Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-11
GOOD NAIURED COMMENT
ON PEOPLE AND AFFAIRS,
MARS TWAIN DISCUSSES POLITICS
AND POLITICIANS Al A BAN
DUET IN HIS HONOR.
TOM REED AND COL. ROOSEVELT
THE TARGETS FOR SHAFTS OF
HAPPY WIT-MckINLEY AND
DEPEW TOUCHED UP.

NEW YORK, Nov. 10.-Mark Twain
was the guest of honor at a dinner
tonight given at the Lotus club.
There were W hundred persons pres
emit. President Frank r. Lawrence
was the presiding officer.
The dinner was held in the drawing
room and cafe, made into me DON for
the OCCASION. 1t was hardly sufficient
in capacity.
The guest of the evening gave Pres
ident Frank R. Lawrence just a little
bit of worry by not appearing until
some minutes after 8 o'clock, and then
only after he had been called up by
telephone. Mr.. Clemens explained
that the dinner had quite slipped his
memory, and he made many apollo
gies. President Lawrence intro
duced Mr.. Clemens, VINO said:
Il. thank you all for this fraternal
welcome; 1t, is really too fine, too mag
unanimous for a poor Missourian far
away from his native haunts. Andlmy
modesty is fortified as | see at this fes-
tive board other great men from Mis-
souri,; there is st. Clair McKelway and
that greatest of all Missourians, Tom
Reed.
Tom Reed has now deserted politics
and is leading a cfeditable life. He has
reformed and may God prosper him.
He has found a new business bet
ter suited to his constitution; he is
now going round raising the average
of beauty. l am grateful for the kind
words the president has said to me.
Whether deserved or not is not for me
to Say, but prefer to accept them just
as they stand.
"Since | left this country We have
fought a righteous war. A righteous
war is so rare in history as to be prac-
tically unknown. We have set Cuba
free and given her a place among the
two or three real nations that exist.
We started to free the Philippines but
it seems that that righteous purpose
miscarried somehow. | am glad, how
ever, we made a creditable record IN
China through the soundheadedness OF
our administration. What yellow peril
is threatening the world to-day We
do not know, out we can say this gov
eminent has done nothing to evoke 1t.
I'VE have done u best to nurse
free silver. We have watched by its
cradle and done u best to raise that
child. But these spestiferous Republic
cans have been trying to give it the
measles and | am afraid we will never
be able to raise it now. We have had a
President whom we have criticised up
and down and found fault with for
four years, and now we have reelected
him again and with votes enough to
spare to elect another.
"And Roosevelt, the illustrious rough
rider, we have made Viye President;
not to honor him, but to confer dis
tinction upon the office, and it is
needed, too. | am not used to bestow
such fulsome praise and am probably
overriding it a little; but l know him,
and if you give him rope-I mean,
we'll, let it stand-he will probably JUS
tify my compliments.
His place as governor, we have given
to Odell, another rough rider. All fat
things seem to go to that profession. |
could have been a rough rider myself if
| had known this political KIondike was
TO open up. I could have gone to war in
an automobile. But not on horse, gentle
men, / know horses too well for that
No horse for me, either in war or peace.
There is no time when we can get on we'll
together in the same place. A horse is so
given to new tangled ideas. l do not like
horses. / am glad that it is not compul-
sorry TO keep a horse.
And there is Senator Depew. That man
has said many true things about me.
Look at that gilded mummy. He has made
my life a sorrow both on this and the
other side of the ocean, at many a ban
quet. l always said something would hap
pen to him and now he has gotten 1t; they
have made him a Senator. And all this
while l have been away. That shows how
much a poor mugwump is missed in this
cold, unfeeling world.
II come back from my exile young again
ready to begin life anew. Your welcome
puts the finishing QUO to my renewed
youth. and makes it something more than
a dream that will vanish with the morn
ing.