davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
olssuApEp FROM SUICIDE.
The Convincing Argument a Parson
Used With Telling Eject.


"An Arkansas country store keeper of
my acquaintance had bad attack of
melancholy about year ago." said a
New Orleans drummer, "and attempted
to commit suicide. He put pistol to
his head and pulled the trigger, but
the cartridge failed t. explode, and be-
fole he could try it again the weapon
was taken away. However, he swore
he would do the deed the first chance
he get, and he was no doubt really of
that intention when he was talked out
of it by little itinerant preacher who
was a reformed gambler. The argu-
ment used by the parson was so pecul-
lar and ingenious that it made a deep
impression en- my mind. You know
you would be dfad man. he said as
nearly as can remember, If ii wasn't
for the fact that there was a defective
cartridge under the hammer of your re-
volver. Now. defective cartridge is
a very unusual thing he went on.
They calculate at the mandatory
that there is possibly one to the quar-
ter million turned out. The chance of
that bad cartridge being in the boxful
that you bought for your gun was not
over enc to another quarter million,
the chance of your getting hold of II
when. you loaded was exactly 1 to 80,
and the chance of it being under the
hammer was ] to 5. That makes the
total odds to 500,055.'
''At that point the little preacher sud
denly Strengthened up, his eyes flashed
fire. his chest expanded and he shook
his forefinger under the storekeeper's s
nose. You miserable sinner he roar
ed. do you imagine for minute that
the Lord would have given you that
kind of odds and let you win out on
: the play If Ee hadn't got some good
and special use for your life? Don't
let me ever hear of you trying TO block
him AGAIN.
The would he suicide thought the
thing over and concluded that the par.
scn was right His melancholy prompt
~ disappeared. and the last time I saw
him he was bubbling over with cheer
fulness. He believes firmly he is q
man Of destiny" New Orleans Times
Democrat.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
r.".., Cad to yI-crre.

y gert.caa,l waa :t,;'ir;nG his pi-
.-ac,,T the ether aftt r'ioon. when be
h"i' j. = niious ''thud' and saw enc of
: iii~;:' dap from a window sill to
rilr ); and.
Turning round. the gentleman was
just in time ~ see small 10y in the
lane GrUp cAtnpGit and Jun.
After short chase the culprit was
caught.
"lou Young scoundrelr calculated
the angry owner of the pigeon. What
do you mean by coming and shooting
my birds?"
please. sir l didn't mean to do it,
whined the captive, Il didn't shoot
mt the pigeon"
Come, come" said the gentleman,
don't make matters worse. | saw the
bird fall. and if you did not aim at it
how came you to hit it,
please. sir" blubbered the boy. the
pigeon got in the way. IL was aim-
ing Mt the winder."-London Tit-Bits.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
sr Get Revenge.

Naw; amt working any more.
~ Inst me job said the diminutive
80 I when he was asked about it.
t''' st even, betcher life! | heard
- - 'aan telling feller that was
= I'd and that he was going to fire
- the end of the week lie said
- ar'.' thing could do was to sit on
III and balance ruler on the end
,:,y nose.
Null. when heard the old man say
'';'t he was going to fire me, lust laid
- 10 get even. And l did, betcher
-. There was a book agent what
| u been pestering the life out of the
y man. and he was expecting her to
Il again, so he made sneak and told
ilc to tell her when she called that he
lad gone west for good and wasn't
coming back.
We'll. just then his wife telephoned
tim that she was coming down to the
ot,ire to see him about something, and
he told me to tell her when she came to
take seat and wait for him.
We'll. | saw my chance to get even,
~ " hCh lhc oOOh agent CulHe III L IOlu
her that the old man had left word for
TT to wait for him. Then when his
aife blew in. l told her that the old
'rH Lad gone west and left word for
'"r that she needn't expect to see him
an
C,prusalem. Maybe you think the
Hi'.* didn't fly then. l waited till
.:m fireworks were over, then wrote
rut ne resignation. balanced the ruler
~ ne nose for the last time and left"
sioit Free lrress
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
ALL HONOR TO PARSLEY.
Curious Folklore and History Con.
corning This Common Herb.

