The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1900-12-20
TALE OF A TURKEY.
How an Impairment Drummer
Escaped Christmas in the
Guard=HOIse.
By HENRY Nj. KIEFER.

j will tell you how the Colonel lost his
Christmas turkey.
We were lying in camp near CulpepeI
Court House, in Virginia, the Winter OF
1861. Although it was near Christmas
we were without any other protection
against the weather than that afforded
by our shelter-tents, in comparison with
which n sheep-stable is 4 palace on cold
night. Our prospects for merry Christ
mas were therefore none of the best.
Hardtack, salt pork and beans were but
poor substitute for roast turkey and
devilled chicken, and all the blessed fin
ings and trimmings which we knew the
folks at home were making ready for
themselves; and then, when we thought of
the warm stoves, and the pleasant rooms,
and the clean beds-well, it just made a
fellow feel blue.
About week before Christmas we
were on dress parade on the parade
ground up on the hill above camp, and
when the time came for Troop to beat
off, and the drum corps wheeled out of
line with a flourish of the flies and roll
of the drums one of the drummer boys,
Jack Nibley, wasn't beating, for the good
reason that his drum was out Of order.
the snareS being broken. As we traverSed
the entire length of the regimental front
on n slow march down, and a Quick-Step
back, this breach of good order was
promptly detected by the Colonel who di-
rected the Sergeant-Major TO ascertain at
once why one of tie musicians had failed
in his duty. The Sergeant came up the
line at a qIfa kstep, halted, faced, and
said:
1.-The Colonel wants to know Why one
of your drummers5oys isn't beating his
drum" Now, what in the world pos
sessed Jack to give the answer he did, /
could not imagine, unless it was pure mis-
chief, but, anyhow, to the utter surprise
and amusement of all ne replied, in {;
tone loud enough to be heard half way
down the line:
"Tell the Colonel the reason why 1
can't beat my drum is because I've got
two turkeys in my drum-and one of 'em
is for the Colonel.
There was a broad grin on many face,
and on none broader than that of the Ser.
geant as he faced about, stepped out live
ly, as soldier on parade should, and duly
delivered his message to the commanding
officer.
Send Nibley to my quarters, sir" was
the Colonel's reply: Il will see him after
parade is dismissed"
Now, Jack, poor fellow, was in distress,
verify; for / need hardly say that the two
turkeys in his drum were quite imaginary.
Two turkeysi If he had said one turkey
it would have been bad enough; but two!
1t was hardly possible that real live tur-
key could be found anywhere within 40
miles, unless some chance darby in some
out-of-the-way place beyond the picket-line
might be able TO give some information on
the subject. Jack had our Sympathies,
therefore, as we saw him put his disabled
drum into his tent, draw his belt a little
tighter, and march brayely up to the
Colonel's tent
my boy" said the Colonel you've done
a risky thing. You've tried to play off
an old joke on me. / have heard that
story several times now, about that drum
mer-boy who had two turkeys in his drum
and one Of them for the Colonel and it
makes me feel all the worse to hear it
again, because it is so near Christmas,
and the very mention of turkey is simply
aggrayating. l will tell you now what
your punishment shall be. AS you have
acknowledged having my turkey in your
possession, you will please produce the
turkey or spend your Christmas Day in
the guard-house. I'll give you till Christ
mas morning at guard mount-and you
can CO."
Now, indeed, poor Jack was in deep
water. The thought of spending Christ
mas Day in the guard-house! And all for
poor little attempted joke on the Colonel.
AS we sat about the campfire cooking our
coffee and toasting our bareback, the boys
help Jack out of the hole in which he
had so fool-hardily fallen. Some proposed
TO gend home for turkey, but the time
was too short, and, besides, no turkey,
living or dead had the ghost of chance
of getting safely through the hands of so
many agents, and clerks, and guards, as
must pass him along the line all the way
from Philadelphia to Culpeper-he'd get
wrOng-shipped long before he could reach
the Maryland line. Others suggested
petition to Father Abraham" for a sus-
pension of sentence; but the delays of red
tape were too many for that. So there
really seemed no hope for poor Jack when
after tattoo, and, doubling himself up in
his blanket, lay down on the hard ground
TO think out a way of escape.
He was On the verge of blissful obliv-
Jon at last, when Serg't O'Donnell polled
his head in between the flaps of the tent
and said:
Jack, boy, are We asleep? Wake up,
man, an I'll tell ye where to find yer tur-
key
Jack, you may be sure, was awake in
an instant. why, ye see, Jack, me boy"
said the Sergeant, 81 happen to know Of
place beyant our picket-line, near the
Rapidan-out betwixt our picket-line and
the Johnny Rebs-an' he's got just one
blessed turkey in a coop. ] heard him
gobble, an / had intended that same no.
bic bird for meself, ye understand; but
ye're in hard luck, me boy, an rather
than have ye spend yer Christmas in the
guard-house, why, III very cheerfully sur
render me claims. But, now mind ye-
not a word of this to any of the boys, or
that turkey'll be all bones long before you
can get so much as sQuint at him. Well
make up little foraging paarty-you an
me an Jimmy II be enough, l reckon-an'
we'll fetch our bird in the night before
Christmas, an you can present him TO the
Ing, and then we'll all give three cheers
an q tiger, and have some fun"
Jack slept soundly enough after that,
you may well believe, and a few days
later, the very day before Christmas, he
managed somehow to get away from camp
with Jimmy and the Sergeant to look af-
ter that turkey of the ColOners that was
IN hiding somewhere out beyond the pick
et-line. A detail of the regiment, chanc-
ing to be doing picket duty on that part
of the line, it was an easy matter to get
through the line.
1t was a clear cold, frosty night and
they tramped along bravely but in silence
over the frozen hills, the stars that shine
alike for saints and sinners lending their
light. They soon found the cabin they
were In quest of In the darky quarter OF
q deserted plantation.
Now, Jack, my boy, you slip around
yonder," whispered the Sergeant, pointing
toward the rear Of the premises, IAN
there you'll find the Colonels turkey In a
coon Rut don't he in n hurry Wa;U an.