The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-07-29
.2r DooZeg's
Compliments TO Mr.. Wa.

| copyrighted, 1900, by r. H Russell
well. sir, me little Chinee frind Woo
must be havin' tn time iv his life in
Wash'nton these days" said Dooley.
| Who's hep" asked Mr.. Hennessy.
| He's tn Chinee ministher," said Mr..
Dooley, AN his business Is FIR to supply
| fresh, hand-laundhried transformation to
| tn sicrety iy state. Tn sicretv Nv state
is settin' in his office feeIin' blue because
he's just heerd be a SPECIAL corryspond-
! int iv tn London Daily Pail as Sydney,
Austhreelya, who had it firm slate
writer in Duluth that an army ~ four
| hundred an eight thousan' mflIyin an
siyinty-five bloodthirsty Chinese ARMED
with fatirnes an cryin', 'Bung LoOT
which means. Hinnissy. Kill tn foreign
dtvvles, dhrive out tn missionries an set
up in Chiny a govermint f'r tn Chinese,
Is marchin' on Vladivostook in Siberyia
not far firm Tinsin. A knock comes at
! tn dure an Woo enthers. Well says
he, with a happy smile, It's all right
| What's all right?' says tn sicrety ~
! state. 'Ivrything, says Woo. I have
| just found letther sewed in a shirt
firm me frind Lie Much. tn vicercy iV
Bumbang. 1t is dated tn fourth hour "
! tn third day Nv tn eighth or groan-
/
! that? says tn sicrety fv state. It's
! Choosdah tn Fourth iv July, Winsdah.
! tn seventeenth iv March he says Pat
| rick's day. says tn -sicrety iv state.
'Thrue FIR ye.' says Woo. What year?'
! says Jawn Hay. TIL year iV tn big
wind says-Woo. Coed says Jawn Hay.
! proceed with yeer story Here's tn
| letther,' says Woo. I know It's gen
| ooine because it is an OF dhress patthern
! Used be tn impress. 1t says:
Oscar Woo. care iv hiself, anywhere:
Dear Woo, brother iv tn moon. uncle Nv
tn sun. an roommate iv tn stars dear
sir: Yours " tn eighth day iv tn prop
| erty moon rayceived out ~ tn air yesteT-
/ dab Afternoon or tomorrow. an was
| glad 10 note We ARE feelin we'll Ivry-
! thing over here is tn same OF pair Nv
| boots. Nawthin dom Pekin fs "a o11fts
! as tn grave. Her majesty. tn i'm
! press, is suffrin' slightly firm death be
| poison but Is still able FIR to do tn cook
! IN IT, tn ROOshan ambassadors TIL
mpror was beheaded las week. an feels
/ so much betther FIR tn OPERATION that he
J eXplcts to be quarthered mex Sundah
| He's always wanted TO raviooce his
! weight. Some iv tn Boxers called on tn
foreigners at Tinsin las week an met a
! Warrum rayciptiOn. TIL forefgners afthe~-
ward paid visit to thin through a hole
IN IN wall, an a jolly day concluded with
foot race. at which our peoDle are he
! COMM expert Some ~ tn boys expict5
/ 10 come to Pekin mex week. an the peo-
! pie along tn line ~ tn railroad are ee4-
TN ready FIR thin. This is really all tn
! news have. except that cherries ARE
! ripe Me pin Is poor, me ink is dbrv me
| IoVe fr you can niver die Give me re-
, sards TO Sicrety Hay whin he wakes IN
1 remain, illusthrus cousin iv tn risi1'
dawn, thruly ye'ers Lii p. s.-If We need
| dhraw" a iO'is9i
g That says Woo is wan wav ~
| I-readn IT. Read upside down it saws
! that IN lmpriss has become a Sweden
! boorJan. l will r-read 1t standin' on No,
mead whin 1 get home where I can min
down me overskirt; thin III r-read n in
! d Ioohln glass; thin I'll saw II into
sthrlpS an r-run 1t through a wrfnger an
! AVE 1t stand in a tub iy bluein', an vbIn
| II properly starched I'll find out what
II says. Finly I'll cut it into small niece
| an cook with rice an lave IT to resi- in
| a cool place an thin twill read even hot
| tHer. hope ye're satisfied he saws 7
| am says Jawn Hay. IN tiIIvgraft +o
MARK that ivrything is all r-right' no
49, an that our relations with his
! majesty or her ma esty or their Rover
| Shlps or tn DOWn-with-t tn -foretgn- di1,fI
! ers or whoiver's runnin' tn sbon over
| oeyanI are as they ought to be. or worse
! or betther, as tn case NAV be he save
! Good says Woo, you're a man aftbo1
me own heart he says. I'll sind We a
ntIe book wrote be a frind " mine I'm
Teklh' ne says. Ills called Heart IN
Heart Lies 1 Have Had" he Save
You IL like it, he says. In tn mean
| tirne' he says, I must write a secret mes
| sage to go out be tonighfs hot-aid ex
| press to me correspondent In MerideD
Cohhectlcut urgin' him to sind more Inn
peerydl edlcks ~ d faV'roble nature he
Gays. We on'y had twlnty so far. an
m gettln' scrivener's palsy he saws
but. befure L CO. he says. T bet va.
e!sht mlIlyun yens. or three dollars an
eshty-Iour cints iv ye'er money that
! Se can pick out tn shell this here Dea
IS undher.' he says. An they set down
20 game Nv what is known in Pekin az
uIplonacy. Hinnissy. but on Randolph
Sthreet Viadock is called tn, double dirty,
don believe wan wurrud iv what's
IN IN IN pa-apers about Chiny." said Mr.
Hennessy. WI
Vel said Mr.. Dooley. 'If We believe
anything yen believe ivrythfng. 'Tis y
grand contist that's goin' or befween
Nesthren an Easthren civil LEGATION
rs Joke Nv me own, Hinnissy. an
ye undherstand it If ye knew spellin'
In Westhren civilization, Hinnissv-
that's us-is a pretty good liar. but be,s
KIND " rough-an' tumble at it. a.,
| goes in head down an ivry lie he teUs
! looks ike all tn others. Ye utver see an
Engllshman that had amy judgment in
! YIN The correspondent Nv tn Daily
| Pan is out w his class. Hes carryin' Iics
to IAeville How in tn wurruld can we
! compete with a country where ivrv
/ lab rer's cottage projooces lies so delicate
| that tn workmen iv tn West can't I'M
1 dherstand thin? We make our lies be
! machinery; they turn out theirs be hand
! Ihey initiate tn best iv our canned lies
| TO deceive people that likes that kind
! but f'r artists they have lies that appeals
| TO more refined taste. Sure I'd like to
hve among thin an find out IN kind iv
! bouncers they tell each other They must
be grand only know their export lies
noW-the surplus lies they can't use AT
home. An tn kind they sind out ar-r5
betther than our best. Our lies is no
more thin contradiction w tn thrutb.
! their lies appeals to tn sinse iv honesty
| w amy civilized man"
They can't hurt us with their Hes"
| said Mr. Hennessy of our Western civili-
cation. eve have tn guns an wen bate
thin yet"
Yes" said Mr.. DocIey, "an' twill
De like a man who's had his house des-
throyed be a cyclone gettin' up an kick
! In at TIL air.