davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
Stuck to the Prescription.

Doctor-Good gracious, man, what
are you doing in that water butt? Are
you trying to kill yourself?
Mike O'Rooney -Shure, doctkerJ
dear, an wasn't it in wather >ye tould
me wuz to take the pills?-A11V
Sloper.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
Artist Forgot That.

This is snap shot of ar expresS
train going at the rate of sixty-flve
miles an hour"
It's remarkably lifelike. But why
does the smoke rise straight up from'
the engine, instead Of extending back
over the train in long line?"
"Well-er-the picture was TAKEN
Sc quick it hadn't time to do that, you
know"
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
A Thoughtful Husband.

"You asked me to bring you some
pin money this morning.. said the
young husband. q z.4 ill.,. = .ag..:...>
Yes" she replied. with an air Of ex-
pectancy. ~ Il ? / e 49, 80
"Well,' said he, II thought might
as we'll save you a trip downtown, so
I brought you a paper of pins in
stead
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
One Mans Theory

Giles Statistics show that fewer
men fill drunkards graves than in
former years. Nj les hat the
cause world growing better Giles
No; guess cremation has something
to do with it.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
sMhxt Furnish Proofs. /

Irate Wayfarer Ito polio eman) Of
fcer, that brute on the corner has been.
very offensive, He. Just called me q
I liar and. a sneak and a cad. Officer.
(wearily Well, cant help that, sir
less yo,1 have abso lute proof that
i you are not.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
A Hero.

From the Indianapolis Journa1:l
Wasn't it brave of Chollie to rescue
creek?"
Brave? The water wasn't more
than four feet deep anywhere, and
Chollie knew it,
'Yes, but that was deep enough to
utterly ruin the crease in his trousers
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
Her Little Joke.

Chicago News: ''Your fathers
eane,' groaned the lover, 'came down
on me with such rapidity that I
thought cyclone had struck me-
We'll, it was HURRICANE" ventured
the sweet girl.
And yet they say girls have no sense
of hunlor.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
The Cheerful Idiot.

From the Indianapolis Journal: Il
see some fellow is going into the rab-
bit rearing business said the boarder
who got the morning paper first.
Seems to me that raising rabbits
would be something of hare-liftin8
nature" said the Cheerful Idiot. =y
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
All lovers.

IN From ON Town Topics: will you shoa,
lis 1loSqu arter,sir?' pleaded the captain
of the captured merchantman.
l' Sorry epliedi Capt Kidd, ssbut our.
qua itermaster is on his vacation at.
ngeS sen t.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
Choice BetWeen Evi1s

why did you let Smith talk to you
4 all the way downtown about his
sbaby?,'
81 was afraid that If changed the
subject he would get started On base
ball Z. SIS &. l5
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14

Nov, young Teller, wy will ron
cry? Do try to remember your name.
It can't be SO long ago since you wo7
schristened. From Scraps.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1900-04-14
z-.z.s In-Grown Appreciation.
Miss Jimp must have a lot OF SELF

esteem" - = Z s z55ess i# IS #tE6ss 4s9g
IN 'tWhy % "A y ss IL ~ 81. sz jSs z
& '.she dresses so carefully, and ret
she says she doesn't yalueithe admira.
<tion Of Others = .8s ssE5
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
Obeyed the Orders.

New York Evening Sun: The story
OF the green servant girl who boiled a
watermelon IL more than riyaled by
the story OF the experienced girl. who
boiled the plum pudding. She was the
sort OF young person who more than
anticipated any directions with the as
surance Of her knowledge on the sub
ject, so that the mi OF the house
hold gave her but M important hint
about the Christmas pudding. BE
careful not to let 1t boil down" she
said; put plenty of water In the ket-
tie, and keep putting more in as it
boils out" 'Yes'm,' was the response.
There was no doubt but that she
obeyed that injunction to the very let
ter. She had put in plenty of water
and she had added more from time to
time. But another little item she had
neglected-she had not put the pud-
ding into a bag.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
Earth u Pyramid In shane.

