davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
With a Loud Din,

W4Ln AOuQ O1us Mack O'Rell-Did you know they make watches of gun metal? Luke Warme-Ce Certainly! But think it would be better plan to have alarm clocks made of 1t.
 Mack O'Rell-Why so? Luke Warme-Because then there would be no difficulty in getting them to go off.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
No Economy.

"It will cost you $1," said the jewel CT. inspecting the works of the time piece through his eyeglasses, ito put this watch in thorough repair"
 Hand it back" haughtily replied the young man on the outside of the counter. q can get a new one for 9S cents. ."-Chicago Tribune.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Poor Consolation.

'Stone walls do not prison make" quoted the prison visitor.
 Maybe not" said the convict, "but they make it darned hard fer a feller to get out"-New York Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Cheated.

Indignant Young Housewife-O, MT. Dubbs. am sorry to say you cheated :: me over that ice you sent me yesterday morning. You said 1t weighed six pounds. Well, I had it weighed last night before dinner, and 1t was barely three pounds.-MoonShine
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

Badness, in the judgment of an en- inent physician, is a proof of intellect. The presumption is that the pressure of the intellect forces the head up through the hair.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Change of Appearance.

"Isn't he stuck up? Why, he doesn't recognize the girls now that he was so thick with at the shore last summer"
 'No wonder. Those same girls look quite civilized now."-Philadelph Bulletin.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Proof of Greatness.

Mistah Smiff-Dat Aggernaldo am wondakful man!
 Mistah Mose-Indeed he am! I can't fo' de life ob me see how dat niggah gifts his wool to stan up pompadour.- Kansas City Independent.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

The more the Czar looks at the Oar danelles at this stage of the game the more he is inclined to think that every family ought to have some of them.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Action and Reaction.

Daughters are great anxiety"
 ''How so, Mrs. NoochF
 'Tf you don't dress them handsome ty they are not attractive; and if you do dress them handsomely men are afraid to marry them"
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
His Captain.

Newlywed (after the ceremony)-Do you really think I shall make a good mate, darling?
 Mrs. Newlywed-Oh, you're all right. How do you like your captain?-Phil- adelphia Record.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Strafe0Y.

Mamma-You can't have another ap- pie now; so run off and play.
 Ostend-We can't play without the apple, mamma.
 Mamma-Why not?
 Ostend-Because we're going to play William TelP and want to shoot the apple from Belle's head.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

A man who was 90 years old commit ted suicide the other day. It seems impossible for some people to live long enough to learn to be patient.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

The man who slowly climbs the lad der to success remains there longer than the one who reaches it via the bal loon route.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
A Mean Insinuation.

The Man-Don't you think that she's out of the common?
 The Maid-Yes, and not long out, either.-Kansas City Independent.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

The celerity with which Admiral Dewey got his house furnished and moved into Is thoroughly characteristic of the man as his country knows him.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
nnVv UOUn SfuuniO O 9''

'Isn't her new gown stunningT
 'Yes; her husband must have been stunned when he got the bill."-Phila- delphia Bulletin.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Where a Pull Counted.

''Those two dentists have had a con- test to see which one extracted the most teeth in a month."
 "How did it come out?"
 "Oh, it was a draw."-Philadelp Bulletin.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
MONa 0ml

Brown" said the partner of the corner office, ''yOu put that notice on the wall, No Loafng,' and there are now actually five men lounging direct ly under 1t. Go out and tell tAem to move On."
 ''No," responded Brown, by the way of joke, T won't do 1t. They are beneath my notice."
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Cupid in a Huff.

"Our engagement is off again"
 'What's the matter noww
 q gave her a belt buckle with my photograph on 1t, and she uses 1t to fasten her dogs collar"
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

If the tallow trust does not slip up on its own product, then Shakespeare was right and there's nothing in a namQ
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

Speed has frequently marked mar riages, but that Chicago mans two forty record shows how he went the pace
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

One difference between an election and . prize fight is that an election is never declared a draw.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Not Refined.

'Mrs. Sparks, nah Sam hab gone to sail on a warship."
 'Dat so, Mrs. White? Well, An guess he's what dey call tar"
 "No; he ain't bin on de boat long enuf to be a tar yet"
 "Huh! Den An guess he must be common turpentine."
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

The man who struts around like a turkey gobbler is just about as impor. tant.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

The KlOndike Miner Gas the ava. lanche sweeps him away)-Durn them Canadians! They're bound to have their way about this boundary line.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Merely Sounded the Alarm.

