davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16
POINT OF THE JOKE.
A witficism which Puzzled N Num-
ber of Persons.

A Witficism which Puzzled N Num-
ber of Persons.
The following alleged witticism,
taken from the columns of the New
York Life, appeared in The News a
few days ago:
Teacher-And who was Cain?
Small Boy--I guess he must have
been the first Englishman.-Life.
Since that time many letters have
been received by The News from in
terested readers asking that the point
Of the joke be explained. A well
known musician, who Is an English
man by birth. called at The News Of
flee to get at the bottom of the joke.
Lie said that English people We're said
to be slow in seeing the point of a joke
but that he readily saw the fun In
most Of the current jests. This one.
however, he was unable to fathom.
Here are solutions suggested by a
reader:
at might be said that the charm of
this particular joke lies in its variety
of points. 1t might be that Cain was
like the first Englishman because he
killed his brother. This Interpretation
is given presuming that the reader is
familiar with the South African situa-
ton. Then. taking into consideration
the inability of the English to down
the Boers quickly. it might be that Cain
Is like the Englishman because he
wasn't Abel. Then, too. Cain is like
the Englishman because nobody now
living ever saw either.
"The fact that Cain killed Abel with
q club or stick has some connection
with the Englishman who cannot see
a joke. for could not Abel have said
on being struck, That sticks meT
again, If the first Elgllshman was
as particular about his appearance as
the members of his race, both might
have remarked, Il want to be perfectly
killing. "-Baltimore News.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16

er a northeast wind would almost GER
ing to Mr.. Randolph. AS every one at
all familiar with the whims and pecul.
iarities Of Lake Michigan knows, a
sustained northeast wind lasing sew
eral days will raise the level at the
Chicago end of the lake and send
great quantities of water into the Chi
cago river. A southwest wind has the
opposite effect, and the effect would be
most marked when brought about i'm
mediately after northeastern. The
water piled up In the drainage canal
would begin to flow to the lake with
the falling level-that is, the surface
water would. The actual flow In the
canal would be maintained owing to
the open sluice gates at the Lockport
end, so the two mile an hour flow to-
ward Lockport would keep up, but be-
meath the surface. AS long as the
southwest breeze would last tho wa
ter would be flowing the two ways at
once.
II never saw that so clearly Illus
trated." said Mr. Randolph in explain
ing the phenomenon, "as one day when
we were pumping water out of pool
in the canal when we were building It.
The pumped water was all rolled and
black, and 1t poured into some exceed
ingly clear water from spring near
the Des PLANES river. There was a
breeze enough to create surface cur
rent on the clear water, through which
the current of yellow water could be
clearly observed flowing in the opposite
direction. Straws and chips thrown
out on top of the clear water were
borne along its surface one way, while
several feet below the CRIME and silt
of the. pumped current were plainly
visible. moving the other way."-Chi-
cago News.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16

sailors find pleasure In entertaining the
row out and inspect the big guns and
come back, as rule, with lot of but
tons and souvenirs. One Of the lead
ing photographers in San Diego has the
pictures of at least dozen rowing
clubs displayed in his window. The
young men Of San Diego have to take
sides In favoring the different clubs.
When a fellow has host of girl
friends. his room is apt to be adorned
with many club emblems. His prefer
ences and caprices are as variable as
the wayward winds.
In the harbor Is an old ferTyboat sad
,ly lacking paint. The vessel is tied to
a dock and is seldom used. The people
here say that when the craft was first
put in motion 1t simply whirled around
like bowling dervish. There is a
screw propeller at either end, and one
revolved one way while the other screw
went round in an opposite direction.
This story is doubtless untrue, but a
tugboat is employed to tow the old fer
ryboat when the occasion requires.
There are a number of Cinnamon
here. They act as cooks or house serv-
ants or else are engaged in7truck farm
ing. The latter class live out in Mis-
zion valley, a few miles from the cen
ter Of the city. Here, with industry
and economy, vegetables and fruit are
raised. In the summer the rivers of
southern California dry up, flow under
ground. and their surfaces become
sandy wastes. 30
The land is cheap. but the danger
from sudden bursts of rain during GER
tain months is very great. The houses
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16
Apemocrntic Duke.

