Little Falls herald. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1889-1950, 1900-02-09
PROBLEMS OF LIFE.
HOW TO TELL YOUR WIFE WHEN
YOU'VE LOST MONEY.

Got Into q Game Of Draw and Luck
Has Run Against One.
The trouble was that l agreed. OF the
very FIRST pay day after our marriage,
when dear Maria said she supposed l
wanted to take my months salary. pay
The housekeeping expenses and put the
balance, it there was any. in the savings
bank.
l said "Of course" I'd have said ''Of
course then if dear Maria had told me
that / needed pebble in my shoe
told Jack Gaily about it. and he said
was an ass, and l told dear Maria
about it, and-well, Jack was my bosom
friend. but he is never invited to our fiat
now.
Dear Maria said she was intended for
\ poor mans wife, for she was so eco
nomical and 50 exact at all figures about
expenses.
Nov. Horatio." she said, lust give
me the $75 you get each month. and I'll
just figure out how many days you have
to ~ to work the next month. give you
10 cents for car fare for each day. and
there you ale--nothing ON your mind to
bother you> no trouble. everything done
for you by little wifey."
This did not work very well the first
month. for met Jack one day. and we
had a drink or two and cigar for old
times sake, which reduced my car fare to
60 cents 80 / had to walk to and from
my ofiice-six miles each way--the last
six days Of the month, and it caused me
some trouble to explain to dear Maria
why l had to leave for the Office two
hours earlier than usual and got home
two hours later. OF course l could not
explain the truth to her. for she was 50
economical. and besides she greatly dis
liked Jack.
Wen. that was the beginning of my
trouble. l found it easy to get credit in
the store. and so, after year OF living
according to dear Maria's plan. during
which time l gave up smoking and only
had glass OF beer when ! was willing
to walk six miles to save nickel for it
and knew the baseball scores only by
reading them over somebody's shoulder
on the way home i'll the cars, | one month
made several purchases on that accused
credit.
d. Jack was my tcmpter. He invited me
to his room to meet lot OF the fellows
used to run with when WIS single. One
Of them. Clarence Plunger. is grand
utp0S~ ~ AAbk Ao6S VI AbahACA oOuou1Ss
gets eighty month. lives at home and
does not pay board.
Jack suggested that buy some cigars.
cards, poker chips and few things like
that on credit. and he would pay me out
Of the kitty OF the game.
| bought the stuff, took it to the rooms
1T was on a Saturday half holiday, and
dear Maria said need not come home
until the usual hour, as she was going to
leave the baby with her mother and 90 to
natinee-and watched tn. boys play
until the kitty had paid me back and
had the full amount Of my wages in my
pocket.
Then Plunger says. Take hand your
self. old chap and when l said, "No."
Jack says, 'Oh, be a man, Horatio, and
sit in for few hands!'
Well, | was man.
have not the. heart to tell about that
game. The result is enough-much too
much! In one hour l had not one cent in
my pocket. and Jack had my Il 0 U
$3.50"
1t was awful.
OF course | determined to commit sui
eide and staggered forth into the streets
thinking only of the best way to end my
hideous life. Jump from an elevated
train? | had not Il nickel to get on the
station with. Plunge into the river?
would perhaps be pulled out by some in
terferiny life saver and suffer frightfully
from 4 cold in the head.
Thinking thus and wondering why it
had never struck NE how diiiicult it
must DC to end life, | wandered ON in
stinctively until reached the entrance to
up stairs, for did want to see baby onc.
more. but in the hall was a messenger
boy with q new Lat for dear Maria and
Il G. o. d. hill for SIS.
That brought the Who'll" horril reality
of rly position home to me. for l knew
Maria would wait for III; and my wages
before she could get that Lat.
| re1ncmtr: running out in the street,
humping up against something soft, yet
firm, receiving a cuff on the ears which
knocked ne down and then being carried
into the janitress' room in the basement.
where when | rcvived-for it seems
tainted OF had been knocked out-the
janitress and big policeman were work
ing over me. The good woman, who was
my friend. although she did not like dear
Maria. was telling the officer that she
would break him off the force for beating
:, poor, helpless young man for acciden-
!: tally running into him. ;. ~
saw at the FIRST glance that the po-
liceman was troubled by the woman q
threats Then her kind words had q
strange effect on. me in my nervous. state.
and | burst into tears and in revulsion
of feeling was telling my friend the
whole of:;my abyssmal degradation and
sin. The effect On the; janitress was
amazing. She conferred with the officer
in whispers. land a plan, was formed
which quickly developed. -
+ Maria was sent for, and was told to
lie still on the sofa and only groan. .'...>
Maria came. / had not realized before
what a voluble lady my dear wife is.
She declared she had waited an hour for
me to pay bill-she did not mention it
was for ha:-wanted to know if / had
been arrested for stealing or drunkenness
and was going on in her liveliest manner
when the officer interrupted her to say
that had been knocked down by an au-
tomobi!e. had been robbed as lay un.
conscious in the street, and that unless
she at once ceased her CHATTER -. gave me
every attention and kindness. be would
arrest her as particeps criminis, accesso-
+ nv hef0fe the facf and q common ScOld