The Banner-Democrat. [volume] (Lake Providence, East Carroll Parish, La.) 1892-current, 1900-02-24
A FAMILY CONFERENCE.
Geoghan's Effort to Enlighten HIS Better
Half Regarding the Boer War.


c.orhan,s Effort to Enlighten his Better
Half Regarding the Boer War.
Pericles Geoghan had taken to leav-
ing the morning paper at the house
when he went to the office. and MRS.
Geoghan had taken to reading IT..
Then she took to asking questions.
"Pericles, she remarked one night
as her hege lord came to anchor IN
his easy CHI air, after dinner, "I've been
reading all about the Boer war. 1t
puzzles me inst little, and thought,
since YOU were SO clever, you'd ex-
plain that and some other things to
| me-"
Pericles beamed condescendingly,
and. with a wave of his hand, signalled
her train of intellectual effort to start.
.Tn the first place." she began,
"where is Boer?"
''Where is what?" cried Pericles.
eBoer. The place where the Boer
war is held"
''The Beers are people, not a place.
| Did you suppose"
"Oh, yes. How stupid of me! And
they live in Borneo, suppose. read
| of that island when I was child IN
nv geography. Well, why are they
fighting the poor English? 1 think
"Fighting the poor English?"
SOU ealed Geoghan. "The English are
fighting them. Fighting the defense
less Beers in order to gain control OF
the gold and diamond mines. To OBJ
tain q suzerainty--"
"Then why don't the Beers behave
like gentlemen and hand over the con-
trolls and suzerainties and things with
out being rough and fighting? I'm
sure it's only a matter of courtesy.
Think of all the things the English
have given them!"
"What did the English ever give
| the Beers? L"
:Why England sent President
Kruger as many as half dozen uiti-
matums. The paper says SO. And never
charged him a cent for them, sup
pose. And I don't think, after that,
that the Beers ought to mind doing
them a kindness in return"
"Have you any earthly notion what
an ultimatum is?' asked Pericles,
sternly.
"Well, not exactly. But it's some,
thing nice, I'm sure
"Oh, it is! 1t isl" howled Geoghan
in an ecstacy of ironical wrath. "It's
lovely thing, an ultimatum is. It's
usually pale blue, with pictures o.
angels on it. It's handy in striking 6
light, and makes delicious summer
drink. It sings sweetly in captivity
too; but not with as much sympath.
or technique as a suzerainty does"
"What an odd thing it must be!'
exclaimed Mrs. Geoghan longingly
"and how wish I had onel Wasn't
it generous in England to give it t.
the Beers? And what brutes they ar
to fight England after that! I sup
pose they think they'll scare her int
giving them another ultimatum."
s'That's the South African situation
in NUTSHELL" sneered Geoghan, sar
castically, as soon as he could chok
down his wrath. ''That's it! Wha
pity women aren't allowed to vot
or to discuss the questions of the da.
, in Congressl"
eyes," said the unsuspecting Mrs
Geoghan, 'I'm sure we would elevat
politics. Now, if only the Boer
, would"
! sis there any other subject YOU
like to be enlightened about?" querio
Pericles Geoghan YEARLY. He ha
aged ten years in the last ten minutes
s'It's a real pleasure to explain thing
to mind like yours.
" "Why, yes, there's one thing. Thes
Filipinos. Are they really so YER
ignorant?" asked Mrs. Geoghan.
"Ignorant?" echoed Pericles wit
reviving interest. 81 should say Sc
Why, you'd hardly believe it, m.
> dear, but some of the natives were &C
tually so ignorant that they couldn'
I understand why the iron ships renal
afioat instead of sinking like ordinar.
pieces of iron. They had no idea Q
!, the scientific principle that keeps meta
: vessels afoat. Absurd, wasn't it?"
"But, Pericles," ventured Mrs
g Geoghan, "what is the principle this
: keeps iron ships afoat?"
"Why, how silly in you to ask
That's just like woman. You see
: the force of-the gravitation-scier
= :, tifc displacement-specifc-oh, you
= questions too silly for sane man t
! answerp'
. "What mercy that I have cleve
! husband, though, to make up for m
= shortcomings, sighed his wife.
Pericles Geoghan looked balefu
h but made no reply.-New York World