davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
':DARE TO SAY 1T, AND I'LL LICK
YOUI

called at the schoolhouse and sent his
son on an errand. Bert had had with
him a penknife belonging to an elder
sister. It was a beautiful knife, the
pearl handle being banded with silver,
and the two tiny blades bright and
keen. Bert had loaned the knife to
John, and gone off without thinking
OF it.
They soon reached the schoolhouse.
It was small and low, the board walls
darkened by time and smoke. The win
dows were uncurtained and the seats
and desks made from rough lumber.
There was merry half hour of sport
before the tinkling of the teachers lit
tie hand bell called the pupils in. Then
John thought of the knife, and slipped
his hand in the desk. He did not find
it. He bent his head and looked, but
saw nothing of the missing article. One
The knife was gone.
John raised his hand. The teacher, a
sweet-faced girl of IS, asked:
"What is it, John?"
II left Bert Miller's knife in my desk
last night, and it is gone. Will you
please ask who has it?''
''Certain:y," Miss LAIR said, and,
turning to the school. she put the ques-
ton. -'
There wss no response. John glanced
around expectantly, while Bert began
to look uneasy. The teacher made few
inquiries and learned that the knife. al
though very small, was valuable one.
care you sure, john" she asked,
shat you left it on the desk %
"Just as sure as can be. remember
patting 1t on top of my spelling book
Agnes LAIR looked grave. There was
no lock on the schoolhouse door, but
nothing had ever been taken, nor could
the most diligent search bring to light
any traces of the presence of thief
Both John and Bert were miserable
When the noon intermission came, the
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
OUR TRICKS.
The Habit of Nervousness Is Often
Acquired as We Grow
Older,

Sometimes as old age comes to peo-
pie there is a sloughing< away of the
small courtesies or charms of manner.
Yet when hear, young people criticise
such lapses I wonder if they are not,
many of them, even now, forming hab-
its that age will confirm, and which
will prove more Objectionable than
those they to-day criticise.
So, after all, are not the habits of
others who are older than we excellent
object lessons to us who are daily grow
ing older? They'may teach us to avoid
the small lapses from good breeding,
the little needless tricks in which we
are sometimes tempted to indulge. One
woman on the shady side of so has
way of shaking her foot always during
church service. Through hymns,
prayers and sermon her shapely foot
beats light tap, tap, tap on the floor
OF her Pew-a seemingly harmless
habit, but one that theatens to drive>to
nervous despair those whose seats are
near hers.
AS one advances in years it is only
too easy to acquire nervous tricks,
which, after awhile, become almost in
durable habits. When. one is no longer
young she is TOO old to be schooled, and
young people should be too respectful
to attempt it.-Harper's Bazaar.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Exchange of Commitments.

A dime museum had among its GU
riostities an ''Armless Wonder" anu
"Legless Marvel whose peculiar
claims to the notice of mankind may be
inferred from these titles. The man
ager of the museum promulgated rule
that all excuses for absence on tie part
of the living freaks caused by sick
ness or accident, must be handed in two
days before payday. HE says they
must be handed in,'" remarked TIE
Legless Marvel to the Armless Wonder.
Il should think you would come down
flat-footed against that perhaps
so,'' replied the Armless Wonder, ''but
att any rate you can't kick. ~ Youths
COMPANION.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Plain Pie Cruaf.

A good rule for plain pastry for ordi-
nary family use is one-fourth as much
shortening as flour, whether it be but.
ter, lard, or clarified drippings, work
the shortening into the flour with the
tips of fingers. Add littlelsalt. Wet
with ice cold water Tor as near as pos
sible); use as little as possible. Mix
quickly, avoid unnecessary handling,
and bake quickly Boston Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Somewhat Mixed.

Sunday-school Teacher-Now, chill
dren, what will happen on the Judg-
ment day? Willie Wallstreet, you may
tell me.
Willie Wallstreet-Please, ma'am, the
Lord III separate the bulls from the
bears.-Brooklyn Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

"When we were first married he
called me his little Kitten" walled Mrs.
Bickers, land now he calls me q cat"
but you must remember" replied
the consoling one, "that even little kit
tens grow up to be cats in compare
lively short space of time."-Detroit
Free Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Change of Audience.

