The Arizona sentinel., 1900-12-05

WANTED-Competent lady stenogra-
 pher, willing to do about everything
 in law office and home of small
 family: situation permanent and
 comfortable salary moderate; ref
 erences exchanged.-Hu Seaberg,
 Springer, New Mexico.
 Denver, Colo, Oct. F, 1900. MT. Hugo Seaberg,
 Springer N. M.
 Dear Sir.-In reply to your advertisement in today's Repub- lican for a stenographer, book keeper, cashier, janitress, house. keeper, dishwasher, laundress, scullery maid, chambermaid, gov erness, companion, parlor maid, cook, dining room girl, waitress, dressmaker, milliner, hair dress es, seamstress, manicurist, chir- opodist, masseuse and tonsorial artist, l beg most humbly to ap- ply for the position, I am an expert in all the above branches, and if necessary can go out on the mesas and herd sheep Ia la Little Bo-Peep), and would be an ideal shepherdess, or would wash and iron, milk the COWS and make butter.
 As an office hand I am superb. Just try me and see what a dream your life will be if you favor me with the situation. 1 am of a very lovable disposition, and would work for you for my feed for the opportunity of working for such nice, kind old gentle man as you must be. Oh, how my soul yearns for such a posi- tion as you offer! what a haven of rest, after the cares of the day are over! how delightful it will be to commune with nature in the kitchen while washing dishes for change, and to soliloquize on the great problems that are now agitating this great country of ours, as I can see by your ad- vertisement that you, too, are interested in them. So my dear benefactor and lover of the hu- man race, I implore you to allow me to come into your august presence and beseech of you on my pended knees to grant me a trial. AS you love your dear family, don't turn me down, but consider me as an applicant at the throne of mercy, and for your welfare I will ever inter cede. If you are a good church man, so am I. If an agnostic, so am Init. If a good, old fashioned Methodist, I love you already; and if 8 follower of the great Calvin, I am yours forever. In fact, my dear father, 1 will be almost anything to get into your home.
 I am very fond of children and am very fond of walking the floor at night when they have the collie and other infantile ail- ments. I have had nine, but they are all dead Qoved to death). I am possessed of great physical beauty, and would be an Orna- ment to your parlor. Sevres china ain't in it with me. AS a musician 1 am a second Pader- whiskers. As vocalist I am a mocking bird and nightingale turned into one, and you ought to hear me trill.
 References, 1 have them to burn, and have burned most of them, as my employers have gone into such extravagant rhap- sodies over my qualifications, mentally, spiritually and physic- ally, that I would blush to pre- , sent them.
 So, dear papa, if you desire to secure this peerless paragon, this acme of perfection, wire me to the Brown Palace, Denver, where am sojourning (paying $8 a day for board and room, frills extra), and am packing my trunks in anticipation of receiv- ing a telegram to come and enter your beautiful home and be at rest, free from the worlds temp tations. Papa, 1 know we will be happy: l in such an atmos- phere of home surroundings, you having such tempting dishes prepared for you that you will