The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1900-03-01
NA.JOR O1I:
HUMOROUS SPEECH.
CONTINUED from FIRST ,Page.)

CONTINUED from First tPage.)
I had not happened to have heard that
there was an old man obscure and un-5
known down in Virginia by the name Of
Madison, believe. who wrote 1t, and
also heard that there was an old IN
known man by the name Of Marshall.
who e1pounded 1t, why, worid have
thought from the argument of the gen-z
stleman that there WASH t such a thing IN
existence as the Constitution. = would
also have thought that Jefferson ana
Marshall and Madison and Monroe ana
Webster were p:gmies by the side . OF
the statesman from Pennsylvania.
Oaughter.)
My friends, it reminds me very mucn
of an old tramp that was walking along
the road and wanted some water. NOW,
mark YOU the gentleman from Pennsyl-#
vania would scorn an Interruption from
benighted Democrat. don't want
to be Interrupted" SO when We tried
to get nlghtenment he wouldn't give it
to u.s. This tramp walked UP to a well
where a lady stood. and she said: on
seem tired. Won't you have some wa
ter?" Said the tramp: won't be in
terrupted; am going to the Well to
draw it for myself" He went to the
well and pumped and pumped, and no
water came. Finally he, said: my lady,
ism there any water in the well?" "Oh,
YES, plenty. of water" He commenced
to pump and pump and pump until finally
he got no water, and he said: Isn't
there any water in the wel?' "Yes.''
said She What is the reason I can't
get IL out?' said he. Because, said
She ''the sucker is at the wrong end CT
the pump. Laushter) The gentleman
from Pennsylvania (A1r Dalaelrs) trou-
BILE was that the sucker was at the
wrong end of the pump. daughter and
applause.)
DON'T APPLAUD.
Gentlemen, do not take up my time
by applause. have only five minutes
now. Now. my friends, we have got
a gentleman from Kansas who made q
speech on this subject He drew his In
SEPARATION and wisdom from the River
Solomon, on which his hpg ranch is To-
Gated. 50 his biographer says. daughter
on the Democratic side.) He was brill
liant, he told good, stories. he is a reader,
and he read his story, by the way, and
he heard a story about Champ Clark.
His stories are always as clean as
Kansas day during a northwest biz
zard, pointed as a steam hammer. and
they We're just as translucent as a block
of granite and as dark as the midnight
in the stomach of billy goat. Q.augh-
lel.J ANoNp IlS llItHdS, WidI 1iN ~
say about Champ Clark; he told
STORY all side-splitting to himself.
want to say to him that if Champ Clark
had been here-and I want to warn him
that Champ is here now-that if he gets
a chance at him he will give him a dose
of a Kansas pill
Champ will give him a Kansas pill.
which means that he will make him
swallow Kansas srasshopper back
wards which will knock all the intel
lectual stuffing out of him in two sec
onds. Oaughter.)
Now. here we come to the deep-mouth-
ed Cannon, of Illinois, with his ponder
Gus report, and he pounds his friends
on his right and his enemies on his left.
and he pounds his desk in front of him
and kicks his chair behind him. Qaugh-
ter.) And. so, Mr. Chairman, my friend.
always polite and smiling, ends his per-
Grafton thus:
I am not laboring under the perpetual
enjoyment of the rascally immunity OF
utter political incompetency, and my
outward manifestation of my inward
feeling of an alloverishness will not
permit me to he hetrogeneously bam-
boozlcd by the uEsophisticated audacity
of any Democrat. Great applause and
laughter) !