davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
His Doul,Ie Fec.

Lawyer Smart-Good morning. MIR.
Gull. What can do for you today?
81 want to get your opinion on mat
ter of law"
"Yes."
'My hens got into my neighbor
Browns yard, and he poisoned them.
What | want to know is. can recover
damagesY
Certainly. 1t was malicious mis-
chief on his part, besides being de.
struction Of your property"
Thanks. But hold. stated that
wrong. 1t was Browns hens got into
my yard. and 1t was who admins
tered the poison"
"Ah. yes; see. That puts a differ
ent color upon the transaction, and II
is clear that he, In the person of his
hens. was the trespasser, whereas in
leaving the poison on your premises
you were quite unaware that his fowls
would eat 1t. 1t was purely an acci-
dent, so far as you were concerned"
Thanks. How much?"
Thirteen and fourpence."
"Why, that's just twice what you
asked for legal opinion the other
day."
81 know 1t, but. you see, have given
you two opinions today."-London An
swers.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
H. hn.n..t ,.,.re Anuar,um.

Why any one should ever have de-
sired to own or to visit an aquarium
is mystery. The view of fish, except
when nicely grilled or when suspended
at the end of fishing line, is one Of
the most uninteresting of sights. The
ether animals when in confinement dis
play traits which are more or less in
toresting. The lion has a sense of hu-
NOR and displays 1t in the most pleas
famer who has entered too often into
lis cage. The bear in his thirst for
luns seems so much like the human
ICY that the spectator of his antics
frequently feels an irresistible desire
- hit him with stick.
But the fish has not a single inter-
ssting trait He will swim around the
tank in which he is confined with a
persistence which is maddening to the
nervous spectator. He never engages
in genuine fight. but contents himself
with an occasional surreptitious bite
If an enemy's tail, which gives no true
satisfaction to the beholder. If he
happens to be large snake thinly dis
guised as an eel or an octopus or some
other alarmingly ugly fish. he will
sometimes swim directly at the glass
through which the visitor is looking at
him and thereby give the latter mo-
mentary sensation of horror. but the
average fish cares nothing for the pub
lie and treats his visitors with calm
contempt. An aquarium without fish.
like seashore resort without the sea,
is unobjectionable, but an aquarium
with real water and real fish is the
1reariest object in nature.-W. L. AL
len in Pearson's Magazine.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
A FAMOUS LIGHTHOUSE.
Ti11am0ok Rock. at the Mouth of the
Columbia River.

COlumD mD1a river.
The most famous lighthouse on the
Pacific coast is that of Tillamook rock,
40 miles south of the mouth of the Co
lumbia river. Oregon. The rock is go
feet above the sea, yet at the time Mr..
Lord made one of his photographs a
wave was breaking through crevasse
and hurling its spray higher than the
summit. On this day it was too rough
for the Columbine's boat to make a
landing. Coal for the station had to be
hCisted In net slings, and the keeper
had to be lowered in cage or basket
and. suspended in midair over the sea,
report on the condition of himself and
his assistants, as they were short of
provisions, most of the supply having
been destroyed during storm.
From the side of the rock heavy sea
at the height of this storm tore off two
pieces averaging 63 pounds and hurled
them upon the roof of the keepers
dwelling. With the weight of the wa
ter these fragments made hole 26 feet
in area in the roof, flooded the building
70 depth of over five feet and washed
out two walls, throwing three rooms
into one. an Improvement" for which
the keepers were not especially CRATE
frl. Pieces of rock punctured the iron
roof in 80 places. Although the focal
plane of the lantern is 1876 feet above
the sea level, II panes of glass three
feet long and three-eighths of an inch
thick were knocked in by pieces of
rock which went through the lantern,
ard the water put out the light. The
building has now been raised six feet,
and thick concrete roof has been laid
on heavy steel girders. s.-Chautauquan.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
He Roe RanidIr,

In speaking Of the late Ballard Smith
The Louisville Courier-Jearnai says
that when he first sought a position ia
n newspaper Office after graduating
from Dartmouth college he entered the
sanctum with an air of condescension.
He wore a silk tile and velvet jacket.
He said he would like to be dramatic
editor, but he was given place on the
local staff. In less than six months he
was made city editor. After that his
rise in journalism was rapid.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
The Trunk Paid.

