davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1900-12-27
Conundruns.

- 80 NhN'is
Why does a piebald donkey
never pay tollY-Because it's mas
ter pays for it,
Why is coachman like a lover?
because he always desires to
be remembered by his fare.
Why are ripe potatoes in the
ground like thieves?- Because
they want taking up
Why is an eclipse like a man
whipping his boy?-It's a hiding
of the sun.
What is the difference between
an accepted and an unaccepted
lover?--One kisses his misses aud
the other misses his kisses.
When is a cook like strong
swimmer?-When she stems the
currant.
What three acts comprise the
chief business of a woman's life
-Attract contract, detract.
What tongue often hurts and
grieves you without speaking a
word?-Ihe tongue of your shoe.
My first is proposition, my
second a composition and my
whole an acquisitions Fortune.
Why was the sculptor Powers
a great swindlery Because he
chiseled the Greek slaveout of her
clothes.
Why is a cigar-loving man like
a tallow candle?-Because he will
smoke when he is going out.
Why is the executioner like
brief correspondents Because
he drops a line.
What is the difference between
a tube and foolish Dutchman?-
One is a hollow cylinder and the |
other a silly Hollander
What word of three sylables
specifies the time of dance?-At- |
tendance.
When is a conundrum least
like young lady? When it is not .
a miss.
Why is a ploughed field like
feathered game?-B Because it's
part-Ridges.
Why is there never any such
thing as one whole day?-Because
every day begins by breaking.
What game do the waves play
and toss.
What was Joan or Arc made of? |
She was, we have every reason |
to believe, Maid of Orleans.
When is black dog nota black
dog?-When he's a greyhound.
Why are sugar-plums like race
horses?- Because the more you
lick them the faster they go.
Which eat most grass-black
sheep or white?-White, because
there are more Of them.
Why are hot rolls like caterpil-
lars?-Because they make the
butterfly
Why is the polka like bitter
beer?-There are so many hops in
it.
When does dog become larger
and smaller?-When let out at
night and taken in in the morn
ing.
What belongs to yourself, andis
used by your friends more than
by yourself?-Your name.
Why is gun like a jury?- 1t
goes off when discharged.
Why are balloons in the air
ike vagrants?-Because they
nave no visible means of support.
Which is the way to make a
coat last?-Make the vest and
trousers first.
Why is necessity like an ignor-
INT solicitor?- Because it knows
40 law.
Why does a spoon reclining in
I cup of tea resemble a handsome
young LADY, Because it's int tea
resting.
When does a donkey resemble
IN unpaid creditor?- When he
gets nothing in the pound.
How can you get set of teeth
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1900-12-27
NOT All.

Teacher (susplciously)-Who wrote
your composition, johnny?
Johnny-My father.
"What, all of lt?"
'No'm helped m."-Truth.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1900-12-27

Truth Is as impossible to be soiled
by any outward touch as the sunbeam.
Milton.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1900-12-27
COUNTY OFFICERS.

President Judge-Hon s, McC. swope,
Associate Judges-Lemuel Kirk, L eter Ml
ton. .
PrOthon0tary &c,--Frank l.. Lynch
District Attorney B Daniels,
Treasurer --lheo Sipes,
Sherin Daniel Sheets 4I
Deputy sheriff James Rumel
jury Commissioners David Rotz. 81 H
llOckeusmith,
Auditors John s. Harris, ID IL M ~,
lambersOn, 1o
Commissioners X Aiaiot ~ M &
John Fisher
Clerk-Frank Mason. "
nCOrOucr- ~ | N'
County Snrveyor-Ionas LAX -
County superintendent Gle |.
AttOrneys--W. Scott Alexas
Slpes. Thomas j.. Sloan
!. N, u, ShaIner, Geo. "a
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1900-12-27
SOUTHERN PENN'A r. r. TRAINS.

4 Connection for all stations on Oumh 2
I Valley Railroad and Pennsylvania ,
system. .ded -
H. A. RIDDLE, JF nIS4
Genl Pass. Agent, ArV
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1900-12-27

!, Major Crofoot, Grateful For the
.,alt Extended 60 Him, Takes the
s.o Of the Shears Into the UnIver-
:, FishbnIl Company.
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
( DICK RODNEY;
Or The Adventures of
; An Eton Boy.
ny JAMES GRANT.

ny JAMES GRANT.

