The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1899-06-22
THE JOLLY BEST MAN.
he TELLS WHAT HEAPS OF FUN HE
HAS HAD At WEDDINGS.

His Experiences, a. He Relates
Them, Also Explain Why He Re-
mains, as He Says He Always Will
Remain, q Free and Easy Bachelor.
"This," said the bachelor, "has been
my busy week. I'm 1t for two weddings,
and I've been attending to my duties as
best man. The weddings aren't due for
several days, but the arduous duties Of
my role began ten days ago. I'll never
get married. No, Stree! II there
wasn't any other reason, why, I'd never
have the cruelty to ask friend Of mine
to 60 through the troubles Of best man.
I've been through them too often myself.
In the first place, they
"Who?"
"Oh, the individuals commonly refer
red to as the happy man. Happy!
You never saw such good imitation of
blue funk as bridegroom to be can give
during his last week of bachelorhood.
His mental and moral teeth are all of
chatter, and he clings to his best man
like q prisoner to his last hope. I've :
jollied DOZEN of them through that in
teresting period, and I've seen good,
sensible, hard headed fellows go clean
daft before they got through.
"I'li never forget one chap. The we'd
ding was to be at IL o'clock, and Of
course we were out in the vestry quar-
ter of an hour ahead of time, so as to
be sure to be ready. That is one ad-
vantage the man has. He can drive
there with leisurely margin to spare,
but the bride has to time her trip SO as
l.. orl1 no
sible on the stroke of the hour. OF
course she doesn't want to wait around
the vestibule, SO she is generally at least
few minutes late.
"But, bless you, the bridegroom never
thinks of that. He just walks holes in
the vestry carpet, eats the ends off his
glove fingers and bulyrags the longsuffer-
ing best man. This particular chap began
to fume about five minutes before II
o'clock. At three minutes to - he was
white with terror. When his watch show
ed the very hour he began saying things.
"'she amt coming! he snapped out i
won't watt
"Go way with your said. Did you
think she was SO anxious to have. you
that shed come down here at daybreak
to be sure to be on time?
"But it's past the time now,' he pro-
tested, showing me his watch, which indi-
Gated 80 seconds after IL. learned later
to get hold of the happy mans watch be-
fore we went to the church and turn 1t
back from 5 to 20 minutes, according
to his condition. This time unhappily, l
hadn't done so, and the poor fellow sim
ply got more frightened with every tick
of his watch. At two minutes after IL he
made dive for the door.
az won't wait he said when caught
him by the arm. I tell you l won't wait
to be made laughing stock of. Those
people in there jerking his thumb to-
ward the church, are talking about it
now. I can hear them. They know she
won't come. tell you won't STAY
"'But tell you she'll be here in few
minutes protested. She's only little
late
"sWell, then, If she's late she isn't
worth waiting for anyway. l--she-
"He was just blethering idiot by that
time, you know, and simply restrained
him by force for few minutes until we
were notified that the young lady had ar
rived. Then l wiped the cold perspira-
ton from his forehead and from mine,
addressed him in a few bracing phrases
which shriveled the paper on the vestry
walls, took him by his arnl-limp 1t was
as rag-and steered him into the
church.
"Why, you've no idea of the number Of
snags prospective bridegroom runs
against the week before he is married.
III never forget the first time one Of
them came to me to be rescued from the
hat problem. He had that look Of utter
despair I've so often seen on their faces,
Door things! He looked as if he was say
ing:
awe put up with everything, and I've
been AZ meek as Christian martyr, but
the worm has turned
What he did say was, How do / get
my hatP
"'Hat? I said.
"'That's what I said,' he declared.
How do get my hat? Tell me that, will
you?
,"'Beg or borrow it, my dear fellow, l
said, recovering myself and trying to be
facetious. THAT is the favorite method
of obtaining it. I don't advise you to
steal one unless you want to do comic
opera act and pass your wedding eve in
the county jail.
"Don't get gay he said briefly, but
tell me how l am to get my hat after the
ceremony is over. I've had sleepless
night over that thing. go into the
church by the back door, don't l? And |
90 out by the front door. Now, how do
get my hat when go out| he persisted,
his voice getting higher. I can't take it
to the altar with me, and ] can't ask to
be excused after the ceremony SO that l
can run back to the vestry and get it.
What am l going to do, want to knowT
"Wel now, you know, most people
don't think of those little things until
they run right up against them, but tell
you when bridegroom to be meets
problem, even If it's one that wouldn't
feaze all infant, he just topples back on
to his best man and bowls for help. I've
got two of them on my hands now, and
the two of them together won't be as
happy as l shall be when their carriage
doors have both banged shut and they
are off on their homogeneous. l don't
know what excuse other people have for
that tired feeling, but the best man at
wedding needs no other excuse. seattle
Post-Intelligencer.