davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1900-11-14

BroOklin Eagle: Teacher: Who is it
that sits idly by, doing nothing, while
every one else is working?" Bobby:
F'The teacher"
Baltimore american: Teacher
'Jonnie, what happened to Samson
after Delilah cut his hair?" Jonnie:
''He got fired from the football team" "
Chicago: Record: ''Our house isn't
so crowded after house cleaning is
over" ''Why Is that?" "When my
wife makes me help, manage to break
few things"
Der Floh: Judge: "How old are you
MADAME" '1-I am-that is, r.
Judge: "Out with it, the longer you
wait, the older you grow"
Punch: Little wife: ''Now, Fred,
dear, /, IN ready" Lazy husband: 81 m
awfully sorry. dear; but must stay in
as I'm expecting a friend every min
ute." Little wife: ga friend every
minute! What a crowd you'll have
by the end of the dayl'
Philadelphia Press: Punter: eyes,
Ruseam is a good, hard tackler but he
always grabs his man around the
waist" Tuchback: Eyes, that's the
fa1lt of his summer training. He spent
his vacation at a seaside resort, you
know and was almost the only maj
there"
Chicago TriJonc: "What a larg,
and elegant crowd you had at you
wedding, dear" Didn't I? They
were our very bc-. people, too" "By
the way, who was that tall, fne-look
ing man with the blonde moustache?'
''Oh, he was the detective papa hiret
to see that nobody carried away any o
the costly presents.
Smyrna times., 1900-11-14

Don NJ. Dickinson is authority for the
statement that within three weeks a
meeting will be held in New York
Cityto outline plan of reorganization
for the Democratic party. He says
the call for the meeting will have the
signatures of prominent Democrats,
The meeting, Mr.. Dickinson saws
will be attended by Democrats o.
both gold and silver leanings.
Smyrna times., 1900-11-14
Powers of Endurance.

when my grandfather was a young
man." said the boy with a snub nose,
"he could run ten miles without stop
pin"
Il heard my grandfather make a
prayer 25 minutes long once at pray
er meetin," responded the boy with the
dirty face, "an 1t didn't feaze him.
Chicago Tribune.
Smyrna times., 1900-11-14
SMYRNA DIRECTORY.
TOWN OFFICIALS

TOWN OFFICIALS.
President of Couneil-James C. Robinson.
Secretary of Council-Henry s. Anthony.
Town Treasu5er-Ezekial V. Cooper.
Clerk of Council-Samuel ]. Reynolds.
Alderman-Eugcne Grow.
Chief of Police-Joseph H. Garner.
COuncilmen: LIST ward, John Rawley; 2nd
Ward. samuel j. Reynolds; 3rd Ward, Edward q
Walls; 4th WaId, Jos. H. Wright; 9TH Ward
E. Marriott Fowler; 9th Ward, James c. Robinson
and Henry ). Anthony.
Council meets the second and fourth Fridays
in each month.
Smyrna times., 1900-11-14
Boosters.

"D'ye notice onny change since ye
was here before, sorY asked the native
guide at the lakes of Killarney.
"How do you know was never here
before?" asked the American tourist.
Faith, sor, no man ever comes here
thot hasn't been here before. ."-Phlla-
delphia Record.
Smyrna times., 1900-11-14

President-electR Roosevelt is tax
ing a much-needed and well-earned
rest from the strenuous" sort of life
which he has been leading for some
weeks past. When he is fairly recup-
Grated, he may be expected to resume
business by tackling the Tammany
ice Trust.
Smyrna times., 1900-11-14
Feminine Thrift

He-Have you done as asked, Elsie,
and saved some money this month?
She-Oh, yes. spoke to the grocer
and asked him not to send in his bill
Eli next month.-Fliegende Blatter.
Smyrna times., 1900-11-14
BRIGHT AS BUTTONS.

Brooklin Eagle: Teacher: Who is it
that sits idly by, doing nothing, while
every one else is working?" Bobby:
T'The teacher"
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
The Finger Nails.

