The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-12-16
"MODERN FABLES, ty George Ade.
"MODERN FABLES, - fy ucoSge nue'
6be Modern Fable of the Weak Brofber
Who Made People 0hfnk Of Lord II ).
Chesterfield ~ * ~ - * 81 ~ 81
Z TCopyright, 1900. by Robert Howard RusseiLl (

yellow Gloves at Ball. or it would be a
Case OF the Blue Wagon.
He found it was quite a Jump from
Hall Bedroom and Home-Cooked Meal
for &c to the Society Of Large Gloomy
Ladies who use the Side OF the Spoon in
stead or the End and could pronounce
Blanc Mango without Culver. He began
to understand that he had shouldered quite
a Contract when he tried 10 break away
from the Herd and run forward with the
Bellows.
Still, he made a Flying Start The Piano
Player worked him into Dinner Party. be-
cause nearly every one had sent Regrets on
account of the Hostess being seen a great
deal with her Husband, and il was sup
posed there must be something Wrong Be-
sides, she did not want TO have just Thir-
teen at the Table, and that is how the Han
Bedroom Man wedged in. He received his
Invitation at 6:15 and at 6:f5 he was on tho
Spot with n new Pair of Patent feathers
that still showed the Size Mark on the Bot
tom when he jauntily crossed his Legs TO
show that he was at Ease
He noticed that he was the only Gentle
man present who wore Turquoise Studs.
with a Black Handkerchief folded across
the Abdominal Region so as 10 produce a
Dressy Effect. He feared that he was not
as de Riguer as some OF the Boys that had
been in the Game for Season or more, and
it Ratified him so that he used the Large
Spoon for the Blue Points and the Coffee
Spoon for the Potage. He tried to watch
the Others to see which Implement to pick
I<..2 If @Ha~r, Falrf
Desperate Chances, the same as he was. BY
the Time he reached Ice Cream he had no
Tools left except a cute little Harpoon and
something that looked like a Surgical In
strument.
He rather Tripped up on the Conversation
too, FOR he had not learned 10 play Golf
and never had been to see the Rogers
Brothers. Once he thought he saw an Open
ing, and he offered 10 show his new 500
Watch, but every one started to Talk about
something else. and the Piano-Player
kicked him under the Table.
He went home from the Dinner wonder
ing if he wouldn't do better on the Night
Shift at the Glue Works than in the Front
Row at Function.
When a Woman sent him her Card with
Thursdays written in the Lower Left
Corner. he didn't know whether he should
Write, Mail q Card, send Flowers, or re-
gard ii as an Effort on her part 10 make a
Date.
He saw that there were great many
Fine Points in the Society Racket that
were New Ones on him.
So he went out and bought Little Book
written by a Space Man living in Stag
IIofal infarpnino paonIa how, IN Rabay.s
as to give the Impression that they were
Well-Bred, no matter what the Facts might
be.
He went I'D TO his Suite and read the
Book and discovered that during the whole
40 Years of his life he never had done any
thing According to Hoyle
He had been accustomed TO carry his
Laundry with him each Saturday Evening.
The Book said that carrying Bundle in
the Street was "a little worse than Sheep
Stealing. and almost as bad as beating a
Crippled Child with Mallet.
He nearly ckoked with Shame when he
read that any one who played combina-
ton of Frock Coat and low Derby was
guilty OF Misdemeanor, and 90 omit the
Stick or Umbrella was nothing short OF
High Crime.
1t is said that all Vegetables should be
carried on the Fork. Re did not believe IL
could be done at all, axcept after Years OF
Rehearsals.
He read that Men must not wear Jewelry.
He had always supposed that no Man could
be out-and-out Genteel on anything less
that IL Carats.
Then there something more about
the Spoon. ANY one leaving Spoon I'm the
Cup could be set down as a Boor, what
ever that meant And any one breaking
Crackers into the Soup deserved TO be
Drawn and CHARTERED.
But what Stopped him was the Warning
that no one drinking from the Saucer
could be tolerated in the Best Circles. He
wondered IL q Man ought 10 Scald himself.
merely TO be Correct
When he concluded the Book and per-
ceived that he had invariably violated every
Rue from A TO L. he knew that he did not
belong. and never would, so he blew out the
Gas, and they found Him there in the
Morning.
MORAL: To Insure Peace Of Mind, ig-
more the Rules and Regulations.