davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
hey TOOK CHANCES.
ALL WE'RE WILLING TO RISK THE CIR
Gus POSTERS AGAIN.

Pap Perkins, the Jericho Postmas-
ter, Tells the Arguments That
Were Used, the P'ints That Were
Made and How the Decision Came.
Copyright. 1900. by C. B. Lewis.l
It was Moses Harper who begun It.
Some one told him that a circus ad-
vertisin wagon was slowly but surely
approaching the town of Jericho, and
he let it he known that he would show
up at the postoffice in the evenin and
have sunthin to say to interest the hull
United States. Nobody could guess
whether Moses had found new way
Of gittin hired man up at 4 o'clock in
the mornin II was goin to experiment
on CROWN broomsticks, and the crowd
was holdln its breath when he showed
up. Moses didn't lose no valuable time
tryin to find out whether Porto Rico
belonged to the United States or to a
tobacco trust, but put on his spectacles
and said:
"Citizens of Jericho-The tocsin has
sounded, and we are here tonight to
counsel together in the cause of moral
ity. Last year, as most of you know,
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

The information concerning the ex-
preston "a son of sea cook" says
the Philadelphia Times, has not been
found In any reference dictionary. 1t
comes from prominent citizen, man
Of affairs and man of intelligence.
In 1862 he was for a period the cam
paign companion of Leonard SWEET,
congress In Illinois. Mr.. SWEET was
the bosom friend of Abraham Lincoln
his alter ego. In 1888 he was the ad-
vocate In Chicago of the presidential
aspirations of Walter @. Gresham.
At the time referred to Mr.. SWEET
had an engagement to address voters
In Fremont and Pekin, In Tazewell
county, and by the informant referred
to was driven from Fremont to Pekin.
SWEET had few equals as a conversa-
tionalist, and the talk was brisk and
naturally never to be forgotten by the
man who had proffered his services as
a driver.
The latter, speaking of well known
lawyer of Pekin. remarked, ''He Is a
son of sea cook" Mr. SWEET turned
abruptly about and said: THAT express
sion Is not correct. You mean the son
Of sekawk. which is perversion Of
the Indian name segonk, which means
a skunk and is usually pronounced Sc
hawk. Few people ever use the term
correctly or comprehend its meaning"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
One Old Horse Guard. Another

Two beautiful chestnut horses, Jack
and Sam, were among my early friends.
They We're clean built, high stepping
trotters of a speed which might have
distinguished them on the track, but
they led happier life, being favorite
carriage horses in a region of beauti-
full country roads or sometimes, under
the saddle. threading lovely forest
paths.
Rarely used In single harness, they
had been as rarely separated, and
when In their old age Sam became
blind 1t was a touching thing to see
Jacks constant watchfulness over him.
Their pasturage was in fields broken
by rocky lodges and where more than
one steep ravine suddenly descended
from the smooth sward. Jack never
left his friend. Constantly beside him.
IL Sam went too near perilous edge
the stream, a rock or fence, he would
go between him and the danger, push
ing him aside or, If that could not be
done, he would take him by the name
and gently lead him to a place of safe
ty. No allurements In Jumps Of suga-
apples or the salt basket ever drew
Jack from his dependent friend.-our
Animal Friends.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
The Head walters Tips.

One of the most expensive restau-
rants In New York is conducted, so far
as its observing patrons can tell, on a
unique system of tips. The head wait
er of the room devoted to the use of
the men guests makes 1t point to be-
come acquainted with them, find out
their names and becomes genial in the
half respectful, half presuming way
that so frequently passes for good ma
ture among employees of the kind In
this country. Naturally he receives
liberal fees from his clientele, which Is
made up of rich men able to pay high
prices for the extra service they re-
ceive.
When there Is no financial response
of this kind to the walters advances,
his cordially diminishes. The walters
under him do, with unusual willing
ness, the head walters bidding They
are evidently Indifferent as to their
own success I'm the matter of fees. 1t
Is only the good will of the head waiter
that appears to be the goal of all their
efforts.
Such unselfshness astonishes regular
patrons of the restaurant, and one In
particular undertook to discover the
reason of this attitude of the walters
toward their chief. He learned after
awhile that the tips the head waiter
received were large enough to enable
him to give the walters part Of his
earnings for attending with particular
care to his patrons, who, as rule, con-
fine their contributions to the head
waiter. The guests who fail to take
advantage of the head walters over
lures to friendliness are not likely to
fare well In that restaurant, where the
walters, certain of fee from the man
over them, are Indifferent to the guests
not included among the list of his pa
trons.-New York Sun.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
The Biters HIT.

