davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

The New York sun presents the fol-
lowing transactions OF some new French
jokes:
Calino was stopped in the street by an
elegant looking gentleman who asked him
the way to-weu. 70 Baxter street.
straight ahead" said the sage. "a g.
the third street 20 your right" The gem
tleman thanked him. both raised ihrfr
hats and started, each on his route. sud
denly Caiino turned around and shouted;
Hey! II you are left-handed. turn the
other way! SeeT'
An American speaking to a member
OF the League Against the Abuse OF To-
hacco declared that a Chicago millionaire
VINO died recently used 20 smoke three
thousand hams "a day" with a look Of
horror the reformer exclaimed. 1t is
no wonder the monster dicdH'
A member OF Parliament. after q Iona
and tircsome speech IN which he went
into the dismal depths OF political econ
omy. whispered 70 a friend. II cndeav-
ored - use nothing but classic language
throughout my entire address" And
you succeeded admirably" said his
friend. IT was all Greek for your audi
euce"
a would-be dramatic author was In the
habit OF piaguing the theatrical custom
ers OF certain cafe with details Of the
plays he intended to write. MY dear
boy said a comedian between yawns,
Isn't Il about time for you 20 pass from
words TO acts?'
A fragment from the conversation OF two
socialists; Let Us remain ever faithful
70 our glorious principle 10 divide every
thing"
But would that be really advantageous
60 us IN the end9'
Idiot or course Il would be advanta-
geobs 20 US since We have nothing"
A Paris hackman, hailed by q country
man who was dressed IN a style well
calculated to make the city chaps laugh.
shrugged his shoulders and was about
20 drive on. when the countryman shout
81 70 him. What. YOU refuse to take
me, although YOU are not engaged
We'll. no. sold the cabby: I'm take
you just to amuse the poor old horse
Two tramps on the banks 81 the Seine:
How can we raise the wlnd?"
Il have Il. You throw yourself in ana
III jump In after YOU and take you out
Then IN Eet the reward from the HUI
name Society"
Good, Here goes" He jumped into
the water. and after houndering about
for some time. he was getting tired OUT.
Well he asked. how long are YOU
going to remain sitting thcre2 Why don {
YOU come in and take me out7''
Because think I might make more
out OF you In the Morgue."
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22
Ills Early verse Pursued Him.

do not know how early I began 20
write doggerel but Of IS l wrote love
poem. writes Thomas Dunn English In
Success. II appeared in print over my
initials. through the grace OF a good
natured editor. 4 musical composer OF the
town saw the lines. married them 20 a
melody, and published them. This put IL
into my head that I was a poet. and I
proceeded forthwith 20 continually inaict
on the public a number OF verses 70
which 7 incautiously AFFIXED my name
Fortunately. these were either puhlishad
In journals now dead. or were overlooked
by the public IN general. Occasionally.
however meet with some venerable gem
tlewonnan who says 10 me:
Doctor. ] have such q charming poem
Of yours IN my scrapbook"
Then feel a creeping sensation w nv
backbone, for know what Is coming She
produces one OF these early efforts. and
on looking az II, ! feel very much Ike
the pious deacon who exclaimed. when
viewing tho skeleton Of donkey. How
fearfully and wonderfully are We madei"
However great your productions may seem
10 YOU at FIRST. they are not 30 great as
they will be later. It Is TO be hoped; and
they VIII be sure 20 rise up before YOU
IN The literary day OF judgment Begin
with an alias. and wait 70 see II you can
make an impression on the public befor.
you unmask yourself Thus you will save
yourself much literary remorse
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22
gen. Douglas aud the Fearless


