Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-06-16
BROKE IN SAN FRAGe&SCO

to sit down ar6-wflte the first rev chap-
tiers of that book I've had in mind for a
long time past-'Towns I've Been Broke
In.'" said a Washington man who's now
pretty sedate and prosperous citizen. The
information that I've picked up at first
hand on this general topic ought to make
pretty readable and instructive information.
I've been broke all the way from here to
Shanghai and back; not for very long peri
DDS at stretch. 1t is true, but fatty and
unqualifledly broke. without much Of an
apparent chance of winning out. at that;
and 1 think 1 could put down pretty ac-
curate tabulation of the hardest towns on
the globe in which to be broke. There are
lot of mean towns in the United States for
a man to go broke in Oddly enough, when
you consider what a mean town New York
IS in most other respects, 1 never found 1t
as bad as a lot of the other ones when it
came to the matter of going broke. l al
ways found something doing over there
when things got right down to bed rock.
Chicago's an adamant proposition. though
rea flint for man who's broke. Philadel-
phias pretty frosty; man hasn't got
much of show if he's broke in New Or
leans; ST. Louis is gruelng unto the soul
of the broke man: but for real cragginess
and hopelessness and norway -outness just
you try going broke in San Francisco once
and see how near you'll get to jumping off
the dock,
The reason why San Franciscos such
bad job when it comes to going broke there
Is that it's hard to break away from the
place You see, that bunch of mountains
between Frisco and the Mississippi river is
there to stay. You can't walk over EN-.
either. It's a case of ride when you want
to leave San Francisco. and it's a case,
likewise, of paying for your ride. II you
don't happen to have the little pasteboard
when the conductor comes around and looks
you in the eye off you go. and you're pref
ty liable to go off In nest of cacti or
patch of sagebrush bit of desert.
just about 2I2 miles from nowhere at all
The conductor doesn't care for your sensi-
bilties at all. Conductors who run
over-the-mountains-a nd-deserts trains from
San Francisco are real cruel. heartlesS per-
sons. so they are. They don't mind it in the
least if they have to pass by your bleaching
bonse on their trains -:65 days In the year.
They're caEoused to all that. You can gen
boats but then you're ditched when you
get down to the isthmus, and it's pretty
hard to stow away on one of the up DoatS
on the eastern side of the lsthmus. 1
ought to know but that's another story
1.-The last time I found myself broke IN
San Francisco was about twelve years ago.
l don't think 1 was ever broke worse IN NY
life Everything I'd possessed that the
man behind the counter of three-paii
house would so much as look at passed into
his possession without any parley WhatSo-
ever as to terms. and there came an ever
ing when l walked along kearney street
wide Pacific as a shroud than an awful,
weird hankerng to continue right on living
and eating could 1 only find some place
to eat! 1t was a raw. chilly evening
characteristic San Francisco evening, for
the glorious climate of California doesn
include San Francisco. which has the danh-
est clammiest, chilliest. foggiest climate
south of Labrador. l had pretty GOOD
front left and a mastadonic appetite. l
hadn't had thing to eat that day. Ia
walked around all day trying to get 1op'
without making it stick. San Francisco has
more restaurants than any city OF IT'S size
on this continent. and good eating's cheaper
there than in any other American city The
restaurants certainly did look warm ana
bright and glowing TO me that evening
But didn't have a red, and they weren't
for me-
Il walked around aimlessly until passed
by the Palace Hotel looked into the bril-
liant cafe of the Palace and saw chaps
lollng back in their places, the glow of the
candles in their faces, and the leaves from
the cut flowers falling gently to the table
cloths I pulled myself up suddenly and
thought and thought.
81 think SAID l to myself. that l shall
take dinner this evening inside here. The
Palace is good enough for me-
$50 l walked into the cafe of the Palace.
l objected to several places the head waiter
picked ont for me, thereby showing that
naughty parsonage that ] knew what was
what and gaining his respect from the
jump. l told him that l wanted the right
yokels-and he picked out the best man on
his staff and sent him to
Il wet through that Palace cafe menu
from soup to nuts. and there weren't any
wines on the card that suited me. That is.
l intimated to the head waiter. after trying
nearly all of the wines. that they didn't
precisely strike my palate.
I'll be within the shelter of the Five
Courts in something under half an hour
I reflected. with great complaisance, when
l had ordered the waiter to bring me three
of the best Reina Nictorias in the house for
a dollar and had just finished up the last
pint Of champagne, and stood ready for the
cognac and coffee but / was liable to've
turned up there sooner or later. anyhow.
and the Five Courts is good old sort of
a Jail to strike with a repete stomach
THE waiter brought me my cognac and
coffee and cigars. and 1 lit of the Rel
mas and started in to smoke peacefully.
81 suppose it'll get into the papers
unused. about the chap with the iron nerve
who walked into the Palace cafe and con-
sumed about s23 worth Of solids and vet
things, and then complaisantly admitted
his inability to liquidate therefor but the
papers have got to have some old thing to
write about, haven't they?
Il pursuing this line Of thought with
all the ease in life. my waiter meanwhile
standing at a respectful distance, waiting
for me to ask for my check and toss him a
couple-dolar bill when 1 noticed a man
with Vandyke beard seated at a tahe
about thirty feet to my right, gazing pretty
hard at me. He looked and looked and
looked at me.
"'That fellows probably the house de-
tectve,' l thought. and he has tumbled to
the fact that I'm about to swing the house
for some $23 worth of vands and drink
ables. Let him detect. however! 1t doesn't
make any difference to me whether I'm
yanked to the Five Courts by hotel -6etec-
tive or "a
while was pursuing this line of things.
however. the man who had been gazing at
hard got up from his table and
walked over to me. His face gradually
lighted up as he came closer to me, and it
was one broad grin when he held out his
hand to me and said Hello, JIM
Il knew him then right away. He was
chap I'd known back in Buffalo a number
of years before. I'd gone on his note at
that time for 5000. when he got mixed up in
a tange with his books on account of
gambling and he'd jumped Buffalo without
ever making the note good, SO that l had
to do it myself. I'd always felt pretty sore
on him for that job. and I'd had it In mind
for a number of years to do things to him
If ever l met him again.
II received him with calm cordially,
however, and he Immediately began to ex-
plain to me about that note for 5000, while
he looked sheepish. Said that only a year
before he'd mailed check for the amount
to me. and that it had come back to him.
as, of course, I'd moved away from Buffa-
To- He was having all kinds of prosperity
on the slODe he said and asked me how