davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-08-08

Ladies' Solid lax. Gold Watch, with
large diamond star. Waltham or Elgir
s4S' ou1 Dr Original price. S2d.&
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07

white and blue to harmonic, There was
subdued hut intense excitement as the
members continued to drop in, but the
real situation was not realized until the
triangle called the meeting to order and
Brother Gardner arose and said:
"Feller Citizens oh Dis Limekiln Club
in de United Stats-I hev no doubt dat
in yo'r minds yo' am akin why dis
whenceness an what has become OBJ de
goneness which has heretofo' greeted 70
in dis hall Look about 20 an read
dose signs. | hev had my ear to de
ground an heard de boom OBJ de opcnin
gun. Cheers AS dis Limekiln club is
fust in peace an fust in wah, so it am
fust to open de great political campaign
which am gwine to shake dis continent
from head to heel like a pckannny pick
ed out oh a mudhole by his mother.
lYells.l Dis am no political club, but
when de interests oh liberty am at stake
it has got to take a hand in We amt
lookin fur no east, no moth, no south, no
west, but we realize dat de bulwarks OBJ
freedom hev bin intrusted to us, an we
am gwine to preserve EN- or die Up
roarious applause.
Bend yo'r ear to de cast, an yo' h'ar
a whoopin an a shoutin. It's de mill
yons gittin ready to jine in de cam
paign. Bend yor ear to dc west an yo'
h'ar a screechin an yellin. It's dc mill
yons gittn ready fur a row. [Whoop.l
It's de same in de moth an de south. Fo'
vars has rolled around ag'in, an cherry
man from Maine to California feels dat
de fate OBJ de United Stats rests upon
his vote. Howls of enthusiasm.l Ober
dar on de wall is sign readin, Whar
Do Yo' StandY OATS what each en-
cherry man oh yo' wants to keep axin his
self till yo' feel as firmly settled as a COW
in de Quicksands Don't make no mis-
take about it. In religun yo' kin wabble
about from Baptist to Methodist an back
cherry five or six weeks an be saved in de
eand, but de man who sots out to sPve
Moth America can't do no wabbin.
[Cries of mo, no"'l Hes got to find
out whar he stands an stick to it.
"Havin opened dis campaign wild
whoop, we hev got to stick right to it an
close wild yell. 1--WE will.'l De man
who starts in to save his kcntry has no
time to go fshin or roost on rail fence.
He's got to keep right at work day an
night, an he's got to keep his enthoosi-
asum up to de b'ilin pint chen If de wa
termillyon CT, p am failure an all de
possums 20 ODER to de opposition.
[Whoops.l | spoke to yo' oh liberty an
freedom. Dem ar our guidn principles
but dar will be other principles to fit in
wild dem to make up,a glorious whole
tAGitation.l Fur instance, it has bin
diskivered dat pusson kin hold office an
save de United Stats from a collapse at
de same time. lCheers.l Fur instance,
ag'in, | hev taken a two foot rule an
measured it off an satisfied myself dat de
mo- salary attached to de office de greater
de patriotism OBJ de man who holds it.
[Shouts for George Washington and
Patrick Henry.l Lettin go oh Moth
America fur moment an speakn fur de
Guild race alone, we hev hitherto gone on
dc principle dat de Office should seek de
man. 1t has alus happened, howeber,
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07

dat when de office cum scekin de man he
wasn't home, an it passed on TO de eau
casian. (Groans. reckon we shall
make a change in dat principle. Its quite
likely dat de Guild man will start out to
seek Office instead OBJ waitin an dat hen
find it too. Applause which extinguish-
ed two lamps and wabbled the stove
pipe.
SIN dis de openin oh de campaign it
may be rs well dat we announce our plat
form. Experience in yellin fur candidates
all day an carryin torchlight around all
dc eavenin has taught me dat nobody kin
start out widout platform. It's like
putin on suit oh clothes Yo' am gwino
to Judge man by dc looks oh dc cloth
Nobody ever sticks to de platform after
he's got de crowd folerin him around, but
it's got to be dar to begin wild. De plat
form OBJ dis club, an through it de plat
form OBJ Dc Guild men oh America, may
hc stated as follers;
Front seats fur all who kin pay fun
'em. Cheers
america first, individuals later on
[Whoops
"A far show fur cherry patriot to gi
Office. Yells.
Cit what we kin an keep what we git
(Hurrahs
"A sort OBJ miXin up an minglin togeth
er Oh free trade an protection till cherry
body .l- What Lr NJuts an all ar salts
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
The Jack Rabbit starts East

