davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

Say" remarked Wragson Tatters.
looking up from the old newspaper
which he had been reading, did yer
ever lose yer appetizer"
well" replied Elton Wrun, 81 did
just onct. One day in '97 got what
calls a square meal, an fur mebbe Is
minutes alter it didn't have no appe-
tite at ll.-Philadelphia Press.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

everything to me. l feel healthy and
we'll, but If l should be sick would
know what to take. have taken sew
eral bottles for female complaint. l
am in the change of life and it does
me good"
Have you catarrh of the head, throat,
lungs, stomach or any other organ of
the body? If SO, write to DR.. Hart
man at once. He will send you direc-
lions for treatment without charge.
Address DR.. Hartman, Columbus, o.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
To Be Tried Again.

The thief had been caught, red
handed, but he feigned innocence new
ertheless.
+. Hal" exclaimed the policeman.
you're around again, eh?" l thought
they put you away"
? mo. The judge said he give me an
other trial"
"Oh, he did? Come along then; we'll
let him keep his word" -Philadelphi
Press.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

what time will you be home, dear?"
asked the young wife as her husband
started down town after breakfast"
ooh, about l t. m, | guess" was
the reply
"You mean l p. m, don't you?" she
asked.
NO" replied the heartless wretch,
II mean just what said t. m. to-
morrow; see?"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
She Was So Surprised.

I've something impawtant ts--an-
say to you" began young Cholly Sap
wit, who had determined, at length, to
propose, something which-ah-may
suhpwize you. l think-ah-Miss
Peppwey-"
well, WE'LL" exclaimed Miss Pepp-
rey. THAT certainly does surprise
me-"
! For once Cholly thought also, and
on second thought he decided not to
propose.-P Press.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Well defined,

A little boy was asked the other day
what was meant by sins Of omission.
He astutely replied, without any hes
litation: Those we have forgotten to
commit" This almost equals the little
girls definition Of faith as believing
something we know isn't true
Household Words.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Disabled.

There's man I'm sorry for"
"He does seem to be in pretty bad
way. Paralyzed, isn't he?"
Eyes. Paralysis is bad in any case,
but it affects him more seriously than
lit would most people,"
why so?"
you see he's been a teacher Of
French. Now he has had to quit it.
He can't wiggle his shoulders. Chi
cago Times-Herald.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Good Evidence to Him.

Mrs. Thinkhard-Of late years the
spread of intelligence among all classes
has been simply wonderful.
Old BaSheAOr-Yes, notice there has
been a great falling off in the number
of marriages.-Stray Stories.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

Amiable Hostess-"Well, now you
are here l hope you will stay to lunch
with me-
Gushing Visitor-"Oh, thank you so
much, dear Mrs. Browne, if we may.
(To daughter): There, Vera, won't that
be delightful? Such a pleasant sur
prise for you"
Severely Truthful Child-"Not sur
prise, mother. You know you said
Mrs. Browne must ask US to lunch If
we only stopped long enough
Punch.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Got Out of 1t CheapIy.

"You saved my life, and whatever
you ask for I'll give you!"
THANK epu, sir! I'm a poor man,
and if you help me with SIS l should
! be greatly obliged"
"You value my life at only SIS? Clear
out, you shameless fellow! l won't
give anything to any one who would
insult me sou
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

for four months, and the doctors could
help me but little. They operated on
me three times. 1t was very painful
and l only obtained little relief. was
so weak could not turn in bed. Then
/ applied to DR.. Hartman. l did not
know whether he could help me or not,
but | followed his advice, and used only
three bottles Of Pe-ru-na and Mar-a-
lin. Now l am well and as strong as
ever was, thanks to your remedies"
Pelvic catarrh has become so frequent
that most women are more or less
afflicted with it. 1t is usually called
female disease"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

Whaling is still profitable to Judge
from the recent meeting of Dundee
company (Scotland) engaged in this
enterprise. The whaler Diana came
back some time ago from so successful
a trip that it is calculated that the
profits to the shareholders will be
about 1870 per cent.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

Columbus, Ohio.
Mrs. Margar-
e t h a Dauben,
No. 1914 North
Superior street,
r a C | n e City,
Wis. says: 81 feel
so well and good
a n d healthful
now that pen
can not describe
it. Pe-ru-na Is
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
He Should be Gagged.

