The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1900-09-21

his lips. nad ne attempted them, hut he
did not. With an utter disregard OF
cr:vcntiunallty he burst upon the audi
tn*r with the cold announcement:
"Ihr speaker has made two mistakes.
10 begin with, I'm not the Rev. Mr..
Mct>dy at all. I'm plain Dwight \. Moo
dy. Il Sunday school worker. And then
I'm not your American COUSIN by the
Erac; o: God I'm your brother, interest
ed with YOU in our Fathers work Tor
His chi!lrt IL.
And now about this vote Of thanks to
the Nnblc earl for being Our chairman
this evening" l don't sec why we should
thank him any more than he should
than k us. When at one time they offered
to thank our Mr.. Lincoln for presiding
over meeting in Illinois, he stopped it.
He said he'd tried to do his duty. and
was about an even thing all arUunu'
That opening fairly took the breath
away from Mr.. Moody's hearers. Such a
talk could not be gagged by any known
standard. Mr.. Moody carried his English
audiences with him from that beginning
to his latest labors.
Judge El Jared in his recent expert
encc as a census enumeration in Muir
census, and the following dialogue was
called off:
How old arc you Mary?'
"Oh, LOrdy. mister, | dunnO.'
''Wtre YOU born in TenneSSec?'
no, sab. l was bawn in Salcm.'
"Whcre was your father born:'
Tile Dawn dar, too
"Whtre was your mother born:"
she hawn in Eagleville.'
Can you read?'
Yes, sab
"Write?'
Eyes, sah.'
"Speak EngliSh?'
''No, sab '-Murfrcesboro News-Baa-
nCr.
Among the Montana jocositics with
which Kollin Lynde Hartt is RECALLING,
perhaps hOrrlfying, q large tenderfOOt
constituency Of readers in the East is the
following tale, told in the Boston Tram
script, Of a n"wlyarrived ''Apostle to the
bronco-busters' who sought the loan Of a
horse:
"What for?' inquired the man with
the soMbrero, pistols and fringed leather
"chaps'
ITO spread the gospel" answered the
So the cowboy, selecting a meek-lcok-
ing little animal with u hang dog, shop
worn air about him, babe the young
clergyman make such use of him as his
pei might require. But scarcely had the
missionary got we'll astridc when the
pony lowered his head. archcd his neck
twitchcd his tail, and began a series Of
mad Understanding from the ground
like jack rabbit, landing with feet
punched and with the force of Il pile
driver: and incidentally rocking cnd-for-
end like Gloucester fishing schooner
"slung up by the nose on Georges The
air was suddenly filled with TeStamcuts
tracts and gospel hymns, ana cloud Of
alkall dust, some forty feet away, showed
where the preacher lay sprawling. Then
followed passage Of clerical vituDera-
ton which struck terror to the heart of
man and beast.
'Wrl, said the ranchman by way Of
apology. "Ycu wanted the cayuSr to
spread the gospel I gave you the hest
un for the purpose. Amt he done it?'
The story Of the EaSthampton j-ycar-
old boy who applied for Il marriage IL
ccnse recalls somewhat similar Incl
dent that happened in Buffalo not hun
dred years ago. The young Augustus
(also aged - came to his mother one
day with a brick in his hand, saying:
"Mamma. am going to build a house
in the backyard for little Elizabeth and
me-: We're going to be married and
Bridget says she will cook for us I told
elizabeth she ought to furnish the nurse.
Don't you think so, mam1na?'
The Oysters September Joke Book: A
Ready Guide for the Assistance of BIZ
valvu]ar Humorists:
r there, my OYSTER
The Oyster is now an Rticlc Of diet
Oh, Oyste
Remembe r.
Septcmbc
The most cultivated Oyster finds nothing
pleasing in the RS Poetica
r ends the Oyster.
The Oyster 'despises the culinary IT.
DodSer
ITO Rms. to Rms: the foe, they COME
The Oyster'd cry were he not dumb.
Rdent love is not the Oysters kind
Did Noah have Oysters in the Rk?
The half-grown Oyster stands fair
chance of Rested development these days.
The Oyster knows there Il jokes and
jokes.
The good Oyster is quite liable to be in
Rticulo mortis about now.
September is the Rchimedean lever that
moves the Oyster world.
The Oyster has left the Rmy Of the IN
Jokes on the Oyster never become
The unhappy Oyster looks upon septem-
Oysters conjugate the verb to be lin the
soup as follows:
| You
| They Il.
The Oyster fills. all the Rteries of the
shellfish trade at present.
Now is the time when the Oyster expects
his obituRy.
W. J. L. in New York Sun.
--:O:-
A Glasgow paper reports that Gin a
country church one Sunday afternoon
the service was practically stopped for a
short time owing to the noise caused by
couple of dogs outside which started
worrying each other.' A correspondent
who sent the cutting to the Westminster
Budget, tells another Scotch story. 1t
| was once usual for Highland shepherds
to take their dogs to church and leave
them outside the pews. Two sheperds
at enmity sat on opposite sides of the
aisle one Sunday. Soon after the sermon
began the dogs-one collie and the 9th
or not-seemed to enter into their mas
ters' quarrel. One tender of the flock
and then the other egged on his animal,