davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
Vest Wa. Discounted.

''After Vest returned from the south
he commenced the practice of law at
Sedalia with John f. Phillips. While
in his Office at Sedala one day Vest
told me this story:
When a boy at Frankfort just
starting out on his career of public
speaking he penetrated the knobs of
Franklin county. Ky. He was making
a speech to a small crowd which had
scattered about the stump on which
he stood. The audience either sat or
lolled back on the ground while he
spoke. AS he expressed it afterward.
he thought he was playing the old
Harry with the opposite side, when, at
the height of what he considered a
splendid flight of oratory, some long,
fellow rose from a lounging position
about the middle of the group and
said:
eco it, my peckerwoodH
Vests hair was very red, and he
wore blue suit. He was knocked
clear off the stump and quit"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
!. OMITTED PARAGRAPHS.

AS man swells his heart contracts.
The money man conceals in his
vest pocket is always invested.
If YOU would know how to manage
a husband properly ask a spinster.
Charity should begin at home--but
II 1T ends there it isn't charity.
When a man sings his own praise
he usually pitches the key too high.
You are in luck if the lucky horse
shoe over the door doesn't drop on
your head.
The whistling wind and the whist
ling woman are seldom able to stop a
street car.
Cupid is the instructor in the fe-
male seminary who teaches the young
idea how to shoot.
Anticipated wise saws do not turn
to sawdust. but it would be a good
thing if some of them did
It's all well enough to return kiss
for blow-if the giver of the blow
happens to be pretty girl.
The love of money is said to be the
root of all evil-and the lack of money
produces many branches of the evil
Chicago Daily News.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

I In Austria coarse cloth of good quail.
ity and cheap paper is made from
peat fiber.
The peat boys in Sweden, many of
them eight to ten yards deep, cover
an area of about S.64S,O00 acres
Geneva, Switzerland. the old watch
making town, is now leading in the
manufacture of ingenious toys.
Japanese florists have succeeded IN
cultivating a rose which looks red in
the sunlight and white in the shade.
The Yellowstone park was visited
last summer by about $4,000 tourists,
or 5000 more than in any preceding
year.
Among the Mohammedans of Cal
cutta the infant mortality reaches the
enormous figure of 634.5 per 1000
births.
The death rate in New Zealand III
1896 was $40 per 1000 inhabitants, as
compared with 1871 in England and
Wales.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
WITH THE HuMORlST,

IF judged only by his air. said
the thoughtful man, l should say he
was a king. but his clothes give me
reasonable assurance that he is JAM
tor of an apartment house. Chicago
Post.
Mother-Children shall l buy lace
paper angel for the top of the Christ
mas tree?
Children Gin loud chorus)-No; git a
candy one!-Chicago Record.
What shiftless people there must
have been living on earth at the be-
ginning of the Christian era!' ex-
claimed the man who was all tangled
up over this twentieth century bust
ness.
"How 500" asked the person who
happened in for the purpose of helping
out the dialogue.
Because nobody appears to have
been able to look out for number L."
Chicago Tribune.
Well, I've learned one thing" he said
as he broke away from the crowd of
spectators.
''What is that?' he was asked.
"Never bet on war news that comes
from stock exchange sources. Chi
cago Post.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
A. to Fiery Staeds.

eyes," he said, as he went on hunt
ing for the place where his automobile
was broken, "the day Of the fiery steed
is past. It's bad thing for the poets
but we can't stay the march of prog
ress for the purpose of looking after
the needs of the bards. Poetry with
out the fiery steed will not be poetry,
especially where it refers to such mat
tiers as the ride from Client to AK,
Paul Revere's little trip and that hur-
RED movement in which Sheridan
played so important part. The fiery
steed has passed from the scene for
ev-"
Just then his fingers happened to
form connection between the ends of
a broken wire, and with yell he came
back to realization of the fact that
the fiery steed was still in evidence by
large and active majority
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
Kept Tab.
Monday morning.

