The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-03-03
THE COOKS FIRST CRABS.
She Had Never Tried to Cook the
''BenSts" Before and Never
Would Again.

| eu UOdrueF, are some CIaDS. L neilu
your mistress say that she was fond
of them. Will you cook them for
her?"
Sure and l WILL" responded Bridget.
taking the strong paper bag, contain
ing the collection from the hand Of
the boarder.
/ "And it's much obliged the mistress'll
be to you, SIR" and Bridget started
upstairs to show the prize to her
mistress, who was i'll in bed, while the
boarder went to his room on the top
floor.
Now it happened that Bridget, in
/ the course OF her varied cooking eN-
/ percnces, had never before come in
direct contact with crabs. She sup
posed, very naturally, that the little
K. beasts were dead. the same as the
other animals had been which she had
prepared for the tables of her various
mistresses; and, consequently, she
had not the slightest idea of the hid
eous crawling life contained in the
bag, which she held so careessly in
! her arms as she entered the room Of
her mistress. The crabs, however,
were only abiding their time.
Num- she said, "hcre's u prisent
/ the ginerous Top f'loorFront gave me,
with the direction that be after cook
/ ing thin for the Mistress" and she
held the bag close to her bosom by
way of calling attention to their con-
tents.
"What are they, Bridget?" inquired
the mistress.
Grabs" replied Bridget, with a
broad grin "Oh, it's foin warm
heart the op-Floor-Front has, num-"
"Why, Bridget" said the mistress,
anNiously watching her careless hand
ling of the bag, don't you know that
crabs are alive and can pinch?'
'Sure, mum, and you'll be after
making jolly, even if you are sick, +"
and Bridget's smile broadened.
"Why, I've baked bushels of the dar-
lint little beasties," and by way of
showing her familiarity with the ami
mails she opened the bag and thrust
her nose into it to have a good look
at them.
Now it happened that an exceeding
~ large, long earned and strong-clawed
revengeful old crab had pushed him
self to the top Of the pile with
in the bag. His black beady eyes
caught sight of Bridget's plump nose.
He did not know what it was, but it
certainly looked as though it was made
to pinch.
The nose came closer and closer.
Suddenly, the long arm shot upward
and the strong pinchers closed with
snap around the red end.
"Holy mither!!!" and with a veil
that made the window panes rattle in
the house across the street, Bridget
leaped up into the air, hurting the bag
of crustaceans violently from her;
but not until another of the "darlint
little beasties" had fastened hold on
the little finger of her right hand and
two more had gripped the neat white
collar she always wore around her
neck.
The bag fell on the bed, in front OF
the sick woman, burst open and about
dozen of the hideous crawlers start.
ed for shelter underneath the friendly
bed clothes, while a couple made a
scurry for the sick woman's long red
hair, which was unfastened and Law
on the pillow around her head, doubt.
less installing it for seaweed.
Never, in all history, sacred or pro.
fame, did Il woman get out of bed as
quickly as did the screaming mis-.
tress, and when she jumped she
knocked the crabs sprawling in every
direction all over the room.
The Top-Floor-Front and the French
dancing master in the back hall room
came downstairs, two steps at a time
and CALAMITY rushed to the ladies' res
| cue.
The instant they opened the door
Bridget, with a yell that would have
made the hair of Comanche Indiar
stand on end, bounded out, knocking
! the little dancing master flat his
back, and made dive for her bed
room in the basement. Fortunatel,
i the shock of the collision broke the
hold of the crabs and they fell to the
floor.
The mistress stood screaming or
the top of the comfortable, a fringe O
crabs hanging to her nightgown ant
couple dangling from her long rec
hair. The moment she caught sigh
OF the kind-hcartcd boarder She fel
fainting into his arms.
The two men secured the crabs an(
placed them in a large tin pail. Their
the kind-hearted boardcr started on
to hunt up Bridget.
He found her in her bedroom, will
her head under the bed clothes. mum
bling prayers and counting he,
beads as fast as she could make he
fingers fly. When she saw the kind
hearted boardcr she leapcd to her fee
and shouted:
IA foin man you are, you dirt,
blackguard, to be after frghtenin.
the sircn wits out of poor gorl will
; Your nasty spidcry crabs, with til,
dccvil's own grip in their toes. &c
QUIT" and she hurled an old shoe a
his head.
The kind-hearted boardcr got.-Ev
' crett Mcneil. in Philadelphia Press.
Desirable MIX Foods.
Corn meal mush with skinned mill
makes a perfect and desirable food
Cup custards may be made from