The Norfolk weekly news. (Norfolk, Neb.) 1888-1900, 1900-01-11
MR.. EPIZOOT WILKINS.
lie Breaches the subject of New Jer-
scy's Secession nnd Advises Grover
cleveland "tu scc.c the staithouse
and the Brcwcrics bi ono Grand
Coop"
BURo wv INFERMAsuUN.
WASHINGTON, ID. &.
Tu the Editur:

BURo wv INFERMAsuUN.
WASHINGTON, ID. &.
Tu the Editur:
Several munths ago rit yu letter
givin sum reasons why It wood be an
advantage fer Moo Gerscy tn scccde
frum the rest NV the Union and go 1t
alone. | promist tn see mi naber Gro.
yer Cleveland about It and git hiz opin-
yum In regard tn 1t bcfoar prosccdn tu
yank the stat awa frum the rest Nv
en-. hcv bin tn see him and his re
sponsc tn mi proposishun amt enkur
rljin.
Wen ! scd tn him thet Gerscy wuz
tn good fer the rest Nv the kountry,
and thct she ort tn be all hi herself
| with an amendment tn the konstitoo
shun DRIVEN all the Trusts out Nv the
stait, and colOnlzn 1t exclusively with
Dlmicrnts, he looked kinder queer at
me and askt, "IIow air yu gon tn du
itT
| hczitatid n minnit tn think up sum
plan thct wood meet hiz approval
"iu kinnot anscr me, ! percccvc,"
scd he. "Yu make a proposishun wich
wood dclitc the hart wv every troo
Dimicrat, but yu don't sho us how the
job kin be done"
I'VE Good scczc the ranes Nv guvcr-
mcnt and overtime the usurpcrs thet
hcv taken ava our liberties and raised
the price NV males and winder glass;"
scd /.
"Yu Good" scd he, "and git intu
prison fer konspiracy agin the stait
and fer raisin the devil on general prin-
siplcs wen nobuddy invited yu tu."
"Du yu mccn tn tell me-" sed |, "thet
| Moo Gerscy woodn't be better off alone,
| WHARF her pecooliar kind NV statesman
ship Good hev full swing?"
"Thct amt got nothin tn du with It,"
sed he. "The Republicans hev got con
| troll Nv the stait through our divishuns,
and tina seem tn like 1t well cnuff tn
| keep 1t WHARF it IL. Tha have made
| the Trusts pa moar than millyun and
haff dollars doorin the past yeer, and
| the Dimicratic taxpayers seem tn hcv
| bin hipnotiZed bi it. Tha hev found
| thct wen furrin korporashuns cum here
and drop their fees intu the treasury
| that mccns so mutch less tn raise in
taxes tn pa the runnin expenses Nv the
| stait. If yu shood put the questshun
| NV secession tn a square vote, ez n
| proposishun with no clothes on tu, it
wood be bccteu rite in our strongest
| Dimicratic decstricks."
But think Mr.. President" sed l, ap-
| peelin tn hiz vanity, "whut n CRATE
| man yu wood be eZ the he'd Nv re-
| publik composed exclusively Nv Dimi-
Gratis. And If rcpublik didn't carry
sail enuff tn SCOT yure aristocratic idees
it wood be ded eazy tn call it a kingdom
| and make yu its king, and If yu found
| thet not quite cxsitin enuff yu Good go
| tn Trenton and sceZe the staithouse
and the brewcrics and bi one grand
| coop proclamc yureself emperor, eZ the
late Mr. Napoleon did in France"
"Yure proposishun liz temptin one"
| sed Mr.. Cleveland, meditativly, but in
the present depraved condishun NV the
| Ameriliin people hoo air carryin on an
| onholy croosade agin pccceable Fill
peenoZc in furrin kountry, whut kin
| we expect? Tha hev becum filed with
pride and lust fer power and hev cut
| loose frum the teechins Nv the founders
| NV the republik, hoo never got foun-
| dered, and hev skorned the advice hev
| given them frum time tn time. Tha hev
| declared war without konsutin me and
air raisin armies and bildin ships and
chasein heethen around in the mud
without sayn word tn me, and actin
| jest eZ If l he'd never he'd postoffises
and furrin consulships tn thro around.
Wen | sit down calmly, and perspirin-
ly, and see the depth tn wich the koun-
| try heZ fallen sence / stcered it, feel
| an impulse III reech out and save 1t
| agin, but l amt quite sure thet it liz
| willin tn be saved. EZ tn the moar i'm
mediate prospeck involved in yure
| proposishun tn make me president NV
II republik NV Moo Gersey Dimicrats,
or tn hev me proclame miself emperor
Nv the uneek outfit, do not regard the
present time ez an opportoon one. 1t
wood meet with tn mutch opposishun
frum Republicans and not enuff en-
thoosiasm frum Dimicrats Both par
ties hev declared hi their acShuns thet
tina kin git along without me, and wen
n trooly CRATE man amt missed it liz a
bad time tn tri tn resurrect hizself. Ez
fer ez | hev bin able tn see, frum the
Princeton observatory, with the big
telescope, thare IL no place in site
WHARF mi disappearance frum Ameri-
kin politics hez bin notised | hev, ez
yu air aware, predicted kalamity, and
hev pashuntly waited fer it tn cum, but
ii seems tn be gon the uther wa ez
prosperity advances. Wen people air
busy and prosperous tina don't take
mutch time tn tri moo experiments, but
tina kin raise Cain wen tina air idle and
diskontented. Tharefore shood advise
the abandonment NV the projeck tn eX-
tract Moo Gersey frum the sisterhood
NV stats, or ontil sum time Wen thare
IL moar kalamity stlrrin than thare ap-
peers III be at present. In short ! re-
gard the sines Nv the times ez wholly
unpropishus fer sich n movement"
| Il l.. l.,