davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-04-01
HUMOROUS.

"That is your idea Of a humorist?-
"A real hunorist is a man who gets
mad when he hears 4 pun."0Chicago
Daily Record.
"A paper bag'trust has just been or
ganized." at ought to be easy to
knock the bottom out of that-"-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Miss Beautigirl-"Doesn't a mans
second love usually differ from mis- first
love?" Aunt Broadhead-"Yes, she
generally has more money."-Puck.
Mr.. Gaswell-"Pittsburgh is 10 have
filtered water. | see" Mr.. Dukane-
I'VE should also have filtered air.
Pittsburgh Chronicle-Teiegrapk.
Il hear that you assisted 1T the post
mortem examination of your old en-
envy" said Gaswell to Il surgeon of his
acquaintance. "Yes; l cut him dead"
Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph.
y Boys Way.-"Nothing like plenty
of sleep to make n boy happy and
healthy" said the visitor. 81 git too
much at night" said the little boy, but
not enough in the neutrality-suspicious.
natl Enquirer.
Age of Discretion.-A young man
may be said to have reached the years
of discretion when he takes down the
pictures of actresses from his mantel
and puts NJ a portrait of his rich maid
en- aunt instead.-Somerville Journal.
Her Father-'So you van to marry
my daughter. Ell? Well. how are you
making out in life? Do you think you
can hold Your OWN" Suitor-'Iou
should have seen me with her in the
parlor most any night this month past,
sir."-Philadelphia Record.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-04-01

AOAAs ~
with an old black shawl. had passed
her or its way to the village burying
ground.
ANOTHER pauper's funeral" Mrs.
Whitaker murmureG. looking over her
shoulder, as she drovcOn pastthe town
farm.
AGAIN Anne Whitaker's lips curled.
cid men and funerals right next
door" and this time she struck the
sI0u-moving pony a gentle blow with
her equally s~iow-moying whip.
Now Mrs. Anne Whitaker was not a
hard-hearted III She was only
an indignant land owner who found
her handsome farmhouse almost ruined
for residential and property purposes
by It's proximity tOthe poor farm. This
farm. adjoining Mrs. Whitaker's, had
been left to the town last year.
It's not that | don't want the pau
pers to be comfortable" said Mrs.
Whitaker, as the pony trotted up the
driveway toward the barn; but must
say l don't care to have them right I'M
der my nose
Mrs. Whitaker. NOT finding her man
about, embarrassed the pony and led
him into the stall and then went in
doors to duscuss with Hannah, the only
other occupant Of the big house, the
disadvantages of the locality
Meantime in the poorhOuse. next
door. a little child vas sobbing her
heart Guti in an upper room.
You hadn't oughter have taken her
away before her mother died, if she
did make a fuss" said the daughter OF
the woman who looked after the poor
farm, I'm agoin' up to see her
She went up two flights OF stairs to
the garrett room where a child was
seated on an old box in the corner. The
child stopped crying, half frightened as
she entered. The girl sat down on a
trunk opposite
Look here, Ruth, you mustn't cry
any longer" commanded the matron $
daughter.
Il want my mother" sobbed the
| child. with new courage.
The girl hesitated a moment. well,
YOU can't have your mother" she an
| swered at last, frankly, shes dead,
and gone to Heaven"
ooh" said the child. slowly, you
didn't tell me. Mamma said she
thought she was going to die, but they
didn't tell me; they just carried me
/ away"
well. for gracious sakes!" cried the
| Girl; you took on so about her bein'
sick hat we had to. You amt goin' TO
cry any more, are you?" she added.
coaxingly. $50,
NO. | amt" answered the child,
grave!y.
There, that's a good girl" the ma
tron's daughter rose and gave the dark
| locks an affectionate rub. 81 knew you
wasn't goin' to be naughty"
The girl went downstairs and left
Ruth sitting very still upon the box
in the corner and thinking hard. with
her eyes fixed on 4 cobweb just across
the glr.e:.
MY mamma has died and gone to
Heaven" the child meditated, solemn
/ ". II told her if she went up to
| Heaven first. the next thing she knew
she'd look around and see me there. L
amt going to stay in this horrid place
without her. I'm going % die myself
and go and see her. right straight OIL.
I'll put on my best nightgown. and I'll
lie down in the bed and put some flow
ers at my head"-some kind person
had placed a bouquet by her mothers
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-04-01

