davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Made IL. own Funeral Toilet.

There are certain insects that have
such a respect for Mrs. Grundy and
are endowed with such an innate love
of neatness and order that not even
death. or rather decapitation, can pre-
vent them from making one grand
final toilet. which Is clearly designed
to give them Il sedate and respectable
appearance after death.
DIR. Ballion, n skilled entom ologist.
discovered this remarkable fact. Dur
Ing one of my recent horseback rides"
he says. II frequently caught n Of
those large flies which annoy cattle
and horses SO much, and | promptly
got rid of it by crushing its head.
One day. instead of throwing the mu-
tilated insect away, | placed it on the
back of my hand and indolently watch
ed it. For ONE seconds the insect re-
manned mOtiOnleSS. but then. to my
unbOunded surprise. 1t moved its front
legs forward to the place where the
head should have been. and, after it
had rubbed them %nervously together.
apparently in anguish. it began to
brush it's body and to smooth it's wings
with its hind legs. Under the gentle
pressure of these limbs the body grad
ually became extended and the eX-
tremity curved. while the wings grad
ually changed their natural position
and left the upper part of the body
exposed. Meanwhile the hind legs
continued to brush each other from
time to time.
Naturally | watched this extra
ordinary sight with great interest, and,
in order to see the finale, l took the
insect into my study. where it lived
an entire day, spending the time at
the ungrateful task of making it's W
funeral toilet"
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
He Lifted the Ticker.

A London detective visiting Glasgow
met a Scotch police official on the
street and in the talk that followed
spoke contemptuously of the ability
Of Scotch thieves as compared with
the English experts.
Taking this as IN dispersion cast on
the astuteness of the Scottish police as
well, the Glasgow detective wis net
tied and thirsted for revenge. Look
ing around. he espied a little fellow
who had been dogging them and who
was known as an expert pickpocket.
Crossing the street he addressed the
boy, and, pointing to the ~retreating
figure of the English detective, he ask
ed If he would know him again.
aye" replied the boy. What ABBOTT
it?"
II want you to lift his ticker. He
says no M in Glasgow can relieve
him of it,"
"Ah, it's a RIGHT. See ony green?"
Honor bright. Tommy! I'll give
you half a crown when you deliver up
the watch to me-"
"Ye will? An what elseY'
Nothing else"
Lets see. then. I'm to lift the tick
er, an you're to pay half a crown fort
on the spot?"
eyes, that's it."
can wad We ken it if We seer it"
81 would among a thousand"
as that it, thenY" And the boy, div
ing into his trousers pocket, displayed
the identical watch and explained that
he had secured it while the gent was
chaffin ABBOTT the prigs."
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Sacrificed the Mustache.

Thomas B. Reed at one time wore a
mustache of Il few struggling hairs,
so often seer on the upper lip of ex-
tremely fleshy men How Mr.. Reed
parted with his hirsute apology can
best be told by q certain barber in the
house of representatives who attended
h gentleman'S wants:
"One day the big man from Maine
settled himself in the BARRIERS chair and
requested a shave. When the operation
was completed, Mr.. Reed Strengthened
himself and asked, Have you any of
that old fashioned pomade to wax
m~ustaches with?
1.-THE barber hustled among his pots
and jars and produced a French prep
aration in vogue a quarter of a CEN
tury ago and then proceeded to wax
the ends of the Maine statesman's few
wirelike hairs.
when the man of snapshot sentences
arose and contemplated himself in the
glass. he turned to the astonished bar
Der and said, Cut this BANKED blank
mustache off. for you have made me
look like q COMPOUNDED catfish New
England Home Magazine.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
A Dream Thrt Came True.

Talking about Dreams" said Mrs.
Smith is we sat around the parlor,
81 once had a very strange experience.
[ dreamed that was just stepping out
of my house for a walk when a funeral
passed by. a man with a cap marked
nine and a red scar running across
his forehead jumped from the hearse
and. approaching me-, asked, Are you
ready" No. | replied, and with that
I aWoke.
"a few months later l was stopping
in Chicago. | was on the top floor of
one of the big houses and just about
to step into the elevator when l re-
membered another thing 1 wanted to
buy. l stopped and looked through
my notebook. Down. exclaimed the
elevator boy, and then asked me, Are
you ready| No. l answered, and the
door closed.
"The next instant a great crash was
heard, and the occupants of the eleva-
tor were dashed to an untimely death.
'The cap of the boy bore the figure
8, and he had a red scar running
across his brow San Francisco
Chronicle.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Just an Ordinary Steak.

