The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-11-11
SAMPLES OF The JOKES
COMEDIANS ARE NOW IISNI

mean by giving us dot tin IN H..
which did not win? VII Ger hQs
weber, didn't know ybs--
but What he meant We got ''7 l5ac-
Fields-BUt he gave Nc
der horse would vim sud1agta
Weber-4es, but When hon.
him S guarantee runs OUT r-r5[ loss
such nice-lOOking horse bri LI le 'es
dere When der race com0sr-.-I'55 S,1..
waited He wouldn't run. az.
Flelds-He vas ashamed to
dem other sIObs. '1a lt
WebeT-Fell. Why did Won want.
out such a heightened bor-as " gi
Fields-Never mind. We vim No..
million dollars a day here --'a-5
Weber-Den We viii stav tv-,
Weber, would like 10 get nv,
insured so dot When 1 spend II T -'.l-5
get il back. ''-.
Enter Dave Warfield as the Hob
Warheld-I want to know if T5.
When betted something? AE
FielCs-Mebbe. tell us.
Warf1eid-Do you know about mill
tary codes? ~li'
Sure
WarfeId-Vhat must a man bsb..
he can buried be nit militarvs hon.
WeDer-A captain.
Fields-NO. a generals.
Warfeld-Den I guess I lose c.-.
1 bet he must be dead. T
WarfieId agrees to enter into na-,,.-
ship with the other two. and iba- Il
eide to make him custodian of 49,
funds --
Weber-YOU must be sW0ruad in
F1elds-HeS, you must be sworn
Warfield-I don't know how.
Weber-Raise you right hand
Weber and Fields in ChOrus-SVas-
WaTfield-Go to hell.
In one scene Hopper says to Fields
Not a word. I hold YOU resDarsH..
for this. You at least have a moifrr.
of cerebTum and cerebellum."
Weber (aside)-If he said dot TO nal
would E -'r+.
Top You may not be one NJ
tIlHse sensitive metaphysical -7.
tUr ti.t finds its most harmorss
SeU-iBE II an atmosphere of empvra77.
sea rchiug thought or seeks among 5s
altitudinOUs baths of psychological r-.
search the mind COmpani0nship Tia.
can only there be found By the f7.z-
lect burdened with an intense and
overwhelming mentality. but you CON.
more of the gray matter upon W1fa
depends intelligent conception of rss.
tive and cOTrelative phenomena than il
accorded to the trOglodytes niger a-
the common simiadae, therefore I hold
you responsible, if not wholly. al Iesg
in the light of a particeps criminiS
He then approaches WarfeId. ash
ing, ''AS for you, what can ! say q
you?"
WarfieId-I guess you saided it al
to him.
Hopper should have thought thai
common sense would have shown yr
that this Occiput humaua horrd
I could not be placed in harmonious jgI
Imposition to the beauteOus and leo
! phytic femUr pateIla tibia and fbg.
I pertaining TO this au.omata and cog
relate with it in giving it artistic ser
/ isimilitude. I can only account for
T upon the hypothesis that You hay
been aborigine and in rerum ns-ua
nOn-compOs mentis. or to place d kind
er construction upon it. inter pecua
To make myself more plainly uuie.
stood, ] might say 10 yuU in The ian
/ guage Of Cicero
Sic Paresus Diam asparagus,
JabOTandi medUia Obl5ngata.
Siatica rex nux vOuiCa.
In one scene John T. Kelly ask
Fields: What would YOU do for ST.
( 0OO?"
I'm ashamed ID tell you" rs1f
Fields and this always brings out
hearty laugh.
/ Kellv-Are you a married man?
Fields-S'ure.
Kelly turning TO WeberJ-I0u.re
married man.
Weber docking at scratches on
/ hand)-NO, I got dose scratches fro
/ der cat.
Here is a sample joke from one OF Il
other concert halls.
Levy's brother died i'm Chicago q
other day. The undertaken telegraph
to Levy: What VIII I do with bod
( I can embaIm it for $50. or freeze II
( $50. Please answer" And Levy le
: graphed back. Freeze it from O
knees up for $50; he had his feet tr5z
{ last winter