The true Democrat., 1900-01-06
PLAYFUL ACE.
yhv Two Excellent Old Citizens Di"h'
Sneak for Two Years.

Why Two Excellent Old Citizens Di'n
Speak for Two Years.
"When q man gets along to be
hundred OF. hundred and ten years
old" observed Judge Crabtree, ''he
ought to begin to sober down ana re-
alize that life is serious undertak' &
ing. He ought especially to COM
mence to grasp the advantages OF 'ru'n'
telling.
'There were old Squire Whatmau
and Uncle Joe Gibbs, who lived up ID
the country. The squire was one o'
these men who is always croaking dis.
mally-a pezzimist, Deacon Har' ison
used to call him. He was always feel
ing how much better things were
when he was young. Everything was
bigger and grander and more intense
in his day. The weather was hottie,
in summer and colder In winter. Used
to saw that in the summer OF "a they
had to shear sheep three times ana
hire bows to fan 'em, the weather was
90 hot. Had to pick the chickens
too. so he said, and they all got SC
tanned going without their r, feathers I,
that when folks came to kill them ID
the fall they were found to be dark
meat all the way through. Maybe
sometimss the squire would place
this in the year '2s, Or the year ~,
just as it happened. And when !, !
was a good day for lying he'd shove !
back before the late war, and tak'
his chances. The old rsprotate mean
the war of 1912. The civil war III
always referred to as that 'scrlmmas
between some of the states.
"Uncle John Gibbs, on the othe'
hand. was what she deacon called oil
'opticiopist,' and always looked on ths
bright side OF things. Said We live'
in an age of progress. and when tn
squire told his sheep story he woul'
recall in rebuttal the summer OF 2s
when it was so cold that they couldn'
shear the sheep at all, and some folk
pulled old trouser legs and that sor
Of thing on their geese.
zone hot day in summer the SOUR
came along wearing a WOODEN cap, o
a usual, and with his hands III his pocI
cts to keep 'em warm, and toun
. Uncle Joe seated under tree, lig htl
}. clad, and tanning himself with
shingle. The squire observed pleas
n autly that it seemed to be gettin
cooler. Uncle Joe asked him If 81 W!
$ cooler. The squire shivered and sa'
he didn't know much about these ne
tangled thermometers, but accordir
o to his feelings it was getting cooler
!. a rapid rate, and he was going hon
!. to put on his red yarn mittens. In
{. aroused Uncle Joe, and he offered
); bet eight shilling, that at half.past
!. o'clock the thermometer would be
}. to los in the shade. The squi
3 promptly took the bet, sneezed Ell
l. sivsly, and toddled of home.
/, "Gnc!e Joe's Thermometer hung
!; the north side Of the woodshed, on
" as it happened, directly over knf
hole in the boards which was lu
above a shelf inside. About o'clo
@ the upright Uncle Joe put a brick
the kitchen fire. A few minutes !
fore the appointed time he took
~ out with the tongs and put it
- the shelf and squarely against
'os kuot-hole. Then he went back un'
m. the tree. The next moment the SOU
ru came down the street, his coat b
~ toned up and his cap drawn dov
H. Is. Uncle Joe laid aside his shingle q
W. :" led the way to the woodshed. ]
1" squire glanced at the thermometer {
and then rubbed his eyes. Then
2 looked again and pulled out his So
q tacles and adjusted them. He lool
y once more, then took hold OF his ST
tac!es with one hand and ran them
- and down his nose as if he were pl
ing trombone, but there was
ILL., getting around those figures.
'le- thermometer stood at 113. The sq'
out drew silver dollar from his poe
she and handed it to Uncle Joe, with
1t simple remark that though it
the apparently hot, the weather di'
seem to take hold on sheep as it
= in the summer Of .. He glar
back at the thermometer once m
q when his eye happened to catch
' edge Of the knot-hole. He pushed
n thermometer to one side, bhsteret
fingers on the brick and then tul
q and aimed a savage blow at Uncle
, This worthy lodged, dropped his
,n lar and ran into the house.
= squire gathered up his money
@ trotted on home at o rate OF g.
s3A probably never before touched
man who had helped revive S
I'd with ice water during Thomas il
lys. sons first term. Two old exec
ning nhlg citizens didn'tspeak for two years
eh Hayden Carruth, in Harper's Ba
eel