Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-03-03
THE WALL OF A CLERK

sometimes" said afsdepartmental clerk,
over an evening,pipe, III get to wondering
whether I've got any Eight to go on living
and breathing or not. These are the times
when and my tribe-other folks who work
for the government In the departments
get 1t coming AID gofhg at the hands. or,
rather, at the 1pngues, of the gentlemen
who make laws and appropriations up at
the Capitol. don't tniieve that the really
wise heads up at theoCapitol are agin us.
There are NUMEROUS national legislators
who seem to take it for granted that we
do the best we can to, earn our wages, and
that. taken in bulk, Were a fairly compe.
tent bunch Of public servants. But then
again. there are slews of chaps who are
entitled to vote In one or the other of the
wings or the big domed building who are
down on us from away back on general
principles or no principles, and these take
periodical whacks at us for general results.
l reao The stars report of speech made
these legislators while back. AS I read
IL L found myself trying to figure out
Whether l ought to be classed with all
around crooks, clearinghouse sneaks and
JAIL blrds, just because happened to be in
receipt of semi-menthly pay at the hands
OF uncle sam. Really, l couldn't exactly
see that l figured as a criminal, or drone,
or parasite, or a barnacle, as this legis-
Aoeoi u aStiSdlly SdlQ lndt anu all tH6
rest Of the government clerks did. The
view this man expressed appears to be that
or a lot of backwoodsmen, who get them
selves elected to come to Washington.
the minute that they put foot in this town.
Ihey never miss a trick when they get a
chance to stand up and shout about what
no.account, incompetent, cheap, lazy,
grasplnS, parasitic, hanging-on, utterly
worthless crowd government clerks are.
Inc governments clerical work has got to
be done, hasn't it? There've got to be gov
eminent clerks, haven't there? / wonder
II these Reubenville exhorters who break
into Congress and Immediately begin to
apply the stuffed club and the slapstick to
the whole tribe of departmental parasites
ana barnacles-thats one of their pet
ine that the work of the gov
eminent Is performed or could be perform
ed, by gang of idle. Sinking sybarites,
whose one ambition in life is to get their
names on the pay roll when the dtsbursing
clerks assistant comes around with it?
Inc truth of the matter is that the govern
ments work is done darned well, nor are
the people who do it overpaid one-ffteenth
OF 1 per cent. either. The work that the
average $1,2O0-per-annum clerk is called
upon to do is of a sort that would be worth
considerably more than 800 a month in the
business world. / know men in the govern
ment departments who are performing for
$1,oO0 or so year a character of headwork
that men not in the government service re-
forming-and these are the kind of public
servants who come in for the Hayville con-
gressmen's periodical roasts. and get them
selves alluded to by the latter as public
leeches: and pap feeders and 'barnacles
upon the body polite and 'office-holding
pinheads,' and that sort of thing. There are
a whole lot Of desks in the departmental
buildings of this town that these vitupera-
tive critics from Painted Post or Zebedee' s
cross Roads couldn't hold down for twenty
minutes without, making holy shows of
themselves. and the clerks who are holding
them down today get from 500 to $50 for
their loyal labors.
Nine out of ten of them earn every TEN
Isin tael that Is coming to them, and lots
OF them earn three or four times as much
as they get. 1t, would simply astonish some
IoikS TO know how many veteran, seasoned
devoted and faithful clerks of the adjutant
generals office of the war department, for
example. turned up their toes and actually
died from the tremendous amount Of labor
they essayed to perform during the pro-
eress of the Spanish var.
Inc introduction Of the various bills in
the House and Senate providing for a retIr-
ing fund for government clerks has been a
Dui1y good chance for the hanky-pank leg
1slators from the Uncle Tom and minor
league circuit, who run to fires for the first
three or four months that they are in
Washington. and they have seized 1t with
avidity to expatiate upon what they don't
know about the civil service of the govern
ment. These retiring fund bills provide
that certain percentage of each govern
ment clerks pay is to be withheld from his
monthly wages and set aside for the pur-
poses of the fund, so that disabled clerks,
or those who have been In the service a GER
tain number Of years, may be pensioned of.
You wouldn't think a proposition like that
would Jolt even a middle-of-the-road tur-
nip-digger of a legislator of his feet, would
you? The moneys to come out of the
clerks wages, and tho government isn't to
be called upon for tin nickel for the sup
port of the pensioned-off clerks. But the
clerk roasters at the Capitol have emitted
all kinds of wild, tempestuouse yawps about
this thing Of pensiontng lifelong govern
ment jobbers,' and the outgoing matfs have
been burdened with their speeches on the
subject. forwarded to constituents who know
as much about the civil service of the
United States government as they do about
the Whereabouts of Andree or the whence
ness of the man who sfugged Billy Patter-
son?
Of age. I came to Washington and went to
work for the government as a clerk early
in the seventies. I've done my work right
up to the handle, Paid my bills as I've gone
general. I've been a pretty decent sort Of
a citizen of this republic. If 1 had de-
voted the same time and energy to pri-
vate business enterprise as l have to the
government service in the course Of the
past twenty-five years or so, I'd be on vel
vet now, and ready to settle back for a
comfortable old age. But I'm not on vel
vet. 1t has cost me all Of my government
wages to bring my family up and keep 'em
going. Now, do you think 1t would be the
real thing for the United States govern
ment to pick me up by the scruff Of the
neck and pitch me into the street after my
quarter of a century's service and more?
Well, I'm not in the habit of sympathizing
with myself to the accompaniment of slow
music on the E string-but I'm bound to
say that 1 think the United States govern
ment would be a mean, cheap and measly
outfit II 1t did anything Of the sort. Does
any respectable business house or corpora
tion throw It's employees Of twenty or TWEEN
ty-five years standing out into the cold
world? Not that I ever heard of. 1t is
right here that the clerks retirement fund
comes In. Cops are pensioned. after a GER
tain number of years service, and so are
firemen. Well. I've always striven to be
as truly good as the average policeman or
fireman, anyhow, and I think I ought to
be the recipient of as fair treatment as
either Of them, don't your"
Simple Remedy for Insomnia.
A well-Lnown New York physician, while
recently speaking to the writer of the va
rious methods Of inducing sleep. saidr 1--WE
tried them all-putting a cold towel on the