Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1899-07-08
A New Name Proposed.

The crank is always busy, and the
prize crank of them all has just been
heard from in st. Louis. He is Profess
sor Waterhouse of Washington Uni
versity, and he is inspired with the
idea that our country needs a new
name. He says that the name THE
United States is awkward, and that
1t is not appropriate. He says that at
present there is no proper name that
distinctively describes our country, as
Columbia and America. apply to the
whole Western Hemisphere, and adds
that as the people of Canada and
Mexico, and of Central and South
America are all Americans they should
resent the pretension which claims
that title exclusively sfor the inhabi-
tants of America.H He rambles on as
follows:
The United States is an awkward
expression. 1t is plural in form and
singular in Sense. 1t does not afford
personal or adjective derivatives.
United Statesmen and United Statesian
are inadmissibly harsh. United States
of North America is an exact designa-
ton of this country. The first letters
of these words form the word 'USOna.'
This term is agreeable to the ear,
singular in number and precise in def
milton. Its Introduction would SubSti-
tute for the incomplete United States
an address so full and exact that no
foreigner could misunderstood it.
Formerly the press indicated that its
general information was gathered from
the four quarters of the globe by plac-
ing at the heads of its columns North,
East, West, South From the initials
of these words some assert that the
term news was derived. 1t is face
tiously said that United States stands
for Uncle Sam and this burlesque
personification has found a permanent
place in our language. The baptismal
names of Generals Grant and Jackson
have been supplanted by the universal
ly used names which accident or valor
gave. Physicists have invested the ut
terly inexpensive watt, volt, ohm and
ampere with technical meanings and
have introduced them into the ter
minOlogy of electrical science In fine
use can create and pOpularfZe new
terms. Do not the words 'Usona' and
TsOnian' so fully subserve the needs
of exact address and grammatical con-
venience as to deserve n place In our
language? The press can. if it will.
effect the adoption of these new
words"
The press will doubtless feel flattered
by the remark of Professor Water
house that it "can If it will effect the
adoption of these new words" The
press also can and will give a rebuke
to the fool scheme he proposes. 1t is
on a par with the recently advanced
idea of a new device for the flag, and
of course will not be considered seri-
ously by anybody. Speaking of awk-
ward and inappropriate names, the
worthy professor has field for opera
tions nearer home. Why not change
his own name from Waterhouse to
Waterbrain? And there is the desig-
nation of the institution which his
presence honors, Washington Univer-
sity. People might think that George
washington Iounueu OF owned IL, anu
the people of Washington, d. c., have
a right, according to his theory, to
object to its use. Why not call it
"Washity," using the first and last
portions of its present title. Here
after let this crank professor be more
consistent and sign himself, Professor
WATERMAN, Washity, st. Louis,
JTSOna"