davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The suburban citizen., 1900-08-11

soIes, He speaks the jargOn Of the
treaty ports, known as "Pidgin En-
glish" When dinner is ready he pre-.
sents himself, with hands carefully
concealed Ia tne loose, flowing sleeves
The suburban citizen., 1900-08-11

try. THUS commerce has utterly
failed to break down the barriers be-
tween these strange people and the
outside world.
The suburban citizen., 1900-08-11

In China, twelve miles from Llor
Chek, there is a mountain OF alum
which yields 100 tons yearly.
The suburban citizen., 1900-08-11
ODDITIES FROM FlJL
Specimens OF Household Furniture From
the south Sea Islands.

How would you like to use this sort
Of rest for your head while sleeping?
1t is the kind of pillow employed in
Fill and is of this peculiar form in or
The suburban citizen., 1900-08-11

A single journal in Paris causes the
destruction Of 10000 trees a year az
material for paper
The suburban citizen., 1900-08-11
THE snRnRRAN OIrL.

THE SUBURBAN CITL-
ZEN is a permanent institu-
Soma fixture at the NationH
Capital. Thousands and thou
sands OF people can testify to
She good work ii has accom-
plished during the past five
years In the line of suburban
Improvement. It Is the only
pewspaper In the District OF
Columbia that maintains a
punching bureau, whose duty
e Is to punch up the authori-
tles and keep them awake to
phe needs Of the suburbs. On
that account IL deserves and ~
receiving substantial ancouE>
Axem ant.
The suburban citizen., 1900-08-11
/ SkRtChgs Among
! the Ehing8g.
From the Notebook of an Ameri-
can Consul.

GREAT deal has been writ
ten about the peculiarities Of
the Chinaman's character.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
ALONG THE
WHARVES
Zealandia and Shrin-
ers Got Great Send
Off Yesterday.
VESSEL DEPARTED IN RAIN STORM
THE cEYLoE FROM LAYsAN IS
LAND ALMOST LOST A
SAILOR.
The Niihar Is Being Enlarged and
VIII be Able 10 Garry More
SugAF-Harbor
Notes.
VESSEL DEPARTED IN RAIN STORM

4 gentle shower Of rain the
, Old Zealaudia pulled away
from the wharf yesterday
and headed for she open sea.
,II. There WIS an immense crowd
LUX down 70 see her of and all
that was missing to make
the departure a complete Success was the
hand. which was very conspicuous by it,
sb--rno-. To make up FOR the lack Of tn
regular ursic, Noble Bennett played sey-
erai choioe selections on his coruet and
the people on the vessel and those ashore
joined ia singing Aloha De The Fear
less accompanied the Zealandia to sea
and she had merry crowd aboard who
wanted 10 stay with the departing Shrin-
ers until the last minute. As she got into
depp water the sun. which had been part
D. bid "A under cloud. burst forth and
over Iuuchbowl a beautiful double rain
is~g appeared, seemingly just TO let tba
d.Tart ug visitors see bow beautiful
rainlo' in Honolulu is The Zealandia
was l,ht and she began to give little
czhlhi on Of what she can do in the
rolling line before she was abreast of
yaikil.. Just before the Fearless pulled
away rom the steamer of the harboc,
Noble Neal shouted that the Shriners
vr.uld 10 some high rolling before they
EDt 60 San Francisco.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
Cuts and Bruises Quickly Healed

Cuts and Bruises Quickly Healed.
For three days and nights l suffered
agony untold from an attack Of chol-
era morbus brought on by eating Gu
cumbes," says NJ. E. LowtAer, clerk
OF the district court. Centerville. Iowa.
Il thought should surely die and
tried q dozen different medicines, but
all TO no purpose. l sent for bottle
OF Chamberlain Collie. Cholera and
Diarrhoea Remedy and three doses re-
lieved me entirely. went to sleep and
did not awake for eight hours. On
awakening few hours ago felt 30
gratified that the first work I do on
going TO the Office is to write to the
manufacturers OF this remedy and offer
them my grateful thanks and say. Col
bless you and the splendid medicine
you make This remedy b for sale
by Benson. Smith & Co.. general agents,
Territory of Hawaii.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
FRENCH ARlSTOCRACy'S
PRIDE DEEPLY WOUNDED

