West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1900-08-09
THE JERICHO
POSTOFFICE.
Pap Perkins, Postmaster, Tells How
the Jericho Guards Were Organized.


mas BIN gittin' up in the world lik,
a Eastwood tree. I've known ful
the last year that he wanted to dc
sunthin' smart TO git hisself talked
about and when | seen him come in
with his chin in the air s'pected
he'd hit 1t.
LOOK here, pap" he whispers,
though we was all alone, "I've struck
the biggest, broadest tallest hef,iesi
idea ever thought out by mortal
man, and Pm hevin' hard work 10
catch my breath. I'll be hanged il
my head don't swim and my knees
wobble over it,"
is it how to grow geese feathers
on hens ?" says |, KNOWN he'd bin
experimental in that direction.
"Pd tell you, pap, quicker'n any
other man in the United States, but
| want to keep il to hit the crowd
with tonight. | want the biggest,
bnstinest crowd togather here to-
night that the town of Jericho has
ever seen. Give every man notice as
he drops in to day, and along abou,
7 O'Clock I'll hev the fire bells runp
and the horns footed. Tell 'em it's
big thing, pap tell 'em it's suthin'
that's bound to jump this town over
ten rail fence and make city lots
with thousand dollars apiece"
There was good deal of excite
ment around town that afternoon.
and when night came the crowd al
the postofhce was as big as the time
when war was declared ag'in
Spain. Most of 'em thought Bill
Lapham was goin' to declar war
ag'in Mexico or Canada, and every
body was lookin' pale when Deacon
Spooner called the meetin' to order
and said
"Sons of freedom, we hev gat.
hered here tonight to hear some
remarks from our esteemed Teller
townsman, William Lapham, and
we kin take it that them remarks
will go beyand geese and goslin's.
Make your pint, Bill"
"My pint is this" says Bill as
he draws long breath and steps
out to git room. eve ar now in
the midst of the turmoil of a Presi-
Dental campaign. Somebody is goin'
to be elected. | amt sayin' who it'll
be, but the golden opportunity fur
which Jericho has sighed is at hand.
When the newly elected President
takes the oath of office, he will be
escorted to and fro"
"That k'rect," says Deacon
Spooner as Bill pauses fur breath.
"Ihe speaker amt through yet, but
he's made a pint already. When
he refers to the turmoil of campaign
its not only high flown language.
but a strong pint. Go ahead Bill. "
"That escort will not only do the
President proud" continued Bill.
"but every man in it will be men
toned by all the papers in the
United States. They'll speak of his
wlfe and children and town and
home, and he'll be big man fur the
rest of his life. He kin be elected
sheriff without opposition, and il
anyone runs ag'in him fur the Legis-
lature they'll be showed under.
What Pm here tonight fur is to
ask the questions Why moi
organize the Jericho Guards. And
why shouldn't the Jericho Guard:
be that escort ?"
There was yellin' and whoopin'
fur the next FIVE minutes, bur when
the deacon could make himself
heard he said
otis pint gentlemen-six Of
seven p'ints. I've read all the
speeches ever delivered by Hene,
Clay or Daniel Webster, and botf
of them put together never made
the pints our Bill Lapham has,
Bein' hey The floor, ri say I favoI
the idea. Yes, sir, I'm with II
heart and soul. want my name
to 90 down fust fur the Jericho
Guards, and Pm even willin' Ia
sacrifice myself and be captain Of
the company, S'posin' We hear from
Abner Jones on the subject"
- s'pose IT'S known IN this town
that my great grandfather was killed
at the battle Of Monmouth" say.
AOner as he gets off the
counter Though I amt braggin
about IT, Tll jest say that I'm
willin' to die fur my country any.
time I'm called upon, and if I'm
elected captain Of the Jericho
Guards I1l promise that no invader
shall set foot on these shores and
live five minits."
Thar's a pint in that" says the
deacon, as he looks a bit put out.
"When a mans willin' to die fui
HE cCuufrv ffafSe . -grv -. 81.