Curious Folklore and History Con-
-F corning This Common Herb.
Some quaint ideas have lowered
around that familiar garden herb and
dish adorner, parsley. In England,
DeYonshire folk declare that parsley
must never be transplanted or great
evil will follow. Suffolk people say 1t
will not come up double unless sown
on Good Friday-a notion that expert
rnents might surely soon have disprov-
ed-while ancient dwellers in Hamp-
parsley away. Ask them for roses lilies,
fruit or rare vegetables, and basket
fuls will be gladly bestowed on you,
but request few sprigs of parsley and
you will be told. with solemn shaking
Of heads. mo, we never pick parsley
for any one, unless it's paid forr'
The great historian Plutarch relates
an interesting anecdote on the subject
of this herb. Timoleon was leading an
army against the Cartha ginians. But
as he was ascending hill from the
top of which the enemy's camp and all
their vast forces would be in sight, he
met some mules laden with parsley,
and his men took 1t into their heads
that it was a bad omen becau@ we
usually crown the sepulcher with pars-
ley, and thence comes the proverb with
regard to one that is dangerously Ill,
Such a one has need of nothing but
parsley To deliver them from this
superstition and to remove the panic
Tlmoleon ordered the troops to halt,
and making n speech suitable to the
occasion. observed among other things
that crowns were brought them before
the victory and offered themselves of
their own accord. For the Corinthians
from all antiquity have looked upon a
wreath of parsley as sacred, crowning
the rictors with it at the isthmian
games" The general then crowned
himself and all his officers with pars-
ley wreaths, and led his men to bat
tie. their fears conquered, the result
being a decisive victory. - Chicago
Times Herald.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
Sure Enough.

A busy merchant who had not taken
a vacation for years, in which time ev-
cry other member of his family had ell
jcycd an annual outing, concluded to
give himself rest of a week or two
and started fer the mountains.
When about days journey from
home. he received telegram from his
wife to this effect:
DEAR FFASK-Our house was entirely destroyed
BY FIRE last night. The children and / escaped
unharmed. Come home at MARIA.
To this. after rejecting a moment, he
replied as follows:
DEAR NABIA-What is the use OF coming home
when there is no home to come to9 Take the
children to mothers. stay there with them till
join you and don't worry. Affectionately,
FRANK.
Youths Companion,
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
A Remarkable Raiiroad.

One of the most remarkable railroads
In the United States is that which runs
from -FabyaD, at the foot of Mount
Washington, to the summit a distance
of 3.3S miles. The time required in
making the ascent is one and one-half
hours, which is at the rate of mile
in % minutes. The descent is made in
the same time The fare is 81 for the
round trip, or at the rate of 60 cents
a mile No other road in the world
charges quite so much and few run
trains at speed quite so slow. About
5000 passengers are carried annually.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
The Lie Eternaf.

A little girl came in her nightclothes
very early to her mother one morning,
saying, (Which is the worst, mamma,
to tell lie or stealT' The mother re-
piled that both were SO sad she
couldn't tell which was worse. well. u
said the little one, I've been thihAing
a good deal about it. and I've conclud-
cd it's worse to lie than to steal. IL
you steal a thing, you can take it back,
less you've eaten II, and If you've eat
TN it you can pay for 1t. Bnt'-and
there was look of awe in the little
face-"a lie is forever."-New York
Tribune.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
The Funnie.t stnrxi

Sir Wilfrid Laurier once said that he
considered the following the funniest
story in the world. Do you agree with
him?
A gentleman was once being taken
over an idiot asylum. He asked an at.
tendant how they knew when an idiot
was considered to be sufficiently restor-
ed to sanity to be discharged.
oh" said the attendant, cit is easily
managed. We take them into a yard
where there are several troughs. We
turn on the taps and then give the
idiots buckets to bail out the water
and empty the troughs. Many of the1l
go on bailing away while the tap keeps
running, but them that isn't idiots
stops the tap"
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
Mount SIarer.

Mount Marcy. the highest mountain
In the Adirondacks. is very uneasy,
with volcanic tendency. This mountain
Is one of the curiosities of the Adiron-
hack section. and it is said to be the
first mountain in the world to have re-
eeivcd the cooling breezes after the
chaos period. and TO this fact is attrib-
uted the continued salubrity of the air
and general hcalthfulness of the Adj
rondlck mountains.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
Mutual necoenition.

