The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1899-07-21
PETER DISCUSSES LEGISLATURES.
SAssAFRAs JUNGLE, which is
betwixt Hickory Grove 4 SIS
Hoopole township, Ind.

per men are supposed to know
everything, and it is taken foi
granted that they are walking en-
clycopedias of universal informa
ton, therefore write to you for
advice. Is 1t safe to stay in Sassa-
fras Jungle when the legislature OF
Dubois county meets at Jasper, and
the legislature of lloopole township
meets at Sassafras Jungle? What
do these august bodies do? And
what do they meet for? Are they
composed Of members of the Fillpi-
no Junta CT are they escaped Cuban
insurgents?
Was it necessary to appoint 10
extra men Just to watch Dutch Gus,
and his three commissioners, Gros-
ser Fritz, kleiner Captain, and Me
too2 Or vas the Republican party
hard up for offices to dish out to
their voters TO keep them in line?
And the IIoopole legislature Is to
keep tab on Peter Longshott, who
is the honorable trustee OF Sassafras
Jungle. That is what we are skeer-
ed about. They are to keep tab on
US. Do YOU think they will hurt
US in any way, Mr. Newspaperman?
Do you expect them to castlgate Us
if we spend a nickle more than we
ought to? If YOU do you are badly
mistaken, for am going to oil my
rusty six shooter, which will make
one bullet for each leg of the town
ship Legislators.
Mr.. Newspaperman, do you think
the Republican party is going to
carry the state Of Indiana at the
next election? If you do, think
it were high time to move out OF
Sassairas jungle into a state where
the Republican party is in the mi
nority. That parry is furnishing
Us with too many legislatures. Al
ready have we one for each town
ship and one for each county.
What will happen il the Republican
party gets another chance, Is too
awful to contemplate. The legisla-
lures which will be established by
law will be stupendious in number
Every county officer will have a
legislature of his own. The sacred
goat will have twelve trustees with
twelve legislatures to back him to
start with, and if he gets legisla-
ture Of his own, he will wedge him
sell 50 tight into his office, that he
never will get out, and when he
gets ready to die he will institute
hiS "son' or his nephew or his
"cousin" into the secrets Of goat
dom.
Mr.. Newspaperman, why run sor
congress or the house of representa-
tives if you can have one of your
own. In other words if you can
not 90 to congress, have congress
of your own. Shades of Pluto !.
what grandure we are coming to.
Won't il be funny Mr.. Newspa-
perman, to come 10 Jasper in Sep
tember to see the legislature that
belongs to Dutch Gus meet at the
Court house? Will the meetings
be secret aud behind cl)sed doors?
or will the meetings be open and free
to everybody? VIII the commits
sioners get spanking if they were
derelict, and will Dutch Gus LEI off
some Of the vaporings of his great
brain in the form of an Grafton.
Just think of the chances Dutch
Gus will have to impress on that
legislature Of his, what great and
gloriferous congress man he w Juld
make.
Please, Mr.. Newspaperman, do not
90 back on the People of Sassafras
Jungle. If you can do anything to
head off the appointment of any
more legislatures, be sure and do
it. Sound the cymbals and let the
clans assemble. Logroler, with
your fog horn voice, to the rescue J
Jasper kicker, here is the chance of
your life time to kick. Rural
statesman, see how your hayseed
packages have borne fruit Jump
ing Bill from Harrison county, you
can hold your own in Dubois
county, as you say you can, If yol
but mount the housetops and cry
out against the appointment OF any
more legislatures.
Say. Mr.. Newspaperman, the Re-
publican party is good at carrying
elections, but they are mighty fun
ny afterwards, if the appointment Of
so many local legislatures is a
sample.
Mr.. Newspaperman, please put
in vcur paper that the legislature
which was appointed for me by his
honor the Judge is for sale. | do
not wal it. | do not know what
to do with that legislature. | do
not know what it is for. If that
legislature was appointed to watch