davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
The niMerenco.

"There is one difference" said old
Mr.. Rockingham, 'between our son and
a poor rule"
"What's that?" his wife asked.
"a poor rule won't work both ways.
The other won't work any way."-Chi-
cago Times-Herald.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
A Needless Question.

"Could yez idintify the man that
sthruck yez?'' asked Mr.. Rafferty,.
"Do yez name ty insult me ?" rejoined
Mr.. Dolan. I'm course Oi couldn't.
Afther Oi got through wit i'm his own
mother wouldn't know 'im."-Washing-
ton Star.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
The Good Old Times.

Fosdick-Ah, people weren't so pre-
tentious in the old days. Why, when
was boy most business men used to
live above their stores.
Samjones-Thought you didn't be-
lieve in men getting above their busi-
ness,-Harlem Life.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
No Harm Done.

The Parson Il understand you
brought your dog to church with you,
Sunday, Thomas?
Thomas-Yes, your reverence; but
ne went to sleep as soon as you begar
to preach, like the rest of us, and dis.
turbed no one, sir."-Yonkers States.
man.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
How We Use Up the Forests.

A cord of spruce wood is equal to
e15 feet board measure, and this quanti-
ty of raw material will make half a ton
of sulphite pulp, or one ton of ground
wood pulp. Newspaper stock is made
up with two per cent. of sulph1*e pulp
and 80 per cent. of ground wood pulp.
The best known spruce land, virgin
growth, possesses stand of about 700,
feet to the acre. Twenty-Five acres of
this best spruce land will therefore con-
tain $4,000 feet of timber. An average
gang of loggers will cut this in about
eight days. This entire quantity Of
wood turned in at any one of the large
mills will be converted in single day
into about $50 tons of such pulp as
goes to make up newspaper stock. THIS
pulp will make about an equal weight
of paper, which will supply single
large metropolitan newspaper just two
days.-Boston Transcript.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Well Worth Reading.

Roaming Journalist hear that the
present owner of the Daily Blowhard is
rich old snoozer, who made fortune
on hams. Does he ever write anything
worth reading?
Blowhard Man-You just bet he does.
He signs the checks.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
A Plain prODOxal.

T1d1n TrOpOBal.
"1'm plain man, Miss Timmins."
"You are, Mr.. Barclay"
"Can make myself any plainer?"
Impossible, Mr.. Barclay"
,''Then your answer in plain words"
'In one plain word, Mr.. Barclay
Plain Dealer.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
MAY BE FAMED OPHIR MINES.
Gold Fields of the Transvaal May
be the Source of SOlomOn's
Riches,

At time when all eyes are on South
Africa a few particulars of the min
eral wealth which brought outlanders
to the Transvaal will prove of interest.
Wonderful, indeed, are these great
"Witwatersrand" gold fields of the
South African Republic. The Dutch
word "witwatersrand" means literally
'white water range" and the strip of
territory few hundred miles long and
few miles in width to which it is ap-
piled was but few years ago consid-
cred a nearly worthless range, useful
only for the pasturage of cattle and
sheep, and for even this comparatively
valueless. In 1883, however, gold was
discovered, and in 1884 the value of the
gold production was about 100000.
It increased with startling rapidity,
the production of 1888 being about L.
100000; that of 1890, e2,0O0,OOO; 1892,
over E a4,0oO,o00; 1895, over & 100000,
and 1897 and 1898, about 6 II 1,000, 900 in
each year.
This wonderful development attract
ed to South Africa thousands of people
in the hope of realizing quick fortunes.
Development, however, showed that the
mines could only be successfully
worked by the use of costly machinery,
and while they have been extremely
productive where machinery has been
used they were not of such character
as to make hand or placer mining
profitable, as was the case in Cali
fornia. The gold production in the
rand since 1884 has been over 6 6O,OO0,-
600, and careful surveys of the field
by the use of drills and other processes
f experts show beyond question that
the ''in sight" probably amounts to
hundreds of millions sterling, while the
large number of mines which have been
located in adjacent territory, particu-
larly in parts of Rhodesia, give prom
ise of additional supplies, so that it
seems probable that South Africa will
for many years continue to be, as it
now is, the largest gold-producing Sec
ton of the world.
Recent discoveries lead to the belief
that these wonderfully rich mines are
the long-lost "gold of Ophir," from
which Solomon obtained his supplies,
making "a navy of ships in Eziongeber,
which is opposite Eloth, on the shore
of the Red sea, in the land of Edom;
and Hiram sent in the navy his serv-
ants, shipmen that had knowledge of
the sea, with the servants of Solomon;
and they came to Ophir and fetched
from thence gold, and brought it to
King Solomon. Y. Herald.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
His New DiEnity.

