davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Taney County republican., 1900-04-05
Give the Children n Drink

called Grain-O. 1t is delicious, appetizing.
nourshing food drink to take the place OF
coffee. Sold by all grocers and liked by ali
who have used it, because when properly
prepared it tastes like the finest coffee but
is free from all its injurious properties.
Grain-O aids digestion and strengthens the
nerves. 1t is not a stimulant but health
builder, and children, as well as adults, can
drink it with great benefit. Costs about as
much as coffee. Is and Csc.
The doomed man had a last request to
make. "Pray do not tell my parents" he
implored, that l was hanged" What
shall we say killed you, them" we asked,
suspecting nothing "The dropsy!" cried
the wretched fellow, with loud laugh
Detroit journal.
The Taney County republican., 1900-04-05

"When is a pun not pun?" Usually
Harvard Lampoon.
The Taney County republican., 1900-04-05
THE MARKETS.

New York, March 81.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
A Dimcult Position.

She liz q rich and dressy grandmother
who came over from Chicago to attend
a social function given by her daughter
residing in Detroit. There was quite
a house party, and she declined to ap-
pear at dinner on the night of her
arrival.
"Are you ill, mamma?" inquired the
daughter.
"No, v better in my life" Then
| she said something In strict confidence.
"Now don't try to argue me out Of 1t.
I'm just as proud as I was 40 years
ago. Can't little Charles slip down to
the telegraph Office with the message?
I'll not telephone it or trust to a mes
senger boy"
Certainly" and Charles was sent,
after having entered a noisy protest.
| When dark came the old lady ven
tured down on the veranda and o
| asked Charles IL he had attended to
that little errand.
course i did. Missed a game OF
ball, too, up on the commons"
81 hope You didn't read what grand
ma wrote?" from the mother.
"Yep, / read it. Twasn't sealed up.
I laughed till / fell of my wheel"
"Charlesr"
'That's what I did. Went fiat on the
pavement. But / can remember every
word of It,"
"Look," almost shrieked the grand
mother, and the boy saw a half dollar
sparkling in the electric light across
the way.
"I1l take you" he whooped, with his
inherited sporting proclivities, mis-
taking her meaning. 1T said: Send
teeth. Upper bureau drawer. left hand
corner
Two of them led grandma upstairs.
Detroit Free Press.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

There is at least one lady in Ken
wood who believes thoroughly In the
efficacy Of prayer. About q year ago
her husband engaged in o business
venture that looked rather uncertain.
But his wife had strong faith that II
would turn out well. Go ahead, John"
she said, land let US put our trust
In the Lord. / pray every night that
we NAV have no reason to regret the
rick we are taking" The affair seem"
ed TO turn out pretty well right from
the start. Handsome dividends were
paid all through the summer n dur
ing the winter and great JOY was in
the home Of this man and the sharer
Of his fortunes. But there came q
turn about a month ago. The busi-
ness ceased to pay, and since then the
losses have been increasing every day.
Nothing was said about it at the nre-
side around which SO much happiness
had conferred during the past year
until the other day, when it was sug-
pested by the husband that 1t would
he well to cut down expenses. Cues
lions followed, az a matter OF course
and then 1t had to be confessed that
tha business was not goingw well.
"Dear me!' exclaimed the distressed
,adv. when all the truth had been re-
yealed to her, "I must begin praying
AGAIN tonight"
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
ON A
The Famous English Writer Condemned
It In an UNIQUE Way,

