davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
HUMOROUS.

Usher 1.-THE court having been much
annoyed by the shutting of feet)-
.Niu ye hould yer tongues up there
with yer feetin the gallery!"-Punch.
.He is not in,' said Mrs. Shortly to TIE
collector. Madam, know he is not
tin" said the. collector. ''What want
to know, has he any ?-Baltimore
News. @
Long-"Family troubles, Ell? What
rock did your domestic ship split on p
Short-"It was the absence of rocks
that caused the split. IN. O. Times
Democrat.
First Globe Trotter-"When in Rome,
did you do yourself as the Romans do p
Second Globe Trotter-"No. 1t took all
my time learning to do other people as
the Romans did len. Y. Press.
Mrs. Newrich-"Oh, dear, no! Ny
husband don't have be insbusiness no
more. He's justsa gentleman now"
Mrs. Blugore7" That must be pleas
ant change for him. "-Philadelp hia Rec
ord.
!. ST really believe Miss Blumer would
be willing to run for president. she's SO
ambitious" Land, yes; but she amt
SO particular. Shed run for smaller
man than that4ifsshe thought she could
catch him. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mrs. Browr-"She spent ten years
trying to catchss.a husband" Mrs.
Jones' That's what she's doing now"
II thought you said she was married. !"
~Yes. She spends her time trying to
catch her husband in some kind of mis-
chief. Troy Times.
Il notice you started to smoke last
night when Miss Sweetey was enter
tanning Mr.. Slowpop," remarked the
piano stool. Eyes replied the parlor
lamp. II saw she was just waiting for
IN excuse to turn me down. Catholic
Standard and Times.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
Forsettins Wives Letters.

ForgettinE Wives Letters.
He carried the letter around in his pocket
for Eve weeks"
Then what did he do?"
"He wrote to his father-in-law asking him
what he'd better do. His fatherin-law wrote
right back and said he was awfully glad hin
son-in-law had written. The letter reminded
him that he had a letter in his own pocket
that he had been carrying around for six
weeks"
Didn't he offer any advice?"
Not word. So Briggs fused around and
worried, and at last opened the envelope to
zee how much mischief he had done by re-
tanning it. What do you suppose it con-
tanned? "A recipe for making tamarind jelly,
clipped from some newspaper, together with
two almanac jokes and sample of cheap
bingham. Briggs flung the whole outfit in the
Ere and felt better. But he chuckles every
time he thinks of his old father-in-law and
the burden he may still be carrying
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

An. Atchison young man is running his
health and his prospects by remaining up
every night until II o'clock; he fears that
If he does not tramp the streets every night
until Il o'clock something very remarkable
will happen and he will miss it. Il An old
rounder,. in whom we have confidence, says
that he has been looking for something re-
markable to happen for a great many years.
and been disappointed. -Atcbison Globe
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
2. :. - 7ll5
Non.SfnEahle Boats.

The latest invention for saving life comes
from London, and is anon-sinkab)e boat. II
people would pay as much attention to the
preservation of life in other ways, there
would be great Improvement. Hostetter'a
Stomach Bitters is a life preserver, discov-
cred 50 years ago. It cures dyspepsia, indi-
gestion and all forms Of stomach trouble. It
Is an excellent tonic for the whole system
and may be had from any druggist.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
For the Grave.

A solicitor in a Georgia court is respon-
sible for the following: He. overheard a
conversation between his cook and nurse,
who were discussing 4 recent funeral Of .
member of their race, at which there had
been great profusion Of flowers. The nurse
said: '0When die, don't plant no fowers
on my grave, but plant good old water
melon vine; and when it gets ripe you come
dar, and don't you eat it, but jes' bus il
on de grave and let dat good old juice dribble
down through de ground. ~ uth's Com.
nanion
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
GUIDED BY INTUITION.


