The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1900-01-03
THE WAR CORRESPONDENT.
An Apocryphsi Episode of the Bocr-Brit
ish struggle Reported by Puck.


An Apocryphsi Episode of the Boer-Brit
ish Struggle Reported by Puck.
"Haltr' said Colonel Sir Grahame
Cholmondeley-Care Of the Bombay
Fusileors, in n commanding tone.
There was no need to speak so im'
periously. The troops were tired
toiling up tho side of the mountain,
aud they would have been glad to halt
at any time within the past two hours.
But Colonel Sir Grahame Cholmonde.
ley .Carew was accustomed to com.
mand, and he had acquired the habit
of talking like that.
T think" he said to Major Sir
Angus MacLaren Murgairoyd-Mac.
Leod, "it will be wise to send for.
ward accommodating party. The
Beers may have taken up position
at the base of the mountain and
should prefer to have them try their
internal Workmanship ON recon-
noitering party"
"Just so" said the Major; cit is
yell, in this blarsted country, dinun
ye ken, to find out what ye'ro up
against. Ye'll pardon the expression,
Colonel picked it up from the cor
respondent OF the New York Daily
Hustler"
81 have heard of the--aw--gentle.
man." said the Colonel, "but l have.
MT met him."
But just then wildeyed man
clambered rapidly up the side Of the
mountain.
"What the mischief does this mean?"
he said to the Colcnel. "Why stand
paltering here when the foe is before
us?"
The Colonel regarded him with a
hauteur that is seldom found outside
of novels designed for boarding school
consumption.
"Whc in thunder are you?" lie in
| quired.
The wild.eyed man returned the
hauteur on the spot, with sixty per
cent. interest.
'I'm the correspondent of the New
York Hustler" said he.
The Colonel, being an old Indian
campaigner, didn't lose his nerve,
though it was plainly not in the same
class with that OF the correspondent.
81 must humor this maniac," he
said TO himself
Then, speaking to the correspond
ent, he said: "My friend, am i to I'M.
derstand that you are running this
campaign"
"Sure" said the correspondent.
"That's what the editor sent me here
for The situation is just this. /
cabled my people, yesterday, that we
were on the eve Of big battle. I've
got New York excited. The people
are standing this minute in crowds, in
front of the bulletin boards. waiting
for news. feel it in my bones that
Extra No. II is going to press. And
You halt your regiment and dare to
disappont the readers of the Daily
Hustlerl"
"But," demonstrated the Colonel,
"you don't want me to lead my men to
possible slaughter. want to recon
noiter before we attack. j take it you
are not anxious to be shot"
"That's where you're wrong" said
the wild-eyed man. 'I nearly lost
my job for going through the Spanish
war without getting shot. You ought
to hear the roasting / got. L tried TO
explain to the editor that it was the
fault of the Spaniards, but he wouldn't
listen to me. "A war correspondent,
said he, should be ubiquitous, and il
he were really ubiquitous even the
Spaniards ought to be able to hit him.
Didn't the Daily Shouter man get
shot? When bullets are flying the
Hustler expects its share. We dom,
insist on n serious wound-a flesh
wound will do--but remember that we
pay you to be ubiquitous.
"Well," said the Colonel, "suppose
you go with the accommodating party
"Reconnoitering party, be blowedp
said the correspondent. "What
want is battle"
I'm due time" said the Colonel,
soothingly, "but not until after We
reconnoiter."
"You persist in this Internal oh.
stinacy? You decline to advance
without further delay?"
"I do, said the Colonel.
"Then listen, Sir Grahame Clol
! mondeley- -Carew! shall denounc,
you to the American public as an in
, competent aristocratic British ass"
The Colonel shuddered, but. by
great effort, he regained his con,po
|, sure, and adjusted his monocle.
'Remove this person" he said t.
Tommy Atkins. And Tommy Atkini
advanced-his not to reason why. hi
not to make reply-and bore tn
, struggling correspondent TO the rear
| aud deposited him on rock amoni
the ammunition wagons, and stoo'
rrnarl nunr him, t1, aa.. that ha Ilil ,