The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-08-15
FROM THE FIRST WARD.

/ III some mems prayers were answer
ed, their neighbors could neither win
law suit or get elected to the school
board.
Take the profits away from whiskey
and you stop the selling of rum. Ne
body is in the business for his health.
once knew whole lot of things
that made me ignorant | now know
whole lot of things that satisfy me
that | never will know very much.
Some of our young pugilists of the
First Ward have been upon the war
path again last week. and by their
appearance, one would suppose they
had run mp against the real thing, with
their black eyes, twisted noses and
distigured faces
The gas company il now putting inr
the finishing wall along their property
on Swans Creek. This makes a very
neat appearance and protects their pro
perty from all heavy floods in the
creek. Other property along this
creek should have similar atten-
ton, as the banks are becoming pretty
badly washed.
William j. Bryan has been officially
notified of his nomination. He knew
of it several weeks ago. but il had to
be done in the regular way of red tape
style. A committee had TO be appoint
ed to tell him something he already
knew The committee makes one know
a thing little hit harder, yon seel It's
like taking the hired man alone to do
the granting when you hand in Your
ballot. You vote harder when there
Is some one to assist you with grunt
Besides this, there is more or less
humhug connected with politics and II
is added to the nasty thing TO make ii
who are about to be fooled The i'm
pressive ceremony above alluded to
took place ON the back porch of an old
country residence in Indiana. The
other leading candidates gave trent
porch seances, but the former aim to
be original and would not stoop to I'M
itation. The back porch is larger, and
those who are not fascinated with the
holy cause of reform, can have
little variety thrown in by making
study of the poultry and mess of Young
pups. The decorations were Grand,
although there was no display of our
national flag. The flag, IA they under |
stand ii, represents the principle of
our glorious country, and should net
be dragged down from its position of
honor to give a patriotic veneeriug To
politics, hypocrisy and large COB of
hosh. have noticed after careful re
searches, that there are political parties
that don't have much left after the
flags are taken down and laid away.
! We will pass over the speech, vociferat-
ed on this Occasion, because political
speeches are mostly wind aud statistics,
and poke berry stained glory, and You
can buy barrel full of them for 10
cents after the campaign Is over and
they have gone out of style.
A new political party was organ2ed
after some difficulty, nj the reeulnr
Curb Stone Club" meeting the Other
night. The speeches were brief but
very pointed Shorty took ont piece
of brown paper and rend brief but
very pointed resolution, as follows:
''Ghe DISCONTINUED human critters
here assembled in convention and
groopn' around III the dark for pro.
per handle to their political stew pm,
hereby resolute to smash portion OF
the name belonging TO the five pro
minent political parties already in fla,
later patch, aud mutually agree to b,
known forever after NJ the Re pro
demo 20 SO party, or in other plniI
language, the Republican Prohibition
Democratic Popnlist Sociaatc party.
Then the Honorable Michael bounced
to his feet and exclaimed, And our
principles should be 'IIiph-Iow ,fnck
o. game OH
And our platform should be any
old thing you can name, oh ahenied
a delegate from the rear of the audi.
ence
Then they had n huhbub for sever
al minutes, during which several noses
were wrenched and the lady delegates
resorted 10 pulling hair in old purity
style. The police attempted TO ruah
iii and interfere with our constitutional
rights, bnt the Delegates modified
themselves near the door aud drove
the foreigners out. Then one Of the
Big A. took the platform amid cheers
and remarked the following:
Gentlemen, we have all the sub
stance Of the old party PLATFORM boiled
down and stuffed into an old moss
covered hide, except the currency
question, and Our blank platform pro-
misses to give you as many standards
of value as the most snnguine could
wish. The platform will be erected in
my back yard and you can come out mt
any time and write down as many vote
catchers AZ you like, which viii he
published in TnE REcoRD later ON.
If you want segnr that is Just
the thing, buy 'Iambcrtylle Pnfls.
4