The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-05-27
Fun of the World


in a chest into two bottles. and when
ever any of his crew happened to be sick
he drew an imaginary line across the
mans stomach. and according as the
pain was above or below that line he
gave him a dose out OF No. ! or No. 2
He claimed that no man ever came to
him twice-which was very likely
z ( z Z
H. c. Barnabee, a popular comedian OF
the Bostonians, tells story about :
baby which made the hit Of the even
ing ar a certain performance of pa
tienee'' in which he took part There
was a young couple up in the gallery"
he says, land they had the baby contin-
gent along. My thunderous tones re-
peating my lines. Where the dust OF an
earthly today is the earth of dusty
tomorrow awakened the baby. and 1t
began 10 cry loud and long Then came
my lines. It's little thing Of my own.'
1 made the most Of them. and the house
caught on, and yelled itself hoarse."
z z <
The other evening, while a young San
Franciscan was calling, with his little
sister. at a residence on Pacific avenue,
the little girl was vigorously embracing
che of the young ladies Of the house.
Some one remarked OF the little tot:
How very afectionate she isl Yes,
so like her brotheri" responded the young
lady, unthinkingly. And then she won-
dered why every one laughed.
q &c e
The most successful pun ever perpe-
trated at commencement, says the
Saturday Evening Post, IS attributed to
Charles Jerome Bonaparte. the brilliant
American member OF that famous fam
lily, who is a trustee OF Harvard, and
I T.
at the Johns Hopkins University. and
there was a crowded and distinguished
audience. Mr.. Bonaparte presided. The
address was TO have been delivered by
a. member of the faculty who was re-
maYkably absent-minded, When intro
dueed he stood up and confessed TO the
large audience that ne had forgotten en-
tirely that he was to make an address;
he recalled that something was on his
mind and he intended the night before
TO write out a speech. but instead Of
| that it slipped his memory, and he went
to the opera. With that he sat down.
Mr.. Bonaparte arose and spoke these
three words:
Opera non verba.'
There was a slight pause and then
roar of laughter filed the hall.
x x x
ing his vacation in Maine found himself
one evening in a hotel in Portland
While he fingered a terrible storm took
place The windows of the room in which
he was sitting were broken by hailstones
almost as big as eggs" The proprietor
OF the hotel noticed that the barkeeper
turned aside to drop a tear.
Does the storm scare your he ven
tured to ask his guest.
TT isn't that" replied the barkeeper,
''but can't bear TO see so much crack
ed ice wasted on a prohibition state
z < z q
The following is a copy of an authen-
tic letter recently received by one of cur
large railroad companies:
Opal, Dec. &c. 1899
Mr.. -, Chief Clerk, Freight Depart
.lent, Salt Lake:
Kind Sir-PIees excuse my writing to
you, but dood not feel have ben
treeted rite by your kumpany. ordered
5 big U. P. cars for to lode stears at
Opal Dec End, and was promised them
shure by your Agent their. He said he
would have them shure for me and
kut out bunch OF stears TO lode $ Z. r
cars and when i got TO Opal found
lot Of damd old short line cars ful OF
dirt froze in chuncks. l tried TO git
anyway, but ne only LATED at me and
glide me, he sed he felt for me but was
10 strong to fork dirt, but would lend
me a shovel and help me grunt. now
Mr.. - want 10 no IL that Is the kind
of treatment | am TO git all the time. l
and my men had to shovel the dirt out
OF those six shawl cars, then lode them
With only some ha in the bottom. and
the agent kiked because l put the Ia in
the cars, he got rec! gay and told me
had better not get extravagant as Bryan
mite be the next president and wood
want the ha TO chew myself. beg TO
submit the following elaine. go pds Ia
at 50. ton 81 so one extra car did not
need IL he'd ben given the L. 7.
cars was promised S121. total $l25.
Plese let me here from you soon.
jam. A. -.
ZEE
When Charles Dudley Warner was
editor of the Hartford Press, back in the
eos, arousing the patriotism Of the states
by his energetic appeals. one of the
typesetters came in from the composing
room one day. and. facing Mr.. Warner.
said: Mr.. Warner, 1 have decided TO
enlist IN the army" With mingled emo
tions of pride and responsibility Mr..
Warner replied that It pleased him that
isn't that" said the truthful compost
tor. "but I'd rather be shot than set
your copy"
& x <
During the armor-plate debate in the
senate. recently. MI Chandler said the
armor-plate manufacturers could be held
to an agreement by a legislative threat.
He was interrupted by Mr. Stewart. who
said: What do they care for a threat
"a threat running over ten years? That
reminds me Of q story
Il should like to go On" said Mr..
Chandler. testify
And I should like to tell a short
story" replied NJ. Stewart, with some
warmth.
rs Il a Western story2' inquired Ar.
Chandler
YES II is story OF soldiers stealing
chickens from a woman. She came out
and told them they would be punished
for f. They wanted 10 know who was
going TO punish them and when they
would be punished You VIII be pun
ished IL the next world she said. oh.
well the soldlerp answered. II ~e can
get as long a credit as that ven take
some more chickens
zz gz
David Harum vas ! good horse trader.
but a recent transaction II horse-iiesh
which was maze 5y = well-kn0En Mem
phi-n shows that there arc others who
know row 70 get the long end 81 a horse
trade Several weeks ago this Memphis
man saw a Enc buggy horss which be
thought be wanted he located TIE
owner and asked the price One fifty
was ire reply. After locking the animal
over closely and trying HE speed. he con-
csuded * VAS a good trade and without
more ado wrote a check for the amount
Tae next day he foBad thar TIE mare
waz a. blind as a bat bit this &c nor
hinder her speed nor dstract from her