davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

Bred Williams, thought you said
de collection wuz tuck up fer de starry
in heathens?'
80 | did. suh-so did; but been
wrastlin' In pra'r bout II ever since. en-
it's now my opinion dat dem heathens
"A chuck full. en- any mo- would give
'em de indigestion"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
Disabled.

There's a man I'm sorry for"
Tie does seem to be In a pretty bad
way. Paralyzcd. isn't he"
Eyes. Paralysis Is bad In any case.
but It Affects him more seriously than
1t would most people,
"Why so2"
"iou see he's been a teacher OF
French Now he has had to quit Il.
lie can't wiggle his shoulders. Chi
cago 1imcs-Horald.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

Il believe we mothers cannot be too
careful. Whenever there is any dim
Guilty between my husband and me.
send the children outdoors imme.
dlatcly."
Very prudent. but on the other hand
Is II good Tor the children to be Obliged
to be on the streets from morning to
uight?"-Ncw York World.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
To lie Tried Again.

The thief had been caught. red
handed. but he fcigned innocence new
ertheless.
'Ilal' exclaimed the policeman.
you're around again, eh?' thought
they put you away"
M. The Judge said he give me an
other trial"
'"oh, he did7 Come along then: wen
let him keep his word."-Philadelph
Press.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

In a ton OF Dead Sea water there al
1877 pounds OF salt; Red Sea, nlnetl
three; Mediterranean, eighty-hyei y
iantlc. elghty-one; English Channt
seventy-two; Black Sea, twenty-sli
Baltic, eighteen; and Caspian So
eloYen.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

Jlngo-"I tell you when It comes to
treacherous tactics the Filipinos leads
the band. He's bird"
Blngo-"Thats right. and from our
standpoint a bird in the hand Is worth
two In the ambush. Philadelphia
Press.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
Left Him Temporarily.

Say" remarked wragson Tatters.
looking up from the old newspaper
which he had been reading. did yer
ever lose yer appetizer"
Well" replied Eton wrun. Il did
just onct one day In 81 got what
calls a square meal. an fur mebbe IS
minutes after Il didn't have no appe-
lite at Philadelphia Press.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

when. through her own careless
neSs. discovered that she wore false
hair. lost all love for her" said
Handy.
Alas! lie was not the first man
wrecked by a misplaced swlteh.-Phil'
adelphla North American.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
rHAcKERAvs ornrLrs SIDE.
Years OF Perfect Happiness own
and Ills wifo's Love.

anu hh WHO'S Love
The following letter was written in
1888 by Thaokeray to his wife:
Here have we been two years mar
ried and not single unhappy day.
oh. do bless God for all this happl-
ness which he has given met II is so
great that almost tromble for the fu-
ture, except that 1 humbly hopo-for
what man Is certain about his own
weakness and wickednersY Our love is
strong enough 10 Withstand any pres
sure from without. and. as Il is a gift
greater than any fortune. Is likewise
one superior to poverty, or sickness, or
any other worldly evil with which
providence may visit us. Let us pray,
as / trust there is no harm, that none
OF these may come upon us, as the best
and wlsest in the world prayed that
he might not be led into temptation.
II think happiness is as good as
prayers and | feel In my heart kind
OF overlooking thanksgiving which IL
quite too great TO describe In writing.
This kind OF happiness is like n ine
picture; you only see little b.. OF Il
when you are near the canvas. Go a
little distance and then you see how
beautiful II ",
I don't know that / shall have done
much by coming away, except by be-
ing so awfully glad to get back"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

IL must confess TO a great deal OF
egotism.' said Willie Washington.
Indeed" responded Miss Cayenne,
Yes, think about myself entirely
too much"
30. that isn't egotIsm. That's mere
ly the usual human tendency to worry
over trliies." Washington Star.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

who won that long-distaneS wall
ing matohr
"Sprigslns."
He did Who was his trainer1"
Ills baby."-stray Stories.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
nnnh r,larncs to Him.

