Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1900-07-01
A Farce in One Act.
Dedicated. without PERMITS
sion, 70 The senators sud Representa-
tisss 81 Our Nsao.al Congress Who
Voted for the Annexation Of tho Inland
(, Of Puerto Rico sad then Formulated
and rsssed Tariff BIZ to Pa-alyro Her
Industries and Reduce Her Once Inde-
pendent Population to Hopeless. Help
less P.upors.

The following we take from the
June number OF Nowitzky's Monthly.
always clever and original, for Col
pnel Newitzky Yields caustic pen:
Mrs. Puerto Rican Union-"I ask
you on your word of honor, Jonathan,
IL you did not continually repeat words
which save ME every reason to believe
that if I would become one Of your
wives, you horrid, cruel man, that you
would give the same rights as the
other members Of your family?"
Mr.. Jonathan Union-"Every word
of that is true. my dear. but you
should realize that it is not my wish
for you to occupy u subordinate posi-
ton; IT Is the desire, in fact earnest
request, OF the other members of my
family. who evidently believe that
equal rights would deprive them of
some pin money"
Mrs. Puerto Rican Union-"But you
didn't say all that when you told me
that your arms of hospitality were
wide enough and open enough for a
dozen little mites like me, you big,
good-for- nothing old polygamist."
Mr.. j. Union-"Dont' fear nor scold.
my little darling. you will be taken
care Of. viii make you an allowance
sufficient to keep you in bread, and rs
to water you can have as much of
that as you desire. Besides l will give
you bright new calico gown every
year. and / Will make a back yard OF
the land we inherited from your peo-
pie and let you live IN it,
Mrs. Puerto Rico Union-"But 1 don't
want to live on charity. L am not used
to. charity. l have always had plenty.
Here's that fright of girl Hawaii.
whose ancestors were cannibals. You
have taken her to your bosom while /,
in whose veins run the proudest blood
OF old CASTLE, you want to make a
drudge and recipient or charity. I,sim-
ply wont stand 1t. Think of the many
promises you made me when you ask
ed me to become a member of your
family
Mr.. Jonathan Union-"I have not
forgotten my promises. my dear. but
cannot act upon them. You see every
thing is fair In love and war. and our
courtshlp was a combination of the
i am boss the better. or the next thing
you Will know you will find out by
feeling. for / will give you a genteel
thrashing that you will remember for
ever"
Mrs. Puerto Rico Union-"That's the
way with you, you horrid brute. You
take advantage OF me because am
small. How L would like to be as big
as you. 1t would be the pleasure of
my life TO give you the thrashing you
deserve. 1 don't blame Miss Philippine
for trying to scratch your eyes out, and
Miss Cuba for not wanting to have
anything to do with you. BY pictur-
ing what a good husband you would
make you got ME to cast my lot with
you and now that you have me- how
do you treat me? 1 thought 1 had a
hard time with my ep-father, Mr..
spain, but anyway he treated me as
II were somebody. have a great
mind to write and ask him to take me
back"
Mr.. Jonathan Union--"Mrs. Puerto
isico Union. l want you to understand
that have heard enough. AS to that
ytep-fat of yours. old Spain, IL he
interferes in any of my family affairs
III lick him again. For this reason. to
quote celebrated expression from a
French president of a court martial,
the incident Is closed"
1.-THE curtain descends amid a con-
fusion Of music, part of the orchestra
playing Yankee Doodle" the other
the Puerto Rico Dead March."]