The people's journal. (Pickens, S.C.) 1891-1903, 1900-06-07
BILL NYE ON ADVERTISING.

An Unpublished Article ofthc Great
Humorist Ooncorning tho Boot and
Shoe Business.
Tho manuscript OF this article was
given to friend OF the author shortly
before the latter's death. The reclp.
icnt mtsiaid 1t and gave it up as lost
until u few days ago, when it turned
up unexpectedly. 1t ia one OF Mr..
Nye's best and most characteristic
productions
have received the following letter
"Dcar Nyc: | am about to start IN
the boot and shoe business. NV frien6a
say am cut out for it, have genius in
that direction. Can you suggest some
wap to get going and stay going, with.
out using the newspapers An oarI,,
reply will greatly oblige, Reginald"
TO begin with--stay where YOU aro
Don't move. AlIons . About ~
start" is better than starting without.
the aid Of the press, Reggie.
| am glad TO hear that you have a
cecd in any direction, unless Won 'uo, ann
bound cup Salt Creek" without thn
genial and necessary assistance of
| printers ink.
can suggest way will suppcs,
II way-a road as plain as Is the noss
on your face, Reggie. take il for
granted you have Is face and that th,
nose ornamcnting it Is u Roman ono
and rot u mere dent in your physiop
nomy. n road that has been trayelIed
! by more unadultcrated failures both
| in the shoe trade and other branches
Of busincss endcavOr than that charm.
ing country ramble which SbakesDenre
says is paved with good intentions. "
1t will bear careful consideration and
is as follows :
SOME HINTS ON SELF ADVERTISINt
The first thing on waking in the
morning, turn over and go TO sleep
again this will rest you and keen Won
from getting up. No sclf-rcspecting
shoe dealer should reach his place Of
business before 10 o'clock in the morn
ing; and it might add to his dignity
not to get there till 10 p. IN.
When you have opened the store,
bring in the hose and wet down the
stock to make sure it does not leak.
II it,s Is cold morning, wet down the |
walk in front OF the store, so itpl |
freeze, and the first man that attempts
to go by will fall, like Lucfcr, and
drive his spinal column up through his |
brains. This is an efficient way 20 see |
II the man who attempted to 20 by has |
any. Drag him into the store and |
send for Il doctor. This will draw u |
crowd, some Of whom might need shoes |
and steal pair.
While the doctor is pushing the |
mans spine back to place and sewing
up the hole, tell the injured wretch a |
lunny story, and sell him u pair OF shoes |
that won't slip. You might turn the
a hn
making some lacctous remark about
the weather. by this time lots Of
folks will have slipped down on your
improvised rink, to thcir great merri-
men.. This little stroke Of business
can he dealt by you any time when it
is not freezing by spreading few
banana skins on the walk. Folks'il sue
you--if they don't kill you outright
and law suit will Keep your name be-
fore the public.
When the excitement is over, take
the best pair OF shoes in the store, if
you've paid for thcm, and get u big
hammer and long spike and spike
them down to the sidewalk In front Of
the door. This will attract attention
and AFFORD you infinite amusement
when any one tries to carry them of.
Whom lacy calls, don't jump at
business the first thing by asking
nor II she wants TO buy pair OF shoes:
she ways goes TO the drug store for
them. Ask her how old she Is : If her
! teeth are false and If she lives happily
with her husband. Then introduce
the subject OF shoes carefully, hu;
firmly with ~ slight innucndo, as !:
"Ah | see you've got your feet with
you W or "When small feet we're given
ont in Maine yOu were in Texas !" Try
u line OF ELLA Wheeler on her; women
| like poetry:
Laugh and the world laughs with
you,
Weep and We al rcpino
| An extra siHou shoe Is tho thing for
| you
When your foot is number nine"
When she llOunccs out, ask her If
that's her own hair or Il switch. Then
| when her husband or big brother
comes around, laugh yourself as he
Jams your mcasly head through shoe
case. Laugh and he will laugh with
you" This will keep the town talking
about you and Is much cheaper than
advertising In the papers.
The late H. ". Barnum, when bust
ness WAS dull at the Old Museum,
New York;" had ~ man with very
solemn face walk out and lay brick
down in the mi idle OF tho street, leave
it there, walk back In Mnd through
the museum without saying Il word or