when in Hamburg, we supposed
we must do as the Hamburgers did, so
at u first meal there we asked for
Hamburg steak" said the woman
Besides, we wanted to see how that
Wand would taste upon it's native
heath, anyway. But to all our requests,
couched in our best scholastic German,
the waiter shook his head. Like many
another prophet, the Hamburg steak
was apparently without honor in its
W country. At all events. our waiter
hadn't heard of it. oh. WELL we said,
just bring US an ordinary beef steak.
But, 10 and behold, when the meat was
served there it was all chopped up and
made into small cakes-what Ameri-
cans call, il fact, Hamburg steak
To Hamburgers q Hamburg steak was
an ordinary steak New York Sun.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Man Compared.

If man grew as fast in proportion as
a silkworm, he would be bigger than
an elephant in two months. If he
could navigate as fast in proportion
as the average house fly, he could cross
the Atlantic and back in the time it
takes him to eat his breakfast. If he
had as many eyes in proportion as the
butterfly. he would have &c, to say
nothing of an extra pair in his head
for skylights. If he could spring as
far in proportion as the spider, he
could jump over the tallest tree in
California. and it wouldn't bother him
in the least. Man isn't the whole thing
after all.-Freeport Journal.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
A Famous Square,

There is said to be no equal In the
world to the grand and imposing
square of Paris, the Place de la Con-
corde. On one side of it Is the Tuile-
ries, on the opposite side the Champs
Elysees and on a third the river Seine.
In the center stands the obelisk of
Luxon, q magnificent mOnoiith of red
Egyptian granite, "A feet high and
weighing 100000 pounds. This obelisk
was one of two of the same shape and
size, erected in 1850 b. c., by Rame-
ses the Great at the entrance Of the
temple Of Thebes. Mohammed Ali,
pasha Of Egypt, presented 1t to the
French government, and in 1886 it
was removed to it's present position in
the Place de la Concorde. The re-
moval and erection on the new site re-
CURED IN outlay of 100000 and the
employment of 800 men, the obelisk
being transported to France in a YES
sci built especially for the purpose.
The Place de la Concorde is rich in
historic interest. 1t was there that the
guillotine was erected in the "reign
of terror" after the death of Louis
WI. and it was there that the signal
was given for the attack on the Bastille
in 1889. Louis XVI and Marie An
tOinette were beheaded there in 1893,
and it was the scene of great rejoic-
ing in 1913. when France was pro-
claimed a republic. The Place de la
Concorde has also been termed the
Place Louis XIV and Place de la Revo-
luton.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
4 Mystery of the Sea.

One of the most curious finds ever
made from the sea was that which
came to the Azores in 1858. The is
land Of COrvo was then in the posses
sion of two runaway British sailors.
One morning there drifted ashore {:
craft which had evidently been frozen
in the ice for Il long time. 1t was an
ancient and battered brig, without
masts. bulwark or name, but the
matches were III, the cabin doors fast,
and the hulk was buoyant. She had lit
tie cargo, and hat consisted of skins
and furs in prime condition.
No papers were found in the cabin.
but it was figured that she was a
sealer or trader. carrying a crew of
10 or II, and that she had been pro-
visiOned for q year. The flour was
spoiled, but the beef was perfectly
preserved. She had been abandoned
when frozen in an iceberg and drifted
for years. The date of the letter found
in the forecastle showed that the brig
had been abandoned nearly half a
century before. The two sailors got
out the furs, which eventually brought
them $4,000, and two barrels of beef
and then set fire to the wreck. No trace
was ever found of its name or owners.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Couldn't Resist.

An eccentric clergyman in Cornwall
had been much annoyed by the way
the members of the congregation had
Of looking around to see late Corners.
After enduring it for some time he
said OF entering the reading desk one
day: Brethren, | regret to see that
your attention is called away from
your religious duties by your very
natural desire to see who comes in
behind you. | propose henceforth to
save you the trouble by naming each
person who may come late"
He then began, Dearly beloved"
but paused half way to interpolate.
"Mr. S.. with his wife and daughter"
Mr.. S. looked rather surprised, but
the minister. with perfect gravity, re-
sumed. Presently he again paused.
"Mr. G. and William D."
The abasEed congregation kept their
eyes studiously bent on their books.
The service proceeded in the most or
derby manner the parson i~nterrupting
himself every now and then to name
some newcomer. At last he said, still
with the same perfect gravity:
Mrs. S. in a new bonnet"
In a moment every feminine head in
the congregation had turned around
Millinery Trade Review.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
LOcusts Good to Eat.

