davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Youthful Precocity.

A little girl who had just entered
school lately jubilantly announced to
her father that she did better than all
the girls above her in the arithmetic
class and went 10 the top.
THAT was smart of you" said he, en-
couragingly. How was it?"
well, you see, Miss Maggie asked the
girl at the top how much was 8 and 5,
and she didn't know, and said 10; then
the next girl said 0, and the next one
said IL, and the next IA. Such silly an
swers! Then Miss Maggie asked me,
and said 10, and Miss Maggie told me
20 go up top. Course it was 49,
THAT was nice" said the father. 81
didn't know you could add so well. How
did you know il was 1872"
why, guessed 1t! Nobody said 49,"
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
None For Him.

Atlanta Constitution: Two negroes
were hoeing cotton on hot summers
day, when the following occurred:
"Uncle Joe doan't you wish dat we
had live in dem good OIL days or
'Lijah de profit, when we cud sot
under big shade tree en- shet our
eyes en- have de birds come and feed
us like he did him?
Said Uncle Joe: "No, you fool mig.
ser, OF we had live in dem days dem
white folks wud had dat man Joshua
keepin' de sun stan'in still all the
time, en- we niggers nebber wud be
fru wuck. No, sAh!"
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23

j. w. Wheeler, Kingman county
fai mer, kept tab on the returns of his
uAlrN last year. Fifteen COWS averaR-
ed WI worth of milk apiece and each
raised $21 calf
The Cherryvale Clarion would have
the world believe that a youth of that
town hasn't the nerve to use his opera
glasses at limb show, but nothing
is said about there being others.
The carton in Friday's sheldon
issue OF the horror Of war contained a
picture of one Leading figure of the
slaughter that somewhat resembled
Gen. Joe Hudson. An accident.
dou btless.
Secretary CoburD, in recitlng the
good points of the Angora goat, in
cludes The facts that the goat fattens
easily, can live on old shoes and tin
cans ami can worst the most pesti-
ferrous dog.
A south western Kansas boarding
house keeper resented the local pa
per's statement that the house was in
apple pie ORDER II IL really dis
tinction most of them are everlast-
ingly "haeh order"
Women are hard to please. One at
LeavenwOrth committed suicide be.
cause her husband stayed in New
York, and others despond because
their husbands want to sit around the
kitchen stove all the time.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Not Hurt, hut NIad.

The way in which native logic tri-
umphs over inculcated dogmas is neatly
illustrated by true story have heard
A little child between three and four
years of age whose parents were firm
believers in Christian science had be-
come a good deal imbued with the doc
trine of that sect. One day she was left
with her aunt, a non-believer. Meeting
with a fall and evidently good deal
hurt, she cried bitterly. Her aunt, hay-
ing in mind her training, said to her:
Are you hurt?" mo, am not hurt"
she replied, somewhat petulantly.
Then why do you cry?" II am crying
because l am mad" what are you
mad at?" 81 am mad because can't
feel that l amt hurt!"-Boston Trans
cript.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Watching for State Paner,

Foreign embassies are always on the
sharp watch for the deaths of proml-
nent subjects of their respective coun-
tries who may possess interesting cor
reSpondence of more or less value to
the state. Thus, when Countess Di Cas-
tiglione died in Paris, at the request
OF the Italian embassy the French au-
thorities placed its seal on every
cupboard and drawer in her house. 1t
10 suspected that she had many inter
esting letters from Victor Emmanuel
and Cavour, in whose employ she was
during a part of the second empire,
and the Italian government does not
intend to let these fall into irrespon-
sible hands.-N. Y. Sun.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Card Of Thanks.

