Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1900-11-01
/ Mr.. John Takes His Bath !
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IN THE olden days, when Rome was
as beautiful as she was brilliant and
as brilliant as she was base. the bath
cessory 10 the toilet as il is AT the pres
ent time. 1t was a place where pro-
found statesman and polished patrician
and perfumed epicurean met to lounge
and visit and discuss affairs of state
| and social importance. They went
there with much ceremony and pomp.
attended by their slaves and arrayed in
gorgeous attire. They reelined in
dolently under awnings of burning
crimson and royal purple and they
Toasted and drank and spoke OF the
beauties and the sonorous eadenees Of
Homeric verse. And they watched the
sunlight CLINT and glitter on the per-
! fumed waters, turning them to limpiG
azure al their feet, while the low, plain
tive voice Of some bronze-skinned harp
isl rose and fell In musical monotone,
sweet as love and sad as death. lulling
their epicurean senses 10 somnolent
content II was all lovely with the love
illness Of art and the poetry Of un-
shackled paganism. II had all the dig
nifty Of an age that was sublime ia its
Sensuousness and superb in its sin. II
was a scene that had all the color and
fire and barbaric splendor beloved Of
the Caesars. II has filed the dreaming
eyes Of centuries Of painters and been
the inspiration and the despair of brain
and chisel
II was all this. But to-day there is
change. Paterfamilias still takes his
bath. II is a weekly necessity, not
ceremony. II is preceded and followed
by tri-weekly or daily "sponges," but
IL Is a duty to self and community. like
paying the taxes and going to church.
And he observes il in the same manner
and catalogues il on his mental en-
gagement list under the same heading
He regards il as an unavoidable but re-
grettable waste Of time, instead Of in
the Romanesque light Of sensuous
pleasure and social enjoyment. The
perfumed waters are 10 him not
languorous with the incense Of Araby,
but redolent with bath soap and am
moEia- The marble steps and waves OF
limpid azure have gone glimmering
whittier he wots not nor cares as he
lifts the soiled clothes basket, the
baby's rocker. a dress-suit case and a
preserve kettle out Of the tile bathtub !
and turns or both taps.
And, 70 begin at the beginning, the
modus operandi Of paterfamilias on
bath night as follows: His wife com
mences by mentioning al dinner that |
this is his bath night. He does not an
swer with much enthusiasm and the |
matter drops. Then he rises from the
table. lights cigar, sits down by the
study-lamp and hides himself behind
the paper. His better half suggests
that he take his bath early tonight
and he murmurs;
"Eh2 Oh. YES The British certain
ly bit bigger monthful than they can
masticate. Serves 'em
right, drat 'eml Turn the lamp higher.
will you?"
He reads steadily for some time and
his wife finishes some darning, puts her
sewing materials neatly away and re-
marks cheerfully:
Don't forget your bath, dear"
"Bath? Nope. Say. that was a bad
smashup on the Y. q Q. Now, why in
blazes they can't manage this train
business better beats me. They've got Il
their signal system, with all sorts Of
irills on il, and yet they can't stop at
a crossroad or water tank but what the
next train has to plump into 'em and
send everybody TO kingdom come.
Now, II were running a road"
Are these Billy's cuffs, John?"
"Ne: mine. Say, II that boy don't
cave my linen alone there's goin' to be
rouble. / never wore my fathers
clothes. II had I'd have been taken
or some calisthenic exercises in the
yoodshed. And his fathers no better
han-I mean, he's as good assay, n
Billy's aching for licllin' and he'll get
I one Of these days You'll see" IL
He turns another page and there is
! long pause. III
Presently his wife looks at the clock.
NY! It's after ten. Sha'n't turn on
he water in the bath, john H.
Some inarticulate grunts issue nm
unsteady from behind the paper and
FRS. John rocks back and forth gently. j,
Don she yawns a little and rubs her j
yes sleepily. Then she studies the
op OF Johns head Goubtfully, II,
John. dear. its growing late. Won't 1
ou take your bath now?" !
John dear jerks another page over
nd remarks amiably that he'll take il !
n a minute. bur why in the name Of all
he gods they want 20 run that duffer J
OF reelection is beyond comprehen- I
ion. IL is just such skates that don't a
now enough to come in when II rains
cal hard that seem TO get in Office I
omehow. They and hlaeklegs. Now, !
he had been in Office he would have I
hown the party what was what. In L
be first place, he would c
Mrs. John thinks she hears the baby {