The representative. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1893-1901, 1900-01-25

The suffering citizen stood smiling sickly
smile, surrounded by a circle of swishing
skirts. This is only statement OF pam
facts, not study in sibiants phonetics.
though the fact that the suffering citizens
name was Smith might add to that suspi-
cion. Smith had come in from his happy
home in Hinsdale TO do little shopping for
his wife. With specific directions as to how
and where to do it, He had little list on
which We're supdrX articles, including cake
of soap two yards OF silk, toothbrush, a
d roll of tape. pair of black silk stockings
Smith wished that his wife had left them on
"a box OF hairpins, a dozen handkerchief,
and various other articles. all Of which he
was to get at one store. -
Having reached the entrance, he paused
in dismay at the surging mass OF femininfty
rushing through the swinging doors. He
(, wasn't at all certain that 1t would be safe
for an unprotected man to become involved
! in that riot He watched to. see if any other
men were brave enough to go in, but saw
: none, though a. few. came to the entrance,
looked about them and fled precipitately.
While Smith was considering what he should
say to Mrs Smith il he did likewise, side
eddy of the rush caught him, and before ne
knew what had happened, the advancing
bifiow had swept him past the portals and
into the dread precincts. That is how he
came to be standing and smiling sickly
smile. He stood because he didn't know
where to go and he smiled to Show to a
cold world that he was still in the ring. The
skirts swished vOluninOusly. around him.
and occasionally one of them got more or
less tangled up with him. to his great dis
tress, and the owner Thereof said to him IN
fripidly hog
dom and Withered him with a why cumber-
eth-he the-earth style Of glance that swept
him from head to foot. AS far he could
in any direction there was nothing but
women in sight. They shopped Smith
wished that he knew how they did it. He
felt that he must make some move He
made it, and the next instant he was the
apex of a flying wedge plunging iresistibly
toward a bargain counter. Smith struggled
desperately. He didn't yearn for bargains.
Already he would have been only too glad
TO give up all his money and get out with
his life. But there was no withstanding the
impelling force behind him.
He brought up against a plump lady,
whose life was saved by the strength of
her stays. she impinged upon the edge
of the counter with such force that it
cracked and began to retreat. Smith gave
found himself against the counter gazing
into the eyes of little red headed shopgirl.
The eyes seemed to be questioning him. but
his faculties had been shaken by the sud
denness of his charge, and the gasps OF the
plump lady next him who had acted as a
buffer disarranged his mental processes so
that he couldn't quite remember what he
wanted. Presently his whole list of re-
quired articles shot into his mind at once
He addressed the read-headed shopgirl
. Toothbrush silk roll o tape stockings
hairpins- hand"
which, said the girl intensely.
Smith came to himself Toothbrush.
please" he murmured
The red headed girl fixed his left ear with
stony glare and intoned recitative to
this general effect:
Third elevator up second floor three
aislest -the-right. seven to- the-left across
and down the middle swing partners four
eleven forty four siss- boomah!"
I'LL beg your pardon. said Smith.
The redheaded girl shifted her penetrating
glare to his right car and said the whole
thing backward. Smith tore hole in the
crowd and crawled though it. Several
ladies said things to him that they would
hardly have ventured to say to their own
husbands. He passed over these testimo-
mails of esteem and attained a space which
seemed TO afford a chance to rest and re-
cuperate. Hardly had he taken a free
breath when tremulous old lady trotted
up. peered into his face with near sighted
eyes. and said:
'Oh, Harold l thought I never should
find you. Why didn't you wait for me at
the door as you said you would?"
1t would undoubtedly have been the DO
i,te thing to stop and explain, but Smith
uidnt have the time. He started away the
old lady following and plaintively calling
upon him TO stop. A voice from somewhere
suggested:
He's taken that old woman's purse.
Isn't it a shame! Where's the store defec.
tiye?''
mat lent wings to Smiths feet He soon
uls'anced The prOprietress of the unknown
harold presently glad sight met his ewes
In the distance he saw a man. He struggled
toward his fellow in misfortune: II he could
nut reach him they would clasp hands and
together make. their way out into the pure
ar OF freedom again After dire hardships
ne reached the supposed man, only to find
that 1T was a Aeorwalker. Some fooPwalk-
ers arc human however and this was one
Oh them. he. appreciated Smiths position,
ana taking him in hand, explained to him
iof three minutes and half the exact To-
cation OF the toothbrush counter and that.
OF the soap counter, which was not more
than couple Of miles distant as well .as
the lost man could make out Off he went.
and hadn't got fairly out of sight of his
mentor wnen the last vestige of recollection
mad passed from his mind. He was stand
ing before the elevator without an idea
whether he ought to go UP or down. It
wasn't healthful place to- stand. Scores
OF hurrying women, urged by an apparent
eentripetal force, plunged In upon him from
all sides had battered him until he was
dizzy. tall, thin specimen of woman
Kind got sharp elbow under his chin and
directed his gaze heavenward while a fat
individual, carrying weight, hurled herself
against mis- defenseless ribs until they
creaked. When he presently got his face
down a lovely vision who was nesting,
though not with generalization, close to his
shoulder Unanswered bonnet feather into
MS eye and waggled it, causing him tenn
porary blindness during which one of the
deadly tribe of umbrella bearers made a side
swipe with her weapon and caved his hat
in.
Smith wiped the tears out of his eyes and
tucked his hat under his arm. Immediately
q severe woman marched upon him with a
military precision of step. Before Smith
coul explain that he was not her Harold,
Percy, Or Marmaduke, as the case might be,
she demanded:
Where is the embroidery COUNTER"
III sure I don't know, ma'am," replied
don KNOW said she, looking at him as
il he were a bug OF some despicable kind.