Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1900-07-15
LUCK OF AN Ex-TANK.

Colorado Man Was His Sole Capt.
tal-It eeured Him Breakfast with
"cnrdfnaI" Bemis md $1,7O0 From
a Partridge Wheat Deal.
Zone iukewarm summer morning
about ten years age, without the re-
bate, | got into Chicago from Cincin-
natl on the Big Four. all out and wab-
bling on the wire,s remarked Elk Tank
No. IL of the Club of Former Alcoholic
Degenerates. Il had only batted EN- a
little in Cincinnati. and Cincinnati
hadn't turned the left cheek to me af-
ter l landed a short. easy one on her
there and no chance TO pull up and go
right. In fact, when | got pocketed
around the field, Cincinnati tried to
give me the Farthest North gaze, and
didn't feel like standing for that-
net from any class Y, MINOR league
Anwn like Cincinnati, anyhow, | didn't.
SO / hunted for the first sack, which
was Chicago. The sprint was my dis
lance, anyhow, for when | shook myself
up after getting into Chicago the sub
dued Standardization in my change
pocket only announced me So cents to
the right, and the coffee and rolls still
unbought.
"a combination of grewsome cir
cumstances had rendered it necessary
for me to leave my trunk and portman-
teau behind in Cincinnati. When
stepped off the train in Chicago, how
ever, | had more or less of a ready
money look, wherefore / surveyed my
self with some grinness. Fifty-eight
cents, hey? and a light Scotch tweed
suit on that'd cost me $40, a maroon
fancy Waistcoat, a made-to-order straw
bonnet, and a pair of t%oothpick patent
leather skates that had macerated a
tifteen-dollar note to pulp-and SO
cents to make good for all that make
up! Ha! Ha! said l to myself, in a
real sepulchral way, thinking about
the idiocy of it all, and then l lavished
10 C6HIS OH d iohy sOui, uhOIiOl IL
on a shave and a brush-off, and saun-
tered over to the Auditorium Hotel to
sit down for a while and begin argues
sing. l pulled a leather chair up be-
fore one of the big rotunda windows,
swished at my toothpick kicks with
my cane-which l brought from Gin
cinnati from force of maitland look
ed out over the pelluoid waters of Lake
Michigan-that is, when an Illinois
Central train wasn't breaking the
focus. l was sore laden, and that's no
ancient mariners p~hantasy. l felt like
sixteen splits to the box and all bets
coppered.
Lucky Error BY a Reporter.
"'This,' said l to myself, is where l
am turned the wrong way of the post,
and no show to overtake the bunch.
This is where the flags caught M fiat
footed. l have arrived at the point
where I'm going to be set down and
have a permanent mount on the
ground for incompetency. This is the
real, dyed-in-the-wool, blown-in-the
BOTTLE
".Well, Senator, when did you make
port?' some one said at my left elbow.
The young "a had an easy manner
and he had already drawn up a chair.
He was a nice, clean-looking young
fellow.
".Just an hour or so ago. said 1.
You've a shrewd eye, son, for recog-
MIXING people,
"'Oh, l don't know, Senator said
he. L think we had the best cut OF
you this morning. What do you think
of it?'
HE spread out the morning paper
that he had in his hand, so as to show
up the first page, and he pointed to a
large column cut of United States Sen
ator Wolcott of Colorado. The cut
was planted in the middle of a column
dispatch from New York, telling how
Senator Ed. Woleott had soaked one of
the Long Branch faro banks to the
tune of $25, 900 a few nights before,
and how on the next night he had
sloughed that back to the bank and
$4,000 more The dispatch wound up
by stating that Senator Wolcott was
on his way back to Denver by way of
Chicago.
"'Yes, that's a pretty fair cut said
I, handing the paper back to the nice,
clean-looking young man
They've all got pretty good cuts of
you this morning, at that, said the
young man. Now. Senator, would
you mind telling us all about it? You
surely must have raped 'em pretty
hard that first night you fumbled with
the tiger, Ell? l know it's a matter a
gentleman of your position wouldn't
naturally care to discuss very amply,
but Colorado's pretty far on the other
side of the big river. and a Senator
from out that way, where manner and