The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1900-08-27
JESTS MADE IN WARFARE.

= AIAO L ~ LA IA ~ - ~ NA'@A - = ~
Jokes Uttered in I8eIeagured FOrtresses
and on Bloody BattIehelds-More sar-
castle Than Courteous.
Jssts have been uttered in the most ap-
parentIy unlikely situations, says the
London Globe. ''Vespasion died in a
est,'' writes Lord Bacon, and on sick
beds, in prisons, and on scaffolds, the
Inveterate humorist has given vent to
witticisms. Don't send me to Grave
send by water pleaded Hood, when his
doctor recommended hydropathio treat
merit; Sir Thomas More's latest utter
ance in life was jest. "Don Quixots. ="
with all Sanoho Panza wit and humor
was composed in a prison. 1t is not,
therefore, surprising that there should be
instances of Jests made amid the horrors
of war. Sieges appear to have frequently
furnished material for witticisms, gen.
orally uttered by the besieged, who may
have resorted to jesting as a means of
keeping up their failing spirits; as the
late beIeaguered garrison at Mafeking
organized loan exhibitions and needle
work competitions. 1t must be con-
fessed that the jests uttered by the hold
ers of beleaguered fortress were often
more sarcastic than courteous, sometimes
even taking the form of actual insult to
their foes; as in the case when, in the
! eleventh century, the citizens OF Alencon,
besieged by William the Conqueror, hung
out raw hides over their walls with the
inscription, ''More work for the tanner
son''-in contemptuous allusion to the
parentage of Williams mother, AriOtta,
/ whose father was tanner.
In 1913, when Waller, the parliamentary
general, besieged Arundel Castle, the
Cavalier garrison not only responded to
! his summons of surrender by flat de-
| tiance, but, IN denial Of their alleged (and
actual, want OF provisions, hung out a
white flag at Christmas, and under
cover Of this parley called some of our
men, and gave them letters directed to
our general, in which they desired sack,
Tobacco =, cards and dice to be sent to
them, to make them merry at this idle
time, promising to return US for them
beef and mutt0n;'' a request Waller
characterized as Every bold and Insolent. -
The insinuatiOn that the pious parlia-
mentary army was so much better sup
piled with 'cards and dice than were
the additionally ''deboshed' Cavaliers
was doubtless sore offence to the staio
parliamentary general, more especially as
he adds, 1--WE know them (the garrison
to be in truth hunger bitten ana lacking
water. A yet more contemptu0us jes
was made by the famous Black
Agnes, Countess Of March, when de
tending the Castle Of Dunbar against the
English assailants in 1885 During the
| Siege the countess and her maids ire
| quently appeared upon the town walls
> armed with cloths, with which they os
= tentatlously wiped the spots where TIT
, huge stones cast by the enemy's machln
fell, as though the only injury thes
could do was to raise little dust Irri
tated by this contemptuOus treatment
D the Earl of Salisbury, then commanding
q the English forces, brought to the assault
a machine then known as a ''sow,
from the resemblance OF its shape to
= hog Dack-a strongly constructed tim
Der erection, which, being thrust clos
to the walls of a town or fortress, pro
tected a party of soldiers beneath it, VIII
D could then attack the wall with mininl
S tools.
+ Beware, MontaRow,
For farrOw shall they SOW
cried out the WISE old countess as tn
machine approached and at the sam
, moment a huge amount of rock wa
@ dropped from the wall upon the IN achin
!, / winch was almost crushed Dy It's weight
= behold the litter of English pigs =
cried the countess as the surviving sol
n diers fed from the ruins OF the machine
y The Earl of Salisbury could jest in hi
!, turn. Riding one day within sight c
the walls OF Dunbar in company wit
9 another knight, the latter was fatal
j struck by an arrow from the battlements
: "That is one of the countess's love tOk
~ ems, = remarked Salisbury as his cOmpan
|, ion fell, I'VE see that Black Agnes's Low
l. shafts pierce to the heart -
r A somewhat i'll natured Jest upon tn
:. timidy of her male companion was III
u tered by the Countess Won VOss to Gen
Q eral Won Kockritx as they followed tn
n king and queen of Prussia in their High
before Napoleon in 1907. The counties
and the general were delayed upon thei
journey by the bad weather, ana the LAT
% ter several times expressed his fears les
they should be oyertaken by the Frenc
> and be possibly massacred or at tn
% least they will only take two old wOme
j. prisoners - exclaimed the countess in
q patiently. Eloquent and impassiOneS
= addresses have been made to their men b
leaders of battles on sea and land, but Al
old admiral OF Nelson's time is said I
}, have uttered a brief but pithy 'horta
n tiOn," as Lord Bacon calls 1t, to his sail
Ors before the battle OF the Nile IN
lads,' he remarked pointing to tn
T shore, you see yonder the land OF Egpy
It Well if you don't fight like devils, you
soon find yourselves IN the house Of Dor
dage.i