davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Banner-Democrat. [volume] (Lake Providence, East Carroll Parish, La.) 1892-current, 1899-03-04
Double Daily Trains
Fast Time
Close Connections.

Through Pullman Palace Sleepera
between New Orleans and Memphis,
Kansas City, St. Louis and Chicago
without change, making direct connec'
lions with first-class lines to all points
The great steel bridge spanning the
Ohio river at Cairo completed, and all
trains freight and passengerl now run
ming regularly over itthns avoiding the
delays and annoyance incident to trans-
fer by ferry boat.
A. q. HANSON. Gen. Fas. Agt.,
Chicago.
Jxo. a. Scor7. D. 2. ~ 4emphiA
The Banner-Democrat. [volume] (Lake Providence, East Carroll Parish, La.) 1892-current, 1899-03-04
Every Man His Own Doctor.
By J. HAMILTON AYERS, M. D.

A 60o-page illustrated Book con-
tanning a storehouse of information
pertaining to diseases Of the human
system, their treatment and cure with
simplest remedies. together with an
analysis at courtship and marriage.
rearing and management of children.
Also valuable prescriptions, recipes,
etc. Mailed postpaid to any address
on receipt of price. SIXTY CENTS.
Address
Atlanta Publishing House,
11e Lloyd St.. ATLANTA. GA.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
4 Good Place to Leave.

1.-THE Indians OF Mexico says a cor
respondent of For, Il and Stream.
know nothing of the laws of conta-
gion. They display an apathy toward
certain loathSome diseases which sur
priSeS n foreigner.
I'm a recent hunting trip in the Sier-
IA of Pueblo our party of eight was
descending toward ZacapOaXtla. We
rode leisurely. for the trail was mar
row and hemmed in by Indian huts.
At the door of one of these stood a
woman and n little girl. We stopped
to inquire the way. when the follow
ing conversation took place:
''Good morning. sonora
"a very good morning. at your or
derS. senOr.'
This is the road to Zacapoaxtla, is
it not"
"'You are quite right. senor.'
"'And is it very far?
"'On the contrary, 1t is a very little
ways
"a thousand thanks for your kind
ness, sonora
"'There is nothing for which to offer
them. Senor.'
"'Is the little girl sick. sonora?
"'She is little sick. senor.'
"'What is the matter with her?
SHE has the smallpox. senor.'
"'Ah. good day. senora""
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Then He WINS Mad.

A Scotch university professor, jrritat-
ed to find that his students had got
into the habit of placing their hats and
canes on his desk instead of in the
cloakroom, announced that the next ar
ticle of the kind placed there would be
destroyed Some days later the profess
or was called for moment from the
classroom. A student slipped into his
private room and emerged with the
professors hat, which he placed con-
spicuously on the desk. while his fell
lows grinned and trembled.
The professor. on returning, saw the
hat. thought some rashly obstinate stu
dent had been delivered into his hands,
and, taking out his knife. he cut the
offending article to pieces. while vainly
attempting to conceal the smile of tri
unph that played about his counte-
nance. He was in very bad temper
the next day.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Not So Very Old After ALL

In a little village churchyard at
Bickenhill, in Warwickshire, is a
tombstone upon which is inscribed the
age of a dear old maiden lady who de-
parted this life in the year 1701. Her
age, as testified by the engraver's art,
was 70S. Born before the Conquest
and dying under Queen Anne. Again
at Chave Priory, Worcestershire, the
age of n rude fOrefather" is similarly
inscribed as 300. Not to harrow the read
er, we may say that these portentouS
figures are strictly the product Of the
engraver's art The monumental ma
son of those days was nothing If not
ignorant. and his idea of writing IS or
80 was to write 40 or 80 first and = or
9 afterward. meaning 40 plus y or 80
plus 8. etc, as the case might be.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
The Mint Melting Pot.

