davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
A supreme Court Jest.

An eminent lawyer, one of the most
eminent In the United States, was in
the midst of an argument in defense of
the patent rights of his client to a
newfangled collar button that was be-
ing unlawfully manufactured by the
people on the other side of the case.
The distinguished counsel was describ-
ing the patent referred to and its many
advantages when Justice Shiras inter-
rupted him and in most serious man.
ner observed:
81 should like to ask the learned coun-
sci If his client manufactures collar
button that won't roll under the bed"
OF course the court was shocked.
Some young people in the seats re-
served for spectators Uttered, and the
marshal, rapping on his desk with his
gavel, roared, "Silence in this honora-
BILE courtr The eminent counsel main
tanned his gravity, although bis soul
must have been deeply stirred, and had
presence of mind enough to turn the
incident to his own advantage, saying
with emphasis:
81 have the honor to inform the court
that the collar button manufactured by
my client is unique in that as well as
in other respects, but my client would
not be so selfish as to patent so impor-
tant a benefit to mankind. Chicago
Record.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
HOLDING His Job For Him.

"Of all the excuses have ever heard
from people for not paying their bills, /"
said collector for prominent firm
the other day, 81 got the neatest today
from a very wealthy man who always
owes the house a bill. No matter
whether the bill is for $40 or 800, he
always pays S.. l have gone back the
next week and got S. more, and once
went back twice in one week, and he
paid me S. each time and seemed glad
to see me. l got to know him pretty
well, and the other day asked him
why he did not pay 1t all, as knew he
had the money"
"'Well,' said the old fellow, If pay
you everything l owe you at one time
you will collect so fast that pretty soon
you will be out Of job for the want of
something to collect
81 don't know whether that was his
reason or not, but let the subject drop
and am just going around there now
for another $5."-Memphis Scimitar.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
wrestIe with This Problem.

Here is little genealogical problem
which perhaps some of our readers can
solve. A man writes to the Liverpool
Post, saying: 81 have, like the rest Of
human beings, two parents. They in
turn had each two. These four grand
parents had each two, and so on. Now,
If we take on an average four genera
lions to century 33 generations have
passed away since the time of William
the Conqueror, and by the simple proc
ess of multiplying two by itself SO
times find that at the date Of the Nor
man conquest 1 must have had $780,
,5S2 ancestors of that generation.
But this is eight or nine TIMES the to-
tai population of the globe at the pres
ent day and must be fully 30 or 40
times the total number of human be-
ings living in the eleventh century, so
that there must be fallacy in my cal
culation somewhere. Can anybody tell
me-" he asks, what the fallacy ISL"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
They Had All Lost One.

An old gentleman, evidently gath
erer of statistics. but with a kindly
face which shaded off to something
like philanthropy about the edges, was
gazing abstractedly down Regent
street, London. Suddenly he stepped
up to gentleman who was waiting
for bus and, touching him lightly on
the shoulder, said, Excuse me, but did
you just drop sovereign" holding
out in his hand the coin mentioned
The gentleman questioned made a
hasty search of his pockets and said,
why, so l did, and l hadn't missed
it," holding out an eager hand.
The old man drew forth notebook
and took his name and address and
then said, 81 thought So" turning
away.
"Well," said the other, "do you want
it all as a rewardY
Il did not find one," said the old
man, "but it struck me that in a large
city like this there must be lot of
money lost, and upon inquiry l find
you are the thirty first man who has
lost sovereign this very morning.
London Answers.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
HE AsPlRED TO OFFICE.
And He VIII Never Forget His First
Lesson In Politics.

