davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
HIS SUDDEN DOWNFALL.
Mammals Little Angel hoy Got what
lie Needed.

A lovely little angel boy, about ) years
old, logged out in n nice little sailor suit,
spread joy and peace among the pussen-
gers on Fourteenth street car the other
afternoon. He began by standing up in
his seat and kicking his young mother,
with much force and directness, in the
stomach
why, Archibald, aren't you ashamed
to kick mammal" she inquired of the
lovely little angel boy.
Nope, | amt" he replied, and he
grabbed her hat with both hands and
tried to pull it off her head.
Archibald, dearie, you must not pull
mamma's hat" said his mother. Won't
you please sit down for mammal
Don't have to-" And the tender little
bud plucked viciously at the iewelcd pin
fastening the stock around his mothers
neck.
you are not acting like n nice little
boy at all, Archibald" said his mother
rcproachfully.
Darn nice little boysw said the beau
teous child cncrgctically, and he turned
and addressed his old black nurse, who
sat at his side, in terms that bore con
siderable direct relation to the hue of her
skin
Sh-Sh-Sh! Archibald, you really must
not say such things" said his mother.
Say anything | want to-" replied the
fair flower of angel childhood. and he
reached over the seat in front and gave
a tug at the hat Of another little 5-year-
old boy who was sitting beside his moth
or behaving himself and attending strict
ly to his own business. The quiet little
chap in front looked around when he felt
his hat, which was fastened to his chin
by rubber band. being tugged at. Then
he very deliberately stood up in his seat
turned around, and both of his tightly
clinched little fists shot out at once,
square from the shoulder, with really cat
apultic force. considering the size of the
lad. and both of them landed sinultane-
ousy on the two sapphire eyes OF the
little devil of Caliban in the rear seat.
Don't you monkey with me any more
or I'll break you in two" said the little
chap in the front seat quietly, but firm
ly, resuming his seat. The profound
satisfaction of all the passengers except
the slugged Archibald's mother was made
obvious BY their prolonged grin. The un-
disciplined lad in the sailor suit stuck to
his seat and walled dsmally until his
mother lifted him off at the transfer sta
tion.-New York World.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
vulgar Children.

Surely if anything is more intolera-
bic than vulgar woman it is n vulgar
child. The poor little thing is produced
by all nations and races. from the
Anglo-SaXon to the Slav. Its father
was happy in the struggle that ended
in success. When it grows old, its own
children will perhaps be happy in the
sort Of refined existence which wealth
can bring in the third generation. But
the child of the man grown suddenly
rich is a living misfortune between two
happncsses, neither n worker nor an
enjoyer, having neither the satisfaction
Of the one nor the pleasure of the 9th
err hated by its Interiors in fortune and
source of amusement to its ethc and
aesthetic betters.-Marion Crawford,
"A Rose of Yesterday"
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
COMPETENT TO JUDGE.
He Had an Opinion and n Right to
Express II.

Though it was lovely autumn morn
ing and the train was speeding through
some Of the pretticst scenery Of southern
Michigan, the newly married man show
ed no admiration for natures beauty.
He preferred to sit with his face toward
the aisle of the car, reading paper or
glancing over the top of it at other pas
sengers.
do look darling" chirpcd the bride.
did you ever see anything more charm
ing? It's perfectly fascinating. See
that lovely little brook like a ribbon OF
silver. Above it the trees form a perfect
arch, and the rugged hills springing from
the little valley are the walls of a natural
amphitheater."
Fine thenter that would make As
for the scenery, there isn't competent
manager in the country who would ac-
cept it. It's rs stiff as ramrod. There
isn't patch of flowers. fiat topped
stump, little vine clad cottage or a rus
tic bench in the whole outfit. It's posi-
lively the worst" And she saw more
of his back rs he glued his eyes to the
paper.
Her exclamation at a fascinating lit
tie village through which they shot at
40 miles nm hour elected from him the
criticism that IL was too squatty, too
monotonous and without the necessary
touches OF color. After enduring her &C.
stasics through another county he re-
belled.
eco ahead and enjoy yourself. I'd give
a fortune If | knew as little about these
things as you do. I'll go in and take n
smoke"
"Artist?" asked the old lady behind
the bride.
YES" with conscious pride. Scene
painter for the largest theater in Chi
cago."-Detrot Free Press
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
II need clergyman" said she.

