The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1900-01-19
WhH NeralA aua Melr8
PARKWAY MOSES.
HE WRITES OF THINGS OF GENERAL
INTEREST TO THE PEilPLE AND
RELATES EXPERIENCES IN
HIS OWN CAREER
(From Pennsylvania Grit

(From Pennsylvania Grit.)
am going to writo a lottor whilo
Pm better, from tho polished baldl-
tudo of my thought crib clear down
to my fragrant No. Vs-bettor as OK
gall soup stirred up with tho tail ond
Of lawsuit over tho ownership of an
old country homestead with On ancos-
tral graveyard on tho northeast cor
nor and n mortgage duly recorded at
tho county scat.
am bettor because | am slowly
but surely dying of disease which
evory quack doctor in the land prom
ises to cure permanently, if my mo-
ney holds out, and which tho regu-
lar practitioner promises to euro if
my system holds out long enough
for mo to die of old age.
But they all want to be paid in
advance. They arc willing to risk
their medicine, but not willing to
take any risk on me. might be
mean enough and contrary enough
to lay down and dio after swallowing
several barrels of their miserable
and six or ten bushels Of pills,
besides making regular daily aver
age Of their sarsaparilla, and expcc-
torant, and balsam, and bitters, and
elixors, and cattle powder, and tapo-
worm-tea. They know their modi-
cine will cure, but these are not cor
tain whether thoy could mako enough
of it to do tho job in ono season, SO
they want to bo paid in advance in
order to have mo measure tho doses
according &C. the amount Of cash ]
can raise, aud not become 50 wastcful
as to take bath in their Golden
Grave Snatchor and shoot thor Mir
aclo pills at rabbits, so to speak.
Every paper | pick up that has
got Il circulation outside of print
ing Office is filled with tho assurance
of tho sympathetic patent medicine
man that | am standing with one
foot in the grave and tho other in I,
mortgage and big doctors bill, and
he alone can snatch mo from the
jaws of death with his patont snatch
or, at 81 q snatch, or words to that
effect.
Now, somo Of these groat medi
cine men havo wheodlod Il fortune
out Of their dying brethren, and arc
worthy Of our respect, so far rs mo-
ney goes; and the balance show very
good symptoms of becoming wealthy
if the price of drugs keeps up, and il
is very hard to distinguish between
the honest doctor and tho quack.
have often remained in doubt as tc
which was the honest doctor, ovor
after taking liboral supply from
tho one who had tho picture Of ,
million dollar palace on the wrapper
and also from tho man who employed
several bare footed nlggers to gather
roots and herbs and barks, ant
taught them how to road tho Bible
in exchange for their labor.
1 have always boon taught tha
this is the land OF tho Freak and tn,
home Of tho Knave, but 80 far
haven't boon able to distinguish be
tween the two aftor they tako up tn
practice of medicine, no odds wha
sort of label thoy put on the bottle
I once asked the regular practi
toner who furnished our family wit
pills and plasters and poison an
pimple lotions why tho regular
didn't try to stop the irregulars fror
advertising their nostrums and dc
ceiving the people, but he laughingl
remarked:
"Oh, they don't hurt our trade 1
all--they nevor cure anybody"
"Well," I said, sort of in a deeI
green musing way, "if they neve
cure anybody, why is it the poopl
are not sharp enough to distinguis
the quacks from the doctors sho d
cure somebodyW
"Oh," he said with Latin gri
on the German side of his smoot
Yankee face, "they haven't run aorol
the doctor yet who is really able
cure anybody"
"But some people get we'll Of tho
1iaeaaaaO ~ amid