Monday morning.
The passenger in the elevator Of the
large apartment house shifted the air.
Seems to me. William she said,
Il smell cabbage"
''Yes'm," replied the elevator boy.
"Thc Fergusons, on the third toor
back. is cookin' 'em fur dinner"
Tuesday afternoon.
IF ! am not mistaken. William,
there is y strong odor of mutton here"
''Yes'ln They're havin' mutton ul'
dinner at the Welkersons'. on the LSXt
floor. abc,t halfway back"
Wednesday.
''Wiliiam, where does that smell of
onions come from"
Comes I'm the Cluppinses', ma'am.
Their company's gone, and they don't
have no meat today"
Thursday evening.
81 think l notice a flavor of soap in
the atmosphere, William"
"Yes'm. The Brinkmeyers is dom
their washn. They do that every two
weeks
Friday
who's having fish today, William?'
'"Ihe SWallingers. on the fourth floor
the Biddlecombes, an the Giffords. an
the Shadwells on the second floor, an
the Jordl"ses, on the third. The Dor.
ans is goin' to have Turkey, but they
hain't begun to cook it yit."
EDO you know what we are to have
for dinner. Willam?'
"ies'm. cold meat an turnips but
l won't tell anybody, ma'am."
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
No Right To Ugliness.

Tho woman who is lovely in face form and
temper will always have friends but one who
would be attractive must have her health, If
she is weak, sickly and all run down she will
be nervous and irritable, If she has constipa
ton or kidney trouble her impure blood will
cause pimples, blotches, skin eruptions and a
wretched complexion, Electric Bitters is the
best medicine in the world to regulate stomach,
liver and kidneys and to purify the blood, 1t
gives strong nerves, bright eyes, smooth vel
vety skin, rich complexion, 1t will make a
good -looLing, charming woman of RIM down
invalid. Only SOC at Chas W Houston's drug
store. 2
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08

There was sound of revelry, last
Tuesday night, and many young peo-
pie had gathered down at Uncle Joel
Crees' where eyes danced at eyes, and
all was as merry as a marriage bell
till way long towards morning.
Presiding Elder Yerger, of the
Evangelical church, conducted very
interesting meetings, at the Station,
last Sunday, and this week he is up
in Viola township assisting the Rev.
Smay in conducting Quarterly Meet
ing there.
Last Monday Charley Milliman,
the Extra architect and builder, was
up and passed the day with George r.
Spencer submitting plans tor large
new farm house that Mr.. Spencer is
J going to have constructed in the early
springtime.
Tom Lee, from over i'll Greeley,
was at the Station, Tuesday morning,
on his way to Audubon with wagon
load ofextra good fat hogs. He has
La large herd of hogs to sell and we
expect to see Tom wearing diamonds
before many days.
Henry and Will Young, Harry
Percy, James Crees, James Elrod and
Uncle Mace Gill will pass some time
at the Masonic School of Instruction,
up at Audubon, next week Thursday,
Friday and Saturday nights, Febru-
airy 10, 16 and II.
The Blue Grass Creamery Compa-
ny's ice house is being filled from the
pond, down at Extra. The Letting
WELLS are saving and preparing the
blocks of GOODNESS and the members
of the creamery just turned out and
went down with teams and brought
it up to Hamlin.
They had the best kind of time
over at George Gill's party, last Sat-
urday night, and they played games
aud INDUCED in social chat until sup
per was announced when they all
marched out to the dining room and
sat down to one of the best repasts
that the land affords.
MI. Winslow Copeland, son.in-
law Of Mr.. and Mrs. Mace Gill, was
up from Cass county, Monday, and
contracted for Geo. Campbell's farm,
over by the Sunny Side school house.
Mr.. Copeland and family will move
up and take possession of their new
property about the first of March.
Rev. w. o. Allen, Presiding Elder
of the Methodist church, will be at
Old Hamlin on Sunday and Monday,
February Is, and 10, to assist Rev. r.
G. F. Chambers, of Extra, in conduct
ing Quarterly Meetings. Doctor
Allen will preach at Old Hamlin on
Sunday evening at 1880, and The Con-
ference will be held on Monday morn
ing.
In January there were twenty clear
days; eleven cloudy days; the wind
blew from the north for nineteen
days and from the south for ten days;
the warmest day was the 9th, AK in
the morning and "a at the warmest
part of the day; the coolest day was
2Sth, 16o below in the morning and
at zero the warmest part Of the day
rain fell to the depth of one quarter
of an inch; snow fell to the depth Of
an inch. S. D. CooNRoD, Observer
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
Side Lights on History.

