The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-04-18

naVCS nearQ IT, MOntmOrency knew IL
before. Then l preached sermon over
the tomb. Rose danced skirt dance.
We all wept."
Sandy Mcpherson, in moment Of alb
straction, put half a crown in the collec
ton plate last Sunday in mistake, for
penny, and has since expended deal Of
thought as to the best way of making up
for 1t: Moo, L might stay ava frae the
kirk till the sum was made up; but on
the ither ham, | wad be payin' pew rent
a the time an gettin' nae guild @ t.
Losh! But I'm thinkin' this is what the
meenister cas- a 'releegious difficulty.
Punch.
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an automobile! Have you had any eX
perience?'
Applcant-"Yo bet l have"
Official-"Where and how?'
Applcant4-"Why, I've steered a baby
carriage safely across Broadway OH
parade day. '-Harper's Bazaar.
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do YOU think the shortest route to
mans heart is through his stomach"
asked Miss Gabby, as she prepared to
exhibit her skill with the chating-dish tC
young DIR. Powders. "Oh, dear, noo' cX-
claimed the young physician, swelling mp
with the consciousness Of his superior
heart is by way of an incision through
the left sub-clavial section of the thor
acic particles" Thus is cold science
Wrestling Cupid's weapons one by one
from the hands Of the fair sex.-Baltl-
more American.
An old lady entered a watchmaker's
shop and handed to the assistant the pen
dulum Of an old Dutch clock.
Here mister" she said Il want YOU
to make my old clock 60"
but you must bring the clock,' said
the assistant.
You stupid FOOL The clocks all
right IT'S the pendulum that won't CO."
said the old lady, indignantly-Spa
Moments.
The family of Count Tolstoi has a
large circle Of acquaintance, and hardly
an evening passes but there are guests,
relates the Newcastle England Chroni-
Gle. AT one music party a lady's singing
displeased Count Tolstoi's boys, and they
adjourned to another room and made a
noise. Their father lost patience and
went after them and characteristic ad
monition ensued:
Are you making noise on purpose?'
he asked.
After some hesitation came an answer
in the affirmative: "Y-y-yes."
Does not her singing please you?'
"Wcll, no. Why does she howl?' de-
clared one of the boys, with vexation.
$50 you wish to protest against her
singing?' asked Lyeff Nikolaevitch, in u
serious tone.
Then go out and say SO, or stand in
the middle o. the room and tell every
one present. That would be rude. but
upright and honest. But you have got
together and are squealing like. grass
hoppers in corner. l will not endure
such protests
What pretty new shirt waist" he
exclaimed, as he tried to press a wrinkle
like it, she said shyly. wait a min
ute," he said, shifting the air; Il smell
something burning" Don't be alarmed
Fred" she said, drawing the arm tighter
about her which he had almost removed
Its this new waist. l got it at Culver's
fire sale today. "-Yonkers Stateman.
The nervous commuter had one minute
In which to catch his train. He was has
tening exceedingly when the cries Of
small boy smote upon his ear.
Hey, mister" shouted the urchin,
'yer've lost somethin'."
counted his bundles. What have LOST"
he painted. Why" said the boy ''yer've
lost that sh TIE ] put on your shoes Wis
tidy. I'll gil yer another fur nickel
Philadelphia Press.
Il don't see what they want to stop
them swindlers from usin' the mails |
fur" said Farmer COrntossel, who was
feeling ill-natured on general principles. |
Seems to me the government is allus
mixin' in
But it's better to have 'em stopped
Il dunno whether it's or not. It's GER
tainly heap cheaper to get your gold |
bricks through the postoffice than it is
to pay railroad fare an go to town after
'em. Washington Star.
The warm, pleasant reading room Of a |
free public library is quite as grateful to |
the average tramp as if there were no |
books there at all, says a writer in the |
Youths Companion. The common regu-
lation against sleeping, however, trOu-
bles him somewhat. and whether his |
book or paper is right or wrong side up,
he clutches it with energy. This keep
ing up appearances has very comic
side. and Il recent writer on tramp life
illustrates it:
One day l scraped acquaintance with
tramp IN reading room, and as if to
show it was the literary attraction which |
had brought him there, he suddenly
asked me in most confidential tone
what | thought of Tennyson. Of course
| thought good deal Of him and said
so, but ! had hardly finished before the
old fellow ENORMOUSLY remarked:
Don der think the best thing he ever
did was that air Charge of the Seven
teen Hundred?"
Mr.. Robin-"What kind of nest shall
we build this year, dear?"
Mrs. Robin-''Well, if you don't build
a prettier one than Mrs. Bluejay's over
in the apple tree I'll not set. Sc therer'
Ohio State Journal.
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Mr.. Adams-"My wife and l were
gratifed over letter re-
ceived from our boy the other day All
that he. leads his class
College ,Professor-"Ah yes. The boys
march into class in alphabetical order"
Philadelphia Press.
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One day Dom Paul had to travel from
Pretoria to Cape Town in a company
composed in part of Germans, in part of
English, says London cOrreSnOndent