Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1900-02-15


she? May-yes; she cant get rid Of II
Chicago News.
"Why IL AguInaldo like a man who
lives by his witsy II dunno" He
carries his capital with him. Chicago
| Times Herald
| Young Physician When you have q
case which battles you. whom do you
call in? Old Doctor tgruffiy)-The un-
dertaker.-Life.
A"What Is a bachelor, Aunt MarthaT
| TOh, he's man who thinks every girl
that looks at him intends to marry
him. Interchangeable Journal. s~n
Justifiable. She-Don't you think IL
is better 10 marry for love- than for,
money! He-CertainIy- the con-
tracing parties are both wealthy
Chicago News.
Ned-I wonder IL IL amazes a girl
| when a fellow catches her under the
mistletoe. Ted-It must; she always
seems to be rooted to. tive spot.snTown
Topics. s1 aae sLi3 sea axe
Maud-Tell me all about 1t. Mabel
| Well, when it began he was on his
knees Maud--And how did it end2
Mabel-In the end-er-7I was on his
knees.-Town Topics.
what Is your occupation, my good
woman said the examining. attorney
| to the witness for the defendant "OPm
a washer-woman. sorr." Where do
you hang outT-Judge.
Demonstrative time-piece: what a
beautiful hall clockv' exclaimed the
visitor. Eyes," said Mrs. Gaswell; ''it
cost us pile of money. The peujutum
osculates just once every second."-
Chicago Tribune. ,
Her natural rights: Mammal don't
see where you get your red hair; you
don't get it from your papa, and you
certainly don't get II from me. Little
Dorothy-Well. mamma. can't l start
something ?-Puck.
Ralph-Suppose a fellows best girl
gets mad when he asks for kiss!
Curtis-Take it without asking. Ralph
Suppose she gets mad then? Curtis
Then he's got some other fellows
| girl.-Harlem Life.
Country Doctor catechising)-Now,
little boy, what must we all do in order
to enter heaven? Boy-Die. Country
Doctor--Quite right-but what must we
all do before we die? Boy-Get sick
and send for you.--Judge.
The doctor prescribes: Jimson--DOc-
tor, am getting too stout for comfort,
and l want your advice. Doctor: Moth
ing reduces flesh like worry; spend two
hours day thinking of the unpaid
bill you owe me.-TitBits.
Mrs. Lash--What did you get baby
for birthday present? Mrs. Rash-I
took four dollars and ninety-nine cents
out of the little darling's bank and
bought him this lovely lamp for the
drawing room.-Boston Beacon.
Football--Mrs. Newcome Cher first
game)-Oh! isn't it awful? Horrible!
Why, they will kill that man under
meath, Her Daughter ian enthusiast
Oh! he doesn't mind it, mother; he's
unconscious by this time!-Puck.
Mrs. Kelly q a. INFLOW could yez
get droonk widout a clint in your peck
ct? Mr.. Kelly-Whoi, Rooney was talk
in war, Casey was talkin' politics, and
Hogan was talkin' baby! All hod to
do was to kape me mouth shut.-Puck.
This is murder.' cried the enemy.
as the captain of marines opened with
the ships machine guns from the top
of the hill mo. only salt and bat
terri" we shouted back at them, thus
deftIy adding insult to injury.-Detroit
journal.
"Jaysmth fairly worships his wife,"
said Fosdick, land yet he won't give
her enough money to dress herself
properly 1T isn't always the most
devout worshiper that puts the most
money on the collection-plate," replied
Keedick.-Town Topics.
Inquiring Child-Father, there's lot
| in this book about Othello. Who was
Othello? Fathcr-Othello! Why, bless
me, my boy, do you mean to tell me
you go to Sunday school, and don't
know n simple thing like that? I'm
ashamed of you!-rit Bits.
Parson New-Yo' expects me to move
heah an preach foh yo' widout salary!
How does | lib? Deacon Snow--W'y,
yo' gifts youah libbin' de same as de
rest OBJ us; but bein' er preachah de
fingah of susplshun doan nebbah point
In youah direckshun.-Jud
Canvasser-"I have here a work"
Master of the House-''I can't read"
Canvasser-"Bu your children
Master Of the House-''I have no chill
dren' (triumphantly), nothing but
cat" Canvasser-- Well. you want
something to throw at the cat" He
took the book.-Tit- Bits.
'Who is your fayorite author!" In
quired the young woman who is col
lecting autographs. Il don't know
what his name is replied Aguinaldo;
hut the man who wrote He who
| fights and runs away may live to fight
another day certainly knew his bust
ss."-Washington Star
'sGiye me some familiar proverb
about BIRDS" said the tehcher. Tommy
Tucker raised his hand. "The early
bird" He paused moment, and
tried 1t again. ''rhe early bird"
Yes" said the teacher. encouragingly;
that's right" The early bird gathers
no-moss. Chicago Tribune.
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