davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1900-01-02
CaDIlh DIGlQIId Ua,.,...Ilju,Al
By A. T. CUTLER COUCH.
copyright, 1899, by A. T. CUTLER Couch.

[Copyright, 1882 by A. T. CUTLER Couch.l
dare sag you We never heard tell of |
my wiie's grandfather, Captain John
TackabiTd, or Cap'n Jacka, as he was
always called. He was a remarkable
man altogether. and he died of seizure
in the Waterloo year, an earnest
Methody all his days, and toward the
end highly respected class leader. To
tell you the truth, he wasn't much to
look at, being bald as coot anl blind
Of one eye, besides other defects. His
mother let him run too socn, and that
made his legs handy. And then a beo
stung him, and all his hair came OF,
And his eye he lost in little job with
the preventive men, bg!t his lid dropped
so you'd hardly know twas missing.
He'd way, 800, OF talking to himself
as he went along, so that folks reckoned
him silly. 1t was queer how that mag
got stuck in their heads for in ham
ding a privatcer or a Guernsey cargo
sink tie crop or run it straight
there wasil't his master in Polperro.
The very children could tell ZEE
I'm telling of the year when the
most of the business in Polperro,
free trade and privateering, was man
aged, as the world knows by Mr..
Zephaniah job. This Job, he came from
st. Ann s, by reason of his having SHE'D
some persons child out of window in
a fit of temper, and opened school at
Polperro. where he taught rule of three
and mcnsuration; also navigation,
though he only knew about it on paper.
BY and by he became accountant to all.
the free trade companies and agent Tor
the Guernsey merchants, and at last
blossomed out and opened a bank with
81 and GO notes and bigger ones which
he drew on Christopher Smith, alder
man of London. In those days gold was
so scarce that the Jews were buying
guineas for 81 shillings apiece, collect
ing them. folks said, for government to
send to the armies. You wouldn't see a
goldpiece in Polperro not once in 10
months.
Well, this Job was agent for a com
pany of adventures called the Pride
O. the West and had ordered new
lugger to be built for them down at
Mevagissey She was called the Unity,
100 tons Chat would be about so as
they measure now, mounting 16 car
riage guns and carrying 60 men, nice
and comfortable. She was lying on the
ways, ready to launch, and Mr. Job
proposed to Cap'n Jacka to sail over to
Mevagissey and have look at her.
Cap'n Jacka was pleased as Punch,
of course. He'd quite made up his mind
he was to command her, seeing that,
first and last, in the old Pride lugger
he had cleared over 40 per cent for this
very company. So they sailed over and
took thorough stock of the new craft,
and Jacka praised this and suggested
that and carried on quite as if he'd got
a captain orders inside his hat, which
was where he usually carried them.
Mr.. Job looked sidelong down his nose
he was leggy old galliganter with
silverish gray hair and jawbone long
enough to make Cap'n Jacka new
pair of shins-and said he, What do
ZEE think of herr"
"Well," said Jacka, "any fool can
see she'll run, and any fool can see
she'll reach. I reckon she'll come about
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1900-01-02
PUERTO RICO.

Three tours of the beautiful island
of Puerto Rico are scheduled to leave
Chicago January IL, February Is, and
March s. Special Pullman sleeping and
dining cars will convey the party to
New York, thence on board the SPLEEN
did new steamships, Ponce and San
Juan. through and around the island
by rail, automobile, carriage and boat.
TICKETS INCLUDE ALL EXPENSES
EVERYWHERE.
These select, limited parties will be
under the special escort of MIR. Waite
Boyd Townsend under the manage
ment of THE AMERICAN TOURIST AS
ISOLATION, Reau Campbell, General
Manager, 1923 Marquette Building,
Chicago.
Itineraries, Maps and Tickets can be
had on application to the agents of the
Chicago, Milwaukee & st. Paul R'y.
924.2.4
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1900-01-02

