The times., 1899-08-20


these silver.tongued ones turned themselves loose
| and kicked. They ransacked the clouds OF sun
| set, the ihunderbolts OF heaven, the depths OF
| he'll, and the splendors of the resurrection for
| tropes and metaphors and hurled the result at
the head OF the guest Of the evening Never
| since the morning stars sang together for Joy,
| / learned had an amazed creation witnessed such
| superhunan bravery as that displayed by the the
American Navy in the Samoan cyclone. Till
earth roted in the phosphoreseent star-and-strlpe
shine of decayed universe that God-lke gal
| lantry would not be forgotten. sat be-
wildered a coruscating Niagara of-blather-
I-umskitei
But why is not an American hero as
worthy of extraordinary rhetoric as a But
ton punch? That is what the average read
er would like TO know.
Then there is a chapter about salmon
fishing and one about Canada, in which,
curiously, the young Englishman seems not
TO have found the crudeness characteristic
of the nation just across the line. Later
he returned to this country and encounter
ed party of what he calls possibly with
malice aforethought, "Rayment" excur-
sionists. They were celebrating the Fourth
of July, and this is what the author of the
Song of the English says of them:
What amazed me was the calm with which
these folks gathered together and commenced TO
belaud their noble selves, their country, and their
''institootions' and everything else that was
theirs. The language was, to these bewildered
ears wild advertisement, gas, bunkum, blow, any
thing else you please beyond the bounds of eom-
mon sense. An archange selling town lots on
the CLASSY Sea, would have blushed 10 the tips
of his wings to describe his property in simi-
lar terms.
Later he encountered another visiting
Englishman, who found fault with Ameri-
ca. whereupon our late critic says that he
defended us after this manner:
.'Let there be no misunderstanding about the
matter. 1 love this People, and il any con-
temptuous criticism has 10 be done, will do
it myself. My heart has gone out to them be-
tond all other peoples, and for the life OF me
/ cannot tell why. Their government S
provincial; their laws the notion Of the mo-
ment; their railways are made OF hairpins and
matcl.-sticks, and most of their good luck lives
in their woods and mines and rivers and not in
their brains; but for all that, they be the big
gest, finest, and best people on the surface OF
the globei Just you wait a hundred years and
see how they'll behave when they've had the
screw put on them, and have forgotten few
of the patriarchal teachings OF Mister George
Washington. Wait till the Anglo American Ger
man-Jew-the Man OF the Futire-is properly
equipped. He'll have just the least little kink
in his hair now and again; he'll carry the
English lungs above the Teuton feet, that can
walk forever, and he will wave long, thin, bon
ny Yankee hands, with the big blue veins on
| the wrist, from one end OF the earth TO the
|
| atist, specially dramatist, that the world, as
il recollects itself, has ever By virtue of
his Jew blood-iust little, little drop-he'il be
a musician and painter, too. At present there
is too much balcony and too little Romeo in
the life-plays of his fellow-citizens. Later on,
when the proportion is adjusted, and he sees
the possibilities OF his land, he will produce
things that will make the effete East stare.
He will also be complex and highly composite
administrator There is nothing known TO man
that he will not be, and his country will sway
the world with one foot, as man tits a see
saw planki"
but this is worse than the Eagle at its worst.
DO you seriously believe all ihati'' said the Eng
lshman.
IF l believe anything seriously, all this ]
most firmly believe You wait and see. Sixty
million people, chiefly OF English instincts, who
are trained from youth to believe that nothing
is impossible, don't slink through the centuries
like Russian peasantry. They are bound 10 leave
their mark somewhere, and don't you forget it,
This mingling of emotions is no. only
perplexing, it is maddening. 1t gives rise
to a query whether strange mixed drinks
imbibed in the West had startling effect
on the young man from India, or whether
this is merely the natural result Of Ameri-
can ozone taken too suddenly by an ardent
and patriotic Briton.
In Omaha, Mr.. Kipling found a shop. the
like of which he had never seen. 1t may
be added that many native Americans
would be as surprised and unhappy at the
revelations of that shop as was he. Hence
it may be well to quote his description Of
1t:
In the doorway sat young man reading Pol
lok's Course Of Time, and by that ] knew that
he was an undertaken. His name was Gring, which
is beautiful name and ! talked to him the
mysteries OF his craft. He enthusiast
and artist ] told him how corpses were
burnt in India. Said he, .We're vastly superior.
We hold-that is TO say embalm-our dead. Soi''
Whereupon he produced the horrible weapons OF
his trade, and most practically showed me how
you held a man back from that corruption
which is his birthright." And ] wish | could
live few generations Just 10 see how my people
keep. But I'm sure it's all right. Nothing can
touch 'em after Pye embalmed en-" Then he
displayed one OF those ghastly dress suits, and
when / laid shuddering hand upon II, behold
it crumpled to nothing, for the white linen was
sewn on to the black cloth and-there no
| hack 10 il! That the horror. The garment
| was a shell 'We dress a man in that" said
Gring, laying il out lastly on the counter. AS
you see here, caskets have plate glass win
dow in 'front.' (Oh me, but that window in the
| cofin fitted with plush like brougham
windowD '.and You don't see anything below
the level OF the mans waisteoat Consequent
ly--'' He unrolled the terrible cheap black cloth
| that falls down over the stark feet, and j jump
ed back. "of course a man can be dressed IN
his clothes ii be likes, but these are The
regular things"
Bury me cased in canvas like a fshing-rod, in
the deep SEA; burn me on a back-water of the
|
der Pullman car, and let the lighted stove
do its worst; sizze with a fallen electric
| wire, or whelm in the sledge of broken
river dam, but may ! never go down to the
Pit, griDning out OF a plate glass window. in a
backless dress coat and the frent half OF a
black stuff dressing gown; not though i were
''held' against the Tavages OF the grave for
| ever and ever Amen!
The opinions of Mr.. Kipling on the SUBJ
ject of Chicago are so we'll known that
most of the Chicago reviewers dismissed
: this book with three-line notice. He said
that the people of that town talked money
through their noses,'' that they were bar
barians, and that the city was a city oil
turmoil and squash He called the Pal
mer House a gilded and mirrored rabbit
warren. And finally he wandered into 8
Chicago church which seemed TO him "a
revelation OF barbarlsm complete" This
is what he found there:
1t was circus, really, but that the worship
ers did not know. There were flowers all about
the building, which fitted up with plush anc
sticks OF seyerest Gothic design. To these thing
and congregation Of ssvages entered suddenly
wonderful man, completely in the confidence
of their God. With a voice OF silye
and with imagery borrowed from the auction
room he built up fer his hearers heaven OF
2 the lines Of the Palmer House (but with al
I the gliding real gold, and all the plate-glas
: diamond) ard set In the centre Of ii loud
voiced, aTgumenIative, and very shrewd crea
tion that he called God. One sentence at th
! point caught my delighted ear. II WAS apropU
Of some question OF the Judgment Day, and
b "No! j tell you God doesn't do business that
: ! wayi' He giving them deity whom thel
G could comprehend, in gold and jewel heaven
in which they could take natural interest.
: The really charming chapter of the book