The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1899-01-11
TURNED THE TABLES.
A STORY OF ARTEMuS WARD AND
HENRY J. CYRON.

Found Ia the End That He Had Met
His Match at Chatting.
What follows relates to the first
meeting of the late Henry j. Byron
and Artemus Ward It was at the Saw
age club after enc of the Saturday din
ners, and Tom Robertson suggested to
Artemus to have tilt wi Byron and,
if possible, draw him out The genial
Snowman had only been in England
few days. but he knew Byrcn's "me-
tier and went for him in this fashion:
II fancy have seen face like yours
before Did you ever have brother
Alonzo?' Robertson was behind Arte-
mus and winked at Byron.
"Alas, / hadr' replied the drama
tist instantly catching the situation.
"He was a mar!o-r. e-gaeed on the
deep:''
'That's So
"You haven't hear;: of him for FIVE
years?'
Byron affected to be lost in reflection
and deliberately replied: tits five
years ago this very day. How curious
you should mention it, sir!"
"Well, sir" replied Artemus, taking
out his handkerchief and pretending to
wine away tear, ~ sailed the salt sea
with your brother We were wrecked
together in the gulf Of Mexico, and be-
fore belp came / killed and ate him!
The moment saw you l recognized the
likeness. He was good fellow, full OF
tender feeling.
81 am glad you found him tender,
interrupted Byron, also pulling out his
handkerchief.
sBut, sir, am awfully sorry ate
him." said Artemus in the most imper-
turbable fashion. Had l known /
should ever meet his brother I am sure
I'd have gone without food some weeks
longer. But was driven to it, and you
will forgive me, won't you? liked
Alorzo," ard he offered his hand to
Byron, which the latter shook with cor
dality.
Excuse my emotion, won't you?"
gasped Byron in his handkerchief. "He
never wrote and told me what had be-
come Of him l hope he agreed with
you"
"a slight indigestion afterward. He
was a little tough, replied Artemus,
"but we'll not speak of that. We both
suffered. He suffered most. But remem-
ber, sir, the law can't touch me now.
It was stern necessity, and necessity, as
you may have heard, knows no Law.
But am willing to pay You damages
for the loss About what would you
think fair compensation"
Don't mention it, said Byron, VINO
now thought it time to turn the tables.
II think your name is Ward2" said he.
"Yes."
"Artemus Ward?''
"Quite SO.
"You had father?"
~ had
"He was a Yankee peddler in his own
country, was he not? Sold bug pizen
and fine tooth combs?''
"You We hit the comb mean the
nail-on the head
.'He died in the black country OF
England, did be not?''
"He did. y
"Well, l killed him. I knew yoI
were his son the moment I laid eyes cI
you. He was nice old gentleman, and
I made his acquaintance in Stafford
shire. He wished to go down a deep
coal mine; so did I. and We went down
together, had good time, explored,
luuched with the miners, drank more
than was good for Us and proceeded to
return to Mother Earth's su-face. After
you have been down mine you are
fond Of your mother, assure you. The
prodigal felt nothing to what ezpe-
rienced. We entered the huge basket
and were being slowly drawn toward
the mouth of the pit when saw the
old rope was about to snap under the
strain. It was perilous, horrible,
critical moment. The weight Of two
men was too great, and your father was
broad, bulky man Self preservation
is the first law Of nature. An instant
more and we were both lost. Weseemed
to be about so feet from the top.
l hastily called your fathers atten.
| tion to something-implored him, in
fact, to look down the mine. He did so,
and as gently tipped him over he went
whirling and crashing to the bottom.
It was rough on him, but saved my
| self. l ciphered it out on the instant
like this: He is an old man, nearly
bald, deaf in one ear, two teeth gone in
| front, with only a few years to live. /
am half his age, strong and healthy,
the father of a young family, with a
career before me, a comedy to finish for
the Haymarket and burlesque accept
ed at the Strand Now, ask you, IN.
4 der the circumstances, did not behave
nobly?"
"You did, you did!" sobbed Arte-
mus. ~ would have acted that way
myself
81 am glad to find you so intelligent.
You ate. my brother and found him
tough, and am the assassin Of your
dear old tathe,." continued Byron,
keeping up the farce Of pretended emo
tion. 1--WE are both avenged. Let as
draw a veil over the past and never
sIlude to these heartrending INCIDENTS
again.
agreed We cry quits. Shake!'
roared Artemus, extending both banda
and dramatically dashing food OF i'm
aginary tears from his eyes. Then be
summoned waiter, glasses round were
speedily ordered, and everybody was full
of congratulations upon the ready man
ner in which the two wits had conduct
ed their impromptn chaf.-Exchanse-
A Reazon.
The Sweet Young Thiag-But why
should not women enter politics:
The Savage Bachelor-Ioo many
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