davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
COLLEGE YELLS HAVE A USE.
Conservative Persons Favor More
Decorum. but Ehthusiasm II a
Prime Requisite.

Now il may be that American insti-
tutions of learning are wholly depen-
ent upon the college yell for preserva-
tion and sustenance, and that they
might helplessly collapse should its
support be Withdrawn, says the San
Francisco Chronicle. Among con-
servative people, however there is a
growing suspicion that the interests
Of education may be conserved with a
little more decOrum and n little less
yell. Some one has wisely suggested
that an initial step in weaving the
American university from dependence
upon the yell would be TO follow the
example Of Oxford and Cambridge,
and fix a certain day in the year
when students shall be conceded un-
limited license. when discipline ano
the faculty shall take back seats, and
youth and merriment reign supreme,
and not college yells and class yells
alone be the order OF the hour. but
when all manner Of cat calls and car
feature Of the dominies shall be reck-
oned among the days privileges.
Should such an order be established,
80 strange a commingling Of manli-
ness and Of babyhood Is the Amerl-
can student. that finding himself cast
wholly upon his own responsibility
one may safely predict he would use
his liberty with a wise restraint and
consideration unknown in English
universities.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
A HIDEOUS BIRD.
The Queer Appearance and Actfons
Of the Adjutant of India
and Africa.

"The plainest OF the large wading
birds TO be seen i'm many of our
geological gardens is the adiutant. a
native of India and Africa" remarked
"a naturalist to Washington Star
writer. Nature seems TO have de-
signed him in an experimental mood
and. disgusted with her handiwork
TO have turned him ont unfinished
The young adiutant. with his bald
head and beak like a pickax. is re.
pulsively ugly. and the melancholy
gravity of his demeanor suggests that
he has seen himself mirrored in some
still pond. and the revelation is weigh
ing upon his mind. As he grows old
er. however. and begins to take
lively interest in dead rats. the ef
fects of the shock 10 his vanity passes
away. Tie becomes iaunty- nay, friy-
Dlous-and i'm sheer 9ightncss of
heart attends dancing parties on the
mud slopes Of his inclosure. where he
ducks and bows and kicks and scrapes
with half-distended wings. 10 the adj
miration Of his feathered companions.
All the cranes and storks are great
dancers. and in the early pairing sea-
son you may see really graceful |
terpsichorean performances in the /
paddock Of any 700 where they are on /
exhibition. An elderly adiutant prac-
ticing his steps all by himself is a
spectacle the sympathetic observer
can hardly regard without mingled
laughter and tears. He is so awk-
ward. so ungainiy. yet so cheerfuly
earnest about ID. YOU are sorry for the
deluded bird. and yet cannot refrain
from hoping that The heart Of the hen
adjutant will be moved by the pa.
thetic display of inaptitude."
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
TRADE OF TIENTSIN.
II Is One of the Most Important Com
mcrciaI cities Of the Chinese
COnst.

The bund, or water front. gives one
some adequate idea of the commercial
importance Of Tientsin. The decks
Of Liverpool or New York, although
many times greater i'm extent. are not
more crowded and busy Here the
lighters. anchored I'm the river, just
across the way from the great ware
houses are loaded with cargo TO be
sent ont or which has just been re-
ceivcd from the ships at Taku There
are mountains Of bales done up in
mating and bound securely with iron
for their protection in the long jour
ncy 10 the uttermost quarters OF the
globe: there are boxes and casks Of
Chinese make marked London or
Hamburg. and in the midst of all this
merchandise throngs OF half-naked
coolies swarm Ike insects. insects fur
nished with lusty and never-silent
voices. There are tons Of wool from
Mongolia. camels' hair. skins, char
coal, and soda from Siberia, mats and
grain. One now and then has whiifs
Of musty perfume. the breath Of ORR
entail bazars. spice and sandalwood
Ii is one Of the busiest spots in the
world and can furnish a succinct OBJ
iect lesson to one at all interested in
the problem Of our commercial rela-
tions with the far east.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
WHAT SCIENCE IS DOING.

