davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
CONCERNING CONGRESSMEn

Senator Cullom is said to present
more petitions in the senate than any
other member of that body, and it is
very unusual thing for a week to
pass without several being submitted
by him.
Senators Platt, of New York, and
Platt, of Connecticut, are both expert
weather prophets. It is related of the
former that he once made and won q
bet with the weather man at the SEN
ate end of the capitol that certain
prediction of the weather man would
not come true.
The loudest speakers in congress-
are Senator Tillman and Representa-
tive Brosius. Mr.. Brosius speaks with
q long, deep roar, while Senator Till
man, when thoroughly wrought up to
his subject, speaks in spasmodic
shrieks. 49,.
Several members of the house OF
. representatives are shorthand writer's
OF more or less skill. Many of those
who are lawyers studied 'stenography
for convenience and effectiveness in
making notes. One of the most skill
full Of these writer's is Mr.. Hit, of iii.
uois,
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
HE WAS AGR REEABLE..
Would Let the Old Uncle shoot II
He Found Him In Such
Position. ~ zN &@~/ =.

This young fellow is engaged to pretty
Detroit girl, but they don't care to publish
the bans until after. Lent: This disturbs
an irascible old uncle of hers, who has
daughter Of his own, too much after his
own style to be favorite. He took it upon
himself TO send for the young man the 9TH
er day.
Are you going to marry that niece OF
mine he asked, sternly, when they were
alone in the inner Office.
Pardon me, sir, but must decline to
answer. She has father and mother,
and I'm on good terms with them. l fail
to see that it is your affair.""
There's whole lot that you fail to see.
young man. I'm really the head of our
family, and I'll not shirk my duty. Her
parents are q couple Of chumps. Are you
or are you not engaged?"
"Tou force me to say, sir, that it is none
of your Internal business and that you are
just what | heard you were, a sour, cross.
grained old culmudgeon."
See here, sonny, I'll not handy words
with the likes Of you, but if you had been
going with my daughter as long as you have
my niece, wouldn't do thing but put a
revolver to your head, informing you that
if you didn't marry her I'd Shoot -.
And Ed beg of you to shoot. ."-Detroit
Free Press.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Mr.. T. G.. Walker, Carneiro, Kansas,
writes: "lt is with pleasure that report
that l am better than I have been for many
years. I believe PerunA is without doubt
the best medicine that ever was used in a
family. It has cured my nervousness, with
which I have been afflicted for great mum.
Der of years."
1t is fact of ever-increasing astonish-
ment that so many otherwise sensible and
provident people will, for the neglect of so
simple precaution as to have bottle of
Peruna at hand, bring upon themselves the
needless suffering and foolish expense that
a practitioner of medicine, is forced to wit
ness every day.
AS soon as the value of Peruna is fully ap-
preciated by every household, both as pre-
ventive and cure of these affections, tens of
thousands of lives will be saved, and hun
dreds of thousands of chronic, lingering
cases of disease prevented. Peruna is the
household safeguard.
A complete work ON chronic catarrh sent
free to any address by the Peruna Medicine
Company, Columbus, Ohio
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Taken Literally.

It was only playfully that she re-
ferred to her husband as "a regular
heathen," but it is always we'll to
label such remarks when made in the
presence of children.
The little one who overheard this
remark trotted away to Sunday school
Immediately thereafter, and in some
way the subject of attendance at
church came up in the class that
day.
MY papa doesn't co." volunteered
the little one.
MOP" returned the teacher inquir.
ingly.
"Oh, no. He's heather, you
know Chicago Post.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
A SUCCESSFUL FARMER.

