davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
Jason CROW. oscarvilIe, Ca, SAYS:

II feel it my duty to write and let you
know what your medicine, 8 Drops, has
done for me. have had rheumatism about
IS years, but was able to be up most Of the
time, until a year ago last May, when was
About six weeks ago l saw your advertise
ment and wrote for a sample bottle. After
taking few doses, it did me so much good
that [ ordered some more for myself and
friends and in every case it has done won
ders and given perfect satisfaction. DR.; DR.
rheumatism Is years, is taking IS Drops and
says it is the most efficient rheumatic med
icine he has ever used. May 81, 1899"
The above refers to E'5 Drops" perfect
cure for rheumatism, kidney and all kin
dred complaints: The proprietors, Swan
son Rheumatic Co., 164 Lake St., Chicago,
offer to send a 25c. sample bottle for only
10c during the next 80 days. Be sure to read
their advertisement of last week.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
Tomatoes a La Turoue

Put on pint of tomatoes (fresh or
canned), with two sprigs of parsley
three cloves, three peppercorns and
sliced onion, and boil for a quarter of
an hour; strain; wash two-thirds of
cupful Of rice and put it into quart Of
boiling water; put the tomatoes into
double boiler, add the rice, one cupfuI
Of stock or water. a little pepper and a
teaspoonful of salt; steam one hour;
add three tablespoonfuls of butter cut
small. letting them rest on the top with
out stirring; remove the cover, and put
a towel over for ten minutes. Serve as
a vegetable, or as border to meat
Housekeeper.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
A QUEER COMBINATION.
1t Was a Justice of the Peace, a Pick
pocket and Little
Prayer Book.

Justice "Bill" Hall was chuckling the
other day over a little adventure, that befell
him. and which he related as follows:
'It was during the festival week" }" he said,
"and you all know how the downtown
streets were crowded. was walking down
State street, and, happening to look in one
of the big store windows, saw pile of books,
which reminded me of commission given
me by my wife that morning. | went in and
bought a book and put the parcel in my
overcoat pocket.
GAS | came out into the crowd on the
street again felt hand go into my pocket,
to catch the would-be thief, tough looking
young man, who skipped off in the crowd
and was Immediately lost to view. couldn't
help laughing to think how horribly disap-
pointed he would have felt if he had sue
ceeded in his theft, because the parcel in my
pocket contained common little prayer
book.
"Theres what call ludicrous combina-
tion-a thief trying to rob police justice
of prayer book-a combination that prob
ably has never before and never will again
arise in the history of Chicago. Chicago
Inter Ocean,
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
FIRST WALKING MATCH.
Resolved Itself Into Running
Match, and 1t Was for
Territory.

In l7O6 William Penn bought from the
Indians tract of land bounded on the east
by the Delaware, on the west by the Mesh
aminy, and running as far north "as a man
can 60" in II days. After his death his son,
Thomas Penn, thought it would be good
idea to survey the boundary. On August 25,
1887, this was done.
Three men lined up for the start, James
Yeates, a lean Yankee; Solomon Jennings
and Edward Marshall, an old hunter. The
sheriff, the surveyors and a number of In
dams who wanted to see fair play accom-
panied them on horseback.
The three men ran.
you are not walking" protested the In.
dians; "you are running"
,, "Ihey are going" replied the sheriff;
and that's what the treaty says-as far as
man can go in day anda half"
30 the Indians went home.
4eatess collapsed on the second DAYS run
and died two days later. Jennings lived in
shattered health but few years longer.
Marshall was tougher-ia better training,
we would say nowadays. He kept on,
reached the end of the blazed trail, seized
the surveyors compass and still kept going
in the same direction. When Sheriff Smith
at noon said Halt" Marshall had covered
IS miles through rough forest, or twice as
far as the Indians had expected
The sellers were 'only Indians" you see.
N. Y. World.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
1Sz-u,.z-Z2z.zg2ssz@gssss3.-s3-z.g -z.ga-zzaaxzzaa-aa
KURNEL BUNKER
Some of His Army Experiences. as Related BY Himself
BY NJ. QUAD. ecopyrighdo
n. That is, at three o'clock in the

