The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1900-03-28
CHATS AND SKETCH Els
About Town and Elsewhere.


Before opening our budget, we wish
to record the disastrous effects OF news
paper borrowing.
A man who was too economical TO
take his local paper sent his little BOY
to borrow his neighbours copy. 10 MS
haste the boy ran over a four dollar
hive of bees, and in five minutes looked
like q warty summer squash. His cries
attracted his father to the boys assist
ance. who ran into barbed wire fence,
breaking it down, cutting handful OF
flesh out of his anatomy, and running
five dollar pair of pants. The old COW
took advantage of the gap in the fence,
got into the cornfield, and killed her.
self eating green corn. Heariug the
racket, the wife ran, upset four-gallon
churn full of rich cream into a basket
of kittens, drowning the whole litter.
In her hurry she dropped and lost a
seven dollar set of false teeth. Inc
baby, left to its own devices, crawled
through the split cream into the parlor,
running brand new fifty dollar carpet.
During the excitement, the Oldest
daughter ran away with the hired man;
the dog, getting loose, broke up eleven
setting-hens, and the calves got out to
the clothes line, and chewed the tails
off four fine linen shirts.
MORAL: Subscribe for the JOURNAL.
1t is said that none enjoy clerical
anecdotes better than clergymen. So
we venture to begin where we left off
last Saturday.
The Rev. Sydney Smith, speaking of
the prosy nature of some sermons said,
"Thev are written as if sin were to be
taken out of man, like Eve out of
Adam-by putting him to sleep.
A clergyman noticing some OF his
hearers asleep, paused awhile, and
said: "Bret1rtn, 1 have preached
about half of my sermon, and l per-
ceive that twenty or thirty of my con-
gregation are fast asleep. shall there
fore postpone the delivery of the bal
ance uutil they wake up" There was
dead silence for about five minutes,
during which the sleepers awoke, when
the preacher resumed his discourse.
~.
The writer once heard a preacher
say, during sermon upon the infu-
ence of the Holy Spirit, ~ have no
doubt that the spirit often influences
our hearts when we are not aware of
it. He may be moving at this very mo-
inert upon the hearts of ell who are
present-aU ofyou eoho are a,cake y
-.
A court preacher in England noticed
that Lord - and the King were
both asleep. Pausing moment, he
called out in loud tone, "My lord,
Pm sorry to interrupt your slumbers,
but you snore go hard, you'll waken the
King"
W.
Some fifty years ago, an itnerant
preacher was holding forth in one OF
the back towns of Virginia. He took
for his text the words, "Tho' after my
skin worms destroy this body, ETC."
He divided his sermon into three
heads, thus: "First, The skin-worms
secondly, What they done; and thirdly,
What the man seen after he was eaten
up"
The clerk of a rural parish in Eng.
land, who used to read the blossoms,
always bungled over the names Shad
rach, Meshach and Abednego, which
are twelve times repeated in the thirc
chapter of Daniel. After stumbling
through them the first time, he after
wards styled them "the aforesaid gen
tlemen."
1t was once said of clergyman who
seemed afraid to preach the truth in its
fulness, "He breaches the gospel as 8
donkey mumbles thistle, very eau
tiously."
A Scotch clergyman performing pub
lie worship in Edinburgh one Sunday
put up this remarkable petition in his
prayer: Lord, have mercy upon al
fools and idiots, and especially upor
the mayor and common council o.
Edinburgh"
Dean Swift being asked by lawyer
"Supposing, Doctor, that the parsoni