The Chanute times. [volume] (Chanute, Kan.) 1897-1913, 1900-06-15
BRYAN'S SECOND BATTLE


friends by pretending to be a
prophet great prophet. AT any
rate | am not of the veil nor the
seventh son of the seventh son. II
claim no corner on occult wisdom.
Nature never provided me with Sec
ond sight, and / never dreamed in
my life--not even when as todd
ling youngster, sailed, obviously,
nocturnal seas of brine. have
been no patron of a modern Del
phi, and no Johnstone has revealed
to me the future after a squint at
my warty palms and crooked phal-
anges. have seen fit to seek no
Concannon or other Spiritualistic
fakir, in order to have him careful
ly collect from the ETHEREAL void the
billion or so atoms of my "control-
ling spirit" (said to be Dago friar),
that he might come prancing from
calico cabinet in flowing cassock to
inoculate me with the mysteries of
the great unknown. l have no spec
ial permit to thumb the entry book
of things to be, nor to drag aside
the portieres and spy upon the ce-
lestial Office force as they catalogue
the antics of Tom, Dick and Harry
to be acted out hereafter. My pro-
phetic narratives are, therefore,
based upon simple presentiment
and while, perhaps, not so attract
i've and multi-colored as the yarns
of the phantasamagoria chaser, l
hope they may have some weight
for bearing the earmarks of deduc-
tion from common logic.
So, therefore, I prophesy, that on
the 4th day of July, sin the year of
the vulgar era" 1900, in obedience
to a royal edict issued from the
mouth of the Chicago river, multi
tudes will assemble at Convention
hall, the circus maximus, transform
ed by the assemblage into the me-
nagerie glganticus of Kansas City,
U. S. A. Mr.. Johnson, the great
zoologist, will succeed in collecting
together and stabling in Convention
hall ON this day, representative
specimen of each branch of the fam
lily genus damphoolicus extant in
America. There will be the Hogg
led gang from Texas, the anti-Sena-
bambians of Gawgy and the Cali
mas; the wild silvereens from the
Rockies; the 1mperialistic maniacs
from Yankeedom; the bewhiskered
patriots of the middle-west and the
bourbons, headed by begad sab,
majah sab, from Kentucky. After
the mammoth hall is filled with
delegates, heelers, rooters and en-
thusiasts, the band will strike up
"Dixie" and the stuccatto measures
will be carried to ten thousand ears
accompanied by the shuff1ing of
as many feet. Loud laughter, halls
of recognition, bantering shouts and
cheers, along with the stamping of
feet, pounding of canes and UNI
brellas, will make up medley of
sound which will drown all, save
the aroma of "McBriar's 'S4" and
Arkansaw "white mule" exhaled
from a thousand pairs of lungs to
be waited on the breeze like nectar
of the gods. Bang huge mallet
will fall upon the table on the stage
and an important parsonage with de-
termined mein will survey the surg
ing multitude, which will slow down
by degrees, like an express train
stopping at way station, and then
come 10 attention-like soldiers on
parade. The call having been read,
Jimmie Reed, the mayor, will ap-
pear upon the stage and welcome
the convention to Kansas City, with
an address which will live in history
as a gem of pork packing oratory.
After Mr.. Reed will come the band
and following the band a parade of
thoroughbreds, trotting out for ora
torical review. The first day will
be one of speech-making and hi
larity. The dry bones of Jefferson
will be ratified in the coffin to call
forth applause; Maria Halpin's erst-
while sweetheart will be referred to
occasionally; but the mighty thund-
ers of Niagara would be drowned
beside the awful roar of applause
which will follow the simple men,
ton of Bryan's name.
On the second day, at nine in the
morning, the convention will again
assemble. There will be some en-
thusiam, but much coughing, sneez-
ing and blowing of noses-the wa
ter supply of the hall will be found
inadequate. The committees will
submit their reports; that on resolu-
tions, handing in a lengthy docu-
ment, which, stripped of cumber-
some verbiage and useless frills will
be about as follows: