Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-12-02
Mr.. JOBSONS TOOTHACHE

said:
Pains you pretty badly, eh?"
Mrs. Jobson, with handkerchief pressed
to her face, only moaned an inarticuiate
reply.
Been paining you that way for several
weeks, off and on, hasn't it?"
Mrs. Jobson only pressed the handker-
chief closer to her face and said nothing.
Mrs. Jobson, you are, of course. to I'M
derstand that 1 sympathize with you deep
ly," said Mr.. Jobson in the most unsympa.
thetic tone in the world certainly oi
course. Why not? But ] want TO tel you
something, Mrs. Jobson, This Is the nine
teenth century-almost the twentieth cen
tury-and Charlemagne has been dead quite
a few years. In other words, were not
living in the middle ages just now. To
carry the matter a bit farther there are
professional persons now living on the earth
Known dentists. These persons are
highly instructed and exceedingly expert
in the art of extracting or otherwise caring
for ailing teeth. They make a business of
it. They earn their living by 1t. We are
no longer in this epoch of the worlds his
tory, compelled to suffer like dumb brutes
from the tocthache. Do you apprehend my
meaning, Mrs. Jobson?"
Mrs. JObson only moaned again.
In fine" went on Mr.. Jobson, might
venture to inquire why you haven't long
ago gone to one of these professional per
ing. throbbng, pulsating, misery-making
InOlar yauked out by the roots?'
The suggestion was too wearing on Mrs.
JObsons nerves just at that moment, and
she went upstairs and held her face in her
hand for a long while
The tOothache was gone the next morn
ing, but by the time Mr.. Jobson was ready
to go to the office Mrs. Jobson had on her
things ready to accompany him.
Where are You going so early IN the
mOrning?' inquired Mr.. JObSOn.
ITO the dentists to have that tooth ex-
tracted." replied Mrs. Jobson. Il thought
I'd ride down with YOU
1T hasn't taken you any time to make
up your mind that point has it?' in
quired Mr.. Jobson. Go ahead and have
it pu led. I'm glad you're going to do it..
But you might have saved yourself several
months of pain and me a whole lot of wor-
riment by having it done long ago. In the
matter of nerve women are like some mem
bers of the family of vegetables that I'm
acquainted with"
Mrs Jobson had the tooth extracted
without gas that morning, and when Mr..
Jobson came home he told her what he d
do if he ever got a toothache.
I'D have the measly thing jerked out so
quick that it would make your head SWIM, -
he said positively. There's no sense in
footing with a thing like a toothache.
It's to the last degree imbecile to coddle
It and toady to it and let it get the upper
hand. When you get the typhoid fever you
don't let it run on for a few months, do
you? Same way with a tooth. No tooth'll
ever bother me more'n twenty minutes If
I've got enough strength to get on street
car and make for a dentists office. Not
much will it,
Just four days later Mr. Jobson came
home early from the office with his face
done up in a hundred wrinkles.
whats the matter, dear?' Mrs. Jobson
asked him.
Mr.. Jobson regarded her with an express
sion Of agonized wrath
DO I look like I've broken a leg, Mrs.
JooSon! ne mumbled, stertorOusly. DO /
impress you like a man who's been run
over by brewery wagon? Do I bear any
resemblance to man afflicted with the
bubontc plague?-standing there and ask
ing me what's the matter! I've got the
toothache so DANCED bad that I can't see,
and ] wish you'd hunt up that bottle of
cloves. and fill that hot water bag. AM get
couple Of pounds of morphine and cocaine
any confounded thing, to see II 1 can't
get some relief! What are you standing
there for? Can't you see I'm suffering?"
And Mr.. Jobson buried his head in the
sofa pillows and moaned like a man on the
rack.
Mrs. Jobson hustled around. and In three
minutes she had hot water bag pressed
to his face and had dropped enough oil OF
cloves on the aching tooth to deaden the
nerves of half dozen ordinary molars
But the remedies awaited not Mr. Jobson
danced about the room and roared and bel.
lowed.
y,
know just how you feel. 1 thought l should
go insane when my tooth
DO you think for a single instant. -
shouted Mr.. Jobson, that your too .hache
came WITHIN ten-millionth part of "a de-
gree of hurting you like this blasted
and ne pranced around the room like q
man doing a sword dance
We'll, maybe it didn't hurt quite so bad.
Iy, said Mrs. Jobson. soothingly Don't
you think you ought to have II seen to by
dentist? You know what you tolQ ms
about the wisdom Of Instantly attending
to aching teeth and"
Dentists be hanged!' growIed Mr., lob
son. Il never said anything of the sort
VINO ever heard me say anything about
dentists? You've got gifted imagination
Mrs. Jobson. but-ouch. oo-oU-l but I'd lust
oIoW the whole top Of my head off for s
bunch Of figs!' and Mr.. Jobson pressed the
| parlOr lace curtains against his face anG
moaned dismally.
The next morning Mr. Jobson's teothache
| was gone, but Mrs. Jobson dreaded the
recurrence OF another such night az she
| had put in with him and his aching tooth
Don't you think you had better stop by
/ a dentists on your way to the office anC
| have that tooth extracted" she yentureC
| to suggest at the breakfast table.
| NO, l don't think anything of the sort ;
replied Mr.. Jobson, choppily That's al
| right for woman whose teeth are set in
| her head like the milk teeth of a fox ter.
| rter, but getting a tooth pulled is a differ.
| ent matter for a man. Anyhow, I've got E
| bad heart, and 1t 'ud be dangerous for m,
| to let these dentist chaps fool with me-"
| About once a week ever since that time
| Mr.. JobsOn has torn about the house like 5
| raVing maniac. On Sunday morning las
| the pain became so unbeara BILE that in a fl
| OF desperation. he put his overcoat on owe
| his smoking Jacket, forgot to change hiE
| slippers for his shoes and demanded tina
| Mrs. Jobson accompany him Instantly t.
| the dentists. Mrs. Jobson ACCOMPANIED
| HIM. He was in state of collapse wher
| the dentists office was reached, and moan
| ing piteously, He shuddered like an asper
/ when he saw the Instruments in the oper
/ ating room, and mOaned for gas II,
begged Mrs. JobsOn to remain at his side
| lin case anything happened" When h,
/ had swallowed a bagful of gas and ar
| idiotic expression of content was on hi.
! features. the dentist got Nelson or
| the tooth and out 1t came. When Mr. Job
| son emerged from his stupor he was digni
| fed and reposefu
Now, is there anything simpler in lif,
| than that?" he patronizingly asked Mrs
! Jobson on the way home in the car ~
| man gets toothache, and out 1t comes II
| jig-time, without any fuss or feathers o.
| moaning or whining around. It's plair
| common sense for him to do so. and mer
| generally follow the dictates of common
| sense. woman gets a toothache-well
| didn't I have q time of 1t with you wher
J . 4