The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-09-02
SMART SHORT STORIES.

One day in presiding at table at his
country home in Windsor, VT. with a
swarm of grandchildren about him, Sen
ator William NJ. Evarts is said to hava
asked: What is the difference between
this goose before dinner and me after?'
After much futile guessing, he answered,
In quiet Slee: 'Now the goose is stuffed
with sage, and soon the sage''-pointing
to Eimself-'wiil be stuffed with goose"
Beaumarehais was -censured because he
made his personages utter too few fine
thoughts, and put too few poeticaI
phrases into their mouths. He answered
that this was not his fault He must
confess that during the whole time he
was writing he was engaged in the most
lively conversation with his dramatis per-
sonae; that while seated at his writing
table he was exciaiming. Figaro, prends
garde, lie Compile salt TOUT" "Ah, Com
Jesse, quelIe imprudenee, vite! sauve tot,
petit pager And then he wrote down the
answers-nothing more
A plumber who was sent to the house
of a stockbToker to execute some repairs
was taken by the butler into the dining
room, and was beginning his work when
the lady of the house entered. john
said she, with a suspicious glance toward
the plumber, remove the silver from the
sideboard and lock it up at once But
the man of lead was In nowise discon-
certed. ''Ton," said he to his apprentice,
who accompanied him, take my watch
and chain and these coppers home to my
missus at once. There seems to be dis
honest people about this house."
Anthony Hope Hawkins believes very
much in men of letters standing by each
other, and he has worked tremendously
hard to help on the fund which the Au-
thors' society, of London, is trying to
accumulate, from which pensions are TO
be paid to authors whose literary merit
has not brought them corresponding in
come, and who view increasing years
with fear. Recently an unfortunate
writer, who visited Mr.. Hawkins at hia
rooms in Buckingham street, by the En-
bankment gardens, exclaimed on leaving
with something in his pockets; ooh, sir,
feel tlat Providence must have sent me
to your And the reply came with a
twinkle in his benefactor's eye: LET us
hope, however that Providence will not
acquire the habit Of doing so.''
Secretary of State Hay is one of the
most patient Of men. He likes to be help
full to newspaper correspondents, and re-
ceives them freely In his office and gives
them such information and hints as the
proprietfes will permit. Even the repre-
sentatives of the sensational or yellow
papers are treated with courtesy, tn 9ugh
naturally with due caution. Imagine the
secretary's surprise one afternoon during
the heat of the Chinese crisis (says Wal
ter Wellman), when he was up to his
ears in work and anxiety, to hear from
the lips of William, his faithful mes
senger, these words: ''Mr. Secretary the
New York wants you to step to
the telephone" Mr.. Hay ga5ped, caught
his tongue in the nick of time, recovered
his diplomatic urbanity, and replied:
Say that the secretary expresses deep
regret that just at this moment he is very
much engrossed in important work. I'm
fortunately what he said under his bre ath
could not, under the rules of the tele-
phone exchange, be sent over the wires.
The king of Naples, In the plenitude of
his absolutism, paid one cay a visit to the
Neapolitans prisons in order to see for
himself what sort of men his criminals
were, and whether they really deserved
the .punishmerts they were undergoing.
What is your sentence?" he said to one.
what had you done?" Nothing what
ever" ttQuite innocent?" entirely so,
your majesty" And your" he asked
another. Thirty years, sire Victim OF
a false accusation" "And you:'' to q
third. I'm for life, my king "And
what had you done?" Every thing you
can think of, my king; theft, burglary.
highway robbery, manslaughter murder.
l only wonder they did not sentence me
to DEATH What is your name?' asked
the king. Ny name" replied the first
class criminal. since I have been here
has been BIZ After finishing his toGr of
inspection. the king said to the governor:
-.All the prisoners here seem to be per-
fectly innocent. There il only one bad