Mrs. Thlnkhard-of late years the
spread OF intelligence among all classes
has been simply wonderful
Odd Bachelor-Yes, notice there has
been a great falling OF in tho number
OF marriages, STRAY Stories.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

A little boy was asked the other day
what was meant by sins OF omission
He astutely replied, without any hes
Itatlon: "Those we have forgotten to
commit" This almost equals the little
girls definition OF faith as believing
aomethlng we know isn't true
Household Words.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

You saved my life. and whatever
you ask for I'll give you'll"
Thank you. Hirl I'm poor man.
aud II you help me With slb should
bo greatly obliged"
you value my life at only $40? Clear
out. you shameless fellowl won't
give anything to any one who would
insult me sol"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
Voluntary Oner.

I'm goln' down east. Limpy."
"Wot for. Weary"
There's fellow down there some
where's that's experlmentin' with tn
ldee OF proyln' that alcohol amt food,
an | want 10 be his horrible example
Cleveland Plain Dealer
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

Husband-"Er-my dear. there is go
Iag to be a very important-or-elee-
ton at my club tonight. and | may
wlfe-"Vory we'll. III walt up to
kear the returns"
"Um-er-are you interested In tho
roturns7" =.
"Yes-your returns."--New York
Weekly.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
Farmer-see. herel You've been
Ioaiing round here half a day.
Tramp-Well, a half a loafs better
than none. amt it?-Puck


"De smlthers says he is the architect
OF his own fortune"
yes. but it's probably lucky for
him that the building inspector didn't
bappen around while he was making
it"-Puck.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

DO you believe in mental tele-
graphy?'
yes: when I'm late TO dinner l
know exactly what my wife viii say
when / get there"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

women should have their rights"
said she, with some spirit
True he replied, but in crowd
ed trolley car. for Instance. they're not
willing TO stand up for them.'-Catho-
lie Standard and Times.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
Eispinr's - Sursos.

7l,nsse Wyme rust their chill
fr.r h the ene a, elephsatr. sbo are
c4rs.Li nfvot 70 hurt tho hide orea-
" a, and II danger threatens. the sa-
r. 'us animal viii curl the child gent
D. Gp Ia his trunk AID swing It up
and out OF harms way upon It's own
broad back
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

"somebody wants to know why wo-
man fall i'm love with Inferior men,"
"Wby don't you try that conundrum
IN YOUR wlfeT"-Cleyeland Plain
Dealer
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

I'VE never get tired OF baked apples
at the place where live"
"You don't7"
mo; we know II we did we'd get
prunes"
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

Now. Johnnie. do you understand
Thoroughly why am going to whip
you?"
"Yes'm. You're in a bad humor this
morning and you've got to lick some
one before you feel satlsaed."-Tlt-
Bits.
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27
OUR BUDGET OF FUN
SOME GOOD JOKES ORIGINAL
AND SELECTED.

a variety Of ouips. uibes aud IrouIes
to Cause smile 60 Tloisam aud
Jetsam from the Tide Of Humor-
witty sayings
The Coalville times. [volume] (Coalville, Utah) 1894-1923, 1900-04-27

II is estimated that 5000 marrial
are daily performed throughout
world.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1900-07-15
Hymn book titl,. have changed . heap since l

