The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-08-05
H2r. DooIeg
ON THE
DOingS Of Anarchists.
ON THE


why should amy man want to Kill a
king?" said Mr. Dooley. That's what
I'd like to know. Little gredge have I
again amy monarch in tn deck Live
an let lives me motto. TIL more We have
in this wurruld tn less We have Make
in wan place, lose in another's tn rule.
me boy. Little joy, little sorrow. TAX
in it all an all. I'd rather be where
am thin on throne. an be tn look
Nv things I'll have me wish. It's no alsy
job bein' king barrin' tn fact that We
don't have to marry tn woman iv ye'er
choice, but the woman Nv somebody
else s. It's like takin' a contract an
haV1n' tn union furnish the foreman an
tn mateeryal. Thin if tn wurruk amt
good a wild-eyed man firm Patterson.
MOO Jarsey, laves his munkey an his
n il,5 organ an takes a shot at We.
1hahk tn Lord I'm not so big that amy
man can get comfort firm punpin' q
winchester at me firm tn top iv 4
house
But if I was king ne'er an organ
grinder d get near enough me to take me
life with Hotchl1iss gun. I'd be SO
lar away fr m tn multitood, Hinnissy.
chat they cud ony distinguish me rile
features with a spyglass. I'd have no.
hsnen at ivry turin an I'd have me
suDJlcks retire to tn cellar whin I took
me walk. DivVle a bit wud We catch
me spiatterin' meself with mOrthar an
stlcklh newspapers in a hole in a corner
shtohe to show future carnations tn
progress " crime in this cinchry Tbev'd
lay thelr own cornerstone f'r all iv me.
l. communicate with tn pop-Iace be
means Nv gin'ral ordhers an I'd make r.
lhlng worth tellin about to see tn
ley '7 LUZ
Kings is maxim thimsflves too COM
ilioH' Nowadays an arnychist dhrops
INTO d IunchrOom at railroad depot am
sees a man settin' on a stool atir' .
quarther section iv a goosebry pie an
dhrlnk1n' glass tv buttermilk. sD,vo
know who that tsp says tn lunch conn
Ter Iady. l do not says tn arnychlst
Dut be tn look w him he amt much
mat tn king says tn lady. 'Th'
KING. is tt?' says tn arnychist Thin
here's FIR wan king less, he saws an
It's all over. A king ought to he a kim
OF ne oughtn't He don't need to be a
good mixer If he wants to hang on he
must keep out iv range. It's tn king
and queens that thrusts so mucb
in til ilety iv their people thai
they live in summer resort hotels an go
cut Walkin with a dog that's hurried.
IN on'y person that ought to De able
- o. 44CSIA GLOQSu TO q rdIG king TO kin
nm IS jock or tn likes ~ that Tn
ldee iV a man firm Moo Jarsey bavin' m
chanst!' III
What on earth's to be done about
thin arnychtsts?' Mr.. Hennessv asked
mat ais thim anyhow? What do
they want?"
TIL Lord on'y knows" said Mr.. Doc
icy. Lhey don't want anything, that's
what they want. They want peace ON
earth an tn way they propose to get il
IS pe murdhrtn iVry wan that don't agree
with thin. Tney think We all shud do
as they please. They're down ON fin,
pols toorce an in favor tv tn pop'lace.
an Whin they've kilt d king they call on
the polls to save thin firm tn mob. An
between you an me, Hinnissy, ivry army
chISI We knoWed, an I've met NANNY
III me time, an quite, law-abidin' citizens
lhey was, too, had tn maxim iv a thra-
deeian in him.
II they was no newspapers they'd be
Few arnychists. They want tn gat tbair
pitchers In tn pa-dpers an thew CAN'T
GO 1t be wheelin' bananas through tb,
SlLFeeIs or mIlkIn' cow, so they go out
an XII king. / use5 20 know y man t..
Tn name " Schmidt that was IN coo5i,.-
De profession an lived mex Cure but one
10 me. He was tn dacintest man q - or
see. He KEEP a canary bur-rd. an his de-
votion to his wife was tn scandal fv tn
neighborhood. But, bless my soul, how
ne hated kings. He cudden't abide Casr
sdy afther ne heerd ne was daysciuded
Ir m tn kings iv COnnock. though Cas-
sidy was what we call prolotoorio. or a
talkin Workman. An tn wan king he
hated above all others was tn king iv
SchChzWlS-HOlStein which was tn BAR
bdrous country he come FIRM He cud
talk fairly dacint about other kings, but
this W2n-LudWig was his name, an /
his uffCbaV tn
wud throw him into fit. He blamed
1Vrything that happened TO Ludwig. IL
they was Sthrike he charged Il to Lud-
wig. II rSchwartzmeister didn't pay him
fr half-sClin q pair iv Congress CATERS
he used to wear in thin days, he tied
stirring ar-round his finger fr to re-
mind. him that he had to kill Ludwig.
What have ye again In poor king says
l. He is an Opprissor iV tn p "a, -
says. SO ARE ye.' j says, or ye'd mind
boots free He's explodin' tn pro-
lOtOOrio,' he says Sur says l, tbs
prolotoorio can explode thinsives pretty
Well says l. He oughtnt 10 b allowed
to live in luxury while others starve, ne
says. An wud We be KILN a man fr
holdin' a nice job? says L What good
wud it do YEP says 1. I'd be the eInanci-
pator iv tn people, says he. Yea have
tn wurrud on tn coftin-lid,' says L.
why says he, think iv me, Schmitt
OWgOOSC SCNUllILs SldlhHl lOI III ~ dFill5c
tn woes iv tn poor he says. LOodwig,
tn cursed, goes by. 1 jumps firm be-
hind three an s'ciety is freed firm
tn monsther, he says. Think iv tn
glory iv it, he says. 'OwgoOst Schmitt
enlancipator.' ne says. IN prove to Mary
Ann that I'm a man he says. Mary Ann
was his wife Her maiden name was
Riley. She heerd him say it. Gus says
She IF liver I hear iv ye shOotin e'er
king I'll break ivry bone In yeer body
an lave ye,' she says.
''Well, sir. 1 thought ne was jolIin'
but, be hivins, wan day he disappeared
an behold two weeks afther L picks up
a paper an breads that me brave
Schmitt was took up be tn polls fr
thryin to cop a monarch firm behind
three 1 STINT him a copy Nv a pa-aper
with his pitcher in it, but 1 don't know
if liver he got it. He's over there now
an his wife's takin' in washin'.
TITS vanity that makes arnyChists, Him.
nissy-vanity an tn habits kings has
nowadays " bein' as common as life in5
surance agents"
81 don't like kings" said Mr.. Hennes{
sy, 'but 1 like arnychists less Theyl
ought to be kilt off as fast as they're
caught
They'll be that" said Mr.. Dooley. But
KILN thin is like wringin' tn neck w
mickrobe."