davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18
An Exclusive Line.

Never look for business booms." sai6
the pickpocket as he laid aside the paper
he had been reading and thrust his hands
into his own pockets for a change ''There
are no booms in my line. In the winter
season. when people are bundled up in
cloaks and overcoats. the slickest pick
pocket in the business has a hard time OF
It to meet his board bill and buy nickel
cigars. Our harvest opens about May !.
and runs TO November ]. and the general
condition of affairs has nothing to do with
1t. In fact, may tell you that / did
more business during the late panic than
for several years before. Put me alongside
with a man with pull in his pocket and
watch in his vest, and odds Is the differ
ence whether our factories are running ON
half time or working night and day.
There is no such thing as OVERRIDING II In
our line. For every newcomer in the
ranks there IS an old veteran laid away By
the police and SO our number is about tho
same from year to year. You may quote
me as seeing hopeful signs of a great bus
mess revival, but whether It natures or
not shall continue to push things ss here
tofore and take advantage OF all open.
inRs"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18
figured on a farm.

figured on farm.
ga farmer figures that 1t costs six
cents per pound to make pork for
market" continued Mrs. Bowser.
Those are his figures even when he
owns his farm and grows his own corn.
1t will take. in addition to all other
feed, at least twenty bushels Of corn
for every one of your pigs. Have you
figured on buying 10000 bushels of
corn, Mr.. Bowser?"
He began to flush up and breathe
hard. but he made no reply.
ITO care for a thousand hogs you
must hire at least five men. 1t will
cost you quite a sum to get them to-
gether. There will be more or less
loss to figure on. You must also iig-
ure on butchering and getting your
pork to market. And you haven't
counted in"
Woman, do you take me for a
fool" shouted Mr.. Bowser as he jump
ed off his chair and frightened abe
family cat under the piano.
mot at ALL, she calmly replied. "a
fool would go into this hog scheme
and lose $1,000 instead OF making 49,,
900, but you won't"
He didn't know whether to bluff it
out or give in gracefully, but finally
decided to do the latter. Her facts
and figures were beyond dispute and
has laid him cold, but for fear che
would feel pulled up over it he said:
"Of course, should have figured 1t
all out to a penny before investing
any money. What you say is all
guess work, but We'll let it go fop a
time. In fact, he hog scheme way a
secondary matter. I've got better
thing than that. l was in hopes
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18

ed in their mad career to investigate
and they soon discovered that I was
humble and harmless and that they
had narrowly escaped launching an in
nercent Teller man into eternity. The
mayor rendered many apologies, and
smilingly replied by gettin' off few
good things as follers.
"The inherent may suffer fur a
time, but they ginerally make it pay
'em at least Is per cent.
1.-THE wicked flee as before hurri-
cane, but the honest man has time to
stop by the roadside and count the
curls in the pigs tail"
Sometimes thar amt over thre per
cent in keeping yer hands on OF other
folks property, but the gain comes in
when We don't git hung in place OF the
other teller"
Then the band of patriots slapped me
on the back, called me old man and
the right sort, and the balance OF the
night was spent in festivities that
cheered but did not inebriate. In the
follerin' two days every man. woman
and child in Tinker's Dam came down
to my wagon TO hev pictur took, and
there was peace and harmony and no
trust. When finally set forth to pur-
sue my way was follered by the good
wishes of all, and as l logged along
felt TO observe:
"A man may wear a paper collar, an
old hat, and boots with the heels run
down, but integrity viii grow turnips
fur him on the roadside"
And also:
Never expect string beans to climb
sun flower stalks, nor make knot holes
answer fur firewood."
And likewise:
1T amt that one man IL better than
another In this world, but It IL IN
KNOWN when It r. afe to pick up an
other mans hosss.-
LETT Tinkeris Dam : few miles -
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18
Nothing Like a Bear Trap.

