Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-06-23
A PRACTICAL JOKER CURED

One Of the most Notorious practical jok-
ers in the tribe of commercial travellers had
| a rough journey Of 1t from Washington to
| Chicago not long ago. He Is a diamond
salesman. and the unique Jobs he has been
| putting up on his friends Of the road dur
| Ing the past twenty years and more are
often told about in the progress Of the
| smoking reunions and Conversations
among the knights of the grip. A few
| weeks ago he met three old-timers in diff
| ferent lines. in Washington, and he found
| that they were all bound for Chicago. as
he was. SO they started together. His
| three companions got together before the
| start and studied out ways and means
| whereby they could make the practical
| joker's trip with them joyous and unusual.
| They all left on an afternoon train. to
| which two sleepers were attached. TWO OF
the drummers had berths In one car, and
| tho other two in the second. When night
| drew on. the three took advantage OF the
temporary absence of the practical joker to
herd the two porters of the sieepers UP In
| a corner and say things to them.
This man we're with" the spokesman
| said to the two porters, us In bad health,
| and his mind has become somewhat affect
| ed. We are taking him to a sanitarium In
| Chicago for treatment. We've been watch
| ing him pretty closely for some days now,
| and we're all more or less tuckered out.
| so that we want to get in good night
| Stecp. MS IIloIlu Oh OURS WhoS0 hcdo q
| bit wrong isn't violent at ALL so long as
| he takes his medicine every half hour. day
and night. If he misses his medicine, how
ever, he's liable to do some injury to him
self and to others around him. we want
you two porters to take turns waking him
up for his medicine every half hour. Here s
| the medicine" and the spokesman handed
one of the porters bottle of back de-
cocton that looked like ink. And here's
| a s. note that you can split up between
| you for waking him up for his medicine.
Well attend to him up to the time he goes
| to bed. but you two want to wake him
every half hour during the night and tell
| him quietly. but firmly that It's time for
| him to take his medicine. He may kick
| and cuss and tear and rear around. but
never you mind that. He doesn't know
responsible for what he says or does. Now,
| have you got that all DOWN."
"Yessuh.' said the two grinning porters.
and the job was arranged. The practical
joker returned shortly afterward and Joined
| the three blissful!y unconscious Of the
| scheme that had been cooked up on him.
| He was the first to begin to stretch and
yawn and announce that he guessed he'd
| turn in. and then the party broke up, each
| man making for his berth.
| The man who had been putting up practi-
| cal jokes on his friends during the greater
part of his life was pretty tired and sleepy.
! and not more than two minutes after he'd
| turned In the shores which proceeded from
| his berth showed that he was in the land
| of dreams. His three friends hadn't gone to
| bed at all, however. They assembled again
| in the smoking compartment after the prac-
| teal joker had gone to bed and about forty
| minutes later they saw the porter of the
| car march up to the practical joker's berth.
yank aside the curtains and poke the man
| inside.
| Hey. boss. It's dun time TO yo' leet'l
| dose" said the porter. punching the VIC
| tim awake and handing him the back bot
| tie.
| The three friends could only hear some in
| distinct growls coming from the berth Of
| the awakened man. and then they saw the
porter poke him again.
| 'YesSuh, now's de time To- yo' medicine.
| suh." the porter said again. and then the
three who We're peering out of the door of
| the smoking compartment heard some gen.
| timely warm language from the berth of
| the man whose slumbers had been broken.
| A few moments later the porter entered
| the smoking compartment and announced
| to the three that he'd duly handed the crazy
| man his bottle of medicine.
That's good Nose. and you want to see
| that he gets good and awake every half
hour during the night. too said the man
| who had fixed up the job. Don't just let
| til he's broad awake. don't want any
| thing to happen around here, but that
| mans liable to do something fierce If he
| doesn't take that quieting stuff every half
hour
The porter promised that either he or his
partner in the otner car would attend to
| the waking-up stunt regularly every half
hour, and the three We mt to bed themselves.
blithely happy in the hope and belief that
| the practical joker would actually be upon
the brink Of madness by daylight.
| The practical Joker was rudely Jared
| awake about six times and told that his
Notwithstanding time had come around
before he tumbled to the fact the porter
| wasn't really making a mistake as to the
! berth Of an invalid. and when he reached
| the conclusion that his friends were at the
| bottom of the job he promptly got mad. as
| ell practical jokers do when they them
| selves are victimized. He waited until the
| porter came around the next time and then
! he SHOT his fist out squarely for the black
| mans jaw. The blow didn't quite reach,
| but 1t gave the porter such a scare that
| he let out yell. and then the other porter
| and the conductor of the car rushed in to
| see what the trouble was. By this time the
practical joker was struggling in the aisle
| with the porter who had awakened him.
| and the porter was yelling. and the men in
| the othsr berths-fortunatel there were no
| women in the car-had their heads stuck
out of the curtains and for about four min
utes there was all kinds of pandemonlum
| In the sleeping car. The conductor took the
| word of the two porters that the man who
| vas doing the struggling ard hitting out
| right and left was crazy. and he took a
| hand in subduing the diamond drummer.
| When the three friends Of the victim APP
| Pc AIRED in the aisle. showing evidences OF
| having dressed hastily. the diamond drum
mer was being sat on by two large. husky
| porters. and the conductor was digging
! around for some pieces of rope wherewith
| to tie the ''madman's" hands. The diamond
| drummer frothed at the mouth In impoteat
| fury when he his three grinnng friends
| at the door, and shook his fists at them.
| and after while the three soiemnly told
| the porters that they could take care OF
| their friend from then on, whereupon the
| porters let him up and the conductor
| stopped looking for rope to tie him hand
| and foot.
| The diamond drummer abused them until
| he was black in the face. while they stood
| by with innocent countenances and told
| him how sadly he was wrongng them, and
then he awled into his berth to fume and
| toss for the remainder of the night One
| of the three, who was back in Washington
| the other day. said that the diamond drum
| mer had declined to have any commerce
| with the three of them or even to recog-
niZe them during their stay in Chicago
! There Is one practical joker who is prob
| ably cured Of his id!otic propensity.
Lincoln Preferred to Walk.