The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1900-01-13
PASSING P1EAsANTR1Es.

st see that the cream OF the British
army is now in the Transvaal. Yes:
the whipped cream. Life.
After the Tln.-"If you do call to-
morrow l shall tell Mary to say that !
am not In" "All rlght-then shall tell
Mary to say that l didn't call."-Tlt-
Bits.
DIalect.-"What loaay dialect Mr..
Levy has," exclaimed Miss Isaacs, the
acknowledged leader OF the Lebanon
Links. Ibid you hear him schust say,
'Hoot, shentlemena? "-Puek.
The Japanese government has made
the camphor trade OF Formosa monop-
oply; so that the government has the
say whether or not the moth shall cor
rupt.-Boston Transcript.
The English carry the Bible in one
hand and the sword in the other; but
Kruger, It seems, carries the Bible In his
head, thus leaving both hands free Tor
the sword.-Puck-
A re.-Maude-After our en-
EaEement Jack told me It was a case
Of love at first sight on HIS part. Clara
Dear fellow! Is he near-sighted?-
Chicago News.
A Real sInecure-Tired Tompkins-
There's one Job wouldn't mind hav-
In. Horace. Hungry Horace lin amaze
ment)-Whats that? "Llneman for a
wireless telegraph company."-Lite.
bridget" said the mistress TO her
sick servant, would you take a little
medIcine?" Faith, ma'am," said she
rdtake anything to make me well, even
II know 1t would kill me."-PhIladel-
phia Record.
Technique.-"what's the difference
between a trust and a consolidation"
well, trust puts up prices without
saying anything: but a consolidation
waits until after It has announced that
prices will not be put up."-Indianapolis
Journal.
Horses and Men.-"A horse" he said
refiectively. us no fool" well, |
should say not" was the reply. "a
man." he went on, will go out and bet
on a horse race, but you never heard
OF o horse betting on footrace. As
before remarked. a horse Is no fool
Chicago Evening Post.
on the EmIgrant ship.-"If what the
captain says Is thrue." remarked Bird
get Eye may look out fr the monsoon"
JEANNE, who was on her way across the
ocean 10 meet her lover. looked interest
ed. INA doot," she said, with a tlne
blush. But what does the captain knaw
ABBOTT un?"-Chicago Tribune.
Story Of Some Gulleful savages.-
Once upon time there were some guile
full savages, who resolved to be civilized
at small cost to themselves. Accord
ingly they spent $3.50 In the cOnBtruc-
tlon Of a sailed gold mine in their midst.
The next day It rained, but the day after
that the genius Of the Anglo-Saxon race
came on the keen Jump, with cannon
and Red Cross nurses, and civilized
these savagea. When the invaders dis
covered the deceit that had ben prac-
tIsed upon them. their chagrln knew
no bounds. For they had no gold, while
the natives had clVIlization.-DetroIt
Journal
Information wanted.-The lecturer
on the "Ethlcs Of Expansion" had dellv-
cred thoughtful and scholarly dis
course. and before leaving the rOstrnm
said 'Tf there lB any point have fail
ed to make clear. shall be happy to
repair the omission. SO far as am able.
Has any one a question to ask?" A wor-
riGd-loOlsIng young man rose up. There
IL one thing would like TO know" he
said, land can't find anybody who can
tell me. When you're eating dinner
away from home, and they bring on
chicken salad, In II proper to eat the
leaf OF lettuce that comes with tt2"-
Chicago Tribune