davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

Dealer-Here, sir, is very superior bird.
1t will mimic anything!
PurchaSer-Polly, want cracker?
eyes. I'm a hollow mockery!'-N. Y.
Press
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

"Yes'm, we claim that's the best tinware
in the world. Just look at the condition of
that pail What about it?" That pail,
ma am, was attached to the tail of a dog
who, ran II miles with it!'-Cleveland Plain
Dealer
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

When Conditions Rule.-"Do you swear
or affirm" asked the clerk. at depends
entirely upon the provocation," replied the
witness.-Philadelphia North American.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

Moves the bowels each day. In order to
be healthy this is necessary. Acts gently on
the liver and kidneys. Cures sick head
ache. Price 25 and Soc.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12
VIA IKoN f1oQNT GIN ReVTE

The Worlds Sanitarium and All-Year-Round Pleasure
Resort reached only this line. Elegant Kotelsi
Sublime Scenery; Delightful Climate: Healing Hot
Springs Pullman Buffet Sleeping Cars without change
from st. Louis. Reduced Round Trip Rates all year
round from all coupon points IN the o. s. and Canada
gs-For descriptive and illustrated pamphlet, write
Company's agents, H. c. TOWNSEND, Genorn
Passenger and Ticket Agent, ST. LOUIS. MO.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12
Coughing Leads to Consumption.

Kemp's Balsam will stop the Cough at
once. Go to your druggist to-day and get a
sample bottle free. Large bottles % and so
cents. Go at once; delays are dangerous.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

Wee are the people-the Bushmen.-Yale
Record.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

They say you used to be one of the fast
est fellows out" said one Jail bird. Eyes"
and now I'm one of the fastest in."-PhGl.
adelphia Bulletin.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

I Texas is the greatest pecan nut
growing state in the union. 1t pro-
duces two-thirds of the pecan nuts
that are marketed.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

Don't judge mans prospects by his pre-
ensions.-Chicago Dispatch.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

Some men quarrel so much that after
awhile they think they enjoy it.-Washing
ton Qa.) Democrat.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

Hoodoe ved.-"This won't do" ex.
claimed Mrs. Box, excitedly, there's 10 at
table" Never mind, ma" shouted little
johnnie, 81 kin eat fur two. STRAY Stories.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12

Humanity's desire for revenge is illus
trated in making the goat butt of ridicule.
Chicago Dispatch
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12
Lanes Family Medicine,

The best diplomat is too sharp to be cut
ting.-Chicago Dispatch.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12
Planning TO Paper This Spring?

There Is nothing
that will 50 COM.
PLETELY Trans
form your HOME In
point Of HEALTH
and BEAUTYasour
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12
SELECT
WALL
pAp EP

We carry ALL the
latest designs at pop
ulsr prices, from 81
to 50 cent, per single
roll. Our large trade
enables US to handle
the complete lire IN
CARLOAD LOTS,
hence we can price
ALL grades ,urpris-
ingly Low. A full
liue Of Samples sent,
all charger prepaid,
EHEE tfr,on reouast
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1900-04-12
ALABASTINE

Prevents much sickness, particularly throat
and lung difficulties, attributable to unsanitary
coatings on walls. 1t has been recommended
In paper published by the Michigan State
Board of Health on account Of its sanitary
features; which paper strongly condemned
kalsomines. Alabastine can DO used on either
plastered walls, wood ceilings, brick or canvas,
and any one can brush it on. It admits of radi-
cal changes from wall paper decorations, thus
occurring at reasonable expense the latest and
best effects. Alabastine is manufactured by the
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
Long Distance TIcI.ets wanted.

He was long, lean. lank and raw
boned. and he shambled up to the tick
ct window at the Union passenger sta
tion much after the fashion of scared
canine when he approaches his master
to receive a well earned thrashing. He
got as far as the outside railing and
stood there with bashful blush gaz-
Ing at the man behind the brass bars.
Come In. come in. Make yourself at
home" was the. encouraging welcome
from within. He accepted the invita-
ton and brought up against the marble
ticket counter with more confidence In
his face.
"Say. thar" he said in half whisper
to Harry Hansen, sis this the place
where you get tickets for the kyars?
Eyes. Where do you want TO go?
Hurry up; we're rushed"
"Well, SIR" he replied, shifting a
square inch Of plug tobacco from one
cheek to the other, "hev you all got
emmy long distance tickets inter Ken
tuckyT
His case was equaled by that of the
old lady with the sunbonnet who said:
II want ticket to Platte county"
"What place In Platte county~ in
quired the ticket man.
mo place In Platte county. / want
to go to Platte county. and It's none of
your business. where I'm going to visit.
You sell me the ticket to Platte county,
and Ill get there."-St. Joseph News.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
A Curinus Coincidencs.

