The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1900-08-22
Republican Lilliputians
( and CULVER Reed.
FUNNY SIDE OF POLITICS.
Perry S. Heath Would ostraeize
the Man From Llaine.
YR1BUTE TO SPLENDID GENIUS


Thomas II. Reed Loves His Country
Better Thnn His Party-Pcanut Pol
7tics In Regard to Dir. Bryaa-Ted-
!; Is Boomerang Candidate.
Judge Jackson's Pointed Remarks
! Anent the Pension Office.
Especial Washington Letter.
What pity that Jonathan Swift, the
mighty dean Of ST. Patrick's. cannot
return to Garth. Certainly the funniest
thing and the most preposterous that
has happened on earth since the Lii
Aputians undertook to conquer Gull
liver Is the determination Of Perry S.
Heath ct id omne genus to ostracize
Thomas Bracket Reed in the present
campaign. The unutterable scorn with
which that intellectual Titan must re-
gard bis pygmy prosecutors needs the
furious genius and merciiess pen OF
Swift to describe it. 'Twouid be worth
tea years Of peaceful life to see big
Tom roll in to Republican headquar-
tiers while Perry and his petty political
pirates are in council as to how they
will bobb!e the man from Maine.
Blessed stars. how they would take
to cover, get out. ramoose, skedaddle,
abSquatulav!
The Lilliputians drew up certain
regulations for the conduct of Gulliver,
whom they called The Man Noun
tain" which regulations l commend to
Perry ct al. IN their endeavor to tie
up Mr.. Reed. Here they are:
.:First.-The Man Mountain shall not
depart from our dominions without our
license under Our great seal.
'.Second.-Ee shall not presume to
come into our metropolis without Our
express orders. a: which TIE i;,::;ih!:::-
ants shall have two hours w;i::.l..;;.es -
keep within doors.
saThird.-Thc said Man Mountain
shall conflne his walks to our principal
highroads ard not offer to walk or lie
down in meadow or field of corn.
'sFourth.-As he walks the said roads
he shall take the utmost care not to
trample upon the bodies of any of our
loving subjects. their horses Or car
riages and not to ts:le any Of our sub
jects into his hands without their own
consent"
Most Brilliant American.
Surely the ferociocs Swift when Ne
wrote "GuNiyer's Travels" mus, have
had il his minds eye the events now
uanspiring about Republican head
quarters. Unquestionably Reed is The
Man Mountain. and 1t would be awful
If be should walk OR lie Gown in the
Republican meadows or fields of corn.
and in the language Of rule for the
protection of the Lillipatians our Re
publican Man Mountain should take
the utmost care not TO trample upon
the bodies Of any of Perry's chums,
especially those OF Mark Hanna. Will
liam Mckinley and Teddy Roosevelt.
Thomas Bracket Reed is easily the
most brilliant man il AD.erica. lie is
the greatest living Republican. His
most patriotic act was in rcsigning his
seat in congress. and With it the speak
crship. because be could not indorse
the un-American policy Of the Nc
Hannaite administration. 70 his eter-
nal credit be it said that be possessed
independence enough Of soul to volun-
To, off
ond IN power and Importance only to
the presidency-chcerfully gave up its
emolumentS-and retired TO private life
because be loved his country better
than his party. No higher tribute could
be paid to his splendid genius than
that he should be feared and therefore
hated by the pitiful dwarfs who are
now running the Republican machine.
They haven't brains enough to conpre-
hend The Man Mountain, they haven't
generosity enough to admire him, they
haven't strength enough to tie him,
and they haven't money enough to buy
him.
Peanut Politics.
All decent men will agree that it is
peanut politics. to soy nothing worse
Of it, to drag Bryan's domestic affairs
into the campaign and parade the fact
to the world that Mrs. Bryan no" en-
ploys a servant girl to help do the
work. whereas She formerly did it all
herself hurlb!y submit that Mrs.
Bryan is clearly entitled to have d
servant girl il she wants one and is
able to pay her. and the Republican
papers arc doing themselves no credit
by trying to use that fact to the preju-
dice OF her illustrious husband. No
purer homo life has illustrated Ameri-
can civilization than that Of the Bry-
ans. They have not fouted their DO
mestic felicity in the faces Of the peo-
.ple. but have been content to live
quietly and modcstly-a thing greatly
to their credit.
It had to CONC 1t was inevitable.
Webster Davis he's been accused Of
plagiarism. That appears to be fa-