Over lG00o0o00 tons of cornstalks
have been annually going TO waste;
to-day this farm product Is worth So
ton.
a new developer has appeared. or
thodioNy bcnzoi which, under the
name of Elconal, is proposed by DR..
Ludwig Ellon. lt has tine singular
property Of allowing a mixture Of
hypo in all proportions. and a COM
binod developing and fixing bath may
be thus prepared. Is is spoken Of
very highly by photographers who
have used it,
Portugal was very liberal TO scien-
tific men a. the time of the recent
eclipse. The custom house employees
were ordered 10 give astronomers ev-
cry facility for the entry of their
baggage. their instruments being adj
mittcd free ON the presentation of q
certificate from am Astronomical oh-
servatory. countersigned by a Fortu-
gpcse consular agent.
Rubber culture was first scicnfifical-
ly undertaken at the botanical gar
dcns at Peradeniya in 1876. by Dr.
Trimcn. and i'm 1891 Ceylon boasted Of
250.000 trees of the Brazilian variety
which yielded an amount of one
pound and a half per tree. 30 trees
being planted to the acre. 10 is for
tunate for Brazil that very little Of
the east possesses the soil. climate
and conditions necessary for such
eompetition.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
EVERYBODY WOKE UP
Liam Caught in a Mouse Trap
Causes Great Commotion.
Incidentally lie Also Destroyed All Of
His Landlndy's Furniture and
ruled the boarding House
with Ten-Ply Profanity.

Iaik ABOUT your peculiar mishaps," ="
said q young man employed in one Of
the railroad offices TO New Orleans
Imcs-Domocrat man. something
happened at our boarding house the
other night that think is entitled
90 first money. One of our dodgers
is % very iat man, who has a ioD as
bookkcepor in wholesais house near
ihc river Le is almost as tall lying
down as he is standing up. and. with
such % pauuch, is rather SOW in get
ting around. but Tor all that he is
perfect bundle Of nerves and the most
eNcitaOle man ever knew i'm my
life. Weil he has a room directly
under mine. and lately we have all
been bothered more or less by mice.
The lanaIady declared war ON them,
and for light artillery She bought a
iot of small wire traps-thosc dome
shaped affairs with holes around the
top for The beasts TO stick their heads
into.
"Ihe servant put one n each room,
and few evenings ago, when she
was going around batting the lot. was
careless enough 10 Ieave the fat mans
standing on top OF his dresser lie
happened TO be- ont attending a sing
ing society that night and didn't get
home until about one a. IN. His room
WAS pitch dark. but he knew there
were some matches ON the dresser. and
moving cautiously across thc floor. he
began paving around for the box.
ST about the first plunge De- made he
stuck bis fat forcfngcr into one of
the apertures of The mousctrap. and .
The thing snapped down on him like
the jaws of huh,og.
"Now imagine. IF YOU can." confined .
the railroad clerk. "how You would feel
yourself IF YOU were prowling around
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
SQUELCHED BY WIDOWS PIG.
The Montana Statesman Got Mixed
tp In story Intended to
Hurt David u. HiIl.

Myron llaskins. of Philadelphia, has
been relating few "reminiscences of
past national conventions. and i'm that
connection was reminded of a funny
anecdote in which Martin Maginnis,
former delegate I'M congress from
Montana. was concerned. Just prior
to the democratic convention of lsss,
which nominated Cleveland and Thur
man, David b. Hin. then governor Of
New York. was supposed TO have pres
idcntial aspirations. I'm order to
squelch them Hills enemies started a
story TO the effect that he had been
a prime mover i'm q scheme TO extract
money for campaign purposes from
the laborers on the new aqueduct by
means of a raGle for a pig, which was
held at the home of Widow Magin-
mis-. When the convention met the
Widow Maginnis' pig" was phrase in
eyeryone's mouth. Gen. Pat" Col
lins. of Boston. was chairman Of the
convention. and i'm its early hours
member of the Montana delegation,
which had an obscure position.
climbed up on his chair and secured
recognition. Collins did not know
him personally. and naturally asked
him to state his name. "Maginnis'
was the answer, followed by a deaf
ening roar. II was too pat. and
though he struggled manfully Martin
Maginnis was unable to make that
speech. His voice was drowned by
inquiries as TO what had become OF
fho nio
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
TOO INFORMAL BY HALF.
Secretary of the Navy Longs Sur.
prise ON Attending His First
Cabinet Dinner.

