The Taney County republican., 1900-11-29
The Elevating influence of a
GOld-headed Umbrella.

From the Chicago lnter-Ocean.
When Cousin "Bil" came up from
Taney county. Mo-, to live with
them the members of the Edwards
family decided to make the best Of
it. The head Of the family prepared
them for it in advance.
Il suppose, my dear" he said to
his wife the day before chip was
due, civilian will be a rough dia-
mond."
When the Edwards girls got q
glimpse of their cousin as he stamped
into the front hall they were certain
about the roughness, aud were even
inclined to question whether the dia-
mond might not be paste rather than
genuine.
"Bil" evidently had not enjoyed a
shave for some days before he lett
the Bald Knob country to seek his
fortune in Chicago. He was chewin ing
tobacco. His slouch hat was faded
to soft greeish brown and was fres-
coed with grease spots. He wore
trousers the two legs Of which were
never intended to be mates, and his
coat was extremely short and shiny.
His boots were deeply wrinkled and
covered with dust. He wore q blue
cb ecked shirt and q white paper collar
innocent of tie but guilty of sundry
stains and spots. In the buttonhole
Of the collar sparkled a large prize
package button finished in green
brass..
Cousin "Biil's" manners were as
Informal as his raiment. lie made
the Edwards family feel at home at
once. He put his feet on the library
table. insisted Oh kissing the girls
good night, and gave q performance
at the dinner table which was start
ling in the extreme. When he finally
retired tor the night the Edwards
family heaved collective sigh of re-
lief aud apprehension.
go, WE'LL" said Mr.. Edwards, cheer
fully, cit will ouly take few months
in the city to civilize him. He'll he
different fellow within six weeks"
With this slight ray OF hope ting
ing the black horizon of their fears
Mrs. Edwards and the girls went to
bed, only to dream of Cousin "Bill"
chewing tobacco III the drawing-room
aud kicking over the Sevres vases
with his cOwhide boots.
At the end of a month "BilP'
showed no signs Of improvement
that were visible to the naked eye
Mr.. Edwards brought home most en-
couraging reports of his progress in
a business way. lie had practically
taken charge of the shipping depart
ment at the store and displayed much
ability in handling the packers and
getting the goods out on time. ln-
cidentally he had clicked" big
truckman who objected to his way
doing business. But SO far as his
personal appearance went "Bill'' was
stiil incorrigible. lie shaved when
his whiskers intcrfered with his
sleeping soundly, he never blacked
his boots, and stuck TO his peculiar
clothes with devotion worthy Of q
porous plaster. Through it oil he
maintained the calm aud cheerful un-
consciousness of al infant, while the
rest of tue family suffered in silence.
Finally Mr.. Edwards took it upon
himself to give the young man some
good advice. lie began by compli-
menting him upon the progress he
had made at the store, went on to
suggest that these new responsibili-
ties made it necessary for him to live
up to the position in the way of dress
and personal appearance. "Bill" lis
tened to it all in silence, and thanked
Mr.. Edwards for his kindness. The
Edwards girls backed up their fathers
appeal bp marking such proverbs ss
aclothes make the man" and leaving
them about where "Bill' wonld be
sure to see them. In spite of all
their efforts there was no improve