The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-02-14
FROM THE FIRST WARD.

am going to write a letter while [
am bitter from the polished "boldi-
tude of my thought-crib clear down
to my fragrant No. 9's-bitter as OK
gall, stirred up with the tail-end of a
law suit over the ownership of an old
country homestead, with an ancestral
graveyard on the northeast corner and
a mortgage duly recorded at the county
seat. am bitter, because am slow
ly but surely dying of disease which
every quack doctor in the land pro
misses to cure permanently, if my money
holds out, and which the regular prae-
titioner promises to cure if my system
hold out long enough for me- to die of
old age, Every paper pick up that
has got circulation outside of print
ing Office is filed with the assurance of
the sympathetic patent msdicine man
that | am standing with one foot in the
grave and the other on a mortgage and
big doctors bill, and he alone can
snatch me from the jaws of death with
his patent snatcher, at 81 snatch.
About every fifteen years the COM
mon people start brand new political
party, and she booms and grows strong
and lusty and aggressive. and gives
promise of overturning all the old
worm eaten schemes and villainous
plots carried ON by the two old parties;
and people begin to look ahead to the
day when the common people have
full control of the government aud all
the grinding trusts and big monopolies
| will be wiped Off the earth by great
cyclone of justice and righteous in
| dignation. But wait a moment, Just
when things look the. very brightest
for the common people, one of tho old
political parties inserts brand-new
plank i'll its PLATFORM beautiful new
gilt-edgsd plank that shines out in the
dark like two white duck patches etch-
ed on the western horizon of your
Kentucky jean trousers-a new plank
written all over with hope and promise
of reform and two-dollar- a day for dig
ging post holes. And then the COM
mon people begin to melt away from
their leaders and run down the shank
of reason-like hot tallow running down
the side of the blue bottle used as
candlestick, and they begin to cluster
around that new plank in the old party
like pale yellow butterflies around
mud puddle located in the middle of
the road, leading down to the old Elm
tree where the horse thief was hung by
a mob of angry farmers.
l have always been taught that this
is the land of the freak and the home
of the knave but so far, | haven't been
able to distinguish between the two
after they take up the practice of medi-
cine, no odds what sort Of label they
put on the bottle. / once asked n
practitioner who furnished our family
with pills and plasters and poison and
pimple lotions, why the regulars didn't
try to stop the irregulars from adver-
Using their nostrums and deceiying
the people? but he laughingly remark
| ed, ooh, they don't hurt our trade at
all; they never cure anybody" We'll, "
/ said, in sort of deep green musing
way: "If they never cure anybody,
why is ii the people are not sharp
enough to distinguish the quacks from
the regular doctors who do cure some
body?" "Oh," he said with n Latin
grin ON the German side of his
smooth yankee face, "They haven
run across the doctor yet who is reall,
able to cure anybody. But some peopl,
get well OF their diseases. " / said
"Oh, yes, you admit some people ge
well in spite of the medicine they swal
low, just the same MS some people gel
INTO the Senate or tho penitentiary in
spite of their religion" Then we both
laughed, after which he charged me
w for a dose of compound cathartic
pills and assured me that if I would be
careful of my diet and take lots of fresh
ar, would get well in time, perhaps
Did you ever notice that when any
thing goes wrong in political circles
and the big officials ara accused of be-
ing struck with the dry-rot of corrup-
ton so badly that great wods of good
big dollars stick to them whenever
they touch them with ten-foot pole.
and the people begin to sit down and
howl about it; did you ever notice
how easily the people are squelched
and satisfied when nice little com.
mission of investigation is appointed
to go out with pail full of whitewasb
ana corn broom and begin to paint
| the alleged scoundrels beautiful
angelic, opolescent pea-green- yellow
natlonal-blue! Then the angry people
sit over on the other ham and crane
their necks and begin to look Mt the
moon and howl about tho commission
IN regular walls of wall-eyed wretched
wooden woe.
A Giufof Prosperity. Pennsylvania
industries are using 300, 900 more per
sons than at this time one year ago
100, 900 New England Cotton Mill
operatives have received an advance OF
10 per cent in wages; wages of EN-.
ployes in the cotton mills in Augusta,
Ga, and Bath and Langley, $. G., are
to be advanced; the Richmond, Fred
ricksburg and Potomac Railroad has
increased the wages of it's employees
10 por cent, and 400 workmen in the
Elgin Watch factory received an in
crease of wages, Jan. LIST last. All thii
shows a comparison between Demo
cratic rule aud Republican manage
ment; between closed mills and open
| Factories. hntwnnn pnnn hnnaoa md n