The age-herald., 1900-10-07
Or the Eight
 WI1O Eat as One
BYI COLLIER DowNE.

BY COLLIER DONNIE Its a jolly party = that crowd which E dimes daily at the Table of Life' at the old Morris. Eight of these there be-not bachelors from choice but from necessity. They revel in luXuries because they can afford it, yet they know not the luxury of the life which was given unto them with it's divided pleasures and troubles, the sweetness and purity of the former to master the latter, and cause petty buds of supposed troubles and annoyances to blossom and bloom fully into the pure and radiant colors of earth's greatest happi ness and hopes of eternal bliss in the great beyond.
 But this be neither dream nor blank verse. Let the truth be told and may 1t speak for itself and teach its own lesson of practicablity There be bachelors in Birmingham. They live in hotel because there be not apartment. They breakfast as becomes each, and lunch as pleases; but to dine, they must dine as one, shar- ing each alike in the check to be paid when the fatal end of the month rolls around. They live as the European They pay for what they eat - not what they could eat were the appetite adaptable to all things. The order goes for eight by the first to arrive at the board unless there be a card to announce an absence. The absentee, upon previous notice, is deducted. No notice, his name goes on the check and he pays for his proportonate part of the dinner They be bachelors all-prosperous bachelors who should be otherwise. Maybe some of them will be-some never can be- Men, like houses, are differently construct ed. Some may be doubled; others cannot The slim sapping may entwine it's neigh bor and join their branches forever creating a power causing the admiration of for est, while the rotund oak with its grasp ing and shading branches may, in it's ef forts to reach out, shade into death the tender growth in young life apparently seeking its protecting influence.
 But again I stray. There be eight of them. All in prosperity and plenty, as sal aries, interest and bank accounts go. They make steel, and wheels, and tlmbers, bring waters to the populace, engineer mines finance street railroads, furnish coals, fer tiliZe the earth and do various other things. The steelmaker by day be the ora- tor by night. He is possessed of After Dinner Oratory," and he knows 1t by heart with the frills and furbelows of the supplementary editions edited in the quiet ude of the drafting room by the mining engineer, who has developed to manager and banker by virtue of energy of such intense nature as to have deprived the apex of the head of its sunlit auburn locks. The wheelmaker by day runs his head wheels by night with connecting rod to the tongue, which flaps and Hops and produces noise in proportion. Another saws wood by day and churns gossip by night. Water by day is changed into wit and wisdom and song as the shades Of evening winnow pleasure from business. The financier becomes frivilous. The coal miner having been slain by Cupid dart smiles in his ecstasy of delight, and the hrirpc h9nninPEE and plenty to the farmer goes rapidly to the bone of the viands and thus discusses the component parts of the bones of various eatable animals and afterwards branches off to tell about what he might have been in the world of love.
 They were dining yesternight Seven sat about the board. The chair of His Wheels was vacant He comes, cried the head waiter. The underwriters bowed low as his excellency of rotund figure wobbled in and sat as though for his picture, wear ing rather disconsolate air.
 .iHow are you, Falstaff?" was his greet ing.
 Have you ordered?" he asked.
 "Yes."
 "WeIl, boys, I'm an i'll man; just left my doctor. I've already paid him $15OO and he now tells me I must diet myself pre- paratory to an operation for aquadicular- citis. He says however, if I am extremely careful in my diet that my chances of re- covery are 42i4 per cent. No, can't eat your order-must be careful, you know eat but little and simple foods.
 Calvin" to the waiter, what have you tonight? Step around here quick, you black rascal Calvin suppose you bring me an extra sirloin steak. I'll try one of the fried pork chops also. It may suit nay ap- petite-some lettuce and tomato salad. An, you have cucumbers. Just few sliced, with vinegar poured over them-a few baked beans, some peaches and cream, bit of cheese and coffee. And, by the way is the pompano fresh? Well, bring a half pompano first You might bring me a cock tail in advance. It may give me an appe- tite. That's all, Calvin. Now hurry with it, and don't send any of those corn-feld negroes to wait upon me-" Hw
 Poor fellow" remarked the once au- burn-haired banker sotto voee to his neigh bor He must suffer op such a birdlike diet" Then to a handsome young athlete