Indian chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1882-1902, 1900-11-29

hitter Jokes ana Facstious sayings
In the very Face Of Ne
structton.


Jests have been uttered in the most
apparently unlikely situations 'Vcs-
pasian died In Jest" writes Lord Ba-
con, and on sick beds, IN prisons and on
scaffolds the inveterate humorist has
given vent to witticisms. Don't send
me 10 0ravesend by water" pleaded
Hood, when his doctor recommended
hydropathic treatment; Sir Thomas
Moore's last utterance in n was jest.
"Don Quixote," with oil sane o Panza's
wit and humor, was composed in prig-
on. IL is not, therefore, surprising,
that there should be instances Of jests
made amid the horrors OF war. Sieges
appear TO have frequently furnished
material for witticisms, generally ut.
t,rtd by the besieged, who may have
resorted to testing as a means OF keep
ing up their falling spirits; as the late
beleaguered garrison at Mafeking or
ganized loan exhibitions and needle
work competitions. 10 must be con-
fessed that the jests uttered by the
holders of beleaguered fortress were
often more sarcastic than courteous,
sometimes even taking the form Of ac-
tual insult to their foes; as in the case
when, in the eleventh century, the citi-
zens Of Alencon, besieged by William
the Conqueror, hung out raw hides over
their walls with the inscription; More
work for the tanners son"--in con-
temptuous allusion 20 the parentage Of
williams mother, Arlotta, whose IA
ther was a tanner, says the London
Globe.
In 1643, when Waller, the parlia'
mentary general, besieged Arundel
castle, the cavalier garrison not only
responded TO his summons OF surren-
der by a fiat defiance, but, in denial Of
their alleged land actuaD want OF pro-
visions, hung out a white flag at Christ
mas, and "under cover Of this parley
called some OF our men and gave them
letters directed to our general, in which
they desired sack, tobacco, cards and
dice TO be sent to them, 10 make them
merry at this idle time, promising to
return us for them beef and mutton;"
q request Waller characterized as very
bold and insolent." The insinuation
that the pious parliamentary army was
so much better supplied with "cards
and dice" than were the traditionally
"debooshed" cavaliers was doubtless
sore offense TO the staid parliamentary
general, more especially as he addsi
eve know them (the garriSon) TO be in
truth hunger-bitten and lacking wa
ter"
A yet more contemptuous jest was
made upon besiegers by the famous
Black Agnes, corntess Of March, when
defending the Castle Of Dunbar against
its English assailants m 1898. During
the siege the countess and her maids
frequently appeared upon the town
walls armed with cloths, with which
they ostentatiously wiped the spots
where the huge stones cast by the enc
my's machine fell, as though the only
Injury these could do was to raise q
little dust. Irritated by this contempt
uous treatment, the earl Of Salisbury,
then commanding the English forces,
brought to the assault machine then
known as a "sow," from the resem-
blance Of its shape 20 hogs back
q strongly constructed timber erection,
which, being thrust close 10 the walls
OF town or fortress, protected party
Of soldiers beneath IL, who could then
attack the wall with mining tools.
Beware. Montagow.
For farrow shall they SOW,
Cried out tn derisive countess as the
machine approached, and at the same
moment a huge fragment OF rock was
dropped from the walls upon the ma
chine, which was almost crushed by
fits weight. Behold the litter of Eng
lish pigsl" cried the countess as the
surviving soldiers fed from the ruins
Of the machine. The earl of Salisbury
could jest in turn. Riding one day
within sight of the walls OF Dunbar in
company with another knight, the lat
ter waSfatally struck by - arrow from
the battlements. THAT is one of the
countess love tokens" remas! !sed Sails
bury as his companion FELL; I'VE see
that Black Agnes love shafts pierce to
the heart
A somewhat ill-natured jest upon the
umidity of her male companion was
uttered by Countess Won Noss to Gen.
Won Koclsritz as they followed the king
and queen of Prussia in their flight be-
fore Napoleon in 1907. The countess
and the general were delayed upo1
their Journey by the bad weather, ane
the latter several times expressed his
fears lest they should be overtaken by
the French and be possibly masEacred
or at the least made prisoners"
"Well, at least, they will only TAKE
two old women prisoners" exclaimed
the countess, impatiently. Eloquent
and impassioned addresses have beer
made to their men by leaders of battles
on sea and land, but an old admiral oi
Nelson's time is said 10 have uttered
brief but pithy ''hortation," as LorC
Bacon calls II, TO his sailors before th'
bautle Of the Nile. "My lads" he re
mArked, pointing 10 the shore, ''you se'
yonder the land OF Egypt. Well, II yol
dan't fight like devils you'll soon flint
yourselves in the house Of bondage"
TABLE CHINA.