Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1900-06-16
The Old Maids Convention.

Last trld9y evening the opera mouse
was crowded with an audience that ap
preciated the entertainment given by
home talent artists as was shown by the
applause and encore. The attraction
was tho sidesplitting farce, "The Old
Maids Convention" given by the
Ladies Aid Society of the Congregation.
al church.
The convention was one of the great
est aggregation of females of question.
able ages that ever made their appear
ance in Custer, and had the census
enumerator been present with his book
we think he would have put on base
ball mask before asking any questions.
Space forbids us making mention Of
every character as we .woul like to do,
but we can give only small outline for
the benefit Of those who could not get
seats,
II seems that the Old Maids conven-
ton was organized for the purpose Of
sitting out the best method Of getting
husbands. The reports that came in
from different members giving the ideas
was certainly very laughable. Mrs d.
w. McFadden acted the part of presi-
dent in her stately (old maid) style.
Mrs. Geo. c. Dickinson as Amarillo
Haywood kept the records, and had the
names ofseyeral we'll known bachelors
on her list.
Mrs. s. n. Fitch kept what money tho
convention had not spent for face pow
der and candy kisses.
Mrs. b. r. Wood took the audience
from their chairs with her song "The
Maiden's Prayer" The song was not
one Of the latest compositions but it had
just as good an effect as if it was not yet
ready for publication.
Ben Reid as one of the cold girls"
read the market report. and found sew
eral ol bachelors wanting, or waiting
for little higher bidder.
One of The maids reported that she
had made arrangement with one Prof
Pinkerton to be present and try his new
invention of the X. Y. u. rays, used in
connection with an elixir would change
an old maid back to anything she might
desire. The Prof. was finally ushered
in and started his glorious work, with
his transform )er The first old maid
that went through came out as beautiful
as could be asked for and rendered a
solo which was much appreciated by the
audience. The next to go through ask
ed to be made into little school girl
and be able to speak pieces. This was
done, and the fine rendition of "The
Gobln's will get you, If you don't watch
out" by wee small girl was the result.
Next came Mis-. Hanley who wished
to be real brunette. This puzzled the
Prof. to some extent for fear he might
not get her dark enough. He gave her
nearly all the Elixir he had and run her
through the transform(h)er. When tn G
box was opened out stepped the ideal
"Topsy" which showed that the Prof
bad g!yeh toe much Elixir. Topsy gave
a song and dance and said ehe was salts.
fed just as she was.
The Prof. tried several more expert.
ments which worked we'll until one old
maid wanted to be a man. The Prof
told her that il would take two of her
kind to make man, and to his astonish.
ment she got another to 60 with her
They were turned through and there
was only enough to make small boy.
Miss Anna Kimble was turned back
several years of her long life, and got
back to the age where she gave one OF
her much appreciated readings.
Two old maids were made oyer at
once. the result being twins. The twins
gave very pretty dance and were seat
ed by the older girls. The last old maid
was more than the machine would
8 and and all that was left to tell the story
Of this one was few pieces wearing sppa-
rel which came out of the hopper Of the
machine. This Of course broke up the
show and everyone went home feeling
that they had had their moneys worth.
The entertainment was given for the
| benefit Of the Congregational church,
and the funds will be applied towards
liquidating the debt Of the society. The
| uroaa racai pto omcunfad IN $50 IN