The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-07-08
uH1 - --
n2H. D0OBeg ON
Platform h2dk5na.

LOTnI Sald Mr. HenneSSy. I'm with II
firm start to finish"
Sure ye are' said Mr.. DooIev IAN.
so ye'd be If It begun: we denounce Ter
ence Hinnissy, w tn Sixth ward iv Chi
cago, as thraitor to his country. an in
imy Nv civilization, an poor thing Ye'd
say: While there are wan or two things
that might be omitted, tn platform as a
whole is a statesmanlike docyunint an
| wan that appeals to tn intelligence iv
American manhood. That's what we'd
say an that's what all tn likes iv we'd
| say. An whin iliction day comes round
! tn on'y question yen asst ye'ersilf is.
Am l with Mack or am I with Billy Bry-
anF An accordin'ly yen vote
us always tn same way an. all plat
1oIIns Is alike I mind wanst whIn was
! an alternate to tn county con-vin-toD-
was wnln was a power in polIytics
an III on man that cud do anything
w w IN 6oheIn1an vote-I was settin'
mere wan night with a pen an not Nv
INK befure me thrytn' to compose tn plat
form T tn mex day, FIR / was q ithrv
man In way, dye mind, an I knew
| IN la-aos want a few crimps nut I'm
| IN HaypubIicans In ginteel style an
De sure 70 call on me fr to do it, Well
| got as far down as tn tariff an
| was thryin' FIR to express me oninylon
| without sweartn', whin who shud come
IN out Lanerty, that was sicrety iv Nc
Mahon' that was tn Main Guy in thin
days. but aftherward thrun down on ac-
count w MIN mixin up between tn
| Rorkes an tn Dorseys. Tn Main CIV
Down Town said he wudden't have no
throuble In tn ward an he declared Nc
Mahon out Mcmahon had too much mon
ey anyhow. If he'd kept on dollar bills
d nave been extinct outside " his house.
But he was sthrong man in thin DAYS
an much liked.
Annyhow, Lafferty. that was his Sic
rely, come in, an says he: What are We
dom thereY says he. Step soft says 1:
am at Wurruk, I says 'Ye shudden't
90 utnry Wurruk on an empty stomach
says he. do nawthin' on an empty
stomach but eat says l. I've had me
supper, l says. Go way says L till
finish tn PLATFORM I says WHATS
tn platform? says he. FIR tn county
con-vtntion.' says I
Wen, sir, he set down on q chair an
thought tn man was goin' to die right
there on tn premises with Laughter.
WIN ye get through with ye'e r barkln'.'
says l, III throuble We to tell me what
ye may be dom it fr,' I says. I see
nawthin' amusin' here but ye'er pris-
ince,' l says, an that's not a divvle ~
a lot funn1er thin wooden leg I says.
TT was mad. After awhile he come to.
:
me- that yen get a chanel to spring that
PLATFORM he says. I do, says l. Why
he says, tn platform has been adopted
ne says. WhinY says I. 'Befure We
We're born says he. In tn reign w
Bildad' tn first says he-he was a larned
man. was Lafrerty, though a dhrinkin'
man. All sicreties " politicians not in
Office Is dhrtnkin' men, Hinnissy I've
got tn copy Nv 1T here in ms pocket he
says. TIL boss give 1t to me to bring it
up to date he says. They was no
sthrlke last year an we've got to put a
plank In tn platform or put the prlsidint
" tn Lumber Showers union on tn cOun-
ty boord, an he says, they amt room
he says.
Why says Lafferty, we ought to
know tn histhry " Platforms he says.
An he give 1t to me, an I'll give # to
We. Years ago, Hinnissy, nanny years
ago. they was d race between the dim
mycrats an tn Republicans f'r to see
which shud have a choice iv principles
TIL dimmycrats lost. 1 diunaw why
Mebbe they stopped to take a drink
Anyhow, they lost TIL Republicans
come up an they choose tn we com
mind principles an they was nawthin'
left FIR tn dimmycrats but tn we de-
nounce an deplOres.' I dinnaw how It
come about, but tn dimmycrats didn't
like tn way tn thing shtud an so they
fixed 1t up between thin that WHICHEVER
won at tn Fiction should commind an
congratulate an thin that lost shud de-
ncunce an deplore. An so it's been,
on'y tn dimmycrats has had so little
chanel FIR to do anything but denounce
an deplore that they've almost lost tn
use Nv tn other wurruds.
MACK sets back In Washington an
writes a platform FIR tn comfy on risO-
lutiOns to compose tn week afther He's
got a good job-forty-nine ninety-twO,
sixty-six a month-an' tbs up to him to
feel good Il mean we he says, CON
graduate tn country on tn matchless
craftsmanship, onshrinlHin courage,
steady devotion to duty and principle ~
that gallant an on'rable leader. mesilf,'
he says to his sicrety Take that he
SAYS, an elaborate IT. he says. Yen
find q dicthnry on tn shelf near tn
dure,' he says, If ye don't think I've
put what give ye shtrong enough he
says. I always was he says, too re-
trim fr me own good ne saws. '5p n
out tn r-rest,' ne says, to make about
six thousan' wurruds,' he says, but be
sure don't write anything too hot about
tn Boer war or tn Philippians or Chiny,
or tn tariff, or tn goOld question. or our
relations with England, or tn civil sarv-
ice he says. Ills a foolish man., be
says, that throws a hunk Nv coal firm
his own window at tn dhTiver iv a brick
wagon, he says.
But with Billy Bryan It's unerent
He's out in Lincoln, Neebrasky, far firm
home, an he says to himsilf: Me
throat is hoarse an I'll exercise me othe'
facIties,' he says. III write a platform
he says. An he sets down to a type
writer an denounces an deplQres till tn
hired man blows tn dinner horn. WhiA
he can denounce an depiore no lonSes
he views with alarm an declares with in
dignation. An he sinds 1t down to Kanss
sas City, where tn cot beds come fr m. -
ooh, ye're always pitchin' into sons
wan" said Mr.. Hennessy. Il bet we Will
UNI Jennings Bryan niver see tn plat
form befure It wint in. He's too good
man"
Hes all Nv that" said Mr.. DooIey.
"But we bet he knows tn rale platform
FIR him is: Look at tn bad breaks
,Macks made, an Macks platform is:
'Ye'd get worse if We had Billy Bryan
An it depends on whether most " tn
voters ARE tired out or on'y a little tired
who's iIIicted. All EXCEPT you, Hinnessy.
Yell vote Tr Bryan?"
ct will" said Mr.. Hennessy.
"Wen," said Mr.. Dooley, dye We know
I suspected We might."-CODyright 1900
by R. H. Russell.