Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-06-26
not called 'pugilists' because they are
really anxious to fight. "-Washlngton

lcldllNeS dSSoHlUlGu dl Tue HOuSc " GN
the arrival of the hearse from the rail-
road. But the train was late. The
mOurners grew nervous. The undertak-
er, an unconscious, bowed old man, kept
crcaking through the sitting room and
the parlOr out to the front door and
locked down the street with anxious
gaze.
At last, in the silence there was a GRIND
of wheels On the gravel without. But
by this time the funeral party had re-
tired to the dining room to partake OF
some refreshments. They were seated
undertaken appeared at the door Of the
room. With the palm Of his right hand
rubbing the knuckle Of the left, he adj
dressed them:
''Friends.''
The knives and forks We're laid down.
They Looked up. The funeral Mrs Part
ington" continued: Friends. the remain
der OF our dear, deceased friend Abram
has arrived. Are we ready for the OBJ
siCk.es?"
Cen Sultu Sabo Utyo Urey Es.-Hiram
struggled manful3y with il for several
III nuleS, and gave 1t up.
1T isn'l good Latin he sad. There
are some words in it that are Latin, but
the Others are either wrong III termina-
ton o. are barbarisms from o,her Ian
GUages, and taken as a whole, it doesn t
make sense"
That is what / said rejoined his sis
translates it without any trouble. She
says it means, Consult US about your
eyes,
Whereupcn Hiram collapsed Youths
Companion.
Deacon Ironjaws (severely)-"My
friend do you keep the Sabbath
Druggist (from force of habit)-"Weil
-er-h m-no; but | have something just
as good. Puck.
One of the richest men living, whose
immense wealth makes HIM a target for
poor people, says London TjtBits. has
recently teen III Paris, and the way III
which he repealed a certain applicant for
help is re.ated like this:
On the opposite side of the hotel table
sat woman who had once been rich.
Monsieur, you Englishmen are so chiv-
alrous-so ready TO ASSIST those III DIS
trcSs."
Yes" said the man of wealth. hest.
tating. He had heard that before, and
thought he knew what was coming next
Would you, with your usual generosi-
n ne, " "' anu
Yes. madam-that is, it depends some
what
Think well, monsieur. before you
promise, for it is a great kindness
1t was the same old plea that he had
heard many times before from peop.e
who wanted a loan
Il am afraid, madam, that | shall have
to-but what is II you wish!
Only that you will be kind enough,
monsieur, to pass me the mustard. You
have everything on your side of the ia
bic"
Tommy was presented lately by his
older sister with neat penwiper for use
at school, which he had just begun at
tending. He admired it. but remarked,
Il shan't have much use for it, jennie.
Why not not, Tommy; Y .!Y use a pen
that" Why don't you use penwiper
then?" she replied Because | always
wipe my pen down the side Of the next
boys hair"
Sir Robert Finlay, the new English
attorney general, was once engaged on
case for breach of warranty of d horse
the age of the animal being the chief
matter in dispute, and had to cross-exam-
iDe a hostler. yokel with every appear
ance of rustic simplicity. Upon what
authority do you swear to the age of the
mare:" he asked. I'm sure of it." was
the reply. Half dozen more questions
failed to elicit from the witness any more
specific answer But how do Won
know" Numbered Sir Robert at last Il
had it from the mares own mouth re-
piled the hostler.
The following birth notice recently ap-
peared in the columns of Kansas paper:
Born. to the wife of Jim Jones. a boy
The boy favOrs his old dad in several
ways, viz: He is bald, has a red nose.
takes to bottle like a humble bee to n
lump Of sugar and makes a lot of noise
about nothing. Selah!'
There is a farmer named Rogers in the
North who possesses Jersey COW, which
he used to drive, morning and evening. to
and from the pasture. not far from his
home, says the Cleveland PLAIN Dealer
One morning, as one of his neighbors
was passing along the road. he met Mr.
Rogers walking in the middle of the lane
his mind apparently engrossed with some
weiGhty question. The neighbor called
out:
Good morning, Mr.. Rogers; where are
you going?'
Why" said Mr.. Rogers. in a surprised
way. I'm driving the cow to the pas
ture." And he waved his hand toward
where the cow ought to have been
We'll, where is the cow" asked his
friend
suppose lOrSOt TO let her out Of
the barn." answered Mr.. Rogers. hum
bly,, as he realized his position And he
had.
The Nassar girls had a great celebra-
ton the other evening on the close of
the examination, and the ''senior how'll
was heard in all its thrilling weirdness
The words Of this wonderful ululation
are as follows:
Howl, howl, Senior, howl,
Howl your loudest-
That's all right
1900 bowls tonight.
That seems howlish enough, but aft
er ell, 1T is only screech- howl.
-:O:-
People who have the mistaken IDEA thai
poets prefer to be addressed in what is
commonly called high flown language
sometimes say strange things.
One such misguided individual spoke to
Col John Hay in hotel parlor, soon at
ter the great fire in Chicago.
We'll, Col. Hay" she said advancing
with outstretched hand and her sweetest
smile, Il suppose we shall soon have
the pleasure of seeing the great fire en-
balmed in your liquid verse, shall we