Union gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1899-1900, 1900-03-16
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| be was shot In the lumbar region.
Yonkers Statesman.
The hostess-I want you to meet Mr..
Cawker. So interesting. you know. He
believes In nothing. The blase one
What enthusiasm!-Life
Diamonds are getting higher and
higher" "Yes, dearie. but we can hx
that all right" How I'VE won't
buy any."-Indianapolis Journal
"Can you give me no hopeT' he Wild
ly cried. YES" sweetly smiled the
| young girl; eff you go out very quietly
papa may not hear you."-Exchange.
| Sunday school teacher Tin Chicago)-
Why did the wise men come from the
East? Bright scholar-B Because they
were wise men.-Philadelphia Record.
Percy-Where were you on your vaca-
ton last summer? Harold-Oh. | went
to Niagara Falls. I'ercy-Whatl Is
that place running yet?-Chicago Jour-
| nal.
First M. <D.-What a lot Of things
| have been found in the vermiform ap-
pendix. Second Nj. D.-And look at the
money that's been taken out Of i'll
Life.
A life of terror: what Is bachelor,
Aunt MarthaY "Oh, he's q man who
thinks every girl that looks at him in
tends to marry him."-Indianapolis
Journal.
l. Hogan-Do you behave in dreams.
Mike? Dugan-Faith an | do! Lasht
| night dremt l was awake. an In the
mornin' me dream KEN thrue.-Prince-
ton Tiger.
what is bad form?" SIT is doing
things in way other people have quit
doing them, or doing them in way
they have not yet heard of."-lndianap-
oils Journal.
Rounder-I see by the papers that
Russell Sage takes deep interest in
American expansion and the Boer
war. Flounder-What per cent?
Town Topics.
Losing Her Grip.-Blanche-Her for
mer football training didn't prove Of
any use to her. May-How's that?
why, she let millionaire slip through
her fingers" Life.
"How is your brother, Tommy"
''Sick In bed, miss; he's hurt hisself."
How did he do thatY' I'VE were play
ing at who could lean farthest out Of
the window. and he won."-Tit-Bits.
She-You hesitated when l asked. you
If were the only girl you had ever
loved! He-Yes; couldn't tell from
your expression whether you wanted
me to say mo" or "yes."-Indianapolis
Journal.
Little Willie-Say. pa. what's the diff
ference between an optimist and pes
simist? Pa-An optimist enjoys q
thing he can't like, and a pessimist
likes a thing he can't enjoy.-Chicago
Daily News.
Talker r Remarkable! Remarkable!
The weather man says the mercury
will drop to zero in twelve hours
lChoker-That's nothing. TaIker-Eh2
What's nothing? Choker-Zero.-Phii-
adelphia Press.
Reporter-Mr. Greatman refuses to
give his views. Editor-Then write
own views to him. We will then get
his views when he repudiates your arti-
cle.-Town Topics.
| Servant-A gentleman at the door
wants to know IL Mr.. Brown lives here.
Mr.. Brown-Tell him no; that Mr..
Brown boards here. Mrs. Brown Is
probably the person he wishes to see.-
Boston Transcript.
Mike-McLusher passed twenty-five
saloons Yesterday widout sbtoppin' in
wan av thin, an him wild a pocketful
av coin. Pat-Hivins! Wor he in
thrance? Mike-Naw; he wor in tn
pathrol wagon.-Exchange.
Con Ceet-Yes. I'm going to the recep-
ton. l understand the beautiful Miss
Hilton is to be there. Cold Fact-Well.
| you don't expect her to speak to you,
do you? Con Ceet-Why not? Is she
so very bashful?-Philadelph Press.
The moral: Sunday school teacher
When the bad children called the old
man "bald-head' the bears came out
| of the woods and ate them up! What
does that teach us? Scholar-To always
climb a tree before calling namesp'-
Puck.
"Will you give me a kiss, Johnny"
asked a spinster of 5-year-old. mo.
indeed" replied Johnny. "Why not?"
she asked. "'Cause If l did the next
thing you would be asking me to mar
ry you," was the unexpected reply
Minneapolis Tribune.
The tramp who had made an unsuc-
cessful application for cold victuals
sold. tsYou don't know what II ia
ma'am," he said, ''to have no friends"
Don't Ir' responded the woman Of the
house, bitterly; "two Of my children
have taken prizes at baby shows?'-
Chicago Tribune.
The Clerk-Really, think you ought
to pay me something extra for tapping
so many postage stamps. 1t makes my
stomach so squeamish that can hard
ly eat anything at all when get home.
The Proprietor-On the contrary, I
think your boarding mistress ought to
pay me something for the saving I
make for her.-Boston Transcript.
Wife (who has been out shopping all
day)-Oh, dear, how tired and hungry
1 am! Husband-Didn't you have any
luncheon in town? Wife-A plate of
soup only; didn't feel that could af-
ford to have more. Husband-Did you
find the hat you wanted? Wife-Oh.
yes; it is a perfect dream, John, and 1t
only cost $2S.-Collier's Weekly.
Color in Medical Practice.
The use of colors as part of medi-
cal treatment Is not a new one. Red
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