davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
THE FAT MANS LITTLE JOKE.
He Sprung 1t ON the steamboat Cap
tain aud Got Ills Large
Party Abonrd.

\ Coney Island excursion steamer was
leaving New ork with but few passengers
aboard The beat had Just cast oil, says the
sun. when a stout man with a very red face
rushed down the per. aud, Houtishlng his
stick, shouted lleN. eaptaIui Fut back
back her quick. Here' large part, wants
to ge.
he captain vas at first derisiye, but tiual
" shouted from the plot house How
large is the party
Fot an instant the fat man hesitated, then
he yelled hack; Between 60 aud 20. -
As soon as the captain heard tins number
he instantly ordercd the steamer back and
made fast again, The fat man waddlcd
across the gangplauk, and. packing out a
nice deck seat, famed himself with his
straw hat. Meanwhile the captain aud his
crew waited tor the party to arrive. After
waiting five minutes and more. the captain
turned lmpatlently toward the stout man
and asked; Where's your party between
90 and 1Os This boat can't wait all DAY for
themf"
"oh, that's all right. replied the fat pas.
senger, with bland smile. I'm the party
--65 to-day. sir,
The captains face grew rcddcr even than
the passenger as he turtously rang the bell
TO steam ahead, hut the tat man at once be.
came the hero of the boat
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
stealing Hin Thander.

The indignant looking passenger was about
TO speak, but the conductor headed him off
by cxcalminR. IN loud tone Of irrita.
ton. This is the slowcst train ] was ever
on. What's the use Of having a schedule Il
we don't pay any attention TO ttf The
drinking water tastes as II Il hadn't been of
the kitchen range ten minutes, The car
doesn't look as ii It had been swept for a
month. and 1t IN full OF IDIOTS who insis, on
openinR the windows when We 90 through
tunnels. so that the cinders can blow IN -
The passenger caught his breath and then
exrlaimed II was just about 20 say. that
this whole affair is an outrage Il know
it. but you're lucky. You can travel few
miles and then get of and be happy. But
I've got 10 stay on this train for hours every
day OF my III" Washington Star.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
ovERsTEPPING THE BOUNDS.
He wanted 90 Pay the ParsOn More,
Bat the. Rules and Regulations
Were Against Him.

The first charge ever held was IN
small town in the weNern part Of the
state, said a well-known minister, who
was IN a reminiscent mood The town
was not very large, and my congregation
was very poor aud unable to contribute
much toward the support Of a minister, 30
they made up what they lacked IN cash by
holding donation parties now and then dur.
ing the year to eke out the small salary that
they paid, says the Detroit Free Press.
The hrst inticti0n u this kind that |
had vas called a pound donation party, at
which everyone was expected TO bring
pound Of something or other Among the
congregation was a member who had more
worldly goods than all the rest put to.
getheT, bat be had the reputation 81 being
near, and ] confess that looked forward
sith some Interest 10 see what be would
bring
Imagine my CONSERVATION when / un.
did hig package and found nothing but a
few small potatoes.
met him the next day and had hard
work to remember that ! was a minister 81
the Gospel and treat him pleasantly. He
aid that he wanted 10 speak 70 me pfi.
Vately for a momFHt and drew me aside.
'Paraon, be said, earnestly, I'm down,
right sorry that the rules and regulations
prohibited me from bringing MORN a
pound Of them potatoes, but, he added.
dropping his voice TO a whisper, I gave
yoa down weight
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
WAS NOT ASKED AGAIN.
Michigan Politician Was Not
Conspicuous.

NJ. T.. Chittenden. the Michigan politician
who died recently, dearly loved Joke. liia
own initials, M T.. c., he always insisted.
stood for Methodist Episcopal church, which
organization, could II have secured him,
would have acquired very lively member.
Mart" "a Mr. Chittenden was familiarity
called. relates the Chicago Chronicle, par
tally lost his hearing some years ago aud
communication with him thereafter was one
of the fine arts. Being the agent Of
the Standard Oil company for large terri-
tory, he travelled considerably, and on a GER
tain occasion fel IN with a couple Of friends
at lIilisdalr, who invited him to 60 with them
60 dinner az the house Of a resident ac-
quaintanee. One Of them quietly said 10 the
host; mir Chittendcn il an exceedingly
pions man and likes 10 have the food blessed
before partaking. You must invite him ia
ask the blessing.
Accordingly. When all were seated, silence
fell upon the company, while the host turned
10 Mr. Chittendrn with "Wtll you ask the
bca6lngY
Up went Chiltenden's hand TO his ear with
his usual, quick, nervous gesture. as IN a
listening attitude be responded In a tone
more decided than unciugns.
"Ive grown 80 ALFRED deaf lately that II
you've got anything 10 say to me you'u have
10 say II degtlith loud"
A roar from the two friends disclosed TO
Chittenden and the astonishsd host that
they had been the victims Of practical Joke.
liut Chit enjoyed Il amazingly when be un-
dersiood what had happened.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
when lie Yielded.

