davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05
WITH THE FUNNY MEN.

1T is very impressive" said the senti-
mental young person, ITO look out on the
ocean to think OF that immense body OF
water which forms & so large a proportion
Yes" answered Col. stiiIwell: "and
what most impresses me. sir, is the wis
that il couidnt be mistaken for ora a beyD W
erage. ge.'-Washington Star.
He "a former suitor)-so you are mar
ried, eh? You told me once upon a time
that you never intended to belong to any
man"
she--wel. don't. He belongs TO me-
Chicago News.
mo" said Miss Cayenne, thoughtfully
~ am AFRAID that young man won't do
he will never grow up TO be the life OF
the party
What makes you thing that?"
lie doesn't know even the rudiments OF
repartee.s When l asked him II he was
going away for the summer he answered
ing that he would stay here and let the
summer come TO him. m.''--Washington Star
] had cracked for publication the joke
about the Egyptian who. I'm the days
when. all writing was done on stone tab
lets. forgot 10 post his wife's letter
That Is very old?' objected the edi-
Not at an I replied. keeping my tenn
per with admirable po;se. 1T ", in fact
one OF the newest OF our jokes. Writing
on stone was no joke prior 10 the sixth
and possibly not sooner than the nfth CEN
turf before the Christian era
! we'll knew that the fellow would not
dare impugn my historical accuracy. -
Detroit Journal.
There's no wall around the Jail and our
cells on the ground floor" chucklcd the
first convict. I'VE :. escape"
impossible" bitterly returned his cell
mate who was n reader Of the daily pa
pcrs: what Rood would n rope made OF
the bed clothes be to us?'--Philadelphia
Record. II
did that rich Young Goidbag propose
To YOU last night2'
Not exactly. mamma. But he asked
for an option on me for thirty days"-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mistress--"So you are To be married
Bridget? May YOU be gerry. very happy"
Cook--"Sure. mum. It's cinch. lie gits
pounds iessn I do.'--Puck
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

The next General Assembly should
take up the question of the safety OF
1ife on the trolley lines. Cars are con-
stantly run at high and dangerous rates
OF speed. without the ordinary precau-
lions and those who travel on them are
placed In needless and almost criminal
peril Deadly accidents are becoming
altogether too frequent. Who will take
up the cause OF the people in the next
General Assembly? The News prom
1ses Its heartiest and most earnest sup
port and will submit bill covering the
exigencies OF the case.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

Victor Lawson OF the Chicago News
De now In favor of the labor union. His
conversion was sudden, not to say vio-
lent. and ne rushes into double leads
with frantic fervor that would be COM
mendable were IT not for the fact that
Brother Hearst Is just on the eve of
starting a strong opposition newspaper
in Chicago on about the same lines.
Victor's present attitude reminds us of
khe general who shouted to his troops
Just before a defeat, Boys, we're
beaten and have got to retreat. AS I
nm q little lame guess I'll start now!"
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

load her. Mr.. Barney then unemotion-
ally enquired:
Why not have contract with Miss
Glasery'
Mr.. Nixon and Mr.. barney looked at
each other for an instant, ard Mr..
Nixon's countenance was soverspreao
by an astute smile.
Go ahead" said he.
The next night Mr.. Barney saunter-
ed carelessly around to Miss Glaser's
dressing room, and said to her in ef-
feet:
The Francis Wilson company is
now conducted by Nixon & thinner
man. who insist upon running things
on a strictly business basis. You have
had no written contract heretofore,
but my instructions are 10 have every
member of the company set down doe
umentarily. or course, you Will have
no objection 10 making n contract with
a firm like Nixon & Zimmerman"
why, isn't that funny" rejoined
Miss Glaser. laughing at the very idea
of a formal agreement binding her 20
the Wilson company. Mr.. Barney hand
ed over one of the regulation contracts,
with the usual two wecks' clause in IL,
and containing not a single erasure.
Miss Glaser glanced II over and sign
ed Ii in the presence of witness. Then
she handed the contract over to Mr..
Barney.
That gentleman suavely dug down
into his inside pocket apd produced an
envelope which he placed in Miss
Glaser's hand. The envelope contained
two weeks notice of the severance of
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

