davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Brunswick times. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 188?-1900, 1900-01-16

vssas. roieao. huess county.
tank eesaeg aass oath that he IL senior
pa' Aer q tho arm III. cheaey 3 Co, doing
bnslness q the eit n1oledo, county and state
liorssaid, and iha aid nrm win pay the sum Q
osE tauNhRED oILARs for each and every
case Of easAl1h thAt canaot be cured by HANS
catprsh Cure
PRANK j. CHENEY.
sworn to and subscribed before me this 9Th
day Of December, 1885,
A. W. GLEASON,
Notary Hubble.
Sold BY All druggists 7Sc
Hairs Family Pills arc The Lat. -'---
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04
THE FOOL OF THE TOWN.
BY NJ. Quad.


AS a boy, born in the town of Col
vile, of parents in moderate circum-
stances, John Williams was called dull.
When he had reached his majority, he
was accounted Eight in the head" He
was a butt of ridicule for years and
years, and no one could even remem-
Der that he resented it. When he was
told, as was often the case, that he
was only half-witted, he agreed in
good natured way. If people laughed
at him he laughed back, and if the
joke was on him it seemed to please
him as much as if some one else had
been hit There was only one thing
about the town fool which was not as
plain as day. From the time he was
eighteen years old he kept diary. 1t
was often wondered what he wrote
down, but no one ever had chance
to see. The diary didn't take in daily
events as was one day discovered, but
in the course of twelve years an
abundance of things were jotted down.
At the age of thirty John Williams
was fatally injured by the kick of a
horse. When it was given out that he
had only three or four days to live
the public had no sympathy to waste.
Perhaps the town fool didn't expect
any. From the time the doctors told
him he was a doomed man he began
to set his house in order That is, he
had his diaries brought to his bed and
sent for a justice of peace and a
worthy witness. He had few death
bed confessions to make. Number one
went back twelve years. A saw mill
in the town had been destroyed by
fire. The day after the fire man
named Thompson had put red hot
cent on the sidewalk for the town fool
to pick up. The diary recorded both
events The confession was to the eff
feet that John Williams had seen
Thompson set fire to the mill. 1t was
written out and sworn to and wit
messed, and then came confession num-
Der two. In that same year some one
had stolen three smoked hams from
the cellar of villager. Following
close upon the loss of the hams, as
duly recorded in the diary, the village
blacksmith had ducked the town fool
in his water tub for a joke. The con-
fession was to the effect that Will
liams and the blacksmith stole the
hams, ands that the latter was the only
one to profit by the theft. The two
confessions implicated men who had
always been considered upright, and
the justice felt it his duty to say:
John, this is serious business. You
know you have only three days to
live
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04

never Craze a thing. It's a bright
moonlight night, and we'll take ten
mile spin and have lots of fun over
it. Better get yourself ready"
'I-I don't think I'll go, and I wish
you would give this thing up. If you
will I'll never say another word about
your other fads."
"Other fads!" shouted Mr.. Bowser
as he fired up in an instant. Woman
I've heard enough about the fad bust
nessl One would think me a fool to
hear you talk. If it's fad to buy a
$3.50 horseless carriage for $500, then
it's fad to buy meat for dinner. If
you don't want to go along with me
his evening then you can stay at
home"
Butt don't want you to go, either"
she protested. "a horseless carriage
is dangerous thing to trifie with.
You can't have had much experience
and l feel certain that there will be an
accident. Don't be angry with me,
and don't run any foolish risks"
Mrs. Bowser," he said, after a long
look at her. Il have lived for forty
five years without guardian, and 1
object to one now. / think I know
what I'm doing. l shall try this horse
less carriage this evening. / shall buy
it. l shall make daily use of it. There
is no need of any Quarreling. You
can take your outings in a rocking
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04
Drawing Qualities

