The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1900-11-30

"A lduy Oh literary ldlue OuCe IcqucSuVu
DR.. Reid, the celebrated medical writer,
to call at her house. "Be sure you rec
ollect the address," she said as she
quilted the room, mo. Chesterfield
street" Madam" said the doctor, Il
am too great an admlrer of politeness
not to remember Chesterfield, and, |
fear, too selfish ever to forget Number
One"
Justin Mccarthy and some friends
were talking once about member of
the House of Commons. A lady who
was one of the company said it was a
pity for the sake of his personal appear
ance that he had such very large ears.
"Yes, said +. P. O'Connor, the bril-
liant parliamentary and platform ora
tor 'and the worst of 1t Is that while
they are too large for ears, they are too
small for wings"
When Governor Roosevelt's train
pulled out of Greeley, Col, woman
climbed on the back platform in order
to give him a homemade cake. The
train gained such momentum that when
the time came for her to get off she was
obliged to make fiying-trapeze leap
for terra firma She rolled over few
times in the sand, got up, and smiled at
Roosevelt as he stood worried for her
safety on the back platform. Then she
waved her handkerchief In evident de-
light, and became the envy of hun
dred women who had watched her ac-
robatic effort.
At luncheon given by some strang-
ers in an English town, where he was
lecturing the other day. Israel Zang-
will was treated as famous celebrity,
and his most Indifferent remark was re-
ceived with great interest. After
luncheon his hostess asked him to write
something in her little boys diary, so
that the little man might always re-
member the day he saw the great
writer. Mr.. Zangwill turned over the
leaves Of the diary, reading here and
there: "Got reward of merit" "Had
a birthday party" "Tonsilitis," ETC., and
then he wrote: "December-Zangwil.
litis.'
Years ago Major Patterson was trav-
cling on the railroad through Western
Kansas, when he fell into conversation
with congenial st. Louis man, who
remarked that he had an excellent
scheme for hiding his money. 81 simply
put 1t under the sweatband of my hat"
he said, "and no robber in the world
would ever think Of looking there for
cash." With that he pulled off his
hat and showed where he had $3.50
planted" as he described. About an
hour later the train was suddenly hat
ed while 1t was turning lonely ravine
and in few moments masked man
entered the car and began to system.
atically loot the passengers, while two
other robbers kept them covered with
shotguns from the doors. When the
fellow reached him the Major looked
up coolly and declared he had less than
a dollar in his pocket. Now if you,'u
leave me that and my watch,'' he said
"Pll tell you something worth know,
ing; That fellow in the next seat has
$3.50 under the sweat-band of his hat
"All right" said the robber, keep your
watch and chicken feed" and he pro.
ceeded to confscate the other passen.
gers cash. When the agony was all
over, and the marauders had departed
the st. Louis man turned around. burst.
ing with rage and indignation. "Tbat
was dirty, low-down trick" he roar.
ed, "and I'm going to hold you account
able for every cent of my moneyr' I'll
expected you to, my friend" repl'edl
the Major, quietly, "and here is thel
amount. You see,' he added, II hapl
pen to be a paymaster in the UnitedI
States army, and have a matter Of
$4,000 in this valise by my feet. Under
the circumstances felt justified in
temporarily sacrificing your little $256
to divert attention. shall charge it ub
to the Government as extra expense ii
transportation of funds" + |