Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1900-07-12
MyBurglar.
A TIMID MAN WHO LIVED UNDER THE
KINDLY PROTECTION OF HIS BRAVE
WIFE GOT INTO TROUBLE
WHEN SHE LEFT HIM.

WHEN SHE LEFT HIM.

name IS Maria l have not named the
peculiarities yet, though l expect to
some day.
They have generic names, however.
One of them is timidity. 1 am not
reckless and do not want to be. L
have seen too many reckless men
hustled into untlmely graves to be
anxious to emulate them. l saw Bill
jenkins, who was at Gettysburg,
kicked into heaven by mule. That
settled my mind so far as violent death
is concerned.
My other peculiarly is in aversion
to church socials. L can't see why it
is necessary to so to one of these and
pay . cents for 15-cent meal in
order to contribute two cents to the
missionary fund. Nor can I (or any
one else explain whore the other
eight cents goes.
Just here, however, my wife comes
in. She always does when 1 don't
want her to. She thinks church
''socials' the essence of life, and de-
clares she couldn't get along without
them. So she goes to the socials and
l stay home.
The village is eight miles away, and
when she goes she stays all night with
one of the sisters" and takes our
boy with her. That is where my
timidity comes in to bother me.
have to stay all night alone in a big
house, and l don't like it. From the
time that Maria goes till she comes
back l worry constantly about bur-
glars, tramps, footpads and highway
men. l never feel secure until hear
her dear, familiar voice singing out
from the front gate
"Well, Bill, haven't you got the
wood chopped yet?"
After that brighten upa good deal.
Well, the incident l am about to
relate has to do with both my peculi-
arities and my wife. There was
church social Maria insisted on going
as usual; and when Maria insists, /,
as natural consequence, have moth
ing to say. 1 let her go, therefore.
But was unusually nervous at being
left alone in dark hou, vt night. |
had quite sum of mo- =, in the
house, the proceeds of our hay crop,
so | loaded the shotgun with double
load of buckshot and placed it at the
head of my bed. | hoped to be able
to fire this shotgun, or rather its con-
tents, into any burglar who might
Chance my way. | had never fired it,
however, in nv life, and | am sure
was as much afraid of the hind end of
it as any burglar woull be of the
other.
Night fell and 1 retired to my
chamber. did not undress and 60
to bed, for knew very we'll | would
be unable to sleep, So sat down at
the open window and looked out at
the yellow moonlight of the autumn
night. Though wideawake at all
time, | must have been exceedingly
quiet, perhaps more so than I would
have been in actual repose; for it was
to spot near the window on the first
floor, directly under my window, that
my attention was attracted about mid
night.
AS the clock struck that lonely
hour l heard dull, rasping sound
directly beneath me, and guessed COR
rectly that my long expected burglar
had arrived. peeped over the win
dow still. There he was beyond
doubt. The rasping sound was caused
by ladder brushing against the side
of the house. He was placing it in
position so that he could climb into
the window at which sat. No doubt
he had noticed that it was open and
an easy entrance to the
house. Otherwise l suppose he would
have picked the lock of one of the
doors. l wish he had done that. 1
have always had burning curiosity
to see lock picked, but 1 never saw
q lock picked.
the ladder. He appeared to
be great. shaggy, unkempt rascal
The shotgun was within five feet of
me, and Fl could undoubtedly have
blown his brains out then and there
had the thought occurred to me. But
/ must confess that the gentle arts Of
are much more to my taste
than the horrors of war, so l paused
and considered. / have often paused
and considered in my life without ap-
preciable effect; but on this occasion
a plan of action occurred to me so op-
portunely that l regard it as
Napoleonic to this day. 1t was
simply this; /, too, would be a burglar
and would join forces with the invader
in robbing my own house. Such
plan would undoubtedly save my life,
for they say there is honor among
thieves There is mighty little among
honest men.
My idea grew in my mind. Perhars
! could do more than save my life.
knowing where all my valuables we o
could be of material use to my bur-
glar, and perhaps he would give me