So aboard lie qUent aUit1t all his belong
ings.
as fast as the old Pride, and if she don t
sit higher the wind than the new rev.
enue cutter it'll be your sailmaker's
fault"
"That's a first class report said
Mr.. Job. ~ was thinking of offering
you the post of mate in her
Cap'n Jacka felt poorly all of sud
den. CAV" he asked, "who's to be
skipper, them"
"fhe company was thinking of young
Dick Hewitt. .
cav" said Cap'n Jacka again and
shut his mouth tight Young Dick
Hewitt's father had shares in the COM
pany and money to buy votes besides.
"What do ZEE think?" asked Mr..
Job, still slanting his eye down his
nose.
"I'll go home and take my wife's
opinion, said Cap'n Jacka.
So when he got home he told it all to
his funny little wife that he dotted on
like the apple Of his one eye. She was
small, round body, with beady eyes
that made her look like doll on a
penwiper, and she said, Of course, that
the company was a parcel of rogues and
fools together.
Young Dick Hewitt is every bit SO
good seaman as ! be, said Cap'n
Jacka.
He's boaster
$50 he is, but he's a smart seaman
for all -
II declare if the world was to come
to an end you I'd sit quiet and never say
word.
u dessay l should. I'd leave you to
speal, up for me
Paint ee going to say sothing.
then
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1900-01-02
spcc,as election No ,,..e

To the Voters OF the City !, Denison,
Iowa:
You are hereby ';etltied N accord
ance with law, tina. .here will be
Special Election held tuesday, Jan. 8,
1900, at which me the question of
Granting franchise to the Odebolt
Telephone Co, 10 o crate telephone
exchange and toll line in the city of
Denison, viii: tie voted on pro an. con.
99-4W CHAs. G. KEMMING,
MayOr.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1900-01-02

There is disease prevailing in this
country most dangerous because so decep-
tive. Many sudden deaths are caused by
it-heart disease, pneumonia, heart failure
or apoplexy are often the result of kidney
disease. If kidney trouble is allowed to ad-
vance the kidney poisoned blood will attack
the vital organs, or the kidneys themselves
break down and waste away cell by cell.
Then the richness of the blood-the albumen
leaks out and the sufferer has Brght's
Disease, the worst form of kidney trouble.
DR.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root the new dis
covery is the true specific for kidney, bladder
and urinary troubles. 1t has cured thousands
Of apparently hopeless cases, after all other
efforts have failed. At druggists in fifty-cent
and dollar sizes. A sample bottle sent free
by mail, also book telling about Swamp
Root and its wonderful cures. Address
Dr.. Kilmer & Co., Binghamton, N. Y. and
mention this paper.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05

OF late years the general view has
been that the interior of the globe,
though partly liquid, is for the most
part solid. Some have considered that
a section through the earth would
show the following:
o. An outer solid envelope, 2) n
semifud envelope, CD a fluid envel-
ope, ~ a smeituil envelope, 90 solid
nucleus. No. results from reduced
temperature only, No. 2 from pres
sure and temperature not quite sulli-
cient for liquidation, No. 8 from tenn
perature sufficiently high to produce
complete liquidation, No. from n
pressure SO great as to prevent even
the terrific heat which most certainly
exists deep down In the earth from
completely liquefying the material on
which 1t works, and No. 5 from pres
sure which overcomes completely the
liquefying power even Of the maxi
mum heat Of the interior.
This pressure Is estimated to be at
the center of the earth 7,1SO,593, $50
pounds to the square foot, a pressure
SO enormous that no known substance
could fuse beneath 1t. Even hydrogen
at the highest possible temperature
would under such conditions become
as hard as diamond. Hence 1t seems
probable that, far from there being n
vacuum at the center of the earth,
there is basis Of intensely solid mat
ter there. -Pearson's Weekly.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
Do Ynu Ent out Or Int

