Mesa free press., 1900-05-18
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+, "Johnnie, how would you divide thir-
teen apples equally among fourteen
Toys" Make 'em into apple sauce,
Sir!"-Lfe.
Sour: Irene-That Miss Weldon looks
like a squeezed lemon. Clarissa-She
isn't, though. She's just dried lemon.
Chicago Tribune.
A New York symphony: He-So far,
dear, our married life has been lone
grand, sweet song" She-Yes, darling;
in one fiat.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Bound to get there: Hes an active
business man, isn't he? Never loses q
pit Of time" That's right. He even
writes running hand" -Philadelphia
Bulletin.
(which is the head barber?" inquired
the customer. Were all head bar
bers," replied the artist; what did you
suppose we were-corn doctorsT'-
Yonkers Statesman.
Teacher-Make a sentence contain
ing the word pursuit. Bright Boy
twho reads the papers)-Were ten dol
Jars, now seven dollars and ninety-nine
cents per suit.-Exchange.
The pater-If my daughter marries
you / wish her to live in the style to
which she has been accustomed. The
Fuitor-That's all right, sir; your home
shall be ours!LTown Topics.
Trying: The Rev. Boresumm-Ah,
Brother Sinner, trust that you are OBJ
Ferving Lent properly. Sinner-Well,
am going to hear you preach every
Sunday.-Baltimore American.
Tommy-Pop, what is vulgar ostenta-
tion? Tommy's father-Vulgar osten-
lation, my son, is the display made by
people who have more money to do 1t
with than we have ourselves.-Phila--
lelphia Record.
In Chicago: Excited lady Cat the tele-
phone)-I want my husband, please, at
pnce. Voice from the exchanged
Number, please? Excited lady (snap-
pishly)-Only the fourth. you impudent
thingLExchange
Superfuous: Parke - Some women
are never satisfied; my wife almost in
sisted last night upon my taking her
to some play. Lane-But you didn't?
Parke-No. sir! Why, I've seen every
thing there is.-Life.
Visitor-What was the matter with
the man they just brought in? Doctor
Stuck his head through pane Of
glass. Visitor-How did he look? Doc
tor-His face wore an injured express
News.
An accident: Kindly gentleman Qn
plarm)-Goodness Have you had an
accident, little boy? Little boy-Yessir;
a turrible accident! Kindly gentleman
Gracious! What was it? Little boy
4 met pop when wus playin' hockey
Bazaar.
Observation-Disclosures sir! There are
scenes In your comedy that Shak-
speare could not have written. Dapter
You are too kind, really. Butterfly
Not at oil, sir. Take, for instance, that
railroad smashup in the third act
brooklyn Life.
: The Photographer-Here sir, are the
cabinets that your son ordered of me-.
The Father Degrading one)-The pic
ture is certainly very like him; and he
has paid you? The Photographer-No,
sir. The Father-That Is still more
like him.-Tit-Bits.
Hope Deferred: Husband-Yes, it
would make a nice addition to our In
come; but the old fellow is good for q
dozen years at least, I'm afraid. Wife
That's so like you, Paul, dear; you
have no faith! 1 have been taught to
believe in ENTHUSIASTICALLY
Life.
Mistah Johns.ng-Yo' am de sweetest
,gal heah, Miss Darknite! Miss Dark
.nite-Now, Mistah Johnsing, yo' dis
stop dat TALKS blushin', I knows
us. Mistah Johnsing-'Deed yo' amt,
honey-yo' am de kind oh flowah dat
am bohn tub blush unseen.-Ohio State
journal.
Teacher-How many Of my scholars
can remember the longest sentence
they ever read? Billy-Please, mum,
] can. Teacher-What! Is there only
one? Well, William, you can tell the
rest of the scholars the longest SEN
tence you ever read. Billy-Imprison-
ment for life.-Tit-Bits.
+, Heart to Heart Condolences: Pertie
tell anybody, for the
world! See this ring? Art Smasher