Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-04-29

II
Perhaps th. polls II charge thin an
| bust In their stovepipe hats. TIL prisi-
dint II sind tn ARMY here. con-
spiracy II be discovered at tn club
| to blow up tn poorhouse. an volun-
teers II be called on firm tn nickel
bed houses to protect tn vested in
thrests ~ established poverty.
"'Twill be chanst f'r us to get
even, Hinnissy. I'm goin' to organize
tn Return Visitin' Nurses Associa-
ton, composed entirely iv victims iv
| tn parent plant. Twill be worth look
| In at to see TIL ladies firm tn stock
yards r-rushin' into some wretched
home down in Peerary avenue, grab
bin tn misthress iv TIL house be tn
shoulders an maxim her change her
unhealthy silk dresses fr pinA wrap
per, shovelin' in little ashes to sprin-
kle on tn fiure. breakin' tn furniture
an rollin' the baby in tn coal box.
What tn r-rich needs is intilligint at
tintion. Don't ate that oatmeal. Fry
nice piece iv r-round steak with
| onions, give tn baby the bone to play
with, an sind Lucille Ernestine acrost
tn railroad thrack f'r a nickel's worth
iv beer. Thin yell be happy, me good
woman Oh, twill be gran. ! won't
give anything to people that come to
tn dure. More harm is done be in
discriminate charity than amy wan
knows, Hinnissy Halt tn bankers
that'll come to yer kitchen mex win
ter cud find plenty iv wurruk to do
II they really wanted it. Drink an
idleness is tn curse iv tn class. If
they come to noe I'll sind thin to TIL
Paris Survivors Mechanical Relief AS
ISOLATION, an they can go down an
set on a cake iv ice an wait till tn
man in charge finds thin a job manag-
in diamond mine"
Mr.. Hennessy dismissed Mr.. Doc
lcy's fancy sketch with grin and re-
marked: These here expositions is
gran thing FIR tn progress iv tn
wirruld.'
eye r-read that in tn pa-apers," said
Mr.. Dooley, "an' it isn't SO. Put it
down firm me, Hinnissy, that all ex-
positions is blind FIR tn hootchy-
kootchy dance. They'll be some gr-
reat exhibits at tn Paris fair. TIL
man that has machine that ii turin
out three hundred thousan' toothpicks
ivry minyit II sind over his intherstin'
device, they'll be mountains iv infant
food an canned prunes an pickle cas-
tors an pants an boots an shoes an
paintin's. They'll be all tn wonders
iv modhern science. Ye can see how
shirts ARE made an what gives life
to tn sody fountain. TIL man that
| makes tn glue that binds III be wearin'
more medals thin an officer iv tn Eng
| fish ARMY or cinchry bicycle rider,
an years afther whin We see a box iv
| soap yell think iv tn manufacturer
! standin' up befure hundred thousan'
| frinzied Fr-rinchmen in tn Boss du
Boloney while tn prisidint of tn FIR
rinch places a gold wreath on his fair
brow an says: In tn. name iv tn
ar-rts an science, undher the motto iv
our people, "Libertinity, insanity, an
| frugality," l crown we tn champeen
| soapmaker iv tn wurruld. (Chee-s).
Be ye'er magnificent 1nvintion we have
dhrawn closer tn ties between Paris
an Goshen, Indyanny, Granite APP
| plause) which l hope will niver be
washed away. l wish We much success
as We climb tn lather iv fame Th'
invintor is thin dhrawn ar-roun' tn
sthreets iv Paris in chariot pulled by
eight white horses amid cries iv 'Veev
Higgins 'Abase CASTLE ct cethra,
firm tn populace. An nanny heart
beats proud in Goshen that night
That's tn way we think iv it, but it
happens diff'rent, Hinnissy TIL soap
king, tn prune king, an tn porous
| plaster king firm here won't stir up
amy tumult in Paris this year. TIL
chances ARE tn prisidint won't know
| they're there, an no wan II speak to
THIN but cab dhriver, an he'll say:
TIL fare firm tn Chang All Easy to
tn Roo de Roo is eighteen thousan'
francs, but I'll take We there FIR what
We have in ye'er pockets
"Th' millyonaore that goes over
there to see tn piled up riches iv TIL
wurruld in sausage-makin' II take a
look ar-round him an he'll say to tn
first polisman he meets: 'Gossoon, this
is fine show an | know yon palace
| is full to tn seams with chinyware an
washtubs, but wud We be so kind,
mong brav', as to pint out with ye'er
club tn particular house where tn
houris firm tn sultan's harem dances
so well without tn aid iv tn human
| feet? l know how it was whin we
| had tn fair here. I had tn Dist intin-
| lions in the wurruld to find out what
| | ought to have learned firm me frind