davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

stand ready to knock off 10 per cent.
fur his spayins; when you buy one de-
mand reduction of 20. Pay your
debts widout waitin to be sued, but
don't pay anything befo' you git bill
and take time to think it ober.
Oar am no SIGH thing as Providence
helpin' out a man who goes off fishin'
when de flour barl am empty and de
rent unpaid. Providence has all she
kin do to run her own bizness.
Now an den somebody may lose a
dollar in de road. but de man who sots
out to find de money will walk twice as
fur an spend twice as much time as he
would to spit on his hands and arm 1t
wild a shovel.
"Out of every 20 men 10 will sot
around and cuss luck and wonder why
dey don't get along better. De odd one
will keep peggin' away wild hands and
brains until he is rich. De pusson who
waits fur luck is as apt to get blowed
up with a naptha stove as he is to in
herit a legacy.
Don't be too truthful; and don't
git de reputashion Of bein' a liar. To
git along in a social way you must
flatter and deceive and put truth fur
away. To do business wild business
men your woSd must be as good as your
bond. Speak de truth or make liar
of yourself to suit de time and &c
crowd"
When you make friend of woman
you may be sartin dat de friendship will
last only as long as you agree wild her;
when you make friendship wild man
it may continue until he recklessly
lends you 500 widout security.
ct am not wise to borrow trouble,
but when de wife am barefut and de
woodbox am empty de man who don's
feel a bit anxious am purity sartin to
want fur a good breakfast.
"Ebery man breaks down now and
den and desires to become confidential,
but those may be called de perils of
his life. De man who am foolish huff
to admit dat he dyes his har, wears 4
porous plaster. lies about his aige or
don't hear as well as he did 20 y'ars ago
weakens your respect and excites your
contempt.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

ne entered the yard from the alley to
come in at the back door and have a
pop at us. For the last four weeks we
have had a pet wildcat chained up in
, the yard, and Uncle John stopped to
discuss matters with the cat The cat
was willing and the row brought out
half the town. In about a minute she
had clawed all the clothes off the old
crank land thirty seconds later he had
IA different scratches between his chin
and his heels. He is in bed and we are
footing the bill. and from word
dropped now and then we think the old
man will drink more whisky and be
less of crank when he gets out again.
Anybody else who wants to pick fuss
with our wildcat over Diogones, Pliny,
Plato or any other man, living or dead,
will find her at home day or night ard
ready for argument
A LITTLE SURPRISE PARTY.
As the Mayor Of this town (who is
ourself) was on Apache avenue Mon
day afternoon in company with the ed
itor Of the Kicker (who is ourself) he
was insulted by stranger who goes by
the name of Jim Larkins., His Honor
went in to lick the stranger out of his
boots, which was exactly what the
stranger was aching for. In about one
minute he was knocking us all over
the street, and in less than two he had
us licked. We are no prize fighter, but
up to this event we had felt that we
could put up our dukes with almost
anything in the world, and our surprise
at being toyed with and finally knocked
into heap was extremely genuine. We
have no doubt that he is an old pugil-
list and was rung in on us for the occa-
sion, and it is a lesson that we shall
not forget.
FELT IT IN OUR BONES.
Some few weeks ago stranger
named Scott arrived in town and open
ed poker room next to the postoff1ce.
AS he didn't call on US in regard to ad-
vertising we went around to see him.
He did not receive us with that courtesy
which we had right to expect, but
emphatically told us to go to with our
advertising and the rest of the Kicker.
Harry Bartholomew is VISITING friends
We went, but believing there was some
thing wrong with Mr. Scott we sent
his description to the GA sheriffs and
chiefs of police who are constantly in
communication with us. Last Tuesday
just after we had gone to press, de-
tective arrived from Kentucky and col
Jared Mr.. Scott, who is a defaulting
county treasurer. He has left us and
we bought his poker outfit at about %
cents on the dollar. Had Mr.. Scott
advertised he would doubtless have
built up a large and profitable bust
ness, but he took wrong view of it,
and will probably go to State prison
for Is or 20 years.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

