The Saint Paul globe., 1900-06-24
SMART SHORT STORIES.


When Senator Hoar, Of Massachusetts
was recently asked what he had been
reading Of late, he replied: For serious
work, David Harum;' for light reading
and amusement. I've been going through
Gibbon again.
During the jubilatlon over the relief Of
Mafeking says the Lendoner). a humcr-
GUS policeman was asked in the thick Of
the crowd by a harassed pedestrian to tell
MIN the nearest way to Charlng-Cr
hospital. Call for three cheers for
Kruger " responded the genial guardian
time"
Charles Haddon spurgeoR, the non-con-
forrnist preacher, was a great Dunster.
One day. while an invalid at Mento1a. he
was walking by the seashore at a time
when the Mediterranean was raging
furiously. Suddenly he interrupted the
conversation and asked: What are tho
wild waves saying?" and then ne gave
MS own witty answer to the question:
Let us (s)pray!'
a guide, who was showing a party
through the senate corridors of the ma
uonal capital few days ago, halted them
before the statue of John Hancock, and.
inscription, led them away with this
final bit Of information: Hancock was a
great man; you know, he wrote the
Declaration Of Independence" And net
one of the party raised his voice in pro-
test
1t is said by those who know Mr. Cecil
Rhodes, the South African magnate. that
he has, in common with Lord Kitchener
q strong e h.
While on visit to London before the
commencement Of the war he dlned at
the house Of a very wealthy lady Of IT,
tie, and later when he was discussing
the affair with his secretary, the latter
asked: And whom did you take to din
ner?" ''Oh, I don't know. Some Lady
Somebody was the reply. But what did
you call herr" Didn't call her anything
never spoke to her.
John Allen, whose career In congress
has made the little town of Tupelo ia
NOUS tells an amusing story of a negro
eplcure who caught a fine large possum.
lie skinned, dressed and hung it before
a blazing fire under a spreading tree
and while 1t was baking to a deIectable
brown lay down on the ground and went
to sleep beside it. About the time the
poSsum was done, a slick little darkey
happening that way stole the 'possum
and ate it up. Then he took the bones
and laid them down In front of his sIeen-
ing brother, creased his lips with pos
SUM grease, and smeared 'possum grease
over his fingers. When the owner of the
possum awOke he looked about daZed
ana surprised to find his piece de resist
ance gone, but the bones lay in front NJ
him, he saw the grease upon his fingers
and tasted 1t upon his lips. rs it pos
bic" he said, Il dun eat dat 'possum
when l sleep? smell 'possum, I tas'
possum, an dar is de bones. 1t sar-
tainly do look lik' I mus hab eat him.
but TO God dat dar 'possum dun hab less
feet on my constitution dan emmy ole
'possum ever did eat befo'."
In Lady Hollands memoirs there IS a
capital story Of a practical joke perpc-
trated at the expense Of raw Scotch en-
sign. one evening Sir James Macintosh
came to supper at the home Of the Rev
Sydney Smith, the great wit and reform
er, bringing with him a Scotch cousin. an
ensign In a Highland regiment On hear
ing the name of his host, he turned round
and, nudging Sir James, whispered: rs
that the great Sir Sudney?" yes. yes"
SAID Sir James, much amused, and. Civ
ing Sydney Smith the hint, he Instantly
assumed the military character, Derfornl-
ed the part of the hero of Acre to perfac-
ton, fought all his battles over again. and
showed how he had charged the Turks
to the infinite delight of the young Scotch
man, who was quite enchanted with the
Kindness and condescension OF "the great
Sir Sydney" as ne called him. and to
the absolute torture of the other guests.
who were bursting with suppressed laugh
ter at the scene before them. Nothing
would serve the young Highlander but
setting off at l2 o'clock at night, to fetch
the piper of his regiment to pipe to "the
great Sir Sydney" who said he had never
heard the bagpipes. Upon this, the party
broke up and dispersed instantly, for Sir
James said his Scotch cousin would in
fallibly cut his throat if he discovered his
mistake A few days afterward, when
Sir James Macintosh and his Scotch
cousin were walking iE the streets. they
met the Rev. Sydney Smith and his wife
He introduced her upon which the Scotch
cousin said in a low voice to Sir James,
and looking at Mrs. Smith, Il didna ken
the great Sir sydney was married"
why, no." said Sir James, a little embar-
rassed, mot ex-act-ly-married- an
Egyptian slave he brought over with himf
E'atimd-yOu knOW-VOu understand