davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29
LAFF AND GRO PLAT.
Facctious Paragraphs to Produce Smiles
and Chuckles.

An old lady who is very much Of Il
bore paid a visit to family of her
acquaintance. She prolonged her stay,
ana finally said to one of the children.
Il am going away directly, Tommy,
and | want you to go part of the way
with me-" Cant do it. We are 60
ing to have dinner as soon us you
leave" replied Tommy.
Feminine Diplomacy-'IIow do you
get on with your new neighbors?'
Very nicely answered Mrs Blykins.
I'VE pursued our usual program, and
as soon as they moved in sent Oven
| and asked to borrow their wasltubs,
! hatirons, Gas stove and baby grand
piano" "But you have all such things
yoursclf?" "Of course. What I want
ed to do was to head them Off"
In Il petty sessions court a man was
sued for the non-paymcnt of his rent.
In his defense he maintained that the
place was so small that it was not
worth the rent demanded. why, yer
. homer" he exclaimed, "the room is
so small that a donkey couldn't turn
around in it; just come and try it, yer
homer
Judyc-So you admit having been
engagcd in making counterfeit money?
Prisoncr-Ycs, your honor; you see the
supply Of the genuine article is 50
very, very short
81 won't dispute it." said Farmer
Corntosscl to the political agitator.
I'm willin' to believe what you say
an admit that this here land of our'n
is goin' to eternal smash" "Are you
not going to try and help to prevent
it?' mo, Stree. was skeered at
| first, but I've had the idea dinged into
| me so much that I'm kind O. gettin'
used to it. missed the fireworks last
Fourth O. July. an haven't seen any
| real excitement in four years. I'm
willin' to take my chances with the
rest; an, to tell you the truth. I've got
a sncakin' curiosity to see how the
shebang'll look when she tears loose
and busts" ...
Boarding School French-"What
sort of French does cousin Barbara
speak?" was asked. "Frenchlcss
French" was the reply.
! precocous Youngster-And did it
take you long to persuade Sis to say
"Yes?" Her Future Brother-in-Law-,
Not very long; my cyclometer only
registered about eight hundred miles.
81 always believe" said the grocer.
Gin weighing my words Well" Yes"
answered the man who was getting
the sugar, "and I always notice that
you do considerable talking around
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29
B 0 O K S
Irish STANDARD READERS !
Greatly Reduced.

We pleased have secured from the
publishers in New York reduction forty per nearly
all the books in the list below and the prices
and charges of the United States
Some splendid books have to the list among
which Catholic Gems and Pearls price Anthony
and the goth Century, prce $780, John Jail Journal
Last Conquest of Ireland, 25c each.
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29

Mandy" said her elderly relative,
that young Spoonamore hasn't cent
to his name. You would be simply
crazy to marry him." Il am, auntie,"
replied Miss Mandy.
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29
the scales when you're putting up
things for me.'

a clergyman found himself at
church one morning without his SER
mon. "My dear BRETHREN" he ex-
claimed, Il can only give you now
what God will send me; but tonight /
will come better prepared"
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29
z ait S:

Handsome ife-size lhograph pictures OF Emmett, O'Con
nell Fathe Mathew Phil Sheridan Thomas Francis Meaeher
and Others noted in history to any address at
50 each.
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29

Judyc-So you admit having been
engaged in making counterfeit money?
Prisoncr-Ycs, your honor; you see the
supply Of the genuine article is 50
very, very short.
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29

Boarding School French-"What
sort of French does cousin Barbara
speak?" was asked. ''FrenchlcsS
French" was the reply.
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29

precocious Youngster-And did it
take you long to persuade Sis to say
"Yes?" Her Future Brotherin-Law-
Not very long; my cyclometer only
registered about eight hundred miles,
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29

