davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
ALREADY EVEN WITH
ose HIS HONOR.


Judge J. NJ. Hurt tells story on
couple of members of the Dallas legal pro-
fession which goes in this wise:
They were ON hunting and fishing ex-
petition to Wynne's lake. On the day of
their arrival one of the heroes Of the story,
who was at that time district judge,
found canoe that had been buried in the
mud. He excavated it and found it to be
in pretty good shape. He washed off all
the mud and calked few holes in the bot
tom, and 1t was a good boat. 1t was a
long, narrow affair and was evidently
never intended to be built for two.
However, when the judge started out to
fish In his canoe, his lawyer friend insist
ed on going with him. The judge was
sitting in the end toward the lake, where
the water was about six inches deep and
the mud about four feet.
"Now, keep out of this boat" exclaim-
ed the Judge "You will turn it over,
sure, if you tyy to get in it.
THAT'S all right" said the lawyer. II
am an old boatman and have flshed in &
dugout many a time, and you know a
man has to sit mighty level in dugout. 1"
With that he stepped into the canoe,
and it capsized instantly. The lawyer
saved himself by quick spring for tho
bank, but the judge, who was about 10
feet off shore, was thrown in the shallow
water and mud. He crawled out like an
old hog coming out of its wallow, and
when he reached the bank he delivered his
opinion Of the lawyer in anything but
judicial language and wound up in italics,
punctuated with dashes and exclamation
points, saying that he hoped the lawyer
was satisfied. The lawyer apologized pro-
fusely and assured the judge that there
was nothing intentional about it; that it
was purely an accident, and to show that
he was sincere he divided what clothing
he had with the judge and helped wash
his wet and muddy suit. Peace was there
by patched up, and all went well.
At the next term of court the lawyer
had case in which he was very much in
terested to come up in the judges court.
He worked on it very hard and thought
he had it perfected. All during the trial
he sat up nights studying every point. He
made long and very exhaustive argu-
ment and thought to himself that he had
sure thing but the judge decided in IA
yor of the other fellow. 1t was great
disappointment to the lawyer, and after
court had adjourned he called the Judge
to one side and said;
Il told you out at Wynne's lake that
turned that boat accidentally, but l want
to tell you here and now that it was in
territorial, premeditated and done with ex-
press malice aforethought. - Dallas
News.
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
Not n Mistake at All.

He was dressed in the height of fashion
and occupied seat near the door OF
crowded street car when woman of con-
siderable avoirdupois and severity of ex-
preston stepped into the car. Having no
newspaper behind which to hide, he was
fixed and subjugated by her glittering
eve. He arose and offered his place to
her. Seating herself-without thanking
him, of course-she exclaimed in strident
tones that reached TO the farthest end OF
the car: '.Here, what do you want to
stand up there for? Come and sit on my
lap "Madam," he gasped as his face
became crimson, "I-I fear 1 am not de-
serving of such an honor" "What do
ven mean, you bruteY" shrieked the wo'
man. ..You know well that was speak
ing to my niece there behind you. Mash
Vile American
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
MISCELLANEOUS.
BURDENS ARE MANY.
Portland Citizens Have Their share.

Burdens of life are many.
Some people have more than their share.
Pretty hard to bear the burdens of a
bad back.
Its aches and pains make you miser-
able.
Learn the cause and remove the burden.
Most backache pains come from alex
kidneys.
Must cure kidneys to cure the back.
Dosn's Kidney Pills viii do 1t.
Lots of Portland people proof that this
IL 90.
Read what a citizen says.
Mr.. g. H. Allen, of So Portland street
rays: personal experience warrants me
in saying that Doan's Kidney Pills DO all
that is claimed for them and DO IL
quickly and thoroughly. had quite =
little trouble from the imperfect action OF
my kidneys for some time. learned
about Doan's Kidney Pills and got box
at II. II. Hays g. Sons Drug store at
the junction Of Middle and Free streets.
1 used the remedy as directed by the cir
oular accompanying the box and when l
had completed two boxes the trouble was
ended thoroughly, and have had no re-
turn of 1t since.
Doan's Kidney Pills for sale by all deal
ers. price so cents box. Mailed On re-
,sipt OF price by Foster.Milburn Co.
SufYalo, N. Y, sole agents for the U. b
Remainder the name-Doan sand take
20 other.
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
MADE UP HER NOTES.
How Young Woman Secretary OF .
Bangor Club Fooled Her Sister Mem
beis.

