davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
A Practical Joke.

He was a wag and was passing a
large Diapers shop in Manchester.
There. drawn up, were three or four
vehicles, and among them was a closed
brougham with the driver fast asleep
on the box. Evidently the mistress
was inside the shop. Without word
the wag stole quickly up and. opening
the carriage door, carefully slammed it
to. In an instant the coachman
Strengthened himself up and gaZed up
the street as if he had never seen any
thing more interesting to look at i'll his
life. Then he stole a look over his
shoulder and saw the wag standing,
hat in hand, apparently convcrsing
with some one inside the carriage.
THANK you, yes. Good morning, y
said the practical joker and bowed
himself gracefully away from the door,
turning as he did so to look at the
coachman and say, Home"
Yes, sir! Tch! Get up" and away
went the brougham "home."
Where that home" was, who the
mistress of the carriage was or what
she did or said when she came out Of
the shop or what the coachman did or
said when he stopped at the door Of
"home" and found the carriage empty
all that only the coachman and the
lady knoW.-London I'it-Bits.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
Ditcihed the Bishop,

81 remember once driving across the
country with Bishop -" writes Rev.
Cyrus Townsend Brady of ga Mission
airy In the Great West" in the Ladies'
Home Journal, while discussing the
nature Of the soul. That is, the bishop
was discussing. I was only prompting
by question now and then. We were
on the rear seat Of a wagon, with the
driver on the front seat. It was a
very dark night. In the middle of the
bishops exposition the wagon took a
wild plunge, there was a crash, and
over we went into the muddy ditch.
s. L beg your pardon, gents!' said the
driver, who had retained control of the
horses as we scrambled to our feet. I
was so interested in hearin the man
discussin my immortal soul, which l
hardly ever knowed that had one be-
fore, that clean forgot where we was
and drove you plump into the ditch"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
RuSIxiu Didn't Like Hugo.

Did you ever read ''The Hunchback
of Notre Dame" I believe it to be
simply the most disgusting book ever
written by man, and on the whole to
have caused more brutality and evil
than any other French writing with
which am acquainted. Balzac is SEN
sual, but he is an artist of the highest
touch and a philosopher even in his
sensuality. Eugene Sue paints virtue
as we'll as vice. Dumas is absurd and
useless, but interesting; Beranger BIAS
phemous, but witty; George Sand i'm
moral. but elegant. But for pure, dull,
virtueless. stupid, deadly poison read
Victor Hugo.-Ruskin.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
What TIPS Do.

A man who lives On an UP town
street where the houses cost from $780,
900 up was surprised not long ago by
seeing man known to all New York
ers who patronize a we'll known res
taurant coming from 4 house several
doors below him with an air of proprie-
torship. This restaurant employee
stood on the sidewalk for q few mo-
ments and gazed admiringly at his
house and then at it's respectable
neighbors. For many years he has
been connected with a certain New
York restaurant as an attendant, and
his fees have been generous. He knew
all its patrons by name, and his polite
ness and eagerness to render service
have made him well liked. Wondering
if this restaurant attendant, whom he
knew only by his first name, could by
any possibility have rented house on
that street, the old resident came out to
satisfy his curiosity.
Hello" he said "What are you do
ing UP here?'
Good morning, Mr.. Blank" said the
restaurant attendant. ''HOw do you
like my new house? have just
bought it because 1 think that my fam
lily will like this neighborhood. You
are perhaps aware that my tips have
been generous for many years, and
can now afford to live in this house
very easily"
His questioner had no objection to
him as neighbor, and he congratulate
ed the restaurant attendant on his
prosperity. The house had actually
been bought by tips, for it's owners
salary probably averaged about SIS
Week.-New York Sun.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
why FRANKLIN Did Not write It.

