The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1900-09-25
FUNNY SIDE
OF JUSTICE
Many Men Play Many
Parts.
FIGHTERS FATE DEFERRED
Hearing in Testa Ayres ARRAY Case
Postponed--A Young Lawyers
Maiden Tip.

bench in the police court to deal out
justice, yesterday morning, there was
standing room only in the dingy old
courtroom. His honor adjusted his
spectacles and cast his eyes compre-
hensively over the sea of faces before
him, then let his thoughtful gaze fail
upon the neatly typewriter calendar
teresting one. The actors represented
all nations, as well as almost all the
lesser offenses.
One could almost imagine by looking
upon the studious countenance of the
Judge as he bent his head intently over
the list of names and crimes thereto
appended, waiting for the calling of the
first case that he was murmuring soft
ly to himself little preliminary invo-
cation. His lips moved slightly as his
eyes ran down the list of 50 charges,
and he seemed to be saying: From
malicious injury and profanity. from
common nuisances and common drunk
enness. from assault and battery and
cruelty TO animals. from needless driv-
ing and ARRAYS, disturbing the quiet
Of the night, and from violating the
regulations of the Board of Health.
good Lord deliver u.s.
IF. J. Tesla and Ii. NJ. Ayres." called
out Hanrahan, the court officer. rails
ing his $50 pounds of corporeal being
from it's seat, placing his pen behind
his ear, and stopping long enough in
the work of curling his heart-breaking
mustache to allow the words to escapa
in thunderous tones from between his
we'll kept teeth.
With that. straight up the aisle there
STROBE
Two mighty men of war:
Both charged with fighting on a road
And the eye of one was sore.
The elephantine Tesla crossed the
line in front of the judges stand first.
Ayres was a close second. Size by sid :
before the bar of justice they stood.
looking straight before them. Nor
would they deign to look upon each 9TH
err, for indignation burned In the
spacious breast of each. They had
fought. They were charged with at
fray. Each thought the other to b.ame.
Each believed it the duty of the other
to apologize.
They were no ordinary prisoners,
such as pass before the altar Of justice
in droves. day by day. They were men
of parts-large parts. Some deep, mys-
ferrous motive no doubt underiay the
cause of their quarrel. Some secret af-
fair of State. some subtle Cause IN
known to the vulgar mass.
There's pair of good heavyweights
goin' to waste" remarked d sciappy
looking individual in the second p-m
from the front, borrowing chew OF
tobacco from man who had just come
in.
I'D like to see go between them
fellers. Behind be kind o'even I'm q
thinkin'."
The man with the 'opu nui would
knock the socks off'n th;es red heade5
bloke," ventured a little sailor with g
! big head.
Come off, you,' answered his mate
who had deserted his ship to get drunk
| He don't wear no socks. Besides h
amt goin' to give whatever-you-cal
| him a chance, is he?"
Did the fat Teller pull all the hail
off n the sportin' mans head?" wills
pered one. Mo; that's the way i
crowd on account of too much thinkin'
Them brainy chaps gets bald early
don't yer see?"
Attorney Creighton appeared for Mr.
Tesla. Mr.. Ayres appeared for him
self. This was Mr.. Ayres' maiden trIl
90 q tSNh IlC W ldlTly SOOu
dition, having trained well. Attorne,
Creighton, having a case in the Su
preme Court, moved for a postpone
ment until tomorrow morning, Wednes
day. Ayres entered a plea of not gull
ty. Lawyers ''rubbered" considerabl,
when they discovered the self defence
in the act of speech. Ayres pushed a
the sound of his own words. He spok
i his piece very well. however, AM. IN
attorneys gathered around realize,
that they We're likely to have a com
petitor in the field of argument
May it please your honor" he said
I plead not guilty as charged TIL
charge refers to an alleged ARRAY o.
King street. / know nothing of an
ARRAY on King street" Judge Wilco
said that as long as the alleged affra
took place within the jurisdiction of tn
court it made no difference whether i
occurred on King street or any othe
street Mr.. Ayres was willing that til
case should be postponed, so the hear
ing was booked for tomorrow morning
Messrs. Tesla and Ayres bowed an
sought their respective seats.
The audience was disappointed, Man
witnesses We're ready to give evidenc
+. on both sides. Mr.. Tesla had a littl
army of witnesses, while Mr. Ayre
also had several. A tall. ethereal bru
nette was ready and waiting to tastif
IN behalf of the handsome Ayres. Whe
the case was postponed she arose an
huttered out of the court
Ayres and Tesla had also preferred
, charge, each against the other, for us
, ing naughty and indicate phrareolog
in public place. These cases, like
wise, were postponed until Wednesda.
Then followed the ordinary police coul
cases.
r. III. Organ on being asked if he wa
drunk as charged, replied that h
guessed so. Judge Wilcox told him tbs
this was not guessing competition
and added that if it were. the coul
would have the advantage, inasmuch q
1t guessed last. Two dollars and cost
was finally ira nsferred from Mr.. On
gan's jeans to the Golfers of the cour
III. Hansen and John Doyle were ne,
presented at court for ARRAY One wa
: short and the other was tall The
pleaded not guilty and escaped with
reprimand. The short man, on bein
invited to question the officer who mad
the arrest, displayed diffidence on tt
grounds that he was afraid the police
man could not understand his Hens
fish," His honor speedily assured hi
that there WAS no cause for appreher
sion. and thereupon the short ma
shuffled over to the witness box an