davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

A well known NJ. +. tells an amusing
story Of an old aunt of his. Being on
one occasion very nervous, she told
her physician she thought Bath would
do her good.
ITS very odd" said DR.. w, but
that's the very thing that | was going
to recommend TO you. | will write the
particulars Of your case 20 Il very clev-
er man there, In whose hands you will
be well taken care Of"
The lady, furnished with the letter
set of, On arriving at Bath, feeling, as
usual, very nervous, she said to a con-
tidant:
Long as DIR. Walter has attended
me he has never explained TO me what
ails me. | have great mind 10 open
his letter and see what he has stated
OF my case TO the Bath physician"
In vain her friend represented 70 her
the breach OF confidence this would be.
She opened the letter and read.
Dear Davis-Keep the old lady three weeks and
send her back again.
London Tit-Blts.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

( and never pull.down.the-flag IN your ear
and you'll take off your coat TO help
elect my party OF patriotism, pros
perity and pelf. You get your hands
on me2 BY Mac, that is good one.
Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha !"
Alex Ricketts,, in Life, of New York.
q q q
The Albany Democrat has a new de-
partment of humorous nature called
gratis. Here are some:
A hard habit lie the coat one owes for.
Some boys will never be smart until
thrashed
Paint is easily removed kissing a
woman scheek.
There is no place like some homes,
hence some men don't get home until
morning.
II takes women too long to find their
pockets to ever go into politics
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
COULDN'T FOOL HIM.
rhIs Man Knew Steamboat When
He Saw One.

He Saw One.
| The agent of one Of the ocenn steam
chip lines, says the Chicago Tribune,
told the following story OF a st. Louis
man who got into New York the day
after the maiden arrival Of a great
liner:
After gazing at the vessel from the
pier the st. LOusan said to the man at
the gangplank:
"Purty good sized steamboat"
"She's n liner, ocean liner" was the
lofty reply.
"Shes purity high up, amt she"
ocean liners have TO be. But when
she Is under way she doesn't look so
high"
"Her chImneys amt very high,
though"
"You mean her tunnels. No; they
never make them high for liners"
"IIlnges on 'emY
"Nevcr heard Of hinges on a funnel"
Glow does she get under the
bridgeW
"What brldgeW
"Why, any bridge. Steamboats, out
our way have hinges on their chim-
neys, and when they come to the
bridges over the river they lower the
chlmneys, and she scoots under like
she was creased"
The man mt the gangplank observed
the St Louis man with lofty indlnrer-
ence.
"She amt got any warehouses on
her sides nor none at her stern" re-
marked the st. Louis man after he had
made further inspection.
"Liners have propellers," said the
man at the gangplank, and his nose
turned up yisibly.
"Well, III bet she can't run. II takes
two wheels and a bow like an arrow
head and scant hold TO give a steam
boat speed, sonny, and don't you forget
It. II this steamboat was 20 get into
the Mississippi, she'd so hard aground
first clip"
81 have told you this is not steam.
boat"
"shucks! You can't gimme that
saw picter OF her In one Of our news.
papers before left home, and the
printin under II said steamboat Do
you think n st. Louis editor dorTt know
a steamboat when he sees one? You're
not on TO your Job yet"
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
Draughts as an Educa,ion

There Is no game extant which so
admirably combines educational and
recreative features or which is in every
way so well adapted for a popular and
profitable amusement among refined
and appreclative classes as draughts
Its influences are of an eleyating char.
acter. II not only teaches, but prac.
tically enforces, the necessity Of pa.
tience and perseverance, courage and
courtesy, self reliance and self control
The game is also peculiarly aud self
evidently worthy OF paternal encour.
agement, as n knowledge of its lncom-
parable beauties Will destroy the taste
for demoralizing games OF chance
Scottish American.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

amusing. Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha Ha
ha, hap
Funny, is it2 OH Owl Ouch II
won't be so funny when get my hands
on you"
"Get yodr hands on me7 That's a
a good one Ha, ha, ha BY Hanna,
that is good one. You get your hands
on me. Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha fla,
ha, ha
"Well. why not? Owl Oh, ouch (!
Oh, ow Wow And | will, too, this
fall"
"Oh, no, you won't. Ha, ha, ha (!
Your excess Of unreasoning enthusiasm
won't let you. Ha, ha, ha Ha, ha,
ha."
Couch Oh. ouchl Ow.w.wl You see
il l don't blast you for this ("
"Phew Why II you intend anything
like that, I'll just holler patriotism and
glorious destiny and duty to humanity
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
A DISEASE THAI. is NO LGNcER FASHION
ABLE.

