The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1900-11-03

He Tells Those Dcstrous OF AnoWt-
edge Just How 10 start a Bank Ac-
count and How 20 Make II Rapidly
Increase.
A friend down east writes and wants
TO know why don't become banker,
capitalist. landlord or something else
whore money is easily made. He says
am cut out for just such job.
THAT noble nose Of yours, that chin
and that forehead as portrayed In your
pictures belong TO a man who should
have money"
agree with the gentleman. should
have money-but because should, 1t is
no sign that have. Anyhow, this money
question is awfully depressing. The more
think of IL the worse 1t seems. Why, it's
no trouble at all for me to conjure up
moneyed ghosts-for instance in the
shape of bills from the doctor, the bicycle
man, the clothier, the milkmaid, the
the, oh, hundreds of others, to say moth
ing Of the benevolent fellows who have
loaned me VS. and ks from time to time.
"The Shy Bank" Or
'The Bank Of Shy" Or
'Mr. Shy, Banker"
Wouldn't any one of the three signs
look well over a big double door to
banking institution? On a granite front,
IL story, hreproof structure? That's
what i am coming to, The fact OF the
matter Is that literature does not pay as
well as 1t did in the days Of some fellows
you read about in history and newspa-
pers.
In my mind there's nothing like being
a banker or a landlord or something as
easy. From what / can learn all one has
to do is to buy property. IL the returns
are invested in just the right way you
can buy more property, and so on and so
on and so on.
Then the first thing you know you have
a big bank account, and with a big bank
account you can start anything you de-
sire. You can build railroads or do most
anything to make more money.
have been advised that the most diff
cult thing about the whole matter Is to
get the start. Unless one makes a start
there can be no finish.
There are several ways of making O
start One Is to save from your child.
hood days right along through rapidly APP
preaching and disappearing years. That
seems to be a very successful way. The
trouble is that one gets in the habit of
saving, and when 1t comes to spending
one will hesitate as much as IL tooth
were to be extracted.
l will not condescend to countenance
this method. In the first place, my child
hood days have passed. Then again | do
not get enough to make saving worth the
while. By the time corn plasters are pur-
chased for Mrs. Shy, the grocers' bills are
paid and the shoe man stood off another
month l haven't enough left to-to-to
use even as pocket piece.
There's another way. That is to rob the
children's bank. HUH I'm afraid 1t
wouldn't do much good to go through the
bank owned by the Shylets. As remem-
Der, it was on the 18th of the month that
the last haul was made out of the little
receptacle. So that's another plan pune
tured.
But have It! Marry girl with wads
and wads OF money. Tie up to lifelong
companion who has money in the bank,
higher reticule, in her own name and in
her stocking.
might be able to accomplish this feat
IL it were not for a certain record in a
certain book in a certain town. That rec
ord was made many years ago. Twas a
plain marriage license. --- Chat
represents a long and continued sigh.)
When first spoke to the other person in
terested about getting license, did not
think that ns8hey ever would count. -
- (Another sigh.) So that scheme is
out of the question.
Perhaps the best, easiest ard most COM
Portable way to become a banker, capital
list or landlord Is TO be reared In the lap
of wealth. Simply paddle in luxury. Rev
ell In raisins and silver spoons. Have
pa with so much richness that II you
want a 10 cent shine you can pay quar-
ter for it. Grow up with nothing but
money around you. Then. when you're
old enough to become a respectable look
ing capitalist, embark in the business on
your own account and your dads credit.
Without doubt that's the best way. But
all of us can't do It. Somehow a usually
kind Providence did not direct us into the
proper channels.
The stork that had my destiny in his
bill few right over the Glldersnooks' farm
of thousands OF acres and punked me into
a dinky little two by twice lot and a
house that had most Of the shingles blown
off the north side.
Under such circumstances how could
you expect me to start in life with the
sole purpose in view of being a capitalist
And since I've been thinking the matter
over 10 not pSiieNe thht want " w
capitalist.
I'm going right out now and tear down
the signs that just put up. l don't want
my name stuck up ON II story, granite
front building. / don't want to be bank.
er or landlord or capitalist Why, II
/ was a capitalist. other people would
owe me. Then I'd have to worry about
getting bills out on the first Of every
month and I'd lose sleen over WONDERING
how much / would fail to collect; and 10
get old and haggard because some other
capitalist made a bigger bunch at one
clip than did.
No, I'll continue not to be banker nol
a capitalist nor landlord. Then the 9th
er fellow can worry about sending bills
to me, and he can wonder how much he'll
get on the account OF month before last
C. K. SchImansky In Toledo Blade.