The Duke OF Norfolk is noted for his
kind heart and for his utter disregard
for his personal appearance. So far Is
he from proud and naughty disposi-
ton that he is known by the tenants on
his estates as "Uncle Henry" Because
Of the poor clothes which he wears he
has been the victim Of some curious
and amusing adventures. On one oc-
casion he had engaged to distribute
the prizes to the pupils at convent.
Instead of riding to the convent in
state he walked and was met in the
grounds by one of the sisters. who,
judging from his appearance that he
was an applicant for charity, expressed
her sorrow that relief was not dis
tributed on that day. II know, sis
ter" said the duke, but you do dis
tribute prizes, and have come to dis
tribute them for YOU"
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16
LIFE IN SAN DIEGO.
EoclETY RUN BY ROWING CLUBS or
GIRLS.
Unique Chinese Method OF supplying
Families with vegetables--sNect
water Dam and Its Unity In Irri-
CATION.
Special correspondence.1

.Speciai Sorrespondence,J
SAN DIEGO, Cal, Feb. 81. This city
and its people are nothing If not orig
innl. The young women, for instance,
have formed themselves into number
of rowing clubs Each organization
adopts flag or pennant aud distinct
i've costume. A light boat holding nine
girls is used and a clever maid Is elect
ed captain She handles the rudder
and issues the orders, Her word is
law. The other eight girls propel the
boat with light oars,
San Diego has safe and commodious
harbor. Here the ladies' exercise. and
1t is fine sight 10 watch the beauty
laden craft skim swiftly over the wa.
ter. The. rivalry between the different
clubs Is intense Races often occur
when two boats happen to be going In
the same direction, and then every
muscle Is strained, On the shore, how.
ever, the strife Is tlerocst. The differ.
ent clubs represent various social
cliqucs. a membership In certain clubs
carries high prestige. and 1t is the am
btion of many girls TO enter the more
select crowds.
When warship, either American OF
foreign, visits this port, the officers and
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16
REAL ESTATE.

FOR SALF-15 lots, situated southeast
of Diamond Match works, at Barber
ton, Ohio. Lots 50Xl50 ana 50x250
feet. WIN build house for purchao-
ers Of lots. Terms easy. Inquire or
address l.. IL. IIorner, No. 100 Har-
ward ST., Akron, Ohio. For further
particulars. call ON o. ID. Evcrhard,
.Barbcrton, o. 30l II
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16
CHlCAGO'S NOTED RIVER.


II Not Washed Too Clean, II May De
Seen Flowing Both Ways.
That the drainage canal can flow two
ways at once may seem queer, but
Isham Randolph, chief engineer of the
sanitary district says II is entirely
possible. Not only Is 1t possible, says
he, but in all probability there VIII be
half dozen or a dozen times year
whom such peculiar phenomenon may
be observed.
A southwest wind following soon aft
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16
.C0rSetS
COrSetS

We make n special effort to have
what you wear in the CORSET
LINE. All sizes of the popular
makes are in stock.
AT 20c \ PAIR--Lu Lu Drab
Corsets in all sizes, well made,
and good fitting.
AT 39c A PAlR--Bessie, Drab
Corsets. This is the best SOC cor
set in the market.
AT 50c A PAIR $500 Drab
Corscts. Nothing in the country
today to equal them. They have
all the qualities that makes u cor
set desirable.
AT $1,00 A R-Glovc-6tting
Kabo, Warmers, Chicago Waist,
Balls Corset. These are all pop
ular makes. We have them in
drab, black and white.
AT $1.25 a PAIR Warmers 4
in-hand. Made expressly for stout
ladies. IT Is thc iuost comforta bic
cheap corset for stout people ever
made--in drab.
AT $500 \ pAIR-Deyonshrc.
Why pay long price FOR n COM
Portable good wearing corset.
stout Ladies'" we have Il cor
set in the Devonshirc that II is
impossible TO he uncomfortable
provided you get the right size.
Al 50c PAIR Misses Corset
Waists, well made in drab and
black, al. sizes. The most popular
brand that is is sold today.
Look over our line of laccs and
Embroideries. They can't help
bat interest you.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16
Glad she's stilI Alive.

