The Neihart herald. [volume] (Neihart, Mont.) 1890-1901, 1900-12-22
HAlaEaZEM.

ley has" Eyes. He used to be the
iron-jawed man in a circus."-Wash-
ington Star.
They're going to run the new hotel
on the European plan." Heavens!
l hope the plan doesn't include tlps!"-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"Er-I want some sort of a present
Cor a young lady" Sweetheart or sis
teri" "Er-why-she hasn't said which
she will be yet."-Pittsburg Dispatch.
Resort Hotelkeeper-Any guests in
this evenings train? Bus Driver-No-
body to speak of. Only a single trunk
woman and a grip g~ent.-Boston Tran
script.
Snarley-What's self-esteem? Vow
It's something we all hate to see In
some n else, but which is a virtue If
we possess it ourselves.-Syracuse
Herald.
What is an OPTIMISM" asked the lad.
AN optlmist," answered Mr.. Brykins,
as he took a dyspepsia tablet, sis in
most cases a COMPOUNDED prevaricator."
washington star.
Edith (coyly)-What Is it the poet
says about a young mans fancies" in
the spring? Backward Lover-Why-
er-really-l-er-leave all that to me
tailor, We know!-Puck.
"You seem to be very much interest
ed In b a couple In the middle of the
floor" Yes; you look at them and see
If you can figure out which it is that
can't dance."-Chicago Record.
Hicks-The easy writer's have a deal
to say about "the dead of night" When
Is that, l wonder? Wicks-The dead Of
night, l suppose, is when everybody Is
buried In slumber.-Boston Transcript.
Even the general that never wins a
battle can beat sometimes" remarked
Beechwood. what are you driving
att" asked Homewood. HE can beat
a MISUNDERSTANDING Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
What did Aunt Minerva say about
the shirt-waist manT" "She said now
be had to keep his belt in the right
place all the time he'd find out he
wasn't any smarter than woman."-ln-
dianapolis Journal.
amelia, whena letter came from you
while you were away | did not read it
for a day at least" what was that
for, Edgar?" Don't you see? saved
one days interest on the money you
asked for."-Chicago Record.
Language" quoted Willie Wishing
ton, was given for the c~oncealment of
thought" Indeed" rejoined Miss
Cayenne languidly. Permit me to con-
graduate you on being SO perfect a
master of Observation-Disclosures Star.
did you have any words with your
mistress which caused you to leave
your last placer" "Niver a word.
Shure an OF locked her In the bath
room and TUX me things and slipped
out as quiet as yez plase."-Harper's
Bazaar.
"William, q poor man came along
and asked for a hat" What did you
dor" Il gave him your Sunday hat"
What on earth did you do that for?"
"Well, + knew you would need your
old one to wear when you go fishing
Chicago Record.
PA" asked little Willie, show long
Is a 'decade?'" THAT depends, my
son. In the census department a dec
ade meal ten years, but to the women
who hand their ages In to the census
man it means anything from 0 to 1872
Philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Henpeck-The doctor says l alb
solutely must go away next week for a
rest. Mrs. Henpeck-Goodness! l can't
possibly manage to get away to go
with you then. Mr.. Henpeck-Um-m!
l guess the doctor must have known
that.-Philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Gump Ito teacher)-No, l don't
want you to teach my son any gram
mar. Not a bit of it. Teacher-But-
but-this is unsual, sir. May | inquire
your reasons? Mr.. Gump-I intend
that he shall be a writer of popular
songs.-BaltimOre American.
A Good Scheme.-Tourist-Do those
scarecrows save your crops? Farmer
They work first rate. You see, every
tramp that comes along crosses the
fields to see If tn clothes is with steal
In, w'ch they amt, an that scares the
crows away.-New York Weekly.
The Seaman-Have you ever been on
a battleship when she clears for ac-
ton? The Landsman-No. WELL, it
is the most thrilling and impressive
moment you IA conceive" "Oh, l
don't know. Have you yer seen a golf
club champion get ready to We? "-
Life.
Blanche-Was Mrs. Gewgaw's gar
den party a "wipe-off affair? Lillian
end party. Blanche-A 'tag-end" par
ty? Lilian-Yes; a lot of people who
were invited only because a lot of other
people wouldn't come."-Indianapolis
Journal.
Strategy.-'That fellow Bumbleton is
a deep one" what has he been do
lng?" why, he got the new boarder
into a brisk controversy with the land
lady over the reasons for woman's men,
tai inferiority, and under cover Of 1t he
sneaked a second piece of h~uckleberry
pie."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A Frenchwoman of great personal
charm visiting New York family
and was being entertained at a roof
garden. In an interlude by the orches-
ira she turned to her host and asked
what the musicians were playing. I'D