Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1900-09-28

ceed in anything.
Jinks-There's one good thing about
spoiled children. Binks-What's that1
Jinks-One never has them in ones
own house.
Il don't see what you like about this
fiat, Clara" "Well, Clarence, 1t is the
only one we've looked at that fits our
Navajo rug. Chicago Record.
A false front: "Pa, our new dog is
awful d'ceitful." How, Tommyr
why, when he 5arks at people he
wags his tail"-Chicago Record.
Teacher (suspiciously)-W wrote
your composition, johnny? Johnny
My father Teacher-Whaty all of it2
Johnny-No'm; helped hm.-Truth.
Fair Painter-I hope you don't mind
my sketching in your field? Farmer
Lord, no, missile! You keep the birds
off the peas better'n a ordinary scare
crow.
"Sure, Pat, and why are We wearin'
yer coat buttoned up loike that on a
warm day loike this?" Faith, yer riv-
erence to hode the shirt OF haven't got
on."--Punch.
Now, honestly, Maud, didn't Jack
propose last evening" "Why, y-e-e-s!
But how did you guess?" 81 noticed
that you didn't have that worried look
this morning."
Real Cruelty: ooh, mummy do come
and speak to Johnny; he's tweading on
all the worms in the garden" How
unkind" "Yes, and he won't let me-
twead on any."-The King.
Visitor-What was the matter with
the man they just brought in? Doctor
Stuck his head through pane of glass.
Visitor-How did he look Doctor-HIs
face wore an injured expression.
Curious Villager-Ay, Sandy, an ye
wis wounded at Magersfonteln? Whit
wis ye struck wi? Sandy (tlred of an
swering questlons)-I was struck wi
wonder when l kent l wisna killed
Evidence: Friend suppose the
baby is fond of you? Papa-Fond of
me? Why, he sleeps all day when I'm
not at home, and stays up all night Just
to enjoy my society!-Brooklyn Life.
Magistrate-Do you mean to say such
a physical wreck as he is gave you
that black eye? Complaining Wife
Shure, yer worship, he wasn't physi-
cal wreck till he gave me th' black
eye.
Papa" said Willie, "why did you
buy golf coatY' "To play golf in, my
son." said Mr.. Willis. "Did you need
it?' "Of course did" "Then / need
a topcoat to play tops in. seen 'em
advertised"
Teacher (endeavoring to explain the
meaning of the word "harness'') ')-What
does your father put on the horse?
Small Boy (his face brightening)-
Please, sir, e puts on all e can If e
thinks it'll win.
At the Summer Hotel: "Who Is that
good-looking young waiter who is toss
Ing the plates across the room? Is he
student too" Yes. He holds the
record in Harvale for discus throwing"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A Natural Reaction: Hi Tragedy
| understand the audience last night
was very cold? Lowe Comerdy-They
were at first, but when they began to
recollect that they had paid good money
to see the show they got hot.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Earmarks of Literary Ability: "Did
that critic write any favorable COM
ment on your novel, BelindaY Oh, yes:
he said my father had once met the
Prince of Wales and that we had al
ways moved in the best society."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
A Feminine Butter: "And now, chill
dren," said the teacher who had been -
talking about military Notifications,
"can any of you tell me what is but
tress" "Please, ma'am," cried little
Willie, swapping his fingers, "lt's a
nanny-goatv- v-Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Brown-I must be going back to
the city at once; I've had three letters
from my husband In two days. Mrs.
Gray-Why, you poor dear! know
just how you feel; two would be suspi-
clously attentive-but three! 1 really
am afraid he has been doing something
very reprehensible.-Brooklyn Life.
The following birth notice recently
appeared In the columns of a Kansas
paper: Born, to the wife Of Jim Jones.
a boy. The boy favors his old dad I'm
several ways, viz: He is bald, has a
red nose, takes to bottle like a bum
blebee to lump of sugar, and makes a
lot Of noise about nothing. Selahv'-
Exchange.
The vlrtuous Clerk: "sign your name
here" said the chief consprator, "and
the money will be paid you at once.'
Sooner than let my good right hand
sign that iniquitous document" said
the VirtuouS QOvprnmpnt oIarl, uf