davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
Nine Conundrrr,s

l. Why do you go to bcdy Because
tne bed VIII not come to you.
2 When is ship like a book? When
it is outward hound.
8. Why has an ocean voyage no ter
rors for physicians? Because they are
accustomed To see sickness.
4. Why is popular novel like au-
tumn! Because its leaves are quickly
turned and always read (redD.
.. Why should thirsty man always
carry watch? Because there is a
spring inside of it.
q. Who are the most exacting of all
landlords? Why, the children. because
they never fail to make their father
and mother parents.
Z. What is it that no one wishes to
have, vet, when he has it, he would be
very sorry to lose? A bald head
9. What conundrums are always at
home? Those that are never found
out.
y. What insect does a tail feather rep
resent? a daddy long legs.
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
Her watch Went Wrong.

1t was Il dear girl who bought q
watch of jeweler who warranted il
for year. In a week or so she was
back.
MY watch does go queerly," she
said as she began fumbling at her
dress.
In minute there was a little rustic
and then click on the floor. She pick
ed up the watch quite as a matter of
course and passed it to the jeweler
who stood aghast.
at keeps all sorts of time." she said
sweetly.
The jeweler suppressed his feelings
and only remarked mildly:
"a watch needs very careful han
ding"
"Oh, I'm ever SO careful with mine.
l always carry it inside my dress, so
that it won't get scratched. l ought
to have brought it here before. it has
been going so badly, but left it under
my pillow the other morning, and Mary
changed the bed, and it got into the
laundry. 1t wasn't boiled, you know;
just soaked little WHILE"
81 fear, miss, we shall be obliged to
charge you for adjusting the watch
1t seems TO be'in bad way"
''Oh, think it is too bad. 1t was
warranted for a whole year, and here
I've had it only about week. and
have hardly used it at all."-London
Answers.
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
YOUTHS DEPARTMENT..
The Dreadful Thing Peri Did-Nine
Conundrums-Doro
Mustn'ts.

The minute the boys got home Aunt
Millicent knew something had happen
ed, but of course she didn't dream Peri
innocent eyed. gentle Peri-had been
doing dreadful thing She saw Flynn
embarrassing without once stopping to
pat Peri. and she was sure she didn't
hear the clink of the sugar bowl cover
that meant Early was getting Peri his
reward of merit-sugar plums. Neither
of the boys petted the dainty little
horse.
What in the worldr' said auntie
Then they came into the house, and
she saw how sorrowful Early's face
was and how stern Flynns was.
What in the world!''
Aunt Milly.' began Early slowly,
"Peris been doing dreadful thngv'
"a dreadful thing. echoed Flynn
dismally.
HAS he run over anybody?" cried
Aunt Millicent anxiously. Tell me
quick. boys.'
o'm-oh. nom; that isn't it! But
guess it's worse. He's pickpocketed."
"Yes'm. Peri's pickpocketed."
"Ohw
Auntie couldn't any way help little
tone of relief. 1t would have been so
dreadful if Peri had run over some
body! And this other dreadful thing
well, she would see. She folded her
hands and waited
"You tell, Early
mo. you-yourc the tallcst."
you've had the most MULTIPLICATION
tables. anyway"
We'll, then. III tell. You see, auntie.
we were going past Mr. Smiles black
smithery an Peri limpcd. So we went
in to see bout it,"
Early's voice was shocked and sol
enn as he went on. "Nn Mr. Smiles
pocketbook was sticking out of his be-
hind pocket an all Peri piclspockcted
it. That's the dreadful thing Peri did
auntie."
"Dreadfulr' murmured Aunt Nrilli-
cent
we were so 'shamed. but of course
we had TO tell Mr. Smile. You see.
Peri just reached down his nose an did
1t just as easy. Auntie. DIDO you
s'pose he's been 'customed to pick
pocketing things? DO you spose it's
in his blood. same as we heard Uncle
Rollin say lying was in Patsy
O'Kane's?"
oh, auntie, say you don't s'pose!"
interposed Flynn eagerly.
well, | don't s'pose," said auntie
promptly. Does Peri seem sorry
bit?"
"Oh, yes'm, he's sorry, but I'm fraid
it's the sugar; we didn't give him any,
you Know. We had to punish him."
"Yesm, we had to. an we didn't pat
MN single once; we igernored him."
Poor little Peril" cried auntia
Lets go out and see him Early,
Dring two sugar plums. You see, boys,
he hasn't any conscience voice Peri
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
DornfhH,n Nnstn,ta

