The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-25
Tn Trisbff1af1 at Niagara
SeuaS MaCManuS Visits the Falls and Describes What He
Saw-RegStered in Gaelic and Taken For Fenian.

Of lading at ALL Goat island is there.
all right, though with the exception Of
the presence of one donkey (Fitz VIII
please take my word for it that 1 do
not mean any personality. 1 saw no
stronger reason for giving II this name.
1 admit, too. that I found there was
an American side and a Canadian side;
Furthermore, the guideboOk was cor
rect in saying that many times as
much water went down on the Can
adam as on the American side-dny
one who knows the condition of the
British moral linen viii readily ap-
preciate this hint of providence. Also
! grant there is precipice from which
water comes down; though, consider
ing the laws of gravitatiOn. which even
the Monroe doctrine failed to affect on
this continent. 1 really see nothing so
very remarkable about that. Likewise,
there is a river below, the most notice
able thing about which is, that il runs
between the banks and is crossed by
a bridge and a trolley car and an inter
mittent stream of grumbling strangers.
If you have not been to the falls I
think you may have a fair idea OF
them when l say that they are about as
big and as high as one of the biggest
apartment buildings in New York City;
they are nOisier than the twentv-hrst
round of prize fight, and not so noisy
as six women at an afternoon tea; they
kick up a spray as dense as the wits
of the stupid fellow that differed with
you last night l do not now recall how
many hundred thousand tons Of water
come over the falls in a minute; but
do know that at the time 1 reduced
the immensely of the thing TO the level
of my understanding, by calculating
that there was sufficient to wash the
fconsciences Of the government officials
at the astonishing rate of two per M
teen minutes. l TeckOned that If the Cit
izena of the United States arranged to
keep the whole government shebang
penned up on the banks, and every
morning haul them forward and back
beneath the falls on a wire cable, ?
comparatively clean administration
would be the result-if they survived.
If they did not survive, I foTesaW that
the immense reserve of philOsophic res
ignation possessed by the American ma
ton would enable it to bear the shock
with SupeThuman calmness.
The awed whisper with which, when
you have crossed the bridge to the ca
madam side, the name of Victoria is
mentioned, makes an irreverent Irish
man Qike myself smile aloud. The car
riages on this side of the bridge nave
one other equal on earth, and that IS
the carriages on the American side. In
a weak moment I allowed myself ana
FitZ to be trapped into one Of them,
to be driven to TablerOck. This, SAID
the driver, lis Victoria's park that l
am going to take you through. VIC
toria park2" said l, then please go
around it, or under it, or jump over 1t
He leaned back to me and said, with
bated breath: But it's named after
Queen Victoria-Queen Victoria I
know, I know" said I, Il have heard of
1.-THE lady. She's all Tight-till the rain 9
coming; but when the corn on the top
of her small toe begins TO whisper, the
hired girl has got to stand around and
/ look out for the poker and other port
able aids to domestic felicity. Ine
poor fellow turned up his eyes in hor-
ror. But it's all right I said, II
there's no other way, scOot through
/ Vic's park; and perhaps she'll never
/ hear it was l." And as we slid over the
holy ground I entertained the driver
( with an account of a Crow--icklng
which the queen owed Fitz. because OF
} some of her famiIy'6 employees having
4 hung divers of his progenitOTs for sheep
I stealing FitZ did not strike me, Tor
! fear of confirming the thing IN the TEL
lows eyes. And again, at the govern
ment building the young lady IN charge
/ of the visitors book. seeing me sign my
name in Gaelic. drew me into a polU-
cal discussion that neceSsitated me
quoting some history to her, with the
result that she accused me Of being a
/ Fenian. to which 1 blushed a modest
/ assent. She threw I'D her hands and