Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-03-09
he shifted wonderingly and with no

Mr.. Swiftboy is a domestic man, and
he understands that we may Lave taken
you unprepared."
Mr.. Jobson's glances at Mrs. Jobson
said as plainly as if the words were
written on a placard hanging around
his neck: 'sYou just want TO see to it
that there's top-notch lunch on the
table in just Is minutes, or there'n be
some echoes around here later on.''
Mrs. Jobson, after a moments de-
sultory conversation, excused herself.
ran down the basement steps, placed
hat on the colored woman's head and
sent her out by the alley gate after
luncheon food. It was mostly OF the
delicatessen and canned variety. There
was some sliced tongue and ham, pot
ted ham, canned salmon, hurriedly-con-
structed potato salad, the remains OF
Sundays turkey, raspberry jam and
coffee and tea on the table when, after
a frenzied scurrying around, Mrs. Job
son got the table set with fresh napery
and the best silver and called the men
to luncheon. Mr.. Jobson surveyed the
table approvingiy, as did his old school
chum, who was well-groomed looking
man, who looked as if he might be TO
stranger to Holsters and grilled bones
'Well, my dear you've certainly done
very well, considering how little you
expected u.s." said Air. Jobson, beam
ingly, and then they went at the lunch.
''Oh, by the way, have you any bottled
beer on ice? asked Mr. Jobson, after a
| moment.
NO." replied Mrs. Jobson, "the last
was used on Saturday, and the beer
| man hasn't been around yet, but 1 can
send
ooh, never mind, my dear-never
mind at ALL said Mr.. Jobson, amiably.
Get along bully without it, can't we,
Swiftboy? Guess. we'd be heap bet
ter off without the stuff, anyhow"
Then Mr.. Jobson. while his friend
was bending over his plate, gave Mrs.
Jobson glance that contained world
| of meaning.
"Swiftboy," said Mr.. Jobson. you'll
have to overlook this hasty affair, but
you know"
Overlook it?'' interrupted his friend,
| helping himself literally to the salad.
Overlook it? I guess not. I'm going
| to do just the best know how by it,
| It's immense-haven't enjoyed things
to eat so much since left home. Mrs.
Jobson, 1 congratulate you upon your
| skill in formulating a luncheon in a
! case of emergency"
Thus the luncheon passed off, and
| awhile after it was over the two men
went downtown. There was steely
! glitter in Mr.. Jobson's eye when he
returned home that evening.
| Madam" he inquired of Mrs. Job
| son, as soon as he had taken off his hat,
what do you think this establishment
| is--a New York soubrette's tlat?"
why, what are you" Mrs. Jobson
| started to answer.
when I invite a friend, a substan-
tial business man, up to my home for
| luncheon" continued Mr.. Jobson, stern
| ~, "can't you do any better than to re-
! gale him and load him up with stuff
| such as a Miss Tottie Coughdrop sets be-
| fore her chorus girl friends when she
| asks them to one a. m. feed 90
But you brought him so unexpected
| ~, and
what Kind of stuff do you think
grocery store sliced ham is to set be-
fore one of your husbands guests ?
Couldn't you have rung in some cold
| boiled onions? What kind of way is
it, anyhow, to send a black servant
somersaulting and handspringing out
| the alley gate after zinc-inclosed eat
| ab-es when guests are sitting in the par
Tor waiting for something whercwith
to appease their hunger? Why couldn't
| you have had some nice homemade oys-
ter patties, for instance? How about
couple of fried chickens? Wouldn't
they have been about the thing? Do
you ever cook anything around here,
anyhow, except the stuff that you dole
out to me at dinner? Have you ever got
| anything fit to eat slowed away in the
ice box, like other civilized people? Do
you"
But to-day is wash day, and"
ut wouldn't make any difference if it
was Decoration day, or Independence
| day, or Labor day, or any other old day;
| you'd have to kite that servant out the
alley, and oh, and by the way, it's
mighty funny what becomes of all the
beer-not even bottle of beer to give
| the man. I'd like
Now, you know that nobody in the
house touches it but yourself, and
Mighty queer where it goes: mys-
terious, to say the least. Whole thing
was the worst frost, the dismalest
make-believe for 4 luncheon that ever
saw, and that's no.
''But Mr.. Swiftboy said that he really
| enjoyed it, and he said
Yes; I know what he said. That
was sarcasm, Mrs. Jobson-plain, every
day sarcasm. I'll bet he said to him.
self while he was getting off those re-
marks that the next time any friend
of his hailed him for home luncheon
there'd be blue apples on peach trees!
| And that's what there'lI be the next
time I invite a friend up here for a
bunco luncheon, Mrs. Jobson-just re-
member thati"-Washingto Star.