Evening journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1888-1932, 1900-01-08
MRS. VAN DYKE

an elderly gentleman, and warmly
shook his hand. You came just at the
right moment. 1 never go to confession q,
but. you know. to an old family friend,
who has known me from childhood and
has been almost like father-well, to
cut the matter short, / want to open
my heart TO you. You must be my
father confessor."
You are Jesting"
mot bit of it. I am in downright
earnest. It is the first favor rye asked
of you in long, long time. You won't
say nor"
IF you think that it is necessary"
"Of course 1 do. You can judge for
yourself I've been here only two
days; come over from Boston on a
visit to my mother, you know, and al
ready they are instigating my husband
to bring a suit for a divorce
MY dear Doretta." interrupted Mr..
Tort mildly couldn't we discuss this
matter a little more coolly? Might we
not, for example, sit down"
Certainly, let us sit down."
But this circumstance did not in any
way dampen the fire of Mrs. Van
Dykes eloquence.
You know the cause Of all this trou-
ble?"
Not in the least"
No? You know just as well as Il
1t is all about the little Lieut. Scratch.
People say ne has been making love to
me, and l. so they say, am pleased
with his attentions. Did you ever hear
of such examinations? / saw Lieut.
Scratch for the first time here at Mrs.
Fitzgerald Archibald's She isn't re-
lated to Lord Fitzgerald of Devonshire
at all, though she claims to be. Good
ness gracious, everybody nowadays
pretends to be related to the nobility.
Why, my maid says she belongs 10 the
Fontainbleus But. let me see where
were we? II there's anything hate
it's disgressions when one has story
10 tell; it's so tiresome.
"Oh, yesl about Lieutenant Scratch
and Mrs. Fitzgerald Archibald's tea.
Well there couldn't have been more
than ten or twelve people there at the
most Mrs Archibald-it takes too
long to pronounce all her name and
She really has no right to It anyway
Mrs. Archibald had one of her head
aches That IS her forte. She is al
ways complaining of headaches. The
drawing room was lighted by couple
Of carcelles lamps, one with a red shade
and the other with a green one. These
produced the funniest physiognomies!
Mrs Archibald stood near the green
lamp and looked for all the world like
an unripe lemon. And her sister, Mrs.
Patterson. was near the lamp with the
red shade and had the appearance Of a
picked beet While there in the middle
was the old aunt How she did look!
One cheek had red tinge and the
other was pale green tint. 1t was too
FUNNY eyes there we're Mrs. Archi-
bald and Mrs. Patterson-so lovelyl A
pair OF ripe beauties, theyl But they
haven't given up the hunt after con-
quests yet Everybody in New York
knows that Mrs. Archibald was most
extraordinarily intimate with"
But Doretta-'
"Ohl entirely platonic, ] assure you
With an alderman. Now, / ask you
what is an alderman even If he does &c
to the springs every year,? And Mrs
Patterson People are so malicious
You know old Gen. Cabman, don't you
The man who is blind in his right ey'
and deaf in his left ear?? He is he
favorite now, they say, and his pre-
decessor was Capt. Guernsey, who los
his leg at Bull Run. and has nothing
but q trifing pension. You've heart
what they call Mrs. Archibald's house
haven't YOU? MOI The military hos
pital Pretty good, isn't it?
"Of the old aunt, / believe, they hav
nothing bad to tell, or good either. 70
that matter. though her face and fgur
are something frightful She is q regu
lar pedant. When she isn't haranguin
the company at the top of her voic
she goes TO sleep And il in a walNin
interval she does not keep silence ono
in a while. she makes the whole com
pany so nervous they don't know wha
- hu Of .taH
bling ne hands, as If she were wash
ing them with soap"
"But, my dear" interpclated Mr.. Toi
once more. "all this has nothing TO d
with the matter in hand"
"Vhati Nothing to do with it? o
the contrary. it is indispensable!
''Wer. then, you see, to tell it brief.
the only ngand-aheml-pretty We
man in the room was myself. OF n
gentlemen, the alderman and the ger
eral occupied themselves with the pa
Of sisters; there was a millionaire, mad
rich by bankruptcies; a Congressman
whether Democratic or Republican,
can't say; at all events, he had new
smclled much political powder; then
literary man, deliver us from evil
then Scratch and my husband. No
AZ YOU take out Scratch and mysel
it? For you see-well, you know n
husband is a good enough sort of
fellow, but he is tediousness person
FED it is natural enough; he is simp
normal married man; tiresomene
seems TO be a general Characteristic
husbands. mol don't shake your hea
Mr. Tort You don't know anythii
about it. You should be a woman al
married-one week would be enoue
husband is. perhaps, away fro
home. good company. entertaining al
witty. but in his own family he is Or
saic grumbliug and unbearable. He
disconnected with everything. Ever
thing gives him occasion to moralii
to preach sermons as long as an ev
years drought. lie holds his wife ba
by the skirts II she wants TO go OF
and If she wants TO stay at home not
ing will do but she must trot al0
with him and make calls Always G
position and irritability. II our hon.
ed lords and masters are gracio