TT was about eleven o'clock ono night"
said the man with the peculiar gait, that
I stopped at milk house up in Vermont
to get a bite to eat before turning in The
milk house was an adjunct to a farm
house, of course. but as all the good people
were abed I thought I'd help myself and
me Ike no trouble. / found the door locked
and in seeking entrance by the only win
dow l stepped both feet Into bear trap
didn't make the mistake of thinking I
had stepped on an iron hoop or a hoe ham
die. l knew 1t was bear trap as soon az
heard the click OF It and was fully pre-
pared to yell as the teeth bit into my legs.
You bet yelled. with grunt or two, but
I'm telling you that a bear trap IL worse
than wagon load OF red hot pitchforks,
1t was a good half hour before the old
farmer came out with lantern, and al
most as long before he could spring the
jaws open and release me. and then what
do you think l ascertained7 Before going
to bed that night he had placed pitcher
of milk. a loaf OF bread and big piece OF
cornbeef on a shelf to the left of the door,
and though the things were right untier
my nose 1 hadn't seen them The trap.
big as 1t was. had been set Tor a skunk
which was trying 10 burrow under the
house. 1 was given a bed in tho woodshed
and had good care, but It was six weeks
before I could limp down to the gate and
two months before could resume my tour.
My present gait which you will observe,
is a sideways. sidelong motion, with an
extra bow to the legs and stiffness about
the knees. is due entirely to the bear trap.
If you meet any one who doubts that there
is anything better for catching a tramp and
holding him as long as may be necessary
ton"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18
MR.. BowsER's TR1BULAT1oNs.

He Comes Home Loaded With Fig
ures and Meets Several WaterIoos.
That Mr.. Bowser was about to ns-.-a
a break of some sort was apparent to
Mrs. Bowser before he had been home
five minutes, but she asked no ques-
tions, and he managed to hang on to
himself until after dinner. Then he
rubbed his hands together and
chuckled softly and said:
Il suppose that if I should tell you
that l expect to make clean thou
sand dollars month on the outside
for the next five years you'd call it
one of my fads, wouldn't your"
Perhaps not" answered Mrs. Bow
ser, doubtfully. Are you going to
speculate?'
Not at all. / have simply struck a
sure thing"
IF it's sure thing it will be nice.
What is it?"
I'll tell you, though you won't I'M
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18
PILGRIM JOE.

Having Truth. Justice and Integ-
rity on His side He Was Neither
Hung Nor Jumped.
AS was calmly restin' fur the night
in the town of Tinker's Dam l was
suddenly and rudely awakened from
sweet slumber by small but choice
band of patriots. They were patriots
who lived in the town and had It's best
interests at heart, and they were
headed by the mayor. When 1 had
been hauled out OF bed by the nair
of the head and a rope tied around
my neck. his honor wanted to know
if I had anything to say fur the ben
eft Of posterity.
Il hev." says /. II wish to observe
that In the midst OF life we ar In
death; and that hog who won't root
won grow fat
Are you going 70 confess bsfors ~
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18
The woman H. M.a

Mr.. Blinks--I met a woman to-day
that / thought a good deal of once.
Mrs Blinks--0h, you did?
Eyes. l used to do my very best To
please her."
Hump"
az did everything I could to win her
affection"
my goodnessl"
AT last l succeeded"
"Wha-"
"She granted all that I asked, and
by so doing made me the happiest man
alive"
'Merciful"-
81 asked her to come up to the house
with me to-day, but she had some
shopping TO do and cannot get here
until supper time"
"Mr. Blinks, l am going home to my
mother
''She isn't home, my dear. II was
your mother that met. She gave me
YOU"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18

die?" he asks as he gives twist to
the rope.
CAS- to what?" gays l.
"As to what We did with the boss We
STOLE
Then I realize that a mistake has
bin made, and l sits down On the bed
and humbly but firmly purseeds to
crate as follers:
"Feller bein': It is with sorrer that
hev to inform you that no hangin'
won't take place here tonight. The
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18

reason fur it is that the boss thief has
got fur, fur away, while am only a
humble and bow-backed pilgrim with
out guile in his heart. | arrived in
this town this afternoon with a grass
hopper in a bottle. sympathy fur my
Teller bein's in my heart, and the pos
SCISSOR OF an old boss and wagin fur
the takin' Nv tin types at ten cents a
take. AS tina Is nuthin' to hang me
fur / object to bein' hung"
Then the little band Of patriots paus-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18
thousand dollars. +"

thousand dollars"
That's it. / invest $1,000 in pigs.
At the age OF two years every pig is
ready to be made into pork. The ev-
erage weight of a two-year old pig
ready for the pork barrel is two hum
dred pounds. Fresh pork Is worth
thirteen cents per pound. That is s26
for every pig, or $25 clear profit. Any
man with an ounce Of brains in his
head can figure $4,000 clear profits
in two years. Is there any fad about
that?"
I'm sorry I haven't got a business
head on me-" said Mrs. Bowser as she
got pencil and paper, "but will figure
with you little. Where are you go
ing to fatten your hogs?"
why, on a farm, of course. You
don't suppose I'm going to turn the
basement of our house into a pig pen
do your"
But where is your FARM"
Mr.. Bowser's jaw dropped He hadn't
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18

