The Saint Paul globe., 1900-06-04
SMART SHORT STORIES.

l.
offered his snuf-box to cardinal, who
declined it, saying. "No. your holiness,
nave not that vice." to which the pope
replied in a thoroughly human way: "If
1t had been vice you would have had
| It,"
Thomas K. Beecher. who recently died,
| once prefaced a sermon preached at
| Plymouth, for his brother, with the
startling intimation: ''AIl those who
! have come here to worship Henry Ward
| Beecher will now have a chance to retire;
all those who have come to worship God
| will remain"
| 1t is said that the Rev. Sydney Smith
| could be gallant as we'll as witty on oc-
casion. "Oh, Mr.. Smith, can not bring
this flower to perfection" said a young
| lady to him once as she showed him
| about her conservatory. Whereupon he
| took her by the hand, and said: Then
| let me bring perfection to the flower
A recruit for the British army was
| taken to be sworn in recently by the
magistrate. Everything was going swim
| lningly till the magistrate asked the
| man: Have you ever been in prison?"
| At this the man looked startled, but,
| quickly recovering himself. he blurted
| out: mo, sir, I have never been in Jail,
| but L don't mind doing a few days If
you thing it necessary"
A singer named Gordon once COM
! planned to Handel of the style of his ac-
| compartments which attract the atten-
ton from the singer, saying that if he
did not accompany him better he would
! Jump upon the harpsichord and destroy
! it. VERY vell," said Handel, tell me
| Won you will do dat and 1 will advertise
! it. More people will come to see you
jump dan hear you sing"
Toward the end of Roscoe ConkIing's
| career in the senate he fell out with the
newspapers, and sometimes when he
| arose to speak every reporter in the press
! gallery, closing his notebook, would rush
noisily out into the lobby, leaving every
! seat without an occupant. He lluShed at
! the insult; but speaking of Journalism
| afterward, he was moved to remark, IN
! his propitiatory way that the only peo-
! pie in the world authorized to use the
| first person, plural, we in speaking OF
themselves, were editors ard men with
| tape-Worms.
! charge of watch robbery was prefer
red before the late Sir James lngham
| by gentleman against an Individual
who had travelled in the same carriage
! with him from Bournemouth but In the
| end it was found that the watch had not
been stolen, but had been lett at mono
by the prosecutor. To mollify the lnno-
| cent man, Sir James said: 1t IS mcsI
remarkable occurrence. To show, how
! ever how liable we all are to make THESE
| mistakes, 1 was under the impression
| when l left my house at Kenslngton TINS
morning that L put my watch (Whlch, l
! NAV mention. is an exceedingly valuable
! one) in my pocket, but, arriving at TINS
! court l found 1 had left 1T home by mis-
! take" While business was proceeding.
an old thief at the back of the court
went out, jumped into a hanson cab,
! drove off to Sir Ingham's residence, and
| by representing himself as hona-hda
messenger, obtained possession OF the
watch which has never been heard of
since
The tutor in one of the smaller schools
near Chauncey Depew's native town of
| Peekskill had drilled a number Of his
brightest scholars in'the history Of con-
| temporary politics, and, to test both their
| faith and their knowledge, he called upon
three of them one day and demanded
declaration of personal political princi-
pies: "You are a Republican. Tom. are
| YOU not?'' eyes, sir "And Bill, you are
| a Prohibitionists, [ believer Yes, sir.
and Jim, you are a Democrat?' Yes
| sir" ''Well, now, the one of you that
| can give me the best reason why he be-
chuck, which 1 caught on my way TO
school this morning" "I am a Repub
/ licap," said the first boy, because the
| Republican party saved the country in
/ the war and abolished slavery" And
| Bill, why are you a Prohibitionist?" II
am a Prohibitionist." ratified off the
youth, because rum is the countTys
overerowded prisons ana poor houses"
Excellent reasons, Bill, remarked the
tutor, encouragingly; row, why are you
a Democrat. Jim?'' ''Well, sir" was the
slow reply, 81 am a Democrat because
want that woodchuck''
Camille Saint-Saens the brilliant French
| composer, is extremely near-sighted. One
evening at Paris he was at a party|when
the host asked him to play something
/ He for a long time refused to do so, but
being earnestly pressed he took his seat
at the piano. His hair was tossed back
| his eye cleaned with excitement. Now
| he would bend over the piano, then he
would throw himself back; and all the
while his fingers would run over the
keys as he extemporized in the most
! brilliant fashion. The company were de-
lighted. After an hour pleasure gave
place to weariness. Two hours after
ward some of the guests began to leave;
their example quickly became contagious,
and by degrees nobody remained in the
roam except the master of the house
0he hostess had long since gone to bed).
Saint-Saens. more inspired and more tu-
multuous than ever, utterly unconscious
of the incidents around him. played on
as fast and as frenzied as ever. At
last, about a. m, seeing Saint-Saens
playing with more ardor than ever, the
master of the house, completely over
come with fatigue, became desperate, and
LAYING his hand on the composers should
er, said: Il beg pardon, my dear sir,
but pray are you not a little fatigued?'
Sa;nt-Saens replied, without leaving the
piano, Not in the least!' and, to show
how fresh he was. struck into a new
improvisation with wilder enthusiasm
than ever. The host gave up stole out
of the room, and went to bed. At day
break Saint-Saens rose, gravely bowed to
the tables and chairs, and went home,
completely ignorant that the chairs and
tables had been for hours his only audi
ence.
THIEVES III HIGH PLACES.