davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
JlNoLES AND JESTS.

II 8 you for bread" moaned the
INDECENT person, ~reproachfully, "and
you found me q free library!'-De.
troit journal.
First Doctor-'That sick man is a
%conundrum to me-" Second Doctor.
What did you do" First Doctor
Il gave him up"
Mabel-"Would you marry a man
who had been refused?" Dolly-'If
he were rich and the refusing had been
by the insurance companies."-Life.
IT'S said there's nothing ST. in life
Such folly makes us smile, .
For every year, despite our strife,
Our clothes go out of style.
Chicago Record.
Living Skeleton-'The Armlesa
Wonder is a most im%provident per.
son." The Sword Swallower-"Yes;
he lives q regular foot-to-mouth exist.
ence." =
"Ah" softly hummed the mosquito,
as the sleeping victim restlessly
turned over in his bed. 1.-THE other
cheek! He must be q good MANI
chicago Dun
Hell belieye I'll go to church with
you this morning, Clara" She-"In-
deed you won't; you've got your new
suit, and mine hasn't come home yet
Indianapolis Journal.
He-"Would you mind a little tenn.
porary inconvenience, dear; q few
years of poverty when you marry me %
Good Gracious! Don't you expect to
live any longer than that?"-Life.
GIVE loved and Lest, " be sadly cried;
my hearts been dealt a fearful whack.
I've lost far more than just a bride;
She didn't give my presents back!"
Philadelphia Reed.
Sinker-"The man at the boat house
cheated us ON the bait. The minnows
are all dead. What shall we do?
Tinker-"We better strike him for a
rebate."-Uniyersityo of Michigan Wrin-
kle.
Brown-"That is q beautiful medal
Smith has" Jones-'Yes; that's for
beating the bicycle record" Brown
what is his record?" Jones-"Ran
over seventeen men in a week.
Harlem Life.
Dealer-"Well, madam, you can
have this old lamp for what it is
worth to you" Madam-"Oh, I can't
afford to give you that much; you
must put your W price on it,
| Chicago Record.
The French prisoner mounted the
g~uillotine. He had neryed himself
to the ordeal. 1t was not until the
dread knife descended that his coun-
tenanee fell. And then he lost his
head completely.
Willie-"Yes, I had quite a discus
sion with me barber, don't you know,
whether it was better to shave up or
down." Miss Gertrude-"I suppose in
your case the only possible course was
the latter."-Harlem Life.
At advanced education he tolls with q
will,
And the wondering neighbors draw near.
Both Latin and Greek he can read with
much skill,
But in English his spelling is queer.
Washington Star.
"'Tis very fortunate" remarked Mr..
| Grady, wisely, that hay be not as
hwy as coal" "For whoy, Pat?'
'Shure, a ton nv the shsf4 would
| weigh so much that q poor mar
| couldn't afford to kape a cow
Judge.
Newfoundland why wouldn't the
customer buy that tiger skin?" Of
fee Boyle said 1t wasn't genuine"
Newfoundland didn't you make II
appear plausible to him that 1t was
genuine?" Office Boy-"Why, OF
course. I c-an told him I shot the
tiger myself."-Fliegende Blaetter.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
Passing of h Horse.

So soon as nature sees ar improvement,
here is q change. The candle gave way to
eleetrictty. The spinning wheel to maahin-
sry, the horse to the automobile. The fact
hat Hostetter7s Stomach Bitters has been
toId for over half century. proves its value.
There Is nothing to equal 1t for stomach or
liver trouble. 1t is Natures own remedy,
md the only one to cure dyspepsia or weak
stomach.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
ai0a Rauard. m1ao.

The readers Of this paper will be pleased TO
lsaTn that there is at least one dreaded dis
III stages, and that is Catarrh. Halls Catarrh
Cure Is the only positive cure now known 10
10 medical fraternity. CAtarrh being q con.
sat4tisnal disease, requires q constitutional
treatment. Halls GASsrrh Cure Is taken inter
talIy, acting directly 1pon the blood and mu-
egua surfaces Of the system, thereby destroy
ins the Foundation of the disease, and giving
ne patient strength by building up the con-
s@taacn. end assisting nature in doing its
work. The proprietors nave 80 much faith in
5ts curative powers that they offer One Hun
ere4 Boilarsafor any case that 1t fails to cure.
Bend for list of testimonials. address
FL. CHENEY e Co. Toledo o.
Bold By Druggists, 75c.
HRNiR FamilY pills ara tho hAaE.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
cak rar1ro In Oregon.

