davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
How She Tried to Do 1t.

The infant child of the eminent au-
thor was raising Cain and most every
one else who has been buried since the
days of the fall, says Harper's Bazaar.
He was bawling at the top of his voice,
and it lowered above even the sky
scrapers of Lower Broadway. And in
the meantime the eminent author was
trying to extract from his inner con-
seriousness quiet, peaceful, idyllic de-
scription of medieval love scene
Presently he began to notice the wild
cries that were breaking in on his con-
centration, and when they passed be-
yond his endurance he finally rose and
stalked majeslically from the study to
confer with the wife Of his bosom.
What in creation is Willie bowling
about? BY my halidom one would
think he was possessed Of demon.
Dost thou not perceive that he disturbs
me? What ails him."
"Well," said the patient wife, with
a half sob, 81 am sure | don't know
what to do with him."
"But why is he crying?"
Simply because l made him stop
making a noise for fear he would dis
turb you at your work. "
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
Did Well.

A thrifty Irish woman who came to
America a widow with five SIN II chill
dren and has raised hem ~ and Given
them a common school education by
her own hard work was extremely
anxious that her eldest boy sho d
marry a girl with portion" as she
called 1t, and was correspondingly
angry the other day when she learned
that be HAD wedde a Salvation las
Bie." The first time the son called to
see her after the Wedding, which he
had kept secret from her. he did MOI
bring the bride, fearing that her recep-
ton would not be pleasant one. His
old mother scolded him FOR not mar
Tying at least the daughter Of a sa-
loon keeper or an aid srman. MotEe,
replied the bridegroom, meekly, Il
have done better nor that l have
married a daughter Of the Lord"
'Huhl" snorted the old woman with a
ready tongue. I'm thinkin' it'll be a
long time before We set eyes on yer
father-in-lawi"-N. Y. Tribune.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
Kent in upne Reads Rem d nit.

Opie Read hates to wear a dress suit,
says the Chicago Journal
Recently he was invited to appear
before a large and fashionable au-
dience, and, much against his wishes,
he was prevailed upon to borrow for
the occasion a dress suit.
The author told him stories to the
assembly, and much laughter and ap-
olause greeted his recital AS he
turned to leave the stage the laughter
and applause broke forth with re-
doubled emphasis. The author stepped
forth from the wings and bowed low
in recognition of the fiattering greet
ing, then left the stare again. The
laughter grew louder. Mr.. Reid re-
peated his acknowledgement and again
sought the wings.
The laughter sill continuing, Mr..
Read was about to make another sally,
when a friend behind the footlights
grabbed him.
They're not laughing az your stories,
Opie," whispered the friend. "They are
laughing at big rip in the back Of
your coat. Upon your first appearance
you burst it from top 70 bCttom."
Mr.. Read subsidized without word.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
ONE coNUNDRUM
Was All the Club Was Able to Handle.
Before Il Died.

was All the Club Was Able to Handle.
Before Il Died.
They had started a Conundrum Club
and every one was expected to come
prepared with a number of good ones.
i've got one," Anderson said.
What is it," Queried the poet.
when is an apple pie?" He stop
ped, and everyone looked at him but
said nothing.
WELL" asked a man across the
room, go on. What did you stop
there for?"
j Go On2 whereH What for? he
asked.
WHY, go on wit your oonundrum.
When is an apple pie what?'
When is an apple pie?"
There isn't any sense in that" put
In another fellow. whats the rest
Of it?'
There isn't any rest, persisted
Anderson. when is an apple pie?'
M When Is an apple pie what?" vel ed
the others.
who said any apple pie what?'
"You did"
al didn't | didn't say anything
about an apple pie"
'You did"
didn't"
"You did"
81 didn't"
And then the whole ass emily sat on
Anderson, and when the police came
In and rescued him it took half an
hour to explain that an apple was pie
when it was closed up with sugar and
crust and things, like the pastry. It
smashed up the club though, and the
conundrum's usefulness is that far es-
ablished.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23

BAD INVESTMENT.

