The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1900-09-15


Thomas jefferson knew about the
TROUBLES is ye an me? Divvle wur-
rid have ] to say again Thomas. He
was a good man in his day. though I
don't know that his battin' av'rag d be
high again tn pitchin iv these times.
I have a gr-reat rayspict f'r tn sages
an believe in namin' sthreets an pub
Tic schools afther thin. But suppose
Thomas jefferson was TO come back
here now an say To himself: 'They'se
good Dimmycrat up in Ar-rchy road
an I think I'll drop in on him an talk
over tn ISSUES ~ IN day. Well. may
be- he cud r-ride his Of gray mare up
an not BE- kilt be tn throlley cars. an
maybe tn ia-ads q think he was crazy
an not murdher him fr his clothes.
An maybe they wudden't. But amy
how. suppose he got here. an afther
he'd fumbled ar-round at tn latch-f'r
they had STRINGS on the dure in thin
days-I let him in. Well. afther I've
inJOoced him 10 take a bowl iv red IL
quOr-fr i'm his time tn dhrink was
white-an' explained how tn settler
comes out an IN cash raygisther wur-
ruks an wather is dhrawn firm IN.
fassit. an gas is lighted firm tn burn
or. an got him so he wud not bump his
head again tn ceilin' ivry time tn
beer pump threw a ft-afther that
/ we'd talk iv tn pollytical situation.
How does IL go? says Thomas.
/ We'll says /. IL looks as though Ioway
was sure Republican says l. Ioway?'
says he. What's that says he. 'Ioway.'
says I. is a State says l. niver
heerd iv f.. says he. Faith, ye did not,
says T. 'But it's a State just the same.
an fun Nv corn an people l says.
An why Is II Republican says he.
because says I. tn people out there
g. rr holdin' tn Phlippeens.' says I.
What tn diVvle ar-re tn Ph'Hppeens,'
says he. Is IL a game says he, or a
food?' he says. Faith. tbs small Won
der ye don't know says I. 'fr tbs me-
slf was weak on IL a year ago. l was.
Tn Philippians is an issue. says l.
an islands, says /. an a public NUS
ance.' ! says. But I says. 'befure we
40 amy further on this subject I says,
dye know where MinnysOta is, or
WISCONSIN. or Utah. or California;, or
Texas. or Nebraska % says 1. I do not.
says he. Dye know that since ye'er
death there has growed UP on tn
shore iv Lake Michigan a city that
vud make Rome look hike a whistlin'
. station--a city that has a population iy
eight million people till tn cinsus ray
port comes out?' I says. I niver heerd
iv IT,. he says. Dye know that l can
cross tn ocean in six days, an won't;
T that II anything doesn't happen in
b Chiny can larn about IL in twinty-fOuT
b hours II / care TO know: that II ye was
In wash'nton cud call ye up be lilly
phone an yer wire d be busy. I says
q 4 do not says Thomas jefferson
] Thin. says I. don't presume to advise
J me- I says. that knows these things
p an nanny more says. An whin "
= 40 back where ye come firm an SCI
{ down with tn r-rest iv tn sages e
r wondher whether a man cud possibly
d 90 firm Richmond 20 Boston in a weel
! tell Thin ! says. that in their dal
j they r-run a corner grocery an to-day,
2 says l. were op'ratin' a sixteen-stor,
= department store an putin in ivry
2 thing FIRM an electhric Hghtin' plan
2 to a set Nv false teeth / says. An
/ hist him on his horse an ask a polish
. man 10 show him tn way home.
!. BE hivins. Hinnissy, i want me ad
e vice up-to-date. an whin Mack ant
~ ltuu stilii4i-S ttitS AlS WHAT bNoA ?
p Washington an Thomas jefferson said
= says 10 thin: 'Gintlemen. they larne
l. their thrade befure tn days ~ cpel
J. plumbin'.' I says. Tell US what i
= wanted ye'ersilf or call in a journey
n man who's wurrukin' card is dated thi
4 cinchry.' I says. An I'm right, too
4 Hnnissy."
J. Well" said Mr.. Hennessy. slowly
l. those OF la-ads was level-headed.
Ie "Thrue fr ye," said Mr.. Dooley. Blu
r undher tn new Fiction laws We can
:. vote tn cimitries."