Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1900-05-08
F[ASHE ) J
8 ~ :

Johnnie. how would you divide thirs
teen apples equally among fourteen
boys!" Make 'en into apple sauce.
sir!"-Lfe.
Sour: Irene-That Miss Weldon looks
like squeezed lemon, Clarissa-She
isn't, though She's just dried lemon
Chicago Tribune.
A New York symphony: He-So far.
dear. our married life has been zone
grand, sweet song" She-Y darling;
in one fiat Philadelphia Bulletin.
Bound to get there: Hes an active
business man. isn't he? Never loses o.
bit of time" That's right. He even
writes running hand philadeiphia.
Bulletin.
Which is the head barber?" inquired
the customer. Were all head bar
bers." replied the artist; what did you
suppose we were-corn doctors2"-
Yonkers Statesman.
Teacher-Make a sentence contain
ing the word pursuit. Bright Boy
(who reads the papcrsl--Were ten dol
lars, now seven dollars and ninety-nine
cents per suit-Exchange,
The pater--If my daughter marries
you ! wish her to live In the style To
which she has been accustomed. The
suitor-That's all right, sir; your home
shall be ours.-Town Topics.
Trying: The Rev. Boresumm-Ah.
Brother Sinner, trust that you are OBJ
serving Lent properly. Sinner-Wen.
| am going TO hear you preach every
Sunday. American
Tommy-Pop, what is vulgar ostenta-
ton? Tommys father-Vulgar osten-
tation, my son, is the display made by
people who have more money to do 1t
with than we have ourselves.--Phila--
delphia Record
In Chicago. Excited lady (at the tele~
phone)--I want my husband. please, at
once. Voice (from the exchange
Number. please? Excited lady (snap-
pishly)-only the fourth, you impudenr
thing!-Exchange
Superfuous: Parke Some women
arc never satisfied; my wife almost in
sisted last night upon my taking her
to some play. Lane-But you didn'tf
Parke-No, sir! Why. I've seen every
thing there is.--Life.
Visitor-W What was the matter with
the man they just brought in? Dotor
Stuck his head through n pane of
glass. Visitor-How did he look? Doc
tor-His face wore an injured express
sion.-Baltimore News.
An accident; Kindly gentleman Tin
alarm)- Goodness! Have you had an
accident. little boy? Little boy-Yessir;
n turrible accidentl Kindly gentleman
-Graciousl What was It? Little boy
/ met pop when | wus playin' hockey
Bazaar.
Butterfly Magnificent, sir. There are
| scenes in your comedy that Shak-
speare could not have writton. Dapter
You are too kind, really. butterfly
/ Not at all, sir. Take. for instance, that
railroad smashup in the third act
! Brooklyn Life.
The Photographer-H Here, sir, are the
cabinets that your son ordered OF me.
| The Father regarding onel-The pic
! ture is certainly very like him; and he
has paid you? The Photographer-No.
sir. The Father-That is still mors
like him.--Tit-Bits.
Hope Deferred: Husband-Yes. II
| would make a nice addition TO our In
come; but the old fellow is good for 81
dozen years at least. I'm afraid Wife
That's so like you, Paul, dear; you
have no faith! have been taught to
believe in a Providence Brooklyn
Life.
! Mistah Johnsing-Yo' am de sweetest
gal heah, Miss Darknite! Miss Dark
| nite-Now, Mistah Johnsing, yo' dis
stop dat TALKS blushin'. / knows I
u.s. Nistah Johnsing-'D yo' Amt,
honey-yo' am de kind oh flowah dat
am bohn tub blush unseen Ohio State
| Journal.
| Teacher-How many Of my scholars
can remember the longest sentence
they ever read? Billy-Please. mum.
| l can. Teacher-What! Is there only
| one? Well. William. you can tell tho
rest of the scholars the longest SEN
tence you ever read. Billy -Imprlson-
ment for life. -TitBits.
Heart to Heart Condolences: Pertie
| Goodwin-Don't tell anybody, for the
world! See this ring? Art Smasher
slipped it on my finger last night
| Meena Zevver-Yes. it's nice looking.
/ but it will make black circle around
your finger before you've worn It q
week. 1t did on minc-Chicago Trib-
| une
The burglar listened. There was no
noise. The family, at the supper table
below, did not suspect his presence.
Cautiously he threw back the bed
clothes and opened the corn-busk mat
tress. "Shucksr he muttered. huskiTy
extracting a roll Of bills and box OF
! jewelry; I had got all ready to say 'ET-
celslor? "Chicago Tribune.
at is a constant wonder to me-" said
the student Of human nature. ito see
| how quickly the minds OF some men
act. met a man the other evening
| who had an intellectual grasp that was
astounding. | met him In the hall just
as he was reaching for an umbrella
is that your umbFellaT he inquired
NO, replied l. Tn that case he an
swered, it's mine"
4 u-t.. UseaIsfy