Mr.. Jiner-I've been elected to the Of
flee of invincible high protector of the
sanctuary in my lodge.
His Wife-What are the duties?
Mr.. Jiner-I have to guard the outer
door.-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05

Understands His Business.
An undertaken, blow for blow,
In fight would badly pan out;
But when it comes to boxing, though,
He'll neatly lay his man out.
-Judce
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Had None to Blow Ont.

Betty-What do you think of Cholly
Chumleigh saying that if I refused to
marry him he would blow out his
brains?
Letty-That it was pretty safe
threat.-Judy. go:
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
IMAGINARY DANGERS.
Presentimentsa and PremOnitiOns Ac.
count for the Death Of Fully
One-Half of Mankind.

"Of the whole number of persons sup
posed to die of disease" said the house
surgeon of one of the hospitals, ''at
least so per cent. are killed by fear.''
In support of his statement he cited
various cases where prestiments, proph-
ecies, premonitions and general
nervousness all played their part.
Some years ago four criminals, con-
Gemned in Russia to die, were taken to
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Her Literary pretenxe.


'Did you ever read Gray's Elegy in
Country Church Yard?"
The fair young girl looked puzzled,
but only for moment.
'Yes, indeed" she answered. II have
read it in country churchyard and lots
of other places" es."-Washingt Star.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05

Mrs. Brush-Mrs. Morton has re
piano in her new house.
Mrs. Crandall-No; she's little sen.
sitive about pianos.
Mrs. Brush-Why?
Mrs. Crandall-Well, she was Mr.. Nor.
tons stenographer before they were
married.-Harlem Life.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
THE BELL HORSE.
An Animal That Plays the Part of
Drum Major of the Mule Train
in BOerland.

The most energetic and peace-de-
stroying feature of army life in the
Transvaal is the mule train, and the
most necessary member of this outfit is
the bell horse.
This animal leads the caravan and is
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
AlaA I

She seemed to treat me like dog,
There isn't any doubt,
Except there is no chance, now, OF
A license taking out.
IN. Y. World.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
His Reward Of Merit.

There was no one at his funeral
Because, from early youth,
He'd made it plan, had this candid man,
To always speak the truth.
-ElliOtt's MaRaZine
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
WrunE Out of Him.

Mr.. Meeker's spouse had given him'a
curtain lecture ten minutes long, and
stopped moment to rest.
"Well," said Mr.. Meek>r, Struggling
his shoulders and speaking under his
breath, "every woman to her tirade!"
Chicago Tribune
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Not Very COnsOlinx

Humorist-The editor makes fun of
my jokes.
Spacer-Well, I don't see that you
have any kick coming. That's more
than you are able to do.-Chicago
Evening News.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
AbsOlute Cerebral Exhaustion.

Charley-I'm going to give that bwil-
liant actress had to dinnah the othaw
night pwesent. What would you sug-
gest?
Geowge-Bwilliants, of fcourse.-Jew-
elers' Weekly.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05

Rev. Fiddle, D. Dyes, Daniel was
cast into den of lions, but not one
of them dared touch him. How
strange
Pupil (scornfully)-Aw, dat's nuth-
in, I seen duck do dat act in de cir
Gus las year.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
DORIS Deliuht.

Never mind the small pup when his howl
ings begin
He howls to get out just to howl to get in.
Chicago Record.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Unidenti6ed.

Jack-Wkat's this silk and lace a.
fair on your table-a penwiper or a pin
cushion?
Harry-I don't know. I bought it
at q church fair.-N. Y. Journal.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Scaly Fellow.

There had been robbery at the
church while the funeral services were
in progress, and the suspected person,
stranger who had seemed deply af-
fected, had got away.
"Can you describe him?" asked the
detective.
"Yes," answered the victim. HE was
carrying a small alligator grip and
shedding large crocodile tears."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Boxing and the Eve.

It is said that boxing improves the
eye. Perhaps it does, but there are
times when boxing puts both eyes in
mourning.-Chicago Daily News:
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Two .Viewa.

.Paul-What beautiful, raven black
hair Miss Ten Eyck has!
Virginia-Yes; matches the crows
feet around her eyes, doesn't it?-
Brooklyn Life. 49, ~. 4.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Very Important Thinrs.

Master-Name some of the most i'm.
portant things existing to-day which
were unknown 100 years ago,
Tommy-You and me.-London Tit
Bits.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Waste Motion.

