The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-03-25
A HOMELY TALE.
Told at Session of Homely Mems
Club.
washington Starr

w dSulISlOn SldT-l
quite a few years ago." said the
leather-medal wearer of, the Homely
Mems club, "a homely but hustling
young man Of this lovely capital decid-
ed to make the break 10 see if the girl
Of his choice would have him. So he
asked her right out loud, without any
beating about the bush whatever.
" I've got a pretty good start said
he, without any undue imitation OF the
chest, but as a man who knew lust
where he stood, and 1 think III do
pretty we'll when it comes TO taking
care of you. know I'm not pretty,
but I think yCu'il find me square enough
when it comes to a question of treating
you right. l am likewise perfectly hon
est when l add that you are the only
girl in the world for me. How about
The only girl in the world for him
said No She had been devOting con-
siderable share of her time 10 the pc
TuSal OF one of Ouida'e story books,
Sherein, it seems. much is set down
concerning fascinating male persons OF
the general type Of beauty of Greek
gods. The homely but hustling young
man, being unable 10 conform in his
own person to such standards Of mas
culine lOveliness, unfortunately did not
appeal 10 the artistic side of the girl Of
his choice. Moreover, il appeared, from
some remarks which she let fall, that
she entertained sundry and divers ideals
with respect 10 what is called the
higher and nCSler which she feared the
honaely but hUstling young man would
be Cdte unable 10 assist her in reaiiz-
ing. With the conventional remark that
while she liked and respected him, it
could never be, she dismissed hrTn, and
returned to the peTusal of the story
books Of Ouida, while her elderly
mother set the bread for raising on the
kitchen table.
While the hOmcly but hustling
young man felt pretty sore over the
way he had been diShed he did not
swallow pulveTized glass, nor did he in
sert any leaden capsules into his frame.
On the contrary, he went to work With
all the energy of a beachconfber strip
ping wreck. 80 that Within a few
years after his dismissal by the girl Of
his choice his name figured quite eX-
tensSYely in the newspapers in connec-
ton with large real estate transactions,
profitable paving contracts, heavy deals
in sewer pipes and such like, and at
the end of one olympiad after the girl
OF his choice had thought to put him
Up III the ar d tLeciinii1g ~ UUnsitier
man found that he was in possession Of
more money than ne actually knew
what TO do with.
Meanwhile, the girl Of his choice,
who had refused to entertain his mat
ter-of-fact matrimonial beSeechmentS.
had met the Greek sod whom k5he had
been longing to have come into her
life, and married him. The Greek god
had bean enabled to take a degree at
a university through the overtime ex-
eFtiOnS of his sister, who was q dress
maker, and when he returned TO his
sisters humble home after taking his
degree he permitted her to continue
her overtime exeT'tions to the end that
he might be furnished high-grade
raim6nt and plenty of cigarette money
without the necessity on his part Of
toiling and Tnoiling for the same. Al
though there was never any question
as TO his personal beauty, the Greek
gCd who married the girl of the homely
but nustling young mans choice was
undeniably regarded everywhere as a
mutt Of the puTest ray serene. The
one or more blackened eyes which his
wife generally tried to cover over with
heavy veil were popularity attributed
to the prowess of her Greek gcd nus
band (although she always claimed
that she had fallen down stairs, or
something like that, and the frayed
and worn garments with which she
appareled herself and her two children
were accepted as side lights on the
character of the Greek god. who looked
runnlier and rummier as time sped on.
About 4 year ago the Greek god was
corralled by the mighty hand Of the
law and incontinently dumped into a
reformatory institution for a term of
two years and eleven months for at
taching other names than his own to
numerous pieces Of paper and realizing
upon the same divers punches of coin
WhereWith to purchase alcohol in vaTi-
Gus forms. His wife, who had been
taking in plain sewing, thereupon
seized the opportunity to obtain a
divorce from her Greek god A few
weeks after the granting Of the same
the homeIy but huStling young man
need I say that he is a member in eX-
cellent standing Of this CiUSb-drove up
to the door of her humble home in a
swell trap with red running gear,
hitehed to which was a pair Of match
ed blacks that had cost 1,509 frigi6
plunks, and said he to the girl Of his
choice. now a saddened and sObered
woman, with the Aulda end Of it cut
out SItogether-said he:
Do you remember the remarks 7
made to you on the last night we talk
ed together, several years ago.?
&c Yes jim said she, quietly.
Well, they still CO. said the home
" but hu5tling young man.
''Whereupon it came to pass that
they were quietly married in Baltimore
on the day after Christmas, and the
next day they might have been OBJ
served driving around Washington in
an open barouche, with a pair OF
mated blacks attached to the same,
and looking as happy as kittens next 70
a pan of milk.
(which is a true story I have told
in illustration of motto No. I of this