davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
REED AND HIS MUsTACHE.
1t TIL a barber Did II Up
for Him.

''The members of the last two congresses
will recall the smooth-shaven visage of
former Speaker Reed" said an old attache
of the house to Times reporter the other
day. And the older members will likewise
remember that Reed at one time wore a
mustache Of a few struggling hairs, so often
seen on the upper lips OF extremely fleshy
men. How Mr.. Reed parted with his hirsute
apology can best be told by a certain barber
in the house of representatives who attended
to that gentleman's wants.
Zone day the big man from Maine settled
himself in the BARRIERS chair and requested
a shave. When the operation was completed
Mr.. Reed Strengthened himself and asked:
Have you any Of that old-fashioned pomade
to wax mustaches WITH
"The barber hustled among his pots and
jars and produced French preparation in
vogue a quarter of century ago, and then
proceeded to wax the ends Of the Maine
statesman's few wirehke hairs
when the man of snapshot sentences
arose and contemplated himself in the glass
he turned to the astonished barber and said:
Cut this BANKED blank mustache off, for
You have made me look like COMPOUNDED
tatfsh
"Since then Mr.. Reed has not worn any
covering beneath his nose, Washington
Times
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
THE WAR In AFRICA.
British Campaign Has Been Sue
cessiOn of Blunders.
EnEliShmen Have Noble Faith In
Their New Commander, Lord
Roberts, and Gen. Kitchen
err, His Chief of stan.


As was forcshadowed in these col
umus several weeks ago, the govern
ment of Great Britain has been
forced, by recent events in South
Africa, to mobilize its entire reserve
and to call upon the volunteer corps of
the United Kingdom for service away
from home Had anyone suggested
two months ago that such desperate
steps would be necessary to hold the
farmers of the two little Boer republics
in check he would have been written
down a visionary or fool.
Surface observers forgot that the
Beers did not engage in this unfor-
tunate war for purposes of conquest,
but, as they firmly and honestly believe,
for the defense of their homes and their
liberty 4 brave people actuated by
such motiyes-eyen though they may
be esaggerated-b becomes an enemy not
to be despiscd in any circumstances,
And when such patriotism is supple
mentcd by rare bravery, warlike skill
and complete military equipment it is
a match for any power, no matter how
great, rich and powerful.
The British reverscs at Ladysmith.
Stormberg, on the Moddcr river and at
Tugela ferry were not accidents. It
may be true. as some British authorities
assert, that they We're due to the inef-
r
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

be seen. Butler is as brave a man as
ever rode a horse; yet he made a mis-
cradle failure, principally because he
had never had an opportunity to fight
a progressive, civilized foe, Roberts
is in the same position. All his vic.
tories were won in the orient, the
most notable being the battle of
Kandahar, in 1850. He was at that
time commander of the British forces
in Mghanistan. In July he received
news of the defeat of Gen. Burrow
by the redoubtable Ayoub Khan.
Roberts at once marched to the re-
lief of Kandahar and in a campaign
of three weeks wiped out the rebel
lious Afghan army. On his return 10
England he was the lion of the day
He was presented with the freedom
of the city of London, thanked by
parliament and made baron of Kan
dahar and Waterford. Later he
served in Natal and the Transvaal and
commanded the troops in the Madras
presidency from 1881 TO 1855, when
he was elevated to the chief command
of all the forces in India-in which
post he was succeeded by Gen, White,
who is now bottled up at Ladysmith.
Lord Roberts, Familiarity known to tho
rank and file as "Bobs," is 6S years
of age. He was born at Cawnport,
India, educated at Elton and Sand
hurst, and entered the army at 10,
going to Bengal He served with dis
tinction through a number of cam
paigns in Africa and India before
achieving his great fame at Kauda-
har, and during the Sepoy mutiuy
earned the Victoria cross for saving
a number of men. Since 1895 he has |
been in command in Ireland, a post |
next in Importance to that of COM |
mander in chief. His opponents and |
they are not few-eNprcSs grave |
doubts as to his ability to conduct a
brilliant campaign in South Africa,
and assert that his total incyperierce
with civilized fighting methods will
lead to a repetition of reyerScs.
Gen Lord Kitchener Field Marshal
Roberts chief of staff was made
baron of Khartoum in 1895 as a re-
ward for his services in Soudau where,
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
Making Him whole,