Fl begin to think there is no limit to wom-
ans intuition. 1t frequently enables her to
read character on sight, but what gets me
and strikes me as uncanny ls the fact that
this same intuition Projects her knowledge
into the future and makes her about as con-
versant with things to come as with things
past. :, -. -
ket was so active / put in hours every day
studying quotations, OCCUPATIONS, and the
outlook. As the result Of conclusion
reached by this careful method invested
$500, made good margins, and was finally
glad to let go with a loss considerably larger
than my original investment.
During period of confidence and in the
enjoyment of prospective riches l had told
my wife of my investment and Of the good
things she might expect when the deal was
closed. It gave her the speculative fever
and she was bound to make plunge. j She
doesn't know what the word stocks means.
couldn't figure on the outlook if she had all
the data and slate and pencil. Yet she
came to me with $l0O she had saved in old
teapots and stockings and told me to buy
p @. M. shares. / sneeringly told her that
they were dead and buried; that she might
as well invest in dry oil well or sunken
ship. But her mind was made up. / thought
the lesson would be a cheap one for her and
Iobeyed.
'Those shares took sudden jump to the
surprise Of everyone and she cleared s., 900.
she said, when we compared notes. r. g.
M. stands for pretty quick money, but q
stupid man would never see it,
Heavens!" Then the Detroit broker who
had been talking dashed to the floor Is
cent cigar he had just it.-Detroit Tribune.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
Apples stuned with Alnond..

Pare the apples and take out the
cores; fill with chopped almonds;
sprinkle brown sugar over; bake till
the apples are soft, frequently bast-
ing them with their own juice, as this
will glaze them. Serve perfectly cold
with whipped cream. This is a deli
'cious dessert and 10 quickly and easily
Observation-Disclosures.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
HirheP Criticism,

The savags held b. tempsf ad1aira6lyih ..
i've gesture, sis our Bible!"
sThen Of course you have no higher crit
icism!" exclaimed the enlightened man.
shuddering.
4Oh, but we have!" protested the savage,
yehemently. 'Why, there are among us any
number Of advanced thinkers who wonder
for instance, if there isn't too much salaratus
Here we see that the mind is alike impar
tient Of letters, no matter what mans cor
poreal condition be.-Detroit Journal.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Jack Nurvy called upon old MoneybaRs
last night and asked him for his daughters
hand. That was brassy of him. What
did the old man say" Said I'll com
promise with you, young man, and give you
my foot. And he did. Catholic Standard
and Times. s s.l.ls IS 4-a-s-'-"-. -s
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
A Literary Note.

The denizens Of the forest were or.
ganizing literary club.
We must make the porcupine presi.
dent" said Br'er Wolf. "His style il
full Of good points,"
Permit me- = remarked Br'er Rabbit,
to recommend q reptile friend Of mine.
He can Fyt M rafting tail. Catho.
lie Standard and Times.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Some hats are SO loaded with wings.
breasts, heads and tails Of birds that it seems
that q little gravy is all that is necessary
to make them appear like f,ame dinner
Philadelphia Times. 5S@1.e !. s8s
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
Deafness Cannot BE Cured

p 4 & ID
81 local applications, a. they cannot reach
the diseased portion of the ear. There i
only one way to cure deafness, and that i
BY constitutional remedies. Deafness Is
caused by an inflamed condition Of the mu-
cosls lining Of the Eustachian Tube. When
this tube gets infamed you have rumbling
sound or imperfect hearing, and when it is
entirely closed deafness is the result, and
unless the inflammation can be taken out
and this tube restored to its normal COM
dition, hearing will be destroyed forever;
nine cases Of Of ten are caused BY catarrh,
which is nothing but an infamed condition
Of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
cannot be cured By Halls Catarrh Cure.
Send for circulars, free.
F.J Cheney b CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills. are the best.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Hello, Gsubson! / never expected to
see you waiter at restaurant. What has
brought you to this, old fellow?" Same
thing that brings you here to eat, most ike.
poverty st. Louis Post Dispatch. 8
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Don't you wish you had minded me:'
said the stern mother, as she piled the pad
die to her erring son with monotonous fre-
quency and vigor. Il wish" said Johnny,
as he tried to twist around SO that the PAD.
die would strike him slantingly, Il wish /
WIZ orfng. Ohio State journal.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

