Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1900-05-24

doux ever sent to convicted criminal.
The latest proof is accommodating volu-
minously at Chicago A school teacher
lit is not known that she is either
young or beautiful recently delivered
an address on why the Rate of Ce
libacy Among College-bred Women Is
So High" and gave, in partial explana-
ton Of her spinsterhood, the excellent
reason that he had never asked her."
He" in large quantities all over the
country, is seeking to make amends for
the delinquency. Thousands of pro-
posals of marriage have been received,
and the mail on the route of the maiden
who naively declared one reason of her
celibacy exceeds that of the starter of
an endless chain. 1t shows that men
are the greater number of the popula-
ton in the region of vanity and nom
sense. The women who display NOR
bid affection for a convicted criminal
Or worship at the shrine of matinee
idol have at least seen the object Of
their misdirected affections. The men
who propose to the Chicago school
marin know absolutely nothing Of her
except that she gave as one of many
reasons for being a celibate that she
had never been asked to marry. The
path that Is contrary to wisdom lead
ing to the hymeneal altar is not travelled
exclusively by the weaker sex.
Some years ago the ancient saw to
the effect that birds that can sing and
won't sing should be made to sing was
amended by adding, Birds that can't
sing and will sing should be sent to
Sing Sing" That some such drastic
remedy is necessary appears from the
increasing boldness Of those who can't
sing but will sing. A young man in
Pennsylvania shot another one the
other day for saying to him, John, let
fellows sing who can sing" Plainly,
the time has arrived for revolutionary
methods, and fortunately science has
come to the rescue at the right time. A
scientist is showing by illustrated lee
lures that beautiful geometric figures
are thrown upon the surface Of a soap
bubble by certain tones of the human
voice. When a young lady sings ''My
country, it's of thee" there is mass
of violet surrounded by every other
color Of the spectrum; then it changes
to red, green or yellow. That must be
only because she has good voice. Sci
ence must be accurate and truth can
not be inconsistent with any other
truth, so it follows that when the man
whose voice sounds like the filing of
saw, or the girl whose vocalization re-
calls a crow suffering from tonsilitis,
attempts to sing the phonoscope will
represent octopuses and microbes in
yellow. AS the atmosphere of the
problem clears we may see how the
old saw may be reconciled with its
amendment. The person who can't sing
and will sing will be taken to Sing Sing
and made to sing to phonoscope and
a series of soap bubbles until the cure
is complete or the patient is dead.
Those who like to hear themselves talk
because they think they have melliflu-
Gus voices can be more mildly dis
ciplined in the same way. Nobody
hears himself as others hear him,
whether he talks, plays the cornet OF
whistles ragtime; If he did, much dis
illusionment would ensue spontane
ously, and, as he doesn't, disillusion-
ment ''by hand" will have to give way
to establishment by scientific machin-
cry. The scientist may begin to choose
design for his own statue as a public
benefactor.