davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
MQnlfke.

Mrs. Bowers-I don't like the wav
Fannie acts. She is extremely man
nish III her ways.
Mr.. Bowers Tin surprise)-Mannish?
Mrs. Bowers-Yes; every time she
goes shopping she comes home COM
pletely worn out!-Puck.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Slv Sister PrnIonca

In every sewing circle there
Is always one among
The number whom the others spare
From Gossip's nimble tongue.
IT'S not her goodness nor grace
They all respect-nay, nay;
She's first to reach the meeting place
And last to go away.
-ElliOtt'S Magazine.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Slip Of the Tongue.

what do you sell that ribbon for 2"
asked young lady in High street dry
goods store.
Eight dollars a week-oh, beg par
don, rs cents yard, madam."-Colum-
bus CO., State Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Nh Time Waited.

Betty-You say you never turn down
The light when Jack comes?
Letty-Never.
Betty-Why, how unsociable.
Letty-Jack doesn't think so.
Betty-How do you account for it?
Letty-Well, you see, never turn it
up.-JudY
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Just rs Good.

Milligan-Did yez convince Casey
thot he were in thewrong?
Mulligan-Oi dinnaw if Oh convinced
him, but Oh med him own up to it,
n. Y. Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Usually.

"What does it mean when they say
an army is decimated?"
"Oh! that's when ten per cent. are
killed or wounded and 80 per cent
run.'-Puck.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
TireSOme :Jnkex

Low Comedian - These newspaper
jokes about theatrical companies burst
ing up and the actors walking home are
getting rather tiresome.
Heavy Man (refectively)-Yes, but
not half so tiresome as the-the walk
ing.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
On One Years. Profits.

"You are not the man who fixed our
pipes last winter, are you?"
''Certainly not, ma am; you don't sup
pose man has to work two years at
the plumbing business, do ou?"-Town
Topics. ,.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Why He Succeeded

Biggs-ls your friend Speaks sue.
cess on the lecture platform?
Dl ggs-Sure. He has the faculty of
making his audience believe he knows
as much as they do.-Chicago Daily
News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
COnjuEal Tuunts.

Charlie--You never cared for me.
Jenny-Why did I marry you, then?
Charlie motives of gratitude.
Jenny - Gratitude! Gratitude for
what?
Gratitude for having made you your
only proposal of marriage.-Harlem
Life
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
A Mere Ilnft0t0r.

"Yaas,'' he said, IL WEAKLY am begin
ming to believe she is twying to make
fool of me.''
"Well, that's just like her." she
unused. "She never tried to do anything
in her life until somebody else had gone
and done it."-Chicago Times-Herald.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
A Solid Foundation.

Mrs. Parvenu-But, I'm sorry we
don't belong to one of them old fam
lilies.
Mr.. Parvenu-Never mind, Maria.
Well found a family, and We'll found it
on rocks.-Brooklyn Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Just the Naked Truth.

Mrs. Jones-Men never know how
much they owe to their wives. Now
there's Mr.. Blank, who is praised by
everyone as successful man, but what
would he have been if he had never mar
ried?
Mr.. Jones-A bachelor, dear-Tit-
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
GrewsOnle.

They scared me with hobgoblins
When l was little lad.
They scare me now with microbes,
And they're pretty near as bad.
Washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Under Certain E

Under Certain Circumstnnces.
"Do you think young man should
marry on small income?"
ooh, I can see no objection to it, il
he has reached an understanding with
her father. "-Philadelphia North Amer
lean
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Why He Swore, on

Soke-Well, I've stopped drinking.
Goodleigh-I am glad to hear il.
1t is much to your credit.
soke-No-it's because my credit haa
run out.-Baltimore American.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Locating the Blame.

"You say that the clergyman is re-
sponsible for all your trouble-how is
that?"
"Well, he married me.'-Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Her Dilemma.
She viewed the result

She viewed the result Of her baking
And remarked with tears in her eyes:
If it's angel cake I've been making
wonder why it doesn't rise?"
Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
The Smile CurQ

OFT when man is feeling blue
girls sweet smile can pull him through
But then the girl, we may assume,
Must be the one that caused his gloom.
Chicago Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
His Little Overnight.

'How hate pugs!" he said.
'Sir!" she replied, coidly.
II refer to dogs, not noses," he made
haste to assert, after quick glance at
her.-Chicago Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Life.

Man builds tall castles! storms sweep by
And blot their towers from the sky;
HI digs deep cellars, bound to win
But. as he triumphs. they cave in!
PUCK,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
HEARD AT THE CLUB,

Gay Bachelor-Do you think there
is anything in the theory that mar
ried men live longer than unmarried
ones?
HenpeclSed Friend (wearily)-Oh,
don't know-seems longer.-Harlem
Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
The Debtors SolilOuuy

'Twere sweet to be a merry bird
And carol, day by day;
He sings his notes, as you have heard.
But hasn't one to pay.
washington Star
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Ali1f5az1jE55!1 ( f{;1jtz!|aaSz -
He Lost His Case.

