The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1900-06-19
THE TERRORS OF JUNE
The Poets Praises Do Not
Apply to Washington.
MANY TRIALS AND TRIBULATIOyS
Inc D'spepfic Woman Discearses Upea
automobiles. Which Are Nuissnees; We'd
s'nss, Which Are FasereaI and Expeu..
I'VE; Strawberry Festivals, Which Nearly
induce Madness, and College Commence.
menfs, Which Result i'm Brain Fever.

induce Madness, and College Commence.
ments, Which Result i'm Brain Fever.
Inc automobile" complained the eys-
pepuc woman TO q sympathizing friend.
was the one thing needed 10 make
washington June the most uHbearable
| !ioh's IN the calendar. One would think
mat with the March and April house
cieahlng of our hands and the Nav NOV
ihs zone and over. June would hold 70
terfors Tor the average Washingtonian.
but u does. Look al me I've had two
chocolate Fridays and a coca cola. and
yer m perspiring like an April shower.
nat am l 'exerting myself over?' WHY.
III buying wedding presents. and through
out the month OF June I've been doing the
same thing. yesterday and to-day and
| forever
ana now comes the automobile, Don't
! argue with me-" as the syunpathlzing
Irlehd offered a mild remonstrance. Il
hho" all about the advantages Of STAN
anu electricity over the ordinary horse
l KNOW all about tires and breaks and
levers out / distinctly object when I'm
oo"iihg along behind two Of the best
horses in Washington, rugged out in my
newest organdie gown. to coming sid
uenly upon a half-cast vehicle that ap-
pears to be dashing around madly in
search of its horse and the next minnie
10 nnd myself rolling ignominiousIv in
the gutter. while the startled horses vi
ciously kick the trap 10 pieces and the
merry automobiles disappears around
curve III the road with a moeking 'Ta-tap
Haunt Rock Greek Park.
Ihere Is no other city In the world
"hich mas park OF one thousand ceres
so near Its business center that Won don't
even need 10 take a street car i'm order 70
Ieach 1t, and Rock Creek Park. with IT'S
drives and its walks and its coy. bea mi
iul picnic spots, was the one thing that
made a Washington June endurable. Now
ROCK creek Park has gone over to the
enemy and is the haunt of the wild-eyed
automobilist. There is no seclusion there
any longer. The woods are full of tham
lie pulling, steamy things or the buzzing
eiectrlcs come upon you without warning /
not even allowing you time 10 fix your 4
halr or get your hat on straight Time !
was when girl could stroll through the /
sylvan shades with the particular Young |
man upon whom she has designs and /
gather daisies and buttercups and listen /
10 sweet nothings without the fear of in /
lruslon' or she could drive peacefully |
about picturesque roads, meeting only a |
lew humans in fashionable victorias or
natty dog carts. and these were all well |
heraIded by the sound OF approaching |
hoofs.
Everybody who drove then had ar OBJ |
lect- They went to enjoy themselves, to |
- IL,
ana 10 court their best girls Now you
meet the automobilist. Apparently he /
las no object other than to get past you /
as quickly as he can with his life. His /
teeth are set in a mad desire for speed. |
HIS hair is flying in the WIND; his hand is |
On the lever. and his face Is screwed I'D |
into the most uniEtelligibie expression |
that ever graced the physiognOmy Of /
man. Sometimes he has girl with him: |
more often not. 1t is all the same The /
madness is upon him, and girl or no girl, |
he rides like a flying juggernaut over all /
that his frerZied eyes rests upon. And |
I've heard them say they license them!
Hear, Weddings, Etc.
The automobile, however Is not the !
only phase Of this month Of poets and /
young vegetables which makes weary the |
heart of man. The poet who sang What
is so rare as a day in Juneg evidently
knew nothing of it. There Is nothing rare
about them. They come every year
thirty of the1l-and they are fraught with
misery to the usual man or woman about
town. What constitutes the misery?
Feat, weddings. commencement exercises
and strawberry festivals. They say We
are neither intellectual nor phiIan1hropic;
they say Washington men don't marry,
but
Look at your mail on a shining June
nc rnirg. If you are unmarried and by
right OF age oughtn't to be, just watch the
maid, piling up beside your plate a pyra-
MID of thick, creamy-white envelopes,
that make the milk on your oatmeal taste
sour and spoil the flavor Of your straw
berries. They are wedding invitations
from all your friends. Did you ever no.
tice how, although all your friends were
married last June, an entirely
new crop appears to spring up this year,
with a heinous attempt to mar your Sc
rcnity Of mind?
Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Brown DOogles
Request the honor Of your presence 'mesasas
presentsJ
At the marriage OF their daughter,
katherine.
Mr.. George Algernon Caughtatlast
"You know the formula so well that you
could read IL backward with your eyes
shut, and yet an uncomfortable curiosity
mpels you to open all the envelopes.
Your next thought. after you have /
looked in the mirror and counted your
gray hairs. is Now, what on earth snail
| buy emp and that thought microbe
all
'laying away in a downtown Office or
the preserving. You lift oct '
he hot, steaming berries with a soup I
adle, and Immediately endless visions OF
gold-lined sOup-ladles chase each other
through your mind; yoI pick up tea
spoon at luncheon, and dozens OF spoons,
big and little, in all shapes and varieties, 5
DIN the ladies' in a mad dance before
'our mental vision; you wipe your nose ! /.
With lace handkerchief. and - once
iour busy brain is arguing with Itself {
Is TO the respective merits OF duchesse
ma honiton, while the rle:e sight OF
'iano lamp recalls you 10 The subject
vith start, and plunges you into a stale
u mental wedding present agony iii o
asst you long 10 rush down to the level
rs or the silyersmiths and gasp. Give
ae three wedding presents please" and 10
hut your eyes While they arc Eeiag
Gloom Mt the Weddings.
This part OF the performance over.
he worst is yet 10 come. Dressed I'D in
tin silk and a starched collar, you are
expected TO sit through the entire eere-
nony. while the happy Katherine y
made less than one. / cannot understand
he morbid curiosity which prompts the
suai woman 10 tT0t around from we'd
ing TO wedding. Surely nothing coUll b.
more funereal in atmosphere than an
rdinary wedding. The ushers look
frightened and bored; the bridesmaids
1ok painfully self-conscious; the bride IL
nervous wreck; the bridegroom Is in a
ondition OF semi-lunacy. the mamnas
re weeping. and the guests look as awed
nd depressed as IL an execution were