Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1899-10-07

/ planned.
"Why Rollins, you have skipped the
antiquary over In the corner, go and
! give her good one
Sure enough, there she was, as an-
eient and demure as ever, with lips
puckered and poutcd In the regulation
way, with eyes half closed and a
countehanee the very image of expect.
alton and hope deferred. But the
worst was yet to come. thought Of
my friends advice and determined to
give her a good one, but on closer ac-
! quaintance L discovered that the crea-
ture was dreadfully snuffy and / re-
turned to my seat blowing my nose
and otherwise In great distress.
II then noticed that Tomkins and
two or three of the young Beers were
laughing heartily. but of course it was
about some little joke of their own.
1T was now very evident to Inc that
] was expected TO furnish the enter
tainment for the evening.
81 was the guest Of honor.
II was the traveller.
81 was the fountain of news, and
this was the way the old Dutchman
| pumped me, Tomkins acting as inter-
| prefer:
"Question-Doe he know the devil
made the English?
Answed-Ycs.
"Q.-Give him another quart of cof-
fee, girls. He's intelligent. D-n the
English. Does he know why the sun
rolls round the earth?
"A.--Yes, because the English say it
doesn't.
"Q.-Right again. D--n the Eng
lish. Girls, give him more coffee. Now,
sir, does he know why it is impossi-
BILE for thin girl to be pretty?
"A.-Yes; because all Dutch girls
are fat"
"Q.-Good again. Come nearer, old
sister (this TO the snuffy one); here's
a likely husband for you! Now let him
tell me if he can. Who was the first
man?
"A.-A Boer.
mo, sir, nearly, but not quite.
lie was Huguenot. lie came from
Holland. My fathers father knew
him we'll More coffee, girls; the man
is dry, d-n the English.
And so on for ali hour. You can
! imagine j was glad when Tomkins dis
covered that it was time to go home.
| The old man said he was charmed
with my intelligence, so we drank
some more coffee, sock hands, kissed
all over again, and departed.
81 like Tomkins. He is straightfor-
ward and truthful and besides he can
| tell n pretty rood story
THAT nikht he gave me specimen
as we sat enjoying our square face and
smoking our pipes.
What do you think of that, Rol-
Inns? said he, handing me a bill of
some goods. read as follows:
! G. S. d.
Nests Old Plug Hats. 9
25 lbs. Old Corsets. s........
2 liris. Nightgowns ...... G
"'You see, these are Kaflir goods
the hats are for the old women, the
corscts for the old men and the night,
gowns for the young girls.
"These nightgowns are the inven-
tion of what they call the Mock mis-
sionary, who, with his wife, keeps a
Kaffir Girls school a mile or two north
of the gold fields. | might tell you
the whole story, but III afraid you'd
be shocked.
"'Oh go ahead said /, Il think
can stand anything after kissing what
you call the Antiquary twice without
fainting.'
"'Wcll,' said my friend, here is the
article itself and when you have eX-
amined it | will tell you its innocent
history From under the counter
Tomkins now pulled canvas bag for
all the world just like n very large
United States mail bag. On the top OF
it and right in the middle was a kind
of wire collar, and a light steeI
chain was run along from the upper
corners of the bag through a set OF
little rings. This chain passed round
the collar and was padlocked just at
the place where the collar button is
usually found.
"'You see,' said Tomkins, to put
the nightgown on the Kaffir girl YOU
simply unlock it, pull out the chain
and the top of the bag opens wide like
the jaws of q rat-trap. OF course
when you lock it up all that is visible
is the girls head.
But now for my story. Quite a
number of years ago old Hiram Brew
ster was missionary in good standing
and he conducted an orthodox bust.
ness in the same neighborhood where
his famous school is now located
Somehow the mission didn't pay eX.
| penses, and as Brewster either
couldn't or wouldn't account for it.
the home department discharged him
and abolished the mission.
| Just before this took place, how
ever, party of diggers made a raid
on the establishment and carried of
two or three Kaiiir girls. Now when
Brewster was out of work he thought
| il all over and came to the conclusion
that there was money in the raidine
| business.
'Thereupon he called meeting OF
the diggers. He agreed to furnish
them with brides at certain figure
and furthermore he guaranteed that
they should not be compelled to chase
them all over the hills and up the
! trees.
| LAS everybody knows, the KaffiI
! girls are nimble as kittens and the
diggers are clumsy as moles. Besides
the girls are savages and are never
willing to be married without strug'
gle or chase, although, like some OF
their white sisters, they may be crazy
! to be caught.
Brewster, knowing all about this
invented the nightgown, in which they
could struggle to their hearts content
and yet not cover much ground. Above
all things, the Brewsters were relig'
ious. They recognized the fact that il
was not good for man to be alone, OIL
woman, either, for that matter, if they
that is, the Bhwesters-could ar
range it otherwise. They believed in
marriage, however, and marriage fees