Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-09-15
JOBSON CLEANS HOUSE

''This house." remarked Mr.. Jobson one
evening last week, running his right index
| finger over the top OF the frame Of one Of
the parior pictures and then flicking q lot
| OF imaginary dust from the finger, looks
| like pig pen. Do you ever do any busting
! in this plant? The dust's so thick all over
the establishment that my lungs are all
! caked up. And the whole outfits got q
general rundown. untidy. neglected look.
OF course. know that your efforts to keep
| UP with current fiction makes big inroads
| upon your spare time. Nevertheless. I
should think you'd be able to snatch a
moment here and there for the purpose Of
endeavoring to make your home look less
like a soubrettes rag-time fat. How about
it?"
1.-The house was cleaned from top to bot
| tom this very morning. said Mrs. Jobson,
and If you can find speck of dust any
"speck of dust anywhere. hey? broke
| in Mr.. Jobson sarcastically. "rn wager
you the finest box of jujube paste or gum
drops that can be bought for money. Mrs.
| full Of dirt in this house inside Of twenty
| minutes. The dirts everywhere"
| Mrs. Jobson didn't vouchsafe any reply
| to this extraordinary statement.
| Its nearly time for the fall house clean
! Ing she said, however, land l intended to
| begin day after tomorrow. And that re-
minds me Of something You were SO an
| noyed over the house cleaning last fall
that you told me to give you at least two
| days notice before beginning to clean house
| this autumn. SO that you could have time
| to look over the papers, find out where the
| fish were biting the best and go away for
| a week s vacation. II YOU"
| Mr. JObson walked over to where Mrs.
Jobson sat and gazed at her curiously, as
If she were some new and unusual ornitho-
| logical specimen.
| Il said that, did I?'' he inquired skepti-
| caily Its wonder you don't go in for
| the manufacture of campaign literature"
| But you did say that" insisted Mrs. job
son, land you added that you wouldn't re-
main around the house during another fall
house cleaning for a million dollars spot
| cash. YOU"
acknowledge that I ever employed such an
idiotic phrase. But We'll let 1t go. This,
you will understand, is another year. And,
as 1t is another year. other conditions pre-
| job of house cleaning myself
| Mrs. Jobson's features contracted into an
| expression of alarm.
Surely" she began, you would not
| think of doing anything SO foolish, and get
| ting everything upside down and in a tan
gle. and overexerting yourself, and
| That's all right about my getting things
in a tangie and overexerting myself, Mrs.
Jobson." said Mr. Jobson loftily 81 don't
intend to permit you to pick quarrel with
me over this matter. AS just announced.
am going to undertake the fall house
| cleaning job myself this year. and I'm GO
ing to start in at it the first thing after
! breakfast tomorrow morning..
| This house hasn't had a thorough securing
| since we've been living In 1t. The so-called
| hcGsecleanings have been the merest bluffs.
| More over, the operation usually keeps the
| house in a miserable, uncomfortable tur-
| MOL for period ranging from week to
! ten days, during which time you rush wild
| ly about from room to room, with towel
bound around your head, looking like per-
! son suffering from a gunshot wound and
| broom in each hand and the muck and dust
| flying from one piece OF furniture to the
| other and the meals always a couple OF
| hours late, and not fit to eat when they re
| at length ready. Now, I'm going about
| this housekeeping job in systematic, bus
| iness-like manner. m going to take the
two days leave coming to me. beginning
| tomorrow morning. and If, at the end OF the
| second day, this whole outfit, from cellar to
| garnet, isn't looking like new dollar
| fresh from the mint. then I'm an anarchist,
! that's all. What's more, you won't know
| that anything unusuals going on while m
developing this transformation scene. There
| will be no wild excitement and rushing
| about and neighbors dropping In here won I
be able to see single indication that the
| fall housekeeping is under way. All you ii
have to do will be to sit down with your
hands in your lap and watch me- You IL
! Internationally derive a great deal OF ben
| eft thereby, and next year, having pronted
by a study Of my systematic methods. II
| ma, be that you'll be able to give fair
| imita ton of my manner or nousec.eahlls
| Just have an early breakfast tomorrow
morning 1 want to begin about 0 CLOCK
Mr.. Jobson was up and logged out In an
old bicycle suit before sunrise the mex.
morning. At $50 ne was CROWNS au .Ii
| tho lateness of breakfast (Which Is ordl-
narily served at S:15 in the Jooson mousse
hold and, as the colored srevant was ia ave
| Ms Jobson hastily prepared the meal ior
him. $500 than
| no went into the parlor, rolled up ms
| sleeves, and proceeded to prove INA. ns
| wasn't bound by any of the wei-estaonsnts.u
rules of housekeeping by beginnlhs t L,a
| lob there instead of first attending TO the
| upper part of the house. He piled all OF
the furniture in the room, inciuding tne
| niano and all of the pictures. from the
walls. in topping, pyramidal heap in the
| middle Of the room. This done, ne hiied
| a bucket full of boiling water, dumped a
whole can of I've into that. tore one OF nus
| good shirts into cleaning rags. and dipped
| the same into the bucket with the idea
| of cleaning the vanished window frames
He pulled his hand out very quickly
| snapped his fingers, looked at Mrs Jobson
| out of the corner of his eye to see Ii he
| could detect a smile on her placid counte-
| nance, and then held his lye-boiied hand
under cold water spigot Tor ten MN IN
utes or so. Then he chopped hunk OF Ice
| off the piece in the refrigerator, cropped
the same into the bucket. waited TOT the
| buckets contents to cool some, and started
|
| The strength of the I've solution took the
| yarnish off the frames in long streaks, and
| when Mr. Jobson noticed this he diluted
the lye water and went ahead. Then he
| noticed several spots on the wall paper.
| With a wise look in his eye, he went to the
bread box, broke fresh loaf of bread in
| two, got fistful of the crumbs in each
| hand, and rubbed the spongy crumbs over
the spots on the wall paper. This scheme
| of which he had read s0mewhere-didn
| seem TO work, for the spots didn't disap-
| pear, in spite of the exertion Mr.. Jobson
| put into the task. So he moistened the
| bread crumbs, making them into a sticky
| paste and rubbed the wall paper spots
! some more. After he had rubbed about
two square feet of the paper into a brown
sh pulp, exposing the plaster. he gave that
| end of his task up. casting a slantwise
| glance at Mrs Jobson to If she was
| smiling. But she didn't appear to notice
Then Mr.. Jobson soused water on all of
| the picture glasses and rubbed them
| squeakily with bits Of newspaper, leaving
| them all in a condition of perfectly obvious
| streakiness. Then he pounded the up
holstered seats Of all the parlor chairs with
the handle Of broom. SO that ne could
| barely be seen by Mrs. Jobson amid
| the clouds of dust that he produced These
| and a-plenty Of other weird things he did,
| and after about two hours hard work he
rehung the pictures with their smeared
| glasses DuShed the DianO ba ok into ira cor-