Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1900-07-17


First Lady Killer-"Me steady says
you kissed her" Second Ditto-"G'v fanI
She's only boastin'. New York World.
Can you give me the name of the
first lady of the land r asked the teach-
er. Yes M" said the boy with the
frowsy hair, Eve" -Chicago Tribune
Facts in the case: How did he lose
his standing in the community by
getting drunk and letting train run
over his legs. Chicago Times Herald.
Are you going to spend the summer
in town. Hilkins?' Il expect to. My
wife wiz do all the spending out OF
town that / car afford Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Observation-Disclosures you've been a
long time in coming; didn't you hear
me calling?" Bridget-"No, ma'am:
not till yez called tn third toim.
ma'am.F-Ex.
Fuzzy-"They say that Aguinaldo In
vested half q million dollars IN the
Philippine rebellion" Wuzzy-"Well.
he can't complain; he is getting run
for his money. FIX.
Mrs. Snoggs-'I read to-day that a
pot of tea exploded in kitchen, Sc
yerely scaiding the cook" Mr.. Snaggs
1t must have been gunpowder."-
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Mamma-"You don't care what kind
Of a husband you get? Why, Gladys!'
| Gladys-"So long as he is handsome
and rich, and kind to me don't care.
so Observation-Disclosures Press.
Where ignorance is bliss: Hicks
(reading(-"There are many people that
suffer from dyspepsia for years With
out knowing it," Kicks Ga dysnepticl--
How l envy themw-Town Topics.
| Eminent Statesnan-"I must confess
that do not know what to do to save
the country" Wise Politician-"Bette
wait month and let the sweet girl
graduates tell us" Baltimore Ameri-
can.
Excited Lady tat the telephones
want my husband, please, ut once"
Voice from the exchangel-"Nu Number,
please?" Excited Lady (snappishly)-
only the fourth, you impudent thing"
/ --Tid-Bits.
$40 you know anything ut oil about
drilling3" asked the sergeant. FAITH.
know all about it," replied the raw
recruit; ~ wurked in a quarry for
monny years befoor l fined tn army"
Philadelphia Press.
II would like to be in one of those ca
petitions to the North Pole, would
your No: l prefer the South Pole"
| the two?" "All the difference in the
world. philadelphia Press.
what is blanc mango, papaT
"Blanc mango? 1t is that CHASTITY, hor-
rible, nervous, clammy dessert which
your mother generally gets up when we
have company so that can't shirk out
of eating it."-Indianapolis Journal.
More than even with him: Banker
Ito crushed ragedian)-''No; haven't
seen you act have not been inside q
theater for two years. Crushed Ira
gedian-"Its five years since I've been
inside bank. From The Ways OF
Men.
Mrs Grimes-'Do you know, Mr..
Briggs, that your hens get into my gar
den and make an awful mess Of 1T
They tear up everything with their
claws" Mr.. Briggs-"l don't know
what is to be done, unless you shoe
them"
What we're all coming to: What,
Winding the baby! said Northside, as
he entered Mapchester's home and
found his friend agitating the cradle.
YES" replied Manchester. 1--WE got
down to bedrock. Pittsburg Chroni-
cle-Telegraph.
"Women are an ungrateful lot"
Anything speclalY Eyes; my wife
urged me to go into politics. and ever
since didn't get nominated she has
talked about what lot Of new furni-
ture she could have bought with the
money ! spent indianapolis Journal,
Fuddy-FDo you know your wife APP
pears to be a charming woman?
hone YOU won't think me impertinent
to make such a remark?' Duddy-"Oh,
, no. that's all right That's what
used to think. That's the reason, In
fact that she happens & pe my wilaaiss,
The census-taktr rang The bell at the
house OF Gen Underthum. The gen
: erals wife responded. WHO IS the
head of this house, madam asked the
ccnsus-man. 81 am said she prompt
~. "And-er- have you any profession
i or occupationp "Well you can put m'
) down as a general manager PILLS
delphia Press.
! Bluster7"L don't are; believe ii
/ telling q fellow Just What | think o
s alm." MiIdmay ut Is grr-y &C..
better e L.. ss99ia.ssEyuy else what 70,
thiak Of o fian-that is Of course. If /
: Is something depfeeatory, If you tell +
10 'h@ man hlQ4eeI L VII probably &c
no farther. p.rt II t61 tell i to some
body else It Is IiTe:y tQ 60 the roif'ds., !.
u am sorry to dfsur2olni sou, y0tns
man. said the great faITwag liagnato
to the reporter who had called m for
the purpose Of writing him up, but I
did not begin at the bottom and work
my way up. was kicked through coli
Fpee by my father, inherited n fortune,
Wllleh invested in railroad shares. and
| hold this JOB because | have votes
enough to control it. 1t is too bad, my
young friend. but we can't all be self
made men We would become tire
| some" And he bowed the caller out.
Chicago Tribune.
/ Collaborating.
Cold, heaters, by hammering, can re-