West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1900-06-14
POSSUM PARTY
POLITICS.
The Thrilling Oration OF Calouel Hold
back Thompson Proved 20 be Cem-
piete Failure.

| 81 sardine box as Colonel Holdback
X Thompson made his appearance on
the platform to deliver an Grafton that had
been advertised all the week as San Epi-
eurian Flight of Modern Cicero" Brother
Gardner introduced the colonel as from
Florida and explained that during the
winter he was head waiter at one Of the bip
hotels. In summer, when his hotel was
closed, he lent his oratory to the service of
his country and upon this occasion had been
promised s. in cash aud liner duster. The
colonel sized up as tall, thin. anxious look.
ING man, With an extra long neck, and
stately bow, and the audience was requested
IN advan-e not to break any lamps or smash
any windows in giving expression to emo
ton After bowing right and left and plac-
ing his ancient plug hat on the floor at his
feet the colonel wiped his brow on an
American flag and suddenly began.
''Citizens of de United States, why dis
turmoil Why dis excitement Why dis
gatherin' of men on dc street co'ners TO talk
wild bated breff an call each odder liars an
hoss thieves an bigots DE answer am a,
hand. DE wheels of time has relied around
another presidenshual campaign, an de sap
of polytieks am beginnin' to rise in mems
souls. Oar was a time, and not so VERY
long ago. when yo had muffin TO say and
muffin to do wild de issues of a campaipn.
but 1t may be in yo'r hands dis fall to de.
eide de fate of dis great nashun. First gi.
gan'ie outburst of appalling en,husiasm.)
Am yo' ready fur de comm struggle
de campaign hain't opened yit, but yo' can
hear de tread Of de mighty armies as dey
gather fur battle. II am gwine TO be sich a
struggle as once shook de walls of Rome
and made de Tiber run red wild de blood of
ten thousand men. (wild cheers for the
riber and for bloody Dat struggle will call
FUR patriotism an'sacrifces, an II will end up
only when Varchew, Truth and Innocence
stand triumphant on de battlements of in
tegrily (Yells for Innocence, the colonel,
patriotism and all the rest)
"Dar may be some heah who am not used
TO folierin' de epieurean flights Of oratory,
an fur deir benefit will add dat de indiyidu-
ality of de advisabiity am de most clamit
Gus confagrashun of dis disastrous continu.
iy' Tremendous applause, with four
panes of glass smashed out of an aiiey
window.)
"fa'riots OF glorious republic, de gineral
situation which we must confront is one TO
apPall de .stoutest heart. As l stand heah
and gaze ober de barbed wire fence da,
separates de present from dc fucher INV
blood runs cold. (Shivers all over the hall
IL am pictur to make me groan in de.
spair. On dis side of de fence am limo
cence, clothed in her white robe an peace.
fully plantiu' her cowcumber patch. On de
odder side am Vice, dressed up in swaIler-
tailed coat an holdin' razor in either hand
an thurstin fur de blood of a nashun.
(Eroans, sighs aud cheers all shaken up
together.) Innocence am strollin' along.
unsuspicious of danger, while Vice am
waitin to glib her sich swipe wild one of
dem razors as will leave her headless
corpse. Successive shudders) DO yo'
see de PARALLEL Do yo' perceive de obesity
OF de pomposity. An do yo' remark de
eonsanguiniiy of de eminent percolosity
II yo' do, it may not he too late. II yo'
don't, den may heaven help de reflex of de
Jurisprudence (Deafening and long con
unued applause, during which another win
dow was shatered.D
II ar lStenin' to de east, de norf. de
south an de west, an I'm hearin' de tramn.
tramp, tramp Of millyuns of men. Oar
comes fioaiin' up TO me on de eavenin'
breeze de voices Of an army, an, peerin'
ffew de darkness, kin see de Iipplin' of
banners and de wavin' of flags. (Sensa,ion
and cold chills.) II am not an army alone.
but dozea DER feet am shakin' a con
iinent as dey march. DE sound of der
drums ann film de ears Of nashun. DE
rustic of der banners am like mighty wind
s" eePin' down a mighty mountain TO uproot
trees which hev stood the gales of thous.
and Vars. (Deathlke silence, with eyes
rolling toward the ceiing.)
''An' what does desc sights an sounds
mean, my fen's ? Dey mean dat the fifteen
millyun electors of de United Stats bev
gathered into regiments an brieades an
armies to do battle fur principle. II means
dat right heah on de sile soaked wild dc
blood Of our fo'fathers dar am gwine 10 be
sieh battle between Integrity and Dis.
honor as will make de faces of men turn
pale efar TO de uttermosf parts Of de airth.
Gigantic applsuse.) II means dat de
multiplicity Of de impetuosity has got to
eventuate in permanent determination Of
de ingenuosity an dat yo' will he called
upon 20 De last man 10 maintain de inform.
sliiy Of de materiated nonconformity. tOu,-
burst which tipped shingles off the roof.
tore up the floor and lifted one end Of the
hall a foot high. Il was FIVE minutes before
the speaker could resuue)
''Yes, it am goin to be a battle to decide
whether Innocence or Vice shall rule dis
kintry. II am gwine 70 be III between
fathers, sons and brothers. n will be nav
bur sg'in naybur. (shudden and siehs ,
When Il am ober, de dead will strew de
ground like autumn leaves, an de sight Of
blood will he red upon De land bev
come thousand miles to talk to yo', but it
am useless to az 20 as members Of dc Pos
sum party whar 20 stand. Yo' cheers hev
answered dat queshen Yo' hev taken de
side Of Integrity and Innocence. Repeated
eheers.) Yo' hev gathered yo'rselfs into a
legion, an wid drums bea,n' an flags ayin'
yo' will march fo'th 10 offer up yo' lives on
dc altar Of yo'r kintry Applause that
would have been gigantic but for general
hosrseness.) say 10 20. march fo'th with
stout hearts an fazors sharpened for de
fray, an bid yo' 6ght on tn dc victory