The age-herald., 1900-11-11

N~ station agent, the doctors
 daughters, and the boarders
 S were sitting on the veranda awaiting the dinner bell Having nothing else to do they were talking in a pleasant social way and as nothing ever happened at Belmans the conversation ran on im- personal topics. About one minute before dinner "she" arrived. She was grena- dier in pettycoats. She was five feet six inches tall and of boundless circumference. Every one stood in awe of her, the post master because he did not bring her as many letters as she thought she ought to receive the station agent because he was young, and she had taken him under her motherly wing Che thought she was going to marry him. the doctors daughters be- cause they were women and unused to war, and the boarders because they were naturally towards. Only the doctor, as beftted an old soldier, was not afraid of her He lad smelt powder before-not- exactly the kind the grenadier used,-but he was a brave man. He even called her (behind her back old fuss and feathers. When the doctor did this the boarders trembled in their boots. Even to talk about her was fearful.
 As she waddled down the veranda every body but the doctor Chat man certainly WAS a hero) jumped up and offered her chair.
 Now don't let me disturb you" she said, casting her glance around to see who had the most comfortable chair. 'I don't know why everybody should disturb themselves on account of me" Here she sighed and settled herself in the largest chair, crea- fi,rr l, ,.f, | to a wharf.
 The man who had lost his seat sat down on the steps, and silence fell on all The doctor smoked his pipe and appeared un- concerned. Finally the newest boarder read joke from a paper, everybody but she laughed, and the tension was relieved
 T don't consider that funny a bit" she said. T suppose that is a speciman of American humor."
 Well, American humor is better than English" said the newest boarder. "The English, as a class, really have no sense of humor."
 Everybody turned pale. The new boarder did not know she was English and was un- aware he had stirred up hornets nest.
 Sir" she exclaimed. T am surprised that any one apparently intelligent should be such an idiot, Are you of English de- scent, or are you a Dutchman or Italian or a Spaniard, that you know so little? If English, you insult your ancestry for some of the greatest wits the world has ever seen have been Englishmen. Your Ameri- can wit is coarse and vulgar, and will not live a hundred years. Go, sir and change your name from Johnson, which sounds English, into some foreign tongue which Is more suitable to your mentality"
 Here the dinner bell rang, the doctor laid down his pipe and felt the pulse of the new boarder, while the others went into dinner.
 "The trouble with me, doctor she would say, lis my lungs. I have been dumped by eminent specialists in New York and London (she did not however, give the doctor a chance to thump her) and they all tell me they can do nothing for me. That l must keep quiet and never hurry, if l do will die. I really will, doc- tor If I should run or hurry I would die.'
 Here she rocked her three hundred pounds back and forth in the best rocking chair, while the others tried to think of some way to make her hurry.
 q would not have taken that long jour ney here if 1t had not been for dear hus- bands monument which I am having placed in the church. You see, his family who live here, would like it. An me! what a cross-tempered woman I would. be if it was not for my dear husbands influence" The dear husband had been dead thirty three years and unfortunately his influ- ence was on the wane. She had come to Belman's to erect a fifty-dollar tablet os- tensibly to his memory, really as an invest ment for she expected fifty dollars worth of attention from his family in the way of carriage rides, dinners, etc.
 
 It was very hot night. The station agent was lying out on the grass, the post master was sitting on bench on the lawn trying not to wilt his collar. The doctor was striking matches on the veranda try ing to keep his pipe lit; the others, includ- ing she, were sitting around in various de- grees of discomfort Not a breath of air was stirring No one was talking. There had been a scene at supper. She had been laying down the law on the subject of pronunciation, spelling history and general education. What that woman knew was astonishing You Americans," she said "are all superfcially educated. You think you know your alphabet thoroughly, but you don't. You pronounce names wrong. You don't know the history of your own country" Naturally some of the down trodden Americans present were resentful and some warm words ensued. So after supper conversation Jagged. The silence was broken only by the snores of the sta ton agent who had fallen asleep and the doctors fireworks with the match box.
 The station agent who was dreaming