The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1900-12-14


glory Of this worldg' my son, it's
the things we preach against when we
don't succeed in getting them."-Life.
To Hide 1t: Hewitt-What are you
raising whiskers for? Jewett-Wen,
don't mind telling you that l am
wearing a necktie my wife gave me-
Bazaar.
I've got the best Of the ould rail-
way company for once in me loife."
How is that, PatT 1--WE got a return
ticket to London, and" dn a Whisper
Il amt coming back. '-Tit-Bits.
His liberal policy: Il believe in tax
Ing some things for granted" Yes;
when you lent me the novel you said
was so delightful, noticed the leaves
were not cut."-Chicago Record.
My parents may come between u.s."
she faltered. IF they do" he exclaim-
ed, holly, they must be pretty small"
And he pressed her still closer to his
manly Philadelphia Record.
His uncalled-for apology: He-You
told your mother 1 was sorry for hay
Ing made an idiot of myself at her din
ner-party last night-what did she say?
She-Oh, she said she noticed nothing
unusual. George!-Tit-Bits
80 poor old Mr.. Clubite is dead"
Eyes. But he died happy lis that
sop YES. Almost his last words
were that at last he was going to a
place where golf wouldn't be the only
burning question. "-Harper's Monthly.
Recognized Him: Mrs. Casey read
ing war news)-Wan soljer wor NOR
thai wounded, and his lasht words wor
Gimme whisky" Mrs. Dolan Whose
husband is at the front)-Hivin hip me
catherless children; thot wor Pat
Bazaar.
you say you were in three wars?"
asked the judge Of the colored prisoner.
"Dat what I said, jedge." Name
them" well sub, wuz cook TO de
sojers in de war wild de spanlels en-
den bin married 70 times. Atlanta
Constitution.
First Parrot-Say, that girl has been
to England since she was here. Sec
ond Parrot-What makes you think sol
First Parrot-Why, she used to say:
Polly. want a cracker" and now she
says: Polly, want a biscuit. Indian
apolis Journal.
Johnny's current history: The teach
er asked the scholars to write a SEN
tence in which the word "chaste' was
used. Johnny Wise, who keeps posted
= on current events, wrote: "AguinaldO
is the most chaste man there is."-Bal-
Il timore American.
Opportunity provided: ITS no won
der those Japanese troops cover them
selves with glory" What do you
meang" why. the other foreign
commanders are polite enough to let
them do all the dangerous work.
Cleveland Plain Dealer
Sallie de Witt-Thats Mrs. Allie Mo-
neigh. She has been married and di-
vorced five times. Noel Little-How
remarkable for one so young in appear
ANGEL Her matrimonial reigns must
have been very short. sallie de Witt
Mere Brooklyn Life.
Ne money in it: This comes from
= making love to the daughter Of a gen
ius." What is the trouble, Tom p
;. why, her father has just invented a
d parlor-clock that sounds an alarm al 10
+ o'clock. turns out the gas, and opens
the front door by a wire spring. Chi
( cago News.
Jackson-See here. Unison. that con-
y founded dog Of yours kept up a cOntin-
: ual howl under my window till o'clock
u this morning. Jimson (frmly)-It
: wasn't my dog. sir. Jackson-I'm glad
e to hear that. old man. because 1 hated
! to ask you to bury the body; to whom
u did you sell him life.
= A Slim Excuse-A Connecticut cir
y fell from her bicycle and hurt her knee
- When they examined the injury in thu
drug store they found she had on thre'
r. pairs Of stocklngs-golf, plain white
/, and the everyday sort. No doubt he
n. excuse for wearing all that hosiery wa
- thin one.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
a Gratitude: Young Lady-Give M,
10 one yard of-why, haven't 1 seen yol
before? Dry-GoOds Clerk-Oh. Maud
e. can you have forgotten me? I save
It. your life at the seaside last summer
a Young Lady (warmly)-Why, Of cours
2 you did! You may give me two yards o
st this ribbon. please.-.Boston Journal.
IA Didn't Follow Directions: Indignau
u patron-You advertise to cure consumI
90 ton. don't you? DR.. Quack-Yes. sill
Of I never fail when my Instructions ar
~ followed. Indignant Patron-My so
IS, took your medicine for a year and the
lis died. DR.. Quack-My instruction
IL were not followed; told him to tax
n. Il for two vears.-Tid-Rits.