The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-04-15
Fun of the World.

Q
cigar from that OF his officer
The latter took this evidence of the
democratic spirit OF freedom IN good part,
but said by way OF a hint: IN the regu-
lar army you couldn't have done this 10
IN officer, Brown
Right you are" responded the pri-
vate. but in the regular army you could
not be an officer"
&c &c
Once, when General Butler Was in con-
gress, he rose in his place and gently
Instructed that the member who was &C
cupying the foor was tIansgressing the
limit Of debate why, General said
the member. n reproachful tones, you
divided your time with me-" II know
it," rejoinec the grim old warrior. but
1 did not divide eternity with YOU"
z z gg
4 Scottish paper tells an anecd0te in
connection with the new electric system
just opened in Aberdeen. TWO farm ser
wants came 10 Aberdeen by train, they
Immediately made their way 10 the ter
minus of the electric tramway circuit,
where, after looking at the new creation
with much wonder, they decided upon
having a ride Getting on the top Of
the car and after getting well along:
.'Wull." said man Jock, this is 4 graun'
invention. In Edinburg 1 saw them drive
the cars WI an iron rope aneath street,
in Dundee they pu' them WI an engine,
but, mighty man, who wad "a thocht they
could ca them wi a tishing-rod!'
<
Henry James was once praising the
work Of a feIlow-author. You are very
kind to him." said some one present.
for he says very unpleasant things about
your work. All said Mr.. James, but
then, both of Us may be wrong"
& u
A washington correspondent of The
Chicago Record tells a good story about
Senator Pettus' entry into politics, which
event took place six years ago. At that
time Mr. Pettus, though seventy-two
years of age. was seeking the appoint
ment 10 a vacancy on the federal bench
in Alabama, and he went to Washington
TO ask the assistance of Mr.. Pugh, then
a senator from his state. ''Why. Pettus
exclaimed Pugh, what put into your
head this notion OF running for office?
You are altogether too Old. We want
young men on the bench" I'm not too
old to occupy a seat in the senate" re-
torted Mr.. Pettus, indignantly, and LEFT
the room. He abandoned his efforts to
capture the judgeship and turned straight
way to Alabama, where he commenced
a canvass for Mr.. Pugh's seat in the
senate. That seat he now occupies.
z 4 tl
A story of Ruskin is credited by the
Westminster Gazette to Sir George Ire
velyan: lie mentioned that once, when
walking with a lady, he had met Rus
kin; and in the hope that the latter
might say something characteristic, he
addressed the great man, asking If he
had heard the news. What news?" was
the reply. "Plevna has fallen" "Pievna?
never heard of it. 1 know of nothing
later than the fourteenth century"
8gg a
In the Plymouth congregation there
was at one time woman who was a
thorn in the flesh. She had a harsh voice
and stiff manner Of speaking. Her long
drawn-out, dull discourses wearied the
congregation. But Mr.. Beecher was pa
tient. At last he, too, reached the limit
of endurance. and one evening when she
sat down, after talking nearly half an
hour, he arose, ana IN MS deep tones said
SLOWLY: NeVertneiess, 1 still believe n
women speaking IN meeting" She spoke
no more.
q x gg
Inc King L-~nuon) tells a story or
Lord NJ ouIeton, VINO is sIort-signte1.
In a railway tram, while h was sitting
next to very stout old woman, friend
on the next seat accosted him. Wat a
minute" salG mis- IordshIp ri put this
bundle OF rags IN the rack and you can
sit mere" Ana 10 the astonIsnment ana
horror Of the gigantic female ne caught
her round the waist before ne realized
his mistake.
x x x
At time of crisis in foreign affairs,
says the Argonaut, the Princess Mary
Adelaide, Duchess of Teck, was seated
at dinner next Mr.. DisraeH. She was
anxious to understand the apparent in
action Of the government, and asked him
suddenly: What are we waiting for?"
He took up the menu, glanced at it, and
gravely replied: Mutton and potatoes,
ma am"
x Z < <
Once upon a time when Judge Gary, Of
Chicago, was trying a case, he was dis
turbed by a young, man who kept NOV
ing about in the rear of the room, lift
ing chairs and looking under things.
Young man." Judge Gary called out,
you are making a great deal Of unnec-
essary noise. What are you abOut?'
Your Honor" replied the offender, Il
have lost my overcoat, and am trying TO
find It" Well said the venerable jurist,
people often lose whole suits IN hers
without making all that disturbance"
x < x z
Miss Ellen Terry recently wrote to a
London newspaper as follows:
we played The Merchant Of Venice
one Christmas day IN America, and /
gave a pass to a nice, kind, old colored
waiter who attended me al my hotel. At
ter the play asked him what had struck
him most and would live longest IL his
memory-the pound Of fesh?'
No
The running away of Jessica?'
No
The Jew?'
"sNo'
What, them
"'Oh, it certainly pleased me mighty 10
see all those lovely ladies' and gentlemen
a-bowin' 'emselves down before the col
ored gentleman
He meant the Prince OF Morocco"
gg x
The family Of Count Tolstoi has large
circle Of acquaintznces, and hardly an
evening passes but there are guests. At
cne music party a lady's singing d!spleas-
ed Count Tostois boys and they ad-
journed 20 another room and made a
noise. Their father lost patience and went
after them. and a Characteristic admoni-
ton ensueG:
Are you making a noise On purpose7'
he asked.
After some hesitation, came an answer
II the Affirmative; "Y-y-yes."
Does not her singing please your
Well. no. Why does she h0wiY' de-
clared one q the boys. with vex7tion.
so. you wish u protest against her
singing?" asked Lye1 Nikolaev.tca. IN
serious tone.
Yes"
Then. go out and say so. Or stand n
the middle % the room and tel every
one present That wo1s6 Be rude, but
upright and honest But yoU have got
together and are sQUeziing Ike grass