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Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
No Bathing Suits Big Enough.

There was story many times told, but
entirely without foundation, to the effect
that an English lecturer once informed.
his hearers that the men in America were|
smaller in size than Englishmen, and
asked any Americans who might be pres
ent to rise in confirmation of his state.
ment, whereupon Bishop Brooks and two|
other Americans of equally imposingt
stature rose in different parts Of the hail.
This story had no foundation, but it isl
true that DR.. Brooks was once traveling|
in the south of France with anotherl
bishop of the Episcopal church somewhat
surprising DR.. Brooks himself in size
and another man equally large. The
three men went one after another to the
proprietor of little bathing establish
ment and with serious faces asked to
be fitted to bathing suits. The surprise
Of the proprietor by the time the third
gigantic man appeared can. readily be
magined:-Ladies' Home Journal. ::
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
A College Joke.

My roommate (Jim) and myself had
| worked on some geology charts until
pretty late, and when we finally closed
the books Jim had promptly suggested
that we go down to the court for short
game before retiring. acquiesced, and
We went down. A half hour Of vigorous
exercises, and we were ready for the re-
freshing shower. This taken and follow
ed by good rub down, we assembled to
the main floor Of the building. Natural
~, both of us were in the best of spirits.
A full length mirror on the wall near
the doorway allowed us to see the main
entrance to the dormitory before any one
glimpse of us. No sooner had we closed
the door leading down'to the basement
than the front door banged loudly. OF
course, we both looked toward the mir
ror, in which we saw the reflection of our
chum Elbert, immaculate, as usual, in
his dress suit and tile hat:
Lets put up a game on Eibert," sug-
gested jim.
''An right: what shall we doy' 1 re-
piled. "He is out in that rig altogether
too often," by way Of apology for any
thing my mischievous pal might propose.
pretend he's full and that we happened
along just in time to carry him up stairs.
Come on. It'll be a bully good stunt"
Elbert, by the way, although by no
means total abstainer, prided himself
on his moderation and on the fact that
he had never been known to indulge too
heavily. On this particular night he had
been to some church affair early in the
h1l int kl1 11,,l
on his way home to play a few games of
billiards.
Quickening our steps, we met our chum
just as he was beginning the ascent of
the first flight. Hello, Elbert; out late
again?'' ''This will never do, old man."
"Have to tell Maud if you don't keep bet
ter hours, you old scamp!' 'What! Been
| drinking! And after a church festival
in the bargain! Oh, Elbert, you're going
to the devil fast" by the bones Of Me-
thuselah, but he's FULL" This last ex-
clamation from Jim, who promptly grab
bed the bewildered Elbert by the coat
sleeve and motioned me to do the same.
"What in Jericho is the matter with
you fellows?' snapped Elbert. 'Come
up to bed without waking the proctor.
It's late, and I've got a 9 o'clock recita-
tion in the morning. For heavens sake,
don't make so much noise!' This last
remark addressed to Jim, who was sing
ing and hiccoughing at the top Of his
| lungs.
Lean on me-" said the irrepressible
James. ':We'll get up all right with you,
old man, and we won't give it away.
Cad, but it's peach you've got! Where
did you find it? Careful. now, careful;
we're going by Professor Howard's
door,"
Suddenly the door of Professor How
ards room few open, and the venerable
dispenser Of Latin poetry gazed out at
the trio on the landing. For a moment a
look of surprise fitted over his handsome
face. He knew Of Elbert's much vaunt-
ed propriety. This look was succeeded
by broad grin. Get him up as quietly
as you can, boys. and give him plenty Of
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
The Source of wisdo,n

II wonder how Solomon became the
wisest man on earthY'
"Thats easily explained" replied the
man with the intellectual but worried
face. "You see, Solomon had a large
number Of families, and of course his
children asked questions, just as all
children do. have no doubt Solomon
was like anybody else and had a Ger.
tain dislike to exposing his ignorance.
When one of the children would ask
him something he didn't know, he'd
make believe he wanted a drink of wa
ter and then 60 out and look in the
back Of the dictionary. l shouldn't be
surprised If he were compelled to do
this 80 or 60 times day. Under sucl
conditions man couldn't help getting
wise."-Washington Star.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
Wealthy, but Couldn't Write.

