Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-07-15
MR.. DOOLEY ON THE
CHINESE SITUATION.


Copyrighted 1900 by Robert Howard
RusseH)
well, sir" said Mr. Hennessy, Ito
think iv tn audacity " thin Chiny-
man! 1t do bate ALL
ut do that" said Mr.. Dooley. 1t
bates tn wurruld. An what's it COM
in to? You an me looks at a Chiny-
man as though he wasn't good FIR
anything but washin' shirts an not
very good at that. 'Tis wan " tn
sports iv tn youth iv our great
cities to rowl an Imply beer key down
tn steps iv Chinee laundry an if eer
a Chinyman come out to resist it
they'd take him be tn pig tail an do
tn joynt swing with him. But TIL
Chinyman at homes a diff'rent la-ad.
He's with his frinds an they're NANNY
Nv thin an he's rowlin' tn beer kegs
himsilf an Westhren Civilization is
down in tn laundry wondhrin' whin
tn police'll come along.
"Th' Lord frgive me FIR sayin' it,
Hinnissy, but if l was a Chinyman,
which | will fight amy man FIR sayin'
and was Twin at home, I'd tuck me
shirt into me pants, put me braid up
in net an go out an take fall out iv
tn invader if it cost me me life.
Here am /, Hop Lung Dooley, r-runnin'
me little liquir store an p'rhaps rails
In family in tn town iv Koochoo. j
don't like foreigners there amy more
thin | do here. Along comes a bald
headed man with chin whiskers from
Baraboo, Wisconsin, an says he:
Benighted an haythen Dooley, says he,
We have no God. he says. i have,
says 1. I have a lot iv thim,' says |.
'Ye ar-are an oncultivated an foul
creathurs, he says. L have come six
thousan' miles FIR to hist We from tn
mire iv ignorance an ir-religion in
which We live to tn lofty plane iv Bar
baboo,' he says. An he sets down on
an aisy chair an his wife an her
frinds come in an they inthro-
jooce Mrs. Dooley to tn mod
bern improvements iv tn cor
set an tn hat with tn blue bu-rd
onto it an put shame into her because
she hasn't let her feet grow, while tn
head mission'ry reads me a pome out
i WITH Northwestern Christyan Advo-
cate. WE'LL says /, look here, me
good fellow / says. Ne an me peo-
pie has occupied these here primises
f'r nanny years, says. an here We
mean to stay, l says. We're dom tn
best We can in tn matther iv gods.
says l. We have thin cast at a first
rate foundry ! says. an we sand
paper thin ivry week, says /. AS FIR
KNOWN things | says, my people
wrote PONIES with a markin' brush
whin tn likes iv We was r-runnin'
ar-round wearin' a short pelisse iy
sheepskins an batin' each other to
death with stone hammers says l.
An I'm f'r firm him out but bein'
quiet man lave him stay.
Til mex day in comes man with
suit iv clothes that looks like a table
cloth in a section house, an says he:
Poor ignorant haythen. he says,
what manner iv food dye ate he
says. Rice. says l, an rats is me
write dish ! says. .Deluded wretch,
sage he. I reprisint armour an Com
pany, an I'm here to make ye change
ye'er dite,' he says Hinceforth We il
ate tn canned roast beet " meery OF
stock yards or I'll have Il file Nv sojers
in TO I'LL ye fun iy ondygistible lead.
he SAYS An afther Tim comes til
man with Aunt MiranEa's pan Cakes
an F1aked Bran an Xe1l-perish-if-ye-
don biscuit AM other riprisin-
tafiyes in WeSthern XHvftfzrfsnr, n,