The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1900-03-25

Wanst man whit out an died FIR his
country, now they sind him out an
lyddite dyes him. What do L name? IT'S
joke L made. I'll not eXplane 1t to We.
Ye wudden't understand 1t. It's FIR tn
eddycated classes.
How they's liver gofn to get min to
hGht afther this coulden't tell ye Twas
bad enough in tn oil days whin all that
happened to a sOjer was bein' pini-
thTated be large r-round COB Nv solder
or stuck up on tn end Nv q baynft be a
careless inimy. But nowadays. they
nave tn bullet that whin 1t enthers va
TURNS around like tn screw fy q pro-
peller, an another wan that We might
say goes in be a key-hole an comes
out through window, an another that
mas time fuse in 1t an doesn't come
out at all, but stays in We, an mebbe
tWlnty years afther Whin we've frgot
all ABOUT 1t an ARE settin' at home
with yeer family, bang! away 1t goes an
we with 1T, carryin' away half iv tn roof
Thin they have guns as long az firm
mere to tn rollin' mills that fires shelly
as big as thrunk. TIL shells ARE load
ed like Doctors bag an have all kinds
iV things in thin that won't do a bit iv
good to man or beast. If q sojer has a
weak back there's something in tn shell
that removes weak back; If his head
throubles him, he can lose it; If tn odher
Nv V1lets Is distasteful to him tn shell
smothers him in vilet powdher They
nave guns that amy boy or girl who
Knows tn typewriter can wurruk an
they have other guns on tn music box
plan, that We wind up an go away an
lave an they annoy amy wan that comes
along. They nave guns that bounces I'D
out iv hole In tn groun', fires mill
yon shells a minyit an dhrops back FIR
another load. They have guns that fire
dlnnym1te an guns that fire tn hateful.
sickly green lyddite that makes tn ini
my look like fiat money an guns that
Ilre canned beef f'r tn inlmy an dis
temper powdher FIR tn inimy's horses.
An they have some guns that shoot
straight"
Wen. thin" Mr.. Hennessy grumblad.
III wundher to me that with all thin
Inlngs they amt more people kilt Sure.
Gin raj Grant lost more men in wan dav
thin tn British have lost in four months.
an all he had to keep tab on was OF
fashioned bullets an big, bouncin iron
balls"
'Thrue," said Mr.. Dooley. 1T don't
know tn reason, but it mus be that tn
betther gun a man has tn more ha
thrusts tn gun an tn less no thrusts
himsilf He stays away an shoots. Fie
says to himself he says: They'se nav
thin f'r me to do he says, but load up
me little lyddite cannon with tn green
SCSNS eli1 sSL mere d. III OfSdnb ne says,
pull out tn stops an paint tn town iv
Pretoria green he says. But. he says.
ON sicond thought, suppose tn inimy
shud hand it back to me?' he says
'Twud be uncomfortable he says. So
he says, IN JUS move me music
back mile, he says, an peg
away, an tn longest gun takes tn
persimmons he says. It's this way: If
We an L fall out an take rifles to each
other tbs tin to wan noyther iv us gets
clost enough to hit. If we take pistols,
tn odds is rayjooced. If We take swords
l may get hack at We. but If We take
half-Nelson lock It's even money have
ye'er back broke befure tn polls comes
Il can see in me mind tn day whin ex-
plosives II. be so explosive an guns III
shoot so far that ony tn folks that stays
at home II be kilt, an. life insurance
agents II be advisin people to go into
tn ARMY. / can so. Ills thrue what
Hogan says about it,
whats that?" Mr.. Hennessy asked.
9TH nation" said Mr.. Dooley, that
fights with couplin' pin extinds its Dor
oilers at tn cost iv tn nation that fights
with clothes pole"