Miss GIaser's relations with the Fran
els Wilson Opera Company.
Mr.. Nixon's erudlte smile still plays
across his features whenever Mr.. Bar
ney on Miss Glsser Is mentioned within
his hearing.
Eeonora Duse having recovered
from her love for Gabriel d'Annunzio.
is studying the character of Beatri& In
Shelley's tragedy. 'yThe Cenci," with q
view 70 adding II to her repertory.
}r ssst
The name of w. S. Gilbert is occasion
ally brought back 10 the memories OF
those who love comic opera and clean
cut comedy by the revival OF some of
his plays and OF the fresh and captivat-
ing operettas for which he wrote the IL
brettos 20 Sir Arthur SullivaNs music.
He IN seldom heard OF nowadays as
producing new works, though few will
believe that his delicious humor. or his
fertile and original fancy has suffered
exhaustion, or that his dexterous COM
mand or ingenious verse has been lost.
Mr.. Gilbert, however. IL now nearly "a
years old. He Is the dean of English
playwrighfs at the present time. and
doubtless feels himself entitled TO en-
JOY I'm quiet the large competence that
his works have brought him.
Klaw and Erlanger have secured De-
liza Fox 10 play Belle Money" a
sprightly young girl. with their come
dy company In The Rogers Brothers
I'm Central Park. The contract was
signed yesterday and n special part is
to he written for the celebrated SOU
brette. Miss Fox. IL Is said. entirely re-
covered from her recent severe illness.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05
SHOT his fATheR-IN. Law.

Frank Riley, 80 years old. shot his
father-in-iaw, Michael Harding. SO
years OF age, with shot gun about Z,
O'Clock last evening.
The shooting took place at their home
in Wexford, on the Northrup farm, To-
Gated on the Post road about one mile
from the village.
The affair grew out Of an alteration
begun by Riley who had been drink
ing
The gun was loaded with bird shot
and the charge entered Hardings right
breast, left arm and right thigh. Hard
ing walked 10 Wexford and DR. Met
calf dressed his wounds. which are not
considered serious. Riley may be ar
rested.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05
d M THEATRES

Theodore Burt Sayres latest at
tempt TO break into the ranks Of the
playwrights was even more disastrous
than his previous efforts. The Boston
critics were unanimous in roasting
the play which received trial by j..
city last week. Mr.. Sayre Is supposed
to be Charles Frohman's play reader.
and one of the 'roasts' stated that III
this play is sample Of the
play readers ideas regarding what
stage productions should be. II is no
wonder Mr.. Frohman has to turn to
England for material with which to
keep his companies going. and can't
find anything in America worth giving
a trial"
The new vaudeville combine has
struck at Ezra Kendall's salary. He
has been getting $500 week, for what
the Lord only knows-and the combine
has cut this figure exactly In half.
Ezra will be lucky man II he gets
this.
Manager Fred Whitney says Quo
vadis" lost but $25o0 on the London en-
gagement.
Grant Stewart and Charles Klein
have written a play called AN AFFAIR
OF State for the opening OF the season
of Daniel Frohmans Stock Company.
THE Heart of Princess Osra" will
be held in reserve by Mary Mannering
next season. She will begin her tour
with Janice Meredith" and will only
produce the other piece in the unlikely
emergency Of something breaking
down.
Charles Frohman cables from London
that he has completed all his arrange
ments for his next season IN this coun-
try and VIII sail for home by the
steamship st. Louis on July IA.
George V. Hobart. the playwright.
will be interested in seven Broadway
productions next season. Among them
are ''The Military Maid" written for
an adoption for Peter II. Daley; Hell
en- Prinnt," which he has done for Ma
rie Dressler: "A Million Dollars" TO be
put on At the New York; Mrs Black
Is Back" May Twins new play: Com
modore cupid" which he r. writing
with Stanislaus STANCE and Reginald
De koven. and finally. The Dsugh-
ters Delightful
The neat way in which Nixon and
Zimmerman dumped Lulu Glaser out
of the Francis Wilson Company IL one
of the quiet little things that Is being
hugely enjoyed by those who have had
dealings with the singer. II seems. ac-
cording 10 this tale, that Mr.. Samuel
f. Nixon and Mr.. Ariel Barney held a
conference one day. Mr.. Nixon ventur-
ing the opinion that II was too bad for
his star 10 be compelled to carry an
incubus like Miss Glaser. Thereupon,
Mr.. Barney. who is one OF those calm
unruf1ed propositions, perpetually
ready for emergencies. smoothly IN
quired N Mr.. Nixon would really IKE
10 he rid or Miss CHASER Mr.. Nixon re-.
snondcd that as the young woman had
no contract. but merely an oral ur-
derstsndins, IL would be difficult to IN.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05
MEETING or MARINE SOCIETY

