davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
lie Wna A,IrnI1i.h

Fortunately when red tape comes In
contact with common sense It Is red
tape which goes to the wall A good
story Is told Of "A military official who
devised n system which compelled ey.
cry one who went on business to Gen
eral Banks 10 procure Il ticket from u
member Of the staff. the presentation
of which at the door gained his admls-
sion. One day n burly colonel came to
the door Of the private Office at head.
quarters and requested that his name
be given to the general.
Have you n tickrtf' he was asked.
"A ticket" echoed the colonel. with
scorn. 40. sir, haven't"
you can't enter here without one.''
was the reply
"slr," said the colonel. when Gen,
eral Banks becomes puppet show
and have p cents to spare I'll buy d
ticket to see him. not before" He was
admitted
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

There Stems to he no philosophical
necessity for food We can conceive OF
organized beings living without nour-
ishment and deriving all the energy
they need for tie performance OF their
life functions from the ambient me-
dunn. In a crystal We have the clear
evidenceof lreSiatonce Of a formative
life principle and. though we cannot
understand the life OF crystal. It is
none the less living being. There
may be, besides crystals, other such In
diyidualized. material systems Of be-
ings, perhaps Of gaseous constitution
or composed Of substance still more
tenuous. In view Of this possibility
nay. probability-w cannot apodeictic-
ally deny the existence Of organized
beings on Il planet merely because the
conditions On the same are unsuitable
for the existence Of life as we con-
ceive II. We cannot even with positive
assurance assert that some OF them
might not lie present here, In this our
world. in the very midst of us. for their
constitution aud life manlfestion may
be such that we are unable to perceive
them. NiEola Tesla In Century Maya
zine.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
LOG JAMS.
The Force They Exert and How They
Are Broken Up.

~ log Jam Is one of the most for
mldablo problems we have TO encoun-
ter In our line of business" said a Mis-
sissippl lumberman. How they begin
is difficult TO explain: A few dozen
logs Will become wedged for an instant
In narrow part of Il stream and In
less time than 1t takes me TO tell II
hundreds of others will come swooning
down and pack themselves in an intrl-
cate, close knit span, reaching from
bank 10 bank, and almost as solid as
Il rock. The force they exert is some
thing marvellous. During one jam In
my section l saw lot of logs plunge
under the edge of the blockade. and n
few seconds later they pushed their
way up through the very middle of
the pack, tossing timbcrs as big
around as mans waist into the air
like So many toothpiclls. The noise
they made rs they drove through the
mass was simply deafcning. 1t sound
&c NN.~- a-.sNeS s,s.,N, WIS peing TORN
up by its foundations. When the logs
passed under the jam, they We're eyi-
IDENTIFY caught In such way rs TO
still further obstruct the imprisoned
stream aud We're hurled upward with
all the Irresistible energy OF millions of
gallons of rushing water.
1.-THE breaking of n jam Is a very
ticklish operation and seems to he
largely matter of instinct with old
rlvermcn. The lines and angles of
strain In such blockade are SO COM
plcatcd that the best engineer In the
world Is apt 10 20 wrong In indicating
the proper point of attack. A veteran
lumherman, on the contrary, Will often
take II long look at the mass and then
point out the key log The key log
Is the timber on which the strain cell
tcrs and when II Is blown out or prled
out, the pnck, In almost every instance,
VIII break up of Itself. | had an old
fellow In my employ few years ago
who could locate key log nine times
out of ten. lie couldn't read or write,
knew nothing about engineering and
was unable TO explain how lie arrived
ut hts conclusions. He said 1t came
kinder nachral.'" - New Orleans
Times Democrat.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
OntIcinn,s I.ntIn.

Hiram had returned home from col
lcge. Wbtic lie had won high honors al
a student OF the ancient languages, but
he fell down" one day when his sister
a demure young girl In her teens, ask
ed him to translate sign she had seen
In front Of au opticians office which
read thus;
coz sCLrU sABo UTYo UREY Es
Hiram struggled manfully with IT for
several inmates and gave It up.
1T Isn't good Latin" he said. There
are some words In 1t that are Latin,
but the others are either wrong In ter
mination or are baTbarlsms from other
languages, and. taken as a whole, II
doesn't make sense"
That Is what ! said" rejolned his
sister but Ecturah. out in the kitch-
en- translates ii without any trouble.
She says Il HnaES Consult US about
your eyes
Whrrenpoa lIlram collapsed. Youth
Companion
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
His supposIfion,

A phlanthropc lady OF Pacific
Heights, ono OF the sort OF superior
Stun ralsers shown up in "Fables In
Slang" met on one of her tours a lit
tie boy who was swearing roundly.
She seized him at once and gave him
n good shaking, adding: you ought TO
be ashamed of yourself | never heard
such language since the day | was
bornr The boy into whose desolnte
home she had Just been bringing Hight
pulled himself loose Yes M" he said
If sposc dere was n good deal o
cussln de day you WINS born."-Sar
Francisco Wave.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
Gu sARo uTYo uRRY Is.


