davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

there lived Nice Man who was in the
Garden Seed Business He said
whom and wore nose glasses, and
he was lost if he did not have an Um-
brella under his Arm. He never had
daliied with the political Buzz-Saw,
although he had Convictions on the
National Issue and had Written one
or two Open Letters on Municipal
Ownership, signed "Justitia.'
BY some chance the Bosses Singled
out the Garden Seed Man as the Vic
tim of the Off Year Sacrifice. They
did not like to see a Good Fellow stand
in the Breach and take the Gaff right
in the wish bone. If anyone had to be
handled with hooks they preferred that
it should be some Upright Outsider,
who wore Congress Caters and Yarn
Wristlets. The Nice Man who dealt in
Leeks and Early Peas seemed to meet
all the Requirements. He was Due to
get the Double Cross on General Prin-
ciples. In speaking of him they called
him The Stiff.
When they talked II over in a Wine
Room at the rear of the Pug's Olym-
pus, it was reported that the Garden
Seed Man was suspected of being a
Lily White, who seldom stood by the
Straight Ticket; who carried a little
Sack of Peppermint Lozenges, and
that he never had been Known to call
man by his first name. So they took
a vote to see if he should be butchered
to make Municipal Holiday, and a
Low Growl of Approval ran around the
Table.
Two committeeman, who carried an
overweight of Jowl and wore Canoes
a little Smaller than the Home Plate.
went up to the Garden Seed Office
and told the Nice Man that the Peo-
pie all over Town were sick with Anx-
iety to know who would be their Next
City Clerk.
If he had stopped to Count Up he
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
CURRENT poetry.
THE WORLDS CRISIS.


For the Register.
"Peace be on earth" o. Jesus Christ.
Where is the mercy Thou hast taught!
II seems the mission OF thy life,
The sinful world hath not yet caught.
'Tis seeking still the golden calf
And sacrificing lives to 1t.
How shall we answer for such waste
When at the judgment seat we SIT!
The universal brotherhood
That Thou wouldst have mankind 10 Ieei
Is turned to bitter enmity,
When we at mammon's altar kneei.
Then strife and crime and war complhe
To add their horrors to the worid,
And men forget the flag of peace.
That Thou dost so desire injured
The mind of mankind seems on hre
And burning to acquire vast wealth.,
While love and happiness, and peace
Will disappear. as If BIZ stealth
Men kill each other for their gold
And nations now for mammon f1gnt,
Forgetting all Gods higher laws,
AS they their nations honor bhght.
Will selfishness, destruction cause.
Or will the nations cease to fgnt
Ere they have lost the power to see,
And follow in our Fathers light?
Let men regain their trust in Thee,
Dear Christ, and learn Thy peaceful
ways,
Then earth will find its sin removed,
And will be blessed with joyful days.
MARTHA SHEPARD LIPPlNCOTT.
MOOreStOWn, N. j.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
BY GEORGE ABE. Copyright 1900 by Robert Howard RUSSELL

faint Cries of Fraud and then being
Sworn In.
He was out every Night with a lot
of Bag Punchers and Mayhem Special
lists, who showed him how to convert
his Ready Money into Popularity. He
was not a Slayer, SO he had 20 take
Seltzer at every Stop. He woal,e come
Home all Carbonated worse than a
Soda Fountain and with his Pockets
full of pale, dangerous looking Gu
gars that his wife had to remove from
his Clothes with a Pair of Tweezers.
Sometimes he wondered il the Other
Fellow would get any Votes at all.
The whole Body of Registered Vot-
ers seemed to be falling over each
other in their Mad Rush to get in Line
for him. Entire Families were flop
ping to his Support and working for
him stronger than an Ok. So he was
told. Two Men who sold him Tickets
to the Piano Movers Ball reported
that they had organized a Marching
Club OF 900 in the Fourth ward. In
c:dentally, they Pulled his Leg for a
Bass Drum. Then, to even up, so that
he would not run with Fiat Wheel,
they stretched out the other Leg for
a Flag to carry at the Head of the
Line
Every other Ward was organized in
the same Way. The Campaign Conn
mittee gave 1t to him Raw two or
three times a Week. They could get
him into Back Room at Headquar-
ters and pull down the Blinds and plug
Cotton in the Key Holes and Talk to
him in a Stage Whisper. What they
had to Say could have been Talked
through a Negaphone at the Street
Corner without any Harm being done,
but all this Hush Business and the
Subdued Tones are a part of the Game
Besides 1t was better TO have him In
the Back Room so they could help him
to count his Money and work the short
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
cosrEMPLATED NAVAL INCREASE.