Within three miles of the town 60
ing eastward is the farm of Mr.. w.
Creamer, one of the municipalities
largest and most prosperous mixed
farmers. Mr.. Creamer came to this
country in 1880 and settled on a por-
ton Of the land which comprises his
present enormous farm of 1880 acres.
In common with many others of
similar period he experienced all the
hardships and difficulties common to
the absence of railway and market IA
cilities. In no wise daunted, by en-
ergy, industry and indomitable will
he has been able to surmount all OBJ
stacles and has achieved an unpar-
alleled success, and is known through
out the district as one of it's preemi-
nent farmers. His operations extend
thought alone of so much land makes
the eastern farmer dizzy); 800 acres
of this is broken and the remainder
is excellent pasture land and wood.
This harvest he took off a crop of
500 acres of wheat and 200 of other
grains. Four hundred acres are
plowed and ready for wheat. next
spring. Mr.. Creamer is, as has been
stated, mixed farmer of no mean
proportions, having at the present
time 40 horses, 60 head of cattle and
so pigs. The most modern farm
buildings are found on his premises,
the main building being a barn IS
feet square on stone foundation
containing stabling for 16 horses and
large number of cattle. The loft
is stored with 20 loads of sheaf oats
for feed and tons of hay; there is
also a cutting box. Another building
of large dimensions is the granary, in
which after teaming large quantities
to market he still has stored 5000
bushels of wheat. A crushing ma
chine is in the building. There are a
number of lesser buildings contain
ing chicken house, pig pens and cattle
sheds. The farm residence is hand
some frame structure of ample pro-
portions, in connection with it is a
wood shed. The water supply is un-
excelled; besides house supply there
is we'll in the stables and never
failing spring situate in q bluff, which
never freezes. Surrounded by thick
bluff of poplars, extending in semi
circle to the west, north and east,
the winter storms are broken and ac-
emulation of snow unknown. Added
to his farming operations, Mr.. Cream
er conducts threshing outfit for the
season. His success is only one in
stance of what can be accomplished
in Western Canada.-Baldur (Man.)
| Gazette, Nov. 10th, 1899.
Thousands are going to Western
Canada this year to take advantage OF
the free homestead laws that are be-
ing offered by the government.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
AMERICAN ENTERPRISE.

The pastor of the First Presbyte-
rian church at Pine Bluff, Ark, was
telling his congregation of his trav-
els in the Holy Land, and closed his
remarks with this incident, illustrat-
ing American enterprise: "When at
Jacobs Welr he drew therefrom with
his own hands a bucket of water:
after doing so and looking at the tin
bucket, he found it was lard bucket
with the name of Swift and Com
pany' branded on same, which was
the same as he had seen in Pine Bluff
many times. s."-Kansas City Gazette.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
CURRENT TOPICS.

under construction.
The United States and Canada con-
tain 100000 coal miners.
Senator Hanna wants an elevator
put in the white house.
Ex-Congressman Tom L. johnson
will soon return to Cleveland to live.
There is talk in Jackson, Miss, of
turning the old statehouse into q
hotel.
The first Indian regiment to don
khaki became known as the "dust-
men,"
London spends $40 year on the
education of each child in the public
schools.
During 1898, 27s,s29 pounds of good
ivory were brought to the markets
of Zanzibar.
Gen. Wheeler has brought home a
collection of Philippine curios valued
at considerable sum.
1t is stated the Beers test every rifle
bought, but the British buyers for the
army only l per cent.
To South African oxen the tulip
plant, which the beasts greedily de-
YOUR, is a rank poison.
Monroe, Ga, is to have another cot
ton mill. The entire capital stock OF
SIS 900 has been subscribed.
The new automobile stages running
on Fifth avenue, New York, are built
to accommodate just thirteen per.
sons.
The Duke of Newcastle, one of Eng
lands richest peers, owns a London
newspaper and writes for it contin.
ually.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Feminine Consistency.

Mrs. Greene They do say that Mr. Slyder
CANDLES. Isn't it awful?
Mrs. Gray-I should say it was. Why,
it's almost as bad as stealing. If he wins,
he robs some other man; if he loses, he
robs his family.
"At any rate, it is terribly wicked. By
the way forgot to tell you won the first
prize at the whist tournament last night
a beautiful silver cup"
you!"-Boston' Transcript.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
The Ideal Man.

There is much rivalry between the various
colleges as to which will produce the ideal
man: BY this they mean vigorous, honest,
intellectual man, who will make the world
better for having lived. Health will demand
first consideration, for upon that depends
Bitters will keep the bowels regular and the
stomach healthy by curing all stomach dis.
orders. It also prevents malaria, fever and
ague. Try it.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
WHAT ALABASTINE IL.

:. .Alabastine is the original and only dur
able wall coating on the market. It is
arations. Alabastine is made ready for
use in white or fourteen beautiful tinta
by the addition of cold water. 1t 10 put
up In dry powdered form, in packages,
every package It takes the place Of seal
ing kalsomines, wall paper and paint for
walls. Alabastine can be used on plaster.
brush It on. ,rf'I- d.. %s
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Tor the INTERIOR
w rites from
w shi t o n,
D. c., to DR..
Hartman, Colum-
bus, Ohio, as fol-
lows: "rve Of
ten heard of your
great medicine
and have per-
suaded my wife,
who has been
much of a suffer-
er from catarrh,
to try Peruna,
and after using
one bottle she
has wonderfully
improved. 1t has
proved all you
h ave claim ed
for it, and I take
pleasure In rec
ommending it to
orvyo~0 1x,h0 3c of
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
WHAT seEkALsOMINEs'' ARE.

