Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1900-12-07
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9

Papa, what Is the vain pomp and
glory of this world?" my son, it's
the things we preach against when we
don't succeed in getting m."-Life.
To Hide 1t: Hewitt-What are you
raising whiskers for? Jewett-Wel,
I don't mind telling you that 1 am
wearing a necktie my wife gave me-
Bazaar.
I've got the best of the ould rail-
way company for once in me loife."
How is that, Pat?" "I've got return
ticket to London, and" Qn whisper)
.! amt coming back" k."-Tit-Bits.
His liberal policy: 81 believe in TAX
Ing some things for granted" "Yes;
when you lent me the novel you said
was so delightful, l noticed the leaves
were not cut."-Chicago Record.
MY parents may come between u.s."
she faltered. IF they do" he exclaim-
ed, hotly, they must be pretty small"
And he pressed her still closer to his
manly Observation-Disclosures Record.
His uncalled-for apology: He-You
told youremother l was sorry for hav-
Ing made an idiot of myself at her din
ner-party last night-what did she say?
She-Oh, she said she noticed nothing
unusual, George!-Tit-Bits
SO poor old Nj. Clubiie is dead
"Yes. But he died happy" rs that
SOP "Yes. Almost his last words
were that at last he was going to a
place where golf wouldn't be the only
burning question. ."-Harper's Monthly.
Recognized Him: Mrs. Casey (read-
Ing war news)-Wan soljer wor NOR
thai wounded, and his lasht words wor
Gimme whisky" Mrs. Dolan (whose
husband Is at the front)-Hivln hilp me
fatherless children; thot wor Pat
Bazaar.
you say you were in three wars?"
asked the judge of the colored prisoner.
dat what l said, jedge." "Name
them" "Well sub, wuz cook fo' de
sojers in de war wild de Spaniels, en-
den bin married TO- times. Atlanta
Constitution.
First Parrot-Say, that girl has been
TO England since she was here. Sec
ond Parrot-What makes you think so?
First Parrot-Why, she used to say:
Polly. want a cracker" and now she
says: Polly, want a biscuit Indian
apolis Journal.
Johnnys current history: The teach
er asked the scholars to write SEN
tence in which the word "chaste" was
used. Johnny Wise, who keeps posted
on current events, wrote: "Agunaldo
is the most chaste man there is."-Bal-
timore American.
Opportunity provided: "It's no won
der those japanese troops cover them
selves with glory" what do you
mean" "Why, the other foreign
commanders are polite enough to let
them do all the dangerous work.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Sallle de Witt-That's Mrs. Allie Mo-
neigh. She has been married and. di-
vorced five times. Noel Little-How
remarkable for one so young In appear
ance! Her matrimonial reigns must
have been very short. Sallie de Witt
Mere showers! brooklyn Life.
No money In it: This comes from
making love to the daughter of gen.
ius." "What is the trouble, Tom?"
why, her father has just invented a
parlor-clock that sounds an alarm at 10
o'clock, turns out the gas and opens
the front door by wire spring.
cago News.
Jackson-See here, Jimson. that con-
founded dog of yours kept up contln-
ual howl under my window till o'clock
this morning. Jimson (hrmly)-It
wasn't my dog, sir. Jackson-I'm glad
to hear that old man, because | hated
to ask you to bury the body; to whom
did you sell him life.
A Slim Excuse-A Connecticut girl
fell from her bicycle and hurt her knee.
When they examined the injury in the
drug store they found she had on three
pairs of stockings-golf, plain white,
and the everyday sort. No doubt her
excuse for wearing all that hosiery was
a thin one.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Gratitude: Young Lady-Glve me
one yard of-why, haven't seen you
before? Dry-Goods Clerk-Oh, Maud,
can you have forgotten me? | saved
your life at the seaside last summer.
Young Lady (warmly)-Why, of course
you did! You may give me two yards Of
this ribbon, please.-Boston Journal.
Didn't Follow Directions: Indignant
patron-You advertise to cure consump-
tion, don't you? DR.. Quack-Yes, sir;
I never fail when my instructions are
followed. Indignant Patron--My son
took your medicine for year and then
died. DR.. Quack-My instructions