Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, 1900-08-28

The watering carts of a certain Irish
cine advertisements. An innocent Irish
man from the rural districts looked at
one the other day, and remarked:
Faith, it's no wonder D. is healthy.
when they water the streets with
Jones sarsaparilia"'
Upon beholding some life-like snap
shots of himself for the first time in the
papers during the campaign of 1892,
the day after he had spoken in the
Academy of Music, Philadelphia, Sena
tor John Sherman is said to have re.
marked to a friend: We'll. well, our
time for criticising the newspaper men
is over. They have us to rights now.
Here am just as l am, and I'm carl
cature of what l have always thought
l was"
About the time of the collapse of the
Confederacy, ex-senator Wigfal was
crossing the Mississippi, making his
way to Texas. He assumed the char
acter of an ultra-Union man. On the
ferry boat with him was Federal Of
ficer, with whom Wigfall got into con-
versation. The officer confided to him
that he was chasing Wigfall. IF l fall
in with the traitor, I'll hang him to the
first tree" "Yes," vehemently remark
ed Wigfall, land 1 will be pulling at
one end"
There was one occasion when Sir
Henry Irving received from one of the
supernumeraries of the Lyceum Thea
ter in London an answer which seemed
to satisfy him. 1t was the mans duty
to say simply, 1.-The enemy is upon us"
which he uttered at rehearsal in poor,
whining way. Cant you say it bet
ter?" shouted Irving; repeat 1t as L
do And he gave the words with dig
nifty, with all his well-known dramatic
force. If could say it like that, re-
Piled the man, Il shouldn't be working
for twenty-five shillings a week.
A clergyman who gave evidence in
horsedealing case became somewhat
confused in his account of the transac-
ton in dispute, and the cross-eXamin-
ing counsel after making several blus-
tering but ineffective attempts to OBJ
said, Pray, sir, do you know the diff
ference between a horse and cow?"
Il acknowledge my ignorance" replied
the reverend gentleman; Il hardly
know the difference between a horse
and a COW, or between a bull and
bully-only bull, am told, has horns,
and a bully'-here he made respectful
hnxx- 70 hn a6ynaa to- ilv for
has none"
When the gallant Welsh captain, Da
yid Gam, was sent forward by Hen
ry V. to reconnoiter the French army
before the battle of Agincourt, he
found that the enemy outnumbered the
English by about five to one. His re-
port to the king is historic: There are
enough to be killed, enough to be taken
prisoners, and enough to run away"
This quaint forecast of the result of the
battle at once spread through the camp,
and doubtless every yeoman-archer of
the valiant company felt an inch taller.
We know that it was almost literally
justified by the event. Poor Cams dry
humor was equaled by his courage. He
the life of his prince.
Just before Max O'Rell" on. Paul
BloueD recently delivered lecture to
the students of religious college in the
East, one of the professors stepped for
ward and offered a prayer, in which he
said: "Oh, Lord, Thou knowest that
we work hard for Thee, and that recre
alton is necessary in order that we may
work with renewed vigor. We have to-
night with us gentleman from
France, whose criticisms are witty and
refined, but subtle; and we pray Thee
to so prepare our minds that we may
thoroughly understand and enjoy
them" Il am still wondering" said
O'Rell, whether my lectures are so
subtle as to need praying over. or
whether those particular auditors were
so dull that they needed divine assist
ance to help them out. OF one thing I
am morally certain-that they showed,
by their appreciation, that the profess
r.