Blackfoot news. (Blackfoot, Idaho) 1891-1902, 1899-01-07
Nj. Rooterby's Resolution
Mr.. Rooterby was a jack.

Mr.. Rooterby was jack.
That was what everybody said, and,
of course. what Everybody says is true.
whether il is or not.
Nor was Mr.. Rooterby Jack because
his first name was John, and all Johns
are by the rule of diminutiyes Jacks.
Not al all. Mr.. Rooterby was jack
because his ears were abnormal, and
he showed other signs of an ineradica-
BILE stupidity.
-Bein' an you air the best boarder
I've got ever did have, or expeck to
have" remarked his landlady many
times during the years he had been
occupying her second-hoor front, Il
won't say as how you air plumb silly,
Mr. Rooterby. but I'D be most sure TO
II you wasn't the kind of gent you air
In every other respeck. Indeed, !
would, Mr.. Rooterby, and the good
Lord knows | amt the woman to de-
prive a man OF his just deserts, seein'
that my poor. dead husband was one
of the Lords chosen. l don't care II
people did say had to keep boarders
SOS we wouldn't starve to death or &c
on the county"
Some OF the boarders were much
more emphatic in their remarks than
was the landlady.
"lf Rooterby." said the prominent
politician who sat across the table from
him. wasn't such an internal fool, he
would have married rich woman long
ago. and been a member of congress
from this district. He would have also
had comfortable home instead OF
plugging away in beastly old board
ing house. II had his chances for
about seven minutes you bet I'd cor
ner the convention and get the nomi-
nation OF break a bank in the at
tempt"
So it would appear that Mr.. Rooter-
ny was a jack. or silly. or fool, with
ihe accent on the profane penultimate,
NIL on account Of his persistent cell
bocy.
Let US examine into the testimony
against MIR. Rooterby. A man of so.
30 we'll preserved that he didn't look
II by ten years; a man OF affairs and
comfortable competence; man OF
good habits and good family; man
~ domestic tastes and somewhat Sc
dentary life; man Of some personal
pulchritude and OF excellent educa-
ton: q man considerably above the
average in all that makes man wor-
thy Of the name. except in respect OF
the persistent ceIibacy referred &c
nbove.
This being n fair presentation Of the
testimony in the case of public opin-
ion against Rooterby. the jury will re-
urn prompt verdict to the effect that
Mr. Rooterby is guilty with evident
malice aforethought prepense.
VOW said Mr.. Rooterby. solemnly.
in the presence OF Witnesses. "that
wouldn't propose marriage to any wom-
IN on earth. What the dickens'-Nr.
Rooterby was vestryman and could
not be too emphatic-"do | want with
II Vife. Id like TO know? Here I am
Iist 40 years of age"-Mr. Rooterby wa.
just shade sensitive on the subject of
nRe and still didn't want to appear
silly abont jt-"living serenely and
comfortably. with nothing TO disturb
me and no one to question my move
Inents or my motives. What | have is
my own. and II is not constantly under
going a process OF drainage TO meet
the extravaganza Of people for whom
would be to large extent response
BILE. In fact. am monarch of all sur
pey. az a bachelor. and IL ! were a mar
F'ed man. there's no telling what kind
pr slave to woman's foibles and fan
aies J might be called on to be. There
fore. when ] am perfectly satisfied and
ps happy m man can be in this vale
Of tears. what in thunder il the use
OF trying to change the conditioner"
What . sfere9typed old argument Il
.. truly. and yet II serves its PURPOSE
1neIy. and Is an armor OF defense be.
bind which more bachelors hide than
pny other. perhaps. unless poverty be
pppyidered as one.
At Christmas Mr. Rooterby had given
The pretty typewriter in his employ for
Iwo or three years present Of q band
ZONE street gown, for Mr. Rooterby
was practical, and she had needed II so
badly that when she told the cashier
about II the tears came into her eyes,
end she said she thought it such pity
30 dear and good a man a. Mr.. Rooter-
by did not bnve wife, and home
and children. and all those happinesses
yhich 80 with matrimony. and there
saA something in the iypewriter's tone
thai made The cashier wonder what Mr.
hooisrbJ bad been saying to her my
bow.
The cashier and the typewriter were
tte Only occupants Of the Office except