Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1900-01-05

y
Journal.
Help! help!" cried the man who was
being robbed. Calm yourself" said
the highwayman, Il don't need any as
sistance. ."-EXchange.
An art criticism: "Shed look better
without so much powder and rouge on"
Eyes. She isn't so bad as she's paint
d."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mrs. Oatcake reading newspaper)-
There are $4,000 Poles in Philadelphia
Farmer Oatcake-Gracious! What q
place to raise beans!-Phlladelphia Rec
ord.
Glow long have they been keeping
house" "Well, l understand they
usually keep one until the landlord in
sists on having the rent."-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Freddie--It's always in damp places
where mushrooms grow, isn't 1t, papa!
Papa-Yes, my boy. Freddie-ls that
the reason they look like umbrellas,
papa?-Tid-Bts
Physician giving adVice)-Lastly, Nc
CORY, don't go to sleep on an empty
stomach. McGorry twho is ailing)-No
danger av thot, docthor; vi always
slape on me back.-Bazar.
An EXplanation.-"You referred to
your friend as a dead game sports
man" Yes; he always buys his birds
in hn rl- or nnoI oro,, &c iS
cialty."-Washington Star.
Muggins-My wife insists upon hav-
ing the last word. Buggins-You're
lucky. In the bright lexicon of my
wife's vocabulary there is no such word
as last.-Philadelphia Record.
! The Missionary-My erring brother,
have you been Christianized? The Ma
tive-Not completely. They have COB
4 bled all my land, but st II have my few
hes.-Indianapolis Journal.
Don't be afraid, Willie! Tigers al.
ways roar when it's time for them to be
fed" "Oh, amt afraid, grandpa.
! Papa makes worse row than that
when dinners late at home."-Jugend.
Lady Of the house Ito applicant for a
place)-"Why did you leave your last
place" Servant-"Once l was caught
listening at the door" Lady-"Oh,
what did you hear?-Fliegende Blat-
ter.
"How did you manage to escape hay
fever this year, Clara? Il didn't.
Papa managed it." How" HE said
he couldn't raise the money to send
me to the mountains" New York
World.
Bride Throwing her arms about the
bridegroom's neck)-You are my prls-
oner for life. Bridegroom-It's not i'm
prisonment for life, love; it's capital
punishment.-Sydney Town and County
Journal.
Mrs. Wiltby-"I am afraid baby isn't
well, dear" Wiltby-"What makes
you think SOP Mrs. Wiltby-"He
hasn't had anything the matter with
him so long that I'm getting real wor-
ried."-Puck.
An evasive answer: Ranker-"Before
| accept you as a suitor for my daugh.
ter, l should like to know how you
!, stand politically. Now, am for gold"
. Suitor-"Thats what I'm after, STRIP
Town Topics.
The Military Obsession: Superinten-
!, dent-Yes, and where did John the Bap-
, tist live? Scholar-In the desert. Su-
| perintendent-Quite right! And what
, do we call people who live in the desert Z
Scholar-Deserters.-Brooklyn Life.
} Tired Tootstrong-"Ma Madam, will you
, please help a poor, homeless man out
Of his troubles" Madam (who was
+, raised in the backwoods)- ?
: Would you rather be shot or hit on the
. head with an axW-Norristown Herald.
Mrs. Bugg-"If you keep on being so
unreasonable / shall just have to 90
= home and live with mamma" Mr..
Bugg-"Stay, my dear, cannot be un-
: reasonable enough to conslgn you to
such a cruel fate."-Philadelphia Bull
letin.
? Jones called up his first wife at the
, seance last night, and what do yor
think he said to herT" said Smith
Goodness knows" replied Brown. "He
I asked her If she would give his second
, wife her recipe for mincemeat."-Pick
Me-Up.
l The Parting: She-Henry, dearest
e I have at last discovered that l Low,
! you! He-Ah, you have heard, then
t that my uncle has died and left m,
e $4,000. She-Sir, after that remark w,
e must part forever! l heard it was fifty
{ Judge.