The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-10-04

vel LloCu AOI u iuoJ . companion.
James-"Yis, mum. The cook wants
a helper, you know."-Judge.
Unreaiized.
"There was q time when I thought
he showed traces of genius"
Eyes; but he's jumped over the
traces. "-Philadelphia Record.
Force of Habit.
"Give up the keys of the cityr' de-
the chief of the allies.
"You got checker" asked the cor
poral Of the guard at Pekin.-Phila-
deiphia North American.
knowledge VS.. Wisdom.
"What's the difference between
ami wisdom?'
"Well, it takes knowledge to build
an automobile, but it takes wisdom
to run it."-Chicago Record.
An Easy One.
Mr.. Askitt-"How is it that no mat
ter how small a chunk Of ice I get
it always weighs thirty pounds?"
Iceman-''That's as low as the scales
20, m friend. "-Baltimore American.
His Position.
Mrs. Hoon-"Mrs. Babbleby can talk
entertainingly in three different Ian
guages."
Mr.. Hoon-"Yes; and I have noticed
that her husband has to keep still
in one."-Judge.
For Distant Friends.
''Well, that caps the climax"
whats that?",
Cook says those folks in that little
house on the corner came over while
we were gone and had their photo
graphs taken sitting on our veranda."
Journal.
Full of Water.
"How do you feel now?" asked his
rescuers.
Like a Jersey trust" gasped the
lf-drowned man, family.
Then they rolled him on the barrel
some more, for they, too, were fnan-
ciers.-Harpers Bazaar.
Crushed.
Office Boy-HHere's your poems, sir;
de editor says dey are not half bad.
and he's sorry"
Poet-"Ah! Indeed.
Office Boy-"Yes, sir. Sorry dat he
read 'em, and he says dey are all bad.
Good day, sir."-Philadelphia In
Quirer.
He Felt 1t KeenIy.
Elderly Spinster (horrified)-"L Little
boy, aren't you ashamed to go in bath
ing in such public place with such
a bathing suit as that onY
Small Boy-"Yes'm: but me mother
makes me wear it. I'll take it off.
though, if you'll promise to say moth
ing to her about it."-Leslies Week
ly.
Its Chief Charm.
Nodd-"This modern American life
is all wrong. Too much hurry. l have
just taken a quiet, retired nook in the
country, where a man can have abso-
lutte rest"
Todd-"How far away"
Nodd-'That's the beauty of the
place Only forty minutes from my
Office"
Literary Irrigation.
"Your latest novel seems very dry"
said the reader of the publishing
house to the young but rising author.
II was pretty sure you would say
that" rejoined the author. "Conse-
quently if you will count them you
will find the heroine weeps tears on
just 253 pages of my story.
land Plain Dealer.
willing to Learn.
Mamma, don't you think
women should know how to cook, SO
that they may be able to look after
their husbands digestion when they
marry"
Mamma-"Certainly, dear"
Ethel--"Mayn't l go to the kitchen.
then, and practice making butter.
scotch "-Brooklyn Life,
Common Sense Piano Keys.
I'D be willing" said the chronic dys-
peptic, "to give my months salary to
any man who would invent piano
with common sense keys only"
what do you mean by common
sense keys?"
why, the kind that could only be
used to lock the blamed thing up
Philadelphia Press.
Ready to Meet 1t.
The guest at the expensive hotel had
been overcome by the heat and the
sight of the bill combined and was
lying on the marble floor of the office.
Stand back" exclaimed some one.
land give him air.
Nor gasped the guest, temporarily
reviving. Put it in the bill. I'm
willing to pay for it"-Chicago Trib-
une.
An Unconscious Disciple.
Trotter-"It's a favorite amusement
among the Eastern fakirs to twist
themselves into some understanding,