All native African races eat lOcusts.
with many it takes, and has to take,
II place of the British wOrkman's
beef and mutton. In n good many vii
lagos sun dried lOcusts are an article of
commerce. The Sudanese are particu-
larly fond of them.
Before they are eaten they are toast
ed. The wings and legs having first
been torn off, the long, soft body and
the crisp head form the delicacy.
| determined not to let my European
prejudices influence me-, but to give
the dish of grilled locusts a fair trial.
L thought how John the Baptist had
enjoyed them plus wild honey.
The n l was eating was rather
nice. | agreed with my Arab servant
that, should the meat supply fall short.
a dish of lOcusts would be q very good
substitute.
BY the time l was eating the sec
Ond locust it seemed to me absurd
why Il should have a sort of lurking
pity for John the Baptist's daily menu
unless it be for its monotony, and |
felt convinced hat l should get tired
OF honey sooner than | should of To-
custs.-Current Literature.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
One OF Forbes, scoops.

The following story illustrates the
Yate Archibald Forbes cleverness In
getting his news reports In ahead Of
his fellow correspondents:
Here Is a little scene: Time, near
midnight, after a hard days work.
Everybody done up. Hello, JONES'"
says Smith. There's Forbes already
asleep, like brass" by Jove, yes"
quoth Jones Qncipient snore from
Forbes. 1T would take ten horses
to wake him up. I'll turn in" says
Jones. thine enough to get our stuff
off tomorrow, eh?" Fright you are"
responds Smith.
In ten minutes the wearied warrior
scribes are dead asleep. Forbes rises
cautiously, passing out like a ghost,
sits him down in q hidden corner with
the stump of Il tallow candle, writes
like a whirlwind for a couple of hours.
finishes with the last flicker of his
dip, saddles n horse, off he goes heller
SHELTER across the country, gallops for
an hour, delivers his letter, gallops
back, is in bed by 4, sleeps this time
like brass" and no mistake.
Hello, lazy bones" exclaims Smith
at Z a. M, shaking the sleeper. Thine
to be up. old man." adds Jones. What
are you up to-" quoth Forbes drowsily.
1--WE are thinking Of getting III stuff
off," The devil you are! Why hur-
ry? Let's have another snooZe."
At last Smith and Jones get their
their bepuzZlement that they were "A
hours behindhand. Very provoking
to Smith and Jones. But if Forbes
had been the victim of the little ruse
he would have been the first to laugh
over it and to congratulate his uc-
cesSful competitor.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
A Unique River.

Unique in its kind is no doubt the
Mocona waterfall in the South Ameri-
can republic of Uruguay, situated
about two miles below the mouth of
the Piperi Assn river into the Uru-
quay. A great rock divides the river
into two separate streams in such a
an that the right arm continues
its flow on the original level, while
the second arm falls gradually. so that
it finally lies % feet below the level
of the other arm The bed of the up
per part of the river is not very deep.
and the water flows partly in a right
angle to the river, thus forming a wa
terfall of more than two miles in
length.
This unique view presents itself to
the traveller. however. only during the
winter, for in the summer, and espe-
cially during the rainy season, the
Uruguay contains such immense guam
titles of water that both arms form
one single stream, navigable even for
the largest freight steamers. The fall
has been known for centuries. and a
description of it was published as early
as 1851 by the Rev. Antonius Sepp, a
missionary from Tyrol. who spent over
20 years among the Indians of Uru-
quay.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Two and FOur.

