davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
A STRING OF DON'TS
Some of Which May Be Helpful If Re-
membercd ana Put Into
Daily Practice.

Don't eat candy in the theater if it
neccssitates rafting paper during the
performance. Besides it is bad form to
eat in public.
Don't let your dress drag when walk
ing down stairs unless you want to add
materially to your collection of mi
crobes-to say nothing of the dust.
Don't worry because there are half
dozen freckles on your nose. No one
VIII notice them if you don't call at
tention to them. Besides, they have
probably been there all winter.
Don't order more than you can eat
simply because some one is looking at
you. independence is more to be ad-
mired than extravaganza.
Don't wait for inspiration to say
something graceful when you walk up
to congratulate the bride. Impromptu
speeches are always more successful
when they are prepared beforehand
Don't scowl at the conductor if he
fails to let you off at the right corner.
\ sweetly resigned look will draw the
sympathy of the passengers and an ath-
letic apology from the pasteboard col
lector-but if you look cross and ugly,
they'll smile and think it good joke
on you.-Detroit Free Press.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13

suppose? 1 have provided one certifi-
cate of birth, don't l tell you?"
Deep into the silence the soft sarcasm
sank. Goggle-eyed they stood for a
minute. Bill white and Pippleton red
Then their feet started shuffling, and
next moment they somehow found
themselves gasping outside.
''You-you done this!' choled Bill,
swinging his fist. ''No lies; l say you
done it. Lumme, I'll"
Il never, Bill! Me? Strike me lucky if
I've saida word it was in my sleep, when
you never don't know The missus
says to me. she says: All. you can larf-
so can we. Swop me bob, Bill, | hadn't
opened my blessed mouth that much
Bill, you're never going off that ratty
over nothing? Can 1 help my missus?
Amt | had all my vegetables off you
since when? Well, there!"
What did you marry her for?" asked
Bill, hotly; but he stopped. For two
pms I'd go and kick copper an get
run in, would. To think my nipper-
let go!"
'H"h l. ne all rlSnI-1at as but
ter. Now, choke it down and come on.
Why here, you chump, you can get
your own back over this a knock-art.
Ha, ha, we never thought of that.
Lumme, Bill, we've got 'em set.''
Have We? How? More o your KIDD"
My kid? No, you mug. can't you
see? Why, next time
A whisper, wink, and the two went
off roaring-St. Paul's.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
A Modern MaIaDrOD.

Of the western world was modern
Mrs Malaprop, pretty, amiable and
rich, who sat to the author for her por-
trait. "She told me-" she says, that
her husband 'hobnobbed with every
body and told such cotton wool (cock
and bulD stories; that girl she knew
was training to be an 'archdeacon'
(deaconess); that she was obliged to
part with herscoachman because he was
such gay Othello;' that she had In
dian rubber tiles put on the wheels of
her carriage; that man she knew was
regular 'marmoset' (martinet) in his
own house; and a certain title always
descended from uncle to nephew, as
they invariably died childish Among
the numerous celebrities whom Miss
Merrick met in India was Lord Roberts,
whose antipathy to cats gave rise to
little story Of metempsychosis. On one
of his homeward voyages Lord Roberts
asked to have the cat removed when
he came on board ship and a stranger,
not knowing who he was, said to Lady
Roberts: Don't you think that little
gentleman over there must have been
a mouse in former state?' with a
Palette in Eastern Palaces
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
THE LEGAL VIEW.