Just before the first cabinet dinner
was given in Washington last season.
relates a Washington exchange. Sec
retary Of State Hay had a private talk
with his colleagues regarding the in
vitation precedence question. II was
unanimously agreed that the annoying
subject be sent 10 the rear and that
hostesses be simply asked to exercise
such care as would prevent the same
people coming together too much dur
ing the season. No one expressed him
self as more reioiced over the change
than the secretary OF the navy. lie
talked about II constantly between
the agreement and the dinner. When
he arrived at the mems dressing-room
the evening Of the dinner the man
servant handed him the usual small
envelope with the name Of the lady
whom he was TO take in 10 dinner. Air
Long read IT aloud 10 the other mem
bers Of the cabinet in the room. lie
looked puzzled and distressed. The
other members showed that they also
had cards. Mr.. Long sat heavily down
IN a chair and looked around them
as one who had lost his last friend.
81 thought" he said. mournfully.
that Hay told us this was going to
be an informal affair"
"What did you expect?" asked a cab
met minister
"Why. thought every fellow would
come IN and just 60 to the lady he
liked best, take her ont TO dinner and
SIT down in the chair nearest him.
That's my idea OF informallty."
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
The Discoverer Of Swamp-Root at Work In
His laboratory.

There is disease prevailing in this
country most dangerous because 50 decep-
tive. Many sudden deaths are caused by
it-heau disease. pneumonia heart failure
or apoplexy are often the result Of kidney
disease. IF kidney trouble is allowed to ad-
vance the kidney poisoned blood viii attack
the vital organs or the kidneys themselves
break down and waste away cell by cell.
Then the richness Of the blood-the albumen
leaks out and the sufferer has Brights
Disease, the worst form Of kidney trouble.
Dr.. Kimer S Swamp-ROOt the new dis
covery is the true specific for kidney. bladder
and urinary troubles. lthas cured thousands
Of apparently hopeless cases. after all other
efforts have failed Al druggists in fifty-cent
and dollar sizes. A sample bottle sent free
by mail, also a book telling about Swamp
Root and its wonderful cures. Address
Or. Kilmer e. Co., Binghamton, N. T. and
mention this paper.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
DetonotIons Iniure the Ear.

Repeated detonations are very in
furious to the ear. A German scien-
tist recently examined the ears Of 96
soldiers before and after n battle in
South Africa, and found marked
changes in "A. or nearly 80 per cent
In seven cases he found small hem
orrhages in the ears and the firing
caused the edge OF the ear drum 70
become red i'm 81 cases.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

One OF the most important indus
tries Of the Bahama islands IS the
gathering Of pink pearls. It IS the
only place IN the world where these
pearls are found They are not taken
from the oyster shell. but from a
shell resembling a large snail shell,
called a "conch" These pearls. when
perfect, bring very high prices, II is
said. ranging from $50 10 $4,000.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

He-Do you believe in ghosts?
She-No; do you?
He-Sure thing. Isaw one last week.
she-Ilow does it look?
He-It appeared in the form Of
donkey.
she-Were you standing in front Of
mirror when you saw it?-Chicago
Daily News.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
sounds Stsance.

"My children said the patriarch,
follow in my footsteps and lead a
fast life, and You W. be honored."
Strange advice from the father of
family?
Not when you take into considera-
tion the fact that IT was a race horse
who was sneakng.-N. Y. World.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
NO. 8.
A Reasoner.

Mrs. Featherwell's new hat is the
'ery latest style, isn't it?' remarked
Mr. Blykins.
Yes answered his wife. "But how
did you know it? You say you pay no
attention 10 fashions"
There couldn't be any mistake in
this case. II it weren't in the latest
style she wouldn't dare wear anything
30 ugly. ."-Mashington Star.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
A Talent for Escape.

Mrs. Snibbs is such q clever wom-
an; She has been president Of nine dif-
ferent clubs"
"Well, Mrs. Dubbs is cleyerer; she has
been in clubs IS years and has always
evaded getting into Office Chicago
Record.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
Where the Horse Hair Comes From

There Is a vast amount Of horse hair
annually used I'm the United States for
making and repairing violin. violin
cello and bass viol bows. All Of the
hair comes from Germany and Russia.
IN which countries the tails Of horses
are generally allowed 10 grow much
longer than here.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

pauper IS man at always worries
quite a lot
Becos he can't accumeriate no money.
The plutercrat he worries for fear at
what he's got
IL git away frum him. Now, amt II
funny?
Catholic Standard and Times.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

How can you stay in town all sum-
mer? have to get away, II only TO see
new faces"
MY wife does that for me- She gets
a new housemaid every week."-N. Y.
n Orld
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

