Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-09-01
JOBSON IN A SHIRT WAIST

When Mr.. Jobson got home one evening
about ten days ago he carelessly tossed
| the parcel he carried on to the sitting room
| couch, and then surveyed Mrs. Jobson out
OF the tail Of his eye, waiting for her to In
| quire as to tire contents of the package.
OF course. he did not have long to wait.
| "Ah! 1t was thoughtful Of you to bring
| my shirt waists from the laundry" she
said, beginning to unite the package.
| Think so?' said Mr.. Jobson, with obvi-
ously assumed airiness. as he struck
match to light his pipe WELL it might
have been If I'd brought 'em. But didn't.
Brought along a little bunch Of shirt waists
for myself, though"
Mrs. Jobson stopped undoing the package
and looked I'D at him tnQuiringly.
Shirt waists for yourself?' she ex-
claimed. why. it can't be possible that
Cant, hey?" inquired Mr.. Jobson. blow
/ ing smoke rings with feigned calmness.
We'll. that's where you're fooled again.
going to walk beneath the dome of heaven
in my shirt sleeves on sizzling days here
| after, you've guessed right the very first
time That's just what I'm going to do.
| II you've any particular reasons to for
| bid the banns, as it were, just name 'em
now, If you please. or else forever hold your
But" put in Mrs. Jobson. "aren't you
afraid" She didn't precisely know how
to put 1t, and so she hesitated
| Afraid O. what?" inquired Mr.: Jobson,
ting thirty days in jail, do You mean?
Afraid of being fired out OF my club? Go
right ahead and inform me what you think
It's up to me to be afraid Of for attiring
| myself as I please and a decent, COM
mon sense man. Afraid Of"
oh interrupted Mrs Jobson. looking
| thoughtful, Il am really not opposed to
men going about in their shirt sleeves in
| nrOVidinQ
get themselves up neatly, but 1 think the
custom Is better adapted to some men than
others I think that the coatless young
| man OF average weight perhaps looks bet
| ter in his shirt sleeves than man who is
er-well, becoming somewhat more stout
"Oh, you do. do your put in Mr. Jobson
You're jeering and jibing me, usual,
| because I'm fat fat, Ell? You couldn't let
the opportunity escape you to sheer at me
| because I've taken on a few pounds OF
| weight during the past ten or twelve years,
hey?''
at only occurred to me-" ventured Mrs.
Jobson. that, as you so much dislike being
onsidered-er-stout-"
| "Oh that occurred to you, did it2' broke
| in Mr.. Jobson. Permit me to inform you,
then. that If had one-twefth of a cent for
| every freaky, unheard-of thing that 'oc-
ours to you I'd be prominent figure in
| the automobile races around Newport just
about now, instead Of shaving and strug-
Cling and toilng and moiling to keep
| roof over your head. Die ever hear me
weep my pillow all night because / hap
! pen to be pound or two overweight? DIE
| ever notice that l took the back gate and
| alley route to get in and out of my home
| for fear of being hooted at account of
| my bulk? DIE ever hear me crying out
| in an agony OF humiliation over my hippo
| potamus-like superstructure? What ever
| gave you the idea that cared what people
| think about my avoirdupois? How
| did you happen to become possessed OF the
| notion that 1 cared drum whether L
! rb1I TIL Lon, mol
all the members Of the Fat Mems Club
| put togeth-'
| But anybody will look larger in white,
| you know" interrupted Mrs. Jobson. 81
am becoming stout myself that l don't
| dare to wear white dresses any more in
hot weather. they'd make me look so
| mountainous, and
That's all right about how you'd look"
! cut in Mr. Jobson, a bit Modified over Mrs.
| Jobsons admission that she, too. was TAX
| ing on flesh This shirt waist business
for men is about the only sensible thing
| I've noticed in connection with mems dress
! for a good many years, and I'm going to
| join the coatiess crowd. I'm free, white,
| and twenty-one, and as Independent man
| as ever came over the hills, and I beg to
respectfully announce to you, and to all
| whom 1t may concern, that from and after
| tomorrow morning one Jobson. OF Wash
ington, D. c.. is going to go forth as
shirt waister from Shirt Nashville, the
| jeers and cat-calls of the whole resident
and transient population to the contrary
notwithstanding.
Mrs Jobson finished undoing the parcel
Mr.. Jobson had brought home and pulled
out three fine lawn puff-boSom shirts, and
! a pair of buttonless blue serge trousers,
! provided with straps for the passage there
| through Of a belt all of which Mr. Jobson
| had had made to order.
When, the following morning. Mr..
JObson had arrayed his five feet and six
inches and his 223 and odd pounds of adj
| pose in of the puff-bosom shirts and
his pair of buttonless trousers, and stood
forth before Mrs Jobson with a triumph
ant CLEAN in his eye for inspection. Mrs.
Jobson didn't dare to smile. much as she
wanted to. Mr.. Jobson looked as big as a
| house.
Mr. Jobson Jared forth to his office, afoot,
and swishing willie stick that he had
purchased in order to give himself a devil
may-care air In his venture as shirt
waist man.
At the first corner he turned he was
| borne down upon by one of his old friends,
| member of his whist club.
| "Ship ahoy!" shouted Mr.. Jobson's
| friend standing stock still at distance of
about sixty feet. What craft is that?
Hey? What for those signals of distress?
| Dye want any help? Why don't you furl
| your to gallant royal mizzen tops'l and go
before the gale? Ho! Is that you. Jobson?
| Well, great jumping" ETC., etc.
Mr.. Jobson growled something about
blasted imbeciles that ought to be living
in caves" and passed on, swishing his
willie cane savagely
L
old friend. who also stopped suddenly and
| regarded Mr.. Jobson with a broad grin.
| Hey, Jobson, exclaimed this one
"when's the ascension going to come off :?
There's one good thing about it anyhow and
that is that you won't have to take much
ballast along" and so on. Mr.. Jobson
didn't even vouchsafe the ordinary civil
greeting of the morning unto this friend
but trudged on, mumbing beneath his
| breath.
1t was not until he reached his office,
however that Mr. Jobson went up against
| real difficulties. His office mates simply
danced around him like a band of fire
| watered red men. Here are a few samples
of the remarks they hurled at him:
Lovely piece of architecture, amt he?"
Looks like a prairie schooner in a cy-
| clone, don't hep
"Say, Jobson, If you're really going to
fight Fitz, when are you going to begin
training?"
"say, Jobson, when did they cut you on
the bias?"
Its all right but the yoke and the &C
| cordeon plating"
Say. Jobson, there's bargain sale Of
leftover dimities this morning.
Mr.. Jobson got home at half-past 10 in
the morning.