Arizona republican., 1899-11-16
Mr.. DOOLEY
ON pOLYGAMY

Il dinnaw," said Mr.. Hennessy; Il
nivver heerd iv him.
Il think it's three" said Mr.. Dooley
/ NO wondher he needs wurruk an is
/ fghtin' hard FIR tn job. I'm with him,
too. be hivens. Not that I'm be taste
or inclination a marryin' man. Hinnis-
sy. They may get me to tn altar some
day. TIL best iv US falls, like Cousin
! George, an there ARE designin' wo-
men in this very block that 1 have me
own throubles in dodgin'. But amy
time we hear iv me bein' dhrawn firm
J tn quite miseries an exclusive discom-
forts iv single life We may know that
they've caught me asleep an chloro-
formed me. It's thrue. But FIR thin
that likes it. it's all right, an if a
mans done something in his youth that
he has to do pinance f'r an tn stations
iv tn cross amt sthrong enough. lave
him, says I. marry as NANNY women as
he wants an live with thin an die
con-tint. TIL Mormons thinks they
ARE commanded be tn Lord FIR to
marry all tn ineligeable Swede women.
Now, I don't believe tn Lord liver COM
manded even a Mormon FIR to do amy
thing so foolish, an if he did he wud-
dent lave tn command written on a
pie-plate an buried out there at Nau-
VOC. in Hancock county. Illinye. Ye
can bet on that. Hinnissy.
But if amy wan believes twas
done I say lave him believe it an lave
him clasp to his bosom as NANNY Ole
sons ASH have him. Sure in tn pris-
int state iv tn mathrimonyal market
as Hogan calls it, whin he goes down
to coort tn rich Widow O'Brien, tn
la-ad that wants to engage in inter-
prises iv that sort ought to have q
frind in ivrywan but tn men that
keeps imploymint agencies.
But no. TIL minyit a Mormon thrias
to break into a political job. q diily-
cation rises an says they: What!
they says. permit this polluted mon
sther FIR to invade tn chaste atmos-
phere.' they says, Nv tn house iv rip
risintatives,' they says. Permit him
FIR to parade his family down Pinn-
sylvania avnoo an block traffic. they
says. Permit him mebbe to sit in tn
chair wanst occupied be tn laminted
Breckenridge they says. An they pro-
coed FIR to hunt up tn poor. crowded
man. An he takes a day off to kiss his
wife firm house to house, an holds a
meetin' iv his childher to bid thin
good-by an r-runs to hide in i cave till
tn obligation ray-mimbers that they
have husbands iv their own an goes
home to cook tn supper.
"A Mormon, Hinnissy, is a man that
has tn bad taste an tn re1lijion to do
what a good NANNY other men ARE
restrained firm dom be conscientious
scruples an tn polls. I don't want
amy wife; ye. Hinnissy, ar-re satisfied
not to say con-tint with wan: another
la-ad feels that he'd be lonesome with
out tin. 'Tis a matther iv disposition.
If iver I got started tn Lord on'y
knows where I'd bring up. 1 might be
like me frind an fellow sultan, Hadji
Mohammed. Hadji has wives TO burn,
an wanst in a while he BURNS wan.
He has a betther job thin congressman.
TIL best a congressman can get Is
fourth class postmaster an a look in
at tn White House on visitin' day. But
Hadji. tn poplar an Eloquent sultan iv
Sulu an Bazeen iv Ohio iv tn Passyfic.
owns his own palace an distributes
his own jobs. No man can hold tn Of
flee ~ bow-sthringer iv our impeeryal
domain without a certy-flcate FIRM
Hadji. Firm tn highest office in tn
land to tn lowest, firm III chief pizener
to tn throne, to tn humblcst iXicu-
toner that puts a lady in u bag an
dumps her into tn lake iv tn Nine
Millionth ASSEMBLY district they look
TO Hadji Mohammed FIR their places.
He is tn High Guy, tn Main Thing.
He's Ivrybcdy. Whin he quits wurruk
tn govermint is over FIR tn day. An
does annywan thry to interfere with
Hadji? Does annywan say, 'Hadji,
yen have to abandon two or three
hunderd iv ye'er firesides. Ye ar-re
Twin jus inside tn left field fince iv
our domain an it's a rule iv' tn game
that we've taken ye into that no wan
shall have more thin wan wife at a
time that annywan knows iv. In be-
half iv tn comfy iv tn Society f'r tn
Suppression iv Polygamy 1 request ye
to discard Nora an Eileen an Mary
Ann an Sue an Bimbi an tn r-rest ~
tn bunch, an cleave On'y to Lucille.
judge be her looks that she's tn first
Missus HATCH
NO, sir If he had he'd reach tn
ship that runs between our outlyin'
wards without a hair to his head. In
stead iv reproachin' Hadji with his
domestic habits, wan iv tn ENJOYS that
ar-re Employed in carryin' messages
firm tn prisidint to his fellow citizens.
proceeds to tn pretty little American
viIlege " Sulu. where he finds Hadji
setin' up on a high chair surrounded be
wives. 'Tis a domestic scene that'd
make Brigham Young think he was a
bachelor. Hadji is smolxin' a good see
gar an occasionally histin' a dhrink ~
cider. an wan iv TIL ladies is playin' a
guitar. an another is singin' I want
ye, my Sulu.' an another is SEWN
patches on tn pants ~ tn Hadji kids.
An tn ambassadure he says: Mos
rile an luminous citizen, here is a copy
iv tn annual Thanksgivin' pro-clama
ton he says. IT'S addressed to all
tn hearty husbandren " our beloved
country, manin' you among others
he says. An here he says, is tn re-
vised constitution ne says. TIL orig
inal wan he says. was intinded fr Of