The present Navy Department has in
contemplation very ambitious ship
building programme for submission at
the coming session Of Congress, in De-
eember. 1t was the original idea Of
the Board OF Construction to submit
plan for three battleships, four ar
1nored cruisers, and ten or twelve
smaller vessels. 1t is now reported
from Washington that this has been
changed. and that scheme is to be
formulated for Congress calling for the
construction Of six war ships of the
heaviest armor and equipment, aud
the highest possible speed, thus COM
bining the merits of battle ships and
cruisers. and in addition, twenty small
gunboats and ten torpedo boats. This
would make an addition of thirty-six
ships to the navy, and call, when in
commission, for something like five
thousand additional sailors and ma
rines The six heavy ships alone
would require three thousand men, and
involve an expenditure of nearly thirty
million dollars, but they would not, in
all probability, be completed before
1908.
Z This proposed addition to the heavy
fighting ships would bring the total
number afioat or authorized and build
ing to about twenty-three in the year
1903, and as matters now stand, would
place the United States in third place
as naval power, only exceeded by
England and France. More than thirty
thousand sailors would be required to
man this feet in time of war, and the
auxiliary feet Of GOLFERS, transports
supply ships, distilling vessels, ETC.,
would swell the gross number of be-
tween forty and fifty thousand men.
That would break all records for the
American navy, and yet it would be
small compared with the personnel of
the English navy, which now calls for
about one hundred and twenty thous-
and men, and the number is constant
ly increasing.
An interesting feature of the propos-
ed new ships is the effort to combine
the heavy fighting power of the bat
tie ship with the speed of the cruiser,
carrying comparatively light battery
and little or no protection, according
to class. If this can be accomplished,
the United Safes will have at it's dis
posal the best fighting vessels in the
world, for i heavily armored battle
ship with the mobility of light cruis-
er would be a distinct step forward,
and one which no nation has taken up
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

to this date Under present practice
BY al the maritime nations, the slow
and comparatively unwieldly battle
ship delays the movement Of fleets.
An increase In speed with no dimuni-
ton of offensive or defensive power, it
can readily be seen, would be an i'm
mense advantage. The proposed pro-
gramme may not go through, but it
possesses points of decided interest to
those conservant with naval architec-
ture and who are DESTROYS OF having
America keep its present enviable po-
sition as sea power.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
A SHOOTING sCRApE.
A Negro Badly Injured by = Chum
Near Amos--All Were Drunk.

A Negro Badly Injured by = Chum
Near Amos--All Were Drunk.
Special TO the Register
I FAIRMoNT, w. Va, November b.
News has just been received here from
Amos. this county, to the effect that
one of gang of negroes employed at
the Federal coal and coke plant at
Gray's Flats, in some manner injured
his hand yesterday while working
about the works. He, accompanied by
two OF his companions, came to Amos to
get the hand dressed at physicians
office. Each of them soon became in
toxicated after the wound had been
dressed, and each of them carried
revolver and began reckless shooting.
A 32-calibre revolver was held over the
right shoulder by one of them and he
fired two shots. One OF the shots went
wild, while the other struck one or
his companions in the abdomen. He
cannot possibly recover. Their names
are not known.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
LIFE.s DRAMA.

or the Register
Ready, now. draw up the curtain:
Stand aside, give room to pass;
Time has come to go, tbs certain
Fore the searching opera glass
All the wings with hustle rife
Running and rushing,
Crowding and pushing,
Pass we on the Stage of Life.
My part is the part that's tragic;
Yours is comedy, no doubt.
Quick the scenes must shift like
magic,
Faltering not the line pass out.
Peace, one part-2nother' STRIFE,
Sorrow and sadness,
Goodness and gladness,
All shown in the Play of Life.
Some parts minor, some few leading,
Scarce there's time to draw
breath;
Few are any others needing.
But the last scenes always Death.
Dropped, the robe. then. sheathed
the knife.
Smiling or signing.
Laughing or crying,
Pass we off the Stage of Life.
Who're the audience--the hearers?
Who are those that sit to see
The applauders or the jeerers?
They are our posterity
With our deeds. cur records rife
From dusty pages,
The future ages
Will view us on the Stage of Life.
HARRY I. LEVITT.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

