The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1899-10-22

The reasons for Mr.. Dooley's presence in
England are not exactly known. Perhaps
he is here for pleasure. Probably not. Ii
may be that the English government will
learn suddenly and unpleasantly of the con-
nection between the hurried departure OF
Mr.. Dooley and Mr.. Hennessey from Chi
cago and certain resolutions passed at a
secret meeting Of the Wolf Tones last May.
Let Balfour tremble! AT any rate here he
is, with his heels on the window sill Of an
inn called The Cat and Compasses." and
with him Mr.. Hennessey. He laid aside his
paper after a vain attempt TO comprehend
the mysteries of that tragedy of national
life called a test cricket match, and rubbing
his spectacles. said:
"Hinnissy, if liver we nave war with what
me frind Carl Schurz'd call tn mother
country. it'll not come firm amy vinnyz-
walen QUESTION. Ye can't get me excited
over tn throbbin' debate on tn location Nv
tn Orynocoo river or whether tn miners
that go to Alaska fr goold ARE buried be
tn Canajeen or tn American authorities.
in a yacht r-race or done up at fut-ball an
thin what Hogan calls tn dogs Nv war'n
break out iv tn kennel an divastate tn
worruld."
We'll" said Mr.. Hennessey, complacent-
ly, IF We wait FIR that we might as well
disband our navy"
Il dinnaw about that said Mr.. Dooley,
Il dinnaw about that; afther we left to in
vestigate tn ir'n boundaries an other
Picturesque rooms is this misguided coun-
thry. l whit out to give a few raw rahs FIR
me fellow colleajens. who was attimptin' to
dimonsthrate their superiority over tn
effete scholars w England at what l see be
tn pa-apers is called tn Olympian games.
Ye get to tn Olympian games be sufYocation
in a tunnel. Whin We come to-, We pay four
shillin's or a dollar in our degraded cur
rency, an stand in tn sun an look at tn
Prince Nv Wales. TIL Prince iv Wales looks
at We. too, but he don't see we.
NJ frind. tn American ambassador, was
there, an nanny Nv tn seats iv larnin' in
tn gram stand was occupied be tn flower
Nv our seminaries Nv meditation or thought
Conservatives. I r-read it in tn pa-apers.
AT tn time / come in they was recitin' a
pome firm tn Greek. to a thoughtful look
in young professor wearin' tn star-spangled
banner FIR a necktie an smokin' a cigareet.
Now, boys says tn professor, all togeth-
err 'Rickety Lord Quex. cock. cock, hull
labaloo, bozoo. bozoo, Harvard says tn
lads. / was that proud Nv me BELOVED coun-
thry that I wanted to TAX off me hat there
an thin an give tn college yell Nv tn
Ar-rchey-avenoo Reform School. But I was
restrained be a frind iv mine that I met
comm over. He was firm Massachusetts,
an says he: Don't make a disturbance he
says. We've got to create a fav'rable i'm
preston here he says. TIL English he
says. 'niver shows e~nthusyasm,' he says.
It's regarded as unpolite,' he says. II We
YELL he says. they'll think we want to
win,' he says. an we didn't come over here
to win.' he says. Let us show thim,' he
says. that we're gintlemen. be 1t liver so
painful he says. An I restrained mesilf
be putin me fist In me mouth.
They was an Englishman standin' be-
hind me, Hinnissy, an he was a model iv
BEHAVIOUR FIR all Americans intindin' to
take up their homes In Cuba. Ye cudden't
get this la-ad warmed up If We built a fire
under him. He had an eyeglass pinned to
his face an he niver even smiled whin a
young gintleman firm Harvard threw a
sledge hammer wan mile, two inches. A fine
la-ad, that Harvard man. but If THROWN tn
hammers sport, thin tn rowlin' mills is TIL
athletic cinter iv our BELOVED country.
Whin an Englishman jumped further thin
another la-ad, me friend tn Ice-box, says
he: H'yah, h'yah!' So whin an American
la-ad lept up in tn air as though he'd been
caught be tn anchor iv a balloon. 1 saws:
'H'yah, h'yah!' too. Whin a sign Nv tn
effete aristocracy iv England done up siv-
raj free-bor-rn Americans firm Boston In a
fut Trace, me frind the Farthest North, he
grabs his wan glass eye an says he: Well
r-run. Cambridge he says; Well r-run,' he
says. An Well r-run, WHATEVER colledse
ye're fr'm,' says I, whin wan Nv our la-ads