The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1900-04-12
TALES TOO BADLY TRUE.
TOLD ny col. LAMAR F0NTAINE
WHO HAD NOT TINE TO TRIM
THEM.

n MchSaEC ~ At NHtAH-
burg-Quick Work with "A Gum.
The Fish in the Jug.-WOn $1,000
on n Peace of Sunshine-BiH, the
Loving, jealous BnttIer.
Jackson. Miss. Letter in New York Sun.
The Sun contained a story recently in
reference TO Lamar Fontaine. the cele-
brated improvisatore of the lowlands 1t
did not do him entire justice. His abilities
have never gained the recognition they
deserve. His fame Is confined to acqualnt-
ances and to newspapers. He should be
internationally known, and when he is
dead, grateful countrymen ought to build
him a monument massive and sky-reach-
ing. The lamented Joe Mutation, crea-
tor of the Williams ranch aerollte, weight
thrifty odd tons. was something of a ge-
MUS. The fellow who, in 1891 had every
body In the United States rubber-necklng
for airships after dark earned some credit.
Compared with Fontaine, however, these
two were as so cents to the national debt.
They were amateurs, rough and crude.
Fontaine is a professional, smooth con
vincing and moving. He is so years old
and for seventy of these eighty years has
abilities, it is but natural that he has at
tanned almost TO superhuman skill. Many
years ago he was TO blame for absorbing
the credit of "All Quiet Along the Poto-
mac Tonight" but that time is long past,
and Beers of Philadelphia son of the real
author, ought not to write him any more
ecathing letters. For at least two decades
Fontaine has believed himself to be the
author, and he is honest in asserting his
title to the poem. He can no more be
talked out of this deusion than his head
can be talked off, and the man who starts
in to talk his head off will wind up with
both lungs gone and Fontaine just getting
into bis swing. 1t is characteristic Of him
that when he has made a statement sew
eral times he believes 1t earnestly. Col.
Jeems WINS, the Tall Walnut of the va
ZOO says of him: "Col. Fontaine dreams a
story, tells it at breakfast and by the time
the horn blows for dinner he knows IL is
So
Here are some of the stories, just as they
came from himself. and he stands ready 10
make a sieve OF any man who questions
their utter correctness. He says of them
himself that they are too badly true. and
II he had time he would ornament them:
when Gen. Grant had Pemberton coop
ed up in Vicksburg it became highly nee
essary that we should communicate with
him and let him know that the eyes of
MS country was Oh MIN anu IpdL we
was cheering of him. He was $50 miles
above the town and between Ills and it
was a heh's mint of Yankee gunboats.
They was tearing up'n down the river all
day an night chompin' tina wattah and
snortin' like hippotamuses. I volun-
tered for the DUTY and this how I did
done it: / stuck the letter to PemDer-
ton in my shirt and swum out in the
stream about dark, and waited for one of
them dinged gunboats 10 come along.
Them days l could swim for twenty-four
hours and never feel it. About midnight
one come tearing down. AS she went by
me 1 grabbed the gunnel, a foot above
the water and hung on She was gon'
fifteen miles an hour and my laigs floated
on the surface, but it made no difference.
All the way down our boys was shootn'
at her from beth banks and that made 1t
interesting for me. one bullet hit the hand
by which l was hodin' on-here is the
scar now--but l nevah lost my hold. We
was just ten hours maxim the run. When
we hit the upper aidge of Vfcksburg, /
swum ashore, banded over my letter to
the General went into the wattah agin,
went through the Yankee fleet and
brought up fifty miles below. l got the
thanks of the Confedrt Congress for
that. but the records was burned"
zone time I was walking through the
woods up in the Yazoo country with my
shotgun on my shoulder. 1t was 10 o'clock
at night and darkern the inside of a
cow. Suddenly l heard close by me the
deadly rattle of snake. 1 knew that
In another minute l would be a dead
man. brought my gun down. fired one
barrel in the direction l supposed the
snake to be, saw him killed by the flash
of the powder and before it died out
killed him with the other barrel I'm pref
ty fast with a gun.
"Fishin' in the YaZOO is good sometimes
and bad sometimes, but there is always
catfish. l was after 'em once. There had
been heavy rain, the river was bank
full and I was usin' hand line. Sudden
iy felt slight tug and began to draw
in. The fish pulled heavy for a light bit
er, but I hauled away. When l got
my hook to the bank, on the end of it
was nothin' in the world but a stone Jug
about two-gallon size. The hook was
down in the jug. I broke the thing 10
get the hook out and when ! did so I'M
covered a gaspergoo that must have
weighed five pounds That fish got into
the jug when it was little and staid in
until it was too big to get out. The mouth
of the jug was upstream and it lived
on such food as drlfted in"
'I'm a surveyor by trade and I don't
lift my hat to any man that ever carried
a chain. Once I was engaged to survey
an enormous body of land in Western
Texas. 1t was an old Spanish grant and
the deed said that a grindstone had been
used to mark one of the corners. That
was 200 years ago. Well got my bearin's
and started out. / surveyed twenty-six
miles north by northeast, thirty-one miles
east by southeast eighteen miles south
by southwest, twenty-six miles west by
northwest and thirty-one miles north by
northwest by north. When l got to the
end ! said to the hagman: This is it,
Strike your pole here He struck it in
hard and 1t went through the hole in the
center of the grindstone that was then
a foot underground. We dug a hole to set
a post in and there was the stone.
AFTER the war / didn't have any too
much money and went out West where,
in a little while, l had less. 1t was in Sill
yer City n. M, that this happened. The
town was just started. There was black
smith shop, a supply store, eight saloons
and a hotel ] had $ll25. l got a drink
with the quarter and went into place
where they were dealn faro. 1t was only
a one-roomed shack, built of boards set
straight on end. Here ana there the sun