Some of the blood regal Of France was
spilled on Hotel stress yesterday morn
ing
The crimson fluid came from the nose
of descendant Of the Neys of France
and it was all because the owner OF the
nose refused to let the man who punched
it pass on a dry part of the road.
1t seems that yesterday morning Emil
Ney was posting bills on the fence sur
rounding the excavations for the Young
building and he was taking up most of
the dry part of the sidewalk. A young
man named Fred Berger coming along
asked Ney to move so that he might pass
without going out into the street. which
was very muddy, and Berger says that
Ney paid no attention to him. He re-
quested the descendant Of the field mar
shall again to move, but the scion Of the
great house did not deign to notice Ber-
ger. On being importuned further. Ber-
ger says that Ney applied the paste
brush. which he was using, to BergeF's
face and also applied u vile epitbet to
Berger This made Berger mad and he
handed the Ney descendant a bunch Df
knuckles two or three times, which made
the nose of the recipient Of the blows
bleed. A witness Of the trouble grabbed
Berger and policeman happening
60 he near, the bill postes and his assaii-
ant were taken to the police station,
where Berger was released on furnishing
S25 bail.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
Tacoma Shipping

TACOMA. Oct. 9.-The barkentine
Amelia which went TO the quarantine
harhor dry dock last week, returned TO
the hartor this morning. She will load
oats, feed and general supplies for points
in Hawaii.
Ship \. j. Fuller. which has been ex-
pscied in Tacoma for some time. has re
ceived orders changing her loading port
and will 80 to Ladysmith for cargo Of
coal for Honolulu.
Captain gSInos Nichols. late of the ship
Governor Robie. and wife left last nigga,
for thoir home in Searsport. Me. Cap
tain Nichols VIII be sucveeded by Cap
tain Harrington.
ship Yose,gite from Honolulu has been
reported aud will arrive at Por, Camille
this afternoon to load lumber fer Aus
trelia
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
A Launch in Japan.

Perhaps We do not make as much of
the launching 81 ship from an American
ship yard as We should They DO these
things differently in Germany. where tn.
kaks.r occasionally is present at the
launching Of big merchant ship. as hi
MAS Mt the launching Of the Deutschland
Roth the emperor and member Of his
cabinet made speeches ON that occasion.
Ia lspsn. too, a launch is made an even;
of much significance rrom foreign
exchanse We have some particulars OF
she launching OF a dispatch boat near
lokohaEla. ct which the emperor and
high ofioers Of state participated. After
the esl peror lad taken his position q
speech Was read by Admiral Yamamoto
ard she operation of launching was then
commenced. The ship passed gracefully
aions the WAYS into the water and VIII
il sas aoated there Was quite s pande-
snonlam from the stea mwhLsties Of the
cram outside, snd Of hanxai teheers,
from the spectators The motion Of the
vessel drew taunt the cord securing the
ball OF paper over the bows and liberated
the imprisoned doves. besides letting fire.
great quantity Of sari~oiored ribbons
The usual luncheon followed and in the
handsomely decorated room ia which IL
ras held there were many clever speci-
mems of the ingenuity of the japanese
blEejaeket and mechanic 0ne was =
tiger in hansb6o thieket The tiger was
composed Of oaknn. with divers helmer
for bis head and ison staples Tor his
claws: while his native jungle was CON-
posed Of bamboos made out of cans. with
slips Of white wood for the leaves. A
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
Shipping Notes.

The Soeau wilI sail this morning a
2 O'Clock
The British bark Adderiy will leave fol
the Sound shi. morning early
Today the schooner BeDdix~oa <fa
haul 10 the Railroad wharf TO discharss
Six small locomotives for Ele~le. lately
arrived from the coast, are soon TO b
shipped ther~-
The tug Iroauois viii soon depart for
Kaanapsli 90 make a complete Survey
Of the hsrbor there.
Chief Engineer Dan BalIoH has left
the IValsni and his place has been taken
~ Chief George Potter.
The Carne-id Llweilyn arrived in San
Francisco October To- She made the
voyage from here in twenty-eishh days-
On acoount Of the illness of Engineer
Ben Congdon of the KeTuhou he has
been compelled to lay OF His place il
being filed By Engineer Walters.
The Sheridan is sceduled to, sail from
San Francisco Noyember 10, her repairs
and alterations having been nearly COM
pleied- She will call at this port and
Guam on her way to Manila II is es
timated that the Sheridan, when alters.
,ions are completed. will be able to carry
$40 soldiers as well as SO cabin passen-
gers.
The bark Fresno left yesterday for the
coast with short crew. Captain Peter
s.n waited as long as he could for men,
but when those ne had threatened TO
leave, be concluded that he had better
get away and so he sailed burriedly.
The Amy Turner. which left for San
Francisco. was also man short when
she sailed
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
TO be Enlarged.