'Is 1t orue that Mrs. Dragger reads
such exhaustive club papers"
exhaustive? OF course nobody ever
says anything, hut when she gets
through every woman in the club
breathes as If she had crawled through
a tunnel a mile long."-Indianapolis
journal.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16

And he wants to buy candy, advise
him to invest 1t where it will bring the
greatest returns. Boys and girls al
ways notice and see II YOU get your
candy out of boxes marked "Sell the
best" which means for the grocer or
candy store to sell the best candy. 1t
is made by S. b. Lafferty, and is of
the best quality and is splendid eating.
S. B. Lafferty
Phone 394
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16

Free Lectures Every Night.
"I see that Max O'Rell has delivered
2.104 lectures in 16 years"
pooh, that's nothing! I've been
married 20 years."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-04-16

aside from the clergyman, is the bar.
ber.
The Funny Man-And suppose he
only gets in through shave.-Yonkera
Herald. n
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23
NO QUARANTINE.
Clarksburg Kicks up Some Excitement
But Does Nothing Along That Line.

Clarksburg has been wrestling with
the quarantine problem and had about
decided to close the town tight against
all outside towns and to allow no one
to leave its borders. The council
took the matter up but after some
discussion laid it on the table. Sew
eral Morgantown people were there
and they lost no time in getting out
of town when the talk began.
Inquiry at Clarksburg reveals the
fact that there is nothing to get scar
ed at in the way of smallpox. The
one from whom we got our informa-
tion stated that the town was quar-
antining against everything but whis-
key and typhoid fever. Four deaths
from fever took place on one day there
this week. No effort to remedy this
terrible scourge has been taken. 1t
is thousand fold more dangerous
than smallpox but its prevalence has
robbed it of its terrors.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23

A NEW switch board is being put
in at the G. ID. and z. central and
everyone who has been bothered by
the cratic character of the service
can blame it on the transfer. 1t will
be day or SO before the service set
ties down again. The new board is
a beauty and will be much easier
worked after the operators get famil-
lar with it and the wires get untan-
gled but at present it is leading ev-
eryone merry chase.
THE line of cakes made every day
at the New England Bakery cannot
be excelled in quality anywhere Or
der your supplies early on Saturday.
Mr.. MoRELAND will move to the
property purchased from Mr.. Wood
April lst, but he thinks Of building a
residence on South Main street.
BEST oysters for the least money at
St. Clair's restaurant.
THE only place in town to buy
groceries, fresh meats, oysters and
everything you want to eat, is at
the City Market.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23

WATTERsoN had hard time to get
here but he delivered fine lecture
to make up for the delay.
THE post Office did not shut down
on account of Washington's Birthday
but attended to business the same as
usual.
G. N. REAY and Clarence Kincaid
are eerecting building d South
Morgantown in which they will open
grain and feed depot as soon as it
is completed.
The Wheeling excursionists re-
turned home this morning about A
O'Clock a pretty tired lot The dis
agreeable weather interfered greatly
with the big celebration.
IT'S hard matter to stand up on
the side walks after a few hundred
people have smoothed down the snow
fall into solid mass of ice. The
falls received in consequence of this
have been very numerous.
FROM winter to spring and then
back again with lightning rapidity is
the way that we have been treated by
the weather for the past few weeks.
The conditions obtaining have been
very hard on every one but no great
amount Of sickness has resulted from
it.
Mrs. CAPEHART's little daughter,
No. 4 Brick Row, Peasants street,
has been given the exclusive agency
by Holiday & Co. for their marvellous
shoe polish. Polish your shoes once a
week and they will always be polished
and absolutely water proof. Call upon
Jessie or Buna Capehart or drop them
a card.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23

War for the Walkover which is
coming town.
FINE fresh eggs at the New Eng
land Bakery.
SEE the New Spring line of How
ard Hats at Waters.
SELECT oysters 20 cents per quart
at the Delicatessen on Friday and
Saturday
GREAT preparations are being made
for the entertainment to be given by
the ladies of the Episcopal church on
the evening of the 9th They are
going to give something unique. Mrs.
Hartigan's orchestra will furnish the
music.
THE New England Bakery is hand
ling the product of the Pittsburg
Creamery.
ONE of the most stylish shoes in
the city, aud one that viii wear. a
year without breaking is the Soro
sis. At the Up-to Date Shoe Store.
Preston county is complaining
that many of the people now in the
pen from that county are not resi-
dents of the county but come in from
other places The case of James
Smith will be but another of the
same kind.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23
WOULD BE IMPORTANT.
Fish Matching Station Sure TO BE Es-
tablished In This State.