There Is Q large cat farm" In Lin
.oln county, Oregon, and the residents
IN the vicinity have obtained the con-
pent of the postofics department ito
The christening Of their p~ostof1ce by
The name Of Angora. The first post
master Of Angora, singularly enough.
g Thomas Tom.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

The Nest Prescription for Chflfs
and Fever 10 q bottle of GROVES TAsTRLEea
Chill Toxic. Il ts simply iron and quinine Ia
q tasislsss ferm. No ura-n pay. krace ooc.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
Do Your Feet Ache and q ,rn2

Shake into your shoes Aliens Foot Ease, a
powder for the feet. 1t makes tight or New
6hoes feel easy. Cures Corns, Ingrowing
Nails, Itching, Swollen, Hot, Callous, Sore
Stores sell it, Csc. Sample sent FREE. Ad-
dress, ALLEN S. OLMsrED, Leroy, N. Y.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

From the way some people act, one would
think it wouldn't be safe for them TO &c to
deep for fear they would attempto turn over
and would roll or the earth,
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Recent floods in upper, central, and south
err Italy. which threatened the lin s of rail-
way, have brought to the attention of the
government the ne cessity of r%eplanting for
ests on the hillsides.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
Real Hardshipas

Dolly-What an awful, awful time
the pioneers must have had!" Polly
Yes. Just think, the poor thing
aidn't have chafng dishes!"
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

The largest sturgeon was caught recently
In the North Sea. IL weighed SIS pounds; but
the delight OF the fishermen was tempered
By the fact that it did $3.50 worth of damage
Nthe nets before it was killed.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

20 Cure u Cold I'm One Day.
Take LAXATIVE BRoNo QUIFINH TABLETS. All
@ru9gtass refund tho nanney IL it fails 20 cure.
W. GRovKas signature lie on each box. 26c.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Eacn package Of PUTNAM FApELEss DYE
eolors moro goods than any other dye and
eslors them better too. Sold by all
druggists.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Napoleon's Telescope Found.
According to the London Chronicle,
the telescope which Napoleon I used
No carry mas turned up in Turin.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
6eld by Druggists, 75c.
Ha'l's Family Pills are the best.

The Methodists have f1a missionaries in
1hIna, the PresbYterians 200. and the Amer
lIan Board of Commissioners for Foreign
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

When a preacher goes away on a vacation,
some good Old sister in his church remarks
that the devil never takes n rest.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

A Colonel in the British South African
army says that Adams Tutti Fruit was a
blessing to his men while marching,
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Filthy lucre" doesntmean gold. It means
bank bills after they have been in circulation
for d dozen years.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Goldthwaite & Son, Troy. Ala. wrote:
T~EETHIEA's speedy cure of sores and erup-
Tons upon the skin have been remarkable.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Asuperstitious individual says 1t is a bad
sign TO write another mans name on a
note.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

i Isn't the prodigal son who gets the fat.
va calf. Just look at the average ballet
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

When a baby cries without shedding any
tears it Is generally reasonably safe to spank
him,
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

TITS permanently cured. No fits or nervousness
sitsr fret days use old r. Kline's Great Nerve
heetorer. g trial bottle and treatise free Dr.. q.
y. KLIEEs Ltd, s3l Arch ST., Phila., Pa.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Mrs. inslow's Soothing Syrup for children
yeething, softens the gums, reducing infiama-
n0nsallays pain, cures wind collie, &c q bottle
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

The millionaire may ride In q Pullman car
ssefth; and the tramp may walk the track. In
ssct that's the only chance he has OF walk
III the eleepers.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Don't be too critical-with other people,
that is to say. You can't be too critical with
yourself.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Awoman may be sensitive a bout her age
family.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we ever used
for all affections of throat and lungs.-WM.
0. ENDsLRY, Vanburep. Ind, Feb. 10. 1850.
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
Lydia {. Pinkham.s Vegetable Compound

helps women preserve
sa0umdn0SS of form and
freshness of face be-
cause IL makes their eRs~
lire female organism
healthy II carries WO~
men safely through the
various natural crises
aRss is the safeguard OF
w0npamHS health
TIE truth about fhSS
great aasedJolro is told In
the letters from women
being published lie fAaSs
papes' CONSTANTLY
The Opelousas courier., 1900-09-29
Pale:
and


Beauty ana strength in
women vanish early in
life because of monthly
nak0 or some menstrual
hrregulas'ffys MaDy swf-
fes" silently ANA see EseEs'
besf glffs fade away
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22
ADDITIONAL LOCAL

