davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
solving the Problem.

Domestic--Ism much obliged 10 We,
mum, fer sendin' me to that cookin'
school 80 long. Here's me diplomer
wot / got terdAy.
Mistress (who thinks she has SOW
ID the servant girl problem) I'm de-
lighted. Now, presume you can
cook.
Domestic--Please, mum, tn teach
er said we couldn't be expected to
remember all We learned, an we
must buy her cooikin' book, an keep
It by US all tn time.
Mistress-C Certainly, will get you
copy.
Domestic-Thankee, mum. An
please. mum, wud We moind sendin'
me fer a few terms to boardin' school
till learn to read?--New York
Weekly.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

He VIII Interfere Next Time.
A Lewiston man was passing
through a country district near the
city one day recently. when on In
a field he saw d boy throwing
stones through the glass of q
deserted house. The mans first
impulse was to snout to him to
stop. but then he thought that the
boys father should have taught
him better things, and It was not
his duty to chastise another. mans
children for their wickedness. So
ne went home that night and be-
gan to tell the instance at supper
table. His boy. who had been
out in the country hunting all day.
began to turn seven colors. and
finally broke out: well, pa, you
needn't be 30 roundabout. You
know 1t was me, and I guess the
man who owns 1t knew, for saw
him running after me down the
road" Before that evening was
passed, sure enough, the owner Of
the old house drove up and de-
manded the pay for the glass. N.3A
Augusta, Me-, Journal.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
In Mitigation.

Poor old Pattison. He found II
In the Answers to Correspondence
column OF a weekly contemporary:
Sarah, you are not legally bound
to live with your husband"
He blue-penciled It. and left It
about: but his wife did not see it.
She simply put It on the pile Of
other papers.
He cut II out and stuck It on q
card and left. It about with some
more. Next morning he took 1t out
Of the wastepaper basket and paint
ed the edge of the card red; but
he found 1t just thrown on the fire
that evening, and he knew the at
tempt to call her attention to 1t was
hopeless. --Pick-Me Up.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
a. Nice Cou.in.

Jack--You know when Mabel re-
1ected me last week told you
my troubles and you promised to
help me. Well. she accepted me
last night. Am to thank you
for, interceding for me?
Cousin Belle-Not exactly, dear
boy. 1 simply intimated to Mabel
that I was after you myself
Philadelphia Press.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
THOSE GIRLS.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
It Let Him ont.

Is
The British workman hates TO
'lose . quarter" but there are oc-
casions when even he 10 prone to
fall.
1t happened so to horny-handed
son of toll who persisted In turning
up late in the mornings, and was
July taken to task by his employer.
Here you are again." said Mr..
Boss: late once more. What's the
reason?'
Every sorry" replied the man,
but / didn't wake UP in time.
,verslept myself"
Anyhow" said his master. you
will have to get here earlier"
''Why!' calculated the man, In
amaxement. what's the good Of me
coming when I'm asleepr-Ally
Sloper.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
AT the Examination.

Teacher Ito little Isidor. who Is
very poor at fractions)-If I need
three and one-half yards Of cloth
for a suit, and the cloth costs IN
sulden a yard, what will the suit
cost?
Isidor-To begin with, teacher,
three yards would be enough for q
suit, and you could get 1t at our
store for gufden-the suit would
cost you gulden-F1iegende Blat-
ter.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
Deductive Reasoning.

II believe you have been secretly
married to young Mr.. Noodle" cried
the irote father.
How ridiculous!' replied his
daughter.
-s'"Well," said her sire, she used to
come here at o'clock and stay till
1880. and now he doesn't. get here
until . o'clock and leaves at 10:15."
Philadelphia Press.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
! auest.en Of Re.pon.ibill

a QueDtIOM OF NespOMsfuHAHtSs
TITS strange he said. ,"how
easy 1t is for a pretty girl to make
fool OF a man."
"Oh. I don't think would put It
Just that way" she replied. but I
will admit that it's strange how easy
It Is. for q man to make q fool OF
himself over pretty girl. Fools,
you know, are usually self-made."-
Washington Star.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
He Knew,

"Is his name in Who's Who?'"
II don't know as to that" replied
the demure one blushing., but he
has demonstrated to me that he
knows who's who and what's what,
and I'm who and that diamond en-
gagement ring IL what. Chicago
Evening Post.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
Privilege. Of Plutocrats.

salesgirl-won't you buy a collar
protector for your son?
Father (who has suddenly acquir
ed wealth)-Collar protector? My
son doesn't need to protect his col
iars-he can put on a clean one every
week IL he wants to!-Humoristiche
Blaetter.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
Not So sleepy.

