Mesa free press., 1900-07-13
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It's not half so unlucky to walk un-
der a ladder as it is to fall off of one.
She-Have they decided what the Ma
tional air is? He-Oh, yes! She-What
is it? He-Millionaire.
Here's Smiths note for $1OO. I
doubt If it's worth more than the paper
it's written on" Eyes. Say $5O."-De-
troit Journal.
He-"Why are you SO sad, dear"
She-"Oh. my friend Irma has told me
a secret, and I've forgotten what it isv
-Heitere Welt.
Customer-"1've got money to burn
and l want the best wheel you have"
Dealer-"That's all right. We have BIZ
cycles to scorch. Detroit Free Press.
"Dicky, if you were polite you would
get up and offer that lady your seat"
t"Bst. pa, she's too big for my seat; you
better offer her yours. s."-Chicago Rec
ord.
First Deaf Mute-"We all have our
troubles" Second Deaf Mute-"That's
so; have to tie my wife's hands so
she won't talk in her sleep."-Harper's
Bazar.
Beggar Ito gentleman)-Do you hap
pen, sir, to have lost your purse? Gen.
tleman feeling in his pockets)-No!
Beggar-Then you can let me have
! little assistance.
Briggs-"I Lops you have not been
worrying about that five l owe you"
Griggs-"Not bit, old man. If had
/ never would have let,you have it,
Detroit Free Press.
Tommy-"Say, papa" Mr.. Figg-
"Well, what do you want?' What Is
manifest destinyY" "It is another
name for an overbearing disposition"
indianapolis Press.
First Correspondence native run
ner has arrived, but the Beers waylaid
him and he swallowed his dispatches.
Second Correspondent-Oh, well! that's
probably more than the public would
have done.
you've got your linen suit on trife
early, Hopkins" Eyes, but my folks
are interested in rummage sale, and
when ] carry my clothes around with
me know where they are."-Indianap-
oils Journal.
Nodd-"I wonder if miracles will ever
happen again." Todd-"One happened
at my house only the other day. A
thunderbolt struck within a few feet
of my wife, and she was speechless for
thirty minutes"
Nell-Mad at him? Why, he wrote q
lovely poem to her. Believes; but
she never read it. When she saw the
title she tore the whole thing up in a
fit Of anger. You see, he called it,
"Lines on MabePs Face"
"The Dwiggses are queer people"
"Whats the matter nowY "Well,
somebody in the neighborhood broke
their lawn mower last summer, and
they are round taking up a collection
to buy new one."-Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
81 want to marry your daughter"
said Foxey. "Have you spoken to her
yet?" asked the father. NO." replied
the suitor. "You see, want to get your
refusal, so that l will have something
to work on."-Philadelphia North
American.
"Yes, he started a hotel and he's
made hit, too. You know the old
established place across the street ad-
vertised itself as a hotel with all the
comforts of home.'" "Yes." "Well,
he advertised his place as a hotel with
out the discomforts of home "-Phila-
| delphia Press.
The Tramp (who has been given q
pair of old shoes)-Pardon me. lady,
but do yer know where yer husband
bought desc? The Lady-Why do you
ask? The Tramp-Because it's likely
de store he got dem frum shines dere
shoes free Nv charge, an dat would
save me lot Of labor.
"Where's your watch?" asked the OBJ
servant man. 'Why, here it is" re-
piled the man whose prosperity had
slipped a cog or two recently. "But
tnat's a silver Que. The one you used
to carry had handsome gold case"
Well-er-circumstan alter cases,
yea know"-Philadelph Press.
The last anecdote about DR.. Randall
Davidson, Bishop of Winchester, is
| told in the London Outlook. After a
recent function, as the clergy were
| trooping in to luncheon, one of the
most unctuous observed: Now. to put
a bride on our appetites." Nov, to
| put a bit between my teeth" retorted
| the Bishop.
"Biggars, believe, is really sorry lie
married the widow" Think "Ies.
She doesn't seem to care whether he
stays out late or not. 1t makes him
mad to see the other married fellows
acting like runaway schoolboys when
they are out after hours, and he knows
he has no call to do anything of that
d."-1ndianapoli Press.
The Reward of Virtue.-Employer-