davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
STARTLING EFFECT or PINS
Contained something DiRerent
i, from Delicious Bonbons.

y A south-bound West side car was the
stage in which Was-enacted little
comedy one extraordinarily. When
a car pulled into the INSTRUMENTATION,
Kansas City, Kan; Two high schpoTg girls
+withItheir books were dmohRjathe pas-
sengers. When the station VIZ reached
the GIRLS werf inaaniinsteds esonveEsa-
ton, Each had a large papeT sack which
might have contained Scsndy, butt in
which was q thin weed figure used in
mathematical DEMONSTRATION The
wood used I'm making thesagupes Was
thin and the joints were fastened by
meanstof pins. One girl, LAID her pre-
cions sack on the seat byhers side and
continued the jcotvelsatipn il the car
sped away from the station: 1.r
An elderly and ,portly nan who got
on the car at, the Rivesview station es-
sayed to- SIT next to the ,sffls. Il 1T
CHANGED that he chose the seat next
where the bag was resting. Heidi not
notice the paper. He had4eht his, RQay
in the act of sitting till IL Naa inpes-
sible for him to recover himself when
~ OSOCNOCSA UAC oOuuu ! ~ D1CdAlA$Sssi
wood. He was much surprised, and.
looked as though he expected; the car.
side to give way: and ,precipitate him to
the street. At the fl st sound of the
breaking wood the girls simultaneous
ly and heartily laughed aloud. The
rest of the passengers joined in. The
elderly man continued to sit, because
he could not help himself. When he
was down he sprang up again with
startling rapidity :, that seemed to
presage an intention of going through
the car window on the other side. The
pins with which the geometrical figures
were fastened together had gotten in
their work. - -.~..j
: He turned to the J. schoolgirl and
asked, in a wounded tone: "What was
that?" The girl explained the figures
and their use, and gathered the sack
with it's splintered equilateral triangle
into her arms and continued to laugh
heartily. At length the elderly man APP
preciated the joke and laughed with
the other passengers.-Kansas City
Journal
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
TWO YOUNG CIGARETTE r1ENps.

ton, and s nay other generations,
perhaps 1tis Inns demons trated that
the intellect 81 Tie plant ation negro is
not capable 81 being enlightened to the
intellectual standpoint OF average cit
izenship, Of that lie is interested in the
science .of yOyornment. ny observa-
ana, Alabama, Tepnsssee and Virginia
failed Il denote an Material progress d
of the darky from His former contdi-
ton. This applies to the former slave
and the new niger as the later gen.
Grafton SIS styled. He still grovels In
the superstitions 81 his remote ances-
tors and firmly believes in, witches and
witchcraft. 2z5.s 'a' s,5ssss E'st55 >s8E 2
The schools and churches, p, with
which they are well supplied, have not
removed these delusionsI from. his
cloud brain, impqsted from Africa and
the We4t Indies. The Intelligent,
voter and citizen, = who determines the
rights Of others and constructs the law
to his own dark way Of thinking, stin
believes thSt the placing 81 frog
under the doorstep Of an enemy win
Eesnss the dealt spf that person whanI
II ! ST. >s 80
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
SPANIARDS AND BRITISH.
A Battle in Which q Namesake Of Gen
Butler Figured COnspicu-
OuslY.

