Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1900-01-05
ABOUT GIRLS.

GlltlIS.
An expert has been taking antlro-
pOmetric measurements of eastern and
western girls and has just announced
to the world the anthropometric differ
ences between the two classes. We
don't pretend to he especially gifted in
the science of anthropometry and for
the life Of us we couldn't say whether
it comes with a grand piano or a sub
scription to some great family journal,
but we are Il little long on information
with regard to western girls and if
the noted anthropometry experts will
communicate with us with Il stamped
envelope we will communicate a little
knowledge that will open the eyes of
the world along practical lines. We
excerpt the following from the rumin-
atiOnS of the scientific gentlemen who
have been comparing the two styles of
girls for the benefit OF humanity:
The Wellesley girl has a smaller
chest girth, while the Nebraska girl
is much deeper-chested and particu-
larly stronger i'll lung capacity. In
height the Wellesley girl leads these
two types OF wOmanllood. The We'll
lesley head is much larger. She is flat
headed. One might divide heads into
two types, the cutter and the schooner
builds. The eastern girl has the II
ter build head, the anteropostero diam
cter being long, while the western girl
is schOOncr-built, the lateral diameter
being longer. l think this difference
can he attributed to the prcdominance
of teutonic blood in the west"
SO when you see Il girl with a deep
chest and a schooner rugged head you
may know she is a western girl and
that she is Il peach. Wonderful are
the qualifications of science! That
we have lived all these years and failed
to know that the western girl has a
head with a short anteroposterO diam
eter! Horrible! But the western
| girls are not tlat-headed and there is a
world of consolation in that knowledge.
imagine eating ice cream or sailed wal
nuts with tlat-headel Wellesley girl
with Il long anterOposterO diameter!
We glow with pride for the western
girl. 1t is the bracing air and count
less hours of exercise in calling home
the cows that has given her a deep
chest and a lung capacity like a bal
loon! She is no dolce far niente Great
use, the western girl, who Tolls about
in a robe de negligce and reads the
society columns OF the newspapers I'M
til she gets Il fiat head and 4 long an
t]eropOstero diameter, like her unfor-
tunate eastern sister. She is no goSs-
amer like creature who is hanging onto
life like the reluctant bloom on q
peach in a basket with red fuZz over it.
She is Il real flesh and blood fairy who
gets up in the morning and milks the
COWS and cooks Il breakfast that woulC
drive her eastern sister into acute dys.
pepsia and she eats it too. She am:
bles through the corn fields during th'
day shooting off the miscellaneous bug!
and parasites and she does enough t,
i ! I'LL q IL 1ANS a. ouAADNL = ttl y
, She churns in the dairy and toys witt
the dashboard, and at night she file
) around and dons her party gown an
I dances all the wax off a 14X14 floor III
, til i Il. H., and goes home wishing til
: night a longer. She slams the I'LL
ruly COW up against the barn door I'LL
l til the tactical animal thinks she Ia
been struck with an avalanche c
, grindstones and she makes the oil
Q pump slip an eccentric when sh
pumps water for the stock in til
evening. She may be schooner-rigge
, and her head may have a short anter(
n postero diameter but she is a peacl
f and we will wager all the potatoes o
Il forty acre lot in Il wet season til:
she can dance all the antllropometr'
t experts in the catalogue into Il col
: dition of i%nnocuous desuetude withol
taking a long breath.