The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1900-01-09
Letter from hob. EagersoIL
[CaIdweIl Reeord.1

before leaving New York. Sam
Jones inadvertently told the
truth, just as he predicted, and
as ! myself secretly expected, /
am in Hades. Came straight
through on the flyer without a
stop. | am sitting on hot ciEder
writing this letter on piece of
of slate gouged from the hang
ing-wall with my trident. A
trident, !" you know, is one of
those funny looking little pitch
forks like Neptune used to carry
about with him at the seaside.
Everybody has one, and it makes
a fellow think he's at a Drum
mer's convention.
When | was on earth | didn't
believe in hell, for 1 had travelled
in Texas, and didn't think there
could be two places so much
alike. But l hadn't been here
half day till l believed In it
whole lot. 1t is much more genu-
inc and realistic than I anticipat-
ed, but l think I'll like it when l
get acclimated. Just now my
feet are blistered from walking
on the hot pavements, and I'm
dabbling them in the river Styx
to cool them off. / was talking
to Moses while ago, and he
says they will soon get colloased
and then I'll be all 'hunkydory. y
He has read my Mistakes of
Moses, and laughingly admit
ted that he made a good many
when he was new at the busi-
ness. He is a jovial old cuss,
and l rather like him. Told me
on the dead-everything is ION
the dead" here-that he didn't
write the'Pentateuch, but knows
who did.
There are lots of people here
and strangers arrive daily. But
l would not advise you to come
down till fall or winter-and
even then you needn't bring any
thing but light summer suit.
You won't need an overcoat or
umbrella or skates. you might
bring along a palm leaf fan or
two. For an Imaginary" my
thical." " ''figurative," ''aIlegoric-
al" and ''unorthodox" hell, this
is about the hottest one l ever
got into.
But say 1 got here just in
time to strike a snap. Henry
Ward Beecher had just been re-
tired on account of age and
Mephistopheles appointed me to
succeed him as boss of the New
York colony-the largest one
here. have a lovely new tri-
dent, with cute little speer point,
and the devil has promised to
get me long, red tail and a
pair of horns like his when he
goes over to the city next week.
He seems to have taken a fancy
to me.
There are ministers here of
every denomination, and several
camp-meetings are in progress
down the river. Horace Greeley
introduced me to Spurgeon and
old Peter Cartwright, and we had
a very pleasant little lark to-
gether. Moody has just arrived
and we expect Talmage to join
US soon. l have also shaken
hands with Tom Paine and Vols
taire. and they seem very pleas
ant gentlemen. Said they had
watched my career for some
time and were expecting me
daily. Ben Franklin called on
me this morning. He is wearing
his hair short and has stopped
inventing stoves. He is forming
a stock company for the manu-
facture of ice.
OF course the trust is down
here Solomon and Brigham
Young have all the women corn
cred. The politicians are organ
izing to defeat the present ad-
ministration and elect a new
devil. They want me to make
the nominating speech. You
know l nominated Blaine for
president once and did it up in
shape. Don't know who will be
the nominee. Jay Gould is run
ming well on account of his
money, and Judas Iscariot and
Ananias are quite popular.
l wish you could send me the
papers. / would like to know
what is being said about me. l
suppose they viii print a lot of
lmy old letters and publish
lenough pictures of me to start a
lrogues gallery. and every preach
er viii tell ''how it happened, .
and water Drained spiritualists
will commune with my spirit,
and all fhar sort nf fhiro