Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1899-04-05

~
Bill-She said her face was her for.
tune. JILL Poor thing! Yonkers
Statesman.
"what is raised mostly in damp cli-
mates?" asked the teacher. "Um.
brellas," replied Johnny.-Tit-Bits.
"That man was an old fame Of
miner whats the story?" HE
fiared up one day and went outr'-
Bnzar.
"Was the banquet a success7" Il
guess so; the men all wore each others
overcoats off as souvenirs."-Detroit
Free Press.
"That dull Miss Wigs doesn't seem
to have particle of Imagination"
Eyes, she has; she thinks she can sing"
Chicago Record.
Ahna-" fhey say have fly, M9thef'a
mouth and nose" Hannah--"Weli, yodr
mother was lucky to get rid OF tliem."-
Yonkers Statesman. -.
Proud Mother-"oh. John. the, baby
can walk" Cruel Father-"Good, He
Gan walk the floor with himself at
night, ,then,"-.rit- Bits. a.,
r. "wife, what a lot of grammatical ct.
rors you make" what of It? Aren't
they rs good as those your mother used
to, make Chicago Record. ~ ,s
Miss Vassar-What Is the reason this
orangeade tastes so watery? Polite at.
acknowledgements we make 1t out OF
naval oranges, mlss.-Judge. ~
Dentist see that shall have to kill
the nerve. Patient-For heavens sake.
don't. 1t would ruin me in business.
I'm life insurance agent.-Tid-B Bits.
Mrs. G.-"Why, you screamed the
minute the dentist touched your tooth.
I thought you said you lad 80 much
nerve" Mr.. CO did, hang 1t! That's
what hurt. "-Phila delphia Bulletin.
Browne-"There is no time in life
when woman doesn't get In more talk
than man." Towne-"Oh. yes there is"
Browne-"Td like to know when"
Towne-"During the marriage cere-
mony."
"Are you much rushed now, Foozerf'
Rushed? II I were to die tonight my
employer would expect me to come
down town tomorrow. and work until
the hour set for the funeral."-Cleve.
land Record.
Tommy-What's an heirloom, auntie1
His Old Maid Aunt-Oh, that's jewel
or something that's been in the family
years and years. Tommy-Auntie, 10
your engagement ring an heirloom7-
jewelers. Weekly.
Sunday School Teacher-There is but
one thing In the world, children. that
we can put our faith and reliance in
confidently. Do any Of you know what
is is? George Babibruther-Yes'm:
safety-pins.-Judge.
A Natural Deduction: Hixon-Are
you engaged in the same business you
were last year? Dixon-Yes. and Mt the
old stand still. Hixon-At the old stand
still! Why don't you advertise and stir
things up llttle?-Chicago News.
The World Against Him: Despond-
ent Tremlow (mournfully)-Well, by
gosh! This is the irony of fate for
keeps. Here I've spent me last 80 cents
ter commit suicide with gas. an git
room with 'lectric lights.-Judge.
Disguised: What makes you think
you were defeated by fraud?" 81 paid
for 163 votes in the second precinct,
and the books show that got total Of
only 155 there. Our election system ia
simply rotten."-Cleveland Leader.
He felt that she had encouraged him,
and when she refused him he indig-
nantly inquired IL she didn't think she
had played him very mean trick. mot
at all," she answered cheerily; "only
little slight-of-hand."-Detr Free
Press.
"If you do not marry me shall hang
myself" exclaimed love-lorn young
man. "Well, II you do, please go little
way down the street." was the young
lady's cheerful response, "for heard
papa say he didn't want you hanging
about here."-Tid-Bits.
Father" confessed the callow youth,
ri have married her; we are two souls
with but a single thought" "Well,
you've gained something. A single
thought isn't SO many, but 1t Is one
more than l ever knew you to have be.
e."-Detroit Free Press.
"Minnie," said mother to her
naughty three year-old daughter, "what
Is the reason you and little brother
Harry can't get along without quarrel
ing?" II don't know" was tho reply,
"unless It's because take after you
and Harry takes after papa"
Magazine Editor Coming in in the
morning, to Office boy)-Anyone wait.
ing? Office Boy-Yes, sir; four admirals
In your Office, and six brigadier gener-
ais In Mr.. Burjoice's room, and some
more military gentlemen outside, sir. I
kept 'em separate, as you said, sir
Life.
Peddlcr-"Wouldn't you like some
notices for your house, mum? It's
very cheering to husband to see a nice
motto on the wall when he comes
home" Mrs. Dagg-"You might sell
me one If you've got one that says,
Better late than never New York
Weekly.
At school inspection some Of the
boys found difficulty in the correct
placing of the letters 81" and "e" in
such words as "believe," receive" ETC.,
when the inspector said. blandly: my
boys, l will give you an infalllble rule,
one Invariably use myself" The
pupils were all attention, and even the
master pricked up his ears. The in.
spector continued: at is simply this:
Write the Il and e. exactly Mike and
put the dot In the middle over them"
Evading the Law.
The London Telegraph tells story Of
collier who amused himself with flv-
ing pigeons. He had occasion to 20 to
town recently, and took with him a
yxtu I tv1 T.