The Washington weekly post., 1899-10-10

not a DuHturuF mayor BLt We AApW
our gait. and any advice from the cor
oner's Office, especially when offered at
the muzzle Of a gun. Will be promptly
resented.
| About two weeks ago an Eastern man
named French arrived here 10 invest in
a silver mine. He didn't care what sort
( Of mine IL was so long as he could get
out a prospectus, organize company
7 and float hts shares on the gulible pub
I lie. Some one sold him an acre OF land
on Bill Williams mountain, and Mr..
I French went UP there 10 make map Of
I IL. That was ten days ago. Yesterday.
as he didn't reappear, party vert in
I search OF him and found one Of his legs.
| The rest Of him had been eaten up by
| bear. We trust that he died happy, and
/ we also congratulate the public whom he
would have swindlcd.
News reached US yesterday OF the death
| Of Joe Rathbone formerly OF this town,
/ but living near Florence for the last year.
Joe was a good-hearted man, but he lack
/ ed Judgment That lack of judgment
| brought about his demise. Mounted or
mule which could only do ten miles an
/ hour, he figured on keeping ahead Of
/ herd OF steers making AT least fifteen. As
an angel joe may have more sense in his
| head. we wish him well in his new oe-
! cUpatiOn.
Editor Jack Nixon, OF the Primrose
| Banner came TO town the other day 20
| pull our editorial nose for saying that lis
weekly was a dish-rag and that he was
| feckrabbit Editor Nixon had two guns,
] a tomahawk and a dog, but he was mis-
| taken ia himself. As he stood face to
face with Us his sand petered out, his
| knees knocked together. and he grew
white as snow. We took him by the ear
and led him back TO his mule and saw
him into the saddle, and we felt for him
as he rode away with tears in his eyes.
1t is more in sorrow than in triumph that
we -eiterate that Editor Joe Nixon is a
| jackrabbit.
As secretary of the vigilance committee
we can solve what our esteemed contem-
| porary calls the mysterious disappear
| ance of man named Dan Rudder. Mr..
| Rudder is headed for Utah. He is on foot
and making an average of three miles an
| hour. and he doesn't look back when he
stops TO rest. He left here because we
assured him that he would hang If he
didn't. Our ways were not his ways, and
after little thinking he decided to go.
There Is not the slightest mystery about
the case. He viii assuredly be hung in
| Utah before he is four weeks older, but
that is none of our lookout.
Acting under instructions from Wash
ington. we shall close the post-office at 10
| o'clock at night after this, and any one
| kicking on the door after that hour will
have to take his chances of what may
| out at all hours of the night, and on sew
eral occasions have been grossly insulted
by late callers. One kick on the door af-
| ter 10 o'clock will awaken US. Two kicks
will turn US out of bed. Three kicks viii
| cause the gun TO be poked out Of the win
dow, and a fourth kick followed by
threats of death If we don't open the door,
will start the shooting. If the intruder
cares TO have the bullets dug out Of him
/ he will find a doctor on the block below
! Ring the bell twice and wipe your feet on
| the mat.
| Col. Dawson, who lives on the Red
| Clay road. is a good-hearted man, but a
crank. He sent US in for publication a
/ few days ago a bitter attack on Judas
| Iscariot. We thought Judas had been
! pitched into quite enough during the last
! eighteen HuiAltU NtdASt anu AItltiOIt IF-
fused to publish the coloners article. He
at once stopped his paper and threatened
TO shoot us. We rode out to his home
yesterday and had ii out with him. That
| is. we drove him under cover, fired twen-
| ty-six bullets around his ears, and receiY-
ed his surrender and a new subscription
We have TO do this twice year, but We
! do ii eneerfully, and should be real sorry
| TO hear of the colonePS death.
We have always been proud Of the fine
shooting TO be found in this town, and 1t
| pleases us to know that most OF cur citi-
zens maintain their ambition in this di-
rection. AS test of the matter We put on
| plug hat the ether day and started down
/ Apache avenue. Before we had gone two
/ blocks the hat was cut off our head with
/ bullets, leaving only the rim on our hair.
| 1t was quick, neat work, and we heartily
| congratulate each one OF the twenty diff
ferent men who had crack at the hat
Either carry a gun or a club. If a gun,
| thHn know how TO use IL.
We have been requested by various To-
cal subscribers TO take up the weather re-
ports and make a feature of them again.
| We are always willing to do anything IN
/ TrdSOu 10 obilSts anu We dit ltddS 10
make any sacrifice 10 better The Kicker
but we shall have TO say no in this mat
! ter We ran the weather reports for a
year and never hit the weather but once,
/ and that was by accident. We find that a
good murder item gives far more general
satisfaction, and We decline 10 change
| back The fact is that no man with
/ pair OF rubber boots, gun. and bottle
| Of whisky need worry over the weather
/ It's bound TO hit him somewhere.
While we were on our way home from
| a card party the other night at midnight
some one opened fire on us on Anderson
street The wOuld-be assassin was hid
| den behind a big billboard, and he fired
| six shots at us from a distance of fifteen
| fett. Not bullet came within a foot of
US, and for this reason We believed that
| the skulker was our esteemed contempo-
rary- He never has and never will be able
/ 10 shoot for shucks. Every time he tries
| il he throws away good lead. He needn't
sit up nights TO get a pop at US. Wen
stand before him at thirty feet any day
at high noon and let him plunk away as
| long as he wants 10.
Mr. Jonas Dyer, Of Indiana. arrived in
mis- son Joseph, who hadn't been heard Of
for a year. In a couple OF hours. by the
| aid of our files and the cOroner's books,
he had Joseph located. We feel a Bit
| delicate over the case, as Joseph was
| hung for horse-stealing but the father
very justly observed that we were not 10
| blame in the matter. We drove him out
TO view the grave, gave him Josephs last
| words as near as We could recall them
and he left for home Tuesday in fairly
| good spirits. His theory was that the boy
1 took the horse in a nj OF absent-minded-
ness, and perhaps he is right
The Elevator Boy.
While the engineer Of a skyscraper is
| seldom seen or thought Of by the public.
he should work in accord with the e'eva-
| tor boy TO make things pleasant for the
! tenants our engineer started ont "a do