davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
HOW THEY DOIN FRANCE

ApropoS of the recent movement in
Congress against the army canteen,
the object being to cut off the soldiers
beer while the Congressman continue
to enjoy all sorts OF liquid refresh
ments, without going outside the CAPT
toll, the French custom is interesting.
In the Chamber of Deputies, whiskey,
champagne, absinthe. and a long list
of other drinks are vigorously prohib-
TIED, while light wines. cognac and
rum are freely dispensed, and mem
her may even be served at his desk in
open session, or have his drink at
his elbow while engaged in a protract-
ed debate. Each member pays for what
ne orders, and to this fifteen francs
per month is held out Of his pay, one
third of which goes to the "buvette,"
while the remainder is handed over to
the railway companies as compansa-
ton for the free passes issued to mem
bers of the Chamber. And yet so alb
stemious are these French legislators
hat there is said to be an average sur
plus of $4,000 every year, which is
given to charity. Imagine an American
Congressman buying his drinks and
paying for his free passes on three
dollars per month, or thirty-six dollars
per year!
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

for a Season or More, and it Ratified
him so that he used a Large Spoon for
the Blue Points and the Coffee Spoon
for the Potage. He tried to watch the
others to see what implement to pick
up next, but most of them were taking
Desperate Chances, the same as he was.
By the time he reached the Cream he
had no Tools left except a cute little
Harpoon and something that looked like
a Surgical Instrument.
He rather tripped up on the Converse
ton, too, for he had not learned to play
Golf and never had been to see the
Rogers Brothers. Once he thought he
saw an Opening, and he oqered to show
his new 500 Watch, but everyone start
ed to Talk ABOUT something else, and
the Piano Player kicked him under the
Table.
He went home from the Dinner Won
dering if he wouldn't do better on the
Night Shift at the Glue Works than in
the Front Row at a Function.
When a Woman sent him her Card
with Thursdays" written in the Lower
Left Corner, he didn't know whether he
should Write, Mail Card, send Flow
ers or regard it as an Effort on her
part to make Date.
He saw that there were a great many
Fine Points in the Society Racket that
were New Ones on him.
So he went out and bought Little
Book written by a Space Man living in
a Stag Hotel, informing People how to
Behave so as to give the Impression
that they were Well-Bred, no matter
what the Facts might be.
He had been accustomed to carry his
Laundry with him each Saturday even
ing The Book said that Carrying
Bundle in the Street was littel worse
than Sheep Stealing. and almost as bad
as Beating a Crippled Child with a NAL
let.
He nearly choked with Shame when
he read that anyone who played a com
bination of Frock Coat and Low Derby
was guilty of a Misdemeanor. and to
Omit the Stick or Umbrella was nothing
short of a High Crlre.
1t said that all Vegetables should be
carried on the Fork. He did not believe
it could be done at all, except after
Years of Rehearsals.
He read that Men must not wear Jew
elry. He had always supposed that no
Man could be out-and-out Genteel on
anything less than IA Carats.
Then there was something more about
the Spoon. Anyone leaving a Spoon in
the Cup could be set down as a Boor
whatever that meant. And anyone
breaking Crackers into the Soup de-
served to be Drawn and CHARTERED.
But what Stopped him was the Warn
ing that no one drinking from the Sau-
Ger could be tolerated in the Best Cir
cles. He wondered if u Man ought to
Scald himself, merely to be Correct.
When he concluded the Book and per-
ceived that he had invariably violated
every Rule from A to z. he knew that
he did not belong. and never would, so
he blew out the Gas, ana they found
Him there in the Morning.
MORAL:-To insure Peace of Mind
ignore the Rules and Regulations.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
MIDNIGHT MASS

To BE Celebrated I'm All Catholic
Churches Coincident With the End of
the Century.
WASHINGTON, December l5.-Co-
incident with the close OF the nine
teenth century. every archbishop and
bishop in the United States as well
as elsewhere, is expected by Pope Leo
to pontihcate publicly at a midnight
service in his cathedral, provided there
are no impediments to interfere with
the programme.
The century's close will be marked
by extreme acts of devotion on the
part of the Catholic clergy everywhere.
by reason of the Popes desire that
they especially signalize the event. At
Baltimore Cardinal Gibbons will con-
duct the commemorative rites, while
his coadjutor, Bishop Alfred Curtis,
presides at one of the other city
churches. In Washington, Archbishop
Martinelli, the papal delegate, has
promised to officiate as celebrant OF
midnight mass at st, Patrick's churcn.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
HOW ABOUT THE people,.

