New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1900-08-05
THE WASTED EPITAPH.

The c;lbrioIet drew ID near Richmond Park
Dr- K5ttery. compiler Of thu famous Latin die
toDary. and his second Mr.. Bodnin. stepped
OH and made their way 70 the open space OF
gTcensEard among the trees where the duel was
- take place. The sun had scarcely risen yet
and Mr. Bodmin thought with profound grief
that u was only yesterday that the great die
Lonary had boon finished. and only last night
that the Doctor had held q lovee Ct his admirers
II the Green Lion Coffee House TO celebrate the
event Unfortunately. Sir Edward Browne
being tie worse for wine had ventured TO dis
pate with the Doctor 10 the meaning OF
"Zythus."
- matt liquor used by the Egyptians said
the Dc5t1r. as one with authority.
a croc-ctiun made from crocodIlas' tears and
lOtos leaves" persisted Sir Edward 'iciously.
si- You are impertinent' said the Doctor.
IT is a malt liquor such as you yourself would
do well 10 cultivate IL place OF the more heady
Falernian."
Tn doctor had accepted the invitation a
due with MS customary equanim.ty. He did
not know one end OF The pistol from another.
and Nj Bo5nlin was overcome with a double
fear. being convinced. firstly that the Doctor
would be shot down like sheep by his an
tasonist-a noted dueIl5st: secondly that in his
great concern 70 finish the composition Of an
e2-taph which had already thrown MIN into a
brown study the Doctor would either forget 10
pun ms trigger al al or else shoot one Of the
seconds-eilher Of which mishaps would be
counted L. him as dishoHoF. But Cir. Bod
min was too faithful admlrer 10 refuse The
post O.. second
The hasty manner" said Or. Kit-ery. as they
got out. in which affairs involving an appeal
70 the ultima ratio are brought TO conclusion
appears ID ne - De as intolerable to the in
dlgidGal as II Is disg-aceful 10 the community"
Have you been Unable 70 complete it, asked
NJ Bo3uin knowing that the Doctor was think
ing Of the short tire allowed Tor his epiraph-
Sir" said Or Kittery. my epicaph may be
epheu=ra- IN duration, and must be less than
eDhen-eraI II construction. Bur beg TO remind
you that K was a midnight I disagreed with S.r
Edward on the subject Of zythus. that three Of
ny hours since have been devoted 70 slumber.
and that one hour and thirty minutes have been
consumed driving 10 this glade in that raCkety
cabrioleJ. You then ask me- If have completed
ny apllaph. Ny answer is No, sir; have not"
But you have effected something urged Mr..
B0dmIn. knowing that there was no chance Of
the Doctor attending 10 his pistol while the
epltaph remained unfinished.
II I had effected nothing" said the Doctor,
u should be q fool
Pray let me hear what you have composed
said Ar. Bodmin, alphabetically
Your Interruptions are insuffera bIe," said the
Doctor severely. but il is my intention TO re-
cite the lines 10 you. il order that you may
record them IN your notebook. They are TO
this effect
Stranger here Kittery Hes-o5serve his fall
Slain by the reeking tubes unerTfng ball
"Admira bIel" murmured Mr. BodUlin- " The
reeking tubes unerring baIl-excellent"
The phrase, no doubt has classic ring,
said the Doctor gratided; but epitaph
should be essentially commemorative. This only
commentaries my death; my more important
achievements are neglected"
They speak for themselves" said Mr. Bodnin-
you could not improve on your present lines"
Possibly : may be permitted, sir TO consider
myself a. great authority on the subject OF
e1itaphs as you" said the Dictor misliking this
Laudarion.
Certainly. certainly" said Nj. Bodmin, in
haste.
Very well. sir. maintain that the epitaph
e not complete It VIII De my endeaVor to
remedy it during the ave minutes Of existence
that sriH remain TO me"
M Eoduin clasped his hands in despair
Here they were already the ground, and Sir
Edward Brownies second already at him TO
measure out the PAGES and load the pistols.
..Dr. Kittery viii not agree 10 Sir Edwards
version Of zythus? p" inquired this gentleman
NO. sir" said Mr.. Bodmin sadly DR.. Kit
terry Is not in the habit Of agreeing to anything
that nislikes him"