Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-01-28

|
check for half million dollars. With
in a year you can establish the Eighth
National on a capital of 100000.
Give me your hands and shake hear
tily.''
I've got to make up $40, to-day,
Major" said the chiropodist, as he ex-
pay this little"
] And now to hear what I've got-my
newest, latest and best idea," contin-
ued the Promoter. you've heard of
the musical attachments to piano, of
course? There are three or four of
them. l was asked to form a Trust,
but after looking them over l saw that
1 could do better. In twenty-four
! hours l had figured it out. | simply
! enlarged upon the attachment idea and
brought electricity to my aid. l have
struck it, sir-I have worked out a
scheme which will revolutionize the
world. Here's our piano in the parlor.
| and our electric battery in the cellar
below it. We run our wires where we
will, and each wire produces differ
ent tune on the keys of the piano. We
| don't get music on set occasion, but it
| begins at daylight and lasts right
| through till the last of the family has
| gone to bed. Let us shake hands
| again"
81 don't exactly understand
"Then l will make it plain. We at
! tach a wire to the front door. Every
i time the door is opened the piano
! plays Yankee Doodle We attach
wire to the stairs. Every time one
ascends or descends the piano plays
'Whar's Dat Coon?' We run a wire to
the kitchen range Let the cook re-
move cover or bang door and the
soft, sad notes of Wearing of the
Green float through the house. Do
you see the possibilities, sir-the gi-
gantic, stupendous possibilities? You
must see them-you can't fail to catch
on. Any family able to rent a piano
at So per month can have the music
for eighteen hours per day free of cost.
Think of the influence exerted by 200
pianos on the same block"
IF 1 wasn't hard up l shouldn't ask
you for the two dollars" said the
chiropodist as the Major paused for
breath.
1--WE attach wire to the family
clock. Every time the clock strikes the
piano plays Johnny Get Your Gum
We attach a wire to the family sewing
machine. AS the mother sews the
piano plays Our Willie Boy or Buff
| falo Gals The idea can be carried
to almost any length. Run a wire to
the egg-beater, the ironing board, the
coal bin, or what not? We can even
attach one to the foot of the cook and
have the piano play Heaven is My
Home as the girl moves about the
kitchen. It's music without extra cost
1t does away with piano playing by
hand. It's the biggest, the grandest,
the most stu"
But it's nothing to me-" interrupted
the caller 1--WE got to raise money,
and I'd like the So you owe me to help
out"
And now you see the idea" con-
tinued the Major, after looking at him
in an absent way I'VE patent the
idea. We organize the Universal Mus
ical Attachment Company and capital
ize at s5,000,000. I'll take the presi-
dency, of course, and right here and
now I'll appoint you treasurer, and l
guarantee a salary of at least $4,000
a year We start with the stocks in
our own hands, and We'll divide the
first million at 20 per cent. At 20 per
! cent, my boy, and within four weeks
the public will be crying for it at par.
Can you leave $500 with me to secure
$3.50, 900 worth of stock?"
Lord, no, Didn't 1 come in here
after two dollars because was hard
| up?"
Then make 1t -s1O0-s50. I'll
take you in on the ground floor, but
you must deposit something, you know.
| My dear man, this is the chance of
your life. Embrace it and the Stand
ard Oil Company won't be in it with
you in a year. Throw it over your
shoulder and you'll die in the poor
house. Leave me s25 at least
Il couldn't leave fifteen cents"
1.-The Universal Musical Attachment
Company, with stock jumping to 200
as soon as the public catches on. My
dear man, don't let this stupendous
| enterprise get away from you. Go
pawn your hat-sell your shirt-raise
a little money to leave with me even
If you have to rob the dead. Remem-
Der, we run wires from the piano to
every part of the house. Even as the
cook mashes the potatoes or roofs out
the pie-crust we get Old Black joe
and The Little Green Grave to cheer
cofyop tho family nm Ir-c