''He is brave man," said one Paris ian citizen as the parsonage who fights duels in the newspapers passed.
 "A very brave man," answered the other. "I have known him to call out a dozen men in one day."
 Impossible"
 "Yes. They were members of the fire department!'-W Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
Briefly Defined.
A Dog Shed.

U6uu6 UIFUICES. 'Tt's the interlude to rag-time matri- mony."
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

Taking that kind of a vote in a cam paign is something on the order of suck ing comfort through a straw.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
His Satisfactory Examination.

q am told," said Blanche to Ethel, "that the doctor has been examining your eyes,"
 GfYoS '
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

The Boss-See here Jimmie; l thought you told me your grandmother was dead when let you off yester- douS
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
His Idea.

"What's your idea of supreme pun 'ishment, WearyY'
 Weary Wallace-Workin' in 8 soap factory.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

Considering the last part of its name, the chrysanthemum is very loud.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
 THE COMIC PAPERS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over-Sayingst thatAre Cheer ful to Old or Young-Funny selec- tions that Everybody Will Enjoy.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
How Things Work.

"New shoes make old ones last bet ter"
 "What do you mean?"
 "When you know you have a new pair in your closet you feel like wear ing the old ones a while longer"
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

Ida-Maud Beulah is going to cut allr the fur trimming from her skirt.
 May-Is 1t moth-eaten?
 Ida-No, indeed; But her French poodle shed all his fur and Maud saysI she'll have to get rid of hers to har- monize the effect when he trots by her side.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
.What was the result ?"

''He seemed to be perfectly satisfied. He said he always did prefer blue eyes."-New York World.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

The Office Boy-Yes, sir; she is dead; ben dead four years. But twas the Phillies got laid out yistiddy.-Phila- delphia Bulletin.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13

The Issther trust is q tough proposi-'
The St. Johns herald., 1900-01-13
 THE NERVOUS MAN.
He Who Requires the Constant Care
 of an Attendant.

He Who Requires the Constant Care
 of an Attendant.
 A crowded car of an up town bound Lexington avenue elevated train, Wednesday afternoon, about o'clock. was deeply interested in a couple that entered it at Reid avenue station. The man was so nervous that he could scarcely stand, and he fairly trembled as his wife supported him to a seat. AS soon as he reached it squarely, his eyes closed, and he appeared to be in deep sleep. The woman carried in her right hand a saw, a hammer and sev- eral other sorts of carpenters tools. She sat stern and erect, and looked as though life to her was pretty tough experience. The passengers guessed that she was leading her nervous hus- band home from work. but how on earth he ever used the tools she carried was a puzzle. If you look about you sharply these days it is no uncommon sight to see women careworn of coun- tenance leading along faded men. The other morning silent woman walked into the barber shop on Evergreen ave nue, near Cooper street, followed by her husband, pale faced, thin individ- ual, who acted as though he was walk ing on air. He fell into chair, and the barber rapidly shaved him, while the woman sat in a corner and waited un- til the process was complete Then she handed over the price of shave, with no tip, and walked out, followed by her broken down better half
 "Oh, that's nothing" said the barber, as he looked after the queer couple. "I have had numbers of men come to my place like that. Some of them are so confounded nervous that before you get half finished they want to jump from the chair. I've got six outside customers whom 1 shave at their homes, and two of them I shave in two days; one side today, the next side to- because of their excessive ex- When I was over in the Produce Exchange building, had men jump from my chair and run out of the shop because they couldn't sit still long enough to be shaved. ."-BrOoklyn Times.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
CHRYSANTHEMUM FOR zV-7RY-
BODY.

Years ago. hardy chrysanthemums
under the name of artemisias, were COM
mon in flower gardens. They were mostly
of pinkish-lavender tint, often semi
double, and they were generally taken up
in the fall to bloom in the house. Now,
hardy chrysanthemums are rarely seen.
except If the old-fashioned gardens or
dooryards, yet they are among the most
desirable Of late-flowering plants, coming
into bloom even later than the anemones,
and lasting until severe freezing weather
giving a cheerful glow of color in the
dread November days.
The hardy chrysanthemums are easy of
cultivation, requiring no special care and
plants can be obtained of most florists
in named varieties of various colors, yell
low, pink lavender, red and white includ-
ing pompon, medium and Iarge-fiowered
sorts. The blossoms are not as large and
snowy as those we see in the green
houses and florists windows, but some of
the newer varieties are of good size and
beautiful colors. AS cut flowers they keep
fresh a long time. The yellow varieties
are the most Snowy and are more fire.
quently seen in gardens than other colors.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
MARKETS IN BERLIN.
me week Most UnfavorabIe One
for Some Time.


BERLIN, May 13-Last weeks hoorso
was one OF the worst since the recent
inactlon began. On several davs tba coli
ing assumed panicky character Yes
teruay 1t was remarked that outsiders
were losing their heads, and that evan
conservative professionals were eeI1inar
snort The weeks decline in values was
heaVy' amounting in the case of some
codIers and iron to 10 to Is points. The
.llai net turned to the United States, and
the papers daily print the American mar
Ket reports. Indeed, the decline of tha
week is attributed chiefly to the Amer
lcah lhnuence. Another unfavOra HE in
lluehce' however, was the semi-Officfal
warning regarding tighter mone,, i'm the
autumn For the moment money rates
nave eased, owing to the diminished de-
llldlus OF spectators. But foreign ex-
chahge rates continue higher and q mod
crate gold export to England and Ho1-
Iand' and perhaps to France, is kept M
a shipment of Pocahontas coal arrived
early In the week al ports on the TTDner
hhlhe, Where 1t brought Sc per ton. which
IS above the German price. The QUALITY
however, is admittedly better
Ihe Association of German Cotton and
Yarn Consumers held it's tenth conven-
ton during the week A leading dealer
protested against the adoption of either
the maXimal or minimal tariff and de-
manded reduction in the duty on warn
Inc Belgian government railways will
open contracts for 100000 tons of coal.
Inc Belgian looking g-gIass manufacttIr-
ers, owing to lack of orders, have re-
duced prices for the United States.
Inc German juters have held a meet
ing to organize against ove-production.
The Alazerin manufacturers have pro
I Jected an organization with the result
that already Alazarine blue has gone
up IN price The printing paper manu-
facturers have organized with 70 ner cent
of the trade. The result is that prices
have risen to Is pfennigs per kilo.
The sheet iron dealers are negotiating
for a syndicate.
The German shippers are protesting
against the proposed tax upon bills of
ladtng and upon oceanic passenger
tickets.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
WHEAT LOST TWO CENTS
THAT WAS THE RECORD FOR THE
WEEK THAT CLOSED WITH
LAST SATURDAY
CORN Is ALSO a LOSER
3Gr r
Liquidation and Lack of Confidence
Has Kept Stocks Decidedly
Bearish Throughout
the Week.
CORN rs ALSO A LOSER

Wheat closes another week in decidedly
bad condition for the ultra bull element;
Liquidation has been the cause assigned
for the continued beariSh tendency OF
the grain, and yet there seems other
causes that contribute to the falling off
in prices. Dealers Were puzzled as TO
the real meaning Of the government crop
report 1t showed that there was less
acreage than for the previous year, and
yet that fact seemed to have no effect
upon the downward tendency of prices.
True, added to the report was the an
nouncement that conditions were other
wise bearish. The bull element main
tanned a firm, front at the opening Of
the week, but gradually yielded TO the
pressure of liquidation, and finally ad.
lnitted that there was little chance of
retrieving losses at present. Confidence
in the future of the market has not been
abandoned, however and it is asserted!
that prices can scarcelyi-go. lower s1untli
there has been a reaction
CORN AND,AOATS.
Corn is not SO strong as at the close
Of the previous week. Prices are lower,
though the coarse grain has held its own
better than has wheat. 1t IS asserted
that what declines have been eneoun-
tered have been largely due to sympathy
with the decline in wheat, and that should
there come return of strength IN wheat,
corn should soon regain its lost prestige
in the market.
Oats have been largely neglected as a
their attention to wheat and corn, and,
as a result. oats close another week in
about as good position as the finish of
the previous like period.
STOCKS FEVERISH.
That was the condition of the stock
market at the close of business i'll Wall
street Saturday There has been little
hope for immediate recovery in the stock
market hence dealers are not disap-
pointed. They have expected just what
as meet the Of the One
peculiarity of the stock market is that
there is nothing like hardening Of the
money market. Cash has been easy at
all stages, and rates are lower than at
the close of the previous week. The out
flow of gold has had little effect upon
the situation. Summed up, conditions
are practically what they have been since
the sudden furry in wire and steel stocks.
There will likely be little done until the
market is i'll moro Settled condition.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
A GIANT OAK.
Breckinridge Ky.l News.

