The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-09-19

ence with the cold announcement:
The speaker has made two mistakes.
| To begin with, I'm not the Rev. Mr..
Moody at all. I'm plain Dwight l.. Moo
dy, Sunday school worker. And then
I'm not your American cousin: by the
grace Of God I'm your brother. interest
Ell with you in our Fathers work for
His children.
And now about this vote OF thanks to
the noble earl for being our chairman
this evening | don't see why we should
thank him any more than he should
thank us. When at one time they offered
10 thank our Mr.. Lincoln for presiding
He said he'd tried to do his duty, and
they'd tried to do theirs. He thought it
was about an even thing all around.
That opening fairly took the breath
away from Mr. MoOdy's hearers. Such Il
talk could not be gagged by any known
standard. Mr.. Moody carried his English
audiences with him from that beginning
to his latest labors.
Judge Ed Jared in his recent expert
ence as census enumeration in Muir
freesboro had to get Il 'cullud lady'S"
census, and the following dialogue was
called off:
How old are you, Mary?"
ooh. Lordy, mister, / dunno.
NO. sab | was bawn in Salem
Where was your father born*'
He Dawn dar. too
''Where was your mother born?''
She hawn in Eagleville.''
Can you read"'
Yes, sab.
''Write?''
Yes, sah''
Speak English?'
No. sab. '-MurfreesbOro NEWSSTAND
ner.
Among the Montana jOcosities with
which ROllin Lynde Hartt is RECALLING.
perhaps horrifying. a large tenderfoot
constituency eff readers in the East is the
following tale, told in the Boston Tran
script, of a neWly-arrived Apostle TO the
broncO-busters" who sought the loan Of Il
horse:
What for?' inquired the man with
the sombrero, pistols and fringed leather
chaps
ITO spread the gospel answered the
parsOn.
ing little animal with hangdog, shop
worn air about him, babe the young
clergyman make such use OF him as his
own comfort and the spread of the Cos
pei might require. But scarcely had the
missionary got we'll astride when the
pony lowered his head. arched his neck.
tWitched his tail, and began n series of
mad Understanding from the ground
like a iackrabbit, landing with feet
punched and with the force Of Il pile
driver. and incidentally rocking end-for-
end like Gloucester fishing schooner
''slung up by the nose on Georges The
air was suddenly filled with Testaments,
tracts and gospel hymns. and a cloud Of
alkali dust, some forty feet away, showed
where the preacher lay sprawling. Then
! followed passage Of clerical vituDera-
| ton which struck terror to the heart OF
man and beast.
We'll said the ranchman by way of
! apology. You wanted the cayuse to
! spread the gospel. I gave yon the best
III for the purpose. Amt he done it?'
The story Of the Easthampton J-year-
old boy who applied for Il marriage H.
cense recalls a somewhat similar Incl
dent that happened in Buffalo not hun.
dred years ago. The young Augustus
| (also aged y came to his mother one
day with Il brick in his hand, saying:
Mamma, am going to build house
| in the backyard for little Elizabeth and
me. We're goin; to be married and
Bridget says she will cook for us [ told
Elizabeth she ought to furnish the nurse.
| Don't you think so, mamma?'
| The Oysters September Joke Book: A
Ready Guide for the Assistance of BIZ
valvular Humorists:
r there, my OYSTER
The Oyster is now an Rticle Of diet
Oh Oyste
Remembe r.
! Septembe
The most cultivated Oyster finds nothing
| pleasing in the Rs Poetica
! i ends the OYSTER
The Oyster despises the culinary Rt
The Oyster would like to be an Rtful
| DOdger.
ITO Rms. to Rms; the foe, they come
/ The Oysterd cry were he not dumb
Rdent love is not the Oysters kind
Did Noah have Oysters in the Rk?
The half-grown Oyster stands a fair
chance of Rested development these DAYS.
The Oyster knows there r jokes and
| jokes.
Rticulo mOrtis about now.
September is the Rchimedean lever that
moves the Oyster world
The Oyster has left the Rmy of the I'M
employed.
Jokes on the Oyster never become
Rchaic
no The s,t Enh ZAP Oyster looks upon septem-
OYSTERS conjugate the verb to be lin the
soup as follows:
WeR
You r.
They X.
The Oyster fills all the Rteres of the
! sbellfsh trade at present.
Now is the time when the Oyster expects
his obituRy
w. J. L. in New York Sun
A Glasgow paper reports that ''in q
/ country church one Sunday afternoon
the service was practically stopped for q
short time owing to the noise caused By
a couple of dogs outside which started
worrying each other" A correspondent
who sent the cutting to the Westminster
Budget, tells another Scotch story Il
was once usual for Highland shepherds
to take their dogs to church and leave
them outside the pews. Two sheperd;
at enmity sat on opposite sides of tn,
aisle one Sunday Soon after the sermon
began the dogs-one a collie and the 9th
err not-seemed to enter into their mas
ters' quarrel. One tender of the fiocl
J and then the other egged Oh his animal