The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-03-29
SMART SHORT STORIES.

The Duke Of Wellington used to tell a
story of a Frenchman who. to enforce his
contention that we are mere creatures OF
habit, exclaimed: For example, We
wash our hands, but never our feet
The Iron Duke" probably had not heard
of the English duchess OF century be-
fore, who, when some one remarked how
dirty her hands were, said: Lord, that;
nothing; you should see my feet!'
Lord John Russell was not tactfuI. On
one occasion he took the Duchess Of In
verness down to dinner, and, after he had
sat down for minute, he jumped up and
went to the opposite side of the table, and
sat by the Duchess Of ST. Adams. His
wife asked him afterward why he had
done it. He said: Il should have been
Ill il 1 had sat with my back to that great
fire. Il hope" said Lady John, you
gave your reason to the Duchess of H.
Verness." NO" he said, 81 didn't; but
L told the Duchess Of St. Albans!
An eccentric Maine preacher was re-
Gently driving along country road, an6
overtakfng young man tramping his
weary way on foot invited him to a seat
in his sleigh. After he was comfortably
seated the preacher rolled the whites OF
his eyes up under the visor Of his cap
and said. in sepulchral tones; young
man, are you prepared to die?" With AT
ear piercing scream and a back-somer-
sault over the back of the sleigh, the
young man made for tho dense woods
and has never been seen in those parts
since.
The fifth Duke of Devonshire and his
brother. Lord George Cavendish, were
noted for their taciturnity Once, when
travelling down in Yorkshire, they were
shown into a three-bedded room. The
curtains of one Of the four-posters We're
drawn. Each brother in turn looked in
and went to bed in another of the three
beds Toward the close Of the next day 5
posting one brother said to the other:
Did you see what was in the bed last
night?" Eyes, brother" was the reply.
They had both seen corpse.
A Scottish paper tells an anecdcte in
connection with the new electric system
just opened in Aberdeen. Two farm SER
wants came to Aberdeen to spend New
Years day. Arriving by train, they i'm
mediately made their way to the ter
minus Of the electric tramway circuit.
where after looking at the new creation
with much wonder, they decided upon
having a ride. Getting ON to the top
Of the car, and after getting we'll along:
"Wull." said man Jock, ''this is a graun'
invention. In Edinburgh I saw them
drive the cars wi an iron rape aneth the
street, In Dundee they pu them with an
engine, but, MIGHTY man, wha wad a.
thocht they could ca them WI fishing
rod!'
A young business man recently on q
business trip happened to stop couple
Of days in Philadelphia. He wanted to
get some advertising, and had read about
the king of the dudes" He had $40 to
spare, and he accordingly went to a bar
gain sale at which they had lot of last
summer socks at so cents a pair. He
spent the money on these things, and
went out of his way to get the most BIZ
zarre effects in the place. Then he spent
the day in the corridor Of the hotel slit
ting in a conspicuous place showing off
the socks. He would wear a pair for
about twenty minutes, go to his room,
change, and, coming down, show off an
other design for about the same time.
He did this for almost ten hours, and nat
urally attracted quite a good deal Of at
tention, but he could not break into the
newspapers. The only recognition he got
was from the clerk, who, when he was
paying his bill, said: You ought to pat
ent that invention" whats that?" ask
ed the sock man, with an anticipatoTy
smile. as he expected something compli-
mentary about his scheme. But the clerk
crushed him with the query: Don't you
do that for cold feet?"