The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1900-11-29
BEAT THE CORNETIST


old building near jackson square. 1t is a
ramshackle barracks, but the atmosphere is
delightfully."- bohemian, and we were all i'm.
mensely pleased with our quarters until
about six weeks ago, when young German
bookkeeper rented the last vacant room in
the hail. lie was a pompous pinkfaced
chap, with white eyeashes and a military
walk, and, while you could see at a glance
that there was nothing congenal about him,
we could no doubt have put up with his
presence all right if it hadn't been for the
fact that he played the cornet
The first night the new lodger tuned up
every man on the floor thought it was sim
ply practical joke but when it began all
over again next evening, we put up ire
mendous kick. The German was perfectly
calm. He said he belonged to a music so.
ciety and was obliged to practice his parts.
He had no other place for rehearsal, he said,
and, having rented his room for six months
without any special conditions, he proposed
! to toot just as frequently and vociferousy
as he pleased. Ii we didn't like it we could
go to blazes, or words to that effect; and
thereupon he shut the door and started in
on a b fiat.
Unjust confess the fellows deadly GOODNESS
sort Of awed us, and when we held a council
of war nobody had any practical suggestion
to offer. OF course, one or two were in favor
of a slugging match then and there, but
wiser oounsels prevailed, as they say in the
papers when the lynching delegation for.
gets the rope, and we decided vaguely to try
moral suasion.' Ii didn't work worth
cent. Then we attempted counter.irritation
in the shape of pounding on pans and filing
saws, but the cornetist kept right on
through all the uproar without missing
note. One of The boys undertook to get him
drunk, but was laid out stiff himself at two
a. m, and the German practiced for the
balance of the night-deadly sober. When
we appealed to the landlord he only shrugged
his shoulders and turned out the palms oil
his hands.
THE room next to the German" contin.
ued the young man, 'is occupied by my
friend Billee, who works in an architects of.
flee One evening, about two weeks after
the trouble began, ! was passing his door
when ! was startled by the most blood.
curdling growl ever heard in my life. II
was not very loud, but there was a concen.
trated, tigersh ferocity about il that made
my hair bristle on my head. 1t was such a
sound as one would imagine might be made
by some savage beast half crazy with rage OF
hunger. l stopped stock still, too surprised
to think, and again the growl sounded from
the closed room, longer and more terrifying
than before.
AT that the Germans door flew open
and he came bouncing into the hall as pale
as a CHOSE. My Gott! he gasped; what is
dot, anyhow"
Before / could reply Billee himself ap.
peared 'Good-evening, gentlemen, he
said, pleasantly; 4 hope my pet isn't an
noying you.
What the dickens have you got in there
Billee| | asked.
"A Hondurian pig-dog,' he replied; "a
very rare animal, given to me this morning
by friend from Central America. This one
has record as a man-kiler,' he went on,
and has already chewed up four or five ma,
tives; but I'm going to tame him and teach
him to do tricks
"Where do you keep the brute? l in
qulred, beginning to smell a rat.
have him tied up in my closet, he
said.
AT that the cornetist turned green. The
closet is a double affair, opening into both
rooms with only flimsy partition between
In der closetn the musician roared
You must take him audit right away! Dot
pig-dog might bite the boards through!
We'll, sir said Biee, calmly, Il rented
my room without any special conditions as
to pig-dogs, and | propose to keep him in
the closet as long as ! jolly well please
Good evening.
Needless to say, Billee's pig-dog became
the sensation of the hour, and while we all
understood that it was put up job of some
kind, nobody could imagine how it was
done. We could hear the growls and Bill.
ices voice speaking to the creature at the
same time, so it was evidently not vocal
imitation, and he replied to all question
with mysterious smile. Wait and see,
he said, and meanwhile he was careful t
lock the door every time he went out. III
would be a terrible thing, he remarked,
casually, if that pig-dog were to get loose
in the hall
"On the second night the cornetist tuned
up rather timidly, and instantly the pig,
dog began to growl. For few moments
the duel continued. Then Bilee came into
the hall and knocked on the Germans door.
Excuse me-, he said, very politely, but
wish to inform you that music infuriates
this animal of mine and it is impossible fol
me to control him while you are playing 1t
is nothing to me, he added, and you may do
as you please; but / felt it my duty to put
you on notice
shall complain to the police, said the
cornetist, furiously
All right said Billee, and presently the
footing was resumed, but it lacked its usual
vigor. At each note the snarls of the pig.
dog were fearful to listen to, and in about
an hour the concert came to an abrupt
close.
''We!l, the new lodger stood it exactly
one week, and, pom my word, he had my
sympathy, Every evening he barrcaded his
closet door with all the furniture in his
room, and | have my doubts whether he
slept wink. know he invested in shot.
gun and about bushel of ammunition, and
he exhausted everything in the way of pro.
test, both to the landlord and the author.
tiles. At last he surrendered abruptly,
moved out bag and baggage early one after.
noon, and we arrived in the evening to find
him gone.
THAT night We celebrated the capitula.
tion by grand smoker in Bllees room, and
as a special feature of the entertainment he
In ,f ~