TOO bad about Dobss being sick 20
long,
why, he's enjoying II. / heard him
brag Yesterday that be had over a
hundred medicine bottles in the
house Chicago Record.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

The well on the grounds of the
Good Shepherd in the town Of Wauwa-
tosa. Wis. has been bored TO a depth
Of 1880 feet, one Of the deepest wells
IN the world. The contractor has con-
cluded that he cannot obtain a flow
ing well. and therefore stops. The
water rises within so feet Of the
surface. II will have 10 be pumped
mp by an engine.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

"Well, Dean" said his tired auntie,
"how many tongues have you got?"
Three - quickly replied Master
Dean.
Indeed. Where are they?"
zone in my mouth and one in each
shoe. Cincinnati ENQUIRER.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
4 Necessary PrecautIon.

Wiie-Are you going to shave, dear2
Husband
Wife-Just wait until take the par
rot out of the room. don't want her
10 learn any bad language. y. Jour
nal.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
Just what She Meant.

81 don't think he's a man of much
discernment,' said the girl in blue.
"Nhy, he proposed to me only last
evening returned the girl in pink.
"Nes; ! said he wasn't a man Of
much disccrnment," repeated the girl
IN blue. Chicago Post.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
ReaIi.tIc value OF Art.

"Didyeu Ike my painting Of A Rainy
Day in Summer
"Yes; it reminded me that you have
never brought back my UMBRELLA
Chicago Record
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

communications Of "a private ma
''-not Of public interest, obituaries
- s''ulng ten lines memorials, tributes
pec' ana resolutions of orgaBiza-
Oi corporations will be charged
at 'ne rate of five cents per line,
&c" published in the HERALD. Posi-
10y 10y no deviation nor exception will
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

He-If you don't marry me, I'll kill
myself
She-You don't really mean IL?
He-Yes. do!
She-Then ! refuse you!- Harlem
Life
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

Yale senior-Will you-will you be
my ideal wife?
New Haven Girl-No. but III be your
ideal sister.-Clevelan nd'Plain Dealer.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16
Remarkably Reserved.

"Shrinksby Is a very reserved man."
Yes. indeed. OF course, don't
know. but honestly believe he could
have a toofhache without anyone
knowing -Ilarper's Bazar.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

Miss Founder Cat the piano)-If you
would an talk in the same key could
accompany you so much better.-Balu-
more American
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

Mrs Henpeque (readng)-It says
here that this new elixir Of life will
make a man live for 200 years.
Mr. Henpeque-If ! was a bachelor
I'd buy a bOttle-Puck.
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

"Oh. fy with me-" implored the youth.
From parents stern duressi"
I will with pleasure" said the maid,
III you the wind possess"
Judge
The Farmville herald. [volume] (Farmville, Va.) 1890-1934, 1900-11-16

Weary Willie-Wot o,u yer wake me
up fer? | wus dreamin' / wus eatin'
fried chicken an mince pie!
Facetious Feeny-I wus afeerd ye'd
overeat yersef-N. Y. Journal.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22

Livery, Feed and Sale Stable. Horses that
any one can drive. Special attention given
70 Boarders. Opposite Fire Department.
Phone Al. FL Paso. Texas.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22
The Dry BATTERY.

The dry battery. SO called, has al
most completely supplanted the older
wet battery for electric bell work, etc.
on account of its greater convenience
and lack of the disagreeable, sloppy
qualities possessed by its predecessor.
Somebody has defined n dry battery as
one that Is always wet inside and n
wet battery IS one that often dries up.
1t is precisely so; the dry battery is
permanently wet inside. 1t is general
l. made M of II zinc cylinder or cup.
Al which is supported a carbon stick or
rod, surrounded by some porous sub
stance, such as excelsior" or other
fiber, mineral wool OF plaster of paris.
This is saturated with the active chem
ical, sal ammoniac generally. in a solu-
ton made stiff with gelatin. The whole
is then sealed with pitch or some simi-
lar compound and Is ready for use.
These batteries are made In vast guam
titles and so cheaply that when one
becomes exhausted 1t Is simply thrown
away and replaced with a new one.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22
THE DOWAGER'S SONG.


