davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17
Should / find myself in need of your
assistance, / will call YOU

Should | find myself in need of your
assistance, / will call you.'
AS tools for piano tuning Mr.. Bowser
had a hammer, a Ratchet, a tack puller,
a corkscrew, a screwdriver and a
monkey wrench. AS he folded back
the cover he saw the inside of a piano
for the first time in his life. He had
taken only one glance when he walked
to the foot OF the stairs and called to
Mrs. Bowser:
mo wonder there was an ur-ur-ur
when you hit some of the keys What
d'you 'spose your first class piano tuner
left among the wires?'
He couldn't have left any of his
tools?" she queried.
No tools, but half a dozen strips of
red flannel. He even wove them in
among the strings. That's probably
where my missing flannel shirt went
to. He was probably some man from
a wooden mill"
why, those strips are always put
in protested Mrs. Bowser. Il think
the idea is to soften the sound"
well, 1 don't. l think The idea is to
attract rats and mice, and out they
come"
When Mr.. Bowser had finished pull
ing out the rags" he very quickly dis
covered the method of tightening up
the strings. With one hand he fitted
the monkey wrench to turn the keys,
and with the other he started a tur.-
tum-tum on the keys, as he had once
or twice seen a regular tuner do. He
couldn't exactly decide whether all the
strings ought to be frightened or loosen
ed, and so he took a middle course and
frightened han and loosened half. The
effect wasn't exactly magical; it was
worse. Some of the keys piped and
sobbed, and there were Others which
produced sounds as of a saw trying to
eat its way into a crowbar.
For the lands sake, but what are
you doing now?" called Mrs. Bowser
after three or four minutes.
Saving a piano from wreck an
ruin" replied Mr.. Bowser as two chills
tried to gallop up and down his spine
at the same time.
He hadn't quite hit it. He grudg-
ingly admitted the fact to himself and
then began anew. In a dim, uncertain
way he seemed to remember something
about a pitch in connection with tun-
ing. He couldn't possibly recall wheth-
or it was high pitch, low pitch or half
and half pitch, but he wasn't the man
to hesitate. He began humming the
air of The Girl l Left Behind Me-
and keeping up the tum-tum on the
keys. After awhile he found a sound
to agree with his hum, and he took
that for a rallying point. 1t was what
he called a $3.50 pitch, and after half
an hour Of keying up and keying down
he got three keys which appeared to
agree that some sort of a girl had been
left behind somebody. The other
strings were obstinate. They wanted
TO play sally Waters THE Sweet
By and By" or Yankee Doodle" and
every five minutes Mrs. Bowser kept
calling down to know if a strange cat
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

extra for the music, you know.
While you are hiring a uni in the
laundry for a dollar and a quarter a
day she's furnishing music for the
rarlor free gratis. Put a bed quilt
on the dashboard and you can hear
the strains of the Old Oaken Bucket
from garnet to cellar. Let the woman
tackle a tablecloth. and everybody goes
dancing to the tune OF Maggie Muir
phys Home Drug stores can have it
at a slight cos for their patrons. and
public schools needn't pay a cent.
Rub-a-dub-dub, Music by the box,
Thompson. don't miss 1t. Don't throw
& good thing over your shoulder. I
want TO take o in / have taken
you in. You are to be secretary OF the
II. w. c. at $4,000 a year
That's all wind" bluntly excla'm-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17
Mr.. BoWSER'S FLUCTUATIONS.
He Tunes His own Pfnno and There
by Saves $50.


