The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1900-12-22
HOwELL's BIG FIND.
u Was Guaranteed to increase nj.
Popularity.

KIND OF diri.
There was glad young light in the
! eyes Of Howell Van Rensselaer, Gibbon
as he stalked into the room, tenderly
clusching small. pink paper covered
| book.
Look outl' he cried. I'm danger
Gus mani I'm primed with fascinations
clear to the limit, and I've only TO look
once at you girls 10 make you grovel at
my feet. At last have found out how
these Willie boys who have three din
ner invitations every night and who use
! crested scented notes twisted up to light
I their cigarettes manage 1t. They're go
Z ing TO unload popularity at my trout
/ door from a moving van rs soon as be-
gin.'
| The young persons who sat with drop
ped jaws said "WhyF
| Howell sat down and opened the pink
book. "The name of this valuable
brochure" he said, sis The Art OF Be-
ing Popular With the Ladies' picked
II up at a cheap book stand. The anony-
nous Samaritan who wrote 1t simply
shovels ont wisdom like n millionaire
distributing nickels. He tells in various
succinet chapters How to court a quiet,
domesticated young lady; how to make
| love TO proud young lady, poetical
or sentimental girl; how to spark bash
full girl; how to woo an heiress; how 20
make love to a literary young lady,
religious young lady; how TO win an ac-
tress and how TO court a widow IL you
run up against any other kind OF girls,
you have 10 take your chances or work
your imagination. Next time l meet one
OF those naughty creatures who give
you pneumonia with a single glance i
shall remember page 20 and start in TO
capture her.
The author says in regard TO making
/ love 10 a proud young lady: Girls of
this description are sometimes exceed
ingy difficult to get hold Of ON account
of the narrow system of training they
have been subjected to. Family pride
has thrown barriers around them. Be
gin the counting of such a girl with the
determination not to be discouraged or
rebuffed, and whatever may take place
determined perseverance will usually
crown your efforts with success Look
at the discreetness of the phrase, What
ever may take place It's so much
more tactful than saying, III her father
kicks you out
literary girl, the author admits you are
up against 1t; also he reveals the hideous
deprayity of the feminine heart, ever
thirsting for iattery. He says: 1T is
not every man who can do this, and he
Should not attempt 1t unless he has
decided taste for literature and intel
lectual pursuits in preference to domes-
tic or home enjoyments.
TO the true literary lady the duties
of wife, as relating TO the management
of house, rearing a family, etc, are de-
cidedly repugnant. She will expect you TO
be acquainted with all the new books as
they appear. especially works Of fiction
and poetry. Admire the productions of
/ her own pen. Generally you cannot put
too much flattery ON these matters. Au-
thoresses are usually exceedingly vain on
matters of their own composition. IL nee
essary you may use your influence in get
ting her productions In print, and the
best present you can make her is to get
printed in handsome style a poem Of her
own composition
ITS when he tells how to court SEN
timental girl that the author turns on
the calcium light and the orchestra tunes
up. Doesn't this start your heart beat
ing? Listen: "A young man who sets his
heart ON a girl of this class must live
! much on the ethereal. To be much abb
sorbed in mundane matters viii prove dis
astrous TO all your aspirations in this d.
rection. You must be thoroughly versed
in the poetry of life, so that in your in
itiatory addresses to her you can give a
romantic view TO the simplest point In
hand Isn't that cold proposition for a
fellow?
"Sit up nights and memorize poems!
I've already learned the little poem he
gives later, when he says reservedly: We
will now suppose the momentous time for
the all important question has arrived.
| Choose some fine, calm summer evening
when everything is soft and delicious.
You may now come to the point by adj
dressing her in an imprisoned manner
in such language as this:
! "oh, my sweetest Augelinal
BY the blue sky and its crowdng stars
| love you better OH far better than
! Woman was ever loyed There's not hour
OF day or draining night but am with thee;
There's not wind but whispers Of thy name.
! And not a flower that sleeps beneath the moon
/ But in its huss or fragrance tells tale
OF thee, my love, to my fond. anxious heart"
Mr.. Gibbon closed his eyes in rapture
after this excerpt. Pm going to spring
that on Genevieve this evening" he con-
fded. IL think the consequences may be
interesting.
"And this author has a simple superhu-
man wisdom. He has delved deep into
the mysteries of the feminine mind. He
says the greatest trouble is TO get on IA
mliar terms with girls who are excessive
ly bashful, but these bashful girls are
usually dear, precious creatures, SO con-
fiding. innocent and sweet; no distrust,
reserve or coquetry, and when married
make the best and dearest treasures that
a man can DO blessed WITH. His meaning
Is commendable il his grammar is excit-
ed. Further on he makes bright sallies
like this:
1.-The principal difficulty to overcome
In wooing an heiress is to remove the i'm
preston that you are prompted by merce-
nary motives | guess that's what has
always folled my attempts. did not get
the impression totally removed. Tell
her. he advises, that you would prefer
| hor 20 ptaoa har wealth in tho hands of