davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06
Do Your Feet Ache and Burn?

Shake into your shoes Aliens Foot
Ease, powder for the feet. 1t makes
tight or new shoes feel easy. Cures
Corns, Bunions, Swollen, Hot and Sweat
ing Feet. At all druggists and shoe
stores, 25c Sample sent FREE. Ad-
dress Allen S. Omsted, Leroy, n. Y.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

much, says the Lewiston Evening Jour-
nal. He had done farm work up in
northern Aroostook
The other motorman was instructing
him.
If 4 fire alarm rings in," said the old
hand, remember that the department,
the fire engine and the rest have the
right Of way. Hold right up and let 'eln
pass. If you don t they'll run you down"
The second day an alarm Of fire was
rung in The car was near cross street
where the department must pass.
Hold up" said the instructor
Over the electric track tore the hose
teams, then the fire engine spouting
flame and smoke. The new hand cast a
look UP the street and then spun his con-
troller lever The car started.
You internal fool, what are you do
ing howled the old hand. He jumped
and the new man jumped and the hook
and ladder truck tore the front platform
off the car and disappeared in cloud Of
dust and with its men yelling like fends.
Why didn't you waltz" howled the
instructor.
Ia gar replied his pupil, white and
gaspng, II no t'ink we have to bodder
for dat sacre dam gang O drunk house
painters"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06
Lanes Family Medicine

Moves the bowels each day. In order to
be healthy this is necessary. Acts gently
on the liver and kidneys. Cures sick
headache. Price % and SOC.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

The average charge for tuition fees
in American colleges is S15 year, while
the cost to colleges is S115.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

$50 the elopement on the automobile
was nipped in the bud?"
Eyes; the old man hid the gasoline
can''-Syracuse Herald.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06
Originally Named DunIeary,

1t is interesting to recall the fact that
the name of Kingstown, the Irish port
at which the Queen landed, was original
~ Dunleary.
Sterling silver Pulley Buckles Send %
cents. Quality guaranteed Archie
Tegtmeyer, Gold and Silversmith, Grove
street and National avenue, milwaukee,.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Piso's Cure is the best medicine we
ever used for all affect ons of the throat
and lungs.-Wm. 0. Endsley, Vanburen,
Ind, Feb. 10, 1900.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

The Philadelphia Post says that
Charles j. Bonaparte Of Baltimore was
once presiding at the commencement OK
ercises Of Johns Hopkins university The
address was to have been delivered by a
member of the faculty who was remark
able absent-minded. When introduced he
stGod up and confessed to the large audi
ence that he had forgotten entirely that
he was to make an address; he recalled
that something was on his mind, and he
intended the night before to write out
a speech, but instead of that it slipped his
memory, and he went to the opera. With
that he sat down. Mr.. BOnaparte arose
and spoke these three words: Opera non
verbal" There was q slight pause. and
then q roar Of laughter filed the hall.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Minister-.'Now, little girl, you want to
sir; I'd rather sing in the choir.'-Puek.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Morocco is famous for it's fine mules
The best come from FeZ and are worth
5000 each
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

The Library Journal reports the follow
ing among the humors that relieve the
tedium Of passing out books at the deliv
cry desk at the public library: Small
girl-'Will you give me the book nv
sister wants! Librarian what
book is it" oh, don know. But she
wants it very much Librarian cat n
venture)-Is it $40 Have and to
Hold?" Yes. that's it-all / could
think Of was IF you get it keep it, y
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Customer-"Wow. Didn't you clip of
a piece of my ear that time?" Barber.
"Yessah; but only er little piece, sab; net
huff to feet yoh hearin', sab"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

VITALITY low, debated or exhausted cure,
by Dr. Klines Invigorating Tonic FREE 81. 1ria
Bottle containing 2 weeks treatment. Dr.. Kline
Institute 931 Arch Street, Philadelphia Founded 1871
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Nearly onethird of the beer CON
sumed in the world is brewed in Ger
MANY
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

DO you like young Mr. Clifford $
looks?''
Yes, do, very much
Don't his ears seem rather iong?'
Yes, they are rather long. But you
must remember that I'm Missoury girl,
and dad made his fortune trading
mu!es."-EX
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

.'De trouble in dis life,'' says Uncle
Eben, in the Washington Star, lis dat dc
voice O duty CAN'T do no mon whisper
while de voice O. pleasure uses mega
phone"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06
Halls Catarrh Cure

Is constitutional cure. Price Is cents.
The demand for old, high-back ma
hogany chairs with claw feet is now
large.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

