The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1900-03-18
MY BURGLAR.
BY Tom Hall.

have two peculiarities-and a wife with
a will of her own.
My wife's name is Maria
have not named the peculiarities yet,
though l expect to some day.
They have generic names, however. One
of them is timidity. l am not reckless and
do not want to be. I have seen too many
reckless men hustled into untimely graves
to be anxious to emulate them. 1 saw
Bill jenkins, who was at Gettysburg,
kicked into heaven by mule. That set
tied my mind so far as violent death is
concerned.
Ny other peculiarities is an aversion 10
church socials. I can't see why 1t is neces-
sary to go to one of these and pay % cents
for a 15-cent meal in order to contribute
cents to the missionary fund. Nor can
Cor any one else) explain where the other
cents goes.
Just here, however, my wife comes in.
She always does when 1 don't want her
to. She thinks church "socAals" the es-
sence of life, and declares she couldn't
get along without them. So she goes to
the socials and stay at home.
The village is eight miles away, and
when she goes she stays all night with
one of the sisters" and takes our boy
with her That is where my timidlty
comes in to bother me. l have to stay all
night alone in a big house, and | don't
like it. From the time that Maria goes
till she comes back l worry constantly
about burglars, tramps, footpads and
highwaymen. l never feel secure until l
hear her dear, familiar voice singing out
from the front gate:
well, Bill, haven't you got the wood
chopped yet?'
After that I brighten up a good deal.
Well, the incident 1 am about to relate
has to do with both of my peculiarities
and my wife. There was a church social.
Maria insisted on going, as usual; and
when Maria insists, l, as natural conse-
quence, have nothing to say. | let her go.
therefore. But 1 was unusually nervous at
being left all alone in a dark house at
night l had quite a sum of money in the
house, the proceeds of our hay crop, so I
loaded the shotgun with a double load of
buckshot and placed it at the head of NV
bed. l hoped to be able TO fire this shot
gun, or rather its contents, into any burg
lar who might chance my way | had
never fired it, however, in my life. and
l am sure L was as much afraid of the
hind end of it as any burglar would be
of the other.
Night fell and I retired to my chamber
/ did not undress and go to bed. for 7
knew cry well would be unable to sleep
So I sat down at the open window and
looked out at the yellow moonlight of the
autumn night. Though wideawake all the
time, l must have been exceedingly quiet
perhaps more so than 1 would have been
in actual repose; for it was to a SPOT near
the window on the first floor directly IN
der my own, that my attention was at
tracted about midnight
AS the clock struck that lonely hour 7
heard a dull, rasping sound directly be.
meath me, and guessed CORRECTLY that NV
long expected burglar had arrived. | neer.
ed over the window sill There he was
beyond doubt. The rasping sound was
caused by ladder brushing against the
side of the house. He was placing IL IN
position so that he could climb into the
very window at which 1 sat. No douot
he had noticed that it was open and afford
ed an easy entrance TO the house Other
wise I suppose he would have picked the
lock of one of the doors. l wish he had
done that. have always had a burnina,
curiosity to see a lock picked. l have
seen tooth picked, but never saw a lock
picked.
In a few moments more he was climb
ing the ladder He appeared 10 he a
great, shaggy, unkempt rascal The shot
gun was within five feet of me, and T
could undoubtedly have blown his brains
out then and there had the thought oc-
Cured to me. But l must confess thar
the gentle arts of diplomacy are much
more TO my taste than the horrors Of wa
so paused and considered. have often
paused and considered in my life without
eppreciable effect; but on this coca sion a
plan of action occurred to me so opnor-
timely that I regard it as Napoleonic 10
this day 1t WIS simply this: l. too
would be a burglar and would join forces
with the invader in robbing my own house
Shuch plan would undoubtedly save NV
life, for they say that there is homo
among thieves It is well that there 10
by the way There is mighty little among
honest men.
My idea grew In my mind. Perhans 7
could do more than save my life. know.
ing where all my vauables were l oonld
be of material use TO my burglar. and no
haps he would give me something for NV
pains.
slipped noiselessly down the back stairs
and out through the kitchen door T,ben
went to the corner of the house ana eati
Hello" in sort OF whispered shout I |