The Washington weekly post., 1900-05-15

burgOma asters. They no longer shake
hands impulsively, but deliberately. clasp
ing your fingers firmly, yet patronizingly.
A few brOad-shouldered fellows throw out
their chests like pouter pigeons, or walk
a Ia Napoleon, with their hands behind
their backs, as if in a brown study. They
frequently clear out their throats, as
though they were about to utter words
fraught with profound wisdom Mysterious
conferences are held in dark corners ana
window embraSures and men Usually
modest in demeanor strut over the floor
in an effort TO look like first-class states
mel.
Gravity is enthroned on every face, and
they address the House with a dignity
heretofore unknown. Some of these pO-
litical gentry could give lessons TO MT
TUrVeydrOp in department. and others
fairly outstrip Thomas II. Benton in their
emphatic hauteur. They listen to the
speeches of their colea CUES, ,twiddling their
thumbs. apparently absorbed in reflective
thought. These aSterishs OF dignity dot the
fOC- al our new possessions dot the Oriea-
tai seas. At times the House listens 10
them i'm profound silence and anon wings
shafts of ridicule at them. Their intense
self-respect repels the shafts, whatever
fate befalls their arguments. Wrapt in
dreams of future glory. they are unmOved
and resent all insinuations with scOrnful
faces
The secret Of this remarkable change is
the fact that these members are all can
didates for Vice President. Some have
small heads and big feet; others have
| large heads and little feet: yet all imagine
| themselves candidates; indeed, a few act
as though they were already nominated.
| No pestilence could create a greater havoc
| in Congress. New victims are in evi-
| dence every day. The disease appears 10
| be incurable. Some are candidates with
| cut knowing it, and others fancy them
| selves SO when they are not. The cause
| of the malady is unknown. II begins
| with palpitation of the heart. This pal
| pitation suddenly shifts to the brain. The
| intellect scOmes opalescent, scintillating
| like vanguard sunbeams dashing along
| the chilly reaches Of opening day.
All these complications are caused by
/ what is known as the Vice Presidential
| micrObe- The malady is never cured
until national political conventions
| ere held. The cure is sometimes ex-
! ceedingly painful, but always effective
/ The fever fiuctuates in intensity. One of
| the worst cases has been developed in a
member known as the man with the bot
! tomiess lung" a clinical Thermometer
| was lately placed under his tongue. II
/ registered an alarming temperature-los
| degrees. Singular 10 say, he is not yet
| dead. and Is still indulging in the we'll
| seasoned pOrringer of popularity The
micrObe does its deadlies; work in victims
/ VINO appear Indifferent. Their assumed
| n0nch4lance beJrays the extreme raVages
| of the disease. There are several such
| cases in the House and one or, two IN the
| Senate Newspaper articles on the Vice
| Presidency have Il bad effect upon the
| patients. The temperature Is increased by
such excitement, and the indifferent vic
| tim is apt ~ betray mis- anxiety. The de-
| cl3red candidate, however, is affected diff
| feTently by newspaper comment. In some
| cases his temperature runs several de-
| srees lower than normal and a low TEN
Derature is said 10 be more dangerous
| than high one.
The real candidates lie with their ears
| close 10 the ground listening for the tramp
I of the November legiOns. They are in
I telephone communication with their home
States, and work their newspaper friends
| with hidden wires. At times, however.
The newspapers work them. and some
/ times 10 them. They forget that
| episodes are far sweeter than applause.
and ways.de joys better than tinaI success
ses. All the real candidates are capable and
| available men. Some travel along the po-
| litical sky Ike meteors, and others pur-
/ sue the steady course OF fixed star.
! Probably the most dashing OF all The
| candidates is John Jacob Lentz. OF Ohio.
! He has square shoulders, a physique
adapted to the burdens OF the highest
Office In the land. and face indicative OF
absolute confidence and unyielding de-
| termination. Lensz, like Bryan. is ever