Breckenridge (F<y.) News.
j. P. Harl, of Barrett's Ferry, near
FordsviIle, cut from his farm one white
oak tree that measured ninety inches
across the stump. He got forty-eight feet
of trunk, which he made into sawlogs
and floated to Evansville. He paid Il
neighbor who owned log wagon, $25 to
haul the tree one-half mile on level
ground to Rough river 1t took eight
horses to haul it, one cut at a time, each
cut being about twelve feet long. About
thirty men Of the vicinity gathered at the
spot to see the task of hauling and
launching performed. This is said to be
the largest tree ever shipped to Evans
vile. A nine-fOot saw was purchased in
OwensbOro by Mr.. Harl to fell this mon
strOus oak. There would have been about
sixty feet of trunk instead of fOrty-eight
feet, but the top sawlog was ruined on
account of splitting when the massive top
struck the ground
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
A RHURARB SWEET.

Rhubarb should be a more popular
summer fruit than it is, for it's cooling
powers are far above those of ice water.
Even Ice cream soda fails to give such
permanent refreshment. The trouble is
that the fruit is not temptingly served.
sauce which looks as delicious as it
tastes is made as follows: Make a
syrup by boiling half pound of sugar
with a gill of water, add the rind Of
half a lemon and enough carmine to
make it bright red; then put in a
pound of rhubarb cut into neat pieces,
and stew gently in a covered dish in the
oven. Should the syrup become too
thin during the process of cooking, strain
it, and let it boil up until sufficiently
reduced: add it to the rhubarb when
cool.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
FURNITURE REsToRER.

A mixture of linseed oil and turpentine
in the proportion of three ounces of oil to
one ounce of the turpentine makes SIM
pie and rather effectual restorer for
furniture that has begun to show the
dullness and the scratches of wear. Rub
the mixture thoroughly into the wood
with one cloth When beeswax is added
to the Iinseed oil and turpentine and the
mixture is thoroughly rubbed into the
wood, it is the best thing possible for old
oak The gloss on old furniture is OBJ
tanned rot by French polish, but by care
ful and constant cleaning and rubbing
usually with the above materials.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
MANCHESTER MARKETS.
American Yarns Held without
Change O9 Price

MANCHESTER, May 13.-There We're
fair yarn sales last week, with pro-
duction about equivalent. American
yarns were firmly held without change
of price, but low; Egyptians were I'd
cheaper; the higher grades remained
firm. Cloth was dragging, although there
was some business for India at low, un-
satisfactory rates, chiefly in Dhooties and
mulls China was inactive South Amer
lea bought quietly in assorted goods. The
Levant secured some cheap lines, and
smaller markets bought to cover urgent
orders. The home trade absorbed finished
goods to fair extent. Rouen reports ar
ehlarglng inquiry. with no change in
prices. The German situation is aIse
virtually unchanged.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
DULUTH GRAIN.

DULUTH. Mimi, May 12-The market
was dull both in cash 7and future today.
Cash sales were 10000 bu a PC under
July. July opened &c up at 665sc, sold
at 11:10, at 667sc at 1t:59, and closed at
6613c. Wheat-No. l hard, cash, G7a4c; to
arrive. 67Ac; May, 6734c; July, 6SAc; Sep
tember, G712c; No. 1 northern, cash, CSC;
to arrive, &c; May, G6c July, 6612c; Sep
tember, GG12c; No. northern. G4Ac bid
No. 3 spring, Gle bid; oats, 2212@23c; rye,
G219c; barley, 36041c; flax, cash, 81 so;
May, $1.S0; September, Sl.1212; October,
81 .1594; corn, 35$4c. Receipts-Wheat, Ill,
81 bu; corn, ZIP bu; oats, 49, 195 bu.
Shipments-Mheat 10 600 bu.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
SEVEN RULES OF IRRIGATION.

Oceanside (Cal) Blade.
/. The more cultivation the less water
is required.
2. Irrigation burrows should general
ly not be over three inches deep.
8. Do not let the water lie around the
stems of plants
f. Do not overirrigate. Two thor
ough soakings a month are usually suf-
ficient.
5. Do not water trees or vines when
in blossom, nor until the fruit has prop
erly set.
G. Irrigate preferably on cloudy days
or at night.
T. Do not apply water when the soil
is hot.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
sOCIETY's POPULAR FLOWER.

