The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-09-16
Fun of the World.

a plumber who was sent TO the houss
of a stock broker TO execute some ls-
pairs, was taken by the butler into the
dining-room, and was beginning bis
work when the lazy Of the house enter
ed. john said she. with a suspicious
glance towards tie plumber. semove
The silver from the sideSoard ard leek
Il up AT once" But the man OF lead
was in nowise disconnected Tom,
said he TO his apprentice. who accom-
panied him. take my watch and chain
and these coppers home TO my mlssus
at once There seems 10 be disnones-
people about this house
< < <
The story OF the eye ist who found
over the door of a Cheshire church The
cheerful text, This is the gate OF
Heaven. with the modifying post
csript, This door Is closed in the win
ter months" recalls 20 the London Tab
let another incongruity OF rather SINH
lar kind. Cardinal Manning went one
day 10 his publishers for a copy OF
book of his own--Confidence In God
The order was shouted down 10 the
stock room, whence came the reply.
.Manning's Confidence in God ali
gone"
Two ministers, a Baptist and Meth
odfst. met al the Kansas City convention
and fell to joking. Said the Baptist
preacher 10 the Methodist: I suppose
you know that Bryan has turned Bap-
tist?'
NO" gasped the Methodist preacher.
that can't be-"
Nevertheless. that's true sad tie
Baptist.
n
be true. Why. to be a Baptist you have
got TO be totally immersed, haven't
your
Certainly" said the Baptist.
well. then, il can't be true said the
Methodist; do you suppose that Mr.
Bryan would consent 20 disappear from
the popular view so long as that?
x < ES
Among the horrors Of war, humorous
situations often occur. An English army
surgeon in South Africa tells an anus
ing story of an Englishwoman OF high
rank who was engrossed by the charms
of amateur nursing. One morning, on
approaching the cot of a soldier 10
whom she had given especial attention.
she found him with his eyes tightly
closed and a piece of paper pinned on
the sheet, on which was written: Too
III 10 DC HuSS~U S~NoS' -
J. L"
u x gg
John ]. Janney, OF Columbus, Ohio,
called on President Lincoln during the
war. He waited long time for an aud
fence. He writes: Finally my time
came and Lincoln turned and saw me
sitting TO one side. 1 had never met
him but the one time some years before
in Columbus, but he knew me at once
and said: Have you been here all this
time? Why didn't you let me know
it?' And then he went on 20 talk about
various things. Finally he said; You
are going to defeat Sammy out In your
district this time, aren't your referring
TO a Democratic candidate for congress
in Ohio. I told him / thought so, Then
he continued: ! understand that Sammy
is a great friend of mine-just as warm
a friend as I have. He reminds me OF
q. hog that old Sam Brown had. Il got
out and was gone for some time Sam
could see where It had been rooth g
along the creek, and he said one morn
ing TO one of his sons that the boy
was TO go along on one side OF the
creek and Brown himself would go aloug
the other. for I think said he, that
the hog is on both sides OF the creek.
x < x q
A man who had never seen the inside
of a court room until he was Introduce
as a witness in a case pending in one OF
the Scott sh courts. On being sworn. took
a position with his back 10 the jury and
began telling his story to the judge.
The Judge. in a bland and courteous
manner. said:
address yourself 10 the jury. sir"
The man made a short pause, but. not
xr~ho n hRan said 70
him. continued his narrative.
The Judge was then more explicit. and
said 10 him, Speak to the jury. sir; The
men sitting behind you on the henchs s
The witness at once turned around
and. making an awkward bow. said
with perfect gravity:
Good morning. gentlemen"
u z x x
Only once did Mark Twain appear ir
public as a political speaker. AS con-
scientious Republican in his political
preferences, MIR. Clemens took an active
interest in the presidential campaign OF
1880 While visiting in Elmifa. y. =. IN
the fall of that year. he made a. Short
speech one Saturday night, introduci1g
TO a Republican meeting General Haw-
ley, of Connecticut. In the course Of
his remarks Mr. Clemens said:
church at Hartford, and the author OF
Beautiful Snow Maybe he'll deny
that. but l am only here TO give him a
character from hfs last place. As a
pure citizen I respect him, as a persOnal
friend Of years l have the warmest re-
gard for him, as a neighbor whose vege'
table garden adjolns mine, why--why.
watch him. AS the author Of Beautiful
Snow he has added a news pang 20 win
ter. he IS a square. true man IN honest
politics. and / must gay NJ occupies q
mighty lonesome position So broad. 80
bounfifui is his character that he-neys y
turned a tramp empty-handed from q
door, but always gave him "a letter 81
introduction to me. Pure, honest. incor-
r1ptible. that IS Joe Hawley. Sucl a
man in politics IL like a hottie Of per
fumery IN q glue factory-it may moder-
ate the stencil. but # doesn't destroy =.
haven't said any more OF him taan I
would say Of myself Ladies and gentle
men. this Is General Hawley.'
FR
There s. a little settlement % New
Hampshire people In Klowa county, Col
Among other things. they brought vita
them he New Hampshire aversion %
using any more words n c0uversst n
than are absolutely necessary. Two n
them met on the road recently and tn
dulged IN the following dialogue:
'n6ornin'. ST.
'8ornin'. Josh
"Whard you give your horse for bossz-'
'fTurpentine.'
''3fornin.
'.Morrfn'"
A few days late- ire usea re: axalu.
and heres the way a hard luck stoTy
z~sIs fofa r. mighty fsN words
'fAoruin'. 81
.t3f0ruin'. Josh"
'e7yhars you say you gave your horse
for ootsZ
'Turpentf1 ne"