The big Chicago packing firm OF
Armour & Co. has tired of the Salt
Trust robberies and has invested in a
Michigan salt mine, by the operation
of which it can lay down salt in
Chicago at a cost of but 20 cents per
barrel, and save $250,000 per annum
Other big consumers of salt are con-
templating similar actions. But what
are the plain ordinary people to do?
We can't all buy and operate salt
mines.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

with the Coachmen and getting now
and then a Glimpse through the Plate
Glass Windows.
Piano-Player who went right into
the Best Houses unless they happened
to hear about it in Time, said he would
Fix it for him. So the Hall Bedroom
Man had a lot of Clothes made with
Silk Lining, whether it showed or not,
for he was determined to be the real
Peruvian Dohghnuts, and there WASH t
Thing to it.
He realised that he would have to get
some Inside Information on Etiquette,
Table Manners and Good Form, but he
thought about three Lessons would put
him in Condition to Saunter into any
Drawing Room and set Everybody to
Whispering about him.
There were just few Points that he
wanted to straighten out before he took
His Header into the Swim. He had
heard that a True Gentleman must or
must not wear a Bob-Tailed Coat with
a Tall Hat, but he could not remember
which. Furthermore, he had a Dim
Idea that any one wearing a Tuxedo
would have to cut out the Tan Shoes or
else have the Lorgnettes pointed at him.
He had heard, also, that it was con-
sdered Rough Work to eat Peas with a
Spoon, or possibly Fork, or perhaps a
Knife. So he always passed up the
Petit Pois when any one was watching
him and merely ate a little Bread with
a Fork, because that was Cinch.
The Piano-Player had suggested to
who put a Napkin inside of his Collar
or wore Striped Bow with Full Dress
Suit would be termed Cad by those
who had been as far as Boston and
Back, and never to wear Yellow Gloves
at a Ball, or it would be a case of the
Blue Wagon.
He found it was quite a Jump from a
Meal for 25c to the Society of Large
Gloomy Ladies who used the Side of
the Spoon instead of the End and could
pronounce Blancs Mango without
Culver. He began to understand that
he had shouldered quite a Contract
when he tried to break away from the
Herd and run forward with the Bell
Cows.
Still, he made a Flying Start. The
Piano-Player worked him into a Dinner
Party, because nearly every one had
sent Regrets on account of the Hostess
being seen a great deal with her Hus
band, and it was supposed there must
be something Wrong. Besides, she did
not want to have just Thirteen at the
Table, and that is how the Hall Bed
room Man wedged in. He received his
invitation at 6:15. and at 6:45 he was on
the Spot with a new Pair of Patent
feathers that still showed the Size
Mark on the Bottom when he jauntily
crossed his Legs to show that he was
at Ease
He noticed that he was the only Gen
tleman present who wore Turquoise
Studs, with a. Black Handkerchief fold
ed across the Abdominal Region so as to
produce a Dressy Effect. He feared
that he was not as de Rigeur as some
of the Boys that had been in the Game
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
Modern fables.
GEORGE EDR.
Che nodern fable Of the Weak Brother zUbc made
People Cbink Of Cord Chesterfield.