The beautiful Griselda deprecated his
passionate praise.
Il am but a worm after all!'' she
sighed, the traditions of her Puritan an
cestry being strong upon ner.
But you look nice enough to eat!'' pro-
tested the youth.
'Oh, you're bird.' the shy girl fal-
tered, as to indicate that she deemed his
attitude of mind largely matter of point
of view-Detroit Journal.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

-Nienna's great municipal railway sy:
tenn is now in perfect running order
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Brown-"That is a beautiful medal
Smith has Jones-"Yes; that's or
beating the bicycle record ''What is
his record?' Ran over seventeen men
in a week Harlem Life
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Synnex-"You profess to be a devoted
believer in Christian Science; but | no
ticttl that when you had tooth extract
cd the other day you took gas"
Mentor-'I took the gas, not because
there IS such thing as pain, but frcm
fear that l might be led into thinking
that there was in the excitement of the
moment" boston Transcript
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Fishers EiavOring EXTRACTS are endorsed
by pure food laws and the u s. government for their
PURITY and STRENGTH. A. j. Hilbert Co. Milw
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

The number and variety Of knives and
forks that now grace a wel-equipped and
formal dinner table may we'll dismay one
unused to such a var.ega cd display of
cutlery and silver, says the New York
Tribune. There are forks for the oys-
ters, for the fish and for the roast, and
forks as well for anything else that may
be served. There are also knives to cor
respond to the forks that may be needed
These implements that social convention
DEGREES to be necessary to convey food to
the mouth are usually laid out in for
midable rows ON either side of the plate.
The other evening a simple Western mai
den at her first Eastern dinner surveyed
her supply of knives and forks with
growing trepidation. Her common sense
told her that they were laid out in the
regular order in which it was intended
that they should be used, but nothing in
her experience had taught her which was
the right end of the row to start in with.
Finally, in despair she sought help from
her next door neighbor, prominent ply
s.cian. Say, Doc" she questioned anX-
iously, as she pointed at the offending OBJ
jects, do you eat out or in?
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

An autograph hunter, who was very
anxious to obtain the signature of the
poet Campbell, adopted the familiar
stratagem. Having come across a line
in one of his poems, the meaning Of which
pref the words in question. He received
the following lacOnic reply: Sir: In re-
turn to your note, | send you my auto
graph.-Thomas Campbell
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

The new mOtorman was strong and
willing, but he hadn't been in a city very
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

The fire department of Chicago has
ninety-eight steam fire engines.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Cleveland Plain Dealer.
That the late Herr Won Buelow enter
tanned a vaStly-eXalted opinion Of him
self as 4 man and a musician is we'll
known, and, when some years since he
came to this country, he did not doubt
that his reception would be enthusiastic
though he wondered perhaps into what
form the enthusiasm would shape itself
AS his vessel neared New York, he made
out tug in the distance, and presently
became aware of. the fact that band Of
music was on board. Evidently this ha.-
monious greeting had been prepared
Here we will let the narrator of the great
event take up the story. Herr Won Bue
low came on deck, and, conscious of his
own greatness and long hair, feels his.
bosom initiate (ausfuellen) with pride at
this great manifestation Of welcome from
the dear public of Il great and music
loving people. 1t is a national tribute.
Perhaps the minister of fine arts has
charge of this reception. Herr Won Bue-
low bows his acknowledgements; but how
comes it that he is addressed as Hello,
Johnnie? How is it that tine acclama-
tons are evidently directed to a gentle
man who is standing not far distant from
him! 1t was simply a case of 'Donner
appropriated the hOnors that in all reason
should have been bestowed ON the great
pianist. BY some fuke in the natural
order of things the reception was intend
ed for John Ward, the famous baseball
player. Hans Won Buelow, who had
never in his life heard of a baseball bat
or a home run, was thrown into deep
meditation Vas he said to himself.
when he had slowly grasped the situation
de man he mex home run, and you
meet him nit a brass band? / looks me
into dis. Subsequently he remarked to
Il friend: You care not for artists; but
| go and gets me a ball and plays nit it,
Riggs-"Hear about Mrs. Titewadd?
Told her husband she would kill herself
if he didn't buy her a new bonnet"
Jiggs-'What did Ttewadd do?' Got
estimates on funerals. found he could
save 81 Icy buying the bonnet, and saved
her life. Baltimore American.
Thomas Bracket Reed was met by an
admirer at the capitol recently. who adj
dressed him by the plain. unfrilled title
of mister" The deposed car looked at
his admirer with an expression of sur
prise. and then, extending his hand.
drawled:
Il am glad you addressed me as mis-
ter. You are a scholar and a gentleman.
Everywhere | go nearly everybody calls
me Mr.. Speaker. Now, every American
who keeps up with the times knows that
l am not now spea ker, and every we'll
informed American knows that the title
of speaker, unlike that of colonel and
judge, does not adhere to the wearer of
ter he resumes the post of honor in pri
vate station. | like the title of mister.
1t is better than judge or colonel, and is
far more distinguished in this day of mil
itary heroes and just and earned inter
prefers of the law. You show by calling
me Mr.. Reed that you are a man of sense
and, therefore. you will please accent as
surances of my most distinguished con
sideratiOn''
The Library Journal reports the follow
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Rev. Cassius Nj. Roberts is one of the
wittiest and jolliest of divires in Kansas,
a man who be .ieves that smiling is part
of Christian duty and VINO persists in
looking 1T the bright side of things
Needless to say he relishes joke, even
at his own expense. In years agone he
stud ell law and was admitted to the
Ross county bar and practiced for many
years. Ii was on a recent visit there he
felt in with a number of his former com
radeS, and naturally they fell to talking
over old times "Cassius," one of them
asked at last, how did you ever come to
give up the law and enter the ministry p
Well, boys" he answered, his eyes
twinkl;ng. "Pll tel you. You know ]
was mighty poor lawyer and had hard
work 10 get a ong. / stcod it for good
man. years and finally came to the con
chs on that it was a good deal easier to
preach than to practice"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Big fire down on the street" said the
subeditor Oh the thirty ninth floor of the
new Office building. How do you know y
asked the chief. Just got a special dis
patch from our staff CORRESPONDENT on
the first floor Philadelphia North
American
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Mrs. VinslOw's SOOTHING SYRUP for Oh tr.p
teething, softens the gums, reduces in.iamm. ton
alays pain cures wind colo. 25c bottle
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

