Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-05-09

can't expect that lords and dukes and
presidents will order second plate Of
them until they realize that II won't
affect their social positions; got to
look out for social prestige. you know.
started. and the public won't stop to
ask whether our dletaries are made
of fish. flesh or coco mating, First
thing Is to warrant them to cure indl;
gestion. torpid liver and all that. They
are spring and fall tonic. All sing
ers. actresses and athletes use them;
testimonials from professors. actors.
clergymen and thousands Of others,
and all family doctors recommend
them above everything else. And there
you are, my. boy; there you are, and
let me shake hands with you again."
But the book. major. The price In
calf is'-
"And you are to be our purchasing
agent and buy our raw material Diet.
ary snusages t-ill be made in several
different lengths and sizes, and we
shall use beef. pork. mutton, fish and
what not; everything to be bought
alive and killed in our own slaughter
houses and hashed up with our own
knives. You attend to the buying and
| attend to the frying. Millions of
dollars will pass through your hands
every year. but we shall trust to your
honesty: salars $4,000 per year at
least, and you come In on the ground
floor for stock. just lack $40 to meet
the expenses Of organization. and I'll
borrow II of you for Il day or two.
We shall capitalize at S5.000000. but
probably increase to S15,000,000 inside
of a year. And what Is the name.
please?"
MY name IS Taylor" slowly replied
the canvasser. "but have no $40 to
put into your scheme. I'm selling the
Life of Napoleon 1t is printed from
new. large type. illustrated BY
"Yes, we will call it the Great Amer
lean Dietary Sausage company" inter-
rupted the major, land as purchasing
agent We'll deposit S500,000 to your
credit to start on; salary to be paid
weekly or monthly, just as you elect,
and the dividends on the stock to come
quarterly. l need $40 to see my way
clear, but f you can't spare that sum
give me S.. And there you are, sir;
there you are"
"But haven't got So"
Don't neglect this golden opportuni-
ty, my dear contemporary; don't do 1t.
The man who invented the Welsh rab
bit made $3,000,000 and lived to be 90
years old. Angel cake brought its in
ventor S1,000.000 while he lived and a
monument IN feet high after death.
HolIy poky ice cream won't be In 1t
with dietary sausage, Peanut brittle
and lobster salad have already gone to
the rear Why. sir, any moment tele-
graph boy may come in with tele-
gram from the president reading: Con
gratulations on your dietary; have
only eaten one barrel and am sure l
shall be renominated. Send another
by express The very next mail will
probably bring unsolicited testimonials
from dozen actresses aud four or five
senators. 1t is needless for me to tell
you that delays are dangerous. Time,
tide and the dietary sausage wait for
no man. If you haven't got SIS. I'll try
and make So do. Leave your name
and $3." ar
1.-The Life of Napoleon -
"Never mind the Life Of Napoleon
my boy. Napoleon was great man,
but Major Crofoot wasn't on earth
then. We are not delving in the past,
but digging into the future. Where
Napoleon made 500 you'll make S5.-
000. Let others conquer the world by
force Of arms IL they will. but we'll
conquer it by force of dietary sau-
sage. You've certainly got So about
you. want to get the organization
perfected today"
mered the canvasser as he exhibited
the bill.
"Well. Pll take 1t and make 1t go as
far as it WILL" replied the major as
the greenback changed hands. You'll
feel safer for having invested money
In the enterprise. Stock will be ready
In about two weeks. and as soon as
we can erect and equip n factory
you'll begin purchasing stock. Yes,
I'll make the dollar do. and you'd bet
ter begin posting up on meats. When
we once get started"-
"But came up here to sell you this
book!"
"When we once get started, well
use up at least 1000 tons per week
and you must be able to tell at q
glance whether the meat Is juicy
enough for our purpose. That's all
and there you are. and III send fol
you when the papers are ready to be
signed. | think Wen make the ground
floor price ON stock 90 cents. but maybe
we can scale that figure down little
| At any rate. there you are. and yor
can have every confidence thai youl
canyGssing days are ended Turn Il
the right please. and good day-gocf
day"
"But listen minute. came up her;
TO sell you
I "And don't give nie awa5-cort d'
It," cautioned the majac as lie pushed
| his caller along. Just keep nun, ant
saw wood until our patent is secured
and then we'll JUMP on the ''tol'
world win both feet and ooom diatarl
sausage oven 10 the drawing rroms d
| royalty Ground floor $4,000 pc,
year golden opportunity. Don't mis-
! it."
A Minute later the canvasser fount
/ himself Oh The street, and .Shen ne W.
/ asked ynat had ;appened lhu that h,