The jack rabbit has made his way into
Jackson county, Mo, in his pilgrimage
toward the rising sun. A score or more
of the short grass variety Of rabbits have
been seen recently, and those who are
conversant with the migratious of the
animal predict that it will become nu-
merous in the states Of the central west.
Before the war the jack rabbit was pc
culiar to the semarid plains. \ few Of
them were occasionally TO be seen in
Kansas in the counties three or four tiers
removed from the Missouri line, but as
late as 20 years ago the sight Of a jack
rabbit in Douglas county attracted at
tention, and l. years ago the newspapers
commented on the fact that a jack rabbit
had been killed in Leavenworth county.
Like the cottontail, the jack rabbit
takes kindly to civilization. His migra
ton is east instead Of west and the rea-
son assigned for il is simple.
Until western Kansas, the natural
home of the jack rabbit, was populated
the animal had fed on the natural food
of that region. But with the advent OF
the husbandman he tasted corn. lie lik-
ed it better than the natural food of the
plains and has gone in search of it
Kansas City Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
JOKES ABOUT TOWNS.
The American Propensity to Twit
Certain Cities of Peculiarities.

In the new story about Eugene Field
the merry Chicagoan Is made to say OF
his curious and restless little son that
che acts as though he was born In Wash
ington.'
The story has reminded Us Of the
strange regulations that cities get, Sure
~ as much curiosity and restlossuess and
ambition and rivalry and all that Is
shown in one city as in another Last
week we read in a comic paper that a
Philadelphan. at the end of letter dat
ed March II, wrote "A Happy New
Year Every one who read the joke
probably smiled roundly, for, according
to popular fiction, Philadelphians are Pc
cuiarly slow.
Indeed we suppose that few joke col
umns in the course of week do not pub
lSh a fling at some city. In years far
back Chicago got the name of the Windy
City, although to say that it ever was
subject to more aerial gusts or oratorical
bombast than any other city would be
patiently unfair. In more recent years
Chicago has been associated with the cry
of big feet, although it must be admitted
by any sharp eyed traveller that big feet
are no scarcer in New York or Boston
than they are in the city by Lake Mchi-
gan.
Our dear old town Of Boston has frop,
time mmcmorial been made the mark OF
jokes on crudition Usually the typical
Bostonian is represented by the outsider
as a person with a bullying brow and
spcctacles. Generally this person, be it
child, man or woman, is uttering out
landish words suggestive OF n long diet
on classical and scientific dictionaries.
Yet, although the twie Bostouian is very
well bred, as much poor language is
heard here ms elsewhere, nor is a classic
invariably preferred here to the yellow
covered mush manufactured in the sub
urbs.
You must often have heard the phrase
"As dead as Chelsea" yet, visiting the
pleasantly situated community across
the bay, you find that it is holding its
own among noisier contemporaries.
The fact is, Americans love jokes SC
we'll that they too frequently shout over
the bad as well as over the good. II
Englshmen sometimes do not see the
point, it is equally true that American:
sometimes only think they see a point
Boston journal.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
The LOuxest Words.

A correspondent gives "nonintercom
municipality" as the largest word in the
English language. While reading the
life of Archbishop Benson recently
came across the following extract from
his diary for September, 1892 page AID
"But the Free Kirk Of the north OF
Scotland are strong antidisestablsh
mentarans," ten syllables, 20 letters
The longest Italian word contains Il
sylables and Pc letters and forms {
whole line of a rhyme which is wei
known proverbs
Chi troppo in alto sal, cade sovente
Observation-Disclosures lmente.
ole who rises too high often falls
Most precipitately)
Pail Mall Gazette.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07

air an walk up to white man an de-
me? t"No, no,"l or co'se not | waits
fur darkness. Yells. | keep my feet
on dc ground. IWhoops.l | walk about
in humble way an don't chen let de
white man know am on airth. Oats
dc waywl | demand muffin. | raise
no row. | use strategy an diplomacy,
an dc pullot goes home wild me. up
roarious applause.
my fr'en's, | hadn't much to say, but
] wanted yo' to know | was wild yo'.
[Cheers.l Put me down as a Possumite
from Possumville. Yclls.l I'ze got a
good thing in double p'inted toothpcks
an kin lay asleep till 10 o'clock in de
mawnin, but I'm promisin yo' dat | shall
open de campaign dc day | git back to
Louisville an make it redhot to dc end
Terrific applause. De Possum party
hain't gwinc to bluff de white man tall
dis var, kase he'll put 1t down as only
n cake walk. Next var, howeber, well
glib him sort of chill up his back, an
var later | reckon he'll be comm around
to Paradise hall to inquar' how many Of
fees wen take to stop de freshet"
AS the orator retired he was applaud
ed with such vigor that nearly all the
plaster on the ceiling fell off and the al
ley wall bulged out, but every one got
out with his life. and over 60 new names
were added to the roll of mbership.
NJ. QUAD.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
The TexuS "Sin kiIler.o

