Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-11-11

well, sir" said Mr. Dooley, now
that tn campaigns over an they'se
less calls on me to administher slugs
~ drinks an pollytical economy to
me frinds an counthrymen. I'm goin'
to raysume me readin I've laid in a
stock iv historical romances an feel
as though l was Twin back two hun
dred years with a soord in me hand, a
Div tncks in me pants an me face
fun ~ onfamilyar worruds. Bod
cooks, l do, Hinnissy."
whats a historical novel;" Mr..
Hennessy asked.
Marry come off, said Mr.. Dooley.
Don't We know? Todsloanes, if 1 had
me cleaver on tn bar / wud smack
thee FIR a ham-headed f1uke. Idzims,
/ wud. odswounds, egad, tn wench
speeks tn truth
Mr. Hennessy moved cautiously away
and measured the distance to the door,
but Mr.. Dooley's fit was over. He
smiled proudly and resumed his ordi-
nary speech. ''Th historical romance
is a story. Hinnissy, about something
that didn't happen befure We was
BORN. few years ago, Hogan that
does most iv me r-readin, was hurtin
his eyes over what he called reelism.
That's where a modest SEWN ma
chine marries a rayspestable grocery
store. an they talk FIR tn rest iv tn
book about who shall wind tn clock.
Hogan says they was a revulsion
against this sort iv thing. It came
with prosperity. Durin' har-rd times
peoples r-read about Dinnis comm
home at night an THROWN a plate iv
warrumed-over mutton at tn wife,
an they'd excla:m: 'Gr-reat hivins,
how thrue to naturer But whin peo-
pie begun to get dividends firm tn
busted banks, an pay day become less
jerky an irreg lar, they had to have
a taste " rale rayfined life an tn his
torical novel comes in. IT'S me opin-
yion, Hinnissy, an l give it FIR what
It's worth an no more. that railroads
an tillygrafts has kilt amy kind iv
modhern romance. In tn OF days whin
people had to go out in dhrays an if
man whit as far as TIL eighth ward
he carried a thrunk, took out an acct
dint policy an was pursooed to tn
stage be his weepin' wife and children,
twas aisy enough to get up excite
meat in a story. Romance was like
tn Icilk sickness-always in tn next
coun~J All a man had to do whin he
wanted to pull off dool was to To-
cate off in Hammond, Iniianny, an
Ia believe it. If he wrote it about
Ar-rchey Rood, I'd tillyphone to tn
madhouse. 7 always want to believe
sthrange things an tn on'y thing that
prevints is they don't seem probable.
Nowadays the people know as much
about IIoochoo, tn capital iv Blew
choochoo, as l know about TIL gas
house district, an that's all there is
to he knowed. So If man locates
romance in Rooshya. tn first la-ad
that breads it'll say: Rats, they
cuddent be amy elopemint in Rooshya
because whin | was there last month
sellin SEWN machines, clippers were
fined eighteen thousand kopecks.' Or,
'Rivolution in Afghanoostan Don't
tel me that. If there was me cousin
Cholly, that's our agent at Bimbing,
wudve let me know. We see, Hin
Missy, romance is what happens to
people We don't know an can't guess.
So tn games over now. TIL polls have
kilt it,
But people have got to have thin,
so tn romancers pushes tn story back
few hundred years. 1 niver cud
think " George Wash'nton without
knee breeches, coat with tails onto
1t an his hair done up with rat in
front an braid behind. Don't We tell
me he liver wore a night shirt an hung
his wig on TIL back iv chair. I know
he whit to bed in thin clothes, with
tn construction iv tn United States
an his hand an a soord at his side.
Poor Mrs Wash'nton.
Well, anyhow, with tn time far
enough tn rest Is aisy. TIL hero ought
to be firm Virginia Maryland it