The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-09-09
Mr.. DOOley 4 Gm Troubles Of a Candidate.
BY F. p. dunno.
Copyrighted 900 by Robert Howard Russell,

~~N~~N~N~oNN~N-NN~N-~~oO~
ct wisht tn campaign was over said
Mr.. Dooley
Il wisht it'd begin" said Mr.. Hennessy.
IT niver knew anything so aad They
amt been so much as q black eye give or
took in tn ward an it's less thin two
months to tn big day"
Twill Hven up" said Mr.. Dooley, II
begin to see signs iv tn good times comm
again. Twas ony tn other day me frind
Tiddy RosenfeIt opened tn battle mildly
be msinuatin' that all Dimmycrats was
liars, horse thieves an arnychists. IT'S
thIue he apologized f'r that be explainn'
that he didn't mean all Dimmycrats, but
ony those that wudden't vote f'r Mack,
but think he'll take tn copper off befure
NANNY weeks. A ladin' Dimmy cratic ray
former has suggested that Mack, though
good man FIR an idiot, is surrounded
be tn Vilest scoundhrels liver see in pub
lie life since tn days " Joolyus Caesar.
TIL sicrety iv tn threasury has declared
that Mr. Bryan in sayin' that silver is
not convertible be tn terms " tn Slar-
thTy banlkin' law iv 1870 an tn sicond
clause " tn threaty iv GAINESVILLE has
committed tn onpard nable pollytical sin
" so consthructin' tn facts as to open
up III possibility iv wan not KNOWN tn
thrue position iv affairs misundhersthand-
In intirely. If he had him outside he'd
call him liar. The Republicans have
proved that Willum Jennings Bryan is q
thraitor be tn letther written be DR.. Lem
Stoggins tn, ciIlybrated anti-thought agy-
tatOr " Spooten Duyvil to Aggynald0o
in which he calls upon him to do naw-
THU Ill lie hears firm tn doc. TIL letther
was STINT through tn postal authorities,
an as they have established no postoffice
In Aggynaldoo's hat they cudden't deliver
It an they opened it.
Upon r-readin' tn letther Horace Plog
~ White Horse, Minnesota, has wrote to
Willum Jennings Bryan declarin' that If
he Plog) liver whit to tn Ph'lppeens,
which he wudve done but FIR tn way tn
oats was sp~outin' in tn stack, an had
been hit with bullet he'd ixpict tn cor
oner to hold Bryan to tn gran jury.
This was followed be tn publication iv
letther fr'm Oscar L. Swub iv East Per
sepalis, Ohio. declarin that his sister
heerd cousin of tn man that wash d
buggies I'm a livery stable in Canton say
Nack's hired man toll him Mack'd be
hanged befure he'd Withdraw tn ARMY
fl m Cuba.
"Oh, 1 guess tn campaign is dom as
wei as cud be iXpicted. l see tn Ray
puican pa-apers say that Andrew Car
negie has come out FIR Bryan an con-
thributed wan half iv his income of five
hundred millyon dollars to tn campaign
fund. In tn Dimmycratic pa-apers l
r-read that Chairman Jim Jones has in
Intercepted u letther firm tn Prince iv
Wales 10 Mack congratulatin' him on his
Rppintmint as gintleman in waitin to tn
queen. obligation 1v Nor
mons has started firm Dimmy-
cratic headquarters to thank
Mack f'r his manly shtand in favor iv
poly-gamy an tn Republican comfy
has undher consideration a letther frm
long term criminals advisin' their col
lagues at large to vote FIR Willum Jen-
nings Bryan, tn frind iv crime
"ln a few short weeks, Hinnissy twill
not be safe FIR ayther " tn candidates
to come out on tn fr-ront porch till tn
waitin' obligations has been sarched be
a polisman It's tn divvIe's own time th'
la-ads that r-runs FIR tn PRESIDENCY has
since that OF boy Burchard broke loose
again James G. Blaine Sinitor Jones
calls wan iv his thrusty hinchman to his
side an says he:
g Mike, pat on a pig-tan, an a blue
SHIRT an take obligation iv Chinnymen
out to Canton an congratulate Mack on
tn murdher ~ missionries in China
An he says, We might stop off at Gin
cinnat Oh tn way over an arrange FIR
a Mckinley an Rosenfelt club to ilict
III British consul its prIsidint an attack
tn office iv tn German newspaper, he
says Mark Hanna rings FIR his screty
an says he: Have yet got off tn lctther
firm George Fred Willums advisin' Ag-
gynaldoo to pizen tn wels?' Yes sir
An tn secret communication firm Bryan
found on an arnychist at Patterson ask
In him 10 blow up tn White House?'
It's in tn hands iv tn typewriter Thin
call up an emplymint agency an have
obligation Nv Jesuites dhrop in at Lin
coin, with a message firm tn pope pro-
posin to BURN all Protestant churches
the night befure iliction.'
Il tell ye, HInnissy, tn candydate is
kept movin. Whin he sees a obligation
pikiu UP tn lawn he must be r-ready
He makes 1lyin' leap fr tn chairman.
seizes him be tn throat an says: 4
thank ye FIR tn kind sintiments We have
conveyed. L am, indeed, as we have re-
marked, tn representative iv tn
party iy manhood, courage, liberal
ity an American TRADITIONS. Take that
back to mmy Jones an tell him to put
it in his pipe an smoke it.. With which
he bounds into tn house an locks tn
dure while tn baffled conspirators goes
down to a customer an changes their
disguise. If tn future prisidint hadn t
been quick on tn dhraw hid been COM