pillow, she seemed to be sobbing
when he heard a sweet and strangely
plaintive voice,
IN such fool Oh, beg your
pardon - she added, with such evident
confusion that Lemuel turned about
hastily to see what he held after the
prettiest figure of a woman in a witch
ing bicycle costume, and what she was
like I'll leave you to fancy, just fancy
that is, the very incest girl Of your
cquaintance-and you will see her as
Lemuel saw her much more easily than
from any description Of mine,
"Ohl' she said, hastily rubbing her
eyes.
II beg your pardon, said Lemuel
1T was my fault, " said she, looking
him over demurely, II forgot this was
public room. "
81 am sure it was mine, said Lem
mel hastily. 1t was all rather strange
and sudden, and yet he decided at once
she was well bred young person,
"Oh, / am glad" she exclaimed.
Il don't see why" he blurted out in
establishment
because you are Mr.. Springer Of
st, Matthew in Are Park. "
He bowed, remembering, with bit
of conceit that a lot Of people doubt
less knew him whom he didn't know
from Adam or Eve,
II need clergyman, said she
Now at this astounding statement
Lemuel stared his utter astonishment
Did she need spiritual adviceY Sh,
looked a bit worldly.
"Thar's rather a surprising state
nent, " she added.
81 don't know" said he hopelessly.
81 mean" she said 81 want ar
escort to Greenwich, and with u clergy
man there can be no question. "
IL dom know, said Lemuel again
lyon must think me strange"
He looked at her for moment keenly
and made very worldly reply
II think you delightful.
~ on will let me go with you. then p
why, Of course, if you ask me-, h,
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

WICn, I..,
Eyes, Greenwich, but no matter
which house. You are going back to
town. | am ever 80 much obliged to
you You have been ever so good. "
"Angela, he said, "must it be good
by"
Eyes.
"And you won't firt any more2"
al never do. "
"But you have confessed to it--with
Tom "
81 mover will again Now, goodby.
Mr.. Springer.
And she was in her saddle and smil-
ing back at him and vanishing over the
slope, leaving him rubbing his eyes
At first he thought he would follow,
but then in Greenwich he likely would
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Con,pnrntiye Success.

"Yes," said the man who was showing
him around, that's Professor Allover,
the eminent writer on scientific subjects.
He is a perfect walking cyclopedia, and
there's hardly branch of knowledge he
hasn't studied profoundly, but he has no
head for business affairs. In fact, he has
to write for the scientific publications in
order to make n living
What Il failure he's made of life,
hasn't hep" exclaimed Mr.. Gaswcll, lean
ing comfortably back in the carriage
Chicago Tribune.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

We had fine time shaking hands with
Dewey, but it took us two hours to make
him believe that he was our great grand
mothers second cousin
We treated Dewey to n first class Geor
gin barbecue and Il free subscription to
the Billvillc Banner until it fails, which
will be as soon as the sheriff lcvies on us.
We shook off our right hand at the
Dewey reception, but we still have one
hand to take in subscriptions and gro-
ccrics
The Georgia barbecue at the Dewey
meeting was a great success. The only
trouble is some of the boys have not re-
covered from it yet.-Atlanta Constitu-
ton
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
lie Gnf Ilia Slecn

Doctor see what the matter is. You
do not get sleep enough. Take this pre-
scription to a druggists.
Mr.. Blnkers-Thank you. I presume
that's what's the matter.
Doctor tnext day)-Ah. good morning
You are looking much better today. Slept
last night, didn't you?
Mr.. Blinkers-Slcpt like a top. I feel
first rate.
Doctor-How many doses of that OPT
ate did you take?
Mr.. Blinkers lin surprise)-I didn t
take any. | gave it to the baby New
York Weekly.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Under the Seal of Confidence.