The negro evangelist known 10 Kansas
citizens as the sin killer" is operating
In St. Louis. He is a Hercules in stature
and possesses a powerful voice.
On several occasions Vineyards hail.
where he held forth, was the scene Of
wild confusion. Rcpentant sinners lost
control of themselves. Some screamed
and tore their hair in their frenzy. 9th
ers crawed TO the mourners' bench and
wildly cried for forgiveness of their
transgressious. Throughout the evan
gelist never lost control of his hear
ers. He chanted and moaned until he
was hoarse; he gesticulated like crazy
man and stamped his feet as though in a
rage, but he never forgot to call for
funds before pronouncng the benedic'
ton. Last year he said;
Il can't explain how | get EN-. jes'
talk an talk an moan 'an moan until /
gets EN- comm my way. Then turns
on the steam, an | shout halleluiah.
tell 'em of the big devil with horns that's
after 'em. Then they howl for mercy an
crowd TO the mourners' bench. kansas
City Times,
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
led. prolonged applause. |

hcd. lBrolonged applause.
NO trusts, no doctors bills, no gas
bills an a big drap in de price oh coal an
house rent Applause which opened
three doors and careencd the stove five
degrees to starboard.l
Oats about de platform we shall do
bizncss on, an any lcetlc changes worked
in wont hcv no material affect. ICrcs of
cts all rightr1 We shall AK de people
OBJ America, both white an black to nc
cept it. We shall AK dc political parties
to accept it. AS a club we shall stand or
fall by it. While dis am our opcnin night
l hey bin workin fur weeks. 1t GIBBS me
pleasure to announce TO yo' dat doorin dc
campaign de follerin cxtravagant an
thrllin orators will be wild US:
DE Hon. Crabtrce Jones OBJ Alabamy,
known as de 'Sisero oh dc south
lChccrs.
de Hon. Come Along White of Indi-
ana, who was de fust Guild man to be
chuckcd out oh "A white mans hotel. APP
plause for the chucked
"Ex-Judge Bolliver oh South Carolina,
who has de distinguished honah oh bein
de only Guild man cher hit wild brick
bat frown by de gubernor's coachman.
Wells for the hrickbatter.l
'De Hon. Dewberry Gallup OBJ Geor-
gia, who spoke wild SIGH effect at Atlanta
last Fo'th OF July dat his hearers cleaned
out circus an three saloons. Enor-
nous applause.
"Kurnel Drawbridge Hastings oh Ohio,
who was one oh de fust patriots to enlist
in de late wah an who broke his laig
while turnin handspring at Chicka-
manga. Not so enormous
4
an dcy will stand we're in dis hall an scat,
ter SIGH words OBJ oratory about dat no.
body kin keep still. Dey will come to us
from cherry pint oh de compass, an dcy
will grid on our armor an be wild us in
our battle fur liberty justice an right.
lChcers for everybody An we shall
take as our emblem an as our mascot a
possum hangin from de limb oh tree by
his tail. We shall be known as de Pos
sum party. De possum, he lays low.
When yo' reckon he's dead he's foolin
yo'. fie represents patience an perse-
verancc. Hell git dar when dc bar an
de coon won't stand no show In dis hall
at our next meetin will hang our emblem,
an cherry man who am fur honest guber-
mcnt will wear de Possum badge on his
breast. Tremendous and long continued
ycllS for possums, liberty and our side
IAN now let MS march forard to vic
tory. We hev sot our faces to de front,
an dero will be no turnin back. Liberty
fust, den principle, den liberty an princi-
pie an Office, all bolted together an hand
ed out widout any string attached. Let
us now sing de Star Spangled Banner,
follcred by Yankee Doodle an dispense
to meet ag'in at de call OBJ de bugle oh
liberty" NJ. QUAD.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
StOneyyall JacksOn's Cakes.

