The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1900-07-14

DR.. Jalap-"Let me see your tongue,
please Patient-"Oh, doctor, no
tongue can tell how badly feel.''-Tit-
Bits.
Just So.-"Jack Higgins heart is in
the right place. What makes you
think SO, dear?" why. be gave it to
me last night."-Harper's Bazaar.
To Memory Dear.-''Memory is one of
mans most valuable possessions" oh,
perhaps that's why we hear of its being
taxed. '-Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
Not His Fault.-:.You married me for
my moneyi"she exclaimed angrily. "Oh,
blame me. I couldn't get it any other
way. you know."-Chicago Evening
Post.
Pressure 'EmeIine, didn't
it vex you to have to give the census
man your age?" mo, indeed; I've kept
it a dead secret so long that it was a
blessed relief to get a chance to tell it,
indianapolis Journal.
A Considerate Offer-Employer-
think I'll have to let you go; there isn't
much to do around here, but you don't
even seem able to do that" Office Boy
well, suppose you pay me half wages,
and I'll stay home until you really need
me."-Chicago Record.
Trained.-'I might as well tell We be-
fore we go any further" said the wit
ness. who had been getting rather the
better of the lawyer, that ye needn't
expect to rattle me by askin' fool ques-
tions. mop retorted the lawyer. Nav.
I've raised three boys, an got two
grandsons that's keepin' me trained all
the time. ''-Indianapolis Press.
His Luck-Sh e-"Two weeks seems
such a short vacation" He-"That de-
ponds on where you spend it. struck
a q -
How much did you pay for that
horse?' asked the ice man. Seventy
five dollars a front foot answered the
real estate man.-Indianapolis Press.
Laying Out a freddy,
tell pa what you want for your birth
day" "Oh, pa, I want tent in tn
back yard, an a gun, an "a grea's big
cigar store injun. Minneapolis Jour
nal.
Jack-"Well. whatever the summer
girl may be, there is one thing she is
not" Will-'Whats that?'' Jack-"she
is not contagious" Will-"How do you
mean?" Jack-"You can't catch her.
Detroit Free Press. 81
Dime Museum Gossip.-"The tattooed
man says he gets so respondent at times
that he thinks of committing suicide"
He ought to be watched. One can cas-
lily see that he has designs upon his own
person. '-En1ladelpnla Evening BuAle-
tin.
Hoax-"So May Marryat and Mr. |
Plodder are still no more than engaged?
I had expected to hear of their union
before this" Joax-"Well I believe the |
only obstacle lies in the fact that Plod- |
der doesn't get union wages. "-Phila- |
delphia- Record.
1t Has Various Seats.-"What's the |
news from the seat of war;" she asked !
at the breakfast table. He looked up |
from his paper in surprise. Please spec !
ify," he said. DO you refer to China, |
st. Louis, South Africa, Philadelphia. or
Post.
Drawing the Line.-"I suppose you |
feel sure of your ground in the coming |
campaign?'' Il should say So answer /
ed Senator Sorghum Il think may /
say without boasting that 1 have |
enough laid by to hold my own without |
mortgaging any real estate. Washing
ton Star.
You say the colonel was in the latest |
battle? Yes. he vas was ne IN the
van?" There wasn't any van. He was |
in the baggage wagon cleveland |
Plain Dealer.
Heat or Humidity? -Johnny-"Paw.
what is higher criticism PaW-lt IS |
something that is able to remove all |
the heat from the hereafter, but is not /
so successful with the present. '-Baltl-
more American
A Decided Bargain-"I should like to |
get a. patent on this improved wedding