Gen. Henry Kyd Douglas. soldier. iu-
rist. statesman and social lion. added 20
his long and interesting career Of versa
tiliiy last summer by winning great an
pause and golden comments az the fash
ionable cake-waik given at one Of The
Northern resorts. says the Saturday Even
ing Post. There IS very little that Gen.
Douglas cannot do. He was the chief OF
stan under Stonewan jackson and learn
ed the art Of war from that great general
he was called one Of the most fearless
and dashing riders IN the whole Southern
army
Among the stories he tells 81 his army
experiences IS that OF the hraveet man
he every knew. He saw a Young fellow
start 10 run. then halt. ana * forward
marching into what seemed tho very Jaws
Of death tie expected as q matter OF
course thot ne would be killed. and
gave no more thought to him until nftor
the battle. Riding over the field he reoo<-
nized the rash youth He asked him
what had impclle1 him 70 do such brave
thing. The reply, after some hesitation
was az follows:
Wei, Co.ouel. n was just this way.
ON the worst coward on earth. and
started to run. ana I INTENDED TO keep on
running until ! got home. but an Of a sud-
den the face OF little girl rose befor.
me. and when ! saw her eyes I knew
lust had 70 night. and then I waded H.
and did my best"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

Special Nofices-ship Notice J. r Minis
& Co. Conslgnccs. Pnstcrcrs and Ma
sons Supplies. Savannah Building Supply
Company; Location Of Dr. Osborne city
Physician GOT Second District. Dissolu-
ton. J. T. HobsOn q CO.
Business Notices-E a W. Laundry;
Conoc Roasted Daily. Henry solomons &
Son: Clipper Tomatoes Received To-day
The S. w Branch Co.
washing Powder-Pearlinc.
The Purcst Beers 90 Anheuser-Busch
Brewing Association.
Cleveland Bicyclos-wm. q II. II. Lattl-
more
Biscuit-Tho National Biscuit Company.
Some Things New That We Have Just
opened Up-Lindsay q Morgan
Medical-Castoria. Hoods Pnls. Hos
letters Stomach Bittors. TUFTS pills.
Cheap Column Advertisemcnts-Help
Wanted; Employment Wanted; For Rent;
For Sale; Lost. Personal; Miscellaneous.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

II there S. anything in an invention By
Miss Frances Kc!lor Of Chicago. a whole
Ao, Of people are liable to find themselves
out Of cmploymcn. before long Miss
Kellors "kymognpk" guaranteed TO re-
veal oil Of a PERSONS thoughts. passions
and emotions. presents startling possl-
hilities. when the current Of the kymo-
inventor are well based. about ninc-tenths
OF the world viii. perhaps. want 70 seek
some secluded hiding place. while the
other tenth viii make an EFFORT 10 get "a
front seat with what dangers 20 many
OF the human race this remarkable ma
chine Is fraughtl And yet to many Il
might prove a blessing
For instance the use Of this teil-tale
instrument might prove the means o.
shattering tho prospects of many can
didate for political ONCE The people
would insist on buckling the kymograpn
10 the heads Of contestlnr candidates
that they might iearn their true views on
current issues, rather than those oracu-
lar utioranccs made 20 M the occasion.
Fastened 70 the head Of President Nc
Kinley the Monograph might reveal
that 'our plain duty" o. obedience to the
VIII Of Chairman Hanna. What q hegira
from Republican hunks would such dem
onetration create. on the other HAND
Chairman Hanna's kymographic ANALYSIS
might be expressed in the famous "I,ctatq
c'esi moi" OF Louis XIV. which means.
in effect, II am the whole push" We
hesitate to speculate upon what Gov.
Roosevelts kymographlc chart would
disclose. Two OF them. taken Six months
apart, would probably be so contradictory
that they could scarcely bc attributed
% the same person unless labeled ana
sworn &c.
But IL is not in politics alone that the
value OF the kymograph would prove
great Il would have its uses in bust.
ness. in the courts and in the household
How far would Schneider have gotten
with the fiizabethport banks funds had
be been Autographed weekly or even
monthly. according to the rule likely 10
Dc established in banking Institutions
$1,000 NV fff"ANN ftifAt Dr. NiNA AFlU the
market What need would there Dc for
detectives. for lawyers and oven for Jurors
with kymogranh at hand to extract
only truth from witnesses and comics.
sion. perhaps. from the criminal? Divorce
courts might pigeonhole their dooke,s ana
shut up shop. for Incompatible OF TEN.
permanent between man aud vito coul
always be avoided by making kymograph
&c tests before the wedding ceremony.
The eroccr. the coal dealer. the plumber
and even the ice man would live in NOR
tai terror Of exposure. and tie pur-
chaser would have every prospect OF get.
ting fun weight and fair deal
But before making sure Of these desira.
bic results Il would be wei to inauirc.
would not the human mind conform 10
any new conditions with which it had TO
copo2 According 20 the Darwinian the
Org. organs not 10 use lose their form
and power 10 perform their functions;
those used most are developed ana their
powers are increased. The same may
be true OF mental faculties. Should the
latter develop power TO overcome the
subtle Topographic influence. Miss -Kol-
or's thought and passion recording ln-
venLon might fan fiat.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22
The MORNING. NEWS is publish

