davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
WIT AvERTED A STORM.
The Capital Device of n Congress.
man TO Cool His Wife's
Anger.

In the seclusion of the house cloakrooms
q story is being told on western member
There are 357 men in the house. Three hun.
dred and fifty-six are hereby released from
any connection with the story. The other
man-and the other mans wife-will recog
nize the truth of what is here recorded.
The western member went home at a very
early hour in the morning. He had made a
night OF it with some friends. He knew that
his conduct would be considered reprehensi.
bic by his better half, and so as he ascended
the steps of his modest home he racked his
brain for some plan to avert the lsdy's
wrath. As he entered the hall he saw an
umbrella. Instantly it occurred to him that
the umbrella might be his salvation.
He carried the umbrella upstairs. Seating
himself on a chair in the corner of the bed.
room, he raised the rain guard over his head
and then coughed loudly. His wife awoke
and saw in the dim gaslight her lege lord
sitting solemnly under the raised umbrella.
What are you doing?" she asked in nat
ural surprise.
at is three o'clock, my dear" said he,
"and am waiting for the storm"
The congressman's ready wit saved him
from Caudle lecture. He is worrying now,
however, to find an equally effective act for
the next time he stays out late.-Washiug-
ton Post.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
WHAT A FORMER AMERICAN
SAYS.
Doubled Their Cultivated Lands ana
More Than Doubled Their
Stock.

The following letter written by Mr..
John Cummings of Wetasliiwin, AL
berta, Canada, formerly of Washing
ton, to a friend in the United States is
only one of q hundred similar cases,
and what was done by Mr.. Cummings
can more easily be done to-day by any
good, sober and industrious farmer who
chooses to make his home in the Do
minion.
Dear Sir:
You want to know how got along
since 1 came into Northern Alberta. 1
am happy to inform you that am not
ashamed to tell.
We located five miles northeast of
wetaskiwin; left Pennington, WASH
ington, on the Goth of May, driving all
the way,
We had time to build our log house
the first fall and to make us comfort
able for the family and stock. We then
built four stables 1sx2o inside, so that
we could put everything inside them
when the cold got down to the fifties,
and worked hard getting up the stable
and got through clubbing on the 1st
December, but to our surprise we had
no use for the stables only for the milk
cow and two span of horses. The bal
ance of the horses lived on the prai-
rie all winter and took care of them
selves. The doors of two stables were
left open for them to go into in cold
time, but they would not do it, but
stayed out on the prairie the coolest
night we had, and looked as spry as
crickets.
1 can go ten rods back of my house
and count ten residents. know all of
their circumstances. Every one of
them have doubled their cultivated land
and doubled their animals, and great
deal more. All of us are comparative
ly out of debt and an unusually big
crop to thresh and prospects of a fair
price, and / expect we are as we'll con-
tented lot of people as there are from
Florida to the Klondike.
My son bought two pounds of twine
TO the acre, and when we started to bind
some barley, we found that instead OF
taking two pounds to the acre, il was
taking nearly five pounds. Then you
ought to have seen him hitch up a team
and make for town for 100 lbs. more.
cannot say how it will thresh. All
can say is that it is we'll headed, and
takes an enormous amount of twine.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
A CAREFUL BRIDE.
She Didn't Give Hubby n Chance to
Make Any Declaration of
Devotion.

The happy pair had survived the con:
gratulations of friends and relatives, and
were being whirled rapidly towards the
railway station, before the bridegroom be-
gan fairly to realize that the vision of love-
liness at his side was indeed his own
A dawning sense of what he had gone and
done and of the sacred charge that was
now committed to his care began to creep
upon his benumbed faculties, driving the
rose of health from his downy cheek and
substituting therefor the pallor of haunt
ing responsibilities.
Darling" he whispered, softly, "it will
ever be my sacred care in life to" She in.
terrupted him somewhat brusquely.
Now" said she, don't sit on your coat
tails that way and get them all wrinkled up,
and for goodness sake don't lay your elbow
right in that dust! Heaven only knows how
long it will be before you get another suit,
so that you better take care of this one,
Now, when We get to the station, you'd bet
ter get a couple of sandwiches in case we
get hungry in the train, and two hard-boiled
eggs, and don't forget small paper of pep
per and salt."-Tit- bits.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
HoW,a ThisI

