The daily morning Alaskan., 1900-01-20
ONE MILITARY EVIL.
PRIVATE BARRY oIscoURsss ON THE
 ARMY MULE.

sAys the Gentle Animal Has Whyn That Are vsxAti0as and Tricks That Are ob- noxioas. Provoking the Mid MAnnered soldier Who HA. Him In charFe.
 CAMP THoNAs-What a conthrary burrud an arrumy mule isl 0i taut ut wuz just stories about thim till Oi kim intil the arrumy, but be jabers ut's the truth. There wuz yistherday. whin our battalion wuz at the range an rife prac- tice. an me shuttin near fifty.foive per cint-but Fave thot go We wuz at the range. an wan mornin comes an ordher- ly from the colonel av the rigiment say in he sint his complimints til Major stark. an he would be over that day to musther us in.
 We get musthered by the commander av the rigimint every month fur the paymasther to swear by. Ut's bad luck for mon Co miss thot muSther, an be- fore he can sit musthered he must sign the pay roll. In the arrumy he signs a receipt for his pay week before he sits ut-but lave thot 90
 We had not moro than finished sign m the pay rolls an the furrust sargints wuz still swearin as they always have to do under the articles av war whin they have that wurruk an han. when from the quarthermasther' departmint comes the wurrust noise iver the airs av min heared. 'Twuz an arrumy mule kickin. He raired an backed an backed as'in. him pullin his hid afr in his tesprit efforts Co git loose.
 "C0rpril av the Gyard No. Noine, mule on throuble" shouts out the sin trv in the vicinity. an wid that the alarum goes round Co the gyard tint an away goes the corpril av the gyard.
 "Corpril. darlint an how can Oi sleep an thot divil av mule maxim such a row." says the poor sintry.
 "Slape as you always do, bad scran t.l you. retoorts the corpril, "av it wuzn't dayloight an you ixpectin the mess call livery mint wid the relief to lave you 20 ate. But uts wastin toime Oi am an tho wrong wan Lave us let him loose.
 Be thOt toime there wuz full platoon an the groun. all av thim givin advice.
 Poor craur" says Lynch, a priyit ia \. who is the divil's own av iver therr Nuz wan. "Poor cratur!'' says he. "an nc mad he is because the Fur rust ,argint would not let him sign the pay rools DO
 Maybe be has jus remimbered he hft somethin in his kit back in the rigi' mint an wants Co hurry back for ut, " says McFaddin. the thrumpiter.
 An little you know abou; ut. pipes in Private Jones av B Ho had jus made 100 per clint at the targets Ut is bis turrun Co shoot. an we'll be knows ut.
 He knows Liftinint Guulack is absint an he wants Co anSwther the 'adJutant's s call hissilf. put in Private Overstreet. "Ut's Q wondher he wuz not coOrt mar tialed for ut. ."
 Lave him be. You talk like Wexford min. the whole lot ay you, shouted the wagoner. him tarin mad bechuxt the mule an the min.
 Be this t0ime the actin QuarthermaS' ther kim up. Liftinint sutton. wid a rSsf in his throu=sr- an his campaign hat What is the mOtther.' be aXed.
 "He mistuk the adjutant's call for the mess call. liftinint says Lynch, An he near fell dead win tue A. C. M. burst out lafiin
 Allow me Co handle him. suggist ed a wee bic av a thing from D., his name Oi haven't about me, for tho gyard report is seldom trusted Co pri- wits, although ut Is we'll known we are the flower av the arrumy
 Allow me Co handle y0u mCsilf says the wagoner. wid his timper stickin out av him like a poor goSsoon's shirt. an wid thot he made pass for the in' terloper. hittin the mule he mistake wid bis tisht an near fel.in him.
 steady. commands Littinint Sut- ton. an then be ordered the thrumpiyer Co sound the water call
 As Secretary Oluey used Co say, ac- cordin Co the major, thot closed the in- cidint. for the mule quet an tux Co bis driver like a Scotchman till his ,oddy.
 Oi moind the toime whm Captain- may the divil dy away wid me if thot thrumpiter isn't soundin quarthers an hour ahid ay toime Och, but the an- noyancies tn the arrumy is obnoxious!
 PRIVATE BARRY -St L,ouis Republic.