The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1899-04-16

oL the piano sounded as if that instru-
hent mad produced the disagreeable sound.
mat Is all right now" said the man IS
ne leIt the piano, only it was a stove man
you needed instead of the piano man.
The trials of the best man are told in
the New York Sun as follows.
This said the bachelor. has been nv
busy week" O4 NY
Church,"
Yes. Holy week, you know"
On yes; to be sure. forgot about
tnat' No, L haven't been going to church.
We been attending to my duties as best
man. I'm it foFltwo weddings"
Weddings in Holy week"
mo, of course not. The weddings aren't
Que for several days, but the arduous
dutes OF my role began ten days ago. I'll
never get married. No, Stree! If there
wasn't any other reason, why, I'd never
nave the cruelty to ask a friend of mine
70 go through the troubles of best man.
I've been through them too often myself
In the first place. they
'Who?"
why, the individuals commonly referred
to as The happy man Happy! You never
saw such good imitation of blue funk as
brldegroom-to-be can give during his
last week of bachelorhood. His mental
and moral teeth are all of a chatter, and
he clngs to his best man like a prisoner
10 his last hope. I've jollied a dozen of
them through that interesting period, and
I've seen good, sensible, hard-headed fell
lows go clean daft before they got through.
I'll never forget one chap. The wedding
was to be at u O'Clock, and, of course, We
were out in the vestry quarter of an hour
ahead of time, SO as to be sure to be
ready. That is one advantage the man has.
He can drive there with a leisurely mar
gin to spare; but the bride has to time
her trip so as to get to the front door as
nearly as possible on the stroke of the
hour. OF course, she doesn't want to
wait around the vestible, so she is gen
orally at least a few minutes late
But. bless you. the bridegroom never
thinks of that He just walks holes in
the vestry carpet eats the ends off his
glove fingers and bullyrags the long-suf-
fering best man. This particular chap be-
gan to fume about five minutes before Y
o'clock. At three minutes 10 II he was
white with terror. When his watch showed
the very hour he began saying things.
She amt coming! he snapped out.
I won't wait
"'Go way with your 1 said. Did you
think she was so anxious to have you
that she'd come down here at daybreak
to be sure to be on timer
" But it's past the time now he pro-
tested, showing me his watch, which in
dicated thirty seconds after II o'clock
learned later to get hold of the happy
mans watch before he went to the church
and turn it back from five to twenty min
utes. according to his condition. This
time, unhappily, 1 hadn't done so, and
the poor fellow simply got more fright
ened with every tick of his watch. AT
two minutes after u he made dive for
the door
" 4 won't wait he said when I caught
him by the arm. I tell you 1 won't wait
TO be made a laughing stock of. Those
people in there jerking his thumb toward
the church, are talking about it now.
can hear them. They know she won't
come. tell you l won't stay
But tell you she'll be here in few
minutes protested. She's only little
late
"'well, then, if she's late, she isn't
worth waiting for anyway. I-she-'
HE was just a blethering idiot by that
time, you know, and I simply restrained
him by force for a few minutes until we
were notified that the young lady had
arrived. Then L wiped the cold perspira-
ton from his forehead and from mine,
addressed him in few bracing phrases
which shriveled the paper on the vestry
walls, took him by him arm-limp it was
as a rag-and steered him into the
church.
"Why, you've no idea of the number of
snags a prospective bridegroom runs
against the week before he is married.
I'll never forget the first time one of
them came to me to be rescued from the
hat problem. He had that look of utter
despair I've so often seen on their faces,
poor things. He looked as If he was say
| ing:
=, H. Tfrre.
| been as meek as a Christian martyr, but
the worm has turned
what he did say was: How do get
my hat?'
"'Hat?' said.
." That's wat sald' he declared. How
do get my hat? Tell me that, will your
Beg or borrow it, my dear fellow
! said. recovering myself and trying to he
J facetious That is the faYorite method Of
obtaining 1t. I don't advise you to steal
one unless you want to do a comic-opera
act and pass your wedding eve In the
county jail
"'Don't get gay he said briefly but
| fell me how am to get my hat after the
ceremony is over. I've had a sleepless
night over that thing. go into the church
| nv the back door, don't 1? And l go out
nv the front door. Now, how do I get my
hat when 1 go out? he persisted, his voice
| getting higher. "I can't take it to the altar
| with me, | can't ask to be excused
after the ceremony so that can run back
TO the yestry and get it. What am I go
ing to do, I want to know?'
'fWell now, you know, most people don't
| think of those little things until they run
| right up against them, but 1 tell you, when
| a bridegroom-to-b be meets problem, even
| If its one that wouldn't feaze an infant,
he Just topples back on to his best man
| and bowls for help. I've got two of them
on my hands now, and the two of them
together won't be as happy as 1 shall be
when their carriage doors have both
| banged shut and they are off on their hon
| eymoons l don't know what excuse other
| people have for that tired feeling in spring
| but the best man at an Easter wedding
| needs no other excuse"
The woman with a hobby told the Chi
cago News how it was that she became
| a vegetarian.
mo" she said, 81 am a vegetarian,
not strictly because I believe that eat
| ing meat is harmful to a person There