The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-07-01
HOMESPUN YARNS.

salt Lake has newspaper man who Is
just the warmest article I ever saw" ex-
claimed Major Bird. who was sitting in
the midst of group of reporters en- route
10 Scoheld last month. Il first met him in
ABOUT 81, when Jim Mack's wife killed
herself As Ill luck would have il. Jim
called on me TO take charge of the house
eo,,F save eApnclt Instructions that no one
Shoulo go on the inside. No matter what
irlends or acquaintance CALL he said.
So. -- '--ei'i
Well, got along all right until this
pencil puSher came down after the story
tolo MN positively, without making any
ooneS about IL, that nobody could get in
tnat mouse except over my dead body, but
ne INSISTED upon seing the corpse and get
ing description of the death-wound
even II would not give him the particu-
ISrs- he was so persistent that / finally
threatened TO thrash him if he didn't get
OUT. ana with one hand on the gate and
the other in a threatening attitude | WAS
renewed to see him go on up the street
aIter ne had spent half hour trying 10
learn something
Several minutes later heard voices at
the back door. 1 could tell from the tones
that someone was questioning and some
one answering, and out L went TO the
kltchen, TO ind sthis newspaper man,
paper and pencil in hand. ana Dumplne
the servant girl to beat time
/ didn't wait TO ascertain how much
information he had, but walked up with
the intention of shaping his ears. when
ne looked at me so innocently and with
Such perfect calm that | had to smile
But see here, said l, you and I will have
trouble yet l told you that Mr.. Mack
wants NOBODY IN this house and you have
got 10 stay out Now. get out of here
Away he went, apparently contented and
convinced, too, that l was in earnest.
was just congratulating myself upon
the way | handled him that afternoon
when in walked thu
III be damned if that reporter wasn't
one OF jurors
A well known clothing house here in
town has hit upon an advertising novelty
1t Is in the nature of telegraph blank
ana each one sent out purportS to be a
message from the Wireless Union" but
IN reality contains an advertisement for
the house Thereby hangs a tale
The firm sent one of these messages to
Chief DeVine. He opened il, and read, in
great 1aring letters:
WIRELESS UNION TELEGRAPH co. -
TO James Devine:
we have large stock of flannelS on
hanG: Send US your order
.'(Signed.) & CO."
Now, the chief could not imagine why
this firm should have wired him. He was
both worried and fiabbergaSted, and il
caused him great mental distress until
late into the night, when his wakefulness
brought on an inspiration. Jumping out
Senger, and in time the boy arrived.
Here" said the chief, handing back
the message, this must be some DeVine
at the hotels. l don't know anything
about it,
The boy took the ad into the office, and
the wires didn't work the rest of that
night.
One of the funniest sights ever wit
messed was an Indian running up against
an electric fan in the Coop. clothing de-
partment yesterday. Poor 10 came in TO
get pair of Overalls and he wore at the
time a broad sOmbrero that shut out the
view of anything Immediately overhead.
In this way he got right under the fan
without noticing II, but feeling the gentle
Zephyrs playing with his locks he ven
tured to ascertain the origin OF the phe-
nomenon. 10 looked up, ''rubbered.' as
the boys say, and at the first glimpse of
the rapidly revolving wing, right above
his Uranium, he let out a Wow that
was heard distinctly over in the millin-
cry department, and came down on a pile
of straw hats, paralyZed.
AS soon as he could move Lo did a hot
foot out of the store and when last seen
was nearing the Short Line depot at
pace calculated to bring on heart failure
in the coolest kind of weather, which this
is not