The San Francisco call., 1899-06-04
EDITORIAL VARIATIONS.
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BY JOHN McNAUGHT.

of course. very we'll understood in
sporting circles, but why should it lose
its team? Why not fill the faculty
with football men? The thing is
feasible.
The first effect of the restriction will
be to make every girl in California
more eager to go to Stanford than ever
before. The style of the Four Hundred
of New York will be as nothing to the
amount of Queen that will be swung
by the Five Hundred of Palo Alto. AS
there will be a limit on the number OF
campus bellies and promenade chums
the rivalry among the unlimited males
will be keener than ever, and the last
state of that co-educating monument
to railroad opportunities will be worse
than the first.
The story of Mark Twain's interview
with the Emperor of Austria, as given
in the cable dispatches, may be ac-
curate enough, but it bears the ear
marks Of a Mark Twain joke Ihe
story goes that Mark prepared IN
choice German pretty speech TO make
to his Majesty, but when ushered into
the royal presence became so much en-
barrassed he forgot what he was going
to say fiuttered in the tongue OF him
and stood flabbergasted and dumb.
1t is to be remembered the story is
founded upon a report given by Mark
and not by the Emperor. Hence the
ample justification for all the incredul-
ity the public may choose to indulge.
Mr. Twain is the man who told us long
\, ;r,t H. LIVE
session we have, and therefore we
ought to economze it. 1t is a maxim
he has practiced more diligently than
he has preached it, and it is probable
he has never given away a truth in the
whole course of his humorous career.
If Mark fluttered in the presence of
the Emperor it is safe to say he did so
for the purpose of concealing the New
Haven accent of his German speech
and was playing it low on his Majesty
running a bluff on a King as it we're
but the chances are nothing of the kind
occurred. When we get to the end of
the episode we shall probably find Mark
has been playing the press and the
public and has worked thrifty scheme
to get an advance advertisement for a
forthcoming magazine article. The
gentle joker is a creature who always
bears watching, for there is never any
telling when his joke is on you.
For many days we had with us con-
vention of Baptist ministers, exulting
in the consciousness of an overruling
Providence, preaching eloquently the
tenets of a sublime faith and filling the
city with prayer and holy song for the
edification of ALL From height to
height the convention mounted until at
last it reached a climax and culmin-
ated. The next day we had a north
east storm, an earthquake, a suicide
and two murders; and Immediately
thereafter, perhaps by coincidence
merely, the teachers of trust in Provi-
dence who had come to us from dis
tance took their gripsacks and shook
the dust of the city from their feet.
The latest novelty in applied science
is a new trick in Partisan dueling NJ
Catulle Mendes and M Georges Vanar
agreed to fight with rapiers about
something which is not interesting in
asmuch as the name of the woman has
not even been limited in the reports that
come to US They further agreed that
while willing to risk the rage and the
skill of one another, they were not will
ing to risk microbes. Accordingly it
was stipulated that the weapons were
to be thoroughly subjected to antisep-
tic treatment before the fight began,
and that whenever one of them touched
the ground the combat was to be i'm
ho do
had been passed through the flame of
an alcohol lamp so as to destroy any
stray germs of tetanus that might ad-
here to the steel.
1t is not worth while to consider what
Cyrano de Bergerac or d'Artignan
would have thought of such duelling
regulations as that. The point of in
terest is that the French are more
careful of health in their dueling than
we are in our dining. There are more
dangers in American canned goods than
in Partisan challenges, and they have
better cause to smile at us than we to
laugh at them.
At the risk of bringing down upon nv
head the manuscript verses of all the
singers of the commonwealth, 1 sub
nit a bit of rhymed unreason which
for sheer audacity is equal to anything
ever done in English since the days of
Blake. 1t came to me without a title.
and I will give it none. but it is surely
entitled to a reading
There was man all warped and gnarled
Who nosed about and growled and
snarled:
"The worlds all made of SIM he said.
We'll go to hell when we are dead;