derstand. Not one woman in ten thou
sand has business head on her l
have often wished you knew something
of business, so that ! could talk to
you. 1t isn't your fault that the Lord
created you to read novels and CAD
around to the stores in search of bar
gains, and so don't lay it up against
you. I'll tell you what my new move
is. l am going into hogs"
81 can understand that much" quiet
1y remarked Mrs. Bowser. "You are 60
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18

hind me, and had stopped by the road
side to let my grasshopper have his
usual daily frisk, when weary pill
grim comes along on foot and stops
to look me over and say:
HE who seeketh after Truth may be
in rags and hunger fur a time. but
in the end his reward shall be great"
knowed from his words that he
was a philosopher. and I extended a
fraternal plug of terbacker and replied:
Eyes, Truth is a guide-post to the eye
and lamp to the feet. He who find
eth and follers her will be led to peace
and prosperity"
"Hev We got mishun?" says he.
81 hev," says !. I'm takin' tin
tin types at ten cents take, speakin'
words of consolashun to my Teller men
as go and strivin' to make the world
better all around. Mebbe you've got
a mishun too?"
''Durn me IL I hain't!" says he, as
he peels off his ragged old coat and
limbers up his arms. my mishun is
to take keer of Israel j. Jones, who is
down on his luck. and you jest git up
and hump yerself outer this!"
Eur why the hump"
"Bekase this outfit jest suits me and
I'm goin' to take possession"
''Feller pilgrim" says I. ''it ar evil
dent that we both love humanity and
would make the world brighter fur
them who sorrer and hev not bin COM
forted. Bein' as that ar the case, and
bein' as I'm bad man when aroused
in my feelin's, you'd better take an
other chaw Of terbacker and pass on. I"
'I'll be burned If l dol" he yells as
he jumps up and down and filings his
self about. Its my dooty to take keer
of Israel ]. Jones before anybody else
in this world and I'll gin We three
minits to disappear"
Still retainin' my guileless and hum
BILE look, but at the same time bottlin'
up my grasshopper and workin' the
kinks outer my muscles, I calmly and
somewhat feelingly observed:
HE whose actions are guided by
justice may leave the health Of his OK
and his ass and his wife to provi-
dence."
And also:
might may wrest away, but justice
will restore. In other words, don't
slide down a board with slivers into
it."
And also:
bluff is neither the courage Of the
brave nor the humility of the fear
full 1t is better to speak not at all
than to bluff"
Then the old and evil minded de-
ceiver spat on his hands some more
and sailed into me with his fists and
feet flying. He thought to carry me
down with rush, but / side stepped
him and swung with my right, and he
was as clay in the hands of the potter
1t was my dooty to my Teller man to
toy with this old cuss on wheels and
accordingly l toyed. That is, sat
down on him and hammered him until
it seemed to me that his future life
would be as upright as his friends
could hope fur. He made objections,
but he was in the minority. When
the conflict had ceased and the fright
ened crows had returned to their
.roost, l stood the old man on his
feet and lifted him once with my boot
and said:
ITO him who hath shall be given,
even to more than he kin stow away
in the refrigerator.
And also:
There Is no error In Truth. Be
guided by Truth and don't reach
through the fence after another mans
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18

ing to raise hogs in order to supply the
market with pork"
That's the plan to a dot, and you
deserve praise for catching on SO
quickly. l propose to buy a thousand
pigs. A pig six months old can be
bought for a dollar
And one thousand pigs for one
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-02-18
cabbages."

cabbages."
And likewise:
THE mistakes Of Life are like the
knot holes in farmers barn-good fur
ventilashun but sad to reflect upon"
Copyright, 1900. by c. B. Lewis.l
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30
EsM WEEKLY TRIBUNE | / !
PUBLISHED ON THURSDAY

