davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Would Come Around All Riybt

SOAAS AEUuHu All NtYht.
They were seated side by side on the
parior sofa and there wasn't room
enough between them for an argument
George" murmured the maid, after
blissful silence extending over a pe-
riod of several minutes, "pm afraid
your arm must be very painful"
why do you thing SO, dearestY' be
asked.
Because" she coyly replied, at
seems to be out of place"
"Oh, well, never mind" said George.
1T will come around all right"-Chi-
cago News.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Objects to the TIL.

The mother Of the Queen of Holland
objects to the title of "Dowager," and
an official statement has been made by
the young Queen to the effect that her
mother must not be called "Dowager
Queen" but Queen Emma of the
Netherlands"
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Ordained.

There's no reason why politician
should not be honest"
mo; It's just one Of those things
that happens. There is no particular
reason why grass shouldn't be black;
hut It's green, just the same."-Phila-
delphia North American.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
A PHILADELPHIA ChURCH.
Probably the oldest Place of Worship
fr the WnrId

Probably the oldest Place of Worship
in the World.
Philadelphia has the oldest place OF
worship In the world. 1t Is at 1874
Somerset street, and is the local branch
of the "Christian Catholic Church"
otherwise the "Zionists," who believe
In Divine healing. The church is 0
neat, new and well-lighted apartment,
about 1Sx50 feet In size. The wall back
of the platform, which Is used as a
pulpit, is decorated in unique man,
ner. Flasks of whisky, cigars, pipes,
bags of tobacco, crutches, plugs Of
chewing tobacco, trusses, walls Of all
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
An Euioyab1e Tran,n.

Mildred (from Philadelphia)-You
don't seem to like Evelyn.
Penelope (from Boston)-She shows a
lack of proper culture. This morning
she said she was going to take tramp
up the mountain.
Mildred-Well?
Penelope-Do you not think she
might choose as her escort one whose
social status is more in keeping with
her own?-New York Press.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
CautiOuary.

(Slipping the ring on her flnger)-
Let's keep this secret little while,
darling. Don't say anything about 1t.
Qn whlsper)-I won't, love-till l
find out whether the stone Is genuine
or nOt,-Chicago Tribune,
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
The Motive Power.

"Mrs. Lowdly dresses up and goes
everywhere and has good time but
one never sees her husband. SUP.
pose he pays the bills, though, and
stays In the background"
"Yes. In other words she Is one Of
those airy creatures who have no vlsl.
BILE means of support" PHILADELPHIA
Bulletin.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

came to Chicago
and began to
speculate. Lik e
many another man
who has tried the
slme game, he
lost, a n d los t
again. His father
refused to give
him an additional
allowance. At the
very time of Ma
sons financial dis
tress he received
an invitation from
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
slsLEs OF THE YAoUIs.
Two Unique Volumes Found on the
Body of a Fighting Priest.

Body of a Fighting Priest.
Two of the most peculiar volumes
ever compiled In the name Of religion
have passed from Indian possession
into the keeping Of a San Francisco
man, Mr.. Luis Lotlza. They were taken
from the dead body of Yaqul Indian.
an unordained priest, or maestro"
who was shot by Mexican regulars
during the last insurrection Of his tribe.
These sacred books reveal the relig-
ious beliefs and ceremonies of the
Yaquis. The maestro to whom they be-
longed was one Of a band of Indian
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
At the Polls.

"A woman tried to vote here to-day"
How'd you get rid of herr"
Told her to send 1t by mail, so that
It would be sure to receive official Mt
tention."-Philadelphia North AmerI-
can.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
iNGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born-sayings
and Doinxs that Are Old, Curious and
Lauxhable-The Weeks HumOr.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
A Retort Cnurten..

The Automobile-Ge out of the way
there, you old stiff You're a has-been.
The Horse-Perhaps. But win you
please tell me from what part of your
anatomy they cut the porterhouse
steaks?-0maha World Herald.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Buttoniess Coat.

Stubb-You ought to go to the min
strels this week. Regular button-bust-
ing jokes, they say.
Penn-Who's going to sew my but
tons on after they're busted off? You
don't know my wife, old man.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Took Hin, I'm.

