The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-08-11
main once q Dc Sold chunk. II 3

main Office OF the Solid Chunk, '.Tll 20
and bny.m stock. Z; Z Z.
81 & The Hon. ?. N. looked at me u mo-
ment with a queer expression in Che .
corner Of his eye and after pulling out
OF his breast pocket long yellow book,
he says: n s
HID Something to Say.
"AIr. Noonan, have something to
say ito YOU. You may have heard That
some OF our most distinguished citi-
5zens of the old town OF Wheeling have
i'reaped golden harvest outshere; most Of
them were Republicans, sir, and the
credit OF their good fortune Is given to
the present administration, from which
all blessings flow, and knowing your,
recent conversion to our, faith, I am 30.
Ing to give YOU aonic advice. : l find,'
says he, consultin' the yellow book I'm
held in his hand, that showed the names
of. oil the mines in Cripple Creek, anu
,castin his eye carefully down the LONG
column, I find, Mr.. Noonan, that the
Solid Chunk is 'lnsipld. j;ts
And where may that be, says /. Sure
the. man on the train said 1t was In
Cripple Creek"
THAT may be, says the wise post
master, but nevertheless It is insipid.'
By that I mean It Is weak, very much
like water, no responsible officers, no
standing, no development, net quoted
on the list, 1T Is organized simplylto
catch suckers. Keep out OF t'says he,
and I'll give you a good pointer
'Well. says ]. after l comprehendel
the scope of his remarks. Ids rather
have pointer just now than schoon-
er Of lager or even q whole basket of
shamaaln." i
well, says he, whlsperin' gently,in
my; ear, buy Isabella"
81 looked the postmaster in the eye
with one of my reproven glauces, and
said, "sir, you are married man
yourself. What do you suppose Mrs.
Noonan would do,if I bought another
wife out here. Besides, says I. IihnYe
deserted the Democratic party, and am
now a law abiden citizen, living in, the
moral state OF West Virginia, and not
down in the Sulu Islands" III
"Oh, he says. pardon me, Mr.. ,N6onan,
meant the Isabella mining stock. but
II you don't like that then buy Port
land" IL
Faith, says l, It Is beyond me means.
have just left me native town where l
pawnad me watch, and plastered, q
mortgage on me house and lot, and
I'm not investor in any municipalities.
Besides Portland Is way. out on the Pa
cIfc coast, where 1t may be subject to
4 Chinese invasion, ami would prefer
to have real estate further back In the
INTERIOR
You are off again says. me wise
friend. I mean Portland stock. Its 4
regular dividend payer. Itmade i GER
tain senator one. of our richest men in
the country. 1t may do the same for
you
Went Up to the Board.
That's the sole object Of me present
pursuit. says !. so come along and I'll
invest me mortgage money. And then
we went up TO the board. and me friend
whispered a word to little fellow, who
was hopping around on the floor just
like demented flea. who Immediately
jumped into the crowd inside the rail-
ing. and yelled loud enough to split |
your tynpanum: Two fifty Zone hun
drcd Portland Done" says tdnntiler
fellow, and then we and me good friend |
the P. NJ, went next door, and plank
ed down me $3.50 and got me certificate
Of stock"
"AndSyhat was that like? asked Pat"
II;s',Oh. 1t was q beautiful and artistic
dcsignsOn paper, with big red seal OIL
It, signed BY the President. and declnr-
In. that Michael Noonan was the owner
Of $50 shares of Portland"
"And how do you like your invest
ment?'. 81
well, ye see 1 got me first dividend |
few days after and now the price Is
up TO So 30, and as l stopped In Chicago
long enough to put hundred OF me
profits In some fancy silks and satlns
and furbelows for Mrs Noonan, I'm |
comin' home feelin' the war Is over, or
at least we. will have suspension OF
hostilitcs so long us Portland keeps on |
going toward the starry heavens
Upon Inc SOUL" says Patrick. ~ have
a notion to try me luck In Cripple |
Creek. What would you advise Mr. |
Nonan?" 49,. * - n. s .5S1l5 |
THE same advice the wise ,postmas4
ter gave me. Let the Wild cats and the |
solid chunks alone. Put your money |
into good properties. and buy 'em when
they're low an sell 'em when they're
high" ,s
But how is fellow to know that ?"
asked the benighted Patrick.
Indeed. you must ask me somethln' |
aisy?"S said Mr. Noonan. ut Is Just |
like the rise and fall OF the creeks md !
rivers. After long spell OF dry |
weather the stream runs low, and then |
comes the rain and flood. You get In |
at low. tide. but unless you arc presto
dent, a secretary or member OF the |
board. you had better not get In Mt nll." |
With this sQge advice. Mr.. Noonnn |
gathered up his grip, and left for home |
TO surprise Mrs. Noonan with his good |
fortune. HlsH t.#5a4s4f TsH, N
The woman who HT Il
puts her head In ~ |