davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
His Touching Appeal,

Cant l teach you to love me, Miss
Gcnevieve" pleadingly asked the
young man.
81 fear not. Mr.. spoonamore," she
answered.
"Thcn won't you please teach me
how to teach you to love me?' he i'll
sisted eagerly.
This appealed to the essentially mas
culinc or pedagogic element more or
less latent in every woman, and she
promised to take it under considera-
tion.-Chicago Tribune.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
THE FUN IN BADNESS,
1T IS POOR COMPENSATION FOR a
CAREER OF CRIME.
The Famous lecturer, q. Hope Jones,
Cites Some Noted Cases In History
to Prove His Contention That Cuss.
edness Doesn't Pay.
Icopyright. 1900, by G. B. Lewis. !

[Copyright, 1900, by G. B. Lewis.l
Fellow Citizens of Oshkosh-Permit
me to say that am proud and grateful
for this large attendance this evening.
Although the admission is free and
everybody came expecting chrome
as n free gift, l am grateful all the
same. Before beginning my lectures it
is usual for me to take up collection,
and will now proceed with the task.
This collection is not necessarily an
evidence of your good faith in any,
thing particular, but is intended to
pay my back rent and laundry bills
and assist me to reach Beaver Dam.
1t doesn't matter to the undersigned
whether you give cheerfully or grudg-
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16

Metals get tired as we'll as living be-
ings. Telegraph wires are better con-
ductors on Monday than on Saturday
on account Of their Sunday rest, and q
rest Of three weeks adds 10 per cent to
the conductivity of wire.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
Handwriting.

In the days of knighthood every man
carried sword and was ready to slash
his neighbor upon the slightest pretext.
When friends met, they grasped ono
another by the right hand, thereby in
dicating peaceable intentions, as each
one thus gave up to the other his fight
ing arm. That is why we shake with
the right hand.-Ladies' Home Jour
nal
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
SOME STRONG PINTS.
BOTH SIDES WE'RE ELOQUENT ON
THE NEW SCHOOL QUESTION.

How t:lc Cause of Higher Elucn-
tiOn Was Knocked Out In the De.
bntc Mt the Jericho POstolicc.
Copyright 1900, by c. B. Lcwis.l
Lish Billings, Abner Jones and
Moses Plumber hev bin holdin Jericho
back fur the last two years from hcvin
a new schoolhousc. The matter has
come up almost every evenin at the
postottice and bin hotly argued, but
they couldn't be budged. The other
night mighty smart lookin stranger
was stoppin in town. and it was ar
ranged that he drop in on the crowd
and take the schoolhouse side and put
the three INSTRUCTORS on their backs.
The stranger was on hand at the hour
named, and when the proper mint ar
rived Squar Joslyn speaks up aud
says:
stranger, ii you was resident OF
this town, would you be fur school
houses or ag'in 'cmY"
"I'd be fur 'em, of course" replies
the man. "rd vote fur the cause Of
education IL had to live on one meal
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
A Mnrtyr

THAT'S the way" cried the forger as
sentence cf ten years was imposed.
"all of us great writer's are compelled
to suffer for giving full freedom to our
art!'-philadclphia North American.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
Knew the House.

Citizen-Off'sher, can you (hic) tell
me where l Chic) live? I'm (hic) Sen
ator Bigboddy, you know.
Ofiicer-What's yer cooks name?
Citizen-AIary Ann (hic) O'Brady.
Oficer-Four blocks down and two
doors to yer right.-Judge.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
Charges.

"Your lawyer made some pretty Sc
we're charges against the other fellow,
didn't ho?"
"Y-e-c-s. but you ought to see how he
charged me!''-Grecn Bag.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
Mutunl Sympathy.

Collector-I'm sorry, Mr.. Slowpay,
but your tailor has put his account
against you into my hands for collec-
ton.
Mr.. slowpay-Hc has, eli? Do you
work on commission basis?
Collector-Ycs. sir.
Mr.. Slowpay-Thcn I'm sorry for
you.-Chicago News.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
Democratic Congressional
Convention.
Half Rates to Chicago,

Via the north Western Line. Ex-
cursion tickets will be sold at one
fare for the round trip, on account
of National GAR Encampment
to be held at Chicago. August o.
Septemberl. For dates of sale,
limits of tickets etc, apply to
agenta Chicago & North Western
R,y:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16

Want Of care does us more damage
than want Of knowledge.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16
Very Low Rates to Denver
Colo.

