davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

Knocked seven bells out of everything
lie came across and had money TO
bury on every island he came across
He thought he was having high old
time and that II would last to his
eighty fifth year and that he would
then give $4,000 to an orphan asylum
and die in his bed. All of you know
how he ended. He was still prancing
and cavorting and high rolling when
the law seized him and he was hung
by the neck. He figured 1t all out be.
fore he went his way, and he came to
the conclusion that he hadn't been in
II. He wrote II down on his shirt col
lar In red ink that his having had a
high old time was all mistake and
that the farmer who had stuck to corn
and potatoes was ahead of the pirate
business. l see before me bald
headed broad backed man, who is evil
IDENTIFY itching to become n pirate bold
| call on him to pause ere II Is too late,
Let us take stlll more historical
case. Behold the picture of Judas Is
CARROT. 1t is Il sketch made of him
while he was II young man. and you
see that he holds the plow behind an
OK. Judas was a filler of the soil for
many years. He was naturally good,
and daily contact With nature added TO
his goodness. He came to be known
far and wide rs man who always
shoveled the snow off his sidewalk
clear up to the line, and II ho had
lawsuit about line fence he didn't
drag In the whole country. When he
went up TO Jerusalem, he was honored
and respected OF all men, and his daily
life was without blot No one has
tried TO explain why Judas suddenly
made up his mind to change and give
things away, He WAS rewarded with
"a pieces of silver, but he had no note
coming due and was not hard up for
cash. But change lie did, and he no
doubt expected 10 have high old times
ana lead the band. His career, as YOU
all know. was brief and rocky. Things
didn't turn out as he hoped for. He
was stunned of men. lodged OF dogs
and died without having enjoyed him
self for day. | am now looking at IA
man In this audience who closely re
sembles Judas iscariot and who may
be planning to sell out and cut loose.
Ii SO, let my words sink deep Into his
heart when | say that the result of
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

The crying demand of the times ls n
dish that Will not fall out of girls
hands and break. Women who keep
help In their Kitchens do not make the
complaint Of broken dishes more often
than the woman whose daughters do
the dishes" As soon as n man gets
half dollar saved II has to 20 for II
meat platter or n pitcher which his
daughter dropped, and there probably
isn't n family engaged In housekeeping
that doesn't have to make weekly visits
to "A qucenswarc store. In some homes
the daughters are fined for every plate
they break but the father has TO give
them the money to pay bnck to him In
fines, so that he Is always the loser. If
Il man IS put In good humor by his din
ner, the crash of china heard from the
kitchen ten minutes later drives his
good nature away Atchlson Globe.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
OUTLOOK FOR 1900.


All Sicns Poiat 10 "a Continuation of
the Present Activity.
Every sign seems to point to a bigger
volume of business in 1900 than In
1S9a though Il seems almost Incredible
that that should be the case, for from
reports made In respect to last years
business ii is evident that large num-
Der of the mills and factories of the
country were taxed TO their utmost ca.
pacity, and the demand for labor In al
most all sections of the country has
been greater than the supply. The
statement made by Mr.. \. ]. Miller of
Providence. the vice president of an
iron and steel concern, In respect to the
condition Of affairs in New England
applies fairly we'll to the country rs n
whole Mr.. Miller says
General business conditions have
not been So good in New England in
years, our state Is a perfect hive of In.
dustry, and mills that have not been in
operation in years are now running
full blast. In textiles the manufac.
turers of ouf state are doing a great
business, and II is fact that some of
our cotton mills are so filled with or.
dcrs that they are running nights, a
condition of things that has not pre-.
vailed in years"
If this kind of thing keeps up, the
latest thing in free trade arguments
Will he that free trade Is needed by the
country In order to give the working
people n rest from the arduous labor In
which they have been engaged ever
since the Dmgley law brought back
business activity and prosperity to the
country There isn't any likelihood,
however, that the people will be so
anxious for long vacation without
pay that they will vote for free trade.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
THE REPORTERS METHODS.
Marked Difference From Those of the
Orator, Preacher md Novelist

