The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-07-25
FROM THE FIRST WARD.

Some men are unable to understand
why they can't understand things.
Some people put on SO many airs
that their associates invariably catch
cold.
The ice man is getting in his work
now, aud We will hear from the coal
man later on.
A truly polite man always listens
with interest to the story he has heard
dozen times.
The Lambertyille Rubber Company
has now its own electric plant in
operation. The capacity of the engine
is 80 horse power and the dynamo is
regulated for ahout 500 lights. The
engine and dynamo are very compact
affairs and take up but small space.
The room is to be fitted up in first class
order with panelled ceiling and yellow
pine finish.
We should all he very careful and
not let our pugalistic feelings get the
better of our reflections. | one time
struck man who had taken the tenn
perance pledge, and he fell into an
open saloon door and broke his brand
new pledge on the bar, and then de-
elared would never strike man who
was loaded down with pledges, II
doesn't take much of tumble to break
pledge. They are generally made of
very brittle material and stuffed with
wind.
Thomas Crowley and family have
arrived home from Atlantic City. where
they had been spending couple of
weeks.
People do not seem so enthusiastic
over their wheels as they were wear
ago or two, and they are ridden now
more for business purposes than for
pleasure.
l have always found a great deal of
comfort and pleasure besides scientific
instruction and astronomical wisdom
IN studying the heavenly bodies and
astral phenomenon, and last Winter |
bought large telescope at II public
sale, along with two old bedsteads a
cider barrel, a jack plain, two Joints of
stove pipe and COW chain. The old
farmer never knew the real value of the
instrument. A relative connected with
the government observatory had sent
1t to him when the government put in
new instrument, and the old fellow
thought IT was specimen of patent
stove pipe and laid it away in the gar
ret, where IT lay in the dust until after
the old mans funeral, when the adj
brought it down and sold
1t at the vendue with all the other
trash mentioned above. The very
minute this valuable instrument was
knocked off to me, | was seized with
an inspiration to become n sky gazer,
an astrologer and horoscope seer.
set up during the entire length of the
first night after the vendue and toasted
my eyes on the zodiac and the moon
and the milky way. thought nj first
had made great discovery. aimed
my glass nj the moon and was snrpris-
ed to see the man up there suddenly
take ON the features of dog face man.
and WAS Just about 10 take out my note
book and pencil when felt the instrn-
ment sort of lettering and bobhing up
and down, and ON looking nj the sky
light end, saw my dog sitting straddIe
OF 1t and trying to look down through
the big end Tine. suppose he thought
my eye at the far off end was n peeled
onion or tnrnip. After this, began
to read the stars and examine their
orbit. Jewpeter Is an immense bulk
of foreign substance, dipped in silver
liquid He carries no dead heads, and
members of the Legislature, judges and
ministers are obliged to pay full rates
Jewpeter is II cooperative body and
need not resort To bribery or granting
special favors He in not in the ready
made clothing business, rs has been
printed by the reporters of yellow
journalism. He is one of the star act ors
in the zodiacal waltz, whose stage name
Is ''Jovis Pnter. Mars il in the shed of
good torture, selling perihelions at 10
cents yard. Asteroids are on the
market Mt 10 and 10 cents bushe.
Neptune has gone i'll search of the
North Pole, and won be back before
lO4 years has reeled around, while
Uranus is going around in his evening
dress, selling the Pilgrims Progress
and taking subscriptions for an ofici
map of the South African Republic.