The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1900-12-08

merchant priced them at ten cents.
"Trow in de crackers?' asked the darky.
The merchant nodded, and a bargain
was struck. The darky went out in
front of the store, sat down on a dry
goods box. took out his knife and
crackers, opened his box, and laid out
for a good time. He didn't seem to like
the looks of the cheese at first, but he
had paid for 1t. and he had bought 1t
to eat. He spread 1t on his crackers
with his knife, and ate until 1T was ali
gone He then scraped out the box.
wiped the knife on his cracker. and put
the cracker in his mouth. The mer-
chant, who had watched him, asked
him how he liked his cheese. We'll,
boss Dave replied. de crackers was
mighty good, an de cheese was cheap
enough, an l 'specks 1t We're mighty
wholesome. but fo' God, boss, dat was
de ransomest cheese l eber has eat
yet"
Then came the nubbin. "Now. Mr..
Chairman" commented Allen, II have
no doubt that If a proposition We're
pending here to prevent the sale of
axle grease for cheese the gentleman
from South Carolina would deliver us
a scientific lecture and try to per-
suade us it was much better and more
wholesome than cheese. and that it
would be great outrage on the lab
oring man to suppress the fraud"
A speech that rang throughout the
country was that directed against the
custom of burying dead congressman
at the expense of the nation. 1t was
delivered on June II, 1886. After
carefully analyzing from the record
the expense attending such a burial,
he continued: "Sir. dead congress-
man has become a very expensive lux
ury to the American people. If we die
paupars it Is our own fault. We get
a salary of $4,000 per year, with four
times as much for mileage as it ac-
tually costs us, and five times as much
for stationery as we use. Any men,
ber here could save enough from his
mileage and stationery account to
give him a decent funeral and burial.
Just think of it. We take sum Of
money which represents the full gross
earnings of sixty workingmen for a
whole year to make a great show and
bury a congressman"
1t was an argument that ought to
have produced fruit, but it didn't. Ten
years afterward the nation buried a
dead millionaire senator at an expense
Of over $20.00O
When his proposition was defeated
Mr.. Allen said that the result of the
vote convinced him that most of the
members present expected to die in the
public service and to have a gorgeous
funeral and an enthusiastic burial at
government expense. He assured
them that if such was their hope they
had better die very soon. or change
their course on such questions. in
his Judgment. their policy, if persisted
in, would relegate many of them to
private life before they got their flu
neral expenses paid.
In the ensuing short session Mr.. AL
len said that his remarks on congress
sional funerals had evidently made a
deep impression on the country, as
he had been returned to the house by
an increased majority. IT will re-
peat" he continued, "what one of my
old friends said to me on my return
home last summer. He met me, and
after congratulating me on the very
brilliant record j had made in con-
gress. he said: And, John, old fel-
low, we read your speech about the
congressional funerals. and the people
all indorse what you said. You are
exactly right. and you tell->them fell
lows up there in congress that if You
die while you are there you do not
ask them to bury you. You have
plenty of friends down here who will
take great pleasure in doing that for
you.'"
These are excerpts from Aliens rec
ord in the Forty-ninth congress. They
indicate cheerful disposition and u
due regard for national interests.
When such man voluntarily relin-
quishes a public career and retires TO
the classic precincts of Tupelo, the
nations loss becomes Tupelo's gain.
1t will he many a year before Il true
successor to John Allen is developed
in congress. Amos j. Cummings.