'.Your majesty said one of the
court laclleyS. grant me the privilege
OF a word. Parliament has just
.'Cut ii short!' impatiently eX-
claimed King Charles.
II am afraid | can't your Majesty"
rejoined the lackey. Its the Long
Parliament
But this was Immediately blue-pen-
ciled by the court censor. for fear it
would get into the magazines.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

The charity that begins at home
very often ends there
It's the spirit rather than the price
tag that makes the gift valuable.
The letter B is always in debt-al
though there is no necessity for it.
If the girl is pretty and there is no
mistletoe handy-go right ahead any,
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
How Is Your Wife?

Indigestion, Sick Headache are the principal
causes, Karl's Glover Root Tea, has cured
these ills for half century. Price 25c and
SOC, Money refunded if results are not salts
factory. w Houston
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
On Every Bottle.

OF Shloh's Consumption Cure is this guaran-
tee: San we ask of you is to use two thirds
of the contents of this bottle faithfully, then
if you can say you are not benefited return
the bottle to your druggist and he may return
the price paid" Price 25c, soc and sl.OO G,
W. Houston.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
What do the Children Drinka

Don't give them tea or coffee. Have you
ried the new food drink called GRAIN-O?
1t is delicious and nourishing and takes the
place of coffee. The more GRAIN-O Won
give the children the more health you distrib
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08
Tell Your Sister

A Beautiful Complexion is impossible without
good pure blood, the sort that only exists in
connection with good digestion, healthy
liver and bowels. Karl's Glover Koot Tea
acts directly on the bowels, liver and kid neys
keeping them in perfect health. Price 25c and
SOC z. w. Houston, Extra.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08

ute through their systems. GRAIN-o is
made of pure grains. and when properly prel
pared tastes like the choice grains Of coffel
but costs about X as much. All grocers see
it. 15c and 25c. 3
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-02-08

Before placing yOus orders
for monumental sUOEE giUe as
u call. Only the best grades of
foreign and domestic marble
and granite used. SatistNc-
ton guaranteed IN material,
workmanship asa" price.
GRANTS ATL 4NT'IC
MARBLE and
GRANITE WORKS,
Atlantic. IOsUN.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-11-01

desk, so that Thornby violated no con-
fidence later when he told the story
with many hilarious smile.
The old Kirkwood house is mere
~ Renaissance in the national cap
ital. Ats disappearance was volumi-
nously commented upon when it was
obliterated; and the story of the old
hotel is brought wildly to memory by
reason of the fact that another old
hotel, within a block of the treas
ury building has been torn down this
summer in order to make room for
an immense modern struct ire.
The old hotel was originally built
in 1886, for the use of the post office
department. Within five years the
Doric columns of the new post office
department We're erected, and the
postmaster general took possession
thereof. Then it was that the hotel
was opened. 1t has been known by
name to all who have visited the ma
tional capital during the past so
years. 1t was what the proprietor
hoped it would be, as he expressed it
with his New England nasal twang,
"a very likely tavern.r The hotel
which will take its place will be a
credit to this great and growing city.
The department Of justice is in tenn
porary quarters because its historic
building. opposite the treasury depart
ment, has been torn down this sum.
mgr. to make room for another. .
bigger and better building. The old
Corcoran art gallery is about to be
taken down, in order to make room
for hall of records of the executive
departments.
These are only few of the i'm
proyements which are being made
upon Pennsylvania avenue; and they
have come none too soon. The prin-
cipal thoroughfare of the national
capital has long been regarded as the
best parade ground in the world: but
the buildings along that thoroughfare
have never reflected credit upon the
city. nor upon the people of the re-
public. The improvements briefly out
lined here really constitute n great
stride in the development of the ma
tional capital as a modern city.
SMITH d. FRY.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-11-01
A NATURAL SOLDIER.
An Indiana Man Who Went TO War
Second Time in Another's
Place.

Il met the Other day." said the
major, relates the Chicago Inter
Ocean, "a man whose rank and rec
ord in the old army were in ques-
ton. He claimed the rank of cap
tain, but the record of his latest
service showed that he served in the
last few months of the war as an
enlisted man. This was beyond dis
pute, and people were very curious
to hear an explanation. The captain
himself declined to make any. AS he
stood up six feet three inches in
height | was surprised by the express
sion on his face. and I recognized in
the successful business man a COM
rade of the old time.
HE served full three years in an
Indiana regiment. He entered the
service an unsophisticated, awkward,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-11-01
Saved the Line.

