, 1900-05-01

AT that time my business was kill
in Yankee pickets. During three years
in Virginia l was credited with the
the death of $50, though many Of these
did not die by my hand. One night
| stole out toward the Federal line in
tent upon my task, and did not notice
Until l had accomplished my purpose
that Bill was behind me. Together we
looked at the PROSTATE soldier and then
returned to camp. Next night l was
surprised when fifty yards from the
Federal outpost by seein' Bill dart sud
denly in front of me. Before | had
crept forward ten PAGES | heard an I'M
earthly yell, and, goin' more rapidly
met Bill halfway, comm back with ev-
cry mark of satisfaction upon his eX-
pressive features. There was a dead
Yankee ahead of us. The fellow had
been s.ttin' down half asleep, instead
of patrollin' his beat, and was bitten
in the neck. The p~oisons of rattle
snakes differ greatly in rapidly of eff
feet. Some of them require half a day
in which to kill a human being, but the
virus which came from Bits jaws was
like the stroke of lightnIn'. He was
with me for a year, and in that time
slew more than 200 of the foemen. In
fact, while he was in good health and
willin' l did not do any KILN at all.
| simply left camp with him in the
dark, sat down, and smoked a half
mile from the Federals and waited for
him to come back to report. If | ever
cared to investigate | always found a
corpse at the other end of the route.
THE death of Bill was peculiarly sad.
and l shall never, l think, cease bein'
remorseful about it. | got the idea
that if one RATHER could train himself
to kill Yankee pickets, other rattlers
could be trained to do the same thing.
figured that, with a hundred of them
at work every night we would soon
have dead Yanks piled up like cord
"ooh, 81 L othl W lht uAOO III Ilt'l q
big box of them forwarded. They were
hungry and as lively as crickets when
they got to camp. | fed them and went
to bed. Next mornin' they were all
Istin in death. Crazed by jealousy, Bill
had crawled into the box and quietly
murdered them one by one. 1t was
his only fault, and even that fault was
rooted in his overmasterin' love for
me. l spoke to him harshly. He fixed
me with one fieetin' reproachful glance,
turned and buried his fangs in his own
to him and he never witnessed a mo-
ment of my anguished self-reproach.
/ ought to have a major generalship
for Bills work, but when | mentioned
the matter to old Stonewall he simply
took another suck at his eternal lemon
and told me to report to the staff sur
igeon. That donkey said | was sufferin'
from 'megalomania' and too little to
do. 1t is true that l loafed a good deal
while Bill was workin' and l was guilty
on that charge, but as for megaloma-
MIA, l didn't know what it was, and
didn't care; didn't have it, sure.
II see that the papers are castin' as,
PENSIONS on my discovery of a prehis-
toric city in the Mississippi woods, a
city forty miles across which must have
contained 5000, 900 of human beings,
Well, let 'em asperse. The city is there
and l am ready to show it to any one
who will take the ride. l have twenty
pieces OF pottery in my house, and the
most curious fact about it issthat it is
EXACTLY like the Chinese pottery of the
present. This is nearly conclusive
proof that the prehistoric inhabitants
of this country were of the Chinese
race. 1t is easy enough to sit in an
editorial office and declare that Lamar
Fontaine doesn't exist or that he has
been hittin' the pipe again, but the
city is there, forty miles Of it, and that
lis worth all the editorials in the
world"