The age-herald., 1900-10-30
SKETCHES FROM
 EVERYDAY LIFE

N~-0is--N--N4 tones:
 That you Mary?' Yes"
 Just too lovely" No stuffed peppers" Sure enough?'
 'I wouldn't have thought itp'
 ''Yes, seandalous."
 Come round and tell me about 1t" 'TIe did?"
 'Yes, hot stuff ''Ha! hal"
 Well, tell mother"
 The conversation was about the grocer and the dinners vegetables.
 Those who read MT Dooley on Sunday are unaware of the language interspersed among his remarks which does not appear in print, and which would hardly be con sidered Sunday reading MT. Dooley may be hard to write, but he Is certainly hard to print He is popular with the public but un- popular with the printer. In the type room every printer tries to shove MT. Dooley on his neighbor. His name there is Dennis. Here Bill,'' excsGms one, "set up this blithering Irishm9n." Well" answers Bill, "set me up first" Then the foreman settles the matter by doing the Solomon act, and MT. Dooey is cut in half, and each gets a slice. The difference between Mir Dooley and Solomon's baby, is that the latter was not cut at all, to the joy of one woman while if MT. Dooley was run through a sausage machine and cut to small pieces it would bring joy to many printers
 Barber (absently)-Shampoo, sir?
 Customer (wth shinig bald pate)-No; shine.--Puck.
 Thos who do not know how to write an obituary will do well to cut out the fol- lowing as a good example. You never can tell when enemy may die and you be called on to write his obituary. Then comes your chance. An obituary is an exception to the rule, de mortins nil nisi bonum
 Begin by writing the word Obituary, then continue in the first person as follows:
 Our Bro and friend Isack Stumps Was born sometime past about 40 years And de- parted this life - 1900 I suppose he died with a congestve chill.
 On last Apr he were married to Miss Lima Loveless. He leaves d wife five sons and one daughter. He were a good friend of mine, and l so sorry that he is gone But know him So well that l have some thing proud to say about him. He were true regenerated of God which came about by a repentance with a broken heart He then were baptised thereby proving his faith ill the minister and were received into the church about S2 years ago From his own lips he said that he had always lived a chaste or virtuous life He were an ideal husband, good father, a good neighbor He wore a white shirt without a stain.
 Now with the above testimony if he is not safe within the realms of glory, who is? What else could he do. Farewell good sir.
 One of the plaques of Egypt was thick darkness in the land, which could be felt This however, only lasted for three days, and in the houses of the Isrealites there were lights. In Birmingham there is more or less of this plague every day in the year, due to the volumes of smoke from the furnaces. Birmingham is smoking up." Not even the Israeltes are free from this plague of cnders.
 Sunday afternoon there was darkness over the land about the depot, which, like the Egyptian plague, was so dark that it could be felt It not directly due to the volumes of smoke and cinders which poured from the tunnels of the locomotives but indirectly, inasmuch as they had brought several hundred excursonists of Egyptian blackness to town.
 It is better to hit the bottle than to be hit by it. One means a broken head figurative- ly, not a figure head and the other q broken head, literally, even nttery. Two gents on pleasure bent proceeded to inn bibe too much rye. They began in oppo- site parts of the town and came together about the middle. They did not intend to meet-it was merely luck. The luck, like the whisky, bad, and one drew bottle of rye from his whisky pocket and hit the other over the head. The who was hit went down, and the man who did the hit ting went up for sixty days.
 It was probably some such scene as this which suggested to Robert Burns the lam ous poem:
 Gin a body meet body
 Comin' full O rye,
 Gin body hit body
 Need body cry?