Marked Difference From Those of the
Orator, Preacher and Novelist.
Probably not one reader I'm IL hundred
has paused to notice that II newspaper
article Is written on plan Just the re
verse of that of n sermon or Grafton
Comparatively few ministers have an
nlyzed the subject sufficiently to notice
this fact and their ignorance of 1t Will
often account for the reluctance of
newspapers Ia accept matter eontrihut-
ed by them. 1t IS worth the while of
every man and woman 10 know the
general plan oh which newspaper nrtl
eles are written. for almost everybody
desires ut times to announce something
through the press. The mere knowl-
edge of the theory Will not make sue
cessful writer In this or any other de
partment, but IT Is the first step.
The skillful preacher or orator usual
ly reserves his most important points
until toward the end of his discourse,
closing with climax; the sklllful
newspaper reporter puts his climax in
to his first sentence and ends with the
most nonessential detail. While the
novelist secures his drannti" """@' hp
keepin. the secret Of his story hidden
as long M possible, the reporter attans
success by revealing his secret as
quickly ms words Will let him. Both
are working ON principles as clearly
defined ns that on which II sonnet Is
constructed. but the modern newspa-
per article Is Of SO much more recent
date that few critics have analysed 1t,
and even many OF the best New York
writer's work daily upon the foregoing
principle without knowing IT, No man
can work many days under n metropol-
itan city editor without learning it
Chicago Christian Advocate
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
CALLED HER SON.
Hy Mistake She Communicated with
the Wrong institution.

lily Mistake She Communicated with
the Wrong Institution.
A Pittsburg woman tells this story
on herself: She had II son attending II
preparatory school near Sing Sing. She
went to New York not long ago 10 pay
him II visit. She stopped Mt the Fifth
Avenue hotel ON her arrival, and she
desired to call up the school by tcle-
phone to inform him that she would he
up the following day. She asked the
young man In charge of the hotel eN-
change TO call up Sing Sing for her
and get telephone No. II lie did SO,
and she sat down To talk.
"Hellow she sald Us that Sing
SIng?"
ut Is"
"Well, want II. I'm Mrs. High
land, and want to speak To my SON"
what number did you say, madam"
mo. H."
Your son, you saldY
Eyes, my son Harry Highland"
Hold the telephone moment"
She waited minute or two, ana then
Sling Sing said
Sorry, madam, but we can't allow
you to talk to him over the telephone"
whats TINT? Cant allow me to
talk 10 my SOM What sort of an in
stltuton lh tnat, "a 11n" ~ 1."o's =.
"You must come here In person on II
visiting day with the proper pass be
fore you can see him
Indeed! Well, I'll Just come up
there on the next train and take him
right away With me. !"
"No use to come, madam Hes got
3h years to serve yet"
'"1o whom am tnlklngY
"This is the office of the warden of
Sing Sing prison"
"Oh! Ring Off, pleaser' PttBburg
News
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
Motion and Color.

The relations between light and the
eye are wonderful, and the rapidity OF
the vibrations Of the atmosphere nee
essary TO produce color sensations are
amazing. 10 get the sensation of red
ness our eyes are affected 4S2,000,000
times In second; of ycllowness, 5f0,-
100000 and of violet, 707, 100000. SO
that the seven hued rainbow, whose
firm and subtle flame Is reared out of
drops of water that are ever shifting,
plays upon the human eye in manner
20 astounding that the strongest mind
might stagger beneath the awful reye-
latlon.-London Opinion,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

A missionary at one Of those out Of
the way stations where mail comes to
him but once year says lie sub
scrlbcs for daily newspaper and has
all of the numbers sent him at once.
He arranges them In consecutive or
der and every morning after break
fast on the right day of the month
reads his paper That is just one year
old 'In this way get my news con
secutively," he says. "and enjoy n
morning paper all through the winter,
for | do not allow myself to read
ahead. You cannot imagine what COM
pany 1t Is and how civilized | feel
INDIANAPOLIS Press
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
NOT REVERSIBLE.
One Decision That the supreme
Court Couldn't Alter.

