The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-09-09
SMART SHORT STORIES.

James Mcneil Whistler wss once paint4
Ing portrait of a distinguished novelist.
who was extremely. clever bur also eye
tremely ill-favored.' When the portrait
was finished, the sitter did not seem sat-
isfied with It. you don't seem to like
it," Whistler said. The sitter confessed
that he did not, and said in self-justif-
cation, you must admit that it is a bad
work OF art" Yes" Whistler replied;
but I think you must admit that you are
bad work Of nature 49,
The late John j. ingalls, was employed
by certain fash newspapers to write ac-
counts CT all sorts Of events and sign his
name to them. In the course of his
contact with the sporting fraternity the
ex-senator made the acquaintance of 10.
l.. Sullivan, ana GIG day, after examining
the pugili9t's muscles and beating
tattoo on his chest he asked: Sullivan
why don't you enter the ring again ami
| try to win the championship from Cor
bett? Fer the same reason" answered
Sullivan, that you didn't enter the race
for senator; 1 consider one knockout
enough"
When a. certain old Dominican father,
after forty years of honest service in
| the Philippines; had arrived at such an
| advanced age that he knew mis- time for
this world was short, his brother padres
| asked him to write & book detailing his
| experiences. He consented, but added:
| ''No one shall see 1t while I live but
when I am gone you will open my private
chest and there you viii find the manu-
script" Recently the old man died, and,
after he was buried, the Dominican
fathers opened the chest and found there
in vast bundle of manuscript sewed to-
gether in the form of a book. On the
cover were these words: THE Char
yf-Xir TJ111s
Filipino People. By Father ----------. D.
O. NJ Prepared as a Result of Forty
Years Careful Study and Observation of
the Race" They opened the book to
the second page and found it blank.
| They opened it 10 the third page and it
was blank There were SEQ blank pages.
| On the very last sheet-was written these
words: This is all 1 know, after forty
years study, Of the Filipino people"
=
| Among all the horrors of war, humor-
| Gus situations often occur. An English
army surgeon in South Africa tells an
| amusing story OF an EngliShwoman of
| high rank who was engrossed by the
| charms of amateur nursing. One morn
| ing, on approaching the cot of a soldier
| to whom she had given especial atten-
| tion she found him with his eyes tightly
! closed and a piece of paper pinned on
the sheet, on which was written"Too i'll
| Once Says the London correspondent
| Of the Manchester Guardian). when he
| first came to London. and was laying
the foundation of his great career. the
| future lord chief justice of England went
| to the pit of a theater. The piece was
| popular, the pit. was crowded and the
| young advocate had only standing room.
All Of a sudden a man at his side cried
out that his watch was stolen Mr.. Rus
| sell and two other men were hemmed In.
| ''It IS one of you three" cried the man
minus the watch. well. We had better
| go out and be searched" said Mr. Rus
| SELL with the alertnesS of mind that did
| not fail him at trying moment amidst
| an excited crowd A detective was at
! hand and the suggestion was accepted.
AS Mr.. Russell walked out, the idea fash
| ed through his mind that If the man be-
hind him had stolen the property he
would probably try to secrete 1T in the
pocket of his front-rank man. Quick as
| thought he drew his coat-tailS about him
only to feel, to his horror, something
large and smooth and round already in
his pocket. While he was still wonder
ing what this might mean for him the
detective theoretically seized the hind
most man. exciaiming, What. you rascal!
at it again?" To Mr.. Russell and the
other man he apologized, and babe them
go free. But Mr.. Russell. before he had
taken many steps, reflected that he could
not keep the watch. He went back to the
box Office and explained with q courage
on which he afterwards said he rarely ex-
perienced greater demands that though
he did not take the watch he had It, So
saying, he put his hand into his pocket
and pulled out-a forgotten snuff-box