The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-11-18
K5G. DooEeg ON Cross=Gaamimafions.
BY F. P. dunno.
BY +. T. DUNNE.
Copyrighted 1900 by Robert Howard Russell.


fairs, an afther awhile laves him an
goes TO wurruk FIR a society pa-aper
Tis an old sayin' Nv Hogan's that no
man is hero to his vallay. That's
thrue. TIL vallay's tn hero.
We'll, this millyionaire I've been
r-readln about, he had a vallay an tn
vallay lost his eye wondherin' who tn
lady was, an thin he dipped too sthrong
into tn Floridy wather, an tn millyion-
aire bounced him. He fired him out
Lord Roland he says, go, he says
We've lived too long together he
says. People can't tell US apart, we
stagger so much alike, he says. I'm
gettn' so used to We that l have no
fear ~ ye, he says 1T was bad
enough whin We give me blue suspinders
with me fred pantaloOns, he says but
he says, 'whin l asked FIR an orange
an We brought In tn bootjack, felt
that we cud no longer ASSOCIATE on
terms iv equality he says. Yen have
to go back to tn house iv lords he
says. An he fired him out an wudden't
pay MIN cit iv wages he owed him
fr tn rest iv his life. So Lord Roland
sues him, an has him III coort
III millyionaire thrips in thinkla'
to h1msilf: 'Tis on'y a question iv
whether 1 shall pay this jock what 1
promised him or what he ought to tx
p1ct IF m a millionaire. Do | or do I
not owe Lord Ronald eighty-two dollars
fr curry-combin' me in tn mex cfnchrv
III lave ito an intilligint jury iv hon
est Americans who have always but
toned their own shirts, an Fright viii
conker an I'll keep me money
that's where he was wrong He hal
tn same experience 1 had except mine
was case tv plumbin' an his wan Nv
personal decoration. Afther he explain
ed to tn jury that he didn't owe Lord
Roland anything because his lordshlp
got dhroopin' eye firm dhrink an fire.
quently give him tn same collar ivry
week, he was TURNED over to tn at
torney FIR tn prosecution who cross-ex-
amined him.
We will pass over TIL questino iv
ye'er FINANCIAL relations with me clint
says tn distinguished barristher. an
come down to ye'er own private life. To
begin with, ARE We or ar-re We not a
nan ~ IN most dissolute morals?'
answer yes or no. says tn coort. He
admits it, says tn lawyer You were
dhrunk in 1892" can't raymimber,'
says tn millyionaire Put ii down that
mes always dhrunk,' says tn LAWYER.
Where dld We get ye'er money! 'Ye
don't know? TIL jury will take note iv
IN TACT that he prob'bly stole it. Ye'er
rather is dead. Did We kill him? 4
Ihlhk So. NOW, that We rayfuse To nav
Lord Roland what's not comm to him
now about ye'er wife?' NV wife ISM in
TINS case, says tn prisoner. The divvI
she ism t, says thu coort IT
want ye to know that ivrybodv
III TINS case We play no
| fay rites Whin TIL clear s,nlipb+ =,
American justice is tur-rned loose ~ ~, ~ y
matthern iv this charackter nawthin' IAN
! De MD Go on an tell us about ve'tr
wife Tn coOrt wishes to know 1rb,
/ coort is human says he. isn't II
lhrue. says tn lawyer, that ye'er spouse
s pettish an disagreeable be nature am
tllaC IN coIors " her hair ARE not fast
an that Lord Roland FREQUENTLY naal,a5
through tn dure an seen We ,aIlFin, ~
her! answer me, We fiend in human form
oon that lovely golden sheen ,lpon htr
locks come out in tn wash? Tell ono
monsther, tell tn hon'rabIe coort that,s
now leanln eagerly over tn bar to catch
Ivry pint tell tn jury that wud like TO
carry nome some s'ciety chit-chat IN
thelr own tired wives tell this into1l;o;n4
concoorse iv American citizens hebind ~
an IN gallant knights iv tn men in
F-ront w me waitin to spread tn details
10 IN Wurruld, tell me- ruffvian is Hive,
! or peroxide iv Hydrogen tn artbor -
III splehdor? An about her teeth-ar-re
tliey her own! VIII We swear to 1t? Raw
iie4 ye ar-fe on oath. Will We up
MT We er hand an swear that III loft
i Dl-cuspld is not acquired? Is her comnlax v
ION her own or firm day to day? Did va
iVef see her befure We were ma rrid on,
II so with whom? An about th, 9TH.
women Lord Roland saw We with. Were
they no betther thin they ought to he
or not as good as they might have heen
l cant recall their names, but We might
tel us who they ARE. Give us tha;r
names: Dhrag tn wretched crathers
II m their hidin' places in tn vowfv,,iIla
tnedlres an lave thin to sthaDd In RI,
clear sunlight Nv American iustice he
says, an be smirched,' he saws
There was scarcely q dhry eya-i,, ~,
coort Whin tn larned counsel concnd-
ed. In, ladies In tn audience ar,
plarded furyously as name afther n.,,,a
was brought forward. TIL i,deo saiS
mat he had tn time iv his life an, III,
jury afther seeurin' clipplns iv tn, nri.-
oner wife's hair rayturned yer1ict
nndin' Mrs: Hard Gold guilty " nerowe
Iae III tn nrst degree, without extenu-
atlh circumstances, an added a rider
recommendin' the ladies Lord Ro1and
seen with Hard Gold be TURNED o,lf ~
their lodgin's. 1t was a great triunnh
Tor IN Fright. 1t shows that tn eoorts
~ our fair land will put down with a
stern hand tn CROWN peroxide vice an,
tnat justice will find out evil dcers-
whin they ARE women-if II Las 70
take tn bandages off it's eyes an nide
in clothes Closet
1t serves tn man fright f'r haytn'
wan ~ thin vallays ar-round tn house, .
said Mr.. Hennessy
Well, it shows that saA NJ. Doc
ley, "An 1t shows tn DISADVANTAGES ~
wealth. No wan cares to hear what
Hogan calls: TIL short an simple
scandals iv tn poor But I wasn't
thinldn' about tn man in tn case.