1T has always been curious puzzle
why Franklin, the man of ripe age, OF
commanding distinction and Of approx
ed literary. skill, was not selected to
write the Declaration instead of Thorn
as Jefferson, then only 33 years old and
comparatively unknown" says John
Gilmer Speed in The Saturday Even
ing Post. 1T could not be that Frank
lin was passed by because he had done
everything in his power to avert the
war and reconcile the differences be-
tween the colonies and the mother
country, for all wise men in the colo
MES did all that honor permitted in
that direction until the die was cast.
No; it was not fear Of Franklin's ear
nestness in the cause of the colonies.
It was probably the fear of Franklins
humOr.
''He was not only the greatest man
of his time, but he was one of the
greatest humorists Of any time. And
so his associates were possibly afraid
that he would put joke in the Decla-
ration and passed him by and selected
the lank young Virginian with the free
killed. face.
GAS it was, Franklin did have his
Joke, for when the members of con-
gress were about to sign the Declara-
ton Hancock, whose earnestness is eX-
pressed in the bold signature which
comes first, said in his own earnest
way: we must be unanimous. There
must be no pulling different ways. We
must all hang together
Yes replied Franklin; we must
hang together, or we shall be pretty
sure to hang separately.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
The BraVers of woman.

Was grandly shown by Mrs. John
Bowling of Butler, Pa, in three years
struggle with malignant stomach trou-
BILE that caused Distressing attacks of
nausea and indigestion. All remedies
failed to relieve her until she tried Elec-
trio Bitters After taking it two months;
she wrote: II am now wholly cured and
can eat anything. It is truly grand
tonic for the whole system as gained in
weight and feel much stronger since
using it," It aids digestion. cures dys
peps1a, improves appetite, gives new life.
Only SOC. Guaranteed at Perry & Doty's
drug store.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
THE COLLAR BUTTON.
It's Blessings Realized Only by Those
Who Have Lived without 1t.


Who Have Lived Without 1T.
Gin looking over a trunk full. of old
truck the other day." said the elderly
man, II came across lot of old shirts
with the buttons sewed on, and as
looked at them l realized anew what
There have been greater inventions,
surely, but not many that have con-
ferred a more unmiXed blessing on
mankind.
'"The younger person of today, &C.
customed to the collar button always,
out it, He can never know what it
was to have shirts with the buttons
sewed on-or not, as the case might
be. Not SO very many years ago, when
the collar button was yet comparative
~ new. before persons had come to
keep, as everybody commonly does
now, a lot Of buttons on hand, the man
who had lost his collar button thought
himself entitled to the sympathy Of his
fellows, but wrung as he might be by
that loss he could not even guess at
the anguish that in the sewed on but
ton days filled the heart Of the man
who, when he came to put on his last
clean shirt, found that key button, the
one on the collar band, most important
one of all, gone entirely or only just
hanging by q thread.
Il knew man once who had this
happen to him and didn't swear That
was the only great thing he ever did,
but | have always thought that that
alone was enough to stamp him as &
most extraordinary man."-NeW York
SIM
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
A Divinity Student Routed.

Zone day we were travelling across
the plains in the caboose Of freight
train" writes Rev. Cyrus Townsend
Brady of his experiences as ga Mis-
sionary In the Great West" in The La
dies Home Journal. GA young divinity
student was with us. He was one of
the ambitious kind of divinity students
who wreck parish or two when they
begin and finally drift upon the eccle-
siastical bargain counter. He was
ready to argue about anything with
anybody.
GA greasy, dilapidated looking tramp
came into the cabOOSe at one of the
stations at the end Of a division and
presently engaged in heated discus
sion with the young theologue on the
disadvantages of education. He main
tanned the affirmative-that the less a
man knew and the less education he
had the happier he was-with so much
skill and adroitness and showed such
mastery of logic and literature that he
routed the poor boy-hOrse, foot and
ragoons-so effectively that the young
man rose and went out on the platform
to hide his chagrin, leaving the sup
posed tramp chuckling over his pipe in
huge enjoyment at his easy victory.
'"The bishop had listened without LAY
ing a word, and when the student left
he turned to the man and inquired
sharply What college do you come
from, sir? 'Yalev answered the man
without thinking. The unlucky admis-
sion destroyed the mans argument, for
he was living example of the fallacy
of his own proposition
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
Knew What She Was AbOut.

