The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1900-07-14
INTO HER OWN TRAP.
That II why This Man Now Goes
Home at Any Hour He
PIeases.

AT the llOlti IuuliadNf dhAs h1s.t'Nf ~
gentlemen OF the middle-aged, bald
headed genus were tagging behind in
the reception hall. the younger menu
bers of the society having taken their
seats at the tables in the ordinary. All
were chatting and laughing with vim
that would have put the woman's whist
congress to shame, says the Detroit
Free Press.
II go home any time in the morning
/ choose TO, now" said dapper little
man. my wife molests me not Her
Caudle curtain lectures are reserved
for some future occasion, presume,
but at present I'm safe.
"This is how such a state of things
came to pass: returned from lodge
banquet the other evening, expecting
TO meet the usual white-robed recep-
ton committee at the top of the stairs.
/ took off my shoes and creaked stealth
lily TO my room, adjoining that of my
wife, without being compelled to run
the usual disagreeable gauntlet.
"I chuckled inaudibly and shook
hands with myself as l disrobed and
lay me down 10 dream of squads on
toast and broiled shad, as well as other
things that weighted down my digestive
apparatus, but my mind was as clear as
a bell.
81 was TRANQUILITY gliding away into
n doze TO the imaginary strains OF
'Margery' when i was aroused by n
most unusual-a most lugubrious-
noise. IL sounded like the caving in OF
n potato bin, and then there was a
raucous shrek, almost masculine in
its intonation, and crash against my
door that shook the house. / leaped out
of bed, and with my scattered hairs
standing at an angle of As degrees trem-
blingly opened the door.
"a white object Of liberal dimensions
lay prone upon the floor, embracing a
dark object that looked like an apple
butter caldron, and bits of something
that felt like broken glass pricked my
bare feet. Before i could get my rigid
tongue in articulating condition the
large object wrested itself from the
black mass, which fell with crash TO
the floor, and limped nimbiy into my
wife's apartment.
81 could not distinguish M. surround
ings in the gray morning twilight, and
so strucka match. A coal scuttle which
had taken all the veneering off the
lower part of my door lay upturned
before me. and all around was sea OF
nut coal that had played havoc with the
brussels carpet as well as my nerves.
A bust OF Minerva had fallen off n
bracket and added its remains to the
debris.
II tried TO get irto my wife's room,
but the door was locked. Greatly non
plused, sought my couch and ftfully
dreamed of filet ds boeuf served with
charcoal until breakfast time. When
the morning meal was served, my wife,
as is not usually the case, joined me.
She was all smiles and seemed infinitely
amused Mt something. She is pretty
good fellow after all, and after ask
ing for an explanation of the nocturnal
my sweet repose into hideous night
mare up and told me the whole thing.
"She said she had sat at the top OF
the stairs waiting for me until she fell
into deep slumber. Finally she
awoke, and bright idea struck her.
With great difficulty she carried large
scuttle of coal upstairs and set IL at
my chamber door, thinking that OF
course as usual would stumble around
and consequently trip over 1t, thus Civ
ing the alarm.
Fortunately 1 unwittingly steered
clear of the object, but when three
o'clock rolled around she became
alarmed at my hardness, and irate Wig
lance changed to tender concern.
Creeping out of bed, she made her way
to my door, entirely forgetting the
grim impediment that blocked its en-
trance, with the result related here
tofore. One OF her knees was badly
mutilated and she was otherwise shaken
up, but she was so glad to learn that I
had returned safe and sound and able
TO hear alarms she didn't scold n bit.
i agreed not TO tease her about IL il she
would promise to leave me alone in the
| future, no matter what time came in
-xghfah che 1fI