The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-01
SMART SHORT STORIES


! following experience:
we played The Merchant of Venice,
on Christmas day in Chicago, and gave
| Il pass to nice, kind, old colored waiter
who attended me at my hotel After the
play 1 asked him what had struck him
most and would live longest in his mem.
| ory-the pound of flesh?
" The running away of -JessicaT
The Jew?
No
What. thenT
:" Oh. it certainly pleased me nightly
| to see all those lovely ladies' and gentle.
men a-bowtn' 'emselves down before the
| colored gentleman"
He was the Prince of Morocco"
Sss
minister in Il prayer meeting up ir
Northern New York cut short Uncle Ira.
prosy old deacon. by ringing a bell al
| the end of five minutes But after doins
| so he felt sorry. because he had apparent-
ly hurt the feelings of an old father in
Israel. Sc he arose and went down ta
Uncle Ira and put his hand on he o,d
mans shoulder
" Uncle Ira said he. Tn sorry for
that. I ask your pardon and
Uncle Ira looked up, the anger stiH
in his eyes
why. ye don't think set down on ac-
| count of that pesNy little bell Of your'n
| do ye?' he demanded
| why, I-I-weu 1 thought STAN.
| pered the minister
! Wal" said "UncIe" Ira. eye needn't
/ think no more about that bell / want To
! tell ye right now that no bells amt ever
! goin' to set me down in this yastry where
| I've talked gOin' on twenty-nine years ]
! want to tell ye right now, young man
1 ii 1 hadn't jest swdllered my chaw ia
kept on talkn' till I'd a 'lucidated thai
! pint il it had a-took me all night"
''The last shooting in Kentucky reminds
| me, said a deputy United States mar
! shall, 'of an incident that occurred while
/ l was doing mountain work in that state.
And. by the way, I want to say that I
! think the man who shot Goebel was from
/ the mountains because the mountaineer5
! shoot from cover. while the bluegrass
! Kentuckian-that Is. the Kentuckian who
| IS the real thing-does his shooting face
| to face. But 70 the incident
| "One day met man in the road with
| his arm in a sling and a pistol belted
| around his waist l stopped to talk to
| him about the roads and the nearest way
| to reach a sawmill was looking for. and
at last got to talking of a small local
| feud that was prevailing at the time. I
! had some acquaintance with him. and no
| was rather more free to talk than II I
had been a stranger
Did you get that arm in it,? I asked.
nodding towards the slung member
He nodded, with a melancholy smile.
." fWhen?'
" Las week
" Who did it2'
" That chicken thief. Jim Guillion; and
he amt 10 gentleman. nuther.'
Why not? Didn't he shoot fair?
d" I reckon he shot fair enough He
wuz behint log over on the hillside
acrost the crick from my field, and / wuz
behint a fodder shock. But that amt whui
I've got agin him. 1 amt got nothin'
| but a squirrel rifle that won't carry
more'n 200 yards, an he's got a Winches-
ter thatlI carry half a mile. He done
his shootin' whar I couldn't tech him.
an a gentleman as IS gentleman
wouldn't take no mean advantage Ike
that"
No man. says a Glasgow papeF. has
less false mOdesty about HIS early career
than Gen. Hector Macdonald. Shortly
after Omdurman the Prince Of Wales ex-
pressed desire that the hero Of the day
should be presented to him, and the intro
duction shortly afterwards took place az
! the Marlborough club.
IT'S curious thing. Col. Macdonald
said hts royal highness. that We should
! never have met before"
| Pardon me. SIR" replied tbs Scot.
| may l say that we have?'
| ''Indeed-and whenT querfsd the
prince, who prided himself an never for
| getting a face.
| Gen. Macdonald half stood to attention
| and then astonished the group OF gener-
ais and equerries by remarking. with
! smile: Il was corporal of the guard thu
! day your royal highness landed in Bonn
! bay"
Lord Kitchener Of Khartoum Is a
| straightforward soldier. but ne does not
scorn the art Of turning a compliment
| gracefully.
! It has long been said Of him that ne IS
/ proof against feminine charms, and when
he waited upon her majesty at Windsor
| the queen was curious enough to put
! pointed question.
Us It true, my lord" she asked. that
you have never yet cared for wOmen2"
'Yes, your majesty" replied the sirdar,
''quite true-with one exception"
| 'tAh" said the queen, "and who is she2''
The strdar bowed. your majesty"
! said he.-LOndon Times.
| This story Is told about Senator Bev-
| eridge and Senator Jones, OF Arkansas:
A day or two after Senator Beveridge
| delivered his speech on the Philippines
he crossed the senate chamber to the
Democratic side and took a seat beside
| the Arkansan.
What did you think Of my speech2"
he asked. after he had said some fiat
tering things about Senator Jones' en-
viable record as a statesman OF hona
| service.
"welI, really. that IS a rather abrupt
! question said Jones.
81 would like your candid opinion. You
can be perfectly frank with me. 1 know
you viii be honest" said Beveridge.
well, II you will have my candid opin-
ion," said Senator Jones, II will tell you
that when your ideas catch up to your
vocabulary you will rank as a great ora
tor"
Mr.. Beveridge. according to the story
hastily returned to the Republican side Of
the chamber.