Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1900-11-08
The Turtle Handicap
BY E. j. Webster.

d" 4 FTER Eben Brown sold his
n farm" said Deacon Todgers,
reminiscently, slime hung pretty heavy
on his hands, and he got into the habit
of coming down to the tavern and bet
ting with the boys. 49,. &c., -.
"The moral element of the commun.
ity being against cards and dice, the
good old man had to stir up the sport
ing blood of the boys by getting them
to bet on races of various kinds, horses,
fast dogs, and finally matches between
donkeys.
"Eben could generally hold his own
in the betting game; but Squire Rogers,
who was pretty smooth ole codger
himself, ran in ringer donkey in race
that Eben thought he had all fixed.
The result was the transfer of wad
of bills to the squire, and bunch of
experience to Eben. Eben felt sore at
this. -
"'For an elder of the church to run
in trick circus animal in race sup
posed to be limited to nonprofessional
Pike county donkeys is enough to
curdle the milk of human Kindness
observed Eben sadly. I'm good man
and pious, but I'll get even with the
squire if 7. develop paresis trying to
think up some PLAN :.a.,..5.
"Eben always had been given to fuss
ing with electricity, and magnets, and
scientific foolishness, so when he didn't
show up at the tavern for spell every
one thought he was busy with what he
called his 'inventions.' But one Satur-
day afternoon he came to the tavern
carrying big overgrown land turtle.
~ IS It's only poor, homeless turtle I
picked up and tried to make comfort
able he said in answer to the boys
questions. No candidate for first prize
at beauty show, but an animal with
good points, despite his unassertive APP
pearance.' ~@' ..r.a. e, - 4.
"'And beyond his good looks, what
might be the particularly progresses
ing qualities of that new pet of yours?'
inquired Squire Rogers. :.-. F..
''t'He's a turtle, an honest, open.
faced turtle, and, nc gahoping Bucepha-
lus disguised as a donkey answered
:Eben, sort of tart like. But while he
don't look like sprinter,, I will back
that turtle in race against any turtle
in Pike county a.~ #..1 -
"Eben's turtle looked too fat and too
heavy to carry off any honors in the
racing line, and the turtle match being
a new game. all the boys took to il.
Eben made a few small bets. I
thought he had things fixed and was
looking to see his pet win, but when
Eben set the turtle down it blinked
its eyes and acted M ore as if it wante ed
to go to sleep than engage in aturtle
running match. Eben seemed heart
broken.
s@.' g How much sharper. than 4 ser
penis tooth is an ungra teful land, tur-
-tle,' he groaned. Raw meat and af-
lection and good advice have always.
been that turtles portion, and now he.
settles down and sleeps as calmly as if
his owners good money haint been
wagered on his recreant legs and lazy
disposition
A s'Eben took the turtle up, turned him
upside down and seemed to be giving
him most powerful shaking.
a8 The boys feltit was just like finding
money to bet against that fat turtle.
This time Eben held, the turtle in his
hands until everything was ready for
the start. Then he placed the turtle.
on the ground and gave him a little
poke. y n;
\, SssTalk about racing turtles! The fat
turtle simply galloped over the course.
He didn't stop at the end, either, but
kept on at an increasing speed until
Eben ran and picked him up. Eben
collected his bets, this time taking
about all the money in the crowd.
q. a {" That turtle isn't q ringer donkey,'
he said to Squire Rogers, and he's no