davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
"A Joke of sydney Smiths.

On the occasion of dinner Sydney
Smith was the guest, and when the
evening was over the host thanked
the wit heartily for the entertainment
he had afforded. IT shall not forget
you, Mr.. Smith," he added "Thank
you. Take care you don't forget your
self tomorrow Gt was Saturday, in
church." rejoined Smith. whereat the
host. Kershaw by name, rather bridled
up.
~ hope. sir. know how to behave
myself in church!" WELL" said Smith
good temperedly, "if catch you smil-
ing l will call you by name" you
may" rejoined the visitor. "The thing
is absurd. will give you donation
to the York hospital if it happens"
On the ensuing morning Smith read
the prayers reverently, as he always
did. then assembled the pulpit. looked
around the church and rested his eye
on the visitor whose name was Ker-
shaw. That gentleman said afterward
that he did not know what possessed
him, but so it was he gave a broad
smile. Thereupon the preacher was
seized with a violent inclination to
sneeze, and, applying his handkerchief
with suitable action, he sounded 'ker-
ker k-ker-shaw" three times over
From 'The "reminiscences of Half
Century" by r. W. Eiley.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Bright. Threat to H,. wife.

Two characteristic anecdotes of
John Bright are given in Sir Edward
Russells memoirs. which he has pub
lished under the title "That Reminds
Mo"
Bright was supposed to be total alb
stainer, but once when Edward Mall
ls very nervous at the prospect of
hNving to make an important speech in
thesl house, Bright said:
"Well. Mall, if were you, I'd for
once go and have pint of cham
pagne."
Mr.. Mail did as he was told, and the
result may be judged from the nara
tors comment that champagne on an
unaccustomed interior is not always a
curative or a tonic"
Bright rarely had any difference
will his wife," but occasionally they
were not at one about the children.
When they came to point Of absolute
disagreement, he used to say:
Now. l tell thee. if thou doesn't do
what wish. I'll go straight to Mr..
Gladstone and ask him to make me a
knight" to which the answer invari-
ably was:
ooh. anything rather than that"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
A Minister'S Good Work.

g l had severe attack of bilious
collie. got bottle of Chamherlain's
Collie Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy,
took two doses and was entirely cured''
says Rev. A. A. Power, of Emporia,
Kan. My neighbor across the street
was sick for over week, had two or
three bottles of medicine from the
doctor He used them for three or
four days without relief, then called in
another doctor who treated him for
some days and gave him no relief, so
discharged him. l went over to see
him the next morning. He said his
bowels We're in terrible fix, that they
had been running off so long that it
was almost bloody flux. l asked him
if he had tried Chamberlain's Collie,
Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy and
he said No | went home and
brought him my bottle and gave him
one dose; told him to take another in
fifteen or twenty minutes if he did not
find relief, but he took no more and
was entirely cured.' For sale by Nick
Dotfing Co, Extra, and A. H.
Roberts. Audubon: druggists.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Late Hour. In St. Peter.burr.

Personally | know of no other town
where such late hours are the vogue
as in ST. Petersburg. But your st.
Petersburger does not get up early in
the morning. At st. Petersburg the
music halls, which it is the fashionable
thing to attend after the theater-a
drive to them taking half an hour in
swift sleigh-do not practically begin
till II. Through the Neva at o'clock
In the morning you have to literally
push your way, and the favorite trains
for travellers are those starting about
5 o'clock in the morning. These trains
save the Russian the trouble Of getting
up early. He wishes his friends good
night" and drives down to the station
comfortably after supper without pat
ting the house to any inconvenience
Jerome K. Jerome in Saturday Even
ing Post.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
A Couple of Shocks.

"Where have you been, Mr. Rocky?"
demanded the boss.
ooh, SIR" replied Rocky mendacious-
ly. my landlady is a most excellent
woman, and she has been so Ill that I
had to stay at home to nurse her."
This excuse went, and the boss turned
away. The following day Rocky felt
like he had sand in his head. and a
headache as long as rainy Sunday
in the country developed. He staid at
home, sending the excuse that his
landlady was dead and he had to at
tend the funeral. Later in the day a
WOMAN entered the bookstore and in
CURED for MI. Rocky.
"The reason | came here" she ex-
planned, sis because am his landlady,
and not having seen him for week
became uneasy and called to inquire
about him.
His landlady" gasped the boss.
"Why. woman. he's attending your fu-
neral this very day and has been nurs-
ing you for a week."
1t was a shock to the poor woman to
find she was dead, but shock Of an
other sort struck Rocky when he came
back to work. 1t was his funeral that
time.-LOuisville Times.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Oriental Punishment..

