The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-07-01
Fun of the WorId.

vi OF tH0 ffOFiO,
A kind hearted clergyman was lately
compelled TO dismiss a gardener. who
used to purloin his fruit and vegetables.
For the sake OF his wife and family.
he gave him letter Of recommends
tion and this is how he worded IL: Il
hereby certify that A. B. has been my
gardener for over two years, and that
during that time ne got more out OF
my garden than any man l ever EN-
oloyed."
gg gg
A gentleman. calling on farmer, OBJ
served Mr.. Jones. your clock is not
quite right is it?"
We'll, you see, SIR said Mr.. Jones,
nobody don't understand much about
that clock but me- When the hands OF
that clock stand at twelve, then II
strikes two, and then l know its TWEEN
" minutes TO seven"
z q &c
Ex-Governor George w. Peck. of W $
consin, author Of "Pecks Bad Boy"
was running a little country weekly in
the pineries in the early sixties. II was
an unimportant sheet save for one col
umn of Jokes which Peck wrote eaen
week This department caught the eye
OF Brick Pomeroy, who was then
printing his Democrat in La Crosse.
Wis, and one day he wrote TO Peek,
asking him whether he would be willing
TO go down to La Crosse and work Tor
the Democrat al % a week. Three days
later Mr.. Pomeroy got this telegram;
u accept you offer quicker than in
stantly For heavens sake don't with
draw it!'
gg e
There Is a story told Of Mark Twain
by a gentleman who lived near his rest
dence at Hartford One day The hu-,
norist answered the telephone. and af-
ter 'helIoing' for some time without
an answer. he used some language not
generally seen in print, but which was
certainly picturesque. While thus en-
gagged he heard an answer in astonished
tones. and recognized the voice CT an
eminent divine whom he knew very well.
us that you. doctor?" questioned Mr..
Clemens. II didn't hear what you said,
Ny butler has been at the telephone,
and said he couldn't understand YOU
Z Z z z
DR.. ". C. Grace, when playing In
rustic match once, kept tempting the
fielders to throw al his wicket by STEP
ping over the popping-crease nov and
again, as if about to steal run. Al
last a youth-a straighter throWer than
his fellows-knocked down the cham
pion's wicket, and appealed to the UNI
pire. who gave Not out" At the end
of the over the same umpire. stepping
up TO Mr.. Grace. whispered: You
must be more careful, sir: you was
really out that time"
gg gN
miss Pinkie," the young man began,
with a quaver in his voice. may pre-
ance as TO ask you--" please say no
more. Mr.. Mitchelitree,' faltered the
maiden st regret deeply to give you
pain. but if 7 inadvertently encouraged
YOU to entertain hopes that can never
be realized, cannot forgive myself
Believe me I am sincerely Par
don me. Miss Blllmore." interrupted tn
youth, who had gasped once or twice I'D
drawn his hand across his brow while
she was speaking, but I was only going
to ask you for the loan OF a nickel for
car fare was stupid enough to come
away from home this evening without
nv pocketbook All, thanks, Miss Bill
more I will return it without fail
Goodnight"
z gR
One of the most delicate replies ever
made was that of Frenchman who had
not found "a life on the ocean wave"
al that could BE- expected He was sink
ing. pale and dissheveled, into his
steamer-c chair. when a passenger asked
cheerily:
"Ah good morning, monsieur, Have
you breakfasted?'
mo monsieur" answered the pallid
Frenchman. Il have not breakfasted
On the contrary"
4 ERR
h. cOIrsa of his recent sDpaCh
on the Philippines. Spooner of WILSON,
sin held up a paper which he said was
a letter written by General Lawton
some time before his death.
do you know ii was written?' asked
Pettigrew of South Dakota, who had
previously expressed doubts OF the an
thenticity. and had tried to cast cloud
over g.
THE senator reminds me-" said Mr.
Spooner. "of a lawyer who was defend
ing a prisoner for murder. The evidence
showed that the defendant stood with
revolver when the other man approach
ed. and fired It. and when he fired IL
the man fell dead. On cross-examination
of a witness who saw II the counsel said
to him: Did YOU see this defendant
Yes Where was he7' We'll, he stood
so-and-so-' Did he have a revolver in
his hand? Yes Was II pointed al the
0pCPaSe0E
was it?' Twelve feet Did he FIRE IT,
Yes Did the deceased drop whes h.
fired It - Yes Did YOU go 20 him7'
Yes Was ne dead?' Yes Now. sir,
ask you to inform the jury on your
oath whether you saw any bullet 60
out Of the barrel % that revolver"
Amid the laughter which went round
no answering word came from Petit
grew.
Il -
The committee rooms Of Senators Piatt
Of New York. and Fairbanks Of In3iana
adioin each other saws the Washington
Post but NJ. Platt's room has "a he
10000 before Mr.. Fairbanks can be
reached
Yesterday afternoon there was con-
tinuous stream Of visitors to Mr.. Fair
banks. and zach viAitor uaturarv asked
Senator P1att's clerk If Mr. Fairbanks
vas in his room. The questions were
courteeusly answered at first. but BY the
time the uinety-pinth caller had inter
rupted tse clerk in his work the latter
vowed he would not be courteous ans
longer.
So. while he hammered away az bis
typewriter. thin. piping voice Tnafea
aver the clerks head: rs Senator Fair
banks IN HIS room p" The clerk I'D not
wen raise his head.
7 don't know" he REMARKED 9rufrly
hanmeriuE away. and don't give
a whether ne * Or rot r. vou
want 70 know 20 and look Ter vourspIf''
An -lght" cans IN a hin. ripping
tone ard Squire rassei ~ Ike clerk
Then ~ iooked ard saw fhe venerable
Senator H0ar ~ Massachusetts,.
The clerk was psra'vzed He waits5
until NJ Eoar resDpezre and then b
=as p-ofuss II hiF apologies aa1 sxria1-
atfors "$evrr mind" seid Sr Hear
''Gnder TIRE circur7 stances vour language