Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1900-12-20

MaIhnla-JOnnny, l Tear you were no
at school yesterday. Johnny-,H'm! II
bet the teacher told you. a woman cal
never keep a secret.-Tit-B Bits.
Mrs. Dresser-Do you think this dres
Is long enough behind, Jack? Mr.. Dress
er-Flenty! Any microbe that can rs
cape that isn't worth observation-disclosures
Modern Society.
Stoughton-Did you have good tim'
Mt the banquet last night? Manhat
tan-Splendid; drank myself into in
sensibility before the speaking began.-
Boston Transcript.
An Easy Part: Youth-Oh, l dom,
want to take that character; I'll make
fool Of myself, sure. Maiden-Well
You said you wanted an easy part
Detroit Free Press.
Back and Forth-Edmond, what made
you SO late? My dear. l came up in
my new automobile and passed the
house five times before could arrange
to stop.-1ndianapolis Journal.
Father (who has helped his son with
his homework)-What did the teacher
say when you showed him the sums I
Johnny-He said was getting more
stupid every day.-Glasgow Evening
Times.
"Well. Jim couldn't pass the civil
service business on geography an 'rith-
metic." "Too bad! What's he goin'
to do now?" Dunno. but reckon
he'll 60 back to teachin' schoolw-At-
lanta Constitution.
Judge-Prisoner at the bar, have you
anything further to state in your de.
tense? Prlsoner-No, your Honor; l
only ask you to deal with me MS you
would with yourself II you were in my
place.-Green Bag.
Bacon-When you are in the city drop
In and see me. Egbert-Why. 1 thought
your Office was on the eighteenth floor?
$50 it Is" "And you want ME to drop
In; do you suppose I'll be in a balloonY'
-Yonkers Statesman.
Dusty Roads, say, Weary, how did
you feel when that dog came at you?
Weary Waggles-I felt fattered that
even he was glad to see me; but en-
deavored to hide my feelings as much
as could.-Boston Transcript.
Shelves. it's all we'll enough to say
now you think I'm pretty. Yesterday
you said my nose turned up dreadful
~. He-Well, DEAR l was thinking it
shows mighty poor taste in backing
away from such lovely MOUTH
Golfers Weekly.
Prepared for Relatives-Husband (at
my! This is regular
of Delmonico. Fin
st spread I've seen in an age. What's
Up? Do you expect company? Wife
Jew York Weekly.
Wonder how Slower is doing
Griggs-Oh, lie must be
Icing finely; must be making no END
II money. You know he has always
,een troubled more or less with rheu'
natism. Well, he now calls 1t govt
Boston Transcript.
Used to Make Up: New Nurse
Please, mum. l can't do thing with
the baby. He cries all the time. Mis-
tress-Well, l declare! How stupid OF
me! His other nurses were colored
girls. You'll find some stove polish In
the kltchen.-New York Weekly.
Tom-You've been leaning against
whitewashed fence. haven't you? Dick
No; why? Tom--Your coat-tails are
covered with white dust. Dick-Sh!
I'm going to call on Miss Pechy; her
father, you know, keeps bulldog; that
white dust Is Observation-Disclosures
Press.
A Proud Papa: "This is my son
Frederick, Mr.. Fosdick." said Mr..
Chambers. proudly, introducing his
5-year-old boy to his caller. "Well'
Frederick" said the caller, do you
mind your mammal" Eyes, sir" re-
piled Frederick promptly, land SO does
papa."-Bazar.
All That Was Needed: Cassidy
Wudn't yez loike t live ON farm,
Pat? Casey-Oh, ut's tn only way t
live! Eff they only hod illivated roads,
cable cars, plinty av saloons. concert
halls. tinimint houses, dirt, noise, ana
polacemin on farm, Ord move on to
a farm o-morrow.-Judge.
Bad Form: Mrs. Highblower-Don't
forget, my dear, that in conversation
the interest must not be allowed to flag
Clara-But I'm sure do my best,
mamma. Mrs. HighblOwer-May be so;
but while the pianist was playing
thought, once or twice, that detected
YOU listening to him.-Llfe.
A mother was howing her dear little
Joe a picture Of the martyrs thrown tc
the lions. and was talking very solemn
" to him. trying to make him feel wha'
a terrible thing it was. "Ma." he said
suddenly, "oh. ma, just look at that lit
tie lion right behind there; he won't &c
y."-Cinclnnati Enquirer.
II wish you would read this article.
he said. whats it about!' she asked
ITS about the danger Of getting an
cry and it was written by n physician.
he replied. She looked Mt him SHARPLY
for a minute. "What have you bee
doing now?" she asked. "What kim
- ooufossion arp Won about [