BLESS my soul!' explained the man
with the iron gray beard, cordially ex-
lending his hand Amt you the tow
headed boy that used to worry the life
put of me - years ago. lack in old
Chemung county. hy climbing my or
rhard fence and stealing my applcsT
IF you're the Internally mean and
stingy old hunks who owned that or
chard and used to set your dog on any
boy who came within half a mile of it,
[ am" replied The younger man. grasp
Ing the pref .icfi ha"d and shaking it
heartily. Chieago Tribune.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
To Re Concise,

Young man." said the editor to the
budding journalist who brought him a
column story which could have been
.old better in ten lines. when q man
discovers his house is ablaze he doesn't
90 to the window and tell the passers-
oy that half an hour ago what threat
sned to be a terrible conflagration
broke out In the upper story of the pa.
Iatial mansion occupied by Mr.. Jere.
niah Dickens He simply rushes to
he front and shouts 'Firer Be con-
.ise, young man."
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
Not His.

The drill instructors face turned
scarlet with rage as he rated a raw
Irish recruit for his awkwardness.
"Now, Rafferty,, you'll spoil the line
with those feet. Draw them back in
stantly, man, and get them In linew
Rafferty's dignity was hurt
"Plaze, sargint," he drawled solemn
ly, they're not mine; they're Micky
Doolan's, IN the rear rankr'
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
Little Lucx,s Prayer.

One evening little Lucy knelt to lisp
her evening prayer. Her little heart
was bursting with self satisfaction
she had been so exemplary all through
the day. 80 Lord" she said, make
ME very good, even better than am"
Many an older person thinks this
prayer If he does not dare to put 1t
Into words.-Oswego Times.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
Sn II D0Aa.

An old gentleman when passing lit
tie boy selling newspapers at street
corner remarked:
"Are you not afraid you will catch
cold Oh such wet night. my little
man?"
''Oh, no." replied the boy; selling
newspapers keeps up the circulation,
sir,n
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
An Inference.

Il just know she is ten years older
Than she admits" said the woman with
the sharp nose,
"Hows' asked the other half of the
duo
why would she be letting that 16-
year-old kid make love to her if she
were as young as she pretends PIN
lianapolis Press.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
The Doctors Hint.

Patient-Doctor. can't sleep at
right. tumble and toss until morn
ing.
Doctor-H'm. that's bad. Let me see
your tongue. tAfter diagnosis Physic-
ally you are all right. Perhaps you
worry over that bill you've owed me
for the last two years!
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16

Snakes of all sizes abound In the Su-
matra iungles. Monster lizards are
there. measuring six and seven feet
The house lizard is about l2 inches
long and makes noise like the bark
Of q tov terrier
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16

ing the following symptoms: SailoW counts-
nance, dark spots under the eyes, pain in the
nead. ringing in the ears, loss of confidence.
VI uiinueIce IN approaching strangers, palpitatien
loss OF memory, pimples on the face, coughs.
DR GlbBON has practiced in San Francisco
over 81 years, and those troubie5 shanid MT
Iall 70 consult him and receive the benefit Of
ms great skill and experience. The doctor
cures wnen others fail. Try him. Cures guar
anteed. Persons cured at home CHARGES 41eas
enable. Call or write.
= DIR. J. F. GIBBoN, 6a5 Kearney street, San
Francisco Cal
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
III, Guarantees.

Gee whiz! That blamed watch is
stopped again! What an awful liar
that jeweler isr'
whats the matter?''
81 left the thing for him to fix. He
charged me 50 and said 1t would work
like charm now"
"Well, he doubtless meant a watch
charm. m."-Philadelphia Press.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
A Green Hand,

He was a new freis cit handler.
Load those barrels in that car" or
dered the freight agent.
"Oi can't load barrels in that car
sor," responded the new man.
why notY' -..---
"It's box car, sor." Chicago News.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
Proved.

He-Do you think your father has
any idea that we are in love?
She-Not the remotest He told me
he didn't mind your coming to see me.
Detroit Free Press.
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
Her RRnVr

The Husband (sourly)-You ought to
know better how to use money
The Wife (sweetly)-Perhaps l could
learn If | had little more to practice
with-Puck
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16

The Adirondack mountains embrace
an area Of over 100000 acres, and In
this area fully 300 mountain peaks rise
to attitudes ranging from 1,200 to 5000
feet. .,
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
TO THE UNFORTUNATE.
DIR. GIBBoN
This old rols.,tu

This old reliable and
themost successful spe-
cialist in San Francis
co ostillchntinues to cure
all Sexual and Seminal
DiseaSes,such as Ghon-
orrhea, elect, Structure,
Syphilis in all it's forms
Skin Diseases, Nervous
De bility, ImpOtency,
Seminal Weakness, and
Amador ledger., 1900-11-16
GOING
TO
MEXICO
?