would have known that not more than
% Persons had ever heard of him.
But you can always convince a Nice
Man that he IS Prominent, and if the
Ointment is properly applied and rub
bed in SO as to get all through the
System, he will think he is real Popu-
lar, too.
The Committeeman had worked the
little Ball in and out of the English
Walnuts before shifting to Politics,
and they could sit down beside a trust
ing, unsophist:cated Unitarian with an
Open-Work Mind and convince him
that Red was Yellow.
By the time they were through Pump
ing 1t into him. he was sure that if he
did not accept the Nomination, the
Lights would burn Low all over the
City and the Little Children would
moan in their Trundle Beds. So he put
on the Corrugated Brow and tried to
look like Caesar at the Lupereal and
said he would have to Knock Under
to the Universal Demand. The Com
mitteemen said they would need a
little Money right away TO get out
some Prlntlng. They did not say what
kind of Printing. but they relieved him
of enough to issue a Public Library
His Wife and her Sister and the Man
who took care of the Furnace and his
other friends heard what he was up to-
They tried to get a firm Hold on
his Coat-Ta:ls and pull him out of dan
ger, but he knew better He said the
Populace was Calling for him. No one
else heard the Call. 1t must have
come over a Private Wire.
The Man who takes the Bit in his
Teeth and starts out to try the entire
80 Degrees of Chumpery can always
find plenty of Good Excuses He said
the Campaign would advertise the
Garden Seeds and bring him into
Touch with his Fellow Man. Later on
he got into many a Touch.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
DEACON SENT TO JAIL
For Stealing Coal From an Ohio Riv-
err Railroad Car.

Special 10 the Register.
PARKERSBURG, w. Va. November 5.
Deacon ]. B. Bartlett is man OF the
highest standing in one of the local coll
ored churches, but he win not attend Di-
vine worship to-day He would like to
occupy his accustomed seat in the church,
but he cannot. A cruel Judge Of the police
court mas denied him that pleasure and
oil because the deacon happened to get
caught taking some coal from a car on
the Ohio River railroad Co to warm his
house with when he was cold The coal
has been disappearing mysteriously from
the cars for some time and last night
one OF the railroad detectives hid himself
and lay in wait under one of the cars.
The deacon drove up after 1t was quite
dark and began loading his wagon from
the car The detective arrested him and
he begged piteousiy because of his stand
ing in the church and the shame Il would
bring TO the church II he should be ar
rested for stealing. But the officer was
hard hearted as We'll as the judge and the
deacon is spending few days where he
does not need coal.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
BY F. p OuNnE. Copyright. 1900, Robert Howard Russo

right, near tn cigar case. utter a brief
prayer an find tn lead pencil. Whin
we've got it, think iv tn condition our
country is in with nobody to live in
it but people an nathin' to grow but
crops, an nawthin' to sell but goods:
think Nv tn dangers iv' tn ship iv
state bumpin' firm rock To rock like a
mountain goat; think iv Wash'nton
not bein' here. or Jefferson or amy
wan except tn Twin. It's up to We to
settle this question wanst an FIR all
again. Poor. poor Hinnissy, what a
weight is on ye'er bowed shoulders;
what cinchrses to come must be guild
ed be ye'er ability to make a mark in
tn dark with tn stub " a pencil in
Mulligan's barber shop. Countless gin
erations yet unborn as they pick up
tn mornin' pa-aper an r-read Nv an
other battle in tn Philippines, or dig
down in their pockets an find nawthin'
but silver there at thirty cints bushel
may curse or bless ye'er name"
GLORY be to him. exclaimed Mr..
Hennessey. "All I'm goin' to do it to
!
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

go 70 IN. divvle. I'm in favor " nanny
things ] haven't minfloned. I'm IN Ia
yor iy iyery body bein' rich an pros
p'rous. IN fright man gattln' tn
Fright girl III chiIaer CROWN UP
firm angels to salts. dhrinkin' without
ahrunkennesz. life without sickness.
IN 'giories ~ war without tn list Nv
casualties. tn abatemsn w funerals.
gas bills and dtst9ntlnt. But what /
favor ar wha; promise is two differ
cnt things. Not ben a poliyfician
much. though wanst vas without
akei. an havin' to live here where ye
kin throw a brick through me win
do whether I'm illcted or not. I'll
not offer 70 give ye IN things ia like
10 see ye have. bur IN things we're
SIRE 70 get. Nov ar-re sc with me7''
Sure am not. said Mr. HenneEsy.
'Ongratetul man. said Mr.. Do0ley.
s.Ye've mIssed tn chaEt to give ye'er
country prisfdlnt snch Is it nlyer
had Gawd help America II viii be
no betther on wensdah thin it was
Choosdah-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

