Mohave County miner., 1900-05-05
As the Devil Would Do.

The editor of the Atchison Champion
concluded he would have his paper run
for week as the devil would run it.,
and wrote to various prominent men
over the state for their opinions as to
how they thought his Satanic Majesty
would handle the job. Among those
who answered was Ex-Governor John
P. st. John, VINO said:
~ have received yours of the 29th
ult., asking me to give my opinion as
to How the devil would run newspa-
per- and in reply thereto desire first
to congratulate you on your excellent
Judgment in selecting me to answer
that question, for my familiarity with
his Satanic Majesty enables me to im-
part to you lot of information that
the ordinary pious man knows but lit.
tie about.
"The first thing the devil would do
would be to write salutatory. He
He would give it an intense religious
tone. He would shout for 'Old Glory,
and scream for liberty, and pitch into
the Mo.mons, but would not say u
word about the thousands of slaves,
and our government salaried sultan
lection OF the American flag on the Is
land of sulu. He would openly favor
blmetalllsm, ana secretly work to put
the government on a single gold stand
ard. He would tax LOUD aud long
about the peoples money' but place
them at the mercy of the national
banks to get it. He would declare
that the CuUans "were aud Vi r.snt
ought to be free ana then refuse them
fraud, and then send word To the can
ners of rotten beef To clean up aud get
ready to be whltewaehed. ne wuuIa
stand quietly by, ana without even ID
protest see the orgaulzeu trusts roo
the people OF hundreds VI millions AN
nually, and call II prosperity. he would
advocate the levyIng OF hlgh tarIu
tax on the poor mans food aud ciuIn'
ing, aud tell him 1t was protection. he
We were burning negroes at The stake,
and punching their eyes out with red
hot irons, here In our own country, but
would make his columns speak Ia
thunder tones LII favor of sending our
soldiers eight Thousand miles from
home to shoot our civilization anu
Milwaukee beer luto the kIuplnUs.
In desperate frenZIed effort VI ID
power.di monarchy whlcn has been ii
to crush by brute force a brave people
In South Africa who are struggling, as
our torefathers struggled tour genera.
tions ago for the rlgnt OF seif.govern-
nent, the devil wouiu be on the side
of the monarchy, aud gloat over the
downfall of the republic. ne wouiu
take his position III MS newspaper that
by the providence OF God, Puerto Rico
was the property of the United States,
and that her people were our people,
aud by this same divine providence,
and by cry of benevolent assimilation
and to Impress upon the Puerto kicans
the lesson, that Whom the Lord loveth
he chasteneth.' he would put a fifteen
per cent tariff on the products of their
labor. He would indulge in long pray.
ers for temperance, and editorially
wink at the Klondike Jointists to close
up during the dull season, but throw
their doors wide open again just before
the veterans next pay day. He would
stand for Mckinley and bitterly de.
nounce Bryan, and finally his Satanic
Majesty would make will, in which
he would provide, that IN case of his
death or removal from the United
States. his newspaper should be turned
over to Mark Hanna"