The Topeka state journal., 1900-11-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
It Pays to Advertise.-.What eve
| made you get that book? Why didn'
| you buy the one recommended? ?" "Bu
| the advertisement of this one covers
| whole page, and the book you spoke O
is only mentioned in a. little bit of {
| square down in one corner. Chicag'
| TimeS-Herald.
mo, I never take the newspaper
home; I've got a family of grown VI
| daughters, you know"
Papers too full of crime, eh?''
No; too full of bargain sales Col
| her's Weekly.
G. Ormandizer Struggling to carve
| the first turkey his wife has evel
| cooked)-Say, Mary, the bones in this
bird are thicker than a shad's-just hear
the knife grit.
Mrs. G. Ormandizer (almost crying
with anxiety)-You must be against the
shells, John.
Yes, John; don't you remember that
you asked me to stuff the turkey with
oysters? s?''-Brooklyn Life.
st ordered 200 pounds of ice today
remarked the young housekeeepr, "and
our iceman carried 1t up himself. That
shows he's strong, doesn't it?''
NO. snapped the lord of the manor,
''it shows that he weighed it himself" "
Philadelphia Record.
He-Oh, pray, Miss Darimple, don't
call me Mr. Brookes."
She-Oh, but our acquaintance has
been so brfef-this is so sudden
(sweetly)-why shouldn't call you Mr..
He-Oh, only because my names
Someset!-Punch.
Mrs. Soothing-I'm afraid you're going
70, = II ,a+ . eraV
Bin Bumpers-Ye didn't size me
gauge, lady. Two pence don't buy me
no drink. It jist gifts me taste.-Mod-
ern Society.
Willie (glancing' up from his book)-
Pa, what is a man-trap?
Pa-Well my son, the most effective
rocking chair in dark room.-Phladel-
phia. Press.
Friend-What is hope?
Poet-It's something that wakes you
up at O'Clock in the morning when the
postman doesn't come around till 10
Syracuse Herald.
Little Miss Ethel-And how much are
the guinea pigs, please?
Naturalist-Two and six apiece, miss
Little Miss Ethel-Oh, but we want
whole one.-Punch-
what is our duty in this crisis?'' de-
manded the observant boarder.
ITO mind our p's and queues replied
the cross-eyed Observation-Disclosures
Chronicle.
'It's danj'us," said Uncle Eben, ''to
git into de way O. complainin'. A man
kin allus stop wor.kin' to kick, but 1t
comes hahd to stop kickin' to work.
Washington Star.
1,~ir,c-- nov, o~a Gotta - 4s~5 ,,,,,,h
relaxation in putting a golf ball in the
hole after working hard all day putting
each other in the hole.-Detroit Journal.
You may be an ardent worker,
But no matter what you do,
Always watch the bther fellow,
For he may be working you.
Don't take any undue chances,
Always to yourself be true;
Work your neighbor on the quiet
While he's planning to work you
Chicago News.
''Have you any definite outline for
conversation, CIementine2"
Yes; when people call on me exert
myself; when l call on them I don t.
Journal.
'ewhen young felIers begins a
courtin'," said Farmer Haicede, s'they
jest gifts crazy, an thet thar boy Jim
o mine amt no exception.
mer Soanreep.
''Dash-dinged eff he didn't go inter
town yesterd'y an spend a null quarter
fur 2 teeth-brush. h.''-Philadelphia Press.
She. ct wonder why il is that so many
old maids have fat bank accounts?"
He. Probably for lack of anything
else, they husband their resources.''-
Brooklyn Life.
City Nephew what do you think
of DR.. Pillsbury as a physician? ?"
Farmer Hayroob- Safest doctor any
where in this part of the county-nearly
always off fishin when he's wanted."-
Judge.
what do you mean when you say
she lampooned her husband?'' asked the |
of the witness.
4 mean she threw a lighted lamp at
him." the witness xplained-PittSburg |
Chronicle-Telegraph
should wefuse me it would bweak me all |
up"
Miss Peppery. "Ah! but then, you're
so simple it would be easy to put you
together again. n.''-Philadelphia Press.
Her Choice. Kind Lady. "Here is a
dime. Now, promise me you will not go |
to that saloon over the way and spend |
Thirsty Thomas 'sI promise, lady. But
S there any special saloon in town you'd |
ike me to patronize ?''-Puck
Don't you find that Mr.. Aster's
Doems," said that young poets mis-
guided admirer, 'are tull of words that
ourn?'
s'weIl no. replied the editor, ''I never
put them to that test; I merely drop |
hem in the waste Observation-Disclosures |
Press.
yesterday our literary club discussed
Converse ton as Lost Art y
What was the final decision? 2"
"Oh such hubbub arose that nobody |
leard what anybody said.''-Indianap-
Ills journal.
seBut your wasted lffep' the friends Of
he Widow Sandys urged Can that be
orgiven?''