Truly history repeats itself. If the
Gen. Butler of our day has met with
some ill luck in the Transvaal he has
not been more unlucky than name.
sake of his, and probably an ancestor,
who fought two centuries and half
ago against the Spaniards.
On April IA, 1865, a British squad
ron with 5000 men on board was seen
off the south coast of Santo Domingo,
and a few hours later the troops land
ed, one detachment being under the
command of Capt. Butler, and the 9TH
er, the main body, under the command
of Gen. Venables. The plan was to at.
tack the Spaniards at two points, and
with this object Venables and his men
landed at q place IL hours distant
from Buffers detachment. ..
Then followed a three days march
over burning sand and through thick
jungles. Bravely Butler and his
troops toiled along, but their provi-
sions were scanty and Of poor, quality;
the weather was overpowering, and
somehow all things seemed to con-
spire against them. On April 10 a
sharp and decisive battle took place.
The Spaniards had carefully con-
cealed themselves from view, and they
poured whitening fire into the Brit
ish before the latter were even aware
of their presence. The British officers
fell and the soldiers saw no, other
course was open to them but to re-
treat. So they fell back steadily, but
their retreat was soon changed to
flight, for second Spanish force met
them. as they were returning and
thinned their ranks still more. AS a
result the British abandoned the at
tempt to take Santo Domingo.
The news of this disaster caused an
immense sensation in official circles in
England, and every possible attempt
was made to prevent it from coming
to the ears of the people. That this
attempt was successful seems evident
from the fact that many English his.
torians do not seem to have been
aware of the incident.--N. Y. Herald.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
i. Ia. crossed shs shlssholas! Is Is s

he has crossed the threShoid. Hs S 8
Is the polls to exercise shis rrights IL
our scheme Of government, carrying
In his pocket the left hind foot Of, q
rabbit killed in . graveyard Ct mid.
night at full moon ! This not only
brings to'him good luck generally, but
protects him from personal danger.
AS an ,eyidence. Of their little faith
in themselves they prefer, as rule,
to be tried by white juries.e Their 50.
perstitions' are SO, numerous that tho
white people give very little attention
toathe1n,, and on the more important
scaaes the negro is generally excused"
from jury service. Z: There are not
many people in this age Of learning
WHO would feel safe in. being tried By
2 s.jury Of peers composed Of me-
groes who believe iii the rabbit-fqot
and frog theories, and who frequently
hold close communion with GHOSTS =
The razor IL the. darky's favorite
weapon--it is q greater talisman than
the rabbits foot, and more effective.
Al carry razors,, both men and wom-
EN-, and to all places-the polls, tho
Jury BOX, the dance and the church.
. Three fonrths OF. the crimes commit.
ted in any southern community, on an
average, are due to negroes, while
they contribute little or nothing to.
wsrds the expenses of local govern
ment. Their natural ignorance is tho
principa cause Of so many "misunder.
standings" Another is the frequent
use of very bad whisky. .
The Saturday night dance is fruit
full source of disturbances. On these
nights '.razors are in the air." but tho
festivities are not marred by the
carving of few, unless it is to thu
death, when the function suddenly
comes to period. They do not obey
the us ual Injunction: "Lebe yer raz-
ger at de do" regarding it as mers
form. Neither is it etiquette to
search one for weapons-that would
bring on an engagement. The same
habit prevails at weddings. It is not
always that disturbances occur, but
when they do the frazer" cuts on
important figure. The courts seem
to be powerless to stop the practice
Of carrying such weapons. From the
fact that all negroes carry them,
there are few infermers among them.
Those. who do, however, give such IN
formation become subjects for cary
ing by the aggrieved ones, and tbs
rabbits foot is of no protection.
The marriage and ttvorce system,
or rather the lack of the latter, is 4
strange custom in negro life.. They
initiate white people in their mar.
riages, even as to style, but their "di'
vorce" system is an improvement
upon the Oklahoma quick and easy
style. While they are willing to pay
two dollars for license, they rarely
sue for divorce. Not that they care
so much for the publicity as the ex.
pense. They just quit-and that ends
it. In very short time both find
other affinities. Prosecution seldo:a
follows these informal divorces and
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27