by Saves $50.
Copyright. 1900, by G. b. Lewis.)
1t was after dinner, but instead OF
sitting down to his evening paper and
cigar Mr.. Bowser was prowling around
the lower part of the house. Mrs.
Bowser realized that something was
up" but she maintained silence until
at length he paused before her and
said:
Last night while you were playing
the piano / noticed that it was sadly
out of tune. You must have heard
some of the keys make a sort of ur-ur-
ur as you struck them"
Il heard nothing Oh the sort!" promp-
ly replied Mrs. Bowser as a dim idea
of what he was UP to flashed across
her mind. The piano was tuned only
a month ago, and there are nc ur-ur-
urs about it."
but ! insist that there are" 0 N
tinued Mr.. Bowser, Il have a quick
ear, and | say that no less than seven
different keys had the sound OF an egg
heater at work. 1t may have been
tuned a month ago, but by whom
'By a first class tuner"
THAT is, he OF course claimed to be
first class and charged you SO or 81,
but how do you know he wasn't a car
penter or blacksmith? There's a piano
which cost me $500. 1t is going to
rack and ruin for the need of a little
~overhauling. To get a competent man
UP here will cost $50, whereas
Whereas you can do the work in an
hour yourself" finished Mrs. Bowser.
"Well, now, you let that piano alone.
You know no more about the works of
a piano than I do about the kitchen OF
the car Of Russia. If there's any
thing to be done, I'll get a man up
here
MADAM said Mr.. Bowser, as he
stood before her with his hands clasp
ed under his c~oattails. there is an ur-
ur-ur to that piano. 1t is out of repair;
it is going to ruin. l can overhaul it
in n hour and save $50. 1t will be a
pleasure to me to do the work, and |
also feel 1t my duty to save the money
which would have to be otherwise paid
out. l shall proceed to une."
but you'll only destroy it. If you
feel that you must tinker away at
something, why don't you take the
lawn mower. the gas meter or that old
shotgun in the garrett"
81 do not ask you to remain in the
room during the tuning process. You
can put on your hat and take a walk,
Or you can go + YOU room and read
a novel. When l have restored the
tone to its original volume and sweet
uess, will call you"
"But l beg of you Toto
Mr.. Bowser waved his hand to signi-
fy that nothing on the face OF the
earth could turn him aside, and as
Yrs. B43wsey went up stairs with tears
III her eyes he got Dat his tool box n
peeled off his coat and jacket to begin
work. He met with an adventure at
the very outset. He wanted room TO
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

mad got into the house or if Mr.. Bow
ser had got an attack of collie. He
finally refused to answer her, but with
teeth shut hard and a glare in his eyes
he started Il to bring those strings
into harmony or bust the box. He
frightened ten, one after another. until
they set up a humming, and then he
mopped his brow and started in to tum-
tum the keys. There were ten sounds
to bring out the gooseiesh, but scarce
~ had the first shudder passed over
MIR. Bowser when the wires began 10
snap. The end OF the first one licked
his ear, the second n curIed his hair
nd the third just brushed his chin.
was moving away when four went
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

been in my thoughts for the last three
days, and. as I remarked, l was about
to start for your Office. Thompson,
shake hands again"
Il haven't time" replied Thompson.
Look here. major, bills against you to
the amount of 5000 have been put into
our hands for collection. You promised
to pay that old board bill two months
ago. I want to know what you are go
ing to do?"
DO, my dear Thompson? Why, I'm
going to give you a check in about ten
seconds for the whole Indebtedness.
You could have had your money long
ago II you had given me the slightest
hint. Major Crofoot has a good mem
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17
Had Again.

wilkins was reading aloud in the
bosom Of his family Sir II. II. John.
ston's famous British Central Africa
and came upon a description Of a
"wingless goose" 50 he stopped and
said. All we have nothing like that
ia England"
yes. we have. father" said the eld-
est; 4 saw a wingless goose yester.
day"
Rubbish"
And the dispute waxed high. AZ
length the boy said. 'I1I bet you half
a crown"
Done. Now. where was IT."
1T WAS a tallors goose. and II was
at
And two and sixpence changed peck.
ets.-AlIy Sloper's.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

at once. and d Of them had business
with his nose. Mrs. Bowser heard a
yell and a sit down, and she came fly
ing down stairs to find Mr.. Bowser sit
ting against the wall with his nose in
his hand. It was bleeding like a cider
barrel with the bung out, and the skin
had been peeled from end to base. His
eyes were also weeping large tears, and
his bald head had a~welt across it.
Well, you've tuned the piano." said
Mrs. Bowser as she looked down upon
him.
.Who-who threw a cat in my facet"
he asked as he realized her presence.
Its a wonder you didn't say did,"
she answered, "and then go and threat
en- a divorce and all that. 1t was one
of the wires that struck you, and you'll
want court plaster on that nose for a
month"
"Wo-man-wo"-he began, but she
stopped him with a gesture and said:
1T will cost $25 or $50 to have that
piano fixed, but it shall be done to-mor-
row.. You've got to the end of your
tune, and now go up stairs and let me
see how nearly killed you are!"
Mr.. Bowser obeyed without a pro-
test. More than that, he never said a
word while she was crisscrossing his
nose with six strips of plaster. 1t was
only after he was in bed that he growl-
ed under his breath:
1T was a put up job to assassinate
me, and you bet your life I'll make it
cost somebody mighty dear"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17
GRAND PROMOTER.
Major Crofoot Organizes the NJ. w.
Is. Company and Takes in a Law