around and piled it in heap and run
over 1t. The man with the ladder got
up and swore. He swore in English,
French and Germany, but Mr.. Bowser
was block and half away and turn
ing around for the spin home. He knew
that Mrs. Bowser and the cat would
be looking and he pulled the throttle
wide open to cut dash. That big
brick pile was only half a block away
and occupying half the street. He
saw it and be aimed to miss it by ten
feet, but five seconds later there was
yell and a crash which brought out
hundred people in no time. The
horseless carriage had tried it's best
to climb the brick pile, but had sue
ceeded in getting only half way UP.
They found tangle of wheels,
spokes. splinters, rods and levers, and
in the midst of the tangle was Mr..
Bowser. He wasn't saying a word.
Indeed it was two hours after they
rugged MIN into the mouse DefCre ne
said anything. Before that time the
doctor had patched him up, the police
had driven the crowd away, and Mrs.
Bowser and the family cat had fig
ured out how it all came about.
"Has-has anything happened?"
asked Mr. Bowser. as he looked
around in a puzzled way.
Nothing much" quietly remarked
Mrs. Bowser. You've simply been
taking a ride in horseless carriage"
"And why-why am in bed and all
bandaged up"
ooh, you are just resting and get
ting ready for the next fad"
Then Mr.. Bowser closed his eyes
with a sigh. Mrs. Bowser turned down
the gas little, and the cat went down
stairs and look for mice and get the
smell of arnica and camphor out of her
nostrils.
Copyright, 1900, by c. 2. Lewis)
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04

around. I remember dot, und when a
woman comes in NIT a hole in her
shoe don't try to be funny. Dot shoe
vhas No. 5, but T look at it und
smile und says:
81 declare, but l vhas astonished.'
How she vhas?' says dot woman.
'Sooch cute little shoe! Bless
me, but you haf der smallest foot OF
any lady in dis city,"
You vhas a liar or fool.' says
dot woman. Dot shoe vhas No. on
a wide last, und vhas window
cleaner und no lady! Gif me dot shoe
und l Will go by der next place.'
1T vhas shuts like dot all der time
all der time" said the cobbler as he
reached for his lap-board and began
shaving at a piece of leather. "Efery
time l shoke make somebody mad.
Efery time l praise anybody it vhas
all wrong. People belief l vhas drunk
or some fools or crazy, und so 1 goes
by dot little tailor und says:
You say l shall shohe, but you see
hat lost all my customers. How
vhas it now?"
Don't shoke no more he says. II
didn't see how it vhas before, but 1 do
now. Some SMOKES vhas all right in a
tailor shop, but cobbler shall only bow
und smile und fix up does heels for
forty cents!"
Copyright, 1900. by C. B. Lewis.)
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04

" 'Neffer. / don't know you
"'But You told my Susan you see me
Walking out NIT another girl!
Dot vhas only some shokes.'
Some SMOKES, Ell? You make big
quarrel 10 get some shokes Vhell,
maybe hat a little shoke nit you to
pay for it!''
1T vhas awful-awful." whispered
the cobbler with many mournful shak-
es OF the head. Dot young man al
most wrecks my shop und leafs me for
dead. ind for two days I belief all my
bones vhas broke. / sends for dot lit
tie tailor, urd he laughs und laugh and
says don't hat some good Judgment.
It vhas not case Of Shocking, but for
fattery. II I tell dot cook she hat der
smallest feet Of any Lady in town II
vhas all righ& und nobody hclo me
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04

his heart. He'd make that carriage
get up and hump itself or run the four
wheels UP tree. He made the first
block in tolerably good shape, though
taking up most of the street, and then
he put on steam to beat street car
at the crossing. AS he did so he just
missed an old woman with market
basket who was crossing the street,
and as he crossed the tracks he made
such close shave of being run down
by the car that the motorman had five
years added to his age in ten seconds.
He yelled at Mr.. Bowser, and the con-
ductor seconded his efforts as the rear
end of the car came along, but as the
horseless carriage was taking short
cut over the sidewalk and around
lamp post their profane greetings were
unheeded. Five minutes later the We
hicle drew up in front of the Bowser
mansion in good shape, but the owner
of the horseless carriage anxiously re-
marked:
eff were you I'd go little slow.
This thing wasn't built to climb trees
or jump fences"
Don't worry about me-" replied
Mr.. Bowser. as he set off down the
street, but there was cause to worry
before he had gone half block. A
man was carrying ladder across the
and slowed the whole United States
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04

