The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-07-18

I'LL tleE spread ike gorgeous DllI0NS
Ger the couch that held the 'natOmy of
him she loved the best.
She kept adding pillows,
Funny patterns, pussy willows.
Pillows, pillows, pillows, pill0ws-till the
poor man couldn't rest!
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
1t was, of course, the seaside vendors
natural prerOgatlve to use slang in its
most modern aggravated form, says the
Washington Star He was serving hot
Frankfurters on one of the hottest of
days and was hurt when a superheated
epicure with fancy hatband inquired:
Are there any broiled Holsters around
this place"
Plenty of en- the vender answered.
as he paused for a scornful inspection.
''They keep strollng up off the board
walk every few minutes.
Boston culture gives the advantage of
great command of language, as this ex-
tract from the Journal shows: "A white
gowned maiden, evidently from some col
lege or high school, stopped before a
thermometer on Newspaper row Wednes-
day afternoon. She didn't look as if she
could say this-but she did: Gee. it's
hotter than Tophetr'
About the time Of the COLLAPSE of the
Confederacy ex-senator Wigfall was
crossing the Mississippi making his way
to Texas. lie assumed the character
of an ultra Union man. On the ferry
boat with him was federal officer, wit>
The officer confdad to him that he was
chasing Wigfall If l fall in with the
traitor, I'll hang him to the first tree
Yes vehemently remarked Wigfall,
land | will be pulling at one end"
=:O:-
Husbandao"What! You bought an ar
tificial arm?''
Wife-"Yes, dear. You see it was
great bargain, and
Husband-"Gr Scott. What are
you thinking of? You haven't any earth
ly use for such a thing"
Wife-"But, dear, you know you trav-
ell on the railroads a great deal. and you
can never tell what may happen" Phil
adelphia Press.
His Nature.-"You never can believe
what the India Rubber Man says" con-
fided the Circassian Princess to the Wild
Man from Borneo.
"Why?" asked the latter.
Oh he is always stretching things"
giggled the lady with the upright hair
Baltimore American.
-:O:-
'No," said the lady prisoner, ''I cannot
show you the bottle in which | carried
the vitriol, as it was broken in the af-
fray, but before l used it | had it photo
graphed. l will give you one of the pic
lures at once?
Such thoughtful appreciation of the de-
mands of journalism was sure to raise
in behalf of the accused a powerful in
t1uence not to be MISUNDERSTANDING
Press.
-)o(-
The Absent Mother-in-Law.--As the
Victorian contingent was parading the
streets of Melbourne a woman bounced
on a volunteer and cried You don't es
cape your lawful welded wife like that''
On being dragged away she added: "Oh,
if I'd only brought mother with me!
We'd have stopped you if we'd had to
hammer the whole blessed contingent!'-
st. James Gazette.
''It costs the government about $1,000
to buy q good mule and ship him over
here" writes Lee Rogers, Missouri
member of the Eighteenth infantry, from
the island of Luzon. Filipino horses
are worth S25-the same price as Fill
pino women; but I think the price of
women will go up here, because on the
other islands they sell for from $40 to
$40"
Dear me.'. she said, Il wonder what
has become of that household journal"
He didn't say a word
''There was another recipe in 1t that l
wanted to try"
He smiled. for now he was assured that
L l1,, hon, hnh hmm ri