The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-11-17
The GoId-Headed Umbrella.

/ Of the family prepared them for It IN
/ advance
Il suppose, my dear" he said 10 his
wife the day before bill" was due
that William viii be a rough diamond
! When the Edwards girls got q glimpse
/ OF their cousin as he stamped into the
front hall they were certain about the
( roughness, and were even inclined to
1 question whether the diamond might not
/ be paste rather than genuine.
! "Bill had evidently not enjoyed a
shave for some days before he left the
I Bad Knob country 10 seek his fortune
/ in Chicago He was chewing tobacco
! HIS SLOUGH hat was faded to a soft
/ greenish brown and was frescoed with
/ grease spots He wore trousers the two
! legs Of which were never intended 10 be
mates, and his coat was extremely short
} and shiny His boots were deeply wrink-
/ led and covered with dust. He wore a
! blue checked shirt and q white paper
collar Innocent of tie but guilty Of sun
dry stains and spots. In the button
hole Of the collar sparkled a large prize
/ package button finished in green brass.
/ Cousin "BlTs" manners were as in
1 formal as MS raiment- He made the Ed
4 wards family feel at home at once. He
I put his feet on the library table. Insisted
on kissing the girls good night and gave
/ q performance at the dinner table which
was startling in the extreme. When he
! finally retired for the night the Edwards
/ family heaved a collective sigh OF relief
] and apprehension.
20, we'll" said Mr.. Edwards cheerful
/ ly, at viii only take a few months in
the city to civilize him. He'll be a diff
ferent fellow within six weeks"
With this slight ray of hope tinging
the black horizon of their fears Mrs
/ Edwards and the girls went to bed, only
! to dream of Cousin "Bfll' chewing to-
bacco in the drawing-rOom and kicking
over the Sevres vases with his cowhi6e
( boots
At the end of a month "BnP showed
no signs of Improvement that were visi-
bic to the naked eye Mr. Edwards
brought home most encouraging reports
Of his progress in a business way. He
had practically taken charge of the ship
ping department at the store and dis
played much ability in handling the pack
ers and getting the goods out on time
incidentally he had '1icked" big truck
man who objected TO his way Of doing
| business. But 50 far as his personal ap-
/ pearance went Bib was still incorrigi-
| ble. He shaved when his Wb' skers in
terfered with sleeping soundly, he never
BACKED his boots and stuck to his pecu-
liar ciithes with devotion worthy of q
| porous plaster. Through it all he main
tanned the calm and cheerful uncon-
seriousness of an infant. while the rest
Of the family suffered in silence
Finally Mr. Edwards took it upon him
self to give the young man some good
| advice. He began by complimenting him
upon the progress he had made at the
store, and then, as delcately as posi-
bic, went on to suggest that these new
| responsibilities made it necessary for
I !, ~ - ~.
way Of dress and personal appearance.
| "BHF' listened to it all in silence. and
thanked Mr.. Edwards for his kindness
| The Edwards girls backed Up their faith
er's appeal by working such proverbs as
clothes make the man" and leaving
them about where "BIl" would be sure
to see them In spite of all their ef-
! forts there was no Improvement. Bill
/ continued to do his work at the store IN
q way which excited the admiration Of
his superiors. He also continued to
shock all the refined instincts Of the Ed
wards family by his unCouth manners
and dress
The Edwards girls determined to try
the elevating Influence Of society and
association with young women. They
gave an evening party and babe "Biil"
be present as the guest Of honor. He
accepted the invitation with aIscrity,
appeared in his working clothes with his
black hair carefully plastered down on
his brow and was the only person pres
emit who was not IN the least embar-
raised He sat down IN the MUSHROOM,
put his feet on the piano stool, and
laughed so loudly at a fancy county
story told by himself that several nerv-
Gus young women almost went into hys-
terra.
So the weeks went by and "Bilrs"
clothes finally reached a stage where It
seemed necessary to adopt heroic mas
ures "Bill' was told as tactfullv as
possible that he must get new suit.
He obeyed orders. lie came home one
night wearing an outfit that would have
made the fortune of a low comedian. IN
texture it resembled a laprobe with the
smallpox, and in color it was modelled
after a cake of notified CASTLE soap.
kne Of the trousers legs had been am
putated below the knee, and the coat
was suffering from an enlargement or
the shoulder blades. After one glimpse
of "Bins' new suit the Edwards family
gave It up. BIZ was evidently IN
tended as permanent infection. They
would do the best they could ander tbs
circumstances and make no further ef-
fort to accomplish the impossible.
Then, just when the dark clouds Of de-
spair seemed to have settled down for
good over the Edwards family, a bright
CLEAN Of hope lighted no the horizon.
At first 1t seemed too good to be true
Then suddenly it widened until from
nadir 10 zenith ali was light. IN the
short sDace Of two months "Bill" was
transformed into Mr. William Clarence
Edwards, with his name engraved on
steel his feet incassd IN patent leather,
and his garments the sartorial model for
q large section OF the South Side
Most people VIII jump 10 the concIu-
sion that q girl was responsible for this
wonderful transformation scene As
matter OF fact a girl had nothing to do
with II. An accidental umbrella was
the cause Of 1t al
The Edwards family have q rich uncle
who lives In New York Each rear he
sends a Christmas box containing pres
ents for all his nephews and nieces. This
year he had happened 20 hear that "Bl-"
was q new addition to the family Ac-
cordingly "BiIFs" name went on the
Christmas list, and when the box was
opened among the other gifts was found
a dua gold-headed. SILK umbrella with
William C. Edwards engraved I'm
fancy script on the handle TIE New
York uncle was a man $50 bought the
best Of everything when It came 20
Christmas presents, and, aCc0rdlnEiF.
the new umbrella was a most Impressive
piece Of furniture Tire silk was heavy
and lusirous. the stick was o. some rare
wood and the head was g massive and
heavy crook Of gold. Bins" previous
experience With umbrellas had been exc
tTenely limited He had always eo1e
on the principle that rain vas cslcu-
lated to make both vegetao e. and boys
grow faster The mere feel = The new
umbrella IN his hand oppressed him. But
Il was by far the rsrest and most valu-
able az his possessions AID Be felt fro
duty bound 20 carry e. The first nfTht
VIXEN h. came rome from Tie store IL
was noticed with a shock u surprise