Two demanded the peremptory
conductor as he took a quarter from
the woman who had just struggled to
a place on the trolley.
mo, four" she replied.
Four fares were rung sharply, and
the conductor handed back 5 cents.
THAT isn't right" exclaimed the
woman Indignantly.
You said you wanted to pay for
four" retorted the trolley employee.
Il didn't" denied the woman. you
asked if my little boy was 2 years
old, and l said no.. he was 4. l sup
pose I'll have to pay for him if it's the
rule, but | don't think it's right
The remainder of the sentence was
lost in the discords that issued from
the throat of the enraged conductor.
who thrust ten pennies into the out
stretched hand and retired to the rear
platform to relieve his feelings more
fully by refusing to stop the al for
any one for ten blocks.-New York
Press.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
The Song of the L River

There is something peculiar about
the Yukon river that | have never
heard of in connection with any other
stream" said Captain Gray, who has
beer running boats on the big Alaska
artery. From the mouth Of the Yukon
up as far as there is any navigable
water the stream is constantly sing
ing. No matter where you are, there
is a sound like that made by escaping
steam. At first | used to think that
maybe it came from the boiler or en-
glnes. But when we were tied I'D at
night, with everything cold, the sound
was the same. l have puzzled nv
praln to find an explanation of the
phenomenon, but without avail. The
singing goes on day and night.
When you get up stream some dis
lance, you can also hear the rocks
rolling over the bed of the river. and
this produces a most peculiar sound -
Portland Telegram.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Oriental Punishmenfa.

The heather Chinee deems the desc
Grafton Of graves n of the most I'M
p~ardonable of crimes, and, according
to law, any man finding another in
the act of robbing a graveyard may
legally kill the villain on the spot with
out fear of consequences.
If a Turkish baker palms off a loaf
Of bread on you that is proved to be
of less weight than it is represented,
you can instruct q policeman to nail
the defaulter by one of his ears to the
door of his shop SO as to be in full view
of the passersby. The poor wretch will
then be provided with a sharp dagger
or knife, with which he can cut himself
fee so soon as he can summO up the
necessary courage required for the Op-
Grafton of self manning.
In many Of the oriental countries,
where precious stones are looked upon
as well nigh sacred objects, it is no
uncommon thing for a jewel robber to
be punished with death. In Tibet the
penalty for falling from your horse
when taking part in any military OPP
erations or public athletics is death.
One writer recalls how he saw a man
shot in Montenegro for appearing at q
review wearing a stained uniform.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
A Natural

Buenos Ayres seems to have the
largest rocking stone" yet discovered.
1t is situated on the slope of the noun
tain of Tandil, in the southern part of
the province, and measures 80 feet
long by IS feet broad and is "a feet
high. Its bulk is 5000 cubic feet, and
it weighs at least % tons. Neverthe-
less, it is so beautifully poised that a
single person can set it rocking. When
the wind blows from the southeast.
the stone, which is pyramidal in form,
sways to and fro on it's foundation
like the branches of a tree.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Old Teeth Bought.

The following curious advertisement
recently appeared in a London paper:
"Old False Teeth Bought.-Many Ia
dies and gentlemen have by them old
or disused false teeth. which might as
well be turned into money. Messrs. r.
d. and ]. B. -, Of - establish
ed since 1889. buy old false teeth. If
you send your teeth to them, they will
remit you by return post the utmost
value; or if preferred they will make
you the best offer and hold the teeth
over for your reply. If reference is
necessary, apply to Messrs. -, bank
ers, Ipswich"
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
A Natural Lighthouse.

StrombOli, one Of the Lipari islands,
has constantly and usefully performed
the function of a lighthouse for at least
1000 years. Circular in outline, the
island eliminates in a cOnical shaped
elevation. due to past volcanic agen-
cy. which rises to the height Of 5000
feet above sea level and is visible over
al area having a radius of more than
100 miles. During the day masses of
vapor are seen issuing from a point
high up the mountain side. and at
night successive displays of red light,
varying in duration and intensity.
somewhat resemble those Of the gigan-
tic fiashlight on the coast. The flashes
last from under one to over 20 minutes.
gradually increasing to a ruddy glow
and as gradually fading away.
This island is referred to by several
very ancient writer's as the great nat
ural pharoS Of the western Mediter-
ranean Now it serves the same DUR
pose for the constant stream of traf-
fc passing to and from the French
and Italian ports in the CULTS Of Genoa
and of Lyons. through the straits of
Messina. for which Stromboli acts as
a leading light. To such an extent
is this the case that. although the other
principal islands of the Lipari archi-
pelago are marked by lighthouses.
nothing of the kind is placed upon
StrombOli.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
They Chnnged.

