The Virginia enterprise., 1900-01-26
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

That fellow Jawlcy is Il broker, isn't
ne: yes. Has he got any money!
"1es: he's got mine. ."-Harlem Life.
:Nhrn l visit my Fifth avenue friends
heads of the house,
That's hard cn the butlers."-Life.
Itacher-'What happens when a
mans temR.e,raturr goes down as far as
1t can go!' Smart Schular-"He has
cold feet, ma'am." ."-ChriStian Register.
rlrst dorsc-"Just look at that auto
Second HorSe-"I should saw SO, Tho
clumsy beast is getting ready to roll,''-
indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. NcwroN docking at sign rco,linv
,Evangelinc. Il Tale of Aca,lic' c'O-"IIcrr'S
the vtrX thing to get Georgia. Tale of
Caddie: He's so fond Of golf, you
know. Life.
Mr.. .Jackson-"Do YOU not love tho
dreamy waltz"
Miss .!ohnson-"DarS dreams an
dreams. Mistah Jackson. Some partners
is jess like lobster dreams" "-Puck.
What. ho! Within there" shouted
tn" knight at the castle gate The war
dcr sat him up y,awning .prodigiousy.
Another man with Il ho.' said he to
his faithful varlet. indianapolis Press.
did yez fale phwin dhe lintiSt was puliin'
yure tathe:' Mc('"rry-"How did fale,
is ut? Rcdad. Oi regrittcd wild :hl m<.
hear-r-rt thot Oi wasn't born Il hen."-
Puck.
Tailcr-""Lo"k here! l have worried
myself sick over that bill of Yours.
CaSktt ,thc undertaker)-"That's all
right, Old man. If worst comes to
worst: You can tax, it out in trade
Tit-BitS
\ Schoclboy was asked how many wars
Spain had in the Fifteenth century,
Six" the boy promptly replied. Emu
merate then." said the teacher One
two, three, four. five. six. said the boy
Tit Bits.
IKE ntucky is one Of the livclic>t states
in the Union. remarked the young man.
1T is. answered Col. Stilwcl. "beyund
doubt. When | was last there every
man met wa> running for office or run
ming for his life. -Wa<hin$ton Star.
Tired TrmpkinS-"Th one jub l
wouldn't mind havin'. Horace
Hungry Horace TN umazrmtnt)-
WHAT'S that:
Tired Trnpkin< "I.inrman fer ,r
wireless telegraph cu1np'ny. Life.
Vat. YOU :f holdings fer dot monSc:
said the collector fer Il little German
band.
Not ii cent
"Den We hlay some more aind't it:
He got the mnnry.-Columhus lOl
State Journal.
Philanthrrpi>t-"Prn fellow: lcu are
doubtless a victim "f herrdity."
C"nvict-"Yrs. lady: fell over six
new ancestors that the lady had jist had
painted. an, that woke ur the whole
house. and they caught me. '-Mrlbournr
Weekly Times.
lnquiring Child-"Father. there's Il lot
in this book about O,hrllo Who was
O1hcllo:" Fa1her-"Othrllo. Why. bless
me- my boy. do you mean t" tell me yea
go to Sunday school, and don't know Il
simple thing lik. that: I'm ashamed y;
Tit Bits.
]udgc-"lou say that words passed
between the accused and his Wife. Did
v"u hear what they werr?" Witness
no. / didn't hear. them: but l SAW
them. "Saw thrm: Yes: they We're
in the dictionary that Ii. threw az her"
Boston Transcript
DE preacher give 1t out 'n Sunday
dat dev aint nu ht H. oh go long"
He did. fer Slln.. En- what lit. cun:rr-
CATION <ly?' ID, y ain't say nnthin': ,iry
hrs h;n, @ ''rA him by de- v"at ,l!ar IN ru!:
-Atlanta Constitution.
\ man who has kept account of th,,
number of kisses exchanged with his wife
during their union consents to its publ
cation as follows: First year. 3G.5OO see
ond year 1G,'tn: third year. $3.50: fourth
year: 12o: fifth year. =; He then left Of:
keeping record.-TitBits
Mistress Ito new footmanJ-'One thing
ma re. Jean. Your predecessor. whom l
have discharged. was constantly paying
attentions to the parlur maid -
Footman 'interruptinyl-"YeS. madam.
I'll take his place in that mAtter-ctr
tainly.. y..'-Fli, Stnd" Blact1rr.
There is character shown in the way
people say things"
'YeS-;nd in the way they don't say
things. Once l called girl ar! her
father came in the room. He didn't an
swer anything | said tn him for 80 long
that | got stage fright ;,n, left. DE
tr"t Free Press.
\ literal translation. according to the
Record. IF tn" puzzle. i'll the order in
which the courses came is as follows: |
R!ne points Oh the shell, soup, dcviiel
fish, tilet of beef with mushrooms. ],ota-
toes. peas. rum punch. quail on toast
cheese. lettuce and crackers. p,uI.lin"
Ice cream. cake coffee.
The Cr"k-"Sure, Oi had another row
wit the missus, an Oh dunno if she'd
lrkt me to lave or not.
Th" Maid-"She hasn't said anything
to me, Bridget
The Ccok-"B,dad: if she waited me,
I" shtay. Old lave. an if SIT" wanted mo
to lave Old Shtay. Pack.
If a man has a col nn the chiSt, gel
Cas+ys mixture f'r man an baiSt put
hlm III bed slap Il mll>tharl plHShpr OH
him that'll keep his mind employed. an
lave thin fight it out. May tn best man
win: If the patients alive in tn mornin
hell not have Strenth to ugh-'Mr |
Dooley in the LasiicS' Home journal.
An ,rchin in country parish in Scot
land. having been told by mis- parents
to read newspaper aloud to them. be-
gan to dc so in the usual drawing man.
nrr of the parish Scht'i. He had not
pre-" tdth far when his mother stopped |
him short. eXclaimins. You rascal, Hoo |
dare We read Il newspaper wi the Bible
twang!'
This is Max Rell's recipe for making
Beer: Take all that is tirtirSt, bray
est. m"St Cld-faShioncd and most OBJ
stnate i'll IL Breton: all that is most sus.
pciouS, sly and mean in IL Norman: ali |
that Is shire widest NEST ho<pitalle. most |
i'uritan and most hgoted in Il Scot-mix
we'll stir and serve" and YOU have IL Boci'.
Household Words