The Judge OF western court decided a
point adversely 10 a certain lawyer. The law.
yer was stubborn and insisted that the Judge
was wrong.
Il tell you that am right yelled the
judge, with flashing eyes.
II tell you that you are not!' retorted the
counsel.
"CrIerl" called the judge, Il adjourn the
court for ten minutes"
lie pitched into the counsel, aud. after q
lively little fight. placed him hors de com
bat, after which business was resumed.
But 1t was not long before another misun.
dersiandng arose.
'Crier!' cried the judge. I'VE will adjourn
this time for - minutes
"Never mind, judge" cried the counsel,
keep on Your coat-the point is yielded.
My thumbs out of joint and I've sprained
my shoulder. Spare Moments.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
Housewife ana burglar.

The burglar had entered the house hs
quietly a. possible but his sh0es were not
padded and they made some noise lie had
Just reached the door Of the bedroom when
he heard some one moving IN the bed a. I
about 10 get up, and be paused. The sound
Of waman's voice ioaled TO his ears, III
YOU don / take Of your boots when you come
into this house" IL said, there's going 20
be trouble, aud a whole lot Of IL. Here It's
been raining for three hours. and sou dare
TO tramp over my carpets with your muddy
boots on Go downstairs aud take them on
He vent downstairs without word, hut he
didn't take oif hia boots. Instead be went
0ut into the night again, and the pa" who
was waiting foT him saw a tear giisten ~ bis
eve. II can't rob that house" he said. IT
reminds me Of home Lewiston tMeJ
Journal.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
Family Tirs ENhau.tcd.

At one Of the great department stores the
other day a young man was indulging IN
airy persiilage with the pretty shop girl
behind the counter while waiting for his
change. "Nhat wonderful place You have
herel' he said. hat do you selg'
Everything was the reply Every.
thing" was the incredulous comment.
What do YOU mean 10y everythiueY" just
what say, responded the girl. Anything
you want we C0n supply you with here.
''Uh, you can, ehg commented the prcten.
tious Alexander "Well. let me lock at
some family ties Without remark. but
with demure countenance, the girl went
away, but IN a moment returned and said
Il am sorry, but the manager tells me that
We are just out OF family ties, owing to tho
great demand Perhaps you'd like to look
at some family jasE' The young man dc
cided, however, that the latter was at un
desirable commodity, and he would have
none Of it.-N. Y. Tribune
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
FRANK II. FORBES.

We present above a picture oi Mr.
Frank H. Forbes, who is a candidate
for the nomination ior register OF deeds
We do not deem il At all necessary TO
60 much into details as means oi in
PRODUCTION OF this well known gentle
man He has lived in Minneapolis for
the past IS years aud has thousands OF
friends who will favor him with their
votes by reason OF personal friendship,
rather than for any political pull
He is not politician. but business
man in whom the community has con
fdence lie is fully competent To I'LL
the Office acceptably ii elected, and to
these of the eolored people who have
a personal acquaintance with him, It is
needless 10 say that he is broad minded
enough to be considcrate OF the rights
of all classes. Heiis a courteous and
accommodating gentleman at all times.
He is probably best known as the pri-
vate secretary to Mayor Pratt during
his two terms, where he proved him
sell the friend OF every person who
ever had occasion to visit that office
for aid or advice. lie is also largely
known as n member of the Masonic
quartet whose singing has delighted So
many thousands OF our people and al
ways freely rendered ON occasions of
charity or public interest lie solieits
the vote ot the eolorcd people and no
man will ever have occasion to regret
whatever OF support or influence he
may give Mr.. Forbes.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
Polite. .POtpOurri.
CHAS. GAYR0rRN

The nomination to the office oi Judge
of the district court on the Republican
ticket. Is in many quarters conceded to
Chas. e. LaybournZ Early IN the cam
pagn many believed that MIR. Lay
hourn was not well enough known to
lard the nomination. although twas
admitted on all sides that where he was
known that he was the most formidable
candidate but the last few weeks have
told exceedingly in his favor. and those
that are III a position 10 know. claim
that Mr.. Laybourn will get practically
the solid labor vote Tor the reason that
he has the affiliations and friendship
OF all classes OF laboring men. and is
regarded as man without race or
other prejudices. The colored people
OF this city have had occasion to know
in numerous instances in the past that
Mr.. Labourn was iair ard impartial to
all alike. whether white or black. Jew
or Gentle rich or poor. and this will
undoubtedly be the means OF securing
to him the great popular vote. No one
has anything against him. and every
body that knows him speaks in praise
OF him.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
Aer0bntic.

