The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1900-08-15
GUYS Political and Spiritual
Manifesto.

MI Eui1Ol C'C OoSo SAPN''
encipg strong symptoms of the pre-
vailipg epidemic, eetch for some time
past. aud it has now progressed intc
vel, developed case aud we can
hold iu no longer and are impelled
to announce ourself as a candidate
We solemuly engage to abide by the
democratic primary Especially as we
can't do another burned thing any
way and I'll give bond secured by
mortgage of our assets (including
backsets) for the faithful performance
thereof. We think the executive
board should let us in for half price
at this date. which we'll pay down
in hard. cold, spot cash, (soon's we
sell some cotton. Not being 80 ior-
tunate as Walt Whitman we're not
able to appear before those sturdy,
brave. intelligent, hightooed, cnltur-
ed and refined sons of toil-and guns,
the one hat. wool gallus sovereignty
We did procure drafted wheel. la
Walt, and have been broadcastlng
ourself over ten acre patch in our
efforts to "gi. there" " until there's
scarcely ten inch patch Of our whole
skin left. Adams fall was nothin'
to those we've had, but then be want
running for office. Under these ad
verse circumstances we've resolved
20 issue an address to our beloved
constituents and fellow sovereigns
and will beg them to closely and
critically compare our u.terances,
sentiments and promises with those
of our competitors for Office and vote
for us accordingly.
Fellow citizens: We've set up
nights giving the serious and pray
erful consideration of our prodigious
ly vacuous head to the ponderously
momentous issues which are convul
aipg our continent from Nadir to
Zenith, and from the Wateree Swamp
to the Crick Some of these ques
tions of mighty import have extended
their tentacles over the whole State
aud your only protection is to extend
your own prehensile organs, the
almighty ballot, aud grasp them to the
best of your ability, and we promise,
if elected to Office. to grasp any and
everything within our reach, so help
me. Applause.
We believe in all men being born
free aud equal, or as free and equal
as :hey can-also rich In regard to
wagon tires we're unit and always
have been and expect to die 80, un
less you prefer US to become some
other numerical. if elected we'll
enact a law to keep all tires off the
sidewalks of roads for the benefit
of the poor, while the vehicles
and rubber tires oe the rich shall
be allowed full privilege of same,
also present a bill aud pass a nact
requiring all tires to be at least as
wide as every man can conveniently
afford We believe in good roads
and not too ioDg nor sandy nor billy,
a|so low taxes and exemption Of all
qualified registered voters from road
work and ell other Objectionable de
mands upon them-until after the
primary. We believe in reinforcing
tho chain gang from ali voters op.
posed to US and now at large and
more qualified to handle spade than
q ballot
We fully recognize the value aad
Importance of the sheep and egg ln.
dustry and the mad dog scare and
will. do all in our power to promote
the same consistent with your lnallen
able right to raise and keep as many
string bands of yaller mopgrel cur
tail cur dogs as every man may see
fit and cant feed These are our
honest campaign sentiments because
we're fully alive to the fact that If We
tread on your cur-tail dog you'll cur
tail Our vote
The subject of education is very
serious and very nice one Educa
ton commenced in the Garden OF
Eden with two scholars and they
skinned mighty close to Learning too
much in one lesson, and in proof OF
tie mighty progress of education
we'd remark that bad Adam and Eve
been up to date scholars they'd have
tnreshed down the tree Of life, clean
ed up the garden aud every fruit aud d
had enough to picnic on outside I'll
they could have raised another crop
However, education progressed very
rapidly, as evidenced in the case Of
Jacob who commenced his mundane
csrcer by grabbing his elder twin
brother Esau's heel before be himself
had gotten clean lnto the world, then
grabbed his birth right and held
sipch on him ever thereafter. also
euchered his dad iu law as beautifully