B4dLiAtSS.
Ring out all strife and tears.
As downward through the ages
You've rung the passing years.
Ring clear, o bells. your message
Throughout all nature thrills;
It all things living touches,
AS when from JUCah's hills
There rose the light triumphant
Der death and mortal fears,
And dawned that first great Easter
The Easter OF the years.
Ring sweet. o bells. your lesson
Unto each heart to-day;
That all before the Master
May but life's lilies lay;
Ring soft-rinE low: your Ginning
May bridge some paSt-itS tears.
For those, perchance. who mourneth
Some Easter in the years.
Again, o bells of Easter,
Ring out in thrilling peal,
That we, through all our pulses
The newborn glory feel
Gods living, loving presence,
AS each new spring appears
In all that broathes around rs,
Throughout the march Of years.
Beatrice Harlowe, in WGmdn's Hom'
Companion.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-04-01
ST. James Pudding.

Orepuarter cup of butter. n cup
moiaSses. one cup milk, n teaspoonful
soda. one teaspoonful cinnamon, one
t~eaEpoonful mace. one t~easpoonful
cloves. Mix with wheat -four as thick
as auv cake. Steam three hours. Serve
hot with brandy sauce.-Housewifs,
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-04-01

Tattooed Imitation of Whislkers.
The Ainu women in Japan tattoo
their faces to give them the appearance
Of men with whiskers.-S. v World.
The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-04-01
rs WUITAK Z Z

RS. W l. X
drew up her little
brown and white
pony with an eX-
pres OF disgust
OF her face and
waited until the
wagon. with the
long b0x covered
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
The Four Greatest Poets.

Who are the four greatest poets of the
world? The question was one, we gather
from Sir Edward Hamilton's mono
graph, which used to exercise Mr.. Glad
stone. About the first three places in
deed he believed that there could be NO
reasonable question. They must be as
signed to Homer, Dante and Shakes
peare. But about the fourth place Mr..
Gladstone found geat difficulty. He
considered that there were four COM
petitors-Eschylus, Virgil, Milton and
Goethe. We wonder how many Of our
readers would at q first guess select Mr..
Gladstone's final choice? It was Goethe.
Who, in recent days, have been the
greatest masters of English? This was
another question which Mr.. Gladstone
was fond Of considering. He decided in
favor Of two as greater than all others
Cardinal Newman and Mr.. Ruskin. It
is interesting to recall the fact that Mr..
Morley, in lecture, answered the same
question. According TO him, the great
masters of English in our generation
have been three-Carlyle, Macaulay
and Mr.. Ruskin. The last named alone
appears, it will be seen, in both lists.-
London News.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

The Memphis Commercial-Ap-
peal declares that if "ws must say
that when it costs $145, 900, 900 per
annum thirty four years after the
war for the heart of this nation to
'throb with gratitude for the gal
lant sons who risked their lives in
its Defense We think that the
national gratitude has been worked
to the full limit. 1t would have
been much cheaper if the Union
had been lost"
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
Life,a Chanren

Wh.le in the drawing room coach on
his way home from Philadelphia not
long ago New Yorker found himself
face to face with woman whom he had
not seen for some time.
why, Mrs Blank" cried the New
Yorker, "how''-
AT the woman's reproachful glance
he stopped. "Not Mrs. Blank" she cor.
rected. 81 got my divorce from Mr.
Blank some time ago. I'm now Mrs
Dash. Let me present my husband, Mr.
Dash, whereupon man got up and
bowed.
"You-you don't mean itP' .gasped
the New Yorker. "I hadn't heard. You
and Mr.. Dash haven't been married
very long, have you?'
"Oh, NO, indeed" said the woman,
"about 40 minutes, think, 1" consult
ing her watch. "We're ON our wedding
trip now."
The New Yorker gasped again. Then,
"Bless you, my children" he cried and
fed to the smoking car.-New York
Sun.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

THE Vanderbilt interests are not
satisfied with owning one seat in
the senate that promised by Boss
Platt for Chauncey Depew; they
are out for another seat. The body
of Senator Morrill, of Vermont, who
died in Washington the past week,
and whose funeral was held in the
senate chamber Saturday, was
hardly cold before the wires were
being pulled to get DIR. Seward
Webb. who married one of the
Vanderbilt girls, and who acquired
a residence in Vermont several
years ago for the purpose of await
ing Senator Morrlll's death, ap-
pointed to succeed him. This
scheme will be watched with much
interest, particularly as it has been
boast of the Vermonters that the
state has never had a rich senator.
Perhaps the Vanderbilt who owns
Bltmore," in North Carolina,
also has an eye on the senate.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

