davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

q slipped fve-dolIar piece into his hand), 'and, in exchange, would like to have your seat and you may have mine, No. e2."
 The little mans face lighted up with pleasure. He slipped my five-dollaT piece into his waistcoat pocket, and said: Certainly, my dear sir. You are very good. I will take your seat with pleasure"
 Thus was I placed in possession of seat 4S. Now I could see the stage, but still was not revenged. My first idea was to install myself there, wearing my own high hat, but I reflected that this manifestation might not be under stood, would seem discourteous to the actors, and that would be forced to take it off. Suddenly an idea flashed across my mind-an inspiration. Ileft the theater and walked block or two until I came to milliner's shop. I entered and demanded of the saleswom- an to sell me hat-the most gigantic, the most arboriferous, the most pyra- midal hat she had. She opened a draw NA black felt, with an enormous knob of black velvet upon its top, and on top of the black felt knob puff of black flowers, extremely high. Without hag- gling, paid her the price, and swiftly returned to the theater.
 To the stupefaction of Cmythe, who was still seated in his chair, No. 90, seated myself in No. 4S, immediately before the blonde lady with the big hat, and then, with a perfectly serious coun- tenance, I placed upon my head the black velvet monument. do not know what sort of a figure I cut with my long mustaches under the velvet hat, but if bomb had burst in the orchestra it would not have produced a greater ef- feet. Exclamations came from every direction, and people climbed up on their seats to see me, amid roars of laughter.
 The men-poor wretches, they do stand together once in awhile-under- stood the motive of my protest, and cried: Bravo! Bravo! He is right" while the agitated Cmythe screamed to me across the blonde lady's balloon sleeves: "Why, old man, you are go- ing crazy" None the less, remained impassive in the midst of the tempest which I had let loose. But the usual reverse came. Two ushers, after consul tation, came to me and politely begged me to take off my hat. Certainly" said I, eff you will make thIs lady take
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

WANTED-We will pay $l2,00 d week salary tn either man ur woman to represent the Midland Monthly Magazine as subscrip- tion solicitor, The MIDLAND is the same size as McClures or the Cos mopolitan. It is now in it's sixth year and is the only Magazine of this kind published in the great Central West. A handsome pre- mium given to each subscriber. Send 10 cents frr il copy of the Midland and premium list to the TWENTIETH CENTURY, PUBLISHING O., St. Louis. Mo.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

minutes.
 Reckon you've got something on your mind. cap," said the doctor. "Oh, nothin' very partickler," said the captain, 'but when whales was intro duced it reminded me. I had old Liz up Behring sea way two years ago-old : Liz was my ship, her full name bein' Elizabeth J. Barker-an' we'd Lad a pretty good season. September we put around for the Horn, and, as things happened, didn't see another whale till we struck into the FortieS. Then, sir, bout II o'clock one fine mornin', we do- in about six knots, we raised a whale that was whale"
 Big, bet," said the doctor.
 ''No, not so terrible big" said the cap tain, "but pesky. I was standin' about 'midslips when one of the men sings out: Hi, Cap, look at Ter blow Sure 'nough, half mile off and dead abeam 10 starboard, he was blowin'. He sent up a good spout and then seemed to kinder settle himself, like he was nap pin, showin' good bit of his length. I hove old Liz to, and We put over a couple of boats. Rowin' in the small boat was Dutchman named Frank. mention him, cause he comes into the yarn pretty prominent. Frank was good sailor, but one of them fellers that has dreadful little to say. He tended right to business and kept his hatch but tened close. We'll, as it turned out, the little boat licked the big one and got first whnck at the whale. They put harpoon into him just over his port fin and down he went
 'I stood a-watchin' things through glass. I waited an waited for the boat to start off in tow, but she didn't do nothin' but set still, which was puzzlin'. In about five minutes somethin' big an black broke water tween US and the boat, an there was old blower, not more'n 200 yards from the place he went down. He warn't up long, but enough to git his bearin's, guess, for down he went again, an I could see the bow man gcttin' ready to give him ell the rope he'd take. Then the boat started, slowed 8 bit an come dead for the ship at 40-nlile clip. l never see a boat travel so! We watched 'em, an when she got within 6 quarter of T mile thinks to myself: This is gittin' blamed interestin'. I wonder is that whale go- in to sheer off or is he goin' to give us a ram? That boat, sir, travelled for us as true as hair, an could see the men in her gittin' excited. On she come, throwin' spray like liner, and cal kilated if she held her course she'd hit us so near 'midships it wouldn't be worth lneasurin' the difference. Then 1 see the man in the bow make pass for the rope with the hatchet. but he was nervous like, an missed it, for the hatchet went overheard an he, losin' his balance, along with it. The rest of the men warn't long decidin' what they'd do. It was go overheard or git smashed to flinders, and when they got
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

