The Worthington advance., 1900-12-28

- -; : =
l'v.THE IRISH | ouRrs.
The Answera Made by ,vitpsi.es are 0ftel
81, S 4ue.int and Wi.innsie.i. - s ~
A witness ii one Of our, courts seats
himself ic0mforta bly,. writes John De
Morgan in the. Green Bag, crosses his
legs, makes himself sat Home. and, IN
some instances, leans over and tries ia
chat confdent italy with the Judge. n
England the witness, stands In q, box
like an old fashioned pulpit, the pris
oner occupying a. little larger box
while in Ireland the ;witness- stands lit
orally on table in sf:o.r ID. beneath
the bench, He is denied the privilege
Of leaning on the front of the box, like
his English brother, but has to stand,
often feeling most uncomfortable.m max.
ing an exhibition Of himself for ;. the
amusement of the people Of the court.
Sometimes the: court is indulgent and
allows him to- be seated but: that was
50 rare, in the days when frequented
Irish courts. that whehi granted, the
witness was sure to. be, looked upon
with suspicion as being too, ;. friendly
The Irish witness, especially when
belonging to the peasant class, is often
trial to- the COUNSEL for not only is
he quick at repartee, but his answers
are often confusing. by their quaint
ness and whimsicality. -:
In the Bankruptcy court I once
q uySf
his gross income.
me gross income, is it? Sure an I'd
have ye know that I've no gross in
come; I'm fisherman, an me income
Is all net" was the astonishing reply.
These witnesses are often confused
through the misunderstanding of
words and phrases and as q conse.
quence many laugh cannot be sup-
pressed, even by the most strict tip
staff
''He called me out Of me name,"
said witness in a case of assault by
man on woman. The justice. try.
Ing to preserve the relevancy of the
witness testimony, said:
"That's civil action, my good
woman"
The witness eyes flashed fire as she
looked up at the justice.
"Sure, thin, If ye call that q civil
action. it's a bad bla'gard ye must be
yerself.''
A Left.Handed Witnesses.
once heard a clerk ask witness to
take the Bible in his right hand. The
witness replied that he would not do
so, and continued to hold out the left.
Then the court thundered out: .
"Take the book in your right hand.
SIR
"Begorra. If We say so I'll do it, but
I'm not responsible for what do.''
what do you mean?"
"Musha, it's left-handed am, an me
right can't be depended on at all, at
ALL"
The witness evidently thought that
his physical 1ncapacity would affect
the value of his testimony. If he used
the right hand for holding the book.
In a case of assault on q wife by her
husband, the counsel for the complain
ant, after she had been sworn, asked
most insinuatingly, and with look at
the Justice, which was intended to Gre.
ate sympathy:
"And now, Mrs. Sullivan, will you
kindly tell the court whether your hus.
band was in the habit of striking you
with impunity?" ....
The counsel looked again at the 1us.
tice while awaiting the reply.
with what, sor?"
"With impunity."
"Faix he did. sor. now and thin. but
he; sthruck me more often with his
flsht:"
The counsel was compelled to smtle.~
but he was equal to the occasion. for
he Immediately asked:
; "And that hurt you more?"
"lndade it did, sor," was the reply.
When the great O'Connell reused the
ire Of flshwife by calling her a par.
allelogram," the world laughed, but
tor a warrant against a man for using
abusive language in the street. What
did he say?" asked the magistrate.
':He wint forenst the whole world at
the corner of Chapel street, an called
me. yis he did, yer wurship, AN ould
oncommunicated gasometer.'
Was Forced to "Prewarleate!"
IN the trial at the Galway assizes, 4
witness, one Patrick Flanagan, was q
great friend Of the accused and gave
his evidence very reluctantly. He was
thick in his utterances and added to
his obvious dislike to testifying. he
labored under the physical difficulty Of
having lost several of his front teeth.
in a recent fight. Several times he
was asked to repeat his answers. and
he got excited. Then the use Of long
words by the counsel added to his ner-
vousness, and he answered very inco.
herently. Don't prevaricate, SIR"
shouted the Judge angrily. "Prewari.
cate, is it," exclaimed the witness;
"I'm thinkin'. me lord. it's yerself
wouldn't be able to help prewaricatin'
Il three or four of your lordship's teeth
Wor knocked out Of your head!"
mot guilty, me lord; but the jury ad-
vises the prisoner not to do It again."
was the verdict in case tried in Tip-
perary, and this has, its counterpart in
the verdict Of Galway jury, my lord,
we find the man who stole the horse
not guilty"
i. "How can you swear that the hens
found In this mans yard belonged to.
you?" asked a lawyer Of q witness who
appeared against an alleged chicken
thief in Waterford. 'By the kind. sor."
why, that is absurd; have some like
them myself" Quick as a fash Of
lightning the witness replied. every
likely, sor, lost some a bit before this
man took thin this toime.''
In q northern court an old woman
was exceedingly garrulous. and insist
ed in telling the court what abe would
do If she were on the bench. The
Judge at last exclaimed. "An old
woman is not fit for the bench - "sure,
your lordship ought to know from ex.
perience," was the retort which con,
Vulsed the bar, for the Judge in cues.