a silver on one of the stave caught him
and held him fast. His entire head
was in the key. and then the fun was
all on my side. He used his paws to
try to pull the thing off, but it was no
go. He Knocked the key agin the door
and the wall. but he couldn't bust it.
Then he begun to git skeert, and he
rolled over and over and whined like
puppy. But fur my hurt | could hev
got up then and finished him OF, but
them broken ribs wouldn't low me to
lift my arm. l did manage to sit up on
the edge of the bed, and | should have
got across the room an out doors if the
bar had kept quiet. But he didn't.
He was tumblin around and rollin'
about like rubber ball, and 1 wasn't
good to jump over or dodge him. l
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

knowed he must strike the bed sooner
or later, and l managed to git over to
the fireplace jest befo' he come rollin'
that way. He was whimperin with
fear, but as his paw hit the bedstead
he changed from fear to madness. He
took it that the bed was to blame, and
in two minutes he had torn it to pieces
He was still clawin and bitin' and
swearin' when my old woman appeared
in the door and uttered a YELL"
And what followed?"
"The funniest thing of all, reckon, 4"
replied Zeb with a laugh. CAS- the bar
heard her voice he made a rush fur the
door. The key was still over his head,
but he made straight line. He hit
the old woman on the knees with that
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09
WAS HAvIN' A HEAP O. FUN"

l heard the old woman movin' about,
and l fetched groan or two and feeb-
ly told her what had happened. She
didn't speak up or come near me, and
l was gittin' mad over it when | got a
skeer to bring my har on end.
Some stranger in the cabin?" ask
ed as old Zo5 smoked and chuckled
ut was that" he answered. 1T was
not only a stranger, but it was that
bar had bin huntin' fur. He had
come to make proper AFTERNOON call,
and findin' the door open he had walk
ed in without knockin'. He must hev
seen me on the bed befo' l called out,
but he took it that l was either asleep
or dead. When he found | wfs alive
and awake he come amblin' across the
room and lifted his head and Shoulders
upon the bed to hev look. His nose
wasn't over foot from my face as he
got up, and my heart made long jump
into my throat and shet my breath off.
Lord save We, but was so skeered that
l went silly! The bar shifted and
snuffed and growled a few times, and
l was expectin' to feel his teeth in my
throat when ne backed off and dropped
to the floor. l had bin huntin that
critter high and low, and l had sworn
to hev his life, and if he had bin a re-
vengeful bar he'd made short work
O. me. He wasn't that sort, however.
He was up to tricks, but he wasn't re-
vengeful."
well, what did you do?" I queried
as there came another long pause.
"Nuthin' tall. with my ribs broken
I was helpless. BY turnin- my head l
could watch the bar, and / was mighty
glad to find that he wasn't goin' to
chaw me up right away. That varmint
hadn't never bin in house befo', and
everything was strange to him. The
fust thing he did was TO pull down and
tear up the clothes hangin' on the pegs.
Then he flung down the clock and up
sot the table. Thar was a bar'l half
full of -four, and he upset it and rolled
in the -four as you hev seen a dawg
roll in the dust. In the co'se of ten
minits he had made an awful wreck OF
things and mo- than got even with me.
He kept up a sort O. low growlin' as
ne worked. but he wasn't mad. On the
contrary, he was hevin' heap o. fun
and wishin' thar was mo- to destroy
1t didn't stand to reason that he would
let the bed escape. He was bound to
pull it down befo' he left, and he might
also conclude to gin me PAWN over.
l begun to git skeered agin. and | do
believe / suffered as much as if the bar
had bin eatin' away at my legs. Bime
by he stood and looked at me. and
was tryin' to pray when he got sight
of the sorghum key in the cO'ner. Il
was a keg with cover, and one We had
used fer years, and mebbe thar was
about a quart OF 'lasses in the bottom.
He pulled the key over and got a sniff
of the sweet, and then thrust in a paw
and licked it. Sunthin' sweet was what
he was arter, but he wanted 1t all at
once. That was the reason he stuck
his head into the key"
And OF course he got it fast?" I
said.
That's what happened. sir, though
it was an accident, arter all. Thar
was plenty of room fur his head. but
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