Kalsomines are cheap and temporary
preparation, manufactured from whiting.
chalks, clays. etc. They are stuck on the
walls with decaying animal glue. Ala
basttne is not a kalsomine. It Is a rock
base cement, which sets. and it hardens
with age. It can be re-coated and re-
decorated without having to wash and
scrape of its old coats. Alabastine is
utilized to great extent in hospitals, az
It prevents the accumulation of dirt and
distnfectant In it, naturo. S
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
CHURCHES AND scHooLHousEs.

The interior walls of churches, school,
houses and all public halls should never
be coated with anything but the durable
and pure ;Alabastine. So evident has this
fact become. that hundreds Of tons are
used annually for this work. The genu-
It It is cieaniy during ring the long period Of it's
usefulness. Every owner Of a building
should use it. Ask your paint dealer or
druggist for card of tints, and write for
Alabastine Co., Grand Rapids, Mich.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
HOw's ThlsY

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured
by Halls Catarrh Cure
+: J. Cheney & Co., Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known F. !.
Cheney for the last Is years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transac-
tions and financially able to carry out any
obligations made by their firm.
West T. Truax, Wholesale Druggists, To-
ledo, o.
Walding, Kinnan & Marvin, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, 0.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces Of the system. Price 75c per bot
tie. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials
free.
Halls Family Pills are the best,
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Some of the delights of single blessedness
were discovered by British bachelor who
a thimble. When the needle was partly
through the cloth he would force it further
by pressing the shank against the wall; then
he would aid the movement by dragging the
needle forward with his .teeth. He was
engaged in the latter part of the perform
ance when his teeth slipped from the needle
and he fell backward from his chair to the
floor, breaking his collar-bone.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
REJECT THE tsJUsT AS GOOD,

The dealer who tells you that he can
sell you the same thing as Alabastine
or something just as good" either is
not posted or is trying to deceive you. In
Offering something he has bought cheap
and Is trying to sell on Alabastine's de-
mands, he may not realize the danger to
himself as well as to you. Beware OF
all new substitutes. Dealers risk suit
for damages by, selling and consumers BY
using an infringement. AlAbastine Co. own
the right to make and sell wall coaingS
adapted 20 mix with cold water. 5. s. /,
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Ghost of the Glacier

And Other Tales, including Making Revo-
luton, Susquehanna Trail, Sculpture of the
Ellis, Once a Pillar of the World, Feathers of
Fashion, and others. A delightful volume,
beautifully illustrated. Ready for distribu.
ton about May l. Send 10 cents to T. w.
Lee, General Passenger Agent Lackawanna
Railroad, 26 Exchange Place, New York
City. Edition Limited.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

band like dear John," said the widow. "I
know" replied the persistent suitor. But
wouldn't you like an entirely different one,
just by way of contrast t?"-Philadelphia
North American.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

The doomed man had last request tn
make. "Pray do mot tell my parents" he
implored. that was hanged" what
shall we say killed you, them" we asked,
the wretehcd fellow, with loud laugh
Detroit Journal
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Similar But Different.

Mrs. Blinks-There's hardly any liv-
ing with my husband; he doesn't
know anything.
Mrs. Winks-There's no living at all
with my husband; he knows every.
thing.-Chicago Evening News.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Why They Were Noisy.

"Here, here! What are you little girls
making 50 much noise about?" exclaimed the
little girls papa, looking up from his paper.
"We're just playing we re mamma S whist
party" chorused the Little girls Philadel-
phia Record.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
In NewSbOy'8 Alley,

"You's de inside of a bunghole!" yelled
Jimmy.
"You's de center of cruller!" retorted
Micky.-Chicago Evening News.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Evidence of n Bill.

