The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-08-04

r-runnin' me little liquor store an pr
l,aps raisin' a family in tn town i,
Koochoo. I don't like foreigners there
amy more than | do here. Along
comes a baldheaded man with CHR
whiskers from Baraboo, Wisconsin, an
says he: 'Benighted an haythen Doc,
ley,' says he, we have no Cod he says
! have, says l. I have lot iv thin,
says l. 'Ye ar're an oncultivated an
foul creathure,' he says. I have come
six thousan miles f'r to hist we from tn
mire iv ignorance an ir-religion III
which we live to TIL lofty plane iv Bara-
boo, he says. An he sets down on an
aisy chair an his wife an her friends
come in an they inthrojooce Mrs. Doc
ley to TIL modern Improvements iv til
corset an tn hat with the blue bur-rd
onto it, an put shame into her because
she hasn't let her feet grow We'll,
says l, look here, me good fellow
says. Me an me people have occupied
these here primises FIR nanny years. l
says an here we mean to stay says
l. Were dom the best we can in tn
matther iv GODS 1 says. we have
thin cast at frst-rate foundhry,'
says, an we sand-paper thin ivry
week. says I.
9TH mex day in comes man with a
suit iv clothes that looks like table
cloth in section house, an says he:
Poor, ignorant haytl1en, he says, what
manner iv food dye ate? he says.
Rice l says, AN rats says, is me
fav'rite dish,' says. 'Deluded wretch,
says he. I riprisent Chicago can beef
company, wild branch offuses in Cuby,'
says he, an I'm here to make ye change
ye'er dite,' he says. 'Hinceforth Yell
ate tn canned roast beef iv merry OF
stockyards or I'll have file iv sojers in
to fill we full iv ondygistible lead,' he
says. An aftller him comes tn man
with Aunt Miranda's Pancakes an
Flaked Bran an ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
cat-a-biscuit, an other representatives iv
Westhcrn Civilization, an I'm to be
shot ii l don't take thin all.
Thin la-ad comes down with a
chain an small glass on three sticks
an gang iv section men that answers
to the name iv Casey, an proceeds f'r
to put down a railroad. What's this
f'r" says l. we ar-re the advance
guard iv Westhern Civilization he says,
an we're goin' to give ye railroad so
ye can go swiftly to places that we don't
want to sce,' he says. "A country that
has no railroads is beneath contimpt,
he says. Casey he says, Stretch tn
chain acrost yon graveyard he says.
l am fr to put thrack just before
that large tombstone marked Riquiescat
in Pace, James II. Chung -a-lung,' he
says. But says I, we will disturb pah's
bones, says l, if we go layin' ties
says. Yell be mixin' up me OF man
with til Cassidys in TIL mex lot that
says, he niver spoke to save in anger in
his life, says. 'Ye'rc an ancestor wor-
shipper, haythen,' says tn la-ad, an he
goes on to lamp TIL mounds in tn cimi-
try an ballast tn tl1rack with TIL re-
mains iv tn deceased.
can afther he's got through along
comes a Frinchman, an an English
man, an Roosllan, an Dutclman,
an says wan iv thin: This is a COM
[ortablc-lookin' saloon, says he. I'll
take til bar, we take TIL ice-box an tn
r-rcst iv the fixtures What FRI says
L; I've paid tn rint an the license
says 1. 'Nivcr mind says he, we're
tn REPRESENTATIVES iv Westlern Civiliza-
ton, he says, AN it's TIL business iv
Westlcrn Civilization to cut tip tn be-
longings iv Eastern Civilization he
says. BE off, he says, or I'll pull yc'er
hair he says. Well says l, this thing
has gone far enough I says. I've
llecrd me good Of castiron gods or jos
ses abused says, AN I've been packed
full iv canned goods an tn Picking
lightnin' express is r-runnin' straight
TIL lot where tn bones Nv me
lies, says. I've sthud it all,
I says, but whin we come here to
bounce ME off iv me own primises,' !
says, I'll have to take tn leg iv tn
chair to yc,' l says. An we're to TIL
flure. ....
"Tlat's TIL way it stands in Chiny,
Hinnissy, an it looks to me as though
Wcsthcrn Civilization was in f'r a
bump"