davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15
Mr.. DOOLEY
On Admiral Dewey's Candidacy
copyright. 1900. by R. H. Russelll

Iike?' says Cousin George. Tn.
Republicans ARE in favor iv expansion.
Thin I'm a Republican TIL Dimmycrats
ARE in favor iv free trade Thin I'm a
Dimmycrat.' TIL Republicans ARE fr
upholdin' tn gooId standard Som l. I'm
a Republican. there An they're opposed
to an income tax on that says Cousin
George. I'm a Dimmycrat. 1 tell ye, put
me down as a Dimmycrat. Divvle a bit l
care. Just say I'm a Dimmycrat with
sthrong Republican leanings. Put it in
this way: I'm a Dimmycrat. be a point
Republican. Dimmycrat. Amy sailor
man'n understand that 'Whatn / say
ye'er platform is?' Platform 'Ye have
to stand on a platform L do. do u Well.
L don't. I'll stand on no platform, an IN
hang on no sthrap. What dye think tn
PRESIDENCY is-a trolley car? No. sir. whin
We peek in tn dure to sell ye'er paper yen
see ye'er Uncle George settin' down COM
Portable with his legs crossed. thrippin' up
ANYONE that thries TO pass him. Go out
now an write ye'er little item. fr It's
late an all hands ARE piped to bed, he
says.
AN there we ar-re. Well. sir. it's a hard
year 1OuSlu 0COi6 sc udo lh clOlt II ulm.
Tn first thing he knows he'll have TO pay
fr havin' his pitchers I'm tn pa-aper. Thin
he'll larn iv siveral previous convictions in
Vermont. Thin he'll discover that they was
no union label on tn goods he delivered az
Manila Twill be pointed out be careful OBJ
servers that he was ilicted prisidint Nv tn
A. p. A. be tn Jesuits. Thin
dig up that story about his not feelin' amy
too well tn mornin' Nv tn fight, an ye can
imajine tn pitchers they'll print, an tn
jokes thatn be made an tn songs: Dewey
Lost His Appetite at tn Battle iv Manila
Did Mckinley liver Lose His?' An George
IL wake up tn mornin' afther iliction an
he'll have a sore head an a sorer heart.
an he'll find thai tn on'y support he got
was firm tn goold Dimmycratic party. an
tn chances ARE he caught cold firm goin'
out without his shawl an cudden't vote.
He'll find that a man can be fright an
be prisidint. but he can't be both at tn
same time. An he'll go down 90 breakfast
an issue Gin'ral Ordher Number Wan. To
All superior officers, commander admirals
iv tn United States navy at home or on
foreign sarvice: If amy man munitions an
admiral fr Prisidint hit him in tn eye an
charge same to me- And thin he'll go 10
his office an prepare a plan FIR to capture
Dublin, tn capital iv England. whin tn
mex war begins. An he'll spind tn r-rest
iv his life thryin' to live down tn time he
was a candydate."
We'll, be hivins, L think if Dewey says
he's a Dimmycrat an Joyce is with him,
III give him a vote" said Mr.. Hennessy.
Its no sin to be a c~andydate fr Pres
idint.'
NO" said Mr.. Dooley. "'Tis sometimes
a misfortune an sometimes a joke. But 1
hope We won't vote FIR him. He might be
ilicited If ye did. I'd like to raymimber
him an ii might be / cudden't il he got tn
job. Who was tn President befure Mack?
Oh, tubby surei"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15
THE EXPOSITION OLE 1000.

