The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1899-06-13
In the Best Of Humor.

A Defnition.-Johnny-P what is
a plutocrat?
Papa man who has as much
money as I'd like to have.-Puck
Mistress (to Norah)--What must be
the condition of person in order to be
buried in consecrated ground?
Norah Tin great surprise)-Dead,
mum!-Judge.
Wife (earnestly)-G dear, 1
have prayed SO fervently of late for
a tailor made gown, that feel it would
be flying in the face of Providence not
to go and get measured at once
Brooklyn Life. p
II met that red-haired Jones girl to-
day." remarked the young woman.
Tut, tut, my dear" cautioned her
mother. Her hair is auburn now. She
has just inherited fortune."-Chicag
Post.
your number" said the warden to
the new prisoner, lis $780,"
THANK you," replied the ex-cashier,
1--WE been trying for years to get into
society, and here I am in the 400 at
last."-Chicago News.
Angy New-Yes, I quarreled with
ers in the company sided with him, /
resigned.
Sue Brette-But didn't any one take
your part?
Angy New-Only one understudy.-
Stray Stories.
Mrs. Styles shall never invite Mr..
Funnman to dinner again.
Mr.. Styles-Why not? He is very
entertaining chap
Mrs. Styles-Thats just it. He tells
such funny stories that he makes the
butler laugh.-Harper's Bazaar
Young Mr.. Justwed-My darling, why
are you crying?
Young Mrs. Justwed-I have just
read here (boo hoo) that all the world
loves a lover. Harry, swear to me that
you do not reciprocate their horrid af
fections. -Philadelphia North Ameri-
can.
Mrs BelleviIle Smith had been kept
at home by illness; but Bellevilie Smith
had gone. Yes, the opera was very
good. But suppose you can't tell me
how anybody there was dressed
sighed Mrs. Smith, dejectedly. WE'LL
saw one fat woman in a gown SO small
for her that she must have been dressed
by hydraulic pressure" replied Smith.
Detroit Journal.
THAT man who called here yesterday
says that you are the most formidable
specimen Of political boss he ever saw"
THE one who was talking about leg
islation?" asked Senator Sorghum, as a
smile gently illumined his face.
Yes"
WELL" was the rejoinder, as hard,
cold look supplanted the smile, you
don't want to pay too much attention
| to him. These lobbyists are all such
latterers. "-Washington Star.
''The other night" said the fat
| boarder, Il slept in a room with a gen.
erous gentleman. I snore hofribly-,in
| fact, I'm snorer from way back. We
retired. In the morning when we arose
| this gentleman handed me a silver half
! dollar.
What's that fof?' said I.
| oh, take it. he replied. You have
won it. You deserve it
| But what for?' said I.
On, take the money and go and
| BUY yourself several first-class drinks
| l like you. You are the best one / ever
| saw. You are the only man I ever saw
who could snore louder than I could
| holler. Boston Journal
1t is told of a certain bishop that
| while dining at the house of one of his
| friends he was pleased to observe that
he was the object of marked attention
from the son of his host, whose eyes
We're firmly riveted upon him. After
dinner the bishop approached the boy
and asked: Well my young friend,
you seem to be interested in me. Do
| you find that I am all right?" YES,
| SIR, said the boy, with glance at the
bishops knee breeehes. You're all
right; only thesitatingly) won't your
mamma let you wear trousers yet?"-
| Tit-Bits.