a month or more, without giving him.
self away by as much as wink, he
had been quietly investigating the
merits of the horseless carriage. He
hadn't jumped to conclusions. 1t was
only after weighing the pros and
cons several times over that he had
made up his mind that horseless car
riage was a good thing. 1t saved
horses; it saved harness and horse
shoes; it saved oats and curry combs
and koTse blankets. A horseless car
rage never had the collie or poll evil.
There was just exactly one hundred
reasons why horseless carriage was
better than live horse and a detached
carriage.
well, what of all this?" asked
Mrs. Bowser, as he paused for breath.
what of all this? Why, I'm going
to buy horseless carriage, of course"
You don't mean it!
why not? We have long wanted
O.oS dllu CdII1dSc VIC ANSN tllC llOoAA
air and recreation it will give us.
More than dozen doctors have told
me that if 1 didn't get out more my
lungs would co.
But I'd never dare ride in horse
less carriage" she protested. Please
give up the idea Your lungs are all
right and I'm sure"
Mrs. Bowser," he interrupted, I'VE
are to have a horseless carriage!
That is. friend of mine who owns
one and can be induced to part with
It. is coming around here with the We
hicle in about an hour. We are to try
it, and if pleased in every respect
shall give him my check
And you are to manage the vehi-
Ae?"
II am to manage. / haven't said a
Word about it, but I've been out with
the carriage on three different occa-
sions. can manage it to perfection.
can drive it ten thousand miles and
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04
MR.. BowsER's TRIBuLATIoNs.
He Experiment. With a Hor.eie..

He Experiments With a Horseless
Carriage and Several Things
Happen.
There was the broadcast, blandest and
Junest sort of smile on Mr.. Bowser's
face as he reached home the other
evening, and before Mrs. Bowser
could ask him question he called out
in CHEEKY voice:
"Hey, old girl, but weren't you say
ing last night that you'd like to go to
the Paris Exposit;on?"
"Yes, I'd like to co." she replied, "but
you know"
"Then get on your bonnet and we'll
START" he chuckled as he chucked her
under the chin.
"What--what has happened?" she
asked, as she looked at him in a puz-
zled way.
Europe London-Paris - Berlin
two years Abroad he laughed, as he
went Waiting up and down with the
family cat close at his heels.
Dinner was half over before Mr..
Eowser's secret came out. He hadn't
discovered new spring tonic nor
bought any thing new in rat traps For
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04

vhas like funerals. Do you belief Gus
toners like dot? No, stree. In dis
country eaferbody yhas full of fun,
und you must be dot same vhay. If
somebody comes into my p-- to get
his coat cleaned, or his trousers press
ed | vhas all SMOKES, und he goes
avahy pleased und comes again. Go by
your shop und begin to shoke, und
tell you pcesness Will be better
"Vehll, maybe dot yhas so,' unused
the cobbler as he sharpened away. II
vhas no hand to shoko, but if der peo-
pie yhant SMOKES / must do all | can.
l goes home, und purity queek an old
man comes in und says he likes to hat
sole on his shoe for forty cents. He
vhas very solemn und don't half any
fun about him, but I laf as hard as l
can und ask him if he vhas out NIT
der boys last night und have got some
big head on him. How you belief he
talked to me? He says l vhas leath-
er-headed idiot, und if 1 make some
more SMOKES on him he Will make me
eat my own wax. He goes avahy NIT
der shoes, udn of course he neffer come
back any more. Dott little tailor comes
in und l ask him about it und he says:
Well, you made one little mistake,
but dot don't count. Keep right on NIT
your shokes.'
der next man who comes vhas fat
man who likes to half cement patch
for twenty cents. He looks pleasant,
und so shpoke init him. ask him if
he gets dose shoes fixed I'D for a fat
mans race, und he goes red in der face
und says he can mop der floor NIT my
body. try to shoke some more. und
he calls me fool und goes out nit Ger
shoes, und so l lose another job. l
don't like it, but dot little tailor says:
Hans, it vhas all right, only
forgot to tell you dat you must be q
little sharp. If man vhas too Fat or
too lean don't make some SMOKES ahcut
it. Nobody likes to be hit
II see how it vhas, und I shall do
better next time. An old womans comes
in NIT three pairs of children's shoes
to be fixed. like to shohe NIT her
und make it all right, but l don't make
no mistake und shoke about her being
sixty vars old. / say she vhas hooking
so young und smart dot l belief she
vhas only twenty years old. Was
laughing und feeling good when she
looks at me und says:
-" 'Cobbler, if you vhas SO drunk dot
you can't tell grandmother from a
girl don't leave no shoes to be
fixed,'
"Out she goes, und it Thas bad for
me again. l goes by der little tailor
sometimes so NIT an old womans und
can't be helped. l must keep light on
und it vhas all o. K. Next day cook
comes in my shop to get two buttons
sewed on. She vhas a nice-looking
girl und like to keep her custom.
shoke NIT her und say see her Teller
walking out NIT another girl She don't
shoke nit me. She stands oop und
says ] vhas a liar, und when she gees
out know she shall neffer come back.
In two hours a young man comes in
und looks at me und says:
How you mean, eh, You bow
backed, lop-shouldered liar by some
clocks! When you see me walking
out?'
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04
hair and die of consumption"

