Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-08-29

a single person who was prepared to dis
pute the point, or to offer any sugges-
tons as to how many swallows 1t does
take to make a summer. Washington
Star.
SHOULD l say. He is believed to be
dead again. or He is again bel1eVed &c
be dead?'" asked Mr.. Dinwiddle OF Mr..
Van Braam.
The latter expression, is correct. ,,, OF
course. II man is dead. he IS dead. The
idea is that previous report that he was
dead which proved to be false. has been
followed by another report, which is be-
lieved to be true.
But | was speaking Of the Emperor
of China.
oh that's different. It doesn't mat
ter how you put it.'-Pittsburs Chronl-
cleTeiegraph.
Yes, the letter carrier perspired so
that last hot day that it took me two
hours to dry out Charles last letter so
could read it,
We'll, l don't blame him entirely. Ii
was one Of Charles most melting let
tiers and besides that he inclosed Il clip
| ping of an early poem by ella Wheel
er Wilcox Cleveland Plain Dealer.
There were many tales told in the days
of old Of scolding wives and henpecked
| husbands. says the Scottish American.
Evidently the ladies are becoming more
equal in their tempers, or their husbands
| may have got the upper ham. There
| is Il story told of a poor man who was
sorely tried by his wifes temper. On
one occasion Il friend asked him IL he
! had ever seen famous book which bore
the. title The Afflicted Mans Compan-
| ion
Il haze an edeetion OF in ma ain
hoose.' said he
Man, l wild like to sect said his
friend.
Come in bye, than" he sad. At the
firesidc sat his wife. Pointing to her
he said. That's my copy o The Aif1ic'-
ed Mans Companion.
Rival Thrills-The Seaman-"Have
YOU ever been on battleship when she
clears for action?'' The Landsman-
No" The Seaman-"Well. it is the
most thrilling and impressive moment
you can conceive" The Landsman--"Oh
don't know. Have You ever seen "a a
golf-club champion get ready to drive:
Life.
The summer poet enters, airily.
Il have here" he prattles. IA delicious
bit entitled GLADYS and Her Garden
Hose. =
The editor springs to his feet with a
savage snarl.
1T is quite out of the ordinary the
| poet hastenS to add 1T is absolutely
devoid of double entendre. Only one
kind of hose is meant, throughout, name
~ 11a-inch, threeply rubber hose
The editor wrings the poets hand. not
his neck. His emotions will not permit
him to speak Tears fill his eyes until
he is scarcely able to write the check for
one hundred dollars ($1OO).-Detrot
Journal.
Paddock lin disgust. after the numbers
are hung upl-"Lobster Salad fourth.
Darn the luck, anyway. And l played
him three ways, too,
Mrs Paddock-'With so many horses
in the race dear, think I'd have played
him at least five ways. brooklyn Life.
Mrs Icekold-"Do YOU drinl, rum -
Mr. William Walker-"Ah. wot a re-
lief it is to listen to a sensible question
like dat. All de society ladies | met has
such monotonous way O sayin', Dc
You play golf? ,Ha a you 9 p met de
pe s,i Do 1 drink rum? Sure
lady. Have you bottle on your hip?''-
Judge.
4 plumber was sent for to the house OF
a wealthy stOckbroker to execute some
repairs.
He was taken by the butler into the
dining room, and was beginning his
work, when the lady of the house en-
tered.
John said she with suspicious
4 glance toward the plumber. remove the
silver from the sideboard and lock it NJ
at once.
But the man of lead was in no wise
disconnected. Tom said he to his ap
prentice. who accompanied him, take
my watch and chain and these coppers
home to the missus at once. There seems
to be dishonest people about this house. ,
-Tit-Bits.
Ma always trumps up something
good 10 say about verybody.
abour the Chinese
Yes she says she can't help liking
them because they don wear whiskers.
Indianapolis Journal.
Nurse Girl lost track of the child
mum, and
Good gracious. Why didn't you speal
to a Policeman:
Nurse Girl-"I was speaking to one
all the tonne, mum. -Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Chicory-"That detestable Mrs
Hashem was boasting today about how
long she keeps her boarders.'' Mrs
Prunes-"Oh, she keeps them so thr
that they look longer than they really
are. ''-Philadelphia Record.
MY mother-in-law has gone to the
mountains
you lock pleased"
Yes; she'll have to admit she has
found something that she can't WALL
over. Indianapolis Journal.
Judge-"So YOU claim you struck hin
in self-defense?"
Prisoner-'Yes, yer honor: shure 0
wouldn't a hit i'm at all # he had'n
turned on me fur trowin a brick at i'm. ;
Philadelphia Press.
He-"Fraulein, love you madly: my
heart is broken on your account; my
, passion makes me blind; | am deaf tt
the words of others - She-"Bu
are you otherwise quite well ?'-Meggen
dorfpr Rlapttpr