Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-07-29
MR.. D00LEY'S
COMPLIMENTS TO Mr.. WI
Rv f. P. Dunno.

Russell)
well, sir, me little Chinee friend
Woo must be havin' tn time iv his
life in Washnton these days" said
Mr.. Dooley.
who's he?" asked Mr.. Hennessy.
He's tn Chinee ministher," said
Mr.. Dooley. AN his business is FIR
to supply fresh hand-laundhried mis-
information to tn sicrety iv state. TIL
sicrety iv state is settin' in his office
feelin' blue because he's just heerd be
a SPECIAL correspondent iv tn London
Daily Paii at Sydney Austhreelya. who
had it firm a slatewriter in Duluth
that an ARMY iv four hundred an
eight thousan' millyon an sivinty-five
bloodthirsty Chinese ARMED with
fiatirnes an cryin' 'Bung LOOT. which
means, Hinnissy Kill III foreign div
vles. dhrive out tn missionaries, an
set up in Chiny govar' mint f'r tn
Chinese is marchin' on Nladivostook
in Siberyia not far firm Tinsin. A
knock comes at tn dure an Woo
enthers. Well says he, with a happy
smile, It's all right What's all
right? says tn sicrety iv state 'Ivry-
thing. says Woo. i have just found
letter sewed in a shirt firm me friend
Lie Much, tn viceroy iv Bumbang. 1t
is dated tn fourth hour iv tn third
day iv tn eighth or green-eheese
moon,' he says. What day is that
says tn sicrety iv state. It's Choos-
dab, tn fourth iv July, Winsdah. tn
piphfh iN Oafnhar on
seventeenth iv March, he says. Path
rick's day, says tn sicrety iv state
'Thrue f'r We. says Woo. What year?'
says Jawn Hay. TIL year iv tn big
wind says Woo. Good says Jwan
Hay, proceed with ye'er story
Here's tn letter, says Woo. Il know
It's genooyine because it is an oil
dhress patthern used be tn impress.
1t says: Oscar Woo, care iv himself,
anywhere: Dear Woo, brother iy tn
moon, uncle iv tn sun, an roomate
iv tn stars, dear sir: Yours iv TIL
eighth day Nv tn property moon ray
celved out iv TIL air yesterdah afther-
noon or tomorrow, an was glad to
note ye ar-re feelin well. Iyrything
over here is tn same oil pair iv boots.
Nawthin' doin.' Picking is as quite as
tn grave. Her majesty, tn i'm
press, is sufferin' slightly firm death
be poison, but is still able to do tn
cookln' FIR tn Rooshan ambassadure.
III impror was beheaded las week an
feels SO much betther FIR tn OPERATION
that he expicts to be quarthered mex
Sundah. He's always wanted to raw
jooce his weight Some iv tn Boxers
called on tn foreigners at Tinsin las
week an met a warrum rayciptionst
IN foreigners aftherward paid a visit
70 thin through hole in tn wall an
a Jolly day concluded with a foot race
at which our people are becoming ex-
pert. Some iv tn boys expicts to
come up TO Picking mex week. an tn
people along tn line iv tn railroad
are gettin ready FIR thin. This is
really all tn news L have, EXCEPT that
cherries ARE ripe. Me pin is poor
me ink is dhry, me love f'r you can
nlVer die. Give me regards to Sicrety
hay Win he wakes up. | remain
lilusthrus cousin iv tn risin' dawn
thruly ye'ers, Ii. p. S.-If We need
amy more information take a longer
dhraw.
That says Woo, is wan way iv r
readln' 1t. Read upside down il saws
that the impress has become a SWed-
enDoorJan. | will r-read it standin' on
me head whin ! get home where | can
pin down me oyerskirt; thin III r.read
1t in a lookin' glass; thin I'll saw II
INTO sthrips an r-run it through
wringer an lave it stand in a tub Nv
nlueln an whin it's properly starched
II ma out What it says. Finlly I'll
cut 1t into small pieces an cook with
rice an lave it to roast in a cool place
an thin twill r-read even betther. |
nope yere satisfied ne says. 1 am
says Jawn Hay. I'll tillygraft to Mark
that 1Vrything is all fright. ne saws
an that our relations with his majesty
or ner majesty or their BoxeFshins or
Tn Down-witl 'foreign-divilIeTs or
WholVers runnin tn shop over bevanr
where ivrythipg are as they ought IA
pc or worse or betther, IS tn case NAV
be, he says. Good says Woo. 'y,ou're
a man afther me own heart he saws
IL sind We little book wrote he
frlnd ~ mine in Peking,' he saws. ,Tis
called Heart to Heart Lies I Have
Had, he says. You'll like it, he saws
In tn meantime, he SAYS. 4 must
write a secret message to 90 out be to-
nights hot-air express to me CORY
spondint in Meriden. Connecticut. ur
gin him to sind more impeerysl edicks
~ fay'rable nature he saws. I've
on'y had twinty so far, an I'm gettin'
scriyener's palsy he says But be-
fure 60 he says, L bet We eight mill
yon yens or three dollars an eighty
four cints iy ye'er money, that We can't
pick out tn shell this here pea is I'M
dher. he says. An they set down to
game iv what is known at Picking as
diplomacy, Hinnissy, but on Randolph
sthreet viadock is called the double
dirty"
Il don't believe wan wurrud Nv
what's in tn pa-apers about Chiny."
said Mr.. Hennessy.
Well" said Mr.. DooIey, If yc be-
lieve anything ye'il believe Everything.
lis a grand contist that's goin' on be-
tween Westhren and EasthreD civil
/! liezatiop. 'Tis joke " me own. Hin
Missy, all' ye'd undhersand il re knew
spelliu'.l tn Western civillexafion.