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
by Halls Catarrh Cure.
F. j. Cheney & Co., Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known F. j.
Cheney for the last Is years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transac-
tions and financially able to carry out any
obligations made by their firm.
West & Truax, Wholesale Druggists, To-
ledo, o.
Walding, Kinnan & Marvin, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, o.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces OF the system. Price 75c. per bot
tie. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials
free.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
NOVELTIES FOR SMOKERS.

A handsome pipe Of meerschaum is
mounted in gold and set with small
precious stones. The stem Is Of ivory
and the tip Of amber.
An appropriate gift for gentleman
Is a combination tobacco box and match
safe. 1t is Of silver, gilt, and the lid is
enameled and set with semiprecious
stones.
A handsome cigar case of silver gilt
has finish which resembles pigskin.
The case Is slightly curved SO as to fit
the pocket snugly. Rubies are freely
used In ornamenting the case.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

This is no idle joke" remarked the
editor, glancing over it.
What do you mean?" anXiously in
quired the contributor.
"Why, it has been worked nearly to
DEATH" smiled the editor, returning it.
Puck
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
&IfIj7jEyzz652 6521;za5dISga Is n
Cn1IOus.

Reporter-And he laughed while you
were tying the rope about his neck?
He must have been hardened wretch.
Leader of the egulars-Hardened =?
Say, when we cut him down, after let
ting him hang half an hour, he said
it hadn't been even uncomfortable.
He'd been wearing these high stiff col
lars for years!-Chicago Tribune.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
A VIII md m WnY,

George" she cooed, why can't we
get married next Sunday?"
WELL" hesitatingly replied the re-
calcitrant but manly youth at her side,
"we could, s'pose; but it may rain
Sunday"
George, if it rains Sunday, couldn't
we get married Saturday ?"-Judge.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Hnd Some Sense Left,

"Your worship" said the counsel,
"this mans insanity takes the form
Of a belief that everyone wants to rob
him. He won't even allow me, his coun-
sci, 10 approach him."
"Mayoe he's not so crazy, after ALL"
murmured the court, in a judicial whis-
per.-Tit-Bits.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Remembered One.

Professor-Mr. Drone, | am aston
ished that you cannot remember any
of the quotations called for in to-day's
lesson. Can you recollect any quota
tion of any kind?
Student-Yes, sir. "Any old fool can
ask ques uestions."-Boston Transcript.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Certain.

Dashaway-Now, if i order any
clothes from you, want to be sure be-
forehand that you won't dun me. l
want It Understood. Can you suggest
any way to avoid this?
Tailor-Well, you might pay me a
deposit now, anj the rest when the
clothes are deli isered.-Detroit Free
Press.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Mere Matter of Time.

Mrs. Binks-How does it happen that
Mrs. NeXtdoor can afford to dress bet
ter than | can?
Mr.. Binks-They haven't been mar
ried long, and / presume he isn't quite
broke yet.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Why He Wns GInd.

"He laughed madly when she broke
n plate over his head"
Suddenly deranged?"
"No. II was plate she had painted
herself."-Boston Traveller.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
eyer honors me wild yer pc

"Yer honors me wild yer perposal, Os-
car Doody, but it's impossibility. Me
mudder is now doin' de washin' fer a
family of IS, an fear dat havin' TO do
yours wild your partickleness regardin'
yer linen would surely break her
heart.s-N. Y. World .st
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
From Baby in the High Chair

to grandma in the rocker GrainO is good for
the whole family. 1t is the long-desired sub
stitute for coffee. Never upsets the nerves
pr Injuries the digestion. Made from pure
and appearance of the best coffee at l the
price. 1t is genuine and scientific article
and is come to stay. 1t makes for health
and strength. Ask your grocer for Grain.O.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
TRIALS of the Great.

