The times., 1899-07-05
A SMITH MIXTURE.
Missionary story of a Mistake in the
Cherokee Strin

marked Col. Martin Haley. of the Chero-
kee Strip, now on sojourn in the kin
dred wilds Of Brooklyn. to a New York
Sun" reporter. This idee of putin
small bite to eat in the bottom of glass
where man must take an appetizer be-
fore he can get at it is worthy of an Irish
brain, an I'll bet yearlin' heifer that
this here Martinetti is nothin' but good
old Celtic Martin. with the Dago 'etti
hitched onto his right name
"A man that likes cherries as I do"
continued Colonel Haley. will cheerfully
put himself to the trouble of removin'
whatever is between him an the fruit he
seeks 1 find that eleven or twelve cher
ries punched up that way are entirely
film, while if ye pick EN- off the tree
ye can eat a peck measure full, which
goes to show that MaFtinetti's scheme is
not only pleasin but economical in the
end.
You folks in the effete East can't ap-
preciate the liquid blessin's which di-
vine Providence has, put ye next to until
we've been out in the Cherokee Strip, with
yer tongues parched and entertainin'
Lookin' for drop of somethin' decent and
consolin' in the Strip is like huntin' polar
bears in hell, tejious in the detail and un-
satisfactory in the result. The most prev
alent cocktail in my part of the country
is made by mixin alcohol and water with
enough sorghum syrup to make it slide
down easy. Kansas is a temperance State,
as they call it, and the Strip is worse than
that, which means that when man gets
drunk his violation of the law carries its
own penalty with it.
''Sellin' Cherokee drop of rum is al
most as bad as stealin' sheep, down there,
and the only man that ever did it and re-
tanned the respect of dommed unrespect-
able community was feller be the name
of Sherwood. who was doctor livin' right
inside the Kansas line. Av course, yell
understand that a doctor can write pre-
scription with whisky into it and have
it filled at any Kansas drug store. That's
how them drug stores live. Most of them
have a stock consistin' OF cheap spiritus
fermenti-1 learned that word through per-
sonal experience-auinine. white lead.
putty. and glass. with a eide line OF Colts
forty-fours and cartridges to match.
We'll. this Doc Sherwood, who lived adj
jaoent to the Cherokees, and had sheep
skin to prove that he was entitled to ii,
used to have only one formula, which he
wrote most frequent. When an Injun come
to him he'd look at, his tongue and write
out slip of paper with a big r which had
line through it to make it look official.
An what he always wrote was:
spiritus frtmenti. .......................32 OF.
Sig. As much you like often as you
please. SHERWOOD.
Then he'd collect a dollar and the Iniun
would collect what he was lookin' for.
while the drug store would be relieved
from all responsibility.
"Well. it amt SO many years ago that a
temperance evangelist by the name of
Smith struck Coffeyville, the town nearest
the Strip in the eastern part of the State.
He went to the hotel and registered as
r. Smith, Kansas City On the same train
there was only one day-there was an
other feller, who registered Robert Smith.
Kansas City Now, the evangelist looked
like a pretty sporty boy. for he had on a
little diamond pin and nice fashionable
clothes of a yellerish grey color, while the
other Smith, who, ye understand, wasn't
! an evangelist at all. but a lightnin' rod
| agent. lookin' for farmers TO shear, was
dressed up highly respectable in black
| clothes and plug hat, so as to make his
| job of shearin' the easier. Ye couldn't
blame the landlord of the hotel who'd had
| kilograms from both of these Smiths tellin'
him they were comm down and to save
rooms for them, from gittin' a bit mixed
up as to which was which. Like any other
| middlin' sort of man. he took the lightnin
rod man for the temperance feller and the
evangelist for the lightnin' rod chap.
''Wishin' to get solid with the preacher
for he belonged to the church himself, he
goes up to the man in the black 1lotnas
| and tries to make himself agreeable
| How's yer noble work goin' on?' he asks
| in tone of voice like a eve calm fol-
her lost lamb. Pretty decent says the
other chap and figurin from the landlords
| tone of speaking that he was on the reli-
| gfous lay, he piles it on and remarks
| 1t is a noble work. indeed savin' peoplt
| from the fires of heaven I thought,
says the landlord. a bit surprised, that
savin EN- from the fires of hell was more
in your line No. said the lightnin' roc
chap, who was surprised himself, we dom
do nothin' in the volcano way. There's nc
money in it, seein' that volcanoes in this
country amt neither frequent nor hust-
| lin with which he goes into the dinin
| room for supper.
We'll. the landlord. feelin' locoed fol
| fair, turns to the evangelist with the dude
| clothes, an was about to ask him about
| the lightnin' rod business, when he with
kis hands clapped around the place where
a cinch band would go on a bronco. says
TO him: I have a stomachic trouble, and
I'm afeared it'll get worse if I don't see q
doctor. Could you recommend me to one?'
It ldHilOIu, l!ltuhlH " uO q ldND4 u
Teller creature in need of a h'ister. and
stranger in the town, gives him a wink
and says: Doc. Sherwood is the man ye
want to see. I'll have buggy hitched UP
and me boy will drive ye down And he
done it. When the evangelist got to Doc.
Sherwood's, tellin' him that the land ord
| had sent him there, he begun to map cut
his symptoms, but the Doc. cuts him short
an says: ;. know all about it. old man,
and then gives him one of them favorite
prescriptions of his, also tellin' him whe. e
TO get it put up.
The temperance chap does as he's told
and then retires to his room in the hotel
| to take the treatment. 1t comes to be
about o'clock in the evenin' and the sis
ters and bretheren of the church is begin
min to gather in the hotel parlor to greet
| their guest when the man with the dude
clothes hollers down the stairs. chuckin
| the bottle down the same time as he does
| his voice, Hey, landlord. get that pre-
scription renewed. Who's that?' asks the
| bunch corralIed in the parlor. Only a no.
! good Iightnin' rod agent, goin' the way OF
the flesh and the divil,' says the landlord
with the sleepy stop of his vocal organ
pulled out full and strong. It's shame
| that he should be beneath the same root
with our beloved and sanctified brother
| Mr.. Smith says one of the sisters. Well
business is business says the landlord
| an this is a public hostelry for man an
beast Especially beasts observes the
sister, sniffin'. an me, who was rounded
up in the grocery store and put on the re-
ception committee could hardly heiI
laughin' out loud. BE that as it may. as
the Scriptures says observes the landlord
turnn' his eyes up, and then he sends hi:
kid out for to have the prescription re
| newed.
| Pretty soon the lightnin' rod man ii