New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-04-05

Fuzzy-Will there be fight feed at the dol
lar dinners?
wuzzy-Both: the guests will fight. and the wait
ers will be feed.
Enthusiastic Young Miss-To think Of your being
wr rts' things. Cant you explain IL?
Venerable Hack-It is the simplest thing. You
The idea being introduced into the mind
fermentation during which scum rises TO the top
thought This YOU bottle up for your own use.
The scum you sell to publsher.-Nife
The municipal election OF Bronson. Kan. has just
gone by default. and unique condition Of munich
pal government will result. Three political Or
CARNATIONS exist in the town, but the people were
so busy digging for natural gas and zinc that they
utterly neglected 70 call a convention and make
nominations No ballots were printed and when
under the law they had 10 open the polls the
Election Commissioners telephoned to the County
Attorney for advice. They were instructed that no
legal election could be held. and unless the present
Mayor and other officers can hold over. the town
will he without government for two years.
NJ Noir-You have insult me- demand re
NJ Bianc-I have ze choice Of re weapon nest
ce pas?
NJ Blanc-Zen choose telephone Of re long
dstance.-(Iarper's Weekly
The Bishop Of London speaks thus about confes-
sion: THE practice Of confession can only become
habitual II II Is required as necessary pre-
lminary for the reception Of the Holy Communion
This It can never be in the Church of England
and do not think that the temper Of the English
people is such that they are likely TO accept
It voluntarily TO any great extent l consider that
its general adoption would show a weakening or
tho moral fibre OF the English character In the
Book Of Homlies. which is ordered to be read IN
the churches by the Thirty fifth Article of Religion
the clergy are exhorted to confess TO the laity as
well as the lats to the clergy.
Frank--D' you know. ! heard the other day that
the blocks from which they print fve-pound notes
take nearly three months to engrave? ....
Ella-Oh really! | suppose that's why they re
so expensive.-(Tit- Bits.
Some months ago" says The Kansas City
Journal" Professor L. T. Weeks. of Southwest
College wrote a poem which he thought was all
right and which he offered 10 The Century Maya
zine for publica ton His wife Ida Aheborn Weeks.
made fun Of his literary aspirations. and kept
telling him about the fall which lay in walt for
his vanity. In due time. however, an acceptance
came from the magazine. accompanied by check
for $40 and then that man began TO lord It over
the woman. Finally she got mad, and declared
that she could write better poetry than he with
one hand tied behind her, and to prove IT she in
dited a piece and sent It to The Century. Almost
at once she got back acceptance, accompanied
by a check for 500 and she is making life
such burden for her ten-dollar husband that he
doesn't know what to do"
cn%se the papers published the facts? You Know
you did have seven hold-ups in your town. one
Tacoma Man-Thats all right don't care for
that. What I'm kicking about Is the lying state
ment that the robbers only got 81 y altogether--
Chicago Tribune.
Professor William Il. Ripley says In The Popular
Science Monthly: Suppose two groups of one hun
Ired infants each--one Jewish. one OF average
American parentage (Massachusetis)-to be born on
the same day In spite OF all the disparity OF
social conditions in favor of the latter the chances
determined by statistical means are that one-half
of the Americans will die within forty years.
while the first half OF the Jews will not succumb
TO disease or accident before the expiration or
seventy-one years. The death rate Is really hut
little over half OF the average American popuia-
ton This holds good In infancy as In old age
I,ombroso has put II in another way: OF 1000 Jews
born 217 die before the age of seven years; while
43 Christans-more than twice as many-are
likely to die within the same period"
The Young sceptlc.-Mother Ceiling Willie the
fable OF the Lion and the MouseD-so you see
that strong people must never 90 harm 10 wea AK
little mouse run of.
Willie ION reflection)I don't believe lions Ike TO
eat mice anyway.-(Fliegende Batter
This story Is told to illustrate the pollteness OF
the citizens OF Dresden. stranger was one day
crossing the great bridge that spans the Ebe. and
asked a native to direct him TO certain church
which he wished TO find Really my dear sir"
said the Dresdener. bowling low. II greve greatly
TO say II but | cannot tell you" The stranger
passed on a little surprised at this vouble answer
to IA simple question He had proceeded but a
short distance when he heard hurried footsteps be-
hind him. and. turning around saw the same man
running to catch up with him. In moment his
pursuer was by his side. hts breath nearly gone
but enough left to say hurriedly: MY dear SIR
you asked me how you could ind the church. and
1t panied me TO have TO say that did not know.
Just I met my brother. but grevc to say
that he did not know. either"
why" asked the observant boarder ARE the
special Government reports OF England. France
and other countries called blue books. red books.
yelow books and the ke?" II think" replied
the cross-eyed boarder that tho idea is to give
color to the reports '-(Pituburg Chronicle