Mother-Miss Catchem has a lovely
voice, and you know it. Why did you
ask her to sing for Mr.. Richfello?
Daughter (after Mr.. Richfello)-See
that mirror in front of the piano?
YES"
well, Mr. Richfello sits right in
range where he can see her face. She
looks like a whitewashed chimpanzee
when she sings" -Pearson's Weekly.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
He Had Her.

1t is related that when the young
man who afterward became General
Fremont ran away with and married
Jessie, Tom Benton, the great senator,
made terrible threats Of what he would
do to the young man. He would give
him roasts and bullets and hades, to all
of which Mrs. Benton quietly remark
ed. You had better give him Jessie,
my dear"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
Walking on the Walls.

1t is unlawful for Chinese woman
to walk on the city walls of Picking,
but it is an exercise in which the
Americans and Europeans indulge
without objection upon days when
they are open to the public.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
DON'T
a. @( W. nAEz1

Get fat; get nice and plump;
there is safety in plulnpness.
Summer has tried your
food-works; winter is coming
to try your bre2th-raill. Fall
is the time to brace yourself.
But weather is tricky; look
out Look out for colds cs,ec-
tally.
SCOTS Emulsion Of Col
Liver Oil is the subtlcst Ct
helps. 1t is food, the caSic5:
food in the world it is more
than,food, it helps you digest
your food, and get more nutri-
ment from it.
Don't get thin, there is
safety in plumpness. Man
woman and child.
If you have not tried it, send for free samp1e
lis agreeable taste will surprise YOU
SEQ & BOVINE
aoo Pearl Street, New Work
soc. and sI.oo; all druggist.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
Anxious Only About One Thing.

The CHASTITY rider on the white horse
stopped at the gate.
Il am Death" he said to the sick
man who was watching from the win
dow.
You are welcome" replied the latter
and added in q whisper: If You value
your life. don't let my wife see you
tying your horse to that tree. She'd
never let anybody do that. "-Philadel
phia Press.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28

Our learning is so long in getting and
SO very imperfect that the greatest
clerk knows not the thousandtb part Of
what he is ignorant.-Jeremy Taylor.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28

Australia. it is estimated. is capable
of supporting at least 100000 ~
habitants
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1900-09-28
CONSTIPATION

the frequent cause or Appendicitis and MANY other
ous ills should be neglected The objection to the
usual cathartc remedies is their costve reaction which
increases constipation instead of curing it. PARKERS
GINGER TONIC is the proper remedy. 1t acts on the
the constipation. so cts. & $100 at all Druggists.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

country. this newly acquired island,
with half civilized population down
trodden by century of Spanish mis-
rule and oppression. iso Disseminated
against in our tariff duties. Can this
be justified. or who has within his
breast the spirit of fair dealing to at
tempt to defend it? Que might as
well attempt to justify a discrimination
against the iron ore of Alabama or the
coal fields of Pennsylvania.
l am unalterably opposed to the
present policy of the republican party
bywhich the United States treasury
notes are to be retired. and the whole
usual of the credit money of the coun-
try to be turned over to the national
banks, thereby rendering not only the
people but the government itself depen-
dent upon Wall Street and the money
sharks for an adequate medium of ex.
change.
l am opposed to any policy that en-
courages and fosters. trusts and COM
bines which. vampire like, are sucking
the life blood of the nation. 1t is weak
and puerile to claim. as some do, that
trusts are evils, but that the govern
ment is powerless to destroy those evils
and check their growth. Surely If we
can find authority in the constitution
to govern by force the unwilling inhab-
itants of islands situated eight thous-
and miles from our nearest coast line.
we may, by diligent search. be able to
find constitutional warrant by which to
rid ourselves of the internal foes At
least let Us make An effort, for it is
un.American to surrender until we
have been forced to the last ditch. and
have exhausted our last round of am.
munition
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

