The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1900-02-25
HOMESPUN YARNS.

o-fA@--SA Wv TINS
A returned missionary was I'm r,4
lilies court room the ether dav 5r-tsa
the tedious examination OF jurors us
ms eve aIghted on William Gerard N.Y.
occupied a seat in the jury box and NJ
/ enFylnS those around him who had BIS
cha-lenged and stepped down and 0-r''
DO you see that MANI said the Pa
turned elder. Well he was over iu Er--
iahd on a mission two years ago. Vyr-
he used 10 preach on the streets r. E-
trick Of addressing his audier-a
/ dear Liverpool souls dear ACcrire-ar
| ne might be preaching. Passing over In
/ ireland, he harauEued dear EaTfs.r
souls with great apiemb. but when he
! extended his tour south and appealed aH
tnustastieally TO dear Cork souls rr
! effect was great but hardly solemuizlre
! It was on the Waterloo car at II O'Clock
I on Friday night She was horid. fat ana
/ Ing. She sat demurely like a ...y
young thing near the stove, The r.-
/ struck the Fifth South curve ON Main
I street He struck the stove pine S.ff
something truly tropical He also SAT
/ with extreme unction-iu her lap.
SIR. get up
lHic) Marin, I am steemly tllIuly so--
Get out YOU beast" The graduate
/ from the institute of BOOseolOgy crawfe5
/ TO the further end Of the car where they
J ALAu AAAtAAAA ElelAEL al CaLlL uLlAEl- men ~.
/ an distracted air, as she Sazed at rre
/ chandelier she murmUred something rs
/ thu effect that II the conductor We're hair
/ a man he would develop into a b1uu..-
| and fire familiar species Of the genus
/ homo generally The oppressive SILENCE
/ was Jared by the plunk. pIuuk of 0a-
/ tat wheels of tho car and the Supplies H.
l riSibihtieS of the passengers Sudde..-
/ she exploded. You thing. If I was your
/ wife I would give you poison"
l. Then the meek voice from the corner
I family echoed, THANK yOush. an if Ori-l
! 1 were yOurusban I'm damned II I
! wouldn't take it,
| The way in which logic triumphs over
/ incUcated dOgmas is neatly illustrated Hv
/ the following occurrence \ few months
| ago a certain lady who resides With.
/ rifle shot of Capitol hill became infatUaf-
/ cd with the doctrine of Christian Science
/ and subsequently allied herself with TIN.
body. In her family Is a bright little
I girl of some eight summers. one day S-H
+ was left with her aunt, who Is "a nom
/ believer in the latest sect. Meeting with
/ a fan and evidently a good deal hurt shs
cried bitterly. Her aunt. having i'm mimi
I her training, somewhat sarcaStcly said
/ to her: Are you hurt2' NO L am not
/ hurt she replied somewhat petulautlE-
/ because / am mad. What are yaI
mad att" "O-h, Boo! Wough. I am
mad cause I can't feel that ] amt hurt
Last Old Folks day c. r. Savage. as
I usual was engaged in distributing Ted.
I white or blue badges to applicants, &C.
/ cordlng TO their ages one ol9 resident.
about whom there was some doubt got
into line, and as his turn came, Savage
asked:
Brother Hat. are you seventy"
/ NO, brother, was the proud reply I
[ be a Ugh priest
One of the most amusing typographical
! bulls OF recent years appeared III paper
/ published over on the west side the other
{ day. Noting certain club banquet. i-
I announced that a well known club man
would talk on The Five Points of =
Frog"
Charlie Buckle is another salt lake
/ man who cannot be hoodwinked into tolk-
ing TO reporter
'Oh no." says he. mot me- I had ms
lesson, and don't forget. IL came about
in this way; 1 was a young fellow attend
I ing St Mark Sunday scnoOl- one sun
ady morning dropped into the Walker
] House and got in with some people from
I the east. They were of my church, and
[ asked to be directed to St. Marks. J said
! / would 60 with them and, as II was ear
/ ly, W, "Ould go for A little walk first.
[ The. 'eed. and we started out When
We to Walkers bank 1 told the
! str. all l knew of the Walker broth
eTs, how they started in by haUlnE wool
10 town and selling it for a living, how
they went baTefCOted in those days how
poor they were then and how rich they
came TO be. Then we went on To the En-
! POTiUm and l tod them all l knew about
that / was well posted on local history
I then. l hg learned ii all from an Old
woman VIII pad come here before John
son S army Gell. from the Emporium va
( went on to + p Temple Here 1 got elo-
quent and tod al the stories had ever
heard about the MOrmons. Next we visit
al The Lion house. the Bee Hive, the Car
do house and Brigham YOung.S grave On
the hill Then We went to 81. Mark S.
mis- rf.r-
with them. and df1er that they got a hack
and we drove all over the city. / talked
p all the time and thought / had never seen
/ such nice people in my life When my
party got back 10 their home in Philadel-
/ pnia they sent me a copy Of their paper.
! / My story was all there with plenty Jf
, VarnlSn and spice
That one time was enough" said Char
/, lie. with a snap, they don't fool me
again, you can bet your life on that
He dropped into Hartenstein's and took
the first empty chair for a shave.
Have you mug?' was the polite in
curry of the barber.
Have a noog?" he roared; have ] a
, mOOg? And phat the divi would 7 be get
tin shaved if it wasn't me mOug2'
He got his ''moog' shaved
We'll" he said as ne turned away.
= you Herald fellows are bound TO please
Z both sides with your bulletins. One SAYS
| Cronje has surrendered and the next says
p that Butler has been repJlSed."
well. what 3 wrong with that2'
Wrong? Why, isn't Cronje B9cr2'
And isn't Butler English"
Then how can Cronje he captured and
: Butler repuIsed at the same time2''
5 Thus he convinced himself that the
| press is unreliable