We wish through the columns of the
REGISTER to express to the good
friends In lola who showed such
kindness to our son and brother dur.
ing his illness and to us during the
trying hours after his death, to all
these and more especially to the fam.
lily of w. Il. Lowder, our deep ap.
probation and thanks.
MRS. PORTER,
II. II. PORTER,
Is. Il. PORTER.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Dissolution Notice

The partnership heretofore existin q
between J. w. Coffey and w. Il.
Lawrence Grading as j. w. Coffey a.
Company is dissolved by mutual
consent. j. w. Coffey continues the
business and will receive and pay ell
moneys and accounts due and from
the late firm. Signed,
j. w, CoFFEY,
ID. M. M. TUDOR, Attor-
ney for W. Il. Lawrence.
Dated March 10, 1900.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Beware of Ointments for Catarrh that
nnnfn L., Mnn,n,nn,r


AS mercury Will surely destroy the
sense of smell and completely derange
the whole system when entering 1t
through the mucous surfaces. Such
articles should never be used except
on prescriptions from reputable phys
icians, as the damage they will do Is
ten-fold TO the good you can possibly
derive from them. Halls Catarrh
Cure, manufactured by f. j. Cheney
Il Co Toledo, o., contains no mereu-
ry, and is taken internally, acting di-
rectly upon the blood and mucous sur
faces of the system. In buying HALLS
Catarrh Cure be sure you get the gen.
uine. 1t is taken internally, and
made in Toledo, Ohio, by f J Cheney
IL Co. Testimonials free. Sold by
Druggists, price 75c. per bottle, HALLS
Family Pills are the best.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23

Eugene j. Hall, the poet ana pub
Usher, says that one dose of Foley's
Honey and Tar restored his voice
when hoarseness threatened to pre-
vent his lecture at Central Music Hall
Chicago. Evans Bros.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23

Little Willie-Say, pa, what's the diff
ference between an optimist and pes
simist?
pam optimist enjoys thing he
can't like, and pessimist likes thing
he can't enjoy.-Detroit Free Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Going Down Hill,

People suffering from kidney dis.
eases feel a gradual but steady loss
OF vitality. They should lose no time
In trying Foley's Kindey Cure. 1t
guaranteed. Evans Bros.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23

A man named e. Presson, of Pres
sonville, Kansas, wrote letter the
other day, saying the opinion of
everybody in his town who has used
Foley's Honey and Tar is, that 1T is
the very best medicine for la grippe,
colds, coughs, etc. Evans Bros,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23

When you want something heal o
burn, or sore, or cut, why not
try Banner salve, which is guaran-
teed the most healing ointment in
the world. Evans Bros.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Sentenced to FIFTY Years Imprisonment.

Sentenced to FIFTY Years imprisonment.
Kansas City, Mo-, March 10.-John
X. Haines, the Topeka ticket broker,
recently convicted of numbering
Charles Watson, was sentenced to 50
years in the penitentiary. Haines APP
Piled for an appeal to the supreme
court and it was allowed.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
Tried to BOARD a FreIght TRAIN

Nevada, Mo-, March 19.--Charles, the
14-year-old son of Prof. A. A. Waddell,
was instantly killed Saturday while
attempting to board moving freight
train south of the Nevada yards,
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
A CyClOpedia Of Progress and Events

All sending their subscriptions under our
cluboing offer, are presented. postpaid, with
me AMERICAN AGRICULTURIsr YEAR Book
ana ALMANAC for 1900. This great book is a
Cyclopedm of Progress aud Events of the
World, Guide To Markets, Marketing and
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1900-03-23
The lola Register

'Ne'N'H A-N'sAN'A <hALicA lCtih AEilCulluilsts
by special arrangement with Tho publish
ei'', We are enabled 10 offer TIE ORANGE
JUDD FARMER, the leading agricultural
weekly OF tho Western and Mississippi
valley States, in club with this pa
per, at an exceedingly low figure. The
ORANGE JUDD FAl,MElt is remarkable for tho
variety and interest ct its contents, and is I'M
Of its kind.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
The Navy Mans Life,

"Laymen call our life exciting and
think that we see lot of the world"
said the navy man, "but it's big mis-.
take. What do we know of any Of the
ports we visit? The pier, other boats
that may happen to be there at the
same time, and the English club of the
tOwn--that's all we see. And it's all
at a few ports and gone through the
same performance over and over again,
you get mighty tired of it.
"As for our life, what is it but n
perpetual club life? There are few
professional club demands, but the rest
of our time is spent in much the same
way that a man spends his at his club
i'm smoking, reading. in swapping
lies, in making oneself agreeable to
ones friends who may do him the hon
or of a visit and in making oneself
agreeable to some other fellows
friends who may do him the honor
of a visit-that's the sum of our ex-
istencc, and when you think that's it
for day in and day out, you can but
agree that n whole lifetime Of it might
begin to pail.
ITS like wearing evening clothes all
the time or spending ones lie at the
OPERA or always having dessert and
nothing else for dinner. All play and
no work makes n duh boy of almost
any Jack. | sometimes wonder how
any OF us navy men manage to rise
superior to our opportunities for sink
ing into stupiditys lowest depths."-
New York Sun.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
lie Once Knew Something.

