davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
Mans Fool Age.

A medical man has discovered that
neither In youth nor old age is man
likely to make the biggest fool Of him
self. Extreme youth usually Is con-
sidered not to have arrived at the dig
nifty of years of discretion, yet home
ly proverb would have us believe that
''there Is no fool like an old fool" This
medical observer has broached the the
ory that there Is an alteration period
of middle life." between the ages Of 81
and 62. "If," he says, "a careful ex-
animation be made Of the preventible
disasters of the last 20 years and OF
the ages of those who were held re-
sponsible by the verdict Of mankind
for such lamentable issues, there will
be found strange coincidence in the
range Of their ages"
Here Is an interesting and practically
inexhaustible field for investigation.
Politicians who are "agin the govern
ment' may trace the blunders Of an
administration to the sinister influence
of some boss who was passing through
the fatal period at the time, and ire
grettable Incidents" Of all kinds, In
war or peace. may be traced to their
true origin. In time no doubt we
shall appreciate the necessity Of re-
quiring all public men, on entering the
fatal period, to take five years holi-
day and to resume work only when
they have passed the age of alteration.
New York Press.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
Lo,d RI.seiI;s DiIem anna.

Once, when he first came to Lon
don and was laying the foundation OF
his great career, says q London letter,
the future Lord Chief Justice Russell
went to the pit Of theater. The piece
was popular, the pit was crowded and
the young advocate had only standing
room. All of sudden o man at his
side cried out that his watch was
stolen. Mr.. Russell and two other
men were hemmed In.
1T is one of you three" cried the
man minus the watch.
"Well, we had better go out and be
searched" said Mr.. Russell, with the
alertness of mind that did not fail him
at a trying moment amid an excited
crowd. A detective was at hand, and
the suggestion was accepted. AS Mr..
Russell walked out the idea flashed
through his mind that II the man be-
hind him had the stolen property he
would probably try to secrete 1t in the
pocket Of his front rank man. Quick
as thought he drew his coattails about
him-only to feel, to his horror: some
thing large and smooth and round al
ready in his pocket.
While he was still wondering what
this might mean for him, the detective
energetically seized the hindmost man,
exclaiming: "What you rascall At 1t
againW To Mr.. Russell and the other
man he apologized and bade them go
free.
But MI. Russell, before he had taken
many steps. reflected that he could not
keep the watch. He went back to the
box office and explained, with a cour-
age on which he afterward said he
rarely experienced greater demands,
that though he did not take the watch
he had It So saying, he put his hand
into his pocket and pulled out--a for
gotten snuffbox.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
HIS Double Fec.

Lawyer Smart--Good morning, Mr..
Gull. What can do for you today7
II want to get your opinion on mat
ter of law"
"Yes."
"My hens got into my neighbor
Browns yard, and he poisoned them.
What l want to know is, can l recover
damages?'
Certainly. 1t was malicious mis-
chief on his part, besides being a de-
struction of your property"
"Thanks. But hold! l stated that
wrong 1t was Browns hens got into
my yard. and 1t was l who admins,
tered the poison"
"Ah, yes; see. That puts differ.
ent color upon the transaction, and II
is clear that he, In the person Of his
hens, was the trespasser, whereas In
leaving the poison on your premises
you were quite unaware that his fowls
would eat 1t. 1t was purely an acci.
dent, 80 far as you were concerned"
"Thanks. How muchw
"Thirteen and fourpence."
"Why, that's just twice what you
asked for a legal opinion the other
day."
II know It. but, you see, have given
you two opinions today."-London An
sWerS,
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
Fatal Breyfty.

There Is little settlement Of New
Hampshire people In Kiowa county,
Colo. Among other things they brought
with them the New Hampshire aver
sion to using any more words In con-
versation than are absolutely neces-
sary. Two Of them met on the road re-
Gently and INDUCED In the following
dialogue:
'Mornin, ST."
"Mornin, Josh"
"What'd you give your horse for
botsT'
'Turpentine."
"MOrnin."
"Mornin."
A few days later the men met again.
and here's the way a hard luck story
was told In mighty few words:
"Mornin, SIP
"Mornin, Josh"
''Whatd you say you gave your horse
for botsY
"Turpentine."
"Kllled mine." 4.,e;Jt1 IL
"Mine too" g, ~ WIZ
"Morninw IT,
"Morninw
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
That WINS the Total,

Old Merchant-Before l answer your
request for my daughters hand, per-
NIT me to ask what Is your yearly In
come, sir?
Young Officer-All told, 1t amounts to
$500.
Old Merchant-H'm! To that would
be added the interest at per cent on
the sum of 100000. that intend to
give my daughter for her dowry.
Young Officer-Well, tho fact is, I
have taken the liberty Of including
that In the calculation just submitted.
London Fun.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
Turkish Police Justice.

