davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
HIS MENTAL RESERVATION.

Washington correspondence of The Chicago Record.
The Judge OF the United States Court in Porto
Rico bears the musical name of SulZbacher and
comes from New-MexicO where he learned Spanish
and became the friend of Senator Ekins which ac-
counts for his appointment. That Judge SulZbach-
er is a diplomatist and man OF ready resources
a little incident in his judicial will prove
Before the policy of Congress and the AdmniStra-
Ion toward our new possessions developed
Judge Sulzbacker prematurely decided that the
Constitution follows the nag. This judicial prece-
dent might have troubled other people but il gave
him no concern whatever. because the first time
any one questioned his decision he replied:
1T is true that held that the Constitution fol-
lows the flag. but did say with what speed il
does the following"
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
RICH BOYS cHRISTMAs STOCKINGS.

From The Syracuse News
\ street urchin stood peering into the window
of toy shop evening just before Christmas
watching a prosperous father buying presents.
Bigger and bigger the boys eyes grew as the pur-
chasing went Finally. when it all over
and the left the store the lad sdled up him
and with great diffidence asked:
.'Wuz all them things you bought fer one boy.
mister?'
''Why. yes certainly said the man. patiently.
he turned away with his bundles under his
aims.
The street boys eyes grew bigger yet.
Gee Whit he whispered under his breath.
'Rich mems boys must wear big stockings
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
HONEY SAVED.

From The Louisville Times.
There's a good story told a young fellow here
noted for his clOseness He went to spend the
night with a friend During the entire night he
betrayed much restlessneSs. which kept the host
wide awake, and finally the slumberer betrayed
signs of violent emotion. He's going to have
nightmare" said the friend. bat he always grum-
bles so when you wake him up that hate to dis
turb him. He waited "A little longer, sitting up in
bed staring at the miserable sleeper. and finally
becoming alarmed, he reused him. The close young
man snrang up in bed glared wildly around and
said: Where am /? don't the storm.
Why. here in my rOOm,' said the host. soothing
ly: you remember you stayed all night with me-
I beg your pardon for waking you up, but you
carried | had to-
BEG my pardOn?' gaSred the guest Il shall
ntver be grateful enough to you. i dreamed was
out with Miss Bud and a terrible came up
and my shoes and was just ordering
coupe for two when you reused me. Old boy you
have saved a dollar
Ard the host says he actually afraid TO go to
sleep that night for fear the coupe would come
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
HE P4ROLED THE COW.
. NIemnhis Scinitar-

From The Memphis Scimitar.
This morning Pound Officer TAFT had occasion to
rope in a fine Jersey which had escaped from
her owners lot and was roaming the streets at
will -. g.. .r
This action evoked the following letter from the
"1'bfef Richards-Old Friend: The pound man
hauIed INV COW into court this morning Tor pro~!.
ing As III was her first offence please nave her 'e0
on WIN as N7"s $50 &C w. DAVIS
And underneath the letter the chief scrlDDled 'he
following instruction to the pound man; -
Release the old COW referred to on he' '"u
recCesuiZaDce.''
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
SOMETHING NEW IN FORGERY.

From The Chicago Post.
''I notice that Russian has made his will by
reciting il into a phOnOgraph said the confidence
What's that?' exclaimed Jim the Penman-
Great Scott! What's TO become of me II that syS-
tenn is generally followed in business affairs?'
''How will il affect your
why. my penmanship will count for nothing
man will have to be mimic in order to commit
forgery won't hey'
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
NOT STRONG ENOUGH.
From The King.

From The King.
AT of the clubs the other day two members
were arguing about will power
The cOnceited man, who in the habit of
boring all present with his pOintleSS tales, said
that his will stronger than his friends.
You wrong there" said the quiet man, land
will prove it in this way: You go and stand in
that corner. and / will will you to out of it,
You will against me, and 1 bet you that / will
have you from that corner before have COM
manded you second time.
The smart took the bet and put himself in
the corner. The quiet said in d commanding
voice:
'COme out of that cOrnerv'
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
HOW HE WON THE MEN.