The heather Chinee deems the desc
Grafton of graves one of the most I'M
pardonable of crimes, and, according
to law, any man finding another in
the act of robbing a graveyard may
legally kill the villain on the spot with
out fear Of consequences.
If Turkish baker palms off a loaf
of bread on you that is proved to be
of less weight than it is represented,
you can instruct a policeman to nail
the defaulter by one of his ears to the
door of his shop so as to be in full view
of the passersby. The poor wretch will
then be provided with a sharp dagger
or knife, with which he can cut himself
fee so soon as he can summon up the
necessary courage required for the OPP
GRAFTON of self manning.
In many Of the oriental countries,
where precious stones are looked upon
as we'll nigh sacred objects, it is no
uncommon thing for a jewel robber to
be punished with death. In Tibet the
penalty for falling from your horse
when taking part in any military op-
erations or public athletics is death.
One writer recalls how he saw a man
shot in Montenegro for appearing at a
review wearing stained uniform.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
He Lifted the Ticker.

A London detective visiting Glasgow
met a Scotch police official on the
street and in The talk that followed
spoke contemL tuously of the ability
of Scotch thieves as compared with
the English experts.
Taking this as an dispersion cast on
the astuteness of the Scottish police as
we'll, the Glasgow detective WIS net
tied and thirsted for revenge Look
ing around, he espied a little fellow
who had been logging them and who
was known as an expert pickpocket.
Crossing the street he addressed the
boy and, pointing to the retreating
figure of the English detective, he ask
ed if he would know him again.
aye" replied the boy. "What ABBOTT
it?"
81 want you to lift his ticker. He
says no one in Glasgow can relieve
him of it,
"Ah, it's a richt See ony greene"
Honor bright, Tommy! I'll give
you half crown when you deliver up
the watch to me-"
4e will? An what else?"
Nothing else'
Lets see. then. I'm to lift the tick
er, an you're to pay half crown fort
on the spot?"
Eyes, that's it,"
An wad We ken it if We seen it?"
II would among a thousand"
is that it, them" And the boy, div
ing into his trousers pocket, displayed
the identical watch and explained that
he had secured it while the gent was
chattin ABBOTT the prigs"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Her Timely GIFT.

In common with other women, Mrs.
Brown delights in a bargain, and when
she observed the advertisement of
great fire and water sale in one Of the
department stores she repaired there
without delay. There were many fine
works Of science, travel. history, re-
ligion and fiction to be had for song
each, but her eyes rested on hand
somely bound copy Of "The Life of
General Grant," and she bought it for
her brother OF course, it would not
be fair to tell what she paid for it.
"The next day her brother came over
to thank her. Its fine" he said. 81
haven't got very far in it yet, but /
know it's going to be good When lit
tie Jane gets along little further in
her German I'm going to have her
read me bit of it every evening.
make rather slow progress of it my
self"
''ln German?" gasped the giver
Yes said the brother, Its written
in German. a mighty handy thing to
have around the house." Since then
Mrs. Brown has never bought fire or
water book without looking carefully
on the inside Of it.-Worcester (Mass.)
Gazette.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Distinction. In Being kicked.

The Arabs, clever horsemen as they
are, are quite as liable to accident as
English grooms. But the Arab likes to
be kicked by thoroughbred horse and
cannot endure to be put to any pain by
an animal whose pedigree is at all de-
fective. An English surgeon had been
setting the broken leg Of an Arab who
complained more of the accident that
had befallen him than was thought be-
coming in one Of his tribe. This the
surgeon remarked to him. and his an
swer was truly characteristic. do you
think, doctor, | should have uttered
word of complaint if my own high bred
colt In playful kick had broken both
my legs? But to have bone broken
by brute of jackass is too bad, and
l will complaint
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
NapoIeon ana ,the Roman Law.