After supper he procured bis wile's best
clothesline from the back shed, fastened one
end Of Il to his ~ Bernard's collar and the
other 10 the handle bar of hia bicycle. Then
he vent out into the middle Of the road and
mounted For about four rods, that is until
the 81. Bernard espied canine friend, the
sensation was dreamlke, after that It be
came one horrible nightmare. IN deSpera'
ton The rider clutehcd handle bars, back
pcdaled and fairly howIed. until at at be
became sufficiently cool 10 call 10 the dog
10 stop. 1t stopped all right. but the wheel
had motions oi its own, u vent On t"l
Struck ihs DOG arnidships. then Il rose ~ the
air. sending its rider toward cboud!and'
His head tried conclusions With the curb
and when thty brought h,m 10 be promised
his wife never 10 do IL again.--Detroii Fffe
Pfess.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
His HOnor's Joke,

Sam Bedford relates a good joke that oc.
Cured at Calhoon this week in Judge Owen s
court. A case was on trial, and the judge
was being worried by young man who
kept moving about in the rear Of the court
room, lifting chairs and looking under
benches.
Young man," Judge Owen called, you
are making a great deal of unnecessary noise.
What are you about ~
Your honor" replied the man, 81 have
lost my overcoat and am trying to find it."
Well said the judge, people often lose
whole suits in here without making all that
disturbance. ."-0wensboro Inquirer.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
soms,hInr for an sta.sn..

In an uptown political club they are tell.
ing ! story at the expense of the wife Of one
Of the membeTs-a man who had suddenly
arisen from poverty to comparative al.
9uenee through a garbage eontract. A new
house had been purchased IN . good neigh
borkSod, and the wife spent many busy days
In furnishing il. When abe reached the
item % mattresses she weut 10 a big depart
ksown her wants 70 a polite salesman. Il
preums, madam" be Said, that yoa wagt
the beat spTFng mattresses. Not a. all,
was the qnsek rstoft. y 90 nee1b't think
because m rich l'ni easy. A spring mat
tfezs. indeed s1rs, want mattresses g0u
can ase Ia spring. sumner, autumn and
winter. Iia net baylsg mattress Tor gyery
season in the year. Philadelphia Cal.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
An Author Wants n Chance.

A publishing firm recently received the
following offer from an anxious autobiog-
rapher who probably had been reading
The Hooligan Nights" Il wish to put
my life Before the public if can Gel
Anuf Out of it to give me start in the
world. led Criminal life 81 years Arrest
ed 20 times shot at q times Released on
8 haBis Corpas Warents. Broke l3 Jales
Convicted times Broke pen and taken q
Convicts with me- Waylaid and shot my
fathern law twice married separated and
Divossed. Ii | can get a start in the World
Bye putting my life Before the public l
will doc so.'-London News.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
J. l.. DOBBIN,

Candidate for Nomination for Repre-
sentative to the State Legislature.
For;y-hra District. Comprising Fifth
and Sixth Wards
Mr. Dobbin. who has been resident
oi the city for ~ years. resides al pres
eut AZ Hampshire Arms. sofuef Ninth
street and Fourth ayenue south. lie Is
sell known IN the community. having
held a number oi prominent positions,
among them being that oi commander
oi Geo NJ Morgan Post. G. A. K.
during i'm lie aas an aboli,ionia
and entered the Union army AZ ~ years
old. "a hghf for the preservation of the
Union He has been engaged in lsN
practice for n years N the CITY. having
Offices ~ present IN Temple Court. Hs
was indnced 10 run Tor the legislature
by prominent nssu Of the Fifth and
S.xth Waf3s.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
ELMER w. GRAY,
Candidate for Special Judge
Municipal Court.

Elmer w. Gray was born near Clcvc-
land, Ohio, forty five years ago Moved
to Illinois at the age of ~ Received
a common school education; learned
the trade OF book binder; attended the
University OF Illinois; taught school for
three years and was admitted to the
bar by the supreme court OF Illinois
in 1870. PractIced law in Illinois for
where he has since resided He was
one OF the city justices from 1898 to
1896 Was a candidate for special Judge
IN iSo4 IN Republican convention. and
was second in a field OF fourteen candi-
dates. He has had large experience
in the general practice OF law during the
iast twenty years and IS emlnentiy quail
fed To I'll the position he seeks.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
REV. MRS. l.. A. RAGAN,
Pastor of Browns Chapel, Hastings, MINI.

