Mesa free press., 1900-06-08

quarters.
The Only Obstacles: Johnson-Jack-
son, how would you get into society?
Jackson-Oh, if l felt like it, and had
the clothes, and was invited, I'd CO.
Indianapolis Journal.
''How would you define a crying
needY" asked the teacher of the rhet-
oric class. "A handkerchief" replied
the solemn young man with the wicked
eye.-Chicago Tribune.
''It Is a disgrace to die rich" said the
sociological student. Maybe so," an
swered his chum, "but I'd be willing to
take chances on being able to exonerate
myself. f."-Washington Star.
Young physician diagnosing case)
I'm the first place, sir, you must drink
less coffee. Patient-I never drink any
coffee at all, sir. Young physician (con-
slderably annoyed)-Well. you ought to.
Evidently Holding Hands: us that
young man in the parlor with Maude
still?" asked her father, suddenly look
ing up from his paper. Every still" re-
piled her mOther."-Chicago Evening
Post.
Suspicious: The Operator-Yes, gen.
tlemen, the phonograph is yet in Its
infancy. Punkinville Citizen listening
intently to the instrument)-Then,b by
gum, it talks mighty plain fer an in
fant!Puck.
Tommy-Pa, what's a gem of purest
ray serene? Fond father-A woman,
my son, who can thoroughly enjoy a
ball at which every woman except
herself wears monds.-Jewelers'
Weekly.
Miles-What do you think of this
faith cure business? Giles-Oh, it's all
right. l tried 1t once and was complete
ly cured. Miles-Indeed! OF what were
you cured? Giles-Of my faith in it.
Chicago Daily News.
An Education: Mickey-What yer
dOin', mudder? Lookin' at der adver-
toisements? Mrs. Mulcahey-Yis; if it
wasn't for roidin' in the kyars, Ord
niver know there half as many
things to ate an drink.-Puck.
The Arizona editor who divides his
spare hours between reading Kipling
and cleaning his guns has just hung
this neat placard on the north wall Of
his sanctum: "Don't submit spring
poetry, lest we forget" t."-Chicago News.
Strategy in the Pulpit: How did
you gather such a large congregation
of old and middle-aged peopIe?" asked
the young minister Of the old one. II
advertised a sermon to the young"
was the latter's reply.-Chicago Daily
News.
Tess-How's your club getting along?
Jess-O! we're getting big member
ship now since we reduced the initia-
ton fee. Tess-I told you $5 was too
much to expect any woman to pay.
it $4.98.-Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Newbride-You know, John, you
promised to let me have all the pin
money l needed. Mr.. Newbride- Yes,
dear, and you shall have it. Mrs. New
bride--O, you sweet thing! Well, saw
a pin to-day with diamonds and pearls
in it, and do want it so.-Philadelphia
Press.
had some stage eXperien e? Miss
CUSHION, yes, indeed! took the lead
ing part In our church cantata at home
once, and-well, to tell you the truth,
everybody said I just Played my part
too lovely for anyth ng.-Co,umbus
Ohio State Journal.
"Did you go to the girls college ben
eft supper, major?" Yes, little gal"
''They say 1t was circus, major?"
mo, it want, little girl If it had only
been circus could have bought bag
Of rancid peanuts for a nickel, instead
of paying so cents for burnt ball Of
popcorn. Chicago News.
The Day After: Mrs. Mixer-Tell me
the worst, doctor. Is my husbands
condition serious? Doctor-There is no
cause for alarm, madam; he is now out
OF danger, although suffering acutely
from enlargement Of the cerebral
glands. Mrs. MiXer-But, doctor, how
do you suppose 1t was brought on?
Doctor-On a tray. robably.-Chicago
News.
When the Atheraeum Club was first
founded, Croker, one Of its founders,
was urgent that no man should be ad-
mitted who had not in some way dis.
tinguished himself In Literature. Soon
after he proposed the Duke Of yelling
ton, when some one said: ''The Duke
has never written book" "True," re-
piled Croker; "but he Is a capital hand
at reviews"
"Ahv' sighed the long-haircd passen-
ger, "how little we know Of the future
and what it has in store for us" ''That's
right" rejoined the man with the au-
burn whiskers in the seat opposite; ''lit-
tie did think some thirty years ago
when l carved my initials on the rude
desk in the country schoolhOuse that
| would some day grow up and fail to