Work is now going on ON the Niihau
which when completed will give her 4
much larger carrying capacity than she
now has. Her cabin. which has been
below, will be built on the upper deck
and the after part Of the vessel will he
used for sugar. This Improvement viii
moan that about l.+oo bags of sugar will
he able to be Carried in the new after
hold The James Make will soon ne
arranged in the same way.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
The Csylon Arrives.

The bark Ceylon from Laysan island
arrived early yesterday morning after Il
fasG round trip. She had but half a
cargo. as there vas no more guano ready
for shipment. Captain Spencer's son
and the sailor Of the Aloha who was left
on the island to keep him company when
tbe Aloha left there were passengers in
tie Ceyion. The vessel was moored in
the stream and will begin dischauing
rs soou as there IS a place for her
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
Lucky Sailor.

Petersen. one Of the sailors of che Cey
ION was lost overheard on the trip up
from laysan island The ship WAS pu,
about as coon as the cry went up and the
man was rescued just in time. Had he
remained In the water little longer mis-
fate would have been sealed rs he was
no sooner hauled out of the sea when
several immense sharks were seen swim
ming around the ship.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
Hawaiian navigation Co.
GASOLINE sCHooNERs.

Surprise sails from Honolulu every
ten days to Lahaina and Maizena,, Maui.
and all the kona ports of Hawaii. Al
ternating Tuesdays or Fridays) with
Jnter-Island Steamers, this gives Kons
day service
Eclipse sails from Honolulu az soon
as possible after arrival for Kauai
ports, Koloa, Eleele, Hanapepe, Malra-
we'll, Waimea and Eekaha-
The vessels carry freight and psssen-
gers and insure quick dispatch
For further information apply 10 the
agents.
NJ. W. MoCHESNEY & SONS
Queen Street : =: Honolulu
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
FIVE DEAD FROM The
DuBoNIc PLAGUE

MONTEVIDEO, Oct. 15.-The Brit
ish steamer Highland Prince, from Ant
werp August Goth. London September
here with bubonic plague aboard. Five
deaths. including the captain and first Of
fcer. occurred during the voyage.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
To SAIL TO-DAY.

Str Noean Nyman. for IRhains, H.
nokas and kukuihaele. at 8 n m.
Str Mauna Loa, Simerson Cor Labai.
na, Maalaea, at 10 a. IN
Str Upolu, Dalton, for Honoipu and
Kona. at 10 n. IN.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
DEPARTED.

Thursday. October 81
o. :. s Zealandia, Dowdall, for San
Francisco.
Sch Surprise. for Nawiliwili, koloa,
Eleele, Hanapepe. Makaweli, Waimea
and Kekaha.
Str Keauhou, Mosher, for Lieele
Str James Makee, Tullett, for Kapaa.
Am ok Fresno. Peterson. for the Sound
IN ballast.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26

We can recommend this
property as being especially
desirable and attractive to
persons seeking choice bca-
tons for homes of moderate
cost.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26

To persons Who will begin
the erection of houses within
80 days. we will make special
inducements in the matter of
transportation of building
material over our railway.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
Attractions.

Located on high ground,
excellent scenic and marine
views are to be had from all
lots. and being upon the line
of our Electric Railway, pow
er and electric lighting plants.
ready transportation and cleo
trio lighting can be secured
at very reasonable rates.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
ARRIVED.

Thursday, October p.
Am hk Ceyion, Weller, from Laysan
island.
Str Kelauea Hou McAllister, Pam
hou.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26

Water will be supplied at
the rate of $500 per year
for each lot or at less thap
city prices-from our Pacific
Heights water system.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26

ris,,ssstes dragon ~ and fezrSorse cent
peSe wsr. opn-srSrf~5 in most iazenioas
way frgss soTSe of the Straps Of the dock-
yzrd-
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
YESTERDAYS WEATHER.

Diamond Head Signal Station. Oct "a.
Ia ,. m-Weather cloudy: wind fresh /.
northeast.
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
MOVEMENTS OF STEAMERS.

Steamers due and 10 sail for the next
thirty days are as follows:
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26
Low Prices,
Good Terms.


On MONDAY, October LIST.
We will begin the sale Of
these lots upon following
prices. terms and conditions:
Prices of lots range from
$500 to $3.50 each according
TO size and location One
fourth cash at date of sale.
balance In installments and
At terms to suit purchasers
The Honolulu republican. [volume] (Honolulu, T.H.) 1900-1902, 1900-10-26

RISDON IRON AND LOCOMOTIVE
WORKS. San Francisco, Cal.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12
HE HAD SOME FUN.

