The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-11-21

too hard a test. By George, it was in
humanp Cleveland Plain Dealer.
He-"For goodness sake, what are you
signing about?'
She (b6hind the paper)-"Oh, there are
such lovely bargains here in Jones ~
Jones' advertisement, and | can't take adj
vantage Of them"
He-"Bonnets, I SUPPOSED"
She-"No, a complete line of patent
medicines reduced one-half, and there's
not blessed thing the matter with any
of u.s.
4 poor man, locally reputed to be
button OF two short living in an out
ofthe-way village in Worcestershire,
called one day at farmhouse while the
good wife was dishing up huge plate Of
dumplngs.
I'll ber thee penny, missus." said he
that | could eat thy ,dumplings, plate
ard all. for my dinner"
III bet thee penny thee can't" said
the good wife
"I'll bet thee l cam again said Jock.
Then do it, jock said Mistress
Hodge.
Thus hidden, Jock threw his legs under
the table. calmly devoured the contents
said:
"Missus, I'll hev to pay e the penny
after all, for 1 find that / can't eat the
plate. '-Pearson's Weekly.
A friend was once speaking to the late
Bishop Brooks Of q clergyman whose
congregation had begun to feel that it
younger man in the pulpit. Its only
natural" said he, in reply to an indignant
remonstrance from the bishop ''for YOU
see he's on the shady side of Co. '"The
shady side!' retorted the bishop, with a
smile: why: you mean the sunny side.
Surely, it's the side nearest glory
Mr.. Suhurb-''What on earth are you
trying to do, neighbour"
MIR. Nextdoor-"M Merely taking down a
little of the paling, so that l can move
..Eh. My yard?'
''Yes. | like to be neighborly and CON
siderate of other peoples feelings, you
know"
Butter"
Eyes, you shan't have any more cause
to complain about my chickens scratching
up your yard"
But you are moving, your whole coop
over on to my property"
That's the idea Quick as the chickens
find their coop in your yard, they'll fancy
that you own them, and will spend the
rest Of their natural lives scratching in
my yard, you know. Tit
Tess-"Mr. Peppery is just hateful!''
What has he been doing to
your
Tess-'He gave me his seat in the car
today, and then, leaning over said: L
beg your pardon. i must be getting hard
of hearing: but you're very welcome -
Philadelphia Press.
You have daughter, nave you not,
slr!' said minister to an old gentleman
with whom he had formed a casual ac-
quaintance as fellow passenger
The old gentleman essayed to answer,
but the question had strangely affected
him.
4 neg your pardon said the minister,
IF | have thoughtlessly awakened in
your mind recollectionS of painful nat
ure; The world is 1ull of sorrow, sir.
and perhaps my, question recalls to your
memory fair, beautiful girl whose bios
soming young life had withered in its
bloom. Am / right sir?"
No, not exactly" replied the old gen
tleman sadly. Il have five unmarried dar-
tiers, mister, an. the youngest of the lot
is % years old."-Tit-Bits.
-:o:-
Dolly was out for walk and met an
~
old are you, little one?' asked the old
gentleman. But Dolly was indignant.
I'm hardly Old at all; I'm nearly new"
she answered, tossing her head-Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
The lady reporter had been detailed to
procure the names of prominent persons
in attendance at performance of grand
opera.
Il beg your pardon. madam" she said,
approaching one of the occupants of a
private box, but will you oblige me by
giving me your name?"
Mrs. Archibald 10 Neeze,' replied the
lady.
Pardon me-" said the reporter. 81
did not quite catch the last name"
30 Neeze"
May | ask you how to spell it?'
Certainly. J-o-n-e-s, 10 Neeze,'
haughtily answered the occupant of the
box, and the reporter retired to fan her.
SELF.
Clara said mother to her little s.
year-old daughter, who had been spend
ing the day with neighboring playmate,
were you a good girl during your Wis
it!' Il don't know, mamma; | had just
SO much fun that forgot to pay any at
tention to myself. Boston Post.
During the great Chesterfeld's wan
behring's abroad he once rested at an inn
which was kept in any but a neat conGi-
ton. Not only were the rooms untidy,
but even the dishes from which the
guests were expected to eat were dirty.
This was too much for Lord Chester
field. and he soundly rated the waiter.
Everyone must eat his peck of dirt
the latter coolly observed.
True" was the instant retort; 'but
no one is obliged to eat it all at once"
Mrs. Sothing-''I'm afraid you're go
ing to buy a drink with that twopence
| gave YOU"
Bill Bumpers didn't size me
gauge, lady: Twopence don't buy me no
drink. 1t jist gifts me a taste" Modem
Society.
'Yessir," said the returned Klondiker,
zone of my dogs-just common mon
grel-saved my life"
and you were not heartess enough to
sell him, were your they asked
Nav. | ate him. Indianapolis
Press.
An Irishman was wheeling heavy