The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-04-22
HoMEsPUN YARNS.

It happened at the z. c. NJ. I. It was
duriLs -ile visit OF the Patti TroubabOurS,
in this city. A stylish lady of color enter
ed the store with the department of a
duchess, and in response to the inquiry
of the hoorwalker, stated in sibilant tones
that she required some hosiery. What
kind can L show you2' inquired the
courteous young man with the incipient
mouStache behind the counter
1 would like to see some iesh-colOred
stockings came the bashful response.
Then the soulleSS youth. who was new to
the situation, reached under the counter
and produced 4 box of fiesh-colored hose
IN the form OF cute assortment of black
trotter covering. One whitening glance she
gave and then gathering up her skirts
with an indignant sweep of the hand she
founced out of the store.
For the space OF terrible twenty-four
hours that young mans job hung in the
balance.
There is another clerk in the same
establishment who has the reputation of
a lady killer. y few days ago d stern
mother of the sweetest of daughters
caught the glddy youth in the very act Of
deliberately winking at her offspring
across the counter.
What do you mean sir?' Numbered the
rate matron IN tones that could be heard
for rods away.
Nothing abashed the young man deliber-
aIely Wlnhed at mamma. at the same time
saying II contrite tones, You must ex-
cuse me madam. but l am afflicted with
nerve trouble in my eye which at times
places me In a very embarrassing posi-
ton and then the young reprObate let go
Yeritable brOadside Of dOuble-barreIed
Wlnks, to the Generalization of all con-
cerned
As the young man is a member of the
Eighteenth ward royal family he was
eventually forgiven with the admonitiOn
TO 90 and consult an oculist.
Once rTDoy, +i,,,, or
who retails pills and chest protectors.
bought dog in a cursory way. He was
the cutesr little puplet ever seen when
Co4nn9r s covetous eyes first dwelt upon
the little 6-weekS-Old barker
Inc druggist prides himself on knowing
a daWg when he sees one, and when he
stumbled across an honest old fellow
peddling a litter OF black and tans on
Main street he exclaimed Eureka" and
proceeded to bargain for the pick of the
bunch. Finally O'Connor paid all kinds
OF Coliars and cents for perfectly mark
ed little beauty and proceeded to carry
MIN home in triumph
AS the pup successfully passed through
the lrlpuiauonS OF pupdOm he grew in
khoWlecSe and light, especially light. As
the days wore on the dye wore of until
ne has grown TO dogs estate. a yellow
QuaQruped with a marked antiDathy for
cats and propensity for worrying rub
pers on the domestic porch and geOlOgi-
cal research in the exact geometrica
center of the lawn
mere Is now dog for sale.
Scenes. w. EccIes' Office in the Oregon
Short Line building.
Time 2:S0 p. m. Wednesday Properties.
a ooX or cigars, stack Of correspondence
and troubled mien.
Enter young man. with aspirations
VINO pears the name of Olsen. He pro-
quces a letter Of introduction signed by
the PRESIDENT Of the city council.
EccIes greets him cordially, but shat
terS his bright hopes by informing him
mat the position of general manager of
the road Is at present being ably filled by
d SIeriI1g man; was there anything else
ne could do for him. Then according 10
the custom, so as TO let the applicant feel
mat no slight was intended. Secretary
harry q. Tooker IS summoned and the
usuaI query regarding vacancy pro-
pounded rocker ponderS a minute and
tnen asserts that if the young man would
care 10 take position as Stenographer
tnat ne could go 10 work instanter
Slenosraphers SnOrted the applicant
IN indignant tones, what's the good of
that kind Of a iob?" Such a man is no
earthly bit Of good, he is a mere auto
matte machine, and never knows any
tnlng. he can never rise above being a
mere machine"
Eccles enjoys the Joke at lockers ex-
pense and proceeds to throw out feelers
/ while the young man innOcentIv rIibs II
in in total ignorance of the Situation.
When the situation becomes well nigh
unbearable Tooker urbanely insinuates
that there is chance of promotion in the
telegraphic service; WhereupOn Olsen
wakes exceeding wroth at the mere in
situation.
In his opinion a train dispatcher is. one
OF the most despicable creatures on the
lace OF the glObe-a man who can never
rise above his machine and who knows.
: II possible, even less than the benighted
Stenographer aforesaid. 1t was now
| Tookers time to smile at the expense of
. his superior officer, who in the DAYS of
yore was an operator.
The atmosphere clears after the deDar-
ture OF the youth with decided opinions
and all hands proceed to dissect the
moral
1t was sultTy night in June-as Clark
Russell would say. Weary worn and
sad, the sire Of the Bits of Color column
IN the Storm Starter, meandered up the
ms happened long ago. before. he became
so widely travelled. The embriOnic Ten
nyson asked for a room, and eventually
toddled TO the 'Steenth story weltering.
whiting wreck with an alkaIi thirst
superinduced by feverish ride on a
sure-enOugh Pullman.
without indulglng in painful reiteratiOn,
the night was tOrrid- Tod was tOrrider.
and promptly proceeded to pose in the
altogether; compromising matters. how
ever, he eventually LAY like a warrior
taking his rest with a cheap hotel quilt
around him
When the young stockbroker arose from
his troubled couch at the first blush of
roseate dawn he was Mortified to observe
A. that his manly form was covered with
grotesque patterns in striking red and
Diue uutS, Hhlie across MS expansive
chest was the title Of the Minneapolis
hotel.
II took three bars of soap and 4 nail
brush TO remove the result of perspira-
ton and a cheap quilt being brought into
That is the true story of Bits of Color