Lives of great men serve to show us
That If we become sublime
We shall see the ones below US
Heaving bricks up all the time.
Chicago Times-Herald.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

The gentlemen engaged in spreading
knowledge of the Pan-American exposition
in Buffalo in the year 1901 have certainly a
sufficient idea of its importance. They speak
of the cataract of Niagara falls as an "acces-
sorry attraction. ."-Western Electrician.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

In all things else extravagant,
No economy she seeks;
But when cough sirup is prescribed
One Vial lasts eight weeks.
-Indianapolis Journal
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
The Next Thing.

City Man-So no one here plays golf,
eh? Well, what is the nearest thing
you have to it?
Moss-Backed Villager = Aw, just
plain silliness!--Puck.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

Mistress-Susan, how did this plate
get broken?
Susan-Mebby it walked off the shelf
and smashed itself against the corner
of the shtove, mum.-Chicago Times
Herald.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Eject of Attire,

you're a brick!" cried a fellow name
Will,
To his sister. nor took she II Ill
Till he added: "Oh, yes.
You're but half-baked, or less,
But you're certainly dressed up to kilnv'
Detroit Journal.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

Mr.. Quits-No, shall never marry a
girl who will not accept an opal en-
gagement ring.
Miss Eager-My father is a member
of the Thirteen club. = Jewellers
Weekly.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Alert to Blame.

The sage spoke words OF wisdom deep,
And everyone seemed fast asleep.
He chanced TO make a slight mistake,
And everyone was wide awake.
Washington Star
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
The FntsI FIame.

The beauty of her graceful glove
Within my heart still lingers;
fear she lit my lamp of love
With her sweet, taper fingers.
Town Topics.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Called Il Down.

"Ycu want a decollete shave, / presume" 4"
climbed into the chair.
"Aw-beg pardon" said the youth, "but
weally, ! aw-fal to comprehend"
That's French for cutting down." an.
swered the knight OF the razor, with grin
on his mug.-Chicago Evening News.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Persuaded Them to Move.

Hoax-How did you finally get rid
of those undesirable neighbors?
Joax-Well, first, L hung a scarlet
fever sign on the door, and when that
didn't have any effect, 1 began taxi
ing lessons on che trombone.-Phila-
delphia Record.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Not the Same Man.

Lady az the door, believe, in my
heHrt, you are the same tramp / gave
a large piece of pudding to few days
ago!
Tramp-No, ma am; you're mistaken.
He's dead.-Tit-Bits
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

Graball-Cutter, the tailor, is on the
high road to wealth.
Close-How's that?
Grsball-He has invented q secret in
visible trousers pocket for married
men.-Town Topics.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
UsefuI Piece Of Eurpitpre

Teast-You say you bought your
wife folding bed? How does it
work?
Crimsonbeak:-Fine; you see she
talked in her sleep fearfully, and that
was the only way could shut her up.
-Yonkers Statesman.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Plenty.

Now, all of us who want the earth
May have it, I'll be bound,
For since 1t keeps revolving there's
Enough to go around.
-Philadelphia Press.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
They Left Their Reputation.

She-Why, they ran up bills with
everybody who would trust them, and
then moved away without paying a
cent.
He-I see. Two hearts that beat as
one.-Brooklyn Life.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Enamored uusbond-Deares+

Enamored Husband-Dearest, you
are worth far more than a million
10 me.
His Wife-Then, love, just give me
$3.50 on account for a new cape, will
you?-Heitere Welt.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

"How did Jack come to make up with
jim" Heard some one say they were at
skies and sevens, and was afraid of the
unlucky l3."-Town Topics.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Para doxfcal.

Bridget" said the mistress to her sick
servant, would you take little medicne?"
Faith, ma am" said she, "I'd take any.
thing to make me well, aven if / knew
twould kill me "-Philadelphia Record.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
He Wns n DipIomnt.

