Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1900-01-04
Mr.. Bowser's Consumption Cure.

Mr.. Bowser's Consumption Cure.
"We have gallon kettle in the
house, of course ?" queried Mr.. Bow
ser, after he had reached the end Of
his cigar the other evening.
Certainly" replied Mrs. Bowser,
"but why should you want gallon
kettle"
"Do you know how many people
die OF consumption in America every
year ?" he asked in turn.
"No."
"Well, the number is close upon
million, and in all but a few cases
death ensues because the proper rem
edies are not obtainable when the
dread disease is in its incipient stage.
Out of every fifty deaths by cOnsump-
ton forth-nine are poor people, who
are not saved because they have no
money to buy a remedy. -
well ?"
"Well, II have a remedy.
you've got a cure for consumption
which you are going to give away to
the poor?"
That's it, Mrs. Bowser-that's the
idea. I can save EN- all, you know,
but if I can rescue 5000 of my fellow
creatures from death every year l
shall feel amply repaid for the few
dollars it will cost. am going to
make cure for consumption and dis
tribute it free gratis through the
drug stores and physicians. "
That's all nonsense !" exclaimed
Mrs. Bowser with considerable tart
ness in her tones. You've simply
got some new fad to work out, and
this turning philanthropist is bosh.
You'd better let consumption alone
and cure that corn on your toe.
"You-you are talking to me, are
you" he asked as he put on his
spectacles to get a clearer look at
her.
"Of course | am.
"And being fully aware that | am
your husband"
But you make me impatient with
your fads. Some quack doctor has
been working you for soft snap.
soft snap ? Quack doctor? Woman,
don't want to hear any more such
expressions. l don't want my home
turned into a minstrel show. If you
wish to oppose my idea, founded upon
the noblest and grandest sentiments
of the human heart, do SO, but do it
with dignity. You object to my saw
ing 5000 human lives per year, do
you?"
Il do.
"You want me to go my way with
out care while million Of my fellow
beings are marching to their graves
eyes, sir"
"And not extend hand to draw
one of them back p
"Not a hand. You'd better attend
to your own business and let the doc.
tors look out for consumptives. "
Mr.. Bowser stood and glared at her
for full minute. His face flushed,
his ears twitched, and his Adams ap-
pie worked up and down like a toy
monkey on a stick. He had just
drawn long breath to utter yell,
when he checked himself and turned
away. He had left a number Of pack
ages on the hall-tree, and securing
these, he proceeded to the kitchen
and asked the cook for the kettle.
Is it going to be an experiment
with gunpowder?" she asked, as she
handed it to him.
My dear woman" replied Mr..
Bowser, as he looked at her sharply,
u think you betray signs Of cOnsumP-
ton.
at can't bel
"But I'm sure of it. Do not be
alarmed, however. l am about to
compound a certain and speedy cure.
One bottle will restore you to health,
and it won't cost you a cent. l pro-
pose TO save 5000 lives this year.
IF I've got consumption, m going
right away to my sisters tonight =
exclaimed the cook, as she united her
apron.
But you can be saved.
"But can't wait.
NJ D.