In days when superstition was more
prevalent than it Is now the shape and
appearance OF the finger nails were
considered TO have reference TO ones
destiny. To learn the message Of the
finger nails 1t was necessary to rub
them over with a compound Of wax
and SCOT and then TO hold them so that
the sunlight fell fully on them. Then
on the horny, transparent substance
certain signs and characters were sup
posed to appear. from which the future
could be interpreted. Persons, too,
having certain kinds OF nails were cred.
tied with the possession Of certain
characteristics. Thus q man with red
and spotted nails was supposed to
have a hot temper, while pale, lead col
ored nails were considered to denote a
melancholy temperament. Narrow nails
were supposed to betray ambition and
a quarrelsome nature, while round
shaped nails were the distinguishing
marks Of lovers Of knowledge and peo-
pie Of liberal sentiment Conceited,
narrow minded and obstinate folk were
supposed to have small nails, indolent
people fleshy nails and those OF gen
tie, retiring nature broad nails.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

Trees and Landowners In Eng1an1.
BY the general laws Of England oak.
ash and elm are "timber' II not youn-
ger than 20 years, or so old that a good
post cannot be cut from them. What
constitutes timber varies slightly ac-
cording to locality. but when tree is
proved To be timber a person who
has only a life interest In the land IL
grows upon cannot cut IL down unless
II be on an estate cultivated solely for
the production OF salable timber" or
unless he hasa special agreement giving
him power to do SO. mere life ten
ant may not even cut down trees which
are not timber" but which would at
the age Of 20 years attain that dignity.
Botanists differ as To the poisonous
nature of yew trees. There are many
instances both OF their poisonous and
their harmless effect when browsed by
horses and cattle, but the partially
dried clippings OF yew are certainly
most dangerous. If a yew tree over
hangs a neighbor's land and his horses
eat the yew without trespassing, the
owner Of the tree is liable to pay for
any injury the horses may sustain. On
the other hand, If the horses or cattle
cannot browse on the tree without put
ting their heads over the fence the
owner of the horses must bear the loss.
for his animals have trespassed.-Lon-
don Answers.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
The Array In the Field.

The layman cannot easily realize the
vast amount of material as to food and
ammunition demanded by an army In
the field. A few facts and figures as
to this may aid TO make IL more tangi
bic. Each man requires, at a mini
mum, three pounds and half Of food
per day. Each animal should have al
least 20 pounds OF food in countries
where grazing is not abundant. If We
take, for purposes Of estimate, only Il
pounds required to supply each animal
leaving five pounds to be gathered from
the country by grazing and otherwise
we assume a quantity that may be con
sidered a minimum.
An army Of 10000 men would re
quire about $4,000 animals for trans
portation of artillery, camp equipment
ammunition, food. hospital and med
ical equipment. There should not bt
less than 10000 cavalry. There should
not be less than 10000 animals avail
able at all times to supply losses. Thl:
makes a total of $4,000 animals TO bt
fed. With this as a basis we see thai
the daily demands would be for the
men ZOO pounds and for the horses
1,350,000 pounds, or an aggregate o!
1,S75,0O0 pounds. This is equal tC
something more than S36 tons per day
Captain Zalinski in Harper's Weekly
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
Mr. Wildey's Candidacy.

The unqualified endorsement given to
Mr.. Wildey's candidacy by the Van
Buren, county republican convention
places him in excellent position in the
race for the republican nomination for
commissioner of the state land office, and
the True Northerner hopes he may be
able to secure the place on the ticket.
AS to his ability for the duties OF
the position, there can be no doubt.
His two terms in the legislature re-
suited in a most creditable record, and
gave him familiarity with state affairs
that would prove valuable in the position
to which he now aspires.
Mr.. Wildey is man of character and
integrity, as well as education and ability,
and should he be successful the people
will be secure from any taint of official
dishonor so Far as he is concerned-and
it behooves the party TO scan very care
fully the public and private records of
the men whom it places on the ticket
this year in Michigan.
Another point in Mr.. Wildey's favor is
that he is practical farmer, living upon
a farm, and that unless he is nominated
there will probably be no representative
of the agricultural classes on the state
ticket this year In view of the pre-emi-
nent importance of the farming interests
in this state, it would seem to us to be
good politics to place the name of a well
known and representative farmer on the
ticket.
Mr.. Wildey's chances look bright,
and Van Buren republicans will do all in
their power to advance his interests.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
The Arabs Little Game.