A woman's club in New York has come
to q sort OF deadlock by reason of the
addiction of its rectors to the BLACK
ball habit" IF you blackball my friend
is the paralyzing formula. An unsympa-
thetic scoffer in Boston observes that the
blackball habit is by no means deplorabe
or pernicous; as long as the women alb
stain from the high ball habit. there is
still hope for. the future of this country
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

At the honoring Of Col. Macdonald in
quired of another, What a. steer was
aboot?' oh. they're making Col. Mac
donald an LID" whats Col. Mac
donald?' "Oh, he's famous soldier
They didna max sich fuss about DER
Jack when he wis made an LID" "Oh.
is your son an LL.D.?' AYE. the sodger
yin. He weers it on his hat He's WI
the 'lectric lightin' Department. Glas-
gov Evening Times.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Washington is ahead of New York
in its automobiles.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

II am 119 years DID, said the visitor.
you observe that my step is firm.
read fine print without the aid of glasses.
l have always used liquor to excess and
smoked cigarettes, and"
''All this is very ordinary broke in
the editor, with a cold sneer
Listen" Numbered the other. II have
all my life partaken Of health foods.
freelyr'
Then the editor burst into loud incred-
ulous laughter and pointed out that the
age of miracles was past.-Detroit Jour
nal.
-:O:--
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Il couldn't hear him." is bit of West
ern slang that has recently drifted East,
but not suttic4 entity SO to take root yet,
says the New York Sun The expression
is used when it's Il case of dealing with
an impractical or unwelcOme proposition.
1t is Il kind of buo. ant, more fguratlve
development of the non-slang phrases Il
wouldn't listen to him. or Il wouldn't
hear 10 it, 'Fitz wants me to give up
my ranch and join him in running his"
an Eas erner now in Texas wrote home,
but | couldn't hear him."
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

An American refugee from the Trans
vaal tells this story of Il school exhibition
in Johannesburg shortly after the out
break of the war. For his benefit this
pointed lesson wars recited:
Pet" said the master, ''cOnjugate for
the stranger i have a gold mine y
Il have gold mine," responded the
bright pupil. with scarcely an accent.
Thou hast a gold thine, he has gold
hisen, we have a gold ourn, you have a
gold yourn, they have a gold theirn. y
Golfers Weekly.
Old Gentleman (rigid teetotaler)- II
thought | told you to write to Mr. Brown
and tell him | was laid up with rheuma-
tismy"
FactOtum-"Ye SIR
Old Gent-"Then what d'you mean by
telling him was laid up with gout?'
Factotum-"Well, sir, to tell the truth,
sir, 1T was more convenient word, SIR
Punch
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Il see, my dear, that Earl de la War;,
who was said to have been captured by
the Beers, contrived to escape. The dis
patch says he lay all night with a
wounded leg behind an amt heap"
What leg was it, William?
Heavens. Next you'll be asking
whose ant it was"'-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-06

