Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1900-09-06
LONDON PRESS AGENT
Theatrical Dignitary Known as tie
Secretary"
Dresses Up Hollow Facts in Fantas-
tic Fashion with Literary MILL
nery-VirtuaIIy a Paid
Praiser.

Praiser.
In London each theater has its "sec-
rotary" but there are no press agents,
writes a correspondent of the Indi-
annapolis Press. Secretary is a pretty
word. Albeit. the Bond street millinery
shop scene in the new Drury Lane melo-
drama, Hearts are Trumps,' suggests
to the thoughtful auditor the proper
name for the paid praiser," or press
agent" commonly called press agent
in our dear country. says the st. Louis
Republic. The last-named title, how
ever, has been brought into so much
disrepute that the honest laborer in the
London theatrical vineyard rebels
against it. He would be called any
thing but that, which suggests the
road agent DR. the highway robber.
There is still a better reason why the
term press agent" is abhorrent to the
Englisman. The word agent is of Lat
in origin, meaning "to do" Hence the
phrase, press agent" signifies ito do
the press Horrid thought, Why
not theatrical milliner?" The press
agent takes tiny fact addresses it up
in all the gewgaws of fancy, just as a
m%illiner lays hold of a frail wire frame
and sews on those dainty devices SO
dear to the feminine heart-and so de-
yastating to the male exchequer. One
produces a bewitching. eye-teasing
bonnet, the other a charming literary
ehapeau. With these artisans the
method Of producing effects is the
same-both employ the articles; one
sayory and satisfying to the mind, the
other a delicate delight to the optic.
The literary milliner takes his fact and
sews on flowers of fancy. metaphoric
aigrettes and hyperbolean feathers. a
smile buckle or a comparison orna-
ment. A red and green feather mag
stand for the press agents mixed meta
phor-a purling stream will often run
into a heavenly eyeball, in spite of the
utmost carel
Your poor praise agent must pack
more thoughts into a half column than
Thackeray or Dickens into a quarto.
His illusions. like the milliner's. must
be either Stunning" ''swaggerer,"
smart" else they are, to use a homely
English term. "chucked." Press agents
and miliiners must never be dull or I'M
inventive. Yet we have much to be
thankful for-there are man milliners.
but, thank Heaven. there are no female
press agents. While the Englishman
cannot abide the phrase ''press agent"
he does. as Secretary" resort to all
the devices of sheet-iron literary thun-
der to raise a rumpus and a row. The
~outpourings of his fountain pen must
be as lucid and as luminous as a gum
drop, and sparkle like phosphorescent
CLEANS playing on the surface Of the
troubled SEA. else he is informed that
he has missed his vocation and that the
employment Of sandwich man is open
TO him. The English editors fulmina-
tions may be as dry" as the remainder
biscuit after a voyage but the secre-
tary's rhetoric must not be as stiff asa
as motionless as a tombstone:
il must p~uisate a. water after a sun
set, tremble as sunshine through aspen
leaves. or throb as a raven wounded.
II should sparkle as the dancing of new
stars. He must write as a genius, even
IL he be a Ounce.
But you may ask, how can this be
done? Easily. The fantastic feathers,
shining aigrettes and fancy flowers
that the milliner punches on a wire
frame are not hers; she did not make.
conceive or devise them. Her trade is
to select tasteful combinations of these
pretty articles, and having piled her
needle. TO call them a hat. SO,
also, the so-called secretary. II he
have the sense" of "a last years birds
nest he will be as assiduous as a hop
picker or a bee in gathering new
metaphors and hyperboles,
which. in millinery. as before related,
stand for buckles. aigrettes and feath-
ers. He will have a plentiful stock OF
rhetorical millinery on hand; he will
spend his days and nights with Swift,
Addison and Johnson. and then with
the watchfulness of a spider sitting in
web, he will pounce on every hollow
that'comes along and dress Il up.
as would a milliner. in all the gay plum
age of rhetoric.