Arizona republican., 1899-01-15
MEDIATEONS OF
 MARTIN DOOLEN

Wan iv tn things that ye'd notice about Chicago, Hinnissy, if ye'd lived here as long as I have,'' said MT. Dco- ley, "is tn sthrong way we've come along on lithrachtcor Whin I was a young man tn only lithry guy we had was Tim Scanlan, that wrote 4Th' : Jackets Green-ye know tn song: It lbegins 'Whin 1 was maiden fair an young'-Scanlan was an or bachelor an i had no hair-an' Long John Went worth, that owned a newspaper an in throjooced tn first steam fire injine iver seen in tn west. I mind whir a man be tn name iv Charles Dickens come here-he was Q Sassanach-an' 1 thried fir to separate us firm our good money, an they was a ball that night iv tn Happy Sons cf tn Gloryous West, an tn la-ads talked to tn man that i had his books on sale an tn janitor iv tn hall All tn other pathrons iv lithrachOOr winL to tn ball.
 '' 'Tis difrent now. They'se as nanny authors in Ar-rchey road as I've unpaid tabs in tn drawers. About tn same number. Young Hogan is prisidint iv tn Sons iv Saint Joseph an O'MaTa Khy-am sOdality' He tells me that this here O'Mara is an alias fir a lithry guy be tn name iv Fitzger- aid. I've knowed q few FitZgeralds. Wan iv thim used to r-run hall down be Halsted sthreet, an they was an other in tn wather office. but I wud- dent name Casey's COW afther ayether iv thim, let alone a sodality. An in stead Of tn young ladies' sswin society they've starred tn Mrs Humphrey | al DOnahue's tn head iv that. What do they do? Well, 'tis this way. Whin amy man writes so nanny pieces fir tn paper where he lives that no wan Il have annything to do with him, they sind him q letther askfn' him to come out an r-read his pieces to thim. Thin ! they give a ball fir to pay tn ixpinses an sind the proceeds to him. If he's a good man. an don't dhrink, he comes cut. They put him in tn finest r-roOm at tn Transit house that two dollars can buy an young Hogan gets tn ray porthers iv tn Haisted Sthreet GaZoot fir to intherview him. What dye think liv our Worlds Fair city?' says tn ray pOrther 'Rotten,' says tn lithry guy. 1 Have ye seen amy iY tn lithry prOjuce iv Chic&go?' I niver eat anything canned Whats ye'sr opinyon iv tn Bible?' "A vastly overrated wurruk. Tn char-ackters is net dhrawed firm nature an tn language is coorse.' 'Ye have a poor opinyCn iv Shakespere? 'Th' worst in tn wurruld. Have ye pitcher iv me? Well, here's twinty. Go, now, ye impydint outcast an see that they're printed in ye'er scand Ious an odjOus newspaper, which I despisa,' he says. Tn vileness iv tn press iv America he says, is beyond anything I know he says. Nanny an manry's tn time tn privacy iv me r-room has been invaded be raypOrthers, an tn secrets iv me ar-rt an me life wrinched firm me, an thin they didn't print more thinl half what I said,' he says. 'GO,' he says, an vent ye'er cur-rsed spite on me- he says. Tell thim ivrything about me- he says. Tell thim I'm tn gr-reatest Twin author; tell thim Pm the mos fash nably dhrassed man. he says. Tell thim women go mad over me- he says. Expose me naked to tn wurruld,' he says. Yell find pitcher iv me there in a goold bathtub attinded be tn prince iv Wales he says. Alas he says, that man iv my standin' shud be so threated,' he says. An he weeps an gives tn rayporther an eight-cint seegar an vollum iv his well known translation iv Butthrick's Pattherns firm tn original Greek.
 
 other day, the author iv a pOme called 'Childer iv tn Get-to-hell-out-of-thi I think Hogan called it. I niver give tn Jews much credit fir bein' lithry, an, be hivins, they niver give me much credit fir anything else. But this lad was a lithry guy, all r-right He talked in tn school hall, undher tn auspices iv tn O'Mara Khy-ams, an, says he: I'll make an ipigram, he says. This is tn Wor-rSt town, an this audJeence tn wor-rst mob iv imported immi- grants I fver see,' he says. He didn't put it that sthrong, but it sounded that way. I'm surprised to see ye here to- night he says, fir none iv ye look as if ye iver armed more thin thirty cints in tn laundhry, he says, or had brains enough he says, to buy ticket he says. AS I said to an audjeence tn other night, in me style that's been so much copied ivrywhere,' he says, tn sea iV upturned faces befure me makes me want to go out an hang mesilf fr fear I'd be dhrowned,' he says. I doubt if amy iv yell understand anything I say he says, but I'll go ahead an Tread firm tn wurruk iv tn gr-reatest author that was iver foaled, he says That is he says, 'mesiH,' he says. 'Th' first selecdon,' he says, will be 'Th' Pawn-Shop That Me Gran'pa Left to Me- he says. "A wurruk, he says, that I have universally admired, he says. An I come away an wint down to Finucane's hall an broke into tn dance iv tn Gluemakers' union, an had a time that reminded me iv tn good ol' days iv Chicago, befure tn r-run iv books was larger thin tn r-run iv hogs
 Why didn't ya poke him wan?' asked MT HennesSy.
 That ain't ,sn' thrue lithry feelin'." said MT Dooley. That, was tn feel in Ibefure tn Ar-rt institoOt was built, whin they used to give a gr-reat author th' time iv his life be takin' him out to me ol frind Armour's an lavin' him belt a steer over tn head with sledge-