The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1900-02-27
Mr.. B0wstR'S TRIsuLATl0ns.
He Tries lee skatinx and Feel. -emethiug
Drop Very severely.

He Tries lee skating and Feel. ~emethiug
Drop Very severely.
AZ a rule Mr.. Bowser sits down after
dinner 20 his newspaper and cigar for an
hour or SO, but the other evening he got
up from dinner TO put his overcoat on
and make ready to GO out
rs il your club night?' queried Mrs
Rowser.
Il may go around to TIE club" he evas-
lively answered
Perhaps there's a ward caucus or
something?'
Yes. mebbe"
Mrs. Bowser didn't press TIE subject.
and after an interval OF five minutes Mr.
Bower turned 10 her with:
TIL tell you where I'm going. I'm going
Up to the park with Barnes. He's been
at me Cor month 20 go with him some
night and I've finally consented. He
wants M to show him q trick or two"
"A trick or two about what?"
ice skating. He's got il bad. you know.
He's been out every night since the lake
fTGze over
But yor-you don't know anything
about ice skating" protested Mrs. Bow
ser.
Excuse me- madame" replied Mr..
BoVser. as he drew himself up. but beg
10 dispute you. l don't sGy that l have
had any great practice. but I've looked
into the theory carefully. and / think l
can show Barnes ard all the rest of EN-
few wrinkles.'
Are YOU going TO take an ambulance
and a surgeon alongg'
That will do. Mrs Bowser. You'd OPP
pose me, of course, but don't try to be
funny. ! am going to the park. I shall
put on skates, and cut pigeonwings. figure
Fights, Grecian crosses, and all sorts or
scrolls. 1t will not only be an outing for
ne. but will take the stiffness out Of
that left knee Y9p needn't sit up for
me-"
IF you are badly injured I suppose they
will take you to the hospital and notify
me-" she querled as Barnes rang the door
bell
Mr.. BOwser choked back hot reply and
put on his hat and passed out. but before
settling down for the evening Mrs. Bow
ser got out the camphor, the brandy, and
A roll Of plaster and placed them on the
stand in the hall where he could find
them on his return. As boy Mr.. Bowser
had "shot the skate to some extent, and
he had confidence that the lapse of thirty
years would make no difference in bis
curley-kewing about. That confidence
grew larger and more liberal every min
ute as he joUrneyed along with Barnes,
and he was not half way TO the park when
he gleefully and confidently observed:
I'm not after prize for fancy skating.
but l think I'll open the eyes of the crowd
little before I'm through. I'll play off
at first. but you watch my zig-zags when
| get down to business. I'm pretty heavy
for a swan or a gaZelle. but ! think can
cut few dOdges-just few"
II was a moonlight night, and the park
lakes were crowded. 1t was not until MIR.
Bowser saw the jam that he felt any loss
of confidence. Most of the skaters were
young people and moving with grace and
agility, and 1t suddenly occurred TO him
that he might have grown little rusty
in thirty-fve or forty years He was Won
dering if he couldn't work that left knee
off on Barnes as an excuse, when bad
faced young man who was looking on as
spectator turned and said:
Don't yer put 'em on, old man."
What do you mean, sir" demanded Mr..
Bowser.
Don't put on them skates. Yer too fat
and logy. Yer might roll down hill in a
bar'l, but yer can't cut no pigeon-wings
on the ice"
Mr.. Bowser got mad all over, and from
that minute his determination was taken.
He would skim that lake as the gull
skins the sea, only with a good deal more
grace, and after the Swimming act was
over he would make that bad-faced young
man beg his pardon for the insulting
words
How are you going to work it?' asked
Barnes, as the skates were adjusted and
all was ready.
He'll work it wild f1ip-fop and dunn
dunn" put in the bad-faced young man.
Say Gully, when old Uncle Josh gets
out dere on skates dere's goin' to be a
time to beat de band, Look at de heft of
him! Look at de curves in his hind legs,
wouldn't miss de sight fur hat full of
CIGARS
Mr.. Bowser was reaching out for the
young man with the firm intention of
wrecking his life when a policeman came
along and interfered. A crowd quickly
collected, and thus there were fifty peo-
pie about when a start was made from
the edge of the lake. 1t wasn't a graceful
start. 1t was a start of a hip-hop and a
hobble, with the left leg dragging behind.
The crowd decided that it was a bluff by
a professional skater, and the policeman
called out:
Our Uncle Eli has got trick up his
sleever'
Give him, room for his little circusr'
shouted another voice.
Go in, old man, and cut de pigeon
wings!' yelled third.
Mr.. Bowser would have given aOpO.OO0
in cash, brick house, and a yoke of
oxen to have been toasting his toes at his
own fireside just then. but he was in for
1t, and must carry it through AS he
wobbied around on the ice he tried to
remember how he used TO start in to cut
Roman scroll, but memory failed him
The shouting continued, but there was
nothing encouraging. He finally deter
mined TO get his feet together and make
circle of the lake to drive the weak
ness out OF his knees, and then the end
came. At his first move his heels shot
forward, his body dangled in space for an
instant, and then he came down with
crash and a conclusion. The concussion
took place when the back of his head hit
the ice, and it was just as well for his
peace of mind that he lost consciousness
for the next sixty seconds, and didn't
hear what was said. When he came 10 ne
had been dragged TO the bank, The skates
were removed and the policeman was saw
ing:
Now, old man. II you've any home to
go TO you'd better git. Your line is iump-
ing over eight horses and an elephant
and you should stick TO it"
1T was dis way" said the bad-faced
young man, who had cautioned Old Mr.
Bowser In the beginning I've Was a
happy crowd here, and all was goino
We'll, when dis old rooster comes along
and begins TO brag as low he kin criss-
cross anf fiip-fiop and razzle-dazzIe. He
blows so much dat We gives him a show
De fust ting he does is to bump into lin
my De Kid. Den he earcms against Foxv
Dobs- Knocks de heels from under tvn
females and skeers lie life out'n four ir-
nocent children. We fought he was only
hilarious, but when he tired de grand