Gne FAMOUS GASiSn HFsLeR CO0oemneQ
It In an Unique Way.
Thomas Carlyle, the famous English
writer, once scathingly condemned
war; The following Is the argument
characters in his Sartor Resartus:
What. speaking in unofficial LAM
guage, Is the purport and upshot Of
war? To my knowledge there dwell
and toll in the British village Of
Drumdredge, usually some 500 souls.
From these, by certain Natural Ene-
mics of the French. there are success
sively selected during the French war,
say thirty abls-bodied men. Drum
dyedge at her own expense, has suckl-
ed and nursed them; she has. not
without difficulty and sorrow, fed them
up to manhood, and even trained them
in crafts. go that one can weave, an
other build, another hammer, and the
weakest can stand under thirty stone
avoirdupois. Nevertheless. amid much
weeping and swearing, they are sell
ected; all dressed in red; and shipped
away at the public charges, some 1000
miles, or say only to the south Of
Spain; and there fed till wanted. AID
nov to the same spot, in the south Of
Spain, are thirty similar French arti-
sans from a French Drumdredge, in
like ann vending; till at length,
after infinite effort, the two parties
come into actual t~uxtaposition, and
Thirty stand fronting Thirty, each
with q gun In his hand. Straightway
the word Fret Is given; and they
blow the souls out Of one another; and
In place of sixty useful brick crafts
men, the world has sixty dead carcas-
SEES, which it must bury and anew shed
tears for. Had these men any quar-
rel? Busy Is the devil Is, not the
smallest! They lived wide enough
apart, were the entirest strangers;
nay, in so wide a universe. there was
even, unconsciously, by commerce,
some mutual helpfulness between
them. How then? Simpleton! Their
governors had fallen out, and instead
Of shooting one another, had the cum
ming to make these poor blockhesds
shoot. Alas, 80 1t is in Deutschland,
and hitherto in all other lands; still
as of old. What deviltry soever Kings
do, the Greeks must pay the piper ="
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Hoax-Those men both 60 to ex-
tremes. Joax-Who are they? Hoax
Ones a barber, and the others 3
chiropodist.
your daughters education Is fin
tshed, l believe, Mrs. TopnotchT" Oh,
no. poor child! she has two weeks yet
at the automobile college"
THAT plain little Miss Bullion made
4 q'ieer match. She married q mar
nearly six feet and a half TALL" HE
must have been the highest bidder"
Madame" said the tramp, 81 was
oncet q member of the Legislature"
And are you sure" she asked, in
clined to believe him, "that your
reformation is completew
trim war grows grimmer every day
TO do so is it's nature.
lhe names of Chinese towns are worse
Imam Transvaal nomenclature.
Mr.. Flatdwell with paper, reading
war)-l see that the Argyles received
their baptism of fire yesterday. Mrs.
Observation-Disclosures gracious! Did
their gasoline stove explode?
REALLY" exclaimed the waitress in
Mrs. Starvem's boarding house, who
had seen better days. 1--WE never furnish
a knife with pie" "No?" remarked
the new boarder; well, then, bring the
axe"
Stubb-They say Elwood was con-
fined to his home last month. Govt
again? Penn-No. you see he had to re-
main home and mind the baby while
his wife attended the mothers con-
gress.
We've been told in flowing rhyme
OF footprints in the sands of time.
And yet we can't help wondering why
The footprints come when time does fly.
She-Doesn't the grand old sphinx
awaken glorious emotions in your
breast? He-Well, yes; that is-she
always reminds me of a woman who
has firmly Determined that she will
never tell her age.
Muggins-T've been awake all
night with q ~toothache, and I dread
going to the dentist. Buggins-You
haven't any nerve. Muggins-I
haven't, eh? That's just the trouble.
/ have, and it's exposed.
Magistrate-What are these prisoners
charged with? Policeman I arrested
them for fighting your honor. They
them for fighting. your honor. They
are a couple Of golf players, and-Mag-
~istrate-Send for the court interpret
er.
"My gracious" cried the sympathetic
girl; your dog seems half-starved.
He looks as IL he hadn't had anything
to eat for a week." Neither he has,
poor fellow" replied the college
student; II forgot all about him."
"Why, where was he?" Locked up In
my study ROOM"
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
Mamma Got Tired.

"Mamma, does money make the
MANI"
81 am sorry to say it does sometimes,
Tommy"
Money will make a man go any
where, won't it,"
~ suppose So"
IF it was down In Cuba would
money make a man go to raising man.
goesy'
"Don't bother me-"
"Do monkeys eat mangoes, man.
map
81 presume SO. I wish you wouldn't
talk SO much"
'"Then If money makes the man go
to raising mangoes, and monkeys eat
mangoes, don't the monkeys make the
mango 60"
Whack! Whack!
,"Ouchw-Chicago Tribune.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
7 en-
Pain

az asRs q school fea0hosS
hav0' swfferod ag0ny
monthly for tea years.
16My nervous system
Yves q vyFeoks . Suffered
vviRh PaEss Gs nay side ana
had almost evoEy M
k1s0Wzsr Hhaa taken treat
s1aesf fFoRss q number Of
pls ysSeEans WHO gave me
30 relief
<s0ne spo0Eakxsf SAID mo-
medicine could h@Ap H7sey
q must submit 10 an
0~PoFaERoNs
81 wrote to EgFss Pink
ham, stating sssy ease, and
received a prompt Feslys
Z took EyosEa 2 PEsskhaass'S
Vegetable COMPOUND aHa
fon0wed EAse ssesvsee given
Rapo aRs@ now 4 suffer no
ass0Fes IF any ono cares
10 kV8OW more aboGf RRgy
case q WIFI OhoerfWHYy
answer ali ~IoffePSs's-
MISS EDNA HESS1 HIg~
gRnsp0s41 Ohio
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
AvolpABLE ACCIDENTS.

