Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-04-24


heartily. ''Shake!'-Syracuse Herald.
Archibald Forbes was proud to be
called reporter of events and people.
He once said:
itching desire to slap the face Of the per-
son using it. / do not do so. but it is
not because l do not wish to-
Forbes. besides passing through the
FrancO-Prussian war, the siege of Plev-
ma, the fierce fighting in Zululand, visit
cd the United States. After his return
to London he wrote some things about
the American girl, perhaps not as much
read then as they will be now.
-:O
When winter fingers
In the lap of Spring
I'll the little birds,
That try to sing.
Have their notes
Frozen in their threats,
1t is high time
To lay aside rhyme
And go after the weather bureau with
Sun.-Detroit Free Press.
One day recently an elderly lady from
the WlldS of Calder landed at Mitchell
Lane, Glasgow. and gazed earnestly
down that care-beseged place, while she
occupied the central position between the
tramWay lines, says the Scottish Amer
lean.
Man, man. she at length cried to q
passing carter, "whaur will get an elec-
tric carp
We'll, mistress" was the gruff reply.
g!n We dlnna get DOT o that gey quick
yell get 1T III the sma' O yer back
Miss Maison-'Excuse my ignorance.
but ought to call you Mr.. Bones or DR..
Bones?'
The Doctor frascibly)-'sOh. call me
anything you like. Some of my friends
call me an old idiot
Miss Maison-"Ah. but those are only
peop.e who know you intimately"
-:o:-
The barker at the State fair: Ere
you are now. Walk up, gen 'lemen: only
nickel for two shots at the Prince of
Wiles. Look at the bulk of i'm. You
can't help hittin' inn Every time you
plunks him on the belt line you gifts a
seegar. Walk up, gentlemen, an win
Havanner. Two shots at the Prince of
Wlles fer tn small sum of one nickel
an a choice seegar ev'ry time you plunks
i'm! Who's tn next lucky smoker?"-
EX
What exclaimed the orator, what
~ bLIliSo dlt pms lldHhlHu 10 yet up
in the wOrld?'
THE alarm clock and the stepladder,"
answered the dense person in the rear of
the hall
A young society woman of one of Mil
waukee'S suburbs has rare cause for
pride, as she thinks She has had two
citis and one on her foot. She tells her
friends, with a high and mighty air of
great superiority that she has her appen-
dix in alcohol on one side of her bureau
while one toe is done" in the same style
on the other side. 1t is to be presumed
the bureau while her switch hangs on
the back.
by the way" said the Cornfed Phil
OsCpher, Il think | may take advantage
of this being the gardening season to re-
mark that there is often very little diff
ference between a budding genius and a
blooming idiot. '-Indianapolis Press
For the last time, l ask YOU he
Kissed, will you give up the notion that
you can recite melodramatic poetry?''
Never" replied the woman, his wife.
pale but resolute.
His face grew terrible to behold
Then" he cried II a voice vibrating
with passion, L shall assume that l can
tell Irish dialect stories."
Now she grOveled at his feet. and i'm
plores him to be merciful, but in vain-
Detroit Journal.
''Madge we can't afford new clothes
this spring"
Wei, then, Albert, We must move |
don't mind wearing my old duds in Il
new neighborhood, but l won't stay here
and wear them
Look at Name Browns new box
coat"
Yes. Isn't it awful?'
That isn't the worst of it.
What iS?''
she fits it,
SO true is Miss Rose Melville's make
up in isis Hopkins and so wonderful
ly llfelike her chara cteriZatiOn of the In
diana country girl that an Indianapolis
newspaper said she could step from the
stage into an Indiana country fair and
get lost in the crowd of visiting girls and
they would not know there was a stran-
ger among them.
Il am guided now by the wishes of my
fancee," said the engaged man.
Miss guided man. retorted his bach
elor friend.-Boston Commercial Bull
letin.
81 suppose you burned a great deal of
midnight oil before you became eminent
as a statesman said the friend
''No, SIR answered Senator Sorghum.
Il burned money Washington Post
THE AMBITIOUS HERO.
I'm not content although my skill
In war has taken tricks
A man must needs be drawer still
To fight in politics.
No Fun-May-"Y didn't go to the
theatet with your Cousin Tom after all.
I thought your fance had no objection"
Mabel-"He hadn't. That's why l
didn't go."-Judy.