Jingo-"I tell you when it comes to
treacherous tactics the Filipinos leads
the band. He's bird"
Bingo-"That's right. and from our
standpoint bird in the hand Is worth
two in the ambush. philadelphia
Press.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Public Story rsllers.

Public story-tellers still earn a good
livelihood in Japan. In Toxic 600 of
them ply their trade, provided with a
small table, fan and paper wrap
per to illustrate and emphasize the
points of their tales.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Explained.

81 must confess to a great deal OF
egotism," said Willie Washington.
Indeed" responded Miss Cayenne
Yes. l think about myself entirely
too much"
80, that isn't egotism. That's mere
ly the usual human tendency to worry
over trifes. '-Washington Star.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Liability of Street Car Companies.

The supreme court of Minnesota has
held in a recent case that street rail-
way company is liable because of in
Jury to a passenger caused by exposure
to danger from over-crowded cars. Tho
case in point was that of man who
was pushed off crowded platform and
injured,
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

81 believe we mothers cannot be too
careful. Whenever there is any diff
Guilty between my husband and me, l
send the children outdoors imme-
diately."
VERY prudent; but on the other hand
is it good for the children to be obliged
to be on the streets from morning to
night?"-New York World.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Helping tho Heather.

Bred Williams, l thought you said
de collection wuz tuck up fer de starv-
In heathens?"
$50 did, suh-so I did; but been
wrastlin' in pra'r bout 1t ever since, en-
it's now my opinion dat dem heathens
is chuck full. en- any mo- would give
'em de indigestion"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Its Different There

women should have their rights"
said she, with some spirit.
True he replied, "but in crowd
ed trolley car, for instance, they're not
willing to stand up for them."-Catho-
lie Standard and Times.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

Husband-"Er-my dear, there Ia 60
ing to be a very mportant-er-elec-
ton at my club tonight, and l may"
Wife-"Very well. I'll wait up to
hear the returns"
"Um-er-are you interested in the
returns?"
"Yes-your returns. New York
Weekly.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Voluntary Offer.

I'm goin' down east, Limpy."
"Wot for, Weary?"
There's fellow down there some
where's that's experimental with tn
idee of provin' that alcohol amt food.
an l want to be his horrible example"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

when, through her own careless
ness, l discovered that she wore false
hair, lost all love for her." said
Handy.
Alas! He was not the first man
wrecked by misplaced switch.-Phil-
adelphia North American.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
He Understood,

"Now, Johnnie, do you understand
thoroughly why l am going to whip
you?"
"Yes'm. You're in bad humor this
morning and you've got to lick some
one before you feel satisfied. Tit
Bits.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Another British Cable.

One Of the benefits accruing to Can
ada from the war is the increased
probability of an all British cable.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Homo Training Best.

who won that long-distance walk
ing match?"
"Spriggins."
HE did! Who was his trainer?"
His baby."-Stray Stories.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Partly Experience.

do you believe in mental tele-
graphy?"
Yes; when I'm late to dinner
know exactly what my wife will say
when l get there"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
OUR BUDGET OF FUN
SOME GOOD JOKES ORIGINAL
AND SELECTED.

A Variety of Quips, GIbes and Ironies
to Cause Smile - Flotsam and
Jetsam from the Tide of HumOr-
Witty Sayings.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Faulty Construction.

"De Smithers says he is the architect
of his own fortune"
Eyes, but it's probably lucky for
him that the building inspector didn't
happen around while he waS making
it."-Puck.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
An Insinuation.

Somebody wants to know why wo-
men fall in love with inferior men"
"Why don't you try that conundrum
on your wife ?"-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

The armless wonder is forced to be
handy with his feet
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
Discreet Constancy.

1--WE never get tired of baked apples
at the place where l live"
"You don't?"
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
MISS CLARA STOECKER.