The Southern Pacific Company will run q
Special Train Of Pullman Sleeping Cars from
San Francisco to the City of Mexico, leaving on
Wednesday. November 14th, and passing Los
Angeles on the following day.
The round trip rate from San Francisco will
be $50; from Los Angeles $40, and proportionate
rates from other points.
1t is calculated that the excursion will re-
quire about 30 days, but tickets will be good for
90 days. so that those who wish may prolong
their visit Very complete arrangements are
provided for side trips Mexico is famous for
its strange, quaint and curious attractions but
unfortunately not all of them are found on the
main avenues of travel. They can be visited at
small cost and should not be omitted.
The Excursion will be in charge of VIM H.
Mention, Excursion Passenger Agent of the
Southern Pacific, who is familiar with Mexico,
speaks its language, and will cheerfully give
all desired information to inquirers Go and
see or address him at 6lS Market Street, San
Francisco. Cal, or
Inquire of M. W. GORDON, AGENT s. P.
CO. AT lone DEPOT.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1900-11-20
THE CANAL BILL ,l

Reference was made recently to the
Nicaragua canal project, but without
giving the terms of the canal bill which
passed the house at its last session.
That bill is a special order in the ser
ate on Dec. 10 next. Among other pitJs
visions it authorizes the secretary
war to construct fortifications for
/ defense of the canal. The pending tire.
contains no such provision. but Was
ington advices indicate that it may q.
20 amended. It is said. too, that, so f,s4
as ths treaty is concerned, the admins
@tration wishes for its ratification witt,
out amendment. It agrees that mo ~
stifications shall be erected commando.
the canal or waters a jacent." Membe...
spf the committee on foreign relations
gHho llrst favored Immediate ratification
Aaeenled II wiser to postpone action IN
q ~ pf no evident sentiment in favor
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1900-11-20

vested beyond their capital and are In
distress. Money ID very scarce and q
crisis 10 threatened. Such Lesson as
this ought to be useful to our own
country and to every other nation. It
is necessary to preserve the equalities
between production in one direction and
excessive production in another TO keep
the farms going while the shops are
running.
Prof. skeat thinks he has discovered
the origin OF the word dude in a Ger
man dialect word "duden-kopf, a
blockhead, which found its way into
English thru .dawdle" and "doddy.
If a human life can be measured in
money, Mrs. Florence Pullman Lowden,
of Chicago. is the most valuable woman
in the world. BY policies recently placed
she Is Insured for s25o,ooo. the heaviest
insurance carried BY a woman. IT Is
said.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1900-11-20

the police force generally he's been
often impugned. Preclsely che same
sthinqD have happened dn Fail River
the only other city where tlle system
has been introduced.
The most thorough trial OF this plan
has been made in the state OF Kansas.
After the prohibitory amendment to-
the state constitution was adopted in
1880 great difficulty was experienced In
enforcing the law against the sale Of
liquor in cities. The prohibit ionists
asked for and got more and more
stringent statutes, but these were en-
forced no better by the local author
tiles. AT last they persuaded the legis-
slature to pass law under which the
control of the police force was taken
from the local authorities and given to
ernor of police commissioners: and
they applied the new rule to the cities
generally. A partisan movement in
Kansas, as in Massachusetts, inclined
the republican politicians. to favor this
scheme. Some of the cities went demo-
cratic, while in those days the repub-
licans controlled the state government.
One republican governor after another
tried to enforce the new law. but none
was ever successful. In 1892 the popu-
lists carried the state and under the
police commissioners named by the ex-
ecutive then elected by that party the
saloon business in the cities was con-
Quoted openly. In 1894 another republi-
can governor was elected and he made
an effort to enforce the law, but 1t was
only temporary and spasmodic. AS
time went on sensible men in all the
cities, without regard to party, grew
more and more bitterly opposed 20 the
whole idea CT police commissions
named at the state capital. At last
public sentiment turnout Kansas de-
manded and secured the repeal OF the
law and the system of governing cities
from the state capital, with all of its
abuses and scandals, was brought to an
end.
The democratic politicians of Mis-
souri, learned the lesson which their re-
publican brethren in Kansas had
taught. Their state government was
always democratic. but of late years
the chief city has gone republican. The
police force Of ST. Louis was prize
which the democratic state machine
could not bear to see in republican
hands. So the last legislature was per-.
.suaded to pass a law taking the control.
Of the police from the authorities and
giving 1t to board appointed by the
governor The new system has been
in operation more than a year and II
has been fruitful in extravagances,
a buses and scandals of every sort. The
people of ST. Louis are today flied with
against the consequences
LII state interference with their local
goSernment.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1900-11-20
HOPEFUL Aspects IN The PalLlpplhEs.