"See that party with the Jag sitting
In the corner of the carp said con
ductor who was riding to the car barns
In Zoo and Eden park car to the con.
ductor In charge of the car.
"Yep. He's got heavy bundle" was
the answer.
well, take this counterfeit half dol
lar with you when you collect his fare
A passenger passed II ON me n month
ago. II he gives you dollar, you can
shove II on him."
The conductor of the car took the
lead half dollar, entered the car, and
the man with the jag held out silver
dollar and received the counterfeit half
and 45 cents In change.
worked like cl,arm," said the con-
ductor as he reached the platform.
Here he comes now. He wants to
get off,"
The drunken man wabbled to the
door and unsteadily descended from
the car.
Now Wen split up" remarked the
conductor of the car as he drew the
dollar from his pocket. And as both
Of the conductors gazed at the silver
dollar they gasped In unison: Were
up ag'in II! It's counterfeit DOLLAR
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
HIRED GIRLS PROGRESS.
Fable Showing Wisdom of Silenc'
Concerning Some Things.

Concerning Some Things.
Once upon a time there came into the
city from the country a girl The girl
wandered from her happy home to Sc
cure employment among the wealthy
families of the city, and when she
made known the fact that she was
willing to work many persons sought
her and implored her to engage witt
them In domestic pursuits. The girl
was overwhelmed with offers, but final
ly made a selection and settled in n
family that valued her services very
highly. The girl was happy until one
day her employer met neighbor, a
very dear friend, and told her of her
good fortune in finding the country
girl And this neighbor met another
very dear friend and told her of her
other friends good luck, and thus did
1t become generally known that there
was good ''hired girl in the neigh
borhood.
And from that time on the mistress
and the girl were unhappy until one
day the very dear friend gave the girl
$1.50 more a week than she was earn
ing in her first place, and In this man.
ner did the girl become happy Ggail.
while her mistress and the very dear
friend ceased to be on speaking terms.
And then the girl became unhappy
again until the other very dear friend
engaged her at an advance of 81, and
the other dear friend and the first dear
friend ceased to talk over the back
fence. And then the good girl wore
fine dresses and fine hats, and one day
a dashing young man led her to the
altar, and now the three friends and
the poor country girl are all very
happy.
Moral.-Don't talk good about your
hired girl.-Detroit Free Press.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

"Stimler's collar button rolled under
the bureau"
Eyes"
"And he 'sicked his dachshund after
It."
"Go on
"The bureau is heavy and stands
close to the floor"
Proceed"
"The dachshund Is the thinnest
dachshund that ever breathed, and he
could just squeeze under the bureau"
"WellT"
"Well, the dachshund reached the
collar button and at once swallowed 1t.
1t stuck half way down and thickened
the dog so that he couldn't pull himself
past the lump. So Stimler had to call
in the janitor of the fiat, and they lift
ed the bureau off the dog"
"What about the buttonT
"Stimler said he'd let the dog keep
the button. He might need It,"
"Need it,"
Eyes, In case somebody collared him"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

