The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1900-12-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


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HUMOR OF THE DAY.
| She was not from Chicago.
do not anger me- she said.
| How am to know when you are
| angry?' he asked
4 always stamp my feet she an
He looked down at her dainty shoes.
Impossible he said; there isn't
room for stamp on either of them
That fetched her.-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Witch No. 1T serves her right.
Witch No. 2-Serves who right2
Witch No. 1.-The Witch of Endor- She
discarded her broom for an automobile
last night and was stranded ten miles
from home.-Baltimore American.
Mrs Won Blumer-Deari dear! I drop
ped my diamond ring off my finger this
morning and can't find it anywhere
Won Blumer-It's all right came
across it in one of my trousers pockets
-Harper's Bazaar.
Weary willy-I can't get a good Job.
muml All de good jobs is takenl
Mrs Handout-H'mI And what would
you call a good job?"
Weary Willy-Oh! Any kind Nv a job
OATS taken, mum!-Puck.
Miss Frocks is a pretty summer
.Pretty?" repeated Mr.. Spatts- Miss
Froeks is handsomer than her own pho
tographs- "-EIarper's Bazaar.
well, professor, how do you like my
way of playing music at sight?'
The Wonderfully ?-only the
music must be full of typographical
blunders-Heitere Welt.
Men of my profession are very good
story tellers," remarked the barber.
Yes assented the smarting sufferer
in the chair, 'and they usually illustrate
their stores with cuts.-Tit-Bits
Tigg- There's one good thing about
these college yells
Wigg=What is it?
Tigg-They can't sing those glee songs
while they are yelling.-Baltimor
He was a baggage smasher.
Patient-I'm not afraid to de- doctor,
but do dread being buried alive.
Doctor (cheerfully)-Don't let that
worry you. I'll see that you ain't-Pick-
Me-Up.t
That to be hated needs but to be seen,
Yet when upon US it doth get a cinch,
We scarcely feel discomfort from its
pinch.
Hildred-Tt makes me so mad for
somebody to eat up all the nuts before
soup is served.
Enthusiastically when you were
about to grab for them yourself? 1
agree with you-Boston Transcript.
Mamma-Johnny. I fear you were not
at school yesterday.
Johnny-M'm. iii bet the teacher told
you. A woman can never keep secret.
-Tit-Bits-
Young Stone-I spoke to the chemist
and he advised that should
Doctor Gnterrupting)-Oh, he gave
you some idotic advice, I suppose
Stone-He advised me to see you'll
Tit-Bits.
What makes you look SO unhappy,
little boy?''
Small boy (sobbing)-Nobody never
calls me good unless am adding some
thin 1 don't like to do.-London Tit
Bits.
she-I do believe I would fall dead if
ming.
He-You win have to offer a bigger
bride than that.-Indianapolis Press.
Piled the hen-pecked man. MY wife
only admits that they're our children
when they're bad; when they're good
Press.
what de news FUN Marse William at
de eapital?" asked the colored constitu-
"well, the paper says that he has the
floor .
already 2''-Atlanta Constitution.
Hetty-Lool1ing over the dictionary
again? Evidently you find it intensely
interesting.
Bertha-No, not interesting, but anus
ing. 1t spells words so different from
the way. spell them, you know.-Roston
Transcript.
WinksAwhat advice did the doctor
give you When you went to him this
morning?
Blinks-Hte advised me to go to some
other physician to whom I didn't owe
95--Answers.
MY wife learned French in five
weeks
Does she speak correctly?"
We'll, Professor De Verges says her
French is as good as any spoken in our
nelghborhood. indianapolis Journal
do you like your new cook?"
Oh, yes, haven't worn my silk cape
but once since she came, but, gracioust
I'm not going to bother her about little
thing like that."-Indianapolis Journal.
You seem to have discovered the Sc
cret of keeping a servant girl, Mrs. Hip
Yes Several years ago I found a
maid whom my gowns would exactly fit
and I have had no trouble since Den
yer Times.
A school boy was asked at an exam
ination to give an account of the pa
triarch Abraham. He wrote: HE was
the father of Lot and had two wives.
One was called Ishmale and the other
Hagar- He kept one at home and he
turned the other into the desert, where
she became a pillar of salt in the day
time and pillar of fire by night y
London Jewish World.
Where are you going. my pretty
"Out on my my auto, sir" she said.
May I go with you, my pretty