Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1900-11-01

admission is gained and Jim Hall whis-
pers the password, the political future
Of the candidate is assured. He steps
from one office into another, from the
county end to the city end, up and
down and across. The ring is
charmed circle, an officeholders' guild,
and the motto on the wall reads: "A
public Office is private snap" If
ringster doesn't like his place in the
gas office, he swaps with Water
Board man. If he don't want to be
City Solicitor, he is asked: How'd
Prosecuting Attorney do?" If he is tired
of being City Clerk, he's offered fat
place in the County Clerks office. He
graduates from City Receiver to first
deputy sheriff; from Lieutenant of
Police to Chief of Police, from Council
man to any old thing. If he wants
job for particular heller who carries
more than the usual quota of vest
pocket votes, he is given his choice of
police department, fire department.
water works or gas works.
It's all perfectly lovely within the
circle The places are sinecures, and
the tenure of Office is only affected by
disooedience to the bosses. Ringsters
who drop off from govt or other fash
Unable maladies contracted by long
and persistent pulling at the public
pap bottle, hand their 'cinches" and
snaps" to their sons or their sons
sons, or favorite kinsfolks. They be-
come so fatigued from surfeit of sleep
and rich food, and a paucity of work,
that they are compelled to go on hunt
ing and fishing expeditions to start in
circulation blood that threatens to be-
come stagnant from what a recent
President termed inocuous deseutude.
Republican majorities have been
rolled up so successfully that the seren-
ity of the ringsters has not been dis
turbed, and confidence has begotten
confidence in greater degree. Within
few days, however, something has
happened to cause a palpitation in the
vital organs hidden under the Alder
manic girths of members of the guild.
Monday night love feast was held,
and like the famed feast of Belshazzar,
there was CONSERVATION caused by a
handwriting upon the wall. Jim Hall
was the Daniel who interpreted the
message and his exhortation was what
moved the big and little bosses, and
the ringsters and the heelers to Hercu
lean efforts to avert the impending
calamity CD
James Kay received a hurryup call
at Parkersburg, and made his keynote
speech Saturday night in his plaintive
plea to prevent a Democrat from slid
ing into the sacred precincts of the
Court House. Then he called upon the
members of the officeholders' guild, and
candidates for admission into the ring,
to assemble on Monday night. 1t was
a call which none dared to disobey.
They fiocked into the club house in
such numbers that the Office in which
the supposed feast was to be held, was
abandoned for more commodious quar-
tiers. The officeholders and would-be
offceholders repaired to one of the
Council chambers, where they burned
the product of the municipal gas plant
until one o'clock next morning, and
spat the liquid essence of trust tobacco
upon the luXuriously carpeted floor of
the Hall of Incompetency.
All the club chappies settled back
into their handsomely upholstered
chairs in the expectation of seeing the
bosses count out the Republican ma
jority. James Kay's speech was a
sumner. 1t came like a bolt of light
ming from the azure tinted Empyrean
or words to that effect. Instead of
counting the little chicks of Republi-
can majorities before they were
Matched, the members of the guild
were led right up to danger sign.
The nomination for Sheriff was a slip;
the normal majority Is slipping; and
unless a mighty effort be made, the
returns will show that Democrat will
have slipped into the county club house.
This was a consummation devoutly to
be wished-nit The effect was cleo
trical. Ringsters who had been accus-
toned to listening to the parrot cry
full-dinner-pail, prosperity, full-din-
ner-pail, prosperity" until they were
satiated with confidence, Strengthened
up and manifested genuine alarm.
Then James Kay said something about
the necessity for funds, and the mem
bers of the guild cast furtive chances
toward the doors, and made mental cal
culations of the number of steps inter-
yening between their seats and freedom
from the impending touch"
Somebody made the suggestion that
the Republican candidate ought to at
tend a primary school of electioneer-
ing. Then came an exhibition of wind
jamming with acrimony trimmings,
that Jared the club house. and involv-
ed the whole push. Col. Morris Hork-
heimer is said to have brandished his
walking stick under the olfactory or
gan of "Mandamus' Smith. and
threatened divers things against the
peace and dignity of the State 1t was
lovely billiards, as Billy Baxter would
say.
Then the Colonel departed in indig-
nation. after remarking that he had
been a most liberal contributor. Lib
eral contributors" were just what the
guild wanted. and the Colonel was no.
permitted TO escape The bosses fol-
lowed him into the hall, patted him
on the shoulders, and brought him
back. Then the wind TANNERS opened
the salve box, and all the wounded SEN
sibilities were carefully anointed.
Then the plate was passed around.
and a stalwart officer was stationed at