The Confident Stranger Found the
Wrong Kind Of Clerk.
"Mornin! Boss inP" inquired a con.
fldent looking stranger of aa weak
young man who stood behind the coun-
ter.
Yes, SIR"
uni You're advertising for q
new clerk, believe"
Eyes, we are"
Present clerk about anywhere?"
well, m clerk at present SIR
"Ah, That's gooU. new, whist sort Of
q lobster may the boss be? Old?'
About my own age"
Had any trouble with him at all?"
We'll / can't say | nave"
"Close-fsted guy amt he?"
Some people might call him So"
q thought so. If & on here and
he tries any of his nonsens on me I'll
get his head in the sugar bin. Just
give him my name, will you?"
We'll, if you applying for the sit
uation. I'm taking on the new man"
you are? Now | should like to get
this shop. Think you can come to an
Immediate decision if made it worth
your while?"
"Shoulon't wonder
"Ah! Now. l suppose we may con.
slider it settled eh?' as he slipped a
bill into the m J young mon h nd.
Eyes," said the individual as he
quietly pocketed the william. Some
how don't think you'll suit"
Thunder! Not suit; why, how's
that"
We'll, you see, | happen to he the
boss myself. Exchange
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
story OF IGdIson.

II is not every one that understands
the ordinary system Of banking and the
proper thing to do with a bank check.
Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe was sorely
puzzled over the huge check her pub
fishers paid her for her royalties In
Uncle Toms Cabin" and her husband
Gould not tell her how to get money
IN it. So, also, was it with Tom Edison
when he got his first check. When he
completed his model of his now IA
nous ticker" he Submitted it to the
president of a telegraph company, who
asked him to leave r. fcr examination,
Edison was out Of money and his land
lady had warned him for the last time.
lie had decided to ask $4,000 for his in
vention, but when the president at the
next interview asked his price his cour-
age oozed away, and he faltered out
that he would like to have the COM
pany make an offer.
How would $4,000 suit your" said
the president.
What" exclaimed the young wiz
ard, "all in money!"
Certainly; you can have 1t now"
"All right"
A check was drawn and handed over
to Edison with these words: THAT is a
check for 10000. Go to the bank
around the corner and they will give
you the money
At the bank he got into the long line
and worked up to the paying teller's
window. Then he pushed the check
over the sill. The teller saw that 1t
was not Endorsed and pushed 1t back
with fitting remarks, which Edison did
not understand, he being even then
slightly deaf. He retired cresttallen and
the thought dawned upon him that he
had been Swindled. He had another
scene with his landlady that night and
visited the telegraph president the next
morning in sheer desperation. He told
of his experience al the bank and beg
ged for his money or his model. He
was properly identified at the bank, in
dorsed the check and got his money in
big bills.-New York Press.
The Pope's Health and Habits.
Describing the habits of Pope Leo
XIII, the "Donenica del CorrIere," Of
Milan, says that he IA so DESTROYS of
being considered robust that, though
he always makes use Of a thick stick
while walking, he no sooner observes
some stranger approaching than he
swings his stick from hand to hand.
scarcely using It, He has excellent
sight and can read without glasses He
Is quite delighted when he has shown
that he can support all the fatigue Of
religour functions. official visits and
the not light weight Of pOntifcial robes
during some ceremony. He is rather
careless of his health during his rest
less nights. lie wears when IN bed
warm stockings and garments Of the
finest flannel. and when he Is seized
with poetical inspiration he rises
from his bed and, without waking his
faithful attendant, Pho Contra, who
sleeps IN the anteroom, goes TO his
fesk and writes down a Latin distich
l'y the Hight Of the night lamp, and viii
sometimes linger to compose more
verses. In this way he has frequently
taken one Of those colds that have been
reported real Illnesses. Formerly the
Pope would not hear Of other means Of
warming his apartments than the old
fashioned BLAZER, mt lately he has
Welded to the renonstrance Of HIS ply
scians and the rooms are made COM
Portable by proper Vtoves.--Eoudon
TeloPrnpl,
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
Stopping a Runaway Horse.


