The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1900-07-26
A PRACTICAL JOKER.

.nNE Of the most notorious practical
" jokers in the tribe OF commercial t1av-
alers had a rough journey of it from Wash
inrton to Chicaho not long ago. lie Is a
diamond salesman, and the unique jobs
he has been putting ny on his friends OF the
road during the past 70 years and more are
often told about in the progress OF the
smoking car reunions and couvcrsazones
among the knights of the grip. few
weeks ago he met three old-timers, in diff
ferent lines, in Washington, and he found
that they were all bound for Chicago, as he
was, so they started together. His three
companions got together before the start
and studied out ways and means whereby
they could make the practical joker's trip
with them joyous and unusual.
That they succeeded is proven by the re-
mainder of this story, which is fully vouched
for by the three friends individually and
collectively.
They all left on an afternoon train, to
which two seepers were attached. Two OF
the drummcrs had berths in one car, and
the other two in the second When night
drew on the three took advantage of the
temporary absence of the practical joker to
herd the two porters of the sleepers up in
corner and say things to them.
"This man we're with" the spokesman
said to the two porters, "is in bad health,
and his mind has become somewhat affected.
We are taking him to a sanitarium in Chi
cago for treatment We've been watching
him pretty closely for some days now, and
we're all more or less tuckered out, so that
we want to get in good nights sleep. This
friend of ours, whose heads a bit wrong,
isn't violent at ALL so long as he takes his
medicine every half hour, day and night.
If he misses his medicine, however, he's
liable to do some injury to himself and to
others around him. We want you two por-
ters to take turns waking him up for his
medicine every half hour. Here's the medl-
cine" and the spokesman handed one of the
porters a bottle of black decocton that
looked like ink. and here's a five.dollar
note, that you can split up between you for
waking him up for his medicine. Well at
tend to him up to the time he goes to bed,
but you two want TO wake him every half
hour during the night and tell him quietly,
but firmly, that it's time for him to take
his medicine. He may kick and cuss and
tear and rear around, but never you mind
that He doesn't know that he's bit off
his base, and he's not responsible for what
he says or does. Now, have you got that
! down.
"Yessuh,' said the two grinning porters,
and the job was arranged. The practical
/ joker returned shortly afterward and Joined
| the three, bissfully unconscious of the
scheme that had been cooked up on him
He was the first to begin to stretch and
/ yawn and announce that he guessed he'd
| turn in, and then the party broke up each
man making for his berth.
The man who had been putting up prac.
| tical Jokes on his friends during the greater
| part Of his life was pretty tired and sleepy
and not more than two minutes after he'd
turned in the snores which proceeded from
| his berth showed that he was in the land
of dreams. His three friends hadn't gone tc
| bed at all, however. They assembled again
! in the smoking compartment after the prac
! tical joker had gone to bed and about 4C
minutes later they saw the porter Of the
car march up to the practical joker's berth
yank aside the curtains and poke the man
inside.
Hey, boss, it's dun time TO yo' leet''
Dose" said the porter, punching the vic
tim awake and handing him the blacf
! bottle.
The three friends could only hear some in
| distinct groWlS coming from the Dertn o.
the awakened man, and then they saw th'
porter poke him again.
"Yessuh, now's de time TO yo' medicine
suh,' the porter said again and then the
three, who were peering out of the door o.
the smoking compartment heard some gen
uinely warm language from the berth o.
the man whose slumbers had been broken.
A few moments later the porter entered
the smoking compartment and announced
to the three that he'd duly handed the crazy
man his bottle Of medicine.
That's good Nose, and you want to SCI
that he gets good and awake every hal
hour during the night, too said the mar
who had fixed up the job. Don't just le
him roll over and grunt, but poke him un
til he's broad awake. I don't want anything
to happen around here, but that mans liza
bic to do something fierce if he doesn't tax,
that quieting stuff every half hour"
The porter promised that either he or hi
partner in the other car would attend t.
the wakjng-up stunt regularly every hal
hour, and the three went to bed themselves
blithely happy in the hope and belief thai
the practical joker would actually be upoI
the brink Of madness by daylight.
The practical joker was rudely iarreC