Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-06-05

nal. He had done farm work up III
northern ArOOstOok.
The other motorman was instTucting
him.
If fire alarm rings in said the old
hand, remember that the department.
the fire engine and the rest have the
right of way. Hold right up and let 'ein
pass. If you don they'll run you down.
The second day an alarm Of fire was
rung in The car was near cross street
where the department must pass.
Hold UP" said the instructor.
Over the electric track tore the hose
teams. then the fire engine spouting
fame and smoke. The new hand cast a
look UP the street and then spun his CON
troler lever. The car started
You internal fool, what are YOU do
inc?' howled the old hand He jumped
and the new man jumped and the hook
and ladder truck tore the front platform
off the car and disappeared in Il cloud OF
dust and with its men yelling like fiends.
why didn't you waltz howled the
Instructor.
Pa gar" replied his pupil. white and
gaspIg, Il no t'ink we have to bodder
for dat sacre dam gang O drunk house
painters.'
Synnex-"You profess to be Il devoted
believer in Christian Science: but | no
tic'd that when you had tooth extract
cd the other day YOU took gas
Mentoi-''I took the gas, not because
there Is such q thing as pain, but frcm
fear that | might be led into thinking
that there was in the excitement Of the
moment. Boston Transcript
Rev. Cassius NJ Roberts is one of the
wittieS- end jolliest Of divipes in Kansas,
4 man who believes that smiling is IA part
OF a Christian duty and who persists in
looking at the bright side of things.
Needless to say he relishes Joke, even
stud ed law and was admitted to the
Ross county bar and practiced for many
years. Ii was on a recent visit there he
fell in with number of his former COM
rades, and naturally they fell to talking
over old times. "Cassius." one OF them
asked at last. how did YOU ever come TO
give up the law and enter the III nistry?
We'll. boys he answered, his eyes
twinkling. III tel you. You know J
was mighty poor lawyer and had hard
work TO get a ong. | s,Cod It for Il good
man. years and finally came to the con
clus on that ii was a good deal easier to
preach than to practice.
L couldn't hear him. is a bit of West
crn slang that has recently drlfted East,
bat not sui emily SO to take root yet,
says The New York Sun. The expression
is used when it's a case of dealing with
an impractical or unwelcome proposition.
1t is kind of buo.a more hgurauve
development Of the non slang phrases i
wouldn't Listen to him." or Il wouldn't
hear TO it." "Fitz wants me to give UP
my ranch and join him i'll running, mis-.
an Eas erner now i'll Texas wrote home,
but / couldn't hear him..
Il see. my dear. that Earl de IN War;,
who was said TO have been captured by
the Beers, contrived TO escape. The dis
patch says he lay all night with
wounded leg behind an ant heap
What leg was it. Wi!liam?'
Heavens. Next you'll be asking
whose ant it was"'-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
An American refugee from the Trans
vaal tells this story OF Il school exhibition
in Johannesburg shortly after the out
break of the war. For his benefit this
pointed lesson was recited:
"Piet.' said the master, 'conjugate for
the stranger / have a gold mine
II have 4 gold mine" responded the
bright pupil, with scarcely an accent.
Thou hast a gold thine, he has a gold
hisen. we have u gold ourn. you have Il
gold yourn. they have gold theirn. =
Golfers Weekly.
Old Gentleman rigid teetotaler)-'I
thought | told you to write to Mr.. Brown
and tell him | was laid up with rheuma-
tism ~
Factotum-"Y sir"
Old Gent-"Then what d'you mean by
telling him | was laid up with gout?'
FactOtum-'Well, sir. to tell the truth
sir, it was Il more convenient word, sirn'
Punch.
":o:--
At the honOring of Col. Macdonald in
Glasgow university an old woman in
quired of another, What a steer was
aboot?' ''Oh, they're making Col Mac
donald an LID whats Col. Mac
dOnald?' "Oh. he's famous soldier
They didna max SIGH a fuss about ocr
Jack when he wis made an LID" "Ok.
is your son an LID. ~ AYE. the sodger
vim. He weers it on his hat. He's wi
the lectric lightin' Department.
gov Evening Times.
Big fire down Oh the street" said the
sub-editCr Oh the thirty-ninth floor of the
new office building, How do you know"
asked the chief. Just got special dis
patch from our staff correspondent on
the first floor. "-Phladelphia North
American.
A woman's club in New York has come
to sort Of deadlock by reason of the
addiction of its d rectors to the black
bail habit" IF YOU blackball my friend
Iii blackball yours. That's ALL Such
is the paralyzing formula. An unsympa-