Mesa free press., 1900-10-26

MY wire Is nelplng run one OF IneSe
tummage sales." "Well, don't you like
It" Like it? Oh, yes; I lived all
last week on ham bone, and this week
[ suppose shall have to subsist on let
tuce. ce."-Indianapolis Press.
Automatic grand opera: Mrs. Brown
tat Mrs. Smiths tea)-Oh, dear, that
dreadful Miss Smith is singing again.
l wonder what started her? Tom
Brown (aged O-I dropped a penny
down her back when she wasn't look
ing-Chicago Journal.
II must confess to a great deal OF
egotism," said Willie Washington. elm
deedY responded Miss Cayenne. eyes.
1 think about myselfentirely too much"
"Oh, that isn't egotism. That's merely
the usual human tendency to worry
over trifles. ."-Washington Star.
where is the American section?"
asked the visitor to the Paris show.
"Oh, monsieur" replied the polite at
tendant, "ze Americanes: Zey are
such great peoples-and we lofe them
SO much-it is all yours-effery Sec
tion!'-Philadelphia North American.
Solitary Angels: Mamma-It is very
naughty to tell lies, Eva. People who
do so don't go to heaven. Eva-Did
yo uever tell a lie, mamma? Mamma
No, dear, never. Eva-Wcn't you be
fearful lonely in heaven, mamma. with
only George Washington?"-Co Golfers
Weekly.
The mature maiden who was prepar~
ing to go downtown to have her pho
tograph taken, surveyed herself criti-
cally once more IN the mirror. II think
] prefer to do my own retouching," she
said, opening another jar, and reaching
for the necessary implements Chicago
Tribune.
Were you interested in the piano re-
cital?' asked the musician. "Well, an
swered Mr.. Cumrox, ''it was little
slow at first; but after l caught the
spirit Of it and got to guessing with the
Others whether 1t was time to applaud
or oAly rest, it got to be quite
game" Washington Star.
"I'n tell you how you can find out"
said her big brother. Next Tuesday
is his birthday; make him a present Of
a box OF cigars like.you gave me Christ
mas" "But how will that prove his
love?" asked The innocent maid. "If
he smokes them himself he loves you;
if he gives them away he doesn't."-
Chicago News.
Did you say this was comic opera
war" asked the Filipino soldier who
came into camp with a dag of truce.
That remark has been made" swell,
Our general says he's willing to take
lyou at your word. He wants to know
If you can fix the show up so there will
be fewer marches and more dialogue"
Washington Star.
Dear mew she said, 81 wonder what
has become of that household journal?"
He didn't say word. "There was an
other recipe in it that l wanted to
try" He smiled, for now he was as
sured that he had done wisely, when
he burned 1t. Even a good-natured
man may grow weary Of having ex-
periments tried upon him.-Chicago
Post
'Now, boys" said the teacher to the
Juvenile class in history, ''who can tell
me what Gen. Washington said to his
lieutenant while crossing the Delaware
amid the floating iceY" Il can," replied
a youngster at the foot Of the class.
"Well, Tommy, what did he sayY
,soI ,rl
you like to be the ice manY" replied
the incorrigible Tommy Trained
Motherhood
Il don't see why people growl so
about the crowds of shoppers" she
said; 81 have had no trouble at ALL"
"How do you manage it?' they asked.
81 take my two boys with me-" "And
can they really help you?" Can they
really help me" she exclaimed; "well,
l should say so. One Of them played
right tackle on his college football
team and the other is champion catch
as-catch-can wrestler of his Glass;
Chicago Post.
"Yes, George, you very distinctly
said in your sleep, is it my anteY
Now, what did you mean by thatw
''Mean? Why, that's simple. l was
dreaming l was boy again, waiting
for Christmas. And when another boy
asked me if / didn't know who Santa
Claus was, l said, questioningly, IS it
my auntie? The dear old lady brought
me up, you know" "Oh, you darling
big-hearted boy."-Cleyeland Plain
Dealer.
Il suppose" said the woman who
had sampled every kind of candy she
could reach by thrusting her arm over
the protective railing, and finally had
bargained for five cents worth cf but
terscotch, "all this is adplterated. You
couldn't sell it so cheap if it wasn't
"Yes, ma'am," returned the salesman
solemnly, ''it's all adulterated. That
butterscotch you're getting, for in
stance, has mighty little butter and
not bit of Scotch. Chicago Tribune
She had asked the advice of the fam