The election Of officers for the United
States Hay Fever association, at Beth
lOhem, N. H., carries with it the infer.
ence that the society is in a aourishing
condition. There is,apparentlyno dim
mutton in It's membership but. on the
other hand, steady increase, since no.
body ever dies Of hay fever, and the dis
order is constantly attracting new votar.
les.
In considering the numerical strength
Of the hay fever contingent, il must be
remembered that there are hundreds
and even thousands of devotees of this
ailment who have never stood up to be
counted and who have not been able to
join the annual exodus OF their fellow
sufferers 10 those localities where men
and women may enjoy immunity from
nasal irritation. II must be admitted
that the novelty OF the disease has large
ly passed away and that IL has taken a
place with such commonplace aiIlictions
as ague and rheumatism and Indigestion.
It's former exclusive character gave il
prestige among fashionable people which
it no longer enjoys, and this element has
been driven TO embrace Appendicitis as
a protection against contact with the hot
point.
The expansion OF hay fever is in per-
feet harmony with the American idea.
The genius Of our institutions is against
monopolies. There is nothing that re.
mains rare in this country for any con-
siderable period of time. The whole ten
dency Of our civilization is to bring with.
In roach Of all the people those things
which at first are attainable only by a
chosen few. The history Of hay fever
which, only few years ago, was really
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
New Way to Dry HOGS.

II is said anew device for dying hops
Is being us d with great success this
season by A. Wolf, a prominent
dealer and extensive grower at Silver.
ton, His new process consists of driving
the hops IN boxes placed on the kim
hoor' which keeps the hops from pack.
ing IN the center or breaking in remoy.
ins' to the sIoreroom. No lupulin is
lost in any way.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
ON THE BEACH.
Geo. Bennett in Roseburg review.

Geo. Bennett in Roseburg review.
o, we love 10 stroll,
Where the billows roll,
On cheerful and cloudless day;
And roam DER the strands,
With their jeweled sands,
And TO watch the wild waves at play.
The water IL raves,
In the sounding caves,
In the gloomy and dark defile.--
Rushing and dashing,
Seething and splashing,
Through the echoing sombre aisles.
Sitting on roock,
Beyond the shock
OF the incoming angry wave,
We think Of this life
itg sorrows and strife,
And the life that's beyond the grave.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
G. W. Johnson 6 Company,
The Peoples Clohiers and Furnishers

an aristocratie disease, but which is now
prevalent among all classes and condi-
tions Of men, ought to quiet the fears
and subdue the forebodings Of those fear.
ful prophets who preach about the en-
savement OF the people by a sinister and
despotic oligarehy.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
OF The Irack-

This means disaster and death when
applied toa fast express train. Ii Is
equally serious when il refers To people
whose blood is disort,red and who con.
sequeplly have pimples and sores. had
s'omachs, deranged kidneys, weak
nerves and that tired feeling. Uooi's
sarsaparllla puts the wheels back ON the
track 10y making pure, rich blood and
curing these troubles.
constipation is cured by Hoods Pills
2bc. 5 us
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
DANDRuFF WONT WASH OUT.
The Germ Thar Causes II Has 10 BE IDestroye,
10 Cure 9Dandruff

TO Cure iDandruff.
Many woman spends an hour twice
week securing her scalp, thinking
scruhbing off the scurf will cure the
dandruit. Two hours week, at the age
OF I'D years, she has spent 2GO days OF 10
hours each, or two.thirds OF a wear of
her life, in that vain hope vain because
you can cure dandruff without killing
the dandruit germ, and the only hair
preparation on earth that will do that is
NeWbro's ''llerpicide"-alsoa delightinl
hair dressing, and thorough antiseptic
against all contagion from use of others
hair dressing
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
ONLY ONE FARE.
For the Round Trip ore Fare On the Southern
Paefie 10 the State Fair.

