Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-03-10
CRISP
Climbed the Pole.
Bet Cigars That He
Could do 1t.
Not Very Dignitied Act
For Commissioner,
But He Won the Bet, lust the
Same.
Something About the Gymnasium al
City Hall.

To all appearances, it was n very
quiet afternoon in Akron. The sur
was beaming generously, and those per
sons not actively engaged in the per
formance of some work were feeling
particularly lazy in honor of the first
nice day of spring. Now and then the
ennui of the idlers would be temporar
lily dissipated by the occasional GLAD
whinny of a city horse in mOckery OF
the silent voice of the electric gong OF
the decrepit automobile patrol, or the
incidental utterance of cuss- WORD
here or theresas carriage rolled by
and stirred up the miasma- -impregnat
ed dust on the street.
No one dreamed that there was any
thing unusual taking place in this city
little did anyone think that the Board
OF City Commissioners was face tt
face with destiny; that a member OF
that august body had been called OH tc
perform parliamentary function that
. would either vouchsafe the perpetuity
of ,Akron's municipal government, or in
case of failure in the performance
jeopardize the fair record of this proud
city! This was indeed function fol-
whose analyzing only the boiled-down
essences Of psychology, philosophy
logic and moral suasion could be ap-
piled with impunity! 1t was moment
to be endured only by hero! The
critical, the decisive hour had come;
and, oh, spirits of Franklin and Glad.
stone, why didst thou not look down
in sympathetic coincidence upon him
who was about to go into the arena
like Roman gladiator to struggle In
opposition to the robust effrontery of a
bold, bad challenger, who made mock
of the dignity of Akron?
There was Il solemn hush in the office
of the Board of City Commissioners
The members had just completed q
long and exhaustive discussion on n
subject vital TO every taxpayer in Ak
ron. IT related TO the different effects
of silicates and oleaginous foods upon
false teeth, and some very timely re-
marks were made ON various phases Of
the subject.
While the Commissioners were rest
ing from their scientific labors in the
interests OF this city, preparatory to
taking preliminary steps toward do
tern1ining the effects Of the night air
on the automobile patrol, someone On.
tered the Office, and III II manner in.
dicative Of his being diplomat from
n foreign country, offered to bet the
City Commissioners box of cigars
that no one on the Bcnrd could climb
to the top of the 15-foot iron poic.
which is one Of the supporters in the
Office. The banterer secured ladder
and after fastening the box of cigars
Mt the top of the pole, continued taunt-
ing the Commissioners. He declared
that they possessed no physical alac.
r.ty, and remarked that the citizens
of Akron must hnve been very stupid
to overlook such requisite faculty of
Intelligence and parliamentary saga
city.
why" said he,-and there was sar-
casm in his tone-''thc big black bears
in the pit know enough to climb pole
for an apple or peanut, and City
Commissioner who will not climb a
pole for good box of cigars is above
his business. why, just think of It.
Even savage, uncivilized tribes de.
lnanded some demonstration of physl-
cal worth when one of their number
aspired to a high. position. The Dig
ger Indians made candidates stand
with their bare feet on hot stove lids
and the braTe who stood longest on a
plate was given the coveted position.
The Aztec test Of a candidates mental
qualifications was to make him stand
on his head in the middle of the pub.
lie square for three hours, siderial
time, during which period he was to
deliver campaign speeches and tear
thunder out Of the retiring adminlstra.
tion."
Human nature could stand it no
longer!
Enough said! No bloomin' Digger
Indian, nor an uneducated Aztec, nor
yet also black bear ever did a great.
er, thing than is possible with him
whose name is John Crisp" These