hour. That is, at three o'clock in the
evening"
There was no reason why his usual
custom should be broken in upon, and
after it had been duly respected he
gracefully crossed his legs and mus
ingly observed:
''I should have killed Kurnel Hopson,
sah-Billed him stone dead at the first
fire, but for an unlooked-for Interrupt
ton. At the battel of Manassas L had
three horses shot under me - three
horses, sab. A year later, one day
while conversing with Kurnel Hopson
on the incidents of that battle, he
turned and said:
"'Kurnel Bunker, allow me to tip my
hat to you, sab. You had II horses
shot under you at Manassas, and yet
you took it as matter of co'se. You
are a cheyalier of old, saba chevalier
of old.
"'Only three horses, Kurnel Hopson
only three replied.
"'Eleven, Kurnel Bunker
Three Kurnel Hopson.'
"And thus we disputed, sab. The
kurnel had somehow got the number
of horses at II and wouldn't give up,
and of co'se l stuck to three. The re-
suit was that | called him out. He was
a brave and gallant man, and he was
on hand to the minute. He chose pis-
tolls, and l felt it my duty to remove him
to another sphere of action. a brave
and gallant man, sab, but he was kill
ing too many horses for my credit. We
had taken our stand and were ready
for the word when the federals sud
denly attacked our center. Gen. Lee
sent an aide to find me and to order me
to hurl my regiment into the thick of
the fight, and he came upon us at the
critical moment. [ was about to shoot
Kurnel Hopson through the head, but
orders from the chief were not to be
disobeyed. AS 1 turned away l said:
" 'Kurnel Hopson, our affair is off for
an hour or So
"'When we have beaten the feierals
back he replied.
''But it was not 10 be, sah-not to
be- sighed KurIel Bunker as he rose
up. 'Wher we had beaten the federals
back-when my gallant regiment had
performed deeds to live in history for
ever-I returned to the field of honah.
Alas! I had no opponent! Kurnel
Hopson had fallen in the thick of the
fight, dying as a soldier should, and
there was no one for me to shoot at.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
.'sPEAKIN' OF THE ygAH. sAH."

grave, sab. Don't you think smoking
conducive to thirst?"
l did, and after the Kurnel had put
in eight minutes assuaging the dryness
of his throat he picked up the rem
nant of his cigar and continues:
''Egad, sab, but give a man repu-
tation as a duelist and his work will
be cut out for him. 1t soon became
noised about that l had brought Majah
Goldwin to book, and | had scarcely
been promoted to lieutenant colonelcy
when Adjt. Gen. Graham, of the Third
corps, took opportunity to criticise the
way / led my men into action at Glen
dale. When we charged, sab, l was
at the head of the regiment, sab. L
waved nv sword five times around my
head and then lowered it, and the ad-
jutant contended that L was short by
two waves. We had an argument which
grew into a dispute, and at length L
looked him straight in the eyes and
said:
"'Adjt. Graham, should it be your
pleasure to meet me on the field OF
honah / will endeavor TO wave my
sword until one or the other Of us has
received full satisfaction
'.Egad. sab, but I've been told that
my remarks were trite and to the point,
and l rather reckon they were. We
met early next mawnin'. My attitude
was the same as befo', sah-the same
as befo' That is, it was calm and de-
termined, with feeling that l should
conquer. To do the adjutant justice,
he toed the mark, but there was a
great difference in our demeanor = a
great difference in my favor. We were
about to place ourselves on guard when
the adiutant stepped back and said:
kurnel Bunker, L am heah at your
service-at your service, sah-but as a
man of honah L wish TO make an ex-
PLANTATION. At Glendale you waved your
sword five times around your head and
called upon your brave men to follow
YOU. ! was under the ideah, sah, that
the tactics called for seven waves, and
hence our dispute and this meeting.
Last evening l looked up the matter
and discovered that we were both
wrong. 1t is six waves Of the sword,
Kurnel Bunker-siN waves and de-
termination to conquer or die.
well, sah,' said the Kurnel as he
slowly pushed the ashes of his cigar
with his finger, las we were both
wrong, and as we were both men OF
honah. the only way TO do was to
shake hands over the matter and be
come reconeiled. l was pleased, anC
yet not quite satisfied. l had deter
mined to pink the adjutant, sab = tC
pink him in the right shoulder, and
felt that I had surrendered privilege
The credit of calling him out wa
mine, however, and l could not fail II
observe that l had gained a point o.
two. Fo' weeks later / was full kur
mel. You can draw your own inference
sah--your own inference. I observe
that it Is now three o'clock in the even
ing. u is my usual custom at thli
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
GRADUAL PROGRESS.
The Boy Had n Situation and the Fa-
ther Was Going to Be an
Agriculturist.

