The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-07-15
SMART SHORT STORIES.

SMART SHORT STORIES.
The watering carts of a certain Irish
town are decorated with patent medicine
advertisements. An innocent Irishman
from the rural districts looked at one the
other day, and remarked: ''Faith, it's
no wonder D is healthy when they
water the streets with Jones sarsapariI-
LAP
Upon beholding some life-like snap shots
CT himself for the first time in the papers
during the campaign of 1892, the day aft
er he had spoken in the Academy of MI
sic, Philadelphia, Senator John Sherman
is said to have remarked to q friend:
well, well, our time for criticising the
newspaper men IS over. They have US
to rights now. Here I am just as 1 am,
and I'm caricature of what L have al
ways thought 1 was
There was one occasion when Sir Henry
Irving received from one of the superEu-
meraries of the Lyceum theater, in Lon
don. an answer which seemed to satisfy
him. 1t was the mans duty to say sim
ply, 1.-THE enemy is upon u.s." which he
uttered at rehearsal in a poor, whining
way Cant you say it better?" shouted
Irving; repeat it as I do And he gave
the words with dignity, with all his we'll
kuoWh ordInAtlc force. If could say II
ike that replied the man, st shouldn't
be working for 25 shillings week"
In the lately issued memorials of Charles
Henry Pearson, once one of Austraia's
chief men of affairs, an amusing story OF
his student life at Oxford deals with a
hayward genius whom he styles L.:
1T was one of his troubles that he was
afflicted with self-consctousness One day
h. 1A1
termined to try getting drunk as a posi-
BILE cure. The friend argued against the
plan, but attached no particular impor-
lance to the matter, and presently forgot
all about 1t. Late that night, as he was
at work, he was startled by noise as Of
some one stumbling upstairs and fall
ing against his door. He opened his oak
and L staggered In and threw himself
on a chair, very drunk and muttering,
Self-consclOus still; self-cOnscious still!' 4"
Ex-Judge w. H Moore, Of Chicago, or
ganizer of half dozen gigantic steel and
iron combina tons, has made it an in
flexible rule never to allow his utterances
to be printed 1t was recently reported
that he was going to Europe, and re-
porter visited him to verify the rumor.
But the Chicagoan was as obdurate as
ever. you won't say whether you are
never talk for publication" was the
| suave answer. Cant you tell us any
thing about the condition Of the iron bus
iness?' 81 do not talk for publication"
The reporter had pursued his victim into
the elevator, which was slowly descend
ing. Renouncing any ambition for the
coveted interview, he said "a fine day,
Judge" mot for publication" was the
instructive reply.
Charles Macklin, the noted English ac-
tor, was On one occasion boasting Of the
perfection Of his memory, declaring that
he had SO trained it that he would I'M
| dertake to recite anything upon once
hearing it. Samuel Foote offered him the
following sentences as a test, to which he
proved unequal. so she went into the
garden to cut cabbage leaf to make an
apple pie; and at the same time a great
| she-bear coming up the street pops its
head into the shop. What! no soap%
So he died. and she very imprudently
married the barber, and there were pres
ent the Picninnies, and the Joblilies, and
the Garynlies. and the Grand Panjan-
drum himself, with the little round but
ton at top; and they all fell to playing
the game Of catch-as-catch can till the
gunpowder ran out Of the heels of their
boots"
The Saturday Evening Post guarantees
the following to be the latest anecdots
about Mark Twain: Mark Twain has
been living quietly In England for some
time now. and were it not that he APP
peared to give evidence before a royal
commission on the question of copyright,
scarcely a soul outside his private and
particular friends would have known he
was there at all. The other evening he
was dining at the house Of friend, and
seated next to him was American who
had only that day reached England.
They WERE of course, talking war, and
the newcomer, wishing to know the feel
ing in England in the matter of the fu-
ture of the Transvaal, asked Mark
Twain how he found public sentiment
in England regarding the independence
of the republic. Well said the genial
humorist, I find that the English are
paraphrasing O. part of the burial ser
vice They are all quietly repeating, Mr..
Gladstone giveth and the Lord Salisbury
hath taken away. Blessed be the name
of the Lord. -