Some years ago a man ran up bill
of 5000 in the fremont House. Chica-
go. and then ran away withom settling
1t. The trunk which remained In his
room was unusually heavy and when
opened after his departure was found
to contain specimens of ore. brought
from the gold and silver mines of Col
orado, where presumably he had lost
all his money After waiting out the
legal time Mr.. Gage sent the contents
of the trunk to an assayer. who return
I'd two bits of metal valued at more
lhan 500 in excess of the bill after
leducting his own fees.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
No Case.

you charge this man with imperson-
ating an officer, do your"
81 do. your honor"
Tried TO make you believe he was 8
policeman, did hep
HE did"
when he was In the saloon with
you, did he"-
"He didn't go into any saloon. your
honor"
"The prisoner is discharged. Chi
sago Tribune.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
.sMost UNIQUE"

Cne can hardly pick up a newspaper
rcwadays without seeing the vile
Iii'a*e. most unique" as "It was the
~: unique entertainment ever given
il l'odunk valley" If thing is unique.
is unique in the superlative degree.
II !; is not unique in the superlative de-
zee. it is not unique. To say that an
accident is zone of the most unique
ti-at ever occurred" is abominable.
Very singular" is parallel solecism.
Exchange.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
why a Minister Gave Up Preaching.

WHY a Minfster Gave Up Preachfng.
A minister had his salary cut down
800 year or so ago (and this was in q
western churcD because his wife wore
haRdsomer gown than some Of the
prominent women In the congregation.
The reason was given openly, and the
matter found its way into public print.
The fact that the wife's wealthy aunt
was the donor seemed to be Of no con-
sequence, and the poor woman herself,
rritated and mortified at the publicity
given to her private affairs, succeeded
in persuading her husband to with
draw from the ministry.-"A Minister'S
Wife" in Ladies' Home Journal.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
ssNfr. Maximum. /"

The result of an examination was put
up on the notice board of we'll known
cramming establishment. and one of
the attendants was scanning the list
with as much interest as any of the
breathless students. At the head of the
list was written. Maximum 500," and
when the attendants eyes rested there
on ne exclaimed, "Why, that Mr.. Max
Imum, he's always top. he is."-London
EIobe.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
In Self Defense.

What makes you assume such a
loud and aggressive tone in proclaim
ing your own merits?" asked the very
candid friend.
Il am forced to do It," was the great
actors answer. "I'm naturally one Of
the most modest men in the world, and
Eve got to keep praising myself for
fear my sensitive nature will compel
me to go to the manager and tell him
think l am getting too much money
Washington Star,
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
Not 4, cood Co,ducto-

"Well. sir" remarked the observant
passenger, after watching the conduct
,r collect eight fares and ring up FIVE.
"you need never be afraid of being
struck by lightning"
"Why not|' asked the trusted en-
,icyee.
Because" replied the observant pas
senger "it is evident you are not a
pod conductor Philadelphia Press.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
Thex swnnnea

A little boy in Bangor Me-. was suf
fering from severe cold. and bis
mother gave him bottle of cough
mixture TO take while at school. On
his return she asked II he had taken
his medicine NO" he candidly re-
piled. but Bobby Jones did. He liked
it, so swapped 1t with him for hand
ful of peanuts"
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
Close Resemblance.

Mrs. Talkso's husband was reading
an advertisement which asserted that
the mail is quick. the telegrapher is
quicker. but the telephone is quickest.
and you don't have t. wait for an an.
swer"
"Ah." he reflected. lin one particular
that reminds me strongly of Mrs. Talk
Baltimore American.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
Dangers of Boating.

Clara When George and are mar
led. | am to have my own way in ev
'rything.
Dora Guess you won't.
Clara-Indeed will. That's the bar
;ain Don't you remember told you
ne proposed to me in a rowboat and
asked If I'd float through life with him
lust that way?
Yes"
We'll he was rowing. but ! was
steering New York Weekly.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09

ing the following symptoms Sallow counte-
nance dark spots under the eyes, pain in the
mead, ringing in the ears, loss of confidence,
OF the heart, weakness OF the limbs and back,
consumption, etc
DIX. GIBBON has practiced in San Francisco
over ~ years, and those troubled should not
fail to consult him and receive the benefit of
his great skill and experience. The doctor
cures when others fail. Try him. Cures guar
anteed. Persons cured at home Charges reas-
enable. Call or write ~
DIR. J. F. GIBBoN, 625 Kearney street, San
Francisco, Cal.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
A Misleading Analogy.