Wealthy, but Couldn't Write.
'Hstels entertain good many people
who can't write," said the clerk of a
large hotel, ''and the bad pen comedy
is enacted quite frequently. OF course
the clerk has to be very careful not to
let the guest suspect that he is on to
the dodge, tor such folks are very SEN
sitive about their educational inirmi-
ties.
II once knew man who paid 81 200
4 year solely to keep hotel clerks from
knowing that he couldn't write his own
name. He began life as day laborer,
drifted out west and made fortune
through leasing supposed worthless
mine in Montana. When he accumu-
lated about $3.50, 900, he sold out and
started in to travel and have a good
time. He was naturally shrewd, but
he had never had q a+particle Of school
ing, and dodging registers at new ho-
tells became the chief worry Of his life.
AT first he used t6t tie up his hand in
a handkerchief and pretend it was
hurt, but he realized that the trick was
pretty transparent, and at. last he en-
ployed young newspaper man at 500
a month to travel with him as his Sec
retary.' The ex-miner never sent or re-
ceived any letters, he didn't care for
reading, and the secretary's >ne and
OILY duty was to sign hotel registers.
They would walk in together, and the
young chap would say deferentially,
Shall do the registering for us beth.
colonelT If you please his boss
would reply, and he would thereupon
write, Col. - and secretary, Mon
tana.'" New Orleans Times Demo
crat
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
!, seItzer. Man is but mortal. Good

bromo seltzer.* Man is but mortal. Good
night" .%.s - I, W. ri. ="
During the moment that the professors
door had been ajar we had pushed Elbert
violently from one side of the landing to
!: the other and had drowned all his at
tempts to explain. He now became fu-
rious, and his loud expostulations only
added to the din and brought more people
to the doors. s~&sz
,.'"What'll you take for it?'' Drunk
and dressed up" '"rake him down and
drown him." These and hundred more
like remarks were showered upon the
poor unfortunate as we lugged him along
The uncertain light and the persistence
with which Jim crowded Elbert's hat
down over his eyes from time to time left
no chance for doubt as to his condition.
Staid old graduates appeared at their
doorways in pyjamas and bathrobes and
stood there snickering as we bundled the
supposed jag through the halls.
These same fellows would have slam
med the door in disgust il any of the rest
of the top floor gang had awakened them
by coming home half seas over. They
looked upon Gilbert, however, as almost
too good for his associates. and his fright
full fall from grace made him an object of
derision. At last the top floor was reach
ed, and we let him go.
swell, you buffers, you've ruined my
reputation all right" said our suddenly
revived friend, "but l must confess it
was a good joke. was pretty mad
about the third floor, but I've cooled
down now. Come in and have drink.
l shan't try to square myself with How
ard and those stiffs down stairs. but do
call in our own gang and put them on.
It's too good to lose.''
The gang was called in and enjoyed the
joke hugely. Elbert was voted the best
fellow on earth, if he did come home
from church festivals jagged, and we all
settled down to game Of cards. Things
were too much stirred up to think Of
sleep that night.
The effects Of that joke were fearfully
farreaching, and l wonder that Elbert
did not cut our acquaintance. Maud
heard Of it and would not be pacified un-
til the whole floor went around and
swore that Elbert never touched a drop
except for medicine. For the whole Of
the rest Of that year our poor chum was
always getting unpleasant reminders of
the jag he didn't have. Not till Elbert
left college could the sedate crowd on
the lower floors be persuaded to believe
that he wasn't as bad as the worst Of
the top fighters. However, the fact re-
mains that was never party to prac-
tical joke that worked with better sue
cess.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

The general store of Chas. Gravel
at Gravelville wss broken into
through the front doors Saturday
night and some groceries and tobac.
ca stolen. There is no clue.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
An Awful Loss.

"@ At q fre in Cambridge, Mass, an oc-
cupant Of the damaged house was be-
wailing the loss Of her purse. Several
firemen Joined in a search for the miss
ing pocketbook, but after spending
some time in their quest were still un-
successful. Finally the chief said to
the woman:
"How much was in the pocketbook?'
AS she answered. Fifty cents" the
look Of disgust on the chiefs face was
too evident to be mistaken.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

w, W. Higgins and family and
Miss Grace Brooks are here from
San Diego, Cal,. and staying at j..
81: Anderson's home. Mr.. Higgins
has bought an interest ia the Ander-
son factory and will remain here.
Miss Brooks has bought the Framp-
ton house on the West side, and will
move in as soon as repairs are
made,
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Miss Elizabeth Thayer has n turned to
Rochester, N. Y, after visit with Mrs.
NJ. M. Williame.
Mrs, {. Van Buskirk and children have
returned from Northfield.
Mrs. A. NJ. Riley OF Mianeapo,isis is visit
ing relatives here.
Jos. Vertin OF Breckinridge visited re-
la.ives here.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

