Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-06-02
THE FUNNY MAN
BY Kennett F. Harris.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Il WOULD have been disappointed
If you had told me that you had

If you had told me that you had
n previous engagement" said the man
who dealt in grain through the medi-
uEa ce tapes and yellow bulletins to
the carol.jc dyspeptic with the sad
expression OF counteDance. ST
wouldn't have been the only one dis
appointed, either; the madam would
have gone into mourning. She thinks
you are about the whole thing when
81 comes TO entertaining a n;scel-
laneous crowd that never heard you
Before
That's good" said the dyspeptic,
gratefully, as he sealed himself at
fhe lunch counter. 81 like to hear
3hat. 1t makes me think that / have
not lived entirely in vain.''
Don't mention it, said the grain
man. II thought it would please you,
90 as it happened TO be truth said
Il. 1t wasn't any particular exertion
20 say 1T, and l don't really deserve
much credit. She told me once that
she thought you were awfully funny.
but she don't know how funny YOU
really are"
AT the same time" continued the
dyspeptic, ''I would rather have been
snvited for my more sterling and solid
qualities. 1 thought that your wife
knew and appreciated them. 1t gals
when am as good as told that it is
she mere brilliancy-the meretricious
Srilliancy, L might say-of my con-
verxational and anecdotal powers that
has got me the bid"
81 wouldn't eat any more of those
doughnuts if L were you," suggested
che grain man. you'll suffer for il
aater ON and your family will suffer
more or less, too. Honest, though,
and not with any intention of string
tng you, I'd like to know how you
got it."
/; I'm the legitimate way of business"
replied the dyspeptic.
I'm referring to that coruscating
CAB of yours"
I'm glad to notice that you don't
dali into the popular error of think
ng 1T comes naturally. / got it as all
geniuses get their requirements, by
hard work. AS a kid was diffident
and reserved"
~You have got bravely over it."
Certainly have; but that was the
way started out. / was that kind of
a kid that when was on a visit to
my Uncle Georges only opened my
mouth once, except to put food into
1t, in the three weeks that I was
there. OF course you understand that
j said Yes and NO and Thank You, 1
believe l will take another piece but
4 didn't attempt anything in the con-
Yersational way"
Except the once?"
Except the once. The way that
happened was that there was a mar
Tied cousin at dinner that dav and
She had brought her baby along.
We were about half way through
the dinner and they were ali talking
about the baby. After awhile there
was a let-up and 1 raised my eyes
from the tablecloth and saw my mar
Eied cousin was looking at me. 1
booked at her, too. She was not at all
q bad-looldng woman, but that wasn't
why, exactly. / guess just looked
at her because 1 happened to and I
hadn't the grit to break away. 1 felt
that my face was getting hot. She
sEmiled at me sort of encouraginply.
nut 1t didn't have a cooling effect. I
realized that it was up to me to saw
something, so said it. Even then I
was not the boy to shirk a response
hilty. asked her: rs it a boy or a
girlT
THE effect was something ire
Hnendous. My Uncle George let the
carving knife drop on the floor, and
my Cousin Caroline, who was rather
an idiotic kind of a girl, sputtered on
- glass of water she was drinking.
ahe rest of them didn't say anything
they just laughed. Say!
"And my Uncle George wiped his
eyes with his napkin and he remarked
In n choLy kind of voice: why, VIII.
liam. you're getting quite CONVERSE
fional.' Wouldn't that frost you?"
II think" said the grain man, with
an air of thoughtful consideration, 81
hhink that it would have nipped me
about the edges, so that 1 think I'd
nave wilted and turned black in
places after the sun got up"
8 II should imagine it would" said