The committee on fisheries, to
whom was referred Senator Elkins' 8
bill to establish fish Matching and
fish station in West Virginia, report
that such station would be of very
great Importance The nearest sta
tion from which fish can be supplied
for stocking the waters in West Nir-
GINA is in the southwest corner Of
Virginia, which stocks the waters
of Southern and South Atlantic
States. A new station in West Vir-
ginia could serve to stock not only
the waters of that State but those
of Kentucky, Ohio, Pennsylvania
and Maryland. The amount pro-
yided in the bill 1925, 000) for it's
construction, including the purchase
of the land, is less than the cost Of
many similar stations, and is regard
ed as very conservative estimate.
The committee is of the opinion that
the proposed station would be OF
great benefit to very large section
of country outside Of West Virginia,
and therefore recommends that the
bill pass.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23
West Virginia Republicans.

WHEELING, w. Va, Feb. 23.-The
Republican state campaign opened
with meeting last night of the
state committee and a mass meeting
held in the interest of Congressman
Romeo Fl. Freer, of the Fourth dis
trict, who will contest with Collec-
tor of Internal Revenue A. B. White
Of Parkersburg, for the gubernator-
ial nomination. The committee Sc
leeted Charleston as the meeting
place of the state convention, which
is to occur on July 18th, and Fair
mont for the state delegate conven-
ton. May Sth.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23

SEVERAL new subscribers were add
ed to the list of this paper during the
present week. Those who do not get
it every day are missing a great deal
Those who already take it cannot get
along without its daily visits. Deliv-
cred to any part of town by carrier for
only ten cents week.
LADIES, you may not be needing a
tailor made suit yet, but remember
that they have a handsome line of
them at Smiths dry goods store;
just in; the latest styles and prices
as low as they can be made.
THE ice men are independent.
They do not cpre whether there is any
more ice frozen this winter or not.
They have their supplies laid in and
have a better quality of ice than they
have had for years. The freezes have
not been very severe this winter but
some way or other the ice that has
been frozen is of the very best.
ONE third off of our former low
prices on all mems and boys winter
suits and overcoats. Hirschman's.
Guy BROTHERS made hit last
night with our people, They always
please the people here and last night
was no exception. One of the best
things about the company is that it
is clean. There is nothing sugges-
tive about the jokes and everyone
who goes enjoys it from start to fin
ish.
THE reductions we have made on
all winter shoes will make them &c
quickly. Come before the choice
things are all gone. Hirschman's.
LESS than one person in each hun
dred thousand lives to the age reached
by Hezekiah Thomas who was buried
on Thursday afternoon. His home
had been for many years on West Run
near Collins Ferry where it is said he
had lived for nearly seventy five years.
There is no doubt he had more than
completed his century some of his
friends maintaining that he was Ia
his l04th year.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23

ST.. CLAIR's restaurant receives ten
gallons of fresh oysters every day in the
week except Monday.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23

ST. CLAIR's restaurant receives ten
gallons of fresh oysters every day in the
week except Monday.
IT is about time to fix up some Of
the bridges along the B. &. O. A no.
tice to the effect that it will be done
shortly is published in another column
and is taken from the News Standard.
The company is neglecting very few
things that can make the road any
better or safer. They are getting
ready for the big rush of freight that
will shortly begin to pour over it.
The demands on it have been very
heavy recently but even this is to be
surpassed.
Go TO the New England Bakery for
Vienna bread and rolls.
THE best meats in town at the
City Market.
REGULAR board can be had at the
De,icatessen for $500 Per week.
Nothing that will approach it can be
had for the money elsewhere in thi
vicinity.
to get good schedule together for
the baseball team and will have the
best'one that has ever been filed out
for University organization. He is
a great rooter and knows a great deal
about the game.
FRESH creamery butter constantly
on hand at the New England Bakery.
Use J. G. McVicker's Pansy
Cream for the complexion.
A NEW line of Thos. G. Plants
| celebrated shoes at Waters
30 per cent saved to you on any pair
of mems, woman's and childrens
winter shoes in stock. Hirschman's.
THE streets have been in better con-
dition since the snow got onto the
mud and covered it from sight. A
street sweeper will be the only thing
that will take the mud off permanent
ly. When it goes off from the sweep
er that is the last of that mud
VIENNA bread and rolls at the New
England Bakery.
SEND in your orders by phone to
}. A. Weaver for groceries.
FRESH country produce is a special
ty at the grocery of J. A. Weaver.
| Peasants street.
Two THINGS will soon come before
thrifty house-keepers for their con-
sideration, and especially to those
going into new homes: that of car
pets and lace curtains, and where to
buy them at the best prices. Smith S
dry goods store is at the front in
these two lines: They show you 81
of the new patterns in ipgrains and
brussels from 25c yard to Csc, the
latter being for Wilton velvet. You
will do vel to see sthem early. All
you need is to see the lace curtains
they sell themselves.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23
Che New Century
Begins not now, but in 1901.
Your fortune