In determining whether or not per.
son is a habitual criminal under a stat
ute making him such after two former
imprisonments for felony it is held, III
state VS.. Martin (Ohio), 43 l.. r. A. "a,
that Imprisonment terminated by un-
conditional pardon cannot be counted.
The damages which florist may re-
cover for injury to plants by escaping
gas are held, in Dow VS.. Winnipesaukee
Gas and Electric company On. H., AZ
l.. r. A. 500, not to include any in jury to
his business reputation on account of
sales of damaged plants, as'that is con-
Jectural and too remote to be allowable.
Describing land as Lying on the
south side' of nonnavigable river,
which is also named as a boundary, is
held, in Hanlon VS.. Hobson (Col.), AZ
L. r. A. 502, to convey land to the CEN
ter of the river. The question of the
effect of bounding grant on river or
tide water is discussed, with careful
analysis of the decisions, in note to
this case.
The serious conflict of authority on
the duty of land owners to keep prem
ises safe is considered in Ritz VS.. Wheel
ing CIV. Va.), 43 L. r. A. 14S, in which
it is held that there is no such duty to-
wards trespassers even if they are chill
dren, and that negligence to create a
right of action in their favor must be
SO gross as to amount to a wanton in
jury.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
IN TIE BARBER'S CHAIR.

If you go into d barber shop and find
them not busy. they say it is The first
slack spell that day.-Washington Dem
ocrat.
A HoitoD (Kan.) barber advertises
that he has two complete sets oftools,
ones for white men and one for Indi-
ans" kansas City Star.
Clergymon (as he gets out of the bar
ber's chair)-'"That's an awful doll
razor you shaved me with" Barber
Zone of the Clergyman parishioners)
Il hope it isn't quite as dull as your
sermon was yesterday boston Cour-
ier.
''Ever have your hair singed?' asked
the barber OF the man who has thin
thatching upon the top of his head.
occasionally. Once furnace blew out
on me, once mistook gasoline for kero-
sene, and once the gas range exploded
while I was Investigating leak. DE
trolt Free Press.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
TITLED BUSINESS FOLK.

Lord Londonderry was the first peer
to engage in the coal business.
Lord Sudeley has a fourishing jam
business, making a speciality of whole
fruit preserves.
The great banking house of Barring
has produced several peers; the present
head, Lord Revelstolle, shares his life
between society and business.
The marquis of Butte is one of the
wealthiest men in the United Kingdom.
He neither rides, races, fishes nor
shoots, but he owns the only vineyard
in the British isles.
Lord Ardilaun and his brother, Lord
Iveagh, are the head of the great clan
OF Guinness, known throughout the
business world. They draw salaries
bigger than the income of a prime min
lister.
TO Lord Harrington belongs the dis
tinction of having been the first peer
who actually opened a London shop.
He has a fruit store at Charing Cross,
and the fruits and flowers grown on his
estate are there offered for sale.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Gloves Seved ia Pockets.

The weather being too hot for gloves
in the street, the mirrors of fashion
are carrying hand coverings in their
side pockets, with the tips of the fin
gers sticking out. This is just to show
that they've got a pair. Constant
watchfulness is required to keep the
things peeping out the correct dis
tance. as they are inclined to weaken
and slip out Of sight. Young Van Nor
den has overcome this by sewing the
finger tips of new pair of cheap gloves
in the top of his pocket. 1t reminds
one of the oid-time dandies who wore
the corner of a handkerchief where it
could be seen. Those who did this
''sported" red neckties, and often the
handkerchief was not fit for polite So
ciety to gaze upon. Happily these old
fools are dying out.-N. Y. Press.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
DRIVING OXEN TO KLONDIKE.
Fifteen Months in Going Half the
Distance from Edmonton
to Dawson.

