The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-02-17
Poking Fun at the Style of War
Correspondents.
THE FRIGHTFUL BATTLE OF BELMONT
A Thrilling Story of valor by
the Daily Fake.

MIR. Joseph Smith, witty member
OF the Amcrican-Irisl Historical So
clcty, residing in Lowell, Mass, has
published the following burlesquc in the
Boston Pilot on the style of the British
war correspondents, accompanying
General Butler on the rocky road to
Ladysmith:
England still faces the world with
stern visagc and grim determination;
she is prepared TO face all odds, even
tour Brltons to one Bocr to attain the
ends OF civilization. Butler, the silent
relentless Butler, hurled his heroic
army-tllc flower of the world, the ever
victorious British, army-at the imprcg-
nabc works OF the Transvaal rebels on
the Tugela yesterday. He did not ex-
pcct to succeed, and his soldicrly ge-
mus discounted the results. 1t was an
exhibition of valor such as the world
has not witnessed since the Codstream
Guards stormcd Paddy Hagcrty's house
in Balinamucll. The British infantry
swept forward like relentless torrent.
only to find the Tugcla river between
them and their foe. They could not
swinl-thanl God, our soldiers are not
taught TO swim-tl1cy had no life belts
on, and somebody had moved the
bridge: doubtless Irish traitors in the
pay of the foe. When will our stupid
war department learn TO supply Our SOL
dicrs will, bridges, good, waterproof
bridges, sucl, as every Prussian soldier
carries?
Our brave fellows stood on the bank
OF the river while the trcachcrous foe
fired on them. They lay down, sat
down, fell down, rolled down, and
hurled shot and shell at the cntrcnched
foe. 1t was only when we reached the
river that we learned that the Beers
were cntrcnchcd. Somebody Numbered
again; a little forcthought and the river
might have been removed Ncverthc-
less our men grittcd their teeth, while
the rcgimental band played "Annic
Laurie" Tears rolled down Colonel
Fcathcrlcad-J oncs-Mugby's checks as
he said Boys, don't blame me; didn't
know they had rivers in this cursed
country. We have come to conquer
not to wade"
Those were his last official words, for
a solid shot from 16-inch dynamite
gun knocked his head off, which rolled
into the river. Before it sank the head
sang God Save the Queen" His SOL
dicrs sworc to avcngc him.
Meantime our naval guns were Great
ing havoc with lydditc shells, and the
Bocr trenches were filled with blood,
the rcd streams running over the edges
of the Notifications. A reliable Kafir
states that 300 men were drowned in
the blood. 1t was horrible, awful; but
British prestige must be maintained.
Then the rumbling sound OF distant
thunder was heard; we thought it was
the rctrcating Beers, but it was Longs
field batteries rushing to Our rescue.
Gallant Long! Lingering Long! The
Long expected rescue had come. Our
men at last dcsistcd from the slaughter
of the foe to raise their heads 1t was
Long dead sure. Long live Long!
His gallant artillcrymcn swung into
action as only British artillerymen can
swing; then Numbering their guns
these splendid Antrim Anglo-Saxons.
their Bcrsckcr blood jumping in their
veins, opened death and hell on their
pusillanimous enemy. while the band
brayed dcfantly: III you amt got any
money you needn't come around"
tt was heroic sight. a scene such as
has never been produced on the Adelphi
stage; Europe was aghast: Asia sllud
/! dcred; and the usurpcr in Pretoria trem
h'ingiy muttcrcd "Ol. | don't know"
/ Then all the trcachcrous instincts of the
| low down Airikandcr were aroused. In
the teeth OF international law and the
Hague agreement, and contrary to act
OF parliament, the republicans crept out
OF the ravincs and spruits and kopjes
| like snakes and hurled hail of lead on
the artillery horses, Staying them re-
morsccssly. The noble animals died
singing God Save the Queen" The
horror OF the outrage held the gallant
artilcrymen spcllbound, and they were
shot down before they could run away.
Undisnlayed through it all, Colonel