When woman says she needs rest
Her least desire no man should balk;
She merely means it would be best
On some far porch to sit and talk.
Chicago Daily Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Pu.x;inE to a stranger.

Tourist in Ireland Well, Pat, this is
a grand-looking clock; but shoot me if
I can tell the right time by i'll
Pat-Weli, your honor, it's like this,
when the big hand points to sir and
the little hand to seven and it strikes
five times, then you know it's half-past
six o'clock! Answers. $50
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
An Unsatis11ed Longing.

Mrs. Justwed-Before we were mar
ried you said you would be willing to go
through anything for me.
Mr.. Justwed-So I am, dearest; but
the way you hold on to your fortune is
a caution.-Judge.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
According to His Ill ght.

Teacher-Johnny, surely you know
what ''osculate' means. What do peo-
pie do when they are in love?
Johnny (the jewelers. hopefully
They come to for an engagement
ring!-Jeweler's Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
What Scared Him.

She-So you loved me for six months
before you dared tell me?
He-Yes. Your dad was trying to
corner wheat and didn't want to take
chances on him.-Judge.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
substitute. for ET4ot Near.

There are many dishes which, when
carefully prepared and garnished, will
be attractive and dainty in appearance
and much more appetizing than the
heavy, hot meats. Spiced and preserved
meats, like chicken, pressed beef, Ital-
ian cheese and various ported meats and
fSh, are reished. Philadelph Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Family Pride

The Husband-But we can't afford TO keep
carriage.
The Wife, know we can't. but want 20
show that stuck-up Mrs Brown that we can
have things we can't afford just as well a.
they can.-N Y Journal
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Frozen Lemonade.

Frozen lemonade is simply a rich,
sweet lemonade put into the freezer
and turned occasionally till frozen soft
like cafe frappe. It is served in lem
onade mugs. A good proportion is a
quart of water, into which pound of
sugar is dissolved and the juice of four
large lemons added. Add the grated
rind of one Of the lemons for additional
faYoring.-N Y Post
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
One Strike NJ GoIH.

Good Man-Do you know what be.
comes of little boys that use bad words
when they are playing marbles?
Bad Boy-Yep! Dey grows up an
plays goh.-Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
In the Dark.

young man, cried the irate parent,
didn't I tell you to leave when the
clock struck ten? Now, light out!"
1.-THE lights been out for some time"
faltered the ardent lover.-Chicage
Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
A Sore SPOT.

''Why was Mr.. Sweet offended when
they asked him to impersonate the
Sand Man in that tableau?"
HE seemed to take it as personal
slur. You see, he's a sugar merchant"
Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Their Joint Accounf-

=
Parke-I have joint account in the
bank with my wife now.
Lane-Good! You make an even
thing of it, Ell?
Parke-Yes; put the money in and
she draws it out.-Stray Stories.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
W hat He Had-

Guest-What have you got5
Waiter-fve got liver, caIf's brains, pigs
feet.
don't want description OF your pF,v5-
zeal pecuiarities- What you have got to eat
Is what / want to know."-Boston Traveller.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
A Sfimnlomf.

You call me lazy lawyer;
And may be so, until
You give me Will to work with,
And then I'll work with a will.
Harlem Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Her Pu4 Nose.

Nell-You should have seen the way
that man stared at me.
Belle (spitefully)-He was probably
watching your nose.
Nell-My nose?
Believes; he's a reporter, and is
supposed to keep his eyes on anything
that turns up.-Spare Moments.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

"Did you hear about that New York
woman who gave 500, 600 to man who
rescued her from drowning?"
eyes. If there were more women
like that at the seashore they would
never have to deplore a lack of men at
the resorts. Times-Herald.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
The Modest Maid

.Dolly-Why will you never be able to
look Charlie in the face again?
Madge-He happened to see me in the
house with my bathing dress on.-Town
Topics. .....sa
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
willing to ObliEe.

New Customer-1'll drop in nextw week
and pay this bill.
Clerk wouldn't put you to that
trouble for the world, sir. I'll just send
the goods collect.-Judy.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Natural Inference.