A trifling dispute between Kurd
and an Armenian on q street In Con.
stantinople the other day led to an
amusing instance Of justice as 1t Is dis
pensed by the Turkish police
A tobacco box was found on the pave
nent, as alleged, by Kurd. An Ar
menian claimed the box as his own.
Neither would give in, and the dispute
waxed warm. From words they wero
near coming to blows when a police
man came up, but he could not decide
the question of ownership.
At last the Armenian suggested that
the policeman ask what was In the box.
Tobacco and cigarette paper" said
the Kurd promptly.
''The box contains nothing but 10
piasters," said the Armenian, smiling.
The officer opened the box and, find
ing the Armenian was right, settled the
dispute by giving him the box.
1.-THE Armenian Is the owner Of the
box" he said. "The Kurd is q liar"
Here he smote the Kurd over the
head. allah be praisedl For my trou.
BILE in deciding this complicated affair
I will keep the 10 piastres."
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
A Midnight Escapade.

M1on1ght Esc0poOOs
It was midnight as a laundering
knock came at the door Of room No. 4R,
Phenix hotel.
"What Ia wanted" asked the occu-
pant as he sat up In bed with furiously
beating heart.
1--WE want you'll Open this doorr
"Never"
"Then take the consequences"
The man sprang out Of bed and hur-
riedly dressed himself. His face was
pale and his hands trembled, but he
shut his lips with determination to
sell his life dearly. He heard foot
steps moving In the hall, and presently
his door was burst from it's hinges and
q dozen men burst into the room. They
found him standing with revolver In
each hand and the light Of battle In his
eyes.
"You may hang me-" he said In low,
tense voice, but IL Of you will 60 into
the other world before me-"
"Who said anything about hanging~
inquired voice.
''But you have come for that. Twelve
years ago in this town I killed four
men. You have recognized me and
have come for revenge"
mot much, stranger. We don't know
anything about the four men and don't
want to. You live In Missouri, don't
your
II do"
"Well, what we wanted to ask was
whether three Of kind beat straight
in your state"
''They do not"
'4Then that's all, and you can go back
tQGour snooze. Sorry to have disturb
ed you, but we had q dispute and
wanted to settle it"-New York Sun.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
Like q Cat ON a Wall.

A Scotch highland minister was very
fond Of commenting on each verse as
he read It out On reading the precept
walk circumspectly," he said: "Ye've
all seen cat, my brethren, walking ON
the top Of a wall covered WI broken
bottles and bits of glass. See hoo 1t
lifts ae fit and then anither fit and hoo
slowly and carefully 1t puts 1t doom. to
keep clear Of the sharp bits Of glass.
And SO, my brethren. In this warld O.
snares and pitfalls, we should be like
the cat on the wall-we should walk
circupspectly."
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
From o wife's Diary.

An, mel
Yesterday my husband exclaimed
"Parbleur' at golf.
This evening he has just exclaimed
''Hoot, monr at my fete champetre.
How humiliating to be married to
such a clod Of a man, with no soul.
none Of the finer sensibilitiesl-Detroi
Journal.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
Golden Hours
For 1900.

This is the brightest and best boys and
girls paper published in this country. In
typographical appear ance and artistic beauty
of it's Illustrations it ranks second to none
Those who write for it, and some of them
exclusively, are John De Morgan, harrie
Irving Hancock. Cornelius Shea, Matt Royal
Weldon Cobb, w Bert Foster, Kirk Falconer,
T. G. Harbaugh, "Scriptus," &c, &c.
Among it's special departments are Scrip
tus Talks" Golden Hours Club" STAMP
Talks" "Puzzels," MANLY Sports" &c.
Golden Hours is for sale everywhere,
MUNRO'S PUBG HOUSE.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29

Ibid you ever hear anything against
his honestyT
mo, suh," answered Mr.. Erastus
Pinkly. But he eats chicken mighty
reg'lar on Sunday, an he's allus got an
umberell when It rains. s."-Washington
Star.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
THB PEOPLES NATIONAL FAMILY NEWSPAPER.
Published on Thurs.

