davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
BOB IN6ERSOL .
I;Writes q RED Hot Letter from the
Capitol OF Hades to Barney
Frno1nar

FrostneE.
| BANKS OF THE STXX-SHEOL, Au-
sast al viii endeavor to write yor
the lettor promised before leaving
New York. Sam Jones Inadvertently
told the truth. for. just as he predict
tsd, and as myself secretly expected.
am in Haydes- Game straigh
through, without a stop. 1 am sitting
on hot cinder writing this letter or
a piece of slate gouged from the cell
ing with my trident. A trident, you
know is one of those funny little pitch
forks like Neptune used to carry about
with him at the seaside. Everybody
has to have one, and it makes a fel-
low think he's at IA Populiat conven-
| ton.
When I was On earth I didn't be-
lieve in hell, for / travelled in Kansa.
and didn't think there could be two
places so much alike. But hadn't
been here half day until l believed
in it a whole lot. 1t is much more
genuine and realistic than 1 anticipat.
ed, but think I'll like it when get
2cclimated. Just now my feet are
hlistered from walking on the hot
pavements, and I'm dabbling them in
the Styx to cool them off. Twas talk
ing to Moses awhile ago, and he said
that they will soon get calloused, and
then I'll be all hunkydory. He's read
my Mistakes of Moses" and laugh
iugly admitted that he had made a
good many when he was new to the
the business. He is jovial old cuss,
and l rather like him. He told me
dead -eHerything is son the dead"
here-that he didn't write the Penta-
tuech, but knows who did.
There lots of people here, and stran-
gers arrive daily. But would not
advise you to come down until fall or
winter-and even then you needn t
bring anything but light summer
suit. You won't need an overcoat or
ubrella or skates, but You might bring
along a palm leaf fan or two. For an
''imaginary," mythological"' ''figur-
ative," Categorical" "unorthodox"
hell, this is about the hottest one l
ever got into.
But, say! l got here just in time to
strike snap. Henry Ward Beecher
has just been retired on account of
age, and Mephistophiles appointed me
to succeed him as boss of the New
York colopy-the largest one here. I
haye lovely new trident with cute
little spear-point businesses on the
tines, and the devil has promised me
a long red tail and a pair of horns
like his when he goes to the city next
week. He seems to have taken fan
cy to me.
There are ministers here of every
denomination. and several camp meet
ings are in progress down the river.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
Fight on Republican Country Paper.

-
Thcs. j.. Atkins, chairman of the
Republican State Committee, has sent
out large lot of circulars to Repub-
licans in various counties. urging
them 10 get subscribers foe certain
city papers. As If to apologize for
this brazen fight upon the country pa
pers, be adds in the circular that '~sai 5
effcr. !. 4 is moi intenlsea to iRscr-
fere ~itil rae local press etc. If
Atkins has any sense he knows when
q person tas been drut1Wed into talk
ing q city paper ne is rasach less liable
TO Subscribe NJ renew his subscription
to the lccai paper. Therefore the
only ~aT to work for srbsei5 bel.s TO
the cita papers without attacking the
rights 'sf the country papers is by a
combination rate o. both papers, so
that the cut rate carnot be had unless
the lcoal paper iss inciuded.
Aizins says IA his circuiac thai the
prices at which these city papers are
to he thrown inte composition with
the homo papers lis below the cost OF
production. Taat is gate nice
little octopus for the eosntry papers
to run up against at the very begin
ring OF the presidential year ;, csn2
bine against ~" loc,st p&;.er, ,aclz1si
by the Repubjaussz :; Gica4 Comllitti;,se.,
'wticn is sP.ntrn. p.txy fauns -.
propagate The .v.sriS -; Starving 1ee
country pa,,eE.
Aside froEa ary question of h!,sia.ss>;
or rights, such 4 move is tue w,-st
possible politics. Mostly paper s.sn
give to the Reps blicaa party the ser
vice that each county soaper cxn asen-
der in it's own field. Ikpublishes calls,
announces nessings, aud discusses
the local 5elc,Sa a waa- that cannot be
done abroad. 1t is'aae only means
through wfaich.Soncersed action can be
secured upon amy given line Of policy
or campaign management. To strike
it down, tseresare. orIn any ~ay-sup-
plant 1t with fiss city paper Is ehe poor
. est possible spsai,ies. Ii every Repub-
iican in esehsc0unty could be induced
to take his cexnty nz per it would be
easy to secure concerted asetieE all
around to ;advertiseewery co1Teu.ion,
meeting or ,Pesicy 80 that ever Re
publican sonl be posted and rsady
to do his duty. Also to put al, Re
publican v@ts-s inspossession OF such
facts as rsas be necessary to uefute
the misrepresentation and campaign
! sensatioa sprang, by the enemy. Asa
matter Of gssd politics for tAeqarty
rs we'll IS common. decency toward the
: country papers, Atkins should rather
have appealed ;to-every Republican to
take his county .Aapsr.-Poplar sBluff
Republican.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
Helpful Hints.

