The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-05-06
Fun of the Word

]
| General Otis how many sharpshooters he
| had in his command. We'll, General,
| said Colonel Hare, after doing itt-e
mental arithmetic, AZ have I,ooo sharp
| shooters and about 1855 crap shooters.
z <
When Artemus Ward was TO lecture
| in a little place in The fer West, q big
Zard came UP. and consequently the aud
ience was small After my lecture. -
said Artemus, Il venIured TO suggest 10
Inc chairman Of the committee that the
elements having been against ne that
evening, l might repeat my talk later on
in the season. After conferring with his
w-committeemen, the chairman came
back and said 10 me: We haven't any
objection at all TO your repeating your
lecture. but the feeling is that you had
better repeat it in some other town -
< Z <
There is newsman on Kiugstown Pier
well known 10 all travellers across the
channel. II seems that when the Queen
was last IN Ireland, thirty-nine years
ago. he had the honor of supplying her
with morning papers. Accordingly Dave
Stevens presented, himself -~sain with q
formidable array Of journals, for his
stock in trade has increased enormously
in the meantime. One OF the gentlemen
in attendance reminded herr Majesty Of
the circumstance, and she sent for a
morning paper, inelosing a sovereign.
with a message to the effect that David
might keep the rest for himself. And
which newspaper did she buy?' asked
the newsman's interviewer. I'm like q
lawyer, sur; all that takes place be-
tween my customers an mysilf IS secret
an l wouldn't tell ye for handful o.
soverins-but that would surprise ye If
We knew
< u
Sometimes it is the constituent, not the
member, who causes the fun in congress
sional circles, says paragrapher in the
May issue Of Success" The other morn
ing, western member exhibited a letter
which he had just received from his
home town. 1t was during the contro-
versy over the Puerto Rican tariff, and
it ran thus:
Things is quiet now except 4 good
deal OF kicking and opposition. but the
majority of your friends stand with you,
How do you stand?'
u x z x
Have you a letter for me?" bashfully
inquired a pretty girl at the village Of
A. postoffice.
Business or love-letter?" asked the
clerk, who was a bit of a wag.
Business, +" replied the maiden, in Grim
sun GOIlLuSAOLi AS 40 ISlteH tCA tllett ia
ture could be found she departed, but az
ter a while returned, blushing to the hair
roots. and falteringly asked: PLEASE,
sir, would you mind looking among the
love-letters?"
x < y <
A North Omaha Sunday school superin-
tendent always conducts the lesson r.
view in his school, He spends about
five minutes in explaining the lesson, and
then asks:
Now, has anyone a question to ask?"
Last Sunday he explained the lesson
as usual, dwelling at length on its chief
thoughts, and wound up with the usual
question:
Now, has anyone a question to ask?"
member of the boys junior class
raised his hand
well. what is your question: asked
the superintendent.
please, sir. are we going to have
picnic this summer"
Z. x &c
At o'clock in the morning two French
duelists, who are to fight to the death
at place in the suburbs. meet at the
ticket office of the railway station.
Give me a return ticket, as usual"
says the first duelist' to the clerk. in a
terrible tone and with a ferocious twist
of his mOustache.
IL say, do you always buy return
tickets?" stammered his opponent.
Always"
'Then, 1 apologize"
x q q
Ex-United States District Attorney
Sutherland Tenney of New York was
graduated from the Columbia Law
School in 1915, when he carried off the
first prize of $500. a disappointed com
Il suppose it was because your thesis !
was ilIegibIe, as usual, and the judges |
gave you the benefit of the doubt"
Mr.. Tenney, unruffled, replied: How /.
much better you would DO If you adopt |
ed that practice in all your work"
4
These are the things that happened /
over the Detroit telephone for three sue /
,essive days, and the druggist felt his /
lair turning gray:
Hello. Is Harvey there?"
mo Harvey's not with me any more /
What can L do for your
Nothing. I always get my cigars Of
him, and 1 don't know the brand" and /
he customer would ring off.
Please call Mr.. Harvey TO the
phone" a little later Not there2 He's
he only pharmacist know Of who can
,ut UP tonic that really does me good.
FL can him up later
Say" before the druggist could get
through saying things. will you kindly
ell Harvey to put me up a quart Of
hose spring bitters he always makes
or Jackson? Send il c. o. D. I'm aw-
nj busy"
"Hervey's left. What were the bit
ers?"
How do I know7 Harvey knows Have
i'm cali me when he comes in"
After ten minutes: Is this Harvey
III, I want Harvey. Have him prepare
gallon Of that horse liniment. I'm
ust beginning to work cut ny frotterF
ret il Up here this afternoon. Not there?
Where can I reach him? lie makes the
tuff from a recipe Of his own G3nc2
Too bad, Guess III advertise Tor nina.
ant do business without that ;iriment
When II came 70 whore the druggist
ouidn't sleep and re thought he was
oslng about 800 day in trade. he
ent for Harvey. apoiogized for having
Ispe1sed with his services. took him
ack, and increased his wages q Per
ent Then Harvey went the rounds and
et up the ciraTs TO the true frisr5s
mo had plugged" for him oves he
eIsphone. The druggist sleeps well ard I
Iarvey's champions send IN an occa-
i8ual order Just - aiiay suspicion.
x ES
Richard Whiting. who IS SIN rather
he London celebrity q the moment.
oes not exactly write immortal verse / I
Ut people are stiu taking Z ia move,
No. john Street " and wondering what
IS next book viii DC ike. lie 8 pef-
lnas!tv that would rot 5cse = caTiicia
Z is charm even 4 one did know Hat
Is fav0rite yecrcatt1rs are, wAi3a De- 4.
as never been weak sH ash q dtseioss
Z the present moment recreati5n has e
eicgaus significance Tor him. for, having /
last several a CONGESTION q many (
earg with the Daily Ness be Is real-
anx what e means - - bondsnaaa
.