The MORNING NEWS - published
every day IN the year aud is served 20
subscribers 10 the city. Or sent by mah.
at 7Oo month. 500 for slx months. and
400 for one year.
The MORNING EDWS. BY mail. Elk
times week without sunday iszre).
thres months. p.sq. slx moutha p.oe. one
year $50
The WEEKLY NEWS, issues a week.
Monday and Thursday By mall. one year.
500.
Subscriptions payable IN advance. Re
mit b. postal order, check or registered
letter. Currency sen, By mall al risk OF
GenderE
Transient advertisements. other than
special column. local OF reading notices
amusements and cheap or want column
10 cents line Fourteen lines OF agate
sype-equai 10 one inch square I'm depth
Is the standard Of measurement. Contract
rates and discount made known on appli-
cation at business Office.
orders for delivery Of the MORNING
News TO either residence or place %
business may DO made by postal card or
through telephone No 30 Any irregular
ity IN delivery should DO Immediately re-
ported TO tho Office Of publication.
Letters and teIegrams should be ad-
dressed MORNING NEWS Savannah.
Ca.
EASTERN OFFICE. . Park Row. New
York city, H. c. Faulkner, Manager.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

Baldness as a bar 90 marriage IS being
discussed quietly ia Augusta. Tho pros
pective happiness o. young couple OF
that city has juss been dashed 10 pieces
upon the polished poll OF one Of the par
ties 10 ID. Ana. sad 10 relate. the poii was
that OF the woman IN the case. The
suitor had dotted upon the iuxuriance and
beauty Of che hair Of his sweetheart. Tho
nmbrosial locks were Intoxicating. Tho
couture was always . dream. and The lit
lie "spit-curls" We're go cute and fetching
that the swain could hardly await che
time 20 buy the license. At length che
desired permission 90 procure the docu-
ment was given. ana the happy man hicd
him 10 the ordinary. with dreams OF a
beautiful face framed Ga the most cior.
ious hair ia the world fitting through his
mind. Whh ,ho states ofnclal permis-
sion 70 marry IN his pocket duly signed.
sealed and delivered. the would-he Rene.
dick rushed 20 his swcethcarts house to
show her the precious paper. She wasn't
expecting him. She was doing up her
hair II was on her lap. Each saw the
other az about the same time The girl
shrieked and ran. but no flowing locks
streamed out behind Instead the gas
Hight seintilnted upon Uranium than
would have done honor to the first row
when the ballet was on. For an instant
the lover stood rooted 20 the spot His
heart hammered The nllins out OF his
front teeth. and then dropped with dun
thud into his patent feathers. Slowly che
bruised heart climbed back to is former
place ana resumed business az the old
stand. The roots loosed their hold upon the
floor. and the young man went out into
ths desolatc night
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