liens. such arguments find lOugmcnt
in willing ears.
THE richness Of the Philippines has
not hccn estimated by the most cnthu-
siastic anncNationiStS but it is not Il
country where Il man has only to an
mex IL gold mine or stake out Il planta-
ton. The islands are thicllly settled.
the natives are shrcwd business men.
and settlers will pay.full value for all
property they acquire. Tho great Eng
fish and German firms which dominate
Manila commercially have options on
the most valuable properties. They
began to buy and secure options as
soon us they became convinced that
the United States would govern the
country. and they will be the first and
principal bcncliciaries of peace, when.
ever it comes. There WILL of course.
be great opportunities for American i'll
vcstmcnt. but the profits will not he as
great MS though the islands We're now
| ly discovered land"
| "What do you think of the ability Of
the Filipinos for self governments"
"Wcll," said Mr. Collins, chat is
rather Il difficult question. If they
were given independence such as we
have promised the Cuhans think the
state of affairs would be somewhat
similar to that in some Central Amcri.
can republics, where the defeated can.
didate for president usually starts q
revolution. 1t may not be quite as
The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1900-12-29

81 always believe" said the grocer,
sin weighing my words Well" Yes"
answered the man who was getting
the sugar, "and I always notice that
you do considerable talking around
The St. Louis Republic., 1900-09-09

State Votes Since 1896 Compared
With Votes for Bryan and Mckinley.

proxmatey representing the increase in the percentage
of the whole compared with the percentage Of the
1896. In several States Democrats and Popu-
lists combined The results included in the Demo
rratlc column marked thus . In Georgia there was
no Republican ticket; the shown In the Republic
an column for this State and marked thus -, was for
the Populist ticket
The St. Louis Republic., 1900-09-09

The following table includes all those States which,
important elections held since 1895, have shown
siderable deviation from the vote at the presidential
election Those States In which such changes have
amounted to less than per cent In the proportion of the
whole vote cast by either party not rule.
cluded. "GaIns shown" is the number OF ap-
The St. Louis Republic., 1900-09-09

for Bryan. Colorado with Z votes. Kansas
with 18 Nevada with 8. had been consist
emily Republican previous to 1892 and Ne
braska with s votes had been in the same
class even including 1892, but all these
States had clearly shown new political
complexion long before the 1896 election was
held
The St. Louis Republic., 1900-09-09
Generally Doubtful.

States that are always considered doubt
full in presidential elections:
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21
AGED Fl
Will Cast Their First Vote
This Fall.
Steps Taken to Organize First vot.
ers Club.

Steps were taken Thursday night to
organize a First Voters Republican
club In this city.
About 30 members of the party,
most Of whom Were Ineligible to mem
bership In the new organization, met
mt the Republican headquarters, In the
Abbey block and discussed the situa-
tion. The meeting got into working
order by selecting Mr.. Willard f..
Wheeler, temporary chairman, and
Mr.. w. III. Evans, jr., secretary.
Remarks We're made by Judge T..
w. stuart, Scott ID. Kenfeld, w. b.
Doyle, W, Oliver Wise and Jonathan
Taylor. Judge Stuart said that every
movement was the result of small
beginning, and advised the young
voters to get into line this fall, Mr..
Kenfield expressed the fear that the
First Voters Democratic club, about
TO be organized, might surpass the
club In his own party in numbers and
enthusiasm and suggested that some
solid work be done.
Attorneys G. Forest Firestone, w.
Oliver Wise and II. w. Loomis We're
appointed TO draft constitution and
report at meeting Monday night, at
which time permanent organization
viii be formed,
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21

Use Democrat want column. 1t pays.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21

In the coursesof accumulation for the
past thirty days the operators realiz-
ing that strike was inevitable. The
local consumption of hard coal is small
in comparison to that in the eastern
cities. Dealers here usually put In
their supply for the winter. during the
summer months, so that as far as the
supply is concerned the effect of the
strike will not be felt here very per-
ceptibly.
The demand IN the East and through
the Central States will have tendency
to increase the price all over the coun-
try. The ageias for the hard coal
operators have notified local general
agents that no@ more orders for an
thracite will he received. until the
strike Is brought to close.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21
FIVE CASES
Disposed Of In Police Court Friday
Morning.