The Hennepin paper company
will have a machine shop of it's own
and lathe, drill, press and planer
have been purchased. Peter Page
will have charge OF the shop. which
will be located in the basement, and
power will be supplied from the regu-
lar water wheels which supply the
mills.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
COME: AND GONE

Henry Roeenbolts of st. Paul visited
friends here.
Geo. Wilson was up from Royaltou
Saturday.
y. T. Calhoun was up from St. Cloud
Saturday.
F. W. Lewis returned to Madison, Wis.
after visit with bis brother Frank.
Miss Clara Verify OF St. Paul VAS the
guest OF Mrs. Geo. Schroeder.
S, s. Langmade was down from Ran
dali Saturday.
DR.. Fortier is back from Canada.
Miss Jameson of Elk River, who waf
the guest OF Mrs. J. A. Kennedy Friday
went to Brainerd Saturday.
Barney Gross was in from Pierz Tues.
day.
Barney Fietsam was up from Royal.
ton Wednesday.
Mr. and Mrs. John Reede returned
Monday from the Twin Cities.
The September term of district court
begins next N Monday.
Miss Lizzie Rothwell has returned
from Minneapolis.
R. Marotte returned from St. Pan]
Saturday night.
DR.. Gray OF st. Paul was in the city
Sunday.
Mrs. Richard Dunn went to Mime.
apolis Monday.
Dana Brown was in Brainerd Monday.
Y. Janauzewski was in Motley Mon.
day.
B. Burton was in Bemidji on business
THE week.
Mrs. Mary Kajwa returned to Phi'a.
delphia after visiting Pike Creek rela.
tives.
Henry Wise OF Brainerd wasin thecity
few days.
Mrs. A. Simo2et and NJ. V. Wetze
have returned from Saltwater.
Mre.R Y.McNairy and son Bartlett are
back from Lake City.
Miss Mary Davies OF Elmdale was il
the city Saturday.
Cora Raymond ret urned to St. Clouc
after visit with her aunt, Mrs. J. W
Berg.
Mrs. c. H. Brown is back from 81
Cloud.
Miss Clara Bower returned to St
Paul Wednesday.
Walter johnson came from Enderlin
N. d., to visit his parents.
Howard Bailey was down from Be
midi Wednesday.
Mrs. J. Mecusker and daughter Mar
jory visited in St. Paul.
B. Feltsam vas up from Royaltou
Wednesday.
Rev: R. E. Pope of Minneapolis vas
the guest OF Rev. Carman Tuesday.
Miss Jennie Mcdonnell of Lincoln
visited her friend Miss Nellie O'Shea.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Rev. Hicke prophesied that a West
India hurricane would strike our
south coast on the 8th or 9th of
September, 1900. also that a polar
wave would + ollow it. The
new almanac ill be ready in Octo-
Der for next year and will be given
as q premium with this paper.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
To Philip Sober.

When woman who asked Philip Of
Macedon to do her justice was sEabbed
by the petu]ant monarch, she exclaim-
ed, philip, shall appeal against this
judgment"
"Appeal!' thundered the enraeed
king. "And to whom will you appealr'
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
The Adasculine View.

Gentleman-My wife has lost her wa
terproof, and she wished me to stop mi
here and order another sent up at once,
as it looks like rain.
Dcaler-Yes, sir. What sort, sir?
Gentleman-Um-I've forgotten thel
name. but it's one of those that make al
woman look better dressed in well
weather than she is in dry weather.
New York Weekly.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Isabelle. little daughte r of Mr.. and
Mrs. +. W. Lyo on, entertained num-
Der of young friends Saturday after
noon, on the occasion of her ninth
birthday.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Butler & Ryan, the St. Paul firm
who will build the additions to the
Brainerd shops. are negotiating with
the Little Falls yards for brick.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

"A Kings Daughter" was pre-
sented at Grose opera house Tuesday
evening under the direction of Mrs
G. NJ. A. Fortier for the benefit of the
French Catholic church. Those
taking part did very we'll, and the
songs aud tableaux were much ap-
p:eciated. Nearly 800 was netted
by the church.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