CHAPTE VIII (ContlnuedJ
Il remember well when, from a wild
forest, / saw before me a long blue
ridge. 1t was the Sierra Leonda-or
the Mountain of the Lioness, as the
niggers thereabout call it, the highest
in North or South Guinea. CT, was
|, Master Rodney, to see the flag of
old England waving on the fort and in
the bay. There was a sloop of war at
anchor there, the Active; and when
she fired the evening gun you would
have thought a whole fleet was salut-
Ing, there are so many echoing caves
and dents in the mountains and along
the shore.
II soon made my way home to Eng
land, but was more laughed at than
pitied for my queer figure-head, which
frightened some folks, my old mother
especially, for she banged the door
right in my face, and called for the
police when l went to her old bunk at
Deptford.
However, got used to all that sort
of thing; but as folks are so ill-bred
| and uncharitable ashore, I have left
|
| afioat, to be out of harms way. So
that's the yarn of how | became tat
| tooed, Master Rodney"
| Finish the brandy-and- water, Tom, -
| said /, land now Wen make a start
for the brig-noon is past, and the
| atmosphere cooler than 1t was"
Your very good health. Next time
we splice the main brace ashore
| hope it will be in Cuba" said Tom,
| finishing the contents of my flask and
| then becoming so jovial that he broke
| at once into an old sea-song, the last
| two verses of which were somewhat to
this purpose:
81 learned to splice, to reef and clew,
! To drink my grog with the best of the
crew,
| And tell merry story;
! And though l wasn't very big,
Aloft I'd climb, nor care fig
To stand by my gun or dance Jig,
And all for Britain's glory!
when home l steered again l found
! My poor old mother run aground,
And doleful was her story;
She had been cheated by lawyer elf
Who married her for her old dads pelf
But spent it all, then hanged himself
| Hooray for England's glory"
Just as Tom concluded this remark
able ditty with tones that made the
volcanic grotto to echo to glory" a
voice that made US start exclaimed
close by us:
"Bueno! Ha! Hal Los Anglesos
burrachiosi'
On hearing this impertinent refec-
tion on our sobriety we both looked
up and saw-what the next chapter
will tell you.
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
Time and Distance AnnihiIated.

In keeping with its past unapproachable
record, Union Pacific II. r., the Great
Overland Route, WILL on October 18th,
place In service an entirely new, strictly
tirst-class limited train to be known by the
old familiar name of 1.-The Overland Linn
tied" This In addition to the present ex-
cellent schedule which will be continued.
The NEW OVERLAND LIMITED will
leave Salt Lake City daily at HIS a. M,
Ogden Is p. M, arrive Denver 0 a. M,
Omaha 7:l5 p, m, and Chicago 0 80 q. M,
in ample time for all eastern connections to
New York Boston, Washington, etc, and
be the most handsomely equipped and fast
est train ever given to the western people.
AS usual thers will be no change Of cars to
Denver, Omaha and Chicago, and only one
change to principal eastern cities Further
particulars at company's office, "Old
Stand" POI Main street. Salt Lake City.
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04

planters with the rest that will soon
be under matches. He is worth keep
ing, If he cannot ransom himself; as
for the other"
"El muchaeol" (the boy said they,
glancing at me.
"Si-el page de escabo-if he is al
lowed to return a complaint may find
its way to the senior alcalde, whose
alguazils may come and borrow our
topsails and anchor for time; where
as, if we have him where the others
went yesterday"
"Where?"
Into the ventana, hombre3 was
the fierce response; "and then no more
will be heard of the affair.""
My blood grew cold at these words,
and / scarcely knew what followed,
till the first man who spoke came for
ward and addressed us.
'Inglesos," said he, 1--WE have de-
cided that one OF you, after swearing
not to reveal our hiding place, shall re-
turn within four hours, bearing a fit
ting ransom for both, else, so surely as
the clock strikes. he who is left behind
goes into the ventana of the mountain,
where never did the longest sea line
find a bottom-not that | suppose any
man was ever ass enough to try. San
tos do you hear?" he added, striking
his musket-butt sharply on the rocks,
when perceiving that Tom was igno-
rant of all he said, and that | was stu
pefied by it.
Isl, senor," said |, and translated II
to Tom Lambourne, who twirled his
tarry hat on his forefinger, stuck his
quid in his cheep, slapped his thigh
vigorously, and gave other nautical
manifestations of extreme surprise and
discomposure.
Ransom, Master Rodney" he re-
iterated, Gin the name of old Davy
who would ransom poor Jack like
me?"
THE whole crew would table theil
months wages on the capstan head
aye, In a moment, Tom, | replied
with confidence.
I'm sure they would and the cap
tain and Master Hislop, too, for the
matter o. that, rather than poor snip
mates should come to harm; but
LAS for me-" said l, with growing
confidence, 81 am, as you said, senores
only the page de escoba.'
ITO be continued.)
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
CHAPTER X.
The Ventana.