When you eat. be careful to leave
bfF hungry" is advice often given at the
dinner table. but seldom received in an
ebrdient spirit.
The caution was repeated not long
fince to young man of vigorous ap-
petite.
"Pshaw." said he. you might as well
tell Inc to wash my face and be careful
to leave off dirty"
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
Two Point. of difference.

The difference between the COW and
the milkman," said the gentleman
with a rare memory for jests. "is that
The COW gives pure milk
There is another difference" re-
tortcd the milkman-''the COW doesn't
give credit" t."-Indianapolis Press.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09

The men -of-war of the Romans had
crew of about 22l men, of which ia
were oarsmen working on three decks.
The speed of these vessels was about
six miles an hour in fair weather
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09

Might and right do differ frightfulTy
from iIour to hour. but give them CEN
turies to try it in they are found to be
identical Carlyle.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09

The man who sits down and waits
for fortune to come along and smile on
him is apt to have need of a soft cush-
III. n.--Chicago News
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09

It is imprudent to keep an oil or gas
stove burning in sleeping room. They
consume the oxygen and thus vitiate
the air
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09

The purest Chinese is spoken at Nan
kin and is called 1.-The language of the
mandarins"
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
Tboughtr Wa. a Propo.a,,

Scene. cab stand near London. La
dy. distributing tracts, hands one to
cahby. who glances at it. hands it back
and says politely. Thank you, lady,
but I'm married man" Lady nerv.
ously looks at the title and reading
Abide with me-" hurriedly departs. to
the great amusement of cabby.-Spare
Moments
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09

Never mind who was your GRANDPA
ther9 Who are you?-Proverb.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-09
TO THE UNFORTUNATE.
DIR. GIBBoN

This old reliable and
themost successful spe-
cialist in San Francis
co ostillcontinues to cure
all Sexual and Seminal
Diseases, such as Ghon-
orrhea, Gleet, Structure,
Syphilis in all its forms.
Skin Diseases, Nervous
De bility, Impotency,
Seminal Weakness, and
Il NGc 80 AEa-A1Al 49,
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
Republican End Men.

Uncle Mark, did you know
dat de Republican party am
like a steamboat?
Why, no, Theodore; explain
yourself.
Yassir; you am de captain, de
trusts am de passengers, de
President am de tigurehead an
I'm de foghorn.
That sweet vocalist. Mr..
Sugar Trust, will sing his fa
vorite ditty. We've Got Lot
of Money. But We Want to Get
Some More. Columbia Her
aid.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
A Political Straw.

A lady went into a leading
hardware store yesterday and
purchased ten ''tin shingles"
paying Is cents or cent and a
half apiece for them. The good
lady took the shingles home. but
soon returned with the remark
that her husband said: THE
storekeeper had charged too
much for them to the extent of
half cent apiece"
,,Oh!" replied, the merchant.
1.-The old man has forgotten
that these are good(?) Mark
Hanna and Mckinley times
Tin articles have advanced
so per cent. When you get home
tell him to prepare to vote for
Bryan and he will get tin
shingles for three. .fourths of a
cent next year"
The lady remarked, as she
left the store, that if the old
man didn't vote for Bryan the
public might look for a divorce
suit next month" All of which
! is y political s'Jaw --- H1nniba
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
Negroes Disappearing.

Persons living in the river
towns of Missouri have noticed
for the past month that negro
men have been quietly leaving
their accustomed haunts and
the knowledge of their present
whereabouts is denied by the
other darkies.
At Shackleford, this county
an inland town, and the return
of few disclosed the fact that
they had been sent to Nebraska
close political state and the
returning emigrants say that
terms of their agreement to go
there were not complied with,
hence their return in disgust.
Just what was promised them
has not yet been confessed, but
corrupt Republican politicians
could easily make guess dan
gerously near the truth.
The Democratic state centra
committees of Nebraska, Kan.
sas, Illinois and Indiana have
been notified and hundreds of
criminals attempting to register
or vote illegally will be sent to
the penitentiaries of those
states. Marshall Index.
A number of Moberly negroes
have disappeared and nobody
seems to know where they have
gone. The concensus opinion,
however, is that they have been
sent to Illinois. The local dis
tributors of Mark Hanna {
slush fund could probably
throw some light on this sub
ject if they were so disposed
Moberly Democrat.
A few of the Monroe negeoes
have slipped out of the city. II
is supposed that they are ir
Illinois where their votes will
count.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
FIory A HOOdOO.

