The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-07-22
The Wasted Epitaph


among the trees where the duel was L
S take place. The sun had scarcely riser
Yet, and Mr. Bodmin thought with pro
found grief that il was only yes,erda.
:. that the great dictionary had been nm
, lshed, and only last night that the doc
tor had he'd levee OF his admirers II
the Green Lion coffee-hOuse 10 cele
brate the event. Unfortunately, Si- Ed
ward Browne, being the worse for wine
had ventured 70 dispute with the doctoi
as TO the meaning of "Zythus.'
"A malt liquor used by the Egyptians,
said the doctor, as one with authority.
"A connection made from crocodi es
tears and lotus leaves" persisted 'Sil
Edward viciously.
Sir, you are impertinent," sail The
doctor. 1T is malt liquor sucn as you
yourself would do well TO cultivate in
place of the more heady Palerniap.
The doctor had accepted the invitation
to duel with his customary equanm-
ity. He did not know one end of the
pistol from another, and Ar. Bodmin
was overcome with double fear, being
convinced, firstly, that the doctor would
be shot down like a sheep 1y nI5 an
tagonist-a noted duelist; secondly. taaI
il his great concern TO fliisa the COM
position of an epi,aph which had 81
ready thrown him into a brown stuGy,
the doctor would either forge 10 pun
his trigger at all or else shoot one -
the seconds-either of which iuishaI {
would be counted to him as 4 d!saonor.
But Mr.. Bodmin was too faithful an az
mirer to refuse the post of second.
THE hasty manner, said Dr.. kitter-
/ ly, as they got out, 'in which affairs
! involving an appeal to the ultima ralIo
are brought to a conclusion appears 10
me to be as intolerable to the Individual
as it is disgraceful 10 the community.
Have you been unable to complete
it?' asked Mr.. Bodmin, knowing thar
the doctor was thinking of the short
time allowed for his epitaph.
Sir" said DR.. Kittery, my epjtaph
may be ephemeral in duration, and must
be less than ephemeral in construction.
But 1 beg to remind you that Il vas
at midnight 1 disagreed with Sir edward
on the subject of zythus, that three CT
my hours since have been dcI oted to
slumber, and that one hour and ,Griy
minutes have been consumed driving 10
this glade in that rackety ca5rin ct Sou
then ask me if 1 have completed l'y
epitaph. My answer is: 40, sir. 1 have
not"
But you have affected something"
urged Mr. Bodmin, knowing thar th=-e
was no chance of the doctor attending to
his pistol while the epita3n remained
unfinished.
If 1 had effected nothing" said the
doctor, 81 should be a fool"
Pray let me hear what y3I have COM
posed said Mr.. Bodmin, apoogs tically.
Your Interruptions are 'nsu1fera oie,"
said the doctor, severely, bat it IS my
intention to recite the lines to you, in
order that you may record them in your
notebook. They are to this effect
. Stranger, here Kittery hes-observe his
Slain by the reeking tubes unerring
ball."
Admirable" murmured Mr.. Bodmin
" The reeking tubes unerring balr-ex-
cellent!"
THE phrase, no doubt, has a classic
ring said the doctor, gratified, put an
apitaph should be essentially commem-
orative. This only commentaries my
death; my more important Achievements /
are neglected"
They speak for themselves" said Mr. |
Bodmin You could not improve on
your present lines
Possibly l may be permitted, sir, to |
consider myself as great an authority |
on the subject of epitaphs as YOU" said .
the doctor, nisliking this laudation
Certainly, certainly" said Mr.. Bod
min, in haste.
Very well. sir. 1 maintain that the
apitaph is not complete 1t will be my
endeavor to remedy it during the five
of existence that still remain to
me-"
Mr.. Bodmin clasped his hands in de-
;pair. Here they were already on the
ground and Sir Edward Brownies second
already at him to measure out the PAGES
md load the pistols.
DIR. Kittery will not agree to Sir Ed
wards version of Zythus?" inquired this
gentleman.
mo. sir" said Mr. Bodmin, sadly.
DR.. Kittery is not in the habit Of
greeing to anything that mislikes him.
Nor Sir Edward"
Then. the affair must proceed?" said
Ir. BOdmin.
Undoubtedly
Meanwhile the doctor moved up ard
own abstractedly, shifting his specta-
les as an idea came or escaped him.
Il shall be compelled" he murmured,
TO alter both lines. Here, in this urn
an invaluable Romanism), proud stran-
er. Kittery.' No, that violates the rule !.
hat substantives must be separated"
e Proud stranger" Eh-what?" !
Mr.. BOdmin, paler than before, had
ONE up, and was pressing a pistol into /
is hand. IT'S loaded he said, as he D
ID the doctor 10 his position
The doctor took it absently, murmuring
} himself: Here in this urn
You Will not, I beseech you, forget 10 =
Ill the trigger when Sir Edwards sec
nd deops his kerchief?' said Mr.. Bod =
in. =
Yes, yes" said the doctor. impatient +
interruption. Here in this urn the !
1nes of Kittery-" {
H. went on Mr.. Bodmin. greatly :,
airing, you will but keep your pistol :
raight at St Edward, you may by Z
nance hit him. 0
If you will but oblige me-" said the =
)ctor, by ceasing 10 chatter, nave Z
e epitaph on the tip of my tongue e
Gentlemen" announced the ether sec =
Id, I shall ask you If you are ready? !"
punt three and drop my hand&erchi. f. u
either reserves his fire he shall fall -
my hand.' l,
Remember" said Mr.. Bodmin. rniser- II
oly. slowly tearing himself away 6
Here in this urn the bones Of Kit -
" bide,' returned the doctor, for
5rds he lived" I'll
Are you ready, gentlemen? One" q
And for a word" continued the doc 20
.Twol Threer' III
He died" said the doctor. half turn a
: 10 Nj Bodmin. ~
At the same moment the 'kerch.ef fell. ~
q two pistols rang out in unis51. Nr -
5dmin, shrinking into himself with hoT- y
:. saw the doctors hat revolye sudden ~
on his head Sir Edward threw ID az
hands and fell forward. 81
You've hi him" cried Mr. Bodlin. Of
umDaantly
Hit whom?" said the doctor. sur
sed Sir Edward2 ImPoss.b'e!'-
But. 7 assure you, IL Is true" said
+. Bodnin. and indeed il was beyond hi
Got The case. t7i