The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-05-09

bow and kissing her, that L like to--hlc
TO see you double"
And she put him tenderly to bed,
bathed his forehead the next morning
and forgot about the scolding she had
fully determined to administer to. him.
Missouri Excelsior
cit almost kills me to stand" moaned
the lady in the street car. IF | don't
get a seat pretty soon | shall just drop
And it was only the next day that she
stood uD two hours and a half while
she had dress fitted. But then that's
a different thing.-Boston Transcript.
II understand" remarked the polite
reporter to the manager of railway
nosed for the unpunctuality of it's trains,
That there was an accident on your rail
way last night
'Oh, do your was the sarcastic reply.
Yes, SIR
DO you know anything about it?"
Only that it happened to the train
which was due here at S:15.'
That train came in to the minute,
sir said the manager, firmly.
Are you sure of that!'
"Of course | am"
Thanks. That must have been the
accident referred to- and the reporter
lodged out safely.-Christian Endeavor
Word.
Bingo-'.I think, after all, shall go to
Europe with my family"
Twickenham-"Why, | thought you
couldn't afford it?''
We'll, it's cheaper for me to go with
them than to let them go alone. The
Smart Set.
Several years after the close Of the
Civil war q reception was held in Lynch.
burg. Va. to commemorate some national
event, says V. Halsey i'll Lippincott's
Magazine Many men were there assem-
bled who had fought in the war. Among
them was a major of Il Massachusetts
regiment. who, meeting Gen. ,Iubal Early
of the Confederate army, cordially greet
ed him. Pointing to his own decorations,
the major said: "Ah, general; yoH see
we have all the crosses now" 'Yes,
replied the old general; Sin olden times
they hung thieves on crosses; now they
hang crosses on thieves
Hewson-'' Young Mr.. Duley was in to-
day to ask for our: daughters hand in
marriage"
Mrs. Hewson-"What did you say?"
Hewson-"I told him you were in
charge of the finances of the family
Philadelphia North American.
"Ahr' walled the stage heroine, as the
calcium light man Illuminated her an
guished countenance. "Ah. This fierce
pain in my heart! This sudden gloom.
This"
Excuse me madam" said the profes-
sional-looking gentleman who arose in the
stage box, but if you see floating specks
before your eyes and do not breathe free
", you should try my famous Elixir of
Health 1t will
But the ushers had dropped him on the
sidewalk and the audience did not catch
the rest of his remarks.-Baltimor
American.
"Will someone please chase the cow
down this way?' said the funny boarder,
who wanted some milk for his oatmeal.
Here, Jane" said the landlady in
tone that was meant TO be crushing,
take the cow down there where the calf
is bawling. Chicago News.
Respectfully submitted us n sample for
the use of the fellows who write the
songs for the coming campaign:
He sunk those ships at fearful rate
Just off Manila landing,
And Tow the gallant ship OF state
He soon Will be commanding.
Mark and his Mack will have to tramp
Well knock Billy Bryan silly,
And in the White House we will camp
George Dewey and his Millie.
Denver Post
''You look robust" remarked the lady
of the house. Are you equal to the
task Of saving wood"'
Equal isn't the word, madam re-
piled the pilgrim, as he resumed his Jour
ney, I'm superior to Philadelphia
Record.
A young gentleman took his little sis
ter with him while calling the other
evening at a house where he is a regular
visitor. The little girl made herself quite
at home, and showed great fondness for
one of the Young ladies. hugging her
heartily. How very affectionatc she
is!' sad the lady Of the house. Yes; so
like her brother" responded the young
lady, unthinkingly.-Bu Buffalo Courier.
Voice from up stairs" Loweeza.
Hasn't dot young drummer gone home
yed?"
Loweeza- Its all right, fadcr. Ikey
Loses nottin' by it. He will charge it up
to de firm as shleeping car
The following characteristic rhymes of
the months are said to have been writ
ten by Richard Brinsley Sheridan:
January-snowy.
FcDruarE-HOWy.
March-blOwy.
April--showery.
May-fowery.
June-bCwery.
July-mOppy.
August-croppy.
September-pOppy.
October-breeZy.
Observation-Disclosures.
December-freezy.
"Do you think there will be much in
terest in this political enterprise?''
''Interestv' repeated Senator Sorg-
hum. It'll be more than interest It'll
be dividends. Washington STAR
This story won't do at ALL" said the
publisher to the ambitious writer ",The
detective chases man all over the world
and never catches him.
'Well you see, it's a realistic story"
explained the writer. But the explana-
ton was unsatisfactory.-Detr Free
Press.
Doctor Ito patient who wishes to be
treated for an impeachment in his speech)
DO you always stutter?'
Patient "O-o-only when IL
talk. Judge.
-:O:-