Riggs-''Hear about Mrs. Titewadd
Told her husband she would kill herself
if he didn't buy her new bonnet
Jiggs-"What did Titewadd do?" "Got
estimates on funerals. found he could
save So by buying the bonnet and saved
her life. Baltimore American
Hopkinsville Kentuckian., 1900-08-14

] was among the number OF those who
believed It better to ratify the treaty and
end the war, release the volunteers, re-
move the excuse for war expenditures, and
then give TO the Filipinos the indepen-
'dence which might be forced from Spain
By a new treaty
IA View Of the criticism which my ae-
Hopkinsville Kentuckian., 1900-08-14


Imperialism would be profitable to the
army contractors; IL would be profitable
to the shipOWners, who would carry live
soldiers to the Philippines and bring dead
soldiers back; IL would be profitable to
those who would seize upon the franchises
and il would be profitable 10 the officials
whose salaries would be fixed here and
paid over there but to the farmer TO the
labOrug man and TO the vast majority Of
those engaged I'm other occupations, Il
would bring expenditure without return
and risk without reward.
Farmers and labOring men have, as a
rule, small Incomes and, under systems
which place the tax upon all consumption,
pay more than their fair share of the eX-
penses of government. Thus the very pco-
pie who receive least benefit from im-
perialsm will be injured most by the mil
itary burdens which accompany IT,
In addition to the evils which ne and the
farmer share in common the laborlng man
win be the first to suffer ID oriental subjects
seek work Ina the United States; the first
TO suffer II American capital leaves our
shores to employ oriental labor I'm the
PHILIPPINES TO supply the trade of China
and Japan; the first TO suffer from the
violence which the military spirit arousCS,
and the first to suffer when the methods
of Imperialism are applied to our own
government,
II Is not strange therefore, that the labor
organizations have been quick 10 note the
approach OF these dangers and prompt to
protest against both militarism and Inn
perialiam,
The pecuniary argument though more
effective with certain classes, Is not likely
TO be used so often or presented with so
much emphasis as the religious argument.
III what has been termed the "gunpowder
gospel" we're urged against the Fillpinos
that a majority OF the Filiplnos are now
Hopkinsville Kentuckian., 1900-08-14

r'i11,,nHal rinnontocs aDd Is Entjaat 20
80 laFp AZ a sitz6n Of
IIqftt away tjNB aaaurhy enS hir
WN b. Wol8tdd and his intarest
80 AZ the demand OF those whohave
indu0nco. This " the evil OF the
9yetem, no matter by what nation
Hopkinsville Kentuckian., 1900-08-14

The fOrcible annexation OF territory TO
be Governed by arbitrary power differs as
much from the acquisition of territory to
be built up into states as a monarchy diff
iera from a democracy. The democratic
expansion enlarges the area OF the repuD-
Iic ana incorporates land which can be
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1900-05-06
ARDMoRE, SUNDAY, MAY 6.
A nODERN MUNCHAUSEN.

Among the numerous dispatches,
favorable and unfavorable, now
coming from the Philippines one
of Thursday was the most ridicu-
lous Munchausenism yet seen. 1t
told of a garrison of forty men in
a church beng surrounded by hun
dreds Of insurgents who beseiged
them for five days, killing and
wounding more than half the gar
rison without being able to carry
the place by assault. This seems
a sufficient imposition on the ere
dulity Of the American people and
enough to stultify the author of
the dispatch if he were known
But he was an enterprising indi-
vidual with vivid Imagination and
evidently entertaining low esti-
mate of the intelligence of the
American people. He put the cap
stone on this monument of romance
and fabrication by saying that at
the end of five days an American
lieutenant and eight men arrived
to reinforce the garrison, when the
hundreds of 5eseigers fed at sight
of this redoubtable squad. When
such silly stuff is sent out and
sought to be imposed upon an in
telligant public to bolster up the
claims of the superannuated incom-
petent, who has been directing OPP
erations in the islands, that the
war is practically ended, it is time
to call halt. The homely axiom
of Abraham Lincoln has a peculiar
application to the methods pursued
for more than a year in the dissem-
ination of news from the islands:
You can fool all of the people
sometimes, and some of the people
all the time, but you can't fool all
the people all the time"
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1900-05-06

ARDMoRE has been weighed in
the balance and found wanting-
wanting in enterprise, in public
spirit, in local pride and in bust
ness acumen. eAs a result the Con-
federate reunion, with its &1O 800
or $20,0 900 worth of trade, goes to
Sulphur a second time, thaf town
having made the best bid for The
event. Ardmore needs the Lasi-
ness which this great gathering Q
would have brought here and
could have easily afforded to give
$1,000 to get it. She didn't offer
$500 and it goes elsewhere.