The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-09-30
SMART SHORT STORIES.

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Dr. Johnson once met the village post
man trudging along the dusty road on a
hot summer afternoon. The postman OBJ
served that he had still mile to walk
just to deliver one newspaper MY
goodness" exclaimed the sympathetic
doctor, I'D never go all that distance
for such trife. Why don't you send it
by post?"
A schoolboy at prize examination
furnished the following biography of the
patriarch Abraham: He was the father
of Lot, and had two wives. One was call
ed Ishmale and the other Hagar. He
kept one at home and he turned the other
into the desert, where she became a pillar
of salt in the dayt and pillar of fire
by night"
When Bob" Taylor was governor of
Tennessee, he was noted for being as
tender-heafted as a woman, and the way
he pardoned out eonVicts was something
awfuk He was waited upon by a com.
mittee of the legislature, who very fiat
ly and in no uncertain way told him that
this wholesale pardoning must STOP"
'Gov'nor Bob looked at the committee.
tapped a bell, asked for his pardon clerk,
and when he came said: Make out par
dons for every man in the penitentiary.''
The clerk bowed and withdrew. Then the
governor looked at the committee, who
were staring as if they thought he war
going mad Gentlemen" he said finally.
Il am governor of Tennessee and if this
committee or any other ever again seeks
to interfere. with my constitutional right
to pardon I'll sign every one of these par
dons which the clerk is making out
Good morning
During a recent heated spell Cardinal
Gibbons, Of Baltimore, and Archbishop
Ryan, of Philadelphia, took a run down
to Atlantic City, and ON arriving made
themselves known to none, but went to
bathing house incog. Clad In the shape
less bathing suits that are furnished hap
less strangers, they soon issued forth
with bro5d-b- immed straw hat Il d tight
ly down upon the head of each. In spite
OF their shapeless costumes, however
there was something distlngue in the ap-
pearance OF the two men, and so it hap
pened that some of those In the throng
that huddied along the beach gazed at
them with mild curiosity One home
like country woman, evidently on her first
seashore visit, was especially interested
In watching the two men, who were en-
joying themselves with constantly in
creaslng gayety. At length the dignf-
tarfes heard her say critically to her hus-
band, in what she thought a safe aside
Well, the. old man. he looks kinder thin
and peaked, but the old weman--seerns to
me she's quite hearty and strong!'
~
1t once fell to the lot of Lord Morris
always, wit and now a distinguished
judge, Who had never lost the n1elffffuous
brogue of the west of ireland. to hear a
case at Coleraine, in which DAMAGES were
claimed from veterinary surgeon for
having poisoned a valuable horse. The
Issue depended upon whether a certain
number OF grains Of a particular drug
could be safely administered to the ami
mai The dlspensary doctor proved that
he had often given eight grains TO
man, from which 1t was to be Inferred
tnat Twelve Tor horse was not excess
slve Never mind yer eight grains. dac.
tiler' SAID the judge; eve all know that
soine poisons are cumulative in effect
and We may go to the edge of ruin lin
lmpuaty. But tell me this: The tvyaI1ya
sI5asins.Wouidnt they kill the divil him
Sell II ne swallowed them ?'' The dootor
was annoyed, and pompously renlied.
: ! oon Know, my lord; I never had
nm TOT patient From the bench
ZANE the answer: "Ah no, docther, va
bbon,s n lac; more. more,s the pity The old
:. Lieutenant Commander Gilmore n
MS account Of his experience a. ,,.,I ~
oner or the Filipinos in McCIlIre's NTeaa
Slne, says that he owes his life and that
OF ms companions to peculiar Incidant
WHICH occurred when they had been tal-
gu Iato the mountains by a Filipino Iieu-
&c, 1eildht, Who had been ordered by Ger
= mo To execute them. He writes. ct
nave always believed that the uertar
an refusal to obey orders ana execute
Us was due to the effect produced in he
al'lna Dy an incident which han occurra,5
q hlgnt or two earlier At one OF 49,
stops he had shown me a cr,icffr ,.,,,ye,r
ne wore hung by a ribbon aron,d Ut. III
neck, and said to me: The Aner;c., ,ils
are not Christians oh. yes r renI,a5.
al americans are Christians .Rut vo,,
, .N, wear any crucifixes.' I openea M,
JacAet and showed him my breast
cFueillx had been tattooed thera Sa,-A
ago, when / was a midshtn1t1an 1T.,
tagal ieaped to his feet with an
clanlatlon Of surprise. He instan+I,-
crossed himself. His eyes nearly startas
guy ot OF MS mead. l explained TO HIN, 49,
any one could buy cruciflx and banr.
4 around his neck, but that I baa
cured pain to have my crucifix nr;ot-as
- .Ae Hesn' and that, as he could see I,
must always be with me- There vyss
marked change in his manner toward M
after that" '"'