AN INSPECTION CASE. Tn Jus tice Johnstone's court yesterday the jury decided that Butcher Tribolet must pay the cattle inspection fee which he had claimed was unjust and unlawful.
 ROOF FELL N As one of ths re- suits of the late rain a deserted adobe building at the corner of East Wash fng,on and Third streets fell down OH itself last evening. This will probably hasten it's removal to make room for some more prstentious structure.
 NEWSPAPER REMOVAL. - The Arizona Gazette will shortly move into the O'Neill building, occupying the frs, floor and the basement. fmmedi- ately northwest of the offices of w. J. Murphy. The work of preparing this location for the newspaper will begun within a day or two.
 DISORDERED TELEGRAPH.-Th Western Union has twenty-seven wires in California, but on account of the s,orm which prevailed north of the Te hachapi on Tuesday night, only one was working yesterday morning. Later in the day others were put in order. Early last night communication be- tween Phoenix and Los Angeles was broken by the storm, but at a late hour was opened by the round about way of Fl PasO.
 LOVED HIS FRATERNITY. MT. J. Johnson, who died in Tucson a few days ago, was an honored and consist cnt Odd Fellow and thought so much of the order that he bequeaithed to it his entire estate, dividing it between the fund of the grand lodge of this jur- isdiction for the building of an Odd Fellows home. and the Odd Fellows home at Gilroy, California. The Ari- Z0na'j jurisdiction now has several thOU- sand dollars in this fund and it is eX- pected that at an early day a tract of land will be bought and a home erected for sick and homeless Odd Fellows. The gift of MT. Johnson will be greatly appreciated and will help along a most worthy cause, though at the present time the amount of his estate has not been determined.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

Offices With modern conveniences on second floor of Porter building for rent. The Evans Loan and Investment Co.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22
MATTERS OF RECORD.

The following instruments reported by the Phoenix Title Guaranty and Alp etract company were filed in the office of the county recorder yesterday:
 Dr. G. H. Keefer to Mrs. Carrie B.. Keefer. deed to lots 3 and 4, block g., Porter and BaXter's addition; lots 3, 7, 9, Il. block l, Seger's addition, and lots 8, 9, Collins addition, Phoenix; con- sideration, $1.
 J. NJ. and Jeanie E. Evans to Anna Anderson, d5ed to lots 1. ?, s, 9, 10, Il, block S; lots f. 3. 9. 10, II, and east 15 feet of lot 13' lot 12, block 9; lots ,, G., g, block 15; lots l. 2,3. 1. ', s, g, 10. IL, 12. block IS; I|js l, 9 block p; lots l, 2, 3 6, :. s, 9, 10, block %; lots l, ?, 3, 4, ,, 6, :. s, 9, 70, Il. F, block 24; lots 3, f, block 9: lots 9, 10. II, 12, 13, II, 15. block 25; lots G. :, s, 9, 10. block 26; lots 6, [, 8. 9. 10, block 27; all block %, except part sold-all in Neahr's addition, Phoenix; also lots l, ?, I, ,, 6. T. block A; lots l, ?, 5, block B, Montgomery
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

F. w. Hockaday of Denver, a repre- sentative of the M. K. x T. railroad, registered at the Hotel Adams yester- day.
 pr. and Mrs. G. II. Keefer returned yesterday morning, after several months absence in the east and north. They are at the Commercial hotel.
 o. V. Lybrook and W. T. Smith came down Tuesday night from MT. Smiths mine at Morristown. MT. LybrOok is suffering severely from a recent fall, though able to be around.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22
PERSONAL MENTION.

Mrs. R. F.. Bowman of Santa Paula, Cal, is at the Hotel Adams
 Miss M. F.. Kinahan of Hoboken, N. J., is registered at the Ford hotel.
 S. Marston and wife of New York are among the guests of the Hotel Adams.
 Emery P. Gates and wife and Miss Ovilla B. Gates of san Fracisco, are guests of the Ford hotel
 Governor N. O. Murphy left Tuesday night for Los Angeles. He expects to return in two or three days.
 Among those registering at the Ford hotel yesterday were J. A. Gurd of London, Ont; T. E. Mountjoy, Denver; M. J. Gavin, Liberty, Md; J. Gamble Rogers, Chicago, and w. l.. Bell of Bradford, Pa.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

Even the sober railroad conducto can't get along without his punch.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22
TO CHICAGO AND RETURN.

