The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-12-18
SMART SHORT STORIES.

TIE other day a newly appointed ward
en- was taken by the prison chaplain into
the chapel. where the prisoners were as
sembled in a body. The chaplain pre-
scented him to the company with the re-
mark that he would say a few words.
The warden was bashful man, and I'M
accustomed to speech-nIaking He stam-
mered, suffered, blushed, and faitered:
Ladies and-er-no-no-gent is
men and fellow priSoners-er-I can't
make a speech; I-don't know how to
make a speech. In fact, all-er-alI
can says fs-er-that I'm very glad indeed
to see so many of you herei"
On one occasion, during a visit to Ameri-
ca, Michael Gum, who assisted Gilbert
and Sullivan i'll bringing out many Of
their operas. was trying the voices of
some candidates for the chorus One of
them sang in sort Of affected Italian
broken-Englisis. The stage manager in
terrupted. Look here he said, "that
accent won't do for sailors or pirates.
Give us less Mediterranean, and a little
more Whitechapel." Here Gum turned
and said, NOf what nationality are you?
You don't sound Italian" The other
suddenly dropped his Italian accent, and
in Irish said, ''Shure, MI Gum. I'm
from the same country as yourself
Robert Barr relates that once, Spe ak
tns with Bret Harte, he upheld the rigid
life Henry Thoreau had led at Walden
Pond, as compared with the luxurious
surroundings Of many modern authors.
Barr advocated a return to the sic1pler
habits of Cur ancestors. Yes" Harte
replied, living on parched peas sounds
very fine in a book. When I visited
Emerson, I was astonished to find how
close Walden pond was to the Emerson
homestead, and I commented on this.
I had imagined that the pond was away
out in the wilderness, miles from any
human habitation. Before Emerson
could reply, Mrs. Emerson SPOKE up in
the tone of a woman exposing a hum
bug: oh, yes, Henry took good care
not to get out of hearing of our dinner
horn. .
When Pinero's 1.-THE Gay Lord Quex,''
which is now being produced in New
York by John Hare, was first Srought out
in London, the attention of the audience
was drawn to a certain brand Of cham
payne, which was several times referred
to by one of the characters, the Du hess
Of Strood. It sounded singularly like a
real name, but even the greatest diner
out could not exactly remember having
seen it. In about month, however, peo-
pie began to discover that there was a
'99. But this is really only proof that
business acuteness fourishes in steady
going London as elsewhere. Two young
men, one of whom, curfously enough, had
been an actor, had bought some cham
3aene of the SO vintage on specu alton,
but it was from unknown vineyards and
had no name When Mr.. Pinero's play
became the talk of London these shrewd
young gentlemen hurricdly had labels
printed and launched the brand.
Russell Sage, who owns several houses
in the little Long Island village of Law
renee, recently engaged a plumber named
HoIler to make some repairs. When the
work was done the plumber presented his
bill, amounting to 49, to Sage personally
The Wall street fnancier looked the ac-
count over carefully and remarked. de-
cisively: s.I'H give you SIS cash. "AH
light," said Holler, 81 need the money"
The other day Sage asked him for an
estimate on another job. Holier spent