The true northerner., 1900-11-30

THEY RoUTED THE REVENUE MEN
WHO WE'RE HUNTING WHISKY.
xeb White Tells How the PesiSy
varmints sampled His Moonshine
Juice and the Result. and Mrs. Zeb
Has a Word Ia Say About Drains.


"We'd bin maxim moonshine whis-
ky over in the big ravine fur about
three weeks" said the old possum
hunter of Tennessee. "when a thumpin
big bar cum down out of the thicket
one day and acted In a mighty Gurus
way. 1t was in the summer, and he
was sheddin his fur, and, though I
had my rifle handy, | didn't keer TO
shoot him. That bar smelt the whis-
ky, and he shifted and snuffed and
seemed to want "A taste. | hollered at
him and driv him off two or three
times, but he kept comm back. My
ole woman had come over with my
supper, and arter watchin the bar fur
awhile she said.
"'Zeb, that bar wants drink OF
con juice suah's yo'r bon, and I'm fur
givin it TO him.
II laughed at the idea, but as he
continued TO hang around the place
the old woman poured about n pint Of
the stuff into pan and set it on a
stone so rods away. She had skassly
turned her back befo' the bar was
lappin it up, and he smacked his lips
over it jest like n man. In a leetle
while he walked off, and later on we
heard sich' a row down around the
bend that we crept down to see what
it was. 1t was our bar and his mate.
That pint of whisky had made our
bar feel mighty jolly, and he was in
sistin that the other bar dance around
and roll over with him. One was drunk
and jolly and the other sober and mad.
and the way they carried on was as
good as n circus. Next day both bars
showed up fur whisky and went off as
jolly as you please, and half an hour
later l walked right up to them as
they slept and snored. / wasn't fur
glvin away any mo- licker, but the
ole woman thinks il over and says:
"'Zeb. the fur Of them bars won't be
wuth shucks fur three months, but
what's the matter with shettin the
varmints up in our outdoor cellar fur
the rest of the summer? | reckon we
kin manage to feed 'em. and each hide
will fetch S15 as soon as the fur is
prime
81 decided that it was a good idea,
and we put out hull quart of whisky
fur 'em, but fur some reason they had
left the nayburhood. The old woman
reckoned they'd got ashamed Of them
selves and gone off To avoid temp
tashun. and kinder figgered that they
was off spreadin the news and invitin
oIo -ba
a good thing. We'd about given up
seein 'em ag'in when they showed up
l was all alone at the still that day.
but had ropes at hand TO tie 'em up in
case our plan worked. and | poured
two full quarts of whisky into the pan
and set it out in the old place. Them
bars had bin roamin around and keep
In sober fur 50 long that they was
dyin fur a spree. and they Tapped up
every drop Of that licker and licked
their chops fur mo-. They didn't git
Jolly, as looked fur. On the contrary,
they snarled and growled and wanted
to pick fuss with esch other. Mebbe
n bar is like man about drinkin.
Let him git too much. and he's ugly
instead of jolly. ! waited awhile and
then follered 'em, hopin TO find 'em
asleep. and that's how | cum to see
sight to make my ha'r stand up.
"Down around the bend in the ra-
vine was grassy spot. and what
saw was them bars rollin four men
over the ground. 1t wasn't mint
befo' | knowed who them men was.
They was revenoo fellers who he'd got
news Of my still and was sneakin up
the ravine to ketch me red handed.
The bars had met 'em and pitched
right in | reckon the fellers was too
surprised to fire a shot, though all had
pistols. and the way them bars did
slam 'em around was caution. Two
Of the fellers broke away as soon as
got thar, but the other two was so bad
ly clawed that arter the bars left 'em
they could skassly crawl, and I'm suah
they laid out in the woods all night.
was much obleeged to the varmints. as
yo' may reckon, as they he'd saved me
from surprise. and in my gratitood |
said to the ole woman:
81 amt gwine TO play no tricks on
varmint what has saved me from
ruin. and shan't try TO captur' 'em.
Deed, but I'll furnish 'em with free
con juice and let 'em hev good
time
"They was back next day fur their
drink, and, rememberin how a quart
had made 'em ugly drunk, | only sot
out a pint. They Tapped it up and
looked fur mo-, and when no mo- was
fo'thcomin they gin us surprise party.
Thar was To- men of us at the still
that day, and arter growlin around fur
awhile them bars cum chargin down
upon us. We had to scatter mighty
sudden, and they kept us away fur an
hour. Thar was no whisky TO be got
at, and they tore down our shanty.
clawed our blankets into strips and
went off growlin at each other. We
didn't see 'em ag'in fur a month.
Then one day as l was carryin keg
Of the stuff on my shoulder along
mountain path | run full tilt into the