The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1900-04-11
Mr.. DO0lEY ON EXPLOSIVES.

IF liver / wanted to go TO war" said
Mr.. Dooley, AN / niver did, tn desire
has passed firm me iv late. Ivry time
read iv tn destructive power Nv
modern explosives col chills chase
each other up an down me spine"
What's this here stuff they calls
lyddite?" Mr.. Hennessy asked.
We'll, tbs the dlvvles own
med cine" said Mr. Dooley. "Compar-
ed with lyddite, joynt powdher Is Mrs.
Winslow's soothin' syrup, an ye cud
leave tn childher play baseball with a
can iv dinnymite. It's as sthrong as
Gin'ral Crownjoy's camp tn day Nv tn
surrinder an almost as sthrong as tn
politics iv Montana. TIL men that han
dies it is cased in six-inch Srmor an
played on be a hose iv ice water. TIL
gun that shoots IL Is always blown up
be tn discharge. When this deadly
missile flies through tn air tn threes
ARE withered an tn little bur-rds
falls dead firm tn sky: fishes is kilt
in tn rivers an tn telephone wires
don't wurruk. TIL keen-eyed British
gunners an correspondents watches IL
in it's hellish course an TURN their
faces as IL falls into tn Boer trench.
An OH tn sickly green fumes IL gives
off. JUS like pizen f'r potato bugs.
There is a thremmenjous explosion.
TIL earth is thrown up fr miles.
Horses. men an gun carredges ARE
landed in tn British camp whole. Tn
sun is obscured by Boer whiskers turn
ed green. TIL heart in tn corryspon-
dint is made sick be tn sight, an be tn
thought iv tn fearful carnage wrought
be this dhread destroyer in tn ranks
iv tn brave but misguided Dutchman.
tn mex day deserters firm tn Boer
ranks reports that they have fed firm
tn camp, needin' drink an enable
to stand tn scenes iv horror. They
announce that tn whole Boer army Is
as green as wallpaper, an tn Irish bril-
gade has sthruck because we can't tell
their flag firm tn flag iv tn rest Nv tn
Dutch. TIL Fr-rinch gin'ral in COM
mand iv tn Swedish corps lost his COM
plexion an has been stint to tn hospital,
an Mrs. Gin'ral Crownjoy's washin'
that was hangin' on tn line whin tn
bombardment comminced is a total
wreck, which no amount iv bluein' will
save. TIL deserters also report that
nanny iv tn Beers are outspannin'.
trekkin', loogerin', kopjein' an veldtin
home to be dyed, FIR tbs not known
whether lyddite is a fast color or will
come out in tn wash.
I'm spite iv their heavy losses tn
Beers kept up a fierce fire. They had
no lyddite, but with their other divvlish
modhern explosives they wrought
TREMENDOUS damage. FIR some hours
shells burst with turr'ble precision in
tn Boer camp. Wan man who was
good at figures counted as many as for
ty-two thousan' eight hundred an
swim burstin' within a RADIUS in wan
tut. Ye can imagine tn horrible car
mage. Colonel c. G. +. n. l.. NJ. n. o. p.
n-Casey-Higgins lost his
eyeglass tin times, tn las time almost
swallowin' it, while ye'er faithful cor
ryspondint was rindered deaf be tn
explosions. Another Irish rig'mint has
disappeared, tn Twelve Thousandth
an Eighth Dublin Fusiliers. Brave
fellows, tbs SUSPECTED they mistook tn
explosion Nv lyddite FIR a Pathrick's
Day procession. an whit acrost to take
a look at il.
"Murdher, but tbs dhreadful to
r-read about. We have to change all
our CONCEPTIONS iv warfare. Wanst tn
field was r-red, now tbs bright lyd-
dite green. Wanst a man whit out an
Il -
him out and lyddite dyes him. What
do / name? 'Tis a joke l made. I'll
not explane 1t to We. Ye wudden't I'M
dherstand il. It's fr tn eddycated
classes.
How they're liver goin' to get men
to fight afther this / cuddent tell ye.
Twas bad enough in tn OIL days whin
all that happened TO a sojer was bein'
pinithrated be large r-round COB iv
solder or stuck up on tn end Nv bay
nit be a careless inimy. But nowadays
they have tn bullet that whin 1t en-
theirs we TURNS ar-round like tn screw
Nv a propeller, an another wan that ye
might say goes in be a keyhole an
comes out through a window, an an
other that has time fuse in IL an 1t
doesn't come out at all, but stays In
We, an mebbe twinty years afther,
whin we've frgot all about il an ARE
settin' at home with ye'er family bang!
away Ii goes, an we with IL, carryin'
away half iv tn roof. Thin they have
guns as long as firm here to tn rollin
mills that fires shells as big as a
thrunk. TIL shells ARE loaded like a
doctors bag an have all kinds iv things
in Thin that won't do a bit iv good to
man or beast. IL sojer has a weak
back there's something in tn shell that
removes a weak back; IL his head
throubles him, he can lose it.; If tn cd
her iv vilets is distasteful to him tn
shell smothers him in vi'let powdher.
They have guns that amy boy or girl
who knows tn typewriter can wurruk,
an they have other guns on tn music
box plan, that ye wind up an go away
an lave, an they annoy amy wan that
comes along. They have guns that
bounces up out Nv hole in tn ground.
fires a millyon shells a minyit, an
dhrops back f'r another load. They
have guns that fire dinnymite, an guns
that fire tn hateful, sickly-green lyd-
dite, that makes tn inimy look like
fiat money, an guns that fire canned
beef f'r tn inimy, an distemper powd
her FIR tn inimy's horses. An they
have some guns that shoot straight"
We'll, thin" Mr.. Hennessy grum-
bled, Its a wundher to me that with
all thin things they amt more people