The Washington weekly post., 1900-12-25
ARIZONA klcklETS.

Mrs. John AgneW WisneS Us 10 coiIcSl
the statement that her husband was
drunk when killed by bear on North
Creek the other day. We do so with great
cheerfulness. He had an empty quart
bottle beside him, and was evidently lying
down when attacked, but We never lie;
trifies stand in our way in rendering an
apology.
An anonymous letter informs us that
for a Christmas present we will receive q
$40 coffin and a new-made grave. The
writer OF the letter seems to be a man
who does not love US, but IL his presents
arrive they will be taken in and duly ad-
mired and appreciated.
Our little affair with Col Hope the 9TH
er day has been greatly magnified by our
malicious contemporary. The colonel came
to our Office TO borrow S. AS he already
owed us $50 borrowed money, we declined
to lend him any more, and in order 10 get
rid of him, We had TO throw him through
a window. There was no shooting, no
excitement, no hard feelings. We just
pitched him out. and that was all.
Six OF our Texas subscribers stopped
their Kicker last week because we re-
fused to pitch into Mexico and get up a
war. 1t is our aim to please our sub
scribers as far as possible. but we can't
go too far in ii. We have nothing in par
ticular against Mexico and must decline
to pick a fuss.
An item in our columns last week stat
ed that Mrs. Gen. Deyo, OF this gulch
was formerly ballet girl in the East
The Idea was to increase her social pres
tige here at home; but as she and her
husband have filed vigorous objections,
We make our humble apology and trust
that she was leading lady instead of a
ballet girl.
Joe Crowley. OF the Royal Poker Rooms
was idiot enough to put up a mirror 20
feet long and feet wide behind his bar
the other day. II had not been In place,
twenty minutes before half a dozen men
were shooting at their reflected mugs,
and Joe was $l5o out OF pocket. Giveadam
Gulch is feeling the tremble of civiliza-
ton. but 1t will be ten years before bar
mirrors will be safe from bullets.
We have the names of at least three
critters in this town who are hankering
for our job as postmaster and are wait
Ing to see US bounced. We are in love
with the job and intend to hold on 10 Il,
and II there is anybody In this territory
who can beat US at pulling wires and
mending fences, We will doff our hat TO
him when be has Us on our back.
We made holy show Of ourseif on
Apache avenue the other day when a
stranger got the drop on us and held a
revolver to our ear. Yes; we kneIt down
as he commanded, and we repeated the
apology he so kindly worded for US. and
we expect to lose fifty subscribers by n
However We had rather be a i've editor
than a dead idiot. When a man who
means shoot gets the drop on us. we are
his mutton for the time being. and don't
propose being laid away in our own grave
yard.
Mr. J. B. Williams. our esteemed fellow
townsman, is about to remove to Santa
Fe, n. NJ, to open palace of poker and
drinks. We have found him a square man
on tie deal, and connoisseur on drinks.
and we wish him all prosperity in the new
neld to which he is going He is something
OF liar, and knows very little about a
gun, but these are faults which can be
overlooked In almost any community.
We understand that LAWYER Moss Is
telling different parties around town that
we threatened his life last Monday. What
we did do was to visit his Office and hold
a gun on his chin and warn him not To
poster US with any more libel suits. but
no threats were made. Indeed, he cayed
so quickly that no threats were necessary.
We have nothing against Lawyer Moss
and hope he may live for a hundred years
yet.
The editor OF the Lone Jack Banner
calls US lar in his last issue. ard inti.
mates that we don't care to meet him
race to face. We shall be in Lone Jack
Monday afternoon. and IL the editor of
the Banner doesn't take TO the woods
half an hour before our arrival, ana re-
main shivering among the bushes until
We leave, We will pay over 500 10 anv
charity ne may name. He's a squirt-gun
man. and we've let him live on lust 10
bother the flies,