In The Agricultural Journal Of the
Cape OF Good Hope appears an article
on the vitality Of wheat from Egyptian
mummy cases. 1t is often asserted that
samples Of wheat from the same crop
as that which Joseph stored In Pha-
raoh's granaries has been taken from
mummy wrappings and, when planted,
has grown. This is very likely erro-
neous, as the Arabs have a habit OF
selling TO tourists samples Of grain
which have IN all likelihood come from
the nearest field instead Of from the
stances this mummy grain" has been
corn, and, as corn was not known until
It was brought from America, the
fraud is apparent
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
Other Editors Say:

Speaking of smoke arresters, what was
the matter with Cleveland's last admin
istrationG-Otto (Wyo) Courier.
OF course it is horrible to be a robber,
yet, to be candid, there is one robber that
has been a great blessing to Us as ma
ton: "robber iff."- Clyde (Kan.)
Herald.
The Philadelphia Record says that
Stree silver is dead" In view of the fact
that Mr.. Bryan only left off talking yes
terday, would it not be safer to say free
silver is in a state of suspended anima-
tionG-Seattle Post-Intelligencer.
Since 1897 there has been a general
upward movement in the prices of COM
modities in the United States. This was
the cry of the democratic party in 1896:
"Give us free silver and prices will ad-
vance all along the line" But the re-
publicans killed free silver and prices
went up all the same.-Harrisburg Pa
Telegraph.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
HOW'S ThiSq

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case of Catarrh that cannot be
cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
+. j. CHENEY Il Co., Toledo, o.
We the undersigned, have known +. j
Cheney for the last 10 years, and believe
him perfectly honorable in all business
transactions and financially able to carry
out any obligations made by their firm
West & Truax, wholesale druggist, To
ledo, .. Walding, Kinnan IL Marvin
wholesale druggists, Toledo, O.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internal
ly, acting directly upon the blood and
mucous surfaces of the system, Testi-
monials sent free. Sold by druggists
price Toe.
Halls Family Pills are the best. m
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
Frnir Hi.tori.n. of sexres.

Only 2ta miles southwest Of Paris
Sevres Is well known to tourists. Beau.
tiful porcelain has been manufactured
here since 1756, the royalties and re
publics which followed each other TAX.
ing palms to have each period stamped
ON the back Of every piece made. Ini.
tials Of kings, the date and often the
palace for which the service was de-
signed were placed plainly on the plate
Thus In this silent but most eloquent
way these frail historians indicate the
changeful, brilliant story Of their ma
tive land
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

To the republican electors OF the state o.
Michigan:

Republican State Convention.
To the republican electors OF the state OF
Michigan
The state convention of the repnbli-
cans of Michigan is hereby called To meet
at the Auditorium, in the city OF Grand
Rapids, on Wednesday, the 9th day OF
June, 1900, at 1890 o'clock a. m., for the
purpose of nominating candidatesf for state
offices. and for the transaction of such
other business as may properly come be-
fore the convention.
The delegates from the several counties
In each congressional district are req quest
ed to meet in district caucuses at 9:3o a.
M. on the day of the state convention to
select candidates as follows, to be present
ed TO the state convention for confirma-
ton: One vice president, one assistant
secretary. one member each of the COM
mittees on credentials, permanent organ
ization, order Of business and resolu-
tions, and to transact such other business
as they may deem necessary
In accordance with the resolution OF
1875. each county will be entitled to one
delegate for each 800 of the total vote
cast for governor at the last election mo
yember. 1898, and one additional delegate
for every fraction amounting to 3OO.
Each organized county will be entitled
to at least two delegates. No delegate
will be entitled to seat who does not
reside ia the county he proposes to repre-
sent. The secretary of each county con,
vention is hereby requested and urged
to forward to the chairman of the state
central committee, Holland, Mich, 10y
earliest mail after the delegates to the
state convention shall be chosen, a certi,
fed list of such delegates as are entitled
to seats in the state convention from their
respective counties.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

BERRIEN county people have some
queer ideas concerning Sunday observ-
ance. The county clerk and two deputies
provide marriage licenses for love-sick
sometimes sea-sick) Chicagoans, at the
regular price, of course. The ministers
cut their sermons very short possibly a
good thing in order to rake in the shekels
for tying the couples. A fruit grower
didn't want his strawberries to decay on
the vines, so picked them early Sunday
morning, then drove to town with his
load, shipped the fruit and sanctimoni-
ously went to church, depositing in the
contribution box slip good for one half
the proceeds Of his Sunday fruit ship
ment. What's the matter with Berrienp
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
LADIES ENTERTAINED.
ISABELLA CLUB AT LAwToN ARE IDEAL
HOSTEssES.

