New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1900-02-23
THE TALK Of THE DAY.

An inspector of schools has been giving IN The
Humanitarian" an English publication selection
of the leading 'howIers'' of his acquaintance. The
shrewdest OF all the answers came from very
small boy, who asked to give text which
forbade marry two wives Without
moments pause he replied: mo man can serve two
masters.
Careful Husband.-Friend latter tea)-Tour
little wife is a brilliantly handsome woman l
should think you'd be Jealous of her.
I am never invite anybody here that any
would take fancy to.-CNew-York Weekly
In his recently published ''Recollectiors" Sir AL
gernon West tells a story Of Marwood the execu-
TONER who preceded Ellington. which will bear re-
telling One of the officials at the Colonial Office
had occasion to consult Marwood as TO the most
rapid way of putting a man out of existence
Marwood expressed himself in favor of what he
professionally called ''the long drop" and drove
home his argument by remarking: There was
Mr.. Peace. now. small man; I gave him a six
foot drop and 1 hassure you. sir, he passed hof
like a summer heve."
of miscellaneous goods at a country store the auc-
0 od fsrmeP INSPECTED it closely seemed to think
there bargain in 1t, and yet he hesitated TO
Think It cheap" asked the auctioneer, crying
yes. Kinder was the reply.
Then why don't you bid and get it,
and Fo on sioWy rejoined the old man az and
never yet took home anything that the old woman
r ro6eI r e WsS Is cents grab it pull at
end ehaw on n c8rner and cal out Cheated aga4
bid."-CArizona Republican.
John Clerk afterward known as Lord Eldn
was limping down Highest. Edinburgh. day.
when he heard young woman remark to her
companion:
THAT is the famous John Clerk, the lame law
yer"
He turned round and said. with his mot IN
wonted coarseness';
You lie, ma'am! I a lame man. but not
lame lawyer"
An incident occurred IN the District Court room
parallel in the court history of Texas When it be-
SANE t ern 10 b q the 70 e
of Judge Hall. the duty Of swearing IN Judge Pom
dexter ora odg ones e e gp OF district
clerk.-(Houston Crex) Post
In one English home at least. the progress of
the campaign must naturally be watched with
somewhat divided feelings. The head OF the house
hold a hale old farmer. has four sons engaged
with the armies-two the siie OF the British
and two the side of the Beers. The farmer
himself prays for the success of the British arms.
Legitimate steal-De Faque-If could get
some to invest 81 900 in that scheme of mine
could make some money.
''Why, $1OoO."-CPittsburg Dispatch
In the laundry OF insane asylum at Pontiac
Mich. electric irons instead of gas irons. have
proved to be peculiarly adapted for insane asylum
service. where most OF the work is done by the
patients There is no chance OF their setting any
thing on fire with the irons and as they are kept
at an even temperature they do not require the
exercise of judgment in changing them.
short on LegsLThe The volunteer in the Philippines
"Fetbe e need $50 Immediately Lost another
leg In battle yesterday
And this was the reply he received from the old
man;
James AS this is the fourth leg you've Iost-ac-
eordi9g TO your letteIrSuyoT ought to be accus-
on any other legs you may have left That's all I
say to you!"-(Atlanta Constitution.
A Philadelphia suburbanite notes that layer of
over the country saves thousands OF dollars
to the people by the saving in gas. Snow is so
powerful a reflector that see TO read at
least half-hour longer on account OF IT. and thus
about 10 cents worth OF gas is saved each evening
In Reduced Circumstances-A man struck To-
for job. Where did you work last?' he was
asked AT the reduction works In Kansas City.
reducing large stones into little ones" he replied
KANSAS City Journal
The Rev DR.. Mackenzie a Presbyterian minister
of San Francisco has made fortune by raising
oranges
Onward came the frantic steed!
People, shrtekng. fled it's path;
From constraintng forces freed
On 1t came-a thing of wrath.
Bildad heard the noise and ran;
Saw the terror clear the street:
Something stirred the little man
Thrilled him TO hts very feet
Bndads courage did not flag
All the danger clear he saw;
Click he'd caught the rushing nag
Caught II with his camera!
Cleveland Plain Dealer.