Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1900-07-26

"Come, Bobby, tell us which you ID IS
best-your ma or me- mo, you dOasssi
pa; I'm a middle-of- the-roader." q
"Dicky, if you were polite you woS@
get up and offer that lady your Sea-
'.But, pa, she's too big for my seat;ga
better offer her yours" 2,
A 5-year-old boy in writing to his "a
sent father said: you just ought d
see my puppy, papa! He is gettI
bigger every day--and sometimes tw !
a day"
A title four-year-old occupied an d
per berth in the sleeping car. Awake
ing once in the middle of the night I'D
mother asked him if he knew where 1
was. "Tourse do" he replied; IN
in the top drawer
1t was late. Suddenly a voice fro
the head of the stairs broke the ST
ness. "GraceY what is it, papa'
''Tell that young fellow not to knot
over the milk pitcher on his way out
Syracuse Herald.
Old Lady Geading newspaper
declare! The poor fellow arrested ya
terday is deaf" Listener-"How
you know?" Old Lady-"Why. it say
here that he is expected to have b
hearin' next week"
Tommy" said his mother, "ca1
you amuse your baby brother fl
awhile?" "Yes'm.'' answered Tor
my; eff you'll hold him up at the vii
dow, I'll get the boys to come and pls
in front Of the house."
Mrs. Neighbors-'I advertised for
plain cook last week. but didn't n
ceive single reply" Mrs. Nextdoor
''Take my advice and advertise for
good-looking kitchen lady, and you
be overrun with applications"
Old Gentleman guess you don
like to go to school, my little man,
you?" Small Boy-"I don't mind
goin' and l don't mind de comm. II
de staying dere in between dat jal
me."-Philadelphia Record.
$50 long as mother is willing that
should marry YOU" said the swe
thing, papa can be easily won over
"Er-an-do the women folk alway
rule in your family?" asked the youn
an.-Philadelphia North American.
Farmer Meddlers-"Wh your So
Hiram goin' to do when he gets throug
college?" Farmer Corntossel-"He
goin' ter stay right here on the far
till he sorter begins to realize TIL
there's one or two things he don
know
Visitor-"Is your father at home
Little Daughter-"What is your nam
please" Visitor-'Just tell him it
his old friend, Bill" Little Daughter
''Then he isn't in l heard him II
mamma if any bills came he wasn't
home"
Teacher-"You cannot tell me Il
year the battle Of Waterloo w
fought? Why, you must have hea
me tell the class yesterday" Pupil
eyes, but mother told me l mustn't I
peat everything / heard" -Bostt
Transcript.
The Collector-"Here it is Tuesdi
and you haven't paid a cent on tn
watch. You promised to have Il
money for me Saturday." The Your
Maxwell, it is only Friday by Il
watch 1t is that much India
apolis News.
Featherstone-"What keeps your 81
ter so long, Willie?" Her awful lit
brother She's putting on the fine
clothes she has" Featherstone
whats that fora" Her awful lit
brother-"She said she was going
land you tonight if it could be DONE"
Tid-Bits.
Sunday School Teacher-"Oh "
bad boy. Doesn't your papa punt:
you for telling stories?' Willie-"N
ma'am, not often" Sunday Soho
Teacher-"He doesn't?" Willie-"N
ma'am. I'm too foxy to let him kett
me more'n about onct a week. Phil
delphia Press.
Johnny, if you substract one fro
one, how many remains?' asked Il
teacher of a small pupil. "One," a
swered Johnny. NO" replied Il
teacher, zone from one leaves nothing
"Well." replied the youthful philo
opher, eff you substract one apple fro
one plate isn't there one plate left?''
"Don't you want to hire a porter
Yes" whats de job payin'?' SIS
dollars a week" "I'll take it,; "Yo1
Why, boy, you're not half lar
enough" 81 know it, but I've got
big brother what's strong and hair
got no head fur business. You pa
me de sal an gifts him to do de wor
See?"
School Examiner Ome of o
greatest discoveries, my young frien(
have been made by simple means. Y
have all heard the story Of how Be
jamin Franklin went out in the sto1
and caught the lightning?" Prodigy
''Yes, an l heard you tell pa this MOI
~ tl,o+ x,n11 oo11rht thrnIar whey, W