The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1900-05-19
AS THE DEVIL WOULD DO.
John P. St. Johns Version Of How
the Devil Would Run Newspaper.

The Editor of the Atkinson Champion
concluded he would have his paper run for
week as the Devil would run it and wrote to
various prominent men over the state for their
opinions as to how they thought his Satanic
Majesty would handle the job. Among
those who answered was Ex-Governor John
P. st. John, of Kansas, who said
81 have received yours of the 29th ultimo
asking me to give my opinion as TO "How the
devil would run a paper, and in reply there
to | desire first to congratulate you on your
excellent judgement in selecting me to answer
that question, for my familiarity with his
Satanic Majesty enables me to impart to you
a lot of information that the ordinarily piOus
man knows but little about.
''The first thing the devil would do would
be to write salutatory. He would give it an
intense religious tone. He would shout for
sold Glory aud scream for liberty. and pitch
into the Mormons; would not say word about
the thousands of slaves and our government
salaried Sultan and his seventeen wives under
the protection of the American flag on the
Island of Sulu. He would openly favor
bimetallism. and secretly work to put the
government on a single gold standard.
He would talk long and loud about the
"peoples money! but place them at the
mercy of the national banks to get it. He
would declare that Cubans "were and of right
ought to be free," and then refuse them their
freedom.
He would denounce fraud and then send
word to the Gamers of rotten beef to clean up
and get ready to be whitewashed. He would
stand quietly by and without even protest,
see the organized trusts rob the people of hun
dreds of millions annually and call it pros
perity. He would advocate the levying of a
high tariff tax on the poor mans food and
oil md oil xuas 10
would be as quiet as graveyard while we
were burning negroes at the stake and punch
ing their eyes out with red hot iron here in
our own country but would make his columns
speak in thundertones in favor of sending our
soldiers eight thousand miles from home to
shoot our civilization and Milwaukee beer
into the Filipinos. In desperate frenzied
effort of powerful monarchy which has been
a robber and oppressor of weak nations, to
crush by brute force brave people in South
Africa who are struggling as our foretathers
struggled four generations ago for the right OF
self-government, the devil would be on the
side of monarchy, and gloat over the down.
fall of the republic.
He would take the position in his news
paper that by the providence of God, Porto
Rico was the property of the United States.
and that her people were our people, and by
this same Divine Providence, and by cry of
benevolent assimilation and to impress
upon the Porto Ricans the lesson that
"Whom the Lord loveth he chastiseth," he
would put fifteen per cent. tariff on the pro-
ducts of their labor. He would indulge in
long prayers for temperance and editorially
wink at the Klondike jointists to close up DUR
ing the dull season, but throw their doors wide
open again just before the veterans next pay
day. He would stand for Mckinley and Bit
terly denounce Bryan, and finally his Satanic
Majesty would make will, in which he would
provide, that in case of his death or removal
from the United States his newspaper should
be turne over to Mark Hanna"