Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1900-12-15
- Humorous Items. ~

why do you call that speckled hen
Macduff and the pig Barkis?'
Because Macduff lays on and Barkis
is n'."-Iife.
He-"You climed re Matterhorn? Ia
was a great foot" She''-Great feat,
YOU mean, count" "Ah! Zen you
climed him more as oncew-Punch.
Mrs. Midway (vivaciously)-"Th late
Mrs. Mellow was crcmated, You know"
Mrs. Stare (absent-mindedlyl- ali,
yes; what did she wear ?'-Boston Tran
script.
Turn sideways" cried the cab driver
from his perch = the stout lady Strug-
Cling to get inside. Its no use" ex-
claimed the stout one, there amt no
sideways"
She-''I hear you are TO be congratu-
lated"
He-"Not at all, 1 assure you.'
She-"Then you are engaged to Miss
Jones. after all.'-Exchange.
AIistress-"Polish this furniture so as
you can see your face in it, Bridget"
Shure, mum. there's no need
TO. Olive got lookin' glass to see me
face in, mum. PickMe-Up.
Miss Rlack-'I,m sure hit something
that time, Gwen
Of the heaters over there is having his
leg bandaged up. Pick e-Up.
She tat football game. as player is car
ried off tield)-"Isnt it perfectly AWFUL
He-"I should say it is! Why, that
fellow IS no more unconscious than | am
hes playing to the gallery. - Brooklyn
Life.
'Hawhaw" laughed the Chicago man,
as he read the bill Of fare. You East
You've got croquettes under the head of
entrees. Out West croquette is game"
Boston Courier.
Bunko Bill--"DO you know that there
are 76,000,000 people in this country"
Green Goods George do, and at
least 100000 of them are waiting to
be fooled in some way. Come ON. let's
not stand talking here"
Chimmie-"Dat's McCOrker, de heavy
weight. Me cousin used ter go ter school
wild ina
Billie-'Dat amt nuthin'. Me brud
der had tree front teet' knocked out by
IN onct. Brooklyn Life.
"Scribber has had 4 story accepted at
last"
us it possible?"
Yes. He went home late last night
with an awful yarn. and his wife he
lieved it."-London Tit-Bits.
Unkind Internationally Homewood
proposed to me last night" said Miss
Northside to her dearest girl friend, Miss
Manchester. He lost an election bet. |
suppose" was the latter's Comment
Pittsburs Chronicle Telegraph.
DO l make myself plain?" asked the
angular lecturer on ''Nomen'S Rights
stopping in the middle of her discourse.
You don't have to, num-" replied Il
voice from the rear; providence done it
for YOU long ago" Pick Me-Up.
Enjoyment Worth the Punishment
Willie" said the elder sister at the jul
venile party, you'll be III if you eat any
more. and then you won't be able to go
10 school tomorrow" well" said
Willie. with a sigh, 'it's worth it,
Moonshine.
Little Edith had been to church for the
first time, and on her return her grand
ma asked her how she liked it. 81 don't
like the organ very well" was the reply.
why not?" asked the old lady
. Cause" answered Edith, there wasn't
any monkey with it,"
Wife, am sorry I bought one Of
those doOrmats with the word Welcome
on it,"
Husband-"Why 500"
Wholesome stupid fellow mStook the
meaning of the word and helped himself
to it the first night. Illustrated Bits.
II thought you said you never again
would elect her president of your club
he suggested, after she had told him all
about the result of the club election
well. we didn't intend to-" she replied.
but when she broke down and cried we
just couldn't help 1.-THE Smart Set.
Friend-''Your wife has occasional fits
of bad temper, l believe"
Henpeeck-"Oh, you've been misin
Friend-"Indeed?"
Henpeck-"Yes; she has semi-occasion-
al fits of good temper. Philadelphia
Press.
Little 4-year-old Harry was not feeling
well, and his father suggested that h.
might be taking the chickenpox. then
prevalent. Harry went to bed laughing
at the idea, but early next morning h.
came downstairs looking very serious
and said; You're right, papa: it is the
chickenDox, | found a feather in the
bed"
Boy-"Pleasp. sir, may / have the aft
ernoon off? My grandmother is to be
buried Employer-"This is the eighth
grandmother you have buried since the
football season opened" Boy know
it, sir. | come Of very old family, and
my ancestors can't stand the excitement
Of the game. They're dying off very
fast. "-Tit-Bits.
Tess-"Goodness Talk about decol-
lete gowns Did you ever see any so
extreme as Mrs. Galley's?'
1fss-To Sb ta9y are iE rather extreme
death of cold
Jcss-"Oh there's no danger. She's 50
completely wrapped mp in her own con
ccit Philadelphia Press.
Angry Politician-"Lo here. I've
good mind to have you arrested for libel,
What do YOU mean by picturing me as
you haveE'
Cartoonist-"But the picture looks like
you."
Angry Politician-'T know il does.
know it does, But do | look like a man
who likes to look like himselfE' Mod
ern Society.
OUTNUMBERED.
The moon was full. SO was the man
He leaned against the fence
The night policeman came along.
And told him to get hence.
The man frowned at the officer
Then moved reluctantly.
IAN right" says h., There's Chici two "
thici you,
And only thicl one Of me-
Somervie Journal
They have called to solicit the firms
assistance for a local charity
Greene" Suppose we ask this gentle
man that is coming up the aisle"
(,rgy--''\ M he's 6raSsp1 fon yxa11 and