"Ths funniest thing that ever did, "
said the young woman secretary of a
Bangor woman's club, WAS to take
notes of my own notes. You see our club
is the greatest stiokler for doing things
just exactly so. and II my minutes were
not entirely au fait and ready on time
there would be no end of trouble. But
one day had put OF writing them until
it was SO late that when was detained
the morning before the club met l did
not have time to write them at all.
Fortunately for me, have the gift
of CAB. Going to the meeting, ran over
in my mind the proceedings of the last
meeting and got them into something
like order. Then, when reached the
club, the first thing did was to grab a
number of sheets Of paper, which 1 held
carefully in my hand and toted around
until the meeting WAS called to order and
my time for reading minutes had come.
ulated me- to do my best.
81 stood up before that big olub-lots
of visitors, of course, that day-and pro-
cesded, in my liveliest fashion to retail
the doings of the last meeting. l grew
Drawer as went on. hearing appreoiative
laughter from the people in front of me.
/ ratified my blank sheets, gayIy read
from one and then another, and then
wound with flourish. Had I left any
thing out?
mo, hadn't, 1t seemed for when /
sat down flushed and excited. the presi-
dent arose to say In the customary way:
If there are no objections the minutes
will stand accepted as read, aud then
added, and think We ill feel grateful
for the very interesting minutes, Miss
Blank gives US, and they have never been
better than today.
did l ever tells Indeed 1 didn't
They would have never believed in me
again, and have come TO the conclusion
that confession is not good for the soul
1t usually winds up by making every one
uncomfortable and upsetting things gen.
orally. confess to myself and set about
to mend my ways, and no one is any the
wiser The only thing did was 10 take
down notes of my own minutes, aud
whom / got home l wrote them out very
carefully the first thing and as nearly as
read them as could remember. But
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
MADE 4 GREAT HIT.
But 1t Was One That Couldn't BE
Repeated.

Repeated.
Funny thing happened to me when
was working for Blankety Blank g. Co.
IN Chicago" said New Orleans window
dresser 81 had big window on Clark
street that seemed as If it was hoodooed.
No matter what put there it appeared to
be impossible TO attract any attention, and
the manager, who was keen as hawk,
began to grumble because he never saw
anybody looking in. used to lie awake
nights racking my brains for new schemes,
but it was no go. One day, when l was
feeling pretty blue, told our negro por-
ter to clear everything out preparatory to
making a big display Of a special line of
shirts. He was a fat, black trif1ing fell
low, and guess he must have been out at
a cake walk the night before, for he fell
fast asleep in chair in the middle of the
window. was on the point of waking
him up and giving him fits when l hap
pened to notice how extremely ludicrous
he looked. His head was on one side, his
enormous mouth wide open, and his
limbs relaxed in the oldest postures mag
Unable; in short, he was a perfect picture
of lazy rascal in happy slumber. That
gave me an idea. I didn't say word,
but, grabbing a piece of pasteboard,
dashed off sign, Dreaming of Our Dol
lar Shirts, and stood it quietly against
his knees. Then l gently rolled up the
curtain and awaited developments. Well,
the hit that window made is the pet tradi-
ton of the store to this day. People sim
ply bIockaded tho sidewalk, and you could
hear them laughing a block away. The
funniest part about it was that nobody
supposed for moment it could possibly
be the real thing. They thought 1t was
a clever piece of acting, or else wonder
full wax figure. That the coon was actu-
ally asleep never occurred to any one, and
l stood around with my heart in my mouth
for fear the noise would arouse him. 1t
didn't, however, and he snored away
peacefully until nearly o'clock. Then he
woke up with start and was so surprised
he came near jumping through the plate
glass. The spectators howled, and that
night the house raised my salary. l tried
to work the same scheme afterward, but
1t was a failAre. The darby couldn't pre-
tend worth cent New Orleans Times
DpmOcrat
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
Startling Statistics Of Christi anity
and Paganism.
Ratio in Favor of the
Latter Increasing.
The Christian Propaganda
Brings Small Gains.