Five cases were disposed of in Po-
lice court Friday morning as = ~..ows;
Louis Ley, arrested by Officers Doer-
Ter and Loesch near the corner of Main
and Exchange sts,, Thursday even
Ing, for being intoxicated, pleaded
guilty. The officers testified that when
they attempted TO arrest Ley he pulled
II knife, but was overpowered before
he could use 1t, Mayor Young fined
him S5 and costs.
Albert Brown and Hugh ka.n We're
also arraigned on charges of int0xica-
tion, and both pleaded guilty. The
prisoners We're fined for being intox-
icated few days previous. Mayor
Young gave each Of them sentence
of 30 days in the works and fine of
50 and costs
John O'Brlen, charged with vagran-
cy, was given a sentence of 10 days
in the workhouse. The sentence was
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21
DEALERS
Anticipate An Increase
in Anthracite Coal.

should the coal miners, big strike
continue, indefinitely the price of an
thracite coal will naturally increase
in nrice. 1t is probable that in the next
few days the price in Ohio will ad-
vance IS cents OF from its present price
OF $3.50 to $6.75.
In a week or ten days similar ad.
vance is looked for by the local deal
crs, 1t Is reported that the Lehigh
company, one OF the largest coal com
panies in, the country, has now 100000
tons of anthracite ready to ship, ms
soon as the increase Is announced,
This vast amount OF coal has been
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21
APPRECIATED
Audience Which Greeted Him Here
Last Winter.

In planning for their winters enter
tainment,. Akron people should not for
get that there will be an opportunity
to hear Il. Hopkinson Smith interpret
his own books, He is surely coming,
and comes independent of any course.
The date will be announced just as
soon as II Is determined. He will
read from his books, as he did last
season, but his hearers viii he intro
duced TO different characters, from
other books Smith expressed him
self MS delighted with his Akron audi
ence Inst winter, and ON that account
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21
Old Man Fitz Has First
Chance.
Whitaker Sends Challenge to
Billy Ryan.
~ with Erne-Local
Sporting News.
Simm

Billy Brady, on behalf of Jeffries,
has announced a willingness to make a
match with Ruhlin, provided Fitzsim-
mons refuses to accept the terms he
has offered
As to match with Rubin, he says:
''As to Ruhlin's challenge, we arc
perfectly willing to do business with
hin, provided titzsimmons refuses to
arrange a match. We will make
match with Rubin in the following
terms:
He is to post $500 at once and ST.
500 more when the articles are signed
on December /. The match is to take
place before the club Offering the lar
gest purse by Feb. 1. On that date
Rubin is TO deposit $1,000 more to
cover Jeffries' money and the winner
of the fight is to take ALL including
picture privileges and everything else.
The referee is to be named on Feb. /.
"Of course, an immediate match
with Rubin will rest entirely upon the
decision of Fitzsimmons II Fitzsim-
mons decides to fight Jeffries will not
consider any other proposition until
that contest is off his hands l sincere
iy hope that Fitzsimmons will decite
ly hope that Fitzsimmons will decide
pionship as IT will greatly clear the
pugiIistic atmosphere which Is at pres
ent somewhat clouded."
HAS WRITTEN RYAN.
Johnny Whitaker has written let
ter to Billy Ryan, Offering to make
a match with him before the club
hanging up the most liberal purse.
Whitaker is keeping himself in good
ring at any time.
MRS. CTS LATEST.
Mrs. James j. Corbett has made
another assertion that brings her to
the front again as the champion SEN
sationalist. She claims that when she
married Corbett II was with the under
standing that they We're TO separate as
soon as he met his first defeat. She
announces that she Is through with
him and that she will pay no attention
to his cablegram, begging her to meet
him in London.
SIMMS ACCEPTED OFFER.
Detroit, Mich, Sept. 81. (spl)-The
Cadillac A. G. of this city will offer a
purse for 15-round contest between
Art Simms, OF Akron, o., and Frank
Erne, If the light weight champion
cares to sign articles at 1870 pounds,
weigh in at 9 o'clock. Simms has ac-
cepted and will sign articles Mt once,
leaving the division of the money to
Erne. If the match Is made the con
teri will take place about the middle of
October.
RAIN INTERPRETED.
The races at Rockport were post
poned Thursday on account of rain,
A number OF Akron horses were en-
tered. They will start today. After
the Rockport meeting the horses go
TO Newburg and then TO Akron.
BRIGHT PROSPECTS.
Indications are favorable for great
meeting In this city during the coun-
ty fair. Secretary II. A. Hershey is
receiving many inquiries relative tc
the classes and purses,
POSTPONED.
The regular matinee Of the Akron
Gun club was not held Thursday ow
Ing TO the rain. II was postponed ono
OUT FOR PRACTICE.
che candidates for positions on the
Moth End A. @. foot ball team were
ont for practice Thursday evening
Great interest Is being taken In the
preliminary work. Lights Will he Sc
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21
MAY BOOK GARDNER.

