Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1900-07-10


speech with sentiment, but her actions
were incomprehensibl BILE, browninged, and,
as regards their definite purpose, ruth
lessly kitchenered'
The difficulty experienced by foreign
ers in mastering the English language
is often ridiculously illustrated by signs
displayed before their places of business.
Down on Chr stan street, where there
are lot of sweat Shops sign was
noticed yesterday which read: Wanted
Hands on Goats" \ cobbler in the
same neighborhood displays the follow
ing sign in front of his shop: Shoes
Half Sold and Healed While you Wait >
p Philadelphia Record.
Mai. J. J. Dickinson of Missouri, now
a Washington correspondent, tells this
convention story about Winfield Taylor
Durbin, Republican nominee for govern
or of Indiana: "Durbin had Senator
Hanna cornered in the lobby of hotel,
and they had earnest conversation. AS
soon as it was over three score newSpa-
per men crowded i'll upon Col. Durbin
and wanted to know something of the
confab Get out your notebooks, said
Durbin to his Journalistic tormentors,
and take down literally what | say or
| will not tell you word OF what passed
between me and Mr.. Hanna In Il jiffy
fifty sharpened pencils were poised over
sheets Of white paper. Are you ready?
inquired Durbin. We are Historically
screamed the journalists in chorus.
We'll, said Durbin, speaking slowly and
with mock seriousness, i was trying to
borrow So from Hanna, but he STAYED
me off with the usual excuse--he didn't
have it.
Father was busily writing at his desk,
in, holJ
pinched finger for inspection.
Look, dadr' he exclaimed, with tears
in his eyes.
But daddy was busy, and only glanced
up and said:
Run away, laddie. Father can't make
it any better"
"Oh, but you could, daddy" he said.
you might have looked s'prised, and
said OH Pearson Weekly.
The Lady Bountiful of the parish was
going her rounds, and called at 4 small
cottage occupied by model peasant.
whose wife had been an invalid for
some years, relates the New York Tele-
gram.
And how is Mary today?' inquired
the visitor.
Just about the same, thankee kindly,
men," was the reply.
did she enjoy those little things
sent her Yesterday" asked the lady
The things come all right, mem, an
we be greatly obleeged; but if 1 might
make so bold, wGuld we not send her
any more of that jelly? Some jam
strawberry jamie much more sootable,
men,"
"Why, doesn't she care for the jel,y?''
was the natural query.
Yes, mem, she do; but l can't say as
does"
''Set fire to the city commanded the
May I ask why, sublime sister-in-law
Of the celestial spheres?" inquired the
head of the household watch guard
L am burning the city" replied the
Empress, so that there will be no
Pekin around herer'
of real China silk, she swept like a wa
ter-logged junk from the apartment
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Julian Ralph's powers of description
are quite extraordinary. Though they
lead him at times into seeming eXtraya-
gance. yet they greatly enliven his nara
tive, relates an exchange. He advises
the traveller IN South Africa TO take
along a fig leaf for a daytime costume
and a Laplander's suit for night. All
kinds CT weather, he says, are served out
during each twenty-fOur hours. As for
healthfulness, not even Colorado can
compare with it.
ITO go to Colorado you must be a mil
llonalTe with only one lung, and you
must keep your lung and part with your
million. But here the rule is to come
pennileSs with no lungs Thus eStab-
lished, you! develop new lungs and be-
come a millionaire"
No wonder the British thought South
Africa WCIth fighting for
Il beg your pardon said one man to
another in a train; but | am the man
ager of circus. and | have a vacancy
now for q strong man."
well, what of itY'
why. sir, | saw you open the car
rage window, with no apparent effort,
and l thought perhaps we could agree
on the terms and you could begin your
engagement Immediately. It'd Bits.
Too Tame for Him.-"NO," said the ST
Louis man, Il didn't enjoy the street car
ride you gave me. The scenery was all
right and the roadbed good, but it was
too tame 'Tame?'' Eyes. At home
I'm used to being blown up at every sec
ond street car corner. "-Cleveland Plain
dealer.
w ucu was Will the ~ MuSIdFti
Plaster" company, taking the part of
Lionel bingham, | first met Bill Nye.
After the performance he called on me At
the hotel. [ remember the conversation
distinctly II was pleased with your act
ing tonight Mr.. Hamfat," he said, in his
peculiar dron way. "By the way, what
the hotels ?" | asked. ooh, no." he re-
piled, smilingly, Il mean what stage
part?' 81 took the part of Nick 0.
Teene in The Dukes Pipe" I an
swered. .Was your last seasons tour
successful from a financial standpoint %
he next inquired. well" | returned,
altogether it was fairly so, but not as
good as this season. You see, "A Mus
tard Plaster draws much better than
The Dukes Pipe did."-From the rem
iniscences of Sir Irving Hamfat now
being translated in seven different lam
uages.-Indianapolis Sun.
Don't you consider it lucky to pick
up pin?" asked the superstitious man.
Not if you pick it UP by sitting down