There was mild hullabaloo on Su.
perior street, and people who ran to
see the cause noticed black horse at
!aehed to two-seated carriage scamp
ering down the street on a dead run.
AS he dashed along several men made
lneffectual attempts to scare him into
a standstill by heading him off as far
as they dared, and waving their arms
and shouting, but he dashed by them
all. Then It seemed a certainty that
he would whirl the light vehicle
against a cable car, but man ran
out from Wood street and frightened
him from the track, and then Selling
the carriage az it passed clutched at
something and climbed in. AS the dis
tracted horse swerved aside, another
man ran out and caught him by the
head, and the excitement came to a
sudden end.
The way to stop runaway horse"
said well-known lawyer who saw the
finish of the affair, sis to run with the
horse step or two and then throw
yourself on the nearest thill. Don't try
to head him, you are pretty certain
to get hurt II you do. Put your whole
weight on the thill and jump with the
horse. Grab rein if you can reach it,
and then haul him around. Anyway,
bear down on the thill No horse can
carry your weight very long. You are
sure to tire him out, and he can't do
any serious jumping as long as you
cling to the thill. I've stopped.a num-
Der Of horses In Just that way. Yes, 1t
was some time ago. Now? No, thank
V0u "-Tolndo Roo
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
Not Always.

II am sorry to disappoint you young
man." said the great railway magnate
to the reporter who had called in for
the purpose of writing him up but
I did not begin at the bottom and
work my way up. | never BACKED the
boots of the engine wipers and never
carried beer for the janitor OF the
college by my father, inherited for
tune, which l invested in railroad
shares, and hold this job beca Sc
I have votes enough to control it. 1t
is too bad, my young friend, but we
can't all be self-made men. We would
become tiresome."
And he bowed the caller out i
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
-----'----------- =
Arrival and Departure Of 'saI9 BIS.
BALTIMORE &.oHIo RAILROAD
Schedule in Effect December q, 1899.
LEAVE FREDERICK.

LEA ' II fE bDiAhlCh
$50 A. M, except Sunday for Washington
junction and way stations.
600 a. m, daily, for Washington, Cumberland
and way stations, Philadelphia and New
York, and except Sunday for Hagerstown.
Due Washington $50 a. m.
$50 m, daily, for Baltimore, Philadelphia
and New York. Due Baltimore $50 a IN.
s. a. ~, except Sunday for Baltimore and
principal way stations, Philadelphia and
New York. Due Baltimore 1925 a. m.
go a. m, except Sunday, for HarperS Ferry,
Winchester, Harrisonburg and Lexington.
$40 a. m; except Sunday, for Washington,
Philadelphia and New York, Hagerstown
and way stations, incinnati, mdanapo-
lis. Pittsburg and Chicago. Due Washing
ton ll;55 a. m.
l.S5 p. m, except Sunday, for Baltimore and
way stations, Philadelphia and New York.
Due Baltimore 4:l0 p. m.
4.lO p. m, due for Washington and way sta.
tions, Philadelphia and New York, Cum.
6erland, CINCINNATI and st. Louis Due
Washington sos p. m.
4.So ?. m, daily, for Baltimore and way sta
IONS, Philadelphia and New York. Due
Baltimore 7.l0 p. IN.
$40 p. m, except Sunday for WASHINGTON
HagerStown, Winchester and way stations
Pittsburg, Wheeling, Chicago, PhiladeI.
phia and New York, Due Washington 94e
p m. ''-'
ARRIVE AT FREDERICK.
Goa m, except Sunday, from Mt. Airy and
way stations.
6.55 a. m, except Sunday from Cincinnati
Plttsburg. Washington junction and Wav
stations. Baltimore and Washington mali
arrives on this train.
S.S5 mr., except Sunday from Winchester
Hagerstown and way stations
lO.l5 u. m, except Sunday, from Baltimore
and way stations, Philadelphia and New
York. ""0 W"
1850 a. M, except Sunday, from Washington
and way stations
liz a. M, Sunday only from Washington
and way stations, st. Louis, Chicago and
Wheeling. N
l2.2S p m, sunday only, from Baltimore and
way stations, Philadelphia and New York
ZO9 p. m, except Sunday, from st Louis.
Cincinnati and Chicago, New York. Phila.
delphia, Washington, Hagerstown, Lex
1ngton and way stations.
345 p. m, Sunday only, from Washington
and way stations, st. Louis and Cincinnati.
4.OO p; mr., except sunday, from Baltimore
ana way stations, Philadelphia and New
York. N -'0"
6:l5 p. M, except Sunday, from Washington
and way stations, Philadelphia New York.
Plttsburg and Chicago
o:oU p; m, except Sunday, from Baltimore
ana way stations, Philadelphia and New
500 p m, daily, from Baltimore and way
$50 P. m, except Sunday, from Washington,
cumberland, Hagerstown, Brunswick and
way stations.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
origin Of Life Insurance.

