The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-10-31

IRIS rumOreQ parsonage, -
And though with will they re hunting sllil,
Their efforts have but led
To hope uncrowned; they've never found
The man beneath the bed.
This is a time when acts sublime
Are due to sex of Eve,
AId who shall say, in coming coming day
WIZ one of her. to Christopher
Columbus genius wed,
Win need Of zeal, and yet reveal
The man beneath the bed2
Boston Courier.
Wilton-"Do you know, I'm in a guam
Gary"
Tilton-"Well what is it?''
Wilton-"Dr. Bloss gave me some stuff
&c. my appetite, and it was SO effectual
tlat il cost me nearly twice as much to
live as before. What puzzles me IS
whether | ought to pay the doctor Oh he
ought to pay me something. Boston
Transcript.
At small seaport town star actress
Of the third magnitude appeared as Ju-
let.
y cannot do justice to myself" she
said to the manager, ''if | do not have
limelight thrown on me when | appeal
ut the balcony"
I'VE amt got no limelight, miss, but
think we could get you a ships blue
light replied the obliging manager, and
to this the lady agreed.
The lad who went to the shop TO buy
the biuelight brought back a signal rock
ct, which was given to him by mistake.
The prompter took the rocket in good
faith.
Roemeo-"He jests at scars who never
feels wound
Juliet appears. Prompter lights
match.)
But, soft! What light through yon-
der window breaks?'
eThis was the match lighting the fuse.)
Arise, fair sum-
The sun, or rather, the rocket, did rise.
with terrific hiss. Juliet was knocked
off the balcony, the fly borders We're set
on fire, and the theater was filed with
sulphurous smoke. while the audience,
which was fortunately q small one, made
a stampede to the doors.
Since then Romeo and Juliet has al
ways been looked upon in that town as a
dramatic work that could not be wit
messed without personal danger.-New
World.
Little Charlie Cat supperl-"Grandma
do your glasses make things look big
ger?"
Grandma-"Yes, dearie. Why?"
Charlie-"Oh, l only thought if they
did, maybe you'd take 'em off while
you're cutting the cake. '-Polichinelle.
Football is my game" remarked the
gridiron
'Hoot: It isn't in it with the golf"
answered the tea caddy.
baseball for me, retorted the pitcher.
'b-Iz0-t n OEfineS r7inn - Sajd Tho
Cards for me-, suggested the poker.
Me, too said the coffee-pot and the
cooks kitten in chorus
'Pshaw, Yachting's the only" re-
marked the gravy boat.
Target practice for me-" replied the
range.
CARING whispered the upstairs
maids tongs.
Ladies' said the potato n1asher
hunting. limited the poacher.
'PoOze," hiccoughed the water tank
New York Commercial Advertiser.
Friend-"How does it come. Pushing
ton. that you, who have so frequently de-
nounced monopolies and combinations,
have sold your factory 10 the trust?''
Manufacturer =. well, I-ah.-discov-
cred that the best place to fight the octo-
pus is from the inside Life
Two well-dressed gentlemen visiting
London strolled in the vicinity OF a hand
some new structure.
Wonder what this is?" queried one,
casting his eye about for cornerstone
"Ah, there is an inscription on the wall.
Latin-funny place. to put it. Post No
bills Let's see I've forgotten most of
my Latin. What do you make out of it %
The other adjusted his eyeglasses,
surveyed the inscription and
Hum. Post means after Of course;
but 'nobils' gets away with me. Nobils.
nohils-nO. III have to give it up. Let's
inquire next door,"
Thereupon they sought out the intel
ligent custodian of the building, and put
their question.
What does that there inscription
mean!" the man repeated after them in Il
plying tone. 1T means just exactly
what 1t says, and 4Os fine into the bar
gain # You go posting any bills about this
place. ''-Tit-Bits.
Mamma" Ethel, must really forbid
you touching that lobster-you know it
edly-"Very well, mamma, but it does
seem as if everything in this world that
is nice is either wicked or indigestible. .
A lady went into a pastrycook's shop
the other day. On the counter were dis
played all sorts of toothsome dainties
The only attendant was a little girl
about 10 years Of age.
Isn't it a great temptation to you. my
dear?' asked the lacy, ''to see all these
nice things? You must always be want
ing to eat them
"Ohi no, ma'am," was the answer:
ct is enough for me TO see them made"