davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
A MEAN ADVANTAGE.
But the Stranger Could Not Help
Taking 1t.

Mister" said Broncho Bob, you're a
stranger i'll his community
Yes" was the gentle, unassuming an
swer.
Il want to make you welcome, but be-
fore takin you into the bosom Of the fam
lily | want to ask you question or two.
Have you got any good advice concealed
on your
I'll must confess | don't quite under
stand
Have you any of these little sayin's
like Think before you speak an Let
dogs delight, an so forth? Cause il you
have you might as well take warnin as
how they don't 90 here. Keep 'em to
yourself I've took likin to your style,
an | don't want to see you maxim any
false moves, cause if you do you'll git
jumped. There was Il Teller come here
about five weeks ago. He left four weeks
ago an amt been seen since. We're all
fair an square here If we make a bar
gain, we stick to it. but ii did hurt to let
that Teller git away. He used TO play
poker an quote piety harder'n anybody |
ever seen. Finally one night he says:
Boys, thcys altogether too much quick
temperatures in this place. Now, were
all square people. What we say we'll
10. az IL uu dHtilOIate SeHelai tOhul
tons words like them come easy fur
him) if we was to take time to let our
tempers cool, instead OF jumpin in an
actin rash Now, what | propose he
said, is that when any of us gifts ried.
instead of draggin gun into the game
or talkin back. he must count "A hundred
That's an old fashioned idea, but it saves
lots of unpleasantness. Good scheme
said Rattlesuake Pete. 1T gives both
An folerin Rattlesnake Pete's lead, We
all jned in an made the agreement. The
very mex night there was big poker
game an the stranger was gittin blisterS
on his fingers rubin 'em over the cloth
while he took in chips. All of sudden
Apache Joe jumped up an says You
jes' dropped a card you've been holdin
out. ] seen your Says the stranger
Joe says he. you'se liar" Joe reach
ed fur his gun. nm the stranger says:
Don't furgit the bargain. You've got TO
count hundred That's right says all
the fellers. Joe started in countin out
loud. Ii ratified the fellers who was
playin keno in the mex room SO that
they had to come out an look on. The
stranger KEEP his eye on Joe an moved
his lips, but didn't make a sound. When
Joe got to 40, the stranger says 100. lift
ed his gun an blazed away. The crowd
made rush fur him, but he lifted his
hand an says: It's all square, boys. |
couldn't help gittin through fust. I'm
ightnin calculator. Washington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
HIS FIRST PATIENT.
Me Doctor Was Really Thankful to
Escape Alive.

The portly physician was in n rcminis-
cent mood, says the Detroit Free Press,
and this b the story he told after the
cigars had been passed around and light
ed:
after | was turned out Of the med
ical college a full hcdged physician
looked around for likely looking town
to locate in. After Il search OF over a
month ! found small town where |
thought they needed another doctor, so
determined to locate there.
AS | was entering the shop of the To-
cal sign painter to have a shingle painted
an old man drove up before the place and
eXcitedly asked the sign painter if he
knew where Doc Smith was.
DOCS gone fishing said the painter.
What's the mattcr|
" Betsy's Sick fumed the old man. 4
wish that Teller would stay home and at
tend to business!
Here was my opportunity I thought;
so | stepped forward and said;
Perhaps | can help you out. l am a
doctor
"The old man looked me over rather
doubtfully and then shouted for me to
jump in. ! did so, and he put the gad to
his horse, and we dashed away at Il rate
that threatened to wreck us before we
had gone n mile.
"'What is the matterT | shouted to
make myself heard over the noise that
the old rattletrap of a wagon made.
What do you suppose I'm taking you
out there for if it isn't to find outY he
snapped.
well, held my peace after that and
awaited developments. We had drive
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
a Queer DiyiSion

u. Il. Kelly. once n prominent citizen
Of Dublin, Ind, died 20 years ago and
more. While still living he erected a fine
and costly monument in the cemetery
there for his own use, After his death
his body was taken to Boston for burial
beside the body of his first wife. His
second wife is still living. His daughter
is also living, and she owns an orange
grove In California, whore she resides.
Mr.. Kelly owned large brick house in
Dublin, with three acres OF ground at
tached. an equal amount OF ground on
each side of the house. The house has a
hall running clear through. In his will
Mr.. Kelly bequcathcd the north side Of
the house and the south side of the lot to
his daughter and the south side OF the
house and the north side Of the lot to his
wife. There was an estranged feeling
between the beneflciaries. and neither has
occupied her side since the death Of Mr..
Kelly. Each has goods stored in her re-
spective portion. The property cannot
be sold separately nor rented, rs no ten
ant or buyer wants it in that shape. The
house has remained unoccupied for 20
years save that one room is leased on
the daughters side by Colonel Davenport,
who lives there alone. - Boston Tran
script.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
HIS GOOD FIGHT FOR LIFE.
Heroic Struggle of Woodsmnn
Who Met with nm Accident.

