The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-11-28
SMART SHORT STORIES.

William Penn was once advising man
to leave off his habit of drinking to eX-
cess says the Argonaut. Can you tell
me how to do it?" said the slave of the
appetite. YES answered Penn; 1T is
just as easy as to open thy hand,
friend Convince me Of that, and
will promise upon my honor to do as
you tell me- ''Well, my friend" said
the great Quaker, when thou findest
any vessel of Intoxicating liquor in thy
hand, open the hand that grasps it, be-
fore it reaches thy mouth, and thou wilt
never be drunk again,
The following unique claim is posted
on a mine in the Grand Encampment, IN
Wyoming: I'VE found it, and we claim
it by the right of founding it. It's our'n
It's $50 feet in every direction except
southwest and northwest, and there is
800 feet on each side of this writin' It's
called the Bay Horse, and we claim
even the spurs, and we don't want no.
body jumping on this Bay Horse-that's
what's these trees is around here for,
and we've got the same piece of rope
that we had down in old Missouri"
Tim Murphy, the popular comedian,
saw an old colored woman sitting under
an awning tanning herself, when he was
in Washington, D. c., this summer.
Its dreadfully hot, isn't it, mammy?'
asked Mr.. Murphy. Deed 1t is, chile
said the old woman" deed 1t is. "Tain't
right for it to be so hot this-a-way. 1
tell you, forty years ago, when the
blessed Lawd made the weather, We did
MT have these stewing days, honey, no,
deed, we didn't; but now these biggety
men up at this here weather office
has the making of the weather, they does
send US anything they please, and they
-.1-sII 4@1r4I Pol
Robert Browning and Joachim met one
evening at a friendly gathering in Lon
don. The violinist had Obliged with
out satisfying certain ladies, who en-
treated the poet to obtain from him an
other solo. Browning, feeling the deli
cacy of his task, discharged it LLplo-
matically, and spoke, as sometimes he
wrote, SO as to conceal his thoughts;
while the violinist, not understanding,
bowed and smiled, and did not play.
AS they left the house, Joachim asked,
what did you mean just now?" "Oh,
said the poet, 81 wanted you to give US
some more music" ''Then why did you
not come and say, Joe, old boy, give Us
another tune? " returned the amiabIe
violinist.
A guide was showing an American
traveller about st. Paups Cathedral Lon
don, the other day, and pointed all the
tombs of interest. THAT, sir" said he,
chs the tomb of the greatest naval zero
Europe or the world never knew-Lord
Nelson's. This marble sarcoughogus
weighs forty-two tone. Hinside
that his steel recepticle
weighin twelve tons, and him
side that is leaden casket, 'ermeti-
cally sealed, weighing over two tons
Hinside that is a mahogany coffin, hold
ing the ashes Of the great 'ero.' well"
replied the American, after meditating a
bit, 81 guess you've got him all right
If ever he gets out of that, cable me in
full at my expense"
Bishop Brooks, of Boston, and a friend
were one day coming out of a church
where John La Fargo, the noted artist,
was decorating q great window. The
friend walked toward a handsome coupe
that was standing In the rain, and said:
81 suppose this is your carriage, bishop?"
Dear me, no. said the bishop, always
walk. That's livery carriage waiting
for La Fargo" But La Fargo" said
the friend has been working in the
church all day, and will contiue to work
until night" 'I know said the bishop
his whimsical smile drawing the corner
of his mouth, "but La Fargo can never
work very well unless he knows he's
keeping carriage waiting for him some
where