She-Will you buy me that hat?
He-My precious little
She-Look here! You can either buy
me that hat or you can love me pre-
cious little.-New York Press.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
worshiping the TearfuI Onion

The onion was worshiped by the
ancient Egyptians. The cauliflower Ia
patrician among vegetables and was
taken from its Cyprus home to Italy
and England In the reign Of Elizabeth.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Not ParficuIar

"She does all her own cooking, but
she says her husband has the appetite
Of bird"
"Goodnessl She must mean an os
trich."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
I'm Fiji Society.

First Fiji Belle-Do you think she
has the face to be married with the
two-ring ceremony?
Second Fiji Belle-Oh, yes, her face
is certainly ample for two rings.-De
roit Journal.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
For Mercx,s Sake.

His wife's name Is Mercy. She
keeps him busy, too"
Doing whatT
"Why, running on errands of Mercy"
philadelphia Bulletin,
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

He-That Miss Simkins Is awfully
shy, isn't she?
She-Yes. wonder II she gets u
from her mother?
He-No: from her father, l Imagine.
| understand he used 10 be a great
poker player.-Chicago News.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
,u,ssin rittsAurg.

Eoto,, Gu. re alarm sounds)-~
Docs the fire 4rtment here have
any difficulty In locating a IRE?
Landlord-Not any more than In any
other city, I suppose. But, why do
you ask?
Hotel Guest-Well, It's NO smoky
here don't see how they ever find the
flre.-Chicago News. ..
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
At If A0aiiI.

The Savage Bachelor-I don't see
why a man should get married when a
good parrot can be bought for $50.
The Sweet Young Thing-As usual
wonian is Mt a disadvantage. A good
grizzly bear CANA bought for less
than ten tlmS sNt-zInllanapolis jour
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

NOW, Tommy, give me a definition
Of ratio"
Tommy-Pleasc, sir, pa said wasn't
to talk politics In school.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

II married you," he observed, "for
yourself alone, but now"
1t was clear that the honeymoon was
on its last legs.
Nov find l have got the whole
family. New York Press.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

Quadds-Hello, old boy. What ar.
you doing now? ~
Spacer--Writing for the press.
Quadds-Don't you lind it rathe,
thankless sort of work?
Spacer-On the contrary, nearly ey.
erything / write is returned with
hanks.--Chicago News.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

Dick describing the slngerl-She had
azure eyes; minstrel-joke hair
IdazOne moment, Dick! What in
the world Is minstrel joke hair%
Dick-Why, q rich chestnut, OF
course. Girls couldn't see through a
window with the glass out.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

ottumwa has reduced its liquor Ii.
cense from 81 800 TO 5000 per year.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

Horatio Barnes Stormer-They used
20 call me "ham," but little did
dream would ever figure in "sand.
Wich.n
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

The Theosophical Society now has
nearly 400 branches in various parts of
the world.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
FOB BRIDE ANDHONOR
ODD ROMANCE OF ARTHUR MA.
SON, A PLUN0ER.
Seeks la Reckless Speculation For
tune of e25O,OOO, that He May Can
eel a Debt and Marry the Girl of
His Choice.

The queerest and most Interesting
story that ever came out Of the mael-
Strom of speculation is that Of Arthur
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

Several persons died recently from
sating Kansas City mince pies.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Three Balls In Disouise.

Three Balls In Disguise.
"Say, Dick, DOM means uncle, doesn't
itY
Eyes; believe It's all the same in
Dutch"
"Well, it's been great help to me
of late"
"You don't say"
"Yes, when Edith asked where my
overcoat was told her down at oom's
Now, old chap, If had said down at
uncles she'd seen through 1t in a min
ute."
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
A Man of Metal.

'"The orator is what you call a man
of metal"
"WhyT
"They call him 'silver-tongued,' he
has gold In his teeth. and he certainly
has plenty of brass" s."-Philadelphi
Bulletin.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

The woman who marries man to re
form him seldom lives long enough "
finish the Job.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Grip of Steel.

Swipsy-Me old man wuz one of desc
friendly men. He'd catch hold of yer
hand an wudn't let go.
Billy-Great Jimmy! Wuz he a cor
or detective?
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12

As 20 Hair and Whiskers.
Why does mans hair fall out be
fore his whiskers?
Because 1t is at least twenty years
older.-New York Press.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
Then She Went nnf.

