The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-06-22
The Gers 8 Man.

Uncle Sans census man may be the
| oretically only a recorder of the popu a.
ton" said the kindly bachelor, ''bnt
| practically he's a decided disturber OF it,
at least. of that portion which has its
abiding place in boarding houses
You know the boarding house popula-
! ton is so unstable that a feathers
weight this way or that viii shift it 70
| the summer resorts or keep IL in town.
twhere its migratory instinct. viii be
| aroused with equal ease against lis pres
| ent boarding house and in favor OF
| new one. This summer looked well Tor
| the town boarding houses until the CEN
sus mans coming started cold wave
| i've never seen such q universal
| shiver Why, in our boarding house 1t
! simply annihilated a friendly warmth
that had been years in gathering. Re-
| suit, distant bows; fnahty, depopuia-
ton.
I'VE had always been a particularly
] friendly boarding house, and had been
| in the habit Of gathering in the parlcr
after dinner to discuss ethics and medi-
] cal treatments. We all took great inter-
est in each other, and when the census
| man was announced one evening we
gathered in the parlor more thickiy than
| ever, for we had resolved that our duty
| TO our fellow boarders called us to their
| support on this trying occasion, al
| though we ourselves would willingly
| have foregone publicity If we could have
| heard the sweet without telling the Bit
ter The only disappointment came from
! the limited nature OF the questions. Tn
Gle Sam might so easily have required
information regarding incomes and fami-
| ly differences.
"The younger members OF the house
| hold looked upon the census man as the
greatest show on earth. They gathered
around him and hung over his shoulder
I 11x llAv
/ statistics was a little girl from the coun-
try, only six feet tall, and a foot and
| half across the shoulders. She IS natu-
| rally timid, and is trying 10 overcome 1t.
| She said she was sixteen years oil. and
! if the census man didn't believe she
| came of a good family she offered TO
show him as references two army hat
pins and a mirror frame containing al
| the ship ribbons Of the United States
navy.
"The next victim was young man
who posed as thirty years old. He tried
| to whisper to the census man that ne
was only twenty-three years and six
months, but his secret was discovered.
| and he fed from the room. When my
| turn came and my assertion that / was
! forty-five was followed by a barely sup
| pressed litter, l began to see where the
breezes came from Up 10 this time
| things had been going pleasantly enough,
| for only the young people and the mar
ried men had testified. but we began
| fully to realize the possibilities for trou-
! Bile when Mr. Nugent took the chair
with Mrs n. at his elbow, 10 see that
| he answered correctly Mr.. Nugent said
! he was forty-five and his wife forty
| six I think you're making mistake,
| Mr. Nugent,' said Mrs. Nugent, wltE an
arctic laugh.
+" Why, no, Milly.' said poor old NIl-
gent, getting in deeper; we've been mar
| ried twenty years. and you were twenty
six then Mrs. Nugent grew very red
and bit her lip. She left the room, tears
standing in her eyes. and presently she
| sent the maid for Nugent. I've never
| seen a man look so sad as he did when
ne came back and said that he'd made
al frightful mistake, and wanted to rec
tify it.
"'You see, my wifes birthday is since
the first, and 1 forgot you dated from
! then; she's only forty-five.
| Showers were falling thick and fast
! by this time. The age question seemed
to be the principal berg. although sew
| eral families bridled at the birthplace
! interrogatory, and the young man who
| had married the real elderly lady went
| out at the occupation stage. 1t wouldn't
have mattered il there hadn't been the
! chorus of boarders to chortle when the
| truth came out or to exclaim when it
| didn't It seemed to inspire desire to
| evade and many a gentle old lady left
the caucus with a fib lying heavy on her
! conscience.
| 1t was at this point that my own par
| ticular chill came ill., and all because 1
tried to help the census man, feeling
some sympathy with his troubles in thu
case of absent boarders. / offered TO
give him the items regarding Mr.. and
| Mrs Jereloman. friends of mine, who
! had gone out. I thought 1t friendly all
around. l knew everything but their ex-
| those pretty well. 1 made Jeroloman
forty-five, and, out of politeness to a
lady Mrs. Jeroloman forty.
THAT night when the Jerolomans came
home / told them
'Oh how kind you are!" they both
chorused, and how old did you say we
were?'
az gave Jeroloman as forty-ive and
| Mrs. ]. as forty l said. expecting praise
for my accuracy, for every one had
called my guess good.
There was something too robust about
| Jeroloman's laugh.
Didn't know I looked quite such
gray-beard,' was his only comment.
Mrs. Jeroloman made no pretences.
What l like about boarding houses
| she said, is that ones affairs Is always
attended to without ones consent
Her emphasis of the without was
freezing
Since then the only warmth Of friend
ship in the boarding house has been sup
piled by the electric attachment Of the
piano, which has been working overtime
~ fiji the fss1uks"