The herald-advance. (Milbank, S.D.) 1890-1922, 1900-08-03


The wag statesman from Mississippi
was defeated for the United States sem
atorship. Then he was turned down
for denomination to congress. And
after these misfortunes "Private John
Allen" was, according to the Nebras-
ka City Conservative (J. Sterling
Morton's paper) invited to respond to
q toast at q banquet and the toast was
"A Statesmen Out of s1Job."
With much solemnity Mr.. Allen in
peculiar drawl said in substance:
"This toast to you seems funny.
But to me it is q solemn fact cruelty
embalmed and thrown at my head; it
is q disaster canned and hove at me
for the ediication of those who delight
in reviling the mis.ed and the un-
happy.
"Why am I out OF job? During
the campaign of 1896 followed our
peerless leader the equal Of Webster
and Clay, Calhoun and Cass con-
solidated in an intellectual trust. At
one hundred and thirth-four separate
places made q speech Of which the
following is correct report. will
edify you with some of my prophecies.
Among them said:
"If Mckinley is elected and the gold
stand ard is maintained dire disaster,
grim catastrophe and gsuntfaminewill
career bowling through the land.
Wheat will sell at forty, corn at ten,
oats at fifteen cents bnshel and
cotton at four cents q pound. Every
thing my friends, the plain people
If may quote the lofty language of
our inspired and peerless leader-pro-
duce will sell for nothing or be given
away and boot paid to those who will
condescend to take it; and all the
things the poor man-a friend always
to our leader-has to o.buy will be rais-
ed to an altitude greater then Pixies
Peak. Fellow citizens, the gold stand
ard is conspiracy to rob the toiling
millions. It presents us future filled
with blood crushed out of labor by the
plutocratic chariots of diabolical
greed and devastating gold.
sNow that speech was made in good
faith. | was lieekly following our
peerless leader.
My prophecies were his prophecies,
and l humbly emulated his wondrous
power as delineator of calamities to
come. But gentlemen we little knew
the power of Mark Hanna. He. got
under the markets. He lifted up corn,
wheat, oats, cotton, beef, pork, wool
and potatoes. But he did not lift
politicians, like our peerless leader
and myself, who had made forecasts
of the unreasonable wreck and ruin
which would inevitably follow the gold
standard like shadow. No. no! our
peerless leader and / were let down
to price level lower than he ever
predicted for corn. The demand for
statesmen out of a job has been over
supplied and in sack cloth and ashes
we gaze with streaming eyes upon
furnaces aflame, shops hnmming with
the orchestra of saw, hammer, anvil
and plane and our ears are every
where assailed under the malign power
of gold, Hanna and Mckinley, with
the monotony of the sounds Of con-
tented industry and the hymns OF COM
fort from happy homes.
sThus that eminent and popular
brand Of hysterical and emotional
craftsmanship, SO pulsatingly and
vociferously typiied by our peerless
leader and myself, is quite generally
out of job. The gold standard and
1 prosperity in the United States are to
populism, to sixteen-tO-One and other
vagaries, as Paris green to the cod
ling moth, cats to rats, robins to
worms and the fine-tooth comb in the
hair OF the head of vermin- afflicted
urchin. But again we march after
sour peerless leader who still inspires
us by precept and by lofty and holy
example to hunt job
All kinds of dry hard and soft