Il read an article recently about the de.
cline of the buckwheat crop" said a Vir-
ginian. Il know one man who will regret
to hear it," he continued. HE was with
Stonewall Jackson, and jackson was
fond of buckwheat cakes at all seasons.
This soldier used to be detailed to skir-
mish for buckwheat -four for Jackson,
and when he succeeded he made the bat
ter and did the cooking of the cakes. In
that way he became as fond of buck
wheat as Jackson. and he tells me he has
never missed having buckwheat cakes
for breakfast since the war. Although he
has servants he insists on preparing the
-four for the grddle, and unless he is in
disposed he snperintends the baking Of
the cakes. For this purpose he has a
small stove in his dining room and has
his cakes hot as he wants them. He also
has particular brand OF sausage meat
which is prepared in Virginia, and this
invariably goes with his cakes. If the
buckwheat crop disappears first this man
will go soon after."-New York Sun.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
Copyright, 1900, by c. h. Lewis.l


de corner of his left eye an lay his fin
ger on his nose an say, 'Misser White,
don't try to bluff dis crowd on jack high
prolonged applause BIT il | could
go to him an say dat de 100000 black
voters was lookn fur a part OF de coon
his answer would be different He'd put
hand on my shoulder an say: why,
certainly, Misser White. 70 jest pick
out n thousand Offices to be divided
among de boys, an gin 'em my best wish
es.' Enthusiastic warwhoops.l
Since de organization OF de Possum
party I'ze heard quite number Of men
express DER Disappointment wild de plat
form. DER hain't huff planks in it to
suit 'cm. De fact am each one OF us
would like a plank fur hisself, Laugh
teri I'd like n plank dat would Glib me
fo'ty acres of land an n pair of nevis.
Brudder Gardner would like a plank to
raise de tariff on eggs an horse radish.
Waydown Behee am arter a plank which
will glib him free rent, An so it goes all
de way round. [Cheers and laughter
But don't yo' go worryin bout planks.
Yo's got plenty huff to start on. an DER
Will be lots of time to put in others. DE
cul'd man has bin lookin fur nevis an
land fur de last 80 vars, an he hates to
glib up, but he might jest as well make up
, his mind dat he'll hev to work fur all he
gifts. lGroans of despair. An dar's
another thing | wants to menshun befo'
! close. Don't git de big head jest be
kase yo' hev bin told dat dar am 5000
600 Guild voters in de United States an
We hev sot out to iine 'em all together an
make 'em power If yo' 20 swelliu
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07

Henry Graves, who has lived in Chica-
go since 1881, says he is the oldest resi-
dent Of that city. His family, with II
others, went there in a schooner from
Ashtabula, O. The only other man liv-
ing who lived in Chicago at that time is
Alexander Boaubien, but he has not lived
in the city continuously. When Mr..
Graves went there, there were only three
or four white persons in the village, the
troops of the garrison having been on n
campaign.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
Minfsterial MalaDrOp

A clergyman in church in Lancashire
gave out as his text, 1.-The devil as a
roaring lion goeth about seeking whom
he may devour," and then added, "The
bishop of Manchester has announced his
intention of visiting all the parishes in
the diocese, and hopes to visit this parish
on such a date"
At Kensington parish church one Of the
curates asked for the prayers Of the con-
gregation "for family crossing the At
lantic and other sick persons. Bishop
How's Notebook.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
Against Her PRINCIPLES,

at is all over between us" said Miss
Dinsmore firmly to Mr.. Dolley. Take
your ring"
Keep it, replied Mr.. Dolley mourn
fully.
Il couldn't think of such thing. 1t is
my invariabe rule to return the ring
when | break an engagement."-Detr
Free Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
PuznlinE Discrimi n n ton.

what is your name?" asked the po-
liceman, drawn to the scene by the crowd
of loaf that had assembled.
at doesn't make any difference what
my name is" sulkily replied the man in
the stalled automobile. "The last time
was along this way l was in a buggy.
My horse baked for two whole hours,
and ] wasn't asked TO give an account Of
myself. Chicago Tribune.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
Rnck Roof Zoology.

"Would you call cat herbivorous, car
nivorous or omnivorous?" asked the man
who is learned, but tedious.
Neither" answered the man who
yawns; "merely vociferous. ashing-
ton Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
A Good Mans View of II,

"a man who threatens a woman is a
coward" exclaimed the earnest friend.
"Well," answered Mr.. Meekton, 81
don't know about that. OF course he's
a scoundrel and no gentleman, and he
ought to be arrested. But | shouldn t
lay it down as a rule that he's exactly a
coward. Washington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
TnntnIizing His Wife.

