The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-12-25
lightning Rod Man
On an Automobile
Berleen, Dec. 10,
In the Hospitel.
NV Deer Mr.. Editur:--

Were you see the ritter day you
wood scarce CESS it waz the same ham
sum, debonare sitizen ov the L. s. who
! left America in the brite Lexington ov
| youth 1 or 2 moons ago.
! / am a fizzkal reck. l am no longer
| the helthy spesimen ov American az
when last you witnest me but
broozed, NAMED, cortplasterd bundel
ov fracktured bones &quivverlng flesh.
I ! hav rid in an awtomobeel!
In an ungarded moment / axsepted
an invitashun . go out with an agt.
| who iz selling them or rather was
selling them hear in Berleen.
Ever snts | 1st red ov the awtomo-
/ bcel hav hankerd chants mownt
| I. | no longer banker. In fact ! am
/ out ov the hankern business awl
gcther. be kandid, | amt2 week even
banker & when "yures trooly" cant
hank you kin bet enormus wads ov
wclth that he IL prtty far gone.
Tho | hav never bin In a stecm bote
I XplCShun or a ralc rode reck, | hav
, rode a buCkin bronkO when the a ( sed
buCkin bronko waz i'm hiz hay day & |
EaV awlso fell off the steepil oV a Bap-
tiSt church while ereCtin a litninG rod,
but az thay say in geometry: \
! buckin bronko liz a buckin awtomo-
bcel az a teeny, weeny mice IL
/ r!nocruss.
Wood that my powers ov deskrip-
shun waz ekwal my subject!
The Inglish langWidge IL voluminuS
in the XtremC, in fact at both Xtremes,
& flatter myself cnuff think that az
a gcnral thing / can summon words ?
Xpress my meening but l konfess that
at present I am at see.
Mr., Editur, did you ever dreem that
you waz bein inisheatid in . the Ma
sons, the odd Fcllozc, the Elks & evrey
other lodge OV sekrit sosetys at once?
& that 10000 gotes waa buttin you in
10000 diffrent & distinllt spotz on yure
anatomy? Well, l hav. & woke up Z,
scarf . dath. swimmin in a cold, clam
my peTspCrashun, but if ever ! due
agen a sarkastick grin will disport it.
self on my classiCk lectures e. will
Chortlc in my glee az ] remarkt, in a
placid tons, "Kentelmen, due yure wust,
it liz Childs play. ! haV rid in an aw-
tOmObeel"' & az l poor cote after an
luther butZ itz brainZ out, brakes horn
after horn & bites the dust at my feat
I will state in q vOise. chOlit with emo
shun. Il shame, futOor bruthers. 2
mangel q asSaSsinate theze poor inno-
cents becsts; fun IL fun but brootality
i2 rampant. The butter in German
restaurants IL stronger than theze;
besides, I hav rid in, an awtomobeel!
The animal itself IL as innosent look
in a crittcr az you ever lookt at. 1t
Just looks like an ordinery wagon with
bycicle Wcals and the shaw snipt off
but i'm this respect he rezembels the
; huckin bronko You kin Iced a bronko
awl around the lot, up the front walk
on the piazza e. in ? the settn room
81 heez az gentei az a kitten, but jest
! az soon as you think he IL pacifde &
! igOt awl about buckin there IL where
yure kalkulashun IL dekrepid & figgera
, lie.
/ As l sad be he waz az gentil az a
. kitten but whan you try mount him
he haz reecht mans estate & there IL
+ no more harm in him than there liz IN
| wild kat There seams , be an in.
q herited desire in the bronko . bar the
\ progress ov sivilizashun & ruin the
$ morels ov church goers. Yet he IL moi
o awl bad.
$ The first time / rid a bronko thu
] cowboy that aCktid az my preseptel
told me- i'm konfdcnts, that the onley
K way 4ever subject the beest waz
t tire him out & thus proov that mar
t waz sOoperier the brute kreashure
r I thawt it wa2 brootal , due cnythine
. like that 2 a dunn beest & desided :
Il uze moral swashun but the erley edu
e kashun ov the critter want mutch OF
the morel swashun plan, I judge, he
refuzed be swazed.
As | sed bed he IL not awl bad tho
admit that the biggest majority o.
D him iZ inklined 2 be trecherus. Blu
= what l wanted , say liz this: after yol
> are once in the saddel you don't re
t mane their indefinitely; in fact. yurt
u stay liz quite breef. You part com
i pany. Yure quondam my prefrents /:
2 axsent the last sillabcD friend starts
, you on yure upward Jenny & theI
leeves you; yet, while you are still il
the air, so kwiCk duz the brOnko thinl
= that he seams sorry he haz left you s,
l. abruptly & besides 2 meat you y wa!
d, sooting the thawt 3 the aXshun, du
=. so. There IL no dowt abowt It, h.
meats you, & there IL no necessity
the onlookers inform you that sutcl
liz the case you will redily realize it err
the spectators tell you abowt it. Then
e just ? proove he can due it more thar
once he Tepeets it add libitum (Frencl
= 4 scvral more times)
# look at the back ov a bronko it ap
= pears ? be a nice kOnfOrtabel seat bu
II abowt the Sth time you've left it & h
a Gums up , meat you it begins fea
Y like a razer & along abowt the 27t
II time you land it feals az tho the raze
n was hOncd between times. Alon
r. abowt this time the everthawtfu
bronko, feering that it IL becummin
: monotinus & proov awlso that he /
~ versatil & haz other tricks up hi
" sleeve reerZ up, LIST on his hind leg
:, and then visey versa-but why kon
"a tinue a sad tail? Suffice il remar
10 that when that brOnkO waz threw play
y ing with me he had driven the crotc
,s ov my troWsers so high that the vast
a bands cut me under the arms NJ
~ dear editur, l hope syou hav never bi
,s rid out ov town on a rale, but If yo
hav / asshure you that rale IL a leth
- er kwisshun high back chare kompare
. a sadde on a bronkO.
l staTtid out . Civ diskripshun oV
ride i'm an awtomobeel but my facku
tvs ov delineashun 4sake me; the bes
| kin say IL multiply bronko ride b