The age-herald., 1900-01-07

pipes were used up
 Swearing off poker playing is not uncom- mon. To do this you must resolve to touch not, see not, handle not a card
 A certain young man of a city not so far away, has resolved not to get engaged dur ing the year 1900 His record last year was poor. The engagements in June numbered three, all broken through faults of his own and through fickleness. One of his fances broke her engagement because he f1irted; another because he asked to be released third bcause he told her that he was penni- less. This course persisted in would de- stroy the nervous system of any man and, so until the beginning of another New Year all mammas, with marriageable daughters especially, are warned to take notice The young mans manner has become so dstra.t that you will surely know him by his ac- tions.
 Another has resolved to swear off quarrel ing with his mother-in-law. The signal is sugar bowls. At the word sugar bowls the man is to shut up no matter what he may be sayfng-in the middle of his speech. It is the signal that the danger mark has been reached. It came about in this wise. The man. who is otherwise a peaceful body, sees things with a different eye. The moth- er-in-law has an eye of her own with which she also sees life The two, while vowing friendly feelings, are generally at variance. "Now. my dear" said the husband not long
 
 with your mother I would cease"
 "Very well, my dear,' responded the duti- ful wife. ''I will keep you informed. I will utter the word sugar bowls when I see that mamma is becoming offended" This has worked like a charm so far though the old lady looks hewildered at times, not be- ing in the secret.
 rather strange. but unquestionahly good resolution, is that made by man who has resolved to stick to one occupation faY. boJa Ja hp= "a so equ ntly that fe has heen-li'e he rro- verbal rolling stone-6est'tute Of moss. Let us hone that sticking to a thing, if it be a good thing. will net him we'll for 19O0l B -- n. . = - = s--, vichy. the younger pint of champagne, and soon they. too. chaneed to discuss the paragraph in point.
 Met her once" remarked the younger when he had read tine Item aloud. My people had been to dinner oHcs-Stanford was in railroads you knoW-when lae was senator. some thing. She was a good, simple sort Her husband called her Jane all during dinner. Wonder why she has beggared herself"
 But $25 GOO year is not hegsary in san Francisco" said the elder. Was there once? Genuine canvas socks, dollar and a half a pair tn markets"
 That makes a difference" the younger said, thoughtfully. 'But suppose she wants to come here; what can she do?"
 "Go to Yonkers," said the elder, senten- tously. 'I know fellow who hgs s20030 a year. Tried to do proper thing here. but saw it was no go. Went to Yonkers, has very fine establishment wife, two children. four servants, two Horses and pays his bills"
 What do people do in Yonkers?" the amazed young man inquired.
 "That's just it." explained the man who had discovered the secret of how to live mi dn-1it coach, no cubs-except golf-no polo no yachts no opera. They play golf as long as it is hght-irst golf club in country there, you know-then give little dinners no orchestras no tarrapIn, only one wine, and play games of cards.'
 Might as well be dead" the younger said. after a thoughtful pause in which he seemed to be endeavoring to mentally group the idea of life as it is lived in Yonkers.
 Not at all'' the elder said, heartily. Good thing for the kids and that sGrt of thtng goes very well when you are used to it. Why I know a dozen families who arc going through all the torments society can inflict, trying to live here on $25,e0o year. What do they do? Give two three dinners in the winter or two house parties in summer, down Rockaway Hunt set way, and live like what-d' ye-call- ems? Yes hermits, rest of the time. Friend of mine in that class has a couple of girls growing up, devi!ish pretty, too, put men won't look at 'eqn, and has a boy in Har- l yard that my boy tells me is a regular grind: does nothing but study, you know, because can't afford clubs societies, horses dogs. and things that make univer- sity life beaTable.
 NO, sir, the thing can't be done on $25.- Ooo, if there is a family. Why, three months at Newport costs that; three months on the other side costs that three months in Florida in the winter costs that; any hunt club costs that if the girls and misses ride; three months in New York. w.tEl opera box and fair entertainers. costs that. Why, saw it was just damned nonsense for a man with a family to try it. Yo7.ners, my boy. Yonlsers is the only way out of F..
 "Or keep single" said the ySunsei.