at takes the glorious old west to dc
business" said the man with the ALI.
gator grip, as he boarded the train at
st. Paul. 1--WE of the east are not in il
a little bit"
Anything to relate?" queried one OF
the passengers, as he woke up.
Just a few words Travelled from
New York to Chicago with a staving.
looking girl. At Buffalo ! was gone on
her. At Detroit we were engaged. As
we reached Chicago she had set the
date, ] returned home, wrote her 500
love letters and came out here to get
married.
"She decided that she would marry
another She estimated the value of
my time at $780, the worth of my let
ters at $500 and my broken heart at 5000,
and drew me check for 81, 900, and here
it is. Gave her receipt in full to date,
kissed her good-by, and there You are
and here l am. There's but one way TO
do business, and the west knows all
about it. Yes, check for a thousand.
and how many of you gentlemen will
smoke a good cigar at my expense p
Chicago Evening News.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
ALASKA'S BLACK SAND.
II May he Made to Yield In Its Gold
by the Use of Salt
WATER.

"There's millions Of gold in black
sand" said H, g. Frederick, a Seattle
man of experience in the KIondike,
land believe / have hit upon a plan
to get it out. You know this black sand
is about as heavy as the gold and in
panning, as ordinarily done with cold
water, he gold and the sand either go
out Of the pan together and are lost,
or they stay in the bottom and are of
no more use than if they were lost On
claim had in the Yukon country
we only got S32 out of the black sand
for a whole season, and knew that we
were losing a whole lot and that there
ought to be some way Of getting at it,
So | experimental with hot water,
which was not unusual, but | added
some salt to il, and found an improve
ment. took an iron bucket holding
| Two gallons, filled it about one-third
fun Of sand, put in double handful OF
salt, filled it with water and set it on
the fire to boil. As it boiled | stirred
~ vo ~ .dor foo5, ~ "r tIo t,ronli,, ~
md chan ,o,no5 Il ~ ;,,,a .ho ,'a',,
dor', I,,a, ,,.hat Toa, a.. ~ ' lal. %a5
bnt whom nnt Ii,tIo ofi,si Io, i' ntn
the pans I'll be blamed if | didn't get
every particle Of gold there was.
"Then went at it on a larger scale
4 al & / . /
.ian,, , ',l '"''I '4' " -, D,'o', az
So, .,,, ~, So ~, INA C,,, ~ ot'V
,,a. ,.arl at., va so.o -, Us -, o'"
49,, :" 49, ,''C' VI 10Y P'' d"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

Waiter, I asked for roast chicken
but | did not wish one with legs a.
large as a teaspoon"
Vas, sab. All know, sab, but desc
we're chickens is roasted in a specia
way, sab. Yo' see, they're hatched in
one of desc yere inku-battors. When
they grow little, sab, they're shifted
to one end of the instrument m baked
SO when we have great many ohdahs
we has to take 'em earlier, and dey
doesn't get so much chance ter grow
sab That was the case with youahs
sab"
Waiter, it is with great solemnity
that ! affirm that you happen to be the
greatest prevaricator have ever met
Bring me half-dozen more of thos,
chickens that go to roast early. See p
Philadelphia Call.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
ENGLISH SOLDIERS, COOKBOOK
several Recipes That Are sanctioned
BY the CommHnder-in-tht
of the Army.

Occasionally one hears a great dea
about the bad cooking and insufficient
food of British soldiers. Every now
and again some faddist or other takes
the matter up and tries to lead the pub
lie TO believe that our troops are con
demned to live entirely upon unpalat'
able food
Here aie three recipes from Tom
my's" cookery book which are sane
toned by no less aperson than the com
mander in chief himself;
Meat Soup Ingredients: Sixteen
and one-haf pounds meat, one pound
onions, one pound flour, five ounces
sIt, one-fourth ounce pepper hVe
ounces sugar, small faggot of herbs,
80 gallons Of water.
Cut the meat into pieces of about
four ounces, take eight ounces of the
fat and chop it up; slice the onions,
Put the fat in the boiler; when melted,
add the onions; stir them well, so that
they do not get brown. In five minutes
add the meat, which keep stirring or
turning over for five minutes longer.
Then add the boiling water by degrees;
let it simmer gently for one hour, Mix
the -four with cold water very smoothly,
add it to the soup, with the salt, pepper,
sugar and herbs. Simmer gently for
so minutes; keep stirring to prevent
-four from settling at the bottom
No doubt the result of these careful
operations is most sustaining and ex-
cellent soup, and one wonders how
many artisans or laborers get anything
better for dinner.
The recipe for "a hurried dinner is
much less elaborate; but if soldiers
opinions go for anything, it is by no
means a bad one 1t is as follows;
cut your ration of meat into pieces
about the size of penny, but three or
four times thicker, Skewer them upon
a piece Of iron wire or hard stick. A few
minutes will cook them if hung before
the fire"
Plum pudding in "Tommy's" cookery
book:
put into basin one pound of flour,
three-fourths pound of raisins (stoned,
if that can be alIowed), three-fourths
pound of the fat of salt pork (well
washed, cut into small dice or chopped)
and two tabIespoonfuls of sugar or
treacle. Add half pint of water, mix
all together; put into a cloth tied tight
ly; boil for four hours and serve, If
time will not admit, boil only two hours,
though four are preferable"
There seems touch of human nature
about the war office, after alI.-Lon-
don Mail.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
WIT AND WISDOM.