Napoleon / had an extraordinary
mind. He appeared never to forget
anything he cared to remember and
assimilated information as the stomach
assimilates food, retaining only the
valuable. An incident will illustrate
this remarkable quality of his mind.
When forming the "Code Napoleon"
he frequently astonisheL the council
of state by the skill with which he H.
Illustrated any point in discussion by
quoting whole passages from memory
OF the Roman civil law. The council
wondered how man whose life had
been passed in camp came to know so
much about the old Roman laws. FL
nally one Of them asked him how he
acquired his knowledge.
When | was a lieutenant" Napo.
leon replied. 81 was unjustly placed
under arrest. My small prison room
contained no furniture except an old
chair and cupboard. In the latter
was ponderous volume. which proved
to be digest of the Roman law. Yon
can easily imagine what valuable
prize the book was to me- 1t was so
bulky and the leaves were so covered
with marginal notes in manuscript that
had l been confined 100 years need
never have been idle. When l re-
covered my liberty at the end of ten
days. was saturated with Justiniap
and the decisions of the Roman legis-
lation. 1t was then 1 acquired my
knowledge of the civil law"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
The Tulip erase.

About the middle of the seventeenth
century the tulip became known in
Germany, and a scientist named Ges-
ner gives the first description of this
flower. First only the yellow variety
was known, and then other colors were
produced by crossing. The Dutch, par
ticularly the citizens of Harlem. pro-
duced the most wonderful varieties Of
this flower and obtained enormous
prices for them.
In 1884 the trade in tulips assumed a
peculiar turn. 1t degenerated into a
sort of game of chance, so that in
1873 the authorities felt called upon to
Interfere and to issue edicts against
extravaganza in tulips, as they former
~ had against trains and laces. This
interference would seem to be justified
if one reads that in 1906 single flower
of this sort. called the Viceori, was
paid for with two cargoes of wheat
four cargons of rye, four fat oxen,
eight fat hogs, II fat sheep, two casks
of wine, four barrels Of beer, two tons
of butter, 1000 pounds of cheese,
complete bed, suit Of clothing and a
silver tankard
Another bulb, the Semper Augustus,
was paid for with 1900 gold guilders
and coach with double team of
horses. In Haarlem the tulip craze
reached its height in the decade from
1880 to ,1640, when price of 10000
gold guilders (about $4,000 American
money! is recorded for single bulb.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
How Br,er Rabbit heat Br,er Eox

One day Br'er Fox was hungry. AS
he wandered about the woods he saw
squirrel upon the branch of tall tree.
Hello, Br'er SQUIRREL he said
Hello, Br'er Foxv' replied the squir-
rel.
Then said Brer Fox: 81 once had a
brother who could jump from limb to
limb" $50 can l." replied Br'er SPUR.
rel. "Let me see you," said the fox.
So the squirrel jumped from limb to
limb.
"Br'er Squirrel, have brother who
can jump from tree to tree" 81 can
too" So Brer Squirrel jumped from
tree to tree.
"Br'er Squirrel. | had a brother who
could jump from the top of a tall tree
right into my arms" 81 can too"
And he did. Br'er Fox ate him all up.
Br'er Rabbit was lying in his bed
near by and saw all that was DONE
"Br'er Fox" said he, "your a mighty
smart man, but had a brother who
could do something you cannot do"
what was it?" said Br'er Fox
My brother could let anybody tie a
large rock around his neck and jump
off this bridge into the water and swim
out" $50 can L." said the fox. Then
Br'er Rabbit fixed the rock and the
string, and Br'er Fox jumped, but he
has not been heard of since.-Ameri-
can Folk Lore.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Paid MS He Went.

Patient-Then you think it's all up
with me. doctor?
Doctor-Tm afraid so.
well. we must all die once. and
may as we'll go now as afterward.
You're sure I'm going?"
yes"
"Then let me have your bill"
My bill! My dear sir. this Is very
unusual. You should give your
thoughts to most serious matters"
MY motto has always been pay as
you 60 and now that l am going
want to pay
So he paid and went
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Corkscrew Seed.

