Evening star., 1900-09-29
Mr.. JOBSON'S GAS BILL

rather benign humor the other afternoon.
During the progress of dinner he told Mrs.
Jobson that while he was out for his lunch
at noon he had seen a woman wearing a
tailor-made spit of exactly the sort he
wanted Mrs. Jobson to get, and he said that
he'd write q check and let her go down
town and order the suit Oh the morrow. He
also told Mrs. Jobsoh that. if she intended
to have her sealskin made over. she'd bet
ter be having the job done before the fur
riers got into their rush season. and when
Mrs. Jobson remarked that she could have
the work done beautifully for $50, he told
her that he'd write her a check for that
amount, too, as soon as he finished his
dinner. AS he got up from the dinner table
he noticed the months gas bill lying on
the dining room mantelpiece. He picked 1t
up and stared a 1T, cloud gradually gath
erfng on his brow.
Seven dollars and forty cents again this
month"; he exclaimed, gazing at Mrs. Job
son suspiciously, and all of his amiability
departed. Look a-here. Mrs. Jobson. will
you be good enough to explain to me the
meaning Of this?''
why" replied Mrs. Jobson. there's
nothing to explain, except that the bill
ought to be, although, you know. lot OF
the cooking this month has been done on
the gas range, and
g Trifie higher than it ought to be-
SoohiHS On the gas range. SnOTleu
Jobson. What kind Of an explanation is
that? You haven't been cooking for cou-
pie o hundred hired men, have you? You
haven't been getting the meals for four or
hve regiments of cavalry on the gas range
during the past month, have you? Or do
you light all the gas range burners before
you go to bed at night and let EN- burn all
night, just for the sake of trying to find
out how much gas you can consume inside
of month? Do you light all the Jets in
the house during my absence and let 'em
blaze away full tilt just for the purpose
Of"
don't do anything of the SORT" interrupted
Mrs. Jobson, good-naturediy. "There may
be something the matter with the meter.
Why don't you drop by the gas office on
your way down town tomorrow morning
and ask to have one of the gas inspectors
sent up to look at the meter? think I have
detected slight smell Of gas coming from
the meter for some time past. You pay the
gas inspector fee of 30 cents, you know,
to have him look at the meter and If he
finds that the meter is defective he refunds
You the 30 cents. calculates how much you
have overpaid on your bill owing to the de-
fective meter, and the gas company refunds
You the amount. If the inspector finds that
the meter is all right he keeps the 30 cents.
l think 1t would pay you to have our meter
examined"
Mr.. Jobson scrutnized Mrs. Jobson while
she was making this speech as if she were
some newly discovered species Of armadillo.
do you mean to tell me- he said. when
she had finished. that you actually take
any stock in that beautiful dream? Dye
positively believe, way down deep in you,
at your time O. life. that any gas company
that was ever organized to pay dividends
ever yet refunded any real sure-enough
money to it's compulsory customers? Is 1t
possible that you swallow that aged fairy
tale about government gas inspectors cal
culating customers losses due to defective
meters, and gas companies going down into
We'll" ventured Mrs. Jobson. 81 know
that Mrs. Kaystreet had the meter in their
house examined last month, and she got
back"
She got two three hundred shares of
preferred stock IN the gas company 1
s,pose you're going to tell me-" interrupted
Mr.. Jobson. If you believe all of the fan
tastes that Mrs. Kaystreet tells you you'll
find yourself-but seven dollars and forty
cents worth of gas for an eight-room house
that's what gets me around the neck
band! looking at the bill again, and getting
madder over it the longer he looked at it.
Il don't intend to stand for it, that's all;
I'll just quit using gas, that's what I'll do!
L IL go down to the gas office the first thing
in the morning and tell 'em to turn off the
gas at this plant. m willing to submit to
any reasonable extortion, but 1 don't pro-
pose to submit to daylight sandbagging like
this. / won't
But" put in Mrs. Jobson, we've got to
have light, you know, and the gas range is
so handy for cooking, and
That's all right about what we've got to
have Mrs. Jobson," fumed Mr. Jobson.
Julius Caesar and Charlemagne and Jack
Cade and few other people that I've heard
tell about got along all right without gas,
and l guess We can get along without it, If
we try hard enough. We're going to get
along without 1t, anyhow. You can just go
out tomorrow and buy a stack Of oil lamps
and few gallons of coal oil, and you can
do your cooking on the coal range, if it
takes every dollar that I can scrape to-
ThE n1ttaer ..f
the thieying gas company'1l be up here
about 10 o'clock to shut off our supply of
gas, and you'll just have to make up your
mind to gasless existence as long as
you're Mrs. Jobson, and that's all there is
about that"
Mrs. Jobson didn't say anything In reply,
but she reflected a good deal over the de-
cided superiority of gas over oil for lighting
purposes from the point Of view of con-
venience. and she sighed over the prospect
Of abandoning the handy gas range for the
smoky, sulky coal range.
Mr.. Jobson snorted intermittently about
that $40 gas bill until he went to bed, and
on the following morning he began to growl
about it as soon as he opened his ewes He
bolted his breakfast in order to get down to
the gas Office in hurry He charged up to
the complaint desk in the 10th street office
like an infurtated OK, and proceeded to
lambast the suave young man behind the
complaint desk with all of the powers of
invective in his possession. Then he
slammed the amount of his gas bill onto
the counter, WHnQFeW MS SlU deposit to the
accompaniment of fierce denunciations Of
all hands within sound Of his voice and
loped out of the office like a man on his
way to fire. followed by such remarks
from the gas office employees Good boyr'
Hot Stuff Preach the word. Get EN-
oyer!" Line 'em out!' and so on.
Mr.. Jobson was still in a caioric state
over his experience at the gas office when
he got home that evening.
Did those gas thieves send up one of
their loafers to turn off our gas today?"
he asked Mrs. Jobson before he had hung
up his hat
No replied Mrs. Jobson, calmly 81
went"
They didn't. hey?" growled Mr.. Jobson
We'll, If they think they're going to chisel
me out of any more good American dollars
by letting their darned old gas linger
around this establishment they're fooled
that's all. and. by the way. did you order
the coal for the range and buy those lamps
that Il
No replied Mrs. Jobson, compIaisantly,
Il didn't order the coal for the range and
didn't buy the oil lamps. / went down to
the gas Office after you left this morning to
complain about the meter and was referred
to one Of the gas inspectors The gas in
spector happened not to be busy this morn
ing and so he came right up at noon and
examined our meter. He found that it was
leaking badly, and looked over our gas bills
for the past six months or SO. He calcu-
Ia L