chair and die of consumption"
At that moment the vehicle arrived
and Mr.. Bowser went out to meet it.
When the owner inquired why Mrs.
Bowser had not appeared he was told
that she was not feeling we'll. He
seemed bit relieved at the news and
added:
II guess you'd better take me along
with you this evening. l don't think
anything will get out of order. but
you'll have more confidence in yourself
if I'm along"
ooh, I've plenty of confidence" re-
piled Mr.. Bowser. I'm just going to
scoot up and down in front OF the
house for awhile. Mrs. Bowser is a
little bit shy of the carriage, but when
she looks out of the window and sees
me gliding along she'll get over her
nervousness"
You're sure you've got the hang of
it?"
Perfectly sure. It's as easy as spin
ming top"
Look out when you cross the car
tracks up there, and take due notice
of the brick pile down the street. 1
wouldn't make the speed over about
four miles an hour"
Mr. Bowser mounted to the seat
with all the confidence of a man start
ing to drive pig out of the garden.
AS he started the vehicle up he no
iced Mrs. Bowser and the family cat
taking a peep at him from a front
window, and there were exultation in
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04

Yes, l know" replied John, but
we have hardly begun yet. I've got
to get a whole cart load of things off
my mind before / go. Get ready to
take down number three"
Number three dated back eleven
years. A horse had been stolen from
a nearby farmer. and about the same
date village painter named Swayne
bad painted the town FOOLS boots q
bright red by way of a joke. The con-
fession solemnly confessed that the
painter and Williams had stolen the
horse and turned him over to a
stranger to be run out of town and
sold. Many little details were put
down and as it was solemnly sworn
to the justice heaved sigh over the
deceit and wickedness of a man who
had always been looked up to as full of
integrity.
There can be no mistake about
this, Billy" he queried, as he laid the
paper beside the others.
Straight as a string" replied the
town fool. 81 stole the saddle and
Swayne stole the horse and if wasn't
going to die should ask you to send
me to State prison"
Confession number four went back
ten years. A church edifice belonging
to the Methodists had been set on fire
and partly destroyed. 1t had been
pretty we'll settled that it was the work
of tramps, who had broken in, but no
one had been arrested. Williams now
confessed that the widow Davidson,
who was known to be an ardent Bap-
fist. had hired him for five dollars to
set the fire.
"But it can't be, Billy-it can't be-"
exclaimed justice and witness in
chorus as the dying man made the
charge.
Put it right down and let me swear
to it," replied Billy, you want to re-
member that I'm on my dying bed,
and you don't suppose I'd talk through
my hat, do your"
Confession number five was only a
little one, and was made simply to
keep the list without break. That
also went back ten years. Some one
had yanked the town pump out by the
roots one night and carried 1t OFF. The
act was laid to the young men Of the
village, but the dying man now con-
fessed the truth. The leading mer-
chant of the town had shared the
guilt with him. There had been q
great deal of i'll feeling over the pump
and it was stolen to settle the ques-
ton of Pump or no pump" The
Justice stood up to get a better look
at Billy. The merchant was truth,
honor and responsibility combined,
and the idea that he would do such a
thing was appalling.
PUT it right down in black and
white" said the town fool. as he was
warned of the seriousness OF such a
charge. Lots Of things have been
going on in this town to surprise folks,
and want to unburden my conscience
while l am at it"
Confession number six was brief
one. The town fool had been hired by
the leading physician Of the village to
poison a COW which had destroyed his
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-04
DER GERMAN COBBLER.
Some More Advice by the Little Tail
or and How it Resulted.

