Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1900-03-30

'"'' So.' 'oreS NoiiihoH SehSe view OF IN
Matter-She Holds that the GIamor of
Fools Paradise Subsidies and is Replaced b,
Purer. Riper NobIer Affection, which Add
Stability and Dignity to the Relation of MAI
and Wife.
When / am asked whether I believe
the statement recently made by Pro
fessOr Summer of Yale, that "onl1
about 10 per cent. of married people
looking back at their married life, car
truthfully say they have realized theii
ideals OF happiness" 1 must answer
both yes and no.
Undoubtedly the statement is tech.
nically correct. Most young people
are extravagantly in love with each
other preceding their marriage.
That love, because OF its intensity,
lifts them to an exalted sphere OF
hope and happiness quite abnormal.
The ideal of marriage which pre-
sents itself under these conditions pic
lures a continuation of that ecstatic
bliss. No differences of opinion, no
possible disagreements, no unhappy
obstacles seem possible. Eternal hap
piness, helpfulness and serenity repre-
sent the ideal. The ideal is unques-
tionably destroyed under the actual
experience OF marriage, not in the case
of 80 per cent, but in every case.
The ideal is too abnormal and too
ephemeral to be perpetuated into act
ual existence. Under the uniting in
huence of newly found love, the
lovers become one in spirit and feel
ing, but when the new love becomes a
settled and everyday emotion these
same lovers discover they are two in
spirit and feeling. They are individu-
ais, with distinct and separate ideals,
different opinions and points of view.
This discovery sometimes comes
with q cruel shock, which utterly de-
strOys the love which seemed so sweet
and omnipresent in the days of court.
ship. In some cases it weakens the
affections and disappoints the lovers
but in many others it serves to intens-
ify, purify and exalt love.
Since such changes will inevitably
take place, Professor Summer is quite
right in saying the ideal of marriage
is lost, but on the other hand, it is my
telief that in fully half the marriages
in the United States the ideal merely
changes with more acquaintance, and
that such husbands and wives would
not be willing to admit that their
ideal had been lost.
In many cases the first few months
OF marriage prove a severe strain upon
the affections and represent very
doubtful happiness. Clashes of wishes
and opinions and personal rights may
be OF everyday occurrence. But the
storm passes on, and the husband
learns to respect his wife as an indi
vidual being, possessing decided opin-
ions as to "the pursuit OF happiness ="
He learns to regard her opinions and
wishes as sacred as those OF any other
human being. He may discover with
q sense of disagreeable disappointment
that she is not an echo of all he
thinks and desires. He may fret and
grow irritable for a time, but he re.
covers, and purer, riper, nobler affec-
ton comes to take the place of the
earlier love.
On the other hand, the young wife
discovers her every wish is not her
husbands law, as she supposed; he
does not propose to live only to make
her happy. and the knowledge may
cause some heartaches and some tears,
but she rallies from it, and the new
and better love comes to take the
place Of the old.
In short believe very large per-
centage of married people would pro-
nounce their tenth, twentieth or
thirtieth year of married life happier
than the first. The ideal of the ante
nuptial days may have been de.
stroyed. but far more dignified one
has taken its place.
In spite of the fact that q constant
ly increasing number Of young men
and women refuse to marry, and that
divorces are on the increase, / believe
there never was time in the history
Of the world when there was so large q
percentage of happy, satisfactory mar
riages as are to be found to-day.
The coax and vine" theory of mar
riage was beautiful one, and it was
in full operation hundred years ago,
but we have small testimony as to the
opinion of the vines in reference to it.
The average American home repre-
sents equality of rights, opinions and
responsibility. The newly found
equality has brought with it strength
and happiness for both oak and vine.
Marriage may be failure for the few,
but will never be for the many while
companionship, sympathy, co-opera-
ton and affection are 80 intensely
yearned for by the average soul as
they are to-day.
Waiter girls in Munich restaurants
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