The evening times., 1900-10-20
THE STRENUOUS TEDDYGoRE.


tured upon each twelfth hour and the
provisions of the plain duty had been full
flled, it came to pass that the reign of the
King Hark Mamma grew unto the same
ness of the continuous performance and
The people longed fer a new ruler. There
fore. it was spoken that upon certain
day the tribes might divide themselves
and when the high men and heefers had
spoken and said. 1T is well. oh, blocks
of five, whom is it that you would Rave to
rule your" the tribes might answer ID
loud voice and the chosen OF whom the
most said 'Yea.' would verify become the
ruler.
And the Tribe of The-full-dinner- pail
gathered together and selected whom they
might applaud. And the leaders passed
forth the word and it was Hark Mamma
And with HsIk Mamma was chosen one
Teddygore Slaughtervelt for the place OF
Main Bumper because that he was re-
CURED that it might be said. "bo, and
behold. The Savior of his Country is upon
this ticket And Slaughteryelt went upon
the ticket.
Now Teddygore was an exceeding fierce
man and ate Mausers and drank blood
And when he had need of excitement, ne
went forth into the highways and byways
and slew nine men. And these he placed
at the city gates that it might be said OF
him. Verify, Slaughtervelt is exceeding
i'll, even unto death, for behold he has
slain but nine" And the people would
marvel thereat. And SlaughteFvelt wore
raiment of khaki and gnashed his teeth
and made such long-shots as Hannibal and
Caesar look like unto thirty shekels OF
the reign of Ahab. And it was said OF
him in the market places that he could
kick the stutang out of Alexander with
one leg tied.
And it was ordered that Slaughtervelt
go out into a II that land and display him
self and the n edals which he had received
from the Nal,ed Dog Sound Money CfuD
and others. And Slaughtervelt gathered
together a legion of heroes -at-three-and-
expenses -per-day and when these had
been garbed also in khaki and adorned
with spears and medals, they proceeded
to show the people of that land what the
strenuous life really was And Slaugh-
tervet became so filed With gas and glory
that he passed himself upon the highway
without recognizing himself.
But when the tribes of the West had
viewed the band they were not pleased
and said one 20 the other, Verify, there
is but one ring TO this circus and the
elephant is gagged. We will have none of
it" And the air was forthwith filled
with stones and such food as might be
spared from the full dinner pals. And
Teddygore gnashed his medals and wore
ashes upon his teeth. And he cried aloud
until Hark Mamma, saying. Verify, the
fund has not been spread throughout the
West, since I am without success
And Hark Mamma became possessed of
an idea. And he chose from among lis
henchmen many cryers who were 10 issue
parchments, saying, "SIaughterve1t is re-
ceiving great demonstrations in the West,
Millions of voters cry aloud for him
Pharisees in fine raiTnent draw him in
chariots of glory The Savior of his
Country is an odds-on stake horse with
the rest of the field left at the post"
And when the people had read these
rarchments they marveled and said,
Verify, this SlaughterveIt is a winner.
He will make all others look like unto
South Sea Bonds" And HaTk Mamma was
overjoyed and purchased two glasses of
root beer that he might celebrate his sue
cess.
Now it came to pass that SIaughterveIt
was to appear before the tribes which
dwell in the regions round about ST. Louis,
| in the land of Missouri And Hark Mamma
| saw to it that the tribes OF the East might
| think that the river called Mississippi had
| heen set on fire by the hero. And on the
| third day before Slaughtervelt had appear
| ed in St Louis he had spread about all
| that land the news of great rejoicing which
| had come about because that Te1dygore
had opened his mouth and spa1e such wis
dom as made the Proverbs of Solomon look
like unto A p A banner upon the sew
enteenth day of the month called March
And the parehments contained all that
SlaughtefYelt had spoken before he had
opened his mouth and Hark Mamma had so
| written it that it read that the legions
made great demonstrations, and when the
IT. - ;,
| the people cried aloud without ceasing,
saying, ''Hosannah! there is but one for US
| and he is Teddygore''
| And wLsE the SlaughteFveit had spoken
| few words more there were great rejoic-
| ings. And the parchments were false and
| said, Fellow full dinner pals, come &c
| speak Of the strenuous life Exceeding
great hosannahs and sayings of ''Veriiy
| this IS the man. 1 am ashamed to tel
you what I would do for votes (Great
| rejoicing and merry making and exceeding
| shouts of gladness.) I want that yoU
| should indeed speak and say aye when the
| rulers ask who shall be placed on high bul
/ I would that I could insure your votes. as
! this is but trial heat, and / want to get
| them back n the year 1904, when l shall
| come to be your King (Speakings @
| AYE" and Verify it shall be So ant
Let the mazuma be forthcoming and We
! viii take out policies In your company" -
| And the parChments were read and beliey-
| ed by the people, who were easy.
| But il came to pass that when Slargh-
! tervelt h.d shown himself in St Louis
with his heroes the people of that lane
were wrota and would hear him not, say
ing, Go to. thou fakir. We have alread,
| seen the rel Buffalo Bill show this season
| and need not green goods nor yet golt
bricks in our business And when h,
would have forced his speech upon them
they turned and smote him hip and thigh
saying, Verify, we have tired of these
| Cerbett-MeCoy affairs, thou parehmen
warrior" And t.4ey drove him hence anc
he was no longer seen in that place. AM
of the fragments of khaki they gathered
up nine and fifty baskets full.
| And when Hark Mamma had learned th
tfdings he was wroth and said Verify
| the Ice Trust hath deserted u.s. And h,
straightway went and gathered togethe
100 score Ethiopians at nine skekels pc
Ethiop and sent them to the regions roun.
about Missouri that that land might decfar,
for SlaughterveIt and the scoffers be pun
ished. For the educational fund was O
large proportions and the limit thereo
| was not.
| And Siaughtervelt went into the land O
Indiana and set up his sacred bronco tha
the wise men might come forth and wor
ship. And when the wise men came no
he waxed wroth and said. Verify I an
a great candidate when I think of it an,
am too strenuous for this ignorant mob
For he is wise who is cattle rounde
and he that is not a bronco buster is
fool and is in danger Of birthstone An
he sought his couch and as he slept he wa
towed up the river called Salt
These things came to pass in the frs