Via the Northwestern line. Ex.
cursion tickets will be sold August
l8 and l9, limited to September.
20, on account of Farmers Nation
al Congress. Apply to agents
Chicago &North-W Western y /.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16

The "Old Ireland" cigar is just as
good as its name. Sold in Missouri
Valley exclusively by j Jensen & Son,
wholesalers. All dealers handleit.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1900-08-16

Northwestern trains 80 and "a, r trains %
and "a and 8 O 4 p traids IS and So do not run
Sundays.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10

For rent Furnished rooms, with or
without fire. Call at 403 e. Harrison
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10
old People Made Young.

j. G. Sherman, the veteran editor Of
the Vermontville. Mich. Echo. has
discovered the remarkable secret Of
OF keeping Old people young For
years he hes avoided nervouLn ss
sleeplessness, indigestion. heart trou-
Bile, constipation and rheumatism by
using Electric Bitters, and ne writes.
1T can't be praised too highly. II
gently stimulates the kidneys. tones
the st mach, aids digestion and give
a splendid appetite. II has worked
wonders for my wife and me us n
marvellous iemedv for nd paople's
comp aints." Only soc at c. r Rem
fro'u drug store
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10
ERTScOLINE

Take the most popuiar route 20 st
Louis and ali points east, Kansas City
and ali points north aud west
Santa Fe trains make close conuec~
tiOns az Oklahoma City and Wichita
FOR all points on the Frisco line.
st Louis and Kansas City mail and
express leaves Oklahoma City at 9:i5
every morning; leaves ST. Louis at $40
every evening and arrives at Oklahoma
City at 5:2O the following evening.
Through reclining chair cars with
out change. Pullman palace sleepers
from Monet to ST. Louis and Kansas
City. You can secure berths before
leaving Oklahoma.
Further information will be cheer
fully given by tie nearest agent or
+. DUNN.
Dist, Pass. Agt Wichita Kans
RvRoE SNYDER, G. p. a.,
st. Louis Mo.
For rent 20 Furnished rooms, with or
without fire. Call at 403 e. Harrison,
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10

Only Direct Route % Pacinl, Coast
Meals Serv ID IA Carte steam Heat Plntsch Light
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10

Ny wife's good advice saved nv life,
writes +. ~ Ross, of Winfield. Tenn
for / had such bad cough I could
hardly breathe. ! steadily grew worse
under the doctors treatment, but my
wife urged me TO use DR.. KinRa New
Discovery for consumption, which com
pletely cured me-" Coughs, colds,
bronchitis, Ia grippe. pueunonia, asth- >
ma, hay fever and an maladies OF the
chest, throat and lungB are positively
cured BY this marvellous medicine SOC
and o.. Every bottle guaranteed
Trial bottles free % Renfro's drug
store.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10
Common Sense.

ispossessed by most people who think for
themselves, The average man knows that
II his blood is impure he feels sick all over
He has headache. nausea, bad taste in the
mouth, is costive and can put no energy in
tohis work The kidneys are designed TO
purify the blood but if diseased and tired
out the. cannot do it. Extra work is thrown
on the iter and lungs ann they too become
diseased under the additional burden until
the whole body is completely poisoned
What is to be done? Common sense says
put the kidneys the blood purifying organs
IN good health and do 1t at once with War
ners Safe cure before the kidneys break
down and disutegrate from Bright's dis
ease Warmers Safe Cure a purely yege.
table preparation has cured thousands Of
men and women during the past twenty
years who we're in danger of death 1t does
exactly a represented and l1oes it quickly
Ooe bottle will aid, few bottles will cure
1t is not a cheap decoction but scientific
preparation carefully compounded Do not
longer trihe with yonr health but give this
great remedy an opportunity to cure you.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10
REGARDING SEIZURE OF GERMAN
sHrs BY GREAT RRITAIN.

London Jan l0-The Daily Graphic
makes the following statement regarding
The seizure Of German vessels by British
warshlps:
Germany has addressed two notes 20
the British foreign office challenging
Great Brihin's right 20 detain any ships
truyeling between two neutral por s. The
notes have been duly answered.
The queens government find themselves
wholly unable 10 acquiesce in Germany's
contention Germany cited a case IN sup
port OF her contention, brt on examina-
ton this so-oaJled precedent proved 20 he
qlits inappicabe 70 the seizures under
discussion
The correspondence berween the two
governments res,s ahere, pending a decis-
ION BY the prise court,
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10
London Off 'e Suppressing War
News.

