El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-01
FLINTLOCK HOLMES
A Clever Satire on Conan Doyle's
Great Detective.

L will never forget the hrSt day L came
In contact with Flintlock Holmes. The
meeting made great impression on me.
can feel it yet. We were going in oppo-
site directions and collided at the corner
of Fleet street and F'lodendoden lane.
Holmes apologiZed prOfusely.
Are you looking for trOuble?' said he.
NO" 1 replied, rubbing my injured
leg. Il am looking for rooms"
Good said he. $50 am l. My name
is F'lintlock Holmes. Let's go together;
it's safer that way The sidewalks are
slippery"
1 could not but note my new compan-
ions unusual appearance. His hawklike
eyes, his high forehead, his prominent
cheek bones-all impressed me as being
those of a man. Later events proved
that I was not mistaken. Holmes kept
his seat in the underground and let 4
woman stand. On the way, l recollect,
he told me about the Baker street rooms,
how cozy they were and how cheap.
When we got to the house he had men
toned, Holmes, without warning, gave
me n kick which propelled my body to
the top of the steps.
"Sorry to knock you up, Watson he
remarked affab bly,, but these fits of en-
ergy will come over me at times. L en-
deavOr to stop them, but can't"
His calling me by name stifed what
ever surprise l may have felt at his pc
culiar manner.
How on earth did you come to know
my name?" l asked in establishment.
ITS simplicity ITSELF he said laugh
ingly. Il saw the name Watson on your
shoe straps when you stopped to turn up
your trousers"
True said 1, 1.-The name is there, but
how could you tell it was not the name of
the makerT'
mine to be exact. / therefore carry IN
my mind the name of every shoe dealer,
butcher. baker and so forth in London.
There is no shoe dealer named Watson.
The shoes are new Hence you did not
buy them elsewhere. Eliminate the inn
possible and that which remains must be
the truth. You wrote the name on the
shoes yourself fearful lest you might
leave them somewhere without marks of
Identification upon them. There is no
about it
Holmes 1 said. you're a wonder"
you have guessed my occupation he
remarked good hUmorcdly. Il am n spe-
cialist in other peoples business. When
the police fail. people resort to me. When
fail. it is all up. Did you ring the door
bell. Watson?'
'No''
~ thought as much. deduced it,
NO one has come to the door, he said.
1T is simplicity ITSELF
Holmes stepped forward and gave the
bell handle 4 vigorous pull. In 4 few
minutes maid uShered us into the entry.
I'VE have come to look at the rooms"
Holmes said, and we assembled the stairs.
Did you count the number of steps
the way up, Watson?" my friend asked.
NO" l replied in astonishment. Did
you?'
''Of course" he said. Il always do.
believe in details. The number of steps
in a flight may be a little matter in itself.
but stairs, small they are, invariably
lead to higher things"
BY this time we were in the rooms.
They were indeed cozy and com forta BILE.
The golden shafts of the late winter
sun streaming through the west windows
mellowed the already half ripe furniture
could see by the way Holmes shot his
eyes about that he was 4 reckless man,
but allowed no comment to escape my
lips. Holmes actions surprised me too
much for that. Whipping out a ma gnify-
ing lens, he stretched himself out full
length on the floor. In an instant he was
up.
Did you see it, Watson?" he yelled
did you see it?'
'What?' / cried.
THE dust. The room has not been
swept in two weeks" he said to the ter
'ified maid. Il can see traces of dust |
| look with the aid of this |
glass" !
L was about to marvel at his miracu-
Gus deduction when the maid spoke:
Il could tell that without Il magnify
ng glass" she said. Look at your
Holmes and did so simultaneously.
The maid was right The fronts of both
egs were covered with dust where
Holmes had come in contact with the
arpet. He glanced ruefully at his pants. |
You are a remarkable girl he said to
he maid. Your powers of observation
re excellent. Still it matters little. |
What is it Longfellow says-'Dust thou /
Irt, to dust returneth?' He is so ex- !
on to study him.
81 WILL said 1. But about the rooms?
Will they suit, do you thnk?'
"Excellently for me-" said Holmes; !
but l was thinking of you. Will they
armonize with your Indian tastes?"
"This is too much, Holiness l cried.
How do you know that L have been in
ndia?"
Its simplicity ITSELF he replied, with )
laugh. You tried to work off a rupee
N the guard in the underground. Be
ides, in the inner sole of your right shoe
here is a reddish clay which is peculiar
o India. l have made a study of mud,
nd l know"
Right both times" l managed to
TANNER; Tin fact, when you explain
our deductions they seem absurdly sim
lie. / can't understand it. You sec so
nuch."
Not more than other people, l fancy"
aid Holmes. You see as much, but
ou do not observe. For instance, how
many buttons are there on your coat?"
81 haven't the slightest notion