The age-herald., 1900-01-17
SHORT STORIES
 OF THE DAY
Offered the Next Best Thing

Ouered the Hext Hest Thing
 Mir choate is quite as good a story-teler as he Is a lawyer, or an ambassador ei- ther. as far as that goes, says a London correspondent of the Detroit Free Press. He loves a story on himself. and relishes the telling. Here is the most recent ef- fusion of his-an after-dinner affair that not many days ago was sprung at a ban quet in London, and brought about his ears thunder of applause that rattled the chunks of ice in the punch powI
 MT. Choate said that he went into book shop in the Strand a few days before to purchase a copy of Dantes Inferno" It was his intention to present the book to young friend who particularly wanted to read it. Much to MT. Choate's chagrin, ehe instant he stepped foot in the store the word Inferno" entirely escaped his mind.
 He told the salesman that he would be back dn minute, and he walked away down to Whitehall trying to think of the last half of the book he wanted. Of course it was Dantes 'tsomething," but Dantes "what?" That was the question.
 Finally he gave up trying to recall the full title and went back to the shop. The clerk asked him what he sought. He made bold stab. "I want a copy of 'Dantes Hell," he replied.
 The clerk darted back to the rear of the store. By and by he returned with empty lands. "I am very sorry" he said, "but we havenit got 'Hen,' by Dante, but we've got 'Twerity Years in South Africa by Ce- oil Rhodes, if that would do''
 And feeling," concluded MT. Choate. that that was practically the same thing, I took the book"
 Ought to Have Known the Process
 During the holiday recess the new mem- bers of congress who remained in Wash- ington made frequent visits to the white house. many of them going there ito show the house to their constituents who came to visit Washington for Christmas. relates a correspondent of the Philadelphia Cau. Among these was Senator Foster, of wash- ington. who is spending his first winter in the capital. The cold weaather necessitated the closing of the big storm doors at the ex- eeutive mansion, and Senator Foster, after showing his friends through the house found some difficulyty in opening the portal to show them out. After tugging at the big door for a few moments one of the ushers nticed his struggles, and, going up to the door, said:
 Excuse me, senator, but you do not seem to know the rule regulating the doors of the white house. It is simply this: You pull to get in and you push to get out" and, suit fl hn tn f tha pIe gently pushed the door, which the senator had been pulling, and opened it for the con- gressman and his party to pass out. The senator thanked the doorkeeper, and laugh ingly said:
 q ought to have known that, for it seems to require pull to open anything in Wash ington, while pushes always force you out''
 q An Accident Turned to Account
 A comedian in Paris theater recently made great hit out of a painful incident, relates Golfers Weekly While indulging in bit of horseplay on the stage he struck his head accidently against one of the pil- lars of the scene upon the stage. The thud caused futter of sympathy to pass through the audience.
 NO great harm done," said the come dian. Just hand me a napkin, a glass of water and a salt cellar"
 These were brought, and he sat down, folded the napkin in the form of a bandage. dipped it in the glass, and emptied the salt cellar on the wet part.
 Having thus prepared compress accord ing to prescription, and when every ono expected he would apply it to his forehead, he gravely rose and tied it round the pil- lar.