THE question of holding the
two state conventions, of the
democrats and populists, at Fort
Scott all undersone tent, as was
SO successfully done in the third
congressional district, and in
many counties of the state, is
being pretty generally discussed.
1t is the proper thing to do, and
we hope that such a plan will be
carried out, and that the & rule
be adopted, SO that the nomi-
nees will be the choice of a big
majority of ALL the delegates.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

The Newspaper Blue Book, pub.
lished by the Goth Century Press Clip
pings Bureau, Of Chicago, is ueat
and accurate list OF tho best news.
papers in the land. q valuable help to
tho business man. the historian or the
politician. Of cOur-e 1T gives The
Dn6OcRAT as the best paper in Great
Bend. both for advertising and general
news purposes.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15
All For Bryan.

Even money is offered in New
York City that Bryan will carry that
state in November without takers.
But the greatest surprise to politicians
Of all classes is the position taken by
James r. Keene, the czar of Wall
street. the unchallenged king of spec.
ulation. In 1896 he gave $4,000 to
the Mckinley campaign fund, today
he is for Bryan. Mr.. Keene's fortune
is estimated at $40, 900, 900. He has
yet to make the first mistake in his
judgment on election results.
A short time ago ust prior to Mr..
Keene's sail for England he was
dining with a number of gentlemen.
one of them an adherent of cKinley
and somewhat oversteeped in the form
or earthern ignorance that makes no
account of any west or south, was
vociferously confident of coming re-
publican success. This sage closed
his republican defamation with a
mad desire to bet Offering to bet
two to one on Mckinley. Kr. .Keene
would not ask that difference in the
amount bet, but put up 81 500 against
$40, 900 put up by the enthusiast and
his friends present.
In late interview Mr.. Keene said
to Alfred Henry Lewis.
"The people of this country" said
Mr.. Keene to me in a recent conver.
sation "must arouse themselves. The
coming election is of more Importance,
from the stand point of pure and
true A Americanism, than any that has
transpired since the second election oi
Lincoln. Money is in the saddle; it
is riding down the institutions of this
country with a confident insolence
that tells of it's firm belief in it's own
invincibility. II is running the gov
ernmsnt today in its every branch and
arm. If money is power in moulding
public affairs goes forward for fou,
years more as it has for four year
past, the name of American liberty
will only be worth recollection as 6
matter Of history. Money is pressing
the people backward step by step
What is 70 be the end? It it goes on
there are ~ matters trend. but tw
solutions. One it socialism and tn
second ID revolutions. The America
people must defend themselves frou
money. just as they once guardet
their forest frontiers from the savage
Unless they come solidIy shoulder t
shoulder for their rights and come q
once Bunker Hill will have. been
blunder, yorktown . mistake.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15
No Longer a Republican.