AT Sheffield ~Sand. recently Gu.
was riding On double deck electrical
car. and single deck car passed In the
opposite direction The rope Of the
trolley boom of the latter was flying
In the wind and 1t wound itself around
the passengers neck. Fortunately he
had the presence of mind to seize the
rope with both hands and release him
self or he would probably have been
pulled from the car.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
A SERENADE OF WOLVES.
How One wns started In the Ma
tionnI Zoo Mt Washington.

How One WINS started In the Ma
tionnI Zoo mt Washington.
In The Century Ernest Seton-Thomp-
son, who used 20 be known as wolf"
Thompson from his familiarity with
this particular form of wild animal,
tells how he started a wolf sercnade at
the National zoo In Washington.
While making these notes among the
animals of the Washington zoo | used
TO go ut all hours to see them. Late
one evening | sat down with some
friends by the wolf cages In the light
of full moon, said, Let us see
whether they have forgotten the music
of the west | put up my hands to
my mouth and howled the hunting
song of the pack. The first TO respond
was Il coyote from the plains. He re-
membered the wild music that used to
mean plcl,ings for him. lie put up his
muzzlc and 'yap capped" and howled.
Next an old wolf from Colorado came
running out, looked aud listened ear
ncstly, and, raising her snout to the
proper angle, she took up the Wild
strain Then all the others came run
hihg Out ana joined In, each according
TO his voice, but all singing that Wild
wolf hunting song, bowling and yell
Ing, rolling and swelling. high and low,
In the cadence of the hills.
They sang ne their song Of the west, the west;
They set all my feelings aglaw;
They Stirred up my heart with their artess art
Aud their song Of the long ago.
Again and again they raised the cry
and sang In chorus till the whole NOON
lit wood around was ringing with the
grim refrain until the inhabitants In
the near city must have thought all
the BEASTS broken loose. But at length
their clauor died away, and the wolves
returned. skunk back TO their dcns, ST.
lcntly sadly. | thought, us though they
renlized that they could indeed join in
the hunting song IA of old, but their
hunting days were forever done.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
Tic sIrenle.s sexen.

There were seven u tie T." said
one OF the discharged Jurors II speak
Ing or the matter nest morning. who
aidnt Wait 10 sleep themselves and
Koulda' I - He rest cf rs sleep When
ever We G0ap,d into doze. they came
around and sliuok W. iii VIZ were wide
awake again
And yor had To aubHli suppose,
for they constituted the maJorityT
YES. they were the fouaiug majorl-
IT," said the hollow eyed juror. with
penslye attempt to be facrtious. Chi.
cago Tribune
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
THEY TOOK CHANCES.
ALL WERE WILLING TO RISK THE CIR
Gus POSTERS AGAIN.
Zap Perkins, the Jericho Postmas-
ter, Tells the Arguments That
Were Used, the P'ints That Were
Made and How the Decision Came,

ter, Tells the Arguments That
Were Used, the P'ints That Were
Made and How the Decision Came.
Copyright. 1900. by c. b. I.ewls.l
II was Moses Harper who begun It,
Some one told him that a circus ad.
vertisin wagon was slowly but surely
approaching the town of Jericho, and
he let II be known that he would show
up at the postoliice in the evenin and
have sunthln to say to interest the hull
United States. Nobody could guess
whether Moses had found new way
of gittin hired man up at 1 o'clock in
the mornn or was goin TO experiment
on CROWN broomsticks. and the crowd
was holdln Its breath when he showed
up. Moses didn't lose no valuable time
tryin to lind out whether Porto Rico
belonged to the United States or TO Il
tobacco trust. but put on his spectaeles
and said:
"Citlzens OF Jerlcho-The tocsin has
sounded, and We are here tonight to
counsel together In the cause of moral
ity, Last year, as most of you know,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
MRS. OuPHANTiS LAST VERSES.

