Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-08-19
PILGRIM JOE.
Some Things That Happened Be-
tween the Towns of Ripperville
and Boomerang.
change.

4
tween the Towns of Ripperville
| and boomerang.
| Seated on my tintype wagon, with
the old boss well fed, my fghtin' dog
purrin in contentment and my heart
filled with festive feelins. l left the
town Of Ripperville an hour after sun
rise and journeyed towards Boom
erang. Thar was peace on airth and
good will to all. and l presently found
my self saying SIGH sayIn's as:
"A man who keeps fghtin dog and
too much religion is never without a
| quarrel
And also:
THE world goes about lookin fur an
honest man and is lamentin because he
can't be found, but if diskivered ne
would only be sot down as a fool.
And likewise:
After you get leetle used to it you
kin just as well extend your sympa-
thies to humanity as your money, and
| you'll find it heap cheaper"
81 had driv about two miles and my
| heart was still boundin with good
feelin towards all mankind, including
| army contractors, when l diskivered
a Chinaman seated under tree by the
roadside. l saw that he wept and
was afflicted and that he had bin tryin
to hang hisself with a rope which had
| broke and let him down. In my
paternal way and with sympathy
| beamin from my eyes l asked the
| heather if he was tired of the turmoil
of life and the struggle ag'in mans
inhumanity. He nodded his head, and
two laundry ears, warranted all hand
work, rolled down his cheeks. l sot
out to tell him that brave heart, hope
in the future and three fat irons would
eventually bring him out on top the
| heap, but he shook his head in SIGH
mournful way that saw my duty
/ plainly. Coin back to my wagon. got
out ten feet of rope, carried fur Jest
| SIGH cases, and handed it to him with
my congratulations. After l had driv
on fur half mile 1 stopped and looked
| back. and as nigh as 1 could make out
the Chinaman had made a good job of
| it,
| was purceedin slowly onward and
refiectin several reflections on the sor-
rers OF humanity when a bareheaded.
barefooted woman, who had tears in
| her eyes, but was not beautiful to gaze
| upon, come out of sod cabin on the
prairie and wanted to know if he'd
heart of flesh and blood. | answered
that l he'd and that it was a heart
which felt fur the sorrers of others.
Then she weepin'ly informed me that
! her husband had driv her out into the
cold world in order to take up with a
younger and better lookin woman.
kin SIGH things be-" she asked as
she looked up at me through her tears
They can't" said l as / felt the
bristles on my back begin to ries. I'm
bibe from this bottle of strength re-
storer. Take about two gills, and
when the hectic flush appears on your
! cheek We will interview your old man.
who appears to be standin in the door
and waitin fur sunthin to happen"
In about five minits she was ready.
Thar was a determination in her eyes
| and hope in her heart as she bounded
forward. l had posted her, as was my
! duty toward the weak and helpless, of
I the benefits of gettin in The fust blow,
and as she reached the door she seem
ed to kick forward with both feet at
once, and at the same time she got in
right hand and left hand hooks, as the
j sinful call 'em. The husband who had
/ driv her out went down with a crash.
and through the open door / saw her
kneel on his PROSTATE body and lam
and belt and swat and wallop him
| with heartiness that was cheerful to
behold. When assured that victory
| had perched upon her banner and she
was entitled TO all the gate receipts. |
mounted my qwagin and driv on. Jest
a few consolin words and half a pint
OF restorative had turned the tables
and made her boss the roost, and I
felt myself encouraged 10 go onward
in the cause of sufferin humanity.
] was within four miles or the town
of Boomerang when / heard voice
wailin by the roadside and discovered
another human bein In distress. He.
was man of years and guileless look,
and bis raiment was torn and tattered.