G. W. Lang, of San Antonio, Tex, and
his partner undertook to drive a herd
of cattle and horses to the Klondike.
They started in February, 1898, with so
head of steers and 80 horses, from Ed
monton, Northwest territory. The out
fit is now at Deadwood lake, l, 400 miles
on the way to Dawson City. Half of the
oxen are still alive and nearly all of the
horses. If they are reasonably success
ful they will reach their destination
next fall.
Knowing the perseverance of the
men, it is safe to presume they will get
there, even though they drive but a
single emaciated OK to the slaughter
house at Dawson City.
With two or three helpers Lang and
his partner started on their long jour
ney of over 1000 eventful miles, about
the middle of February, 1898. They
took the trail leading to Athabasca
Landing, thence up the Athabasca and
Little Slave rivers to Lesser Slave
lake, distance from Edmonton of 300
miles.
''It was while resting our horses at
this post" says traveller, who has re-
Gently returned from the Klondike,
that we first saw them with their long
string of yoked oxen, slowly, patiently
hauling their loads. They did not APP
pear to strain, but by reason of their
ponderous weight alone the sleigh fol-
lowed their slow deliberate steps. The
men were weary when they reached that
point. For month they had been up
at four a. m. to feed their stock, and
were in a state of constant activity un-
til long after dark. During the day
they Travelled continuously, never
stopping at noon for lunch, but eating
their hardtack as they walked. Already
one of the men had played out and was
forced to return, thus increasing the
hardships for those remaining.
"On being asked as to their rate of
progress one of the party responded
cheerfully: oh, we get along very we'll.
Some days we make as high as 10 or 70
miles
The usual daily average for prospect
ors with horses is from 20 to 25 miles,
The drivers did not stop at the post sta
tions. Rest was not considered in their
schedule. Each steer was packed with
from 200 to 800 pounds. Having cloven
pointed hoofs, they sank into the trail,
and often had to be pulled out with
ropes.
The last news of the party reported
them to be spending the winter at Dead
wood lake, where they had stopped in
the fall, early enough to put up lit
tie hay for the stock. Lang had died
on the way, but his partner was deter
mined to push on to Dawson City.-Chi-
cago Inter Ocean.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

English-speaking people are said TO
have the best foreheads and eyebrows.
The Monadnock block, Chicago. is
said to have daily population of
5000.
High cheek bones always indicate
GREAT force of character in some direc-
ton.
Mrs. Elizabeth Skeats. who died re-
Gently in London, was the mother of
six policemen.
Ponies have an average weight of 440
pounds; that of horses varies from 660
pounds to 1910 pounds.
The most extensive cemetery in the
world is that at Rome, in which over
600 human beings have been inferred.
An analyst has made the discovery
that California roses contain 20 per
cent. more perfume than those grown
elsewhere.
The original draft of the confederate
constitution is in the possession of
I.ongstreet Hull at Athens, Ga. Mr..
Hull is a grandson Of Thomas r. r.
Cobb, chairman of the committee who
drew the document.
Several stage-loads of Readville
(Mass.) people, who thought they were
having a free ride from a real estate
sale in a neighboring town, gave up
a total of $40 to a footpad masquerad-
ing as a fare collector.
Funerals on Sunday are discounten-
anced by Is clergymen of New Bruns-
wick, n. J., not only because of the un-
necessary and uncalled-for strain upon
them as clergymen, but because of the
amount of Sunday labor required of
laboring men who need rest.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
ALWAYS MADE HOME HAPPY

In an old churchyard STOOD stone'
Weather-marked and stained.
The hand of time had crumbled it.
So only part remained
Upon one side could just trace,
I'm memory of our mother"
-ssShe always made home happyr'-this
Was chiseled on the other.
I gazed on monuments of fame,
High ring to the skies;
] saw the sculptured marble stone
Where a great hero lies;
But by this epitaph l paused,
And read it DER and DER;
For 1 have never seen inscribed
Such words as these before.
-''She always made home happy" What
A noble record lefti
A legacy of mem'ries sweet
To those whom death bereft
What testimony to her worth
BY those who knew her best;
Engraven on this crumbling stone
That marked their mothers rest.
1t was narrow resting place
Among the humble poor;
But they had seen their mother toll
And patiently endure.
They marked her willing sacrifice,
As one by one she bore
Her cross-like burdens up the hill,
Till all her toll was DER.
So when God stilled her weary heart,
Folded her hands so white,
And she was carried from the home
She always made so bright,
Her children reared a monument
That riches could not buy,
The witness of a noble life,
Whose record is on high.
Christian Intelligencer
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Like n LQIV

