Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-08-19
Mr.. DOOLEY ON VOICES
FROM THE TOMB.
BY f. II. Dunno.

Copyright, 1900, Robert Howard RusseI)
Il don't think" said Mr. Dooley,
that me frind Wilfum Jennings Bryan
is as good an orator as he was four
years ago."
He's tn grandest talker that's lived
since DanI OConnell," said Mr.. Hen
messy.
we've herd thin all an we know"
said Mr.. Dooley. But l tell We, he's
gone back Dye mind tn time we
whit down to tn Colosseum an he
come out in a black ALPACA coat an
pushed into tn air tn finest wurruds
We liver heerd spoke in all ye'er BORN
days? Twas balloon ASCENSION an
tn las days iv Pompey an blast on
tn canal all in wan. | had to hold on
to me chair to keep firm goin' up in tn
air, an l mind that if it hadn't been
FIR crack on tn head We got firm a
dillygate fr'm WISCONSIN ye'd We been
in tn hair iv Gin'ral Bragg. Dear me,
viii We liver frget it, tn way he pump
ed it into tn pluthocrats? I tell ye
here an now he says, they're as good
business men in tn quiet country
graveyards iv Kansas as ye can find
in tn palathial lunch counthers iv
Wall street. he says. 'Whin | see tn
face iv that man who looks like a two
dollar pitcher iv Naypolyeon at Saint
Helena he says, 1 say to mesilf, ye
shall not-ye shall not-what tn divvle
is it we shall not do, Hinnissy?'
''Ye shall not cruelty mankind upon
a crown " thcrns," said Mr. Hennessy.
Right ye ar-re, forgot" Mr.. Dooley
went on. We'll thin were his own
wurruds. He was young an he want
ed something an he spoke up. He'd
been a raypOrther on newspaper an
he'd rather be prisidint thin write amy
longer FIR tn pa-aper, an he made tn
whole iv tn piece out iv his own head.
But nowadays he has tin wurruds
FIR Thomas jefferson an the rest iv
tn sage crop to wan FIR himsilf. Eel
low-dimmycrats.' he says. before GO
in amy farther, an maybe farm
worse, l reluctantly accept tn nommy-
nation f'r prisidlnt that | have caused
we to offer me- he says, an good luck
to me- he says. Seem tn country in
tn condition it is, he says, / cannot
rayfuse,' he says. ! will now lave a
subject that must be disagTeeable to
many iv We an speak few wurruds
firm tn fathers iv tn party, " whom
there ar-re nanny. he says, though
no shame to til party, f'r All iv that
he says. Thomas jefferson, tn sage iv
Monticello, says: Eye can't make a
silk purse out Nv a sows ear" a re-
mark that will at wanst recall tn say
in iv Binjamin Franklin, tn sage iv
Camden, that 9TH farthest way ar
round is tn shortest way acrost"
Nawthin' cud be thruer thin that on
liss it is tn ipygram iv Andrew Jack
son, tn sage iv Syracuse. that "a
bur-rd in tn hand is worth two in tn
bush" What gran wurruds thin ARE
an how they must torture tn prisint
leaders iv the Republican party.
Sam'l Adams. III sage iv Salem, says:
Laugh an tn wurruld laughs with
ye,' while Pathrick Hinnery. tn sage
iv Jersey City, puts it that ''ye shud
always bet aces before tn dhraw."
Turnin farther back into histhry we
find that Briann Boru, tn sage iv Mum
sther. said: ''Cead mile failthe," an
Joolyus Castar, I'll sage ~ Waukeesha.
says, Win we're in Rome, do tn Ro-
mans" Nebuchedneezer-th
MAINE EyE-lu sage ~ l-M4lUAW-
where. says: "Ye cant ate yeer hay
an have IT," Solomon, tn sage ie
Sageville, said, "Whin a mans married
his throubles begins" an Adam, tn
sage iv Eden, put it thot "a snake in
tn grass is worth two in tn boots"
Yen see be this, me good an thrue
friends, that tn voices firm tn tombs
is united in wan gran chorus f'r tn
hon rable ticket We have nommynated.
| will say no more, but on a future oc-
casion. whin I've been down in south
ern Injanny, I'll tell We what tn sages
an fathers iv tn party in tn Ancient
an Hon'rable Association iv Mound
Builders had to say about tn prisint
crisis.
Tisn't Bryan alone. Macks tn
same way. They're both ancesther
worshipers, like tn Chinese, Hinnissy.
An what Id like TO know is what
Thomas Jefferson knew about tn
fhroub1es iv- ye an me? Divvle 4
wurrud hare to say again Thomas.