Now THAT the United States has 40
quired several alien peoples in the East
and In the West, and other Civilized
nations are reaching.for their respective
slices Of China, that Zig heather nation,
the efforts of Christian missionaries are
reaoubled to convert the alien peoples.
Protestants are turning their efforts not
only toward China but toward Cuba,
Porto Rico, and the Philippines, while
the work of the Roman Catholics is
directed to holding what has been gained
In these three localities and making new
converts In China, says the Chicago
Tribune.
There Is plenty Of room and field for
their work The latest figures. prepared
this year to show what has been done
up to this end of the century, show
that more than half Of the world Is still
heather or pagan. According to these
figures the Protestants constitute only
9 40 per cent of the people in the world /;
the Roman Catholics, IA $40 per cent;
the Greek, Armenian and Abyssinian
Churches, z per cent; and the Jews, 4-1O
of per cent, making total percentage
Of 81 6-IO. And this is without counting
those who live In Christian countries but
do not believe in any creed or go to any
church
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
STRIKING STATISTICS.

In the other hand, the Mohammedans
constitute IS 7-10 per cent of the worlds
popula ton, the Buddhists and Brahmins
46 $40, and all others, pagans and heath
eng, g. 10 per cent. Leaving the Moham-
medans out of the question, the percent
age Of pagans and heathens is 81 $40
The figures on which these percentages
are based assume that the population of
the world is 1,452. 600, 600, made up OF
1877, OO0, 900 Protesta ats, 2l6 0O0,0)o Roman
Catholics. 95, O0O. 600 Greeks, Armeniaus.
and Abyssinians, 672, o0O,00 .Buddhists
and Brahmins, 200, 200, 600 Mohammedans,
1000, 600 Jews, and 125, 600, 600 OF other
creeds The total number Of Christians
is 44s, 0O0, OoO, and the total number of
others is l,oe4, GOO, 600.
So, after q century Of the most active
and concerted missionary effort since the
beginning OF the Christian era, theie still
are upward Of 500. 900, 600 persons In the
world who have not embr aced the gos-
pei. tdFz
More striking than this even is the fact
that hsathenism is increasing as compared
with Christianity. By natural increase
of birth thers are ESQ, 900 more heath
ems In the world today than there were
In the beginning of this century. And
they continue to increase by 3.500,O0 q
year. This is far beyond the increase,
from year to year, in the number Of con-
verts to Christianity in heather lands.
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
Very Likely.

Pat telling his troubles)-Well, thin,
your riverince, we got behind wild t'rint.
Cleric-And what was that owing toE
Pat (confidentially) / behave IL
was all owing to the landlord. Ally
Sloper.
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29
HEATHEN INCREASE.


The increase of the heather In India
alone in one year is three times greater
than the number of all the Protestant
Christians converted in heather lands In
the last century. The Hindoos and Mo-
hamme ian population in India every ten
years increases to a number equal to half
the population of tho United States, All
the Bibles printed since the invention of
the printing press would not DO enough
to give one to each person in India who
is without it, nor would they equal in
number the different idols that are wor-
shipped in that land. : D.
Religious statistics as to unciyilized
COUNT les are, at the best. guesses, and
the difference between some of the guesses
would populate the United States, By
Acts of the Apostles" it is estimated
that in the Greek and Oriental Churches
there are from 100000 to $4,000, 900
people; in the Roman Catholic Church
there are from 175,000, COO to 2i0, 1000, 600 ;
of Mohammedans there are from 16O. 600,
900 to 200. 600, 900; of "pagans," SO called.
there are from 800, 600, COO to $50. 900, 900;
of "heathens, SO called. there are from
500, oU1, 600 to ia, GOO, 900; and of Profess
tants l5O, 100000. This gives in totals
from 1875, 600, 600 to 1923, 900. COO for the
popu lation Of the earth.
CLASSIFIED RELIGIONS.
According to the estimates of Nj.
Fournier de Flax, and published by the
American Statistical association, the
total population of the world Is l,429.
6s2, 100, made up among Christians OF
i4S 2s7 ,625 Professionals, $50. S66, 53s Catho.
lies, IS, 0l6, 900 orthodox Greeks. 100000
Armenians. 3. 900, 600 Abyssinians, i20.oQC
Coptics, 1000 HISTORIANS, and 10000
Jacobites, making n total credited &c
Christianity of f7,0So, las.
Those not Christians, according to him,
number ESQ, O1O. 600 worshipers of ancss.
| tors and Confucianism. $1,000, 900 Taoists,
1870, coo. 900 Hindoos, l47, 800, 0oO.Buddhists
t76, ,s7s Moham medans, 1900, 000
The Portland daily press., 1899-04-29

