The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1900-05-12
THE FUNNY MAN
WOULD have been disappointed
By Kennett F. Harris.

if you had told me that you had
a previous engagement" said the man
WHO dealt in grain through the medi-
UNI of tapes and yellow bulletins to
the chronic d.yspeptic with the sad
expression of c~ountenance. Il
wouldn't have been the only one dis
appointed. either: the madam would
have gone into mourning. She thinks
you are about the whole thing when
il comes to entertaining a miscel-
laneous crowd that never heard you
before"
That's good" said the dyspeptic.
gratefully, as he sealcd himself at
the lunch counter. II like to hear
that. 1t makes me think thai have
not lived entirely in vain"
Don't mention it," said the grain
man Il thought it would please you.
so as it happened to be truth said
it. 1t wasn't any particular exertion
to say it, and | don't really deserve
mucl, credit. She told me once that
she thought you were awfully funny.
but she don't know how funny you
really are"
AT the same time" continued the
dyspeptic. Il would rather have been
invited for my more sterling and solid
qualities. | thought that your wire
knew and appreciated them. 1t gals
when ! am as good as told that it is
the mere brilliancy-the meretricious
brilliancy. | might say-of my con-
~versational and %anecdotal powers that
has got me the bid"
81 wouldn't eat any more of those
~douehnutS if | were YOU" suggested
the grain man. You'll suffer for il
later on and your family viii suffer
more or less. too. Honest. though,
and not with any intention of string
ing YOU, I'd like to know how you
got it,
I'm the legitimate way of business"
replied the d~yspeptic.
I'm referring to that coruscating
CAB OF yours"
I'm glad to notice that You don't
fall into the popular error OF think
ing i: comes naturally. | got it as ali
~-geniuses get their requirements. by
hard work. As a kid | was difident
and reserved"
You nave got bravely over it."
Certainly | have. but that was the
way ] started out. | was that kind of
a kid that when I was on a visit to
my Uncle Georges I only opened my
mouth once. except to put food into
it. in the three weeks that L was
there. OF course you understand that
said Yes and No and Thank YOU. l
believe l will take another piece but
I didn't attempt anything in the con-
~sersational way"
T"Except the once??
Except the once. The way that
ri.d cousin at dinner that day and
she had brought her baby along.
"Ve were about half way through
the dinner and they were all talking
? about the baby. After awhile there
was a let-up and | raised my eyes
from the tablecloth and saw my mar
ried cousin was looking at me. l
looked at her, too. She was no at all
a bad-iooking woman. but that wasn't
why. exactly. I guess / just looked
Mt her because | happened TO and |
hadn't the grit to break away. | felt
that nv face was getting hot. She
smiled at me sort of encouragingly.
but It didn't have 4 cooling effect. |
realized that it WAS up to me to say
something. so | said it. Even then |
was not the boy to shirk 4 RESPONSE
b;lity. / asked her: is il a boy or a
girlP'
eThe effect was something ire
mendous. My Uncle George let the
carving knife drop on the floor, ana
nv Cousin Caroline. who was rather
an idiotic kind OF a girl. sputtercd on
a glass of water she was drinking.
The rest of them didn't say anything
they just laughed. Say!
.And my Uncle George wiped his
ewes with his napkin and he remarked
{ in a choky kind of a voice: Why. VIII
liam. you're getting quite conversa-
t-ional.' Wouldn't that frost you??"
81 think" said the grain man. with
an air of thoughtful consideration. Il
think that it would have nipped me
about the edges, SO that l think I'd