An English critic has something d
interest 20 say about che poetry CIR our
epoch In the London Speokator. Among
other things he writes: Whether Ten
nyson, who threw back with almost the
clearness Of an echo the troubles and
aspirations Of his time, will ultimately
keep the place given him by his con-
temporaries lie somewhat doubtful. Set
ting aside his lyrics, many Of them oi
quite supreme quality, we find i'm the
general body Of his work too little per
haps Of that primitive force. that world
outlook. which alone enables verse to
sustain the siege Of time; bat, be this
as IL may, Tennyson has certain definite
and obvious qualities Of poetry which
can be appraised and valued. The same
remark applies to Swinburne. IN he
lives ultimately, it will be by lyrical
tempestuousness and sheer mastery over
words rather than by any interpreta-
tion of life, either contemporary or gen.
eral. Arnold has touched ON vital issues
Of his time with gentler and even
surer voice than Tennyson. but it must
be admitted that Re, too, lacks some
thing Of tprimitive force, and his range
is somewhat narrow for that of a great
singer
That Interpretation of life is the high
est test of the great poet is beyond dis
pute, but there may be doubt just what
Interpretation OF life and primitive
force" mean in this connection. II in
depreciation of life along the great lines
Of primitive and universal thought is
the test, there are only two or three
great poets of the English race. In such
test there would be exclusion of many
whose names the world will not let die
When we have named Shakespeare,
Dante. Goethe and Milton. it will be
difficult to find more of these universal
poets in modern ages. Rudyard Kipling
has shown his amazing grasp over GER
tain primitive and universal emotions.
but his range is go limited that he seems
to have no apprehension of an immense
range of sympathies of the highest i'm
portance in life. If Tennyson has proved
his organic hold on all the multiform
aspects of this age Of intellectual strug-
gle and aspiration and brings a sure
note of music from every key, it is as
much as to say that he is universal, fer
the universal must always define itself
in the particular. The particular in
each age, with all its vast aggregation
and clashing of forces, constitutes all
that there is in tho universal which
lies to our hands. No poet has been so
true to the truth in this as Tennyson
He is the voice of universal aspiration.
Of hope, Of tolerant and loving SYM
pathy. The opening stanza of ''I1 Me-
morian" sums up the man and his ideal:
I hold 1t one with him who sings
On one clear harp of many tones
That men may rise on stepping stones
OF their dead selves to higher things
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
VA snENnTON NOTES.


A throng Of notabilities visited
the President yesterday and ex-
tended New Years greetings.
Former Senator Blackburn says
that during the life Of the present
generation no President will be
elected to succeed himself.
a precedent in official etiquette
ut Washington was established
when the Diplomatic Corps called
upon the Vice President in a body,
thus recognizing him as second to
the President in off eial ceremony.
Administrations programme for
Congress includes the. enactment
of Nicaragua canal legislation,
the passage of the army and navy
bills; appropriation of $40, ,OOe, 600
to indemnify Spain and the ratiH-
cation Of the peace treaty.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

The recent election for school
directors in Muskogee shows that
the citizens have too much good
hard sense to allow politics to en-
ter into school matters. The edu
cation of our youth is too serious a
matter to allow the baneful infiu-
ence of political prejudice to shape
either the ways or means of best
schooling our children.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
The Eollies Of Fashion.

Not long ago play from the pen Of
an eminent dramatist was produced in
New York city the action of which
was supposed to take place in the early
sixties, and the management restored
the costumes then worn by our women,
which included the enormous balloon
hoopskirts and the chignons Of that
period. So absurd did these articles of
dress appear to the audience that dur
ing the first act of the play the laughter
Of the spectators threatened to ruin the
piece. Although there was no satire in
tended in the drama, it really became
the most bitter of all satires upon fash
ion, for here were the women of one
generation treating with the widest
ridicule the costumes Of a preceding
generation which their mothers had
worn and which were thought at the
time to be comely and proper. Nor was
there any reason to doubt that the next
generation would laugh itself into hys-
terics at the dresses which had assem-
b1ed in that theater to see the play.
Nothing like this incident has occurred
in our time to show how hollow and
uncertain a thing fashion is, and it
really gives some point to the French
witticism which declares that woman
on the stage no longer attracts attention
by the clothes she puts on. but only by
the clothes she takes off.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

