Mesa free press., 1900-09-07
55uzgl|ez.
4\EE9zBI'5l,Rlz
~~~~~~~~~~~

Agreed cheerfully: The Mistress
Bridget, you must stay uBtil get an
other girl. Bridget-That was my in
tenshun, any way. I want to know the
koind ov woman We arev-Bazar.
you seem to love pa better than You do
me. Tommy-Oh, ma, l don't mean
to; but ye' see, pa allus has his pockets
full O. nickels.-Indianapolis Journal.
Flavilla-There are only two kinds
of bachelors. Myrtilla-And who are
they? Flavilla-Those who are too
timid to propose, and those who are
too ageous.-Indianapo Journal.
School Teacher-What little boy can
tell me where is the home Of the swal-
Teacher-Well, Bobby? Bobby-The
home Of the swallow is the stummick.
-Tit-Bits.
Highly Colored: Lady-You have
been drinking rum. Sandy Pikes-Not
a drop, mum. Lady-But how did your
nose get so red? Sandy Pikes-From
drinking circus lemonade, mum.-Chi-
cago News.
Adjoining the Nursery: Mr.. Bricktop
fwhO has hit his thumb with hammer)
-! i! il! Mrs. Bricktop-
John! Remember the children! If you
must use such language, why don't you
spell it?"-Town Topics.
.I nebber could un'stan'," said Uncle
Eben, "why it is dat l finds so much
mo- satisfaction in marchin' fob miles,
hollerin' 'hurrah,' dan 1 does walking
a few furlongs benin a mule, sayin'
'giddep.' Washington Star.
"Do you go away this summer, Mrs.
WoodsY ooh, yes; we spend two
weeks in Michigan with my people, and
two weeks in Ohio with my husbands
people; then we come home and let
them visit s."-Indianapolis Journal.
Smith-If there is anything dislike
It is q shallow man. Jones-Yes, but
there is one thing in his favor. Smith
I'd like to know what it is. Jones-A
shallow man doesn't require as much
watching as deep one.-ChicagO
News.
"In England they say man stands
for Office. In this country we say a
man runs for Office. Why is this?"
''Well, the principal reason is that if a
man stood for office over here he'd
never get one."-Chicago Times-Her-
aid.
Wife-Oh, John! was shopping at
III H. c+ fhn
sweetest thing there Husband
(dipnmatically)-Yes. That's a great
sch 1pe Of Joblotz to have mirrors
all through the store.-Philadelph
Press.
Tried to Obey: Papa-Aha! You have
disobeyed me. Willie-I tried not to.
1t isn't my fault. Papa-Not your fault,
eh? Willie-No, sir. You said, Don't
let me catch you at that again." an
done my best not to let you.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Early Ambition: ooh! NAH good
nessv exclaimed little Abe Lincoln
Snow, 'I wisht I wuz laik de little boy
in dis hyar story-book." "Whuffer"
asked his mother. "Kase hit sez he
went to bed wifi de chickens. ."-Phila-
delphia Press.
Equivocal Comment: "This," said the
funeral director" is the very latest in
caskets; what do you think Of it?'
"Well," said the cigar man from next
door, after a long study Of the article,
'Id hate to be seen dead in it."-In-
dianapolis Press.
Cupid's Bunker: ''The Tifington-
Smith wedding is off" "Row dreadful.
What's the reason" ooh, Miss Tiff1ng-
ton wanted her name in three sizes
larger type than his on the announce
ment cards, and he wouldn't have it."
indianapolis Journal.
Consistent, at Any Rate: "Why,
Dolly, where's Marie? I thought you
were playing circus" "Well, she got
mad and went home, cause wouldn't
give her any peanuts. was the mon
key and she was the. tiger, and tigers
don't eat peanuts. Bazaar.
A shop-keeper wrote to one Of his
customers as follows: II am able to
offer you cloth like theainclosed sample
at half crown a yard. In case do
! not hear from you, I shall conclude
that you wish to pay only two shillings
a yard. In order to lose no time, ac-
ccpt the last mentioned price."-Tit-
Bits.
Hodown-I understand your wife ih~
sisted on drawing the plans herself fog
your new house. Jigsup-Yes, she's
busy over there now. Hodown-Oh,
thought she had finished. She told my
wife she had all the closets laid out.
Jigsup-Yes, but now, she's got to put
the rest of the house around them
Philadelphia Press.
Client don't think you ought to
charge so much for your services. You
knew from thes start that it would be
impossible forsyou to win the case.
Lawyer-Andi for that very reason I