The English actor, don't yer know
who speaks the English language sc
that it cannot be understood is not the
real thing. Detroit Journal.
Prisoner-"I was quietly attending
to my work when this man arrested
ms" Magistrate-"Wha; is your bust
ness?" Prisoner-"I am burglar -
London Chronicle.
Mrs. Neighbour understand your
cook has given you notice. What's the
trouble?" Mrs. Suburban. don't
know, but | think she doesn't like my
cooking Denver News.
Whats a mans chief end, Willie"
Willie IF he's a runner it's his feet;
if he's a minister, its his held; an If
he's a ttba' player, it's bath his feet
and his held. -Pick-Me-Up,
If people all knew what their neigh
bors thought of them, they wouldn't
have any better opinion of their neigh
bors than their neighbors have of them
Someryille (Mass.) Journal.
\ New Haven paper announced the
other day that a certain clergyman
would preach on the Mania in the Des-
ert." and that another would take for
his subject AN Altar to an Unknown
Girl"
4 young man may stand well in the
community in which he lives, and the
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

as sirdar of the Egyptian troops, he
destroyed the power of Mahdism and
its attendant evils. Gen. Kitchener,
who is now 40 years of age, entered
the army as lieutenant in 1871. Three
years later he joined the survey of
western Palestine under Capt. Gender.
In 1877 he was placed in sole COM
mand of the party which executed the
survey Of Galilee. When the island of
| Cyprus was placed under British pro-
lection he was sent there to organize
the land courts, later serving as vice
consul at Erzeroum. In 1852 he vol
unteered for the Egyptian army, then
being organized by Gen. Sir Evelyn
Wood, The first expedition for the
relief of khartoum saw Maj. Kitch-
ener in the post of danger at Debbeh,
where he attempted in vain to main
tain communication with Gen. Cor
don. After the catastrophe of Khar-
tOum which led to Gordon's death,
Kitchener returned TO England. was
promoted to the rank of lieutenant
colonel and made temporary commits
sioner at Zanzibar, in 1885, In the
following year he was appointed gov
ernor general Of the Red Sea littoral
and commandant at Suakim. He adj
vised the successful operations
against the dervishes in 1855, and was
made {. b. for the gallant action at
Tosld in 1889. In $50 he was made
sirdar of the Egyptian army, in which
capacity he achieved his greatest til
umphs and victories.
BY the end of January these two
commanders will have at their dis
posal force of 100000 men--the flow
er of the British army. Opposed to
them will be about 10000 Beers, com
maaded by Gems. Joubert, Cronje and
Schalkburger, all of them men with
cut technical training, but familiar
with every foot of ground, with every
hill and every farm house located
within the radius of military opera
lions.
At the beginning Of the war it was
supposed that the Beers would be
without effective artillery, but suisse
quent events demonstrated that IN
stead of being without guns the farm
ers were in possession of far more eff.
fectiye weapons than The British in
vaders. There is bare possibility
that with all its wealth. and glory,
and power, Great Britain will even
tualIy be compelled to give up South
Africa contingency which would
not please the American people. be-
cause il would lead to the disinteera-
ton of the British empire, whose gov
ernment, although guilty of many
mistakes and much cruelty, has in the
main represented the spirit of civil
ization. The loss of South Africa bv
itself would mean nothing. either TO
England or the world at large. But
the spirit of rebellion which Boer sue
cess would kindle in India and else
where might undermine the stability
and prosperity of many state which
to-day seemingly stands as firm as a
rock. G. w. WEIPPIERT.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
GERMAN KALI WORKS

% Nassau St, New YorI
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
THE SHOW WAS A SUCCESS
\ Lumbermen's Minstrel Perform
nnce with ImprOmptu Features
That Made Housing Hits.