So long as we have the self-made man,
there will doubtless be call for the ready
made ancestry-Detroit Journal
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
Everything q Disease.

doctor, if microbes in food are hurtful,
what makes me get so stout? =
'Oh, my dear madam, there is flesh
lis journal.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

1T seems to me, remarked the prospect
I've tenant, as he noted four inches of water
in the basement, that this cellar leaks. =
nLeaks! Not bit Of it, spoke up the hust-
ling agent, why, that waters been there
Philadelphia Record.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Hewitt-"There is always room at the
top. Jewett-"I suppose SO, but some Of
Us never get near enough to the top 1.
6nd out. Town Topics. sse
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

A good agent" is a sort of confidence
man; he makes you buy things you did not
want.-Atchison Globe. 80.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Piso's Cure for Consumption has saved
me many Doctors bill IS F. Hardy, Hop
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
Undue Haste,

The Circassian-What became of the fel.
low who started in to fast 40 days?
The Wild Man-De manager advanced him
quarter de second day, an he broke his leg
gittin' to restaurant-N.Y. journal. Il
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

An is fair in love--except the actions of
The other fellow Chicago Daily News.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
scows That Pass In the Night.

Jacques leaned over the gunwale Of the
fatboat as she foated lazily down the De-
troit river. He smoked his pipe.
Pierre hung over the rail Of the scow that
in hazy smoke.
In the moonlight the two boatmen rec
ognized each other.
H Ito, Pierre. How you geet along"
"Oh, ! been geet along. How you geet
alongy
"Oh, been geet along, too"
How your seek fatair geet along,
Jacques?"
My fatair? Oh, she geet along She been
died last eek."-Detroit Free Press.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
Not Made Is.

Manager-Why don't you 60 ont
You're all made up.
Leading LadyAll except my mind
That won't y until you pay me my ~
arYPuck.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Every baby is the sweetest baby in the
world. You were once considered the
sweetest thing in the world, although you
may not look it now.-London Tit-Bits.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

To Cure Geld In Ono Nay
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets, All
druggists refund money il it fails to cure. Csc.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

a lot Of the conversation worked OF in
society ought TO be dumped, III the garbage
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
HIS ABILITY,

Seldum Fedd dat Teller, Hungry Hooks,
is a credit to de perfession. s.,
Soiled Spooner-You bet! He could steal
de soda right out Of biscuit widout break
in de crust.-Judge.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Does her family tree have anything to do
with making woman willowy Boston
Transcript.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

Dyeing is as SIMPLE as washing when yon
use PUTNAM FADELESS DYES. Sold
by all druggists. st
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11

The Rest Prescription for ChiIls
and. Fever is q bottle of GROVES TAsTELEss
CHILL Tonic. tits simply iron and quinine in
atasteless form. No cure mo pay Price, SOC.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1900-01-11
a Baa Case

Doctor-You are troubled with insomnia.
when it's time to get up.-Puck.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29