The Paris exposition, which was for
mally opened yesterday, seems to have at
tracted less attention in this country than
any of its predecessors. This is probably
que in part to the fact that more stirring
events have absorbed the public mind But
If popular attention has not been en-
crossed by the exposition, 1t is cause for
generalization that the United States is
far better represented in every department
of industry, art and scientific exhibition
than 1t has ever been. In fact, in the num-
Der n variety of it's. exhibits the
except France. In the past Great Britain
has been the rival of France in Paris ex-
positions, but several causes have tended
to give the exhibits of England less prom
inence than in the past. Among these are
the hostility which the people of Paris
have exhibited toward Great Britain since
the war in South Africa begun. The Brit
ish have resented this, and if the attend
ance shall fall below the estimates of those
who are carrying the enterprise forward
it will be due largely to the nonattendance
of the English. The nation which under
takes such an enterprise must not be un-
friendly to other nations.
Perhaps no better illustration has been
presented Of the growth of the United
States as an Industrial factor in the
worlds wide field than our exhibits in the
successive expositions in Europe. In the
Paris exposition. during the lays of the
empire. our exhibits beyond our natural
products were meager. In the exhibit of
1889 we made a better showing in all the
departments of Industrial art, but were
eclipsed by European nations. even by Ger
many. then the object of the bitter
hatred of the French people. During the
last decade we lave made such progress
that in the extent and variety of our ex-
bibits we stand next to France. This de-
velopment is due TO a discovery of the i'm
~portance of such exhibits to a people who
are seeking a place i'm the worlds markets
and also TO the discovery that in the trade
and n of the world the United
States is now an important factor. and a
yet more important n as the years pass.
Already the nations lave discovered our
growing Importance In the Industrial arts
that mark the progress of c~iyilization.
Some Of The nations have already a.
prensod a~ppsohonoion at long aud xnyfd
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

After dinner Mr.. Beecher told Mrs. Stowe
that her Uncle Toms Cabin had been
translated into Italian by a monk; that a
letter full of adulation had been received
from him, and he stated that IL he could
kiss the woman who wrote the book he
could die happy. Mr.. Beecher then added:
well L sent him a picture Of you, Mrs.
Stowe, and nothing has been heard of him
since"
One of the English decorating firms has
just given a most beautiful screen to be sold
for the war relief fund. 1t stands fully six
feet high and measure seven feet across
the three panels. 1t is made of American
cowhide leather, and upon IL Is painted the
hospital ship Maine on an ocean, draped
at either side with flags. The British colors
fall in graceful folds at one side, while at
the other hang the stars and stripes.
If we could know what others say
About the things we do;
If little birds could come each day
And tell us all, the glad and gay
Would take a dismal viewi
The man who smiles would smile no more,
The maid who laughs would sigh,
The mind that scars would cease to soar,
And Hope that now knocks at the door
Would always hurry by!
Thank God We may not always know
What others say or think,
For had He planned to have II so
The world would be a slough of Woe
Where all but hate would sink!
s. Z. Kiser, in Chicago Times-Herald.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

A movement recently started by the as
ISOLATED charities of Cincinnati is worthy
the attention of similar organizations else
where. 1t ~contemplates the organization Of
a prisoners relief committee to assist first
term prisoners on their discharge from the
workhouse, If found worthy Of assistance,
and perhaps rescue them from becoming
habitual criminals. Statistics showed that
of 3,1s4 prisoners sentenced to the work.
house during the year 1899, 46 per cent. were
sentenced for their first offense. while the
remaining 81 per cent. had been convicted
from two to forty-two times each. The
stigma of a first conviction is hard to get
rid of, and prisoners who are sentenced a
first time are very apt to become habitual
criminals unless something is dom for
them on their discharge. The subject de-
serves the attention of the p~hilanthropic
everywhere.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

Victor Hugo, and from him NJ. Rostand.
VINO SHOWS traces of the influence of the
master, unquestionably took the title of his
in which Hugo treats of the downfall OF
Napoleon, the Eagle and his EagIet being
placed together in these lines:
"Chacun scion ses dents Sc partagea la
L'Angleterre prit raigle, ct rAutriche
faiglon."
During MIR. Kipling's recent voyage to
the Cape one of the passengers, who is
well known I'm the musical world, set his
Anchor Song to music, and IT was sung
by all on board with great delight. LET
US hope" says Mr.. Alden in his London
letter, that in this instance Mr.. KipIing
has been more fortunate thar he was with
the setting which Sir Arthur Sullivan gave
TO The Absent-minded Beggar.' Anything
more commonplace and banal than the al
legged music which Sir Arthur Sullivan
dumped upon Kipling's verses can hardly
be imagined"
Margaret Gordon, whom Carlyle once
loved in vain, and who is supposed to have
been the original of Blumine i'm 'Sartor
Resartus," became the wife of Sir Alexan-
der Zimmerman. At Sir A~lexander's death
a box of MSS: left by him passed into
the keeping of the Aberdeen municipal
authorities. '"They were about TO open il
a little while ago." says the Pail Mall
Gazette, when a claimant came forward
IN the person of a grandson Of Margaret
Gordon, Lady Zimmerman. The condition
was then made that If no other and bet
ter claim were forthcoming the box should
pass to him on March 10. That date hav-
ing now gone by. we ought to know soon
whether or not a find OF Carlyle's letters
has been made. The opening OF two other
mysterious boxes was down for this year,
Francis Douce's box at the British Museum
ana a pox or diaries and letters left by
Byron's friend, H~obhouse. (afterward Lord
~Broughton).'
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15
Sarcastic Remarks.
Chicago Post.