NNnNs
London, Jan. 1880 a. m.,--Dhe
war office has not contributed the
least particle as TO what is taking place
in Natal since Sunday. Neither has it
allowed the dispatches OF correspon-
dents TO get through Consequently.
the facts OF the situation are replaced
by conjectures and the impatlence OF
the public pours itself into discussion
OF the conduct Of the war and OF what
might have been done or ought TO be
done.
! The Morning Post demands that the
forces aheld, anoat and In preparati. n
should be increased by $1,000 men.
The Daily News edttorially defines
the public opinion OF the continent as
"in a state which should not be lgnor-
ed"
The Daily Mail says it understands
that the suppression Of another gener-
al commanding in South Africa Will
shortly be announced This may have
relation 60 General Buffers hasty SUM
mons from Davenport.
The critics ring up and down The en-
tire field of Yar transactions, finding
I fault with the lack of transports cor
/ the troops who are ready % depart and
with the concealment OF news. averrlng
/ that the censorship in South Africa
embraces the mails that the reports
/ OF correspondents are beng mutilated
and entire letters suppressed.
/ The admiralty in seeking transports
/ IS reported 10 have chartered the
American liner, st. Paul which was in
spected previous TO chartering. and
three Liverpool steamers.
/ The Standard, Times and st. James
Gazette join in the almost unanimous
metropolitan and provInc al dlsGpprov-
al OF the government explanations.
A war compilation OF casualties,
shows to'al OF 7,2'9,--1 2O7 killed, g.
675 wounded and 2,5l1 musslng
/ These do not include l4O who have
succumbed 10 disease nor the casualties
at Ladysmith last Saturday.
/ LADYSMITH STILL SAFE.
| London, Jan. 1O.-A dispatch 20 the
Daily Chronicle dated az Frere Camp
Sunday Afternoon al 3 o'clock says.
There has been no bombardment OF
Ladysmih today nor any sheIng a.
I h-lltf.f ~ 10y NtAN iHl ~ nti kAlir
FREE STATE TROOPS
London Jan. 10 The Daily Mail has
the following dispatch dated January
2 from Capetown
Dordrecht is now garriso0ed by 1000
rebels thus releasing the Orange Free
state troops for service elsewhere.
BOERS BUY SHELLS.
London Jan. 10 THE Berlin c0rre-
spondent Of the Daily Mail gives, un-
der reserve, report that 5000 lyd-
dite shells have been TUNED out by
the Krupp works which are not des-
tined for England, but were ordered
some time ago by Or Leyds.
YOUNG HAY NOT IN TT.
Chicago, Jan. IA special 10 the
Chronicle from Washington. Fsys:
Whsn you - Adelbert Hay. son OF
the secretary of state, reaches Pretoria
to assume charge OF the United States
consulate al the capital Of the South
African republic. ne viii be Informed
by President Kruger that he Is persona
non grata and that he IL at liberty 10
return 70 Washington al his own ccn-
venicnce.
4 ---~--
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10
PRoMfNENT 0lTIznMs TEuL Oh
THAT TERRITORYs NnnDs

Washington, Jan. 8-The question OF
proper civil goyernmeut for Alaska re-
ceiyed atterlon from the committee ON
territories in The senate to-day. The COM
miu,o had under consideration the bin
proposing changes Ia nhe government.
ana ln that connection, heard statements
from Governor Brady g. H Price. who
represents "a convention OF ciUzert n
Alaska, ID. b. May special agent ofN.he
general land office ard H. ls. Twiss. an
attorney residing in Junoaue An of them
advocated the passage of the bili, but
generally suggested amendments.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10

want TO let the people who suffer
from rheumatism and scia lea know
that Cham mberlain's Pain Balm relieved
me after mum Der Of other medicines
an a doctor had failed IL il the best
liniment have ever known OIL a.
OodRcn, Alpharetta, Ga. Thousands
have been cured of rheumatism by
this remedy One application relieves
the pain. For sale bv @ Y R~nfro.
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10