dictated on jane Z. ISL
On the edge Of the world | lie | lie,
liarpy sni dying aud dazej and poor,
Looking up from the vast great door
OF the infinite world that rises above
To G9i aai 10 faith aai 10 love, love, loyel
What words have TO that world to speak,
Old and weary and ea4,d ani weak
From the very loN 10 the very high'
OHl, this. and this Is all
Ffem tie fresh green seil to tie wide Llue sky
From greatness Ia Sslarinoss Ike 10 death.
oae God have W OF whom 10 cali
One great boui from which noae can fall;
Love glow, which is III. aud breath,
Aai Love above. which sust4iheth all.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

"stimler's collar button rolled under
the bureau"
yes"
"And he 'slcked' his daehshund after
It."
"Go on
'"fhe bureau Is heavy and stands
close to the tio0r."
Proceed
'1he dachshund Is the thlnnest
dachshund that ever breathed, and he
could just squeeze under the bureau"
Well"
well, the dachshund reached the
collar button and ut once swallowed 1t.
1t stuck half way down and thlckcncd
the dog 80 that he couldn't pull himself
past the lump So Stlmler had 10 call
In the ianltor OF the fiat, and they lift
cd the bureau off the dog
what about the bultonf"
"Stimler said he'd let the dog keep
the button. He might need It,"
Need IT."
Yes. IN case somebody collarcd hl:l."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

A real scene OF troops In action hard
ly exists Pictures Of them are taken
at odd spells aud out Of dangers reach.
guns and troops being used for the
purpose
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

Bavaria boasts that II has the longest
lightning conductor In tho world. 1t
rises some yards above the top OF the
meteorological station On the Iug
Spite, the highest point III the German
empire AMI runs down the side Of
the mountain to the bottom Of the Iiol.
lenthaI. whore there Is running water
all the year round The length Of The
rod Is Ave and bali kllomcters, nearly
three miles and half
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

Good chairs are the most difficult
pieces Of old furniture to find. They
received harder use than other pieces
Of furniture and consequently wore
out qulc:-r
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
Tonight
If your liver is out Of order, causing
Bliousness, Sick Headache, Heart
burn. or Constipation, take dose Oi
HOODS Pills

on retiring, and tomorrow your d.
gestiye organs will be regulated and
you will be bright, active and ready
for any kind OF work. This has
been the experience Of others; 1t
Will be yours. HOODS PILLS are
sold by all medicine dealers. % cts.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

"Whcrc have you been until this
shamefully unreasonable hour|
"Becn sitting In quick repair shop,
my dear, waiting for my only pair of
Shoes Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
The Lambertyille Record !:
PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY.
sE- TERMS, $3.50 PER YEAR.
CLARK PERSON.
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER.
ADVERTISING RATES.

/ Square about / | inohes), / time, 10
/ =" " " times, I.26
A diminished ratio for large advertisements
and for those running ior long periods,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
LIE TnnIc the Hint

at is my aim In life" he saId ito
make men happier"
"Why not womenT she asked.--Chl'
enRo Post
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

'Phwas livery place covered In Noah's
food, Dlnny?"
"All but tn city of Cork, Larry.
Chicago News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
Nnt All.

Teacher tsuspiciously)-Who wrote
your composition, JOHNNY
Johnny-M father.
"Wlat all Of III"
"6'm helped him. Truth.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
HIRED GIRLS PROGRESS.
Fable showing Wisdom of silence
Concerning Some Things.

Concerning Some Things.
once upon time there came Into the
city from the country II girl. The girl
wandered from her happy home to Sc.
cure employment among the wealthy
families of the city, md when she
made known the fact thnt she was
willing to work many persons sought
her and implored her TO engage With
them In domestic pursuits. The girl
was overwhelmed with offers. but final
~ made "A selection and settled in Il
family that valued her services very
highly. The Elfl was happy until one
day her employer met n nclghbor, II
very dear friend. and told her of hef
good fortune In finding the country
girl And this ncighbor met another
very dear friend and told her of hel
other friends good luck, and thus did
It become generally known that there
was good "hlred girl" IA the neigh.
borhood.
And from that time on the mistress
and the girl were unhappy untll one
day the very dear friend gave the girl
S160 more Il week than she was earn
ing In her first place, and In this man
ner did the girl become happy again,
while her mistress and the very dear
friend ceased to be Oh speaking terms.
And then the girl became unhappy
again until the other very dear friend
engaged her at an advance Of 81, and
the other dear friend and the first dear
friend ceased to talk over the back
a II. 4
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

Truth is as impossible TO be soiled
Sy any outward touch as the sunbeam.
Milton
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

A philosopher says that every failure
Is a step toward success This *
plains why some men become richer
every line they fail. Chicago News
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27

1t Ia unfortunate that every ones
memory IS hes, IA retaining things 1t
would be more geutrrl to forget Atcb.
loon Globe
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
.IrIl.O. rhe NeM ne.serl.

pleases all the family Four hayors;-Lemon,
Orange, Raspberry and Strawberry. At your
grocers 10 ctl. Try to-day.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1900-06-27
SHAKESPEAREAN PARTS.
The Melancholy Dane liz the Longest
Of Them All.

