The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-07-18

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Yet here's hope l entertain
And may it never PERISH
That as the years roll round again,
And other things we cherish
When Cupid slowly turns us loose
land never even pities),
We may unite on Mother Goose
And other childrens ditties!
Tom Mason in the Smart Set.
This story relates to Secretary of the
Navy Longs idea of social formality,
says the Saturday Evening Post. Just
before the first cabinet dinner was given
last season, Mr.. Hay had a private talk
with his colleagues in the cabinet, in
which the proposition was agreed to that
the irritating precedent question at cabi-
net dinners should be abolished Each
hostess must simply be careful not to put
the same people together through the sea-
son. The secretary of state was TO inau~
gurate the plan. No one expressed him
than the secretary of the navy. He
talked about it constantly between the
agreement and the dinner.
When he arrived at the mems dressing
room the evening of the dinner, the man.
servant handed him the usual small en-
velope with the name of the lady whom
he was to take in to dinner. Mr.. Long
read 1t aloud to the other members of the
cabinet in the room. He looked puzzled
and distressed. The other members
showed that they also had cards.
Mr.. Long sat heavily down in chair
and looked around them as one who had
lost his last friend. Il thought he said,
mournfully, that Hay told us this was
gong to be an informal affair."
What did you expect? asked a
cabinet minister.
why, 1 thought every fellow would
in nd inc to thn 1oH ho n6
best, take her out to dinner and sit down
in the chair nearest him. That's my idea
of informality.''
He knocked at the back door of a sub
urban house and the cook opened it. He
was a sinister-lOoking fellow, and the
cook held on to the door.
Lady of the house at home?' he in
Quired. gruffiy..
No. trembled the cook
Master of the house at home?"
''None Of the people in?"
None but me" and she tried to shut
the door.
All. never mind" he growled, setting
his foot against it; I'll come in and have
a good feed. Let go the door,
She let go the door and the tramp went
in and fell into the arms of burly po-
liceman who was counting the cook con-
trary to Orders.-London Tit-Bits.
-:O:-
An eccentric fiat man. who was on
exhibition became so tired of answering
questions that he had the following re-
plies printed and pasted on a board at
his side:
[ weigh 345 pounds.
| am fat.
/ know [ am fat.
| am growing fatter every day.
/ am growing QVprV dav
cannot tell you how much larger |
am going to get
expect to grow until 1 either die or
collapse.
Yes, | have a good appetite
No, [ do not eat all the time.
Yes, [ am going to stop eating.
No, | was not always as large as | am
[ do not remember when l was as thin
as you.
Yes, my father was large man.
Yes my mother was a large woman.
| cannot tell you how long it will take
you to get as fat as l am.
l do not know if you will ever be as
fat as l am.
[ like to be told that / am fat
[ like to be stared at.
/ like to have people stop in the street
and laugh at me.
| like people who give me advice about
reducing my weight.
Yes / have tried dieting.
1t did not do me any good.
If there is any other question you can
think of that I've not answered, don't be
baShfu. Just ask it, and I'll try and an
swer it. Are you going? Well, goodby.
London Tlt-BitS.
Wife counting over her change after
making a purchase)-'l fear he has CIV
Husband (savagely)-"I thought SO, |
thought SO; that's the way my hard
earned money goes. Trust woman to
get fooled. Go back to the counter and
get it made right at once"
Wife returns to the counter and hands
the assistant a half sovereign.
Husband-"Why, what have you been
doing?'
Wife Making the change right. He
gave me half a sovereign too much"
Husband (more savage than ever)-
well. by lingo, you are an idiot"'-
TidBits.
An incident which occurred in Phila-
delphia during the recent national con-
vention might be taken to indicate that
there are moments in the lives of poll
ticians when their attention isn't devot-
ed to celebrities, relates the New York
Commercial. Many will recall to mind
the falling e an elevator at one of the
hotels and the serious injury resulting
TO several delegates. Few however.
ever heard that the same elevator fell
seven stories the previous day and a ca
tastrophe was only avoided by the work
ing of the pneumatic attachment which
subsequently failed AS it was, the oc
cupants experienced a thrilling episode,
dropping seven flights and rebounding
from the air cushion.
Among those thus shaken up was Post
master Walter d. Stinson of Augusta,
Me. AS he climbed out of the fallen ele-
vator he was grappled by superheated
bystander with the anxious query:
"Have you seen Gov. Tanner?"
''My dear sir said Mr.. Stinson with
contrasting calmness, Il was in too much