The Maricopa & Phoenix railway, in connection with the Sunset Route, will make a rate of $64.2O Phoenix to Chi cago and return, account meeting of irrigation congress November 19 to 24. Tickets on sale November 15. good for thirty days from date of sale. For fur ther information call on or address
 M. O. BICKNELL, G. P. A.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22
Dr. Hubbard

and Bladder diseases. His pre-eminent sue cess is due to exceptional ability, long ex- perience and absolute reliability. His methods are always the latest and best. He treats scientifically Sexual Debility and Seminal Weakn ess, completely restoring their terrible undermining conditions. Spec ial and Private disorders with their poison Ous and destructive effects speedily and perm anently cured. No matter who has failed Dr. Hubbard will cure you if your case be curable. Cancers, Ulcers and External Growths positively removed without the knife or severe measures. Testimonials at office. Delay is dangerous. Do not wait until too late. If possible always be exam ined by an expert. Talk with him and judge yourself to his integrity and ability.
 ConsultatiOnFree. Hours, 10 to 12 1 to g. to :. Office and laboratory. 26-28 South Second
 Avenue, Hubbard Building, Phoenix, Arizona,
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22
LOCAL BBEVITIES.

Cards of thanks, notices pertaining to organizations and societies, church fairs or socials, will not be printed in The Republican except when paid for.
 FOR OVER FIFTY YEARS
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22
TURNER'S ROSES

Have proved to be the best, both in quality and variety, adapted to this climate. I am prepared to fill all orders the coming season at g 50 per dozen tsacked). For list of varieties address DAVE TURNER, Box III.
 Landscape gardening and other work at tenned to. Leave OIdc with Buxton & Co.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup has been used for children teething. It soothes the child. softens the gums, al lays all pain, cures wind collie and is the best remedy for diarrhoea. Twen- ty-five cents a bottle.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

Acker's English Remedy Will Stop a Cough at any time, anu will cure the worst cold in twelve hours, or money refunded. 25 cents and 50 cents. Ben L. Bear, wholesale and retail druggist, Phoenix, Arizona.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22
free benefit for the ladies.

We have arranged with Mrs. A. L. Buckley of Philadelphia to give abso lutely free of cost LESSONS IN Pyro- graphy or Poker Etchings on leather or wood, 10 a. m. until p. m., at our new furniture store. We are exhibit ing free the finest and largest collec- tion of art in Burnt Leather, including old Missions, Indian Heads, Animals, Dragons, old Monks, etc, ever seen in Phoenix. Come and see it. Illustra- ton in window of just how beautiful furniture, up-to-date, looks adorned with this new poker etching art work. Don't stop at window; come in and re- ceive free lessons.
 See exhibit inside store.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

addition. Phoenix; also all section Il, tp ? n, 3 e Qess 55 acres); considera-' ton, 5,00O
 F. M. and Lue F. McCann to J. S. Goweist ct al. deed to undivided Ii in terest in Little Favorite mine. Cave Creek district: consideration, $50.
 Hyrum B. Morris. Jr., to Tempe IT. rigation Canal company, deed to nwA, nwA, sec 16. tp 1 Il, r GAO acres); consid5 ration, $19.
 A. F. Pomeroy and wife to A. K. Crawford. deed to undivided half inter esI1 in lot II. block 72, Phoenix; consid- eTatfon, $1O
 Buckeye Canal Land company to George W. Marsan, deed to water rights Nos. g. 53. 54. 55, Buckeye canal; consideration, $4SO.
 United States to Alfred M. Frederick. deed 10 s1a, nW14. and n1a, sw14, sec 9 tp l s, r f w.
 Manuela Sotelo to Peter Doll. deed to parIt nwA QS1 z26O feet), sec g, tp n. Q; consideration, $65.
 Matilda M. Stanley to Della Kilpat- rick deed to undivided one-half inter- esit in seA, neA. sec 3, tp 1 n, r e; consideration. S1.
 Esther L. Green and husband to Frank S. Davis, deed to lots ? and A. block r, Irvine addition, Phoenix; con- sfderaton, $10O
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

Professor 1T. Cresswell Shaw, teacher of piano, violin, etc. Apply Jenkins Music Store.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

The Chicago Store has received it stock of fall goods and ladies are in vited to call and see them.
Arizona republican., 1900-11-22