"a man with bill" announced the
court chamberlain.
The king was visibly startled.
"He must be bird!" exclaimed his
majesty, thinking of the rigorous measures
he had taken to prevent creditors approach.
ing the royal person.-Detroit Journal.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

An Ohio genius has invented chair that
can be adjusted to 1000 different positions.
1t is designed for the small boy to sit in
when he goes to church.-Bufalo Express.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Ella-"I am carried away by Tennyson's
copy in the house" Town Topics.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Fond OF r:Or1eN

Hoax-Klumsy is very fond of horses, isn't
he?
Joax-1f he is it's something new
"Well, saw him out riding the other day,
and he had both arms around the horse
neck. k."-Philadelphia Record.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
You Can Get Aliens Foot-Ease FREE.

You Con Get Aliens F0Ot-E0Se FHEE.
Write today to Allen s: Olmsted, Leroy,
N. Y, for FREE sample of Aliens Foot
Ease, powder to shake into your shoes. It
cures chilblains, sweating, damp, swollen,
aching feet. 1t makes New or tight shoes
ions. All druggists and shoe stores sell it. Csc.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Necessity is said to be the mother of in
vention, but is not oftentimes invention
the mother of necessity? Most inventors
60 broke.-Boston Transcript.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Good EnEaxemenf.

First Veteran Actor-Well, how goes it !
Good engagement, l suppose good pay?
Second Veteran Actor-Well, old friend,
you know how these things are. Salary,
properly. speaking, l don't get, but I eat the
ond act-N. Y. World.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Piso's Cure cured me of Throat and
Lung trouble of three years standing.-E
Cady, Huntington, Ind, Nov. II, 1894.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

When man has day to himself he cant
wSen vS 6e was H 5ns nass ns 1VsE e6e
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
An Overworked Bird.

Dorothy-Our Audubon club had love.
~ meeting this afternoon.
''Oh, We passed an enthusiastic resolu.
ton appointing committee to take immedi.
act steps-.right off, you know-for the pro-
lection of the cuckoo"
..The cuckoo?"
eyes, papa; in the cuckoo clock, you
know. detroit Free Press.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

How My Throat Hurts!-Why don't you
use Hale's Honey of Horehound and Tar:
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Don't give up bill for lost. The fellow
may get married and make it good.-Wash
ington Ua.) Democrat.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

It takes two to quarrel; but some folks
don't seem to have much trouble finding
the other one.-Puck.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Some pretty girls are so vain that people
refuse to admit their good looks.-Atchison
Globe.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

PUTNAM FADELESS DYES produce
the fastest and brightest colors of any known
dye stuff. Sold by all druggists.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Doing nothing does half the mischief of
the world.-Boston Congregationalist.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
The Million Dollar Potato.

It's marvellous. Salzer's catalog tells, so
also about Rape for cattle, sheep and swine
notice, to-day, to John A. Salzer Seed Co.,
La Crosse, Wis, for his big catalog. [Kl
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

ficted with catarrh." Peruna has become,
in multitude Of households, absolutely in
d1spensable.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Some folks think that honesty, in modera,
ton, is the best policy.-Puck.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
nSRonnnnn &~ r~>u<S@~

Difference in Location.
Lady-You tell me that you do not always
chop wood?
Sandy Pikes-No, mum! When I'm up
dis way l chop wood; when I'm down in
Chinatown I chop suey.-Chcago Evening
News
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
A County Line Fight.

County Auditor Minor, of Hennepin
county, has decided to include six Sec
tions of Ramsey county on the tax
rolls of Hennepin county, and if he
carries out his intentions, there will
be trouble for the people living in the
strip included in the three westerly
sections of the town of Rose and the
city of St. Paul.
The trouble over the strip is due to
an error in fixing the boundaries be-
tween Hennepin and Ramsey counties.
The legislature tried to correct the
error, which was simply clerical one,
but inadvertently moved the line one
mile farther west than was originally
intended. 1t is claimed that the latter
act is illegal, because it was done by
resolution, when it should have been
done by law. Thus the original act
stands with an error of course, but it
is claimed that the mistake is clearly
a clerical one and does not affect title
to the land.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
WHAT THEY REALLY SAY.
Husband and Wife at the Theate1
Who Appear to He Engaged
in CQnversatiOn.

