Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-02-10

lures thereon. because, as a general rule,
they were not able to write. Then, when
You met a knight out in London. all you
had TO do was to consult your illustrated
catalogue Of the titled families, for the year
1892, for instance. and you spotted your
man at once, and knew whether it was
better to take to side street or not As
rule. if you had any valuables about you,
it was safer TO make a haSty move else
where. He suggested that if the house of
lords would consent to wear large numerals
on their manly bosoms. and II some pub
Usher would issue a numbered catalogue for
sixpence, 10 be sold at all respectable book
stalls the arrangement would be a great
convenience to the tourist. l said that if
the tourist would merely take the trouble
to study trigOnometry a little he would
have trouble.
y plain knight wears his chin at a Ger
tain angle easily ascertainable BY a man
who mixes in good society: baronet
holds his three degrees higher; an earl five
degrees higher than the baronet; duke is
again ever so much more elevated than an
earl. and thus comes our phrase, AS
drunk q. e., as elevated) as a lord" My
American friend thanked me cordially for
my information, and getting some further
instructions on angles, acute and obtuse.
he went forth on the streets to test his
newly acquired knowledge, all of which
brings me back to where started, that the
Earl of Stobcross held his chin so high in
the air that his nose pointed straight up
to the zenith. Captious readers may say.
How, then, could a duke hold his head
higher? To explain the matter ] must refer
to the history of the earl. While most of
our dukes ancestors came over with Will
lam the Conqueror. the first Earl of Stob-
cross was dropped off on these islands by
Noah as the ark was passing the peak of
Skiddaw. The archives in Stobcross castle
inform US that, although Noah booked the
first earl for the entire voyage, the ancient
mariner could not put up with the earrs
pretensions. who insisted on sitting at the
head of the table, while Noah held that
q Marc
lordship grumbled SO much about the food,
and complained so bitterly that there was
no smoking room on the boat, that Noah
was glad to get rid Of him, and when the
marooned earl threatened him for breach
of contract Noah replied that he had his
remedy at the law courts. When the wa
tiers subsidized the earl went down the hill
and seized all the land he could get his
hands Cor feet on and so founded Stob-
cross manor. He brought suit against
Noah. but the latter had sailed out of the
jurisdiction of the courts. The monk who
wrote the Stobcross chronicles ventures a
small pun at this point, spelling the word
"Jew-risdiction.' and explaining thus the
anti-Semitic attitude Of the Stobcross fam
ily Whether the first earl hated the Jews
or not. the seventeenth earl had a great
liking for them, mOrtgaged the manor to
them and blew in the money resulting
therefrCm with neatness and dispatch.
Having nothing else TO blow in, he blew
out his-well, the cOrOners jury said it was
his brains. but those who knew the seven
teenth earl maintained that he had none.
SO there is an historical discrepancy some
where-probably in the earls head.
Be that as it may. the Stobcross family
has been poor and mortgaged up TO the
bilt ever since, but their pride never les
sened in the slightest degree, which brings
this biographical resume to the middle of
the week before last and TO Archibald for
ty-third Earl of Stobcross and his only
daughter. the Lady Gwendolen.
Difficult as it would be for us to learn
to love the forty-third Earl of Stobcross
even il / were content TO veil the truth
and say he amiable man. which
steadfastly refuse to do. the case of the
Lady Gwendolen calls forth our deepest
sympathy. The earl being poor, the neigh
boring mobiles would not look at her, but
were all over in the United States with
lists of railway owners and pork million.
aires in their pockets. seeking the eligible
daughters thereof. The earl being proud
Lady Gwendolen was not allowed TO re-
ceive the addresses OF any +of thee rich
tradesmen's sons in the neighborhood ever
though the eaTrs grocery bills had not
been paid for years and years Now Il
this were a play, instead of q plain state.
ment OF actual facts, / would have rho
truculent butcher of the neighborhood de
rnand the hand of Gwendolen for his sor
or the instant liquidation of the meat bill
This would go well on the stage and
car hear the deep beefy tones of The
butcher threatening to put the cringing no
bleman into the county court and the bal.
lifts into StObcross castle. finishing up witt
a peroration which would capture the gal
lery to the effect that:
A hundred unpaid mutton legs
Are worth thousand coats Of arms
However, none of these things wer,
thought Of. and never are, except on TN,
boards The relghboring tradesnien did no
bother about unpaid bills. but pointed witt