Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1900-03-14
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| Ida-She keeps her age well. doesn't
she? May-Yes; she can't get rid Of it
Chicago News.
"Why 10 Aguinaldo like q man who
lives by his witsy' Il dunno" He
carries his capital with him."-Chicago
Times-Herald.
Young Physician-When you have q
case which battles you. whom do you
call in2 Old Doctor (grufhy)-The un
dertaker.-Life.
What Is q bachelor, Aunt Martha =
''Oh, he's man who thinks every RI
that looks at him intends to marry
him" Journal.
Justifiable.-She-DOn't you think II
is better to marry for love than 70;
money! He-Certainly-if the con
tracing parties are both wealthy
Chicago News.
Ned-I wonder II 1t amazes girl
when q fellow catches her under the
mistletOe. Ted-It must: she alway,
seems to be rooted to the spot.-TOwh
Topics.
Maud-Tell me all about it. Mabel
Well. when it began he was on h 3
knees. Maud-And how did it end
Mabel-In the end-er-l was on III
knees.-Town Topics.
What is your occupation. my god
wOman?" said the examining attorney
to the witness for the defendant. 'Ofm
. washer-woman,, sOrr." Where d.
you hang Out?"-Judge.
DemOnstrative time-piece: "What a
beautiful hall clOckw exclaimed the
visitor. YES" said Mrs. Gaswell: Iii
cost us pile Of money. The pendulum
osculates just once every second
Chicago Tribune.
Her natural rights: Mamma don't
see where you get your red hair; you
don't get it from your papa. and you
certainly don't get 1t from me- Litii.'
DOrothy-Well. mamma. can't ! start
sOmething?-Puck.
Ralph-Suppose a fellows best girl
gets mad when he asks for a kiss:
Curtis-Take it without asking. Ra phi
Suppose she gets mad then! Curtis
Then he's got some other fellow'>
girl.-Harlem Life. -
Country Doctor (catechisingD- Now.
little boy, what must we all do in order
to enter heaven? Boy-Die. Country
Doctor-Quite right-but what must we
all do before we die? BOy-(set sick
and send for you.-Judge.
The doctor prescribes: J;mson-DOc-
tor, l am getting too stout for comfort.
and want your advice. Doctor: Moth
ing reduces flesh like worry; spend two
hours a day thinking Of the unpai.i
bill you owe me.-Tit-Bits. -
Mrs. Lash-What did you get baby
for a birthday present? Mrs. Rash-i
took four dollars and ninety nine cents
out of the little darling's bank and
bought him this lovely lamp for the
drawing g-room.-BostOn Beacon. --s
Football-Mrs. Newcome (her fir
game)-Oh! isn't it awful? HOrribi
Why. they will kill that man unie :
meath! Her Daughter ian enthusiast.
Oh! he doesn't mind it. mother: he's
unconscious by this time!-Puck.
Mrs. Kelly Il a. INFLOW could yea
get droonk widout a cint In your pOck
ct? Mr.. Kelly-Whoi, Rooney was talk
Hogan was talkfn' baby! All l hod to
do was to kape me mouth shut!-Puck
This % murderv' cried the enemy.
as the captain of marines opened with
the ships machine guns from the top
of the hill. mo, only a salt and bat
teryw we shouted back at them. thus
deftly adding insult to injury.--Detroit
Journal.
"Jaysmith fairly wOrships his wife
said FOsdick, and yet he won't give
her enough money to dress herself
properly" 1T isn't always the most
devout worshiper that puts the most
money on the collection-plate." replied
Keedick.-Town Topics.
Inquiring Child-Father. there's lot
in this book about Othello. Who was
Othello? Father-OthellO! Why. be $
me, my boy. do you mean to tell ne
you go to Sunday school, and don't
know a simple thing like that: i'n
ashamed Of you!-Tit-B Bits.
Parson New-Yo' expects me to mo. e
heah an preach fob yo' widout salary:
How does l lib? Deacon SnOw-W'y.
yo' gifts youah libbin' de same as d..
rest oh MS; but bein' er preachah de
dngah of suspishun doan nebbah point
In youah direckshun.-Judge.
Canyasser-"I have here q work
Master Of the House-"I can't read"
Canvasser-"But your children-
Master of the House-"I have no chill
dren" (triumphantly), nothing Luz
cat Canvasser-Well, you wait
something to throw at the cat. He
took the bOok.-Tit-B Bits.
who is your favorite author" in
quired the young woman who is col
lecting autographs. 81 don't know
what his name is," replied Aguinaido;
but the man who wrote He who
fights and runs away may live to fight
another day certainly knew his lu-i
ness"-WashingtO Star.
Prepari-g z Him for the Worst.