For the Oregon State Fair, to be he'd
sept II TO %, the Southern Pac c
Company will sell tickets 10 the Fair
Grounds and return at one fare for the
round trip. Dates of sale September
Ii to %, inclusive; final limit OF tickets
September l6 10 "a.
The present Fair promises to be the
best IN the history OF the State, aud all
should use their best Efforts 10 promte
this enterprise, which is a great benefit
To the entire state. no "a ,
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

The record for Ceylon snipe shooting
still remains that OF the muzzle loader,
100 couples in one day. This record
was made by a Ceylon civil servant
called Tranchell early In the nineteenth
century. Average gunuers get 30 to 40
couples a day.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
why He Read IL,

"Have you read Borus' latest book.
ROlled BrainsY"
Eyes"
81 thought you didn't like Borus'
style"
IL don't"
"What did you read his book for?"
Because knew some blamed fool
would be sure to ask me II had read
it."-Chicago Tribune.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
LILIES.

titles white lilies, ye calm my soul,
For the waters are wild and the billows roll,
And love and trust have drifted away
like the distant sail ON the breast Of the bay.
In a moment more twill have driited from sight
And be hidden away In the waste Of night!
And then ye came with your pure, sweet gaze,
with your dainty, winsome, loving ways
And crcpt like a dear dream into my heart
could not bear to send thee apart,
FOR the fragrance that floats on your balmy
breath
10 me whispers peace" though the world calls
IL death.
Rose Van b. Specie in Scranton Tribune
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

Pullman and Tourists cars on boil
trains. Chair cars Sacramento 10 Ogden
and El Paso, and tourist cars TO Chicago
81. Louis, New Orleans and Washington
Connecting at San Frandsco with sT
eral steamship lines for Honolulu
Japan, China, Philippines, Central ani
South America.
See Mr.. w. w. Skinner agent at saI,T
Station, or address
@. II. MARKHAM, q. P. A.,
Portland, Oregon.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
Salem Soap


The proprietor OF the Salem Soap
Works has the co operation of the under.
signed dealers.
Consumers who desire a first.cla
soap will
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
Encourage Home Industry
By ordering saIem. made soap from

by ordering Salem made soap from
Mrs. ii. Huffman, !. A. Deragish,
b' Mcguire, Allen * Bowersox
r. \. Albright, j. Hewitt,
Golden Rule store Savage < Reid,
Steiner x Co, NJ. I. Rineman,
H. Neugebauer. Q. NJ. Eppley,
James Shantz, The Fair Store.
Alex Daue, W. L. Wade,
Yokohama Tea Store Damon Bros.
Names Of other merchants will be
added as arrangements are made.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
The Best Prescription for Malaria.

! Chils and fever Is bottle af Groves Tasteless
Chill Tonic. IL Is simply iron aud quinine in a
tasteless form. No cure DO pay. Price 60c
6.l0 Bm.eod
JOURNAL x.RAYs
Clean up the city during the State
Fair.
The Oregona vocates an appeopri.
alton for the Buffalo pan American ex.
position.
II Texans want immunity from cy-
clones and starvation let them come
to Western Oregon.
Say, did you read the way congre.
fixed the beach miners at Cape Nome
Published in this paper only.
Wisdom, the Portland secretary OF
the state fair, seems TO be the right man
to take it out Of it's old ruts.
II is evident federal appointments in
which Oregon is interested are being held
up until the senatorial contest is decided.
Portland seems TO be generously and |
loyalty supporting the State Fair. Tha
city can't live without the rest of the |
state.
County Judge Scott and commits.
sioners Needham and Miey drove to
the south part Of the county in two.
seated carriage today,
Mcbride cannot again pretend he is
supporting Dolph. lie has got to come
out into the open and take the soI-
atorship right off the bargain counter.
But he lis a good hand at a bargain
An Influential man IN the party
one who refuses to'vote the party ticket
until he has been promised something
substantial in the way Of patronage,
The king can do no wrong. The Re.
publican party ditto. But II you can
swallow what they did to the Mono
miners your stomach Ia hardly hu.
man.
II, in school, 20 years hence, it shall
be asked; "What celebrity lived in
CantonP" and u boy answers "McKin.
ley" and another boy, Iii Hung
Chang" which Of the boys will be
marked perlect2
Ii is amusing-funny enough to make a
hitching post smile-the columns of
political paragraphs and editorials pub
hshed by Republican papers-all sent
out from Hanua's brain factory in the
East.
One of the most successful Salem
business mon was never known to en-.
courage any enterprise or give anyone
so much as a single penny on any bar,
gain or occasion. lie is unusually al.
mired and beloyed-Nit
AAA
Come, now, honestly; tell the truth
once on your honor as a man and Re.
publicani you do not believe any Of the
Trusts or Trust Managers will oppose
the election Of Mckinley Trusts mustbe
a good thing although your platform
docs not 50 declare
Part Of Congressional Reoord-F Free. ."
This legend lie printed ON postal cards
nearly a foot long ard under con.
gressman's frank Republican camraign
matter is sent in bundles through the
mail at public expense.
&e
Sure Thug.
The Consumer-Ow Ow Ouch
nha Truat H.. A.. ]
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
Fall and Winter Suits

