Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-09-19

Moody at all. I'm plain Dwight l.. Moo
dy, a Sunday school worker. And then
/ m not your American cousin; by the
grace OF God I'm your brother. interest
ed with you in our Fathers work foE
His children.
And now about this vote Of thanks TO
the noble earl for being our chairman
this evening" l don't see why we should
thank him any more than he should
thank us. When at one time they offered
to thank our Mr.. Lincoln for presiding
over a meeting in Illinois. he stopped it.
He said he'd tried to do his duty. and
they'd tried to 90 theirs. He thought il
was about an even thing all around"
That opening fairly took the breath
away from Mr.. Moody's hearers. Such Il
talk could not be gagged by any known
standard. Mr.. Moody carried his English
audiences with him from that beginning
to his latest labors.
Judge Ed Jared in his recent expert
ence as q census enumerat0r in Muir
freesboro had to get ''cullud lady's"
census, and the following dialogue wa.
called off:
How old are you. Nary"
''Oh. Lordy, mister, / dunno
Were you born in Tennessee
NO, sab. l was Dawn in Salem
Where was your father born?'
HHe Dawn OAR, too
Where was your mother bern?'
''She Dawn in Eagleville.'
Can you ready'
Yes, sab"
Writer
Yes, sah.''
Speak English?''
No, sab. ''-Murfreesboro News Ban
ner.
Among the Montana jocosities with
which Iiollin Lynde Hartt is RECALLING,
perhaps horrifying. large tenderfoot
constituency Of readers in the East is the
following tale, told in the Boston Tran
script, Of n newly-arrivcd Apostle to the
bronco-busters" who sought the loan Of Il
horse:
What tori inquired the man with
the sonlbrero, pistols and fringed leather
chaps
ITO spread the gospel answered the
parson.
So the cowboy, selecting Il meek-look-
ing little animal with a hang dog, shop
worn air about him. babe the young
clergyman make such use Of him as his
own comfort and the spread OF the Cos
pei might require. But scarcely had the
missionary got well astride when the
pony lowered his head. arched his neck.
twitched his tail, and began series Of
mad understanding from the ground
like jack-rabbit, landing with feet
driver, and incidentally rocking end-for-
end like Il Gloucester fishing schooner
'slung up by the nose on Georges The
air was suddenly filled with Testaments.
tracts and gospel hymns, and cloud Of
alkali dust, some forty feet away, showed
where the preacher lay sprawlng. Then
followed a passage Of clerical vituDera-
ton which struck terror to the heart of
man and beast.
WELL" said the ranchman by way of
apology. You wanted the cayuse to
spread the gospel. l gave you the best
un for the purpose. Amt he done it?''
The story of the Easthampton 5-year-
old boy who applied for marriage Ii
cense recalls d somewhat similar Incl
dent that happened in Buffalo not a hun.
dred years ago. The young Augustus
falso aged - came to his mother one
day with a brick in his hand, saying:
Mamma. | am going to build a house
in the backyard for little Elizabeth and
me. We're going to be married and
Bridget says she will cook for us. l told
Elizabeth she ought to furnish the nurse.
Don't you think So mammal
The Oysters September Joke Book: A
Ready Guide for the Assistance OF BIZ
valvular Humorists:
r there, my OysteR
The oyster is now an RtIcfe Of diet.
Oh Oyste
Remembe r.
The most cultivated Oyster finds nothin.
pleasing in the Rs Poetica
r ends the OYSTER.
The Oyster desplses the culinary RI
The Oyster would like to be an Rtful
Dodger.
ITO Rms, to Rms; the foe, they come
The Oysterd cry were he not dumb
Rdent love is not the Oysters kind
Did Noah have Oysters in the Rk?
The half grown Oyster stands a fair
chance of Rested Development these DAYS
The Oyster knows there r Jokes and
jokes.
The good Oyster is quite liable to be in
Rticulo morris about now.
September is the Rchimedean lever that
moves the Oyster world.
The oyster has left the Rmy Of the un-
employed.
Jokes on the Oyster never become
Rchaic
The unhappy Oyster looks upon septem-
oysters conjugate the verb to be Gn The
soup follows:
Weir
You r.
They r.
The Oyster fills all the Rteries of the
shellfsh trade at present.
Now is the time when the Oyster expects
W. ]. L. in New York Sun
A Glasgow paper reports that 'in a
country church one Sunday afternoon
the service was practically stopped for a
short time owing to the noise caused by
couple of dogs outside which started
worrying each other A correspondent
who sent the cutting to the Westminster
Budget, tells another Scotch story 1t
was once usual for Highland shepherds
to take their dogs to church and leave
them outside the pews. Two sheperds
at enmity sat ON opposite sides Of the
aisle one Sunday. Soon after the sermon
began the dogs-one collie and the 9th
er not-seemed to enter into their mas
ters' quarrel. One tender Of the flock
and then the other egged on his animal,