Eyes, we receive lots of things that
we hate to see go into the melting
pot" said an old mint attache. Folks
In financial stress bring Uncle Sam
all manner of heirloomS which are
bought over the counter for their max
ed weight in gold or silver bullion.
Art or antiquity don't count at the
mint and 4 candelabra by Benvenuto
Cellini himself wouldn't bring more
than Il lump of raw metal fresh from
the smelter. We get plate of every
description. old watch cases. rings.
chains. snuff boxes. spectacle frames
and jewelry mounts without number.
In this section of the south there
are several spectators who make 4
business of travelling through the rural
districts and buying up all the old gold
and silver they can find. They are ex-
perts in judging of the fineness of
metal. and they pay as little as they
can. so there must be a big profit in
the trade. AS rule. the stuff they
bring us and that finds its way here
through other channels is old and bro
ken and embarrassing. but now and
then something of rare artistic value
turns up in the lot, and we would be
only too glad 10 take it out and make
good the coin value, but the law for
bids.
THAT, by the way, is no doubt the
very reason why we occasionally get
such articles. People who are poor
and proud would rather have the iden-
tity of their relics lost forever in the
melting pot than run the risk of ex-
posing their straits by leaving them
with the pawnbrokers."- New Orleans
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
1t Was In His Head.

Balzac once promised Lirieux, the
manager of the Odeon theater in Paris,
a five act drama, THE Springs of
Quinola." He was so busy with other
work, however, that not till he had
been long and urgently importuned did
he promise to read his piece to the
company the next week. The COM
pany gathered about him on the day
appointed. and he read his five act
play fluently through to the end.
LirieuX was enthusiastic, ran up to
shake hands with the great writer and
turned over the pages of the manu-
script whose contents had pleased him
nightly.
But what was this? There were only
four acts. The last pages of the man.
uscript We're blank. In surprise the
manager asked what it all meant.
BalZac smiled and admitted that he
had not yet written out the fifth act,
but declared that he had 1t as clearly
in his head as if it already stood on
paper. And" continued the poet
merrily, Il have in the same head two
more outcomes of the plot in case the
one just read don't please you."-San
Francisco Argonaut.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Monkey Vengeance.

Gibraltar is noted for the monkeys
which live there. Visitors watch for
them by the hour, and they may not
appear, yet occasionally in full day
light they will cross the walls and
roof surrounding the old cemetery
from the Alameda gardens, where
they go to drink at the fountain.
A subaltern tells an amusing story
concerning this colony of animals.
About two years ago some officers
managed to detach small monkey
from its fellows at the drinking trough
and kept it for a fortnight in captivity.
Then. for reasons of their own, they
thought well to restore it. So they
took the little beast back to the drink
ing trough early one morning before
the others had arrived and watched 1t
in ambush.
Presently the monkey colony came,
reconnoitered and. observing the tru-
ant-as they evidently considered him
held consultation. After much
chattering two of the largest apes ap-
preached the returned wanderer. who
appeared petriiied with fear. seized
him by his arms and. after apparently
strangling him. threw him over the
precipice beneath the signal station,
evidently in revenge as Il deserter.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
The Dunn d um Bullet.

The dumdum bullet secured it's
name from the Indian arsenal by
whose officers it was devised, and the
name should not be spelled in two
words or even hyphenized, as a great
many people appear to think. Dunn
dunn is town and a military station
about four miles northeast of Cal
cutta.
1t was the experience in the Sudan
and also in the Spanish-American war
that the new magazine rifles, whose
small calibers give them greater ac-
curacy and greater carrying power
than the old weapons, were faulty in
one important particular.
The small caliber bullets have slight
effect on those struck by them. and 1t
was to obviate this difficulty that the
dumdum bullet was devised This bull
let is one from which part of the
nickel or copper covering is removed,
so that the force of the impact spreads
the soft lead. making a missile that
inficts severe. SCATTERING wound.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04

An English woman who has been
travelling in Russia seems to have found
it easier to get in than to get out of
the cars country. She sent her pass
port to the authorities before starting
in order to have it vised and then
blithely made for the frontier
Arriving there. she was Immediately
detained and taken before the powers
that not only be. but also do, at the
Russian frontier. Here she was in
formed that her passport did not per-
nit her to leave the country and that
she would be obliged to make herself
comfortable while the police found out
all she had done while in the country.
At first she was rather pleased at
the thought of how she would tell her
friends about it when she got home.
But when she found that she had 10
pay not only for her room, her meals,
service and all that sort of thing, but
also for long kilograms which the au-
thorities were exchanging in regard to
her caSe. her pleasure dwindled as rap
idly as her funds did.
She finally got off. however, but
without receiving any apology or any
REIN bursement.-New York Sun.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
HOOk's LOrdIy Tin.

