The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1900-02-01
A Lesson in Temperance
Smith Finds Use for n stuffed
Rattlesnake.

nNEofhis friends recently sent Smith,
of Brooklyn, fine specimen of
the damond-back rattlesnake. 1t was
a dead rattlesnake, though ii didn't look
it; in fact. it was only the skin OF the
reptile with the head attached, but all
the diabolism of the live creature was
expressed in the thick, fiat head with
TWO glittering black pirheads doing
duty for the eyes. 1t was really very
fine skim and Smith thought with
pleasure how well it would look on the
wall of his study, but upon taking il
home he found that his household re-
garded it with mingled emotions. When
he appeared with it in his hands Mrs.
Smith ramped around the room as if it
were mouse that was confronting her
and threatened alternately mysteries
and a return to the home of her ances-
tors. Bridget, the maid, who had come
upstairs on the run upon hearing the
excitement, retired via the front door
TO the middle of the street, where she
informed an interested public that Mr..
Smith had come home to dinner and
brought the devil with him; while the
family cat, after one casual glance at
the deceased reptile, Skinned up the
back yard grape arbor in perfect
abandonment of horror, and spit till
her whiskers whistled.
This snakes all right in its way"
said Smith. "but I'd rat have my hap
by home, and it don't !, ,k as if the two
were compatible. I'll give it house room
for day or two, and then present it to
some bachelor apartment"
With some difficulty and after repeat
ed assurances that the object of her ter
rors was quite dead, Smith persuaded
Bridget to return to the house and her
duties. Mrs. Smith was somewhat rec
onciled by learning that at any time
the serpent could be turned into hand
some belt for herself, if she so desired,
and consented to try it first as a wall
ornament for time. The cat refused
to come back, but that night sat on the
back fence and told all the other cats
about i, until the neighborhood qnelled
their comments and interiections with
handy bric-a-brac.
Upon arriving at his Office the next
morning Smith found note from his
friend Bixby, setting forth a sad case.
to-wit, himself. Bixby had recently re-
turned from the arid south, whence he
had brought a large fund of informa-
tion regarding the noxious insect and
reptilian life of the region, a reputation
for a leaning toward revolver practice,
and an abounding thirst which all the
strong waters in New York couldn't
ouench--he hadn't tried the other kind.
Bixby wrote:
Dear Smith I've been going II for the
last week or year or something. Been try
ing to put the Raines law out of business
by drinking all the booze before Sunday
I'm pretty much on the aboriginal bum in
consequence They haven't got me yet,
but | saw one OF EN- last night. 1t had
long, pink. wriggly ears and ! thought 1t
was an eel til | saw the hoofs on it. It's
been lowering around all this morning and
I've been tryiag to chase ii with ammonia
cocktails, for | know II It ever gets near
enough TO say Tag I'm It. II you've got
room In your place for a head like barrel
i wish you'd take me 10 Brooklyn tonight.
! need change OF air oh, my boy; I've
been OR a loot that would make the Angel
Gabriels trumpet feel like busted penny
whistle. tn be at your office at five. with
or without assistance. as the case Enay be
Yours hurried,y, BIXBY"
Al the appointed hour Bixby arrived
in a cab. and when he saw him Smith
sent word home to Mrs. Smith that she
had better invent and accept an invita-
tion TO dine and spend the night al her
aunt's. Not that Bixby was intoxicated.