President Harper's baccalaureate sermon
seems to have come i'm for a good deal OF
comment and some criticism because he
called the attention of the young men 10
the fact that professional life is crowded.
and instanced the hard time that awaits
him who affects the law, the ministry.
medicine or the teachers chair. We think
DR.. Harper is right in the main, but we are
SURPRISED that he neglected TO point out TO
his pupils the one avenue of escape from a
sordfd commercial life-that he failed 70 re-
assert the glorious principle that when a
man has fallen down in everything else or
can find no cheer for his laudable ambi-
tons he can quickly rise to eminence in
the newspaper fold. No matter how handi-
capped the young man may be financially
or intellectually he must understand that
literature, romantic, didatic or the mere
chr0nicling OF facts, Is open 10 the multi
and expositors. Sir Henry Irving said in
an after-dinner speech In this city that
every American is a natural born orator.
We think we should amend this by assert
ing that every American is by nature a
writer or thinks he is, which is much the
same thing. OF course every writing Amer
lean cannot dispose OF $4,000 copies of a
novel In a month, as Mary Johnston has
done. or write two stories with the right
and left hands at once, as Marion Craw-
ford frequently does, but he can write a
thrilling tale OF contemporaneous exist
ence or dash OF a volume OF poems or as
sumo an important position in the literary
department of a daily newspaper. This
fact is so well known tina doubtless DIT.
Harper did not think IL worth while 10
mention IL. So We merely supplement his
admirable sermon by reminding the young
gentlemen and ladies OF the senior class
at the University OF Chicago that ltera-
ture and its humble journalistic ofshoot
beckons 10 them and that the great State
of Indiana invites settlers and prose and
poesy competitors. Beranger's good Lord
Is still Whispering, Sing. little one, sing"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

strides the United States has made as .
world power in the worlds m In
the Pcsv exposition ~pr growing power
WIN be set forth and Witnessed by the rep
resentatives of all the nations. 1t Is to
our incalculable advantage that the United
States is on terms of good viii with all of
them while the memories of strifes and the
j~ealousies growing out of them put our
competitors at variance with each other.
Great Britain, Germany, Russia and
France concede what America asks in re-
gard to China because in Is they recognize
a growing power whose policy with other
governments is dictated by the spirit Of
good will. For this reason the Paris ex-
position is a great opportunity for the
United States. and worth to us many times
the money which Congress voted to assist
in the exhibit.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

The Doubleday & Mcclure Company have
in press a volume by President Mckinley
containing all of the speeches and addresses
made by him during his administration.
A captive Boer was delighted when taken
to see the engine room of a transport, and
exclaimed, Had there been no war 1
should never have seen such wonders"
He evidently considered that they more
than made up for his defeat and capture.
Mrs. Grant, the widow of the general,
has aged little during the last few years.
She leads a very busy life, and is at pres
ent collecting for publication a number Of
her husbands letters. Mrs. James CT.
Blaine is also collecting her husbands let
tiers for publication in a biography.
Mrs. Henry n. Couden is the only per-
son, outside of members of Congress, who
is allowed in the speakers lobby while the
House is in session. Her husband, the Rev.
Mr.. Couden. is chaplain of the House, and
is blind. He is brought to the House daily
by Mrs. CoCden and remains until she
comes for him.
When Isaac Van Alphen, postmaster gen.
eral of the Transvaal, was in his country
a few years ago he was approached by a
policeman, who announced that he was to
serve on a coroner's jury. Mr.. Van Alphen
Africa, whereupon the policeman said
"Well, then you're the whitest coon I ever
saw"
The way Of Life in dealing with the
two kinds of plays now before the public
in New York is very simple and direct. II
Just makes out two captions, "Clean" and
sUnclean," and under one head or the 9TH
er goes the name of every prominent the
atrical offering in town. With the theaters
practically all in the trust, this sort of
bulletin will have to be posted I'm every
city.
The Providence Journal attributes these
remarks to President Eliot. of Harvard:
at cannot acknowledge that / am growing
old. When I was proctor at Cambridge. a
few years after my graduation, 1 learned
that the students spoke of me habitually
as old Eliot A few nights ago. on the
other hand. / met a group of students In
the street, and when / had passed them I
heard one say to the others: Il wonder
where Charlie has been so late"
According to the Hartford Courant, tina
paper. in III. was owned and edited and
managed by a woman, whose name comes
down to modern days as 1.-The widow Wat
SON" She had exclusive charge" of the
journal. After a couple of years Mrs. Wat
son married a leading citizen of Hartford,
and after that date she no doubt let him
advise and assist In the conduct OF the pa
per. But she holds the record for the 6rs1
woman editor In the country
The late Rabbi Wise. Of Cincinnati, M
fond Of tenjns<a story about Z tzznp. n,ny
xsars ago, when H1nry Ward Uooe
Mn oteup an1 - took 1lnrm
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15
EOOfnOfea.

