The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-08-09
THE HICKORY ELM CLUB
MEETING FOLLOWING ATTENDANCE
ON THE BRYAN NOTIFICATION.
Colonel Snort Gives His Impressions of
Dryan's Speech and Offers a Re-
ward for Definition

night. The heat and fatigue or the day
had been something awful. Colonel Garlic
of a lame foot and Captain
Isaiah Skidmonk said he was never as tired
since he was born
Major Biff, who had been on the re-
ception committee, gave notice that he
would positively decline hereafter to risk
his life under a subtropical sun in vain at
tempt to create enthusiasm for any candi-
cate for President. He said the next time
Colonel Bryan came to town to be informed
as to something that took place up on the
Missouri river a month before, he would
pick his reception committee from the sun
tanned members of the police force
The President was the only member OF
the club who looked fresh and seemed
happy and satisfied. 81 want TO thank the
Hickory Elm Club" said he, for the
great interest it appeared to take in the
notification proceedings. You stood the
ordeal bravely, and when Colonel Bryan
mentioned Imperialism there was no ap-
pearance of excitement, wonder, fear or
on the face of any of you
that l was able to detect. You were told at
the last meeting that there nothing in
il, and t am satisfied that you so under
stood it before Colonel Bryan got half
through. You feel now that your liberties
are secure, and that the only Imperialism
we have in this country at the present time
is in the mind of Colonel Bryan, in the
Democratic newspaper, and in the char
coal cartoon of the imaginative sketch ar
fist.
II am glad to note that Colonel Bryan
l. Ill, a. 10 Of art
Carolina. This timely omission will have
& good effect on the Democracy of Buck
town. 1t will stimulate our colored friends
and make it easier on the finance COM
mittee
COL. SHORTS IMPRESSIONS.
II take ii for granted that the members
of this club can all be relied on to stultify
themselves by giving cordial support to
the regular nominee of the party. Am
right or am 1 wrong? There being no re-
Spouse. will go ahead and give you some
Of the more lasting impressions which re-
ceived from Colonel Bryans speech In the
first place 1 was impressed with the idea
that he is a talker above the average. He
is said to bear some resemblance to the
late Stephen A. Douglas. Douglas was a
great talker, too, and If he had lived l
have no doubt he would have been colonel
III the civil
Il was disappointed at the general APP
rearance of Colonel Bryan. l expected TO
see a man with an iron jaw and BIZ
metallic cheek, but there was no indica-
ton of the presence of any of the minerals
about his physiognomy. His speech when
he got down to the discussion of the para
mount issue. namely, the crucifixiOn OF
the country on a cross of imperia ism, he
was dead earnest in his delivery, and mani
tested degree of seriousness that would
easily pass for sincerity before any mixed
company Of two Democrats anywhere in
the United States.
EFFECTS OF THE SPEECH.
''Of the effects of the speech on the
swelterng crowd. ! may say that / have
seldom seen anything like it, Old, gray
haired and long, bushy- whiskered citizens,
from Brown and Dubois counties, who had
chewed tobacco all their lives, stood SPELL
bound under the magic of his eloquence
and, forgetting to spit. became choked
with emotion and nicotine. Men came
from remote counties and States who never
saw Military Park before, and some who
started never got there at all, on account
of the destinations of profuse decorations
in popular alleys and side streets.
II was much impressed with the alb
sence of the usual noisy discussion of po-
litical issues with Republicans the
street corners during the day, and | called
to the fact, and inquired why it was. One
of them suggested that possibly the Kan
sas City platform forgot to raise any real
issue for campaign discussion. Said l,
how about Imperialism and the trusts?'
Said he. if Boss Croker, the ice man. is
going to manage your campaign in New
York you can't croak about trusts He
wouldn't permit his own party to interfere
with his private business, would he? As
to Imperialism, we are as ignorant as you
are of its meaning and application to any
thing that is going on in this country at
this time. You can make some Repub
licans mad by calling them imperialists, be-
cause they may think il is something hor-
rid, something rejecting on private char
acter, or on a female ancestor, but you
can't make them discuss the thing as
campaign issue, and you can't blame them
for getting mad and refusing to talk. Sup
pose some Republican should call you
doggoned, crOss-eyed, bow-legged parallel
dipped. wouldn't you get hot and fight in
a minute? Well, / guess, yes. You've got
the Republican party indicted for crime
you call imperialism" The statutes do
know what it is When you indicted us for
the crime of 1873. we knew what you meant
We were duly arraigned before the court,
the jury was impaneled, we went to trial
and you remember that the verdict was
acquittal, with a special finding that your
party had made an ass of itself. If we
knew definitely what you are aiming at
this time, we might conclude to enter a
put in some kind of a plea of justification
and go to trial, but as we are at present
advised there is nothing in it. and We'll fool
away no time in discussion
DEFINITION WANTED.
Now, what do you think of that?" in
qured the president. 'In view of the fore
going" said he, II think this club ought
to do some preliminary work before we go
into the campaign any further. We know
what the paramount issue is. We have
been informed by Colonel Bryan that it is
Imperialism, and nothing else. After learn
ing what the issue is it now behooves us
to ascertain what imperialism is. l have
made diligent search for some well-in-
formed member of our party who could
give a square-toed definition of imperial
ism, and have failed TO find the man. 1t is
one thing TO talk about thing you can't
see, hear, taste, touch or smell, but it is a
different thing TO tell what il is, so that
a crowd of unthinking anti-expansion Dem
ocrats can comprehend it. We have a
great deal of talk about electric currents.
and yet the scientist does not live that can
tell what an electric current is, or where
IL comes from.
LAS president of the Hickory Elm Club
/ shall take the responsibility of advertis-
ing for a definition of Imperialism. And to
make 1t an inducement for members of the
club to investigate 1 will pay out of the
treasury of this club 81 for the best defini-
tion 50. for the next best, S175 third mon
ey, and 80 cents TO the guesser who comes
under the wire for fourth place
II will name Messrs. Lumnlix and Skid
monk as referees, and Colonel Garlic time
keeper, the contest to take place any time