The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-04-08
THE CHRISTIAN ~wHoopER.' ,,
The True Tale Of a Western News
paper Experiment.
Denver Pos

Denver Post.)
THE Daily Whooper'' OF Iba Dam
Was a truly progressive paper
4 fearless exposer of every sham
And a public opinion shaper
That never economical in Ink
In telling people what to think.
And Editor Hustler used TO say,
In his Own impressive and pOmpOuS way,
II people would DO as The WhoDper'
If people would do as THE Whooper'
And keep its axles well creased with
stun"
He'd give the camp an enduring fame,
On the roster or progress wouic grave It's
name;
From a weak and hickering taper
He'd make of it an electric light
That would shine so long and would shine
so bright
That the world would pause in its wild
amaze
And fix its eyes on the western blaze.
There van a scheme or a startling fad
He wouldn't tackle and work, by CAD,
To make it the proper caperi
He said day that the time was ripe
For a Christian daily. and twa'n't the
That had put the dream in his brainy
But he'd formed the ODiniOn-On the
dead
In his sober moments; and calling in
IL pdLSOu WHO D1LLiGQ IlG nOSlS OF SIN
With the Gospel weapon, he laid the plan
Before the astonished holy man,
Who had never dreamed that the Lord
would send
a weapon like that to his shifting hand!
A daily paper which he could WELD
In driving the devil from the field,
And he grabbed the agent OF true reform
As the hungry bird grabs he's early worm.
The preaeher-editor sat in his chair,
His pale lips moving as If in prayer;
And in his eyes an unusual light
That in worldly optics presages fight!
He couldn't rise 10 his piOus feet
Blu returning he'd find a tack in his seat.
And the look on the DEVILS face so grim
Seemed saying: We won't do a thing to
There wasn't a lamb in his bloomin'
flock
But had happened in just OF have a talk
And TO tell him how the religious press
Should be handled to make it a grand
success.
A score Of poets. both hes n shes,
Had hoped around him ike pesky fieas,
and had read productions Of every kind
That could spring as weeds from uncul-
tured mind.
Communications Of monster size,
Enough to paper the arching skies.
Were piled before MIN, and Sister Grub
Had waltzed around with a lack-oak club
Because the printer had said that she
Had feet ike a mammoth CT Old when
TIC
Had written it plain and in letters bold
Thai her faith was like a mountain Of
gold"
The printers were swearing and chewing
plug,
And the foreman oft to a hidden jug
Retired TO brace himself for the change
In handling copy TO him 50 strange.
Yet all moved on in q tangled way
Till the hour of noon on the second day,
When a tough from Bitter Creek hit the
floor
And proceeded to make an un-Christian
roar:
"Is you de sanctifed editor? Hey?
Is you de guy OATS a-makin' de play
To run dis shop like q meetin' house?
Is you de prayin, pSaIm-Singin' louise
Dat dareS to squeak o morality
To a gang o gentlemen such as me2
Git ready to die, fur I'm var to help
You over de river, you piOUs whelpi''
Then the preacher rose and peeled his
coat,
And shook his beard like a William goat,
! And grabbed a chair in his righteous
hand
And sent that tough to the sulphur land.
And kicked the devil bout ten feet high,
And licked the printers and smashed the
And pied the forms in an awful mess.
Then few home in excited mood
And sought for his closets solitude,
Where his soul in prayer he upward
poured
And squared himself, we hope, with the
Lord
And Editor Hustler lit his pipe
And resumed his chair with a troubled
phiz.
And sadly mumured: 'The time is ripe.
But the man for the 'casiOn hasn't rizi''