Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-08-12
MR.. DO0LEY ON THE
FUTURE IN CHINA.
BY #. =. DUNE.
Copyright, 1909

BE tn time tn Chinese gets
through with this here job O. theirs"
said Mr.. Dooley, they'll know thing
or two about good manners an Chris
tyan idees."
They need thim,' said Mr.. Hen
messy.
They do So said Mr.. Dooly AN
they'll get thlm. By an by tn allied
forces will proceed to Pekin. 1t may
not be in ye'er life time or in mine or
in tn life time iv tn MINISTER'S, Hin
Missy. They ARE in no hurry. TIL
MINISTER'S ARE as comfortable as they
can be on dite iv polo ponies an
bamboo an they have exercise enough
dodgin' cannon balls to have no fear
~ indygisthion. They'se no need of
haste. TIL allied forces must take no
step forward while wan ARMED foe
survives. 1t was rayported last week
that h advance had begun, but on
sindln' out scouts twas discovered
that til asphalt road to tn capital was
not r-ready an the gallant soerj boys
was afraid to risk their beecycles on
a defective pavement. Thin tn parlor
cars ordered be tn Roosian admiral
has not arrived an wan iv tn Frinch
gin'rals lost an omelette, or whativer
It's they wear on their shoulders, an
won't bulge till it can be replaced
firm Pahrs. A sthrong corps iv min
ers an sappers has gone ahead FIR to
locate good RESTRAINTS on tn line iv
march, but tn weather is cloudy an
tn silk umbrellys haven't arrived, an
they'se supposed to be four hundred
millyon Chfnymen with pinwheels an
Roman candles blockin tn way, so tn
advance has been postponed indifnte-
ly. Tn American forces Is r-ready
f'r to start Immediately, but they ar-re
not there yet. Tn British gin'ral is
waitin' FIR tn Victorya cross befure
he does anything, an tn Japanese an
tn Rocshan is dancin' I'D an down
sayin', 'Afther you, me boy
But afther awhile, whin tn frost is
on tn pumpkin an tn corn Is in tn
shock, whin tn roads has been re-
paired, an iv'ry gin'ral's lookin' his
best, an in no danger iv a cold on tn
chist, they'll prance away. An whin
they get TO tn city iv Pekin a fine cilly-
bration is planned be tn mission ries.
l see tn programme in tn pa-aper;
First day, 10 a. m, prapers be tn allied
mission 'ries; ! p. m, massacre iv tn
impress an rifle family; sicond doy. 10
a. M, scatthrin' iv remains iv former
kings; II a. M, dissertation iv graves
gin 'rally; 2 p. m, massacre iv all
gin'rals an coort officials; third day.
IL noon, burnin' iv Pekin; foorth day,
gran poplar massacre an division iv
territ'ry, tn cillybration to close with
a roughan' tumble fight among tn
allies.
" Twill be a great occasion, Hin
Missy, an bedad I'd like TO be there to
see it. 1e can't go too strong again th'
Chinee. Me frind. tn impror iv Gar
many. put it right. Brave boys says
he, we ARE goin' out now, he says,
f'r to carry tn light " Christianity,
he says. an tn teachin's iv tn Garman
Michael he says, to tn benighted hay
then beyant, he says. Me an Mike is
watchin' We, he says, an we ixpict We
to do yeer duty he says. Through
vile Chinee with me mailed fist he
says.
This is no six-ounce glove fight, but
demands lunch hook done up in eight
inch armorplate," he says. 'Whin ye
get among tn Chineee," he says. ray
mimber that We ARE tn van guard iv
Christianity he says, IAN stick ye'er
baynet through ivry hated infdel ye
see" he says an prod thin good an
hard he says. open their heads with
ye'er good Garman swords TO Eu-ropy-
an culture an refinement, he SAYS
Spare no man that wears a pigtail, ;"
he says An" he says, me an tn
Garman Michael will smile on We as We
kick tn linin' out iv IN dhragon an
plant on tn walls iv Pekin tn banner,
he says, iv tn cross, an he says tn
double cross he says. An If be
chance We shud pick up a little land be
tn way, don't lave e'er a Frinchman
or Rooshan take 1t firm We or ven feel
me SPECIAL delivery hand on tn back
iy ye'er neck in a way thatll do We no
kind iv good. Heck Garman Michael,
ne says, hook me gran'father, hook
tn penny postage fist, he says, hook
mesilf. he says. An tn Garman i'm