There are some seeds which literal
~ corkScrew themselves into the
ground" The most remarkable in
stance is perhaps that of the Spina
pennata, beautiful south European
grass. The actual seed is small, with
sharp point and stiff short hairs
pointing backward. The top end of
the seed is produced into finn twist
3d. corkscrewlike rod, which is fol-
lowed by plain cylindrical portion,
ending in long, delicate feather, the
whole being more than foot in length.
Owing to this feather the seed falls to
the earth point downward and sticks
In the ground.
But even if the seed should settle on
its side damp. by acting on the hairs
attached to it, causes it to rise up till
its point is downward. If shower
comes on or dew falls, the spiral I'M
ing covered, like the Seed with back
ward pointing hairs, it usually presses
against some blade of grass or other
obstacle, with the result that the seed
is pressed into the ground
On the spiral becoming dry again. it
curls up, and the seed is not drawn
out of the ground owing to it's back
ward pointing hairs, but the spiral and
the feather are easily drawn down. On
the return of damp the spiral again IN
winds and acting as before, drives the
seed still farther down until at last it
is quite buried.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Parted the Thrust.

A lady had in her employ an excel
lent girl who had one fault. Her face
was always in smudge. Her mistress
tried, without offending. to tell her to
wash her face and at last resorted to
strategy. :
do you know. Bridget" she remark
ed in confidential manner lit is said
that il you wash the face every day in
hot, soapy water it will make you beau
tiful?"
"Will it," said Bridget Sure, it's
wonder We niver tried it, ma'amm-
Our Dumb Animals
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
A Good LINCOLN Story.

Mr.. Lincoln said once that the bes,
story he ever read in the papers OF
himself was this:
"Two Quakeresses were travelling or
the railroad and were heard discuss
ing the probable termination of the
war.
4 think. said the first. that Jeffer.
son will succeed
why does thee think SOP asked the
other.
Because Jefferson is praying man.
And so Is Abraham a praying man,
objected the second.
Yes, but the Lord will think Abra.
ham is Joking the first replied con.
clusively."
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23

Editor In Chief understand young
Bluegore, rhe millionaire's son. has
gone in for journalism.
City Editor-Yes. He's on my staff.
Editor In Chief-And what do you
think of him?
City Editor-Wel he's unique fig
ure in journalism.
Editor In Chief-You don't say?
City Editor-Yes. He's at once the
richest and poorest reporter in the city
Catholic Standard and Times.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
No Deformity There.

Tommy allowed to sit up)-Why,
Sister Clara, Mr.. Tadwell's feet are
both alike. Embarrassment of Tom
my's sisterD
Mr.. Tadwell coming CALAMITY to the
rescue,-Ot course. Tommy. what did
you think?
TOMMY didn't think nothin, only
heard Sister Clara say you're always
putin your best foot backward and
wanted to see which one it was.-Ex-
change.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Stands Without a Rival,

Mr.. .Jno N. Wllkie, of SO Adams
Ave, West, Detroit, Michigan, writes
II have been troubled with very Sc
we're headache for years and have
taken great many different remedies
but have never found anything to give
me as speedy and permanent a cure as
krause's Headache Capsules. In my
opinion they stand without rival
they have cured me every time. Solo
by Nick Dotfing & Co, Extra, and n
z. Brorson, Audubon; Druggists.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
She Waa the One

Bridegroom latter the ceremony
Maud. you and are now one 1t only
remains to be decided which is the one.
tried to win you, didn't 1?
Bride-Yes. Harold.
"And won. That seems to settle it."
Not quite. Harold. You tried to win
me. You succeeded Then you are the
winner, are you not?"
"Yes. dear"
"And am the Won"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23

The combined catch of cod by all the
fisheries of the. world Is estimated at
500,000.00O pounds annually, most of
which is exported to tropical countries
after having been hard dried.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
The Patient Chinese.

An example Of patient industry is
the sorting Of hogs bristles as it is
carried on at Tien-tsin. China. Each
bristle of the 100000 Kilograms export
ed from that place last year had to be
picked out. measured and placed in
the bundle of hairs Of corresponding
length, and the different lengths by
which the hairs are sorted are numer-
GUS
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Snakes as Necklnce.

