davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03


AS / stand heah an gaze ober de barb
ed wire fence dat separates de present
| from de fucher my blood runs cold.
(Shivers an over the hall.) 1t am a
pictur' to make me groan in despair.
On dis side of de fence am Innocence,
clothed in her white robe an peace
fully plantin her cowcumber patch. On
de odder side an Vice, dressed up in
a swallertailed coat an holdin a razor
in either hand an thirstin fur de blood
of a nashun. (Groans, signs and
cheers all shaken up together). limo
cence am strollin along, u~nsuspicious
of danger, while Vice am waitin to glib
her SIGH a swipe wild one of dem razors
as will leave her a headless corpse.
successive shudders). Do yo' see de
parallel? Do yo' perceive de obesity
of de ~pomposity? An do yo' remark
de consanguinity Of de eminent perco-
losity? II yo' do, 1t may not be too
late. If yo' don't. den may heaven
help de reflex of de Jurisprudence.
(Deafening and long continued APP
plause, during which another window
was shattered).
Il ar listenin to de east, de MORT, de
| south an de west, an I'm hearin de
tramp, tramp, tramp of millyuns of
men. Oar comes fioatin up to me on
de eavenin breeze de voices of an
| army, an, perrin frew de darkness, l
kin see de ripplin of banners an de
wavin Of flags. Sensation and cold
| chills.) 1t am not one army alone, but
a dozen. DER feet am shakin a CONT
nent as dey march. De sound of DER
drums am film de ears of a nashun.
De rustic of DER banners am like a
mighty wind sweepin down a mighty
mountain to uproot trees which hev
defied de gales of a thousand vars.
(Deathlike silence, with eyes rolling
toward the ceiling.) An what does
desc sights an sounds mean my
fr'en's? Dey mean dat de fifteen mill
yum electors of de United States hev
gathered into regiments an ~brigades an
armies to do battle fur principle. 1t
means dat right heah on de sile soaked
gwine to be SIGH a battle between In
tegrity and Dishonor as will make de
faces of men turn pale cl'ar to de ut
termost parts of de airth. Gigantic
%applause.) 1t means dat de multiple
ity Of de impetuosity has got to eventu-
ate in a permanent determination of de
ingenuousity an dat yo' will be called
upon to de last man to maintain de in
formality. (Outburst which ripped shin
giles off the roof, tore up the floor and
lifted one end of the hall a foot high.
1t was five minutes before the speaker
could resume.)
Eyes, it I'm goin to be a battle to de-
eide whether Innocence or Vice sha.l
rule dis kintry. 1t am gwine to be fit
between fathers, sons and brothers. 1t
will be naybur ag'in naybur. (Shud-
ders and sighs). When it am ober, de
dead will strew de ground like autumn
leaves, an de sight of blood will be red
upon de land. | hev come a thousand
miles to talk to yo', but it am useless
to AK yo' as members of de Postum
party whar yo' stand. Yo'r cheers hev
answered dat question. Yo' hev taken
de side of Integrity an Innocence.
repeated cheers. Yo' hev gathered
yourselves into a legion, an wild drums
beatin an flags fyin yo' will march
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

But 1t wasn't. That wolf either ate that
boy up or he didn't, and the youngster
on the lounge wanted to know. He began
bowling with redoubled yigor. and Mr..
Bowser determined on his death. He
wouldn't kill him in the house. but he
would take him to tine river and cast him
In. lie had just picked the howler up
ard got him under his arm. and the cat
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03
GAINED FIFTY POUNDS.