The letters 20 n" might be supposed
to possess mysterious charm, as they
form the Termination of many of the
most distinguished names In history.
No other letters of the alphabet will
furnish SO remarkable coincidence as
may be found in the following list
made up from ancient and modern
names: Aaron, Solomon, Agamemnon,
Solon. Blon. Phocion. Bacon, Newton,
Johnson, Addison, Crichton, Person,
Button, Mcntfaucon. Tillotson. Fene-
Ion, Massillon. Warburton. Leighton,
Lytton, Walton, Anacreon, Ben JON
son, Milton. Byron, Thomson, Tenny-
son, Anson, Washington, Napoleon,
Wellington. etc.
a Greek scholar has called attention
to very curious coincidence about the
name Of Napoleon. If you tnke away
the first letter Of his name. you have
"apoleon;' take away the first letter OF
that word, and you have ''poleon;" dc
this successively down to the, last syl-
liable. and you have 'leon," icon" and
"on." Put these several words togeth,
er in this order, Napoleon on oleon leon
con apoleon poleon, and you have a
Greek phrase the literal translation of
which Is Napoleon, being the lion of
peoples, went about destroying cities
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
The Court Needed Posting.

trial was progressing at the City
Hall police court when the judge espied
In group Of young girls mingling In
the large audience delinquent wit.
ness whom it was urgent he interview.
"Mr. Marshall" his honor exclaimed
shave that young lady step here"
(Which young lady, your honor"
IT don't know her name - the one
with the light straw hat and dark
skirt" the court added. The clew was
insufficient.
"What kind Of waistT inquired tn
marshal.
"Ruffle on the sleeves and trimmed
with-er-the usual sort of what d'you
call en-" said the court.
~ understand. You mean leg Of NUT
ton sleeves. with-er-what's his name
attachments" replied the marshal in
faint hope Of striking the technical
term.
"No; not exactly" said the Judge.
would you recognize an empire
gown If you saw one, Mr.. MARSHALL
upon oath, no; wouldn't swear to
It."
"Well. / know 1t wasn't an empire
gown or a Mother Hubbard. don't
think you understand much about fe'
male apparel"
But here the young lady generously
stepped forward, while little boy
laughed, and the marshal threatened
to send him to the penitentiary for life
st. Louis Post-Dlspatch.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
Painful Results Of stoutne.s.

A stout man lifted himself into a
Heights car the other morning and took
the only vacant seat. Pretty soon
lady came aboard. and the stout man
quickly arose to tender her his place.
AS he reached standing position the
car suddenly started. and he sat down
with sound like broken slat. Blush
ing deeply. he once more struggled to
his feet and was about to step out into
the aisle when the Ihotorman saw n
wagon on the track and fercely ap-
piled the brakes. The car stopped so
suddenly that the stout man doubled
over on thin young man In the front
seat and almost cracked his dslender
neck. The young man pushed the dents
out of his derby hat and muttered
some remarks that were not compli-
mentary to fat people in general.
Then the fat man braced himself for
the third time, and the lady sympathet-
ically remarked, please don't trouble
yourself" But the fat mans spirit
was up. He crowded out into the aisle
and filed 1t so full that the lady could
not get by him; then, with polite
wave Of his hand, he indicated the seat
and backed out of the way.
"Thank you" said the lady very
sweetly. But l get Off at the next
stop"
Then the fat man went out and filed
up the back plntform.-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07

