Evening star., 1900-10-27
JOBSON'S BOXING LESSON

an inward feeling Of alarm, which she care
| fully endeavors to conceal, when Mr.. job
| son is burdened with bundle on his ar
| rival home from the office in the evening.
Such sense of foreboding took possession
| of her one evening last week, when Mr..
Jobson walked in with Queer. bulgy-look-
| ing parcel and rested it on the sitting room
center table. However, she remained out
wardly calm and did not advert to the
bundle until Mr.. Johson began to regard her
expectantly out Of the slaits of his eyes.
SDon't suppose you'd give me as much
satisfaction as to inquire, in a wifely, in
terested manner, what I've got here, hey?"
SAID Mr. Jobson. after fidgeting around a
lot, waiting for Mrs. Jobsons inquiry.
Well said Mrs. Jobson Il thought that
when you'd concluded to volunteer the in
fcrmation-that is to say, you SO often ac
cuse me of unwarranted curiosity that"
who, me?' interrupted Mr.. Jobson.
Never made any such accusa ton in my
Efe-Id only be too blamed tickled to have
| you give an occasional Indication that you
| are interested in something or other besides
| the High and Nobler and the Influence of
Environment land the Exaltation of the
| 1deai and the Good, the True and the Beau
| tnui, ana all the rest of those pink-tea-isms
| that you've diked your mind out with of
| late years. What dye suppose I've got in
| this package, anyhow"
I'm sure l haven't the remotest idea,
| unless its"
No. it's not a pair of roller skates, as
| see you were about to say, in conformity
with your settled disposition of late to hint
around that I'm in my second or third
chlldhood. Neither is it collection of
| bean bags. Nor is it bunch of foot ball
| clothes. such as you see the small boys on
| the vacant lots wearing on Saturdays. Like
wise, 1t Is not large assortment of Chinese
dragon kites. nor is it large line of spin
| ming tops, marbles or jackknives"
Mr. Jobson pulled the bundles drawstring
and held up to view two pairs of maroon
| leather boxing gloves.
| Dye know what they are now that
you We seen 'emy inquired Mr.. Jobson.
Mercy on us!" exclaimed Mrs. Jcbson,
they look like a couple of pairs of some
| giants gloves. but really suppose they are
boxing gloves, are they
"Stupendous intellect you've got, Mrs.
Jooson, after all, commented Mr.. fJobSon,
locking over the gloves critically. Who'd
have thought you'd have guessed right the
| very first time? Sometimes you give evi-
| dences of analytical powers almost hu-"
what are you going to do with them?"
| inquired Mrs Jobson.
| 'Oh don't you imagine for a moment that
L m going to endeavor to get you to box
with me. Mrs. Jobson,' replied Mr. job
| son. I've made too many frantic eff
| forts to induce you to take as much eXer-
| else as hibernating python, but all to no
avail. I've employed a man who's regu-
| larly in the business to box with me-a
| professional prize fighter. He'll be here
| tonight to put me through the PAGES. I'm
| getting a bit on in years. and may be
| somewhat soft for that reason, but l guess
| III give that pugilist all he can attend to-
| all right There weren't many chaps who
| could make breathe hard at the box
ing game when l young fellow, and
! after a lesson on the modern points of the
| business l guess I'll be able to keep that
| pugilistic chap wondering how he's going
! to keep out of my way"
But" interposed Mrs. Jobson, ARE you
going. to have professional pugilist right
| l.,,.N ,,Nt tl,,l i
! Afraid O what?' interrupted Mr.. job
! SON Mrs. JobSon, you want to stop look
| ing at so many funny Illustrated weeklies
| You aggregate too many queer ideas from
| them. Just you wait till you see this pro-
| fesSional pugilst that I've engaged to box
| with me, and If you don't pronounce him
| mild as a cooling dove from every point
of view then it'll simply be because you're
| prejudiCed, that's all. Just have the girl
| clear everything out of that middle room
! upstairs, will you? My friend the pugilist'u
be along about O'clock, and we're going
! to box up i'll that room. III bet | lose
! forty-five pounds of superfuous flesh inside
| of two weeks, just from chasing this fellow
around that room,. and after I've got well
| in practice I'll let you peek in and see as
| scientific exhibition of sparrng as is
| put up anywhereY r..
Mr.. Jobsons pugilistic friend did get along
| about 8 o'clock. Mrs. Jobson reflected
| when she saw him, that he really didn't
| look anything at all like afcooing dove.
| He was broad and squat with a very much
| protruding lower jaw, with a three days
| growth of reddish beard thereon, and he
! walked a good deal like the conventional
! stage Boweryte. Mr.. JObson took the man
| right upstairs, and pretty soon 4Irs. job
| son heard a lot of dancing around above,
until she thought the plaster was lt gong 80 TO
| minutes of this she heard Mr.. Jobson's
! voice rise in wrath.
! Look a-here you bulge-faced anthro-
| poid,' Mr.. Jobson was growing, what the
| by DDllndlng on the
nose with all your might like that? Who
| told YOU you red headed gorilla, that you
We're privileged to bang me an over TINS
Mrs Jobson was listening attenuvely at
the foot of the stairs. Somehow or an
other, she had vague premonitlon that
| there was going to be trouble.
| Jaw g'wan, youse oil mush- head who's
a-hitten youse?" she heard the cooling dove
aloft say Il jes' gives youse little tap
on de smeller an youse puts up de grizzly
| balloon dat
Balloon Mrs Jobson head Mr.. Jobson
| yell. why, you miserable chimpanzee, III
| let you know where you-'
| Biff bang! and then a thud, as of heavy
body going partly through one of the walls
of the room-these sounds Mrs Jobson
heard, as she stood at the bottom of the
| stairs transfxed. Then the cooing dove
clomped heavily down the stairs, pulling off
the gloves he descended
| Dat OF prophet up dere trun me de blab
| an I gives him a little poke, tsee?' said the
cooling dove, and then he yanked open the
| front door and stalked out.
Mr. Jobson was just sitting up and look
| ing wonderingly around him when Mrs
| Jobson reached the room.
| Did you throw a potato masher at me-"
| he said in a muffied tone, passing one of
| his boxing gloves across his eyes. The sight
| of the boxing glove brought him to a real
| ization of what had happened. He strug-
| gled to his feet threw off his boxing gloves,
| gazed sternly at Mrs. Jobson and growled
| It's all right. madam-all right. I'll set
| the legal machinery in motion the very first
| thing in the morning. | can stand a good
| many things, but when Womanll deliber-
ately put knock out drops in my after-din-
| ner cup of coffee for the purpose of weak
| ening me so that she won't be put to the
| trivial annoyance of having boxing going on
| in the house. and when she knows that
| there's a man murderously assaulting me
with a mallet and declines to SO much as
| stick her head out of the door to summon
| an officer, notwithstanding the fact that
! she hears my cries for assistance-why,
| then, it's pretty near time for the law to
| take hand, Mrs. Jobson. and you'll learn
some things about legal separations to-
morrow morning thatll just make you
| open your eyes, that's all!'
He Forgot to Count Them.