Mesa free press., 1899-08-25
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The summer-garden: Jaggles =
What have the theatrical managers
lone to elevate the stage" Waggles-
Moved it up to the roof."-Judge.
The novice-"Do you find it hard
work, my boy?" The caddie-"Well, de
| hardest parts keepin' from laughin'
when de guys miss de ball."-Puck.
"Did that woman give any reason for
attempting suicide?" Eyes, your hon
Or" "What was it?' "She says she
wanted to kill herself" Chicago Rec
ord.
Browne-'Waiter, bring me a dozen
oysters on the half-shell" Waiter
Sorry, sab, but we's all out of she'll
fish, sab, 'ceptin' aigs."- Rochester
Union and Advertiser.
She (coquettishly)-"I read the other
day, Cousin Charley, that marriage is
declining" He Qnspired)-"Oh, that's
quite wrong. Marriage is-accepting."
(Seizes the opportunity and proposes)
Punch.
what are you signing for?" asked
the Registry Department of the Dead
Letter Office. mo one has so many
rejected addresses as L" was the sor-
rowful reply. = Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
Minister-"My poor woman, you must
be full of regret for the awful crime
you committed" Condemned murder
ess-"Yes; should have done it twen-
ty years ago, when was young and
beautiful. Judge.
"My husband" said Mrs Malaprop,
sis just crazy over the opening of the
Of anything else." "Fond Of the sport,
is hep asked her friend. "Well, l
should say SO! He's regular Anglo
maniac"
Mrs. Jackson-"Speakin' oh your hus-
BAN, Mrs. Wimple, did he evah convey
to you dat he done propose to me befo'
he married you?' Mrs. Wimple-
"'Deed he didn't! He was so ashamed
OBJ some OBJ de fings he did dat l nevah
insisted upon a confession. Life.
An exchange of shots: Mr.. Wedd
(spitefully)-"You look as if you had
been rubbing your face all over the in
side of powder-factory." Mrs. Wedd
(sweetly malicious)-"Perhaps l have,
love; but it is smokeless powder and
doesn't smell like a barroom. Judge.
"Well, old man, guess 1 better 60
home. My wife will raise holy row,
even as it is" 'Why don't you do as l
do when you find you have stayed out
too late?' ''What do you do?' 81 just
keep on staying out until know she is
scared and will be overjoyed to see
me-"
"In the spring a young mans fancy
lightly turns to thoughts Of love-" he
said. She sighed and shook her head.
'"That's the trouble" she replied; "they
turn lightly instead of seriously" For
she was a girl who had been through
several spring engagements.-Ch
Post.
Tommy" said a father to his pre-
cocious 5-year-old son and heir, "your
mother tells me she gives you pennies
to be good. Do you think that is right"
"Of course it u.s." replied Tommy; "you
certainly don't want me to grow up and
be good for nothing, do you?'-ChicagO
News.
A young hopeful sat in the window
long time the other night during a
thunderstorm, and contemplated the
scene with a wise look on his face,
Then he turned to his mother, and said:
Mamma, the angels are scratching
matches on the sky" = Household
Words.
A different commodity: Mrs. Newly
wed-"I don't see why you are in such
hurry to get to work, mornings. You
used to say that you could love me
through all eternity" Mr.. Newlywed-
"And so I can and will, dearest; but
time on earth is more valuable, you
know."-Judge.
Mr.. Courtney (1atteringly)-'T had
the blues awfully when came here to-
night, Miss Fisher, but they are all
gone now. You are as good as medi-
| II
eyes; father says she'll be a drug in
the market if she doesn't catch on to
some fellow soon." n."-Tit-Bits.
An unavailable Endorsement: Clerk
Ito patent medicine man)-"Here is T.
curious credential from one Of our GUS
TONER'S Medicine man-"Read it."
Clerk" Before l took your Elixir my
face was a sight. You ought to see it
now. Send me another bottle for my
mother-in-law Harlem Life.
Remember, boys" said the master,
that in the bright lexicon nf youth
there's no such word as fail" After a
few moments a boy raised mis- hand.
"Well, what is it my lad?' asked the
master. 81 was merely going to sug-
gest," replied the youngster, 'that If
such is the case it would be advisable
to write to the publishers Of that lexi-
con, and call their attention to the
omission. n."-Tit-Bit
s1ThoodOrao - said Mrs HardScra bile