The daily morning journal and courier., 1900-11-12
BE UMPIRE WAS CROSSEYED
so THERE WAS TROUBLE GA-
 LORE.
They Had to Rum to Third Base In-
 stead of First.

sacou OA
 Well, sir, I went to a professional
 baseball game the other day" The fat
 ex-mascot of the Lightfoot Lilies said this in faraway tone that gave his
 friends the impression that he had not thoroughly enjoyed himself.
 And you didn't like it?" suggested
 one of them.
 "Oh, yes," the fat exmascot replied
 hastily. Tt was an exciting game, all | right; it was one of the closest contests
 I've seen. Why, they had to play four extra rounds, and at that it ended in a
 draw. The referee-the umpire, l mean l -called the contest on account of foul Some one threw the catchers l mask at him and 1t struck below the belt. Oh, yes, 1t was a good game all 1 right. Somehow, though, it seemed diff | ferent from the old Jones county games.
 I suppose it's political enlightenment | that's doing 1t. In those days we poor l farmers didn't realize that we were | free people, more shame to us. Why, what earthly business has one pompous guy, calling himself umpire, to get up | and dictate to eighteen free-born Amer | iQan ball spielers? What right has he | to decree that a mans out when that | man doesn't think that he is? If 1t | isn't the rankest kind of government without the consent of the governed, why, then, gentlemen, I'll eat my shirt waist. Do you know, it fairly makes me boil with indignation to think of the way we poor rustics hustled on and off 1 bases at the beck and call of one lone | tyrant. Why, we were so pitifully ig- norant of our constitutional rights as free Americans that l don't think one of us ever even questioned the fairness of--hold on, though Yes, there was just one time that I'd almost forgotten about.
 Tt was at one of the big champion ship contests between the Ringtail Roarers and the Llghtfoot Lilies. Old
 Doc Quackenbush had been slated to
 do the officiating, but at the last mo- ment he received a hurry call from out in the country-tWinS or scarlet fever, | don't remember-and there we were
 without an umpire. And in those days you know, we weren't next to these
 modern referendum and rough-house
 arbitration stunts The umpire was considered necessary evil to every ball game So after long discussion Captain Slugger Burrows of the Lilies and Captain Cy Priest of the Roarers agreed to pick some one from the crowd that could fill the place.
 They were walking up and down in front of the bleachers looking the gang over, when the Slugger's face suddenly lit up.
 Hey he said, grasping Cy by the
 stNa trr,I gazabo up in the top row2 Well, I choose him.
 "His peppers look as if they had been crossed in love, but if he suits you, why I'm game. Hello, you with the tangled lamps' he shouted will you umplre?
 Sure replied the little fellow, eag- erly, and he scrambled down on to the field.
 "Slugger Burrows won the toss and chose puts. The little cross-eyed um- | pire picked out a mask and took his place behind the catcher-Bull Thomp | son always caught off the bat, whether | there were men on base or not. The | first men up for the Roarers knocked | low one to third, and Foote scooped 1t | in without leaving the bag. It looked a | little like pickup, to be sure, but the | umpire said 'Outl' and no one had the face to kick. The next man singled to left.
 "'Out for running out of base line piped up the umpire.
 "'Whatp Cy Priest roared, Why that man ran straight as diel Do you-'
 "'Out,' repeated the little umpire, with a wave of his hand, and that set tied it. Cy sunb back to the bench and picked out bat, As he stepped to the plate I noticed a cunning twin lxle in his eye, but thought nothing of 1t at the time. He tapped the first ball pitched for an easy little grounder town toward short. The Slugger gob- bled 1t in and shot 1t over to first for m easy out. The crowd was just get ing ready to let loose when to their Cy started down the third oase line like scared Filipino.
 Safe the umpire said, as Cy made hird without any opposition.
 'Safe?' beloved Bull Thompson, throwing his mask on the ground and urning on the umpire fercely. Safe? Why, you gol durned sawed-off little
 
 ,ase is. anyway? I've got half mind O. But he didn't. The umpire made ,ne rush at him, and catching him ound the legs stood him on his head s neatly as you please. That little unt shook the Bull until he was red in :. he face. and then setting him down :. proceeded to gather up the change that ,, ad fallen out of his pockets. " Five, ten twenty-fve,' he counted. Twenty-Five, fifty, fifty-one, two, three ', Is that all the money ou've got? Well, then, you're fined fty-three cents for abusive language. low get off the grounds. Hustle.' t md the Bull scrambled to his feet ,ithout a murmur and hustled. :, Now when Slugger Burrows picked ' nat umpire out he thought he was a Y fly fox, never dreaming that Cy Priest + 'ould get willy too. You see the little , llow was so cross-eyed that when he ', -ood behind the bat, instead of seeing - rst with his right peeper, he saw it |, ith his left, which should have been II med down toward third And his left % oker, instead of having third base |, raight ahead, was crossed over on to 4, st base. Consequently he saw the u hole diamond exactly reversed, and w ats what caused his queer decisions ''