The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-10-31

S., paid zee half crown for putting
Up those bans. Shall | have to pay an
other half crown?' Naturally. If you
change your mind so late in the day you
long pause. Then, with sudden resolu-
ton, Jaw, well-leave Ell be as tis"'
Unsatisfactory from the Start-'Well,
what about the new neighbors? "Oh.
Edgar, it was the meanest moving in I
ever saw. Everything was boxed and
barreled up so l couldn't see thing they
have. Detroit Free Press.
Standing on the banks of the Potomac.
Lord Colerdige one day asked William
M. Evarts: is it true that Washington
threw a silver dollar across the Poto-
Evarts, thoughtfully, for dollar in
those days, my lord, went farther than it
does now. But, indeed, Washington did
better than that-he threw a sovereign
across the Atlantic!'
Tenant-'I think, sir, something
onght to be done to my cellar. It's con
stantly full Of water"
Landlord-.At SO rent would you ex
pect it to be full Of champagne:'-
Heitere Welt.
The blood in the body is taken by
means Of tubs to the heart and there de-
tanned.
A volcano is a burning mountain that
has a creator and throws out melted
rocks.
came sore and conquered
His brain was seetnlng with grand
ideas in ali directions.
II the earth did not revolt we should
always have equal nights and days
Stored IN some trouSer-hOuse Of mighty
kings.
The lungs are organs Of execration
The priest Of INDIAN reproved his
daughters for not inviting Moses to come
to tea.
When Moses mother hid him in the
ark among the bulwarks she did not for
get to give the BABY it's bottle.
Pig iron is what they made the nose
rings for pigs of.
\ watershed is a shed for keeping wa
ter in.-Collected for Longman's Maga-
zine.
Wife-"How would you like it if l
spent nearly every evening in the week
at meeting of some secret society?'
Husband-"It couldn't be secret socie-
ty, Elsa, if you belonged to it."-Carica-
turen.
q benefit to John Brougham. the actor
and dramatist, one of the audience threw
upon the stage a purse of gold. Brough-
am picked it up, and, after examining it,
said Ladies and gentlemen, circum-
stances compel me to pocket the insult;
but" docking GRIM Il should like to see
the man who would dare to repeat it,"
Lady Assistant (behind counter. to cab
mo Dni, Of
Yes miss" Lady Assistant-"What
is your number?' Cabman-"Fifteen
hundred and ninety-three, miss. Tit
Bits.
Going up the Mohawk valley on a Cen
tral Hudson train the other day were
two men attached to each other by hand
cuffs. They rode in silence for some
time, neither appearing to notice that he
had seat mate. Final: enc turned TO
ing?' Utica was the reply.
Asylum"
''Ye-ep."
'CraZy?'
Yep religion"
There was silence for some time after
that. Then the one who had answered
the questions in the first instance turned
inquisitor. You going to Utica:"
Yes"
Crazy, too?"
Yes"
What's the matter with you?
imperialism.
"Oh, you amt crazy. You're a damn
fool Albany Evening Journal.
Barber-"Shall l take a little of the
ends Of your hair off, sir?" Customer
Yes; think you had better take it off
at the ends, unless you can get it out Of
the middle. Glasgow Evening Times.
The Squire (sympathetically) I'm
very sorry to hear that your husband is
you must try and be cheerful, as you
know it will be all for the best
Mrs HodgA"Ah. yes, indeed, sir;
it'll be a blessing when he's gone. I'll
be able to live in comfort then, as l AYE
i'm in four different clubs. Judy.
A wag seeing door nearly off it's
hinges, in which condition it had been
for some time, observed that when it
had fallen and killed someone it would
probably be hung.
Sir Henry Howorth, a British NJ. P,
is a writer Of note in his own country
and a great student. His History of |
M0ngolS' took many years of steady and |
arduOus inquiry. And thereby hangs
tale which, it is said, he has often told |
against himself.
One evening when taking in to dinner
a lady who had been lightly prmed as
TO his great subject, there was a strange
conversation. Il understand, Sir Henry,
that you are fond of dogs; so am II
Dogs, madam? | really must plead |
guiltless; ! know nothing at all of them.''
Indeed, And they told me you had |
written famous history Of Mongrels."
Askit-"Is Loafer a lazy man?'' Tell!t |
Lazy? Why, he has killed so much
time he is ashamed to look clock in the
face. baltimore American.
--:O:-
Boss-"Pat, have you a watch?'
Eat" Nlver a wan, sor, and phwat
would | do wild it?''
BOSWELL, I want you to report at
the office at half-past IL But, anyway.
the bells ring at noon, and you can COME
half an hour before. "-Fliegende Blaet-
ter.