The sun., 1900-12-27
OUT FLAT HUNTING.
MA AND rtER DAUGHTER LOOKED AT
AN APARTMENT.
They Found Many Things to Which
They objected, but Decided to Take
1t = Then the Janitor Intervened
and Decided They Couldn't.

ana Oeclueu Iney OOulun't. Z.
Scene-A flat.
Persons-The janitor, Mrs. Flathunter,
Miss Flathunter.
Mrs. Flathunter-How many rooms did
you say?
The Janitor-Eight and bath.
Miss Flathunter-What hideous wall
paper!
The Janitor-Just put on for the last
tenant. Couldn't possibly change it.
Mrs. Flathunter-We could never live
with that staring us in the face.
Miss Flathunter-Why, there's an air
Shaftl
Mrs. Flathunter-Horrible!
The Janitor-It's the finest apartment
in the house. Mrs. MacSmiler hated to
give it up.
Miss Flathunter-Maude MacSmilerl
Blond? Stout? Widow? Did she live
here? Why did she move, wonder?
The Janitor-She was a perfect lady.
She moved of her own accord.
Miss Flathunter-The kitchen is ridic-
ulously small. Why, one couldn't move
about in it!
The Janitor-Mrs. MacSmiler's cook
weighed 240 pounds. She managed all
right.
Miss Flathunter-Ma, just look at the
dining room ceiling. What kind of bird,
beast or reptile is it?
Mrs. Flathunter-A perfect nightmare!
The Janitor-It took the painter a
whole hour and half to do it. It's We
MUS arising from the say.
Miss Fathunter-Well what in the
world are those little things bobbing
around? Fishes? Ha, ha, ha!
The Janitor-Them is Cubebs, miss.
Mrs. Flathunter-Only two hanging
closets in the whole fiat! Why, we could
never find place for our things And
oh, oh, Outlook at this big mouse hole!
The Jantor-You needn't be afraid of
them. They're tame as kittens. Mrs.
MacSmiler used to play with them.
Miss Flathunter-Wh this window
loos5 directly into the bedroom of the
othaf fiat! That would never do. Why,
it isn't safe!
The Janitor-That's all right. They're
two bachelors. They're very agreeable
and friendly. Mrs. MacSmiler had a
party one night, and they passed all their
dishes and glasses over to her. They're
as accommodating neighbors as you'd
want to have.
Miss Flathunter-Well, this is about
the worst fiat
The Janitor-Beg pardon, miss-apart-
ment.
Miss Flathunter-Well, what is the diff
ference, pray tell me, between a fat and
an apartment?
The Janitor-The rent.
Mrs. Flathunter-Well, what is the
rent?
The Janitor-Thirteen hundred.
Mrs. Flathunter-Oh, impossiblel
The Janitor-That's only for the sum-
mer months. It's $1,000 for the winter.
There's Russian count on the first floor
that takes three years lease, he's so
afraid of losing his apartment.
Miss Flathunter-Well, ma, suppose
lin spite of everything. One is just as
bad as the other.
Mrs. Flathunter-And I'm so tired of
hunting. 1t gives me hysteria. l don't
know one from the other.
The Janitor-Yes, you was here this
morning, lady, and you said it wouldn't
do.
Miss Flathunter-I declare! So we
were! / recollect this horrible gas jet
the twisted serpent with the glass eyes.
Don't you remember we said it would
worry George when he got home late to
see it in the hall?
Mrs. Flathunter-Well, / suppose we'd
better take it.
Miss Flathunter-Yes, might as well.
The Janitor-About your references!-
Miss NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
The Janitor-Y Yes-from your last place
flat, mean. We're very particular
what kind of people we take.
Mrs. Flathunter-Really, my good
man, Mr.. Flathunter attends to that.
Miss Flathunter-I never heard Of
such
The Janitor-Any kids?
Mrs. Flathunter-Any what?
The Janitor1Any children?
Mrs. Flathunter-My daughter and
two sons.
The Janitor-How old?
Mrs. Flathunter-What do you mean?
The Janitor-How young? Are they
troublesome?
Mrs. Flathunter-My eldest son is 90.
My youngest is 15. My daughter is
Miss Flathunter-Oh, ma, look at this
closet all full Of empty bottles!
The Janitor-The elevator stops rum
ming at 10 p. m. The outside door is shut
at that time, and no person can get in or
out after that.
Miss Flathunter-Why ma, that would
never do! How could Charlie go home :?
You know he always stays until
The Janitor-Until when? Out with it!
Miss Flathunter-Until 12-but we're
engaged-and he only calls FIVE times a
week.
Nba To "a he
ers has got to get out when we blow the
whistle.
Mrs. Flathunter-Is this a Jail.
The Janitor-No. It's a respectable
apartment house, that's all. The hallboy
takes the card, and goes up and looks
them over. We don't want no divorce
cases or suicides connected with this
house. See?
Mrs. Flathunter-Well, upon my word
The Janitor-Got your marriage GER
tificate with you?
Mrs. Flathunter-Sir!
The Janitor-Well, bring 1t with YOU
when you come to sign the lease.
Mrs. Flathunter--I never heard of such
impertinence! Marriage certificate! I've
been married 20 years and never been
asked such q question before.
The Janitor-Well, you've got to show
your papers here.
Mrs. Flathunter-Why, have no mar
riage certificate. Ha, ha, ha! It's posi-
lively funny!
Miss Flathunter-Ha, ha, ha! should
say so.
The Janitor-That's all right, girls.
Don't get gay. That don't go here. No
marriage certificate, no lease.
Mrs. Flathunter-Wh we've lived in
this city for the last ten years, my good
man
The Janitor-Yes, I've heard that be.