Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1899-12-14
some minutes later deep in the study
of botany.

or botany.
Three weeks afterwards Vincent
plunged into Morgan's room and found
him in an easy chair smoking. He
paced the room back and forth in a
state of nervous agitation till the oc-
cupant of the chair ordered:
Halt! Right about! Three PAGES to
the front! march,"
Vincent obeyed, cakewalking the
last order. Morgan then modestly
enquired:
What in Tophet's the matter?"
"Resuming his beat Fred remarked
disjointedly:
I'm the happiest man alive. Edith S
named the day. Didn't know life held
such treasure for me. Dang it, how
came to deserve her? Why, man, I'm
just beginning to live. All my past l
was like tree stump. I'm a man
now. Previous to meeting her I was a
a.
Jim (sotto voce)-"He's gone. Clean
gone" (aloud) "a tree stump. Wonder
full the transformation a little chit of
a girl can cause
Fred.-"You irreverant ruff1an. She's
an angel, pure and good. Can't see why
they forgot her Wings
Jim-"Neither can l. Well, you see
she's young and maybe they're just in
their pinfeather stage"
Predictions comparison. She's
not young. She's mentally, morally
and physically mature. She's not
young-giddy young"
Jim Changing his course to catch
the wind)-"No. Quite true. Positively
ancient. A regular fossil of the pre-
Adamite period. Hope she'll raise you
correctly
Fred.-"IdiOt. Its morally impossible
for you to grasp the magnitude of my
| joy. She's the dearest little woman
alive. In fact, the embodiment of
the three graces. The temple of all the
virtues
Jim (sotto voce)-" Symptoms of
mental alteration pronouncedly dis
tinct," (aloud) well, Vinny, if there's
anything in rule, she's safe. She's
marrying her opposite you know"
Vincent needless Of his skit, ran on,
"and she has revivifed me, simply
changed me from frigid to torrid.'
Strange this getting warmth
from an iceberg. Explain the phenom-
enon."
Fred.-Who's talking about ice
| bergs?"
Jim (sotto voce)-"Great snakes,
His memory's gone" (aloud) Nobody"
Fred.-"You're an idiot
Jim-"To be sure Go on"
Fred.-"And I'm supremacy happy.
It's simply eXtatic. Pm-I'm-Dang it,
can't find word to express it."
Jim (sotto voce-"O Lord" (aloud)
make one. Try transmogrifbandan
tilality"
Fred.-"Eh? What's that?"
Jim-'Don't know"
Fred.-"You're an irrepressible
idiot
Jim-"Quite so. Proceed"
Fred-"And, Jimmie, we want you to
act as best man at the-the-obseuuie
I-the-the show-the parade-the-
confound you, what are you laughing
at?"
Jim Choking with laughter)-"Not
! ing. irresponsible, you know"
Fred.-"Man, be serious want you
to stand by me in tFis-this scrape-
err meSs-er-ebmarr- shut your
mouth, you laughing hyena!"
Jim Cheating a tattoo with his heels
are all gone to fiddle strings. Sos
mine" (aloud) Certainly. In the face
of all odds. Think of the ambush,
man; it'll help you to an even KEEL
F'red.-'N Nonsense. I'm simply over
joyed But you can't understand it.
Say, how does the-the-you know
what we respond to-how does it
read?"
Jim-"Oh! the oath Of allegiance.
Well, in the rough, it's this: Know
all men by these presents, that this
woman is mine to have and to hold, for
better or worse, according to the law
and the prophets; as it was in the be-
ginning, is now and ever shall be,
world without end, so help me God.
Amen" And Jim smoked vehemently.
Fred.-"That's odd, but it seems to
| been to one of these affairs, so you
must stand by me. What follows the
swearing imp
Jim-"The usual shower of old shoes
and rice. AS best man I'll lead off
with a two-pound horse shoe, for luck
you know. It's custom, and they're not
so bad as Mausers"
Fred-"Would to heaven they were
only Mausers. Say she's the most
charming little woman between two
eternities. Don't see why she accepted
me-"
ably. Case OF fortune favoring fool"
(Aloud.) 20 there's no accounting for
tastes. Women are a conglomeration
of surprises; so this surprise isn't sur
prising.''
Fred.-"I suppose not. Anyway,
you'll take charge of the proceedings
and if l make a break, you'll set me
right, won't your
Jim (sotto voce)-"If he makes a
break, SOIL I-I'll break his neck. !"
(Aloud) Certainly. So far that's been
my lifes work with you, my boy. But
from what day will this den know you
no more forever"
Fred" Sunday. Gives us two days
for rehearsal" Then standing straight
as dart he said: Don't poke fun at
me. Do you remember once when you
were in need of-of-sympathy?"