os company II Ia AA a
yer.
(Copyrighg, 1860, by c. b. Lewis.)
The grand promoter sat at his desk
in his Office with a wandering look on
his lace ana 40 cents in change spread
out before him. He had been counting
that change over and over and figuring
how many times the $2S he owed his
landlady, the $12 he owed his tailor,
the 81 he owed other people would go
into that 40 cents. He was still about
it when he heard a step on the stairs.
1t was The step of an aggressive man.
AS it came nearer it betokened the step
Of a determined man. AS the door was
burst open without preliminary warn
ing the major recognized the fact that
he was face to face with a circum-
stance. For n brief second his knees
weakened, and he caught his breath
with a gasp. Then he was on his feet
with hand outstretched and a smile on
his face and saying:
"Bless my soul, but if you had been
two minutes later l should have been
on my way to your Office! Come in;
come in"
Il didn't know as you would remem-
Der me-" dryly replied the visitor as he
looked around the office.
What. Not remember Thompson
of Thompson & Thompson, attorneys
at law, You must be joking. My dear
man, Major Crofoot never forgetf the
face or name OF a friend. You more
than any other man in the world lave
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

Comm Tho the Rye She changes
eff to a sheet or pillow slip, and you
have Home, Sweet Home with varia-
lions. Thompson, shake hands!"
I won't do it. | came here to
notify you that these bills must be
paid at once or you will be hauled into
court
Its a hummer, my boy-it's n
success from the start. Costs nothing
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

work on all sides of the piano, and he
therefore get behind it to push it out
into the middle of the floor. He was
heaving away with his shoulder
against the case when his foot slipped
on the carpet and he went down and
rolled over with the weight of an ele-
plant. He fetched up against a chair
and knocked that over, and he was
still lying on his back when Mrs. Bow
ser came half way down the stairs to
call out:
Il thought the walls were falling ins
What are you doing on your back on
the aoor!"
II wanted to see the underside q
piano." he replied As he got
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

the citadel. which has withstood many
a seige; its oriental bazaars, four in
number, which run from its four ga.es
a thousand yards in length, its mosque
its -caravansaries, and the palace of the
khan. But, having seen these. you have
by no means seen all. for the real
greatness of the city lies in its prestige
derived from antiquity. An ancient
historian said of it, ~Herat has been so
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

crumbling, but are still capable Of de-
tense against the native tribes. though
the strongest guarantee Of protection
lies in highlands backing which
was emphasized in the delimitation OF
the frontier Is years ago. when our
commissioners insisted upon fixing the
pillar at the Zulflkar pass. which can be-
held by a handful Of men agains. the
advance Of any army Russia can send
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

For it is our hive now since Lords
Roberts and Stewards pacifed the coun-
try, subsidized the ameer and made mis-
highness Abdurraman Khan a &C. C.
B." and a &c. G. S. l." You in America
may assume that there is no virtue in
empty decorations; but they have great
weight with the ameer. and, though he
viceroy of India.
AS % Herat itself, it is somewhat lis
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17
in an attempt to force Il.

in an attempt to force It.
Though the English invaded this
country 62 years ago. they have alter
nately fought and ~retreated; while the
Russians, on the contrary, have bat
tied their way to the frontier. and
wherever they have set their flag
they have held up to IL. This has had
its effect upon the wild and lawless ma
tives, who respect only force and who
mistakenly believe that there is greater
assurance for their future in Russian
than in British protection.
II. IMRAY STEDMAN.
Herat, Afghanistan.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

is a despot here and f~atters himself
that he is absolutely independent. yet
he cannot conduct negotiations with
any foreign power except through the
appointing at first glance, for its streets
are narrow, crooked and disgustinglv
filthy and its inhabitants brutal and
sullen. It's chief public buildings are
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

times taken, so times destroyed and 80
times triumphantly rebuilt" 1t was in
existence in the early years Of the
Christian era, in the thirteenth century
was destroyed by the terrible Genghis
and in the sixteenth century by the
Persians.
The walls Of Herat are broken and
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17
How shr Won mIm.

