The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-06-27
DOOLEY ON TEDDY.
lChicapn Ionrnal.N

Chicago Journal)
Well" said Mr.. Dooley, '''tis just
what I said. They've forced tn nommy-
nation on that poor lamb an he's goin'
to take it TIL ticket is Tiddy an Mack,
or Mack and Tiddy, amy way We want to
put it.
IT'S sthrange, Hinnissy, how sthrong
poplar ooinyon is They'se no use fight
in it. It's well known that Mack was
again Tiddy f'r vice prisidint
''Th las thing he said to Mark Hanna
whin he laid down mis- thrunk at tn dee
DO. was: Above all things. don't put
Rosenfelt on tn ticket. IT'S thrue.' he
says, that we need some wan that can
whoop it among tn la-ads ont west he
says But I wodden't fr al tn money
in tn wurruld have We rip this bright
and gallant leader firm tn sarvice Nv his
native state an condimn him to horrible
existence IN Washin ton FIR four years.
an give him no chanst FIR further pro-
motion, he says. Put on a good, sthrong
man. not over y or three. five feet eight
inches tall. chunkily built, wearin' eye
glasses, an shown his teeth whin he
talks. He must be a civil sarvice ray
q
calv'ry rigimint durin' tn recent war, an
be at prisint tn gov'nor iv an important
state. Wud like a man that had wrote
siv-ral books an is good marksman.
Blond preferred he says, but in hivin's
name, don't think Nv Rosenfelt. He was
here to dinner las week an we both
agreed that he was tn strongest man
we cUd put up, but he oughtn't to take
cd fo do Nv y Z
enthusyasm iv tn con-vintion,' he says
'Ye'er wishes will be rayspicted' says
Mark Hanna. an off he goes to PhilIy-
delDhy FIR to stihe tn Rosenfelt boom.
He thried wan candidate afther another
Boys, he says, how'd We like Long?
He's very sthrong in Lynn and Wooster
he says, an We might do worse than put
him on tn ticket. Gawd knows, Mack's
had throubbles enough, an wan more
wudden't kill him. he says. We don't
want Long says tn free an indipindint
dillygates.
Well, how'd Allison strike We? There's
fine, quiet man. Not a vote-getter,
mind we, but a nice steady. level-headed
OF gazabo that'd r-run well on tn Sioux
City branch he says. We don't want
Allison says tn la-ads 'Yere hard to
please, says Mark What wud We think
iv-iv-where tn divvle did I write that
fellows name? Oh, here it is. Bolliver-
no, DOlliver-how'd Dolliver sthrike yep
says he. He's no good says they.
Thin says he, I'm through; but I warn
We I'm again givin' tn nommynation to
amy gallant leader iv tn Rough Riders
an guvnor " New York, whose named
arouse enthusyasm in iv'ry corner iv tn
land an bring THOUSANDS iv votes to tn
ticket he says. Don't he says, I beg,
beg iv We, force amy such a man on tn
ticket he says I have promised he
says, that ye shall not be stampeded fr
Rosenfelt. FIR he is it, an l warn We
now he says, that if We attimpt amy
such infamy, he says. I'll see that iv'ry
wan " We is cOndimned' he saws, to
dhrugery iv office FIR four more years
he says We cannot help it, says tn
Dostmasther iv Cassidy's Corners, with
tears in his eyes. 'Somethin' has come
over us, we don't know what. We feel
that Quare. We don't know half tn
time what we're dom. We've got to nom
mynate Rosenfelt or go mad he says.
Thin says Mark, let tn consequences
be in ye're own head he says. an he
stalked angrily out an over to Tiddy's
room. sag
6 Tidy says he, the worst has hap
pened.' What is it?' says Tiddy, leapin'
firm his chair I bring We sad tidings,'
says Mark. Tell me, says Tiddy; speak,
man. he says. Have We no mercy?' he
says. Tidy says Mark in spite iv all
we cud do, in spite5iv threats an pray
ers an tears, tn con-vintion is swept off
its feet he says TIL dillygates has
gone mad he says. a wave of poplar
enthusyasm has delOoged Thin he says.
But minyit ago / met a man that 1
put with me own hands in tn COLLECTOR
Office at Toledo His eye was CLASSY, his
steps was unsteady, he hardly recognized
me. He was pikin' down tn -sthreet NUT
thrin' to himsilf, ''Rosenfelt, Rosenfelt."
It's all off. Yen be nommynated FIR
vice prisidint.' he says. oh, say not so,
SAYS Tiddy. Don't tell me. he says, 'that
this crime will stain the fair pages iv
Republican history he says. 'Ye must
stop them. I beg. I implore, I demand,
he says, Mark as me frind, do somethin
| to prevint this headlong rush iv mad hero
worship, worthy though tn objeck may
be- he says Halt thin, put it off FIR a
day, anyhow he says. Why, man
alive. lost five pages iv me speech iv
acceptance comm down here firm Albany,
an me typewriter's off on a bat he
| says.
AN thus it is, Hinnissy. They've
| landed our Tiddy, an craft an guile have
won another victhry over inOsince an
youth They've nommynated Tiddy, an
his pollyticai career is over, unless he
can bife his wav To tn DrisidiDcv 7 nitv
Mack, settin back there alone in tn
/ gloom Nv tn White House, enable to turn
his hand to prevint this outrage. 1 don't
! see how he can tver look Tiddy in tn
/ face again without winkin'."
BE hivins," said Mr.. Hennessy, eff
don't think Mckinley wanted Rosenfelt
all tn time"
do ye?" said Mr. Dooley. 'Yere get
tin to know almost as much about polly
tics as tn iditOr iv tn New York Hurld.