The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1899-10-18

Funny stories Told by W. j. Bryan.
Col William J. Bryan can never hope
/ 20 acquire fame as a humorist, says the
! New York World His character is too
| serious for humor. vel SIC can tell funny
/ story to illustrate a political point. Bur
I funny stories are not his forte. He tells
/ them well, out he viii not attempt to en-
| plastic them by using profane word or
a suggestive expression. He acknowledges
| that an oath will make a nit in some
! stories, but he absolutely refuses to en-
/ plOy oaJhs. No WOman's mind is purer
in that direction than william j. Bry
ans His lighter efforts are more in the
line of wit than humOr. His thrusts are
delivered suddenly and in epigrammatic
form when he says:
Il know we can whip the Filipinos. I
here affirm We can whip the Filipinos.
Spain had them almost whipped, after
| lighting 300 years. and then sold US the
option on the fight for 100000"
And again wren he says:
n according 10 the Republicans God
is IN the Philippine question why nor pro-
coed ia Gods way-love and peace? Cat
lingsun gospel never vet succeeded. The
man who receives it doesn't need Chris
tianizing and the man who escapes viii
always oppose it,"
Here are some of the stories he tells
when the income tax bin was up they
told me the rich Democrats would leave
the party if it was passed. l didn't think
So but l found ] did not know the rich
Democrats. ] then said the poor Repubi
cans vii be with us, but ! found ! did MOI
know the poor Republicans. If the poor
Republicans, when they saw the rich Dem
Ocrais coming over to their party, only
had the judgment OF the Irishman who
was driving q mule, ali wou have been
in buggy The mule stopped, looked
around "A him and began kicking. He
kicked the harness TO pieces and finally
put his hind legs over the dashboard. An
right. says Pat If you want 10 come in
why come in-but when yez do, III set
on 80
The Republican policy iu the Philip
piues reminds ne of the prayer of the Old
coiorcd man. Ii inusirat the difference
between being on Gods side and wanting
God on your side. He said when he prayed
10 God 10 send him a chicken he seldom
got one, but when he prayed God to send
him after a chicken he always got one
My friends, The Republicans are praying
God TO send them after chickens. They
have already set the Philippine rooster"
MARK Hanna said in an interview that
God was in the Philippine business. / don't
know whether he is or not, but before l be-
lieve prophets l want TO see their creden-
tldiS. 10y tHelf lIultS We Sudil KNOW
them says the Bible. Hanna has been a
successful prophet of McKinleyism. He
can tell The rolicy of the President with
out consulting him. But 1 assure you, my
friends, when God is in the Philippine
question he will choose another mouth
piece than Mark Hanna"
I've heard it said that President Nc
Kinley had no Philippine policy until he
made The Omaha trip. He resolved to feel
the pulse OF the people and gather public
sentiment from the rear of a railroad
train, If he had only consulted me l could
have told him how unreliable is public
sentiment gathered from the rear of a rail-
way train. 1 gathered some in SO my
self"
'"Ihe peoples attitude before The trusts
reminds me of the cOmposure of the man
who was starving. He finally got a loaf
of bread and was just preparing to eat
il when a dog ran off with il. The man
didn't get mad nor did he weep. He only
said: Thank God, I've got my appetite
left That is just what the people have
left"