Begins not when you merely
think it over, but when you ae-
tually invest with J. w. Wiles,
the man who makes money by
making money for hundreds of
others.
Daily new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1897-1906, 1900-02-23

Try our want ads.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1900-01-12

they had voted for cont stant at the
election. Judge Brooke, with emphasis,
continued: Il invite a judicial determine
ton Of this contest. and to that end in-s
woke 4 careful examination of the testi-s
mony, and being guided in such exami-s
nation by the ordinary rules of resi-.
zdence.,' He averred. that at least ninety
per cent. OF the thousands of witnesses
examined by contestant, as to how they
voted there is absolutely no proof that
they We're registered voters. The regis
tration books Were not put in evidence
nor were the witnesses themselves asked
whether they We're qualified voters.
IN summing up the case, Judge Brooke
said
..Tile time has come when contests
Should be tried on their merits, and no
encouragement held out to disappointed
candidates to contest, because in their
opinion tire political complexion Of the
majority i'll Congress will give them a
fighting chance. IF fraud has been prac--
ticed in this election, as citizen of the
State, hope to see it exposed and eX-
punged.''
The Committee wils make a report to
the House early next week, and final
disposition will shortly follow.
Representative Otey. of Virginia, will
have hearing week from next Tues
day before the House Committee on Mill
tary Affairs, on his bill to provide for
the appointment of dental surgeons for
service in the United States army. Among
the prominent men who will urge favor
able action is DR.. w. S. Donnely, of the
District OF Columbia.
Ed. Newman, of Woodstock, Va. has
been authorized to organize Natiorsll
bank to be known as the Shenandoah
National Bank of Woodstock" with
capital stock of fifty thousand dollars.
The postoffice site at Ripley Mills.
Craig county, Va, has been changed to
one mile northeast. on route 114,C53.
The original pension of IS per month
has been granted to Geo. Luher, Cape
Charles, Va.
The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1900-01-12
ADJUSTMENTS.
!" The Little Minister at the Academy.
Naudcviliea at the Bijou.
Academy-.'The Little Minister
3s;ir,,-Jlj,1,-,.i.S va11.vj1in

81 OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES y duueNAit-
The closing performance Of the Crane
engagement at the Academy last night
Was marked with brilliant audience, not
understanding the disturbing elements. The
boxes were occupied by richly Sdressed
ladies. and gaiety was noticeable in all
parts of the house.
"a Virginia Courtship'. has been seen
here and It's story Is known. 1t is cleverly
constructed and was .splendidly portrayed
by Mr.. Crane and his company.
@4 OF the supporting company hir. William
Courtle.gh deserves special mention. ana
Miss Selena Johnson, as Madame Robert.
and Miss Percy. Haswell. as Constance.
m,ese charming In their portrayals.
The appearance Of Charles Frohmans
Company presenting J. N. Barrle's char
acierixation OF his own book, The Little
Minister at the Academy to-night. is
one of the most important theatrical
events OF the season. Lady Babbie,
the rossiish but royal little queen OF hearts.
vas playcd last season by Miss Adelaide
Tl,urston, and SO satisfactory TO press and
pubic was Miss Ttnrston.s playing Of the
part. that Mr.. FTohman has again ;entrust-
ed It 10 her a1r Ira Hards. u forcefnl.i
manly young actor. VIII be seen as Gavin
TsIshart. r The Little Minister. :. q nd s that
sterling actor. Frank Z. Aiken. as = ord
int onl. The queer. quaint Scotch Ioiks
~ .Ihrunas sre Al In the hands q COM
0o1oRx poaes