Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-04-18
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'AIrs. Bunk says she feels as free as
bird in her rainy-day skirt" ''Well.
she looks like a ay."-Chicago Record.
Barber-How would you like to have
your hair cut? Customer-Ffrst rate.
Didn't just tell you that l wanted it
cut?-Harlem Life.
He-Awfully funny thing happened
to me the other day. was best man
to my own grandfather. She-Really?
How funny! Hadn't he ever been mar
ried before Punch.
King Arthur was moved to tears.
"sir Galahad," he sobbed, sis dead"
say not So" exclaimed the court-jest-
er; Say, rather, he is enjoying good
knights rest."-Philadelphia Press.
Hibernian newly landed)-phwot in
the wurruld do the bell be put on the
COW for? Jersey Farmer-To keep her
from gcttin' lost. Hibernian-But sup
pose she do be def, pivot thing
Judge.
Mrs. Jones (reading)-One Filipino
got shot through the head, heart lungs,
and stomach, and still recovered. Mr..
Jones-B-r-r-! It's n thankless job try
ing to civilze such people as that
Judge.
Loves his fellow men: Switcher-
The new superintendent of the trolley
road is very humane man. Ringer-r
Is he? Switcher-Yes; he says he will
run an ambulance behind every car
Bazaar.
Citizen-See here, I'll give you n
dime, but believe you asked me for
money only yesterday. Why don't you
learn some good business? Able-bod-
led Beggar-I have learned one, sir; I'm
a retoucher.-Life.
Wifely constancy: ~ have been mar
red for fifteen years. and my wife
never fails to meet me at the door,"
Wonderful" Yes, she's afraid
might go in without wiping my feet
Chicago Times-Herald.
Guzzler-Have drink? Bjones (who
is going slow)-No. thanks; I've just
had swallow. Guzzler-But one
swallow doesn't make summer.
Bjones-But it sometimes means an
early all.-Philadelphia Record.
We have all met him: what sort Of
a fellow is Bobbers in n social way?"
ooh, he is one of those idiots who
would say sweets to the sweet when
he was passing the pickles to lady of
uncertain age."-Indianapolis Press.
Judge-Do you accuse this man of
taking your property? Band-leader-
Yah! He dake mine moosic-roll ven
look away. Judge-Took you by sur
prise, eh? Band-leader-Yah! He
steal a march on me.-Chicago News.
Gladys (sighing)- Papa is so eccen-
trio! A1adeline-How SO? Gladys-He
heard me telling mamma that Prof.
Keeze, my music teacher. had an ex-
quisite touch, and he discharged the
The process of profit: And are you
going to pay your money to see that
play which is being denounced as i'm
moral" Certainly. think immoral
plays,ought to be denounced. And as
fair-minded person, feel that have
no right to denounce it until after
have seen t."-Washington Star.
THE little dear is lost again." she
said, as soon as she got home. "Oh,
that pug~ Yes, that pug. If you must
talk like brute. and want you to
advertise for him." And this is the adj
vertisement as it appeared: "Lnst-A
sausage-shaped yellow dog, answerd
when hungry. to the name of Baby A
reward will be paid for his return to
81 Blank street, dead or alive."-House-
hold Words.
The real thing: johnny (who is jeal-'
Gus of mamma)-Mamma likes me bet
ter than she does you! Evelyn (who
enjoys teasing)-Why. no, Johnny; of
course she loves Betty and me best!
Just think, she was our mother long
before she was yours! Johnny (scorn-
fully)-Hoh. what Of that? You are
nothing but sample copy, anyhowi
And Betty's only a trial subscription
But l am the real thing!-Life.
WELL" her father asked, do you
think you could support q family?"
..My dear sir" the young man replied,
81 have made 1t practice In life never
to cross bridge until come to it"
"Oh, you have, have you? Well. L
want you to understand that the bridge
refer to is right in front Of you. I'm
| looking for a son-in-law who will make
it unnecessary for me to care whether
get to the Office on time or not"
Mary" said Mrs. Wilkins. did the
lamb chops and beefsteak l ordered for
breakfast come all right?" "Yes,
ma'am," the girl replied. And did the
boy fill that order for sausage that
gave Yesterday" YES, ma'am." 1--WE
have ham and eggs in the house, too,
haven't we?" Eyes. ma'am." "And
bacon? Eyes, ma'am." Let me see.
Yes, Mr.. Wilkins will sigh for good
old-fashioned mess of mackerel to-mor-
row morning. That's the only thing
couldn't think of."-Chlcago Times
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