Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-10-24

He Reflects: Destiny" said the pen.
sive boarder. ais like chicken-it isn't
everybody who can carve 1t to his en-
tire satisfaction.
Amicus-So you have another baby at
your house; what is he like? Eminent
Critc-Well, he is not very interesting.
but he is mighty convinclng.-Life.
The Ideal: The Vegetarlan-What
kind Of. dinner did my wife put up?
"Finel We had greens and salad, and,
in fact, dinner fit for cow-I mean
for a king."-Life.
Mrs. Chatter-Do you believe all the
disagreeable things you read in the pa
pers about people? Mrs. Tattle-Oh.
dear. no!-only when they are about
people know.-Chicago News.
II must be full of electricity" said
O., proudly. when l stroke q cat, all
her hairs stand on end" "Oh. that's
nothing" replied t.; my dog can make
her do that by Just looking at her."
Tramp-Madam. have you an az?
Lady of the House-No. Tramp-Have
you a saw? Lady of the House-No.
have no saw. Tramp-Then give me
a little something to eat. please.-Har-
lem Life.
"Ellza, why do you write SO many let
tiers In such hot weather." "Well,
David, IL don't keep ail our relatives
posted on the awful heat here they Will
be landing on us TO visit. indianapolis
Journal.
Evidently the Head Of the House:
"No." said the man at the door. II
have no views on politics" well" re-
turned the political canvasser, "in that
case I'd like to interview your wife,
Chicago Post.
airs. Cable" observed friend Of
the family, "is very superior woman.
She can converse lntelligently. be-
lieye. on thousand different topics"
YES" sighed Mr.. Cable. "and she
does."-Tit- Bits.
How 1t Happened: First Citizen-I
hat attended der political meetings of
bot parties der last ten years. Second
Citizen-Ah! You like to hear both
sides? First Citlzen-Nein! lpelong to
prass pand!-Puck.
Not Afraid: "She talked to him just
TO let him know she wasn't afraid Of
old bachelors" "Yes7' "And he talked
to her to let her know that he wasn't
afraid of widows" "Wcll?" "Oh.
they're married now."-Chicago Record.
A Double Blow: "Yes. we had quite
a blowout at our house this morning"
Peculiar time for it." Yes: the new
hired girl blew out the gas in the gas
stove, and the gas blew out the side
of the kitchen" Plain Deal
er.
did you dance until the wee sma'
hours?" asked one young man. mo. l
didn't We danced till the last car had
gone, and l had to walk three miles.
They were the biggest hours I ever re-
member having encountered.
ington Star.
Byles-Did you ever come across
more conceited fellow than Bulger7
They say he is an atheist; and believe
he Is. Bonter-I wouldn't like to 60 as
far as that; but do know that he
doesn't recognize the existence Of -s,lsr
perior being. Brooklyn Life.
Impressed on Her Memory: ITS
been four years now" said the deserted
lady. .since he left ME and his happy
home. remember 1t just as well as
yesterday-how he stood at the door,
holding 1t open till six flies got in the
house" Press.
Stranger--l noticed your advertise
ment in the paper this morning for a
man to retail imported canaries. Pho
prietor of Bird Store-Yes, SIR Are
you looking for job? Stranger-Oh,
no. merely had & curiosity to know
how the canaries lost their tatls.-Chi-
cago News.
Hell saw that farm that was adver-
tised. and think I'll buy 1t. She-Ohi
Then we'll move away from the hateful
city for good? He-Yes. It's fine
place; fourteen acres and a pond on 1t.
She Won't that be nice? We can raise
pond lilies and watermelons in it.-Phil-
adelphia Press.
There was piece Of cold pudding on
the lunch table, and mamma divided IL
between Willie and Elsie. Willie
looked at his pudd!ng--tllen at his
mothers empty plate. Mamma" he
said, earnestly, 81 can't enjoy my pud-
ding when you haven't any. Take
Eisie's. life.
A Long-felt Want: Boss-I don't
know whether to discharge that new
boy or raise his salary. Manager-What
has be been doing? Boss-He rushed
Into my private Office this morning and
told me there was a man downstairs
who would like TO see me. Manager
Who was II? Boss-A blind man.-Tit
Bits.
A Contradiction: Politlcian-My boy,
the door to every successful business is
labeled Push" Thoughtful Youth
Isn't your business successful one,
sir? Politician Well, yes. | Hatter my
self that 1t is very successful. Why
do you ask that? Thoughtful Youth
Because. sir, l see your door ls labeled
Pull Free Press
Repartee: Observing the manager of
the drug department, the woman ac-
costed him i'll spirit of badinage. ~
have kleptomanin, she said; what
would you advise me to take" "The
elevator, by all means!' said the man.
a9er, wittily. And not something just
az good" exclaimed the woman, affect
ing great surprise. Detroit Journal.
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Diamonds Said TO Be Alive.
A diamond is as much alive as man.
Thus declares Professor Won Schroen
Of the Naples University. According
to him the so-called inorganic bodies
possess quite as much life as organic
ones. He also claims to have photo
graphs of the chief events in the life Of