The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1900-06-02

the United States.
statement that women can't throw
straight.
She-That is noble of you, my dear.
He-Yes; I have to remember with
what accurate and effective aim you
threw yourself at me.-Chicago Record.
Expert Opinion.-"Im so glad that
the poor fellows at Mafeking have been
relieved" Yes. Why so?" Because
now We'll find out what they think of
the starvation cure. ''-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Sunday School Teacher-Robert, tell
me why it was the children of Israel
built a golden calf.
Robert don't know. unless twas
that they didn't have gold enough to
make cow.-Life.
"Ha! All you young fellers think
about is yer appearance; now, when I
was a boy I was satisfied with the looks
that nature gave mel"
Yes, father. but you were always
easily pleased. Boston Traveller.
smith-say, Brown, how is it that
your wife always dresses in the latest
style, while your clothes are generally
seedy?
Brown-Oh, that's easily explained
My wife dresses according to the
fashion books, and dress according to
my bank book.-Chicago News.
The Bachelor don't suppose a
mans name changes when he gets mar
ried.
The Benedict-Oh, yes it does. Before
we were married my wife called me
Dearest and now she says, Here,
you!"-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Neither Gets Them.-'You seem to
have a great taste for poetry" re-
marked the copy hook, observing the
office goat shifting around the editors
waste basket. Yes" replied the goat,
but 1 like my poems well done, and
I seldom find that sort here" HUH"
| exclaimed the COPY hook, the we'll
| done poem that comes to me is very
rare. '-Philadelphia Press.
| Poverty.-Here a frail woman in a
tattered shawl entered and laid a penny
on the counter Give me two and one
| half pounds of Sunday newspaper" she
said, in hollow voice. After she had
! gone out the proprietor of the place
! told US that she would make such q
| meagre supply of this staple necessity
suffice for a family of fourteen persons.
Detroit Journal.
Quashing an Alibi.-Defence advocate
Sir, the officer charged with being
/ intoxicated while on duty is above the
/ breath of suspicion" Police Commits
! sioner-tSir your statement is ill
timed: the accused is even at this mo-
ment munching es."-Judge.
Curios-"These are genuine Havana
| cigars" said the connoisSeur. "Oh, -
said the man who always likes to be of
| Importance and here are some genuine
| Havana postage stamps" WHATS IN
teresting about them?' Nothing, ex-
cept the fact that they are genuine."-
/ Washington Star.
Brown-"That is a beautiful medal
Smith has" Jones-''Yes; that's for
beating the bicycle record" Brown
What is his record?" Jones-"Ran
over II men in a week. '-Harlem Life.
Her preference O'Brien-"So Casey
and Costigan fought for Miss Kelly's
hand and Casey won? Thin Oh suppose
] Casey got her?" O'Rourke-''No; Costi-
gon got the prize! She said she wanted
the mon she could lick aisiest, begor-
rahr'-Puck.
His Reason for Gratulation-' tbs
very fortunate" remarked Mr.. Grady
| wisely, ''thot hay be not as HWY as coal.
| For whoy, Pat?" "Shure, a ton av the
| shtuff would weigh so much thot a poor
man couldn't afford to kape a cow
Judge.
Special Service-"Big fire down on
the street." said the sub-editor on the
thirty-ninth floor of the new office
| building. How do you know?" asked
the chief Just got a special dispatch
| from our staff correspondent on the first
floor. ''-Philadelphia North American.
NAV, what's de difference between er
politician and er statesman ?" We'll.
honey, a mushrooms good, amt it?''
yes, 'um.' And toadstool is pizen,
amt it?'' yes. 'um'' And dey bot
look alike?" Yes, 'um.'' ''Des same diff
ference from a statesman to a polite
ian.''-Brooxlyn Life.
A question of Surgery.-Ars. Wager
| Have you moved into your new
house?" Mrs. Changer-"Oh, yes; but We
are not settled yet. The carpenter has
to make so many alterations Mrs.
Wagger-''I thought everything would
be just right" Mrs. Changer-"So did
we. But we found that scarcely one o;
our old carpets would ft"-Harper's
Bazaar.
Have you read this sermon of the
Rev. DR.. Highfyer? It's rank heresy.'
Yes? Perhaps his press agent has rec
commended heresy as the most effective
form of ecclesiastical advertising. -
Brooklyn Life.
Had Been a Change.-Kansas liar
Visiting in the east)-''We have lots OF
near neighbors now Friend-'Why.
thought your nearest neighbor was q
miles away Yes. but we've had a cy-
| clone since heu-''-Harlem Life.