The Press., 1900-08-30
Backache Cured
Machine Made Jokes.

Some time ago a fellow got up
little book giving hints on how to be
funny. Copies of this book are evil
IDENTIFY in common use by the funny
men connected with many Of our news
papers. Witness this specimen joke
attributed to a Chicago paper:
He-Who is that ugly old woman
over there by the piano?
She-Oh, that's Nine. Cosmetique,
the famous beauty specialist.
The book tells just how to make this
class of jokes in bulk. The same idea
will do for whole batch. "He" asks:
"Who is that baldheaded man?'' "She"
answers: THAT is DIR. Quacknostrum,
the Hair Remover man." Again, "He"
asks: what is the matter with those
crying bratsY' And "She" responds:
'Their mother has gone to lecture on
the training of children" Once you
catch the idea you can produce funny
things of this kind automatically, and
if you are a funny man on a news
paper your readers will laugh every
time and other papers will quote your
jokes and give your paper credit for
Observation-Disclosures
PREVENTED Timely in
formation given Mrs. George Long OF
Straitsville, Ohio, prevented a dreadful
tragedy and saved two lives. A frightful
cough had long kept her awake every
night. She had tried many remedies and
doctors, but steadily grew worse until
urged to try DR.. Kings New Discovery.
One bottle wholly cured her, and she
writes this marvellous medicine also
cured Mr.. Long of a severe attack OF
Pneumonia. Such cures are positive
proof of the matchless merit Of this grand
remedy for curing all throat. chest and
lung troubles. Only SOC and 81. Every
bottle guaranteed. 6
Trial bottles free at A. 9. Eaton's Drug
Store.
The First National Convention.
What may be called the first national
convention was not held by either Of
the great parties. 1t was conducted
by what was known as the Anti-Ma-
sonic party and was held in Baltimore
in September, 1881. Delegates attend
ed from every state mot chosen, how
ever, on a basis of electoral strength),
& president and vice president We're
nominated, and platform was adopt
ed. The Democrats held their first ma
tional convention in Baltimore in May.
1882, 313 delegates being present. AS
this year, the only contest was over
the vice presidency, General Harrison
having walkover for first place. His
opponents convened in Washington and
named Henry Clay, II out of "A states
being represented. Since then nomi-
mating conventions have been the rule
New York Sun
A MINISTER'S Coop WoRK.-sI had a
severe attack of bilious collie, got bottle
of Chamberlain's Collie, Cholera and Diar-
rh9a Remedy, took two doses and was
entirely cured" says Rev. A. A. Power OF
Emporia, Kan. ''My neighbor across
the street was sick for over a week, had
two or three bottles of medicine from the
doctor. He used them for three or four
days without relief, then called in anoth-
er doctor who treated him for some days
and gave him no relief, so discharged
him. l went over to see him the next
morning. He said his bowels were In a
terrible fix, that they had been running
off SO long that it was almost bloody fux.
l asked him If he had tried Chamberlain
Collie, Cholera and Diarrhea Remedy,
and he said, Mo- | went home and
brought him my bottle and gave him one
dose; told him to take another dose In
fifteen or twenty minutes If he did not
find relief, but he took no more and was
entirely cured"
For sale by +. K. Taft, Stafford Springs
Fl. F. Cady, Stafford; Gardiner Hall, Jr.
& Co., South Wilmington.