Wednesday, June 6, the ladies of the
Isabella club at Lawton entertained a
large number of club women of other
towns, the clubs of Decatur, Dowagiac,
Lawrence, Hartford and Paw Paw being
fortunate in receiving invitations. The
weather was most disagreeable, prevent
ing large number from attending.
Thirty members of the Coterie accepted
the invitation, and on their return were
very enthusiastic over Lawton hospital
ity. The reception was held in the par
lors of the Hotel Giddings.
At one o'clock sumptuous banquet
was served in the town hall. Following
is the
MENU:
Mustard Sandwiches Brown Bread
Veal Loaf Chicken Patties
Salted Almonds
Asparagus Salad Green Peas
Radishes Coffee
Ice Cream Cake assorted
Strawberries.
Covers were laid for $50 guests. The
color scheme in the table decorations
was artistically perfected. Five tables
were spread, each being in different col
or, violet, green, yellow, pink and red be-
ing the colors chosen. The company was
deftly and bountifully served, an orches-
ira of several pieces hidden by bank of
ferns furnishing music during the spread.
Immediately after the dinner, the fol-
lowing excellent program was given by
Lawton talent: ,->
o,ar,o,,o Mrs. Hathaway, Miss Desenberg
Mrs. Dillon, Miss Johnson
kecitatlon--- -----Leota Wiley
Serenade-- ----------------------.- Miss Lawton
Par Dept.
Lady Mountrevor Mrs. E. NJ. Stanton
Lady Norwood Jones' Miss Clara Stern
Juliette- Miss Helena Stern
..------------.----..---.-M Miss Gould
Song Master Francis Lewis
News boys drill
Desenberg
nre, Miss Lawton
Due' --------------- Miss Johnson
Each number was heartily encored,
the "newsboys" drill being worthy of
special mention, as it simply brought
down the house, the "boys" being obliged
to return to the stage the third time.
The stage was, symphony in yellow
and added much to the effect.
After the program, social time was
INDUCED in till train time, renewing old
acquaintances and forming new ones.
The ladies were highly entertained and
all agreed that, in the art of entertaining
their friends, the ladies of the Lawton
Isabella club easily won the banner of
Van Buren, county
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
Glorious News

Comes from DIR. ID. b. Cargile of Wash
ita, |. I. He writes: Electric Bitters
have cured Mrs. Brewer of scrofula, which
had caused her great suffering for years.
Terrible sores would break out on her
head and face, and the best doctors could
give no help, but now her health is ex-
cellent." Eclectric Bitters is the best
purifier known. 1t is the supreme rem
edy for eczema, letter, saltrheum, ulcers
and running sores. Ii stimulates liver,
kidneys and bowels, expels poisons, helps
digestion, builds up the strength. Only
5Oc. Sold by Longwell Bros druggist.
Guaranteed.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

AS the time for the republican state
convention draws near, the prospect
grows better and better for the nomina-
ton of Dexter M. Ferry for governor.
There is no other course so safe for the
welfare of the state-none other so good
politics for The party. Mr.. Ferry is the
ideal candidate this year, considering all
conditions confronting the party and at
tendant on the campaign.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
Republican Congressional Conven

A republican convention for the fourth
congressional district of Michigan is
hereby called to meet at Benton Haroor'
Berrien county, Thursday, June la, l9oO,
at IL o'clock a. M, for the purpose OF
placing in nomination a candidate Tor
member of congress and for the transac-
ton of such other business as may prop
erly come before the convention. The
several counties in the district will be
entitled to the same number of delegates
as in the state nominating convention.
Republican Congressional Committee
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

IT is said on good authority that Chair
man Jones q the national democratic
committee expects to make New York,
Indiana. Michigan and Maryland the
great fighting grounds for the campaign
Of 1900. This will mean another red-hot
campaign in this state-and the repub-
licans will win.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
The Real Puzzle Of Life.

Fidelia-Flavilla. doesn't the great
mystery of our being ill you with awe
and wonder?
Flavilla-Well. to tell you the honest
truth, Fidelia. what to wear bothers
me more than anything else.-Indian-
apolis Journal
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

The republican national convention
convenes at Philadelphia next Tuesday,
June 10. The next president OF the
United States will be nominated-and
William Mckinley will be without oppo-
sition for the honor. There promises to
be lively strife for the vice presidential
nomination.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

Backache should never be neglected.
1t means kidney trouble which, if allow
ed to run too long, may result in Bright s
disease, diabetes or other serious and
often fatal diseases. Foleys Kidney Cure
makes the kidneys well. Take nothing
else. h. b. Long we'll. m
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

"Uncle Aleck. what is q piano reci-
tal?'
"well, one woman pounds the plano,
and all the rest talk."-Detroit Free
Press.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

Worms who don't like Mckinley or
Bryan can vote for Maloney this year;
he's the social-labor party candidate
for president.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

THE republican congressional conven-
tion at Benton Harbor tomorrow will be
merely a ratification meeting for Con-
gresham Hamilton.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

The 80 solid votes of Wayne will be a
great factor in Mr.. Ferry's strength in
the state convention.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

THERE is remarkable unanimity in the
democratic state conventions in ignoring
the 16 to issue.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

The mollan harp was the invention,
It is believed, of Athanasius Kircher,
who lived in the seventeenth century.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13

II the earth is really round, why do
we talk Of its four corners?-Philadel-
phia Times.
The true northerner., 1900-06-13
Another Empty Grave.
Chicago, March 8, 1900.

