Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1900-01-09


Jimmy rabbit got drowned in on,
bath tub" Goodness. Didn't he
have his left hind leg with him PIN
dianapolis Journal.
Percy. did sou get up at o'clock TO
see the meteors:' Get up? What do
you think I'm made of? l stayed up
indianapolis Journal.
Henry. you said you'd take me to
the opera" Il know did. Amelia; but
decided I'd rather have winter
overcoat"-Chlcago News.
Mabel Il hear the world is coming to
an end November u. Maud-o, for
goodness sakes, and haven't anything
lit to wear.-Ohio State Journal
Weary Walker-Dat's mighty short
stump yer smokin. Dusty Rhodes
Yep; like 'em dat way; yer don't have
ter draw de smoke so far.-PhlladeL
phia Recorder.
Mrs. Nelghbors--But isn't your son
rather young to join the army? Mrs.
Malaprop- Well. he is cry young, but
then, you see. he is only going TO join
the infantry.-Ex.
Freddie What is circumStantial evil
dence? Cobwigger-As a general thing
it's the theory of an expert which is
proved to be entirely wrong when the
truth comes out. Judge.
Tit for tat: "I guess ooh.
don't guess. You Americans always
guess, you know" mo. l don't know.
You English always know. don't you
know" Chicago Tribune.
Customer Cemerging from bargain
counter crusm-Help! My leg Is
broken. Floor-walker-You viii find
the crutch department sir on the
fourth floor. in the rear.-Judge.
Mrs. Flashout-Yes, Bobby; all these
beautiful silk dresses of mine come
from a poor. little, Insignificant worml
Bobby Flashout-Yes. mamma; and
papa is the worm, isn't he?-Puck.
Fond Parent-Re Remember. my son.
the man who drinks never gets ahead.
Son twho has been out the night be-
fore)-He doesn't Ell? That's all you
know about it, Philadelphia Record.
Teacher-How dare you laugh at me,
you young rascals? Chorus of pupils
But we're not laughing at you, sir.
Teacher-Well. then. don't know
what else there is to laugh at-Tit-
Bits.
Automobile talk: HE has n great
faculty for putting the cart before the
horse" "Oh. wouldn't say that; say
he has a habit of trying TO make the
wheels run the motor. Automobile
Magazine.
why don't You teach her to ride
bicycle? You'd find it lots of fun" Il
don't need to. We've reached point
where I don't have to hunt up an ex-
cuse to put my arm around her waist.
Chicago Post q
The censor: Newspaper mani
should like to telegraph home that the
commanding general is an idiot! Censor
II regret to inform you that we can
permit the transmission OF no mil
tary secrets.-Life.
Friend-Why do you have such mis-
spelled and ungrammatical signs IN
vour front window? Sharp tradesman
People think I'm n Ounce. ana come
in TO swindle me. Trades Just DOOM
ing.-New York Weekly.
Fond Tommy, I've Just re-
ceived from Santa Claus telegram
saving he hasn't watches enough this
year TO 90 round. Tommy (refecuyeiy)
Well. Just wire him to call here early
in the evening. Weekly
FIusher-Did Miss Gaygirl make any
remark when you handed her my pou-
ouet! The Messenger-Yes; she SAID:
ooh. the dear, dear flowers "Humph!
That florist must have sent the Dill
along with the b. uquet Paris Ameri-
can Messenger.
A Necessary Requisite. Dorothy had
never seen any pumpkin pie until her
first visit to the country, and to her
grandmother's asking her If she'd have
a piece the little girl replied: mo. |
thank you. / never eat pie without
roof on It."-Judge.
AlIOEDRY--I on &AAi SUE MN va ~ $3.50
of promise, madam, but 1t seems to me
preposterous to claim $250000 dam
ages. Fair Client-I want to get so
heavy a judgment against him that
he'll just have to marry me-the scoun-
drel!-New York World
A Crafty Fellow.-First Girl-There
goes Mrs. Newlywed; her husband is so
careful Of her health that he VIII not
allow her to 90 shopping on wet day.
Second Girl-Hum! He probably fears
she might get near enough to the coufl-
tiers to buy something. Judge.
Merchant-And why wouldn't the
customer buy that tiger skin? Office
Boyle said ii wasn't genuine. Mer-
chant-And didn't you make It appear
plausible to him that 1t was genuine?
Office Boy-Why. of course. even
told him that shot the tiger myself
Fllegende Blaetter..
Now, sir, can you explain why you
ran away after being called on this
juryY asked the indignant judge. Il
couldn't help it, judge" said the trem-
bling juryman. II heard some one
say something about hanging the jury.
and / am opposed to capital punish
merit Baltimore News.
Burton-It's no use, I've tried to
make up with Person. but It is evident
that he Is determined never TO have
anything more to do with r1e.-Cottie--
But you don't 90 at him In the right
way. perhaps Burton-I praised bis
baby. and be didn't say word In re-
Boston Transcript
Ticklesome.