The Portland daily press., 1900-10-22
JOBSON'S BARGAIN.
The Old Man Thought He Had
the Best of 1t.

One evening about six months ago,
after Mr.. Jobson had placed himself on
the outside Of a particularly good dinner
and had finished his evening paper and
cigar, Mrs. Jobson perceived a favorable
opportunity. She slipped up stairs, and
when she came down again, moment
later, she had two beautifully wrought
table covers held out to view in front of
her.
Il can't wait any longer to show you
the bargain l found today" she began.
"They are genuine Syrian table covers,
you know, and I got them at such
simply ridiculous figure that 1 couldn't
resist the temptation to bring them
home. Don't you think they are lovely,
the blue one particularly, with those
bullion threads running throughY
Mr.. Jobson eyed the table covers Sc
verely, and then he permitted his re-
proachful gaze to rest heavily upon Mrs.
Jobson.
Bullion threads running through 'em,
hey?" said he crabbedly. THAT'S
more appropriate figure Of speech than
you dream Of, Mr.. Jobson. D'you ever
stop to think how much bullion you run
through yourself in the course of a year
buying such idiotic truck and rubbish as
that27
But" said Mrs. Jobson, 81 got them
for actually one-tenth of their value and
it isn't likely that I'd get another chance
to pick up such really beautiful examples
Of Syr''-
"And, suppOsing you were to live
trillion years and never in all that period
get a chance to pick up such internal
gaudy, tinselish, no account stuff, how
much worse off would you be?" demand
ed Mr.. Jobson. whats the good Of
those things anyhow? What are you
going to do with emp Fold 'em away in
a clean turkish towel that might be en-
ployed to better purpose and stow 'em
alongside of the thousands and tens Of
thousands of dollars worth of utterly USE
less and tawdry gear of a similar sort
that you've ben throwing away good,
hard earned money on during the past
ID years? l tell you one thing, Mrs. Job
son, and that is
'But there's really no use in storming
so over the So that paid for these two
table covers" interrupted Mrs. Jobson,
especially when everybody knows that
they're WORTH
There's all the use in the world in my
using whatever means see fit to check
this shameful extravaganza on your part,
Mrs. Jobsonp' shouted Mr.. Jobson, rising
from his chair and trying to tower ma
jestically over her. "This bargain bust
ness has got to be mania with you. If
it goes on, it'll land me in the poorhouse
or the soldiers home, and I'm not ready
for either such finish, with your kind per-
mission, madam What do you think 1
am anyhow? A Standard Oil king? A
steel and wire magnate? A sugar mogul?
A bookmaker? D'you think
''Well," put in Mrs. Jobson, 81 paid
the So for these things out Of the $50
check that Uncle Simeon sent me for my
birthday, and"-
"Oh, you did, did your demanded Mr..
Jobson, sarcastically. "That's a mighty
long enduring $50 that your Uncle Sim
con sent you, isn't it? AS nearly as l
can figure it out, you have paid for just
about $245.67 worth Of bargains that,
all told, are not worth 50 out of that
$50 check your Uncle Simeon sent you
more than two months ago, and l don't
suppose that more than half the returns
are in yet. If you have been able to
buy the whole town up out of that check,
what's become Of all the money I've been
giving you? What
''You know very we'll" interrupted
Mrs Jobson, that for the past couple of
months you have given me very little
money for my own use, as you said you
wanted to economic in order to save up
for a good summer vacation, and
$50 you're calling me stingy now, too,
are your" demanded Mr.. Jobson. you're
standing right up before my face and
telling me In precise words that I'm
miser and a skinfint and that you never
have enough money in your purse to
pay car fare. You're telling me in exact
terms that
81 haven't said anything Of the sort
or anything like it," said Mrs. Jobson,
with some spirit. eff you are going to
make such an awful fuss over two table
covers that only cost So, why, I can take
them back and have my money refund
ed"-
you'll do nothing of the sorty' ex-
claimed Mr.. Jobson. ''When you make
an idiotic bargain, just have the nerve
to stand by 1t, that's all. Don't weaken.
Don't craw6sh. Don't hedge Don't
back water I know that it's natural for
women to do those things, but just try to
rise superior to some of the infrmities
of your weird sex, anyhow"
This, as stated above, happened about
six months ago.
On Thursday evening last Mr.. Jobson
brought a bundle home with him from
his Office. He opened the bundle before
Mrs. Jobson with a good deal Of flourish
cts not often that l do any shop
ping for this family" said Mr.. Jobson,
good naturally and banteringIy, ''but
when an opportunity like the one had
today comes along, why, I give it a hug,
as the boy says"
why" says Mrs. Jobson, they're ia
bic covers just like those
'Hal Right the very first timer inter
rupted Mr. JobsOn, bestowing glances OF
approval upon his purchases. That's
just what they are, table covers. But
they're not ordinary table covers.
They're just about as fine an article
IN the way Of table covers as can be had
for money on this side of the world, and
It positively makes me laugh right out
loud to think Of the paltry sum Of money
I mi