Life would be easier If we put in work
The energy with which we try to shirk.
-ChicaRo Record F'. ~
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
MAKING 1t Pleasant.

Mrs. Wiggles-Mrs. Bjohnson spoke
of you when I met her yesterday.
Mrs. Waggles-Did she? What did
she say?
"Oh, if had thought you would
ask me that would never have said
anything about it!'-Somerville Jour-
nal. s....
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
How Thinra Worked

New shoes make old ones last bet
ter"
"What do you mean?'
"When you know you have a new
pair in your closet you feel like wearing
the old ones while longer.-Chicago
Record.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05

b18 Soc1u1nt Uatnef1n8 Next 1e1ks :.
Socialists will hold at Paris next
year the largest congress in their his.
tory. >.. T.. n
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05
Like Some Girls.

The goat he ate a rubber shoe
And softly he would hum:
"Boys, I'm doing nothing new,
I'm simply chewing gum"
Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05

Billvillian Rhapsody.
The kick Of a mule
VIII make you vince.
One kicked dad
Hain't seen him since!"
Atlanta Constitution.
The Worthington advance., 1900-01-05

WnaC 90 you Want!
II want er hot bird an er large, cold
bottle; but I kin git erlong wild some
hard cider an er pumpkin pie if yer got
'em handy."-N. Y. Evening Journal.
New Ulm review., 1900-05-02
crohe Rtof.' Specials.

Our line of straw goods is now ready
for inspection, the shapes for men and
boys are neat this season.
Ask for our G. Bon Bon balbrigan
underwear at so cents each, no other
goods are made like these, we are agents
for these celebrated goods.
Ask for the Douglas $3.50 shoes the
best in the market.
The largest stock of Summer corsets
in the city.
Buy your ladies' and children's under
wear at Crcne Bros. They carry the big
est line.
Give US call on our groceries: they
are all fresh.
New Ulm review., 1900-05-02
Tlr12s1y 1 ter1s.

Winter underwear has
about gone out Of. com
mission. Whether YOU
IN make the change from
heavy to light today or
next day;it has to come.
t take no advantage
I! oI your necessities Of.
weather changes; the.
same moderate prices
for superior goods rule
here, whatever your
! needs may be. Ladies'
vests 5, 10, Is, 20 cents
. and more.
H 'HaH '
New Ulm review., 1900-05-02

New Tim s s
and Vicinif
Herman Sell il spending the week il
Chicago.
Mn. Belle Scott ! visiting = ohie.goI
this week.
Mrs. a N. .Rooa visited friends Al win.
throp last week. Sss5s
Capt. Burg made i business trip TO
Sleepy Eye Tuesday.
g. "a. Ottomerer made business trip
to st. Paul yesterday.
William Huevelmann lost available
horse Monday morning.
Judge Gallagher Of Sleepy Eye was 9
New Ulm visitor Monday.
DR.. o. G. Strlckler made a profession
al.trip to Winthrop Monday.
/ George s. Graham of Waseca, was do
ing business in this city Monday
Mr.. and Mrs. A. W. Bingham will go
to the cities today for a brief visit.
William Meyer went to Chicago sun-
day afternoon for weeks vacation.
Miss Edith Koehne of Sleepy Eye, was
visiting friends in this city Saturday.
Miss Anna Sschunke went to Mime
apolis Saturday to remain for some time.
/ E. Baltrusch, the Gibbon Merchant,
was in this city Wednesday of last week.
I W. W. Smith of Sleepy Eye, transact
ed business in this city last Wednesday.
GIRL WANrED.-For light house work.
No washing or ironing. Apply at Fheo.
Crone's.
| Miss M. Ambrosch, who had been
visiting at Winthrop, returned home
Monday. K
Mrs. Peter Seifert and children of
Lamberton, visited relatives in this city
last week.
DR.. H. J. Miner of GAINESVILLE, was in
this city Saturday the guest of DR.. L. A.
| Gebhardt.
Jacob Klossner was at Springfield yes
terday looking after his business inter-
ests>there.
Mcssrs. Hikcox, Fleming, Rhue and
Ortwein, all of Sleepy Eye, Sundayad
in this city.
Harry Garrioch went to North Dakota
Friday. He has real estate interests in
that section.
Mrs. Emma Goettsche of Sleepy Eye,
was visiting friends and relatives in this
city last week.
Mrs. Charles Schultz visited her par
ents, Mr.. and Mrs. F. w. Fixsen, a,
Morgan last week.
John Baasen is up from Chicago and
is spending few day with relatives and
friends in this city.
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Rudolph will go
to Germany for summer trip the latter
| p.rt If thio month
G. H. Gugler, accompanied by. the
Misses A. and M. Gugler, of Springfield,
Sundayed in this city.
C. w. A. Krook broke ground Mon.
dav morning for his new residence on
south Washington street.
Mr.. and Mrs. Anton Hartmuth rejoice
In the arrival of baby girl who came
to them Monday morning.
The new seats purchased by the city
council for that purpose have been put
| in place in North German Park.
Mrs. Simon Garvin, Of Mapleton, Was
in this city last week the guest of her
sister-in- law, Mrs. B. F. Webber.
Miss Edith Bach of Owatonna, has
been spending the past week in this city
the guest of her brother H. L. Bach.
Lamberton Star: The family of Rob-
Fritsche arrived from New Ulm this
week and have gone to housekeeping.
The woman's Missionary Society of
the Congregational church will meet at
the home of Mrs. B. F. Webber, Friday.
Mrs. Geo. g. Becker of Sanborn, was
visiting relatives in this city last week
prior to her removal to Mountain Lake.
Miss Grace Newsalt returned yesterday
from OWatonna where she had heen via
New Ulm review., 1900-05-02
s'lor1e GIassMars
Items.

