West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1900-03-15
JAMES REPLY.
IReported by W. o. B.
/, VIVA, Jan. 20, 1900.

'''~ '"S~'hab<s Jerry why uOnt you
hunt up Col. Titcheuell and take his eel
ebra,ed treatment for il Qayng ON of hands)
Now this is'eonsidered a most excellent rem
edy for small boys, aud the Col. claims IL is
just as good for children of larger growth.
You must take the treatment and Just have
more faith in the Col. than you had in the
tom cat and think you will be able very
soon to write with pen.
Your landlady is not to be blamed for
| jawing you. II is common talk about town
that your landlady has so many cranky old
bachelors and widowers boarding with her
that she can hardly keep hired girl any
more, and one of her own girls left town on
account of your cranky disposition. / hope
to relieve the good woman of you soon, /
think she needs relief worse than Ladysmith
in South Africa.
The very idea Of trying TO get an electri-
cal shock from the electric lights of this
town. The entire plant hasn't as much
electricity about il as my old tom cat has in
his back. When you want to be shocked
again. just go and get DIR. Pratt to tell you
yarn
am sorry you are SO very lazy. but |
think can break you of that. Perhaps il is
just bad habit. ! am very willing to try
| Jerry, | have found you out at last You
are the Vice President of the nation, as no
one outside of the Nation except Hon. w.
C. Brown could afford to keep so many
logs as you claim to have. Now / love
cats myself. have two, and your seven
will just make nine. / will take the cats
and parrots, but be-dog -goned IL I don't
draw the line op the dogs and snakes, and
if you presist in bringing them around you
will catch ''cat of nine tails" / think il
will also be good remedy for that ''tired
feeling" you are so badly afflicted with
l can't understand why if you belong to the
Nation you are still bachelor, as thought
they married like they vote in the South,
''early aud often" You need not think TO
scare me out by telling about your step
mother and your own bad temper. can
break you in all right. Jerry, dear, broke
mule colt once and have no fears of your
sulky disposition. After breaking mules /
am not afraid to tackle deer. II you get
too balky, will treat you as the Lord
did Nebuchadnezzar of old. will turn
you out 10 eat grass like the oxen, until
your lamentations will exceed those of your
illustrious namesake spoken of in the Bible.
hope you will appreciate this fowery lette
| am writing you. Your other girls must be
terrible old fashioned, as it is not stylish or
considered good taste TO write on gilt edged,
scented paper any more, and as for sending
you flowers, can do that, although il is the
gentleman's place to send the lady flowers
/ have always understood Sherwood was
very gallant, especially when in the army.
Perhaps there is where he fixed up that con-
coction for microbes for his own use. II
that dog Fortney gave you is twice as large
as the ono he now owns, II certainly is the
jackass they used to have and il mysteriously
disappeared when they got the dog. sup
pose the stable would not hold both animals
so they gave the jack to you, so he would
have company and not get so lonesome.
You must have dreadful common taste,
Jerry. You certainly need culiivating. for
the daisy is such common flower and I did
not think any good Republican would like il
as Il is the natural emblem Of Bill Bryan's
party, while the beautiful golden rod is ours.
Oh love II and il is so appropriate for
the emblem of the Republican party, as tina,
Is the way to keep in power by not sparine
the rod And what was it old King Sol
onion said about 'spare the rod, you spoil
your husband" lie no doubt had reference
10 the broomstick. ! bought a broom "a
have when we go to housekeeping and wa,
very careful to select one with hard. wood
handle. The merchant said brooms hao
gone up, but told him they would com,
down as soon as ] got married to Jerr,
Coonskin. am glad you had to sell you
bike to pay your ice cream bills, and wher,
are the girls that ate the cream ? Gone Of
with some of the new dudes 10 town, sup
pose, that arrived here Just as the ice cream
season closed, and will depart ere another
comes around. You ought to have some o.
those girls darn your old sox.
As for the bike, / have dreadful poo
opinion Of a man that is too lazy to stans
up and walk. I don't darn my sox, becaus,
] can afford to buy new ones when nee,
them. You could, to, II you did not hav,
to pay for so much ice cream.
Nov Jerry, dear, will send you my pic
tufe, and you must send yours by returr
ma ]. am sure you think me so ugly car
not have a picture taken, 50 will prove {,
You that am not, although I am not 3,
pretty and sweet now As when the enclosed
was taken, bnt girls, like the most beauiifu
flowers. will fade sooner or later. Terry
dear, have some land want to put il
"praties. 50 we must get jined in time fo
you to plant them, and you must promise {,
keep them well bueged, darling.
viii crimp my beautiful straight bIacl
hair # you wish H. Am sorry you dom
like my hat but IL Is this way, boueh;
beautiful black seal skin coat and yer,
stylish hai. OF course j expect is to do 70
the wedding one, and don't you think m,
sister (BrdRetl wen, to the city to visi
friends and iook my ha, aod coag with her
50 am compelled to wear her old hat a..
coat e. stay T. bed II she don4 rst mar