The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-04-25

a sort or ElTt from heaven come,
Held 'twiXt my finger and my thumb.
And as for those peculiar things
Called fnger-bowls, | VOW, by jings!
will not 'em as they say
The bon-tons uses 'em today.
Il my hands amt both good and clean,
The pump is where it's always been;
And far as ever | could see,
It's plenty good enough for me.
l don't stand much on etiquette,
But yet
I'm too polite to wash my paws
AT table spite of social laws.
-HarperS Bazaar.
When Lawrence Barrett and Edwin
Booth joined forces and went starring
together, the financial success of the ven
ture was largely due to the fact that the
usual prices of admission were practical
ly doubled, relates Francis Wilson i'll
Life. When Mr.. Barrett next went out
by himself he. thought it would be a
derogation from his wel-known dignity
to abate the prices from the figures he
had attained while associated with MI.
Booth.
His first appearance on the new basis
was in New Britain, Conn. The play was
Julius Caesar with Mr.. Barrett in his
celebrated performance of Cassius. Sun
dry rllmOrS came to his ears that good
many of the inhabitants of New Britain
had declared they would see themselves
'darned first before they would give up
50 to see any one-dOllar show, and Mr..
Barrett was therefore a bit dubious
about the success of his experiment. AT
ter the curtain went up, though, he no.
ticed that the house was more than half
full, which, at double prices, meant that
it held more than the usual amount Of
money. Therefore when word was
passed to him, through several under
lings, that the manager of the New Brit
ain theater craved a few moments audi
ence, Mr.. Barrett was pleased to accord
the boon.
Mr.. Barrett was prepared to be con-
graduated on the success of his appear
ance, and received the manager OH the
stage.
The ma mayer approached without re-
moving his hat, and in very plain tones
said:
Mr. Barrett, I wish that after the
next act you'd go in front of the curtain
and tell the folks that next weeks show
is The Rag Baby and that it's real
funny
Mr. Barrett did not make the request
ed announcement.
''Now, madam" said the crotchety
judge, who had been annoyed by the
of previous female witnesses.
1--WE want no hearSay evidence Tell
only what you know. Your name,
please"
MARY Jones'" replied the witness.
''YOur age"'
''Well-er-I only have hearsay evil
dence On that point, SO ! won't answer"
Philadelphia Press.
d.
an ex-army officer quoted by the New
Orleans Times-Democrat, land he likes
to have fun with new reporters. | re-
member some years ago he told an unfor-
tunate Washington correspondent long
story about new gun metal that some
genius in Oklahoma or Kalamazoo was
supposed to have just discovered. 1t was
wonderful alloy which was as tough
as steel and as light as aluminium BY
it's use, the general said, it would be
possible to build guns which would weigh
no more than the immense projectiles
which they fred. The correspondent
was delighted, and went off and wrote
a beautiful article, which produced
spasms of laughter throughout the entire
artillery service. You see, it doesn't re-
quire a very profound knowledge Of
projectile both weigh exactly the same
amount they would fly in opposite direc-
tions with exactly the same velocity
when the piece was fred"
-:O:-
''You have lived in the farsW est ?''said
the young woman with an air of eager
interest.
Yes, MISS answered Broncho Bob.
And have witnessed lynchings and
stampedes Of cattle and all such things?"
Yes, miss"
Tell me; what was the most exciting
episode of your life
He thought with great care and then
answered earnestly:
."Gettin' off one Of these here 'lectric
cars the wrong way. miss. Washing
ton Star.
A woman living in the neighborhood
of HamptOn-in-Aden, having gone out
for a walk, accompanied by little boy
woebegone donkey, and the little lad
anxious to make Neddy run on SO cold
morning, went up and ficked him with
twig. But Neddy stood stock still and
never moved peg. The woman, sur
prised at this, went up to look at the
occupant of the ditch and discovered that
the poor animal had been frozen fast in
the mud, so that it's indifference 70 the
boys whip was Immediately explained.
She Immediately returned home and had
a man sent to dig the. donkey eutea Ned
dy was removed to the stable and was
thawed effectively blythe. application of
hot water The countryman VINO assist
ed at the removing operation suggested
that the woman, by discovering the don
key at the eleventh hour, as it were, had
prevented the local country folk from
witnessing what is additionally one Of
the rarest sights-a dead donkey.-Bir
mingham (Eng) Post.
Jimmie, did mother tell you to follow
meY'
Yes, she did,
well. here's nickel if you'll go
home. It's all I've got.''
Mop. Ma promised me a dime"
We'll, if you don't go home I'll give
you licking"
IF l do go home mas promised mes
two. '-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The long, solemn gentleman with the
piercing eyes tapped gently ON the shoul-
der of the encore fend in front of him,
says the Indianapolis Press
ALLOW me TO present YOU said he,
handing the applauder a small paper
ma ckape.