The San Francisco call., 1899-02-05
THIS MAN MAKES LIFE A JOKE.

his arms a cat looking very much the
worse for a night in Martin EngeI s
district.
Say, boss, don't you want to buy a
cat?" asked the boy. you can nave
him for the price of a drink.
Mr. Hughes thought of the mice that
had eaten his paper boxes and PAID 1O
cents. -,
Nicodemus was by no means shin
ing success as a mouse catcher ana MI
Hughes looked doubtfully at MIN.
He's a bad bargain at 10 cents ne
said to his brother; can I earn MS
Turn him out and put it to profit and
loss" said the brother. 1,,,
Hes fit for nothing. guess III
enter him at the cat show, sald MI
Hughes. Hes ornamental.
And they paid the 81 entrance Zee
and called him Nicodemus, by Broom
stick ont of Dustpan, by Sweeper, by
Brush And when they had given MIC
odemus a bath or two and fed him on
quail for a week and put silver coll
lar around his neck he looked as II
the very mention of Hester street W0uld
paralyze him with horror And me
Judges of the show came around ana
then the experts and they lo9keo az
the pedigree written on the card tacked
around Nicodemus neck, and SAID
wisely: "Ah, yes; dear me. Nicode-
mus by Broomstick out OF Dustpal,
by Sweeper. Yes, yes. to be sure.
Might have known it. Very fine specl-
men of the breed. You can't beat that
blood"
Mr.. Hughes was in a hotel cafe with
a group of friends when he heard that
Ncodemus had been awarded a hrst
prize 1y the judges, and for the next
ten minutes the crowd was rolllns ever
the seats in cachinnatory ecstacy.
he NEXT ten QaVS OfterS TO Duy
Nicodemus at any price-$10O0 S2O0O'
any old price-poured in upon MT.
Hughes. Cat fanciers thronged ms
outer office bidding one against the
other in fabulous sums. One dotlng olo
woman drove up in a carriage with an
offer of $4,000. But Mr.. Hughes, VINO
is beyond the reach of temptation,
could not accept money under faIse pre-
lenses. and in despair at last made
full confession of the hoax.
The joke habit once acquired Is NOT
easy to shake off. His next attempt as
the result of a bet was made upon the
willy, unimaginative gentlemen VINO
control the city departments or the
morning newspapers. Mr.. Hugnes
bought an old desk at an auction, ana
one day he discovered secret drawer,
and in the drawer were some old gas
hill receipts. Then was suggested to
him the idea of putting pile OF can
ceIed checks and old bonds Of extinct
or bogus companies in that drawer.
And along Park Row there presently
hoated a story Of the discovery IN Mr.
Hughes desk of bonds and diamonds
aggregating a value we'll up in the hun
dred thousands. 1t happened to be a
dull day for news, and every city edt-
tor hugged the story to his breast and
proceeded, in the language OF the Row,
to "play it up for all it was worth.
Romance, wealth, with just a sugges-
@f dor
of the star writer's assigned to the story
embellished it with his favorite touches
of delicate fancy. A question arose as
to whether the Public Administrator
was not entitled to the papers. The
Public Administrator thought so and
went after Mr.. Hughes, who carefully
kept out of reach.
Mr.. Hughes and an artist friend
named Rork were in the country one
day and dined at roadhouse. Rork
sprinkled the rear of the barn with
kerosene oil so judiciously from casks
in the cellar that the hotel man be-
lieved that he had discovered an oil
well. Hughes offered him $25,000 for
a half interest in the scheme, and
agreed to write out a check for $4,000
as a guarantee of good faith But the
hotel man, who had been carefully told
by Rork that his well was a belcher.
declined But an opportune drummer
turned up, and the drummer knew
Hughes and his ways and thus spoiled
the joke.
Tom Costigan will never forgive him.
At little dinner at Maretti's Tom Co.'S
tigan was presented with $3.50 watch.
After the presentation it was passed
around Presently it came to Hughes
turn. Hughes had provided himself
with an oroide. got the watch. made
quick substitution and dropped the imi-
tation on the floor. 1t was smashed
into q hundra0 niPPPS The real watch
was up Hughes sleeve. The company
was dumb with horror. Costigan was
in an icy perspiration and losing flesh
at the rate of pound a minute and
then Hughes quietly opened his hand
and displayed the perfect watch.