Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-04-03
Baltimore American.

The Devils Diary, as told by himself
in the New York World:
II a. m.-Sheldon made a speech to us,
saying we mustn't smoke. He's frost.
80 a. m.-SheldOn came fOolng
around the imposing stone an got the
sponge under his elbow. New coat fer
Sheldon.
1:2O D. MASKED Sheldon for dime
to get new cylinder for the press. He's
easy.
2:10 p. m.-Told him the Autograph
room needed quarters worth Of metal.
Wonder how long he Will last.
$3.50 p. m.-SheldCn told me he liked
the newspaper biz frst-class. Went in
and asst him.
D. m-Took in proofs Of one O Shell
don's articles to him and told him it was
lulu. What's lulu:' he said. You
are | said. Not a cent.
5 p. m.-Offered him chunk O roller
for chewing gum. Didn't bite. Catch
ing on to the biz.
$50 p. m.-Sheldon wiped his face on
the efhce towel. All he needs is q wig
an a rag-time song to be Billy West.
Z p. m.-Lit a cigarette stub back Of
galley rack. Sheldon's nose ali right
Suspended
$40 D. m.-Sent for.
S:25 p. m.-Got back. New kid hired
TO fill my place hadn't done nothin' but
pi form. Never seen q print shop in
his life before.
$50 p. m-Told Sheldon that. seem
the new principle the Office was working
under I'd forgive him.
1850 p. masked Sheldon for a raise.
Good chance.
Midnight-Had square talk with Shell
dom Got the raise Told him the edi-
tor want the whole thing. Said he
guessed that was right.
The Real Thing.-Johnny (who is jeal-
Gus of mamma)-"M NJ ANNA likes me bet
ter than she does your' Evelyn (who
enjoys teasing)-"Why. no. Johnny; of
course she loves Betty and me best!
Just think. she was our mother long be-
fore she was yours Johnny (scorn-
nothing but sample copy, anyhow.
And Betty's only a trial subscription.
But | am the real thing.'-Life.
One of the peculiarities of Lord Kitch-
cner is that he never mentions himself,
says M. A. p. / heard the other day,
however, of the one exception he ever
made to this rule. 1t is curious, singular
and characteristic. 1t was in Egypt and
they were on the hunt for an important
sheikh, whose capture was for the mo-
ment Of vital Importance. When Hitch
cner had given a full description of the
sheikh, somebody still expressed doubt
10 recognize the man amid the innumera-
bic turbans and ebbahs which are COM
mon wear in the land OF the Arabs
Obi said Kitchener, you'll be sure
to recognize him, he has very blue eyes
almost as blue as mine!'
Maj-Gen j. d. p. French. who is
practically the only officer who has been
uniformly successful in the South At
rican war, says NJ a. p, is a universal
favorite especially with the fair sex
He is full of humof, fun, and animal
spirits. There is a story in the family
of how, when quite small boy, his sis
tiers thought it would be good for him
SO conduct the family devotions, under
the impression that the responsibility in
volved would cause the function to leave
deeper impression on his mind. Mas
ter Jack rebelled, but had to give in at
last. lie had the best Of it i'll the end
though For in the prayer he had to
read on the very first day appeared the
invocation, 80 Lord, cut us not off as
cumberers Of the ground"
This passage he rendered, with con-
siderable JUNCTION. 30 Lord, cut us not
off as cucumbers of the groundr'-con-
vulslng his audience, and putting an end
10 any further request that he should
art as chaplain.
Il wart YOU said the old farmer 80
give Bill about Sc worth O. schooIin'-
pervided You'll take it out in trade Fer
instance, IN start him on three bushels
o corn: then, when that's out, I'll keep
him a-movin' OH couple O smokehouse
hams: I'll give you a young heifel GER
larn him writin'. an home-raised COW
ter beat figgers in his head DO you
want him to learn any of the higher
branches" "Well. after he climbs a
leetle you might throw in bout Il bushel
or two o them, eff You think flor say.
bout quarter O beef's worth. Allan
Ia Constitution.
Sir Augustus Harris once settled the
pitch question in his own off-hand fash
ion. A famous prima donna of his opera
company came to him complaining that
the piano used for vocal rehearsals was