Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1900-03-08


The hostess-I want you to meet Mr.
Cawker. So interesting, you know. He
believes In nothing. The biase one
What enthusinsm!-Life.
diamonds arc getting higher and
higher" Yes. dearie, but we can TX
that all right" How" I'VE won't
buy ny."-IndIanapolIs Journal.
Can you give me no hopper" he Wild
ly cried. EYES," sweetly smiled the
young girl; "lf you go out very quietly
papa may not hear u."-Exchange.
Sunday school teacher lin Chicago)-
Why did the wise men come from the
East? Bright scholar-Because they
were wise men.-Philadelphia Record.
Percy-Wherc were you Oh your vaca-
ton last summer? Harold-Oh. went
to Niagara Falls. Percy-What! Is
that place running yet?-Chicago Jour-
nal
First NJ. D.-What lot OF things
have been found in the vermiform APP
pendix. Second Nj. D.-And look at the
money that's been taken out or til
Life.
A life of terror: what is a bachelor,
Aunt Martha?" "Oh, he's a man who
thinks every girl that looks at him In
tends to marry him."-Indianapolls
Journal.
! Hogan-Do you behave In dreams,
Mike? Dugan-Faith an l do! Lasht
night dremt was awake, an in the
mornin' me dream KEN thrue.-Prince-
ton Tiger.
What is bad form?" 1T is doing
things in way other people have quit
doing them, or doing them In way
| they have not yet heard of."-Indianap-
oils Journal
Rounder-I see by the papers that
Russell Sage takes deep interest IN
American expansion and the Boer
war. Founder What per cent. =
Town Topics.
Losing Her Grip-Blanche-Her for
mer football training didn't prove or
any use to her. May-How's that?
"Why, she let millionaire slip through
her fingers" Brooklyn Life.
How Is your brother, Tommy"
"Sick In bed. miss; he's hurt hisself."
How did he do thatY' I'VE were play
ing at who could lean farthest out OF
the window, and he won."-Tit- Bits.
She-You hesitated when | asked you
If were the only girl you had ever
loved! He-Yes; | couldn't tell from
your expression whether you wanted
me to say mo- or ''yes."--Indianapolis
| Journal ta
Little Willie Say<rA what ssthe diff
ference between ansSptimst and a pes
simist? pam optimist enjoys
thing he can't like and pesslmist
likes thing he cont snjpy,1E'C Chicago
Daily News. ~ 10y
Talker : REMARKED ler = Remarkable!
The weather man sdys Chez mercury
will drop to zero in twelve hours.
Choker-That's nothing. Talker-Eh?
What's nothing? Choker-Zero.-P Phil
adelphia Press. "a i2t.f
Reporter-Mr. Greatman refuses to
give his views. Editor-Then write
two-column article attributing your
own views to him. We will then get
his views when he repudiates your arti-
cle.-Town Topics. -
Servant-A gentleman at the door
wants to know If Mr.. Brown lives here.
Mr.. Brown-Tell him no; that Mr..
Brown boards here. Mrs. Brown Is
probably the person he wishes to see.-
Boston Transcript. a
Mike-McLusher passed twenty-five
saloons Yesterday widout shtoppin' in
wan av thin, an him wild pocketful
av coin. Pat-Hivins! Wor he In
thrance? Mike-Naw; he wor in tn
pathrol wagon.-Exchange.
Con Ceet-Yes. I'm going to the recep-
ton. understand the beautiful Miss
Hilton Is to be there Cold Fact-Well,
you don't expect her to speak to you,
do you? Con Ceet-Why not? Is she
so very Observation-Disclosures Press.
The moral: Sunday school teacher
When the bad children called the old
man "bald-head" the bears came out
Of the woods and ate them up! What
does that teach US? Scholar-To always
climb a tree before calling names!-
Puck.
"Will you give me a kiss. JohnnyT"
asked spinster of a 5-year-old. mo,
indeed" replied Johnny. why not?"
she asked. "'Cause IL did the next
thing you would be asking me to mar
nv YOU" was the unexpected reply
Minneapolis Tribune.
The tramp who had made an unsuc-
cessful application for cold victuals
said: You don't know what it Is,
ma am." he said, Ito have no friends"
Don't Ir' responded the woman OF the
house, bitterly; "two Of my children
have taken prizes at baby shows"'-
Chicago Tribune.
The Clerk-Realy, think you ought
to pay me something extra for tapping
so many postage stamps. 1t makes my
stomach so squeamish that I can hard
ly eat anything at all when get home.
The Proprietor-On the contrary,
think your boarding mistress ought to
Epay me something for the saving
make for her.-Boston Transcript.
Wife (who has been out shopping all
day)-Oh, dear. how tired and hungry
am! Husband-Didn't you have any
luncheon in town? Wifc-A plate of
soup only; didn't feel that could af-
ford to have more. Husband-Did you
find the hat you wanted? Wifa-Oh.
yes: il Is perfect dream. John, and IL
only cost S2S--Collier's Weekly :.
Parsley Neutraiizcs Onion Odor.
1 Parsley should ALWAYS rornish n dish