I'm sick of ''musn'ts" said Dorothy D..
Sick Of ''mustn'ts'' as can be.
From early morn till the close of day
hear mustn't" and never ..may"
It's You mustn't lie there like s'cepv head"
And You mustn't sit up when it's time for bed; -
lou mustn't cry when comb YOUR curls,"
You mustn't play with those noisy girls;"
You mustn't be silent when spoken to-
You mustn't chatter as parrots do;''
You mustn't he pert. and you mustn't be
proud
You mustn't gigi lie of laugh aloud"
You mustn't rumpc your nice clean dr.. ss',
You mustn't nod in place of a yes"
So all dav long the mustn'ts 20
Till dream at night OF an endless row
vi gohlin 'mustn'ts' with ersat big eyes
That stare at me in shocked surprise
Oh, hope shall live 10 see the day
When some one will say to me. Dear. YOU may!'
for 70, I'm sie; Of ''mnstnts," said Dorothy D..
sick of ''mustnts as ! can be
Rochester Post Express
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
Read This !!

WE WILL GIVE ONE YEARS SUB
SCRIPTION TO "THE DELAWA-
REAN" AND ONE YEARS
SUBSCRIPTION TO McCALL'S
FASHION MAGAZINE (including
free pattern to each subscriber), for
$1.3O year. This is an excellent op-
portunity for the ladies.
''........... ................. ..........
ANOTHER EXCELLENT OFFER.
THE DELAWAREAN" and THE
CENTURY MAGAZINE, one year,
for $3.50.
THE DELAWAREAN" and ST.
NICHOLAS, one year, for $3.50
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
Albert s. Bailey,
General Commission Merchant.
Poultry Eggs. Berries &
Potatoes a Specially.
No. 1877 Produce Avenue.
PHILADELPHIA.

Ship us your Produce We guarantee
quick sales, highest market price and
prompt returns Write us for quotation.
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12

hasn't. and how can he tell that pick.
pocketing's a dreadful thing! He
thought it was fun. He'd have taken
it out as quickly if it had been an old
newspaper IN Mr.. SmiIIes 'nenlnu
pocket"
"Why. Aunt Millyi"
Il see now. said Flynn thoughtful
ly. AN that's just the difference be.
tween pony horses an little boys. Boys
Know. Come on. Get three Jumps.
early Let's hurry like anyth.lg."-
Annie Hamilton Donnell in Primary
Education.
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
House Not Home.

Willie. aged ). bounded into the
house one day. eXclaiming as he hung
his hat on the hall rack. This my
home" \ visitor said: "rhe house next
door is just like this. Willie: suppose
you went over there and hung your hat
up in the hall. that would be your
home as much as this. wouldn't it?''
NO. ma'am." said the little fellow.
"Why not?' asked the visitor. Cause
my mother doesn't live there was the
reply
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
Appointing a
TRUSTEE

A man in making his will often
leaves certain sum of money to be
held i'll trust for one or more of his
children, the income to be paid to them
until they reach a certain age when
the principal is to be handed overtok
them. He does this not because he
does not wish them to have it at his
decease and enjoy its benefits, but be-
cause he hesitates placing the respon-
sibility of the investment of his money
on their young shoulders and is anx-
ious to avoid the risk of their being
approached by unreliable persons who
might persuade them to invest their
money in all sorts of schemes result
ing in loss of part of, if not of all
the principal. Then he may leave a
sum of of money to be held in trust for
his wife during her life time, or a por-
ton of his estate for the use of
charitable institution during its ex-
istence. Hence a few OF the many
reasons for the appointment of a
Trustee.
THE EQUITABLE GUARANTEE
AND TRUST COMPANY has practi-
cally perpetual existence and can man.
age any trust however long its term,
it has fixed place of business where
1t can at all times be found and where
books and papers are safely kept and
examined at will. Its Capital, $500, 900,
and Surplus and Profits 100000 are
liable for the faithful execution OF
every trust and no investment of
Trust Funds is made without the ap.
proval of its Executive Committee con.
sisting of nine directors of the COM
pany who are accustomed to Judge of
the value of securities.
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12

The Salisbury municipal election re-
suited in Democratic victory. Charles
r. Disharoon was elected mayor, and
William A. Ennis, Joseph e. Davis and
William F. Bounds were elected coun-
cilmen.
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12
swindIed.

Theatrical Manager-I'm not going
to pay you for my theater.
ctor-W'hy not?
Theatrical Manager = Because you
contracted TO build theater to hold
2.50O people. and it hasn't held 500
people any night since it opened.
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12

Subscribe for "The Delawarean. ."-$1.
Advertising by creating demand, will
make the wages of the laboring classes
The Delawarean., 1900-05-12

RECIPE FOR A HAPPY DAY.