There are plenty of snakes in Samoa,
but they are all harmless. In certain
districts it is custom of the native
girls to wind live reptiles around their
necks and arms as ornaments for their
dances.-Two Republics.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23

Potatoes as food vary in value ac-
cording to the way they are cooked.
Roasted they are in the best form for
eating. Peasants eat potatoes together
with milk and are correct in principle,
as the milk furnishes the elements
lacking in the tubers.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Coffee AduIterntinn

An examination of sample of roast
ed coffee berries seized in Paris show.
ed them to be entirely artificial; chem
ical analysis disclosed ash. gum, deS-
trim. ETC., and the microscope showed
grains of wheat, starch. vegetable
debris and animal hairs The berries
were beautifully nodded.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
The Passion Play Town.

"Oberammergau is quaint place. :"
says a traveller. 'The whole town is
practically controlled by the Lang fam
lily They are the leading spirits in
the production of the play. They have
more or less charge Of the various
taverns, inns or hotels for the accom-
mediation of the travellers and in a gen.
eral way supervise everything"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23

Rubens received for his painting of
the grand ceiling in the banqueting
house. Whitehall, the sum of SOC. 900.
The space covered by this painting is
about 400 yards, so that he was paid
nearly $50 Il yard
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
senoras and senoritas.

The married and unmarried women
of the United States of Colombia.
South America. are designated by the
manner in which they wear flowers in
their hair, the senoras wearing them on
the right side and the senortas on the
left.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
His Comparison.

When you eat. be careful to leave off
hungry. is advice often given at the
dinner table, but seldom received in
an obedient spirit
The caution was repeated not long
since TO youngster of vigorous appe-
tite.
"Pshaw". he said You might as
well tell me to wash my face and be
careful to leave off dirty"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23

Paymasters and commissariat of.
ficials of the German army receive
special training in examining the quail
ity of food supplied to the army.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23
Got the Change.

"Why were you tempted to steal this
mans purse?"
Because my doctor recommended
me to take little change"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23

A man born with silver spoon in
his mouth may be the offspring of
family that stole the spcons.-New
Orleans Picayune.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23

VI ANTED-Honest man or woman to travel for
IL large house; salary S65 monthly and ex-
close self-addressed stamped envelope. MAN
AGER. 800 Caxton bldg. Chicago
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1900-08-23

If you make ruby hot, it becomes
green, but goes back again presently
- its own color
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1900-07-09

Lode Mining claim. dpon which a notice
OF intention to apply for q patent was
posted OF the 18th day of June, A. ID. 1900.
situated in Summit Valley (unorg.) Mining
district. Silver Bow county, state OF Mon
tana. and designated as sBurvey- No. $751;.
being more particularly described as fol-
lows, to-wit:
Beginning at the southeast corner. which
y the point Of intersection of the north side
line OF Survey No. 792 with the west end
line of Survey No. 4402. a I rail-, 4 inches
above ground. with a mound of stone
alongside. and marked 1-6Sal for Corner No.
south boundary, of Section !. fractions -.
utes f. S6O5.6 feet. and running thence N.
3 degrees e. 2.5 feet; thence N, 81 degrees 30
minutes w. 60 feet: thence S. 3 degrees W.
35 feet; thence s.. 81 degrees 30 minutes =.
6.5 feet to the place of beginning, containing
an area Of .O00bS acres. OF which .OO026 acres
are in conflict with Survey No. 792. not
claimed. leaving .0O027 acres claimed by the
above named applicants.
The location of this claim IL OF record In
the Recorders ONCE of Silver Bow county.
Locations, at page 175.
The adjoining claims to these premises
are Survey No. 679. Buffalo Lode, Lot 10.
John Noyes ct al. applicants. on the north:
Survey No. 4402, Marcus Lode. the Ana
east: s., rvey No. 1872. Little Nina Lode.
Lot $50. John NJ. Steward ct al. applicants,
GEORGE D.. GREENE.
Register. /
3. SAMUEL BARKER, JR.,
Attorney for Applicant. !
(First Publication June %, 1900.