Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1900-05-18
THE OLD MAIDS CONVENTION.

For grotesque humor, the farce.
comedy, enacted under the manage
ment of the Church Workers of st.
Johns congregation, Wednesday
night literally "took the cake" 1t is
broad satire on that amiable but
much-abused class of people, the
ladies' who pass through life unen-
numbered by husbands.
The "Old Maids Convention" as
the name indicates. is convocation
OF society organized to catch hus.
bands, and the tableau of the second
scene represents about forty ladies
whose makeup in dress, form and ia
clal expression is intended to repre-
sent spinsters of all ages and condi-
tons of life. The President (Mrs.
Vance in her address, said that it was
organized "forty years ago, by herself
and half dozen other young girls"
to overcome the evident aversion of
that other Iidiculed cla.., the old
bachelors, to matrimony. The acting
Is in accord with this grotesque idea
OF propriety.
Then came upon the scene, in the
second act, Prof. Makeover (Mr. Falk-
nor) and his rejuvenating machine, by
which old maids, by few turns of "A
crank and great clatter of the
property" known in theaters as the
woodcrash,' are transformed into
beautiful children or blithesome
maidens, to the no small qualification
of the Old Maids Society who fairly
fight for succession in the ordeal.
The Professor warns the applicants
that if they, in any instance, misstate
their ages on application, that the
dial OF the machine will infallibly cor
rect and record the fact while in oper-
alton, but this does not in any in
stance deter the applicants for rejuye-
nation from deducting a-third or
half from their true ages. Tie
President declares that she would be
the first to go through the ordeal even
If 1T made her into baby in arms,
and comes out n winsOme maiden of
about six years. Another wanted to
be a Japanese and was transformed
into an olive-hued damsel with fan
and parasol and the gay costume OF
the Gland OF flowers" An old maid
who insisted in taking her dog with
her into the machine, came out i'm the
form of graceful maiden with a
scarf composed of links of bolona.
One old maid wanted to be man,
and the Professor insisted that it
would take two skinny old maids to
make an ordinary man, and two were
therefore hustled into the hopper and
out stepped man (Mr. Kegley) with
a gruesome visage, who sang a melan-
choly song with an agonizing refrain
in minor key, detailing the troubles
of one Mckinley (not the rin-god, by
the way) who
Couldn't drink his coffee
And couldn't drink his tay"
II the old maids experience was in
any manner improved by the meta.
morphosis, it was not in any way
placed in evidence by the luguhrious
countenance and automatic postures
of their evolution. Finally an antique
specimen of the ancient damsel ran
the register beyond the limit, breaking
the machine beyond repair, and a
multitude of expectant patrons be-
came wild with regret and dismay
that their chance of regeneration had
slipped from them while on the verge
OF realization.
Probably the hest feature Of the en-.
tertainment was the skirt dance, by
little Qneenie Burntrager 1t was ex-
ecuted with grace seldom accorded
amateur talent. There was not
mistake in single posture or step,
and her movements were literally the
poetry Of motion" attuned to har-
mony.
The Church Workers are entitled to
congratulations for the success of
their endeavors carried to such a per-
feet realization. under many adverse
circumstances. The public feel
qualification not only in the pleasant
season OF recreation afforded them, but
in the knowledge that it has added
neat sum to worthy object.