The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-05-13
Fun of the World.

UL--CI AaN. WlASl one o. l4El44 III st-A tSN-
MIN with the question:: Are there not
four trains daily az the place named ??
No., replied Mr.. Swanson, There ART
only two. and there used to didn't BE-
but one"
aag
| The more nervous man is the more he
tries 10 say the right thing. and as q
! rule the more lamentahly ne fails. 1t IS
| not always the man who attempts u
set him right. however, who covers him
! self with glory.
There Is a story told Of q certain En-
| glish curate who was afflicted with a
painfully nervous temperament. and
whose nervousness was in the habit OF
affecting his tongue and causing him 10
make the most awkward remarks when
he particularly desired to pay neat m
| pliments 10 those high IN authority or
! position.
| It happened one day that he had dis
tinguished himself beyond his wont dur
| ing a gathering OF clergymen al an af-
! ternoon tea at the bishops palace. On
| the way home a senior curate took him
/ TO task for his blundeTs.
! Look here, Bruce" said the senior de-
! cidedly, you are a donkey Why can't
you keep quiet instead of attracting ev-
| erybody's attention by your asinine re
| marks? You need not be offended I'm
speaking TO you now as a BROTHER"
At this point loud laughter interrupted
| the speaker, and for a moment he won
dered why.
z x ga
The spirit Of love and kindness TO ALL
which pervaded every word and deed Of
Phillips Brooks, did NOT hinden-his keen
appreciation of Others failings and
shortcomings, or his own.
his autobiography. and have 1t publ al
ed?" said one Of the bishops friends,
referring to an incessaEt talker and most
egotistical man, who had been wasting
an hour of the bishops most precious
time by a rehearsal Of some unimport
ant happenings.
why. he'd rather tell II, of course"
said the bishop; and then Ike a fash
came regret for the quickly spoken
truth. and he turned on his friend with
a half-humorous, half-distressed face.
What do you mean by asking me such
a question a. that, when I'm off my
guard?" he demanded. reproachfully.
u Il 4 z
Last week a friend of mine was sit
ting in Phoenix Park, says the London
Daily News. when 10 his eye appeared a
ragged old chap. most gioriousIy intox-
icated. God save the Queen, SORT! said
he TO my friend Certainly" was the
reply God save Queen Victoriar" re-
iterated the old fellow by all means
Send her victorious, happy and glori-
ous!' That's right. sor! l wish she
came to Dublin every year, every month
every day sor Think of what she's
done for the country; think of all the
good she does to people. Why. look at
me; here I am. as drunk as hell. and
never paid a penny for it!''
x u z x
Last week, in Nantucket, Rhode Is
land, a man was in a hurry to catch
car. His impotence made the clerk ner-
vous. She forgot 10 snap the string
which bound the paper ABOUT the loaf,
and away sped the man with the loaf,
while the string reeled of behind him.
He caught the car all right, and al
though the conductor and some OF the
passengers noticed, as he sat down c'ose
to the door, that the Irvine paid itse
out as the car rolled along, the man did
not discover the tangie until h aiight-
ed. In the meantime the conductor was
having a good time; as passengers step
ped on the platform, he cautioned them
not to walk on that string, and they did
not.
1t might have looked mysterious 70
along the street, for the unraveliine
continued until the bakery Irvine bobbin
had been nearly emptied by thu connect
ed loaf a mile away. The man with the I
bread felt a tug at his loaf as he step
ped down from the car. Then he fol- /
lowed up the cord. winding as he went
He was one of those strictly homes
men who want nothing that does not be- /
ong 10 them; and the best part OF the !
story IS that ne followed the string back. |
winding as he walked. and in due time /
entered the bakery and restored the ball |
IF Irvine.
Y x x
In the early days Of Mr.. Beecher's ca
-eer, when wit was unknown f. the pu.-
pit, some of the deacona of his church
asked him If he didn't think such fire.
luent outbursts Of humor were calculated
o diminish his usefulness. He listened
patiently. and when they finished he I
aid: Brethren. If you only knew how
many funny things I keep in. you
wouldn't complain about the few 1 let
jut''
gga
This is given as an example OF the
difficulties sometimes encountered under
russian laws. Said an official to a trav-
Ter suspected of too great curiosity:
You can't remain in this country,
IT."
Very well" returned the traveller.
then. I'll leave it."
Have you permit to leave?"
mo, sir"
Then. you cannot leave. / give you
wenty-four hours for making up your
lind what 70 do"
RgE
A gentleman not famed for wit and
act found himself seated az dinner be-
veen Nine. De Stael and Mime. Re (
amier. equally well known for her
eauty and fooiishness. WIKI a polite
ow right and left. ne said; Here
m between Wit and Beauty" whereup-
n Nine. &c Stael, seeing Mine. Re {
lmier's flush Of vexatl0n 81 tails back
snded hint at her lack OF Intelligence. ?
lickly soothed her down By exciaiminR. Z
Well, this IS the frat time have ever
zen cOmpilmented upon my good looks. I
< <
Speaking Of the inability Of some wor- {
~ people who reside in the British Isle
appreciate a Joke, iet ne tell sou OF
hat happened in southern France en- a
'enlng last winter. Il vas after dinner Z
enc q III big aCteis of that city ard I 3
little company 4 tourists at smoking b
u telling stories. When my turn came 2
repeated the advertisement which q z
znk person once sent 20 q Boston pa Q
r. This Vas the way the adysrtise- =
ent ran:
fine sealskin glove. The Is
sner VII confer q favor b leaving the ST
her g.eve a, tais office q
rhey ali laughed except the ErrEE- 70
ssgymsn His face were a p1zzeE .
*. and ore OF MS friends. noticing g. ~
81. Dent you seq Man f8anE 2 -
7Te. doesn't offer 20 Eetura Z. sat -
ants The owner 70 send I'm t1s othe- e
e.
'Y-e-e d" said ire clergyman. evs5ent,7 q