Evening journal., 1899-10-07
FOR love OF HIM.

Don't contradict mel have count
ed them. To me it has been ten
years. Oh, yes, l can hear you say. Dear
Clara, wish YOU were not such an cxafger-
atcd person. but viii you never understand
that whatever / write OF my suffering 1 live
il more. Your silence has made me
wonder whether you were angry that dag
1 would not throw away the pearl You
noticed it for the first time, and said quite
forcey; 81 did not give you that" on,
tonight l would sacrifice an | have for
you to be angry with me again ] would
even give that black pearl now.
/ humiiate myself hy writing 60 You.
You dospise words. Ii Is work you honor
Yet, Harry, it is because of you that ] can
not work any more. a cruel fctcr cats
my face to the bone ! 60 TO The studio
mechanically, and try to believe that ort
gives a higher pleasure than love. ! repeat
highsounding sentimonts-you know how
fcnd we Americans are Of thcm-hut the
whole time silly little realities are habbhng
under my heart. Perhaps Harry wiu
come to-day" cob, surely. he win write
or come today 1 have NO ambition.
hardly remember the hope and confidence
q once possessed, until Annie Burger reminds
me that l had both, and tries TO shake me
out of my morbid thoughts, as She calls
them All the disappointmonts and dis.
illusions / experienced in my work never
crushed me. ] thought of Marie Blshldrt-
seif-and worked on sss loved Paris
its heart-h beats seemed 90 me the heart
beats Of the world. And was IL not Paris
which had given me my freedom.
Freedoml Our souls grow sick and fam
faI IatmIr fHff. Ia. I.H.
/ met you / was longing for scryitude again.
/ had escaped from that New York tyranny,
from my family, and dinners and balls, and
proposals from crude young men. Yet /
am so made that / longed for a master.
/ met you.
I met youl What else need / say? That
is my history. l don't want to reproach
you. There is no greater bore than the
woman who viii remind the man that he
loved her once. ! would live for YOU
die for you, Harry, but l viii not bore you.
have forgotten what You said that day.
what you promised. / only remember the
trees which waved over our heads-that
laughing spring day! / remember the sum
light glancing through the leaves on o patch
of golden flowers. ! remember, and
in my anguish / swear that / cannot live
without you. lysterical, morbid, what you
will but true. ! blame myself, not YOU.
You are sensible, you are strong above alb
you have ceased 40 love meat least, with
that absorbing passion Of the first few
days. What happens then? ! die. ] say IL
deliberatcly-in spite of Annie Burgers
"Nonsensel" in spite Of my being young.
How curious One always grows
sentimental when one thinks Of death and
youth together. Annie tries (in goodness
Of her heart, I believe) to poison my mind.
She whispers something about Their
csc Bequin. But if l kin myself, Harry, IT
win not be. because I am jealous. II will
be because this love which fools cali divine
has diseased me, corrodcd me. / cam
not bear it, Coward she cannot benr iil
C.L.
H.
IFrom Henry Targuo to Miss Lomax.l
Hotel Philippe, June II, IS. Dear
Little Girl: You talk Of loving me, yet
YOU don't mind distressing me by threaten.
ing TO kin yourself How / wish / could
come and see you and cure you Of talking
such nonsense-such wicked nonsensoi But
1 cannot come to-day-I wish could-as
am obliged TO 60 to London tomorrow for
a few days.
You are such an excitable. feversh per
son. Ii only you would take things morl
calmly, you would learn that ones harri-
ness in life docs not really depend on one
person. It's almost a disease TO get into
the way Of thinking that il does.
remember what ! said that day az Trianon;
but / should have been very heartless if in
cold blood l had kept my word, and we
should both be absolutely wrciched at this
moment. Wait Claral You see If time IS
not soft to US, and chance warm. Let us
both work very hard, and We shall be able
TO wait patiently. / am horribly poor-l
won't marry a rich woman-do you hear
till have got on bit. And 1 shall get
on. B. saw my "Sophocles" this morning.
He praised it almost enthusiastically, and
YOU know how surly he ia. It is the best
thing I have ever done-I know that.
I Won't you be pleased, for my sakcs
l viii let you know when I come back
from London. Ever yours, II. f.
III
/ IFrom Miss Annie Burger. Of New York. an
actress, 20 Henry Fargue.l
June p, ls-. Dear Mr. Fargue:-Wc
/ American women are very frank. i am go.
| ing to show you how frank we can be.
Clara Lomax was found to-day in the
Seine. There l blurt it out, because you
never inquired for her those days you must
/ have heard she was missing. Why should
1 break it gently? Poor darling! They
| took her TO the morgue. / sent a cable to
/ her people. but 1 don't know why they
/ should come over ssa They say that sh,
went out to paint sunrise on the river
and that she fell in accidentally. Mr.
/ Fargue, they talk nonsense. She went ont
to l1ill herself, and only took her paint.
and oamp-stool because of you For tn,
last week she had told me She would DO &c
and / laughed at her and scoided her
think that She found out that you had moi
gone to London, as you said. ! know She
heard someone say at the pension that
you were dining at Paillard's on "Wednesday
| with Therese BeQuin. ] dare say you thinl
this is very impertinent. l don't care. Mir
Fargue.
The night before she cried a great deal
and / stayed in her room a long time. Iwisl
I had stayed all night. Perhaps then shi
would not have crept out at daylight TO d.
this awful thing. How pretty she wasl
She is dead. And 1 know why she died
l have heard everyone saying during th
last few months: "What a fascinating per
| SON Far1io Isl" And / have said 10 myself