Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-07-24

he year OF 1SOO
Has removed awful ban,
BY the coming of creature
Called The shirtwaist man.
james H. Lambert, Jr., in Ph!iadeiphia
Press.
Some of the Democratic brethren are
inclined to get all the fun they can out
of their platform now-on the principle,
no doubt, that there will be no fun at
all after election Col Bill Sterrett of
Texas, a wise and witty man, VINO tells
stories, says that when the Democrats
down in his country come to read the
platform they will be glad to see the 16
to 1 plank in its proper place. lie says
that an old farmer III Texas used to go
to town every week to get the mail and
do the family shopping. His daughters
were in the habit of giving him list
of the things they Wanted. and II he
didn't bring every item they made him
regret it. One Saturday his wife went
to town with him. He filled the list
as usual, went to the Dostotfice and then
started home. AS he rode along he was
troubled in mind by a vague fear that
make the girls scold him. When he was
about half way home he stopped his was-
on. took out all the bundles and checked
them off by the list. Everything was
there and he rode on, but he could not
help worrying. Finally he reached
home. The girls counted the things and
found everything they had sent for.
Then they went in to supper. AS they
sat down at the table one of the girls
asked, Where's MAP The old man
looked up with a CLEAN of satisfaction
on his face and exclaimed: Il swan to
goodness! / knew | had forgotten some
thing" Mr.. Sterrett says the Demo
Gratis of Texas would have felt the same
way if 16 to l had been left out of the
platform.
Mistress-"Did anyone cali while 1
was Out!
Bridget (the new housemaid)-"Yis
mum: foive leddies an two gintlemen ;"
Mstress-"Where are their cards?''
Bridget-"There was no need o. thin
lawn any"
Mistress-"Why,> not, l should like to
knOw?'
Bridget-"Oi was at home"
AIistress-"You?
Bridget-"Yis, mum. They called on
me, mum. "-Tit-Bits.
He had driven from a backwoods ham
let to the station and after making an in
quiry of the conductor boarded the train
for Philadelphia, says the Inquirer.
When well on the way he stopped the
BUSINESS:
I'm sorter hungry. Will ye tell me
jest where the eatin' car ls:'
There is none on this train was the
answer. It's short run does not require
it.
Huh grunted the questioner, witch
of yer keers is the one that We jest loll
around in an turn and twist yer cheer
any way We please? Don't imagine that
because I've never went rallroadin' be-
|
You probably mean the Pullman. We
haven't any attached
well. Dustin squashes, W'eres yer
cigarstand, SOS [ kin be buyin' a weed
an lightin' up?'
I'VE don't have such a thing, man.
AN we've no place fer me ter git my
shoes shined, ter be sure?"
No, sir"
Course, I'd be crazy ter think yer
might have a barber lad abOard?'
I'VE haven't any"
The rural gentleman subjected the coll
ductOr to a menacing scrutiny from head
to foot and back again. Then he drawled
out in an angry, disappointed tone Of
voice:
well. sufferin' cornmeal; thought We
said this WuZ an accommodation train
Among the natives there were two
parties.
Of these the progressives favored kill
ing the missionaries.
For unless we embroil ourselves in
war with the great Caucasian or Chris
tan nations" they argued, how shall
we ever become civilized?''
I'VE don't want to be civilized said
the conservatives. Let the missionaries
aloner'
Party feeling ran high, and much ran
cor was displayed, first and last-De-
trOit Journal.
The late Dan Rice, the famous circus
man, was fond of boys, and always want
ed tc see a lot of them in his audience
He never gave a performance when the
hooks and corners were hot filled with
youngsters who had come in free.
One story of this sort is told by Capt
George ]. Grammer, traffic manager of
the Lake Shore railroad. A the time Of
the occurrence, Grammer, who lived in
GAINESVILLE, o., was standing one after
noon with crowd of other boys, looking
lOngingly into the tent, but not having
the price of admission.
1t was Mr.. Rice's custom to stand at
the door until the first grand entry of the
circus people, when he would leave On
this occasion he saw the hungry look on
the faces of the boys and called them
around him. You want to go in, don't
you, boys?"
Bet your life" shouted back the
youngsters.
G.Is Ii