The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-06-07
RED TAPE APPLICATIONS
Illustrations Oils Working in
English Official Life.
fragrant Cases brought to Light
During the War-The First Mes
snEe to Methucn-TroubIe About
Peg on Which to Hand n Coat
A Funny American Incident.

ficer of volunteer corps, desiring to hav
the services of a worthy and respecte
clergyman as chaplain, sent in his nam
to the War Office. In reply he receive
form Of printed questions as to age
birthplace, character, and qualifications
Among them was the following: Has tn
applicant ever been in prison, and, if sc
for what offeuce?" The idea of crime il
connection with his reverend friend seem
ed SO absurd to the colonel that he left tn
| question unanswered. Red tape, in tn
person of War Office clerk, looked a
1t In different light. The blank in tn
form suggested to him only one thing
| give no answer to Question No. :" HI
wrote to the colonel. I'VE hope this doe
not imply that the person you name ha
| been convicted. We shall be glad of ;
definite answer on this point
Here detachment from ideas is merely
ludicrous. 1t has, however. another side
Early in January battalion was ordered
to the front which was short Of officers
The colonel, knowing that the twin bat
TALON in India was exactly the reverse
wrote to the War Office explaining the cir
cumstances, ard urgently requesting that
the full strength of his command might be
| made up by an exchange, the officers being
sent direct TO Durham. In great anxiety
he waited week without a reply. The
day before he left his own letter was re-
turned to him. and across it red tape
official had scrawled in blue pencil: This
application should be sent in duplicate"
The battalion, therefore, sailed from
Southampton short OF officers, with per-
haps unfortunate consequences in the field.
But red tape knows nothing about actual
its; its limits are bounded By form.
Even in South Africa the red tape fiend
is at large. When communication was first
established between Kimberley and Lord
Methuens column On the Moider River it
fairly outdid itself. The town, which had
already borne some of the rigo.s Of the
siege, was naturally anxious to hear news
OF the relieving force. or, at any rate. to
receive some acknowledgment that 1t was
invested by the Beers. Greatly to its dis
appointment and Indignation, this was the
first message flashed to Colonel Kekeai h:
please inform the lRemount Department,
Wynberg. what is the number marked On
the left hoof of horse supplied by Sergeant
O'Gorman." To the depressed garrison OF
Kimberley this message sounded like
mockery of their suiferings, but it was
merely display CT rcd tape.
On the authority of Mr.. Rhodes, another
story is told of ofIiciaism in kimberley
itself. Throughout the siege the mi / airy
authorities failed TO reces the death OF
single colonial, though locally raj led foes
were the main strength Of the CARR son.
Nevertheless, in the Kimberley garrison
orders occurs a notification to the effe ct
that Mule No. - having died. is here
by struck off the Strength Of the North
Lancashire Regiment To red tape a
transport animal of the regular army is of
more consequence than many troopers and
officers of regular corps.
An official not so long ago went some
little distance from London on public bust
ness. On his return he sent in bill of
the expenses he l. ID incurred on the Jour
ney. One item was the small sum of three
pence, opposite which, for want OF a bet
ter term, he wrote porter" To his as
constituent the bill was returned to him
with an intimation that no allowance was
made fol liquors. He explained that he
paid the money. not for drink, but 10 a
station porter for carrying his bag to the
train. This was satisfactory; nevertheless,
20 save future misunderstanding, he was
asked to fill in the item as porterage.
When a peg to hang an overcoat on is
needed in an ordinary Office. either one of
the clerks puts 1t in or a workman is
asked to do it. Such simple and direct
methods find no favor in a world ruled by
red tape as the following incident Illus
trates. The necessity for row of pegs on
the door of a room in a public building
having arisen. an application to that eff
feet was sent in to the board of works. 1t
YVES returned on the ground that the wrong
department had been consulted. The en-
gineering department at Woolwich was
next tried, and with better success. for in
due course an official travelled up to Lon
don, at considerable cost to the taxpayer,
to see what was required to be done. This
was the preliminary to business, which,
after some delay, appeared in the form of
a mechanic, who put up the pegs. Thus a
small job, which might have been done for
a few pence, cost as many pounds in the
interest of red tape.
A colonial official, who held an appoint
ment in protectoTate, was offered an
other in the Western Pacific which he
To get over the ground he bad
been given an allowance for horse,
forage, and a groom, an allowance which,
1t was decided. was to be continued in his
new sphere Of work. Unfortunately a
horse was not required in a group of
widely scattered coral islands, neither was
forage, nor a groom. He, therefore, asked
the red tape fiend in Downing Street IL
he might keep a small yacht instead as
otherwise it would be impossible for Linn
to get about Permission was readily
granted, and the Western Pacific official
gayly took up his new duties. But he |
reckoned without red tape. In making out
the schedule of his expenses he wrote |
down so much for the wear and tear of the |
yacht, and so much for the skipper. Months |
later 1t came back to him with the irate |
demand of a red tape clerk as to whether |
he supposed that the Government pro-
yided him with pleasure yacht" In JUS |
flying himself he pointed out that unless |
he hired a man to look after his yacht it !
might be stolen on his frequent absences |
inland and in any case he required some |
,ne to keep 1t clean. He had merely Used |
the word skipper for want of a better |
erm The explanation was perfectly salts
factory, but he was thereafter requested |
10 write yacht so much, forage SO much
Il was more convenient!
Fortunately, when rei tape comes in con-
tact with common sense 1t is red tape
which goes to the wall good story is |
ola OIL an sSCIetdTy WHO
devised a system which compelled every
me who went on business to General
Banks to procure ticket from a member
If the staff. the presentation of which at
he door gained his admission. One day
,urly colonel of an Eastern regiment came
% the door of the private office at head
quarters and requested that his name be
given to the general Have you a ticket"
lie was asked. "a ticket! echoed the !
,;,l, eli 7
You can't enter here without one" was
l. cni |