Published on Thurs
day, and known for
nearly sixty years in
every part of the Uni.
ted States as a National
Family Newspaper Of
the highest class, for
farmers and villagers.
1t contains all the most
important general news
of THE DAILY TRI-
BUNE up to hour Of 20
ing to press, an Agri
cultural Department Of
the highest orde r, has
entertaining rea d ing
for every member of the
family, old and young,
Market Reports which
are accepted as author
ity by farmers and coun
try merchants, and is
clean, up to date, inter-
estlng and instructive,
Regular subscription
price $1.W per year.
We furnish it with
The CLARION for $1.25
per year.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
Both BothTogether0neYearfoT0n|y$ l'55

In this way you secure your home paper and an lusaa
magazine at price that only about fourth OF what some OF M
illustrated sell for For three years The Comopoa mas
undpedy claimed that reached the largest clientele possessed 10y
any periodical daily weekly monthly, in the world was l
(0smopon which sent Julian Hawthorne to ndla 10 iet Inc Wo
know the real horrors of famine and plague was Inc ComGpo
an which established at its cost great Free
University which now has 10000 students on ITS o WAS
The COSMOPOLITAN which offered prize of tor the c o
less carriage and prizes for best plans for public paths ana De aas
men of sewer and pipe systems for cities was Inc CosnoFoha
which set the presidents of great schools and universities eoSy
discussing the defects of existing educational systems e
Cosmopolitan enterprise always in the lead IN aaVacls w
worlds civilization.
We also succeeded in arranging for two additional offers in
connection with this journal and The Cosmopolitan.
After pacgon yourbo table the best of the magazines
in connection with your home paper probably the most important
thing househodor every household in facts the proper
Keeping of The only thorough system of Self instruction
in Bookkeeping is the ellis not only complete instructor,
but with neatly put up box sales book cabook Journal
ledger b-heads statements book bills payable and bills
cevb checks 1eg book and every conceivable appliance for
beginning and carrying the business of the farm the shop the
manaoy More people fail in business because they
do not keep their accounts straight than from any other cause
Farmers and mechanics husbands and wives students and profess
so men, young and DID, rich and poor all need some knowledge of
accounting By the "Els System" this easily acquired through
home study.
The cheapest price which this sold at retail S75 express
from Michigan up but The Cosmopolitan has purchased many
thousands Of that may offer them taken connection
with this paper and The Cosmopolitan
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29

~ FOR SALE A practically new
three burner, latest improved Gasoline Stove
Oven attached. Reason for selling, have
10 need OF it. A bargain. Inquire at
Nv 29tf THE CLARION OFFICE.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
The Art TOnsOr10l
tot Long Branch,l

nj Il. ANUS LUCAS,
tot Long Branchl
Having arrived at the conclusion that the
columns of the CLARION are the only means
whereby he can bring his business to the
proper standard gives vent as follows:
SHAVING. HAIR CUTTING, SHAM
POONING AND DYEING
In the latest style OF the art tonsorial.
SHARP PAZORS AND A CLEAN
SHAVE
is the motto of this enterprisirg artist, and
bystrict attention to business can't help
but please all Will be IN his shop at al
timea
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
The New York Family Story Paper
EAR 1000

The New York Family Story Paper ranks
highest IN circulation and general esteem of
ali similar papers published in this county.
Among its contributors, most of whom write
exclusively for its columns are: Misses Laura
Jean Libbey, Evelyn Malcolm, Abb 5. Jack.
man, Lucy M. RUSSELL Geraldine Fleming,
Helene Hicks, Mrs Alex. McV. Miller, Mrs.
4. Burke Collins, Charlotte Stanley, Mary
A. Kdder, Charlotte Kingsley, Lillian r.
Drayton, Mr.. II. W Hanshew, and others.
Family Story Paper is sold everywhere.
"a & 26 Underwater ST..
New Y ork.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29