Tom-What do you think she did
when | asked her to let me be the light
Of her life?
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
"I'm just engagedw

Indeed? Have you. then, received
great Inheritance e?'--Humoristlsch
Blaetter.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-01-12
know. Whatf

OeA-A uon KNOW. What1
Tom-Turned me down.-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
The Kidney Complexion.

The pale, Sallow, sunken-cheeked, dis
tressed-loOking people you so often meet
are afflicted with kidney Complexion. y
Their kidneys are turning to parsnip
color. So is their complexion.
They may also have Indigestion, or
suffer from Sleeplessness, rheumatism,
neuralgia, brain trouble, nervous eNhm-
Stion and sometimes the heart aches bad
ly.
The cause is weak. unhealthy kidneys.
Usually the sufferer from kidney dis.
ease does not find out what the trouble Is
until it is almost too late, because the
first symptoms are so like mild sickness
that they do not think they nce.l a medi
cine or "A doctor until they find them
selves sick in bed.
DR.. Kilmer'S Swamp Root will build
up and strengthen their weak and dseas.
ed kidneys, purify their diseased, kid.
nry-poisoned blood, clear their complex
ion and soon they will enjoy better
health.
You can get the regular sizes at the
drug store, at fifty cents and one dollar
or you may first prove for yourself the
wonderful virtues of this great discovery
Swamp-Root, by sending your address tc
DR.. Kilmer e. Co., Binghamton, n. u.
for sample bottle and book that tell,
all about it, both sent to you absolutely
free by mail. When writing kindly men
ton that you read this liberal offer il
the MONTOUR AMERICAN
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
Local Phone Line to New York State

Local Phone Line to New York State.
A meeting of the Binghamton Teie-
phone company was held at the Hotel
Bennett last evening. President w ID.
Barnard, of the Eastern Telephone Con-
struction Company, of Philadelphia, was
at the meeting. Eleven Pennsylvania
capitalists, interested in independent
telephone companies, were also present.
They were George w. Taft, Kennett' s
Square; w. A. z. Thompson, ,Coatesvile;
+. c. Angle, Danville; }. p. Helfenstein,
+. NJ. Leader and J G. Adams, Shamo-
kin; N w. Funk and \. :. Moyer, of
Bloomsbury; A. W. Potter and Robert
Potter, Jr., of Selinsgrove, and Harrison
Ball, of Mahanoy City.
These men practically control the in
dependent telephone interests in central
and eastern Pennsylvania, all of which
struction company has constructed. They
also control the Elmira Independent
Telephone Company for which the same
construction company has the contract.
1t is understood that these capitalists
will take stock in the Binghamton tele-
phone company.
The towns of central and western
Pennsylvania which have independent
telephone companies are intercnnnectei.
Eimira ~ill be connected with Williams
port and it is expected that Bingham
ton will be connected with Elmira. Ii
l. stated that ii Is more for the reason
that the local company may be kept in
touch with the Elmira company than
for any other that these Pennsylvania
capitalists are taking stock in the local
company
One OF the capitalists said last even
ing that heani his associates are inter
esiel in what i virtually al infant long
distance telephone company This com
pany Will, he stated, practically cover
New York and Pennsylvania
President Bernard, when asked how
soon actual work on the local system
would be begun, said that the company
would comply with the contract which
stipulates that work shall he begun with
in sixty DAYS after August 5 lie said
that it would take nearly thirty days
now to get things in readiness, but that
part of the materials have been purchas-
-Binghamton Republican.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
WASHINGTONVILLE
What People are Doing in that Interest
ing Borough.
Washingtonyille. Sent. u.

Washingtonville, Sept. y, 1900.
Rev. I. NJ Phillips will preach at
Mahoning Nj. +. church this evening.
Our day schools have commenced OPP
erations with liberal attendance Mr.
Miles Der is gain teaching the Borough
| school and Mrs. Geo. Heddens is teach
ing The Township school. Miss Dora
Olmstead is teaching in the school on
the state road, and boards with Mrs. G.
Heddens.
The wind of yesterday strewd the
! orchards with plentiful supply of fruit
but the cool wave was quite relief after
the excessive heat of Tuesday.
Mr.. Irwin, of Williamsport, is expect
ed to give a Gospel Temperance Lecture
in the NJ. L. church on Monday even
ing Everybody should hear this Won
derful importance lecture.
Mrs. w. w. Snyder, who was thrown
out of wagon in a runaway, is slowly
| ICCONCilhS
Miss Cora Seidel left yesterday to at
tend the fair at Wiliamsport.
Mr.. f. Zeliff, our enterprising harness
maker, goes to Wiliamsport this week
combining business with pleasure.
! Mr.. and Mrs. Roat and daughter Mrs.
Hoover, of Shamokin, were the guests
of Mr.. and Mrs. Messersmith on Tues
day.
DR.. Hoffa and sons visited Williams
port Tuesday.
Mrs. T. NJ. Phillips is still in Scranton
being treated for her hearing by a spe-
cialist of that city.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
An Athletic Association Formed.

