Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1900-10-12
BOMBAS1'IAN THREAT.
EDSATRAPANDAW
THY PIONEER HAVE TILT.

DUMDASIlAN THREAT.
TASSELATEDS SATRAP DAWOR-
THY PIONEER HAVE TILT.
The Auditor of Small County Had No Fear Of
the Military Nibs Of the Territory-his Re-.
ply a Wonderfully Expressive Piece of Invsc.
tive-lt is Given as an Indication of the Free
West Spirit which has Always Prevailed on
Puget Sound.
The following is believed to be the
most famous correspondence the State
! OF Washington has produced to date
OLYMPIA, January s, 1892.
J. w. DAY,
AUDITOR MASON COUNTY:
Dear Sir--I have not yet received
from you list OF persons liable to
military duty for 1891. Forward
same at once or proceedings will be in
stituted against you.
r. G. O'BRIEN, Adjutant-Ge
Here is the reply:
SHELTON, WASH, Jan. 13, 1892.
Hon. r. G. OBrien, Adiutant General
and Mayor of the City Of Olympia,
ETC., etc.
My Bellipotent Friend:
Enclosed you will please find ii. e.
if you will devote, for a moment, yonr
wonderful perceptive faculties to the
task) a certified list of persons, resi-
dents of Mason county, liable to do
military duty. l submit the same in
awe and dread, hoping the receipt of
the same will calm your perturbed
and bellicose spirit. and soothe your
sanguinary soul like the emotional
and ardent anthem or a crate of
Guinea hens stored under ones win
dow, or the tender and lulling melody
of a brace of Jackasses.
The receipt of your Autocratic Die
tates at this Office caused the widest
commotion, there was mounting in
not haste" and couriers sent in all d.
rections to call in the various heads of
the municipality to counsel as to the
proper method of entertaining your
dread and awful mandates.
Some recommended that a great
potlatch of hundred maidens be ten
dered as peace offering, and to ap-
pease any displeasure that might ex-
ist in your martial bosom, but many
of the wiser and more diplomatic of
the counsel, who we're more familiar
with such Hydra-titled tinsel capari-
soned denizens of civilization, advised
that you be presented with chew of
"Pace's BEST" and if rejected, which
was by no means probable in their es-
timation, that you be endowed with
pretty medal embellished with all the
science of the engraver's art, and bear.
ing the following motto, to-wit:
"There are no flies on u.s." which last
resolution being put to vote, was car
ried by big majority in all precincts
where the Australian system is used.
Now, my callow soldier, would it
not have been cheaper to have given
your orders, or commands if you will
have it so, without appending threat?
Hereafter you will please remember
the military list of Mason county em.
braces all the inhabitants thereof, we
are all fighters from away back, "wild
and woolly and never curried below
the knees"
l take the liberty to inform you
that the military list of Mason county
was fled in this Office January IL,
1892, and twenty days have not elapsed
since said filing.
1 beg to inform you further that if
you kept a we'll regulated Office you
would have blank lists properly pre-
pared to send to each county, not only
to facilitate the work, but to keep
your own Office and records in ap-
proved style, and not have it trumped
up with masses OF legal cap ruled with
pencil.
There are many things for you to
learn, however, but life is too short,
therefore erudition is beyond your
reach. Better to hold fond dalliance
in a soap factory, or engage in the
high and laudable occupation of deco
rating fences with q solution of lime
and water.
With all due solicitude, I remain
humbly yours, J.W. DAY,
Auditor OF Mason County.