"Some of the most successful men In
politics." he said thoughtfully, have
been those who have had little to say"
Naturally she was indignant.
"Therc you go!' she exclaimed. AL
ways doing your best to discourage wo
men. "-Chicago Post.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
A Monster Devil Fish

Destroying its victim, is type of Con-
situation. The power of this malady is
felt on organs nerves, muscles and brain.
But DR.. Kings New Life Pills are safe
and certain cure Pest in the world for
Stomach, Liver, Kidneys and Bowels.
Only 95 cents. at j. w. O'Sullivan's drug
store.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
OPENING OF THE CAMPAIGN OF 1900
BY BROTHER GARDNER.
A Remarkable Grafton Tn which the
Distinguishcd speaker Outlines
Very ForcibIy the Politics and
Platform to lie Upheld
Copyright, 1900, by c. p. Lcwis.l

TTODyT!B low, ~ =, 1g'WTs.T
A surprise awaited the members of the
I.imekiln club as they gathered at Para
disc hall for the regular weekly meeting.
The walls had been decorated with scores
of flags and banners, and there were
cloth signs reading, Campaign oh 1900"
1Whnr Do Yo' Stand?' "De Battle Has
Begun" and Awake, Freemen" Broth
err Gardeners desk was draped with an
American flag, and the legs of the stove
end the water pail were painted red,
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
She Cured Him of Love blindness.

Tom-Do you believe in dreams?
Dick-I used to, but | don't any more.
Tom-Not as superstitious as you
were, eh?
Dick-Oh, it wasn't a question Of SUI
perstition. | was in love with one once,
and she Tilted me.--Philadelphia Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
AN "ADNER.

Thank YOU Sir I think that's all Sir"
said the census taker.
Hold on" said Mr., Alkalye, slipping
him a v Just Keep that for your trouble.
BY the way, If ve could print my name in
big tyne, and say 'propre tor OF the fun
Gus Smelgood Soaps" or somethin' like
that ye'd ohligo me,'-Phiadelphla Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
Not Just what She Meant.

at is my aim in life" he said, ITO do
something every day that will make men
happier"
"Ah," she exclaimed, with great en-
thusiasm, that must be why you keep
SO secluded. "-Chicago Times Herald.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
Converting the wicked.

'Why, Jacky, open the door and let
Katie in. Don't you see it's rainngW
cried Jacky's mother.
Il cant, mamma said Jacky; 1--WE are
playing Noah's ark. I'm Noah. and Katie
Is the sinner, and she must stay out in
the wet. "-Tt-Bits.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
Love on Wheels.

"They tell me Keyrank and his bride
are making their wedding journey in a
horseless carriage"
"Yes; they started away autor-"Ni'iag
and cooling. Chicago Tribune.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
IInprOper by Proxy.

Judge Jenkinson gave me shock
this morning"
How sou
81 met man that looked like him
eating peanuts along the street" -Chica-
60 Record.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
A Victory and DisappOintmen ( !,

"Our progressive euchre club met at
our house last night. George and l took
both the prizes
Then why do you seem depressed?"
you see, if I'd known we would win
them I'd have got better ones."-Chica.
20 Record
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
What We're All Coming To.

"What, minding the baby" said
Northside as he entered Manchester's
home and found his friend agitating the
cradle.
yes" replied Manchester; 1--WE got
down to bedrock. "-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07

A tablet on house i'm Milk street, Bos-
ton, says that Franklin was horn there,
DR.. Edward Everett Hale however, con-
tends that the philosopher was born in
a house on Hanover street.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07
Heroes of Domestic Injustice.

DRYING PREPARATIONS simply de-
velop dry catarrh; they dry up the Sccre-
tions which adhere to the membrane and
dccompose, causing far more serious
trouble than the ordinary form of
Catarrh, Avoid all drying inhalants and
use that which cleanses, soothes and
heals. Ely's Cream Balm is such a re-
mcdy and will cure catarrh or cold in the
head easily and pleasantly. All druggists
sell it at % cents or it Will be mailed by
Ely Brothers, So Warren St, N. Y.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07

"Do you believe in mental telepathy"
ayes. When I'm late to dinner,
know exactly what my wife Wi say
when get there. "-Detroit Free Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-06-07

When you say your blood is impure and
appetite poor ylu are admitting your need
OF Hoods Sarslplrill. Begin taking II
al once.