A heart full OF thankfulness,
4 thimbleful OF care,
A soul of simple hopefulness,
An early morning prayer;
A smile to greet the morning with,
A kind word as a key
To open the door and greet the day
Whate'e 'er it bring to thee.
A patient trust in Providence
To sweeten all the way
All these, combined with thoughtfuiness,
Will make happy day.
Exchange.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
Rules Coupon Scheme Out.

The Lancaster postoffice has re-
ceived an order from the postmaster
general at Washington stating that
according to the decision of tle at
torney general of the postotfice de-
partment all coupon schemes are ruled
out of the mails.
The scheme referred to is that of
the chain letter system. A firm sends
out book of coupons to somebody
who is likely to be interested. The
receiver of the book is to send each
coupon to a different person. These
return the coupon which they receive
with a certain sum of money and re-
ceive some article of more or less
value and also a coupon book. They
in turn send out the coupons to their
friends and the chain is continued in
definitely.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
Jewish Holidays.

Tuesday was a Jewish holiday
termed the tenth day of the month of
Tishri, Jewish calender and marked
the feast of Yom Kippur, the great
est of all Jewish feasts, the day of
atonement, when all believers in Ju-
diac doctrine abstain from all eating
and drinking and adjoining of their
persons. from shutdown October 2 to
the rising of the stars on the night of
October 1. One week from Sunday,
Oct. S, is the 18th of the month of
Tishri, when occCrs the feast of Tab
ernacle.
This is commemorative of the time
when the wandering Jews built houses
of boughs and rejoiced at the gather
ing in of the harvest. This was en-
Joined on orthodox Jews, and was
symbolic of the fundamental princi-
pie of Judaism. the equality of men.
and required all, rich and poor, to
live temporarily in houses of print
tive character, made of boughs and
branches, without distinction of rank.
This feast is now observed principal
" by meeting together of families
and friends and generous indulgence
of the good things of he world.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
Farm for Sale.

Eighty acre Farm for Sale
five miles south of Lancaster,
fifty acres under cultivation
the balance pasture and tim
Der we'll watered and fenced
good frame house wood shed
shop, spring house and other
out buildings must be sold
inquire of c.. A. Case or G..
Trelore, Lancaster. 27tf
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
Broken Bric-a-bracs.

Mr.. Major, the famous cement man. OF
New York. explains some very interesting
facts about Majors Cement.
The multitudeS who use this standard ar
1icle know that it is many hundred per cent
better than other cementS for which similar
claims are made, but great many do not
know why. The simple reason is that Mr..
Major uses the best material ever discover
ed and other manufacturers do not use
chem because they are too expensive and
do not allow large profits. Mr. Major tells
Us that one of the elements of his cement
costs 80 IS pound. and another costs 81 IS
a gallon while large share OF the so-called
cements and liquid glue upon the market
are nothing more than a SlXteen-Cent glue.
dissolved in water or Citric acid,and in some
cases altered slightly in color and odor by
rhe addition of cheap and useless materials.
Majors cement retails at fifteen cents and
twenty five cents bottle. and when deal
er tries to sell a substitute you can depend
upon il that that his only OBJECT IS 10 MAKE
. large profit.
The profit on Majors cement is as much
as any dealer ought TO make on any cement
And this is doublv true in view Of the fact
that each dealer G Its his share OF the bene-
1t OF Mr- Ma JOr's advertising. WnlCn now
amounts 10 over 5000 month, throughout
the country. Established in le16.
Insist on having Ma jor :. Don't accept
any ouhand advice from druggist
II you are a. ali handy land YOU Will be
likely TO ind thar YOU are a good deal more
80 than yoO imagine YOU can repair your
rubber boots and family shoes. and anv 9TH
er rUbber and leather articles with Ma iOr' ;
Rubber Cement and Major Leather Gem
ent
Ana vou will be surprised at how uanv
dollars 2 year you viii thus save.
L YOUR drasgist can't supply you il will
be f0rwa- ted By Elal either kind. Free Of
postage.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04

up some other way. the same fsR thief
and robber." He does not see how
Mckinley and St.John can share the
same heaven or how Stevenson and
Swallow can sit down by the same
shining stream. But the fact is, it is
quite possible for even brother Bryan
to go through the Golden Gates of the
New Jerusalem and for Brother
Wooley and Brother Mckinley to walk
hand in hand the highways of Heav-
en-. HERALD-HELPER.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
For Sale.