Az n dinner party the other day a
well known and deservedly popuial
dramatist took d lady down to INNER
neither knowing who the other was
AS a subject the theater was starteu'
as II Is so often under similar circum-
stances.
81 can't think why they have reVlv-
ed that piece at the Kings" TIE LADY
said. 81 never liked it, and It's SO
worn that should have done better
than that?'
Yes" the dramatist replied. per
haps so. 1t was one of my first pieces.
however, and | had not had much ex-
p~erience when | wrote it. Let's change
the subject"
The lady was quite ready to do so
and wished. no doubt. that she had
known who her neighbOr was. He
presently said:
"Are you interested in the Fenton
case?" speaking of u cause celebre
that was in progress.
Yes. I've read all the evidence"
vas the reply.
Hell lose it, of course" the drama
fist went on. HE eve could have
had the faintest chance from the first.
It's a marvel to me how any lawyer
could have been idiot enough to allow
such q case to go into courti'
"Nell." answered the lady quietly.
my husband was the idiot. Let's
change the subject"
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Couldn't See the Joke.

Once Offenbach graciously accepted
the invitation of some friends to visit
them in Etretat. AS his hosts were
waiting for him at the hotel, one of
them, who was very intimate with the
composer, suggested:
LET us give him q rousing well
come"
The idea was taken up and devel-
oped. One of the party possessed a
collection of old weapons. This was
%ransacked. and some two dozen young
fellows were soon equipped as halberd-
iers. Another mounted a donkey and
waved the flag of the club.
When Ofenbach's carriage came
in sight, a drum beat, the halberdiers
presented arms and fireworks were
set off from the balcony at 3 o'clock
in the afternoon.
AS the composer stepped to the
ground a venerable old man approach
ed and presented to him the key of the
hotel on a silver platter.
Offenbach, vain as a peacock and
accustomed to all sorts of queer re-
ceptions, entirely failed to see the joke,
though it was as broad as anything
in 1.-THE Grand Duchess or La Belle
Helene" He took it all seriously as
a tribute to his genius, and, with tears
in his eyes and in a voice that shook
with emotion, he murmured:
Gentlemen, this is too much. too
muchi"
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
RattIesnake Poison,

Years ago. when | was a boy at
home" said a southern man, IAN I'M
Gle Of mine. who lived near Mont
gomery. was out on his plantation one
day when he say all enormous rattle
snake stretched in a furrow of a cot
ton field. He seized a hoe lying near
by and made a pass at the monster.
At the same time it struck out at him
and broke off II of it's fangs on the
edge of the hoe blade. My uncle dis
patched the snake and then picked up
the fang and brought it to the house
as a curiosity. 1t was sharp as a
needle, and a faint yellow stain at the
tip showed where some of the virus
had eXuded.
THE bit of bone lay for at least three
or four years in an ebony box on my
uncle'S writing table in his study,
when one day a stupid negro servant
girl, not knowing what it was, used
it to extract a splinter from her thumb.
In less than an hour her whole lower
arm was swollen, and she exhibited
all the characteristic symptoms of
snake poison.
MY uncle had studied medicine and
by prompt measures saved the girls
life, but for some mysterious reason
gangrene subsequently appeared in her
arm. and a%mputation was necessary.
My uncle lost no time in burning his
murderous relic"
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1900-10-12
Look These Up.

In many educational journals nova,
days we see pronunciation tests, catch
words, ETC., which may be valuable for
technical use and yet not being needed
every day in everyday talk are, like
certain folks | know, chiefly interest
Ing on public occasions. l should like
to put down here a list of words that
are very generally misprOnounced.
Everybody knows how to pronounce
them perhaps, but being such common
little things. mere street waits, with
unwashed faces. nobody takes the trou-
bic to speak them fair" Now, to
know what is our duty and fail to do
it Is a much more culpable thing than
not to do 1t because we don't know
what our duty is. So here they are,
little, commonplace creatures, which
are mispronounced every day:
Toward, again. babe, brooch, april
cot, often. catch. hearth, aye. lien.
bouquet. ague. bleat. rise (noun), arc
tic. shone. route, gaunt, canine, juve-
nile, infidel. corporal. tete-a-tete. trous-
seau, amendment, restaurant, bicycle,
were, recipe. frontier. depot. process,
recess, romance. TRADE. essay. tarpau-
lin, o
The above are In common use and Of
common abuse. Some of them of course
ONE from our sister. France, and
people are likely to say that they are
not expected to pronounce foreign
words correctly.-Texas School Jour
nal.