Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-06-26


ored servant in Washington named
Matilda, who one morning smashed
large dish at the buffet. What have
you broken now, you - - black
idiot?" exclaimed her master. Matilda
meekly responded: "'Tain't de fo'th
commandment, bress de Lawd!
When James Whitcomb Riley and
"Bilr' Nye travelled together giving a
joint entertainment, the humorist had
great fun with the poet. Once, In in
Producing Riley and himself to an au-
dience, Nye remarked: II will appear
first. and speak until get tired; then
Mr.. Riley will succeed me and read
from his own works until you get
tired"
At the Battle of Trafalgar, a sailor
found kneeling by his gun, as his ship
was about to engage the enemy, was
asked by the first lieutenant if he was
afraid. "Afraidv answered Jack, with
an expression of the utmost disdain;
mo, your honor; I'm only praying that
the enemy's shot may be distributed
like the prize money-the greatest part
among the officers"
AS a rule, Joseph Jefferson never
guys the members of his company, but
ly his support, tells of one occasion
when the venerable actor yielded to the
temptation. 1.-The Rivals" was the
play and everything proceeded smooth
ly until the scene was reached in
which Falkland, Captain Absolute and
Bob Acres have a wordy altercat ton.
At this point the actor playing Falk-
land ranted violently, and finally, in
a burst of anger, slammed a door as
he made his exit. 1t is part of the busi-
ness of Captain Absolute to say at this
juncture, 'Poor Falklandr' He did
so, and Mr.. Jefferson promptly replied,
1.-The poorest l ever sawr'
Gen. Sir Herbert Chermside, who is
now in South Africa, was formerly a
consul in Asia Minor. Once, in a weak
moment, he sent couple of beautiful
sAngora cats as present to a lady in
Constantinople. The lady was so pleas
ed that she asked him to send some
more. Sir Herbert gave his native ser
want some money and told him to go
and buy two or three. Then came a
demand for more cats from the con-
suls friends, and he gave his servant
more money with which to buy cats.
This went on for two or three months,
and the native servant waXed exceed
ing fat. One morning, however the
general, on coming out of the consul
ate, was surrounded by a host of in
furiated yelled women, who besought
Mohammed to curse him because he
had stolen all their cats. 1t appears
that the native servant had pocketed
the money for himself, and gone round
with a sack and confiscated every cat
in the place.
Alfred Montgomery was a member of
the English board of internal revenue
half century ago. At one of the ses-
sions Of this body, held on baking
hot day, he was shocked to see the
chairman's private secretary come into
the board room with his coat off. As
the secretary was leaving the room,
Montgomery called him back and said:
"Mr. -, If you should find 1t con-
venient in this hot weather to take off
your trousers, pray do not let any feel
ing Of respect for the board stand in
your way" One day a canon wrote
and asked if he must pay a license
duty ON a carriage which was only
used to take his infirm parishioners to
church on Sundays. "What do you say,
Montgomery" said the chairman.
"Oh," answered he, "tell the canon that
the board will not insist on the old
people going to church" He complain
ed of having been bitten at country
house to a certain lord who was not
remarkable for his personal cleanli-
ness. 81 never have been bitten there"
said the nobleman. NO" said Mont
bomery, 'even bugs must draw the line
somewhere" On another occasion,
when his carriage ran away, he called
out to the coachman: "Drive into some
thing cheap"