Hon. w. E. Bourland, prominent
Kentucky republican. sends a letter to
the Madisonville, KY, Hustler in
which he gives his reasons why he can
no longer be republican. Among
these reasons are the following very
excellent ones, ably stated:
l am opposed to the acquisition of
any territory not contiguous to the
American continent, either by con-
quest. purchase or cession.
Imperialism is not American, and
aside from being inherently wrong,
every foot of outstanding territory ac-
CURED and owned by the United States
furnishes vulnerable point of attack
to our enemy in case of war with a
foreign foe, and every unwilling subject
becomes an internal foe when most we
need friends and loyal citizens, We
whipped Spain in the short space of
three months by striking her insular
possessions, and right at this time the
great British empire is in the throes of
a death struggle with her rebellious
colonies in South Africa. The expert
ence of these great nations with their
outlaylng territory should be lesson
and a warning to the United States
government. But aside from the ex
pediency of the imperiaiistic policy,
how can we expect to maintain the
prestige we have gained among the
nations of the earth by the loyal devo-
ton to liberty and a republican form
of government. if we are henceforth
guided by motives, less exalted than
those which inspired our forfathersi
If we 60 into the Orient how can we
keep Europe from the Occident? If
we force our ideas of government upon
the government of the old world. how
are we to protect the new world by an
Monroe Doctrine7" Two years ags
we were holding up our hands in hol,
horror and knitting our brows witt
righteous indignation because Spai,
was trying to subjugate her insurgen'
subjects in Cuba, and we declared tn
cruel warfare she was waging agains
tho Cubans, who were struggling fol
freedom, was an .intolerable crim'
against civilization and not to be longe
endured BY the liberty. loving people o
America. And yet within few shor
, months We become and are yet en-
:. gagged in the same unholy effort to de
stroy the spirit of liberty in the Philip
, pines by annihilating the Philippines
This conduct and cruelty 10 as inexcus
abb ~ was the Spanish carnage il
Cuba. The claim that the Unite
States 10 . missionary Of civilixatio
and christianity. and that we n
s'crnel only to be kind" u monstrou,
The civilization and religion that
carried with the sword and the shrapn
is savage civilization and a cruel n
lligion.
Il Porto Rico is now part of Unite
+ States territory, and yet at the biddir
q of the projected interests of this gre
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

DEWEY a democrat, Schley a
democrat, Fitzhugh Lee a demo-
crat, Joe Wheeler democrat
why, come TO think it over there
are no heroes OF the Spanish
American war for the republicans
to blow about but Shafter and
Funston. However this is
enough to warrant them in call
ing all democrats copperheads.-
Western Spirit.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

j. NJ. Donley came out from De
Moines, Ia, the first of the week +
look after land interests here.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

You can get more information OF
interest to you in this weeks DEMO-
Graf than yon<cogld ipq in any other
paper in the county for a whole year.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

Why is "Allen's corner" more popu
lar than ever? AcCullough's shor
order lunch counter is located there.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

Chairman Bunting has called Z
meeting Of the republican county cen
trail committee. for p. M, June 18th
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

Barton county is second in the state
in the acreage of wheat, and is liable
to be first in yield. Sumner county
has 81. t.572 acres more of wheat Shan
Barton, but Sumner is also eight tnwn>
ships larger than is Barton, and has
no waste lands like the Cheyenne bot :
toms.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

MCKINLEY, and an Empire.
Bryan, and a Republic. 3tChoose
ye this day" which you shall
prefer to see prevail.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

Hundreds OF loads of gumbo have
been dumped on the road from the
north end Of the Arkansas bridge 20
the Walnut Greek Mills. making that
road in better condition than it eyer
was before
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

Charlie Evans, for several years an
employee of this Office in latter sos,
but now q railroad fireman, dropped
Off day in Great Bend last week.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

SAY, there is still hope for the
reformation of O'Bleniss, of the
Claflin Clarion. Turn to the
Claflin items in this issue and see
what nice things he says of the
candidates on the democrat and
pOpulist tickets.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

Now doth the busy farmer man i'm
prove each shining minute, by sticking
up his header barge, preparing to ge
lin it.N
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

Send the DEMOCRAT to your friends
In the east. that they may know what
q live, prosperous people we have, and
learn of the glories of the land
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

The Lightning bug is brilliant. but
it hasn't any mind; it struggles
through existence with it's headlight
on behind" sings an observing Kansas
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

An official test OF the city water
works will be made this afternoon,
from to O'Clock. Citizens should
shut off the water duriag the test, as
the heavy pressure that will be put on
direct from the pumps is liable to
create damage to private fixtures left
open.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1900-06-15

GENERAL MACARTHUR has ca
bled the home country for
"more troops" to continue the
war of determination of a people
battling for freedom. And yet,
we are told that "the war is
over, and peace and plenty
reigns''. God! What a spectncle
these United States are making
of themselves, in the eyes of the
whole world!