II know Of no war In which Great
Britain has engaged. except that result
ing in the Independence Of the Ameri-
can colonies, which did not end trium-
phantly. Yet / do not know OF one
which has begun triumphantly True,
the war In South Africa Is disappoint-.
ing, but IL Il Is not q fact that Great
Britain has suffered exceptional re-
verses or great disaster on the other
hand, the war has knit together every
branch OF the English speaking race,
making all feel that they have a great
common destiny which 1t is their duty
TO accomplish.
These arr thoughts waich ought to
support US in far greater trials tnan
this war may produce. Remember that
a nation which cannot bear defeat Is q
nation unworthy OF empire, and al
though defeat has not yet come, and al
though we hope and believe II will not
come In the course OF the present war.
yet II matters should turn out other
wise, we should stiil rely upon the
courage and patriotism OF our country
men"
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10

Washington, Jan "a we'll atterded
caucus of the democratic members OF the
house of Representatives was held tonight.
Mr. NcwlaDds New. was present by In
vtaton OF Mr. Richardson, for the pur-
pose of presenting "a plan FOR united action
hy all elements opposed 60 the republican
organization. The actual business trans
acted by the caucus was confined TO the
adoption of resolution for The appoint
ment OF the committee Of one member
from each state to look after the con-
gressional elections ard the selection OF
Messrs Underwood - IA. and Ephes.
Of Va, as whips" for the arrangement
OF pairs Mr.. Newaands spoke at con-
siderable length concerning the unihca-
tion OF the elements opposed 10 tho
political party now In power
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10

London. Jan O.. -Arthur J.. Balfour
first lord OF the trdasury, speaking this
evening In East M anchester. said
The Guthrie daily leader. [volume] (Guthrie, Okla.) 1893-1996, 1900-01-10

ps ss xsi ssias asassS ss,s u scissss cssssS S q
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1900-09-20
Turkish Police Justice.

A trifiing dispute between Kurd
and an Armenian on street In Con-
stantinople the other day led to an
amusing Instance of justice as it is dis
pensed by the Turkish police.
4 A tobacco box was found on the pave
ment. as alleged. by Kurd. An Ar
menian claimed the box as his own.
Neither would give in. and the dispute
waxed warm. From words they were
near coming to blows when police
man came up. but he could not decide
the question of ownership.
At last the Armenian suggested that
the policeman ask what was in the box.
Tobacco and cigarette paper" said
the Kurd promptly.
THE box contains nothing but 10
piasters." said the Armenian. smiling.
The officer opened the box and. find
ing the Armenian was right settled the
dispute by giving him the box.
1.-THE Armenian Is the owner Of the
box be said. THE Kurd Is a liar"
Here he smote the Kurd over the
head Allah be praised. For my trou.
BILE in deciding this complicated affair
will keep the 10 piastres."
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1900-09-20
He Doesn't Like Aauartum..

Why any one should ever have de-
sired to own or to visit an aquarium
is D, .Stery The view OF fish, except
when nicely grilled or when suspended
at the end of fishing line, is one OF
the most uninteresting of sights. The
other animals when in confinement dis
play traits which are more or less in
teresting. The lion has a sense Of hui
NOR and displays it in the most pleas
ing way when he devOurs the lion
tanner who has entered too often into
his cage. The bear in his thirst for
buns seems so much like the human
boy that the spectator of his antics
frequently feels an irresistible desire
to hit him with stick.
But the fish has not single inter-
esting trait. He will swim around the
tank in which he is confined with a
persistence which is maddening to the
nervous spectator. He never engages
in genuine fight. but contents himself
with an occasional surreptitious bite
of an enemy's tail, which gives no true
satisfaction to the behOlder. Ii he
happens to be large snake thinly dis
guised as an eel or an octopus or some
other alarmingly ugly fish, he will
sometimes swim directly at the glass
through which the visitor,is looking at
him and thereby give the latter mo-
mentary sensation Of horror, but the
average fish cares nothing for the pub
lie and treats his visitors with calm
contempt. An aquarium without fish.
like seashore resort without the sea.
is unobjectionable. but an aquarium
with real water and real fish is the
dreariest object in nature.-W. L. Al
den in Pearson's Magazine.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1900-09-20
The Panama Hat.

