The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1900-11-16
- Facts and Fancies. Il

! \
5 - Facts and Fancies. Il s
! A Vermont lawyer sent to a client
| bill containing the following item: For
waking up in the night to think over your
| case, 80 cents"
Uncle Bob-"Well, Johnny, are you at
the head Of your Glass;"
JOhnny-"No. but | can lick the fellow
| that is:"-Answers.
Teacher-"Now, Ernest. who is it that
thing you do?" Ernest."The lady next
door, sir. "-Brooklyn Lite
''How is your club for the protection
of birds coming on?" "Oh, we stop
meeting just before it is time to think
about turkey. '-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Lew tod me that he was Yale
man. Do you know what class he Was
graduated from?'
From the sophomore s."-Harleu
Life.
a country paper says in an obituary:
mt; \" was an estimab BILE citizen. He
lived uprightly: he died with perfect res
ignation. He had been recently mar
! rled.'-Smart Set.
Mrs: Lush-''This is fine time for yea
the clock strike g." .Weelii. that hat i iShn:t
l., is it?-Brooklyn Life.
Might Do There" Maude thinks of an
church choir" "WeA, there's a church
for the deaf up on Seventh street.'NPhiI-
adelphia Evening Bulletin
Little Willie-"Papa, who is the hest
| man at a weddng?"
| Mr.. Hennypeck-"Th ;,est man is the
chap who sees the other fellow get the
worst Of it, my son" -Smart Set.
Young Stone-'l spoke to the chemist.
| and he advised me that I should =:
Doctor (interrupting)r"O he gave YOU
some some idiotic advice, suppose. Stone
! He advised me to see you!'-Tit- Bits.
When Chol!y received long ir.
fIGm his tallor who !ecS called MIN his Dr..
And although you have said
I'm your dr., by George, I know b."
Denver Times.
Jobbins-:My dear, I see telerho1i'
commnnication is about to be established
with Brussels.'
Mrs. J.-"How lovely. We shall be
able to order our sprouts direct" Pick
MeUp.
The most considerate wife | ever
heard off, said the Cornfed Philosopher.
was woman who used to date all her
letters week or so ahead, to allow her
oils Press.
"Where's papa?' asked Rose Marie>
Hes downstairs, said Rose Marie.
His bicycle is out Of breaff, and he's
giving it some more. New York Com
mercial Advertiser.
Churchill see by the paper that thr-
lynne, doctors arrived home recently
from Europe. on one steamer"
Gotham-"Yes: you <ec, the football
season has opened in this country-
IoukerS Statesman.
\ \eighborhood CutaStrophr. -"DirS-
cy. did Mrs. Dibh~ ask you why We
weren't coming over to spend the ever
ing:" Yes, ma: an l told her v had
a mother invitation at y liked better. -
indianapolis Journal.
come to adopt such a life: There n.u~t
have been a beginnnS'
Weary Willie-"Dere WIZ. | begun by
bein Christian Endeavorer an ge1tin
stranded in Europe. Judge
Of SCIENTISTS"
1nquiring AIind-''What are they, pro.
! fessur?'
Professor-"Well, we classify them *
bacteriologists and way -ba ok tcriolog 49,"
Indianapolis Journal.
Teacher-"Jimmy, if you found eight
cen pennies and another boy should take
two-thirds of them away, what would
each Of you have?'
Jimmy-"Id have six pennies an he'd
have a good thumpin', less he handed
back the rest of 'em mighty uuick.'-
Glasgow Evening News.
You were so respectful to that mpr.
chant about two weeks ago, and you act,
ed SO Oyerbearing this morning. What
caused the change?'
1.-Two weeks ago l had to be respect
full in order to get credit. and now he
has to be respectful in order to get ill.,.
money. '-1ndianapolis Sun.
"Suppose,' suggested the teacher.
| that YOU take piece of beefsteak and
cut it into halves, then cut the halves
and the eighths into sixteenths: into
what could the sixteenths be cut:"
"Hash.' responded Tommy. whose
mother kept a boarding-hous e-Tit- Bits.
:"WiIlian, has the paper Gomez"
"Anybody married."
Anybody dead:
MY. my! What do they print that
paper for, anyhow" '-Atlanta Constitu-
ton.
]BEorroughs- ""Say, old man, got $40
bill about yOu?'
Borroughs-"Come off: There isn't
any such thing"
Hauskeep-''l wish you were right, but
my coal dea Ter has me down in black and
white DR.: to one ton coal "-Philade-
phia Press.
when young fellers begins court
in'.' said Farmer Hacede. they jest
gifts crazy, an tibet thar boy Jim O mine
amt no exception"
"What's Jim bin a-doin'?" asked Farm
or Soanreep
Dash dinged eff he didn't go into town
yesterd'y an spend hull quarter fur IL
toothbrush. '-Philadelphia Press.
'Ah"' she said, IF l were to die
would"
Hush he protested. shuddering.
NAY, love. | must know'-her warm
breath swept his cheek-''would you fol-
low me to the graye:'
How can 1 tell?' he said frankly.
"Might not your family decide to hay.
the interment private:' philadelphia
| Press.
Ten Cents Saved.-Gazley-"E that
we're engaged, my girl is beginning to
make me economize. You know, l used
to take her pound Of 3O-cent bonbons
every Saturday. Hazley-''Yes, and
now she insists on cheaper sort. eh:'
| Gazlpv-"Oh no YOu can por rwo