Miss Clara Stoecker says: Il had
chronic catarrh for over year. tried
many remedies, bat found no relief I'M
til saw an advertisement in the paper
of your treatment for chronic catarrh.
I tried 1t and think l am now we'll.
I recommend Pe-ru-na to all my
friends who are afflicted with catarrh." y,
Miss Stoecker lives at Pittsburg, Pa.
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

No; we know II we did we'd get
prunes."
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20

Mrs. Margar-
| Fritz, Wilcox.
Ia, writes: II
tend my sin
e thanks for
. good advice
u have given
me. l do
4 not believe
II l would be
II living now
II If it were
II n OF for
- you. l had
S u fl e r ed
with flow
of blood
Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1900-04-20
HISS ANNIE WYANDOTTE.

Miss Annie Wyandotte, queen of
the operate stage and dramatic So
prano, says:
ssIIiftootath md IankSnn Awe
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20
labor is always in demand at fail

labor is always in demand at fair
wages.
The houses are all large, frame or
brick, with brick foundations and
cellars of brick cemented ON the
inside. All have tireplaces. The negro
cabins are small which is all / can say
except that some of them look neat.
Oysters are plenty and as large as
the large Indian river clans. They
sell for $1.00 per bushel. Fish abound
in the rivers.
We are on the peninsula between
the York and James rivers, one mile
from York river and six miles from
Williamsburg, where stands an old
church which Washington has attend
ed. The old breastworks of the rebels
still can be seen. Yesterday five of us
went to Yorktown, our county seat,
thirteen miles distant, in sail-boat.
1t was the first time have been to
any town since | came here. There
are many places of interest there,
among others, a large monument to
commemorate the surrender of Corn
wallis, old forts and Notifications.
The whole trip was full of new things
to us but rather old in history, both
in the Civil War and the Reyolu-
tionary War.
Much more might be said, but / will
refrain for lack of space.
Very truly yours,
THOMAS HYNES.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20
FROM VIRGINIA.
An interesting Letter from a For
mer P. D. Correspondent.
Oak Tree, Va, Jan. Is. 1900,

Oak Tree, Va, Jan. Is, 1900.
MIR. RICHARD BARNES, Kendallville,
Iowa.
Dear Friend:-As ! have promised /
will fulfill. l got through in good
shape Sunday noon Dec. 31st, with
only a delay of fourteen hours in
Cincinnati, on account of our train
being SO late that we could not make
connections. l got my ticket at
Chicago for $17.Oo over the Monon
route which is over the Big Four and
the B. & o. Their Homeseekers'
tickets from Chicago and return is
about $500 or perhaps little less on
excursion days.
When l arrived none of the
southerners were working as they
called it "real cold weather" There
was not half inch of snow which
only remained three days, and the
thermometer has not been lower than
eighteen above zero. Every morning
looks like spring. We work in the
woods every day without coat. The
older inhabitants say that there is
just enough cold to keep disease away.
There has bSen only two showers and
two cloudy days since l came. The
roads are never muddy.
Now am going to tell you truth
fully what have found out from re-
liable people and what 1 know about
this country. The soil is gray with a
clay sub-soil. The gray soil is mixed
with sand similar to the soil near
Cresco, only no gravel. In explanation
OF the soil here, 1 will say that knew,
as well as nearly all the rest of the
people in the north, that the soil here
has been robbed and that farmed by
the negroes, more than common. A
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20
Another Old Settler Gone.

Mrs. Mary Barnes, widow of James
Barnes, was born in Munster, Ireland,
IN 1878, and died at the home of her
daughter, Mrs. Mary ]. Ferrie, in
Elma, March IL, 1900, being 50 years
of age. She moved with her father
to Canada when seven years of age,
her mother having died previously.
she was united in marriage with
James Barnes in 1889 and to them
seven children were born, five of whom
survive, viz, Sylvester, Margaret,
Daniel, Jerry and Mary Jane. Michael
and James died some years ago. She
with her husband and family came to
Howard county in 1855 and located on
a farm in Vernon Springs township,
where they made their home until adj
vancing years with their intirmities,
compelled them to leave the farm to
younger hands. About three years
ago she went to live with her daugh-
ter, Mrs. Ferrie at Elma, where she
died. She was hard working, kind
hearted mother, faithful wife anfA
devout Christian, who has gone to
reap the reward of the just.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20

