Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1900-08-09
Wanted No More Science
Tnex would Rather Turn Honest Than On
through such an Experience Again.
SNS7lS AZ N 77S7E SzIS7yE7

MY RESPECTABLE friend. Mr.
Ul Simbell, who had left the skilled
profession of HOUSEKEEPING for the
more humdrum but safer occnna tim
OF coal dealer, is man with consid-
cradle sense of hLmor.
I can tell you story about me
and Andy and Patsy Darlington that
isn't bad, fun he said to me one 6ay.
1T was like this. Andy and me
often met at the Angel, in .Brixton,
and one day we were together and
pretty hard up. Well, in comes Patsy
fellow never cared much for, all
though he and. Andy chummed to-
gether. We saw he'd, something on his
mind, and L thought he wanted me
gone, but Andy would make me stop
for it. Patsy had been down near
Leatherhead, to see some friends, and
he thought he'd spotted good thing.
Ever heard of Sir Miles Harold,
sir? 0, you have. Well, then, you
know that he was nearly millionaire,
II not quite. His father was big con-
tractor, but Miles was one of them
scientific gents, always bothering
with chemicals and things of that sort
Patsy came down with the news
that it was a pace worth cracking.
Sir Miles had got some splendid gold
and silver plate, and, as the house
wasn't we'll guarded, it was am easy
Job. nn.~ sa4 rg...s.a 81 I. :,
"'You crack it, then, Patsy ses I.
I'm bit superstitious about scientific
gents
Its as easy as winkin',' he ses.
The old fool thinks nothing but about
his playthings.'
Andy looked at me and winked,
and then tod Patsy to dry up while
him and. me talked it over At lastwe
decided that Andy should go down and
have look at the job hisself, and if it
was all right we should go in partner
ship over it. .sa & @ "a
He went the next day. He was
there day or two and came back
quite enthusiastic, and we set to work
at once.
I'VE hired a greengrocer'sc cart, with
drove down to Leatherhead, and Andy
and me went by train. Patsy was to
look after the cart while Andy and me
got the swag, but the programme had
to be altered. The mornin we. set out
I slipped on the wet pavement, and
came down on my arm. 1t wasn't
broken, but it was badly bruised and
my wrist was sprainsd> and T had to
be odd man out stead of Patsy.
I drew up outside the house as near
to the grounds as I could get, and my
chums went on 1t was a ca pital nj CHIT, ;
no moon, but starlight s14, e.
PATSY had marked a swing window
to the larder, and> being a slim chap,
he wriggled through and went round
to the dining-room window and let
Andy in. -..e..
"The best of the plate was kept in
cabinet in the dining-room- It only
took Patsy "a minute Or two to pick
the lock, and Andy sucked, in his
breath at the sight inside. They were
busy storing it in the bag, when sud
denly the room blazed with light
electric light, of course-and a quiet
voice said: please put your hands
above your heads, or must shoot
1T was such a knockdown surprise
that their hands went up almost by
themselves, and they screwed round
their heads to see Sir Miles-a pale,
dreamy-loolSing gent. with big fore
Understanding in a doorway with
revolver covering them.
Don't give me the trouble to shoot,
gentlemen; it would make such a
nasty mess on the carpet ses he. Car
ruthers, bring me some cord
"A big young fellow stepped for
ward with a Laugh and began fas'ten-
ing their hands and. elbows together,
after which he hobbled their feet.
when they were trussed up. Sir
Miles commanded them to follow him,
and they shufled along, with the
young chap behind. He led them into
the workshop and made them sit
down.
every interesting capture, Caruth-
ers,' said Sir Miles. 'Burglars?'
Yes, SIR ses Carruthers.
You are not very intelligent mem
bers of your profession,' he ses to
Andy and Pat, 'or you would not have
come here. Carruthers oblige me- by
going outside and coming in, by the
window as these gentlemen did. I
want to show them how stupid they
were
eyes, SIR he ses, and he went out,
and presently bell close to them be-
gan ringing softly. He is getting
through the window now ses Sir
Miles. And this belt pointing to an
other rang when you opened the
cabinet. You were exceedingly fool
ish.'
"''If you'll Let us go, SIR ses Andy,
speaking his politest, well never be
foolish no more. You're too clever a
gent for US, sir 81
"'Carrut hers he ses when his man
came in a gain, this foolish person sug-
gests that I should let them go. He
does not know how we'll timed this
visit is. A capital opportunity for
trying my new battery, Carruthers.'
"Carruthers screwed up his face