The Savannah morning news., 1900-06-18
LITTLE CONVENTION STORIES.
Things Republican Delegates Are
Betting Each other.


Press. he has his moments of re.aXat.on.
He must stop now and then from nursing
some other fellows boom and take time to
smooth out the wrinkles in his own po-
litically-ruffied head And when he does
this he'll tell you a story--or his troubles
or the trouble of the world in general.
Delegate MaItz Cites n Case.
Don't ask me who my choice for Vice
President is" said Delegate Maltz of
Michigan-"because, to tell you the truth,
haven't decided yet. Which reminds me
of a little incident at the convention at st.
Louis four years ago. There were six COL
ored delegates standing in the hall, aud
said to one of them: Who are you for"
We'll he said, scratching his head,
some of US are for Morton, some for Nc
Kinley-and some for sale. Any sug
gestions to make?'
Which is proof" he concluded, grmly
how quickly and naturally your average
colored man takes to politics"
The Tale of the Clever Canine.
Somebody asked me-" said John S.
Wise of New YORK, Somebody asked me
what was the matter with Quigg. And L
told them 1 didn't know as anything was
the matter with the man, except that he
always had habit of letting people know
he was around. You see, in that particu-
lar, he's exactly like a dog l had down
in Mississippi. The dog was given 10 me
by friend, who said he was good bird
dog, which he wasn't. In fact, he wasn't
good for a blessed thing except to st in
the sun. Whenever strangers would call
the dog would try to make them notice
him. He'd do all sorts OF things to at
tract attention, but if the strangers failed
TO oeStow attention on him that dog had
an unfailing recipe. He'd walk calmly
down to the pond, get soaking wet, and
then proceed to shake himself all oyer the
unobserving man. Of course, what the
man then said wouldn't fit in respectable
story-but the dog was noticed, which was
the object in view.
DO you see the iimile?"
The Advantages of n Front Name.
Say" began Col. Tom Baker the
United States marshal, from the Western
district of Tennessee-"lo you know that
handling a man with kid gloves is The
very worst way to get anything out of
him? Yes, sir, it's the very worst way,
and I'm politician enough to know what
IN talking about. I went up to Mr.. Joe
Manley last night, and approaching him
with good deal of trepidation, l said:
Col. Manley I'd like to talk to yo on
our Tennessee squabble. You see. Colo
mel L and he brushed away abru lily,
saying: l haven't time to talk on squab-
bles.'
well it hurt me-hurt like the ms
chief, being treated so CURLY, even though
I'd never seen the man before And Sd
this morning, as soon as I Spied him, Up
goes and linking my arm in his, 1 said:
Say. Joe, 1 want to talk to you. l want
to talk to you. Joe, about our Tennessee
affair. l know, Joe, that you can advise
me, and we'll sit right here, Joe, aad
talk the matter over
We'll sir, 1 had the most satisfactory
talk under the sun-he was peaches and
cream and milk and honey. l tell you,
the advantages of knowing a mans first
name are tremendous. When l gave him
the Mr.. Marley he was as grumpy as
an oyster-as soon as 1 called him Joe
he was as soft as angel cake"
Patriotic W. Myers, of Texas
Delegate ]. A Myers of Texas is rotund
of body, jolly of face, and wears a fl M
ing red necktie In addition to this he
wears soft SLOUGH hat with an American
flag wound around it, and in all the throng
of big men and little that drift up and
down the Walton corridor, he is the m st
observed For he is the only man who
has seen fit to decorate himself-and he
seems proud of the distinction.
You know Texas is Democratic" he
said. and everybody knows it's Demo-
cratic. And l just put this Ameri an
flag around my hat TO show the people
that all the Republicans aren't dead in
my state-and that I'm one of them, ana
am very much alivei
And Texa is a corking fine state let
me add, and don't you let any enc for
get itr'
Senator Thurston Tells n story.
In this vice presidential muddle the
candidates must help themselves" said
Senator Thurston, musingly There's no
use in praying for help-whch reminds
me of the chaplain of our army in the
Mexican War. We had 5000 men, and we
wanted to lick Santa Anna, who had 90
900. The. chaplain looked dubious when
he started his prayer before the battle,
but he waxed eloquent toward the close.
oh, Lord he said we only have 500
men, and Santa Anna has 10000 Thou
canst help US, oh, Lord, if Thou wilt and
we pray You do it, But if You can't
help us, don't, oh. Lord help Santa An
ma, for he's four times stronger than we
are"
Philosophy From Congressman
Gardner.
Funny lot, aren't they?" commented
Congressman Gardner of New Jersey, as
he swept his hand toward the crowd of
delegates. ITS odd. too, isn't it, that all
Americans think they can do all things
political-that somehow or other nature
has fitted them out with intellects Just
fitted for political superiority Every
man in the country, for instance, wants
to be Secretary of Agriculture, but not
one man out of hundred wants TO be a
farmer, so as 20 get the technical knowl-
edge requisite for the higher position
And III wager a silk hat to a penny that
in the throng over there, there isn't one
man but thinks that he would make a bet
ter President than Mckinley has been. 3"
He laughed softly. then said reflective
ly; There's no profession under the sun
that so obliterates modesty as politicsw
Henry Clay Evans and Geography.
You can't tell from the handmade who
is from the South and who from the
West" sad Commissioner Of Pensions
Henry Clay Evans. 'Time was when
you could dinerentiate between the cor
dial grasp of the Southerner and the
breezy, pump-hande shake of the West
erner. But ! can't tell the difference
any more, because the shores of the Pa
citic and the shores of the Atlantic are
getting squeezed closer together.
why, only yesterday delegate told
me that Mckinley was Western mani
Twenty years ago he might have been
classed so, hut now the center of poDu-
laiion is Indianapolis-and that makes
Mckinley an Eastern man. And some day
soon there won't be any North or South
or East or West. and we'll order Presi-
M IN fret bo