Yes, our minstrel show was a grand
success" said the man from Pitch Cor,
ners as he slapped his mittens against
the Stovepipe of cross roads store in
Franklin county, Me.
I'VE never expected TO bring down
the house the way we did, and il was all
unprecedented, as YOU might say.
Zone of the end men was Roarin' Bill
Mccarthy, who came down from Jones
lumber camp specially to take part.
Roarin' Bill is great on singing, but he
didn't make his hit with his songs so
much as a little side play, as it we've.
You see, Bill is awful fond of terbaccer.
Chaws all the time, and a cud is sort
of second nature to him. So, when he
begun his first song he forgot to take
out his chaw, or spit before startin'
Soon's he opened his mouth, of course
the juice choked him, and he bolted for
the back of the platform and disap.
peared. ] was interlocutor, and, Of
course, ! had to say somethin', so I
Just up and said; Excuse me, ladies'
and gentlemen, but Bill has only gone
out to spit He'll be back in minute
well, do you know, that audiencs
thought it was part of the show, and
they laughed as if they'll split.
"Then, a little later, the other end
man, Pete Soucier, the big Frenchman
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
TWO MEAN TOWNS.
stories Told by Travelling Men About
a Couple of Decidedly Poor
Places TO Live In.
They were talking about bad towns.

They were talking about bad towns.
The meanest place | ever was in, said
the man who travels for Chicago house, is
down IN Massachusetts. Say, do you know
what happened while | was stopping there
once! A man had fallen through a hole IN
the sidewalk and sustained injuries that re-.
suited in the loss OF his right arm. He sued
the city for damages, and the case was tried
before a jury, which, the papers said, was
composed Of representative citizens. Well,
what do you suppose they did to him?
Brought IN a verdict in favor of the city,
holding that inasmuch as he was left-hauded
his injury didn't amount to anything
Yes, the cigar man said, that pretty
mean town, | admit, but know of a worse
one, This place is in Pennsylvania. An ac.
qualntance of mine down there was injured
some time ago in pretty much the same way
the man You mentioned got hurt. lie fell on
a bad sidewalk and lost one of his legs lie
sued the city, and didn't get anything.
never heard Just why, but probably because
the jurors dIdn' believe he needed more than
one leg in his business, seeing that he was
a barber and couldn't hone razor or shave
a man with his foot anyway, But wait,
haven come to the point at which the real
meanness developed. Being poor man, he
couldn't afford TO buy cork leg, so he had
to get along with a wooden peg, and one day
while he was crossing the principal street
this peg in some way got wedged between a
couple of paving stones right in the middle of
the street car track. 1t took them nearly an
hour to get him loose, and what do you sup
pose happened then? Blamed if they didn't
20 and fine him ten dollars and costs for
obstructiug rattle! Chicago Iimes-lleraid.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

who knows how to handle rapid-frc
guns and is an adept at skill and trick
cry. The world now knows that these
generals have already sacrificed 5000
men in killed, wounded and captives to
become convinced of fact which has
been patent for years to every war Office
on the continent of Europe, but which
was denied and even ridicued by every
British commander from Wolseley
down to the lowest general officer in
the pay Of the British crown-th the fact
that the Beers were fully prepared for
the struggle and had for years been
trained by European experts in the art
Of modern warfa.e.
Mistakes in military operations are,
and always have been looked upon as
crimes unless, perchance, accident con-
verified defeat into victory, Gen, Bull
Ter, whose arrival at Cape Town a few
months ago was hailed with JOY and pop
ular acclaim, met the enemy-and the
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
HUMOROUS.

Heax-"Bioncs has invented a rev
purse" JoaN-"T There ought to be
money in that.'-Philadelphia Record.
The Nisitor-"Busy, old man. Mod
ern Author-"Busy! Why, I'm writ
ing so much that / don't have time 10
think. Life.
BHl-"That man seems TO be abo'e
fighting" Jill-"Yes; he is most Of The
time. He belongs to the war-ballooa
corps" -Yonkers Statesman.
In No Danger.-Pompus-1 poinl
with pride TO myself as self-mad'
man" Caustic-"WeT, you needn't be
afraid that anyone will steal the plans.
Philadelphia North American.
Unwelcome Suitor-"That's a lovely
song! Italways carries me away She
IF l had known how much pleasure
it could give us both, | would have sung
ii earlier in the evening, Harlem Life
\ witty Iowa preacher once said in a
paper that there needs to be place
NHtlt liilllNlCAc NOhlh w AbNNNh VIZ
til they get over their learning. Per
haps that is why Paul went into Arabia
for time"
Somebody has discovered that the
slang Talking through his hat" did
not originate in America, but was first
used by Moliere, the French dramatist
who in his "Miser" makes one of his
characters say: "To whom speak2
am speaking to the inside of my hat
Philadelphia Times.
Mrs. Greene-"What do you think OF .
man who will grab woman's purse in
broad daylight? Don't you think he
ought to be sent to prison for ever sc
many years." Mr.Gray-"I think man
who will steal a woman's purse ought
to be sent to the lunatic hospital or the
school for Predetermined. Boston
Transcript.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

