Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-08-25
HOW He REDUCED THE FAT


said Nh Jobson after dinner one evening
about three weeks ago. I'm too fat
'Oh, don't know" said Mrs. Jobson,
sizing him UP refectively, with finger at
her lip.
BY the way said Mr.. Jobson, testify,
don't you think that If you tried real hard
you could eliminate some of that slang?'
Slang said Mrs. JobSon, surprised.
AWhat slang have made use off,
Never mind about what oh, you don't
Know, snapped Mr.. Jobson. TITS a won-
der You didn't follow that up by humming
You're Not So Warm But to get back
to this fat question. There's not a doubt
In life that I'm simply wheezily. stupidity,
lubberiy, grossly fat fat, and that's all
there Is about 1t. It's got SO that 1 can't
climb half dozen stairs without putting
and painting and snorting like hippopota-
mus, and I'm getting two or three chins
staff. I'm sight, that's what am. And
it's not only a matter Of looks alone, but
L m too fat for comfort or health
Really" said Mrs. Jobson, II don't
think you have taken on any more flesh
than is natural for man Of your build and
age. and"
Mr.. Jobson bounded from his chair. lit
MS pipe excitedly and then looked Mrs.
Jobson over sternly.
Men o. my age. eh? he broke out.
Look here, Mrs. Jobson, don't you think
it's pretty near time for you to cease
throwing out those constant digs with re-
gard to your husbands age? To hear you
talk any outsider'd be justified in supposing
That 1 m about three thousand five hundred
years OF age. You are perpetually exuding
remarkS-and before folks as often as not
calculated to persuade any person not con-
versant with the facts that your husband
was not only old enough to pack a musket
during the war of 1872, but that he was
pretty husky youngster at the time the
Boston tea party was pulled off. Permit
me to mildly suggest that you forbear from
making any further statements of that
character. If You yourself are possessed of
the peculiar belief that l was patted on the
head by Lafayette when that eminent
Frenchman visited the United States the
second time just be good enough to keep
tnat deluson to yourself, will you? More
over, 1t wouldn't damage you any if you'd
occasionally pause to reflect that time isn't
standing still for any of US, when 1t comes
to that. There are others that aren't pre-
cisely goslings, you'll remember"
why put in Mrs. Jobson, "alI l meant
was that 1t is only natural for a man to
increase in weight and girth as he gets old
err. and, really, / don't think your flesh
makes you look bad, if
Don't. hey?' interrupted Mr.. Jobson.
i nj glad m satisfactory to you, but it's
unfortunately the fact that there are
Whole lot of Other folks that L brush up
against that"
What do you care whether they think
you're too fat or too lean?" inquired Mrs.
Jobson.
Say, look here" broke out Mr.. Jobson.
after a pause, why is it that every time
L open up any kind of an old subject with
you, no matter whether it's important or
unimportant, you proceed to draw me into
an arguficatiOn with you about it? Don't
you suppose that I'm capable of knowing
whether I'm too fat not? Are you aware
of the fact that | weighed 211 pounds this
to be about 49,? Would you like to see me
keel over with fatty degeneration of the
heart, or apoplexy, or something like that?
Dye want to patrol around the streets Of
Washington with a man who looks like
captive balloon? Dye think it's pleasant
for me to traipse around putting and blow
ing like a stranded porpoise?"
We'll of course, when you put 1t that
way said Mrs. JObSOn. But how can you
help it? You really couldn't stand banting.
you know and that's silly, anyhow, for
just as soon as ever you stop bantng you
begin to take on flesh more rapidly than
ever, and all of these obesity-reducing
preparations that they advertise are"
1T just happens. however, broke in Mr..
Jobson, that I've had the luck to get hold
of an obesity-reducing preparation that
never has been advertised. but that's prob
ably the greatest thing that ever came over
the hills, nevertheless. Fellow that l met
in hotel lobby this afternoon was telling
me about it. He observed that ] was pant
ing and putting a lot when I entered the
hotel, after a short walk, and he very
c0urteously approached me and told me
about the way he used to pant and puff
himself before he happened, accidentally, TO
get hold of an Indian remedy for reducing
flesh. Said II at he used to weigh 23J
pounds, but that the Indian herb remedy
for reducing weight pulled him down to I'D
inside of month, and put him on edge,
physically, too-Said he never felt better IN
his life than he did after finishing the treat
ment and that he hadn't taken on an
ounce Of flesh since. He got hoid OF the
stuff way down in the Indian territory
said, and he strongly advised me TO try it
said he had some of 1t left over, and that
he could get it for me inside OF nfteen
minutes. if I'd wait till he came BACK. Ii
and 1 waited for him. He was a mighty
nice sort of a chap. He handed me this
package when he came back, ana m 60
ing to begin taking the stuff according 10
his instructions this very night and
Ibid he charge you anything for IT.
inquired Mrs. JobSOn.
"Oh we'll" replied Mr.. Jobson. jauntily,
''he didn't get this stuff from the Indian
chief down in the territory for nothing, you
know and ! was glad enough to reimburse
him for the $50 which he figured up he had
paid for the portion of the stuff he handed
me. and
son. why, the man was simply an every
was, hey?" cut in Mr. Jobson. We'll,
I guess not He was all right, in every par
you'd abandon that fixed belief of yours
that l am easy prey for every bunco man
that comes along. This stuff. went on
Mr. Jobson pulling a bulgy parcel out of
his coat pocket and opening it up revealing
a mass of brownish stuff that looked like
powdered icorice. this stuff Is the real
thing all right. and after I've taken it sys-
tematically for a couple Of months you
simply won't know me, that's ALL l figure
that it'll take about thirty pounds off of
my frame inside of two weeks, and a good
job it'll be, too. OF course, I'll have to get
q new outfit of clothes, but won't mind
little thing like that. You can just spare
yourself the joy of looking skeptical, If you
please. and 1 can easily dispense with the
remarks you are about to make with re-
gard to my frenzied determination to ruin
my health"
Mrs. Jobson did insert a few remarks of
that general character, nevertheless, but
they didn't phase Mr.. Jobson little bit.
He mixed lot of the brownish powder up
in quart bottle that very night, and took
his first dose before going to bed, making a
very wry face over it.
81 never knew any medicine yet that
amounted to anything that didn't taste
nasty, though he declared. and went to
bed, firmly convinced that he'd lose quite
a few pounds during the night. He swore
on the following morning that he felt fully
% per cent LESS loggy,'' and that he must
have gone down fully five pounds. but an