The Winslow mail., 1899-05-27

-'-A s--S-t

that no gentleman VIII split nickel
in ordering his dinner.
Mac-That's right. Besides, four
cents worth of quail wouldn't go very
far.
Barney-Am I to understand that
both Of you are entirely bankrupt?
Jim-We have i cents between US.
Mac-My colleague is most consid~
crate. The fact is that he has the II.
Barney-Then we have total CT 90
cents. That might DO if there were
only two of US.
Mac-Oh, don't mind me! Go on and
stuff yourselves. vi stay here and
perish.
JIM give fair warning that 1 am
in no condition to be satisfied with
repast costing six and two-third cents
Besides, just imagine three gentlemen
of our standing going into a restaurant
and ordering, in the aggregate, 20 cents
| worth of food-say, sandwich, two
| pieces of pie and 4 cup CT coffee How
| could you divide that up among three?
Mac-I speak for the sandwich and
coffee.
| Jim-Unfortunately, we left the
| Alameda restaurant managed by Mrs
| Hopkins, four days ago because of the
! diminishing circumference of the buck
! wheat cakes. More unfortunate still,
we made meloGramatic exit and told
Mrs. Hopkins that we would never re-
| turn, hence it would be humiliating,
not to say injudicious, to approach Mrs.
| Hopkins at this time for the purpose of
obtaining credit. AS for the new place,
1 cannot believe that we have sufficient
standing after only four days Of patron
age. Gentlemen, "it is a condition
which confronts US and not a theory"
Barney-Hear! Heart
Jim-We must and shall eat!
Barney-Applause and shouts of
that's right"
Jim-In order that we may eat. we
must first get some ready money. /
take it that we cannot command credit
either individually or collectively.
Now, then, how to get the money? 1
will tell you. We must pawn some
thing.
Barney-Pawn the lounge.
Jim-The lounge is not cur property
ard we will be honest, even in our ex-
tremity. I have asked the question
"What shall we pawn?" and now | will
answer that question. We will pawn
Macs watch. All these in favor say
aye Aye!
Barrey-Ayc!
Jim-Those opposed will signify the
same by saying ''no."
Mac--No!
Jim-The "ayes" seem to have it
The ayes" have it. We will pawn
Macs watch. For how much?
Mac-Not too much. l want to see il
again some time.
Barney-Don't be afraid You won't
get very much on it,
Mac-It hasn't been running for q
week.
Jim-Well, wind it up and set ii and
then give it good hard shake just be.
fore you so into the place, so as 10
keep it going until you get the money.
Mac-Gentlemen. ! object to the ar
rangement. l am willing TO provide
the watch. but l would be deeply hurt
in my pride if l had to go into pawn
shop and conduct the negotiations
Barney will have to do that part of it,
Barney-Tm rather proud, too.
Jin-You will pocket that pride and
hypothecate the watch or you simply
do not eat. Wen go with you as far
as the door and look at the diamonds
in the window until you come out. You
can't expect Mae 10 provide the watch
and do all the work. too. He has the
only watch which would be accepted d
by discriminating pawnbroker, and
when he gives up that watch in order
to bring the greatest good to the great
est number, what more could you ex-
pect?
Barney-What'st the matter with your
going in with the watch?
Jim-I'm the one who invented this
scheme. Do not ask me to do both the
planning and the executing? Besides,
what are your objections to going into
a pawnshop? You haven't any repu-
tation to lose. You've been in town
only about three weeks. It's different
with Mac and me, We've been here a
year. During that time we've been
in society twice. Don't you see that
we're in a position to compromise our
selves? Is this your gratitude? We
take you in out of the street and give
YOU a folding lounge and borrow a
pillow for you, and then you, like the
snake warmed on the bosom of the
tender-hearted gentleman, would sink
your fangs into your benefactors! Is
this
Barney-Oh, shut up! I'll pawn the
watch.
So they put on their overcoats and
went forth into the winter twilight
Chicago Daily Record.
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