The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-26

would break on a Wild boar OF the forest
4 'whisEered PaHdour" Or fierce hus
sar, " / would scOrn to use on a tende
female who traces her pedigree back to
"rib" / would hardly dare disturb he
waving cprls by Summer evenings lat
est sigh, that shuts the rose Ialwuy
"Iade her up tenderly,
LIT her " ith care;
Fashuned 90 sleuderly-
Young ana 80 hn!'
Now, sister, ] want to examine you
little. Don't scream so us only you
! GLACIER article that | am going to pIac
on the dlssecuug table-not you; no
darling, not youl regard you as a sec
| ond Joan Of Area hne specimen Of
female warrior What other woman Il
! Hood River would have dared to wall
On the stage, pick up Bro. " 5 4-oGAc,
| gloves thar he had thrown down in die
| gust and returned TO his corner" L
| sulk-as did Achilles, when refused tho
embrace OF the laIr captive Briseus2 (Se,
HOmer's Llad.) lie gloves were tOt
neayy for your predecessor, my dear
they DON'T lit your little delicate Inst
tour wild swings, never getting in vi
the rbs or even lett hook on the jaw
SHOW 1t. | DO not believe, cannot bU.
ileye, owing TO my respect ior the Intel.
gencc Ql my friend I'm the corner" tina,
your Wild ar beating SWINGS have even
dushed his face with crimson OF saus-
faction. | know it hasn't to any body
else. But promised to be gentle with
you. l have very tender feeling for a
woman, and | will say without causing
Jealousy III the tamliy that toUe all such
women as Paul describes in l Timothy,
2:9-l0 (turn TO it and read it, my dear
and even nov, in my old age, |, ike By
ron, wish they had one rosy mouth that
| might kiss them all, from north 10
south" 20 II you possess those eharac-
teflstics that Panl and ! 20 much adj
nire, just consider yourself kissed "at
long range" You cannot get a short
range smack FROM me till you shed those
4-ounce prohibition boxing gloves, They
are not Included in Paul's inventory oI
heavenly adornments for lady. II she
wears his sparkling jewels, dom care q
cent Whether she Is a Jewese, Mahome-
dan, Catholic, heathen, or even Y Meth
odist--Just bring her along and see me
hug her, But now to business,
Dear sister, you eyince a small shak-
ing Of the knees when you start outwlth
the hazard Of encountenng q doctor but
console yourself with the Worn-out saw,
when doctors disagree" &c, and con-
clude those who doctor the body having
disagreed on diagnosis, remedies ana
treatment, there ig good opening fer
the good old mother 10 slip in with her
bag OF herbs-her catnip tea might reach
the spot where quinlne, calOmel and
opium had Jailed. You are right there.
sister, II possible, more than right. But
has 1t never suggested itself to you that
tie advocates Of curing "their rheu-
matiz" by carrying q horse chestnut,
potato or an onion IN the tat breecAes
pocket have raised storm oi remon-
STRANGE from these who insisted these
should be putin the T$gHt back
action pocket to do any good? Do doc
tors OF DIVINITY, who are trying to keep
the slckest patient In the world alive, ali
lgree as TO just what will longest keen
breath III It's body2 The patent seems
70 be passing away with SLOW consump-
,lon, lie has Iaiien oil several tons III
ie5h since visited his bedside some ~
'eara ago. The more light Of science
he world gets the slcker tie old gentle
nan becomes, In the course of t.ne-l
ton know just now long, but some time
Il the future, the old gentleman Wlli he
gathered to the tomb o. his luther Moses. |
hu poSteuty VIII gu2e upon his en- |
'atmed remains rs l, IN 1857, revereuLl |
ooked upon the shrIyeied skin that suiil |
lung to The bones OF PlZ9rfo, the CON |
.ueror OF Peru, down in u subterraneul |
ault IN Lima, Peru, one OF the most re-
Iglous yet DIuodtMrsty saVageG That eyel |
yea The virgin SOIL with innocent blOOd |
eJ IlZarr0 Kissed % cruciIiA, received |
Atreme uncG0n, and went to glory To
oot golden horn alongside oI Duran
no was hanged with the "banehC oi
lergy." Some doctors OF divinity have
lcaled these saints IN one place, some
a warmer climate. Great IL the ms p
cry OF GUdiiness The natural man"
annot see its beauties, but to an aus-
atural man they are as clear as mud
o you see, dear sister, doctors OF oil
hades VIII differ. Now, what are we
olng to do oa0out it2 Is there any better
'ay than to use what little brains we
aVe-thlnk a little, read all SIDES with
II honest desire to reach the truth, and
4Iect all that does violence to every no
le prlnciple within US, whether it be q
rotended revelation" from some GOD
some daYil2 II we cannot do this, we
re already Sidetracked ON railroad
rat leads down to barbarisn, the throt-
es are pulled wide open, the air brakes
re removed, and down we go, til at the
'ot Of the hill our mangled remains lie
iefe to rot and stink, TIL our bones are
lthered up and hauled off in a dung
lrt by the coming race" Before the
hlstle announces ''all aboard, " / walk
ong the sides OF the "eaboose" half I
lied with the "sanctifed" crowd. |
)uca their ca0averous faces with noses :
lttened against the windows, with faces |
Ieathed in Withering scorn, which say, !
Ihank Gcd, am too good to belong to :
'e crowd outside; ] wish | had you by /
ie halr of the head long enough to pull {
~ INTO the caboose." They want a J
can bill Of health before starting on
@r downward trip. | walk into the I
GOOSE to examine them l find them G
afiileted with. monomania, harder to q
re than the bubonic plague. put my I
+ to the place where the heart ought Q
be-no systolic or other sound audible a
aept that Of the low murmurs of q {
lntly grinding giz2ard, I examine the Il
use, which indicates approaching dis {
luton, The tongue shows a terrible q
ryons prosuation bordering ON a soft Il
ing OF the brain. Abdomen exnanded c
1t needs hooping Cause, too much 3
IT OF one kind and intemperance in c
ewing eatechisms and prohibition lit L
'ture, with no sensible reading to neu- I
hZe The poison Prognosis-death at II
loot OF the hill No use foy argu- c,
'ntotl7e medicine "Ephraim is i6iD- a,
TO his idols; let him alone" Hosea ii
~ Dear sister, ii you are already on q
md this prohibition eaboose this arti- n.
is not for YOU II it falls under the ."
OF some Of our intelhgent youths and m
'yents them from gormandi2ing on d
lhlHluon and c3techiSm literature fll ~,