For over ffty-eieht years National Family Paper
for farmers and villagers whose readers have repre-
scented the very best element of our country popula
ton It gives all important news of the Nation and
Word, the most reliable Market Reports. Fascinat-
ing Short Stories unexcelled Agricultural Depart
nent, Scientific and Mecha,ica Information, Fashio,
Articles for Women Humorous Illustrations for the
old and young. 1t is ''rhe Peoples Paper" for the
entire United States. - - .s..:-@
IL. Regular subscription price ST 90 per year. f.,
We furnish it with the Transcript for ST 50 per year.
end all orders to the Transcript, Little Falls Mimi.
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30
ASK YOUR NE1GHBoR.
Hundreds Of Little Falls Citizens
>.g4 Can Tell You All About

Home endorsement, the public ex-
preston " Little Falls people should
he evidence beyond dispute for every
Little Falls reader. Surely the ex-
perience OF friends and neighbOrs,
cheerfully given by. them will carry
more weight than the utterances OF
strangers residing in far away places.
Read the follow ng: 5.
Mr.. John Hang, OF Seventh street,
Vest side says: '"'Just before pro-
cured DOan's Kidney Pills at Wet
zel's Pharmacy was suffering more
than Anglo Saxon can express, from
pains across the back. The attacks
Of kidney. complaint, lumbago, or
whatever yO'r may term 1T. was
caused by getting wet. It was not
the first for had had attacks in the
past. but this one was more virulent,
more III persistent and more difficult
to remove. Not only did / suffer
from pains In the loins, but the kid
ney secretiOns went wrong, being al
together too frequent In action, par
ticnlarly observable at night. I
was ad vised to use Doan's Kidney
Pills and i did SO, carefully GLOWING
the directions. Now ] cannot gauge
the future and do not knOwif attacks
will recur, but Of one thing ! am
certain, Doan's Kedney pills effec-
tually disposed Of the last attack
and 1t requires very little stretch Of
q mans Judgment to reason that
what was 30 effective III the past
can be appealed to In the future
5withevery chance Of obtaining the
same results. sss5 s934. 3y$
/, ]. For sale BY oil dealers. Price so
cents. Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo
N sole agents Tor the United
States. Rememt her Il the name
Duan's and take no substitute.
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30
NEW ANIMAL STORIES
Lr,n,, &, ..,.~,,r<-. -, fell

'KIPLlNG'S NEW ANIMAL STORIES
Rudyard Kipling is going to tell
of.'The Beginning of the Armadillos,"
In the May Ladies' Home Journal.
OF course, Mr. kipling brings to
bear an irresistibly funny, but withal
ahighly Ingenious, philosophy in de-
scribing the peculiartties Of the ar
lmadillo. 4 He evidently found 'enjov-
s,hns ut In writing these stories-he
calls them ':Just So stories for he
has interwoyen more inimitab'le
shdmor into his account of the way
.by which the armadillos came into
being, and the others of the series,
than in anything else that has come
from his versatile pen ;ss@s: Z. 4:.:,
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30

Authorized ny the state TO treat al
Chronic. Nery9us and sPecial diseases OF
/ Che. Eye. Ear. Nose and Throat, Lung as
tonehiSi Getarrh. constitutIonalC atarrh
Esl trGg6!ss: Rh suan Nfura1e ia.
1ey. Liver. Bladder, Prostate and Female
diseases. Di11iness. Nervousness; tndt-
o6esity d9.sgru ana All ~aseina
less, Ringing in the Ears, Loss Of Eye
LIGHT, Cataract, Cross kyee, etc; that nave,
let. Curveative Of the Spine. Disease Of
Brain rsra!Est;' sPie9syt III Heart 1s
efe a nseeos p.n s Sores. Pain in the Benes.
4 landulsr Enlargernents ana all long
1tanding diseases properly treated. Young
Zen and 81 who eSS sud Suffer from lost man
B Hood n rvous debility, .spermatorrhoea.
4mih losses, sexual decay, ,, falling.
1asnt, lack 81 energy, impoverished blood.
4 1impies. impediments to marriage. also
end shln ai sypn,si finaP
si sn eSl ana biaddes troSbies. weak bach
burning urine passing urine toG often
\ earching treatment. prompt relief = and i ,s1
kes'. systsn e ssriP e s. Sarcssss ., IT,
n edsvsssicoesiss md eaiaraed giands With
n Y nubcntS tIeOus I'M Hon llOds M
6Iutety without pain ana without the
q 5eo 81 4 drop 81 blood. IL one Of hts own
Fl3scoveftes. and IL the most really scien-
tic and certainly sure cure Of the nine
s1eeuth century. There are no experiments
ii DR.. Rea's practice, able as he II to tell
Fonyone their disease. he 10 not likely to
DOCTOR his patients for the wrong ailment'
10 incurable cases TAKEN. Consultation
5ssTz's 81 T',7'TT' ~ DIR. REA 4 CO.,
minneapolis. MINI. :, Louisville, KY
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30
Banker Routs 4 R0bber.