hoy who spent niost OF his time in th,
studios watching the artists draw ant
paint and wishing he could do th,
same.
"What kind of pencils do you user
he said one day, and they gave him
one Of the kind. That night he tried to
make n figure he had seen one of the
artists draw, It seemed so easy. But
he could not do the same Kind of work.
perhaps I haven't the right kind of
paper" he reasoned II will get a
piece tomorrow" Even the right kind
of paper did not help him any.
81 need a studio and an easel" was
his next conclusion. II have the de-
sire; surely all need now are the
necessary surroundings"
A few years of impatient waiting
passed before he secured the "neces-
sary surroundings" and when he had
them all and still found 1t impossible
to draw the truth dawned upon him.
81 know what Is wrong" he cried,
throwing down his pencil 81 know
nothing Of the principles Of art.
must learn them first"
He was still young when his name as
a great painter was known on two con-
tinents. He had learned the "princi.
ple." A bit Of brown paper and n
burned match would then enable him
to draw as easily as all the art essen
tials.-Ann Partlan in Success.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07

The prudent man never buys the
fruit which Is marked with the highest
prices. and his motive Is not merely
economy. He knows that the second
grade fruit Is ripper than the most ex-
pensive, which In nine cases out Of ten
Is too green to be eaten Immediately.
1t is held Mt high prices because the
dealer knows that 1t will keep, and as
II rlpens and grows better fit for hui
man consumption its price will be re-
duced. That Is the stage Of the fruit
when the price Is lowered for the first
time. 1t is then ripe and in condition
to be eaten. And the prudent man who
doesn't always feel that he has got The
best article only when no pays the
most for It buys his fruit at the marked
down price.--New York Sun.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
rhe rr.ar. NJ sae,otx

tnt CfEOTH OF Society.
The dark blots that divorce makes II
society are too easily seen and too sac
to write much about, so | will give
only few Incidents of the absurd anf
hurniliating positions in which peopl
may be placed: once occupied sea
on the grand stand at the Newport Ca
sino during a tennis match. After
had been in my seat short time, a
man knew, once divorced, but remnr.
ried, came In with his new wife and
occupied the two seats on my left, and
q few moments later the woman from
whom he had been divorced and who
had also remarked came in with her
new husband and sat directly on my
right. Whether the ticket agent ar.
ranged this for a joke I am not pre-.
pared to say, but all went we'll until ]
grew tired Of the game and got up
leaving the four In a straight row
which made an interesting picture fol
a few moments. The four soon realiz
ed, however, what people were staring
and smiling at. and. looking daggers
at one another. Immediately rose and
disappeared In the crowd. The incl
dent amused the lads and misses very
much
A lady know very well In New
York, who was giving dinner party
told me she always dreaded the ar.
ranging Of her guests at her tables
lest she put people together whom the
"law had set apart" as she put it
ut would be perfectly dreadful to seat
a gentleman beside lady to whom he
Is paying alimony."-Smart Set.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
II Was Scratched.

''Years ago In California" said a
western man, IAN acquaintance of
mine was on stagecoach that pair
of bandits went through. The Ii pas
sengers were all made to get out and
stand in row, with their hands high
over their heads. One burly rutiian
stood guard over them with a double
barreled shotgun, while the other en-.
gagged in the pleasing task OF relieving
them OF their vaiuables and spare
cash. -f
My friend was nearest the man
with the shotgun. While the ceremo'
nies were In progress his nose began ID
itch. and instinctively he started to
lower one hand to scratch II. Hands
up, there! came the stern order, and
his hand went automatically back into
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
Holding His job For Him.

'Of all the excuses | have ever heard
from people for not paying their bills"
said a collector for a prominent. firm
the other day. II got the neatest today
from very wealthy man who always
owes the house bill. No matter
whether the bill is for $40 or 500, be
always pays So | have gone back the
next week and got So more, and once l
went back twice in one week. and he
paid me $5 each time and seemed glad
to see me. got to know him pretty
well, and the other day asked him
why he did not pay 1t all, as | knew he
had the money
"'Well, said the old fellow, If pay
you everything owe you at one time
you will collect SO fast that pretty soon
you will be out of job for the want of
something to collect
81 don't know whether that was his
reason or not. but | let the subject drop
and am just going around there now
Tor another S5.'-- Memphis Scimitar.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07

