The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1899-01-10
AS THE WITS SAY.

The first duty OF a newspaper is to
print the news; second, to deny it
Life.
More decentralization my-'Paw,
what is football coach?" Mr.. Figg-
The ambulance, 1 guess. Indiana
polls Journal.
A Simple g.-BeIle-"How did
you find out the name OF Maud's new
BEAM" Lena-'I gave her my new pen
10 try''-Puck.
Il don't think that Mr.. Darlington
ever declines an invitation to dinner
''Oh, no; he's a sort of social lion, seek
| ing what he may devour. Puck.
She-"They say the Clippersons have
always lived away beyond their
| means" He-.I wonder if we could get
them to show us how Chicago
News.
"Vat vos eet Eickeldinger died OFF,
Heart failure Il told him he'd get
mixed up some day in vun failure too
many. "-CIeveland Plain Dealer.
A Rapid Performance.-"Let me
show you something What is it?'
"A kaleidoscope represention of Johnny
going through new pair of shoes. =
| Chicago Record.
AS Johnnie Comes Marching Home
| First Volunteer (of returning decimat-
ed regiment girls are going
| wild over u.s." Second Volunteer
re
Life.
Mrs. Bronson-F'The Sillibys have
reached an agreement with the owner
of their fat house" Mrs. Marble
| ''So?" Yes. Their children are to be
allowed to visit them once week. =
| Life.
Fred-"That cigar you gave me did
me lots of good" Arthur-"Im glad of
it, When did you smoke it?' 'Oh, l
didn't smoke it. i gave it to Howard;
1 hate him.'-Harlem Life.
Appreciated Fervor.-"I went down
on my knees to Miss links when pro-
She asked me not to move until she
got her kodak. Chicago Record.
"Chollie told me he was burning with
patriotism, but, between you and me, [
| think he is too green to burn Yes,
Chollie might appropriately be called
| fire-proof fat. "-Indianapolis Journal.
No Romance About George
George is so methodical." Yes. He
proposed to me by mail on office paper,
and enclosed a self addressed stamped
envelope for reply.'-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Weary Watkins-''Would you die for
your principles?" Hungry Higgins-s'I
amt done it yet, but I've took the
chance. A doctor told me once I'd die
if [ didn't take exercise. indianapolis
Journal
That woman tried to beat me down
on the price of quinine." What did
she say?" she said L ought to make
it 10 cents cheaper because she had to
pay her little boy to take it. '-Chicago
Record.
What makes you think you were de-
feated by fraud?" Il paid for 1913 votes
in the second precinct, and the books
show that l got total of only 153
there. Our election system is simply
rotten. cleveland Leader.
L think" remarked the fond mother
that our little Willie will make
noise in the world some day" Il shall
have no objection" retorted little Will
lies father, if it will help to keep him
from bowling at night. Judy.
The Democrats say the money ques-
ton didn't enter into the recent cleo
ton" They do, Ell? Well, l know
one Democrat who won't endorse that
view of it, He has just paid me $50
that 1 won from him on a bet. =
Cleveland Leader.
Getting into Williams Class.-"Did
you read young Mr.. O'Shaw's violent
attack on Shakespeare" Yes. 1t
was a very clever move. He may sue
coed in making people think it's due TO
professional jealousy. Washington
Star.
An Iconoclast.-Miss Tommey-
"Mr. Bunting is a singular man" Miss
Fflkins-'How 500" Miss Tommey-
HE says he doesn't life golf" Miss
Filikins-"But lots of men don't like
golf" Miss Tommey-"Yes, but Mr..
Filikins says he doesn't care who
knows it."-Judge.
A Modern Maid.-"Am I the first girl
you ever Ioved?" she asked him, more
as matter of habit than tnything else.