Devils Lake inter-ocean. (Devils Lake, Ramsey Co., Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1905, 1900-03-30
MR.. EPIZOOT WILKINS.

|. L. X
he Deeply Regrets to Announce That
ssthe Dimicratic Movement tn Aid
Aguinaldoo Hes Totally Collapst
and BustiA beyond Repare.'
BURo Nv INFERNAsHUN,
WASHINGTON. D. q.
iT1 the Edltur:
/ deeply regret tn Announces Gen
eral Butler commences hiz dispatches
frum South Africa-thet our Fillipeeno
campane. witch wuz organized ez 81
Dimicratic movement tu aid Aguinal-
doc. hez totally collapst. It Il bustid
beyond repare, and not even our few
Republican allies in Massachusetts
and the Yoonited Stats semitic kin put
life and activity intu it agin. 1t hez
caused mulch bitter feelin around these
Dimicratic headquarters, and we air
now tryin tn find out hoo it wuz tibet
hez bunkoed US and made us appeer 80
ridiculus befoar the kountry.
We started in tn help the Fillipee-.
noze, but we made an orfui mistake In
sizin up Aguinaldoo. ! did. miself. wen
I opened correspondence with him and
onloaded our hopes and feers in sum
conddenshal letters wich her aIreddy
bin publtsht. Frum whut the Repub-
likin insurgents he'd sed, I wuz led tn
believe tibet Mr.. Aguinaldoo. hoo wuz
% nimbly dodgin the representatives
Nv this government among the mud and
insecks nv hiz native laRd, wuz q crate
man hoo wood eventooally establish q
Fourth Nv Jooly and pan out a bigger
man than Old Washington wen he rip
I ped things up the back In this kountry
Ter the instrucshun nv Englishmen:s
Actin upon this theory the Dimicratic
party conclooded tn boost him up high
er than etinybuddy he'd befoar. and
we soon he'd our stump speakers and
newspapers filed with hiz praises.
Our members Nv kongress talked about
him, and q few ministers prayed fer
him at the hen convenshuns, and the
oldslnaIds hSped heaswoodn't fergft EN-
wen he needed sum NEAR wives. Door
In the bite Nv orr carnpane. In his be-
han II sum observiu furriner he'd cum
here he wood hev thort thet Aguinai-
doc wux the whole sho frum the way
We blowed hiz horn fer him. Sum nv
our good and reliable Dimicrats hev
grately admired him because he wux
frstn Oh such lofty sentiments about
the Goddess nv Liberty and uther VIM
min. and sum Nv the old standbys air
In faver nv putin him, on the ticket
with Androo Jackson next fall
Hevin set the idee adoat tibet he
wuz a man several sizes larger then
en%nybuddy we Good prodooce amung
our own Amerikin STATESMEN, 1t IL ex-
treemly mortifyin tn find tibet he amt
mulch above the ordinary Dimicrat.
He hez crooelly deceived us bi not
lickin the Amerikin army, ez he sed he
wood, and he hez thereby forfeited the
respeck Nv hiz Dimicratic slmpathizers
in this kountry.s IL he had drove Ad-
miral Dewey away frum Manila. or
gobbled up the land forces. or ever
hauled General Otis away frum his
desk, we coed hev overlooked sun NV
. . hiz uther failins: hut I'll be driven
frum IL place tn anuther. and hev hiz
line Nv communicashun with these
headquarters cut. and 'hev his wife's
clothes captured-and perhaps washed
stamps him ez an inferiur general hooze
craftsmanship amt up tn whut we
thort it wuz. We hev bin Embossed
at every turn. All the soljers and their
relativs were agin us. and we wuz put
in the onpatriotic attiteod Nv givin aid
and cumfert tn the armed enemies NV
the kountry. We didn't exactly meen
tn du thet, but the onscroopoolus Re.
publikin noozepapers sed we did. and
the people seemed tn vote ez If tina be
leeved EN-. I wiz moar than surprized
tn git q letter, last week, frum Old
Deekin Burlap. hoo lives in Moo Ger
sey only q few miles frum mi owl
farm at Applejack. He IL a horny
listed farmer and never voted emmy.
thing but the Dimicratic ticket, and
never knowed thare wuz emmy uthel
1OASAA AoSS A>OSCL4OClS WELL ~ lA0 6U1
prize Nv everybody, he went tn the
poles and voted the strate. Republican
ticket. I rote tn him tn kno whut II
ment, and after findin sumbuddy II
read mi letter he he'd it ansered, anG
; Fsined hiz cross mark and sent it tn me
He sed. hiz 2 sons wuz in the Ffllipeeni
atein fer their kountry. wen tina warm
brushin ava flies and ~muskeeters, ant
he hoped these few lines wood find me-
the same. He sed he he'd alwaze voted
the Dimicratic ticket e. often ez thu
elecshun officers wood let him. took hi
applejack strate, and hoped tu hev tn,
oppertoonity NV votin fer AHdroo Jack
son jest once moar befoar he KICKED
the bucket. ontl he heerd thet the Dim
icratic party wuz sidein in with tn,
Fi~llipeenoze, who wuz waitin fer +,
chance tn plunk hiz boys. Tibet, b.
sed, wuz the last camel tibet broke hi.
back, and he'd be gosh hanged If h
woodn't vote the Republikip ticket t,
prevent em frum doin it. Then b
! went on. in the letter wich sumbudd,
III he'd writ fer him. tn abuse me. and II