The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-07-15
THE LONDON PRESS AGENT.
How the Secretary" Dresses Up
Hollow Facts With Literary
Millinery.

In London each theater has its "secre-
tary." but there are 10 press agents. writes
a correspondent OF the Indianapolis Press.
Secretary is pretty word. Albeit. the
Bond street millinery shop scene In the new
Drury Lane meIodrama Hearts Are
Trumps." suggests To. the thoughtful audi
tor the proper maine for "A paid praiser. -
or praise AGENT commonly called press
agent IN our dear country. The last named
titie.S however, has been brought into so
much disrepute that the honest laborer in
the London theatrical vineyard rebels
against IL. He would be called anything
but that. which suggests the road agent or
the highway ro5ber. There is still a better
reason why the term press agent il alb
hOrrent to the EnSlishman. The word
agent is of Latin origin. meaning Ito do
Hence the phrase press agent signifies
TO do the press" Uogrid thought! Why
not theatrical milliner?" The press agent
takes a tiny fact and dresses 1t up in all
the gewgsws of fancy. just as miliiner
lays hold OF frIil wire frame and sews
on those dainty devises so dear to the femi-
nine heart-and so devastating 10 the male
eNcheqGer. one produces bewitchinS.
eye-teasing bonnet, the other a charming
literary chapeau. With these artisans the
method of producing effects is the same
both employ the articles, one savory and
satisfying 10 the mind. the other delicate
delight to the optic. The literary milliner
takes his fact and sews on flowers of fancy.
meiamorphc aigrettes and hyperboledn
feathers. smile buckle or a comparison
ornament. a red and green feather may
stand for the press agents mixed metaphor
"a purling stream will often run into a
heavenly eyeban, in spite OF the utmost
care,
Your poor praise agent must pack more
thoughts into half column than Thack-
cray or Dickens into a Quarto: His effu-
sions, like. the miiliner's,. must be either
stunning" ''swaggerer." smart" else
they are. to use a homely English term.
must never he dull or noninventive. Yet
We have much 10 he thankful for-there
are man milliners. but. thank heaven, there
are no female press agents. While the En-
Elishman cannot abide the phrase press
agent, he does. as Secretary. resort to
all the devices OF sheet-iron literary thun-
pourings OF his fountain pen must be as
lucid and as luminous az gumdrop, and
sparkle like phosphorescent CLEANS play
ing on the surface of the troubled sea, else
he is Informed that he has missed his voca-
ton and that the employment of sandwich
man is open to him. The English editors
mainder biscuit may af, se voyage b sne the
secretary's rhetoric must not be as stiff az
a statue, as motionless as a tombstone; IL
must pulsate as water after a sunset, trem-
BILE as sunshine through aspen leaves or
throb as a raven wounded. 1t should
sparkle as the dacing Of new stars. He
must write as a genius, even IL he be
Ounce.
But. you may ask how can this be done?
Easily. The fantastic feathers. shining
aigrets and fancy flowers that the miiiner
punches on a wire frame are not hers;
she did not make conceive or devise them.
Her trade Is to select tasteful combina-
lions OF these pretty articles and having
Piled her nimble needle to call them a hat.
SO also the so-called secretary. II he
have the Sense OF "a last years birds
nest" he will be as assiduous as hop
picker or a bee I'm gathering new SMILES,
metaphors and hyperboles. which. in nrilli-
merry. as before related. stand for buckles
refs nsn1f 1af 10 tSff bnr-a ,zfz-
tifui stock of rhetorical millinery on hand;
he will spend his days and nights with
Swift. Addison and johnson. and then with
the watchfuiness of spider sitting in his
web. he will pounce on every hollow fact
that comes along and dress II up. as would
a miiliner. in all the gay plumage OF rhet-