The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-11-11
New York SUM


often come face to face with the stage
jokes of their boyhood, the stereotyped
conundrum from the patent medicine
mans almanac or the stories they
heard in the corner grocery days they
find much that is new and really Wit
tv. Most of the funny sayings look
fiat in print, but the ridiculous man
ner in which they are uttered and the
horseplay which accompanies most OF
them serve to carry them off with
more or less success. The Following Is
so popular just now that it IS being
told in half a dozen New York thea-
tres nightly and has Deen IN use AOT
six months:
First Considerably sister has great
luck. She was down to Asbury Park
this summer and got SlOO pearl out
of an oyster
Second Comedian-That' nothing,
NY sister got a diamond necklace this
summer out of a lobster at Narragan-
Sett Pier.
Mason and Francis, a sketch team
who played at PrOctor's TWenty-thlrd
street theatre, opened the programme
with a sketch in which the stage set
ting showed the exterior of a country
ann. The man of the team appears as
a farmer. The woman appears as the
waitress. After a little by play the
farmer announces that he would Ike
some dinner Many of the dishes ne
orders are not on the bill af fare. Fin
ally he says he would like to have
some hard boiled potatoes.
I'VE haven't any" replies the girl.
we didn't expect you
We'll, then" says he, give me a
couple of loose eggs"
Haven't any" is again the answer
I'VE didn't expect you
We'll" asks the farmer, didn't the
hens expect me either? and she an
swers:
NO, if they had, they would have
been laying for you"
You're a wonder"
You ought to see my sister"
Where is shc?"
Doing a skirt dance in Aladdin "
You ought to see my sister She's
doing a shirt dance in a laundry.
Walter Terry and Nellie Elmer,
song and dance team. who appear later
on, discuss matrimony. The girl final
ly says:
What kind of a husband do you ad-
wise me to get?" He replies;
Get a single man, and let husbands
alone"
Two men billed as smith and Camp
bell, talking comedians" amuse the au-
dience with this sort of patteT:
I'm going to buy my Uncle Tom
candy horse"
We'll, if he don't like it he can lick
| it
Don't spring anything like that on
me. Did you hear about my friend?'
] No"
He's a corker."
rs that sou
Yes, he's got a job in a bottling
| works.
! you?"
! ITS a good fit"
Go on, it's almost a cOnvulsion.'
i met your wife yesterday
Did you notice her teeth?"
] No. she didn't open her mouth
/ That couldn't have been my Wife
L understand you beat her like car
pet"
/ That's the only way I get the dust
I out Of her"
Say do you know l started in life
J as a barefOOted bOy?"
well. I'll tel you right here 1 WASH
| born with shoes on
We'll I'm well fixed now. I got a
1 job helping my father. He's the super
| intendent of a factory and has a thOus-
/ and men under him
That's nothing; my father had 5000
! men under him."
rs that 500"
Yes, when he went up in the balloon
! in Chicago
J We'll, my father was a soldier. He
! was the first man to enlist in the One
! Hundred and Twenty Ipswich reg
/ iment''
There's no such regiment. Don't
tell that to any one who knows any
thing"
7 never do"
/ At Miners Bowery theatre a team
! announced as Campbell and CauIfield.
! Kings Of Irish Comedy" joke about the
! mOther-in-law, the father-in-law and
/ other members of the family They
/ even go back to their grandparents.
/ Here is a sample:
/ CampbeIl-My grandfather was so
! smart ne knew he was going to die ten
/ days before he died.
! CanfieId-Who told him; the sheriff
/ CampbeIl-And when my grandmoth-
/ er died she had $3.50 worth of gold in
I her teeth
Caulfeld-Thats an awful lot of
| money going to the devil.
/ Campbell-WeIl, we won't talk about
; cur dead relatives: but did you hear
about me the other night2 I met a
! DutChman who offered to make q bet
! with me that he could sing longer than
! could. 1 took up the bet and / sans
Annie Laurie" for two hours and a
/ half.
Caulfield-Did you win?
Campbell-No; he sang The Stars
and Stripes Forever
Later on in the show Coulter and
! Starr, negro comedians, get into an ar
gument and Coulter says:
Il saw a deaf and dumb man rur
over this morning. and he was knocked
! speechIess.'
/ Starr-Ah. go on. How could that be
Coulter-It's a fact; one of his hands
was cut off.
StaTr-Well, it's strange how people
| viii get in the way of able cars ana
be killed so young My father lived tC
| be an old man. He died at the age OF
Sc.
! COulter-Mine died at 1856
] Starr-GO on.
Coulter-Yes. at 1876 Eighth avenue.
At the Broadway Music hall De Wolf
Hopper and Lillian Russell chan each
other for the amusement Of the audi
ence- For instance:
Hopper-Say. Lillian. Just Think OF
US down here at Weber & Fields Why
did you leave comic opera?
Miss Russell-I'n tell you some day
some rainy day.
AS they leave the stage Weber anf
Fields come on. in a small wagon
which is referred to as moving side;
/ walk
Fields-I don't like dose moving side.
walks. You are liable to pass yourself
mitout knowing it.
Weber-Never mind: are you GLAD
you came to Paris to spend your vac
| cination?
Fields-Mebbe. What did dot fellow