Warmers Safe Cure Co.,
Gentlemen:-I will be glad to bear testimony to
the value of Warmers Safe Cure for dropsy | want
those afflicted have been to take this life giver
and get well as did.
suffered agony for three years and my life was
despaired Of when one day my doctor said 81 guess
will give you Warmers" Thank God for such a
remedy. 1t brought me health and new life. have
used it pretty regularly for year, but l am we'll to-
day, and had it not been for Warmers Safe Cure l
would have been in my grave
Respectfully,
MRS MELISSA WHITCOMB,
1924 Prairie Ave-, Chicago
Chairman Executive Committee
Illinois Woman's Alliance.
Dropsy the dread symptom advanced Kidney Disease)
The Lamar register., 1900-11-28
]. M. JOHNSTON

See Cal Downing for all kinds Of
draying. Telephone No. g.
Latest in millinery now on display
in Irwin's dry goods and millinery
store.
Prepare for cold weather and get
your underwear, blankets, shoes, etc
at Mclean Bros.
Frozen Creams, the finest choco-
lates in the market at Boyd's up-to-
date Drug Store. Post Office.
Never before has there been brought
to Lamar such an elegant line of silk
shirt waists and kid gloves, as those
now to be seen at Irwin's store.
Stereopticans and views at Boyd's
Drug Store. We sell the the views
at 3 cents each and stereopticans at
7ocents. Do not be swindled by
travelling fakirs. Boyd's up-to date
Drug Store, Post Office.
HERBINE sweetens the breath,
brightens the eyes and clears the com
plexion without the slightest i'll eff.
fects whatever, and ensures the nat
ural bloom of health. Price so cents
[. H. Myers.
Now those Chest Protectors
and Chamois Vests at Boyd's Drug
Store are positively necessary to
everyone who is out of doors.
CONSTANTINE REcoRD-Ellsworth
Plumbstead, Impersonator and Bar
itone, Coming to Lamar Nov. 3O)
gave very pleasing entertainment
at Hahn's opera house last evening.
There was good attendance. Ere.
quent outbursts of applause, and, in
some of his sketches continued
laughter, greeted him during every
number of the program. His sing
ing was greatly appreciated. The
entertainment was the first of a
series under the auspices of the
senior class of the Constantine high
school.
The Lamar register., 1900-11-28
From a weII-known Lecturer.

ALLEGAN, Mich, May II, 1900.
1t gives me great pleasure to com
mend to the public Mr.. Ellsworth
Plumstead, the Impersonator.
He has unlimited resources IN
facial expression, wit, brains etc.
His range is so wide that he will
please any audience, and send them
home with desire to see and hear
him again. 1t is needless to say
that his bill of fare is appetizing and
clean. Francis a. STRoUGH.
Pastor First Presbyter Church.
At NJ. E. Church, Friday, Nov. 30,
7:3O p. IN. General Admission 25c.
The Lamar register., 1900-11-28
Church Services.

BAPTIST CHURcH-We have our
services as usual at the opera house
Oh Sunday. Preaching at ii n. m.
and 7:30 p. IN. Sunday school at
10 a. IN. Prayer meeting Thursday
1870 p. m.
p. A. EUBASK, Pastor.
At the Methodist church next Sun :
day morning Rev. Knuckey will
preach Sunday morning on "The
Character of the Supreme Being"
The evening subject will be "Indi-
vidual Effort" Hymns (all from
Methodist Hymnal) III, 16S, 136-
326, 431, and 316.
CHURCH OF CHRIsT-I begin my
second years work, as pastor of this
church, next Sunday morning. We
shall have preaching every Sunday
during the year, both morning and
evening. Come, and always bring
YOUR Bible. GLOW He Fell from
Grace" is the subject next Lords
day morning. In the evening this
subject will be discussed: Brought
to Christ" You are cordially invit
to attend our services.
CLAY 7. RUNYoN, Pastor.
UNION MEETrNG-The Annual
Union Thanksgiving Services will
be held at the Christian church,