a large Shipment; Of
useful glassware articles
has just arrived too late
to give full space, Sc. on
II sample will be shown.
Large size clear glass
vases 15 cts.
Basement.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-08-11
L.inoleum.

Linoleum is an admirable foor COW
ering for bathrooms, where there
should also, of course. be one or two
mats. Lnoleum IS a little cold looking
for halls, bot, however, II Ia often used
there with success. 1t is useful, again,
as a surround to carpet, for which
purpose the parquet pattern is perhaps
the most effective. In choosing lin
oleum, 1t In we'll to select a length that
Is not absolutely fresh from the manu-
facturer's hands. The colors, If al
lowed to harden before the hnoleum In
used, will wear very much better than
If broughtin into use soon after they have
been laid on. For bathroom the blue
and white diamond" linoleums and
q tile paper look we'll. Linoleum should
never be scrubbed. To preserve It I'm
good condition wash It with luke warm
water and soft cloth, and when dry
polish it.-Washington Star.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-08-11
WHY DAVID KICKED.


Ben Hansop, a Chicago dog catcher,
attempted to catch David Goldstein's
dog. He missed the dog, and, it 10 said,
Isssoed the owner. The latter, who
lives at "a Wallace street, offered Wig
orous objections to being mistaken for
. dog and proclaimed this fact in such
a manner that his arrest was the re-
suit. The string was taken from about
his neck, and, In charge Of a bluecost
and two dogcatchers, Goldstein was
taken to the Maxwell Street station
and locked up.
Hanson told Justice Dooley THAI he
was attempting to secure possession
Of Goldstsin's dog. Goldstein urged the
dog into his rear yard, followed by
Hanson, who carried q small lasso.
Goldstsin objected to the capture of
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-08-11
Women wsth peara.

There is a barber in New York who
makes a speciality of shaving women.
BE has number of regular Gust omers.
One of them is a wealthy Cuban wom-
an, who spends a great deal of time at
the Fifth Avenue hotel. None of them
is young. In speaking of his custom
ers he said: They don't want depila-
tories. They want to be regularly
shaved, just like a man. They have
naturally heavy growths of beard.
They like the sensation. l have shaved
one woman three times week for ten
years. She won't let me touch her
with any but the sharpest razor. To
look at her no one would imagine that
she could grow a beard that would put
many a man to shame. Her complex
ion is smooth and clear and her skin
fine and firm. She could have her
whiskers permanently removed by a
preparation or by the needle, but she
prefers to be shaved."-N. Y. World.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-08-11
.naeed u,. Helnn.t.

Twice the dowager empress Of R7s-
na has saved her husbands life. One
day, when in the emperor's dressing
room, she observed that on his dressing
table lay curious looking jewel case.
Something about it's appearance
aroused her curiosity, and, taking it
up. she became swar1 that 1t was ex-
tremely heavy. Without saying a word.
abe went into her room and placed It
carefully In basin of water; then.
sending for the project of police, whoes
duties kept him much about the PAL
ace, she begged him TO have Il exam
ined, and 1t was discovered to be ono of
the most marvellous Internal machines,
ever invented by the ingenuity of man.
The second occasion on which the en-
press was directly instrumental In
stopping murder occurred in the win
ter palace, when she heard a slight
noise which indicated tho presence of
q stranger in the cars study With
out betraying the slightest anxiety.
she begged her husband to come and
speak to one of the children. He did so.
She locked the door, and gave up the
keys TO party of soldiers, who found
thatsom one had just escaped through
the win6ow.-Chicago Times-Herald.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-08-11
A Per.I.n nooL g..

