The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1900-08-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Doesn't it cost just as much to keep
it?''
"Oh, yes, I suppose it does; but after
you once get the Office, if it furnishes
urally falls on the public. Chicago
Post.
'"There is only one satisfaction in this
scarcity of news from China remarked
Mr.. Sirius Barker.
You must be a great deal of an opti-
mist to get any comfort whatever from
the situation
''Wen. I must say it's a pleasure to
find my friend Bighed can't stand me up
in a corner and pretend he is giving
me all the inside facts of the CASE
Washington Star.
you don't do anything at all, do you,
Digby?"
Don't do anything? Do you know
that the work performed by the mere
vital processes of the human body every
twenty-four hours amounts to lifting
3,400 tons?"-Indianapol Journal.
do you mean to insinuate that I
can't tell the truth?"
by no means. 1t is impossible to
say what man can do until he tries."-
Chicago Post.
do you think that early rising helps
a man get rich?''
Il don't know" answered the man
who makes careful distinctions II
b SHOULD Say II Qop0nQeQ on Wnetner ne >
the one who starts the first street car
or the ice man. '-WaShington Star.
Railway Agent-Our railway, madam,
is strictly up to date in every respect.
Madam-NOnSense. Look at this wo-.
man on your excursion folder; her
sleeves have been out of style for three
years.-ChicagO Record.
Mr.. Hauskeep-My wife broke fairy
lamp, two vases and a cut-glass flower
stand in our parlor last evening, but she
accomplished her purpose.
Mr.. Ascum-FOr goodness sake, what
was her purpose?
Mr.. Hauskeep-To capture a clothes
moth she saw flying around.-Phila-
delphia Press.
She sighed dismally.
DO you know the real meaning of
loneliness in this thickly populated
world?" she asked
do II" returned the commercial
traveller. with feeling. We'll, I should
thing at all for me to reach the only
hotel in a small town at an hour when
it's too late to go to bed and too early
to get up."-Chicago Post.
How She Looked at Him-First Ar
tist-'Why do you call that a study in
still life?'' Second Artist-'Why, that's
the horse I bet on at the last Suburban."
Puck.
The Only One Who Knows.-"How
does he happen to know much about
China? He never was there" ''Of
course, not; but he's a professional pol
itician' Chicago Evening Post.
His Dehnition-"You never studied
oratory?'' NO" answered Senator
Sorghum. II never cared to be a speak
err" what is your idea of a true ora
tor?' AN orator, sir, is a man who is
out trying to get votes without paying
for them. '-Washington Star.
Diner to restaurant waiter)-'What
have you got for dinner?' Waiter
Observation-Disclosures dcrickenstewedlam
Observation-Disclosures otatoescottagep
Observation-Disclosures Diner-"Give me
the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, eighteenth.
and nineteenth syllables. '-Tit-Bits.
Lacking Credence.-"Can you believe
what he says?" asked the journalist of
the newspaper man. q am sorry to be
compelled to answer that question in
is as untrustworthy as copyrighted
cablegram. ''-Harper's Bazaar.
The Missing .-Dimley-''The
books are very helpful to children, in
my opinion" Tharpe-"First steps to
composition, SO to speak?" Dimley-
Exactly; they leave out important
words for the children to supply, thus.
Father says it is - hot today .
Brooklyn Life.
waterproof on train, went back to look
for it. On asking the occupants of a
third-class compartment whether they
had seen anything of Mackintosh,"
ma, na," one of them replied, were
a Macphersons here. ''-Glasgow Even
ing Times.
Evidence-When I went to arrest the
cashier. 1 found him defiant What evil
dence have YOU he demanded, that 1
am the superintendent of a Sabbath |
counts said I quietly. 1 think the fell
low was staggered by this, for he tren- |
bled as I snapped the bracelets on his |
wrists.-Detroit Journal.
The Gold One-Huskinby-''I tell We, |
don't believe Hiram Graball wuz ever |
in New York in his hull life" Hayrake |
But he wuz; he showed me the |
brick!''-Puck.
Explained-"The British nation seems
to be taking the Pekin horror in rather |
stoical fashion" Yes. They are afraid |
land Plain-Dealer.
In the Lunatic Asylum-Keeper-
This poor fellow used to be a famous
Visitor-"Ah! and now he's |
a wandering minstrel. ''-Philadelphia |
Evening Bulletin.
Cyril (aged fve)-"I shall never get
mammal" Mamma="But 1 |
thought you were so fond of Ethel?" |
Cyril-"Yes; but she believes in fairies, |
and don'ti"-Punch.
"When it comes to hunting for souls,''
remarked the first heather, most of |
these missionaries are BIRDS so they
are" replied the other; they're regular /
birds of pray.''-Phila delphia. Record.
Few of Them Mean Anything.-He
looked at the picture and laughed loud
ly. That's good,'' he said. But what !
does it mean?" she asked. Mean? |
Why, it doesn't mean anything" he
replied. It's just a political cartoon
Chicago Evening Post
Mr.. Gump Ito teacher)-''No, I don't
want you to teach my son any gram