The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-06-03
Fun of the Word.

\
quired new coach and a new footman
/ to match. John" she said one day.
I'VE viii drive out TO make few calls
| But / shan't get out Of the carriage You
viii, therefore, take the cards that are
on my dressing table and leave one Of
| them at each house we stop at.
Very good, ma'am," answered John.
| and ne ran upstairs 10 fetch the cards.
| After they had driven about consid-
cradle time. and cards had been left a.
a large number of houses, the lady re-
marked:
Now we must call on the Dales, the
| Framptons and the Clarkes.'
we can't do it, here broke in the
footman, in alarm. I've only the ace
of spades and the ten of CLUBS left
= z Z <
Senator Hoar is one OF the wittiest as
we'll as one OF the most learned men in
public life, and an inveleTate punster.
/ Not long ago he was joined in the cor
! ridor Of the capitol by a former col
| league in the senate. and as they ap-
! preached the entrance TO the senate
, chamber Mr.. Hoar motioned his compan-
/ ion TO pass in first.
After YOU said the ex-senator, draw
! ing back. politely.
mo, indeed" retorted Senator Hoar.
the ks always so before ehwise-''
] = :
| A Colorado Millionaire-extremely mil
lionaire-one who is getting up an art
I gallery, went 10 Whistler's studio in the
I Rue du Bae. He glanced casually at the
pictures on the symphonies" IN
/ rose and gold, IN blue and gray, in
( brown and green.
How much for the LOTT" he asked.
with the confidence OF one who owns
! gold mines.
-Four millions" said Whistler.
WHAT
MY posthumous prices" and the
painter added, Good morning"
x X Z <
Now, boys" said the teacher 10 the
Juvenile class IN history. who can tell
me what Gen. Washington said 10 his
lieutenant while crossing the Delaware
amid the floating ice?' Il can" replied
a youngster al the foot of the class.
well, Tommy. what did he say?'
queried the teacher. ELI said How q
you like to be the iee-man?' replied the
incorrigible Tommy.
x < z z
Booker T. Washington tells the follow
ing story of member OF the ''po'h
white trash" who endeavored 10 cross
stream by means Of ferry owned by a
black man. Uncle Nose said the
white man, Il want to cross, but I
hain't got no money" Uncle Nose
scratched his head. "Doan' you got TO
money I an." aueried. Nc said
the wayfaring stranger. Il haven't a
cent" But il don't cost you but three
cents" insisted Uncle Nose, ter cross
de ferry" Il know" said the white
man, ''but I haven't got the three
cents" Uncle Nose was in a Quandary.
Boss" he said, Il done tole you what.
Err man what's got no three cents am
les ez we'll off on dis side er de river
as on de odder."
q Z q
A bishop, travelling in the depth Of
winter came 10 a house of a presiding
elder to spend the night. The weather
was bitterly cold and the bedroom into
which the bishop was shown had a thick
coating of ice on the windows. The elder
waited to see the bishop safely between
the feather beds. But when the bishop,
half frozen, jumped into bed without
stopping to say his prayers the elder re-
monstrated with him.
you have forgotten to say your pray
ers,' he said.
No" answered the bishop Il always
keep prayed up in preparation for
nights that are as cold as this
9a x q
There was a man once at lost a Leg,
and for a long time afterward he went
stumpin' round on hickry peg. One
day Elder Harkins asked him why he
didn't go 10 Brother Brigham Young and
have his leg restored.
'D'you spose he en- do it, said old
Pegleg quick's a wink. Do it, Why. OF
course he can do it. and glad OF the
chance to show his power the elder
said. I wonder you hadn't thought OF
it before Well. you may be sure Peg
lost no time in Eettin' thar after that
And what d'you s'pose Brother brigham
said? Why, he said of course he coud
make a new leg, Jest s good a leg as
the one that was miss'n, but before ne
supplied that lost member he was In
honor bound TO tell Peg-leg something
that ne considered very serious. Says
he: 4. I make new leg for you TO use
in this life, IT will be a part OF you. and
after you die it viii be resurrected along
with the rest OF your body when the
last trumpet blows
"'Ar right. all right Peg-leg put in.
that's jest what l want
But hold on Brother Brigham said,
that hain't all OF It. Both OF the legs
you were born with will be resurrected
also, and you'll have TO alike your choice
between goin' with one leg in this world
or havin' three in the nextw
u < x x
DR. Thornton. who has just resigned
the bishopric of Ballarat. once told AT
a temperance meeting a curious expert
ence which 5efell him during a visitation
tour. He was landed on tempestuous
night in a remote bush township. Not
a light was to be seen save that which
proceeded from the office OF the local
newspaper. The Bishop knocked, and a
voice from an upstairs window cried
Who's there?" Il am the Bishop Of
Ballarat Could you kindly direct me 70
a hotel7" Il say, boys, guess who's
the cove down below-the Bishop Of Bal
!arat" Then there was a burst Of ribald
laughter from the compOsing-room Pres I
entity the head reaDpeared at the win
dow, ard the voice gave THE piece Of
fiendly counsel: Look here. old man.
you've had quite enough hotel for one !
night Go home and 60 70 bed. O'Raf- !
ferty's on the beet. and II you don't /
make tracks you'n be run in as sure as
eggs"
x zR
Every member OF congress who knew 1
him has & story 70 tel Of the oaainf 4
cd Texan Judge Culberson, VINO died 4
recently, after twenty years IN congress 1
One day he was making a speech IL ths 4
House. Psusing dramatically, he pointed /
TO the gallery and said:
You can't do this without zettin (
found out Look at them printers up 4
there Theyu take thls all down and 4
print IL. them printers wiiL"
Another time be was az Atlantic City
and met a friend. Hsllow. Charley"
ne said. I'm glad 10 see you. I have
fist been a-stsudin' down b. tns edge
u the ocean watcain' them women gO.H'
N Esshin"
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7 want a very small toothbrush sad
a fashIonzbiy dressed woman - the