The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-09-02
mr. D00Zeg ON a BaebeIor's Life
BY P. p. DUMB.
Copyrighted 900 BY Robert Howard Russell


Its always been wondher to me-"
said Mr. Hennessy. we niver marrid.''
Its been a wondher to NANNY" Mr..
Dooley replied haughtily. Maybe if I'd
been as aisy pleased as most--an this IS
not saying anything again you an
ye'ers, Hinnissy, FIR We got much tn best
" i'll might now be tn father iv happy
childher an have money in tn bank
awaitin' tn day whin tn Interest on TIL
morgedge fell due. IT'S not fr lack iv
opportunities I'm here alone, 1 tell We
that me buckle, f'r tn time was whin TIL
sound iv me feet'd bring more heads TO
tn windies iv Ar-rchey r-road thind bob
up to see yeer fun'ral so by An that's
NANNY wan
''Ah, WELL, said Mr.. Hennessy, at was
but jokin We" His tone Modified his
friend who went on: Ito tell We tn
truth, Hinnissy, tn raison niver got
marrid was I niVer cud pick a choice
I've tn maxim iv an excilliut oI Turk
In me, to be sure, FIR l look on all tn
sect as iligeable FIR me hand; an m ony
restrained firm r-rentin' Lincoln park
1r a home an asI1In' thin all to clave
Ony to me, be me nachral modesty an
tn laws iY tn state iv Illinye. Twas
always so with me an 1 think 1t is so
with most men that dies bachelors. Be
r-readin' tn pa-apers ye'd think a bach
elor was man BORN with a depraved
an parvarse hathred iv wan iv our most
cherished institootitions, an anti-expan-
Blonlst q We mind. But tbs TO such thing
Dachetors man that Wud extind his
penlFcint rule over all tn female war
FuId, firm tn snow-capped girls iv Alaska
To tn sunny eileens iv tn Passyf1c A
marrid mans person with limited af-
hction-a protictonist an anti-expan-
sionist mugwump, be hivins. IT'S tn
bachelor that's keepin' alive tn riV. ince
f'r tn sect.
''Whin I was a young man, We cud
sarch firm wan end iv tn town to tn
other FIR me akel with tn ladies'. Ye
niver see me in thin days, but twas
me had a rogue's eye an leg far beyant
tn common r-run " props. L cud dance
tn best iv thin, me voice was that
sthrong twas impossible to hear amy
wan else whin I sung: TIL Pretty Maid
Milkin' tn Cow, an 1 was dhressed to
Kill on SUNDAYS Twas thin I bought tn
hat We see me wear at tn picnic Twas
Good mornin', Misther Dooley, an will
We come in an have a cup iv tay' al
How dye do, Misther Dooley l didn't
see We at mass this mornin,' an Mar
tin, me boy, dhrop in an take a hand
at forty-hves. TIL young ladies has
been askin' me ARE We dead 1 was tn
pop lar idol, We might say an manny's
tn black look I got over tn shouldher
at picnic an wake But 1 minded thin
little If a bull again me come firm IN
pope himsilf in thin days whin me heart
was high, I'd tuck it into me pocket an
say I'll r-read 1t whin I get time
We'll, I'd take wan iv tn girls out in
me horse an buggy Nv a Sundah an
I'd think she was tn finest girl in tn
wurruld an be sayin' all kinds iv jokin'
things to her about marredge licenses be-
In marked down on account ~ tn poor
demand an how tn parish priest was
thinkin' Of bein' transferred to a parish
where tn folks were more kindly dis
posed to each other an tn likes " thai,
whin out iv TIL corner iv me eye I'd see
another girl go by. an bless me If I cud
keep tn lid iv me fright eye still or
hold me tongue firm some such I'M
fortchnit remark as THAT there Molly
Heaney's tn fine girl, tn fine, sthrappin'
girl, don't We think SOP
WELL We know, afther that I might as
we'll be dhrivin' an ice wagon as pleas
ure rig; more thin wanst I near lost tn
tip iv me nose in tn jamb w the dure
thryIn' to give an affictshionate fare
Well An so 1t wint on till got tn repy-
tation Nv a firt an a philandhner FIR no
raison at ALL dye mind but me wide
spread fondRess. I like thin ALL dark
an light, large an small, young an old,
marrid an single, widdied an divorced
an so 1 niver marrid annywan. But
yell find me photygraft In some albums
an me bills in more thin wan livery sta
Bile.