Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1900-01-19

UUu \ like lle SlIs uNH yOu UV1 ,
know what's good, sir."-Life.
whats the difference between foot.
ball and warp ''Foot-ball 10 war with.
out any human object in vicw.-Ex.
Teacher (angrily)-Why don't you an
swer my question. Bobby? His BROTH
er Tommy answering for him.
Please, sir. he's got a peppermint in
his speech.-Tit-Bits.
Miss Thirty-smith (sevcrely)-A man
should never call on a girl after drink
ing. Jack Swift (cheerfully)-Thats q
fact. Many a man has become engaged
in just that way.-Puck.
Fuddy-You call money stamps"
don't you? Duddy-And money is cur.
rency. So ! suppose when you speak
of an elastic currency you refer to rub
Der stamps.-Boston Transcript.
Didn't move him: "Well, did the boss
give you a raise?" NO." Not even
when you told Inn you had grown gray
in his '~service?" mo. Gave ME the
name of a good hairdye."-Puck.
Mr.. Snell-What are you crying for,
Elsie? His little daughter-Tve just
.ead that the diamond mines may be
exhausted in seven years, and it's eight
before my coming out!-ewelers'
Weekly.
"From what 1 hear, Mr.. Earnestly,
that son of yours Mt college is a little
fast" "a little fast!' repeated the old
man disdainfully. HE holds the ANA
teur record as q 1OO-yard sprinter."-
Detroit Free Press.
Wallace-There is nothing like matri-
mony to make a man appreciate the
value Of money. F~erry-That's so. A
dollar q man gives to his wife does
look bigger to him than any other dol
lar.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Uncle Hiram-What kind er thing is
that that woman's got Oh her neck,
Mandy? His niece-That's a chinchil-
Ia collar. uncle. Uncle Hiram-Chin--
:hiller, hey? l want to know! Blessed
IL 1 didn't think twas a chin-warmer.
Bazaar.
GLOW still they are" remarked Mrs.
Fogg, apropos Of the young couple in
the next room. EYES," replied Mr..
Fogg, "it reminds me Of my army days.
1t was always wonderfully quiet just
previous to an Observation-Disclosures
Transcript.
Diplomacy: Mrs. Neighbors-I ad-
vertised for q plain cook last week, but
didn't receive n single reply. Mrs.
Nextdoor-Take my advice and adver-
tise for a good-looking kitchen lady.
and you'll be overrun with aplica-
tions.-Chicago News.
$50 our friend is going to leave poll
tics?" HE u.s." answered Senator Sor-
ghum, "if he knows what's good for
him. sit is too bad to lose him; hc
vas such an accomplished wire-pull-
ar." Eyes; but he got hold of a live
~wire.-Washington Star.
"Oh, Toni" exclaimed the bride of
six months, what do you think?
Mother says she wants her body Gre
mated" sSle does, eh?'' said the hus-
band: "well, tell her to get ready. and
I'll take her over to the crematory the
first thing in the morning.'-Ex.
Young lady Ito married sister)-Do
tell me an appropriate present to give
a new baby. Married sister, know
just the thing-these little jewclcd
safety-pins. Baby, darling. had one
given him six months ago and l have
worn it ever since.-Harlem Life.
What did Noah live on when the
in the ark were exhausted?" asked q
Washington Sunday school teacher of
her class. II Know" squeaked a little
girl, after the others had given up.
We'll, what?" inquired the teacher.
'Dry land"
Its Beauty Departed: Wife Crushing
toward shop window)-Oh, look here!
Husband-Well. 1 declare! There is
one of the t%ete-a-tete lamps you were
admiring at Mrs. De Styles. Wife
Suddenly %stopping) = Horros! It's
marked "Only two dollars. '"-New
York Weekly.
Grigson-Excuse me. Mitwin, but
why is it that people of your name are
generally such c%onfounded bores? Nit
win-I don't know. How many persons
of my name did you ever know? Orig
son-By George! come to think of 1t,
you are the only one 1 ever knew.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
"You see. it was this way: They were
all three so dead in love with her and
all so eligible that to settle the matter
she agreed to marry the one who should
guess the nearest to her age" "And
did she:' 81 don't know. 1 know that
she married the u that guessed the
lowest."-Pearson's Weekly.
Speaking of Cuban uprisings and in-
surrections," said Wallace, 81 shall new
er forget one that occurred twenty
years ago." We're you PRESENT. asked
Ferry. very much so. It happened
about five minutes after I had lighted
one of my fathers big black Havana
cigars.'-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Asking too much: American girl
And If l marry you will I live in an old
English castle. with turrets and bat