West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1899-10-19
Bill Busters Visit to HorsantoWn
on Chadwick Day.
Ills Varied Experiences Faithfully
Related by Mr.. Broomsedge.
From a stat Rousta bout.

| Everybody was going to take In
Chadwick Day. so Bill thought he
must follow the fashion. His best
girl was too far away to 60 with
him, and he decided to 60 alone
aud on foot. He borrowed col.
lar and a neck-tie as red as was his
face the first time he asked Sarah
AIMS company to the picnic. lie
also put a shine on his old shoes,
and in hunting al over the kitchen
and everywhere else it couldn't be,
found an extra handkerchief.
All went well until he was within
the limits of "Mungerheel," except
he found no chance TO ride. Every
wagon, and there wero dozens Of
them, had on the average, three
men, four women and nine chill
dron. Bill calls the latter "kids,"
but then that is Bill's custom.
At Cool Spring he stopped for a
drink, and as the tin cup at the
spring had the bottom off three
quarters of the way around, he
poured gallon Of water onto his
shins and into his shoes while he
was pouring pint down his
| throat.
At Leye Dorton's purp about
the size of full grown rat came
out to exercise his lung power, but
could not compete with the yells
from the female members of the
family who were trying to call
Rover back. lie CHANGED to howl
too close tho ear Of one of Levels
pet snakes, and the slim gentleman
opened his jaws about foot wide
and gathered the dog into a choice
assortment of squirrels which he
had been slowing away that morning
into his stomach.
| Delivered from this danger, Bill
thought he would hook an apple SIS
soon as he got past the house. He
had filled his pockets and was
about to climb the fence when a
bull appeared on the scene and
proceeded to assist HIM over the
fence without regard to the lntegri.
ty of his lower garment. Bill wac
gripping an apple in each hand,
and didn't want to let go. Just
then another of Levels snakes came
around and after wrapping two or
three coils of tail around fence post
he took the bull by the ear and
pulled him off. Bill was trying to
twist through the opening between
two boards, and keep his apples
with him, but did not make out
very well until he came to realiz-
ing sense that he was stealing apples
and that "A carriage was coming in
sight. During the next two
seconds Bill felt SO small that he
crawled through the fence, apples
and all.
After getting into town, Bill was
pushed and elbowed and crowded
against by nearly every one Of the
10000 people, more or less, who
were there, yet he saw Sampson
and Chad wick, filled himself with
red lemonade, peanuts, candy and
soda water and believed he was
having a good time.
He intended to stay in Morgan
town over night and hunted about
until late, trying to find place Of
shelter. After walking all over
town and inquiring at fifty-one
places, he at last found one, but to
his dismay he discovered that some
friend had accidently got his fin.
gers into his pocket and walked off
with his purse. Neither at this
house nor any other. even In spite
OF the fact that he was Bill Buster
OF Buckwheat county, could he run
his face for nights lodging.
He was still looking when be
heard some one singing:
"Be It ever so crowded,
There's no place like home"
This made Bill so mad that he
looked about him for a stone which
he might heave into the room in
token Of his appreciation. But
the street wss paved and that ex.
pedieut wouldn't work. He next
put his hand in his pocket for his
jack. knife to clip limb of shade
tree when be found Sarah Arms
picture had gone the way OF bis
change. All these things SO
wrought on bis feelings that he
concluded life was no longer worth
living. and he jumped into the
river, but some buns who we're
loafng by the bank, hshed bin
out. He went up street again and
tried to get into coal bin but
found two men asleep ia 1t. The
next place he tried TO get in at was
back porch where he saw quilt
hung up to dry. But the man
Of the house whose rest had been
disturbed by burglars twice already,