The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-11-11
BY F. p. DUNE.

"Well, sir" said Mr. Dooley, now
Hhat tn campaings over an they'se less
Cah on me tire to administher slugs Nv
GtfinkS an & 3lIytcal economy to me
friends an counthrymen, I'm goin' to
raySume me r-readin'. I've laid In a
stock IN historical rOmances an feel as
though l waB Twin back two hundred
years with a. soord in me hand, a row fv
tucks on me pants an me face full tv
OIffamilyar %urruds. Bodzooks, 1 do,
HinniSsey"
whats q. historical novel;" Mr.. Hin
missy asked
eMarry come off," said Mr.. Dooley
''pon't We know? Todslones, if I had me
Cleaver on tn bar [ wud smack thee FIR
Il 1ham-heade5 fluke. Idzims, 1 wud.
Odswound3, egad, TIL, wench speeks tn
ahruth.''
Mr. Hennessy moved cautiously away
and measured the distance to the door,
but Mr4z Dooley's fit was over He smiled
proudly and resumed his ordinary speech.
'Th historical romance is a story, Hin
missy, about something that didn't hap.
pen befure We was BORN. A few years
ago. Hogan that does most " me-
T-readin', was hurtin' his eyes over what
he called reelism. That's where a mod
est SEWN machine marries a rayspict-
able grocery store, an they talk f'r tn
I-rest iV tn book about who shall wind
tn clock Hogan says they was. a,
TeYulsion again this sort iv thing. It
came with prosperity. Durin' hard
times peoples r-read about Dinnis comm
&ome at night an THROWN a plate iv
H%arrumed-over mutton at TIL wife an
they'd eXclaim: 'Gr-reat Hiyens, how
fhrue to nature But whn people begun
to ret dividends firm tn busted banks,
an pay day become less jerkey an. fr-.
regular, they had to have taste iy rale
~ n
IN. lis me opinyion. Hinnissy, an give
1t TT what tits worth an no more that,
railroads an tillygrafts has kilt q INV
kind " modilern romance. s In tn OF
days Whin people had to go about in
dhTays an if a man whit as far as TIL
eighth ward he carrid a thrunk, took ut
an accident policy an was pursood to TIL
stage be his weepin' wife an childer,
twas alsy enough to get UP excitement
dn7 story. Romance was like tn milk
slckness-alWays in tn mex county. All
a man had to do whin he wanted to pull
on dool was to lo-cate it in Hammond:
lnJyanny, an I'd believe it. If he wrote
at about Ar-rchey Rood, I'd tillyphone to
tn mad-hOuse. [ always want to believe
Ethrange things an tn only thing that
preVlnts is they don't seem probable.
Nowadays most people knows as much
about Hoochoo, tn capital iv Blewchoo-
choo, as 1 know about tn gas house dis
Thrlet an that's all there is to be
knowed. So If a man locates a romance
in Reoshya5- tn first la-ad that r-readx
attn say: Rats, they cuddent be amy
elepemint in Rooshya because whin was
there las month sellin' SEWN machines.
eiopers was find eighteen thousan' ko-
Qecks. Or, Revolution in Afghanoostan.'
Don't tell me that II there was me
cousin Cholly, that's our agent at BIN
Ding, wud've let us know Ye see, Hin
missy, a romance is what happens to
people We don't know an can't guess. So
nm games over now. TIL polls have kilt
st.
But people have got to have thin,
so IN ronancecers pushes III story back
few hundred years. I niver cud think
~ George Wash'nton without knee
breeches. a coat with tails onto 1t
an his hair done up with a rat in front
an braid behind. Don't We tell me he
liver wore night shirt an hung his wig
or tn *bacIo iv a chair. know he whit
TO bed in thin clothes, with tn consti-
tootion iv tn United States in his hand
an soord at his side. Poor Mrs.
W'aShn ton!
well anyhow, with tn time far