You remember that hot Sunday at
Chickamauga ," asked thecomrade with
the wooden leg. Il was serving in Gen.
Steedmans division of the reserve
corps The confederates were giving
us fits. and the line was beginning to
waver. 1t was a storm of bullets and
the men of the corps. splendid soldiers
though they were. could hardly face
il. The flag was coming Slowly back
with the men. and in a few minutes it
seemed certain that the whole line
would be in retreat. Just then Gen.
Steedman. great. broad-shou,Gered
stalwart man, came riding up. He saw
that the line was wavering and rode
straight for the color bearer. Selling
the flag in one hand he turned around
and faced the retreating men. He had
a voice as big as his figure. and what
he said sounded clear above the rattle
OF the rifle fire.
Go back. boys. 60 back he yelled.
but the flag can't go with YOU
Then. without waiting 10 see the
effect of his words. he turned again
and rode straight toward the enemy'>
line. And the men. answering with a
cheer. closed up the line and swept for
ward ike resistless river. C ago
Tribune
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-11-01
SOME CLOSE FIGURING.
How "A Careful HOusekeeper Upheld
Her Reputation for
Economy.

She was the wife of an official of
St. Paul street corporation. Her one
pet hobby was economy. Though her
husband made an excellent salary, she
was rigid in her rules pertaining to
the buying of the necessaries for the
household She would haunt bargain
counters and market stalls for hours
in order TO get the benefit of a re-
duction of a few cents on the article
desired, says the Baltimore Sun.
The corporation official, with much
laughter, used to tease his better half
about what he called her ''stnginess."
So one day, feeling hurt at his ridi-
Guile, she resolved to take him to mar
Ret with her and demonstrate beyond
n doubt that she was a most econom-
ical buyer. He consented. STIMULATING
that he was not to be asked to carry
the basket
Arriving at the market, she made
several purchases, and then at one
stall inquired the price of eggs.
what" she exclaimed; 40 cents a
dozen? No, indeed, that is too high"
She dragged her reluctant husband
after her from one stand to another,
still inquiring the price of eggs and
always receiving the same answer, I'M
til near the upper end of the market.
Here she found dealer who offered
to sell her eggs in any quantity for IS
cents. TO her husband She said joy
ously:
There, | told you so. Why, those
others were robbers"
Turning to the salesman she or
dered half a dozen eggs. gravely hand
ed him the eight cents asked in pay
ment and went home, prattling away
about the worth of economy in mar
keting and the alleged Willingness of
dealers TO gouge the unsuspecting
customer. And She never knew that
her husband and his friends laughed
over il at the club.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-11-01

opened all the envelopes and laid the
smaller ones, which ostensibly con-
tanned personal letters, upon the desk
of the first assistant postmaster gen.
eral; but the big official envelopes he
distributed to the clerks in charge of
the appointments in the different
states, and he always did his work in
diligently and with good Judgment.
Gov. Crosby had only been the in
cumbent of the Office of first assistant
postmaster general few days when
he rung his bell, to which Thornby re-
sponded, and Gov. Crosby said:
81 want to know who it is that
opens my letters every day before they
are placed on my DESK
THAT is my work, sir" said Thorn
by, bowling and smiling as one who
knows his duty is well performed.
well, hereafter" said Gov. Crosby,
81 do not want anybody to open my
mail. Let the mail be placed upon
my desk and l will open it myself. 1
do not wish to have my correspond
ence handled in this indiscriminate
manner"
On the following morning, when
Crosby entered his Office ne was
amazed to see it transformed into a
general delivery Office and mail pack
ing establishment. His desk was
stacked three feet high with letters
of every description, not one of which
Thornby had opened. In a little
space upon the desk before Crosby's
chair were $50 or 200 small envelopes
containing letters which might be
presumed to be personal, but at least
three-fourths of which must have been
official.
Gov. Crosby was no fool. He simply
lacked executive departmental expert
ence. He saw at once that the col
ored man had huge joke on him. He
rang the bell and when the polite
Thornby appeared, he said: Thorn
by, here is fiye-dollar bill which be-
longs to you. Take all of this stuff
off of my desk and say nothing about
il to nybody"
The faithful and intelligent negro
did as requested. But the clerks, who
had been waiting for their daily work
more than two hours that morning,
had ascertained the fact that all of
their mail was piled upon Crosbys
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-11-01

