Willmar tribune., 1900-11-14
could stand it, though. told you We
had nnndn = sfak-sE5..t.. 80

could stand it, though. told you We.
had made stake. ssz
''Well, i says to Joe: 1T amt no use
in spendin' our wealth all in one place.
Let's give Omaha a touch Of the sunny
side of prosperity So we went on to
Omaha and in two weeks ,rore we was
busted. Not plum busted, you under
stand. We had about $4,000 left be-
tween us. It was little over that, be-
cause that represented the exac'
about this way We was q settin' in
the bridal chamber Of the. best hotel
in the place eetin' our dinner, which
was roast turkey. disremember the
name of the hotel, an I don't see that
it cuts any grass with you men, any,
way. I said we was eatin' roast tur-
key an there amt nobody can tempt
me. to eat roast turkey now, I want to
tell you. I killed man with a neck
yoke in Pierre last year for just offer
in me some. But then it was q whole
lot different an that turk tasted good.
We didn't leave nothin' of it but the
bones, an when we had got to that
pint Joe stretched back an, lettin'
out all the slack there was in his belt,
which wasn't too much, he says: why
can't we get turkey like that on the
Pacific coast?'
"That gi' me the idee. When a man
has idees it don't take stick of giant
to blast them out in chunks that kin
be handled. I run my fork keerlessly
through my ha'r. which wuz longer
than what it is now, an I says: why
not buy turkeys here, drive them out
to the coast an recooperate our shat
tered fnances?'
"Joe fell in with my scheme an that
evenin' we went out to the market an
Investigated. We was in luck, for the
market was glutted with turkeys an
they was goin' beggin' at IS cents a
head. I figgered that they would sell
on the coast for dollar pound easy
an that they would average IA pounds
in weight, takin' them all through. So
we jest put that whole $4,000 in the
birds an started out.
"They was easy enough to drive;
there amt more tractable or docile
bird on two legs than the turkey is.
If it had been hens, now, wouldn't
never have undertook it, but turkeys
is all right. jest put a bell on the
biggest one in the outfit an started
him right, an the rest went goblin
along after him. 1t wuz as pretty a
sight to see them turkeys on the road
as ever you seen in your life. Twelve
thousand five hundred of them, an
not straggler in the bunch!
"Fedd? Well, what do you think i?
Wasn't there bugs on the road?
reckon there was. It was grasshop-
per year, want to tell you, and the
way those turkeys fatted up was a
sin to snakes. Fourteen pounds!
Why, there wasn't one of them turks
that wouldn't have tipped the scale
at 25 in week, an the bell turk an
the one that strapped the blankets
an the cookin' outfit onto-I wouldn't t
want to tell you what they did weigh.
mo trouble about night herdin'.
AS soon as it was sundown they would
commenst lookin' around for a place
to roost, an then they would fly up
until the next mornin'. We took the
old overland trail along the Platte out
to Fort Laramie, an not hitch in the
arrangements. We could see how the
folks in California was goin' to flock
round us with their dust when we got
there. We could see ourselves in car
riages, with plug hats an spike-tail
coats an blooded stock. Hah! Do
you know what that would have
brought us? It's easy. Putin it at
the moderate estimate of dollar a
pound, an allowin' the average of 25
pounds to the bird, there we were
with clean profit of $2475 on every
one Of them, or allowin' for possible
losses by death or misadventure, say
100000 on the outfit. It was a gol
burned shame that we had to slip up
on the DEAL"
The old man began to smoke his
pipe in stolid silence, and the stock.
tender winked at the stage agent. The
silence continued for half an hour,
and was then broken by the stock
tender remarking that it was about
| time for him to feed them horses.
"Yes," resumed the old man, placid.
ly. I'VE slipped up on it, an it wa,
/ this way: You see, we had had lots
of cottonwood trees all along the
Platte, but when we started to cross
the plains to Green river we noticed
that the turkeys got bothered at
roosting time. They KEEP twistin'
their necks around lockin' fer some
place to roost all night long, an the
next day some of them had necks like
a pretzel. When they tried to feed
an took a shot at q bug or. grasshop.
per they would miss him from SIX
inches to q foot on one side or the
other. Joe allowed that they would
learn to calculate the variation after
awhile, but they got poorer an poor.
| er, SO all there was to it we had ia
take them back to the Platte to get
| the crick Strengthened out, which they
did in few days. But when we took
them to the plains again we had the
same old trouble, an, to make long
story short, we KEEP drivin' them back
| an forth an back an forth until
there wasn't any more to drive"
''What got away with them?" asked
the stage agent. .-r. .... ..---<.
"We ct 'em, you derned fool," re-
piled the old man.-Chicago Daily
Record. s'.,s as. ,.--..
WILD WOMAN R0AMS WOODS