Gentlemen of the jury" said a blum
dering counsel, in an action about some
pigs, there were just SO hogs in that
drove; please to remember that fact
sc hogs-just exactly three times as
many as there are in that jury box,
gentlemen"
That counsel did not gain his case
Tt-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Too Little by Einety-Five,

I'm going to have it cut V-shaped,"
announced the petted daughter, looking
over the patterns for her new dress.
'1f you want to show what it cost"
growled the father of the family,
you'd better have it cut C-shaped."-
Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
ONE OF THE OTHER SORT.

$50 your son has not gone to fight
the Beers, Mrs. Todd?''
mo. sir; it's name I've heard your
reverence called by, and my Joe hasn't
come down to fighting parsons YETI
Ally Sioper.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
The Luckless Tranln.

He seeks some big. old-fashioned stove,
And snuggles down behind it,
For If he goes out hunting work
He's pretty sure to find it.
Chicago Tribune
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
A Slirht NIf.unde..t..,,,

She-I suppose you were presented
at court while in London?
He-Yes, twice, but was acquitted
both times.-Chicago Daily New.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
A Second Look,

Mrs. Greene-Who is that pretty girl
over there? Why, she is really be-
witching.
Uncle George-Why, that is the
woman your husband used to rave
about so.
Mrs. Greene-I wonder what he could
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
Merely a COniectur.

No doubt tbs from the wondrous command
OF speech the fair sex among,
That the language of our native land
Is known as the mother tongue.
IN. Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
NOT A SOFT MARK.

Bcggar-My story is sad one.
Old Gent-Well, you can't touch mo
with it.--Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1900-02-23
COMPREHENSIVE STATEMENT.

He-There are two periods in a
mans life when he never understands
women.
She-Indeed!
Hc-1es; before marriage and after.
Judy.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-02-06
Supposed to BE Slowly Moving To-
wards Ladysmith with $4,000 Men
and q Long Wagon Train.
IN CAPE COLONY
BRITISH DETERMINED TO INVADE
THE ORANGE FREE STATE.
Large Force Of Infantry ON the Way
to Siexe NOrvars POnt-BOerS at
Colesburg Surrounded.

LONDON, Feb. 6, 4 o'clock a. m.-Mili-
tary opinion in London continues to as
sumo, from very slender materials. that
General Butler is again throwing his army
against the Boer works retired general.
Sir William Henry Green. whose dis
tinguished career gives weight to his
opinion, thinks that General Butler, with
q, 900 men. is making a wide detour to the
west and north in order to avoid the
roughest parts of the country. AS General
Butler must have some thousands Of
wagons, Sir William Green points out that
the advance would necessary be slow. No
authentic word is at hand. save that the
War Office reaffirmed orally to newspaper
inquiries at a late hour that it could not
confirm the reported advance There the
Natal situation rests.
1t is from the western field that more
definite statements come. Large operations
are apparently about to begin. General
French, who has now returned to Rensburg
from his conference with Lord Roberts.
has sent what is described as an over
whelming force of infantry to seize Nor
vars pont. This is where the railway. be-
fore It was destroyed. crossed the Orange
river, and connected with the Free state
trunk line to Bioemfontein. NorvaPs
pont is nineteen miles north of Colesberg.
and twenty-five miles from General
French's headquarters at Rensburg. The
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-02-06