The Melancholy Dane liz the Longest
Of Them All.
The longest part In any Shakespeare
nm plny Is Hamlet who IL before the
audience almost constantly. Hamlet Is
n constant talller, and 1t Is surprising
that In the circumstances he says so
many wise things. lie hns TO his share
1,5G9 lines. Richard Ill is another long
part, ms tho character speaks 1,16l
lines. and next comes Iago, with LIZ
lines. Henry V has l ,063 lines.
one would suppose from seeing the
representation or from looking over the
play that Othello had more lines than
Iago but 1t is not the case, for the val
liant Moor has only SSS lines. Corlola-
nus has $50, the Duke In "Mcasure For
Measure" $50 aud rlmon ss3. Antony
in ANTONY ana Cleopatra" does not
seem II very long pnrt Judging by the
appearance Of the prompt book, but In
reality he has $50 lines.
Erutus IN Julius Caesar" has TT,
Falstaff in "Itenly w TO. Macbeth
appears long part Judging from how
much he is on the stage In tho repre-
ntliiNI'ilf hhl ~ AH'l iIS ihp bii9 fNt
lines. Romeo has 0lS. which IL only
few more than the King In Hamlet"
who has 5Jl. Cnssius In Julius Cn-
sar," although II first class part, has
but 501 lines.
The female parts In Shakcspcare'a
plays are not very long. The actress
who plays rortin has $50 lines TO
study. Rosalind has 10. Cleopatra
has go ANA Juliet oil, Dcsdcmona
has only $50 Beatrice has 300. only
20 of Shakcspeare's women have more
than 800 lines each, aud some of the
most famous Of the great bard's feml-
nine creations have comparatively lit
tie to say. Gordella IN liking Lear"
has only 115 lines, Kate I'm flaming Of
the Shrew." although so conspicuous
and yolublc, hns but DO, while Lady
Macbeth has but Ill Baltimore Amer
iCnn.
Moon YIewn From the Grant Tomb.
Persons Of romantic temperament
have discovered that the best place In
New York from which TO watch the
moon rising IN the east Is the porch OF
General Grants tomb. Standing, as IL
does. away from all other buildings.
Mt the highest part of the riverside
drive, with the beautiful Hudson river
flowing softly along n hundred feet be-
low, the noble cdi1cc in which lies tho
hero is az full Of poctical charm rs the
Alhambra itself. AS the moon rises
one can see the rays touching column
after column Of the mausoleum, throw
Ing into deeper shadow the recesses
and giving the whole building an ethe-
real aspect which Is striklngly bcauti-
ful. Young couples who are strolling
along the drive make IL point to 20
up TO the tomb to watch the moon rise,
and the idea Is becoming SO popular
that the charm Of solitude at least has
certainly departed.-Ncw York Letter
In Pittsburg Dispatch.
The sun., 1900-05-03
How IsmaiI Renal Escaped.

Constantinople, May 2.-lt is now
learned that Ismai Kemal Bey. well
known for his friendincss for Great Brit
ain. who was recently appointed vail of
Tripoli, which appointment was tanta-
mount to exile, and who was reported
April 30 to hay" mystcrously disappear
ed, has, with his three sons, got safely
out Of Constantinople on board the
Egyptian steamer Rubattin, on route for
Europe. 1t develops that when ISinail
Kemal Boy disappeared he boarded the
British gunboat Salamandcr and claimed
an asylum, which was Immediately grant
ed to him.
The sun., 1900-05-03
FINANCIAL and TRADE.

