The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1900-07-14
INTO HER OWN TRAP.
That IL Why This MAS Now Goes
Hsme at Any Hour He
Pleases.

1t was at q stag banquet last week
at the Hotel Cadillac, and a number Of
gentlemen Of the m~iddle-aged, bald
headed genus were Logging behind in
the reception hall, the younger mem
bers OF the society having taken their
seats at the tables In the ordinary. AL
we're chatting and laughing with a vim
that would have pu, the womsh's whist
congress to shame, says the Detroit
Free Press.
Il 20 home any time In the morning
l choose to, now" said a dapper little
man. any wife molests me not. Her
Caudle curtain lectures are reserved
for some future occasion, / presume,
but al present I'm safe.
This Is how such q state OF things
came to pass: l returned frUm q lodge
banquet the other evening. expecting
TO meet the usual white-rooed recep-
ton committee ct the top Of the stairs.
l took of my shoes and creaked stealth
lily TO my room. adjoining that Of my
wife, without being compelled to run
the usual disagreeable gauntlet.
~ ehuckled ~inaudibly and shook
hands with myself as ] disrobed and
lay m down to dream o; squads on
toast and broilsd shsd, as well a. other
things that weighted down my digestive
apparatus, but my mind was as clear as
q bell.
II was TRANQUILITY gliding away into
q doZe to the Imaginary strains OF
'Margery' when / was aroused by a
most unusual-a most lugubrious-
noise, II sounded like the caying In OF
a potato bin, and then there was a
shrek, almost masculine IN
Its intonatlon. and a crash against my
door that shook the house. Ileaped out
of bed, and with my scattered hairs
standing at an angle of IS degrees trem-
blingiy opened the door.
"a white object OF liberal dimensions
lay prone upon the floor, embracing a
dark object that looked like an apple
butter caldron. and bits Of something
that felt like broken glass pricked my
bare feet. Before ! could get my rigid
tongue in artieulatlng condition the
large object wrested itself from the
black mass, which fell with a crash to
the floor, and limped nimbly into my
wife's apartment.
u could not distinguish my surround
ings In the gray morning twilight, and
80 struck a match. Acoal scuttle which
had taken all the veneering Of the
lower part Of my door lay upturned
before me, and all around was a sea OF
nut coal that had played havoc with the
brussels carpet as well as my nerves.
A bust Of Minerva had fallen of A
bracket and added its remains to the
debris.
i tried to get into my wife's room,
but the door was locked. Greatly non
plused, sought my couch and itfu.ly
dreamed Of flet de boeut served with
charcoal until breakfast time. When
the morning meal was served. nv wife.
as Is not usually the case. Joined me.
She was all smiles and seemed infinitely
amused at something. She is a pretty
good fellow after all, and after ask
ing for an explanation Of the nocturnal
demonstration that had transformed
my sweet repose into q hideous night
a up and told me the whole thing.
she said she had sat at the top Of
the stairs waiting for me until she fell
into d dep slumber. Finally she
awoke. and a bright idea struck her.
With great difficulty she carried a large
scuttle OF coal upstairs and set IL al
my chamber door, thinking that OF
course as usual would stumble around
and consequently trip over II, thus Civ
ing the alarm.
Fortunately unwittingly steered
clear OF the object, but when three
O'Clock rolled around she became
alarmed at my hardness. and Irate VIC
ilance changed to tender concern.
creeping out Of bed, she made her wsy
to my door, entirely forgetting the
grim impediment that blocked It's en-
trance. with the result related here
toiore. One Of her knees was badly
mutllated and she was otherwise shaken
up but she was 20 glad TO learn thatI
a returned safe and sound and sble
TO hear alarms she didn't seold a biz.
agreed not to tease her about It IL she
would promise to leave me alone in the
future, no matter what time ! came in
which she did.