Concerning hats. the hens feathers are really
the only consistent graniture for Easter.
1t is a wise old hen that doesn't act color
blind when she sees her own eggs Easter morn
ing.
The man who looks at his wife's Easter hat
without uttering a word has really said all there
is to say.
When a small boy gets a lot of colored Easter
eggs to crack he decides that Sunday schools
isn't so bad.
Many women would have deeper Easter joy If
they could accidentally leave the price tags on
their new hats.
II Easter Sundays were not a year apart we
could better remember what the candy rabbit
has to do with it.
An admiring wife doesn't encourage her hus-
band to think that his new light Easter over
coat is too thin for the season.
As a rule. everybody is Joyous on Easter day
except those hard-worked and anxious beings
who are responsible for the Easter music.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

When Senator Vest, of Missouri. declared
in the Senate, II take off my hat meta
phorically to Booker Washington because
he is the only man who has solved the
problem for his race" he surprised his as
sociates. w cannot extirpate the ne
groes, We cannot expatriate Them he con-
tinued: 1--WE must make citizens of them as
they are and as they will continue to be;
we must assimilate them" These are
true and brave words. If the ignorance of
Europe can be assimilated. why cannot
the negro, native born, be raised to a bet
ter citizenship by the policy Of Mr.. Wash
ington? If Senator Vest believes that 1t
can be done all of us may believe 1t.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

The second OF the four figures of heroic
size which are to stand at the base Of the
soldiers was placed in position
yesterday. AS the first figure represented an
infantryman, this one represents a cavalry
man. He is supposed to have dismounted,
and, with the brim of his hat turned up
and his hand shading his eyes. he Is look
ing intently ahead, as If trying to make
out something in the distance. The figure
is the same height as the other. fourteen
feet, and, though In a different attitude. is
equally instinct with life and expressive
Of alertness. The merit of these figures
consists in their originality. their depar-
ture from conventional types. and their
realism. OF size. the largest
single stone figures in the world, they are
symmetrically proportioned and artistical-
ly executed. The two remaining figures
will represent an artilleryman and a sailor.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

