Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-09-23
DER GERMAN CoBBLER.

Ing lOI SUlllS CuSlOul6TS 10 SuOW up
when dot butcher on der corner Goes
along und says:
'sVhell, Hans, Who's sorry for you.
| You don't seem to hat some smartness
in your head
/ Maybe you shall tell me how to get
some smartness?' / said
dot Who's me, Hans. You vhas a
COCO man, but you don't catch on. In
america nopody can do some peesness
unless he vhas up to date. Look at
my butcher shop. Ten years ago /
vhas poor man NIT only two pounds
/ of mutton to SELL Now / hat big
shop und three men, 1t vhas all in be-
| ing up NIT DER procession"
How shall be up?"
You must play some SMOKES on der
public to make EN- laugh. Der public
must get to know you as Hans der
! Smoker. l Tx up some signs right
away. You by der drug store und get
some sticky fly paper, und in one day
your shop vhas full of customers
Dot butcher he makes me some signs
of Hans der Shoker," Come In und
see Hans" und Shall der Bug Get
Away?" When I brings der fly paper
| he puts a sheet on der moor, und in
two minutes a big cockroach was
stuck fast.
Now you vhas up to date says der
| butcher as he laughs und goes away.
! But l don't see how it vhas, und my
wife says she likes to go back to Sher-
! .,rrI,+ Aff M VII fftnQn
minutes when a man stops und reads
dose signs und begins to laugh. Pretty
| quick he comes in der shop and says:
"Ha, ha, ha! Ho, no, no! Well.
| SMOKER, how you vhas, eh?"
Il vhas all right
80 you vhas Hans der Smoker? Good
name. Good thing like some Smokes
-ha, ha. ha! Please 60 und get off
some SMOKES for me-"
But l don't know some shokes,"
says
''You go on! Der doctor says vhas
dead man of consumption in two
weeks, but l like to die laughing.
What vhas der shoke?"
| Il don't half some
what, no SMOKES? Look at dot sign.
| He says you vhas Hans der Smoker.
Was you a liar? Do you mean to de-
ceive der pooblic? Cobbler, / vhas a
| dying man, but nopody can fool nit
! met Go on nit your SMOKES"
81 can't go on, und What YOU pellet dot
! lying man does? He gifts me sooch a
knock on der head dot sees stars for
| half an hour und belief der roof vhas
| come down to kill me. / yells "Fire!"
und my wife yells "Police!" und he
shakes is fist under my nose und goes
out, saying:
| Hans .er Smoker, vhas you? Well,
maype l gif you something's to laugh
about"
MY wife says I shall take dot sign
down, but in ten minutes Teller comes
along und kicks der door open und
says
''Vhell, l Was come In to see Hans,
un what of it?"
Maybe you hat some shoes to
mend?" l says.
Shoes. be hanged! Dot sign says 1
F: shall come in und see Hans. Vhas
your name Hans?"
"She vhas."
"Und What you want of me? Do you
like to buy me a glass of beer?"
"Of course not"
.'Oh. you don't. You like to make a
fool of me, Ell? I vhas in some hurry
! to see a man und get s25, but you put
! up sign dot shall stop und see you.
| vhas stopped. Will you treat me to
some beer or not?'
Il put up dot sign to get some work.
l says.
''Oh-no, Well, gift you some work.
Put up your dukes und fight me four
rounds"
| don't fight him, und he knocks me
| all around und l see more stars May
| pc he would take my life if my wife
don't yell so hard for der police. l pc
| lief l shall go down to der butcher und
| tell him | vhas no more UP to date
| when in comes another man. He vhas
no loafer. He vhas good man. He
says:
''Cobbler, hat you got some bug a
prisoner
| l showed him dot cockroach on der
| fly paper, und he signs und says:
poor innocent Teller Cobbler, let
me ask you if dot cockroach effer in
| jured you in any way?"
''I don't pellet dot he did,
"Den how ,vhas it dot you like to
| take his life? He vhas innocent. He
| likes to go around und hat some fun.
| He vhas born free und equal, der same
as Bunker Hill, und you hat no right
| to murder him. Take him off und give
! him show"
But | like him to advertise my
shop" says.
80 dot yhas it? Well, sir, pro-
nounce you cold blooded murderer
und some unhung villains. A man dot
! will assassinate a poor, innocent cock
! roach Will murder children in DER
/ beds, und he should be locked up
10 you hat some shoes to mend?'
I "Yes, sir, l hat more as 100 pairs.
| but / Will see you way oafer in Hall
fax pefore / gif you any work. Cob
Ebler, go oudt to stir up der pooblic,
und If some crowd comes und tears
down your shanty it vhas all right.
| Dot makes me tremble und makes
| my wife cry, und says shall take
dose signs down. It vhas too late,
| howefer. A man comes in und says:
/ ssShow me dot bug. right away. ]
| vhas der prevention of cruelty ind
| must see him. N0pody can shut bug
UP in cage und lab bradawls into
him.
HE vhas some cockroach on fly pa
per, says. "und NOBODY hurts him al
you murdersrls ID yslls - he go