From the Saturday Evening Post
Sylvia. where shall we fare.
In this time Of the burning bourh.
on this morn Of the amethyst air.
And the low. late robins VOW
Prythee. where shall We farce
Tho Hill paths call ana coll.
And YOU know the lure. my sweet
over the meadow-Waii
Is the track for a truant's feet.
Where the forest shadows fail.
Is the answer yea" or "nayg'
No fairer the nenu1hars
on the bland Egyptian day
Than our purpling astcr-stars.
To guide on the upland way!
just Lave and you ard n
Never another ere
Under the kindly skv
Aud the old benisnsnt SUM-
Just Love and you and r.
clinton seonard.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

Kentucky is 10 have new election law.
but it Will not go into erect until after
Nov. Tho approaching election. there
FORE VIII be held under the Goebel law.
which has caused so much trouble. /,
would probably have been conducive to
better feelings in Kentucky ~ the new law
had been made Immediately operative.
sdl. % would have been a big JOB to put
a new election law into operation in less
thau two weeks
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

Reprcs, NATIVE Hun OF Iowa who Is
Chairman OF the House Committee OF
Military Affairs. and VINO reported the bin
10 increase the standing army to 10000
men. has not yet denied the charge that
he IS the president Of land and lumber
company engaged IN exploiting Philippine
resources. and that be wants big army
20 guard the interests Of his company Ia
the islands
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

shortly, after having accomplished moth
ing but the semi-farcical expedition against
Pao Ting Fu. Frenohmcn Will enjoy the
spectacle OF the German no,d marshal
marching upon China. with "a seven-room
house amons his baggage. and then
straightway marching back again
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22
PaSseaSeT EaTeS lTOm Savannah

TERMEDIATE CABIN. 81; INTFRAiE.
date CABIN ROUND TRIP. "a
sTEERAGE. SO
TO BOSTON = FIRST CABIN. 81;
TERMEDIATE CABIN, slT: INTERNE.
DATE CABIN ROUND TRIP, 12SM
STEERAGE. giT.
The express steamshlps OF this Iina are
appointed 90 sail from Savannah, Central
os%h) meridian time. as follows:
SAVANNAH TO NEW YORK.
KANSAS CITY Capt. Fisher. TUES
DAY. Oct. 3, 4.30 D. m
CITY OF BIRMINGHAM, Capt Berg,
WEDNESDAY Oct. y. 500 .. m
TALLAHAssEE Capt. Askins. THURS.
DAY, Oct p. $50 .. m.
CITY OF AUGUSTA. Capt. DaFge,t.
SATURDAY. oct. q. 100 p m.
NACOoCHEE. Capt. Smith. TUESDAY,
Oct. 30 300 p m.
KANSAS CITY. Capt. Fisher. THURS.
DAY, Nov. !. 1870 a. m
TALLAHASSEE Capt Asklns. sATUR-
DAY, Nov. 3. 100 r. N.
CITY OF BIRMINGHAM. Capt. Berg.
SUNDAY. Nov. 4. eco a. m.
CITY OF AUGUSTA. Capt DaEgett.
TUESDAY. Nov 6. 800 =. m.
NACOOCHEE. Capt. Smith. THURS
DAY Nov 3. 500 p. m
KANSAS CITY. Capt. Fisher sATUR-
ia T. NOV ~ f.aN y m
| TALLAHASSEE Capt Askins. TUES
DAY, Nov. Il. $50 a. m
CITY OF AUGUSTA. Capt Daggett.
THURSDAY. Nov. IS. Il 30 a. m.
| CITY OF BfRMINGHAM Capt. Berg.
FRIDAY. Nov. Is 1910 p m
NACOOCHEE. Capt. Smith. SATURDAY,
Nov. II. 1880 p m.
KANSAS CITY capt. Fisher. TUES
DAY. Nov 20 $50 p. m.
TALLAHASSEE Capt. Askins. THURS
DAY Nov. 2 40 p m.
CITY OF AUGUSTA. Capt Daggett.
SATURDAY. Nov. q. 500 p. m.
NACOOCHEE. Capt. Smith, TUESDAY.
Nov. a. $50 p IN.
CITY OF BIRMINGHAM Capt. Berg.
THURSDAY, Nov. q. 1880 a. m.
KANSAS CITY. Capt. Fisher. THURS
DAY Nov. -. 1000 a. N.
NOTICE Steamship city OF Birr''ug-
ham will not carry passengers.
NEW YORK TO BOSTON.
CITY OF MACON. Capt Savage. MON.
DAY Oct q. noon.
CITY OF MACON. Capt. Savage. FRI
DAY Oct. =, noon.
CITY OF MACON Capt. Savage. WE'D
NESDAY Oct 81. noon.
CITY OF MACON. Capt. Savage. MON
DAY. Nov. .. 1900 noon.
CITY OF MACON. Capt Savage. FRI
DAY. Nov. ?. l2.Vo noon.
CITY or MACON Capt Savage. WE'D
SEsDAY Nov. "A. le.oo noon.
CITY OF MACON. Npi Savage NOM
DAY. Nov. ~. 1900 noon.
CITY or MACON. Capt Savage. FRI
DAY. Nov g. 300 noon.
CITY OF MACON. Capt. Savage. WE'D
NEsDAY. Nov. g. 200 noon.
This company reserves the right 20
change It's sallings without notice and
without liability or accountability there
for
sallings New York for Savannah Tues
DAYS. Thursdays and Saturdays 500 p. m
w. G. BREWER. city Ticket and Pass
enger Agent. 10 Bull street. Savannah.
Ca.
+. w. SMITH. Contracting F'reisht
Agent. Savannah. Ca.
r. G. IRRELEVANT. Agent. Savannah.
Ga.
WALTER HAWKINS. General Agent
TRAFFIC Dept. 22i W. Bay street. Jack
sonville. Fla,
r. II. HINTON. Tranlc Manager sa-
vannah Ca
p. r. LIE FEvRE Manager. New
Pier a. North River. New York. Ny
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

