Mesa free press., 1900-11-02
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ington Star.
They're going to run the new hotel
on the European plan" Heavens!
L hope the plan doesn't include tips!"--
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"Er-I want some sort Of present
for young lady," Sweetheart or sis
ter" "Er-why-she hasn't said which
she will be yet" t."-Pittsburg Dispatch.
Resort Hotelkeeper-Any guests in
this evenings train? BUS Driver-No-
body to speak Of. Only a single trunk
woman and grip gent.-Boston Tran
script.
Snarley-What's self-esteem? Vow
It's something we all hate to see in
some one else, but which is virtue If
I'VE possess it ourselves.-Syracuse
Herald.
What is an optimist?" asked the lad.
can optimist," answered Mr.. Brykins,
Jas he took a dyspepsia tablet, sis in
most cases confounded prevaricator."
Washington Star.
Edith (coyly)--What is it the poet
says about a young mans fancies" in
the spring? Backward Lover-Why-
-really-I-er-leave all that to me
tailor, ye know-Puck.
"You seem to be very much interest
ed in that couple in the middle Of the
floor" "Yes; you look at them and see
| If you can figure out which it is that
lcan't dance" Chicago Record.
| Hicks-The easy writer's have deal
Ito say about "the dead Of night" When
lis that, wonder? Wicks-The dead Of
might, suppose, is when everybody is
buried in slumber.-Boston Transcript.
i "Even the general that never wins a
battle can beat sometimes" remarked
Beechwood. "What are you driving
at?' asked Homewood. "He can beat
t."-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
! what did Aunt Minerva say about
the shirt-waist manW "She said now
he had to keep his belt in the right
place all the time he'd find out he
wasn't any smarter than woman."-1n-
dianapolis Journal.
"Amelia, when letter came from you
while you were away did not read 1t
for a day at least" "What was that
for, Edgar?' Don't you see? saved
one days interest on the money you
asked for."-Chicago Record.
Language" quoted Willie Wishing
ton, "was given for the concealment Of
thought" Indeed" rejoined Miss
Cayenne languidly. Permit me to con-
gratulate you on being so perfect
master Of English. Washington Star.
"Did you have any words with your
mistress which caused you to leave
your last placer "Niver wor-rd.
Shure an OF locked her in the bath
room and TUX me things and slipped
out as quiet as yez plase." ."-Harper's
Bazaar.
william, a poor man came along
and asked for a hat" what did you
doY 81 gave him your Sunday hat"
what on earth did you do that for?"
"Well, I knew you would need your
old one to wear when you go fishing."-
Chicago Record.
PA" asked little Willie, show long
is q 'decadey" ''That depends, my
son. In the census department dec
ade means ten years, but to the women
who hand their ages in to the census
man it means anything from 0 to 10."-
Philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Henpeck-The doctor says I alb
solutely must go away next week for 4
rest. Mrs. Henpeck-Goodn can't
possibly manage to get away to go
with you then. Mr.. Henpeck-Umm m!
II guess the doctor must have known
Philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Gump Ito teacher)-No, l don't
want you to teach my son any gram
mar. Not bit Of it, Teacher-Bnt--
but-this is unsual, sir. May l inquire
your reasons? Mr.. Gump-I intend
that he shall be writer of popular
songs.-Baltimore American.
A Good Scheme.-Tourist--Do those
scarecrows save your crops? GARNER
They work first rate. You see, every
tramp that comes along crosses the
fields to see If tn clothes is wu'th steal
in, w'ch they amt, an that scares the
crows away.-New York Weekly.
The Seaman-Have you ever been on
a battleship when she clears for ac-
ton? The Landsman-No. "Well, it
is the most thrilling and impressive
moment you can conceive" "Oh, l
don't know. Have you ever seen golf
club champion get ready to driver
Life.
Blanche-Was Mrs. Gewgaw's gar
den party "wipe-off affair? Lillian
No; it seemed to me more of tag
end" party. Blanche-A "tag-end' par
ty? Lilian-Yes; lot Of people who
were invited only because lot of other
people wouldn't come."-Indianapolis
Journal.
-"That fellow Bumbleton is
a deep one." "What has he been do
;,co, GIVUbu bo <rOt tha nav hoardar