From the heart of the Adirondack will
derness comes the following pathetic sto-
ry of n woodsman's heroic struggle far
lifo after meeting with terrible acct
dent:
The accident occurred on the shores
of Lake Massawcpie, in the town Of
Pierceheld. A lumberman of the name
of Jerry Dudy had contracted to furnish
logs for the mill at Picrceiicld. lie oc-
cupicd with his wife and week old baby
n solitary cabin on the shores of the lake
Dudy was at work some three miles in
the forest telling spruce timber. One
day recently he had cut through tree
about by feet in diameter, and in telling
it it had become lodged in some nearby
trees. This is common occurrence, but
the work of diSengaging the tree involves
great danger and is the cause of many
serious accidents.
Dudy proceeded to "butt off, the tree
The crash came Mt an unguardcd mo-
meut, and he was Knocked down, his
right leg pinned to the earth under the
great weight. lie was unconscious for
some time, but after regaining his senses
he was not slow to realize the exceeding
peril OF the situation in which he was
placed. He knew that il he remained
inactive for any length OF time he would
freeze to death. lie could just reach the
ak, which had fallen near him, and with
his knife he cut off portion OF the
helvc that he might use the blade to bet
ter advantage in his reclining position.
The night advanced, the stars appeared
one by one in the heavens, and still the
brave man toiled on. Oftentimes he
dropped his AK in despair. But the
thought OF wife and baby at home al
ways caused him TO take up his task with
renewed vigor. At last the tree was cut
through, and with all his remaining
strength he rolled the short butt from off
his limb. He was free. He tried to rise,
but his strength was fast failing, and he
sank to the ground. On examining his
leg, he found it to be broken in two
places and frozen stiff.
Late the next day he reached the door
Of his cabin, almost dead from exposure
and loss Of blood. He had crawled three
miles over the broken and almost unde-
fined wood trail, dragging behind him his
crushed and broken limb. The thought
Of loved ones ut home had given him
strength TO accomplish the almost hercu-
lean task. His wife rendered such aid
rs was in her power and then tramped
through the deep snow a distance of over
a mile to the nearest neighbor. Every
thing was done TO relieve the man until
a physician could arrive from the village
Of Piercefeld IS miles away.
Pneumonia set in. He had suffered
more than human strength could endure,
and with his wife and child beside him,
for the love of whom he had suffered so
much, he passed away-Utica Herald.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
senator DuIIfrog, Cherokee.

Senator Bullfrog was a picturesque
figure at a recent session of the Chero-
kec congress. His raimcnt on this occa-
sion consisted of a new pink calico shirt
with no collar, navy blue trousers and
heavy riding boots. Senator Bulfrog
wore his spurs. and although he under
stands the English language quite as well
as the whitest man in the senate, he ad-
dressed the president in the Cherokee
tongue. At intervals Senator Bullfrog
paused in his speech and spat with un-
erring aim ut the stove, while an inter-
prefer repeated his argument in English.
Senator Bulfrog is something of phi
losophcr. A certain lawyer had offered
to accept . per cent as a retainer for col
Letting claim of the nation, and it was
OF this that the senator from Gongsnake
district spoke. Senator Bullfrog declared
that cheap lawyers were not safe.
They will. he said, offer to recover
your hog for ham, but the chances are
you will never get the hog and will lose
an extra ham besides. l notice that most
OF the clients of cheap lawyers are in
prison
This argument was uproariously ap-
plauded by all the other senators, who
sat with their chairs tilted back against
the wall, expectorating in the direction
of the stove. "-Ainslee's Magazine.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
Mr.. Fosters Joke on the Speaker
! feel myself so undeserving
To write my name meath Henry

