The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1899-02-24
WILLIAMS MAILED FIST
He Staggers Under a Load of
Titles.
HE SMOKES CHEAP CIGARS
And Has a Disease of the Ear Which
Makes Him Restless and a Mar
tinet of Activity-A Little
Tin War Lord

His majesty imperial and royal Will
liam H., German emperor. king of Prus-
STA, margrave of Brandenburg and of
the two Lausitzes, landgrave of Hcsee
and of Thuringia, burgrave of Nurem-
berg, grand duke of Orange, duke of
is duchies, lord of Is provinces, count
of II earldoms, "a times betitled and
sole possessor of the mailed fist, at
tanned on the 9TH Of January, his
40th year.
Forty may be conveniently summar-
lied as the hour a. Which a man, who
is a man, comes of age. The kaiser is
very far from being a woman. As a
tow-headed child of s he gave 10 days
arrest to a sentinel WHO had neglected
to salute him. AS a school boy at Cas-
sci, where he was taught everything
which is easiest to forget, he learned
to play on the drum. AS a student at
Bonn he had the skin of a baby, a waist
that would fit in a garter. a moustache
that elongated into two blonde threads
and a perfect knowledge of kriegspiel.
AS a bridegroom. at half past six on the
morning succeeding his marriage to the
milk maid princess Of Slavig Holstein,
he treated the regiment which he com
manded to a drill. AS war lord ne
leaped erect on a throne and there, in
burning red cloak and a helmet that
illuminated hall, announced, to a mob
of SoVeregns, that he was a monarch
specially conceived, specially created,
specially ordained by the Almighty.
1t is worth noting that his grand
mother. Augusta. a lady whose charms.
&c oil -oiI ,f Nv, do
Stael. were not those of the person.
descended from a maniac. The late
shah when he passed through Berlin
looked her up and down, and. casually,
to the old kaiser, remarked: why
don't you hang hero But that is be-
side the issue. The point is that the
kaiser is afflicted with two distempers.
of which one, known as imperialisis, is
old as the hills, and the other cata-
logued as purulent otorrhoea, is quite
new. In addition there came to him
from the Hohenzollerns instincts
wholly martial, from the Guelphs ten
denotes really thrifty, the result being
a ihybrid in whom invariably there is
the martinez, frequently the crank, oc
casionally the theologian. always the
actor. and recently, the business man.
A tri1e over 10 years ago, when he
secured the titles already recited, his
first step of any importance was to
get in front of half million of uay-
onets. Coincldentally he declared that
those bayonets and he-or rather he
and those ayonets-were born for one
another, to have and to hold until death
did them part. The step and the speech
were tantamUunt to a call to quarters.
1t would be dramatic to say that the
circumadjacent territories trembed,
but it is exact to assert that there was
war scare at once.
That scare by no means diminished
when; a little later, he showed Bis
marck the door. 1t was a very fine
door, all of forged metal. the largest
in Europe and we'll worth being shown.
The circumadjacent territories. how
ever, did not look at it in that way.
Nor, parenthetically, did Bismarck
" Though the door was fine, behind it
was something tiner-a New Yorker,
Mary Lee, who, after marrying and
buryingsa SlefsVig-Holstein prince. had
become the wife of Count Waldersee.
The latter was the emperor's aid de-
camp. The lady herself was. by reason
of her marriage. an aunt of the en-
press. The emperor and the count We're
chums The empress and the countess
were connections. AS result close
communion. At the time. the foremost
man in Germany was Bismarck. Said
the countess to the kaiser: Why not
be foremost yOurSelf?' In view of the
fact that had it not been for the doses
of blood and iron which the old chan
cellor handed around. the kaiser would
have been plain though not indeed
simple king, the bagatelles of the door
then exhibited were not perhaps suffi-
GENTLY observed. But that as it may,
thereupon, throughout the circumadja-
cent territories iT taken fpr or nj
ed that future dosing would be admin
istered by the mailed fist.
1t was years ago that this occurred
Since then the bayonets have slistenel
the emetics have been ready but the
scare has convoluted into false alarm.
THE empire means peace" said Ma
poleon H., who was unable to live up to
the promise.
Those who oppose me I will smash"
said the kaiser, who thus far, has fail
ed to live down to the threat.
This is regretable. We are not par
tisans of war but seen through tie
morning papers fight over there is a
tolerably emotional sight. That Will
liam has neglected to provide. BY way
of compensation he has added to the
humor of the press. to the gayety of
nations and made himself the most
talked of man in the world Jus, at
present he is coming of age. In the
circumstances it is a mere duty to run
over his budget.
To his credit, or, it may be, to his
debit, unless indeed the item belongs to
both, is an activity so renlOrselass that
Immediately after his succession he
made. unlimited. state call on the
tsar. Then followed a series of junk
cts to this court and to that from one
of which, rather than meet him, the
prince of Wales turned tail and ran.
Later occurred the visit to Leo Kill
during which, in the uniform of CUR