1t is perhaps not generally known
that ali of the quilts and feathers
which come from the turkey may be
sold and that they bring good price.
such, however is the case and we ad-
wise our headers to save their stock.
''Quills and Feathers is the title of
booklet printed by The Warren
Featherbone Co., of Three Oaks,
Mich. Offering to buy all the quilts
and feathers from the turkey.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03

We have on hand a very fine lot of
boys OF all ages from one month to
twelve years of age. We are putting
them out in carefully selected homes.
They are placed on three months trial
All it costs to get one is the transpor-
tation. References required. For
terms address Rev. David Gay, $40
Olive Street, st. Louis, No., State
Superintendent of the Children g
Home Society.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
Rev.,C. r. Brooks

says that his little girls troubled with
malaria very severely, and that since
he gave her. Sulphur aBitters, he never
thinks of leaving New York for his
summer resort without few bottles,
for they always cure his family, and
are far superiorto quinine.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
A Queer On Nedic,ne... ;.

There is a Medicine whose pr o.
prietors do notu claim to have dis
covered Some hitherto unknown in
gredient, or that it is cure-all. This
honest medicine, only claims to cure
certain diseases. ard that its ingred-
tents are recognized by the most skill
full physicians as being the best for
Kidney and Bladder Diseases. II is
Foley's Kidney Cure.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
How Unpleasant

it is to see beautiful child's face
disfgured with vile humors, bursting
through the skin pimples, blotches
and sores, and sadder still, when thu
young and innocent are laughed at
and twitted in all such cases. Parents
should give them that good and pure
remedy. Sulphur Bitters, which wi
search and drive out Of the bloc
every particle of humor.-Healt !,
Gazette.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
ossr:s Excluded From the House.

The case of Brigham H. Roberts,
the Mormon representative elect from
Utah, which has occupied SO much of
the attention of the House since the
assembling OF Congress. was decided
on the 25th by the adoption of a res
olution TO exclude him, by vote c.f
2sS to SO The resolution was as fol-.
lows;'
THAT under the fa1ts and eireum-
stances of the case, Brigham Fl. Ro-
berts, representative elect from the
State of Utah. ought not to have or
hold seat in the House Of Repre-
sentatvcs and that the seat to which
he was elected is hereby declared va
cant"
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
Dissolution Notice,

The co-partnership heretofore exist
ing under the firm name of Vogel &
Brunkhorst, is this day dissolved by
mutual consent. The books of the
firm are in the hands of William II.
Vogel, and those knowing themselves
indebted to the firm are requested to
call on Mr.. Vogel and settle at once.
WM. II. VoGEL.
y. Z. BRUNKHoRsT.
Cape Girardeau, No., Jan. -, 1900.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
Coughed 20 ears.

suffered for p years with cough
aud spent hundreds of dollars with
doctors and for medicine tC no avail
until + used DIR. Bells Pine-Tar-
Honey. This remedy makes weak
lungs strong. 1t has saved my life
J. 3. Resell, Grantsburg, III.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
smokers HEARTBURN.

HEARTBURN from excessive smoking,
or from any other cause, is relieved
by the first dose of No. 10, DR.. Hum
phreys' Specific for Dyspepsia. 25c--
all druggists.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
All Colds ara TAINTED.