Court Couldn't Alter.
In the good old days when Judge
Gaslln sat upon the bench in Il district
that comprised the western half Of
Nebraska. the rustler, the horse thief
and the killer abounded. Judge Gaslin
was aware that there was hut one way
TO rid the country of these pests, and
that way was to make It too hot for
them. Accordingly Judge Gasln. when
one of them was put on trial, admitted
evidence that was sometimes 'incom-
petent Irrelevant and immaterlal," but
as 1t was generally true that If the
prisoner was not guilty he had been
guilty of something equally bad Judge
Gaslin let ii go Mt that and clinehcd
the prisoner on general principles. The
result was that the supreme court re-
versed a good many Of the Judges
cases.
During these perilous times an afro
clous murder was committed IN Adams
county and the perpetrators We're soon
captured The evidences Of guilt were
plain, and the two prisoners We're soon
pronounced guilty and sentenced TO be
hanged But as several notorious char
acters had recently been allowed 10 es-
cape by the supreme court, the people
of Adams determined to forestall any
thing of that kind by quietly lynehing
the prisoners. The two men We're tax
Ell from the Jail and hanged to n rail.
road bridge east of town,
The bodies We're left hanging to the
bridge and next morning Judge Gas
lin sauntered cut that way TO take n
look lie ga2ed on the swayIng bodies
for few moments without saying
word. Then he turned to friend and
remarked
Il sentenced those two fellows to be
hanged. That's one decision that In
fernal supreme court wont reverse"
Omaha World Herald
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
His Touching AppeaI,

"Can't | teach you to love me. Miss
GenevieveY pleadlngly asked the
young man.
81 fear not, Mr.. Spoonamore, she
answered.
'Then won't you please teach me
how TO teach you to love meT he In
sisted eagerly
This appealed to the essentially mas
cullne or pedagogic element more or
less latent In every woman, and she
promised to take 1t under consldera-
tlon.-Chicago Tribune.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
LET II Ga nj Tint.

One day, In advocating IA more liberal
loosening Of the purse strings Mt II
Methodist conference In Washington,
Bishop w. A. Gambler said that several
years ago he sent an article to II paper
In which he wrote that Eve pray too
loud and work too little"
The intelligent compositor got In his
fine Italian hand, and when the article
appeared It rcad, I'VE bray too loud
and work too little"
81 let 1t go ut that" snid the bishop
"Tbe fact is, believe the printer was
right, and never attempted to correct
II
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
JUDAS AT THE PLow.

badness is inevitable. 1t may prosper
for short time but the bad man Is
busted and laid low when his pride Is
greatest. 1t may not pay above 3 per
cent to be good, but with n clear CON
science, good crop of potatoes and u
sure interest on your money you can
fall asleep on the cellar stairs or tho
kitchen roof and know that all will be
well with you when the cows come
home to he MIXED. NJ. QUAD
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
The wedding Ring.

Many believe that the loss Of IA wed
ding ring means that the husband !
love Will be lost IN turn. If the ring
is broken, the husband win soon die.
In Ireland II Is general belief that
to rub sore with n golden wedding
ring Will cause IT to speedily heal.
The wedding ring Is supposed never
to tarnIsl, and If It does become dim
II IL said to be warning TINT love also
Is furnished and dim.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
Moral of the Garden.

Nothing teaches patience like II gar
den. You may go round and watch the
opening bud from day TO day, but II
takes Its own time, and you cannot
urge it Oh faster than 1t Will If forced.
1t Is only torn to pieces. All the best
results Of n garden, like those Of life,
are slowly but regularly progressive
Weekly Bouquet
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

lone finds very little real poetry in
print nowadays" remarked the young
woman
Yes" answered MIR. Bardly Scrips
as he pushed his hair back from his
brow: ITS the old story with me. IL
man wants TO he sure something Is
well done, lie must do 1t himself -
Washington Star.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
A Tr.ncherous Jewel.

If a faded turquoise be danpened, It's
color Is temporarily restored The orl-
entails utilize this quality by carrying n
stone In their mouths ana deftly slip
ping II into their hands to display II.
Dealers In Meshcd guard against such
receptions by retaining n stone few
days before purchasing, as the tur-
auolse Is the most treaeherous Of Jew
els
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

We are proud to welcome you to most pros
porous state.-Goyefn9f poyHter Of Nebraska
Why proud? As n Populist you must
be ashamed Of prosperity which -
particularly incOnyenicnt TO Colonel
BryaD.-New York Sun.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
Prompt Answer.