"How did you get out of buying tnat
sealskin sack for your wife?"
Surprised her with muff and col
lar."-Detroit Free Press.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Hope Springs Eternal.

Miss Gambleton seems passionately
fond of amateur theatricals."
"Yes; l think she feels there is al
ways chance of her being kissed."-
Puck.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
THE OLDEST MAN In AMERICA
Tells How He Escaped the Terrors OF Many
Winters by Using Peruna.

Isaac Brock, . cifixen Of McLernsn
County, Texas, has lived m years-
NE now lives with his son-in-iGw nj
Valley MiIis, Texas.
In speaking of his good hesfcfo aud
extreme old age, Mr.. Brock says
"Affer a man has lived I'm flto
world as long as have, he orsglrf
to have found out q great many
things by experience.
"One of the things / have found
out to my entire satisfaction is the
proper remedy for ailments that
are due directly TO the effects Of
the climate.
"During my long life h1vo
known a great many remedies for
coughs, colds, cafarrh and dlisr-
rhGa. had always supposed
these affections TO be different
diseases, but in reading Dr. Harf-
man s books Ihave found out tIraf
these affections are the same and
that they are properly called cn-
farrh.
"I had several long sieges Win
the grip. At first did not know
that Peruna was q remedy for This
disease. When I heard fhsf Ia
grippe was epidemic oatsrrh, !
tried Peruna for Ia grippe and
found Ii TO be Just the thing.
Gas for DR.. Harfman's remedy,
Peruna, I have found 1t 10 be rhe
best, If nor the only, reliable Tem-
edy for these affections. II has
been my standby for many yesss,
and attribute my good health and
extreme old age to this remedy.
avery truly yours,
lp" &eA,
For free book on caf6rrh, RfdreaB
The Peruna Medicine Co., Cofumbzss
Ohio.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Lane. Family Meaicine.

Moves the bowels each day. In order to
be healthy this is necessary. Acts gently on
the liver and kidneys Cures sick head
ache. Price % and Soc.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

To Cure a Cold in One Day
Take Laxative .Bromo Quinine Tablets All
druggists refund money il it fails to cure. 25c.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

She--They seem TO be lost in each
others love.
He-Yes; they ought TO advertise for
q minister.-Puck.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

Nobody is expected to see through a joke
until after it is cracked.-Golden Days.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

Shoe Dealer-Your feet seem to be
swollen.
Customer-Yes, honey, dey swelled
bout de time got my growth, an de
swellin' amt nebber gone down.-Chi-
cago Inter Ocean.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Tbot Unrenned word.

The Boston girl was heard to moan,
And tears were seen to flow;
Because, when at the telephone,
She had to say Hello"
washington Star.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
SWEET INNOCENCE.

Mother-No, darling, you mustn't
have any more pudding-you' feel un-
comfortable.
Eva-Please, mother dear, 1 don't
mind!--Ally Sloper.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09
Accident on the BELT Line.

He put his arm around her waist
His arm so long and thin
And then withdrew it in great haste
And muttered: Darn that pinn'
Chicago Tribune.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1900-02-09

It cures Colds, Coughs, Sore Throat, Group, Infu-
enzs, Whooping Cough, Bronchitis and Asthma.
certain cure for Consumption in first stages,
And sure relief in advanced stages: Use at once.
first dose. Sold by dealers everywhere. Price,
26 and so cent? per bottle.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1900-03-05

