The Saint Paul globe., 1900-04-15
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THE EXCUSES OF A CONFIRMED
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AT a. recent meeting. of the Catholic
Women's National league. held in Chica-
go, MISS easherf6e Goggin, q, public
school, teacher Of twenty years. expert
toeexpiain why She has
remained a ,spfnster, in reply to the aues-
ton propounded by the club members as
why she remained single. Miss Goggin
gave nine reasons for her persistent
spfns+erhood. which. were as. follows.
Because he might not be an orphan.
Because he might like tides. -
Because he might be fond of using
spet, names.
Because he might part his hair In the
middle of his head. e'f
Because he might demand an itemized
account of household expenditures.
Because dinner would have to be tax
en- with the same person each day
Because marriage would necessitate
daily 'fetter writing when either he or
she might be away.
-'FBecauSe all the good men seemed to
be married already.
-~;'Because he has not proposed
Owing to it being Lent. Miss Goggin.
while admitting that she COULD have ad-
vanced other reasons said she had de-
terminetl to mertify her desire to elab-
orate, apd had stuck closely to the truth.
It would ebe unkind to suggest that the
eight reasons given are incompetent, ir-
relevant and immaterial." as the young
lawyers say, and that the source ard
prime cause Of Miss tGoggin's, sninster-
hood Hes In the ninth reason stated. to-
wit: ''ffel has not proposed Without
being advised on the subject of the lady's
personal charms or attractiveness, it is
very clear from her answers that, her
mental qualities are far above the ortli-
nary. and that she possesses fnnd of
humor and delightful fancy that should
of itself prove a sufficient, reason fer The
speedy elimination of the ninth reason
from Miss Goggin's list of answers.
The lady expatiated eloquently upon
the ''bird-like" life which she enjoys as
an irresponsible spinster. but the term
''bird-fike" is not happy expression, as
it is liable to different construction. and
except. perhaps, in the case Of the last of
the greaI auSs does not fit the case. the
term as an illustrant is not suitable. All
birds mate. They mate early, often and
in most cases annually. A. large part OF
their life is occupied with the cares OF
family life. 1t is not ali moonlight and
song with them. The mere fact of the
nightingale caroling III the evening hours
is not evidence that he Is not worked
half to death during the days, scratching
for his cIAmorous offspring He is sim
ply taking a night off, and incidentally
singing the babies to sleep. -sTsc'F
There is no freedom from the, respoR-
sibilities OF family life for the bird. He
is perpetpally on the hunt for food TO
keep thsssoeat from the door Ee regards
every thing from the Standpoint of swhat
+is5there: in it forime22siin He sings to snothe
the over-exeited,5 nerves of his spouse and
the youngsters The birds in the trees
are not useful to Illustrate the Kind Of
freedom whiclol Miss Goggin wished to
impress Der hearers was, one Of. the, in
estfmabie privileges of persistent spinster-
hood. White if the lady feferred t5 dornes-
.tfcated birds, it is only necessary to in
dieate the humble and. industrious. hen,
which. while 1t neither spins nor sows, Is
I,perpetuaIly busy with family AFFAIRS
No. Miss Goggin. there Is no valid ex-
cuses for seIf-imposed spinsterbood TIE
only excuse is that He has not yet pro-
posed" and, further. the only ultimate