Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1900-11-05
HUMOROUS.

"Pa, why do they call it cold cash'T
Because people have habit of freez-
ing to it. l guess"
MY wife," boasted the happy young
Benedict, sis an open book to me-"
Mine, too" declared the old married
man. II can't shut her up"
Amicus-So you have another baby
at your house. What is he like?
interesting, but he is mighty, convinc-
ing.
Didn't the quiet in the country be-
come monotonous to your" "Quier?
every night and chase cows off the
porch"
II wonder why they don't name one
of the new ships the Mayfower"
What for?" "Why, so that future
generations can say their ancestors
came over on it."
Little Jim, how can you rush
around and play SO hard in hot wealth
err" "Aw, ma, 'taint hot at all; me
an Tommy Tibhs has bin a-playin'
camp-out in n blizzard"
The meanest man up to date Is
Sniftkins. He sold Jones a half IN
terest In a COW, and then refused to
divide the milk, maintaining that
Jones owned the front end.
Nodd-Are you going to take your
servants with you camping out? Todd
If l can get them to. l want to get
even with them for all the discom-
forts they have caused me. g.
She-Of course, you have heard Of
the theory that Bacon wrote Shakes
peare's play? Cholly-Aw-yes saw
the idea is that Shakespeare was Ba-
cons nom de plume, is it not?
Now" said the new reporter,
handing in his copy what shall l
write about?" II think" said the
editor, after glancing at the stuff,
marchw
Miss Johnson-Did he take it hard
when yo' refused him? Miss Jack
son-Yo' bet he took 1t
hard. He started row an l hit him
wifi flat-iron, stove-lifter an a
rollin'-pin-
you've given up swimming, haven't
your "Yes. / don't mean to cult
vate talent that will put me In a
position some time where the drown
ing fellow who can't swim will be
sure to drag Inc UNDER
"Pa, why do they formally notify
man that he is nominated for presid-
ent?" "Well, mainly. l think, SO that
he can't get up after he fails to be
elected In November and VOW he
wasn't In politics at ALL"
She (after discharging the new
servanO-I wonder why they call the
place where these girls come from an
Intelligence Officer" There doesn't
seem to any there. He-There must
be some there, for none ever comes
out of it
ing the same rights as men? Sluggs-
Yes, 1 do. There was one stood in
front of where l sat in car today
and tramped all over my feet, and II
she'd been man l would have hit
her one, sure.
"You told me to come and begin
work to-day" said the new boy. "Oh,
yes," replied the druggist you may
begin by catching flies and putting
them on these sheets of Sure Catch
Flypaper,' we're displaying in the
window"
"Well that's great" WHATS great?"
"Our Chinese laundryman has put his
prices up on account Of the war In
China" "How's that?" why, he
says he has to be paid for the time he
waists telling people what he thinks
Of it."
~The hostess is lovely woman and
she gave us fine dinner. But why
did she seem in such q nervous hurry?
Really, It was the swiftest feed / ever
sat down to-" "Then you didn't know
her before she married Bixby?' NO
"She used to be q waitress in q quick
service dairy lunch"
Observing the manager of the drug
department the woman accosted Hun.
In spirit of badinage. II have klepto-
MANIA" SIT said. 'What would you
advise me to take?" "The elevator,
by all meansw said the manager wit
tily. "And not something just as
good?" exclaimed the woman affect
ing great surprise.