Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1900-02-03
THE MUsTAcHELEss MAN


In lighting the short stub of cigar the
West End nan, with the huge, flowing
mustache, absentrmindedly burnt away
about half an inch Of one end Of that hir-
suite adornment. He studied the effect in
the glass.
TT makes. my dial look lopsided," he
mused 'Tt gives lime the appearance OF
having a list to starboard. 1t looks like
nothing doing on the port side of my map,
I stand in danger 81 careening to the right
in the first sauall that strikes me. II get
that right side trimmed to match the left
side, the whole outfitn look stubby and
bristly. a la New York cop. Wherefore. I'll
have the whole burned thing shaved of.
and II I make a hit among my friends and
relatives that way, I'll keep 1t OF alto
gether. I'm good-looking enough any,
how, to go without mustache. Anyhow.
l understand it's the distangy kink to go
mustacheless nowadays"
The man had worn a mustache for twenty
years-ever since that remote day when his
father had given him a night key. That
mad made him so proud and exultant that
lip. and he'd worn the mustache ever since.
His wife had never seen him without q
mustache.
The man chuckled inwardly as he told his
barber to take off the mustache.
Iheres an extradition treaty now with
iarly. .
"Oh, I'm not fixing to elope with my
nrms roll. replied the man. I'm just
curious to ascertain what brand of manly
beauty l possess without this breeze-in-
viter that's ALL
When the operation was over, and the
man rose UP In the BARRIERS chair. he
studied himself in the glass obviously, jog
glng his head from side to side.
w nat do you think of u?' inquired the
barber
Il think I'll camp here until after dark"
replied the man.
But this was impracticable. So he went
forth.
friend he met
His friend gazed at him out of the tail of
MS eye IN passing.
"Ha, ha! don't recognize me- hay?" said
the man, with forced glee.
His friend wheeled and examined him
carefully. Then he put his hands to his
sides and shrieked with Laughter.
What the dickens is the matter with
you. anyhow, you idiot?' inquired the mus
tacheless man, a trifle miffed.
gasps: Nothing at all-except that if
had that face I'd black up
How are YOU, Tom?' said the barbered
man to the next friend he met
Friend No. looked al him coldly
said.
The mustacheless man. laughed hollow,
doubtful laugh. His friend recognized the
laugh. and Immediately executed a realistic
imitation of man just hit by a Krag bull
let: Then he fell up against an awning pole
Walk backward, old man, and maybe
you won't be pinched this time he said,
When he had recovered himself somewhat
You can slio out into the country after
dark, and keep out of sight of the authors
ties until it grows again.
Friend No 3 suggested that he have his
face trimmed
Friend No. asked who had broad-axed
him in the talker
Friend No. informed him that he was
dead ringer for Soak McGuffey, the
noted second-story man and all-around
boarding house sneak.
Friend No. 6 said he reminded him of
Charles Bigelow, the comedian.
Friend No. asked what had bent his
countenance
IF had 'rnush on me like that I'd ask
for receiver and go into voluntary liqui-
dation.' said Friend No. 8.
Why don't you get a drop-shutter for
that asked Friend No. 8.
Massage Is, good for ingrowing face, I
understand. suggested Friend No 10.
Say, you'd make nit in vaudeville with
that" said Friend No. IL
Every man; his own Mammoth Cave"
said Friend No. H.
The shades of evening found the mus
tacheless man leaning up against tree
box in the nefghborhood of his home, Won
dering whether he'd better go in or not
He Tipped a coin. III
L
up vag," he muttered
Heads wont, His wife opened the door
when he purpesely rang the bell instead OF
using his latch key. He stepped forward
to bestow the usual salute. His wife
screamed for the servant.
How dare your she cried, retreating
down the hall. My husband is right up
stairs, and
We'll, what do you think of me?" asked
the mustacheless man. trying dismally to
be jaunty.
She recognized the voice. She regarded
him with astonishment, n-mouthed
Then her face puekered, and she raised her
handkerchief to her eyes.
Does it look so bad, honest?' he asked
her when her first torrent of grief was
spent.
'Bad?" she replied. between sobs. .Will-
lam. you look sacreligious.'
Then he wandered mournfuly upstairs to
see his infant in its cradle. The baby was
studying the ceiling with wideopen ewes
when he bent over 1t. When the baby saw
the face it let out one terrific whoop and
turned over on its side. bawling.
Its plain to be seen that I've made a hit
all around, all right" groaned the mus
tached man. walking down the basement
steps to the dining ROOM He looked into
the kitchen on the old black cook She
picked up butcher knife as soon as she
caught sight OF him.
Look uh-heah, yo man, whut yo' all uh-
black cook. making for him with the knife,
and the mustachless man got I'D the base
ment steps four at clip.
Il guess I'll take my month off now"
said the man to his wife that night. "I'll
go away tomorrow. I'd rather Spend NV
leave during the cold weather than during
the summer, anyhow"
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