Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-10-15

] and picking IL w, ''Nv''u w -
| s,stl which a determined and deeply
,,'ro,,,od man can command with q
rn,die HIS feat was too great 10 Keep
secret He found Il impossible TO abstain
from spitcfully telling his wife mat ne
VOC NOW scamstresS FOR his nursery
when he finally showed the garment
on which he had expended so huSH
ekul his wife was both contemptuous
o,d rlceful. The man OF the wondrous
wisdom had wasted all his perseverance
and wrath on a frock which the woman
had thrown away as useless anu WI"
out. out OF a dozen things when pos,
sibly did need mending he hau selec '.,.''
he only ono which was no longer worthy
~ attention. But there are others. rms
man IS not the only martyr VINO mas
made mistakes.
Yes Il was both terrifying and eXpen-
sive. and for the time being the Command
cr-ln-Chief was wildly excited. To make
long story short the baby had swallowed
n cent-one OF those little bronze fellows
that will buy a cheroot or n NTH OF
glass Of some pleasant beverage our IN
faDts mouth Is a veritable slot, anyhow,
and whatever comes his way-proNidea
it's not as big as a saucer-generaily
zoos down his throttle. But there is
sensations produced when q baby comes
10 YOU. and. with a gulp. says; "Pappy,
cent done gonew There are so many
things 10 grieve you In a statement OF
this sort. You worry about the cent, and
Won worry about the baby. You don't
realize how much cent IS worth until
you are faced with a situation Of this
sort. nor do you understand how much
sou love your children until you think
them on the verge Of an awful precipice.
In the case 90 which / refer we were
appalled,. We didn't know whittier the
cent had gone or what would be its ulu-
mate destination. one minute we feared
that # would produce metallic poisoning
in the voracious body. and the next we
dreaded lest the presence OF such
stranger in his midst would make our
child avaricous or purse proud. Had the
article swallowed been a shoe-buttoner. "a
needle. a toothpick. key. or pocket
knife. il wouldn't have been so bad but
q cent is not TO be lightly considered
these days.
All I'm n flutter VIC consulted our Nur-
sery-Book. and from this eminent au-
thorlty II appears that pennies and other
coins are a favorite diet Of infants The
book told us to keep cool and let nature
take its course. il advised Us TO abstain
from administering medicines, etc, and
if necessary 10 forego all hope Of seeing
the cent again.
And then. TOO. we had other things to
reassure us. But a week before, the little
girl across the street. after the manner
of Jonah swallowing the whale had
gulped down a much-beloved doll. and
that. too. without uncomfortable results
TO anybody save the dOll-baby.
These incidents / mention not IN
spirit Of vulgarity or flippancy, but out
of philanthropic motives. l am told that
there are other babies besides those in
my household and / am Furthermore in
formed that If ! had all the pennies
which had been swallowed by infants I
would be q millionaire. But that Invisible
Hand which has guided the faltering
steps Of untold billions has so fashioned
the little threats and interiors Of babies
that their swallowing capacity does not
always lead them into the dangers which
parents fear. Still. it is best not to leave
any bootjacks. razors. or lawn-mowers
lying around loose. Babies and sharks
exercise no discrimination whatsoever as
to the things they swallow
Yes. was one of those who saw that
terrible play. THE Turtle" which was at
the Academy Of Music last week. If one
man was at the play that night there
were 500. Seven hundred and ninety-nine
had no business being there, and the
0th-myself-went solely from commend
able motives. If you read the fierce crti-
cism / made of the wicked little comedy,
you will understand why l went there
early and staid until the last minute. To
say that l was shocked at some OF the
significant situations. and that / blushed
at many Of the dialogues. is but TO &
press II mildly. for naturally / am as
sensitive as a dollhouse plant and gcnu-
inely broad things offend me deeply. T.
"The Turtle" really wants 10 establish a
reputation for being one Of the most i'm
moral shows ever put on the boards, l
will assist il by my affidavit TO that ef-
feet. From start to finish it was fun OF
wicked little sayings, and filings AT matri-
mOny and mothers-in-law, which, while
funny enough. combined vicousness with
vulgarity. Some of these little spurts of
wickedness were clever-in fact, wicked
ness has got a way of being clever any
how-but / wouldn't Ike TO have the re-
spOnsibiiity for them.
The disrobing scene wherein an actress
went thrOugh-or was supposed TO 20
through-the complex evolutions OF a wo'
man preparing for her cOuch-was not so
shocking as might have been expected.
This tableau viVant truth to tell, was
hardly as suggestive as some Of the other
scenes. As q matter of fact very few
men are sufficiently versed in feminine
apparel to know when a woman Is actual
" en- deshabille and when she is not EVe-
ming dress has done no little TO cause
these hazy ideas and what this last-men-
toned mode OF apparel has failed 10 ac-
complish in the way OF creating confu-
sion. has been caused by bathing SUITS
Far be it, from mo to inaugurate a dress
reform. though have the courage to say
that the actress In 1.-THE Turtle was not
more liberal in the display Of her dimpled
charms than many of the nineteenth CEN
fury nymphs | have seen frisklng IN the
surf. As / am very careful IN hounB
such things. / know whereof speah-
with all due Difference to a sensitive pup
lie. 1 would Furthermore state that IL is
naculiarity of femininity never 10 remove
their hose without sitting on the hoor,
whereas the actress in question retired
behind a screen and stood up Wheh lHls
indelicate act was performed.
no not understand me, however, in thus
makIng the foregoing commentaries, 10
cav that THE Turtle" was lot as black
as q was painted What l mean to say
is that the disrobing act was mild by
comparison with a certain other scene.
The play was remarkably well rendered
and the actresses were pretty. But II
would not DO for them to write magazine
articles on the moral tenor of the Stage
nor would 1t be well for them to lecture
on the high and lofty aims which theatre
cal people have. Some other toot-hght
favorlteS had better be selected Tor these
jobs. am. r,,.
L, is bu. justice to say that ''Ihe lur-
tie" was not advertised as pious snow
,,o1fe,ra il travels its Iepu-