The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1899-02-08
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BEST ADVERTISING MEDIUM
-IN-
Western South Carolina.
RATES REASONABLE.
SUBSCRIPTION 81 PER ANNUM
JOB PRINTING A SPECIALITY.
Some Pen Pictures.
A Galaxy of LONELINESS in the
State House.
Charcoal Sketches of Our Newly
Elected Officers, and Which a
Visit to Columbia Will Verify.

Made by T. Larry Ga, t..
It is indeed a pleasure for homely
man to visit our State capitol since
the newly elected officers have gone
into power, for he is made to feel
happy, at home and handsome. 10
Judge froha the faces Of the public
servants whom the people have Sc
lecte3 to serve them for the next two
years, q stranger would think that
our voters had either gotten them out
of grab bag or selected them in the
dark. We are told that "beauty un-
adorned is most adorned" but it
would be a difficult undertaking to
impair the looks Of those officers by
too much a1ornment. In fact, ii you
could encase their heads in q corn
sack it would be decided improve
ment. We have all heard OF the
homely fellow whose face would scare
a locomotive off the track. I have
never met that ungaiply individual,
but feel assured If he was exhibited
along side of our Governor, Secre-
tary of State, and last, but far from
least, our State Treasurer, that he
could pass among art critics for the
model from which the statue Of Apollo
was carved, and be thing Of beauty
and a JOY forever. I do net believe
that the Creator of mankind has any
special grievance against South Car
olina, but when our worthy body OF
State officers were being manufac-
!. tured, all the good looks material had
been used up and only some ragged
and jagged ends were left over: As
consolation to we homely mortals
it is said that '.beauty is only skin
Deep" But this certainly don't ap-
ply to our; friends in the Stste house,
for you might skin them down into
the bone without resching the seat
of their ugliness. 1t is just born in
them, and you might run them
through bark mill and it couldn't
be ground out. They would just
have to be moulded over again.
Not being endowed with angelic
beauty myself, I feel have right
to comment on other peoples look,
and that I am critic on LONELINESS.
But when I do enter our State capi-
tol, and pay my respect to the officers,
always return to the hotel with
smiling face, and spend delightful
hour in admiring my classic features
in mirror. 1t is like gazing upon
some lovely landscape from mount
ain top, after ascending through a
rough and rugged wilderness. We
have all heard of the pocket knife
presented to the homely fellow, with
the command that when ne found an
uglier man than himself, to turn it
over. Now, did the owner of the
knife chance to visit Columbia, and
call at our State house, he would be
mysti6ed as to the rightful ownership,
there would be so many worthy claim
ants. Every style of homeliness is
there represented, and it would take
a microscopic Investigation to decide
between the different contestants.
Let US first take our friend, his
excellency. Governor Ellerbe has
an open, honest'face and pleasing
countenance. But there his attrac-
tions end. The Good Book tells US
that man was created from the dust
of the earth. Of course this is true.
But to gaze into our Governors face,
one is led to believe that before the
dust got thoroughly dry dirt dau-
Der came along and worked it over
in all kinds of fantastic shapes. In
fact. sculptor could take dull meat
axe and chunk of wood and in an
hour hew ont q most admirable image
of the Chief Executive of the old
Palmetto State. 1t was said of Jo-
seph E. Brown, of Georgia, that he
looked like an old rebuilt ten rail
fence, staked and ridered. Well, this
would apply to Governor Ellerbe, if
two rails were taken from that fence
and some of the stakes and riders re-
moved.
But our Governor is by no means
vain of his looks, which is accounted
for from the fact that he always keeps
looking glass in his Office. How it
has escape being shiveredinto a thous-
and pieces is mystery unexplained.
It must be piece Of polished steel
armor. If Uncle Sam could have the
component parts Of the mirror that
hangs in the Governors Office an
alyzed, we would have a coating for
our warships that a thunderbolt
couldn't phaze or dent.