The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1900-08-05
Fun Of the Word

THE day I arrived, on my way West,
said the Governor, zone OF my callers
was & citizen of Joliet. who was slightly
the worse for imbibing, but his manner
was so original and SO funny 1 couldn't
resist listening TO him. He made a short
two or three compliments, He talked
about the Cuban war and bear hunting,
and finally said: Governor, we are anx-
ious to have you make a speech in Joliet
when YOU pass through on Sunday
night
7 told him that 1 would not make a
speech there
We'll. we want TO see you, anyway,
he said. 'Theren be a big crowd down
at the depot 10 see you
Il tod him I would De glad to see the
citizens Of Joliet. and babe him good-
bye
Goodbye. colonel he said, Coed
bye Then, lowering his voice, he said
in the most confidential tone you could
imagine: The boys want TO take band
down to the depot, Governor. and If
you'll lend me SIS I'll see that they
get it,
8gg
In the worst days OF New York poll
tics, when Boss" Tweed fourisaed and
made money for himself and mis- friends,
/ he found ii occasionally convenient that
some of his supporters who had nevsr
had a legal education should be admitted
TO practice in the courts. This process
/ of admission was then an examiaau
to b h Id in open court TO ties the
| qualifications of tn eppl.c in 5. tu-
Tweed guarded against all possible Gff-
ficulties by securing the appointment to
the examining committee OF judges in
sympathy with his methods. The au-
thor Of Thirty Years of New York oil
! ties gives a report of one Of these
special examinations.
| Judge Barnard was in the chair The
| first applicant was a state senator who
! had never seen "Kentf or a BLACK
stone" in his life. With mock gravity
! the judge put him through a catechism
which it is said ran as follows:
| Q.-Senator, dosyou know there is such
a thing as a state constitution?
| Ayes, sir.
| Q.-Well, then. if proposed bill came
up for consideration, which you knew
was in violation Of the constitution,
what would you do?
! Al would move to suspend the con-
! stitution anne as we sometimes suspend
the rules of the senate to pass a bill.
stand aside said the Judge, with
smile. 'yu will make a profound law
/ yer.
Now. sir" said the judge, addressing
Mr. Daniel Breezy, another applicant,
If you had a claim for client Of fifty
thousand dollars against the city what
would be the first sep you w1dld take
to recover it?'
Il would go and see Bill Tweed" was
| the sagaciOus answer
You viii make your mark IS i corr
poratfon lawyer said the Judge, amidst
great merriment.
z z
Wayne MacVeagh, the wel-known
Philadelphia lawyer, and ex-minister to
Italy, has a keen sense of hum r.
Recently he was arguing tc!'ous,
technical case before the supreme court.
The affair dTifted through long days OF
uninteresting detail. When il VS. Il
naly ended. Mr. MlcVeagh and a col
league, in talking it over, speculated as
to whom Chief Justice Fuller would as
sign to write the opinion in the case,
and the speculation resulted in wager.
Just then Chief Justice Fuller cam
down the corridor. Mr.. MacVcagh called
him and told him of the wager.
IF you will help me out, Mr. Chief
Justice and tell me whether my guess
is correct, the affair can be settl .ght
here, for you have the assigning TO DO
and know whom you will ask to wrio
the decision"
Whom have you selected in y-ur
wager, Mr.. MacVeagh?" asked NJ. Full
Ter, keenly Interested.
'fMr Justice Gray" answered NJ.
MacEeagh
And why did you choose Mr. Gray?''
Because I noticed he slept through
the entire argument" answered Mr.
MacVeagh.
< x
after 1 had watched a colored man
fishing in a South Carolina br!ckyard
pond for forty minutes without pulling
up his hook" said the traveller. Il asked
him il he thought there were any fish
there TO be caught.
No, sab, I reckon not ne replied.
But you seem to be fishing
Yes, sab
But perhaps you are not fishing for
fish,
No. sab
q waited ten minutes for him to ex-
plain, but as he did not. l finally asked
him what particular object ne had in
view
De objeck, sab he repeated without
taking his eyes off the pond or moving
the pole-'de objick Of my fshin' fur fish
what dere hain't any is 10 let de oe
woman see dat I haint got no time 70
pick up de hoe and work in de truck
patch?
gg gR
On one occasion, when Won Bul9w had
20 conduct an orchestral concert at
which a piece written by an aristocratIc
amateur was TO b. performed, the COM
poser requested permission to direct a
rehearsal. and, on Obtaining it, opened n
parcel containing seventy pencils, which
he handed to the members OF the band.
asking them to mark his intentions in
their parts. as he would give them hy
word Of mouth. Hans Won BUlow noted
this matter OF detail and left the hal
Presently he returned also with parcel.
and, on resuming mis- place at the desk.
gre ely handed out seventy rieces #
inda-ruboer. with viii ire p-arers
were 10 erase the directions which the
composer had given them.
x
Little Johnny and Mary were sitting
on an ottoman IL rather close quar-
ters Johnny finally said; Mary, there
would be more room f7r me on this otto
man # one OF us was 70 get OF. ="
<
7 heard a good story the other day.
and maybe you have heard g. too; bur.
anyway Il is worthy Of repetition. says
Hal Reid Of Denver:
Dan Grogan was a prosperous con .
tractor, and he had four boys, gre :. /
big. strappin' fel'ys w.d hands on 'eu
Ike canvas hams. ar wan day vain
Dan doId these same 5ocC9s had q fora
pity made fer in. KID Papa il pUrpasi f
irnmartels opEon 81 Phwat DO yeas
tink av thin. Papa and thin aid hans
IS big e. hams2
Wen. they tuck Dan pare 30 - tfv
soul. out = ire ciustary. ard 2aE
they got IN thayre TIE paliaearsrs aH
walked along and d5rcpces a c3od e.
dirt Upon in. and sbaYer who5t gloves
as wei. and thin. ne un5hertaker KIN