"Peesness vhas a little slow one
time says the German cobler as he
sharpenei his shoe-knife to cut out a
patch, "und so 1 goes by dot little
tailor to ask for advice. He vhas in
America for long time. und know
how she vhas. After talk to him he
says:
Hans, you vhas good cobler, but
you vhas q poor peesness man. II
somebody comes into your shop NIT a
pair Of shoes you don't make some
SMOKES. You yhas too seriouA You
The Oskaloosa herald., 1900-02-15
MOST BEYOND RELIEF
IF it Were Not for Oskaloosa In
dorsement People Might be
Skeptical.

No wonder people doubt!
So many statements are made.
Statements Endorsed by strangers.
From people living in distant towns.
Don't know them and can't see
them.
Such has hazy aspect.
Oskaloosa people want local proof.
That's what we have here.
It's not beyond belief because it can
be proven.
Read a local citizens testimony.
Mrs. Ellen BeDillon of 31S North ID
street. says: "Ihad pain in my back,
very severe by spells, for several
years and my kidneys were in an un-
healthy condition. Doan's Kidney
Pills were procured from Blakeslee
& Heinzman's drug store and took
course of the treatment. My back
soon BEGAN stronger and the kid
neys were strengthened; in fact there
was a change for the better in my
whole system"
Price soc. Foster Milburn Co.,
Buffalo N. Y, sole agents for the
United States. Remember the name
-Doan's-and take no other.
The Oskaloosa herald., 1900-02-15

The subject of this sketch, John
Laughrey. was born in Knox county,
Ohio. September 10, 1918, and was 81
wears 4 months and 20 days old at
the time of his death, which occur
red at the home of his daughter,
Mrs. j r. Roberts, in Rose Hill on
"Wednesday, February s, 1900, at IL
a. IN. Funeral at M. T.. church on
saturday at IL a. M, conducted by
Rev. A. W. McBlain, pastor, and In
torment in Roberts cemetery, norun
of Rose HILL John Laughrey was
married to Harriet Nash, February
18th, 1916, and moved to Iowa in 1860.
To this union was born nine children,
Sarah E., Henry M, Mary M, fran
els NJ, John N, Ross E., Caroline A.,
Emily j. and William l.. His wife
passed away June I'd, 1898. Since
then Father Laughrey has made his
of the time with Mrs. Fannie Ellis
and Miss Malissa Roberts. The chill
dren are all living except Henry M,
who died Nav IA, 1876. Caroline A.
Fallon and Ross E. live in New
Sharon. Malissa Roberts and Fran
els Ellis live in Rose Hill, Sarah
lGeGu III A1OnIO6 W" liphlPS " LAW ONAAA
N, William L. and Emily j. Summers
are living in Oklahoma. Father
Laughrey, as he was commonly called,
had followed farming all his life and
had made quite a success of it, hav-
ing accumulated a good farm, and
had for years lived at ease, as far as
this worlds goods were concerned.
He had been afflicted with paralysis
for a good many years, but had borne
his affection with great christian for
| titude. He had been a member of
the Baptist church for many years
and always lived an earnest christian
! life. In politics he was a republican
of the simon pure make up, and was
a man that was always ready and
willing to give a satisfactory reason
for his honest convictions. While
we deeply sympathize with these
relatives in their sad bereavement,
we all have the consolation of know
ing that Father Laughrey has left a
! record behind that is full of all the
good characteristics that it takes to
make up our best citizenship of
this great commonwealth.
Feb. II. NAsBY.
The Oskaloosa herald., 1900-02-15
DISTRICT COURT.
Opening of the February Term
of Mahaska County Court.

The formal opening of the Mahaska
County District Court occurred Tues
day afternoon at 80 O'Clock. Judge
Scott, of Brooklyn, was on the bench.
James Glass will act as bailiff of the
term.
The Grand Jury appeared to-day
and went to their work in charge of
Bailiff Ed. Dobyns, and it is under
stood there will be considerable work
for the consideration of the gentle
men.
The opening of court was post
poned week on account of the ILL
ness of Judge Scott. The gentleman
is still indisposed but will be able to
attend to matters of court.
The Judge was at Des Moines one
day last week serving in the place of
Judge Prouty. He heard the case of
the State VS.. Frank Bedding, indicted
for assaulting and robbing an old
man. The defendant was found
guilty as charged, and it b. came the
duty of Judge Scott to sentence him.
The prisoner was given twenty years
in the penitentiary. The sentence so