Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1900-11-01

"Mary, wherein thunder are my bath
towels?"
She tells him they are in the bath
room and he wants TO know why OF
earth she had not said so instead OF let
ting him hunt the fat for half an houl
for towels when he was worn out anC
so sleepy he could hardly keep his eyes
open.
She says nothing, but sinks back on
the pillows and has just closed her eyes
as he dances in in a condition of ex-
IRENE bad temper and distinctly i'm
modest attire and demands 10 know II
she has used his bath robe for a door
mat or sold it to the junk man. as il
certainly is not IN the fiat, She tells
him II is hanging on the back Of the
bathroom door and he dances out. re-
minding her that II he dies Of quick
consumption il will be her fault.
AS she turns her pillow over to the
cool side he puts his head around the
| portiere and asks, with intense mild
/ ness, II she has given his flesh brush
away as prize at some of her cinch
parties. He knows he used to own one,
but cannot find Il, which is not at all
strange in that house, anyway. She re-
minds him that he gave IL TO the baby
to play hobbyshorse with that morn
ing. He stalks off, stumbles over the
furniture. lights all the gas in the fat
with the aid Of several matches and
good deal OF eloquence. and Mrs. John
finally creeps YEARLY out Of bed and
finds the brush on the bathroom floor.
Then she retires 10 her bed.
in two minutes exactly her lord calls
her in tones that cause her to run to
the bathroom. And she finds him
CARRIED airily in moderate-sized bath
towel and a liberal supply Of what
looks like brown paint. His face is quite
purple and his language profane.
Iodine. Iodinel" he sputters. Look
iat me. viii ye? Keepin yer dashed soap
in yer dashed medicine chest as though
IL was some cure for the measles. How
was ! to know that dhshed stopper
would come out, Ell? Look al me! I'm
a sight And the dashed stuff has 10
wear oif-nothing but time and prayer
and sand paper will move II. And
found everything in there but soap
soap and receipted bills! Everything
from cure for cramps TO your marriage
certificate. Wipe me of, will We? That
Is, what will come Of know my back
looks like British war map Of Africa.
III 90 into a museum as the only genu.
inc tattooed man. OF all the places 70
say you keep soap, and all the time !
suppose il is behind your Venus di
Medici in the parlor, with ten-cent
cup and saucer standing on It. That's
called artistic furnishing nowadays.
Don't take all the skin of my spine.
There, ihatll do. G'wan TO bed and
maybe | can take my bath in peace.
Have you got any washing powder OF
I've, seeing there is no soap?"
Mrs. John hands down two cakes OF
soap from the third shelf OF the medi.
cine chest and her husband snorts as he
grabs a cake and steps into the bath.
tub. She goes back 20 bed and this
time falls sound asleep. IL seems 10 her
that she has slept about five minutes
when she is aroused by the gas flaring
wildly in her face. Shading her eyes,
she raises herself on one elbow and sees
her lord and master turning the bureau
drawers upside down on the floor.
"What are you looking for. Johng-
Her husband sits back on his heels
and grips the bathrobe around him
with both hands.
Looking for p he remarks. Look.
ing for? At this time Of night? What
would any sane person be looking for,
do yer suppose? For one Of my dress
suit shirts, maybe, or a pair of silk
socks with sunflowers embroidered on
'em. Have l got a nightshirt to my
name or haven't I? Or have you cut
'em all down for Billy? Have ! any
rights in this house. anyway? l used
to have some clothes before I had
family. but Ill be blamed IL have any.
thing any more"
MY dear, your nightshirt is airing
over the back of that chair beside you"
says Mrs. John.
Airs it? Well, why in thunder
didn't you say so? Here I've gone
through all the furniture from the
rhiffonier to your writing-desk look
.ng for that shirt rather than wake
Tou up, But I'm the only one that
seems TO have any consideration for
'ther people in this family"
Mrs. John yawns little and turns
over as her lord struggles into the
iightshirt. He buttons the shirt at the
leck, then steps over the chaos Of I'M
lerclothes that he has deposited on
he carpet, shoves pile Of laces and
-loves that he has emptied from the
bureau drawers aside with one foot and !
winds his watch. Then he shakes his
leeping wife by the shoulder and asks
Ter where the keys Of the buffet are. ]
S he knows he is In for a good cold I
lnless he can take something TO ward
I OF. He IS drowsily informed that
he keys are in full view on her comb !
raw on the dressing table and he de- Z