The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1900-09-02
'TwAsy'T MARK TWAIN.
Audience Took Temperance Lee
turer for Famous Humorist.

Mark Twain Is good talker. and in
variably prepares himself though he
skilifully hides his preparation by his
method OF delivery. which denotes that
he is getting his ideas and phrases "a
he proceeds. He is an accomplished ar
fist In this way. His peculiar mode OF
expression always seems contagious with
an audience. and a laugh would follow
the most sober remark. 1t is a singular
fact that an audience will be in laugh
Ing mood. when they first enter the
lecture room; they are ready TO burst
out at anything and everything In the
town OF Colchester Conn, there was a
good illustration Of this. the Hon. DEM
sham Hornet having most unpleasant
experience at the expense of Mark
Twain. Mr.. Clemens was advertised to
lecture In the town of Colchester. but for
some reason failed to arrive. In the
emergency the lecture committee decid-
ed to employ Mr.. Hornet 10 deliver his
celebrated lecture on temperance, but so
late In the day was this arrangement
made than no bills announcing II could
be circulated. and the audience assem-
bled expecting to hear Mark Twain.s No
one In the town knew Mr. Clemens, or
had ever heard him lecture, and they
entertained the idea that he was fun
ny. and went to the lecture prepared to
laugh. Even those upon the PLATFORM
Mr. Hornet from Mark Twain. and so.
when he was introduced. thought MOTH
Ing OF the name. a. they knew Mark
Twain was pen-name. and supposed
his real name was Hornet.
Mr. Hornet bowed politely. looked
about him. and remarked Tntemperance
Is the curse of the country The audi
ence burst into merry laugh. He knew
II could not be at HIS remark, and
thought his clothes must be awry. sand
he asked the chairman, in a whisper, II
he was all right, and received YES for
an answer. Then he said: Rum slays
more than disease Another, but louder
laugh followed. He could not understand
II. but proceeded: 1T breaks ND happy
homesr still louder mirth. 1T Is carry
Ing young men down to death and heilr
Then came a perfect roar OF applause.
Mr.. Hornet began TO get excited He
thought they were poking fun at him,
but went on: We must crush the SER
pentr tremendous howl OF laughter.
The men on the platform. except the
chairman. squirmed as they laughed Then
Hornet got mad. What say Is Gospel
truth he cried The audience fairly bell
lowed with mirth Hornet turned to
man on the stage and said: DO YOU
see anything very ridiculous in my re-
marks OF behavior Yes. ha. ha! It's
Intensely funny-ha, ha. ha, Go on. re-
Piled the roaring man. This is an In
suit cried Hornet. wildly dancing about.
More laughter, and cries OF Go on,
Twain" Then the chairman began to
see through glass darkiy, and arose
and aueilcd the merrfment. and explain
ed the situation. and the men on the
stage suddenly ceased laughing and the
folks In the audience looked sheepssh.
and they quit laughing. too and then
the excited Mr.. Hornet. being thoroughly
mad. told them he had never before got
into town so entirely populated with
asses and idiots. and having said that.
he left the hall In disgust. followed by
the audience in deep gioom."-will ~
Clemens In Ainsiee's.