Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-08-22
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other girl Bridget-That was my In
tenshun, any way. want to know the
koind ov woman We are!"-Bazar.
Financial Tommy: Ma-Tommy,
you seem to love pa better than you 90
me. Tommy-Oh. ma, don't mean
TO; but ye' see, pa allus has his pockets
full O. nickels.-Indianapoll Journal.
Flavilla There are only two kinds
of bachelors. Myrtilla-And who are
they? Flavilla-Those who are too
timid to propose, and those who are
too eous.-lndianapolis Journal.
School Teacher-What little boy can
tell me where is the home Of the swal-
low? Bobby-l kin, please. School
Teacher-Well. Bobby? Bobby-The
home of the swallow is the stummick.
Bits.
Highly Colored: Lady-You have
been drinking rum. Sandy Pikes-Not
drop, mum. L.ady-But how did your
nose get SO red? Sandy Pikes-From
drinking circus lemonade, mum.-Chl-
cago News.
Adjoining the Nursery: Mr.. Bricktop
(who has hit his thumb with hammerl
-! -! IL! Mrs. Bricktop-
John! Remember the children! III you
must use such Language, why don't you
srell UPTOWN Topics.
81 nebber could un'stan'," said Uncle
Eben, why it is dat l finds so much
mo- satisfaction in narchin' fob miles.
Ir11 tn n walking
few furlongs benin mule. sayin'
'giddep.' Washington Star.
"Do you go away this summer. Mrs.
Woods?" "Oh, yes; we spend two
weeks in Michigan with my people. and
two weeks In Ohio with my husbands
people; then we come home and let
them visit s.'-Indianapolis Journal.
Smith-If there is anything dislike
1t is shallow rS.n. Jones-Yes, but
there is one thing in his favor. Smith
I'd like to know what 1t is. Jones-A
shallow man doesn't require as much
watching as deep one.-Chicago
News.
"In England they say man Stands
for office. In this country we say q
man runs for Office. Why is thisT
"Well, the principal reason is that II
man stood for office over here he'd
never get one."-Chicago Times-Her-
aid.
Nvife-Oh, John! was shopping at
Joblotz to-day, and saw just the
sweetest thing there Husband
(diplomatically)-Yes. That's great
scheme Of Joblotz to have mirrors
all through the store.-Philadelphia
Press.
Tried to Obey: Papn-Aha! You have
disobeyed me. WillieI tried not to.
1t isn't my fault. Papa-Not your fault.
Ell? Willie-No, sir. You said, Don't
let me catch you at that again." an
done my best not to let you.-Philadel-
phia Press.
Early Ambitions: "Oh! NAH good
ness!" exclaimed little Abe Lincoln
Snow. 81 wisht wuz lai'; de little boy
In dis hyar story-book." .sWhuffer?"
asked his mother. "Kase hit seq he
went to bed VIII. de chickens. ~ hila-
delphia Press. e
Equiyocal Comment: This" said the.
funeral director" is the very latest In
caskets; what do you think of it?s
"Well," said the cigar man from next
door, after long study of the article,
"I'd hate to be seen dead In it."-In-
dianapolis Press.
Cupid's Bunker: "The Tifington-
Smith wedding is off," "How dreadful.
What's the reason?" "Oh, Miss Tifing-
ton wanted her name in three sizes
larger type than his on the announce
ment cards, and he wouldn't have it."
indianapolis Journal.
| Consistent, at Any Rate: "why,
Dolly. where's Marie? thought you
were playing circus" "Well. she got
mad and went home, cause wouldn't
give her any peanuts. l was the mon
key and she was the tiger. and tigers
don't eat peanuts" Bazaar.
A shop-keeper wrote to one OF his
customers as follows: 81 am able to
offer you cloth like the Enclosed sample
at half a crown yard. In case do
not hear from you, shall conclude
that you wish to pay only two shillings
yard. In order to lose no time. l ac-
ccpt the last mentioned price."-Tit-
Bits.
Hodown-I understand your wife i'm
sisted on drawing the plans herself for
your new house. Jigsup-Yes, she's
busy over there now. Hodown-Oh, I!
thought she had finished. She told my
wife she had all the closets laid out.
Jigsup-Yes, but now she's got to put
the rest of the house around them.-
Philadelphia Press.
Client dpn't think you ought to
charge SO mu III for your services. You
knew from the start that 1t would be
impossible for you to win the case.
Lawyer-And for that very reason I
ought to be paid more than ask. It
takes talent to abstract matter for ar
gument from case which has nothing
in it.-Boston Transcript.
"Oh, we had the loveliest arrange.
ment at our church society last week!
Every woman contributed to the mis-
sionary cause five dollars, which she
earned herself by hard work" "How
did you get yoursT" From my hus-
band.." Il shouldn't call that earning
IT. yourself by hard work" "You don't
know my acknowledgements Common
wealth.
Coast Trade Moving Southwark.
| Quebec was originally the natural
port of the Atlantic. 1t dropped down
to Salem, to Boston, now to New York.