The Providence Marine society's 1924
annual meeting and dinner az Infantry
hall yesterday was not the least OF.
joysble OF the Fourth Of July festiyi-
ties.
The society. which was founded IN
l1ss. comprises old sailors and tbev
we're addressed by prominent guest I.
including Ex-Postmastcr Charles M.
George.
The election of offic-rs for the crsutn,
year resulted as follows preaideni
Prentiss y. Hooper vice president vii.
liam J. Tillsor treasurer. Charles r.
Dyer; secretary. A. L. @. Chace.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

Alexis Frye thumped U. s. Quarter
master McHars good and plenty on the
recent trip of the transport sedgwick
20 Boston. IL must have been an added
pleasure 10 punch man with a name
like that. Besides. according to all sc-
counts. SfoHars didn't get half his de-
scrts.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05
TEN DOLLARS IN GOLD.

The News offers ten dollars in gold
for the best answer to the query:
us 1T IMPROPER FOR A YOUNG
LADY TO GO ON AN OUTING WITH
A YOUNG NAN WITHOUT A CHA
PERON?"
For the benefit OF those who wish to
enter the contest we print the young
lady's communication In full:
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05
To the Editor Providence News:

TO the Editor Providence News:
Dear Sir: am young lady. nine.
teen years OF age. For two years Z
have been keeping company with a
young man, and a little over SIX
months ago we became engaged. I
am an orphan and live with my
aunt. My aunt consented to our en-
gagement. Yesterday the young gen
tleman invited me to 20 10 Crescent
Park, but my aunt objected strongly
on the ground that Il would be inn
proper without the presence OF an
older lady, or one that IN married.
Under the circumstances / Thought
IL best not 10 go, and I spent the
most miserable day of my life. Now
Is IL improper for young lady TO
60 on an outing with young man
without a chaperon?
Yours respectfully.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05
whs, wnl s.eoms sf china,

None can foresee the outcome OF the
quarrel between foreign powers over the
division Of China. IL is interesting 10
watch the going TO pieces ~ this ancient
America are also going TO pieces because
of dysp, pra. constipation. blood. liver
aud stomach diseases We are living too
fast hut strength. Nigor and good health
can be retained NJ VIZ keop or and cure
the above diseases with 1iostcttcrs stom-
ach Bitters.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05
PhEcEPI.
Jhs Gossip.

Have you had kindness shown
Pass N on.
Twas not given for YOU alone
Pass II on.
Let u travel down tho years.
let n wipe anofher'a tear
TN In heaven the deed appears
rass II on
Chicago Herald.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05


which
the
of of
cuffs
rose
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

The conflicting reports from China
make US think that some Spanish dipio-
mat must be working overtime in
Pekin.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

David Bennett Hill has JUST found out
that he isn't the Dowaeer Empress OF
m New York delegation.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

Now n n chmed that the Boxers' Is
. patriotic movement pure and simple.
A sort Of . chinsse A. p. A. ss II were.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

