El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1900-01-22
CUPID WITH A
WOODEN HAND
How a Bachelor Outwitted His
Sister and Got Married.

100000 ~O1SOSoHO@o1Cs
In his youth my Uncle David, accord
ing to my mother, was flower OF
beauty He may have been, but when
he came to live with US he had faded
and was short, thick man of 90, with
scorched eyes, the whites being streak
ed yellowish brown. knotty face and
q wooden hand strapped to his right
wrist But as he had done well on
the sea. he was still beautiful. AS
was his heir presumptive, L was like
wise assistant custodian of him, for
NV mother was ever one to guard her
treasures.
Ny duty was to go abroad with him
and see to it that no woman had
private conversation with him, my in
structions being, if they endeavored to
do so, to hurry him home, resorting.
If necessary, to pretended cramps. Il
sickness to which l was prediSposea.
And my office was not an easy one.
for he had in his day been quite a
blade and had never lost his edge, and
the vigilance 1 had to exercise to keep
him from harm would have saved a
congregation of ordinary sinners. He
would always wink his scorched eyes
at the girls we met and occasionally
stop to speak with them, despite my
Juggling at his coat and having cramps
All his transgressions l would report
at home, and my mother would then
blacken the characters of the young la
dies in question to a degree that satan
himself would not have associated
with them without wearing an amulet.
By these and similar means we saved
him forY a year, and might have saved
him to the day of his death had / not
been taken down with my first love
affair and become correspondingly
mushy How true 1t is that lovers are
the tenpins of the gods! Being mushy.
fell to plying his isolation from femi-
nine charms and was thereby led. on
the 18th of a February, to sending him
valentines pair of plump red
hearts spitted on a golden arrow. 1t l
duly posted. and later it was delivered
to him. That evening, being Wednes-
day, my mother went, as was her i'll
violate custom, to prayer meeting, leav-
ing me on guard. AS the door closed
behind her, Uncle David got out of his
chair and went to the window.
"She's aboard he said, peering out.
'sThere's light on her port side"
"a what?' said 1 knowing 1 must
report the remark.
He made no reply, but came back to
his chair.
"Bennie," he said presently, did you
ever get a valentinet
mo. sir" said l family. Did your
He did not answer.
do you know when you are going to
wear a watch?" he asked suddenly.
was going to say when he died, but
thought better of it.
81 do" he went on; tomorrow. II
is in my chest. 1t doesn't go, but when
you want to know the time you can run
home and find OUT
"Of course 1 exclaimed joyfully
"Why not?'
Answer yourself" he said. 'TO
morrow it is yours. Tonight we are
going out. Fetch me my feathers"
L got between him and the door.
"Come to Think he said, eying me
sharply, 1.-The watch does go, and there
is a chain to it,
Eve got only an apple. What would
she have done for watch? Without &
word L brought him his best suit
which he always spoke of as his
feathers, from the press in my moth
er's room and where she was keeping
it against his funeral.
"You can't get them on" l sale
hopefully, noting their size.
NO more have 1 for 80 years." ht
answered, but / can pull in. If vol
hear me ripping, look sharp and turf
me the other way. There is charm
to the chain
He shouldn't have mentioned the
CHARM for the rapidity with which
got him into his clothing damaged his
wind, but when l had him crowded
into them he looked fine, barrin:
alarming symptoms of suddenly com
ing out of them at all points. A
soon as he was dressed we started
taking along his great coat, to be uset
in case of accident.
A square down the street we stop
ned Then my heart beat comfortably
1t was Miss Hannah BaXter'S house
and | did not consider Miss Hannal
at all dangerous, she being my moth
er's bosom friend and with reputa
tfon as man hater, having once j
Dublic meeting prayed for the savin
of men. whom she designated as dc
throned devils. In response to IN
uncIe's knock, Miss Hannah opene
the door.
.sThe Lord save us!' she exclaime
Inbospitably rs it you"
ut is" said my uncle, swapping 70