The camp meeting. which has been
held lot ten days. at Hastings, Mimi,
under the management ol Rev Mrs. l..
A. Raglan, who is pastor in charge oi
Browns Chapel. closed last Thursday
evening With a grand lawn supper The
camp meeting was spiritual and hnan-
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Mr.. Morris is general agent OF the
Preferred Accident Insurance Com
my, with Offices in the Phoenix build
ng He has once represented the district
in the legislature and the most critical
can find no reason to oppose his re-
nomination. He is especially popular
with the colored people and deservedly
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

eiat success and although seating capae-
rty OF the tent was three hundred (loo),
crowds were unable to be aceommo-
dated each night The attractive feature
was the boy preacher, Harry Killcbruc.
among others The citisons uf Hast
ings cordially invite Mrs Ragan to re-
peat these meetings next season.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

So He did more valiant service in
behalf OF Frank Wheaton's election to
the legislature, than perhaps any other
one man in the city. Every colored
voter in the forty-frst district owes it
to himself and his race to accord 10
Mr. Morris his earnest and untiring
support for the office to which he as
pires.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

A kind hearted citrg, man wss lately com
psjjed 10 dismiss a tister gardener, who
used to pufioin h.s fs1al agd YtEtt tables. FIR
the sake 81 biz ale ard lamiy he gage him
a ebafaetef and thls IL hos he gfliFd ~
Il hereby certify mat A. u. hat l.sfH ify
gardener fer over twg Bsbta, and that our
ing that time he gof mgre gul pi tny g4fdtin
than auy nlsn I ever employed. --Coiiisr
Weekly.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
Art I'm PcnnnYIrnnIn.

Our community has received q social and
professional addition in the person Of Mr.
"Biil' Jones, who returns 10 his native town
an accomplished artist. In Philadelphia be
was regarded as one Of the best men IN the
Hotel Blanks barber shop. lie has now
accepted position In Tom" Jobnson's ton.
sorIal parlop.-Nount vile pa Clarion.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
CertnInI, n Prirc ThouEht.

A teacher Of music in one Of the public
schools Of the south desired to impress the
pupils with the meaning OF the signs 'f''
and IF" in a song they were about TO sing.
After explaining that 81 meant forte, he
what does 'lf meanf"
Silence reigned for a moment, and then he
was astonished to hear a bright little fel-
low shout:
"Eishtyl"--New Lippincott.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
HnrrorH of Wnr.

The hardworked humorist sat at his desk,
and without the slightest apparent effort he
dashed this off:
"Why do you Peking here" asked Tsi
Ann of the Russian general, who was recon-
noitering in the imperial neighborhood.
Because | am going to Taku, was the re-
fierce reply.
Yet such things as this were not men
toned among the horrors Of war discussed at
The Hague conference. - Baltimore Amer
lean.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Aiter eight months d ineessant la
Dor IA a strange city. against over.
whelming opposition in his own race
and a8'ong the insurance fraternity IN
Chicago largely through his owu ei
foris and a. result oi hts own per
toeal maeuetpm. Hon ]. Frank
Winston. imperial organizer of the
United brotherhood. a tFaternaI insur-
anee company. with headquarters in
Chicago, has secured a charter 10 do
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

business IN the state Of Illinois Mr..
Wheaton Is in the city visiting his fam
lily and enjoying . much needed and
well earBed rest alter his arduous La
boss. When he leaves he will begin
20 prosecute the work so we'll begun
bs organizing in the southern states.
The success u the United Brotherhood
is now an assured fact. and TO Mr..
Wheaton more than 20 any one else il
due its success. Minneapolis Is Justly
proud u her production.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
ue,n.rtea uer connarnee.

poetsss-Ths poem ssht you. Mr. III
itor, contains the Geepesi secrets Of my
soul,
Editor-I know il. madam; and 10 ore
shall ever find them Dut through me
stray stores.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Have you bad a vacation this summer,
Mr.. 0avil?" asked Tenspot
"Well my wife took me to the cemetery
once to see the grave OF her first husband -
Judge.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
The Golden Rule I'm Texas.