Ali colds are tainted with Grip
when Grip prevails. ''777"breaks up
Grip and Colds that chang on;" 25c
all druggists.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
Dental Notice.
- will be at the st. Charles
V0 Hotel, Cape GirArdeau, from

Tuesday evening, january JOth, hlf
Wednesday, February 7th--nine days,
inclusive. Dental work in all its
branches in an up-to-date manner.
Teeth extracted without pain.
Respectfully,
L. P. RUFF, Dentist.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-02-03
Piano for Sale.

a fine new upright kranich & Bach
piano for sale at a bargain. Will
sell cheap to save shipping to ST.
Louis.
GEO. NJ. GARvIN,
ST. Charles Hotel.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27

Excursion Rates to the East.
The Trans Missouri Committee of
the Western Passenger association is
holding its annual meeting At the
Brown Palace hotel. A surprise was
sprung on the committee at the morn
ing session, by General Passenger
Agent Sebastian, Of the Rock Island.
Beginning about June 20, the Rock
Island will run four excursions from
Chicago, st. Louis. Kansas City and
Omaha to Colorado common points,
making rate Of one fare plus q for
the round trip and return limit Of
October 3lst on the ticken. These
excursions will be run Is special ex-
cursion trains and about the same
dates return excursions will be run
from Denver, Colorado Springs and
Pueblo to the eastern points. the same
rate prevailing, thus enabling Color
ado people desiring to do 80 to make
tourist trips east during the summer,
with the same advantages granted
eastern tourists who come west.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
SPREADS LIKE WILDFIRE.

When things are "the best" they
become 'the best selling" Abraham
Hare, leading druggist Of Belleville,
Ohio, writes: Electric Bitters are
the best selling bitters have handled
in twenty years. You know why?
Most diseases begin in disorders Of the
stomach, liver, kidneys, bowels, blood
and nerves. Electric Bitters tones up
the stomach, regulates the liver, kid
neys and bowels, purifes the blood,
strengthens the nerves. hence cures
mulitudes of maladies. 1t builds up
the entire system. Puts new life and
vigor into any weak, sickly, run down,
man or woman. Price SOC. For sale
by G. Lavelle, druggist.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
MILLIONS GIVEN AWAY.

1t is certainly gratifying to the pub
lie to know of one concern which 10
not afraid to be generous The pro-
prietors Of DR.. Kings New Discovery
for consumption, coughs, and colds
have given away over ten million trial
bottles and have the satisfaction Of
knowing that it has cured thousands
OF hopless cases. Asthma, bronchitis,
la grippe, and all throat, chest and
lung diseases are surely cured by it.
Call on G. Lavslle, druggist, and get
free trial bottle. Regular size Soc and
elO0. Every bottle guaranteed.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
ScO77y$
EMULSION

It IL very palatable and easily
digested. If you viii take plenty
Of fresh air, and exercise, and
ScOTT'S EMULSION steadily,
there Il very little doubt about
your recovery.
There are hypophosphites in 1t;
they give strength and tone up the
nervous system while the eod-liver
oil feeds and nouriShes.
Soe and 1i.os, III druegias.
SCOTT BOVINE. CAans, Nsv Yeti.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
Impossible to Please all.

Impossible to Please all.
The editor who can please every one
is not fit for this earth, but is entitled
TO wings, says an exchange. Human
nature is constituted SO that some like
scandal, some don't; some like to see
Others rippep up the back, others
don t; some like to see fakes exposed,
others don't some like the truth told
about them, others don It; some like to
take their paper seven or eight years
and never miss an issue or pay a cent
and get mad and stop their paper VIXEN
they get a statement of their account,
others don't. 1t is some consolation
to know that the Lord himself failed
to please everyone while on earth.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27

information acquired will enable the
committee to act more intelligently
when the matter is taken up, early in
the next session. -..
According to present understanding,
additional Porto Rican legislation is
Immediately necessary. The law pro-
vides that the change from military to
civil government shall take place on
May l, and that means the appoint
ment Of large number Of civilians to
the Offices now held by the army offic-
ers, there being a law prohibiting the
holding Of OWL Office by an army Of
fcer, under penalty of forfeiting his
commission In the army. It is simply
impossible to choose civilians for these
offices by May l. A joint resolution
has been introduced and will be push
ed through at once which authorizes
the army officers TO retain the places
they now hold in Porto Rico until
their successors are chosen. Governor
Allen is going to Porto Rico at once,
in order to look over the available
candidates for the five members OF the
executive council who must be natives
Of Porto Rico, but he doesn't expect
to be able to make all the selections
for the executive council until some
time after his inauguration, which
will take place Nay /.
Secretary Gage has recommended
the dismissal of J. r. Tolbert, collect
or Of customs at Charleston, South
Carolina, as result OF the investiga-
tion Of the charge that contraband
whisky was stored IN the custom house
in Charleston, in violation of the state
dispensary law.
The naval appropriation bill, passed
this week by the house, carries $500, 600
which the president is authorized to
use in MS discretion in case Of an en-
ergency. The minority attempted to
strike out that appropriation on the
ground that it was bad precedent,
but the majority pointed to the ap-
preparation of go, ,OoO, 900 by the unsn-
imous vote OF both branches OF the
last congress, to be spent in the dis
cretion Of the president. The approp-
Ration was made because of q state
ment Of Secretary Long to the naval
committee.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
Our Thinking Sabres in the
Philippines,

