The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-07-11


In private she mObiled. She steadled her
speech with sentiment, but her actions
were incomprehensible, brOwninged, and,
as regards their definite purpose, ruth
lessly kitchenered."
The difficulty experienced by foreign
ers in mastering the English language
is often ridiculously illustrated by signs
displayed before their places of business
Down on Chr. Stian street, where there
are lot of ''sweat shops" sign was
noticed yesterday which read: Wanted
Hands on Goats" A cobbler in the
same neighborhood displays the follow
ing sign in front of his shop: Shoes
Half Sold and Healed While you Wait"
Philadelphia Record.
Mai J. J. Dickinson of Missouri, now
Washington correspondent, tells this
convention story about Winfield Taylor
Durbin Republican nominee for govern
or Of Indiana: "Durbin had Senator
Hanna cornered in the lobby of a hotel,
and they had earnest conversation. AS
soon as it was over three score newspa-
per men crowded in upon Col. Durbin
and wanted to know something of the
cOnfab. Get out your notebooks, said
Durbin to his journalistic tormentors,
and take down literally what l say, or
between me and Mr.. Hanna. In jify
fifty sharpened pencils were poised over
sheets of white paper. Are you ready"
inquired Durbin. we are historically
screamed the Journalists in chorus.
Well said Durbin, speaking slowly and
with MOCK seriousness, L was trying to
borrow 80 from Hanna, but he STAYED
me off with the usual excuse-he didn't
have it. -
-:O=:
Father was busily writing at his desk,
when little Phil toddled in holding up
p:nched finger for inspection.
Look, dad!'' he exclaimed with tears
in his eyes.
u But ut daddy a;H was busy, and only glanced
Run away, laddie. Father can't make
it any better"
"Oh, but you could, daddy" he said.
"You might have looked s'prised and
said OH "-Pea1sons Weekly.
The Lady Bountiful of the parish was
going her rounds, and called at a small
cottage occupied by model peasant
whose wife had been an invalid for
some years, relates the New York Teie,
gram.
And how is Mary today?" inquired
the visitor.
Just about the same, thankee kindly.
men, was the reply.
did she enjoy those little things |
sent her Yesterday" asked the lady.
THE things come all right, mem, an
make so bold, weuld We not send her
any more of that jelly? Some jam
strawberry jamie much more sootable,
men,
"Why, doesn't she care for the jel;y?,
was the natural query.
Eyes. mem, she do; but 1 can't say as
I does"
''Set fire to the city," commanded the
Dowager Empress.
May / ask why, sublime sister-in-law
of the celestial spheres?' inquired the
head of the household watch guard.
Il am burning the city" replied the
Empress, 80 that there will be no
Pekin around here!"
And gathering up her brocaded train
of real China silk, she swept like a wa
ter-logged junk from the apartment
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Julian Ralph's powers of description
are quite extraordinary. Though they
lead him at times into seeming extraya-
gance. yet they greatly enliven his nara
tive, relates an exchange. He advises
the traveller in South Africa to take
along hg lear for daytime costume
and a Laplander's suit for night All
during each twentyfour hours. AS for
healthfulness, not even Colorado can
compare with it.
10 go to Colorado you must be mil
lionaire with only one lung. and Won
must keep your lung and part with your
million. But here the rule is to come
penniless with no lungs. Thus estab-
lIchn
come a millionaire
No wonder the British thought South
Africa worth fighting for.
Il beg your pardon" said one man to
another in a train; but | am the man
ager of a circus. and | have a vacancy
now for strong man.
We'll, what of it?'
why, sir, | saw you open the car
rage window, with no apparent effort,
and L thought perhaps we could agree
on the terms and you could begin your
engagement immediately. ''-Tid-Bits.
Too Tame for Him-'.No," said the st.
Louis man, II didn't enjoy the street car
ride you gave me. The scenery was all
too tame Ta as' eyes Yes ou At II bo mas
I'm used to being blown up at every sec
Ond street car corner. '-Cleveland Plain
dealer.
When I was with the "a Mustard
Plaster company, taking the part of
Lionel Efingham, l first met Bill Nye.
After the performance he called on me at
the hotel. I remember the conversation
distinctly. 81 was pleased with your act
ing tonight, Mr.. Hamfat," he said, in his
peculiar droll way. ''By the way, what
parts did you take last season. "Of
the hotels?' l asked. ooh, no. he re-
piled, smilingly, Il mean what stage
part?" 81 took the part of Nick o.
Teene in The Duke S Pipe" 1 an
swered. 'Was your last seasons tour
from a financial standpoint?'
he next inquired. 'Well," 1 returned,
altogether it was fairly so, but not as
good as this season. You see, "A Mus
tard Plaster draws much better than
The Dukes Pipe did. Prom the rem
niscences of Sir Irving Hamfat, now
being translated in seven different Ian
guages.- indianapolis Sun.
Don't you consider it lucky to pick
Up a pin?'' asked the superstitious man.
Not if you pick it up by sitting down
IN If - rorliod tho do UoO,1o rrOmnfIy