The Portland daily press., 1900-07-31
JOKES FROM A CLERICAL
SOURCE.
Some Good stories Wen Told by an
Eng1ish Clergyman Visiting Here.
(From the Washington Post.)


can Irishman of the full blood cannot
resist an opportunity for repartee, no
matter how solemn the occasion or what
his surroundings, said an English cler-
gyman, a visitor in Washington, the
other day, when the conversation turned
on the funny experiences of clergymen
and the humor that creeps into matters
connected with the church.
II was assisting an old friend OF mine,
the rector OF a church in Ireland, one
Sunday, and before the service we were
in the vestry room putting on our robes,
with the old sexton, a shrivelled-up Irish
man Of the perfect type, assisting. My
friend, who was somewhat old, was a
little testy that morning, and somehow
the sleeve of his surplice got mixed up.
Notwithstanding the assiduous efforts Of
the old sexton to direct his arm to the
right hole the two would not connect
Finally, losing patience, my friend said
sharply: All, the divil's in the thing
''The old sexton frightened up and,
looking over at me with twinkle in his
eye, said as quick as lightning, Not yit,
your Riverince.'
1T restored the good humor of the
situation, and the vestnent was properly
adjusted.
"A good story is told ON the other side
of the late Bishop Beckwith of Georgia,
which do not think has got into print,
though some of the witty sayings OF that
immensely popular and most excellent
prelate of the Episcopal church have been
retold, Some years ago the Bishop visit
ed England, and during his stay there
was for part of the time q guest at a
country house in the middle counties
A large number of people were in the
party, as the shooting season had just
commenced.
ION the morning the Bishop left he was
driven to the station with a young man
who was also taking his departure from
the hospitable mansion. Bishop Beck
with enscOnced himself comfortably in
first class carriage and waited for the
train to start. Leaning back IN his seat,
he became aware of loud and angry talk
ing just outside his window, and looking
out saw his young companion standing
with a hand on the carriage door, while
he used strong language to the porter
and it could not be found. The young
gentleman was angry and expressed him.
self IN parliamentary language. just
then the sign was given and, opening
UUH uOCI, Uu6 young Illdu lulllD6u luUO bn6
carriage and seated himself in front of
the Bishop. He was shocked to find HIM
self confronted by his reverend compan-
ion, who he had supposed was somewhere
else on the train. He at once apOlOgized
for the language he had used.
90 I really beg your IOrdship's pardon,
he said, but / am plain sort of fellow
and call a spade spade
g Indeed, sir, questioned the Bishop,
with uPlifted eyebrows, 1 should have
though from what you have Just said that
you would call it a damned old shovel
1.-The only time L ever heard d cOngre-
cation laugh unrestrainedly during the
regular services in a cathedral was back
in the SOS, when 1 was g. resident of
dear, dirty Dublin. On one Sunday
morning the Bishop of Cork preached.
lie was splendid man, an lriShnan to
the backbone, and possessed OF as fine a
brOgue as ever distinguished q son of
Erin. His congregation was made up of
the very essence of fashion in Dublin,
which, in those da Us, was one of the
greatest social centres of the world. No
toriOusly, people were liv ing beyond
their means, for the income from the
landed estates Of Ireland had taken a big
tumble. But that made no difference,
and good dressing went as a matter OF
course, and was one of the smallest of
the extravaganza The Bishop preached
on the subject extravaganza, and
spoke particularly of OVerdressing His
sermon was a bitter arraignment Of the
sin of debt and the NYiokedness Of setting
the heart on fashion and dress. lie at
tackled the Oyerdressed woman, and
wound up this particular reference this
way:
50 Now, supposing every one of ye-
every one, man, and woman, should
stand up in this church, take off the
clothes ye have not paid for, just wall<in'
out with the things on your back We have
paid fora pretty-lookin lot of scare
crows ye'd be-
There was pause until the real sig
nlncance OF the suggestion had percOlated
through the membe OF his cOngreoa-
ton, then some one snickered Every
one was p1cturlng it to him and herself the
real scene that would occur should the
Bishops idea be carried into effect, while
wife looked at husband and mem bers of
each family nudged one another The
ludlcrous side was Irresistible and the
laugh was general.
~ once attended church at Whalley a
little village on the borders of Lam
cashlre and Yorkshire, in England The
church, which had been part Of the old
abbey was built in the year 1866 and is
today one Of the most Interesting sacred
ed1hces In Great Britain. The rector was
a Mr.. Whitaker, very old, very stout
and very deaf. He had occupied the liv-
ing Tor thirty years, and While ne general
~ appeared in church and took some
part in the services, he was able to afford
the luxury OF curate and was always
glad to secure the services of a friend to
preach. On one occasion q gentleman /
knew very we'll was to ofIiciate 1t was
MS custom TO limit his sermon to twenty
minutes. preaching ex tempore, and al
ways took out his watch and his pocket
handkerchief, placing them beside him
before commencing. This he did as
usual, and, finding very convenient
little round receptacle, stuffed the hand
kerchief into it. laid the watch on ton
and fired away
The congregation was surprised to see
the old rector, who was sitting at the
bottom desk of the 'three-decker' erection
which suppose still stands right in the
in the chancel, as in the modern churches
become very uneasy in his seat. He
squ1rmed around and looked up, though