The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1900-12-01

Mrs. Jinks-You have a letter?
Mrs. I4ink-Yes. from Mrs Thomp-
son. who was coming to spend a week
with me.
Mrs Jinls-Any good news?
able to come-Detroit Free Press
Bobbs-Too bad about hobbs. Lost
all his furniture because of a false
alarm of fire at his house.
Dobbs-But If there was no fire how
could his furniture be destroyed?
Bobbs-Well, you see. hobbs lives In
a suburban town where they have a
volunteer fire Observation-Disclosures
American.
Hints to Young Men.-At a formal
evening affair it is not deemed polite to
ask lady with whom you have danced
but once if she wears store teeth.
Avoid provincialisrns~
Say shop teeth rather than store teeth
if you would be thought well-bred.-
Detroit Journal.
There is a grim moral in the following
note:
at 10 cents, got the money an went to
the circus. Kin you lend me 81 till next
fall?''-Atlanta Constitution.
Il would be your devoted servant for
'sThat sounds so old-fashioned!"
laughed she.
claimed the youth.-Detroit Journal.
know anything about golf?"
mot much. Why?"
It suppose it's one Of those cranks
that simply live and sleep on the links"
Philadelphia Press.
What are we coming to? If this sort
of thing keeps on every social barrier
will be swept away"
What's the matter noW?'
s'Why, somebody's maid here in the
police court actually got up and insist
ed that she is a kleptomaniac! "-CleYe-
land Plain Dealer
HeI have been late to work every
morning since my employer raised my
salary.
to hire a cook you can never get your
breakfast on time.-Judge.
you despise me, 1fArmaduke?'. fall
tered the wretched girl, in a hard, de-
spairing voice.
The youth shook his head.
eThen why she cried, passiOnately,
do you look at me as if you were
hotel clerk, and were a guest register
ing?''
In an access of agony. she cast herself.
sobbing convulsively, at his feet-De-
troit Journal.
Uncle Sam seems to show more back
wardness about borrowing gold from
other nations than he used to-"
Z shouldn't say it was case of more
backWardneSs,' but more reserve. =
Philadelphia Press.
she-How many pictures have you
painted since you first began?
He-Oh, 1 haven't any idea
She=Some day I am coming around to
your studio and count them-Detrodt
Free Press.
I'D fix that Hall of Fame all right"
What would be your basis of choice?'
ssWhy I think no mans name ought to
go in there until everybody is dead that
knew him. indianapolis Journal.
The Chairman-Is he sound on the is
sues?
The Delegate (vvho has heard the can
didate spea6)-WeIl, perhaps noisy is the
better word.-Philadelphi North Amer
lean.
sne-And did you light the fire with
kerosene. too?
He-No. I smoked while was putting
gasoline in the automobile.-Chicago
News.
Mrs. Church-Your name is not spelled
right this list.
Mrs. Gotham-what's the matter with
it?
why. Lille is spelled with only one
I"
ooh, well, my husband wrote that; it's
nothing new for him to forget one of my
letters. -Yonkers Statesman.
Future Duke-what are you goin' to
do this mOrnin', eh2
Future Earl-Oh, I dunno. Rot about,
I S'poSe, as usual.
Future Duke-Oh, but say, that's so
rotten.
Future EarI-WelI, what else is there
to do, you rotter?-London Punch.
The Eternal Feminine-.'It is YOU wo-
men who make all the trouble in life
Yes, and who make life worth the
trouble. Life.
A Reaction.-"My husband always
eats extravagant lunches down town"
How do you know?'' THE minute he
gets home in the evening he begins
trying to diet the family. Chicago
Record.
Brown (slapping total stranger on
back)-"Hullo, old man, haven't seen
me?'' Stranger don't remember
face, but your manners very familiar"
Punch.
Cheap Religion.-Mrs. Jones-''The
true disciples of Confucius go to church
twice everv day" Mrs. Smith-''Well,
they can afford to- They have coins in
China worth only one-tenth of a cent?
Puck.
The Double Negative.-Tess@ Tiles
the most persistent man. When he pro
posed / said. tNO-a thousand times
nor" Jess-s'I should think that would
be enough to settle him" Tess-'sBut it
wouldn't He said that meant 500 affirm
atives. ''-Philadelphia Press.
Splitting the Difference.-Book Re
viewer-'I don't know just what to say
about this new fiction writer Mag
azine Editor-'sWell, goodness, don't
come to me for helpl Say he reminds
you a little of Gertrude Atherton and
a little of George Eliot. "-Indianapol
Journal