Flows your boy doing?" inquired the
man whose business takes him occasionally
to rural community where he knows all
the inhabitants.
Fine"
''Has good job, has he?"
'He amt got job no more. He's got a
situation. He started in with job, where
he didn't get nothin' but wages-four dol
lars a week. But he done so good that they
boosted him right along, SO that now he's
gettin' ten dollars a week. That there amt
wages. That's salary"
How are your own affairs prospering!>
First rate"
''Still pursuing your old business?"
"No. I'm a farmer now"
"Why, isn't that what you always were?"
'No, Stree. 1 don't fool myself with no
1atterin' notions. Up to little while ago,
when the wave of prosperity struck, l
wasn't nothin' but a common cracker. But
I've bought an extra piece of ground an
lifted a couple of mortgages, an now I'm
a farmer Eff the luck holds out I'll have
some money in the bank in few years.
Then I'm goin' to buy three minute hoss
and blackboard and NOW the grass in front
of the house and be an agriculturalist." -
Washington Star.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

eyes, sab, | will smoke, sab" replied
Kurnel Bunker after tenderly setting
down his glass and carefully wiping
off his mustache. 81 hold, sab, that
smoking is one of the attributes of a
gentleman. sab, and that there is as
much genteelness in smoking a cigar
in proper form as in bowing yourself
out of a drawing room. Thereto
smoke, sab, and 1 enjoy it, sab, and
this cigar promises to be a good one.
'Speakin' of the wah, sah-speakin'
of what had been termed the fratrici-
dal tragedy" continued the Kurnel as
he settled down, Il have every reason
to believe that 1 came out of it with
credit to myself and the cause. don't
refer altogether to my conduct in bat
tie. There were side issues, sah-sev-
eral side issues-which 1 had to face
and overcome. Soon after l became
majah of my regiment L met up with
Majah Goldwin, of an Alabama regi-
ment. We were thrown together by ac-
cident, sab, and we became convivial,
sab, and it was while in a state of con-
viviality that Majah Goldwin expressed
the wish that we had a Napoleon to
lead the confederate troops. I could
only take his words as an imputation
on the military skill of the gallant
Gen. Lee, sab, and almost as soon as
he had uttered them my glove struck
his face, and l asked him to name the
time, place and weapons. There we
were, sah-Majah Bunker VS.. Majah
Goldwin. and we met at sunrise the
next mawnin' with swords as weapons.
/ was never in better spirits in my
life, sah-cool calm and determined,
and resolved to fo'ce the fighting from
the word. I even had the spot selected
through which my sword was to pass
into the majah's body. L should have
killed my man, sah-pierced him
through and through, but as we re-
ceived our swords he remarked to me:
"'Maiah ." Bunker, 1 wish it to be I'M
derstood that 1 had no thought of cast
ing aspersions on the character of our
brave general. 1 meant that Napoleon
should only lead under Lee
THAT put different look on matters,
of co'se," said the Kurnel, "and after
some further conversation the duel was
declared off. As a man of honah, sab,
/ had taken the majah as he said; as
a man of honah, sab, he had said one
thing and meant another. Gen. Lee
sent for me, but what passed between
US 1 shall hold sacred-sacred as the
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Every reader of this paper should give
special heed to the offers which are appear
ing from week to week by the John M.
Smyth Co., the mammoth mail order house
of Chicago. In this issue will be found their
frst-class sewing machine, at the astound.
ingy low price Of $l4.25. Coming as this Of
fer and other offers do from house with a
commercial rating of over one million dol
lars, and of the highest character, they mark
an opportunity that the shrewd buyer will
not be slow to take advantage of. The John
M. Smyth Co., $50 to l66 West Madison
street, will send their mammoth catalogue,
in which is listed at wholesale prices every
thing to eat, wear and use, on receipt of
only 10 cents to partly pay postage or ex-
pressage, and even this 10 cents is allowed on
first purchase amounting to one dollar.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
ThOrOuChbPed,

