The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-11-04

Once upon a time the King Pins Of a
Great Party decided that the City TICKET
could not be elected: so they decided TO
Recognize the Better Element- II it had
been an alright Cinch the Nominations
would have gone TO the Boys who do the
Fine Work.
In Residence Street which had just put
in Asphalt and which had a Cast-iron deer
in nearly every Front Yard. as slight Con-
cession 10 Art there lived Nice Man who
was in the Garden Seed Business. He said
Whom and wore Nose Glasses, and he
was Lost If ne did not have an Umbrella un-
der his Arm. He never had dallied with the
POLITICAL Buzz Saw. although he had Con-
victions on the National Issue and had
written one or two Open Letters on MUNICH
pal Ownership signed "Justitia-"
BY some Chance the Bosses singled out
the Garden Seed Man as the Victim for the
Off Year Sacrifice. They did not like TO see
a Good Fellow stand in the Breach and
take the Calf right in the Wish Bone. III
any one had to be handled with Hooks they
preferred that ii should be some upright
Outsider who wore Congress Caters and
Yarn WHISTLES. The Nice Man who dealt In
Leeks and Early Peas seemed to meet all
the Requirements. He was due to get the
Double Cross on General Principles. In
speaking of him they called him The Stiff
When they talked it over in Wine Room
at the rear of the Pug's Olympus it was re-
ported that the Garden Seed Man was sus-
pected of being a Lily White, who seldom
stood by the Straight Ticket; that he car
ried a little Sack of Peppermint Lozenges
and that he never had been known TO call
anybody by his First Name. So they took
a Vote to see If he should be Butchered to
make Municipal Holiday, and Low
Growl of Approval ran around the Table.
Two Committeeman, who carried an over
weight OF Jowl and wore Canoes little
smaller than the Home Plate. went up to
the Garden Seed Office and told the Nice
Man that the People all over Town were
sick with Anxiety to know would he be
their Next City Clerk.
If he had stopped TO Count Up he would
have known that not more than twenty
three Persons had ever heard Of him. But
you can always convince Nice Man that
he is Prominent. and if the Ointment is
properly applied and rubbed in so as to get
all through the System he will think he is
real Popular, too
The Committeeman had worked the little
Ball in and out of the English Walnuts be-
fore shifting to Politics. and they could sit
down beside a trusting. unsophistIcated
Unitarian with an Open-work Mind and
convince him that Red was Yellow.
BY the time they were through Pumping
it into him he was sure that if he did not
accept the Nomination the Lights would
burn Low all over the City and the Little
Children would moan in their Trundle Beds
So he put on the Corrugated Brow and
tried to look like Caesar at the Lupercal
and said he would have to Knock Under
to the Universal Demand. The Committee
men said they would need a little Money
right away to get out some Printing. They
did not say what kind of Printing, but they
relieved him of enough to issue Public
Library.
His Wife and her Sister and the Man who
took care of the Furnace and his other
Friends heard what he was up to- They
tried to get a firm Hand Hold on his Coat
Tails and pull him out Of Danger, but he
knew better. He said the Populace was
Calling for him. No one else heard the
Call. 1t must have come over a Private
Wire.
The Man who takes the Bit in his Teeth
and starts out to try the entire Thirty
three Degrees of Chumpery can always find
plenty Of Good Excuses. He said the Cam
paign would advertise the Garden Seeds
and bring him into Touch with his Fellow
man. Later on he got into many Touch.
1t was surprising how the Voters rallied
to him. He was swamped with Pledges of
Support. When he was Nominated he
thought ne had a Chance. A Week later he
began to make a List of the Plums to be
distributed. Three Days before Election 1t
ready to propose to her, and intirnated that had