davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23
PRcrir IN AEH 81 Ack syg.
How Resourceful Woman Turned He
Misfortune to Account

How Resourceful Woman Turned Her
Misfortune to Account.
One OF the children called. and She
went to see what was the matter. The
kail was dark, the child's bedroom was
dark, the door to the room stood partly
open, and the result was that she ran
into the door In spite OF the usual APP
plications for injuries of that nature,
the bruise just over her eye was pain
tnlly IN evidence in very short title,
ana her husband was sympathetic.
Yes, it does hurt" she said in re-
ply to his question. at pains me a
great deal. l think / ought to get $50
for that"
Fifty dollarsr' he exclaimed. "From
whom?''
From you," she replied.
Il am awfully sorry you hurt your
SELF" he said, ''but l don't see why it
should cost me $50"
Because l need it to get that gown |
spoke to you about" she explained.
"Oho! So that's it." he returned.
You want to work ON my sympathies
to get the gown l have already refused
to buy you. Well, 1t won't do
You won't let me have it:'
"No."
suppose l should knock over few
chairs, rush around the fat noisily for
i've or ten minutes, and then tip over a
table" she suggested.
I'D think it very foolish of you, but
it wouldn't change my determination,
he answered.
Then suppose, after making such a
racket as that, which could not fail to
arouse the curiosity of the neighbors,
| should go out ON the street to-mor-
row with this swollen and discolored
eye" she persisted.
What's that?" he demanded.
Suppose, when l was asked how it
happened, / should appear i'll at ease,
laugh in constrained sort of way, and,
after some hesitation, say that 1 ran
against door,"
you wouldn't do that" he ex-
claimed, in alarm.
What would they think of your"
she went on. what kind of reputa-
ton would you get in this neighbor-
hood? Do / get that gown" she
asked, as she pulled chair over until
1t was almost ready to fall.
IN bet" he said as he reached for
his pocketbook, that you ran into that
door purposely."
But she got the gown. A resourceful
woman can profit even by her misfor-
funoa
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

i consider it not only pleasure but
a duty | owe to my neighbors to tell
about the wonderful cure effected in my
case by the timely use of Chamberlain 8
Collie, Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy.
l was taken very badly with fux and
procured bottle of this remedy. A
few doses of 1t effected a permanent
cure. I take pleasure in recommending
it to others suffering from that terrible
disease. w. LYNCH, Dorr, w Va.
For sale by A J. johnson & Co. druggists.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

AFTER suffering from severe dyspep-
STA over twelve years and using many
remedies without permanent good final
ly took Kodol Dyspepsia Cure. 1t did me
so much good ] recommend it to every
one, writes J. E. Watkins, clerk and re-
corder, Chillicothe. Mo: 1t digests what
you eat A. ]. johnson & Co., druggists.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

II. @. Hood, justice of the peace Of
Crosby. diss.. makes the following state
ment: I can certify that One Minute
Cough Cure will d. all that is claimed
for il. Ny wife could not get her breath
and the first dose Of it relieved her. It
has also benefited my whole family. It
acts Immediately and cures coughs colds.
Group. grippe. bronchitis. asthma and al
throat and lung troubles johnson & Co.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23
after sniff

AFTER suffering from piles for fifteen
years / was cured by using two boxes of
DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve, writes w.
J. Baxter, North Brook, N. G. 1t heals
everything. Beware of counterfeits. A.
j. johnson & Co., druggists
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

A man in Indiana by the name of Pipe
and who talked a great deal could be
designated as quite piper"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

If sweet young widows want to
''ketch' some sweetheart in the sunny
tangles of their golden curls, they'd bet
ter take Rocky Mountain Tea. Great
medicine. Soc. A. J. johnson. q Co.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23
Noted dealer in Town.