4 J.R Garrison, cashier OF the bank
Or ThOrnville. Ohio, had been rohb"d
pf health by a serious lung trouble
until he tried DIR. Kings New Dis
scoyery for Consumption. Then he
wrote: 1T is the best medicine |
ever used for a severe cold or a bad
case Of lung, trouble I always keep
d bottle on hand" Don't suffer
with coughs. colds. or any throat,
Chest or lung trouble when you can
be cured so easily. Only soc and 3D.
Trial bottles free at L. d. Browns
Drug Store. -
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30

accordinr to plans and specifi ations
furnished on 81 before Apg. i, 1901l.
Commissioners Lakin and Gross
were appointed u COMMITTEES t6S
supervise the cOnstructi on N Of thel
bridge. u, 5} .S5s ~ N III
The petition of Peter virnix ana
Jos. Wiring to 10 Released from bonds
to furnish to Theresa Theser a par
month for; the support 81 her illegtt-
Innate, child, III which y YirnlG
had been declared ~ the court, the
"a ther. was cunsid Tered by the board,
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30
What's Your Face Worth.

IA I'm ~ 0AIU : 80 q 800
t& Sometimes q fortune, but never, 81
you have q sallow COM lexion, a
jantidiced look. moth patches and
blOtches on the skin, -all SIGNS Of
Liver trouble. Il hut DR.. Kings New
Life Pills give Clear Skin, Rosy
cheeks, Rich n Complexion. DULY Is
cents at u. d. Browns Drug Store.
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30
II THE FAMILY LOST EVERYTHING. II
5i5s Dsstroys ~ Home q Jos. 0,connsr
I. load.y sysnipf -. Y ths Hor g.'i
3 eoodsiwsrs = complsts Losg. n II


fortunate results A pro perty loss tc-
cur ed at about ? clock Monday;
evening. y usts before q o'clock the
large, two.story frame "a yelling &C
cupied by Jos. g Conner and familv.
and situated on the corner Of sixth.
street and First avenue northeast,
was discovered on fire. The alarm
swas Immediately sounded and the
departments turned out promptly,
but was la0Or1ng under dlsad want
ages. In thesfirst place the streets
were In bad condition for hand ap-
paratus TO make time, and the die
Nance to the q dre wa great. These
difiiculttes q p stdered the depart
'nlent made good time ~ reaching.
;the burning building, but It was
Aound to be afre from the around
snoor to the roof when they arrived q
Some delay was caused BY the burst y
ing Of aiength Of hose. The time % ?
pecessary to change the broken hose
sslOr a new length was taken al.
WantaRe ct to put, @! on the Stamesee,
and When the water was turned on
again the tiremen had two streams
dnstead OF one to work with. q y For o.
Several minutes the firemen dld gooed
work but soon found themselves
swithout water again. After an IN
svestiga alton " hich y required several y, q
minutes 1t was disco vered that some l
lone had shut on the valve OF the
<stameee. W. u .t.< s s s .@ e !
At this juncture Hose co. NO. .
came qp and the department soon
had three streams from the hydrants
and both chemicals PLAYING on the
burnin g haildtng, and the flames
were rapidly subdued: Il. s zz+z sls,.s W r..
&. When the f'remen got there 1t was
'imposs ible to yet into but one
room OF the house. The parlor was
CLOSED and the fire had not reached
VI. and the content t. OF that room In
Guiding the piano were saved; The
building ID badly wrecked. and IT. is
doubt ul u 1t can ne rebuilt Without
first being torn down. S.
3> The property loss falls heaviest on
Mr.. O Conner. The piano and other
articles saved were the property ofhis
mother-fn-law, Mrs w. H Buskirk,
Little Falls weekly transcript. (Little Falls, Morrison Co., Minn.) 1894-19??, 1900-03-30

Morris Henry Bald win, one OF the
1oneers, died after a short Illness.
y ecarried the mail from st. Paul to
forts IA the Oak 8 as by dog sleds
a the fifties. and was a friend Of
SSsveral noted Indian chiefs He had
ia nearly oil the county Offices for
stevens county and several village
u Oetti ne. Il II