Evening star., 1900-06-30
THEBoY AND HIS DRUM

This Columbia Heights boy saved up and
bought himself a drum about three weeks
ago. Among the large number of municipal
ordinances that will go into effect when
civilization has reached higher and nobler
plane will besione prohibiting the sale OF
drums to small boys While it is virtually
impossible foria grown man to purchase
morphine or pfussic acid or arsenic with
out a prescription. all that a small boy
needs in orderito get, hold Of drum is the
price thereof, or an ddiotic relative to buy
him one. There can be no question as to
the relative deadiness of morphine or prus-
sic acid or arsenic and drum in the hands
of a small boy. The effect of the drug is
individual and singular. A drum in the
hands of a small boy can wreck the lives
and poison the minds of the residents of a
whole neighborhood
Anyhow, this Columbia Heights small boy
got hold of a drum about three weeks ago.
His father, who has low forehead and a
receding chin and an indeterminate mouth,
brought the drum home to the boy. Ihe
boy did the rest.
He got into the habit of getting up at
o'clock In the morning in order to perform
on his drum. His father didn't care. Any
how. his father was an early riser and so
was his mother. If they were late sleepers,
however, they wouldn't have minded. 10
them this particular boy is the only one in
the census lists, and what he does Is just
right and goes.
The boy wouldn't wait to dress himself
after getting up at sunrise before getting
his drum out. He would go out to the
kitchen door in his nightie and sit on the
step and perform on his drum. After per-
forming for about an hour in that makeup
he'd run upstairs and get his clothes on
and then he would hurry down to the back
yard and perform some more on his drum
He didn't aspire to scientific playing. He
didn't attempt any rolls trills or stacca-
niZZlc2tOS
just clubbed his drum without rhythm or
time until he got tired. Then he'd rest his
arms for>fuliy eighteen seconds and drum
some more. After half an hour or so in the
back yard, by which time it got around to
about half-after six, he'd go out to the
front yard, where he'd take on new lease
of drumming. He'd sit on the front steps
and drum impartially and enthusiastically
for half an hour or so. and then he'd march
up and down the block and do some more
drumming.
Hoilow-eyed men looked out of their back
or front windows-it didn't make any differ
ence whether they slept front or back, they
got the drum anyhow-and gazed at the boy
with the drum, and wished that they were
over their subjects. Nervous women, suf-
fering under the best of conditions from
insomnia looked through the Stats of their
blinds and ached to have their fingers
twined in the hair of that nice little boy
with the drum. Dogs in their kennels in
the back yards growled savagely over the
devilish performances OF the boy with the
drum. Children in their hunks whimpered
over their broken slumbers, broken by the
fiendish performances of the boy with the
drum. Servant girls. unable to hear them
selves think whether they wanted to work
or not during the hot summer months as
they poked over the morning fires, mutter-
ed of the direful things they hankered to
do to the boy who performed on the drum.
Men and women tossing on beds of sick
ness in the neighborhood implored their at
tend3ntS heaven
some effort to suppress the boy with the
drum.
A delegation Of women neighbors finally
went to the boys mother about it. They
were sent right about face. with their
cheeks burning, and told to mind their own
business. A delegation of men went to the
boys father about the sunrise drum per
formance but the chinless low forehead
with the indeterminate mouth grinned like
a walrus and told them that if he cou.d
stand the drum he guessed the neighbors
I'D have to.
The dawn drum performances went on
regularly until several of the men in the
| neighborhood seriously thought of enticing
the boy to some secluded spot in the woods
and there losing him by showing him over
| a cliff. Others thought Of making the small
boy with the drum a present of pound OF
nice poisoned jujube paste. Sundry and
divers other suggestions Of a similar char
acter were put forth.
But Of the sufferers who owned
small boy of his own thought he had solved
the problem when he brought home one
evening last week a fine new base ball bat
and fine new league ball. These he hand
ed to his own small boy, instructing his own
small boy to trade them off for the other
boys drum. The dicker went through all
right that same evening, and the small boy
with the wise dad brought the devilish
drum home and gave it to his paw. His paw
toted it all over the neighborhood that even
ing and showed it triumphantly to all of
the sufferers, who looked upon him with
admiration and patted him on the back, and
talked of getting up boom for him for
Commissioner next year.
| The next morning the drumming boy
made his appearance in his back yard on
schedule time. Instead of drum he used
the bottom of a wooden pail, but his en-
thusiasm wasn't diminished 10 cents worth
When he had finished his backyard per-
formance he went out into the front yard
and drummed for the usual length of time
on the bottom of the pail.
Since then the boy has been drumming
every morning, in both his front and back
yard, on the upturned pail. The rumor that
he is saving up his pennies to get himself
another drum on the Fourth of July has
caused real estate for a block around to
slump fully 60 cents per foot If the Wash
ington papers contain within q very short
| time an account of boy mysteriously
| kidnapped up around Columbia Heights way
| the readers of this may do a little quiet
| thinking and then kindly hold their peace.