Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-05-22

sneaking up the alley AS each one of
them was armed with q more or less
businesslike revolver she became alarmed
for the safety Of the domestic animals
in the vicinity.
Raising the window, she hailed the
band: Boys, what are YOU going to
do?''
No answer.
Are you going to kill cat?'
Still 10 answer.
Boys, if YOU don't answer me at once
shall call the policeman and have every
ore Of you arrested"
This broke the ice. The boy in front,
with the most Misunderstanding weapon
Of the lot. looked up and said:
'Ah. shut UP; were playing soldier.
And the elderly lady retired.
She was standing on the front porch
reading in the story paper, which had
Madam, said Meandering Mike,
did | see you brush away tear Jes'
ROW."
"Spos'n l did" she returned. Its no
business of yours.
Il spoke in kindness, lady You amt
treatin' yerself right to cry an read both
at Gnce It's double strain on yer
eyes. an You might as well listen to my
hard-luck stories, an save yer eyes eA-
clusiveiy fur de weeps. If you like
tcuchin stories, lady, here's yer chance
to have 'em brought to yer door, an you
needn't pay 81 Il years subscription Ill
advance, neither. It's de chance OF yer
life. lady, to trade of cold victuals for
pathos. w Washington Star.
THE man came this morning for the
what Go you call t-why the thing we
all go into"
,bz,rCl, -
No. no. They keep it at the drug
stores"
"Bathtubs?''
No, no. They get them out every
year
Give il up
why, city directory
Mrs Greene-'.Yes. young Stoughton
does frequent drinking saloons. but J.
don't think he does it because he likes
it,
Mrs. Gray-"He isn't compelled to Wis
it such places
Mrs. Greene-"No. l suppose not. OK
cept in q conventional sort of way. But,
as | said, L don't think he enjoys enter
ing saloons | happened to see him the
other day rs he went into one, and af-
terWard when he came out. When he
went in he looked terribly glum. showing
that he was doing what was not agree
able, but when he came out he was as
cheerful as you please, showing of course
that he Was glad to make his escape from
the place. Boston Transcript
-:o:-
"Never mind said the comforter to
the detected lover. Don't let one refu-
sal deter you. Ask her again. \ wom-
ans no often means yes"
A Woman'S no may sometimes mean
yes replied the rejected one. but | am
convinced that a woman's nit means
no. "-Pittsburg acknowledgement
I'VE are most eatin' up by taxes.
Weary"
"Wot's de matter now, Dusty
TOO much war taxes. OF man.
Affect you any, Dusty|'
Me. | should say. Wy. you know
that OF med cine bottle l found ON til
dump back there and carried along to
catch beer drippins in?''
well. sir. that there bottle had to
have Il war tax stamp on it. Wot do YOU
think of that?"-Cleyeland Plain Dealer
with the help of Providence said
the pious physician, Il hope to restore
You 10 health.
All exclaimed the sick woman whose
sole ambition was the achievement of So
cal distinction. IF | must have the eli
mate Of Rhode Island. why not New
pert Philadelphia Press.
President Eliot Of Harvard at an alum
nj dinner some time ago, said Il cannot
acknowledge that as the years go by |
am growing old. | have evidence to the
contrary. When ! was proctor at Cam
bridge, a few years after my graduation.
| learned that the students spoke of me
habituallv as Old Eliot 4 few nights
ago. on the other hand. l met group of
students in the street. and when | passed
them | heard one say to the others: /
wonder where Charlie has been so late| "
Mr.. Crouch" said the POSTMASTER,
will now respond to the toast, The La
dies -
The Savage Bachelor arose, pale and
determined.
The ladies' said he The ladies'
God bless Them nevertheless. Indiana
polls Press.
%
Papa (reaching for the rod)-'Now
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