Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1900-01-11


know what's good, sIr."-Life.
whats the difference between foot
ball and warp Football Ia war with
out any human object In view.-Ex.
Teacher (angrily) Why don't you an
swer my question, Bobby? His broth
err Tommy answering for him.
Please, sir. he's got a peppermint In
his speech.-Tit-B Bits.
Miss Thlrty-smith (severely)-A man
should never call on q girl after drink
ing. jack Swift Carbohydrates a
fact. Many a man has become engaged
in just that way.-Puck.
Fuddy-You call money stamps"
don't you? Duddy-And money Is cur
rency. So ! suppose when you speak
of an elastic currency you refer to rub
Der stamps.-Boston Transcript.
Didn't move him: "Well, did the boss
give you a raise?' "No." mot even
when you told HIM you had grown gray
in his service?" mo. Gave me the
name of a good hair-dye."-Puck.
Mr.. Snell-What are you crying for,
Elsie? His little daughter-rve just
read that the diamond mines may be
exhausted in seven years, and it's eight
before my coming out!-Jewelers'
Weekly.
"From what l hear, Mr.. Earnestly,
that son of yours at college Is a little
fast.y "A little FAST! repeated the old
man disdainfully "He holds the anna
teur record as 10O-yard splinter
Detroit Free Press.
Wallace-There is nothing like matri'
mony to make a man appreciate the
value of money. Ferry-Thats so. A
dollar a man gives to his wife does
look bigger to him than any other dol
lar.-Cincinnat Enquirer.
Uncle Hiram-What kind Ell thing Is
that that woman's got on her neck,
Mandy? His niece-Thats a chinchiE
la collar, uncle. Uncle Hiram-Chin--
chiller hey? want to know! Blessed
il didn't think twas a chin-warmer.
Bazaar.
"How still they are" remarked Mrs.
Fogg, apropOs OF the young couple In
the next room. "Yes," replied MIR.
Fogg, lit reminds me Of my army days.
1t was always wonderfully quiet just
previous to an engagement "-Boston
Transcript.
Diplomacy: Mrs. Neighbors-I adj
vertised for plain cook last week, but
didn't receive a single reply. Mrs.
Nextdoor-Take my advice and adver-
tise for a good-looking kitchen lady,
and you'll be overrun with aplica-
| tions.-Chicago News.
$50 our friend is going to leave poll
| ticsY "He is" answered Senator Sor-
ghum, 'if he knows what's good for
him" ut is too bad to lose him; he
was such an accomplished wire-pull-
er." Yes; but he got hold of live
wire.-Washington Star
"Oh, Tom exclaimed the bride OF
six months, what do you thinkr
Mother says she wants her body ere
mated" "She does, eh?" said the hus-
band; ''well, tell her to get ready. and
I'll take her over to the crematory the
first thing In the morning.
Young lady Ito married sister)-Do
tell me an appropriate present to give
a new baby. Married sister, know
just the thing-these little jeweled
safety-pins. Baby, darling, had one
given him six months ago and have
worn it ever since.-Harlem Life.
what did Noah live on when the
flood had subsidized and his provisions
in the ark were exhausted? asked a
Washington Sunday school teacher Of
her class. 81 know" squeaked little
girl, after the others had given up.
swell, what?" inquired the teacher.
"Dry land"
It's Beauty Departed: Wife crushing
toward shop window)-Oh, look here!
Husband-Well, / declare! There is
one of the tete-a-tete lamps you were
admiring at Mrs. De Styles. Wife
suddenly stopping) = Horros! It's
marked "Only two dollars New
York Weekly.
Grigson-Excuse me, Mitwin, but
why is it that people of your name are
generally such COMPOUNDED bores? Nit
win-I don't know. How many persons
of my name did you ever know? Orig
son-By George! come to think of it,
you are the only one l ever knew.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
"You see. it was this way: They were
all three so dead in love with her and
all so eligible that to settle the matter
she agreed to marry the one who should
guess the nearest to her age" "And
did she? 81 don't know. l know that
she married the one that guessed the
lowest."-Pearsons Weekly.
Speaking Of Cuban .uprisings and in
surrections," said Wallace, 81 shall new
err forget one that occurred twenty
years ago." "Were you presently" asked
Ferry. Every much so. 1t happened
about five minutes after had lighted
one of my fathers big black Havana
cigars. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Asking too much: American girl
And IL marry you will l live in an old
English castle, with turrets and bat
Elements, famed in song and story!
English Lord-Yes, you shall Amerf-
can girl-And will you Introduce me to
the Prince of Wales set? English
Lord-Um-er-not until l begin to
get tired of you.-New York Weekly.
A burst of generosity: IL hear" said
the crusty old gentleman, that there
are some violins so valuable that. no
body thinks OF playing On them"