Mesa free press., 1900-07-20
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like his attentions. ."-Brooklyn Life.
Slopsy-I don't seem to get any bet
Ter, doctor. DR.. Kraft-You worry too
much; that's what's the matter. Slopsy
Maud-Well, summer is really here,
isn't it? Nellie-We-ell I've only been
engaged three times so far!-New York
World.
Jack-"A penny for your thoughts"
Nell-"But dare not tell them to you."
Jack-"Why notY' Nell-"Because
this isn't leap year."-Struy Stories.
AS she founced out of the library:
He-My mind to me kingdom is. She
We'll, it isn't one Of the great powers,
I'm pretty sure.-Detroit Free Press.
did you read about that poor man
who expired while laughing" Eyes.
Well, it is terrible strain to have to
laugh at some stories you hear."-Chi-
cago Record.
Their only chance: "Do you believe
that the meek shall inherit the earth?"
well, 1t stands to reason they never
can get 1t unless by inheritance."-
Town Topics.
Il hear that dear Mrs. Brown, your
mother-in-law, is dead. Has the burial
ken place yet?' 81 shall have her
cremated." you're wise. It's safer"
New York World.
Young mother (proudly)-"Everyb
says the baby looks like me-" Bach
elor brother (amazed)-"The spiteful
things don't say that to your face, do
they?'-New York Weekly.
Sunday school teacher (finishlng the
narration)-"And that is the story of
Jonah and the whale" Johnny-"Isn't
it strange they knew what Jonah was
that long agoY-Harlem Life.
''These CIGARS" said the pompous in
! }dividual, were sent from Havana"
! "So?" queried the matter-of-fact per-
lson. "People there wouldn't smoke
i'em, eh eh?"-Philadelphia Record.
oh! l don't think do. DR.. Kraft
All! but l think you do. Now, there's
that last years bill of mine. Don't you
think you'd feel better If you had that
off your mind?-Philadelph Press.
'It's badly managed world, reck-
.in," said little Wilberforce. "Nights
Mr.. Brownjohnson comes I've got to 60
to bed-and nights he doesn't come
well-there isn't no special fun in sit
ting up!'-Ally Sloper.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-Did you say that
Miss Deco4leta was the best-dressed
woman at the opera? Mr.. Crimson
beak-No. l didn't say exactly that.
What did say was the. she outstrp-
ped all the others.-Yonkers Statesman.
Many a young girl makes the mistake
of thinking that because she would die
for man she truly loves him. In this
restless, throbbing age 1t Is necessary
for her to ask herself in all seriousness,
'"Would take in washing for him Y'-
Detroit Journal.
Mother-Was your aunt glad to see
you and Tommy and frankie and
Fred? Johnny-Yes, ma'am. Mother
Did she invite you to call again? john
ny-Yes; and she told us to bring you
and papa and Susie and the dog next
time.-Harlem Life.
Mother-So you have been at the ia m
again, Adolphus! Son-The cupboard
door came open Of itself. mother. and
thought Mother-Why didn't you
say, "Get thee behind me, SatanY'
Son--So I did. mother; and he went
and pushed me right in!-Brooklyn
Life.
Her Little Brother: Featherstoue-
What keeps your sister so long, Willie?
Her Little Brother-She's putting on
the finest clothes she has. Feather
stone-What's that for? Her Little
Brother-She said she was going to
land you tonight, if it could be DONE
Tit-Bits.
Lets srrive at a mutual understand.
ing," said the Englishman after the
heat of the argument had subsidized:
81 don't wont you to think I'm liar"
CAV coorse not" replied the Irishman,
"an' Oh don't want We to fink OF t'ink
ye're a loiar. But ye are. ."-PhIladel-
phia Press.
Missionary-Was 1t liquor that
brought you to this? Imprisoned Burg.
lar-No, sir; it was house cleanin'-
spring house cleanin', sir. Missionary
-Eh? House cleaning? Burglar-Yes'
sir; the woman had been house clean.
i'm, and th' stair carpet was up, an til
folks heard me.-New York Weekly.
An honest young inan, who had es
capped great peril by an act Of hero.
ism, was much complimented for his
bravery. One lady said: Il wish could
lave seen your feat" Whereupon he
blushed and stammered, and finally
pointing to his pedal cXtremities said
"Well, here they be. mum."-Exchange
A Good Excuse: "Ncw, mazda H." said
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