The Norfolk weekly news. (Norfolk, Neb.) 1888-1900, 1900-03-08
MR.. EPIZOOT WILKINS.
Tie Deeply Regrets to Announce That
"the Dimicrntic Movement tn Ala
Agsinaidoo Hes Totally CoIlapst
aud Bu-tid Beyond Repare."

Tu the Edtur:
deeply regret tn announcc-ez Gen.
eral Butler commences hlz dispatches
frum South Africa-thet our Fillipeeno
campnnc, wch wuz organized ez
DlmIcratic movement tn aid Aguinal.
doc. hcz totally collapst. 1t IL bustid
beyond reparc, and not even our few
Republican allies In Massachusetts
and the Yoonited Stalts senate kin put
life and activity intu 1t agin. 1t hcz
caused mutch bitter feeln around these
Dlmlcratic headquarters, and we air
now tryin tn find out hoo 1t wuz thet
hez bunkocd us and made us appcer 80
rIdiculus bcfoar the kountry.
We started in tn help the Fillipee-
nozc, but we made an orful mistake in
sizln up Aguinaldoo. l did, misclf, wen
1 opened correspondence with him and
onloadcd our hopes and fccrs in sum
confidcnshal letters wich hez alrcddy
bin publisht. Frum whut the Rcpub-
llkin insurgents he'd scd, l wuz led tn
believe thet Mr.. Agulnaldoo, hoo wuz
80 nlmbly dodgin the representatives
Nv this government among the mud and
insecks Nv hiz native land, wuz n CRATE
man hoo wood eventooally establish
Fourth Nv Jooly and pan out a bigger
man than Old Washington wen he rip.
| ped things up the back in this kountry
| fer the lnstrucshun Nv Englishmen
| Actin upon this theory the Dlmlcratic
| party concloodcd tn boost him up high
er than cnnybuddy he'd befoar, and
we soon he'd our stump speakers and
noOzcpapers filed with hlz praises.
Our members NV kongress talked about
him, and few ministers prayed fer
him Mt the hen convcnshuns, and the
old maids hoped he woodn't fergit EN-
wen he needed sum mOar wives. Door
in the hite NV our campane in his be-
han II sum observin furriner he'd cum
here he wood hev thOrt thet Aguinal-
doc wuz the whole sho frum the way
our good and reliable Dimlcrats hev
grately admired him because he WIZ
tirein off such lofty sentiments about
the Goddess Nv Liberty and uther VIM
min, and sum Nv the old standbys air
in faver NV putin him on the ticket
with Androo Jackson next fall.
Hevin set the idee afioat thet he
wuz n man several sizes larger then
ennybuddy we Good prodooce amung
treemly mortifyin tn find thet he amt
mutch above the ordinary Dimicrat.
He hez crooelly deceived us bi not
lickin the Amerikln army, ez he sed he
wood, and he hez thereby forfeited the
respeck Nv hiz Dimicratic slmpathizers
in this kountry. If he had drove Ad-
miral Dewey away frum Manila, or
gobbled up the land forces, or even
hauled General Otis away frum his
desk, we Good hev overlooked sum Nv
hiz uther failins; but tn be driven
frum one place tn anuther and hev hi2
line NV communicashun with these
, headquarters cut, and hev his wife's
clothes scaptured-andpe perhaps washed
stamps him ez an inferiur general hooze
craftsmanship amt up tn whut We
thort 1t wuz. We hev bin Embossed
at every turn. All the soljers and thei
relatlvs were agin us, and we wuz pu
. in the onpatriotic attitood Nv givln ait
and cumfert tn the armed enemies u,
the kountry. We didn't exactly meeI
4 tn du thet, but the onscroopoolus Re
( publikin noozepapers sed we did ant
a the people seemed tn vote ez If tha be
q leeved EN-. | wuz moar than surprizet
a tn git letter, last week, frum Ok
. Deekin Burlap hoo lives In Moo Ger
sey only few miles frum mi owl
= farm at Applejack. He IL n horn.
Q fisted farmer and never voted emmy
thing but the Dimicratic ticket, ant
never knowed thare wuz emmy uthe
a ontil last November, wen, tn the SUI
prize Nv everybuddy. he went tn tn
poles and voted the strate Republiki
ticket. l rote tu him tn kno whut
II ment, and after flndin sumbuddy t
n read mi letter he he'd 1t ansered, an
rt sined hiz cross mark and sent 1t tn m,
It He sed hiZ sons wuz In the Fillipeen
d fitein fer their kountry, wen tina warn
d brushin ava flies and muskeeters, an
- he hoped these few lines wood find III
the same. He sed he he'd alwaZe vote
the Dimicratic ticket ez often ez til
elecshun officers wood let him, took h
applejack strate, and hoped tn hev ii
I'd oppertoonity Nv votin fer Androo Jacl
10 son Jest once moar befoar he kicke
j, the bucket, ontil he heerd thet the Din
- icratic party wuz sidein In with Il
% Fillipeenoze, who wuz waitin fer
10 chance tn plunk hiz boys. Thet,
ry sed, wuz the last camel thet broke h
he back, and he'd be gosh hanged If
he woodn't vote the Republican ticket
as prevent EN- frum doin 1t. Then
went on, in the letter wich sumbudt
he'd writ fer him, tn abuse me, and
sa thet ort tu be tarred and fether'
tn and sot tn hatchin out chickens b
us caus i he'd turned in with the enemi
Il Nv mi kountry.
Now wen a man like the deekin IL
!, flooenced tn pursoo sich course
'h thet, rite In the stait Nv Moo Gerse
W under the best and purest Nv Dimicr;
10 ic surroundins, wbut may we not G
OF pect in places WHARF people live und
of Republican infiooences and WHARF I
IL