The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-09-09
Fun of the Word,

When Senator James Stephen Green Of
Missouri boarded at the National Hotel
at Washington. .. c.. he was very pop
uiar with the guests of the hotel Chair
man r r. HIT Of the committee on
foreign relations found out that Green
was not much OF a chureh-goer. and in
sisted that the senator should mead MS
ways in that regard One Sunday he
was late for dinner. The women asked
him why. I have been attending d.
vine worship replied the senator.
gravely. ITO what church do you go.
SENATOR" asked a woman 4 don {
know, answered the courtly Missonrian-
Who preacher" they asked. = don't
know. he salds ! walked Up the ave-
nue., turned up Fourth street, and en-
tered a church on the legt-hand side"
This was an Episcopal church. How
did you Ike the service?" asked another
woman. 1T appeared 10 me answer q
the senator, that there was too much
reading OF the journal and too little de-
bate"
Eg q <
For several months before the Phia-
delphia and Kansas City conventions we
were jocular.y offering The Vi e. resi-
dency TO almost every man in town. Al
dinner one night some one named john
Allen for Bryan's running mate. The
Mississippi wit and story-te.ier was cali
ed out amid laughter.
III tell you what I think about this
vice-presidency," he said. in his delight
full Southern drawl There vas a
friend of mine in New York. He had
been out all night having a good time
On his way home after daylight he pick
ed up a morning paper and read in the
personal column: Wanted, a travelling
companion 10 Europe Advertiser viii
pay all expenses, but companion must
be witty and genial Apply William
Smithers, No. a West Forty-fourth
street
MY friend at once called a cab and
drove to No ii West oriy-fourth. he
pulled the bell. There was no answer.
nearly yankeG the thing out BY the
roots. At lasta butler appeared.
What do you WANT
"1sh thish "A West Forty-fourth
street,
Yes What do you want?
William Smithers live here? =
Yes, but YOU can't see him at this
beastly hour
~ must shee i'm. Go tell Mr.. Smith
ersh business greatesh importansh-
greatesh urgency-mush shee him, y
know.
THE butler went away. and pretty
soon another man appeared and opened
the door few inches.
What do you want of me?'
.Are you Mr.. Smithersh?"
Yes, l am But what DC you mean
by coming here at such an hour2 II you
have any business with me come in the
daytime
You are William Smithersh sf Al
West Forty-fourth street,
Yes, yes; what of it,
Did you put an advertisement in the
paper fr man to go TO Europe with
your
Yes. did: but what
well. I've come around 10 let you
know. shir, that 1 can't co.
tx z z
An officer named Vinton Was cele-
brated in his garrison for winning every
bet. None of his comrades could boas:
of ever having been successful, and al
last no one cared to bet with him. One
day Vinton was transferred 10 another
regiment, but the fame OF his peculiar
luck had already spread before him.
After supper rendered him by his new
comrades on the evening Of his arrival,
and when champagne made its appear
ance. the Colonel called out:
rs It really true, Vinton. that you win
every bet?"
Eyes, Colonel?'
But how on earth DO you do it?"
ooh, very simply. I am d physiog-
nomist"
well. what, for instance, can you
read in nv face?'
Il can see said vinton. promptly.
that the old wound In your side has
broken out again"
Nonsense Numbered the Colonel
Perhaps you do not like,to speak Of
1t; perhaps
"oh, You won't believe me! What
will you bet?'
Anything you please, Colonel"
"a pony?"
"AIl right a pony"
The Colonel at once proceeded 10 divest
himself of his coat and shirt, and a
scrutiny by all the other officers pres
ent revealed the fact that there was no
trace OF wound whatsoever.
You have lost your bet. Flnton, "
shouted the Colonel. resuming his gar
ments.
Il have lost. but men may err some
times. Here IS your GZ5
When the Colonel reached his quarter
that night he wrote 10 his old cnum.
the Colonel in command Of vinton's
former regiment:
Dear FTiend-The story about Vim
tons luck is all humhug Re has Just
made a bet Of E25 that 7 had wound
in my side. and OF course lost it."
The answer came back:
your Rreenness is truly chsrmir
Your winning f25 has cost ne ei1o
Tinton bet me that sam on the lag -
his leaving that he would make you. on
the first evening of meeting. take off
your shirt in The presence o. your fei o.
officers"
< x
One day "a legal correspondent writes
before the late lord chief Justice took
silk. he was sitting IN court when an
other barrlsteF, leaning across th-
benches during the hearing % a trial
for biearny. whispered. Russell. whaF e
the extreme penalty for bigamye" Two
mothers-in-law." instantly re5iie3 Rrz-
SELL
Il put IN day visiting some q your
police courts. said a - Louis lawyer
VINO IS spending August In and about
New York some u your magistrate
have more dignity than the judiciary 4
cur lrn1er courts I Ga rot see Cae p aoss