The old switch engine No. 971,
which has been in the Brainerd shops
being repaire !. was run down from
there Sunday and is again in use.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Staples World: A letter from A.
L. Ritter, who is now at Spokane,
WASH, says we need not be surprised
if we should see him and his family
back in Old Minnesota soon.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

W. F. Krause will open his harness
shop ut the old location on First ave.
nue. south, next week, with full line of
harness and eaddlery goods.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Sidney Swindell is driving Hall &
Co.'s delivery wagon, in place of
Martin Johns, who is now with the
Little Falls Packing Company.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

The little son of =. D. Tidd of the
West side fell Sunday morning and
fractured bone of the left forearm.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
RAPTIaT CHnRCu

Baptist CHURCH,
Service Sunday morning at 1890
O'Clock.
Sunday School after morning service.
Juniors at p. NJ,
Y. P. s, G. E. at Z P, M.
Sermon-7:3O.
Morning sermon, 1.-The Root of
Evii' and in the evening, "The root
OF Goodness" These sermons will be
illustrated by charts and be of more
than usual interst,
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

C.H. .Vining has moved his stock OF
paints, wall paper, etc., to the store
recently moved to FIRST avenue
south.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Don't buy your shirts and UNDER
wear before you see that huge stock
and lowest prices at Viktor Bros.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Miss Beatrice Hunt. who has been
in charge OF the Western Union Office
during Miss Searle's absence left for
st. Paul Sunday.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Mat Grsge, a paper mill employe.
had an instep fractured Tuesday by
the falling OF block he was carrying.
He will be unable to work for several
weeks
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Frank Farrand, lately employed
by the E. & W. Co., has taken posi-
tiOn with the st. Cloud Electric &
Gas COMPANY.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Fred Pehrson, for some years en-
ployed at Bracke's tailor shops is
now with A. g. Lee on Broadway.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Gruber & Co., who are laying the
tile sidewalk at the court house, have
rented the west half OF what was
formerly the Lauerman building
on First avenue south and have es-
tablished their workroom there
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Foreman Geo. Schoonmaker and
bridge crew, Of Staples. are doing
some repair work for the Northern
Pacific in this city.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Burton & H)s;h su ccessfully ex
hibited the Franklin churn at the
state fair and sold several county
rights.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Mr.. and Mrs. A. w. Zaloudek at
tended the funeral OF relative in the
southern part OF the state.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

The Crookston brewery branch OF
the Kiewel Brewing company will be
enlarged.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

The case of Mrs. Peter Kerwatt
against Peter Kerwatt OF Pierz, for
assault. vas dismissed on motion OF
the county attorney in Justic Collins
court Wednesday, Lack of sufficient
evidence,
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Miss MaryTurner: instead of enter
ing Hamline university again, has
been admitted to the sophomore
class of the state university.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Chas. Lekin and Mrs. Evelyn SWIM
dell, both old residents of this Sec
tlon, were married by Judge Rich
ardson Thursday evening last week.
They are making their home with
Andrew Olson on Second street
southeast.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Albert Peterson o. Aitkin is in
charge OF the photograph gallery in
the Rhodes block.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
"McKIBBIN HATS''-Holl THEN
color. Sold by Viktor Bros.

Rev. Haslam attended the EpiscO-
pal deanery m eetin e at Alexandria
this week.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

The home OF Albert Trapp OF Parker
was burned Monday. There was $500
insurance.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

W. G. Turner aad Nat han Turne r
of Brainerd, father and uncle of
Frank Turner, visited relatives here
several DAYS here last week.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

j. A Kennedy and Geo. Mceglein
lost valuable dogs through poison
Monday night.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Rev. A. II. Carman has moved
from :he Nelson house on Second
street southeast to the Sehleusener
house farther north on the same
street,
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Miss Bessie Burial will teach
school at Herman. Mlnn., commence
ing next Monday.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Mrs. J. 81. Seal is i'll with rheuma-
tism.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Miss Ella Smith OF st. Paul will be
trimmer for Mrs. A. Dumont this fall.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Your neighbors will advise you to
buy shoes and clothing at Viktor
Bros.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Mss Odelia Skoog, a teacher in
the Rockford en- schools is visiting
relatives here.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Mrs. Margaret Koch of Culdrum
Was adjudged insane in probate court
Wednesday and taken to Fergus
Falls. She is over SO years of age,
and partially paralyzed. She beats
herself when the spell come on her,
and has to be restrained.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Frank Rauch OF Agram paid $5.15 in
Justice Collins court Wednesday, on
complaint OF John Edensching. The
trouble is said to have begun in q die-
pute as to the ownership of a pipe. Ed.
Ruff OF rierz also paid IS. Is in the same
court, on complaint OF Chas. Flecken-
stein. Charge, assault and battery. ;!
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Geo. Foster was in Long Prairie
this week selling the Franklin churn.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Miss Georgia COrnwell will enter the
university this fall, taking scienti-
fic cOurs,.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Oscar and Albert, little sons Of Peter
johnson. have been cent to the Fari-
bault school for the blind.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
Mrs. VIM: Gvrcck ia i'll.
Milton Ridlund has gone to Brain.

