Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-10-25

he casts at high noon would hardly COW
er wooden toothpick. He was given q
, redhot greeting, but he had scarcely be-
gun to speak when it seemed as if his
hearers became suspicious of him. He
touched lightly upon the creation of the
world, the discovery of America and the
landing of the pilgrim fathers in order TO
feel of the audience, and then he started
off with:
'My pore an innercent hearted fren's,
/ am heah to tell yo' dat while yo' sit
heah eatin watermillyon an chawing har-
vest apples an peanuts an enemy am
creepin up to stab yo' in de back. 4
few faint cheers for the enemy.l A cloud
of danger hangs ober yo' Yo' am stand
, in on de aige of yawnin chasm. While
yo' sit heah in contentment fate am dig
gin yor graves. Shudders and shivers.
/ got heah three days late, an it may be
impossible to save yo', but l am gwine to
do my best. If | can't save yo', I'll die
wild yO'. [Cries Of What's the mat
ter?'l While yo' hev bin gwine along
in peace an contentment de enemy has
bin hard at work Fearful of de triumph
of dis Possum party. de Republicans an
Democrats hev formed a combinashun an
NllltiNd AhlO a NpiHp w NSANae ~ ~
any cost. Meetin's hev bin held, plans
hev bin laid, an yo' am almost in de trap.
Let dar be silence in de hall while l tell
yo' dat de plan am to round up cherry
black man, woman an chile in dis ken
try an send 'em ober to Africa. Old an
young must 20. Not one am to be left
behind De clubs to knock us on de
head, de ropes to tie us an de ships to
al- 1a,- Ii .a1
[Groans and shivers. At one fell sweep,
an wild satanic malignity, we am to be
swept off de face of de American CONT
nent an dumped upon de shores of Afri-
ca to perish of sorrer an starvashun."
At this juncture the audience arose in
the greatest excitement. Some cheered,
others Kissed, and there was a mingling Of
groans. catcals and demands for further
information. Brother Gardner sent word
to the orator to come off the perch, but the
request was unheeded. When his voice
could be heard again, the judge contin-
ued:
"Am dar way to escape from dis i'm
pendin calamity? Yes, dar am, but it
must be tooken advantage of widin de
next ten minutes or yo' am lost fo'eber.
Dis Possum party must nominate pres
idential candidate. [Cheers for Brother
Gardner. He must be a man who kin
bluff de Republicans an skeer de Demo
Gratis. More cheers.l He must face
desc conspirators wild a sword in one
hand an de constitution in de odder an
put dem to flight. Hev yo' such a man?
["Yes, yes! Hooray TO Brother Gard
nern'l Yes, yo' hev sich man. | am de
one. | nominate myself as yo' candidate.
Wild me at de head of dis party
The hall was in an uproar, and for
three or four minutes it looked as il the
old building would be wrecked. Way
down Bebee and Samuel Shin closed in
on the speaker and hauled him off the
platform and chucked him down the alley
stairs, and his place was taken by the
Hon. Catalepsy Green. Two weeks ago
this gentleman made a ringing speech
in favor of higher tariff on coonskins
and offered to yield up his life for the
benefit of the Possumites. The uproar
ceased as he came forward and began:
my fren's, | neber thought to lib to
witness sich a spectacle as has bin pre-
sented to us dis eavenin, but no political
party am safe from demagogues an aspi-
rants. / don't believe in no sich conspir-
acy as we hev heard of, I"No now1
De hull world would riz up ag'in it. |
hev duty to perform, howeber. | must
tell yo' dat hab every reason to believe
dat boat de white mems parties hev COM
bined ag'in us an dat onless we go ober
TO one or t'other dar am plan to inter-
duce de germs of cholera among US an
weed us off de face Of &c airth. Groans
and Kisses and shouto Of Indignation
While concealed in a hogpen at midnight
in de state of Ohio ] Overheard huff to
satis@5 me dat dis will be done, an
darf1' offer myself as a representative Of
de Possum party to turn it ober 10 de Re-
publicans."
With a yell and whOOp every man
in the audience started to his feet, and
within the next five seconds Catalepsy
Green was hit by $50 separate and dis
tinct pieces of watermelon rinds. As he
retrcated to the rear of the stage he was
seized and booted down the alley stairs,
and his place was taken by Colonel
Cadaver White The colonel has been
acting as chairman Of the committee on
lemonade and kerosene, and his rating
US a pure and unselfish patriot has been
Al. He was enthusiastically greeted,
and with a benign smile he started off
with:
II do not believe dar am a conspiracy
to send us all off to Afriky, nor do ! be-
lieve dat we am to be swept into yawnil
graves by de cholera. L''lt's all lien'l
i do not believe dat we am called upon
to nominate Jedge Cabiff as our candi,
date, an no power kin make me consent
10 be turned ober to de Republican party
through de hands Of Catalepsy Green.
Enthusiastic applause ! do not be,
lieve DER stories. but | tell yO' what |
do believe an what yo' must take steps
at once to guard ag'in. While ! was in
Jail in New Jersey two weeks ago | ober.
heard two men talkin. | got it straight
as a string dat if we didn't hitch up wild
de Democratic party de hull watermill-
Won cron would be nizened wild arsenic