Graham guardian., 1900-10-05
PUZZLED THE CENSUS MAN.
IA Young WOman's Hopeless Struggle
TO FIJI out the schedule of
Questions.


family at home when the census man
came. He had called in the morning
without finding anyone, and had left
several large blanks to be filled out.
The Young woman was wrestling with
one of the blanks when the bell rang,
and she greeted the mild-mannered
census taker with effusion, says the
New York Sun.
you've come just in time to save my
tottering reason" she said, cordially.
"Hey?" said the census man, who
evidently wasn't used to being treated
with airy frivolity.
1--WE been trying to fill this thing
out truthfully, and it's so hard to be
scrupulously truthful. Now, about my
color. You see, I'm in a transition
stage between my winter color and my
summer color. My freclkles aren't very
bad yet; but guess brown and lemon
color would hit me off all right"
She looked very serious and sadly
puzzled, and the census man, whose
sense of humor wasn't his strong point,
hastened to explain.
"Oh, you don't need to do that. I'd
just call you white" he said.
mo, would you? That's good of
you," she murmured, gratefully; "but
there's something else that bothered
me. don't know the year of my
BIRTH"
The census man looked weary.
Gould you give guess at your age?"
he asked, apologetically
"oh, yes, I'm SO, but l can't sub
tract"
"You don't look it," said the man, po-
litely.
"Well, don't know, may look as if
l could subtract, but I'm sure 1 don't
look as if / could divide
"Have you got a profession, ma'am?"
''They say being charming is a wom-
ans profession. You might put that
down."
He shook his head with uncomph-
mentary decision.
Don't you do anything else?"
"Oh, l paint poor pictures between
times" she admitted.
Are you single, ma'am?"
do you suppose I'd make profess
sion of being charming if I weren't
single?"
He admitted the force of the logic.
Now about the lady of the house,
miss?"
"Shes out"
"Yes, but you can tell me all have
to know"
"She's awfully white; but j don't
know how old she is"
Cant you guess?"
"Oh, yes, can guess. Thirty-five's
good, respectable, uncompromising
sort of an age. Call her 35."
where was she born?"
81 don't know. She's lived in WASH
ington and Denver and Boston and CO.
lumbus, o., and Jersey City, You can
take your choice"
You don't know in which of them
she was born?"
mo. / know where she'd rather
have been born than anywhere else?"
The census man cheered up.
"Where?"
Virginia. She just pointedly does
adore Virginia"
"All right. I'll put her down in Yir-
ginia."
"Thatll be a real comfort to her."
said the boarder.
What's your servants name2"
Her first names Norah."
Don't you know the last?"
NO; and she's gone out. What do
you think her name ought to be after
Norah? Murphy would be all right,
wouldn't it?"
why, yes; guess I'll put if Muir
ply. don't want to come back again,
you see. amt making much out of
my district. The families are so SMALL"
He looked distinctly abused; and the
boarder promptly apologized.
I'm awfully sorry there ain1 more
of us" she said, humbly.
"Oh, it can't be helped" he sighed.
Now, my cousin, he's over in. the ten
ement district, 40 and so FOLKS in one
house; and, if they amt in .yo II can put
them in. Folks will believe anuthinS
about a tenement house. | told nv
cousin | wasn't doin' very well. thai
there was only private houses and FUR
nished room places in my district, and
he says: Why, furnished rooms is a
cinch. You couldn't do letter excerst
in tenements. Mix up German and
Irish Names he says, 'ap d scatter
them around in those furnished rooms.
and nobody can jump onyou.' But they.
cid get jumped on once, for that sort of
business, and guess I'll just get what
can on the square, TIL ere's so many |
maiden ladies ard wild ows running |
these boarding houses and room places, |
though, and they're SD touchy about |
heir ages I wish I'D had a tenement |
ldstrict."
VI wish you had" said the boartler. |
with deep sympathy.
You've been real pheasant and help |
.ul' There amt many that's as help
'ul as you"
In such good cause, I couldn't con-
'cientiously be anything else" said the !
ooarder, loftily. ITS u privilege to as
'ist the government IN amassing all |
his valuable information"
ies m, said the GENIUS man, as he !
'iosed the door behind him.
Taking the Census.
UI the census t0ker," said the !
'arfy at the front door, "al1d l want