Frances" said the little girls NAM
ma, who was entertaining callers in the
parlor, you came downstairs SO noisilv
that you could be heard all over the
house. You know how to do it better
than that. Now go back and come
down the stairs like LADY,
Frances retired, and after the lapse
of few minutes reentered the parlor.
did you hear me come downstairs
this time, mamma?'
No, dear | am glad you came down
quietly. Now don't let me have TO tell
you again not to come down noisily,
for l see that you can come quietly if
you will. Now tell the ladies how YOU
managed to come down like a lady
the second time, while the first time
YOU made SO much noise.''
THE last time | slid down the ban
istcrs,' explained Frances.-Harper'
BaZar
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Where Pie Is a Deiicacy,

The people of Bulgaria are cordial to
strangers. In visiting a Bulgarian
home you are expected to take off your
shoes and put on your hat. At the
dining table the entire family sits
cross-legged upon the ground around
table not more than foot in height.
Meats, vegetables and other edibles are
cooked together and so served. There
are no potatoes in Bulgaria. Pie is
given the greatest distinction at the
dining table, and it is considered i'll
hammered for one to accept cut when
it is offered the first time. After two
or three entreaties you may then accept
a portion.-Cincinnati Commercial
Tribune
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Congressman Amos j. Cummings.


Pe-ru-na Drug Mfg Co., Columbus, o.
Gentlemen-Pe-ru-na is good for ca
tarrh. 1 have tried it and know it. 1t
relieved me immensely on my trip to
Cuba, and 1 always have a bottle in
reserve. Since my return 1 have not
suffered from catarrh, but if I do l shall
use Pe-ru-na again. Meantime you
might send me another bottle.
Yours, Amos J. Cummings, NJ. c.
Summer catarrh assumes various
forms. 1t produces dyspepsia and
bowel complaint. 1t causes biliousness
and diseases of the liver. 1t deranges
the kidneys and bladder. Summer ca
tarrh may derange the whole nervous
system, when it is known to the medical
profession as a systemic catarrh. Pc
ru-na is a specific for all these forms of
catarrh. Pe-ru-na never disappoints.
Address DIR. Hartman, Columbus, Ohio,
for free book on summer catarrh.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
"Blg Four Gift!'-Neely's SpanIsh-Ameri.
War Panorama.

Contains 100 superb halftone engravings,
made from photographs taken of our Army
in camp, on transports and in actual service,
Spanish and American Gun boats, Cuba, Ha-
vana, Manila, Landscapes, Architecture
shows the manners and customs of the peo-
pie of our new Islands; Pictures of our He
roes-Dewey, General Charles King (known
as Capt. Charles King, the author), Wheeler,
Hobson, Roosevelt, Sampson, Miles, Schley,
Shafter, Lee, Brooks, Carroll; Groups Of
Officers, Cavalry, Artillery, Infantry, Ships,
Rifle, practice, Spanish Soldiers, Insurgents,
Chickamauga, Jacksonville, Tampa, Last
Farewell Letters Home, Hospitals, Clara
Barton, Rough Riders, Santiago, San Juan,
Manila, the Beautiful Women of Cuba and
Manila.
The Album is 51xS inches, weighs II
ounces, printed on finest coated paper.
Sent FREE to any address in the United
States, Canada or Mexico for II cents in
stamps or coin, to cover postage and pack
ing. Copy may be seen at any ticket office
of the Big Four Route.
Order at once, as the edition is limited.
Address WARREN j. LYNCH, General
Passenger and Ticket Agent, Big Four
Route" Cincinnati, Ohio.
Mark envelope "War Album"
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13