speech is wan thing an etiquette's an
other, ye loafer. TIL questions befure
this people cannot be settled be such
ruffyanly interruptors as tn likes iv
We. They must be decided be cam,
sober statesmen Ike Turrble Tiddy an
Dreadful, Dooley, we scoundhrel. Not
another wurrud durin' this meetin'.
As l was sayin' whin I was interrupt
ed, it is FIR We to decide next Choos-
day whether tn flag Nv this country
shall be dragged in tn mire or left
to lay there; whether this country
shall take its place among tn nations
iv tn earth, or somewan else: whether
We shall wurruk at dollar an a half
a day FIR tn thrusts or FIR tn men
composin' tn thrusts. Whin We go into
tn sacred temple of American pathree-
tism in Mulligans barber shop, an
tn high priest Nv CONSTITUTIONAL rights,
Sarsfield Darsey, that was took up last
year FIR stealin' coal. hands ye' tn
ballot that makes all men free, I bid
We thrust aside with riyerent hands
tn curtains Nv tn holy cell on ye'er
=
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
ONLY A FARMERS DAUGHTER.

She was only farmers daughter, yet so
gentle and full of cheer
That somehow the heart would kindle Up
whenever she was near;
If the world held anything good and pure
you felt you had found it here,
And We're lifted UP for the moment to a
diyiner atmosphere.
When about the house she fitted twas
like sunshine through the rooms
That lighted up every corner there and
chased away the glooms;
And the low, sweet laugh she laughed set
the glad air in a swoon,
Like the cooling of wooing pigeons on q
summer afternoon. srf
Sorrow had scarcely seen her, for youth
only joy invites;
AS yet not a shadow DER her life, but
only deepened lights.
She was sweet as a summer blossom, and
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
=
Mm

Copyright, 199, Robt. Howard Russell)
. Mr.. Dooley closed the Presidential
campaign last night to a small but
interested audience of Mr.. Henaessy.
This is TIL last chanst I'll have to
admonish We befure tn iliction," said
Mr. Doolev, AN l want We to give
attintion to what / say. Next Choos-
. dah ven go to tn polls an perform
that act which, me fellow citizen, af-
Their prov.din' FIR tn family, holdin'
down a job. securin' a good nights
r-rest, loellin' out FIR tn salvation iv
yer soul, bendin' tn kitchen shtove-
pipe, batin' tn childher, pay.n' tn
rint, cuttin' TIL cards. LAWN out tn
pitcher FIR tn milkman, bringin' in tn
coal an windin' tn clock, is tn most
sacred privilege iv an American citi-
zen. How will We exercise this proud
birth-mark, me counthryman. An
swer me that.'
How ar-re We goin' to do it YER
self?' Mr.. Hennessy demanded.
Don't interrupt me. We hobo, We
bunker, We vile, ignorant voter. Free
- - 4
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
Intuitiye.

Detroit Journal
The intrepid explorer accosted the Ant
arctic Eskimo in all confidence.
You look just like the Arctic Eskimo"
said he, Out
between us" interposed the Antarctic Es-
kimo. with a loud laugh. although he had
never before come in contact with civii-
cation.
As for the explorer, his chagrin knew
no bounds upon discovering thus that this
well-known joke was quite intuitive.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

Indianapolis Press.
The Head Bookkeeper-Didn't see you
give the boss one of those new puzzles
this morning?
The Head Clerk shouldn't wonder if
you did.
"Well. it isn't in me to curry favor with
an employer like that"
II amt currying favor. you idiot. I
wanted to keep him busy don't feel like
having any extra work laid out for me to-
day
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
CONDUCTOR BADLY HURT.
Harry MundIe Knocked Down by a
Train in the Fairmont Yards.

