The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-12-19

vi Watching tuIOuSS-
This often tOrn-up grid
AT last is rid
OF players, crowds and noise
And griefs and joys,
Because the seasons at an end.
And heroes to the common plane descend.
The crowds that used to root
And foot
The ear-appalling horn
Till people wished they'd ne'er been born,
Are scattered far and wide.
Their zeal to other tasks applied,
And many are the thanks expressed
BY citizens who get rest.
The heroes of the game
Who fiercely strOve for fame,
Where are they now?
Some proudly pose with laureled brow;
Some bruised, and prone. and stu,
Some limp along with crutch or cane,
Their every step creating pain:
And some by lengthy sitting veXed,
Await the busy BARRIERS "next!'
-Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph
Patrons of the vaudevilles have prob
ably been deprived of a portion of a
monologue that some one of those who
do turn" had worked out with a vast
amount of care and thought, under the
impression that it was funny. There is
in it just about the sort of wit INDUCED
by fllers-in at these shows. Whoever
owned it dropped it in one of the big New
York department stores of the town. 1t
turned it over to the Times of that city,
so that the mental effort may not be
wholly lost. Here it is:
"a TALE OF PANTS
pants are made for men and not for
women. Women are made for men, and
not for pants. When man pants for
a woman, and woman pants for a man,
they are pair of pants. Such pants
don't last. Pants are like molasses-
they are thinner in hot weather and
thicker in cold. Men are often mistaken
IN pants; such mistakes are breeches of
promises. There has been much discus
sion as to whether pants is singular or
plural. Seems to us when men wear
pants It is plural, and when they don't
wear any pants it is singular. Men go
on tear in their pants, and it is all
right; when the pants go to a tear it is
all wrong. If you want to make pants
last make the coat and vest first"
Proved onclusively-"What, Fishing
on the Sabbath" exclaimed the clergy
man, reprovingly. Don't you know that
little boys who fish on the Sabbath go to
replied the bad boy, disgustedly. II
couldn't a struck no worse place dan
dis. Philadelphia Press.
One Of the churches in a little West
ern town is so fortunate as to have q
young woman as it's pastor. She was
called to the door of the parsonage one
day, and saw there a much-embarrass ed
young farmer of the German type.
"Dey. said der minister lifed in dis
house." he said.
Yes replied the fair pastor
Mell-m-l-I want to kit merritt
TO get married! Very well. I can
marry you" said the ministeress, en-
couragingly.
"Oh, but I got a girl alreaty,' was the
dlsconcerting reply.-Brooklyn Life.
Forgot Himself-Wife-" AIy dear. YOU
hay haven't a cold, have y.ou?' Husband
Rheumatism Not particle, " .: ",
don't think it will rain, do you?'' '.No
danger. Why?" 'This is Sunday. and
it's most church New York
Weekly.
Charles Sumner in most matters was
quick enough of apprehension. yet even
he lacked the sense of humor. 1t is said
that one day, after tidings had arrived
from Washington Of the suicide of
Provost Paradol, the brilliant French
ambassador, Sumner was giving his theo-
Lowell asked: did you see the ambas
sador often before his death?"
YES was the reply; Il saw him ev-
cry day."
Did you converse with him in English
or in French?"
"Oh, [ talked nothing but French
Gentlemen" said Lowell, 1--WE do not
need to seek any further reason for his
death; this fully explains the suicide
The explosion which followed. we are
told, Sumner was never able to under
stand.
To friend who had expressed his
sympathy for Sumner when taken i'll he
replied: Il am not afraid to die. for |
have read through Calvin's Institutes in
the original Latin. ''-Philadelph Post.
Primus- Although you are a million.
aire my love is so great, sir, that it en-
boldens a poor man like myself to seek a
daughter of yours in marriage"
Secundus-"Which of the girls it is.
young man?'
Primus-''Any one of the three, sir
Tit-Bits.
ooh, the disgrace of it ALL" wept the
unhappy wife of the defaulting bank
Alas! Alas moaned her friends, not
knowing what to say.
'Oh, the disgrace!' continued the sor-
rowing woman. ''To think that Henry
only got away with $4,000. when every
body else is taking all the way from
a hundred thousand to Million
Now, when it was too late, she realized
her mistake in marrying an old-fashioned
man.-Baltimore American.
Contractor-''Did you offer that alder
man f10O as | directed?" Secretary
Eyes. SIR" ''How did he act?' HE
looked insulted." "What did he saw"
HE said | ought to be in the peniten-
tiary." What did he do?" He took
the money. "-Tit-Bits.
This is not a bad one, told in the Lon
don Express, of an American gentleman
who was recently stopping with his wife