The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-12-17
STORIES OF THE STREET.

s STORIES OF THE STREET. /,
He thought loved her. but it was
only puppy love- 1t served her purposes,
however, for she Kept him walking a
chalk line to perfection as long as it
lasted Did she want to go to the opera?
Ii SO, Johnny must Immediately get IN
terested. Did she love dogs? If so,
Johnny must adore them
She was the thinker; he the one upon
whom her thinks" were impressed.
Well, 1t so happened that this charm
ing little bunch OF magnetism wanted to
go to ball to be gwen by one of the
athletic clubs of the city Johnny-that
! isn't his name, but it cuts no figure
suddenly took a notion to go himself; IN
TACT, ne became SO Interested that he got
himself put on the committee of arrange
ments and worked ever so hard.
On the afternoon before the evening
when the ball was to come off he deco
rated the hall, helped wax the floor,
clean the windows. etc. At o'clock he
said to himself:
I'm now take a glass of port wine, go
nome and get my supper, fix up and get
the girl
There was a small keg next to his
hand. The only thing he could find was
large cup. He turned on the wine. but
before he could close it again the Gun
After eating supper he went up stairs to
dress.
That was the last of little johnny. He
wasn't used to port wine, and had lain
down to get over the dizziness when Nor
pheus overeame him. The court house
tower struck Il when he awobe, and it
was too late in the night to so to the
ball.
! In the morning he sent the young lady
an apologetie letter, saying that he was
deathly sick but strange to say, he for
got to mention what made him sick
They don't speak now, and he doesn't
| care.
A new benedict is like the man in the
moon He is apart from the rest of the
world, scars in the clouds, shakes hands
! with himself and herself, her IDEAL i'm
I aginary self, and ali this and that until
until he ceases to be a new benedict.
When that time has arrived, his 'fn-
nards are soured up to a stage where
! ne can no longer see things on an in
ciined plane, and the world seems To
hump itself along at the regulation gait
/ fixed by astronomers.
There was a benedict in ST. Paul with
his wife not so very long ago. They
came from Minneapolis. They registered
| at the Windsor hotel as "W E. Marks
! and Wife, but the name on the register
! was wrong. He knew it and she knew it.
and four men from Minneapolis knew it,
out the benedict and his lovey-dovey
wife did not know that they knew it.
! Well something happened. The four
| dear, kind, good friends of Mr. Marks
secured rc1ns next to that occupied by
| himself and his half SO much" When
| the shades of eve had fallen and the
| couple had gone to peaceful rest they
We're startled by a knock on their door.
Mr. Marks Oh, Mr.. Marks! Can we
see you Mr.. Marks?'
A whispered consultation inside. but no
answer. Mr. Marks had evidently made
up his mind to make sphinx out of
himself
20! 0! o! Mr.. Marks! 1 say you, Mr.
Marks! Can We see You minute?"
Nothing but silence followed so the
unWelcome visitors wrote notes and stuck
them under the door. They said:
How are you, Mr.. MaFks?'' or "Con-
gratulations. Mr.. Marks;'' or. s'WilI Won
let us see you in the morning, Mr..
Marks 2" and the like. That kind of work
couldn't be kept up all night. It wasn't
/ In the nature of things
| The men sat up all night. drank a great
deal. Just about enough to make Mime
| apolIs feel good, and talked about what
they would do in the morning
Dawn came and with it Mr.. Marks and
WlIe. They were going to give their
| solicitous friends the Slip but thew had
! not been watching the stairway like
! hawks for nothing. They swooped into
/ the shrinking presence of their victims
! with vengeance and showered con-
| gratuiatiens promiseuousIy
OF course the benedict had to pay the
hotel bills and buy the. drinks and. above
! all, grin geodnaturedly while doing it.
| He couldn't help himself
When the four left the two one OF
the former called Mr.. Marks aside and
said:
I'VE are always delighted to see any
of our old friends meet with. good for
tune, and ff-er-there are ever any more
Marks you can depend upon our hearty
congratulate TONS
The recent unsuccessful attempts at
suicide which have stirred the commune
! 1ty bring to mind an incident in that
line which occurred some time ago.
In one of the large office BUILDINGS
OF the city there is janitor named
| Fritz, who, on state occasions. sees how
near he can come to drinking all the
beer in town. Like many others who
lmbibe, Fritz becomes very remorsefuI
as the bad effects of his indulgence wear
| OH, so remorseful, in fact, that he feels
| that life is mere bubble and if world
| be pleasant to become an angel.
I A drug clerk IN the same building who
knew OF FFitz's dependency, decided to
| give him the leng-wished-for opportunity
10 HE hImSelf on to another world and
! StraightWay prepared mixture of salt
| and sugar to be presented to Fritz on his
return from the next periodical"
The janitor returned more respondent
| than ever. The engineer was chosen as
the man to deliver the deadly poison. He
! went to Fritz and in heart-brea king
tones expostulated with him for his fall
told him about the poison, and ended
by saying in sepulchral tone:
| Fritz will VoII fax
The answer came, in a voice subdued
but determined, like that of the bride
groom. saying: ST will"
Fritz stood for moment, reflected on
! his long and checkered career, his boy
| hood days, and wasted opportunities His
/ features became set, determined light
| shone in his eye, and with a gulp he
swalloped the dope.
He turned deadly pale The engineer
1 seized him and in an entreating voice
cried out: For Gods sake, man, run!
| Run for your life. You must not die
! herei"
| The dying man looked bewiidered for a
| moment, and then, with a bound, he
| dashed into the street Along the streets
| he ran at a maddening pace, knocking
! down street signs, jostling pedestrians
ignoring all that interfered with his
/ fight. His mind was now burning
| with the one thought:
81 must not die on the street.
! He soon reached his home, which is
on the West side, hurried into bed and
| became deathly sick For three Gays
he lay at deaths door to all appear
| ances. On the fifth he returned to his
/ work, and sought out his old friend, the
! engineer On seeing him he looked
| ashamed, as though ne had failed In do
| ing his duty, but approaching him, re-
| marked.