From The Newcastle Chronicle.
AT one period of his career Archdeacon Sinclair
used TO preach pretty often both at Wellington ana
the ('oIdstream Guards accOsted him. and said how
sorry he was they had not heard him preach 1oT
some time The ArchdeacOn explained that ne had
not the pleasure of knowing the then chaplain at
Chelsea. 49,.
..That's n pity' replied the soldier. "fOr the men
like 10 hear YOU. They said'-and here the Arcil-
deacon prepared himself for a graceful compi-
mcnt-''vOu' had a voice like drill Sergeant'S.
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30

The other grinned and shook his head. The y
sat down and looked at him steadily. Five minates
passed and then the man OF Will said. with sneer:
1TIadnt YOU better give Il up7 don't feel any In
AIence al an and cant stand here all the even
irI-
sslrhere is no hurry said sh@ a and have
a yery comfortable seat. TSefs " no time limit,
except that you are to come 0sis before ass you
twice and as don't intend e. .sk you again tt.t1
this Jay week I think you will feel fhe iniiu'acs
Tbe sn.. art one came sIt looking very foolish
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL.

From The Youths Companion
A little New Zealand girl recently wrote to ask
Mark Twain if his real name Was Clemens. She
knew better, she said because Clemens was the
man who sold patent medicine She hoped not, for
she liked the name of Mark. Why. Mark Antony
was in the Biblei
Her letter delighted its recipient.
'As Mark Antony has got into the Bible, Mr.
Clemens characteristically remarked. in telling
about il, Il not without hopes myself
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
No LITERARY ASPIRATIONS.
From The Baltimore American.

From The Baltimore American.
Mrs. Hocorn-But. Mandy l don't see why you
don't want marry SilaS Bean blossom Hes IFu-,
porous enough. He's just put new 81" on his
house.
Mandy don't keer. NAV. He kin put the whole
alphabet his house if he want to, but this here
literary life did appeal to me.
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
A HISNOMER.

From The Cleveland Plain Dealer
Pa said the blooming daughter of the house
hold. Il wish you wouldn't call young Mr. SOfteigh
pOpinjay-
And why nOt?'
Because he isn't jay. and there doesn't seem
to be any hope of his 'pOppin."
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
AN AMENDMENT.

From The Indianapolis Press.
The tornado and the typhOon." said the pro-
fessor. the opening of his lecture may De
called brothers, -
''Wouldn't sisters be the better wOrd% venture.
the little with the scared eyes who sat we4
toward the rear.
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
A GRAND OPPORTUNITY.

From The Chicago Tribune.
do YOU know what would do IL / owned this
placer said Mrs. GasWell turning enthusiastically
to the guide who showing her the wonders
of the British Museum I'D hold the biggest rum
mage sale that on this green earth"
New-York tribune., 1900-12-30
MIIED Up.

From The New-York Weekly.
Mrs Hardhead-I can always tell what kind of
wife man has by his views on the woman queS-
tiOn.
Stranger-I have all sorts Of views.
Mrs. FIardhead-Then you are Chicago man.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
RUN OF FISH VERY LIGHT.
Old Hands at the Trade Say 1t is a
Good Thing. as the River Has
Been Fished Too Hard.

