The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-09-05

The proprietor: Go long Don't you
ketch on? I've hired dat Teller by de
hour to come in here in his shirtwaiSt
an git thrown out and come back and
get thrown out again, an den sue me
fer ten thousand, see? / amt goin' to
have desc high-class grub joints monopo
lizin' all de free advertiser. Elk.
The following is a pretty story OF the
Princess of Wales and one Of the wound
ed soldiers now lying in Netley hospital,
says London correspondent. The prince
and princess not long ago visited Netley
hospital, i'll which some Of the earlier vic
TINS Of the war are now under treat
mcnt. The princess, in the course of her
tour. kept eXclaiming: "Oh, this terrible
war-this terrible war; One of the men
had been shot through the right check,
the bullet carrying away with it the
teeth and the greater portion of the jaw
The tender hearted princess was much
moved at the mans suffering. and she
said to him: Poor fellow. Can you
manage to smoke at al? ~
The man said: Yes, your royal high
ness"
The princess Immediately turned to the
Prince of Wales, and, putting her hand
on his shoulder, said: will you let me
have your cigarette case?'
The prince smilingly gave it to the
princess, who, taking out all the cigar
cites, handed them to the delighted
wounded man, saying: Smoke these,
my fine fellow. | think they are good
ones; at least know the prince enjoys
them. May you do the same"
A young woman recently answered an
advertisement for dining-room girl. and
the lady Of the house seemed pleased
with her, says the Seattle Post-Intelli-
gencer. But before engaging her there
were some questions to ask.
Suppose" said the lady-''now. only
suppose. YOU nnderstand-that YOU were
carrying piece of steak from the kitch-
en-, and by accident should let it slip
from the plate to the floor, what would
you do in such a case?"
The girl looked the lady square in the
eyes for moment before asking: rs
ers?"
Boarders," answered the lady.
Pick it up and put it back on the
plate" firmly replied the girl.
She was engaged.
She isn't a very expert stenographer,"
said one young woman, land yet the
political orator for whom she takes die
tatlon has raised her salary three times
this year"
Yes answered the other "She isn't
expert, but she is clever. She told me
abont it. Sh' always giggles out loud
when she comes to any portion of IL
speech that he obviously intends to be
funny. Washington Star.
At Ramsbury manor there once resid-
ed a poulterer's family of the name of
Duck. The third son was to be christ
ened and the mother wanted the name to
be William. Just before starting to
church the nurse ran upstairs to the ia
Their, who was laid up with govt. to tell
him they were off "What be going to
call I'm, nurse?" ''Missus says it's to be
William" was the reply. William be
bowed" said the invalid. "call un plain
Bill" In accordance with these laconic
instructions the nurse gave the name of
Plainbill to the clergyman, and the in
FAINT was christened accordingly. Ono
Titchiner of Peckham was named under
the following circumstances: On arriv-
ing at the church his name was not set
tied upon. and when the clergyman said
Name this child" one of the friends
said John" and another said. "Oh, no."
meaning not John; and as no one else
be his name. and baptized him Ono.
-:O:-
Fuddy-"A fellow can't think much of
a girl to eat onions just previous to call
Duddy-"Oh, 1 don't know. 1t may
be he is so sure of her he doesn't care;
or, perhaps, there could be no stronger
proof of his devotion than the fact that
he could not keep away even after eat
ing onions. Boston Transcript.
The following Whistler story is told by
Justin Mccarthy:
''Whistler-'the MASTER as his follow
ers delight to call him-was once paint
ing a portrait of a distinguished novelist.
who was extremely clever but also ex-
tremely ill-favored. When the portrait
was finished, the sitter did not seem sat
isfed with it. You don't seem to like
it," Whistler said. The sitter confessed
that he did not, and said in self-justifca-
ton: You must admit that it is a bad
work of art Yes Whistler replied:
but / think you must admit that you
are bad work of nature.
Observing the manager of the drug de-
partment, the woman accosted him, in a
spirit of badinage.
II have kleptomania,' she said. What
would you advie me to take"'
THE elevator, by all means said the
manager wittily.
And not something just as good?'' eX-
claimed the woman, affecting great sur
prise.-Detroit Journal.
To-:
Alfred (whose sportive opportunities
have been limited by parental decree:
Papa, what does it mean by base on
balls?
Papa (who is reading an account of
the latest heavyweight fight: alfred,
you could better employ yourself with
your Sunday school lession. I'm too
brcv now to ayOlain -
Alfred -(still thirsting for knowledge:
'tDid it mean the same as base on balls
when you telephoned last night that as
mamma was away you were to go out
On bat?"
Mamma (who is always lstening):
benjamin Ridgely, you will take time
right now to make two explanations
with the most important one coming to
me. ''-Denver News.
All, me!
Yesterday my husband exclaimed
'Parbleun' at golf.
This evening he has just exclaimed,
'Hoot, mon!' at my fete champetre.
How humiliating to be married to such
q clO6 of q man with no cnul mona Of