The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-08-19
SMART SHORT STORIES.

Down in Southern Georgia two widows
were condoling with each other over their
troubles. In telling of the last sickness
and death OF their husbands one Of them
said: my man, poor Teller, jes' suffered
and suffered and suffered, and then les
died for the want of BREATH" The other
replied: Wall, mine didn't; he drawed
his breath to the very last"
After a rehearsal of Tristan uud
Isolde" at Bayreuth once. Hans Richter
was asked If he had been satisfied. to
which he replied: 1.-THE love motif, which
the 'cellos have to give out. was played
with too little fire. Evidently they must
all be married men who executed Il q,
phlegmatically.'' And Richter was rIgbf
for there was not a single bachelor amo.a
them
The Rev. Mr.. Alcott. OF Elgin. III, on,
of Abraham LincoIn'S Springfield acquair-
tances, tells of seeing him coming away
from church unusually early one Sunday
morning. THE sermon could not have
been more than half way through" saws
Mr.. Alcott. His son Tad was sIur,
across his left arm like pair of saddle
bags, and Lincoln was striding a.5ag
with long and deliberate steps toward his
home. On one of the street corners he
men. Lincoln anticipated the question
which was about to be put by the groua
and, taking his figure of Speech from,
practices with which they were only t,s
familiar, said: Gentlemen. entered thf,
colt, but he kicked around so I had IN
withdraw him"
The only person given to extravagar.s
at the present Italian court Is Queen Mar
gherita, who shares the feeling OF her
country women in having an inordiuats
love for dress 1t Is said that Humber
once asked one of the queens secretarlas
what would be an acceptable Christina
present for her majesty. This gentieman.
a truer friend than a courtier. had The
courage to suggest to the king that the
queen had a large number OF unpaid mill
| liners and dressmakers' bills. The king
| took the hint and begged that thew
| should all be given to him On Christina
! morning Humbert placed all these bills
| receipted. under the queens napkin
| There was no other present besides. 1t ia
| said that she took the hint. and has since
been less extravaganza.
James Russell Lowell was dreamllv
| strolling along toward his home I'm Cam
| bridge one unusually beautiful night
Slowly. with serene. queenly majesty.
! full moon was ascending her "azura
throne" pouring her lavish light over
| all things and softening into semblanc.s
Of beauty even the ugly outlines of the
conventional domestic architecture round
about. Duly Illuminated by the lveI!nes.
Of the spectacle. the poet. as he passed.
by the house of the estimable brother
man who supplied meat to him regularly
for a slight consideration Of profit mo-
ticed that valuable citizen leaning on his
fence, and gazing up in a kind OF rapt
way. It pleased Lowell to think that tho
| butchers immortal soul was bathing g.
self in the flood of semi-spiritual moon
light, and pauslng, he remarked: "Whlt
a beautiful night 1t is, neighbori" eyes
Mr.. Lowell. / was just a-thinkln' what
bully night for a slaughterin' this would
be-" "Of course. Of course" gasped the
poet, beating a hasty retreat.
| One of the favorite stories OF Father
Dennis Tighe, of Holy Angles church
who died recently. was about a certain
Bridget O'Sullivau. who only came t1
confession occasionally, and when she
did she couldn't for the life Of her re-
member any, bad things that she had been
| doing. when were you at confession
| last Bridget" queried the father. "Sur-
faether, an II moight ave been last
wake!'' Wasn't 1t a year ago?" "Sure
faether. an, it's loike to ave been a year
ago. But pwhat do yez care. faether to
! scOwld an old craytur loike me- It's
! Moike, me husband, that's the bad one
| It's three weeks that Moike nIver cOufes-
! SEES his sins an hiven- knows his sins is
| scarlet. He drinks lOike a baste shmokes
! loike fue, He sYears that bad ST.
! Patrick wad trimble. An sure. We should
| see Moike smash the dishes an break the
! furniture an 1ng the stove lids an -'
Six Hall Marys' every day for a week
and fhrpa "a CT
| father. och. an phwat do you name.
| faether? Sure, OF never confessed a sin "
! Yes, but you confessed Mik's." said the
| father. quietly, land as long as you make
! his confessions for him I think you ought
to do the penance. Bridget"
! few days before Rusl1in's death
| New York editor disTatched his Lon
! don representative to interview the sage
! Of Brentwood on the beauties and benefits
! of bicycling. Rusk1n. following his usual
| custom. gave the newspaper man so cold
| a reception that the latter lost no time
IN making his return trip to London. A
! few days later the correspondent received
a letter from Ruskin. In which he said.
Some time since I put myself on record
as an antagonist Of the devils own toy
| the bicycle. want to Feiterate. with all
! the emphasis of strong language that
condemn all manner OF BIZ, trl- and &.
! D, s. or 7 cycles. Any continuance OF IN
| Vention Intended to supersede the use or
human feet on Gods own ground s
damnable Walking, running. leapinE and
| dancing are the legitimate and natural
! joys Of the body, and every attempt 20
stride on stills, dangle on ropes OF wrig-
gle on wheels is an affront to the AL
mighty. You can't improve on Gods APP
| pointed way of walking by substituting
! an improved cart-wheel." It is hardly
! necessary to add that the letter was not
| used in the symposium on the beauties
and benefits of bicycling