Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1900-10-13
FACTS AND FANCIES.

the loidy's purse when she dropped it,
Jim-"SiX months. '-Iit-Bits.
Billy Finuken thought it funny when
he received a letter from his old college
cham. Enclosed find draft. Blow down
and see me-
Wille-"What is imagination, papa"
Authorize is that which enables Us to
see things rs they Amt and then depict
them as they are.'-Life.
Afterward. why. l had an idea that
she thought you were the only pebble on
the beach" Maybe that was the rea
son she threw me. Brooklyn Life.
The Point of View-Nliss Willing
DO you believe it is wrong to marry for
money! Parson Brown-"Of course not.
Five dollars is my regular fee.'-Chicago
News.
Funny Man (suddenly)-"He doesn't
cut any ice. does hcY'
Innocent-"Who?"
Funny Man-"The coal man."-Ex-
change.
Miss Romantiqne-"H How pale the moon
looks tonight" Mr.. Grouch-"Huh.
Those spoony couples it has to look at
are enough to make any one sick
Brooklyn Life.
a Dangerous Dorothy had
never before seen a dwarf N.Y. she
exclaimed in scarcely audible whisper,
''he must have been brought up on con
densed milk. Judge.
Bad Examplc.-"My score began we'll"
said the Disguised golfer, but it turned
out very badly" IF. it heard the Ian
guage you've been using, it isn't Surpris-
ing that ii turned out badly"
Fitznoodle ito gamekeeper)-"W I
was in Australia | shot the biggest kan
CARGO the natives sad they ever saw
Gamekeeper-"II indecd, sir! What was
you a-haimin' at?"-TitBits.
Nodd-"It took me an hour yesterday
to convince my wife that ] was tight"
Todd-"Gou succeeded, them"
oh, yes but she hasn't spoken to me
since '-Pittsburg Dispatch
Back and Forth Edmund, what
made you so late?" My dear. | came
up in my new automobile, and passed the
house five times before | could arrange
to stop. indianapolis Journal.
An Alabama bicyclist found over the
door of a rural church the cheerful text.
This is the Gate Of Heaven" with the
modifying postscript some distance he
low, This Door closed in Winter Time"
"a physician says that people who
sleep with their mouths shut live long
est" well, people who 90 round with
their mouths shut when they're awake
seldom get killed. indianapolis Jour
nal.
Mother tat foot of kitchen stars)-
Nina, is the major kissing you?' Nina
Yes, mamma" 'Well. tell him to do
it in minor; four teacupS have already
fallen from the dresser The School
master
Husband-"I see they're advertising
bargains i'll patent medicines at Kutt X
Prices drug store" Wife-'Isn't that
too aggravating? There isn't thing the
matter with any of s."-philadelphia
Record.
Husband docking ut his wife's check
bo0k-"You should number every check
you send ont.
Wife--"But don't want to. dear. /
am ashamed TO let the bank know how
many | use. Life
a Scottish peasant boosting of his re-
lationship to the Duke of Argyle, ex-
planned the connection in this way: THE
dukes pipers sisters wee laddie has a
wee doggie that's ain brther to my
aunt's wee laddie's doggie."
Working Together-"Dr. Dosem and
his wife seem to he in league together,
don't they?" How SOP why, he is
trying 10 boom his new dyspepsia cure,
while she is running a cooking school. -
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Lady-"Some weeks ago | bought
plaster here to help me get rid Of rhcu
matism.' Druggist--"W Well. a'am. |
hope it did its work" Lady--"Ycs, but
get rid Of the plaster. Boston Beacon.
I've come to tell you, sir that the
photographs You took of us the other
day are not at all satisfactory. Why,
my husband looks like ala aper "Weil,
madam, you should have thought of that
before You had him taken."-Tit-B Bits.
Wife Ito husband returning at 3 Il. M
What time is it. dcarT Husband
Il o'clock, think" O'clock strikes threcJ
Wife" Why. il just struck three sir"
Husband Ridiculous. my dear; that
clock must stutter, -fIiegcnde Blart-
ter.
y Matter Of TaStr-"Reg pardon" said
the postal clerk who had sold her the
stamps. hut you don't have to nut n =
cent stamp ON a letter for Canada" II
know said she but the shade Just
matches my envelope, You know. Phil
adelphia Press.
Johnny goes to the ---- school, near
Halsted street. One day last week His
teacher asked for Il sentence nustrat-
Ing the paradox. After much mental
and physical wriggling, he handed in the
following; Billy. the foxy-lookin' kid.
came out of his mothers pantry lookin'
Shecpi~h Louisville Courcr-Journal.
SO you had a good time on that ex-
curSion, Mrs. Wiggins?'
oh. just grand"
Did You have any advcntures?"
l think So; ! got on the wrong train
gong lost my pocketbo0k and umbrella,
broke my spectaclcS twice. and got on
the wrong tram coming home. indian
apolis Journal
What think You Of the attractions in
me theatrrs this week.? asked Il thea
ter-gocr yesterday. oh" replied the
person addressed, The European Scnsa-
ton Burlrsqucrs may do for \ Free
Lance. but The Prodigal Daughter is