davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
OUR BUDGET OF HUMOR.
LAucHTER.PRovoKlNc STORIES FOR
LOVERS OF FUN.

Her Literary Defciency-The Main Point
His Own - Desperation - His Best
Hope-Not Very Consoling-The Spirit
of Research-Com For Dinner, Etc.
She could talk about the classics In a very
knowing way;
She was fine In mathematics and In art
made some display;
She was cultured and accomplished both
in poetry and song,
But whene'er she read cook Rockwell,
she somehow got it wrong.
Washington Star.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
The Wrong Line.

cts too bad" said the condo!ins
friend. ST thought you were right in
line of promotion
NO." mournfully replied the man
who had lost his Job. 81 was right in
the firing line Chicago Tribune
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
He Would Invite Trouble.

Mother-"Stop pounding your little
brother, Margie. What do you mean
by treating him in that manner"
Margie-"Well, mamma, told him
we had better play we were engaged.
but he would play we were married. "
philadelphia Press.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

"This cartoon of yours has certain
element of humor in it, remarked
the Paris Scavengeur.
eyes," answered the artist. Il
tried to supply that"
"Well, don't do it again. 1t de-
stroys the artistic symmetry OF your
work. You must try to learn to be
vulgar without being funny"
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
beauty II Blood Deep.

Clean blood means clean skin. No
beauty without it. Cascarets, Candy, Cathar
tic clean your blood and keep it clean, by
stirring up the lazy liver and driving all I'm
Danish pimples, boils, blotches, blackheads
and that sickly bilious complexion by taking
Cascarets,-beauty for ten cents. All drug
gsts, satisfaction guaranteed, loc, 25c, Doc.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
Company For Dinner.

Tommy Jones-'I didn't eat half
enough dinnar."
Jimmy -"What'd you have
fer dinrer?"
Tommy Jones'" Company. Ohio
State journal.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
In Thorough subjection.

Mr.. Meeker, who had gone to the
trout door to answer the postman's
ring, put his head inside the door OF
the room where his wife was sitting.
"It's letter for me, my dear. he
said. "Shall L open it?"-Chicago
Tribune
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
A Discreet Retreat.

"My French professor went home
and wrote to me that he couldn't teach
me any longer except by mail. :"
"Why not?"
Gle said my pronunciation threat
ened to ruin his"
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
No One Nigh,

IN surprised at youl Could
ell he was going 10 kiss you?
ter-Yes, ma, but there was
ne for me to tell except him, and
knew it already.-Philade
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

'I must confess to a great deal OF
egotism," said Willie Washington.
"Indeed?" responded Miss Cay
enne.
eyes. I think about myself en-
tirely too much.
ooh, that isn't egotism. That's
merely the usual human tendency to
worry over triaes. Washington Star.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
Don't Tobacco spit and Smoke Your life Away.

To quit tobacco easily and forever, be mag
netic. full of life, nerve and vigor, take MOTTO.
BAG, the wonder-worker that makes weak men
strong. All druggists, SOC or 81. Cure guaran'
teed Booklet and sample free.f Address
Sterling Remedy Co, Chicago or New York
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Ostend (reading q book of poems)
."Pa, when was the romantic age?"
Pa-"When 1 was twenty, Ostend."
Chicago News.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Though the German Emperor employs Ber-
lin tailors he believes in giving provincials
employment also. In every important town
there is n court tailor who occasionally has
the honor of supplying the Emperor with a
uniform.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
Not Very Consoling.

Humorist-'"T he editor makes fun
of my jokes"
Spscer-"Well, I don't see that you
have any kick coming. That's more
than you are able to do.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

VITALITY low, debilitated or exhausted cured
by DIR. Kline's Invigorating Tonic. FREE 81
trial bottle for 2 weeks treatment. DR.. Kline,
Id. 93l Arch St, Philadelphia. Founded 1871.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
Tho Main Point.

"Kirby Skaggs Is great talker."
"Does he ever say anything?"
Chicago Record.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

''I hear about the fool-killer some
times. Who is hep" asked Cholly.
"There isn't any fool-killer!' re-
piled the other man, sayagely.
cago Tribune.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
The Spirit of Research

"Ma, oh, MAJ
"What is it, Georgie?"
''If you had married somebody else
sides pa would 1 ha' had red hair or
black hair ?'-Indianapolis Journal.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

number of waves required to
the sensation of red as they
pom the eye must he % OF
il and All, 000,00P W,
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

The age of the decease of philosophers was:
Spinoza, Al; Descartes, SO; Hegel, bl; Aristot1e,
62: Socrates, So; Leibnitz 10; Linnaeus, 10;
Copernicus 10; Calico, 7S; Kant ~; Plato
81; Newton, 81; Humboldt, ".
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
The Trail of the sleuth.

