The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1900-02-16
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

He used to call her "darling,'
In such il loving way:
But since they've wed. it is now said
He only calls her "sayr'
indianapolis Press.
Son--"pa, is diplomat Il man who
knows how to hold his tongue?''
Fathcr-'No. my boy; diplomat is a
man who knows how to hold his Job
Puck
stork visits a houSe?'
About 500 a day for six weeks. and
Topics.
wuz workin'.'
IL warned yc, Taggsley. OATS what
you Elt tur readln' dat labor paper
Hicks-'Funny about Pincherly. He
alike ~ 81 ''e''
Wicks-" That's right He never treats
anybody. "-Boston Transcript.
1T will be dreadful if our natural gas
gives out"
Won't it. though? Jane. did YOU
used to get up and make the kitchen fire
before VIC had gas, or did I!'-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Jones called up his first wife at the
SScancc last night, and what do you think
h. said to herr" asked Smith. Goodness
knows. said Brown. He asked her if
she would give his second wife her re-
ceipt for mince meat. "-pick-Me-U Up
Small Boy-"Papa. dc they kill more
hogs in Chicago than anywhere else in
the United StateSY'
papa-"That's what they say, but it
doesn't seem like it when You ride in the
street cars there. "-Detroit Free Press.
Clerk-'You can't get room for him
here: he's drunk" Wytte supporting his
weary" friend,-"I know he is. What
of that:' Clerk ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS is
temperance hotel" Wytte-"Well, he's
too drunk to know the difference. Phil
alelphia Press.
Eisitor-,"What Il racket the steam
makes. clanking through the pipes
Flat-Dweller (shiveringly)-''Yes 1t re-
minds ME of one Of Shakespeare's plays"
Visitor" The Tempest!
Flat Dweller-" Much Ado About
Nothing '-Brooklyn Life.
Policeman-"No one is allowed to enter
this gateway.
the lord chamberlain"
On paper?'
No; verbal one
SHOW it to me."-Tit-Bits.
He-"Won't yo' low me to escoht yo'
home Miss Black? I t'ink yo' am too
good church membah to keep up quar-
much OBJ a .chuc h membah 1 done sor
w. slcepn t'roo de sermon" He
"Wa-al. l was dreaming OBJ yo'."-Puck.
Mr.. Wheatpt-' failure is the talk
of the street. At the meeting of nv
creditors today ! arranged to pay 10
cents. on the ;?llar:." Mrs. Wheatpit
ry. isn't that lovely: Then the $50 hat
| had sent homo today will only cost Won
$5!'-Life.
WAS the wedding Il Success?' 81
guess so. The brides mother was in
tears the sroom'S mother went her one
better and had Mysteries, you couldn't
hear a word of the ceremony, and the
church was so crowded that three wom-
en- tainted. Yes, it was success nil
right. Life.
Bessie. said Il mother TO her little
daughter. 'yru ought to be ashamed to
speak to your father 50 inpertinently.
I'm sure You never heard me talk t.
him i'll that manner. NO. of COURSE.
not" replied the rebellious little miss.
hut you chn">cd him and didn TIN.
uianapollS News.
''Sud'lenly he ceased gathering her in
his warm embrace
Are we observed?' he whispered,
fear$Omely.
There is the rubber plant" fa!tered
she, with Il shudder. and went and hasti-
ly drew the portieres between them and
the conservatory.-Puc
Doesn't it make YOU weary to have
your partner blowing 4 mouthfnl of
cracker crumbs in your ear every day?'
asked the i,ller.
ut is Il bit annoying" said the funny
comedian of the burlesque troupe. but
one must endure these Inconvenience for
the sake of art. -1ndianapolis Press.
\ no rat 81, e
regiments. Mike Rafferty,, an old soldier.
was engaged in handing the loaves of
bread to the orderly men in their turn,
Suddenly he turned to the Quartermaster.
and with a twinkle in his eye said: "Ay
ye PLACE. sor. there's loaf short; who'll
l give 1t to-: Keep it yourself, Mike"
replied the quarterma ster.
"Mherc is Your mother, Johnny:''
playing golf
And your aunt
She is out on her bike
And your sister,
She is gone to the gymnasium
Then III see your father. please"
He can't come down now. He is up
stairs giving the baby th."-Tit-Bits
WASH DAYS
They that wash on Monday
Have all the week to dry:
They that wash on Tuesday
Are not much awry;
They that wash on Wednesday
Are little more to blame;
They that wash on Thursday
Wash for very shame:
They that wash Friday
Wash because in need:
And they that wash on Saturday
Are lazy ones, indeed.
Old Rhyme.
\ Russian once told Archbishop Ben
son that he saw in police court in Rus
STA priest brought in. in undress of pur-
pie. and the court. magistrates and all
knelt. and police sergeant kissed his
hand. Then. rising. the magistrate said:
Yen nasty. drunken beast. so you were
drunk again, yesterday. I'll make you re-
member it this time The priest was led
out to an adjoining yard. his clothes torn
off. and fifty lashes given him; when
he was brought back, half fainting, all
knott down and received his blessing.