Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1900-04-04

Ile uLler udy my nay our, j aCk L ar
rott, kahn oaver to my hows in sum-
thing OF q hurri. 1 kood sea by hiz
ize and by the ennerjettik way he kept
| chawing away at hiz tObakker, tibet
sumthing unewshewel he'd happend.
He drug chare k loas upp to me, sot
| doun, gaiv me slap on the shoulder,
and sed: "Jlmminy, hev got a bran
new ideer.''
"Mirrakels will happen, ''sez I.
got it from reeding the weakly Ar
gus" kontinewed he.
I sot sylent fer kwite a SPELL Two
mirrakels in sukseshun wuz too mulch
fer me. wuz studying owt a plan
fer starting a dyme mewseum. A man
| tibet got an ideer fruln reeding the weak
~ Argus awt to proov drawing card.
l'eepel wud kom fer miles arownd to
sea it. At last 1 tetchd my mykro-
skoap and sed: "Trot owt yur ideer
aud let US talk a skwair look at it,
"Wall," SEE PARROT, II hev bin
reeding the Argus eddytoryels on eks-
panshun, and I hev kom to the kon-
klewsion tibet it wuz owr dooty to talk
the Philippians, kaws the peepel thare
ar too ignorant to maik the proper
ews of the land. Thay raiz ownly
what thay mead, and tibet amt mulch.
We kood shoa them how to wurk the
land the rite way and prodews a CRATE
deal of welth. In koors we wud be
entyteld to the inkrees. We wud Civ
them jest enuff to liv on. We kood
awlso teech them good menni new
wants and thus git them to wurk hard
er to git the meens fer satisfying
thoas wants 1t is kewt skeam and
wurth millyuns to the kappytallists
tibet will go oaver to sivillyze the
Hands. Now the uther day the Argus
sed tibet Willmar is goaing to Elk
spand. Tibet gaiY me'the ideer I am
tawking abOwt. I seq to myself,
"Jack ParrOtt, what is the matter with
vure expanding sum too?' Hear is
my skeam. My naybur Ole Olson hez
got a kwarter sekshun of nifty good
land, but he Amt ewsing it to the prop
per advantaig. He prodewces enuff
for hiz neads, butt thay ar too shawl.
He wares cheep cloze, and wares them
nifty long time. A SCOT of overawls
lasts him a yeer. He is too simpel in
hiz habits fer a sivyllyzd kommewn-
ity. If he livd rite he kood prodews
lot o. welth from tibet farm and spend
it fer the luckshewris tibet he noas
nuthiug abowt now. hev threa strap
ping big boys and I haint got wurk
fer awI of them on my farm. I must
eether git moar land or sum of them
must go owt to look fer new lands.
Now, in the intrests of sivvylyzashun
ez we'll ez in the intrests of my boys
am goaing to anneks Ole Olson's farm.
l kin Civ him wurk on it aud pay him
enuff fer his simpel neads, and maik
a good profit at the saim time. I kin
awlso git wurk fer my boys, and maik
a stack of monny. My skeam is pur-
fektly in line with McKinleys annex
sayshun plans, but thare il one hitch.
I want sum way by which 1 kin maik
Ole Olson by awl he neads frum me,
so kin git back what I pay him for
wurking. What want is sum kind
of Porto Reekan skeam, butt I don't
noa jest how to go abowt it. Kin yu
offur emmy plan?
"Parrott," SEE I, 81 kant Jest saw
tibet yure skeam agreaz with my Ulcers
of rite and rong, butt yu hev got Mark
Hammers anneksayshun skeam down
pat, and if yu wuz big korporayshun
I hev no dowt yu wud be allowd to 90
a he'd and anneks Ole Olson's farm.
Butt as yu are ownly an indlvidewelI
rekken yu he'd better go sloa. How
sumevver, yu mite rite to Mac or Mark
and ask if what is rite for a nayshun
to do Amt awlso the proper rool fer
an individewel to go by.
PARROT sed he wud. I am ankshus-
ly waiting to heer what Mac aud Mark
will say. If they desyde tibet nay
shuns and individewe]s shud be gov
urnd by the saim morrel law I hoap
sum reael noospayper man will anneks
the weakly Argus and maik a ienewin
nOOspayper Owt of it.
JIMMY CRICKETTS.