Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-09-05

y,
talk with their fingers. Elk.
The proprietor of the quick lunch cafe:
Here. Stubby, git ready to tackle dat
Teller OATS just comm in
The waiter: DE one in tn shirt
waist ?"
The proprietor: Oats de one
The waiter: Say, he's bigger dan
me-
ketch on? I've hired dat Teller by de
hour to come in here in his shirtwaist
an git thrown out and come back and
get thrown out again, an den sue me
fer ten thousand, see? / amt gOin' to
have desc high-class grub joints moncpo-
him all de free advertiser. Elk.
The following is p pretty story Of the
Princess Of Wales and one of the wound
ed soldiers now lying il Netley hospital.
says a London correspondent The prince
and princess not long ago visited Netley
hospital, III which some Of the earlier vic
TINS Of the war are now under treat
ment. The princess, in the course OF her
tour, kept exclaiming: 'Oh, this terrible
had been shot through the right cheek,
the, bullet carrying away with it the
teeth and the greater portion of the jaw.
Ihe tender hearted princess was much
moved at the mans suffering, and she
said to him: Poor fellcw. Can you
manage to smoke at all?''
The man said: Yes, your royal high
ness.
The princess Immediately turned TO the
Prince of Wales, and, putting her hand
on his shoulder, said: will you let me
have your cigarette case?"
The prince smilingly gave it to the
princess, who. taking out all the cigar
cites, handed them to the delighted
wounded man, saying: ''Smoke these
my fine fellow. l think they are good
ones; at least 1 know the prince enjoys
them. May you do the same
A young woman recently answered an
advertisement for a diningroom girl. and
the lady Of the house seemed pleased
with her, says the Seattle Post -Intelli-
gencer. But before engaging her there
were some questions to ask.
Suppose" said the lady-"now, only
suppose. yon Understandable you were
carrying piece OF steak from the kitch
en-. and by accident should let it slip
from the plate to the floor, what would
You do in such a case?'
The girl looked the lady square in the
eyes for a moment before asking: Us
1t private family, or are there board
ers?''
"Boarders," answered the lady.
Pick it up and put it back on the
plate, hrmly replied the girl.
She was engaged.
She isn't a very expert stenographer,"
SAID one young woman, land yet the
political orator for whom she takes die
tation has raised her salary three times
this year"
Yes" answered the other. "She isn't
expert, but she is clever. She told me
nb0nt 1t. Sh.' always giggIes out loud
when she comes to any portion of a
speech that he obviously intends to be
funny. Washington Star.
At Ramsbury manor there once resid-
ed a poulterer's family of the name of
Duck The third son was to be christ
ened and the mother wanted the name to
be William. Just before starting to
church the nurse ran upstairs to the IA
Their, who was laid up with govt. to tell
him they were off. What be going to
call un, nurse? "Missus says it's to be
William" was the reply. William be
bowed" said the invalid, ''call I'm plain
Bill" In accordance with these laconic
instructions the nurse gave the name of
Plainbill to the clergyman, and the in
FAINT was chriStened accordingly. Ono
Titchiner of Peckham was named under
the following circumstances: On arriv-
ing at the church his name was not set
y
Name this child" one of the friends
said John" and another said, "Oh, no."
meaning not John; and as no one else
spoke the clergyman thought that was to
be his name, and baptized him Ono.
Fuddy-"A fellow can't think much of
girl to eat onions just previous to cali
ing upon her."
Duddy-"Oh, I don't know. 1t may
I,o ho &c, of hor no
or, perhaps, there could be no stronger
proof of his devotion than the fact that
he could not keep away even after eat
ing onions. Boston Transcript.
The following Whistler story is told by
Justin Mccarthy:
''Whistler-'the MASTER as his follow
ers delight to call him-was once paint
ing a portrait of distinguished novelist,
who was extremely clever but also ex-
tremely ill-favored When the portrait
was finished, the sitter did not seem sat
isfed with it. You don't seem to like
it," Whistler said. The sitter confessed
that he did not, and said in self -justifica,
ton: You must admit that it is a bad
work of art Yes Whistler replied;
but I think you must admit that you
are a bad work of nature"
Observing the manager of the drug de-
partment, the woman accosted him, in a
spirit of badinage.
Il have kleptomania,' she said. "What
would you advie me to take|'
1.-THE elevator, by all means!" said the
wittily.
And not something just as good?' ex-
claimed the woman, affecting great sur
prise.-Detroit Journal.
Alfred Whose sportive opportunities
have been limited by parental Decree:
Papa, what does it mean by base on
balls?''
Papa (who is reading an account of
the latest heavyweight fight: Alfred,
you could better employ yourself with
your Sunday school lession. I'm too
busy now to explain
Alfred (still thirsting for knowledge):
ibid it mean the same as base on balls
when you telephoned last night that as
mamma was away you were to go out
on bat?'
Mamma (who is always listening)
benjamin Ridgely, you will take time
right now to make two explana tons,
with the most important one coming to
e''-Denver News.