Holbrook argus. (Holbrook, Ariz.) 1900-1913, 1900-08-25
AS AN EAsTERNER SEES US.
Reporter CT Chicago Paper Writes
FacetiousIy of Arizona.

quested me to write little screed
giving my impressions of the terri
tory. | am at loss to know why
my views of the West are any more
worth printing than are those of any
other hobo who happens to be
counting ties along the Santa Fe
railroad, but L presume the editor
knows his business, so here goes,
hit or miss.
First of all, the thing that i'm
pressed me most on landing in Hol
brook was the absence of auto
mobiles and negro women on bicy
cles. This was indeed relief to
me, for | came from Chicago.
As | was about to take my de-
parture from that city an auto
mobile slipped up on me unawares,
and to get out Of the way l made
leap for life to the right. l don't
know just how it happened, but
when | landed | discovered my
anatomy was sadly mixed up with a
800 pound negro woman and BIZ
cycle.
In the scrimmage that followed
the bike jumped astride of my neck
and Mrs. Negro sat down on my
solar plexus. She said numerous
unpleasant things and began TO
spoil my resemblance with a dill
gence that would do bob cat
proud. Finally, just as the patrol
wagon dashed up [ succeeded in
/. freeing myself from the unwilling
embrace of my newly made acquaint-
ance and looked for tree. None
being handy, started up the fire
escape of the Monadnock building.
To my further discomfort the black
amazon followed. On reaching the
sixteenth floor she overhauled me,
and up there 200 feet above the as
phalt of jackson boulevard
But, as | was saying, l was greatly
pleased to find that advancing civil
lzation with it's missionaries, mort
cages and other modern improve
ments had not overstocked Hol-
brook with hiking negroes and auto
cabs.
The COW puncher was revelation
to me. He hadn't horas, as I ex-
pected, nor he didn't shoot at my
foet just to see me Jump.
The first real puncher l met was
Mr.. Johnny Come Lately, alias
Paulsell. He kindly invited me out
TO his ranch and there [ was made
acquainted with Reese Bowen, and
a sort Of a seductive and savory dish
called son-of- a. gun-no, that wasn't
exactly what they called it either.
My memory is faulty at times, but l
think the term applied to the sue
culent concoction was a little
stronger than son of-a-gun, but just
at present | am unable to recall it.
Anyhow it was great stuff.
l stayed with Come Latel y until
wore my welcome out, as we'll as the
seat of my trousers.
Then l went to Col. Burton Moss
man of the Hashknife outfit and
; told him hard luck story hoping he
would take pity on me. l explained
that was dying man in a strange
country, without friends and with
out money, and he answered me
saying he was conducting neither g
, hospital nor a poorhouse.
1t was plain that l had played hin
for the wrong sort of sucker Fol
moment l was puzzled, and tC
break an awkward silence 1 asked
him to have a drink. He declined
= Pressing matters, [ suggested ;
cigar. | wasn't watching closely
, but ii he took cigar he took it in I
liquid form,
That broke the ice. I then began
/ to get confidential and talked cattle
9 He listened intently, as though
f were giving him some good pointers
After l had exhausted my "ho
air" tanks he took the conversation
in hand and explained in detail tn
workings of a cattle hatchery. A
a last he invited me out to his rancl
n to inspect his new calf incubators
= When we reached the ranch head
quarters Colonel Mossman suddenl.
d remembered that the incubator
! had been moved to the mountain
n on account Of the extraordinary
q dry weather.
By this time the colonel had m
. curiosity screwed up to the limit
S and no doubt my countenapce be
" trayed my thoughts. Not wishin
d to see me disappointed, he gave me
horse and sent me to the Mogallon
with Capt. Frank Wallace. TIL
latter gentleman was instructed t
u show me the whole works." and h
e did it.
l However, just as we were with
d three miles of the spot where tn
incubators were turning out calve
II at the rate of twenty per day l fe
u and sprained my ankle SO that
is could not ride There being n
,e wagon road to the incubators, l wa
81 forced to return to Winslow withou
" having nv morbid curiosity satisfied
IS But saw the Tonic Basin frol
P. the run! Hugo and Gautier al
t. perhaps the greatest descriptiv
n writer's of modern times, but l al
, inclined to believe that their per
IL would balk should they try to d.
Is scribe the magnifcence and sui
st Unity of the Tonic as seen frol
te the Mogallon run.
ARNOLD GERsrELLE.