Arizona republican., 1899-12-02
SIX SHORT STORIES

the slab on the right a crab dressed on the shell with legs. claws. and parsley ranged around, said to the landlord: What dye call that?'
 Crab" was the answer
 Looks good; I'll have 'un, and gi'e us pint of ale"
 Bread and butter was added, and the diner left to his dinner. In about an hour the genial landlord entered the dining saloon to see if his guest was getting on all right; he found him chawing up the last claw, the cl1awer red in the face. but beaming.
 Like the crab, sir?"
 Yes, he was capital. I never tasted one afore, but I think you baked i'm a little to long, the crust was so hard. Let's have another pint"
 He had eaten the lot-shell, claws and all complete.-Spare Moments.
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 Taken at His Word.-"That's one e- them agents what sells clocks on credit wants to see you right off, said the new farm hand.
 Hang the agenti" exclaimed the farmer. q don't want to see him or his clocks"
 The new farm hand vanished and did not return for an hour.
 When he put in an appearance he asked:
 '.Whar'bouts 'roun' here does the coroner live?"
 What in thunder does you want with the coroner?"
 Well" said the new farm hand, taking seat on a stump and wiping the precipitation from his brow with his shirt sleeve, T hanged m,"-Atlanta Constitution.
 Only His Nightcap-"What have you in that bundle, my friend?" and the customs officer at the Woodward ave nue dock eyed suspiciously the pack age that a passenger on the last Wind sor ferry was carrying under his arm. Just my laundry. cap'n." rather nervously replied the man with the bundle.
 Sorry to trouble you, you know. but I'll have to see the inside of it. Step in here''
 Inside the office. over which flies inc flag with the vertical bars. the revenue officer opened the suspected bundle. It contained laundry. sure enough. shirts. collars. cuffs, nightgowns, and hand kerchiefs falling out in confusion. But snugly tucked away in a bunch Of socks was a quart bottle filled with the amber colored corn juice that makes Walkerville so popular a place for the reVelings of the imagination.
 Though the owner flushed q little higher, he was unperturbed.
 Do you call that a part of vcur l1UQ0rV2'' orpo ctioo 111r Sam's minior. as he proceeded to ap- prOpriate the bottle
 That's my nightcap, officer"
 ''Then it needs washing. too. Take it along with you, my friend. I wouldn't spoil that stuff for you for all of Uncle Sans ordeTs'-Detroit Free Press
 
 Bobby As a Court Crier.-A Spring. held lawyer has q son about 10 years of age. and daughter about twice that age. The boy has been around the court house a good deal with his father and the young woman has steady beau. The other evening the young man passed the house, and the young woman desired to speak to him.
 Bobby" she said to her little broth CT, wont you please call MT. Brown?''
 
 he hurried to the front door and called out in the usual loud monotone Of a court bailiff:
 John Henry Browni John Henry Brown! John Henry Brown! Come into court,'
 Mir. Brown came in and Bobby with drew to a safe place.-Ohio State Jour nal.
 
 How An Englishman Told It.-Here is a joke which comes fresh from the Erin, Sir Thomas Lipton's yacht. The names were given to the writer. but they were suppressed for obvious req sons:
 A young woman on the Erin. while every one was waiting for a wind, asked:
 What slang expression which you have in America pleases a pussy cat?'' The listeners all gave it up. of course. Why, rubber neck" was the reply One of Sir Thomas's British friends heard it and thought it was so good that he called a friend up to hear the conundrum. The one summoned came, all expectancy. The enthusiastic ad- mirer of the story could not wait for the young woman who had originally sprung the joke to repeat it, but start ed to tell it himself
 What slang expression which you have in America pleases a pussy cat?" he asked.
 Why, smooth her back was the re- ply, and the answer brought out a greater roar than had greeted the orig inal stcry.-Philadelphia Call.
 
 Wanted to Take His Share-It is not often that Tody Hamilton, the gen ial American press representative of Barnum & Bailey's circus, gets left" but one of the occasions happened re- gently at Portsmouth, where the show was. The show had been fioated as a limited liability company. and a great many people have invested sums small and large in it. At one of the perform arces uD rolled a sailor none too sober, and demanded free admittance because ke was 9 part proprietor. H. insisted, and was passed over to Hamilton.