The Red Cloud chief., 1900-12-21
PICKED UP FRESH.

u Nv
man has the better he seems to enjoy
life.
A man always knows how to govern
his wife, but the trouble is she wont let
him do IL.
When a woman has nothing else to
wish for she begins to wish that her
husband vas different.
Business is business, unless the Gus.
toner happens to be a womon, and
then it becomes strategy.
There are wives who drive their hus.
bands TO drink, and there are lots Of
husbands who would like to have just
such wives.
An exchange wants to know what
has become Of Bryan Might as well
ask what has become of Benedict Ar.
mold and jefferson Davis.
A crazy man escaped from the asyl.
um in Missouri and after a two days
search the authorities founi him sit.
tlnk On u july III INC Couib'
A great many times during the day
a business man becomes convinced
that he Is paying telephone rent to
hear his clerks make dates.
Every time some women and girls
get in front Of q looking glass and
scrub they realize how much they owe
to face bleach, powder and paint.
A Chicago girls awkward fall from
her wheel led to her getting a husband.
Many other young wheel women will
doubtless tumble to the trick at once.
Husbands should remember that a
kiss or a hug administered to the cook
in the morning--Do matter who she
may be-generally insures a good din.
ner.
The fellow that tries to kill himself
because some sweet ducky Of a girl has
fooled him, has not the slightest con
ception of the old phrase there are
Others"
A learned doctor gives it as his opin.
ion that tight lacing is a great public
benefit, because it kills of the foolish
girls and leaves the wise only to be
women.
There was . time when boys went to
college to acquire an education. They
now 60 to play football, smoke cigar
cites, chew ~"tobacky" and acquire
other like accomplishments.
A correspondent wants to know what
United States senators get? They get
$4,000 per year, clerk hire, mileage,
free passes, profits on sugar stock,
garden seeds and free drinks as a rule.
After all, it is doubtful il it is not a
waste Of time to teach the girls Latin
and Greek. They generally get a com.
mon place husband and then get
abused all the rest Of their lives be.
cause they can't cook.
The most pitiful thing at a church
social is to see an ''old girl" who has
been laboring for the Lord for years
and who has probably baked most OF
the cakes and did more than her share
of the work for the occasion, have to
sit at one of the rear tables and ca,
alone.
The CHIEF Calculate ng Pencil ems
bles any one to figure faster han the
brightest brain can without its aid. A
twist of the wrist brings the result
Instructive, interesting and highly
useful. From this date we will give
one with each dollar paid on subscrip
ton.
II you have frequent headaches, diz
illness and fainting spells, accompanied
= by chills, chilblains, epilepsy, jaundic,
or constipation, 1t is q sign that yO'
!, are not well, and are liable to die an.
day. Paw your subscription a year il
advance and thus make yourself SOLE
for q good obituary notice.
And now comes the news that tn
Pure Food Company Of Chicago ha
failed. The reason assigned was tina
it was impossible for the pure foo
company to succeed without a it'll
sand in the sugar, ammonia in the bal
ing powder, chicory in the coffee, dea
flies in the currants, worms in III
peaches, wooden nutmegs and sci
vinegar.
There's no use talking, this old worl
isn't at all like a novel, In move
when a girl gets sick she gets pale an
big eyed, and looks like an angel in
: white, loose thing that might be
> wrapper-and might not be. In re;
life she has a red nose, swelled eye
her hair il out of crimp. she has a RI