Tom Lambourne's face wore some
" hat of a blanched hue, through
which the stripes of his tattoing seem
ed blacker than ever. A severe cut
on his forehead from which the blood
was oozing, did not add to his per-
sonal appearance. He scarcely knew a
word of Spanish. but seemed instinc-
lively aware that we had fallen into
hands nearly as dangerous as his for
mer acquaintance. the Mussolongos
for he said:
Master Rodney, | fear We have run
our last knot off the log-line and our
sandglass won't run again, unless
heaven gives the order to turn. Yet,
If | could but get one of these mus
kets, to have a shot at the rascally
cargo -puddlers before it's all over with
us. would be content. As it is, am
a over blood, from clew to earring.
and they have well-nigh choked me by
shaking a quid down my throat"
Hush Tom" said l. for I was lis
toning to discussion which took
place among the Spaniards.
do you understand their lingo?"
"A little"
What are they saying?" he asked,
with growing interest
Il viii tell you Immediately"
But as they all spoke at once in the
sonorous Spanish OF the Catalonian
coast, mingled with obscure slang and
nautical phrases. some time elapsed
before ! could understand them. Mean
while, how terrible were the thoughts
that filed my mind
IF these fellows murdered and cast
us into that awful chasm, the deed
would never be known; until the day
of doom our fate and our remains
could no more be traced than the
smoke that melts into the sky. Even
If we escaped unhurt, but were detain-
ed so long that the brig sailed without
us, what could be our condition, PEN
niless, forlorn and unknown, in that
foreign island? But this was a minor
evil
Then I burned to avenge the lawless
treatment to which we were subjected
and the blows and bruises their cow
ardly hands had dealt so freely
"Companeros. | heard one say, zone
| of these fellows is tattooed and would
sell very well TO the South American
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
AMERICA SAYS so.
The Entire Country is
on the Move.
Casearets Candy Cathartie Did Ii, and Record
phenomenal Victory Five Mil lon
Eoxes Sold Last Year

From every part of America comes the
news that sufferers from constipation
have found relief in Cascarets Candy Ca
thartic. the wonderful modern scientific
laxative and intestinal tonic, Cascarets
are tiguratively and literally In every
hody's mouth. Thousands have tried Cas-
carets with the most pleasant and ef-
fective results, and voluntarily testify to
their experiences. Here are a few ex-
tracts from some of the letters:
II have been using Cascarets for head
ache and constipation and have received
great benefit from them Mrs NJ. Cab
Ter, BIZ Larrabee St, Chicago.
Il have been taking Cascarets for over
month and find them just the thing for
constipation" Albert b. Burt, 20 Main
ST.. Andover. Mass.
II am using Cascarets and have never
found anything so satisfactory" Mrs G.
". Durrant. 81 Emerson ST., Buffalo. N.
II have taken Cascarets and cheerfully
recommend them to all my friends" Mrs.
q. ]. Gradwell, Frugalty, Pa
cascarets are fine for biliousness and
malaria and are so pleasant to take" Mrs
Mary Cummings, Maud Oklahoma.
Il use Cascarets in my family and find
them all you recommend them to be-" e.
Vile, Pa.
You can safely add appendicitis to the
list of diseases that Casearets will benefit
Ohio.
ing better for constipation" BenJ Pas
sage, Knightstown, Ind.
Cascarets are all right. They have
cured me Of constipation, and never ex-
pected anything would" Charles H. Nye.
Lock Box 205, Cincinnati, Ohio.
n am SO thankful for your Cascarets
Ihey are better than any medicine / ever
usee Mrs. NJ Rev, Lacelle Iowa
40 not hesitate to say that Casca-
rets Is the very best medicine ever placed
before the people. Andrew Woodruff,
Daysville. N Y,
"Cascarets are the best cathartic ever
used. Tom Holt Wildwood Manitoba.
Il have tried your Cascarets and / want
20 tell you they are just splendid" John
Wiegmink Box SOL. Allegan Mich
We could fill the whole paper with ex-
pressions like the above. Thousands of
similar recognitions of the merits OF Cas-
carets have been volunteered and prove
that this delightful laxative, so pleasant
OF taste, 80 mild and yet effective, has
secured IA firmly established place In the
hearts OF the people
Go buy and try Cascarets yourself to-
day. All druggists, lOc. Csc. soc. Booklet
and sample free. Address Sterling REM
edy Company. Chicago or New York
This is the CASCARET tab
IaN let. Every tablet of the only
| NH IT | genuine Casearets bears the
| " v v | magic letters &c & c." Look
at the tablet before you buy
NJ and beware of frauds, imita.
tons and substitutes.
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04

