New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1900-03-25
Inc secretario had evidently been instructed to
leave out none of Don Bilkinson's titles of honor

The secretario had evidently been instructed to
leave out none of Don Biknson's titles of honor
Contributor have sent several Jokes To vour
paper none were printed and never got anv
Editor-That's all right. / considered the stanp
part payment for the trouble l had in reading the
remit the balance any time you have the money TO
spare-(Boston Transcript.
"A pretty we'll known Philadelphtan. saws ..1,ba
Philadelphia Record who is now at Atlantic
CITY likewise strives to attract the eye there by
appearing In the hotels and cafes and on the
Boardwalk every night with gold chain around
his neck TO which two big gray rats are attached
The rats. plain ordinary rodents. but tanned wear
gold collars. and the young mans gold chain is
fastened TO these. Up and down his back and
waistcOat the rats patter. but usually they are
seated on his shoulder. whispering In his ear
Sometimes he fondles them or gives them bits of
cheese and cracker. They seem to be quite clean
out peculiar smell. somewhat like musk irritates
the nostrils If one too near the young mans
pets"
are You not ashamed to make your living playing
poker?
Huh! you and are very much alike" replied
tne unregenerate man When We hold a good
a raise with it"-tTroy Times
Lieutenant Lang, Maine boy in the Philippines
thus writes home: Civil government is being
established by the peaceful natives everywhere
under the protection of troops. and the country
Is becoming prosperous than IL
Spanish rule fail to see how the Philippines can
be considered other than a most valuable acouisi-
ton to the United States. both commercially and
otherwise The weather is most beautiful now
every day being clear and bright, with the Their
mometer standing between 60 and 10 degrees and
rather cool nights This continues eight months
out of the year. with the other four rainy The un-
healthness OF the climate is greatly exaggerated.
although, of course. II is tropical. which affects
some white people to a more or less extent"
One or the Other.-'Doctor what ails my
Before l answer that question, let me ask il
appointment of any kind?'
Il know she has not
Then. madam your daughter has the grim
Chicago Tribune.
teacher, Ito give Bill about six dollars worth o.
schoolin'-pervided you'll take 1t out In trade
Fer instance, I'll start him three bushels O.
corn; then, when that's out, I'll keep him a-movin
on a couple O. smokehouse hams; I'll give Won a
young heifer ter larn him writin'. an home
raised COW ter beat fggers in his head
DO you want him 10 learn any of the higher
branches?'
Well. after he climbs a Ieetle you might throw
In bout bushel or two O. them. eff you think fit
or say bout a quarter o beef's worth"
Little Teasers-Here is little exercise in pune
tuation that a normal school young woman re-
Gently b 659Gg nn ho ns to puzzle her father
Looks little confused, doesn't IT?
:. A few quotation marks and commas will fix
IL all right. For instance:
II is not and, said. but or
Here Is a sttll simpler catch that may bother
you some me
Not much in it. perhaps, but enough to MAKE II,
troublesome. -
Too hard?
And yet it's Nothing after all"-(Cleveland Plain
Dealer. '''''
Samuel Clough, who edited The New-Ensland
Almanac at the very beginning of the last century
was good example of prophet who intends to
make mistakes.
Perhaps, says he. predicting the weather from
January Is to the 23d 1902. 1T will be very cold
weather. II II frese by the reside or on the SUNNY
side of fence noon"
In April he hazards Perhaps wet weather ~
1t rains. Now fair weather. II the sun shines
Windy calm"
AID In July he ventures small advertisement
for the town OF his residence:
III now the weather do prove fair
People To Cambridge do repair"
ii give the Beers credit for one thing rs-
married the engineer OF the armored train as sew
eral more shells banged against the armor "rrheir
snnners would make ideal suburban citizens
How's that?' inquired the fireman
Why, they never miss traini" retor,ed ,ha an
sineer. as the baggage car left the trackNlPuck