The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1900-02-25

yon thurly dauntless Britions to ixicute
such manoover, tin Beers ARMED with
pop bottles bein' now considered tn excl
iv brigade. What / wud do II / was
Butler an thank hivin I'm not. wud Be
TO move me ARMY in half an hour over N.
high but aisily accessible mountains to tn
right iv crownjoy's forces, an. takin' OF
me shoes so he cuddent hear thin squeak.
creep up behind tn Dutch an lam their
heads of. Afther this stroke 'twud IA
aisy FIR to get tn forces Nv Fr-rinch. Cat
acre, Methoon an Winston Churchin to-
either some afthernoon. invite tn inimy 10
a band concert. surround an massacre
thin. This adroit move cud be ixicuted II
Roberts wud ony make use Nv tn ixcillint
bus service between Hokesmith an Nike
smith. 1t is extraordinary that tn gin'ral
on tn groun has not seen tn possibilities
so apparent at distance
That's wan kind iv war expert. Hin
Missy. Another kind is tn wan that gives
it good to tn gover-mint. Says william
McGlue. war expert Nv tn London Mornin'
Growl. who's supposed to be cheek be jowI
with Lord Wolseley: 'England's greatness
is slippin' away. tn failure iv tn COVER
mint 10 provide a well-equipped. thruly
pathriotic ARMY Nv Beers TO carry on this
war undher tn leadership Nv gallant Joo-
bert is goin' TO be our roonation. We ARE
betrayed be lazy. effete. side-whiskered
golf-playin' gover-mint that wud rather
lose this fight thin win IL because they
ARE tired iv holdin' Office. What can be
said FIR public men so lost TO shame that
they spell kopje with &C" an ar-re sindin'
Englishmen TO tn ends ~ tn wurruld to
fight FIR England? Down with thim-
well, sir. It's great thing FIR coun-
thry to have tn likes iv Thin ar-round TO
direct manoovers that d be gatherin' dust
on tn shelf if tn gin-rals had their say.
an to prove to tn wurruld that tn Eng
lish ARE not frivolous. excitable people
like us an the Frinch. but can take batin'
without losin' their heads
Sure" said Mar. Hennessy, tits not
thin that does tn fightin'. tn la-ads with
tn guns has that job"
WELL" said Mr.. Dooley, ''theyse two
kinds Nv fightin'. TIL experts wants tn
ARMY to get into Pretoria dead or alive,
an tn sojers wants 70 get in alive. I'm no
military expert. Hinnissy. I'm too well
known. But / have me own opinyon on tn
war. All this talk about tn rapid-fre gun
an modhern methods iv warfare makes me
wondher. They'se not so much diff renee
between war now an war whin 1 was kid
as they let on. TIL gun that shoots we
best firm distance don't shoot We so well
close to. A pile Nv mud is a pile ~ mud
just tn IL within Gin-ral
Grant was pokin' ar-round. II tn British
can get over tn mud pile they win tn
fight. If they can't they're done. That's
all they'se to IL. Mos men. strongest
backs best eyes an tn ownership iv tn
mud piles. That's war, Hinnissy. TIL Brit
ish have tn men. They're shy Nv backs.
eyes an mud piles. an they will be until
they larn that sheep-herdin' an gin-ralship
ar-re diff rent things. an fill up their ARMY
with men that ARE not fightin' f'r money
or glory, but because they want to get
home to their wives alive"
"Ye talk like an oil book" said Mr.. Hen
messy in disgust. Eye, with ye're maun-
dhrin'. ARE no betther thin thin expert
la-ads."
We'll. anyhow said Mr. Dooley
thoughtfully, eth expert is sarvin' a USE
full purpose. TIL pa-apers says tn rapid
fire gun'll make war in tn future impos-
sible L don't think that. but ] know tn
expert will"