davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-10-25
The Absent-Minded Writer.
N the Chiladelnhia Press

=
Assistant Editor-"Who wrote this edi-
torial on the democratic vice presidential
candidates?
Managing Editor-'1 told Jones to do II.
There's use keeping him on the South
African war any longer"
Assistant Editor-"Oh, I understand it
now. Reference is made all through the
editorial to Ex-Governor Kopje Of New
York
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-10-25
The Elevator Disease.

S AAASN"tOE DABeA9e.
From the London News
1t looks as though people with weak
hearts had, after all, better climb ten
flights of stairs than effect the ascent bv
means Of the lift This convenient in.tt.
tuition 10 becoming ubiquitous. We soar
up to the topmost story Of the sky-scran.
ing nat, we descend through geoloeicaI
strata to the two-penny tube by its assist.
ance. We thought we were thereby sav,nu
our vital energies and lengthening our liyes.
The doctors seem to hold another opinion.
LIT attendants have died sudden deaths.
people with weak hearts have noticed omit
nous sensations when in the elevator. Wa
are told the sudden transition from thA
heavier air at the foot 10 the LIGHTER air
at the top is extremely trying to the con-
stitution. Even mtllionaires and bishons
and aldermen are now voluntarily tramp-
Ing up stairs. and avoiding the swifter but
insidious route. In fact. new disease has
swung Into our ken, 'liftman's heart. -
We have all Of us been risl1ng this maladv
without knowing 1t. 1t is true most neos
pie have experienced the singular sensa.
tion OF internal collapse when the lift floor
sinks beneath the feet. but none of us sus-
pected the results might be SO serious.
Every new notion for health and comfort
seems to bring its particular Nemesis,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-10-25
There Had.


With some irritation of manner the SUBJ
urbanite who possessed, in addition to a
reputation for scientific attachments, the
only telephone in the village. arose from
his supper table again to answer a call
"Well?' he said,, impatientIy. What
is it2''
HAS there been any electrical disturb
ance in your neighborhood on account of
the storm today9" inquired the downtown
reporter at the other end of the wire
Electrical disturbances he exclaimed,
in high-pitched voice. "Confound you
sir, this is the twenty-seventh in the last
two hours! l wish you fellows would let
me alone and be hanged to you'll!
And he went back to his supper.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-10-25
Have You Catarrha Taint?

Here's strong evidence of the quickness and sure
mess Of that wonderful remedy. DR.. Agnew's Ca
tarrhal Powder: For years / was victim Of
Chronic Catarrh-tried many remedies. but cure
was effected until had procured and used Or. Ag
news Catarrhal Powder. First application gave
instant relief. and in incredibly short while
] absolutely cured james Headley. Dundee,
n. Y. Sold by F. s. WILLIAMS, 9th and + sts ;
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-10-25
EUuine Mirth.

From the Chicago Journal.
Bucephalus-"Say, did you hear that au-
tcmobile races have been ruled off the
roads of Newport?"
Dobbin-'Well. wouldn't that make a
horse laugh?'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-10-25

make the delegation from New York stand.
Republicans, 2s; democrats, 8. This estiL
mate gives the democrats the benefit Of
the doubt in lower New York, where it is
quite possible that Goldfogle and Creamer
will be defeated. On the other hand, 1t Is
only fair to say that Jacob Rupert, jr.,
may pull through In the fifteenth congress-
fonal district, and that William H. Ryan
may defeat Roland B. Mahony In one Of
the Buffalo districts. This district is very
doubtful. There is bitter fight on in this
section Of Buffalo between the local poll
tlclans and quarrel In which the dock
workers are interested and 1t is probable
that neither candidate will carry the DIS
tr1ct by more than five hundred plurality.
Only In the event Of Croker carrying the
city for Bryan by pluralities ranging from
10000 to 100000. can the democrats hope to
save the two districts in the upper part Of
Greater New York. Even should BRYAN
carry the state Of New York. 1t is not
probable that the democrats would be able
to capture more than eight out of the
thirty-fo congressional districts For this
II VIII be found that the quarrels between
the gold democrats and the free silver
democrats are largely responsible
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-10-25

man. Rupert is a gold standard demo-
GRAFT. 1t is not probable, that he will be re-
elected, though II Bryan carries the dis
trct 1t is possible that Rupert may be
able to null through.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
Expectation Of Coal