During the last three days of the last
tered against the Arizona Kicker, ag-
gregating $450,000. Some editors would
have gone to bed to kick around all
night and dread of grizzly bears and
devil fish. but we are pursuing the
even tenor of our way and eating three
square meals day. In five years we
have had libel suits footing up about
$2,000,000, but we can't recall that we
ever paid out a dollar to heal wound
ed reputation. Once year we clear
of our editorial desk, grease our boots
and start out to call on the lawyers
who encourage the public in vain hopes.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

HE Hi Ol<O WOAlAAN-
keg. and as she come down kerwollop,
on the steps he jumped over her body
and rolled on the grass. She yelled
and the bar howled, and though
seemed to hev knives stickin' into me
had to laugh. / got over to the door
Jest as the bar got his wooden bonnet
off. He run full tilt again the cherry
tree and smashed the key, and as soon
as he could git the lasses out Of his
eyes he made off into the laurels as if
he had seen a ghost"
And then you explained to Mrs.
White?" / said.
81 don't reckon I did. Didn't pear to
me that thar was any need to explain.
She went into the cabin and looked
around and wept. and l sot down on the
door step and laughed. II she hadn't
gone off to her sisters that bar
wouldn't hev got into the house, and so
she dasn't raise fuss"
And didn't you see the bear AGAIN.
Never. He was the last bar left
around yere, ard when he got ready TO
go he probably travelled 200 miles befo'
he even stopped to breathe. l didn't
want no mo- OF him, and he didn't want
no mo OF me, and tween you and me
it viii be better not to say anything
befo' the old woman. She don't seem
to enjoy bar stories, and if she gifts her
back up our breakfast woel't be any
thing to brag Of"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

out yere in the yard moren' a dozen
nights, but on them nights he never
come near. / kept gittin' madden and
madden, and bein' as couldn't find the
bar | begun jawin' the old woman. 1t
wasn't right, of Sc, but l felt that /
had to jaw or bust The old woman
stood it fur awhile and then begun to
jaw back, and arter we'd had big row
she started off down the trail to her
sisters. When she had gone l went
out to nail board on the shed, and
while doin' it fell off the roof and
broke three ribs. When I got into the
house | was that weak with pain that
| had to flop myself down on the bed.
reckon | sorter tainted away as l lay
thar, and mebbe it was half an hour
befo' come out Of it. Then l thought
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09
THE CAT WAS WILLING.

sudden change. We don't know yet
whether the audience was down on us
or the railroad scheme, but there was
u sudden uprising Of yecmanry and
fusilade of missiles. and we felt it our
duty 10 retire. We retired with what
may be termed considerable precipitan-
cy, and to the best of our knowledge
and belief we were pursued three miles.
Very likely, some orators would have
stopped to inquire what it was all about,
but we didn't. We figuered that it
would save embarrassment to both sides
10 get home as soon as possible and
send our inquiries through the mail.
They have been sent, and we are wait
ing to be enlightened. Meanwhile, if
the Bear Valley railroad leaves the
town Of Grass Valley 40 miles to the
right, the people must hold US blame
less. Railroads have their idioms as
well as human beings. The report
that we were overtaken on the highway
and misused was altogether false. We
had 40 rods the start, and our mule
never ran better in his life.
STOPPED IN THE BACK YARD.
Uncle John Drew, Of this town. who
is crank on almost every subject that
can be named, and who is drunk when
not crank, objected to an item in
the Kicker last week about Diagnoses.
We didn't know of his objections until
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09
LACK OF ECONOMY.

"It's too bad. said little Bessie, that
there isn't another little Peters boy"
They have six said her mother, Il
should consider that about enough"
WELL said the little girl. they can
all take each others clothes as they
grow up. but there Isn't any one 10
take little Jchnnie's. and Il seems kinx
Of wasteful "-Harper's Bazars
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

Some of them are not expecting us
and fall an easy prey, while others get
in shot or two before we reach the
head of the stairs. We have always
carried our point, however. and the
docket has always been cleared. We
have a habit of using plain English in
our editorial and local columns. and
though it sometimes hurts, the MAORI
ty OF our readers like it and support
us in it. We should keep right on if
we had forty libel suits on hand. Now
and then We can be taken by surprise
and held up, D2f 2%ro-ssdings at law
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09
ArNTY's AGE

Mother clearing Eethel saying her
prayers)--And let US ali live to good
old age"
Ethel-I'II not pray for aunty 10 n.s
10 an cid age
Mother fastoun6ed)-Why?
Ethei-'Cause she's ashamed OF her
age now.-Pack.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09
EVENTS AS A GIANT CRACKER

The society magazine, Events. comes
out this month in Fourth of July col
crs and in large mailing tube in the
shape of a cannon ire-eracker, the
only one allowed in the city this year.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09
A VISITOR COMING.