And He VIII Never Forget His First
Lesson In Politics.
One Detroiter who hopes some day
to be elected to the legislature jollies
the reporters by saying that he used
to be member Of the craft. One of
them, who prefers evidence to bare as
sertion, asked the political aspirant all
about it and extorted this reluctant ex-
PLANTATION:
"Well, just between you and me, It
was this way: My father ran weekly
paper down in Indiana, and 1t was
the party organ in the county. When
/ got home from college, raade up my
mind that l was about ripe to be the
clerk of courts. The old gentleman
told me that was pretty raw. but he
agreed to be my strategy board and
said he reckoned he could pull me
through If I'd obey orders and make
no moves on my own responsibility. |
can see now that he was a great gen
eral, but you know how heady young
fellow is before the world has bumped
him few times.
80 put up what l thought was
great scheme and kept 1t from the gov
ernor. The truth is that | thought him
just little slow for my class. The
man against me on the opposition tick
ct lived in another town. and we had
never met. So went over there, told
him that was reporter from my ia
TIERS paper and proceeded to get his
plans for making the fight
1--WE had a delightful talk for an
hour, smoking his cigars and sampling
the juice of the grape from his own
vineyard. l was too tickled for words
till l got about half way home. Then
I'd liked to have gone into faint. 1t
Just dawned upon me that my smooth
host hadn't told me COMPOUNDED thing
and had got out of me my campaign
to the minutest details. | was beaten
to a standstill. and the old gentleman
advised me to ove."-Detroit Free
Press
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27


He was very young-about 13-this
boy who spent most of his time in the
studios watching the artists draw and
paint and wishing he could do the
same.
''What kind of pencils do you use"
he said one day, and they gave him
one Of the kind. That night he tried to
make a figure he had seen one of the
artists draw, it seemed so easy. But
he could not do the same kind of work.
"Perhaps l haven't the right kind Of
paper" he reasoned. II will get a
piece tomorrow" Even the right kind
of paper did not help him any.
81 need a studio and an easel" was
his next conclusion. IT have the de-
sire; surely all l need now are the
necessary surroundings"
A few years of impatient waiting
passed before he secured the "neces-
sary surroundings" and when he had
them all and still found it impossible
to draw the truth dawned upon him.
81 know what Is wrong" he cried,
throwing down his pencil. II know
nothing of the principles of art. I
must learn them first"
He was still young when his name as
a great painter was known on two con-
tinents. He had learned the "princi-
ple" A bit of brown paper and a
burned match would then enable him
to draw as easily as all the art essen
tials.-Ann Partlan in Success.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
Some simn1e Remedies.

In one of the United States health
reports published in Washington few
simple remedies for emergency uses
are suggested Witch hazel is one and
is recommended as one of the quickest
soothers and restorers of tired brain.
Battle the eyes and forehead freely with
the liquid and apply cloth wet with
it at the back of the neck.
Cloths wet In a strong solution of
borax water are very cool and healing
in case of burn; care should be taken,
however, to exclude the air in putting
them on.
A tiny pinch Of powdered borax
placed on the tongue and allowed to
dissolve slowly will almost instantly
stop hacking, irritating cough that
may be disturbing one at night. The
same treatment relieves an ulcer in
the throat, and at the slightest irri-
tation or soreness of the throat gar
gle of salt water and borax will be
found efficient.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
Ant Shareholders.

Many of the large red ants are slave
holders, and, oddly enough, their slaves
are invariably black, much as is the
case with the human race. When
slaves are desired by colony of ants,
regular army of invasion is formed,
and skirmishers and scouts are sent on
ahead to discover a nest of black ants.
This having been found, the warrior
ants-insects quite different from the
ordinary workers, with powerful jaws
set out to invade their neighbours ter
ritory and carry away the eggs and
pupR to their own nests. A fierce bat
tie ensues, but the invading ants are
always victorious.
On returning to their own colony the
young of their defeated foe are taken
into their nests and carefully treated
until they arrive at maturity, when
they become the willing bondsmen Of
the conquerors of their parents, doing
all the hardest work of the community,
even to the length Of feeding their cap
tors. The latter, however, is not en-
tirely needless humiliation to subject
them to, as some species of slavehold-
ing ants are incapable of feeding them
selves and would die of starvation in
the midst of plenty were it not for
their slaves.-Kansas City Independ-
ent.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
AN INSPIRATION.
1t Showed the BashfuI Youth Hap
by Way to Pop the Question.