Once there was a man who lived in
the same Hall Bedroom for IA Years,
because he never could Catch Even on
the Rent. 1t was snug little Box
Stall, and with better Ventilation it
would have been almost as comfortable
as some Cells. There were raspy Lace
Curtains on the Windows. The Man
used to scratch Matches on them. Also
there were two Paintings. One was
either a Landscape or a Marine, and the
second represented a Human Being with
his Hair combed the Way the Barber
will comb 1T unless you stop him. The
Landlady said 1t was a Picture of her
Dead Cousin Cousin looked the Part.
The Roomer would come Home about
once Day and climb over the Paste
Board Trunk and look out at the Roof
of the adjoining House, and then decide
to Go Out and stay as Late as possible.
He ate al Restaurant in which Tall
Mattresses and BelEdonna Eyes and
False Frizzes showed Partially for
the Customers who Waxed their Mus
taches. He was accustomed to Bolt his
Food, while some one named Cert lean
ed a Tray against him and entreated
Laura in the Kitchen to Cut a Hot
Mince and let the Fried Sweets come
along with the Medium Sirline.
When he received his Biennial Bid to
go around to some Private House and
pretend to be White Person for an
Hour or so at Time, he took the Chop
House Manners with him. He would
feel around his Plate for the little yell
low Ticket with the GRADUATED Sugar
cake don It, and perchance he would
ask the aid if she had an Evening Paper
lying around loose.
He had formed certain Habits insep-
cradle from the Rank Outsiders and the
Hoi Polloi. 1t was Second Nature for
him to plant Both Elbows on the Table
and use the Celery as Whisk Broom,
and try to balance the Knife on the
Fork, and spill some Salt on the Table
Cloth and write his Name in it with a
Tooth-Pick He needed a Check-Rein
and Hobbies to hold him back in his
Chair and keep him from Playing with
the Table Ware.
About the time that he was 40 and a
confirmed Reuben, he got in with the
Rise in Industrials, and the Wave Of
Prosperity carried him out of the Hall
Bedroom and landed him in a Suite
that he called a Suit.
He crowded his Luck and Parleed his
Bets. Things came his way and he de-
cided that he may as we'll begin to
Mingle with the Face Cards and make
up for Lost Time. He had read in a Bit
ter Editorial somewhere that any one
who had the Stuff could work the Open
Sesame on the 400, and he was willing
to relinquish a few shares of Santa Fe
Preferred in order to see his Name
linked with those of the Butterflies of
Fashion. He had noticed that every one
Made Fun of the People in Society and
tried to get Acquainted with them, and
he was Willing to be a Member of the
Despised Faction. Besides, he wanted
to take Fall out of the Social Life of
the Time, in order to appease his Curl
osity and find out if it was as Gay as it
had seemed to One standing outside
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
An investigation in Order.

Washington Post.
Young Booz was hazed. Young Booz
is dead. The physicians summoned to
his aid by the stricken family have de-
clared that he died of liberation and
tuberculosis of the throat. The West Point
authorities declare that they knew
nothing of it at the time and ask US to
believe that therefore, he was not killed
at the academy. Because this unhappy,
prosecuted boy did not complain-when
he knew that such complaint would sub
ject him to additional indignities and
wounds-and because the West Point
officials did not by Inspiration discover
the cause of his suffering and decline,
Superintendent Mills proclaims his con-
v:ction that nothing wrong was done and
that everything was as it should have
been.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
ARE NOT CITIZENS.

Important Ruling BY the Treasury
Department on Status of Chinese
in Hawaii.
HONOLULU, December ia Treas
ury Department ruling in the matter
of Chinese citizenship has created
much excitement among the Chinese
population here. 1t declares that the
Chinese who were naturalized citizens
of the Republic of Hawaii did not be-
come American citizens by virtue Of
the provisions Of the territorial act,
as was supposed. and on which inter
probation the Chinese were allowed to
vote at the late election. The number
affected is small, but they are mostly
wealthy merchants.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

Kalamazoo, Canton, o., Rockford, ILL.,,
Youngstown, Springfield, O., Jackson
vile, Fla, Sioux Falls, s. D., Hastings,
Neb., Fremont, Neb.
Surely Wheeling ought to figure in a
list which contains such towns as
Kalamazoo, Canton, o., Youngstown,
O., Sioux Falls, and Fargo. Will the
Board OF Trade kindly turn its atten-
ton to this little matter? 1t is OF
great Importance.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

Q, well, the Wheeling Register, with all
its ability, can not argue law, because it
never studied law-so why go after it
further? II is probably the only paper in
the world that would buck up against the
old criminal doctrine that "a man is sup
posed to intend to do that which he does
do, or words to that effect.-Parkers-
burg State Journal.
Some of these days it will dawn upon
the State Journal that the Register has
simply been having a little quiet fun
with it. Occasionally we are in a
mood to have little sport, and the
State Journal, we are happy to say,
proved an easy mark. We don't quite
know which to admire the most, the
legal eruuiticn of the editor or his
capacity for being sold"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
HORRIBLY MANGLED.

STBUBENVILLE, O., December Is.
Charles w. Porter, a freight brakeman,
was struck and killed by an east-bound
Panhandle freight at Skelly's Station
this evening whilef he was standing on
the track watching for his caboose to
come along. He lived at Reeds Mills.
His body was horribly mangled.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
WHAT CHING SAYS.