his head, bat Id like to near frsrp
Lish Billings on this matter"
ITS purity late" says IAsh.
"How purity late?'
"Why, Jonas has rented his barn
ag'in and got 81 deadhead tickets, and
here's one he give me. How's that fur
a p'int?'
The meetin stood appalled, fur u min
II, and then Deacon Spooner looks
around and says:
"Jonas has got 20 tickets left, and
that means he has 16 more to give
away outside his family. Fellow coun-
trymen, do you take 1t that this meetin
has pledged herself?'
mo, no, nor shouted the crowd.
SIS it the opinion of this meetln that
Jonas Teachout ought to be wrassled
WITH"
"No, no, nor
"Then I'm appealln directly to Moses
Harper. Moses, will you withdraw
them remarks about the blight of de-
struction, the allurin colors of vice
and innocence weepin under a black
berry bushT'
81 might" says Moses after n little
reflection, "but I want to be let down
easy"
at shall be done. I'm offerin the fol-
lowin resolution to be voted on: Re
solved, That circus pictures on barn
may or may not affect the moral
standard of community, but we are
willin TO chance it this year. All in
favor or ag'in will manifest it in the
usual way"
The resolution was carried with a
whoop, and the crowd piled over itself
to get outdoors and look around for
Jonas Teachout and beg fur deadhead
tickets, and Moses Harper wasn't one
of fhp last NJ Quad
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

polite society" is often at its wits
end to devise means Of getting rid Of
people who are not wanted as callers
or visitors, but who will not take a
hint, for polite society cannot say In
so many words, Il do not want you to
come again" A French paper repeats
this dialogue between two ladies':
"And so you still receive that dread
full Nine. Comeagain!"
impossible to get her to take hint!
DO you know, the last time she called
| never offered her chair"
"And what was the resultT
RESULT Why. the next time she
came she brought folding camp
stoolv'
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
Along Lightning Conductor,

Bavaria boasts that 1t has the longest
lightning conductor in the world. IT
rises some yards above the top Of the
meteorological station on the lug
Spite, the highest point in the German
empire. and runs down the side of
the mountain to the bottom of the Hol-
lenthal, where there is running water
all the year round. The length of the
rod is five and half kilometers, nearly
three miles and half
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
nv n Modern Eaop.

In the days when Children under
stood the language Of Everything a
Boy was telling his Troubles to the
Eggs.
''They always Beat me-" he Com
planned, unless | am Good"
They will not beat u.s." observed the
Eggs, unless we are Good"
Moral.-Tl ere must be some Mistake
In those Jokes about Omelets.-Balti-
more American.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
Chairman Republican State Central
Committee.

Gems From tho Speech of Temporary
Chairman Roach.
Let no Populistic visionary tell an
Iowa audience that the career of "Old
Business" closed in an attempt on the
life of the nation for which he lived and
died.
Under the splendid leadership of Les
lie NJ. Shaw, Iowa has become the ban
ner sound money state in the west.
Opposed to our p'agnificent ticket, we
have voice from Nebraska, and re-
miniscence from Illinois.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
Nothing In n Name.

where have you been until this
shamefully unreasonable hourY
Been sitting In quick repair shop,
my dear, waiting for my only pair of
shoes. cleveland Plain Dealer.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

ARTERs REP. STATE CENTRAL
{, Dies MONIES, Aug. 6.-To
of the state Of Iowa: The
party has selected its ticket
state and nation, and the
Of 1900 has begun. 1t now
it'll the people of Iowa to ex-
approval or disapproval, of
of four years Of Republican
owing upon Democratic ad-
.tion, during which times were
ere than at any other period in
ry. As was well said by Mr..
he temporary chairman of the
an state convention, "the out
he campaign of 1900 will either
struction of Organism or the
IN of prosperity. Prosperity
istic rule cannot exist at the
blican convention of Aug. l
well, and offers to the yot-
ate of Iowa q ticket above
d one which merits the
very voter. AS a declara-
iples, the convention en-
.atform adopted by the ma
ican convention at Phila-
invited to its support all
lire that the unrivaled
ich we are enjoying shall
The Republican state
can do no less than
md emphasize this in
will deny the exist
s times, and it cannot
tch times are the re-
iples of the Republican
to effect in the admins
liam Mckinley. These
the committee desires
he people of Iowa the
Ding their part towards a
victory this fall.
however, of the natural
prosperous people to forget
j vigilance is the price of
prosperity, the committee de-
&c upon the Republicans of
the necessity of work. We should
be satisfied alone with a Republican
sory in Iowa, but in order that the
eat of the Bryanistic party shall be
rough and complete, Iowa must give
irger majority for President McKin-
than ever before. The Republicans
70 the votes and each Republican
uld see 70 il that every vote for the
pubIiq11 ticket and prosperity is
ed.
1e win be met during the campaign
n which we are entering with the
M ON the part Of the Organizes, that
money question is suspended is
/" BY this, they mean to make us
eve that while they might have the
,osition to enact free silver into the
,of the land, yet the existence of a
.biican senate would prevent this
mmation. 1t should be remem-
that while the formulation of the
Q platform at Kansas City. with
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

