Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-12-13
THE WORMS TURNED.
Morals For Wives Who Use Old Clubs
on Their Husbands.

1t was toward the wane of the treacle
moon and the first week in which she was
trying to do the housework on account of
that which comes sooner or later in all
homes-the sudden leaving of the serv-
ant. The breakfast was late and not
quite up to the recipes furnished by his
maternal ancestor. In an unguarded mo-
ment the young wife remarked to her
husband that he had got up on the wrong
side of the bed.
1t was a very old way Of calling him
down. He had heard it many a time
when his father had neglected to hand
out a bouquet because there was more
-four than Goldfish in the favorite morning
dish. For a moment the young husband
looked at the dregs which floatcd on top
of his coffee, and then the boast that he
had made to his mother that no woman
should ever boss him returned. And he
spoke as follows-to wit:
'It is quite likely that the chestnut.
which you have flung with a wonan's
uncertainty, is truer than you are willing
TO confess. Since you have been making
the beds for the past week | have no.
ticed that the section of the bed which
you call the wrong side, the same being
that upon which | am supposed to wrap
what little drapery / get at night, has
been unmade. The mattress hangs down,
and the coverlets are as gnarlcd as the
vine under which, in a thoughtless mo-
ment, l offered you my hand, my name,
my fortune. 1t is a wrong side, as you
have denominated it, and in getting out
Of it, after hanging to it all night, | con-
fess that some of the angelic nature
which | inherited from the only perfect
woman ever knew has taken flight"
The glassware on the sideboard danced,
and the dear old motto, God Bless Our
Home" worked by a grandmother of the
good old days, whose fingers have long
been at rest fell from its hanging.
The moral Of this, the first swapping
Of the chords which bound two loving
hearts, is that every young wife should
use a new club on her husband.
z. S.-The old wife might do likewise
to her great comfort if she would.
"You may not be conscious of it," re-
marked another wife whose husband had
not bestowed upon the jelly which her
mother had sent, c. 0. D., as many
compliments as he formerly put in his
letters before they were yoked, but l
must say you are becoming a crank"
He looked at his watch and saw that
he had 40 minutes to make the next ex-
press. Replacing the chronometer, a
present from his father on his wedding
day, he fixed up the following choice bit
Of language:
"a crank! / suppose you think you
have fred the fatal arrow. But you
haven't. You have simply thrown a
doughnut dipped in honey. You have
admitted that l am bright, happy: that
l am a scintilation; that l am a bonmot;
that | am a jeu d'esprit; that i am
smart, jocular, jocose, epigrammatic,
sparkling, full of point, etc, ad intinitum.
My compliments, madam" Then he was
gone.
Later she was looking over his library.
She turned to the word in one of his
books AS she looked over the list of
synonyms she bit her lip. Then she
looked at the fly leaf and found this in
scription, in her own handwriting:
This thesaurus presented to my hus-
band on the first anniversary of our mar
riage."
The point of this is, Don't give your
husband ointment which contains a fly
New York Sun.