The Irish standard., 1900-09-15
TOOK TWAtN's PLACE.
The Audience Laughed Heartily at His
Serious Remarks.

INC AUDIENCE Laughed Heartily at His
Serious Remarks.
Mark Twain is a good talker. and
invariably prepares himself, though he
skilfully hides his preparation by his
method Of delivery, which denotes that
he is getting his ideas and phrases as
he proceeds. He is an accomplished
artist In this way. His peculiar mode
OF expression always seems conta-
gious with an audience, and a~laugh
would follow the most sober remark.
1t is d singular fact that an audience
will be in a laughing mood when they
first enter the lecture room; they are
ready to burst out, 1T anything and
everything. In the town Of Colchester,
Conn.,, there was a good illustration of
this, the Hon. Demsham Hornet hav-.
ing Almost unpleasant experience at
the expense of Mark Twain, says
Ainslee's Magazine. Mr.. Clemens was
advertised to lecture in the town of
Colchester, but for some reason failed
to arrive. In the emergency the lee
ture committee decided to employ. Mr.
Hornet to deliver his celebrated lee
ture on temperance; but SO late in the
day was this arrangement made that
no bills announcing it could be circu-
lated and the audience assembled, ex-
pecting to hear Mark Twain. No one
in the town knew Mr.. Clemens, or had
ever heard him lecture, but they en-
tertained the idea that he was funny,
and went to the lecture prepared. to
laHgh. Even hose upon the platform.
excepting the chairman, did not know
Mr.. HorneHfr"m Mark Twain; and so,
when his name was introduced.
thought nothing of the name, as they
knew Mark Twain was a pen name,
and supposed his real name was Hor-
net.
Mr.. Hornet bowed politely, looked
about him and remarked: "Intem-
perance is the curse of the country"
The audience burst into n merry
laugh. He knew it could not be at his
remark, and thought his clothes must
be awry: and he asked the chairman,
in whisper, if he was all right, and
received 'Yes'' for an answer. Then
he: said: Rum Stays more than dis
easey' Another, but louder, laugh
followed. He could not understand
it, but proceeded: "It breaks up hap
py homes" Still louder mirth. "It
is carrying young men down to death
and hell!' Then came perfect roar
of applause Mr. Hornet began to
get excited. He thought they We're
poking fun at him., but he went on:
1--WE must crush the serpent!' A
| tremendous howl of laughter. The
men on the platform, except the chair
man, squrmed as they laughed. Then
Hornet got mad. "What say is gos-
pei TRUTH he cried. The audience
fairly beloved with mirth. Hornet
turned to man on. the stage, and
said: do you see anything ridicu-
lous in my remarks or behavior"
Eyes; ha, ha! Go on!' replied the
roaring man. "rhis is an insult!'
cried Hornet, wildly dancing about.
More laughter and cries of "Go on,
Twain"
Then the chairman began to see
through Il glass darkly and arose and
quelled the merriment, and explained
the situation; and the men on the
stage suddenly ceased laughing. and
the folks in the audience looked sheep
ish, and they quit laughing, too; and
then the excited Mr.. Hornet being
thoroughly mad. told them he had
never before got into town so en-
tirely populated with asses and idiots,
and, having said that, he left the hall
in disgust, followed by the audience in
deep gloom.