The second annual exhibition of
the Warrenton Horse Show Associa-
ton will take place Sept. 5 and 6.
An Akron, Ohio, mob to satisfy its
passion for a negro fiend's blood for
outraging small white girl, wrecked
the city hall, killed two men, and
destroyed 100000 of property.
Senator Tillman and the preachers
of South Carolina are having a bit
ter personal fight oyer the liquor
question.
Fourteen anarchists from Italy are
In Jail in New York, charged with
conspiracy to assassinate President
Mckinley.
Maj. John W. Daniel will open
the campaign In Luray on October
18th with speech on the issues now
before the people.
Commercial relations between the
United States and Spain are now full
ly restored, and the current year, it
is thought, will be a record breaker
for trade.
Robt. F. Leedy, a leading stump
orator in this section for Mckinley
in 1896, has joined the democrats in
their fight against the republicans on
the issue of Imperialism. He will
take the stump for Bryan.
John j. Valentine, of the Wells
Fargo Express Company and prom
inent republican on the Pacific, coast
is out for Bryan.
Former Congressman Perry Bel
mont, of New York, who four years
ago was an ardent supporter of
Palmer and Buckner, has declared
himself for Bryan.
Edward NJ. Shepard, an emf
nent lawyer and leader of the gold
democrats of Brooklyn, has formerly
re-entered the democratic fold,
making an emphatic announcement
of his determination to vote for
Bryan.
DIR. Henry Wade Rodgers, former
ly President of Northwestern Uni
versity at Chicago and recently
called by the faculty of Yale, says
he will vote for Bryan and Stevenson.
In 1896 be voted for Mckinley and
Hobart. DR.. Rodgers is astaunoh
anti-imperalist.
After turbulent convention at New
port News, the Second district demo-
Gratis nominated Harry L. Maynard,
of Portsmouth, on the sixth ballot.
There were five candidates for the
nomination, and some hard words
we're passed before it was made.
Good feeling prevailed after the con-
vention adjourned.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29
The Price or Wheat.

Several days ago Secretary of Ag.
riculture Wilson expressed the be-
lief that wheat would go up to 81
per bushel by the end of the year,
basing his opinion on the crop
reports, which Indicate a shortage of
100000 bushels, as compared
with the yield of 1899. Since then
the statistical bureau of the Agri-
cultural Department has supplied
further data which conveys interest
ing information about the crop con-
ditions abroad and reveal state of
affairs with respect OF wheat which
tends to insure a continuance of ad-
vanced values.
According to the departmental
bulletin, the crop in the countries of
the Southern Hemisphere, including
Argentina, Chile and Australia, will
fail 10000 bushels below last year.
In portions of India including Ben
gal, the Northwest provinces and
Punjab, more than an averaged crop
has been gathered, but for the En-
pire as a whole the production
amounts to only Isl, 1884, 900 bushels,
against 236,679,000 In 1899 and an
annual average of 225, 456, 900 bushels
for the preceding five years, indica-
tions also show that the Russian
crop will fall below the average,
while Germany will harvest some
what above the usual output. The
rest of Europe will have about an
average yield, with The exception of
Great Britain, where a deficiency of
100000 Winchester bushels is no.
ted. Mexico had an abundant crop
aud Manitoba poor one.
These returns show that outside
of the United States the shortage, as
compared with last year, will amount
to about 100000 bushels. Ad-
ding this quantity to the deficiency
IN this country, we obtain the formi
dabh total of 1sO,OO0,OOO. This is
equal to almost one-third of an
average American crop, and should
have a pronounced effect upon prices.
Tn wheat-growing farmer there
fore, will hardly make a mistake if
he holds out for an advance on the
amount he has been receiving.-Bsl-
timore Herald.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29

In political circles there seems,
to be a widespread Topping over TO
Bryan on the question of Imperial
ism of many prominent republicans
and gold democrats, comparing with
the desertion of the democratic ranks
in 1896 for Mckinley. Keep this
question before the people; the more
its evils are ventilated the more re-
cruits that will come into the dem
ocratic ranks. Mr., Bryan accepted
the populist nomination in a speech
declaring that enimies of republi-
canism should unite. Stevenson has
been named by the pOpulist execu-
tive committee for Vice-President,
Q. A. Towne having refused to &C
cept said nomination.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29

