The Weiser signal. [volume] (Weiser, Idaho) 1890-1904, 1900-05-10
As the Devil Would Do.

The editor of the Atchinson Cham
pion thought to publish his paper for
one week as the devil would publish
it, and he sent out letters asking
prominent men over the state for
opinions as to how they thought his
Satanic Majesty would proceed with
the undertaking. Among them was
Ex- Governor John p St. John, and
he wrote:
Il have received yours of the Goth ult.,
asking me to give my opinion as TO How
the devil would run paper. and in reply
hereto desire first TO congratulate you
on your excellent judgement in selecting
me to answer that question, for my
familiarity with his Satanic Majesty en-
ables me TO impart TO you lot OF inform
alton that the ordinary pious man knows
but little about
THE first thing the devil would do
would be to write a salulatory. He would
give it an intense religious tone. He
would shout for old Glory, and scream
for liberty and pitch into the Mormons,
but would not say word about the
thousands of slaves. and our government
salaried sultan and his II wives under
the protection of the American flag on the
island of Suu. He would openly favor
bimetallism and secretly work to put the
government on the single gold standard.
He would talk long and loud about the
peoples money but place them at the
mercy of the national banks TO get 1t.
He would declare that the Cubans were
and of right ought to be free, and then
refuse them their freedom. He would
denounce fraud and then send word to
the Gamers of rotten beef 10 clean up and
get ready to be white washed. He would
stand quietly by. and without even a
protest see the organized trusts rob the
people of hundreds of millions annually
and call it prosperity He would advo-
cate the levying of a high tariff tax on
the poor mans food and clothing and
tell him it was protection He would be
quiet as a graveyard while we were burn
ing negroes at the stake and punching
their eyes out with red hot iron, here
in our own country, but would make his
columns speak in thunder tones in favor
of sending our soldiers 5000 miles from
home to shoot our civilization and Mil
waukee beer into the Filipinos. In a
desperate frenzied effort of powerful
monarchy which has been robber and
oppressor of weak nations, TO crush by
brute force brave people in South Afri-
ca who are struggling, as our forefathers
struggled four generations ago the right
of self government, the devil would be on
the side of the monarchy and gloat over
the downfall Of the republic. He would
take his position in his newspaper that
by the providence of God Porto Rico
was the property of the United States.
and her people were our people, and by
cry Of 'bene violent assimilation and To
impress upon the Porto Ricans the lesson
that whom the Lord loveth he chastiseth,
he would put 10 per cent tariff on the
products of their labor. He would in
dulge in long prayers for temperance and
edtorially wink at the Klondi<e jointists
TO close up during the dull season. but
throw their doors wide open again just
before the veterans next pay day lie
would stand for Mckinley and bitterly
denounce Bryan and finally his Satanic
Majesty would make will, in which he
would provide, that in case Of his death or
removal from the United States, his news
paper should be turned over TO Mark
Hanna"