new world by the Spaniards, and from
this island and Cuba it spread to the
gulf states. The negroes brought
from the African coast, from whence
they were kidnapped, their barbarisms
and superstitions and their inca
pacity for self-government. There
they lived in tribes, warred upon each
other, and the more powerful sold
their neighbors into bondage. For
centuries the experiment of self-gov-
eminent was tried in Africa, and that
country has steadily deteriorated in
population, morals and in tribal gov
ernments.
The. experiment Of self-government,
OF rather negro government, was tried
in the late rebellious states of the
south after the conclusion Of the civil
war. True, they had corrupt white
men for leaders, and every state was
plundered. But the negroes were in
the majority, and the white carpet
baggers'' would have been powerless
had the negroes not been easy to cor
rupt. Will it not be the same In
Porto Rico and in the Philippines?
While the negroes of the south had
been born and reared in slavery they
knew what freedom was by comparing
their burdensQme lives to those of
their masters who lived in ease upon
their labor. Yet, when the opportu-
nifty came, the negro did not appre-
ciate it, and went in for. plumber. After
IS years of freedom he is scarcely more
qualified for self-governmentth than when
liberated at the close of the war. By
nature he is Indifferent to govern
ment, and cares not who governs, so
long as he is undisturbed in his "happy
go-lucky" manner of living. While the
slave generation was not expected to
make much progress in education, OF
In ideas of self-government, much, was
expected of the newer generation, es-
pecially by the ''theorists'' who. be-
ieved that the negro was capable of
self-government. Though the negroes
have had the advantage of public
schools for more than . third of q
century, the advance, of the generation
born in the south since the war has
been very slow. There are few ex-
ceptio1al cases where a negro has
risen above the average mass of his
people, but in most of these cases the
white blood predominated, and to this
fact his rise is mainly attributable. 1t
is the same in Porto Rico, in Cuba and
the Philippines. The south may be
taken as an illustration of the incapa-
biity Of these islands for self-govern-
ment. The. negroes Of the south have
not demonstrated their fitness for self
govern ent. They are little better ed
ucated than were their slave parents:
The children of this second generation
show the same indifference to educa-
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
NEGROE AS VOTERS.
Gsssg4sr.., =
~ Are Indifferent to
svssas NIL Aaairs.


Especial Nsv Orleans Lsttsr:l 80 a.,
rT~RAvELERsS in tn southsrn
statea esp4 cially u al6ne tn ulf
! coast, are impressed With Tie
indifference of the great mass OF the
negroes in governmental affairs. This
may serve as an illustration for the
mixed populations in the West Indian
islands and the Philippines. In our
new possession Of Porto Rico, which
some Of our people wish to erect into
ssserritory, negroes predominate, and
there 70 also a large population <ef
mixed blood. These are as incapable Of
'Ssi&sgcyernment AZ are the full blood
ed negroes. This 10 the spot where
African slavery was introduced In the
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
BRIDE IN NEW ROLE.
Acts - Director at Her own weddias
.-0Aits the Regulation wedding
= Gown ana Attendant. -'

Standing in the brick Presbyterian
church at New York the other after.
noon, just prior to the ceremony which
made her the bride Of DR., Charles
Thorndyke Parker, Miss Susan De For.
est Day gave order after order concern
ing, the arrangements as if she were
upon the deck of her yacht, the Scyth-
ian. Miss Days freedom from conven-
Stionality was marked by the omission
Of the regulation wedding gown and
any attendants. James P. Parker, OF
Boston, was the bridegroom's best
man. "1z =
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
not discriminate between certain high
school teachers. 49,

