The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1900-08-12
JOKES OF CLERICAL MAKE

IL.
Tor how solemn the occasion ~ What he
surroundings" said an English CLERGYMAN
8 visitor in Washington. the other dsv when
'ne conversation turned on the funny ex-
ippriences OF clergymen and the humor mat
church
was assisting an old friend of mine.
Tue rector oil church in ireland, one sun
uuy. are before the service we were 10 the
Nesuy room putting on our robes with the
ola sexton, a shriveled up frshman of the
perfect type. assisting My friend, who was
somewhat old. was little testy that morn.
ING and somehow the sleeve Of his surplico
got mixed up. Notwithstandius the ass,duous
EFFORTS of the old sexton to direct his arm 70
/ tue right hole the two would not connect
linaily losing patience my friend said sharp
W 'Ach, the diril's in the thing.
TIE old sexton frightened up and, look
Ing over at me with twinkle in his eye
said as quick as lightning: Not yit, your
riverinee.'
1T restored the good humor Of the situa-
tion and the vestment was properly adj
iusted."
"a good story is told on the other side OF
the late Bishop Beckwith of Georgia which
do not think has got into print though
some OF the witty sayings Of that immensely
popular and most excellent prelate OF the
1 Episcopal church have been retold. some
years ago the bishop visited England. and
during his stay there was for part of the
tine guest at country house in the mid
die counties. A large number of people were
in IN rbo
commenced.
On the morning the bishop left he was
driven to the station with young man who
was also taking his departure from tho hos
pitable mansion. Bishop Beckwith ensconced
himself comfortably in first-class carriage
and waited for the train to start. Leaning
back in his seat. he became aware of loud
and angry talking just outside his window
and looking out saw his young companion
standing with a hand on the same carriage
door, while he used strong language to the
Porter, who, 1t seemed. had mislaid a guncase
and 1t could not be found. The young gen
tleman was angry and expressed himself in
unpariiamentary language. Just then the
sign was given, and, opening the door, the
young man jumped into the carriage and seat
ed himself in front of the bishop. He was
shocked to find himself confronted by his
reverend companion. who, he had supposed,
was somewhere else on the train. He at once
apologized for the language he had used
" II really beg your lordships pardon he
said. but am q plain sort Of fellow and call
a spade spade
| Indeed, SIR questioned the bishop. with
upifted eyebrows. should have thought
Ia
call it a damned old shovel
4 ~
"The only time ever heard congrega-
ton laugh unrestrainedly during the regular
services in a cathedral was back in the sos.
when ] was resident of dear, dirty Dublin,
On ore Sunday morning the archbishop of
Cork preached, He was splendid man, an
freshman to the backbone and possessed OF
as hno brogue as ever distinguished a son
of Erin. His congregation was made up OF
the very essence of fashion in Dublin, which,
In those days. was one of the greatest social
centers in the world. VIGOROUSLY, people
were living beyond their means, for the in
come from the landed estates of Ireland had
taken big tumble. But that made no diff
ference. and good dressing went as a matter
extravagances. The archbishop preached on
the subject OF extravaganza and spoke par
lticularly of overdressing His sermon was a
bitter arragnment of the sin of debt and the
wickedness OF setting the heart on fashion
and dress. He attacked the overdressod
woman. and wound UP this particular refer
enoe this way
Now. supposin' every one OF ye--every
one, man and woman should stand up in this
church, take off the clothes We have not paid
for, Just walkin out with the things on your
back we have paid fora pretty -lookin lot
OF scarecrows ye'd be-
There was pause until the real signih-
canoe of the suggestion had percolated
through the members of his congregation.
then some one snickered Every one was
plcturng to him and herself the real scene
that would occur should the archbishop's idea
be carried into effect, while wife looked al
husband and members of EACH family nudged
one another. The ludicrous side was ire
slstible and the laugh was general
~
"I once attended church at whaley, 1T
tie village on the borders of Lancashire and
Yorkshire, In England. The church, which
had been q part of the old aDoey. was puit III
the year 1866, and is today one Of the mos
interesting sacred edihces in Great Britain
The rector was a Mr. Whitaker. very ole
very stout and very deaf. He had occupied
the living for thirty years, and while he
generally appeared in church and took some
part In the services he was able to AFFORD tbs
luxury of curate and was always glad to Sc
cure the services of friend to preach. Or
one occasion gentleman knew very wei
was to oficiate 1t was his custom to limi
his sermon to twenty minutes, preaching
ex tempore, and always took out his watcl
and his pocket handkerchief, placing then
beside him before commencing. This he die
as usual, and. finding very convenient lit
tie round receptacle, stuffed the handker
chief into 1t, laid the watch on top and aret
away.
The congregation was surprised to see th'
old rector, who was sitting at the bottom
desk of the 'three-decker erection. which
suppose still stands right in the center anC
halfway down the isle-'not in the chancei, al
in the modern churches-become very uneas,
lin his seat. He squirmed around and looked
nm. though everyone knew quite well tina
he could not hear word Of the sermon
FINALLY he beckoned to the black-gowned ole