Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1900-09-18
CLERICAL STORIES.

CLERICAL STORIES.
HUMOROUS INCIDENTS NOTED ~ An
ENGLISH CLERGYMAN.
4 NE % IrisA nspastss TAat Rsaesr-
- Coed Hpnss-Ths Canss 81 Q
General LasuA In = Dubiin Cetbs-
Arai-An IatssrupteA sefnsn.'
IAN IrIshman Of the full blood can
not resist IN opportunity for repartee.
no matter how solemn the occasion or
what his surroundings" said IN Eng
lish clergyman. q visitor In washing-
ton, the other day. when the converss-
tion turned on the funny experiences
Of clergymen and the humor that
creeps Into matters connected with the
church.
II was assisting an old friend Of
milne, the rector Of q church In Ireland.
one Sunday. and before the service We
were In the vestry room putting on oul
robes, with the old sexton. shriveied
up freshman Of the perfect type. as
slsting. Ny friend. who was some.
what old. was little testy that morn
Ing. and somehow the sleeve Of his
surplIce got mixed up. Notwithstand-
Ing the assiduous efforts Of the old sex.
ton to direct his arm to the right hole
the two would not connect Finally,
losing patience. my friend said sharp
~: oh. the old boys In the thing
The old sexton frightened up and,
looking over at me. with a twinkle In
bis eye. said as quick as lightning. Not
ut, your rverince.'
at restored the good humor Of the
situation, and the vestment was proper.
" adjusted.
"The only time ever heard congre-
CATION laugh unrestrainedly during the
regular services In a cathedral was
back In the eighties, when was q
resident Of dear. dirty Dublin. On one
Sunday morning the bishop Of Cork
preached. He was q splendid man. m
Irishman to the backbone and possess
cd Of as fine q brogue as ever distin
guished n son Of Erin His congrcgn.
ton was made up Of khe very essence
Of fashion In Dublin. which. In those
days. was one Of the greatest socia
centers of the world. Notoriously. PEG
pie were living beyond their means, 70,
the Income from the landed estates OF
Ireland had taken q big tumble. Blu,
that made no difference. and goot
dressing went M matter OF course
and was one Of the smallest OF the ex
travagnnces. The bishop preached or
the subject Of extravaganza and spoke
particularly OF over,iressing. His ser
mon was a bitter arraignment Of the
sin Of debt and the wickedness Of set
ting the heart on fashion and dress
He attacked the ovcrdressed woman
and wound up this particular reference
this way:
"'Now. supposing every one Of ye--
every one. man and woman-shoult
stand up In this church. take OF tn,
clothes yc have not paid for, just walk
In out with the things on your back "
have paid fora pretty lookin lot Of
scarecrows yc'd be-
There was q pause until the rea
significance OF the suggestion had per
colated through the members OF hi!
congregation. then some one snickered
Every one was plcturing TO himself ant
herself the real scene that would Occur
should the bishops idea be carr,ed Int
effect. while wife looked at HUSBAND
and members Of each family NUDGE
one another The ludlcrous side wa
irresistible and the laugh was general.
81 once attended church at Whailey
a little village on the borders Of Ian
cashire and Yorkshire. In England. Tn
church. which had been n part Of tn
old abbey. was built In the year 100
and Is today one Of the most Interest
Ing sacred edifces In Great Britain
The rector was q Mr.. Whitaker, yer!
old. very stout and very deaf. He ha'
occupied the living for 30 years. ant
while he generally appeared In churcl
and took some part In the services. b
was able to afford the luxury Of a Gu
rate and was always glad 10 secure tn
services Of a friend to preach. On on
occasion a gentleman knew very wei
was to ofiiclate. II was bis custom 4
limit his sermon to 20 minutes. preach
Ing ex tempore. and always took on
his watch and his pocket handker
chief. placing them beside him befor
commencing. This he did as usual
and, finding very convenient littl'
round receptacle. stuffed the handker
chief into IL. laid the watch on top AM
fred away.
"The congregation was surprised Il
see the old rector. who was sitting a
the bottom desk of the three decker
erection. which suppose still stands
right In the center and half way dowl
the aisle-not In the chancel. as In tn
modern churches-become very uneas!
In his seat. He squirmed around ant
looked up. though every one knew
quite well that he could not hear
word OF the sermon. Finally he beck
oned 10 the black gowned old verger
who carried long wand. and whis
pered TO him. The verger ascendet
the pulpit and In turn interrupted thu
sermon by whispered conversation
with the preacher. who was seen 4
suddenly grasp his pocket handker
chief and watch. smile and nod, ans
then proceeded with his sermon. III
had filed the receiver Of the old rec
tors EAR trumpet. which connected
with a tube 10 the lower desk. and tn
rector had been unable to tell whethe
any sermon was going on or not
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