The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-07-30
FREAKY DOINGs OFF MATTRESS.
Seemed to he Alive and Finally SCARED to
the Ceiling.

age. sald the tobaccO drummer got onto
in Blankville. Ala. when was there about six
weeks ago., Blankville's a pretty fair town.
with gas works. telephone. a mule car line and
a few other evidences OF civilization. including
two good customers that always buy my goods.
There Is a fellow living at tho tavern where
always put IN who has money enough to keep
him from work and give him time to be cranky
in And he is a crank, and superstitious
any darky that ever lived. BY Zucks. he
wouldn't go past a graveyard at night for
$40. He got a notion along in the spring
that the bed he was sleeping on had
something to do with a pain he thought
he had. so he sent off up to Nashville to
somebody there to order him one OF these
air mattresses that you blow IN with pump
like you do bicycle tire. 1t came all right.
and he put 1t into commission at once. and
liked it SO well that he talked pneumatic mat
tress till he wore all the nap off Of the patience
of the gang that loafed around the tavern. and
they concluded to watch their chances and
cure him Of the habit. When l got in on Sat
urday night to lay over Sunday. for the tavern
is a crackajack. the clerk gave me a room next
to Crankys and told me that some Of the boys
would. probably drop in me during the
evening and tell me a little joke they were
cooking up for my next-door neighoor.
Il wasn't enamored Of Cranky any more
than the rest Of them were. and fastened to
place my apartment and myself at the disposal
of the committee for anything that might
happen. Cranky had gone out OF town the day
before but would be back on the 10 O'Clock train
that night. and it was then the Joke was to be
sprung on him. At 8 O'Clock the committee.
consisting OF a deacon. livery stable keeper. a
local editor. the County Clerk and my best GUS
toner. filed in and we sat down to enjoy our
selves. and when the clerk sent up word that
the train had whistled. was ten dollars to the
good and the Deacon was strapped, while the
others were doing as well as could be ex
pected under the circumstances. but they
hadn't told me word about what the joke
was. All they said was that was not pdrticeps
criminiS. and could look on and find out for
myself AS soon as we got word OF the train
we concealed the evidences OF our crime. and
composed ourselves to the greatest quietude.
while we waited for Cranky to appear He was
there in twenty minutes. and when we heard
him come into his room. my place was dead
dark and stiller than store that doesn't ad-
vertise. There was door between the rooms
with transom over it arSA.e curtain on my
side. and this the Chairman Of the committee
had carefully showed to one side before we put
our light out. A table had also been showed up
to the door. and on this and a stepladder the
watch the proceedings in the next room.
u confess that l was as much in the dark
about What was going to happen ID as Cranky Gy
he didnt ali could see. N when cranky it the the
gas. was the usual appointments OF a sleeping
room. with bed in one corner very neatly
~ Git onto the bed whispered the deacon !;
it's that dern pneumonia mattress so full OF
wind that il hulges the cover up and looks like
But COMPENSATION was necessarily limited
and heard no more remarks, as I watched
Cranky getting ready for bed He got into a
fastened down so snug that he couldn't get It
off. and with muttered oblurgation on fool
chamnermad that would tnck the c9yer rt n
It half way across the room. 1t seemed to me
as il it had been tackled on, but didn't know
holt Of Kansas. We'll. when he got the TOP
place place in in i the bed or under it, couldn't tell
which. and the blamed mattress began to
ff thoaeht # aHfy was wo o%T
do thing but stand back and gaze at, it as if
wrcsted with itself for a minute a heavin' and
albumin and then it broke away from the
e oa n@ saket d sa S Re
minute. and then it gave shake like dog
9s NV fef esf It rose ssar o.
weight was gone the blamed thing Just rose in
I
eyes followed it in crazy kind Of a stare. and
when i struck the TOP with dull thud it
snI S let ha pgG out ID hnSe
over in the next county, He tore open his door
aud went down the ha and front stairs to the
and the Lord Enows what ,all. while his long.
white gown few through the air like semi
nary clothes ne on windy wash day.
:" / was nearly as badlyfcarod as Cranky was.
but the Deacon whispered to me that it was
! working ike missionary collection in flush
! Al
the hall toward the ONCE. the committee told
me to go down and take care OF the office end.
Skipped ss down the back stairs and TN shot Il
know whnt ever did become Of them, ! went
to the office, meeting hnli iull OF frightened i
kind of lingerie that Cranky wore, and headed
the procession to lind out what the dickens 1t
lamb. and said that Mr. C. had dashed out and
! down the street, and he tthc clerk had tcle:
| ne came that way. and he had sent night
| Waterman up to the other end OF town TO stop
hou 9et%rT hf gp' no @ b TTer roh1 or woS
| thing were in his room. and If the guests cared
| to 60 up and see they were welcome 70 do so,
iorn hope and followed BY the heroes OF the
house. we marched up to Crnnky's room. Some
armed but told them bravcly that there was
| no danger and to come on. In we went. and
there, still sticking np against the ceiling, was
! CrankyS mattress. Just as had seen 1t when
the row began One or two faint hearts shod
| n little at the uncanny spectacle. but went NJ
| TO il boldly and. making grab for ono corner
| | hauled it down on the spot What was the
! matter with II had no idea. not being an eN-
pert in pncumatics. but know there was wind
| IN il. and II the wind was let ont 1t might hr
| less rantankerouS, so two or three ot us got
| hold and slowed her around and another man
| opened the valve
when he lid so tumbled to the situation
! and to the Joke all at once, for there came a
blast out, Of that valve as If the whole gas
works had exploded. and knew the gang had
| Just filled Crnnky'S mattress with gas apc
| made a balloon out Of il. 1t hadn't much HIT
| ing power, hut enough. and when Cranky re-
| leased its fasteningS il had simply tiOatcd on
! and NJ Just like any other balloon would do
! We hauled it over to the window whore the
| gas could escape into the open air and then we
went to LOOK for, Cranky. He was wreck
| when they found him, ana nobody knows
what would have happened to that committee
| when he got on his feet again, hut they had
! done their business 80 secretly and could stick
To lie so tight that in spite OF every effort tC
| apprehend the culprits and punish the crimi-
mails it was impossible to get even clue TO the
| perpetrators OF the outrage. Al least, hat Is
what one Of the local papers said. and the edi-
| tor ought to know what he was talk ing about
| A week ago got a letter from that customer a
| mine. saying that Cranky was about to give VI
| the pursuit and had donated the mattress e
| the y. NJ. G. A. gymnasium. So you see that II
-it,lt hail lrtu ,,ENl thaN