The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1900-04-21
THE MAN WHO DID NOT DIE
A Whole Hospital Corps of Doctors
by One u. Tremens.

This is q, true happening, with the
name of the hospital suppressed out
of regard for the doctors, who aren't
feeling very we'll satisfied over it, Di-
agnosis is a tlcklish matter at best and
likely to be emphatically disproved by
the issue Of the case, truth appreciat-
ed more by old than by young physi-
clans, but when a whole hospital corps
agrees that man is going to die al
most Immediately and operates on him
in that belief. the least they expect of
that man, in common decency and
gratitude, is to shuttle off the mortal
| little trouble as possible. In this case
the patient didn't die and the hospital
corps knows more about what 1t does
MT know than it knew before.
In the beginning the patient landed
his name for the Office records and he
said he guessed 1t was Delirium Trem-
ems AS he declined to commit himself
| further, he was entered as Mr.. Trem-
ems, and this was false diagnosis the
first, for he escaped the little pink dew
lis that swarm across plain, white cell
ings, and develop so many other symp-
toms instead, of various and interesting
kinds, that he was summarily removed
to the medical ward and studied by the
staff, They held a consultation over
him and decided that his interior Or
gans were in the last stages Of disre-
pair, and that, though he was beyond
help, much of interest and value might
be derived from experiments looking
toward patching him up. They wished
to be frank with him and gave him fair
warning, so the house physician and
the house surgeon and various assist
ants told him that he had better tell
them his real name, his address, and
the address of his relatives or friends
If he had any.
What for?" asked Tremens.
Because you haven't long to live"
said the house doctor.
ooh, pshaw!" said Tremens. There's
nothing the matter with me except that
I can't eat"
''Of course you can't" said the house
doctor. Your stomach is fiat as col
lapsed balloon"
II suppose that's the drink" said the
patient. mo wonder I can't eat,
though. When do you think I'll die?"
I'm two or three days"
Now, see here, gentlemen" said the
patient, It'll be time enough to worry
my friends and family when Tn dead.
But 1 don't believe I'm going to die.
don't feel like 1t. Can't you put
prop In my stomach and brace 1t up?"
1T is certainly worth trying" put
in the house surgeon. II am glad that
the suggestion came from you. An op-
Grafton can do no harm and -"
you mean if mans as good as dead
already you might as we'll kill him."
Tremens observed. Nov, / object to
being carved to death"
There will be nothing of that Sort"
the house surgeon assured him. you
will not die from the operation"
But there's that liver trouble" sug-
gested the house doctor.
"They always told me that alcohol
would pickle my liver in time" re-
marked the patient, Whats wrong
with 1t? Has it collapsed, or swelled
up, or moved, or what?"
Its about as good as a tin can full
of holes" said one of the younger doc
tors flippantly
your kidneys are in bad shape,
too" added the house doctor. your
spleen seems to be affected, and I be-
leve there is some intestinal obstruc-
ton. There are some minor difficulties,
but -"
Never mind those" interrupted the
patient, II ought to make lovely OPP
Grafton, oughtn't [? There's one thing
| want to know: Is there any chance of
the operation doing me any good?"
Its bare possibility" said the sur
geon. without it you're certain to
starve to death, if you don't die of the
other ailments first. The operation in
itself will not be fatal"
Then go ahead" said Tremens
Don't mind me-"
They say in the hospital that not for
many years has there been so much in
terest in an operation as there was in |
that one. Tremens, under chloroform |
was duly opened up for the inspection |
and edification of the staff the nurses |
and a number of students, and his in |
terror plan was found to be, as the doc |
tors had predicted a perfect mass of |
ill-placed, Unconditional organs. They |
first inflated his stomach and got that |