The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-19
UNCLE SNOWFALL
SPeFsonaI RekOIIekshuns" OF an
Army Cook who Viewed the
War from the Rear.

All mewels is cussid. De most Of dem
is cussider dan de udders. Caliber 65
wuz far and away de cussidest one OBJ de
hull lot. He could turn jack fur de I'D
ders, and glib dem high and low, and yit
beat dem out OBJ de game of cussidness
ebbery time. don't believe in meracleS
ez a jineral rule, and yit it wuz alluz
meracle to me how much cussidness
could be crammed into one mewel's
hide widdout swellin' him bigger'n
balloon.
Most OBJ de time Caliber esd be SO
patient and good and innersunt dat
I'd lub him like brudder. He'd tote
ebbery ting could pile onto him and
me on top all day widdout grunt, and
trot erlong at de head OBJ de colyum, SOS
I'd be de fust one inter camp when we'd
stop, and hab Mistuh Joe's suppeh
ready foh him afore anybody else's.
He'd be hongrier'n meat AK fob corn
and hay, and yit wag his little paint
brush tail like dogs when I'd tote
him all arm load OBJ cottonwood brush
foh his suppeh. He'd flop Ground dem
saddlebag ears OBJ his'n in a pleased,
thankful way, ez if I'd brung him de
best fodder dar wuz in Virginny, and
dem great big, soft, lamblike eyes OBJ
his'n'd turn on me ez if he'd say: "You's
"A jewel and my best friend. l nebber
kin lub you enuf."
But alter de surgeon had fixed up my
bones tree or four times, larned, in
bitterness OBJ heart, dat when he looked
at me dat away I'd better keep mile
from his heels, and hab big club
handy. His goodness wuz allus wealth
er breeder.
For days afore we made dat forced
night march trough Smokers Gap tub
head off de rebels from Washington,
Caliber IS had been so awful good dat
| wuz skeered. / knowed he wuz layin'
fur sumfin, but what dat sumfin wuz
| couldn't guess. Dat wuz de dumb
| fuscation OBJ it. You nebber could tell
when and whar he'd break out. He
wuz cunninger dan sheep-killin' dog.
Dat night ebberybody and ebbery-
thing wuz a-pilin through Smokers
Gap ez if de world wuz comm tub an
end. 1t wuz Forward! Forward!
Quick timel Double-quick!" ebbery
minnit wild men and teams and can
mons. | wuz ridin' on Calber 65, on
top oh a hull lot oh camp truck, and he
wuz doin' jest splendid. wuz ahead
oh ebberybody else, jest behind de rear
OBJ de regiment, and in front OBJ de am
balances and company wagons. We'd
dun come tub dat place you'll remem-
be-, whar it's a steep rock all de way
down on one side, and steep cliff
straight up on de udder, wild only room
enuf foh de road. Oars only one sich
place in de gap, and ebberybody knows
it. De night wuz ez dark ez pitch, and
Caliber SIS had nebber been dar afore
in his life, but dat blimmed fool smart
ness mewel has told him dar wuz his
chance. l done felt him sot his fore
legs down solid and stiff, and stop. My
hair riZ, fur / knowed what wuz com.
in.
pc ambulance driver run into us, but
Caliber 65 nigh kicked the head offer
bofe his horses in two sweeps, widdout
budgin' his forefeet more'n if dey'6
growed dar.
go ahead dar, you mullet-headed soI
of Senegambian slush-biler, wild you
measly, mump-faced newell" swore d.
ambulance driver. De fust thing dat
could lay my hands on wuz de frying
pan. pulled it out and begin larrupir
Caliber 65 ober his head. | knowet
it'd be no use toward movin him till b,
got ready, but it relieved my feelings.
De udder ambulance bumped into d,
head one, and he swore wuss dan de I'D
ders, ez wuz his privilege. De company
wagons bumped into the headquarters
wagon, bat dey didn't dare to tub cusi
de headquarters teamster ez dey want
ed tub, but took it out on one anudder
De wagon master he cum up, and swort
wuss dan all OBJ dem put tugedder
which wuz his right.
He wanted to git at me, and frow d.
mewel and me ober de cliff into de gull,