Representative George w. Foster had
his first interview with Speaker Hender-
son day or two ago After his intro
duction Mr.. Foster, who received only
one committee appointment and that a
very obscure one, said:
81 am on a fine committee. Mr.. Speak
err"
Mr., Henderson beamcd. 81 am very
glad, Mr. Foster, you like your commit
tee appointment" he said. II always
like to please the gentlemen of the
house"
"Oh," said Mr., Foster solemnly, 81 re-
fer to the committee of the whole You
know, ] am member OF that"
And while the speaker was gasping for
breath the new member from Chica 20
added, "At the same time, il you are very
anxious to please, | would not object to
being in your debt for some other good
committee"
And the speaker passed his box Of ci-
gars, Washington Times
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
A POI=Ni ARGUMENT.

The kid was In the cradle smin, placid an con.
tent,
When set out to tell his mother bout the gov.
er'ment
/ thought 'twoud be right good plan to talk
EN- over then
An git my theories Strengthened fore told my
fellow men
Jes what the difficulty was jes why the times
was hard,
Why some could live in luxury an all the rest was
barred
was jes' a.gettin started, tellin wha, they'd
orter do
To bust the tyrants shaoklos when the baby said,
"Ah gool'
Then mother hurried from her chair. as pleased
as she could be.
"Jes' listen to the chidl He's gon fur to talki'
says She
An / stood there a.watchin smiles dimples
swift at play.
Twas half an hour before my speech once more
got under way.
But warmed up agin. | laid the law
down fiat
/ made some propositions which was absolutely
An started in to prove 'sm when the baby said.
"Ah goo!"
i had to stop an listen an to hold i'm in my
We wouldn't trade his lsughin fur planet full Of
farms
I told him all about it, ne slowly blinked his
eyes
The same growed UP people when they're tryin
to look wise,
An when | spoke about the wrongs which are
a.holdin sway
He shct his little fist up in very thrcatenin way.
An then he seemed to think that he in the
confsb too
He put his little hands up to my face an said.
''Ah goo"
An mother says: 81 sometimes fear your phisn.
thropic dreams
Is interfcrin slightly with our more immediate
schemes
The boy will need q lot of things. bsby's
boun' to grow
He's more 10 than all the human race" Says
], That's So"
I've settled down to business. I don't lecture any
more.
sposc the same things happened lots an lots Of
times before.
There's been tremenjus projecks that has never
got put through
An all because some baby in his home lea said.
"Ah gool
~ ashington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
DlAZ AND THE REPORTERS.
Hard Man to Interview Because He
Is So Modest.

President Porfrio Daz. the president
of Mexico, has changed little since he
visited New York 1G years ago. He is
still the same modest, transformations
man.
On the occasion Of his New York visit
he staid, with his ~ife and the members
of his suit, at a Madison Square hotel,
where he mingled with the less distn-
guished guests as though he were n mer
chant from country town on buying
trip. 1t was difficult for the reporters OF
the newspapers to find him. The report
ers were gathered at the clerks desk
waiting for an answer to their requests
for an interview, when one OF their num-
Der seated himself beside a well dressed
man and began to ask questions regard
ing Mexico. He was n slender, middle
aged man, very dark and spare.
After a dozen questions had been liter
ally fired at him, he shrugged his Shout
ders politely and pointed to u tall man in
the center Of the corridor.
"He speak. | don't" he said.
Thereupon the reporter hurried over to
the tall man, who was surrounded by re-
porters in minutes time,
"Who is hep whispered one reporter
Of the spokesman.
"Daz"
"Who says SOP
"That duffer on the settce"
SO they pumped him dry. Just as they
were thanking him. he Interrupted:
"who do you think | ann" he asked
General Diax." they chorused
mo, no. am a railroad ticket agent.
That's General Diaz over on the settee."
But the man on the settee-the "old
duffer" had gone to his room. He did
not disappoint the reporters however.
He saw them all little later with his
interpreter But he did not talk half so
much about General Diazs great work
as the tall railroad man had done.-Sst-
urday Evening Post.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
Evnrts' Reason For Long Life.

