The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1900-10-09
HAD A fIrTY.DollAR eIll.
Credit sad Coed THINGS shswerea on Mas
Whs CaaldnsI fir. ak Tt.

one tentduFtiS.
No: III tell it 20 you. 1t won't take
: 1--WE minutes. All the acts are short"
! Something Ike sign OF relief was
/ heard
The curtain rises on the FIRST act. dis
closing lady giving me a nfty-doliar
| bill
/ Whether IL Vas caused by establishment
or disbelief. or. perhaps. both, certain II Is
that an exclamation akin to "Phew!"
came from the crowd.
Yes. I'll explain. A vaudeville actress,
with a generous angel behind her. gave
ne commission to write a sketch. and
TO my delight accepted my terms. which
we're so on acceptance and So on proauc-
7 tion. i read the sketch TO her last Sat
urdsy. She was pleased, and planked
down the first instailment on the spot. /
! put the bill In my pccket-book. That night
With the 3 ! had il change ] enjoyed q
/ glorious dinner and a good seat at the
/ theater- Then l went home and slept the
l sleep OF the satisfied. That act | have
headed Anticipation for you can't con-
ceive what ] didn't expect to do with that
$50"
Yes; hat act must have been especial
/ ly pleasing to you" said some one. i
/ suppose you lost the bill. after alp
/ Nothing so common as that" cOntin-
ued the playwright, for act II discovers me
at breakfast on Sunday morning with the
/ bill still safe in my possession. After
working an hour or two / determined %
/ treat myself to a princely repast and
with that purpose took a car TO One Hun
! dred and Twenty-fifth street; live in the
/ Eighties, you know. After regaling my
self with all sorts Of deIlcacies, which
washed down with a bottle Of wine. lit
| cigar and called for the bill. IL amount
! ed 10 $40. / threw the flfty-dollar bin
| down carelessly on the table, as IL / was
| used to such trifes. and the waiter went
| FOR change. Presently he returned with
| the manager. The latter was most polite
and apolOgetic. He was extremely sorry.
/ hut they were quite unable 10 change a
/ bill or that large amount at that moment
! Had not something smaller? / felt IN
+ my pockets as bluff, but knew perfect
/ ~ well that j hadn't a cent besides, and
/ | told him so. There was a pause, while
ne looit6d me up and down, and then,
/ thinking 20 allay my perturbation, which
| was more apparent than real, said: You
needn't worry, sir. Any time will do
4 VIII you please give me your name and
address, i handed him my card, and ne
\ bowed me out of the restaurant.
confess / was half amused and half
I frightened. and didn't know whether TO
/ look on that fifty-dOllar bill as a bugaboo
or not However l determined 10 have
I another try and If necessary, fifty more
| tries 10 change H. ] then walked into a
/ cigar store called for two cigars, bit the
/ end OF one, III it, and threw the bill on
1 the counter. The face of the man behind
] the counter when he examined the blll was
1 a study. He looked al me and then al the
/ bill again and said abruptly II can't
change that: / explained 1t was all l
/ had. He sighed as he saw me putting the
| cigar l had just taken up and said. We'll.
/ let IL go. suppose you'll be passing here
again soon? l assured him / would and
| then walked out
| 81 felt now as If a cordial would not be
/ out OF place, so with the laudable inten-
/ ton of drinking creme de menthe and
| making another attempt TO get my bill
| changed, ! strolled into hotel on Seventh
| avenue. ! met the same fate here. for
| though / had the drink craved for, | still
| possessed the bill intact and was under
further obligation.
"As this creme de menthe tasted dis
| tinctly mOre-ish / tried another al a sa-
loon in Eighth avenue, which / swallowed
/ before rendering payment. Again did |
| lind my credit good, though You perceive
| l never asked once to be treated.
| 'As the two cordials seemed to satisfy
/ me ! was struck with a sudden fit OF gem
/ erOsity, or, shall / say unselfishness? A
/ candy store was handy, and as my peo-
pie were by the seashore, / thought 10 send
| my sister large box Of chocolates. / en-
tered the store chose the candies, and or
dered the box TO be sent 10 a hotel at At
| lantic City. | waited till the package was
| done up, and after writing the address,
| once more threw down the bill. The man
| din't know whether TO smile or 10 cry but
| il ended up in the same sweet way.
was TO pay when i passed that way again.
| "By this time / was beginning to be the
| least bit sick of this bill business eSpe-
/ cially as a hOrrid idea struck me that
/ the bill might be a bad one, in which case
| I realized my summary finish. l treasured
| myself, however, as its genuineness must
have been tested, for Ii had passed through
| good many hands. Determining, there
| fore, 10 dismiss the existence of the bill
| from my thoughts. l walked down Eighth
/ avenue thinking Of new plot which i
had in mind. So engrossed was l In the
details that 1 inadvertently hailed a car,
| got on il, and never considered for a me-
| ment my position until the conductor
came around for the fares. | stared at
| IN have to get off. I've only got fifty
| dollar BILL The man stopped the car,
| and as l stepped down he viciously rang
the bell twice and said in loud voice,
| What tell are you giving me?
| Il suppose any sane person would have
/ now given up the game as useless
| didn't, for / was pretty nearly insane,
/ and | was more than ever determined
| 10 change that bill. Another hotel doomed
| in the distance. ! would put bold face
on. explain the matter, and ask them TO
| do their best for me. / did. | went
| straight 10 the manager, explained the
| circumstances, showed him the bill, and
| offered TO buy a dollars worth of any,
/ thing in the house If ne would change it.
| He smiled and said he was quite unable
| TO do so, but expressed his willingness 10
! help me on my way il I needed IT, l sank
my pride and asked for the loan of five
cents for car fare. He handed me quar-
| ter ImpulSiVely, i offered TO treat him 10
/ a drink. He declined with thanks, telling
me he would accept when / returned the
| loan
| Red in the face and out of temper, /
| boarded the first car I came across, and
! stood outside smoking savagely. The
| conductor must have noticed my demean-
1 or, for he ventured 10 ask me what the
| matter was. i told him, and added that
| il seemed absolutely impossible TO get a
l so bill changed in this COMPOUNDED city
on Sunday. l had no sooner made this
\ remark than a curious-looking. under
1 sized colored man, whom | had not no
/ ticed before, but who was standing also
| outside, interrupted blandly with, 1 think
l can accommodate you. And I'm blest
| II he didn't pull out a roll of bills big
| enough TO choke a goat, and count out
/ four tens, one five, one two, and three
one-dollar bills, apologizing at the same
| time that he had no smaller change. De
1 spite A4lS GO4pif NOu4O nave lDiaEti
| him, but as the car had now reached my
| street, l simply thanked him effusNely,
| and almost ran home. That act l duh
| Realization You can count on your fin
| gers how many things l realized that
| Sunday on the credit Of my face"
Suppose you found the dsrky's bills
were forgeries?' hazarded one Of his lis
| teners.
Net on your life. They, one and all
were as good as gold. Act No III won't
be so interesting 10 you, perhaps, but
you'll find II instructive, and may help
you further 10 digest that good old prov.
| erb, Honesty IS the best policy ! go,
up early the next morning, and went U
| 10 125Ib street again. / saw the manager
| Of the restaurant and paid my Jill. He
! was delighted and insisted on treating
! me- The cigar man nearly had a At
and was generosity itself with present
| Of a good cigar The Seventh avenue no
/ tel man thanked me, the saloon keeper
/ added another drink to what / aad al
1 ready had, the candy man asked me "a
take sample Of some extra fine comflts