Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-02-27

dispIayed, he walked in and asked what
they sold there. My good fellow" said
the money-changer, we sell asses
man, land a good sale you must have
too There seems to be only one left in
the shop
An old Scotch farmer was lying on
what he thought was his deathbed. He
began to give orders to his wife about his
the Newcastle (Eng.) Chronicle. His
wife, knowing that he was not dying,
paid but little attention to his requests,
and this so enraged the farmer that he
rose up on his elbow and cried out:
What need l speak; there'h be naeth.
ing dune RIGHT unless I'm there myself.
His WIFE patting him on the shoulder.
replied: '.Toots. man, Bauldy! Keep
yer min easy; ye'll be the principal man
there"
''Are you fond of books?'' he asked,
in careless way; but he was watching
her narrowly. "Oh, yes, | love books
ing," she answered. "Have. you read
SCOTS Lady of the Lake," 1t is
perfectly lovely And his 'Marmion?'
1T is exquisite grand." \ faint sus-
picion was dawning upon him How
do you like SCOTS Emulsion? he
u,
think it is the loveliest thing that was
ever written.
Ethel said Jack Smart, as he placed
his arms around his wife and looked
down into her eyes, Il have Il confession
to make TO you, and | want you to prom
Use before | begin it that YOU will forgive
me-.
A wild fear took possession of her
She placed little white hand upon her
heart. and would nave fallen if her nus
band had not held her up. Her face be-
came Evid, and she could only gasp;
Tell me-tell me the worst
Il did q man out of q cool hundred
today" he said. Il confess | took adj
vantage of him, but | trust my darling
will make allowances in view Of the sore
temptation
The color came back into her cheeks,
her lips parted in Il glad, sweet smile,
she rested her head against his breast,
and looking fondly up into his eyes, said:
"Oh. Jack, dear, how YOU frightened me!
| thought YOU were going to tell me that
ven had kissed some horrid WOMAN
Golfers Weekly.
Sir said a fierce lawyer. do you. on
your oath, swear that this is not your
handwriting?
L think not was the cool reply
Does is resemble your writing?''
Il can't say it does" the witness con
tinued, calmly.
DO you swear that it does not resem-
BILE your writing!'
L do
DO you take oath that this writing
does not resemble yours?''
Yes, sir.
Now, how do you know
Cause | can't write. "-TitBits
Evidence: What makes you think
they are engaged:" well. at Christmas
he gave her some parlor furniture. and
she gave him a set of dishes. Elk.
A Local Yarn-Stubb-''Have you
ever noticed how long il takes the serv-
ants on the north side to answer the door
bells! Penn-"Yes, and | heard Il good
story about that the other day How
heartless mother wrapped her baby i'll Il
newspaper and placed it Oh the doorstep
of a north side residence. Then she
touched the bell and disappeared. When
the servant did come she found the baby
sitting cross-legged reading the sporting
Six.
Eve made a great mistake said Col.
Stilwell: "a great mistake" I'm what
rcspect?' ''In trying to run this affair
~ IL A0h'oOn! "l'AiouC Z" p1coS tCiiSoI'
Washington Star.
-:O:
There is such q thing as being alto
gether too clever"
~ on think sou
L know it. l was walking along the
street yesterday when | noticed t. note
lying on the pavement | stopped to pick
it up; but it looked like a counterfeit, SO
| passed on
And the note turned out to be good
one, Of course?'
No, it did not: but I was arrested he-
fore | had gone ten steps further"
Arrested? What for?'
For passing counterfeit money"