El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-04-28

ana TWO Funny senators And
Some Funny Commissioners And
Funny Minlster-Taylor OF
Kentucky Not So Funny.
special Correspondence of the HERALD.
WASHINGTON. April 22.-And now
comes Uncle George Dewey, sticking
his left forefnger in the right corner
OF his mouth as he solemnly crosses his
heart with his right hand, to testify
that he never, no, never, said, or
wanted to say, or thought, or wanted
to think, tina. "a democrat is man
who is - traitor in wartime and
- fool in peaoetime" and that all al
legations that he did, or does, or ever
wants 80 to do, are various kinds OF
prevarications with theological quail
ifcstious. Furthermore, he not oply
denies the allegation but he defes the
alligator, whom he regards as an uu-
truther OF the deepest dye.
Ths good admiral is still wrestling
| with his democr attic platform which is
about week behind schedule now.
| He has lot OF thinge to point with
pride so'' in his record and he has also
| q moe, substantial, warranted -to-wash
set OF democratic principles, just out
Of the original wrappers-but unfor-
| tunately IL is hard to show that his
democracy and his deeds were con-
| temporaneous. And the effort to
synchronize them is casting sickly
pallor over his hair and resulting In
chewed ends for all the lead pencils In
the family stock.
Talking about hair, there is q Wash
ington man who hiss just invented q
new system of growing it. He takes
bald gentleman and puts vacuum pump |
on the place where the hair ought to |
grow. The spot swells out like wen |
and looks like a misplaced BLACK eye,
but the hair roots wake up to a sense
of duty uoperformed and get to work.
In the course of time, the tender shoot
lets pop out like spring grass on a
burnt prairie-in theory anyhow.
The waxing and waning of the Turk.
ish war cloud is not agitating Us much
Nobody ever gets money out of the
sultan except at the business end Of
the gun and II Is hardly likely We will
go so fsr. It Is not necessary. II need
be we will stand Admiral Sampson up
on the end of Block Island aud poiu.
his trumpet Turkeywards while he
applies the 'absent treatment" Jour
notable admiral Is Christian scientist)
whereupon A bdul Hamid will presum-
ably come down like Col. Davy Crock
ets's coon.
The foreign diplomats here are
watching our good old Uncle Samuel's
effort to collect his Turkish
debt with amused interest. Theyhave
been there themselves-most of them
anyhow. It surprises them that our
state department should take the sul-
tan's promise to pay seriously. AS one
OF them puts 1t, 1.-The United States has
q queer habit of taking intern ational
engagements and promises in good faith
and acting on them that way" Which
same habit may result in surprises
somewhere. The Turks are past
masters In the art of converting
foreign claims and demands into a sort
OF international play of cross purposes
and they expect to work the same
game on us. AS it Is usually played,
England will ask for something and
Germany for something else directly
opposed. while France aud Italy, each
Tor herself, will have Other require :
nents at right angles. The net result
ls sort of four ccrnered tug.of war
with the sultan squatting on the cen. ,
trail knot. placidly drinking tenn
perance drink aud waiting for sdj ,urn-
nent. AS we VIGOROUSLY do not un-
1ers'aod "diplomscy" it may not re.
'ult just that way, this time. How
ever, there is never any money In
The Turkish treasury, except In transit
n bond, and all the resources of the
porte are mortgaged up to the hilt. SO
t is hard to see where we can find
Visible shekels to collect. If we do
n axe go OF our debt collecting, all ,
he European nations will PROBABLY
AXE IL as good precedent and the
lights OF the barem may have to cut :
Town their candy bill. But they {
haven't any Simpsons In their oollec- :
ion and the gates of GAIA are toler. t
'bly safe as far as they are con-
erned. ?
Senator Hoar's long set speech on
he Philippines has come and gone c
stirring up ripple. There
Tas time when Hoar's remarks used +
o stir up the congregation pretty live i