The practice of insuring human lives
first came into use two hundred years
ago-to be exact, on October 6, 1888
and credit for being the first to give
real life to the movement is due to
the Rev. DR.. William Assheton, of Lon
don. On the date above mentioned the
Insurance Society for the Benefit Of
Widows and Orphans was incorporat.
ed in London, its statutes and bylaws
being framed in accordance with the
views set forth in book, which was
published in 1861, and which was en-
titled Natural and Political Investiga-
tions in Regard to the Current Lists
Of Births and Deaths"
John Graunt, wealthy Londoner,
was the author Of this book, and AS
shelton was so impressed when he read
1t that he at once took steps to form
life insurance company. He succeeded,
but not without much difficulty, and
among the provisions of this first COM
pany were the following: A married
man, not more than thirty years old,
could be insured for $1,000, one not
more than forty for $500, and one not
more than sixty for G300. Sailors and
persons travelling to distant countries
would not be insured. and suicides. as
we'll as those condemned to death, lost
the benefits Of their insurance.
The company flourished during the
FIRST year, but soon a1terward the d.
rectors learned to their cost that the
expenditure was much In excess OF the
receipts, and consequently they raised
the rate considerably. This did not
help them much, however. and the re-
suit was that Parliament finally came
to their relief by granting the company
an annual subsidy of $4,000. From this
time forward the company did good
business and it was not long before
similar companies were started
throughout Europe, as well as in this
cOuntry
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
Rsnartee.

"And thou wouldst marry this mis-.
creantl" Numbered the King.
n would" quoth the Princess
steadfastly.
what kind of wood?" asked His
Majesty, in a gentler tone.
81 pine!" Her Highness rejoined.
We'll, you'd butternut!" remarked
the sovereign and parent, determin d
to have the last word
And with these few lightning flashes
of wit was the cloud of domestic dis,
cord quite sipated.-Detroit Jour
nal
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23

a. m. p. m. p m. q. m. p. m.
Additional trains leave Frederick for Bruce
vile $50, As a. m and ASS p. M weekdays
returning, leave Bruceville for Frederick SSS,
1910 a. m, and $50 D. M
trains leave Hanover for Gettysburg at $40
a. M, 1899 and 5.42 p. m. weekdays return.
ing, arrive at Hanover from Gettysburg, 9l9
a. IN. and 4.2S p, m. weekdays.
TRAINS LEAVE YORK FOR THE..NoRTH.
Pacltc and Northern Express, daily.149 a. m.
News Express, daily. ..................6.52a a. m.
Niagara Exp and Mail, week days 10 q a. m.
chicago Exp; and Fast Line, daily. IL 53 p m.
chicago and st. Louis Exp. daily. 1907 p m.
western 9"d Snnthwes'n Exp. dailyl03O p. m.
For time tables and further information ap.
ply to Ticket Agent at the station.
]. B. HUTCHINSON, J,R. WOOD.
General Manager. General Pass. Agt.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
DUBLIC SALE
OF
VALUA BILE PERSONAL PROPERTY.

