The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1900-07-21
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
= HER POINT OF VIEW ::
hNMN.Nv NMS

OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
"Ive been fat-headed enough to be-
lieve that / understood women pretty
thoroughly" remarked a prominent
resident of this city yesterday. But
I'VE decided that I'm an old fool For
instance, among my delusions was that
woman doesn't worry much about
her own personal appearance when she
has been married good many years
and has grown-up children. Then rye
held to the belief that no woman, how
ever sanity, If she is told something
that will benefit her and which most
of the other women don't know, is go
ing to confde 1t to them so that they
can have equal advantages? "Well, /
should say you were a Ounce" inter-
polated plain-spoken woman ac-
quaintanCe. Goodness me, don't you
know that we are so delighted to be
the first to tell a new toilet fad or a
cure for rheumatism that we'd give
it to our bitterest enemy?" The man
stared at her wonderingly and then
remarked, THAT certainly is queer
and / don't more than half believe it
yet. DO you suppose a woman who
was bald-headed and found out a
remedy would tell other bald-headed
women so that they could look as well
as she with a new growth of hair?
Not a bit Of it," And then he con-
tinued while his listener looked too
dsgusted for words
Nov. there's my wife. She's fifty
years old if she's a day, although
don't know yet her exact age. There
may be men who think they know
their wives ages, but they're just as
gbbering idiots as I'Ve been. Well,
this morning what do you suppose?
was sleeping beautifully when sudden
lY | dreamed that a street car had
gone off the track and had walked up
our front steps into the hall and run
over my feet | awOke just in time to
see that woman sail over the foot of
the bed like -millenialite and 50
kerflump on the floor. She had used
my feet as a sprngboard is the way
figure it out. and she landed so solid
that the cook came upstairs and said
there Ind been some kind of an
earthquake in the dining-room. My
wife weighs $50 with her shoes on, and
from eight to ten times as much with
them off. Did you ever hear yourself
walk the floor i'm your bare feet? I'll
bet a hat you shake the entire house.
Well, whatever she was trying to do
she was like Darius Green and his
hyinC machine when she came to
alight. ! was so scared that | kept still
to see what she would do next. IN
fri IL, Il
turn cart wheel, such as | did when
| was kid. Ny wife, fifty years old
If she is a day. She couldn't do it
and took header into the sofa. Then
she did a sort of cake walk on her toes
and then kind of dizzy performance
like a ballet dancer or "A whirling Der
wish in the Midway, and my wife isn't
now propOrtiOncd for ballet dancing,
whatever she may be in another world.
Then-but really | don't expect you to
believe this-but my wife, fifty if she
is a day, tried to kick the chandelier.
l simply couldn't stand such lunatic
proceedings any longer and / yelled,
MARY Jane, what under heaven is the
matter with you, and what do you
think will become of me and the chill
dren if you disgrace us?" And then |
tried to calm her down and get her
into n frame of mind where / could
reason with her. Well do you know
she wasn't excited at all. She was as
cool and calm as l am this minute-a
sight cooler. She just remarked very
sweetly, "Oh, John, you awake? l
was just doing my exercises" Think
of it! Fifty years old If she is day
doing EXERCISES" and of that kind,
too! All the exercises woman of
that age needs is to walk more and
hustle around the kitchen.
Then this aggrieved specimen of
mankind proceeded: II shouldn't SO
much mind it if you women wanted 20
start on some new fad, under the hal
lucinaticn that you are improving
yourselves. l shouldn't care if YOU
wanted to use curry combs and scrub
bing brushes on your own visages, or
if you wanted to eat snails, or grass,
or any other confounded thing. What
l do kick about, and most emphatic
ally, is the way you will persist in
making everybody else under the same
roof follow your fads.
Now. l don't care a rap about my
complexion. Indeed l think it is rather
good. cor course, calculated, sotto
voce, the woman who listened. What
man ever thought he could be improved
upon in any way?O If my wife thinks,
at her age, a diet of COW feed will re.
new her youth, she has my permission
to try it, and III pay the doctors bills
that are sure to cnsue, but l don't
propose to eat a raw carrot every
morning before breakfast. No, ma'am,
not on your life! She hasn't any right
to try her lOony experiments on me.
And what do you suppose happened
when / tlatly refused to eat raw car
rot grated up in a horribly unhealthy