1t required such a man as Theodore
Hook to cope successfully with the ra-
pacity of the gentlemen of the hall, in
contradistinction to the road, and on
one occasion, at all events. he proved
himself equal to the task.
1t is related that once when dining
out he. before the entertainment came
off. provided himself with several bright
farthings from the mint and that when
proceeding after the festivities to his
carriage he discovered several servants,
including the cook awaiting him in
the hall. be forthwith slipped a coin
into the hand of the latter. The man
glanced at it. noticed the size and
bowed low in thanks. under the impress
sion that he was a sovereign richer,
while Theodore. dispensing largesse of
a like nature to the other servants.
went on his way rejoicing. nor did he
cease doing so when, as he stepped into
his carriage. one of the footmen, who
had discovered the real value of the
pOurboire. ran ont. saying, "Sir. i
think you have made a mistaken"
Not at all. my good man. " replied
the hu1norist, with a gracious wave of
the hand. ~ never give less. Coach
man. drive on.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Napoleon and the CobbIer.

On Napoleon's arrival at Marsha
Tours the mayor, a farmer, tried In
vain to make the speech he had pre-
pared Bowling and scraping. he stood
fascinated by Bonaparte's scrutinizing
black eyes-an unhappy squirrel in the
gaze of the rattlesnake-
Close behind the trembling mayor
stood an old shoemaker, in figure q
true Don QuiXote, clad in his working
dress why don't you speak, you
fool?" he muttered from time to time
to his leader. At last his patience gave
way. He pushed the mayor aside, adj
vanced. with his left hand removed
his greasy cotton nightcap. with his
right lifted the horn spectacles from
his nose, made his bow and delivered
the Grafton: Emperor. you are on
your way to thrash the Prussian
rogues once more. l hope soon to see
you return crowned with glory, and I
have nothing more to say, but that
Caesar and Alexander were botches in
comparison with you"
The emperor laughed and inquired of
the old man whether he had any sons.
Yes; four We're in the army-two Of
these in the guards Their names
were taken down. and the honest shoe
maker soon saw them raised to the
rank of officers and found himself pro-
vided with a comfortable pension
Blackwood's.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Not n Close Observer.

at seems almost incredible said
the railroad man. but / saw a man
the other day that couldn't give an in
telligert description of his wife. He
came TO the Office to get transportation
for her, TO which he was entitled, and
under the present rules we must have a
description of the person that is going
to use the transportation.
On the margin of the ticket are
places where the agent can punch out
very good description of the person
that is entitled to use the ticket in
his possession.
IL asked the man first how old his
wife was. He could not tell within five
years.
Next | asked him how tall she was.
The best | could ascertain was that she
was not very tall. neither was she very
snort. punched ont the word medium
and let it go at that.
Next | asked the man what the col
or of his wjfe's eyes was. He studied
for full half minute and said he be
darned if he was sure whether they
were light blue or gray.
when it came to the color of the
woman's hair. he was again in guam
Diary. He was not dead sure whether it
was dark brown or black.
1.-The only thing this husband was
sure of was that his wife was slim. -
Duluth News.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Walking COrrecfly.

Many children are taught at home
and at school to walk on their toes.
This Will do In a sick room when one
has squeaking shoes. but IL is not
natural or elegant Put the heels
down lightly at first and the toes last;
this keeps the body erect. instead OF
bending the body forward. as a per-
son must who walks on his toes.
Walking should he more thoroughly
taught in our gymnasric schools. 1t
costs little to learn TO walk correctly.
and ii is well worth while to spend q
little time to acquire the art-New
York Telegram.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
An ENnensiNeL essnn

