Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-01-30

in print.
Once while talking with grizzled old
woman, who lived in the same tenement, |
he referred to the Queen.
.'Oh, 'ow / would like to be the Queen
said the ancient beldame.
''Why?" asked Mr.. Whiteing.
1T isn't because Of her 'orses because |
if l were Queen I would ave a donkey
Of her band of musicians on horseback |
which goes ahead of the 'orse guards, for
I'd much rather ave a Hitalian with 4
and organ; but just think, if she wakes
up at 3 o'clock in the morning and wants |
bite to eat she can touch bell and ave
beef and boiled cabbage right away"
4 factory girl visited a collection Of
antique sculptures, and on her return Mr..
W hteing asked her:
How did you like the statues?"
None too much at first, sir, because
nearly all of them were shamelesely
dressed. That made me made, until |
thought that they wuz awfully poor in
them days and didn't ave money to buy
clothes with. Then do you know | felt
real bad because there wasn't a single
Idly III the whole bloomin' lot of them
what 'ad bonnet to her name
The late Rev Dr. James Martineau
was wise before his time 1t is related
that when his mother, returning from
church one evening, having left her chill
dren at home to read the Bible. asked
lanes what he had read, he replied:
the whole of Isaiah?' Yes, mother.
have, skipping the nonsense"
-:O:-
The hero and the dragon in the Wag-
ner trilogy fell into discussion while
they stood waiting for the heroine to
finish singing her aria.
One would imagine observed the
hero, from the way YOU scowl and emit
fire from your nostrils that you are not
altogether happy"
NO." replied the dra gon. ITO be per-
fectly candid, I do not find the strenuous
life by any means what it is sometimes
cracked up TO be-
At this point further conversation, eX-
cept by the society people in the boxes,
was rendered impracticabe by the OBJ
trusive tloridity of the Orchestration. =
Detroit Journal.
Scene-P Platform on North British rail-
way station. Farmer, pipe in mouth, APP
proaches train which has just arrived,
and enters compartment in which a
rather pompous-looking individual is
seated. As soon the train started the
swell orders the farmer to put out his
pipe. which order he CURLY refused. DO
You know who ] ann asked the swell.
Ma Well, | am Mr.. -. factor TO
~ L
ann" retorted the farmer. Il do not. :
"Well. I'm Sandy McTavish. farmer, and
servant tn nae man.
One Of the old high-backed SIeighs
marked 1899. drawn by shaggy white
horse, came down from Greene this week
and was going down Lisbon street pretty
fast. followed by rough and-rcady
shepherd dog from the farm, when the
dog suddenly stopped square and bolted
right in front of the Blue store, and
began 10 smell Of the nard. frozen snow.
He stopped SO suddenly that many OF the
people watched him and wondered what
il was all about. Then he began to dig
down toward the paving. and as the snow
flew back between his feet, and he con-
tinually stopped to smell of the snow,
every one wondered what the fellow had
found, and what he thought he could
rake UP in the middle OF the street. In
the meantime the 1899 sleigh had gone
down the street, and the farmer. motto
ing that the dog was not following HIM,
had returned, and tried to call him Oft,
but he wouldn't give up. but Kept on
digging in the hard ice and snow. Al last
he struck Il paper bundle. and fifty peo-
pie gathered round to see what II was,
while. the dog eXcavated the snow around
with n great deal OF care Finally ne
took uD bundle of sausage that some
one had dropped from team. and trotted
off after the ancient sleigh. tie was
cheered as he disappeared Lewiston
(Mel Journal.
One bitterly cold day a gentleman met
an old woman going to market III her
cart and noticed she was crying.
What are you crying for, my good
women?' said the kind-hearted gentle
man.
Il be so cauld," she replied.
why not get out and walk, then and
get warm.
Nav. thank'ee, sir. Aid sooner raid
and crab. '-Answers.
When young man, the late John
Lewis X. ~. went to India and Egypt,
and was away about eighteen years.
When he returned to his mothers house
i'm Portland place he almost Immediately
pulled off his boots and commenced TO
hunt about at one end of the parlor
fender, and seemed terribly put about.
His mother. Of course. asked him anx-
iously what he wanted.
My slippers" said he. when | went
away / left them just down there. Now,
where are they ?'-Tit-Bits.
Niryana Ca little girl. who was trying
to tell friend how absent-minded her
grandpa was), said: He walks about.
thinking about nothing, and when he re-
members 1t he then forSetS tnat what ne
thought of was something entirely diff
ferent from what he wanted to lFAgGAIp.
Der. ''-Collier's Weekly.
-:O:--
4 country parson was called to London
on business a few days before Christmas.
Previous to his departure some ladies of
his congregation requested him to pur-
chase an illuminated text for the dccora
ton Of the church at ChristmaStide;
which he promised to do. When the rev
erend gentleman's business in town was
concluded, he bethought him of his COM
mission. and likewise that he had for
gotten the words and measurements re-
quired. He wired at once to his wife for
these particulars, and received in answer
the following message by telegram:
Unto rs a child is born; six feet long;
two feet wide
Critic--''I must congratulate sou on
the villain of your play. He leaves the
impression of having been drawn from
the life" Author-"He was. l may say