ish' commander-in-chief, protesting against
the destruction Of farmhouses and the dew
astation Of property. Lord Roberts. In re-
plying, declared the charges were not sus-
tanned, adding that wanton destruction of
property was contrary to British practices.
Following is the text of the protest,
which is dated Bloemfontein, Feb. 8:
I'VE learn from many sides that the
British troops, contrary to the recognized
usages of war. daily destroy property by
burning or dynamiting farmhouses and
devastating farms and the goods therein,
by means of which unprotected women and
children are often deprived OF food and
cover. This happens not only in places
where barbarians are encouraged by Brit
ish officers, but even in Cape Colony and
the Free States where white brigands
come out from the theater of war with the
evident intention of carrying on general
devastation without any reason recognized
by the customs Of war and without in any
way furthering the operations. We wish
earnestly to protest against such acts"
Lord Roberts. replying to-day, said: "I
beg to acknowledge the honor of your tele-
gram charging the British troops with the
destruction Of property contrary to the
recognized usages Of war and with
brigandage and devastation. These charges
are made in vague and general terms. No
specific case is mentioned. No evidence is
given. I have seen such charges made be-
fore now in the press. but in no case which
has come under my notice have they been
substantiated. The most stringent instruc-
tions have been issued to the British
troops to respect private property so far
as is compatible with the conduct Of mill
tary operations. All wanton destruction
and injury to peaceful Inhabitants are con-
trary to British practice and traditions
and will If necessary be vigorously re-
pressed by me. regret that your honors
should have seen fit to repeat this untrue
statement that barbarians have been en-
couraged by British officers to commit
depredations. In the only case in which
raid has been perpetrated by native sub
jects of the Queen the act was contrary
to the instructions Of the British officer
nearest the spot, and entirely disconnected
his operations. The women and children
taken prisoners by the natives were re-
stored to their homes by the agency OF the
British officer in question.
Il regret TO say tnat IL Is the republican
forces which are in some cases guilty OF
carrying on the war in manner not in ac-
cordance with civilized usage. / refer es-
pecially TO the expulsion Of loyal subjects
of her Majesty from their homes In the
invaded districts OF this colony because
they have refused to be commandered by
the invader. 1t is barbarous to attempt to
force men TO take sides against their own
sovereign and country by threats Of spola-
tion and expulsion Men. women and chill
dren have had to leave their homes owing
to such expulsion.
Many Of those who were formerly In
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-02-06
EVENTS OF THE DAY.
Mr.. Beckham Meets His Mother-Ef-
forts to Recruit Militia.

Mr.. Beckham Meets His Mother-Ef-
forts to Recruit Militia.
LOUISVILLE. KY. Feb. 5-The events
OF the day leading up to the conference
at the Calf House were not at all exciting.
Acting on the understanding reached last
night in Frankfort by the representatives
of the rival Governors, the Democratic
managers succeeded in reaching most of
the Democratic members of the Legisla-
ture who were expected to attend ses-
sion OF the General Assembly in this city
to-day and got them headed for Frank
fort. No session of the Legislature was
held here, but formal meeting was held
at Frankfort by the Democratic members,
who, without transacting any business,
adjourned until tomorrow. Meanwhile
Speaker Trimble, President of the Senate
L. H. Carter, Clerks Cromwell and Leigh
and Sergeant-at-arms Haley remained in
this city awaiting the result of the con-
ference which was expected to bring some
order out of the present condition of af-
fairs. They remained here over night, but
can easily reach Frankfort tomorrow
morning in time for a session If that
course is thought wise. During the early
were in state of perplexity. which was
Increased by the announcement from
Frankfort that Governor Taylor, contrary
to their understanding. had not revoked
his order convening the Legislature at
London. KY, tomorrow. When it was
learned. however, that Senator-elect
Blackburn and his associates were on their
way here to resume the negotiations for a
settlement which had been begun last mid
night at Frankfort they decided to stay
here and await developments.
The day was a busy one for Mr. Beck
ham. Arising early. he spent the first
hours of the day with close personal
friends in his apartments at the hotel.
Among those were Judge Frank Daugher-
ty. of Bardstown. the Governors home;
w. b. Kniskern. OF Chicago. general pas
senger agent of the Chicago & Northwest
ern, the Governors brother-in-law, and
some twenty or more Nelson county gen.
tlemen. At 1880 o'clock he started for the
residence of Col. James Fetter to see his
mother, Mrs. Julia Beckham. who came
down from Chicago this morning. 1t was
the first meeting between mother and son
since the latter had been sworn In as
Democratic Governor. Each was greatly
affected. After returning to his hotel
numerous important conferences occupied
the remainder of the day. A large number
OF kilograms and letters of congratulation
were received by the Governor. c. Z.
Smith. OF Culpepper. colonel of the Vir-
ginia State Guard, offered 800 men Ito see
justice meted out"
A good deal of interest centered about
Adjutant General Castleman and his new
National Guard. The general was not at
all well and was confined to his bed all
day. Recruiting for the battalion of the
first regiment which 1t had been decided to
raise was actively carried on. but beyond
this there was not much doing in this
branch OF the Democratic state govern
ment. the more peacefully trend OF events
having checked preparations OF this kind
CONTINUED ON THIRD PAGE.5
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-02-06

