The daily sentinel., 1900-06-21

HIGH ENOUGH ALREADY.
Now everything is higher; oh, great good
ness, let us pray
The bottom of the berry-box in statu quo
will stay.
-Gazoot.
Chinese puns and war jokes are now
in order.
Several of our people we're hypnotized
into buying tape worm medicine last
tight.
While recently attempting to produce
acceptable shorscake the editor fell
asleep several times before reachirg the
berry.
A jamestown. Ohio, paper makes note
of the fact that Miss Katherine Pidgeon
made flying trip to Pine Ridge, Vir-
ginia.
An enterprising local druggist has for
sale q new-fangled thermometer he
boasts will go higher than anything Of
that kind yet produced.
A Chicago paper asserts that while st.
Louis presents fine field for adventur-
ous missionaries the war in that town is
not due to an overstocked missionary
market.
An exchange says that frog g-skins
make excellent binding for books. They
should at least be suggestingly appropri-
ate in binding the works Of authors who
have croaked.
Yesterdays trains were ballasted prin-
cipally by Aspenites returning from the
Strawberry Day festival at Glenwood =
Aspen Times And it is safe to say they
(the traips) wobbled.
Anderson the 2nd hand man says that
unless the pie eating contest at Lead
vile is a handicap affair he will not en-
ter, He does not care to take unfair
advantage Of incompetent novices.
A sad case of suicide comes from New
York of young girl who. after paying
out the cash for six quarts Of strawber-
ries at 5 cents a quart found herself dy-
ing before she had finished the ffth.
An Iowa paper defines poetry by say
ing at is anything that Alfred Austin
does not write. Alfred Austin didn't
write this:
There was fat man in Grand juno.
Whose clothes 80 tight they had shrunk
He got mad at his kwife
Whom he stabbed with knife,
And went on a twenty day drunk.
Speaking OF dust, a prominent city
official is authority for the statement
that the real reason the streets are not
sprinkled is the fear that this hot sun
will warp the paint on the sprinkling
cart.
A Salt Lake dentist has sued lady
for $1,000 being the price of q set Of false
teeth guaranteed TO restore her youth
full expression" The fact that dispute
has arisen would indicate that she had
her doubts about the successful removal
of $1,000 worth OF wrinkles.
The recent arrival of carload Of rope
has set the wisacre guessing as to what
it is all for. A clue may be found in
the recent assertion OF an eminent Lon
don physician to the effect that jump
ing the rope is beneficial to middle-aged
people afflicted with liver troubles.
The Excuse editer drove good bar
gaia 10 horse trade yesterday good
for the party Of the second part.-Kopj-
vile Excuse. The plea faced, half-stick
blister who edits the Excuse, has evil
dently reached his second childhood, his
usefulness being thing Of the past.
He openly boasts over his own signiture
that he not only drove an OK team when
a mere boy, but also the first and last
spike ON the K & B. R. R. States
also that he has driven over 500 oil wells
in Pennsylvania during the past six
years, was an old time bosom frieDd OF
Bob Ingersoll and corrected and proof
read the mistakes Of Moses. His pres
ent inefficieLcy as horse trader would
indicate that he has successfully attain
ed the pinnacle of dotage.
Yesterday was Flag Day al Grand
Junction and as the sweltering patriots
moved about that city's sun-baked
thoroughfares, a unanimous expression
aPoa4: