Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-03-01
THE JOLLY BEST MAN.
HE TELLS WHAT HEAPS OF FUN HE
HAS HAD AT WEDDINGS.
His Experiences, ms lie Relates
Them, Also Explain why lie Re-
mains, ms tie says He Always VIII
Remain. Free and Easy Bachelor.

Them, Also Explain why lie Re-
mains, MS tie Says He Always VIII
Remain. Free and Easy Bachelor.
This said the bachelor, 'has been
my busy week. I'm it for two weddings.
and I've been attending to my duties as
best man. The weddings aren't due for
several days, but the arduous duties of
my role began ten days ago. I'll never
get married. No, street If there
wasn't any other reason, why, I'd never
have the cruelty to ask friend of mine
to go through the troubles of n best man.
I've been through them too often myself.
In the first place, they
"WhoY
oh, the individuals commonly refer
red to as the happy man Happy!
lou never saw such good imitation Of
blue funk a. Il bridegroom 90 be can give
during his last week of bachelorhJod
His mental and moral teeth are all of a
chatter, and he clngs to his best man
like II prisoner to his last hope I've
jollied n dozen of them through that in
tcrcsting period, and I've seen good.
sensible, hard headed fellows go clean
DAFT before they got through.
"I'll never forget one chap. The wed
ding was to be at II o'clock. and of
course We were out in the vcStry II quar-
ter Of an hour ahead Of time, so as to
be sure to be ready. That is one add
vantage the man has. He can drive
there with Il lcisurcly margin to spare.
but the bride e. to time her trip so as
to get to the front door as nearly as pos
siblc on the stroke of the hour. or
course she doesn't want TO wait around
the vestibuc, so she is generally at least
few minutes late.
But bless you. the bridegroom never
thinks of that He just walks holes in
the vestry carpet. eats the ends off his
glove fingers and hullyrass the longsulfcr-
ing best man. This particular chap began
to fumc about five minutes before II
o'clock. At three minutes to II he was
white with terror. Which his watch show
ed the very hour. he began saying things.
"'She amt coming" he snapped out. L
won't wait
eco way with you" said. Did you
think She was so anxious 10 have You
that she'd come down here at dNybreal;
to be sure to be on tlmcT
"'Hut It's past the time now he pro-
tested, showing me his watch, which indi-
Gated 30 seconds after II. learned later
to get hold Of the happy mans watch be-
foic we went to the church and turn it
back from = to 20 minutes, according
to his condition. This time, unhappily.
hadn't done so. and the poor fellow sim
ply got more frightened with every tick
of his watch. At two minutes after II he
made a dive for the door.
81 won't wait. he said when caught
him by the arm. 4 tell you won't wait
to he made u laughing stock Of. Those
people in there jerking his thumb to-
ward the church. 'ale talking about it
now. | can hear them. They know sac
won't come. tell you won't say
"'But | tell you she'll he here in n few
minutes | protested. She's only a little
late
"'Well. then. il she's late she isn't
worth waiting for anyway. I-she'-
"IIc was just blethcrinG idiot by that
time. you know. and | simply restrained
him by force for n few minutes until we
were notified that the young lazy had ar
rived. Then | wiped the cold pcrspira-
ton from his forehead and from mine.
addressed him in n few bracing phrases
which shriveled the paper on the vestry
walls, took him by his arm-limp it was
ms a rag-and steered him into the
church.
why, you've no idea of the number Of
against the week before he is married
I'll never for get the first time one Of
them came to me to be rescued from the
hat problem. He had that look Of utter
despair I've So often seen on their faces
poor things. He looked as if he was say
ing:
"I'vc put mp with every hing. and I've
been as meek as a Christian martyr, but
Tho worm lnr Turmoil
"What he did say was, How do l get
my hat"
"rlat| I said.
"'Thats what I said. he declared
How do get my hat? Tell me that. will!
youT
BEG or borrow it, my dear fellow |
said, recovering ify self and trying to be
Factions That is the favorite method
of obtaining it, don't advise you to
steal one unless you want To do comic
opera act and pass your wedding eve in
the county Jail
"'Don't get gay he said briefly, but
tell me how am to get my hat after the
ceremony is over. I've had a slecpless
night over that thing. ! so into the
church by the back door. don't /? And l
- out by the front door. Now, how do |
gct my hat when | 60 outT he persisted,
hi, voice getting higher. i can't take it
TO the altar with ne. and ] can't ask to
be excused after the ceremony so that |
can run back to the vestry and get it,.
What am | going to do, l want to know
well now, you know, most people
don't think of those little things until
they run right up against them, but tell
you when bridegroom to be meets a
problem. even il it's one that wouldn't
fcaze an infant, he just topples back on
to his best man and bowls for help. I've
got two of them on my hands now, and
the two of them together won't be as
happy as shall be when their carriage
doors have both banged shut and they
are off on their honeymoons. | don't
know what excuse other people have for
that tired feeling, but the best man at a
wedding needs no other excuse. Seattle
Post-Intellgencer.
Comparative Success.