In every big bazar certain num-
Der of shops are set apart for the
sale of books. In these one finds
the bookseller-in his long, dark,
outer mantle and high, black, lambs
skin hat-seated on the floor, sur
rounded by his little stock in trade.
The front of his shop is open, like
butchers, while his books are either
arranged in shelves against the three
walls or in heaps upon the floor. His
collection usually consists of litho-
graph editions of Korans, school
books, favorite poets and historians,
but the assortment is limited. Be
sides these, hidden away in a corner,
he often has one or two manuscripts
which he has either bought as a spec
ulation or Is trying to dispose of for
friend.-North American Review.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-08-11

Said Ezekiel r. Hampton having no
heirs, his next oldest brother inherited
\ life right in this society.
And the writer took much pleasure
in congraulatang Mr.. Hampton on be-
Ing legally entitled 10 belong to this
august and honorable body. His name
had been sent to the president for this
state, and In a few days he would
doubtless be heard from. Thus through
no fault OF their own had come to thess
brave souls the hard task Of bearing q
bitter disappointment.
The president was heard from. 60
oiety documents of all sorts poured In
upon Ezra until in few weeks he had
received as much mail as had come to
him before In an many years. The VII
lage postmaster and Hannah could
scarcely keep up with Ii.
OF course, Ezra became q member.
Bis faithful wife would permit nothing
else. And, of course, too, he attended
the annual dinner. And In hearing of
the glories of that festive occasion Mrs.
Hampton found some slight compen-
sation for the loss of the expected
wealth and official position. With brave
heart she tried to bring her husband
to the same opinion.
Il don't know, Ezra, but it's most an
good as being mayor; there's less care,
and It's ever go much more high
toned"
And Ezra would answer submissive
fyi "Yes, s'pose so, but I did want
that Aldurney."
Ezra's inheritance, however, had no
light influence on the people of Rurel-
ton For as soon as 1t was noised
abroad they straightway began q
search for warlike ancestors. Fortu-
nately he had no rival as a member Of the
Q. 0. 8. Admission to the body was too
difficult,
1t seemed as II tbs whole popula ton
OF tho colony must have served IL in the
early days, SO many grandfath theirs were
found who had held Office, while sons
and daughters of the revolution were
discovered In every household.
Family crests were uneorthed, or
madeto order. Rusty sabers and moth
eaten army saddles were hung in many
q hall And the envied Of all was q
summer traveller, who returned from
her trip, ito the other side," with q
photograph of an English estate which
abe proudly exhibited as her family
homestead.
30, though Ezra'sinheritance brought
disappointment to him and his brave
wife. 1t came az blessing to the peo-
pie OF Rurlton, for without IL they
might have never known the pleasurs
OF seeking and finding illustrious for
bears--Boston Globe.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-08-11

ever the fence into the yard of her
home.
The train was making 10 miles an
hour, when the engine driver from his
lookout observed a dark object on the
rails some distance ahead. He immedi-
ately closed the throttle and reversed
the lever, but the momentum of the
train carried it forward so that II
seemed almost impossible that the
wheels would not grind over the bum
die, which Mckee shortly discovered, to
his horror, was sleeping child. With
IN yard Of the baby the engine was
brought to standstill.
Leaping from his cab, the engine
driver snatched up the child and turned
It over to its mother, who had been at
trscted by the screeching Of the loco
motive whistle. She uttered no word
OF thanks nor gave the savior of her
child second glance. Spanking It and
tossing 1T over the fence, she turned
from the scene and disappeared into
the yard. \
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-08-11
How tn. queen i. Photo.r..h.a


When her majesty wishes to have q
new photograph taken, she sends q
command some days beforehand to the
photographer upon whom her choice
may fall, to attend at the royal resi-
dencs on certain day and at certain
hour. The photographer takes with
him his apparatus and two assistants.
and room is specially prepared Tor
the sitting. The queen is q very good
subject and displays no impatienos
during the ordeal, which is necessarily
tedious affair, as she is always taken
in number of different positions,
proofs of all Of which are submitted to
her. Her majesty then makes a selec-
ton, and prints are only taken from
those she approves of. No one is al
lowed to publish a photo Of the queen
without first submitting the photo to
her and obtaining her permission 20 do
so.--London Express.