The true northerner., 1900-04-18

Is glorious memory. shrOGded though
II may beSby the fact that she eloped
the following week with shoe drum
mer and never sent back the ring.
The New Sult-But surely you don't
despair You Will see as much OF the
world as formerly. will you not?
The Old Suit-No; my happiest hours
are over now. For time TO come you
will do all the mingling necessary, just
rs did when | was young and hand
some.
The New Suit-But our master re-
members you, doesn't he?
The Old Suit-Only when the tailor
who made. me reminds him of my ex-
istence. When we lose our beauty we
are soon forgotten and neglected-noth-
Ing remains Of us save an entry on the
tailor's ledger and moss covered and
unreceipted bill.
The New Suit-Pm afraid you take a
pessimistic view of everything, old
chap.
The Old Suit-Pressimistic, my boy;
pressimistic Is the word. I've been
pressed SO often that all my original
lines Of beauty are lost. The creases
and crows feet of old age are over and
about me. I'm a baggy kneed, wrinkled
up old has been. | am being saved UP
for a rainy day-saved up for a rainy
day, that's all.
The New Sult-Oh, but say, old
chap, you
The Old Suit-There's no use talk
ing, my boy; am older than you, and
/ know from experience just what will
happen. You will be trotted out in the
bright sunshine and shown off before
an admirlng multitude; | will be trot-
ted out when it's raining cats and dogs
and soaked TO my innermost Innings
with shrink producing liquids. You will
be hung up carefully with all sorts of
newfangled arrangements 10 support
you; | viii be hung up at my uncle's
If my owner thinks he can get enough
on me TO make the trip worth while.
You will be carefully groomed and
brushed every day; | will be thrown
down behind n trunk and left there TO
fret my life away, until some day n
tramp Will come along and | will go 10
| join the army OF the unwashed. Oh, it's
the old. old story of the survival of the
| fittest. You are new and elegant,
| therefore the fittest. Twiggy vous?
The New Suit-Then there are many
happy days in store for me, you think !?
The Old Suit-Oh, yes; lots Of them.
! Pretty soon you will be taken out to
see all the lovely girls our owner
knows, and probably you will be per
mitted to put your arm around some
! of their waists, while | shall be left
alone here in the darkness, with moth
ing to remind me of the good old days
except an unpaid florists bill in my in
! side pocket.
The New Suit-Tm jolly well sorry
for you, old chap. | am
The Old Suit-Don't mention it. Your
day Of sorrow will come soon enough.
Your trousers Will probably be the first
to get the turndown-mine were. By
the way. are you American or Eng
! lish?
The New Suit-English. old chap.
The Old Suit thought your tone
was a trifie resonant. And then those
! checks are formidable and foreign in
appearance. We Americans run more
to stripes. How's the prince?
The New Suit-Nery well, fancy.
shall keep my trousers turned up, for.
doncherknow. he'll be reigning in Lon
don one of these days-ha! ha! Deuced
/ ly clever, isn't ii. old chap? | saw Ii
in Punch, and Punch says some beast
| ly clever things. | remember another
The Old Suit-Pardon me. | don't
wish to be rude. but what did you
cost?
The New Suit believe our owner
promised TO pay f10 las. for me, and
blow me if I'm not worth it. eh?
The Old Suit (aside)-Yes, you're like
singed cat-youre uglier than you
look. (AloudD Well, he promised to
pay SAC for me-S6 down and the rest
when convenient My tailor got the SO,
but it hasn't been convenient yet. |
hope your tailor has better luck. OF
course though, the copyright laws will
protect him. Sh-s-s-s-s-h, here comes
our owner 1t is Easter morning, and
he is going TO take you out on the
highways. Good luck to you, my boy.
Put on bold front. and don't scare
the cable cars.
The New Suit-Goodby, old chap.
Very glad TO have met you. I'll see you
later.
The Old Suit-About daylight proba-
bly,. | know him better than you do.
Look out for the bobbies and don't
get pinched.-New York Herald.