Mrs. Mary Z. Lewis, of Tanner, Gilmer Co., w. Va.
writes ~ will always recommend DR.. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery, 'Favori.e Prescription and Pleasant
Pellets for they cured me when doctors and other medi-
cines failed. For fifteen years / suffered untold misery.
When l commenced taking DIR. Pierce's medicines, / had
given up all hope of ever getting well. 1 could not lie
down to sleep, and everything / ate would almost cramp me
to death. Was very nervous and could hardly walk across
the room. 4 only uetghed Ninety pounds when 1 CON-
menced taking these medicines six years ago 1 nom ueiqh
one hundred and fo1y Ponnds, and am having better health
than ever before. Ny friends all cay they can hardly
believe that l am the same person after being sick 50 long
I haus changed TO Be robust ana rosy checked. I haye taken
fifteen bottles of Discovery fifteen of the Prescription /,
and fifteen of the Pellets / take great pleasure in recon-
not been for them l would not have been living to-day.s
There is no alcohol in "Golden Medical DHcoSefys
and it contains no opium, nor other narcotic. It is
not a %stimulant, im~parting a false strength, but Q raa@
fesh-forming, bodybuilding medicine. OF course
the medicine does not build the body or mako feah.
no medicine can do that. But the Discovery " cures
diseases of the stomach and digestive and nutritive
systems, and enables the assimilation of food by
which alone flesh is formed and strength r~egained.
If you are encouraged to try "Golden Medical
Discovery" do not be put off with an imitation or
substitute medicine, such as some dealers win offer
for the sake of a little more profit, claiming that il il
I" Just as good" There is nothing just as good a.
Dr.. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery for the cure
of diseases Of the stomach and other organs Of diges-
ton and nutrition.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

Office OF a well known Columbus att0r-
ney the other day and after stating his
case said.
"Now ! knows yous . lawyer. boss.
but | wish you'd pIease. sab. jes tell
me de troof bout dis mattef.-ohlo
state Journal.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

THE man who sits next to you at
the boarding house table seems to be
the only n who is perfectly salts
fed" she remarked.
Yes; he's deaf" was the reply.
What has that to do with it?"
He doesn't have to listen to the
inane young man with the incipient
mustache or the girl with the giggles."
Chicago Post
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

Assam, have Kabiff, the corn dealer,
tied up and given a hundred whacks, well
laid on
For short weight. o Ruler?"
mo; for lying. Then lave the butcher,
the merchant, the shoemaker. and any
body else you can catch tied up and given
the same dose"
For lying, o Ruler"
mo; for telling the truth. What we
want in this thing is a happy medium
neither falsehood nor truth. but lots of
enthusiasm and all the tax o we can
get hold Of"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

Coming to the market-place, the Sultan
began inquiring of the people right and
left. 1t was hard times with all, and all
bitterly inveighed against hin and his Of
ficers. All but one. He was a corn deal
er. who recognized the great Ruler in
spite of his. disguise, and SO he called out:
'The times are good. Money is plenty.
Great is our Sultan and his government is
the best on earth"
Half an hour later the Sultan was back
in his palace and saying to his Grand
ViZier:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

was looking on with great satisfaction.
when the ladies returned and the murder
was prevented
Woman said Mr. Bowser after the
mother OF tie child . departed with
him in her arms. Hths Law VIII prob
ably allow you alimonyt~
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

puscles of health. Many diseases remote from the
stomach are cured by the use of "Golden Medical
Discovery" because such diseases have their origin
in a diseased condition of the stomach and its allied
organs of digestion and nutrition. The whole BODY
(and each separate organ of il, depends for strength
on the nourishment extracted from, food. When the
stomach only partly extracts tn elements of nourish-
ment from the food eaten, thin the body is only
partly fed. In as far as the organs lack nourishment
they are starved, and starvation means weakness.
Hence "weak" heart, "weak" na YES, weak" or
sluggish liver, and other "weak" q gans are cured
when the "weak " stomach is cured and made strong
again by the use of "Golden Medical Discovery"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03
GAHsEO FzFTY-sENEw POUNDS.