We will give you garments that will
stand all the racket he can give them. You
will find our prices reasonable and If you
will allow us to show you our new styles
we are sure you will count your time we'll
spent - - - ~ ~
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
FdlRtIng Spells

Are peculiar 10 women. Men rarely
faint Many women are liable to what
they term riainhng SPELLS" and this
liability is always most marked at the
monthly period. This alone is sufficient
10 connect the "aiuting spell with a
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
Ons Insane

Geo. Miles. aged l6 years, was re-
ceiyed at the asylum ON Wednesday,
from Baker county.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

See NV new felt hats in all the latest
shapes and colors Miss f.. Smith. state
s'Icel' 9-l3-lw
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

hSiAilftu OF nltcdhcu
condition OF the
womanly organs.
The use Of Doctor
Pierce's FaVorite
Prescription cures
irregularity, heals
inflammation and
liberation, aud stops
the drains which
weaken the body Il
builds up the nerv-
Gus system, increases
the vital powers, and
50 removes the COM
mon causes Of faint
ness in women.
There is no alcohol
IN vFavorite Pre-
scription;" neither
does IL contain
opium, cocaine, nor
any other narcotic.
sit gives me much
pleasure writes Miss
Ella Sapp, OF James
tc--n, GuilfoTd Co, Nc,
"to thank DT Pierce for
the great good received
lfom the use Of his
Favorite Prescription
aud Golden Medicai
Discovery, l had suf
fercd for three years OF
-. - a...l|..a -. - -. 4
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

DAILY one Year. 500 In Advance
Daily Four Months ST. In Advance
Weekly One Year 8I.Oo In Advance
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

more AZ monthly periods II seemed a. though
would die with pain Ia nay hack and stomach
] couid not stand on my feet without fainung +,
had given up all hops ofsyer being cured. when
lIerccs favofitc Prescription. With bat little
faith tried Il, aud before 4 had taken half
slept better NOW 4 have taken two botties of
Favorltc Prescription and one OF Golden
Medical Discovery, aud am happy TO say am
any good"
Keep the liver healthy by using III.
Pierce's Pleasant Pellets
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

Chills and fever IL bottle af Groves Tasteless
Chill Tonic. IL is simply iron and quinine in a
tasteless form. No cure DO pay. Price 6Oc,
b.iO Bm cod
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
Corvallis 4 Eastern Railroad
TIME GARD.

No. 2 For Yaqulna:
Traiu leaves AIheny 80. l2dVp
Train leaves CUrNd lis. l:ip p
TIaiu arrives NaqhlIa 200 p "
No. ! Returning;
Leaves Yaqulua ...... lWa
Leaves Corvallis. ..,,,,..ll y, ~ W
Arrives Albany, 60. l2;IO y ~
No. 3 For Detroit:
Leaves Albany 90. &C., lUVA
Arrives Detroit. .... ...... ll'zo D. "
No. 4 Returning:
Leaves Detroit.
Arrives Albany, y,..,,. ..- oao p -
No. 8.
Leaves Corvallis .... 6;WL
Arrives Albany. go o'4O
No. 6.
Leaves Albany ...... m.
Arrives Corvallis. .,,,.... eOo "a
One aud two connect az Al0any ma
Corvallis with Southern Paclne Sss,
giving direct service ID and ITO"
port and adjacent beaches Al
Trains for the mountains ,ime
Detroit at noon, giving anPs ~
10 reach camping RrOnDos the
BreitenSush and Santiam n'e'
same day. -, vi.h
the Albany local TO and from rSicSI sfoSI
H. J WALDEN, kDhiN HsDaR
JT6RNER Agent AlRAH'' '"
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
OUR
BOY
IS A
RIISTER
THE DAILY JOURNAL
BY HoFER BROTHERS.

THURSDAY, SIC PIT. l8, 1900.
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

co SAYS his mother. II is hard to keep
C such boys in clothes--or rather inside
of clothes. We have had some suits
built to held that Buster of yours and if
you will bring him here for his &c ~ ~
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13
SOUTH AND EAST
Southern Pacific c.
The SHASTA ROUTE

Trains leave Salem for Portland and ",
stations at 5:40 a. m. 1854 a, m ~
The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-09-13

Sure Thug,
The Consumer-Ow Ow Ouch
The Trust Ha. ha, hal
Let Up. Ouch Stop il. OH Ow!
Please stop"
"Ha, hs, ha lila, ha, hal liza, ha,
han
"ohl Owl Ouch Confound you,
you're FQVeezinv the life ou, Of me. ow /
Stop, darn it, stop"
"Ha, ha, hal BY Grlggs, You ar
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1900-08-31
WANTED HIS MONEY BACK

