The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-10-26
J. = ~ - I y. : 80 =. y. 4
AL.alz]y Pike County Man
Hiram Lampaon's Attempt 10 Get
Living Easily.

i LIZ VI Ike COUu"
ty animals being famous all
over the country" said Deacon
Todgers, mo one was surprised
when the agent for. big curcus
came up here early this spring try
ing to collect five animals in general,
but with special yearning for wild
cats and bears. He offered good prices,
but the boys, knowing the difficulties
of the case, didn't take much interest
in his scheme. So everyone was sur
prised when Hiram Lampson, who has
the reputation of being the LATEST man
in the whole county, spoke up and al
lowed he would furnish the agent with
bears and wildcats enough to meet
the demands of any ten circuses.
~ amt so foolish as look said
Hiram, when I demonstrated with him.
who is the best ventriloquist in this
county,
"'You are responded. Z,
"'And who is the best mimic?' he
asked. l.. 49,. .~.s..
"'You are, Hiram Lampson,' an
swered him, impatient like. 'Andyou
are the biggest fool, too. Do you pro-
pose to give an entertainment for the
benefit of Pike county bears, and
charm them so that they will be will
ing to let you sell them to any circus
agent who happens to be in the vicin-
ity? Your undoubted talents may
amuse a Sunday school class, but they
won't carry you far along the Pike
county bear and wildcat theatrical cir
cult, which seems to be your intention
to organize
Hiram looked hurt at my flow Of
sarcasm. XII E@t Il
"'It's no wild animal vaudeville en-
tertainment I'm going to get up, dea--
CON- he said, earnestly. MY plan is
based on the understanding of wild
animal nature acquired sitting around
in the woods on warm summer days
when prejudiced observers thought I
ought to be p1owing. My muscles
weren't very busy then, to be sure, but
my intellect was working overtime
II was clean puzzled to see how Hi
ram was going to catch either bears
or wildcats by means Of yentriloquism
or mimicry. After making me prom
Use not to give his plan away, he un-
folded his scheme.
s"lsDuring. these spring months what
are Pike county animals busiest about"
he asked. .". f." '>'>.:.'''F z, ''''S'R
~" Most of them are devoting their
energies to looking after promising
families said I. z
"'To be sure, deacon, to be sure,' an
swered Hiram, with the air of man
who has gained an important point
in an argument. Now take the case
with bears. Will an old bear, an ex-
perienced bear, wander into any trap.
devised for the catching alive of$un-
suspecting bruins? But If bear thinks
its cub is in the trap IT will blunder
right ahead and so be; trapped and ex-
changed for, good money for the bene-
fit Of an intelligent but over-1nodest
hunter % ~ &..sG& Il
even then didn't see through Hi
rams plan. don't see,'I argued,
how you are going TO get your cubs
, Even the youngest and least suspicious
of bear wives or mothers will look
with doubt on your plan of starting q
! bear creche With her cubs. And it's
, certain no wildcat is going to COM
nit her skittens to the tender mercies
: of Hiram Lampson. Day schools and
nurseries are all right in their way,
I but i don't believe. you, can ever make.
them popular with Pike county Wild