Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-09-13
STORIETTS.


James Mcneil Whistler was once
painting portrait of distinguish
ed novelist, who was extremely clever
but also extremely ill-favored. When
the portrait was finished. the sitter
did not seem satisfied with it. "You
don't seem to like it." Whistler said.
The sitter confessed that he did not,
and said in self justification: You
must admit that il is bad work of
art" Yes" Whistler replied; "but
think you must admit that you are
bad work of nature"
Among all the horrors of war, hui
morous situations often occur. An
English army surgeon in South Afri-
ca tell an amusing story of an Eng
lishwoman of high rank who was en-
crossed by the charms of amateur
nursing. One morning, on approach
ing the cot of a soldier to whom she
had given especial attention, she
found him with his eyes tightly clos
ed and piece of paper pinned on
the sheet, on which was written: Too
i'll to be nursed today. Respectfully,
j. L."
ployed by certain flash newspapers to
write accounts of all sorts of events
land sign his name to them. In the
course of his contact with the sport
ing fraternity the ex-senator made
the acquaintance of John l.. Sullivan,
and one day, after examining the pu-
eilist's muscles and beating tattoo
on his chest, he asked; sullivan,
rhxrI L, ,.,,
and try to win the championship
from Corbett?" For the same rea-
son." answered Sullivan, that you
didn't enter the race for senator; /
consider one Knockout enough"
/ heard good story the other day,
says the Denver Times, and maybe
you have heard it, too; but, anyway,
it is worthy of fepetition:
Dan Grogan was prosperous
contractor, and he had four boys.
great, big, strappin' fellys, wild hands
on EN- like canvas hams, an wan day
whin Dan doid these same buccos
had floral pilly made fer i'm, wild
Papa in purple immartels ophon
ct. Phwat do yees tink av thin,
Papa and thin wild hans as big as
hams?
"Wcll, they tuck Dan, pace be to
his soul, out ia the cimetehy, and
phwin they got i'm thayre the pail
bearers all walked along and dhrop-
ped a clod av dirt upon i'm, and
thayre whOit gloves as well, and thin
the undertaken kim along wild the
pilly. He bumped up against Mick
mccarthy, and knocked off the first
y on Papa and ct left only "A. p
A. Thin they tellyphoned fher the
caraner."
When a certain old Dominican
father, after forty years of honest
service in the Philippines, had ar
rived at such an advanced age that
he knew his time for this world was
short. his brother padres asked him
to write a book detailing his expert
ences. He consented, but added mo
one shall see it while | live, but when
] am gone you will open my private
chest and there you will find the man
uscript." Recently the old man died,
and, after he was buried, the Domni-
can fathers opened the chest and
found therein a vast bundle of manu-
script sewed together in the form of
a book. On the cover were these
words: ''The characteristics, Habits
and Customs of the Filipino People.
BY Father --, ID. 0. NJ. Prepared
as a Result of Forty Years Careful
Study and Observation of the Race"
They opened it to the third page and
found it blank. There were three
hundred blank pages. On the very
last sheet was written these words:
This is all / know, after forty years
study, of the Filipino people"