The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-04-25

And IN a bOOkmaker, cried the first
heartily. Shake.'-Syracuse Herald.
Archibald Forbes was proud to be
called reporter" of events and people,
He once said:
The term journalist gives me an
itching. desire to slap the face Of the per-
son using it. | do not do So but it is
not because | do not wish to-
Forbes, besides passing through the
Franco-Prussian war, the siege of Plev-
ma, the fierce fighting in Zululand, visit
ed the United States. After his return
to London he wrote some things about
the American girl, perhaps not as much
read then as they will be now.
-:O:- ~
When winter fingers
In the lap of Spring,
I'LL the little birds,
That try TO sing.
Have their notes
Frozen in their threats,
1t is high time
TO lay aside rhyme
And go after the weather bureau with
gun.-Detroit Free Press.
One day recently an elderly lady from
the wilds of Calder landed at Mitchell
Lane, Glasgow, and gazed earnestly
occupied the central position between the
tramway lines, says the Scottish Amer
lean.
''Man, man." she at length cried to a
passing carter, ''whaur will get an cleo
trio carp
We'll, mistress" was the gruff reply.
gin We dinna get DOT O that gey qnick
yen get it in the sma' O yer back
ATn.r
bat ought to call you Mr.. Bones or DR..
BOneS?'
The Doctor Grascibly)-"Oh. call me
anything you like. Some of nv friends
call me an old IDIOT.
Miss Maison-"Ah. but. those are only
people who know you intimately"
The barker at the State fair: "'Ere
you are now. Walk up, gentlemen; only
a nickel for two shots at the Prince of
Wilcs. Look at the bulk of i'm! You
can't help hittin' i'm. Every time YOU
plunks him on the belt line you gifts a
seegar. Walk up, gentlemen, an win a
Havanner! Two shots at the Prince of
Wlles fer tn small sum of one nickel
an choice seegar ev'ry time you plunks
i'm. Who's tn next lucky smoker?"-
Ex.
What exclaimed the orator. what
two things are helping mankind to get up
in the world?''
THE alarm clock and the stepladdcr,"
answered the dense person in the rear of
the hall.
A young society woman of one of Mil
waukees suburbs has rare cause for
pride, as she thinks. She has had two
operations perfOrmed-One for append-
off nd ono hn,. hn {aII, 2n,.
friends, with d high and mighty air of
great superiority that she has her appen-
dix in alcohol on one side of her bureau
while one toe is dome" in the same style
ON the other side. 1t is to be presumed
that her hip-pads hang in the center of
the bureau while her switch hangs on
the back.
by the way" said the Cornfed Phil
Osopher, Il think | may take advantage
of this being the gardening season to re-
mark that there is often very little diff
ference between a budding genius and a
blooming idiot. indianapolis Press.
"For the last time I ask you he
Kissed, will you give up the notion that
you can recite melodramatic poetry?"
Never replied the woman, his wife.
pale but resolutC.
'Then," he cried N voice vibrating
with passion, Il shall assume that / can
tell Irish dialect stories!''
Now she grOveled at his feet, and i'm
plOres him to be merciful, but in vain.-
Detroit Journal.
"Madge, we can't afford new clothes
this spring"
Wei, then, Albert, we must move
don't mind wearing my old duds in a
new neighborhood, but | won't stay here
and wear them"
look at Name Browns new box
coat"
Yes. Isn't it awful?"
That isn't. the worst of it,
''What is?''
''She fits it.''
So true is Miss Rose Melvile's make
up in isis Hopkins" and so wonderful
ly lifelike her Characterization of the In
diana country girl, that an Indianapolis
newspaper said she could step from the
stage into an Indiana country fair and
get lost in the crowd of visiting girls and
they would not know there was q stran
ger among them.
tIl SuIucd IOW ny lie WISHES OIL NY
fiancee," said the engaged man.
Miss guided man." retorted his bach
elor friend.-Boston Commercial Bull
letin.
TO-
II suppose you burned great deal of
midnight oil before you became eminent
as a statesman" said the friend
mo, SIR answered Senator Sorghum.
II burned money. "-Washington Post
THE AMBITIOUS HERO
I'm not content, although my skill
In war has taken tricks.
man must needs be Drawer still
To fight in politics.
-:O:----
No Fun.-May-"You didn't so to the
theater with your Cousin Tom after all!
l thought your fiance had no objection"
Mabel-"He hadn't. That's why !
didn't go."-Judy.