Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-11
THE MAN WHO COULDN'T
TAKE A JOKE.

/ TO inquire out IN my business said the
| cigar drummer, is, who will take a josh
and who won't. But you can take it as
a generally safe proposition that the
worst man to spring any funny business
on is a josher. I've learned that much
and / guess on the rest, so | don't often
make mistakes. Now, | can take joke
as well as any man, but / don't really
take any joke in springing them on
other people. / do it because I've got to
| be good fellow or miss sales. You
ask 1ny wife if l get gay around the
house. and she will tell you that I'm
dead one, and she's about right What
| / like TO do when | get home is to put
on nay slippers and read the Encyclo-
| pedia Britannica. There's a work for
your wiskersi 1t amt exciting, but a
man can get whole lot of good reading
out of it and find a few things that he
| never knew before. I'm wise guy up
to Ele-Fak. I'll bet there amt none>of
you can tell me anything about Ernst
Moriz Ludwig Ettmuller. thought you
couldn't and you don't know that the
eucalyptus is indigenous TO Australia
and Tasmania. Sure thing you don't
| you wouldn't know eucalyptus from an
| air shaft in tenement house.
| Some of the customers you try to en-
terrain can appreciate a good story, but
| there's others that you have to do card
| tricks and balance bung starter on
I lemonade straw on the end Of your nose
| to get the interest started before you
can open up your goods. There's big
| difference between a druggist and
| saloon man, and there's differences in
| the saloon men; some of them are just
cold business, and they've got their lit
| tie old roll-top desk with a telephone
on it in a cage behind the cigar case,
and if you ask them to take something
with you they pour ginger ale, and
there's the red-faced paunchy old boy,
with the beer leaking out of his eyes
and his hairy arms hopping up the slop
on the bar when he lets you talk to him
and grunts back. Then there's the be-
twixt and between. You know Luke
Tierney,, don't you?
Luke was the man that got up the
josh on them two boys that fancied
they was foot racers-had them train
Douglas boulevard for the best part of
a month. I'm in with the push at
Tierney's place and that's how it was
that l came to fool with Luke instead
of some one of the steadies. I've got
one of these fake cameras and | put it
in my satchel with a few samples and
drove the buggy over to Luke's one
evening last week. l showed him
some of the cigars and | told him if
he gave me any encouragement would
call the cigar the Number Ninety
Seven and put his picture on the
cover of the box. Well, jollied him
along and | could see that he was kind
Of struck with tie idea, so | clinched
it with the right price and told him
to go up to the room and get on his
diamond and the rest of the things to
get his mug shot. He went up and left
Johnny in charge and was gone the
best part of an hour, which spent put
ting the gang next
After awhile down he comes with
his hair parted in the middle and his
mustache waxed. Say! he was sight
He was all right, too, and don't you
forget it. l told him to sit down and
look pleasant, and the boys got around
and told him how to hold his hands
and to smile little wider and to put
his feet in Lis pocket, and tie his ears
back and all them gags, and finally
we got him in a good pose. l put my
head under the cloth and monkeyed
around and then l come out and told
him he was focused and took hold of
the rubber bulb, which held about a
pint.
Now, look at your no trust sign
and think how glad you would be to
take it down if you felt as if you could
afford it, says. Are you ready?'
"'All ready he says, let 'er go
Then 1 squeezed the bulb and the
whole pint of water shot in his face
and ran down his shirt bosom.
Instead of getting up and enter
tanning the house, do you know what
the lobster done? Well, if you Con [,
l don't know l can tell you, exactly.
think it was the chair he was sit
ting on that hit me first, but it
might have been the camera anyway
they was both smashed when l was
calm and collected enough to take
notice. One thing I am dead sure CT
is that he has got a good floor and
solid supports in the basement If
he hadn't I'd have gone through. He
was starting in to kick my Stats apart
when somebody got presence Of mud
enough to pull him back and hold him.
That was all that saved me from the
ambulance, and as it was, had to get
Johnny to help me to street car l
was feeling quite indisposed, want
to tell you.
Next morning here comes Johnny to
the house and he gives me a song and
dance about Luke being sorry for hav-
ing acted hastily and wanting me to
come to the joint in the evening and
give him a chance to apologize. He
says that he'll give you the order any
way, 'ssays Johnny, and he wants you
to come
well, / was still pretty hot under
the collar, but | got to studying the
thing over and l concluded that it was
business for me TO turn my cheek to
the smiter. and l concluded to go and
see what Mister Man had to say for
himself. | told Johnny that il my in
ternal injuries didn't prevent me I'd
be on deck, to tell Luke, and he said
that Luke had something good for in
ternal injuries that he intended 10 open
when I got there as mark Of his es-