The Indications for Georgia and East
ern Florida to-day are for rain. with fresh
cast 20 southeast winds
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

A new use Tor the legal injunction fas
been discovered hy Milwaukee man he
appealed 10 the court tn make bis wife
stop calling him names. and the court is-
sued the writ Husbands who have rea-
son to fear curtain lectures might make a
note 90 This. and by availins themselves
OF the Kind Offices Of the court save many
unpleasant quarters OF am hour
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22
CURRENT CONVENT.

Tho Phgalciphla Record. Dem) dis
GUESSING Porto Rlcan affairs. says What
Porto Rico demands Is her right. under
the Constitution. and d S. our duty. a.
IL O. our interest 20 recognize the right.
Pres Mckinley n his late annual mes
sage euioined upon Congrsss as "our
plain duty" the recognition OF this right.
Why did Congress tramplo on this in
junction and pass "a Bill repudiating tho
right. IN place Of recognizing it3 And
why. especially. did thu President himself
turn around and unite with Congress In
both OF these proceedings That Is what
tnc people want 10 know. II is what they
have right TO know. and now II ever
S. the time Tor him to cell them
The New York staass-Zeitung says;
THE South has almost frogot,en the sur
f,riues OF the civil war. ana IN an active
business llle ceasinR 30 take note OF the
injury she suffered. she seeks 10 make
good in the fields Of peaceful Industrial
activity what she lost IN ths bloody
struggle with the North. The south lives
sud Dos l0ps and has already gone far
beyond the period % Couvalcsceuce. After
years Of useless experimenting and com
piainIns. she has found the true secret
of her future happiness-loDor business
activity. constant employment"
The Baltimore sun. CDeml has this 20
say to young men about TO cast their
arst vote. III they want the golden gate
OF opportunity kept open for themselves
they must vote Tor William J Bryan and
o Democratic Congress. The trusts.
whose sole aim is 70 own and control all
the business of the country, will vote
solldly for Mr. Mckinney Young men
eager Tor a fair chance la life ought 20
need no further enlightenment as 10 where
their own interests lie"
The Washington Post. Gnd) says.
Chairman Jones latest emott was super
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

The chief importation into this country
from the Philippine Islands az present
seems to b. sick and insane soldiers. The
transport Logan Is now on the way home
Win a load Of them
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

Election bettors arc now beginning 70
eye the windows Of thc stores that keep
hats for sale.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22
John G. BUTLER.


