davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Writing Wrau

What's on hand?" asked the city
editor.
II am now going" said the reporter,
who had been assigned to murder
story, ito write great wrong Den
yer Times.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
A General Term,

Where did they go for their vaca-
tion?'
ITO the mountains
"What mountains?'
We'll, / think they are just in the
rear of their Uncle Jim Stebbins' farm
house down in Southern IIlinoy."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
"DawdJer nlavs golf On wo,,

.Dawdler plays golf so well he ought
to be professional"
''Yes, ! suggested 1t to him, but he
says nothing would induce him to work
SO hard in hot weather."
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Another on Chicago


The Philadelphian-Isn't the mud on
this street trifie deep?
Chicagoan proudly)-Deep? 1t is the
deepest mud on any paved street in the
world!-Indianapolis Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

Fair Widow-Yes, I've made up my
mind that when I die I shall be ere
mated, as my husband was.
Gallant Captain-Dear lady, please
don't talk about such dreadful things.
Consider how much better it would be.
in your case, -er-cross out the c.
Punch.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Fool for Luck.

Quizzell-My wife's the luckiest
goose; found dollar bill to-day and 10
cents last week.
Fizzell-Humph! Mine finds some
thing every day.
QuizzellThat SO? What?
Fizzell-Fault-Detr Free Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
New Product for Hens.
Summer Roarder-What |

Summer Boarder-What kind of
fowls are these?
Farmer-La Landlord-Plymouth Rocks.
Summer Boarder-Oh, yes. They're
the kind that lays the corner-stones,
amt they?
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

NO A1ternafIve.
"Thats terrible noise in the nurs-
cry, Mollie," said the mistress. Whats
the matter? Can't you keep the baby
quietF
'Shure, ma'am," replied Mollie, "I
can't keep him quiet unless l let him
make noise."-St. Louis GlobeDemo-
crat
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Great Canals.

Probably the largest canal in the
world-a distinction of some note in
these days of wonderful engineering
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

Great Actor-I propose making a fare
well tour of the provinces. What play
would you advise?
Critic-"Much Adieu About Nothing. 1"
Detroit Journal
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Had to Give Way,

Have your summer vacation plans
matured yet, Billy?'
< "Oh, yes; but they had to be side
tracked on account Of some summer
notes that also matured." ."-Indianap-
oils journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
LET Us ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA
RiOuS HUMORlSTS

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over-Sayings that Are Cheer
full to Old or Young-Funny selec-
tions that You Will Enjoy.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Good of It's Kind.

"What sort of table do they set at
your houses" asked the prospective
hoa RIDER
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

1t is a rare man who doesn't do fool
things every day.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

mo, but we couldn't find lady UNI
pire who would give decision and
stick to it."-Detroit Free Press.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
His Redeeming Quality.

Judge-You were begging on the pub
lie streets and yet you had $40 in your
pocket.
Prisoner-Yes, Jedge; I may not be
as industrious as some, y'r honor, but
I'm no spendthrift.-New York Weekly.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Knew Her HABIT,

"That typewriter girl isn't in love
with anybody around this otfice.''
ssInuy do Won Ennw -,
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

The wreckless sea captain is the
most popular with sailors.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Different.

"And when he quiets down they say
he's posing."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

Asbury Peppers in reply. 1.-THE first
long and the latter short" rt."-London
Tid-Bits
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

"Why, when she gets too warm she
takes her collar off. f.',Indianapolis
journal.
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28

"When he hustles they say It's all
for effect
ssYeSn
Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-09-28
Another Woman Ioke.
90 exhausting: :

"Our women's baseball club went to
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL.
Many Things of which Its Gradu
afoa Are I1uorauf

