The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1899-06-16
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

Suuiff-"The cycle is superseling the
horse everywhere" Bif-"Yes; found
piece of pneanlatic tire in my sausage
this morning.-Nt- Bits.
Dick-"Do you enjoy Kipling?' Ma
bel-''Oh, l adore him. l have heard so
Bar Room Ballads w. Of Nj. Wrin-
kle.
"Bobbler's wedding was the culmina.
train" He did? Why doesn't he
sue the company indianapolis Jour
nal.
Customer tat Observation-Disclosures
steak is much smaller than the one had
yesterday
Wait.r"Yessir; come off smaller
hoN, sir."-'litB Bits.
Rrown-"lou can always tell young
man who is just ont of college,
Jones-"Thats just where you are
wrong. You cant tell him anything
Ohio State Journal.
In Bestonw.How much are these
strings beanS?' Seventy-fve cents 4
quart" Isn't that rather altitudinous?''
Yes, madam: but these are very high
strung beans. Yale Record.
The Professor Observation-Disclosures
sas the company is breaking up, missing
one of his ruhbers)-"Has any one OF
mistake :"-Fliegende Blaetter.
oh. mamma, I'm miserable. l know
that I'm not fully in Harold's confidence.
Did papa ever keep anything from yon,
mammal!
"Nothins-that is. nothing but money"
-Tit-RitS
Cassidy--"Oi don't see whoi Engiind,
or Ameriky. or Germany should t'ink av
foightin' over dom little ting loike Sa-
T. II.
hesorra. we're Il dom poor spicimin av an
OiriShman."-Puck.
Inspector-'I notice that in this photo
graph you are bald Homecoming
American Yes, my hair grew out " lille
| was Abroad lnspector-""Then l shall
have to charge you the special duty on
Eurupcan-gr vn hair. Life.
Ethel-"l saw Count Hardupski last
evening"
Cousin Tom-"Does he talk as broken
Ethel-"My. yes! heard him ask pa
to loan him $40 before he left. '-Har-
per'S Weekly.
Mrs. Gotrox (recently married)-"That
was Jack Young l was talking with. Ike
proposed to me last summer
Mr.. Gotrox tabout the age of her papa)
-"Inleed?"
Mrs Gutrox-"Yes: but the poor fellow
hasn't got a cent. PUCK.
\ matrimonial agency director in Kan
SaS complains that men are growing too
cNacting. They ask for ''hreadwinnerS,'
ii seems. but even these must be pretty.
They all want il sort of Hetty Green and
Venus de Milo combination, and that is
said to be a hard flush to ill in Kansas.
Il like this pattern we'll enough said
the customer. who had dropped in to look
ut some ribbons: but I'm afraid the col
nantly answered the patriotic shopman
red, white and blue? They never rum
Whereupon the woman bought forty
three yards.-Ex.
There's little expansionist living in
the upper section of this city whose
father is an officer in Gen. Otis army
She was recently taken out to dinner
father was replied: "Oh, he's away of
there, pointing to the east, fighting
the Philistines." -Philadelphia North
American.
II want to tell yo'. my dcah brethren,
said Deacon Johnsng to his flock at
prayer meeting. dat in desc days of
chainless bikes. hossless kerridges, an
ton of de culletl folkses am chickenless
coop:S. razzerless pahties, melonless
patches and crapless games. Does yo'
follow e?''-Bazar
Il see" said the visitor to the CONNER
rial company's office, that you have a
new rating i'll your new reference hook
Some men are marked U. S. S. "o'Yes, .
said the manager, money comes in 50
fast these days that we have run out of
ratings above AL We now indicate
those who are rich enough to go to the
United States Senate. PUCK.
Father i'll and can't work. Tut, tut!
That's very serious matter for all of
''1essir. hut it might have been wuss. y
Worse. Why, he's the breadwinner
isn't he?'
"YesSir. bnt it mis- ht have been moth.
er, and she's the rent an oil an tea an
clothes an sugar an milk an meat win
ner"-Pick- Me-Up.