The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1899-05-27
ONE-MINUTE SPEECHES.
Responses TO TOasts Tint Are Both
brief ami Witty.

brief AMI Witty.
London Answers has collected a num-
Der of brief responses to toasts for the
benefit of thoSs unskilled in post-prandiaI
oratory. The following seem worth re-
printing:
Mendefssohn informed Jenny Lind that
she ought TO say few words to the crowd
mat had assembled to do her homage.
Very we'll" she replied. after a minutes
hesitation. Il VIII so to them, but you
must lead me, and speak In my place"
My dear friends" said he, you must
not think for a moment that I am now
Mendelssohn; I am Miss Jenny Lind. and
thank you heartily for this delightful
surprise. Alter, however. taking to myself
| me honor OF this splendid personality, /
Wlh now return 10 myself. the Leipsic
music director, and cry with you all: Long
live Jenny Lindr "
The Chairman of the Goddess Cold
field Company.
MY OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES, I-er--en-er
| delighted-er-to see-er-you and-er--
10 feel the great-er-ple asure-er-lt-gives
| me 10 make your-er-personal acquaint-
! ance Er-cr--prospects-e have not been
-er-er-during the past year--er-hnan-
cialiy good-er-er-(cough) That Is chiefly
| owing -er-to the fact-eT-that times are
1 that you are pleased to notice-er-by the
| report-er-that we are only to make a
| call-er-upOn you-er-jcough cough)-of
| -er-tiVe shillings per share. Thls-er-
| speaks we'll for the-er-fuure prosperity
| of the company. Er-er--I must congrat-
ulate you-or-on having an-er-personaI
| interest in such a-er-er-promising con-
Germ. Er-wlth these-er-few remarks I
viii now sit down"
He WAS Full of Hope.
After a dinner celebrating a marriage a
robust jolly old gentleman who had known
the family all his life. was called upon to
| give speech on behalf of the bridegroom.
Ladies and gentlemen" he began, his
| face all aglow. Il can assure YOU that
nothing gives me greater pleasure than
| to De here on this joyful occasion. l am
! very proud TO say that l have known our
most worthy hosts family for over SEVEN
! ty years In fact. his father and / were
| boys together ! am also proud to say
! that ! was present at the time our most
| worthy host was born; | was likewise
present at his christening; ] was present
at his coming to age; l am likewise pres
| emit here to-day; and / hope ladies' ana
! gentlemen, l shall be spared to be present
at his funeral, L"
Little" Toast.
"Gentlemen-The toast have the honor
! viii hail with the greatest enthusiasm
| the health of our esteemed chairman, Mr..
Little
mo words of mine. fell can do justice
| to his noble character, his excellent quail
ties; so you will ] am sure, agree with me
that a Little goes a long way. In asking
| you to drink Mr.. Little's health, therefore,
/ think cannot do better than quote those
oft-repeated words:
| Man vuanfa but TittIa hare halnxaE
And wants that Little long,
Gentlemen. Mr.. Little"
A Golfers Toast.
We are all sorry that our guest. Mr.
| Niblick is leaving us, and all present
am sure. join with me in wishing that he
| may have many long drives" over the
"bunkers' In the course OF his life, and
| may meet with no ''hazards' from which
he cant get wen OUT" that he may have
many STROKES" of good fortune, and never
| be down" and lawys "beat his man.
that he may never fail to negotiate" the
"stlmes" of adversely, and that he may
enjoy many years of prosperity ana happi-
ness before he approaches" and lies
| dead" at the last hole"
II Sometimes Happens.
well known sporting gentleman recent
Is gave a handsome cup as a first prize
In foot racing competition.
The successful competitor, in returning
thanks said
II thank you, sir. for this magnificent
prize BY the use OF my legs ! have won
1t; may I never lose the use OF my legs
through the use of the cup"
Summed Up In a Few Words.
Ladies and Gentlemen: have most un-
expectedly been called upon TO propose a
| toast, and being requested to be as brief
| as possible, at once give you THE Ladies'"
| the only endurable aristocracy, who rule
without law, judge without jury, never
take any counsel decided without appeal,
and are never In the wrong.
He Felt Like Daniel.
An American unexpectedly called upon
to reply to the toast of "our Visitors
said
mfr. Chairman and Gentlemen: When I
came into this room / felt like Daniel In
the lions den" And then, seeing a puz-
!, zled, unre@ponsive look on the faces of his
| hearers. went on: why. when Daniel gos
| into that pace and looked round no
thought to himself. 'Whoever's got to DO
the after-dlnner speaking-it won't ba
mel
An Editors Toast.
At banquet OF publishers guest was
asked to give the toast Woman"
woman said he. "the fairest work in
all creation. The edition Is large and no
man should be without a copy
Fireman's Toast.
The following toast was proposed az a
fireman's dinner, and was received with
loud applause:
THE Lades-their eyes kindle the only
flame against which there is no insur-
ance."
Much in Little.
Gentlemen, The Ladies'-they speak
for themselves"
--Philologic.- Student: Can you tell
me the origin of the expression giving a