Many Things of which Its Gradu-
ates Are Ignorant.
The failure of the Sunday school as
a means of giving systematic and
thorough knowledge of the Bible is
great. A teacher in city high school
asked an advanced class of 40 or 30 pu-
pills, who had been drilled for years in
the International Sunday School Les
sons, how to proceed in order to reach
Palestine. and not one could give the
desired information. Then she asked
the class in what part Of the world
Palestine is located, and no one knew.
That is a very good specimen of Sun
day school teaching and can be paral-
leled anywhere by those who will take
the trouble to ask few questions. The
ignorance of the Bible on the part of
most persons of average intelligence is
something amazing. The simplest
questions will elicit no answer on the
part of most such persons.
That educated persons know some
thing about the Bible may be assumed,
but not unless the training goes much
beyond the standard Of the common
school Again and again it has trans
pired that those who were generally
well informed, who were fairly well
educated and regarded as bright and
clever, were almost totally ignorant of
the Bible. Their Sunday school train
ing had given them no knowledge of
the book that was of any value, and,
however much they might have read it
since, it was to them a sealed volume.
Boston Transcript
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
MOUNTAIN AIR.
why 1t Is More Healthful Than That
of Lower Attitudes

why 1t Is More HealthfuI Than That
of Lower Attitudes.
The only reason why mountain air
is healthier than low air is that noun
tain air is cleaner than low air. The
chemical composition of the atmos-
phere differs but little, if at all, wher-
ever the sample be taken. On Pixies
peak the relation of oxygen to nitro
gen and other constituents of the at
mosphere is the same as at the level
of the ocean. The favorable effects
therefore of change of air are not to
be explained by any difference in the
proportion of its gaseous constituents.
One important difference. however. is
the meteorological one. The air of
high attitudes contains no microbes
and is, in fact. sterile. while near the
ground and some 100 feet above it
microbes are abundant.
In the air of Chicago and other
crowded places not only does the mi
crobe impurity increase, but other i'm
purities, such as the products of COM
bustion of coal, accrue also. Several
investigators have found traces of n.y.
drogen and certain hydrocarbons in
the air, and especially in the air of pine.
oak and birch forests. 1t is to those
bodies, doubtless consisting of traces
Of essential oils, to which the curative
effects of certain health resorts are
ascribed Thus the locality Of fir
fornsf 10 said IN Give relief in dispa seS
of the respiratory tract. But all the
same, these traces of essential oils and
aromatic products must be counted,
strictly speaking, as impurities, since
they are not apparently necessary con-
stituents of the air. AS recent analy-
ses have shown. these bodies tend to
disappear in the air as higher alti-
tude is reached until they disappear
altogether Louisville Dispatch.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
Giving Him a Rest.

The energy of one of the Oldest in
habitants of Massachusetts town is a
byword among his neighbors and
trial to his grandchildren, who have
not inherited their full share of his ac-
tive temper.
His grandson John in particular suf-
fers from the old mans untiring indus
try, for John is his assistant in the lit
tie grocery shop. where everything
from Goldfish to brooms, may be found
A purchaser of gingersnaps fingered
one day to hear the noontime address
delivered to poor John by his grand
father
''Now, Johnny, I'm a-going home for
my dinner" said the old man briskly,
land on the way I'll carry up these
pals to Miss Manson and fetch back
her kerosene can. | shall be gone up
ards of half an hour. You'll have
plenty of time to eat your luncheon
and while you're resting after that
wish you'd saw up that little mess of
wood that lays out by the back door
and split it up for stove kindling, for
the weather's turning sharp already.
Most likely I'll be back fore you get
out O. work, and anyways don't want
to keep you at 1t all the time, so if
there's few extry minutes jest set
down and make out bill or two. The
fust of the month'll be upon US fore we
know it."-Youth's Companion.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
WASHINGTON.