The greatest healer of modern times is
BANNER SALvE, for cuts, wounds, sores,
piles and all skin diseases Guaranteed.
A J. johnson q CO..
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

SOUND advice to those who have kid
ney and bladder troubles, is to take a
safe, sure medicine like FoLEY'S KID
NEY CURE. 1t always benefits the
KIDNEYS. johnson & Co.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23
TO CURE COLD sN ONE DAY

The interest that Shylock had at heart
was about 81 per cent.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23
Even preserved silence won't keep.

Il had stomach trouble twenty years
and gave up hope of being cured till 1
began to use Kodol Dyspepsia Cure. 1t
has done me so much good I call it the
savior of my life, writes W. R. Wilkinson
OF Albany, Tenn. 1t digests what you
eat. A. J. johnson & Co., druggists
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

Buy Monarch mixed paints if you
want the very best. There are no other
mixed paints to compare with them.
A. J. JOHNSON & Co.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

-Townsr's new line of wall paper ais
now ready Do not buy until you see
mis- immense line.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

Bring in your BROKEN PARAsoLS.
We are now prepared TO do all kinds of
departing and recovering.
MARTIN & KUEBLER.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

-'DeWitt's Little Early Risers are the
finest pills ever used ID. j. More of
Millbrook, Ala. They quickly cure all
liver and bowel troubles johnson & Co.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

Thomas A Tolrud will attend to your
collections and do it right. Call and
ee him at Tolrud's law Office in Casson
ninni-
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

Take LAXATIVE BRoMo QUININE TABLETS.
All druggists refund the money If it fails to
ure. f. W. GROVES signature is on each
box. 25c.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

Give your friends credit for most any
good thing-but money.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

There are better fish in the sea than
have ever been caught. Not if you
believe the stories of our local fisherman
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

Officers regard the quarrles of privates
as rank affairs.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

A great many family ties are pretty
badly tangled.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

Pride is tenant of expensive tastes
and few remittances.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

i recon not the seasons,
Nor the years that come and go,
Lite's an all-around pleasure to me.
since taking Rocky Mountain Tea.
"A. J. johnson e. Co.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

A man who itches for fame has to do
lot of scratching before he gets there
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23
Every-day-b argains

Lining cambria, &c a yd.
Best apron checks &c yd.
Regular Sc sheeting &c.
Regular 121c coverts lie.
ladies black hose
Regular 1910 at Sc.
Children's black hose Toe
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1900-05-23

Good calico &c per yard.
Regular l0c percales 7ic
Reg. 10-12}c sheeting SIC
Mems heavy socks sc pair
Ladies tan hose
Regular 12ac at 10 cts.
Summer corsets 25 cents.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
HuMoR or TIE AouR,


"Well met, spnplua lAptIus," erled
young bnpratius IN they plnspul hands
beneath tho thpun llnn,luh ,lnR Oh thu
slRnDOArd Ut tho 1hApOn khn,lpa
"Oh, l~NuN0tlns, how lA't with thNnf \
"passIny we'll my bpNpy WIN You
Join MeW
And they pushed their why through
the swinging green DNlAo doors,
"WhAt's this | hear" continued TIM
young Luerellus, concerning an nAfor'
tuAAte AFFAIR IN tho AP0DAW
"nah, II II npthlnH," saId kpnpiNs ln'
differently ~ 10 slipped hls honey VI
HyblaA
"Dut heard YOU Violated .he amper.
0p's orders In the new 0lymplRn games
by negleotlDs ~ respect hls turned
down thumb when he slHnaled " you
10 lot your opponent llvep
~ VA Justified III my Aes'on' good
LUQretius,"
ny what, spuNusT
"lf You had sssn my opponents M
trance Into the arena You would Apppes
eiAte tho justice Of my act, slew him
only because no deserved itW
"And what about hls entry Into tho
arena, BpuFiusf How dId he come ont"
"He came On.asOds, think Or III lta
came on doing the cake walk prAn0e 10
rag timeW
"You dld we'll, hpuPluM, Have anoth'
ep with me, "aH0levelAnd plain Dealer,
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03

