Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1900-12-06
LONG ENGAGEMENTS.
WHAT A CATHOLIC PRIEST SAYS ON
THE SUBJECT.

Many Old Maids-Absence Does Not
Make the Heart Grow Fonder-Eth-
les of Courtship.
"And will you wait for me, dearY
says the man.
"I will wait hundred years if neces-
sary, for / would rather die than mar
ry another man." answers the girl.
Then they separate. The man goes
to another city to make his fortune,
and the girl stays at home and waits.
All Is as it was before she met him
with this exception-that in her desire
to remain true to him she shuns the
society Of other men, and thus she
misses almost all the good times in her
particular set and becomes more and
more Of a recluse. Time passes on,
her old admirers console themselves
with other girls, and her friends marry.
And meanwhile what Of her? What
of the man to whom she Is indefinitely
engaged and for whom she is sacrific-
AA6 GA bAC bCob GdlO VI ACl JOulA.
He was a mere college graduate per-
haps when she first met him and in
the fullness of her love promised to
wait and marry him when he had
made his way. He goes out into the
great world, and in few months his
horizon broadens wonderfully. His
whole view of life undergoes change.
He shows this in his letters perhaps,
and the girl wonders at it and attrib-
utes 1t to other causes. Then she notes
that he has changed, and they have
their first misunderstanding, a thing
which would never have happened il
they had been together.
Perhaps on the very day he receives
her letter he meets another girl. In the
soft light Of the lamp on her tea table
he confides to her that he is unhappy.
She is so sympathetic! Her very pres
ence rests him from his labor at the Of
6ce. So he goes to see her oftener and
oftener. At first he may talk of the girl
at home to whom he Is engaged, then
after awhile they find other subjects of
common interest. Then the inevitable
happens-his letters become fewer and
fewer. At first the girl at home re-
proaches him, then she cries her eyes
out, and after long time her pride
comes to the rescue. and she tells him
that perhaps their engagement was
mistake. and she releases him. BY that
time probably all her chances of mar.
rying are gone, and she passes the rest
of her life alone. Even If she has
chances still 1t is ten to one that she
refuses to avail herself of them be-
cause she cannot rid herself of the
memory of the man she loved.
Has man any right to tell girl of
his love when he cannot support her
and consequently marry her? This is
q subject which has been widely dis
cussed. Some say he should at least
give the girl that consolation that she
may know that she does not love in
vain. Why give her that consolation?
For 1t Is like sweet sirup which con-
tains poison. woman is naturally
hopeful, and. knowing that her love is
returned, she will refuse to give him
up. On the other hand, suppose he had
not spoken. OF course her pride would
have been hurt, but pride heals. and
| then she would have forgotten and
| would have grown to love some other
man who could marry her and give her
the sort of home every woman should
have and of which no man has a right
to deprive her by substituting love
which can lead to nothing but misery
and anxiety.
There Is a priest In New York state
who has been preaching this to his
parishioners. Father Owens Is a bril-
liant and sympathetic man, with a
broad and thorough knowledge of hu-
man nature. After witnessing for some
time the disasters among his parishion-
ers caused by these long engagements
this is what he has to say on the SUBJ
5ect:
'T have established a rule in my
church against long courtships and pro-
tracted engagements. They are respon-
sible more than anything else for the
increasing number of old maids to be
found everywhere and in every class Of
society today. The girl who enters into
q long matrimonial engagement jeop-
ardizes every possible chance she has
Of marriage. Nine times out of ten. aft
er she has spent the best years of her
life waiting for her lover to come and
claim her, she Is left an old maid.
There should be no excuse, and there
Ia no excuse, for long courtship or q
long engagement. No young man has
the right to pay marked attention to
young woman for any length of time
unless his intentions are serious. and
no young woman has right to accept
those attentions for very long period
unless she feels that she can say yes
when the supreme moment comes.
Then. too, that young man has no right
to offer himself to that young woman
unless he Is In position to ask her to
name the day, and that some time
within the following six months. Mar
riage is often called lottery. but when
q girl enters into long engagement
she does not invest her stock of happi-
ness in anything even SO sure as lot
terry. 1t is more as II she were to stake
her last dollar on a horse race.
"The best years of the young WON
ans life are being wasted; the years of
her greatest physical attractiveness.
Every woman has the God given right
to look forward to some day becoming
happy wife and mother. have
very poor opinion Of the girl who does
not indulge in day dreams Of little
arms twlning about her ueck. Of soft
baby hands nesting in her BOSOM And
1t Is entirely right and wholesome that
she should dream such dreams. Mar
riaGe and maternity are her manifest
destiny, and courtship and betrothal.
aa hlazinp the WAY to that destiny cnn.