Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-10-24

covered that I had come off without my
hat" Spiggins-"W did YOU do?'
oh. l lost my head, and then | did not
need it, you know.'-Judgc.
At dinner party a young man was
WI and his books, speaking verE con
tamptuously of them. and he said 10 the
bishop of Winchester (Wilbertorce;:
My lord. have you read DARWIN last
look on the Descent OF Man'?' Yes, |
have" said the bishop: whereupon the
Young man continued: What nonsense II
is. talking Of our beng descended from
apes. Besides. | can't see the use OF such
stuff. l can't see what difference il
would make to me if my grandfather
was an ape No. the bishop replied.
L don't see that it would: but it must
grandmother" The young man had no
more to say.
Friend-"I wonder Ethel that you al
lowed that Frenchman to kiss YOU in
the conservatory" Ethel-'I couldn't
help it, Why couldn't you?'' Be
cause l can't speak French. weekly
Telegraph.
The gentleman from Philadelphia was
strolling on the beach at Atlantic City
looking for shells for his lite girl AS
he tells the story in the Record, along
came one of those old idiots who ask
questions with their mouths which their
eyes could answer: He smiled upon me
gathering shells? No I snapped back.
saying the first thing that popped into
my mind: I'm looking for Il set of falls"
teeth | lost While in bathing He eX-
pressed his sympathy. and then his face
lit up as his eye caught sight OF PINK
nd Oh fl,n Toll
declare. Here they are now. he ex-
claimed, and. sure enough, he picked up
a set OF false teeth lying right at his feet.
| was too surprised TO do anything but
grab them and put them in my pocket.
The funny part of it is that l never had
a tooth pulled IN my life. | wonder
whom that false set belongs to-
An English sentry once stopped a car
night of court ball. A lady put her
head out of the window and remarked
that she had the right to so on. because
she was the wife of a cabinet minister.
Beg pardon, ma'am.' was the firm re-
ply; but | couldn't let you pass even if
you were the wife Of a Presby terrain min
ister.'
A party of Americans were sitting on
the upper deck Of a Rhine river boat, en-
JOylng the charming scenery. One was
reading aloud from guidebOok about the
various castles as they came into view.
just as the boat was passing one OF the
finest old buildings, woman in the par
ty exclaimed to her companions: WHY.
that old castle is Inhabited See, there
are blinds at the windows.' NO" said
a man standing by her SIDE. chose are
the shades of their ancestors"
-:o:-
Ministerial Friend Ton a visit)-''I won
der what makes your mamma so happy
today: She is singing around all over
the house,
Little Nell-'sI dess she's thought of
somefn' to scold papa about when he
comes home. '-Tit-Bits.
Our landlady,' remarked the man
boarder. lis the most stingy woman
ever met; always looking out for number
one"
"Oh, WELL" replied the man who makes
excuses for people. Il suppose she's q
widow who was thrown upon her own re-
sources, and
Not at all. If she was a widow she'd
be looking out for number two. ''-Phila-
delphia Press.
Markleigh-"Y our office seems badly
mussed up. Have you no janitor?''
arkleigh-"We have one but since
he became faith curist he has been CIV
ing the office absent treatment BAL
timore American.
Miss Margaret Fish, who studied at
Bryn Mawr college last year. and has
returned to her home in Brookline,
Mass, stepped into a Chestnut street
store few days ago to make some ar
rangements regarding her furniture
Good afternoon, Miss Fish," said the
salesman, bowling deeply, Il just dropped
you a line
He was not conscious of any humor in
the situation until the college girls laugh
accepted it.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Teacher-'Now, children, suppose this
classroom We're suddenly enveloped in
flames, and escape cut off. what would |
be the best thing tC do to prevent loss of |
life? Tommy Tatters-'Keep cool."-
Judge.
The workhorse and the carriage horse
stood side by side on the street.
Il see you take your meals a Ia cart" |
shifted the latter, looking disdainfully at
the others canvas feedbag.
Yes" replied the equine toiler. Don't |
your
Neigh. neigh, Pauline and the proud |
arlstocratlc mare ratified the silver chains |
upon ner harness. Il prefer mine stable |
d cat. ''-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Conductor stumbling in the aislc)--
Are those your feet, sir!'
PasSenger-''Yes, sir
Conductor (sarcastically)-"Y should
have had them checked.''- Harlem Life.
A boarder at Kennebunkport, Me-. |
went to the circulating library and asked
if they had the Letters of Jane Welsh
Carlyle" and received the rep:y: You
will get 'em at the postoffice'
Il disown you"' cried the angry
parent Il shall cut you off with a shil- |
ling.' Yes. SIR replied the erring son. |
land might 1 have the shilling now %