The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-11-15
lISoma Punkins .

A8iilC y
He was tan and thin. An expansive
mouth whose corners were corrugated
and discolored from much tobacco chew
ing, occupied a no fnconsiderable portion
Of his face, which was extremely thin,
also, and tanned to the hue Of old lea h
er. His diversified ears doomed up pronai-
nently at the sides of his InuskInelen-
shaped head, like wings spread for hur-
ried fight From the top Of his dusty
top boots he was pleasantly suggestive
of neW-mown hay, and. as ne sauntsTed
leisurely down the platform in front of
the rural Indiana railway station the ab,~
quitoUs small boy. "tumbling to" the
little wisp OF stra w-coiored whisker that
adorned the tip Of his chin. bleate5 ike
a goat and clung with reckless abandon
to the long tails of his rusty coat, just
for the fun Of hearing his vocifsrous TOW
Of native profanity and seeing him strike
out awkWardly with his huge blue cotton
umbrella.
Entering the waiting room, he flung his
antquated carpet bag into 2 vacant seat
and advanced to the ticket agents win
dow. red-faced and perspiring
Young feller," he said impressively.
I'm Squire Josiah Chowder o Gum
Holler, state O. Tudiany Ripley county,
IS"
clad to know you. Squire" grinned
the agent shaking hands.
The squire beamed.
us Chowderses is some punlrns,7 he
continued proudly. unmindful OF the
agents look Of inquiry. There amt
never been none o. Us but that'd fight at
the drop O. a hat, an drap the hat his
self"
"A fighting family, eh?" said the agent
with q perfunctory show Of interest
c'ud 'rassel some, too, specially me.
Indeed"
Yes, stree! I'VE throwed evry cham
peen 'rassier this side O. Mason and
Dixon's line. an amt never had my
back dirtied in all my life. Want ter try
me whirl?"
The agent replied negatively, gently
intimating that he might possibly be OF
other service to the redoubtable squire
who adopting the conveyed suggestion.
asked:
What time does that ha'f-pas' twelve
train leave?'
at ESQ replied the agent.
"Sure?"
Yes
'When's the train due?"
80 thirty minutes past twelve"
HIN! What time is it nowT
1901"
"sure?'
Yes
Clocks all right, then?"
Best in town.
HIN! Never have no accidents?"
Mo-
Sure they won't be none today?"
absolutely"
'tHow dye known"
I'VE have an asrologer who predicts
all accidents a year IN advance. When
ever anything is going to happen to
train he posts Us a bulletin and we take
measures to avert the impending evil.
No hopes of wreck today"
''Goshfryl I'll have ter ask that astroI-
Opdr how long twill be afore our
Mandy'n ketch man. Bet thatn stump
him. say!'
Well"
by. carry dogs?
AN cats?"
Eyes. any kind Of live stock We are
especially partial to having Ripley coun-
ty hogs IN the passenger coaches
"Goshfreyi If I'd a-kn0wed that 10 a
brought along the spotted sow an pigs.
What dye charge fer a ticket?"
Where top
''Hey2''
"Where-to?"
y y .
Here comes my train. Heyi What ais
We, a-standin' there an a-gapin' at me
that a way? Gimme a ticketP He hop
ped up and down excitedly, vainly en-
deavoring to lay violent hands on the
agent. who at the first manifestation of
hostility had retreated beyond his reach.
"Gimme-a-a-ticketI'
CT can't sell you ticket unless
know where you wish to go" explained
"Hey?"
''Where-do-you-wish--to-go?" with
red-faced emphasis.
"Oh! Whyn thunderahon didn't you
ask that afore? Why. to Indynap'Hs. o
course. Hurry uD, We dern pesky crit
terri
Two dollars fifty. please"
Here He slammed the amount down
on the shelf Gimme my ticket. BURY
up-hurryi There, dern We, we've made
me miss my train! What ye been a.
eatin-snafls? Cit a hump on We CT I'll
come in there an waller yer goodt'
He seized the ticket at last, grabbed up
his carpet bag and umbrella. and. after
shaking his Est at the agent and Civ
ing vent TO some wieT dly constructed
adjecdves bolted through the doorway.
The next moment ne was bowling down
the track at top speed, his red bandana
handkerchief hanging at half-mast from
his own motion, like 6 fragrant ensign
of anarchy and the irreverent juvenile
on the depot platform cheering
him TO the echo.
The agent came out Just IN time to see
him reach the railing OF the last car
with a flying leap, and scramble. bag
gage and all onto the rear platform OF
the wrong train. Then he balanced I'm
self and waved his blue cotton umbrella
triumphantly.
cts Chowderesses Is some punkns." he
yelled gieefully. IF I'd a-missed this
train I'd ashore come back an wallered
We. I amt never had my back dirgsl
in all my life"