enough let uFlfe iI rdnk, nOpln to knock him overheard if hit him. He seen it comin', lodged, an just as the boat went tail up again yelled:
 "'I can't swim!'
 Down went the boat like Soundin' lead, an this time we all slid over to starboard to see her come up. Seven or eight seconds passed, maybe, an then about 15 fathoms off our beam up come the boat, bottom up! oh, Lord!' groaned the cook, he's a goner!' But he warn't. No, sir. The boat hadn't travelled 20 yeard afore she righted, an we seen Franks head bob up over the gunnel. We'll, old whale didn't run so far this time, for he broke water few hundred fathom off. In about minute he sent up a stream of blood. I seen then that the harpoon was good throw, an he wasn't goin' to fight long.
 q sent the second boat out after him, but they didn't git far fore down goes whale for the third time, an in sec ond the little boat slowed again an we knew he was comin' at us. There warn't no way to make the Dutchman jump, an there warn't no way to stop the whale, so we just waited again while the little boat made tracks for us like she was goin' to ram. Just when I recl1- oned by the line out that the whale was passin' under us there was a tremen- dous bang an every mothers son was aok s, beard an then back to port an lay rockin' while we got up. Reckon yon guess what happened, Doc? That whale miscalkilated. He laid his course fine as silk, but his elevation was off couple O points. He didn't fetch deep enough, an hit old Liz a welt tha'd like to rip the keel off her. That set tied the business, too. We looked over the rail an seen some bloody water, then a flipper and soon big black body floated up alongside. There was our whale, sir, dead as hunk O salt pork, with the top O his head half tore off. He was blue whale, Doc, and he measured close to 62 feet. What be- come O the DHtchman? Why, tho boat slowed down when the whale rammed us an the other boat took him off. Hurt? No. He went to work cuttin' up that whale along with the rest of 'em. I did hear afterward that he was grumblin' cause twas his bucket l throwed at hiEl an it warn't picked up. Right lively whale, warn't it, Doc?"
 "Right lively" repeated the doctor. absently.-BrooKlyn Eagle.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

want to comeT'
 "I should be delighted, my dear boy"
 And in a few minutes we were in 8 cab, rolling toward the theater.
 Scarcely had we settled ourselves in cur seats when saw, entering the row in front of us, tall, thin blond, who seated herself in the chair immediately in front of mine. And then I saw with stupefaction that she wore upon her head a curious sort of hat cooked down in front and cooked up behind, gar nished with flowers, with vegetables, with shrubs-in fact. veritable gar den. As she had cooked her cooked hat over her eyes, it resulted that the rear of this vegetable garden lowered above the top of her blond ehignon, so that could see no more of the stage than if I had been in far Cathay.
 The bell rang; the curtain rose; I heard voices-presumably of actors but it was impossible for me to tell. At the risk of acquiring a telescopic necky leaned to the right, then to the left. But I had not counted on the kalloon sleeves of the blond, which were perfect monsters of swollen silk, and which masked completely 10th wings of the stage as her hat did the middle.
 "Holy smoke!" said to my friend. "that hat is going to be rather a nui- sance.'
 The blond lady heard me; she turned slightly, put up her lorgnon, and sur veyed me with fhe utmost haughtiness. Then, shrugging her shoulders, she pulled up her sleeves, so that it was Impossible for me to see even the rroscenium arch. Then she braced up her feet against the chair in front, and hoistod herself up a few inches, so that by this gymnastic feat she suc- ceeded in elevating her vegetable gar den even more than before.
 In a melancholy tone I said to Cmythe: Tt seems to me would have been better off if had stayed at the club and toasted my toes in the cafe in front of the fire. I would not have been incommoded or discommoded, and Iwould have seen fully as much of this piece as am seeing now."
 Hearing this, the blond lady turned around once more. and favored me with the most sneering smile that have ever seen. It provoked me, and determined to give her lesson if could. For might as well have been in a theatro- phone listening at telephone. Icould hear, but could see nothing. Voices female voices, male voices--con- fusedly came to my eur. You know how perplexing it is when you cannot
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

