The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-01-28
Tbe dyarp11 Corner
-. For Men Only -.

other night when Mr. Brown went home
to dinner. his wife said
'Oh, John, I am so worried about the
Smiths
Whats the matter with them?" said
Brown: the Smiths lived across the
street.
why, the Doctors buggy has been
there all day. and now there's another
buggy there, so they must be having a
consultation. And Johnny ran out about
o'clock to the drug store. and came
back SOON"
But who's sick?" said Brown.
Mrs. Smith is sick, Of course, and Mr..
Smith came home from the office in
great hurry just now. Oh. John, won't
you go over to inquire. and ask IL there
Is anything we can dor
Eyes, 1 will; I'll go right away And
he did, but when he came back he was
in an awful temper.
1.-THE next time, Mrs. Brown, that you
make such a fool Of me, I'll know it,
'.Why, John, what in the world do you
mean? How Is Mrs. Smith,
Nothing the matter with her, groWied
Brown 81 went there and when Smith
came to the door I tip-toed into the
house like an idiot and asked if there
was anything 1 could do. Smith began
to laugh.
"'Do for WHAT he said
"'For your wife said I like a fool, I
hear she is very ILL.,
She's all right said he
"tAnd the doctors buggies,' 1 began.
''Oh, those buggies belong to the men
who are putting in our new refriser-
ator' =" Brown glared at Mrs. Brown,
who turned red. $50 you didn't see the
doctors?'
'.Well, L saw the buggies and sup
posed of course"
But you said they were doctors-and
you said Mrs. Smith was sick.
''Well, supposed of course"
Brown slammed the door and went OUT
A hotelkeeper in a small New York
town, who was also a member of the
volunteer fire department, was recently
married in his hosiery, and neglected TO
invite his associates in the department.
At the last moment he concluded he
ought to ask them, and, being too late ID
send out invitations, he turned In fire
alarm from the hotel, and when they ali
came dashing up with the apparatus, ne
asked them in, and as soon as they re-
covered from their wrath at the trick,
they complied.
Mrs. Toun Is an enthusiastic member OF
the Civic league, and when she came
home from the recent meeting at which
licenses for dairymen were ag1tated she
made a mental resolve to get up early
the next morning and interview her milk
man, so she told the cook to call her
when he appeared. Mrs. Toun, who is
young married woman, lives in a fiat. and
the next day she conversed with the milk
spurveyor through a speaking tube:
e ..Milkman,'' she called down the tube,
"are your COWS tagged?'
..5sSsssesNZhat, mum ?t he bellows -
{ 81 say, are your COWS tagged
$ 81 don't think they are, mum,
= well, 1 can't take milk from You any
more, milkman, I'm a member"
81 don't understand what you mean,
num- the milk gentleman shrieked.
This is what mean" sad Mrs. Toun,
in shrill falsetto down the tube, II m
member of the Civic league, and We have
all promised the president not to take
milk from any cow that does not have
tag round its neck, and
I'm licensed" roared the milkman.
That's not enough Mrs Toun contin-
ued. Your cows are not tagged, and I'll
have to get another" but just then
something like big D came up the tube
and Mrs. Toun shut 1T with a snap, and
went away with conscious air Of duty
done. The way the league is educating
women in municipal affairs Is a great
help to everybody.
AT THE FUNERAL.
Mrs. THAT was real lace round her
neck
Mrs. Dyes, and what pity to bury
it.
An authority upon chemistry was lee
turing before a well known woman's
club, and illustrating his remarks with ex-
periments. All went well until he paused
a moment and then said: I'm very sorry;
but 1 must ask any Of the ladies who
use face powder containing bismuth to
leave the room during this experiment.
as the gases 1 am about to set free have
a peculiar affinity for bismuth and turn
1t purple"
Whereupon the entire audience, save
three courageous sisters, rose and fed
from the room.
From the New York Herald: VIII the
gentleman who noticed the cruel earth
rise up and bump a lady in the head. as
SnG ailgntcQ IfOIH d 6TOduWdy Col, piOooO
address D. Herald. Object matrimony.
There is a report that some women have
gone into the business of raising mice
what for was not stated. Generally it
takes a mouse to raise a woman-on to
the nearest chair.
young man who Is evidently phil
osopher has written a long letter to an
Ohio paper, telling his fellow men how
to choose a wife He imparts great deal
of information that was known to the
ancients, and then states that the final
test of a helpmate is her fondness for
dogs. If she is kind to a dog she will
be good to her husband. This is reason
ing by anology. This young man Is so
wise that he could probably tell us what
the connection is between q reporter and
q cane.
LIFE ON THE HILL.
He (holding a pistol to her head
Your money quick
She-Oh; please, sir, 1 haven't any.
He-None of that, give me your money
She-Oh; don't take my savings, l am
trying to buy a pair OF diamond ear
rings to keep my family from starving.
He CHS face softening)-I never rob
the deserving poor.
she-Oh, you are gentleman!
He-Yes, but 1t is not generally known.
She-I will keep your terrible secret.
He offered his arm and walked home
with her. Next week he called and now
the engagement Is announced.
The Rev. Mr. Sheldon. Of Kansas, is
going to run Topeka paper for one week
the way that Christ would run 1t. we
can be reasonably sure that st. Paul will
be on the exchange list. Reggie.
Elephants Nurses.