Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-04-21
IMR. JoBSoN RETALIATES

Mr.. Jobson,'' said Mrs. Jobson on Mon
day evening last after he had thrown away
| the butt Of his first cigar and was leaning
back In his chair, twiddling his thumbs,
do you recall requesting me- when 1 was
| in the midst of housekeeping at this time
| last year. to notify you. this year. twelve
hours in advance of the time when l in
tended to begin spring housekeeping. in
order. as you expressed 1t, that you might
watt yourself somewhere away from the
smell Of soapsuds, varnish, furniture polish
and kerosene dip"
Who. me?" inquired Mr.. Jobson. look
ing up with surprised expression. Don't
you think you've got that tangled-that you
| only dreamed that, or got me mixed up
with somebody else? Never said anything
of the sort"
well, not giving you a contradictory
answer you did say just that thing re-
Piled Mrs Jobson. and l hereby beg TO
to begin to rehabilitate this house at $3.50
am sharp tomorrow
'Huh-is that so?" said Mr.. Jobson
twiddling his thumbs with good deal OF
dehberation and gazing at Mrs. Jobson Sc
verely. BY the way, what's your idea?
Want to get rid of me? Want to drive
out of my home? It's wonder you don't
| suggest a permanent arrangement of that
sort"
You told me to give you notice. you
| KNOW" said Mrs. Jobson, without with
| X.
| Mr.. Jobson didn't make any reply, but he
| looked real grieved and hurt.
Blamed pretty note. this is, isn't it?" he
| unused. Wants to get me out, does she2
I've good notion to give her a lesson and
just take her at her word-stay out one
| night anyhow. M 'fraid it might break
| her heart. though. If thought she would
MT go to every police station in town after
| 1 was q couple of hours overdue, and send
| out general alarm, and telegraph to all
| of her relatives and my relatives that was
victim Of foul play. and weep her eyes
| out, and all that sort O. thing, / believe I'd
just teach her lesson by taking her at
her word-mighty anxious she Is to get rid
| or me!-and stay away from the house al
together tomorrow night
"Er-uh-am l to understand, Mrs. job
| son, said Mr.. Jobson, aloud. with great
dignity and composure of manner. that it
| is your desire-er-uh-to have me seek
| other quarters during your period of house
cleaning?''
| well, only reminded you of what you
told me last SPRING" said Mrs. Jobson.
| CHE wouldn't stay away from his home
| for night for anything in this wide
I world" she said complaisantly to herseif)
| Very well. madame-very WELL" re-
| marked Mr.. Jobson, still with frigid dignity.
| You are to remember that you are on rec
ord in this matter. Mrs. Jobson-that you
| have deliberately invited me to leave my
| own house to suit your convenience. Er-uh
very well, Mrs Jobson." and he haughtly
left the sitting room and went up to his
| den.
| Pooh! pshaw! he'd never dream of stay
| ing away from me over night thought
Mrs. Jobsor. smiling to herself
only thing I'm afraid Of" thought Mr..
Jobson, lis that she'll send out a general
alarm if stay away all tomorrow night,
| but I'm going to take a chance on it, any
how. Huh! the idea! AS if 1 ever said any
| thing last year about wanting to be waited
anywhere. Never made a kick about
esanins s faet foa hd Of 90u the
| smell of varnish and all that. That's
pure imagination, and I'm going to teach
| her to" and then his mind wandered off
4 to consideration of things she might do
In alarm over his absence.
Are you still DESTROYS, / beg to inquire,
| Of doing without the society of your hus-
| band during the period you are to devote
| to your housecleaning?" Mr. Jobson asked
Mrs. Jobson, with vast solemnity of man
| ner at the breakfast table the following
morning.
"Now. he just wants me to beg him not
to stay away, when he hasn't the slightest
idea OF doing any such thing Mrs. Jobson
rapidly thought to herself, land 1 just
| won't, so there, now!"
| Il only reminded you last evening of what
you said last year at this time" said Mrs.
! Jobson. aloud.
"Er-uh-may I venture to inquire If you
can give me an approximate estimate of the
| length of time 1t will take you to conclude
your spring house cleaning?" Mr.. Jobson
asked, with tremendous impressiveness.
| ''Oh it'll be all finished by tomorrow af-
| ternoon, / suppose replied Mrs. Jobson.
saying to herself, Now, you'd really think
| the man actually wasn't going to come
| home for his dinner at the regular time this
| afternoon"
'.Er-uh-very well-good morning." said
| Mr.. JobsOn, striding out with vast rigidity
| of carriage. You shall have your DESIRE
| How perfectly ridiculous!' said Mrs. job
| son, not, however, without certain appre-
| hensve thought that he might, after all, put
his bluff through.
| Immediately after breakfast Mrs Jobson
| and the servant began to pull and haul the
| furniture around, and fool with the pictures,
| and yank down the curtains. and roll up
| the rugs and perform all of the other ex-
| traordinary functions in connection with
| the approved modern method of Cleaning
| house." They were at it until 8 o'clock,
when Mrs Jobson told the servant to get
| the dinner. When Mr.. Jobson's hour for
| arriving home came around, and he failed
to show up, Mrs. Jobson smiled bit ner-
| vously.
| Hes just doing 1t because he thinks it'll
| make me feel bad-the idea!-and he'll be
| here about an hour so late" she re-
| Elected. But when two hours passed, and
still no Mr. Jobson. Mrs: Jobson began to
| dab her handkerchief to her eyes.
Il wonder If the poor, silly, old thing
really thought 1 meant he should stay
| away from his own house-and he is so
| good, and kind, and domestic" she thought,
| with awful self-reproach.
When midnight came around and still no
| Mr.. Jobson, Mrs. Jobson was on the verge
| of Mysteries, and the servant had to rub her
until Mrs. Jobson finally fell asleep from
sheer WEAKNESS. When she awoke at dawn,
| and Mr.. Jobson not at her side, she had to
| think for fully two minutes to arrive at the
| cause of it all, and then she was in a very
| sorry state of mind indeed. But she felt pos
| tive that he would be home for dinner that
| evening. and she determined that she
wouldn't go down to his office to see if he
was all right. She pitched in and finished
| up the house cleaning. and at the usual
time in the evening the dinner was ready.
| Mr.. JobsOn had gone to hotel the night
| before. feeling as miserable as it is possible
| for human being to feel but with his jaw
| hard set and his mind fully made up to
| stick it out
Huh! If I'd ever said anything of that
| sort it would be different he thought: "but
| here 1 am deliberately chased out of my
own home and I'm derned if go home to-
| night"
Before going upstairs to the hotel room
| he bought four magazines. and he gazed at
| the covers of each of them upside down in
| his room for an hour or so, thinking with
terrible bitterness of the way he was
| abused. At 10 o'clock he determined that,
| after all, it might be better for him to go
home about midnight, and he made up his
L v-@l.