1t Showed the Bashfuf Youth q Hap
by Way to Pop the Question.
sIts a co. announced the young
man with beaming face, "and the hap
ply day has been setr'
$50 you got your courage up to the
point at last?' said the friend who
understood the situation.
Eyes. Say, it isn't hard when you
get started But it is wonder I
didn't get nervous prostration before
made the plunge! | was six months
trying to get courage enough to ask
the all important question. But every
time that opened my mouth to speak
| simply broke out into cold sweat
and couldn't say word for the life
of me. / would have retreated dozen
times bag and baggage If could have
done so gracefully. Not that | didn't
want the girl, but simply for the rea-
son that l despaired of ever being able
to ask her to be mine. The girl acted,
too, as if she had right to hear some
thing to the point. But l could only
sit there like a chuckle headed idiot
and abuse the weather. would have
been right there in the same horrible
situation If something hadn't happen
ed to break the ice.
Zone night last week we were sitting
side by side on sofa and during one
of those blissful moments when moth
ing was being said l CHANGED to notice
the girls eyes intently fixed upon a
motto that hung on the wall opposite
and which read, Love One Another
I'll be hanged If l ever saw that motto
before, but it gave me an inspiration,
and l leaned over and murmured,
Shall weY and she murmured, I don't
mind and it was all over but the
shoutingp' Free Press.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27

"a HOA8 SCAANCAAC<Ss
The last summer, when | was on my
way back to Vienna from the appetite
cure In the mountains, l fell over a
cliff in the twilight and broke some
arms and legs and one thing or another
and by good luck was found by some
peasants who had lost an ass, and they
carried me to the nearest habitation,
which was one of those large. low,
thatch rooted farmhouses, with apart
ments in the garret for the family and
a cunning little porch under the deep
gable decorated with boxes Of bright
coIored flowers and cats; on the ground
floor large and light sitting room,
separated from the milk cattle apart
ment by a partition, and in the front
yard rose, stately and fine, the wealth
and pride of the house, the manure
pile.
That sentence is Germanic and shows
that | am acquiring that sort of mas
terry of the art and spirit of the Ian
guage which enables a man to travel
all day in one sentence without chang
ing cars.-Mark Twain In "The Man
That Corrupted Hadleyburg."
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27

gives the mother abundant nutrition for
her child. vFavorite Prescription Is
wornan's medicine and has no equal as
cure for woman1y diseases. 1t estab-
fishes regularity, dries weakening drains,
heals Inflammation and liberation and
cures female weakness.
Accept no substitute for Favorite Pre-
scription." No other medicine is "just
as good for weak and sick women.
ait affords me great pleasure to be able to say
a few words in regard to the merits OF Dr..
Pierce's Favorite Prescription and Golden
Medical Discovery writes Mrs. Flora Arm, OF
Dallas Jackson Co. Mo. al was tempted to try
these incidence after seeing the effect upon my
mother At an early age OF married life was
greatly bothered with painful periods, also q
troublesome drain which rendered me weak
and unfit for work of any kind. became SO
thin there was nothing 1eR OF me but skin and
bone. My husband Became alarmed and got
me bottle of Favorite Prescription. After he
saw the wonderful effects of that one he got two
more, and after used those up there was no
more pain, and began to gain in flesh very
rapidly.a
DR.. Pierce's Common Sense Medical
Adviser is sent free on receipt of II one
cent stamps, to pay expense OF mailing
only. Address DR.. R. v. Pierce, Buff
fa1o, N.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
Economfx;nr FueI.

There are many good housekeepers
who are Indifferent in the matter of
saving small coal and cinders. Unseen
waste goes on in most houses in this re-
spect. If housekeepers would make ii
a point to see that all cinders and ashes
are thoroughly sifted daily, they would
be surprised at the fuel they would
save.
After the cinders have been removed
cold water should be poured over them.
This causes them to make much better
fuel when mixed with Goals. Better
and safer fires can be kept up in bed
rooms than with coal alone. safer be-
cause with cinders there is no danger
Of sparks flying about.
The best kitchen fire is made by put.
ting coal in front, banking up cinders
behind and then leaving the fire alone.
To be constantly stirring fire takes
all the life out of the Goals and also
starts" the dust.-St. Louis Post Dis
patch.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
ONE ON HIS FATHER.
Smart Youth Is Caught, Then vi,
ffu,fxom Paronf

