New-York tribune., 1900-01-20
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

A tramp is quoted thus In The chicago views
eyes gift into county jails occasionally put tle
trouble is they don't keen us long enough JAN is
a homelike place. with plenty 10 eat. no WORK ana
good treatment We are generally sentenced for
three months but after about four weeks the
Sheriff picks three four of us and says
Now. boys. them iron bars on that winder IS loose
and It's going to be dark night HeV some afnoi-
tion about you An old tramp knows what that
means and he is ten miles away before daylight
A tenderfoot fggers TO stay on. and next morning
the Sheriff comes In and finds him there. and says;
What haint you got no ambition? Then III give
you some! and he boots him out into the yard and
sets him to promenadln around with log fastened
to his leg"
that at I'll o'clock on New Years Eve midnight
service would be held to welc9me II Inc bssrd de 10
whisper. "Longish serviceF'-Q-ondon Globe
'It was in the English class" says THE Louis
VILE Courier-Journal" "and new teacher had just
been employed She from the North, and
called all the pupils Miss at which they mar
yelled greatly. On the first day the teacher told
her class that she would give regular lesson,
but each girl should write down all the slang she
knew and bring that to the next days recitation
That a 'cinch.' Several girls who possessed
brothers and the rest who possessed other girls
brothers set them to work. The result was mar
vellous When the class called next day there
was not girl who could not show two closely
written pages of slang expressions. The teacher
looked Very good she said Now translate them
into readable English. They haven't fooled with
her since"
'T have been married for fifteen years and my
wife never falls to meet me at the door
''WonderfuIr'
my feet"-(Chcago Ttmes-Herald.
'"The Waterbury American quotes this passage
from a chiId's composition seals: "It IS very
cruel to kill seals just because we want to wear
their skins ourselves but II Is rather fortunate for
go-1
good purposes"
dismiss Clever gardener who used to puroin his
fruit and vegetables For the sake OF his wife and
he hHS Worded sh!e IT, a f hereby certify that A. has
been my gardener for over two years and t5aI that
than any man I ever mployed."-(shOrt Stories
The Chillicothe Cio) streetcar drivers are very
accommodating. When a housewife anywhere along
the line wants groceries she halls a car,
gives her order to the driver. and on his return
he delivers the goods. One rainy night recently
driver had call to take woman to the theatre.
She lived three blocks from the line. The gallant
fellow got umbrella, walked to the woman's
house. escorted her to the car and then started
downtown.
Prospective Bride-I know It's foolish fool H. doctor Ssaa:
let me see the form of service you Intend 10 use
The Rev Dr. Fourthly-It will not be necessary,
my dear young woman | never en- use tns 1,,1o wOIa
A Methodist minister is thus quoted in "The
Philadelphia Record' THE most charitable class
Of people I know those who deal in liquor
OF course. never ask them for money Dear me!
They come and offer 1t. 1 wish my deacons and
shepherds Of the fold were like that. The yearly
Conference once met at my church. and brewer
supplied the delegates with cigars-it was no small
Job, tell you for ministers will hit box or
free cigars pretty hard and frequent taps total
abstinence advocate found out the source OF all
our smoking and made a terrible speech in open
meeting about money stolen from the drunkard's
starving babes and forth Well. after that
Stunned the brewer IL owed him money one
day he cornered me. though, and I waited for his
reproaches. He said: I've been looking for you
for some time Here's a check want you to take
and do whatever good with it you can Then ne
got very red, and said in embarrassed voice;
You needn't be afraid about where the money
came from It's interest electric light stock,
and 1 bought the stock when was In the grocery
business
The mantle of Sir Boyle Roche has descended
achieved a bull which rivals the famous SIT /
smell a rat; see 1t in the air; but VIII NIP II II
the bud . A passage from the "Liberte prompted1
NJ De Blowitz to this surprising piece OF natura4i
history: Il quote this because the 1-loeIte
Is one of those amphibous journals that, Waluns
to see which way the wind blows sometimes uh-
expectedIy turn the scale'-CLOndon Chronicle