The inquisitive Long Islander who had
been permitted to gaze upon the distin-
guished pugilist in the training quarters
of the latter looked at the cropped head
of the great man and ventured to ask
him question.
When you want to part your hair"
he said, how do you do it,"
II you won't say anything about it,"
replied the pugilist, I'm tell you. do it
with a chalk line. Chicago Tribune.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

It was the fifth anniversary Of their
wedding day. and they were going to eel
citrate it by attending the opera. After
finishing his after dinner cigar the hus-
band called his wife in an adjoining room.
Are you ready, my dear?"
"ln a minute. love" she replied. i've
only to put Ely bonnet and gloves on
"Oh, very WELL" he replied. That will
just give me time to run down to the bar
Der shop and get my hair cut. Chicago
Times Herald.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

Put me off at Beacon street." said
the fair passenger to the Boston trolley
conductor.
Il will notify you when Beacon street
is reached" REPLIED the conductor, and
be glad to assist you to alght, but
couldn't entertain the brutal thought
of putting you off. my dear LADY,
Philadelphia North American.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

Come in. blank. blank you" roared
Mr. Spotcash IA response TO the third rap
at his Office door. How many more
times do you need to be told?"
The door opened. and Captain Mary
Smith OF the Salvation Army came in.
Hem" coughed Mr.. Spotcash. Err
yes, I'll take a War Cry. Here's 81.
Never mind the change. Chicago Trib-
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Mon.
1t is never too early to mend.

When man does anything worth
while, his wife trims up his family tree.
All great warriors have had big noses,
but it isn't safe to conclude that n man is
u great warrior merely because his nose
protrudes far out into space.
Men who fail because they try to do
too much ought to have monuments any
way.
The man who says he doesn't care for
praise is probably fool enough to think
there are people who will believe him.
Chicago Times Herald.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

Dreyfus, Dreyfus? Let me see. Real
ly--it seems as tbough-but I'm sure.
Why, isn't that funny, to think | should
have for BY Jove, that makes me mad!
Now wait just minute Dreyfus.
Dreyfus, Dreyfus? Well. I'll be Oh,
yes yes. yes. have it now. He was n
fellow who lived on an island somewhere.
There. was lot Of trouble about it,
wasn't there? And something in the pa
pers too. Yes, l remember now.-De-
troit Free Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Relieved In signs.

Stubb-You remember that merchant
over the way who had Please Close
the Door sign in his window?
Penn-Ycs.
Stubb--Well. the other day the sheriff
went over and put paddock on his
door.--Chicago News.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
HannY SuhurNnniIea.

Mr.. Citimann-To save my neck I
can't understand why the crowds at the
ferries always have such happy look.
Mr.. Suburb-lt's simple enough. After
the days work in the city we're always
glad to get out Of il, and after eight or
ten hours in the country we're always
glad to get back.--New York Weekly.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
FIELD OF NATIONAL POLITICS
Democratic Plans for the Presi.
Dental Campaign.
The Republican Record in Congress az
the Basis for Their Attack Interest,"
ing Inside History of the Porto
Rico Case President McKin-
ley's View.

It is customary to permit the party &,
power to hold its convention first in order
that the opposition may havo the advau-
tagc of tearing to pieces the platform
adopted and putting the administration
forces on the defensive. l}ut while folow-
ing this precedent the democrats will bc-
SIN the fight early.
The republican tickc' and platform arc
known and tho democrats do not need Co.
await any formal announce mcut. Tncy
believe they will score a point ny starting.
In boldly to donouncc the republican party
rs the party of Imperialism. gold mono
metallism and British sympathy and they
propose to gain all the political advantage
they can 10y hurting those d,nunciatious
at tho republicans.
Tho democrats propose to take the re-
publican record in Congress as the basic
for their attack. They are hoping. tuH,
that the Boer war will be- continued uu'l
after the presidential election. No.aue.
they believe that in II viii be- fouud uuw-
ciouS causes for complications which tho
administration will not be- able 20 escape.
They also believe that ID long con inuauco
of the war may bring on a financial crisis
in London which VIII be reflected on tu!a
side of tho water. and thus give .hanl an
argument for the necessity of asserting
tnc financia! indepo ndencc of the United
Safes and against being tied W with tie
Bri,iSh monetary system.
~ TO candidates for vice. President Il
a man is to be taken from the east he W b.
probably come from New York. But tho
feeling seems more favorable 20 a Sou ID.
western or Southern man.
INSIDE HISTORY or THE PORTO
RICO CASE
A republican member Of the ways ana
means committee Of the House has ou'-
lined for Walter Welman what he termed
the inside history of the Porto Rico case
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Nippsd.

