The record-union., 1899-08-31

their prescriptions. They exist every
where, but perhaps most of all in j
big city like this, where selfshness goes
a long time without calling down the
wrath of the gods. And the wrath of
mensdon't count. For the nuisance is
either a woman, and you can't punch
her, or it takes the form of a bigger
man, and you don't want to; or, if you
do, considerations of caution project
themselves, and you don't anyhow. The
woman in the case has been cited
we'll, because there is a woman in
every case, and it's customary to give
her precedence. That is her preroga-
tive-irst, always-and the writer, be-
ing not altogether lacking in the ele-
ments of politeness. leads off with a
feminine example.
The man nuisance is just as bad.
Everybody has met him. He is the
fellow-a potter word would dignity
the fellow, then, who stands on the
back platform of the car at the side
nearest the entrance. He is usually
portly, or, if not so. makes for his lack
of size by assuming an attitude which
effectually blocks the entrance or
egress. He is at his best on a crowded
car. He does not smoke himself, but he
manages to stand in such a way that
your arms are pinched to your side.
You want to smoke badly yourself be-
fore you get to the Office but this mon
ster in the shape of a man wedges you
in so closely that the hope dies in your
breast and your Havana grows rank
in your idle hand. And when you try
to get off the car you find him securely
planted. He does not bulge, and in vain
you shove to reach the hand rail. He
has effectually placed himself between
it and you.
This is the same kind of person-only
sometimes it happens to be a women
who always chooses the crowded seat.
There may be several vacant ones
but this person, with a quick glance,
notices about an inch of vanished
plank between two passengers in an al
ready we'll filled seat. 1t acts like
magnet. For such one no other part
of the car has any attraction, and with
a squeeze and a push this person settles
down to the enjoyment of his paper.
OF course he has to turn it's pages
frequently, only to be done in the
narrow space by means of gymnastic
contortions of the elbows which add
to the misery of everyone in that seat.
There is another class of people who
come under the head of nuisances,
though a stronger term might be APP
plicable in their case. They are the
mothers and fathers who allow their
children to play in the streets. lodging
every car and wagon. These people
evidently never ride themselves, or
if they do, they are blessed with dis
positions not subject to the possibilities
of nervous prostrations. The woman
who monopolizes the only vacant cross
seat in the elevated car and the man
whose knees are always in the way are
types too we'll known to need more
than a passing reference.
With the coming of the theatrical
season another class of nuisances ap-
pear. There is the man who has read
about the play or who has seen it be-
fore who persists in telling just what
is going to happen before the situation
develops, and the woman with kinks
in her voice which does not deter her
from furnishing her own aceompani-
ment to orchestra and singers.
A nuisance upon whom the law should
operate is the newly married chap who
tells you There's nothing like it." You
probably know that as we'll as he, and
only necessity compels you to live
alone and seek sympathetic walters iii
the restaurant which you seek three
times a day with the same joy which
marks the criminal who places his
head in the moose. But the newly mar