'Our sewing society met to-day for
the first time in over two MONTHS" she
said.
"Ah!" he returned; another scan
dal."-Chicago Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Takes Turns,

Guest lat Maine resort)-What lake
is that? .
Hotel Proprietor-I've been here only
one season and can't pronounce tn.
Y. Weekly. +
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Mxsteriea of Slanx.

Oh, gi,ded youth what are these tricks?
Why speak of money so?
Unto my hands 1t ever sticks
What makes you call it dough?
Washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
OranECd and Lemons.

Oranges and lemons are regular
items in the provisioning of many
households. Their value as aids to
healthful conditions is universally ad-
m1tted. Orange marmalade is easy and
Inexpensive to make, besides being de-
icious to taste and very attractive to
look at. Orange ices, cakes and pdd-
dings are always welcomed as desserts.
From orange peel may be made cor
dial that is of great value in certain
forms of indigestion. Orange peel
should not be eaten too freely. It pro-
duces certain form of eruption resem-
bling eczema, which, while not perma-
nent, is annoying and disfguring.
Lemons are household necessities, and
when judiciously used are of great value
as health preservatives. The fancy for
drinking the juice of several lemons up
onrisingin the morning, was, fortunate
~ for the race, short-lived.-Ledger
Monthly. r
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
She Did the Courtfnx.

Williamson-Did Jackson court his
wife very long before he married her?
Henderson-He didn't court her at
all. Jackson married widow.-Ohio
State Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

"Your friend has wonderful mental
grasp"
HE has" was the weary answer. He
thinks he owns the ca .th."-Washing-
ton Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

Some men are so deficient in the elements
OF success that they would never set the
world on fire even il the world were insured
in their favor.-Detroit Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Why He Thou9ht So.

Kilduf-So you believe, with Carne-
gle, that to die rich is disgrace, do
you?
Poindexter-No; don't. What made
you ask that?
Kilduff-I saw you coming out Of a
stock brokers' office.-Town Topics.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

Iommy-"Who was that lady You spoke
to-! Willie-"That's the lady that lets nv
ma 60 out any afternoon but Thursdays and
Sundays. Boston Transcript.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

Huntley-"Funny thing, that eIopemens
Of Miss Longwaite and young Shipper Au-
"Elopements That was an abds,c
North American.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
His worst Crime

Teacher-What was Nero's great
crime?
Tcmmy-He played the fiddle.
Town Topics,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Feminine Exhortasfcv

A Boston paper says that about 800 women
nave been licensed to preach. The rest have
not taken the trouble to get Iicense-Se.
Louis Republic
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Lifc:x Indian Summer

When was young and foolish
Thought all the girls in love with me;
But now I'm old, soft-hearted and
In love with every girl see.
Town Topics.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

A Seeming Contradiction.
It does seem queer such things should be.
However it is viewed,
The husband that's most shrewd is he
That never has been shrewd.
Brooklyn Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

The boss dynamiters of Japan are Pax
Al 1ank, PAX Chung Yung and PAX Yung
Hyo, and they are very bad pack.-Balti.
more Herald.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

"She said I was conceited, vulgar,
forward little chit!'
"She'd no right to say that, dear
you're hardly conceited!"-AllyS loper.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
Her wise Selection.

HGf WIG SeIeCt100s
Her ~Pa-Now that you have become
engaged to young Badger, must say
that feel sorry for him.
Daughter-For what reason, pa?
Her Pa-Because, my dear, you know
you can't cook even little bit.
Daughter-I had thought of that, pa,
but you see he is a professional forty
day faster.-Richmond Times.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08

First Guest-The man that killed that
chicken was cruel.
Second Guest-Well, he didn't have
much respect for old age.-Chicago
Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-09-08
The Doctors Prescription.

