The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1900-08-06
THE AMATEUR REFoRMER.
He Makes Remarks to the Man on
the End Seat.
From the Chicago Tribune.)

From the Chicago Tribune.)
Good morning. Captain"
This remark was addressed to a stocky
individual with a chin beard. by long.
slender man who was compelled to crowd
past him with much exertion in order to
get a seat In an open street car.
Guess you're mistaken"
Aren't you Captain Streeter?" asked
the other pleasantly.
mo, l arn't Captain Streeter, if it's
any of your business
mo, | see you are not. l beg your
pardon Captain Streeter may not be
overly clean. Captain Streeter may look
like dockwalloper trying to put on style,
but he doesn't dye his whiskers."
"So?"
NO. He wears them in their native
terra Gotta hue"
20, he doesl'
Il think that's what 1 said
DO you know l don't care a darn how
Captain Streeter wears his whiskers?"
20. don't your"
That's what l said 1 don't care a con-
tinental for Captain Streeter or you either =
That's unfortunate because he could
teach you lesson in appearance, and
might instruct you somewhat in deport-
ment.''
Il reckon not
We'll. it is rather hard, acknowledge,
to teach an end-seat hog anything You
can't make a
"Say, how would it suit you to
Hold on There's an explanation due
you called you Captain Streeter because
you had squatted on a choice location,
and
Il don't want any of your explanations
.oh, yes. you do. 1t goes with the seat.
If you had been a little girl, or an old
man, or an imbecile, would not have said
a word; but when 200-pound customer
with a blue-black tuft on his chin makes
me climb over him before l can sit down
in public conveyance, and talks back at
me disrespectfully when l venture a mild
remonstrance. I'm going to tell him my
impression of him. if the English language
holds together long enough.
What right have you got to my seat,
you spider-legged-
I've waived my right 10 it. haven't L?
I had the same right to it when | was get
ting in that you would have il l had been
sitting there. 1t isn't so much a matter of
abstract right as ii is of common deceneys
YOU fat-headed monopolist. There are some
things that mark the decent citizen and
some that indicate the hog. A man may
have the right to make a hog of himself,
but 1t is wro-.r for him to 10 it. Have you
brains enough to see the distinction? AS
congenial occupation would rather defend
CAPTAIN Streeter in court of justice than
would an endseat hog. l would
rather"
I've seen men get their doses smashed
all over their fees when they
Quite likely. But don't wax belliger-
ent, my frien.;. This is not good year
for heroes have seen men kicked from
Calhoun Place to Washington Street for
making offensive Doors of themselves.
Some men are merely swinish. Others
have besides, touch of the cur in their
composition. Still others are compounds
of the swine and the bull terrier. They
are greedy, and they don't know any bet
ter than to hang on. | am inclined to
think an end-seat hog is a combination
Of"
That's right! Give it to him," ex-
claimed an excited passenger two seats
from the end. II had to Chamber over him,
too"
so did IT, said another passenger.
Whats the row here?" asked the con-
ductor.
There isn't any row." replied the
elongated man. I'VE are merely taking
the porclne census Of this car. We have
enumerated and classified one hog-to wit:
end-seat hog, located
With an angry snort the stocky passen-
ger with the blue-blaek chin beard quail
ing under the battery of eyes brought TO
bear upon him. swung OFF the car as 1t
slowed up at a crossing. and as It spsd
onward again his voice was heard rising in
reckless, profane and obligatory decama-
tior.