First Detective-''That was very
neat piece of work. How did you
guess that man was a woman in dis
guise?"
Second Detective-"I asked him
why he was sitting there and he laid
Because. New York Press.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

He that aspires to be the head Of a party
will find it more difficult to please his friends
than to perplex his foes.-Colton.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

"Can you give me no hope?" he
wildly cried.
YES" sweetly smiled the young
girl; ''if you go out very quietly papa
may not hear you.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

There is no beautfier of complexion or form
or behavior like the wish to scatter JOY, and
not pain, around us.-Emcrson.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

There are large furniture stores in johann
Beers have their houses furnished in the
most modern styles. In 1898 the imports OF
wooden furniture alone were valued at
2Ill2UU0
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Sweat and fruit acids will not diseolor
goods dyed with PUTNAM FADELEss DYES
Sold by all druggists
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Educate Your Bowels With Cascarets.
Candy Cathartic, cure constipation forever.
a0c Csc. II C. G. c. fail, druggists refund money.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
A Sure Test.

care you sure she is as gentle and
patient and amiable as she seems?"
asked the friend.
"Not quite sure" answered the
young man who is in love, 'but I'm
going to find out"
"How?" Z
'I'm going to get her to call some
body up over long distance tele'
phone and then watch her"
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Spiral armlets of copper form good protec.
ton for the arm in bal tie, and the King or
Dahomey uses his as defensive weapons.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

A New Jersey Judge has decided that it is
not justifable for the owner of an orchard to
shoot boys who are stealing his apples.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

\ Impatient people, according to Bacon, are
Ike the bees, and kill = mselves in singing
hers Geor~o Fit
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

The parliament building in Wellington,
New Zealand, is the largest wooden structure
In the world.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Henry James is out with a denial that ne
dictates his stories. He says that he writes
times before they go to the publisher. he be-
1ieves that no good work can come OF dlota-
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Miss Pepprey-"Why, she doesn't
look as if she knew her own name.
Miss hewitt" doesn't, half the
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
Danger of Business Education.

'aThis love letter that you wrote to
me" she said, and then paused in
quiringly.
"Well, what of it?" be asked.
81 rotice," she answered, "that it
has been manifolded.
Chang it ALL" he explained, as he
damned his hat down on his head and
started for the door; II never did be-
lieve in giving woman a business edu-
cation. Chicago Post.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
The Best Prescription for Chills

and Fever is a bottle of GROVES TAsTELEss
CHILL Tonic. 1t is simply iron anu quinine In
a tasteless form. No cure-no pay. Price soc.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

For ,,..s Uot -, .-iso's Cure is sue
cessfll remedy1M z. DIETER, 81 Throop Ave-.
Brooklyn, N. Y. Nov. IA. 1894.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

To Cure a Cold In One Day.
Take LAXATIVE BRoMo QUIsIEE TABLETS. All
druggists refund the money If it fails to cure
L. W. GROVES signature Is on each box. 25c
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

To Cure Constipation Forever.
Take Cascarets Candy Cathartic.. 1oe or 2oc.
II C. c. C. fail to cure druggists refund money
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
Mss PennreY-"Really?"

MISS 7 tPPI6J IVO"tIJ
Miss Newitt-''Yes, You know she
married a Polish nobleman. "-Phlla-
delphia Press.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29
Happy
Woza,ez,

% have been relieved of
fM 7sensfruafion by
E. Pinkhasss's Neye-
n,P0und, are CON-
writing grateful
VS. Pinkians.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Why do they ever buy white horses
to draw coal carts?
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

DR.. Hobbs Sparagus Pills cure all kidney Ills. San
pie free. Add. Sterling Remedy Co.. Chicago or N.
The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1900-03-29

Syrup for children
reduces infamma-
collie. 25c. a bottle.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

By the rule adopted at the Republican State
Convention at Parkersburg in 1896 mo county
shall send to the convention more delegates than
it is entitled to by the apporuionment" That IS if
Harrison county is entitled to thirty votes in the
mex: State convention she must not send more than
thirty de egates The excess will not be received
z lis rule became necessary because of theunwiedy
aracter Of larger bodies and because some coun
j v, >. disposed 10 pack the convention with
favor. u u S me particular candidates.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30
GOV. TAYLoR's LETTER TO WEST VIRGINIA
REPUBLICANS HIS ADVICE
Hun. WIN. Burlette Matthews, President Republi:
STATE OF KENTUCKY. !
EXECUTIVE DEPARTMENT, :

