Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-01-02
TURNING THE Ia BIZ S
RECIPE FOR KEEPING AUDITORS
'"%@ QUIET INA THEATER. D.

| hy< NYscS hsN@A J'ENi6us Hs: =
Worked Like aCch.rns On the Young
Woman Who HAD Been TO- the Play
before. and Wanted II Let Her
Friend. Know All About III, ~
OF the group Of three young women
who sat in the first row In the orchestra
circle one had seen the play earlier III the
week. 1t was impossible to doubt that.
1t was equally certain that neither of her
companions had seen the play earlier In
the week. Likewise, the fact was mani.
fest that the young woman who had seen
the play earlier in the week felt entirely
convinced that none Of the people In the
seats to the right or the left or before or
behind her had seen the play earlier In
the week, that she felt sorry for them in
consequence and that she regarded it as
moral obligation resting upon her TO
tell them call about it. 50 before the
curtain went up she began: H.@r
"Now, Aggie. and Mag, the first act is
jes' like a. preface in a book, and it's
hardly Necessary to see it at all, honest.
Course they have to talk a lot, y'know,
Mag, vile the folks that comes late gets
into their seats. Well, femme see, how
does it begin? Well, the fellah that az.
ward marries the girl, y''know, he comes
in-no. he doesn't-yes, he does-no, now
l remember: it's the villain, and he's got
a morgidge on her pas proputty, and SO
he's tryinsto hold that over her head, SOS
shell jes' have to marry him. see? Then
the good fellah, he comes in, and wen he
finds the villain there, a-tryin to make
the old man-her pa, y'know-name the
day when he can marry his daughter
the villain, y'understan' my, there's
such a stew, and then the good fellah--
he's got the scrumptiouscst hair, jes'
little gray at the temples and sides,
y'know, like his life's been sad, y'know,
Mag-and then he"-
The young woman's introduction was
just about in this lucid state when the
curtain went up. The people all around
the young woman who had seen the play
earlier in the week were gazing with
some little, anxiety at her. Perhaps the
fear preyed upon them that she intended
to keep her running commentary on the
go until the fall of the curtain on the final
act. If that was their fear, it soon ap-
peared that it was justitable. The cur
tain had no sooner gone up than the
young woman who had witnessed the
performance earlier in the week lcanc'
over to her two companions and began I
hoarse buzzing something like this:
Nov, Mag and Ag, jes' wait till you
see that good fc!lah, and you can tell me
if l wasn't right in sayin he was the
han soonest thing! But don't think the
lradin iady's So purity. She looks uwfly
stuck up to TAO. Wait til you see her.
She wears some nice dresses, but. honest.
| don't think her 6gger's genu-wine-
looks skinny to me-that is, s if she
might be skinny on the street, y'know,
Mag. l think such han some lookin
man as plays the leadin PARTIES wait
I'll you see him, Az and Mag, that's ALL
ought to have a real purity leadin lady to
play with him, don't you. Mag? Now.
you'll see him come out in jes a-mn:t,
and then if you don't say he's the han.
somest'-
1t happened that two quiet looking
young men, not apparently acquainted,
but simply seatn,atcs, sat directly in the
rear Of the young woman who had Ag
and Mag for companions. They looked
much horcd during the beginning Of the
young woman's audiblc footnotes to the
progress OF the play, then perturbed. and
finally real hot under the cellar. But
they said nothing. They didn't even
"Sh-sh!' They went oat when the cur
tain had fallen on the fist art. Just be-
fore the rise Of the curtain the taller Of
the two young men leaned over to the
other. with a twinkle in his eye. and in
a close imitation of the whisper Of the
young woman who had seen the play ear
. lier in the week he began:
''Hey, Bill, this act is the beaut and
the bird Of the show. It's Jim
Hickey and a kitty mitch. The butler
Of the old mans shack starts the ball
rollin. lie comes into the dinin room,
swell set, y know, Bill, with real
dishes and real grub in 'em, with about
half skate on, and he walks over to
where the demijohns sit on the side
board and he throws about seven hooters.
one after the other, into his face, gets
googly eyed right there, and what he
does to that furniture is a-plenty. 1t
seems the old man has made him sore
about somethin or. other, and
The people in the surrounding seats
were ION to- the little play of the young
man at once, and there was some smoth-
cred tittering. The young woman who
had seen the play earlier in the week
looked around contemptuously at the
two, young men, but they didn't appear
to know that she was in the theater.
"What gets the old guy sore?" asks
the shorter Of the young men in tone
Of interest.
II pass" hoarsely. whispered his COM
panion, "but ! guess the buffers got the
bulge, some way or other, on his nobs,
and he just jumps In to work his edge.
Well. he rares and tears around there
somethin fierce, and then, by jing, a
Kaffir low comedian Frances in just
when the butler's kickin things. over,
and this Kaffr's got a knotted warclub
about four foot long with him, and he
begins to paste the butler all over the
room. Just then the goody goody guy
with the cheap -four around the hair on
the sides Of his head waltZes along, and
he tries to work the high and naughty
dodge on the Ka1ir low comedian, and
he gets warclubbcd to beat the band
himself-honest. And just when it's the
dcuce's own hand to hand struggle be-
tween the Katfir and the butler and the
Eoody goody gczabo, why the girl she
comes yellin in, and she begins to throw
cold water out of the ice pitcher on the
whole mixed up bunch. While she's do
in this. her old man breaks in through
A. 10.