Smart Youth Is Caught, Then Vic
timizes Parent.
The 12-year-old son Of a Van Buren,
street fond parent recently became the
proud possessor of some guinea pigs.
A day or two after the same were
safely corralled in a cage he went
about Dragging of his new acquisition
among his playmates. Now, it seems
these youngsters knew of "sell" In
which guinea pigs play prominent
part. They started to 'hook" the
youngster and caught him fast and
hard.
He felt so bad about it that he
started in turn to "selr' some one else.
His father was the victim.
ibid you know, papa, that If you
hold a guinea pig by the tail its eyes
will drop out?"
His father laughed outright.
"Why, who in wonder told you such
stuff, Louis"
'The boys all say that" answered
Louis, sober as a judge, "and it's so,
yes, SIR"
"Oh, nonsense" said his father, still
laughing.
"Well, you go to the cage and hold
one up and you'll see."
Just to humor the boy the father
went out. In moment he came back
looking well looking just like man
that's been badly sold.
1.-THE little rascal got me that time"
he replied to a friend.
"But l don't see the point" said the
friend.
"Don't your
mo"
"Well, guinea pigs have no tails
Topeka Capital
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
THE SECOND MARRIAGE.


Her soft brown eyes upgazing to his face
Az through the 'aise's sunlight shaft they pas
With measured pace,
He, smiling at the lips, but not the eyes
That seem to gaze upon some form that flies
Farof, cloud wrapped, alasl
''He is too young to live alone" We hear,
.srhis woman's fair as was the first, and then
She's dead year.
All, true, she's lain twelve months beneath tn
clay;
But, oh. poor ghost. she only dies today,
Yea. with the priests amen!
ssThe new life clings as fondly as the old;''
'There's love in brown eyes there was in blue;
1.-THE grave is cold;
"The elm, you know, looks bare without vine;
But ali, Death makes, when two souls intertwine
No void place for the new!
''Yet this his first true flow'r Of love may be-
Oh. on the dead wife's grave why pour out gall?
Yet bitterly
I'll say, The dead is gone forever now,
And better love should garland this young brow
Than life be blooniless all
Laughter and bells ring Ger the bridal train,
But through them sigh upon the love tuned ear
Low tones OF pain.
Oh, haste and gaze into mine eyes, my wife,
Till soul tells soul that love is love for life
And life begins but herei
Joseph l. O. Clarke in Criterion.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
PRESIDENTIAL LIGHTNING.
storms Prank Nerved a Young Law
Student to Bet and He Won.

Storms Prank Nerved q Young Law
Student to Bet and He Won.
1.-THE lightning caused me to bet on
the presidential election in 1860" said
a Wall street man, land | won.
"I'm not more superstitious than the
average individual" continued the
man, although my act would indicate
the contrary. | was a young man in a
law office in a Kentucky town. My
preceptor had pasted over his desk A
poster containing the portraits of all of
the candidates, Lincoln and Hamlin,
Breckenridge and Lane, Douglas and
johnson and Bell and Everett. The
poster contained the platforms of the
various parties. There was some I'M
certainty in that campaign. My pre-
ceptor was an enthusiastic Douglas
man and wanted to bet all he had on
his candidate. 1t was my first expert
ence In presidential campaign, and |
had fool notion that Bell and Everett
would be elected. had never made
money bet, but was aching to take up
my Blackstonian preceptor, although
lacked nerve.
zone day there was thunderstorm.
The lightning loosened a number of
things In the town, the building in
which l was a law student being one.
In one OF its FRANKS the lightning cut
in the wall on which that political
poster was posted. The result was that
the upper part of the poster hung down
from the wall, covering up all the can
didates save Lincoln and Hamlin. De
spite my sympathies for Bell and Ever
EFT / imagined | saw in this condition
of the poster the result of that election,
and a few days later when the Doug
las enthusiast talked on his upper
notes and offered to bet $25 even on his
man took him up. He was very much
astonished to think l would bet on Lin
coin and Hamlin. He said l was a
young ass and other things and that he
would bet with me to teach me les
son. After the election he asked me
how came to take the chance. for
there were few Lincoln votes In the
town. When | told him the source OF
my tip, he grew serious.
"'You have won your first bet on a
presidential election he said. but re-
member, young man. lightning never
strikes in the same place twice.
"But it did in this case. Lincoln was
reelected New York Sun.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27