The prospects nn that tho republican,
county ticket which viii bp nominated
early IN September viii compose some 81
the besl men 10 bp found IN The party,
The primaries and convention will he
noticeable for their entire absence 81
tAptional differences and Tho candidates
nominated M tho convention for lpgtslar
live and county offices will ~ before The
people with the knowledge lhnt They
have n united party NJ their bnek
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
uMyAkAM ON TIM WAkE,

THE free and unlimited coinage NJ silver
nt 10 90 1, although made n specific
declaration by thp democrats ~ thelr
national convention this year IN II WIS
four yenfs ago N not the leading Issue
with the party leaders In This state NJ
The present writing The Montana
member of thp committee on Platform ~
Kansas City did MOI favor making silver
an issup In the campaign this year
although Bryan carried Ille slNtp ny n
majority orBH,00O votes four years ago
un shat Issue alone The Montana
democrats, while presumably for Bryan,
ave not going 10 allow lle national
ticket 10 tnkp the wind Oul nf state
issues They nrp not nearly NJ wild IN
enthusiasm for lhe Nebraska man ~
they were four years ago, and nv be'
tween Bryan and the state tlphpt demo-
cratic leaders In Montana prefer tho sue
NAM ~ lot,op n, tl,u nolls IN Noypm,
her
Az n result Of tI,p peculiar conditions
In tIp state and tho effort which will bp
made by Tho democracy 10 save The state
and legislative ticket some surprises may
no looked for when tho volp III prpsi,
dppljal electors IL pou,Ipd In Noypmbpr
All over Tho STATE there nrp thousands If
dpn,oprutjp votprs Who loojs with fuyov
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
FRIDAY, August \, 1900,
uaOuhuoNn Central O1MmltiaG,

Notice ii hereby given lllat there Wi
no a meeting Of llp republican eeIlrn
committee Vt Yellowstone county ~ th'
Grand hplpI parlorE In Billings 0l
Thursday, August y, 1000, NJ Y O'Clock
y, mn for tho purpoNo issuing \ call fI
ihe regular county convention and hI
ahe consideration Of such other matters
IA may properly come before said com
miiip pt that tinp
LN, AMIN,
Chairman Republican Central Com
mittppi
Ips. H. Goss, Secretary
August l, 1900
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03

Issue" NJ this writing, Time was when
we thought The Inter Mountains NJ
publioanlsm WINS mther of n peculiar
brand and flavor This was when n
majority Of tho republicans Of the state
w%orsbipped NJ tIp shrine ~ Brynn and
silver, with the Inter Mountain IN The
prime mover IN the ghost dance, But
the Inter Mountain ~ longer believes
chat tho democrats are sincere In their
professions for silver and having dis
covered the deception II wns but natural
that the BUTTE paper should lin the veil
md confess w the errors Of its political
ways, The present tone Of The Inter
Mountain ~ certainly republican, pure
and unauthorized, and for the manly
course the paper hnS adopted since u
tho deception Of the dsmoe.
raey on the silver question lot tho repnb'
lieans Of tho stats give full credit,
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03

The memory Of the ''oldest iDhnbi'
tant" does not recall y time when tho
heat has been NV intense nv II has been
during the past week throughout this
section Of Montana On Wednesday
the Thermometer vHisIerpd lO7o In tho
shade ~ Billings and reports from other
points throughout eastern Montana
credit thermometers going y tpw degrees
higher Than The record mnde ~ Billings,
On account Of rho %pSppssI w hent during
tho pnst month and W thp absence Of
any rnintaIl the ranges ID many pnrts %
Of The state arp destroyed and the out
look for winter ranging Of lIv stock "
Of the most d"jseOuraging character
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03

The republican county central COM
mittee which meets next Thursday III
this city will set the date Of The county
convention and prescribe tho manner md
form for The election Of delegates 10 tbat
convention IN MI probability there will
bp bur one convention md thnt tliH
year The parly viii depart from
IN old custom md viii select candidates
for county Offices NJ The same time dele
gates 10 tho STATE convention are
salnplpd,
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
MiswndepstOO0 Him,

