Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-06-28
"sALARY TO BE PAID WEEKLY OR MONTHLY. I"


a mere song. The d. s. has jumped
into popularity in a day; has all the
juiciness of fresh pork, the nutritive
qualities Of beef, and the taste reminds
you OF venison; can be made OF seven
kinds of meat If you happen to have
them on hand, or you can get along
with only one. It's the way they are
fried that makes 'em dietary and has
set the Commands crazy; sure TO
drive every other sausage out of the
market in four weeks more-sure to
do 1t; can be furnished as rations to
every army and navy in the world;
can be sold in every hotel, boarding
house and family wherever humanity
exists; good for breakfast, dinner or
supper; can't run no camp meeting,
picnic or Sunday school excursion with
out 'em. My dear fellow man, your
fortune Is nader
"If you would select the style Of
binding began the man.
"But we've got to go little slow for
a few weeks" interrupted the major.
There is disposition on the part Of
the worlds aristocracy to class sau-
sage way down on the list Of meats;
can't expect that lords and dukes and
presidents will order a second plate Of
them until they realize that 1t won't
affect their social positions; got to
look out for social prestige, you know.
Once get the whirlwind Of popularity
started, and the public won't stop to
ask whether our dietaries are made
of fish, flesh or COCO mating. First
thing is to warrant them to cure indi-
gestion, torpid liver and all that. They
are a spring and fall tonic. All sing
ers, actresses and athletes use them;
testimonials from professors. actors,
clergymen and thousands Of others,
and all family doctors recommend
them above everything else. And there
you are, my boy; there you are, and
let me shake hands with you again"
But the book. major. The price in
calf Isl
"And you are to be our purchasing
agent and buy our raw material Diet
airy sausages will be made In several
different lengths and sizes, and we
shall use beef, pork, mutton, fish and
what not; everything to be bought
alive and killed in our own slaughter
| houses and hashed up with our own
knives. You attend to the buying and
I attend to the frying. Millions of
dollars will pass through your hands
every year, but we shall trust to your
honesty; salary $4,000 per year at
least, and you come In on the ground
floor for stock. just lack $40 to meet
the expenses Of organization, and I'll
borrow 1t of you for day or two.
We shall capitalize at 100000, but
probably increase to $l5,000,O00 inside
OF year. And what is the name,
please"
my name IS Taylor" slowly replied
the canvasser, "but | have no SO to
put into your scheme. Pm selling the
Life of Napoleon II Is printed from
new, large type, illustrated by
Eyes, we will call 1t the Great Amer
lean Dietary Sausage company" inter
rupted the major, land as purchasing
agent Wen deposit 100000 to your
credit TO start on; salary to be paid
weekly or monthly, just as you elect,
and the dividends on the stock to come
quarterly. | need $40 to see my way
clear, but II you can't spare that sum
give me S.. And there you are, sir;
there you are"
"But I haven't got S."
Don't neglect this golden opportuni-
ty, my dear contemporary; don't do 1t.
The man who invented the Welsh rab-
tit made $1,000 900 and liyes e be 90