The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1900-07-28
Teddy's Flying Trip Through the
"Sunf1ower State" and How Hanna
Called Him Down.

Teddy's Flying Trip Through the
Sunfiower State" and How Hanna
Called Him Down.
Correspondence of the Democratic Advocated
PORTLAND, MAINE, July 49, 1900.
Says Teddy to himself, need a vacation. am
tired of being bossed around by tom Platt." and
as western railroad offered me free fare If would
don myself out in my Rough Rider suit and stand
out on the platform the train passed the cities
en- route, and wave a banner with the railroad ad-
vertisement thereon and say something about being
candidate for vice president. the railroad manager
thought they could afford to haul me free. provided
shoveled coal for the engine between stations.
So / accepted the job as you know Your Own
Teddy" never refuses anything. Well. we were
spinning along speech making. Sc. when one day
was summoned to the Long Distance Telephone.
| says Hellol who is thisf stern voice on the
other end, from Mark Hanna. who says Hello Is
this you Teddy? / says yes, Mark. What the hello
do you mean by talking so wild about war, &c. Are
you not that this election is no ream, that
we have all the fight we want at hom e to win the
election this fall. with the chances decidedly against
us Put a cork in your mouth and keep 1t closed;
come to Cleveland at once until can put paddock
on your mouth like my office boy, VIM. Mckinley.
See how nice have him trained. He only flew"
the coop once, when he said something about
plain Duty" once in his message about Porto Rico.
But he took it all back the next day and said it was
only one of his jokes; that he did not mean word
of it. Just then the telephone was switched of.
So Teddy goes to Cleveland meets Mark Hanna
Here is part of the conversation overheard
Now Teddy you must take off that Rough Rider
suit and broad brmmed hat and don I talk such
nonsense and at such random. as you will ruin us"
says Mark
81 can never stand for this" says Teddy" THE
idea of the Governor of the Empire State knuekling
to a cattle buyer in politics. never" says Teddy.
Don't be too hasty, says Mark. Why did you not
spring the l6 TO Oh them and tell them the coun-
try would go to wreck and that Bryan was an an
archist, &c.
That is Just what did give them and they all
guyed me until got red in the face, says Teddy.
They kept on giving me the laugh and asked me If
| took them for set of "Jay Hawkers," and that
about the only part of the country that the 10 10
would hurt would be you, Mark, and your gang If
you had to buy many votes this year as you olo
in 1896 They kept hurting such remarks as this at
me and kept on giving me the laugh SO much, and
l was so embarrassed. At last some cowboy says
wave your big hat Teddy and dazzle your suit and
dance around rag time one of those twice one Is
two step dance This good advice, as it set the
crowd to laughing and gave me a chance 10 sneak
ing me- Now If 1 am to abandon my big hat and
Rough Riding suit, says Teddy. the jig is up, and
my show will be no good because am u failure at
vote-getting by making speeches. Look at my trip
through Maryland when Il toured for Gov. Lowndes.
1t makes no difference, says Mark the suit must
CO. You must be dude to lend dignity to our
monarchial form of government which we are try
ing TO shove the people in the U. s. 1t won't be
safe for to make any speeches outside OF Mime
sofa, Pennsylvania and Vermont, says Teddy. This
is too much for the Governor of New York to be
bossed around in this way. Father Piatt is not III
it with you. Mark Give me my hat. says Teddy,
must be going. Your hat has Just blown out of the
window, says Mark. l know you are a stubborn
boy Teddy but let me plead with you that it is not
safe for you to venture out. There is Democratic
whirlwind passing over the country. If you vent
ure out you will be swept of your feet like your hat
was blown away just moment ago bya Democratic
gale that is getting in shape for November ONO
will be very stormy place this fall. almost wish
l lived somewhere else, says Mark, confdentially.
This is something terrible Teddy, am afraid the
old ship is leaking.
The Democrats never before in their history put
forward such an American policy in their platform
1t appeals TO them in such a common sense way,
Teddy, that the people are on to us and we can't
fim-fam them as we have in the past. We don't
N-
S. 900 Jobs says Mark. Look at Webster Davis. AS
sstant Secretary of the Interior and host OF others
drifting from us. If it keeps up at this rate, says
Mark, we can't even hold Mckinley in line, he will
be voting for the Democrats by election day.
will call him up by phone says Mark. Hello!
is this Canton? Is Mckinley in? Yes, It's me- says
Mack.
have surprise for you. Mack, says Mark. For
four years you have been my office boy now
want to- promote you to be my secretary. Will
send down delegation composing OF Henry Cab
bage Lodge Cornbeef Bliss. Charles Emergency
Smith and others to inform you of your nomination
to the position There of course will be some news
paper reporters around jolly them along, give them
all they want to drink (send bill TO mel and make
them think you are the Real Thing" and that you
| are really running for president. OF course you
know will be president, but this is confidential, II
must get into the papers, because you well know
| that the public know me so well that could not
| be elected constable in my ward You know we
will divide the money in treasury among US II there
isany left after the Ship Subsidy (SteaD Bill Is
passed. That is all at present. so goodbye, MACK.
Just minute Mark, says Mack. How am to give
the boys their beer, &c. will have some deacons
and preachers to tea ON the day the delegation come
down and you know what a roasting l Will get.
This Philippine Roast is about all can stand at
present So what am to do? That is easy says
Mark Do like they do down in Prohibition Maine
Serve the beerin tea pot and give the guestsa cup
and saucer that will wax ''em," says Mark, and
they will all leave in good humor Jolly them
along feed them on saur kraut and cabbage or any
thing you have you want to get rid of. but don't
make any speeches. If you will do this Mack all
will be well for awhile at least. will send some
one down to sod your yard, Mack, so don't worry
If they trample the grass down in your yard as you
have home in Washington until next March. ther
We win all go up Salt River, so it makes no "neve
minds" says Mark.
Just then made noise. being cramped into suci
close quarters in Mark Hanna's office while over
hearing his talk over the phone, &c.
Marks keen ear and eagle eye heard and espiet
. me, and said I was one of those cruel Democrat
who was going TO help to slaughter him this fall
l said l was and that the majority of the peopl
thought likewise. and that they could not fool tn
people any longer; that they were getting thei
, eyes open and that he, Mark, would be driving ON
of his coal carts next year instead of bossing tn
} occupant of the White House. This made him mao
so he threw me out the Office. Thus ends my story
SAM SCRoG6Ns
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