Hutchinson gazette. [volume] (Hutchinson, Kan.) 1895-1902, 1900-05-03
SWALLOWED 1T ALIVE.


VI un oghNNl npHhu III pl' iuHln VIVA
thrust open, ind In stalked Il herG
from the Sucker state (lllinols), lie
was quite six feet high, spare coun-
tenanGe, and his hands pushed clear
down TO the bottom OF his breeches'
pocket, His outer coverings was hard
10 describe, but after surveying him
mlnutely we concluded that his suit
had been made in his boyhood, of u
ulngy yellow linsey-woolsey, and that
having sprouted up with astonishing
Tapidity he had been forced to piece
II out with all colors. In spite OF his
eXertions, however, he had fallen in
arrears about foot OF the natural
length, and consequently stuck that
far through his ineXpresslbles. His
crop Of hair was surmounted by the
funniest little seal skin cap imaginable
After taking position, he INDUCED
in u long stare nt the man opening
the blyalyes, and slowly CIRCULATED
"lysters!"
"Yes sir" responded the attentive
operator, "0nd fine ones, too"
"Well, I've heard of iysters, nfore,'
says he, "but this Is the fust time I've
seed eTn, and perhaps III know what
they are made Of afore | get out OF
town"
Having expressed his desperate in
tentlon, he cautiously Approached the
plate and scrutinized the uncased
shell fish with gravity and interest
which would have done honor to the
most illustrious searcher into the
mysteries Of nature. At length he be-
gan to soliloquiZe on the difficulty Of
getting them out, and how queer they
looked when out,
"l never seed things hold on So
takes an ama2n' sight O screwin',
boss, to get EN- out, and amt they
slick and slippery when they does
come? Smooth rs an eel! I've good
mind to give that fellow lodgin', just
to realize the effects, as Uncle jess
used to say about the speculation"
well, SIR was the reply, down
with two bits, and you can have a doz'
Ell.
1.-TWO bits!" exclaimed the Sucker,
"stickin' IL on rite strong, boss, for
iysters. A dozen ON them amt nothin'
to n chicken, and there's no getting
morn piece for them. I've only real
lied forty-fye picayunes on my first
venture to ST. Louis. III tell you what
I'll gin you two chickens for dozen,
II you'll conclude to deal"
. wag, who was standing by, in
dulging in dozen, winked to the at
tendant to shell out, and the offer
was accepted "Now mind repeated
the Sucker" all fair, two chickens for
a dozen you're witness, mister"
turning at the same time to the wag,
none Of your tricks, for have heard
that you city felcrs are mighty slip
perry coons."
The bargain being fairly understood
our Sucker PREPARED himself for the
onset, deliberately put Off his seal skin
tucked up his sleeves, and, fork in
hand awaited the appearance of No. l.
1t came he saw--Hnd quickly II was
bolted, A moments dreadful pause
ensued, The wag dropped his knife
and fork with u look of mingled |
nmazement and horror--something
akin to Shakspenre's Hamlet seeing
his daddys ghost-while he burst into
the exclamation:
Swallowed alive, as l am Chris
tan"
Our Sucker hero had opened his
mouth with pleasure a moment before
but now it stood open, Fear-horror,
a dread of he didn't know what-a
consciousness that all wasn't right,
and ignorant of the extent of the
wrong-the uncertainty of the mo-
ment was terrible, Urged to despera-
ton, he faltered:
eWhat on airths the row."
"Did you swallow it alive?" inquired
the wag.
81 swallowed it jest as he gin it to
mel" shouted the Sucker,
"You're dead mani" exclaimed
his anxious friend, "the creature is
alive, and will cut right through you,"
he added, in hopeless tone,
sect pi2en pump and pump it out"
shouted the sucker in u frenzy, his
eyes fairly starting from their Sock
cts. sob, gracious, what'll | do! It's
got hold Of my nnards already, and
I'm dead as chicken. DO something
for me, do--don't let the sea toad eat
me before your eyes"
"Why don't you put some Of this on
it?" inquired the wag, pointing to a
bottle of strong pepper sauce.
The hint was enough-the Sucker,
upon the instant, seized the bottle, and
wrenching out the cork, swallowed
half the contents at draught.
lie fairly squealed from its effects,
and gasped and bowed, and pitched
and twisted, as if it were coursing
through him with electric effect,
while at the same time his eyes ran a
stream of tears. At length, becoming
n little composed, his waggish advis-
er approached, almost bursting with
laughter, and inquiries:
"IIow are you old fellow-did you
kill it?"
"Well, | did, boss-ugh--ugh-oh!
no! oh! my innards! If that iyster
dying agonies didn't stir up
q ruption in me equal to a small arth-
quake, then'taint no use sayin' it it
squirmed like a sarpint when that kill
in stuff touched it; but"--ond here
with countenance made Of suppress,
ed agony and present determination,
he caused to give force to his words,
and slowly and deliberately Remarked
-"1f you get two chickens from me
for that animal, I'll be u" and seiz-