Ex-senator Evarts celebrated his
eighty second birthday few days ago
and called his large brood of children and
grandchildren and great-grandchildren
around him in his old fashioned residence
in Second avenue. Although his eyes are
almost sightess and il is difficult for him
to recognize people except by their voices
nowadays, his general health is good, and
he has not lost his humor
The other day when an old friend call
ed upon him he talked at length about
the past and the men they had been ASSOC
ciated with at the bar, In politics and in
society, and Mr. Eyarts quoted n few
appropriate lines from Oliver Wendell
Holmes pathetic poem, The Last Leaf"
How do you account for your longev-
typ said the friend. "You have al
ways been hard worker. You have eat
en- and drunk whenever you were hungry
and thirsty and have been what we call
a free liver. You have never taken care
Of yourself and We're not born with n
strong physique. Why is il that you
have outliyed nearly all of our contem-
poraricsT
81 suppose it's because have never
taken any exercise" said Mr. Evarts
grimly.-New York Letter in Chica 90
Record.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
Elevator Decorated with Texts.

One Of the novel sights on the plains OF
western Kansas is gospel elevator"
at Lebanon. The owner, prominent
grain buyer, is convinced OF the need OF
prominent preaching, and he recently
brought sign painter from the city to
decorate his huge elevator, the largest
building in the town. On all four sides
are painted in eaudy colors striking BIZ
BILE texts imploring to confession and con-
version. For 20 miles across the prairie
the big building, with its shining mes
sage, is plainly seen, and 1t attracts the
attention of oil. The owner says he will
change the texts from time TO time as
those in use become entirely familiar
Leslie's Weekly.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
LittIcneld Was Applaud d -.

One of the really good stories is going
around among the lawyers and about
Congressman Littlefeld. Twas when the
congressman was stumping In his cam,
paign. 1t was up in Franklin county
town. The chairman Of the committee
wanted to give Charles good send off,
and so he said
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Hon
Charles f. Littleheld, who is known
from Passport to York as the one great
orator of Maine. This, fellow citizens, is
Hon. Charles Littlefield, who will talk to
you from the setting Of the sun until the
rising up thereof"
Appausc
Then up rises Charles and darts fal.
con glance at the chairman and another
as piercing at the audience.
Gentlemen" said he, you and the
chairman can stay here in this hall il
you want to until the rising of the sun,
but as for myself I'll tell you right now
I'm going to be out of this hall in just
80 minutes"
And the applause that he got then was
in earnest.-Lewiston journal.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
SHE GOT DAMAGES.
And Secured the Verdict In Very
short Order,

81 was standing at the end of the de-
pot platform of a little crossroads sta
ton down in Virginia several weeks
ago" said the colonel, when little old
woman drove up with an ,x harnessed to
cart, and. handing the fines to little
colorcd boy who was loatirss around, she
came up the steps and asked:
Stranger, will yo back lone wilder
to git justicc?'
How back you?'
"'This yere railroad has run over one
Of my hogs and won't pay fur him. I've
cum down yere TO git + bits fur that
hog or turn loose on Sumbody I'll walk
up to that critter inside and demand my
money. He won't pay, and I'll tackle
him. Will yo' back me to see a far
fout?'
Why, you are a woman and should
not think OF having a fight with man.,
| replied.
Never yo' mind about my bein n wo-
man, stranger. It's & bits or | tackle
him, and it'll help me along to know yo'
are behind me. VIII yo' do it or see me
git licked and lose my cash to boot?'
II said I'd see fair play and went in
with her. She walked mp to the station
master and spat on her hands and said:
10 KNOW ABOUT tnat DOS. III y
bits or I'll light on to yo'!
"'Why, Mrs. Ramsay, l don't own the
railroad
six bits or a tackle" she replied.
"'Ill send your claim up to headquar-
tiers to be acted on
" Stranger, hold my sunbonnet. ard
don't let him gouse my eyes out or pull
my ha'r" she said as she united the
strings. Now, them
Here's your 6 bits he said as he
handed out three quarters.
"'Thankee Good money, is il? That
squar's the hog. and thar won't be no
fout. l jest rcckoned thar was a way TO
git at n railroad, but | didn't know ex-
actly how it was done.
Il went out to see her into the cart.
and when she got seated she extended
her hand and said
Stranger, | was a lone wilder and
wanted backin, and yo' backed me.
hain't no woman as can shed tears nor
git off big words, but my airnest wish is
that the Lawd may dun hev mercy on
your soul. amen. G'lang. Sal" w ash
ington Star.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
Knows whistler Now,

