Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-04-06
written for the "News."

bird. one thing Is certain II Is not an
insect, and according TO the generally
accepted notion. perhaps. II might be
raid that II hardly comes under the
classification Of the bird tribe after all
r. said and done. however. II Is only
fair to state that an ostrich II huge
apindle-lcggcd nightmare possessing
wings, or 90 be correct apologies for the
same. which are no earthly use TO him
as far NJ flying Is concerned; II II en-
dowel with claws but on only one oc-
casion has the report been circulated
that an ostrich has been known TO
perch on tree. but Ms the man who
told the writer that yarn was somewhat
short sighted. through the chronic
habit OF looking through inverted
glasses. tbrandy). this astounding
brcvipennatc discovery has ever been
mcrcllcssly dlscrcdited by savants-
agaln this two-lcgEed monstroslty Ia
further endowed by dame nature with
an equally monstrous neck. p neck for
sooth that would enable him TO wear
a three foot collar and incidentally
make every dudish dry goods clerk In
Cape Colony positively green with envy
and every one addicted 90 the
''rchooncr habit feel Inclined TO break
the Tenth Commandment and covet
that neck aforesaid 80 that he could
indulge In multitudinous "nmilcr' the
live long day. lust for the pleasure Of
wctting his cpiglotir and feeling the
,lquid gurgic down that magnificent
three feet OF vcrterbrac. But no. an
ostrich never drinks. or 10 be more
correct, I have never seen one 30 Tar
forge, himself. Unlike his fellows Of the
fcathero.i tribc-the cock sparrow 81 NJ
he In a dry bird.
IDIosYNcRAsIEs OF THE BIRD.
Yes. he IL a dry bird. uncommonly 10.
especially no much 20. n fraction OF
second before he let's drive 400 mule
power kick at certain spot IN ones
anatomy-commoniy ycicpt among N"
frivolous ~ the pantry department
then there II Enthusiastically a dry CLEAN
of humor IN his Rnzellc-likc eye 49, he
delivcru his solar plcNua blow. No. taxi
inR an ostrich at his best. he II an un-
calmly looking brute. aa treacheroua AZ
n Filipino. with decided amount OF
mulirhncrH In his disposition and WITH
al endowed with as much Intelligence
aH the average useful. but homcly. nrc-
plug.
An ostrich. you must know. Ia a whole
with a voice both enhancing and
romantic.
His absurd little tail he wIggIes like a
Hall.
In a manner that's exceedingly
pcdantic.
When he take. his walks abroad he Is
nupefiatively bored.
A the ulnrara within range ahln nm "A
tree.
While across the veldt he stalks on his
early morning walks
That embraces several leagues OF
countricc.
Hes n kicker from the south. with
naughty. horny mouth.
And . digestion like quart OF nitric
acid;
when be brings his nhanka In play.
there's the very deuce TO pay.
while his department II anything
but placid.
Hes "blrdle" OF a bird. with ambl-
tionn most absurd.
And a nightmare generally unworthy
OF n name.
He's a peach" he's mule OF the good
old-fanhioned "nkuie."
hut emphhiieally birdie all the
same.
The question has often been yentil-
ated In this State OF Utah. where some
chronic grumblcra aver that the best
crop that thoy can raise at dry farm
inK II crop Of mortgages Why can't
we raise oHtrichenf The industry IN
successfully carried out Ia California,
why not In southern utah-whcrc the
Dixie wine comes froml Certainly
nothing N more simple, yc men OF
sunny South. yet your birds ana sail
right In there II money In II. providing
you have the experience. but the latter
commodity comes high. The writer
With due inodeHty herewith states that
he has several thousand dollars worth
OF experience to dispose OF at wholc-
sale rates aa regards the deluHiyo
bird.
SUITABLE FOR osTRIcHEs.
Southern Utah II undoubtedly suited
TO the indcfailEuablc and inquiHitive
ostrich who would simply rcycl In the
assorted aggregation of geological
specimens 10 be encountered scattered
broadcast DER the land. What menu
u spread awaiting his agile bcak' How
he would close his eyes In ccHtntic de-
light an he swallowed u choice npeci-
men OF quartz or other ifncouH rock.
took n peck at u nprig Of sagehrush aud
fnnlly topped on the epicurcen rcpant
with u ccnrcrt OF railroad spikes that
are sure 10 be- scattered broadcast DER
the land when that much debated line
commences TO build to the coast. Yes
southern Utah IN an ideal spot for
ostrich raising providing the coyotes
were cleaned out.
Possibly the akcpticnl nnd unsophls-
ticated may regard this statement ~
piece OF alleged satire. Not a bit OF
u, the writer knows whereof he aerlb-
bles.
The life OF nm ostrich. "ranchor."
shall we call him7 II AN ideal one. al
though one may have lots OF Hpare time
on his hands, he never suffers from that
distressing mnlady. that young ladies.
who have taken i've two-blt French
lessons and want To let their friends
know H. term 'eunul." II time hangs
heavy ON your hands, all You have 10 do
N TO 10 down % the breoding camps
when the gentleman bird " not doing
his duty In Assisting In Matching out
the eggs ON the nest and you win have
all the FUN you want-fo VIII tho
bird.
a STIRRING LIFE,
oh. what glorious life IL that ~ an
ostrich raiHerl The writer's thoughts
40 back To the time ten years ago when
he was n smooth faced youngatcr who
ought 10 have been home 5000 miles
away with his mother, lie was
strange ana peculiar looking urchln
clad In a huge brimmed hat. that
at critical moments. flannel shirt, u
pair OF very baggy riding brooches
tucked Into couple OF russell polo
lOOia tho tnut .uanrub la-tu rsfttYu IA