Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1900-09-27
STORIETTES.

A veteran who was hoasting of his
prowess during the civil war was
asked "How many of the enemy did
you kill, any way?" '.How many did
1 kill? How many did l kill| re-
peated the veteran, slowly. well, i
don't know exactly how many, but 4
killed as many of them as they did
of me-"
One day, before the late Lord Rus
sell was elevated to the bench, he was
sitting in court, when another barris-
ter, leaning across the benches dur
ing the hearing of a trial for big
amy, whispered: Russell, what's the
extreme penalty for bigamy?" 1.-TWO
mothers-in-law," instantly replied
Russell.
w. S. Gilbert, meeting the editor Of
Punch one day, remarked as he was
leaving him: ''By the by, Burnard, I
suppose a great number of funny
stories are sent into your Officer"
"Oh, yes" said Mr.. Burnard, "thous-
ands." Then, my dear fellow, why
don't you publish them?" replied Mr..
Gilbert, as he put out his hand to
say good-by.
j. M. Barrie's story of how tele-
graph editor, receiving dispatch that
the Zulus had taken umbrage,"
headed the news Capture of UNI
bragg by the Zulus," has been parall-
eled by an editor in the west. Short
ly after the anti-Semitic riots in
Austria. a slight shock of earthquake
was feS in the vicinity of Vienna,
| and a cable dispatch put it tersely
that there had been Seismic disturb
ances" near the capital. He headed
the item, "Down with the Jews!"
Haydn had a peculiar way of de-
termining the time in which piece
OF music should be sung. On one oc-
casion, a female singer in high es-
TEEN at court had been appointed to
sing one of Haydn's compositions.
At the rehearsal she and the conduc-
tor differed as to the time of the mu-
sic. The matter was to be settled by
referring it to Haydn himself. When
called on to decide, he asked the
conductor if the singer was hand
some. Very" was the reply, "and
a special favorite with the prince"
Then she is right" replied Haydn. ;,
Colonel Daniel r. Anthony. brother
OF Susan b. Anthony, and the last of
the fighting editors of Kansas, is on
record as the only man who has had
his aorta severed and lived. In
| newspaper feud with gambler nam.
ed Jennison, Anthony was shot. The
doctor told him he could not live.
The wounded man did not say any
thing but babe his sister good-by
| and went to sleep. When he awoke
he asked the nurse: "What time is
it?' six O'clock" replied the nurse.
The colonel chuckled for moment,
then said: Say, that's a good Joke
on the doctor, isn't it? He said I'd
be dead at five-thirty." He fell asleep
again, and when he awoke the doctor
acknowledged his mistake.
There is no such luxury as privacy
to him whose name is heralded far
and wide. Some, no doubt, enjoy the
distinction, but the majority must
detest the intrusion. Goethe once
arrived at such a pitch of Feasibility
by reason of the prying curiosity of
visitors that, when a tourist would
not be denied, he descended from his
study, lighted candle in hand, and
without a word of greeting merely
placed the candle on a table and sat
still. In nowise daunted by the cold
reception, the tourist calmly seized
the candle, and went round and round
the great man, examining his physiog-
nomy with deliberate scrutiny. Where.
| upon the poet broke into a laugh
and ordered wine. And this persist
ent visitor, needless to remark, was
an American.