INC DOctOr'B FFcScfIpt1On.
What! Suffering from the grip again
think understand,
Miss Sprightly.
You must not let that young man Ben
Compress this little hand
So tightly"
Chicago Tribune.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28
LATE LOCAL NEWS,

The Rio gundc Western commenced
laying % third rail on tho Utah Gene
trnl Tor Park city today
charles Auor. the we'll known SALOON
man. was arrested az late hour this
afternoon Tor selling liquor on sunday,
Ho was permitted 90 leave on hlH own
raporulEuuca. us will be- urraIgngd
before Justice Morris s0mmcr tOmUr-
row morning az 10 o'clock.
DrH. Richards aud Root went 20 tho
residence uf Mr.. william McEwnn this
afternoon and held consultation over
tho condition of Mrs, McEwtn, who huH
appendicitis. An operation had not
been decided upon nt a late ourthough
II was probable that one viii hn pore
formed MIN. MCl3WHu lH "a daughter
~ President Woodruff.
a special train. bearing 1900 members
~ the Thlrty-f0urth Infantry passed
through OElcn today over the Union
Pacific nnruutr 90 San Francisco. The
troops are from Denver. Travelling
Passenger Agent ). %. Goodsoll will ac-
company the HulllHrH
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28
Killed and MutiIated Ten Miles
South Of Cebu City,
ROBBER BANDS OF NEGR0S
Have Itccn scattered Armed Tagais
VINO Entered island severely Pune
isbcd Little change In Panny.

Washington. Aus. 2S.-Tho following
dispatch has been received from Gen.
otis dated yesterday
Hughes, Liollo, reports four soldiers
amhuaheJ. killed. mutllatcd. few miles
south of The city OF Cobu. names not
given. that robbor bands Ncgrus scnt-
tered and most u the same returning
Co work on sugar plantations, that
arm~i Tngals who had entered that Is
land severely punished and that con-
ditlUnH favorable f0r formation of civil
government under military supervision
ORE directed. Little change iu pnnhy
and CUbu Islands. Withdrawal o. vol
untrUrs and regulars discharged under
oHdUr forty lust year, has prevented
active campaign in those Islands,
which modltatod endorsements VIII
cure.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28

Ncw York. Aug. 2s.-'rhe entire group
of buildings with the exception nf the
hospital which cnmpriaol the convent
M st. lEuus ana nrphuuuug ln charge
or The Dominican sisters. Fiturlel nut
h1lf milo from SnlrklU. NucNuud
county. were burned early today and na
fnr ns ~ known four lives were Loot
and many were Injured, two OF whom
VIII probably die.
The work OF getting tho children out
Uf the buildings was herolCNly per-
formed by tho sisters in charge. ably
assisted by some nurses and monitura
us voll nH many ut the older boys
All 20 the children wguv taken out
alive. but two little tots. Helen Brown,
AGED q years, and Emma Muckn,
years OF age, died Of commissions after
they had been rescued. An nFHd woe
man nurse. known uH Jane. Dr. supposed
Go have persisted In the building
Theresa Murphy 10 years uf age "a
monitor with the rest uf the Inmates,
escaped. but won't back 60 save baby
aud persisted
K1ie Mccarthy servant. who o. SUE
fHrIuE from shock. viii probably die.
and Theresa Murphy, 10 yeHra Or also
seriously injured,
Six OF tho sisters jumped from tho
second. third and fourth floors VI the
building but only one OF them was sore
lpuHly Injured.
AIN" D. HI.A'I NN'NIINNlN WIN I" NAIINIH
ius from conclusion ~ the spine.
Sister Marie o. severely burned. Sis
ter Catherine had am arm broken.
Sister sienna. who assisted IN the work
NJ rescue showing wonderful courage.
collapsed after tho children were gotten
out and remained unconscious FOR Sow
trll hours,
Sister Agnes had n miraculous escape
from Injury and possible death. Aftcr
climbing out uf u fourth story window,
Hho took hold m the swinging shutter.
swung herself free Of the building and
dropped 90 the ground without appnr-
cnt Injury.
IN an there were SEQ children. ~
which 60 were loo the girls buildings
when the Gre broke out Most OF the
children were Hont 90 tho orphanaro
through the Gerry Society. and the poe
lice magistrates. All NJ tho children
and sisters, us well as the wounded. uro
being taken care of nt tho Hlauvult
convent. which ~ about two miles from
the scene NJ the conilnErltlon
About twenty-five OF tho children Tee
cniyCd injuries, none M which the doe
tors think win prove fatal
no r. believed the FIRE was OF lncop-
/ diary origin.
The property loss ~ 100000.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28
FIRST WANTS As orIyIoy

