Hutchinson gazette., 1900-03-15
YARD STICK LUNACY.
STILL PERSISTED IN BY VIC
TINS OF GOLD.
Tho Editor OF tho ST. Louis Journal OF
Agriculture PulverIzeS tho Theories of
n Man Who Imagined lilo Knew All
About tho Double Standard,

w, s, Bryan, the popullst editor Of
the st, Louis Journal OF Agriculture,
writes as follows In 4 recent Issue Of
that excellent weekly:
"A gentleman who resides at Read
Ing Mo-, does not like the Valley
Democrat, and wants us to stop send
Ing 1t to him, which, Of course, we will
do with pleasure-but not until after
he gets this copy. This gentleman
claims to be a Republican, but he Is
mistaken, lie has strayed off into the
path Of the Knickerbocker breeches
imperial English party, and Is no more
Republican than the devil is a saint.
We will prove 1t to him. The Repub-
llcan party was always a blmetallic,
double-standard party. II he doubts
this let him read the speeches OF Abra-
ham Lincoln, the editorials OF Horace
Greeley and the writings and speeches
OF Jas, G Blaine and all the other old
heroes Of Republlcanism, and he VIII
see that we are right. The Republican
party never declared for the single
standard until Mark Hanna got 1t by
the throat and choked all the honesty
of principle out of 1t. Even Mckinley
was blmetallist until Mark Hanna
bought him by paying his debts.
80 much for Republicans as bimet-
allists Now this Knickerbocker
breechos Missouri imperiallst says,
The idea of a double-standar dollar
is just as absurd as double-standard
yard or double-standard bushel. No
one is silie enough Chats his spelling)
to advocate q double-standard of
weights and measures oh, Wisdom!
thy name is Solomonl Suppose our
friend were keeping store, would he
not find It convenient to have two
yardsticks of precisely the same
length, so that II one happens to get
lost or broken he could use the other?
Or, suppose he had two bushel meas
ures, and his old gray mule kicked
hole in one Of them, wouldn't 1t be
convenient to have the other one near
at hand to measure his grain wlthY
Or, to carry the parallel little fur
ther, suppose he had only one pair OF
pants, what would he do while his
good wife put patch on the hole In
the seat? Or, yet again-how would
he like to wear trousers with only
one MISUNDERSTANDING trousers!
We imagine that the silver leg would
get rather numb these cold days.
And now will our friend excuse us
while we tell him a little story? A
certain man knew where he could buy
a thousand yards Of cloth for thou
sand bushels of wheat, and he also
knew that he could retail the cloth to
his neighbors for two bushels Of wheat
per yard. But having no wheat, he
borrowed a thousand bushels from a
neighbor, agreeing to return 1t at a
certain time, with 100 bushels extra
for interest; and so he bought the
cloth and resold It to his nelghbors,
thus acquiring wheat enough to pay
his creditor and have good profit
for himself But when he hauled the
wheat over to his neighbor, that sharp
individual had adopted the single
standard He had knocked the bot
tom out Of one Of his bushel measures
and nailed 1t on top of the other, and
this was what he brought out to
measure the wheat in. The borrower
protested, but the other fellow got his
shotgun and told him to measure the
wheat In the single standard or he
would arrest him as an anarchist and
a repudator. AS he had no shotgun
he was bound to submit, and he not
only gave up all his wheat, but was
still In debt 100 single standard
bushels for interest AS he drove