Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1900-05-25

JeWett-JuSt the same; l married SIS
ters-same in-law.-Town Top
les.
DO you ever pay any attention to
the weather mans predictions p "Yes.
By reading what he predicts l can
nearly always tell what it isn't going
to do"
Mrs. Gadd-You do not show your
age at all. Mrs. Gabb (delighted)-
Don't l? Mrs. Gadd-No; l see you've
scratched it out of your family Bible
New York Weekly.
A Capitalist.-"Do you see that dogy'
"Yes; but what is there so wonderful
about. him?" He's worth fifty thou
sand dollarsw Good gracious! How
did he save the money"-Life.
Mrs. Thinkhard-Of late years the
spread of intelligence among all classes
has been simply wonderful. Old bach
elor-Yes. l notice there has been
great falling off in the number of mar
riages.
At Rehearsal.-Stage Manager
What! You laugh while you're sup
posed TO be dying! Actor-Certainly
At the wages you pay, why shouldn't
death be greeted with joy?-Eliegende
Blaetter.
What Is an exit, papaY Exit,
Freddy? Well, it Is a Latin placard
hung around on the walls in theaters
and Onara houcnc to lyaap DaopIa fron,
thinking they smell fire" e."-Indianapo-
lis Journal.
She-They've got a new girl at Hi
rams. He-Is that so? Can she cook
any better than the last one they had?
She-Well, hardly; this one is only
about twenty-four hours old.-Philadel-,
phia Record.
Would Affect His Trade,-Mack
O'Ral-Yes, he is always afraid the
sun may suddenly drop from its posi-
ton. Luke Warme-Is he a scientist?
Mack O'Rell-No; a parasol manufac-
turer.-Chicago News.
Burly Tramp-Wot's tn good of lit
tie dog like that? Mrs. Rural-To keep
off tramps. "He! he! Wot kin that
little critter do?' "He can bark; that
will wake up the big dogs under the
porch" Eyes, mum. Good day,
mum."-New York Weekly.
Papa" said Benny Boobumper. 81
saw two bad boys dipping cents, and
after a while they went away. and
| whom tboy boI Uopa foupd n nonny
did you play yourself. Benny" asked
Mr.. Bloobumper. mo, papa" Then
you were an ln-a-cent bystander."-
Bazaar.
pat, thought | hired you to carry
bricks up that ladder by the day"
"Ye did, sor" "Well. I've been watch
ing you, and you've only done it half
day to-day. The other half you spent
coming down the ladder" "Oi'll thry
to be doin betther tomorry, sor.'-
Harlem Life.
81 hope my explanation is satisfac-
tory" said Mr.. Younghusband, as he
concluded long narrative as to why
ne had been detained down town until
[ a. m. We'll" yawned Mrs. Young
husband, your excuse is fairly good
but it's not as good as father used to
make."-Chicago News.
Henry" said she, disconsolate'y,
you didn't give me birthday gift"
BY Jove! that's so." said Henry. hut
you see, you always look so young that
| can't realize you ever had birthdays"
Then she was happy and he smiled the
mean, subtle smile of man who has
saved money.-Boston Traveller.
"Algernon is very interesting" said
the stockholders daughter. What
does he talk aboutT' inquired her
father. why, he's ever so well po +
ed in Shakspearean quotations." :"
"Young woman said the iinancer,
sternly, don't you let him deceive you;
there amt no such stock on the mar
ket."-Tit-Bi
At country fete conju er was
performing the old trick of producing
eggs from hat, when he remarked TO
a little boy: Your mother cant ct
eggs without hens. can shey" "uf
course she CAM replied the Ia l.
why, how is that| asked the col-
jurer. "She keeps ducks replied the
boy, amid roars of aughtGr.-lit-B BIS
"Look here" said Mr.. Dobhs to tie
house agent, my wife will he calling
to-day, and want you to tell her that
that house we have been looking at is
taken" But, my good sir" protested
the agent, ut isn't taken" 1T will be
then" answered Mr.. Dobbs. II am
taking It now. Mrs. Dobbs can't make
up her mind, but she'll want 1t drectl7
she thinks she can't get it,
The volunteer in the Philippines
wrote home to the old man as follows:
"Father | need $50 Immediately. Lost