Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1900-06-14

y Is, We VIII call IL the Treat amer
lean Dietary Sausage company" inter-
| rupted the major. and as purchasing
agent well deposit 100000 TO your
| credit TO start on; salary to be paid
weekly or monthly, just as you elect,
| and the dividends on the stock to come
I quarterly. 1 need SO to see my way
clear. but if you can't spare that sum
give me 50. And there you are, sir;
there you are
But l haven't got So"
Don't neglect this golden opportuni-
| ~, my dear contemporary; don't do it.
The man who invented the Welsh rab-
bit made s., ZOO, 600 and lived to be 90
years old. Angel cake brought its in
| yentor S1,OOOOOO while he lived and a
monument 40 feet high after death.
Hoky poky ice cream won't be in it
| with dietary sausage. Peanut brittle
and lobster salad have already gone TO
the rear. Why, sir, any moment tele-
graph boy may come in with n tele-
gram from the president reading: Con-
CALCULATIONS on your dietary; have
only eaten one barrel and am sure 1
shall be renominated. Send another
by express The very next mail will
probably bring unsolicited testimonials
from a dozen actresses and four or five
senators. 1t is needless for me to tell
you that delays are dangerous. Time,
tide and the dietary sausage wait for
no man. If you haven't got So, III try
and make So do. Leave your name
and So
The Life of Napoleon -
'Never mind the Life of Napoleon
my boy. Napoleon was great man,
but Major Crofoot wasn't on earth
then. We are not delving in the past,
but digging into the future. Where
Napoleon made 500 you'll make So,
900. Let others conquer the world by
force of arms il they will, but We'll
conquer it by force of dietary sau-
sage. You've certainly got 81 about
you. 1 want TO get the orga cation
perfected today"
Twelve only got dollar" stam-
mered the canvasser as he exhibited
the bill.
"Well, I'll take it and make it go as
far as it WILL" replied the major as
the greenback changed hands. You'll
feel safer for having invested money
in the enterprise. Stock will be ready
in about two weeks, and as soon as
y
you'll begin purchasing stock. Yes,
I'll make the dollar do, and you'd bet
ter begin posting up on meats. When
we once get started
But came up here to sell you this
book
when we once get started, Wen
use up at least 1000 tons per week,
and you must be able to tell at
glance whether the meat is juicy
enough for our purpose. That's all.
and there you are. and III send for
you when the papers are ready to be
signed. 1 think we'll make the ground
floor price on stock 20 cents, but maybe
we can scale that figure down Il little.
At any rate, there you are, and you
can have every confidence that your
canvassing days are ended. Turn to
the right, please, and good day-good
day"
But listen minute. l came up here
to sell you
And don't give me away-don't do
it," cautioned the major as he pushed
his caller along. Just keep mum and
saw wood until our patent is secured.
and then Wen jump on the whole
world with both feet and boom dietary
sausage even to the drawing rooms of
royalty. Ground foor-$15, 900 per
year-golden opportunity. Don't miss
it"
\ minute later the canvasser found
himself on the street. and when he was
asked what had happened him that he
looked so put out he replied:
"Why, l went up TO sell a man a
$3.50 subscription book, and I'll be
hanged if he didn't turn me out and
get my only dollar in cash besides!'
NJ. QUAD.