Employer-You say that your habits
are all correct?
Applicant-Yes, sir.
Employer latter a moments pause)-
DO you drink?
Applicant (absentmindedly) - Thanks!
Don't care il | do.-Ohio State Journal.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

Old Lady ito groccr's boy)-Don't you
know that it is very rude to whistle
when dealing with Il lady?
Boy-That's what the guv'nor told me
to do, num-
"Iold You to whistler"
"Yes'm. He said if we ever sold you
anything we'd have to whistle for the
money. - London Fun.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

70 secure the original witch hazel salve.
k for De Wits Witch Hazel Salvo. well
fooWn as a certain cure for piles and skin
diseases, Beware Of worthless counter
4 it's They are dangerous.
J. W. O'Sullivan, w. +. Han. f. H.
Parker Il. Gosselln r. r. Crandle,
Ninoosk
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Saving the Cost of Travel.

New Workers who might otherwise
have to patronizc the famous mud baths
in Europe can now take them very com
fortably at home. All they need is to
fill their bathtubs with water y and al
low it to settle little while. The result
ing deposit Of mud will be all they can
ask for.-New York Herald
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

81 would like to say something that
strikes the public as thoroughly original"
remarked the politician.
well" answered the friend, you
might admit that a visit OF yours to any
city under any circumstances had some
political significance. Washington
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

Lets have an honest election" said
the reformer. earnestly.
That's what say" replied the prac-
teal politician. Lets have it all fair
and square, straight up and down. Let's
don't expect any votes we don't pay for.
and let's don't pay for any we don't get"
Washington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
An Apprehensfon.

What is that man doingY' asked the
leader of a remote and unheard of COM
munity.
prospecting for gold"
Tell HIM to stop it. Does he want
lot Of people to come down here with
Krag-J orgensens to civilize us?"-Wash-
ington Star
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
One AdYnntnge.

He-There is one good thing about the
ocean liners Of the future.
She-Yes?
He-You see, when there is a storm the
captain can send the passengers to tho
end Of the boat where it isn't raining
Cleveland Leader.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
EQulvOcnI.

Mrs. Styles-Didn't | sec you Mt the
bargain counter at Gridley' yesterday
Mrs. Myles-Yes | was looking for
something real cheap. ! didn't see you,
though Yonkers Statesman.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
For n New Generation.

"a war always brings in new era OF
literary work" said the friend.
Yes" said the man with magazine re
sponsibilties on his mind, "We've got TO
60 to work now and change all the name s
In our anecdotes. Washington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Couldn't Fool MA IN IN n,

Kate-IIe says that after we are mar
ried my every wish shall be his law.
Her Mother-ies; ! understand that
the statute books are full of obsolete
Gazette.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Rightly Named.

City Nephew-ls that what you call
penknife? 1t looks more like n machetc.
Uncle Silas-Waal, it's the one sticks
pigs with, an il that amt pen knife |
don't know what s.-New York journal.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

dreadful thing happened in my stable
this morning"
what was it?"
"My automobile got at the gasoline
tank and foundered itself" - Chicago
Record
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Michigan FILLER, brown Pauer.