-HE delights of evening spent around weghted read
ing table are not half understood An illustrated magazine
with its wealth of illustrations, its stories OF adventure ana
love its descriptions of travel which carry you to the enloteS
d of the earth and its instructive articles for young and odese
are the first requisites for your enjoyment and the entertainment
and proper education of your children. o>sa., -. &'@
To secure for you the best and most interesting of the great Illus
tated magazines the lowest possible price has been the ann OF W
editor of this journal That we have suceeeoea we aVe o
to dy special contract recently entered into with The Con'o-
poan which seeks to become better known in this negbohooa has
enabled us you years subscription to the greatest OF e MUS
aed magazines together with years subscription to tins Journal
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
Published NJ o n d q VI
w pdnesday and Fridayl

w ednesday and friday
is in reality a fine, fresh !
every-other. day Daily
giviRg the latest news
on day Of issue, and
covering news of the
other three. 1t contains
all important foreign
cable news which ap.
pears in THE DAILY
TRIBUNE of same
date, also Domestic and
Foreign Correspon
dence. Short stories
elegant half-tone illus.
tratlons, h u m G ro u s
items, industrial infOr.
nation, fashion notes,
agricultural mat t er s
and comprehensive and
reliable financial an d
market reports.
Regular subscription
price, 81 so per year.
We furnish it with
THE CLARION for $2,W
per year.
Catoctin clarion., 1900-11-29
All Three. Together for Only 5 ZOO

One other opportunity offer you You wish to keep in touch
with metropolitan @ through the medium of great daily The
Thrice aWk World of New York the equivalent of daily and
marvellous fund of knowledge concerning the happenings of the
day. Each issue contains six to eight pages Of eight columns each
over eight thousand columns of reading matter year. In former
dys this would have cost you probably as much 5000 year,
by ITSELF Now you have it if you WiS connection with your
home paper and The Cosmopolitan Magazine
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-05-27

During the present season T. Arthur
Smith, Treasurer of the National Theatre.
will have the management Of the attractive
suburban resort Wildwood located rot
far from Takoma Park. During the past
few months there have heeu made many
additions to this beautiful place. including
an attractive and commOdiCus hotel. with
large porcfes, surrounded by spacious
grounds. A large lake has been con-
structed with ample facilities for boating.
1t is Mr. Smiths purpose to make Wild
wood especially attractive to picnic par
ties and family outings. where every con-
venience and comfort is offered. At the
entrance to the grounds, a modern dairy
cstaurant has been built where refresh
ments will be served at reasonable prices.
Another feature of Wildwood will be the
Introduction Of high class vaudeville from
$50 to $3.50 in the evening. Many well
known artists have been engaged for the
season with weekly change of bji,. Wild
wood" is located in large forest of beau
tiful pines on a high elevation in Prince
George County. Maryland. and within thirty
minutes ride from the centre of the city
over the lines of the Washington Traction
Company, with cars running from Ninth
and F. Streets through without change after
6 o'clock in the evening. During the day
ears will run through from Mat point to
Takema Park. thus necessitatI g but one
transfer to wildwood. In the evening
after the theatrical entertainment there
will be out door amusemepts such as wire
walking with other daring feats. together
with dancing and various kinds OF innocent
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-05-27
"Drn'I Was In the Lend.o
(From scribner's Magazine


The scholar told some strong stories
now that we were in region CT histori' al
interest-where Boone planted his first
fort and where Roones borough ONE stood.
but he always prefaced his tale with the
overwhelming authority that
'Hist'ry says"
He declared that history said that a
bull. seeing some COWS across the river.
had jumped from the point Of high cliff
straight down into the river: had sSum
across and fallen dead as he was climbing
the bank. aI at!.
He busted his heart, said the scholar.
Oddly enough. solemn Tim. who ha I
never cracked smile. was the first to
rebel
You see that cliff yander?" said the
scholar. We'll. hist'ry says that Dan'I
Boone druv three Injuns once straight
over that cliff down into the river"
| could see that Tim was loath to cast
dscredit on the facts Of history. II the
scholar had said one or even two Indians.
/ don't think Tim would have called a
halt: but for Daniel. with only one load
in his gun-and it not a Winchester-to
drive three-it was too much. And yet
Tim never smiled. and it was the fiji st
time | heard him voluntarily open his
lips.
We'll. hist'ry mougit a said that" he
said. but l reckon Dan'l was in the lead!-
The yell that went up routed the scholar
and stilled him. History said ~; furth r
down that stream. even when We were
passing between the majestic cliffs ttat in
one place are spanned by the third highest
bridge in the world. There ferry was
crossing the river. and old Ben grew
reminiscential. He had been a ferryman
back in the mountains.
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-05-27
Glen Echo Park.

