Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1900-02-05
THE WAR CORRESPONDENT.
An Apocryphal Episode of the Boer-Brit-
ish Struggle Reported bv Puck.


ish Struggle Reported by Puck.
"Haltw said Colonel Sir Grahame
Cholmondeley-Uarew, of the Bombay
Fusiieers, in a commanding tone.
There was no need to speak so i'm
periously. "he troops were tired
toiling up the side of the mountain,
and they would have been glad to halt
at any time within the past two hours.
But Colonel Sir Grahame Cholmonde-
ley -Carew was accustomed to com
mand, and he had acquired the nabit
of talking like that.
81 think" he said to Major Sir
Angus MacLaren Murgatroyd-Mac-
Leod, sit will be wise to send for
ward a reconnoitering party. The
Beers may have taken up position
at the base of the mountain and /
should prefer to have them try their
internal craftsmanship on a recon
noitering party"
"Just So" said the Major; sit is
yell, in this blarsted country, dinna
ye ken, to find out what ye'ra UP
against. Yell pardon the expression,
Colonel picked it up from the cor
respondent of the New York Daily
Hustler"
ST have heard of the--aw-gentle-
man." said the Colonel, "but 1 have
MT met him."
But just then wild-eyed man
clambered rapidly up the side of the
mountain.
"What the mischief does this meanp"
he said to the Colonel. s'Why stand
paltering here when the foe is before
us?"
The Colonel regarded him with a
hauteur that is seldom found outside
of novels designed for boarding school
consumption.
"Who in thunder are you?" lie in
quired.
The wild-eyed man returned the
hauteur on the spot, with sixty per
cent. interest.
''I'm the correspondent of the New
York Hustler" said he.
The Colonel, being an old Indian
campaigner, didn't lose his nerve,
though it was plainly not in the same
class with that of the correspondent.
81 must humor this maniac" he
said to himself.
Then, speaking to the correspond
ent, he said: "My friend, am to un-
derstand that you are running this
campaign"
''Sure!" said the correspondent.
''That's what the editor sent me here
for. The situation is just this.
cabled my people, yesterday, that we
were on the eve of big battle. I've
got New York excited. The people
are standing this minute in crowds, in
front of the bulletin boards, waiting
for news. I feel it in my bones that
Extra No. II is going to press. And
you halt your regiment and dare to
disappoint the readers of the Daily
Hustler!"
But" demonstrated the Colonel,
'you don't want me to lead my men to
possible slaughter. L want to recon
noiter before we attack. I take it you
are not anxious to be shot"
"That's where you're wrong" said
the wild-eyed man. ST nearly lost
my job for going through the Spanish
war without getting shot. You ought
to hear the roasting got. tried to
explain to the editor that it was the
fault of the Spaniards, but he wouldn't
listen to me. "A war correspondent
said he, should be ubiquitous, and il
he were really ubiquitous even the
Spaniards ought to be able to hit him.
Didn't the Daily Shouter man get
shot? When bullets are flying the
Hustler expects its share. We don't
insist on serious wound-a flesh
wound will debut remember that we
pay you to be ubiquitous.
SWELL" said the Colonel, "suppose
you go with the accommodating party"
"Reconnoitering party, be blowed"
said the correspondent. "What !
want is battle"
''In due time," said the Colonel,
soothingly, "but not until after we
reconnoiter
"You persist in this internal OBJ
stinacy? You decline to advance
without further delay?"
81 do, said the Colonel.
''Then listen, Sir Grahame Chol-
mondeley- Carew! L shall denounce
you to the American public as an in
competent aristocratic British asst"
The Colonel shuddered, but, by
great effort, he regained his compo.
sure, and adjusted his monocle.
"Remove this person, he said to
Tommy Atkins. And Tommy Atkins
advanced-his not to reason why, his
not to make reply-and bore the
struggling correspondent to the rear,
and deposited him on rock among
the ammunition wagons, and stood
guard over him to see that he didn't
blow up anything.