West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1899-11-09
HUMBUG ADVERTISING.
A Paper Written For aud Read BE
fore the Last session Of the State
Editorial Association at FL.
kins June Ist, 1899.
, ny MISS MAY FAIRFAX MORGAN.

by MISS NAY FAIRFAX MORGAN.
\>~AtA-AN4<.e@aA
lRoprinted from the Tenth Annual Report
just published by the secretary.l
There is 80 much rank humbugrerY
in the advertising of the period that
the question is of far reaching i'm.
portance and demands the special at.
tention of the editors OF free America.
who are mainly to blame for this cir
Gus like show-bill class of advertising
You will find moro or less OF il in
every paper you pick up and ITS insinu.
ating Influences peryades almost every
department. of the paper. Every news.
paper man seems TO be thoroughly
grounded in the belief that Barnum
the great and gone Snowman. was ab
soluteIy right when he declared that
the American people love to be hum
ougged" and they proceed TO GRITTY
this love 10 bouudless extent. until
1t seems that the limit has surely been
reached and n reaction ready and ripe
To set in, at least we hope so and want
W '1inN ohi NpANS auu Wltlu our pen
in behalf ofa long suffering reading
public that has been imposed on so
long aud SO much that IL hardly dares
read the papers any more without
great risk OF being April fooled any
month in tho gear. You get your ia
vorite paper and settle down comfor
taoly to read an interesting sketch of
The Charge at San Juan Hilr and
down near the end YOU find that some
gallant Rough RIDER was cured of
nervous prostration after using three
bottles of Paines Celery Compound
You turn over TO another page in "a
roproachful frame OF mind and start to
read beautiful selection OF poetry
that heRins with
"In the spring the birds are singing.
As they build their summer home
Blades OF grass and buds are springing.
q er the mead the cattle roam"
The first verse sounds pretty well,
80 you continue and an other verse
reads
In the spring that tired feeling
Makes you every duty shl K
Makes you feel liko boggi ~, ste .linp.
Rather than engage III worS i"
Then comes the last verse and the
humbug part OF 1t that we protest
against
But there is something known that will a
Man 90 health aud vIgor lead
Ton will find Hoods sarsqparIua
Just exactly what you need"
Hum ugged again, and you throw
the paper down in disgust and pick up
Daily with "A handsome picture of our
Governor or EX.Sccretary OF State or
some other prominent official aud start
TO read "a short account OF his career or
some interview on the Senatorial com
test or political pros pcct and you learn
that Peruna has been used in his family
or Oy his frie nds with great success
In despair you take up the SUNDAY
school Times, or the Christian Advo.
cate and commence u read a common
tary on the Lamentations OF faro.
miah" and find the suggestion offered
that the Prophets melancholy frame
OF mind may have been caused by I'm.
dlgcstion brought on from eating bis
cults baked without Royal Baking
Powder" or bread raised without
Magic Yeast" April first is the only
day in the year that you can stand this
KIND Of foolin' and enjoy IL. so the
ratio is S64 to l that you throw the
paper down and feel that you have a
grievance for the rest of the dav
However the next mail brings vour
tavorite Magazine and the first thing
you see when you open IL is the legend
Good Morning Have you used Pears
soap !" You skip about half OF the
rest OF the magazine in order TO get
away from the advertisements and
stop at an interesting looking article
headed The Parting Of Josephine and
Napoleon, Love Strove with Ambition.
But in Vain There is picture OF
the great warror and his beautiful wife
ia the grand drawing room Of the
French Court. The Emperor is look
ing as stern and grave as when me
crossed the Alps, the Empress Is i'm
tears your sympathy and interest IS
enlisted at once and you start 90 read
tins romantic and enticing sketch.
Half way through IL you grow suspi.
cious and turning oyer 20 the end YOU
read the fatal words Address DR.
Il. v Pierce. Buffalo New York "
That settles it aud you want 10 bring
damage suit right away or have some
one arrested for obtaining your time
and attention under false pretenses
Why is IL that the Patent Medicine,
advertisers insist on having TOP Of
column. alongside OF reading matter
and Immediately following reading
matter And then resort TO All
kinds Of tricks OF The trade TO entrap
the unwarY into reading OF the won.
derful cures effected by their well
known 'eme dies ?" And why head a
testimonial OF Chamberlain's Couqb
Remedy, "snatchcd from the Jaws Of
Death ~ or THE Graye Gives Back its
Dead THIS Is worse than .he side
show fakir in the zenith OF his glorv