Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-10-07
ALL FOR A BLACK EYE |

Member No. II of the Washington Liars
Club made his appearance downtown one
day last week with his left eye in heavy
mourning.
His business and personal associates. rs
we'll as those Of the members of the Liars
Club whom ne met, appreciated the eye in
mourning greatly. They exhibited remark
able solicitude. not as to the condition of
No. lis eye, but as to. where. when,
how, and at whose hands he got the same.
Samples of their inquiries and remarks in
this respect may be set down thus:
Look at that lamp It's gone outP'
"Who pasted your
What were you doing to him."
did You get back at him?''
Say, you're two shades off-purp1es the
kfnk now!'
Now, will you be good!'
Who counted the ten seconds over your
Say, If you're so easy as that you ought
to carry an AK.
Let me soak you in the right to make
'em match!"
Il didn't know Jeffries was in town.
did you discover any new comets?
These any many other ribald things did
the business and personal associates and
fellow club members say unto Member No.
II of the Washington Liars Club when he
made his appearance lin their midst with
his left eye deeply in mourning. And No.
II unused thus:
whats the use of shooting 'em all the
same spiel? Every man that gets black
eye has long. disconnected, incoherent
story wherewith he endeavors to explain
away and mitigate the grievousness of the
same to his inquiring and suspicious
friends. all of whom go away with the
deep conviction within them. anyhow, that
he has been punched. l will be an original
proposition with my bum lamp. l will spin
different unto each jay that asks me
where l got it. Then they can get to-
gether and compare notes, and thereby
they will discover that of themselves al
ready 1 have made monkeys, is it not,
yet?'
SO that it came to pass that within two
days after the downtown appearance of
Member No. IL of the Liars Club with his
mournful left eye the many and sundry
and divers of his business and personal and
club associates who made mirthful inquiries
of him as to the source of his optical injury
all of them feeling within their hearts
all the time that No. IL had simply been
punched-were made aware of the following
methods by which the damage had been
wrought-here set down in the words OF
No II himself:
MY Irish washerlady hit me with a
clothes basket
II was run over by a 9th street car
MY -wifes pet dog jumped at me while
dreamng-the dog, I mean
Il fell against the banisters in the
dark
Il got hit by stray piece of shell in the
Ddlll6 OF NaHIld.
"A highwayman in the Smithsonian
grounds hit me with blackjack"
Il was hunting for trouble in Jackson
City and got it,.
bottle.
My small boy hit me with ropes end
while we were playing horse"
ITS 4 birthmark-never notice 1t be-
fore?'
81 was running down schley in a crowd
of Marylanders.
playing ball"
Accidentally hit with golf stick"
shaving
Ran into the rear end of lumber
wagon"
Was trying to board 14th street car at
+ O'Clock a rainy afternoon
WAS singing What Did Dewey Do to
Them? when it happened"
Was playing bean bag and got hit"
These and many other causes did No. II
of the Washington Liars Club furnish his
solicitous and joyful friends as the par
ticular and several occasions Of his draped
orb
Three days ago he was summoned to at
tend an extraordinary meeting Of the
Liars Club. No. II rejoiced greatly within
himself when he received the summons for
he figured it a cinch that he would receive
the zinc loving knife annually bestowed
upon the most picturesque liar of the or
ganization. What then, was his surprise
to find naught but stern faces awaiting
him, and to hear this severe arraignment
from the lips of the chief liar:
"No II, you are up for impeachment. All
reports are in, and the fact seems unde-
niable that you have not yet accounted for
your bum lamp on the ground that you fell
off your bike. What have you to say for
yourself?"
No. II pulled through by the narrowest of
majorities when it came to the VOTE and he
has resolved that the next time he gets a
black eye he'll cut the cable so he won't
have to say anything.