The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-07-19
PUZZLED THE CENSUS MAN.
Young WOman's Hopeless Struggle
to FIJI Out the Schedule of
Questions.

family at home when the census man
came. He had called in the morning
without finding anyone, and had left
several large blanks to be filled out.
The young woman was wrestling with
one of the blanks when the bell rang,
and she greeted the mild-mannered
census taker with effusion, says the
New York Sun.
you've come just in time to save my
tottering reason" she said, cordially.
''Hey?" said the census man, who
evidently wasn't used to being treated
with airy frivolity.
1--WE been trying to fill this thing
out truthfully, and it's so hard to be
scrupulously truthful. Now, about my
color. You see, I'm in a transition
stage between my winter color and my
summer color. Ny freckles aren't very
bad yet; but L guess brown and lemon
color would hit me off all right"
She looked very serious and sadly
puzzled, and the census man, whose
sense of humor wasn't his strong point,
FASTENED to explain.
''Oh, you don't need to do that. I'd
just call you white" he said.
''No, would you? That's good of
YOU" she murmured, gratefully; but
there's something else that bothered
me. don't know the year of my
BIRTH
The census man looked weary.
Gould you give guess at your age? ''
he asked, apologetically.
'Oh, yes, I'm 33, but 1 can't sub
tract"
You don't look it," said the man, po-
litely.
''Well, I don't know. may look as if
1 could subtract, but I'm sure dom t
look as if l could divide"
Have you got a profession, ma am ?''
''They say being charming is a wom-
ans profession. You might put that
down."
He shook his head with uncompli-
mentary decision.
Don't you do anything else?"
"Oh, l paint poor pictures between
times" she admitted
Are you single, ma'am?"
do you suppose I'd make profess
sion of being charming if 1 weren't
single?"
He admitted the force of the logic.
Now about the lady of the house,
miss?''
'She's OUT
YES, but you can tell me all I have
to know"
"She's awfully white; but I don't
know how old she isl
Cant you guess?"
"Oh, yes, I can guess. Thirty-fve's a
good, respectable, uncompromising
sort of an age. Call her 49,"
Where was she born?"
Il don't know. She's lived in Wash
ington and Denver and Boston and Co.
lumbus, o., and Jersey City. You can
take your choice"
You don't know in which of them
she was born 2"
No. l know where she'd rather
have been born than anywhere else?"
The census man cheered I'D.
"Where?"
Virginia. She just pointedly does
adore Virginia.
All right. I'll put her down in vir-
ginia.'
"That'll be a real comfort to her.
said the boarder.
What's your servants name?"
Her first names Norah.''
Don you know the last?"
No; and she's gone out. What do
you think her name ought to be after
Norah? Murphy would be all right,
wouldn't it?"
why, yes; 1 guess I'll put it Muir
phy. don't want to come back again,
you see. I amt making much out of
my district. The families are so small"
He looked distinctly abused; and the
boarder promptly apologized.
I'm awfully sorry there amt more
of us" she said, humbIy.
"Oh, it can't be helped" he sighed.
Now, my cousin, he's over in the ten
ement district, 20 and so folks in one
house; and, if they amt in. you can put
them in. Folks will believe anythinx
about tenement house. / told my
cousin L wasn't doin' very well, that
there was only private houses and fur
nlshed room places in my district, and
he says: why, furnished rooms is a
clnch. You couldn't do better except
IN tenements. Mix up German and
Irish names he says, and scatter
them around in those furnished rooms.
and nobody can jump on you But they
did get jumped on once, for that sort of
business, and | guess I'll just get what
can on the square. There's so MANY
maiden ladies and widows running
these boarding houses and room places
though, and they're so touchy about
their ages. 1 wish I'd had tenement
district"
Il wish you had" said the boarder
with deep sympathy.
You've been real pleasant and helm.
full. There amt many that's as help.
full as you"
I'm such good cause, couldn't con-
scientiously be anything else" said thu
boarder, loftily. Its privilege to as.
sist the government in amassing all
this valuable information
"Yes'm," said the census man. as he
closed the door behind him.