Special to the Register.
FAIRMONT. w. Va, November B.
Harry Mundle. conductor on d yard en-
CINE in the B. & o. yard here, met with
an accident this morning that may yet
prove fatal. After he had signalled an
approaching train. performing the part OF
a brakeman. he slipped and fell as he at
tempted to step from the ground to his
engine. He was hit several severe blows
by the wheels of the tender, and partly
run over His spine is dislecated, besides
injured otherwise. He was Immediately
taken TO the home of his parents on
Washington street. No hope Is entertain
ed for his recovery. His age Is IS years.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
SHORT BITS OF FUN.



Chicago Post.
THAT ring" said the advanced woman,
indicating the wedding ring. is a sign OF
bondage"
True" admitted the young matron.
'Yet you wear it?"
Certainly. Why shouldn't L? 1t isn't
necessarily my bondage"
Then whose is it?''
well, it takes several years of married
life to find out. I'll tell you later"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
Tactical Blunder.

Chicago Tribune.
HAS Mr.. Goodcatch been to see you
lately?" asked the girl in the pale blue
tafTeta shirt waist.
Not since a week ago last night re-
piled the girl in pink. HE said our parlor
was so brilliantly lighted it hurt his
eyes"
And didn't you tell him to turn down
the gas?''
No; d.dn't think of that"
well, that's precisely where you drop
ped your watermelon"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

The detailed report of the Quarter
master General OF the Army Of the
cost of the war in the Philippines
was in the hands Of the press associa-
tons Friday, but was called back,
and will not be made public until after
the election.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

out that II would require the Official
Count to decide. They had 10 lead him
Home. He did not want TO face his
Wife. The other man was 1900 ahead
and still Running.
Instead of taking It as Joke. the
same as other People he got Sore on
Humanity in General and Joined
Third Party. that was Opposed to any
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
Making Sure.

New York Weekly.
First Lady loft for journey: Il hope
we've got the right train
Second Lady: Il asked seventeen train
mon and ninety-three passengers If this
train went to Blankville, and they all
said yes, so I guess we're all right
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

1t was surprising how the Voters rail-
lied to him. He was swamped with
Pledges of Support. When he was
Nominated he thought he had a
Chance. A week later he began to
make List of the Plums to be dis
tributed. Three days before Election
it had all the Ear-Marl3s of a Land
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
More Dangerous.

Chicago News.
'And was it etiquette that kept you
from taking the second piece of pie?"
asked the host.
NO" replied the candid youngster. sit
was papa. He had his hand all ready to
pinch the minute reached for the pie"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
An impairment Question.

Chicago Times-Herald.
What became of that uncle of yours
that you used to think so much of?'
He's dead. Died one day when he was
all alone. Nobody knows just how 1t hap
pened."
Poor old man. How did he lose his
money!
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
Not a Laboring-class Expert.

Puck.
Judge: You're professional burglar.
aren't your"
Prisoner-at-the-bar: mo, yer honor;
amt maxim no business o stealin', yer
honor. I'm a decayed gintlemun, yer
honor, an jes took 1t up as a fad"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
Calculated to Please.

Indianapolis Journal.
dolly, is your new young man intelli-
CENT?"
''Well. pa, he's just about right; he
doesn't understand politics any better
than I do"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

Yesterdays mine disaster at Philippi
was not nearly as serious as that Of
the Orrel Coal Company, at Newburg,
eleven or twelve years ago, but it was
bad enough.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
What 1t Meant.

Chicago News.
Bender. your wife says she Is prepared
to meet yon. What does that meaN"
III she shaid prepared, IL meansh she
hash FIAT iron In onesh hand. curtain pole
In osher.''
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04
Che
COPYRIGHTS

copyright, 1900 by Robert Howard
RUSSELL
Once upon time the King Pins of
Great Party decided that the City
Ticket could not be elected, so they de-
cided to recognize the Better Element.
If it had been an air-tight Cinch the
Nominations would have gone to the
Boys who do the Fine Work
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-04

victor Herbert, Conductor.
Below Is = completed list Of the guaran-
tors for the Pittsburg Orchestra concert,
Opera House. 18th December. II the read-
mess with which these names were given
may be taken as any indication of musical
Wheeling's appetite for good orchestral
concert. the house on the 18th of Decem-
Der should be bumper. Mr.. Ricci. who
has secured this splendid organization, al
most feels that he owes apologies TO many
Of the specially interested musical set,
but he could not communicate with all, and
feels that they will have their opportunity
when the tickets are ON sale.