The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1900-09-18
THE TOWEL MAN scoLDs.
He Gives the Guilty ONCE Girl Some
Information About His
Business.


The young man whose person was
gwathed in an impenetrable bandage
composed of multitudinous towels
stuck one hand out of his linen prison
and shook a sample of HIS collection
fiercely toward the young woman sit
ting before the typewriting machine.
DO you know what it is on this toweI?''
he asked, relates the Chicago Inter
Ocean.
The young woman looked sharply at
the multi-colored stains that had
broken out like a virulent rash on the
saffron surface of the towel in question.
"It looks like ink" she hazarded.
And that's what it is" said the man.
"Eed ink, black ink, blue ink, green
ink. How'd it get there?"
The young woman squirmed un-
easily. my goodness" she said. How
should know? 1 didn't put it there.
The man ceased o wave his war flag
and held aloft a clean towel as a sign
of truce. I'm glad to hear that,'' he
said. Il thought mebbe you did know.
l thought mebbe you put it there your
self. The girls seem to think towels
are made just for straining ink and
such things. My, OH, my, the uses that
Office towels are put to. BoOtblacks
use them to polish shoes, scrub women
take them for floor cloths and dust
rags, and you girls use them Tor hIOt-
tiers, sponges, machine rags and general
utility purposes. Sometimes one of you
will try to wriggle out when accused
of the mischief you've done, but it's
no use to crawfsh to me. 1 can tell
the guilty one every pop. It's fun,
though, to hear what some of you will
say when cornered. Why, there was
young woman up on the sixth floor
of this building who ran out of work
the other day, and what did she do but
dabble the Office towels around in a
puddle of purple ink for a pastime.
When / came around on my collecting
tour I asked her about it. And what
do You suppose she said? Well, sir,
she swore up and down that she had
had the nosebleed and had used all
those towels to wipe her nose on.
Wouldn't that jar you? You ought
to have heard me talk to her. I laid
down the law to the queens taste.
Holy smoke!' said /. You've got the
funniest-colored blood 1 ever saw. And
it's wonder to me- said 1, that you
don't literally welter in your own gore
a-losin' so much blood as this at one
time The girl had backbone and
wouldn't own up, but knew all those
purple spots were ink just as well as il
l had seen her playin' it.
''If you girls knew the first thing
about the towel-supply business" the
man went on in an aggTieved tone,
''yOu would be more careful, upon my
word you would. just let me give you
a few statistics as a moral guidance.
The firm I work for puts good ma
teriaI into their towels-material that,
with ordinary usage would last a year,
but which, with the abuse an office
towel Is subjected to, is worn into tat
ters in three months. Somehow, shoe
polish and ink will eat holes right
through the strongest of toweling Our
firm handles about $4,000 towels a
monthr-that means 100000 in three
months. Now, if you girls would be
reasonably careful, those 100000 tow
els would last a year, easily, but with
your reckless, eXtravagant ways, we
have to lay in new stock four times
a year, which brings the figure up to
100000 towels that we have to make
every II months. And that, mind you,
is the number handled by one firm
alone. When you multiply that by the
dozen or more other concerns in the
same business you have total of at
least 100000 towels. that are de-
stroyed.e veryyear by the indiscriminate
and even criminal use of ink and shoe
backing. Sometimes l think YOU girls
must be in league with the linen mills
SO that they can get a chance to sell
us towel folks 100000 yards of goods
each year, instead of 100000 yards,
which we could get along with if you
girls were not so destructive, and would
do the right thing by us"
The girl at the typewriter machine
turned pale.
sob, dear" she said. 'I had no idea
that the tOwel-supply business had at
tanned such gigantic proportions. I
feel for all the world like a thief OF
a murderer. I'll furnish my own tow.
els after this