Mesa free press., 1899-03-31
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U"J at hO1eI Sex.
Old Style-Where there is a will
there Is a way. New Style-Where
there is a will there is a contest
Judge.
The climate forblds 1t: Biggs-Is 1t
true that Smith, the iceman, is dead
Boggs-Yes, poor fellow. He cuts no
ice now.-Life.
Military Matters.-DriIl Master Ito
awkward squad)--A Mauser bullet will
go through eighteen inches Of solid
wood. Remember that, you block
heads.-Puck.
Can you tie a true-lover's knot, my
dearW inquired Fred. NO." replied
Jessie, hiding her bushes with her fan;
but our new clergyman can do it very
nicely."-Life.
Mrs. Murphy-The swate little ba-
bies! Mrs. Dugan-They do be thot,
an ut's twins they are. Mrs. Murphy
'--Yez don't say! An are the both iv
thin yours.-Judge.
That's itp' exclaimed Mrs. Bascom
at the concert, as the singers came out
In response to an encore; make 'em do
1t over again until they get the thing
right. Exchange.
''No," said the Cuban; 81 cannot be-
lieve in the sincerity of the United
States" "Why not?'' ''They prom
ised us our liberty, and the first thing
they do is ask us to go to work. Puck.
Excuse me, sir" said Barker to a
boorish traveller, "but what is your bus
iness?" II am a gentleman, sir-that's
my business" "Ah," said Barker, 81
see. You are taking a holiday."-Tid-
Bits.
Beggar (pathetically)-Ah, mister,
wot kin be worse dan havin no home
ter go ter? Citizen (unsteadily)-No
zin', my friend (hic); nozzin'-'cept
havin' home that you've (hic) got to
go to.-Judge.
First lawyer thought you were
retained to defend Cory Dick, the wife
murderer? Second lawyer was
asked to, but my conscience wouldn't
let me. 1t was such brutal crime
And besides that, he has no money
Harlem Life.
Sentimental wife (reading from a
noveD-And, clasping her to his heart,
the hero pressed his lips burning to her
snowy brow. Practical Husband
Yes, and I'll bet a dollar he's down
with cold in the next chapter.-Chi-
cago Daily News.
Apparently the only way to get the
Maria Teresa into American waters is
to annex Cat Island.-Buffalo Express.
Little Clarence-Pa, what do people
feather their nests with? Mr. Cal
down Is the best thing /
know of.-Puck.
"Mr. Orestes Van Ham considers
himself the greatest actor. on EARTH"
IS that so?' responded Mr.. Storming-
ton Barnes thoughtfully. Hes get
ting strangely modest. He used to
consider himself the greatest actor
that ever. lived."-Washington Star.
Wallace-What ponderous subjects
you women do discuss at your club.
The Causes of the Decay of Roman
Civilization was one of the titles Of
the essays read, I noticed. Mrs. Wal
lace-Yes; but none of us pay any at
tention, you see.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Callahan (despondently)--Su an
Orve bin leadin' a dogs loife iver
since Oh got married. Kerrigan
(thoughtfully) Perhaps yez wint to
the wrong clerk, Callahan, an got a
dog license instid Nv a marriage L.
cense.-Judge.
"Dear me, George, why don't you
smoker 81 thought promised you
never would?' "You did; but l saw
some Of the cutest little boxes in
window to-day and they
were marked only 40 cents for twenty
Eve real cigars!'-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Mother-I can't see why you should
object to Mr.. Goodsense. Daughter
I never could marry such man as
that. He wears the cheapest kind of
rQ40V-maQo clOCQoS. MOt1lcI-1 udI lS
mere idiosyncrasy. Daughter-Y-e-s,
but I'm afraid he'll want me to dress
the same way.
Customer, haven't any change
with me this morning; will you trust
me for postage-stamp until to-mor-
row? Drug Clerk-Certainly, Mr..
Jones. Customer-But suppose /
should get killed, Or Drug Clerk
Pray don't speak of it, Mr.. Jones; the
loss would be but trifle.-Chicago
News.
Hobson-How did you enjoy your
summer trip, Bagley? Bagley-Had a
delightful time. Gained one hundred
and thirty pounds. Hobson-One hun
dred and thirty pounds don't believe
1t. Bagley-Don't you? Well, here 1t
comes down the street. Just wait a
moment and I'll introduce you.-Har-
lem Life.
An American in Rome was asked by
a friend at home to bring back some
10