The board OF trustees Of the Arrle,,
lural College has made nunb.r b,
requisiilons upon the State au5.'.....
Office among which IL ono for iis.s Il,
Tor general maintenance. Tho 49,,
asked for the allowance cf mi. 80.
nt the same time requesting ma q,
ohhtseu 70 the appropriation I'D az
made by the Legisinture Tor fb.
odemlc years ending June sO fs'i
lufv drawing the warrant Nh. uieb..t.
was ue.lrous N ascertniuine fii v..ii
pend the whole Of tho a.. ooo .N'
prlatcd by the government nrt i'
~ now available. before tuurbip. p
~ the state funds. He accorlIrlI,
dressed q communication to AL.
General Bishop today asking To-
opinion on the question '"
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28

LINES. Infant daughter Of Mr. and
Mrs. II s.. Lines. Of cholera infantum.
Aug 9th.
Services nc home NJ paronta. "a
Church street, thl. afternoon at pm.
gCHOFfELp.-Of the Twentieth
ward la this city John Schonrld. for
mnrly 0f Manchester England. De-
ceased wps born In pruylzdon near
Manchester, England, February sra.
1897, being 70 yoaW and z months Old.
The remains may be Viewed ut tho
residence 90 hla daughter, Mrs.
Reynolds, 1913 Fourth street, between
i2sa0 and 1880 y. m. Tuesday, the goth
inst. Funeral services vii be held at
tho Twentieth ward meeting house.
commencing at o'clock. Friends In
yItod.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28
MONDAY A LEGAL HOLIDAY.

IN tho sitting OF criminal cases and
tho issuing Of 20 yonire Tor twenty-five
jurors last Friday the country uttur-
n'y'H office overlooked the fact that
Monday next o. Labor nay and 'H tho
statutes makes 90 lcgni holiday tho
probabilities arr the jurors will Hot oy-
uused until Tuesday. and the two cases
~ down lur lrIlI VIII b. clnLInuuI.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28
BICYCLE RACES FOR TO.
NIGHT.

In connection with the large program
40 the Salt pullco tonight the manage
meut has decided 20 give matinee
bicycle meet, preceding the dancing
and also give the spectators an oppor-
tuuity TO 40 through the Midway the
biggest attraction in tho West. without
any extra cost. The admission ticket
Includes entrance 10 che grounds, 20 the
cyclic races ana 10 the dancing hall. j..
NJ Chapman VIII try 10 lower the
worlds record Tor the unpaccd mile and
Inns boon training for this event the
past week. He win ride 100 gcarod
wheel There arc two othor oveW1;
Ont-mllc record trial hy j. NJ. Chap
man.
Two-mue handicap professional
Onr-milU handicap amateur
The band win play tho latest 9oloc-
tiour. The races start promptly at $3.50,
Admission Co grounds 20 ceuts-lilCf-
Gle RACES FHEE.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28
sALr LAKE STAKE CONFERENCE.

The quarterly conference OF this stake
will convene In the Assembly Hall,
Salt Lake city, on Saturday, septem-
Dor J, nt 10 q. M, ana -. M; also
at 10 o.. M, sunday, tho ana In the
Tabernacle NJ %. M.
The officers and members ~ the stake
viii please govern themselves accord
lugIy
Your brethren,
ANGUS NJ. CANNON,
JOSEPH =. TAYLOR.
CHARLES w pENHOSE.
Presidency OF Stake.
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-08-28

Wells 90 change the wording or hi7 9uer
~ reward an that u NguW ~, FiNe9
NJ the fellow Dr. captured eNher neul
...... .,,..-.
........
This morning telephone M.
10y, .'' .......s a.. 49,
I,E t.i ILL az tb,
'' 1891 ofi
guy WV 4.,..,'t,.4
quo ., ,,i
49,. ~.
'. "'N ..l. '"' d.. IN,