I'VE are in receipt of a postal card
IRON an anonymous person at Florence
who says he will arrive at Giveadam
Gulch within week and shoot us out
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

of the Territory. The writing is in
firm. bold hand, and the writer evident
lv means business. We shall not be
away on a vacation when he arrives
nor will he have any trouble locating
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

MS. We have no idea why he wants
to remove us from our present sphere,
nor shall we stop to inquire 1t is a
part of a Western editors duty to be
shot at and to shoot back and if he
can't shoot the fastest and the quickest
he must expect to be recorded as a
failure in the editorial harness. In
any event, we premise to be on the
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

Fur % straight days. said the old
man, Il hunted the hills and hollers
from daylight till dark, but never got
sight of that bar. / put out three traps
fur him, but he lodged 'em all. / pig
ened some fresh meat and left it in the
woods, hut he wouldn't tech it. ! laid
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-09

lookout for the man from Florence,
and no matter how busy we are we
shall not keep him waiting over two
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-03-08

lands: excellent timber: 25.coo acres sur
veyed.
San Juan county. 1875 acres: broken
land poorly ;imbered; all surveyed,
skag.t county. sos.e5a acres. broken.
heavily tinbered; 9s.ee acres surveyed.
snohomish county. 224.2is acres: heavily
ilmbered; 2aco acres surveyed.
Whatcom county. 1n2. 56o acres: heavily
tsnbered: 2s0d1 acres surveyed.
Adams county. sas.s47 acres: good fruit
and grain country. prairie. farming. srax-
ing; S0on acres surveyed.
Lincoln county 233.f5a acres: farming
and grazing land: 2l2eo acres surveyed.
Spokane county io-is2 acres: mineral.
farming and fruit hands. $1,000 acres SIR
veyed
stevens county. I.5i9.9sS acres mountain
nus. but good farming tracts good mines.
,9ees0 acres surveyed
Whitman county, ". t07 acres: prairie
farming and grazing: al surveyed
Clarke county NJ 2$s acres; timber and
farming lands; 2S9a acres Surveyed.
Cowliix county. iso.aSs acres. timbcred
good farming land seso acres surveyed.
Klckitat county. 577.aes acres; timber.
farming and grazing lands; $50 Qfo acres
Surveyed.
Douglas county. isssSp acres: hliv:
farming. grazing. som@ rolling prairie
land about all surveyed.
Ktititas county s>a.82s acres; blly
tnlser, grazing, ss1me farming: ahnaf
tsc.tssa acres surveyed
Yakima county ST1.s2s acres: desert.
grazing. arid prairie. some timber. "a tsn
acres surveyed,
Cnlted States lard offices are lccated at
North Yakima. olympia Seattle. Spokane
Vancouver " ALA Waila ard Natereii3e
ANY Of these offsces will furnish such in
formation as they have 30 intending sef-
sisrs Uncle Sam has the max ms 81
hundreds of homes in THIS state that viii
make those sho take zap The land he Offers
NM. iNaf1 nteh
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-03-08