At the suggestion of Professors Gordy
and Carey the male members Of the four
classes of the Danyille High school met
Friday afternoon and formed an Ath-
letic Association. Mr. Bailey vas pre-
sident Of the meeting and Mr. Payne
acted a secretary.
On motion the following members
were appointed a committee 10 draft a
constitution for the Association: Geo.
Malers, 7 Beuneits, f. Montague, ".
Dougherty and r. Mcclure.
on motion a committee, TO look after
grounds and supplies, was appointed a
follows; Clarence Derr, Pursel Angle, Il.
James. Chas. Leniger and W Gross,
In nearly every High school of the
country an Athletic Association may he
found ana while this i the iir>, move
our schools have made in this direction,
the many good athletes TO I've found in
the Danyille High school should form
one Of the most tiouri>hinc ASSocia-
tons in this section.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
Death of Mrs. Samuel Oberdorf.

Mrs. Rhoda G. Oberdorf widow of the
late Samuel Oberdorf, died at her home
in Upper Augusta township, Northum-
berland county, early yesterday morn
ing, September 18th, in her eighty third
year. She gently faded from life TO
death. Passed away as schock of
grain fully ripe, without pain or appar-
emily disease. She was known by her
many friends far and wide as a whole
soued generous christian woman, one
thar will be greatly missed in the com
munity. She was a consistent member
of the Presbyterian Church for over 81
years. Funeral from her late home
Saturday at go p. N. Interment at
Klinps Grove cemetery. Mrs. Oberdort
was the mother of Mrs. l.. Nj. Eckman,
of Rushtown, and was well known in
this city.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
A Vicious Dog Attacks a Child.

Donald, the 2-year-o son of Deputy
ProthOnotary Walter Miller, is suffering
with badly lacerated left hand, the in
jury being the result of his attempt to
make friends with strange dog. About
ten O'Clock yesterday morning the child
who was playing in the yard surround
ing the Miller home on Ferry street,
noticed several dogs on the outside of
the fence and having desire to become
better acquainted with the CANNES, he
opened the gate and let them in. As
one of the dogs, spaniel, passed
through the gate the child patted him
on the head and no SCORER had he done
this than the dog caught the caressing
hand in his mouth and sunk his teeth
deep into the flesh. Fortunately the
child's screams scared the dog and he
relaxed his hold at once but not before
the flesh on the third finger and in the
palm was badly lacerated. DIR. Curry
prescribed for the injured member which
was badly swollen for several hours af-
terwards. Although no serious results
are indicated the parents are consider
ably exercised as to the outcome.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
BYLAWS Adopted.

A meeting Of the High School Athletic
Association was held on Tuesday even
ing The Constitution and Bylaws as
arranged by the committee appointed al
a previous meeting were read and ad-
opiel,
The colors decided upon were silver
and garnet. The imitation fee Was fixed
at p cents. The first foot ball practice
was held yesterday afternoon on the
West Mahoning street meadows, under
the direction Of Professors Gordy and
Carey So far there are nineteen can
didates for the team
The following officers we're elected +:
Clarence DER, president; Walter Payne,
vice president; Joseph Divei, treasurer;
Joy Braier, secretary; Harry HoOley,
marshal; Thomas Bennetts. assistant
marshal, and Frank MOntague.mansger.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
Israel Maiers List of Witnesses

