Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-03-30
TEN THOUSAND wEDDINGs
iniscences Of an Old English
Parish Clerk.

Inc eternal theme OF AmanOuS he
Amanda She" is subject to many. and
often fantastic, variations, but per-
haps the newest is to be found in the
recollection of q parish clerk, who has
assisted at no less than 10, 400 mar
riages." The chronicler has wisely pre-
ferred to remain anonymous, for, look
you, mesdames and mademoise1les, what
ought fate to have in store for a man
who not only confesses to have given
away 1,1So brides, but proceeds to re-
peat the process, with, it must be adj
mitted, the bridegrooms as well, in
'Cupid's Pupils?''
Truly, do not think that the author
would find women altogether as Shake
speare describes them, soft, mild,
pitiful and flexible" if some of the
brides in question knew that he had
thus ruthlessly torn away the veil and
laid bare their tender secrets to the
gaze of an amused public. Ones belief
in the shrinking maidenly modesty in
separable from the ideal bride is some
what shaken to find that in some cases
the banns were put up by the lady I'M
known to the happy man, and that out
of 100 consecutive entries in the banns
book % couples attended together, II
were given by the men, and no less than
IS by the eXpectant bridesi
The ladies were evidently self-pos-
sessed and businessEke, for the Par
ish Clerk" makes no mention of their
introduction of themselves, but the
men-clumsy and awkward as ever
seemed one and all to indulge in at
tempts at humor to conceal their nerv-
business For example:
Come to commit suicide mean put
up the banns.
Want to enter our names for hang
ing match, and we want to be prayed
for.
There also seems to be a considerable
amount of trouble in getting accurate
information from both brides and
bridegrooms regarding names and
ages. In one amusing instance n young
lady was unable to spell her lovers
name, and the family gravestone had
to supply the information. That the
gent1er sex is always in a hurry to
change names is an accepted tenet of
the male creed but possibly few meet
with so blunt rebuff as the young
lady who, on being asked her name
when the couple called about the
banns, gave the surname she was SX-
pecting to bear. The young gentleman
instantly turned toward her and said,
correctively: 'You ain't-yet," COW
ering the girl with bushes and con-
fusion.
Many, eccentric characters, of course,
figure among ''Cupid's Pupils one of
the oldest perhaps being widow who
had only buried her husband four
months previously, and upon giving
notice for her second marriage wished
that her poor husband" could know
of her intention to take another. "he
would be so pleased" Another indi-
vidual, perhaps not altogether singu-
lar in this respect, suggested that ''k'
should be substituted for t'v'' in GER
tain portion of the marriage service,
which would then have read that the
couple should live together as long as
they both should like.
Bridesmaids, too, do not seem to be
always the quiet, unobtrusive assistants
one would expect; and instances are
here recorded of some who have taken
upon themselves to rearrange the we'd
ding group at the communion rails, or
keep the ring out of sight, while others
have thought it their duty to give the
bride away, or even dress exactly like
her, with veil and orange blossoms, SO
that the embarrassed bridegroom
scarcely knew which to marry.
Among some of the more curious
weddings at which the author gave the
bride away were those contained in
the following extract:
Two spinsters, one aged %, to two
men in n dying condition.
A spinster pauper from 4 workhouse
to a wandering tramp.
A widow to a gypsy.
A spinstcr of % to a jet-black negro
and within the space of IL months
one young lady to two husbands.
Men seem to come out very badly at
weddings. their courage oozing out at
their finger ends, when it comes to
taking the bride officially by her hand,
some indeed SO that they have scarcely
been able to articulatei
"A few of them" says the clerk,
have been as ridicu1ously ready to do
the brides part as nervOus1y as they
performed their own, calling them
selves Sarah Jane, or any name men
toned by the clergyman. In another
case the bridegroom allowed an ON
nous pause to follow the introduction,
4, Thomas but the bride was in no
mood to tolerate unnecessary pauses,
and instantly instructed him to pro-
coed. Her spirited command was Take
thee, Elizabeth-go on!' And Thomas
took her.
Joseph's intellectual capacity was
limited, and he spoke thus: 81. JOS
eph, take thee, Jane, to my wedding
wife, to have and to CO." while another
had special intentions respecting his
brides future: az, William. take thee,