'The cheapest straw hat to buy"
said man who owns beauty, sis.
after all. a Panama, like this. Look
here" He took down his big white
hat, which was creased down the mid
die like pair of trousers, and rolled it
up tight; then he tossed it in the air.
With cracking sound it spread open
and fluttered down to the floor in its
original shape, deep center crease and
ALL You could soak this hat for a
week." he continued. land iron it out
flat afterward, but when you came to
put it on again it would be just as you
see it now.
women in Mexico and roundabout
all that region make the hats. using
straw that has been selected with more
care than could tell you of. The art
has been handed down in their families
from one generation to another. and it
is secret art, unknown to any other
people in the world.
Z "These women, living SO far away
from everything, are ignorant Of the
fashions. and that is why the hats
never change their ugly shape. If they
were fashionably made, the demand
for them would be enormous. AS it is,
hatters travel through all that country
and buy them up at good prices.
II 1.-THE perfect Panama hat costs at
least $50. and If you should pay $50 for
a big and unusually light one you
would not be getting stuck." Philadel-
phia Record.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1900-09-20
He Concentrated.

Professor Countemfast Is small
man with large mentality. His wife
is tall woman. who believes in the
power of matter over mind. The pro-
lessor had been absorbed the whole
evening in profound paper on the
mental characteristics of people who
were unhappily married. Suddenly
looking up. he remarked:
.sMy dear, are you aware of the fact
that mans brain weighs about 31a
peundsY
"Humph! You've just read that,
haven't your
FER er-why -er-oh. yes; certainly.
of course
well. that article says woman's
brain Is not so heavy. eh?"
''Er-er-yes, 1t certainly does. but.
"And 1t also states that a woman's
brain is Of much finer quality. doesn't
itY'
.Er-er-well. yes: you are quite
right. my dear"
Nov. listen to me. Just concen-
trate your 3K pound brain on that
scuttle and figure out how much it will
weigh after you bring it full Of coal
from the cellar" The professor meek
ly bowed his great head. and. as he de-
parted for the lower regions in search
Of abstract information. he murmured:
1.-THE man who thinks that mind Is
superior to matter is an illustrious
idiotv-London Tit-Bits.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1900-09-20
The Pari. Cab Driver.

Outside of many Wine shops In Paris
and in the principal cities Of France a
sign is often to be seen bearing the
words. Au cocher fidele (''To the faith
full cocher'D: beneath 1t driver Is
pictured, hat in hand. restoring to a
gentleman and lady. the hirers of the
coach. purse forgotten on the cush-
ions Of the vehicle. This is not con-
ception of the artist. nor vile flattery
Of the restaurant or wine shop to draw
thither the coachrnan with q fOible, for
the bottle. but reality which often oc-
ours and Of which the cocher has every
right to be proud.
Anybody who has lived any length
of time in Paris will indorse the state
ment Who has not forgotten an UNI
breila. a walking stick. a small satchel
or some little object on the seat or floor
Of public vehicle? And who has not
had his property restored without even
having taken the number Of the We
hicle, without any remembrance of the
physiognomy Of the driver? By sim
pie application to a special office at the
prefecture Of police. where all objects
found in public carriages are deposit
ed and arranged according to the date
and hour at which they were brought
in. one is able promptly to regain pos
session of his lost property.
This reflects great credit on the
Paris "cabbies." few of whom, by the
way. are born Parisians. Harpers
Weekly.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1900-09-20

Once, when he first came to Lon
don and was laying the foundation of
his great career. says a London letter.
the future. Lord Chief Justice Russell
Went to the pit of theater. The piece
was popular. the pit was crowded and
the young advocate had only standing
room All Of a sudden man at his
side cried out thar his watch was
stolen. Mr.. Russell and two other
men were hemmed in.
st is one Of you three" cried the
man Ca,..ns the watch.
"Welt we had better go out and be
searched said Mr.. Russell, with the
alertncss of mind that did not fail him
at trying moment amid an excited
crowd A detective was at hand, and
the suggestion was accepted. AS Mr..
Russell walked out the idea flashed
through his mind that If the man be-
hind him had the stolen property he
would probably try to secrete it In the
pocket of his front rank man. Quick
as thought he drew his coattails about
him-only to feel. to his horror, some
thing large and smooth and round al
ready in his pocket.
While he was still wondering what
this might mean for him. the detective
energetically seized the hindmost man,
exclaiming: What. you rascal! At 1t
again. To Mr.. Russell and the other
man he apologized and babe them go
free
But Mr.. Russell. before he had taken
many steps. reflected that he could not
keep the watch. He went back to the
box Office and explained, with cour-
age on which he afterward said he
rarely experienced greater demands.
that though he did not take the watch
he had it. So saying. he put his hand
into his pocket and pulled out-a for
gotten snuffbox.