Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-01
CLERICAL STORIES.
HUMOROUS INCIDENTS NOTED BY AN
ENGLISH CLERGYMAN.

a Bit of Irish Repnrtee That Restor-
ed Good Humor-Tbe Cause of n
General Laugh In Dublin Csthe-
srsl-An interrupted Sermon.
IAN Irishman of the full blood can
not resist an opportunity for repartee,
no matter how solemn the occasion or
what bis surroundings,' said an Eng
hsh clergyman, visitor in Washing
ton, the other day, when the converse
don turned on the funny experiences
Of clergymen and the hunior that
creeps into matters connected With the
church.
II was assisting an old friend of
mine, the rector of a. church in Ireland,
one Sunday, and before the service we
were In the vestry room putting on our
robes, with the old sexton, a shriveled
up Irishman Of the perfect type, as
sisting. My friend, who was some
what old, was a little testy that morn
ing, and somehow the sleeve Of his
surplice got mixed up. Notwithstand.
ing the assiduous efforts OF the old sex
ton to direct his arm to the right hole
the two would not connect. Finally.
losing patience, ny friend said sharp.
ly: 'Oh, the old boys in the thing
"The old sexton frightened up and,
looking over at me, with twinkle In
his eye, said as quick as lightning, Not
yit, your riverince.'
'Tt restored the good humor Of the
situation, and the vestment was proper
ly adjusted.
"The only time ever heard congre-
CATION laugh unrestrainedly during the
regular services in q cathedral was
back in the eighties, when I was a
resident of dear, dirty Dublin. On one
Sunday morning the bishop OF Cork
preached. He was splendid man, an
Irishman to the backbone and possess
ed Of as fine brogue as ever distin-
Guished son of Erin. His congrega-
tion was made up Of the very essence
OF fashion in Dublin, which, In those
days, was one Of the greatest social
centers of the world. Eotoriously, peo-
pie were living beyond their means, for
the income from the landed estates OF
Ireland had taken a big tumble. But
that made no difference, and good
dressing went as a matter of course
and was one of the smallest Of the ex-
travagances. The bishop preached on
the subject Of extravaganza and spoke
particularly of overdressing. His SER
non was bitter arraignment Of the
sin of debt and the wickedness of set
ting the heart on fashion and dress.
He attacked the overdressed woman
and wound up this particular reference
this way:
Now, supposing every one Of ye-
every one, man and woman-should
stand up in this church, take of the
clothes ye have not paid for, just walk
in out with the things on your back ye
have paid fora pretty lookin lot Of
scarecrows ye'd be-
"There was pause until the real
significance Of the suggestion had per-
colated through the members of his
congregation. then some one snickered.
Every one was picturing to himself and
herself the real scene that would occur
should the bishops idea be carried into
effect, while wife looked at husband
and members of each family nudged
one another. The ludicrous side was
irresistible and the laugh was general.
81 once attended church at Whalley,
a little village on the borders of Ian
cashire and Yorkshire, in England. The
church, which had been q part of the
old abbey, was built in the year 1866
and is today one of the most interest
ing sacred edifices in Great Britain.
The rector was n Mr.. Whitaker, very
old, very stout and very deaf. He had
occupied the living for 30 years, and
while he generally appeared in church
and took some part in the services, he
was able to afford the luxury of a GU
rate and was always glad to secure the
services of a friend to preach. On one
occasion n gentleman l knew very we'll
was to officiate. 1t was his custom to
ing ex tempore, and always took out
his watch and his pocket handker
chief, placing them beside him before
commencing. This he did as usual.
and, finding a very convenient little
round receptacle, stuffed the handker-
chief into it, laid the watch on top and
fired away.
"The congregation was surprised to
see the old rector, who was sitting at
the bottom desk of the three decker
erection, which suppose still stands
right In the center and half way down
the aisle-not in the chancel, as in the
modern churches-become very uneasy
in his seat. He squirmed around and
looked up, though every one knew
quite well that he could not hear a
word Of the sermon. Finally he beck
oned to the black gowned old verger,
who carried a long wand, and whis-
pered to him. The verger ascended
the pulpit and in turn interrupted the
sermon by a whispered conversation
with the preacher, who was seen to
suddenly grasp his pocket handker-
chief and watch, smile and nod, and
then proceeded with his sermon. He
had filled the receiver Of the old rec
tors ear trumpet, which connected
with tube to the lower desk, and the
raotor bad boon llnahIa m faI1 mhatber