DEALER IN
Paints. Oils and Glass, sash. Doors. BhnaN
a nd Builders Supplies Plain and Decols.
tive wall Paper. Foreign and Domes.,.
Clements. Lame. Plaster and Hair. soy
Arent for Abcstine Cold Water Pain,.
70 Congress street. west. and - 81 1ei-@
street. west
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22
Sw! w! Nv
OCEAN Steamship Go
FOR
Network, Boston
AND
THE EAST.

Unsurpassed cabin accommodation An
the comforts OF q modern hotel Eleetrss
HEhts. Onexcelled table Tickets Include
meals and berths aboard ship.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

Cen. Lee ia not the only American who
locke for exciting times when the Cuban
constitutional Convention arrembIes. Sew
c-nI ~ the correspondents in Havana have
predicted spirited debates in The conven-
zion "a the matter % the position % b.
occupied by the United States with rela-
ton 20 Cuta under the ratve government.
Among the delegates elected 10 the con-
veufion are Antonio Garcia. Gen. Rivera
anil tRo or three other obie but radical
leaders, who have announced their inten-
ton Of standing for an absolutely free
government without Interference or pro-
tccforate on the part Of the United states
IN the call for the convention. issued by
President Mckinley. there were para
graphs Indicating certain things that Il
was expected tho convention would put
into the constitution adopted by 81. Ger
iain Of the delegates object 20 even re-
c,iFiog suggestions from the United
States lt BE- easy to see. therefore. that
the convention holds the possibilities OF
lively times, and maybe also Of trouble.
Much OF GeorEIa's future greatness and
wealth depends upon the development Of
her mineral resonrces and water powers
That she IS particularly rich IN minerals
ana water powers Is well known in n
general sort OF way But investors and
developers are not 20 be- satisfied with
general information. They demand special
information. scientific ncts The state
Geoo sieai Department was designed to
gather and correlate such Information. for
pubie use. ana d, has done a great deaf
of good work along this line But much
more remains 10 be done. II Is 10 be hoped
that the Legislature viii be able TO see
Us way clear 20 having the WORK Of tho
department continued To discontinue a
now. when capital Is seeking Investment
in ,he South ana authoritative data with
respect 20 Georsia's resources are in de
mand. would be "a mistake.
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

The Washington Post. Ond) says.
Chairman Jones latest emott was super
nuous No sane person believes thot Mr.
Bryan contcmplates packing the Supreme
court"
The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, 1900-10-22

Under tho plans determined upon by the
directors OF the South Carolina Interstate
and West Indian Exposition COMPANY. the
main buildings Of the Exposition 20 he
held az Charleston next year will be tex
tile. agriculture. machinery and electric
~. minerals and forestry commerce and
liberal arts. fine ans transportation. vyo-
mans. educational and negro. Il Is OK
rected thai There will be SIN other build
mss erected upon the Exposition grounds
nnd that number OF the sts;es OF tho
Union and u The cnterprlsiny cities will
erect suitable structures OF the displav of
their Characteristic products and re-
sources. The purpose OF the Exposition a
20 bring together on Southern soft renre-
sentative exhibits Of The arts. industrics
manufacture ana products OF the sou
mine and sea- and 20 Illustrate in this way
the magnitude Of the resources ana posgi-
hliues, particularly. % the Southern
states or the Union. and 81 the country
81 large and insthis way. a. the onering
Or the new century. 20 cement ms.
closely the bonds which now unite 49,
parts OF this great country In addition
10 these domestic exhibits. the indua-
tries and resources Of Cuba. Porto Rico
Mexico and the South American renubiics
md q the Philippine VIII be- illustrated
aach manner as - old in the develop
ment o. new and closer trade relations he
fween the United States and the market
which are waiting for American expioit.
alton and occupancy.