The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-01-05
MR.. DOOLEY.
He Gives His Opinion On Alfalfa As
Defensive Armor.
Chicago Journal.)

Chicago JournaL)
Mr.. Dooley had been reading about
General Skaters abandoned enterprise
for capturing Santiago by means of a
load of hay. and it filed him with great
enthusiasm. Laying down his paper, he
said: by dad, 1 always said they give
me frind Snafter tn worst iv it. If
they'd left him do tn job tn way he
wanted TO do X he'd We taken Sandago
without loSin' an ounce.
How was it he Wanted to do II!
Mr.. Hennessy asked.
Well said Mr.. Dooley, twas this
way This is tn Wy it was. or Ger
vera's feet was in tn harbor an bot
tied Up, as tn mall says. Shafter he
says to Sampson: Lock here, me bucko,
what tn divvle ARE ye loafin' ar-round
out therefr,' he says, like dept y
shelf at a prize fisnt::' he says. Why.
don't We go III an smash tn CASTLES?
he says. I'm dCin' we'll where l am
says Sampson. TIL navy iv tn United
States he says, which is wan iv tn
best, if not tn best, in the worruId,'
FIR sthreet fghtin',' he says. Well stay
here he says, where we ARE he says,
until he says, we can equip tn ships
with noomatfc tire Wheels he says,
an ball bearin's,' he says.
WELL says Shafter, if we won't go
in he says. we'll show ye tn way he
says. An he calls on Cap Brice. that
was wan iv tn youngest an fastest
dhressers in tn whole crool an devas-
tain war. Cap he says, is they amy
hay in tn Campo he says. 'Slathers iv
it,, says tn cap. 'Onless, he says, til
sojers ct it he says. TIL las load iv
beer that come down firm tn undher-
takers he says, was no good he says.
'Ayther,' he says, twas improperly
walked he says, or he says, tn pail
bearers was careless, he says. Amy
how he says, TIL sojers won't eat it,
an whin 1 left they was loolkin' greed
lily at tn hay, he says. Cap, says
Gin'ral Shafter, if amy man ates a
wisp shoot him on the spot he says.
Those hungry sojers may desthroy me
hopes iv vichtry,' he says. What dye
mane?' caps Cap Brice. 1 name this,
says Gin'ral Shafter. I name to take
yon fortress he says. I'll Sind ye in,
Cap he says, in a ship protected by
hay he says. Her turrets ill be al
falfa; she'll have three inches iv solid
timothy to tn Wather line, an wan
inch iv tn best clover below tn watheT
line he says. Did we liver see an eight
inch shell pinitrate bale iv hay he
says L niver did, says Cap Brice.
Maybe that was because l nfver see it
thried,' he says BE that as it may,
says Gin'ral Shafter. we niver see it
done. No more did I, he says. 'Onless,
he says, they shoot pitchforks' he
says, they'll nfvel' HURT ye,' says he
Yell be onvincible,' he says. Yell
proceed into tn harbor,' he says, be
hind the sturdy armor iv produce, he
says. Let ye're watchword be Stay
on tn far-rm,' and go on to victhry,'
he says. 'Ginral, says Cap Brice, how
can 1 thank We FIR tn honor" he says.
IT'S no wondher tn men call We their
fodder he says. Twas joke Cap
Brice med at tn time I'll do tn best
| can he says, an if I die in tn at
tempt he says, bury me where tn
bran mash IL wave over me grave he
says.
AN Gin'ral Shafter he got together
his fleet an put tn armor on it. Twas
4 formidable sight. They was tn
cruiser Box Stall, full armored with
sixty bales iv tn finest grade iv
chopped feed: tn R-red Barn,
nodhern hay battleship protected be
whole NOW iv timothy, an tn gallant
fttle Haycock, torpedo boat shootin'
deadly missiles iv explosive oats. Tn
expedition was delayed be wan iv tn
mules sthrollin' down to tn shore an
atm up tn afther batthry an part
" tn ram iv tn R-red Barn. an be-
fore repairs was made Admiral Ger
vera heerd iv what was goin' on. Clio
" be to the saints he says, what an
niaynious tribe these Yankees is
says he 'On'y a few weeks ago they
-hried to desthroy me be dumpin' a
Dad iv coal on me- he says, an now
ne says. they're goin' to smother me in
iced he says. They'll be rollin' barrs
v flour on me firm tn hites Mex he
says I'd better git out says he. lis
ar nobler' he says, to purrish on tn
.-ragn' MAN, he says, thin to die with
we're lungs full iv hayseed an ye'er
Eyes full iv dust, he says. L was born
n a large city, he says, an 1 don't
know tn rules iv tn barn. he says.
An he whit out an took his lickin'.
Twas too bad Shafter didn't get a
.hanst at him, but he's give tn tip to
h la-ads that makes tn boats. No
more ixpinsive steel an ir'n. but good
Tn ship yards'll be moved firm tn say
IN laid down in tn neighborhood iv
Polo, Illinye an all tn Mississippi
ring with tn sound iv tn
;cythe an tn pitchfork, buildin' tn
iehnse iv our counthry's honor. Thank
h Lord, we've winrows an winrows
V Skaters armor plate between here
IN Dubuque"
Mr.. Hennessy said good night. GAS
ne cousin used to say" he remarked.
we're through with wan hell iv a bad
year, an here goes FIR another like it,"
WELL said Mr.. Dooley. may tn
Lord niver sind us a foolisher wan
han this"