and your 'missus? Dyer see that there?
my kids name. That's what you've
bunged into her head between you; but
it won't come off-see?"
''Ernyn-" Pippleton stared. Not
me, Bill. Take my oath 1 amt heard
nothink about it. Lumme. They've
been and 'cocted it between 'em. Why,
it's a gals name, amt it?'
mo, yer fool, it's a dukes name; and
I'm to go to the registrars and spit
that out Me, Swop my bob, Pip,
don't want no row, but I've got to have
it out with your missus or someone be-
fore I've done. It's all her; my Harriet
can't even read back ards; you know
that. I'll"
Don't you do nothink O. the silly
sort, mate. Wimmen are wimmen-
don't forget it. You're that dry-half
old six with head on, Miss! Now look
here, Bill; I've got no kids, so [ amt
never had no bother; but they've got
this idea into their heads. Well and
good; YOU was fool to kick. Go home
and say it's the loveliest name you ever
heard tell on, and you won't have no
other at no mortal price. Then, to-
morrow dinner time, you and me"
The rest died in dramatic whisper;
but enough that they nudged each 9TH
er, and that Bill rubbed his hands, stood
drinks all round the bar and went home
singing whats in a name" says
Shakespeare"
Sharp as one o'clock struck that next
day, Bill left his stall to itself and ran
to meet Pippleton at the corner. Five
minutes later they were pausing nerv-
ously outside the registrars Office.
Its all right" Pippleton whispered.
How'll they know? You met the reg
istrar tearing along with a summons
for not doing it sooner, and he wouldn't
have that Ermingtrooda at no price
stuck out it was dukes patent fam
'ly name; and jest at the very lest min
nit you thought of Bill Who's he?
Come on"
Bill spat on both hands; they took
off their caps, and walked into the pres
ence of the great man, where he sat
among his awesome volumes. They
nudged and pushed each other for
ward; and then at last Bill got rid of his
lump and began.
"'Appy New Year t. yer, sir!' (''Fm
sure" echoed Pippleton.) "Er-we've
just called in to put down the buth of
a newborn male child-not his, mine.
Yus"
''You mean a boy" said the registrar,
testify! ''We only speak in that fash
ion when referring to a demise. Any
date?"
'Date?" Another nudge and stare,
and scratching of heads. "Wen, there,
now, blowed if I-oh! yus, fust O. De-
cember-you know, Pip; I brought
down the rent fourpence short. Yus.
Name2 Bill Simmons, sir-B-i-l--l.
All, of course, William, | should say. [
a int used to this, guv'nor; don't take
my name, too; Fountain court, Shore
ditch. 'Tater salesman"
''In-deed?" The registrar glared
himself, fiicked few pages, and threw
down his pen. Upon my word, don't
know whether you people with your
babies think the public records are kept
here for joke! Your child, sir, was
registered three hours ago by its
mother under the name of-of-ye-es,
Ermyntruda Marmaduke Simmons
sex apparently of no consequence. EX-
actly; two women came. if you remem-
ber. You see how unnecessarily you
waste my time? Too late? My dear
man. the child was only born once, I
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
PRETTY LITTLE NOVELTIES.
[From the jewelers. weekly.l

One of the latest novelties in ladies'
purses has a border of gold pierced
worl: of exquisite design.
A handsome collar buckle of gold is
in tie shape of two shells, each of which
is set with large sapphire.
A handsome brooch. in the shape of a
swan, is thickly studded with diamonds
and pearls, ruby serving as the eye.
A handsome powder box of silver is
triangular in shape. The lid is beau
tifully enameled and set with semi
precious stones.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
An Enifauh.

The following is good epitaph story.
An old Yorkshire farmer died. The
funeral being over, the widow decided
to have tombstone that should do
credit both to the deceased and herself.
To the local stonemason she explained
her wishes: Il don't want nothing out
of tn way, but handsome and simple,
like this: William Wilson, died Octo-
ber the fourth, 1896. Aged eighty-fivs.
The good die young Academy.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Give the Children a Drink

called Grain-O. 1t is a delicious, appetiz-
ing, nourishing food drink to take the place
of coffee. Sold by all grocers and liked by
all who have used it, because when properly
prepared it tastes like the finest coffee but
is free from all its injurious properties
Grain-O aids digestion and strengthens the
nerves 1t is not stimulant but health
builder, and children, as well as adults. ean
drink it with great benefit Costs about u
as much as coffee. Is and 25c.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
A Mean DisnOSitiOn.