Philippines.
The American army otacer in action
Is the snbject Of papor which Senator
Albert J. Beveridge contributes to .
forthcoming number of The Saturday
Evening Post. Dnring his visit to the
Archipelago, Mr.. Beveridge was the
guest and comrade OF Generals Lawton
and King, and he tells some stirring
stories Of the undaunted courage Of
the tried Indian fighter and the nom
chalent coolness of the army novelist
''If our soldiers are thinking bsyo-
nets" says he, "our officers are think
ing sabres." The American Army
Officer in Action will appear in the
Saturday Evening Post Of Mays.
THAT THRoBBING HEADACHE
Would quickly leave you If you used
DR.. Kings New Life pills. Thous-
ands Of sufferers have proved their
matchless merit for sick and nervous
headaches. They make pure blood
and build up your health. Only 25c.
Money back II not cured. Sold by G..
Lavelle druggist.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
CONSULT

at moderate cost. he has s1fed thousands Who
Thought their oasss hopeless. Al letter. private.
Medicines sent frse from observation.
Cook rIedlcalC Go. s6sS csssis q. Dssvss. .css.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
psivais and chseaIs Dlssasee ss IN

Hens4ksringfto@ev1ss. Il.
Hoos, syphilis, gooosfhoea,
eleet, structure, sexual
Wsak14oo, vafieooele, IN.
natarai discharges, lost
vitality, failing memory,
unht1coe 10 mary, blood.
skin, kidney or private dis
eaeoo, efO lpeedAy cured.
DR.. COOK hae spsot %
yoaro oe persistent study
and oxpelsso0o n his oWn
pfastiee and among The
largest 3astsen hospitals
In Cuffn0 this e1ass Of dis.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
WASHINGTON CORRESPONDENCE.
Breezy Gossip on Various Topics
From tho Nations Capital.

Spain knows, to her cost, that there
is limit to the patience Of Uncle Sam,
and Turkey may have to be taught the
same lesson. But there is nothing in
the present relations between the
United States and Turkey to justify
the exciting stories that are sent out
by some of the Washington cores
pondents, alleging that an ultimatum
had been sent to the Sultan and that
it was contemplated to send a squad
ron Of war ships to seize the Turkish
custom house 1t Smyrna and hold it
until the indemnity demanded for the
destruction OF the property of Ameri-
can missionaries in Turkey could be
collected. Those enterprising news
paper men have got long ways ahead
of diplomacy. The ultimatum and
the war ships may come in time, but
it ID the present opinion of officials
that the Sultan will act upon the sharp
demand which has been made upon
him for the money and that neither
will be necessary. Both the president
and the secretary Of state are now
away from Washington, which fur
nishes proof that no immediate troub-
lie with Turkey is anticipated.
The result Of the conference on the
house and senate bills providing gov
ernment for Hawaii is complete vic.
tory for the house, a. its bill, with
few minor amendments was approved
and will become q law. Under the
new law, a complete form Of govern
ment is provided for, includidg a gov
ernor and other executive officers, .
legislature of two branches, and ju-
dicial branch consisting of a supreme
court, circuit courts, and inferior
courts. Hawaii will have a delegate
In congress, with the right to partici-
ipate In debate, but not to vote. The
United States tariff laws are extended
over Hawaii, which is made customs
district. with four ports Of entry. The
crown lands OF Hawaii are made pub
lie lands free of all claims Whatever,
and the amount Of land that may be
held by a corporation is limited to
1000 acres. The Chinese on the ISL
ands are given one year to obtain GER
tificates of residence.
More than two-thirds of the house
125 republicans and 125 democrats,
have signed petition, or rather two
petitions, as Representative Hepburn
Of Iowa presented that from the re-
publicans, and Representative Adam
son Of Georgia that from the demo-
Gratis, to the speaker, asking that
rule be reported for the consideration
of the Hepburn Nicaragua canal bill
by the house May l. II those petit
ionsbe ignored their signers may make
trouble.
About one hundred representatives
of the drug trade Of the country have
been in Washington all the week, try
Ing to convince the house ways and
means committee that the bill for the
repeal of class B Of the war tax law,
which provides for the taxing Of pro-
prietary medicines, etc.. ought to be
favorably reported and become a law.
1t is the general impression that no
legislation reducing war taxes will be
put through at this session, but the
ways and means committee will grant
han rfnos IN all Dartie1 intarpatad and
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
GRANDMA
HAD
CONSUMPTION

