The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1900-01-11

Thinking of Hurry Call for tn,
Navy and Few Explosive Shells -
Pleasure of Owning "a Thorough bred
The silence which followed an appre-
ciative consumption of five Rob Roy
cocktails simultaneously by five men
who admitted that they knew a good
thing when they drank it was broken
by Mr. Suburbanites question:
IT, as citizen of this country and
hence part owner of our glorious
navy, you were going to write to the
secretary of that department for a ia
vor how would you address him? AS
Dear Mr. Secretary, or as The Honor
able Secretary of the Navy?'
THAT suggests the much debated
question of etiquette as to which chases
the ball if it goes over the fence when
you are practicing golf strokes with
your cook in the back yard" said
Brown. My preference in your case is
for the democratic greeting Of Dear Old
Man. winding up your letter with Pro
bono publico, or something like it, to
show that you know your constitutional
rights. My advice is always free to
you, Suburbanite. because YOU live in
the country"
AS l understand the question" con-
tinued Mr.. Suburbanite, eff you are a
free-born American citizen and the case
is urgent you have a right to summon
the navy to your aid"
"Riot broke out in Suburbanvile?
asked Jones.
oil of hut r1na
Suburbanite. It's dog, bull pup,
to be accurate, and he has taken full
possession Of my cellar. Can't you see
the situation? The man who takes care
of my furnace has struck because he
is a family man and his life is not his
own, and besides he has asked me to
pay bill for a new suit of clothes be-
cause when he emerged from the cellar
on his last visit he did not have enough
clothes on to talk about. There was an
additional item for physicians ex-
pense. This cold snap has brought
matters to a crisis. My furnace has
burned out because the man wouldn't
face the dog, and when l attempted it
I was forced to retreat in disorder.
My cook can't go down into the cellar
for vegetables, and the only redeeming
feature of the whole now is that the gas
man got badly nipped as he was trying
to read the meter and he swears he
won't attempt it again until that pup is
out. OF course it's just the pups way
of having fun and relieving the mono
tony of cellar existence, but it's awk-
ward
What do you expect from the navy?"
asked Brown
Il don't want any unusual favors,'
said Suburbante, but 1 notice that
the navy is spending some money on
target practice. You know Suburban
willie is on the sound, and it has oc-
Cured to me that the secretary might
send battleship or at least monitor
with heavy guns up there to do little
srooting if l will furnish the target
Every dog sharp tells me that drastic
measures are good for young dogs es
pecially bull pups. Now if the navy
would kindly drop few big shells into
my cellar | will gladly stand the dam
age to the house. | could erect small |
flag pole to give them the range, you
see and, except for the dog, we would |
leave the house vacant. I believe that |
a few explosive shells dropped into i
my cellar would jolt that bull pup into
a realization of his own impotency when |
he elects to stand in the way of pro- |
gress I don't want to hurt the dog
but when he makes me feel like an Uit-
lander in the Transvaal something must |
be done. Expediency and the inconven- |
fence of living in an unheated house |
demand the suppression of that pup, !
and if the navy won't help me I don't |
know what to do
Have you exhausted all the arts of |
peace?" asked Brown. IT have heard |
that the widest animals could be SUBJ
dued by simply looking them straight |
in the eyes,
Bull pups, then, are evidently in a
GLASS by themselves, Suburbanite. "but
If you would like to try the eye cure on
this one, / will gladly entertain you
until you have recovered This pup
was six weeks old when I got him
His parentage was very respectable on
both sides, and I congratulated my
self on having gne dog. / suspected
that he would prove an antidote to
burglars and tramps but I never antic-
ipated that he would freeze me out of
my house. That was a month ago.
Since that time he has doubled in size
and his mouth and teeth have grown
out Of all proportion to his body. When
he comes toward you now he looks
merely like big mouth well protected
by teeth and backed by a tail which
waggled all the time just to Indicate
that he isn't serious in his intentions
That's the kind of a bull pup he is. I
guess he didn't know how thoroughbred
he was until week after he arrived
dOg-sharp acquaintance came around
to look him over for points, He held
him suspended by the tail and the pup
looked as If he enjoyed it. Then he
held him up by the slack of his neck !
and still the same pleased expression
AS final test he held him up by the
ears and the dog looked just as pleased
as if he were having his photograph
taken. Then the dog-sharp put him
down and the pup sat down and looked ;
up wisely at him for the verdict
pretty good pup that said the {
sharp, land he's handy as they make
them. He'll do
II was swelling with pride when the !
pup made a grab for the dog sharp's
trousers He got his teeth in them
firmly and then wagged his tail from l
pure enjoyment. l tried to wrench his t
Jaws apart, but I couldn't bulge them.
l pinched his tail and did other things !
W nlcn the sharp advised, but they +,