The Saint Paul globe., 1900-04-30
SMART SHORT STORIES.

missionary had joined the aggregation to
look after the morals of The Indians,
thinking that Bronco Bill would bear a
little looking after also, the good man
secured seat by his side at the dinner.
table and remarked, pleasantly: This is
Mr. Bronco Bill, is it not?"
"Yaas.'
"Where were you born?
Near Kit Billiards. mill, on the Big
Pigeon"
Religious parents, L suppose?"
"Yaas."
What is your denominations"
"My what?'
"Your denominations"
"Oh-ah-yaas. Smith and Wesson."
While In a peculiar mood one day the
late Stephen J. Field severely reprimand-
ed Page Henry Mccall for an offense Of
which the page was innocent. But the
member of the highest court in the land
could not be persuaded that his course
was not the correct one. Mccall left hui
INFLATED, but he was little gentleman
and held his peace
Later in the day Justice Field sent for
Mccall.
"Come to my house at o'clock this
evening" was all he said.
With mingled feelings Of doubt and de-
spair the page called at the Field resi-
dence at the time specified. was usheTed
into the jurists library, and told to hold
the books which Mr.. Field began, with
| out explanation or ceremony, to take from
the shelves.
When the veteran lawyer had piled
about fifteen volumes into Page McCall's )
| arms, he gruff1y remarked;
Henry, I'm very sorry for the way 1
| treated you today. 1 realize that my
conduct was unwarranted, and l beg
f.Ln
books. Keep them as a nucleus for your
| library. Keep them, young man. and
keep your temper, too, whatever you do!
Good night!'
In the midst of one of Gen. Forests
campaigns a captured federal chaplain
was brought to his headquarters. The
man showed the deepest anxiety and de-
preston, for stories of Gen. Forests $
severity were rife In the Union camp. A
little later supper was announced, and
Forrest, to the chaplain's surprise, in
vited him to share it; but his surprise
grew to amazement when the general
turned to him reverently and said:
"Parson, will you please ask the bless
ing"' The next morning Forrest Cour-
teously gave him an escort through the
confederate lines, for he wished no nom
combatants for prisoners, and bade him
| good-by, with the remark: "Parson, L
would keep you here to preach for me If
you weren't needed so much more by the
sinners on the other side
Senator Clark. Of Wyoming; Senator
Shoup, Gen. L. C, Ainsworth Gov N. O.
| Murphy. of Arizona, and representatives
and railroad men went on a tour of in
spection a short tine ago of a road rur-
ring out of Washington. They had pri-
vate car, which was presided over by a
porter named Johnson.
When the car got back to Washington
the men made up a purse for johnson,
and Senator Shoup was selected to make
the presentation. Johnson was called
into one of the staterooms where the men
had assembled. Senator Shoup scolded
Johnson for his many delinIuencies, but
finished by saying:
Notwithstanding all this, Johnson, we
have decided to make you a little pres
ent, which ] now take pleasure in hand
ing yeu."
Johnson took the money and smiled
Gem men, he said, II shore is grateful
for this yere gif. You is all gem men.
Yessir 1 kin shorely say you is all sem
men, from Senator Shoup up"
| While James Whitcomb Riley and Bill
Nye were travelling together they found
themselves registered at country inn,
says the Cincinnati Post, and, in the adj
joining room, separated only by q thin
partition. was recently married couple
who We're evidently just beginning to ind
each other. out, The woman was raj
ing at the man in. waspish tones. and
the husband was gruffiy replying whcn
ever opportunity afforded. Both were
mad clear through. Finally the wife ejac
ulated. with tears in her voice # not m
her eyes: you told me you were well
off before we were married.! ''By Cd,
was!" roared the husband, "but didn
know it!'
Another time Riley and Nye were in
the cotton belt, where lard was unknowa,
and where cottonseed oil was used in
cooking The taint of cottonseed MT
them at every turn, and their stomachs
finally revolted whenever they ventur2d
into a dining room. Nye grew desperate,
and tucking Riley under his arm he s9l-
lied forth to a cafe where he could per-
sonalIy superintend the cooking of a
steak. Then Nye hied himself to a butch
er's STALL where he seleCte ed a tenderloin
of ample proportions, and, returning 70
the cafe, he cooked and served 1t himself.
Riley says that the steak tasted like nee
tar After each had eaten his fill Nye
called for the bill, and was surprised
to find that he had beer charged $2 o6.
Usually he never kicked against big bills,
but this excited his comment, and ne
demanded to know why he was charged
so much where the expense had already,
been borne by himself. In rich Southern
dialect the cafe man replied: al need the
money, sah!' Nye paid without further
facf