Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-12-18

Once, after exposing the ridiculous
blunders of the editor of certain old
plays, James Russell Lowell concluded
with the remark, "In point of fact, we
must apply to this gentleman the name
of the first King of Sparta" No one
remembered, of course, what this was,
but when they looked it up they found
it was Eudamidas.
As Horace Mann sat in his study one
evening, an insane man rushed into the
room, and, after abusing him for all
him to fight. Mr.. Mann replied: My
dear fellow, it would give me a great
pleasure toaceommodate, but can't do
it, the odds are SO unfair. am Mann
by name and man by natare-two
against one! 1t would never do to fight"
The insane man answered.: Come
ahead; am man, and man beside
myself; let us four have fight"
Prince Bismarck and Bancroft, the
historian, at one time minister to the
court Of Berlin, were one day dining
with Herr, Won der Heydt, who prided
himself on the quantity and quality of
the food which he furnished to his
guests. In those days (1S6S) Bismarck
was still'in possession of his wonderful
appetite. Bancroft, at first amazed, be-
came at last anxious on seeing his
friend twice partake largely of the first
courses. "Dear Count" he remarked
with world of anxiety In his voice,
81 believe there is more to come" 81
should hope so," replied Bismarck, joy
fully; and renewed his terrifying prac-
tice at the next course.
1t was once usual for Highland shep-
herds to take their dogs into church and
leave them outside the pews. Two
shepherds at eninity sat on opposite
sides of the aisle one Sunday, and,
soon after the sermon began, the dogs
one collie and the other not-seemed
to enter into their masters quarrel. The
shepherds egged on their dogs in un-
dertones, and soon there was real
fight in progress. Most of those in the
immediate neighborhood craned their
necks over the pews to see how the en-
counter was coming out, and not few
We're standing up. The minister's pa
tience was ultimately exhausted, and so
he called to his hearers" and said:
"Ah, weel, my britherin, see We are
more interested in the dog-fght than in
my sermon, and so I'll close the buike-
and I'll bet half crown on the collier
Capt. Hans Miron, who lost his life at
his post Of duty on the burning Saale
at Hoboken, few months ago, was
fond of telling of his early Introduction
to the stern realities Of his chosen ca
reer. He had but just come on board
the schooner where, as cabin-boy, he
was to serve his apprenticeship to the
sea, and was still staring about him
with boyish interest and inquisitiye-
ness, when the skipper approached and
ordered him to assist in washing down
the deck. He put down his bundle and
started awkward1y to do SO, when a
second order, accompanied by emphatic
expletives, was given him to take Off
his shoes and stockings. He was per-
fectly willing to oblige, but at home he
had not been permitted to wet his feet.
NO" he answered innocently, with an
engaging smile, 81 should not mind, but
my mother does not allow it." The
skipper was a rough old sea-dog, who
did not appreciate obedience unless it
was rendered to himself, and his reply
was a stunning blow that flung the boy
across the deck. "But after that, ,,
Capt. Miron1 would say, with a great
laugh and not a shadow of resentment,
81 knew who was captain Of that
schooner, and it was not my mother"