Passaic City record., 1900-02-17


Second Bike-"What' that?"
First Bike-"Rubber. :" - Detroit
Free Press.
Worked Both Ways.
Mr.. Wackim (having had to chastise
his little son, bitterly)-"Children
are more a pain than pleasure"
Little Son (ruefully rubbing him
self)-'So are fathers"
Rarely Successful.
81 suppose you're skillful watch
maker?''
eyes, indeed! Everybody who gets
me to mend his watch is sure to come
back again and again. ''-Philadelphia
Record.
A Conundrum For the Sage.
The Fool-"Nay, I will ask thee
question:"
The Sage-"What is thy ques.
tion?'
The Fool-''Is a fool a fool if he
makes living at it?"-Puck.
Feminine Intuition.
Hattie-"I'm positive George loves
me and wants me to be his wife,"
Ella-"Has he told you so?"
Hattie-"No; but he has taken such
a strong dislike to mamma. Chicago
News.
The Precocious Youngster.
Tommy-"Mamma, the teacher says
it's wrong to wound anything"
His Mother-s'Yes, dear"
Tommy-"Well, papa wound the
clock last night. The jewelers.
Weekly.
Changed Circumstances.
She-"Oh, Jackl You didn't shool
that poor little bird, did you?"
He-"Why, yes, dear; I thought
you'd like it to trim O hat"
She-"Oh, how good OF you! It's
perfectly ovely"--Philaaelphia Rec
nrd.
Why the Sales Increased.
1T thank you," said the author.
"What!" cried the critic "Why, I
said your book wasn't fit to read
"That's just it," replied the author.
'You couldn't have helped me more.
That's what lots OF people want. -
Chicago Post.
Intinidates Patients.
sThat is the meanest dentist T ever
saw
'The one next door?"
eyes; he keeps q phonograph in
lis Office, and people who have their
teeth pulled are afraid to make .
ound. ."-Chicago Record. .-.
She Never Smiled.
"Were the pipes frozen, dear?"
asked Mrs. Bellefield, when her hus-
baud returned from long executive
session in the cellar.
"No,' replied Mr.. Bellefeld, "the
water i'll the pipes was frozen. That
was all. ."-Pittsburg Chronicle -Telc-
yraph.
The Reason Why.
Jones-"What were the boys all
laughing so heartily over?"
Brown-"Smith got off one OF his
peastly jokes"
Jones-"Why didn't you laugh with
the rest?"
Brown-"It was on me. Ohio
State Journal.
The HitIess Hunters.
City Sportsman-"Any game around
here?'
Farmer-"Yes; the woods ere full
Of it. ;"
City Sportsman supposed it had
been pretty we'll killed off by now."
Farmer-"Oh, no. No one ever
hunts around here but you city fell
lows. ."-Chicago News.
An Omitted Question.
care there any seats?" asked the
nervous old lady, as the conductor
helped her on the car.
"Plenty, madam" replied the man,
gently pushing his passenger inside.
''But they are all occupied" said
the lady, with look along the aisle.
''True, but you didn't ask about
that" - Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
MIS-. HOODS touo possesses SUCH
@ versatile mind"
Mrs. NobD--"How does it display
itself?"
Mrs. Hobbs-tWhy, for instance,
I've seen her plan out gown, and
give her husband the impression that
she was listening to what he said, all
at one and the same time. Detroit
Gree Press.
BH.-hted Hopes.
The boy was ambitious, and replied
that he would like to be paid s.. so u
week to start with.
But his employer was hard man.
''I will pay you SIS week, said this
person brusquely.
So were the boys aspirations
crushed. He could not hope ever to
become rich man after beginning his
career with any such respectable
H..