The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1900-08-08

tuscany.
- A curious election bet is just an
nounced from Detroit that involves o |
mule and mother-in-law. Arthur
Williams agrees if Bryan is elected |
President to support George Stebbins's
mother in-law for life. Stebbins
agrees if Mckinley is elected to twist
the tail of Williams mule daily for
three weeks or until permanently dis
abled. 1t remains to be seen which
has got the better end OF the bargain.
- A.Montans man committed sui
eide because he had become penniless.
A few days after his death property
valued at $3.50, 900 was turned over to
his estate. Some one said that, in
certain cases Of this kind. the first
punishment suicide received, in the
next world, was the knowledge that he
killed himself when rescue was just at
hand.
- Do not shirk; rather go about
your task. Do not let any young man
think he has performed his full duty
when he has performed the work as
signed him. A man will never rise if
he acts thus. Promotion come from
exceptional work. A man must learn
where his employers interests lie and
push for these.
- Northumberland why wouldn't
the customer buy the tiger skin?"
Office Boy-"He said it wasn't genu-
ine." Merchant-"And didn't you
make it appear plausible to him that
it was genuine?" Office boy-"Why,
of course. I even told him I shot the
tiger myself"
- An Ohio man wants to sell the
Treasury Department mouse nest for
800. He says he had that amount in
bills in bureau drawer, and that
the mice appropriated it in bits to
build home in which to rear their
family.
- She-"I cant understand what
nc saw in her. Her face is decidedly
plain" He-sYes, the" She
''Figurel Why, she's painfully scraw-
ny; she hasn't any figure at ALL"
He-sYou're mistaken. She has six,
and the first is five.''
"Did you take much pressing be-
fore you accepted Jack?" asked a
young lady Of her friend, who had just
got engaged. "Oh, lot. And then
Jack is 30 stroDg,> yeu know. He
nearly squeezed the breath out Of my
body
- When an Armenian maiden at
tains her 18th year, and..is not engag-
ed to be married, she must undergo
strange punishment. She is forced to
fast three days, then for "a hours her
food is salt fish, and she is not permit
ted to quench her thirst.
- If you want pair Of boots to
last four years, melt and MIX four
ounces of mutton tallow; apply the
mixture while warm, and rub it in
we'll; and then put the boots in some
closet and-go barefoot.
-" "Where is the island Of Java
situated?" asked a school teacher of
small, rather forlorn-looking boy.
II dunno, SIR "Don't you know
where coffee comes from?" eyes, sir;
we borrow it from the next. door neigh
bor.'
= When man says ha has learned
not to have misunderstanding with
his wife he means he has learned TO
pretend not to see lot of things that
are going or.
Boys, remember that you grow
older every day. and if you have bad
habits, they grow older too, and the
Older both get the harder. they are to
separate.
So Funerals on the installment plan
are now among the attractions offered
in Chicago. Most people would prefer
to have the affair over at once and
done with.
- Twenty-Five per cent. Ct the pop
uiation of England have their life in
sured.
- In marriage announcements in
Spain the ages Of both parties are
given.
- There are many persons who
think Sunday is q sponge with which
to wipe out the sins Of the week.
- In life one frequently meets with
men who are not getting down the corn
row very rapidly because they are
using tnn heeyr. aoo.
-unless- a Christians walk cor
responds with his talk, the less he
has to say the better.
- 81 have seen better days." said
tha Hind man ssqh haar - ~nr.rl