Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-04-25
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Hewitt-Do you love your second
wife as much us you did your frsts
the same; married Bis
ters-same NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Top
les.
"Do you ever pay any attention to
the weather mans predictions" Yes.
By reading what he predicts can
nearly always tell what 1t isn't going
to do"
Mrs. Gadd-You do not show your
age at all. Mrs. Gabb delighted
Don't 1? Mrs. Gadf-No; l see you've
scratched it out Of your family Bible
New York Weekly.
A Capltallst.-"Do you see that dog !"
Eyes; but what is there SO wonderful
about him?" Hes worth fifty thou
sand dollars!' "Good gracious! How
did he save the money y'-Life.
Mrs. .Thinkhard-Of late years the
spread of intelligence among all classes
has been simply wonderful. Old bach
elor-Yes. notice there has been q
great falling off in the number of mar
rlages.
At Rehearsal.-Stagc Manager
What! You laugh while you're sup
posed to be dying7 Actor-Certainly.
AT the wages you pay. why shouldn't
death be greeted with joy?-Fliegende
Blaetter.
what is an exit, papay "Exit,
Freddy? Well, 1t is n Latin placard
hung around on the walls in theaters
and opera houses to keep people from
thinking they smell fre."-lndianapo-
lis Journal.
She-They'ye got new girl at HI
rams. He-Is that SO? Can she cook
any better than the last one they had3
She-Well, hardly; this one is only
about twenty-four hours old.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Would Affect His Trade.-Mack
O'Rell-Yes. lie is always afraid the
sun may suddenly drop from Its POSI-
ton. Luke Warme-Is he scientist2
Mack O'Rell-No; parasol manufac-
turer.-Chicago News.
Burly Tramp-Wots tn good of lit
tie dog like that? Mrs. Rural-To keep
of tramps. "He! he! Wot kin that
little critter do?" Gle Gun bark; that
will wake up the big dogs under the
porch" "Y-e-s, mum. Good day,
mum."-New York Weekly.
Papa" said Benny Bloobumper, 81
saw two bad boys Tipping cents, and
after while they went away, and
when they had gone found a penny"
Ibid you play yourself, Benny7" asked
Mr.. Bloobumper. "No, papa" 'Then
you were an in-a-cent by-stander."-i
Bazaar.
"Pat, 1 thought hired you to carry
bricks up that ladder by the day."
aye did, sor." "Well, I've been watch
ing you, and you've only done it half q
day to-day. The other half you spent
coming down the ladder" "0pll thry,
to be dom betther to-morry, sor."-
Harlem Life.
II hope my explanation Is satisfac-
tory" said Mr.. Younghusband, as he
concluded long narrative as to why
he had been detained down town until
1 a. M. "Well," yawned Mrs. Young
husband, "your excuse is fairly good,
but it's not as good as father used to
make."-C Chicago News.
Henry" said she. disconsolately,
"you didn't give me birthday gift"
by Jove! that's so," said Henry. 'but
you see. you always look so young that
1 can't realize you ever had birthdays"
Then she was happy. and he smiled the
mean. subtle smile of a man who has
saved money.-Boston Traveller.
"Algernon is very interesting" said
the stockholders daughter. what
does he talk about?" inquired her
father. "why. he's ever SO well post
ed in Shakspearean quotations"
Young woman" said the flnancier,
sternly, don't you let him deceive you;
there amt no such stock on the mar
ket."-Tit- Bits.
At country fete conjurer was
performing the old trick of producing
eggs from a hat, when he remarked to
little boy: "Your mother can't get
eggs without hens, can she?" "Of
course she can" replied the lad.
"Why, how is that?" asked the con-
jurer. "she keeps ducks" replied the
boy, amid roars of laughter. Bits.
Look here" said Mr.. Dobbs to the
house agent, my wife will be calling
to-day, and want you to tell her that
that house we have been looking at Is
taken" But, my good Sir" protested
the agent, sit Isn't TAKEN" ut will be
then" answered Mr.. Dobbs. ~ am
taking 1t now. Mrs. Dobbs can't make
up her mind, but she'll want 1t directly
she thinks she can't get ltp'
The volunteer In the Philippines
wrote home to the old man as follows:
"Father, need $50 Immediately. Lost
another leg in battle yesterday" And
this was the reply lie received from the
old man: "James-As this is the fourth
leg you've lost-according to your let
ters-you ought to be accustomed to II
by this time. Try and wobble along on
any other legs you may have left.
That's all l can say to you!''-Atlanta
Constitution.
The angel Gabriel was In the act of
raising the trumpet to his lips for the
final blast. zone moment, sir, II you
please" shrieked small man, who
suddenly ran forward, vigorously wav-
ing his hat. Whats the trouble7'' in
CURED the angel, without lowering the
horn. 1.-THE biograph man is Just
swinging his last camera into line"
shouted the small man; there, It's all
right now! loot awayw-C Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
.Betwixt and Between"
This whimsical anecdote from File.
cende Blaetter suggests that evan tho.