Make your letters short. pithy and in
cisive and write on one side of the pa-
per only. The News will print the win
ner's name as soon as the award is
made.
YOUNG MAN SAVES MONEY.
Editor Providence News:
think the young lady's aunt was
herself looking for an outing and de-
sired to put the expenses on the unsus-
should she otherwise have objected to
Ada's pleasure trip and thus have
brought out this chaperon question To
trouble readers of The News?
1T would be improper that innocent
lovers outing without the presence OF
an Older lady, says the aunt, giving the
young man diplomatic little hint 10
prepare paying the expenses for three
instead OF for two. Now that votiuy
man was no fool. he SIMPLY did not seem
TO understand the insinuation. and I am,
sure that he had saved I'm theiahtmarf
sure mat ne has saved and will I'm the
Iu,ure save a good many dollars by this
willful negligence
suppose he had taken the aunt along
on that trip. would not that have been
= starting point 10 take her i'm tow
everywhere aud thus increase HIS court .
been sort OF open door" whereby Tho
aunt could visit the theatres. go driv-
ing ana enjoy herself ~ many Other
ways not despised by middle aged m.
even older ladies. and for All these nlea -.
urss me niece's young man would be
Ada should not allow auntle 10 fool hor
by any lectures on etiquette. "0'
Respectfully.
Providence. July 4. 1900. ''
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

boom seems to have been lost In the
shuttle.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

Grant Stewart and Charles Klein
have written a play called AN Affair
OF state" for the opening OF the season
of Daniel Frohmans Stock Company.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

Manager Fred whitney says QUO
vadis" lost but $25o0 on the London en-
gagement
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

see that Charlie .Thurber is deter
mined To purify Roger Williams Park
lat least that is what Charlie says he
is going To do. Well. that's all right,
but II Mr.. Thurber wants some pointers
would respectfully refer him 10 a
well-known local comedian. who could
tell him something about The Sights
| saw at Roger Williams Park"
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

Whether IL was due TO the police reg
ulations or not. / am not yet prepared
to say. but the fact remains that there
were fewer accidents in the city yes-
terday than there have been for many
years on the Fourth of July.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

The new vaudeville combine has
struck at Ezra Kendall's salary. He
has been getting $500 week, for what
the Lord only knows--and the combine
has cut this figure exactly In half.
Ezra will be a lucky man IL he gets
this
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

"The Heart of Princess Osra" will
be held in reserve by Mary Mannering
next season. She will begin her tour
with Janice Meredith" and will only
produce the other piece in the unlikely
emergency Of something breaking
down.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

NJ friend Henry Young, OF the firm
of Murray, BIanchafd & Young. put in
an hour or two fishing with his son.
yesterday afternoon. They went out a
short distance from the rocks adjoin-
ing the ball grounds at Rocky Point.
and came back with five squiteague
Weighing % pounds. Mr.. Young is a
truthful man. but to make assurance
double sure saw the fish.
The Providence news. (Providence [R.I.]) 1891-1906, 1900-07-05

My friend Burmah Perkins was the
grand central figure of yesterdays cell
ebration, and the city certainly ought
to be proud of the way in which he
directed the carrying out, of the official
program. II is another illustration OF
the fact that when the Ninth ward
starts out TO do a thing II does II just
as II should be done.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1900-10-22
what Does bryan want.

1.-THE ~workingman wants no sophis-
tries, no abstruse arguments. What he
does understand is his daily bread and
the daily bread for his wife and little
n e Give him a chance to earn it,
Mr.. Bryan in 1896. I
Republicans assert that the work.
ingman has a full dinner pail" I ask,
In the first place, whether a full dinner
pail Is all that a laboring man needs?
It is an insult to the Wage-earner to
say that his thoughts are entirely CEN
tered upon his physical wants. Repub-
lican speakers and editors assume that
the laboring mar is all stomach. They
act upon the theory that he complains
only when he is hungry and is happy
whenever his hunger is ~appeased."-
Mr.. Bryan in 1900.
Perhaps Mr.. Bryan does not know
that the wage Garner has better wages,
wears better clothes, eats better food
and has over $500, 900. 600 more in the
savings banks laid aside for a rainy
day than he had in 1896, after four
years of Democracy.
Mr.. Bryan, may not know these
things, but the wage Garner 5does-and
SO does the farmer who grows the
wheat. meat, wool, cotton and other
provisions and supplies that the wage
Garner buys. a..
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1900-10-22