When Frances was
being put to bed the
other night, instead
of the usual 90 tory"
her mamma gave her
a little lesson on d.
vine goodness
THE dear Loro
owes everything"
said mamma. why,
not q sparrow falls
from It's nest to the
ground but He knows
IT,"
Does He put the
little birdie back
again, mammal"
asked Frances, anx-
iously.-Harlem Life.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07

Kentucky Revival
1.-THE Greatest Hu-
man Monstrosity
the Nineteenth Gem
fury" was exhibited
Monday night at the
Thirteenth Street
Colorsd b apt.tst
church, CovinGt0n,
where . revival ID
being held. A living
woman, perfectly
formed In every way,
with two heads, four
arms and fouU legs,
double. kneed and
double jointed. and
with eyes in the side
Of her head, was the
curiosity. With SUI
perstitious awe the
assembled colored
people gaxed upon
this extraordinary
combination.
."Fo' God" said
one old negro, rever-
emily. ''she II de mos
salambacious lookin'
white woman dat I
ever did see. Ny ole
woman see enough
out Of two eyes, but
when It comes to TO-,
excuse me-" and the
old fellow shuffled
on with an indignant
look at the four eyed
monstrosity.
She could sing like
a mocking bird or
play the guitar. She
said she had sung be-
fore all the crowned
heads Of Europe.
She can read a
book with two eyes
and fiirt with the ice
man with the other
two. She can keep
her eyes from pick.
ing and stealing, but
she cannot keep her
lips from evil speak
ing. for the Post re-
porter heard one pair
Of lips singing Be
cause I Love YOU"
while the other pair
were 'cusslng" the
bandman. = Coving-
ton, KY, Post.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07

Device Of the sCross-Eyed.
There Is a man at Accrington who
squints so badly that when he wants
to read the news he. ia compelled to
buy two copies of the paper and
hold one in each hand.-Weekly
Telegraph.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07

Gradual Progress.

Gradual Progrsss.
"How's your boy
doing?" inquired the
man whose business
takes him occasional
~. to q rural COM
finunity, where he
knows all the In.
hAbitants, according
to the washington
Star.
Fine"
HAS q good job,
has her"
HE amt got .
Job no more. He's
got q situation. He
started in with a Job,
where he didn't get
nothin' but wages-N
a week. But he done
so good that they
boosted him right
along, 30 that now
he's gettin' $40 q
week. That there
amt wages. That's
salary"
How are your
own affairs prosper
mgr"
First rate"
"Still pursuing your
old buMnessf"
+, mo. I'm q farmer
now"
why, isn't that
what you always
weref"
mo. Stree. / don't
fool myself with no
flatterin' notions. Up
to q little while ago,
when the wave OF
prosperity, struck, I
wasn't nothin' but q
common c q G k . r.
But I've bought an
extra piece Of ground
an lifted a couple Of
mortgages, an now
I'm a farmer. Ef tho
luck holds out I'll
have some money In
the bank In a few
years. Then I'm goin'
to buy q threc-min-
ute hoes an a buck
board and NOW the
grass in front Of the
house and be an ag-
ricultura1ist."
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
Given the Right Direction.

Parson Ito Mr.. MacdougaD-I want
to see Mr.. Thompson, please.
Macdougal (who was not on the
best Of terms with his partner, late
ly deceasedl-Aweel, We maun gang
tae heil.-Phil Mays Winter Annual.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07

An amusing Incl.
dent occurred recent
~ In q Brooklyn
street car that was
crowded with Christ
mas shoppers. A
sweet faced little
woman OF middle
age was standing at
the front door Of the
car. When the car
reached the corner az
which she wished to
allsht, she opened
the door in front Of
her and said:
Driver, driverw
Az the motorman
did not appear to
hear. she said In the
same tone, but with
an evidence of ner-
vousness as the car
did not slacken in
speed:
Say, halo! hallo!"
The motorman re-
NAMED unresponave
but the car stopped
and the passengers
who had overheard
the little woman's
efforts all smiled as
she alighted. Before
the apple checked
motorman closed the
door after, her he put
his face In the aper-
ture and said with
an accent, that
srnacked of German:
"She fought I vas a
telephone"
II was not for sew
eral blocks that or
der was restored to
that end of the car
New York Tribune.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
Newest idea In Pigeons.