"a bride and groom" he said, were
crossing the Atlantic for their honey
moon. The weather was rough. The
third day out the stewardess came to
the groom as he lay moaning in his
berth.
"'Your bride'-she endeavored to
break it gently to him-1ast night gave
up the ghost and now is rocked in the
cradle of the deepp
"'Well,' was the languid answer,
what of it? l can't help It'll Don't
bother me about it nowp
"tDear, dearp mournfully exclaimed
one of the two Scotch gentlemen who
were being addressed Dear, dear!
And, pray, who were the parrhtiesY Z"
-Harpers Bazaar.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
The Magic Lantern.

How many of us while using magic
lanterns have wondered how they were
first made? Indeed they are of very
respectable antiquity. AS early as the
seventeenth century Jesuit named
Kircher constructed one. 1t was a
very crude affair, and as he was not
unwilling to excite the fears Of the
persons who witnessed his exhibitions
he called it a magic" lantern, and SO
1t has always been called.
There are reasons to believe that the
lantern was in use even earlier than
the seventeenth century and that the
mysterious figures which the old as
trologers produced in the smoke Of
their mystic fires were produced in the
same way as Kircher produced his, the
smoke hiding the lantern.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
Turned Into Trade.

A retired cheesemonger, who hated
an allusion to the business that had
enriched him. said to Charles Lamb in
the course of discussion on the poor
laws. "You must bear in mind, sir,
that l have got rid of that sort of
stuff which you poets call the milk Of
human kindness.
Lamb looked at him steadily and
gave his acquiescence in these pithy
words: "Yes. am aware Of that. You
turned it all into cheese several years
ago"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
MOON WORSHIP In china.

The fete of the moon is celebrated in
the eighth month of the year, and this
lasts six days. Presents are then made
on which the figure of the moon is ap-
parent, and a large pagoda is illuminat-
ed. Firecrackers and music and fam
lily reunions prevail. A midnight ban
quet on the last night terminates the
feast, and then the descent of the god
dess of the moon, which we call the
man in the moon, is awaited. She is
supposed to visit the earth at this time
to grant the wishes of mortals. The
moon with the Chinese is the patronese
of poetry, and autumn is the poets ia
vorite season.-Leslie's Weekly.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
Evolution of Vanderbilt.

An old friend who keeps autographs
as fad pointed out to me recently the
evolution of the name of Vanderbilt as
we have it at the present time. The
original was Van der Bit. The old
commodore signed it thus: ivan Der
bilt." William II. signed it Ivan der
bilt," leaving distinct space between
the M and the small 3D." as his ia
Their did between the IN" and the capt.
tai 3D." Most of the present genera
ton make one word of it.-New York
Press
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
A Case of Color n1inane...

yours is a perplexing case" said the
oculist. "You call red purple and refer
to nile green as turkey red"
EYES," replied the visitor, with con-
tented smile. 81 fancy was born that
way"
Its the most aggravated case of col
or blindness l have ever encountered
In my professional experience"
"That's it. want you to write me
out statement to that effect. Never
mind what the fee is. You see, my
wife has lot Of samples she wants
matched, and she'll ask me to tackle
the Job some time next week for GER
tain"
And then the oculist had his suspi-
cions.-Pearson's Weekly.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
Your b est Work

A barber ought to be sure of success,
seeing he begins at the top.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1900-11-27
1t Told the Truth.

A countryman on visit to Glasgow,
while walking along Argyle street
reading the signboards and the tickets
in the shop windows, said to his COM
panion: Hoo can a. thae ham shops
be the best and cheapest? Every yin
O. them says that, and the same WI
the clothes shops tae. They are jist
a lot O. leears."
They continued along the street I'M
til, coming opposite plumbers shop
with big bill In the window with the
words Cast Iron Sinks" printed in
large letters on 1t, he exclaimed:
'Well, Jock, here's yin that tells the
truth at ony rate. But any DANCED
fool kens that cast iron wad sink"