The daily journal. (Salem, Or.) 1899-1903, 1900-02-12
Nu Birtidau Umbrella
An Amusing Sketch Showing the
Difficulty Of Working
New Patent.

Dlftnuay year. SUSAN lutenucu W Cei-
ebrate the event by giving me pres
ent. Susan is my wife. We had been
married a year, but fortune had not
smiled upon us, and we were terribly
hard up. Consequently Susan's spend
ing capacity was limited
She was going to buy me an umbrel-
la. The present was saved up for and
talked about n good deal before the
ausplcous day. We went to the shop
together to secure the gift.
Susan's idea OF the amount TO be ex-
pended - heaven bless her was,
think, about $l.50. The keeper OF the
umbrella shop looked panied and con-
cerned at the Idea of respectable Gus
toners daring to purchase one Of his
cheap ginghams.
He had a $3.50 article, now. a really
decent thing.
We saw Il. The handle was very
plain. II did not please Susan so much
as that of n SO one produced slmulta-
neously. There was no pushing to
open 1.-THE thing was a patent. There
was no fumbllng In n shower Of rain
to open this umbrella. one had only to
release little spring In the handle and
the umbrella opened itself half way.
This last luxury completely won over
Susan. The bargain was clinched.
We left the shop arm In arm, Susan
proud and Joyous that she had been
able to make me "such a beautiful
birthday present"-one 30 much nicer
than she had at first Intended.
On the way the elements. as II bent
on pleasing Susan. sent us sharp
shower OF rain. Her eyes dIlated with
pleasure and triumph as she produced
the umbrella.
"Let me open itr she cried vlvacious-
ly as the ralndrops came pattering
down. She touched the spring. and, 10!
the umbrella partly opened OF Its own
accord. How ingenious! To run II up
20 the top OF the stick was the work OF
second, and we sheltered snugly un.
der its ample canopy, side 10y side. arm
In arm.
The rain descended In torrents. We
had not far 10 go. The district railway
station was only 100 yards ahead. Yet.
before we arrived there. the silk OF the
umbrella was soaked through and
through by the deluge. We were just
In time for train, with half minute
to spare. We did not trouble to shut
the umbrella down until well inside the
ticket office.
The thing would not shut. Susan de-
clared II was because ! did not under
stand the patent. She begged me TO
leave Il TO her while | got the tickets.
squeezed my way TO the ticket office,
paid the fares and returned TO find
Susan stIll struggling. We had not a
moment TO spare.
tackled the umbrella myself, edging
meanwhile toward the staircase. The
wretched thing would not go down. no
matter how | coaxed IT,
Susan was now at the gate, advising
me TO deslst from my struggles In the
gangway. saying II would be perfectly
easy TO get the thing down on the plat
form. The train was at a standstlll. all
the passengers had jumped In. lnclud-
ing Susan. who urged and encouraged
me 10 more frantic efforts. standing In
side the door OF a carriage. while | re-
malned wrlthlng upon the platform.
"Step In there! Step In there" cried
the guard.
stepped in. still clngIng to the han
die OF the open abomlnation. Susan
was purple with agitation. | managed
by a dexterous maneuyer TO get the
handle OF the umbrella through the
window and shut the door, leaving the
open canopy spread over the window.
What little light there was was thus
prevented penetrating the dim Interior
Of the carriage.
Here, I say, put that umbrella
DOWN. came a voice from the plat
form. AS II | hadn't been trying tol
Was | not trying at that very moment
with all my might
The door was wrenched foreibly open
with a Jerk. which shot me out on TO
the platform. Susan was compelled TO
Jump out after me. and there we were
on the platform. already late, left be-
hind. with the obnoxious thing wide
open. dripping wet and obstinate as
ever. The train steamed out Of the
station.
"The next one will be In Is min
ptes! cried Susan. half In tears. "You
can shut the thing now, surely! There
Is plenty Of time Don't fuss. And
poor Ted will be waiting on the door
step In the pouring rain. with no one
70 let him in."
Everything was tried, short OF jump
lag upon the confounded thing but all
70 no purpose.
I'VE shall have TO leave II In the
clOakroOm. George" she cried. Leave
Il Just as II is. Don't break H. You
can fetch Il tomorrow" she suggested.
We explained the difficulty TO the
cloakrOom porter. who, with much
muscle and even less Ingenuity than
ourselves. attempted the Impossible
feat OF closing the horror.
"You must fetch that umbrella" said
Susan on the following day. "rhe por-
ters might do some damage 10 Il In
that clOakrOOm."
The surly clOakrOOm porter recogniz'
ed me. There was an open umbrella
just as I had left IL, standing in a cor
ner.
why. haven't you shut the thingT
4 exclaimed testify