damned, an before be could make it loose the boat gave jerk round, al- most a-throwin' him out, an come at us again. What I'm sayin's truth, Doc, that boat struck another bee line for us. I suppose, more properly speakin', the whale did. Gosh! How she did come kitin'! Frank quit foolin' with the line an just hung on. l reckoned the boat was movin' faster'n ever, only she didn't throw so much water, cause she set down almost to her rowlocks. We stood speeches. while she was driv- in for us. When she got within 100 yards the mate took big breath and let fly:
 "'Jump, you Dutch lubber, or you're a dead man.
 ''But he didn't jump, an could see him gittin' ready for another dive under old Liz.
 'I grabbed up a bucket, climbed on the rail, an when the boat come near
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
TT WILL PAY YOU TO TAKE ssTIEE HERALD"
FORTUNE TELLING.

When on the grain was summers gold And blue vas summers sky, We went to have our fortunes told, 4 witching maid and l. The Gypsy sibyi seemed uncouth
 And weird to look upon, And yet for each of us, in sooth, 4 merry tale she spun. Mine was kindly horoscope;
 I heard my birth above Had hung the happy star of hope, The iaEobent star Of love. The star of love that bringeth bliss, learned, still shed it's glow. Much more the sibyl said, but this Was all cared to know. Then into SylvIa's slender hand
 saw the Gypsy peer, And words l longed to understand Were whispered in her ear; While on her cheek blush had birth That spread fin rosy fire. As when the winter-wakened earth Feels springs divine desire. We left behind the Gypsy old, And meath a dusky pine Again was that fair story told
 That ended: Sweet, be mIner' Then Sylvia, the roguish-eyed, Laughed fin her winning way; That's what" triumphantIy she cried, The Gypsy said you'd say? Clinton ScoIlard, in Harper's Bazar.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
Ina Eestaurant.

Guest (to waiter)-This beefsteak that you brought me isn't fit to eat; it must be three weeks old.
 Waiter-I beg your pardon, sir, made mistake; I brought you antelope steak instead.
 Guest (tries it again)--Why that tastes delicious; why didn't you tell me before that it was antelope steak!" Texas Siftings.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

Francls Bacon Pianos, established in New York l780, made by the oldest firm in the United States strictly high grade in every respect, equal to any piano made and at very moderate prices, taking into consideration the quality of these mag nfcrnt instruments General western office. Howard W. Foote & Co, 307-309 Wabash Ave, Chicago. Agents for Ari zona, St JohnsDrug Co.,, St. Johns, .:ii
 Write for prices catalogue etc.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

of hers" This response. provoked the utmost enthusiasm from the men. But the ushers would not listen to reason, and they made me leave my scat. The lady with the vegetable garden triumphed, but not for long.
 Looking up toward the family circle, l saw a colored damsel wearing small turban. I mounted to the circle. I went to thecolored lady. Pardon me, ' said l, "but I have just purchased hat which cost me $15 only quarter of an hour ago." exhibited the black velvet monument, and the colored lady's eyes bulged out in amazemeDt and admira- tion.
 And what about it?" said she.
 Nothing but this: it is yours if you will do me the favor to occupy my seat in the orchestra, No. 4S, until the play is over."
 In second she swept off the little turban which she wore, placed the black velvet monument upon her head, gave it two or three taps before the mirror in the lobby, shook out her skirts, and then, taking my arm, conducted her to orchestra chair Mo- 4S.
 Oh, if you had only seen the con- vulsiVe joy among the men in the orches- tra when they saw my monumental hat reappear upon a feminine head. This time the ushers had nothing to say. The lady with the vegetable garden was vanquished. She could see nothing dur ing the rest of the piece, and served as a focus from opera glasses from all over the house.
 Revenge! Revenge! At last was revenged. Ha, ha!-San Francisco Ar gonaut.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
PaDer Tiles,

An eastern firm is turning out large quantities of paper tiles which are used for roofing. They are reported 10 be hard and tough, and the glazing appears to be of the nature of Japanese lac. They are said to De exceedingly cheap, and can be fashioned in any color or shape to suit the rurchaser.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
From Afar.

