The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1900-10-19

Mr., DOOLEY ON A
BACHELORS LIFE

FIR they have home an family to lave
in tn mornin' an home an family to
go back to at night; that makes thin wur-
ruk. Some mems domestic throubles
dhrives thin to dhrink, others to labor.
Ye r-read about a man becomin' a mil
lyonaire an we think he done it be his
own exertions, whin it's much again as
like twas tn fear iv comm home Imply
handed an dislike iv stayin' ar-round tn
house all day that made him rich. Mis-
Their Standard lie takes in millyins in a
year, but he might be playin' dominoes
in an injine house if it wasn't FIR Mrs.
Standard lie. It's tn thought Nv that
dear quite lady at home, in her white cap,
with her ca IN motherly face, waitin pa
tiently FIR him with bell-punch that in
jooces him to put sthick iv dinnymite
in somebody else's lie well an bury his
securities whin tn ASSESSOR comes ar
round. Near ivry mans property ought
to be in his wife's name an most iv 1t is.
But with a bachelor it's diffrent. Ye
an ar-re settin' here together an Clan
cy dhrops in. Clancy's wife's away an
he's out FIR a good time an he comes to
me fr It,. bachelors FIR the enjyment
| w his marrid frinds' vacations. Whin
Clancys wifes at home an I go to see
him he r-runs tn pail out in valise,
| an we take our criminal dhrink in tn
woodshed. Well tn three iv us sits here
an pass tn dhrink an sing our songs "
1
gin to look over ye'er shoulder ivry time
We hear woman's voice, an finally We
get up an yawn an dhrink ivrything OF
TIL table an gallop home. Clancy an
raysume our argynint on tn Chinese sit
yation an afterwards we carol together
me singin tn chune an him dom a raz
lor-edge tinor. Thin he tells me how much
he cares FIR me an proposes to rassle me
an weeps to think how bad he threat!
his wife an begs me nfver to marry, II
a bachelors life's tn on'y wan, an I'll.
past two o'clock whin / hook him on
! frindly polisman an sind him thrippin'-
TIL polisman-down tn sthreet. All r-righ
so far. But in tn mornin' another story
I If Clancy gets home an finds his wife,
rayturned firm tn seaside or tn stock
yards, or WHEREVER tbs she's spint ne
vacation they'se no r-rest FIR him in til
mornin'. His head may sound In his ear
like AUTOMOBILE an tn look iv an egi
may make his knees thremble, but he
got to be off to tn blacksmith shop, al
hivin hip his helper that mornin'. S.
Clancy's gettin' r-rich an putin a coo
poly on his house
But with me tits different. Whin Phib
bus Apollo, as Hogan calls tn sun, raise
; his head above tn gashouse, I'm cuddle
, up in me couch an Morpus, Gawd i
Sleep, has a sthrangle holt on me. TT
alarm clock begins to go off an I've jus
strength enough to raise up an fire
; through tn window. Two hours afther
ward have CLEAN iv human intllygirc
) an hook me watch out firm undher tt
pillow. It's eight O'clock says J. 'Bu
, is it eight in tn mornin' or eight in tt
I evenin'?' says /. Faith, 1 dinnaw, a,
divvle bit care 1. Fights on'y a NUN
, her, says /. 1T riprisints nawthin',' say
! I. 'They'se hours enough in tn day f
! a free man. I'll TURN over an sleep ii
: ieight-wan an thin I'll wake up refrished
; / says. 'Tis iliven o'clock whin me tire
lids part FIR good, an Casey has bee
here to pay me eight dolars,an' findin' m
3 not up has gone away FIR another year.
b "A marrid man gets tn money Hinnis
v sy. but a bachelor man gets tn sleeI
/ Whin all me rnarrid frinds is off to wul
d ruk poundin' tn ongrateful sand a.
e wheelin tn rebellyous Stag, in tn he;
t /" tn Afternoon, We can see ye'er OF
J, fortchnit bachelor frind perambulatin' u
|. an down tn shady side iv tn sthree
e with an umbrelly over his head an
!; wurrud iv cheer firm young an old
e er1iven his loneliness"
o But tn childhren?' asked Mr. Henne
It Isy, slyly.
a "Childhrenn' said Mr.. Dooley, Sure
|, have tn finest family in tn city Witho,
5. scandal Tn. tn father fv ivry child in A
/ rchey r-road firm end to end
2, AN none iy ye'er own" said Mr.. He
: messy.
: II wish to he'll. Hinnissy,' said M
e Dooley. savagely. "yed not lean again
that mirror; I don't want to have to t.
t, We again." F. p. dunno.