The Washington weekly post., 1900-04-10
The JERICHO POST-0FFIcE.
Pap Perkins. Postmaster, Tells How Abner
JaBes and List Killing. ~tsed Pat


Look her. pap. I've got sunthin on ms
mind. and / want to talk with you"
/ Measles or mumps among the child
ren?' 1 asks.
No. nuthin Of that scrt It's abou
f polilcs- I'm thinkin about runnin fol
1 constable or sunthin or other next lee
| uon. but don't see NY way clear"
y nat pears 10 be the trouble?'
Afgyment. pap-argyment. I've bir
/ Duyln ard shippin hogs fo- the last twen
y years and heven't paid no tenshun tc
/ poAIcs. Aebbe you hev noticed that
S4t here every night and don't skassly
epen my head. The rest Of EN- GO on aboui
me Monroe Doctrine. the gold standard
Tree silver. free trade, and all that, but ]
AT mix in I've got 10 mix in to git
Vii4ce- want to give Up hogs and 90 into
po.ltics- Pap, you must help me out"
But / m postmaster Of Jericho" says
ana lts forbidden for pcstmaSters TO talk
poiltics. II I'd lose this job OF mine al
a-o-yS 6 year. ] don't know what would
become Of ne"
But / m aslin IL as a personal favor,
pap he goes on. 'T'll swear on the Bible
never TO tell I've bin a friend Of your n.
ana now you've got 10 help me. What's
the Monroe Doctrine?''
wouldn't dast start in to tell Won. as
never studied UP on it. What don't con-
Germ the post-ofice, don't concern me. you
know"
see. but j thought you might at least
Know who Monroe was. When 1 hear Lish
81 nSs, Zach Scott EnOs Johnson, and
lE est Of EN- talkin' about Monroe and
II duTned old doctrine as glib as YOU
I-ease, II makes me b'ilin' mad. D'you
hho" anything about free trade. pap2"
Skassly. Bein' busy in the grocery and
post-oiiice, / don't so into outside things
very much.''
ana what about protection?"
same thing. ] reckon We are protected,
but jls, how 1 can't say"
But I've got tC find out all about these
tblnSs, and how am I guin' TO do it?'
asks Aoner, feelin' sort Of desperate.
why don't you g to Lish Billings?"
says l. "Lish is purity we'll posted and
will help you out"
But how kin 1? Lish wants TO run for
constable hisself, and he'd throw me down
in q minute"
Abner seemed sc concerned and anxious
mat felt sorry fur him, and after think
in it over ! says to him:
Look here, Abner. You had a great
grandfather"
Il must kev had."
And he fit ana died at Bunker Hill.
didn't he?"
He must hev. As night as kin learn.
ne was an old critter who was allus
around whar row was goin' on. and I'll
Det my boots he was at Bunker Hill. As
20 his dyin' thar. / can't say"
but you must say. You've got to put
II That he poured out his blood thar. That's
Your holt. Let free trade. protection. and
all the rest OF it alone and stand OH your
greet grandfather and his dyin' at Bunker
HILL That'l hit the crowd
say pap says Abner as he rises up
Win new cider smile on his face
you We struck it. ] see my way clear
ana the mint I'm 'lected constable TN
oflnS NY influence TO bear with the rr,v-
eminent to boost your salary. Keen mum
pap. III be around to-morrer night to
surprise the crowd
Inc next day it got around town that
Apnef Jones was goin' out of hogs and
golh INTO politics, and thar was a good
oedl OF Talk. Some folks argyed that he
cause ned done fairly well in hogs he'd
sit along all right as a politician. hut
Deacon Spooner was one cf the doubtful
ones
II don't folier," says he, "and YOU can't
MAKE II ioller. and unless Abner has got a
platform above hogs he'll never arouse
the enthusiasm OF Jericho"
IHe next eVelin' brung its crowd to tba
post-oHlce, and 1 was glad TO see that Ab-
iier Iace wore smile of confidence. /.
was 6lherally understood that he ard
l-lsh Billings wanted the same Office. and
II was felt that this evenin' would decide
tnihsS. Ihar was some scatterin' fslI
ABOUT mark Hanra, the Boer war and The
price OF calfskins, and then Enos Johnson
speaksiu up and says:
1 think I'm right in sayin' that tho no
riots assembled here this eyenin' bcy, tTo
pest interests of these United States OF
hedTL thlnk am, but I'm wilIin' 70
stand corrected" ~
Ehos' you're dead right and hev made
d slrohg INT, says Deacon Spooner as
NJ Nhachs MS c3ne ag'in a cracker barI
ana heVln the best interests of the
united States AT heart" continues Fnoc
~ DthooEes US 70 go a leetle slow ahnut
o otI hVA' constable and see that he is a
mum Representa- tive of the great and gIori-
Cun principles which have made America a
9Hillh example before the world. on he
halt OF my fellow patriots of Jericho
ASKS Abner Jones wnar he stands on the
question of free trade He needn't fan
over hlsseif in his hurry to answer. but
"nTh IL comes we want it plain
! am standin on that question tall " |
answers Abner. after a mint.
We druther you'd be on one side or |
otner continues Enos but mebbe that |
Won make so much difference. I've m
1erstood that Thomas Jefferson never |
could make w his mind as hatu,aon /
pumpkin pies and strawberry shortcalya
ana SO We won't press YOU How ahouf /
trusts Abner? That's one of the issues of |
-he campaign. and We want 10 know how
you stand" "
neither fur nor ag'in EN-"
But you've got TO be one vav or
| olner, same as man who sees a dog /
light" Nos
That's a pint, Enos-a strong pint"
says the deacon. as he hits the stoyepiDe /
light without takin sides"
But l amt standin," protests Abner-
not blt put out at the looks of surprise |
around him.
"Mebbe We might dodge around that.
oo,' says EnOs, but we've sartatn!v got
to know whar YOU stand on the silver
question It's what they terms of vital
nterest-thdI is, the Vitals of the United
states are at staEe-and you can't do no
.ooiin when Jhat's the case Jericho
- e-P D-- A-N- AA-llt4 ltGS, ADNtT. and asks Q
Ehdr you stand. Il NAV be that the fare
IF a nation depends uTon your answer
am standin'," replies Abner, as cool
Is can be.
But hain't you got no guidin' prinel-
1leS, no party platform? Hain't you fur
'unthln or 2Sln sUnthin' %'
Yes. I'm fur sunthin'. Pm standin' nat
IN my great-grandfather"
But that's no p'intw shouts the deacon /
Why, by jingo. If George Washington
lad stood pat on his great grandfather
L. never hev bin heard off,
And what about your great-grand-
ather2' asks EnOs In a keerful Way
He died al Bunker HILL" saws Abrer
Yes, sir, he poured out his blood right
hen ana thar that We might be free and
America might be what She is. and I'm
tandin' pat on his record"
Then II Is a p'intw yells the deacon as
IL tunks on the fiO0r with his cane s.It
urely is a pint BY lingo. Abner. Won
in 30 before the patriots OF Jericho on
h9f record and win every timer
Thar was good deal Of enthusiasm
round, and II looked as If the aSa uao
ettled fur good and all when Enos mo
Ions fur silence and saws:
We've got 10 hear from Iish RflUnss
ct He's bin chawin' dried apples anj
ayin' nuthin', but wed Ike 10 hear FROM
i'm. Will he tell this assembIaga whar
e Stands?'