Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1900-10-17
HOW They MAKE US LAUGH.
Samples Of tho Jokes tho Comedians Arc
Now Using.

just now In the music halls and vaude-
vile shows about town. While they
often come face to face with stage
jokes of their boyhood, the stereotyped
conundrum from the patent medicine
mans almanac, or the stories they
heard in the corner grocery days, they
find much that Is new and really witty
Most Of the funny Things look fiat in
print; but the ridiculous manner in
which they are uttered and the horse
play which accompanies most Of them
serve to carry them of with more OF
less success. The following Is 30 popu-
lar just now that 1t is being told in
half dozen New York theatres night.
ly and has been in use for six months:
First Comedian-My sister has great
luck. She went down to Asbury Park
this summer and got q 500 pearl out OF
an oyster.
Second Comedian-That's nothing
Ny sister got a diamond necklace out
Of a lobster at Narragansett Pier.
Mason and Francis, sketch team
who played at Proctor's Twenty-third
Street theatre, opened the programme
with a sketch in which the stage set
ting showed the exterior Of q country
inn. The man Of the team appears as
a farmer. The woman appears as q
waitress. After a little by play the
farmer announces that he would like
to have some dinner. Many Of the dish
es he orders is not on the bill Of fare.
Finally, he says he would like to have
some hard boiled potatoes.
I'VE didn't expect you."
We haven't any," replies the girl.
"Well, then," he says, "give me a
couple Of loose eggs."
Haven't any," is again the answer.
I'VE didn't expect you."
"Well," asks the farmer, didn't the
hens expect me either?" and she an
swers:
mo, If they had, they would have
been laying for you"
You're a wonder"
You ought to see my sister,"
Where is she?"
Doing a skirt dance in Aladdin"
"You ought to see my sister. She's
doing a skirt dance in q laundry"
Walter Terry and Nellie Elmer, a song
and dance team, who appear later on,
discuss matrimony. The girl finally
says:
What kind Of husband do you ad-
wise me to get?" He replies:
"Get a single man and let husbands
alone"
Campbell, taking comedians" amuse
the audience with this sort Of patter:
"I'm going to buy my Uncle Tom a
candy horse"
why? He might not like it."
"Well, II he don't like it he can lick
it."
Don't spring anything like that on
me. Did you hear about my brother?"
mo"
Hes a corker."
"Is that SOP"
"Yes, he's got a job in a bottling
works."
Do you know that your coat don't
fit you?"
Its a good f1t."
go on, it's almost convulsion."
II met your wife yesterday"
Did you notice her teeth?"
mo, she didn't open her mouth"
THAT couldn't have been my wife"
II understand you beat her like a
carpet"
That's the only way I can get the
dust out Of her."
Say, do you know I started in life
as a barefooted boy?"
"Well, tell you right here wasn't
born with shoes on"
I'm we'll fixed now. I got a job
helping my father. He's the superin-
tendent of a factory and has 1000 men
under him."
That's nothing; my father had 5000
men under him."
rs that so?"
Yes, when he went up in the balloon
in Chicago"
well, my father was a soldier. He
was the first man to enlist in the 121st
Ipswich regiment"
There's no such regiment. Don't
tell that to anyone who knows any,
thing"
II never do"