Exports OF coal from the United
States during the year 1900 are likely
to reach s2O,0o0,Oo0 in value, against
s1o,ooo.Ooo in 1896 and 5000, 900 In 1890.
The figures of the treasury bureau Of
statistics show that the exports Of coal
from the United States during the
seven months ending with; July, 1900.
are 80 per cent in excess of those dur
Ing the corresponding months OF last
year, and double those of the cores
pondlng months OF 1898. In the seven
months ending with July, 1898, the ex-
ports of coal from the United States
were 2,a75, 451 tons; in the same months
of 1893 they were {, o0s. OS2 tons, and in
T the corresponding months OF 1900 they
were 4.6o1, 755 tons. During the. period
from 1890 to 1900 the expectation OF coal
from the United States has quadrupled,
but the principal growth has been In
the years 1893, 1899 and 1900. While
this growth is observable in the exports
to all:parts Of the world, 1t Is especially
marked with reference to our. exports to
the American countries. To British
North: America, the exports In the seven
months OF 1898 were 1.7sS, 1888 tons, and
sinthe seven months OF 1900 {, 25a, 1903 tons.
To Mexico the exports In the seven
months Of 1898 were 243,s3s tons,
. and In the corresponding months
! of 1900, 415,s34 tons. To Cuba the ex-,
ports have more than doubled, being In
( the seven months OF 1898 114,655 tons,
and in the seven months of 1900, 24l,7l2
tons; while to Porto Rico the exports
Increased from 2.621 tons in the seven
months Of 1898 to 1898 tons in seven
months Of 1900. To the Hawaiian Is
lands. the exports Of the seven months
of 1859 were 1o.ss1 tons, and in the cor
responding months OF 1900. 2l,OO1 tons.
thus more than doubling In a single
year. To the Philippine Islands the
exports In the seven months Of 1895
were 4,S1o tons. and in the seven
months of 1900. 41,oss tons, Of eight
times as much In 1900 as in 1898.
Inc experiments with American coal
which. the Europeans have made With
In the last two or three years seem to
have proved successful. as the exports
ito Europe, which In the seven months
,iof 1888 amounted to only 1901 tons,
were in the corresponding months OF
1900. 27s.572 tons. or this. 1877 tons
went to the United Kingdom, 4.o2S tons
to Germany. 77,407 tons to France aud
{ 196,s5o tons to other European couni
tries.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
Kansas city,s creditab!e showing

"a H.H
st. Louis Globe Democrat: Kansas
clty'st population 1900, as announced
by theScensus bureuu, is 1922, or an
increase Of $3.50 per cent for the ten
years, This is smaller growth than
st. Louis has had, which was 27.35 per
cent but 1t Is creditablc on the whole.
Kansas City and q few other western
towns were injured by the speculative
real estate boom which collapsed about
dozen years ago, and some of them
felt the effects of that debauch until
within q few years ago. In 1890 Kansas.
City was few hundreds behind St.
Paul in the count. but now 1t is a few
hundreds ahead Of the Minnesota town.
The Kansas City which Is across the
line In Kansas, which now has pop.
ulation of 5l,41d, has grown si.l9 per
cent in the decade. Both cities are
doing well, and both have a bright fu-
ture.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
The Army canteen.

The New York Times reads those
members of the Prohibition party who
are blinded by a fanaticism that Is not
amenable to reason, a well deserved
! lecture. They have become rabld on
the army canteen," and have persist
ed In maligning President Mckinley.
holding him responsible for the whole
question. THE statement Of the effect
OF the canteen." says the Times, i"as
I part OF the post exchange In the army,
made public by the adjutant general, is
OF the highest Interest. 1t is also Of
& the highest Importance. The curse OF
( intemperance Is even more formidable
In military than In civil life. Nothing
Z could be more desirable than the dis
covery and application of the most ell
2 Client means for reducing 1t TO a mini
mum. Such means, It Is now made
I clear, has been discovered and applied
:, In the Institution OF the cantcen."
In all unchuritableness. however, The
leaders OF the Prohibition party and
the fanatical followers OF that orguni-
cation, have as much US called the army
4 officers who have reported on the sub
( ject liars. Those who are cooperating
Z with these traducers OF the President
pride themselves" continues the Times.
Tin being made inscnslbley to the teach.
ings OF reason and experience by what
they call a "'principlc. The principle Is
that It Is a "sIn,'"' albeit a sin Of their
Z own invention, for the government to
5f,''legallze." by recognizing, the sale OF
y intoxicating liquors. Their remedy Is
absolute prohibition. regardless OF the
conclusive evidence that prohibition In
the army does not prohibit. Ncverthe-
4 less, they shy. let us proclaim prohlbI-
a tion, and II we cannot enforce 1t let US
pretend that we can. This policy Of
z hypocrisy and false pretcnscs they
maintain to be an illustration OF the
Righteousness which cxnlteth nation,
and they. are fanatlcally prepared II TO
atand by 1t though the effect OF II would
surely be to promote In the army the
drunkennesssto which they pretend to
be the, only Americans who ara sin.
\ cerelys opposed. They arc own now.
blasphemously organizing ian endless
I chain OF prayer. !" 70 prevent the re-eiee-
tlon OF the, President, because he hns
the sense to desire TO deal with the
i liquor question In the army III the
manner certified TO him to be thcSm0st
efficient. and tho courage to act upon,
the evidence. VI & II. n + IA IA
u this behavior Of the Prohibitions.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
POINTED sPARAaRAPHs,.55