Effective June 1st, the Rio Grande West
ern railway began operating its new din
ing cars. serving all meals nall its through
trains The arrangement included No.
leaving Ogden at 7:80 a. m. and Salt Lake
City at 80 a. m. also No. leaving Og-
den at 6:s5 p. m. and Salt Lake City at
7:40 D. nj. The west bound through trains,
both morning and night will also carry
diners. TIE cuisine is as perfect as it is
possible to make it. Service, la carte
SO that you can have your coffee and
rolls" for breakfast, or you can select from
menu as elaborate and complete as the
market of Utah can supply.
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
CHATTER TX.
DANGEROUS Company.

Behind us stood eight fellows, 1--WE
of whom had muskets, and three heavy
bludgeons. They were apparently
Spanish seafaring men; but whether
contrabandistas of the lowest class,
O portion Of slavers crew, or mere
~ drunken brawlers, we could not at
first determine. However, they soon
made us aware that robbery was their
object, and that they were in no way
averse to little homicide If we inter-
fered with their plans in the least.
Some had their coarse, but glossy
and intensely black hair confined by
nets or cauls; others had only Bar
celona handkerchiefs round their
heads The spots of blood upon these,
together with several patches and dis.
colored eyes, showed US that thess
modern Iberians had been fighting
among themselves. Their attire, which
consisted only of red or blue shirts
and dirty canvas trousers was rather
dilapidated; but something of the pic
turesque was impaired to it by the
sashes of glazing red and yellow wor-
sted which girt their waists, and in
which they had long knives stuck con-
spicuously.
By their bearing, their dark glazing
eyes, their muscular figures, their bare
arms, chest and feet. their bronzed.
sallow and ugly visages-and more
than all by their rags, which were red
olent of garlic and coarse tobacco,
Ii was evident that we had fallen into
unpleasant society. Several had silver
rings in their ears, and on the bare
chest of one I saw crueifx marked
either with ink or gunpowder.
These fellows had come from the in
ner or back part of the cavern, where
they had evidently been observing us
for some time before they so suddenly
appeared.
"Acqu'ardiente." said one, approx
ingly, as he applied his fierce, hooked
nose to my empty flack and then plac-
ed it in his pocket. A second snatched
away my courier-bag, and a third APP
propriated my telescope, which he
stuck in his sash.
Taking up stone which lay at
hand, ! was about to hurl 1t at the
head of the latter when the mdZ2le
of cooked musket pointed TO my
breast, and the butt Of another ap-
piled roughly to my back. admonished
me that discretion was the better part
| of valor.
'El page de escoba--ha. hal" (the
cabin boy), said one contemptuouslv
as he examined my attire--a smart
blue Jacket, with gilt anchor buttons
which Hislep had given me. My porte
monnaie which contained only a few
shillings, and my gold watch. pres
ent given to me by my mother when |
went to Fton, were soon taken from
me. AS for poor Tom, he possessed
only a brass tobacco-bax, a short,
black pine, and one shilling and six
pence; yet he was speedily deprived
of them by one who seemed to be the
leader of the gang
"You raseally Jack spanIard!" said
Tom, shaking his clenched fist in the
robbers face, If ever | haul alongside
of you elsewhere, look out for squalls!"
At this they all laughed and seized
us by the arms, dragged us into the
back part of the cavern or assure in
the rocks. leaving one Of their num-
Der. armed with q musket as sentinel
at the entrance. where he lit a paper
cigar, and stretching himself on the
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
FORTIFIED MONASTERY.
Where the Monks Showed Contemps Tor
British Attacks.