Pilson-Have you heard the latestf
Parker has eioped with a chamber
maid.
DiIson-Heayens. How did he come
to do that2
Pilson-I understand she brought
him an extra towel when he asked for
ft.-OhIo State Journal.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

Maud-TeIi me all about Il.
Blackwell. when II began he was N
his knees.
Maud-And how did II end?
1fabel-Tn / sne-er-z was On -
knse4-Town xoplcss
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-06-17

The walls Of Herat are broken and
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-17
A Pretty Good Sermon.

A story of d bright-eyej barefooted-
shabby little fellow is told boy Forward
He was working his way through "a
crowded car. offering his papers I'M every
direction IN way that showed him well
used To the business. and of q tCmpcTa-
ment not easily dauuted
The train started while he was ma king
change. and the conductor passing him,
laughed:
Caught this time. joe he said
you'll have to run To- Fourteenth street.
Don't care, laughed Joe. in return. Il
can sell all the way back again
A white-haired old gentleman seemed in
teTested in the hoy. and questioned him
concerning his way of living and his ear.
ingS. There was a younger brother 20 he
supported. il appeared. Jimmy was
lame. and couldn't earn much hisself.
All. ! see. That makes u hard; YOU
could do better alone
The shabby little figure was erect in "a
moment and the denial was prompt and
somewhat indignant
No ] couldn't, JimS SOME body to 90
home to; he's lots of help. What would
be the good Of havin' luck, If nobody was
glad? or of gettin' things. if there was no.
body to divide WITH
Fourteenth street. called the con-
ductOr. and as the uewsbuy plunged out
into the gathering dusk. the Old gcnt.e-
man remarked TO nobody m particular
I've heard many u poorer sermon than
that.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-17
A Spanish Beggar.
youths Companion)

t-outn OOmpdnlon.)
The besgar in Spain has more pride than
the self-supporting citizen Of another
country. Il is related that in Madrid a
beggar had from time immemOrial occU-
pied a certain step at the entrance 60 q
certain church. where he held cut mis- nat
for aims rom arriving woIshipers. To
this church there came every Gay a Ger
tain well 10 do gentleman. 20 OFFER up his
prayers. and this gentleman was accus-
toned 10 deposit a ten-CcntaVO piece IN
the WaltlnS beggar's hat as he came up
the stairs.
But il happened that the gentleman fell
III. and for two weeks was confined to his
bed. A. soon as he was able TO be out
again he resumed his ATTENDANCE at daily
worship ana Is he passed up, he put MS
coin in the beggdr'S hat. and was going
on into the church. The beggar seized his
coattail.
Pardon me. senior cabaIIero" he said.
but nave You not little account 60 sex
tie with me?'
'What2" asked the gentleman. An
account with yOu2 What do YOU mean
Why, yes said the beggar. You are
accustomed, are YOU not. 10 give me ten
centavos as you come in?'
coin2"
All but you give me ten centavOs every
day. You have not been here for four
teen days Therefore YOU owe me 40 CEN
taVOsr
Get outr' answered the gentleman.
This is aims. not a salary. and / owe You
no aims when ! am absent
The begSar drew himself up loftllN. ana
flung back the ten-centaVos piece TO the
gentleman.
Well then" he exclaimed. IF YOU have
no more honor than that. YOU can go and
get another beEgar, I shall have no more
TO do with you
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-17
SAYS He WAS OFFERED BRIDE
SENSATIONAL DEVELOPMENTS
IN CRAVEN-FAIR SUIT.
Justice of the Peace Now Denies
That He Ever Performed the Mar
rage Ceremony

San Francisco. Feb. 16.-There have
been startling developments in the suit
Of Mrs. Nettie Craven, who claims to
be the widow Of the late James G. Fair,
and therefore entitled to a share of the
S20,00OOO0 estate left by him. Two days
ago Mrs Craven testified that in ad-
dition to being married by contract
to Senator Fair, a marriage ceremony
had been performed by Justice of ti&
Peace symptom of Sausalito.
symptom, when interviewed, stated
that Mrs. Craven's story was correct
and that he was prepared To testify 10
that effect. Now. however. he has
made an affidavit before Judge Hunt of
the superior court. in which he says
he never performed the marriage cere-
mOny between Senator Fair and Mrs
Craven. but that Mrs Craven offered
him $4,000 10 testify that he had done
so.
symptom SAYS that he agreed to do
this, intending to expose Mrs. Craven
at the proper time. Mrs. Craven says
Symptoms latest statement is faorl-
cation.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-17
miscellaneous.
ATHLETES ARE BOUNCED.
Nineteen Suspended By Amateur As
sociafiOu

