Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1900-01-04

|
Angular Customer who Insisted on
Having n Practical Demonstration
| of the Gunrnntor's Reliability.
| The angular six footcr picked his way
lcisurcly along the obstructed sidewalk
on the south side of South Water street,
stopping in front of n commission store,
where a case containing n dozen or more
pint boxes of persimmons was exposed
for sale.
| Addressing the man who stood leaning
against the iron door frame, he said:
Are these ripeY
"Surc," answered the man.
"What is the lot worth?'
"Sell you the case for ST."
| The other reelected a moment.
at has been long time since / gam
cred pcrsnmons along the Mississippi
river" he said. "but, if | remember right
ly, they looked a little softer and little
browner when they were ripe than these
do. Can't be any mistake about these
being ripe, supposcT'
mo, sir. They're all right"
"As general thing they don't ripen
till after frost, do theyT'
NO"
"These came from somewhere south of
here, presnmeT
eyes"
"They may have had more frost there
than we have had here. When they re
green, they have kind of alumy,
creepy, never get-over-it taste, haven't
they?'
Yes. they are pretty bad when they're
green"
do you like them when they are
ripe?'
Better than any fruit that grows.
could eat half dozen boxes Of en-
And these. you say, are quite ripe?"
That's right"
"Wcll, I'll take the case
All right. Take them with you or
have en- sent
ION condition. | was about TO say,
that you eat q box of them right now"
You be darncd!'
you said you liked them. didn't you Z
You said you could eat half a dozen
boxes All ask you to do is to eat one
box Of them at my expense. no, I'll
make it half box. My friend, would
you let half box of luscious ripe per-
simmons-you say they are ripe, don't
you--stand between you and sale?
II buy them, | can do as | please with
them, cant |? can feed them to the
hogs or | can feed them to Il commission
merchant if | want to. can't |? Here S
your dollar Tackle those pcrsimmons,
will you?'
"I'n make it $50. I've collected a
bad debt this morning. and I'm in COM
paratively easy circumstances"
You CO.
1.-TWO dollars"
You
Two dollars and you keep the persim.
mons. | don't like them much anyhow
Only half a box, my dear friend. and
you keep those ripe beautiful persim-
mons and sell them TO somebody else
Does it go?'
Look here, you hing DANCED old
you won't do it, won't you? | hardly
expected you would. Did you ever hear
of what is known in polemics as the So
cratic method OF demoliShing an adver-
sary? Well, | have been trying it on
you, with variations and adaptations
suited to South Water street. 1t is an
argumentative pole that will knock a
whole case Of persimmons"-
I've run across all kinds of dun fools
in my time" interrupted the man in the
doorway wrathfully, but you're new
variety Were you born so or did you
turn that way after you grew up"
when an animal gets caught in a stec
trap, my friend. it won't get out of it hy
standing upon its hind legs and swenrins
at the trap. You still refuse to sell me-
that case OF persimmons for 81 on cond
ton that you eat half a box of them, dc
youi Very well. You refuse to take 50
eat the half box of persimmons and keel
the case yourself, do you? All right
Then, sir. you acknowledge that wher
you told me these things were ripe YOU
might have made mistake? You
wouldn't lie TO sell n dollars worth OF
half ripe fruit. would you|"
81 didn't ask you to buy those persim
mons, did ~
Whats this barrel OF apples WORTH"
ITS worth 81, but don't want to sci
it to you"
IN give you IS for it if the center OF
it isn't full Of little, consumptve. worth
less apples that no intelligent, discrim
mating hog would"-
II told you | didn't want to sell vol
anything, sir. Suppose you kind Of wall
along You're in everybody's way"
Were you born a South Water stree
commission merchant may | ask, or die
you turn that way after you had grown
up? You hardly look like man who
would deliberately sell LOT of California
peaches for choice Delaware fruit. Yol
wouldn't try to work off on me peel
of year before last pecans for this year,
crop, would you? Some men might do it
but you wouldn't. Bless your heart, no
And maybe you won't guarantee the ripe
ness of a case OF persimmons when som'
other dun fool comes along and open
negotiations for buying them"
With which remark the angular 81,
footer Unexpectedly tucked the case o
persmmons under his arm, tossed sill
yer dollar at the man in the doorway ant
resumed the task of picking his way
through the barrels, boxes, crates ant
human beings that INSTRUCTED the side
walk. leaving a man standing in an iror
framed doorway and looking tarantula
and centipeds at him as he moved along
Chicago Tribune.
Discouraged.
81 don't hear you saying Down with
thc trusts" any more