The number and variety Of knives
and forks that now grace well equip
ped and formal dinner table may well
dismay one unused to such variegat-
ed display of cutlery and silver. There
are forks for the oysters, for the fish
and for the roast and forks as well for
anything else that may be served.
There are also knives to correspond to
the forks that may be needed. These
indictments that social convention de-
crees to be necessary to convey food to
the mouth are usually laid out In for
midable rows on either side Of the
plate.
The other evening simple western
maiden Mt her first eastern dinner sur
veyed her supply of knives and forks
with growing trcpidation, Her COM
mon sense told her that they were laid
out In the regular order in which 1t
was intended that they should be used,
but nothing in her experience had
taught her which was the right end of
the row to start in with. Finally. in
despair, she sought help from her next
door neighbor, prominent physician.
"Say, doc" she questioned anXiously
rs she pointed at the offending objects,
do you eat out or inT'-Ncw York
Tribune.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
.------1--'
Eattleman or Gambler.

zone day last fall" said well
known Montana capitalist, Il was rid
ing on a train In my state and got to be
on pretty fair terms with the train boy
by buying a few Of the things he had
to sell. 1t was not very formal kind
of train, and when the boy had fin
ished his rounds he came over to sit
with me and chin a Bit as he said. l
was willing enough, as he was sharp
lad and there was nobody else to talk
to and he went right at things.
"'Do you know he said, that l can
tell by looking at man mighty near
what he Is. Now, there's that fellow
over there in the corner; he's Chicago
drummer. can tell him by the way
he let's his money go and the flip style
he has when he talks to people. And
that chap over there with the silk hat
on; he's preacher from n country
town, I'm dead sure, and I'll go ask
him If you say So
IL didn't say so because l didn't care
p continental. and the boy went on
With his descriptions of the people on
the train. At last | asked him what
he thought was. had on pretty
fiashy suit of light stuff and was think
ing | was looking pretty well, so was
willing to risk the boys venture. He
looked me over for full minute very
carefully.
"'Well,' he said at last, you've got a
sloo Of money, but amt dead sure
whether you are cattkman or a gam
Ter. washington Star.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
He CnsheS PnX ChCCl,a.

New York pays its employees by
check, and each pay day sees a great
many men with their whole month";
salary in their hand, but no money.
Various bankers whose places of busi-
ness are near the city hall are willing
to cash the city's checks, but they
charge a commission, usually 10 cents
on each 500.
The proprietor of a saloon near the
city hall is willing to cash the checks
without charging commission, and on
pay days his establishment Is damned
with officials. He makes his profit on
the increased sale of liquids ut his bar,
for no man after having his check cash
ed leaves the place without buying n
drink. The proprietor of the cstaD-
lishmcnt provides against the city pay
day by drawing $4,000 from the bank
and hiring man to take entire charge
of the check CaShing business. Ere
Oucntly the entire 81, 900 IS exchanged
for checks. When this happens, the
proprietor sends for more money. No
city employee asks to have his pay
check cashcd and is not accommodate
cd, and the extra pay dny sales at the
bar are considerable feature Of the
years tradc.-New York Sun.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
eayydust Graduates.

Most Of the circus acrobats and not a
few of the rough and tumble come
dams of the stage who have graduated
from the ring were reared and learned
the rudiments Of their business Ia the
lumber towns of the northwest. In the
business these are known as saw
dust towns" on account of the saw
mills, which are their chief industry.
There are many Of these in Wisconsin
and Michigan and several in Iowa that
have turned out the bulk of the aero
bats and tumblers in tle business.
In the "sawdust towns" the small
boys have exceptional facilities for
learning to turn somersaults and hand
springs In the great beds of sawdust
that surround the mills. Soon they he
Gin to try the more difficult feats they
see done IN the shows. that visit the
towns. After school hours they tum-
bic until 1t Is time to go home and do
the "chorcS." From out of them all
there generally rise two or three boys
who get the knack of the acrobatic
feats. and these work in constant IL
valry, each trying to excel the other
One day along comes n circus, ana
the best boy tumbler applies for job
and shows what he can do. Perhaps
he Is given n chance as top mount
err" or the top man in pyramid act,
because he is light and active. When
he gets older, heavier and stronger,
he may become an "understander, or
the man who holds Il mountain OF men
ON his shoulders. And thus he gets
to the show business.-EXchanSc.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
He Wanted n Drink.