At Hunslet.. near Leeds. breeder
Of carrier pigeons is crossing his
homing birds with parrots, so that
when flying long-distance matches
they can ask their way.-Weekiy
telegraph.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
Unselhsh suitor.

THY e n d er
waist!" cried the low
er. In rapturous
rhapsody.
Shyly she raised
her eyes to his.
you talk like a
man who has, some
thing up his sleeve!"
she faltered, while
the delicate color
suffused her refined
Greek features.
In this moment she
seemed. II possible.
more beautiful than
ever. - Detroit Jour
nal.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07

Ten years ago."
protested the farmer.
II could buy a gold
brick for SO, 900. and
you ask me SIS. 000!"
The swindler in
clined his head; he
had no concessions
make.
"And vet the mon
eyed interests" the
I a m g r exclaimed.
bitterly. profess not
to understand agrar-
Ian discomfort under
an order which per-
mits trusts!" PUCK.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
No Allowance.

There Is a kind Of
smoky haze hanging
ovsr the city today"
remarked the man
who had Just landed
In town.
"A further ac-
quaintance." replied
the hardened native,
will satisfy you that
It is a kind of hazy
smoke" - Chicago
Tribune.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07

Why She Refused.
Dorothy had never
seen any pumpkin
pie until her first
visit to the country.
and to her grand
mothers asking her
II she'd have a piece
the little girl replied:
mo. I thank you.
I never eat pie with
out a roof on IT,
: Judge.
Fine Distinctions.
who is that young
nobleman a r Il s t
whom you introduced
me tor"
Won Hohenstein
Waldheim Langen-
burg Bernfeld."
"Famous?"
"No--He has no
name yet" -Fliegen-
de Batter.
-
Raxor vs.. Fatigue
Mrs. Elder-I sup
pose your constitu-
ton pulled you
through.
The convalescent--T
suppose 1t did,
ma'am; though from
the Doctors bill you'd
think he did It ALL
Puck.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07

Crawley-Dear me!
though I've seven OF
the finest raxors, still
they all somehow
manage to become
tired.
Strawley - That's
simple enough, old
fellow; almost any
thing that came in
contact with your In
domttable c h 9 e k
would get tired
Life.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-01-07
Competent.

United States Dis
trict Judge Williams.
now holding court at
Topeka, tells q funny
story. Years ago he
was a district Judge
In Arkansas. At q
certain term OF court
q murder trial came
before him. and the
most important wit
resc for the prosecu-
ton was a colored
boy only 10 years old.
The lawyers for the
defense set out to
show that the boy
was too young to un-
6erstand the nature
of an oath and there
fore was not compe.
tent as q witness.
Boy said one Of
them, severely. ''de
you know what
would happen II you
swore to a Lief"
"Yes, sab. Nanny
would lick me-"
would anything
else happen?''
"'Deed dey would,
case de devil would
git me-"
At this point Judge
Williams leaned over
his desk and said,
with pretended stern
ness: Don't you
know. boy. that I
would get you, too?"
Yes, sab. OATS
what I JUS said.
Kansas City Journal.
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
Ike St. Paul Limp. Into Port.

NEW YORK, Nov. 5.-The American line steamer St. Paul limped into port yesterday under the port engine after having incurred the most serious experi- ence of her career. On Oct. 31 at S:CS D. m., in latitude 4G.13. longitude 4S.O3, the St. Paul struck n supposed submerged wreck, carried away the starboard pro- peller, causing the engines to race so fercely that the shaft broke, and all con- nections snapped. The starboard en- zines were so severely wrecked that they are useless, and it will take six months to replace them with a new set. The after outboard sNlaft tubing was carried away. The ship E. leaking considerably. When the accident occurred, the cabin passengers were quite excited, but they were soon restored to quiet by the prompt report that the steamsr was in no dan ger. The wind was blowing heavily from the northeast, with a high cross sea. The engineers examined the breaks and disconnected the starboard engines, and the St. Paul proceeded on her voy- age under the port engine at reduced sDeed
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
BRITISH APPOINTMENTS
Irish secretaryship Goes to n1l ..-r wyStdhnm. B