the funny thing is that found 1t WAS
harder to take down that little speech OF
my own than IL was to remember those
0 other people"
The San Francisco call., 1899-06-18
EXPLOSIONS WRECK
A POWDER FACTORY

1 jumped to my feet and ran around
behind the coming mill The first eX-
plosiOn was in the graining mill. and
then came the others: the second was
in the grainirg house. the third in the
mixing mill and the last in the coater
house I had just left. Webster got
away before the coater house was
blown up, and. running to where [ was
standing fell to the earth. Every stitch
of clothing had been torn from his
body and only his shoes remained on
him.
There were two minor explosions, but
they did not seem to produce anything
but little dust MOrrissey was just
coming 20 work and must have reached
n position near the chilli mill when he
was hit by beam and his head
crushed in. His feet We're all tangled
up With the wreckage.
John Secomb, the father, was in the
gra;ning house with Frank Hollen-
beck. and both were blown to pieces.
Ed Secomb left the coater house with
me and must have gone into the screen
ing house just as it was rent by the
explosion"
Foreman Rehnert rushed from the
The San Francisco call., 1899-06-18

he frequently called to heaven to
relieve him from his anguish. and sew
eral times tried TO get out Of the wagon.
The names of the uninjured men are:
d. L. Newell, general manager; 7. \.
Stark, superintendent; George c. Rud-
dock, tester; John Downey, foreman OF
the cOater department.; c. w Rehnert,
general foreman and A. J. Stark. New
ell and Superintendent Stark We're at
the office when the accident occurred,
while A. j. Stark. Rehnert and Rud-
dock were at Seconds boarding house.
Downey was the only man in the re-
gion of the building who escaped with
out injury. He was too far away from
the graining house when the first ex-
plosion occurred to be hurt by flying
timbers, and Immediately ran behind
the coming house before the nearer
buildings were blown up.
Downeys description of the accident
is both graphic and concise. and he is
the only living man in u position to eX-
plain how the others met death or in
jury.
II had just left the coater house" he
said, when the first explosion took
place. and was on my way toward the
coming mill l left Webster in the
building. The explosion threw me off
my feet, and without waiting a second
The San Francisco call., 1899-06-18

dining room Of the Secomb boarding
hcuse in time to witness the last two
explosions. He says that while much
Of the debris was hurled around the
surrounding country most of it went
straight upward and fell on the site
where the buildings had stood.
John Secomb was aged 50 years and
was native of England. He had been
employed at the works for years. His
son, Edward, was aged 2S and was
born in El Dorado County. The two
men were the sole support of their fam
ily. The grief of the mother and widow
and the three daughters was heartrend-
ing when the news was carried TO them
by Superintendent Stark that both
father and son had perished
Have you discovered their bodies
whole?" was their first anguished cry.
When told that such was not the case
they all became hysterical.
My brother must have had a premo-
nition of death" walled the youngest
daughter, Sadie. when he left the
house for work to-day he came to me,
and, placing his arms around me, kissed
me gocd-b He had never done that
before. and must have had a feeling
that something was going to happen"
Thomas Morrissey was aged % years
and went TO work at the place where
The San Francisco call., 1899-06-18


