The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-02-09

however, not so often that they skin
you and send you to the penitentiary.
~
A foxy Ohio man, who thought that
he was going to die, called for a dent
lst to pull all his teeth. When asked
to explain the reason, he remarked that
he was merely disqualifying himself
for the place of weeping, wailing and
gnashing of teeth.
XIX
A Chicago man has just undergone
an operation which cured him of see-
ing double. Foolish man. He did not
know how valuable his services might
have been in the next census of Min
neapOlis.
*
A telescope is now under construc-
ton which will bring the moon within
yard of the earth. iii bet that some
darned trust reaches for it if it gets
that close.
Another war is on and still our AL
gerian war department continues to do
business.
The automobile will never be COM
plete success until some less unwieldy
name is invented for it.
*
Just think of the amount of ghoul-
ish glee the Spaniards are indulging in.
Xxx
l see by Chicago paper that lady
in that city was assaulted on the south
side by Man. 1t was a surprise, it
seems; the lady's defences being all on
the northside and westside, leaving the
southside entirely unguarded. In these
times of war, ladies can never be too
careful about the southside, especially
in Chicago.
Xxx
That is sad story Miss Mitchell tells
While hunting for an American house
in Porto Rico, she accidentally broke
up poker game. Now probably some
fellow is going round telling how he
had just got the only hand he had had
that night.
***
"What are we here for. That is
question that concerns us ALL" says an
question is still "When are we going
Out?"
Xxx
Beatrice Harraden has written new
book called "The Fouler." 1t is not
about Eagan.
Xxx
We often hear of war breaking out,
but it is only in AnOka that Pease
breaks out.
There is one of our exchanges that
credits all other plpers in full, but the
items taken from The MIRROR have
just Elk. after them. wish the gen.
tleman would just take them outright
and not put that Elk. in, becau use it
makes Hans swear just awfully in
Dutch, which interferes with my re-
formation.
**x
Treason rampant and barefacedl
That's what it is. An American firm
has sold Aguinaldo typewriter.
x**
They have passed an ordinance in
st. Paul against projecting signs. lift
is enforced large number Of leading
citizens will have to suffer amputation
of the nose.
*
Hans Miller requests me to state that
he IS not in any way related to Senator
Miller, the author of the anti swear
bill. Hans makes this request in order
to dispel the possible presumption that
insanity is hereditary in his family.
Xxx
Eek attorney General Garland dropped
dead the other day in the Supreme
Court room in Washington. The court
adjourned after expressions of sympa-
thy and respect.
He had to resign from the position
of attorney general because he was
caught accepting bride. There is no
convict i'm this prison who is not as
worthy of respect as he. The fact that
a dishonorable man dies may justify
the Supreme Court of the United States
in expressing respect for him, but its
action is like shock-a pan-electric
shock.
~.
The Bachelors Club of Joplin, Mo-,
has resolved to send Admiral Dewey
baseball catcher's mask with which to