The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1900-08-18
A MAN OF SCHEMES.

MAN OF SCHEMES.
The grand promoter expected it.
For the past week he had observed
many signs that his landlady had lost
confidence in him and was working
up her nerve to present him bill.
His cheerfulness at the dinner table
almost bordered on hilarity, and as lie
left the table he executed a flank
movement by saying:
my dear woman, if it is not ask
ing too much, I wish you would hand
me my account this evening. don't
want to occupy your valuable time
nor put you to any extra trouble,
but it seems to me that we ought to
have settlement without further de-
lay"
He hadn't been in his room two
minutes when the landlady followed.
She had the bill in her hand and the
light of anticipation in her eyes.
"Ah !" said the major as he took
the bill from her hand. Nothing
like promptness in business affairs.
Let me see. The bill itself is made
out in proper form. The chirography
is fair. Room and board for ten
weeks at 81 per week makes exactly
$40, and there is no mistake there.
My dear woman, permit me to con-
graduate you. Had you needed this
money before you would have asked
for it. Not having any need of it
and having perfect confidence in my
financial integrity, you have held the
bill till this date. Exactly ten weeks
and $7o."
eyes, sir, &c.," replied the land
lady as she moved about uneasily.
while it is only trifle," contin-
ued the major as he looked the bill
over again, cit should be paid and
the books balanced-that is, if there
is anything coming to you it should
be paid at once; if there is anything
coming to me I'll give you 80 or 60
days to square up"
"But how can there be anything
coming to your" protested the land
ured. My dear woman, my treasure
of landlady, let me say at the very
outset that l am perfectly satisfied
with your table, and as for my room
kings have had far worse. If you
will kindly go over the past in your
memory you will admit that 1 have
not made one SINCE kick; satisfied,
my dear woman, am perfectly salts
fed"
"Then the bill is all right" 7"
Perfectly all right-couldn't be
better. Let me see. When 1 organ
lied the Universal Hand Organ trust
1 let you in on the ground floor for
$50, 1000 worth of stock, 1 believe.
That stock ought to have given you
dividends of at least S., 900 year."
"But it didn't, major. The whole
thing busted up, you know"
"Ah, I remember. 1t was not a
bust up, but the Hand Organ trust
was consolidated with the Great
American Antiblizzard syndicate. I
haven't the books here, but if my
memory serves me right presented
you with 500, 900 worth of stock. If
your annual income from that stock
has reached the sum of $40, ooo-if
you have been enabled to purchase
more
"But l never saw any stock" pro-
tested the landlady. "You said some
thing about it one day, but a week
later you claimed that you had drop
ped the scheme for a better thing.
You owe for ten weeks"
"Let me see" unused the major
"let me see. Did I drop the Hand
Organ and Antiblizzard trust for
surer thing? All, it comes back to
me Yes; we let go of it to take up
and push to success the international
Nursing Bottle monopoly. Object
was to control the manufacture and
sale of all the nursing bottles in the
world. Any mother who refuses to
buy one of Our bottles had to feed
her infant from a trough. Each and
every one of our bottles was provided
with a squirt gun, and when the in
fant wasn't filling up on milk he was
squirting at flies and developing his
Workmanship That monopoly was
capitalized at $50, 900, 900, l believe.
You were let in on the ground floor.
As my landlady l took you in first of
all. My dear woman, if your divi-
dends on that stock"
'But haven't had any. That
was another of your schemes that
busted"
The major looked at her for a mo-
ment in doubt and perplexity, but
then his face cleared, and, reaching
for her hand, he shook it heartily and
exclaimed:
My dear woman, what business
head you have on your shoulders
what head 1t is no wonder that
your landlord never has to come
twice for his rent and that the fame
of your table has spread abroad thro'
the land. Let me assure you that I
am not only satisfied with everything
up to date, but mean to continue on
with you indefnitely-for years and
years"
''But you must pay. 1 CAN'T run
my house unless my boardefs pay"
while perfectly assured that the
International Nursing Bottle monop-
oily would pay 20 per cent. divi-
dends," said the major as he walked
about, 'we decided to drop it for a
better thing. You must know the
difference between 20 and 40 per cent.
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