The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-03-07
FROM THE FIRST WARD.


Unless man has an exceptionally
good memory he will never become a
successful liar
Never judge man by his manner
towards his superiors. Judge him by
his manners towards his interiors.
Nobody sees us as we see ourselves.
We are all little ciphers, radiating Dor
rowed light and making shadows ten
times bigger than our size.
Mr.. Trauger amused the Hibernia
boys recently with few selections on
the banjo, which enlivened them to
such an extent as to cause them to
shake the dust from the soles of their
shoes. These fire laddies like little
innocent amusement, and an evening
spent at the Hibernia engine house is
sure to be rewarded with pleasant
memories
Science is surely encroaching upon
personal liberty. The other day man
went into Court with monograph un-
der his arm, and when he set the in
fernal machine in motion, the voice of
his wife was heard calling ont; Brute, "
Liar, ''Scoundrel, etc. The fellow
wanted divorce. He ought not to
get it. A man who will i'll cold blood
make monograph record OF ia coniugal
tiff and trudge off to Court with the
evidence under his arm, is all that the
wife declares him to be. 1t is taking
an unfair advantage of fair woman.
No doubt the wife had ample proyoca-
ton. A fellow capable of such unfeel-
ing conduct is brute. He is eft for
treason, strategem and spoils.
Standing on the wood pile one day
last week, looking ut blister on my
lilywhite hand, constructed by the
axe handle as it went slipping through
my grasp i'll the natural process of
splitting kindling for the kitchen stove,
| said, says | to myself, says |, this
shouldn't be thusly at all. These ala
baster hands should not be obliged to
toll on common wood pile any longer.
| ought to have government position
"a soft snap in the treasury, or sine
cure in the war department, or the APP
pointment of postmaster in same big
city. Then | paused moment to
ponder over what had said to myself,
and felt real pleased with my idea OF
the eternal fitness of things and clinch-
ed the argument with the intorroga-
ton, why not? Amt just as desery-
ing rs any other American citizen in
tho country? Haven't | given the
country moral and financial and spiritu-
al support ever since / was big enough
to own country, besides paying re-
venue on whisky and beer and tobacco
and patent medicine and diamonds and
bank checks? Haven't voted all the
political tickets on the criminal calen-
dar, besides lying for my party aud
candidates and come very near running
my health swilling down campaign
beer, and befouled the very atmosphere
of heaven with the odor of campaign
cigars? Could any other patriot do
more and worse things in the name of
government and to save the country
And why hasn't this ungratefnl govern
mont recognized my usefulness and
patriotism, and rewarded me with II
snap? She has snaps to give away aud
does give them away, and to men who
are not nearly so handsome rs | am,
| han f,,n r
tegrity and patriotism that is worthy
of drawing a salary every three months.
Why am | neglected? | don't even
get pension, and all our whole family
knows that my liver is in IN unlivery
condition half tho time
Just then two of my neighbors came
along and hung their bearded chins on
the picket fence and fixed their feet for
long stay and comfortable, and /
felt like unloading my woes to these
dear old neighbors who have always
been wrestling with woe and poverty
and neglect, and feel good and full of
holy charity when they stumble on to
somebody else who has got big fat
woe to rub up against their corrugat-
ed experience.
lyon don't expect to he rewarded
for your little bit OF patriotism, do
your ''To be sure do, saysI |. My
patriotism is just ms rich and juicy as
anybody else's patriotism. just ms full
of prejudice and blind egotism as
Bryan's, or Mark Hanna's, or McKin-
ley's, or Rudyard Kippling's, or Car
negies, or any of the Vanderbelts. |
have always declared for these be
nighted States when right. But
how are you when she's wrong, broke
i'll my neighbor. "Can you get up on
store box and declare for your coun-
try, right or wrong, like a politician"
We'll, not exactly" saysI. "When
my country is right, am willing to
take off my hat and coat and winter
suspenders and liver-pad and white tie,
and so out and shoot pale dun glory
into the enemies Of liberty and our
established customs
Dut when sile Wioup, tHiIlIleu
in my neighbor.
When she's wrong, says /, after
digging pond in my mental mind hole
and beginning to ponder in it for n
moment with my pants rolled up to my
chin, when she's wrong, have no coun-
try. A man in wrong country is
about like mn angel in awroug heaven
like burglar in the wrong house; like
bee in the wrong pair Of trousers.
When my country is wrong, / simply
go out and sit down on the fence and
wait till she comes around again to hsr
right mind"
'But how could you hang onto your
job?" inquired my neighbour.