The Topeka state journal., 1900-12-22
HuMOR OF THE DAY.

de lection. It's de fust time 1 ever
voted. De man he offered me two dol
lahs an I took it. MY uncle has been
froo a lot of campaigns. an he made
/ i'm glib up five. 1t jes' goes to snow
dat dar amt no chance any mo foh de
Star.
| Tess=Yes, Mr.. Ernest gave me this
| ring. I accepted him last night.
Jess-Im so glad
Tess-Are you really? He used to call
| on you, didn't hep
Jess-Yes, and I was beginning to fear
| I'd have to accept him.-Philadelphia
Press.
That young woman wants a place in
} this Office
What can she dor"
'fShe says she can make lovely choco-
| late creams and Battenberg lace. In
| dianapOliS Journal
Jackson-No, never take the news
paper home. I've got a family of grown
up daughters, you know.
F'riend-Papers too full of crime?
Jackson-No; too full of bargain
sales.-Tit-
s'What are you nosing around that
Atlantic cable for?n said the lobster to
the bluefsh.
oh said the other, nonchalantly,
merely picking up a few ocean cur
rents. Detroit Free Press.
He-You climed re Matterhorn? Eat
was a great foot
she-Great feat. you mean, count.
He-Ah Zen you climed him more
as oncei-Punch.
Mrs. Jones-Oh, doctor, is my husband
still irrational2
Dr.. Dosem-E'xtremely SO. When. I
told him your mother was coming to-
morrow he smiled.-Judge.
"That fast express train is great,
isn't it?''
yes, they say they. can get fresh
milk to town now before the cream
rises. Indianapolis Journal
There's no use." said Mr.. Cumrox, It
amt going to try to superintend the ed
ucation of my daughter any more"
why not
'They're getting along where I can't
follow 'ena. hear 'em chattering some-
times, and I can't tell whether they are
reciting their latin lesson or counting
out for a game of hide and seek
Washington Star.
Biggs Ito cabman)-What will you
charge to take me and my wife to
Blanks hotel?
Biggs-And how much for taking me
alone?
Cabman-The same-half a crown.
Biggs (to his wife)-There. my dear,
=
Tit-Bits
ct can't have lost all my good looks
said Miss Northside to her best friend.
Miss Shadyside, for I can still obtain
seat in a crowded street car
"Oh, well.' replied Miss Shadyside,
you know the men will give seats to old
age as well as to youthful beauty
Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph
This letter. said the counsel for
not written by my client and, in fact, it
is evident it was not written by a wo-
man at ALL
what proof have you of that?" asked
Simply this: There is no postscript
and the several pages run right along !
in the regular order. er."-Philadelphia
Press.
Miss Redd-Did you hear about one of
our caddies getting married?
Miss Green-No; is that so?
Miss Redd-Yes; and he requested the |
organist to play something appropriate. /
Miss Greenland did he?
Miss Redd-YeS; he played After the /
BaI1.''-Yonkers Statesman.
Higgins-was that your son I saw |
with you yesterday
Wiggins-Yes; did you think he looks |
like me?
Higgins-I thought those made-over
pants looked like the pair you used to /
wear.-Boston Transcript
The man stood in the dressmaking
shop waiting for a bundle his wife had /
told him to get.
The telephone bell rang, and the dear
young person that answered it turned to
the manager and said: 1T is Mrs Jones.
She said you didn't cut her little girls
throat right at all, ana she wants 10
know what you are going to do about it.
Indianapolis Press.
~fi
being such a brilliant man?" inquired
one voter.
by means of his convincing manner"
answered the other He got people to
that he thoroughly understood |
his own arguments, and they regarded
him as genius Washington Star.
People some times find pearls in oys-
ters, do they not?" inquired the young
girl, the waiter placed a steaming
stew before her.
Yes" replied the popular burlesque
actress, who had asked her out to lunch.
And she continued, with a flourish Of
her jeweled fingers occasionally one
gets diamond out of a lobster. Phil
Press.
Il suppose you will be glad to get
back to Washington and settle down to
business 2"
Yes" answered Senator Sorghum
little testify. Although there isn't any
use of putting it in that language. 1t
S1 I quite ike a mans gong on 'cnang5, |
you know. ashington Star.
He was a dusky cannibaI,
His color it was tan.
He ate missionary. and
The chieftain of his clan
Inscribed upon his tombstone:
He loved his fellow man.
Liquor makes men talk, doesn't it?"
aid the citizen.
Yes, and sometimes it's the means Of
hutting them up. said the policeman
Tonkers Statesman.
Mrs Goode-You are the sixth man
Who has asked me for something to eat