Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1900-01-10

w. H. s&S
Lady-A gentleman called, you say?
Did he leave any name? Parlor Maid
Oh, yes'm. He said 1t was immaterial.
1t is said that burnt child breads
the fire. Probably that's why the new
Unmarried man tries to avoid his old
flames.
Crlticus Hooking at picture of the
impressionst schooD-If that's high art.
then I'm an idiot. Cynicus-Well, that
is high art.
He lin an argumenD-Well. thank
goodness, I'm not two faced. She-You
ought to be thankful. Ono face like
yours is enough.
do you know that you talk in your
sleep, Henry?" asked Mrs. Peck. "Well,
do you begrudge me even those few
wordsT' he snapped back.
What is winter resort, Uncle Jim?"
"a winter resort? Well, any place you
go where you don't let yourself think 1t
is as cold as 1t is at home"
"4Aincher workiu' now. Jimmy3"
NAV. Strike" "Chee. Tree Of 'em.
strikes de ole man fer raise, he strikes
attitude, an den I strikes de side
walk"
Police officer Ito organ-grinder)--
"Have you license to play? II not
you must accompany me-" Organ
grinder-"With pleasure! What will
you sing:"
You haven't another cigar like the
one you gave me the other day. have
you?' Yes; here's one" Thanks,
old man. Pm trying 10 break my boy
off smoking.''
Emma--A And, Charlie. dear, would
you have really shot yourself II had
refused you? Charlie-Indeed, would.
| had already sent to fouA gunsmiths
for price lists of revolvers.
Beggar ito gentleman on the promen-
ade)-Do you happen. sir. TO have lost
your purse? Gent feeling In his pock-
ets)-No! Beggar-Then yon can let
me have little assistance.
1t is difficult for the belated clubman
to realize that the towering female who
stands at the head of the stairs is the
timid little girl who once tainted in his
arms a. the sight of a mouse.
Miss Howler (who sings)-.rhat gem
tlelnan you just introduced me to said
he would give anything If he had my
voice BY the way, what business does
he follow?" Friend-"Hes an auc-
tioneer."
Little Boy (writing to his schOolmas-
ter) Everybody at home Is delighted
with the progress have made at your
school. Why, when came to you I
knew nothing. and now, even In this
short time. know ten times as muchl
Punch.
81 remember as well as II 1t only
happened yesterday. that In my young
err days once walked twenty miles at
stretch for the purpose Of thrashlng
hated rival" "And did you return
ON root?. no, they brought me back
in an ambulance" &
Mrs. De Fine Here's my new bon
net. Isn't 1t darling? Only four
pounds ten shillingsT' Mr.. De Fine
Great snakes! You said bonnets could
be bought at from seven shillings and
sixpence up" Mrs. De Fine-"Yes,
dear. This is one of the ups"
Nor said the cheerful man.; 20
man can't be too careful about writing
letters" II quite agree with you" re-
piled the nervous Individual. IL wrote
three once that have kept me in hot
water ever SINCE" Love letters,
supposeY' mo. sir; 4 o w."
Pusher-"G usher is not very happy in
his choice of adjectives." Usher
"Why sol" Pusher--"Miss GImms
fished for compliment by asking him
what he thought Of her slippers."
Usher-"And what did lie say?"
Pusher-"He said they were immense"
Kitchen Maid lat crockery shop
What! only half-crown tip? During
the past year have broken three soup
tureens, twenty-six cups, thirty-fve
saucers, five meat dishes. and ffty-six
plates. Shopman-Weli, then, here's
another form; and don't forget me, you
know.
Little Mamma, was playing
with your best tea set while you were
away, an when you bring 1t out for
company you'll be shocked. Cause
you'll think one of the cups has hair
in It, but 1t isn't hair" Mamma
what is it," Little Dot-"lts only
crack"
Good morning, uncle. How are you
to.day?" "Ah, nephew, am well.
How are you?" "First-rate. Guess
what brought me herc!'' "Oh. the old
story, supposed I'm bet you five
shillings you can't guessr' IN take
it! You came here to borrow some
money" you've lost! Pay me the
five shillings. only wanted to inquire
how aunt is to-day!'
A story is told of a British soldier In
Egypt. His colonel, observing him one
morning vending Ills way to camp with
fine Egyptian rooster In his arms,
halted him to know II he had been steal
ing chickens. mo. Colonel" was the
reply; II just saw the old fellow sit
ting on the wall, and ordered him to
crow for old England. and he wouldn't,
when confiscated him for rebel"
Traveller Ito an lrishman)-"Weli,
Mike, see you have small gardeny'
Mike-"Yes, sorr." What are you GO
ing to set in it for next season."
Nothing, sorr. set 1t with potatoes
last year, and not one of them came
up" THAT'S strange. How do you
explain itY well, sorr, the man next
door to me set his garden full Of
onions" "Well, had that anything to
do with your potatoes not growing7"
eyes, sorr. Bedad, them onions was
that strong that my potatoes couldn't
see to grow for their eyes watering"
Natural Icehouse on Farm.
Water constantly freezes in summer
in rocky crevice on the farm Of John
Dood, in Sweden Valley, Pa. Aside Of
this fact, and with the intention of