| offer my farm of 45S! acres. loca-
ted in the town of Waterloo and one
mile west of Burton pos,office, for
sale. Will sell all in one farm or di-
vide it into two. Easy terms and low
price. G. S. JOHNSON,
Burton, Wis.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
mo. 9. 81
JOINT RESOLUTION No. l

Proposing to amend section 10 OF article 8.
of the constitution of Wisconsin, relating to
good roads.
Resolved by the Senate. the Assembly
conCurring That section 10 of article g. Of
the constitution of Wisconsin. be amended
by adding thereunto the following:
The state may. however, appropriate
mo1ev to be raised by taxation and not in
lvw Sc to constitute a public debt, to be
Leo in the construction or improvement
of public highways. such construction or i'm
provemeEt to be made in the manner pro-
vided by law.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
Farm for Sale.

| offer for sale my farm of 100 acres,
situated about four miles southeast OF
Bloomington; about 65 acres under
cultivation, balance in blue grass
pasture, all well watered. Price $50
per acre. Terms: One-halt cash;
balance on time to suit purchaser.
Inquire of
j. NJ. HAYDEN, Beetewn. Wis,
Or MEYER-SHOwALTER BANK,
23tf Lancaster, Wis.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
For Sale.
Residence for Sale.

Located on the corner of Hickory
and Taylor streets in this city is a
very desirable residence, which is
offered for sale. Prospective buyers
should investigate. Call on or address
Mrs. JOHN LINENS,
If Lancaster. Wis.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
DIRECTORS AND OFFICERS.
Money Returned.

Mull's Pioneer Kidney Cure makes
an unequalled guarantee. In each box
is dollar draft to be cashed by patient
should it fail to cure. Are your kid
neys diseased? You need Mulrs Pho
neer Kidney Cure. This fair offer
25c and 81 For sale by J. T. Bennett.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04

and many OF Lerthings bring on Bright's
Disease Foleys Kidney Cure will
prevent Brirht's Disease and all other
kidney or bladder disorders. if taken
in time Hatch Bros. and Bennett :
Pharmacy.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
Farm for Sale.

A fine 160-acre farm for sale, miles from
Lancaster. 1t joins Robert Scott's farm
50 acres in section II and so acres in section
% in Little Grant. Good house and out
buildings, fine steel mill and tanks, IS acres
under cultivation and the rest pasture. Will
be eXchap red for desirable city property
inquired 10 an Mankel, Beetowp, or H. w
Brown. La ncaster.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04

If your children are fretful, peevish
and cross, mother the same, ditto the
boss. it would seem proper to give 'em
all Rocky Mountain Tea. 35c.-Hatch
Bros. and Benefits Pharmacy.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04
WOMAN
IS LIKE a DELICATE
MUSICAL INSTRUMENT

In good condition she 10 sweet and lovable.
and sings life's song on joyful harmonious
string. Out Of order or unstrung, there is
discordancc ard unhappineSs. Just as there
is one key note TO all music so there is one key
note to health. A woman might as well try
TO fly without wings as TO feel we'll and look
we'll while the organs that make her woman
are weak or diseased. She must be healthy
inside or she can't be healthy outside. There
are thousands of women suffering silently all
over the country. Mistaken modesty urges
their silence. While there is nothing more
admirable than modest woman, health is
OF the first importance. Every other con-
sideraton should give way before it. Brad
fields Female Regulator is a medicine FOL
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-10-04

erst Monday in July, 1908. and his successor
shaia pc cnosen at theOtime of the judicial
elecSo6in April 1905 The term Of ONCE
s eiI e; ana manner of electing or appointing
an an. oIher officers of supervision OF public
instruction shall be fixed by law
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1900-04-18
A Story Of Anthony Hope.

When Mir. Anthony Hope Hawkins visited America in 1897 he had to go through much interviewing. On one occasion about twenty reporters gath cred around him in his managers office near Union Square, in New York. The novelist, shy. reticent and almost bash ful, sat at the center table, while the newsmen stood around him, and the spokesman asked him all manner of questions, first of all, of course, how he liked America. As MT. Hawkins had only been i'll America four brief hours, he was unable to express any opinion of value upon the subject. Then came in quick succession inquiries as to oth. CT authors and their relative merits. Probably the question which was the hardest to answer was an important one, propounded by self-authorized interrogator. It was: Mr. Hawkins, what in your opinion is your greatest work?' ''It never has been written, sir was the reply of the Englishman. And then deep silence fell upon the group.-M. A. P.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1900-04-18
 Rare Copper Coins.

