Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1900-12-28
: THE MAN WITH THE !
: STRIPED S HIRT !
HNoU seem unhappy this morn.

HNOU seem unhappy this morn
ing" remarked the silent part
ner to his associate after the stenog-
rapher had left the room in tears TO re-
ceive the condolences of the tempo
rarily discharged office boy. And yet"
he continued, there is no yellow tinge
10 your skin, and your eyes are bright
and your hand steady. No one would
believe that you were suffering from
an active fit Of remorse and had deter
mined to take il out on all the depend
ent humanity that crossed sour bilious
path, to look at you. Why don't you go
across the way 10 the drug store and
take something for it?'
ITS not that" said tie disgruntled
man, passing his hand wcarily across
his forehead. It's my shirt"
Then have no sympathy to offer.
A man Of your ordinary intelligence
ought TO know enough TO take a pen
knife and make a new huttonhole if the
neckband is too large for your collar,
and If it is simply case OF fray you
can easily dampen it and take the
starch out OF il. There's no excuse for
YOU coming mp here and raising Ned
over a trifle like that"
"If you had an instantaneous bleach
ing process TO suggest YOU might help
me-" observed the other. LAS it is I'm
conscious that I've got on a thing with
purple stripes and I'd be willing to ex-
change it for one Of haircloth. 1t
wouldn't have nearly the irritating eff
feet on me. ! wasn't born TO the pur-
ple-I had it thrust upon me. The
clerk said it was the latest thing this
season and neat in it's effect, and it
didn't look so bad when he showed it
to me- But | got under its influence
Eve minutes after | had put il on, and
half killed an innocent kitten that
came and confdingly wiped its little
pink nose on my trousers. That's the
trouble with me,-the inability to size
up a garment before it has actually
passed into my possession, and my
cowardly and parsimonious aversion
to throwing Il away when il fortunes
me To look at it, It's bad enough with
anything, but with shirts il is simply
Z maddening. Shirts have always been
the bane OF my life"
In what respect?" asked the silent
partner.
I'm every respect ] have 10 buy them
ready-mNde because a man has TO take
off his coat and waistcoat and put them
on again aftsrward TO get measured,
and my doctor tells me TO avoid all I'M
necessary cxertion on account Of my
heart, so 10 a certain extent have TO
take chances on the fit. That's good
suggestion OF yours about the button
holes, however. Welt then, there's
The pattern and color. II isn't once in
three times that ! get anything that
on sober second thought satisfies me-
Then, az | say, ] haven't the sand 20
throw anything away. say TO myself
that I'll save it for an emergency, and
! find that the emergency happens
about twice week. IL get on shirt
that suits me I'm as happy as king
an my heart sings within me, but the
Srong color throws me off just as you
see me this morning. Doesn't it ever
affect you that way?"
Never"
well, ] suppose mine is a peculiar
case. / wish could find some remedy
for it. It's no use for me TO cover the
horror up with necktie and put on a
pair of white cuffs; the world may be
deceived, but know that it's there
Then why don't you stick to plain
white ehirts?'
Heaven help me! cannot" sighed
the victim, despondently. II have con-
tracted the colored appetite and tbs too
late. / can wear a white shirt Just as
I can drink a glass Of milk. know
that IL / were in a normal condition
would be happy and contented to wear
them, but as il is have a perpetual
sraviDg for the siimulus OF something