Daily Kennebec journal., 1900-10-06

has a headachel: Yes, but you must
be very. very quiet" Tommy: "All
right; Wen pretend We don't adver-
tse"
Mrs. Blimber is very nervous about
there being thirteen at table tonight"
Does she think something unpleas
ant will happen"
Yes; she only has a dozen knives
and forks
Thinking Of Golf-"You have great
drives in Chicago" said the Eastern
cousin, gazing down Grand boulevard
Certainly" responded the Evanston
Golf Club member, "and ii is because
we have the greatest players. -
Chicago News.
Out of Dates.-Mr Gaswell. Il Won
der why Minister Congers messages
are all undated. Do you suppose he
omits the date TO save cable tolls
Mrs. Gaswell. No, l don't. It's my
opinion those Chinese Boxers have
stolen his alendar.-Pittsburg Chron
icle Telegraph.
Cora.-..Dont you think Brownins's
poetry is very condensed?'
Merritt apparently. 1t takes
about three volumes of notes to explain
each volume OF poetry. Judge.
Boggs-"Has Professor Litewate
made public his startling discovery
relative 10 the Chinese question:"
Noggs.-''Yes. He told me today
that he had been engaged for a week
making scientific calculations. and he
! has made the important discovery that
if the queues of all the Chinese fight
ing men We're tied together, they would
encircle the earth ten times. .-Phila
delphia Inquirer.
Dolly. if you keep on spending
money this way Wen have to go to
the poorhouse.' We'll. If we DO. Jack.
Wen have a lot OF nice things 10 take
with us."-ChicaGo Record.
Old Stepenfetchit has got the idea
that Dilemma Is the name Of saloon.
1t is the horns that have got into his
head. They often have done that be
fore-Boston Transcript.
rs Georgiana sympathizing
friend?" We'll. when she praises
anything l wear she does it in a way
| which makes me feel that everything
| usually wear is simply hideous. In
dianapolis Journal
on the Inside Track
| Brides horses never win. do they
Tipper-"Never
Then how does he make so much
money
Bets agin' 'em.''-N. y. Weekly.
Worst Yet-The Coquette.-"I have
given the mitten to seven different
men"
The Idiot-'It must have kept you
busy hitting, eh?'
oh" she said. Il had such A terri
BILE dream last night. 1t seemed that |
Rad suddenly been deprived somehow
of the power to move. All my limbs
were paralyzed and | lay right in the
path of an automobile that l could sec
coming toward me at a terrible rate
of speed. with the lamps at the sides
blazing like two eyes of some terrible
monster had just given myself up
for lost when" Yes ne interrupt
ed. then you woke up. But that isn
the important part Of it. BY your ex-
perience we know that the horseIess
nightmare has arrived n, hlcasP
Times Herald.
Morton-Strange happening at inc
police station this morning.
Horton-What was it?
Morton-Deaf and dumb man was
arrested and given a hearing
Miss Bright" said the young man
whose speech was not altogether pol
ished. kin | see yer home?
..Certainly.' she replied. you can
sea II most any time you pass that
way
Teacher-"What's the meaning OF
elocution.' Harold?'
Pupil-"Its the way people are put
to death in some states
The Mean Thing-Maud-Some impu-
dent fellow kissed me by mistake
Maud-After dark last night.
Mabel thought so.-Cleveland fiai"
Dealer.
"Jaysmith is a sharp man. said Bio
~ Should use the comparative degree
instead of the positive" said Spatts'
"How's that" =.
Il should cali him sharper. Chicago
Chronicle.
What are all these people along the
shore and in the boats doing" asked the
waist. . ..
They seem to be dragging the river
replied the interested masculine oosefN-
, Good land, Does the river run 50
slowly that it has to be pulled along?
Chicago Tribune.
The Soap-Huw do you stand in pol-
tics? ~
The Sponge--Tm an expansionist.-chi-
cago Record.
She-Mr Jngles writings show 2 great
deal OF imagination, don't you thinK!
He-Yes, they show that he imasines ne
can write poetry.-Philadelphia Press
Mr.. Knov.sitt-A thunderstorm Is val
liable sanitary agent 1t purites things
generally.
Mr.. Seeit-That's so. When We had the
last one the lightning struck a glue Iac-
tory and three Chinese restaurants.-Bai-
timore American
Willie she exclaimed severely why
did you go to the jam jar while 4 was
out?'
But Willie had taken his lesson from
Mahomet and the mountain.
Because the jam jar wouidn come 10
me. he answered promptiy-ohicago
Post.