The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-05-30

he unbuttoned his collar and took off his
cravat, and next his shirt came over his
head. He was about to slide out of his
trousers, when several women shrieked
and he awoke with a start. HIS trousers
were dangling about h s feet as he ran
down the aisle to the vestry. An usher
handed him his cloth Us and he put it on
and went home
An Usage Indian named Laborng
Miles came before Indian Agent poliack
rev days ago for some medicine, re-
iates an Indian territory correspondent.
AS It is rare thing for an Indian TO ask
for white mans medicine the agent
sad: Sick, Laboring?'
sick, heap sick" replied the redskin.
Pretty SICK eh?" continued the agent.
ter a pause. Looked up i'll sky. Saw
big light; saw Jesus and Jesus mother"
The Indian then said his father beck
oned him to come up into the clouds.
''You ought 10 nave gone" advised the
agent. Maybe you won't be called
again.
The Indian shook his head.
Don't you want to go to heaven
asked the agent
Not now said Labor;ng Miles. u
want to Kill one heap ID Indian before
l 60"
Where's your watch?' asked tie OBJ
servant man.
why, here it is replied the man
whose prosperity had slipped cog or
two recently.
But that's silver one The one you
used to carry had handsome gold case.
-er-circumstances alter cases.
you know. "-Philadelphia Press.
-:O:--
Ideal and Real-The man she dreams
about-About 30 years of age, q feet
tail, very dark, very commanding, prince
ly bearing, stylish, flashing white teeth,
athletic, native New Yorker, college
graduate, mOney--nOt considered
The man she marres--Age, 55, under
sized, slightly gray and inclined to bald
ness, upper teeth false, stoop-shouldered,
mustache and whiskers. invalid, Chicago
man, millionaire.-The Iconoclast in
Town Topics.
Missionary WAS it liquor that
brought you to this?" Imprisoned bur-
glar-"No, sir; it was house ceanin'-
spring house cleanin', sir" Missionary
Eth? House cleaning" Burglar
"Yessir; the woman had been house
cleanin', and tn stair carpet was up, an
tn folks heard me.'-New York Weekly.
--.O.--
Two children, one iii Il boys sailor suit.
the other in a little checked wooden
frcck, were accosted by an interested
paSSerby one day. as they played tOgeth-
er on the sidewalk.
Good morning, children" said the
lady, addressing them with a smile. as
she stopped a moment to watch their
game of hop-scotch; "are you brother
and sister, playing SO nicely together.
or, as she saw a somewhat distressed
and aggrieved expression on the face of
the Child in the frock, ARE you both
hoys?"
I'VE aren't relations" replied the 9th
er child. land I'm boy now, and Tom
mys going TO be one next week, when
he gets his new suit"'
-:o:-
A young Irish lad on a market day in
an Irish town was minding Il donkey at
tached to cart, and had his arm round
the neck of the animal. when two recruit
endeavor TO be funny. said: What ara
YOU hugging your brother so tightly for?'
Cause. was. the rejoinder, Il was
afraid he'd list"
Two Tipperary laborers were overhead
discussing the amount of fortune of their
landlord, well-known Irish Judge, who
>
very rich, intirely," said one. He has
a hundred n quarter, maybeT' ''Arrah
60 on wild yer hundred a quarter. said
the other He has a hundred a week
If he has a shillin'.' GLORY to be 'Aven.
do you tell me so?' exclaimed the first
yet as long as he is comm here
While the late James H Beard. father
ar1 no ict
portrait of Zachary Taylor, he said to
him.
We'll, general, suppose you are to be
our next Presdent?''
Il hope not" grunted the bluff old hero,
mo military man has any business in the
presidential chair, but if they offer it to
me, i! suppose I'll be fool enough to ac-
cept it."
And he did-The Argonaut..
"Oh. we had the loveliest arrangement
at our church society last week. Every
woman contributed to the missionary
cause 70, which she earned herself by
hard work. How. did you get yours? 2"
From my husband" Il shouldn't call
that earning it yourself by hard work. .
You don't know my husband"
-:o:-
n, And why did you leave your last
Cook an me had a fallin' out, mem.
Il don't see why you should leave for
little thing like that.
But we fell out o tn third-story win
dow, mem. Elk.
70
\ teacher in the primary department
of village school asked the children to
name the fruit each one liked best
One liked peaches, another pears, a
third grapes, and so On until little fell
low at the foot of the class was reached
Almost every kind of fruit known to
Juvenile mGds had been named two or
three times, but Tommy, with a smack
of his lips, indicated his choice by say
ing, Mashed taters, ma'amr'
A teacher of music in one Of the public
schools of the South desired to impress
the pupils with the meaning of the signs
#" and If in song they were about
to sing. After explaining that ''f" meant
forte, he said: Now, children. if +
means forte, what does if mean?"
Silence reigned for moment, and then
he was astonished to hear bright little