An ugly old cat
OF a dowager sat
Making faces at Ii Hung Chang,
And whenever things made
Her smile she displayed
long and yellowish fangl
She was vrinkled and fat
This ugly old cat
And her claws were discolored and long,
And, with a depraved inclination to fat,
she swayed and she shook. and she grinned. and
she sang
The words Of this narrowing song:
ooh l s,rangled Hoo Su.
And no;son.d Him S,,n
And dropped Ii 10 in the sea;
p,nctured the tire of little All Goo.
syered tn. xindpipe attached to Lum Tuu,,
And snrrsd the sod over Am Ne.
For they wanted TO learn. and they wanted &c
crawl
Up the steps Of the throne we maintain,
Rut Cor rulers 50 Young or 90 feeble that all
A. a, 80, ,ha,, and ns;gn,
r, i,,s. a, old cat
who O. go,,,x and fat
n,, NV s,nile Is -ncbantinp and sweet
Ard ,hs rranda,in. fan
o. ,k.; ,or,h. 81 o-,rl
IT, - go, ,ha;r aI.d I;n. 70 INV ts.t
whsna..- 7 cav .R;.e,'
a. ,ooL do,,n In ~. eve.
~ az yo,,,, da,dv 7 cboo..
Oh ,rdsntIv he
TIL. ,,o,,nd s,,s, me
"a 49,, IA. .,,,,s. q, h. xroo..
whtr. ~. ,.s, a, ,,d ,,gh
Ara would ,rIll;nelv de
Pc, an bo,, Of bliss In his shoe.t
-, ~ ,o,, . ao,e
=. - -, , ,-;.
.,..-... =. -
Ana a. Certain a. tate.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22
Brave Men Fall

Victims to stomach, liver and kid
ney troubles rs well "a women, and I'll
feel the results in lose of appetite
poisons In the blood, bsckache, ner
vousness, headache and tired, listlese
run down feeling. But there's no need
TO feel like that. Listen to J. w.
Gardner, Idaville, Ind. He ssys:
a man when he Is all run down, and
don't care where he lives or dies. II
did more to give me new strength and
good appetite than anything l could
take. can now eat anything and have
anew lease on life. Only so cents ~
Train l. Co's., Drug Store. Every bottle
guaranteed.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22
uoouseu anu s.O...

Father-Now, Fred and Harry, that
you have left school 1 want to see
which of you will put FL to the best ac-
count in a week.
Father following Saturday)-Well,
Fred, what have you done with your
sovereign?
Fred-I have doubled it.
Father-That is good and promises
well. and. Harry. how have you done
Harry have lost mine. 1 tossed
with Fred, and he won.-London Tit
Bits
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22

my baby was terribly sick with the
diarrhoe g." Gays 81 Dosk, OF WILL
isms, Oregon. 1--WE were unable to
cure him with the doctors assistance,
and as a last resort we tried Cham ber-
lain's Colo, Cholera and Disrrhoea
Remedy. / an happy to say it gave
imme diste relief and q complete cure"
For sale by all druggists.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22
TIMES BALM.
when frs. met the fair Marc.

When first met the fair Marie.
Ny smittsn heart at once surrendered
And in q week. with eager haste.
Ny love and all have ! rendered
Marie Wac very calm and cool.
Though ] vas greatly agitated.
And when I came away-refused-
To endless anguish felt fated-
But. oh, since then so many girls
I've seen. far prettier. sweeter. brshf0s
That all their loveliness has made
Ny load of woe distinctly lighteri
In TACT since she said NO I've met
lovely girl whom like better.
And now whene'er I meet Marie.
think. Thank heaven didn't get herr
-SomerviIle Journal
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22

Millions will be spent in politics this
year. We can't keep the campaign
going without money any more than we
can keep the body vigorous without
food. Dyspeptics used to starve them
selves. Now Kodol Dyspepsia Cura
digests what you eat and allows you to
eat all the good food you want. 1t rs-
dicslly cures stomach troubles. Fred
Schaefer druggists.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22
The Clerk. Thought So Too.

A little girl years old accompanied
her mother on a shopping expedition
one day. Noticing that they went to a
great many stores for one article, final
ly, on coming out of the last one still
without it, Marjorie exclaimed, why,
mamma, you are so unsuitabler-De-
troit Free Press.
El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-08-22
And That's Why We Say

And ThnfS WY w Sly
The bonnets that bloom in the spring,
ira. la. are seen in the milliner's case
Boston Globe.
And to pay for a few of the dears,
ira, la, makes papa grow black in the
face, ira, la-makes papa grow black
In the face,-Hartford Post