Some years ago Colonel Crisp was In
New York, and being in attendance at
a certain notable political gathering In
Madison Square Garden was called up
on for speech. And did he accept!
Well, rather! Running his fingers
through his hair, adjusting his vest
and pushing up his coat sleeves, he
started in to sprinkle eagle feathers all
over the stage. Now, the colonel Is a
stout man and has thirst In proper
tiol1 In the course of his passionate
harangue he became very warm and
asked that some water be provided. In
compliance with the request diminu-
tive pitcher and dainty little glass were
brought and placed before him.
Colonel Crisp looked at it lntcntly for
q few moments, and then What Is
thisf' he Numbered.
''W-w-water," timidly answered one
of the vice presidents.
Young man." beloved the colonel,
his nostrils quivering with suppressed
rage, "either bring me q bucket and a
gourd or lead me to the branch.
sas City Independent.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
Wanted to Wnrn Him,

Sir Algcrnon West tells this story in
his "Rccollcctions:' One day the late
Sir George Campbell, who had very
stridcnt, loud, rasping voice, called on
Sir AlgernOn, who was then secretary
to Mr.. Gladstone, to talk over the land
question.
After he had been In conversation
about three minutes the office keeper
appeared, bearing the card of an NJ. l..
who, he said, was very anxious to see
Sir \lgcrnon. The latter said he was
sorry to be engaged In another min
ute he appeared with the card of Il we'll
known peer who was most DESTROYS to
have word with him. Again the lat
ter said he waA too busy to see him
just then. In another minute the man
again came In with Il huge card saying
the lord mayor and shrriifS of London
wanted TO speak to Sir .\lXcrnOn West
very urgently in the next room.
Sir Algrrnon apOlo=iZcl to Sir George
and went out to such great diGnitaricS.
When he got out of the room, the office
keeper startled lim by saying, "Thcre
amt nobody here, sir but | was afraid
q mailman had been shown in to You
by mistake and | wanted to warn yOu,
sir"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05

Our endurance would be tested to
the breaking point were our only re-
source the brick tea Of Tibet, made
and favored after the true Tartar
recipe. This tea, for the convenience
of pOrterage on camclS, IS made up
in the form of hard, solid bricklikc
Jumps, which are supposed to consist
of the stems and leaves of our ordinary
tea plant. But in the majority of cases
brick tea is merely the oitscourings Of
the tea plantation, together with dust
and adultrratIUn of endless other
plants. There is little of the crisp,
curly tea leaves to be found In these
Jumps.
When tea Is to be made, pieces are
Clipped off the bricks and Immersed
in boiling water. The result IS a dark,
strong favored liquid, with harsh, un-
pleasant taste. one merit alone 1t pos
scsses-it is undoubtedly stimulating.
The flavor OF the tea Is not improved
either to our taste by the additions to
it which the Tartar faVOrS. Instead
of cream and sugar, mutton fat and
salt are usually considered the correct
things to add, and it can readily be
imagined that the beverage thus pro-
duced does not present any particular
attraction to Lnglishmcn. - Good
Words
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05

There is more In a dog than mans
philosophy accounts for. No theory
of instinct-s sometimes defined as q
faculty prior to experience and indie.
pendent reason-will explain some ac-
lions Of a clever dog whose case is
reported by correspondent of the
London Spectators:
knew Il dog in Ireland-a retriever
who had been taught always to bring
his own tin dish in his mouth, to be
filled at the late dinner. For some
reason his master wished to make q
change and to feed him twice a day
instead of once.
The dog resented this, and, when told
to bring the dish, refused, and 1t could
nowhere be found, on which his master
spoke angrily to him and ordered him
to bring the dish at once.
With dropping tail and sheepsh ex-
preston he went down the length Of
the garden and began scratching up
the SOIL where he had buried the bowl
deep down to avoid having to bring 1t
at an hour of which he did not ap-
DrOyp
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
Complete EXtlnguishm ent.