Milo Williams, chairman of the spc-
cial committee to arrange for the Wei
don benefit, IL in. receipt Of a letter
from the manager of Eddie Gardner,
asking whit inducements can be Of
fered for his appearance In this city
on the occasion Of the Weldon show.
Either Gardner or Santry will be
matched against Simms.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21

gave them more time Than usual, 1t
is his custom to read an hour ana n
half, but because of his enjoyable
and appreclatlye audience here, he
read for two hours.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21

A surprisingly beautiful exposi-
ton of Ladies', mi S IS, and children's
headwear at our millinery opening
next Tuesday and Wednesday.
M. 0'NElL & co.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21

afterwards suspended, provided he
left town inside of half hour.
Frank Golden pleaded guilty to an
assault and battery charge. Jacob
Rhodes was the complaining witness,
Golden was fined 81 and cost.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21

We will pay the above reward for any case
of Liver Complaint, Dyspepsia, Sick Head
ache. indigestion, CONSULTATION or Costive-
ness we cannot cure vi h Liverita, the Up
to-Date Little Liver Pill,when the directions
are strictly complied with They are purely
Vegetable and never fail TO give satisfaction.
25c boxes contninJ0 pills. l0c boxes contain
10 mills. SC boxes sontaiRl5 pills. Beware OF
substitutions and limitations. Sent by mail
Stamps tnlSon. NERVITA MEDICAL co.
Cor. Clinton and jackson Sts,, Chicago, III.
Fors ale by John Lam parter 4 Co., 1888 S
Howard ST., and Ipman Bros, East Akron
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1900-09-21

arranged that the team can have the
benefit of outdoor work in short
time.
The age-herald., 1900-06-13
SUSPICIOUS DEATH
Of Negro is Being Investigated by the
 Coroner

Early yesterday morning shot rang out in the neighborhood of Avenue and Eighteenth street, and on investigation it was found that Isam Tarbox, negro who lived in a small house in that location, was found lying on the floor with pistol shot wound in his head Thomas and Lula Dodson, a negro and his wife, who occu- pied the same house, were in the room when the officers arrived and stated that Tarbox had committed suicide.
 Officers Johnston, Shirley, Hamilton and Thompson, who were attracted by the shot, made an investigation, but found few in- dications of suicide and placed Dodson and his wife under arrest.
 Coroner Dallas was notified and ordered the body removed to Gaudn 6, Loy's un- dertaking establishment where an inVestl- gation was begun
The age-herald., 1900-06-13
BIRMINGHAM MAY YET
 GET THE ENCAMPMENT
The Stale Guard May Camp Here In- stead of Mobile If Proper Effort
 is Made.

With proper effort the annual encamp- ment of the Alabama National Guard can be brought to Birmingham this summer, or at least some of the friends of the Guards say it can.
 Recently the commanding officers of the three regiments held a meeting and decided to hold the encampment at Mobile, provided that city raised a certain sum of money to help to defray the expenses. Mobile has not yet raised this money and it is said is making no effort to do
 The encampment will not be held until after July l, as there is no appropriation available for the purpose until the end of the present fiscal year. June 30, or at least that Is the claim made by some of the members of the local companies
 No brigade encampment can be held, as the State has not sufficient number of tents to accommodate all the companies at once. The three regiments, however, will time, and as soon as one leaves another will take its place, until they have all had their ten days of instruction and duty. It is stated that an effort will be made to get the regiments to come to Birming- ham, and that in the event the officers will entertain proposition, certain men in the city stand ready to guarantee the necessary amount of money towards securing the en- campment
The age-herald., 1900-06-13
SUPREME COURT DECISIONS.

