The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1900-03-23


sometimes fail to rule
their households wisely,
A rather cynical everyday saying
has it that the second wife gets all
the pleasure and comfort while the
first wife slaves to make the family
1t may sometimes hap
pen that the second wife has an easier
time of it than her predecessor. but
the instances are rare. 1t may happen.
perhaps, when the children have
grown up and gone away to kOmes Of
their own. But when the children are
young or half-grOwn, and have had Il
weak or foolishly indulgent mother,
the difficulties are serious. The wonder
is that any mother ever consents to
be a step-mother at all. Love must
surely be blindfolded in her case. 1t
is no light matter for woman to for
sake the freedom Of IA single life to un-
dertake the cares Of growing family
and all the self-denials and worries
incident to maternal duties. 1t is in
deed Il brave,hearted woman, whoever
she may be, who willingly puts upon
herself such yoke of obligation and
censure.
Many "a young wife and mother
makes herself miserable imagining
what would happen If she should die
and the children should have a step
mother. Very often she makes her
husband promise not to marry again,
1t Is a selfish eXactiOn and a foolish
one. Any effort to control the living
from beyond the grave, whether in
money matters by giving things con.
ditionally or by exacting promises, is
apt to bring about a dragging of tht
ties Of affection. 1t makes less happy
the memory of the dead, and it i;
always more or less Of a mistake. II
the mother could take an impersOnal
diSpasSionate view of the situation
looking at the matter only as affecting
the welfare Of the children, she would
see that almost any kind Of a step.
mother would be better than IA success
sion of incompetent paid housekeep-
ers. Under the stepmother's rule they
would have a fighting chance of be-
coming good men and women.
Dozens of cases might be cited
where the stepmother has been the
making Of a family of youngsters, but
nobody ever heard OF children cOmirg
to anything but grief under the rule
of "a housekeeper. If the situation of
a widow left with a household of chill
dren to care for is pathetic, that of a
wid0wer in the same situation is little
better, unless, indeed, there is a will
ing grandmother or aunt in the back
ground.
Much of the success or failure of the
stepm0ther with her stepchldren de-
pends upon the attitude of the chill
dren toward her. | meddling rela.
tions flll them with the idea that she
is a usurper In their mothers place,
only the most remarkable tact and lov-
able qualities will make them mutu-
ally helpful. TOO often the antago-
nism begins before any attempt has
been made to make the best OF the
situation, and in such cases it usually
begins with the children. They resent
the idea Of a stepmother, and they
dislike her for no other reason than
because she is in that position. They
persuade themselves that she has no
right in the family, and consequently
no right to expect obedience or res
pectful consideration from them. The
very words and actions that would be
accepted as marks of thoughtful atten-
tion aud parental wisdom from a
mother are construed into a tyrannical
and vicious assumption Of authority
when coming from a stepm0ther. 1t
is not possible, of course, for grown or
half-grown children to feel the same
affection for their fathers second wife
that they did for their own mother,
but it is possible for them to be reason
able and just, and to keep their preju'
dices under subjection until she had
an opportunity Of proving herself
worthy Of their respect. That theil
father has seen qualities in this woman
worthy to make her his wife should
influence them to respect her.
With little children perhaps the
difficulties are not so great as with
those of older growth. Where both
have been brought up with sense oil
their responsibilities less friction Is
likely to be experienced. 1t Is 10 the
circles where amiablty and gentle-
ness and care for others feelings are
not n matter OF course that most fam
| ily rows occur
A stepmother is seldom given the
bcneflt OF the doubt that her attitude
toward her husbands children bodies
anything but evil. 1t Is natural for q
womans heart to 60 out to those loved
by the man she loves, but the step
motvUer Is MOTTO be credited with the
ordinary human incllnations toward
afYcctionateness. She Is condemned
byher children before she has had q
chance to show her attitude OF good.
will. Gould there be taken q better
course to produce ill.will than just
- l. - H. = II