The Saint Paul globe., 1900-04-29

they'll be mountains iv infant food an
canned prunes an pickle castors an
pants an boots an shoes an paintin's
They'll be all tn wonders iv modhern
science. Ye can see how shirts ar-re
made an what gives life to tn sody
fountain. Th' man that makes tn glue
that binds III be wearin' more medals
thin an officer iv tn English ARMY or
a ctnchry bicycle rider, an years afther
Whin We see a box iv soap ven think iv
tn manufacturer standin' up before
100000 frinZied Fr-rinchmen in tn Boss du
Bolcney while tn prisidint iv tn Fr-rlnch
places goold wreath on his fair brow an
says: In tn name iv tn ar-rts an SCI
ence, undher tn motto iY our people
Libertinity. insanity, an frugality." I
crown We tn champeen soapmaker ty til
Wurruid. (Cheers.) Be ye'er magnificent
invintion ye have dhrawn closer tn ties
between Paris an Goshen, Indyanny
Granite applause). which hope will niver
be washed away. l wish ye much sue
cess as ye climb tn latner Iv fame Th'
fnvintor is thin dhrawn ar-roun' tn
sthreetS iV Paris in q chariot pulled be
eight white horses amid cries iv -Veey
Higgins 'Abase Castillo ct cethra firm
tn populace. An nanny heart beats
proud in Goshen that night That's tn
way We think iv 1t. but it happens diff
f'rent, Hinnissy. Tn soap king. th' prune
won't stir up amy tumult in Paris this
year. Tn chances ar-re tn prisid1nt
won't know they're there, an no wan'lI
speak to thin but cab dhriver an he'll
say: 'Th fare firm tn Chang All Easy
to tn Roo de Roo is $1,000 francs, but I'll
take We there FIR what ye have In yeer
pockets
9Th millyonaire that goes over there
to see tn piled up riches iv tn wurruld
in sausage-makin' II take look ar-round
him an he'll say to tn first polisman he
meets: 'Gcssoon. this is fine show an
L know yon palace Is full to tn seams
with chinyware an Washtubs, but wud
ye be so kind, mCng brav, as to pint OUT
With yeer club tn pdrticlar house where
tn houris firm tn sultan's harem dances
so well without TIL aid iv tn human feetr
L know how it was whin we had tn fair
here. I had tn best intintions In tn
wurruld to find out what / ought to have
learned firm me frind Armour, how with
tn aid iv gawdgiven machinery ye can
make a bedstead. a pianola, a dozen
Whiskbrooms, barrel iy sour mash whis-
ky. a suit iv clothes, a lamp chlmbly. a
wig, can fv gunpowdher, a bah'rI iv
nails, pr1Sidintial platform, an bur-rd-
cage out tv what remains iv tn cow
was determined Ito probe into tn won
dhers iv science an 1 started fair f'r tn
machinery hall Where did I bring I'D.
house with me eye glued on lady iv tn
sultan's court, near Brooklyn bridge,
thryin' to twist out iv hersilf
mo. Hinnissy. they'll be NANNY things
larned be Americans that goes to Paris.
but they won't be about tn convarsion
iv boots into food. or vieey varsa, as
Hogan says. Az that's fright If
wint over there It's little time I'd be
spindin' thryin' to discover how tn won
dhers iv mechanical JANUS are projooced
that makes livin' so much more healthy
an comfortable. But whin I got to Paris
I'd hire me a hack or a dhray painted
fred an I'd put me feet out tn sides an
I'd say to tn dhriver: 'Rfvilutionist, pint
yeer horses head lords tn home iv tn
skirt dance, hit him sEnartiy an go to
sleep. l will see tn snow-plow show an
tn deTtisthry wurruk in tn. pa-apers.
FIR tn prisint I'll devote me attintion to
maxim noise in tn sthreets an study
in human nature" Aa
Ye'd be lively OF buck over there"
said Mr.. Hennessy, admiringly. '''Tis a
good thing We can't co.
"It is So" said Mr.. Dooiey I'm glad
l have no millyonaire rflitives to be de-
pinden1 on me FIR support whin tn shows
over"