The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-10-21
SMART SHORT STORIES.

A party of Americans were sitting on
the upper deck of a Rhine river boat,
enjoying the charming scenery. One was
readlng aloud from guide book about
the various castles as they came into
view. Just as the boat was passing one
of the finest old buildings, a woman In
the party exclaimed to her companions:
Why, that old castle is inha bited See,
there are blinds at the windows" NO."
said man standing by her side, chose
are the shades of their ancestors
Thomas Wilson, of Washington. was
once arguing a case of some Importance
in the United States Supreme court.
and was dwelling upon propositions that
We're known to and accepted by every
law student in the country, when he
was interrupted by the late Justice Mil
Ter saying: Can not the counsel safe
BY assume that this court unders tands
the fudinientS of law" II made that
mistake Ia the lower court retorted
Mr. Wilson Tor this case would not
have been here OH appeal
Only once did Mark Twain appear in
public as political speaker, and that
was In the presidential campaign of 1885,
While visiting III Elnira, N. Y, in the
fall of that year. he made short speech
Introducing to a Republican meeting Gen
u
his remarks, Twain said: Gen Hawley
is member of my church in Hartford.
and the author of Beautiful Snow
Maybe he will deny that, but am only
here to give him a eharacter from his
last place AS pure citizen I respect
him, as a personal friend of years,
have the wafnest regard for him, as a
neighbor whose vegetable garden adj
joins mine, why-why I watch him. AS
~
added a new pang to winter He is
Square, true man in honest politics, and
l must say he occupies a mighty lone
some position. So broad, so bountffuI is
his character that he never turned a
tramp empty handed from the door. but
always gave him a letter of introduction
to me. Pure, honest, incorruptible, that
is Joe Hawley Such a man in politics
is like a bottle of perfumery in a glue
faetory-ft may moderate the stencil, but
it doesn't destroy it. I haven't said any
more of him than L would say of myself
Ladies ana gentlemen, this is Gen. Haw-
ley
Years ago Maj. Patterson was travelling
on the railroad through Western Kansas,
when he fell into conversation with
congenial st. Louis man, who remarked
that he had an excellent scheme for hid
ing his money. Il simply put it under
the sweatband of my hat" he said,
and no robber in the world would ever
think of looking there for cash. With
that he pulled off his hat and showed
where he had $3.50 planted as he de-
scribed About an hour later the train
was suddenl halted while it was turn
ing a lonely ravine, and in few mo
ments masked man entered the car,
and began to Systematically loot the
passengers, while two other robbers
kept them covered with shot guns from
the doors. When the fellow reached him,
the major looked up coolly and declared
he had less than dollar in his pocket
Now, If you'll leave me that and my
watch he said. I'll tell you some
thing worth knowing: That fellow in the
next seat has $3.50 under the sweatband-
of his hat" "All right" said the robber
keep your watch and chicken feed"
and he proceeded to confiscate the other
passenger s cash. When the agony was
all over, and the marauders had depart
ed, the St. Louis man turned around
bursting with rage and Indignation
THAT was dirty, low down trick he
roared, "and I'm going to hold you ac-
countable for every cent of my money!"
81 expected you to, my FRIEND replied
the major, quietly" ''and here is the
amount. You see" he added ST happen
TO be a paymaster in the United States
army, and | have matter of $40 900 In
this valise by my feet. Under the cir
cumstances ! felt justified in Temporal
lily sacrificing your little $3.50 to divert at
tention. I shall charge it up to the gov
efament as extra expense in tranSporta-
lion of funds.