The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-07-22

A1A46AoAiu' OIlCS asked a BOY In a rural
school the definition of the word 'pfI-
grim" "a pilgrim" answered the boy, SIS
a man who travels from place to place"
I do that" said the inspector; ''am I a
pilgrim?" The answer came: mo, sir;
a pilgrim is a good man."
Handel is said to have had such an ap-
| petite that on one occasion he ordered
| dinner for three at a hotel and presented
himself alone to enjoy it. 'Shall I serve
dinner, sir, or wait for the company"
said the waiter. Company" said Han
| del. Vat company? I am re company;
| serve re dinner, prestissimo."
Gen. de GalIiffet one day, in the CORR
doris of the chamber of deputies, was
| talking to a friend, when he suddenly
| heard cries from the chamber of "Assas-
| sin! Assassin With a laugh, he said
! to his friend: "They are calling for me-"
and with perfect calm he entered, and
called at the top of his voice: VOLTA!
Voila!"
Among the many stories told lately in
| connection with the late Duke Of Argyll
is one concerning a distinguished officer
| OF the army who called on the duke at
lnverary castle, and was told by the serv-
| ant that he was not at home Where
is hep" asked the officer He's ava.
ava" was DonaIds hesitating reply;
''awa' washing himself" The duke was
at seaside watering place
4 clergyman who gave evidence in
horse dealing case became somewhat
confused in his account of the transac-
ton in dispute, and the cross-examining
counsel, after making several clustering
but Intellectual attempts to obtain more
satisfactory statement, said: Pray, sir,
do you know the difference between a
horse and a cow" Il acknowledge my
ignorance" replied the reverend gentle
man; Il hardly know the difference be
tween a horse and a COW, or between a
bull and a bully-only a bull, am told.
has horns, and a bully'-here he made
a respectful bow to the advocate-'Iuck-
lily for me, has none"
When the gallant Welsh captain. David
Gam, was sent forward by Henry V to
reconnoiter the French army before the
battle of Agincourt, he found that the
enemy outnumbered the English by about
five to one. His report to the king is his
toric: There arc enough to be killed
enough to be taken prisoners, anG enough
to run away" This quaint forecast of the
result of the battle at once spread through
the camp, and doubtless every yeoman
archer Of the valiant company felt an inch
taller. We know that it WAS almost lit
orally justified by the event. Poor Cams
dry humOr was equaled by his courage
He was killed while in the act Of saving
the life Of his prince.
A Shelby county justice of tho peace
whose residence and civil district adjoin
the Mississippi state line had an abnor-
Of bo -
the Office, and never lost an opportunity
to exercise his prerogative of demanding
that peace be preserved. One day his s5n
and hir7ad man got to fighting on a
stretch of the farm near the fence which
separated the two states The old gentle
man mounted the fence, and, with an air
Of authority, commanded: 'In the name
Of the state of Tennessee demand
peace" Just then the fence gave way,
and as he went down with the fence top
ping to the Mississippi side, he yelled
to his son: GIVE 'em hill, Billy! I've
lost my jurisdiction"
During the honeymoon of Mr. and Mrs
Gladstone, it is said that the young mem
Der of parliament said to his bride: DO
YOU prefer to know nothing and TO he
free Of all responsibility, or will You hear
everything and be bound to strict Sc
Gregg" Mrs. Gladstone was far too true
a woman not to choose the second alterna-
tive, and she never betrayed the trust re-
posed in her-a course which naturally
compelled her often to appear indifferent
or ignorant of what was going on In
deed, at one time stories of Mrs Glad
StonF2S ObtuSeneSS were widely current in
society. In 1885 an indiscreet lady asked
Mrs. Gladstone how her husband was
bearing up under the many vehement at
tacks made on him. 81 do not think he
is much affected by them" replied Mrs
Gladstone. ''for I hear him every morning
singing in his bath" HE is Ike a ket-
tie, then" replied the lady. which sings
when full of hot water'-a retort which,
though it may not have pleased the wife
of the premier, probably appealed to her
sense of humor.
Edward Hanlan, ex-champion oarsman
of the world, relates a good story of how
he delivered a speech after winning his
second race in England. His first victory
had found him unprepared. He was ready
for his second with a speech, composed
for him by a newspaper friend, neatly
copied out on paper and stored away for
use in his coat pocket. When the crowd
outside the clubhouse insisted upon see
ing and hearing the winner, he was help
ed out upon a window ledge by his
friends, and held there by the coat-tails
and the legs The crowd cheered him
| wildly. He was too confused to speak
They cheered him again He threw out
his hand in a gesture Of helpIessness,
an0 moved his lips in some inaudible
humble of apology for his inability to de-
liver a speech. They could not hear, on
account of the noise that they were them
selves making, but they encouraged him
| with a ge17~-ous applause He saw his
escape, and proceeded to shake his head
and work his lips in a fine frenzy Of ora
tory, gesticulat:ng eloquently and smiling
his thanks. The noisy and good-natured
crowd cheered him to the echo. and his
friends drew him in from his precarious
position on the window ledge 'eYou caA
ried that crowd along in style" they con
graduated him; what did you say? we
couldn't hear you" Eyes, give us an
idea of your Speech the reporters put
in, drawing out their note books. Hanlan
took the manuscript from his pocket.
Here's the whole thing" he said: "do
you want it alI?" well, rather" they
answered; that speech made a hit"
TDNuF HFAEIv o0yvDoTa