The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-01-17

And say, with bow, after yuene.'
The Dowager Duke of Buccleugh
Was famous for Irish steugh:
When asked, ''Do you use
Any onions in stuse?'
He cautiously answered, "A feugh.
A groom of the royal demesne
was the hneSt old man ever SeSne;
But he kept out OF sight
In q ditch day and night,
For fear of annoying the quesne.
The amiable Commodore Haigh
Set sail down the channel one daigh;
" Aen asked, do you know
Which direction to gO?"
RenansWered, I'm feeling my waigh.'
One autumn the Marquis of Steynes
Shot partridge with infinite peynes;
Their he cried, I'm afraid
OF the havoc I've maid!
Seem only one feather remeyneS.
80 Westminster Gazette.
~ - .i Jtt-A:o:- $50
1t is commonly understood that one of
the newspapers of New York city has Il
rule to employ none but college graduates
on its staff, says the Fourth Estate. 1t
may or it may not be true: Nevertheless.
a young man of good address, bringing
with him excellent recommendations and
equipped for Journalistic work by several
years experience, called one day at the
editorial Office of, that paper.
He made so good an impression that
the managing editor was about to assign
him place on his staff, when, as ii re-
Numbering something he had overlooked
in examining the applicant, he suddenly
asked:
by the way, of what college or uni
yersity are you q graduateT
Il am not graduate of any replied
fho VOlDU man .'bnf T know bptfer than
to write pants for trousers plead for
pleaded and he was given Il chance for
Il chance was given him. | never use the
phrase in our midst / understand the
correct use of who and whom and of
shall and will Iprefer officer to official
dwelling to residence l avoid as TO
whether. abhor 'repOrtoriai,' never split
an lntinitiye, and never write sentence
long enough to tie in double bowknot'
He got the position.
a friend of mine has a new cook.
brand new young woman, with the green
ess of Ireland still thick upon her The
mistress of the house went into the kitch-
en- the other day and found Nora strain
ing the soup through a stocking belong
ing TO the small daughter of the house
What on earth are you using, Nora?"
cried the Mortified mistress. Nora looked
up pleasantly
sure, ma am she said, 1T S not
clane one. "-Washington Star
A party of friends of the late Vice
President Hobart were visiting Wash
lngtOn, and of course spent an hour III
the Senate chamber. Among them was
a little girl of 10 who paid close atten-
ton to the proceedings. Two days after
ward he met the child, who presently
asked: 80
DO you sit there every day: listening
to those cid men talk?''
Yes, dear"
do you have top
Yes
I'm real sorry. It's an awful thing
to be vice-president, isn't it."-Philadel-
pha Saturday Evening Post.
When Otis Skinner, the actor. played
an engagement in this city recently, says
the Nashville Banner, his matinee per-
-fcrmance Of THE Liars was graeed by
the patronage of bevy of the season s
most attractive debutantes, who en-
joyed the stage business immensely, and
pronounced Mr.. Skinner too lovely for
anything. After the curtain went down
the manager escorted the debutantes
back on the stage, where they met and
conversed with the actor.
We enjoyed everything very much,'
M. Skinner, we could scarcely hear
word you said?'
Nov, that's certainly strange" re-
sponded the actor. II could hear every
thing you ladies said.'
First Explorer-''We are in terrible
straits. The supply Of champagne is re-
duced to thirteen cases. the cigars are
nearly gone and the m.neralogist is half
dead with govt"
Cheer up, old man. the third relief
party is due this month. Life.
The late Prof Marsh of Yale college,
the eminent paleontologist had a quiet
wit, says the Philadelphia Saturday
Evening Post. Once a facetious student
brought him bone scraped and cut in
a fantastic fashion. The class knew of
the plan to deceive the scientist.
Il think, professor, that this is very
rare FOSSIL"
The doctor looked at the bone. then at
the student, finally centering his gaze
upon the latter's knee:
1T is not rare. 1t is painfully famil-
lar to me. 1t is piece of the leg-bone
Of q calf"
A burglar who had entered a minister's
house at midnight was disturbed by the
a
he was in. Drawing his knife, he said,
If you stir, you are dead man. I'm
hunting for money" LET me get up
and strike a light said the minister,
and I'll hunt with you" -Universalist
Leader.
The headmaster of a Leicester board
school was starting out the other morn
ing to go to his occupation when he saw
two tiny toddlers coming toward him, re-
lates Short Stories.
One of them stopped him ard said:
please, sir, Bill and Jack can't go to
school this morning, because they're
going to have tooth OUT
Failing to see why both should go to
have one tooth pulled out, the master
said:
But what's Bill going for:'
please. sir, Bills going to have his
tooth OUT
H ''Then what's Jack going for?'
"Please, sir, 'e's goin' to ear i'm 'oller,"
was the reply.
Country Doctor (catechising) 'sNow,
little boy, what must we all do in order