Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1900-02-03
MRS. VAN DYKE


an elderly gentleman. and warmly
shook his hand. You came just at the
right moment. never go to confession
but. you know. to an old family friend.
who has known me from childhood and
has been almost like a father--well. to
cut the matter short. l want to open
my heart to you. You must be my
father confessor."
You are jesting!"
mot a bit OF 1t. am in downright
earnest. II Is the first favor I've asked
Of you In long. long time. You won't
say nor
IF you think that 1t IL necessary"
or course do. You can Judge for
yourself. I've been here only two
days: come over from Boston on a
visit to my mother. you know. and al
ready they are instigating my husband
to bring suit for a divorce"
MY dear Doretta." interrupted Mr.
Tort mildly. couldn't we discuss this
matter a little more coolly7 Might we
not. for example, sit DOWN"
Certainly. let US sit down."
But this circumstance did not In any
way dampen the fire OF Mrs. Van
Dykes eloquence.
You know the cause OF all this trou-
bIe3"
mot In the least"
mo? You know Just az well as II
1t Is all about the little Lieut.. Scratch.
People say he has been making love to
me. and l. so they say. am pleased
with his attentions. Did you ever hear
of such examinations? saw Lieut..
Scratch for the first time here at Mrs.
Fitzgerald Archibald's. She isn't re-
lated to Lord Fitzgerald OF Devonshire
at all. though she claims to be. Good
ness gracious. everybody nowadays
pretends to be related to the nobility.
Why. my maid says she belongs to the
Fontainbleus. But. let me see. where
were we2 IL there's anything | hate
IT'S disgressions when one has a story
10 tell. it's so tlresOme.
"Oh, yes! about Lieutenant Scratch
and Mrs. Fitzgerald Archlbalds tea
Wen, there couldn't have been more
than ten or twelve people there al the
most. Mrs. Archibald-it takes toA
long to pronounce all her name and
she really has no right to II anyway
Mrs. Archibald had one of her head
aches. That IL her forte. She Is al
ways complaining Of headaches. The
drawing room was lighted by "A couple
OF carcelles lamps, one with IA red shade
and the other with green one These
produced the funniest physiognomies!
Mrs. Archibald stood near the green
lamp, and looked for all the world like
an unripe lemon. And her sister. Mrs.
Patterson, was near the lamp with the
red shade and had the appearance OF a
picked beet While there In the middle
was the old aunt How she did look!
One cheek had a red tinge and the
other was pale green tint II was too
funnyl Yes, there were Mrs. Archi-
bald and Mrs. Patterson-so lovely! A
pair OF ripe beauties. they! But they
haven't given up the hunt after con-
quests yet. Everybody In New York
knows that Mrs. Archibald was most
extraordinarily intimate with
But, Doretta-"
"Ohl entirely platonic. I assure you'll
with an alderman. Now. | ask you.
what IL an alderman even II he does go
TO the springs every year,? And Mrs.
Patterson People are 80 malicious.
You know old Gen. Cabman, don't your
The man who In blind In his right eye
and deaf In his left carr? He II her
faVorite now, they say. and his pre-
decessOr was Capt. Guernsey, who lost
his leg at Bull Run. and has nothing
but a trifiing pension. You've heard
what they call Mrs. Archlbald's house,
haven't your mol The military hos
pital. Pretty good. isn't III
"Of the old aunt. believe, they have
nothing bad to tell. or good either. for
that matter, though her face and figure
are something frightful. She II n regu-
lar pedant. When she isn't haranguing
the company at the top OF her voice
she goes to sleep. And II In q waking
interval she does not keep silence once
In a while. she makes the whole com
pany so nervous they don't know what
to do by the agreeable habits OF rub
bling her hands, as II she were wash
Ing them with soap"
"But, my dear" interpolated Mr.. Tort
once more. "ail this has nothing to do
with the matter In hand"
What Nothing to do with ~ On
the contrary. II is indispensabiei
"Well, then, you see. to tell II briefly,
the only young and-ahemi-pretty wO-
man in the room was myself or the
gentlemen, the alderman and the gem
eral occupied themselves with the pair
OF sisters; there was millionaire. made
rich by bankruptcies; a Congressman.
whether Democratic or Republican, !
can't say; at all events. he had never
smclled much political powder. then IA
literary man, deliver us from evil:'
then Scratch and my husband. Now,
II you take out Scratch and myself,
that was a delightful company. wasn't
It? For you see-well, you know my
husband In "A good enough sort OF n
fellow, but ne In tediousness persona
fed. II In natural enough: he In simply
q normal married man; tlresomeness
Seems to be a general characteristic Of
husbands MOI don't shake your head.
Mr.. Tort You don't know anything
about It. You should be a woman, and
married-one week would be enough
A husband In. perhaps, away from
home. good company. entertaining and
witty. but in his own family he is pro-
sale, Erumbling and unbearable. lie IL
discontented with everything. Every
thing gives him occasion to moralizc,
TO preach sermons as long as an even
years drought. lie holds his wife back
by the skirts II she wants to go out,
and II she wants to stay at home moth
ing will do but she must trOt along
with him and make calls. Always OPP
position and irrItability. II our honor
ed lords and masters are gracious
enough TO take us to the theatre. their
faces are as long ~ your arm II they
are alone with us. but they brighten
up the instant they see the faces Of
the wives OF other men. wsArs always
all right when wo have two couples to-
gether; then. st least. there Is an op-
portunlty to open crossfre. and this has
certain attractiveness. But, Alasi for
u.s. II one happens 10 be the only lady
In company. Then our husband
makes every species Of conversation
Impossible. He tells the most friEhtful
anecdotes There Is always some point
which he won't say out loud. but he
must whisper II In his neiEhbor's ear
Then the jollity reaches its climax. and
the assembled lords laugh. and Il