Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1900-10-03

Undertaker-"BusyY" Second Under.
taker-"Rushed to death."-Judge.
Were you on the firing-line during
the war;" Yes; was one Of the
cooks.'-Yonkers Statesman.
She-"Do you believe the bowling Of
a dog is always followed by death p
He-"NO; not always. Sometimes the
man who shoots at the dog is poor
marksman." News.
Ned-"I ran across a very pretty girl
this morning" Ted-"Did she dirt
with your Ned-"No; after che re-
gained consciousness she had me ar
rested for orching."-Exchange.
Fortune teller-"Your future hus-
band will be tall. have dark complex
ion, and be very wealthy" The Caller
Now. tell me another thing; how
can 1 get rid Of my present husband p
-Tit-Bits.
Chappie-"Averted tewibble twagedy
just now" Chollie-"No! How?'
Chappie-"Man said he would pound
me to mince- meat II 1 did not give him
half a crown. and l gave him half q
crown."-Tit-Bits
What's the matter. old manT' "Oh.
I've just had a quarrel with my wife. /"
well. forget and forgive" II never
can forgive her: you see. was in the
wrong" Then. in that case. demand
an apology."-Harlem Life.
The Mistress don't think
1t looks well for you to entertain COM
pany in the kitchen the way you do. !"
The Cook-"Thanks, mum, but
wouldn't want t take I'm int tn
parlr; he spits t'baccy."-Philadelph
Bulletin.
"She Is Americas greatest actress" !"
said Mrs. Tenspot, speaking Of q
tragedienne whose name came up in
conversation. Indeed! Who says
so?" asked Mr.. Tenspot. "The man
who makes the pills that cured her Of
lndigestion."-Puck.
''Whatl butter and jam! Why, Ethel,
my child. we'd soon be in the work
house at that rater' THE workhousel
Why. mother. Uncle Bob says butter
and jams economy" Economy!
HowT "Oh, the same piece Of bread
does for both."-Boston Traveller.
Hardacre-"Zeke answered an ad-
vertisement whar they said they'd
send him a church organ for a dollar" !"
Crawfoot-"What did he get?' Hard
acre-"A sample copy Of the New
Light marked: This Is the best church
organ published. d.'-Chicago News.
Hicks-"Rarry made bet that every
person who came by his fence would
touch 1t. and he Won" Wicks-"Non-
sense! How did it hnppenY Hicks
He merely stuck up the sign Paint
and Of course everybody considered
himself called upon to feel Of the
fence."-BOston Transcript.
Remember one thing l am about to
tell you." said the successful man to
the ambitious young man. 1T is q
rule that is well worth remembering"
what Is 1t. sirY' Never do anything
that your conscience will reproach you
for. Hire somebody else to do it,
Melbourne Weekly Times.
He (as they are seated in q quiet nook
near the links)-"Are you quite sure
we never met before this seasonY
She-"Yes; quite positive" He-"And
you haven't a sisterT She-"No: why
do you ask?" He-"well, I'm positive
1 hugged that shirt-waist before. some
where" Statesman.
Father-"Well, my son, what do You
intend to do for living now that you
have finished your college courseT
Son-"I think shall take up literature
as a profession" Father-"You should
have thought Of that before you en-
tered college. Then should have sent
you to West Point or Annapolis."-New
York Evening Journal.
Bridget (reading laboriously)-"Hev
you seen this. Pat? 1t SEE here that
whin a mon loses wan av bis sinses, his
other sinses get more develyuped. Yr
instans. a blind mon gets more sinse
av hearin'. an touch. an" Pat
"Shure. an it's quite thrue: Owe no
t'ced It meself. Whin q mon has wan
leg shorter than the other. begorra. the
other legs longer. isn't It, nowT'-Ex-
change.
A cyclist who stopped at a village inn
boasted about his abilities as a rider
to such an extent that the landlord ven-
tured to make q wager with him.
Look here, minister" said the Inn
keeper. you can't ride up and down
this road till the church clock strikes
four" "Donev' said the cyclist. ITS
just three-hfteen now" and the next
minute he was speeding down the road.
After about an hours riding the cyclist
shouted to one of the bystanders, Of
whom many had assembled: II say,
has the church clock struck four YETI"
mo, you idiot" was the blunt reply.
"Why, our church clock never shikss
n ailfs1citDfta