The fishermen complain OF a stead
lily decreasing catch and a number have
tied up their boats temporarily and
left the river until there is a better
run.
An old fisherman, in talking Of the
situation yesterday. said: It's a
good thing the catch is light. The
river has been fshed too hard. The
clear water this year has enabled the
salmon TO avoid the nets and traps
and get to their spawning grounds.
In q year or two fishing on the Co
lumbia will be as good as 1t ever was
The trouble with our fishermen is,
they are too greedy. They want to
net every fish that swims in the river
IL has been the same way on the Sac
ramento. Now that river is iished out
"The fishermen are all making fair
wages as 1t is. When two men can
make $50 a week each. fishing in an of
year, they should not complain, and
that has been about the average the
men have been making. The prices
have been way up. as compared with
former years, and can't see where
there is any room for complaint. Be-
sides the run Of salmon is going to
be heavier next month than it has
been this month and consequently
the catch will be larger. So far. I.
as an old timer. call this very sue
cessful season."
There is no question but what in
quality the salmon packed at Asto-
ria this year is way above the pack
of former years. The spring salmon
of 1900 on the Columbia are the fin
est flsh in flesh and flavor that have
been packed in years. While the fish
have not averaged so large in size and
weight as in former years, they Rave
far excelled the previous catches in
quality.
The price of cents per pound, as
established by the Fishermen's Union
dl AnC VI SNeAoOAtt aNAA 6NA
orally prevails, but as high as 71s cents
has been paid for choice lots Of fish
for export purposes.
The Astoria pack of salmon is known
the world over and it always finds
ready sale at the top market price.
Astoria packers know this and are in
no hurry to. put their goods on the
market, Anytime they offer establish
ed Astoria brands for sale they viii
find buyers in plenty and, hence, they
are taking their time and waiting to
see Just what the seasons catch will
be before offering their goods. Small
lots have been put on the market, and
snapped up by buyers, but no heavy
sales have been reported so far, al
though there is goods for the market
whenever the packers get ready to
move them.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
EVERYTHING THEIR OWN WAY,
Astorians Defeat the Vancouver Team
With Hands Down.

The Astoria baseball team proved too
much for the Seventh regiment boys
from Vancouver barracks at the Athlet-
ic Club field yesterday. The Astoria boys
had everything their own way from
the start, pounding out a total Of
seventeen to two for the visitors.
The Vancouver boys assert that their
team was badly weakened 'hy the alb
senee of their first baseman and two
other players, who had been transfer
red to Alaskan service, and new men
had to be secured to fill their places.
On the other hand the Astoria team
was composed largely of outside tai
ent. the positions of pitcher, catcher
first baseman and left and center field
being filled by members of the Fort
Stevens team.
The game, however, was a most in
teresting one from the fact that sew
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
POISON IN POTATOES.

The public is becoming excited over
the statement recently made that pota-
toes contain a poison called solanin.
1t is announced that new potatoes con-
tain much less than old ones but those
which have commenced to sprout are
quite dangerous. This may be true,
but It seems odd that people have
lived and thrived for centuries upon
them and that their danger has just
been discovered. It is safe to assert
that any one with whom potatoes do
not agree has stomach trouble. and
any one who has indigestion. dyspep-
STA, constipation. biIliousness, or liver
and kidney weakness needs Hostet-
ter's Stomach Bitters at once. This
medicine does more than promise, It
cures. Avoid substitutes and insist
upon having the genuine. Try it.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
IMPROVED SERVICE AND EQUIP
MENT.

The new schedule Of the o. r. q N.
which went into effect April 22nd.
shortened the time to Chicago Il hours.
and gives double daily service be-
tween Portland and Chicago.
Train No. 2. leaving Portland at 9:1B
a. m. is known as the "Chicago-Port-
land Special" Its equipment is new
throughout, making it fully the equal
of any train now in service from the
Pacific coast to the East.
The Overland Express leaves Port
land at $40 p. m. and furnishes COM
plete service both via Huntington and
Spokane to the East. together with the
best Of service to all local points on
the o. r. & N. lines.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

eral very clever plays were scored for
both sides. The crow1 was quite
large, considering the numerous other
attractions about town during the day.
Nearly $50 people were In attendance.
II is understood that return game
win be played soon. but the date ana
place have not yet been announced.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
REPUBLICAN, TICKET.
STATE.

STATE.
For Congress. Second Con-
gressional District
MALCOLM A. MOODY,
Of Wasco County.
For Justice Of the Supreme
Court
CHAS. E. WOLVERTON.
Of Linn County.
For Oregon Dairy and Food
Commissioner
]. w. BAILEY,
Of Multnomah County.
COUNTY.
For Legislature
i. r. STOKES
]. e. YOUNG.
For District Attorney
HARRISON ALLEN.
For Sheriff
THOMAS LINvILLE.
For Clerk
H. j. WHERITY.
For Treasurer
H. C. THOMPSON.
For Assessor
C. w. CARNAHAN.
For Surveyor
R. F. c. ASTBURY.
For School superintendent
J. T. LEE.
For Coroner
e. P. PARKER.
For Commissioner
DAN. J. INGALLS,.
For Constable
WIN. CHANCE.
For Justice of the Peace
C. c. BROWER.
For Road Supervisor
c. L. FOSTER.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
A NEW TRAIN.

