The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1900-05-01
ON DEWEYS CANDIDACY RACE HORSES IN TRAINING
MIR. DOOLEY TELLS HOW IT ALL
HAPPENED.
Sailor Home From the Sea Finds out
the Platforms and Endorses One of
Them-What VIII Happen.

Them-What win Happen
81 see." said Mr. Hennessy, chat
Dewey is a candydate FIR Prisidint."
well, sir" said Mr. Dooley, II hope
to hiven he won't get it, No rilitive iv
mine liver held a pollytical job barrin'
meslf l was precinct captain an wan
iv tn best they was in thin days, if l
do say so that shudden't. I was called
Cap FIR nanny years aftherward an
Id'v joined tn Gr-rand Army iv tn
Raypublic if it hadn't been FIR me poor
feet. Nanny iv me rilitives has been
candydates, but they niver cud win out
again tn r-rest iv tn family. TITS so
with Cousin George. I'm again him.
I've been a rayspictable saloon keeper
FIR forty years in this ward, an I'll not
have tn name dragged into pollytics.
"Iv coorse, 1 don't blame Cousin
George. I'm with him FIR anything
else in tn gift Nv tn people firm a low
lineup to a house an, lot. He don't
mean anything be it. Did we liver see
a sailor thryin' to ride horse? tbs a
comical sight. TIL reason sailor thrles
to ride a horse liz because he niver
ERODE wan befure. If he knew amy
thing about it he wouldn't do it, So be
Cousin George. Afther he'd been here
a while an got so twas safe FIR him to
go out without bein' torn to pieces FIR
souvenirs or lynched be a mob, he took
polisman: What's tn governmint Nv
this counthry?' Ills raypublic,' says
tn polisman. What's tn main guy
called?' says George. He's called Pris-
ident,' says tn polisman. is it good
job?' says Cousin George. IT'S btther
thin thravelin' beat says the bull.
What's tn la-ad's name that's holdin
D ,.fy 10 nlF
says tn cop. Irish?' says George.
Cross says tn elbow. Where fr'm?'
says George. Ohio says the peeler.
Where's that?' says George. L dim
naw,' says tn bull. An they parted
tn best iv frinds
"'Well,' says George to himself, L
guess I'll have to go up an have look
at this la-ad's place he says, an If 1t
looks good he says, 'p'raps l cud nail
it, he says. An he goes up an sees
Mack distatin his Porther Ricyan pol
icy to a kaleidoscope an it looks like
nice employmint FIR a spry man, an he
goes back home an sinds FIR raypor-
Their an says he: I always believe
since l got home in dealin frankly with
tn press. 1 haven't seen nanny papers
since I've been at sea- but whin l was
a boy me father used to take the Mont
pelier Paleejum." Twas r-run be a man
be a man be tn name of Horse Clam
back. He was quite man Whin sober.
we've heerd iv him no doubt. But what
asst We up here FIR was to give ye
item that We can write up in ye'er own
way an hand to tn r-rest iv tn boys.
I'm goin to be Prisidint. l like tn looks
iv the job an nobody seems to care FIR
it, an I've got so blame tired since 1
left tn ship that if don't have some
thin to do I'll go crazy he says. I
wiSht ye'd make note Nv 1T an give
it to tn other papers, he says. 'Ar-re
we a Republican or a Dimmycrat-
says the rayporther. What's that"
says Cousin George. TIL Republicans
ARE in favor iv expansion Thin I'm
a Raypublican.' TIL Dimmycrats ARE
in favor of free thrade.' Thin I'm a
Dimmycrat.' TIL Republicans ARE
FIR upholdin' tn goold standard Som
I. I'm a Republican, there An
they're opposed to an income tax ON
that says Cousin George, I'm Dim
mycrat 1 tell We, put me down as a
Dimmycrat. DiVvle tn bit I care. Just
say I'm a Dimmycrat with sthrong
Republican leaningS. Put it this way:
I'm a Dimmycrat. Amy sailor man'll
understand that 'Whatll 1 say ye'er
platform lisp Platform 'Ye have to
stand on a platform I do, do I? Well,
don't. I'll sthand on no platform, an
I'll hang on no sthrap. What dye think
tn PRESIDENCY is-a throlley car? NO.
sir, whin we peek in tn dure to sell ye'er
paper ven see ye'er Uncle George set
tin down comfortable with his legs
crossed, thrippin' up annywan that
thries to pass him. Go out now an
write ye'er little item, FIR it's late an
all hands ARE piped to bed he says.
AN there We ar-re. Well, sir, tits
hard year Cousin George has in store
FIR him. TIL first thing he knows he'll
have to pay FIR havin' his pichters in
tn pa-apers. Thin he'll larn iv siveral
previous convictions in Vermont. Thin
he'll discover that there was no union
label on tn goods he delivered at Ma
Mia. Twill be pointed out be careful
observers that he was ilicted president
iv tn A. p. A. be tn Jesuits. Thin
somewanll dig up that story about him
not feelin' amy too well tn mornin'
iv tn fight, an we can imagine tn
pitchers they'll print an tn jokes that'll
be made an tn songs: Dewey Lost
His Appetite at tn Battle of Manila.
Did Mckinley liver Lose His?' An
George'll wake up tn mornin' afther
iliction an he'll have a sore head an
sorer heart, an he'll find tn only sup
port he got was firm tn gold Dimmy
cratic party, an tn chances ar-re he
caught cold firm goin' out without his
shawl an couldn't vote. He'll find that
a man can be right an be president, but
he can't be both at tn same time. An
he'll go down to breakfast an issue
Ginral Ordher Number Wan, TO All
Superior Officers Commandin' Admirals
iv tn United States Navy at home or
on foreign sarvice: If amy man min
tions an Admiral FIR president hit him
in tn eye an charge the same to me-
An then he'll go to his office an pre-
pare a plan FIR to capture Dublin, tn
capital iV England, when tn next war
begins. An he'll spind tn r-rest iv his
life thryin' to live down tn time he was
a candydate."
"Well, be hivins, I think if Dewey
says he's a Dimmycrat an Joyce is
with him. I'll give him vote" said Mr..
Hennessey. ITS no sin to be a candy
date FIR prisidint"
mo" said Mr.. Dooley. "'Tis some
times a misfortune an sometimes a
joke. But hope We won't vote FIR him.
He might be ilicted if We did. I'd like
II, M 10Th ha 7