But Now He's Paying For 1t. with
Lots of Interest.
An agent for several manufacturing
concerns who has an office no great
distance from Exchange alley was the
victim II cruel but eminently sue
cessful practical joke last Saturday.
He was summoned to court unexpect-
edly- in the course Of the morning, aud,
SIS he expected some callers, he left his
place open, with card on the door
stating he would be back In an hour.
AS soon as he disappeared humorist
of the neighborhood hung q placard
outside bearing the following legend:
"Wanted at once, men for the Boer
army; wages 500 month gold; pas
sage paid; inquire within"
Inside of half Oil hour the Office was
packed with crowd In which the un-
washed and tough element largely pre-.
riors paraded the hall. They were all
anxious to fight for the downtrodden
burgher at 500 per.
At that stage of events the humorist
took down the sign and substituted
the word salvation" for "Bocr' In
the first line. When the agent return
ed a little later, he was amazed and
startled at the sight of the throng and
rushed In for an explanation. He was
confronted by a similar demand. and
for five minutes or so there was roar
and tahgle of many tongues.
Then all hands poured out to consult
the sign, which had meanwhile been
replaced. What ensued is described
by an eyewitness as ''de hottest time
dat ever happened on de block"
Fortunately for the agent, the funny
gentleman who conceived the plot was
betrayed by small boy. and the en-
ragged recruits promptly scattered, look
ing for his scalp According to neigh
borhood report. he is somewhere up the
country In the top of q tall tree, wait
ing for protocol to be signed.-New
Orleans Times-Democrat
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12

monished every individual to look we'll
to the salvation of his soul. "Hypo-
critics" Mr.. Waggonef said, Should
he handled very carefully, for you
don't always find men whom you sus,
pect, fit subjects for the title. A re-
formed infidel, believe is good
power in a church"
Reference was made by Mr.. Wag-
goner to his friend, John Watson, of
Toledo, who is also converted infidel,
and who is now doing good Christian
work.
The Golden Rule Mayor, Mr.. Jones,
of Toledo, Jared badly at the hands Of
Mr.. Waggoner, who lamented that the
Mayor hadthrown open the doors of
every saloon in Toledo seven days in
the week, gave the brothels full sway,
land these gifts he makes in payment
to people who use their influence for
him politically" he concluded.
All who neard Mr.. Waggoner talk
were impressed with his earnestness.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12

passed January 10, 1900, bonds OF the
city of Akron, Ohio, will he issued aud
sold under the direction OF the Com
mittee on Finance Of the Council Of
said city, to the amount of three thou
sand dollars, In anticipation of the col
lection OF Ave special assessments to
pay portion of the cost ana expense
OF improving Campbell ST., from Co
burn st. to the Ohio canal, as provided
for In an ordinance Of said city passed
August 2S 1899.
All of said bonds will he dated March
8, 1900. and will bear interest at the
rate of Ave per cent. per annum, from
their date, payable semi.annually.
One of said bonds will be for 5000,
due In one year from its date.
One OF said bonds will be for $500,
due in two years from its date.
One of said bonds will be for 5000,
due In three years from its date.
One OF said bonds will be for 5000,
due in four years from its date.
One of said bonds will he for 5000,
due in five years from its date.
Salu DOnuS VIII De pdyhDle, DOtl
principal and interest, at the National
Park Bank of New York in New Yorl,
Ciy.
Said bonds will have interest coupons
attached.
Said bonds will be sold, under the
direction of the committee aforesaid
on Saturday, March 3, 1900, ut the
hour of 10 o'clock n. IN. mt the city
clerks office, in said city at auction tc
the highest and best bidder therefor
for cash on day of sale, but in no ease
shall said bonds be sold for less thar
their par value. The city reserves the
right to accept any or reject all bids.
BY order of the council
A CHAS. II. 1SBELL,
Jan 20 Feb 5 IL 10 &c City Clerk
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12
THE ABsENTMINDED MULE,
New Piece of Poetry That Makes
Englishmen Smile.