The magnificent armored trains used by
England in her war with the Beers will trans
port her troops, protect bridges and tele,
graphic communications in about the same
way that Hostetters Stomach Btters drives
dyspepsia from the human stomach and then
mounts guard that it does not return. The
Biters has won in every case of indigestion,
bilolsness, liver and kidney trouble for the
past fifty years. 1t is invaluable at all times.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

THAT waiter of yours is the slowest evel
struck, said fat customer
Well if you had wagon, and the wheel:
didntwcrk to suit you, what would you do?'
asked the restaurant proprietor.
why, I'd grease EN-"
We'll, why don't you grease the
wditer?"-Y onkers Statesman.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
GEN. KITCHENER.

idol is shattered. The defeat at Tugea
ferry, near Colenso, which resulted in
loss of /, 100 men and a number of guns,
was IN incident for which the com
mander's superiors could patch up no
satisfactory excuse, and consequently
Butler had to be sacrificed. From COM
mander in chief of all the troops in
South Africa he was reduced to plain
corps commander; and Field Marshal
Lord Roberts designated to assume
command of the troops already in the
field and those about to be sent 10 Natal
and Cape Colony, 20 make the British
position still stronger as far as head
quarters is concerned, Gen. Lord Kitch-
ener, the hero of Khartoum and con-
queror Of the Soudan, was instructed 10
join Lord Roberts as chief of staff.
Whether Roberts, who is one of the
bratest men in the British service.
will succeed In invading and subiu.
eating the Beer republics remains to
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
A COmnlPte Exhihih

Eliza, there is to be a model Ameri-
can post office at the Paris exposition. -
"Well, Henry, you ought to go along
TO show how the model American hus-
band forgets to mail his wife's letters"
Chicago Record.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

Mother want Clara to learn some
unusual musical instrument. The pi
mo is 50 common.
Father would suggest the bass
drum.
But that is not house instrument
"EXactly.'.N. Y. World.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
How Natal Got ITS Name

South America was discovered by the
Portuguese, who were searching for an
ocean road to India. Bartholomew
Dias was the commander of the two lit
tie ships that formed the expedition, in
l4s6. Eleven years later De Cana took
another Portuguese feet south. He
discovered Natal on Christmas day, and
thus named it in consequence.-N. Y.
Herald.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
Equality of the sexes.

Woman certainly stands at last upon a
footing more nearly equal with that Of man.
For instance, she may no longer gain entres
INTO the column Of the purely literary mag.
azInes by merely numbering somebody, but
has, as has her brother, 10 60 in search of
the north pole or to ride many consecutive
centuries upon bicycle, etc-Boston Jour.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
Too Noisy,

THE march of civilization" said tho
Old Man with the Chin Fringe, "is all
right, except for the rattle of ar
tillery that accompanies it."--Kansas
City Independent.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

Mamma-No; you've had enough
cake.
The -Four Iear-0ld - o mamma,
please can't have too much Puck.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

A spinster of uncertain years who
recently married man named Hone
peaks of him as the Hope long de-
fcrred.-Chicago Daily News.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

Home Tas No Drawback Ele-"Marie,
can you tear yourself away from your loving
father'sroo andgo with me% She-"Mercy
yes; this sn't his roof; we're Just renters"
Detroit Free Press.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13
Not Realism,

81 thought you said that you believed
in realism in literature"
what makes you think don't?"
Because in your last story you said
they were married and lived happily
ever afterward. Chicago Post.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1900-01-13

eyes, the fire burned out the co,,
lures of the saloon. 1t must bsSS,a'g
smoldering away for hours before + ~.
covered" "
ION fire for hours, ehl"
Eyes"
wonder if 1t cooked the bar tend.
Cleveland Plain Dealer. ''-V'