Gen. Macarthur, in his report upon
& the campaign in the Philippines, makes
some observations that indicate a
breadth Of view and soundness Of judg-
ment above and beyond the mere mill
tary features OF the situation. He points
long-continued agitation, most of it
conducted under the auspices Of such
eelf-seekers as Agunaldo, the people
would gladly accept the liberty and Sc
curity that this country offers them.
The Filipinos, says Gen. Macarthur,
ARE not a warlike or ferocious people.
Left to themselves, a large number of
them would gladly accept American SUI
premacy, which they are gradually COM
ing to understand alSsns individual lib
erty and absolute security in their lives
and property. They have been mad
dened, however, during the past five
years by rhetorical sophistry and stimu-
lants applied to national pride until
the power of discriminating in matters
ofpublic concern or private interest has
been almost entirely suspended. As a
substitute for all other considerations
the people seem to be actuated by the
idea that In all doubtful matters of
politics or war, men are never nearer
right than when going With their own
kith and kin, regardless of conse-
quences.'
Speaking of the republican form of
government which this government is
trying to establish, he says:
In the light of existing conditions il
is difficult to realize that there is any
possibility of such a future for the
Islands, especially so as at present and
for many years to come the necessity of
a large American military and naval
force is too apparent to admit of discus
sion. On the other hand, however. there
are many encouraging conditions to
sustain such a conviction. For exam
pie, in the Philippines there is no dy-
nasty to destroy, no organized system ut
feudal laws to eradicate, no principles
inconsistent With republicanism, Which
had solidly insinuated themselves into
the national life, to diSplace, no adverse
aspects of nature to overcome. On the
contrary, nature, which is eXuberant,
balmy and generous. has snourished into
existence several millions of sensitive
and cerdulous people, without allegiance
to any existing Institutions. but ant
mated by certain inchoate ideas and as
pirations, which by some unfortunate
perversion of thought they conceive 10
be threatened by America These peo-
pie. fortunately, are intelligent, gener-
ous and flexible, and probably will yielG
quickly and with absolute confidence &
tuition and advice when thoroughly in
formed of American Institutions an,
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1900-11-20
WOMEN AS LAWYERS.

II 1t be assumed that the advanced
woman is the coming woman, and that
che s to be sustained in her entry int
many of thesvocations of life from which.
she has hitherto been excluded then
she has gained a notable victory. This
there are many old-fashipned people
Who believe that woman's sphere5is al
most exclusively in the home, and that
what in any way intereferea With the
hone and motherhood is menace to
that home and to the nation. However
this may be, the victory she has gained
tending over five years. the French sas-
ate has finally passed bill which long
ago passed the chamber of deputies, al
lowing women lawyers TO plead in the
French courts. If she is permitted to
enter other professions. Why not here9
Woman is more generally gifted with
speech than her fellow man. Her i,1tui-
tions are keerer, and. if she We're guided
by lofty intentions, her ntuitions would
reach the goal Of just conclusion while
tardy logic was threading its waysto the
front. In a plea where justice and hu-
mainly We're involved she would be the
peer OF any man.
But there are women and women:
There would be hosts that would miss
their calling, just as hundreds of men
struggle along at the tail end of the ie-
gal profession, and like necessity hang
on because they know no law. Imagine
q class Of this kind, guided by their pre-
JUDGES. It would be necessary to ex-
clude women from the jurias in such
cases Imagine a woman jury with rea-
son and Justice thrown to the winds.
deciding a case because the sister advo-
cate had her hair done up horribly or
was dressed wretchedly- the T.-R.
forbears. II gives this mere hint Of
what might follow. Fearing that it may
get into deep water or invoke the wrath
OF the new woman of the baser sort ii
draws curtain over the suggestive pic
sture.