Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1900-07-28

INUHStIS CICV SC!IT,
Mrs. Johnsing Can't stay long, Mrs.
Snow; | just come to see eff yo' wouldn +
JON dc mission band"
Mrs. Sno"-"Fo' de Ian sakes honey.
doan come to me. | can't even play on
a mouforgan. "-Woman's Journal.
Lord Sayvan-De Livrus-"Ah, but
your leisure ciawss in this country have
no titles"
Miss Nonsense. What's the
matter with hobo Weary Willie.'
Dusty Roads, and so on? Philadel-
phia Press.
Foreigner-"Have you any American
composers?"
American (proudly)-''Lots of en-.
There's Schlossenwertz, Sweipierensciek,
Mickiwitz, Ouscaspiel, Sweitzerwasser-
andt, and ever so many morc"-New
York Weekly.
Always in Season.-"Oysters are ont
Of season, l believer" said the puffy
party.
Yes" replied the head waiter, glanc,
ing across at the dude who was dining
a soubrette, this is the lobster season."
Philadelphia North American.
The Ways of Babies.-"Pa, wouldn't
have little sister for anything"
why, Tommy"
Cause, pa, Jimmy Dobbs' little sister
cries an cries until he gets down on tn
floor, an let's her tramp up an down on
his stummick. "-Indianapolis Journal
"Muggsy swiped a pair "a
shoes from a store yistidy."
Lifter-"Did they fit him?''
Swpsey-"I don't t'ink so. heard one
o, de fellers say dat couple O cops come
! along while MuggSy wuz tryin' de shoes
on. an dey pinched i'm. "-Philadelphia
| Record.
Cahill-"Oi hod two brothers thot nver
voted the Dimmycratic ticket in their
Costigan-"They must how bin blame
queer"
Cahill-"They was. Wan av thin died
coming over and the other wan niver lift
Oireland. Judge.
Diner Ito restaurant waiter)-"What
| have you got for dinnerY
! Waiter Roast beef fricasseed chicken
stewed lamb hash baked and fried potatoes
! College pudding milk tea and coffee"
| Diner-"Give me the third, fourth
| fifth, sixth, eighth. teenth and nineteenth
| syllables. "-Tid-Bits.
There you are" said the senator who
was seeking a denomination. handing oy-
err goodly check. There's my contri-
button to. the campaign fund"
Il don't suppose" said the machine
| boss. that you'll want receipt for it,"
NO. You just reseat me, that's all -
| Philadelphia Press.
"Bixby went into French restaurant
anu C3llCu Tor CaUY Oh lay.
That's all right. Coffee with milk
What then?'
Why, he got mad
''What for?'
Because they didn't bring him coffee
and an egg. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer
a. said the gentleman who had fairly
Drospercd, lam humbly proud of the fact
! that | took Get thee behind me, Satan
as my motto when l began business life
*
gentleman, who had measured business
wits with the first gentleman, like hay
ing good backing. indianapolis News
Wife treading)-'Another mysterious
Isuicide-unknown man throws himself
from a cliff
Husband ,thoushtlessly)-"Bct his wife
was at the bottom of it."
Wife-'Charlesr
Husband thurriedly(-"Of the cliff. my
love; net the suicide. Golfers Weekly
McJigger-T Just saw ballroom down
the street. He"
Thingumbob-"Hu That fellow
What's the matter? Ev-
erybody at your boarding house seems to
his board promptly?"
Thingumbob-"' Umph. It's worse than
that. He lends the landlady money! =
Philadelphia Press.
Very well" concluded the lady of the
house. Il will engage you"
Yes. ma'am." said the pretty cham
bermaid, land think I'd better tell you,
ma'am, that I've got a steady beau that
I'm very fond Of"
"Oh! that's all right"
Yes, ma am. SO if you catch your
husband tryin' to kiss me you'll know it
amt my Observation-Disclosures Press.
When it was become winter, the Grass
hopper went to the Ant and asked for a
cold hand-out or something,
No" said the Ant, lit is useless TO
lmportune me. | am adamant"
And what" exclaimed the Grasshop-
per, turning away, lis to be expected Of
ANTI"
This fable teaches that one may be
shiftiess yet equally witty.-Detroit
Journal.
Not Good on the Servant Question.
My wife is mad and don't blame her
and I'll tell you why" said Jones yester-
day. I'VE have kept house for twenty
years, and / figure that during that time
we have had at least eighty hired girls
Several years ago Mrs. Jones was for
tunate to secure a jewel of girl: but
she was indiscreet enough TO brag about
1t around the neighborhoOd. with the re-
suit that one of the neighbors enticed
ner away. nDdpr OrOrf,iea of vino bor