hIttchs'
Russia holds the strongest fortified
institution in the world, says the New
York Herald. 1t is the monastery or
Solovetsk, and if any military experts
desire points as to the best method of
protecting vital spots, they can do no
better than pay visit to this abode OF
monks and take few lessons in prac-
teal defense from the practical breth-
rem who live there. Granite boulders
form the chief protection. They are
arranged in formidable circle COM
pletely enclosing the monastery. At
no point in the solid wall could the at
tack of an enemy make an impression.
The huge rocks make a line nearly a
a period of the Crimean war that the
strength of the Notifications was test
ed and proved. The walls and the
towers held huge guns, and the men
behind the guns knew their business,
which was to pour a fire into the
British White Sea squadron. The
monastery, which consists of six
churches, held valuable store of pre-
cious stones and statuary. The monks
did not remain inside during the
Smelling of their home, but coolly
walked around the lodges of the gran
lite walls to show their Indifference to
the work of the attacking forces. The
monastery is noted place, and it Is
estimated that the yearly number of
pilgrims visiting it amounts to 10000.
Monks man the steamers which carry
these crowds of men and women anx-
ious to see the Notifications and the
relics in the churches.
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
Derivation or the Word SUNDAY,

From the Woman's Home Compan-
ion: The word Sabbath" is a He
brew term for period as well as quail
ity of time, and means rest" In the
Bible 1t Is used only with this mean
ing. Periods of one year or of seven
years were thus characterized Every
seventh day was observed by the He
brews as a weekly Sabbath" In ad-
dition to this day others were ap-
pointed In which the obligation to
cease from labor was as binding as the
observance of the weekly Sabbath"
Sunday Is SO named from the day
which was dedicated to the worship Of
the sun. Christian nations observe il
as their SABBATH; but "Sa>Neth" is
not Sunday"
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
speed of the rrIgate bird.

Many sailors believe that the frlgate
bird can start at daybreak with the
trade winds from the coast of Africa
and roost the same night on the Am
eriean shore Whether this is a fact
or not has yet to be determined but
it is certain that the bird is the swift
est of winged creatures, and is able to
fly under favorable conditions two
hundred miles an hou-
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04
QUEER USE OF BIBLES.
1t Arises Because the Book Is Generally
Wei Printed.

1t Arises Because the Book Is Generally
Wen Printed.
Here is something | wish to inquire
about" said an elderly gentleman, as
he entered the establishment of a deal
er in artists materials and held out
tiny booklet. Il bought some gold leaf
of you a few days ago, and on turning
the sheets or paper between the leaves
l discovered that they contained por-
tions of the scriptures and seemed to
have been cut from a part of the
Bible" so they were" answered the
dealer; but there is nothing so ex-
traordinary about that fact when you
understand it. 1t was English gold
leaf you bought, and that, as a regu-
lar matter of business, is packed in
little books made up of pages of the
Bible cut to the requisite size and
stitched together. No PROCLAMATION is
intended. but the practice of packing
the material in this way is well es-
tablished. The Bible is selected for
the purpose because, as a general
thing, the type is more evenly set and
the printing finer and better executed
than in other books. Printed paper
has always been in general use for
packing the sheets of gold. The slight
indentations made by the type serve
to keep them more firmly in place
They slip when packed between plain
sheets. The Book of Common Prayer
is also employed for the same purpose
and for the same reason. Gold leaf
books are made up from the sheets in
which they leave the press and before
they are folded"
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04

The dining car service of the Denver &
Rio Grande Railroad is proving a great
convenience to the travelling public Ele-
giant dining cars are attached to all trains
leaving Denver on this popular road, where
meals are served in manner pleasing to
all travellers and at moderate prices. Tho
enjoyment of trip through Colorado's
wonderful scenery that afounds along the
road rs enhanced by the dining car and
other conyeniences that have been adopted.
For information, time cards, rates, etc,
address 5. X. Hooper, General Passenger
and Ticket Agent, Denver, or H. NJ. Cush-
ing, Travelling Passen yer Agent, 100 West
Second South Street, Salt Lake City.
Elmore bulletin. [volume] (Rocky Bar, Idaho) 1889-1906, 1900-01-04

There is more Catarrh IN this section OF the
,ountry than all other diseases put together
and until the last few years was supposed to be
ncurable. For great many years doctors pro-
bounced 1t a local disease. and prescribed local
remedies, and by constantly failing to cure
with local treatment pronounced 1t incurable
Science has proven catarrh to be a conStitu-
tional disease, and therefore requires consti-
.utional treatment. Halls Catarrh Cure. man.
pfactured by f. J. Cheney g. Co, Toledo, Ohio.
IS the only constitutional cure on the market.
II Is taken internally in doses from 10 drops to
teaspoonful. 1t acts directly upon the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system. They offer
one hundred dollars for any case 1t fails to cure.
send for circulars and testimonials Address
f. J. CHENEY s. co, Toledo, Ohio.
Sold by Druggists 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.