Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1900-06-07


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Henry Fielding was once asked by
Lord Denblgh why he wrote his name
Fielding" instead Of Fielding" as
his lordship's family used. II can not
tell. my lord" replied the novelist, Tex
cept 1t be that my branch OF the fam
lily were the first that knew how to
spell"
Sir Robert Peel was once going
through picture collection with a
friend where there was portrait OF
prominent Englishman who was fa-
nous for saying sharp things. How
wonderfully liker' said the friend;
''you can see the qulver on his lips"
Yes" replied Sir Robert, "and the ar
rows coming out OF It."
They are telling story In Chicago
about an advance agent for the Thomas
Orchestra who recently went to New
Orleans to book dates for concerts. He
was told that II would be well for him
first TO talk the matter over with a
wealthy woman who Is leader In the
musical circles Of the city. So he called
at her residence, and ring brought
out an old negro, who took the callers
card, on which printed the legend,
Representing the Thomas Orchestra"
Presently young woman came to the
door holding the card in her hand. She
did not seem to understand the object
OF the call. The agent attempted TO
explain. but was cut short by the
young woman, who said: II don't think
we want any music to-day"
The president of manufacturing
firm In Chicago has two letters from
man in Michigan. The first set forth
that the writer had settled upon piece
OF land that had ''rite smart pin tim
bur ON IT." that his neighbors, with the
exception of "sum french Canucks mt
the mort end of the lak." had also rite
smart Of timber, and would hall the
advent Of d 'sormip' with delight.
How mutch woud smol sormil costT
n. Il. IL Frenchman name Ike Lamor-
to rites you to ask about this hese no
gud and ded beat OF the first water"
The firm wrote back to inform their
correspondent that sawmill such as
he seemed to want would cost about
three hundred dollars. A catalogue was
inclosed. which would give him an idea
of the plant. and the firm hoped TO be
| favored with his order. The firm had
no idea that it's letter would give serl-
Gus offense. There was no doubt, how
ever, that the Michigan man was quite
annoyed. He wrote: "You must take
me for - fool. II had three hun.
dred dollars what In - wud want n
sormil forY
Many years ago. when President
Kruger was In England. he was APP
preached concerning some concession,
railway or otherwise, by business
man In London. The negotiations last
ed for some time. One evening the
Londoner, who war staying at the
same hotel having spent many hours
with mfr. Kruger and bis companion,
went to bed much exhausted. and feel
ing he hadanot got quite all he wanted.
Next morning he afAse at nine o'clock,
and went aiahg tfIV corridor to Mr..
Krugers bedroonf TO his aston 'sh-
ment It was empty, and all the luggage
was gone. "Oh, sir" said the cham.
bermaId, "Mr. Kruger and his friend
left at six this morning" Then. with
giggle Of amused remlnlscence, the
girl added: "They was queer couple,
sir, and no mistake. When e passed
your door, sir, Mr.. Kruger, e started
dancin' right outside your door, SIR, q
aud his friend. They didn't know a.
any one saw them, sir, but Bessie and
see them, unbeknown, from the top OF
the stairs. Then they went downstairs
sir, fairly splittin' their sides with
laughIn, though they didn't say 9
word"
During an advance in Manila recent
ly, says the Chicago Tribune, one com
pany had to lie down at the side Of thG
road for shelter from the well directed
volleys OF the insurgents. One OF the
privates had dropped his hayersack II
the middle Of the road away back. and
after the company had laid down, h'
calmly stood up and walked down tbs
road toward the lost hayersack. Ill
made a fine target for the insurgents
and the bullets ratified around hin
pretty lively. Here, come back here
O'Malley," yelled the lieutenant OF tn
company; "you'll be killed." well
replied O'Malley over his shoulder, I"
might Jest as well be killed as hav
Gen. Otis a-runnin' me up hill an'
down dale and comm over to me hous
. livery mornln' and a-sayln', 'O'Malley
: why don't you pay the government 70
e that hayeysackT" Then he calml,
t walked on and got the lost piece o
property, and as he came back and sa
down just in time to escape a volley o
Mausers, he threw the haversack o.
the ground and said: And when h
, does come tomorrow mornin' to m
/, house I'll say, otis, me little mar
you're dead wrong. l never lost n
haveysack. There's your bloody oil
:. potato bag. Take It to the Goyernmen
with me compliments