The leader., 1900-05-30
Benevolent Assimilation.

tdtchlIg every ldnui
We've revised the Christian Gospel and
enhanced its "huSincS>" worth.
We have "c'nchcd" upon religion. and we soon
will cinch the earth
! We have business and religion 50 combined
/ and Sugarrd DER.
/ You can take them beth together and will
wink your eye for more.
Scarcely had the dead been buried. after
Dewey'> famous fight,
| Till we landed in Manila for converting
all in sight.
There were old and tried conyertcrS in our
"ciEilniE." band.
And agents Of prosperity from every Chris
tian land
There were preachers and promotes, and some
showers OF the queer,
f Brands of business and religion that a hrathrn
well might fear.
They all had learned cheney yolencc'' in the
tsadr-"NpanSon school.
And could elevate" an island, or ''d>sinilatc'
mule,
Not man was there for pas>tIHc. not soul
was out for health.
But 70 "Giyililr" the islands and "assimilate'
thclI wealth.
We had clothing made of Shoddy; We had dia-
monds made of glass;
We had shoes with soles of paper; We had
watches made Of brass;
We had endless schemes 70" plundcr- all in
rainbow colOrs hucd
And ten thousand bales and boxes of adulter-
ated food
There were floods of shotgun whiskey, there
were countless kegs ofbeer;
There were gorgeous gambling outfits; there
wefe swans OF Shady Dear:
And our sanity sharks were waiting singing
trade-eXpanNiOn rot,
TO 'bcnevoate" these natives aud to spread it
thick and hot
But We couldnt manage Dewey; not 'pan"
would he obey.
He believed in being honest with these rebel
heather Jay"
And to all our schemes for plunder, he would
sternly answer, Nay
lie was good enough at lighting and was ready
any day
But what good to us was fighting if We couldnt t
make il pay"
He wouldn't help "bemcyOlate" and Ii" wouldn't
let us prey"
Anu ds lOT dN>iillldllOh nc WIS always III
the way:
SO We got him leave OF absence" :" and Just sent
him home to stay.
Now we've got old Mother OtiS-thc old lady
you'll confess,
Who has won hundred battles by Just "mrU
ding up the press.
Nov we're fixed more to our liking things are
coming all our WAY
We've started out the elephant, and the band
begins TO play
Keep your eyes upon the Joker. Watch the
tradc-cXpanson hat,
See these hcathens fry and sizzle, We are out
for frying fat!
Praise Mark Hanna and Mckinley For from
them all blessings flow.
Shout. IAN sustain the government" and
Wen gather in the dough.
This old world is moving faster; get grip if
you'd stay in:
DO your friend and down your ncghhor, What
is life without the tin?
Golden Rules and humane prcceps may adorn
novels page,
But they're laid away back numbers. in this
busineSs-GhrStan age.
MOSlCm rules are more Ike BUSINESS. ana lUt
gatling gun and sword
Soon convert the mbelieverS and prepare
them for the Lord;
And to chriStianile Il people, and thus save
their precious souls
We must rob them OF their country and then
shoot them full of holes
We must Christianlze these natives. and our
tI1u nuSt upt came down.
But they'll find our "croSS is heavy and their
sweat VIII he their crown.
We have bought these Tagal "nggcrS," and We
bought them iob,lot cheap,
Why. two dollars each per Niger is below the
price of sheep,
Yes. we've bought these Goddess heather
bought them in the Spanish mlSS-
Bought them. goods and soul and body. and
they all belong touS.
Its all 'the will of Proyidence:" you must stop
this freedom fuss;
Against "Appomted Destiny ii is wrong to
kick and CuSs.
We've been "choSen, and elected, and an
nGinted." for the place
To religionize the nations and to regulate
the race
If wicked nhclieverS carp of Liberty and
Right
Or make crazy "Dec!arations" and deny the
right of Might
If they question our "annonting" and our
"civilizing" gag;
Or hint we're canting hypocriteS. an d are only
after swag-
withina bag.
Call them copperheads and traitors, and then
shrek about the flag
We will "ciyilze" these natives; We will do it
with such care
That Wen leave them hut the sun shine and
the air.
Then to elevate" these islands on the modern
Christian plan,
We will stock them with coolies brought from
China and Japan.
Well ''regenerate" these natives-with new
and lively birth;
We propose to own their labor-or they'll just
get OFF the earth.
With the help of good Mark Hanna, and our
nations greatest" chief
1t will beat protective tariff and wiki lay
out ''army beef"
As for his Sulu Majesty we decided it was
best
TO take him into partnership till we'd "paclhed'
the rest;
So to please his Royal Ii ghness and to cause
his pride no fall,
He received a handsome pension-with his
harem. slaves and all.
And who pays this Sulu pension? Why we loot
the public till
We just call it WAR Expenses" and the people
foot the bill
1t will swell the next Bond issue, and increase
the public debt
That will give us more ''iny estment, and a
larger rake-otf yet.
Some may talk of Right and Justice and ol
Mercy for mankind!
OF the loss of bravest soldiers and the sorrows
left behind;
What care we for wasting feyers, sickly sWamps
| or scorehing plain?