PARIS, December ia special q
the Temps from Shanghai says Prince
Ching denies the statement that the
Chinese Court viii return to Pekin.
He is also quoted as saying China win
pay an early indemnity but win noa
make a loan.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
A NARROW ESCAPE.

Special to the Register.
WEST UNION, w. Va, Dec. 49,
l.. T. Davis narrowly escaped death in
a peculiar manner. He was hauling fod-
der when he fell from his wagon and
his neck was cut by sharp stubble.
1t barely missed the jugular vein, and
made very dangerous wound.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
BAND WANTS PAY.

Officers of the Eighth Ohio. sued
by Musicians Who Accompanied
the Regiment to Cuba.
AKRON, O., December 15.-Suit has
been brought by nineteen members
of the band which accompanied the
Eighth Ohio Regiment to Cuba against
Curtis U. Howard, colonel, Charles
Dick, lieut.. colonel, and other officers
of the regiment to recover 81, $50. This
sum they allege is due as extra COM
pensation guaranteed by the defend
ants to induce the band to accom-
pany the regiment.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
ROMNEY BOY WOUNDED.

Special TO the Register
KEYSER, w. Va, Dec. 15-William
Mccarthy, a soldier in the Philippines,
writes to friends here that Fred Combs,
a Romney boy who is member OF the
same regiment, had been dangerously
wounded. He does not state the par
ticulars.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
CHRISTMAS GAIETY
In No Way Affected by the Dreary Out.
look in south Africa.

In No Way Affected by the Dreary Out
look in South Africa.
LONDON, December 15.-The dreary
prospect of interminable war in South
Africa and increased taxation at home
is no deterrent to Christmas gaiety.
The shops and markets are brighter
than ever. gay throngs fill the streets,
business is at top-notch and the thea
tres are crowded.
Thousands of people are preparing
to invade London to welcome Lord
Roberts home. The number of spec
tators of "Bob's" march to st. PauPs,
accompanied by the Prince of Wales,
January 3rd, is likely to break all
records. The officials are already be-
seiged for tickets for the thanksgiv-
ing service and window-owners are
anxiously awaiting the announcement
of the line of march.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
REVIVAL OF PATIENCE. f"

LONDON, December 15.-The death
OF Sir Arthur Sullivan has had Curl
GUS effect on the audiences OF
Patience" at the Savoy. It has so
stimulated interest in the dead COM
poser's work that the audiences are ex.
ceeding the records of the first produce
tion of the opera, a score Of years ago.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
LOST HER PROPELLER.

HOLYHEAD, Wales. December Is.
The British steamer Bohemian reports
having spoken to the White Sta &ne
steamer Cutie, from Liverpool. Decem-
Der 4, for New York, with her propeller
lost, 9S miles from Fastnet. in tow OF
the British steamer Throstle Garth,
making for Queenstown.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
IN LEAGUE WITH SANTA CLAUS.

In every home, or high or low,
Conspiracies begin
Just now to be as plentiful
AS plots are in Pekin.
We're all suspicious of our friends:
Yet none to-day will shrk
A chance to try his own hand at
Some underhanded work.
For fear that-whichsoever way
We turn-we're like to find
Our best beloved in plotting deep,
We're bound to ''go it blind"
The head that's pillowed on your heart
Now harbors secret schemes,
OF raids on Peters pocket book,
Girls bable in their dreams.
E en- children in the nursery
Grow crafty now, and sly;
And to amasS amazing stores
OF hidden treasures try.
Her honest face forbids the thought
OF criminal intent,
Yet Biddy in the kitchens not
Entirely innocent.
Dear Grandmama, whose hard at work
Upon a patchwork quilt,
Wears on her philanthropic phiz
A look of conscious guilt.
An air of mystery pervades
Our homes to-day. because
We're-old and young and rich and poor
In league with Santa Claus!
M. N B.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
AGAINST ANY CHARGE.

WASHINGTON, December 1.-THE
House Committee on Census began iu
consideration of the reapportionment
bill to-day and vote of six TO five ex-
pressed a preference for leaving the
representation Of the House OF Rep
resentatives at 357 as at present.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
PLEADS NOT GUILTY.

