The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1900-11-23

be .bo best offer OF the lot. He has so
persistently ignored the public while
living that he may pay the most tender
attention to individuals OF it when they
are dead. "Ah!" will say Pain, AN
other victim to my excellent system of
tram cars. Wen give him a bang up
funeral" and he will order out the
boniest pair of mules, run out his most
dilapidated car and put his most inso-
lent driver in charge and feel that he
has done his duty by the corpse and
soothed the feelings of it's friends. Why
lots of neople would die merely to en-
joy one of Pains funerals, and ceme-
terry stock would go up in great shape.
But Rapid Transit and Pain are not
the only aspirants. The Hawaiian Ce-
metery Association wants a finger in
the plea very cold pie indeed. This
corporation points out that the land
for a cemetery site at Diamond Head
ought to be put up at auction, il the
land is given to the Rapid Transit at
below market value it is going to en-
able that corporation to put in cut rates
for graves, which the Hawaiian Gene
terry Association decidedly objects to.
SO a merry fight over the burial ques-
ton goes along and competition in the
carrying of corpses, whether by cleo
tricity or by skeleton mules wakes
high, while the question of grave dig
ging and the sale of a hole in the
ground excites the livliest interest.
1t is very odd that no agreement
seems possible about the cemeteries.
The present ones are pretty nearly
filled up and the Board of Health went
off half work in an order forbidding
their use after a given date now long
past. This order had to be rescinded
because even the Board realized that
corpses could not remain unburied, and
so eXcellently has the resembling been
carried out, that the superintendent
have been burying bodies without any
burial permit at all, being satisfied that
permits could be obtained afterwards
and dated back. 1t certainly has been
a glorious system, and some day at the
Orpheum we shall have a song entitled
What can a poor corpse do?" which
will be as taking as the original What
could poor girl do?" Sung to an
| accompaniment of rafting bones it
might reach high favor.
A while ago, more than a year ago,
! there were several cemetery hunts and
the game was chased down to the Ha-
lava line, up to Kalihi valley, over the
ridge into Nuuanu, then up to the top
of Punchbowl where the hunters broke
their rolling stock and lastly a fine
burst to Diamond Head. 1t was a
most exciting chase and government
officials, medical men, legal men, land
men and newspaper men Joined in with
gusto. But they never could locate
their quarry, when the government said
here it is" all the rest shouted job in
stentorian tones. When the medical
men roared There she goes, an ideal
place for a cemetery" the lawyers and
land men howled DO you want to spoil
these lovely building sites. This is nc
place for your cold meat" And when
the lawyers and land men yelled. See
it! See it! the very place." everybody
cried Whose property do you want to
lessen in value?" and there We're un-
pleasant remarks about sharks. The
newspaper men said nothing but they
went to their desks and started a con-
trOversy which lasted some weeks and
brought in so much per. So no good
came of that save to the newspaper
men. Meanwhile What can a poor
corpse do?"