West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1900-11-22
Mr.. BOWSER'S
TRlBULATIONS.
He Gets Another Whirl at the Bike,
But the Machine Doesn't
Surrender.

wv ing dinner the other evening
a package was left at the
door, and as they adjourned from
the table to the family sitting room
Mr.. Bowser opened it and brought
forth sweater, a pair of knee
pants, a belt and pair of bicycle
shoes and stockings.
''Who are they for ?" asked Mrs.
Bowser, as he displayed the articles
with smile of satisfaction.
"They won't fit you, and didn't
buy them for the cook" he replied.
''But if they are for you, what on
earth do you want of 'em Three
different times within the last two
years have you almost killed your
self trying to ride bike. You will
never,be able to do it if you live to
be thousand years DID,"
"Won't III And why not,
please ? Am I the only person in
the United States who can't learn
to ride wheel ?"
"You--you are too fat" she
protested-ftoo fat, and your legs
are too short. You are what they
call clumsy. | don't say it to hurt
your feelings, but you"
Exactly, Mrs. Bowser," he
interrupted, al understand your
motive. You don't want to hurt
my feelings, but you do want to
convey the impression that am an
old rhinoceros on wheels or an
elephant on skates. l thank you
very much and will remember it of
you !"
''But you have tried the bike and
been almost killed"
"In careless, casual way have
tried the bike, / tried it as novelty,
and not for my health. had no
interest or ambition. Odds was the
difference to me if / ran up tree
or over an ice wagon. My failures.
were not failures. l simply fell off
the bike and stayed Off"
"And is it your health this time ?"
she asked.
Purely a question of health,
Mrs. Bowser. / am going to ride
the bike TO save doctor and drug
store bills. Brown has kindly
volunteered the use of his wheel.
and | have joined the Zephyr club.
We take our first spin this evening.
Each spin saves a doctors bill.
Have you anything more to say ?"
Nothing more"
"Then I'll go upstairs and get
into this suit"
Ten minutes later he came down
rugged out as Zephyr. Mrs.
Bowser was annoyed and perturbed,
but when she caught sight of him,
she had TO laugh. II was as if a
bicycle suit had been put on a cider
barrel. The cat came in from the
back yard and took one look at the
zephyr and then made dive under
the lounge.
Something seems to appeal to
your sense of humor," sternly re-
marked Mr.. Bowser, as he sat
down to put on MS shoes.
81 was thinking Of zephyrs," re-
piled Mrs Bowser, as she choked
back a laugh.
FVery kind of you, and you
shall be rewarded in due time.
might have known jus, how you
would act about it. Whenever the
question Of my health comes up,
you are so set and obstinate that
only one conclusion can be reached.
You long to be a widow"
81 hadn't heard that there was
anything wrong with your health. "
''And Why hadn't you Simply
because / am one Of those men who
can suffer for years and years and
never make complaint II 7
should tell you what the doctor told
me the other day. you'd be aston b
ishcd. Perhaps il will be news TO
you TO hear that have been on the
edge Of the grave for the last three
years"
''But now you are going TO ge,
away from the edge ?"
- am.
"By running your bike into a