Failure" says Keats, "is. in sense,
the highway to success, inasmuch as
every discovery of what is false leads
us to seek earnestly after what Is true,
and every fresh experience points out
some form of error which we shall
afterward carefully avoid"
Defeats and failures have played a
great part in the history Of success.
1t Is not pleasant to think that more
or less OF defeat Is absolutely neces-
sary to great success. But that il is
true every student Of history knows.
Defeats and failures are great devel-
opors Of character, Tney are the gym
nasla which have strengthened the
muscles of manhood, the stamina, the
backbone which have won victories.
They have made the giants OF the race
by giving titanic muscles, brawny
sinows, far reaching intellects.
low true 1t is that poverty often
hidos her charms under ugly masks!
Thousands have been forced into great
ness by their very struggle to keep
the wolf from the door. She is often
the only agent nature can employ TO
call a man out of himself and push
him on toward the goal which she had
fitted him TO reach, Nature cares little
for his ease and pleasure. 1t is the
man She Is after, and she will pay any
price or resort to any expedient 10
lure him on. She masks her own ends
in mans wants and urges him onward,
oftentmes through difficulties and OBJ
stacles which are well nigh disheart'
enlng, but ever onward and upward
toward the goal.-Register.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
The Upham- -Brouse Co.

1t will cost to enable them To do so.
Ruhlin has determined not to lie idle
longer, so he has engaged Denver Ed.
Martin as sparring pastner, and he is
going on tour In which he will agree
to stop all comers in four rounds" or
forfeit a handsome monetary oonsid-
Grafton. This is Billy Madden's great
act one OF his own invention, aud
II Is one which has earned many n
dollar for champions, big and little.
| hope II may add materially to Rub.
Inns bank account,
THE D(UBS) DO EN-
Last nights scores between the p
and i teams were as follows:
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07

place. But that itching redoubled, and
again he cssayed the relievefuI
scratch.
"'say. what's the matter with you.
anyhow demanded the hlghwayman.
Are you wishful to become a lead
miner MY nose itches so can't
stand 1t any longer tearfully explain
ed my friend. 4 simply have got to
scratch it, No, you hain't,' ingram
matically corrected the knight of the
road. cause I'll do 1t for you'
"And with that he proceeded to
scratch the offending nasal organ with
the muzzle Of his shotgun You can
wager your shoes that that particular
nose stopped itching with great abrupt
naaaO
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
Gnunod,s onininn.

Music is the most beautiful art, but
II Is the most detestable profession.
But is not thot right? That which he
longs most to heaven should fare worst
on earth.
The public moves much faster than
the individual, and therefore the indi-
vidual must place himself before his
age If he desires not to be behind it.
Wagner has some idea of this sort. 1t
is n necessity which every true artist
must realize. Great men may be said
to be for every age save their own.
Small men are for their own and none
"Reminiscences" in Macmil-
lan's.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
renpy.on nnd sight.eer..

Teppyson's well known aversion to
sightseers and their ways gave rise to
many an odd experience. Once, 1t Is
said, he complained to Queen Victoria,
saying that he could no longer stay In
the Isle of Wight owing to the tourists
who came TO stare at him.
The queen, with kindly irony, said
that she herself did not suffer much
from that grievance. But Tennyson,
taking her literally, replied In the same
strain.
mo, madam" said he. "and If could
clap a sentinel wherever liked I
should not be troubled either"
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
ARe.ourcefuI Waiter.

A very rich but mlserly gentleman
was In the habit of dining daily at n
certain restaurant, but he never tip
ped the waiter who attended to his
wants. One day the long suffering
waiter asked the gentleman 'if he
would condescend to accept his (the
waiter's| Photograph
"What for?' was the query.
81 thought it might make you re-
member the walter SIR" was the quick
reply.--London Tit-Bits.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07

A notice which attracts the attention
Of many sojonrners In New Hamp-
shire town is posted on the wall Of the
little railway station. The paper on
which It Is printed bears evidence of
long and honorable service:
Notice: Loafng either in or about
this room is strictly forbidden, and
must be observed.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
AG,ent vetl,l,e.

81 have used Chnmber'aln's Collie,
Cholera and Dlauhoea Remedy and
find II to be great medicine" says
Mr.. E. s. Phipps, of Poteau, Ark. "It
cured me of bloody hux. / cannot
speak too highly Of IT," This remedy
always wins the good opinion, II not
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
The CONGREGATION smiled.