Holiday Tour via Pennsylvania Railroad.
December 27 has been selected as the
date for the personally Conducted Holiday
Tour of the Pennsylvania Railroad to
Washington. This tour will cover period
of three days, affording ample time to
visit all the principal points of interest at
the National Capital, including the Con-
gressional Library and the new Corcoran
Art Gallery. Round trip rate. covering
railroad transportation for the round trip,
hotel accommodations, and guides. $l4. SO
from New York, $500 from Trenton, and
SII so from Philadelphia. These rates
cover accommodations for two days at the
Arlington, Normandie, Riggs, or Eobitt
House. For accommodations at Wizards,
Regent, Metropolitan, or National Hotels.
2.5o less. Side trips to Mount Vernon,
Richmond, Old Point Comfort, and Nor
folk at greatly reduced rates.
All tickets good for ten days, with special
hotel rates after expiration of hotel
coupons.
For itineraries and full information APP
ply to Ticket Agents; Tourist Agent, IIe6
Broadway, New York a Court street,
Brooklyn; or address George w. Boyd,
Assistant General Passenger Agent, Broad
Street Station, Philadelphia.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
TALL CORN

doesn't come by accident. A
fertile soil and careful cultiva-
ton are necessary to produce
the towering stems and heavy
ears.
Yet the farmer who under
stands that he can't have a
healthy corn crop without
feeding and wedding, seems
TO think that he can have q
healthy body without either
care or culture. But the body
is built up just as the corn is,
by the assimilation of the
several chemical elements on
which vitality depends. And
what weeds are to the corn,
diseases of the stomach and
nutritive systems are to the
body they divert the neces-
sary food supply from the
proper channels, and the
body becomes lean, sickly
and ill-nourished.
The proper digestion and
assimilation of food is a pri-
mary essential of health. By
healing diseases of the storn-
ach and organs of digestion and
nutrition, DR.. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery increases
the digestive and assimilative
powers, stimulates the action
of the blood making glands,
and sends to every organ of the
body the rich red-corpuscled
blood on which physical vigor
and vitality depend.
1T took two bottles of Doctor
Pierce's Golden Medical Discov-
cry, for stomach trouble,p writes
Clarence Carnes, Esq, Of Taylors-
town, Loudoun Co., Va. ut did
me so much good that I didn't
take any more. / can eat most
anything now. am so well
pleased with it I hardly know how
to thank you for your kind infor-
nation. I tried a whole lot Of
things before ! wrote 70 you.
There was a gentleman told me
about your medicine, how it had
cured his wife. thought 1 would
try bottle of it. Am now glad
that 1 did, for 1 don't know what
! would have done If it had not
been for DIR. Pierce's Golden Med
ical Discovery"
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets
regulate the bowels and cure
constipation.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18

of tits sort of rot win stand me on on
my SO. Do@ou want me to take It
out of your hideY'
'And you can buy stock at par, my
dear fellow-stock that win be worth
$50 inside of four weeks. have ar
ranged for that. That stock viii pay
you at least 100 per cent. Invest $10,-
600, and you have an income of $4,000
per year. That's what comes of trust
ing to the integrity Of Major Crofoot.
Is 1t enough? If not, just say so, and
I'll add 5000 from my salary as presi-
dent"
Mr.. Shine deliberately removed his
coat and vest and flung them on a
chair.
''Or II you want to borrow $40 for a
day or two you can have It and vel
come. I'll just step out and get it for
you"
The major stepped, and Mr.. Shine re-
moved his collar, tie and cuffs. Then
he spat on his hands and limbered up
his arms and waited He waited for
half an hour-two hours. Then he got
up and redressed himself and kicked
over the chairs and desk and went out.
The major had stood him of once
more. M. QUAD.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
OLD POINT CoMFoRr.

six-Day Tour via Pennsylvania Railroad.
The first of the Iooo-Ioor series of per-
sonally conducted tours to Old Point Com
fort via the Pennsylvania Railroad will
leave New York and Philadelphia on
Thursday, December 81.
Tickets, including luncheon on going
trip and one three-fourths days board at
Old Point Comfort, and good to return
direct by regular trains within six days,
will be sold at rate of $500 from New
York; $3.50 from Trenton; $I2.5o from
Philadelphia, and proportionate rates
from other points.
For itineraries and full information ap-
ply to Ticket Agents; Tourist Agent, IIo6
Broadway, New York; 4 Court Street,
Brooklyn; 78o Broad Street. Newark, NJ;
or Geo w. Boyd. Assistant General Pass
enger Agent, Broad Street Station, Phila-
delphia.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
SOME MEN GROW ON TREES.
This Is the Belief of an Indian and
Some Other TribeB