Special to the Register
KTNGwooD, W. Va, December l5.-
On Monday the trial Of ]. W. Beatty,
who shot and instantly killed his
brother-in-law, David A. Nine. viii
come up. Beatty was brought into
court one day this week and pleas
not guilty 70 tha nharGA.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
NEW CASHIER ELECTED.

Special to the Register.
PARKERSBURG, w. Va, Dec. 49,
At meeting of the directors of the
Wood County Bank to-day, Edward
Nicely was elected cashier to succeed
Frank z. Waterman, who resigned
to take effect Jan. 5.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
THE MIGHTY HUNTER.

Special to the Register.
PARKERSBURG, w Va, Dec 49,
John Burner arrived here to-day from
Pocahontas county with fourteen deer
which he had killed within the last
few days. He has killed IS deer and
three bear this season.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
SOME SUNDAY SMILES.
One Thing Needed.

The class in physiology was discussing
the qualities of foods, when the teacher
asked What has to be done to canned
fruits to make them disestible?"
A boy who held up his hand was asked
to reply.
They have to be opened" said he
Columbus Dispatch
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
AGGREGATION greet your


slight no living human creature.
o the stacks and stacks of pretty things
he's pil.ng up-the playthings,
The big drums the brave tin soldiers, the
dear dolies! From the way things
Are accommodating round us, you'd feel
sure there was no danger
That Kris Kringle could-this Christmas
prove to any home a stranger.
You would think there couldn't be a body
freezing now, nor starving;
There'd be clothes and Goals and, at each
board. a turkey set for carving;
With such oceans of good things to draw
upon. it would be shocking
If Kris Kringle on his route should leave
single empty stocking!
Yet, altho' he'll never miss a house on
Fortunes favored highways,
Old Kris kringle isn't quite so much at
home in slums and byways;
And he keeps on giving gifts to those
who never really need them,
And fOrgets the Fathers children who
have none to clothe and feed them,
Mary Norton Bradford.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

The English have lost one thous-
ind officers and men in South Africa
three weeks, and General De Wet
Who was thought to be cornered. has
broken through the English lines for
he tenth time. If Kronje and the
Boer prisoners at ST. Helena and Cey-
ION were only back in the field, there
would be merry time
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

LET'S HAVE A CLEARING HOUSE.
Here are some of the cities. gener-
ally smaller and less important than
Wheeling, which figure in the weekly
clearing house statements of the coun-
try:
Wilmington, Del, Birmingham, Ev-
ansville, Davenport, Helena, Little
Rock, Macon, Lexington, KY, New
Bedford, Knoxville, Tenn, Lowell,
Fargo, N D., Wichita, Akron, Spring
neld. H. Binghamton. Chattanooga,
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

The fire loss of the United States will
amount to s16O,0OO,OOG for 1900 To
this vast total Wheeling, a city of 49,
900 people, did not contribute $4,000.
Our record in this regard is one of
which we may well be proud.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
w hy Tell Her of LIZ

Askit; Il suppose Henpeck was glad
when his salary was raised. was he not?"
Tellit; Not much. He said his wife
would take advantage of that to increase
their expenses by twice as much as the
raise. baltimore American.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

rank. We are all equal; there is no man
better than another, as the saying goes,
and we are not ambitious of the artificial
distinctions of class. That is the pre-
tense. The fact is quite otherwise. AS
a people we dearly love these distinc-
tons
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

Chicago claims it is the centre for
the sauerkraut industry. Chicago al
ways did have a bad odor. This new
bid for fame will add little to the
sweet CD breezes which habitually emf
nate from the confides of the big city
by the unsalted seas.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

The Philadelphia Inquirer makes the
unsupported assertion that the pass
age of the ship subsidy bill would fill
our ship yards with busy workmen."
1t wouldn't do anything of the sort,
and we'll the Inquirer knows it. Why
not tell the truth occasionally, if only
for the sake of variety?
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16
Class Distinction at Home.

st. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The editor of Burke's Peerage has been
asked to decide the question of prece-
dence between Mrs. Miles and Mrs.
Dewey. Commenting on this the edi-
tor said that he received more questions
of this kind from the United States than
from England. Long since American
citizens were supposed to have put ava.
the pomps and vanities Of ribbons an
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-12-16

1t is still asserted from Hawaii that
$4,000 agricultural laborers can find
employment there. This is a great OPP
portunity for Americans afflicted with
too much prosperity.