Nineteen Suspended By Amateur As
ISOLATION.
Chicago. Feb. 16.-The Tribune says:
1.-THE Chicago Athletic association,
Frank W. Wentworth and William
Hale Thompson, and nine athletes for
merry connected with the Cherry Cir
Gle, have been suspended by the Cen
trail association of the Amateur Ath-
letic union. The charge against the
club is Offering inducements in the way
of club house privileges to the athletes
to obtain their services for the various
teams. The charge against William
Hale Thompson and Frank w. Went
worth is that they refused to give tes-
timony in the cases. and the charge
against the athletes is that they re-
CeiVed compensation for athletic serv-
ices.
This ~~tiOn was taken at the secret
meetI EcId some time ago. but the
decision was withheld by the Amateur
Athletic union officials in the hope that
Wentworth and Thompson would tes-
tify.
The action cuts off the Chicago Ath-
letic association from participating in
any open events of the Amateur Atb-
letic union until reinstated. The asso-
citation viii be reiuStated when it
proves it did not offer inducements to
the athletes or when the Amateur Ath-
letic union decides that the Chicago
organization has been sufficiently pun
iSheds
The Amateur Athletic union officials
don't believe the present regime at the
club is to be bl7med too severely for the
work carried on under other adm IS
trations, and So it is likely the sus-
pension viii be only temporary and the
registration committee in a short time
Will Teinstate the big club.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-17
HEARD AND SEEN
IN TIlIMONY'S COURT

George Hunt. the hobo who was
caught by Officer Chase in the act OF
rolling Paz Gonzales in the rear room
of Brockr eyer's saloon. was bound
over to the district court on a charge
Of attempted grand larceny Chase
testified to the facts as he had found
them and Gonzales Identified a kew and
a knife found on Hunt as belonging to
himself. Hunt disputed this, but the
court concluded there was suff cient
evidence 10 hole him I'm bonds Of $500.
The docket came down TO an inglori-
Gus finish with Albert Miller. a poor old
drunk
Trying to break in jail?" asked the
court
Me-"
Yes"
why 1 never did it. It's a bare
faced
Where are you from?"
oh I came down from C0rey's
Three days"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-17
OLD SPORT WAS FOURTH.
Campana Gets Inside Walking Match
Money.

st. Louis, Mo, Feb. l6.-Amid the
plandits of a large crowd Of sDecta-
tors, Thomas Cox, of New York. dashed
across the finishing line at 1920 o'clock
tonight. winner Of the siX-day go-as-
you-please race. which has been in pro-
gress at Clark's Natatorium since last
Sunday night. Cox finished with a
score Of 545 miles. He was wan and
drawn. but without question was the
strongest man OF the bunch at the end.
Just before the finish came he ran half
dozen laps at a speed that carried
him around his connections a dozen
times Day, the Englishman. who Sc
cured second place finished in very
fair condition with q score of $40 miles.
Between him and Barnes. who took
third money. an intense rivalry has ex-
listed and they started i'm this -c~n-
ing Kill each other of. Barnes set the
pace. but weakened during the even
ing and the Englishman passed man.
finishing one mile ahead of the Penn
sylvanian. b r.1s was on the verge
0f collapse as the race reached its
close. old Sport Campana only
walked four miles during the dav. but
this put him within the money at $50
miles
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-17

It has completely braced me up. ! am
just as vigorous as when a boy and
you cannot realize how happy ] am.
Dear Sir:-YOUr method worked
beautifully. Results were exactly what
l needed. Strength and vigor have
completely returned and enlargement
is entirely satisfactory
Dear Sir;-YoUTs was received and
1 had no trouble in making use Of the
receipt as directed and can tTuthfuliy
say it is a boon to weak men. ! am
greatly improved in size, strength and
vigor."
All correspondence is strictly conf
Dental, mailed in plain sealed en-
velopes. The receipt free for the ask
ing and he wants every man 10 have IL