Wiggles proudly What do you think
Of that. now, for s cent cigar?
Waggles---Only 3? Why, | thought
had counted II or ID scents already
Somervile journal.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

The Boston Waterman makes mention
Of minister who, when asked the rea-
son for his rcsigning pastorate in which
he was prosperous and beloved, replied
sententiousiy. "A bilious deacon"
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

NJ. Il. Smith, iutternut Mich, says,
"De Wits Little Early Risers are the
very best pills ever used for costiveness.
liver and bowel troubles"
]. W. O'Sulivan. w. T. Hall, Il. II.
Parker, l.. Gosselin Il. II. Crandle
Winooski.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Something Different.

The Father-And this. young man, is
my ultimatum.
The Son-Oh! That's better than l
had expected. | had feared your mind
was made up.-Indianapolis journal.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

81 have come" he said teudcrly, "to
ask You for this little hand Not that
one-this one"
And he reached for the one that hsd
the rings on it.-Chicago Tribune.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Rather Give Than Receive,

"Pcnnless at last.' said she to herself.
In the meanwhile the conductor stood
looking moodiy at the five copper coins.
indianapolis Journal.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

1--WE are going to run polite vaudeville
only" the manager told his advertising
man.
"What kind is that"
"Er-why, when one performer kicks
the other in the neck he will Immediately
apologize. "-Indianapo journal
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

A sweet little poem entitled THE Lay
If Song Bird" is being printed in the
newspapers. The lay of a song bird is
commonly an egg Boston Globe.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

Banker-You and the boy in the ad-
joining Office appear to be good friends.
Jimmy-Ies, sir; we WIZ raised togeth-
err.
Banker-Ah,
Jimmy-Yep; his boss give him dollar
more de same time you did me.-Chicago
News.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Small Talk In the NcnaEerie,

Hippopotamus-Wha has become OF
your brother Jocko?
Monkey-Oh, he's collecting agent for
IN Italian musician in New York. ---Har-
per's Round Table.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
He Got His Web.ter Mixed.

''His style is quite Websterian."
"Wcbstcrinn, Yes, that's so. He's
painfully wordy."-Clevelan Plain Deal
er.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

"Does her father encourage you?"
81 don't think so. He's just had cleo
trio lights put on their piazza."-Roch.
ester Times.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

Tourist-If I were to drop down tn.
precipice. you'd be terribly upset,
wouldn't youl
Guide-Not In re least. NJ 'sieu has
paid me in advance.-Ally Sloper.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

"Fusil' was the old name for the flint
lock to distinguish il from the match
lock, and fusileers were those who car
ried .1sils.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

"Ill weeds grow apace" Impurities IL
your blood will also grow unless you
promptly. eNpel them by taking Hood S
Sarsaparilla.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01

According TO the papers, new leads al
starvation and amazing pockets OF priva'
ton are still being discovered in the
klondike .-Detroit Free Press.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
Would lie Novel.

Jimmy has been good boy all morn
ing. Will he fall ?-New York journal.
People's voice., 1900-07-05
Milan, OF.

w. NJ. Atkins started out with his
new engine and separator last Thursday.
Zeria Strait is his engineer.
Mrs. Truman has gone to Kentucky to
spend few weeks visiting friends and
relatives.
c. H. Nimmo, Nicholas Hunsinger,
Robert Pope and Harry Clamitt left fol
Kansas City Sunday evening.
A brother of DR.. W. E. Cary is out
from Tennessee on a months visit.
Vesta Page, who cut his foot so badly
on a plow rolling cutter last week, /:
again able to be out and around.
LII. Lewis left last week for the state
Johnnie Miller, while blowing corn or
the field of his brother-in-law, plowed
out an Indian hammer which is made
out of a stone, which is thirteen inche:
long, six and one-half inches around the
center, both ends down to three and one
half inches. The stone is hard and flint
like. 1t is quite a curionsty.
Ray Adams is cutting oats for Rober
Bell.
Prof. Hicks, the weather prophet, say
this will be the driest and hottest Jul,
that has been for years. We hope tn,
professor will miss his prediction.
Corn is needing rain badly, and sine,
the dry weather set in many wells ar
failing and are being sunk deeper.