The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-12-30
THE PROFESSORS WAY.
He Had an Extremely Simple detheA
of Solving . Troubiesome
Cat Problem.

81 never hear q cat caterwauling,"
said Col. Calliper, without thinking Of
how my old friend, Prof. Lucius Grill
gobbler, circumvented the cats that
had been accustomed to congregate on
his back fence in Storkville Center, VT.
Prof. Gril-that's what we all called
him-used to come there summers
only; in winter he would shut up the
house or else give it rent free to some
body to take care of it.
know why, the back fence of this house
had always been favorite resort for
cats. The first night the professor slept
in the house-so he afterward told
some of his neighbors-he was amazed
at the number of cats on the fence and
at the noise they made; he said he never
had seen or heard anything like it. The
next day the neighbors saw a man at
work taking off the top of the finishing
strip from the fence, along which the
cats walked, and carrying it away. Be-
fore night the man was back there, put
ting on along the top of the fence an
other strip that looked, however, very
much like the one that had been taken
off, except that it was perhaps little
more rounded. The neighbors couldn't
see any practical difference between
the two strips; but it turned out that
the professor knew what he was about.
81 was living in the second house
from Prof. GIRLS, and on the same side
of the street; could see his back fence
from my second-story rear window
easily. That night, as had expected,
with everybody else that knew about
the change, there was just as much
noise as ever; as matter of fact, there
was more than ever before. My gra-
cious! You never heard anything like
it in your life. I should think they
had there not only all the cats in ere
alton, but that individually they were
making more noise than any cats had
ever made before; and there was
new note in their voices, and an added
sound that had never heard before at
all; and when went to the window to
see what these things meant, I saw
something very singular.
1.-THE cats would come up from the
fences on either side and start along
on the professors fence, as they had
always done, bowling in just the ordi-
nary way, but before they'd gone three
steps I'd see 'em begin to paw that
top piece and grab at it, slipping
around this way and that, and all the
time making desperate efforts to hold
on. At first, they'd be breathless with
surprise and establishment, and then
as they began to slip about and, despite
their most frantic efforts to cling to
II, to lose their hold entirely, they'd
get wild and frenzied and begin to
howl and shrek like wild cats. And
then presently would come that new
note, the most unearthly and hair-rais-
ing cat whoop ever heard, this COM
ing when the cat was finally compelled
to let go. and drop, as it had to at last:
Those whoops we heard then were the
wild shrieks of rage as the discounted
cat went down; and that new, added
sound was its dull thud as it struck
the ground.
"Some of 'em got up and tried it
again, ouly to fall again; and every cat
that tried it went down. For awhile
there was the greatest uproar and tur-
moil you ever heard of; and then there
was quiet, perfect quiet, and the next
night there wasn't a cat on the pro-
fessor's fence, not q cat, and quiet
reigned all through that neighborhood.
And all Storkville wondered. Some
people said one thing, some said an
other; most folks thought there must
be electricity about it. somehow, but
we couldn't see any wires, nor anything
else, for that matter, and that made it
seem all the more wonderful; Prof.
Grilgobbler was a man of science, and
everybody agreed that, though they
didn't know just what 1t was, he must
have put into operation, right there in
Storkville Center, the most wonderful
thing ever.
"But one night one of the neighbors
saw the professor out in his back yard
by the fence, with pan full of some
thing, and brush, at work on the
fence; and then it all came out. That
smooth top strip was simply the old
strip covered with covering of sheet
iron carefully rounded; and the stuff
in the pan was kitchen grease, that's
all, which the erudite professor put on
with paint brush; and that's all there
was to it; the cats simply couldn't stay
on the fence, and so they stayed away
| from 1t.
sI think it was a little shock to some
of us. to have the professor go about
it in this way; we would have expected
him to bring to bear on the solution
of this cat problem comic sections and
logarithms and all sorts of scholarly