River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1900-09-27
The COffin-Maker Of Lima
ElDowS with the Gutierrez, Dios
A True Story Showing There Is Romance
Even in Undertaking.


hDOWN with the Gutierrez! dos
" Libertad! Down with the
Gutierrez rascals! Viva Fulano y
Tall"
Thus roared the mob-at least the
larger half of it-from one side the
Plaza Mayor. From the other came
the answering yell:
Down with Fulanc y Tai! For God
and Libertyi Vivian los Gutierrez"
Then they fell upon one another.
They fired leaden pellets int each
others hides-for the love of liberty.
They jabbed bayonets in to each others
bodies-for the love of God. AND with
musket-butts they dashed out each
others foolish brains-for the love of
Gutierrez. Fulano Tai And present
" there were more of the Fulano Tai
men than there were of the faction of
Gutierrez, and these, being of sudden
convinced that God was on the side
of the larger mob, determined to look
out for their own liberty. So they in
continently took to their heels.
Then there was a great shout. The
remaining moiety of the mob hurled
their greasy caps into the air. The
"Generalissimo of the Patriotic
Forces" as he called himself, Don
Fulano y Tai, tossed into the air his
plumed shake. The mob roared APP
proval. The Generalissimo Fulano y
Tai then seized his greasiest private,
fell upon his neck, called him brother
in-arms." and kissed him. The mob
melted into tears. Each man seized his
neighbor and imprinted malodorous
kisses upon his nps When they had
recovered breath-soIne little time aft
er-they roared again:
'Dos Libertad! Long live Fulano
Tai, the savior ii his country
The generalissimo raised his glitter
ing sword Now. my brothers." said
he, there is still work to do. We
must storm the governmental pal
ace"
"Aye!"
eve must hang Gutierrez"
"Aye!"
And we must seize the mint"
Like a mighty wave the mob swept
out of the Plaza Mayor, carrying their
leaGer before them like a cork.
In a little while the public buildings
were in their hands. In a little while
longer Gutierrez was killed, his body
- carefully mangled, and then drawn by
a rope to the top of the highest
steeple of the grand cathedral. Then
the bells rang forth a paeon, the
priests chanted Te Deum. For was
not the country free? And was not
Fulano y Tai proclaimed president
OF surety, yes.
And then the shop-beepers took their
shutters down.
All, bah! Commerce is not patriotic.
On the Plaza Mayor the next morn
ing there were many bodies. They had
been patriots doubtless, but they had
got on the wrong side. Therefore they
were carrion, and TO be cordially de-
spised of all good Fulano men.
But they looked unpleasant Thefr
glazed eyes stared a you with a dis
agreeable fixity. The lips of their gap
ing wounds had dumb eloquence
which worked upon the feelings The
mob had gathered to despoil them; it
ended by plying them.
''Ah, Dios!" said woman, "why not
bury them. too, as well as our own of
last night?"
True, true" said the mob, IAN ex-
cellent idea. We win bury them"
Herr Won Grelk uttered his first word
since the revolution began: aye, aye,
neighbors." said he, "'tis the Christian
thing to do. Por ell amor de Dios. let
us bury them!"
Herr ven Grelk was coffin-maker.
1t is needless to say that he was a
German. He was an undertaken, and a
thriving one. And he had many coffins
always ready. For in the Pleasant
Spanish-American countries to the
south of us there is often need of cof-
fins. And of many collins. And of cof-
fins about the fit of which there is lit
tie heed. For, look you, there are
many things which cause sudden
death. Earthquakes sun-strokes.
highwaymen. And once in awhile a
patriot liberates the country. And
then there is need of many collins.
So Herr Won Grelk advocated the
burying of the unpleasant corpses.
The mob approved of Herr Won Grelk,
and called him brother" And Herr
Won Grelk WINGED, but said nothing.
For they were good customers. So the
mob carried out collins. And il carried
out more collins. And when a patriot
could not be squeezed into his coffin,
they would come and get longer one.
And in a short time Herr Won Greik had
no more collins.
Then he spoke. 'My brothers." said
he, 1--WE have done Christian thing
True" assented the mob.
I'VE have decently inferred our enc
my. Now, who is to pay?"
"Pay!" The mob was amused
mobs have keen sense of humor.
"Pay! Que hombre! Is not Herr Won
Grelk a patriot?''
Herr Won Grelk admitted that he
was.
Did Herr Won Grelk wish to occupy
one of his own coffins?"
Herr Won Grelk could think of moth
ing more unnecessary 10 his happiness.
The mob was grimly humorous: If
the Senior Won Grelk should change his
mind at any time, they would be hap
py-"
otAlut Won bINlh NEVER NuduRtO his
mind. He had but TESTED when he
spoke of pay.
In that case they would kiss the
hands of the senor-nay, more: "a los
pies de usted senior"
The mob retired, shouting with
laughter. And Herr Won Grelk put up
his shutters.
For many weary months did the cof-
fin-maker prefer his claims against the
government. And the longer he waited
the 9arger they grew. And finally the
bill for the cotSNs was some fifty thou
sand dollars But there were other
claims, and more pressing ones, and
when the hapless Won Grelk succeeded
in getting hearing, he was always lis
tened TO grave.y until he reached the
description of the lost articles.
"Que! Cajas mortuorias! Coffins'"
and from ministers to legislators he
would be received with roar.
But all things have an end. 4: last
Herr Won Grelk succeeded in getting
an award from the government for his
losses. After weary waiting he was
70 be rewarded. His claims had been
passed upon and the next day he was to
finger the money. Lucky Ven Grelk!
But who can tell what a day may
L j