Since the earth was first formed
many theories have been advanced as
to its shape and the process of its
formation, but no one until our day
eve maintained that its form was that
of a huge pyramid. Centuries ago Py-
thagoras and Aristotle declared that 1t
was spherical, AnaXimander hat it
was shaped like a column, Democritus
that it was IA concave disc and very
much resembled a huge porringer, EN-
pedocles and Anaximenes that 1t was a
plane disk, and Zenofanes that 1t had
roots like IA tree, which spread in all
directions far into the infinite. Now
J. Greene, an English scientist,
and a government official in the Sand
witch islands. with the bold announce
ment that all these ancient theories AS
we'll as the modern ones, are utterly
baseless. since, according to him. the
earth has the form Of "a triangular py-
ramid, or, in other words, of "A regular
tetrahedron, with the apex mt the south
pole and the base at the north.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09

she must be ready TO be married at
once.
He had at last entered with the ut
most zeal into MaXwcll's bold plan.
which had at first seemed out uf the
question. II was really the only way
to secure his bride and prevent any
later intrigues OF Edward. lie had
an inviolate right to claim his wife.
Happen what might in Springfield. she
belonged to him alone. The brief de-
lay which would be caused by the cero-
mOny was really not so dangerous as
1t seemed. Captain Wilson could hard
~ have reached the city, and the es-
cort would not arrive before evening.
The doctors were not expected for
several hours. and as for the servants.
MaNwel's judgment of them proved
correct.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
When Justice uaw kins did "a Favor.

Baron Brampton, when Mr.. Justice
Hawkins, was accosted at a railway
station once by "A rough fellow VINO
seemed anxious to help with the jus
tees luggage, Struck by his friendli-
ness, Sir Henry said, You seem very
DESTROYS TO assist me-" That's what |
am, sir" replied the man, you see, sir,
You once did me a good turn Yes
said the Judge. when and where,
pray" When ye Jung Crooked Billy
replied the man. Me and Billy oncet
was pals, and we fell out, and Billy
said as 'ow nex time % clapped eyes
on me ed do for me with "A knife. |
knowed Billy, and knowed ed do as
he said, and so e would II you 'adn't
Jung him In time. So | like To do you
ii good turn, too, Sir Enry."
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
HALFWAY House OF Zig Birds.

Near st. Charles, Mo-, Is "a great
sandbar, called Pelican bend, which
projects into the Missouri river. and
for some unknown reason 1t is a favor
lite stopping place for the numerous
hocks of pelicans that migrate north
and south every year. 1t has been no
ticed that regularly each fall on Sept.
4 they begin to arrive. They remain
till cold weather and then pass on
south. In the spring they return to
the bend. remain IA short time, and
then proceed north. II may be that in
the shadows around this sandbar are
quantities of fish of which the awk-
ward birds are fond, for they live al
most entirely on fish. A pelican loves
nothing better than to wade In shall
low water. where schools OF minnows
and small fish are gathered. and 20
scoop them up in It's great elastic
pouch that hangs under its lower bill.
These big-bodied and short-legged
birds are clumsy enough on land, hut
they have enormous webbed feet. and
widespreading wings. SO in water or
air they move rapidly, and they seem
never to tire of swimming or flying.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
TO KNOW DEADLY SNAKES.
signs by which Their Character May
BC Recognized,

10 distinguish between vonomous
aud harmless snakes is easy In pr1c-
ticc. bat 1t Is difficult to explain N
words alone. as there is no n eN-
torual characteristic which distin-
guishes them. 1t is rather "A peculiar
varying union of many separate marks
that brands the dangerous reptile
Generally speaking. all snakes may be
divided into two great classrs-those
which have the head covered with nu-
merOus small scales and those which
have II covered with large. regularly
fitted plates. Leaving out the elipidac
and the poisonous sea of snakes, with
which the hunter will have nothing To
do. all snakes with small head scales
move about 10y night, and those with
large plates ON the head by day. This
may he known 10y their eyes, for the
first have vertical pupils like the cats,
while those Of the latter are generally
circular in form The long, active
day snakes. gliding about from bush
To- bush. or hurriCdly taking refuge be
meath some protruding rock or tree
| NlllllHs IL Itl Ill'NNs ENfll NilOlll Nv
lie coilcd in the sunshine. he will fee
from approaching danger. But n scr
pent nicely coilcd in some secluded
nook. which instead Of fleeing gathers
himself closer together, Us most prob
ably dangerous. particularly IL he be
more or less marked with a suggestion
of irregular cross bars or whitish or
dirty yellow and darker brown or
blackish. This is the characteristic
colOrinG of or dangerous snakes. the
RATHER, the cOppcrhcad and the moe
casin. The following points embrace
all the pcculiaritics of our American
NipCrs. and the last two are especially
noteworthy rs the browning proofs of
venom: /. Moving about at dusk or by
night. generally on the ground, and
very rarely ascending trees or bushes,
>. seldom flying in alarm, hut rather
coiling for defense. 3 Colors gcncr-
ally subducd in tint. with a semblancc
of irregular crossbarS Of lighter and
darker shades. 4. Tail short. body
stout. neck thin, head Hat and very
broad. especially behind. 3. Scales
keelcd-i. @, each scale has n ridge
down the middle. which gives the Skin
u rough appearance like a rasp. 6
Head covered with small scales, some
times larger over the eyes or nose. I
Eyes with vertical pupils like n eats
s. Two pits or holes between the eye
and nose. suggesting four nostrils. :
Two long. curved, perforated fangs Il
the upper Jaw just in front of the eye
T one on either side. and so hinged tina
, they lie backward, hidden from view !
"A membranous sheath, but erectil
at will. Some OF the first seven pecr
liarities may be found in Harmless
4 snakes. but it Is only in the viper tina
1 they are united.-Outing.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09

