West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1900-05-24
LA GRIPPE.
\ Well.Written Description by One
Who Has Had it.

mon thrall while 1t pcrpetatcs with fendish
persistence the most turbulent aud tumul-
toouS toriores upon his puny person. One
might as well attempt to avert an avalanche
OF trY TO curb a cyclone As well strive TO
stay the stormy sea rs 4, breaks rpon the
beach OF endcavor TO ward OIL the nigresccnce
OF night With it's marauding methods,
rolliekiue rudeness, aud supernatural power
The grizzly gorgou, Grip, can 20 forth with
the jaw.bone of a gnat aud make million
men flee with fright OF consign them by the
carload To the realm of CONTIGUOUS Man
meandcrs abroad in the morn gay as a lark,
with bug in its heak. lie has the muscu.
larily to move a mountain the power TO
pummel Hercules the grit to voad a
giant The surreptilious Suceubus. the
strategetic bailler of the science and skill of
the modern medicos claims him for his own.
10, and behold The grappliug Grippe
bacilli has assailed this aggregation Of in
telleetual and physical possibilities. With
ieverish forehead, dishevelcd hair, dropping
hose, minus his collar button and his wear
ing apparel appearing as il it had been disar.
ranged with hay-tedder, he comes wearily
home IN wheel-barrow, too utterly wretched
TO wind his watch, cuss the cat or commit an
assault and battery ON a bcd-bug.
Ever had tp Nor Well, YOU Wall.
We've most all had it, and those who haven't
had it will have il bye and bye. A slight
sneele, choakiug cough, cold, clammy,
chilly shver seizes you and hectic flush
Hoods your face, only To- bc downed 10y the
deathly pallor that marks you as maytyr
to the ribald ravishes of the dread disease.
Then grim Grippe himself confronts YOU
like startling Spectre. II is dollars TO
doughnuts that you have through ticket
and baggage checked Wac Charon's ferryto the
golden hence. lie seizes you eagerly by the
cars, gives you few rousing rotary motions
and starts your head humping at rate that
seems certain to burst your throbbinP tenn
plies and drive your eyc-bals from their
sockets. This is accompanied by nm cx-
ccedingly entertaining noise something like
fight between a tornado and an earth.
quake.
THIS IS merely the preface the conviyial
manner in which the Grippe Announces his
arrival. lie goes for you as trouble always
goes for those who seek il, lie spits on his
hands and tackles you like a hired hand
with fifteen minutes to do his chores. He
Instantly inyades every atom Of your aching
anatomy as thoroughly as wid.eyed wife
picks the pockets Of her husbands clothes
looking for love letters from his amoret,e.
You must not think you are the unfortunate
usurper Of an entire epidemic of Grippe. II
o'er-runs the land like grass.hopper
plague or society scandal, and he must
make short work Of you and chase on to
lavish his individual idola,ions upon
millions. lie quickly saturaics YOU with n
desire to give up the ghost. Ills next
caprice is like a concentrated effort TO bring
your brains out through your ear with a
blacksmith's tongs, aud this is repeated in a
very realistic manner at intervals Of every
fourteen seconds throughout the entire
gripping period Then he makes move
which can easily be mistaken for an attempt 10
yank your skeleton out of your body with n
nail-grab, and leaves you feeling somewhat
similar to cross between triple condensed
rheumatism and hvc-cornerod, compound
fractures Of the ycrtcbrac. lie tears up aud
down your nervous system like cyclone
ripping up six miles Of turnpike road and
ibrustng il into the middle of next week,
and you begin 20 reflect on the bfeyity Of
your life insurance policy. As II by pre-.
concerted arrangement your whole being is
explored with velocity aud abruptness
that is simply shocking, by sanhedum Of
pluionian pfopoganda, aud they pry into
every pore Of your suffering system. Cut
aneous buz-fuz is Sunday. school picnic
compared with this.
a phantom satanic armada appears, sea.
serpent fashion, OF the shores Of your
existence and seems 10 FIRE imaginary molten
metal and Sizing lava into your marrows
until they throb and burn with the quad.
ruple fury Of a Vesuyian eruption. Your
arteries arc gushing like O geyscr, your
temperature appears 60 reach 10000
degrees above boiling and you ache so bad
all over that you 6rmly believe your toe
nails will not hold down until morning.
The Grippe is meanwhile working over.
time. 10 has never for a moment left your
pain-rackcd person. ft hoycn momcniarily
like a humming bird while it sips the las,
drop Of vitality from your veins then Z,
will wheel Ike o. whip poor will. skim along
like a swallow, She alamande lcft. join hands
and circle 60 the right like rotary snow
pIow, and balance all and promenade eight
up and down your cuticlc until you feel like
a Sandwich Island in distress and irripate
your interior department with double doses
Of potent pain puiycrIler Your head feels
Ike a wood house, You have sea-brown
taste 10 your mouth and your voice sounds
worse than steamboat whistle with bad
cold. AZ last, as If firing from such ener-
gciic exercise, such violent and vehement
proclamations Of iis presence, il perohcs on
The pinacle Of your lef, car and warbling
merry roundelay, fiis aud twi,s hIthcr and
ihiihcr and yon, principally yon.
As The insidous Invader darts forth 10
wreak his vengeance upon other victims and
mock the NJ DIS, you think you arc free
from the unremitting, hauy-scurry ravages
Of This 'oriuriag tomult Unhoiy smoke
How quickly and painfully you vi1 be mn
deceived The uuconqueiabis depression
Of is dcbauch is osioflfv yir,l,.,t .,,