davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Fixed the Gas Company.

"II fix 'em," said a Capitol Hill citi-
zen when he got his gas bin q couple of
months ago. "Nine dollars and eighty
cents, hey, when we've been out every
night with the exception Of two or
three for the past month! III move,
that's all, at the end Of the mouth, but
if I don't make that gas meter Of mine
work overtime between now and the
day I move it'll be because l run out
Of matches, that's all! I'll eat up about
$40 worth Of gas and then let the darn
ed gas company keep the S5 I've got on
deposit!'
So from that evening on as soon as
twilight fell the Capitol Hill man made
tour Of the house and lit every jet
from cellar to garret.
"I'll teach 'em to bunko folks!' he
said to himself savagely as he started
all the burners a-going.
Along toward the end Of the month
he and his wife picked out another
house and made arrangements for NOV
ing. The Capitol Hill man was de-
lighted when the gas bill read $1,000.
This is one time they won't gouge
men he shouted exultantly as he dane
ed around with the bill in his hand.
Three days before the day set fol-
moving his wife was taken i'll, and OF
course the moving had to be declared
off. She is only now convalescing. The
Capitol Hill man paid the 5000, and
his friends are now telling him the
story about the man who robbed his
own trunk.-Washingt Post.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
The Professors Foresight.

Professor Frederick Ton Martens,
who holds the chair Of international
law in the st. Petersburg university
and is a frequent representative of the
czar in legal councils Of moment, is
not a Russian citizen, nor even q Rus
sian subject, but a philosophic German.
he is notable linguist and author,
and at the Venezuela arbitration con-
ference in Paris, where he read the de-
cision of the commission, he had a
pleasant fashion Of addressing each
delegate in his own language. One OF
the English jurists wondered how the
professor was able to keep up his
knowledge Of so many modern tongues.
The professor replied: "It is self de-
fense. You see, in case I lose my chair
I wish to be prepared for any offer you
foreigners may make" Saturday
Evening Post
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
An Odd Coincidence.

Late one night some years ago in a
western town." said an old telegraph
operator, i received q message which
read, If you wish to see your brother
alive, you will have to come immedi,
ately.' The message came from San
Francisco and was addressed to an old
man who lived across the street from
the station, so put on my hat and
went over and delivered it, seeing that
It was important that he should have IT
at once.
s'The old man caught the train that
left at midnight, and Willie he was buy.
ing his ticket he told me that the mes
sage referred to his brother who had
left home 20 years before and from
whom he had heard nothing during ali
that time.
"The next night party called and
asked If there were any messages fol
him, giving the same name as the oid
man who had left the night before. He
must have noticed that I looked at him
rather blankly, for he went on to ex
plain that he had q brother in Califor
MIA who was sick and that he was anx
ious to hear from him.
"Well, it turned out that the mes
sage that I had received the night be-
fore was intended for him. He was g
stranger in the town and chanced tc
bear the same name as the old man
whom I had sent on wild goose chase
across the continent. Fortunately fol
me was transferred to another town
before the old man got back. That Is
all there is to the story except that it Is
true."-Detroit Free Press.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Rumors OF the Law.

In a recent bankruptcy case, in
speaking Of justices Of the peace, they
are said to be Officers by no means In
fallib!e, frequently innocent Of law and
actually sometimes known to construe
the abbreviation affx designating their
Office, y. p to mean Judgment for
plaintiff
A fedora; court, in explaining that
the functions Of charge d'afaires
were not shown by the literal transla-
ton Of the terms, illustrated by say
ing, 'To appoint person chief builder
could not be understood to invest him
with the ecclesiastical, functions Of the
pontfex maximus."-Case and Com
ment
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Gas oxer tho Telephone.

A lady Of the West village decided to
have q telephone placed IN her house.
At about the same time she also decid-
ed to have gas range put in. After 8
family consultation she instructed her
daughter to order the telephone. IN
the conversation both the telephone
and gas range had been spoken of, and
the daughter apparently became some
what confused, as will be seen by the
following letter which she wrote or
dering the telephone: Dear Sir-We
have decided to have telephone plac'
ed In the house. Please give it your
immediate attention. The house is
not piped for gas, but the street is."-
Winsted Comm Citizen.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
The Rogue Saved the Judge.

