Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1900-10-05
Jovy Jocund Jones.

chair that gentleman seemed to think
it incumbent upon him to make a
speech, and for short time one was
impelled with the belief that he would
succeed. His form is portly and COM
handing That much he had in his
favor. lie had likewise clear enuncia-
ton, which was palpable advantage.
He got on good start, another point
in his favor. For a time he went
along evenly balanced; then he wob-
bled then he swayed, and cut off his
sentence like shutting up jackknife.
But there is always lifeline for pre-
siding officers. He caught on to it,
and
pulled for the shore
That was of course announcement
Of the programme, and the first " num-
Der" was song by the glee-club.
If first appearances 60 far towards
establishing merit, the warblers were
not in luck, for the first piece fell with
a dull thud and an encore was given
to afford an opportunity for retrieving
lost ground. In that the "boys" did
better, and before the meeting closed,
succeeded in singing their way very
fairly into the good graces of their au-
dience. 1t may be that Oly's constant
laudations had led the people to ex-
pect too much; but-let that pass.
The first speaker was c. H. May
nard, candidate for State Treasurer.
He can probably cast up figures and
make out q balance-sheet much better
than he can talk in public, but he has
the appearance of being fair and hon.
est.
After another blast of harmony from
the glee club, Congressman Jones, the
star performer, appeared. He ex-
pressed himself as pleased with the
large attendance; expressed love for
Olympians, and complimented the
ladies, expedients old as Mt. Rainier
in the memories of our people. His
dreary monody was rehash OF
the few and feeble arguments" for a
continuation in power of the party of
many and false pretenses. 1t was
enlivened by few scintillations Of
humor, some of which commanded
respect only from their antiquity.
Among the old, old jokes, was one
which has worn populistic whiskers
the past half a century. 1t was the
story of the pious grocer who required
his clerk to water the vinegar and sand
the sugar before he came to family
prayers. The only new story he en-
braced in his repertoire was dream
of q farmer in Yakima (nearly every
thing he talked about centercd in
Yakima) Who dreamed that Ito was
climbing up ladder to get into para.
disc, (about the only way a Hannaite
ever dreamed of getting into anything).
when he met Bryan coming down for
"more chalk" with which doubtless to
inscribe his many meritorious acts in
public life. That at least was the in
ference but doubtless not the intent OF
the speaker. 1t was 80 pointless that
the audience turned to the sanded
sugar Chestnut" with q sense Of re.
lief. Another story was OF Yakima
citizen who asked q Yakima farmer
the price of potatoes in his wagon and
was told that they were one dollar a
sack. "Why," exclaimed the Y. c.,
Gin 1896 I paid you but ten cents a
sack" EYES," answered the Y. "but
if 1 remember right you then did not
have the ten cents 10 pay for them,
and I now know by the jingle of the
twenties' in your pocket that you can
we'll afford to pay dollar sack."
We have helped Jonesey out some
what in developing the point of this
story, which as told. was somewhat
blunted by profusion of words. An
appeal for Populistic support was
deity woven into his discourse. The
Congressman and his wife had been
away from home for some time, and
when they returned found an accumu.
lation of dust over the household ef-
fects. He went Immediately upon
the streets and byways and proclaimed
in loud voice that he wanted some
body to clean house for him. He
found nobody. Mckinley prosperity
prevailed. Working men were on a
strike and drinking beer in the fence
corners, and horrible to relate this i'm
maculate Congressman, this national
statesman, had to doff his coat and
don "bib," and agitate the buster
with his own smooth, white hands.
We think it was the opinion of Mr..
Jones' audience that he was served &C.
cording to his deserts, for going upon
the street to get man with shovel
and drag-scoop to perform the simple
act of busting, even though it may
have been Yakima alluvium that was
to be moved.
Mr.. Jones' main effort was directed
towards depicting Mckinley prosper
ity. He declared that the people we're
hilarious with joy over present condi-
tions. He appeared totally oblivious
of the fact that quarter of q million
miners were at that moment engaged
in armed conflict with the coal barons
for an advance of wages that might
keep body and soul together. He ig.