~ don't see how any sane man can
want mere than one wife," he sald as
be finished reading the news from TuP'
Key,
"Yesj one Ii quite enough, Isn't II,
deaFW she returned, "The human
heart ID not large enough for more than
one, and then polysainy always seems
10 mo 70 10 qheApen women too"
" wasn't thinking OF that" he an
swered, what b0theps mo IA how any
man can 10 10 w0rk deliberately 10 Ao'
euinulate troubles 10 make n e0lle0H
tion, M y0u might say,"nuChlpagO Post,
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
n1'bH tlDIs ENa,n

II ~ refreshing W nOM tlat IN these
days WleH the country tidy sWnuuh
with Mo- 4 companies and organizations
presenting the New York Successes while
these successes are stilI running IN thp
metropolis, that thW Boston LYRIC WW
Company travels on the principal thai
invariably wins IN tho end, that policy
baiug W have but ono boston Lyric
OWm company and uOt allow any
other organization the privilege NJ prp,
mnting ''Thp Fencing Master" Wang
or NThe IDOLS Rye" each nj which ap
now TIM authorized exclusive property
q fGoL This polipy enables the manage,
ment ~ concentrate NV enerHiRs and
thus secure the hest possible results
financially nv we!l m mtisfjeally, This
~ proven ny the. almost phenomenal
SUCCESS afkn0wfdged NY The HOslDU
hyrif 0l9ra company .this SEASON The
success that has followed MI nj tbe
above named OPERAS this seas1tl VIII
EHayantee the presentations IN Ibis yejty
during the Hdst0n Lyric 0JerW Com
AHE IN af the 0lera, h0Hse N nm assprr
HFee, .tllat every detgtl, M matter hnw
small n WHy he, WIN M carefully attend,
I'd IN end that tle 0tnras will b pre-
keRted heTe lHst tte same m thy Were
4!yTlHE heH great W IN New fnrk
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
A warming In Artists,

Hicks Wllm IN tho matter with
dPayf iie doesn't ~ 10 MetiOne's bur.
ber shop any more,
Widksmit came about IN tllH way
Tie went Ia there A few days AgO and
said, ~ want my halr cut" M0ltOnn'a
something Of \ joker, Won knew, aDd
when he not Gray Into the chair he
looked NJ drAy's head IN n HOrt Of un,
decided way md asked Gray, (which
ono dId yOs wish 10 have Cnt, slp7'
This was too mn1h for drAy, Ito n
awfUIly sensitive about what little
hair no has left - boston Transcript
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
NOt kmpepstltlOWs,

Wlgks~p Poor fellow Hos IN 4 bud
way, The doctor says biz voice IN g0ns
completely,
WAokss=I suppose hell have 10 tisa
tho deaf and dumb language when ha
wants 10 talk 10 anybody,
Wi0ksaH MOI that's tho worst Of IL III
claims he can't do Tint consistently De,
cause lia always declared he didn't beI
iIeys IN slgna,a = Philadelphia Press
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
MwIiwninw . NOOslev,

w'bat rooster Of yours" complained
tho ivAsGible naighbOr, "wOke me \
dozen times last nIHllt don't think
people living In u crowded community
ought 10 keep chickens"
I'VE don't kaep chickens" rstOrted
tho man on tho other SIDE Of the bAnl'
yard fence, equally angry, ~ WIS tin
baby Chicago Tribune
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
N@@M MMM wM1w w@M#wMw@@~&wws
\ Church Notes.