Miss Elsie Camp is again in charge
of the telephone central office.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Miss Emma GARNER fs attending
school at St. Joseph.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Miss Ida McCauley will be trimmer
at Mrs. Hosch's millinery establish
ment.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

Daily arrivals Of new fall
goods at. Turner Dry Good
Co.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

"ldcKIBBIN r1ATS"-None better
made. Sold by Viktor Bros.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14
METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH

METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH
Morning at 1890.
Evening, 1870.
Noon-Sunday school.
The Epworth League at $50.
All are invited.
Rev. J. T. B. Smith, Pastor.
Norwegian Lutheran.
Coming Sunday.
$50 A. M. Sunday School.
10:3OiServices.
S. K. Thollehaug, Pastor.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

The Little Falls Granite Co. will fur
nish the granite curbing. l4OO, feet, Tor
the court house walks.
Little Falls herald., 1900-09-14

- = - -.
The Little Falls Granite Co. will fur
nish the granite curbing, 400 feet, for
the court house walks.
Oscar and Albert, little sons OF Peter
johnson. have been cent to the. Fari-
bault school for the blind.
Mr.. and Mrs. A. W. Zaloudek at
tended the funeral OF relative in the
southern part OF the state.
Fred Pehreon, for some years en-
ployed at Bracke's tailor shops is
now with A. g. Lee on Broadway.
W. F. Krause will open his harness
shop ut the old location on First ave.
nue. south, next week, with full line OF
harness and eaddlery goods.
Mat Grsge, paper mill employe.
had au instep fractured Tuesday by
the falling OF block he was carrying.
He will be unable to work for several
weeks.
Rev. A. II. Carman has moved
from +he Nelson house on Second
street southeast to the Sohleusener
house farther north on the same
street,
Staples World: A letter from A.
L. Ritter, who is now at Spokane,
WASH, says we need not be surprised
if we should see him and his family
back in Old Minnesota soon.
The case of Mrs. Peter Kerwatt
against Peter Kerwatt OF Pierz, for
assault. vas dismissed on motion Of
the county attorney in Justic Collins
court Wednesday. Lack OF sufficient
evidence,
Gruber & Co., who are laying the
tile sidewalk at the court house, have
rented the west half of what was
formerly the Lauerman building
on First avenue south and have es~
tablished their workroom there
Chas. Lskin and Mrs. Evelyn Swim.
dell, both old residents of this Sec
ton, were married by Judge Rich
ardson Thursday evening last week.
They are making their home with
Andrew Olson on Second street
southeast.
Mrs. Margaret Koch of Culdrum
WAS adjudged insane in probate court
Wednesday and taken to Fergus
Falls. She is over SO years of age,
and partially paralyzed. She beats
herself when the SPELL come on her,
and has to be restrained.
Frank Rauch OF Agram paid S. in
Justice Collins court Wednesday,, on
complaint OF John Edensching. The
trouble is said to have begun in die-
pute as to the ownership of a pipe. Ed.
Ruff Of rierz also paid $5.15 in the same
court, on complaint OF Chas. Flecken-
stein:' Charge, assault and battery. !:
---
"A Kings Daughter" was pre-
eented at Grose opera house Tuesday
evening under the direction of Mrs
G. NJ. A. Fortier for the benefit of the
French Catholic church. Those
taking part did very we'll, and the
songs aud tableaux were much ap-
p:eciated. Ne early 800 was netted
by the church.
Daily arrivals Of new fall
goods at. Turner Dry Good
Co.
Don't buy your shirts and UNDER
wear before you see that huge stock
and lowest prices at Viktor Bros.
Mrs. j. 81. Seal is i'll with rheuma-
tism.
Mss Odelia Skoog, a teacher in
the Rockford (lh,) schools is visiting
relatives here.