 LONDON, Nov. 5.-The Times an nounces this morning that Mir. George Wyndham, who was parliamentary un- dersecrctary of state for war in the late cabinet, will probably be appointed chief secretary for Ireland. It says it is also likely that MT. Walter Hume Long, who was president of the board of agriculture, will become president of the local gov ernment board and that Mir. Robert Viii liam Hanbury, who was financial secre- tary to the treasury, will be given the postmaster generalship, with seat in the cabinet. .. ,.. According to the same authority the Marquis of Londonderry will be ap- tinted president of the board of agricul- K Ire, and Mir. Austin Chamberlain win be removed from the post of civil lord of the admiralty to that of financial secre- tary to the treasury. For minor posts Mfr. Hugh Oakeley Arnold Forster, Lord Stanley and Lord Cranborne, eldest son of the premier. are named.
 It is probable that Earl Cadocan, lord lieutenant of Ireland, will defer his res ignation for some months.
 The seals of office will be exchanged at council to be held at Windsor castle Nov. F. ,s1 1H- -.t-r'- ,,i5-
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
OUR TROOPS ACTIVE.
Repeated Failure of Filipinos
 Causes Reaction.
AMERICAN PRISONERS RECApIUREA
Former InsurEents Send Expresxic7s of Loyalty to Washinston-Ex-e cftement Over Prcsiden-
 tiaJ Election.

7 MANILA, Nov.s Last week was de voted to active scouting. The insurgents, having failed to crush single garrison, are now experiencing d reaction.
 Lieutenants Wilson and Dority of the Forty-ffth volunteer infantry destroyed large stores of rice, four granaries and g barracks near Bato.
 Captain Atkinson, with 34 men of the Thirt.-seventh volunteer infantry, at tackled 19O insurgents under Colonel Valencia, recovering two American pfis- oners and capturing considerable quan- tity of ammunition and supplies.
 A native orchestra lured the United States troops from their quarters near Dagupan while the insurgents attacked the rear, killing two Americans and wounding three.
 Yesterday Scnor Buencamino, repre- senting the principal ex-insurgents in Ma nila, requested Judge Taft to forward to Washington a signed expression of their loyalty.
 There is considerable excitement over the approaching presidential election, with good deal of betting en the re- suit
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
A GoRGEousLY BOUND

Work of art has just been issued at an outlay of over S100,O00, for which the publishers desire a manager in this county, also a good solicitor; good pay to the right party. Nearly 100 full page engravings, sumptuous paper, IT. luminated covers and bindings; over POO golden lilies in the Morocco bind ings; nearly 50 golden roses in the cloth bindings. Sell at sight; presses running day and night so great is the sale. Christian men and women mak- ing fortunes taking orders. Rapid promotions. One Christian woman made clear $500 in four weeks taking orders among her church acquaint- ances and friends. Write us. It may lead to permanent position to man. age our business and look after our large correspondence which you can attend to right at your home. Address J., A. Knight, secretary, Coreoran building opposite United States treas ury. Washington. D. c. 4f
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
FATAL MINE EXPLOSION. Aceldent In . West ViT1infn Colliery Cnuaea Heavy Loas of Life.

RUCKHANNON, w. Va, Nov. B. From the best sources of information it is believed there are 20 victims of Satur- days mine disaster. The work of rescue Is being pushed as rapidly as possible, but only Il bodies have as yet been re covered. Four were alive when found. Ollie Marks, the. boss, and his brother are dying. Thirty-two men were report ed to have been in the mine, but the ex- act number of missing will not be known until there is roll call. Several hun dred dollars have been raised for relief.
 At 1:30 o'clock Saturday morning a terrific explosion occurred at the South ern Coal and Transportation company 8 mines at Gettysburg, six miles from Philippi., The explosion was plainly heard in Philippi. The mine owners re- fuse to discuss it, saying it was caused by too heavy 0 charge of powder being used. The miners say it was caused by lredamp. Nr-
 The disaster Is one of the most horri- ble that ever occurred in this region. It is the first accident in the coal field which is being operated by the Southern Coal and Transportation company, and the mines have been running but a few months. Firedamp had been noticed for several days, and the attention of the mine fol eman, it is said, had been call ed to the tact, but no attention was paid to 1t apparently, and the men continued to work. Buildings were shaken, and many thought it was an earthquake. Men and women rushed to the street in great excitement.
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
OAKvILLE HAPPENINGS

