The Washington weekly post., 1900-05-29
POSSUM POLITICS.
The Thrilling Orntion of Colonel Holdbaek
Thompson in Paradise Hall.

FUSSDm EotittkS,
The Thrilling Orntion of Colonel HoIdbaek
Thompson in Paradise Hall.
Paradise Hall was packed like sardine
box as Gel. HoGback Thompson made his
appearance on the platform to deliver an
Grafton that had been advertised all the
week as IAN epicurean flight of a modern
Cicero" Brother Gardner introduced the
colonel as from Florida, and explained
that during the winter he was head wait
er at one of the big hotels. In summer,
when his hotel was closed, he lent his
OratOry to the services of his country, and
upon this occasion had been promised 50
IN cash and a linen duster. The Colonel
sized up as a tall, thin, notwithstanding
man. with an extra long neck and a state
ly bow, and the audience was requested
in advance not to break any lamps or
smash any windows in giving expression
to emotion. After bowling right and left
and placing his ancient plug hat on the
floor at his feet the colonel wiped his
brow on an American flag and suddenly
began:
Citizens OF de United States, why dis
turmoil? Why dis excitement? Why dis
eatherin' of men on de street cO'nerS to
talk wid bated breff an call each odder
liars an hOss thieves an bigots? De an
sWer am at hand. De wheels of time has
rolled around another Presidenshual CAM
paign, an de sap of pOlyticks am be-
ginnin' to rise in mems souls. Oar was a
time an not so VERY long ago. when yo'
had muffin to say an muffin to do wild de
issues Of a campaign, but ii may be in
yo'r hands dis fall to decide de fate of dis
great nashun. First gigantic Outburst of
appalling enthusiaSm) Am yO' ready fur
de comm struggle? De campaign hahn t
opened yit, but yO' kin hear de tread of
de mighty armies as dey gather fur bat
tie. 1t am cwine to be siCh a struggle as
once shook de walls of Rome an made de
Tiber run red wild de blood of ten thou
sand men. (WilG cheers for the Tiber and
for blOOd) Dat struggle will call fur pa
triOtiSm an sacrifices, an il will end up
only when Varchew, Truth, an Innocence
stand triumphant on de battlements of
integrity. Yells for Innocence, the col
Onel. patriotism. and all the rest) Oar
may be some hedh who am not used to
follerin' de epicurean flights of oratory.
an fur der benefit | will add dat de in
dViduality of de adyisa biIity am de most
calamitOus COnflagTashUn of dis disas-
trous continuity. tremendous applause.
with four panes of glass smashed out OF
an alley window
Patriots of z glorious republic, de gin
eral situation which we must confront is
one TO appall de stoutest heart As |
stand heah an gaze ober de barbed wire
fence dat separates de present from de
fucher my blood runs cold. (Shivers all
over the hall) II am a pictur' TO make
ne groan in despair. On dis side OF de
fence am Innocence, clothed in her white
robe an peacefully plantin' her coWcum-
her patch. On de Odder side am Vice,
dressed up in a swallertailed coat an
holdin' razor in either hand an thirstin'
fur de blood of a nashun. tGrOans, sighs.
and cheers all shaken up together) In
nocence am strollin' along, unsuspIcioGs
of danger. while Vice am Waitin' 10 GID
her sch a swipe wild one of dem razors
as will leave her heaGleSs corpse. (SuC-
cessive shudders) Do yo' see de parallel ?
DO yO' perceive de obesity of De pompos-
ity? Az do yo' remark de COnsangUnity
of de eminent percOlosity? II yO' do. 1t
may not b too late. II you don't. den
may heaven help de reflex OF de jurisprud-
ence. Deafening and long-cOntinued ap-
plause. during which another window was
shatteredD
II ar Hstenin' TO de east. De norf. de
south, an de west, an I'm he2Tin' de
tramp. tramp Of millyuns OF men. De .
comes fiOatin' up TO mr on d. evenin'
breeze de voices Of an army. an, pesrin'
freW de darkness. / kin see de ripplin' Of
banners an de wsvin' of flags. Sensation
and cold chillsD IL am not one army alOn,
but a dozen. DER feet am shakIn' con-
tinent as dey march. De sound Of DER
drums am fllli1 Ge ears Of "A n1shBn. De
rustic Of deiT banners aEl Ike a mighty
wind sweepln' down a mighty mountain
10 upro0t trees which heV dened Ce gales
of a thousa no vars Dea'hiike silence.
with eyes rolling toward the ccilingJ An
what does desc sights an gOunds mean.
my fr'ers2 Dey mean dat dc fifteen mill
yum electors Of de United States hev gath
cred into regiments an bTigades an ar
mics 10 DO battle fur principle. II means
dat right heaE on de sile soaked wid De
blood OF our fo'fathers Oar am gWIne 20
be siCh a battle bdtween integrity an dis
honor a. will make De faces of men turn
lale ella ar 10 de utteTmOst parts OF d.
airth. Gigantic applsuse3 IL means dat
de multiplicity Of de impetUOsity has 90;
to eventuate In q permanent eXtermina-
tion OF the ingenuosity an dat 20 VIII
be called Ugon 10 &c last man 10 rnalntaiT.
fOrmity. (OutbuTst which ripped shingles
of the roof, tore Up the hONF. ana lifted
one end OF the hall a foot high II was
FIVE minutes before the speaker cOuia re-
sumeb
Yes. Il am g0.n' 10 be a hattie 20 de-
eide whether Innocence or Vice snail rule
dis klntTy. IL am gwine 20 be M between
fathers, sons. an brothers. n will -
naybur ag'in naybur. (Shudders and
sighsD When IL am ObeT, de dead will
strew De gr0und Ike autumn isavrs. an
Dc sight 0f blood Sill be red upon de land
/ heY come a thousand miles 20 talk %
yO'. but II an useless 10 al 20 a. mem
bers OF de POsSum party whar 20 stsrf
yo'r cheers hev answered dat queShun.
YO' hev taken De side 81 Integrity an In
nocence. (FSepeaIsd cheeTsD Yo' nev
gathered Yourselves into a legion, an wld
Drums beatln' an flags hyln' yO' viii
march fo'th 10 offer up yO'r lives on de
altar OF yo'r kintFy. Applause that wOaid
have been gigantic but for general bOsrse-
nsssb I say 20 20 march fO'th with
stout hearts an razOrs shaFTened fur de
fray. an / bid yo' fight on til de victory
am won. 0elisb An when de enemy
has bin swept OF De face Of Do airfh
when de dead hey bin buried an de fruits
% victory gathered in, when a nashun OF
patriots an fyermen hey replaced In
tegrity on her pedestal an surg deir
songs Of congratulsEhun. den
But whar does de black man come in -
asked a voice a. the orator paused.
What We gWine 10 git out Of it, de-
msnGed second
..whar's my offieesr yelled third.
den. my frea's. continued The colonel.