St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1900-06-02
Entertaining a Burglar
I HAVE two peculiarities-an wife
/ with will of her own.

My wife's name is Maria.
l have not named the peculiarities
yet. though expect to some day.
They have generic names. however.
One of them is timidity. am not reck-
less and do not want to be. l have
seen too many reckless men hustled
into untimely graves to be anxious to
emulate them. | saw Bill jenkins. who
was at Gettysburg. kicked into heaven
by mule. That settled my mind so far
as violent death is concerned.
Just here. however, my wife comes
in She always does what don't want
her 10. She thinks church "socials"
the essence of life. and declares she
couldn't get along without them. So
she goes TO the socials and l stay at
home.
The village is eight miles away. and
when she goes she stays all night with
one of the sisters and takes our boy
with her. That is where my timidity
comes in to bother me. i have to stay
all night alone in big house. and /
don't like it. From the time that Maria
goes till she comes back | worry con-
stantiy Hhout burglars. tramps. foot
pads and highwaymen. j never feel
secure until / hear her dear familiar
voice singing out from the front gate:
well. Bill. haven't you got the wood
chopped yet?''
After that | brighten mp a good deal
Well the incident am about to re-
late has to do with both my pecnliari-
ties and my wife. There was church
social Maria insisted on going, as
usual; and when Maria insists. l. as a
natural consequence. have nothing to
say. let her 60. therefore. But /
was unusually nervous at being left
all alone in a dark house at night. l
had quite n sum of money in the house.
the proceeds of our hay crop. so load
ed the shotgun with double load of
buckshot and placed il at the head of
my bed. | hoped to be able to fire this
shotguns or rather its contents. into
any burglar who might chance my
my lifa and / am sure l was as much
afraid of the hind end Of it as any bur
glar would b.sof the other.
Night fell and l retired to my cham
her. / did not undress and 70 to bed.
for | knew very we'll | would be un- |
able to Sleep So / sat down at the
open window and looked out at the |
yellow moonlight OF the autumn night. |
Though wide awake all the time. | |
must hase been exceedingly quiet. per-
haps more so than | would have been |
in actual repose: for it was to SPOT |
near the window on the first floor. I
directly under my own. that my at |
tention was attracted about midnight. |
As the clock struck that lonely hour
] heard dull. rasping sound directly
beneath me- and guessed correctly |
that my long-expected burglar had ar
rived. | peered over the window sill.
There he was beyond a doubt. The
rasping sound was caused by a ladder
brushing against the side of the house.
He was placing it in position 50 that be
could Climb into the very window at
which sat. No doubt he had noticed
that II was open and afforded an easysI
entrance to the house Otherwise !
suppose he would have picked the lock
of one OF the doors / wish he had
dsne that. have always had burn
ing curiosity TO see lock picked. i
have seen a tooth picked. but / never
saw lock picked.
In few moments more he was climb
ing the ladder. He appeared to be a
great. shaggy. ulsFempt rascal. The
shotgun was within FIVE feet of me.
and | could undoubtedly have blown
his brains out then and there had the
thought occurred 10 me- Rnt mus.
confess that the gentle arts of diplom-
aey are much more to my taste than |
the horrors of war, so paused and
considered l have often paused and
considered IN my life without appre- ,
ciable effect: but on this occasion a ,
plan OF action occurred to me 50 oppor-
tuneiy that regard it as Napoleonic :
to this day II was simply this: I.
TOO. would be a burglar. and would ioin
forces with the invader in rohbing my
own honse- Such plan would un-
doubtediy save my life. for they say {
that there is honor among thieves. 1t 7
Is well that there is. by the way. There I
is mighty little. among honest men.
Ny idea grew in my mind. Perhaps I
could do more than save nv life
where all my valuables were
could be ofsmaterial use 10 my bur-
glar, and perhaps he would give me !
for mynssns. .
I.slipped noiselesslv down the back J
Itairs and out through the kitchen
door. Then went 10 the corner OF the
house and said .Hello.' in sort Of
whispered shout. never knew could | 1
Erighten anybody before. but NV II
situation certainly had that effect on s