Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-03-20

SPINNING WHEEL.
A LAY OF THE ANCIENTs.

Who made his speeches to the throns,
Without a stutter all day long.
While wiser far than all his mates,
l IN just as sure wise Socrates.
W no taught here, fearless of the lip
he got when living with Aantippe.
And living still within his means
Was economic Diogenes,
Who, having found an honest man.
Had snapped his lantern for "A fan.
/ wandered to the ballroom floor,
And there ! fair Terpsichore,
Who danced amidst hundred maids.
None sweeter than the sweet Plciades;
And none TO me were quite SO nice,
Among them all. as Eurydice.
In that department where abides
The court of justice, Aristides
Was seated on front bench high
And spoke 10 me as | passed by.
And busy still upon his deeds
OF science was great ArchimedeS.
Beyond the limits of the schools,
Among the athletes was Hercules,
The strong man of the show, you bet,
And one a fellow can't forget,
Alongside dressed in steel-trimmed frills,
| saw the warrior bold Achilles,
And near him weeping, in a robe
OF somber shape, sat sad Niobe,
4 lady who has wept so much,
1t makes one cry to think of such.
Now wandering on, my sight reveals
The famous sculptor praXiteleS
With chisel drawn, he's making terms,
/ ween, to Sculpt another HermeS.
And thus | wandered in my dream
And met at every turn stream
OF famous and llustrious shades
lnhaDltlnS the realm Oh t1aQeSs
Who seemed TO be quite satisfied
And showed me round the place with pride.
William j. hampton in New York Sun.
-:O:-
When Isaac Van Alphcn, the postmas-
tcr-geperal of the Transyaal and warm
friend Of Dom Paul" was in this coun-
try in attendance on the postal congress.
he had an amusing experience which he
still likes to refer to, relates the Sat
urday Evening Post. Walking arm in
arm with a friend near the Pennsylvania
station in Baltimore one day, the dis
tinguished foreigner was approached by
policeman, who announced that an
Alphen had been ordered to appear be-
fore the coroner to act as juror.
by what authority do YOU ask this
by the authority Of the state of Mary
land
Il acknowledge no such authority"
said Van Alphen, the humOr OF the situa
ton breaking upon him.
GU acknowledge no such authority:
repeated the policeman with amazement.
What do you mean?
WELL" announced Mr. Van Alphen
nonchalantly, Il am Il resident OF Pre-
toria in the South African republic, and
/ don't acknowledge the authority of the
state of Maryland in this instance"
Pretoria, South African republic.
echoed the policeman, puzzled for mo
ment, but finally he begged Mr.. Van
Alphen's pardon and walked away. say
ing. audibly. We'll, you're about the
whitest coon | ever saw
Little Lou-"Mah nanny wants ter
know eff yo' got any stylish color dyes
Drug Clerk-''What does she want it
for?''
Little I.ou-"She done got de misery
in her stummick. an the doctor say she
must diet; an she say ii she hab ter
dye it she want it some han some color.
Judge.
An old worthy III the town of H
made it his business to call on people
whom he knew TO be i'll or confined to
the house, and. in addition to expressing
sympathy in the orthodox manner, read
portions Of Scripture by way Of cOnsOla-
ton. On one occasion he took as his
lesson the first chapter of Matthew. He
got to the second verse i'll safety, but
casting his eye down the page he was
rather taken aback at the list of names.
Not having exactly received universe
" education he was i'll fix. Rising
grandly to the occasion. however, he ex
claimed: "HOotS, ay, an they a begat
ane anither doom tae ABBOTT the middle
o the chapter" and proceeded on his
way rejoicing.
An East Indian prince. en- his first visit
to this country, suffered SO continuously
from cold that he contracted pneumo-
MIA and died. He was cremated. and
after being some ten minutes iii the
crematory ali attendant opened a small
slide in the side of the furnace to note
the result. The prince was sitting bolt
upright ON the slab, and shouted, Shut
that door.'-Life.
a
Col. James Hamilton Lewis. the brill
liant Democrat, who served in the last
Congress from the state of Washington
and now the Pacific coast possibility for
yZice-president,, basks frequently, these
days in the light Of the capitol. Col
Lewis in former days has given the
House examples Of his negro dialect sto-
ries-he is Virginian by birth-and now
he is telling one On Senator Hanna. The
skeleton Of the story is old, but Col.
Lewis declared to a group Of listeners at
the capitol that the new flesh and blood
entities it to be called original.
he other afternoon said Col. Lewis,
nonchalantly, las Senator Hanna was
standing on the rear platform of the New
York limited smoking one of his Hawai-
aS-lately sent from one of his Cuban
dependences-the colored porter of the
Pullman, just as the car was pulling out,
most graciOusly tapped the senator on
the shoulder, saying:
Boss, you CANT stan out there
Why can't l stand out here?' re-
sponded the senator. What is a plat
form for if not to stand On?'
The porter looked him over, replying
quickly:
Eff -dey's any one gemman in de-
United States dat knows dat amt so,
Boss Hanna, you is de man-de platform
IS ter git III on de cars, and when yer
done got yer berth yer keeps off de plat
form, 'ceept when yer goes ter git anud-
der berth. Washington Post.
--:o:-
PA, / pose that when Adam an Eve
were hustled out o. Paradise they went
with a rush, didn't they?' Pap sighed.
Il suppose So" he said Kan, per-
haps?', Perhaps And Cain ran
ahead?' Maybe So" That was the
original Cain rush, wasn't it, dad?'
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
An 1rishman came into a railway car
rlage at Aberdeen for Edinburgh but
could not find a seat, and perforce had
to stand. Station after station was ar
rived at and yet not one left their seats.
On reaching Dundee Pat evidently