This Is the Belief of an Indian and
Some other Tribes
The Sioux Indians still share with
the old Aryan and Semitic tribes in the
belief that there are trees that bring
forth human beings and others that
bear various portions of the human
body, and in the fourteenth century
an italian traveller, on arriving at NAL
abar, was told by the natives that the
country abounded with a tree that
bore men and women. The latter were
attached to the limbs by the neither ex-
tremities and were full formed when
the wind blew, but when the wind died
out they soon withered. These speci-
mems OF humanity reached the length
or height of three feet.
In the first book Of the Mahadharata
mention is made of forms of dwarfs
that were to be found on a large fig
tree. The Arabs are still strong In the
belief that somewhere in the southern
ocean there Is a tree that bears nut
that resembles the face of a man and
when In it's fullness the mouth opens
Auu gives fOiCc " Lie ely. w dh'
Wakw The Chinese reverse the order
Of things and, instead Of believing that
the trees give birth to men, claim that
in the beginning the herbs and grass
sprang from the hair of the human
family. They have preserved the ira
dition, too, that somewhere within the
borders of the beautiful Flowery
Kingdom there is wonderful lake by
whose margin grew trees whose leaves
developed into birds and also that, If
a jar be broken on the waters, birds Of
the most brilliant plumage will at once
arise from the pieces and fly off.
In central India there is tribe call
ed Khatties that claim to have their
origin from stick of wood. When
the five sons of Pandu, the heroes
whose exploits are told in the Mahad-
harata, had become simple tenders of
sheep. Karna, their illegitimate broth
er, wishing to deprive them of their
last resource, prayed to be gods to as
sist him. He struck the earth with his
staff, which opened, and from it sprang
a man who was called Khat, meaning
begotten of wood, and by this name
have his descendants ever since been
known.-St. Louis Republic.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18

days hence we turn out our first box Of
fishbalIs, and they go to the president
Inside Of week he viii telegraph US:
Nothing like EN- on the face Of the
earth. Send me carload My dear
man. Golconda is within our grasp.
I've let you into the biggest thing of
the twentieth century, but / want no
thanks for it. AS am very busy this
morning.
my SLIP shouted the tailor as the
door closed on him.
No answer.
Major Crofoot, you are an old dead
beat!''
No answer.
".And I'll stay right here till Satur-
day night to get sight of you and punch
your headp
But he didn't When a gravelike ST.
lence had continued for five minutes,
he got discouraged aad scuffied his
way down stairs. NJ. QUAD.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
sed Rues and COCK Roaches.

For destruction and complete radiance
of Cock Reaches, Beetles, Wood and
Water Bugs, Bed Bugs, Ants, Rats. Mice,
etc., Rough on Rats though poison
GUS, if used with care is most effective.
In fact it is the only thing that will per-
manently annihilate Bed Bugs and Cock
Reaches AS an exterminator of Rats
and Mice. 'Rough on Rats is the old
reliable that never fails or disappoints.
They don't die in the house" Is sold
all around the world Is used by all
civilized nations of the earth. Is the
most extensively advertised, the best
known and has the largest sale of any
article of its kind on the face of the
globe. 1t gives satisfaction every time.
Beware OF limitations employ no ped
dfers Have a suspicion of any dealer
Offering substitutes said to be as good.
I5c and 25c.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
rhe Han.e rhat Tre.ham Rui1t.