Col. Lloyd. who is taking out to the
Beer war the We R.dirg Regiment, has
more medals for distinguished services in
warfare than any other officer in the
British army.
Mrs Newman, " dow of Bishop John
2. Newman, of the Methodist Episcopal
Church, denies the statement that she
promised $4,000 to the First NJ. E. Church
Of Omaha.
king Humbert has decided to visit the
Paris exhibition, accompanied by the
Prince of Naples and the Duke of Genoja.
Communications on the subject have pass
ed between the Italian and French gov
ernments
Mark Twain was recently asked what
eshis boyish ambitions, First" he re-
piled. Il wanted to be circus clown, but
l modified that and decided to be Mis-
sissippi congressman
Rev. William I Fee, who died recent
ly in Cincinnati, was one of the most ia
nous of the old Methodist preachers of
Ohio and the author of the once popular
'Gleanings from Harvest Fields in Ken
tucy, Ohio and West Virginia.
-Rt. Rev Donatus sharetti, the new
Roman Catholic Bishop of Havana, is one
Of the most famous inguists among the
clergy of his church. lie reads Hebrew
Arabic Persian, Gre and Latin. and
speaks English, 81 anish. Italian, French
Prince Herbert Bismarck, who recent
ly completed his ifre,h year, has decided
to build himself new house in the neigh
borhood of Schloss Friedricharub but far
away from the railway and the high
hn fr n lop
comfortable modern dwelling. and it viii
also be considerably larger than the an
cient Schloss that was so much beloved
by the first Prince Bismarck and his sim
pie wife. This old castle is to be used
as museum for the possessions of the
late Prince, and viii be kept in good re-
pair.
There wi be no court balls at Copen-
hagen this winter as the royal family
are still in mourning for Queen Louise
ana Will continue so until next October,
when two years will have elapsed since
her majesty's death The king gave a
state banquet at the palace recently at
which covers were laid for sixty, and af-
terward received the guests in the gar
den saloons. The only toast after dinner
was Prosperity to Denmark and the
Danish nation" proposed by his majesty,
who appeared to be in excellent health
and spirits.
John D. Rockefeller will be able next
spring to entertain his friends at his
place al Tarrytown on his private golf
links. nine-hcle course which it is
said will be the finest in the country, is
being laid out. 1t was planned by Willie
Dunn, and he is supervising the work
The course will be ready for use early in
the season, and only Mr.. Rockefeller's
guests will have access to it, When work
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1900-03-05
BRIGHT BITS.

Sandy Pfkes-What did yer feel like
when de farmer pulled yer out of de well?
Billy Coalgate-I felt like I wuz brought
up on farm.-Chicago News.
Realistic Musc-"Any new features at
the musicale?" "Oh, yes; Mr. Brisque
sang Old Kentucky Home with pistol
obAgato. indianapolis Journal.
Six Months After Marriage.-''Weel,
weeI, Sandy. how dye like the little
lady?" "Ah, weel, Alec, III nae deny that
she has fine Conversational powers. Tit
Bits.
A Query .-Edith-He says if dont
marry MIN he-he doesn't know what
hen do
Ethel-Ah has the poor fellow no trade?
Puck
Hobbs; Well, how is the new cook get
ting on?
Mrs. HOODS: She's getting on her things
preparatory to leaving.-Phlladelph
North American.
Catching the Celestial Ballot.-Clancy:
1 wonder whoi Washington wore pig
tail?
Casey: Sure, OF dunno! Mebbe China
men nod votes in thin days.-Puck.
-Minister-What do you think of that,
Jane? That couple only gave me dollar
for marrying them!
Wife-WeN, l knew the moment they
came in they had both been married be-
fore Puck.
Excess of Loyalty.-The ship had en-
tered the Lesser Antilles. The Captain
who was a stickfer for FORM turned cas-
ually to the pilot. "Puert your helm" he
said. about Two points. Chicago Tri-
bune.
Madam" said the agent
Il am selling condensed history of the
United States. May l show" No" she
interrupted we don't want anything con-
densed. We've decided 10 give up our
fiat and take a house this spring. Chi
cago Times Herald.
what have you got your flag at half
mast for?" inquired somebody from across
the way. That isn't the appropriate thing
for George Washingto0's birthday"
Maybe YOU know more about 1t than I
do said the janitor OF the building in
his haughtiest manner. George Washing
tons dead, isn't hep After the obtrusive
caller mad gone away however, the jani-
tor slightly unbent. Something was the
matter with the tackle" he said, land
] couSdnt run it any higher, but l wasn't
going TO take the trouble to tell that fel-
low so. Chicago Tribune