The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-10-14
Fun of the World.


Charles XII. of Sweden feared ony ole
power in the world, tie power OF beauty;
only q handsome woman could ooass
Of making aim ae1si-ahe put nm 10
tight. He sad: SO many neI ces nave
suceumoed TO the attractions OF a besu-
tlful face. D.d rot Aiexanaer, my Pc,
burn a town 10 please ridiculous eocr-
Iesan7 / vans my lite 10 ce lice from
suen weakness; history must nos ana
sucn a stain upon it He MAS told one
cay that young giri had come 70 SIC
Tor justice on DenalI Of a blind oct &c
marian father naalIrsated BY soldiers n
first inclination OF the hSng, a Sisiet
| dtsciplnaIian. was TO rush Straight .
The pIalnxin, 70 hear tae de- ais OF the
naisdsmeancr Tor himself, but suddenly
stopping ne asked: IS she good looA-
mgr Ana being assured shat she was
both very young ana unusually soye4y,
ne sent word that she must war Vel,
| otherwise he would not lis.en 10 her.
z Z < 4
Sentimental persons who love 10 read
1 OF beautiful death scenes VIII ue
| shocked 10 learn on the authority Of a
soldier who stood by Gene. al La~ton
| when he passed away that the general 5
| last words were Damn the luck his
| was the stanch veterans retort 20 the
bullet that made his death wound. Tee
words viii not look pretty in Jhs Annals
OF emouonaa neurology, but they dopot-
less expressed the Generals sentiments
| at the time much more truly than any
OF the mortuary bon mols whlca may
! be aScribed to him in the story-bookS
and will receive more respectful consid-
Grafton from the recording angel
x 4 < K
Governor Roosevelt lsughingly tells a
neat story apropos his wish TO make
| his campaign on his civil and not his
military record. While he was en- his
recent western tour an elderly and We y
near-sighted farmer came up to htn,
| stretched out his hand, and said:
Have 1 the honor of addressing the
| hero of Sam Jew-Ann?
NO, sir; you are addressing the gov
| ernor of New York"
"Oh, excuse me-" said the farmer,
backing away; i've made a mistake
| 1 thought 1 was speakin' 10 Teddy. Kin
| you tell me where l kin find Teddy
Roosevelt"
< &c
| On the occasion of the Shah's visit TO
the pavilion of clockwork at the Paris
| exhibition, he was shown clock which
fired on a pistol every hour.
ITO kill time, eh?" remarked the Per
| sian monarch.
ag sg
| In a Liverpool theater some time ago
a mslodrama was performed which had a
peculiarly grim ending for no less than
six of the characters at the close OF the
| fourth act Jay dead upon the stage. Then
| il was the curtains turn. II ought II
| have come down, but IL stuck bad y.
! The dead became restl SIS. They peep
| ed at each other, wondering If they
would ever be released from their awk-
ward positions. Then the audience began
| to litter; ii Uttered moe; then il laugh
ed outright. The situation had become
intolerable; when one Of the dead
rose, solemnly faced the audience, and,
raising his hand beseech ngly. said,
| "Friends-respect the dead!' Then he
went back and lay with his friends and
the laughter broke out afresh. There
was nothing for 1t but that the dead
should solemnly walk off, one after the
other.
Eg Z q
An Irishinan recently applied at a
London postoffice to know the cost OF
sending a telegram TO his mother, who
/ resided in a remote part of Ireland. and
/ upon being informed that the fee would
/ be As. 6d., exclaimed: WHAT l carn't
afford all that
| The clerk then explained that the
message would cost Is Cd TO the near
est office to the address given, ard that
| the remaining IS. would be charged for
delivery by special messenger, as the
| address was beyond the radius Of free
delivery.
| After some moments of consideration.
Pat said: Look here; I've only got Is.
| Cd, so you had better send IT on TO the
! nearest office, and / viii write 70 mother
/ tonight and tell her TO fetch it."
z < x q
by the way" said the man who had
! stopped at a farmhouse TO water his
/ horse, fifteen years ago a poor boy
came this way and you took him in
Yes" queried the farmer, somewhat
SURPRISED.
You were kind to him. went on the
! stranger. you fed him, gave him
words of encouragement, and an old suit
of clothes. put five shtllings in his
| pocket and sent him on his way re
joicing He told you at the time that
| he never would forget your kindness.
Am right!"
81 believe you are" replied the farmer.
He said that II he prospered he would
see that you never had occasion 20 re-
greet your kindness to a poor, struggling
I'D"
'uAnd's sakel" exclaimed the farmers
wife exc1t edly. II SOUNDS ainnoet bhe
a fairy tale. don't IT."
well" continued the stranger. 'he
told me to tell you that he Is still poor"
And as he drove away the farmer went
out and kicked the pump vicously. while
his wife threw a rolling-pin At the chick
ems.
There are some things worse thar sia'e
eggs and one OF them Is a smart rst7rt
which takes away ones digrity and
leaves no room for answer. Such a fate
the candidate met who. in wooing a pro-
vfncisl constituency, declared. IN vindica-
ton OF his devotion 20 truth. that he
hsd beer tnrashed for telling T. when
ne was boy. He must have wished
hs had been q mile away when some
body called out. Il guess It's cured yer.
Suy'neri'
gy- y
Sir John Bstty luke, the eminent psy-
choiorist. and the NV representative IN
parliament Of the Edinburgh and 81 An
drew.' universities. had once The follow
ing iaughs5ls experience; \ sturdy ia
nerer was engaged In tie grounds II he
Doctors asylum 81 stouEhton hsn. near
Edinburgh, and was told 20 give 70 al
ter.ior whstever 20 patients who nirst
come and speak 70 hir- About tire mid
Gle CT me Gay " 4 sAe cams y -
what prog-es. hsd beer made With the
-rork. ana mildly suggested some sitera-
tiOn- n. l.borer dug on without ever
nfslnx rs hesd TT. doctor raised BIS
voice and spoke more ernphaficaliy, b1,
TIE workman took no notice. Then TIE
doctor threatened. sf0TTnsd ersd fnsfy
demanded: DO you kngw wha en-
Tire mar Strengthened sis back dslfSsT-
.t.iy. and. Ieanin1 ~ the read ~ his
zpsde, looked ~ him fer minute. snd|
shaking his hsat, enthusiastically raid