Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-06-06
,-aS,as sos: I. s.-sSxS.S.%-r
t6|l|l!|I I Ii|l||||Il!ks

One swallow may not make a sum.
mer. but one bull frog makes spring
and one banana skin fall.
Never ask crust Of crusty man.
Ask him for meat, for he'll give you a
cold shoulder with pleasure.
He-What If should catch myself
proposing to you ? she-I should con-
slider you pretty good catch.
Mrs. Hix-I'm glad to hear that your
husband is working again. Mrs. Dix
But he isn't working; he has political
job.
Couldn't Stick Willie: Teacher-Wil-
lie, what's the masculine of "laun-
dress" Willie Chinaman!-
Brooklyn Life.
The following epitaph may be seen
III an Ulster churchyard: directed to
the memory Of John Phillips accident
ally shot as mark of affection by his
brother"
Shea married couple should pull to-
gether like team of horses. He-Yes,
and they probably would IL like team
of horses they had but one tongue be-
tween them.
Evidently Holding Hands.-"Is that
young man in the parlor with Maude
still?" asked her father. suddenly look
Ing up from his paper. every STILL" re-
piled her mother.
Photographer-How shall l finish
your photographs, madam? Madam
Well, retouch half of them to look ten
years younger than am. want those
to send out of Chicago Record.
At the Dinner Table: George, don't
stare Mt Mr.. Crumley that way; 1t Isn't
polite" II was just waitin' to see him
pick up his glass of water, ma; heard
pa tell you that he drinks like fish,
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A lady residing in North Columbus.
meeting girl the other day who lad
lately been in her service, inquired:
We'll, Mary, where do you live now?"
"Piease. ma'am, don't live nowhere"
rejoined the girl. I'm married"
1--WE bought bulldog" said Parsnifr
to his friend Lessup. land want
motto to put over his kennel; can you
think of something's" "Why not use a
dentists notice = Teeth inserted
here?", suggested Lessup.-Tit-B Bits.
See here" howled the manager,
docs 1t take you four hours to carry
message three squares and return?r
Wy" said the new office boy, you
told me TO see how long 1t would take
me to so there and back, and done IT."
Teacher dnfant natural history class)
You will remember that will you,
Tommy-that wasps lie in n torpid
state all winter? Tommy with nm air
of retrospection)-Yes'm, an I'll try an
remember that they make up for It in
summer.
Mother-l notice, Ostend, that you
did not eat any pie at dinner. Ostend-
asked for piece, ma. Mother-But
did not hear you. You should have
asked second time. Ostend-But, ma,
you told me never to ask for pie the
second time.
Following Instructions: young
Sammie Spender is carrying out his
governors wishes faithfully, isn't he?"
"How's that2" "Why, the old gentle
man left Instructions In his will that
after his death his dust was to be scat
tered to the winds. life.
Mrs. Jackson-speakin' OBJ your hus.
BAN, Mrs. Wimple. did he evan con-
to you dat he done propose to me he.
se married your Mrs. Wimple-'Deed
lie didn't tell me! He was SO ashamed
OBJ some OBJ de fings he did dat | neyab
Insisted upon confession.
How about the loan of one hundred
marks that you were to have returned
to me six weeks ago?" 81 wanted to
return 1t then, sir but you had Just
met with bereavement How could
break in on your deep grief with SO
cheerful an announcements"
Mamma-What is Willie CRYING
about? Bridget-shure. ma'am, he
wanted to go across the street to Tom
my Green's. Mamma-Well, why didn't
you let him go? Brldget-They were
having charades. he said. ma'am, and l
wasn't sure us he'd had 'em yet.-Ex-
:hange.
Stage Manager-By Jove, there's q
nice thing happening on the stage! Pro-
prietor-Eh? What's up? Stage Man
ager-The hero and villain are doing
their duel act, and the latter won't die
until you signal him that he'll get his
Arrears of salary at the end of the piece.
-Tit-Bits.
"Your American soldiers" said the
disguised Filipino envoy, "nre dead to
the rules of civilized warfare" what
have they done now?" inquired the dig
nlfied president of the commission.
"Perhaps you won't believe It," said the
envoy, with great bitterness, "but they
actually ambushed one Of our ambush.
es."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
You seem to have quite sum in
your bank, Bobby" remarked the VISIT
or. YES" said Bobby; ina gives me
sixpence a week for coming to the
table with clean hands and face" six
pence is q good deal Of money for
little boy to earn every week." Eyes,
ma'am, but have to do large amount
of work for it.
A Yorkshire vicar recently received
the following note from one of his par
lshioners: This is to give you notice
that and Miss Jemima Arabella Brear-
ley are coming to your church on Sat
urday afternoon next to undergo the
operation of matrimony at your hands.
Please to be prompt, as the cab is hired
by the hour. Forewarned is fore
armed"
Cedar Forests Are Diminishing.
The cedar forests remaining in the
northeastern part OF the continent are
in Aroosto0k County, Maine, the north
ern counties of New Brunswick, and
the counties Of Temiscouata, Rimouski,
/ ROnayantY1ro On1 {sospo in .nnolnn