When the jury which is trying Sam
uel Barney for the murder of John w.
LoIbeer was taken yesterday afternoon
to the Oahu railway yard to see the
scene of the killing, the defendant was
taken along also. While there he ask
ed to be allowed to speak to one of the
railway employees who was a member
Of the committee having in charge the
luau of the railway employees which
was to have taken place the day of the
killing and which was declared off be-
cause of the killing.
When the permission was granted
Barney addressed the man. say; l
want back my two dollars and half
I paid for the luau." The man replied
that as the money had been spent for
refreshments which by the luau being
interfered with had not been used,
everybody who had contributed had
lost their money and there was none
to return. Barney replied that he did
not see why he should lose his money
simply because other contributors had
lost theirs.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1900-08-31
PROGRAM FOR LABOR DAY MRS. HANAI PARKER DEAD.
WIDOW OF THE LATE HON. JOHN
PARKER.
Held High Position in the Days of King
Kalakaua-Her Interest in the Parker
Estate.

The Mauna Loa this morning brought
news of the death of Mrs. Hanai Parker
widow of the late Hon. John Parker,
who was an uncle of Sam Parker. The
deceased woman was one of the best
known women on the island of Hawaii,
being of a family that was prominently
identified for many years with the az
fairs of the Old monarchy.
The Hon. John Parker was one of the
chiefs of monarchy days and held pro-
minent place under King Kalakaua. He
died some years ago. He was one of
the principal owners of the immense
Parker properties on Hawaii in which
his widow mad a life interest.
Mrs. Hanai Parker was 79 years of
age. She had spent all her life on Ha-
wall and was widely known and re-
spected, as the wife of an honored
chieftain and for her personal qualities.
She had be,Sl i'll for a long time, and
death was due to old age.
The death occurred on Monday last
and the funeral was held on the follow
ing day, the remains being inferred in
the Parker family burying ground at
Mana. Mrs. Parker was a resident of
Waimea, Hawaii, living on the Parker
estates there.
The deceased left no property, her in
terest in the estate being only for life.
II ar death will therefore not effect the
big property interests in which she had
considerable interests while she lived
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1900-08-31
WILL MAKE A TEST CASE
AMERICAN JURISDICTION ON BRI-
TISH SHIPS.
Libel of the Carnedd Llewellyn by Men
Who Want Discharges-Turk and
Lewis once More.

The Washington and London govern
mentS VIII nave to settle the Carnedd
Llewellyn libel case if the local United
states court does not throw the case
out of court, says Captain Griffith. He
VIII appeal to the consul here on the
ground that American courts have no
right to interfere with a British ship
under such circumstances as are at is
sue, and says that he and the owu-
eis of the vessel will fight the issue 70
a tinish as a test case.
The crew of the ship have libelled
her for their pay, in the United States
district court, demanding their dis
charges. Captain Griffith has shipping
articles, signed by each of the men
under the British consul general at
Hamburg, agreeing to work for three
years. Not a year has elapsed since
the articles were signed.
The men on reaching Honolulu are
said to have decided that they wanted
to leave the ship because they could
get higher wages here than they are
getting on board. On the other hand
the captain says that he actually has
no legal right to discharge them. The
articles declare" said the captain,
that If any of the men should be left
ashore here by mo and should become
financially stranded, it would be my
duty to take them back home at the
ships expense"
The move to get the men to demand
discharges is said to have come from
shore, and the names of Turk and Lewis
once more appear in this matter II
is said that they were the cause of the
plan to get away from the vessel, and
that they have offered to quash the
whole case, if captain Griffith will agree
to let the men go and pay them off.
Captain Griffith says that the two ship
ping masters told him that they could
fix the case if he would discharge the
men.
Captain Griffith will go into court
with the contention that American
courts have no jurisdiction in the mat
ter of contract made under British
laws and to be carried out entirely on
board a British shin. The captain "-'S
he has previous decision, in a somewhat
slntnar case where the conditions We're
ar' rsed, "d q British court refused to
interfere with an American vessel.
As to the food supply the captain says
that the complaints are only a part or
the scheme To get away from the vessel
All the supplies that were taken aboard
were inspected, according to custom,
by the Board of Trade at Liverpool.
The men are at work as usual today.
United States deputy marshal Neeley
/ is on board is keeper, the vessel having
been libelled.