A Judge Of the English high court
was once arrested on suspicion Of hav'
ing burglarious designs on the. house
Of q friend in Mayfair. The police
officer charged him in the police sta
ton with lettering with felonious intent
and the prisoners description OF him.
self as one Of her majesty's judges was
received with a grin Of sarcastic deri'
sion.
At that moment al old offender was
brought in who happened to eaten
sight Of his lordship's face, which ne
had good reason to remember.
"You here, my lord! he exclaimed
with unfeigned astonishment. "Hell
this beats cockfghting."
The rogue's unsolicited corroDoraton
of the judges declaration saved tne
situation, and his lordship was allowed
to depart in peace.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
ouick Arrow Shooting.

The Maya Indians have acquired ex-
traordinary dexterity with the bow and
arrow, which, with the spear, is their
only weapon, though the boys before
they are strong enough to draw the
bow often use q sling made from 8
strip Of rawhide, with which they Kill
SQUIRRELS and small birds. The bows
are about FIVE feet long, made OF a
thin, tough strip Of cuhoon palm, well
seasoned. The arrows are usually car
ried in a tiger skin culver and can be
used with marvellous rapidity, as tie
following incident will show:
A chief Of the Lacondones Of my ac-
uuaintance named Canek had been on
bad terms with his father-in-law for
some time. One morning while hunt
ing in the bush he espied the old man
in an anana tree gathering the apples.
He at once fired an arrow at the man,
striking him through the chest and
while the body was falling placed an
other arrow In the neck. Fortunately
for himself he managed to reach the
nearest Spanish settlement before any
Of The murdered mans relatives could
oyertake him.-Chambers' Journal.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
EGectiEe Prayer.

a very nice and gentle curate went
to Yorkshire parish where the parish
toner's bred horses and sometimes rae
ed them. He was asked to invite the
prayers Of the congregation for Luck
Gray. He did so. They prayed three
Sundays for Luck Gray. On the fourth
the clerk told the curate he need not
do It any more.
"Why?" asked the curate. "1s she
dead"
"No," said the clerk; "she's won the
steeplechase."
The curate became quite a power IN
the parish.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Progress.

An Egyptian paper announces that
"frst class, up to date, modern dining
cars" are to be run this season between
Cairo and Luxor and that IAN Aneri-
can dentist has started in business at
Assouan, which is on the edge Of the
Sudan" A palace hotep' at Khartum
for the special accommodation Of tour
lists will also be completed and opened
for business in about three months.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Mike All Over.

Mr.. Dufy-Mrs. Kelly, it pains mo t
iafarm yez thot yure hoosband has JisS
bin blowed oop boi doinamoite car
thridge. We found his head IN wan lot,
an his body in another lot, an his ligs
IN another lot, an his arms an fate IN
another lot.
Mrs. Kelly proudly) - Begorrah,
thot's Moike all over!-Harper's week
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Safety In Battle.

Every soldier believes that the only
safe place under fire is the recent scene
Of some cannonade escapade. When
defending fort or camp, the wounded
are generally placed in the breaches, as
the enemy is not likely to waste pow
der and shot on points which have a.:
ready been cleared Of all barricade.
The same holds true Of naval engage
ments. Sailors much prefer to sit in
some yawning gap still hot and smok-
ing from the effect Of splintering
cannon ball thar behind the stoutest
bulWark.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
A phiIadelOhia SANDER.

Bilger-You remember Tompkins?
Yes? 7 saw him down at Philadelphia
the other day. was in the car, he on
the depot platform. stuck my arm
out Of the window to shake hands with
him, and do you know before I could
get hold Of his hand
Jigger-The train started, eh?
"No, my arm went to sleep!'-Types.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Without q County.

Fuddy-Ronder says he does not con-
slider himself an American or an Eng
lishman or anything else. BE regards
himself as citizen Of the world.
Duddy-I see. BE is foreigner IN
whatever country he finds himself
Boston Transcript.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Incousistent.

