The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-12-24

stances suggest, that is the most sue
cessful beggar. There are other re-
quirements to be observed. but unless
man has a good stock of stories with
which to ..foor' people. he can not ex-
pect to gain a foothold among the
blowed in the glass s.iffs." He must
also keep continually working over his
stock. Ghost stories are like bonnets;
those that were fashionable. and CONNIE
IL faut last year, are this year out OF
date, and they must be changed to suit
the new tastes and conditions, or be
supplanted by new ones. Frequently
fresh version of the old story has to be
improvised on the spot, so 10 speak
The following personal experience IL
Illustrates under what circumstances
gags" are invented. 1t also shows how
even the professionals forget them
selves and their pose on occasions:
One morning about eight years ago
arrived in a small town in the Mo-
hawk valley in company with az tramp
called Indianapolis Red. We had rid
den all night in a box car in the hope
of reaching New York by morning.
but the freight had been delayed on
account of wreck and We were so
hungry when we reached the town in
question that we simply had to get off
and look for something to eat. 1t was
not place, as we we'll knew, where
tidiHpS were WciCc1lc, Dul the tram
would not stop again at a town of any
size until long after breakfast and we
decided to take our chances.
We had an hour at our disposal until
the next freight" was due. The great
question was, what story we should
tell, and we both rummaged through
our collections to find a good one. Fin
ally, after each of us had suggested a
number of different stories and had
ft,arr IN, -
that they were too old for such a hos
tile" place, Red suggested that wa
try 1.-The def n dunn gag" There
are several gags" of this description,
and I asked him which one he meant.
Lets work it this way he said,
and he began to improvise. I'm your
def n dunn brother, see? An we're
on our way to New York. where I'm
going to get a job. I'm a clerk and
you're seem me down to the city sos't
nothinll happen TO me. Our moneys
given out an we've simply got to ask
fer assistance. We're terribly hungry,
an you want to know if the lady o. the
house'll be good enough to help yer
brother along See?"
It Worked Too Well.
1 saw all right enough, and ac-
cepted the proposition. but the odds
seemed against us because the town
was one of the most unfriendly along
the line. We picked out a house near
the. track. AS a rule such houses have
been begged out but we reasoned
that if our story would go at all il
would go there. and besides the house
was convenient for catching the next
freight train.
AS we approached the back door 1
was careful to talk to Red on my
fingers. thinking that somebody might
be watching US. A motherly old lady
answered our knock / told her Reds
story in my best manner, filing IL out
with convincing details. She heard me
out and then scrutinized Red in the
way that we all look at creatures who
are peculiar or abnormal. Then she
smiled and invited us into the dining
room. where the rest of the family were
at breakfast. 1t turned out to be a
Free Methodist clergyman's household.
We were given places at the table, and
ate as rapidly as we could. or, rather
Red did. / was continually being in
terrupted by the family asking me
questions about my unfortunate
brother"
Was he born that way?" they asked
in hushed voices. How did he learn
to write?" Can he ever get well?" and
other like queries which / had TO an
swer in turn. By the time 1 had fin
ished my meal. however. 1 saw by a
clock on the wall that we had still fif-
teen minutes to catch our train, and
gave Red a nudge under the table as a
hint that we ought to be going. Wei
were about to get up and thank our
hostess for her kindness when the man
of the house, the clergyman. suggested
that we stay to family prayers.
Glad to have you" he said. ''if you
can remain. You may get good out of
it. told him frankly that we wanted
to catch a train and had only a few
to spare, but he assured me
that he would not be long and asked
me to explain the situation to Red II
did so with my fingers and 1 explained
to the parson that Reds wiggling of
his meant that he would be delighted
TO stay, but wink of his left eye,
meant for me alone. said plainly
enough to "let the prayers CO."
We stood committed, however, and
there was nothing to do but join the
family in the sitting room where l
was given a Bible to read two verses, |
one for Red and one for myself This
part of the progress finished, the parson
began to pray. All went well until |
he came to that part OF his prayer
where he referred TO the unfortunate |
brother in our midst and asked that |
Reds speech and hearing be restored, |
and we were both ashamed.
uSd tnen Red neard the whistle or
our freight. He forgot everything, all |
that had said and all that he had |
tried to act out. and with a wild whoop |
he sprang for the door, shouting back /
to me as he went out:
Hustle. Cigarette, there's our rat
tier
There was nothing to do but follow
after him as fast as my legs would |
carry me and l did so in my liveliest |
l have never been in the /
town since this experience. and it is
to be hoped that the parsons family !
have forgiven and forgotten both Red |
and me. JOSIAH FLYNT.