The subscriber, intending to decline farm
ing, will sell without reserve, at his farm, sit
uated at Park Mills, his entire Stock and
Farming Implements, on:as.: ;s--. cA.s ---,, -.
'''''' WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2S, 1900,
at 10 o'clock a. M, consisting of
70 HEAD OF HORSES,
a No. mares, good pillow or wagon leaders,
s, l two-yearold colt, superior driving horse,
"DoM PEDRO"
for lady to drive, good style and action;
AHEAD OF CATTLE,
among which are two milch cows, balance
steers from 600 to / 600 pounds
Is HEAD OF HOGS,
fine sows, balance shoats of 60 to 70 pounds;
5FARM WAGONS,
8 broad treads. l a siX-horse, new, others
nearly new; narrow-tread wagons, two
horse and three-horse, nearly new;
2GooD BINDERS,
one Mccormick and one Deerng binder;
mower, l lawn mower, spring-tooth har.
rows, one 23-teeth, new, run but three days;
double corn plows, one harrow combined,
new; | spike harrow. cultivating plows,
shovels, double and single shovel plows, sew.
eral barshear plows. 2 fifteen-barrel wagon
beds, new; western beds, pair of natural
bend hay carriages, y feet; pair wood lad
ders, grain drills, Bickford and Hoffman
and Buckeye make; cutting boxes, | hand
and one large steam ensilage cutter, | wheat
fan,
NEW BELLOWS,
tongs, anvil, vice, screw plate, hammers, etc.;
Dayton wagon, nearly new;
mn . r,,rSNr DTrTnv
new; / side-bar buggy,
4SETS OF BREECHBANDS,
brides, 2 wagon saddles, nearly new; s choke
straps, 10 collars, | siX-horse and one four
horse wagon line. pair of Richmond names,
some new; u new leather halters with chains,
Texas saddle and bride, sets of single har-
ness, one set new and heavy; l set of double
harness, | hay fork and rope, forks, shoves,
mattocks, hoes, grain cradle l sixth chain,
n1tn chain, heavy log chains home me
breast chains, 4 sets butt traces, corn planter,
corn sheller lot of South Carolina rock, lot
of white sacks and lot of guano sacks, l cir
cular saw and frame, l Pinch single saw,
new; 2 rip saws,
STEAM SAW MILL,
complete, with independent head blocks and
50-inch inserted tooth-saw, Diston's make, in
nlc
PEERLESS ENGINE,
been all remodeled, new straps for saw mill
with all tools belonging to same, such as
swedges, wrenches, side files, guages, etc.;
THRESHER
in complete order, Buffalo Pitts, 36-inch cylin
der; new large straw stacker, water wagon,
clover huller in running ORDER 2 cross cut
saws, 2 dung hooks, single, double and treble
trees, wagon pole, 2 corn markers, l scalding
tub, lot of barrels, 2 sausage suffers, | sleigh
and bells, washing machine and wringer,
lot of tubs, 2 pair of spreaders, bearing chains,
jockey sticks, lot of bacon, 600 barrels of corn,
$50 ACRES OF GROWING WHEAT.
Terms of Sale.-A credit of months will be
given on all sums above SO. by the purchaser
or Purchasers giving his, her or their note
with approved security, bearing interest from
the day of sale; all sums of $40 and under the
cash will be required. No property to be re-
moved until the terms of sale are complied
with.
+. A. ORDEMAN.
Harvey r. Lease Auctioneer.
Daniel Padgett, Clerk. mar. 2-4t
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
F frederick CITY MARKETS
Weekly Price List of Articles
of Commerce, Revised and Cor
rected Just Before Going
to Press.

