Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-12-01
: THE MAN WITH THE :
: S TRlPED SHIRT :
HUoU seem unhappy this morn

VoU seem unhappy this morn
ing," remarked the silent part
ner to his associate after the stenog-
rapher had left the room in tears TO re-
ceive the condolences of the tempo
rarily discharged office boy. And yet, ~
he continued, there is no yellow tinge
TO your skin, and your eyes are bright
and your hand steady. No one would
believe that you were suffering from
an active fit of remorse and had deter
mined to take it out on all the depend
ent humanity that crossed your bilious
path, to look at you. Why don't you GO
across the way TO the drug store and
take something for it?"
Its not that" said the disgruntled
man, passing his hand YEARLY across
his forehead. Its my Shirt
Then i have no sympathy to offer.
A man of your ordinary intelligence
ought to know enough to take a pen
knife and make new buttonhole if the
neckband is too large for your collar,
and if it is simply a case of fray you
can easily dampen it and take the
starch out of it. There's no excuse for
you coming up here and raising Ned
over trifle like that"
IF you had an instantaneous bleach
ing process to suggest you might help
me-" observed the other. "As il is I'm
conscious that I've got on a thing with
purple stripes and I'd be willing to ex-
change it for one of haircloth. 1t
wouldn't have nearly the irritating eff
feet on me. l wasn't born to the pur-
ple-l had il thrust upon me. The
clerk said it was the latest thing this
season and neat in its effect, and it
didn't look so bad when he showed it
TO me. But / got under its influence
fve minutes after had put it on, and
half killed an innocent kitten that
came and coDfidingly wiped its little
pink nose on my trousers. That's the
trouble with me-the inability to size
up garment before il has actually
passed into my possession, and my
cowardly and parsimonious aversion
TO throwing it away when it fortunes
me to look at it. It's bad enough with
anything, but with shirts it is simply
maddening. Shirts have ALWAYS been
the bane of my life"
I'm what nespect?' asked the silent
partner.
In every respect. have to buy them
ready-made because man has TO take
OF his coat and waistcoat and put them
on again afterward to get measured.
and my doctor tells me to avoid all un-
necessary exertion on account of nv
heart, so TO a certain extent / have to
take chances on the fit. That's a rood
suggestion of yours about the button
holes, however. Well, then, there's
the pattern and color. 1t isn't once in
three times that I get ANYTHING that
on sober second thought satisfies me-
Then, as 1 say. / haven't the sand to
throw anything away. say to myself
that I'll save it for an emergency. and
1 find that the emergency happens
about twice week. If get on a shirt
that suits me I'm as happy as a king
and my heart sings within me. but. the
wrong color throws me off Just as Won
see me this morning. Doesn't it ever
affect you that way?"
Never"
wen, l suppose mine is a peculiar
case. l wish 1 could find some remedy
for 1t. It's no use for me to cover the
horror up with neclxtie and put on a
pair of white cuffs; the world NAV be
deceived, but know that it's there"
?, Then why don't you stick to plain
white shirts?"
Heaven help mel 1 cannot" siohed
4he victim. dekpondently. IT have CON