The Dickinson press., 1900-08-11
"s1MPLY TO REST EASY"

- ~
SIMPLY TO RES EASY"
hadn't called today 1 should have sent
q messenger to hunt you up. Did you
remember to bring the billy"
Eyes, sir" replied the printer as he
handed it over.
"Good! Let's see. It's for $3.50,
and I pronounce it correct-absolutely
correct. There never was q more cor
rect account rendcred-never in this
commercial world. And nov you want
q check for it, Of course? 1 must ask
run sc long, but when a man is dealing
in millions he is apt to forget dollars"
"That is all right, major" replied the
printer rs q soft smile stole over his
face, and he began wondering why he
had eve called the promoter q dead
beat.
"Thanks for your confdence-your
financial confidence. I like men to
have confidence in me. Let me tell
you, sir, that the man who puts his
trust in Major Crofoot, grand promo
ter, gigantic originator and tremendous
c~ensolidator, loses nothing by it. Here
is a bill for $3.50. 1t has run for weeks
and months. Instead of wearing out
the stairs and pounding on my door,
you have been content to let time slip
along. You felt that your money was
safe. You believed that I would pay
on presentation. All, sir, but I love to
witness sMh exhibitions Of confidence
4 love to do it! Let us shake hands
again."
"I'm in q bit Of q hurry this morn
ing" remarked the printer as o doubt
suddenly entered his mind and sent a
chill up his back.
"Ah, yes, Of course you are-of
~course-and my time is also limited,
but do you know what I I'm going to
do? Instead Of debating about a bill
for $3.50, I am going to talk to you Of
thousands and hundreds Of thousands
and millions. My dear man, you have
arrived at an opportune moment. 1t
almost seems as if the hand Of Provi-
dence was in it. Having displayed
your confidence in the financial in
tegrity Of Major Crofoot and arrived
at an opportune moment, what fol
lows?"
you pay the bill for $780," replied
the printer.
ut follows, sir-it follows as natu-
rally as night follows day, but with a
heap more cash in it-that I take you
in on the ground floor. Behold those
papers on my desk. I had just ceased
to figure when you came in. I had
finished the last line of my prospectus.
Behold, sir-behold the organization Of
the Wide World Chicken and Infant
Raising company with O capital of
$20,OOO.OOOw
'Major, I Called
"You called, sir-you called at an op-
perfume moment. By calling you put
1T in my power to prove my gratitude
in something besides words. What is
the Wide World Chicken and Infant
Raising company? AS its name i'm
plies, the object is to raise chickens
and infants. How, sir, how? All, that
is Major Crofoot's great discovery,
which has enabled him to organize q
company on q basis Of 100000 900.
The discovery is not original, but we
apply it as it has never been applied
before. We incubate chickens, but by
the million instead Of the score. Take
your pencil and figure q little"
'"But I came up for my $780," said
Rhe printer in ugly tones.
%Tlke your pencil and figure. Eggs
can be bought for 20 cents q dozen.
For 2 cents additional one dozen chick
ems can be produced. Four cents more
and you have a dozen spring chickens
worth so cents apiece ut the incubator;
total for eggs, incubating and feeding,
80 cents; total for chickens, SO; clear
profit to divide up on every dozen,
$3.50. Can Cripple Greek or the dia.
mond mines beat it? We produce co..
100000 dozen chickens per year. Fig.
ure it out, man, figure it out. Do you
want greater dividends than 70 per
cent on your capital? If you do"-
"What about this bill?" demanded
the printer as he lifted it off the desk
and laid it back again.
IF you do" continued the major as
he walked about the o with hands
crossed under his coattails, "then you
shall have it. We incubate infants in
the same machines, with only a thin
partition between. We take infants
after they are "a hours old-white,
black or. any other color and without
reference to sex-and we bring them
up until they are a year old at so much
per week. Terms are strictly cash In
advance every Monday morning, and
every kid is marked on the right heel
with our stamp and can't get lost or
mixed up in the shuttle. While we are
Matching 100000 dozen eggs we are
bringing up 100000 infants. 1 put
the number at that, but it may be q
Few dozen more or less. Two dollars q
week for 100000 infants is over $10,'
100000 per year. Call the expense fol
milk, paregorie and toast 100000
and what profit do you have left?'
"But I have come here to collect q
bill"
1.-THE 100000 900 profit On the infants
added to the profits on the chickens
| gives us a dividend of $1.2O on the dol
lar, and can you ask for more, sir-can
you do it? Why, man, the wealth OF
Golconda is not in: It! The De Beers
diamond bonds are waste paper in com
parison! And you are to share in it
You are no longer a struggling printer
| on the seventh floor back, but a mil