Professional Jokist (to editor)-Here is a fine joke. I've brought it all the way from Frisco.
 Editor (reading it)-Ahem! That's the trouble wittit. It's too far fetched. Tn Date
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
ST. JOHNS HERALD

Y-P FISHER, NEWSPAPER ADvER
 ' -tIsinS Agent. 2l Merchanfs' Exchange BuiIdlng. San Francisco, is our authorized aEsnf. This paper is kept on file in his office
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
Too Mach for Willie.

Auntie-Now, Willie, guess my age and you shall have this-stick of candy.
 Willie-Can't. can only count up to 4O.-N. I. World.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

uT TANTED--sEEvRhL BRIGHT AND HONEa
 w persons to represent Us as Man gers in this and close by counties Sal ary $900 year and expenses. Straight. hona-6de, no more, DO less salary. Posi- tfon permanent. Onr references. any bank in any town. It is mainly office work conducted at home Reference Enclose self-addressed stamped envel- ope. THE DOMINION COMPANY, Dept. 3. Chicago.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
Four-Exed pt.conrte.x.

A polite Chinaman considers it a breach of etiquette to wear spectacles iB, company,
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

TO THE DEAF.-A rich lady. cured of her Deafness and Noises in the Head by Dr. Nicholson's Artificial Ear Drums. gave $lO.OGO to this Institute so that deaf people unable to procure the ear Drums may have them free. Address No lS3. The Institute, Long cott," Gunnersbury, London w., Eng land.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
RAILROADING PATENTS

single if m of Patent Lawyers. c. A, Snow & Co of Washington, D. c have in the last year procured GEO Iutents fer ;h.ir clients. m ny of them for rejsc el inyentioi.s C. A, snow & Co have b en accused of r.ilrOading patent. through he Patent office. Jut they insist that this lOc m Ition is b tier than ex-carting them
 or by t:ie latter pro the inventor oft.n dies before he gets his pat:nt.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03

A blindness comes and then. l have 1t It is queerI your eyes but your nose. can't read because of the letters blurred dark spots cover them; it is very uncomfortable.
 know all about it it's DYSPEPSIA Take one of these; 1t will you in ter minutes.
 What is it2
 A Rioans Tab:1le
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
A Ripans Tabule.

m W Que rive riH Note tie lE F p d dI uuIe <
  1TncsS sSs,Ss
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
A PESKY WHALE.

HERE'S " h a l e S an whales" said the captain, sud- denly. Some of 'em is pesky crit ters, an some ain't so pesl6y."
 Smoke went up in clouds, and there was silence for five minutes.
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
THE THEATER HAT.

HAT have you got to do this even- ing?" Cmythe.
 Nothing what ever," l replied.
 Well" said he, "I have a couple of seats for the Cali fornia. Don't you wr-a-k CT3y
The St. Johns herald., 1900-02-03
of 1900.

4 complete History of eaeh Of fife Slips in fbe An,ericaH Navy, by Edgar Sanfon Mac laN Historian U. 5. Navy.
The Bellefontaine Republican. [volume] (Bellefontaine, Logan County, Ohio) 1855-1905, 1900-05-22

An exchange thus bids farewell to a
departed citizen: "He was man of
push. He played marbles for keeps
when boy, and cheated all of his play
mates out of their alleys; he swapped
bladeless knife for four blader, sight
unseen, sold that for so cents, bought
pound of sugar and made barrel OF
lemonade, which he sold one circus day
for SO. He started in business and sold
bad meats for choice cuts and made a
fortune. When he got a thousand dol
lars, he organized company with
81, 900, 900 capital. mostly water, and
sold the stock at par. When the COM
pany busted it was found out he had
sold out some time before. When he
died he was millionaire, and he left il
all here. A week before he died he
bought five hundred dollar overcoat.
But he doenot need an overcoat where
he is now.
The Bellefontaine Republican. [volume] (Bellefontaine, Logan County, Ohio) 1855-1905, 1900-05-22
THE INTELLIGENT MULES.

