Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-12-01
WHY HE IS SO VERY TIRED.
Exploits in Pedestrianism of an Ex-
pert BiIliardist.

"It's a smart wife who falls upon the
ways of her beloved" said ]. c. Crawford,
drummer Of a New York billiard house, to
a Star reporter in one of the uptown hotels
last evening; but I will give her pointer
or two, so that when her lord and master
returns home from business so very tired.
she may call him down hard IL she knows
he is billiard player.
"The size of the average billiard table is
Az by 91a feet. though the professional size
is 5 by 10 feet. For the sake Of even num-
bers and the better to illustrate to the I'M
suspecting better half 1 will take the pro-
fessional size.
while billiard players usually play by
the hour, a game is ordinarily Of fifty
points The rapidity with which game is
finished depends upon the skill OF the play
ers. If two players complete three games
in an hour they are doing good work on an
average ana, remember, it is only the aver
age in this estimate.
I'VE will say that this particular hus-
band, in two hours play, makes $50 shots.
We all know how some men will walk two
or three times around or half around a
table before each shot. Others take In the
situation and walk only to get in position
to cue their ball. On an average we will
say that this man walks around the entire
table but once before each shot. He walks,
therefore, thirty feet at every shot He will
opponent telling him how to make his play
and lodging his cue That makes forty
five feet for every shot, or 1850 feet for his
afternoon walk around the table, or about
one and one-third miles.
In addition, he has had four cocktails,
and four more for his friend, since he lost
the games. He paid for these also, and the
s. side bet on himself. Altogether. his pc
destrianism cost tramp of one and a third
miles. 81 for drinks and $40 for the two
hours of the table, If the rate is $1.20
an hour. it is in the first-class places in
New York-total. $40.
When he reaches home he lies to his
poor little unsuspecting wife like this:
"Claude-'My darling. | am dead tired
from working like pack horse this after
noon at the office that you must let me off
for the show tonight. (Aside) If 1 hadn't
made that side bet myself I'd have had
the dough; now I'm broke for the night.
''Maude (whose pretty face is at once
drawn in lines of sympathy. and whose ac-
cents are tremulous with solictude)-
Claude, dear, your head is just hot as it
can be, You are really feverish. Poor fell
low! l will put this wet towel on your
forehead-so.'
Misunderstanding like troopers now,
Maude I've walked five miles today if Eve
you don't mind staying in when I'm not
well, do you, dear? Of she catches my
|cocktal-perfumed breath it will take more
than new nat to square myself this time)'.
"Maude-'Not a bit. you poor. ill man.
You must go right to bed-no? Not until
you have had your dinner? Are you hum
CRY? As bear? And sick, too? That's a
peculiarit of the particular kind of fever
from which you are suffering? Poor old
chap, Thirsty and hungry. All right. Now
for dinner. then for the doctor and to bed
Poor mani
And that's the way We have to talk
when we men are in a hole, and want to
crawl out and not agitate little Maude's
tender heart too much