How Familiarity with Accidents Besets
Cerelessness-
There Is no saying truer than that
familiarity breeds contempt, says an
old Pittsburg railroad a Take, Tor
example, men who handle high ex-
plosiyes. When they first go ON the
work they handle the explosive tenoer-
" and gingerly, but with the constant
handling of the dangerous compounds
they grow careless, and dangerous and
deadly explosions are frequently tns
result. We had q bad accident at n
time, and in order to clear the c
it was necessary to dynamite the
wreck. On the wrecking train the
dynamite was in one box on a fat-car,
with the caps in another, while a tnlro
box was provided in which to place
the dynamite cartridges when capped
and ready for use. The two men IN
| charge of the dynamite, as the wreck
| ing train neared the scene OF the accEz
dent, began to make ready the ex-
plosiye. One man affixed the cap TO
the cartridge, and then tossed 1t to his
companion, some seven or eight 1eeI
away. who caught and laid 1t In the
box We never knew exactly what
happened. Either one nan missed his
catch or the other dropped a cartridge
in Gaping, but the car, dynamite ana
men were wiped out Of existence; a
large hole where the car n tracks
had been marked the scene OF that
familiarity breeds-contempt accident
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
THE YOUNGEST oFFIcEHoLoER.
Superintendent OF Squirrels Move Blu
MAY BE President.

Superintendent OF Squirrels Nows Blu
May BE President
Francis NJ. Marriott, Jr., aged sf1
years, Is the little lad who has beel
commissioned by Governor Nash al
superintendent and general attendan'
Of the squirrels in the State House
yard, Columbus, Ohio" and has re
ceived his elegantly engraved commits
sion signed by the States Chief Elk
ecutive.
Mr.. and Mrs. F. NJ. Marriott ant
their son were with the Governor last
summer on a vacation trip through the
st. Lawrence and Saginaw River val
leys. On this trip Master Francis be.
came very much attached to the Gov.
ernor, and the Chief Executive found
a warm place in his heart for little
Francis.
Since the Governor has taken his
seat Francis has called on him regu'
larry when he came to Columbus. The
little fellow has a love for pets of all
kinds, and has been greatly interested
in the large number Of squirrels in the
State House yard.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Little Francis is enthusiastic over
his commission. He talks Of it thus:
II like Governor Nash because he
has given me all the squirrels I want.
{ am going to feed them every time I
go to Columbus. Papa has promised
to get me a nice uniform like Dewey
wears, and when l feed my squirrels I
am going to wear 1T. I am going to
feed them hickory nuts and peanuts.
and I don't know If they like sweet
cake or not, but l will give them some
IL they want it,"
Francis has been widely congratu-
lated over his appointment, and re-
eeives q very heavy mail every day.
He Is very well known. and thinks
that he will have to get a private Sec
rotary to take care Of the work that
has come to him through his new
Office.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
UNANSWERARLE

Why Is it that the wandering fiy,
Who might be happy In the CLEAN,
VI summer SUN, prefers to die
Anu thereby spoil the breakfast creami
why does the hateful sparrow thrive
Whlie song birds into silence sink7
why does the paste brush still contrive
Somehow to get into the ink?
why does 1t rain each holiday
Anu shine throughout the toilsome
week?
Why does the freckle find its way
Unerring to the fairest cheek7
Why do the weeds disnlace the fowers2
why does a discord drown the song2
In short. upon this world OF ours,
Oh' why does everything go wrong?
Washington Star.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
Natural Born Citizens.

N~atural-born citizens are citizens
horn within the territory Of the United
states. There was q discussion OF the
eligibility of a person for the presiden-
CIV who was born Of American parents
IN a foreign land when Speaker Crisp
of Georgia, who was born of American
parents temporarily residing in Eng
land, was proposed as a candidate for
the presidency, and the general trend
of opinion was that such a person.
being fully recognized as a citizen OF
the United States, and being eligible
TO other offices, il eligible to the presi-
dency.-St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
A Prominent Physician.

DR.. G. I. 8. Cawthon, of Andslussia,
Ala, writes: "I And Tetterine to be
superior to any remedy known to me
Tor the care of Eczema and other stub
born forms of skin diseases" II there
we're only many others as honest as DR..
9. how much mankind would be
blessed by this truly wonderful anti
dote for all itching eruptions. 6Oc. a
box at druggists or by mail from J. T.
Shuptrine, Savannah, Ga.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
rlitsraoY In European Armies.

