The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1900-06-16

IN IT. One or the queereSt was
Ole Shock Smith. He was only
about thirty or so, but he was Old Shock
to everybody. What his Christian name
was or If he had any do not know, but it
would have been "a great waste OF good
Christianity to have given a Christian
name to Shock. He had no earthly use
for anything Christian.
He belonged to the working class and
what quite ARE for people in that
class, he owned the place on which he
lived near town. He inherited it from an
uncle, Old |Stinker Smith, who was said
to have received it from some nabob for
helping him abduct a lady.
His Wife was q tall, faded-olt, over
worked looking woman who seemed never
to have known "a happy day in her life,
and he treated her shamefully His play
full manner Of regulating Mrs. Shock when
he deemed she needed it was, I think,
unique. Between Shocks and Ola Ken
dals gardens ran q very pretty, neatly
clipped haw-haw hedge. Old Kendall
owned the hedge and was very proud of
tt--hel4ce the clipping. Tt was about four
and half feet high.
When Old Shock got mad with his wife
he used to pick her up and, as he called
1t, chuck her over into Old kendals
garden. 1t was a long step up KendaTs
garden and round the road to her home,
but Mrs: Shock took the trip about four
times a day. Always being carried the
first part of the way and efficiently helped
over the haw-haw must have been an
advantage. Still l think the poor woman
became tired Of it at times, having too
much of a good thing, as it were.
The truth is Old Shock was an all
round, Al, first-class, ronclad, case
hardened copper bolted triple plated, Gil
abolical old rascal.
That is short way of saying he was
a kind of scalawag. He had the ability
of a wellington and the cunning of a
fox. He was known to be in league with
a gang of city burglars and to give them
pointers about country houses. The police
and gamekeepers watched him constantly,
and it would have been both glory and
profit to the man who caught him, but he
was too smart for the lot
His place was a small house, garden and
about five acres of land, through which
ran a small stream. and the quantity Of
game that Shock sold from that place was
caution.
His most enjoyable amusement. after
chucking Mrs. Shock over the haw-haw,
was when a local squire had a shooting
party to appear at exactly the right mo-
nent for effect tsay when they were
punched round demijohn), fresh pleas
ants and cartridges strung all over him,
address the squire in a hail-fello~-weil-
met style, tell him about his shooting
ground and how much game he had
shipped off of it and end by inviting the.
whole party TO luncheon and a half days
good shooting. OF course there was no
more game On his land than there is on
the court house square, and that he was
then carrying belonging, most likely, to
the man to whom he was talking. For
tunately for him, there was both a law
and "a prejudice against killing folks:
One day Old Shock brought friend
home to dinner with him. Mrs. Shock
prepared two pieces of beefsteak, one
much larger than the other When they
sat down to dinner Mrs. Shock acted in
a nervous. hesitating manner, SO he
growled, fork out that mate Sill very
nervous, she handed the stranger the
: largest piece of steak. Shock jumped up,
grabbed her and went and chucked her
over into Old KendaTs garden. Then he
came back, jabbed his fork into the piece
OF meat OH the strangers plate and put
it on his own. Fle then gave the friend
the small piece. 1t is said the friends
appetite was spoiled by this simple Incl
dent, and That he went off without his
dinner, but then some folks are alto
gether too silly particular When Shock
had cleared up all there was to eat he
went out to one of his regular employ
ments, Which was getting drunk, and he
made right good job of it, while Mrs
Shock stayed over in Old Kendals gar
den and dined On good green gooseberries
Vlr Al 1ly Lea
be mendcd just as good as new
A Mormon missionary struck that town
put up three-wogan and horses inn, and
started in making saints. Two days after
ward he went to board at Old Shocks.
He stayed about fortnight and made
only one saint, and that one was Old
stock. The rest of the villagers were
pretty steady churchgoers, and altogether
too welded to their idols (nice looking
idols numbers of them were, too,) to want
any more of them. and the women did
not believe in one man owning a whole,
unlimited joint stock company anyhow
Mrs. Shock did not like the idea much,
out she argued it that he could not be
much tougher as saint than he was as
sinner, SO she went along with him
Shock soon sold off all his property and
went off to Mormon settlement with a
gang of nearly three hundred from differ
- ent places. That was the last ever heard
of him. Unless the saints could really
work miracles which they about claimed
to do, I expect that in the course of time
Mrs. Shock to the extent of fifteen or so
of her was daily being chucked over the,
haw-haw into his neighbor's garden, with
4soor old, washed-out Mrs. Shock, the first,
at the tail end of the procession.
Then there were two Marthax Smiths.
father and son. Why they were called
Marthax nobody knew, but as they were
always called Pat nobody cared. Old
Pat. But let me moralize for mo-
ment. Did YOU ever stop to think how re-
markably smart all the Smiths are? You
know they are plentiful, of course. but II
am talking about their smartness. No
matter how low down they may be, if they
only live long enough they will prove
themselves to be true smart Smiths.
Take Joseph, for instance No one but
Smith could have dug that bit Of a box
full of tin plates out of hemlock side
hill or peach orchard, whichever lives.
ard then get three respectable men to go
before a Justice and make afidavit. that
they had not only seen it but had hefted
a.