The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-07-16
Mr.. EPIZOOT WILKINS.
He Recounts His Experience at the
Second Meeting with the Demo-
cratic Leaders-It Is Barren of Re-
suits, but Much Is Hoped For.
WASHINGTON, d. C.

Tu the Editur;
Another meetin Nv our Dimicratic
STATESMEN tn captur sum moo issoo fer 1900
and if need be tn lasso sum moo idees fer
the same purpus wuz ez barren NV results
ez the previus wun. We all he'd idecs
enuff, but tba woodent harmunize The
kountry seems to hev grown tn large fer
the Dimicratic principles tn kiver it. The
time wuz wen our STATESMEN, like Jeffer-
son and jackson, Good formulate a plat
form that wood mcleod the whole kountry
and hcv sumthin left over, but it amt so
now. Sumtimes harrerin thought Gums
tu mo thet perhaps, after all, it amt thet
the bountry hez grown so much bigger ez
it IL thct the Dimicratic idees hev becum
smaller. Wen I menshuned this tu mi
assoshiates, they all declared that l wuz
ded rong and thet none nv our CRATE men
Nv former times, hoo arc now ornamentin
a graveyard, were tn be kompaired with
themselves. Wun NV them hoo he'd framed
under Cleveland and he'd received CRATE
favurs under the imparshul workins NV
the civil servis wuz shoor thet no ded
Dinicrat was his equal. Others who he'd
been snubbed under the saim sistem sed
thet eny ded Dimicrat wuz better then he
wuZ After diskussin the matter in all
its bearins we yoonanimously conclooded
thet we he'd better steer cleer Nv the civil
servis eZ a presidenshul issoo. There wuz
tn menny NV our offs seekers in all parts
NV the kountry hoo he'd failed tn pass writ
ten examinashuns thet called fer sum gen
eral nollege NV readin ritin and spellin.
Tu go into another presidenshal campane
with sich q subiecl fresh in their minds
wood be tal.in tu many chances Nv defect.
Tha he'd bin fooled wunst, and it woodn't
be safe tn tri it agin. 1t wood hcv a dis
kurrijin infiooence tn be obliged tn kon-
suit skoolteechers and text books and in
sum cases tn hev tn learn tn read and rite
in order tn git qualifide tn hold offs.
Sich "A propOsishun wood be tn monstrus
tn entertane fer a moment.
So we went over the list NV all the issoos
we he'd fit battles fer in the past and de-
cided tibet none on 'em wood do agin fer
sich a rattlin fife eZ wuZ ahead NV us next
yeer. Slavery WIZ ded, the tariff wuz ded,
civil servis reform WIZ ded, and frce&ilver
wuz dekomposin SO fast it woodn { keep
until 1900. SO there we wuz. after two
nights NV konsultation, in a stait NV per-
manent disagreement and no prospeck NV
yoonltln on enything.
1t wuZ then thet l felt l must rize tn
the hite NV the occashun and maik an i'm
preston or go bak tn mi farm in Moo Ger
sey and admit thet mi misshun wuz a
faleyure. WIZ not quite shoor thet l
shood be attcntively lissened tn. but l
maid miself master Nv the sitooashun bi
askin everybody TIL hev IA drink and tn
maik it a big wun. l felt tha Good not
treet me with immciit disrcspeckt after
that. 1t wuz shrood move on mi part,
fer persceved sines NV uneZiness amung
mi heerers before 1 conclooded mi re
marks. After passin the yoosual compli-
ments thet are legal tender between Dimi-
Gratis everywhere l sot doun mi tumbler
and sed:
Gentlemen, l am, ez sum NV yu no, a
Dinicrat frum the stait nv Moo Gerscy
am the owner NV Applejack Farm, wich
iz next tn Grover Cleveland ;. in said stait
hev imbibed sum NV the prinsiples NV
Dimocracy eZ eloocidatid by our former
CRATE leedur and also sum palatabcl foods
that he keeps in hiz sidebord. At hiz re-
quest and equipped bi his resoursiz l hev
cum doun to Washington tn konsult with
yu and see whut kin be dun toward in
fusin sum moo life intu our beluvid old
Dimicratic party, thet at the present time
seems tn hev he'd general collishun with
publik opinyun in every direcshun. We
seem tn be like a fiok NV wild geese after
sumbuddy heZ shot the gander. We are
a-hyin tn all pints NV the cumpass with
nobuddy tn Iced us and no platform tn
stand upon. In this emergency Mr.
Cleveland hez orthorized me tn 81 thet he
kin be purswadcd tn ovcrkum his mach
ural inklination tn refoos offs and will
kosnent tn run agin fer president in 1900
pervided the Dlnicratic party will du ez
he sez. -
l he'd no more then conclooded these
words when great toonult broke forth
tibet wuz cnything but pleczin tn mi feel
ins.
Hes a Goldbug sed a Colorado poll
tishun.
He's an old jay frum Moo Gersey thet
went bak on Us in 1896. - sed another
He's pade bi the Shylocks NV Wall
street tn cum hccr and razc the devil, :"
sed an Arkansas congressman
Put hiE out, Throw him thru the
winder.' I'VE don't want no more NV
Grover yelled IL duzzcn others Ez each
individooal member NV our lneetn becum
more and more existed l wuz really afrade
thet sum NV 'cm wood du me bodily harm.
/ saw thet only wun hope remained NV
quietin the coinmoshun, and altho it wood
maik big hole in a five doIler bin wuz
Obliged tn tri the experiment.
Talk a drink with me in the interest
Nv harmony and in the hope NV rejoo-
venated and victorious Dimocracv,' sed /.
Ez soon ez ] he'd made these patriotik
remarks different spirit pervadcd the
atmosfeer, aad thar seemed tn be more NV
disposishun I'll accept a kompermise and
cum tn sum sort NV an understanding
hev notist tket eny kind NV Dimcratic
meetin IL alwaze more open tu convincin
argooments after "splicin the name
brace" ez the sailors sa. We CRU more
and more disposed tn berry the ded past
and plant a toomstone ontu the remains
eZ the mite wore on. and we rstssled with
the onpromisin sitooashun. Each pinted
out tn the other thet we Good not expect
tu win fucher battles which he'd bin fit
and gon agin us in the past Ez party
we hev bin disposed tn fite agin all pro-
gressive meazures until they hev bin
adopted in spite Nv US, and then we hev
sot doun and growled about it ontil sum
thin else took our attenshun That wuz