The armies Of Russia and Servia
have 70 per cent Of their soldiers IL
literates, unable to read or write. Two
other European countries have ct
etst 40 per cent. il~literates In their
armies, namely Italy, with As per
sent, and Hungary, 40 per cent. In
Sweden and Denmark there Is not a
s.agle ~illiterate in the army Of either
country. From the latest army re-
urn 1t is learned that 81 per cent Of
Great Britain's soldiers can read and
write, and that 80 per cent possess a
liberal education.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
Ru,raa Zealand Farmers.

About 800 Icelanders emigrated from
Liverpool to Quebec a few days ago.
en- route for Manitoba and the north
west. The recent order in council
rendering compulsory the slaughter of
foreign sheep and cattle at the port
OF arrival in Great Britain has ruined
the prospects Of many Icelandic farm
ers, whose sheep require British pas
turage before they are fit for killing.
This has induced many Of the island
ers to leave for Canada with theiE
families.-London Chronicle.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
now rt.s am Auto.nobile Horne.

Objection having been made to the
automobile on the ground that it has
nothing in front of it to STEADY" it,
and therefore does not look right, an
ingenious man has invented and pat
ented an automobile horse. This horse
is NIT to be placed In front Of an auto
mobile carriage, but is to be "hitched
up Ito any carriage. He has the work
Of locomotion "in his midst" and will
draw the carriage after him just as the
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
COX uoo For FIyinp Nrac,,,ra.

The American government Is to devote
996. 900 to the purl ose of experimenting
with flying machines to ascertain their pracs
ticability for use in the army. This In a large
sum to use for an experiment, and yet 1t can
mot compare with that spent uselessly by
dyspepsia cures, Take Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters and avoid expense and uncertainty.
It Is made expressly to cure constipation.
dyspepsia and all stomach disorders.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
Judiclons Investment.

aAngelina, you r spending q big
lot Of money on artistic dies for your
stationery"
.WeIl, what of it? II ! ever get to
the poorhouse I'll have something to
proye that I'VE seen better days."
Record.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Little deeds Of kindness are. after
all. what makes life lovely, and de-
velop the flowers Of affection and sym
pathy. II would be q dreary world
with nothing but mountains in IL, and
a dreary life with nothing but heroic
action springing from it-Edward
Wheeler
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

To prevent stock from jumping over
fences q Virginian has designed a har-
ness which leaves the animals heads
tree to Craze, comprising a crupper and
halter, connected by straps running
between the animals forelegs, which
prevents lifting the head high enough
10 jump.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
Wanted Corpse Stuffed.

In Yorkshire a clergyman, the other
ia6 visiting a poor man who had just
lost his little boy, endeavored to con-
sole him. The poor man burst into
:ears, and in the midst Of his sobs
exclaimed: If 'twarna ag'n t'law A
should ha' liked to have little beggar
.$ooeod
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
STATE or OHIo, CITY OF TOLEDO, D..
LUCAS COUNTY. Sc

Q COUNTY,
FRANK J. CHENEY makes oath that he Is the
senior partner Of the firm of t. J.. CHENRY IL
%. doing buslnessin the City ofToledo County
and State aforesaid, and that said f rra viii pay
che SUM OF N DoE,hAas for each
and every case Of CATARRH that cannot be
cured by the use of HAI.I.,s CATARRH CURE.
FRANK J. CHENEY,
Sworn to before me and subscribed In my
S-~l presence, this 9th day of December.
SEAL A, D. 1885, A. w. GIRAaoN,
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally, and
acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces
Of the system. Send for testimonials, free,
F. ]. CHENEY 6 CO., Toledo o.
Sold by Druggists, T5c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Dc Your Feet Ache AMI B Urn?
Shake into your shoes Aliens Foot Ease, a
powder for the feet. 1t makes tight or New
Shoes feel easy. Cures Corns, Ingrowinc
Nails, Itching, Swollen, Hot, Callouz, Sore
and Sweating Feet. All Druggists ana Shoe
Stores sell it, 25c. Sample sent FREE. Ad-
dress, ALLEN s. OLMsrEp, LeRoy, n, Y.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Ten years ago New South Wales
and Victoria were about equal IN
population. but the former ID now
considerably ahead os Ito sister
celppy.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

ordinary unpatented horse would. The
motor mechanism In the horse consists
OF two electric motors, supported upon
crosg bars, and driving through chains
and belts, the shafts of the driving
wheels mounted on the horses hind
legs. The steering is effected by reins
held by the driver, the neck of the
horse for this purpose being %intersect-
ed and mounted upon ball bearings,
and the reins attached to a crosshead
mounted on a vertical spindle. This
spindle goes down into the horses fore
legs, and by it the legs can be twisted
in any direction. The automobile horse
can be ridden as well Is driven to har-
ness. When be Is used as a saddle
horse he can be steered by turning the
crosshead with one hand. The animal
q warranted sound and kind.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