Excepting American Sugar-vhich has
: way OF moving contrary to the general
1illt-the market was heavy. Tennessee
Coal and Iron was indeed radically
weak. Gold engagements to the total Of
% 0OO,OOO and fear of extensive labor
troubles furnish the explanation. The
gold outflow is of no consequence be-
cause It is perfectly natural and because
me United States has gold to spare. The
'aoor question is, however, quite another
matter. At the present time 600 rail-
road men are out on strike in Buffalo,
and symptoms of unrest among the
laoorlng elements are in evidence at
many important centres. The situation
among the coal miners is a threatening
one: Ii the bituminous workers sue
ceed in their demands, the anthracite
coal miners are almost certain to rise.
Then, too, the Presidential campaign is
coming apace with all it's many disturb
ing possibilities.
These are the problems that confront
the stock market, and wilhelm view of
the, general prosperity-thev may not
lead to any extensive liquidation, they
are certainly not encouraging to possible
buyers. The result is professional
market. which generally means a lower
one. Under such circumstances specu-
latiye traders on the floor of the Stock
Exchange find it easier to make profits
pv selling borrowed stocks for moderate
d, clnes than to buy for rise.
The sun., 1900-05-03
Closing prices:
General Markets.

New York. Maya.
FLOUR-State and western moderately
active and held shade higher: Minnesots
patents, S3. .7Oa3.95; winter straights, S3.45a850
winter extras, S2.6Oa:85 winter patents, S3lt
a3.90.
WHEAT-Fairly active and firm this morn.
ing on English cables, the strong cash position
and fears of frost west; May. 73I8a73ssc.; July,
13lea73s4c.; September, 7416a74ssc.
RYE-Dull; state, 56a5Tc. C. /. f., New York
carlots; No. 2 western, 604c., I. o. b. afoat.
communicative, but in view of better crop
news well sustained, being helped by wheat,
May. 46ssa4616c; July. 46lsa469sc.
OATS-Slow, but steady; track. white. state,
2slsa34c.; track. white. western, 2SI6a34c.
PORK Quiet; mess, Sl3.25a13.50; family,
Sl4.5Oa15.
LARD-Weak; prime western steam, I.30c.
BUTTER-Firm; state dairy, l5alS1sc.; state
creamery. lGa2Oc.
CHEESE-Weak; fancy, large. white, l0S4a
lie fancy, small, white, l0y6al0Ac.
EGGS-Firm; state and Pennsylvania, at
mark, l3alSyec storage, western, at mark,
l3al iLc.
SUGAR-Raw steady; fair refining, 8 l5-l6c.;
centrifugal. 81 test, ll-lGc. refined steady,
crushed, 655c.; powdered, j.25c,
TURPENTINE-Stea ut 50l5a51c.
MOLASSES-Steady; New Orleans. 44a55c.
RlCE-Steady; domestic, 41sa61sc.; Japan
4Aa456c.
TALLoW-steady; city, 516a5Ac.; country
b1Sa5ssc
HAY-Quiet shipping, 65a75c.; good te
choice, eOayOc.
The sun., 1900-05-03
The New Cuban Tariff.

Washington. May 2.-The war depart
ment has decided that the revised Cuban
tariff shall 90 into operation June 15
next. The Official Gazette of Havans
will on May Is begin publication of the
repertory, indicating the extent and
character of the changes made in the ex.
listing tariff schedules. 1t is stated that
the purpose of the revision was to make
good grave defects in the Porter tariff
which experience has developed. The
principal fault which is sought to be
cured is the inadequacy of the Porter
tariff as "A revenue producer, and it also
is sought in the revision to stimulate the
introduction into Cuba of American
goods
The sun., 1900-05-03
pitched Battles with strikers.

Jersey City, May 2.-The Oxford Cop
per works at Constable Hook, n. j.. have
shut down entirely. -Four hundred and
fifty men went on strike and about 30
men who reported for duty were intimidat-
ed by the strikers and were compelled to
quit. Every time man willing to work
attempted to enter the copper works he
was assailed with shower of stones and
other missiles. Several times small groups
of men endeavored to enter the works to-
gether and when assailed 10y the strikers
pitched battles followed. Several of the
strikers were arrested. The police re-
serves of Bayonne were called out, and
the whole force is on duty.
The sun., 1900-05-03
A Scandal In Mexico.

City of Mexico, May 2.-An important
arrest has been made in Chil:pa, state
of Guerrero, the prisoner being no less
a person than Colonel Vega, who Is civil
chief of that district, a position resem
bling somewhat that of United States
marshal. He is believed to have guilty
knowledge Of facts in the case Of the as
sassination of two prominent Frenchmen
in that district some months ago. II
was alleged at the time that Messrs.
Courtmont and Dupin got into quarrel
with Indians, who resented their going
there on an exploring expedition.