The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-22
Mr.. DOOLEY
On Mr.. SheldOn's Newspaper
Copyright. 1900. by R. H. RUSSELL

ton tn surroundin' meerolopuses iv Va
lencia. wanamaker, Sugr Works. Paxico
an Snokomo.' he says. The newspaper,
instead iv bein' powiful agent fr tn
salvation Nv mankind, bs become some
thing that they want r-read.' he says.
'Ye can all go home = says. III stay
here an write tn paps mesilf.' he SAYS.
I'm tn best writer AROUND here, amy
how, an I'll give thin something thatu
prepare thin FIR death. ihe says.
IAN he did. Hinnis$, he did. Twas a
gran paper They was ban article on sew
erage an wan on prayh' FIR rain. an an
other on municipal ownership Nv gas
tanks, an wan to showfhat they niver was
a good mixer ownded pc pro-fane man.
They was PONIES. too, nanny iv thin. an
fine vans: TIL Man With tn Shovel TIL
Man with tn Pick TIL Man with tn
Cash-Raygister,' TIL Han with tn Snow
Plow, 'Th' Man with IL Bell Punch TIL
Man with tn Skate IN Man with No
Kick COMM Fine potry, tn editor ask
in who pushed this hare mans forehead
back an planed down rs chin. who made
him wear clothes that Didn't fit him and
got him a job raisin' Eggplant fr tn
monno-polists in Topekaat dollar a day.
A man in tn editors position ought TO
know, but he didn't, so hi asst in III PONIES.
An tn advertisin', Hinnssyi I'd be scan
dalized f'r to go back realm tn common
advertiser in tn vile daily press about
mems paintings, an Dossannyoneknow-
whereIcangeta biscuit. an in tn spring a
young mans fancy lightly turns TO POGO
hontas plug, not made be a. thrusts. TIL
editor left thin sacrilegious advertisement
FIR his venal contemporaries. His pious
an nice: DO ye'er smokin' h this wurrud.
tn Christyan Unity Five-cint See-gar is
made out iv tn finest grabs Nv excelsior
liver projooced in Kansas! 'Nebuchednezzar
grass seed, FIR man an beast "A handful
iv meal in a barrel an a little lie in a
curse. Swedenborgan bran flied in kero-
sene makes tn best breakfast dish in tn
wurruld.' Twas nice TO r-read. 1t made
a man feel as If he was I'm chunch-asleep.
How did tn pa-aper sthrike tn people?
says We. Oh, il sthruck thin good Says
tn Topeka man skinnin' over tn gossip
about Christyan citizenship. an tn tool
chest iv pothry: Eliza, mere q good paper,
a fine wan, FIR We an tn childher. Sind
Tommy down to tn corner an get me a
copy Nv tn Polls Gazette
I've see, Hinnissy, tn editor whit TO tn
wrong shop FIR what Hogan calls his in
spiration. Father Kelly was talkin' IL over
with me, an says he: They amt amy
news in bein good. Ye might write tn
doin's Nv all tn converts iv tn wurruld an
tn back iv a postage stamp, an have room
to spare. Supposin' We took out iv news
paper all tn murdhers. an suicides, and d.
vorces, an elopmements, an fires, an dis
ease, an war, an famine he says, we
wudden't have enough left 10 keep man
busy r-readin' while he rode ar-roun' tn
block on tn lightnin' express. No. he
says news is sin an sin is news, and I'm
worth on'y line beginnin': Kelly, at tn
parish-house, April twinty-second, in tn
fiftieth year iv his age" an pay FIR that.
while Scanlan's bad boy is good FIR col
umn amy time he goes dhrunk an thries
to kill polIsman. A religious newspaper?
None iv thin FIR me. / want 10 know
what's goin' on among tn murdher an
burglary set. Did we Tread st.? he says.
Il did, says 1. What did we think Nv it?'
says he. L know, says /. why more peo-
pie don't go to church, says l.