farmer here has been raising crop of
corn on land for thirty-five years, and
last year raised forty bushels to the
acre. There are few farms in this
vicinity which are as fertile as any in
or near Cresco. Cornstalks are larger,
have a more even look and larger
amount of fodder. Corn is harder and
better quality than is raised at home.
L have never eaten better corn bread.
l would rather have corn bread than
wheaton.
If they had the machinery that we
have and used clover on the land as
some do here, L Lelieve they would
make more money than they do at
home. Some of the northern people
raise clover and cut three crops in
year. Two crops and sometimes three
are not uncommon. Timothy hay is
SIS per ton, corn 40 cents, butter 25
cents, the year round, pork $3.50 and
other things in proportion except
flour which is the same as with you.
There are many northern people
here and more coming all the time.
None wish to return. The white
society here is excellent, far better
than at home, as they are more hos
pitable and obliging. The young
people are more social and mannerly,
perhaps old fashioned in that respect.
but nevertheless worthy of praise.
The negroes have their own schools
and churches and places of amuse-
ment and do not mingle with the
whites, only as they work for them.
There is plenty of work to do for
anyone who wants to labor, for the
negro won't work only short time
and when he does is not worth more
than his board unless he is bossed con-
stantiy. The prices of labor are not
as high as at the north; good negro
receiving Is cents per day. White
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20

VI the enemy would be shared by rneir
brethren in the colony in support of the au-
thority of my government"
On the initiative of Lord Roberts a
newspaper has been started at Bloem-
fontein for the edification of the
troops. Rudyard Kipling contributed
to the inaugural edition Saturday the
following lines:
20, Terrence, dear, and did you hear
The news that's going round?
The shamrock's Erin badge by law.
Where'er her sons are found,
From Bloemfontein to Ballybank
lis ordered by the queen
We've won our right in open fight
The wearing of the green"
Celebration Mt Toronto.
Toronto, Ont, March 1a.-St. Pat
rick's day was observed here and
throughout the province with unusual
enthusiasm. Everybody wore the
shamrock, while the Irish flag foated
from all public buildings. Services
were held in the Catholic churches,
where reference was made to the
bravery of the Irish soldiers in South
Africa. Concerts and banquets at night
by the different Irish societies wound
up the day.
In Montreal.
Montreal, March 19.-St. Patrick's
day was never so generally observed
in this city as on Saturday. The Irish
flag fioated on the city hall for the first
time in its history and hundreds of
British flags were hoisted on public
and private buildings. The day almost
lost its significance as purely Irish
holiday.
st. Patrick's Day in America.
Chicago, March 10. - Irish legions
tramped through cold and windy
streets Saturday in honor of ST Pat
rick's memory. Ten thousand of them
were there, marching under the stars
and stripes, the green standard of Ire
land and the banner of the South At
rican republic. Gatherings were held
in various parts of the city in the even
ing.
AT other large cities of the country
the day was observed with it's usual en-
thusiasm, parades and patriotic gath
emngs being features of the celebra-
ton
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20

white man will not let a negro farm
his land on shares or rent if there is
any alternative.
Since the war most of the farming
has been understanding, using COM
mercial fertilizers. Only for the past
few years have the up-to-date farmers
used anything on the land but cow
peas followed by clover, both crimson,
which is sown in the corn rows after
the last blowing and which is an
annual plant and very good crop for
winter feed for stock to Craze on and
our common clover. They are the
only needed fertilizers to produce a
good crop of potatoes and corn in a
single year.
/, with another fellow from Clayton
county, Iowa, who came here week
before did, am working in the woods
getting out lumber and wood by the
thousand and cord.
There is a great deal of timber,
mostly grown up since the war, In
explanation of this fact, L will state
that before the war the plantations
were large, scarcely any being less
than a thousand acres, which were
worked by negroes under boss. The
war liberated the negroes, the planters
themselves could not work, the negroes
would not only enough to keep body
and soul together, therefore the great
est part of the cultivated fields grew
up to timber, and to-day there can
still be seen among the timber the
rows thrown up by the little dixie
corn plow.
AS regards the products of the soil,
everything that grows up home does
well here and many fruits aud veget-
ables that do not grow there, also
many wild fruits and berries. One
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20
IN The PHILIPPINES.
The Junta Growing Active and Ma
Mia Is Considered Most Trouble
some Center in the situation.