coming and going as guests of the same
hotel. Vice President Andrew johnson
was a guest of the Kirkwood house on
the night of the tragedy at Ford's the
alter. when President Lincoln lost his
life by the hand of an assassin. On the
following morning it was in the Kirk
wood house that Mr.. Johnson took the
oath of office and became president of
the United States.
In the spring of 1864. when the sue
cessful general of the Mississippi val
ley, L. S. Grant, came TO the national
capital to receive from the hands of the
president his commission as lieuten-
ant general of all the armies he was a
guest at the kirkwood house. From
time to time Gems. Sherman, Sheridan,
Hancock. Logan, Meade and other emf
.,ent military men either had their
rooms or took their meals at the Kirk
wood house. II was not until several
gears after he war had closed. when
the armies had been disbanded, the
carpet bag period had passed. and the
unusual business incident to and de-
pendent upon the civil war had ceased,
that the Kirkwood house. being no
longer the most popular hostelrie in
the city, was closed.
During the latter part of March, 1864,
while he WAS planning the offensive
campaign which commenced with the
battle Of the Wilderness on the 5th
day Of the following May. banquet
was given to gen. Grant in the Kirk
wood house, which was followed by a
ball. and iii the festivities of both
events Miss Kate Chase. the accom-
plished. brilliant and beautiful daugh-
ter Of Chief Justice salmon T.. Chase.
was the social leader. Although the
celebrated hostelrie was frame build.
ing of the olden style. it was an cNcep-
tionally large and roomy structure for
those DAYS More than 200 men and
women of distinction participated in
the banquet and. before the dawn of
the morrow had dispersed the merry
makers. nearly 1000 of the men and
women of note in those days partici-
pated in the terpSichorean mazes.
For many years the best servant in
the old kirllwood house was colored
man named George rhornby. He acted
as valet to Gen. Grant on that occasion
and was subsequently detailed to look
after the comfort of Vice President
Johnson. So it happened that when
the old house finally gave way to a
more modern structure. Thornts
through the kind intercession of many
men of prominence whom he had
served. secured an appointment as
messenger in the post office depart
ment. when Congressman TYner. of In
DIANA was made postmaster general.
/ He remained there until a few years
ago. when he died. Thornbv was a
very intelligent fellow and was made
mail messenger 20 the first assistant
| postmaster general. During his lat
/ ter years he took a great deal OF pleas
ure in telling a story concerning John
| SCHUYLER Crosby. Of New orl. who was
the governor OF the territory OF Mon
/ tana fer three years and became firss
assistant postmaster generei whcn
| Frank Hattcn mas advanced 20 shs Sc
sittpS - Soeepsert5- x ezseb secsoay
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1900-11-01
TURKEY TALK.
This Man Thinks There Is Good
Deal Of Human Nature I'm the
Foolish Fowl.

"Darned if a turkey amt sort of
peculiar oritter." said Horatio John
son the other day. relates the Lewis
ton tMe.1 Journal There's good
deal of human nature mixed in with
lots that is just plain turkey.
THE other day while l was sittin'
in the barn door one of my turkeys
come yerkin' along and peekin' right
and left. and finally spied a rag on
the ground that every turkey had
been travelin' over sence snow went
off Turkey picked il up and Slated
il out. That minute every turkey in
the yard started for him He run. Ii
evidently struck him all of a sudden
that he had got hold OF suthin' that
was mighty. valuable He run and he
lodged and he ducked and he run
some more. Every few minutes some
one Of them turkeys would get after
him by the wing. or the wattles or
else by the rag and there would be a
tug of war. And Il last another tur-
k.,t got the rag away and there was
another chase. Guess them darn fool
turkeys would have been runnin' the
fat of themselves the uext day if l
hadn't set the dog on en- and drove
EN- up on the woodpile.
That's jus; the Way with turkey
Let any other one in the fiock see
hold OF suthin ami every. one % the
blamed fools will sax; for hiG @ her
and rrn till they fairly drop
Ana. as have said. the-s 10 . eoses
deal II drman as;gp7 zGh5 sAS65s"