The Republican., 1900-08-30
Mr.. JObSOn'S Vacation
HHEN Mr.. Jobson returned with
WV Mrs InhSnn from the seaside

HTHEN Mr.. Jobson returned with
wv Mrs. Jobson from the seaside
last summer he stood forth and de-
clared himself on the subject of sum-
mer trips.
This is the last" he announced
''No more of these idiotic hot-weather
jaunts for me. l haven't been COM
Portable minute since | left home.
Washington's a pretty good place to
live in. 1t suits me winter and sum-
mer, and the next time l let anybody
drag me away from my own home for
a month or six weeks during the siz-
zling weather, the one that does the
dragging-he or she-is going to be
told few things. / didn't want to go
in the first"
"Why," put in Mrs. Jobson, "you
know that you were talking about 60
ing to the beach with anticipation for
weeks before We"
mo, 1 wasn't, Mrs. Jobson,'' inter
rupted Mr.. Jobsou. 81 didn't any
more want to go to the beach than I
wanted to go to jail, and you're evil
IDENTITY suffering from an atrophied
memory when you say otherwise. 1
wanted to stay home and be com
Portable, but l was wheedled and BAN.
boozled and coddled into kiting OFF with
you to a swarming, teeming summer
resort, where l had to sit on a red hot
hotel porch and talk pretty to lot of
people that l had nothing in common
with and that probably despised me in
their inmost souls. and where | had to
founder around in ice-cold sea water
every day because all the rest of the
gang did it, and where / had to go
alcIg on cruises in sailboats and get
sick every time you nodded to me that
you wanted to go, and where l didn't
get proper meal of victuals during
my entire stay, and where / had to
push you aroun9 in a perambulator
and look as if l liked it, just because
all the other imbeciles down there
with strong, healthy, 1OO-pound wives
perambulate their wives, and where l
felt in general like salt mackerel in
the bottom of barrel. It's taken me
a good many years to get this home
together, and"
''Well, l am sure I would be per-
fectly content to remain at home all
the year around" said Mrs. Jobson.
-Don't you remember that | suggested
last spring that we remain at home
this year and get new porcelain
bathtub instead of spenalng the
money for a trip, and have the house
painted all over. and get a new chif-
fonier and a modern refrigerator"
''You have gifted Imagination,
Mrs. Jobson," said Mr.. Jobson. Its
wonder to me that you didn't take to
the writing of fiction in early life I'd
like to accommodate you by remem-
bering all that, but my memory isn't
as elastic as it might be convenient for
you to have it. 1 do remember, how
ever, that you began to tinker with
material for new bathing suit as
early as the month of March. and that
you began to read the seaside adver-
tisements in the Star paper before the
lilacs began to show up on the mar
ket stands, and that you began to get
letters from hotel keepers down at
the beach, in respoRse to your secret
inquiries as to terms, long before the
month of May dragged to it's close,
and that when the first hot day in
June happened alongyou began to pant
and to look wistful and to remark that
you'd never suffered so much from the
heat before, and to tell me that you
thought ] needed g change and the
salt air badly, and so on
Didn't you say two weeks before
we started that you pitied folks that
had to remain in the boiling city all
summer, and"
Boiling city, Mrs. Jobson?" ex-
claimed Mr.. Jobson. "You never
heard me make use of such term in
your life with reference to Washing
ton. All this talk about Washington
being a hot city in the summer is
moonshine. It's cool enough for me,
anyhow, and the next time you COM
mence to look wistful before the sum
mer's half hegun, I'll send you to the
seaside, all right, but I'll stay at home
myself. I've had all the summer re-
sorting l want in mine"
This was the way Mr.. Jobson de-
clared himself upon his return from
the seaside last year. 1t may be re-
marked that, in attributing to Mrs.
Jobson wild, understandable desire to
90 to the beach. Mr.. Jobson was, as