"My wife has n way of jogging my
memory that l am hardly in sympathy
with" said Smith. with a sorry SMILE
as he filed away his last months gas
bill.
About month ago, as l was pre-
pairing to come down town, she hand
ed me a letter with the injunction to
be sure and mail it at the first mail
box that l came to. | promised and
put the letter away in my pocket.
"'Now. don't forget she called after
me, as the letter is very important
81 won't | answered and straight
way proceeded to forget all about it.
THE other day l Glanced to be GO
surprised by coming across the letter
that my wife had given me to mail
four weeks before. Remembering that
she had said il was very important, l
glanced at it to see to whom it was adj
dressed.
81 was thunderstruck to find that it
was addressed to me. Thinking that
my wife must have taken leave of her
senses, | tore it open and found a note
that read thus:
The gas is leaking in the base
ment. Please send man up to fix it
II don't remember what l said when
I charged home and found that the
gas was still leaking. but all the salts
faction l got out of my wife was that
she thought would remember to post
the next letter she gave me, and l be-
neve l will.'-Detroit Free Press.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
snrdou ms Stage Manager.

Sardou is one of the few great stage
managers in Europe. He and Sir Hen
ry Irving are probably the two best
How is il done? Well, you see," re-
piled NJ. Sardou. Il know exactly what
| want. and | take care that l get it!'
Sir Henry's answer to the same ques-
ton would not. one imagines, be very
different from this. Sardou does not
read a lecture to an actor whose in
tonation is incorrect or whose gesture
displeases him; he takes the actors
place on the boards for n few moments
and goes through the part.
In theory this is simplicity itself; in
practice il rs sometimes productive of
emotions which the scene is not in
tended to convey. AS a rule, NJ. Sar-
dou's demeanor at rehearsal is beauti-
full, but if people will not do as he re-
quests he can tear his hair and q
speech to tatters with the best of them.
When the hurricane is over. he be
comes Mr.. HoneytonGue again, but he
has carried his point.-Cassell's Maya
zine.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
The Tail of n Cat.

Every one can tell n cats tail from
a dogs. but it seems that the move
ments of each do not mean the same
thing. For instance. when Il dog wags
his tail from side to side. that is held
to be n sign of friendship and peace,
and it will usually be found, according
to DIR. W. Main, that this, the horizon
tai line. is the line of peace.
There is, however. one conspicuous
exception to this rule, for when tomcat
waves his tail in such n fashion, so far
from its being an indication of his de-
sire for peace. the movement generally
precedes an attack. DR.. Main thinks
1t possible that this seemingly peaceful
action of the tail when really about to
attack may nave given rise to the
charge of treachery so freely made
against pussy.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Likes to He Kicked.

Hall Caine confesses that he likes to
be kicked. as long as the thing is done
in public and makes him conspicuous
or notorious. He says in the London
Mail: Even the silliest personal refer
ence L ever see. however inspired by
paltry feelings. seems to me by implica-
ton a tribute and compliment. being a
recognition of the fact that l am a
factor worth counting with and an ad-
versary worth fighting. And when the
most false. the most mean and the most
belittling of the kind has ceased to APP
pear l shall know that / am no longer
of the least account.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Two Civil War Messages.

1t was a day or two after General
FitZhugh retired that the telegraph
lines between Carlisle and Harrisburg
We're put in condition for service, and
the first two messages that passed
over them gave more than one officer
and civilian a laugh. The Harrisburg
operator was of the army variety and
not noted for choice diction or even
grammatical accuracy. but he could be
terse on occasion. The Carlisle man,
a civilian named Noble probably knew
more of the rules of syntaX, but he
was n bit clustered. Here are the mes
sages-and in those days they We're Of
record, since receiving and sending by
sound was not in vogue:
Query-Has the rebels went?
AnSwer-They is.
After all there is merit in the inter
change. There was no room for doubt
as to what headquarters at Harris
burg wanted to know nor as to the
military condition at Carlisle. But
poor Noble, His friends nearly forced
him to resign by the methods known
as Josh. '-Minneapolis Times.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
A Matter of Allowance.

Smith-What's the trouble with
Brown and his wife? They are always
Quarreling.
Jones-Oh. it's the old. old story.
Each declares the other is at fault.
Smith-Well. perhaps they are both
at fault Each should make some al
lowance for the other
Jones-But that's impossible. You
see. Brown hasn't got a penny OF his
own. while his wife is quite wealthy.
and she makes him an allowance of
So week--Chicago News
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
4 Cold Might In China.