II had been troubled with catarrh Of the stomach and
heart trouble" writes Mt. w. D. Merchant, of Tyiersburg.
Clarion County, Pa. cHad doctored for some time without
relief, then | began to take DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery: took seven bottles. Before l began to take it
I wetghed I9 pounds, and non I aeigh I76. I am work
ing steadily and feel like a well man. I send you many
thanks"
DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery cures dis
eases of the stomach and other organs Of digestion
and nutrition. 1t increases the activity of the blood
making glands, so that the body is supplied with an
increased flow of pure blood, rich in the red cor
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

That's straight talk unused the Ruler
as he turned away; and a few minutes
later he was asking a shoemaker how
times were with him.
I'm going to throw up my trade n
turn thief" was the reply. From the
Sultan to his lowest mental all are thieves
and r~ascals, and they are the only ones
who get along"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

VT DIS Why DIS Ex-
~citementf"
triumphant on de battlements of integ-
rity. (Yells of Innocence, the colonel,
patriotism and all the rest.) Oar may
be some heah who am not used to fol-
lerin de epicurean flights of oratory,
an fur DER benefit / will add dat am de
individuality of de a~dvisability am dc
most calamitous confiagrashun of dis
disastrous continuity. TREMENDOUS
applause, with four panes OF glass
smashed out Of an alley window
Patriots of a glorious republic, de
gineral situation which we must con-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

And the evidence Of weight both go to
show that the sick who gain in health
gain in flesh. The only gain in weight
which is unhealthy is the gain which
comes from an accumulation of fabby
fat. Loss Of flesh is one of the foremost
signs Of failing health. IF you have lost
weight and are gaining health by medical
treatment, you will gain in flesh and the
scales will tell the tale.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

and hygienAc knowledge for
ne pFOa6cNo OF health wifi be eager to possess a cory Of Dr. PAerOess
0mns0 Sense Aaedxcas Adviser. This great book contains sOO6 large
pages IS sent free O n recei1f OF stamps to pay expense Of manurg
0ny- Send 81 0ne~cenf stamps (expeHse of mailing OHY ~ for lire BOOK
n CLOTH bHdxnA o 2f stamps for the volume In paper covers.
address: Dr. a. W PIERCE, Buffalo, ~ y.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

came a lion. The lion was hungry and
wanted to eat the boy up. The boy be-
gan to cry, but the goat said to him
Let's see. What did the goat say? I
don't remember just what he said, but
but
There was no fiinis, and there were
bowls and sobs and lamentations from
the kid on the lounge. He wanted to
know whether the goat ate up the lion
or the lion ate up the boy, and Mr..
Bowser had left it all a mystery. He
was picked up and danced around the
room, but he added kicks to his bowls.
He was carried up stairs and down
stairs, but ne would not be quiet. There
came half formed ideas of throwing
him out Of a back window or chucking
him into the coal bin, but he was at
length returned 10 the lounge.
Then Mr. Bowser swore about 20 swear
"NAAS - 4tkAllrEll dfs 0ESdA. 1V4 hlD&
that a boy should always mind what his
father and mother tell him. EHowls
cease.l II he doesn't, then he is a bad
hoy and something Will happen TO him 1
once knew a boy whose name was Sammy.
He was about as old as YOU are and about
as mean. One day he wanted to throw
the clock out OF the window. but his
mother said: Sammy don't do that II
You DO, a wolf viii come ard eat you UP
What did that boy do2 He waited until
his mother went down to the store, and
then he threw the clock out. He didn't
believe that a wolf would come. but that
same afternoon, when he was playing in
the back yard. a great big wolf. with eyes
as big as teacups and q tail ten feet long.
Jumped over the back fence and growied
and growIsd. and the boy yelled for his
mother. and the wolf showed his teeth,
and-and-well. all
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

Say. I've got a new story on Brown"
TELLS IT'D
Yes, that's a new one on Brown. It
was on Jones when you told It to me
before."-Chicag0 Tribune.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

That's one On me. said the Sultan to
himself as he continued on his way. He
presently came upon a merchant sitting in
his bazaar with nothing to do, and upon
inauiring how trade was the merchant
bitterly replied:
'There is no trade, nor can there be any
as long as the Sultan and his officers tax
the people to death"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

Knew "A Lawyers Failing.
A colored citizen dropped into the
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

But what forg' she asked.
Divorce he hoarseiy replied. "1hs
limit has been reached. NJ lawyer Will
serve the papers On your lawyer to-mor-
row. and you can go home TO your
mother by the 10 o'clock train.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03
GAINED TWENTY POUNDS nv TWO
NONTWSy

