Arizona republican., 1899-03-09
NEGOTIATIONS or
 MARTIN DOOLEY

T wondher will Dewey r-run fir
 prisidint?" said MT. Hennessy. He q
 be tn gr-reat candydate I dinnaw
 whether he's a dinmycrat or protest
 ant, but I'd vote fr him.
 'No," said Mir. DooIay. Me cousin
 George is not candydate. He don't
 need tn job an why shud he take it? Can ye imagine, Hinnissy, Cousin
 George settin' in tn lap iv Hinky Dink
 fir to get a nommynation? Can ye
 think iv him r-runnin' around tn counthry smellin' iv gasoline smoke
 an makin speeches in Brickalyers' | hall? Cud ye get Cousin George fir
 to come out on tn stoop iv his battle ship to address a di1lygation iv tn | Suspinder Salesman, Expansion, Home
 Market, an Dewey club? How'd he
 look in a photograft with a copy iv tn Vermont Pallajum in his hand an pitcher iv his Aunt Name on tn wall behind him? How'd he an me frind Macchew Quay get along together thryin to uphold tn honor iv tn nay
 tional bankin' system? How'd he keep himself r-right with tn cOr-rner stone iv tn raypublic tn thrade in beef in tn can? An how'd he hold tn German vote an lave it live?
 @'No, Cousin George is net 6 candy date. Divvle a bit iv it A rayporther finds him up on tn roof iv a battleship ilivatin' tn degraded Ph'lippeens higher thin Gilderoy's kite, an says he: Admiral, he says, will ye run fir prisidint?' he says. Fr what?' says Cousin George. 'F'r prisidint' iv tn United States says tn raypOIIther. T see mesilf,' says Cousin George. pointin' a long gun at church. l see mesilf goin' home to that happy but excited counthry an gallopin' around firm wan precinct to another nailin' dillygates,' he says. I see meSilf,' he says, as he shoots a thirteen-inch shell at our former allies, 'tellin' tn Nay tional Association iv Mannyfactherers iv Imbammed Beef that they're pre- sarvin' th' thraditions iv Washington an Lincoln, he says. 'Whin they can't presarve COW meat so that it Il last through a hard winter he says. Catch me singin' "They'se No Place Like Home" in Boston, am he says, "Theyse No Place Like Home to Get Away Fr'm" in Washington he says. Tn tariff?' save he. Tn only jooties I know about is those.' he says, I owe to mesilf. to paste you small but fiery ruffyans' he says. Tn money ques- tion with me is will I get tn salary that goes with tn new job or won't ? he says I'm here, he says, an tn beauchous blue sky iv our happy col Cny is over me- he says, 'an' I'd rather have me fellow citizens that is to be Ii they live as marks f'r me- he says, thin to be a mark fir thim an tn likes iv thim at home, he says. Say to tn good people iv tn United States, he says. that I'm doin' well where 1 am,' he says. There bein' nawthin' left on tn sea- he says, T am pursooin' land operations on me own hook he saws. I've just repelled caV'lry charge. he says, an tomorrow I'll have me ships thrained to climb threes an dhrive out sharpsho0ters, he says. I'm tn boy orator iv tn Paslg, he says, an I'm maxim a speech ivry five minyits an ivry speech gr reat hit with tn cOlored vote he says. recognize tn honor ye as riprlslnta- tive -ayporther have offered to me- he says. but he says, I prefer he says, that some wan else shud have it, he says Besides he says. Nmebbe if wanted it I cuddeITt get it. he says.
 50 there ye ar-re, [HinnisSy. Cousin George will not come on hera to ad- dhress you an other intilligent cllzens like ye firm tn back of a dhray. He'll | lave tn destiny iv tn raypuhlic to other hands that can control It tn way | tn man conthrolled tn balloon Wh1n | he got caught be tn anchor. He'll lave | tn destiny iv tn nation to others, an | see that tn shootin' iv tn nation goes sthraight Firm tn look iv things tn | statesman can take day off f'r awhile | an lave tn wurruk to tn marksman. Cousin George will stay in the Ph' lip peens an blow up tn enchant1D scenery an protect tn naughty sub jects iv tn Imlpror Willum an Carl Schurz in tn mannyfacther if liver wurst, and see that tn prisidints peace comm; ;ssiOners is not ct be our en- frightened brethren in Manila, an Mack an nell stay at home practisin' tn arts iv peace an eXpandin with Cousin George as he goes along, so that tn bordhers iv our beloved coun thry firm day to day'H be where his coat tails flies in tn breeze. Tn United States is bounded on tn east by tn ocean an on tn west be Cousin George"
 After a long pause MT. Hennessey took bis cigar from his mouth and re- markell:
 ''He wudden't git tn German vote"
 No said MT. Dooley, but if he