The Washington weekly post., 1900-04-03
Mr.. BOwSER'S TRIBULATlONS.
He shows Mrs. Bowser How to Do >priug
H0usecIeauing.

Il guess not. ut, whyg' he queried in
reply.
We'll. I thought I'd begin houseclean-
Ing tomorrow. I've got two women and
man coming TO help me, and 1 want TO
get an early start
Two women ana man, eh?" he unused
as he laid down his paper. 1.-TWO women
and man. and 1t Will take you a month"
"Oh. no; hope to get through in three
days"
In other words, Mrs. Bowser. this
house is to be upset from cellar to gar
ret for the next three days in order that
a man and two women may loaf around
and charge you s. day apiece for it
That's your way exactly. By gum, but /
don't believe there's another woman like
you on earth"
Haven't got to clean house," she
asked
"Yes, things have got to be tumbled
over once a year, l suppose. but 1 don't
propose to be upset for three or four
days, nor pay out $50 in cash. What
housecleaning is wanted around here can
be done in one hour by the clock. and I'm
work off about three pounds of super
be ready in five minutes
But you-you can't clean house,
pleaded Mrs BOwser as she barred his
way upstairs Just let it go. I've thought
of another plan. I'll do It, one room at
a time. and all by myself"
What's the matter that I can't clean
house? YoI watch my smoke and see.
We won't have any pottering around
ah Z Fre- to
a week over what / can do in an hour
I'll take the parlor first, and you needn't
worry"
Mrs. Bowser dropped into a chair with
a groan, aTai Mr. Bowser jumped into an
old suit and was downstairs with a step
ladder in ten minutes. The family cat
came up from the kitchen and saw him in
his shirt sleeves and a grim look on his
face, ard she quietly slipped under the
lounge to be clear of the shower when the
splinters began to fly.
"A man and two women. Ell? Three days
and $50 expense To clean house! Kindly
keep track of my motions"
Ard with five twists and a yank Mr.
Bowser had the furniture out of the par
lor into the sitting room. The casters
chirruped and the dust flew, and Mrs
Bowser lodged he dancing chairs and
made her way Upstairs. There we're pic
lures and wall ornaments 10 come down
II would have taken Mrs. Bowser half a
day to remove them, but the time con-
Sumed by Mr. Bowser was a little short
OF twelve minutes. That was a saving
OF eleven hours and forty-eight minutes
TO begin with. In taking the pictures down
ne grabbed them by the corners and gave
flrt and a twist and snapped wires or
hooks and started the molding from the
wall, but be was working against time
AS the last picture came down, the corner
struck and knocked the nose off a marble
bust Of Shakespeare, and Mrs Bowssr
called down TO know what had happened
'Nothsng-nothing tall replied NIr
Bowser, as he picked up the nose and
flung it out Of the window. You Just
keep quiet, and I'll show you how 10 do
spring housecleaning. I don't think wen
have to put breakfast ahead OF the usual
time
In carrying the ornaments into the Sit
ting room he struck a vase against chair
and shivered it, but the shiver didn't
reach Mrs. BOWSer, and ne had nothing to
complain of. The cat purred and grinned
as she looked out from her lair. Things
were getting interesting. They got more
Interesting as Mr. BOwser loaded Up
with rugs and came staggering 10 trip
over his own feet and come down on his
knees and roll over on the broad OF his
back.
II thought you had gone through he
cellar"' said Mrs. Bowser as she cine
hurrying down stairs.
And suppose / hadr' he demanded as
he struggled up. I'm bOssing this Job.
and If ] want TO break through the door
that's my business. You see what I've
accomplished. don't you? In twenty-five
minutes I've done more housecleaning,
than you and your crowd could have &c
eomplished in three days. Don't come
interfering. 1 know my gait"
The room having been cleared OF fur
niture, the next thing in order was 10
take up the carpet Some folks vase
time by prying out the tacks, sut there
is another way. and Mr.. Bowser caught
on at once. Having got a corner loos-
ened, he seized the border 10 both hands
and heayed and tugged. and there was a
rip, rip. rip all along the baseboard. All
he had 10 do was 10 walk around the room
and heaye away. Some men would have
folded the carpet over and rolled IL CD
when il was free from the fOor. bus Mr.
Bowser didn't He drew a loag breath.
wiped the sweat out OF his eyes ard
rushed the carpet together in heap to
resemble small haystack. As a sort OF
grand Wind-up and 10 reduce the Ar sat
of the pile he fell on il Two yells and
a whoop followed. and the sounds Jumped
the cat out from under the lounge and
brought Mrs. Bowser down stairs OF
wings He hadn't meant 10 veil when he
fell foul OF the tScks and Imagined for
a minute that ne had kicked over a hgm-
b!ebee's nest. but ne was taken By sur
Prise However Mrs 3Owser found him
on his feet and struggling 70 preserve
a calm and careless demeanOr. and she
could only remark.
1T must have been cats hghting Ia the
back yard. / see you've got the carpet
up. The next thing Is 10 dust the cell
ing I'll get yGH a feather duSter"
When she had handed him the duSter
and disappeared, Mr. Bowser advanced
and kicked that heap OF carpet about
leg. hundred tackS had tabeest into him
ard left snarting wounds. bui he felt
easier after the kicking. All that was
needed now 10 finish up vas 10 use the
dUster He carried the st=p-ladder over
TO a corner and mounted ii and began
vork. and as he worked he ehuekled- Mrs
Bower had figured on standing the house
on its head for two or three weeks. but he
had got the best OF her Breakfast znd
diI-Ier would be served At the usual
hours, and be wouldn't have 10 climb over
scrub brooTns, mop sticks. and pals nf
water 10 get in or out cf the house. He
was using the dus;er about a. a lah-orrr
uses a crovhzr and fiattering himself
that the house would soon gO 20 rack
without him when so-ae movement caused
The foot of the Ladder 10 slip MF. BoNEer
let f4l tie duster and grabbed something