NOTICE WANTED-Two~ travelling sales.
men with or without experience. Salary and
expenses. Peerless Tobacco Works, Bedford
Cify VS..
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
Where the Paint Went.

where the Paint WenE
The Philadelphia Press tells a story
of a house painter who seems to hay"
a very pretty wit. IT thought you WEI
working on Jay FRANKS new house
said the house painters friend. =
was going to-" replied the house paint
er, "but / had a quarrel with him and
he said he'd put the paint On himself"
And did he do it?" eyes. that is
where he put most Of it"
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

To Cure n Cold in One Day.
Take LAXATIVE BRoHo QuININs TABLRrs. All
druggists refund the money If 1t fails 10 cure.
g. W. GROVES signature ts on each box. Csc.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

The Best Prescription for Chills
and Fever is a bottle of GRovE's TAsTRLRes
cHTIL Tonic. Il is simply iron and Quintne in
o tasteless form. No curs-no pay. Price 800.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

A Desperate man.-Merchant-"Do you
speak German2' Needy Applicant-"I never
have, but, gracious, I'll tackle 1t Ii you give
me a Job Indianapolis Journal.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

The longest canal in the world is the
Erie, in New York, extending from AL
bany to Buffalo. a distance Of 831
miles.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

TIL average man seems TO Join a lodge for
no other reason than to furnish a pood Ell.
cuse when he wants to be out nights
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Rich men in China pay no wages to their
servants. The latter depend open tips from
visitors to the household.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

FITS permanently cured. No fits or nervousness
after frst DAYS use ofD +. Hines Great Nerve
Restorer. 81 trial bottle and treatise free Dr. K.
q. KLINE, Ltd., s31 Arch St. Phtla., Pa.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Willie-Pa, what's the difference between
insurance" and "~assurance?" Pa-well, the
latter Is b the agent has and the former
is what he tries to sell you.-Philadelphia
Press.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
Every Boy and Girl

A girl who marries a printer may not get q
paragon type of manhood, but he will be :
nonpariel la his affections.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Piso's Cure cannot be too highly spoken OF
ss a cough cure.-J. w. O'BRIEN, 322 Third
Ave-, N, Minneapolis. MINI, JAN, 9, 1870.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Don't Drink tno much water when cycling.
Adams Pepsin T It'll Frutti is ON excellent
substitute.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Lots of men would rather swindle q fellow
man out of a nickel b earn a dollar by
aoneet labor.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Letters are shot from Paris to Berlin, a d S.
lance of 700 miles. through a pneumatic tube,
in thirtY.iYe minutes.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for children
teethiDg, sOftens the gums. reducing inflams<
ton, sllays pain, cures wind collie, &c q bottle
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

rUTEAM FApELEgs DYES are fast "a
sunlight, washing and rubbing. Sold hy
ali druggists.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

The sweetest natures are those possessing
the faculty of being contented under all cir
,umstances.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

There is no time for hair-splitting when
the lives of American citizens are being I'm.
lawfully taken.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
The Heat Pre-

Don't be too cr~itical-with other people,
that Is to say. You can't be too critical with
yourself. -
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

uWe've had a terrible time In our nat this
summer ''Sickness?" No, we got our fold
Ing bed open and can't get it shut
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

A brigade of servant girls might do more
In the warfare against . hina than q regi-
Eent of soldiers.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

Mothers must not forget that Dr., Moffett's
TEETHIEA tTeething Powders) will cure their
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

wanted, SAlesmenin Zach State 20 Sell
ToBAccosA and CIaARs. EXPERIENCE NOT Apso-
1uTELI NECESSARY. Factory 21S, Thaxton, Va,
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
Do Your Feet Ache ami q ,r,9

When a preacher goes away on a vacation.
some good old sister in his church remarks
that tie devil never takes a rest.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

should learn to write with Carter's Ink, be-
cause it is the best in the world. Ink
llngs In Ink" free. Carter's Ink Co, Boston,
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

The gondolas at Venice are rapidly disap-
2earing. giving place to fussy little electric
launches,
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22

When one woman out OF a hundred has
nothing to say the other nlhety-nine are ask.
ing what Is the matter with l. eY.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
wardina OF Danger.

How nice it is to escort q young lady home
from church and then accept an invitation to
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-22
HUMOROUS.

Hoax-Those men both 90 to ex-
tremes. Joax-Who are they? Hoax
inc a barber, and the others .
chiropOdist.