The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-07-08
A SCHEME THAT FAILED.
Lnmentable Failure of n Plan TO
Play the Role of Ghost.

Il declare, Theodore | don't know what
/ shall do to keep Bridget in nights.
don't want to discharge her, as she does
her work all right and is model In
other respects: but she is bound and de-
termined to go out three or four evenings
a week in spite of all l can say and
wish l knew some way to break her CT
the habit" and Mrs. Grubbins sighed and
glanced appealingly across the breakfast
table at her husband
What that? what's that?" demanded
Grubbins, suddenly farirg up. Won't
stay in nights. Ell? I'll see about that in
a hurry. Sorry you didn't speak to me
about it before
Il am, tool" interposed Mrs. Grubbins,
that is. if anything can be DONE but liz
afraid talking will do no good"
Talking! Who's going TO do any talk
ing?" shouted Grubbins. 'Oh, no Han
nah. I amt going to do any talking to
her. / know a trick worth two of that.
Where's that Hamlets fathers CHEST
costume / wore here last winter?''
Packed away in chest in the garrett;
but what do you want of THAR enquired
Mrs. G. vr
Never mind what want of that, l onl!
want to know where can put my hands
on it; tina! IS ALL responded Crubbns air
lily. "A woman can never keep a secret.
and | reckon it'll be time enough to inform
you what I'm going to do with that hair
raising costume when / get ready TO put
1t on"
Surely, Theodore you're not going to
attempt TO frighten Bridget into staying
in nights are you?" and Mrs. Grubbins
gazed half deprecatingly, half admiringiy
at her diminutiye but plucky husband n.
B.-Grubbins weighed exactly llO pounds,
counting his overcoat and boots.
That's all right" remarked Grubbins,
loftily "all you've got to do is TO keep
mum and allow me to manage this affair"
Mrs. Grubbins kept mum as requested.
That night Bridget was out as usual,
and along about $3.50 p m, Grubbins. ar
rayed in the ghostly habiliments of Ham
ilet's deceased progenitor quietly conceal
ed himself beneath the basement stairs.
Here he crouched. patiently awaiting,
and ever and anon chucklng softly TO him
self in anticipation of the coming fun.
II was a fortunate thing for Grubbns
that he had his laugh beforehand-but no
matter. Let us not anticipate, as Grub
bins did. but calmly await the unfolding of
the plot.
An hour later when Bridget. blissfully
unconscious of the terrors in store for her
entered the basement door she was sud
denly confronted by the sheetei form of
Grubbins who drew himself up in his full
height, five feet three in his slippers. and
began in his most bioodcurdling accents:
II am my fathers ghost, doomed for
a certain term
"Ah, we make me tiredi' interrupted tn
undaunted daughter of Erin and Me ael
O'Flynn. Me fayther is alove yit an the
divil ghost has he got 10 his back: an
phwats more, me gay an festive fri'nd.
Oh kin lick me weight in ghosts any tonne
an rot half thry, If it's afther attirp.-
in ter scare me We air iist take tta fer yer
trouble wunst an see how We like IL"
And Bridget accompanied her remarks b.
a resounding cuff on the ear that III de
Grubbins teeth rattle and sent him Re | NJ
backward across the hall.
Me fayther's ghost Ell? An me talk
ing TO the ould man not over an hour
ago! ORR make We ghost in earnest,
begob if yez come foolin' around me with
any of yer funny bizness!' went on tn
indignant and unterrifed Bridget, as she
followed Grubbins along the passageway,
vigorously cutting right and left
Grubbins was stunned for moment by
the sudden onslaught. but presently his
gigantic intellect came to his rescue and
he turned and scooted out of the rear door
and over the back yard fence, accompan-
led by a shower of kitchen bric-a- brac and
Bridget's parting blessing.
He remained shivoriug behind an old
hogshead in the next yard until Bridget
had cooled off and retired, and then eau
tiousIy crept into the house, by way of the
basement window. doffed his ghostly raj
ment. and sneaked quietly up stairs TO
bed, with several extra bumps on the out
side OF his Uranium and a painfully vivid
impression inside OF it that his attemp;
at frightening Mrs GTubblns' perverse and
recalcitrant handmaiden had been dis
NAL and discouraging failure.
p S.-B-idget is still taking her three
or four evenings out each week, and Grub
bins announces thai she can keep on do
ing so, and be blest. SO far as he is con-
cerned He is at present attending street
ly to his own affairs and letting Mrs. G.
attend to hers.