A middle aged gentleman who has
been looking over his old school exam
ination papers writes to The Academy
expressing his chagrin at the dscov-
e'y of the fact that he knows less than
Ate Cd years ago. II knew some things
thcn-arthmetic, for example. Today
| am ut the mercy of any waiter who
brings me change. At booking offices
| keep vast crowds waiting and miss
ing their trains while do iaDorious
subtraction sums in my head. but at
school what hand | was at figures.
Look at this:
"'Three graziers, A. b and c. rent
piece of pasture land for month. A
puts on ~ cattle for 81 days, i 10 for
"a days and c % for % days. If at the
end of the month the rent and other
charges amount to f23 5s. l0d.. how
much of this ought to be paid by
each?'
IL could do that in 1854. couldn't
do it now. | have no idea where to be-
gin. 1t may be easy, but the point is
that | have not the key. There used
to be II Ilgglery with Y, ana | could
manage it. Now that pay income tax
and have statements of account from
my publisher every half year | can
manage it no longer. And seem TO
have known zoology too. Zoology. |
seem to have been able to describe and
draw diagrams of the heart and princi-
pal blood vessels of the crayfsh. Once
good hcayens-once was a we'll
Informed boy. Today don't see how
should pass the third class college of
preceptors. "-London Academy.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02

Somewhat more than 80 years ago it
happened to me to meet at the house
of Il mutual friend daughter Of the
late Major benjamin RUSSELL for many
years editor of the Boston Centinel.
She was a bright. interesting woman
and a brilliant racontcur, and she told
me Il number of anecdotes of her ia
ther, who was a strongly indivdualized
and notable character for good many
years Among them was the follow
ing:
The battle between the Chesapeake
and the Shannon took place just off the
Massachusetts coast, and a sailor in
some way got ashore and hurried to
Boston with the news. 1t was in the
night, and he went straight to The Cen
tinel office. where he found Major Rus
sell. to whom he told the story, includ-
ing the death of Lawrence.
what were his last words?" said the
major
Don't know" said the man.
Didn't he say, Don't give up the
ship"
Don't know" said the man.
"Oh, he did"' said the major. "I'll
make him say it," And he did-so
much for history.-Hartford Courant.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
when Women Played Cricket,

The following is from an article in
the London General Advertiser Of 1141:
"On Monday last in playing the Wo-
mems Cricket Match the Company
broke in, so that it was impossible for
the game to be play'd out; and some of
them being very much frightened, and
others hurt, it could not be fnish'd till
this Morning, when at Nine O'clock
they will finish the same, hoping the
Company will be so kind as to indulge
them in not walking within the Ring,
which will not only be Il great Pleas
ure to them, hut general Satisfaction
to the Whole. All Gentlemen and La.
dies that have paid to see this Match
on Monday shall have the Liberty of
the Ground to see it finish'd, without
any other charge. And in the After
noon they will play Second Match,
in the same Place, several large Sums
being depending between the Women
Of the Hills of Sussex, in Orange Col
our'd Ribbons, and those of the Dales,
In Blue. The Wickets to be pitch'd by
One O'clock, and to begin Play by
Two"
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
Good Roads and Cities.

1t is only by state aid law that the
city population can be enabled to give
farmers the help they are willing to
give and which justice requires them
to give. Strict justice would require
in fact, that the state should pay the
whole cost of road building and main
tenance instead of one-half, as is pro-
posed by this bill. The whole people
have equal rights in the use Of the
roads,. and they have substantially
equal benefits from them, for, though
the people in cities may rarely use
them, they are used constantly for the
cities benefit. Without them the cities
could not exist for day; destroy them,
and the people of cities and towns
must scatter instantly to find subsist-
ence.-General Roy Stone.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
Was Queen Beas HandsOme7

