The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-04-08
Fun of the World.

entered
do you sell mike said he.
Yes" said the shopman.
! Then, give me yard" said Pat
"Au right said the shopman. And
dipping his finger in milk can at his
side he drew it a yard in length on the
counter. Looking up triumphantly az
Pat, he asked:
do you want anything else sir?'
NO" said Pat; but jist rowl 1t up
| in bit O. paper and III take il home Wild
| me-
z e
Bucharest officials are conscientious.
After a revision of the registration lists
in that city the following notice was sent
! out: Major A. Fanutza; II is hereby
brought 10 your notice that your name
| is struck on the list of electors for Depu-
| ties and Senators in the First district
| and will not again be inserted in it. The
reason for this is the fact that your death
occurred some time ago"
< < (
few days ago Representative Adam
son of Georgia told the following: Down
| in my district quarterly meeting was go
| ing on in one of the churches and during
love feast a rich farmer, noted for
! his penuriOusness, was called upon 10
give his experience. He did so. thanking
! Providence that he lived in q land OF
| religious and civil freedom, land OF free
| speech. free schools, free churches and
| free salvation; winding up with, 1 have
| belonged to the church for seventeen
years, and thank God It has never cost
me but a quarter of q dollar The old
cuss got a shot from the shoulder when
the preacher shouted out, And may the
Lord have mercy on your stingy soul
which met with hearty Amen from
the entire congregation. That old duck
never darkened a church door after
that"
z < q x
In Tennessee, there was once an tttn-
Grant preacher who possessed eonsidera-
BILE natural eloquence with the idea that
he was an extraordinary Biblical scholar
Under this delusion," says Congressman
Brownlow, ''he would very frequently at
the close of his sermon ask any member
of the congregation who might have a
knotty text to unravel to announce II,
and he would explain 1t at once. On one
occasion, in a large audience, he was par
ticularly pressing for some one to pro-
pound a text. a chap by the door an
nounced that there was Bible matter
Of great concern, which he desired 10
be enlightened upon. The preacher ex-
pressed his willingness to be enlightened.
and the congregation was all excited.
What I want to know said the out
sider is, whether Jobs turkey was
hen or a gobler? The expounder looked
confused, and the congregation Uttered,
as the questioner capped the climax by
exclaiming, foutched him on the first
question:
q Z q z
The late Prince Bismarck was not given
to the telling of stories, but once, at 4
banquet in Berlin, he told one Of General
"a " IN nj q I
Bile. DO you remember, General he
said, turning to the great strategist, ''the
last time you accepted a cigar from
me?" Moltke could not recall the occa-
sion. ''Well," rejoined Bismarck, Il my
self shall never forget the circumstances.
1t vas on the day of Koniggratz during
the anxious time when the battle stood
still and we could neither go backward
nor forward-when one aide-de-camp af-
ter another galloped off without ever re-
turning, and we could get no news of the
Crown Princes coming. 1 was fright
fully uneasy. and my eyes wandered
around in search of you. l saw you
standing not far off. You were gazing on
the course of the battle with a look Of
the most serene indifference, and the
stump Of a cigar in your mouth. Well
said I to myself, If Moltke can 90 on
smoking as calmly as that it can't be
up, / offered you my case, which con-
tanned two cigars, a good one and a bad
one. With an unerring glance of true
commander you selected the good one.
l smoked the other myself after the bat
tie, and I never enjoyed a smoke better
in my life"
x x gg
During a recent session Of the senate
Mr.. Pett!grew, who is a tireless talker,
insisted on using the phrase ad infln-
itum' with great frequency, pronouncing
the longer word with the accent on the
second syllable. Finally one OF his asso-
ciates corrected him, saying: GIVE it the
long t. Senator" Senator Hoar over
heard this and remarked: The Senator
is probably making the II short to save
the time of the senate"
q z x z
Somebody recently showed ex-Speaker
Reed copy Of Manila paper in which
appeared this paragraph: The differ
ence between Tom Reed and Billy Mason
is that when Tom Reed says he viii re-
sign he resigns" ''Ah," said Mr.. Reed
refectively, "a great journalist is evil
IDENTIFY wasting his talents on the Fill
pinos.'
< x g8
It 10 stated on good authority that on
taking charge Of Plymouth church Henry
Ward Beecher said to his sexton: IF
you see anybody asleep In the congrega-
ton, go straight to the pulpit and wake
up the minister"
"a &c
A story is going the rounds in railroad
circles, being the result Of an order is
sued by the Rock Island railway not
long since. requiring all its section fore
men TO report 10 an oculist on a certain
day and have their eyes examined one
afternoon, after all present had under
gone the examination and the eye doc
tor was about 70 close up for the even
ing. messenger boy rushed IN with
small package neatly tied up in tissue pa
The following, and evidently hurriedly
scrubbed note, was attached: "Oye In
spector: Dear Sur: The day booT yis-
terday. at hume. I got word 20 cune down
and have me fse looked into for cu,ur
blindness. as sc cal IL ! had forty
FIVE ties and ten rales TO put down be-
yont the san cut. an az Jerry Sullivan
an Domlnick Cooily have ON indisb-
poshed since the wake that was hoided
over the ded corpus of Danny doherty,
ne hands wur tue short 70 sDare ne.
Twas lucky that the rite oye that WIZ
first ii ne he'd were knocked out MD a
pix. an me glass oys that was not pat
cut. IS sint % you fer aexauinati0n. I
c,id spare the glass eve better than ere
oye IN me he'd. an n she Is euler bird.
I'll cit one what amt Yures truly.
Nike Donohue."
Z
Lieutenant Hsikie5ohn. of tie Gordon I
H3Ehlanders, had a very BOT time ~
Elanslaagte. lie received three bullets
through his upgeT right arm. one
through the LEFT thlgh. tao through his 4
helrnef a .snlck.- n re reg rre ~