The long-scorned dahlia is now the
favorite of the smart set in New York
1t is superseding even the modest violet
and quite taking the place of the chrys-
anthemum along the Fifth avenue parade
and in the park.
The dahlia as it is grown by fashion
able florists, has many of the character
istics of the common variety but there
are also rOveiues, as may be supposed.
%he dahlias know as the pompon. cactus
and star are the most popular.
1T is said by New York florists that the
dahia bOutonnierre will soon become a
familiar ornament on society's coat lapels
and corsages
The fashion may not last long Really,
the dahlia is too easy u raise to remain
a fad Vers 'ong.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
LONDON STOCK EXCHANGE.
Wnr News Had the Eject of
strengthening Mines.

LONDON, May 13.-The stock exchange
last week was. on the whole, quiet
somewhat nervous feeling. prevailed and
the absence of public buying. coupled
with the continued selling in New York
and Berlin, forced the closing of bull ac-
counts and sent prices down, especially in
Americans, where Baltimore & Ohio
shares were the worst sufferers. losing
S12 on the week, and closing at about the
lowest figure; Southern preferred. 21b
points; New York Central & Hudson ~:
Chicago, Milwaukee & st. Paul. ~; Wa
bash debentures, IL; Louisville & Nash
Vile 12s; Denver & Rio Grande preferred,
II; Erie firsts, IA; Southern Pacific. ia;
Atchison. Topeka & Santa Fe. /; Nor
folk d Western, l; Northern Pacific, 1,
and Others fractionally lower
The war news had the effect of
strengthening mines, which were fairly
active, closing generally >at an advance
Rands gained GIG on the week
Money was in good supply and easier;
call money. to ,; for week, SA three
months bills, 3% to 3zs
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
TREE PLANTING.

Ed. Hoard's Dairyman: In answer to
an inquiry in Hoard's Dairyman about
Catalpa speciosa, will say that Mr.. Blan-
din had better not spend his time and
money in catalpa trees. Some fifteen
years ago, it seemed as if all the agri-
cultural papers had gone crazy on catal-
pa. L went wild and planted several
acres, but there is not a single tree
living today; they are sure to die with
out any apparent cause, when they are
about six inches in diameter. If you
want a valuable tree, plant walnut and
ash; If you want quick growing trees
plant maple, they will grow to enormous
size in a few years. l. A. Meyer.
The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-14
STOCKS WE'RE FEVERISH.
Disposition of Dealers to Sell Was
StiI! Evident.

Close. Day.
Bar silver. New York;. 60 50
Call money, New York. Nominal 21<
NEW YORK, May 12.-The tone of the
trading in stocks was feverish and uncer-
tain today, and the disposition to sell
to support some stocks. and the short
selling by the bears was followed by
buying to cover contracts. Missouri Pa
ciic was lifted at one time point above
last night, carrying the railroad list with
1t. The dangers, especially Burlington &c
Southern railway preferred was pretty
well supported after the rally in Contf-
mental Tobacco preferred. frcm its 6A-
point slump This stock recovered almost
completely before the close. Stocks were
offered freely at the higher level Of prices,
and declined to the lowest before the aD-
pearance of the bank statement. PeO-
pies Gas, the local fractions and the
steel stocks were all notably weak, and
large losses were registered in a number
of shares which have not been traded in
during the recent declines. Some effort
was made to rally prices after the bank
statement. because it failed to show the
expected heavy expansion in loans, but
it was successful only In isolated in
stances.
The close generally was unchanged, and
net changes were mixed. The weekly re-
ports of the mercantile agencies confirm
ed the feeling that the business reaction
has not yet reached its limits, and the
opinions expressed in the senate yester-
day of the possibility of foreign comDlica-
tions on account of the Monroe doctrine
as applied to the Danish West Indies
was cited by the bears as further ground
for speculative depression.
A report of a small decrease in the loan
account at the banks for the week in
stead of a heavy increase was a surprise
to Wall street. 1t did not alter 1he belief
in the reported Pennsylvania loan. which
today is reported to be from Sl5.000.00e to
$50. 900 600 The placing of such a loan
late in the week would figure in the bank