Mesa free press., 1900-05-25

| ucNcI iOOkS Inc Oue.-1NeW 1OEA Wcch-
".
| Doctor-And the twins? Are they
well? Papa-Quite we'll, thank you.
s'How do they sleep?' ''In day and
| night shifts.''
A woman can never carry out her
resolution to snub another woman if
she meets her when she has on her
new hat.-New York Press.
Going to the Paris show?" "No. I
compromised with my wife, and we're
going to stay at home and study
French.-P North Ameri-
can.
"War can always be avoided" assert
ed the lecturer. The man in the back
row laughed scornfully. Evidently"
be said, 1.-The speaker is not married.
! Chicago Post.
Joe-Aren'e you rejoiced that out
floor sports have begun again" "Out-
door sports? Oh, say-you don't mean
it's time to beat carpets again, do you"
FChicago Record.
Bookkeeper-Your wife is at the door,
yir, and would like to speak to you a
moment. Mr.. Sellers-Yes; just see
what my balance at the bank is, will
Eou?-Harper's Bazaar.
Eyes. madam" sighed the ash man.
II have seen better days. l was once
an ice man, but was fred" ''Ah,
pee" said the lady; "you were reduced
TO ashes" es."-Philadelphia Record.
"Marie, after we are married what
course shall you pursue to retain my
loveY "Oh, Harry, l shall spend an
awful lot Of money on fine clothes and
look just as pretty as can" Chicago
Record
two periods in mans life when he
never understands a woman. She-In-
deed, and when are they? He-Before
he is married and afterward.-Collier's
Weekly.
Mrs. Tucker-Tommy, what makes
you so late? Tommy-Had some words
with the teacher and she kept me in
after school, Mrs. Tucker-You had
words with the teacher? Tommy
Yes'm. l couldn't spell 'em.-Chicago
Tribune.
'I'm glad to see the snow disappear
ing" he said. 81 suppose that you are
thinking of the horrible crossings it
makes" "No, not exactly. There are
several bad boys in our neighborhood
and they don't care who they pelt with
soakers."
Bibbs-How is it Jones has thrown
up South Africa. l thought he volun-
teered? Dibbs-So he did, but lie al
tered his mind. Bibbs-What made him
do that? Dibbs-He got to know that
his msther-in-law was going out as a
purse.-PickM Me-Up.
"Thurston Tompkins says he is in
poverty through no fault of his own"
sHow does he make that out" why,
he says he was born with expensive
tastes, but without sense enough to
earn the money to keep up with them"
indianapolis Journal.
81 didn't know you intended to move
this spring." I'VE don't. But your
wife told me she was out looking at
houses all day yesterday. "Well that's
true enough but don't you know there
is vast difference between looking
at houses and looking for houses!'-
Chicago Times.
She-Oh, Harry, did you mail that
.horrid, hateful letter | wrote papa? He
must have sent this $1O0 check the day
Il wrote it. He-Yes. | mailed it; he's
got it by this time. She-Thats you!
IiWhenever | give you letter to mail
;that'H get me i'll trouble, you go right
loff and mail Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Ats really extraordinary!
NV nurse tells me that gentlemen a!e
always stopping her in the street to adj
,mire my little girl Mrs. B.-How love-
ily she must be! Mrs. A.-Oh. ! don't
! know. OF course | thiuk her pretty,
| because | am her mother Mrs. B.
| ;Oh. | meant the nurse, dear.-PTnch.
The Farmer-Why don't you work
! The Tramp-D' yer t'ink everybody in
| de world is crazy? | never worked in
me life, but | don't owe anyone a cent,
Wife s'pose you've bin worhin' since
yer was able ter drive IA COW; an ii
! bet dey's mortgage Oil yer farm dat
Keeps yer hustlin ter pay de intrest
| on!-Puck.
A benefactor: ''.Ialncs. whispered
tie GOOD woman. there's burglar in
1he paror. He stumbled against the
niano in the dark. | heard several Of
tie keys struck "All right! said
James, I'll go down "Oh. James.
you're not going to do anything IaSh?''
,"Certainly rot: I'm going to help him.
You don't suppose he can get that piano
out Of the house without assistance.
do philadelphia Press.
Anger" lie said thoughtfully,
mshortens life." She looked at him
sharply. ut Also" he went on, "spoils
beauty. 1t has an exceptionally injuri,
Gus effect on a pretty face" john
Henryw she exclaimed, what is it you
nly yt,,,s