w s,.s9%.@ sss @:s. ~. a:...: .o.so w & .:. ,:-
Z Y clusively that the military
authorities have underesu-
mated the task which confronts Major
General Otis i'm the Philippine Islands.
II is also evident that unless a much
larger force is sent ont the struggle
must be continued for long time.
When all the men now under orders
reach Manila and the three additional
regiments decided upon have been en-
listed General Otis viii have about 3d.
DHa men. 5000 more than he has said he
reeds. bat the force i'm the Judgment
nf many military authorities. is far too
small to make rapid progress against
the insurgents 1t is evident that few
moro regulars can he spared from the
small force retained in the United
States. unless volunteers are enlisted
to replace them. and the President is
being strongly urged not to delay any
longer calling for an adequate force Of
volunteers.
1t is pointed out that the President
is taxing too big a risk in refusing to
call for volunteers. 1t is true that Gen
eraI otis has said he does not need
more men. ana he ought to he the
Judge. but il is also true that the pre-
dictious Of General Otis have not been
borne out by the progress of the cam
7aign. and that an officers who have
returned from the Philippines and the
press dispatches which the censor has
allowed To- come from Manila agree
that the force asked for by General
Otis Will not be sufficient.
The President is refraining from call
ing for more men, because he wishes
to avoid criticism Of the opponents of
q large army. Unless General Otis
should ask for them, it is apparent that
the administration has no intention OF
sending him any more troops than
those covered by recent orders. AdjU-
tant General Corbin said to-day that
General Otits would be supplied with
every ran. every rifle. every equipment
that he might ask for. He has stated
repeatedly that 10000 men would be
sufficient To control the situation. and
he knows more about it than the pco-
PIE who sit at their desks in the United
States and attempt to state the num-
her OF troops he should have" said
General Corbin
The island of Luzon is 1000 square
miles in area. OF this vast territory
the American troops control the city
Of Manila and a strip Of territory
across to Laguna de Bal Tlfey also
hold the railroad and a strip of terri
tory on both sides OF Calumpit, and
then 4 road connecting that point with
san Fernando, where General Mac
Arthur's headquarters are estab ablished
san Fernando is about thirty-five
miles from Manila. To the south Of
Manila. General Lawton has advanced
along the coast about ten miles but il
IS expected he will soon return 10 the
city, and the country over which he
passed win again be occupied by the
insurgents
At Ilollo. on the island Of Panav,
where a revolutionary army is estab>
lished the American Government has
the Eighteenth Infantry and Bridg-
;ncn's battery Of artillery. one bat
The San Francisco call., 1899-06-18


feet away from the scene of the eXplo-
sion. Six buildings were totally de-
stroyed The flames completing the
work of destruction after the eHplo-
sions had occurred.
The first explosion took place
in the granting house and is believed
to have been due to carelessness on the
part of an employe in turning water
into the boilers of the engine Just
what caused the explosion cannot be
determined, because the only persons
who could have known what led to t
were hurled into eternity. The last
two were minor explosions and had no
perceptible effect on the general result.
John Farrell. the engineer, was Sc
verely cut on the head and chest and
burned on the arms and right leg, His
life was saved by his forethought in
dropping to the ground as soon as the
first explosion took place Frank Web
ster had every stitch of clothing
torn off his body and yet received not
a scratch, but was badly burned on the
arms and back. The awful force of the
explosion may be estimated from the
fact that pieces of the building were
hurled 200 yards around, while the
trunk of one of the unfortunates was
picked up 400 feet from where he stood
when the accident occurred.
The San Francisco call., 1899-06-18

A great volcanic eruption is also re-
ported from the Hebrides, Rev T.
SMALL writing from Epi, under date of
May |. as follows: Another volcanic
disturbance has been in evidence these
last few days. a few weeks ago Lopevi
showed signs of unwonted activity, and
we feared another violent eruption. This
did not happen. however.
ON the 18th we heard the peculiar
rafting din that told US that one of
our two volcanic neighbors was in
state of eruption. This turned out to
be not Lopevi, but Ambrim. BY the af-
ternoon it's majestic pillar of cloud
stood high in the air-a column fully
10000 feet III height, almost perpendicu-
lar. 1t may have been merely a CO.
incidence, but Lopevi has been showing
more smoke than usual. On former