Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-03-18
THE ETIQUETTE
OF REFUSALS.

vi MI OOnCO,
II ia n noticeable fact that rcfusnis
to Invitations bear large proportion to
accoptances M h general rule. The en-
gngcmcnts OF everyday life account In
measure for this. but there are other
causes equally potent that Influence de-
cislons now and again. Even the most
popular entertainers have TO submit to
the disappointment that rcfusnia entail
and anticipate the same In n given
number OF Invitations issued. Different
functions are Inherently responded 10.
Some require prompt and decided re-
plies. others call for little or no alacrl.
~ In the response or none ut all, a. tho
case may be. When n refusal II the al.
Tentative. no delay In conveying II u
allowable for those functions that de.
mand prompti,udc rs regards either ac-
ceptnncc or refusal. and N an accept
nncc requires a. be Immediately given u
refusal should be In no way behind Il.
Indeed Il IL an act ~ discourtcay to do
otherwise. and yet there are people who
think that II they do not intend 10 ao-
ccpt an invitation II N immatcrinl when
q refusal Ia sent u weeks delay being
Of no consequence In their opinion.
Then. ~ regards the refusal Itself. II
il expressed In a variety Of ways. n d.
verslty of forms II employed aud with.
one might say. diversity oil feeling.
The conventional and stcrcotypcd form
In use In the fashionable world II tho
one invariably printed upon cards Of re-
fusal In response Ia the printed cards
Of Invitation 20 dinner. when invita-
tiona are written In this wise and
nothing more or less raid. the refusal
should be on the same lines, but when
an invitation IL written In the first per-
son and IN what might be termed u
friendly note the use OF the conventions
al form n rather out of place. and more
cordial words should be substituted.
We are frequently asked. when "a
previous engagement" II pleaded M m
excuse. Il u necessary 20 state the ma
tnrc " the engagement or TO mrntlon
the name ~ the one with whom the en-.
gngcmcnt has been madcT many sid
ed answer might be given 10 these que
flcs. Concerning the nature ~ the en-
gnrcmont. n u II not mentioned the 70
funal may be claFaed among the strictly
conventional ones already referred 10.
Therefore. n this In not Intended. then
the nature Of the engagement should be
mentioned In 20 far Ms 20 state OF what
II consists. II II seldom polite 10 mem
tlon the name ~ the person with whom
the engagement has been made for two
rcasona-vlz. II unknown II conveys
nothing, and n that 81 n mutual friend
II often conveys too much. In that u
proves that one friend has been invited
and the other not and. although II IL
not To be expected that every one can
be invited on the same evening. yet few
care 10 drive this fact home and 10 de-
clare preference shown In their favor.
No reluctance n experienced by people.
however, In mentioning whore and with
whom they have dincd when the event
has taken place. ana dinner parties arc
frequently made n subject Of converaa-
tlon. - was dining with the So-nnd-soa
the other nisht and mot. etc." II often
the forcrunncr ~ topic started, and no
reason In supposed 60 exist tor ita being
avoided.
] A refusal should II possible imply n
genuine regret at being unable to accept
the proffered hospitality. and there arc
many expressions and phrases In vogue
that fully answer this purpose. provided
sincerity aud not cNpcdioncy IL the up
permost feeling In the mind Of the writ
~. should the latter be the motive OF
the refusal. and 20 yet out" 81 the ne
cosslty ~ accepting the result % he at
taincd. then the before mentioned con-
Vcntionni form u regret II best adhered
/ TO. The power ~ nccentunting regret
and making II ilatterngly apparent IL a
gift that some few possess and thus re-
funnls on their part are a combination
~ ready wit and genial nmlablilty and
enhance the disappointment caused by
their absence from the function to
which they were hidden.
The plea OF n previous enFngcnent'
cannot be put forward aH the basis of. q
refusal Of AN invitation to a ball. tho
late hour NJ which these festlvltles
commence rendering II possible TO keep
number OF engagements durlng one
and the same evonlng-dlnnor. rroep-
tlon ind ball or balls 10 follow--and
therefore refusal. when no definite OK.
cuse exists other than ongngementa,
! should be couohcd In vague terms. and
unable TO accept" Is considered IN this
ease all sufficient between those on
formal terms, friendly notes Of explana-
ton beitg outside the question alto.
gother. Men. on the contrary. seldom
trouble themselves 10 refuse or accept
| invitations TO balls and leave Il 10 cir
cumHtaneen 10 decide whether they put
In an appearance or not.
Invitations TO weddings are often ro-
fused on variety OF grounds quite
apart from engagements. ns these lat
Tor are also not valid excuses for re-
funal, generally speaking. absence from
town heinz the exception. ana thus, In
response TO mn Invitation, a formnl re-
fusal Is expressed In the useful phrase
unable TO accept" while between
friends more explicit reason Is usually
given.
A New Iden Enr urIdesmnIas