Hon. VIM Burlette Mathews President Republi-
can Convention :
Dear Sir IL have received your favor inclos-
ing copy of the resolutions adopted by the State
League of Republican clubs of West Virginia. l
desire to express to you my sncerest gratitude for
the cordial support which your people are giving
to the Republicans of Kentucky. We are doing
the very best we can considering the surroundings.
do want toearncstly appeal to you and to the
Republicans of West Virginia, in the name of hui
manity and freedom never to permit the Demo
cratic party to get control of your State, unless
you want to surrender all that is dear to an Ameri-
can freeman. As certain as write this letter to-
day If you ever permit yourselves TO be ousted
from power it will be many year before you can
regain your civil liberties. The awful crime start
ed in the South 10 overcome the effects of the negro
vote has grown into such enormites that it is now
spreading over the bordering States, and they are
very ANXIOUS get West Virginia into their grip.
/ hope this calamity may be ayerted. Again thank
| ing you, l am Yours truly
| w. S. TAYLOR.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30
ours truly,
At the request of one of the ladies Of the W
W. S. TAYLOR.

Al the request of one of the ladies of the Wo
mans Christian Temperance Union of the city, the
Telegram willingly gives space to the following
addressed to the voter at the coming election:
I'VE do not mean TO anagonize condemn
the men, we do not mean to stand for party or
creed but we do condemn immortality. or drunken
ness and gambling devices, and stand for God and
the right. We feel deserving of censure ourselves
for the conditions of affairs, not for what we have
done so much. as lack Of loving sympathy and
earnest prayers to the extentit is our duty sis
tiers OF great brotherhood to give.
We are trusting in God to SO lead and direct
you in the municipal election that you will not
feel condemned in your own hearts. W. c. 7. U.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

The Telegram insists that the city should be
cleaned and kept clean, morally socially and ply
sically. There is no more reason excuse for
immortality in the city than there is for boils on
the person. and these never exist unless the Flood
is impure.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

The matter of nominating candidates for the
Supreme Bench of this State seems to have been
delegated to committees of the two leading parties
and the Bar Association That will be about as
satisfactory as all top heavy theories
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30
ANNOUNCEMENTS OF CANDIDATES.

The announcements of candidates should oe
fled in this office in time for the kilograms issue
Of April 6, 1900 at which time our columns wlii
be opened for that purpose. The usual charges 9
for such announcements will De MADE anu 'no
money should accompany them to insure 'hen
insertion.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

The thing to do is for all Republicans to unite
On A. B. White and give him unanimous nomi-
nation by reclamation and elect him, and this can
be done
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

- The Democratic National Convention and
prize fight between Fitzsimmons and Mccoy are
set for July 4th, 1900
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

While it may be true that the silver issue is as
empty as dinner horn, yet it is the main hope Of
the Bryanites for success in November.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

When inquiring for the Chief next year, ask
for Chllders at the mayors Office. If not in you
will find him in the discharge of his duties else
where.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30
S5 to $3.50.
NOTICE.

Everybody should patronize home
Industries rs much as possible. The
Consumers Ice Co. has just got started
and asks your patronage. You should
give them your orders as money spent
with them will remain in Clarksburg
and help to build up our city. 9.tf
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

There they are the two tickets next the voter.
Then somebody will be wondering where Moses was
when the light went out
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Charles Patton, miner at Mt Clare had his
face and hands slightly burned Wednesday by a
powder explosion, while he was attempting to
Shoot down block of coal.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

The Morgantown Post breaches a sermon in
its editorial column BE Man or Be a Mouse"
The tone indicates more or less" of both sorrow
and anger.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Hon. A. B. White has clean field candi-
date for Governor, and good Governor he will
make.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

In few we'll chosen words Mr.. ]. N. David
named the next Mayor.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Candidates for county offices, let US have your
announcements fo- next weeks paper. Bring them
in early.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

We feel sorry for you Will, but Pat will handle
the quill after few weeks
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Honest elections and true msortes should
and must control
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

The people will resent meddling with the bal
lot The right of the voter is as sacred as liberty
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Grille will again assess the property of the
city.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

E. N, Flowers is excellent material for school
commissioner
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Uncle Bill gets there every time, and the PEG,
pie stand by him.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Many are called. but few chosen. Who will
be the few? The voter will let you know
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30
CITY REPUBLICAN TICKET.

CITY REPUBLICAN TICKET.
For Mayor,
non. MAncELLus NJ. THOMPSON.
For Chief of Police,
JAMEsJ. cHILDERs.
supt. Of Streets and Com'r of Water Works.
WILLIAM II. ALEXANDER.
For Assessor,
LAFAYETTE c. Grille.
For Collector and Treasurer,
HERBERT L. DAVIS.
For Clerk,
PATRICK II. SHIELDS
School Commissioner,
DIR. e. NEWTON FLOWERS.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Collector Davis in few days.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

