The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-12-05

w no says she haSn got q gown,
And wants to put the horses down.
And thinks we'd better live i'll town:
Who commanders my only hack,
Returns him with bad sore back,
And says the little beast is slack:
Who thinks that l must ride a bike,
And makes me do what l don't like,
And tells me if / don't, she'll strike!
And when I'm feeling sad and low,
Who sympathiZes with my woe,
And softly breathes Il told you so?.'
NO ONE.
Punch.
The rummage sale, the rummage SAFE;
all hail the festive rummage sale. The
latest. greatest, paramountest issue since
the dinner pail" the fad that clears the
attic out; and likewise also clears the
cellar, and swaps off one mans scrap.
heap for the dollars of some other Teller;
the raging craze that captivates all class
es and societies, and finds a market for
old junk, it matters not how high it is.
There's nothing new beneath the sun,
nor in the modern rummage Sale-it looks
as if the stock in trade were gathered by
a Texas gale-and people crowd the bar
gain rooms, all clamor.ng to buy and
pay, for superannuated trash that other
people throw away. Variety's the essence
what you can't find at the sale you'll
never find at all-no, never. The list is
:lil-embracing, ranging from Il broken
looking glass to cooking stoves, can-open-
ers, false hair and candlestickS Of brass;
there's stuffed canary birds, with half
the cotton stuff hanging out. bottles,
Bibles, boots and bonnets, leather belts
frames and gimlets, carpet stretchers,
petticOatS; soup tureenS and concertinaS
that won't play one-half their notes; bat
tered cuspidors and scissors, spectacles,
mismated socks; washboards, rat traps,
stovepipe hats and wornout collars by
saws; watches that have lost their
wheels; earrings, bootjacks, carriers,
razors, slippers minus toes and heels;
breastpins, horsewhips pickles, harness.
swords with blade and scabbard rusted
dishpans, chromos, fountain pens with
both pen and fountain busted; every kind
of wooden, tin and crock'ry things to put
things in: tintypes of somebody's grand
mas long-forgotten kith and kin. There
comedy and pathos in the blending of this
-brac; it wakenS trains of memory,
OF the faces, days and years far back.
Rare visions Of long bygone scenes most
surely will the heart regale, amid the rag
tag relics of that latest craze, the rum
mage sale.-New Haven Palladium.
Tim Murphy, the popular comedian
saw an old co.ored woman sitting under
an awning tanning herself, when he was
in Washington, d. c., this summer Its
drea dfully hot, isn't it, nanny" asked
Mr.. Murphy. deed it is, chile" said
the old woman" deed it is. faint
right for it to be so hot this-a-way tell
you, forty years ago, when the blessed
Lawd made the weather. we didn't have
these stewing days. honey. no, deed, we
didn't; but now these biggety men up
at this here weather office has the making
OF the weather, they does send us any
thing they please, and they amt skillfu!,
chile, they amt skillful."
The English actor, Toole. and the late
Sims Reeves were very intimate friends
The comedian tells story of how he
met Reeves in a train ON the way to
Liverpool, and asked him to teach him
the notes of THE Speakers Eye a
comic song that had vogue for a long
time. relates the Newcastle (Eng.)
Ously, and it must have been intensely
amusing for Toole to have Reeves show
him how &c sing it, Reeves giving the
comic words and melody with operatic
yerve.
One day Toole heard that Reeves was
staying at certain hotel in a city he
was passing through. The comedian
was in the garden. Toole saw him sit
ting i'll shady corner reading & news
paper; he knew him at once by his black
and curly hair. Toole crept behind him.
and saluted him with a snatch of My
Pretty Jane. of which Toole could give
an excellent imitation. Reeves took no
notice.
Toole laughed to himself. and stood
apart. feeling, perhaps. that Reeves
wanted to finish his reading, or desired
to encourage his fun. Then the comedian
went for the great tenor again. this time
trying verse of Come Into the Garden,
Maud. Reeves get up and took another
seat, Toole gave him taste of tom
Bowling. whereupon Reeves turned
upon him to inquire what the deuce he
meant. 1t was not Reeves at ALL
The following unique claim is posted
on mine in the Grand Encampment in
Wyoming: I'VE found it, and we claim
it by the right of founding it. It's our'n.
It's $50 feet in every direction except
southwest and northeast, and there is
30O feet on each side of this writin'.
It's called the Bay Horse, and we claim
even the spurs, and we don't want no
body jumping on this Bay Horse-thats
what's these trees is around here for, and
We've got the same piece of rope that
we had down in old Missouri
The lady story writer lowered in the
doorway.
Perhaps YOU take me for a writer Of
patent medicine ADVERTISING she sarcas-
tically remarked TO the startled editor.
Il think not, madame" he managed to
reply; what seems to be the difficulty? 2"
Then you have not noticed it?'' she
cried.
Hhe shook his uncombed locks.
LISTEN she said as she flung a glance
of disdain at HIM. THE atrocity occurs
in the chapter of my story where the
American heiress discovers the pertidy of
her spendthritt French husband This
is the particular sentence: She paled
with Indignation, and, STOPPING suddenly,
took bill from the oblong box before
her. -
Yes said the editor. ''Was there an
error in the printed copy?"
.Error!' shrieked the authoress; ''there
We're two of them! They were worse
than errors-they are crimes! Listen;