The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1900-05-18
A Letter from Zeke-some History.

A Letter from Zeke-Some History.
FROG HoLLER: April 81, 19OO-Locl
Box s9,s7l.
EDITOR Owosso TIMES: Dear SIR:
take my pencil in hand to let you know
that we are all as we'll as could be ex,
pected with the measley whooping cough
and mollerachorbus in our family, and
l hope this may reach you the same.
l was out last month but have now
slid back into the old party again after
whooping for Organism until got SO
hoarse that l am now obliged to talk
through my nose mot nostrils) and this
gives my otherwise gentle voice such a
nasal twang that even old farmers fail
to recognize me on the streets, and on
this account escaped our tax collector
who took me for an elocutionist from
Chicago, travelling for his health
and side line of rubber larynx, for
which am thankful.
l have one roll of cent wall paper
covered on the back with unsolicited
testimonials, written by myself in
glowing terms and poke berry juice of
the heartfelt gratitude have for you in
printing my last article as you did; the
aforesaid would make splendid SOU
venir for you and the office cat to re.
member me by when / get to be Presi-
dent, if it were properly framed in
2x4s, 12 feet long, cut on the bias with
the lowered side out. p. S.. Please
let me know whether l shall ship it to
you by freight, G. o. d., or by mail,
you to pay express charges.
For eighteen hundred years the Unit
ed States sat lettering on the fence with
the hired girl between torrid winters
and frigid summers, until the time ar
rove which had arrived when Father
Time, true to the instincts of his party
(which was democratic) and, to the
lineal descendants on his mothers side
of the house, buckled on his armor,
babe his young bride of 1900 years
adieu and said as he closed the storm
door, America must be discovered,
Gentle Annie" this was his wife's
name, hence the phrase) so he jumped
straddle of the moon which was coming
up over the coal shed, and this was
about the last ever heard or seen of
him. Historians say that he was wont
to pick his teeth with slivers from near
by stars, the while he was meditating
long mediate / cannot swear to this
if have at some other things, and the
reader must draw his own conclusions
as to the veracity. At any rate, being
perched above things worldly with
what chagrin he must have watched
Columbus Ia progressionist of the old
schoolj discovering the land he had so
fondly hoped to have staked out for
himself and family, and he must have
also noticed Honest George, when he
slashed the cherry tree with his tin
tomahawk, and, in after years, as when
a grown up man, the walloping he gave
a Mr.. G.. Britain for interfering with
his plans in wooing, and winning a
certain Miss Liberty of which we are a
proud descendant. N B.: This is a
copyrighted fact, and is jotted down in
Uncle Sans diary with the rest of his
recipes for making mince meat of
nations tinkering with his private buzz
saw. But some people having a de-
ficiency of the gray matter in their
upper stories are silly enough to be-
lieve the twaddle advertised by Free
Silver, Imperialism, q Co., and don't
believe in the liberty story any more
than l do in eating Limburger cheese.
The aforesaid Co. under various
aliases have been trying to do business
on the bulge ever since Jefferson's time
in 1904, but since the gentleman's death
the key to the combination of his safe
has been lost on several occasions, and
when last seen in '96 was in q very rusty
and Anticipated condition Several of
their circulars have drifted into my
office this spring, and, being of long
primer type and pasty nature l have
had no trouble whatever in adjusting
them to the cracks in my sanctum CELL
ing. Once in while, however, on
festive occasions. such as funerals. etc.,
these songs are sung, and when | wish
TO be real sad and cry, and weep weep
from either eye, l fish out one of the
aforesaid with the stove hook, reverse
the waste basket for seat and proceed
to howl according to directions. II is
gratifying to some extent but takes
time that should otherwise be employed
tending my wife's children.
Please write soon and all the news as
I have got to peel some onions for
dinner.
p. S.-Also tell the boys the above
Co. is snide, as it is offering to dis
count its paper 100 cents on the 500.
Yours most endearingly,