~ . Tod
Many q married man Is a silent hero.
A pesslriisttis a person who believes
In a hoodoo. ~ 3 I! !, II I, II
Some robes are made Of wood; ward
robes, for Instance. 81 4,
sstDon'tt be stuck up. II you can't climb
over creep under. Z
Z. The sta1kativesbore is the worst kind
Of a pneumatic tire. e
sigWhjskey4 Is the key; by which many
gain an entrance to prison.
2 A broad-brlmmed hat doesn't neces-
sarily indicate o broad mind.
;5;It isswell to study Law; and physlc, but
II is better to need neither. FL
a mans luck is III he hopes It
will dle-butlit seldom does. -. J, itti
( Putiyour money In a boiler factory IL
you are looking for a sound Investment.
A bicycle rider on rough road is
jFrone to- believe that there are SER;
mons in. stones. = n q I;
The average man likes to point to the
good traits IN his children as n heri-
ltage from himself. 5s
The base ball player never settles
down 10 business; he Is always looking
fora change Of base. n
A Thunderstorm may purify the at
mosphere,. but that's poor consolation
to the man who has been struck by
lightning.
t An old bachelor. :; says the course Of
true love runs smooth enough until a;
man gets married, then there Is apt to
be breakers Iahead.-C Chicago News.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
Croker on Trusts.

New York is convulsed with laughter
over the statement OF Boss Croker that
he wifi take the stump this fall and
assail the trusts. The lmpudence Of
this man passes; all understanding. The
idea Of Croker, who is the Incarnation
oflall that is corrupt in politics, who
boosted on the witness standtt that he
was in politics for what there was in
1t. and that he was for his pocket every
time. reading moral lessons to the peo.
Pile OF: the largest and wealthlest city
In, the. country is spectacle, indeed
for the gods and men. Ia
How will this :corrupter OF political
morals reconcile his connection with
5theinfamous Ice trust Of New York and
his domination of that greater trust,
Tammany Hall, with any professions he
may make on the stump against other
combinations he processes to stand
in fear OF? What rubbish anu
folly It all is. In speaking Of Gro
ker's new departure the New YORK
Herald says:
e d Trusts, he declared, mean centre
Ing. power In a few or In one man, anu
Americans will not stand It, That is
good news. II true; but. unfortunately,
the people have stood the Tammany
trust SO long that we are skeptical.
There Is no question. however. that they
are much more anxious about this ex-
listing. political combine than about 4
possible combination OF department
stores.
II the people are not going to longer
stand the centerlng OF power in a few
or one man. we must assume that
Mr.. Croker Intends to resign. Before
the Mazet committee last winter he adj
mitted what everybody. knew: that he
Is the leader OF Tammany: that after
the. election three years ago practically
all the important city officers to be APP
pointed by the mayor were selected b.
Mr.. Croker or his immediate associates.
and that the election OF Mr.. Coogan as
president OF the borough of Manhattan
by the municipal assembly was direct
ed by the TammRny executive commit
tao rl- I.r.1f ,tsIf1 a. II 100 pr TltfE III u
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

lists be not insensate and besotted ID.
Tnatlcism 1t would be hard TO SAY what
tits. Luckily the people OF this coun.
try are becoming awake TO the danger
and the evils o. such Podsnappery.
They are coming to see that twill nor
do to intrust the legislation OF this
country. upon any question. to- persons
of no Judgment, who are seYen.proud of
Misunderstanding to- reason simply
upon,thelr own statement that 'theyfare
mot, only .actuatediby good motives, hut
thatStheys have a3monopolySo OF good mo-
!tlyes.s!s II Is time that this pestilent
nonsense should be snubbed and put
down, once for ALL" n
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
REFLECTroNls OF a BAc + q, Ia,

