Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1900-03-22

Paid HE Doctor OsIy Whes Well. bat the
Plan Had It's Drawbacks.

'"The Chinese system OF paying their
physicians while the patient keeps well
and shutting of the salary when he
gets sick always struck me as being
singularly sensible" said one OF the
tenants Of big New Orleans office
building. You see. Ii gives n doctor
every incentive to make an unavoidable
illness as brief as possible, while our
method OF paying while we are dis
abled offers just the opposite induce
ment. or course. l don't mean to say
that any reputable practitioner would
deliberately keep patient laid up for
the sake of his fee. but the temptation
is certainly mighty strong and last
New Years, after settling whopp-
ing big bill for the preceding quarter, 1
made up my mind to give the Chinese
method trial-just as an interesting
experiment.
Il was afraid to make the PROPOSE
ton to my regular physician, who's a
very stiff-necked old-timer, and would
probably have Drained me with a
stethoscope under the impression that
l was impugning his honor, so l hunt
ed up n very earnest, able young doc
tor whom knew to be struggling hard
to get fOOthOld. and laid the scheme
before him. I'm i'm delicate health
said, and your profession generally
gets good deal Of my money from one
years end to another, besides penning
me up In bed and preventing me from
attending to business. Now, Ill give
you $3.50 Il month as long as you
keep me well. If l get sick your pay
stops until I'm up again. He thought
a moment and accepted"
well, how did 1t turn out?' asked
one of group of listeners.
I'm just coming to that" replied the
speaker. For a week or so it worked
all right. The doctor dropped in once
or twice to look me over casually, and
| had pleasant feeling that some one
was vitality interested in seeing that
kept WELL Then came the first unpleas-
ant experience. We had a rainy day,
and l was hurrying up Canal street
toward the office when man sudden
ly bounced on me and dragged me into
hallway. 1t was the doctor. Good
heavens! he fairly yelled, where are
your rubbers? i don't know l STAN
mered, startled half out of my wits.
Then give me the money to buy you
pair ut once he said, or you'll be
down with pneumonia and I'll lose n
whole months wages He was so
fierce that l shelled out and missed sew
eral important engagements while I
waited.
"A few nights afterward was quiet
ly eating n rum omelette in a restaurant
when who should rush up but that
same COMPOUNDED doctor. Rum
omelette" he grasped, turning pale as
death. why man alive. do you want
to take the bread right out of my
mouth! and with that he grabbed the
| omelette and ordered me some tea and
toast. Your digestive organs are very
sensitive, he said, and an attack Of
gastritis would mean So or $40 out of
my pocket. I'm n poor man. said he,
and l can't afford to take any such
chances. 1t wouldn't be just to my
family
II ate the tea and toast, which l
| abominate, and began to wonder
whether the Chinese system was quite
as much of a cinch rs it seemed ut
long range. Well, won't bore you with
all the details, but give you my word
that for the next two weeks / suffered
martyrdom. That internal doctor was
continually bobbing up at unexpected
places, determined to keep me well or
perish in the attempt. At last he
passed the limit. l was at the theatre
with party of friends, and by some
horrible fatality lie was sitting in the
next row. He kept shifting about I'M
easily. and finally, right in the midst
Of the performance, he leaned over and
whispered hoarsely: Say did you re-
member to put on your chest protec-
tor? Everybody near us Uttered, and
| yearned for his gore.
| Next day l fired him. have gone
back to the old system. It's crude,
admit, and open to abuses, but that
mans rampant solicitude was under.
mining my health"