Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-05-30

$50 the elopement on the automo-
bile was nipped in the bud!" Yes;
the old man hid the gasoline cam
Syracuse Herald.
Come; what does your mother put the
rold meat and vegetables and things IN!
Willie Starvem (brightening)-Hash!-
Philadelphia Press.
Infant-Papa, what does decollete
mean? Papa--It's French word, my
boy, and means-oh, practically moth
ing.-Town Topics.
Teacher-Willle, can you tell us
what this spells: .R-e-f-r-i-g-e-r-a-
t-o-r?' Willie sfarvem (the landlady's
son)-Um-m. Why, er--er-- Teacher
O'Flaherty--Is your son working
now, Pat? Pat-Shure, an he's got
Job in powder mill with good pros
pets NV gittin' a rise. -Norristown Her
aid.
Slle--I wonder why artists are al
ways so careful to sign their pictures?
He-Possibly SOS the public can tell
the top from the bottom.-Collters
Weekly.
Mr.. d. Cononiy-What do you mean
by buying all these things? Mrs. p.
Conomy-Don't get excited, dear.
didn't buy them; had them charged
Philadelphia Record.
Logan-Your wife isn't holding as
l1many pink teas as she used to. Ritten-
house-No. She's got n little pink
tease now that takes all her time to
hold. -Philadelphia Press.
Customer-Give me ten cents worth
of paregoric, please. Druggist-Yes,
sir. Customer Observation-Disclosures
much is 1t? Druggist-A quarter
Boston Christian Register.
Tutor-You know, of course, that in
Christian countries such as ours a man
is only allowed one wife. Now, what
is that state of things called? Pupil
know. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.
Regrets: Commissionaire-Wo you
Hike four-wheeler or 'ansom, sir?
Cornwall party dndistinctly) = Yer
mush oblige-but-reely don't think I
could take my more!-Punch.
Praise in disguise: Criticus-Those
last epigrams Of yours were all stolen,
old boy. Cynicus (grasping his handl-
Oh, thank you! didn't dream they
We're as good as that!-Judge.
This is the seventh time you've been
before me-" said the magistrate.
YES" replied the culprit; sits strange
how some men hold on to Office. -
Philadelphia North American.
| Foster-Do all your employees drop
their tools the instant that the whistle
blows? Ployer-Oh. not all Of them.
The more orderly ones have their tools
put away before that time.-Harper's
Bazaar.
A condition, not theory: Politicus-
The question is, what shall we do with
our new possessions? Younghub-l'll
tell you what do with mine; walk
the floor nights with it.-Collier's
Weekly.
"Airs. Strongmind is warm adyo-
cate of women's rights, is she not?"
/ Ouy YES IL BIC udN uCI way Wau
would not be eligible for anything more
Important than the vice presidency.
Brooklyn Life.
| Second nature: She-Why does that
piano sound firsn loud and then soft
when Miss Wilson plays 1t? He-Well,
you see, she Is learning to ride bike,
and uses both pedals from force Of
habit.-Tit- Bits.
Hoax Those two fellows should
make fine soldiers. They are always
fighting tooth and nail. Joax-They
don't look 1t. Hoax-Nevertheless, one
Is a dentist and the other chiropodlst.
Philadelphia Record.
An Education: Mickey-What yer
doin'. mudder? I.ookin' at de adver-
toisements? Mrs. Mulcahy-Yis; IL It
wasn't for roidin' in the kyars Cd
niver know there was half as many
things to ate an drink. Puck.
Little Albert (studying his Sunday
school lesson)-Papa, what does It
mean where 1t says, "And they rent
their garments!" Papa lover the Sun
day paper)-Must have been theatrical
costumers, guess.-New York Press.
II suppose you see some funny things
about here?" said the visitor to Mag
ara. Indeed, we do" replied the
guide; "why, only yesterday there was
a Kentucky colonel here, and as soon
as lie saw the rapids he wanted to
shoot 'em.".-Yonkers Statesman.
Publisher-There is one bad break in
your novel. You tell of a tremendous
snowstorm that your hero encountered
In the tropics. AS matter Of fact,
they never have any snow there. Writ.
er-Yes; that Is the reason made SO
much of the circumstance, don't you
see?-Boston Transcript.
Coldn't lose her: He describing his
4 journeyings)-Then, leaving Gibraltar,
made my way to Australia, and from
there l went to the diamond mines in
South Africa, where made my for
tune. Then-do you fellow me, Miss
Crynkle? She with vivid blush) To
the worlds end, Mr.. Rocksworthy.-
Chicago Tribune.
Meanderlng Mike heaved a deep sigh.
whats de matter" asked his COM
!, panion. II We're jes' tinkln' about bad
roads an de wonders o science" was
the answer; "dis earth is spinnin' roun'
/. Eastern a railway train behind time."'
"Well, we amt fell off yit." mo; but
t'ink O. what convenience 1t 'ud be II
we could have some place to grab onto
while de territory slid under our feet
until de place we wanted to go to come
Observation-Disclosures Star.
4 A Great Glacier.