Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1900-10-10
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

Young Lady Patient Doctor, what
do you do when you burn your mouth
with hot coffee"
Doctor" Swearr'-Picll-M e-Up.
is it not lovely. when husband and
wife are always of the same opinion ~
Certainly; only it makes such great
difference whose opinion it is."-Brook-
lyn Life.
Delicate Irony-"Gracious, little boy,
You're not going to kill the dear little
birds, are yOu|' No, dear lady; I'm
merely goin TO fire off several salutes in
der honor OATS all. Harpers Bazaar.
Willie, you mustn't quarrel
that way with Amy; and today of all
days Don't YOU know this is Sunday"
Willie-"Yes, but, mamma, this is re-
llgiCus discussion were having. '-Phila
delphia Press.
Answered-"To decide a bet" said the
visitor, how do you pronounce this new
game that the swel,s play with those fun
ny sticks|' Pronounce it?' exclaimed
the gruff, old sporting editor, Il pronounce
it dash-dinged nuisance
II can't understand, major, why you
don't marry" Quite simple; it's he
cause | can't get the one want"
That's no reason. Take girl who
can't get the one she wants and then
matters become equalized "-FHegende
Baetter.
He-"Do Won really think her heart
was broken when he Tilted her, as she
50 loudly proclaimed? | noticed she mar
ried in less than a wear"
! She--"True enough. But look whom
she married-a glue manufacturer IN
dianapo,is Press
My son, before you study history, you
/ must understand the philosophy of it,"
How is that attainedF'
/ by practice You must learn to dis
| eliminate between lies of doubtful orr
! gin. and those which everybody has
| agreed to accept. Life.
! 1t is said that Mr.. Evarts was once
| going up in the elevator at the state de
/ isterships and consulships. We'll, said
/ he To a friend, this is the largest collec-
/ ton for foreign missions that has been
/ taken up for long time"
Hoax-"Why is the merchant who
/ doesn't advertise like man in row
I boat
Joax-... Because he goes backward, I
Hoax-''No; because he has to get along
This is my son Frederick. Mr.. Eos
dick" said Mr.. Chambers. proudly, intro
ducing his 5-year-old boy to his caller.
We'll, Frederick" said the caller do
You mind your mamma
Yes. sir, replied Frederick. promptly,
{
First Theatrical Manager-"I thought
you were going to put on The Winter =
Tale and now you are billing 'Midsum-
/ mer Nights Dream.
Second Manager didn't like
/ the name of the other piece. II sounded
too much like a frost. '-Philadelphia
| Record.
Yes. the bride was given away by her
! eldest brother"
why not her father
We'll. the old mans extremely con
scientious. He said he couldn't act a lie
/ like that. because he knew he'd have 10
keep her and her husband. "-PhiIadei-
( phia Press.
In the clock and watch department Of
/ the Paris exposition an expert called the
attention Of the Shah Of Persia to a
majesty to buy. This little clock" said
he. fires pistol every hour" TO Kill
time. ! suppose" said the witty ruler, rs
he walked away.
i mother was showing her dear lite
Joe a picture Of the martyrs thrown 'u
the lions, and was talking very soeunly
10 him. trying to make him feel what u
terrible thing it was Ma" he said
suddenly, oh. ma. just look at that little
lion right behind there: he wont get
any. Cincinnati Enquirer
We'll, to tell the truth" replied Satan,
with forced laugh, the b0ttomless PIT
is a fiction
The shade Of the rolfst filled rs 10 its
eyes with tears. How quite proyok-
ing" il exclaimed. ~ bo'tomless pii
would make such q lovely natural haz
arl. don't you know Modern Society
My eyes are no longer like stars t.
you. / SUPPOSE she exclaimed during d
heated conversation with her presumed
lord and master.
We'll. suppose you 70 away about q
hundred million miles. and I'll take a
look at them and decide" suggested the