Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-09-16
f. 49, sg,s.zs.,sss,,s--,s.-r
"Why, we are going to church, you


Yes It's mighty funny that they
don't give the churches a vacation ri
three or four months during the sum-
mer. How is person who is sitting
up like a crowbar in stuffy cid pew
to get any good of it?"
1.-The church will be nice and cool
this morning"
Mr.. Bowser was getting ready to
claw Off He said nothing further IN
til AFTER breakfas: Then he lighted
his cigar, looked at the clock, and
growled:
1.-THE idea that man has got to hear
a sermon every Sunday in order To
keep Satan out Of his house. said I'd
go, but"
Mrs. Bowser didn't coax or argue,
and at the end of quarter of an hour
he went up stairs to dress. He left the
Sunday papers behind him. He kenw
they contained the latest news from
China, more or less about the Boer
war, and there was a boxing match
and a horse race in which he was in
terested The first discovery he made
after reaching his bedroom was that
he had no clean shirt to put on. Hope
entered his heart No shirt no church,
and going to the bannis,er. he shouted:
This is nice state Of affairs, isn't
1t? Do you expect I'm going to wear
pink and white shirt 20 church, /
knew there'd be some kick up about it
if I tIted to 60"
"You have four white shirts all nice
ly done up in the bottom drawer of
your dresser" answered Mrs. Bowser
from the foot cf the stairs.
He found the shirts, much to his dis
appointment, but there were no collars
and cuffs with them. This gave him Uhe
opportunity for second shout:
"tm to go TO church with table
napkin or towel tied around my neck
fer a collar? Last tight when told
you I was going to church to-day you
knew l hadn't a collar or cuff In the
house. and yet you were so glad! Have
you been selling off everything had to
the ragman?'
SIN the second drawer-dozens Of col
lars and cuffs" answered Mrs. Bowser.
He was disappointed again. He got
down his Sunday trousers, hoping that
the moths had eaten one leg off, but
not the slightest damage was visible.
His coat and vest were also all right,
and it really looked as if he was in for
it when he lifted out q shirt Half
minute later he was calling from the
head of the stairs:
Mrs. Bowser, 90 people attend church
with clothes on or with nothing but a
sheet wrapped around them?"
What is 1t now?"
Here are the shirts, but there isn't a
blamed button on one of EN-"
"Of course there isn't. You use the
gold plated buttons. and you'll find a
box full of 'em on the dresser.
Mr.. Bowser reluctantly got inside of
a Sunday shirt. In pulling on his
trousers he tried his best to burst his
suspenders or pull off the buttons, but
everything held. He anticipated trou-
Bile with his collar. but it fitted his
neck like a charm. In spite of himself
he got dressed at last, but all of sud
den as he picked I'D his hair-brush
strange odor came to his nostrils. anu
he ran out into the hall and shouted:
Mrs Bowser, will you have the
kindness to step up here a minute?"
We'll, what is it?" she asked as she
appeared, followed by the cat.
ut is this!" he hoarsely whispered
as he flourished the hair-brush around.
"You have put peppermint essence on
my hair-brush and have brushed my
hair with it"
Il washed your hair-brush in am
monia water yesterday. There's no
peppermint about it"
Woman, don't dispute me. 1 know