The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1900-04-18
Al Ep'stle from Bob 1ugerso

Fcooo al uEApowo Author.
Dear Friends i will endeayor
to write you letter promised be-
fore leaving New York Sam Jones
inadvertently told the 'tnth, for jest
as be predicted and as | myself Sc
cretly expected, am in hades; came
straight through on a flyer without "a
stop ! am sitting on hot cinaer
writing this letter on a piece Of slate
gouged from the ceiing with my trl.
dent a trident. you know. is one OF
those funny looking pitchforks like
Neptune used to carry with him st
the seaside Everybody has one, and
!: makes fellow thlok he's at a pop
ulist convention.
V hen | was on earth | don't be-
iieye in bell, for / had Travelled IN
Kansas and didn't think there could
be two places go much alike But /
had't been here half dag tI!l | be-
iieyed in it whole lot 1t is much
more genuine aud realistic than /
anticipated. bot | think lii like it
when l get acc!imated just nov
my feet are blis,eriDg from walking
on the hot pavement, snd I'm DAB,
bling them in the river Styx to cool
them eff l was talking to Moses a
while ago and be Gays they will soon
ge: caloused and then I'll be all
hunkydory. F;e mas read my Mis
takes of Moses ard !aughiDgly admits
that he made good many when he
was new TO the business lie is q
iovial cid cuss and / ra;heE like him;
he told me on the dead Everything
is On the dead, herel that be didn's
write the Pentateuch. but knows who
did
There are lots of people here, and
strangers arriving daily But !
would not advise you to 1e till fall
or winter, and even then don't bring
anything but light summer suit
You won't need an o7ercoat or um
1rela or skates, but you might bring
along palm leaf fan or two For
an imaginary, mythical fgurative.
allegoical and uporthodox hell this
is about the hottest one | ever got
into.
But say /! | got here Just IN time
to strike snap Henry Beecher
had Just been retired on account of
age, AID Mephistopheles appointed
me to succeed him as boss of the
New York colony-the largest one
here / have a lovely new trident
with cute little spear points, and
his Satanic Majesty has promised to
get NE a long red tail and pair of
borns like mis- when be goes to the
city next week He seems to have
taken fancy to me.
There are ministers here of every
denomination, and several camp
meetings are in progress down the
river. Horace Greedy introduced me
to spurgeon and old Peter Cart
wright, and we bad very pleasant
little lark together They expect
Talmage to join them before long
I have also shaken hands with Tom
Paine and Vol,aire and they seem
very pleasant gentlemen. said they
had watched my career for some
time and had been expecting me
daily Ben Franklin called on me
this morning he is wearing his
hair short and crisp and has quit
inventiog stoves is forming a
stock company for the manufacture
of ice
Of course there is trust down
here-Solomon and Brigham Young
have all the women corDered The
politicians are organizing to defeat
the present administration and elect
a new devil They want me TO make
the nominating speech. You know
! once nominated Blaine for presi-
dent and did it up in shape. Don't
know who will be the nominee Jay
Gould is running we'll on account of
his money and Judas lscariot and
inanias are quite popular
l wish you could seDd ne the
paper, would like to know what is
being said about me Suppose
they'll print lot of my old letters
and publish enough pictures Of me
to start rogue's gallery, and every
preacher will tell how it happened,
and water-brained spiritualisss will
communicate with my spirit and all
that sort of thing ] wish the whole
doddrotted pack were down here for
while-they wouldn't feel 30 all
fred gay We'll, | must close We
need rain the worst kind. crops
almost a failure. if you're ever down
this way, drop in Yours truly,
Bob Ingersol.