The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1900-06-27
not called 'pugilists' because they are
really anxious to fight. "-Washington

, relatives assembled at the house to await
the arrival Of the hearSe from the rail-
road. But the train was late. The
lnourners grew nervous. The undertake
err, an unconscious, bowed old man, kept
creaking through the sitting room and
the parlor out to the front door and
locked down the street with anxious
gaze.
AT last in the silence there was a GRIND
Of wheels on the gravel without. But
by this time the funeral party had re-
tired to the dining room to partake OF
gloomily and silently at the board The
undertaken appeared at the door of the
room. With the palm of his right hand
rubbing the knuckle Of the LETT, he ad-
dressed them:
''Friends!'
! They looked up. The funereal Mrs. Part
ington" continued: Friends, the remain
der Of our dear, deceased friend Abram
has arrived. Are we ready for the OBJ
sick.es"
Con Sultu Sabo Utyo Urey Es-Hiram
struggled manfuly with it for several
III nuies, and gave it up.
ut isn't good Latin he sad. There
are some words i'll it that are Latin, but
the others are either wrong in termina-
ten or are barbarisms from other Ian
guages, and taken as a whole, it doesn' t
make sense
That is what said" rejo;ned his sis
| ter, but Keturah, out in the kitchen,
! translates it without any trouble. She
says it means, Consult us about your
eyes.
Whercupon Hiram collapsed Youth $
| Companion.
Deacon Ironjaws severely MY
friend, do you keep the Sabbath?''
| Druggist (from force of habit)-"Well
-er-h nl-no; but | have something just
| as good. Puck.
One of the richest men living, whose
| immense wealth makes 'hlm target for
| poor people, says London Tit-Bits. has
recently been in Paris, and the way iii
which he repealed a certain applicant for
! help IS related like tbs:
| On the opposite side of the hotel table
sat a woman who had once been rich.
Monsieur, you Englishmen are so chiv-
a.rous-so ready to assist those IL dis
tress."
Yes said the man of wealth, hest.
tating. He had heard that before, and
| thought he knew what was coming next.
Would you, with your usual generosi-
| ty, do me a favor and a great kind
ness?'
Yes. madam-that is, it depends some
what
Think well, monsieur, before you
promise, for it is great kindness"
1t was the same old plea that he had
heard many times before from peopie
who wanted loan.
Il am afraid, madam, that / shall have
tO-but what is it you WISH!
Only that you will be kind enough,
monsieur, to pass me the mustard. You
have everything on your side OF the ia
be-"
Tommy was presented lately by his
| older sister with neat penwiper for use
at school. which he had just begun at
tending. He admired it, but remarked,
Il shan't have much use for it, Jennie.
why not, Tommy? You use IA pen
every day at school, Eyes; | know
that" why don't you use penwiper
then?" she replied. Because ] always
wipe my pen down the side Of the next
| boys hair"
| Sir Robert Finlay, the new English
| attorney general, was once engaged on u
case for breach of warranty of horse,
the age of the animal being the chief
matter in dispute, and had to cross-exam-
inc a hostler, yokel with every appear
authority do you swear to the age of the
marc?' he asked. I'm sure of it, was
the reply. Half a dozen more questions
failed to elicit from the witness any more
specific answer. But how do you
know?" Numbered Sir Robert at last. Il
had it from the mares own mouth re-
| piled the hostler.
! The following birth notice recently ap-
| peared In the columns of a Kansas paper:
| Born, to the wife of Jim Jones' a bow
| The boy favors his old dad in several
ways, viz: He is bald, has a red nose,
takes to a bottle like humble bee to a
lump of sugar and makes a lot of noise
about nothing. Seahr'
There is farmer named Rogers in the
North who possesses Jersey COW, which
| he used to drive, morning and evening. TO
and from the pasture. not far from his
| home, says the Cleveland PLAIN Dealer.
One morning, as one of his neighbOrs
! was passing along the road. he met Mr..
Rogers walking in the middle of the lane,
his mind apparently engrossed with some
weighty question. The neighbor called
out:
Good morning, Mr.. Rogers; where are
you going?"
why" said Mr.. Rogers, in a surprised
way, IN driving the cow to the pas
ture." And he waved his hand toward
where the cow ought to have been.
/ well, where is the cow?' asked his
friend.
Il suppose l forgot to let her out of
the barn." answered Mr.. Rogers. hum
bly,, as he realized his position. And he
| had.
The Vassar girls had great celebra-
ton the other evening on the close of
the examination, and the Senior how'll
was heard in all it's thrilling weirdness.
The words of this wonderful ululation
are as follows:
Howl, howl, Senior, howl
| Howl your lOudest-
That's all right
| 1900 bowls tonight.
That seems howlish enough. but aft
err ALL it is only a ,screech-howl.
| People who have the mistaken idea that
poets prefer to be addressed in what is
commonly called high flown language
sometimes say strange things
One such misguided individual spoke to
| Col. John Hay in a hotel parlor, soon af-
ter the great fire in Chicago.
''Well, Col. Hay" she said. ADVANCING
with outstretched hand and her sweetest
smile, Il suppose we shall soon have
the pleasure Of seeing the great fire en-
balmed in your liquid verse, shall we