The Washington weekly post., 1900-12-25
the c. o. D. NAN.
He Tells Hew He Worked n Bluff and
Made q stake.

They call me the c. o. d. tramp because
it's always cash on delivery with me-
that is. / deliver my tale of misfortune
and expect the cash 10 follow. Never
crowd myself In among gentlemen unless
strongly urged, and never affiliate with
other tramps when ! can find a straw
stack for myself Consider myself a good
deal OF an aristocrat. and when collared
by the police / fall back upon my blue
blood and dignity instead Of making a
squeal. Have been sent 10 Jail a score OF
times for vagrancy, but have always
emerged with new aims and ambitions
and my moral standard as bright as ever.
Have now and then flled positions OF
trust-that is, the chief of police or sheriff
trusted me to get outside the county lines
within two hours. ard have always done
my level best to accomplish the feat and
prove the stanchness of my principles.
A county jail or a state house OF correc-
ton Is not always a bad thing TO take,
providing his honor doesn't make the
visit too long-gives a travelling gentle
man frequent chances at the bathtub and
an excelsior mattress. and the change OF
diet always braces him up; certain cure
for sore feet. and after a gentleman has
had the burs and thistles scraped of his
back and got the weeds and straw out
of his hair he feels more like picking up
the classics again. Officials of a prison
don't always recognize an aristocrat at
first sight and treat him accordingly, but
l have never paid second visit to an
institution of the sort without being more
or less gladly welcomed.
l was hanging about Philadelphia the
other week and making more or less of
a success OF my C. o. ID. system when /
meets up with catosh young man one
evening I could tell that he belonged to
the sw1gger set while he was yet half q
block away. He had the look Of young
man with a rich papa, a loving mother.
and mouth for champagne. i stops him
and begins my little story. which ir-
cludes thirteen misfortunes and a chunk
of ingratitude as big as a house, when
he cuts in with:
"Stow IL, Gully. Where was you born?"
I'm the lap of luxury" gays /.
How was you brought up?'
"On an allowance Of $50 month"
where's your palace carr"
Switched off and left behind
"And your valet?"
Dropped dead of heart disease the 9TH
er day, and I'm afraid 1 can't Gil his
place"
Look here, Gully" he goes on. breath
ing extra dIy champagne all over the
block and taking up million-dollar atti-
tude, II think / knows dilapidated gen.
tleman when 1 sees one"
ID. G. (dilapidated gentleman) hits me
to dot" says I.
"And you've got biceps?"
Feel and see. Reaching out for nickels
for the last fifteen years has given ne
the muscles Of a Sandow. Best thing In
the world for shoulder exercise"
"And, being a dilapidated gentleman,
you ought to know how to put up your
dukes"
/ put 'em up and tapped him one. two,
three on the chin.
"Goodg' says he. Il belongs to an S.
S. S. (swagger swell seO Club down here,
and a galoot with lisp smashed my nose
with the gloves half an hour ago. want
revenge. II you'll knock his eyebrows
off I'll cough up V. can run you in all
right, and | want you to dope him"
Its five to dope the chap with the lisp,
says I, but how much to bluff the whole
club room into their boots?"
'Can you do it?"
Il think l can"
Lord, if you only could-if you only
couldi There's a dozen husky scrappers
there tonight, and IL you biun em It's
fifteen plunks In your inside pocket"
He lodged me into the club and into
and when / was ready fos
the ring he introduced me as his cousin,
Sam, OF PittsbuTg. / had on pair or
eyeglasses. and my hair was brushed back
over my marble ears, and looked pro-
fessorish. They picked out the champion
ut.aI Inn
when he got into the ring he says:
You've got your glasses on.
"Of course" says /.
But that amt regular"
I'm nighsighted and always box with
my winkers on. You go right ahead and
never mind EN-"
IN be hanged If / do" says he, as he
craWlS under the ropes.
Then they got in another chap, but he
had only pulled one glove on when he
looks over at me ana sees me sitting
cross legged and smile on my face. ana
he says:
Not any for joel ] knows tidal wave
when / sees 1t. and / don't banker after
six months in the hosp!tal?'
The catosh young man who had picked
me up offers so, $50. $50 for anybody 10
stand before me for three rounds, but the
crowd shake their heads and wait for
easy. 1t was the eyeglasses.
you know-a regular Ice cold bluff-and
they swallowed IL down and had goose
fesfr all over 'em.
"Being as this crowd don't seem 10 want
anything in particular of my Cousin
Sam" saws young catosh after awhile,
''and being my Cousin Sam has three or
four important engagements on hand, /
will withdraw him till some OF you think
you can box a bit"
And as 1 was resuming my apparel he
slips me the ID plunks and pats me on the
back and says:
SD. G.. (dIIapidated gentlemanl, II ] 4
wasn't my papa's favorite son and my
Joy I'd hitch UP with you. and
we'd travel together and have barrels OF
fun. AS Il Is, I'm stuck here. But take
your sugar and go forth, with my blessing