The St. Louis Republic. [volume] (St. Louis, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1900-10-21
FUNNIEST
ANIMAL
Of I'LL.

AAL INNS stbONI
animals. but the funniest animal ! know
anything abouts a mar.
There was a fellow came in here ore
day. and went into the wineTooin there
and sat down and ordered a cocktail. Well,
I took i; to him.. and didn't think anything
further about 1t until I went IN 10 get the
glasses. and he ordered another one. Well.
that was all right. too. / didn't care how
many he ordered. just So lon; as he could
pay for EN-
The funny part of IL all was. though, he
was still sitting thcrs when julius came on
watch. and julie told me mex, morning that
he hadn't moved Of bis chair, not once, In
all that time. Just bought cocktails and
drank 'em: that's all he done. julie said.
We'll. | thought that was kind OF funny
and l went in TO see IL there was anything
the matter with him. But there wasn't
nothing more the matter with him than
With you or me or any one OF us.
he said he was a pictorial sign painter,
and he told me about a funny sign he seen
the day before up on Washington avenue,
near Nineteenth. He said there was a sign
there with a picture Of the Maine, with all
her steam up. and coming right at you, and
lie said she wasn't half a block away from
the shore. where the water couldn't he more
than three feet deep at the most, and all
the people on shore. he said. was just stand
Ing stil and doing nothing but looking like
wooden dummies.
He seemed to think It was awfuily fun
ny. cause he just sat there ard chuckIed.
And then he went on ordering cocktails
and paying for EN- And he never moved
once of his chair all that day.
"When / came down the next morning
julie said he'd been there all the time ard
had ordered. on an average. about three
cocktails ON hour and drank EN- Where
he put EN- all I don't know.
julie told some OF the s:ereotypers that
come in here every morning after they're
through work about It. and they must have
told their friends. because all the third day
people kept coming in TO take a look at
him.
The fourth Gay the reporters began to
come, and one or two Of 'em wrote him I'D
In the papers. I believe. I've got one OF tn.
pieces they printed at the time somewhere
around home, 1 don't know where. but I'll
look it up soma time when I think OF It and
bring it down to show you I amt lying.
Course they wrote him up for = 'mys-
terry and he was a sure enough mystery 70
me. at that. How any man could sit on one
chair and drink cocktails for four days and
four nights was what I couldu' UNDER
stand. But he done II.
Finally I began to get scared. and ] went
I'm and asked him didn't he think he'd better
be going home-or somewhere. But he only
ordered another cocktail. and. when I
brought II, he asked NE IL I was trying TO
get rid OF him, and didn't I want his Gus
tom?
Well. what could I say? It's true he
drank an awful lot Of cocktails IN them four
days But he paid for 'em. and I didn't see
very well how | could throw him out.
Finally he asked me IL I didn't think is
WAS pretty near time for the house TO treat
once.
"Ac first / didn't know what to say, but I
mixed him up d cocktail and told him il was
on me-
And then he told me about a sign
painter he knew once who had 10 paint =
marine scene and put some Holsters and
Rpl IN nrrl HIM nv = hD-sGh Ha liz
the fellow wasn't quite sure about the anat-
cmy of the lobster. 81 he got u picture OF
one off a can and got hfs marine scene done
up, as he thought. bully. He said them red
Holsters backing around on the beach just
put the right dash Of color in the picture.
That's what seemed 10 make q hit with
the cocktail man. l thought he'd die laugh
ing as he went out the door.
"But Just thinki -Four days and -four
nights. never moving OF Of one chair. AMI
drinking Cocktails all the time"
DICK WOOD.