A man and wife enter the theater. As
soon as they are seated and she digs around
for the hat pins and removes her hat they
look at each other smilingly and seem, to
onlookers, to be carrying on an animated
conversation. Here's what they're really
saying:
Husband hairs crushed and plas-
tered down in front like dago barber's.
Can't you give it swipe that
Wife-Un Unreasonable thing! How can you
expect me to have my hair all fluffy and
nice as soon as take off heavy toreador
hat that comes down over my
"Well, give it couple of dabs, anyhow.
Looks now as if you'd been making high
dive off "a"
.'There-now does it suit your lordlord'
ship?."
.Oh, well, it isn't as dinky as it was.
What's become of that-what.you'callrit lit
that rat thing you got to put under your front
hemp awhile ago? That made it stick up
some, anyhow, and"
*'The dog ate it up, and it was too warm,
anyway. My, what a frightful haircut your
barber gave you to-day! Makes you look
like Russian moujik! Don't you think
you'd better change your barber?" etc.
Washington Post.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
MINNESOTA NEWS.
Royal Arcanum Grand Council.


The tenth annual session of the
Grand Council of Minnesota, Royal
Arcanum, was held in St. Paul, on the
eth. Eighty-seven officers and repre-
sentatives were present. The reports
of the officers showed membership
of 4,1s6 in the state, an excellent gain
for the year. The following officers
were elected: Grand Regent, r. b.
McKenney, Minneapolis; Grand Vice
Regent, Geo. w. Dunlap, St. Paul;
Grand Orator, w. L. Comstock, Man
kato; Past Grand Regent, II. C. Gil
bert, st. Paul: Grand Secretary, Geo.
T. Hughes, Duluth; Grand Treasurer,
l.. L. Sandford, Minneapolis; Grand
Chaplain, j. H. B. Easton, Rochester;
Grand Guide, F. C. Campbell, Mime
apolis; Grand Warden, o. NJ. Nordly,
Red Wing; Grand Sentry, F. L. Palm
er, Minneapolis; Supreme Representa-
tives, Elijah Baker, St. Paul and T. w
Hall, Minneapolis. Law Committee
Robert Stratton, Frank Haywood and
Edwin Adams. Finance Committee
F. j. Meyst, w. w. McFarlane and H
w. Dawson. Hon. Jere Holdeman, OF
st. Louis, was present as installing Of
ficer.
The grand council voted to endorse
legislation for q $500 certificate and
the reduction of the minimum age tc
eighteen years. Also to abolish the
present form of the Investigating
committees report on applicants. The
next meeting of the grand body will
be held at Mankato, March Goth, 1901
The Royal Arcanum now has 8
membership of 100000 and has accum
ulated an emergency fund of nearly 8
million dollars during the past eigh
teen months.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06

Hon. William Youngblood, Auditor
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
Birds of PasSaHe.

"No, I do not make friends as easily az
I used to with my fellow-travelers," said
the man who was relating European ex-
periences. 1T is not because feel less So
ciably inclined, but because of the cold
setback received at Gibraltar: In the no.
tel office one morning. 1 entered into CONVEX
seemed to me to be the right sort. They did
not meet my friendly overtures with the
usual OH. and an English stare. On the
contrary, they seemed anxious to become
acquainted with me, and soon we were chat
ting pleasantly. I congratulated myself
upon my good fortune in falling in with
such agreeable people, who were almost nice
enough to be Americans. We discussed Glib
raltar and were just planning sightseeing
expedition for the following day when one
of the hotel walters thrust his head in
the doorway and said: The missus wants
the both of yeZ. My new-found friends
were the maid and man servant of the duch.
ess of Cleveland, Lord Rosebery's mother" !"
Detroit Free Press.
The Worthington advance., 1900-04-06
To Cnre n CnIi

10 Cure q Cold In Onc Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. AL
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. Csc
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1900-01-07
TO-DAY IN THE CHURCHES.
TOPICS OF THE SERMONS THAT
WILL BE PREACHED.

Presiding Elder Thompson at the
seventh street Methodist Church,
REV. Frank II. Gaines, President of
AGNES scott Institute, at the First
presbyterian CHurch-New Quar-
1ette at the First Baptist Church.
Tbe Young Mems Christian Assoc
ciatiOn's Work.
The services in most of Savannah's
cburches to-day will be of the usual char
acter. The holiday festival season, and the
New Years sermons have been disposed
.,f At the Seventh Street Methodist, Pre-
siding Elder Thompson of the Savannah
district will conduct the morning service
and will also administer the sacrament of
the Lords supper. Tomorrow night he
will hold the first quarterly conference
Of the church for 1900. At the First Pres
bvterian Church there will be an interest
ing visitor also in the person of Rev
Frank H. Gaines, d. D., president of the
Agnes Scott Institute. who will deliver
the morning sermon. Besides being the
president of one of the best known insti-
buttons Of its kind in The South, DR.. Gaines
is known as an interesting and forcefu
speaker.