Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-06-13
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"The doctor says am badly run
down and must go away for six
months" But, John, dear, can't
leave town." "That's part of the cur"
Life.
Doctor Ito patient who wishes to be
treated for an impeachment in his
speech)-Do you always stutter? Pa
tient-O-o-only when I-I-talk."-
Judge.
He said he'd sign the paper, but
every time put it under his nose he
has some excuse" perhaps the gen
tleman doesn't write with his nose."-
Judge.
Mr.. E. Conomy-"what do you mean
by buying all these things. Mrs. q.
Conomy-"Don't get excited, dear;
didn't buy them. had them charged"
Philadelphia Record.
Forced Economy: De Sporte Speak
ing of economy, my brother Jack hasn't
spent cent in five years. Chappie-
Indeed? De Sporte-Yes; but he'll be
out next week.-Harlem Life.
st is queer about Cousin valeria's
old admirers" what is queer"
Why, the farther she gets away from
them the more numerous they appear
to her."-Detrolt Free Press.
Declining Utility: Interviewer-Do
you believe our missionaries do much
good In the East? Herr Landgrub (Eu-
ropean statesman)-Not so much as
they used; the native are getting afraid
to kill them.-Puck.
Winkle-As was sitting in crowd
ed car yesterday, an old lady entered.
Woodland you got up and gave her
your seat? Winkle-No; another man
got ahead of me; but had to wait for
him for nearly five minutes.-Life.
Tom-"He says next year he'll be
getting $4,000 per. Do you believe it?"
Dick-I believe what he meant, not
what you think he meant" Tom-"I
suppose he meant $1,000 per year"
Dick-"No, he meant $4,000 perhaps"
The Goat-"I warn you, about 10 to-
night, the maid is going to elope with
the milkmap." The Watchdog In
deed! How do you know all this?'
The Goat-'I have inside information.
swallowed his ote."-Collier's Week
ly.
McJigger-Poor Henpeck; his wife
never gives him chance to say word.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES wrong there;
there are times when she becomes
very attentive listener. Henpeck talks
In his sleep, you know.-Philadelph
Press.
Mrs. Newwed (handing tramp several
\ biscuits)-Here, my poor man, are some
OF my homemade biscuits: you will
find the saw and AK in the woodshed.
Tramp Closely examining the biscuits)
Are they as bad as that, mum?-Har-
lem Life.
Blobbs-"Poor Bjones has dyspepsia
SO badly that he says his life isn't
worth living" Slobbs-"But Mrs.
Bjones says he insists upon calling in
the doctor whenever he has an ache or
a pain, all the same.-Philadelphia
Record.
Tom-"Of the two. Scribble is I'M
doubtedly the more clever poet" Dick
What? You've admitted yourself
that Tenson was really inspired, while
Scribblers stuff was rot" Toni
know; but Scribbler sells his stuff
Philadelphia Press.
"Well, Willie" said mamma, con-
templating the result of her handi-
work, "papa's old knickerbockers look
very well on you. OF course, they're
a trifie large" Eyes. ma" replied the
bright boy, 81 guess wide ex-pants'
would describe them"
GAS reached home last night saw
our COW running off down the road"
"Well" 81 chased her a mile and
half in pouring rain" "Catch herr"
Eyes; but when got the old thing
back to our yard found out she wasn't
our COW" Journal.
Papa (reaching for the rod)-Now,
young man, I'll attend to you. What
have you to say for yourself? Tommy
Let it come, pop; but, say, as a spe-
cial favor, while you're doing it, please
don't spring that old chestnut about it's
hurting you more'n me.-Philadelphia
Press.
Coming Events: Mrs. Wits Ito sick.
husband)-The doctor has arrived. Mr..
Witts-Then you had better telephone
for the undertaken, my dear. Mrs.
Witts-Why, John, what do you mean?
Mr.. Witts-Well, you know, coming
events cast their shadows before.-Chi-
cago News.
Components of Proposal: Daugh-l
lter-No, mamma. Harold has not pro-
posed as yet; that is, not in SO many
words. Mother-Mercy me, Jane! You
must not wait for words! Proposals
are mostly made. up Of signs, gurgles.
stammers, coughs, hens, haws and
looks, you know!-Puck.
"Lord Raleigh's graceful little act Of
sacrificing his costly cloak SO that the
queen could go dry.shod has been out
done by Western BRIDE" what did
she do?" ION very slippery day last
winter she scattered the cremated ash
es of her first husband on the front
steps so that her second husband would
not slip down."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Mrs. Scaddsleigh-Now, Laura, you
go right into the library and study
your French; here we expect to start
! for Paris the middle of next week and
you haven't looked at single lesson.
, Laura-But, mamma, Il Mrs.
Scaddsleigh-There. there! Go right
along now and learn French; don't
believe In this habit of putting every
thing off till the very last minute.-ChI-