One of the curiosities of architecture
in England is, according to The Stone
Trades Journal, the house erected
about 300 years ago at Rushton, in
Northamptonshire, by Sir Thomas
Tresham, Roman Catholic, who
wished by his design to typify the
Trinity.
The house is all threes, has three
sides, three stories and three windows
on each fat, each of them in the shape
of the trefoil-the three leaved sham
rock. Where the roofs meet rises a
three sided pyramid, terminating in a
large trefoil The smoke escapes from
this chimney by three round holes on
each side of the three sides. The build
ing is almost covered with notices and
carvings, three Latin Inscriptions, one
lon each of the three sides, having 80
letters in each. Three angles on each
side bear shields. Over the door Is the
text from the Vulgate, There are three
that bear record" Inside the house
each corner is cut off from each of the
three main rooms, so that on every
floor there are three three sided apart
imentS.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18

Nasal catarrh quickly yields to treat
ment by Ely's Cream Balm, which is
agreeably aromatic. 1t is received
through the nostrils, cleanses and heals
the whole surface over which it diffuses
itself. A remedy for nasal catarrh which
is drying or exciting to the diseased mem
brane should not be used Cream Balm
is recognized as specific. Price 80 cents
at druggists or by mail. A cold in the
head Immediately disappears when Cream
Balm is used. Ely Brothers, Sc Warren
Street, New York
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18

Once upon a time a Young Person,
by Dint of Frugality, had accumulated
a Wad, and, the season of Millinery
Openings having come, it was now Up
to her.
'Shall 1" she unused in no small anx-
Lefty, make my Wad look like 80 cents,
or shall l trim my own hat and thus
make myself look like 80 centsY'
AS the Shrewd Reader will doubtless
have conjectured, the Upshot of the
matter was that the Young Person pur-
chased a Lovely Imported Creation,
costing $50.-Detroit Journal.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
A. ia strikes.

whats the matter with that manT
asked the clock. "He doesn't seem to
have anything to do but wind me up"
mo" replied the calendar; "he isn't
working Heand his companions struck
some time ago"
"Huhl Suppose l should stop work.
ing every time l struckY'
THAT'S so, but | notice it freshens
me up every time he takes a month
f."-Philadelphi Press.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
TnId the Truth.

Mother-Now, George, shall tell
your papa to punish you severely for
telling an untruth. You said you didn't
touch one of those six peaches. and
there is only one left. and found the
five stones In your nursery.
Georgia. told no story, mamma
The peach l didn't touch is the one
that's left
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
Architectural oddities.

At Frankfort-on-the-M Main there is
one street in which two houses on op-
posite sides of the street lean over so
far that their roofs meet over the
street In one of these houses Lord
Rothschild was born. In Paris. on the
other hand, it is noticeable that the
builders Intentionally construct the
houses so that they lean backward
slightly to add to their stability. But
almost in the center Of Paris there is
lone big stone building which leans out
fully 31a feet over the sidewalk. So
solid, however are the Paris buildings
that this one is claimed to be safe
Pearson's Weekly.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18

New and successful treatment, only
complete cure. Gives ease and comfort
at once Subdues inflammation. Allays
fever, pain. soreness. tenderness. Re-
duces swelling and enlargement of joints;
cures both hard and soft corns, and to
tired, sore or fevered feet it gives relief
and comfort at once. CSC at druggists,
or sent promptly by mail. E. S. WELLS,
Chemist, Jersey City, N. ].
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
Headache for Forty Years.

For forty years suffered from sick head
ache. A year ago began using Celery King.
The result was gratifying and uprising,
my headaches leaving at once. The head
aches used to return every seventh day, but
thanks to Celery King, have had but one
headache in the last eleven months. know
that what cured me will help others.-Mrs.
Celery King cures Constipation and all dis
eases ofthe Nerves, Stomach, Liver and Kid
neys. Sold by druggists. Csc. and 50c.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-12-18
From sire to Son.

AS family medicine Bacon's Celery
King for the nerves passes from sire to
son as legacy. If you have kidney,
liver or blood disorder get free sample
package of this remedy at once. If you
have indigestion, constipation, headache,
etc., this specific will cure
you. Wells 6 Son, Columbus, E. d.
Prickitt, Mount Holly; W. G. Jones, New
Egypt; Edw. W. Rossell, Pemberton, and
J. Fl. Leeds, Rancocas, the leading drug
gists, are sole agents and are distributing
samples free. Large packages SOC. and 25c.