The season of 1900 will be inaugurated at
Glen Echo Park tomorrow evening, with
effective attractions. In the large, cool, and
comfortable amphitheatre. where every
seat will be sold at the uniform price Of 10
cents, an electric spectacle. reproducing
with historical accuracy. the battle Of Ma
Mia. will be presented. the vessels moving
in action on an immense tank Of water.
having a surface of 200 square feet. There
will be free concert by the superior and
popular Washington Band. under Leader
Haley. and dancing in the pavilion. while
the number Of other harmless and enjoy
able means Of amu3sc,ent will be manifold.
The park Is reached by electric cars
through exquisite scenery by way Of the
Washington and Great Falls and Washing
ton and Glen Echo Railways. free trans>
fers being given from Metropolitan cars at
Thirty-six Street and Prospect Avenue
and Thirty-second and Streets.
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-05-27

The sale was hastily made during the time
between the battle of Cavite and that of
Manila. and the haste and the time. taken
with the statement that most of the stock
was disposed Of to people in SO little
known a place as Tonkin are convincing
though not final evidence that the order is
simply masquerading under the lions skin
in order to more easily compel whatever
government may be established here to
concede its demands. If the Filpinos
We're to have independence. then the hope
Of the friars would be to have the British
or some other strong government back the
claims of its citizens to these lands. If
the Americans were to establish them
selves here. the friars think that the
claims of an English firm would carry
greater weight with the Government than
those of a Spanish corporation. Hence the
scheme. JAMES B. RODGERS.
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-05-27
MUSEUM SPACE IN DEMAND.
Plans for Expanding National ArchI.
tcctural GRANDEUR.

Plans for Expanding National ArchI-
tcctural GRANDEUR.
There are tons weight of beautiful and
in the Smithsonian and National Museum
buildings for want of exposition space in
those structures For the past twelve
years the authorities of the Smithsonian
Institution have tried to get an appropria-
ton from Congress for a new building in
which the public could feast its eyes on
the magnificent art antiques sumptuous
laces, and textile fabrics, and thousand
and one other things of rarity costliness.
and beauty which would be of much in
terest to the public.
The plans have been prepared, or rather
sketched. for a magnificent structure to
be erected upon site opposite the Smith
sonian building, and when the former ma
terializes the two will form a striking
architectural contrast. The architecture
of the new structure will be the French
renaissance. with all the lightness, grace,
and vivacity of that style. contrasting
forcibly with the sombre picturesqueness
of the Smithsonian building opposite.
The latter was il is said designed orig
inally in the Romanesque style in order to
conform with the sylvan character of its
surroundings, but in order to obtain this
artistic effect light, the most important
feature in museum architecture, has been
found to be exceedingly i'll adapted for its
purpose The projected structure will re-
semble French pavilion of the period of
Louis XIV. and. 1t is said, will harmonic
most admirably with the surrounding
scenery. while at the same time it will Of
fer every facility for light and comfort
1t Is expected that during the next ses-
sion OF Congress. when the plan for the
Columbian Road and bridge shall be ready
Tor of1cial action. the new structure of the
Smithsonian Institution will be included
in the project, as it will face directly upon
the boulevard. The proposed structure
Will DO built Of white marble. and will nave
a frontage Of 500 feet. 1t will be two
stories In height with large open court
yard In the centre. around which will run
handsome arcades. These arcades will be
copied from the design of Inijo Jones in
the latter's plan for the palace at White
hall. London. the unique feature being
the substitution of human figures ar
caryatides for columns. The facade of
the building will consist of three payilions
in the manner OF the Congressional Ii
brary. but not by any means SO elabo.
rate in detail. 1t will. however, form, an
monument which will, add
much to the city's splendor and will prob-
ably form the first of the new structures
which will make the Columbian Boulevard
The most magnificent architectural specta-
Gle in the world.
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-05-27

The many thousands who found rest and
recreation last season at Chevy Chase
Lake with its Wooded Island and gor-
geous fairy lights. will welcome the an
neuncement that that beautifub1spot will
be reoDened to the public on Decoration
Day. next Wednesday. Many Improve
ments have been installed sincesl last sea-
SON. broad, new bridge now stretches
from the terminus Of the electric road
across to the Wooded Island.' new
stage has been built. and the seating ia
cilities have been greatly augmented