RupeTt-It was a strange case! He
left the club one night to go to the
opera and was never seen or heard Of
afterward.
Harold-Disappeared as completely
as If the earth had opened and swal-
lowed him up, Ell?
Rupert-More so, If possible. In that
case he might have left his hat above
ground or there might have been a
crack left to show where he disap-
peared, hut this fellow, mind you, dis
appeared as completely as If he had
married an authoress.-Puck
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
Sheridan's wit.

Richard Brinslcy Sheridan was one
day dining with Lord Thurlow when
his lordship produced some fine Con
the Cape of Good Hope. Sheridan,
who saw the bottle cmpticd with un-
common regret, set his wits to work
to get another.
Failing in his attempt, however, he
turned toward a gentleman seated
farther down and said, "Sir, pass me
UP that decanter, for must return to
Madeira since cannot double the
Cape. San Francisco Argonaut.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
A Sprep on nCc.

An excellent ScOtchmHn had for 81
years brought homr bis fail wages
every week, says the Newcastle eng
landD Chronicle. once at the end OF the
period lie gave his wife SiNppncr less
than the full amount. This so distress
ed the thrifty woman that She went to
consult the mccnistcr on the subject.
He tried to comfort her by saying that
slXpence In 81 years was not Il large
amount.
ITS M the money am thinking of"
she replied, but am fearing that Mac
has been taking to drink and betting,
maybe and other worldly pleasures"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
She Was Willing.

Young Bffkins-Beforc you give me
your answer, Miss Ethel, want to tell
you that haven't a penny can call
my own, but my father Is quite
wealthy, and only yesterday he said
our home was sadly in need of a wo-
mans guiding hand
Miss Ethel-Well, you might mention
to your father that | would not be
averse to accepting a position as moth
er to his only boy.--Chicago News.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
Not Of That Nationality,

The Londoner tells the story Of a
gentleman who was much annoyed by
having his head pinched during the OPP
GRAFTON of hair cutting. The barber
apologized and explained that there
was an unusual bump there.
"Are you phrenologist? asked the
patient.
mo, SIR" answered the barber I'm
4 Swede"-London Globe.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
saved Her Life

rasgs-Hear about Mrs. Titewodd
~. y.u her husband she would XIII her.
III, II ne didn't buy her a new bonnet
nsss-What did Tltewadd do?
Riggs-Got estimates on f,,,o
FOUND he could save So bv huyIna u.s. thS
American. "'''''or'
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05

Quebracho is one of the profitable
woods in Paraguay. 1t yields an oX-
tract used for tanning leather. The
forests of Paraguay are full Of it. The
export of quebracho Is very consldera-
Bile, going principally to Europe, though
much is sent to the United States as n
product of the Argentine Republic, be-
ing shipped via that country.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
Answered the inquiry,

"What did you tell those people about
the fiat, ElzaY"
"Thcy asked Inc if it was good walk
Ing distance, and | told them it was"
"Gracious! Good walking distance
from whatW
GLOW do | know? They didn't say,
and wasn't going to be inquisitiye."-
Chicago Record.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05
Good Ear For That Music.

"Thore's man who has a good car
for music" remarked the dyspcptlc
man who was bothered by the piano
playing Of the young woman next door.
"Who, Dumley? Why, he's deaf as
post" replied his friend.
81 know he is" said the dyspeptic
nan.--Philadelphi Press.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05

Lying side by side in specially pre-
pared graves on the farm of the late
Robert Bonner in New York are the
remains of Dexter and Maud S, two Of
the greatest horses the world ever saw.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05

"You say that figures don't lie? Well,
permit me to fatty contradict you"
MAY ask your business"
"I'm dressmaker."-Cle Plain
Dealer.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05

Melt bceswaX four ounces, then add
Indian red one ounce, and enough yell
low ocher to produce the required tint.
Use enough to fill up holes and cracks
In the mahogany.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1900-07-05

In the western islands Of Scotland
there is no industry which eXerts SO
much influence upon the conditions Of
life as the herring fishery.