Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-02-01
sroRYErrEs.

AT dinner In RottingdeaA lately, o
Royal Academician stated TO the conn
pany the curious fact that sugar and
sumac are the only two words in Eng
lish where 81 Is pronounced as shu.
There was much interest shown In the
discovery. when Rudyard Kipling was
heard from the other end OF the table:
but. are you quite sureT"
Tho late Harold Frederic once sat
next 70 Cecil Rhodes at dinner Just at
ter tho latter became fim0us, but was
not Introduced. Rhodes was silent.
and kept his rudy face turned down
toward his plate. rWho." said Fred
eric, after dinner, "is that fool that
sat next to at dinner?" Tablear--
modification OF one OF the shrewdest
OF London correspondents.
A member OF one Of the great London
political clubs once lost his umbrella.
and put up notice In the hall re-
questing "the nobleman" who had TAX
EN- 1t TO return 1t when he had done
with 1t. The committee, In due
course, desired to be informed why he
had ascribed It's possession to peer.
The member blandly referred them to
the rule, which said that the club was
composed Of "noblemen and gentlemen"
and added that no gentleman would
have taken his umbrella
Geo. q. Cannon, the Utah statesman.
once attended an irrig tion congress.
Mt which a drowsy delegate read pa
per on artesian wells. which he declar-
ed always brought water except where
they struck rock. He repeated this
al N A he
repetition he defed any one to deny
the proposition, whereupon Cannon
looked up and, in his full, musical
voice, asked: How do you account
for Moses's success?"
Sir Henry Erskine once que'led a riot
On Edinburgh when Mrs, Siddons was
playing to crowded house In the larg-
est theater in the town. surly fell
low In the pit refused TO sit down. and
n howl went up from all around him.
Tho crowd was likely to do him and
the house damage, when Sir Henry
came to the front OF his box with the
Quiet statement: "Pr2y excuse the gem
tleman; don't you see Il Is only tailor
resting himself?" The man sat down
without further urging.
A Russian once told Archbishop Ben
son that he saw In a police court In
Russia priest brought in, in undress
OF purple, and the court, magistrates.
and all, knelt and n police sergeant
kissed his hand. Then, rising. tho
magistrate said: you nasty, drunken
beast, so you were drunk agtin yester-
day. I'll make you remember 1t this
time" The priest was led out TO an
adjoining yard. his clothes torn Off, and
fifty lashes given him; when he was
brought back half-fainting all kuelt
down and received his blessing.
DR.. Westcott, one travelling from Pc
terborough to London, sat In tho car
riage with n comfortable Yorkshire
clergyman, with a long upper lip and q
self-satisfied expression, who bought u
polite of strawberries and ate them
with great enjoyment and comfort.
Then he wiped his fingers and threw
the basket out of the window with
great elaboration. A passenger from
the corner said: "A dangerous thing,
Bir, that is." After n moment's genial
reflection the clergyman looking round.
said with sweet smile: I'VE live.
sir, In world Of risksv
Lady Randolph Churchill has inner
tied tho wit OF her father, Uncle Lar
ry" Jerome. as she demonstrated upon
one occasion to nn eminent British pol
itician. He was somewhat annoyed nc
the campaign she had made, and saidy
~ really don't understand, madam.
why or how Il is that American ladies'
refuse to enter political life In their
own country, but overwhelm us hero
In England" THAT Is because you
have never Travelled In tho states. The
men there are 30 Intelligent and pa-
triotic that they do not require the
services OF our sex as an educating
force"
The pastor Of colored congregation
was warming up to the climax OF his
sermon, and mis- auditors were waxing
more and more excited 81 wahns yer.
o my congregashun" exclaimed the ex-
horter, II wahns yer against de sin nv
crap-shootin'! / wahns yer against de
sin of whisky-drinkin,' an de Gin NV
chicken-raisin,' an ! wahns yer my
breddern, against de sin NV melon
stealingv A devout worshiper In the
rear of the church jumped to his feet
and snapped his fingers excitedly.
''Whuffo' does yer, my brudder, r'ar up
an snap yo' fingers when I speaks NV
| melon-stealin'?" asked the preacher.
"Kaze yo' jes minds me whar I lef'
nah overcoat." replied the devout wor-
shipper as he subsidized into his seat.
Bees are said TO sec an enormous dis
lance. When absent from their hive
they go UP In the air until they see
their home, and then fly toward 1t In a
straight line.
Thomas A. Fdison's first large earn
ings were $4,000. This he got from .
telegraph company for the model of the
now famous ticker" for which he had
intended to ask 5000.
In South Africa the warmest month
is February and the coolest Is July.
The temperature 10 not as trying 40
that Of central Europe. The rainfall
for the year is light, varying from FIVE
to twenty inches.
Captain Sigsbee. who was on the
Maine when 1t WIS blown up, but es-
capped injury, and then went through
the war with Spain without receiving a
scratch, has been knocked out by a
Brooklyn trolley car.
London has a Joke on RI yard Kip
ling. A Zulu baby was ~ 500 born
In the kraal, about which there mas
been much scandal. They promptly
named It M. Fokasana T. Kohlaio.
which the interpreter has sworn means
The Abesent-Minded Begglr."
Artificial Sight.