To rule woman a man must. be
strong enough not to. -
Man is Just enough superior to wo-
man to be able to love her.
The kind Of women that men quar-
rel about because they both want them
are only found in books. 81 2 81 n
Babies are probably so fascinating to
women because they know the men can
never get the law on them.
There is generally about as much
difference between the girl you are en-
gagged to and the one you married last
fall as there IS between the circus post
,ers and the show when you see IT.
New York Press.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
Second Necessity.

: Chicago News: The: anti-cigarette
crusader was trying to convert the
youthful ,stlend.
i When ! was at the hospital" she re-
lated. "the last words Of a street gamin
were, Gimme q cignrette!' Now, / am
certain he would have said something
else II he had only had the time"
Yessum!" assented the fiend.
Ali And you can guess what those
words would have been?'
nEstGimme a match!'" IS
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
Meteorological.

Saiiie De fyitte-That's Mrs. allie
Moneigh. She has been married and d.
vorced FIVE times.
Noel .Little-How remarkable for one
so young in appearance! Her matri-
monial reigns must have been Very
sh0rt.St
Sallie De Witte-Mere showers!-
Brooklyn Life.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
NEWSPAPER Wales

Cautious Reply-"EXcuse me, but
didn't / meet you In Chicago some time
ago mot unless was there at the
time,"-Clerelpnd Plain Dealer. s
A Danger In Sight.-"How do YOU feel
about this -shirt-wnist agitation ~
well. I don't want to see 1t brought
forward as n political issue.'-Indian-
npolls Journal. ~
True Poltteness.-Maglstrate Ito ell
derby witness}-"What is your agc.
madam" Witness-"Thirty, SIR" Mag.
istrnte-"ThIrty what-months or
ycars?''-Chicago News. "a
First Tramp-''Why don't you 60 In?
Els all right. Don't you see I'm n-wag-
gin his tail?'. Second Tramp-"Yus;
an don't you see i'm a-erowlin'? /
dunno which end to believe."-Punch.
A MISUNDERSTANDING Staggers--
when n feller's down everybody tries
to shove him down furder." Pell Nell
Huh! You talk like somebody d been
Offering you de vice Neutrality-suspicious..
Mr.. snppeigh-'I wouldn't marry that
Miss Gabby. She is terribly set in her
ways" Mr.. Softleigh-"Is that s0?"
Mr.. sappeigh-"Yes. indeed. why, she
has refused mo nine es."-Baltimorc
American. n
Boy (who has lost his way)-.'I say
Mister, how far Is II to Camptown
Creek?" Man (surlily)-"FInd out. I
ain't no city directory" Roy with
acute cmphasis)- you amt: you're
volume on good manners. YOU are!'
Harlem Life. Z:
Health and Automobilism.--Patie
Your own health seems to be very
49, u. lk.AKa t-A n
tor-"Yes. i sold my horse and car
rlage and bought IN automobile re-
Gently" Pntient-"Ah! you attribute
your improvement to that p" Doctor
Yes: the walking has done me good,
Philadelphia Press.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
Relief in Six Hours q,

Distressing Kidney ana Bladder dis.
eases relieved In six hours by New
Great South American Kidney Cure" II
Ia q great surprise on account OF Its ex.
cecdlng pronptness In relieving pain In
bladder. kidneys and back, in male or
female. Relieves retention OF water
almost Immediately. 1fyou want quick
relief and cure This Is he remedy. Sold
byeR. II. List! druggist, Wheeling, W,
Va. {t \. IN tth&a
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

X w III a ~
Sixth infantry. son Of John .. Crim-i
minis the great contractor Of New
y York City. has been 1nyalIded home nf-
tee two years service in the Phillip.
pines, He says thai the only reason,
for the gcortinuance OF the war Is the
3hopeiof the Tagals that Bryan, Or Bran,
as they cali him, Will be. elected.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
Up to SNUFF.

Shell like: him because he's SO ex-
traragant. III 4 { 4
Her Aunt-That Isn't the best possi-
Bile quality in husband.
She-Of course not! I'm not going to
marry him!-Puck. Si
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

The New York Journal publishes q
long list OF names, alleging them to b.
Maine Republicans who have Topped to
Bryan. The Lewiston. Me-. Journal
says that not one of the gentlemen
named has any exlstence In that state.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
-a
Pedigree.

