Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1900-01-23

saw you Kissing my 0aughter.
don's like it, sir" Then you don't
know what's good, slr.''-Life.
whats the difference between foot
bah and WARP" Football is war with
out any human object in view.-Ex.
Teacher (angrily) Why dent you an.
swer my question, Bobby? His broth
er Tommy answering for him.
Please, sir, he's got a peppermint in
his speech-Tit-B Bits.
Miss Thirty-smith (severelyl-A man
should never call on girl after drink
ing. Jack Swift Carbohydrates a
fact. Many a man has become engaged
in just that way.-Puck.
Fuddy-You call money stamps"
leon't you? Duddy-And money is cur
rency. So ! suppose when you speak
of an elastic currency you refer to rub.
Der stamps-Boston Transcript
Didn't move him: well, did the boss
give you raise?' NO." Not even
when you told Inn you had grown gray
in his service?' mo. Gave me the
name of a good hair-dye Puck.
Mr.. Snell-What are you crying for.
Elsie? His little daughter-l've just
read that the diamond mines may be
exhausted in seven years, and it's eight
before my coming out.-Jewelers'
Weekly.
''From what / hear, Mr.. Earnestly.
that son of yours at college is little
fast" "A little faStw repeated the old
man disdainfully. HE holds the anna
teur record as a 1Clyard sprinter."-
Detroit Free Press.
Wallace-There is nothing like matri-
>mony to make a man appreciate the
value of money. Ferry-Thatls so. A
dollar a man gives TO his wife does
look bigger to him than any other dol
lar.-Cincinnatl Enquirer.
Uncle Hiram-What kind err thing is
that that woman's got on her neck.
Mandy? His niece-That's a chinchil-
la collar, uncle. Uncle Hiram-Chin--
chiller, hey? want to knowl Blessed
If l didn't think twas chin-warmer.
Bazaar.
"How still they are" remarked Mrs.
Fogg, apropos of the young couple in
the next room. YES" replied Mr..
Fogg, lit reminds me of my army days.
1t was always wonderfully quiet just
previous to an engagement" Boston
Transcript.
Diplomacy: Mrs Neighbors-I adj
vertised for plain cook last week, but
didn't receive single reply. Mrs.
Nextdoor-Take my advice and adver-
tise for a good-looking kitchen lady.
and you'll be overrun with aplica-
tions.-Chicago News.
$50 our friend is going to leave poll
tics?" HE is" answered Senator Sor-
ghum, "if he knows what's good for
him." 1T is too bad to lose him; he
was such an accomplished wire-pull-
err" Eyes; but he got hold Of live
wire Washington Star.
ooh, Tom?' exclaimed the bride of
six months, what do you think?
Mother says she wants her body ere
mated" "She does, o. said the hus-
band; "well, tell her to get ready. and
I'll take her over to the crematory the
first thing in the morning. Elk.
Young lady Ito married sster)-Do
tell me an appropriate present TO give
new baby. Married sster-I know
just the thng--these little ieweled
safety-pins. Baby, darling. had one
given him six months ago and have
worn 1t ever since.-Harlem Life.
What did Noah live on when the
food had subsidized and his provisions
in the ark were exhausted?" asked a
| Washington Sunday school teacher of
her class. 81 know" squeaked n little
girl, after the others had given up.
well, what? inquired the teacher.
DRY land"
Its Beauty Departed: Wife crushing
toward shop window)-Oh look here!
Husband-Well, / declared There is
one of the tete-a-tete lamps you were
admring at Mrs. De Styles Wife
suddenly stopping Horros! It's
marked "Only two dollars. New
York Weekly.
Grigson-Excuse me. Mltwin. but
why is it that people of your name are
generally such COMPOUNDED bores? Nit
win-I don't snow. How many persons
of my name did you ever know? Orig
son-By George! come to think OF 1t.
you are the only one | ever knew.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
you see, 1t was this way: They were
all three so dead in love with her and
all SO eligible that to settle the matter
she agreed to marry the one who should
guess the nearest to her age" "And
did sheY 81 don't know. ] know that
she married the one that guessed the
lowest" Parsons Weekly.
speaking of Cuban uprisings and in
surrectlons,' said Wallace, Il shall new
er forget one that occurred twenty
years ago" Were you PRESENT. asked
Ferry "Very much so. 1t happened
about five minutes after | had lighted
one of my f4ther's big black Havana
cigars. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Asking too much: American girl
And if l marry you will live in an old
English castle, with turrets and bat
Elements, famed in song and story?
English Lord Yes, you shall. Amerl-
can girl-And will you introduce me to
the Prince of Wales set? English
Lord-U -er-not until | begin to
get tired of you.-New York Weekly.
A burst of generosity: II hear" said
the crusty old gentleman. that there
are some violins so valuable that no.
body thinks Of playing on them"
Yes. / saw one in a museum. replied
his wife. Il wonder If couldn't buy
one and trade It to the young man next
door for the fiddle that he has been
using for the last six months. Wash
ington Star.