IT is a recognized fact that one cam
not successfully sail a ship or run q
locomotive without previous training.
Only disaster can be expected to result
from an attempt to do so.
Mr.. Bryan undertakes to reform and
readjust the business of the country,
and one would naturally suppose that
he was possessed of large experience
in commerce and finance. But the
facts are:
MI. Bryan is professedly a lawyer,
but in Lincoln. Neb., where he resides,
he has never been retained in any case
of Importance, n his small practice
has been in the county court. where
jurisdiction is limited to $500, and be-
fore the Justices OF the peace.
He has never been connected or
placed in touch with any financial,
commercial, Industrial or manufactur-
ing business whatever, and has, there
fore, never had opportunity for any
education in these matters.
He has never had any experience in
the state legislature.
He has never even served as alder
man in the city council of Lincoln.
He has never had any political ex-
perience whatever, outside Of his four
years in congress and his campaigning
tours.
Although forty years of age, his only
apparent source of income is what he
may derive as compensation for his
public speaking and from contribu.
tons of the free-silver people.
History teaches us that the business
interests OF the individual and of the
country IA only be successful when
they follow the teachings of expert
ence. Only infinite peril could result
from the accepted leadership of a talk
ing machine like Bryan, who has moth
ing to recommend him but his gift of
speech. !
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1900-10-22
Rura1 Relivery a Success.

The successful Inauguration of the
rural mail delivery service, by which
farmers are enabled to get at least one
delivery of mail Zach day, is one Of the
achievements Of which the Mckinley
administration is proud.
For years the Democrats have
scoffed 1t the possibility Of such a SER
vice; but they must now admit that
it has succeeded.
On. the LIST of October Of this year
there has been established 2,039 rural
routes, and it is expected that there
will be fully 4,300 by the 30th of next
June. About IT'S will be established in
the e thirty days.
Larger appropriations will undoubt-
eddy be made at the next session OF
for the further extension or
this service, and the general interest
in it is such that at least one-fourth OF
all the correspondence at the p~ostofice
department at Washington is in refer
ence to this new convenience for farm
lerS. S,t
In placing these facilities at the SER
vice Of the farming communities, the
department is careful to place the
routes in such a way that daily denV-
cries can be made in all kinds or
weather and under all ordinary cir
cumstances. This means much FOR the
good roads movement, which has the
approval of all progressive farmers.
In many commspities the county au:
thorities, in order to get the better
mail arrangements, often guarantee
that the roads will be placed in proper
shape for the mail carrier. OF course
the farmers along the road thu trav-
eled and placed in good condition, rat
urally are the gamers by having the
roads placed in better condition.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1900-10-22

The fiourishing condition of the
schools in Burleigh county is shown
by a summary from the annual report
of superintendent Edick, published in
another column. Mr.. Edick's super
vision OF the county school system has
been careful. He has all the schools
in good working trim, and a prosper
Gus condition of the county schools
has resulted. Mr.. Edick is a good
business man, has been a taxpayer in
Burleigh county for nearly twenty
years and is we'll fitted for the posi-
ton to which ne is a candidate for
election. In the matter of assisting
young teachers Mr.. Edick has been
alert, and has secured paying positions
for many young men and women,
where they are able to become self
supporting and independent. His
record is a good one, and such a one
as makes him a strong candidate for
reelection.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1900-10-22
SCIENCE SCORES AGAIN.

"a PREPARATION THAT WILL DE-
STROY THE DANDRUFF GERM
DISCOVERED. y,
Finally the scientific student has
discovered a certain remedy for dand-
ruff. When it first became known
that dandruff is the result Of a germ
or parasite that digs into the scalp,
and saps the vitality of hair at the
root, causing falling hair and badness,
biologists set to work to discover
some preparation that will kill that
germ. After a years labor in one
laboratory, the dandruh germ destroy
er was discovered; and it is now en-
bodied in Newbro's Herpicide, which
besides curing badness, and thinning
hair speedily and permanently eradi-
Gates dandruff. Destroy the cause
you remove the effect"
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1900-10-22

The Bryanites have been holding up
Mark Hanna Is the great ogre whose
only object in life was to crush the
life out of some Workingman and get
a few dollars for his remains. At last
Mr.. Hanna has said a word in self
defense, and this is what he says:
Il never lied to my men, and / never
refused my men what was justly due
them. I am president of a mine up
in Lake Superior, where 1000 men are
employed. Four years ago Mr.. Bryan
went up there to tell the miners what
a terrible man I was. 7 ordered the