IL eggs would only grow on egg
plants, the Incubator would do the
rest-and the poor old hen would have
to retire from business.-S Falls
Argus-Leader.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
Red Hot From The Gun

Was the ball that hit G.. b. Stead
man Of Newark. Mich, In the civil
War. 1t caused horrible Ulcers that
M treatment helpad for 20 years.
Then Bucklen's Arnica Salve cured
him. Cures Cuts, Bruises, Burns,
Boils, Felons. COrns and Skin Erup-
tions. Best Pile cure ON earth. 70 CTS.
box. Cure guaranteed. Sold by A..
Roberts, Druggist.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

II Is unfortunate that every ones
memory is best In retaining things 1t
would be more genteel to forget.-Atch-
isOn Globe
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
where He Didn,t study.

my gracious" cried the sympathet-
ic girl. "Your dog seems half starved.
He looks as II he hadn't had anything
to eat for week"
Neither he has, poor fellow" replied
the college student Il forgot all about
him."
''Why. where was hep
Locked up In my study room!"--
Philadelphia Record.
Old newspapers for sale at this Office
at 8 cente bunch OF two dozen, II
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

A philosopher says that every failure
Is a step toward success. This ex-
plains why some men become richer
every time they fail.-Chicago News.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

The parson adds one to one and the
sum is one; the divorce judge sub
tracts one from one and two remain
Chicago News.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

The following have been visitors at
different sessions Of normal:
DIR. Robbie, Of Audubon; J. A. Crow
and wife, of Dedham; Mr.. Jones and sis
ter, Of Clay county, formerly teachers
here; Mabel Swaney, of Gray; Miss Soar
and two lady friends,
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
atiOnal Platform and the Admins.
tratiOns of President Mckinley
and Gov. Shaw Endorsed.
ems From the Address of Temper
airy Chairman ROach---Per-
sonnet Of the Ticket.
hartman Weaver of the State Central
Committee Issues q Ringing Ad-
dress to the Voters of Iowa


Secretary q State. w. b MARTIN. Greenfield
Auditor OF State. Fl. +. MERRIAM, Hopkinton
State Treasurer.G. s. GILBEkTsoN, Forest City
Attorney General. C. W. MULLAN, Waterloo
Judge Of Supreme Court. ..............,....
................ EMLIN MCCLAIN, Iowa City
failroad Commissioner. .....................
:. ....,. Col ID. J. PALMER. Washington
residential Electors-at- Large
........JoHN N. BALDWIN, Council Bluffs
....... OLE o. ROE, Des Moines
lstrict Electors
First district-E. V. Tucker, of Louisa
Second district-J. l.. Bartholomew, Of Jack.
Third disttict-I, b. Raymond, of Franklin.
Fourth district-IC. II. McNidor, of Cerro
ordo.
Fifth district-HAH. Root, of Linn.
Sixth district-SfH Harper, of Wapello.
Seventh district r.. Rhynsburger, of Marion
Eighth district Marion StOokey, of Decatur.
Ninth district-fhomas Wray, Of Crawford.
Eleventh distfet-George E. Bowers. Of
DuX.
Die Platform.
eva Y ubficans, meeting in this, the
o! the republic and state,
the services of its leaders and
o pre-eminent position tn ey
councils of the nation and the
mend and indorse the Iowa dele
9th the senate and house of
tives; they indorse and com.
wise and successful administra-
vernon Leslie NJ. Shaw in state
ey have no other platform to
the present campaign than
nal platform of PHILADELPHIA,
Us with the unqualified approval
republicans. The Republicans
have no apologies to make
atform nor for the candidates
upon it, William Mckinley
lore Roosevelt. 1t asks for those
es tho support of every citizen
at heart the welfare of the re-
1t asks for the nominees of
milton not only the loyal support
republican, but of every voter
who desires tho prosperity Of
'and the progress of the com
4.
owing, additional resolutions
dopted:
iblicans of Iowa have assem-
ar under the shadow of great
deathS of our distinguished
sn, John Henry Gear. No man
was CLOSER to the hearts of the
me in public life ever served
oyally, faithfully and untir-
Q was truer to every public
one more efficient and jealous
rye of every duty. His pub
ms part of the history Of
his death we recognize loss
nd nation.
ote east, among strange and
in scenes of terror and of peril,
rger, citizen of Iowa, is
ing not only the honor of
ut the dignity and man
nerican people. His friends
Of whatever faith, earnestly
safety and immediate sue
ID of his family, and that
" come speedily when
home he may receive the
their constant sympathy
increasing intere st and re-
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09
Normal Institute.

