Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-10-03

their IdhilllaTit! WITH EnSiSn Sp2illnS,
construction. moods and lenses and the
result is often amusing in the eXt1cme
For instance, one is amazed to see III
Tokio a sign that boldly announces
TAILOR CUT TO ORDER.
Another one informs us
PHOTOGRAPHERS EXECUTED HERE
A halter in Kobe announces that he sells
GENERAL SORT STRAW HAT,
and another informs the public, that he is IL
DEALER NEWANDSTILISHST
WILL MAKE TO ORDER.
Some of the signs really seem to suggest
needed English words, like
BUTCHERY AND PROVISIONS
Why not butchery?" Another tells us that
SOFT GOODS.
He does not mean soft drinks either, but
soft WOODEN goods. A baker tells us that
he keeps
BAKETRY
Another sign which / daily passed for near
~ a week told the world that within dwelt
THE INVENTOR OF KOBE,
though what he invented, or when, or why.
deponent saith not. merchant in Osaka
has hung out his shingle with supertiuous
articles, az follows:
PATENT THE CHARCOAL PATENT
THE POCKET STOVE.
The conjunctions are almost as difficult
for the average sign painter to master.
Consequently he sometimes tells the world
HOUSE SHIP AND PAINTER,
or that within there is for sale
SHOTTINGAN POWDER AND.
A glance at the rifles. shotsuns and pow
der horns within makes the sign plain.
The Century.
1t was in Edinburgh, and she was
pretty and sweet and poetic. and he was
young and mischievous. They were sit
nd in,
light, and she grew ethereal. oh how
/ love to sit out here in the moonlight"
she cooed; ito be famed by the languor
Gus perfumes Of the roses and TO be
kissed by the soft airs from the South
Then he kissed her and she grew indig-
nant. How dare you?' She almost
sobbed. Why, I'm a soft heir from the
South" he replied contritely She didn't
say anything when he kissed her again.
London Tit-Bits.
The peril of the moment is the Small
HOnorS' men. When ArtemuS Ward
was in London he had the following CON
versation with the landlord of the inn d,
which he was staying:
is the strange being an American?'
He is
a general:''
"A colonel:'
a major?'
Not a major.
"A captainT'
He is not
Not even that. hen-decisiveIy-he
is not an American.
On the continent they now employ q
similar process TO discover whether a
visitor is an Englishman.
rs the stranger a X. c. B.?
No"
rs he X. c. S. I.?'
Is he X: Gil ?"
rs he X. c. V. OF"
No
is he X: c. NJ. G.?''
He is not
Not even X c. NJ. G.. Then he is
certainly not an Engiishman. London
Truth.
Here is Georgia boys composition
on the trouble in China: China is a
land Of heathens that would ruther wor-
ship Il wooden god that grins at you than
so to church an pay pew rent. My pa
was a missionary III China. When the
Boxers commenced to box they knocked
him out in the first round, an he lost
three fingers an a brand new hymn book
with a bookmark in it. Then he coined
home. He has still got , legs an arms
left, though the Mission board told him
that he lost his head. He says home
missions take the cake. ATLANTA Con-
StltutiOn.
Augustus Thomas is one Of the very
few American playwrights who can do
himself credit when called upon for an
impromptu speech. Mr.. Thomas repu-
tation for speeches is. however. greater
among his circle Of intimate friends than
elsewhere. An old newspaper man who
knew Mr.. Thomas in Kansas City tells
the following tale illustrative OF this
point:
When the Warder Grand Opera
house in Kansas City was first built
Booth and Barrett We're billed as the
opening attra ctlOn. The contract re-
qured that the theater be opened on
certain day and a heavy cash penalty
was provided for each days delay. In
spite Of this the building was far from
ready for the first night. but to avoid
the penalty il was decided to open at all
events
Fires were built in the basement to
warm the house, and tarpaulin was
stretched above to serve as a roof. One
set of scenery was all that could be
found, and at the last moment it was
remembered that q speech of apology
was due to the audience.
The cOlored man who was fishing in
he river at Mobile had just one poor lit
tie fish to show for his catch, and as he
held It up to view l hoped him better
luck next time.
Oats all right. white man." he re-
piled, as he put the fish in his pocket
1T don't weigh over fo' ounces. an I'Ze
spent de hull afternoon, but wild dat fish
in my hand / kin go home an make de
old woman believe dat one wcighin' ten
pounds dun got off my hook an will be
waitin' round fer me tomorrer.''-
cvinnati Commercial Tribune.
At a term Of the circuit court in one
of the upriver counties. not long ago. a
horse case was on trial. and q we'll
known horseman was called as Il wit
ness.
We'll. sir. you saw this horse?'' said
the defenoant's counsel.
Yes, sir, | -
''What did you do?'