The usual Baptist services will Nv held
NJ the court room next sunday M u n,
mn and y y, III sunday school NJ 10
N, M
SERVICES will be held NJ the cOnHWga'
tiOnAl church next sunday conducted by
the paslor, Rev, W. y, cInrk, Preach,
ing ~ II H. III, and y D MI sunday
school NJ ~ ~ Junior BDdpnyor NJ
$3.50 p mp and Senior Eudenyor NJ 7
n w.
Al The Methodist picnic held Wpdnes.
nesdAy n good time was IDdnlHpd IN
AbOnt 100 wendell their way 10 Mnrsh'H
grove and spent the time until sundown
eating, sleeping, swinvhing, racing, bail
playing and competing for prizes, Tho
prize winners weyf Nv follows Long
standing jump, Rosem Allen, baseball
masks appk rNV, Carl Wells, baseball,
girls sAk rag, Edith Conway, silver
braQplptA wltnan's rNee, Mrs Dartell,
onyk ppnVloNeT hO-yavd, dash Roscoe
Allen, euftV,fttonsi 6O,yard dash-girIS
~Edna Hleni lMnborss Perfume
hurdle mep, Neya Todd, pair shears
apple chewing contest, tiei three legged
race, Carl Wells, ba1ebalI bnti mm
backward, Edua Alien Everyone ~,
turned home tired, bUt had n good time
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03

Miss white but befO' y0' paeebes d,
kiss holll nm some loo WAtah 10 600
70 lbs,
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
Kssutpg n swfs,

Miss Jans Jones' No, sirj ri not tell
YOU my AKh
Census TRk0r-sH VIII bp n perfectly
confidential matter, Mis- jones'
MlEH lane JOnas~Nh y WON'T
know your wife, and know she'll
worm II OHt ~ yOu,a.tDdlA1Ap0lls Jour
uDL
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03

the us!t, statss peys Cow aa g:
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
4 MMtts1 nj sRsIuHs,

~ tho world wew stationary" b
gaD tho gvGat professor ~ the wGrl1
were stationary" tho impairment youth
Interrupted, ~ would never have W
spond 4 aGnf for writing pNpeE"tg Phil
GdnlphIR Record,
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03

New Akewt lee GveNWs aN1at
~ tbAt \ g0od simmer N0vsL N0s'
sleT
"YsM In nssvly every Ghsptsy IN
tsv0lRe gets 4 b0at nAs,"s~CkleAee
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
In RAslaa, NJ GaMxus,

WHAye vow decided whore y0U VIII IN
fOr your yNGHtl0nW
ma, nat vat I'm trying w ma glf
where tho H0stm Glrs aEF mast nv
nervous" Chicago F0sk
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1900-08-03
The New Hoard Of Charities

bDW NeW sDVWFW " y SMmBbubW0b
Tho president shortly before len Wing
for his homo ID Canton, Ou announced
tho appointment OF tho following M
tho board OF charities Of the districts
NJ w Woodward, John Joy jods0i,
simon Wolf, George W, Cook ana DR.,
Charles " NeilL
Tho bOnpd Ut charities was author.
lxod by tho provisions Of The net OF
0OngpeAs approved June y, tho mel pro-
vIdIng that tho president should w.
point, by and with tho advice and con
sOnt Of tho senate, i've residents Of Tho
District nv members OF tho board for
4 t0rm Of three years, bit IN su0t n
manner Tint tho terms Of not more
thnD two Ut them should expire In the
snin0 yOOG No compensation N 10 be
received by Tho members Of the board,
and during their terms Of Office they
shall not serve nv trustees or other
administrative officers Of any lnstitus
ZION subject 10 tho vIHitatIons 81 the
hoard,
Passing nj ~ Oh Landmark,
IN tho deHDlIEhlng " Wizards, now
going on, Washington VIII lose u H.
nous old Landmarks and ono Of Its
noted hotels Not even tho oldest H.
hAbItADt 0An remember when this no.
mi WA built but tho land Oh which
" ~ sItunt9d was purchased IN i7OH,
and BOOn nfiNr u small u~npr9tentlOuS
building, tho nucleus Of what became
y popular ana fashionable hotel, was
erected This modest house was nrst
known w lin Queen hotel, wbiGh WIS
Aftarwnd ehADgod ~ tho Clty hotel,
and when II passed into tho hands OF
th0 WiIIArds " received tho name Of
Nv nav prOpvi6iOrA
Wac Consul Monaghan Nv ClaInnltK,
has furnished tho state department
with tables OF tho worlds production
NJ copper which show ihRt North
America completely suvpassas 0thsr
lands In tho production VI copper, OUT
Of n total Output NJ N1slk tOns tor
lam North America supplied 10h, 100
tADs. VhG statement shows als0 thAf
tho production In hardly eggAi w thu
demand, fOE In splM M lneveNsoA
prices, II HIS advanced only \ ltttla
mara thsn D per Gsnt
Attorney General uTlggs hrs fully
decided that II will be hast " postpone
tho MGall0p nj n new department ~
Justice bWiIA,sg Until congress een mset
egNN And pass upon I'M question ~
making m additional appropriation
sWN4GlsRt IN Insure Tho erection M = ~
NsRt hWtlAtn6, CAEk NGN0vlklM
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-03-16
A CARD.