The Chicago. Milwaukee & st. Paul
Railway Co. will place in service April
29th New Train between st. Paul and
St. Louis. called the Flying Dutch
man." The train will have through
sleeping cars and be frst-class
Throughout. Ask any ticket agent for
particulars or address
C. ]. EDDY. General Agent.
Portland, Oregon.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
REPUBLICAN MEETINGS.
Where and When the Peoples Candi-
dates WIN Meet With the
Voters.

The republican county central COM
mittee has decided upon The dates and
places for political meetings up to the
close OF the campaign as follows:
olney, Thursday, May 81.
New Astoria, Friday. June 1.
Astoria. Saturday, June 2.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

All contracts for advertising In
the Astoiian are made ON "A guar.
antce Of circulation four times
larger than that Of any paper
published or circulated In Clat.
sop county.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
EVERY MONDAY CLUB MUSICAL
Program Of the Entertainment to Be
Given This Evening.

The following program will be rem
dered at the musical to be given by the
ladies of the Every Monday Club, at
the residence Of Mrs. w. o. Wnkin
son. this evening:
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

Herring 4 Cook, Commercial street.
between Tenth and Eleventh, Is the
only frst-olass all.nIght lunch house
In Astoria.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

Emil Pursch, ono OF the oest known
grain buyers OF San Francisco. is in
the city ON business.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

Cream Pure Rye. Americas finest
whisky The only pure goods; guar.
anteed rich and mellow. John l.. Carl.
son. sole agent.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
AROUND TOWN.

AROUND TOWN.
Pigs for sale at oaaton's stable.
Horses for sale at daatons stable.
uustaf Wilson Is down from Port
land.
J. II. Roth OF Peoria, H.. Ia IN the
city on business.
N. J. Dupont OF cathlame, was In
Astoria yesterday
II. caples OF caplcs Landing Is at
the Parker house.
Joseph II. Clark Of San Francisco Is
registered at the ocoident
Mrs. r. norland Of Portland ia the
Hueal of friends In the city.
Best iS-cent meal. Rising Sun Res
taurant. 6i2 Commercial street.
r1s,. >. --
II you want leo cream that IL made
Of pure cream try the Parlor.
Jeff'a realaurant-the largest and
bcss. A trial will convince you.
]. c. FltHhcnry Of Los Angeles 10 In
Ihe city on brief business trip.
G. II. Foster OF Cathlamot Ia In the
city. q guest at the Parker House.
For rent-7.room house. nicely fur
niahed. Apply at s9s Exchange Street.
Sweet cream ut tho Parlor 10 cents
u pint Just what you want for ber'
ries.
wanted.-To rent q centrally located
furnished house. Address X. care As
torian.
Mrs. ]. Christensen and Miss NJ
Ward Of Portland are Visiting In the
city.
Mr. and Mrs. s. A. cawston and
child Of Portland spent Memorial Day
in Astoria.
Mrs. Il. A. Hawkins OF Ilwaco Ia In
the city. on a brief visit, guest at
the occident
A good meal can be had at oil hours,
at tho Jewell boarding house. 7a6
Commercial street.
Mr. and Mrs. II. s, MoGowan, nc
companied by their daughter, are In
the city. guests at the ocoldent.
A small place at Clatsop for sale or
rent Suitable for chicken ranch. APP
ply to A. Tagg. ParlOr Candy store.
Herring q Cook. Commercial street.
between Tenth and Eleventh. iS the
only first class all-night lunch house
In Astoria.
The British ship Dovenby Hall, with
"a cargo OF grain for the United King
dom. was towed to sea at $3.50 yester-
day afternoon.
The steamer Columbia arrived from
San Francisco early yesterday morn
Ing and proceeded to Portland after
.dlscharging large quantity of her
freight.
Captain Lou Staples, OF the pilot
force. returns TO work tomorrow after
a month OF much needed rest. He will
probably be located on the pilot
. schooner.
Roslyn coal Is the best and most eco
nomlcal coal for household use in A.
torIa. Try II once and you win have
no other. George w. sanborn. agent.
Telephone 1911.
The citizens observed Decoration
Day almost universally yesterday.
flugb were on ihuSt VI WV pu9i"Nso
houses at half mast and every store
In the city was closed at noon today.
siG
James Maokey, better known as
,Jlm" MaclEey who for years was q
vocalist with some Of the best min
strel companies that ever toured the
United States sang new song for the
Elks the other night which should be
adopted by every army post In the
country. It is entitled 1.-THE Blue and
Grey" and is certainly one Of the best
seml-potriotlc ballads written In recent
years.
BEST 1b-cENT MEAL; RISING
SUN RESTAURANT.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

