River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-09-14

$50 did you. md you were in the
same fix when you got slugged for pull
ing an I'm-something-of -a-liar-myself'
card on the new bartender down at Nc
Garrigan's."
Il did little of that Singing. He
didn't operate a slug;.ing trust and con-
trel the output"
THAT wasn't the story YOU told the
police judge when you was able to APP
pear. l thought you'd give up them
fiye-cent inside lining ioshes after that,
but | guess you'll keep on until some
body gets out of patience with you and
kills you"
I'D like to know what ii is makes
YOU miserable whenever anyone gets
10 feeling good" said the stationer.
IF person comes around you with
sunshine in his soul and a gladstone
smile on his face you take it as a person
al insult. | look to see you get stick
of dynamite and blow up Dutch beer
garden some night just because tho
people are enjoying themselves there.
You'd poison an organ-grinder's
monkey"
Il would" said the tailor, with de-
eision. I'D poison the organ grinder,
too, if / got good chance"
"And any kids that happened to be
dancing on the sidewalk to the music,
added the stationer. 'Ain't you got any
friends besides me?"
Are you my friend?"
I'D lend you a dollar note any time
you needed il and / had it, if you were
able TO give me any kind of security
that I'd get ii back. There's people that
calls themselves your friends that won't
do that for YOU"
IF you're my friend" said the tailor,
you want to keep your ice tongs and
chestnut bells hid when you come into
this shop. If you've got any celluloid
buttons with You Amt the Only Sos
sidge in the Shop or I've Got Troubles
of My Own or any other gags you leave
them on the grand piano before you
start out to entertain me. How'd you
| like"
ITO be the iceman?"
10 have me come into your shop
three times n day and rub your teeth
with blacksmith's rasp?"
It'd be all right if you did it in a
friendly spirit, but | want you to I'M
derstand that you can't come in look
ing the way you do now and take them
kind of liberties. You've got to be pleas
ant about it."
The tailor threaded a needle, scram-
bled up on his bench and, crossing his
legs, began to sew. III be pleasant
about it." he said, as he ierked a kink
out of the thread. "The next time YOU
get off any of these funny little auto
matte side splitters on me I'll get down
on you in friendly spirit and hammer
youwith the smoothing iron until you'll
need a certificate of Identification to
get buried in the family lot You go
home now and think that over and take
your ice tongs with you. Hold on, don't
go off mad. You can take a little josh
yourself, can't you?"
The stationery man put his hands in
| his pockets and chewed the end of his
cigar rapidly as he turned at the door.
The tailor was smiling, but his neighbor
seemed offended for once.
IF you're getting hot you want to
think about your friend the iceman,' y
said the tailor. Cool off, Billy, cool
off"
The stationer took his cigar out of his
mouth and cleared his throat.
Say, you'll be back soon, anyway"
implored the tailor, but the stationery
man went out, silent and unappeased
As soon as he had gone the tailor I'M
wound his legs and looked around the
shop until he found a piece of card
board. He laid this carefully down on
the table, wiped the dust off il and TAX
his marking brush printed on it in large
letters: