The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-02-17
Poking Fun at the Style of War
Correspondents.
The FRIGHTFUL BATTLE OF BELMONT
A Thrilling Story of valor by
the Daily Fake.

MIR. Joseph Smith, a witty member
OF the Amcrican-Irisll Historical So
clcty, residing in Lowell, Mass, has
published the following burlesquc in the
Boston Pilot on the style of the British
war correspondents, ACCOMMODATING
General Butler on the rocky road to
Ladysmitl:
England still faces the world with
stern visagc and grim determination;
she is prepared to face all odds, even
four Brtons to one Bocr, to attain the
ends OF civilization Butler, the silent,
relentless Butler, hurled his heroic
army-thc flower OF the world the ever
victorious British army-at the imprcg-
nablc works OF the Transvaal rebels on
the Tugela yesterday. He did not ex-
pect TO succeed, and his soldicrly &C.
MUS discounted the results 1t was an
exhibition of valor such as the world
has not witnessed since the Coldsrcam
Guards stormcd Paddy Hagcrty's house
in Ballinamucll. The British infantry
swept forward like a relentless torrent.
only to find the Tugcla river between
them and their foe. They could not
swim-tllank God, Our soldiers are not
taught to swim-tlcy had no life belts
on. and somebody had moved the
bridge; doubtless Irish traitors in the
pay Of the foe When will our stupid
war department learn to supply our SOL
diers with bridges, good, waterproof
bridges. such as every Prussian soldier
carries?
Our brave fellows stood on the bank
OF the river while the trcachcrous foe
fired on them, They lay down, sat
down, fell down, rolled down, and
hurled shot and shell at the cntrcnchcd
foe 1t was only when we reached the
river that VIC learned that the Beers
were cntrcncl1cd. Somebody blundcrcd
again; a little forcthought and the river
might have been removed Ncvcrthc-
less our men grittcd their teeth, while
the rcgimental band played "Annic
Laurie" Tears rolled down Colonel
Observation-Disclosures checks as
he said "Boys, don't blame me; didn't
know they had rivers in this cursed
country. We have come to conquer,
not to wade"
Those were his last official words, for
Il solid shot from a 16-inch dynamite
gun knocked his head off, which rolled
into the river. Before it sank the head
sang God Save the Queen" His SOL
dicrs swore to avengc him.
Meantime our naval guns were Great
ing havoc with lydditc shells, and the
Bocr trenches we're filled with blood
the red streams running over the edges
OF the Notifications. A reliable Kafir
states that 300 men we're drowned in
the blood 1t was horrible, awful; but
British, prestige must be maintained.
Then the rumbling sound OF distant
thunder was heard; we thought it was
the rctrcating Bocrs, but it was Longs
field batteries rushing to our rescue.
Gallant Long! Lingering Long! The
Long expected rescue had come Our
men at last dcsistcd from the slaughter
of the foe to raise their heads. 1t was
Long dead sure. Long live Long!
His gallant artillcrymen swung into
action as only British artillerymen can
swing; then unlimbcring their guns
these splendid Antrim Anglo o-Saxons,
their Bcrsckcr blood jumping in their
veins, opened death and hell on their
rusil1animous enemy, while the band
brayed dchantly: "If you amt got any
money you needn't come around"
It was Il heroic sight a scene such as
has never been produced on the Adclpli
stage; Europe was agnast; Asia shud
dcrcd and the usurpcr in Pretoria trem-
b'ingiy muttcred "Oh. | don't know"
Then all the trcaci,crous instincts of the
lowdown Airikandcr were aroused. In
the teeth OF international law and the
Hague agreement, and contrary to act
OF parliament, the republicans crept out
OF the ravincs and spruits and kopjes
like snakes and hurled hail of lead on
the artillery horses, Staying them re-
morsclcssly, The noble animals died
singing God Save the Queen" The
horror OF the outrage held the gallant
iartillerymen spcllbound, and they were
shot down before they could run away.
! Undismayed through it all, Colonel