Hymn book titles have changed a heap since l
simply Ne W ;SIn. Dame ssa i IssG.t he one sg SDts *, o TSsy
az who should say: Thou art the man..
Kindly tIrn, to the nyleaf Of the book; Ser
s Ssss9' II. s1 nsm sl. sf;h,I Tu r. Flank Svsr Pr RfoS S%i1a:
his card case the prisoner handed out his caro-.
and supplemented It with several isl.ers aa %
p pr"sse' his '" ia a,%iiisl'' IN nh SSsln %ss se" tones the
DO YOU Still wish to make a charge Against
ls's i Slosr".s from 15 s's tSs @Ss Z cHP Of q Iae mar.
No. mol" cried the two deacOns, hastily, ana
mnttered something about having made u
mistake.
Then I shall discharge him"
HE used bad language put in, the police
man. unwilling TO lose u case which mlgns gee
a % ch '%re ~ sa ,n~ P RIS for that.
You 40 back TO your beat and mind your
business" said the. sergeant sharply., -iou
ought 6at 4 tit Re T' r." rdl iSs ss,s D and g. N, Ss't church
delegation was about to follow unostentatiousiy
when Blank asked them to wait a moment;
II have been actually under arrest haven't
Certainly YOU have, said that onnoial. and
,.r And false arrest is a matter for damages
i've hoard o, such things" said the SER
geant. grinning. -
Immediatnly tho church delegation began
% apologize most afluently-solo. duo. trio
and luartette. and kept II up for five minutes.
The fact that a man accepts an apology
wouldn't act against his bringing a damage SUIT
against tha church. would it?" inquired the
erstwhile prisoner of the sergeant
Don't see why 1t should. replied the chuck
ling sergeant. A.
Very we'll. gentlemen said Blank to his
a~ccusers. Il accept your APOLOGIZE TO some OK
tent But Id like to say a few things to you
Outside they went and In the clean. soft
summer air Blank said things TO those church
men that caused them 10 gasp ana CULVER,
He took for his. text the divtsion OF the species
fool into plain fools. fools raised to be the second
power. and fools rairad TO the third power,
md pointed cut TO hts hearers Just wherein
they belory 10 all three classifcations,
Whenever they interpOAed threats to call hun
10 account for his language he suggested q
damage suit and they bleated like so much
mutton. II has been n hard experience Tor
Blank. but he considers that that ten minutes
NJ oratory inst bout made up for the indiRnitIcs
heaned uron' him. When he finally closed
in an inspired hurst a great peace was on his
soul The retiring church members as they
departed in q body looked crtnRinRly behind
them from time to time as II they were afraid
that n swift kick might sneak up In the rear
and take them unawnres.
It's a GOOD thing for that church. says
Blank. that he is tnlerably prosperous. for
" he needed the money hn would have a lovely
caso a0ains' II. Meantime Il Is comforting
to him 10 know that II ut my time he should
wish to cmbrace a faith there is one church
in town ready 10 welcome him with open arms.
upon n simple treaty Of peace. b.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1900-07-15
BASEBALL TRICKS Nv JONES COUNTY.
Pitcher Had Gum on the Ball to Make Il Curve
and Shortstop Wore . Fly Paper Glove.

You may talk about the sweeping curves and
the parabolic shoots Of present-day baseball
pitchers" said the fat man who was at one time
mascot for the Lightfoot Lilies of Jones county,
but there isn't one Of EN- that could have held
n candle to old Dean Braley the last season he
did the twirling for the famous Ringtail Roarers.
He'd probably be In the business now II the
Iightfoot Lilies hadn't exposed his tricky
methods in their annual game with the Roarers
that summer. The funny part OF IL was that
the season before he couldn't pitch anything
but n straight ball and even the high school
teams used to touch him up for a dozen hits or
SO every game. As for us We smothered him.
But the very next season he blossomed out
with those wonderful curves. Why. a visitor
to town said that in one game he saw, Braley
pitched an outcurve so close to the plate that
the batter struck at it.. The bali kept right on
curvinR .until II came around toward frat base
and caught the runner mapping. The next ball
pitched WINS an inshoot which only not drew
another strike on the batter. but which curved
around to third ba1c and caught a runner there,
The catcher. according To the visitors story,
wasn't really needed. but played In the field
JUS, TO Ill out the batting list,
down o., hot-aIr fund contributions. but We
knew that there must be some foundation in the
reports mat braley was pitching very slick
baseball. And right We were. When the big
game came along he put II all over Us and for
eight innings NOT one Of us touched first ex-
cent the first baseman when he was In the field.
Bull Thompson, Home Bun Hawkins and even
Capt. Slugger Burrows himself were all At
BrGley's mercy. They struck nj outs they
couldn't reach; they let ms go by that shot over
the plate, in fact they did everything but con-
meet with the ball. Then came the fatal ex-
pos're in the ninth. Little Sanrmic Salmon.
the first man up for us. fell Dat on his face 10
dodge the first ball pitched. but IL curved square
over the rubber for a strike. The next one was
one of Braley's slow change balls, aud Sammie
held his bat out TO bunt. Thud. You can i'm
asine his surprise when he started for first to
find the ball stuck fast TO the end Of his bat.
Dean Brnley made a rush for him. but the boys
held him back and the secret wa out. The
Roarer's pitcher had been sticking chewing
gum on HE ball and the extra twist ohtainnble
made his wonderful curves possible. The
umpire, Of course. forfeited tho game to the
Lilies. 90. But that wasn't the end, The
Ronrers had discovered that Capt, Slugger
Burrows wore a fy-paper nit AZ shortstop and
although the most ignorant child knows that
hy-paper IL made for catching flea. the umpire
give the game 10 them also. making the score
n tie at %. What followed is beat left untold
A. the Jones County Courier said. II was a game
Of forfcits with the kissing left out
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1900-07-15
another instance in which the work Of the prsss

