Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-07-25
TEA-TABLE SALAD.

i
L>~~-~O--~-~0o-~-~~~~~ ~-~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~~o~
The Widow-''Every time he kisses me
he colors up to his eyes" The Bud
And does he never get any of the stuff
in his eyes? "-Judge.
Singleton-''Before she married you
your wife was always very pensiye"
Benedick (sadly)-"Yes; but she's expen
sive now"
Teacher how did it happen that
Joseph had a coat of many colors?"
Little Petite Coz e played CUFF,
ma am.'-Ex.
Good morning! l am here to tune
your piano" My piano! did not or
der piano-tuner." NO, but the gen
tleman across the way did."-Fliegende
Hlaetter.
Orator-''No, gentlemen; tell you that
if you want thing done we'll, you must
always do it yourself" Voice from the
Crowd-"How about getting your hair
ut?'-Ex.
The Grocer-''Yes, sir, these grano-
grino is the best breakfast food on the
market 1t is pre-digested.' Mr.. Fads-
by (shuddering)- BLESS my soul. By
whom ?''-Life.
Mrs. Riley-"Are yez on calm terms
wild our new neighbour
Mrs. Murphy-''Av coorse | am. She
called me thafe, and | called her an
other. "-Tit-Bits.
Can you lend me $5?' asked Wilber-
force of Gildersleeve.
Last night" was the latter's reply, Il
attended a church ice-cream festival
with Miss Frocks.'
Mamma Cat the breakfast table, "Y on
always ought to use your napkin,
ma; I've got the dog tied to the leg of
the table with Tx.
At the Royal Academy-"This portrait
makes her look prettier than she did
when | met her, Jane" "Of course,
ma, the artist paints SO much better chan
she does. ''-Pick-Me-Up.
A little EsQuimau girl caught cold in
New York one day this week. To main,
tain the equilibrium Il Venezuelan should
go to Greenland and succumb to heat
OstratiOn-LOckport UnionSun.
1T seems queer" remarked Fangle.
that while no animal wears a hat, there
is only one that goes bearheaded.
What animal is that?' asked Mrs.
Fangle with deep interest.-Harlem Life.
Smith-"You're looking rather tagged,
Brown"
Brown-''Yes, have been troubled with
insomnia lately"
Smith-'You don't say. Boy or grip
Harlem Life.
His Narrow Escape: .'Weli, Ned final
~ proposed last Sunday evening" WAS
he embarrassed ''Emba raised? I
should say so. Why. he made such hard
work of it l was afraid he'd desecrate
the Sabbath.'-Puck.
Mrs. Lushley-"Oh, you needn't try to
conceal your condition: You're holding
the paper upside down." Mr. Lushley-
Il know't m dear-did it on purposh-
someshing here no deshent man oughter
read. ''-Brooklyn Life.
Met His Superior. Hardened scoun-
drel-"How'd you make out at Robin
the train?'' Desperate villain Tin dis
gust)-"Done first rate till l got into the
Pullman sleeper. Then the porter held
me upr'-Harlem Life.
Jack was almost overcome with the
heat today"
What was he doing?''
Writing an article on How to Keep
Warm for the Christmas number Of one
of the big magazines. philadelphia
Bulletin.
''SOme of those postoffce people are
very clever. They can read illegible
writing and deliver letters when the ad-
dress is worse than Chinese puzzle"
Yes; but they cant help out the man
who forgets to mail his wife's letters''--
Brooklyn Life.
At the 4O-Cent Table 'Hote-Fuzzy-
L notice that most of the diners put wa
ter in the claret."
MuZzy-'A very proper proceeding
The water keeps the wine from poison
ing them, and the wine prevents the wa
ter from making them sici."-New York
Tribune.
did you have any trouble about your
vote while you were at homer
No, suh," answered Mr.. Erastus
Pinkley. Il didn' have no trouble. / jes'
stood on my dignity. | picked out my
candidate and when de 'spute stahted |
said dat eff dey wouldn't let me vote fob
him | wouldn't vote fob nobody
Washington Star.
''Now they are singing about the Girl
Behind the Man Behind the Gun
Eyes, and pretty soon they'll work in
the old Man Behind the Girl
''And then they'll put the old Woman
Behind the Old Man.
''Then what?'
ooh, Imagination can't go any fur
Their. Cleveland Plaindealer.