Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-03-18
MR.. D00LEY ON MODERN
EXPLOSIVES IN WARFARE
BY r. p. Dunne.

Mr.. Dooley. IAN I niver did, tn de-
sire has passed firm me iv late. livery
time read iv tn destructive power
" modhern explosives col chills chase
each other up an down me spine"
Whats this here stuff they calls
lyddite?" Mr.. Hennessy asked.
We'll, tbs tn divvles own med
cine," said Mr.. Dooley. Compared
with lyddite joynt powdher is Mrs.
Winslow's soothin' syrup an We cud
leave tn childher play base ball with
a car iy dinnymite. IT'S as sthrong
as Gin'ral Crownjoy's camp tn day iv
tn surrinder an almost as sthrong as
tn politics iv Montana. TIL men that
handles it is cased in six-inch armor
an played ON be hose in ice wather.
TIL gun that shoots it is always blown
UP be tn discharge. Whin this deadly
missile flies through tn air, tn threes
ar-re withered an tn little bur-rds
falls dead firm tn sky, fishes is kilt
in tn rivers an tn telephone wires
won't wur-rk. TIL keen-eyed British
gunners an correspondents watches it
in its hellish course an TURN their
faces as it falls into tn Boer trench.
An oh! tn sickly green fumes it
gives off, JUS like pizen f'r potato
bugs! There is a tremendous explo-
sion. TIL earth is thrown up FIR miles
Horses, men an gun carredges ARE
landed in tn British camp whole. TIL
sun Is obscured be Boer whiskers
turned green. TIL heart in tn CORY
spondint is made sick be tn sight, an
be tn thought iv tn fearful carnage
wrought be this dhread Destroyer in
tn ranks iv tn brave but misguided
Dutchmen. TIL mex day deserters
firm tn Boer ranks reports that they
have fled firm tn camp, need1n'
dhrink an enable to stand tn scenes
iv horror. They announce that tn
whole Boer ARMY is as green as wall
paper, an tn Irish brigade has sthruck
because he can't tell their flag firm
tn flag iv tn r-rest Nv tn Dutch. TIL
Fr-rinch gin'ral in command iv tn
Swedish corps lost his complexion an
has been sint to tn hosital an Mrs.
Gin'ral Crownjoy's washin' that was
hangin' on tn line whin tn lombard
mint comminced is total wreck
which no amount iv bluein' will save.
TIL deserters also report that nanny
Nv tn Beers ARE outpannin', trek
kim, loogerin', kopjein' an veldtin'
home to be dyed FIR it's not known
whether lyddite is a fast color or will
come out in tn wash.
I'm spite iv their heavy losses tn
Beers kept up fierce fire. They had
no lyddite but with their other div
Wish modhern explosives they wrought
TREMENDOUS damage. FIR some hours
shells burst with turr'ble precision
in tn Boer camp. Wan man who was
good at figures counted as nanny as
Iorty-two thousan' eight hundred an
swim burstin' within RADIUS iv wan
fut. Ye can imagine tn horrible car
mage Col. C. G. f. K. l.. M. N. 0. P.
on-Casey-Higgin lost his
eye-glass tin times, th' las time al
most swallowin' it, while ye'er faithful
correspondent was rindered deaf by tn
explosions Another Irish rig'mint
has disappeared, tn Twelve Thous-
andth an Eighth, Dublin Fusiliers.
Brave fellows, tbs SUSPECTED they mis-
took tn explosion iv lyddite FIR Pa
TRICKS Day procession an wint acrost
to take look at it.
'sMurdher, but tbs dhreadful to
r-read about We have to change all
our CONCEPTIONS iv warfare. Wanst tn
field was FRED, now tbs bright lyd
dite green Wanst man whit out an
died FIR his country, now they sind
him out an lyddite dyes him. What
90 I name? 'Tis joke l made I'll
not explane it to we. Ye wudden't I'M
dherstand it. TITS FIR tn eddycaIed
classes.
How they're liver goin' to get men
to fight afther this / cuddent tell We.
Twas bad enough in tn OF days whin
all that happened to sojer was bein'
pinithrated be a large r-round COB iv
solder or stuck up on tn end iv a
baynit be careless inimy. But nova
days, they have tn bullet that whin
it enthers we TURNS ar-round like tn
screw iv propeller, an another wan
that we might say goes in be key
hole an comes out through a window,
an another that has time fuse in it
an it doesn't come out at ALL but
ltays in We, an mebbe tWinty years
afther whin we've frgot all about it
an ar-re settin' at home with ye'er
family, bang! away it goes an we with
it, caryin' away half iv tn roof. Thin
they have guns as long as firm here to
tn rollin' mills that fires shells as big
as a thrunk. TIL shells ar-re loaded
like doctors bag an have all kinds
iv things in thin that won't do a bit
iv good to man or beast. If a sojer
has a weak back there's something in
tn shells that removes a weak back;
if his head throubles him, he can lose
it; if tn odher iv violets is distaste-
full to him tn she'll smothers him in
vilet powdher. They have guns that
amy boy or girl who knows tn type
writer can wurruk an they have 9TH
er guns on tn music box plan, that
We wind up an go away an lave an
they annoy amy wan that comes
along. They have guns that bounces
up out iv hole in tn groun'. fires
q millyon shells a minyit an dhrops
back FIR another load. They have guns
that fire dinnymite an guns that fire
TIL hateful, sickly-green lyddite that
makes tn inimy look like fiat money