New Orleans Picayune: A man born
with silver spoon in his mouth may
be the offspring OF a family that stole
the spoons.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

Ex-Presldent Harrison has consented
TO serve on the peace commission to ar
bItrnte the Chinese question: II is now
up to Elk President Cleveland, who. so
far. has not been heard from.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

The. census figures will show the, pop
ulatIon of the county to be nearly 7s,-
100000 or a gain OF $4,000. 900 In the past
ten years, which Is not so slow.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

We nre curious to know what sort Of
n canard the Democrats win next
spring on Senator Elklns. ,.sg
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

The quarrel between Hill and Croker
naturally will help the New York Re-
publicans. +
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

Russia gives very satisfactory ren-
son for desiring to withdraw from Pc
kin. II, ia; too expensive. t5if
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

Vermont votes to-day. Tho only
doubt is rs to the size OF tho Republican
majority. 81. 81 III 81
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
REPUBLICAN STATE TICKET.
REPUBLICAN, couJNTYrIcKET.

Sheriff-D. H,Taylor.
Prosecuting Attorney-FrnnkrW. Nesbltt
Assessor tCity Dlst.)-Addlson Israel. II
Z Assessor Country Dlst.)-LeS.er Smith.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
The Value Of Languages.

London Tit-B!ts: A good story is
told Of two Oxford graduates
touring in the east. who entered the
shop of q jew whose knowledge Of
English. though he spoke most other
tongues, WINS limited. With the custo-;
mary carelessness of the Anglo-Saxon
race when abroad. one undergraduate
remarked 70 the other, on falling to
make the Jew understand what he
wanted: 1.-THE fool does not speak Eng
.lIsh!" 80 - II
This remark came within the radius
Of the old Jews comprehension, and
drew. from him the following questions:
DO you spIk 1talian2" to which they
replied: &
NO" 800,
DO you spIk Grlk?r
NO" q j.; ., ,!y s
DO you splk Turk?. .;... s /,
"No.""3 & S,';3,3i
DO you splk Spanish p
NO"
DO you splk Russian.
NO"
\ After a pause the old man, with con-.
siderable energy, ejaculated: Me one
times fool: you five times fool" TO the
complete discontinue Of the young
men.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04
Maud Muller in Kanscs.
Maud Muller once on summer day
Went out on the prairie to rake some h

Maud Muller, once on summer day
Went out on the prairie to rake some hay
Her father was shy OF hired man. 20
Miss Maud. though she kicked. was
obiecsed to so.
She raked for q while. then began to
And her thoughts, were so hard you could
hear them chlhk!
And she lonsed 10 skip from that Kansas
plain!
She oft had read in the Busy Bee
or Colorado, where women are free.
She'd read how her sex was allowed to
And In lodges to rldet mystic goat
Gould run for office wheneer they, chose.
hose: & ...l.
And the way that the grinders cut the
Would s,artle an angel from Kingdom
10 the ranch. Girls burden. the old hay ny
i42 rake. ~
And nee 10 The suffrage paradise
ithhst U athe Hht''Si VI se-N hc'cA GUS uo
IA Wild bee .hungrily took n sip
From the honey punched on her red, ripe
+ lip,
And told her she'd better stay right there
And bloom as q Kansas isunilower fair.
A meadow lark lodged her swinging rake
And told her that suffrage was all n fakc!
"A butterfly 1T on her sunburned ear
And whispered: Your hcadwhcels arc out
OF gear.' 1855
a grass;hopper pccpcd from the emerald
And iyltterrd: we can never spare YOU.
"A blncksnnkc said with n warning hiss:
Remember the Garden of Eden, Siss!.'
A ch!pmunk chIrped from nearby
,''Tut.tut! old slrlIel Don, be a chump!"
~: a buI n.,l beloved from neishborlns
Don't Do it, girl, or you'll rue, you'll
A rue!"t !is, 81 -.
And Maud said TO the passing breeze:
Il can Inc never ye 80 back on such friends as
And s shS swung Tho rake with I, newborn
Her soul all thrilled With a rustic thril1!
And there she stays. and contcntcd nIngs
With the butterflies, birds and snakes md
sif Denver Evening Post.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

Bryan is now plowlng his way,
to West Virginia.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-09-04

Z Here 10 another Witness against iBry-
an. Lieut. Martin r.. Crimmins, Of tho