The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-09-02

'I think marrid men gets on tn best
FIR they have home an family to lave
In TIL mornin' an a home an family to
go back to at night; that makes thin
wurruk Some mems domestic throubles
dhrives thin to dhrink, others to labor.
Ye r-read about a man becomin mill
yonaire an We think he done it be his
own eXertions whln tbs much again, lit
tie twas TIL fear iv comm home Imply
handed an dislike iv stayin' ar-round tn
house all day that made him rich. Mis-
ther Standard lie takes in millyens in a
year, but he might be playin' dominoes
in an injine house If 1t wasn't FIR Mrs.
Stanard Ile tbs tn thought Nv that
dear, quite lady at home, in her white
cap, with her cam motherly face wait
In patiently FIR him with a bell punch
that injooces him to put shtick iv
dinnymite in somebody else's lie well
an bury his securities whin tn ASSESSOR
comes ar-round. Near ivry mans prop
erty ought to be in wife's name an most
iv 1t is.
But with bachelor tbs different Ye
an I ARE settin' here together an
Clancy dhrops in. Clancy's wife's away
an he's out FIR a good time an he comes
to me FIR it. bachelors FIR tn enjy-
mint iv his marrid friends vacations.
Whin Clancys wifes at home an [ go
to see him he r-runs tn pail out In
valise, an we take our criminal dhrnk in
tn woodshed. Well, tn three Nv US sits
here an pass tn dhrink an sing our
songs iv glee till about iliVen o'clock,
then We begin to look over ye'er shou,dher
ivry time We hear womans voice an,
f1n'lly We get up an yawn an drink
ivrything on tn table an gallop home.
Clancy an raysume our argymint on tn
Chinese situation an afterwards we carol
together me singin' tn chune an him
dom a razor edge tinor Thin he tells
me how much he cares FIR me an pro-
poses to rassle me an weeps to think
how bad he threats his wife an begs mo
niver to marry, f'r a bachelors life's tn
ony wan, an tbs past o'clock Whin 1
hook him on frindly polisman an sind
him thrippin'-th' polisman-down tn
sthreet. All Fright SO far. But in tn
mornin' another story. If Clancy gets
home an finds his wife's rayturned fr nj
tn seaside or tn stock yards, or where
liver It's she's spint her vacation, they'se
no r-rest FIR him in tn mornin'. His head
may sound in his ears like automobill
an tn look iv an egg may make his
knees thremble, but he's got to be- off to
tn blacksmith shop, an hivin help his
helper that mornin. So Clancy's gettin'
r-r:ch an putin a coopoly on his house,
"But with me It's diff'rent Whin
Phibbius Apollo, as Hogan calls tn sun.
raises his head above tn gas house, II
cuddled up in me couch an Morpus,
Gawd " sleep, has a sthrangle holt on
me- TIL alarm clock begins to go off
an aftherward 1 have a CLEAN Nv human
intelligence an hook me watch out fr m
undher tn pillow. It's eight o'clock
says I. But is 1t eight in tn mornin' or
eight in tn evening" says I. Faith, l
dinnow, an divvle a bit care I. Eight s
only q number says I. Tt riprisints
nawthin'' says l. "They'se hours enough
in tn day FIR free man. I'll turin
over an sleep till eight-wan an thin I'll
wake up refrished,' I says. IT'S iliven
o'clock whin me tired lids part FIR good,
an Casey has been here to pay me eight
dollars an findin' me not up has gone
away FIR another year
"a marrid man gifts tn money, Hinnis-
sy but bachelor man gets tn sleep.
Whin all me marrid frinds is off to
wurruk poundin tn ongrateful sand an
wheelin' tn rebellyous Stag, in tn heat
iv tn afternoon, We can see ye'er onfor-
chinit bachelor frind perambulatin' up
an down tn shady side iv tn sthreet,
with an umbrelly over his head and a
wurrud of cheer firm young an old to
enliven his loneliness"
But tn childher?" asked Mr.. Hennessy
slyly.
"Childher!' said Mr. Dooley. Sure I
have tn finest family in tn city. Without
scandal, I'm tn father of ivry child in
Ar-rchey r-road firm end to end
can none iv ye'er own said Mr.. Hen
messy
1T wish to hell, Hinnissy," said Mr..
Dooley, savagely. "Ye'd not lean against
that mirror, 1 don't want to have to tell
ye again