another instance In which the work Of the prsss
agent failed to accomplish anything.
II don't believe that any manager IN the
businese to-day has any clear idea a.. TO- the
value Of publicity. That Il Undoubtedly help
faiks to make them successfui In itself, seems
10 be the best opinion OF the managers to-day.
II used TO be the belief Of the managers that
publicity was almost equal to making the
actor from every point OF view. and IA that could
he best done by the expert press agent, we wer"
accordingly very much more appreciated IN ~ 9
past than We ARE to-day. ri admit that the Old
confidence in the great power Of publicity, t2r
actors seems to me now to have been q little
exaggerated. :,
"Son,ethinn moro than mere knowledge OF
an actor il needed to attract the public to hear
him. What that particular thing Ia nobody can
tell. The manager who discovered it would
never make n mistake. His fortune would he
made II he could fnd ont why A draws and why
B doesn't. That il the great problem OF the
managers career. And. unfortunately ne mas
come 10 the conclusion that the press agent has
no more 20 do with IL than he hos: And this
conclusion. was Of course very bad for US
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1900-07-15
Trains Delayed BY TarantuIas,

and tnrantulas have made their appearance In
SUI h mum ere ut Iguala and other points on the
Mexico. kuernavaca and Pacific Railroad as to
interf re with the operation OF that line aud tho
trans 'ctk n Of other business, So many ~ the
tralnnen have been bitten by the poisonous in
secis that the running Of trains is delayed. AZ
mun,cipal authoritIe, for the killing OF tho
pests, and hundreds Of men and boys are ern.
ployed ii In ~slnughtering them. $50 u.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1900-07-15

hlNt " vi thlu IOiHt - TcNTUtu. Inc DhsI
advertised woman on the stCee to-day is. a
certain beautiful comic opera singer. For
the past ten years she has been, known by name
t dns Country SsS" 'iSa,s%' s any s other woman 81 sne / R Knows ~ y
4 friend Of mine told me that in a lumber
camp far from any railroad in,~. IN a forest
two pictures. were hanging. Ope was Of this
woman and the other OF the Virgin Mary. Now
II notoriety In itself had any valth' that woman
man or m on the American stage could
expect to" attract. But A. q matter Of fact.
she has for some years past failed TO draw the
Of her managers. She was tried 10 oil kinds Of
comic operas. Thousands OF dollars were
spent In the effort to sttr act the public. Fail
tIsed woman retired from the public view as
a star and took her place with a numbor Of
other singers and actors in astock company, .
last " vesr in he he Grand II nd opera opera f fieid. "aAs " oerTnin
star, who has been associated always in tho
public mind with a certain very popular opera,
travelled for the first time through a number
Of Western cities. The expectation OF, the
managers was that II would he necessary only
o. announce this woman,s name on tie ornd
walls TO have the public flock into the theatre.
But quite the opposite happened in a number
ofrlaces. The public knew nil about the woman
and Ind heard her name for years. But II dill
not exhibit any great desire to pay lis way to
often befalen managers who have expected
that a singer, because he or she was well known.
wa. certain 20 draw large audiences
The public Is sometimes quite indifferent.
On the other hand. IT is largely tho curiosity
seekers who 90 TO hear Paderewski although
be H. Justly. accounted the greatest pianist Of
bis time. Yet II only those who understood
and appreciated his music went TO hear him
his audiences would not be one quarter as large
m they are outside Of New York. For years
actors are mentioned in the newspapers and
become moderately we'll known by name.
Yet that publicity does them little or no good
with the public. One Of the best-known comic
opera stars In the country retired from that con-
spicuous position several months ago because
the public was no longer going 10. see him. Yet
he IL to-day one OF the very best-known men on
tho American stage, and his notoriety failed
b attract the public completely. That was
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1900-08-17
THE DROUGHT BROKEN.
The Rain Storm Last Night Pretty General
Over the State.

