Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-05-08
Just then the clock sounded one, two

Just then the clock sounded one, tive,
three.
The wife looked at him with grim re
buke. He caught her eye and jerked out
this reply:
We'll. now, if you want to believe that
darned dollar-and- a-half clock before
your dear husband it's all right"
1t was Il similar occasion, only moro
so. At this time he was little drunken
than usual. His step was unsteady, but
She met him at the front, weeping re-
proachfully.
oh, John" she pleaded, what makes
you do this way"
You are--hic-so awfully pretty
hic-, he said, making an extravagant
to see you double
And she put him tenderly to bed,
bathed his forehead the next morning
and forgot about the scolding she had
fully determined to administer to him.
Missouri Excelsior
ct almost kills me to stand'' moaned
the lady in the street car. IF ] don't
get seat pretty soon | shall just drop
and it was only the next day that she
stood up two hours and a half while
she had a dress fitted. But then that's
a different thing.-BoSton Transcript
reporter to the manager of railway
rosed for the unpunctuaity Of its trains,
That there was an accident on your rail
way last night
On, Go you?' was the sarcastic reply.
Yes, sir
DO YOU know anything about it?
Only that it happened TO the train
which was due here at SD"
That train came in to the minute,
sir said the manager. firmly.
Are YOU sure of that?'
"Of course | am"
Thanks. That must have been the
cdent referred to- and the reporter
lodged out Standardization Endeavcr
Word.
Bingo-''I think, after all, / shall go TO
Europe with my family"
Twlckenham-'W Why, 1 thought you
couldn't afford it?"
We'll, it's cheaper for me to go with
them than to let them go alone-'-The
Smart Set.
Several years after the close OF the
Civil war a reception was held in Lynch
burg. Va. to commemorate some national
event. says Y. Halsey in Lippincott's
Magazine. Many men were there assem-
bled who had fought in the war. Among
them was Il major of Massachusetts
regiment. who, meeting Gen. Jubal Early
of the Confederate army, cordially greet
ed HIM Pointing to his own decorations
the major said: 'Ah. general. You see
we have all the crosses now" Yes,
replied the old general; lin olden times
they hung thieves on crosses; now they
hang crosses on thieves.
Hewson-''Youn Mr.. Duley was in to-
day TO ask for our daughters hand in
marriage
Mrs. Hewson-"What did you say?"
Hewson-"I told him you were in
charge OF the finances Of the family. -
Philadelphia North American.
All walled the stage heroine, as the
calcium light man Illuminated her an
guished countenance. ''Ah! This fierce
pain III my heart! This sudden gloom,
This
Excuse me madam" said the profes-
siOnal-lOoking gentleman who arose in the
stage box but if you see floating specks
before your eyes and do not breathe free
", YOU should try my famous Elixir Of
Health. 1t will
But the ushers had dropped him on the
sidewalk and the audience did not catch
the rest Of his remarks Baltimore
American.
"Will someone please chase the COW
down this way?' said the funny boarder
who wanted some milk for his oatmeal
Here, Jane" said the landlady in
tone that was meant to be crushing
take the COW down there where the calf
is bawlng. Chicago News.
-:o:--
Respectfully submitted rs a sample for
the use of the fellows who write the
songs for the coming campaign:
He sunk those ships at fearful rate
Just off Manila landing,
And now the gallant ship of state
de soon Will be commanding.
Mark and his Mack Will have to tramp,
Well knock Billy Bryan silly,
Ard in the White House we will camp
George Dewey and his Millie.
Denver Post.
you look robust" remarked the lady
Of the house. Are you equal to the
task OF saving wood?''
Equal isn't the word, madam" re-
piled the pilgrim, as he resumed his jour
ney, I'm superior to Philadelphia
Record.
A young gentleman took his little Sis
ter with him while calling the other
evening at d house where he is q regular
visitor. The little girl made herself quite
at home, and showed great fondness for
one of the Young ladies. hugging her
heartily. How very affectiOnate she
ISL sad the lady of the house. Yes; so
like her brother" responded the young
Ill. Al L., I ~