Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-05-23
F[A !! 81 ~
9 - ~ -

Quericus-Let me see; the married
men all have better halves. don't they?
Cynicus-Yes. Quericus-Tlen what do
the bachelors have? Cynicus-Better
quarters.-Tit-Bits.
The Only Obstacles: Johnson-Jack-
son, how would you get into societyl
Jackson-Oh, if felt like it, and had
the clothes, and was invited, I'd co.
indianapolis Journal.
How would you define n crying
need!'" asked the teacher of the rhet-
oric class. "a handkerchief" replied
the solemn young man with the wicked
eye.-Chicago Tribune.
ut is disgrace to dieirlch." said the
sociological student. Maybe So" an
swered his chum, "but I'd be willing to
take chances on being able to exonerate
myself. "-Washington Star.
Young physician diagnosing case)
I'm the first place, sir, you must drink
less coffee. Patient never drink any
coffee at all, sir. Young physician Con
siderably annoyed)- you ought to.
Evidently Holding Hands: lis that
young man in the parlor with Maudc
still!" asked her father, suddenly look
ing UP from his paper. Very STILL" re-
piled her mother."- Chicago Evening
Post.
Suspicious: The Operator-Yes, gen
tlemen, the photograph is yet in Its
infancy. Punkinville Citizen listening
intcntly to the instrument)- Then, by
gum, it talks mighty plain fer an in
fant!-PucM.
Tommy-Pa. what's gem OF purest
ray serene? Fond father-A woman.
my son, who can thoroughly enjoy n
ball at which every woman except
herself wears dlamonds.-Jewelers'
Weekly.
NIiles-What do you think of this
faith cure business? Giles-Oh, it's all
right. tried it once and was complete
ly cured. Miles-1ndeed! OF what were
you-cured? Giles-Of my faith in it,
Chicago Daily News.
An Education: AIickey-What yer
dom, mudder? Lookin' at der adver-
easements? Mrs. Mulcahey-Yis; If 1t
wasn't for roidin' in the kyars, Ord
niver know there was half as many
things to ate an drink.-Puck.
The Arizona editor who divides his
spare hours between reading kipling
and cleaning his guns has just hung
this neat placard on the north wall of
his sanctum: Don't submit spring
poetry, lest we rget."LChicago News.
Strategy in the Pulpit: How did
you gather such large congregation
Of old and middle-aged people?" asked
the young minister of the old one. II
advertised sermon to the young"
was the latter's reply.-Chicago Daily
News.
Tess-How's your club getting nlong7
Jess-O! We're getting big member
ship now since we reduced the inItia-
ton fee. Tess-1 told you s. was too
much to expect any woman to pay.
Jess-Yes, we realized that, so we made
it Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Newbride-You know, John, you
promised to let me have all the pin
money l needed. Mr.. Newbride- Yes.
dear, and you shall have it. Mrs. New
bride-O, you sweet thingl Well, saw
q pin to-day with diamonds and pearls
~ III ano uo want II so.-fhlladelphia
Press.
staee manager gu say you nave
auu some s'use experience! MISS
aush-Oa' yes iuueeu' tooh Tue iead-
Ing part in our church cantatn Mt home
once, and-well, to tell you the truth,
eNefypouy sa.u Jus. pi'lyeu my part
.oo toseiy LUZ ai,y'h.hs.-Co' u'hous
Sohio' eta'e journal
Did you so 10 the girls college pen
e EN-, supper uiaJpi! les, il'1le eai.
lucy Say ~ was circus, MAORI:
NO. IL wan T. nttte giri. lrt had oniy
peeh Il circus couiu nave Dougnt Dag
vi rahciu peanuts for hickei, ihslead
OF paying oo cents TOT Durnt pan OF
popcorn. S-Chlcago News.
The Day After: Mrs. Mixer-Tell me
the worst, doctor. Is my husbands
condition serious? Doctor-There Is no
cause FOR Alarm madam; he Is now out
OF danger, although suffering acutcly
from enlargement OF the cerebral
glands. Mrs. Mixer-But, doctor. how
DO you suppose 1t was brought on7
Doctor-on tray, probably Chicago
News.
When the Athenaeum Club was first
founded. Croker, one of its founders.
was urgent that no man should be adj
mitted who had not In some way dis.
tinguished himself in literature. Soon
after he proposed the Duke of yelling.
ton. when some one said: "The Duke
piled Croker; .but he is a capital hand
Mt reviews"
.Ahw s,obed tba ,ono.bo,,ed ,,ssa,
oor .bow little wa know os tho e,+nra
end what ~ bos In etoro ror nc y .,rhot,s
go" AN " - =,