The terrible drought that has prevailed
in North Carolina was broken last night
by thunder storm that seemed to be
general throughout the State.
The thunder here was very heavy for
several hours and the wind was blowing
a gale about the time the rain began to
fall. On the coast from Wilmington to
Norfolk the storm was very severe and
fears were entertained for shipping
around Hatteras.
But TO North Carolina the storm
brought great blessing-a break in the
drought that has been scorching and de-
stroying crops. For the past week the
loss to the farmers of North Carolina
has aggregated many thousand of dollars
a day. In some sections crops are prac-
tically ruined, and it is feared that the
rain has come too late to do them much
good.
The storm brought another blessing in
a rapid and welcome lowering of the tenn
perature. All day long the most intense
heat had beat down upon the streets
sending the mercury in the thermometer
up until it lacked only one of registering
a hundred in the shade at the Weather
Bureau. On the streets, nearer the
ground, the thermometers stood at 1O5
and 100 and man and beast sought shade
wherever it could be found.
The official record of thermometer at
the Weather Bureau during the day was:
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1900-08-17
PERSONALS.

Mr. r. B. Raney went to Durham
yesterday.
Mr.. W. B. Snow went to Wake For
est yesterday.
Mr.. Herbert f. Norris has returned
from Pittsboro.
Capt. c. NJ. Cooke went to Duplin
county yesterday
Judge w. r. Allen spent yesterday
in the city on legal bsines.
Mr.. Jesse Carter, Jr., of Carthage,
spent yesterday in the city.
Misses Mary and Sophy Lawrence,
of Wake Forest, are in the city.
Mrs. j. f. Sharp left yesterday TO
visit friends at ScOttsville, West va.
Miss Maude Norris, of Apex, IS VS.
ting Mrs. H. T. Norris, of this city
Mrs Alex j. Fields and children
left Yesterday to visit relatives IN OX-
| II I'd
Mrs. +. S. Lancaster and children
are visiting friends in Louisburg.
Mr.. f. p. Haywood, Jr., left yester-
dav on a trip North to spend his va
cation.
Mrs. w. NJ. Russ and children have
retrned from visit to Seven Springs
and Greenville.
Mrs. b. ID. Haskell, of Greenville,
who visited relatives here, returned to
her home yesterday.
Rev. j. w. Jenkins and family who
have been spending the summer in
the Western part of the State, have
returned to the city
Mrs. Tucker and Miss Susie Tucker,
who have been absent from the city
some time on visit to friends, re-
turned Yesterday
Mrs. r. f. l.. Bunch, Master Robt.
Bunch. Mrs. l.. J Dupree and Master
Frederick Dupree, who have been Wis
iting relatives in the city, left for
Washington yesterday.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1900-08-17

During the civil war as we'll as in our
late war with Spain, diarrhoea was one of
the most troublesome diseases the army
had to contend with. In many instances
it became chronic and the old soldiers
still suffer from it. Mr.. David Taylor
of Wind Ridge, Greene Co., Pa, is one
of these. He uses Chamberlain's Collie,
Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy and says
he never found anything that would give
him such quick relief. 1t is for sale
everywhere. BobbittW ynne Drug Co.
end H. 7. Hicks. Druggists, Raleigh.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1900-08-17
RED HOT FROM THE GUN

Was the ball that hit G. B. Steadman,
of Newark, Mich, in the Civil War. 1t
caused horrible Ulcers that no treatment
helped for 20 years. Then Bucklen' S
Arnica Salve cured him. Cures Cuts,
Bruises, Burns, Boils, Felons, Corns,
Skin Eruptions. Best Pile cure on earth.
25 cents a box. Cure guaranteed. Sold
by all Druggists.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1900-08-17
THE WEATHER TO-DAY.

For North Carolina-Generaliy
fair Friday and Saturday; light TO
fresh southwesterly. winds.
Local forecast for Raleigh and Vi
cinity to p. m. Friday; fair.
Local data for Raleigh yesterday:
Maximum temperature, 90; minimum
temperature, 73; mean temperatre,
Sc. Total rainfall @ inches.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1900-08-17

Millions will be spent in politics this
year. We can't keep the campaign 60
ing without money any more than we
can keep the body vigorous without food
Dyspeptics used to starve themselves.
Now Kodol Dyspepsia Cure digests what
you eat and allows you to eat all the
good food you want. 1t radically cures
stomach troubles. Bobbitt and Wynne
Ssug Co., W. H. King. VIM. Siml son.