The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1900-12-28
* Humorous Items. Il

; x Humorous Items. Il s
One Token Barred-"Dearie. what do
you want me to give YOU for Christ
mas?' "Well, precious. I've got eleven
framed photographs of you now.''-Dc-
troit Free Press.
H~"Oh, yes, when I was in England
was enthusiastically received in court
circlcS.'
She (simply)-" was the charge
against you?'-Tit-Bits.
Master Did you. give the mare her
brandy this morning, PATTI Pat
Sure, yer honor, it was Il very cowld
morning, SO we tossed for it, and, faith,
the mare lost"'-Tit-Bits.
Sportsman Ito Smith. who hasn't
brought down a single bird all day.
do you know Lord Peckham!'' Smith
-"Oh;; dear, yes: I've often shot at his
house, "Ever hit it?'-Fun.
A gay party out on a yacht
BY a, sudden windstorm was "up-sacht'
Then the sharks that abound
In those waters soon found
They enjoyed a yacht party lacht
-Philadelphia Press.
Young Mother (proudly)-"Everyb body
says the baby looks like me-
Bachelor Brother (amazeD "The
spiteful things don't say that to your
face, do they ?'-lllustrated Bits.
theatsr Feh last SSh hsa Wha o %sx at {?s
"Oh, can't remember, but it was a
cOrker: l have to laugh every time |
think Of it.''-Columbus (O.) State Jour
nal.
Bighead-"Y are too set in your opil-
ions to be Il good reasoner.'
Thickhead-'1 don't see how you can
cox hot hnl< II
ton even when l know l am right
Life.
"Hayc you saved anything in the last
year" asked the irate father of the
prOdigal son.
Yes, dad,'' said the prodigal. GIVE
saved my vermiform appendix Leslie :
Weekly.
Brothers in Misery.-Wife- "Strange
how many great men have been married
rer. Luther, and" Husband with !,
sigh)-4'What a genius must be Them
-Jugend.
Iommy-"Paw. what is tact:'
Mr.. Figg-''Tact my son, is what a
man has not if he talks about his moth.
er's fine cooking just after his wife has
picked up the stove-lid litter by the hot
end. '-lndianapOliS Press.
Mistress-"This water has a quer'
much scientific conversation)-"It's ali
right, mum: There amt a live germ in
it, mum. I run it through the sausag.
cutter New York Weekly.
A Sensitive Soul.-Guest-"Wa Waiter
call the landlord at once; found red
dish-blonde hair in my soup" Waiter
II beg you not to tell him! He is very
sensitive, and would begin to cry, as it
would remind him of his deceased wife,
who had reddish blonde hair -Fliegendc
Blaetter
look here" said the customer, as he
took the first bite. II don't think niue!
of this pie''
whats wrong with it," demanded the
baker, fiercely. young man, l made
pies before you were born
II dare say you did," was the reply,
but I didn't ask you for one of them''--
Pick -Me-Up.
II don't know what to get my best girl
for Christmas.
"Nothing."
What do you mean?"
Just what | say. She'll be awful mad
there'll be terrible quarrel, and then
you'll have all the delightful sweetness
of lmaking-up without it costing you 4
= cent. "-Life.
chrome peddler, represents an oriental
Dance "What does 'oriental' mean?''
asked the head Of the house: Belonging
in the East" You git out. They don't
stand fer no dances like that in the East.
I'm from Connecticut, an l knoW.''-In-
dianapolis Press.
A New Toy.-Mrs. Poppers-"O, John,
you must raise sidewhiskers." Mr. Pop
pers--"What? You've often told me you
hated such things Il want you to
raise nice long ones like Mr.. Markley's.
Ia fol0 ov,l INV
ing his whiskers so much. It was too
cute for anything"
McJigger-"Young Simpkins graduated
from the Veterinary college last month
and his father presented him with case
OF Instruments
Tingumbob - 'Surgical instruments,
McJigger- "Oh. no. Machinists' tools
for repairing automobiles. "-Philadelphia
Press.
Mrs: Hocorn-"But, Mandy, I don't
Beanblossom. He's prosperous enough
He's just put a new Il on his house,
put the whole alpha bet on his house, il
he wants to, but this here literary life
never did appeal to baltimore
American.
The Groom-"What is your usual fee
lOL performing marriages:
Rev. Tieknot-"Oh, l prefer to leave.
that to you-whatever you think it's
worth, you know
The Groom-"In that case I'll have to
wait year at least. If she is satisfac-
tory, I'll pay you handsomely; if not,
you may expect a damage suit.''-Colum-
bus CO., State Journal
He was a new freight handler.
Load those barrels in that car or
dered the freight agent.
"Oi can't load barrels in that cor, sor,''
responded the new man.
why not?"
Its a box cor, sor.''
Proved Their Wisdom.-Sunday-s school
Teacher-'Where did the three wise men
come from?" Phil Adelphy (whose family
had only recently moved to Chicago
'They came from the East" Sunday
school Teacher-"And why were they
H. ~ ~