turns ia II and continues TO live on the
homestead for period Of five years. at
the expiration of which time. by the pay
nlent OF $50 fees on sl.25 land or $3.50 on
We land. he gets q deed from Uncle Sam
to the homestead
This course is pursued with lands that
have been surveyed. In case man
wants Ia locate a homestead on nnsur-
veyed lands he proceeds to bound the
land he wants by selecting some promi-
nent object or putting up "a monument of
some kind AT a certain point and then,
II he takes up 100 acres proceeds To meas
urs ona-half mile east. south, west and
north from this fixed point marking the
CORNERS OF this primitive survey. He puts
up notice on his monument that ne has
taken up the land and files his appiica-
ton n the land office. When the land is
surveyed he makes the proper filing and
secures, by purchase or living upon the
defstood thar settler upon unSurveyed
land must las out his homestead in the
form of sluare He can lay ii out in
any shape, providing he does not take IN
more than his share of land.
In eases Of contest over a homestead
CiatRn the district iai1d office hears and
decides the merits OF the controversy In
case af appeal the cause goes to the COM
missioner OF the general land office and
az court al last resort. the secretary
OF the interior hears and decides the
matter absolutely.
In the matter 0s timber claims the act
OF Juoe j. ISIS. is the law. Timber claims
must be- surveyed ana 4 plat on fiie in
Tn. district land office Sixty acres In
tract Is subject to entry. and II must he
pnf Passed AT the rate % SO per acre
When application Tor a tifn3s,r claim is
mad the settler must swear thf. claim il
non ntsnrrgi ard that SIS chief value h
the timber on IL. = * then advertised
Tor ten weeks and ou ;h.s dav fixed the
pure haser must come 10 the district land
Office WITH two witnesses and an three
swear 10 the character % the land The
mere fact that there is valuable timber on
a section of lard does nat nreveui it's
being horfesteaded II the land when
cleared IS valuable as agricultural land
Mineral err mining claims are stake1 out
~ the prp~pevtor. not mere than so By
1850 feet being allowed Ia clair7 The
rssstuanf puts up his BottceS on the claim
and rrEcrs}s the same with tbs, recorder
cf f1ss cr0nty In which II lies or with fh.
district recorder Of mines ~ such an OF
tCfaA has bFew chosen. ASSES srneut work
20 the amount ~ sitsa f.r year must he
agise 1u claim To hold it, Application
Ter survey NAV be made az any time.
- sse surveyor general and. when sur
VsXsd- the distric; laua office grants Is
Tue NtaM holder q patent
The foregoing rules = followed will
"tsAs}e any settler - lake Ge unsettled
gsFstfa nl@a' land Tor ths. purposes rsl@Y,~
ttonesi. absolute purchase being REQUIRED
Ia the matter of timber claims only.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-03-08
How To 1ET RAILROAD LAND.
Various Mind. of oner~ 10 Intending
settlers Here

Tse Northern paciae has Thousands 90
a-fvS 81 land sca}tersa au over - e<t~ra
" Asz2saEta@ hicn IS oEe0 20 sett yagglpsle.
tell sx$} tsrfns st sale This t9<isa4eS some
81 rs, esst sgrlc sistuesl. timber. ffnst ans
s-a1snE saf1 50 ue f9Gus IN t4s rssst ana
u resriN al easily accessible 20 ss8rFo,g,1-
tHE towns r5taeS and raL}T0a8.
Fac prize ef agricultural Land ia .ais
stss@ east - fA@ Cascade naoantagrx
ranges cl3'-fiy trsgn s. "a sfa as a-fe. ana
gfax41S i&f}3 ;voc2 81 - 3 rs az aeta 1her.
lands Aye P5}reSs;s sesi 0W ax. wears time
Ut}v xta tEAa = ratg 2sFe3 ~ tla4s 81 gstT
cEfaSS. af4 the balance Ia ue% eatsaI an
D2a4 tISnefats. wsta .istefest a. ger Cent-
S<r sHpGsn
AEt@A1 sFftsefs stray p,TshaSe fus 20 AK
Fe*& - 4s-fss ~ agricultural f@U4s On Fen
years t.fs}F az t~g Sset Interest pAysnG
Gss~SeDth as tsyue - ngeessas~ sFd sac ts2{
Sns'# 81 usur -sEi28} s-sE.E8i fss yEx.eFsS Th.y
asa fess ,siTe4 % SETTLE $50 tac kau4 ana Erra
prove g. T.nEsef aH5 t3rsh@r isfssss az
Sasa hY sp~cssl nsenf- Cras llsf7sea-
fls1a 9f q desire 70 ss4rcaaSM 3 z1ven srerS
az E4faet p . @z0ga%se3 ara sasH ~ ;e@
tefusS agreed alyAsu~ Es.s AMI A.ass ~
tss eeGsgAay N1a Furnish information rs
pt0ssAa4e settlers
lsN IENI-DI has arxgse4. sails gog KAT.