A certain clergyman when preaching
extemporaneously touched on the SUBJ
tect of miracles. Some people, he said,
had difficulty in accepting the miracu-
lous stories OF the Bible. as, for ex-
ample, the story of the. speech that
Balaams ass made to his master.
Looking solemnly at the congrega-
tion the preacher hammered In his con-
tentlon with the remark. why should
not God make an ASS to speak he
made me to speak. New York Trib-
une.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
Recommends It to Trainmen.

G. II. Hausan, Lima, O., engineer
l.. y. g. w. r.. r., writes; II have
been troubled a great deal with back,
ache. ! was induced to, try Foley's
Kidney Cure, and one bottle entirely
relieved me. l gladly recommend II
to any one, especially my friends
among the trainmen, who are usually
similarly afflicted"
]. NJ. Laher, J. Lamparter & Co.,
A. Warner.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
Her Mind Eaay.

"I hear you are going to Australia
with your husband, Kitty" said the
mistress, Aren't you nxvous about
the long voyage"
"Well, ma'am." said Kitty calmly,
'that's his lookout. belong to him
now, and II anything happens to me
it'll be his loss. not mine."- Exchange.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
rnforcca the nnIc..

Museum Atiepdaiit You'll place lave
your umbreller, or cane at the door.
sor. 80.
vistor-'very proper regulation. But
II happens haye neither.
Attendant-Then 10 and get wan.
No one Is allowed TO enter unless he
laves his umbreller or cane at the door.
You may read the card for yourself.
sor!-London TitYBits.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07

The u team captured the first game
by 80 pins and the second game by
only pins The + team bowled n
very lucky game, as Is evidenced by
the totals of strikes and spares, else
they would have heen defeated by
nearer l63 than only 6S in the totals
for the two games. Next Wednes.
dsy evening the b and G teams Will
continue the debate,
FALLS TEAMS CHALLENGE,
The Second High eleven of Cuyaho.
ga Falls challenges any Akron team
of average 100 pound weight 10 n
game OF foot hall. Address box 3o7,
Cnyahoga Falls
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07

praise, Of those who use It., Tha
quick cures which 1t effects even in the
most severe cases make It a favorite
everywhere. For sale by all druggists,
II. Steinbacher g. Co., wholesale agents.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
His Ambition Realized.

Blobbs-- When he was little boy, be
was always singing 81 Want TO Be an
Angel"
Slobbs-And he died young, sup
pose
Blobbs-To; but he's had his wish
gratified. He's backing Transformers
Colossal Aggregation of International
Etars.-Philndelphi Record.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
Az II usunlIy Hnpncns.

III suppose you had careful rearing,
Mr., Courtney"
mo; didn't have any rearing Mt al.
My parents exhausted all their disclpli-
nary enthusiasm on my elder brother,
Bill."-Detroit Free Press.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-11-07
MENTAL INDIGESTION.


----
met an aged gentleman
Who scritbled for The press,
Who greeted NE in accents sad
And evident distress.
Cried he: The public palate, sir.
I've ticklcd now for years
With a very plant goose Quill
(And a pair OF oft9e shears).
81 mind the tl,ne when could write.
With unimpassioned pen,
Events Of general interest that
Took place within my ken,
And. though the time is distant. SIR.
recollect ,he days
When readers were contcnted
With truth in simple phrase.
"But now your paper you may print,
But who tho deuce will buy its
No one, unless you can ooncoct
A strong. unwholesome diet.
Trustworthy news is out OF date.
And nobody will take It,
Unless you get practiced hand
Judiciously to fake it,
'"Ihe consequence is simply this
don't think there's question:
But every one is suffering
From mental Indigestion.
TITS natures law that every boom
Is followed by a slump.
As states Of widest rapture are
Succeeded by the bump.
''And thus the public appetite
Has been SO grossly sated
That now Il Just declines to have
Its palate titillated.
'Tis sick Of national Affairs,
However large they loom;
'Tis tired Of the windy puf
And double headline boom.
''To such sspiteh the thing has got
That people now refuse
To read a word about the Beers
or glance at Chinese news.
The only thing that keeps us from
Going bankrupt altogether
IA printing long reports Of the
Unprecedented weather."
Pune