Mayor Thompson Your Honor. Here is greet
ing.
The Clarksburg telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1874-1926, 1900-03-30

be the few? The voter will let you know.
We feel sorry for you Will, but Pat will handle
the quill after few weeks.
Uncle Bill gets there every time, and the peo-
pie stand by him.
Collector Davis in few days.
In few we'll chosen words Mr. j. N. David
named the next Mayor.
E. N. Flowers is excellent material for school
commissioner
Grille will again assess the property of the
city.
The people will resent meddling with the bal
lot The right of the voter is sacred as liberty.
Honest elections and true mpjores should
and must control.
Candidates for county Offices let us have your
announcements fo- next weeks paper. Bring them
in early.
Hon. A. B. White has clean field as cand
date for Governor and good Governor he will
make.
While it may be true that the silver issue is as
empty as dinner horn, yet it is the main hope of
the Bryantes for success in November.
- The Democratic National Convention and a
prize fight between Fitzsimmons and Mccoy are
set for July 4th, 1900.
There they are the two tickets next the voter.
Then Soma,odv will he WONDERING where Moses was
when the light went out
When inquiring for the Chief next year, ask
for Chllders at the mayors Office. If not in you
will find him in the discharge of his duties else
where.
The thing to do is for all Republicans to unite
On A. B. White and give him unanimous nomi-
nation by reclamation and elect him, and this can
be done.
The Morgantown Post breaches sermon in
its editorial column BE Man or Be Mousse
The tone indicates more or less of both sorrow
and anger.
The matter of nominating candidates for the
Supreme Bench of this State seems to have beer
delegated to committees Of the two leading parties
and the Bar Association, That will be about as
satisfactory as all top heavy theories.
The Telegram insists that the city should be
cleaned and kept Clean morally, socially and ply
sically. There is no more reason excuse for
immortality in the city than there is for boils on
the person, and these never exist unless the Flood
is impure.
By the rule adopted at the Republican State
The age-herald., 1900-10-18
Mark Entertains the Voters in
 South Dakota. INTERRUPTED WITH QUESTIONS Handshaking Constituted Important Part of Days Programme-vis- ited by Delegation of Sioux
 Indians at Webster.

Huron, s. D., October 17-The special train bearing Senators Hanna and Frye travelled up and down through the counties of central South Dakota today. In the dis tricts where the vote, as a rule is close, and where farmers compose a greater part of the population. Fourteen stops were made during the day, Senator Hanna mak- ing speeches at Redfeld, Worthwhile, Gero- ton, Andover, Bristol Bradley, Elrod, Bry- ant, Lake Preston, Desmet and at lro- quois, Huron, Aberdeen and Webster. A great deal of spice was put into the speeches at times by sharp questioning on the part of the audiences, who desired to hear about trusts and imperialism, and were not slow to make their wishes known. This was true especially at Aberdeen, where Senator Hanna was constantly in- terrupted by questions regarding various phases of the trust issue. Senator Hanna appafently enjoyed these Interruptions and invariably answered them.
 During the afternoon, while the train was running through a thinly populated part of the State and stops were brief and infrequent, Senator Hanna spent about half hls time at the various stations shaking hands with the crowds, who nearly drag ged him from his car on one occasion in the effort to shake hands with him. At Webster he was visited in his car by delegation of Sioux Indians from the Sisse- ton Reservation These Indians are all voters. The most important meeting of the day was held tonight at Huron, where the train stopped for the night and where both Senators Hanna and Frye and Victor Deliver spoke
 At Webster MT. Hanna discussed the Philippines. He said:
 ''The question is whether we propose to hold the Philippines archipelago or sur- render to Aguinaldo."
 At Bryant Senator Frye spoke at some length Through this section Charles A. Towne has been recently speaking and Senator Frye devoted most of his time in combating the statements In regard to the treaty with the Sultan of Sulu which, he said, had been made by MT. Towne.
The age-herald., 1900-10-18
CERNANYS CHANCELLOR TENDERS
 HIS RESIGNATION ID THE EMPEROR

Berlin October 1.-The Kolneische Zei- tung asserts that Prince HoheIaohe has rendered his resignation as Imperial Cham cellor and that 1t has been accepted.
 According to the same authority, Emperor William has designated as the retiring Chancellor's successor Count von Buelow, Minister of Foreign Affairs.
 Although rumors had been current for several days that Prince Hohenlohe intend- ed to retire, little credence was given to any of them, since such reports had arisen periodically for several years past
 The fact is, neither the Foreign Office nor any other government department in Berlin knew until this evening of Prince Hohenlohe's retirement and Emperor Will liam's approval of 1t.
 The reasons which induced the prince to insist upon retiring were, in the main, his rapidly growing infrmties and his distinct disapproval of the Emperors personal policy in China. To his intimates Prince Hohenlohe during the last three months has repeatedly expressed strong criticisms upon what he has called the Kaiser's "sen- timental and impulsive interference in the troubles in China"
 Since Chinese matters assumed threat ening aspect in June Prince Hohenlohe has virtually abandoned the duties and prerog- atives with which the constitution clothes