The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-07-25

But the general public swelters
AS rule of etiquette,
And many men will suffer
Just to be a social pet.
The year of 1900
Has removed an awful ban,
BY the coming of creature
Called The shrtwaist man.
James Fl. Lambert, Jr., in Philadelphia
Press.
Some of the Democratic brethren are
inclined to get all the fun they can out
of their platform nOw-On the principe,
no doubt, that there will be no fun at
all after election. Col. Bill Sterrett Of
Texas, a wise and witty man. who tells
stories, says that when the Democrats
down in his country come to read the
platform they will be glad to see the 16
to l plank in its proper place. He says
that an old farmer III Texas used to go
to town every week to get the mail and
do the family shopping. His daughters
were in the habit of giving him a list
of the things they Wanted. and ii he
didn't bring every item they made him
regret it. One Saturday his wife went
to town with him. He filed the list
as usual, went to the postoffice and then
started home. AS he rode along he was
troubled in mind by a vague fear that
he had forgotten something that would
make the girls scold him. When he was
about half way home he stopped his Wag-
ON, took out all the bundles and checked
them off by the list. Everything was
there and he rode on, but he could NOT
help worrying. Finally he reached
home. The girls counted the things and
found everything they had sent for.
Then they went in to supper: As they
sat down at the table one of the girls
asked, where's MAJ" The old man
looked UP with a CLEAN of satisfaction
on his face and eXclaimed: Il swan to
goodness! | knew I had forgotten some
thing" Mr.. Sterrett says the Demo-
Gratis of Texas would have felt the same
way if is to l had been left out of the
platform.
Mistress-"Did anyone cali while
was out?"
Bridget the new housemaid)- "Yis.
mum; foive leddies an two gintlemen."
Mistress-"Where are their cards?''
Bridget-''There was no need O. thin
LAWN any"
Mistress Why, not, 1 should like to
knOw?'
Bridget-"Oi was at home"
Mistress-''Yo
Bridget-"Yis, mum. They called ON
me, num- '-Tit-Bits.
--:O:-
He had driven from q backWoodS ham
let to the station and after making an in-
Quiry Of the conductor boarded the train
for Philadelphia, says the Inquirer.
When well on the way he stopped the
blue-coated official and asked in all ser-
BUSINESS:
I'm sorter hungry. Will We tell me
jest where the eatin' car isl"
'',There is none, on this train," was the
answer. Its short run does not require
it,"
of yer keers is the one that We jest loll
around in an turn and twist yer cheer
any way We please? Don't imagine that
because I've never went railrOadin' be-
fore [ don't know all about these things"
You probably mean the Pullman. We
haven't any attached.
We'll, bu stin' squashes. W'ere's yer
cigarstand, SOS 1 Kin be buyin' weed
an lightin' up?"
I'VE don't have such a thing, man."
'An' we've no place fer me ter git my
shoes shined, ter be sure?'
NO, sir
Course, I'd be crazy ter think yer
might have a barber lad abOard?'
1--WE haven't any"
The rural gentleman subjected the con-
ductOr TO a menacing scrutiny from head
to foot and back again. Then he drawled
out in an angry, disappointed tone Of
voice:
well. sufferin' cornmeal; I thought We
said this wuz an accommodation train
Among the natives there were two
parties
Of these the progressives favored kill
ing the missionaries.
For unless we embroil ourselves in
war with the great Caucasian or Chris
tan nations" they argued, how shall
we ever become civilizedT'
I'VE don't want to be civilized,' said
the conservatives. Let the missionaries
alone!'
Party feeling ran high, and much ram
cor was displayed, first and last.-De-
troit Journal.
The late Dan Rice, the famous circus
man, was fond of boys, and always want
ed to see lot of them in his audience.
He never gave a performance when the
hooks and corners were not filled with
Youngsters who had come in free.
One story of this sort is told by Capt.
George j. Grammer, traffic manager Of
the Lake Shore railroad. At the time Of
the occurrence, Grammer, who lived in
GAINESVILLE, O., was standing one after
noon with crowd of otner boys looking
longingly into the tent but not having
Iue pIlCc VI
1t was Mr. Rices custom to stand at
the door until the first grand entry of the
circus people, when he would leave. On
this occasion he saw the hungry look on
the faces of the boys ~and called them
around him. ''You want to go in, don't
you, boys?'
bet your life!' shouted back the
youngsters.
"I'll tell you what. All the boys who
are back here in ten minutes with clean
faces and hands get in
The words were hardly out of his
mouth when there was a dash for the
river, and in less than seven minutes 200
clean faces and hands came back to the
tent, The boys went inside with rush.
-:O:-
Jones-"What's the matter, Brown?
You look as though you had been fight
ing buzz saw
Brown-"Just a little seance with a
dog down the street. [ saw him looking
IN, ftor