A commissioner representing the Amer
lean art section of certain exposition
was to arrive in Paris awhile ago to ar
range with the American painters and
sculptors resident there for their contri-
buttons. Wishing TO be brisk and bust
nesslike, he wrote ahead to several artists
stating that he would be in Paris on
certain day and at a certain hotel and
naming an hour at which he hoped each
man would call upon him. On his sohed-
ule for the day might have been found
the name OF MacNeill Whistler and the
hour 80 precisely" The note he re-
ceived is worthy OF the author OF The
Gentle Art of Making Enemies:"
Dear Sir-I have received your letter announc-
ing that you will arrive in Paris on the --th. I
congratulate you. | have never been able and
never shall be able to be anywhere at '4;30 pre-
cisely." Yours most faithfully,
J. MAoN. WHISTLER.
Paris Letter in Boston Advertiser.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
AGED CLERGYMEN
The Ministerial Dead Line and Our
Theological Students

There comes a time when a man can
ceither stay in the ministry nor get out
of it. He cannot stay in it, because at
the age Of ~ or 80 he has reached the
ministerial dead line. Churches prefer
youthful preachers. They like the young
face. the erect figure, the spirited deliv-
cry and the vivacious thought of n boy.
Another paradox. They ought to prefer
the learning, the experience. the insi ght,
the ripened character and the chastened
spirituality of man past middle life,
for only he can best minister TO their
real needs.
Yet we are confronted with Ian Mac
laren's pathetic query, Shall the old
minister be shotW And whatever an
Swer we make 10 that query it remains
mournfully true that the old minister is
either removed by methods more or less
heartless or deceived into Imagining that
another parish will afford him an oppor-
tunity for continued usefulness. Let
him resign and seek that other parish,
and he learns his mistake 4 mere strip
ling succeeds TO his pulpit, while he him
self remains unemployed.
But it must not be imagined that this
unemployed clergyman has left the min
istry. The ministry cannot be left. 1t
sticks to man whether he will a. not.
He is regarded as monarch who has
ANONYMOUSLY abdicatcd his throne, as a
monk who has profanely discarded his
cowl, as a soldier who has dSoyally re-
pudiated his military title. He cannot
become a layman He cannot enter sny
other calling save that to which he has
given his life. because the clerical routine
has untitled him for successful endcavor
in other directions. Some time we shall
evolve q system of eleemosynary support
for our professionally disabled spiritual
advisers.
What name. then, shall we give to the
ministerial calling? / insist that it is o
mere butterfly existence. A man has not
served his apprenticeship in it until he
has reached 80 or 80. and his clerical
life is snuffed out at As or so. This is
well known. Would it not be natural to
suppose that so disheartening a condition
would serve as a very effective deterrent
for youthful aspirants toward holy or
ders? Yet at the very time when the
dead line is drawn with cruelest strin-
geney behold our theological seminarics
thronged with ambitious students! What
can possibly tempt them TO hazard their
all in so perilous a venture as the minis
terial career 1.-THE Paradoxical Profess
sion" by Henry J. Barrymore, in
Forum
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
RusI,in's Books.

Apropos of recent statement 10 the
'ffect that "Mr. Ruskin's books have
)cen worth n fortune 10 somebody.
though not to their author" the London
News says:
They may or may not have brought
fortune to others, but they certainly
brought it to him. Mr.. Ruskin's annual
income from the sale Of his books has for
Z long series Of years been on the aver
age $4,000. The money test Is not al.
ways a good one in literature. and it may
be doubted if any other serious author ot
the day has received SO large monetary
reward as Mr.. Rustin. II is sometimes
supposed that his vogue has OF late years
been declining, The precise contrary is
the fact"
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10

said, and the visitors departed.
ON the street Mr.. Mitchell said:
"WpllY y
And Colonel Payton replied
II do not understand II all yet Blu
she asked me to send this telegram foi
her. Perhaps you will know what f.
means"
Mr.. Mitchell took the bit of paper anc
read merely the address of Matthew
Mora. followed by:
bon voyage"
eyes | understand" said he. 81 will
send this myevlr rnlau"l'
TO BE CONTINUED.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-05-10
Merely Waiting,

II was just after the dinner that pre-
coded that box party.
''She doesn't seem to be much of a con-
versationalist." he suggested. referring to
the guest of the evening.
"Oh. but she is" replied the girl who
knew her. She's really brilliant"
But she said almost nothing at din
ner" he urged.
True" was the reply, but just wait
until we get to the opera Chicago
Post.