New-York tribune., 1900-03-05
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

An Army officer tells this story: "One OF my
chaplain friends was Army transport going
south with officers and men from various resl-
ments. The officers were playing CARDS IN the
cabin from morning to night. When Sunday came
the chaplain took good supply of reading matter
from his cabin and hand with 1t as the
breakfast table cleared off and the oficers
were getting ready to play cards as usual. step
ping to the head of the table he SAID good
naturedIv: Gentlemen. tracts trumps to-day
and It's my deal All right, chaplain the orhcerS
responded give us a hand The books and
prayers given out. No cards were played thst
day The chaplain had his opportunity unhindered'
because he showed tact in his way OF presenting
his case
Suggested CrcmThsre hH,r is Eea no
istic but ! think the Ice scene could De improNed
The Manager-In what way? .s..-
The Critic-Well you know the dogs are after
Eliza?
The Crtc-Wen why not have an % up lId to date d dGg
with the gallery gods.-(Chicago News.
An English journal has discovered these curious
epitaphs taken from some old tombstones:
Here lies the body Of
John Smith.
Buried in the cloisterS;
II he don't jump at the last trump
CaI oysters!
Under this yew tree
Buried would he be
because his father-he
Planted this yew tree.
Samuel Gardner was blind In eye, and in a
moment of confusion he stepped out of receiving
and discharg!ng door in one Of the warehouses;
into the inerabIe glorles of the celestial sphere
n ~ Neher. of Stockton has invented simple
device for hobbling poultry which promises TO make
him fortune. The hobble consists OF suhSii Ieao
plate and little chain which are fastened 70 tne
wing in such manner that it Is Iert 1ree 70 per
form any motion except that OF flying i hsr Is n'G f
den by the feathers and does not n9ure I .nel IN III
any way. Poultry fanciers are greatly ootnereo py
lions occupied by different breeds. BY using this
device Mr. Neher says his chickens cartot jump
higher than two feet-tKansas City JOurnaI.
The following story OF Sir Arthur Sullivan about
himself IS quoted In Mr.. Lawrences new life or
him: 81 was travelling on a stage In rather wild
part OF California and arrived at mining camp,
where we had to get down for refreshments AS
we drove up the driver said: They are expecting
YOU here Mr. Sullivan l much pleased, and
when I reached the place came across knot OF
prominent citizens at the whiskey store The FORE
most came up 70 a big burly man by my side and
said Are YOU Mr. SullIvan2' The man said no. and
pointed TO me. The citizen looked at me rather
contemptuously and after awhile said: Why. how
much do you Weigh I thought this was a curious
method of testing the power OF a composer, but
at once answered About 16i pounds. Well. said
the man. that's odd TO me. anyhow. Do you mean
to say that you gave fits 10 John S BlackInore
down IN Kansas City, I said No, did not give
him fits He then said. Well. who you?' re-
Piled My name is Sullivan Amt you John L.
Sullivan the sugger? l disclaimed all title 10 that
and told him l Arthur Sullivan. Oh Arthur
Sullivan" he said. Are you the man as put Pima
fore together?'-rather q gratifying way OF de-
scrIbing my composition. I said Yes Well
turned the citizen. L sorry you amt John Sui
| lvan. but stin am glad TO see you. anyway-let's
4 have q drink ~