The only thing necessary to
convince even the sanguiue Re-
publicans that there is no show
for Joe Flory to be elected Gov
eruor of Missouri is for the afore-
mentioned Joe to make a few
more speeches" over the State.
At Benton last week he referred
to Daaiel Webster as the auth
or of "Webster's Dictionary,
and said there were 115 counties
in this State. .-Farmiuton Her
aid.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
Dinner Pail Half Full.

A horse and spring wagon be.
longing to contractor W. L.
Bond took a sprint down Sum
mer Street Tuesday morning
and when it reached the Gem
Hotel the wagon went TO smash.
James Ryan's Republican din
ner pail was also smashed but
as it was only half full of chuck
the loss was not great. Morris
Bonds bucket when picked up
contained IL buiscuits.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01

The peculiar kind of pros
perity" that prevails in these
days was admirably symboiized
at the Marquette club banquet,
in Chicago on the 9th. 1t was
a Mckinley banquet and, in
the language of the Chicago
Tribune, food was provided
in abundance to typify the full
the full dinner pail" At this
banquet there sat the favored
ones, typifying special priv
ileges while in the galleries
we're gathered the common herd
whose shares in the banquet
was d smell of it's fumes and
the ecuoes of prosperity"
oratory.-The Public.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01

Imperialism would be protita
BILE to the army contractors; it
would be profitable to the ship
owners who would carry live
soldiers to the Philippines and
bring dead soldiers back; it
would be profitable to those
who would seize upon the fran
chises, and it would be profita,
BILE to the officials whose sal.
aries would be fixed here and
paid over there; but to the farm
ers, to the laboriug man and to
the vast majority of those en-
gagged in other occupa tion il
would bring expenditure wit h
out return and risk with out re
ward. w. j. Bryan.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
Golden Wedding.

The Golden Wedding of
Washington Lanhan of Rails
county was celebrated at his
home Monday night. There
was royal supper of which 75
friends partook. Seven chill,
dren and twenty six grand chill
dren were present The festiv
tiles were rounded out by hap
py nht lMslinpnrd Ganc~.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01

Tomorrow will be Bryan day
in Hannibal, Hon. \. M. Dock
ely; Hon. James A, Read, of
Kansas City; Hon, r. H, Kern,
of St. Louis; Attorney Gen. e
G. Grow; Senator Frank H. Far
ris; Sam B. Cook and others
will discuss the issues of the
lay. Grand procession.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
Our Sulu Slaves.


Mr.. Bryan has succeeded, by
means of his answer to,Assistant
Secretary Meiklejohn on the
Sulu treaty, in drawing from
the Republican press, and from
Mr.. Meiklejohn himself, the un-
qualified admission that the
thirteenth amendment to the
constitution applies to the
Sulu islands. These authorities
point to the fact that this
amendment declares that neith-
er slavery nor involuntary
servitude shall exist within
the United States or any place
subject to their jurisdiction,'
as proof that the president
could not have confirmed the
slavery provision of the Bates
treaty.
We are glad the wording of the
amendment has finally forced
itself upon the Republican con.
sciousness. 1t has been ham
mered in often enough by Demo
Gratis. But now that our Re.
publican con temporaries are
willing to recognize the ex-
istence of the thirteenth amend
ment, let us ask them to think
a little harder.
The amendment does not say
that the president shall not
make treaty recognizing
slavery.
1t says that slavery shall not
"exlst" within the United
States or any place subject to
their jurisdiction
There are only two questions
. to be asked, therefore:
1. Are the Sulu islands sub
ject to the jurisdiction of the
United States?
The Republicans themselve
avow that they are.
9. Does slavery exist in the
Sulu islands?
Unquestionably it does.
} That makes the case complete
The Mckinley administration
: is convicted out of the mouth
of it's own friends of violating
a solemn prohibition put int
: the constitution by the Rep ubli
S can party ltself.-Quincy Her
: aid.
e The Republican party seem
to be composed of queer 10
of logicians and ducks.
native born American iron
Utah who was guilty of havin
, three wives was thrown out O
Congress. but Mckinley tn
Prince of Republicans gives
from the peoples pocket SIC
1000 per anuum to the King c
the Sulu's to run a concubin
tablishment.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
Vote Down the COerciOnists!

