The Cook County herald., 1899-11-18
MAKING A FAILURE.
RULES FOR PEOPLE WHO SEEM
TO BE BENT THEREON.
Women Especially Addressed-Direction
for Spelling Ones Domestic, Social
and Business Life-No Consideration
K l-I-.-. -. - - =
for Others Strong Factor. T.

lux Ot00r8 u SGTOnG FACTOR
It is the fashion just now to instruct
others in every matter, however SIM
pie. Here are few hints on the art
OF failure. We often hear people say
that it is easy to fail; but it is not easy
to do so completely and artistically.
Let us, then, for few moments study
how to fail in the different roles of life,
says the Philadelphia Times. AS an
individual: Want everything that
other people have, and persuade your
self that you care for nothing that is
yours. Never want the same thing for
two days together; change of griev-
ance is beneficial.
AS wife: Keep a sharp eye on
Jacks faults; never allow him to hint
that you have any. Always tell him
of every vexation or ailment that has
teased you during the day, and, if pos
sible, begin the recital as soon as he
gets inside the door;it will distract his
mind from business worries and pre-
vent him from seltishly bothering you
with any of them. Remind him now
and then that you made great sac
rifice when you married him. Impress
upon him that it is ignoble to be at
tached to creature comforts. Taboo
smoking, male friends and clubs. If he
does not agree at once with any opinion
or desire of yours, mention it again
and again-and yet again. The male
mind is obtuse Should be appear to
object to the repetition, declare with
sobs) that he hates to hear you speak
and that his conduct proves incontro-
vertibly that he wishes you dead.
Above all, shun logic. A logical per-
son never yet made a respectable fail
ure.
AS mother: Teach the boys and
girls that home is the only possible
place in the world; that is to say,
never let them have any pleasure de-
rived from outside. Discourage the
visits of their friends and prevent them
from visiting anywhere. Tell them
frequently that young people should
not look for pleasures other than those
induced by attendance on their rela-
tions. Suppress, with a firm hand, all
noise. Explain that games and music
make you nervous, that fancy work is
frivolous, that smoking is a deadly sin
and that the reading of all books not
specially selected by you is undesir-
able. Never sympathize with young
Peoples fads and fancies or encourage
day-dreams, but question them minute
ly about all their concerns and doings,
especially about any matters upon
which they seem unwilling to talk
secretiveness is so bad for the young
When they do we'll take it as a matter
of course, but never neglect to point
out a piece of forgetfulness or a mis-
take. And reproach them frequently
for not loving you as much as they
should; that sort Of thing stimulates
affection.
AS marriageable maiden: Let the
men see that you are very anxious fo~
a proposal. Smile at them widely, but
snap at their sisters and fawn when
their mothers call without them. Talk
noisily, especially when your partner
is quiet sort of man. Pick the other,
girls to pieces. Giggle when you are
not chattering. Neglect no opportunity
of getting yourself talked about. Above
all, don't be natural, but aim constant
~ at effect. If you have a small foot,
stick it out necessarily for people to
fall over; that will attract attention
to it,
AS a social factor: Gush at big peo-
pie. AS soon as you have 'tgot to
know Mrs. B., drop Mrs. A., who was
your last seasons catch. Accept all
the invitations you can get, and pay
them off with a big crush reception
once year. Always take an extra girl
to peoples dances. Cultivate a rest
less, anxious manner and hungry eye.
Snap up small attentions with the avid
ity of sparrow picking up crumbs.
Talk your scandal and make a point of
telling people your social grievances.
Ask questions of all kinds and always
repeat what you here. Borrow peoples
maids and menus and copy their
gowns.
AS journalist: Always know better
than your editor Should ne disagree
with you, argue every point with him.
Write about what interests you; never
mind the fads of the public of the mo-
ment. Never cram into one sentence
an idea that could be expressed in six;
let the world know that your vocabu-
larry is large. Work when you are in
the humor; at other times keep the Of
flee waiting; that will teach it to value
you. Fill up spare moments by writ
ing long letters to the editor. .s-. q
Some Opinions of George Meredith's.