West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1900-08-09
MR.. BOWSER,S
TRIBULATiONS.
He Sets Out to do Little Reforming
aud Fails.

ing there was an uncertain look i'm his eyes
that Is. Mrs. Bowser was no, certain
whether he was going up street to blow up
the butcher or down street to blow up the
tailor. lie was moody aud silent during
breakfast, and as he made no move TO leave
the house after the meal Mrs. Bowser kindly
inquired If he wasn't feeling we'll.
'I'm feeling we'll enough" he replied.
''but shall remain a, home this forenoon.
There are several little things want to
look into and s,raigh,en out. and one of
them IS right a, the door now"
'Do you mean ,ha, fruit pedder P''
"Thars exactly what mean. am
going to fnd out whether man with an old
horse and wobby wagon has any legal
right to stop in front of my house and shout
and yen and shrek and howl and bawl and
roar like that Just listen to him Bv the
living lingo, but it's no wonder that we've
had five deaths on this street within Tire las,
two weeks"
"Bnt you--you won't go and say any.
thing to him -
Wont !" exclaimed Mr.. Bowser as he
clapped on his hat and opened the door and
hustled down the steps, while the family cat
and Mrs Bowser looked after him.
''Strawberries cueumbers Bananas ="
yelled the peddler at the top of his voice
and with wave of his hand and Il nod of
his head toward every house on the block.
"Look here, you bowling IDIOT" began
Mr.. Bowser, as he walked up to him, al
want TO know who gave you the legal right
to murder folks with your voice ?"
"D'ye mean my shouiin ?" asked the
man in considerable aslonishment.
'Of course do want to know IL the
law gives you the right to whoop and yell
and below and shrek and groan in order to
call attention to the hog feed in your wagon.
II 1t does, I'll see that it's changed. If
doesn't, want you quit"
''Say, old man." replied the pedder,
with leer, 'you must have fell out of bed
this mornin. I've been sellin vegetables for
fve years, and you are the first person I've
met who wasn't charmed with my voice,
Better tie wet towsl around your head and
go to bed ag'inH
"Don't give me any impudence ~ shouted
MIR. Bowser. ''You may be licensed to cart
vegetables and fruits around, but are you IL
censed to set thousand people S nerves on
edge by your blasted bowling ?''
'Tm licensed to do anything want to,
old kicker" replied the old man, .and IL
you want to raise row about it come on.
You look one of the sort who'd take the
bread out of poor mans mouth, but if you
try il on me I'll make you sorry :"
crowd of children and pedestrians be
gan TO gather, and, realizing that he would
have the worst of it, Mr.. Bowscr walked into
the house. The peddler yelled "Cucum-
bers - after him, and the children applaud
ed, and Mrs. Bowser said
''Don't you see you can't do anything
with such men as that They are coming
along here from daylight till dark, and
every one yells just like this man"
'But ITS against the law, and know il s!'
shouted Mr.. Bowser as he struck the wall
with his fist
''Well, there's lots of things against the
law, but You can't change them. II the
polic0 permit these reddlers to yell and
scream they won't stop their noise for any
thing you say
''Then I'll break some ones neck :"
Mr.. Bowser went out and sat down on
the front steps. The fruit peddler grinned
at him and moved on, but ii was scarcely
minute before an old old clothes man turned
the corner and set up his Yell lie had yelled
about 10 times before he had reached the
Bowscrs' gate, and there he stopped and
looked at the man on the steps and screamed
in agonized tones
'Old clo' Old clo' Cash for old clos,"
''Move on, you scoundrel :" shouted Mr..
Bowser as he arose up.
"old clio Old elo buy old clio for
cash %
"l'y the beard of Plato, but I'll have your
life if you don't move on :" exclaimed Bow
ser as he claitered down the steps, with
tragedy in either eye
The old clothes man ran across the street,
but no farther, and from his new position ne
shfieked and shouted and yelled until he
had collected a crowd Of half hundred
people and Mr.. Bowser had been forced
into the house.
'You see you can't do anything" said
Mrs. Bowser.
but I will do something . he ho,ly re
piled. care all The ordinances Of this city
made for the benefit Of such bowling demons
as ihst' Has tax payer or property owner
no righlsf If there arc no laws to protect
me, then I'll protect myselfl"
Out he went again, and he was lust in
time to encounter man who had just turned
in from Fourth street yelling
"Knives TO gdnd.ol Bring out your
knives TO ghnd-ol'
Mr Bowser walked down to the gate. Hc
looked like a dangerous man. but the knife
grinder was willing TO take chances II he
could make niekle. lie halted his grinder
on wheels aud uttered a yell of"Gdnd O 90
as II Mr.. Bowser was 90 rods away lie
was siill hanging onto the go" when he was
seized and banged against the fence. and
voice rang in his ears
''You internal nuisance. shut up. or fll
break your neck r'
The grinder shut up. lie looked into Mr..
Bowser's eyes and became afraid. However
as he was released after a minute and told to
move on his courage returned and he hadnr
got more than ten feet away before he turned
and said
''You knocka me and banga me, and
TAXA dc lawon you -
Mrs. Bowscf opened the door and tried to