The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-10-14
DEACON M'SQUASH'S DOUBTS.

onc't. 1 dew b'lieve tibet I've got sum NV
tn biggest, an sum OF tn leetlest hogs
yew can find on tn hull airth! um a-fat-
enin' them, air big hogs fur KILN time
abeout tn six Wv Novumbur).
1t duz beet all tarnashun-heow them air
hogs air a-swellin' eout! Sometimes I'm
rally afeared thay'l buster suthin. Wat
Harmed and bothered me wuz, jest es fast
es them air big hogs got bigger'n bigger.
them air leetle hogs KEEP a-gettin lettler'n
leetler. l didn't no wat tew dew, an wat
tew make ont fur long time; but arter
while found eout wat wuz tn matter.
Yew see tibet every time l pored eout tn
swill tn big hogs wud rush in an creoud
tn leetle hogs away frum tn trof. Yew
Jest orter seed EN-! In tn fust place. them
big hogs wud stick thar snutes in tn swirl
way UP to thar ears: an tn mex minnit
thay'd git thar feet in an tn mex thing
them air hogs wud dew wuz tew lay thar
selves deown in the troff, a-guzzelin' tn
swill fur dear life!- Sa-ay neouw. wat sort
Nv chance dew yew 'spose tn lettie hogs
had tew git emmy Nv tn swill! Nun at all.
All tibet thay cud dew wuz tew keep a-run-
min areound a-whinin an a-squeelin.
Thay wud try orful hard tew git sum Nv tn
swill. but heow'n tarnashun cud thay 'cept
wat wud slop over onct n a vile!
Wall, seed tibet suthin' had tew be did;
fur as l sed before. thar war dangur Wv
tn big hogs a-bustin'. an tn leetle hogs
a-gittin' so thin tibet a leetle breeze
might blow 'em away. jest made up my
mind tibet suthin' had tew he did. or
else suthin' war a-goin' tew drap--an
drap hard.
Wall. meow. I'm a-goin' tew tell yew
wat / dun. an wat dun is Jest wat set
har nj ie- hn n mr.
me. yess. sur-ree: tell yew them air
big hogs talked right eout. din't under
stan wat they wa a-sayin' at fust, fur
wat thay sed wuz wat I've hern pepul
call hog-lattin. (Sa-ay, meow, cts right
heer yew be tempted tew call me a durn
lier; hut don't yew dew ct, fur wat Tn
a-tellin' yew is gospill trewth. Them air
hogs, dew talk: I'll take my alfred David
onto stack Nv Bibles highs church
steepul on IL
AS war a-goin' tew tell yew-wen
yew -jnt'rup.ed mel got an oil broom
han'le an stuck brad in tn end on t.
| q rekon tn brad wuz abeout a inch long,
an wen them air big hogs got tharselves
| in tn troff. ! jest jobbed tibet air brad
| in 'em fur as it wud go. Wat dew yew
| 'spose them air hogs dun then? Thay Jest
| pulled thar snu.es eout Nv tn swill long
| 'nuf tew grunt an squeel, an then thay
| KEEP on a-guzZelin' EASTERN ever. Thay
| didn't mind my jobb;n' EN- a bit; l dew
| believe tn hide Nv sum Nv them air big
4 hogs is rncre'n a inch thick-in sum
| places. Wall. 1 KEEP on a-iobbin' EN-, I'M
| til arter awhile 1 got a move on 'em.
! Meow wat dew yew 'spcse them air hogs
| dun wen l made 'em git eout NV the
! troff? Jest's trew s l live, them air hogs
| grunted "Eoui. eoui," an then kinder
| squeeled, an whined, an rolled up thar
! eyes imperdent like. an sed in that air
hog latin kind Nv talk:
"Annerkisti Yew'r an annerkist, yew
| durn mis- BILE OF hayseed!"