II see" said Hennessy, that Dewey Is
a ~candydate fr Prisidint."
"well. SIR" said Mr.. Dooley. II hope to
hiven he won't get 1t. No rillitive Nv mine
liver held a pollytical job barrin' mesilf. L
was precinct captain an wal Nv tn best
they was in thin days. if / do say so thai
shudden't. / was called Cap FIR NANNY
years aftherward. an Td'v Joined tn Or
rand Army iv tn Raypublic If II hadn't
been FIR me poor feet. Nanny Nv me rin-
tives has been c~andydates, but they niver
cud win out again tn r-rest Nv tn ram ~.
IT'S so with Cousin George. I'm again him.
I've been a rayspictable saloon keeper fr
forty years in this ward, an III not have
tn name dragged into polytics.
IF coorse. / don't blame Cousin George
I'm with him FIR anything else in tn gift
iv tn people firm a lovin' cup TO a house
an lot. He don't mean anything be II.
Did We liver see a sailor thryin' TO ride a
horse? IT'S a comical sight. TIL reason a
sailor thries to ride a horse is because ne
niver ERODE wan before If he knew amy
thing about it he wouldn't do II. so De
Cousin George. Afther he'd been over here
awhile an got so twas safe FIR him to go
out without bein' torn to pieses fr oovni
or lynched be a mob, he took a look ar
round him IN says he TO a ponsman:
What's tn governmint iv this counthryY
Ills a ~raypublic,' says tn polisman.
What's the main guy called? says George.
He's called Prisidint.' says the polisman.
rs it a good job?' says Cousin George. IT'S
betther thin thravelin' beat says the buI-
yxyk-xs 49, 10 a. x,a..4 <hoffc hnIAsn' ~
now? says Cousin George. Mack says tn
cop. 'Irish?' says George. Cross says tn
elbow. Where fr'm?' says George. Ohio
says the peeler. Where's that? says
George. Il dinnaw,' says tn bull. An they
parted tn best iv frinds.
well says George to himself, L guess
I'll have to go up an have a look at this
la-ad's place he says an if it looks
good he says, 'p'raps 1 cud nail it, he
says. An he goes up an sees Mack die
tatin' his Porther Rickyan policy 10 a
kaleidoscope an it looks like a nice employ
mint FIR a spry man, an he goes back
home and sinds FIR a rayporther an says
he: L always believe since L got home
in dealin' frankly with tn press. / haven't
seen NANNY papers since I've been at sea-,
but whin l was a boy me father used TO
take the Montpelier Paleejum. Twas
r-run be a man be tn name of Horse
Clamback. He was quite a man whin
sober. we've heerd iv him no doubt. But
what 1 asst We up here FIR was to give We
a item that We can write up i'm ye'er own
way an hand to tn r-rest iv tn boys. I'm
goin' to be Prisidint. 1 like tn looks Nv
tn job an nobody seems to care FIR it. an
I've got so blame tired since / left tn ship
that if 1 don't have somethin' to do I'll
go crazy he says. L wisht ye'd make a
note iv 1t an give it to tn other papers,
he says. Ar-re we a Republican or a Dim
mycrat?' says the rapporter. What's
that?' says Cousin George. Dye be-
long to tn Republican or tn Dim
mycrat party?' What ARE they
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

Joplin CMoD News-Herald.
The following letter explains itself:
Manila. p. l.
Ito the Secretary OF the Navy:
"Sir-You will probably remember me as
the man who was remotely connected with
the sinking of the Merrimac. and who later
swung around the circle and was banished
to these islands for reasons satisfactory
TO your department. / nave the honor 20
report that / am older now and know
more. besides / have given up kissing al
most entirely now as a beverage and
would like to come home for the purpose
of running for Vice President Perhaps 1
ought not 20 say ft-bnf-but : am q Demo
crat Very respectfully.
~s E s q z 1870 y - - :
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

Those persons who denounced Prof. At
water. OF the Wesleyan University Of Con-
necticut, because he said that alcohol has
should have waited until he had completed
his Investigations. the result of which is
that alcohol is fuel. but does not serve the
body for the building and repair OF tissues
80 far from regarding the results of SCI
moderate use OF alcoholic liquors Is gener-
ally recommended" he says. 81 believe
that the more advisable course is habituaJ
abstinence. especially by young people"
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

The Railway Review is OF opinion that
the tendency OF the public mind is toward
and state legislation. consequently it favors
the acceptance OF the Cullom bill now be-
fore the Senate. which places the regula-
ton or rates in the hands OF the Interstate
Commission. East of the Mississippi river
has largely removed the evil Of rate dis
elimination which the Cullom bill would
destroy. but beyond the Mississippi a state
OF anarchy I'm rates prevails which requires
interference.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15


the Confederate were leaving the town
and 1t remained in her window until Burn
side came into the city. Another citizen
stated that his wife was with Barbara
Fritchie at the time and that he now has
the flag Senator Mccomas testified that
he had seen the flag and was familiar with
the circumstances. After hearing the
statements OF other citizens of Frederick,
the committee was convinced that the
poem is historically accurate. Senator De-
pew said it was worth 5000 to ave the
question definitely settled. 1t is certainly
worth a great deal more to have IL de-
termined that there was such a brave
woman in Frederick on that notable Sep
day.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-04-15

A South American banker now visiting in
Washington thinks it will not be long till
the United States will nave the lions share
of trade with South America. He bases the
opinion on the fact hat this country hav-
ing reached al era of overproduction is
now hooking for new markets. and will
surely find them. Nov that you need our
trade" says this gentleman. you will go
after 1t with your usual energy. and doubt
less viii get it. as you usually get what you
no after"