Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-06-12

Henry Fielding was once asked by
Lord Denbigh why he wrote his name
"Fielding" instead of Fielding" as
his lordship's family used. 81 can not
tell. my lord" replied the novelist, Sex
cept it be that my branch Of the fam
lily were the first that knew how to
SPELL"
S.r Robert Peel was once going
through a picture collection with a
friend where there was portrait of
prominent Englishman who was ia
nous for saying sharp things. "How
wonderfully liker' said the friend;
"you can see the quiver on his lips"
YES" replied Sir Robert, land the ar
rows coming out Of it."
They are telling a story in Chicago
about an advance agent for the Thomas
Orchestra who recently went to New
Orleans to book dates for concerts. He
was told that it would be we'll for him
first to talk the matter over with a
wealthy woman who is a leader in the
musical circles of the city. So he called
at her residence, and ring brought
out an old negro, who took the callers
card, on which printed the legend,
Representing the Thomas Orchestra"
Presently a young woman came to the
door holding the card in her hand. She
did not seem to understand the object
of the call. The agent attempted to
explain, but was cut short by the
young woman, who said: Il don't think
we want any music to-day"
The president Of manufacturing
firm in Chicago has two letters from a
man in Michigan. The first set forth
that the writer had settled upon a piece
Of land that had "rite smart pin tim
bur on it, that his neighbors, with the
exception of ''sum french Canucks at
the mort end of the lak," had also rite
smart of timber, and would hail the
advent of a "sormil' with delight
How mutch woud smol sormil cost?
N. B. If Frenchman name Ike Lamor-
to rites you to ask about this hese no
gud and ded beat Of the first water"
The firm wrote back to inform their
correspondent that sawmill such as
he seemed to want would cost about
three hundred dollars. A catalogue was
inclosed, which would give him an idea
of the plant, and the firm hoped to be
favored with his order. The firm had
no idea that it's letter would give seri-
Gus offense. There was no doubt, how
ever, that the Michigan man was quite
annoyed. He wrote: ''You must take
me for a - fool If / had three hun
dred dollars what in - wud want a
sormil for?'
Many years ago, when President
Kruger was in England, he was ap-
preached concerning some concession,
railway or otherwise, by a business
man in London. The negotiations last
ed for some time. One evening the
Londoner, who waE staying at the
same hotel, having spent many hours
with Mr.. Kruger and his companion,
went to bed much exhausted, and feel
ing he had not got quite all he wanted.
Next morning he arose at nine o'clock,
and went along the corridor to Mfr.
Kruger's bedroom. To his aston,sh-
ment it was empty, and all the luggage
was gone. "Oh sir" said the cham
bermaid, ''Mr. Kruger and his friend
left at six this morning." Then, with
a giggle of amused reminiscence, the
girl added: 'They was a queer couple,
sir, and no mistake. When e passed
your door, sir, Mr.. Kruger, e started
dancin' right outside your door, sir, e
and his friend. They didn't know as
any one saw them, sir, but Bessie and
l see them, unbeknown, from the top of
the stairs. Then they went downstairs,
sir, fairly splittin' their sides with
laughin', though they didn't say .
word"
During an advance in Manila recent
ly, says the Chicago Tribune, one COM
pany had to lie down at the side of the
road for shelter from the well-directed
volleys Of the insurgents. One of the
privates had dropped his haversack in
the middle of the road away back, and,
after the company had laid down, he
| calmly stood up and walked down the
| road toward the lost haversack. He
made fine target for the insurgents,
| and the bullets ratified around him
pretty lively. Here, come back here,
O'Malley," yelled tie lieutenant Of the
company; you'll be killed. ''Well,"
replied O'Malley over his shoulder, 81
| might jest as well be killed as have
Cen Otis a-runnin' me up hill and
down dale and comm over to me house
livery mornin' and a-sayin', 'O'Malley,
! why don't you pay the government for
that haveysack? Then he calmly
walked on and got the lost piece of
property, and as he came back and sat
down just in time to escape volley of
| Mausers, he threw the haversack on
the ground and said: "And when he
does come tomorrow mornin' to me
house I'll say, Otis, me little man,
you're dead wrong. l never lost no
haveysack. There's your bloody old
potato bag Take it to the Government
with me compliments
It isn't so much what man thiuka