The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-11-11
(Chicaro Inter-OceanO

A witness in one Of our courts seats
himself comfortably, writes John De
Moran in the Green Bag, crosses his
legs, makes himself at home, and. in
some instances, leans over and tries to
chat confidentially with the judge. In
England the witness stands in a box,
like an old-fashioned pulpit, while in
Ireland the witness stands literally on
a table in front, and beneath the
bench. He is denied the privilege of
leaning on the front of the box, like
his English brother, but has to stand,
often feeling most uncomfortable, max
ing an exhibition of himself for the
amusement of the people of the court
Sometimes the court is induigent ana
allows him TO be seated, but that was
So rare. in the days when l frequented
Irish courts, that when granted, the
witness was sure to be looked upon
with suspicion as being too friendly
with the court
The Irish witness. especially when
belonging to the peasant class, Is oIJen
a trial to the counsel, for not only IS
he quick at repartee, but his answers
are often confusing by their qUaintneSS
and Whimsicality.
In the bankruptcy court I once heard
a witness asked the amount OF MS
gross income.
Me gross income, is it? Sure an I'd
have We know that I've no gross in
come. / m a fisherman. an me income
is all net" was the astonishing reply.
These witnesses are often confused
through the misunderstanding OF words
and phrases and as d consequence
many a laugh cannot be suppressed,
even by the most strict tipstaH.
He called me out of me name said
ac
man on a woman. The justice, trying
to preserve the relevancy of the Wit
ness testimony. said:
That's a civil action, my good wo-
man
The witness eyes flashed fire as she
looked up at the justice.
Sure, thin, if ye call that a civil ac-
ton, it's bad bla'gard We must be
yerself."
/ once heard a clerk ask a witness to
take the Bible in his right hand The
witness replied that he would not do
so, and continued TO hold out the left
Then the court Numbered out:
Take the book in your right hand
sir"
..Begorra, if We say so I'll do it, but
I'm not responsible for what L do"
What do you means?
"Musha, it's nt-handed I am, an
me right can't be depended on at ALL
at all
The witness evidently thought that
his physical incapacity would aHect
the value Of his testimony, II he used
the right hand for holding the book.
In a case of assault on VIE by
her husband. the counsel for the COM
plainant, after she had been sworn
asked most insinuatingly, and with a
look at the justice which was intend
ed to create sympathy.
And now. Mrs. sullivan, Will you
I kindly tell the court whether your nus
band was in the habit of striking you
with impunity?"
The counsel looked again at the JUS
tice while awaiting the reply.
With what, sor2''
with impunity."
Fax he did, sor, now and tnln, put
he sthruck me more often with his
isht."
The counsel was compelled to smlie'
1 but he was equal to the occasion, Tor
he immediately asked:
And that hurt you mOreE
'Indade il did, sOr, was the reply.
When the great O'Connell reused the
ire Of fishwife by calling her "parai-
! telegram" the world laughed, but only
few months ago a woman asked Tor a
warrant against a man for using anus
i've language in the street. what dld
he say?" asked the magistrate He
whit foTenst the whole world AT the