Evening star., 1900-05-26
LEE IN "A BIG CITY
Some of the Things One Must Put
Up With in New York.
an INDIGNANT JANlr0R'S WRATH
Disadvantages Of Automobiles in a
Wedding Procession.
BOLD HIGHWAY ROBBERY

Special Correspondence of The Evening Star.
NEW YORK, May "a. 1900.
here Is bit of true story that Is Illus
tratlVe or the amenities of fiat life in this
pushing. go-ahead community:
A physician whose shingle swings to the
breeze from the ground floor fiat of an up
town apartment house was in sad need of
sleep on Monday night last, having missed
his rest for three nights running. He
turned In about 10 o'clock and was soon
dreaming Of s50,00O fees and of cruises on
white yachts with millionaire patients. He
was awakened by a mighty tumult that
came from below stairs. The new janitor
was giving mixed ale party to celebrate
mis- coronation and enthronement over a
fresh batch of subjects. 1t was a playful
little affair. in which flying crockery ware.
overturned tables short-arm punches,
Connemara double-shuff1es and other SIM
pie devices for the passing of the time
were the diversions. Upon the janitor's
!oltlng his better half on the point of the
Jaw ana counting her out it appears that
one OF the cOachmen present at the func-
ton expressed the opinion to the janitor
tnat STRIKING woman was the lowest form
OF wit. Thereupon ensued plenty of doings
IN "hlch all hands took part with great
energy and enthusiasm, the ladies present
contributing their share of the entertain
ment by biting off an ear or gouging out an
eye whenever the fortunes of war placed
these anatomical parts of their gen'elm
ana lady frens in close juxtaposttion.
How the Trouble Began.
1t was the uDroar created by this little
monotony-relieving incident in the general
jollity of the janitor's party that awakened
the doctor. He arose, arrayed himself in
bath robe and slippers. and went down
stairs to see If he couldn't induce tho new
Janitor to put the soft pedal on. the hour
being then close to midnight. By the time
the physician arrived below stairs the men,
oers or the janitor's party were all on terms
OF amity again. The physician called the
1anitor into the hall and deferentially
asked him If he could not contrive to re-
strain in some measure the exuberance of
his guests spirits
"G wan wit youser' said the janitor in
an ominous tone, and the physician con-
GUIDED that on the whole it might be bet
ter for him to gwan. He returned up the
stairs to his fiat locked the door and turned
IN again-but not to dream any more.
The janitor's guests had overheard the
PHYSICIANS mild suggestion to the janitor
to the effect that plenty of fun could be
had without raising the roof, and the
guests resented 1t. When the janitor re-
turned to the room they went at him. They
told MIN that 1t wasn't up to a descendant
of Brian Boru to take no cheap CUFF from
no four-fushing sawbones. and they inti-
mated that they would feel deeply affronted
and insulted If the Janitor didn't demand an
Immediate apology. in the name of his
guests. at the hands of the medical man.
An II tn omadhoun gives youse amy
more chin. youse knock his block Off" sug
gested a lady cook from the next street
Demanding Redress.
Refreshing himself with another half gal
lon from the contents of the mixed ale
| boiler. the ja-nitor stood forth and an
nounced that there1was going to be some
| thing doing in just four and one-half min
yoots He took large horse pistol from
his escritoire. went up the stairs and
the butt of the gun.
"Well?' inquired the physician, sticking
his head out from beneath the bed cover
ings.
"Well. me eye-' yelled the insulted jan
itor Its OF thatll we'll yeez! Coon out
| an apologize t. me before me frens, or it's
bitin tn ar-r-ms off youse Oi'll be afther
| don'!"
please go away said the physician
Are youse coomin' out?" shouted the in
dignant janitor.
'Be good enough to permit me to rest
and go away" replied the physician.
Then the janitor. laboring under a sense
of grievous injury, put his shoulder to the
door and tried to force 1t from its hinges.
The door-oddly enough, considering 1t was
| a fiat door-was pretty solidly built how
ever. and it declined to yield. This so an
noyed the janitor that he fired three pei
lets (CdllDer ,4o) from MS horse pistol
through the panels. yelling all the time
like Comanche surcharged with reserva-
ton red ink and Jamaica ginger and things.
Brave husbands and fathers throughout
the building began to remove their wives
| and children to places Of safety by means
of the rear fire escapes. The medical man.
perceiving that quick action on his part
| would be necessary If he valued his life,
telephoned to the nearest police station
! that he penned in his CfaD stockade
| by desperate from overseas, and ex-
| pressed the opinion that his life wouldn't
be worth an old empty capsule il Gordon
of tall cops didn't come to his relief in
something under six minutes.
The Last Round.
Meantime the janitor, after going out in
front of the apartment house and trying to
pull telegraph pole up by the roots in
order that he might use the same as a bat
tering ram. had found a heavy awning pole
in the cellar. and this he dagged UP to The
physicians floor He was making ef-
fectual use of the awning pole as batter
ing ram when the wagon load of cops ar
rived and rushed upon him. The things
that the janitor proceeded to do with that
battalion Of peace preservers. with the aid
of his trusty awning pole, were something
Scandalous. Seven of them, however, who
managed to escape the ravages of the avn
ing pole. finally succeeded in escalading
and outflankng the janitor, as 1t WERE and
when they got him down they all sat on
him and famed themselves with their he'll
NETS and talked about the ice trust " hile
the janitor pointed out the blots on their
family 'scutcheons in tones that could be
heard eight blocks away. When they tried
to load him into the wagon the ianitor's
friends took hand, and when It was all
over the hall of that apartment house
looked like any abattoir on a busy day
ours" mused the physician, as the hurry
wagon drove of with the janitor and six of
his gen'elm and loidy frens, all In a more
or less pulp-like contiition. stretched out in
the bottom thereof-"ours is a peaceful
home'
"He insoolted me frens," the bruised
jsnitor said to the Police Court magistrate
the next morning. referring to the medical
man. p.
'Did he. now?" said the magistrate. .The
rude thing! One year! Take him awayr'
81 perceive. from the morning paper"
said the magistrate, sotto voce to the ply
sician, that Baden- Powell has been made
a major general for .withstandine the siege
Of Mafeking When are you going to be
gazetted, doctor?'
A Matrimonial Hitch.
Automobiles ARE embarrassing mechan-
isms when they ''sulk." or decline to do
duty on account Of the lack Of a requisite
supply of Juice" as electricians call the
electric fluid. There was a swell wedding
at Grace Church the other day. The we'd