Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-08-14

taken to be sworn in recently by the
magistrate. Everything was gong
swimmingly till the magistrate asked
the man, Have you ever been III
pr.son?' At this the man looked star
tied, but, quickly recovering hlmse1'
he blurted out, NO, sir, l have never
been in Jail, but l don't mind doing
few days if you think it necessary
A singer named Gordon once COM
planned to Handel Of the style OF MS
accompaniments, which attracted the
attention from the singer, saying that
if he did not accompany him better he
would jump upon the harpsichord ana
destroy it. Very vell,' said Handel,
tell me ven you will do dat and l VIII
advertise it. More people will come to
see you jump dan to hear you sing.
1t is said by those who know Cecil
Rhodes, the South African magnate,
that he has, lin common with Lord
Kitchener, a strong aversion to the op-
posite sex. While on visit to London
before the commencement of the war
he dined at the house of very wealthy
lady of title, and later, when he was
discussing the affair with his secre-
tary, the latter asked: ''And whom did
YOU take to dinner?' "Oh, l don't
know. Some Lady Somebody" was the
reply "But what did you call her?
"Didn't call her anything-nevers spoke
to her."
/. When recently asked to write in a
certain lady's album the Prince OF
Wales playfully declined, saying: "A
little while ago l spent nearly an hour
one evening writing verses in several
albums. 1 even made up verse so
badly put together that only royal
prince, or duke at the best, could have
had the shame to write such stuff. Now,
madam, what do you think happened to
my verses? Well, they were all sold at
a good stiff price a week later to pro-
vide funds to support the Society for
the Restoration of the Stuarts. Per-
haps, Lady - and the Prince laugh
ed heartily, "if I write in your album,
you will sell the book to provide funds
for the abolition of the monarchy in
England"
A discharged soldier, lately returned
from the Philippines, tells tale of
shirt which is too good to be lost. His
company was returning from long
and tiresome scouting trip, in which
most of the men had parted with the
greater part of their wearing apparel,
when he saw on a clothes-line in the
grounds of residence adjoining big
stone church two very good shirts,
hung out to dry. AS he had at the time
only half shirt to his back, he pro-
ceeded to help himself to whole one.
Whereupon woman came out of the
house and said to him, in passab1e Eng
lish: "You will pay for that on the judg-
ment day" Madam" he replied, 'if
you give such long credit, I will take
both Shirts" which he proceeded to do.
A charge of watch robbery was pre-
ferred before the late Sir James Ing
ham by gentleman against an indi-
vidual who had travelled in the same
carriage with him from Bournemouth,
but in the end it was found that the
watch had not been stolen, but had
been left home by the prosecutor. To
mollify the innocent man, Sir James
said: "It is most remarkable occur
renee. To show, however, how liable
we all are to make these mistakes,
was under the impression when I left
my house at Kensington this morning
that put my watch (which, I may
mention, is, an exceedingly valuable
one) in my pocket, but arriving at this
court I found that must have left it
at home by mistake" While business
was proceeding an old thief at the back
of the court went out, jumped into a
hanson cab, drove off to Sir James
Ingham's residence, and. by represent
ing himself as a bona fide messenger,
obtained possession Of the watch,
which has never been heard of since.