The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-01-07

| that I'LL"
/ Found lots of fault with me-"
''You know the only thing 1 ever Sc
| riously objected to was your interminable
use Of slang. Now, isn't this true?"
''Well, yes, partially.
isn't 1t all true?'
Practically
But isn't tt?''
Technically
de jure and de facto. Now, then,
did you ever know me to drink?"
mo"
''or gambler"
NO
Didn't I try to induce you to accom-
pany me to church oftener than you
did,"
''Oh. yes"
"Think, Helen
"Charlie!"
"'Think, madam, what an unjust thing
1t would have been toward me to have
printed your story In tomorrow's newspa-
pers."
"But I knew he would go and see
you"
"And what them"
"And that when he told you what
had said you would come-come-com
and see-(boo hoo-boo hoo me-"
"Helen!"
"Char-Char-Charl
'I believe" interjected young Mr..
Biles, "that I will go back to the Of
fee"
"You-couldnt-d a better thing than
get wise to the situation and get hus-
tie on yourself" said Mrs. Grassyknoll.
'I take it you are one Of those fly kids
who don't have tc have brick house
fall on 'em to take a tumble to them
selves"
Can I say IN the morning that Mr..
and Mrs. Fettersham are to be re-
united in marriage?" inquired Mr.. Biles.
IF you say anything about US III
break your back" were the parting
words Of Mrs. Fettersham. nee-Grassy-
knoll.
speaking of imperialism. said Mr..
Slopover, as he tipped the end Of
cigarette into the fireplace and intently
examined the tip of his nicotine-sta1ned
finger, 81 am more and more convinced
that 1t Is a good thing. Don't you know
that responsibility IS an awful bore In
this country we are all individually ana
collectively responsible for the way
things are run, politically. We are re-
sponsible for Mckinley Secretary Gage
and Griggs and John Hay. This heavy
responsibility keeps some conscientious
men awake nights, don't you know. Now
over in England and Germany and Rus
sia 1t Is extremely different. The peo-
pie there just shut their eyes and let
! the toboggan slide. You can't shake
no CORY locks at them. The government
is running the country and. God knows,
they didn't make the government. IL
was born that way.
That's the rea son why so many Eng
lishmen Of the middle classes have so
much time for athletic pursuits. They
don't have to worry over politics and a
change of administration every four
years. Now If Bill Mckinley could only
be made emperor, with Mr.. Hay as
sort of Ii Hung Chang, we could all go
skating, or fishing or swimming, or
Yachting, and rest assured the country
would run itself-after fashion AS 1t
is now we are all the time meddling
| and interfering, and putting up opposi-
ton tickets and trying to pull down
what others have built up. Mckinley
sees how this thing is wearing out our
national vitality and sapping our
strength He is panied to observe 1t and,
like the born philanthropist which L
| believe he is. he is quietly steering us
right into the snug harbor Of imperial
ism where the wicked cease from
troubling and the weary are at rest.
"You don't know how much relief 1
experienced when I was over in Europe
last summer. I felt a great sense OF
responsibility removed from my mind.
didn't have nothing to say about the way
| the government was run and / was glad
of it. I could feel like the poet, 7. Bu-
| chanan Read, felt when he wrote:
My soul today
Is far away,
Sailing the Vesuvian bay
"A1l was rest, peace, quietness, and 1
| could sip my champagne and smoke my
cigarette in q most blissful state OF
4 beatitude. When I got home all was
changed. Folks looked at me reproach-
fully every time any one mentioned en-
balmed beef or the conduct of the Span
ish war. They seemed to say. you are
partly to blame for this state of af-
fairs and 1 really felt deeply chagrined
and uncomfortable.
"Now I am glad to see that Mr.. Nc
Kinley and the others are willing to
change all this. They stand ready to
do away with congress and the constitu-
ton and assume to be the whole cheese.
Why not let them do 1t? Why put up
Democratic ticket to harass them and
embarrass their philanthropic projects?
Let us extend the glad hand to the
glorious advent of Imperialism and when
1t is once established shunt all response
bility on to the governing powers. Fact
is, so much politics and such radical
changes in our system Is likely to result
in nervous prostration. For one I'm
for Mckinley and imperialism"
Then Mr.. Slopover rose and moved
away out into the great human tide Of
affairs and was temporarily lost in the
shuttle. 1T. r. ;.