The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1900-11-24
HTWOR OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
'.Bliffkins seems to be a pretty self
confident sort of a fellow"
"salf-confdent! Why. he's got more
confidence in himself than a woman has
| in her family physicianY'-Puek.
| Critic-Yes you'll have your name
carved in marble some day.
Poet-Oh, thank you, sir.
Critic-No thanks. 1t will be in a GEM
etery-Syracuse Herald.
you say your son is a professional
man
Yes
But you also said he follows foot
bali. Do you mean he's a professional
player?"
mot at ALL He's a surgeon."-Phil-
adelphia Press.
Madge-Ian't Miss Autumn aging
rapidly?
Marjorie-Yes, indeed. She viii soon
have as many wrinkles as her French
bulldog.-Juoge.
Tramp Caught stealing a ride)-Mr.
train I'll boycott the road and never
ride over it again.-Denver Times.
Ever notice there is not half the SEN
timent in literature that there was 20
or 30 years ago?"
yep. Ever notice there are not half
the liver-cure advertisements there were
20 or 30 years age? '-Indianapolis
Press
Her Method.-Mistress -''Bridget.
hope you don't light the fire with kero-
sene?" Cook-"Divil a bit, mumi OF
vets it down wild kerosene an loights
it wild match. Judge.
Society Reluctance Dickey, did you
go up and tell pa that Mr.. and Mrs.
Jones were here?'' yes ma; he said
he guessed he'd have to come down, but
he didn't want to."-Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
sidered.-He-"You need not
fear. I shall do nothing desperate just
darling, I repent. 1t was only the
thought that you might do something
romantic that made me refuse you =
Life.
Value of Music.-Mrs. Maternal-"I
am sorry you are going back to Ger
many Had not better get q: another 71.Ilts
music teacher for my daughter Prot
Won Note-"Id ees nod necessary. She
knows enough museek to get married
on."-New York Weekly.
BriggsAsSo the passengers in the car
discovered that Caudle and his wife were
newly married, in spite of the efforts OF
both of them to keep 1t dark" Grlggs-
Yes; but it was his fault. He spoke to
her several times during the trip. -
Boston Transcript.
Hostess-'Why. Mr. Smith. I've hard
ly seen you all the EVENING" Now, par
ticularly want you to come and hear a
Whistling solo by my husband" Smith
(vvhose hearing is a trife indistinctJ-
"A whisky and soda with your husband?
Well thanks, I don't mind if I do have
just oneH'-Punch.
Mrs. Won Blumer-Dear, dear, drop
ped my diamond ring off my finger this
morning and I cannot find it anywhere.
Won BIumer-It's all right. l came
across it in one of my trousers pockets.
-Harper's Bazaar.
Can you give first-class polish to
''shud say so. boss. why, when All
polish a geman's shoes de ladies glance
down at his feet to see if Deb hats am
on straight..''-Chicago News.
''Wen.' said young Mrs Torlkins. 10y
ally, Il will say one thing for Charley,
dear. He showed some sense in the way
he bet on the election"
why, understand that he lost every
bet
81 don't care if he did. He didn't bet
any of those wagers in which one man
has to trundle another along the street
in a wheelbarrow, or abstain from get
ting his hair cut for a certain number
of years. indianapolis Journal.
What is fame? IT'S mounting up
Through years Of toll and want and
woe,
And finally, to hear men say
AS if 'twere to your credit they
We're schoolmates you had long ago.
Chicago Times-Herald-
Somebody says that Sir Thomas Lip
ton has embarked on the choppy sea of
specula ton
Pork choppy. of course. cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Witch No. 1T serves her right.
Witch No. 2-Serves who right?
Witch No. 1.-The Witch of Endor. She
discarded her broom for an automobile
last night, and was stranded ten miles
from home-Baltimore American.
''what is an anecdote?" asked the
"A short, funny tale" answered John
That's right" said the teacher. Nov
the blackboard COM tanning the word"
Johnny hesitated a moment, and then
wrote this: "A rabbit has four legs and
one anecdote. Answers
NO. he said decidedly. woman
should not have the ballot"
"Why not?" she demanded.
Because of her uselessness in case of
a conflict. The one who votes should al
so be of service when it comes to fight
ing"
should think" she returned
value in putting patches on the seat Of
war"
Thus again was woman's resourcefuI-
ness in argument OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Post.