not discriminate between certain high
school Teachers
There were many other speeches on
the. subject, in which 3 congressman
give their experiences with the in
creased salary seekers; and the pro
posed; increase was not made. The
people Of this country are not taxed
enough to hurt them or to- make
them feel it as the poor people of 9TH
er countries feel the burden. Never
theless the, salaries paid to our gov
eminent officials are ample, and mil.
lions of dollars are expended which
might be saved with greater economy
in the Legislative and executive
branches of the government. The
dear people do not hesitate to get all
out of the government that they can.
It is not so alone in this country, but
is so in all countries, and has been so
in all time.
What ''UncleT Loren" Fletcher says
about the difficulty of securing ap-
pointments is entirely true. The civil
service law, which has never been an
adequate protection for government
clerks, bars out many worthy people.
It has never been properly admins.
tered, and is not now properly admin
istered, Men and women of excellent
education and ability are unable to Sc
cure employment in the civil service
because they cannot pass the con-
temptibly unbusinesslike examina-
tions: because they cannot answer
questions in geography, arithmetic or
algebra which have nothing whatever
to do with the work to be done by
government clerks.
"There is one paramount reason why
these promotion-hunters are exasper-
ating to practical congressman" added
Mr.. Fletcher, land that is their lack of
appreciation of their superior advan-
tages and environments. They only
work from nine o'clock in the morning
until four o'clock in the afternoon.
That constitutes days work; and
they have half an hour for lunch at the
noontide, when people in the states are
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27

"comm on law" marriages. They ara
80 numerous that the people do not
care to burden the local governments
with t he expense. The minister's fee
Is usually one dollar, seldom more,
Notwithstanding his placarded hint:
"De Lawd Lubs de Cheerful Giber.''
Strictly construed, it means that the
minister wants a raise from the usual
fee. -. n. !, .-
While the negro has made, little. Of
no progress in education and in gov.
ernmental affairs, he is getting along
in other directions. He is mastering
the mysteries of that great and popu.
lar game "poker." Some of them are
adopts in the art of holding OUT big
cards and good hands," The methods
adopted by the darby adept are print.
tive, but perhaps as effective as hold
ing cards up the sleeve, or secreting
them in the "patent vest" device used
by white gamblers. In a "gemmen'a
game" it is in bad form for a darby ia
remove his. shoes from his feet. This
is considered as prima facie evidence
of an intent to "skin" his friend.
The darby also keeps pace with his
white brother in the cigarette habit,
and he. begins about as early as the
other youth, but it is not believed that
he lives; as long under it.
IS The negro ''progresses'' in our voices,
but does not seem capable of advancing
Intellectually. Before he can do so, his
superstftions must be removed. How
long this will require may be estimat-
ed from his slow progress during the
past IS. years. The same reasoning
may apply to our Porto Rican neigh
bors, who are asking for self-govern.
ment. ]. NJ. sCANI.AND.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
. How Polly Knew.

A, "befo' -de-war" .matron was teach
ing one of the little darkies ON. her
plantation how to spell. The primer
she used was a pictorial one, and over
each word was it's accompanying pie-'
ture, and Polly glibly spelled ''o-x, OK, I"
and "b-o-x, box" etc. But the teacher
thought she was making too rapid
progress; SO she put her hand over the
picture and sand: "Polly, what does
OK spell?" "Ox," answered Polly,
nimb1y. How do you know. that it
spells OK, Polly?' '"Seed his TAIL" re-
piled the apt Folly.-Argonaut.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27

Courts-martial8are regulated BY the
mutiny act, drst passed IN 1890. The
powers Of these courts were much dis
cussed in 1885,, In consequence Of the
measures used to suppress the negro
insurrection in Jamaica in October,
1866. Summary court-martial was abol-
ished BY statute in April, 1898. Military
or martial law is built on no settled
principle, but is entirely arbitrary, and,
in truth, no law, but sometimes in
dulged, rather than allowed, as law.
It has been several times proclaimed in
several parts of these kingdoms, and
in 1898 was almost general in Ireland,
where it was also proclaimed in 1902
Newcastle (England) Chronicle.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
Suppressed Emotion,


'"'Did you take any interest in the
last election?''
"Interest!" echoed Senator Sorghum,
in ,grieved accents. II was mighty
lucky to get my. principal back
Washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
Too. Late.

