The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1900-02-08
sPUD MULARCHY. HUMORIsT.
One of Uncle SANS Soldier Captains
Who Made Fun UncOnscioasly.

Soldiers will have their fun. and humor-
list is to be found in nearly every squad. One
of these was a captain. since retired vet
eran of the civil war. and had served a life
time in. the army. typical Irishman and
every inch a soldier. His name was Null
archy, and the boys used to call him Spud
Mularchy. ALL the. men idOlized him, as II
he was the father Of q large family Of boys.
but he nevertheless, insisted upon the most
rigid discipline. The first day they we're in
the trenches the captain made a personal
inspection of the line and cautioned the
men strictly about smoking at night, as the
lighting Of cigars or scigarets might draw
the enemy's fire, returning at night, the
''old man. noticed what appeared to be a
light in every mans face along the line.
He was very angry at such direct viola
ton of his orders.
81 tould yez min to stop yer smoking after
dark" he shouted. Put out thin lights
Immediately. Put thin out he REPEATED.
without effect when a sergeant spoke up
and said: why. captain, there is not
man smoking; it's only the freflies you
see" hjst
well, put thin out any way"
The funny man who had served under
the captain before thefinsurrection was re-
sponsible for many other anecdotes about
him. He was passing under the windows of
| the barracks one evening when he heard
| some of his own men refer to him as "Spud
| Mularchy." With wild gesture. he called:
'Will the mon who jist called me Spud
step down out iv here. and I'll take of me
coat to him, I will; and I'll niver prafer
! charges agin him, l wont!'
There was no acceptance Of the challenge.
| Everyone remained quiet within. The cap
tain had a son in West Point who inherited
| much of his fathers fpugnacity While he
| was stationed at post on the Pacific coast
| he received telegram from his son saying
! that he was under arrest for fighting, and
| ascking his advice in the matter. The cap
! tain Immediately telegraphed reply: did
| you lick him."
| There was one man in the company who
| frequently got drunk Every pay day would
| find him in condition of hopeless inebriety,
| and at all other times when he could pro-
| cure the necessary price OF a debauch. He
was the source of much concern and annoy
| ance to the first sergeant, but frequent
| short confnements in the guardhouse failed
| to correct the evil At last final resort
he was reported to the captain, who sent for
him to appear right away. When the cul-
prit arrived the captain was seated on the
broad veranda of hts cottage reading. With
out lifting his eyes from the book in hfs
| hand, he asked:
| Dennis, are yeZ drunk?
mo, sir; l am not
'Yez are, 1 say; know yer drunk" get
ting more and more excited, but not re-
moving the book from before his face. Call
ing his daughter, woh was ever ready to
intercede for any of the men, he re-
fered the case to her.
"Now, Mary; isn't the mon drunk"
'Why, no, father. l don't think he is
'He isn't drunk? I say he is; yez are
both drunk Go in the house. Mary" and,
addressing the culprit ''Yez are ordered to
be confined at hard labor In tn guarrdhouse
fr tharty days.
RUBBER CATERERS IN BRAZIL.