Representative Richardson, chair
man of the Democratic Congressional
Campaign Committee, has prepared
for publication a few of the reasons
why the "plain people" are not in
clined to meekly accept the inspired
statements of trust organs and speak
ers, showing what natural necessary
and benifoent institution the trust is.
Here they are:
at requires 80 per cent. more wheat
TO buy a stove than 1t did in 1896.
1t requires twenty bushels more corn
10 buy wagon than ii did in 1896.
1T requires 100 per cent. more corn
or wheat to buy copper kettle than in
1896.
1T requires twice as much corn 10 buy
a coil of rope as in 1896.
at requires 40 per cent more grain to
buy pillow than in in 1896.
1T requires 20 per cent. more grain to
buy hoe, a rake, or a shovel than in
1896.
"a set of commOnwheels that cost 81
in 1896 now cost twelve
liz PAiOC VI Ou4llNdiOE5 ana Otlcr
farm implements have gone up proper
tionately.
"Galyanized barbed wire costs from
81 to $3.50 per hundred more than in
1896.
ut requires 40 per cent. more corn or
cotton to buy a pound of sugar than in
1896
You have to pay 90 per cent. more
for glass than in 1896.
Freight rates have climbed back to
the exorbitant figures which caused a
popular revolt in legislation few years
ago.
The price of oil, coal, lumber, tools.
and hardware has gone up from 40 to
100 per cent.
and all these things have been done
by trusts.
A trust robs you waking or sleeping,
eating or drinking, working or playing,
living or dying, and the Coffin Trust
gets you in the end"
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29

In China, since the occupation of
Pekin by the allies, there are many
rumors afost about serious compli-
cations and contentious among the
powers. 1t is said that Russia, Ger
many and Japan will join hands and
fight the difficulty with the Chinese
to finish and have asked United
States and England to withdraw.
Tuesday papers say that big battle
has been fought at Pekin, the allies
suffering a repulse and losing 1880
men. This news is unconfirmed.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29
Beers Still Worrying Roberts.

Impstience and irritation over the
long delay in reducing the Transvsal
to subsection" states the Philadel-
phia Record, "have led the British
public to indulge in some harsh crit
ioism of Lord Roberts. But there
was no good reason to suppose that
the war in South Africa would end
with the overrunning of the Free
State and the taking of Pretoria.
"The most active and tireless en-
emies of British power-the Trans
vaal Boers-are still unsubdued, and
are possessed of unexpected resources
In men and munitions of war. They
have 5000 troops at, Machadodorp,
on the Delagoa Bay Railroad, and
have concentrated at this point their
entire equipment of heavy artillery.
If this is to be the Beers last stand
they have certainly given Lord Rob
erts a problem extremely difficult of
solution. 1t is very doubtful wheth-
er the British commander could spare
from his widely scattered forces an
army sufficient to cope with the last
forlorn hope of the Beers"
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29

The Liberty Congress of the Ma
tional Anti-Imperialist League last
week adopted resolutions advising it's
members and sympathizers to "sup-
port Mr.. Bryan as the most effective
means of crushing imperialism" The
administration of Mr.. Mckinley was
denounced for its course in Porto
Rico and the Philippines, and it was
agreed to push the fight earnestly
against the Republican candidates for
Congress as well as against the Pres
idential ticket. The members of this
league are mostly Republicans, some
of them of prominence, and their ac-
ton is q serious mrtter.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29

The large amount of local news
this week exclude from our columns
a great deal of editorial and general
news matter, which we would liked
to have published IN this issue. We
always give preference to local hap
penings, as we believe our readers
are like us-prefer local news.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29
Democratic Club.

Democrats who wish to take part in
the organization Of Bryan and Stevenson
Clubs, are hereby notified that clubs will
be formed on Saturday, Sept. LIST, at the
following places:
COURT HOUSE, AT O'CLOCK.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1900-08-29
Notice!

a meeting of the Democratic Sub
Committee Of Battletown District is call
ed for Thursday, Aug. 30th, at 10 m, at
my office, for purposes of organization.
BLACKBURN SMITH