Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-10-31
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Irish cook Ito milkman)-"WhAt
makes you come SO early of late? You
used to be behind before."-Life.
May-"Algy and Pamela had a fall
Ing out last night" Clarence-"What
was the cause" Maya hammock"
Harlem Life.
Pretty big: "Blowhard has big
opinion of himself" "How bigf"
well, he's beginning to Imagine he's
annoyed by camera fiends."-Puck.
Mother lat the door)--If you children
are not quiet in five minutes you will
have to 60 to bed. Small Voice after q
pausc)-What time is 1t now?-Judge.
did he gain anything by his visit to
the Paris Exposition?" Yes; he says
he gained better appreciation OF the
Chicago Worlds Chicago Post.
Sister-ln-law-"H How like his father
the baby Isl" Mother-"He's certainly
like him in some ways. He generally
keeps me up half the night!'- Punch.
Nlmrod-"Pat. did you ever catch
frogs?" Pat-"Faitli, an OF did, SIR"
Nlmrod- What did you bait withi"
Pat" Begorry, OF bate 'em with .
shtick. Chicago News.
on His Mind: Didn't you feel dread
fully when you lost your gold-headed
umbrellaY" NO; I'd expected to lose 1t
for SO long that was glad when 1t was
gone."-Chicago Record.
"Your Uncle Toms Cabin seems like
abrand-new play" "Of course; we've
fixed 1t up SO Eliza crosses the ice on
an automobile, chased by a lot OF Box
ers. "-Detroit Free Press.
Provision for the future: Mrs. Bon
ney-"Six motherless children. you say7
And can't you find work? 2" Tramp
"Oh, they're not old enough for that
yet, ma'am. Brooklyn Life.
Did 1t with a slam: II am willing to
do anything" said the applicant for
work. "All right" said the hard-heart-
ed merchant; please close the door be-
hind you when you go out" Somer-
vile Journal.
Might Have Been Worse: TOO bad,
old man, about your wife running
away. "Oh, 1t might have been worse.
wonder that she did not take me
along to look after her trunks."-In-
dianapolis Press.
He helped him out: "And your step
father told you to get out into the
world and earn your own living? He
should have given you helping hand."
HE gave me a helping foot."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
In Memoriam: 81 presume you carry
a memento of some kindSin that locket
of yours" Precisely; it is a lock OF
my husbands hair" "But your hns-:
band is still alive" Yes; but his hair
is all gone."-Tit-Bits
Safe: Mrs. Won Blumer-"Dear, dear.
dropped my diamond ring off my fin
ger this morning, and cannot find 1t
anywhere" Won Blumer-"It's all
fright; came across 1t In one Of my
trousers pockets. Bazaar.
Vocal Possibilities: do you think,
professor said a unsteady ambitious
youth, that can ever do anything
with my volce?" Well" was the eau
tious reply, Ut may come in handy to
holler with in case Of fire." Answers.
Are you old enough to voter asked
the tourist in North Carolina. II dunno
erzackly what my age is. boss" replied
the colored man; "but I kin tell you dis:
allus was old enough to know better
dan to try to vote. "-Washington Star.
A Peaceful Exit: ibid you have any
words with your mistress which caused
you to leave your last place ~ ''Niver
bathroom. and TUX all me things. and
shipped out as quiet as yez phase. -
Bazaar. :
College Student How did you come
to lose the game? Captain Varsity
Nine-Why, their pitcher and catcher
had set of signals that we couldn't
possibly understand or get on to; they
kept calling out to each other in Latin,
you know!
Its shape: What is the shape of q
ship going to pieces on stern and rock
bound constr" asked Gaswell Of Du-
kane. Very bad shape. should say;
what shape would you call tit" "A
wrecktangle" Pittsburg Chronicle
| Telegraph.
"You told me to come and begin work
today" said the new boy. "Oh, yes
replied the druggist, you may begin
by catching flies and putting them on
those sheets of Sure Catch Fly Paper
4 we're displaying in the window
Philadelphia Press.
"Why do they have those glass cases
with the AK. hammer, crowbar, etc. In
on these cars. asked traveller on the
railroad going to New York. ooh,
those are put there to use in case any
one wants window open" replied the
facetious man.-Yonkers Statesman.
Artless Thing: Charming Maiden
Then they went to Woozey's, did they I
All, that's delightful place. When q
friend asks me to go to Woozey's
know he must think an awful lot Of me
for they serve the most elaborate and
expensive luncheons in the city. Help
less Youth-Let's go to Woozey's. Misa
Quickstep.-Chicago Tribune.
Father (meanlngly)-W Who is the lnxi'
est boy in your class, Tommy Tommy
Il don't know, pa. Father-I should
think you would know. When all thu
others are industriously studying Of
writing their lessons, who Is 1t sits idly
in his seat and watches the rest, instead
of working himself? Tommy-The
teacher.-Glasgow Evening Times.
Mafeking's Famous Ape. s.
Mafpking'S anp TINT famous ANNA