The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-07-25

phone Wnetner ~. y. was III MISSOURI or
Is ansas."
did you tell him Kansas?' asked the
boss.
Course not
''You may be all right on geography,
hut you are no good in business. 1t you
had said Kansas, he'd have ordered any
way a gallon to take with him. In
dlanapollS Press.
The judge looked down over his spec
tacles at the fair plaintiff.
Decree is granted with restoration of
plaintiffs maiden name" he said.
The plaintiff arose and thanked the
Judge Then, in her high, clear soprano,
she. remarked:
Might 1 ask your honor to reserve the
last clause Of your decision for three
months?'
Which clause do you mean?'
1.-The one referring to the resumption
of my maiden name"
And why?' inquired his honor, land
why do you ask this?"
Because" replied the fair one. "be-
cause | have quite quantity Of my old
calling cards on hand and l hate to see
them wasted. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'Bigsby went UP to see the Thousand
islands on special rate excursion tick
et.'
How did he enjoy the trip"
He came back threatening to sue the
railroad company"
What for?"
HE couldn't count but 993 islands.'-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
whats your name, young MANI in
Guired an employer OF an applicant for a
post as office boy.
Revelations, Sir" was the reply.
"Funny. name, that. Whose inspira
ton was ReveiationS?'
We'll. it was like this" said the boy.
My eldest brothers were triplets, and
they We're christened Matthew, Mark and
Luke, so father thought he'd better stick
to the New Testament and when | was
born they'd got through it,
Were you the last, thenT'
Last but one, sir; they went to the
him Numbers. London Spare Mo
ments.
Grim but Precise-"Is your father go
ing to be back soon?' asked the stranger.
Il dunno" answered the small boy in
leather clothes, who stood at the door of
Crimson Gulch dwelling. Pap has a
purity good boss, but so has some Of the
folks on the vigilance committee. | reck-
ON I'd igger on pap's getting home in
about twenty minutes or never. WASH
ingtOn Star.
A little girl on Madison street in Mem
phis had just finished a new house dress
and called in one of her friends to adj
mire it. as is customary even among girls
of 4 larger growth, remarks the Scimi-
tar!
BY way of explanation to her friend
she onted out that the wastband had
three buttonholes at intervals of about
an inch, so that the skirt could be let out
or taken up at pleasure.
''What on earth is that fOr?' asked
her friend
1.-The first hole is to be used in the
morning, the second after dinner and the
third after waternelons," promptly re-
piled the owner of the dress.
The watering carts of certain Irish
town are decorated with patent medi-
cine advertisements. An innocent Irish
man from the rural districts looked at
one the other day, and remarked: Faith,
it's no wonder D is healthy. when
they water the streets with Jones sarsa-
parilla"'
A former Duchess of Buccleuch had
an old Presbyterian nurse, who was once
persuaded to attend the beautiful church
they had built
The duchess afterward asked her if it
was not very beautiful, and she said:
'Oh, yes, very
And the singing, said the duchess,
twas not that lovely?'
Yes, your grace she said. at was
lovely, but it's an awful way of spend
ing the abbath.'-Cassell's Journal.
Midget-"I wonder how the Circassan
girl ever got such long hair?' Giant
she says that when Il child her nurse
told her a hair-raising ghost story
Philadelphia Record.
A Glasgow servant girl went home a
few evenings ago with her head wrapped
up in a shawl. Her young mistress
that she was suffering from a bad at
tack of toothache brought on by sitting
in the park. But you ought not to sit
on such cold, chilly night as this
said the mistress. You should walk at
a smart pace" The girl looked at her a
minute, as though plying her ignorance,
and then answered: You Gamma coort
right walking; you must sit DOOM
TO-
City Barber Ito Scotch visitor, after
shaving)-"Little bayrum, STRIP
Scotch VisitOr-"Weel, I'm ma fond o
rum; but l wadna refuse a drap whus-
kyr'-Tit-Bits.
A true story is told of little girl, the
daughter of clergyman, who was ailing
and in consequence had been put to bed
early. Mamma" said she, Il want to
see my dear papa. NO, DEAR said
her mother. Papa is not to be dis
turbed now" Presently came the plead
ing voice: I want to see my papav'
mo-" was the answer, Il cannot disturb
him." Then the 4-year-old parishioner
rose to a question of privilege. NAM
ma said she, Il am a sick woman, and
want to see my minister.'
He-"That Miss Bleacham is a pro-
nounced brunette, is she not?''
She Il really can't say. 1 haven't
seen her for a week. The King.
Bishop Wilmer of Alabama used to
tell this story: Il wanted deaconesses
for church work and undertook to per-
suade a very estimable od-maiden lady
to take up the work. To my surprise she
strenuously refused, and when I urged
her to give me a reason why she should
not, she replied: I might get married.
Madam said |, at what time OF
life do women give llD that hODe2