The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-07-15
|HG. DooleQ, :.
{ ON THE
}Cbinese Situation.

at do that" said Mr.. Dooley ct bates
tn wurruld. An what's it comm to?
You an me looks at q Chinyman as
though he wasn't good FIR anything but
washin' shirts. an not very good at that
'Tis wan Nv tn sports tv tn youth Nv our
great cities to rowI an Imply beer kag
down tn steps iv q Chinese laundry, an
If e'er Chinyman come out to resist it
they'd take him be tn pig tail an do
tn joynt swing with him. But tn Chiny-
man at homes a diffrent la-ad He's
with his frinds, an they're NANNY tv
thin. an he's rowling tn beer kags him
silf an Westhren civilization is down in
tn laundry wondhrin' whin tn police'u
come along
''Th' Lord f'rgiye me FIR sayin' it, Hin
missy, but If 1 was a Chinyman, which I
Will fight amy man FIR sayin', an was liv-
in at home, I'd tuck me shirt into me
pants, put me braid up in a net an go
out an take a fall out Nv tn invader
II 1t cost me life. Here am I, Hop Lung
Dooley, r-runnin' me little liquor store
an rhaps raisin' family in tn town
Nv hoochoo. l don't like foreigners there
amy more thin do here. Along comes a
baidheaded man with chin whiskers from
Baraboo, Wisconsin, an says he: Be
AIASAANOo Oil udy tnSn DOOleY, saws he
We nave no God. he says I have saws
l. 1 have a lot " thim,' saws I. we ar-ra
an oncultivated an foul creathure.' he
says l have come six thousan' miles f'r
70 hist We from tn mire w Ignorance an
fr-relig1on in which ye live to tn LOFTY
plane Nv Baraboo,' he says An he sets
down on an aisy chair an his wife an
her friends come in, an they Inthroiooca
MRS Dooley to tn modhern improve
plue our-rd onto 1t an put shame into her
because she hasn't let her feet grow
Whlle tn head mission'ry reads me a pome
out Nv tn Northwestern Christian Advo-
cate. -
Well says I. look here. me good
feitoW, L says. Me an me people have
occupied these here primises fr NANNY
years l says. an here we mean TO
stay, says l. We're dom the best we
can IN tn 'matther Nv gods I says. We
nave Thin cast at a first rate foundhry.'
says an we sandpaper thin iyry
week, says 1. AS f'r KNOWN things T
says my people wrote PONIES with n
markin' brush Whin tn likes iv We was
r-runnin' ar-rOund wear1n' a short pc
hsse Nv sheepskins an batin' each other
20 death with stone hammers says I.
An I'm FIR firm him out, but bein' a
quite may I lave him stay
tn next day in comes a man with a
suit Nv clothes that looks like a table
cloth In section house, an saws he:
POOR, ignorant haythen,' he says. what
manner iv food do ye ateY he saws
Rice L says. an rats says is me
raw rite dish, 1 says. 'Deluded wretch
says he' riprisint Armour an Com
n.y. an I'm here to make ye change
ye'er dtte, he says. Hlnceforth ven ate
tn canned roast beef Nv merry OF stock
yards, or I'll have file of soters
In to I'LL We full iv ondygistibIe lead, he
says An after him comes a man with
Aunt Miranda's Pancakes an FIaked
Bran an e'H-perish-if-ye-don t-eat-a
biscuit an other REPRESENTATIVES iv Yves
thern civilization, an I'm to be shot II
l dont take thin ALL
Thin la-ad comes down with a chain
an small glass on three sticks an a
gang Nv section men that answers to tn
name Nv Casey an proceeds FIR to put
down a railroad. What's this fri? says
l. We ARE tn advance guard iv
Westhren civilization. he says, an we're
goin' to give We a railroad SO We can
go swiftly to places that We don't want
to see,' he says. "A country that has no
railroads Is beneath contimpt,' he says.
Casey, he says, stretch tn chain acrost
yon graveyard he says. L aim FIR tn
put tn thrack just befure that large
tombstone marked Riquiescat in Pace.
James H. Chung-a-lung,' he says. But
says 1. We VIII disturb pah's bones says
l, II we go to layin ties says. Yen be
rnixtn up me OF man with tn CassIdve
in tn mex lot that, I says. he niver
spoke to save in anger in his life I
says 'Ye're an ancestor worshiper
heathen.' says tn la-ad, an he goes on
to lamp tn mounds In tn cinftrv an
ballast tn thrack with tn remains " tn
deceased. An afther he's got through
along comes a Fr-rinchman an an
Enghshman, an Rocshan. an Dutch
man. an says wan Nv thin: This is
comfortabie-lookin saloon saws he. sJ,U
take tn bar, We take tn icebOx. an tb,
r-rest w the fixtures What fr?' saws
l. l We paid tn rent an tn license save
1: NiVer mind, says he. We're tn rim
rlsintattves fv Westhren cfviiza ton he
says, an it's tn business fv Weetbra,
clVllizauon to cut up tn belongings w
hastren civilization. he says. BE Off
ne r5 says or IL pull yeer hair he saws
ell says l. this thing has gone far
enough L says. I've heerd me good al.
caStlron gods or josses abused savs
an ! We been packed full fy canned Good
Gil liz FeKlng Lightning express fs r-y,,p
mn straight through tn lot where tto
0o4ieS Nv me ancesthers lies I says ~
StiIoo II ALL l says, but whin We coma
e 10 bounce me off w me own nriro
43eS' l says III have to take tb' leo T.,
flure All we re to tn
That's tn way It stands n Gut
alhniSsy, an 1t looks to me as +I, llIiJ'
TFeetnreh civilization was in FIR n b,,1,1.
liiind Wanst whin dhrunk prize f.~tta.,
come up tn r-road an whit to sIea'l ~, 80
SiaVln's steps. Some iv tn good stbro,, a
ID aus come along an they were near he
wa+ch BOWS over who shud have his
tE an who shud take his hat. While
tney were debatfn he woke IN an, -.
gin cuttln' loose with hands an fen+ n oe
Whin ne got through he made a coIIec+Io,
~ IN Things they dropped in escaDIn
an Iharched calmly down the stbraat
HteDoe Twill TURN out so In Chtnv EIin
L 4oS see by tn pa-apers that theI,ea
4VV'VVG'OoO " thin boys, an be hiI,insG
t"uddent surprise me If whin tbev GOT
through patln US at home they might saw
70 lnIrnsliVes; Well, here goes FIR
Jaunt ar.round tn wurruld.' TIL tinoa
may come, Hinnissy, whin ven be SQUIRT
IN "ather over Hop Lees shirt while
man named Chow Flung kicks down ve,er
sign an heaves rocks through ya.er
windy TIL time may come, Hlnnissv
Who knows?"
End ye'er blather," said Hennessv
iHev won be amy Chinymen left whin
IN mp ror Willum gets through
Meebe not" said Mr.. Dooley. ''He's q
sthrong man. But tn Chinymen have
been on earth long time. an / don't
see how we can push so nanny iv thin
OIL IT. Annyhow, tbs q good thing FIR
us they amt Christyans an haven't
learned properly to sight a gun"
How to Keep Cool.
Baltimore A-nericar