Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-09-26

ct uf water an fill the kittle an clean
out the ashes an empty the swill bucket
an feed the stock an, hurry back ter
breakfastr Atlanta Constitution.
There was once a Woman whose Hus-
band Business Kept Him in the City
during the Summer. Among those Hab-
its Of his which she Proposed to Reform
was that OF Going Away on Little Trips
on Sundays. 1T is not a Suitable Occu-
patton for The Sabbath she said. land
AGAINST my Princip1eS, So the Nan
Papers Of this, however, she Disap-
proved 1T is Debasing Intellectnally."
| she said and besides, it is Against my
Principles SO the Man gave UP the
Sunday Papers and Sat and Smoked all
day. But this she Did not Permit very
long. 1T is an Unwholesome Habit and
Ian Expensive One" she said; 'besides,
! il is Against my Principles" On the
Next Sunday the Man purchased Il Tick
| ct to Manhattan Beach, and left his
Homo with a Cigar and Sunday Paper
in his hand. Sunday is a Hard Enough
| Day without so Many Principles" he
said. SO she lost the chance Of Reform
ing Him. This Fable teaches us that
| Man was not Male for the Sabbath
| Harpers BaZar.
Wife (who has been struck by bicy-
cle)-"Never mind, dear. Don't make d
scene Of it,
Husbands What. Do you think I'll
| let him go without saying what | Think
Wife-"But I'm not really hurt
| Uusband-"That doesn't matter. A
! little more and he might have run into
! me '-Tit-Bits.
The Scottish American says that Il
| IN ST SE IN
who was standing looking in at one OF
the Sunday school windows now he
would like to join the Sunday school and
grow up good man.
What. sort o Sunday schulz is't?
| 'Stabiished|'
Yes said the clergyman. 1T is con
nected with the Established church. Are
you not coming in?'
Ma" replied the boy. Il tried the
Established kirk Sunday schulz last year.
an only got twa fardin' oranges an Il
peck o sweeties at the Christmas tree.
sac I'm gaun tae gle the Free Kirk a
trial this year
A good story is that of the clergyman
| who, while preaching eXtempOraneouS!y,
touched on the subject of miracles. Some
people, he said, had difficulty i'll accept
ing the miraculous stories Of the Bible.
! as. for example, the story of the speech
that Bahamas ass made TO his master.
Looking Solemnly at the congregation
| the preacher hammered in his contention
with the remark: why should not God
make an ass to speak-He made me to
speak"
Apropos of the trouble the Shah is
causing at Ostend. a story is being told
by the Belgian Times of the first visit Of
Nasr-ed-Din, the father of the present
monarch, to the King of the Belgians at
! the Chateau de Laeken. When he saw
the Queen surrounded by her ladies in
waiting, the Shah said to the King.
Your harem, siret'
The question took the King so much
by surprise that he did not for a moment
reply. and the Shah, taking his silence
for consent, looked critically along the
line and added, mildly but decidedly:
You will have to renew 1.-THE Lon
don Express.
Not long ago an Arizona rancher post
ed the following notice on Il cottonwood
tree, not far from his place of abode.
My wife Sarah has left my ranch when
/ didn't Do Thing TOO ner, and | want
it distinkly understood that any Man as
takes her in an Keers for her ON my ac
count will get himself Pumped so Full Of
Led that some tenderfoOt will locate him
for mineral claim. A word to the wise
is sufficient and orter work on fools
The other day an amateur nurse in
South Africa went UP to doctor and
asked him what she must do.
You should have learned that before
you came here" the doctor replied. DO
anything that wants doing
The nurse went up to handsome but
wounded Highlander and said:
will you let me wash your face:
E,1t lnl1y,p hpI
washed six times since breakfast and
there's two more ladies I've promised to
wash me. But hope to get a snooze be-
fore tea.'-London Spare Moments.
'Bur-rds is intelligent" Mrs. Branni-
gan observed as she encountered her
friend. Mrs. O'Flaherty ''Ye can tachc
'em anything. Me sister has wan that
lives in a clock, an whin its time to tell
tn time it comes out an says cuckoo as
NANNY times as tn time is
Its wonderful" said Mrs. O'Fla-
herty
1T is, indeed" said Mrs. Brannisan.
AN the wonderful par-rt Of it all is
it's only a wooden bur-rd at that.'-
Philadelphia Times.
She doesn't look very athletic,
Jess-'Who, Miss Summergal? Indeed
she doesn't"
Tess-"But you said she was always
engaged in some college sport
Stupid! | said engaged to-
Philadelphia Press.
In one Of Chauncey NJ. Depew's stories
he tells of meeting a man as funny as
himself.
Zone day." said Mr.. Depew. Il met a
soldier who had been wounded in the
face. He was Union man, and / asked
in which battle he had been injured.
'''In the last battle of Bull Run, sir
he replied.
But X v could you get hit in the
face at Bull RUM l asked.