When men learn TO do unto others as they
would have others do unto them, horse trad.
ing will have become one OF the lost arts
Galveston News.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

since 1890. Always Republican and
elected county attorney Hennepin coun-
~, November. 1903. and by reason OF
his honest. economical and successful
administration is entitled to renomina-
tion.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Nolksr rsterniyJ-t'Hs klAsed yeu twice.
70 M kaqAledEe, and ! don'g khoe bow
often sfitz that uaazhseF' n etfhef do
], MA. | HgYff wss mach god at 0sBtaI
snthmstie. - Philadelphia Press.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
asnain. op.fmI.m.

TIE Psssinassl bat waiter is aNiuiiy si0z
With fh0sf ehrrEs sandwiches.
The Optimist -Uh. HftFf fniud. The lqFgFr
We wah the befter grows the thsssa.- lndff
iHapoils Pfess.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Comsdiap-''They laughed very heartily
st M jekss fought Cr8iie~J"Ah. yes.
Any Old hHHlfq psasss for good hufnOr II
he aud.fnes bappsns u be IN good humgf
sqr lAszh.nk BsGsio Newa
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Union in the earlier days and worked
Al the brickIaycrs trade for eight or
nine years He is well known as a
friend Of organized labor.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
A Dark secret.

Foreigner How are your p.aat0rs
electedY
American None Of them will telll-
Puck.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15
DIR. A. A. AMES,
The Peoples Choice for
Mayor.
JOSEPH II. JOHNSON.

Candidate for alderman Fifth ward
Mr. Johnson is the head OF one OF
the leading undertaking establishments
in Minnesota, and enjoys the confidence
OF the business men OF the city 10 an
extent that none OF his competitors can
boast of lie is acquainted with the
ward and its needs from one end OF il
to the other He is equally popular
with the banker. the merchant, and the
laborer, each OF whom from present in
dications, think him Just about the kind
of man to represent them in the city
council.
In his business Mr.. Johnson has Of
ten been called TO the homes of poor
people on the occasion OF death in their
family, and in innumerable occasions
has he out OF the fullness OF his heart
ofiicated at their funerals with nothing
more substantial than promise for his
pay.
Mr. Johnson is man who rates every
man according 20 his merit and makes
no difference in his treatment OF men
because of color or ;ace. II he is
elected alderman he will honesty and
zealouSly guard the interests OF all the
residents OF the Fifth ward. The best
interests OF the ward and the city at
large demand his nomination and cleo
tion TO the council.
The Hennepin County Colored Mems
Political Association, an independent
organization with membership OF over
100. has opened up headquarters at 2I6
Washington avenue south Thos. b.
Parker IS president and John c. Ster-
retts is secretary James L. Curtis is
chairman OF the executive committee
They had a rousing meeting at their
headquarters last evening. about 900
people being out The association bids
lair to be very much in evidence during
the campaign.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

How was Admiral Dcwey's naval rank
reduced when hr got marrirdE "Ile be.
came Mrs. Dewey's second mate. "~ArRo.
naut.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

A nice. refined new expression is: "Aw!
stop chewing the rag or you'll get lini in
your ngs!"-Indianapo News.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Tas hen.gzfksd isusi,sHd fh4t snssH con.
s0satioa 10 the faet that E6e NsH't let aHy-
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

II is said that doctors never take their own
medicnes-yet they usually profit by their
own adylce.-Chieago Daily News.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

The. chronic kicker ususIly kicks himself
out of joint Rams Horn.
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Ar Gallagher. who has been a resi-
cert Of the city for Al years. was a
sha''sr member Of the BrickIayers'
The Afro-American advance., 1900-09-15

Born 1855. Illinois Brought up on
farm and educated in common schools
and Illinois Normal and Industrial Uni
versities. Taught school and admitted
to the bar 1882 Resided in Minneapolis
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1900-09-15

ss'f|IAlfaf|(|l|!|!lkl
ssDRUNKEN JIM"
Oriental saiutation "May Your
Shadow Never Grow Less"

This oriental salutation is capable OF
more than one Interpretation. Two
sinister fulfillments threatened a mar
whose surname, bequeathed to him by
his father with other and less enduring
legacies, was lost in the Sobriquet OF
Drunken jim" His shadow certain.
ly grew shorter, for his knees bent, hi,
shoulders slouched and his head poked
as his spirit to look the world in
the face gradually melted away. Again
and sgnin, more often for the sake OF
his family than for his own, a friendly
hand was stretched to RAISE him up
1T breaks my heart to see them dear
children starving" a compassionate
neighboz and a strong temperance mar
said an an argument for spending time
and money in the desperate effort 70
save Drunken Jim" from himself. The
object Of his care was not wholly ia