Union gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1899-1900, 1900-04-06

Vsa III v@sS
what is your opinion about the
Boer-British warp "Well-so far A.
have studied II, 1t seems to be war;
Detroit Free Press.
Biggs-I hate to hear that Miss Jones
attempt to sing. 1t sounds to me like
screeching BaggtYes. I've noticed
that her voice is bawl bearing.
Papa tafter the company has gomez
Dorothy. why did you not obey me
when spoke to you? Dorothy-Oh!
papa. l hated to before all those people.
Truth.
Heard the news? Ladysmith has
been relieved" "Eh! Charged with
shoplifting, was sheY Well. these bar
gain counter sales are very demoraliz-
ing"
A woman generally keeps her ideals
till she makes up her mind that she
doesn't want to wait till she gets to
heaven to get married.-New York
Press.
what paper do you takeT at de-
ponds little on which way the wind
blows. Sometimes take Browns;
sometimes get Smiths" s."-Cleveland
Plain-Dealer.
How is 1t that DR.. N. has so many
patients" "Oh, his wife gives din
ner every month and the people who
get dyspepsia there keep him busy
Heitere Welt.
Visitor docking at portralts)-What Q
lot of ancestors you've got! Porken-
chopps-Thats dead right! l don't
want SO many, but Sarah she insisted.
Brooklyn Life.
"Is Brown happy in his marriage"
"Well, I think IL Brown were to see
Mrs. Brown to-day for the first time
he wouldn't even ask for an introduc-
tion."-Harlem Life.
Ethel Ito her younger brother, who
had been whipped)-Don't mind. broth
er. don't mind. Brother (between the
sobs)-That's just what was licked
for.-Ohio State Journal
Cholly-Your papa kicked me out
when l asked him for your hand. Miss
Gabby-Papa is SO intense. He puts his
whole sole into everything he UNDER
takes.-Baltimore American.
Doting mamma-Rodney. dear, to-
morrow is your birthday. What would
you like best? Rodney. dear (after q
brief season Of cogitation)-I think I
should like to see the school house burn
down.-Melbourne Times.
II Think" said the friend Of the fam
lily, that you ought to keep a watch
on your son." impossible" declared
the disg listed father. "He'd exchange
1t for a pawn ticket the first chance he
got"-Philadelphia Press.
MARY" said the mother. al don't like
that young man who Is calling upon
you. He Is fiighty. fdgety and does not
seem to stay long anywhere" "YeA.
he does, ma. He was here from 7:30
till after midnight last night"
Nihlack-It's hardly right to Judge .
man by his clothes. Krusty-That's
true. There are any number Of men
wearing golf suits to-day who have too
much good sense to ever play the game.
Catholic Standard and Times.
II don't understand my wife a bit
better than did ten years ago." 'Then
you consider marriage faIlureY "No,
indeed; went into 1t fully determined
not to wear myself out trying to under
stand her."-IndIanapolis Journal
81 want you to prescribe for my wife.
DOCTOR" whats the matter with
herY' ~ don't know. but I'm sure
there is something; she went shopping
yesterday and brought home part OF
the money l gave her."-Harpers Ba-
ear.
How are conditions in your part OF
the Slater" "All right" answered the
Kentucky mountaineer. "The dangers
all over. We were powerful scared for
4 while. but don't reckon there's any
chance Of an ammunition famine now."
Star.
whats the matter with Rashleighw
that's all" "Non-
sense! The mans cut and bruised
"Yes. He tried to stop q
runaway automobile by jumping In
front Of 1t and waving his coat at it,
Press.
"Are there only one pie for dinner.
asked little Sammy Snaggs,
lnxiously. Sammy" said Mrs. Snaggs.
'.you should not say Are there only
oneY You should say is for one and
are for more than one" "Yes'm. Are
there more than one pie for dinnerY'-
Chronicie-Telegraph.
"What time will you be home, dearT
asked the young wife as her husband
started down town after breakfast"
'.Oh, about / I. M, guess" was the
reply. "You mean p. M, don't your
she asked. NO." replied the heartless
wretch, ~ mean just what l said-1 t.
seeY'-Chicago News
Mrs. Rambo ION the inside. Of the
front door)-Absalom. you have been
drinking againl Mr.. Rambo ION the
M dear, Il Mrs. RAM
bo-Say Prompt payments patiently
produce prosperity" Mr..
payments patiently
prosued pos Mrs. Rambo-Absalom,
you can go up to your room by way OF
the back door.-Memphis Commercial
Appeal.
Freddie (whose pa is strict dlscip-
can you have man ar
rested If you think he's going to kill
your Ma-Certainly, my son. Freddie
Then I'm going to git out a warrans
for pa. Ma-You shock me. Freddie.
What reason could you possibly have
for any such action against your faith
er? Freddie-Why. heard him tell
the lumberman this morning to bring
him a CARLOAD of shingles.-Richmond