Iheep Is feaIlZed on Tafnls with 2otatoe
docks of from 80 70 100 ewes. Such
locks can he better cared for, better
protected against cold and wet weather
and the lambs can he better preserved.
Such floclls should double their men,
oers every year, giving one laIEb to one
eve. the number extra by reason of
twins making up the loss from lack of
breeding and accidents to lambs These
nmbs. well grazed on good pastures,
with only a handful per day of corn or
cotton seed meal will, when at weight
Of 50 to 80 pounds, bring from SO to "a
from the butcher, and the wool will
more than pay for the labor and ex.
pense of the flock. Mutton brings a
higher price than any other meat, and
slowly but surely going higher.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
WHEAT, FLOUR, CORN, RYE. &C.


The Commissioners of Charities and Cor
rections of Frederick County, Md, will re-
ceive Sealed Proposals for furnishing supplies
for the use of the Almshouse and Jail FRI m
April |, 1900, to July |, 1850. The said Pro-
posals will be received on or before
THURSDAY, MARCH 20, 1900,
at 10 O'Clock q, M, at which time said Com
missioners will meet at the Court House and
open such Proposals and award the Contracts
to the lowest responsible bidders, who will be
required to give bond as the Commissioners
may approve for the faithful performance of
the contracts.
For copies of Supplies wanted, call on or adj
dress ID. T. Ordeman, Secretary, or II. B.
Witter, Treasurer, Frederick City, Md. The
Board reserves the right to reject any or all
bids.
A. H. ETZLER,
mar. I6-2t. President
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
Ten Hood to His Children

I wish there were such nice
hills here as there are at Sal
They must be very nice to roll
especially IL there are no furze
to prickle one at the bottom!
remember how the thorns stucl
like a penn'orth of mixed pins a
stead? / have been very Ill, and
thin now l could stick myself
prickle. My legs, In PARTICULAR
wasted away that somebody sd
pins are only needles; and l
weak l dare say you could pJ
down on the floor and right Il
the carpet, unless IL was a strd
tern. l am sure, IL l were a
gate you could carry me to t
ONCE and fetch my lettsTs.-Th
nightly Review.
Where the E'rofit Lies.
The largest percentage of prof
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
utllltarlan Point of View.

Can you tell me. my lend" said
the gentleman to the keeper Of the
camel, what the hump on that cam.
els back is for?"
What is 1t for?"
Eyes; of what value is it,"
''Well, it's los OF value. The camel
wouldn't be no good without it."
"Why not?"
"Why not? Yer don't suppose peo.
pie nd pay ter see camel without
hump do yer?"-London Telegraph.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23

De Jones-I hear your firm dis
charged you.
Smythe-Yes; but wouldn't mind
that so much if they hadn't added in
suit to injury.
De Joues-How SO?
Smythe- They advertised fol a boy
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
4. DORSEY ETCHIsoN,

JopIe would use no more coal
Ian might be necessary, the rail-
pads would transport no more
han usual and there would be no
ecessity for dumping" any
hing on the MARKET"
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
Attendance at Paris Expo.

On the basis of results of previous
exhibitions at Paris it is assumed that
52.5SS,2S people viii pass through
the turnstiles and it is possible that
the total number may reach 60.000.000.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
heaithlest Town.

The healthiest spot in the world
seems to be little hamlet in France
name Aumone. There are only 40 in
habitants, 25 of whom are 80 years Of
age and one is over 100.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23

Mrs. Newwed-Jonn, want 9
hat.
Mr.. Newwed-Well, really, Ma
can't really afford it.
Mrs. N. (sternly)-I have beer
ing through your note book Johr
if you can afford to buy your
writer new ribbons you can afft
buy me a new hat.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
DUBLIC SALE
VALUABLE CITY PROPERTY.

The undersigned trustee, appointed by
decree of the Circuit Court for Frederick
County, in No. TBS Equity, will offer at public
sale
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1900-03-23
PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD.
Schedule in Effect November 20, 1899.

FREDERICK DIVISION.
II" Stops only on notice to conductor or
agent, or on signal.
For PHILADELPHIA AND THE EAST.