Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1900-06-01


Winks-I can tell poet the moment
see him. Minks--How? Winks-He
never looks like one.--New York Week
ly.
Doctor-And the twins? Are they
well? Papa-Quite well, thank you.
How do they sleep?" "In day and
night shifts"
a woman can never carry out her
resolution to snub another woman II
she meets her when she has on her
new hat.-New York Press.
Going to the Paris show?" mo. 1
compromised with my wife, and we're
going to stay at home and study
Observation-Disclosures North Ameri-
can.
"War can always be avoided" assert
ed the lecturer. The man in the back
row laughed scOrnfully. Evidently"
he said, "the speaker Is not marricd."-
Chicago Post.
Joe-Aren'e you rejoiced that out
door sports have begun again| "Out-
door sports? Oh, say-you don't mean
It's time to beat carpets again, do you?"
Chicago Record.
neutrality-suspicious. wife Is at the door.
sir, and would like to speak to you a
moment. Mr.. Sellers-Yes; Just see
what my balance at the bank Is, will
you?-Harper's Bazaar.
"Yes, madam" sighed the ash man,
II have seen better days. | was once
an ice man, but l was fired" "Ah,
See," said the lady; you were reduced
to Observation-Disclosures Record.
Marie, after we are married what
course shall you pursue to retain my
love" "Oh, Harry, shall spend an
awful lot of money on fine clothes and
look just as pretty as l can."-Chicago
Record.
Mans obiter dctum: He-There are
two periods in mans life when he
never understands a woman. She-In-
deed, and when are they? He-Before
he is married and afterward, ,-Colller's
Weekly.
Mrs. Tucker-Tommy, what makes
you so late? Tommy-Had some words
with the teacher, and, she kept me in
after school. Mrs. Tucker-You had
words with the teacher? Tommy
Yes'm. l couldn't spell 'em.-Chicago
Tribune.
''I'm glad to see the snow disappear
ng," he said. 81 suppose that you are
thinking of the horrible crossings it
makes" mo, not exactly. There are
several bad boys in our neighborhood
and they don't care who they pelt with
soakers."
Bibbs-How is 1t Jones has thrown
1p South Africa. thought he volun-
teered? Dibbs-So he did, but he al
cred his mind. Bibbs-What made him
10 that? Dibbs-He got to know that
his mother-in-law was going out as
nurse.-Pick-Me
"Thurston Tompkins says he Is In
poverty through no fault of his own"
How does he make that outW "Why,
he says he was born with expensive
tastes, but without sense enough to
earn the money to keep up with them"
indianapolis Journal.
81 didn't know you intended to move
this spring" I'VE don't "But your
wife told me she was out looking at
houses all day yesterday. "Well, that's
true enough; but don't you know there
Is vast difference between looking
at houses and looking for housesT'-
Chicago Times.
She-Oh, Harry, did you mail that
horrld, hateful letter | wrote papa? He
must have sent this 500 check the day
wrote it. He-Yes, mailed It; he's
got 1t by this time. She-Thats you'll
Whenever | give you letter to mail
thatll get me in trouble. you go right
off and mail it.-Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Ats really extraordinary
My nurse tells me that gentlemen are
always stopping her in the street to ad-
nire my little girl. Mrs. BLOW love-
y she must be! Mrs. A.-Oh, don't
know. or course | think her pretty,
because | am her mother. Mrs. B.
Oh, meant the nurse. dear.-Punch.
The Farmer-Wby don't you work2
The Tramp-D' yer t'ink everybody In
lie world is crazy? l never worked In
me life, but don't owe anyone a cent,
while s'pose you've bin workln' since
yer was able ter drive COW; an I'll
bet dey's a mortgage on yer farm dat
Keeps yer hustlin' ter pay de int'rest
)n!-Puck.
A benefactor: James," whispered
the good woman, there's burglar In
the parlor. He stumbled against the
piano in the dark. heard several of
the keys struck" "All rightw said
James, "I'll go down." "Oh, James,