The Portland daily press., 1900-10-18
CATS PROTECT NAIL.
Expert Pussies on Pay Rolls at
the POstOffice Catch Let
ter-CheWing Rats.
Act AS If They Knew They Were
Above the: Common FeIines.
Chicago News.)

On the corner our frugal and cautious
Uncle Sam guarantees yo1r precious mis-
slye a ride all the way to Honolulu or the
Philippines, and return trip to boot
II necessary. To protect your letter from
the nibbling rats that proWl round the
mall pouches and eat up the love letters
in the Chicago postoHice. the government
organized a brigade Of cats and put them
on the pay roll Of a grateful republic, and
under ciyil-serv1ce. 1t feeds them with
juicy porterhouse once a day at II, with
buttermilk at p. N to keep each cat
on edge to wipe up the floor with the
/ lurking Yoracious rats that nibble the
nations correspondence
There are about thirty-fve cats In
Postmaster Charles Ulysses Gordon's do
main, all determined to uphold the con-
stitution OF the United States with their
lives, to kill as many ra5s as the law al
lows, and to sell their nine lives as dear
Iy as possible, and to fight tooth and nail
for Old Glory and a casual appropriation.
They stalk majssticalIy round the
pickup table, as stately as If they had
passed the civil service examination, and
were due to graduate into the registry
division or money-order section and get a
pension from grateful country. The
registry division has big brindle called
Bruiser. He is about as big as keg
of beer, and is too lazy to walk upstairs,
SO he takes the elevator complacsntly.
He is troubled with asthma and palpita-
tion of the heart and psrches himself on
the sOft-cushioned seat beside the elevator
man, purring away like tea kettle, un-
til he reaches the top floor, when he rubs
his spiky, furry head against the mans
elbow as a parting salute and scamperS
off blithely down the echoing corridor
in search of a rat or a toOthsome f1utter-
ing canary or a chunk of cheese CT a pork
chop or any old thing that will help him
hold the fort till supper time and still the
pangs Of hunger.
"Bruiser" likes to see the registry di-
vision night set work like beavers about
twelve hours at a stretch. Now, one
hour night work in the postoffice is as
rough on the clerks as two hours in the
day, as the bulk of the mail from the
downtown carrier section and the fifty
two outlying postal branch stations
comes in for dispatch on the outgoing
trains between and o. m,
There's a Tipperary cat with green
eyes in the newspaper sectiOn that rules
the rOOs5 and strikes terror to the hearts
! OF the preSumptuOus rival pusSieS in the
city division and foreign section.
He's as big as q shaggy Newfoundland,
as black as ink, and is called Rafferty,
Uhe Ruthless. He WAS born on historic
Halsted street. Rafferty, Is always look
ing 70 rthe best OF it and can whip his
weight in wildcats and is shy an optic
which some other marauding cat gouged
out Of the martyred Rafferty's profile IN
scrap on Madison street.
Rafferty, wears a green ribbon round
his neck and a green patch over his Kill
kenny eye just Tor blind, and when he's
hungry and wants his pork chop, he let's
out blood ourdIing yell like a County
Kildare banshee that freezes the very
marrow in your bones, curdlss your
blood, and makes you think of your past
life. The registry division to a man are
proud OF the redOubtable Rafferty, and
his valiant achievements in the pugilistic
arena ana brag OF his prOWess as a rat
catcher.
They love him for the enemies he has
made. He is the champion heavy
weight Of the registry division and is a
cat with past having won his title as
fairly as James Jetfries when he soundly
trounoed foxy Fitzsimmons and took the
starch out Of Corbett.
The clerks on the night set use Raffer-
| ty as q penWiper, when he languidlY
meanders over the desks and pensively
ruminates on the Vicissitudes OF the stren-
uOus life on the classic lake front, and
rummages through the rubber bands ana
shifts at the mucilage bottle.
| Congress has made an appropriation
/ OF some $50 per annum to feed the cats
and to pay their room rent and to buy
their grOWler Of milk. The man who
feeds the cats distributes the cork chops
impartially, but has to keep his weather
eye fixed on Rafferty,, who would eat the
United States government out Of house
and home and would bankrupt the nation
lingering so long at the lunch counter.
There's a venerable Tom in the pouch
room who has thrOttled ninety seven rats
for Uncle Sam and wants to make Jen-
tury OF it and get medal. He is a shag-
| gy cat, melancholy cat, and prOWls
around the Pocatello case In gloomy
! grandeur, like some bloodthirsty bucca-
neer, uttering grisly yells for vengeance
on the rats that eat up the dainty love
letters ana queer the marriages, His
numerous progeny permeate the pouch
room, crouohing in mall sacks or snuggIy
curled up in bags near the steam heaters
to keep warm for the winter.
-DOWn in the subterranean recesses of
Mr. Gordon 8 sepulchraI basement a big
black cat called Pluto eats his juicy little
porter-hOuse and drinks his little groWIer
full Of milk, and puts in his eight hours.
Pluto is as back as ink, and about as
big as a Shetland pony. Edgar Allan
Poe could construct a creepy, supernatur-
al 'shilling-shocker" that would thrill
the public, If he saw the gigantic Pluto
ruthl5ssly throttIing a scampering rat,
and licking his chops in surly triumph
and yoWling in savage exultation.
Pluto Is cleanly aristocratic cat he Is
always washing his face with his left
paw, and does not mingle with the vulgar
herd Of pussies outside the pale of civil
service, and lets no guilty mouse escape.
He is very particular who pats him on
the back and is great rat catcher and
The proud parent Of an interesting family
Of seven kittens that camp out for the
summer in the mail pouches and hsID
rangBEEE n@ Common ALL