The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1900-04-01
SENATOR PETTUS'
HUM0R0USSPEECH.
Senators and Gallery Occupants Con-
yulsed With Laughter.
ooDG NAIuRED THROUGHOUT.
Nobody Expected so Much Fun From
the Pondcrous, Serious. Owl-Like
Senator From Alabama-Great
Peals of Laughter.
ooDG NATURED THROUGHOUT.

WASHINGTON, March 31.-Thc Post
prints the following:
There is new humorist in the Senate.
For nearly twenty minutes yesterday the
venerable Pettus, Of Alabama, convused
his fellow-senators and the crowds in the
galleries with his satire and wit. Great
pealS Of laughter broke forth spontane-
ously with every sentence, and the mer-
riment was unrcstrained. And all because
Mr.. Pettus nayed with his ridicue and
plloried with his keen, good-natured
humor the oratorical prctensiOns of Sen
ator Beveridge, of Indiana.
Nobody expected SO much fun from
the ponderous, serious and owl-like Pet
tus He is the very personfication of
ancient wisdom, and is known among his
colleagues is ConfuciuS. When he speaks
he ways his head, and crates solemnly,
as much as to say that when he opens
his mouth he is Sir Oracle, and no dog
shall bark One could rs easily ina CINE
an elephant gamboins as to think Of. the
digni1icd Judge Pettus, now in his eight
ieth year, INDUCING in levity. Indeed.
when he began yesterday afternoon he
devoted ten minutes or more 10 solemn
constitutional argument. Then. all of a
sudden, something must have tickled his
funny-bone, for he began to throw darts
at Senator Gallinger. HE informed us
that he was not a lawyer" said Pettus,
land he proved it; not only by his asser-
ton, but his remarks"
A STORY AT GALLINGER'S EXPENSE.
Even Senator Gallinger Joined in tho
laugh which this unexpected sally caus !,
and the merriment spurred Mr. Pettus to
tell q story. He wanted to show that
many of the senator's who sravely dis
cusscd constitutional law did not know
what they were talking about. and he
pointed his moral with an Alabama incl
dent. He said he once went to a preach
ing in the mountains, where the min
lister was as learned in the Bible as my
friend from New Hampshire is 81. the
law" The text chosen was Seven sons
did Micah bear unto Enon." The
preacher explained the text by saying
that Enon was sick and needed nutri-
ment, whereupon the doctor told his seven
sons to get him some milk. The cows
did not come up the night before,
drawled Pettus, initiating the sing-sonS
tones of the mountain preacher. land so
the seven sons could not find them Bue
they came across a she-bear. and MIXED
her, and carried the milk to Enon. And
so, brethren, it is written, seven sons
did milk a bear unto Enon.'
1t was quaint story, told in quainter
taShlOn. ana tIle Send LOTS lduSNet- d.
preacher had as accurate a conception Of
the Scriptures as some Of you senator's
have about the law of the land" added
Pettus trllmphantly, and then everybody
laughed again.
HAD MUCH FUN WITH -BEVERIDGE.
1t seemed to dawn upon Pettus that
he was making a hit. 1t was new
experience for him, and he enjoyed It as
much as the senators, who had clustered
around him. He wagged his head, aAd
shook his chin-whiskers. and chuo.led
to himself in a sleeful happiness thaA
was as amusing as his words. He looked
around for more worlds to conquer. The
memory of Beveridge standing in the
Senate chamber and uttering words and
words with rhetorical fluency came into
his mind He lowered his lance against
Beveridgc and then for several minutes
there was more fun in the Senate than
has been seen for many a day. I'VE mad
wonderful declaration from our great
orator neutrality-suspicious., he repeated
while everybody commenced to smile.
ut was marvellous in all its parts. 1t was
50 marvellous that I dare say that such
a thing has never been heard be1ore IN
the Senate"
Mr. Pettus paused a moment to see
whether the Senate was in sympathy
with him. There was no doubt of 1t.
Thus encouraged, he buttOned up his long
froc!a coat wiggled his chin-w hiskers,
and went at Beverage again. Now.
when you get a genuine orator"-N1r Pet
tus put an irresistibly funny emphasis
on the word "senuine"-"he is absolutely
absolved from all rules of logic and COM
Nonsense. Iaughter.) When it is nee
essary, in the fervor Of oratorical flour
ishes, to prove any proposition true or
false. rules of common-sensc must not
stand in the way of maintaining my
reputa ton as an orator. Tt will not 90.
If it is necessary. must draw on my
| imagination for facts. and on my mem