The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-11
PAT AND HIS POLICY.

NOW ItlEiiL 10 II RAT. NE1IElLeL, AcL III
Scene b
How big is Patrick Lannan. pa.
That people call him great?
Is he the wldeiy-kn0wnest man
In all this Church and state?
on. no. my child. they call him great.
{ But greatness he has none;
He's not the widely-knOwnest man,
But he's the widest enc.
Nor is he in the Church. my child.
Nor even in the swim
Hence ne would like to eat the Church,
Cause 1t cant stomach him.
It's had enough of politics.
OF Polly Prys and that
It's had enough of hypocrites,
It's had enough of Pat.
Twas all a Owen to this man
And things he did and said,
That Charles OWN Mostmen started in
To whOOp up his crusade:
Twas he persuaded Polly Pry
To swear that she was "hugged."
She may have been-perhaps for this
The Berkshire neck was "ssugged."
Twas he that called on Helen Gould,
Three thousand miles away
She would not let him call on her
In any other way
To help him fight man of straw,
4 phantom Of the BRAIN
Her brain. not his-his took a walk
And ne'er came back again.
1t vanished when he lost his head
Aneut the Roberts case,
And swOTe there were p0lygamiSts
In Parley's Canyon race,
And vowed not one of them should crawl
To where he could not climb,
To stain Potomac purity
With Salt Lake City slime.
/ Why did he go to Helen Could?
Dame Rumor gives a reason
II must be true-all rumOrs are
This polyganic season.
You see, Pats egOtistical.
And greedy, too, I'm told;
His big - knocked out little "u''
And took the Gould for Gold.
Pat never yet was half sincere
In anything he did,
He'd wink at all helVs revelries,
If he sat on the lid.
But once unseat him then beware
You'll find him most seat-aceous-
\ porcupine, a pricllly-pear,
A volcano lOquaciOUs.
They say he's warmed up Roberts seat
For Owen. the informer;
If Roberts kicks" friend Owens seat"
Is apt to be much warmer.
1t might suffice to warm his ears.
But Roberts may have learned
That none who've gone to those great
lengths
Have ever yet returned.
Pats got expansion on the brain
! Beg pardon, in the head,
And also in the diaphragm.
And conscience. too. It's said.
In union likewise he believes,
In blended Church and State,
If they would blend and bow to him,
And always choose his slate"
You'd hear no more "polygamy"
Or treason talk from him;
( His opposition, unlike Pat,
Would be exceeding slim.
How carefully he'd guard the Church
From every kind Of evil,
You'd think him one Of chosen twelve
The "One" that was "a devil"
His present policy is this:
Put all polygamists through.
Damn EN-, if they have nothing done,
For what they mean to do.
Unless they mean to do his viii,
And help TO crown him king
This gOldbug, who TO Hanna's feet
Fair Utah fain would bringI
That falling, he'll exclude the Church;
The State he will "expel,"
And Constitutions. they can go
/ TO-where his yet must dwell
For what are OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Are presidents to Pat?
/ The constitution he respects
Is underneath his hat.
/ He honors> but one President
Mckinley is the man,
/ Who didn't know "Polygamist'
| Could spell Republican"
/ And didn't care till Clamor rose,
/ And Roberts sought to rise;
Disclaimers then come laundering forth
| In tones to split the skies.
/ But now that Roberts is "expeIled'-
| Excluded" I should say.
/ And all American homes" are safe
/ Until the Judgment Day;
/ Let Helen Gould cOntented be.
! And all the world rejoice
4 That virtue. Lannan's chief delight.
/ Is chaste-eyed Schroeder's choice.
/ All this and more we know of Pat,
! The modern JanUs-face
/ A gold shield now, a silver shield
! When first he set the pace.
And this is why they call him great
And great he IS. no doubt
! The greatest fraud that ever turned
A ''weskit'' inside out.