Mesa free press., 1900-02-23
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Mr.. Figg--Tommy, l hear you nave
been telling lies. never told lies when
I was your age. Tommy-When did
you begin, paw?
swell. Willy" asked grandma, "have
you had all the dinner you want"
"Nome," answered the truthful little
boy, but have had all can eat"
Hibbler- Does your wife help you in
your work? Scribbler-Yes, indeed!
She always goes out calling on her
friends while I am writing.--Tit-Bits.
"You said Mrs. Wabash got her fur
niture on the installment plan, didn't
you" Mrs. Dearborn--Yes; she's had
four husbands, and got little with
each one.
II would die for your exclaimed her
elderly lover, passionately. "Oh,
DON'T" she answered, in alarm; II like
your hair and mustache 10 much better
.as they are."-Ex.
Author-Now I want your honest
opinion. Tell me what faults you see
j in my book. Friend-Well, for one
/ i lulnh IUC CONCAS AAC Wv A"~
apart.-New York Journal
Pat-An honest man is the noblest
work av God. Mike-Thrue fer ye! But
there's lots nv honest men that
wouldn't be so honest II they would
only tell the truth about thlmsilves-
Puck.
4; "You are half an hour late at our ap-
pointment, Mr.. Tompkins." "Yes;
stopped to get my luncheon" "Well,
be kind enough to sit down and wait
while go or: and get mine."-Chicago
Record.
First Worker (gloonily)--.Women are
lcrowding into every department Of in
idustry and towering our wages. Sec
iond Worker-I amt afraid OF EN-.
i"You're not? What are you" "A
cook"
Teacher-Try to remember this: Mil
ton, the poet, was blind. Do you think
you can remember it? Bobby Smart
Yes, ma'am. Teacher-Now, what was
Millions great misfortune? Bobby
Smart-He was a poet.-Ohio State
Journal.
"I hope my explanation is satisfac-
tory" said Mr.. Younghusband, as he
concluded long narrative as to why
he had been detained down town until
Il a. m. "Well," yawned Mrs. Young
husband, "your excuse is fairly good.
but It's not as good as father used to
make "-ChicagO News
! Not a Violent Case-Mrs. Peck-Hen-
ry, what would you do if l were to die
suddenly? Henry-Pray, don't talk of
such thing; I think it would almost
drive me crazy. Mrs. Peck--Do you
think you would marry again? Henry
oh, no; don't think l would be as
crazy as that!-Chicago News.
"How did you lose your last place.
BridgetY divorce" "Yours?" mo.
THE boss got one from his wife, SO
her recommend was no good, and he
Wouldn't give me one because she hired
!: me in the first place. I'm looked now
for widdyman's house, where there
won't be any woman for him to part
WITH"
. Mrs. Mild-You seem to differ from
the usual idea about coddling man to
win his consent. According to your
theory scolding Is the best medium for
winning satisfactory results. Mrs.
;;Wild-That, my dear, is in accord with
lone of the laws of nature. Everything
has got to be blown up before it will
D;ohpoond nicnntoh
. Jones-Funny what an influence mu-
sic can have over the body. On the
steamer there were several people sea-
sick: but when Miss Bangor began to
paly the piano they all got over it as
if by magic. Smith-It actually charm
ed their illness away? Jones-On the
contrary, it was so much worse than
their seasickness that they forgot all
about it.
Great Explorers Friend (as the lat
ter is about to start)-Well, professor.
you've arranged for your lectures ant
book when you come back, haven't your
Great Explorer-Yes. Also my tcst;-
monials are written for the canned
goods, the clothing, the boats. and the
cooking utensils. All ! have TO do now
is to get lost and be rescued, and my
fortune is made.-Cincinnat CONNER
cial Tribune.
A Slump in Values.-"Eov' declared
Mr.. Whipping, 81 shall not pay three
dollars for the privilege Of taking you
to theater. l don't say that can't
afford it, but I claim that no ordinary
play is worth one dollar and fifty cents
a seat" "But, john" his wife replied,
''you used to take me SO often! You
didn't seem to think one dollar and
fifty cents seat was too much then"
"Alicia, don't talk nonsense. We can
sit just as near together at homo now
as it is possible to in the most cramped
theater in town."-Chicago Times-Ier-
aid.
"Now here is a book"-began seedy-
looking man quietly to a banker, whose
private room he had entered unan-
nounced. Don't want any books" in
tarrupted the banker. SnapDiShly.