The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1900-08-22

special TO the scranton tribune.
Susquehanna, Aug. 21.-A we'll
known Delaware & Hudson conductor
tells a story about a passenger he had
one morning last week: "It was early
in the morning" said the popular con-
ductor, when we stopped at Olyphant
Imagine my surprise, just as the train
pulled out, to see a man come running
out of one of the back yards near the
station, clad only in his underclothes,
and holding in his arms a bundle Of
clothing.
He boarded the train, creating, as
you might imagine, a good deal of n
sensation among the passengers, but
he passed a quickly as he could into
the smoking car and there finished
his dressing. You see. the man had
failed to awake as early as he had
planned to do, and as he had to take
my train to get to Albany at a certain
hour and as very important business
would have suffered had he not done
so, he very wisely jumped out of bed,
grabbed up his clothes and made a
run for It,"
CHURNING ON THE ROAD.
An Ararat farmer, of an inventive
turn of mind, has made big churn on
wheels. He goes through the township
purchasing cream, and when he has
secured the proper quantity he returns
home. On the way he connects the
churning gear, and as he drives along
the turnpike the churning goes on as
the wagon goes along. When he gets
home there Is nothing to do but take
out the butter and draw off the but
termilk. The farmer will have his in
ventlon patented.
ECONOMIZING COW PASTURE.
A prominent farmer at Dundaff, who
has a COW that does not give milk, has
adopted a plan whereby the dry cow
is made to suffer from her dryness and
in a manner earn her own living. He
has attached to her head a contriv-
ance which makes its impossible for
her to get her head within six inches
of the ground. Therefore she has to
eat thistles, weeds and tall swamp
grass, saving the white honeysuckle
and the low, sweet grass for his cows
that give milk.
IN RAILROAD CIRCLES.
| Prominent railroad men still believe
that the Erie's car shop at Buffalo will
be removed to West Susquehanna.
They will be as welcome as a day in
June.
There hasn't been a rumor of a
new railroad through Wayne county in
six weeks. The Honesdale editorial
prophets have evidently gone fishing.
! The old railroad station at Jefferson
Junction has gone glimmering 'mong
| the things that were.
Erie Train Dispatcher Purtill, of
Carbondale, is putting in all of his
spare time at the Ararat camp meet
ing. His fine singing is much appre-
| ciated by the big congregations.
Erie train baggageman Ben Dunlap
of the Jefferson branch flyer" who
is really one of the most iOvial men
on the road, will not laugh again un-
til the peach crop is over. He claims
that handling baskets of peaches
sprains his liver.
WHOLLY INTERMEDIATE
Among drummers order is heavens
first law.
The dear ladies' are going barehead.
ed this summer. Wouldn't 1t be ter.
rble if they should conclude to sc
barefooted next summer?
A petrified sandwich was dug VI
near Port Jervis. They put it witt
the collection at a prominent restau
rant and the purchaser said it was thu
tenderest sandwich he ever bought IL
the town.
The wearing of shirt waists by mar
Is not a vested right.
Candidate Wooley's special train |!
manned by a crew Of Prohibitionists
He deserves an engine that does no
smoke.
The early peach basket has tht
same old, sadly-shrunken look. Ant
the bottom is nearer the top than ever
'Tis now the man Of silver voice,
Sets forth a job to find,
Grating for the politics choice,
At so much per spellbind.