The Saint Paul globe., 1900-05-27
SMART SHORT STORIES,

Klnd-hearted Clergyman was lately
compelled to dismiss a gardener who
USED to purloin his fruit and vegetables
FOR the sake Of his wife and family. he
gave them letter of recommenda ton
and this is how he worded it: 81 hereby
certify that A. B. has been my gardener
TOT over two years, and that during that
tlme ne got more out of my garden than
any man ever employed
John Lancaster, the comedian. was
sightseeing with a Tommy Atkins in
quebec one day, and they had as COM
panion and guide an old soldier When
Iney reached the Wolfe monument,
which is located on a historic SPOT Tom,
my said; ''Wot's this?' The qrida re-
piled: Eres Were a great 'ero fell -
Did hit 'urt imp" asked Tommy
Crt I'M replied the guide; wy hit
killed imr'
During a recent visit to Chicago. Dr.
! robert Collyer told how his mother had
heard him preach for the first time II,
her life at Leeds th:rty-fiye wears aeo
and walked proudly away from the
church on his arm. Looking fondly up
at him, SIZE said: I'm not sure. lad thai
! understood thy sermon this morning
and I'm not sure I would have believed
it if [ had. but make sure, lad. 7 he
lIeVe In Thee
An autograph-hunter, who was very
anxious to obtain the signature of the
poet Campbell. adopted the familiar STRAIT
agem. Having come across a line in one
OF his poems. the meaning of which an
peared to be obscure, he wrote a short
note to the author, asking MIN to inter
pret the words in question. He received
the following laconic reply: "Sir: In re-
turn to your note, I send you my auto
graph.-Thomas Campbell"
Richard Brinsley Sheridan was one dav
dining with Lord Thurlow, when his
lordship produced some fine Constantia
which had been sent him from the Cane
of Good Hope Sheridan, who saw the
bottle emptied with uncommon regret. set
his wits to work to get another Failing
In MS attempt. however. he turned to-
ward gentleman seated further down,
and said, Sir. pass me up that ,decanter;
for | must return to Madeira, since I
can not double the Cape"
During his last term as governor, "Bob"
Taylor, of Tennessee. in the great kind
ness of his heart, had pardoned so many
persons who had been imprisoned for
larcenies that had been brought about
by the poverty of the culprits that the
Pal llSdu papers dIJdSODlSJlc to MIN were
making his life miserable (says w. H
Visscher). One day an old negro nanny,
who had known the governor from his
childhood, came into his office and be-
gan at once to plead for the pardon of
her husband, who was then in prison.
Laws bress yO' life. Marse Bob" she
began. 'T wisht you'd pahdon dat po'
ole niggah Jim. He amt no good muffin
nowtar: he jest dat useless an trifiin',
even at home. dat he-carn 90 no mo-
den corter scrape aroun' an git little
sompen for we-all to eat, an he sholy
amt no good down dar In dat pen II
can't do 1t, Aunt Easter the governor
began; 81 am being abused every day.
What's Jim in there for?" he suddenly
asked seeing the little light that was
left dying out of the old woman's dappled
eyes ''W'y, Marse Bob. dey jes' put
him dar for muffin pom earth 'cept' ta-
kin one po' little ole ham outen Mr..
Smifs smoke-house, We was outen meat.
an de po ole niggah didn" do muffin
'cep' TEX de ham fur ter keep we1all fun
starvin'." .'WeH. now. suppose l should
pardon jim. what good would that do
you? He Is so onery and trifiing." the
governor was saying. when the old wo-
man broke In with this reply: wy
bress you. Marse Bob. we is outen meat
agin. an we.s jes' got 20 have anothah
ham