The funeral of Mrs Edwin Stoddard took place yesterday afternoon from her late home. The Rev MT Fletcher of this village and the Rev MT Pegrum of Watertown ofticiated. The floral offerings were numerous and beautiful among them being q bank of roses, q pillow and anchor. a cross and num- erous bouquets. Interment was in Wa terbury cemetery. .- D
 The Junior Auxiliary will meet Sat urday afternoon at 3 o'clock at Wa tertown to attend to packing the mis- sion box.
 There will be m illustrated lecture given by Professor Turner in the church of St Mary Madgalene Wednes- day evening, November 21. Admis- sion will be 15 cents. children 10 cents.
 The ladies of St Maary Madgalene church will give five nights fair be- ginning November 9. Mrs Kate Babin, Robert Babin, Alice Murtha and Mary Geogahan are on the music committee.
 At the football game at the Driving park yesterday the St Thomas Cadets beat the Merrimacs by a score of GO.
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
Woollex In Illino,,.

PEORIA, Ills, Nov. 5.-John G. Wool ley. Prohibition nominee for president, spent Sunday quietly resting aboard his special train in preparation for his last dayisswork of the campaign. The special left Peoria this morning at T:5O clock for q run through northern Illinois, fin ishing at Rockford with the evening ral- y. Stops will be made throughout the day at Fremont, Mackinaw, Blooming ton, Fl Paso, Lasaile, Mendota, Dixon, Polo and Freeport. Mr. Wooliey issued the Following statement: We Prohibi- tionists do not divide our work into cam paigns. It goes right on. go east im- mediately to New York md Baltimore to make the same kind, of speeches l have been delivering for 13 years"
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
serious TroiTey Avr,aent.

MONTREAL, Nov. 5.-Fully score of people were injured more or less seri- ously, some of them sustaining broken arms and legs, in trolley accident which occurred yesterday afternoon on subur- ban line four or five miles outside of this city on Cote dcs NeiGes hill There was a pilgrimage yesterday afternoon from the archbishop's church to Cote des Neiges cemetery, attended by several thousand people. While street car loaded to it's c, pacity was ascending the steep Cote des Neiges hill the trolley slipped off. IT. motorman applied the brakes, but the IT slid backward slowly
 There was a pai lc among the people in side the car, ana they made rush for the front vestibule. So many crowded in that the motorman was rendered pow erless to do anything further. People broke the vestibule windows, the win dows of the car and jumped from the rear platform. Fully Q score were more or less injured, several receiving broken arms and legs. The car gathering speed dashed into Q car following, and that one crashed into another before all were finally brought to Q standstill.
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
Last Sunday In Canton.

CANTON, O., Nov. 5.-Presidcnt Me. Kinlcy's last Sunday in Canton for some time to come was very similar to other Sundays of the summer vacation spent here He took Mrs. Mckinley for her usual morning drive and then went to the First Methodist church, where he usually worships. During the afternoon they took another drive. There was 9 number Of callers during the day. Prep arations for receiving the election news at the house are completed. Telegraph and telephone wires have been strung in numbers sufficient to quickly handle all of the returns. Today will be largely de voted to packing up and preparing for the return to Washington on Wednesday.
Waterbury Democrat., 1900-11-05
Senator Davis Much Worse.

ST. PAUL, Nov. 5.-The condition of Senator c. k. Davis is reported as de- cidedly worse last night, and grave fears are entertained that if his life shall be saved it may be at the cost of his foot or possibly his right leg. The pus which had formed in the fore part of his foot and for the removal of which two sur gical operations were performed has now gathered farther back toward the heel, and indications are that it is permeatinc the entire limb. The fever with which the patient was suffering on Friday has returned and does not yield as readily to treatment as formerly. The surgeons in attendance held a consultation, and .t was decided to send at once to Chicago for the best specialist to be had. The senator is very restless and suffers much pain.