"You keep me waiting so long" COM
planned the customer.
Madam" said the worried grocer
who was economizing in his business
by employing only one clerk, "ain't you
the woman that was In here yesterday
kicking about short weights?-Chica'
20 Tribune.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30

In the northwest provinces Of India
goats frequently eat without any III
effect the leaves and green stems Of
the akaua or madar, the milky juice
of which is an acrid poison for human
beings and frequently used as such
In infanticide cases.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
ExeEperatiuH.

Gee whizz, how my wife does az
grawate me! :,
"You surprise me. Surely she doesn
henpeck your
eSo. It's her awful meekness. When.
ever we have an argument and I'm IN
the right, she always sighs and says
sOh. very we'll, dear, have it your oWl'
vavp"-Philadelphia Press.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Sweet Consolemcnt.

she-Oh, dear, I found gray hair in
my head this morning!
He-You ought to be glad Of 1t. It
your hair should turn gray, it would
soften the effect Of those wrinkles you
are getting.-Indlanapolis Press.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Notice.

Notice is hereby given that petition
of the freeholders and qualified voters
of part of Sandy Grove School DIS,
trict No. II in Clarendon County, mas
been made to the Board of Education
of said county, they having complledi
with the law as to making speei5a:i
school districts, and to levy an ADJ
tional tax of one mill upon the taxable e
property in said special territory TO TO
supplement the constitutional ana other
taxes for the same purpose;
An election is hereby ordered 9E a1' tne
undersigned trustees OF the said Sc Sev, "
enteentR School District. to take place
on the 18th day of May, 1900: at >: w.
Gowdy's store. Polls to be open from
10 o'clock 4. m. to p. m.
~ 49, G. T. WORSHAM,
W. H. THIGPEN.
T. Z. BURGESS.
Trustees Sandy Grove School District
No. Il.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
ExnsnsiEe Invitation.

Mother-Was your aunt glad to see
YOU and Tommy and frankie and
Fred2
Johnny-Yes, ma'am.
Mother-Did she invite you to call
again?
Johnny-Yes, and she told US to bring
you and papa and Susie and the dog
next time.-Harlem Life.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30

Malaga usually has about 1G rainy
days @ year and at least 200 days
when there is not a cloud In the blue
sky.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Winthrop College Scholarship
And Entrance Examination.

The examination for the award OF
vacant scholarships in Winthrop Col
lege and for the admission of new STU
dents will be held at the County Court
House on Friday, July 10Th, at a. m.
Applicants must not be less than fif-
teen years of age.
These scholarships are vacated after
July Goth: they will be awarded to
those making the highest average at
this examination.
The cost of attendance, including
board, furnished room, heat, light and
washing is only $3.50 per month.
For further information and cata-
logue address
President D. B. JOHNSON,
2tl Rock Hill, S. c.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
w c.. 4 A.
North

No. SO RIMS through to Charleston, S. G.,
via Central i. r., arriving Manning 6.04
N, Lanes, 6.43 p IN, Charleston $50 N.
Trains on Conway Eranch leave Chad
boufn $50 m, arrive Conway 7.40 p N,
returning leave Conway $50 a m, arrive
Chadbourn 1l50 IN, leave Chadbourn
II So a IN, arrive at Hub 1926 pm, returning
leave Hub 800 p m, arrive at Chadbourn
3.35 p m. Daily except Sunday.
J. h. KENLY, Gen'l Manager.
T. NJ. EMERSON, Traffic Manager.
H. N. EMERSON, Gea'l Pass. Agent.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30

Belgium spends 1,213,00O francs q
day on strong drinks.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
Southbound.

Between Millard and st. Paul.
Sontbbound. Northbound.
No 70 No. Is. No. -. No. "a.
PM 4 u Stations A NJ NJ
305 1915 LIE Millard Ar 10 45 50
3l5 1925 AZ st. Paul LIE 10 35 3 Is
pm AN AN PM
THOS. WILSON, President.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
The New Cook.

"Maggie, did you make that chicken
broth as I ordered you?
"Oi did, nom"
"What did you do with it?'
"Sure, an that ilse would Oi do Wid 1t
but fade it to the chickens, mom"-
Boston Courier.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30

Wilson and Summerton r. r.
lime TABLE No. /,
In effect Monday, June 18th, 1898.
Between Sumter and Wilson's Mills.
Sonthbound. North bound.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
ATLANTIC COAST Line,

CHARLESTON, S. c., Jan. IA, 1900.
On and after th;.. date the following
passenger schedule will be IN effect:
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1900-05-30
,CHESTER Il AUGUSTA R. r.

