The Irish standard., 1900-05-26

uy' wen, 1t is Latin placard huns
around on the walls in theaters and
opera houses to keep people from think.
ing they smell fire.
Visitor-When you grow up, Bobby
will you be doctor, like your father:
Bobby-Mercy, no! Why, couldn',
even kill rabbit!
Judge-Here, officer, this man say:
he was arrested for merely taking cold
Is that correct? Oficer-It is, you,
honor he was stealing ice when ]
nabbed him.
"Do you see that dog?" eyes, bu,
what is there so wonderful about him %
Hes worth $4,000" Good gracious!
How did he save the money!"
81 told Mary that her voice only
needed cultivation and advised her to GO
to Professor Won Donnerblitz" "You
did? Why, she simply can't singh 81
know. I'm in hopes the professor will
tell her so.'
ooh, you darling! I'm so glad to
hear OF your happiness. What did Mr..
Dickson say when he proposed?" "He
said he had loved me from the very
first" II should never have suspected
that; he isIsuch a young-looking man!'
His Wife-If you can stop reading
about the Boer war for few minutes
1 have something to tell you about the
cook. The Suburbanite-Yes? Is she
going to trek?
Doctor, what ails my daughter?"
Before I answer that question let me
ask if you have reason to think she has
had love disappointment of any kind?'
Il know she has not" "Then, madam,
your daughter has the grip"
Mr.. Dinwiddie-The United States
may act as intermediary to restore
peace between Great Britain and the
Beers. Mr.. Van Braam-Then perhaps
we could induce Queen Victoria or
President Kruger to mediate in the
Kentucky conflict.
Mr.. Dukane-After Mafeking is re-
lieved the garrison will be in a position
to appreciate some of the feelings OF
Americans two years ago. Mr.. Gas
well-How so? "They are eating horse
at Mafeking, you know" "Well?"
"Well, they will remember the NAME"
Hobbs-Well, how is the new cook
getting on? Mrs. Hobbs-She's get
ting on her things preparatory to leav-
ing.
Parke-Some women are never salts
fed. My-wife almost insisted last night
upon my taking her to some play. Lane
But you didn't? 'No, sir! Why, I've
seen everything there is"
Il asked the young woman in front
OF me to remove her big hat so that
could see the stage?" "Did she do it?"
"No; she said if she held her hat in her
lap she couldn't see the stage herself"
This Porto Rico business reminds
me of Dick snipps." "What did Dick
do?" "He invited lot of us to a pic
mic out at his uncle's country place and
then took up collection for expenses
on our way home"
There's been quite change in old
Backbite, hasn't there?" GLOW so?"
''He has taken to riding a Wheel" 81
can't see that's any change. He'll still
continue to run down his neighbors."
"Miss Bird sent Sc for "a sure method
to preserve the voice +" "What was it?''
"'Sing into photograph"
Ton1-Why do you refer to her as
"your old flame" You're still calling on
her, aren't you? Dick-Yes, and I'm
still burning money on her.
"The undertaken is very jolly this
morning eyes. Three hundred new
doctors were graduated last night"
Wife-How long must we wait with
our Mary? She is already 10 years old
Husband-Till the right person comes
Wife-I didn't wait so long.
eve can whip any nation on earth?'
cried the patriot. "Let us pitch in and
do it." ''We?" queried the former vol.
unteer inquiringly. "Would you help?''
Help" exclaimed the patriot. "Well,
1 should say so. Didn't I write letters
of advice to the War Department all
through the late trouble?"