Mother-Why don't you try to be
good like Willie Smith? He studies hard
in school and does not try to have fun.
Johnny-Yes he does, ma. He gifts
his fun out of tellin on the rest of us
and seein' US git licked.-N. Y. Journal.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
no your Feet Ache and Burn.

Shake into your shoes, Aliens Foot-Ease,
powder for the feet. 1t makes tight or N ew
Shoes feel Easy. Cures Corns, Bunions,
Swollen, Hot, Callous, Sore, and Sweating
Feet. All Druggists and Shoe Stores sell
it, 25c. Sample sent FREE. Address,
Allen S. Olmsted, LIE Roy, N. Y.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
An Excellent Combination.

The pleasant method and beneficial
effects of the well known remedy,
SYRUP OF FIGS, manufactured by the
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP Co., illustrate
the value of obtaining the liquid laxa-
tive principles of plants known to be
incidentally laxative and presenting
them in the form most refreshing to the
taste and acceptable to the system. It
is the one perfect strengthening laxa-
tive, cleansing the system effectually,
dispelling. colds, headaches and fevers
gently yet promptly and enabling one
to overcome habitual constipation per-
manently. It's perfect freedom from
every Objectionable quality and SUBJ
stance, and it's acting on the kidneys,
liver and bowels, without weakening
or irritating them, make it the ideal
laxative.
In the process of manufacturing figs
are used, as they are pleasant to the
taste, but the medicinal qualities of the
remedy are obtained from senna and
other aromatic plants. by a method
known to the CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP
Co. only. In order to get its beneficial
effects and to avoid limitations, please
remember the full name OF the Company
printed on the front of every package.
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP co.
SAN FRANCISCO. CAL.
LOUISVILLE, KY. NEW YORK, z.
For sale by an Druggists.-Price Soc. per bottle.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Would Be Bad Form.

''No real gentleman, Mr.. Hopkins, would
ever have his photograph taken in dress
suit"
''What do you mean, Miss Simpkins?"
''In order to do so he would have to wear
it in daylight. The Rival.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Exhibits at Paris.

There will be a large exhibit from this
country at the Paris exposition in 1900,
which Will prove very interesting to all who
may attend, but no more so than the news
that the famous American remedy, Hostel
ter's Stomach Bitters, will positively cure
dyspepsia, indigestion. constipation, bilious
ness and nervousness. To all sufferers Of
the above complaints trial is recommend
ed, with the assurance that when honestly
used cure will be effected. 1t also tones
up the entire system.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
FruitIess Ambition.

''Did you see that pale young man calling
out CASH. at the ribbon counter?"
eyes"
'Fate's awfully funny, sometimes. Ten
years ago, when we were boys together, his
one ambition was to be mighty hunter and
catch lions with lasso." Berlin (Md) Her
aid
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Very Likely.

1t is easier for some men to accumu-
late million dollars than it is for 9TH
ers to accumulate debts amounting to
halls that sum.-Chicago Daily News.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13

1 cannot speak too highly of Piso's Cure
for Consumption.--Mrs. Frank Mobbs, 2l5
w. 22d St., New York, Oct. 29, 1894.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13

We believe, in spite of statistics, that
more girls kill themselves eating pickles
chan kill themselves skipping rope.-Detroit
journal.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
Ear Rnck.

Greene-What far-away look that poet
has.
De Witt-Yes; he's thinking of his last
meaE.-Cleveland Leader.
The Winslow mail., 1899-07-13
HaIrs Catarrh Cure
Is taken Internally. Price 75c.

The feet of other people help the cobbler
to get ahead-L. A. ". Bulletin.