Sir Horace Walpole's description Of
the maiden queen, drawn from her
portraits and from contemporary ac'
counts, Is not very attractive one.
"a pale Roman nose, head of hair
loaded with crowns and powdered with
diamonds, vast ruff, a vaster farthin
gale and bushel of pearls are" he
says, 1.-THE features by which every
body knows at a glance the pictures
of Queen Elizabeth
But Notwithstanding that she did not
care for art and that, knowing her
lack of it, she affected to despse bodi-
ly comeliness, still she loved to multi
ply portraits of herself. Sin them she
could appear really handsome" Yet
II she has been flattered in the exist
ing likenesses of her she must have
been not merely plain, but remark
ably ugly woman. Perhaps the truth
is that with the most courtly inten-
tons the painters Of the time did not
know how to prevaricate.
1.-THE queen" says a foreign observer,
"is fair. but wrinkled. Her nose is q
little hooked, her lips thin and her
teeth black. She wore false hair and
that red. Her bosom was uncovered,
as all the English ladies have it until
they marry" That the painters fiat
tered her in some degree we must infer
from that fact that she was fond Of
sitting to them, though she could not
bear the sight of a mirror. which so
enraged her that her attendants We're
obliged 80 hide theirs when she was
preSent-Art Amateur
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
Started His A1uae,

ut seems so strange" said the lady
who had returned to visit the Old
scenes again, that your son Arthur is
a poet. When | knew him, | never
suspected that he had an inclination in
that direction. ! suppose, though, that
you have seen it in him from the
first!'
NO." the young mans mother re-
piled; che never gave any indication Of
it as boy. His schoolbooks are not,
as one would naturally suppose. scrib-
bled full of rhymes. He did not lisp
in numbers, as we read that other po-
cts did. Indeed Arthur was about as
plain and practical boy as could have
been found anywhere"
THAT'S the way he always seemed to
me. When was it. discovered that Ire
had this gift|
well, the first time we noticed it on
him was one day after Il heavy sign,
which had projected out over the
street. fell as he was walking along
and struck him On the head. AS soon
as he regained consciousness he seem
ed to be poct."-Chicago Times Her
aid.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
A Night Of Terror.

Z" Awful anxiety was felt for the
widow of the brave General Burnhani
of Machias, Me-, when the doctors said
she would die from Pneumonia before
morning" writs Mrs. $. II. Lincoln, who
attended her that fearful night, but she
begged for DR.. Kings New Discovery,
which had more then once saved her
life. and cured her Of Consumption.
After taking, she slept all night. Fur
Their use entirely cured her." This
marvellous medicine is guaranteed to
cure all Throat, Chest aud Luug DIS
eases. Only SOC and $1.0o. Trial
bottles free at Parlor Drug Store. DIV
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
Hailed From a RAPID Town.


"One of the funniest experiences In
my hotel life," said an old clerk, was
that In which a man registered lis
name without writing his town ate
II, as Is the custom. When | caAsL
MS attention to 1t, he said: 4 hadct
forgot 1t, but l feel little bit timd
about 1t. The last time | was away
from home registered the name of
my town and the clerk asked me
what state 1t was in. got mad in
minute and wouldn't stay in the
house. | went to another house and
registered from Brooklyn. and the next
day appeared in the paper credited
to New York. showed it to the clerk.
and he said he changed my place of
residence on the book because nobody
ever registered from Brooklyn.
II told the man he need have no
fear Of having the incident repeated
In our place provided he wanted to
write the name. He said he would
think about it and asked to be shown
his room, so saw no more of him un
til late in the night. He then asked
me If had an atlas. He studied it
infinitely for few minutes measured
distances with his two hands, like Il
farmer, and then he called me and
pointed out the name of town. !
asked him If that was his.
1T is the name all right he replied
but don't know whether the town
Is still there. 1t Is the boominest
town you ever see, and when left
1t vas GROWN so fast that farmers in
the adjoinin state We're burnin their
fences to keep the town from GROWN
right over 'em.'" - Chicago Inter
Ocean.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
Stood Death OFF.

+. B. Munday. lawyer of Henrietta,
Tex, once fooled glvae-digger. lie
says: "My brother was very low with
malarial fever and jaundice. per-
suaded him to try Electric Bitters, and
he was soon much better, but continued
their use until he was wholly cured.
am sure Electric l'itters saved his life.
This remedy expels malaria. kills dis
ease germs and purities the blood; aids
digestion, regulates liver, kidneys and
bowels, cures constipation, dyspepsia,
nervous diseases, kidney troubles. fe-
male complaints gives perfect health
Only 600 at Parlor Drug Store. DIV
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
WASHINGTON.

