The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1900-06-18
LUNCH
How MIR. Smith Met
His Match.
A Pompous Little Man Overwhelmed
by Geyser Flow o.
Oratory.

| lunch room. The little man with the
round waistcoat that always goes with
pomposity didn't understand the rules
| of the place. Therefore he sat and
| fumed long and furiously, because no.
| body came to wait on him. Having
| resorted to denunciatory grafton. he
| was informed by the polite but busy
waiter that 1T was customary for those
who didn't want to starve to death in
| land OF plenty to arise and hustle for
themselves. At first the man didn't
believe this, but when he observed two
gentlemen expertly balancing plates of
sandwiches upon their appraised hands
while they skilfully poured coffee on
the coat tails of another man who was
blocking their way, he decided that it
would be best to seek sustenance on his
own account.
Arising from his chair he marked it's
place accurately. next but one to the
wall in the second row from the win
dow. Then he sailed forth and obtain
ed with the aid of the waiting maid
ems sundry alleged edibles and a cup of
fluid that exuded from an urn marked
Tea. 1t may be stated parentheti-
cally that any man who will drink tea
N,
gem and spoils. While the little man
was collecting these curios a pallid
and solemn individual in a funeral hat
descended upon the chair next but one
to the wall in the second row from the
window 1t was the only vacant seat
in the vicinity. The newcomer placidly
deposited his funeral hat in it and went
off on foraging tour. 1t is the custom
of the place for patrons to reserve
chairs by placing their hats therein.
Being frequenter of the catch-as-
catch-can restaurant he amassed his
lunch with swiftness and was back at
the place whence he started at the very
moment when the little man. laden
with cups and saucers and plates and
knives and forks and sandwiches and
sausages and hard boiled eggs and oys-
ters fried in batter and pie and con-
coctions of meringue and raisin cakes
and slivers of cheese and such straw
berries as he had contrived to keep
within the dish, and assorted crackers
arrived. He had gone into the thing
with the ardor of the true collector
Both men started to unload upon the
broad arm of the chair. No sooner
had the sOmbre man leaned over to
deposit his modest two-for-five buns
and his cup of coffee than he was all
but transfixed by a fiery glare from
the eyes of the little person.
That is my chair said that per-
sonage. putting out his breast like al
enraged pigeon.
With show of profound interest the
other. still holding his edibles, bent
a nd nir1nd he
chair infinitely. Then he stretched al
abnormal neck and swept the back q
the article of furniture with a compre-
hensive glance.
What are you doing, sir?" demand
ed the little man. viewing his perform
ance with angry distrust.
Il am looking for the label" replied
the solemn individual in hollow tones.
DO you mean to insult me? How
dare you, sir? How dare you?"
Il don't know, I'm sure" replied the
solemn man in tones of mournful meek
ness. Il suppose it's my devilish reck-
lessness. How dare I what?"
How dare you-er-er-er-a act that way
sir?" spluttered the angry little man
"Oh! Why you said this was your
chair, you know and 1 was looking for
the LABEL
With several separate bangs the 9TH
er sat down each article of his burden
and turned a purple face upon his new
and unpromising acquaintance.
rs that your hat?" he thundered.
pointing to the curious headgear on
the seat of the chair.
Yes, that is my hat. Don't you like
II" inquired the solemn man with
very evidence of poignant anxiety.
Take 1t away! Take 1t up at once,"
He don't like it," said the owner of
the hat miserably, addressing the in
terested public. HE don't like my hat.
l paid 81 for that hat 1t isn't very
new. 1 know, but it's highly respect
able. Is 1t the band to which you OBJ
ject, kind sir?"
Never mind, sir. Never mind.
Take 1t away at once from my chair.
This Is an outrage, a damnable out
rage"
oh, really, you shouldn't, you know.
protested the other in hurt tones. And