There is premium on copper cents from 1793 to 1874, inclusive, and from 1916 to 1857, inclusive, the rarest being 1799, which sometimes brings $25, and 1894, which has sold for s25. Others that have brought S1 or more are 1793. 1795, 1796, 1909 and 1911.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1900-04-18
Remarkable Cure of Rheumat,sm.
KENNA, Jackson O., ". Vi

kENNA. Jackson Co.,, W. Va.
 About three years ago my wife had an attack of rheumatism which confined her to her led for over q month and rendered her unable to walk step without assistance, her limbs being swollen ta double their norfnal size. Mr. x. Maddox insist ed en my using Ghamberlain's Pain Balm. purchased a fifty. cent bot lie and used it at cor5ing tn the di- rections and the next morning she walked to breakfast without assist anee in any mapber. and she has not had similar attack siDce.-A. R. Parsons. For sale bv ". l. De- woody & Ge.. druggists.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1900-04-18
 SOLDIERS' WILLS.
How the English Private Disposes of
 His Belonging.

How the English Private Disposes of
 His Belonging.
 How dues the soldier killed in bat tie or fatally wounded, dispose of his property, providing he has any to leave behind him? The list of casual ties reported regularly from South Af- rica and the Philippines lend perti- nence to the inquiry. Every English soldier has served out to him when he enlists a little volume which contains, among other things, three blank forms of will which he is at liberty to ill out at his leisure. In majority of eases, however, he pays no attention to this poeketbook and goes into bat tle with his will still unmade After he has been hit by bullet and begins to realize that his chances of getting home are small, the soldier begins to think more carefully of the loved ones left behind him and of the provisions he has made for their comfort. As result many queer and pathetic wills have been found upon the bodies of dead soldiers, and in every case the wishes of the testator have been re- spected. During the Soudan campaign of 1884 the body of one soldier was found on the battlefield of Fl Teb, who, before death had serawled with the end of a lead bullet on the inside of his helmet, the words All to my wife" When an English army invad- ed Afghanistan one soldier was caught while doing some scout duty and shot down when one of his comrades were in sight. Weeks afterward his body was found lying before tall rock on which he had written in letters of blood. T want all to go to mother Hn both cases the war department held the wills to be valid, and saw that the proper distribution of the property was made.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1900-04-18
strange Comrades far Men.

Dr. R. Hauthal, an Argentine saVant, aas put forward startling theory con- cerning the remains of gigantic sloths, Related to the great megatherium and lis mylodon, recently found in Pata- gonia In his opinion. these animals, whose race is now extinct, were kept in a, domestieated state by the pre- historic inhabitants of Patagonia A cave at Ultima Esperauza, where many indications of the former presence of the huge sloths have been found, is regarded by Dr. Hauthal as having been used by the ancient Patagonians as stable for the beasts.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1900-04-18
WITH sILvERDoLLAR AND TAck
How Circus Bill Was Made to Hang
 Suspended from a Ceiling.

Suspended from Ceiling.
 Of course we used to put up small bills wherever they'd catch the eye. said bill poster who travelled with circus making one-day stands, and one thing we used to do that always pleased folks was to hang a bill from ceiling. You had to have wooden ceiling, to start with, and then all you wanted, besides the bills, was tack and a silver dollar. It took practice to do it, but when you'd got the knack it was very simple and easy You attached two bills together, one at the foot of the other so that it would hang down when the first one was attached to the ceiling. Then you folded the bills up, with tack thrust point upward through the top of the bill, with sil yer dollar under it, up against the head and between it and the other folds of paper under it. Then, sometime when the room was full of people-this might be a hotel office or perhaps barroom-yo tossed the bills up, and there was weight enough in the dollar 10 drlVe tne JACK iHto tile ceiling Tar enough to hold. Then the weight of the paper itself and of the dollar would open the bills out, and the coin would drop and you catch it as it fell. The bills would be seen, fastened up there somehow, most of the people wouldn't know how, and opening out with the lower bill hanging so you could read it. This was not the greatest thing in bill posting ever was. but, as I said before, it always pleased folks
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1900-04-18
1a = e--- +- ----==--s --- - Q
 ManyLit Saved.

In almost every neighborhood there is some one whose life has been saved by Cnamberlain; Golie Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy, or who has been cured of chronic diar- rheea by the use of that medicine. Such persons make point of tel!iug of it whenever opportunity offers, honipg that il may he the means of saving other lives. For sale by ". L. Dewoody X c.. druggists.