Mesa free press., 1900-12-07


To Hide 1t: Hewitt-What are you
raising whiskers for? Well,
don't mind telling you that l am
wearing necktie my wife gave me-
Bazaar.
I've got the best of the ould rail.
way company for once in me loife.
How is that, Pat?" "'ve got return
ticket to London, and Gin a whisper
i amt coming back Bits.
His liberal policy: 81 believe in TAX
ing some things for granted" "Yes
when you lent nae the novel you said
was SO delightful, noticed the leaves
were not cut. Chicago Record.
My parents may come between us,
she faltered. IF they do,'' he exclaim.
ed, holly, ''they must be pretty small
And he pressed her still closer to his
manly breast.-Ph philadelphia Record.
His uncalled-for apology: He-You
told your mother was sorry for hav-
ing made an idiot of myself at her din
ner-party last night-What did she say
She-Oh, she said she noticed nothing
unusual, George!-Tit- Bits.
$50 poor old Mr.. Clubite is dead"
Yes. But he died happy" rs that
soY Yes. Almost his last words
were that at last he was going to a
place where golf wouldn't be the only
burning question. - Harper's Monthly,
Recognized Him: Mrs. Casey read-
ing war news)-Wan soljer wor NOR
thai wounded, and his lasht words Wor
Gimme whisky" Mrs. Dolan (whose
husband is at the front -Hivin hip me
fatherless children; thot wor Pat
Bazaar.
You say you were in three wars?'
asked the judge of the colored prisoner.
dat what I said, jedge." name
them" SWELL sub, wuz cook 70 de
sojers in de war wild de Spaniels, EN-
den bin married To- times. Atlanta
Constitution.
First Parrot Say, that girl has been
to England since she was here. Sec
ond Parrot-What makes you think so?
First Parrot-Why, she used to say:
Polly, want cracker" and now she
says: Polly, want a biscuit. Indian
apolis Journal.
Johnny's current history: The teach
er asked the scholars to write SEN
tence In which the word "chaste" was
used. Johnny Wise, who keeps posted
on current events, wrote: "Aguinaldo
fc 10 r,aoSf bo 70 ,,,o,, l,o,,., Dol
timore American.
Opportunity provided "It's no won
der those Japanese troops cover them
selves with glory What do you
mean?' "Why, the other foreign
commanders are polite enough to let
them do all the dangerous work.
Cleveland Plain. Dealer.
Sallie de Witt-That's Mrs. Allie Mo-
neigh. She has been married and di-
vorced five. times. Noel Little-How
remarkable for one so young in appear
ance! Her matrimonial reigns must
have been very short. Sallie de Witt
Mere showers! Brooklyn Life.
No money in it: '.This comes from
making love to the daughter of a gem
ius." what is the trouble, Tom %
why, her father has just invented a
parlor-clock that sounds an alarm at 10
o'clock, turns out the gas, and opens
the front door by wire spring. Chi
cago News.
Jackson-See here, Unison, that con-
founded dog of yours kept up contin-
ual howl under my window till 3 o'clock
this morning. Jimsons (firmly)-It
wasn't my dog, sir Jackson-I'm glad
to hear that, old man, because I hated
to ask you to bury the body; to whom
did you sell him ?-Life.
A Slim Excuse-A Connecticut girl
fell from her bicycle and hurt her knee.
When they examined the injury in the
drug store they found she had on three
pairs of stockings golf, plain white,
and the everyday sort, No doubt her
excuse for wearing all that hosiery was
thin Once Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Gratitude: Young Lady-Gfve me
one yard of-why, haven't / seen you
before? Dry-Goods Clerk-Oh. Maud,
can you have forgotten me? saved
your life at the seaside last summer.
Young Lady WARMLY Why, Of course
you did! You may give me two yards OF
this ribbon, please.-Boston Journal.
Building Reputation: Sitter (from
Hawville)-What's this picture back of
me? Photographer-That is a paint
ing of the Hotel de Vile, Paris. It
makes a nice background for a photo.
graph supposed to be taken out-of
doors. Sitter-It's all right. Wait till
I get out my toothpick. Now go ahead.
Chicago Tribune.
Didn't Follow Directions: Indignant
patron-You advertise to cure consump-
ton, don't you? DR.. Quack-Yes, sir:
never fail when my instructions are
followed. Indignant Patron-My son
took your medicine for year and then
died. DR.. Quack-My instructions
were not followed; told him to take