IS an acknowled ged leading Specialist in
 c h ron ic, Nervous, Kidney. UrinarY
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1900-04-11

and they will repeat it millions of times
within the year from its deliverance unless
we perform what the President says is our
plain duty The people believe that this is
a question, not Of mere policy, but Of princi-
pie.
1--WE levy this tribute upon people who
are in the direst poverty and distress, re-
shifting in large part from our very action
in taking possession of their island and de-
stroying the existing markets of their pro-
ducts and opening no other, and to this is
added, by the hand OF the Almighty, the
terrible destruction of the tornado, 80 that
they are now in the extreme Of poverty and
restitution, bordering on starvation.
''If this bill becomes a law, 1t will stand
greatly in the way of the development OF
that little island. 1t leaves the future in
uncertainty; for if we levy tax of 10 per
cent the next Congress may levy tax OF
80 per cent II we adopt free trade it will
be accepted by everybody as a definite poll
cy toward Porto Rico. Business interests
will know what to depend upon, and capt.
tai and enterprise will 60 there, and soon
change the deplorable conditions now exist
ing. Uncertainty will paralyze industry.
1.-THE Constitution may or may not follow
the flag, but the good faith OF the American
people must stand unquestioned wherever
the stars and stripes are seen. There is no
way to successfully govern or deal with
people who are in our power, or are inferior
to us in advantages and opportunity, except
to be strictly just and to keep perfect good
faith with them.
1.-THE plea of harmony in the party sp.
peals to me strongly. But this is question
other than party or policy. 1t is question
of principle, and it is better that even a
small minority of the party should be right
than that we should all be wrong. 1t is Of
vital consequence, Mr.. President, that this,
our first important stepin legislation for our
new possessions, should be such as to com.
mend itself to the Judgment and conscience
OF the American people,"
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1900-04-11
The Spring Elections,

The recent spring municipal cleo
tions show an almost unbroken line of
Republican victories. Even Lincoln,
Nebraska, has no encouragement for
the prophet of the allied forces of
Democracy and Populism.
These victories come at time of al
legged intense disaffection over the ad-
ministration's Porto Rican policy, when
the partisan cutlery against anti-inper-
ialism is at its highest pitch, and when
the denunciation of Republicanism on
the charge of favoring trusts is most Sc.
we're. In the very sections of the coun-
try where discomfort and disaffection
with Republican policies were said to
exist with peculiar intensity Republi-
can victories or gains are reported. In
Cincinnati the Republican candidate
for mayor was elected over his fusion
opponent; in Illinois there were Re-
publican gains, even in Chicago, where
the overturning resulted in the election
of forty-three Republican councilmen
as against twenty-seven Democrats.
In Helena, Mont, naturally Demo-
cratic city, the entire Republican tick
ct was elected by the largest majority
ever given to local candidates there. 1t
is believed that Montana can be safely
counted for the Republicans in the
election next fall. The party made
gains in Nebraska, South Omaha elect
ing Republican mayor by 500 major
ity. There were Republican gains in
Kansas, too, but Democratic recruits
are reported in the returns from Michi
gan, which are said to come from the
Dutch Gas a protest against the stand
the administration has taken regarding
the Boer war;" On the whole, how
ever, the spring skies are bright will
the dawning light of goodly victor,
in November.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1900-04-11
QUEENS WEATHER.

DUBLIN, April 4.-Queen Victoria
set foot on Irish soil to-day for the first
time in nearly forty years. Real
Queens weather" prevailed. Yester-
days rain and fog, which caused so
much anxiety, having blown away.
The royal yacht went alongside Vic
toria wharf at Kingston at 8: 30 and
preparations were at once begun for
landing. Her Majesty came ashore a
half hour later amid the Thunder of
salutes from warships and shore bat
teries and the cheers of thousands on
the quays.
The Queen was received by the Lord
Lieutenant of Ireland, Earl Cadogan,
the Duke of Connaught, commander of
the forces in Ireland, Lord Mayor Tai
Ion, of Dublin and other notables. All
the officials were in their dress and robes
of state. A huge reception on the pier
followed at which theIcity commissioner
presented the Queen an address of
welcome. Replying to this Her Maj
sety wished Gods blessing to Ireland.
The royal party then started for Dub
lin, the entire route being thronged
and decorated.
The Queen drove ten miles to Dub
lin in carriage drawn by four horses
with outriders, escorted by the Life
Guards. She arrived at Lesson street
bridge early in the afternoon where
the ceremony of presentation Kris
city occurred. Replying, the Queen
said:
81 have come to this fair country to
seek change and rest. 1 am deeply
gratified to be able to revisit the moth
erland of those brave sons who have
borne themselves in defense of my
crown and empire with cheerful valor,
as conspicuous now as ever in the glori-
GUS past" The fine weather Of the
morning was broken by shower in
the afternoon but not severe enough to
mar the festivities.