Beers at Colesberg have been in danger of
being surrounded by the largely reinforced
and extending lines of the British. An
occupation of Norval's pont in force would
presumably render Colesberg untenable.
The Beers are showing great activity in
the Naauwpoort and Colesburg districts.
Many of the guns hitherto facing Lord
Methuen are believed to have gone to Nor
walls pont. The British, therefore. may
The War Office announces that fifteen
transports will be despatched between to-
day and Monday with 1900 troops, includ-
ing the Fourth Cavalry Brigade. militia.
battalions and 5000 yeomanry.
A special dispatch from Durham, Natal.
dated yesterday, says: ''There is no def
mite news from General Butler, but 1t is
reported there was heavy fighting yester-
day."
Sir Alfred Miner, in a letter written
three weeks ago to the former lord mayor
Of Belfast, said the war would last three
or four months longer. Sir Alfred Miner
has sent most hopeful and encouraging
reports to the government regarding the
prospects Of the campaign, and it is un-
derstood that his views are shared by Lord
Roberts.
The censorship seems to have completely
shut down the correspondents at Spear
mans camp. No dispatch from that point
appears in this mornings papers and MOTH
ing has been allowed to issue since Sun
day evening.
A dispatch to the Times from Queens
town. Cape Colony. dated Monday. says:
General Brabant while addressing one of
the regiments of the colonial division on
parade yesterday said they were leaving
turn. he hoped. until the task intrusted to
him by Lord Roberts had been successfully
accomplished. He could not disclose the
plan Of operations. but If his intentions
were carried out the greatest glutton Of
fighting among them would have his hlI."
1t is understood the prize court at Dur
ban has decided to return me 925. 900 of
Transvaal gold seized last October on
board the steamer Avondale Castle in
Delagoa bay.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-02-06
MYSTERIOUS AS EVER.
Macrum Gives No Reason for Leaving
the Transvaal.

WASHINGTON, Feb. 5.-Mr. Macrum
has come and gone, and the reason for his
leaving Pretoria when duty seemed 10 de-
mand his presence at that capital remains
as deep mystery as ever, and must so re-
main, probably for another week. The ex-
consurs appearance was awaited at the
State Department with interest. Just be-
fore noon Representative Tayler, of whose
congressional district Mr.. Macrum is resi-
dent, called at the department and spent
some time in conference with Assistant
Secretary HILL and was followed about $3.50
o'clock by Mr.. Macrum, who came alone.
Secretary Hay, who had had an exhaust
ing day, had gone, so the ex-consul was
obliged to pay his respects to DR.. Hill. His
stay was short, about twenty minutes per-
haps, and he left DR.. Hill as much in the
dark as ne had been before as to Mr..
Macrum's motive for leaving Pretoria
Nor did it develop whether or not Mr..
Macrum was the bearer of any message
from Kruger. He did not mention the
subject to DR.. HILL He said he was tired
very tired; he had been five weeks on the
sea and road. travelling constantly. and
begged for time in which to prepare him.
self to report. He said nothing as to the
reasons for appearing in Washington. but
asked that he be permitted to go to his
home in East Liverpool. o.. for few days
to attend to some matters OF business
which were pressing and TO rest.
DR.. Hfll had no objection Mr.. Macrum
promised to be back here soon; perhaps be-
fore the end of the present week. and said
he then would make formal report to the
State Department. Leaving DR.. Hill. Mr..
Macrum went to the consular bureau and
secured the assent of Acting Chief Carr
to a postponement OF the settlement Of his
accounts until his next visit TO Washing
ton. To Mr.. Carr also Mr.. Macrum said
nothing to throw light on his motives.
AS he left the State Department he as
sured the newspaper men who stopped him
that If he had any statement at all to
make to the press land he was not sure
that he should ,have). he probably would
make 1t public upon his return to Wash
ington.
Some of the persons here who were IA
miliar with his appearance when he first
went out to the Transvaal said that he
looked very much broken and lacked the
vim that formerly characterized him.
At 7:3o tonight he left here for his home
in Ohio
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-02-06
wILKINsON's VIEWS.
He Thinks General French Is Prepnr-
ing for an Advance.

He Thinks General French Is Prepnr-
ing for an Advance.
LONDON, Feb. 6.-Spencer Wilkinson,
in the Morning Post, says: "The tide is be-
ginning 20 turn In the western theater of
the war 1t looks as though General French
had been reinforced, perhaps by General
Chermside's brigade. This would be the
beginning of a systematic direction of the
campaign. When General French has dis
posed of the enemy forming his present
objective, his force will be available for
other operations"
Detailing possible operations Of Generals
French, Kelly-Kenny and Gatacre. Mr..
Wilkinson says: There is now a prospect
that in two or three weeks the British
forces will be holding the passes of the
Orange river, repairing the bridges and
collecting all the requisites for the advance
northwards, to begin as soon as Lord Rob-
erts sees his way to order the movement.
There are now more than enough troops
between the coast and Orange river to
form three infantry divisions and a cav
airy division, without counting either the
coloniaI mounted troops or five militia bat
talions which can be used to relieve regu-
lar battalions on lines of communication.
Lord Methuen's three brigades make a
further addition that might ultimately be
utilized.
Mr.. Wilkinson then proceeds to urge the
government to make every preparation
against emergencies at home. and particu-
larly to put the volunteers and all the
available forces in the most complete con-
dition for service. If needed. He recon-
mends rearming volunteer batteries of
position with the best modern guns and, in
short, the organization and equipment of
the available forces rather than hasty en-
deavors to recruit unframed men.