The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1899-07-08

Time-His Last Joke Of Note.
washington dispatch 10 the New
York Press: James T. Burke, better
known as "the Duke" whom Mark
Twain made famous as the tramp print
er in "Hucldeberry Finn" died here
week ago. He was one OF the most orig
inai practical 3okers the country ever
knew, and as a printer travelled over the
entire globe. He left no relatives, but
years ago married an ebony princess In
Africa, where, he asserted, he was the
first composltor to aid In printing the
Bible, and was also the friend adviser
Of an African king. necessarily at war
with necessity, his daily existence was
a work Of genius, problem which he
always succeeded in solving by the aid
of audacIous mathematics. He knew
how to practice abstinence with all the
virtue OF an anchorite, but II a slice Of
; fortune fell into his hands he would
then mount himself on the most ruinous
fancies. loving the youngest and pref
tiest, drinking the Oldest and best, and
never finding enough windows out Of
which to throw his money Then, when
his last cent was gone. he would begin
to dine again at that table spread by
chance, at which his place always was
laid, and, preceded by pack Of tricks,
60 poachlng on all the callings that
have any connection with his art in
search Of that wild beast called twenty
i've, cents.
Burke was to be met one day lean
ing against the mantel shelf of FASH
ionable drawing room and the next
seated in the arbor Of some suburban
dancing place. He could not take a
hundred steps in Pennsylvania avenue
without meeting friend. and walk a
square, no matter where, without meet
ing creditor.
His last Joke OF note, few months
prior to his death, was at the expense
OF William Norton, an employe Of the
government printing office. Burke
searched the lost and found columns Of
the local newspapers and noted the
names and addresses of every one ad-
vertising for lost property. Then he
wrote to them something like this:
.'sIr Tor Madame)-You wish to recov-
er your dog tyour watch. your parrot
etc.). William Norton. who resides at
No. - street, has your prop
erty Insist on having 1t back, for you
will have to deal with man who, with
out being positively dishonest, will be-
gin by saying that he does not know
what you mean. Yours for honesty
JOHN COCHRAN"
: John Cochran is Norton's working as
sIstant. The result OF this Joke was that
Norton was arrested twice and was
thrashed several times, while Cochran
suffered at the hands Of Norton, who
would not believe that the signature
wa sd forgery. Detectives followed Nor
ton for weeks, and his wife was in a
state Of extreme enrvousness for several
days.
A few years ago Representative,
who was called "the hyperpnysical
philosopher" by his cronIes, ate hearty
meal, which Included several small bot
ties, in one of Washlngton's upstairs
Bohemian resorts, then fell asleep at
the table. Burke was seated nearby
and, observing the sleeping politician.
set to work to pull off his boot. and did
SO without awakening him, then pro-
ceeded to an inner room and began to
empty a water bottle into 1t. At that
moment the congressman began to
grunt as though his nap was coming to
an end. The Joker, losing his head, put
the boot hastily down on the window Sill
so that 1t overbalanced and fell crash
ing through a skyllght onto billiard
table on the ground floor. When the
players recovered from the surprise OF
a shower OF glass and hydraulic boot
interruptlng their game, the staircase
soon echoed with the hurried steps OF
the victims calling for vengeance The
congressman suddenly awakened. and
with one bootless foot was bewildered
in the presence of the irritated throng'
The landlord held the boot and shook 1t
with threatening air as Samson must
have brandlshed the jawbone Of the
ass.
Burke's friends were fairly numerous
and hastened to form rampant about
the congressman. asking to have the
matter explained, and offering, II neces'
sary to pay the damage.
But" exclaimed the landlord, tel
US at least why"
Without giving him time to finish
his sentence Burke had the coolncss tc
invent the story that the congressman
was a somnambullsti that he hat
fancied ne was putting his boot where
he was In the habit of placing 1t night
", and that 1t was lucky he had mo-
gone further or he would have throw
himself out OF the window. thinking HI
was jumping into bed.
"Did do thnt?" asked the congress
man, stu amazed and unbooted.
YES" replied Burke, who satisfied
the landlord by telling him that som
nambulIsm never failed to punish "hy
perphyslcal philosophers" for theI
hyberphyslcal philosophy. Then, ad
dressing the congressman. he even per
suaded him to believe that he had beer
talking to the boot, calling 1t "old Eel
.s,N