Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1900-10-17

ed speechless."
Starr-Ah, go on. How could thai
be-?
Coulter-It's fact; one Of his hand.
was cut of.
Starr-Well, it's strange how people
will get in the way of cable cars ant
be killed so young. My father lived tt
be an old man. He died at the age o,
SO.
Coulter-Mine died at 1876.
Starr-Go on.
Coulter-Yes, 1876 Eighth avenue.
At the Broadway Music Hall DeWol,
Hopper and Lillian Russell chaff eaci
other for the amusement of the audi
ence. For instance:
Hopper-Say, Lillian, just think o,
US, down here at Weber &, Fields. Why
did you leave comic opera?
Miss Russell-rll tell you some day
some rainy day.
AS they leave the stage, Weber ani
Fields come on, in a small wagon
which Is referred to as a moving side
\ walk.
| Fields-I don't, like those moving
sidewalks. You are liable to pass your.
self mitout knowing it.
Weber-Never mind; are you gla6
you came to Paris to spend your vac.
cination?
Fields-Mebbe. Vat did dot fellow
mean by giving us dot tip on der horse
which did not vim?
Weber, didn't know what he meant
but vot he meant We got.
Fields-But he gave us guarantee
der horse would vim.
WeDer-Yes, but When horse loses
him's guarantee runs out. Und he
we're such a nice looking horse: but he
stood dere when der race commenced
and waited. He wouldn't run.
dem other slobs.
Weber-vell, Why did you pick out
such a high toned horse?
Fields-Never mind, We will make q
million dollars day here.
Weber-Den We will stay two days
Fields-I would like to get my money
insured so dot when spend it could
get 1t back.
Enter Dave Warf1eld as the Hebrew
Warfeld-I want to know If lost
When betted something?
Warfleld-Mebbe, tell us.
Warfeld-Do you know about mill
tary codes?
Sure"
Warfleld-Vhat must q man be be-
fore he can buried be NIT military hon
ors?
Weber-A captain.
Fields-No, generals.
Warfleld-Den I guess lose, cause ]
bet he must be dead.
Warfleld agrees to enter into partner
ship with the other two, and they de-
eide to make him custodian Of their
funds.
Weber-You must be sworned in.
Fields-Yes, you must be sworn.
Warf1eld-I don't know how.
Weber-Raise your right hand.
Weber and Fields in chorus-Swear.
Warfield-Go to hell.
In one scene Hopper says to Field;
mot word. I hold you responsible
for this. You at least have modicum
Of cerebrum and cerebellum."
Weber (aside)-If he said dot to me I
would fight.
Hopper-You may not be one Of those
supersensitive metaphysical natures
that finds its most harmonious setting
in an atmosphere Of empyrean-search-
ing thought or seeks among the altitu-
dinous baths Of psychological research
the mind companionship that can only
there be found by the intellect bur-
dened with an intense and overwean-
ing mentality; but you comprehend in
your mental composition more Of the
gray matter upon which depends intel
ligent conception of relative and cor
relative phenomena than is accorded
to the troglodytes niger or the COM
mon simiadae. therefore hold you re-
sponsible, If not wholly, at least in the
light Of particeps criminis.
He then approaches Warf1eld, asking:
"As for you, what can say to you?"
Warf1eld-I guess you said 1t all to
him."
Hopper should have thought that
common sense would have shown you
that this occiput humana horridis could
not be placed in harmonious justaposi-
tion to the beauteous and neophytic fe-
muir patella tibia and fibula pertaining
to this automata and correlate with 1t
in giving 1t artistic virismilitude. I
pothesis that you have been aborlgfne
and in rerum natura, noncompos men
tis, or to place kinder construction
upon 1t, inter pecula. To make myself
more plainly understood, I might say
to you, in the language Of Cicero:
"Sic peresus Diam asparagus,
Jaborandi medula oblongata,
Siatica rex nux vom1ca."
In one scene John T. Kelly asks
Fields: What would you do for $1O,-
000?"
I'm ashamed to tell you," replies
Fields, and this always brings out
hearty laugh.
Kelly-Are you a married man?
Fields-Sure.
Kelly (turning to Weber)-You're a
married man.
Weber docking at scratches on his