Crawford avalanche., 1900-01-04

1t Is said that burnt child breads
the fire. Probably that's why the pew
Unmarried man tries to avoid his old
flames.
Criticus docking at n picture of the
impressionist schooD-If that's high art
then I'm an Idiot. Cynicus--Weil. that
Is high art.
He Tin an argument-Well.t thank
goodness. I'm not two faced. She-You
ought to be thankful. One face like
yours is enough.
"Do you know that you talk in your
sleep. Henry?" asked Mrs. Peck. "Well.
do you begrudge me even those few
words? he snapped back. J
What is winter resort, Uncle JimY
"a winter resort? Well. any place you
60 where you don't let yourself think IL
Is as cold as 1t Is at home
"Alncher workln' now, jimmy"
"Naw. Strike" "Chee." Tree OF 'em.
strikes de ole man fer raise, he strikes
attitude. an den I strikes de side
walk"
Police officer Ito organ -grinder)-
"Have you license to play? If'no
you must accompany me-" Organ
grinder-"with pleasure! What will
you sing"
You haven't another cigar like the
one you gave me the other day, have
your "Yes; here's one" Thanks.
old man. I'm trying to break my boy
off smoking"
Emma--And. Charlie. DEAR would
you have really shot yourself il had
refused you? Charlie-Indeed. l would
had already sent to four gunsmiths
for price lists of revolvers. NJ "
Beggar to gentleman on the promen
ade)-Do You happen, sir, to have lost
your purse? Gent feeiing in his pock-
ets)-No! BcGgar-Then you can lei
me have little assistance.
1t is difficult for the belated c.abman
to realize that the towering female who
stands at the head of the stairs Is the
timid little girl who once tainted In his
arms at the sight of n mouse.
Miss Howler (who sings)-"That gen
tleman you just introduced me to said
he would give anything If he had my
voice. BY the way, what business does
he followt" Friend-"He's an auc-
tioneer."
Little Boy (writing to his scho0lmas
ter)-Everybody at home is delighted
with the progress have made at your
school. Why. when l came to you
knew nothing, and now. even in this
short time, know ten times as much.
Punch.
II remember as well as II il only
happened yesterday, that in my young
er days once walked twenty miles at
stretch for the purpose of thrashing
hated rival" .And did you return
on footy mo, they brought me back
in an ambulance"
Mrs. De Fine-"Here's my new bon
net. Isn't 1t darling? Only four
pounds ten shillingsy' Mr.. De Fine
Great snakes! You said bonnets could
be bought at from seven shillings and
sixpence up" Mrs. De Fine-"Yes,
dear. This Is one of the ups"
Nor said the cheerful man; "a
man can't be too careful about writing
Ltters." Il quite agree with you" re-
piled the nervous individual. II wrote
three once that have kept me In hot
water ever since'' Love letters. l
supposew "No. sir; 4 o D."
Pusher-"Gusher is not very happy in
his choice of adjectives." Usher
"Why so?" Pusher-"Miss Gumms
fshed for a compliment by asking him
what he thought of her slippers"
Usher-"And what did he say"
Pusher-"He said they were immense"
Kitchen Maid tat crockery shop
What! only half-crown tip? During
the past year have broken three soup
tureens, twenty-six cups, thirty-ive
saucers, five meat dishes, and fifty-six
plates. Shopman-Well, then, here's
another florin; and don't forget me, you
know.
Little Dot--'Mamma, 1 was playing
with your best tea set while you were
away, an when you bring 1t out for
company you'll be shocked, cause
you'll think one of the cups has hair
In It, but it isn't n hair" Mamma
what is itY Little Dot-"Its only
crack"
Good morning, uncle. How are you
to-dayY "Ah. nephew, l am well.
How are you!" "First-rate. Guess
what brought me here" "Oh, the old
story, 1 supposeg' "I'll bet you five
shillings you can't gucss!' I'm take
it! You came here to borrow some
money" you've lost! Pay me the
five shillings. ! only wanted to inquire
how aunt is to-dayr' saafo
A story is told of a British soldier In
Egypt. His colonel, observing him one
morning vending his way to camp with
a fine Egyptian rooster in his arms.
halted him to know if he had been steal
ing chickens. mo, Colonel" was the
reply; II just saw the old fellow sit
ting on the wall. and ordered him TO
crow for old England. and he wouldn't.
when confiscated him for rebel"
Traveller Ito an Irishman)-"Well,
Mike, / see you have a small garden"
Mike-"Yes. sorr." What are you go
ing to set In il for next season."
Nothing. sorr. l set IL with potatoes
last year, and not one OF them came
up" That's strange. How do you
explain it?' ''Wcll. sorr, the man next
-.