The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-01-07
FOR FEMININE READERS
sATIRICAL RULES FOR LETTER
WRITING THAT MANY FOLLOW.
The Unreasonable Prejudice Against
stepmothers-Caioni Cory Cor
ners-Afternoon Tea.

writer IN Self-culture Magazine tells In
q satirical way ''how to write a letter."
the method indicated being that too often
practlced by careless women.
in the first place." she says. put it off
as long as possible Wait until your in
terest in your friends letter has evapo-
rated and you have mislaid the same and
partially forgotten it's contents. Make it
very apparent that nothing but stern duty
drives you to the task. Take any paper
you may happen to have. If the envelope
doesn't match don't let trife like that
deter you. If there is no pale ink at your
disposal a pencil will do. Write first hori-
zontally and then perpendicularly, and let
your pen wander to any page il may fancy.
Spell a few words wrong to show that you
are no pedant; you cannot be expected to
be walking dictionary. Blots may be &C
complished incidentally to indicate careless
ease, and a smudge is so pretty. Ignore all
punctuation marks except the dash, and
use that freely. When you are conscious
OF poverty Of thought underline that part.
II you make a joke an exclamation point
will prevent its being overlooked.
when you write a business letter to a
commend yourself to his notice. Never
keep to the point. Perhaps there isn't any,
Indulge in lengthy digressions and explain
everything fully. For all you know the
person addressed may not have the aver
age amount Of intelligence. Make assur-
ance doubly sure by a good deal of repeti-
ton.
Sign yourself by some nickname, and
whatever else you do, take it for granted
that the reader is a seer who can tell by
the very way you cross your It's whether
you are Miss or Mrs You may have
had occasion to write to this man before
He Of course. has your address. 1t would
be deplorable waste of ink to give it
again
Now as to the matter of friendly let
ter. 1t will be well to fill the first page
or two with apologies for delay. Insinuate
that you have more to do than other peo-
pie and that your correspondents occupa-
uons are trifing in comparison. Do not
waste any time in arranging your
thoughts. In fact, you need not have any
thoughts Pull at the tangled skein of life
by any end that comes uppermost.
"Be sure to describe your ailments In de-
tail Disease is interesting. Then unload
your worries. What is a friend for If not
TO bestow sympathy upon US? If anything
cheerful presents itself to your mind. cut
that short.
II strongly advise that you give not one
moments thought to the desires of the abb
sent one. Do not ask yourself what she
wishes to hear True, her letter to you
might be some guide. but that may have
been merely the reflection Of a passing
mood. Neither should you mediate on her
character, unless IL Is I'm order TO produce
a happy contrast II she likes books you
can write of children. Is she always inter-
ested in dress? Then describe your house
plants. Should she not be above a little
innocent gossip you might quote something
about ancient Rome. In pursuing this
course you will not be alone in the world,
for Ii Is rarely indeed that any one studies
the tastes of a correspondent.
1T is not nearly SO important that your
friend should know your opinion of the
marked article which she sent you as that
she should be made absolutely certain
whether 1t came on Thursday or Friday.
Never study variety or think what kind
of a letter you sent last in this direction.
Why should you?
do not insult the others intuitions by
answering any of her questions. Indeed.
you might as we'll leave her in doubt
whether her last letter was received. Re-
duce the connecting links and the common
interests to their smallest proportions. Or,
If you prefer, manifest your interest In her
affairs by repeating nearly every word she
has written, in order to add common
place comment. 1t will save you from
thinking up anything new for her enter
tainment.
IF you have anything 1T particularly con-
Germs your friend to know, mention 1t brief
ly at the last, and say you would write
more about that If you had time.
These directions, faithfully followed, will
doubtless soon save you from the nuisance
of writing letters. If otherwise, one is
tempted to think that your friend deserves
all you have given her."