The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-12-26
Observation-Disclosures
Town Tales
Observation-Disclosures

A friend of mine has compiled an al
legged joke. His question is, why are
the Dutchmen in South Africa like the
guns used in the civil war? The an
swer: They're smooth Beers"
Maurice Barrymores wit Is far
famed, but 1 heard a neat little witt
cism at his expense the other day. 1t
was Augustus Thomas laconic criti-
cism of one of Barrymore's plays. The
playwright had been mercilessly pick
ing flaws in the actors drama until
the good-natured Barry" WINGED. oh,
come, Gus" he interrupted, don't be
quite SO hard, if it's not an Alabama.
Just remember that 1 wrote 1t in
week" Did you, Barry?" retorted
Thomas, then you must have loafed,"
An amusing story, somewhat at the
expense of the author of Richard Car
vel, is Just now going the rounds. An
old man. seeing the picture of Winston
Churchill displayed in the window Of
a Baltimore bookseller, inquired of a
bystander whom it represented. Win
stan Churchill" was the reply. Where
does he preach?" Being told that Mr..
Churchill was not preacher, he asked:
"Ain't he? What did you say his name
is?" Winston Churchill. He writes
novels The man shook his head with
a look of pity, and declared: TOO bad,
too bad! He has good face"
Hotel clerks have their troubles.
This isn't put down as a new state
ment 1t is an axiom. The clerk at
one of the Worcester hotels received a
telegram Sunday from a good custo-
mer, asking that room be ready fol
him today, when he was to arrive from
New York. The clerk thought he mus
be coming by way of Albany and would
arrive at in the morning, SO he got
up in order to be on hand. The train
came in. but the man did not appear,
so the clerk waited and waited and
finally, at IL o'clock, in he came slow
ly, as If nothing was wrong. He had
gone to Providence in order to get to
Worcester in a hurry. The clerk looked
at him for while, and then he said
something under his breath and rang
the bell for a porter.
1t is amusing to study human nature
on street car, especially that phase Of
human nature that concerns the artis-
tic bluffs that women put up to impress
the stranger with the idea that they
are the daughters of wealthy long es-
tablished, aristocratic families. The
bluff is usually made when the conduc-
tor comes along to collect the fares.
The feminine bluff looks from side to
side of the car and gives a little fake
"Ahem" TO attract attention. Mean
time she has opened her pocketbook
and although she knows precisely
where she put the little nickel with
which she intended to pay her fare,
and takes out bill that mother prob
ably gave her to pay for the corned
beef and cabbage or other needful
household supplies. She always takes
excellently good care that everybody
in the car sees the denomination of it.
Then there is a petulent little alter
cation with the conductor who saws
that he cannot change the bill without
giving her the change in small silver.
Finally Miss False Pretences
fishes out the nickel and
the incident is closed She
fondly imagines that everybody in the
car is impressed with the notion that
she has money in every bank in town,
but the bluff has become so threadbare
that everybody, to use the parlance Of
the street boy, is NOW on"
"Father!" said Winsome Willie To
his paternal ancestor, Il thought you
said that you was an Anglo Saxon by
descent
so l am Willie" said Dad who has
a reputation at the club of being the
longest-winded and most tiresome
story-teller in Worcester What makes
you ask the question so doubtingly?"
Well, Dad, you see Mr.. Hammer
throWer was speaking of you last night
and he said you were a Boer."
Then Dad cursed the luck that had
made the English language so fruitful
in words of similar sound, and inward
~ resolving TO get even with Ham
merthrower for considering such a
skilled raconteur as himself a bore. he
Went out and kicked his neighbours dog.
In all the rush and hustle incident
to Christmas time, one feels sorry for
the overworked clerks in the stores
Saturday night was a trying one for
them all, standing behind the coun-
ters all day answering questions and
making sales from early morning until
late at night
Among every crowd of Christmas
buyers there are always to be found a
goodly sprinkling of bargain hunters
who delight to haggle and hesitate
over the smallest purchase One saws;
thing
Blanks store, just down the street for
two cents cheaper" And it's a wonder
that the girl does not ask her why in
the name of common sense, she doesn't
go there. And there is the woman who
confides in the pretty clerk and asks
her: Now, do you think a woolly dog
would be a nice present for willy?
He's just five years old: and then
there's Susie, l don't know what 10 oct
her. What would you suggest?"
perhaps the girl would suggest that
the lady should make her own pur-
chase and not bother her But that
would not be business and might drive
away trade Her eyes brighten up a
plt Wnen nice young man comes up
to her in a temporary lull in buvinp
ana diffidently asks her what to give
a girl Just about your age. and | know
she does not like books" The girl
wakes sympathetic, for she knows what