Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-07-15
COVERED WITH SORES.
CURE YOURSELF AT HOME

I'm to be shot if / don't take thin all.
Inin la-ad comes down with a
chain an small glass on three sticks
an gang iv section men that ans
Wers to tn name iv Casey, an pro-
ceeds f'r to put down railroad.
What's this f'r?' says l. We ARE tn
advance guard iv Westhern Civiliza-
Ulon, ne says, an were goin' to give
We railro ad so ye can 20 swiftly to
places that We don't want to see he
says A country that has no rail-
roads IS beneath contimpt,' he says.
casey ne says, stretch tn
chain acrost yon graveyard he says.
aim IF to put tn thrack just befure
that large tombstone marked Riquies-
cat in Pace. James II. Chung-a-lung.
he says. But says |, we will disturb
pah's bones, says |, if We go to layin'
ties says. Yell be mixin' up me OF
man with tn Cassidy's in tn mex lot,
l says, he nivir spoke to save in an
ger in his life l says. 'Ye'er an an
cestor worshiper. heather, says the
la-ad,,' and he goes on to lamp tn
mounds in tn cimitry an ballast tn
thrack with tn remains III tn deceas-
ed. An afther he's got through along
comes Fr-rinchman, an an English
man, an a Rooshan, an Dutchman.
an says wan iv thin: This is a com
Portable lookin' saloon, he says. I'll
take tn bar, ye take tn ice box an tn
T-rest Nv tn fixtures. What f'r?' SAYS
J. I've paid tn rint an TIL license
says |. 'Nivir mind. says he. We're
III REPRESENTATIVES iy Westhern Ciyili-
zation,' he says, an It's tn business
~ Westhern Civilization to cut I'D tn
belongings Nv Eastern Civilization. he
says. Be off, he says. or I'll pull
yeer hair, he says. Well says /.
this thing has gone far enough /
says. I've heerd me good oil cast-iron
gods or JoSses abused, / says, an I've
been packed full Nv canned goods an
tn Peking Lightnin' Express is r-run-
min straight through tn lot where TIL
bones " me ancesthors lies | says.
I've stud it all, | says, but whin We
come here TO bounce me off iy me own
primises. says, III have to take tn
leg iv tn chair to We, l says. An
were to tn fiure.
That's tn way it stands in Chiny
Hinnissy an it looks to me as though
Westhren Civilization was in FIR !. bump
l mind wanst whin dhrunk prize fighter
come UP tn r-road an whit to sleep on
Slayin's steps. Some iv tn good sthrong
la-ads came along an they were near
bein' al blows over who shud have his
watch an who shud take his hat. While
they were debatin' he woke up an begin
cuttin' loose with hands an feet an whIu
he got through he made a collection If III
things they dhropped in escapin' an
marched calmly down III sthreet. Mebbe
twill turin out SO in Chiny, Hinaissy.
I see By tn pa-apers that they'ss four
hundherd millyins iv thin boys an, be
hivins Twuddent surprise me IL whin
they got through batin' US at home, they
might say to thimsllves: Well, here goes
rr a jaunt ar-roun' tn wurruld TIL
time may come. Hinnissy. whin yen he
sguirtin' waiher over Hop Lees shirt
while a man named Chow Fung kicks
down ye'er sign an heaves rocks through
ye're windy Tn time may come, Hin
Missy. Who knowssF'
End ye'er blather.~ said Mr. Hlnnessy.
.'They won be amy Chinymen left sshin
Imp'ror Willum gets through
.-Mebbe NOT" says Mr. Dooley. Hes
a stnrong man. But IN Chinymen have
been on earth long time an don't
see how We can push 50 NANNY w thin
of If it. Anyhow. It's a good thing fFr
us they amt Christians an haven't
larned properly to sight gun.