Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1900-04-20
BISMARCK DAILY TRIBUNE: FRIDAY, April. 20 1900.
SOME PRAIRIE BREEzEs.
Va CENSUS Taking INCIDENT

SOME PRAIRIE BREEzEs.
a CENSUS TAKING INCIDENT.
Good morning. said the bland
young man with the pencil and the
pocket full of papers after he had jolted]
the door bell until !. rang out like a
buiglar alarm.
Good morning!!' snapped the spin
ster lady with the ascetic smile.
Your age, p~lease.' said the bland
young man taking out a blank and a
pencil. &ss
"sir!!!a exclaimed, the spinster
sourly, You are an impairment jack
anapes."
Cant help it Ma'am,' said the bland
young man cheerily. Better tell it
now or I'll have to approximate it.
You're losing time. If you don't an
sWer soon your next birthday will roll
around and down you'll go on the
records a year older"
"You brute" she said. what bus
mess is it of yours?'
None at all, Ma'am, none at all,''
admitted the bland young man. you.
might be four years older than the
| Sphinx and it wouldn't make a quar-
tiers worth of difference to me. You
might have played penuchle with
Solomon and wouldn't care a dash
of horseradish. It's your Uncle Sam
uel wants to know"
"tWho?" she asked. A
why, your Uncle Samuel. The
Red, White and Blue, you know. Old,
1776-the Star Spangled Banner, Hail
Columbia explained the bland young
man. &5
"Oh, you're the census taker," she
said. f@ 5
.Yep,'s said the Sblandyoung man.
We'll, I'm % years OF age" she.
said.
Better guess again. said the bland.
young man. "Everybody's entitled
to three guesses. All prizes and no
blanks; you know. Better tell the
whole truth while you remember. An
other pull and we'll have it all out, as
the dentist says"
We'll, that's all 1 am" she insisted.
Down she goes, then. Beautiful,
sweet and %. Now your full name,
address, date of birth, parents names,
place of residence, street, number, Am
erican or foreign extraction, year of
immigration, occupation, size of FAM
lily, brothers and sisters, how many,
names, occupations, v~egetarians, Chris
tian scientists or democrats, and any
other information you want to throw
mon the side
The maiden lady gasped. rs that
all she said.
Not on your yellow curls,' said the
IL hInn n Ia yyny1r O W N n rs fEsSt Nrnr n "a H. fhn
scab, hog-cholera, poll-evil, heaves,
CHAMBERS or distemper? Do you crib,
strike or-Hold on there, I guess I've
got the wrong bank he said. Got
hold of a live stock blank by mistake.
Now we start right again: Now
Ever had the measles, small pox or
any other contagious disease? Got
any of ,em now? Got any relatives
in the p~enitentiary! Ever get killed
in a railroad accident? Any tendency
to crime? Homicidal instinct strongly
developed? Father alive, and If SO
co, snuff, rum or morphine? Got any
birthmarks? Size Of shoe, hat, coll
lar, cuffs, gloves, and sh-Excuse me,
guess got hold of the gents laun-
try list there. Got any answers to
make"
you wretch, those questions are
not all down thereii"
"Oh, aren't they though" said the
bland young a Don't you get
feverish now Hang a monkey wrench
on your pulse and wait a minute.
Here's another question box: Are
you black, white OF c0lored? Teeth
false o. natural? Ever wear a wig?
Do you play the piano? Do you like
young onions? Are you single, mar
ried or neither? Got any corns, bum
ions, warts or frecklesa'
you get out or I'll call the dog
she screamed.
You sig the dog ION the United
States census department and you'll
regret it." said the bland young man.
Besides you haven't answered half
the questions yet. You've got to skip
the rope for half an hour yet. Do
you heat the house with steam, fur
mace or hot water? Does the sun
light ever freckle your lawn? Do
you toe in? Ever wear a glass eye?
What kind of garden sass do you like
best2 Ever plant pumpkin seeds
wrong side up and have EN- grow
down into the ground2 Are you an
expansionist, a pronibitionist or a
J Bryanite? Did you contribute any
thing to the Dewey home fund2 What
do you think of Helen Gould?"s
What does the census department