The Canton times. (Canton, Miss.) 1893-1906, 1900-09-21
TESTS IN WOE AND WARFARE.
Bitter Jokes and Facetfous Sayings
i'm the Very Face of De-
structiOn.

| Jests have been uttered in the most
apparently unlikely situations. "Ves-
pasian died in jest writes Lord Ba-
con, and on sick beds, in prisons and on
| scaffolds the inveterate humorist has
| given vent to witticisms. Don't send
me 20 Gravesend by water" pleaded
Hood, when his doctor recommended
| hydropathic treatment; Sir Thomas
Moore's last utterance in life was jest.
Don Quixote," with all Sancho Panza's
wit and humor. was composed in pris-
on. It is not. therefore, surprising,
| that there should be instances of jests
made amid the horrors of war Sieges
appear to have frequently furnished
| material for witticisms, generally ut
tered by the besieged, who may have
| resorted to testing as means of keep
| ing up their falling spirits; as the late
| beleaguered garrison at Mafeking or
ganized loan exhibitions and needle
work competitions. 1t must be con-
fessed that the jests uttered by the
holders of beleaguered fortress were
often more sarcastic than courteous,
sometimes even taking the form of ac-
tual insult to their foes; as in the case
when, in the eleventh century, the citi-
zens of Alencon, besieged by William
the Conqueror. hung out raw hides over
their walls with the inscription: More
work for the tanners son"-in con-
temptuous allusion to the parentage of
Williams mother. Arlotta, whose ia
Their was a tanner, says the London
Globe.
In 1913, when Waller, the parlia-
mentary general, besieged Arundel
castle, the cavalier garrison not only
responded to his summons of surren-
der by fiat defiance, but, in denial of
their alleged land actuaD want of pro-
visions, hung out white flag at Christ
mas, and under cover of this parley
called some of our men and gave them
letters directed to our general. in which
they desired sack. tobacco, cards and
dice to be sent to them. to make them
merry at this idle time, promising to
return us for them beef and mutton;'
request Waller characterized as very
bold and insolent." The insinuation
that the pious parliamentary army was
so much better supplied with "cards
and dice" than were the traditionally
"debooshed" cavaliers was doubtless a
sore offense to the staid parliamentary
general, more especially as he adds:
1--WE know them (the garrison) to be in
truth hunger bitten and lacking wa
ter"
A yet more contemptuous jest was
made upon besiegers by the famous
Black Agnes, countess of March, when
defending the Castle of Dunbar against
its English assailants in 1885. During
the siege the countess and her maids
frequently appeared upon the town
walls armed with cloths, with which
they ostentatiously wiped the spots
where the huge stones cast by the enc
my's machine fell. as though the only
in jury these could do was to raise a
little dust. Irritated by this contempt.
uous treatment, the earl of Salisbury,
then commanding the English forces,
brought to the assault a machine then
known as a 'sow," from the resem-
blance of its shape to hogs back
a strongly constructed timber erection,
which, being thrust close to the walls
of town or fortress, protected party
of soldiers beneath it, who could then
attack the wall with mining tools.
Beware, Montagow,
For farrow shall they sow,
Cried out the derisive countess as the
machine approached. and at the same
moment huge fragment of rock was
dropped from the walls upon the ma
chine, which was almost crushed by
its weight. Behold the litter of Eng
fish pigs!" cried the countess as the
surviving soldiers fled from the ruins
of the machine. The earl of Salisbury
could Jest in turn. Riding one day
within sight of the walls of Dunbar in
company with another knight, the lat
ter was fatally struck by an arrow from
the battlements. THAT is one of the
countess love tokens" remarked Sails
bury as his companion fell; I'VE see
that Black Agnes love shafts pierce to
the heart
A somewhat ill-natured jest upon the
timidity of her male companion was
uttered by Countess Won Noss to Gen.
Won Kockritz as they followed the king
and queen of Prussia in their fight be.
fore Napoleon in 1907. The countess
and the general were delayed upon
their journey by the bad weather, and
the latter several times expressed his
fears lest they should be overtaken by
the French and be possibly massacred,
or at the least made prisoners"
swell, at least, they will only take
two old women prisoners" exclaimed
the countess, impatiently. Eloquent
and imprisoned addresses have been