The Newtown bee., 1900-04-13
STEPNEY.
TEE STOVE CLUBS PERspIoAC1rY As-
 SAILED.

THE STOVE CLUES PERsPICACITY AS
 SAILED.
 In many senses of the word the gessior
 of the Stove club, last Saturday night
 was the most torrid in many moons
 Aghast at learning from an authorita tive source that the old method of open
 ing their sessions was unimportant and ] superfiuous they dispensed with the roll
 call, calling the meeting to order, choos. ing the chairman, etc. George Lyon, af.
 ter whispered consultation with Presi- E dent Steve Hayes, assumed the office of
 chairman, without bonds, that is, on his
 own recognizance, the only way he could
 be recognized, officially, under the cir. I cumstances. Chairman Lyon stated
 that since the regular meeting of the preceding Saturday, the club had, not of it's own volition but through the agency
 or an irresponsible party, who probably meant well, been placed in position, be. fore the public, of extreme embarrass- ment. He believed, in justice to the good name of the club, that drastic measures should be taken to prevent like unfor- tunate occurrence. The painful circum- stances need not be reviewed by him as they were familiar to every member. The meeting was now open and he trust. ed the brethren would discuss the mat. ter freely.
 Charles Curtis, the club cynic, rose immediately.
 "Mr Chairman,' said he, 1T will not beat about the bush, but will come down to business at once. The unofficial ar. ticle about our club In the lagt fssue of THE BEE ia what we are to consider, to- night. Such articles would soon either consign us to fathomless oblivion or exalt us into permanent publicity as the only club that ever made two oppogites so harmoniza that each was synonym of the other. For example, we read in one paragraph that the posto flee here would be set aside, taken away forever in the event of free rural delivery of mail, A little further on we are told that the carrier couldn't take stamped letter by the postof1ce, under the law. How g letter could possibly be carried by post ofhce that existed nit, I, as yet, have been unable to determine. In another paragraph, note that we get our rent, fire and lights free. The veracious writer evidently forgot to remember the articles he lfberally placed on our free list for paragraph further on informs the puzzled reader that the meeting broke up presumably prematurely, be- cause we didn't s'ehip in" as he terms 1t in eupnonius vernacular, for mora oiI. How our lights are free if we sschip inn for the oil, also fail to satisfactory an- aIyze. These apparent alterations lead me to the conclusion that on matters pertaining to the tariff he is mugwump which, in Stove club parlance, means a little of each, republican, democrat and l populist, and precious littles at thas. l This double back action brand of areu- l ment that have quoted cannot fail to be l detrimental to the perspicacity of the l club and we ought strenuously to object l to report of our deliberations so large y producs of fiighty, fidgety imagin- stion' When remember, too, that in 'he first paragraph we are told that the arguments to which the readers atten- ion is about to be directed were, without exception brilliant, shudder. When I cad them shuddered, for before my minds eye rose vision Of the end-of he tomb-for Is 1t not fact chat men of lndue brilliancy have chronic habit of lying young. Sol feared for our beloved Hub, tor without living members it mugs oon cease to-to-to; pardon my strong motion, gentlemen, in moment I will e myself again. But,
 Or all sad words of tongue or pen he saddest are these
 What curious kind of fish is toad ?, ,, he line have allowed myself to some- < That psraphrase was placed under uuo- asion-marks to convey the impression nae some person other than the writer , volved it. But the earmarks are his nd should not entertain my present air opinion of myself if asserted that fought the words and the quotation larks were not his also. However, Qen- 8 enen, we should not allow ourselves in i.