Rudolph Butler was at East Cor
inth recently,
Mrs. Ella Spencer has returned
from Aver, Mass,
c. +. Smith has been visiting in
South Royalton.
Mrs. c. II. Smith has gone to Bos-
ton.
Mrs, +. W. BiXby of Chelsea visited
her sister, Mrs. L. W. Seayer recently.
The South Barre dramatic club pre-
scented the drama "The Mountain
Waif" in the school house hall last
Saturday evening to an appreciatiye
audience.
The school in the grammar depart
mcnt Of the village school taught by
Miss Louise f. Taft. closed last Fri
day. The number Of pupils enrolled
was thirty three, average attendance
twenty seven and one sixth. The
pupils having no marks during the
term were Ernest Mcdonald, Lucius
Flint, Charley and George Palmer,
Mabel and Ida Richardson and En-
ma Beland. Katie Mcdonald, Emily
Calef and Dean Seavcr had no absent
marks. Bernice Briggs and Mark
Carpenter We're each, absent half
day. Ida Richardson, Ernest Nc
Donald and Lucius Flint had no
marks during the year.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
The Effect of His Face.

An amusing story is told at the ex-
pense of Winston Churchill, the author.
An old man, seeing the picture of
Churchill displayed in the window of
Baltimore bookseller, inquired of by
standcr whom it represented.
"Winston Churchill" was the reply.
"Where does he preach?"
Being told that Mr.. Churchill was not
preacher, he asked: "Ain't he? What
did you say his name is"
"Winston Churchill. He writes nov
els
docs what?"
"Writes novels"
The man shook his head with look
of pity and declared TOO bad! Too
bad! He has good face"
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02

He had been studying shorthand
thinking it might be a help to him in
his business, and naturally he was in.
terested in 1t. So 1t happened that
when he did something to displease his
wife and she started to tell him what
she thought of it all he asked her to
wait minute.
"Wait minutew she exclaimed in
establishment. "WhyY
81 don't like to miss such splendid
chance for practice" he replied reach
ing for his pencil and paper. I'm
training for speed certificate, you
know, and rapid dictation is just what
I want. Now 60 ahead"
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
pnv ROad Taxes In Cnah.

The proposition to pay road taxes In
cash met with little favor in the begin
ming. Farmers were unwilling, as
might reasonably be expected to pay
their road taxes in cash instead Of in
work. But sentiment is now largely
the other way among intelligent farm:
prs, since experience has shown that
more can bc accomplished with 81 of
tax paid in cash than 50 or even $3 of
tax worked out on the highway. Where
the system has been fairly tried farm
ers have found it by no means the bur-
den expected. since they may still be
hired by the road officers to run the
machinery used.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
A Convincing Answer,

i" hobbled into Mr.. Blackmon's drug
store one evening"" says Wesley Nelson,
of Hamilton, Ga, g and he asked me to
try Chambcrlain's Pain Balm for rhcu-
matism with which had suffered for u
long time. told him had no faith in
any medicine as they all failed. He
said. Well if Chambcrlain's Pain Balm
does not help you, you need not pay for
it," | took II bottle of it home and used
ii according to the directions and i'll one
week l was cured, and have not since
been troubled with rheumatism" Sold
by 4. A, Drown & Co., Druggists. DIV
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02

1t Is claimed that 100000 leeches
are used annually in France and Eng
land alone. A single company in Aus
tralia used to export 100000 to 3,0OO,-
600 year to Europe and America. One
Partisan capitalist affirmed that his
leech crop returned him Is to I, and it
is recorded that the monopoly of TAX
ing leeches in Morocco was once sold
for 100000.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1900-02-02
Joke ON the Other Fellow,

His Mother Ito wife going through
the pockets Of her husbands clothing)
II wouldn't do that, Irene. Come
now, do you think it is right?
Wife-That depends upon the motive
My object is not mercenary. only
want to play practical joke upon any
p!ckpocket who may happen to operate
upon dear George Boston Transcript