The other day when the northwest
wind that swept through the city was
as it's height two mules were left stand
ing by truckman on Broadway, near
Franklin street. AS precautionary
measure he had tied together the
wheels on one side of the truck with a
piece of rope, fearing that they might
try to run away.
For some time they stood bowling
their heads to the biting wind, now
and then turning and looking expec-
tantly at the door through which their
driver had disappeared. Finally, the
''off'' mule leaned over and seemed to
whisper something in the "nigh''
mules ear. A moment later they
walked off quietly and, in spite of the
roped wheels, dragged the wagon
around the corner and anchored under
the lee of building where the wind
could not reach them.
SIT simply goes to show" said big
bluecoat, who came along, "that even
mules have more sense than some
men," And he pointed at two men
who for half an hour had been discus
sing the Boer war and stood shivering
in the wind.--New York Mail and Ex-
press.
The Bellefontaine Republican. [volume] (Bellefontaine, Logan County, Ohio) 1855-1905, 1900-05-22
THE TRAMP'S ADVICE.

She was standing on the front porch
reading the story paper, which had
just come in the mail.
MADAM" said Meandering Mike,
''did 1 see you brush away tear jes'
now?''
"Spos'n did," she returned. "It's
no business of yours"
81 spoke in kindness, lady. You
amt treatin' yerself right to cry an
read both at once. It's double strain
on yer eyes, an you might as well
listen to my hard luck stories, an save
yer eyes exclusively fur de weeps. If
you likes touchin' stories, lady, here's
yer chance to have 'em brought to yer
door, an you needn't pay two dollars a
years subscription in advance, neither.
It's de chance of yer life, lady, to trade
off cold victuals for pathos.'
The Bellefontaine Republican. [volume] (Bellefontaine, Logan County, Ohio) 1855-1905, 1900-05-22

To emove fruit, tea coffee or chOcO-
late stains, spread the stained cloth over
a bowl and pour boiling water through
at a height so that will strike the place
with force.
For an ink stain that is still fresh
soak the cloth in milk, changing the
liquid as often as it becomes discolored.
If it is dry and obstinate, use Javalle
water or salts of lemon. If the former,
let stand for a short time, then wash
thoroughly. If salts of lemon is employ
ed place the cloth over bowl of boiling
water, sprinkle the salts of lemon on the
stain and allow it to stand until it fades
away. Then scald thoroughly.
Lemon and sunshine are the anti
dotes for mildew. Rub the lemon on
the spot and place it in direct sunlight.
Iron rust yields to salts of lemon or
Javelle water if either is applied ac-
cording to the directions for removing
, ink.
Soak grass stains in alchol and rub
! the cloth until the color disappears.
Verdigris can be removed'by cover
ing the stain with lard and then wash
ing it thoroughly.
The sun is a reagent for scorch.
To take dry paint from fabric soft
en- the spot with vaseline and rub il
with benzine.
Put clothing that is stained with
perspiration in strong soapsuds and
stand it in the sunshine, repeating the
operation daily until it is spotless.
Wash machine oil out of cloth with
cold water, rubbing toward the center,
so that the stain will not spread.
To take blood from white linen, cover
| it with wet starch and allow it to dry
| or wash it out in warm mot hot) water
and soap.
The Bellefontaine Republican. [volume] (Bellefontaine, Logan County, Ohio) 1855-1905, 1900-05-22
Missouri newspaper saws;

A Missouri newspaper says: "To
save an editor from starvation, take
his paper, and pay for it promptly: to
save him from bankruptcy, advertise in
his paper literally; to save him from
despair, send him every item of news
you can get hold of; to save him from
profanity, write your correspondence
plainly; to save him from mistakes,
bury him, as dead people are the only
ones who never make Mistakes"
The Bellefontaine Republican. [volume] (Bellefontaine, Logan County, Ohio) 1855-1905, 1900-05-22

"I want to say to you,', roared the
red faced passenger, "that I am a
friend to the Beers, all the time!"
"Well," said the slim passenger, who
was in a corner of the car, where he
couldn't escape, 81 hadn't thought
much about it, but if you are with
them, am sorry for them myself"