The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1900-12-14

Mamma-JOhnny,I fear you were not
at school yesterday. Johnny-H'm! I'll
bet the teacher told you. a woman can
never keep secret.-Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Dresser-Do you think this dress
is long enough behind, Jack? Mr.. Dress
er-Plenty! Any microbe that can es-
cape that isn't worth catching-London
Modern Society.
Stoughton-Did you have good time
at the banquet last night? Manhat-
tan-Splendid; drank myself into in
sens llity before the speaking began
Boston Transcript.
An Easy Part: Youth-Oh, don't
want to take that character; I'll make
a fool Of myself, sure. Maiden-Well,
you said you wanted an easy part
Detroit Free Press.
Back and Forth-Edmond, what made
you so late? My dear, l came up in
my new automobile and passed the
louise five times before could arrange
to stop.-Indianapoli Journal.
Father (who has helped his son with
his homework What did the teacher
say when you showed him the sums?
Johnny-He said I was getting more
stupid every day.-Glasgow Evening
Times.
"Well, Jim couldn't pass the civil
service business on geography an 'rith-
metic." TOO bad! What's he goin'
to do now?" Dunno, but I reckon
he'll go back to teachin' schoolv'-At-
lanta Constitution.
Judge-Prisoner at the bar, have you
anything further to state in your de-
Tense? Prisoner-No, your Honor; I
only ask you to deal with me as you
would with yourself if you were in my
place.-Green Bag.
Bacon-When you are in the city drop
in and see me. Egbert-Why, I thought
your office was on the eighteenth floor?
$50 it is" "And you want me to drop
in; do you suppose I'll be in a balloon:"
-YOnkers Statesman.
Dusty Roads, say, Weary, how did
you feel when that dog came at you?
Weary Waggles-I felt flattered that
even he was glad to see me; but en-
deavored to hide my feelings as much
as could.-Boston Transcript.
She--Yes, it's all we'll enough to say
now you think I'm pretty. Yesterday
you said my nose turned up dreadful
ly. He-Well, dear, l was thinking it
shows mighty poor taste in backing
away from such a lovely MOUTH
Golfers Weekly.
Prepared for Relatives Cat
dinner)-My, my! This is regular
banquet-worthy Of Delmonico. Fin
est spread I've seen in an age What's
up? Do you expect company? Wife
No, but l presume the cook does.--
New York Weekly.
Briggs-Wonder how Slower is doing
nowadays? Griggs-Oh, he must be
doing finely; must be making no end
Of money. You know he has always
been troubled more or less with rheu-
matism. Well, he now calls it gout.-
Boston Transcript.
Used to Make Up: New Nurse
Please: mum, can't do thing with
the baby. He cries all the time. Mis-
tress-Well, I declare! How stupid Of
me! His other nurses were colored
girls. You'll find some stove polish in
the kitchen.--New York Weekly.
Tom-Youve been leaning against a
whitewashed fence, haven't you? Dick
No; why? Tom-Your coat-tails are
covered with white dust. Dick-Sh!
I'm going to call on Miss Pechy; her
father, YOU know, keeps bulldog; that
white dust is ipoison.-Philadelphi
Press.
A Proud Papa: ''This is my son
Frederick, Mr.. Fosdick," said Mr..
Chambers, proudly, introducing his
5-year-old boy to his caller. "Well,
Frederick said the caller, ':do you
mind your mamma?" Eyes, sir" re-
piled Frederick promptly, land so does
papa."-BaZar.
All That Was Needed: Cassidy
Wudn't yez loike t. live on a farm,
Pat? Casey-Oh, ut's tn only way t.
live! Eff they only hod illivated roads,
cable cars, plinty av saloons, concert
halls, tinimint houses, dirt, noise, and
polacemin on farm, Old move on to
farm to-morroW.-Judge
Bad Form: Mrs. Highblower-Don't
forget, my DEAR that in conversation
the interest must not be allowed to flag.
Clara-But I'm sure I do my best,
mamma. Mrs. Highblower-Mayb be SO;
but while the pianist was playing I
thought, once or twice, that detected
you listening to him.-Life.
A mother was hoWing her dear little
Joe picture Of the martyrs thrown to
the lions, and was talking very solemn
ly to him, trying to make him feel what
a terrible thing it was. "Ma,'' he said,
suddenly, ooh, ma, just look at that lit
tie lion right behind there; he WON'T get
any."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
II wish you would read this article"