The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-09-08
AN ADVERTISERS SCOOP. ;

on Waikiki and cannot come up int
low water. Ii says Jos Hartman O
the Cosmopolitan saloon and j. II
Collinson, his companion, are liars ant
fakirs when they say to the contrary
Both OF these gentlemen are abund
antly able to take care Of themselve:
and their standing in the community
will not be injured by anything the
devils partners" organ may say Of
them. Neither Mr.. Hartman nor Mr.
Collinson is interested in how the
shark got on the Waikiki beach, "bui
the monster was there" say both. The
Advertiser is moved only by envy and
pique in this matter, of course. 1t was
scooped on good story and still feels
sore
The Republican reader who wants a
/ good clear-cut fake story ought to read
the one We today reproduce from the
Advertiser Of June % of this year. It
records "a fight to the death by sea
denizens," battle between a monster
eel and shark. It's beauty, with the
brand Of the favorite Waikiki beach
! whisky blown in along it's entire
length: otherwise it would not be gen.
uine. This terrible fight took place in
''shoal water" and the commotion
caused flsherman's boat to rock IN
pleasantly" from which It is inferred
that the boat was nGt sAosled. The
great conger eel wound itself about the
shark, as boa constructor might about
bull, and squeezed the life out of 1t.
That nearly accomplished, the Adver-
tiser assures its readers that the Eel
dignifledly unwound itself: unwound
slowly. 1t says, to make the matter dra-
matte. Why that fool eel took any
chances and Slowly unwound himself
from the body OF his fsst-expiring an
tagonist" before death really inter
vened isn't explained. and probably
isn't essential to the symmetry of the
fairy tale. anyway.
The cells troubles and the fun wasn't
yet ended, however The fishermen
were tempted to secure the conger for
food. With thirty-foot spear they
LANDED half pound OF iron and sever
al inches Of seasoned wooden shaft"
right into the vitals" of the eel. But
the vitals continued to vite. as 1t were.
and the eel took this monkeying with
his internal affairs as an insult-a gage
to battle. II the Advertiser story is to
be believed, that eel, instead of meek
ly lying down and decently dying.
jumped full ten feet into the air"
slid down that thirty-foot spear. with
that iron dart still in his "vitals." and
landed in the canoe with the fishermen.
Then came the tug Of war. That eel
attacked those venturesome fishermen:
attacked them viciously. Time and
time again did his bristling jaws close
with fearsome sap" (the jaws of the |
eel, not of the shark, as with eyes
flashing angrily and name erect" he
rushed for the goal-the fishermen's |
legs and arms-the meanwhile, accord
ing to the veracious chronicler Of the /
Advertisers story, looking the incar-
nation Of all that is evil and unIoye-
W
Just as things were getting pretty
binding for the two native fishermen
n the canoe eountryman, seeming
he battle from affair."" character Of
'dor left in doubt. armed with "a meat
Ike. came to the rescue That tel
vas cut in two, so the Advertiser AYERS,
md the Advertiser-oh, well, you know
he Advertiser.
That eel, when sewed together, meas
lred twenty-seven feet in length and
q circumference was as large as
feil. Sonny Cuhna's thigh An au-
opsy developed that the eel had break
asted lightly on "a small tin OF opium,
ONE shellfish and the partly digested
emains Of large cat" the color Of cat
Unfortunately not being given.
1t is matter OF some regret that the
ltimate fate Of the monster shark, at :
lst accounted as rapidly expiring .
/ the shoal waters" was not given
. seems too bad to have that poor
drop out of this Wild and
eird story, while his antagonists ]
firm gray flesh" is being broiled for
lie tickling OF the palates of its three
atiye captors- The presumption Is
lat the timely knight armed with the (
Re shared in the capture. that is. II be
as fond Of eels-large cells
This Advertiser story must be true.
course 1t could not possibly have |
.en fake, fairy tale. II could not
i've been produced by the Macfariane
and Of bourbon. nor probably by The
ntents Of that can of opium The
iyertiser never dreans-nor lies. 1t
~ so itself and il must therefore be
ne.
Il does seem. however. as though II 5
q good deal Of nerve for . paper r