'"The amc are stiIl missing. Please
insert them. MIR. William Roland
Miss Florence Harrison, There, now
We a begin
The magistrate had so far recovered
that he could commence the cere-
mony. which was performed very
quickly. but in strict legal form. The
usual questions were asked and an
swcred. the signatures were affixed,
and in less than ten minutes the we'd
ding was over. William. deeply NOV
ed. claspcd his young wife to his
heart.
Maxwell glanced toward the door,
where Ralph had appeared during the
last moment, but remained standing
motionlCss in order not to interrupt
the ceremony. The doctor exchanged
n few words with him in Il low tone,
then turned to the young couple.
Mrs. Roland. please go To your
father. William. you car accompany
your wife. There is no fear that your
presence will disturb the sick man
don't leave her atone now
\ significant glance emphasized the
words. William understood that the
last moments OF Mr.. Harrison's life
were at hand. and putting his arm
| around his wife he led her to he,
dying father.
Cro he C%ontinued)
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09

proceeded to exchange the courtesies
already mentioned with his esteemed
friend, Mr.. Thompson.
Florence was sitting on a sofa, with
William standing beside her-both in
the greatest agitation and excitement
when the gentlemen entered. Doe
tor Maxwell, however, was calmness
itself, when he made the necessary in
Productions.
Lieutenant ~Roland-the bridegroom
you already know the bride, Miss
Harrison. William, ! have the pleas
ure of presenting to you the justice
of the peace, Mr.. Thompson, who, with
the utmost readiness to oblige, in
stantly consented to crafty your
wish"
William looked at the magistrate,
whose pale face and shaking knees
distinctly showed how he had been
induced to show this Wanted oblig-
ingness. The affair, which afforded
his friend a malicious satisfaction, was
extremely painful to him.
Calm yourself, SIR he said, APP
preaching him. You are perfectly
safe. Neither you nor your compan-
ion needs fear. | deeply regret that
We We're forced to put the request I'm
such a form, but the circumstance
compelled it. AS soon as the wedding
is over, You can return to the city"
The old gentleman again breathed
freely. He had imagined the lieuten-
ant a far more terrible parsonage than
the doctor, and now he proved to be
the more humane Of the two. But Mr..
Thompson preferred to place himself
close to Miss Harrison as quickly as
possible. II he stood close by her
side, no one could fire at him.
Meanwhile, Maxwell had given the
marriage contract, which had been
handed to him, n brief, yet thorough
scrutiny, and now again laid it on
the table.
Everything Is correct" he said
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
CHAPTER N.-CContinucdl

