The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1900-12-28
MR.. JoBsoN's BALD SPOT
Mrs. Jobson Catches Him In the Act of
Applying a Liquid to Encourage a
New Growth Of Hafr-Her Inquisi-

The increasing bald spot on the top
OF Mr.. Jobson's head has been worrying
him a great deal during the past six
months or SO. When he bought his
first bottle of hair restorer he used it
furtiveiy. but Mrs. Jobson came upon
him finally and caught him in the act
OF applying the queer-looking liquid to
the bald spot.
why. what in the world are you do
ing?" she asked him.
Does it look to you as if i am try
ing to cure chillblains?" growled Mr..
Jobson in reply, angry because she had
found him out.
Why" said Mrs. Jobson, seeing the
labed on the bottle standing on the
bureau. its hair restorer,"
VIVA did you thing it was-Johan-
nisherger of the vintage of '3S?" inquir-
ed Nj. Jobson, sarcastically, "or maybe
you thought it was a tawny old Ma
deira? Your penetration, Mrs. Jobson,
is occasionally So"
But" interrupted Mrs. Jobson,
aren't you afraid that the stuff will be
injurious? / w often heard that
those so-called hair restorers affect the
and
"Oh, you heard that, did you?" mum
bled Mr.. Johnson. well, why don't
you take time by the forelock and ring
up a Gordon or so of metropolitan po-
| lice? You might have me ~railroaded
to some asylum, you know, and then
you'd"
But don't you really think" cut in
Mrs. Jobson again, that if nature in
tends o to be a trife bald, any arti-
fetal mean that you may take to
II don't profess to be on such conf
Dental terms with nature as some folks
l know, madam broke in Mr.. Jobson,
grandlv. Mature intended a whole lot
of things that dent appear to come out
in the cards. Nature intended, for ex-
ample, hat inddisitiveneSS should be
abhorreht to the femme mind, and I
leave you to judge how nature has fall
en- d own in that respect. There's a
good deal of poppycock about this leav-
ing things to nature, at that. L think
1 nave observed you apply a certain
white powdery substance to your nose
with a piece of channels on different
occasions, haven't I? Well, if this ma
ture tina you appear to be such chums
with intended you to walk through the
world with a shiny nose, why do you
"Oh," said Mrs. Jobson, Il was only
thinking that 1 never heard of one OF
these hail reStorerS really causing the
lost hair to grow out again, and
"Did't, hey?" broke in Mr.. Jobson.
"Well, that's just one more of those
little things that you haven heard OF.
The man who recommended this hair
restorer to me was as bald as an
orange he told me, when he started in
to use the stuff, and now he looks
enough like Paderewski to be the piano
Jumpers win brother-so far as his
, name is concerned, 1 mean. I'll bet you
a nice, new thimble that inside of a
r.Ir ONT IF
that bald spot that'l keep the rest OF
the hair on my head adjusting to main
tain the same length. | don't
WAS the man who recommended 1t
to you the man who was selling it,
INQUIRED Mrs. Jobson.
That's neither here nor there re-
piled Mr.. Jobson, turning red. 1t
don't make any difference whether he
was selling zinc watches or turnlps-
he's got the hirsute abornment TO prove
his statements, and that's all that !
care to know. Fact is, though, he
showed me a picture of himself taken
before he began to use this hair restor-
er. and he had no more hair on his
head than a Mexican hairless dog. just
you hold yourself down for a week,
that's all, and I'll show you a head o
hair that you won't see anywhere else
except at a game of DOT ball"
Mr.. Jobson used the stuff religiously
for two or three weeks, at the end %
which period his bald spot was a trife
larger, If anything, and there WASH
even the sign of goSling pin feathers
to commend the lotion to his further
use of it. So he abandoned that par
ticular brand of hair reStorer and
brought home two bottles of another
kind. He didn't show these to Mrs
Jobson, nor, in factxs did he make any
further references on the subject of hair
restorer. He sent for pamphlets on
The Cause and u of Badness" and
devoured them eagerly, on the fol-
lowing day he would send for a couple
\ of trial bottles of the preparation for
the restoration of hirSute. manufacture
ed by the publisher of the pamphlet.
One night last week he brought home
a smiling countenance and two bottles
of a pale pink fluid.
well I've got the real thing at last
he said to Mrs. Jobson. It's recon-
, mended by about sc, 900 formerly bald
men throughout this country and Can
i ada, and the testimonials are the most
convincing literature I ever read In
my life"
Mrs. Jobson made no reply. but she
couldn't help regarding Mr.. Jobsor
with a cOmmiSerating glance, which he
caught and resented.
"Oh, you can grin all you're in e
mind to-" he said. IF YOU think there
are so, 900 formerly bald people in this
| .country who are deliberately writing
/ themselves uOWH lldTS OfSI lUtlI o"i
signatures, than I'd hate to have YOU
opinion of human nature, that's ALL"
When Mr.. JObSon was ready for bee
that night he uncorked one of the bot
ties and rubbed the stuff we'll into hi:
bald spot for about fifteen minutes
Then he :turned out the gas and wen
to bed. Mrs. Jobson shook him awake
with a cry of dismay along toward
o'clock on the following morning. She
was pointing with a Mortified expression
to the top Of his head.
What the dickens is the natter
asked Mr.. Jobson, feeling of his bald
spot.
Look at the color of it," gasped Mrs
Jobson.
Mr.. Jobson hoped out of bed ant
raced over to the bureau looking glass
where he saw that his bald spot wa!
OF a rich ,russet brown in color, as If i
had been heavily painted with iodine
He growled something n rushed t.
the washstand and applied suds to tn
bald spot, but not a particle Of the col
or came off. The application of soar
and water, in fact. rather ~iptensihet
the color.