The record-union., 1899-07-15

I
you in hell, where you can't take up
collection. ."-Pittsburg News.
The Lightning Rod Dispenser.
If the weary crowd is willing, I've a little
word TO say
OF a lightning-rod dispenser that dropped
down on me one day;
With poem in his motions. with a SER
mon in his mien,
With hands as white as lilies. and face
~ uncommon clean,
NO wrinkle had his veStmentS and his
? linen glistened white,
And his new-cOnStructed necktie was an
interesting sight;
made red that white-skinned throat.
And the new-constructed necktie hao
composed hangman's knot
Ere he brought his Sleek-trimmed carcass
for my women folks to see
And his rip-saw tongue, a-buzzin for to
gouge cash in me.
But i couldn't help but like him, as
= always think 1 must,
The gold of my own doctrine in fellow
When / fired my own opinions at this
person, round by round,
They drew an answering volley Of a very
1 touched him on religion, and the hopes
my heart had KNOWN;
He said he'd had experiences quite SINH
I told him of the doubtin's that made
dark my early years;
He had laid awake till morning with that
same old breed of fears;
told him of the rough path hoped to
heaven to go,
He was on that ladder. only just round
below.
told him of my visions, of the sinful
He had seen the self same picters, tho
not quite so clear and plain;
Our politics was different, at first he
CALLED and WINGED,
But L arg'ed him so able, he was very
soon convinced.
And, twas getting toward the middle of
hungry summer day,
There was dinner on the table, and I
asked him would he stay?
And he sat down among US. everlasting
And asked short crisp, blessing, almost
good enough to eat;
Then he fired upon the mereieS of our
Great Eternal Friend,
And gave. the Lord Almighty a good
.nrst-class recommend;
And for full an hour we listened to this
y 7sugar-coated scamp,
Talking like a blessed angel-eating like
blasted tramp.
Ny wife, she liked the stranger, smiling
on him warm and sweet,
Ut always fatters women when their
guests are on the eaD,
And he hinted that some ladies never
lose their early. charms,
And kissed her latest baby and received
1t in his arms.
Ny sons and daughters liked him, for he
had progressive views,
And chewed the quill of fancy, and gave
down the latest news;
And | couldn't help but like him, as
fear l always must,
The gold of my own doctrine, in a fellow
heap of dust.
he was Vas spreading st oii; desoiatien through
When he paused and looked upon US with
- tear in his 6ff-ey
And said, 0, happy family. Your bless
ings make me sad:
You call to mindsthose dear ones that in
happier days had3
wife as sweet as this one: a babe as
bright and fair;
little girl with ringlets, like that one
over there;
with love were dim!
COD took them to His own heart and now
l worship Him.
But had not neglected the means with
Then they G might still be living, and low
One Mi night e thsre hhSuAy: came anngg4a 4 TEMPEST the
thunder peals were dire;
shootns shbd Bolts OF above us
In my own house, l, lying, was thinking
to my blame,
How little I had guarded against those
When crash! through roof and ceiling the
deadly lightning cleft,
And killed my wife and children, and only
l was left.
Since that dread time I've wandered, and
naught for life have cared,
Save to save others loved ones, whose
lives have yet been spared;
Since then. 1t is my mission, where'er by
To sell to virtuous people good lightning
rodS-at cost.
clothe your buildings DER,
Twill cost you fifty dollars (perhaps a
What little else it comes to at lowest
Uou sign Signing g this this agreement to pay so
much per fooD.
I signed it. while my family all approving
stood about,
And dr. dropped tear upon it Cbut it didn't
That very, day with wagons came some
men, both great and small;
They climbed upon my buildings just as
If they owned 'em all
They hacked ''em and they hewed 'em,
much against my loud desire,
they bound 'em down with wires;
END aHa they trimmed i'm led and and wwiirresdd wiirsd 'sm s%
And every precious minute kept a-run-
ming up the bill.
l
My soft spoke guest a-seeking.s did rave
and rush and run;
He was supping with a neighbor, Just
a-three mile further on
DO you think fiercely shouted, "that
I want q mile O. wire,
To save each separate hay-cocsk out of
heavens consuming fire? :
Do you think to keep my biuldins safe
from some uncertain harm,
I'm going to deed you over all the bal
ance of my farm"
He looked up quite astonished, with a
face devoid of guile,
And he pointed to the contract with a
reaSsuring smile
1t was the first occasion that he dis
agreed with me-
But he held me to that paper with a
frmneSS sad to see;
And for that thunder story ere the rascal.
paid two hundred dollars, if 1 paid a
single cent.
And If any lightning rodder wants din
ner dialogue
With the restaurant department of an
enterprising dog,
Let him set his mill a-runnin' Just inside
80 my outside gate,
And I'll bet two hundred dollars that
he won't have long to wait.
One Woman's Wisdom