West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1900-03-22

r'N - N''N hAfN'f "hN mAhlnk an Gslnl0tC OF
the number of hoof holes in every ten wards
of the frozen mud, became aware that the
coffee strainer above my mouth was aceun,u-
lating varied assortment of pendent jewelry.
Never caring much for iewelry anyway,
went into a store NO, less than ten miles and
not more than one mile from the river bridge.
stood by the stove and the stove did the
rest,
Among the men who were holding down
the chairs aud benches were two whom
shall call Bldad aud Zebub They did
most of the talking, but after being given
sled ride, warm dinner aud half peck of
apples, could no, afford to give them away.
They are among or prominent citizens
aud as they are said to be strictly reliable,
have no hesitation in reporting their conver-
saiion just as 1t took place. | was telling
some of their talk to man here m town,
and he said they were liars from the ground
up tho, he wouldn't believe them II he saw
them standing on lump of ice. AID deelor.
ing square up and down that the ice was
cold As don't like to hear people SANDER
ed, have thought the best plan is to relate
just what they said, aud then the reader can
see for himself or herself that they know
what the truth is and handle il with great
respect.
"Iebe, " said Bildad, "you remember
had the typhoid fever last summer, and that
my hair came OFF ill my whole head was as
bare as the inside Of my hand. Well, saw
the hair wasn't going To come again without
some encouragement, and so went up TO
town and got DIR. Pratt TO fix me up some
hair tonic. put on an application, and
don't you think the very next morning the
hair was half an inch long. didn't use
but two more applications, and you sec the
result. The hair on my head now would
hll half bushel measure. | have to 90 to
Turnipheod's every other day to get him to
shingle IL. had thought of moving up TO
kingwood, and see now tn I the Doctor
was putting up job on me- lie wanted to
bring some more business to the barber shop.
80 had to back out and stay on the farm
Why, 20 cents haircut, and ISS haircuts a
year No, stree. I'll sponge on Cy for
harcuttng till the cows come home, before
III be broken up in that way. Its worse
than The internal revenue tax In the spring
I'm going to move into some town where
there is lot of building going on, and sell
my hair to the plastcrers. I'll get even
with the Doc that way, and don't you forget
it,"
''Bldad, &" said the storekeeper, "you arc
getting TO be the biggest liar in the county.
You go down to Cy's shop to loaf, and get
to monkeying with his shears till you imag-
inc he is shngling your hair After a while
you will get to saying you wear clipping
machine on your head, and have it run by
clockwork all the time so as to keep your
hair within bounds"
''You won't believe what you can see,
will you ?" retorted Bidad. "why. drop.
ped some OF the tonic on the floor, and the
hair grew so that it wa bother for my
wife TO sweep there, and had to have the
board taken out"
"And then, Bildad,' said Zebub, "you
remember the powerful bad spell Of rheuma.
tiz had last November II took me whea
was sitting in a chair. and crooked me up
till my legs and arms were twisted all around
the chair I'LL couldn't get loose from it.
had to walk around two days with that
chair sticking to me-"
GLOW could you walk" inquired the
siorckeepcr, "if your legs we're wound all
round the chair legs like grapevine round
tree p
'Thafs the chairs business" growled
Iebe. " ONE people won't believe nothing.
As was going on to say, there was SO much
Inflammation in my feet that ! kept them in
bucket Of water ali the time, and It made
the water boil hsd to turn in more water
every fifteen minutes, and il kept the room
as full Of steam as though Il was washing
day. So sent for the Magnetic Healer 10
lay his hands on me, and that Strengthened
me out in no time"
"Your trouble" said the siorekecpcr,
was nothing but laziness. n your wife had
laid her broomsliok on you, il would have
done just as we'll"
"Thars all the sympathy one gets for tell
ing his ailments" said Zcbe. "Bu, to
change The subject, I was talking the other
day with some boys that went out 10 the
| Philippines. Bob was telling Of the snakes
IN that country. lie had pet boa constric-
tor twenty-five feet long and four inches
thick. lie used to wind it round his arm.
Sometimes he carried IL in his overcost pock-
ct and sometimes IN a basket"
'H'm," muucred the storekeeper "1Iow
about b s arm Did that stretch out like
a garter snakes mouth when he is swallow.
ing a toad And can't you see such a
snake would on pork barre2 And
wouldn't Il weigh just as much ? And then
what business had he with an overcoat in
that hot country Better get that Bob to
smooth out the wrinkles in his yarn little
Bit"
DONE mind that fellow, Zebc," said
Bildad. "1Ie's 60, the stomach ache aud
can't tell the truth when he sees &c."
"lIc was on mountain" said Zebe.
That's why he bad fhc ovcfcoat on. But
then Il gels powerful hot there sometimes.
lie saw The thermometer I4o degrees in the
shade and they flied gdddle cakes on The
brick Placements But then they didn't
mind the heat much The air was 50 dry.
Beef hung oet in the sir didn't spoil; il
would bro.l as well ss On stove If turned
round once in whsle
"Dfy air. ch 2' inquired Spudgc. the
siorekceper "liow about the air in the
rainy scaso0
'ffne rains are cold; Just cool enough to
make the air comfortable"