The Portland daily press., 1900-11-14
A HISTORY OF ROME.
side Lights Thrown ON an Interesting
Period.


lin tho vcrnacuiar Of today.1
There was a good deal Of human M
ture about Romulus, aud when Rome
grew and they would 60 out every little
while before breakfast and annex a coun-
ty or two he got the swelled head. When
people called on him, they did not blow
doormat and familiarly slap him on the
door mat and Familiarity slap him on the
back, saying: Hello, there, Romulus.
How are yoF stacking upY No; they
would find him dressed in scarlet like
Mephistopheles and lying on a couch OF
purple, smoking cob pipe, with pitcher
Of hard cider near at hand.
All at once, history tells us, Romulus
mysteriously disappeared. A good many
Of the oldest inhabitants grieved over
him and wondered where he had went"
which shows that the early Romans
neglected their grammar as well as their
noses.
Romulus hasn't been found to this day,
and people begin to think perhaps he is
the man who wrote Beautiful Snow" or
"Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight" hence
they do not blame him.
The army was called legion and was
armed with bows and arrows, stuffed
clubs, tin pans, brickbats and plug chew
ing tobacco.
For year Rome was without king,
and the people became dissatisfied. They
were governed by the senate and said
they had 100 kings instead of one. They
couldn't go outside of their own yard
without keeping their hands on their
pocketbooks. They agreed that the Ro-
mans should choose king, but that he
should be Sabine.
Muna Pompilius was the nominee, and
his followers claimed that he knew 1t all.
Everybody who was opposed to Muna
was not allowed to vote. He was a self
made man, and his partisans called him
'sHonest Pomp." When the returns came
In, 1t was found that he had carried every
precinct. The fellows who got the reluc-
tant voters to the polls Immediately APP
piled for the postofhces, and those who
got left Immediately discovered what a
vile wretch Muna was and organized to
defeat him.
A notification committee was appoint
ed, and the chairman wrote and commit
ted to memory a long speech. He started
out by saying this was the most impor-
tant campaign the country had seen since
the days of Andrew Jackson. That Is
the same way notification speeches were
made 5000 years later. Before he got
half way through Muna asked to be
spared and begged to be excused. He
said this honor was so sudden. He told
them that II be had his fall work done he
might consider the election, but he
couldn't afford to rent his farm to move
to town.
The chairman OF the committee had
another card up his sleeve. He began
his speech all over again, and Muna
cried out: "For heavens sake spare me!
I'll serve! Anything to escape another
speech!' After making suitable offer
ings to the gods, which consisted OF six
kegs and a pony, all Of which was con-
sumed by the committee, he started for
Rome to assume the duties of office.
Muna gave them ceremonial laws Of
religion and made the first homestead
law.
The people went west to grow up with
the country and hold old settlers re-
unions. He established line fences
through which the neighbors' calves
would break and make work for the law
yers for thousands of years.
He also established the first trade un-
ions. He called them guilds. At the
same time the walking delegate was In
vented, and he has become permanent
fixture of our modern life. 1t made Muna
solid with the labor vote, and he held his
Office a long time. The ward heelers
who failed to get offices had long, hum
CRY wait.
The temple Of Janus was founded dur
ing his reign. 1t was open in time Ut
war and closed in time of peace. 1t was
open a good share of the time.
Muna believed In signs and visions
and tokens and things. He consulted an
old fortune teller, Egeria, who directed
him In his affairs. Another nymph he
was Tacita, or The Silent.
The campaign stump speakers thought
he was driving at them, and they desert
ed him in large numbers. Anything that
made virtue Of silence was obnoxious
to them, and he lost much support
Alex Miller.