The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1900-02-02
AZ EAL 10 AGUINALDo.
A Kansas Editor Holds Out Indueementl
70 the Tagalo Chiefdan 70 Become
q Citizen OF This Country.

EPocahontas. kan Stsr.l
Aguinaldo, you do not know what a /
good thing you are missing By not
wanting to become q citizen Of this /
grand country OF ours. There isn't /
anything else like it under the sun.
You ought to send q delegation over
here to see US. This land Of the free; /
this land of churches and 100000 IL /
censed saloons, bibles, forts and guns; /
houses Of prayer, the miliOnaires and I
paUpers, theOlogians and thieves, lib /
ertines and liars, Christians and chain
gangs, politicians and poverty, schools,
prisons, scalaWags, trusts and tramps,
virtue and vice.
We offer you the free blessings Of a
land where men with three wives are
! sent to congress and others with twice
that many women" are appointed to
cabinet positions; where the bloody
shirt is waved at home, and slavery
recognized in our Colonial dependen-
encies;" where the flag is upheld by
national pride to be raised over polyg-
amous harems Of the sultan of Sulu,
/ by highly moral and deeply religious
chief executive; where young men
ruin girl and then cut her head off,
where We make bologna sausage out Of
dogs and canned beef out of sick COWS,
mules and horses, and, corpses out Of
those people that eat it; where we put
a man in Jail for not having the means
of support, and on the rock pile if he
is out Of a job.
Here We have a congress Of 400 men
to make laws and a supreme court of
nine men to set them aside; where
good whiskey makes bad men and
bad men make good whiskey; where
newspapers are paid for sUppressing
the truth and are made rich for telling
a lie; where professors in colleges draw
their convictions and salaries from the
same source; where preachers are paid
from $1,000 to $4,000 a year to dodge
the devil and tickle the ears Of the
wealthy; where it's business to get hold
of property in any way that don land
you in the penitentiary.
Here the trusts will hold you up and
poverty viii hold you down; where
men vote for what they do not want
for fear they viii not get what they
want by voting for it; where women
wear false hair and men dock their
horses tails; where men vote for a
thing one day and swear about it the
other 364 days in the year; where we
have prayers on the floor Of the nation
al capitol and Whiskey in the basement;
where We spend 5000 to bury a cong
ressman and SO to put away a IabOrer
who is poor; where the government
pays an army officers widow 5000
year and a poor private who faced the
shot and shell sI44 a year with insinu-
atoms that he is a government pauper
and burden because he lives.
Here to be virtuOusis to be lonesome;
where to be honest is to be called a
crank; where we sit on the safety valve
Of conscience and pull wide open the
throttle Of energy; where gold is wOr-
shipped and belief in God is used as a
waste basket for better thought and
good resolutions; where we pay S15 for
a dog and 10 cents to a poor woman for
making a dozen shirts; where we teach
the auntutored Indian" the way of
eternal life and then kill him with bad
booze"
Here We put a man in prison for
stealing a loaf of bread and send
man to congress for stealing bank or
railroad; where check-bOoks talk and
sin stalks in broad daylight; where jus
/ tice sleeps, crime runs amuck, cor
ruption permeates the social fabric
and Satan laughs on every street cor
Der.
Come to US Aguinaldol We've got
one of the grandest sggregations of
good things, big and little, big thinge
and hard things Of all sizes, varieties
and cOIors ever exhibited under one
tent. Send your delegation and we
will prove all these things for truths.
P. S-Perhaps you better come
along too. Bev, who was over to see
your folks last year, has just discover
I ed that the declaration written by I.
Jefferson has expired by statute limit
alton and that the constitution IS sir
relevant Bev- seems to be well &C
qusinted with the Lord and hints that
We have a commission under God to do
| business for you.
Lyman is still some on the excheqUer.
He's found out how to sell your cake
and eat it too; he viii sell you a custom
house and give you back the money
and post you how to avoid taxation by
| q nar- nronass nalIad $500