New Piece of Poetry That Makes
Englishmen Smile.
A bit of parody which is making Mr..
Kipling's countrymep smile is entitled
"The Absentminded Mule" by Mr.. L.
w. Crosland. Here Is a verse:
When you're walking out your o,oucesters and
your Irish fusileers,
And you feel like slapping Kruger in the mouth,
Don't forget to keep an optic on little chap
with ears,
gentleman in floor boards. Just come south.
He's an absentminded beggar. and his style Is
pretty high,
Though Of course we've got to take him as we
He is here on active service, and he's been and
done guy
And left lots Of little things behind him!
Mule OF spirit and swift hind foot and dabby,
scornful lip
Each of him doing his oountry's work, how when
he happens to faili
Never 20 nap on an army mule. cause he'll
skip. skip, skip!
He'd been trained to smell blank cartridges and
wink the other eye;
He delighted in the music Of the band,
but ne never steA Nv po"'uesss sHu Nv SAS" '
want to die
And shot and shell were more than hs could
stand.
He's an absentmindcd besssr. though he heard
his country's call,
And his regiment didn't need to send to hnd
him;
lie chucked his Job and boited. ana the Job before
US all
Is to get the men hes went and left behind
himi
Rough Job, tough Job, Job for Butler and Co.
job for fifty thousand men. that's the blooming
tp
Each Of him doing his country's work. each Of
'om having 60,
Each Of 'em ware Of the army mule what'n
skip. skip. skip!
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12
FOR SALE.

FOR SAI.E-By J. /. Bachtel insur-
ance and loans. 1SS $. Howard St,
your choice for $3.50, of two big In
vestments. business property on
paved street and S-room dwelling,
desirably located 7-room dwelling,
barn and large lots. Main ST., $1625;
S-room dwelling, :. High ST., near
Mill ST., $500; large, nicely located
lots, Rachtel ave-, near Main ST.,
$275 and $500; small number of
Miller ave. lots at low figures; No.
S23 s. Main ST., will bear investigat-
ion, $4,000.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12
Missed II Both Ways.

"You can't satisfy a woman" he said
dolefully. when l proposed to Hiss
Smith, told her she was the frs! girl
l ever loved, and she refused me on
the ground that l was unquestionably
an unconscionable liar. Then, after
my bruised heart had got into pretty
fair condition again. proposed to
Miss White and told her that, while
she was, above all, the dearest girl ir
the world to me. l felt 1t only proper
to confess that had loved eight others
at various times. And what do you
think she did"
"What?"
"She refused me on the ground that
l was an unconscionable dirt and would
make any girl wretched. You bet In
going to study the next one carefully
before l tell her anything|-Chicage
Past
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12

BARGAlNS-No. $50 West Exchange
ST.. lot 74x211 feet all kinds Of fruit,
nice shade, large house and barn,
cheap at S2500; good room house.
corner Harvard and Vassar sts., sac
rifice price, Sl250, easy terms; as
acre farm, well watered good soil, no
waste land, fair buildings, 61a miles
from Akron, for sale or trade at
S2G50; two other small farms near
city TO trade for Akron property. G.
IL, & $. u. Jones, rom 50 Central
Office building.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12
Hides.
Farm Produce.

Butter, Elgin creamery, per h, ESQ
Butter, country, per lb, Is to 1Sc
Butter, cooking, per lb, 10c
Lard, country, per 10, 7c
Lard compound 5Mc.
Lard, city, per lb. SIC
Eggs, strictly fresh, per doZ 20c
Chickens, live, per ID Ito &c
Chickens, dressed, per lb 10 to 1lo
Turkeys, dressed 12c
Ducks, dressed lie
Potatoes, per bu 30 to 40c
Navy beans, per bu, 1926
Marrowfat beans, per bu, $3.50
Maple syrup. per gal, IS TO 70c
Onions, per bu, 40c
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12

FOR SALE ON EASY TERMS
The most elegant suburban home in
Summit county; large house of 0
rooms, hard wood finish, good eel
lar, heater, good barn, six acres of
land. Street cars pass door. This
property is beyond question the fin.
est property on the market. Will
sell for less than cost of buildings.
A bargain. Thos. l.. Childs, at
torney, Walsh block.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-02-12
JlNGL-ES.
What's the GoOdf

What's the GoOdf
What's the good O. shinglin
When there amt no rain?
What's the good o pleasin folkB
When ia easier ter complaint
: What's the good O. shovelin
When the sun'll melt the snowf
What's the good ter go yourself
When some un else'li 60?
What's the good O. splittin wood
When your wife can use the axf
What's the good O. tellin truth
When rs easier stretcbin factaf
What's the good o. washin
When you're only got shirtf
What's the good o. cleanin up
When no Tin sees the dirtf
What's the good O. ridin
When cheaper tits to walkf
What's the good O. writin
When there's no charge fer talkf
What's the good O. keepin house
When you can bum a mealY
What's the good O. earnin cash
When easier it's to stealf
What's the good O. breathin
When 1t only saves your lief
Why not have a funeral
And charge 1t ter your wifef
Lewiston Journal