III wish to say to the world that DR.. Pierce's Golden Med
ical Discovery has proved a great blessing to me- writes
Ellen E. Bacon, of Shutesbury, Franklin Co., Mass, cas +
firmly believe I should be in q very bad state now if had
not taken it. Prior to September, 1897, I had doctored for
course of treatment without any real benefit. In sepfem-
Der, 1895, l had very sick spells and grew worse could cat
but little. / commenced in September, 1897, to take DIR.
Pierces medicine and in a short time / could eat and work
/ have gained tpeny pounds in tho ,onMs.p
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

Mr.. Bowser wasn't quite ready yet to
do murder, and SO he gaspingly began:
well, you know, there was once a boy
named Willie Scott. 1.-THE bowls ceas-
ed.l He had a goat. 1t was a black
goat. You've seen a goat, of course.
He has horns and climbs over fences.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

This goat loved the boy because he was
so kind to IL Some boys would hit a
goat with a crowbar If they got mad.
but Willie never even struck his goat
with a stick. II ever you get a goat
and want him to love you. don't abuse
him. A goat has feelings as well as q
boy. Well. one day Willie and bis goat
were out on the sidewalk. and along
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-03

Once upon a time the Sultan of Bagdad
took a walk by himself, without his whis-
kers, and in disguise to hear the
people might be talking about. Coming
upon a butcher at his door,, The sultan
asked him how his business was, and In
reply the butcher said:
bad as can be with a Sultan who is
reckless and -extravagant and has no care
for the welfare of his people"
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
STATE OF ONO, CITY OF TOLEDO, .,
I.UCAs COtJyTY

Frank j. Cheney makes oath that he is the
senior partner of the firm of +. j. Cheney
& Co., doing business in the city of Toledo,
County and State aforesaid, and that said
firm will pay the sum of One Hundred Dol
cannot be cured by the use of Halls Catarrh
Cure. FRAN j. CHENEY.
Sworn to before me arr described in my
presence, this 9th day ofDecember, A. ID.
1886. A. w. GLEASON,
[Seal] Notary Public.
acts directly on the blood and mucous sur.
faces of the system Send for testimonials,
free. F. j. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
Try Grain-Oi Try Grnin-Ol

Ask your grocer to-day to show you a
package of GRAIN-O, the new food drink
that takes the place of coffee. The children
may drink it without injury as well as the
adult. All who try it like it. GRAIN-O
has that rich seal brown of Mocha or Java,
but it is made from pure grains, and the
most delicate stomachs receive it without
distress. Ia the price Of coffee, Is cts. and
IS cts. per package. Sold by all grocers.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
willing to show EN-.

An honest young man, who had escaped
great peril by an act of heroism was much
complimented for his bravery
One lady said: Il wish could have seen
your feat"
Wherupon he blushed and stammered,
and finally pointing to his pedal extremities,
said: We'll, here they be, mum."-St.
Louis Globe Democrat.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
prono.ea AII,ancc Mlth England.

form an alliance, the combined strength would
be so great that there would be little chance
for enemies to overcome us. In like man
ner, when men and women keep up their
bodily strength with Hostetter's Stomach
Btters, there is little chance Of attacks from
disease. The old time remedy enriches the
blood, builds up the muscles, steadies the
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
unweIcome Friendship.

faced passenger, that am friend to the
Beers, all the time"
'Well," said the slim passenger, who was
in a corner of the car, where he couldn't
escape, II hadn't thought much about it,
but if you are with them ! am sorry for
them myself Indianapolis Press.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
Not Too Well Done.

Pepprey-No, l won't have anything more
for you Your work last week displeased me
very much.
it we'll done?
eyes, too well done. l like my shirts
rsre." -Philadelphia Record.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
Do Your Feet Ache and purn,

Shake into your shoes, Aliens Foot Ease,
powder for the feet 1t makes tight or New
Shoes Feel Easy: Cures Corns, Itching,
Feet All Druggists and Shoe Stores sell
it, Csc. Sample sent FREE. Address,
Allen B. Olmsted, lie Roy, N. Y.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

Mistress-"Bridget, wish you wouldn't
be so boisterous with the butcher" Bridget
--"Shure, mum, it's him that does all the
cuttin' up. Philadelphia Record.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
To win undyins Fame.

