Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-05-02
THE TEACHER
Better to Have Loved and Lost Than
Never to Have Loved at All.


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T shall never forget the joy with
which l received the news Of my ap-
pointment. 1t was year after l left
the university. Mamma had contract
cd considerable debts. to keep me in
ST. Petersburg. Milasha, my sister,
was growing, and Kola was in GYM
nasium-in fine, mammals pension was
barely enough to make both ends meet,
and my salary had been looked for
ward to with Impotence. But, strange
to say, my first feeling as l received
my appointment as teacher in the fe-
male gymnasium of the city of n.
had nothing to do with the improve
ment in our economical status which it
implied. | remember that feeling so
clearly that it seems as II it had all
happened but an hour ago. Maybe it
is because of the occurrence which it
foreshadowed and which was destined
to leave such Il deep trace on my life
that recall it so wildly every time
think of it. However that may be,
the first exclamation which l made
mentally as l received letter an
nouncing my appointment was not,
"Now | shall have about 100 rublcs 4
month" but, "Now l shall teach a
class Of beautiful girls and fall in
love-
Do not laugh. If you had been
brought up under the same conditions,
you would be i'm a similar furry.
was what is called good boy and new
or left my books. When in ST. Peters
burg, ! was ever trembling lest
should fail to pass my examinations
and thus cause mother unnecessary eX-
pensc and worry. Besides, | had in
herited from my father a retiring, stu
dious nature, and the very thought of
young ladies would make my heart
beat fast with II feeling of diffidence
and timdity. However, had n vague
conviction that it would have to wear
off and that sooner or later | should
have to follow the course of all young
men-fall in love, propose marry and
become IL paterfamilinS. When | learn
cd about the gymnasium where was
to teach physics. | bchclu class made
up Of 20 or 80 beauties. Why all beau
ties | could not have explained. but
there they werc-all young and rosy
checked. all tall and all with bashful
blue eyes
|, too. grew bashful as thought of
them in their brown dresses and black
aprons. They lurcd me. caressed my
soul, agitatod my heart, threw me into
u disquicting ecstasy which was as
novel to me as it was sweet and pain
full.
| was to make my first appearance at
the gymnasium, and my first lesson
was in the highest class, which was
made up Of girls of II or Is. No stu
dent preparing for examination ever
trcmhlcd as did on that morning. 1t
Was AS if instead of scholars was to
face 20 or so ruthless examiners, each
with an incisye pair of eyes ready to
pouncc upon my poor bashful self. |
could hear them gigglc at my expense,
make jokes about my awkwardness.
my necktie, my looks.
When | entered the classroom, |
struck an attitude Of exaggerated Sc
verify. 10 prove to myself that
was not afraid of the girls spoke
rdiculously loud. l almost shouted.
AS | went on explaining the distinction
between chemistry and physics
froWned ON my class, looked daggers
at the front row and altogether be-
haved as if bore them a personal
grudgc.
Isn't he stern" I overheard one girl
whisper to another. a thrill of pride
ran through me. you're all right"
said to myself, and, clated with the I'M
preston i had produced, | began to
feel more at ease and to stride up and
down the room with the manner of an
old timer. | was in the seventh heav-
en-. Two girls were talking in the rear |
seats.
"Silence" Numbered.
There was Il suppressed chuckle at |
this, and my heart sank within me. |
was the most miserable wretch in the
world.
When l got home, lay down on my
lounge to think over did not know |
what, and as tried to pass the girls in
review it came over me that had not |
made. out single face. could not |
say whether they We're pretty or home
ly, dark or fair. \ blurred image of
young ladies in gymnasium uniform
was all had carried away
The next time l had lesson in the
same class l called out Mile. Ryshllina.
She had evidently given much time to
her lesson, but she had it all wrong,
and, strange to say, the more she blum
dereu the more liked to hear her re-
cite. 1t was so charming to hear her
so on with the explanation which she
did not understand herself. You should
have heard her rattle on about phe-
nomena and laws. TO judge from her
manner one would have thought she
was sure Of her ground and felt able