Up to Wednesday evening 13l we're en-
rolled at normal. This is a little but not
much below the usual enrolment. 1t
seems to be the experience all over the
country this summer that normals are
not so largely attended as heretofore.
Good times seems to be taking few Of
the teachers into other lines.
Superintendent Farquhar and his in.
structors seem to be succeeding well with
their work. Prof. Rockers enforced
absence has thrown little more work
on the other instructors. Supt. f. ID. Y.
Culbertson, of Ames, is conductor OF the
institute. He is one OF the strong
educational men Of the state. Prof. O.
T. Wright, Of the Adair schools, Prof.
Woods and Prof Lancelot, both OF whom
have taught in normals here before, and
Miss Carrie E. Forgrave. Of Perry, who
teaches primary methods, constitute the
very able corps Of instructors. Follow
ing is list OF the students:
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

- that, Tor question
not paramount" much time
as wasted on this subject, and they will
also remember that Bryan by the exer-
else of an unparalleled show of bossism,
compelled the convention to adopt his
platform Of l6 to /. This is Mr.. Bryan's
platform, and this alone. No other
feature is paramount with him; 16 to /
is Bryan, and Bryan is 16 to /.
The statement that a Republican
United States senate will prevent the
contamination Of this Bryanistic plat
form for at least five or six years, is not
borne out by the facts. 1t is absolutely
true, that should Bryan be elected this
fall, it would be necessary for him to
carry sufficient number of states,
whose legislatures will elect United
States senators next winter, TO make the
United States senate practically tie on
the money question, and in two years
from now, should such a misfortune &C.
cur this fall, the senate would be Bryan
istic.
Thinking men should carefully con-
slider the situation, and see that their
votes are given to the Republican ticket.
II. o. WEAVER,
Chairman Republican State Central
Committee.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

At a school one day a teacher, hav-
Ing asked most Of his pupils the diff
ference between an island and PENN
sula without receiving a satisfactory
answer, came to the last boy.
81 can explain 1t, SIR" said the bright
youth. "First get two glasses. Fill
one with water and the other with
milk. Then catch a fly and place 1t
in the glass OF water. That fly is an
island, because 1t is entirely surround
ed by water. But now place the fly In
the glass of milk, and 1t will be a
peninsula. because 1t is nearly sur
rounded by water"
The boy went to the top Of the class.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

You will never find any other pills as
prompt and pleasant as DeWitt's Lit
tie early risers. Z. Prick & Son.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

81 am going to sea-" the young man
said and paused.
The young girl gasped, 80 Harry-er
Mr.. Timidr' She could not conceal
the tears in her voice.
Then he knew what he had feared to
ask In so many words.
Il am going to see," he repeated,
'your father tonight, II you will give
me permission" Then she feb upon
his bosom. -Philadelphia Press.
Always try to keep yoursen wen 10
the 'front.'" said Senator Sorghum to
the young man who is studying poll
tics.
you mean must be among the first
to advance new ideas and promote re-
FORMS"
mot exactly, but you must be among
the first to claim credit when the trick
is done and everybody is applauding."
Washington Star.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-08-09

Good chairs are the most difficult
pieces of old furniture to find. They
received harder use than other pieces
OF furniture and consequently wore
out quicker.