Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-06-12

Jimmie hurried off and soon reap
pcared, and handed the delighted Sandy
his change.
Did Simpson no jalous onything?" he
asked.
>'Ach,'' said Jimmie, Z didna fash
gaen so far as Simpsons. I just passed
it IN yer ain shoppie.
Are you the lady of the house?" asked
the boy, as the door was opened in re-
Spouse to his ring.
girl
Can l see the lady herself?"
She's out. Is it anything in particu-
lar?''
Not very. When she comes home. tell
her a boy left word with you that the
back Of the house was all on fire and
ought to be attended to as soon as con
venient if she don't want TO mover'-
Exchange.
will you please examine that dia-
mOnd, said Il man who had stepped into
a jewelry store and tell me what you
think Of 1t! If it is good stone | think
| will buy il"
The jeweler took the gem. which was
unset. and looked at it critically for a
moment. Then, in confidential tones. he
said: We'll. to tell you the truth. that
isn't very good stone. 1t hasn't much
fire; It IS badly cut, and there is some
thing here that looks very much like a
flaw" Then he held the diamond I'M
der q microscope and examined it care
fully, finally observing: No. it isn't ex-
actly a flaw, but l shouldn't call it a
perfect stone. Now, if you want some
thing really fine, | have here
Excuse me-. the other man interrupt
ed; I don't think I'll buy a diamond to-
day. This IS stone that one Of your
assistants let me take on Saturday on
approval. L deposited tS on it. Please
let me have my money and we will de-
clare the deal off.'-Tit-Bits.
Thomas *. Beecher, who recently died.
once prefaced u sermon preached AT Plym-
onth, for his brother, with the startling
intlmat.on: "All those who have come
here to worship Henry Ward Beecher
Will now have Il chance to retire: all
those. who have come to worship God will
remain"
The professor was hurrying with a
friend to catch a train, when he stopped
suddenly and exclaimed, There: I've
come away and left my watch
Lets go back and get it, suggested
the friend.
NO, | don't believe we shall have
time said the professor, and he drew
the lost watch out of his pocket. looked
carefully at the dial, counted the min
utes and added: NO, there won't be time
enough
Then he pressed on toward the station
saving: "Oh, well, l suppose l can get
along all right for one day without Il
watch."-Collier's Weekly.
Salesman-''The very latest Bible?
Yes, ma am, this is it"
Lady-"It has a place for family rec
Ords? | supposed
SaIesman-"Yes, ma am, for all Of
Lady-"That's not the latest. | want
one that has a place for divorces. >
Philadelphia Press.
Have you heard that the engagement
between George and Emily has been
broken" asked Clara.
Yes replied Gertrude. Il went to
see Emily and she told me just what had
occurred It is all due to her absent
mindedness. Her head was on his shout
ders and she wanted to suggest that he
should take her to the opera, and she
said
DO you know, dear Frank-?'
Dear George he corrected her
fondly.
'She sighed, and inadvertently said !:
Yes. to be sure; but how stupid of me-
l thought this was "Wednesday night
George will sail for Europe next
week." said Gertrude.-Philadeph
Call.
II had horrible dream last night. ;"
said Huddleson. when he came down tC
breakfast the other morning.
what was it?'' asked his wife
Il dreamed that | was in purgato~y,
and was made to do all the things ] had
told my friends | would do if / were in
their place. Brooklyn Life.
George W. Peck was running little
country weekly in the pineries in the ear
ly COS. 1t was an unimportant sheet
save for one column Of jokes which Peck
caught the eye of Brick Pomeroy, who
was then printing his Democrat in La
Crosse, Wis, and one day he wrote to
Peck, asking him whether he would be
willing to go down to La Crosse and
work for the Democrat at $50 a week
telegram: Il accept your offer quicker
than instantly. For heavens sake, don't
withdraw it,
Benevolent Lady-"You say you have
wife and six children? Where are
they:' Beggar-"Im all alone. My
boys are at Harvard, my girls are at
Vassar and my wife is in Paris visiting
the exposition. Judge.
He-''Yes, dearest / have loved before
we met; but let us not dig up the past"
She-"Oh all right, then; if you don't
want to dig up the past, why. let's not
dig up the future either. Life.
"Was the car crowded you came in on
this morning?" Not very replied the
east side citizen. II had strap all to
myself. New York Press.