The Washington weekly post., 1900-09-18

found che man he vas well dressed and
arr cared 10 be intelligent b. v,ason OF
lcnesomensss / struck up a conversation.
inauiring his habitat Hutchinson. Kan
sas." he answered. / asked about the salt
wells and divers and sundry other things
in that neck Of the woods. until he said.
''Ycn seem 20 be well acquainted with
Kansas" ''Yes." I replied. II located in
Wichita In fs75 to practice law. but the
srssshoppers drove me out Of the State.
ard I don't believe there has been cne
there siace"
He looked out Of the window a moment
and then growled. grimly; M. But we
have something out there a blamed sight
worse than grasshoppers." Remembering
cnly too vividly what CONSERVATION thosc
pesky insects carried on their wings 10
the people of Kansas. 7 shouted. What
on earth can that be-" With a fierce
gleam Of the eye he said. Jerry simp-
son." and then proceeded to roast "the
sage Of Medicine Lodge to q turn. a PEI
foetly safe performance at the distance of
a thousand miles. but not calculated TO
Increase ones mental comfort at short
range.
But II unpopular With the jayhaVkeTs.
whom he had trounced on every stump
line. Simpson had many friends in Con
gress.
In the winter Of Is4-'s5 he came near
dying of infammatory rheumatism, and
went off for awhile 10 a sanitariun down
In Virginia. The first time he came hob
bling into the House after his return h
was received with generous applausa
which must have warmed the cookies OF
his heart
Though Maine produced Thomas B.
Reed and sent Artemus Ward forth on
MS mirth-proVoking career. her bleak eli
mate does not seem favorable to the
growth Of humorists
OF this quality Gov. Dingley was as des-
titute as a tombstone. He made only Ole
effort in that direction during the Fifty
third Congress. and tnat was not sucn
bowling success as TO tempt him 20
repetition thereoc
In running fire debate with Jerry
Simpson on the proposed bond issue he
characterized Jerry's plan as a Uriah
Heep scheme Of finance And here's the
sequel: Two days later Jerry. with most
provoking gravity, said: The gentleman
from Maine on that occasion did me the
honor TO notice me and said ii would be
a CTiah Heep policy / confess that /
was at very great loss 10 see what the
connection was between the two. and how
Crlah Heep could figure as a financier,
even in the mind of the gentleman from
Maine. l had read David Copperfeld'
ana understood something of the pecu-
ilarltles Of Mieawber, and | only refe- to
TINS now TO show how dangerous il is for
New Englander when he undertakes 10
perpetrate joke. Some gentleman sug-
gested that perhaps the gentleman from
Maine meant Mr.. MicaWber, and 10 and
behold, in the next mornings Record |
saw the Joke had been corrected. I be-
lieve ii was the very first time in the his
tory OF the Record that a Joke was cor
reeted in that publication. The gentleman
from Maine should have prepared a dia-
gram TO explain his witticism"
Jerry gave Speaker Reed more trouble
tnan any other man in the House. His
methods Of warfare We're those of the po-
htlcai and parliamentary guerrilla and
hdrassed the man from Maine" a great
deal. lie was always prepared for the as
saults OF regulars, but Jerry's attacks
surprised and worried Big Tom" q per
formanee which pleased Jerry immensely.
jerry always gave as his reason for prod
ding Reed that in 1894 the year of the Re-
publican food Reed began a speech in
Jerry's district, the famous big Seventh.
by saying: "Fellow-citizens, for four
years this district has been represented
in Congress by chaos, which regard as
one of Mr.. Reeds best mots.
l regret, as do many Others. not all
Democrats and POpulists either, that Jer-
~ will never appear in the HOUSE again.
He aspires TO the Senate, and il will con-
tribute to the gayety OF nations for him
TO get there. That he will have lots of
fun with the eherubLc HOar. the dilettante
Lodge. the omniscient Morgan, the vitri-
olic Peutus, the mathematical Coekrell
and other conscript fathers, there can be
no doubt. A set 20 betwixt Jerry and
Chauneey VI. Depew would be worth tray
cling miles TO see, and a match between
him and Benjamin r. Tillman would draw
better than a heavyweight championship
battle. CHAMP CLARK.
(Copyright 1900 by Champ Clark)