The pilot schooner San Jose came
into port last night for supplies, having
been off the bar over month. She
will probably leave out again this even
ing or tomorrow. The pilot schooner
Joseph Pulitzer, which is now under
going general overhaullng, win not
be ready for service for several weeks
She is now being supplied with new
rigging and when this work is COM
pleted she will be put on the ways
and thoroughly scraped and repainted
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

Trimmed hats for less than cost this
week AZ Miss MoRaes.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
THE ONLY BICYCLE.

The above heading gives the name.
What name? Rambler. Of course. We
have the exclusive agency. Call for
our prices and terms.
FISHER BROS.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

Furnished house TO re /. Apply u
Mrs. A. L. Fulton. s67 Grand Ave.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

An honest and unbiased view Of the
political situation in Clatsop county
at this time. indicates majority for
the whole republican ticket. Malcolm
Moody is as certain to get majority
as the sun is to shine or the rain to
fall. The people know what he has
done for them and what he is trying
to do for them and they viii give him
loyal support. Wolverton is also sure
OF majority for supreme court justice.
He is the right man for the place and
Bailey is all right. Stokes and Young
for the legislature are having easy
running. They will carry the full re-
publican strength, Voters win not
support political repudiationist, and
when Mr. Hahn deliberately left his
party to ally himself with a hop
scotch ticket, nominated in a hap
hazard, illegal manner, he lost the con-
fdence Of all republicans. Harrison
Allen has a walk over Everybody ad-
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

When the devil goes fishing for men,
he bats his hook with a pretty wo-
man.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
mites that and he VIII get hundreds o.
democratic votes.

mites that and he viii get hundreds Of
democratic votes.
LinviIle IL sitting back watching
Hansen and Wickman pulling each
Others hair and splitting the tiny min
ority between them. All he Is inter-
ested In Is 70 zee which Of the two
viii be ir sight az second man. Thomp-
son is making an aggressive campaign.
He has BEEN an honest official and the
people know II and he will carry all
the votes, and more. that he had last
time. carnahan Is the best equipped
man IN clatsop county for the office he
holds and every man who has had
dealings with his Office knows II. So
well is he fitted for the place and 80
thoroughly are his abilities appreciated
that carnahan need have made no
canvass 10 be reelected.
Mr.. Lee win have no trouble in
defeating Agulnaldo's friend. The vot-
ers have but little use for a man who
supports the enemies Of the 1ag. The
only salvation for Lees opponent lies
In the fact that he tried to help the
guerilla by writing poetry. Astbury.
Parker Ingalls, and the rest are in
just as good position as are their com
rades on the ticket Astbury's election
IL conceded and neither Parker nor
Ingalls, have anything like an uphill
fight.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

No matter how bright the outlook.
no republican should fail TO work and
vote for the ticket. The majoritles
cannot be too large. Let's make 1t a
regular landslide. II can be done cas-
lily enough. II the hop-scotchers are
defeated. the democrats won't cry. for
they don't claim the hop-scotchers as
their candidates and they resent being
gold-bricked, so II the republicans will
only work they can add the votes Of
the men who belonged to the demo-
cratic party in this county before 1t
committed suicide. to the republican
majority.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31
TopAY's WEATHER.

PORTLAND. May sl.-oregon and
Washington. fair weather today,
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1900-05-31

A II per cent dividend has been de-
eiared on the stock OF the Building &
Loan Land Company, payable at the
Office Of w. l.. Robb. secretary.