Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1900-10-20

What for?"
She said many. a man who was all
right on grammar was terribly shaky
On spelling Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Hayrake lin New York restau-
rant)-Hiram tibet fellar thets waitin'
On us is purity obligin': give him one
NY them big red apples yew got in
your valise-Puck.
The Only Complaint-"What kind Of
q climate have you here?'
ITS fine" answered the resident.
The only trouble is that the weather
gets discouraged and quits too soon.
The summers are too short to produce
bananas and pineapples. and the Win
tiers aren't long enough to raise polar
bears. Washington Star.
Sslace. Was the play sad Miss
Bins?" Yes. very; if l hadn't had a
box Of candy with me, I couldn't have
sat through it."-Chieago Record
He Told. Teacher.-"Now. will some
bright little boy tell me what bird is
the most famous in American history?
The-the?" Sammy: Il know, teach
er. The Plymouth Rock rooster Is
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
dinner): My. My, This is a regular
sanquet-worthy of a Delmonico. Fin
est spread I've seen in an age. What's
up? Do you expect company" Wife:
No. but l presume the cook does
New York Weekly.
Bad form. Mrs Highblower-'Don't
forget. my dear that in conversation
the interest must not be allowed to
nag" Clara--"But I'm sure | do my
best mamma" May be SO. But
while the pianist was playing
thought once or twice. that | detected
you listening to him."-Life.
Brisss-"Wonder how Slower is do
ing nowadays" Griggs-"Oh. he must
he doing finely: must be making no
end of money. You know he has al
ways been troubled more or less with
rheumatism. Well, he now calls it
ssut"-Boston Transcript.
One Added see that You have
added TO your collection of golf-sticks
Miss Frocks." said young Mr.. Postle
thwaite. Il do not understand you.
Mr Pastlethwai.e." rejoined Miss
trucks" My collection of golf-sticks
has been complete. 50 far as know"
Perhaps. but 1 saw Choily Goslin on
The course with you this morning. :
Harper'e BaZar.
What's the matter. Bobby"
Ora ma, they's too many folks a
kfin8in' me UP, I'd get along better {
only had you. '-Indianapolis Jour
nsi.
Mrs Qadabout-"That Mrs. Hard
xAad next door doesn't seem to have
NO; I wonder how she manages it
Tit-Bits
Visitor-"Is this an old homestead.
or q modern imitation of an an
ti4uity?" Tenant-"Oh. it's new;
hrand-new The roof leaks in forty
PLACES N. Y. Weekly.
Fair golf player-"Well. I'm the
most unlucky person that ever played
golf. First I struck Mr. Chumply in
the mouth. then the ball struck Mr..
Freshly in the eye. and now I've brok-
en- Mr.. Softly's best stick.-Life.
After ALL" said the philosopher
theughtfully. woman is an emotional
uncertain creature. She is not con-
slant even in love" What's that"
Exclaimed the man with the clouded
kfew Not constant in affairs Of the
heart? We'll, just you try to jilt one
snce and see what happens when the
case gets into court. Post.
No" said the melancholy man.
things Amt as they used to be- Times
are changing and for the worse"
What's the trouble?" Il have Just
wren thinking over the past summer:
AS cholera scare no yellow fever scare.
ne ea-serpents. no airships. and only
enc circus. Life is getting to be down
riSht ZONES ONE. Washington Star.
Emily (who has just come down
stairs from a sick room where the
father lies at the point Of death. to
Adother cooking boiled pork)-"Please
mother. father says he would like a
BIT of boiled pork afore e dies" Moth
edo and tell yer father e cant ave
any It's for the funeral Moon
shine.
4 Severe One.-''But isn't there a
penalty If you bride a Custom house
stioer?" asked his friend.
I'm not sur- said the returned
traveller. who, Of course, was speak
ins OF his experiences in Europe: but
know there's penalty if you don't
Puck.
Gave Himself Away .-Blobbs-"Your
friend Biones Is Of the noveau richie.
slabbs-"How did you discover
that?"
Blobts-"I Was out with him III his
automobile this morning. and he kept
continually saying Git up.'-Phila-
delphia Record.
A Inquiry. First Citizen treadine
sapery--"Great robbery reported in
NV York" Second Citizen-"Yes?
oAieiAl or unofficial PUCK.
Net What He Meant Dick Whiting
tshsz" How beautiful you are and how
ht.aSly she is" All. but Sadie has
brAins." Still. | would rather be
yen Life
Recognized 1t. SO that's your lit
tie yatne, is ito" said the guest at the
restaurant to the waiter who had
wrought him English sparro~s FOX reed
sirSS.-Chioago Tribune.
Modest Man. Braegs: What? Miss
fotnaaz? No. shes NOT for me-. She
told me tho other day that the man
she narries must he handsome rather
than wealthy" Briggs: "Weli. you're
Certainly not wealthy, but Braggs: