Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1900-04-26

~ y. 4 .@H ~ T<r -'
.t'Johnnie, bow would you divide thir-
teen apples equally among fourteen
'boys?" Make 'em INTO apple sauce.
sr?'r7Lfe. Lns ., sss q n NnyrA
Sour: Irene-That yIss Weu9p looks
like squeezed lemon. ciaff1SA4Sfe
isn't though ishe'sltpst = dried lepon-
Chicago Tribune, y. aAyiis,t "a n.sa,ei
A New York symphony: HevSo far.
dear, our married life has been None
grand, sweet song.yt syevYes, dazzling;
in one fat-PhiladsIPRie I Rgll stlps,,,
Bound to get there: Hes an active
business man. Isn't he? Never loses q
Bit Of time" That's right He even
writes q summing NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Bulletin. 81 Het"s
(which is the head barberw inquired
the customer. Were, all head bar
'bers," replied the artist; what did you
suppose we were-corn doctorsY'--
Y0nkers Statesman. t ntf.,
Teacher Make a sentence contain
ing the word pursuit Bright Boy
twho reads the papers)-Were ten dol
lars, now seven dollars and ninety-nine
, cents per suit.-Exchange.
, The pater-If my daughter marries
you ! wish her to live in the style to-
which she has been accustomed. The
suitor-Thats all right. sir; your home
shall be ours!--Town Topics.
Trying: The Rev. Boresumm--Ah.
Brother Sinner. trust that you are OBJ
serving Lent properly. Snner-Well,
l. am going to hear you preach every
Sunday. -Baltimore American. ~
Tommy-Pop. what is vulgar ostenta-
ton? Tommy's father-vulgar osten-
tation, my son, Is the display made by
people who have more money to do 1t
with than we have ourselyes.-Phila-
delphia Record.
In Chicago: Excited lady lat the tele-
phone)--l want my husband, please, at
once. Voice from the exchanged
Number, please? Excited lady (snap-
pistly)AOnly the fourth. you impudent
thing!-E Exchange. 19sa
Superfiuous: Parke = Some women
are never satisfied; my wife almost in
sisted last night upon my taking her
to some play. Lane--But you didn'tf
Parke-No. sir! Why, I've seen every
thing there is.--Life.
b Visitor-What was the matter with
the man they just brought IA? Doctor
Stuck his head through pane OF
glass. Visitor--How did he look? De-
tor-His face wore an injured express
sion.--Baltimore News.
An accident:. Kindly. gentleman lin
alarm)-Goodness Have you had an
accident, little boy? Little boy-Yessir;
a turrible accldent Kindly gentleman
Gracious! What was it? Little boy
met pop when wus playin' hockey
Bazaar. D@- IL Pa - li4tCt
Butterfly Magnificent, sir! There are
scenes in your comedy that Shak-
speare could not have written. Dapter
You are too kind, really. Butterfly
Not at all. sir. Take, for instance, that
railroad smashup in the third act
Brooklyn Life.
The Photographer-Her sir, are the
cabinets that your son ordered of me.
The Father Regarding one)-The pic
ture Is certainly very like him; and he
has paid you? The Photographer--No,
sir. The Father-That is still more
like him.-Tit-Bits.
Hope Deferred: Husband-Yes, 1t
would make nice addition to our In
come; but the old fellow is good for a
dozen years at least, I'm afraid. Wife
That's so like you, Paul, dear; you
have no faith! have been taught to
believe in a Brooklyn
Life.
Mistah Johnsing-Yo' am de sweetest
gal heah, Miss Darknite! Miss Dark
nite-Now, Mistah Johnsng, yo' dis
stop dat TALKS blushin'. knows I
Is. Mistah Johnsing-'Deed yo' amt,
honey-yo' am de kind OBJ flowah dat
am bohn tub blush unseen.--Ohio State
Journal.
Teacher-HOw many of my scholars
can remember the longest sentence
they ever read? Billy-Please, mum,
l can. Teacher-What! Is there only
one? Well, William. you can tell the
rest of the scholars the longest SEN
tence you ever read. Billy-Imprison-
ment for life.-Tit-Bits.
Heart to Heart Condolences: Pertie
Goodwin-Don't tell anybody, for the
world! See this ring? Art Smasher
slipped it on my finger last night.
Meena Zevver-Yes. it's nice looking.
but 1t will make black circle around
your finger before you've worn 1t
week. It>did on mine.-Chicago Trib-
une. Fy
The burglar listened. There was no
noise. The family. at the supper table
below, did not suspect his presence.
Cautiously he threw back the bed
clothes and opened the corn-husk mat
tress. "Shucks!" he muttered huskily
extracting a roll OF bills and a box of
jewelry;I had got all ready to say Eek
celsior! Chicago Tribune.
1T is constant wonder to me-" said
the student of human nature, Ito see
how quickly the minds Of some men
act. I met n man the other evening
who had an intellectual grasp that was
astounding. met him in the hall just
as he was reaching for an umbrella.
rs that your umbrellay he inquired.
No replied l. In that case he an
swered. it's mine.'"
The Whales Vitality.