River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1900-08-09
| Mr.. John Takes His Bath
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IN THE olden days, when Rome was
as beautiful as she was brilliant auc
as brilliant as she was base, the BATH
was an institution. 1t was not an ac
cessory to the toilet as it is at the pres
ent time. 1t was a place where pro
found statesman and polished patriciaT
and perfumed epicurean met to lounge
and visit and discuss affairs of state
and social importance. They went
there with much ceremony and pomp
attended by their slaves and arrayed in
gorgeous attire. They reclined in.
dolently under awnings of burning
crimson and royal purple and they
Toasted and drank and spoke of the
beauties and the sonorous cadences Of
Homeric verse. And they watched the
sunlight CLINT and glitter on the per
fumed waters, turning them to limpio
azure at their feet, while the low, plain
tive voice of some bronze-skinnedh harp
list rose and fell in musical monotone
sweet as love and sad as death, lulling
their epicurean senses to somnolent
content. 1t was all lovely with the love
illness of art and the poetry of un
shackled paganism. 1t had all the dig
nifty of an age that was sublime in its
consciousness and superb in its sin. Il
was scene that had all the color ant
fire and barbaric splendOr beloved oil
the Caesars. 1t has filled the dreaming
eyes of centuries of painters ana been
the inspiration and the despair of brain
and chisel
1t was all this. But to-day there is
change. Paterfamilias still takes his
bath. 1t is weekly necessity. not q
ceremony. 1t is preceded and followed
by tri-weekly or daily "sronges," but
il is duty to self and community, like
paying the taxes and going to church
Aud he observes it in the same manner
and catalogues it on his mental en-
C3gement list under the same heading
lie regards il as an unavoidable but re
grettable waste of time instead of in
the Romanesque light of sensuous
pleasure and social enjoyment The
perfumcd waters are to him not
languorous with the incense of Araby
but redolent with bath soap and am
monia. The Inaible steps and waves O
lmpid azure have gone glimmering
whittier he wots not nor cares as ht
lifts the soiled clothes basket the
baby's rocker. a dress-suit case and a
preserve kettle out of the tile bathtul
and turns on both taps.
The purple and crimson and gold o.
fringe and canopy have faded, as fade
-, l.
falls over his wife's sewing table as he
enters the three-cornered bathroom tc
light the gas. There is no bronze
skinned slave with plaintive song
heavy with its burden of far-off Egypt
and soft-limbed maiden. broken-hcart
ed and sleeping a wakeless sleep in ITS
golden sands. lie hears instead his six
dollar-per-week empress of the kitchen
making remarks down the lift" to the
grocery man as she makes the blocks
and tackle swing remarks that refer
to some overripe eggs and that are
lurid in color and not suitable for pub
location in a family newspaper.
And, 10 begin at the beginning, tn,
modus operandi of paterfamilias OF
bath night as follows; His wife com
menCes by mentioning at dinner thai
this is his bath night. He does not an
swcr with much enthusiasm and the
matter drops. Then he rises from the
table. lights cigar. sits down by the
study-lamp and hides himself behint
the paper. His better half suggest:
that he take his bath early tonight
and he murmurs:
''Eh? Oh yes. The British certain
" bit a bigger mouthful than they car
comfortably masticate. Serves EN-
right, drat EN-! Turn the lamp higher
will you?"
He reads steadily for some time and
his wife finishes some darning, puts her
sewing materials neatly away and re
marks cheerfully:
Don't forget your bath. dear"
"Bath? Nope. Say. that was bad
EmaShup on the y. & O. Now. why in
blazes they can't manage this train
business better beats me. They've got
their signal system, with all sorts OF
trills on it, and yet they can't stop at
eros sroad or.water tank but what the
next train has to plump into 'em and
send everybody to kingdom come
No'e. if were running a road"
Are these Billy's cuffs. John?"
NO; mine Say, if that boy don't
leave my linen alone there's goin' to be
trouble. l never wore my fathers
clothes. If | had I'd have been taken
Tor some calisthenic exercises in the
woodshed. And his fathers no better
than mean, he's as good as-say,
BUYS aching for lickin' and he'll get
it enc of these days. You'll see"
lie turns another page and there is
long pause.
Presently his wife looks at the clock
MY! Its after ten. Sha'n't turn on
the water in the bath, John?"
Some iuarticuIate grunts issue un-
musically from behind the paper and
Mrs John rocks back and forth gently
soon she yawns little and rubs her
eyes sleepily. Then She studies the
top of Johns head doubtfully.
John. dear. its growing late. Won't
you take your bath now?"
John dear Jerks another page over
and remarks amiably that he'll take il
i'm minute, but aby in the name of al
the gods they want , run that duffel
for reelection is beyond comprehen
sion. 1t is just such skates that dom
know enough to come in when il rain
real hard that seem TO get in offic,
somehow. They and blacklegs. Now
f he had been in office he would hav,
shown the party what was what. II
the fl place, he would
Mr. John thinks she hears the bah,
Itir and disappears in the bedroom
When size returns her husband has sliC
down in his chair, with his head clos
70 the lamp. and is dead TO the worl'
in the stock quotations. She tides nj
the room, then hesitates and say
finally;
"John. dear, If you don't mind.
think I will 60 to bed. viii you tax
your bath sCon?'
Sonnet hing ike "Awri-gw'on-finisl
s'articte" Foats from the depths Of tn
newspaper and Mrs. John thankful,
departs.
"The towels are in the bathroom