vote Down the COerclOnlSCS!
Philanthropy, as we'll as
practical politics of a com.
mendable nature, was exhibited
by Chairman Jones of the dem
ocratic national ucommittee in
the attitude lie assumed last
week toward the bulldozing
heads of corporations in Chi
cdgo.
For nearly week preceding
last Saturdays republican
parade in that city, his mail
was daily flooded with COM
plants from thousands of wage
earners. who asserted they
were democrats but had been
ordered by their employers,
under threat of dismissal, to
march in the Hannaite parade.
Chairman Jones issued an ad-
dress advising these men, asked
to surrender their personal
liberty by soulless corporations
for whom they toll as prerequi-
site to the privilege of en-
ployment, in which he advised
them to this high. handed
tyranny and march under com.
pulsion beneath the transpar-
encies and banners of 1.-the party
of robbery and oppression at
home and rapacity, conquest
and criminal aggression
abroad"
But parding in a Mckinley
procession is not going to elect
him.
These oppressed and BULLDOG
ed employees are told by the
chairman of the democratic nat
ional committee that they have
their recourse on election day.
when they can retire into the
secrecy of the voting booths,
where no purse-proud and ar
rogant bosses can interfere with
their liberties, and vote against
the candidates of party whose
surrender to the trusts and
tariff barons has made such out
rageous intimidation of Amer
ican voters possible.
God help this land if it be-
comes a prey to the fastening
ills that are presaged by such
brazencontemptfor decency and
law as is being'shown by the cor.
dorate aggregations of capita
which, by means OF their vast
employing capacity, brazeniy
assume the power to dictate
how citizens of this free re-
public shall cast their ballots.
The time to put an end to
this outrage is near and the
voters snould avail themselves
of it. Four years hence it may
be too late. Kansas City
Times.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01
How The Trusts Are RObbing

HOW Tne trusts Are ICODDinE.
Any citizens who wishes to
acquire some definite idea of
the amount of indirect taxation
that is being levied upon the
people by trust extortion which
is authorized by President Nc.
Kinley's administration, for
whose re election every monop-
oily in the country is laboring
and spending large sums of cor
ruption money, is invited to
cast his eye over the following e
summary. The trusts named
are those which produce good S
that are absolutely used by
every poor family in the land.
The statements here made are
mathematically correct.
Beet-lncrease of trust"
price, 30 1.3 per cent; capital
stock, 100000, 900; profits per
annum, $50, 100000; increased
cost to consumers, S10,0OO,OOO.
Salt-Increase of trust
price 65 per cent; capital stock,
S12, 100000; profits per annum,
$3, 600. 900; increased cost t
consumers, 81, 950,OOO.
Matches-Increase of trust
price IS per cent, capital stock
$15, 100000 profits per annum,
81, 000,000 increased cost to
consumers, $2,6OO.OOO.
Lumber-Increase in trust
price, so per cent; capital stock
$40, 900, 900; profits per annum,
$40, 900, 900; increased cost to
consumers, $4,000, 900.
Tin plate-Increase in trust
price, so per cent; capital stock
$50, 100000; profits per annum,
500, 900, 900; increased cost tc
consumers, 81, 900, 900.
Window glass-Increase O.
trust" price, 100 per cent; cap
ital stock, $1,000, 900; profit.
per annum, 81, 900, 900; increased
cost to consumers. So, 100000.
Enameled wdre-Increase O
trust" price, so per cent; cap
ital stock. 100000; prof t.
per aunum, $9,OOO,OOO; increas
ed cost to consumers, 81 500,
: 900.
The total increased cost t,
consumers by these seven trust
amounts to S43,500, Osten
sibly these combines" were o.
ganized to cheaper productio
: to the consumer. They have il
reality increased the price I
all articles they control from 2
to 100 per cent.
f Republican orators and OF
e gans call this ''industria
progress" The right name fo
it is "a colossal and heartles
scheme for robbing the Amer
: can public. Kansas Cit
u Times.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-11-01

Why not have a lecture
course in Monroe City this
season? 1t will afford our
citizens an opportunity to hear
some bright instructive lectures
and we believe would put some
money in the pocket of the or
rlr,Zatiou Whicu !eTa 4 "a