A New York society dame, who is an ar.
dent. upholder of the Society for the Pre-.
yentlon of Cruelty to Animals, owns little
fox terrier of which she is exceedingly fond
A man who called on her the other day was
admlrlng the dog and asked her mistress
how she, with all her humane theories, could
have allowed the cruel dog fancier to cut off
Snaps. tail and ears to the fashionable de-
gree of brevity. The dame drew herself up
and replied, with some hauteur:
-, My dear sir, Snap expected it. Every
thoroughbred fox terrier expects to have
his tail and ears shortened.' And that
hun BUNDLED man went away saying to himself:
That's the first time l ever thought of
'noblesse. oblige,' as applying to fox ter,
rlers. .Y-Cincinnati ENQUIRER.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
HOw's This?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured
by Halls Catarrh Cure.
F. j. Cheney & Co., Props, Toledo, Q.
We, the undersigned, have known F. j.
Cheney for the last 10 years, and believe him
perfectly honorable in all business transac-
tions and financially able to carry out any
obligations made by their firm.
ledo, 0.
Walding, Kinnan & Marvin, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, 0.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces of the system. Price 75c. per bot
tie. Sold by all Druggists. Testimonials
free.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Located.-"Papa,'' said the ministers
little son, Il thought you told me the other
day that must never say can't because
there is no such word" Yes, the good
man replied, Il said so, and | repeat it.
In the bright lexicon that youth reserves
for glorious manhood there is no such word
as can't" WELL" little Willie returned,
"mebby it mightnt be in the bright lexicon,
but when | was playing with Eddie West,
full of it "-Chicago Times Herald.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
The Isthmus of Panama.

It's engineers believe that they have solved
this great enterprise. If so, it will prove
great benefit to humanity, no more, truthful
ly speaking, than has Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters, the remedy which never fails to cure
Affections Of the stomach-for of what use is
prosperity without health? The Bitters inva-
rlabIy strengthens weak stomachs and torpid
livers, and is one of the blessings of the age.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

cause. II that Cause IS not removed us
influence reaches out and overshadows a
whole life. The reason Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound has been so uni
formly successful for over a quarter of
century in overcoming the suffering of
women, is that it is thorough and goes
directly to the cause It is a woman's
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
She Enioyed 1t,

They had been sitting together for half
an hour.
II have enjoyed our conversation so
much!" she exclaimed, as she rose to go.
"It is so restful to talk with you!"
And after she had left him he remembered
that he hadn't been able to get in ten words
edgewise throughout the whole conversa-
tion-Somerville Journal
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
His Inst Fling.

As they bent solicitously over him, the
man who had been kicked by horse opened
his eyes "Have you any last wish?" they
asked him.
.Yes," he murmured. "Have an auto
mobile hearse at the funeral -
Revenge, it seemed, was strong even in
death-N Y. Press.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
Quite Natural.

First Drummer had bad luck on
nv last trip, but the goods | am hand
ling now are selling right and left.
Second Drummer-What are you
handling?
First Drummer-Shoes.-N Y. Jour"
nal.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
The EuPI Problem.

|I suppose you had money to burn in the
Klondike"
mo" answered the man who had been
lying by the hour, eve didn't have anything
but chunks of chilly, incombustible gold
We'd have paid big price for few scuttle-
fuls of dollar bills. ."-Chicago Chronicle.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

A atisfaction.-"What are you going to
do for amusement today" Il think, an,
swered the hero, "that III go to dime mu-
scum and see the armless phenomenon" 81
didn't know you were interested in curl,
But it will be a great satisfaction to meet
somebody who I'm dead sure isn't going to
shake hands with me- Washington Star.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
His Strength.

Teacher-For what else was Julius
Caesar noted?
Tommy Tucker (who had studied the
lesson somewhat hastily)-His great
strength, ma'am. He threw a bridge
aeInss the Rhine.-Chicago TFiPppe'
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
A Nude Departure.

Husband-That gown appears to be cut
considerably lower than your last one.
Wife-Yes; the dressmakers have depart
ed somewhat from the lines OF last seasons s
models.
Il see. A nude departure. ."--Philadel-
phia Record.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Fuddy-"You never can tell anything
about the weather At the time of the flood,
you know, it rained 40 days and 40 nights"
Duddy-"Yes; and I'll bet if there had been
a weather bureau in existence at that time
it would have prophesied fair weather, or at
least clearing, every morning. Boston
Transcript.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
Too Late.

