The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1900-01-22

explaining the excellent qualities OF a
certain brand of perfume.
The young lady was laxative, and
the Topeka man chatted with her for
several minutes. She sprayed him from
head to foot with the wonderful per-
furne she was selling, and gave him a
sample bottle to take home to his wife.
That evening the man attended a SOU
Ven1r performance at a theater where
photographs of the leading lady were
given to all who attended. When he
returned to his hotel he dropped the
bottle of perfume and the photograph
in his valise and thought nothing more
about it. He returned home the next
day.
why" he heard his wife scream
when she opened his valise.
What's the matter, dear?" he asked.
Dear; don't dear me- You wretch
Where did you get that bottle of per-
zen faced creature? And" she shifted
the air your clothes are saturated
with perfume. Answer me-
Why, they were given to me"
then he caught himself He knew his
wife was Jealous. He was about to say
that the perfume was given him by a
young lady, but that would not do.
by whom? That is what I want to
know" and his wife stamped her foot.
So far he has been unable to salts
factorily explain. He has been dill
gently carrying in coal, splitting kind
ling and has even hired an extra
WaSneIWOiQdn, DuL all TO no purpose
1t is impossible for him to properly ex-
plain. He will go to Kansas City no
more.
A good story is told on a Santa Fe
engineer who runs out of Topeka He
has been accused of being absent
minded, and he now pleads guilty.
He wandered up town one evening,
while waiting to be called to take an
extra freight to Argentine. He knew
he al n a
turned the corner at Fifth street and
Kansas avenue. There was a crowd
listening to a Salvation Army lassie
who was holding a curbstone revival.
My friends" said the girl, you
should get right with God. Those of
you who have felt the Divine touch
know that you are going to Heaven.
Those of you who have not embraced
the great truth do not know where you
are going. But you are still waiting
And what are you waiting for? For the
devil or the Lord?"
The speaker paused and pointing to
the engineer, said: MY friend, who are
you waiting for?"
why. I'm waiting for the call boy,''
said the engineer.
But where do you expect to go?"
Il guess I'll go to Argentine was
the reply. and the engineer had no
idea what the people were laughing
about.
"A a
about q liquor case that was tried in
Kansas-in what town it matters not.
notorious jointist was arrested for
selling liquor contrary to the prohib-
itory law. The complaining witness
swore that he bought a bottle of beer,
paid % cents for it, drank it in the
joint and went out. He identified the
accused as the man who sold it to him.
roborated by two or three witnesses
who had been in the joint when the sale
was made. The defense offered little
or no evidence to prove the jointist not
guilty. The jury was out about 10 min
utes and returned a verdict of not
guilty.
How in the world did you reach
that verdict?" asked a lawyer of the
foreman.
Because we all voted that way"
said the foreman.
But you had the evidence to show
that the man paid the jointist rs cents
for bottle of beer"
Yes"
well. then, why did you not find
him guilty?"
Because we had no evidence to show
that the inintist did not give the 25
cents back to MIN"
Some years ago a Topeka lawyer fixed
up a great scheme to gain possession of
a hack, upon which he held a mort
gage, without having to pay the neees-
sary expenses of the preliminary steps
in a Justice court.
He arranged with constable to go
with him to a depot and when the train
came in the lawyer was to walk brisk
ly around the corner as if he had just
come to town. He would meet the con-
stable, greet him as if the meeting was
entirely unexpected and ask him to ride
up town with him in a hack The hack
would be the one the lawyer wished to
secure possession of. When the law
yer's office was reached the constable
was to unhitch the horses, while the
lawyer was paying the fare. and take
possession of the vehicle. All worked
smoothly. The lawyer met the officer
and they rode across the river in the
hack. While the lawyer was paying the
driver he nodded to the constable. The
officer seemed slow. The lawyer de-
layed payment as long as he could.
Still the constable did nothing. The
payment was made, the driver sprang
to his seat and picked up the lines
What will we do?" shouted the
lawyer to the officer.
Get inside" was the reply. The
lawyer got in but the officer stood there
on the sidewalk
The hackman drove rapidly across
| the river and stopped at the depot
| where he had started from.
TIL not charge you for this ride
he explained as he opened the door.
why didn't you take possession of
had walked across the river and hunted
up the officer.
why, 1t just occurred to me I had
no official papers, said the officer who
| had no intention Of taking possession of
/ the hack.
| A party of Topeka's congenial fellows
| met for the purpose of spending the
/ night over a chafing dish. Cards and
cigars were to fill up the rest of the
| time.
/ Along toward time for the cocks
shrill clarion the little party had reach
i cd oct r-7n n z-r1T-
| licking lot of fellows. The talk drifted
to the two wars now in progress. Each
one had his views but all agreed that
| they would like to be on the firing line
| either in South Africa or in the Phil
| ippines.
4 would do something that would
| bring my name before the people if I
| died for it, said one.