The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1900-06-06
BILL NYE ON ADVERTISING.
An Unpublished Article of the Great
Humorist Concerning tho Boot and
Shoe Business.

,r An Unpublished Article OF the Gre
% Hum0rist Concerning tho Boot al
s. Shoe Business.
4 The manuscript Of this article WI
given to u friepd OF the author short
o. before the latter's death. The reci
r lent mislaid it and gave it up as 10
}. until few days ago, when it turne
O up unexpectedly. 1t is one OF Nj
Nye's best and most characterist
n productions.
0 | have received the following letter
Dear Nye; am about to start /
, the boot aud shoe business. My friend
: say am cut out for it, have genius /
> That direction. Can you suggest som
7 wap to get going and stay going with
: out using the newspapers An earl
} reply will greatly oblige, Reginald"
TO begin with-stay where you are
Don't move Allons About t
, start " is better than starting withou
the aid OF the press, Reggie.
J | am glad to hear that you have
genius-you'l need it, Reggie, to sue
ceed In any direction, unlC6s you ar,
bound "up Salt Creek" without the
genial and necessary assistance o
printers ink.
S"h SuBS'Sb way - Will SuRRpSl
a way-a road rs plain as is the nose
on your face, Reggie. take it for
granted you have face and that the
nose ornamenting it is Roman one
and rot Il mere dent in your physiog.
nOmy. a road that has been travelled
by more unadulterated failures both
In the shoe trade and other branches
OF business endeavor than that charm.
Ing country ramble which Shakespeare
says " is paved with good intentions" F"
1t will bear careful consideration and
Is rs follows
SOME HINTS ON SELF ADVERTISING.
The first thing on waking in the
morning, turn over aud 20 TO sleep
again this will rest you and keep you
from getting up. No self-respecting
shoe dealer should reach his place OF
business before 10 O'clock in the morn
ing; aud 1t might add to his dignity
not TO get there till 10 p. IN.
When you have opened the store,
bring in the hose and wet down the
stock 10 make sure it does not leak.
Ii it's u cold morning, wet down the
walk in front Of the store, so it'll
freeze, and the first man that attempts
to go by will fall, like l.ucifCr, and
drive his spinal column up through his
brains. This is an efficient way to see
II the man who attempted to go by has
any. Drag him into the store and
send for u doctor. This will draw "a
crowd, some Of whom might need shoes
and steal pair.
While the doctor is pushing the
mans spine back to place and sewing
up the hole, tell the injured wretch u
iunny story, and sell him pair of shoes
that won't slip. Iou might turn t!
n No.
making some iacctious remark about
the weather. BY this time lots OF
folks will have slipped down on your
improvised rink, TO their great merri-
ment. This little stroke Of business
can be dealt by you any time when it
Is not lreeHtpg by spreading few
banana skins on the walk. Folks'll sue
you-if they don't kill you outright
and law suit will keep your name be-
fore the public.
When the excitement Is over, take
the best pair OF shoes in the store, if
you've paid for them, and get big
hammer and long spike and spike
them down to the sidewalk in front Of
the door. This will attract attention
and afford you infinite amusement
when any one tries to carry them or.
When lady calls, don't jump at
business " the first thing by asking
her II she wants TO buy q pair Of shoes;
she always goes to the drug store for
them Ask her how old she is if her
teeth are false and il she lives happily
with her husband. Then introduce
the subject OF shoes carefully, bus
firmly with slight innuendo, rs
- Ah | see you've got your feet with
you !" or when small feet were given
out in Maine you were in Texas - Try
n ipn NJ L.
like poetry:
Laugh and the world laughs with
you,
Weep and we all repine;
An extra sized shoe is the thing for
you
When your foot is number nine"
When she ilouncos out, ask her if
that's her own hair or switch. Then,
when her husband or big brother
comes around, laugh yourself rs he
jams your mcasly head through shoe
case. Laugh and he will laugh with
you" This will keep the town talking
about you and Is much chcape. than
advertising In the papers.
The late Il. Il. Barnum, when bust
ness was dull at the old " Museum,
New York." had man with a very
solemn face walk out and lay brick
down in the middle OF the street, leave
it there, walk back in and through
the museum without saying a word or
cracking Is smile, take up another
brick and lay that down by the first;
pick up the first and back through the
museum again. This he repeated till
crowd had gathered and paid to fol-
low him Ia to see what he WAS doing.
| wouldn't advise you to do that:
they'd call you an imitator. That you
don't want. BE original. Buy load
OF bricks-have them dumped in the
yard back OF the store, and, when all
the town is trying to sleep after the
excitement you have already caused
carry the whole load up on the roof,
one brick at a time, thus you can count
them and IT will perfect YOU in figures.
Next day, about 10 or II Is. m, get up
on the roof and b gin To dance and yell
:" Fire ~ This will bring the town to
your store. Thcn hollcr "April fool ~
on the 10th OF October, If you like, it
will add To your cccentriCity, increase
your popularity, and perhaps land you
in tho cooler. Keep everybody talk
ing about you that's the keynote OF
success.
II you sec little girl going by with
bundle, take it away from her and
cuff her ears go she'll run home crying
When her father is trying a different
brand OF shoes on your pusillanimou.
carcass, suggest to him that the shoe.
you carry will give better satisfaction
Ii