Mesa free press., 1900-02-09
H.A(AlHa|32|EE|l );
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81 saw you kissing my daughter.

know what's good, sir."-Life.
whats the difference between foot
ball and warp Football is war with
out any human object in view.-Ex.
Teacher (angrily)-Why don't you an
swer my question, Bobby? His broth
'er Tommy answering for him.
Please, sir, he's got peppermint In
his speech.-Tit-Bits.
Miss Thirty-smith (severely)-A man
should never call on girl after drink
ing. Jack Swift (cheerfully)-Thats
fact. Many man has become engaged
in just that way.-Puck.
Fuddy-You call money stamps, =
don't you? Duddy-And money is cur,
irency. So suppose when you speak
of an elastic currency you refer to rub
Der stamps.-Boston Transcript.
Didn't move him: "Well, did the boss
give you a raise?" mo" "Not even
when you told hm you had grown gray
in his service?" "No. Gave me the
name Of a good hair-dye. Puck.
Mr.. Snell-What are you crying for,
Elsie? His little daughter-Pve just
read that the diamond mines may be
exhausted In seven years, and it's eight
before my coming out!-JeWelers'
Weekly.
, "From what hear, Mr.. Earnestly,
that son Of yours at college Is a little
fast" "a little fastr' repeated the old
man disdainfully. "He holds the anna
!teur record as 1OO-yard sprinter."-
Detroit Free Press.
Wallace There is nothing like matri-
mony to make a man appreciate the
value of money. Ferry-That's so.
dollar man gives to his wife does
ilook bigger to him than any other dol
ilar.-Cincinnat Enquirer.
Uncle Hiram-What kind er thing is
that that woman's got on her neck.
Mandy? His niece-That's chinchii
la collar, uncle. Uncle Hiram-Chin--
:chiller, hey? I want to know! Blessed
If I didn't think twas a chin-warmer.
Bazaar.
"How still they are" remarked Mrs.
.Fogg, apropos Of the young couple in
the next room. "Yes," replied Mr..
;Fogg, "it reminds me Of my army days.
1T was always wonderfully quiet just
previous to an engagement. Boston
Transcript.
Diplomacy: Mrs. Neighbors-I ad-
,vertised for plain cook last week, but
didn't receive a single reply. Mrs.
my advice and adver-
:tise for a good-looking kitchen lady,
and you'll be overrun with aplica-
News.
$50 our friend is going to leave poll
,,ticsY "He is," answered Senator Sor-
'ghum, eff he knows what's good for
him." "It is too bad to lose him; he
was such an accomplished wire-pull-
.er." Eyes; but he got hold of live
wire.- Washington Star.
"Oh, Tomv exclaimed the bride of
six months, "what do you think !?
Mother says she wants her body Gre
mated" "She does, eh?" said the hus-
band; "well, tell her to get ready, and
,I'll take her over to the crematory the
first thing in the morning."-Ex.
Young lady Ito married sister)-Do
tell me an appropriate present to give
a new baby. Married sister, know
just the thing-these little jeweled
,safety-pins. Baby, darling, had one
lgiven him six months ago and l have
worn it ever since.-Harlem Life.
'What did Noah live on when the
food had subsided and his provisions
lin the ark were exhausted?" asked q
Washington Sunday school teacher Of
her class. 81 know" squeaked little
girl, after the others had given up.
."Well, whatY' inquired the teacher.
"Dry land"
Its Beauty Departed: Wife Crushing
toward shop window)-Oh, look here!
Husband-Well, I declare! There 10
one Of the tete-a-tete lamps you were
admiring at Mrs. De Styles. Wife
Suddenly stopping - Horros! It's
marked "Only two dollars New
York Weekly.
Grigson-Excuse me, Mitwin, but
why is it that people Of your name are
generally such confounded bores? Nit
!win-I don't know. How many persons
of my name did you ever know? Grig-
son-By George! come to think of it,
you are the only one ever knew.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
! "You see, it was this way: They were
all three so dead in love with her and
all so eligible that to settle the matter
!she agreed to marry the one who should
guess the nearest to her age" "And
did sheY 81 don't know. I know that
she married the one that guessed the
west."-Pearson's Weekly.
Speaking of Cuban uprisings and In
surrections," said Wallace, 81 shall nev.
er forget one that occurred twenty
years ago." "Were you present" asked
Ferry. "Very much so. 1t happened
about five minutes after I had lighted
one of my fathers big black Havana
cigaps.'- Cincinnati Enquirer.
ASxino foo much. American GIRL