q - 'NOlNlhN' va
IL hope, sir, that you are not ven
turing upon a jest with me. the jus
tice of the peace, How does it hap
pen that you have anything to do with
such matters? who is this Roland.
and what does Mr.. Harrison say to
the AFFAIR.""
Nothing at all. because for the
moment he is in "A very uncomforta-
BILE situation. which prevents any pro-
test. But, as to my authority. allow
me to show 1t to you"
The barrel of a revolver was sud
denly presented to the old gentleman.
who, with "A cry of terror. fled to the
recess of the window, leaving both
dignity and dinner in the lurCh. The
clerk, on the contrary, who had lis
tened with mouth wide open. sat as IL
p~aralyzed with terror.
Help! Murder Robbers" shouted
Mr.. Thompson; but terror 50 stitlcd
him that the cry sounded Il pitcous
whimper.
Don't scream, sir said Maxwell.
quietly. 1--WE can come to a friendly
agreement. AS | said. the point in
question is merely a wedding. The
bridegroom is my friend. Lieutenant
William Roland. ! have the pleasure
Of presenting myself to you as Doc
tor John Maxwell, both of the Union
army, which will arrive here in a few
hours"
The whole Union army eXclaim-
cd Thompson, with Il fresh outburst OF
horror.
NO; not the whole ~army-there
would scarcely be room for it on the
plantation-but our regiment. | told
you during our drive that the troops
were marching in this direction. But
We desire, for certain reasons, to have
the ceremony performed first. The
bride and groom are ready, and | hope
you will be, too. | place myself al
your disposal as a witness. your clerk
will be the second witness. and ! sup.
pose you brought the marriage con.
tract with you. We can use it al
once"
Unprecedented , Impossible =
groaned the justice, who now came
forward again. His clerk had recov.
cred from his stupOr so far as to fly
from the range Of the revolver. He
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
VERDI WAS

Great artistic achievements of any
sort are seldom found with good bust
ness faculty and strong common sense
and, therefore, some of the greatest
musicians have simply starved, because
they either would not condescend, or
diu not know how to tickle the popular
fancy. The following story Of Verdi
shows that he is IA sharp man of busi'
ness as well as a musician.
Just as he was on the point of fn-
ishing I'll Trovatore," he received IA
visit from an intimate friend, who was
one of the ablcst OF musicians and
critics. Verdi allowed him to look at
the score and to run Over the chorus
on the p%ianoforte. what do you think
Of that" asked the composer. Trash,
utter trash" said the ConnOisseur.
Verdi rubbed his hands and chuckled
gleefully. Now look AT this, and this"
he continued. Rubbish, %rubDish,'
said his friend, who to his utter be-
wilderment neXt found the composer
embracing him in "a transport Of JOY.
What do you mean" asked he in
amaZement.
MY dear friend replied Verdi, II
have been composing n popular opera.
| resolved that it should please every
body except great judges and classical
lists like yourself. Had | pleased them
| should have pleased no one else.
What you say assures me of success.
In three months II TrOvatOre' will be
sung, shouted, whistlcd and played on
every barrel organ throughout the
length and breadth of Italy"
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09

too, took refuge in the n recess
where he We'd with his employer In
trembling.
May | request you to let me see
the document" asked Maxwell.
But IL contains the name OF Ed
ward Harrison" said the magistrate.
desperately.
Wen erase it and put William Ro-
land in its place"
But that won't do"
ut must do! | most courteously
beg you for it,"
A movement OF the revolver gave
this courtesy the necessary emphasis.
Mr.. Thompson tried to hide behind his
clerk, and the latter, with a trembling
hand, drew out a paper which he held
like a shield toward the oppressor.
''Space for the names has been left
ne stammered. They were TO be fill
ed in at Springfield"
Excellent, Then there is nothing
TO be erased. Calm yourself, Mr.,
Thompson. ! assure you that have
the highest regard for you, and have
told my friend SO much about you that
he, too, holds you in great esteem.
Permit me again to apologize for dis
turbing you, but there is nothing to
prevent your continuing your meal a.
soon as the ceremony is over. SO, II
you please .
The gentlemen did not look as II
they were inclined to follow. They
left the window with evident reluc-
ance, but they did leave it and, un-
der Maxwell's escort, went to the
drawing-room.
Here they found william with Flor
ence, the latter f-bewildered by the
rapidity with which events had fol
lowed each other, While waiting IN
terrible anxiety for news, her imag'
nation conjuring up the most terri
BILE possibilities, Roland suddenly
stood before her, free and unframed
and in hurried words told her thai
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
PerquisIte Of the sailors.

