The Kootenai herald. [volume] (Kootenai, Idaho) 1891-1904, 1899-06-17
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race value. '-BrOOklyn Lille.
Judge-The only way that you can
get out is through an alibi. Prisoner
Well, Judge, whar is de alley?
Bessie-"Jack's heart is in the right
place" Lena-"How do you know"
Bessie-"I have it."-Town Topics.
Father-"Tommy, stop pulling that
cats tail" Tommy-"Tm only hold.
Ing the tail; the cats pulling it."-Tit.
Bits.
Housewife-"How dare you ask me
to feed you againT Hobo-"That
ma'am, is a perfashnul secret"-De-
troit Journal.
Angry Soubrette-"I understand you
have been telling everybody my hair
Is not my own" Her Hated Rival
"It's falsey'-Life.
"Where does the boat called a
smack properly belongT 81 don't
know" "Why, on the face of the
waters. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Kings aughter-Mercy! Do you
allow that half-grown girl to read
lola and Ouida? The mother-I must
daily newspapers.
Mrs. Van Twiller (who mistakes DR..
Jovial for a physician)-And where do
you practice. doctor? The Rev. DR..
Jovial-Ah, madam, l do not practice;
] only preach.-Harlem Life.
Miss Fondart-"Jack, what do they
mean when they speak of a first-water
diamond?" Jack-"One that-um-er
--one fresh from the mine-never been
soaked you know. Weekly.
After a man has taken girl to the
alter as often as six times and called
upon her with chocolates in his pocket,
she begins to see a resemblance in him
to her favorite hero in a novel.-Atchi-
son Globe.
81 read to-day" said Mrs. Mcbride,
'of judge who recently granted TWEEN
ty divorces in one day." HE must be
one of those twenty-knot destroyers we
read about sometimes" added Mr.. Nc
Bride.-Life.
Jones-Dear me! You say you often
lay down the law to your wife. How
do you go about it? Bones-Why, all
you need is firmness! 1 usually so into
my study, lock the door, and do it over
the ransom."-Puck.
He-Why did you fail to recognize
me on the street to-day? She-I didn't
see you. He-That's strange. l saw
you twice. She-Oh, that probably ac-
counts for it. l never notice a man in
that condition.-Fibre and Fabric.
Cholly-Charmin widow, isn't shef
They say she is to marry again. Algy-
1 wouldn't want to be widows sec
ond husband. Cholly-Well, I'd rather
be a widows second husband than her
first husband, OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
Eyes, Stubs was goin' into a decline,
an the doctor said tn best thing for
him was to get an easy government job
and lie around doing nothing" "a sine
cure, eh?' II don't know what kind o.
cure you call it, but anyhow he's
cured"
1.-THE trouble with him." said the
young man who had been trying to
fittingly describe an acquaintance, 'is
that when he dipped into the sea Of
knowledge he thought he brought up
SO much that the blamed thing went
dry."-Chicago Post
Mrs. Tilford-"It must have taken
Daniel Webster a long time to com
pile the dictionary; don't you think
soY Tilford-"Daniel? You mean
Noah, don't your Mrs. Tilford-
snow, don't be silly. Noah built the
ark."-Brooklyn Life.
Curran, the Irish advocate, was ex
aiming a witness once, and, failing t
get a direct answer, said: "There is NJ
use in asking you questions, for l SET
the villain in your face" do you, sirT
said the man. "Faix, never knew be
fore that my face was a looking-gl glass
Mr.. Younghusband-T is no u.s.
talking; 1 won't eat any more of you
cooking. Mrs. Younghusband (tearful
ly)-And -you-said-you wer,
willing to-die-die for me! But, mad
anne, there are worse things thai
death "-Sydney Town and Countr.
Journal.
Mrs. Proudfoot-"Yes, Mrs. Mala
prop, that's an heirloom. It's been il
Mr.. Proudfoots family over a hun
dred years" Mrs. Malaprop-"Do tell
I've been naggin' at John Henry to ge
an heirloom ever since we moved t.
the city, but he can't find any, excep
secondhand ones, and l won't hav
them."-Jewelers' Weekly.
A.