The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-04-01
SMART SHORT STORIES.

~. ~ quictI uecenC young IeltoW VINO
minded his own business, worked hard
fed himself sparingly and spent his
nights in mean lodging house with
books, says the Boston Transcript
The men did not know at first
what to make of him, but after while
| they learned what he was up to and
they took up collection Of S.. When
they offered this money to him he was
! moved, but he absolutely refused to ac-
! cept 1T, for he knew that they had fam
| lies, and as he was &C mechanics helper
| he was making SO a week, so that he
would not Starve. The horny handed
company reluctantly but admiringly put
their pelf back into their pockets. For
this day laborer in greasy overalls was
harvard student, who was earning
! enough to carry him through another
| term, and IL you go to Cambridge you
shall find him there, grinding away at
MS studies and making a speciality of
/ political economy. And can any one
doubt that he will make success in
| life?
copperhead correspondent who had
MADE himself obnoxious to Gen Rawlns
| applied to that leader at Vicksburg for
| news, says the San Francisco Wave To
member of his staff the general con-
signed the journalist, with orders that
| ne be taken to the trenches within q
stones throw of the enemy, and, if pos
| sfble, lost there. The two set forth, but
the moment the newspaper mans hat and
MS mules ears showed over the ridge
which he had climbed to get view, there
came Volley OF musketry ten yards wide,
winch SHE'D the top of his hat Off He
slipped to the ground in safety, but the
mule was literally filled with lead. When
the two men returned to headquarters
Rawlins hailed his aid:
7 foI6
perhead reporter somewhere" he said.
L did the best could" was the reply.
He came back, but 1 have the honor to
report his mule a total loss"
An elderly gentleman with a full gray
beard and bald head entered O down
town restaurant, took a seat at one of
the tables and ordered a steak and coffee
After ordering he took from his pocket a
small folding chess-board of the ordinary
construction, with fiat paper chessmen
and at once became engaged in the solving
OF chess problem. In few minutes he
was utterly oblivious of his surroundings,
muttered and shook his head now and
then as a series of moves ended in fail
ure, and then patiently put the pteces
back into their places and started anew.
1t did not take long for the men at the
surrounding tables to become interested
in the sight, and a few clearly sympa-
thized with the old gentleman and longed
to help him solve the riddle. The waiter
brought him his steak and coffee, but he
paid no heed. A young man seated il.
the rear Of the chess player at the next
table finally turned round and watched
each successive move with close interest,
but either a queen" could not be man.
aged. or bishop" brought into line, or
an unruly pawn" marshaled at the
proper place in time; anyhow, some
liking" clearly refused to be checked 4"
| Suddenly the young man shouted, louder
than was necessary: Cheek"
The chess player almost jumped from
| his seat as he retorted; Nothing Of the
kind. sir; nothing of the kind. Why
II beg your pardon, I was simply ask
ing the waiter for my check"
A dear old humanitarian doctor was
particularly careful never to inflict death
or discomfort on the meanest insects; but
his nerves were not always proof against
their ravages. One day he was so an
| noyed by persistent bluebottle that he
| rang for the servant and told him to put
the fly out of the window. But It's rain
ing, sir" said the servant. fearing the
rain would damp the curtains. in that
case" said the doctor. thinking only of
the fly's convenience, put it in the wait
ing room and I will attend to it when
the sun comes out
The Liverpool Post says that a firm in
Liverpool, being delighted at the idea
that one Of it's employees was called upon
to join the reserves, at once volunteered
to pay half his wages to his wife In his
absence. At the end of the month the
woman appeared and the money was at
once given her.
''What?" she said "Four pounds?"
is exactly half; sorry you are not salts
fed"
'It isn't that I'm not satisfied. Why,
for years he has told me he only got 16
shillings altogether and-and-if the
Beers don't kill him 1 will
Tim Murphy. in response to a call for
a speech one night in New York recently,
told the audience about the meanest man
on record. He was a farmer, and when
his wife came to him with broken darn
ing needle, and suggested the necessity
of having a new one, if socks were to be
mended, this mean man selected an egg
from the hen house, tramped four miles
to the village store and offered to trade
the egg for darning needle-he was too
mean to buy a whole paper OF them.
The deal went through, and the mean
man, happening to see sign Eggs 80
cents a Dozen" observed, Eggs is kinder
high, haint they?" The clerk admitted
that they were. WAL" drawled the
mean man, "seein' as eggs is so high,
don't We think We ought to throw in
treat?" The clerk said if he was mean
and cheeky enough to ask for a treat,
he'd just go him. What should it be?
"Waal,' said the mean man, 81 guess
I'll take a little sherry and egg" and
the clerk, without turning hair, pour
ed out some sherry and broke the egg he
had just received in exchange for the
darning needle into the glass.
"Gee,' said the mean man, that's a
double yolked egg" The clerk admitted
1t. Say" said the farmer, after pause,
II guess you owe me another needle"
An important Aberdeenshire parish be-
ing vacant, it became the duty of the
Presbytery to supply the pulpit. and
when, among others, it. fell to a minister
In close proximity to officiate he took
as text Nov, Jacob was plain man,
living in Tents On the following Sat-
urday says Good Words, brother Pres
byter living at a distance, whose turn
came next put UP at the manse of him
who had preached previously. Discover
ing that he had left his own intended
sermon at home, he begged his friend for
the loan of one and was told, eff ye
open that drawer yell find plenty; just
help yourself" Taking the first that ap-
peared he retired to another room, say
ing: I'm thinking this as a gey nice
bit sermonie; I'll just read 1t over" Next
day, to the establishment of the con-
gregation not only was the text of the
previous Sunday announced, but 1t was
followed by the we'll remembered sermon
they had recently listened to. Many were
the whispered remarks over the church,
oil ocfn lob