We, the undersigned, do hereby agree
to refund the money on 50-cent bottle
of Greene's Warranted Syrup Of Tar if it
fails to cure your cough or cold. We
also guarantee 25-cent bottle to prove
satisfactory or money refunded.
KENDRICK & Co., Il. A. DROWN Co.,
w. ii. GLADDING, F.MARTIN, SOUTH BARRE
w. II. MILES 4 Co.,
GRANITEvIILE, j. K. DIX, EAST BARRE,
W. K. POOLE & Co.,
EAST BARRE, F. A. AINswoRTH,
W1LLIAMsTOwN,
K. N. ALpRIcH. GRAHITEvILLB.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-03-16
A Joke That Failed.

During one of the legislative sessions
at Albany Senator Thomas F. Grady
wired for his evening dress suit. He
wished to ATTEND a reception. When
the satchel arrived at Grady's apart
ments, his roommate, Assistant Cor
poration Counsel Thomas ]. Creamer,
opened it, took out the dress suit and
replaced it with one Of his rainy day
suits.
"Let's get crowd of senators here
when Grady opens that satchel this
evening"" said Dreamer.
GAIL right" said Senator Timothy d.
Sullivan. Hurry up and get the sena'
tors"
AS soon as Dreamer left the room
Sullivan took Creamer's old suit out of
the satchel and put back Grady's even
ing dress suit.
Senators Coggeshall, Ahearn, Colfey,
Featherson, Martin and McCarren were
present when Grady opened the satch-
ell. AS he carefully unrolled his dress
suit the senators looked at Dreamer.
The latter was speechless. At last he
suffered:
1.-THE cigars are on me, boys. New
York Journal.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-03-16
How He Spent the Balance.

NO." said Zeke Perkins as he clean
ed the mud off his felt boots on TO the
floor, 81 amt a-kickin Teller when
he's down, but Alb Simpkins amt AIDE
servin of charity. You know the dea-
con give him a order on the grocery for
81 to help his fambily out on the same
day that photograph Teller come to
town."
"Yep,' said the man with the uncul'
tivated lilacs; that was all right,
wasn't it?"
"Sartinly. sartinly, 1t was all right.
AS said afore. charity's good thing.
But Alb goes down to the grocery an
buys half bushel O potatoes. sack O.
cornmeal, hunk O. side meat an big
chunk O. tobacker Then he says to
Smith, How much does that come to?'
says he. 'Seventy-nine cents says
Smith. What more do you want" he
says. Alb stood an thought for a long
spell. We'll. Smith, he says, 4 don't
know as we're needn anything else
a-tall. If you can give me the balance
in money. it'll be better fer me an bet
ter fer my fambily.'
"Smith gives him the balance O.
course. out O pure charity, an ri be
doggoned If be didn't go an spend it TO
hear the band play in that photograph
achinew-Edward Singer in Indian
apolis Sun.