Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-07-24


passion, he hurled the handkerchief out
of the window Then he remembered"
"The ignorance of some people is some
thing fierce" said the barkeep. Here
was a guy wanted to know over the tele
phone whether *. G.. was in Missouri or
Kansas"
Did you tell him Kansas" asked the
boss.
Course not"
you may be all right on geography
but you are no good i'll business. # YOU
had said Kansas, he'd have ordered any
way a gallon to take with him. In
dianapoliS Press.
The judge looked down over his spec
tacles at the fair plaintiff.
Decree is granted with restoration Of
plaintiffs maiden name" he said.
The plaintiff arose and thanked the
judge. Then, in her high, clear soprano,
she remarked:
Might 1 ask your honor to reserve the
last clause Of your decision for three
months?"
Which clause do you mean?"
The one referring, to the resumption
of my maiden name"
And why?" inquired his honor, land
why do you ask this?'
Because" replied the fair one, be
calling cards on hand and | hate to see
them wasted. '-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'Bigsby went up to see the Thousand
islands on 4 special rate excursion tick
et."
How did he enjoy the trp?''
He came back threatening TO sue the
railroad company"
What for?'
-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
whats your name, young man." in
Quireu an employer OF an applicant for a
post as office boy.
tRevelations, sir" was the reply.
Funny name. that: Whose inspira-
ton was Revelations?"
We'll, it was like this" said the boy.
MY eldest brothers were tripets, and
Luke, so father thought he'd better stick
to the New Testament and when | was
born they'd got through it,
Were YOU the last, them
Last but one, sir; they went to the
Old Testament for the baby, and called
him Numbers. London Spare Mo
mentS.
Grim but Precise-'Is your father go
ing to be back soon?' asked the stranger
Il Dunno" answered the small boy in
leather clothes, who stood at the door of
a Crimson Gulch dwelling. Pap has Il
purity good boss. but so has some Of the
folks on the vigilance committee. | reck-
on I'd tgger on pap's getting home in
about twenty minutes or never.'-Wa
ingtOn Star.
A little girl on Madison street in Mem
phis had just finished new house dress
and called in one of her friends to adj
mire it. as is customary even among girls
of a larger growth, remarks the Scimi-
tar.
BY way of explanation to her friend
she pc nted out that the waiStband had
three buttonholeS at intervals OF about
an inch, so that the skirt could be let out
or taken up at pleasure.
what on earth is that for?' asked
her friend.
1.-The first hole is to be used in the
morning. the second after dinner and the
third after watermelOns,' promptly re-
piled the owner of the dress.
The watering carts of a certain Irish
town are decorated with patent medi-
cine advertisements. An innocent Irish
man from the rural districts looked at
one the other day, and remarked: Faith,
it's no wonder ID" is healthy. when
they water the streets with Jones sarsa-
parilla"'
4 former Duchess of Buccleuch had
an old Presbyterian nurse, who was once
persuaded to attend the beautiful church
they had built
The duchess afterward asked her if it
was not very beautiful, and she said:
''Oh, yes, very
And the singing" said the duchess.
was not that lovely?'
Yes, your grace" she said. 1T was
lovely, but its an awful way of spend
ing the bbath.'-Cassell's Journal
Midget-''I wonder how the Circassan
girl ever got such long hair?' Giant
She says that when child her nurse
told her hair-raising ghost story
Philadelphia Record.
A Glasgow servant girl went home a
few evenings ago with her head wrapped
up in a shawl. Her young mistress
asked her what allied her, and was told
that she was suffering from a bad at
tack of toothache, brought on by sitting
in the park. But you ought not to sit
on such a cold, chilly night as this y
said the mistress. You should walk at
a smart pace" The girl looked at her a
minute, as though plying her ignorance,
and then answered: You Gamma coort
right walking; you must sit DOOM
City Barber Ito Scotch visitor, after
shaving bayrum, sr?"
Scotch Visitor-''Weel, I'm ma fond O.
rum; but | wadna refuse a drap whus-
kyr'-Tit-Bit
A true story is told of little girl, the
daughter of a clergyman, who was ailing
and in consequence had been put to bed
early. Mamma" said she, 4 want to
her mother, Papa is not to be dis
turbed now" Presently came the plead
ing voice: I want to see my papar'
NO" was the answer, Il cannot disturb
him. Then the 4-year-old parishioner
rose to a question of privilege. mann
ma said she, Il am a sick woman, and
| want to see my Minister
He-"That Miss Bleacham is a pro-
nOunced brunette, is she not?'
She Il really can't say. | haven't
seen her for a week. The King.
Bishop Wilmer of Alabama used to
tell this story: Il wanted deaconesses
for church work and undertook to per-
do III Il