Manila, March 19.-Gen. Otis con-
sfders Manila the most troublesome
center in the situation to-day. The in
surgent iunta here, in conjunction with
that in Hong Kong, is growing active.
The military authorities have been
forced to put a stop to Mabini's inter-
course with the public. The local and
foreign press considers his recent ut
terances calculated to incite the Fill
pinos to continued revolt and preju-
dicial to American control.
Flores, who has just arrived here,
says he comes trusting to American
leniency, and that he would not have
dared come to Manila if Spain were yet
in control, He cherishes the hopes and
aspirations which actuated him whep
in the field, and desires to watch con-
gressional action upon the question of
the Philippines. The insurgents, he
says, do not expect to vanquish the
Americans, but are maintaining re-
sistance with the idea of forcing con-
gress to accord them the best possible
terms.
Reports are current here of active
rebel organization in the province of
Morong, where the insurgent leaders
are said to be assh,ted by prominent
| Spanish residents. Inhabitants of this
province who are nov in Manila have
been advised not to return to their
homes, but to remain under the protec-
| ton of the Americans. 1t is also re-
ported that the rebels are recognizing
in the province of Zambales, under Mas
cardo. Brigands are committing afro
cities in the province of Nuevo Eciga,
where they have murdered 20 natives
and Cinnamon. Eight other murders
have been committed near Tarlac. The
Nueva Eciga insurgents are heavily
taxing local traders and farmers, with
the result that business is paralyzed
and there is general scarcity of food.
The funds for maintaining this guer-
rilla warfare are collected from the
various towns of the island, whether
occupied by the Americans or not, even
including Manila.
In the province of Albay the insur-
| gents have ceased harassing the
Americans, owing, it is reported, to a
lack OF ammunition, but they continue
ravaging the country by burning and
looting. The natives are firing of this
sort of thing and threaten to turn
against the marauders. Already the
townspeople of Legaspi, Albay and
Donzol are slowly returning to their
homes.
| Gen. Kobbe has opened 90 ports in the
southern part of Luzon and in the is
lands of Samar and Leyte. the result of
which is to stimulate trade there. al
though only temporarily. as the coun-
try opened is nonproductive and appar-
entity nonconsuming. Owing to the po-
| iitical conditions of the last ~ months
products accumulated during the
blockade. These will be shipped to Ma
Mia and then the ports will be empty.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20
Mnnila Census rnken

Washington. March ia census of
the city of Manila, taken by the sani-
tary corps of the city, has been re-
ceived at the war department. 1t shows
the population of the city proper, not
including the suburbs or the residents
of houseboats, converts or seminaries.
to be. approximately, $50, 900. The work
of enumeration was exceedingly diff.
cult, the natives showing strong dis
like to answering questions, and the
census is therefore not as accurate as
it might be-
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20
Mexican Canal opened.

City of Mexico, March 10.-The Grand
canal, part of the valley of Mexico
drainage system, was inaugurated Sat
urday with much ceremony. The work
has occupied nearly II years. during
which time the government has given
the project its constant and liberal aid
The work OF draining the valley of Mex
leo is now completed, and it remains
merely to construct the sewers of the
city.
Twice-a-week plain dealer. (Cresco, Howard County, Iowa) 1895-1913, 1900-03-20
The Deweys Go soutb

Washington, March 19.--Admiral and
Mrs. Dewey left here Sunday night for
trip south. They expect to visit Sa-
hannah, Macon. st. Augustine, Jack.
sonville and Palm Beach The admiral
and Mrs. Dewey probably will not re-
urn to the city until the latter part of
next month. at which time it is said
they will sail for Europe. visiting the
exposition some time during the sum-
mer.