The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-01-14
FEWER CRADES IN TOWN |
People With Queer Notions NOt So
Numerous This Year.
The Seasons Product uf Unbalanced
EntIusinsts of n Harmless Sort.
Experience Of n Mnn Who Has In
vented n Gun which He Styles the
Twentieth Century Exterminutor.

| Cranks. men and women who want to
run the Government, and who contend that
they know just what the country needs
to be saved. have not been so numerous
around the Capitol this session; but
enough of them have appeared on the
scene to let the national lawmakers know
that there are plenty Of them left to press
on to Washington as soonsas any unusual
excitement occurs.
As a rule the crank who haunts the lob
by OF the House or Senate is a harmless
individual and the schemes advocated by
Some of them are so plausible
that the new Senator or Repre-
sentative will oftentines get in
terested before ascertaining that the
social refurmer.' deserving claimant =
inventor" or the chronic officeseeker'
has been carried away by some aim or
idea until he is not mentally normal. But
the experienced legislator has learned to
elude the wary crank with a cleverness
that almost amounts to genius
The most interesting individual OF the
deluded type to appear at the Capitol this
session is man of about fifty years. dress
ed plainly but neatly and wearing q full
beard that gives him the appearance of a
divine healer" But he Is not a divine
healer" he is an inventor and an organ
iZer. He came in on the floor of the House
last Tuesday. and after carefully survey
ing the scene wandered over to a group of
Democratic Representatives who were dis
cussing the latest news from the seat OF
strife in Kentucky and said: beg pardon,
gentlemen, but can you tell me where
may find a member of the Committee on
Military Affairs
One of the members. with an expert
enced eye, who can detect a crank at a
glance, took in the situation at once.
Yes" he replied; there is the chair
man of the committee. pointing to men,
Der from Kentucky who is noted for his
oratorical power and who was seated on
sofa.
Approaching the distinguished Kentuck
ian. the man with the abundant beard be-
gan: Mr.. Chairman. have been wanting
to see you for ten days l have just per-
fected my invention OF the greatest gun
the world has ever seen. 1t is a complete
destroyer. One gun is sufficient to ami
hilats an army of fifty thousand men.
Why. sir. my gun is so terribly powerful
as an exterminator OF armies that it will
really make war in the future impossible.
All need now is to secure sufficient money
to enable me TO obtain my patents in all
the countries of the world. In order TO ac
complish this, have started stock COM
pany and with the proceeds from the sale
of shares We will build plant here in
Washington to manufacture the guns,
which l have named the Twentieth Century
Exterminators. Don't you think that an
appropriate name?'
nj This poinf he fropn
Kentucky recovered from his surprise and
gasped for breath. The man with the
patent exterminator had talked so rapidly
that the kentuckian had not been given a
chance to get in a word. But when he had
recovered his power of speech he also
caught the sound OF a merry chuckle from
the experienced Representative who had
directed the gun inventor to the Chairman
Of the Military Affairs Committee" He
also realized that the man with the plans
for a wonderful weapon was harmless. and,
with all seriousness. the Kentucklan. who
is one of the jokers OF the House. said.
Yes. my friend that would be an appro-
pirate name. 1t carries fear with Il, and no
country would war against the nation arm
ed with the Twentieth Century Extermi-
nator.'. II you will let me on the ground
floor. l will cheerfully subscribe to a block
Of stock. provided of course. 1t is not be-
yoni my financial ability.
The gentleman who pointed me Out 10
yon. however. is one OF the richest men in
Congress. He is worth something like
$500, 000. 900. He is an inventor OF a grn
himself. Possibly you may interest him.
and. / dare say. you might induce him to
engage in partnership with you"
While the statesman was talking. the
eyes of the gun-inventor fairly danced.
DO you think he would be willing 10 ad-
vance me ten millions on account" he
asked. you know the stock OF my COM
pauy is worth $4,000 a share, and there is
a growing demand for 1t. How many
shares would you like?'
oh replied the Kentucklan. 81 am
afraid. my friend. We cannot make any
business arrangement this morning.
thought the stock was worth something.
A psltry ten thousand a share cannot in-
terest me. II my friend over there will
agree TO put in ten or twenty millions
and you will issue some preferred stock
at fifty thousand a share. why then | may
consider the proposition. You will have
to excuse me now. as I must attend a
meeting of my committee. Come see me
again"
The gentleman from the Blue Grass State
passed into the corridor. leaving the man
with the Twentieth Century Exterminator
scheme looking blankly into space. and
wondering whether he was asleep or awake.