The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-10-28
Fun of the World.


Here Is a story from the Baptist csn-
ference az Leicester. 1t is about g nm
ister- he found himself at chapel one
morning without his sermon. NY dear
brethren, he exclaimed, 1 can on.y give
you now what God viii send ne. 5at
tonight Twill come better prepared.
< z x x
". S. Gilbert, NEE ing the editor OF
Punch one day, remarked as ne was
leaving him: by the BY, Burnand. I
suppose a great number OF funny stories
are sent into your office?'' "oh, yes,'
said Mr.. Burnand, thousands II hen,
my dear fellow, why don't you publish
lhem?" replied Mr.~Gilbers. as he put
out his hand 10 say goodbye.
<
A well-known Journalist CT other days,
very poor, and often more neglisent snan
poor, was very careless aoous his dress
A friend. overtaking him one day IN tbs
street. said TO him: Why, A, are you
not ashamed TO walk the streets with
twenty holes in your stockings Why 10
YOU not set them msndede" No, ms
friend, net 50" replied the untidy one;
and. II YOU had the pride Of gentle
man, you would act ike me, and walk
with twenty holes in your stockings
rather than one darn" How do you
make that out?" Because a hole Is
evidently the accident OF the day; but a
darn is premeditsted poverty
< < < <
According 10 the Northern Wing at
an election in the North OF England a
candidate was persistently heckled by a
chimney-sweep, who appeared al the
meetings in his sooty garb, with bag on
shoulder and face and hands unwashed
II was difficult 10 shake on this literal
''bete noire bat at last the perse-
outed candidate disposed of his adversary
by commencing his reply. IN the most po-
lite manner, with: IF the gentleman
in mourning" He had no need 20 go
further. for the crowd. tickied by this
description Of his opponent, drown the
rest OF the sentence IN roars OF laughter,
and the inquisitiye sweep was heard no
more.
x x < <
In a busy quarter of a busting town
a boot and shoe emporium was dong
a fairly good business, until a rival e.
tahlishment was started bearing IN its
window a flaming Dlacard with the le-
gend, mems conScia recu"-A mind Goa
scious of rectitude.''
The proprietor Of No. seeing that
his neighbor was getting more than a
fair share OF patronage, concluded ihat
the Notwithstanding device had some
thing to dc with il, so he determined 10
checkmate him
Accordingly one morning the public
was informed by gorgeously colore1 let
tiers that: Mems and women's con-
scia recti may be had here Of the best
quality at lowest possible prices"
That man deserved success. but, alas,
1t came not
gg "a
Miss Florry. said the traveller, lean
ing over the counter OF the village shcp.
where his samples were spread out for
display, and speaking 20 the fair sri
behind II in low, eager, passionate tones,
now that old Hunks has gone TO the
front 10 wait on a customer. ] may
tell you how I have looked forward for
the last thirty days to the time when
1 should have the happiness OF seems
you again, and hearing from your own
dear lips that you have not forgotten
me-may I not? While I have been on
my dreary rounds from town 10 town, or
passing the leaden hours in waiting for
trains at little railway stations, the
thought OF your lovely face has thrilled
me to the hearts core You have been
to me the beacon light Of hope the in
SEPARATION of every--striped goods like
these, Miss Baxter. are worth s. a dozen.
can't make them a penny less" he
said, in a hard, business-like tone.
Old Hunks had returned TO the back
part OF the shop.
Y x n x
A London journal tells this tale Of a !
famous novelist who recently took Up
her residence Just opposite school. .
where, in the course of educational rou-
tine. the children are went to engage in
antiphonal chants. The following CORE
spondence, therefore, took place the au-
70
Miss --- presents her compliments 10
Miss -, and begs that she will be
good enough to arrange that there may
be no singing class between the hours
Of 10 and l these being Miss rs
working hours. when distractions are
distasteful" The school
mistress 10 the suthoress: Miss ---
presents her compliments to Miss -.
and begs 20 state that IL such a course
were likely to prevent the writing OF
such books as The Horrors Of Satan
and The Muscular Traction. she would
rejoice in arranging singing program
for every day from 2 TO 2" Poor Marie
Coreili.
u * X
Il overheard a bit Of conversation On
/ CHEVY Chase car the other evening
hat put me in a good hunor for all
he rest Of the week, says a FhHadel-
ohia man. She was a pretty girl. and
she belonged TO the number OF those
pretty girls who are forever longing 70
)e told Of their beauty. She was with
blue-eyed young man. who looked az
Z he had seen twenty-five summeEs ard
great many other things more cdu a.
ional. She was taking Of n girl called
Maud
Don't you think Maud is swfuuy
,retty?" she asked
Shes a peach" answered the young
nan.
The girl dangled a bait more obvious
I'D be perfectly happy" she saiJ, II
were as pretty as she is
Bad fishing weather The young man
merely settled his tie a trlhe
%, we'll" he remarked. there's no
se being unhappy about things that
annot be Helped"
zs zg
The dangers associated with the fish
1g Industry on the Newfoundland banks
re many and grave. FoTeaDat smcax
hem is that tho dcrles may be- unset
-hls fishing. which involves me aim 1Es
1evitable Joss of their 0ccBDan Cal
BUS captains. SECURE themselves from
be necessity Of going. frequently order
seir men our when TIRE waafhfr does rot
'arrant 4. and Disaster are the resist
ne OF these brutal shippers was aptly
answered last year 1y a baukman. u
hose courage or capacity there was 70
uestion.
out With yoB. shouted the captain.
Hurry NJ there. rs 3 fine hshlus aaY~
ooh. no. skipper. replied TIE dorfruan.
It's too stormy today FOR a boat 70
sh.
Nonsense. man" rs}oinfd tss skipper.
u ny Ole Erandnothet from Pr gvlnc~-
1Wa was here ,o5ay sre'd get ser dory
az"
Then, skipper. aais fhs uaz. 80 hsr
-an8son vii come ouf vtth ne roa
s. naoi ny tTsw3