Some day, to shift the small boy to an
earthly paradise, somebody will INTRODUCE
a fenceless baseball park and his fame will
last forever.-Pttsburgh Times.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

II requires no experience to dye with
PUTNAM FADELEss DYES Simply boiling
your goods H. the dye is all that's necessary
Sold by all druggists.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
The shriner. at wn-hinrton.

On May 18th, 10th and 2lst the Big Four and
c. 4 q. will sell round trip excursion tickets
to Washington at one fare for round trip.
For maps rates, etc, address j. c. Tucker,
G.. n. A., 234 Clark ST., Chicago
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

1t is not considered good form for a red
haired girl to ride white bicycle. This is
important and should be remembered
Danville Commercial.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
Coughing Lends to Communion.

Kemp's Balsam will stop the Cough at
once. Go to your druggist to-day and get a
sample bottle free. Large bottles rs and 80
cents. Go at once; delays are dangerous.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

l do not believe Piso's Cure for Consump
ton has an equal for coughs and colds
John +. Boyer, Trinity Springs, Ind, Feb
Is, 1900.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
Recreation.

"Bave you had vacation this summer,
Mr.. Cavil?" asked Tenspot.
"Well, my wife took me to the cemetery
once to see the grave of her first husband.i-
Judge.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
OstentatiOn.

"Such ostentation l never saw in my life"
her return from church on Easter Sunday.
"What was it, my dear?" asked Mr.. Mug
get, who had remained at home.
"Why, that odious Mrs. Placer had her new
bonnet festooned with strings of dried
heanso
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

The hen.pecked husband finds small con.
ISOLATION in the fact that she won't let any
one else nag him.-Chicago Democrat.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

"A sailor says the sea always washes in
dirty weather.-Chicago Daily News.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

BE polite to some people, and they will at
once become. disagreeable and impudent.-
Atchison Globe.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

Beauty marred by bad complexion may
be restored by Glenn's Sulphur Soap.
Hills Hair and Whisker Dye, so cents.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

The only reason some persons pay their
debts is SO that they will feel free to borrow
again.-N. Y. Press.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19

All liars are not horse jockeys.-Ch Chicago
Democrat.
The L'Anse sentinel. (L'Anse, L.S., Mich.) 18??-current, 1900-05-19
To Cure a Cold In one Da,

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. A
druggists efund none ifitfails TO cure. 25
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1900-10-19
PAYNE WILL BET.
Vice Chairman OF Republican Com.
nfttce Has Some Election Proposi.

WE 3@NHiiEIIINL Oh HepuOI1Can Com.
nittce Has Some Election PROPOSE.
ttons.
Chicago, Oct. 19.-Henry c. Payne,
vice chairman of the republican ma
tional committee, is not considered by
those Who know him best as a plunger,
La daring Speculation nor vet a betting
man, but he has declared his willing
ness to bet two to one that Bryan does
mot have as many electoral votes this
year as he received in 1896. According
to Executive Chairman Johnson, at
democratic headquarters betting is a
gamblers argument, but the fact re-
mains that the republicans are just as
confident of McKinley's recollection by
q large majority as Mr.. Payne,s pro-
posed wager indicates. Bryan got 176
electoral votes four years ago.
Il don't believe Bryan can gain
enough votes to make up for the states
he is sure to lose in the west, said
Vice Chairman Payne. ION that as
sumption am willing to risk money
at odds of two to one that he doesn't
set as many electoral votes as he did
in 1896. Speaking OF wagers. I have
a bet in my hands which i would like
to get rid of. When came to Chi
scago several months ago we'll known
business man here told me that Illinois
would give Mckinley 100000 majority.
Il didn't believe it. 1t seemed too good
to be true, and I bet him that he had
the majority too high. Well, I,want to