Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1900-03-21

George Q. Cannon. the Utah states
man. once attended an irrigation con-
gress. at which drowsy delegate read
a paper on artesian wells. which he de-
clared always brought water except
where they struck rock. He repeated
this statement several times. At the
fourth repetition he defied any one to
deny the proposition, whereupon Can
non looked up and. in his full musical
voice. asked. How do you account for
Moses success?"
Sir Henry Erskine once quelled s
riot in Edinburgh when Mrs. Siddons
was playing to a crowded house In the
largest theater In the town. A surly
fellow in the pit refused to sit down,
and a howl went mp from all around
him. The crowd was likely to do him
and the house damage, when Sir
Henry came to the front Of his box
with the quiet statement: Pray excuse
the gentleman: don't you see it is only
a tailor resting himself?' The man
sa down without further urging.
When Henry Clay was stumpinei
Kentucky for reelection, at one of his
mass meetings an old hunter of wide
political Influence said: well. Harry,
I've always been for you. but because
Of that vote" (which he named. I'm
goin agin you" Let me see your
rife" said Clay. 1t was handed up TO
him. rs she good riie!' Yes"
Did she ever miss fire. We'll. yes.
once" why didn't you throw her
away?' The old hunter thought a mo-
ment and then said. Harry. i'll try
you agin." And Harry was elected.
Sir John Adye. who was Governor of
Gibraltar fortress. always made him
self closely acquainted with the work
of whatever happened to be his depart
ment Meeting a person once coming
into the office late, the general asked
him what time he was supposed to be
on duty. '.Oh" was the reply. Il usu-
ally stroll in about eleven or twelve
o'clock stroll in:" said Sir John. In
a rising tone; then presume you do
not leave till late?" We'll. l usually
slip off about two O'Clock" "Slip off
at twoT exclaimed the veteran. in his
topmOst note: pray. may 1 ask what
department you belong tor 'Oh,'
said the stranger, Il come every Sat
urday to attend to the clscks."
At a meeting Of an autograph socie
cagO. one particular celebrity who had
Obdurate to all requests for
his signature was almost unanimously
voted to be a mean old thing" The
one girl who had not concurred in the
general condemnation asserted that the
others did not know how to manage
this particular lion. III show you -
she declared. and forthwith wrote and
mailed to the celebrity a request com
posed of only two words. They were.
Autograph. please At the next reg
,Ilar meeting the girl appeared tri-
waving sheet of letter
paper over her head. 1t was the reply
Of the celebrity. He seemed reproach- 4,
full. All he wrote was: You must be
pressed for time" with his signature /
following.
The late Timothy d. Crocker nearly .
thirty years ago was president of /
lecture course ASSOCIATE tion, and on the
list Of entertainers was Mark Twain
1t was the custom for the president to |
Introduce the speakers. and then to
announce the program for the next en-
ertalnment In the course. On this par
icular eveping Mr.. CrOcker and Mark
.ame upon the platform and took their
.eats before a hall full of people
Twain waited for his opportunity and
stole march on the dignified president,
ny stepping to the front Of the plat
form and saying: Ladies and gentle
men. the next lecture in the course will !
ne delivered two weeks from tonight
~ Blankety Blank. l have the grea !
,leasure this evening OF introducing to
,Ou Mark Twain" Then Mark paused
moment before he added: II woulG
.lwsys rather Introduce myself. be.
ause then ! am sure to get In all tn.
acts Mr.. CrOcker. rather embarrasS
d. was still sitting back in his chair
nd the audience enjoyed the jok
iuch better than he did.