Montgomery, June 12.-(Special.) )-The Alabama supreme court today handed down the following decisions: McClelland, C. J.: Joe Baker, Jr., vs. Malone and Sons, appeals from Henry circuit court: affirmed
 Haralson, J.: Southern Railway Company vs. c. Hood ct al, appeal from Etowah chancery court; affirmed.
 L. J. Park vs. J. c. Wilson, appeal from Perry circuit court; reversed and remand ed.
 Tyson. J.: Emily U. Knape vs. Lizzie G. Reeves, appeal from Barbour chancery court reversed and remarded.
 American Surety Company of New York vs. United States for use, etc, appeal from Mobile circuit court; reversed and remand ed.
 Sharpe, J.: J. A. Patterson vs. James A. Allen, appeal from Birmingham city court; affirmed.
 Birmingham Mineral Railroad Company pany ct al, appeal from Bount circuit court; reversed and remanded.
 Dowdell, J.: M. L. Stabler vs. L. D. Bry- ant, appeal from Wilcox circuit court; af- firmed.
 Willis Brownrigg Town Council of Livingston, appeal from order of judge of the Sixth Judicial circuit, denying pe- titon for Habeas corpus; reversed and re- manded. Per Curiam-Aabama Midland Railroad Company ys. Carrie F. Horn, appeal from Crenshaw circuit court, motion to establish bill of exceptions denied. Exparte E. c. Humes administratrix, petition for man. damus, rule nisi awarded.
The age-herald., 1900-06-13
ANNUAL MEETING
 OF THE TRUSTEES
Of University of Alabama Will
 be Held Tomorrow.
SESSION MAY BE LIVELY
Court Proceedings May be Instituted Against Newly Appointed Trustees Differences Between Johnston
 and Alumni Association

The Board of Trustees of the University of Alabama will hold their annual meeting in Tuscaloosa tomorrow, and it is very likely the session will be an exciting one.
 The three new trustees appointed by Gov ernor Johnston last Monday, it is under stood, will be on hand to be sworn in and take their seats. It is also probable that there will be opposition to their sitting with the board, and court proceedings to pre- vent them from so doing are among the probabilities.
 The Society of the Alumni held meeting at the Morris Hotel in this city last Friday and it is understood discussed the question of new trustees. It had then been re- ported that the Governor intended appoint and Dr. John Little, whose terms, accord ing to the claims of the Alumni, do not expire until December next, The proceed ings of the society were held behind closed doors, but enough was ascertained after ward to lead to the conclusion that the executive committee was instructed to sue taking their seats in the event Governor Johnston did make the appointments. This course will probably be pursued.
 Governor Johnston claims that the terms of Colonel Sanford, Dr. Little and Judge Richardson expired on March 1.
The age-herald., 1900-06-13
A "CHANGE" BREAKFAST Getting Ready for Warm Weather

complete change in breakfast would, at this time of year, improve the health of anyone.
 Meat, potatoes and coffee become tire some. The system calls for change, but what to? Hot and half-cooked pastry and starchy cereals are unattractive.
 Vegetables taste good but furnish too lit- tie nourishment to sustain one until the next meal, particularly if brain work is required.
 A most appetizing, convenient and health- full breakfast can be made on Grape-Nuts, Ca ready cooked food) a little cream or milk, some fruit and perhaps two soft eggs.
 (Pint tin cup of sharply boiling water put in two eggs, not one, nor three, cover and set off stove, serve in just nine min utes. Whites will be like cream and half digested) The GrapeNuts food is concern trated and but three or four teaspoons should be used at one meal, that amount furnishes full strength and nourishment up to the next.
 change from the old breakfast to one like this will refresh and invigorate the system in a surprising manner
 Good food in proper variety and a con- tented mind solves the whole health prob lem.
The age-herald., 1900-06-13
MIR. BURKHALTER TOOK
 THE OATH OF OFFICE
Board of Revenue Sat as Jury Commission, Disposing of That Phase of
 the Case.

G. B. Burkhalter, who was appointed as a member of the Board of Revenue to succeed P. H. Earle. resigned, anent which there has been much discussion, took the oath of office before Probate Judge J. P. Stiles yesterday, but so far was given out did not sit with the board, which was in session.
 It is stated that the reason why MT Burkhalter did not sit with the board was because it was sitting as a jury commits sion and in order that there might not be any question to jurors MT Burkhalter took no part. It is understood that the board drew all turies that will be needed before the new board qualities, thus dis posing of that phase of the case.
 In the meantime the public is watching with keen interest the next step and an effort to oust MT. Burkhalter will no doubt be made.