People's voice., 1900-07-26
THE BEST ROAST OF ALL.
Joe Waters Takes Eugene Ware to Task
for His Calamity Pamphlet.

for His Calamity Pamphlet.
In introducing Mr.. Towne at the free
silver Republican meeting at Topeka
July and Mr.. Waters said:
THAT very recent publication Of a
distinguished gentleman about Kansas
required notice at the very first oppor-
tunity and propose to say it now, as
much for the amusement of the speaker
as for the edifcation of the audience.
We have in this state gentleman,
statesman and lawyer, the only poet,
the only man who wields an iron quill,
the philosopher Of Paint Creek; and who
III the thirty-fve years he has lived in
Kansas, has gathered fame, honor and |
riches. In that time Kansas soil in all !
probability had in his household, been
blessed with birth and made sacred by
death. With his gray hairs, he has at
tempted to line his own nest. The very
land that has sheltered him and his
brood he seeks to malign. He has pub
lished pamphlet nineteen pages in ex-
tent in which he has sought to prove
that this state has lost 6oo, 900 of people |
and SI7S,oOo, 900 Of valuation by the sue
cess Of the Pops in the last ten years and
by the downfall Of ingalls,. He AYERS
in it that a Republican majority Of 4o,-
600 would be better than raising these
Stupendous crops Of corn and wheat and
says if the Pops are again successful this
year, he is going back to Connecticut
where he was born. He made this rash
promise once before when Lewelllng
ran; and sold out his home and started !
for Omaha and friends on his ar
rival there, importuned him to forego |
his i'll considered threat. If he had |
lived in Connecticut thirty-fve years, as
he has here, he would be nothing but a
plug of a harness maker and had he at
tempted to sling verses at them as he
has at us, they would have killed him as
they did his ancestors four hundred |
years ago for being witches"
Mr.. Waters then dropped into verse as
follows:
A gentleman l will not name,
Is going back from whence he came;
He says if Pops again shall win,
That hell would presently begin;
And if they win this year he swears,
He'll load his traps and household Wares
And then without an if or but,
He's off for old Connecticut.
Forgetful Of his own bad verse,
Claims Ingalls, knock out was our curse,
That deaths exceed the births each year
And everything is out of gear;
In nineteen pages airs his woes,
Ungrammared rhyme gives way to prose
And then he leaves the beaten rut,
With threats Of old Connecticut.
This pamphlet seems to my weak eyes,
A dandy way to advertise;
1t will be mailed to men who hold,
Debentures payable in gold.
Which on some towns have been imposed
And ought Just now to be foreclosed,
Here's milk within the cocoanut
And why he shouts, Connecticut.
No howler ever howled as he;
Such graveyard yawps of misery;
If Just for once to think he'd stop,
His very Ingalls, was Pop,
Who gave calamity cue,
And turned the sky a saffron hue,
OF poets, Gene we have a glut,
Oh take him back, Connecticut.
He's going to the nutmeg state,
OF old blue laws and witches fate;
A land of garlic, rum and rocks
And old Seth Thomas wooden clocks,
OF safety pins and wooden hams
And shoe pegs, oats and rubber clans;
And where they speak with mouth all shut
With nasal twang, Connecticut.
We will admit the Pops raise hell,
The half of which no man dare tell,
That Democrats would rob and wrong
The washerwoman of her song
But Just one thing they have not done,
To pull their freight and cut and run
And leave this state with pomp and strut.
To live in old Connecticut.
Oh that my foe would write book
Is in the scripture if you look,
The book is writ, hell hot and grim,
Is cool beside this state for him.
Just once before, this man of law
Struck out to 90 to Omaha;
And if he goes, why hutty tut,
The joke is on Connecticut.