One of the facts that we intellectually
cut into my memory during my first
winter in Newchwang was the finding
on one morning about New Years time
80 masses of ice, each mass having been
living man at 10 o'clock the preced-
ing night.
The thermometer was a good bit be-
low zero Of. J. The men had just left the
opium dens. where they had been en-
joying themselves. The keen air sent
them to sleep. and they never wakened-
North China Herald.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Quninf DIR. COLES.

DR.. COLES. an eminent surgeon Of
Dublin, who died In 1913. was remark
able for his plain dealing with him
self. In his fee book he had many
such candid entries as the following:
For giving Intellectual advice for
deafness, l guinea"
For attempting to draw out the
stump of a tooth. l guinea"
"For telling him that he was no
more ill than | was. guinea"
FOR nothing that | know of, except
that he probably thought he did not
pay me enough last time. / guinea"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Couldn't Make the Correction.

A local paper published a long obitu-
airy of a man who had died in the COM
munity. closing with the statement
that n long procession of people fol-
lowed the remains to their last roast
ing place" The family read the notice
and discovered the supposed error and
asked the editor to make a correction
in the word roasting" but he said he
could not do IL until seven years back
subscription that the deceased owed
had been paid.-EXchange
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
CIV nnNs Idea.

a Gallatin county farmer hired a
boy from the city to assist him through
the summer. The farmer told the kid
to 90 ont to the barn lot and salt the
calf The kid took a quart of salt and
industriously rubbed it into the calf's
hide The colts got after the calf for
the salt and had about all the hair
licked off the animal before its condi
ton was discovered. - Montgomery
Oils News
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
EIrh nr Turtle Cnfchern.

A curious mode OF catching turtle ia
practiced in the West Indies. 1t con-
sists in attaching a ring and a line to
the tail OF a species Of sucker fish,
which is then thrown overheard and
Immediately makes for the first turtle
he can spy. to which he attaches him
self. The fisherman then hauls both
turtle and sucking fish in.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
knew .Vh=t Poverty Meant.

You have never known the pangs of
poverty he exclaimed bitterly
The heiress' eyes softened. though
liquid TO begin with
Indeed | have. said she warmly.
Il went TO a bargain sale where no one
knew me and found had left my purse
at home ''-IndianapoIis Journal
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
Japnnene Dentists.

The Japanese dentists perform all
their operations in tooth drawing with
the thumb and the forefinger of one
hand. The skill necessary to do this
is acquired only after long practice.
but when once 1t is obtained the opera
tor is able to extract half a dozen teeth
in about 80 seconds without once re-
moving his fingers from the patients
mouth
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
That's the Why In Feels.

A wee maiden had the misfortune to
fall down stairs the other day. and
that part OF the anatomy commonly
denominated the funny bone" came in
contact with the wall On being pick
ed up and asked If she was hurt. she
rubbed her arm for a moment and
said. NO. but my elbow is awful
dizzy."-Union Signal
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
How They Managed 1t.

"And so you have finally succeeded
in getting your husband TO take the
gold cure? | thought he always claim
ed that he could quit drinking when
ever he wanted to-"
YES. he did We have just convinc-
ed him that he ought to take some
thing TO make him want to."-Chicago
Times Herald.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
DonestIc Sarcasm.

He tat breakfasU-My dear. the pa
per says there was quite fire in our
block early this morning. IL is sup
posed To have been the work OF an in
cendiary.
She-WeIl. don't let n little thing like
that worry you.
Hc-Why. what do you mean?
She. Nobody will ever accuse you OF
building it--Chicago News.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04

How do you like this idea OF sim
plified spelling?
1T makes me laugh I've been spell
ing that way all my life. and till now
everybody called me ignorant"-Chi-
cago Record
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04
No Disturbance,

Mrs. Gofrequent Your husband
goes out a good deal. doesn't he?
Mrs. Seldom Homeless. but we al
ways have seats next to the central
aisle. and it never disturbs anybody
Chicago Tribune.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-09-04

Flowers are the terrestrial stars that
prihS down heaven TO earth and carry
UP our thoughts from earth to heaven,
tne poetry Of the Creator written in
beauty and fragrance.