Mesa free press., 1900-09-28
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There would be greater demand for
I'free" things If they didn't cost so
much.
The great wall Of China is said to be
the largest piece Of porcelain In the
world.
Johnny-"Paw, what is black-mailT'
Paw Mourning envelopes" - Balti-
more American.
1t was an Irishman who told his
sweetheart that he couldn't sleep for
dreaming Of her.
Crolius-"What is there between you
and that heiress" Burgess (sadly)-
"Her father."-Town Topics.
A chronic loafer fills a place in So
ciety corresponding to that occupied by
q weed In the vegetable kingdom.
1f>you do man favor and then re-
fuse to do him another it will make him
twice as angry as If you refused the
first.
Larry-"Be hivins, Dinnis, that ould
hens atm tacks." Dinnis-"Maybe
she's goin' to lay a carpet."-St. An
drew's Gazette. I,
Tramp -"Excuse me, have you seen a
policeman" Cyclist-"No." Tramp
"Then I'll have to call on you to give
up your watch and money."-Tit-B Bits.
what do you think of the censusY'
asked Mr.. Breechwood. ''It is a ques-
tionable proceeding" replied Mr.. Home
wood.-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Degrees: General haughtily)-"I
went to the war and defended my coun-
try" Statesman (wearily)-"That's
nothing. I stayed at home and defend
ed the war."-Life.
"Pd give five years Of my life to get
out Of this scrape," said the prisoner at
the bar. 'I'll let you out with three"
said the judge as he passed sentence
Green Bag.
what is bread chiefly used for,
Tommy" asked the teacher of small
pupil in the juvenile class. ITO spread
butter on" was the logical but unex-
Ipected reply.
''The cuckoo in that clock reminds
me Of poor ball-player and an arro-
CANT labor union" "How so?' at goes
Iout on SO many strikes" Chicago
iTimes-Herald.
On bargain basis: Lawyer-"Well,
madam, let us understand each other.
What do you want divorce forY' Fair
client-"Can ged one vor aboud four
dollars Y-Chicago Tribune.
II want you to understand that ]
don't waste my time talking; I act"
'Don't you know that it is always more
dangerous to act the fool than to talk
like one?'-Chicago Times Herald.
Tom-"Did you ask old Gilfoyle's con-
sent to your marriage with his daugh-
ter" Dick-"Yes." Tom-"How did
iyoa sccce out| Dick-"I really don't
know; it all happened so sudden."-
Town Topics.
Porter (at the Irish country railway
station, in voluble but dreary mono
!tone)-"The half-past> nine o'clock
ithrain win't shtart tonight till ten
o'clock, and there'n be no lasht thrain."
-Ex.
Niblick-"Brassie Is the most enthusi-
astic man over golf | have yet seen."
!Lofter-"Why, I didn't know that he
played the game at ALL" Niblick-"He
doesn't; but he sells golf goods."-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Mother-"Didn't 1 tell you not to
touch the preserves without my per-
,missionw Son-"Yes, mother" Moth
ier-"Then why didn't you come to me
and ask mew Son-~Because I want
ed some."-Life
Diplomacy: Census -taker-"What is
your age, MADAME Mrs. Neighbor-
I"Did the woman next door give her
eyeT Census-taker-"Cer Certainly" Mrs.
sNeighbOrs- I'm two years
younger than she t."-Chicago News.
A truthful man: Miss Plainface
iearnestly)-"But if I had not all this
money, do you think you could still be
happy with me" Mr.. Seekrox (star-
tied, but equal to the emergency)-"A-
a-a-Happy is not the word for it,
Brooklyn Life.
eyes, caught 4 beautiful string"
said the sun-blistered banker; "many
of 'em weighed four pounds" There
was brief silence. The voice of the
insurance agent broke it. "About how
many did it take to weight it?" he mild
ly asked. ''Not over ten," replied the
unabashed banker-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Mrs. Brown-"I must be going back
to the city at once. I've had three let
tiers from my husband in two days."
Mrs. Gray-"Why, you poor dear!
know just how you feel. Two would
be suspiciously attentive-but three!
really am afraid he has been doing
something very reprehensible.' Brook
lyn Life.
Papa" said little Percy, "why does
MT mamma travel with the circus?"
'HXUhx Nv IJonrno1- Ia, ,1rbnJ. Syu bot