"AIy friend" said the long haired
passenger 10 ihe young man in the seat
opposite. "to whit end has your life
woil. been dircctcdT
"ro both ends" WIZ the reply. Il
have the onl5 first class hat and shoe
storc,in our village" Chicago News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

1--WE are what we feed on" quoted
Mr.. Hixson. laying down his book,
"and am willing TO say the author Is
right. For example,
81 am already believer" Mrs. Hix-
son Interrupted. you will insist on
having lobster for supper always"
And Mr.. Hixson, mortified, grew
very red Brooklyn Life.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

A German sayant says dying Is n
perfectly easy and painless process.
Consciousness, he says, ceases in near
ly every instance before the heart
stops beatIng
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

Stone street was the first street in
New York city paved with cobble-
stones; hence It's name. The paying
was done In the year 1861.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

The greatest Of all human benefits,
that, at least, without which no other
benefit can be truly enjoyed, Is indie
pendence.- Parke Goodwin.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
Contradictions.

"Well, Digby, I'm surprised! You're
getting gray"
ayes, yes; I've got lots OF grny hairs
and precious few of em."-Detroit
Free Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

On an average every man, woman
and child IN this country consumes
about three bushels of apples per year.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

Philosophy teaches us how easy 1t Is
for any man to forget his troubles, pro-
vided he IL so fortunate rs TO be some
body else
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20
ADVERTISING RATES.
THE FUN IN BADNESS.
1T is POOR COMPENSATION FOR A
CAREER OF CRIME.
The Famous Lecturer, q. Hope Jones,
Cites Some Noted Cases In History
to Prove His Contention That Cuss-
edneEs Doesn't Pay

Copyright. 1900, by c. b. Lewis.l
Fellow Citizens of Oshkosh Permit
me TO say that l am proud and grateful
for this large attendance this evening.
Although tAe admission is free and
everybody came expecting chrome
as n free gift, | am grateful all the
same. Before beginning my lectures IT
is usual for me to take up a collection.
and | will now proceed with the task.
This collection is not necessarily an
evidence of your good faith In any
thing particular, but is intended to
pay my back rent and laundry bills
and assist me To reach Beaver Dam.
1t doesn't matter II the undersigned
whether you give cheerfully or grudg-
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

champagne and race horses and going
a-fishlng; but, alas, 1t is also full Of
blighted souls.
Let me herewith present you the
picture of Captain Kidd, the pirate.
He was n man who had honor and
fame and the respect Of the world
within his reach. He had only to keep
on being good to arrive at that point
where men would doff their hats to
him and women fall over each other to
get view Of the back Of his neck.
Then he suddenly changed. He flung
his goodness to the winds and went In
to be screaming old pirate. He was
a hummer from Hummersville. He
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

Friendship bought with money isn't
proof against the coin Of your enemy
Chicago News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-20

The only bachelor who eau boast n
mother-ln-lore is the bachelor of arts
London Judy.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-10-07
The Early Autumn wedding.

The time is rapidly approaching for
the early autumn wedding and a word
along this line may not be amiss. The
invitations should be issued about
three weeks before the date fixed for
the ceremony, and they should be ac-
cepted or declined with as little delay
as possible, SO that the hostess may
have plenty of time for making COM
plete arrangements. If the wedding
party is to be small, that is, number
ing about a dozen, the invitations may
be written. but otherwise, it is correct
to issue the invitations on special cards
with silver lettering, and with spaces
for the names. They can be bought at
most stationers. and cost about seven
ty-fiye cents q hundred.
The announeerlnt which is conveyed
by the invitation cards will be fol-
lowed by the arrival of wedding pres
ents, and their receipt should be
promptly acknowledged by either the
bridegroom or the bride. They should
be sent to the brides house that they
may be on view on the day OF the cere-
mony. The inspection of the wedding
presents usually occupies the interval
before the wedding feast while the
gusts are arriving in detachments
from the church. The card of the
giver should be fastened to each gift.
and the proper display of the gift is
a splendid exercise in taste and tact.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-10-07
MARY TWAIN, CAMPAIGNER.
now He introduced General Hnw-

