The daily morning Alaskan., 1900-03-23
ONE MILITARY EVIL.
PRIVATE BARRY oIscoURsss ON rHE
 ARMY MULE.

Say. ths Gentle Animal H.. Wage That Are v~xAtioa. and Tricks Thai Are os-
 aoxIou.. Provoking the Mild Hammered
 soldier Who Hs. Him In charre.
 CANT THONAs-What a contrary burrud an arrumy mule isl Oi taut ut wuz just stories about thim till Oi kim intil the arrumy. but be jabers ut's the truth. There wuz yistherisy, whin our battalion wuz at the range an rife prao- tice. an me shuttin near hfty-foive per cint-but lave thot go. We wuz at the range. an wan mornin comes an ordher- ly from the colonel av the rigiment say in he sint his complimints til Major Stark. an he would be over that day ,o musther us m.
 We get musthcred by the commander av the rigimint every month fur the paymaSther to swear by. Ut's bad luck for a mon to miss thot musther, an be- fore he can git musthered he must sign the pay roll In the arrumy he signs . receipt :or his pay week before he gits ut-but Fave thot go
 We had not more than finished sign. in the pay rolls an the furrust sargints wuz still swearin as they always have Co do under the articles av war whin they have that wurruk an han. when from the Quarthermasther's departmint comes the wurrust noise iver the airs Av min heared. 'Twuz an arrumy mule kickin. He raired au backed an backed ag'in. him pullin his hid af in his desprit efforts Co git loose.
 "Corpril av the Gyard No. Noine. mule en throuble" shouts out the sin try in the vicinity. an wid that the alArum goes round Go the gyard tint. an away goes the corpril av the gyard.
 "Corpril. darlint an how can Oi sleep an thot divil av a mule makin such row." says the poor sintry
 "SlaPe as you always do, bad scran til you. retoorts the corpril. 'av it wuzn't dayloight an you ixpectin the mess call livery mint wid the relief to lave you go ate But uts wastin toime Oi am an the wrong wan Lave us let him loose.
 Be thot toime there wuz a full platoon an the groun. all av thim givin advice.
 Poor cratur!" says Lynch. a privit in A. who Is the divil's own av iver there wuz wan Poor craturH says be. "an ut's mad he is because the Fur rust Sargint would not let him sign the pay rools "
 Maybe be has jus remimbered he lift somethin in his kit back in the rigi mint an wants Co hurry back for Ut. " - sf-s---s-ss.s. sa~ sssruuPfrcr.
 An little you know about ut, pipes in Private Jones av B. He had jus made 100 per eint at the targets "Ut is bis turrun 10 shoot, an we'll he knows ut"
 He knows Liftinint Guniack is absint an be wants to answther the 'adjutant's call hissif. put in Private Overstreet "Ct's wondher he wuz not coort mar tialed for Ut. |"
 Lave him be. You talk like Wexford min. the whole lot av you. " shouted the wagoner. him tarin mad bechuxt the mule an the min.
 Be this toime the actin quarthermas. ther kim up, Liftinint sutton. wid reef in his throusers an bis campaign l hat What is the motther?' he aSed. l
 He mistuk the adjutant's call for l the mess call. liftinint. says Lynch, on he near fell dead win the X. c. M l burst out laffin.
 Allow mo Co handle him. suggist cd a wee bit av thing from D.. his name Oi haven't about me for the gyard report is seldom trusted to pri. wits. although ut Is we'll known we arc The flower ay the arrumy.
 Allow me Co handle you mesih. says the wagoner wid his timper stickin ! out av him like poor gossoon's shirt, an wid thot be made pass for the in terloper. li,tin the mule be mistake wid his fisht an near felliu him.
 Steady. commands Liftfnfnt Sut- ton. an then be ordered the thrumpiter l Co sound the water" call
 As Secretary Olney used to say, &C., eordin to the major thot closed the in. cidint. for the mule Quet an tux Co his l driver like a Scotchman till his toddy.
 Oi moind the toime whin Captain ! may the divil fiy away wid me if thot l thrumpiter isn't soundin qusrthers an | hour ahid ay toime Och. but the an- noyAneies in the arrumy is obnoxious'
 PRIVATE BARRY