Mesa free press., 1900-11-23

/ lie RenectS: Destiny" said the PEN
sive boarder, SIS like chicken-it isn't
everybody who can carve 1t to his en-.
tire satisfaction. Puck.
Amicus-So you have another baby at
your house; what is he like? Eminent
Critic-W Well, he is not very interesting.
but he is mighty convincing.-Life.
The Ideal: The vegetarian-W What
kind of a dinner did my wife put up?
''Finel We had green's and salad, and,
in fact, a dinner fit for cow mean
for king."-Life.
Mrs. Chatter-Do you believe all the
disagreeable things you read in the pa
pers about people? Mrs. Tattle-Oh,
dear, no!-only when they are about
people know.-C Chicago News.
II must be full of electricity" said
c., proudly. when l stroke cat, all
her hairs stand on end" "Oh, that's
nothing" replied T.; my dog can make
her do that by just looking at her."
Tramp Madam, have you an ak?
Lady Of the House-No. Tramp-Have
you saw? Lady Of the House-No,
have no saw. Tramp-Then give me
little something to eat. please.-Har-
lem Life.
Eliza, why do you write so many let
ters in such hot weather." "Well.
David, If don't keep all our relatives
posted on the awful heat here they will
be landing on US to visit."-Indianapoli
Journal
Evidently the Head Of the House:
| NO." said the man at the door, Il
have no views on politics." "Well," re-
turned the political canvasser, "in that
case I'd like to interview your wife,
Chicago Post.
Mrs. Cable" observed a friend Of
the family, is very superior woman.
She can converse intelligently, l be-
lieye, on q thousand different topics"
YES" sighed Mr.. Cable. "and she
does."-Tft Bits.
How 1t Happened: First Citizen-I
haf attended der political meetings OF
bot parties der last ten years. Second
Citizen-Ah! You like to hear both
tides? First Citizen-Nein! pelong to
prass pand!-Puck.
Not Afraid. s'She talked to him just
to let him know she wasn't afraid OF
Sid bachelors" "YesY' And he talked
to her to let her know that he wasn't
afraid of widows" "Welly "Oh,
hey're married now."-Chicago Record.
A Double Blow: Eyes, we had quite
q blowout at our house this morning"
Peculiar time for it," YES; the new
hired girl blew out the gas in the gas
stove, and the gas blew out the side
Of the kitchen" Cleveland Plain Deal
er.
did you dance until the wee sma'
hours?" asked one young man. mo.
didn't. We danced till the last car had
gone, and l had to walk three miles.
They were the biggest hours ever re-
member having encountered. Wash
ington Star.
Byles-Did you ever come across a
more conceited fellow than Bulger?
| They say he Is an atheist; and believe
he is. Bonter-I wouldn't like to go as
far as that; but do know that he
| doesn't recognize the existence Of SUI
perior being. Brooklyn Life.
Impressed on Her Memory: Its
been four years now" said the deserted
lady, "since he left me and his happy
home. / remember it just as well as
yesterday-how he stood at the door,
holding it open till six flies got in the
house. indianapolis Press.
Stranger noticed your advertise
ment in the paper this morning for
man to retail imported canaries. Pro
prietor of Bird Store Yes, sir. Are
you looking for job? Stranger Oh,
no. l merely had q curiosity to know
1 how the canaries lost their tails.-Chi-
cago News.
Hell saw that farm that was adver-
tised, and I think I'll buy it. She-Oh!
Then we'll move away from the hateful
city for good? He-Yes. It's fine
j place; fourteen acres and pond on 1t.
She-Won't that be nice? We can raise
pond lilies and watermelons in it.-Phil-
adelphia Press.
There was piece Of cold pudding on
the lunch table, and mamma divided it
between Willie and Elsie. Willie
looked at his pudding then at his
mothers empty plate. Mamma" he
said, earnestly, II can't enjoy my pud-
ding when you haven't any. Take
Elsie's."-Life.
A Long-felt Want: Boss-I don't
know whether to discharge that new
boy or raise his salary. Manager-What
has be been doing? Boss-He rushed
into my private Office this morning and
told me there was a man downstairs
who would like to see me. Manager
/ Who was it? Boss-A blind man.-Tit
Bits.
A Contradiction: Politician-My boy,
! the door to every successful business Is
i labeled push" Thoughtful Youth