now He introduced General Haw-
only once did Mark Twain appear
in public as a political speaker. As a
conscientious Republican in his polit-
zeal preferences, Mr.. Clemens took an
active interest in the Presidential cam
paign OF 1880. While visiting In FL
mira, N. ", in the fall Of that year, he
made a short speech n Saturday
night, introducing to a Republican
meeting Gen. Hawley, of Connecticut.
In the cours of his remarks, Mr.. Glenn
ems said: Z.
General Hawley is a member OF
my church at Hartford, and the author
OF Beautiful Snow" Maybe he will
deny that. But / am only here to give
him a character from his last place.
as a pure citizen, / respect him: as a
personal friend of years, | have the
warmest regard for him; as a neighbor,
whose vegetable garden adjoins mine,
why-why, l watch him. As the
author of Beautiful Snow" he has
added a new pang to winter. He is a
square true man in Aonest politics, and
| must say he occupies a mighty lone
some position. So broad, so bountiful
is his character that he never turned a
tramp empty-handed from his door.
but always gave him a letter of intro
duction to me. Pure, honest, incorrupt-
ible, that is Joe Hawley. Such a mar
in politics is like a bottle Of perfumery
in a glue factory-it may moderate the
stencil, but it doesn't destroy it. !
boyoptf said onv mora IF him than |
would say of myself. Ladies and gen.
tlemen, this is Genral Hawley .'"-Will
M. Clemens in Ainslee's.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-10-07
THUMBS N U

Copyright, 1900, by c. 3. Lewis)
Father" she began as she entered
the library, II want to know right here
and % whether or no I'm to have a
sealskin sack this coming winter"
II hope so, daughter, but you know
But speak right from the shoulder.
Do | have one or no? This is bust
ness"
II hardly think you'll get one, as
money
AS none is tight and you can't af-
ford it?"
That's it, and l hope you'll try to
make your old cloak do"
Never, sir! It's either a sealskin or
DEATH"
But. Julia
Never you mind Julia. Do I get the
sack?"
"I-I"-
THAT settles it! Hunt up the card
OF your favorite undertaken"
He would have said more, but she
was gone An hour later they brought
her in from the river, into which she
had plunged to her death. "A sealskin
sack would have cost $3.50. The fun
eral cost $425 and wasn't anything to
hrag of at that. Resulted man was
S1so out of pocket and lost two days
at the Office.
y = =
Mother" said the little 5-year-old
boy in a plaintive voice, why don't l
have a papa like other boys?"
You have one, Tonto," she replied.
But | never see him. Where is hep"
"Your father left home four years
ago, darling. We had a little racket
about the bean soup, and he got mad
and left"
sWIll he never come back again,
mamma?"
Il hope so. darling. Yes, l hope heav-
en- will bring him back to us. There is
the bell. Suppose it should
1t was.
well, I said the soup was burned" re-
marked the returned wanderer as he loaf
ed in and looked at the mother.
"And 1 said it wasn't" she replied.
what, do you still defy me?"
The soup was all right, and I'll stick to
it,"
Then farewell, obstinante woman! 1
go to put in another four years in Eu-
roper
"Papa." whimpered the kid.
Henry called the wife.
But he had turned the corner and was
out of sight, and the bean soup question
was settled for another As months.
"Ah, count, is it your" said the million
aire as he arose and extended his hand.
II hope l see you well?"
You behold in me re grande health.
Let us now to business. 1 loaf your
daughter
Yes; you love by Kathalene.'
'And | would marry her.
II expected you would. How much rhi-
no have you got, cunt"
"Rhino. lie rhino?"
Money, g~reenbacks, cash. How much
can you settle on my ~daughter?'
But THAT is ~mercenarie. l do not speak
of money wiz my loaf. 1 loaf her all my
life, but 1 settle no money"
Then We may consider you out of II
and my coachman In. He can settle 1000
on the girl and will continue to drive for
me at half wages. 'Scuse me. count, but
this is my busy day"
Then my title and my loaf was scorn-
ed?o
You've hit it,
And a coachman-"
knocks down the persimmon and gets
the prize. Ia, ia. Boy will show you out
and the cable car in the next street will
do for you with neatness and despatch
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-10-07
IT spoils the Mouth.

If girls knew how they disigure
themselves by continually biting their
lips they would make an effort to break
themselves of the habit.
An ugly mouth is often the result OF
q habit which has its rise in the pos
session of q dimple.