Willmar tribune., 1900-05-09
FEkcERAIL PHILOSOPHY.

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PARROTT FER KONGRESS.
Ez passed by PARROTS plais the
uther day notist Jack standing in
the barnya ard looking ez thawtfull ez
a ayoung gal trying to desyde which
OF her luvers she likes the best.
asked him if be wuz thinking of his
annecksayshun skeam. "No,' sez
Parrott, 81 he'd to Civ thet up. I6nds
thet Ole is a voter and Mark don't
want to rob him in way thet he will
understand. Them Fillypeenos liv fur
OFT and haint got no pursenel trends
hear, and kant vote agin Mack, so
Mark thinks it is awlrlte to takkel
them fer thare land. But I wuz spek-
ewlayting on anuther skeam. I'm
tyerd of farming. In koors I noa we
is prosperus; Mack sez so, and Mark
sez so, and awl the Republican pay
pers sez so. Tharfor it must be troo.
But sumhow heather I nor eny of my
nayburs hev bin abel to ketch on to the
sell thay wuz wurth nothing. When
evryboddy kwitt raysing horses thay
got so skairs that Mack and Mark
wuz abel to git in thar prosperity
wurk and rails the prise. But bland
if diddent hev to buy horses myself
by thet time. When potaytos wuz HE
the krop wuz smawl, and when we he'd
a big krop the prise wuz loa. Irecken
Mack and Mark ar kept so bizzy pro-
doosing prosperity fer the manew-
facktewrers and ralerodes thet thay
kant git arownd to Civ prosperity to
moar than one farm proddukt at a
time. But it seams nifty kwear thet
thay shood awlwaze pick owt the prod
dukt the farmers hev the leest Of. If
thay applyde it to wheel whin owr
graneries wuz busting with wheel and
to horses when owr pastewrs wuz full
of the kritters it wud help US wonder
fully. Howsumever, I'm goaing to
Civ up farming. I wuz jest thinking
of running fer kongress.''
"Well, jack" sez I, 81 don't noa
butt thet yur senerel lack of nolledj
and yur abillyty to foller instruck-
shuns from the bosses wud maik yu
an ideel kandydait fer the Mack-Han-
naytes."
''Thet's jest it, sez Parrott. Un-
der the present sistem WHARF Mark
and Mack ar the hull cheas I klame
thet the less man noas the better kon-
gresham he will maik. A man what
noas thing or two himself il lyabel
to disagrea with the ideers of Mack
and Mark, and then he wud Gather
hev to swaller hiz konvickshuns,
which wud maik it nifty unkomfert-
abel for himself, or he will go agin
thare wishes which kawses a lot OF
trubbel for NJ ack and Mark and draws
thare atteushun from the prosperity
wurk. Do yu think awl theas striks
and lockowts wud hev happend if thay
haddent bin kept bizzy ecksplayni
the Porto Reeckan tariff bill thet sun
Republicans wuz foolish enuff to OBJ
jeckt to just kaws it wuz kontrairy tc
to the konstitooshun and justiss
Thet's jest what will happen eyr.
time we eleckt kongressmen that per
sisst in doing thare oan thinking o.
lissen to THAR konstitewents. II
koors I realyze that the name diffiku't.
in my way is the fakt thet Eddy al
waze obade Mack and Mark and whel
his konstitewents kickd he sassd then
back and toald them thay didden
noa nuthing skairsly. I'm AFRAID
Mack and Mark ar too we'll soote'
with Eddy to want to chaing but
think I kood foller thare orders jes
ez we'll ez he duss, and tawk jest e
sassy to the peepel when thay dis
agread with my masters. I mebb
don't noa ez mulch abowt whiskey
butt kood lurn."
'sYu hev stayted the kais korrek1
w." sez I. "When a man hez got
mewl thet will hawl emmy kind of
lode oaver emmy kind of rode, with
owt laying back in the harness Q
kicking he aint goaing to traid hir
off fer anuther mewl, no matter ho
likely looking a kritter it may b@
Vile Eddy il kewt enutf to noa th
differens between rite and rong th
bosses noa he wont let thet interfea
with doing thare bidding, Awl tina
hev to do il to throa him an apprc
pryayshun fer postofis bilding or
frea delivery male root and he'll b
awlrite. Then he kin pint to thoas al
ropsayayshuns and tell the peepf
whet a nifty man he il and what II
!. fiooens he hez in kongress: On tn
hull, Jack, awlthoa I noa yu WI
mafk Jest ez good man fer the job
don't think yu hev the kewtness
mock Eddy owt Of the nominayshun.
s.Well," sez Parrott, ''1'm goaln
10 maik a try ennyway. I'll rite
Mack and Mark and tell them I'll i
them do the thinking fer me saim