and I am afraid I have in
herited it. I do not feel
well ; I have q cough my
lungs are sore; am losing
flesh. What shall I do7
Your doctor says take care of
yourself and take plain cod liver
oil, but you can't take It. Only
the suong, healthy person can
take 1t, and they can't take 1t
long. It Is 20 rich 1t upsets the
stomach. But you can take
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27
The Editors Dream,

The Editors Dream.
l had a dream the other night,
When every thing was still:
I dreamed that each subscriber came
Right up and paid his bill;
And then-the
Pipe
Broke.
TERRENCE O'HooLIHAN,
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27

GARDEN SEED.
All kinds Of garden seed, in bulk
for sale at Dyes hardware store.
The Grit-advocate., 1900-04-27

Snhscrihe for Tur Cpr~-Arvo~.mv
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1900-04-03
FEMALE PHYSICIANS.

Women physicians have established
themselves all over Russia, and even
their opponents must admit that they
have achieved a respected position.
Part of them have been employed by
the Government, and since last year
are entitled to pension. They occupy
positions as county physicians, school
physicians, physicians for the poor and
the municipal ambulance system, etc.
A Mrs. DIR. N. Schultz, in the st. Peters,
burg Institute for Experimental Medi-
cine, is one of the foremost experts in
bacteriology, and her lectures are we'll
attended by physicians of both sexes,
Miss DR.. Lavroskaja of the city hospi-
tai, Obuchow, and a few other female
physicians We're last year with the eX-
peditiOn which went to Turkestan un-
der the personal guidance of the Prince
of Oldenburg to combat the pest. They
all returned in good health, but their
conduct shows a spirit of heroism wor-
thy to be remembered. DIR. Pavloskaya
has immortalized herself in another di-
rection. At the right time and in the
right manner she succeeded in inter-
esting st. Petersburg society in the es-
tablishment of a sanitarium for con-
sumptives, and through donations from
private sources and the imperial treas
ury the establishment in TaitZi near st.
Petersburg. is in operation.
DR.. Schabanova has gained distlnc-
tion for the erection of a sanitarlum
for children on the Baltic seacoast.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1900-04-03
WILL NOT PAY
THE COURT OF CLAIMS MAKES
RULING.
Will Admit Claims of Persons in Poor
flee of Chief Justice

The Court of Claims had meeting
today and decided that the court claims
it has discretionary power to order the
filing of any petition for damages on
account of sanitary fires without the
500 deposit prescribed in a section of
the proclamation constituting the court
on being satisfied after examination,
that the claimant is in destitute circum-
stances.
This conclusion was reached by the
court under a section of the proclama-
ton which provides that the court shall
admit and hear cases according to Ha-
waiian law. When presented to the
Executive the President agreed that the
courts construction of the matter was
correct. The ruling will be a great ad-
vantage to numerous Cinnamon, Jap
anese and natives who were burned out
in Chinatown, as a large number of
them will come under the destitute"
classification.
LAS for the consideration outside of
Chinatown" said a member of the court
this morning, eve are not prepared to
say at present what we shall do. That
is n matter for the Executive to ham
die"
This morning arrangements were
made for the court to occupy the room
of the Chief Justice in the Judiciary
building for the present. AS soon as
the Board of Health vacates the old
Legislative Hall in the same building,
the court will adjourn to it and there
continue it's meetings.