II has been estimated that any crack
steamer leaving New York takes with
it bouquets worth from $1,000 to sl5,-
900. In "A few hours the passengers be-
gin to feel queer and send the flowers
out OF their rooms, Then they are
sorted over and put into the ice-house
and when the vessel reaches her Eng
lish port they are sold aud the profits
divided among the men.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
on NJ

From the moment they discovered
the identity of the two strangers all
hostility was at an end. They be-
lonGed TO the ranks of the liberia
tors" Besides. they loved their young
mistress as much as they feared In
Edward the stern master. The last
few months. during which he had had
the reins of government, had shown
the whole household what was TO be
expected from the new master. Now
he had mys~teriuusly vanished. Per
haps he might even be dead. But not
Il hand stirred to seek or aid him.
Besides, practical John. who never
lost sight of any possibility. had tax
en- care to prevent danger from the
few white men who were acting as
overseers in the fields. He had sum
moned the whole establishment, and
briefly stated that the Union army was
marching in that direction; that one
regiment would arrive that evening
and hold every human being in
Springfield to a strict account. II d
hair of his head Or Lieutenant Ro-
lands was harmed. The composurc
with which he related this fairy tale
made a strong impression, and the
rapidity of all these incidents Devil
dered them. No one ventured tn raise
AN objection when Maxwell ordered
the fastest horses to be harnessed anC
the carriage brought round; but al
FASTENED to obey. while the doctor
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
One- Armed Pianist.

Philadelphia Record: A musical
genius in the shape Of a one-aTmed
piano player made his appearance
at a NOrristown musicale the other
night, and scored an instantaneous
success. Besides having IA gentle touch,
he played with great expression, and
could undoubtedly make some of the
two-armed P~aderewskies look To their
%laurels. Dreamy waltzes are his forte.
When playing marches his educated
member dashes from one end of the
piano TO the other like mad, and he
presents rather a Comical sight. Al
though he renders everything from
cakewalks to the lntermezZO from
"Cavalleria Rusticana," he doesn't
know a note Of music, bat plays every
thing by ear. This unique players
name is William Eyerly, and his boast
is that he has not been in n town
more than two days in tn last ten
years. He has an expert advance
agent, who makes IL a point to get
acquainted among the upper classes,
and always manages to have dates
ahead for the One-armcd musical Won
der,
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
Cro he Continued
How a Ho.r Sign. His Name.

From the London Mail: The Boct
may be fairly good at handling a rifle,
but he Is sadly deficient in his ability
to handle a pen. When the average
Boer has to attach his name to n docu-
ment an air OF importance pervades his
dwelling FOR several hours. The chill
uren are constantly chided. the patient
"vrouw" has Il prcOCCupicd look and
the husband himself puffs even o
vigorously than usual at his pipe.
Eventually a corner Of the table Is
cleared and carefully wiped. The fam
lily Bible Is placed in position and the
sheet of paper requiring the signature
placed upon II. An eNpcctant silence
falls upon the company. "Stilte!"
cries the wife. 'Stilte, kindctjes. papa
gaat sein mann teken." C'Hush, chill
dren. father Is about 10 sign his
name. y The family stands round open
mouthed. and all eyes gaze expectant-
ly upon the paper. With arms barred
for the fray. and with pen carefully
poised, the Boer bends to his task. The
pen Is gripped firmly between his
horny fingers. In thick, ~ungainly
scratches. and with slow and painful
motion, the pen begins to work. and
at the end of. it may be four minutes,
the deed is accomplished.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09

Mr.. Tucker-"I think | shall give up
my business. my dear. | might as well
have some good out Of my money"
Mrs. Tucker-'Oh, not yet Samuel
But when one Of us dies ! shall give up
housekeeping and see a little of the
world. brooklyn Life.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
His Fayorlte Barber.

Grymes-"Why do you always go 10
that particular barber?" Ukerdek--
"He is baldasan egg" Grymes-''What
OF that?" Ukerdek-"He cannot sd-
wise me TO use a hair ~restorer."
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
Con.Iderate of Others, FeeIIngs.

Ada-It is very beautiful, but / don't
think you should accept SC many pres
ents from him. Edith-Well, until he
offers himself, | prefer not to hurt his
feelings.-BrOoklyn Life. ,
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
Playing tho Gamc CorrectIy.

Mamma Ethel, what do you mean
by shouting in that disgraceful fash
ion? See how quiet Willie is. Ethel
OF course he's quiet; that's our
game. He's papa coming home late,
and I'm you.-Stray Stories.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09
LAZY MAN.
ISLES WHERE LABOR is UNNEC-
ESSARY

Mud where the People Grow Fat on
the Fruits THAT Nnturo HAS plenti-
fluffy Provided no Poverty aud No
Crime.
The Red Cloud chief., 1900-02-09

A loafer never allows himself to set
out Of practice.