/ Stranger am literary man,
madam, and am looking for room.
Have you anything that will suit me?
Landlady -No, sir. I've Just rented
my last hall bedroom to = poet~Har
lem Lite, No. :
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
A Mean sugEestion,

The manager Of q St. Louis theater
has. announced that no mother-in-law
Jokes will be tolerated in his house.
Perhaps, says the Chicago Times;Her.
aid, wifie's mamma has come to live
with him. ''' ~ = Ses@ 4
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27

taking their dinners. They call it
lunch in this city. Nobody gets less
than $50 per month, and very few get
less than SIS per month.
snow every congressman knows
scores of good people in his own district
who live on $40 or $50 per month, and
they work from sun-up until shutdown.
The young men who work in railroad
Offices: or in large stores, and get SIS
per month, are able to get married and
rear families, and be satisfied. I have
in mind three excellent young men
right now who would be glad to have
the opportunity to come here at $50 per
month, and they would make good
clerks. But the civil service law bars
them out of government employment.
While I would be glad to help them, I
know from experience that as soon as
they might receive appointments here,
they would begin nagging me for pro-
motions, just as the others have done,
instead of waiting for advancement on
their own merits"
While all of this is true, and while it
only tells half of the story of what the
congressman endure, it is only fair to
point to the fact that all of us are try
ing to better our conditions, and that
this instructive mental process is at the
root Of all of this promotion-hunting. It
is in the heart of every man and every
woman to be not dissatisfied, but un-
satisfied. The trouble is, that they are
in too big hurry. Montesquieu says:
Success in most things depends on
knowing how long it takes to succeed"
Confucius says: "Our greatest glory
is not in never falling; but in rising
every time we fall" But government
clerks are not philosophers, nor readers
of PHILOSOPHERS, and hence do not de-
serve uncharitable description in tell
ing their story.
The trouble with the clerks is that
they permit their selfish desires to in
duce themto make too much haste, and
therefore too little speed. The trouble
with the congressman is that they are
too busy in their own self.seeking to be
charitable to those who are also trying
to hasten their own betterment. The
congressman are all trying to be SEN
ators or presidents, and the govern
sment clerks are all trying to become
chiefs of divisions, or chiefs of depart
;ments. Probably nowhere else on this
continent do we find human nature rub
bling against human nature with so
much friction as right here.
With charity for all, it may neverthe-
less be said that the government clerks
certainly overdo their cause, because
they are all asking something for moth
ing. They are asking the congressman
to advance them, while they are utter
~ powerless to do any thing to advance
the congressman. This salient fact all
OF them overlook. SMITH d. FRY.
Suppressed Emotion.
Sniff -Skoopley's wife 10 the bravest
and coolest person I ever saw.
Shawe-Ah! she looks like q very
ordinary woman.
Sniff know it; but I visited there
while her baby was cutting his first
tooth. You may not believe it, but
at the time nothing in that woman's
conduct would lead anyone to suspec.
that anything unusual was going on!
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
~ We IfTETEI-T
How He WAS Inaul1

HE insult ed me-" said the 4legis-
lator.s
"Indeed?" returned the plain citi,
zen. Offered you money, supposeT p
"Oh, it wasn't thai replied the leg
islator, "but he underestimated my
price" Chicago Post. =.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
the Cause Of His Anxietv.

be "Spender seems worried, suppose
he owes good deal Of money"
s1s*Yes; but he isn't worrying about
the money he owes: it's about tie
money he can't borrow."-Puck. z,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
:. Knows Part Of the Plroae,..a Z.

~ hnows Fart Of the Process. 3
did you ever visit a .mapleSugar
[camp2" ssseSz ~. Z
No; but I once worked in . grocery
and helped put IN the sane" Chicago
Record. -. # s.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
Is; Danweri.o,l.s I.ittle n,.a..

~ Uon8eK0uS L1ttIe BtFdS.
.Humming birds in. Mindora, one Of
the Philippines, are very pugnacious.
Hundreds Of them simultaneously at
tack huntsman and seriously tn-
iure him.-N. Z. Sun.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-04-27
A CORRIDOR HOLD-UP.

taking their dinners. They call it
lunch in this city. Nobody gets less
than $50 per month, and very few get
lose fhop e7K ,,or month