Israel Maier's case before the u. s.
district court at Williamsport has caus-
ed a great sensation. Saturdays Gaz
ette and Bulletin says: Maier took up
his stand before the judge and announc
ed that he had some witnesses whom he
wanted present before he went to trial.
"Well, who are they ?" asked the court.
Maier drew from his pocket a very long,
narrow strip of paper and holding it out
in front of him commenced to read.
"Ahem," he began, William Mckinley,
President of the United States, Theo
dore Roosevelt, Mark Hanna, Secretary
Root, Miss Helen Gould, the editor of
the New York World, and the editor of
the Journal" At this point some one
in the court room Uttered and Maier,
turning around exclaimed, "Oh, they're
all friends of mine" Also included in
Maier's list were the names Of his wife
and daughter as well as some witnesses
already subpoened by the government.
when he had concluded the court re-
marked that some of the persons named
would be in court but rather thought the
case would have to be disposed of with
out the others. "Well then, I'll defend
myself" said Maier, and under the es-
cort of a deputy marshal, he left the
room to prepare his brief
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
AN ORDINANCE.

Repeating former Ordinances empOE-
ering the Water Commissioners to make
appointment, fix salaries, and regulate
term of office of employees of the Water
Department of the Borough Of DanviHe.
SECTION BE it ordained and enacted
by the Town Council of the Borough OF
Danville in the County Of MuntOur and
State of Pennsylvania in Council assem-
bled and it is hereby ordained aud en-
acted by the authority of the same that
the said Town Council shall at all times
hereafter appoint all officers and em-
ployees necessary in the running and
managing of the Water Department Of
said Borough and shall also determine
and fix the term of office and amount Of
salaries of the said officers and employ
ees so appointed.
SECTION lI.-Al ordinances OF parts Of
ordinances heretofore passed by said
Town Council repugnant To, or inconsist-
ent herewith be and the same are here
by repealed.
JOHN A. MoYER,
Chief Burgess.
Council Chamber,
Danvile, Pa, August 22, 1900
Attest:
SAM. A. Mccoy,
Secretary Of the Borough Of Danville.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13
OUR MISSIONARIES IN PEkIN.
Without Them Defense of Legations
WnuId Have Reen ImnossfhIe

Would Have Been ImpossibIe.
London, Sept S.-The Chinese crisis
presents no new features this morn
ing Nothing appears TO be certain.
Regarding Russian action. various
statements are made in Vienna and
Berlin, with an assumed air of author
fty, but the balance of opinion leans
to the belief that Russia is still in
clined to adhere to her action to quit
Pekin, Whatever the other powers do.
The studiously moderate tone of EN-
perOT Williams speech at Stettin is
much remarked. There was nothing
of the mailed fist" or of revenge in
his utterances.
According to The Standards Moscow
correspondent Russia's program main
ly concerns Manchuria. and she needs
troops from Pekin to assist in the seiz-
ure of that province. which is looked
upon as another Egypt. Her with
drawal from Pekin is considered an at
tempt to pose as a sincere adherent Of
the principles of The Hague confer
ence.
The Tien Tsin correspondent of The
Standard wiring Aug 30, says: THE
Germans paired with the Americans in
the march through the forbidden city
The British naval brigade and the ma
rines of the legation guards left Pekin
today"
The Pekin correspondent of The
Morning Post, in a dispatch dated Aug
%, says Mr.. Conger has written let
ter asserting that without the aid of
the American missionaries the defense
of the legations would have been i'm
possible. According to this corre-
spondent the United States minister
has received congratulatory kilograms
from President Mckinley and others.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-09-13


/. Joseph Barau and Margareta Barar
hiS wife ". The Reading Iron Com
pany.
:. Joseph Baran and Margarcta Barau
his wife v. The Reading Iron Com
pany.
Rel,ecca Lovejt, ". The Reading
Iron Company.
Daniel Marks, v, The Reading Irou
Company.
Mary \. Cromwell, ", The Reading
Iron Company,
Patrick NcNey, ~, The Reading
Iron Company,
John II. Ruuyon, ". The Roadins
Iron Company,
Kate Cromwell ~ The Reading
Iron Company,
Thomas \, Evans, ", The Reading
Iron Company.
SuSauuah Mullen, ", The Reading
Iron Company,
Mary !. MIlho, v, Robert McClel,
land.
James c. Major. ". The Reading
Iron Company,
August Brandt, W. The Reading
Iron Company.
j. b Gearhart, ". Deborah Vincent.
Certified from the Records ut Dam
vile, Pa. Sept Sth, 1900,
!. &. MILLER.
Pruthonotary.