The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-12-17
bdppy Fits Il busting Wits.
WHERE INVENTION WILL FAIL.
Phonotypevriter WIN mako Busi-

rhonotypeWrater Will Make Bust.
ness MANS Letter Too Literal.
Have you read about that new arrange
ment called the phonotypewriter?' asked
the business man Of Miss Blank, his pri-
vate secretary. ITS something to do away
with you women in the business world"
he went on. IT'S very simple. Strange
nobody ever thought Of 1t before. You
just sit and talk into q receiver like the
photograph, and the typewriter writes your
letter. 6imple-simplest thing ever Offer
ed for patent / shall order one just a.
soon as 1t IL on the market.
I'm sorry for you girls who are here
In the great world all alone. fighting along.
bur you must get married-you must get
married. believe the phonotypewriter
Will do more than revolutionize the present
conditions Of the business world. It Will
restore. women to their proper sphere
whats this?' the business man ex.
claimed. later in the day. as he picked up
q letter on his desk
70" said the private secretary. II
thought that as you intended to do away
with my services as soon az the phonotype-
writer was patented you would like me to
begin to do some work like that which 1t
viii probably turn out 80 you could be used
to Its arrangement.
The letter had been dictated soon after
the conversation about the wonderful new
invention and read:
''Mr. William Jones--no his name isn't
William, It's James. Mr.. James Jones.
Have you got that? You must work
quicker. Well. Mr.. James Jones-no.
William. Did I say William or James?
James? o, yes. You have his address.
No? Well, you'll find it in the directory.
Look under J-Jones. you know. It's
somewhere down town. Wouldn't won
der IL he was in Wall street. Always
did like Wall street. Where was I? Mr..
Walter Observation-Disclosures Dear Sir.
No, just make 1t Sir / don't want to
be too familiar with man like Jones.
Nice fellow. but rather-O! you know
what mean. You've got that. STRIP
Yours Of the 26th proximo just received.
Now be sure and begin with capital.
You must be careful of your capitals. II
there is one thing am almost cranky
about it's my spelling and punctuation
and diction. Diction. yes. I'm great on
diction. Did / say proximo? You know
I meant ultimo. You mustn't wait for
me to tell you these little things. Now,
new paragraph.
I'm regard to that little affair-ur-ur-
that business deal to which we spoke
of which we spoke-I would suggest that
you visit the proper authorities-no,
scratch that out. I would suggest that
you call and confer with the authorities
with whom wei mean I-have had some
correspondence; spell correspondence
with one r. I had young man once
who always insisted upon spelling II with
two. Another paragraph.
II should not be at all surprised II you
found everything satisfactory in such a
case, for everything is pretty sure to be
satisfactory when-everything Is pretty
sure to be satisfactory when--when.
What did say? o, yes, when 1t Is salts
factory. No, cross all that last para
graph out. I don't believe In writing
long letter when short one will do.
I'm like Pascal In that. Believe it's
harder to write a short one than a long
one. That'll do. Yours respectfully
no. yours truly, that'll do"
Then the business man changed his
mind about the value of the new inven-
tion.-New York Herald.