/ tell yew tibet air kind Nv sass riled me
up considerable. I'm dekin in good an
regular standin (ye'es, l stan more'n six
feet in thin socks), but 1 tell wey thar's
dangur Nv them air big hogs a-makin' me
| fall frum grace! / can stan a good deal,
but tew hev lot Nv hogs assassin yew
fur nothin', es hard thing tew dejest!
| Well, l made 'em git eout Nv tn troff,
| an stan in frunt Nv it so tibet tn leetle
| hogs wud hev sum sort Nv change tew
| git at tn swill. Then yew orter heer
| them air big hogs go on! Thay COM
| meneed tew mutter amung themselves
sumthin tibet sounded like:
We've vested right tew tn swill troff
| an all thet's in 1t, an we want tew be let
| alone! We don't want eny change in tn
| guvernm,t, an We don't want eny Nv yew
annerkists a-cummin' areound heer a-tell-
! in tn leetle hogs tibet thay hev eny
| rights Els weeked an dang'rus fur
yew te4 dew ct. Don't yew see tibet thar's
| more'n sixteen NV them air leetle hogs tew
wun NV US big uns? 'Spose tibet tn leetle
| hogs shud git sum cents into 'em onc't!
| 'Spose thay wud find eout how We uns
| hey been a-foolin' 'em! They might rise
up agin us. Then WHARF wud We uns be
att" An SO thay KEEP on a-mutterin'; an
| I'm sure tibet hurn EN- say tibet tn hull
| bog-pen guvern'mt wuz goin' tew git I'M
der mob rool. an tn country wuz a-goin'
| tew everlastin' smash!
Good Lud! wat a time I'm a-heven' with
| them air hogs l can't rest in tn day
time, an can't sleep nights becoz Nv tn
| racket thay keep up! TIL big hogs air
a-howlin' all tn time tibet I'm a amer
kist, an tn leetle hogs air a-squeelin' all
tn time becoz thay can't git huff swiil.
| Meow jest think ont onc't: While them
air big hogs air a-layin' right deown In
! tn swill troff a-guzzelin' an keepin' tn
leetle hogs frum gittin' eny Nv tn swill,
thay keep a-sayin' tibet thay feel so sorry
| fur tn leetle hogs, they air afeared thay
| air a-goin' tew git that swill abeout half
watered-an' a nifty leetle Nv it," TIL
/ durn imperdens Wv them air big hogs
makes me feel tired!
Sa-ay, l don't think cts fare fur them
big hogs tew sass me like they dew! Ell
seems tew me tew be plane dewty tibet
I shud make tn big hogs give the leetle
| hogs tn same chance tew git at tn swill
| troff tibet they hev-fur TIL swill troff an
watts in it b'longs as much tew tn leetle
hogs as it dur tew tn big uns. Nobody
capt a bloomin' liar kin say tibet l ever
KEEP tn big hogs frum a-gettin' all TIL
|
hogs got mad ct me becoz I wudn't let
| 'em git wat they call CORNER on tn
swill! They won't even let tn leetle
hogs hev a part wv tn mud puddle: fur
| thay say thay've got a mortgage ont. In
fac thay're a-laying' claim tew tn hull
hog pen.
Thar's anuther thing tibet makes ell
kinder agervatin'; thar's more'n 'nufl
swill fur all tn hogs. an 1 dew think cts
durn noncents tew hey them air leetle
hogs starve tew death. Jest tew show
how meme them big hogs air-when they
git all tn swiil they kin guzzle, thay seem
tew take delight tew muss and vast ct.
Wall, thar's wun commissioners war
a-sayin' in tn fust place-I'm a-fatenin
| them air big hogs fur KILN time abeoui
them big hogs air a-goin' tew be a leetle
more quiet like.
| Very trooly yourn,
| GERYMIER McSQUASH Dekon).
Sa-ay, neow-rve went an got myself
intew a PEEK Nv trubbul abeout my hogs!
Thar's man watts got a mortgage onto
my farm-(his name is Hanner-I wunder
eff yew hey ever hern Nv him-he's a nifty
big feller-I reckon he's night onto three
feat thick. Wall. he cum tew see me
arter I went an writ my letter a-tellin
TIL faks abeout my hogs-an' he sed teW
me real h-like-sez he:
"Loog a-hear, McSquash, wat dew view
meme by insultin' me like yew hev2"
Il iuAn IIax