Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-01-17

- saw YOU KISSING my uduSuteT. 1
don't like 1t. sir" "Then you don't
know what's good. sir."-Life.
Whats the difference between foot
ball and war;" Football is war with
out any human object in view.-Ex.
Teacher (angrily)-Why don't you an
swer my question, Bobby? His brotl-
err Tommy answering for him.
Please, sir, he's got peppermint In
his speech.-Tit-Bits.
Miss Thlrty-smith (severely)-A man
should never call on girl after drink
Ing. Jack Swift (cheerfully)-That's
fact. Many man has become engaged
in just that way.-Puck.
Fuddy-You call money stamps"
don't you? Duddy-And money is cur
rency. So suppose when you speak
of an elastic currency you refer to rub.
Der stamps.-Boston Transcript.
Didn't move him: "well, did the boss
give You q ,raise?' NO" "Not even
when you told Inn you had grown gray
in his service?' mo. Gave me the
name of good hair-dye."-Puc
/ Mr.. Snell-What are you crying for.
Elsie? His little daughter-l've just
read that the diamond mines may be
exhausted in seven years, and it's eight
before my coming out!-Jewelers'
Weekly.
"From what / hear, Mr.. Earnestly.
that son of yours at college is little
fast" "A little fast!' repeated the old
man disdainfully. He holds the anna
teur record as 1O0-yard sprinter."-
Detroit Free Press.
Wallace-There is nothing like matri-
mony to make man appreciate the
value of money. Ferry-That's so. A
dollar Il man gives to his wife does
look bigger to him than any other dol
lar.-Cncinnati Enquirer.
Uncle Hlram-What kind er thing is
that that woman's got on her neck,
Mandy? His niece-That's chinchil-
la collar. uncle. Uncle Hiram-Chin--
chiller, hey? want to know! Blessed
IL didn't think twas chin-warmer.
Bazaar.
How still they are remarked Mrs.
Fogg, apropos OF the young couple In
the next room. YES" replied MIR.
Fogg, lit reminds me of my army days.
1t was always wonderfully quiet just
previous to an engagement."-Bos
Transcript.
Diplomacy: Mrs. Nelghbors-I adj
yertised for plain cook last week, but
didn't receive single reply. Mrs.
Nextdoor-Take my advice and adver-
tise for good-looking kitchen lady,
and you'll be overrun with apllca-
tions.-Chicago News.
| $50 our friend is going to leave poll
tics?" He is" answered Senator Sor-
ghum, "if he knows what's good for
him." at is too bad to lose him; lie
was such an accomplished wire-pull-
err Yes; but be got hold of live
wire.-Washington Star.
ooh, Tom" exclaimed the bride of
six months, what do you think?
Mother says she wants her body Gre
mated" "She does. eh?" said the hus-
band; well. tell her to get ready. and
I'll take her over to the crematory the
first thing in the morning."-Ex.
Young lady Ito married slster)-Do
tell me an appropriate present to give
a new baby. Married slster-I know
just the thing-these little jeweled
safety-pins. Baby, darling, had one
given him six months ago and have
worn 1t ever since.-Harlem Life.
what did Noah live on when the
Hood had subsidized and his provisions
in the ark were exhausted" asked
Washington Sunday school teacher,Qt
her class. ~ know" squeaked a little
girl, after the others had given up.
well, what?" inquired the teacher.
DRY land"
Its Beauty Departed: Wife Crushing
toward shop window)-Oh. look here!
Husband-Well, .declare! There Is
one of the tete-a-tete lamps you were
admiring at Mrs. De Styles. Wife
Suddenly stopping) Horros! It's
marked "Only two dollars. '"-New
York Weekly.
4 Grlgson-Excuse me. AIitwln, but
why is it that people of your name are
generally such COMPOUNDED bores? Nit
win-I don't know. How many persons
of my name did you ever know? Orig
son-By George! come to think Of it,
you are the only one ever knew.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
You see, 1t was this way: They were
all three so dead in love with her and
all so eligible that to settle the matter
she agreed to marry the one who should
guess the nearest to her age" "And
did she! II don't know. know that
she married the one that guessed the
lowest" Weekly.
Speaking of Cuban uprisings and in
surrections," said Wallace, 81 shall new
err forget one that occurred twenty
years ago." Were you present?" asked
I Ferry. Every much so. 1t happened
about five minutes after had lighted
one of my fathers big black Havana
cigars. '-Cincinnat Enquirer.
Asking too much: American girl
And IL marry you will live in an old
English castle, with turrets and bat
Elements, famed in song and story?
English Lord-Yes, you SHALL Ameri-
can girl-And will you introduce me to
the Prince Of Wales set? English
Lord-Um-er-no until begin to
get tired of you.-New York Weekly.
A burst Of generosity: 81 hear" said
the crusty old gentleman. "that there
are some yiolins so valuable that no.
body thinks of playing on them"
Yes. saw one in a museum" replied
his wife. II wonder If couldn't buy
one and trade it to the young man next
door for the fiddle that he has been
using for the last six months.'-Wash-
lngton Star.
Blotters OF Historic Value.
A Philadelphia man owns most
| uniu,ro occorfmnnt nf p;aoa, n q l,Io++,,.