The age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1897-1902, 1899-02-05
IAN Anticipated Joke.
BY EVEN MACPHERSON.



ty of a platitude as an introduction Is that
one can use it SO without fear of being
contradicted at the beginning. In this case
a practical joke is the hinge of the whole
affair.
Michael Vance set out to make a law
practice for himself with very serious diff
ficulties against him. In the first place,
ne had a widowed mother to take care OF,
and all the resources independent of his
own work. on which he could count were
summed up in just $4,000 of invested
money, the dividends on which were Dig
enough in some years and much too small
I'm others. This his whole patrimony'
Besides his mother, he had the girls, ana
that very comprehensive term meant wnen
Michael Vance used it, not the gay ana
giddy, and altogether delightful ssterhood
to whom most young men offer offerings
of flowers, candy, theater tickets and 9TH
er such pleasant matters, but two sisters,
daughters of his own father and mother.
One of these two had developed remarkably
in an intellectual sense, and the other In
the direction of vocal music; the former
was still at Vassar, the latter had to be
supported in Paris.
Marriage? Well, Vance may have
thought of that from time to time as
thing to be desired for 1.-THE girls but
for himself-it hardly suggested posi-
bility
He knew two or three other young men
in his own city, of course, and was on
speaking turns with a score. But, in the
circumstances, he could hardly be expected
to mix much more in mems society than
in womens. Life was all one hard, grim
grind for him.
The odd thing about It, considering that
he was not over "a, was that he seemed
rather to like life. Perhaps he had a taste
for the grim and the hard. That, at least,
was what the other young men said OF hlm'
'vance is a sort of cast-ron figure OF
man." said one of his few acquaintance,
young people were talking him over one
evening at a dance from. which he, as
usual, was absent.
The same epigrammatic youth was re-
minded of this saying a whole year later
by one of the young women who had heard
him utter it.
WELL" he said, 81 still stick to it. Flesh
and blood could neither work nor endure
like that fellow"
Eyes, but you said it in mockery. 1t
seems likely to turn out serious truth"
II meant it just as l said 1t
I'm the sense that cast-ron figures don't
include brains in their makeup?"
mot by any means. l know as much
about Michael Vance's brains as most peo-
pie, guess. But what about his brains
now in particular"
"oh, only that he has been appointed as
sistant to the prosecuting attorney"
you don't say!''
Eyes, 1 do say. I'm afraid you know
more about waltzing than about current
news, Mr. Bridges. But, what is more, he
very nearly had to refuse the appoint
ment."
Refuse it?"
Because he had his hands so full of his
own practice"
This was a grand surprise to the joyous
and amusing young Mr.. Bridges. He had
always had a high respect for the distin-
gushing characteristics of Michael Vance
that were so unlike his own but he had
not expected to hear of their winning sue
cess for at least a decade to come.
"Who would have thought Vance would
have got at such a tremendous pace9"
be began. Haven't you heard? Why, he's
going to be made assistant prosecuting at
torney soon as Holt goes into office"
"Then he'll have to sit up all night to
do the work." said very young gentleman
whose father happened to be a county
court judge. ut takes him all daylight to
do his own work now"
perhaps he ought to have a stenograph-
err" said Miss Lillian Shadd 81 wish he'd
have me. I can do fifty words a minute.
with your tongue your pencil?"
Bridges sarcastically asked.
But the upshot of this chatter and chaff
was a plot. Five young people united in
and it is not uncharitable to imagine that
two of the conspirators have since repent
ed several times-the thing is at least like
ly.
date of that party, received as many as
eight personal applications from young wo-
men who wanted the position OF
stenographer in his office. His office was
hardly large enough, at that time, to hold
himself his law library. one client and one
very small office boy.
These personal applications were very
troublesome and very embarrassing, but
there were also applications by mail. all
from young women to which Vance felt
bound in courtesy to reply. The plot of
the five had worked very well so far.
But in the meanwhile Vance had discov-
cred the advertisement in the local paper
nv which all this trouble had been brought
upon him and before the end of that week,
not only had the publishers of the paper
been obliged to suppress the fraudulent adj
vertisement but Vance had substituted for
1t one like this:
.To Observation-Disclosures desiring po-
eitions as stenographers and typewriters
are hereby warned that the advertisement
lately inserted in this column in the name
of Mr.. Michael Vance was so inserted
without his knowledge or wish. Any in
formation which may lead to the identifica-
ton of the fool or fools who plagiarized
this joke firm the late Theodore Hook will
be gratefully received by the said Michael
a Vance"
The story of the plot against Vance, and
of his counter to 1t, created much stir
in the little circle which included the con-
spring five. Nobody came forward to in
form on Them but Lillian Shadd, herself
member of the band, unguardedy gave
herself and the others away. She took
offence at the phrase fool FOOLS in
Vance's card and cut him on the street. 1t
was summer day and she took refuge in
her parasol Vance deliberately turned
round and walked after her, caught up
with her and, politely raising his hat, said:
'.Didn't you see me just now, Miss Shadd?'
"Oh!" she exclaimed-or, rather scream
ed Then recovering her dignity, she ans
wered, 1T didn't suppose you would want
to speak to a fool or FOOLS Mr. Vance!'
"rhere are some persons, believe,
said Vance answering to that description