The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1900-08-09
The KING BUSINESS

Successive Steps Of Our Adminis-
tratiOn 1t Embarks in the King
Business ON the Eastern Conti-
nent.
That the so-called civilized nations
are not wholly blameless for the deplor-
able state Of affairs in China, is Mr..
Dooley's view, in which many join:
"Th' Lord f'rgive me f'r sayin' it,
Hinnissy, but If 1 was Chinyman.
which I will fight amy man f'r sayin'.
an was livin' at home, I'd tuck my shirt
into my pants, put me braid up in a net
an go out an take fall out iv tn in
vader If it cost me me life.
Here am I, Hop Lung Dooley,
r-runnin' me little liquor store an pr
haps raisin' a family in tn town iv
Koochoo. I don't like foreigners there
amy more than l do here Along
comes a baldheaded man with chin
whiskers from Baraboo, Wisconsin an
says he: 'Benighted an haythen Doo-
ley says he ) We have no God,' he says.
I have says l. I have lot iv thim,'
says I. 'Ye ARE an oncultivated an
foul creathure,' he says. I have come
six thousan' miles f'r to hist We from tn
mire iv ignorance an ir-religion in
which ye live to tn lofty plane iv Bara-
boO,' he says. An sc sets down on an
aisy chair an his wife an her friends
come in an they inthrojooce Mrs. .Doo-
ley to tn modern improvement iv tn
corset an tn hat with the blue bur'rd
onto it, an put shame into her because
she hasn't let her feet grow. Well.
says I, look here, me good fellow I
says. Me an me people have occupied
these here primises f'r many years.,
says, an here we mean to stay says
l. We're doin' tn best we can in tn
matther iv gods,' says. We have
] thin cast at a first-rate foundhry,'
! says, an we sand-paper thin ivry
week. says I.
9TH mex day in comes a man with q
suit iv clothes that looks like table,
cloth in a section house, an says he:
Poor, ignorant haythen,' he says. What
| manner iv food dye ate?' he says.
Rice I says, an rats I says, is me
fav'rite dish,' I says. 'Deluded wretch
| says he. I riprisent a Chicago beef
| company, wild branch offuses in Cuby,'
says he, an I'm here to make ye change
ye'er dite,' he says. 'Hinceforth yeu
ate tn canned roast beef iv merry OIL
stockyards or I'll have file iv sojers in
to fill ye full iv ondygistible lead,' he
says. An after him comes the man
with Aunt Miranda's Pancakes an
Flaked Bran an ye'll-perish-if-ye-do don't
eat-a-biscuit. an other REPRESENTATIVES iv
Western Civilization, an I'm to be
shot If don't take thin all.
Thin la-ad comes down with q
chain an a small glass on three sticks
an gang iv section men that answers
to the name iv Casey an proceeds f'r
to put down railroad. What's this
fri says l. We ar're the advance
gaurd iv Western Civilization he says,
an we're goin' to give ye railroad SO
ye can go swiftly to places that ye don't
want to see,' he says. "A country that
has no railroads is beneath contimpt,'
he says. Casey he says, stretch tn
chain acrost yon graveyard he says.
I am f'r to put a thrack just before
that large tombstone marked Riquiescat
in Pace, James H. Chung-a-Lung,' he
says. But says I, we will disturb pah's
10 y;v,s r
says. Yell be up mixin' me Oh man
with tn Cassidys in tn mex lot that
says, he niver spoke to save In anger in
his life,' says. 'Ye're an ancestor wor-
SHIPPER haythen,' says tn la-ad, an he
goes on to tamp tn mounds In tn cimf-
try an ballast tn thrack with tn re-
mains iv tn deceased.
An afther he got through along
comes q Frinchman an an English.
man, an Rooshan. an Dutchman,
an says wan iv thin: This is COM
fortable-lookin' saloon says he. I'll
take tn bar, ye take tn ice-box an tn
rrest iv the fixtures What FRI says
1; I've paid tn rint an the license! !
says I. 'Niver mind says he, we're
tn REPRESENTATIVES iv Western Civiliza-
tion,' says he, an tits tn business iv !.
Western Civilization to cut up tn be-
longings iv Eastern Civilization. he
says. BE off, he says, or I'll pull ye're
hair he says. Well, says I, this thing
has gone far enough says. I've
heerd me good OIL castiron gods or jos
ses abused says, an I've been packed
full iv canned goods an tn Pekin
lightnin' express Is r-runnin' straight:
through tn lot where tn bones Nv me
ancestors lies,' says. I've sthud 1t all.
says, but whin ye come here to
bounce me OF iv me own primises,' T.
says, I'll have to take tn leg Nv tn.
chair to ye,' I says. An we're to tn