The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-07-01
SMART SHORT STORIES.

Here is a gem from the Oxford Maya
zine: "A few days ago the rector Of
Oxford university received from a gentle
man the following: How much would I
have to pay for the education of my son
in your university? Let me know If I
shall have to pay more in case my son,
besides rowing, should wish to learn to
read and write. "
Dean Dickinson, the dean of Chapel
Royal, Dublin, who preached before the
queen on Good Friday, at the viceregal
lodge during her recent visit to the EN-
eraId Isle, is well known for his witty
repartee. Once when he heard that Mr.
Fitzgerald, surgeon-oculist to the queen
in Ireland was paying a holiday visit to
Niagara, he promptly remarked: Hell
find cataract there that he can't re-
move"
There is no German town in which anti
British feeling is so strong as in Catholic
Munich. The other day priest, walking
along one of the principal streets, noticed
some hats exposed in the shop windows
OF an English halter. He entered and .ex-
claimed, Indignantly: "Take away those
hats!' why. pray?" inquired the hat
ter. ''They are blasphemous!" replied the
priest, Selling one of them and exhibiting
the name of Christie to the amazed hat
ter.
Col. w. o. Tolford tells a good story of
a Hght-colored mulatto who wandered into
one of the restaurants of Washington. D.
c., the other day. When waiter init
mated to him in the gentlest way that he
could not be served there, this conversa-
ton ensued: "Wha' can't Tn be surved
heah?' TITS against the rules" Guess
you TEX me fob a colored man" aren't
your Me colored? No, subj Ise uh Ma
lay" Malay, eh. Let's see; where do
the Malays come from?" why, uh, from
Malaria, OBJ course
A discharged soldier, lately returned
from the Philippines, tells a tale of a
shirt which is 700 good to be lost. His
company was returning from a long and
tiresome scouting trip liz which most OF
the men had parted with the greater part
of their wearing apparel, when he saw
on clothes line in the grounds Of a resi-
dence adjoining big stone church two
very good shirts, hung out to dry IS he
had at the time only hale shirt to his
back, be proceeded to help himself to a
whole one. Whereupon woman came
out Of the house and said to him, in pass
afle English, ''You Will pay for that
on the judgment day" ''MaGam." he re-
piled, IF you give such long credit. I will
take both shirts which he proceeded to
dc.
Thomas Sheridan, the Irish cIcr gyman
and grandfather of Richard Brinsley
| Sheridan, the dralnatist had a great dis
| taste for metaphysical discussions,
whereas his son Tom, the actcr, haG a
great liking for them Tom one day tried
| to discuss with his father the doctrine of
| necessity. pray. father" said he, did
| you ever do anything in state of per-
| feet ndifference-WithOut 1no-i,,a I mean
Of some kind or other?" Sheridan. who
saw what was coming, said: Yes, GER
tainly'' 'Indeed?" Eyes, indeed. +"
What, total indifference-total, entire,
| thorough Indifference" Yes, total, en-
tire, thorough Indifference" INV dear
father" said Tom. tell me what it is
/ that you can do with (nindD total en-
tire, thorough Indifference" Why,
| listen to you, Tom" said Sheridan.