The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-05-04
Entertaining a Burglar
7 HAVE two peculiarities-anda wife
l with q will of her own.
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with a will of her own.
My wife's name is Maria.
I have not named the peculiarities
yet, though 1 expect to some day.
They have generic names, however.
One of them is timidity. lam not reck-
less and l do not want to be. / have
seen too many reckless men hustled
into untimely graves to be anxious to
emulate them. I saw Bill jenkins, who
was at Gettysburg, kicked into heaven
by mule. That settled my mind so far
as violent death is concerned.
Just here, however, my wife comes
in. She always does what don't want
her to. She thinks church "socials'
the essence of life, and declares she
she goes to the socials and stay at
home
The village is eight miles away, and
when she goes she stays all night with
one of the sisters" and takes our boy
with her. That is where my timidity
comes in to bother ME. have to stay
all night alone in big house, and l
don't like it. From the time that Maria
goes till she comes back worry con-
stantly about burglars, tramps, foot
pads and highwaymen. I never feel
secure until hear her dear familiar
voice singing out from the front gate:
"Well, Bill, haven't you got the wood
chopped yet?''
After that I brighten up good deal.
Well, the incident I am about to re-
late has to do with both my peculiari-
ties and my wife. There was church
social. Maria insisted on going, as
usual; and when Maria insists, I, as a
natural consequence, have nothing to
say. I let her 60, therefore. But
was unusually nervous at being left
all alone in dark house at night. 1
the proceeds of our hay crop, so load
ed the shotgun with a double load of
buckshot and placed it at the head of
my bed. hoped to be able to fire this
shotgun, or rather it's contents, into
any burglar who might chance my
way. I had never fired it, however, in
my life, and I am sure was as much
glar would be of the other.
< Night fell and retired to my cham
Der. did not undress and 90 to bed,
for I knew very well I would be I'M
able to sleep. So I sat down at the
open window and looked out at the
yellow moonlight of the autumn night
Though wide awake all the time, I
must have been exceedingly quiet, per-
haps more SO than would have been
in actual repose; for it was to a spot
near the window on the first floor,
directly under my own, that my at
tention was attracted about midnight.
AS the clock struck that lonely hour
1 heard a dull, rasping sound directly
beneath me, and guessed correctly
that my long-expected burglar had ar
rived. I peered over the window sill.
There he was beyond doubt. The
rasping sound was caused by a ladder
brushing against the side of the house.
He was placing it in position so that he
could climb into the very window at
which sat. No doubt he had noticed
that it was open and afforded an easy
entrance to the house. Otherwise
suppose he would have picked the lock
of one of the doors. I wish he had
done that. I have always had burn
ing curiosity to see lock picked.
have seen tooth picked, but I never
saw lock picked.
ing the ladder. He appeared to be
great, shaggy, unkempt rascal. The
shotgun was within five feet of me,
and 1 could undoubtedly have blown
his brains out then and there had the
thought occurred to me. But must
confess that the gentle arts of diplom-
acy are much more to my taste than
the horrors of war, so paused and
considered. I have often paused and
considered in my life without appre-
ciable effect; but on this occasion a
plan of action occurred to me so oppor-
timely that I regard it as Napoleonic
to this day. 1t was simply this: I,
too, would be burglar, and would Join
forces with the invader in robbing nv
own house. Such plan would I'M
doubtedly save my life, for they say
that there is honor among thieves. It
is we'll that there is, by the way. There
is mighty little among honest men.
My idea grew in my mind. Perhaps
I could do more than save my life.
knowing where all my valuables were,
could be of material use to my bur-
glar, and perhaps he would give me
something for my pains.
I slipped noiselessly down the back
stairs and out through the kitchen
door. Then 1 went to the corner of the
house and said "Hello!" in a sort of
whispered shout. never knew I could
brighten anybody before, but my
.salutation certainly had that effect on
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