Trains 80 and 35 carry through Pullman
palace buffet sleeping cars between New
York and Macon via Augusta.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1900-09-07
when n Kiss Was Valuable.

The practice of kissing the hands
was instituted by the early Roman rul-
ers as mark Of subjcction as much rs
one of respect, and under the first Cp-
sars the custom was kept up, but only
for time. These worthless conceived
the Idea that the proper homage due to
their exalted station called for less ia
miliar modes of obclsancc, so the privi-
legc of kissing the cmpcrors hand was
reserved rs n special mark of conde-
gccnsion or distinction for officers of
high rank.
Roman fathers considered the prac-
tice of kissing of so delicate n nature
that they never kissed their wives in
the presence of their daughters. Then,
too, only the nearest relatives were al
lowed TO kiss their kindred OF the gen
tier sex on the mouth, for In those
days, as now, kissing was not mere
arbitrary sign, but II was the sponta.
ncous language OF the affections, cspe.
cially that of love.
Under the Romans If lover kissed
his betrothcd before marriage she In
hcritcd half of his worldly goods In the
event of his death before the marriage
ceremony, and If she died her heritage
descended TO her nearest relatives
Frank III. Nlzctclly In Woman's Home
Companion.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1900-09-07
New Old Jokes.

ais there any new Joke under the
sunY asks George Augustus Sala, an
English journalist and special CORE
spondcnt.
81 doubt there being one very grave
ly," he answers and tells two anec-
dotcs to support this skcpticlsm.
An intelligent Greek who acted as
Mr.. Sala's guide while visiting Athens
related to him as n modern Greek Joe
Millerlsm the story Of lawsuit. A
deaf plaintiff sued n dcafcr defendant
before the dcafcst Judge In all Greece.
The plaintiff claimed 80 many hundred
drachmas for rent that was due. The
defendant pleaded that he never
ground his corn at night. The Judge I'm
giving judgment observed: "Wcll, she's
your mother, after all. You must keep
her between you"
"When ! got home l found" writes
Mr.. Sala, "this apparently up TO date
triad OF ludicrous non sequlturs in a
collection of ancient Greek epigrams."
There used TO bc told story Of Shcr.
idan Knowles, the drumatist, who was
n first rate hand at Irish bulls, meeting
one OF twin brothers and asking him,
(Which OF ye is the other"
Mr.. Sala compares this with the sto-
ry OF that very ancient Jester, Her
ocles:
"Of twins, one died. Skolastkos,
meeting the survivor asked him, Was
II you who died or your brotherY -
Youths Companion.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1900-09-07
How TWIN Introduced HawIey

"Only once did Mark Twain appear
I'm public as n political speaker" says
VIII NJ Clemens In Ainslec's. "As a
conscientious Republican in his politi'
cal preferences Mr.. Clemens took an
active interest I'm the presidential cam
pagn Of 1880. While visiting In Elml-
IA, n. Y, I'm the fall Of that year he
made n short speech one Saturday
night, introducing to Republican
meeting General Hawley OF Connect
cut. In the course Of his remarks Mr..
Clemens said
"'Gcncral IIawlcy Is member OF
my church at Hartford and the author
Of beautiful Snow" Maybe he will
deny that. But / am only here to give
him a character from his last place. AS
pure citizen | respect him, as a per-
sonal friend Of years | have the warm
est regard for him, as n ncighbor
whose vegetable garden adJoins mine,
why-why, | watch him. AS the au-
thor Of beautiful Snow" he has added
new pang to winter. He Is Il square,
true man I'm honest politics, and must
say he occupies n mighty lonesome po-
sltion. So broad, so bountiful is his
character that he never turned n tramp
empty handed from his door, but al
ways gave him letter OF Introduction
10 me. Pure, honest, incorruptlblc, that
IS Joe IIawley. Such man In politics
is like bottle of pcrfumcry In n glue
factory-it may moderate the stencil,
but 1t doesn't destroy 1t. / haven't
said any more Of him than would say
of myself, Ladies and gentlemen, this
Is General IIawlcy'"
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1900-09-07
A I,rncIIcnI .InI.o.

