The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1900-02-22
Mr.. Jobson Gets Dinner

JATHEN Mr.. Jobson got home from
w his Office al five O'Clock the other
afternoon he found the front door
locked. Concluding that The catch had
accidentally dropped. he got out his
latch key and opened the door. lie
was surprised to find the vestibule
door locked. too. Mumbling something
about the iuefllcacy and mbecilityso of
modern patent locks, he used his latch
kew on the vestihule door also. and en-
tered his abode. He had hung his coat
and hat on the rack before he noticed
the queer. lonesome silence tliat broods
over house the occupants of which
are all out Mr.. Jobson was visibly rat
fled
"Jane!" he called 10 his wife, some
what commandingly from the bottom
of the stairs, at the same time mutter-
ing something about women who stay
upstairs primping all the afternoon.
But there was no reply. Mr.. Jobson
went to the head of the basement stairs.
"Lily!" he called to the black serv-
ant. Lily replied not.
"Well. here's deuced pretty motel"
CALCULATED Mr.. Jobson, spreading his
legs out in the hall and looking savage.
"What's the meaning of 1t, I'd like to
know? Man comes home from toll
and drudgery at his regular daily hour
and finds his home as deserted as a
northwestern boom town church. Wife
gadding the streets, servant off attend
ing some five o'clock tea and parlor So
cial, and no more sign of dinner than
of elephant tracks! And I'm so hun
CRY that could eat burro stuffed
with firecrackers! Now. this is the
worst yet. I'm willing to do as much
and to stand as much as the next man
for the sake of peace and quiet life,
and to keep my home together, but I'll
be eternally flibbertgibbeted II this
isn't too
The situation bore so heavily upon
Mr.. Jobson's spirits that he couldn't
finish the sentence. He set to work
thinking out schemes whereby he
could exhibit his displeasure. He was
in two minds as to whether he would
receive Mrs. Jobson upon her return
with fiery and sarcastic illusions, OF
greet her with solemn, martyr-lke dig
nifty. displaying evidences of grief ane
disappointment too profound for ade
quate expression. Mr.. Jobson felt yer!
much abused. He looked around Il
see If there was any note of explana
ton tackled TO the top Of the bureau
or resting on the mantel, or stuck in al
easel on the piano. There was no note
.'Nope," unused Mr.. Jobsop. when h
had finished his search, there's NO
even line of explanation. Just plai'
case Of heartless, callous indifference
And after the way have toiled an
moiled-"
The thought was almost too muc
for Mr.. Jobson's composure. He col
lect ed himself, however, with great ei
fort. and decided upon course to puI
: sue. At first he reflected that II woul
: he good scheme for him to write
short, jerky note addressed to Mr.
Jobson. stick it up in some prominen
place, and then depart for wild. t,
: multuous time of 1t downtown, return
: ing at three o'clock in the morning |
a night-liner and an aggressive fran
of mind. But he remembered that th
: last time he had chosen this metho
r of exhibiting his displeasure over
r fancied grievance he he'd hardly bee
t able to drag himself around for wee
afterwnrd.
: "Too much of boomerang that way
; thought Mr.. Jobson, deciding not
: have recourse to the tumultuous pla
: 81 know just what I'll dol" he SUI
!, denly thought, and he proceeded IN
mediately to put his scheme into ope
alton. He took off his coat and ella
D orately rolled up his sleeves. Then
descended to the basement kitche
e He lighted all the burners in the G.
= range, coming perilously close TO blo'
ing himself to eternity in the oper
ton. and started in to cook dinner 4
IT himself. First he dumped about hs
If a pound of coffee into the pot, and. fl
d ing it up to the top with water, put
D. on to boil. Then he dug around for m
N terials wherewith to make hims'
D. some corn bread. He ranged all 4
N materials about him on the kitch
h table, and within five minutes he W
T. in corn meal, molasses and other thin
Id up to his elbows. He put great maj
- ingredients in the corn meal. and ev
ie looked at the Worcestershire sauce a
o. the cayenne pepper. He managed
get the pan into the oven after 30 mi
ID utes Of exhausting labor. by which til
,e he was sight. as, in fact. was the WHIT
at kitchen. Then Mr.. Jobson careful
as sharpened the bread knife and hunt
81 up the bacon. He cut OF three hs
~ inch-thick slices Of the bacon with t
- bread knife. incidentally gashing
- left foreHnger pretty badly. After 4
ing upstairs and binding up his slj'
-. cred finger. he doggedly returned
n the job Of getting his dinner.
err .'MighN a. well learn now a. q
Sc other tin,e." he growled to himself.
rs can see how things are going in 4
camp. and the sooner learn how
hustle for myself. why"
Then Mr.. Jobson searched around
ne ten minutes for the eggs before he G.
ne cluded to look for them in the ice b
(He hadn't put. any eggs In the y