A horseman burst into the prison yard.
"Reprieved!" he shouted, and waved
paper aloft.
@Too late" replied the warden, sadly.
''Is the man hanged already"
"No; but he has eaten the hearty break
fast of ham and eggs, coffee and potatoes"
Executive clemency was all right in its
place, but it could not be suffered to inter-
fere with the conventional course of events.
Yes, the horsemans steed was undeniably
foaming, but even that availed little or moth
ing under the rcumstances.-Detroit Jour-
nal.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

And, egad, sab, he probably went t0Ms
death still firmly convinced of the re-
port of the II horses-the II horses shot
under me at Manassas! Too bad, sah-
too bad! 1t was an utter waste of eight
good horses!'
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
= Uniuue Record,

Cousin Elizabeth is utterly deficient
in imagination"
How do you know?"
She says she can't brag that any
man on earth was ever in love witn
her.'-Detroit Free Press.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

''For the first year of his married life he
came to dinner in evening clothes' 'What
does he do now?" "Now he comes to break
fast in them Puck.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
Amonm the BrenIxers.

Long-Family troubles, Ell? What rock
did your domestic ship split on?
Short-It was the absence of "rocks" that
caused the split.-Chicago Evening News.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

The average woman seldom carries a hand
kerchief. This is particularly noticeable at
the theater during the pathetic parts of the
play. At recent performance five women
wept upon one handkerchief.-Atchison
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

The Man and the Bore.-The Solemn Bore
-"Have you ever reflected that there will
be no more time.?" The Busy Man = Il
haven't any now. w."-Indianapolis Journal.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

When you come across man who is un-
easy if he owes a man dollar, you come
across a pretty good sort of citizen even if
he does not belong to your church or vote
your ticket-Advance Farmer.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

A Polite Mantle Bystander-"Wh
are you taking off your hat for?" The Man
at the 'Phone-"I'm talking to LADY,
Chicago Tribune
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

1t may take a person a long time to get
asleep and yet get fast to sleep,-Yon
Statesman.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

A man with but one idea is sometimes
worse off than man with no idea at ALL
Chicago Daily News.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Check Colds and Bronchitis with Hale's
Honey of Horehound and Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

1 cannot speak too highly of Piso's Cure
w. 22d St., New York, Oct. 20, 1894.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Each package of PUTNAM FADELESS
DYES eolors more goods than any other dye
and colors them better too. Sold by all
druggists
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Talk is cheap-probably because of the
vecproduction.-Chic Daily News.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
A Model.

Miss Antique-Is he a nice, quiet parrot?
Dealer-Oh, yes, ma am; he never swears
unless he's sworn to!-Puck.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Speaking of fruit, the first apple caused
a lot of trouble for the first pair.-Chicago
Daily News.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
Mutual xdri..tio

How young you look, niaoam!"
'Oh. professor, how remarkably YOU
have retained your eyesigAt!"-Chi
cage Daily Record.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Don't SANDER the dead; if you do justice
to the living you will be kept busy.-Atchi
son Globe
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

The silent man may be mine of wisdom,
but talkative fool sometimes explodes the
mine.-Chicago Daily News.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
The nest preacrintlon fnr Chills

and Fever is a bottle of GROVES TAsTELEss
CHILL Tonic. It's simply iron and quinine in
a tastes .ess form. No cure no pay. Price, SOC
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
Try Grain-o, Try Grain-oi

Ask your grocer to-day to show you .
package of GRAIN-O, the new food drink
that takes the place of coffee. The children
may drink it without injury as well as the
adult All who try it like it. .GRAIN-O
has that rich seal brown of Mocha or Java,
but it is made from pure grains, and the
most delicate stomachs receive it without
distress. IA the price of coffee. Is cts. and
25 cts. per package. Sold by all grocers.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

"Oh, yes, he hates all women" 'I won
der what particular woman he began with?"
INDIANAPOLIS Journal.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

Be sure you are right-but don't be too
sure that everybody else is wrong.-Chicago
Daily News,
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23

To Cure Cold In One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money ifit fails to cure. 25c.
The Winslow mail., 1899-11-23
w TOMEN do suffer!

w TOMEN do suffer!
wv Even so-called healthy suffer!
But they not healthy!
The marks left by pain the young faces of many
daughters Pain that leaves curabe