He was n wag and was passing n
large Diapers shop in Manchester.
There, drawn UP, were three or four
vehicles, and among them was n closed
brougham with the driver fast asleep
on the box. Evidently the mistress
was inside the shop. without word
the wag stole quickly up and, opening
the carriage door, carefully slammed 1t
TO. In an instant the coachman
Strengthened himself up and gazcd up
the street ms If he had never seen any
thing more interesting 10 look at In his
life. Then he stole look over his
shoulder and saw the wag standing,
hat I'm hand, apparently convcrsing
with some one inside the carriage.
"Thank you, yes. Good morning"
said the practical Joker and bowed
himself gracefully away from the door,
turning MS he did so TO look at the
coachman and say, "lIomcw
Yes sir! Tch! Get upw and away
went the brougham "homc."
Where that "home" was, who the
mistress OF the carriage was or what
she did or said when she came out OF
the shop or what the coaChman did or
said when he stopped at the door of
"home" and found the carriage empty
all that only the coachman and the
lady know.-London Tit-Bits.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1900-09-07

JUDGE A. A. PUTNAM of Uxbridge,
Mass, one of the oldest and most
influential Republicans of Worcester
county, has abandoned the Republi-
can party, its principles and It's cam
didates, and come out for Bryan.
He will speak at Democratic rally
in Uxbridge on the 10Th, his subject
being, "Why left the Republican
party" Judge Putnam is a stump
speaker Of more than usual force and
ability, which, with his political con-
version, will make him quite a strik-
mig figure in his county this fall.
The writer remembers hearing the
Judge talk Republican politics more
than twenty-five years ago, in a cam
paign when Senator Hoar was run
ming for Congress against Eli Thayer,
the noted educator and anti-slavery
orator and worker.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1900-09-07
lie crnahed the uecLIera-

The man who asks questions and IN
sists on their being answered Is a IA
milar presence at all party meetings.
He Is known as the heckler. The speak
er is not allowed To disregard him. If
statement Is disputed It Is the ora
tors place 10 make It good. Any mem.
Der OF the audience may rise 20 his
feet and shout out contradiction
whenever he feels like II, and by the
custom OF English public life the
speaker Is expected to make some re-
ply on the spot.
Mr.. Chamberlain was always a dan
gerOus man 20 cross In debate, but the
personal feeling against him was so
bitter for years after his withdrawal
from the ranks Of the scparatists that
many an unhappy man was driven TO
tilt against his shield. II was delicious
10 watch Mr.. Chamberlaln's handling
OF the situation. lie would pause when
the interruption grew serious and give
the hecklcr a chance 10 make himself
well heard. "Now If you VIII allow
me / will ask that gentleman TO get
upon chair that we may all have the
pleasure OF seeing him." A dozen anx-
ious hands would hoist the obJector In
70 unwelcome prominence. Now,
sir" came the clear, passlonless voice,
"wlll you kindly speak up? | should
be sorry II any one missed what you
have 10 say"
The hcckler, now quite unnerved,
would stammcr out something, and
Mr.. Chamberlain, listening with n ma
llclous smile, would quietly readJust
his cycglass and, turning TO the au-
dicncc, fling out a reply-cool, cutting
and dcclslye.-Sydney Brooks In Har-
pcr's Magazine.
The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1900-09-07
ALrnoucn Pretoria was take

ALTHOUGH Pretoria was taken
some time ago, General Cronje is
at St. Helena and President Kruger
and his movable capital are treking
about the more inaccessible parts of
the Transvaal, still, the Boer war
seems to be decidedly on. There
are no reports of any number of
British troops being ordered home,
and Generals Botha and DE Wet,
with comparatively Insignificant
forces, are keeping General Roberts,
Kitchener, Butler and the rest guess
ing. The English people are be-
ginning to chafe under this apparent
inability of their generals to close
up the affair, and London newspa-
pcrs are decidedly outspoken in their
comments. The following. is an
extract from the Saturday Review
''The Beers have not outfought us
they have outwitted US. Can any one
contemplate the campaign In Natal with