The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1900-11-03


you asked me to stuff the turkey with
oysters ?''-BrooAlyn Life
Feminine DipIomacy.-''IIow do you
get on with your new neighbors?'' Very
! nicely" answered Mrs. Blykins. 1--WE
pursued our usual programme, and as
| soon as they moved in sent over and
asked to borrow their Wash-tub, fat
| irons, gas-stove, and baby grand piano.
but you have all such things yourself -
| "Of course What 1 wanted to do was
to head them off. w ashington Star.
The Matrimonial Lottery-Miss Askins
| DO you believe in church lotteries %
De Witte-''W ell-er-I rather like
church weddings. Puck.
Might Do There.-"Nraude thinks of
applying for a position as soprano in a
| church choir" well. there's a. church
for the deaf up on Seventh street. -
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
The Ravages of Time.-Mrs. Waile-
| I'm sure the constant anxiety must
| have been terribly wearing" Mrs. Luers
Wearing? Why, in the last three
months Older?'-Life.
Clergyman-"My child. beware of
picking a toadstooI instead of mush-
room They are easy to confuse Child
THAT be all roight, sur. Us bain't
agoin' to eat 'em ourselves-they're
agoin' to market to be sold '-Tit-Bits.
Her Defnition.-"Yes,. said Miss Cay
enne. HE is undoubtedly a cynic."
What is your idea of a cynic?" HE
is a person who keeps you continually
in doubt whether he is unusually clever
or unusually disagreed Washington
unusually disagreeable-" - Washington
Star.
He-"Oh, pray, Miss Dalrimple, don't
call me Mr.. Brookes." She-"Oh, but
rrr,~ ~, -7.E
This is so sudden (Sweetly) why
shouldn't I call you Mr.. Brookes?" He
'Oh-only because my names Somer-
Setr'-Punch-
1.-The man who wrote Home, Sweet
Home was bachelor, I believe" she
said.
Yes" he replied, what a beautiful
thing would have been lost to the world
if he had married before he wrote it,
Then they came out from behind the
palms.-ChicagO Times-Hera1d.
Perker-Doubt the Genesis story of
the unity of the human raceI Why,
Haply-But men of science
Men of science: Listen to any con-
versation in any language, anywhere,
and you will find the men talking about
their digestion and the women about
their cooks. Life.
He was nervous Twas time for him
now to propose;
He tried to be calm, but he couldn't
She was nervous. Twas time for him
now to propose
She fearedvery much that he wouldn't
Philadelphia Press
Getting Himself Disliked.-'Is young
Mr.. Dibbins a man of any social discern
ment?" mo; every time he calls on me
he takes my poodle's chair. Chicago
Record
.eWell, Daisy, shall we pay the house
rent or give a dinner?" why, give the
dinner, of counsel What good will paid
up house rent do US if we lose our social
position ?''-Life.
Little Difference. = Great Author =
waiter this steak is as tough as
leather Waiter-'I've always heard
you was an original character, sir; but
I'm hanged if you don't jist say the
same as all on 'em dol"-Hariem Life.
She Was an Immune-'T should think
your mother would punish you for
that" said the neighbours little girl to
the one who had diSobeyed. She can't,
was the confident reply. I've been sick
and I'm not well enough to be spanked
yet, and she can't keep me in the house,
because the doctor says I must have
fresh air and exercise oh, I'm having
a bully time Chicago Evening Post
Nother-"Johnnfe, your face is very
hands?" 'Washin' me face"
-Tit-Bits.
Extreme-'T just now saw her get off
car facing forwardi' Yes, she affects
an extremely masculine air. in public
Detroit Journal
DO you know, Willie, it pains me to
have to punish you?" It's different
than the pain I feel, though, isn't it
ma ?"-YonkerS Statesman.
AS Assistant-''Here are more
dispatches about that battle in the
east" Editor-.fWhat do they say?''
Assistant-''It appears that both sides
were greatly outnuTn bered, but each de-
feated the enemy with severe losses
Harlem Life.
A Thorough acknowledgements
80 your automobile came in first, eh?"
WINERIES It was close thing,
though Would you believe it, when I
ran over that nurse and baby, I felt in
clined to quit; but something said to me.
This is no time for pulling sentiment ="
Brooklyn Life.
Z wonder what makes Chumley look
Sc sad.
she-Haven't you heard? His wife's
mind is gone
I don't wonder. He told me she had
been giving him piece of it every day
for three years Brooklyn Life.
DO you think that experience as a
football player helps to fit a man for
usefulness in real life2''
Well answered the athletic youth.
T should think it would stand a man in
good stead if he contemplated in Color
ado Washington Star.