NE
;rhs presshcs q any largs quantity
Of easily obtainable food Is always snfi.
rient to secure. the undivided attention
Of the shark tribe. When emitting ins'
whales at sea. have often been amazed
pt the Incredible numbers Of these Crea.
lures that gather in q short space Of
time. attracted by some mysterious
means from heaven only knows what
remote distances. It has often occurred
TO rs, when whaling In the neighbor-
hood Of New Zealand, to get q sperm
whale alongside without q sign Of q
shark below or bird above. Within
an hour frum the time Of our securing
the vast mass Of flesh to the ship the
whole area within at least an acre has
been alive with seething multitude Of
sharks, while from every quarter came
drifting silently an incalcuIabie host Of
SEA birds. converting the blue surface
Of the sea into the semblance of plain
OF new fallen snow.
The harpooners and officers from their
lofty position on the cutting stage slew
scores upon scores by simply dropping
their keen edged blubber spades upon
tine soft crowns of the struggling fish,
the only place where shark is wilmer
able to instant death. The weapon
sinks into the creatures brain, be gives
q convulsive writhe or two, releases his
hold and slowly sinks, followed in his
descent by a knot Of his immediate
Eeighbors, all anxious to provide him
with prompt sepulture within their
own yearning naws.-National Re-
viaw
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
Is Society Getting Tired2

A few representative society women
in Washington have come to the conoIu.
sion that the demands of fashionable
life are threatening their health. One oi
them, who appears to have added cour.
age to investigation, has found that the
women who do their whole social duty
in the national capital cannot get enough
sleep She says that late hours, late sup
pers and prolonged excitement not only
seriously invade the hours of necessary
rest. but impair the appetite and un-
string the nerves. Although this is no
new discovery and has. in fact. been
preached by medical men for at least
two centuries never before has the dis
covery and the protest come from soci-
ETY. itself. Heretofore the fashionable
woman has been quite willing to let her
stomach and her nerves pay the natural
penalty if she could reap the excitemens
by the way. That she is growing tired
Of it all ia very wholesome sign and
may be olsssed az one Of the results Of
woman's larger education and broader
physical freedom. She has learned TO
grow physically weary with pure ont
door exercise, and naturally enough that
units her for tho feveriah pleasures OF
late hours.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

"This is Mr.. Pneer. rs it not?"
Eyes, sir.''
"You have rented house fronting on
Mulberry square, I believer
az have"
"Well, my name is Ferguson. have
rented the house next to yours, and by
a queer mistake the man sent to clean
it up SO could move into it went to
the wrong place and cleaned up yours.
His bill, which settled, is quite mod
erate-only Sl.50-and ! thought that
II the work proved satisfactory on in
spection perhaps you would not object
to assuming the payment of that
amount"
Not at all, sir, but shall charge
you $3.50 for one days occupancy Of
my house. That. / think, makes MS even.
F'r."-Chioago Tribune.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
Killed by a Folding Bed

Springfield, ILL.,, Jan. S.-Mrs.
Lucretis Kent, q widow. met her
death IN a manner horrible In the
extreme. Her fate vas revealed
when friend entering the house
found her dead body. One hand
was pinioned inextricable under a
heavy folding bed. The body was
badly decomposed, showing that
death had occurred several days ago.
When found the woman's broken
hand was still clasped in the bed as in
blacksmith's wise. How the acci-
dent happened will never be known
definitely. The woman lived alone
in the house and that accounts for
tardy discovery of the body.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
THE Wichita Beacon say,

THE Wichita Beacon says: by
courtesy there are five great pow
ers- United States, England, Rus
sia, Germany and France. AS q
matter Of fact. the United States
and Russia are the real powers Of
earth. The United States controls
the Western continent, while Rus
sia has captured the East. IF En-
gland wants recognition she must
whip Russia.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
when the Tlme Can..

Maud-Oh, Ethel, and what did you
say to him when be proposed to you?
Did you say what you said you were 60
ing to the other day? That was a noble
speech, just suited to crush the boldest
man. And did he slink away like q
whipped dog?
Ethel-Well. not exactly. You see,
didn't say just that I-I-welI-er
-er-well, You see. said "yes. -
London Fun.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
La Grippe successfully Treated.

81 have just recovered from the
second attack of the la grippe this
year," says Mr., Jas. A. Jones; pub
Usher of the Leader, Mexia, Texas.
I'm the latter case / used Chamber
lain's Cough Remedy, and I think
with considerable success, only be-
ing in bed a little over two DAYS
against ten days for the former at
tack. The second attack / am salts
fed would have been equally as bad
as the first but for the use of this re-
medy as I had to go to bed in about
six hours after being struck with
it, while in the first case I was able
to attend to business about two days
before getting down." For sale by
City Drug Store and T. N. Coleman,
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

THREE blue jackets from the
Texas, at about 1890 yesterday,
rowed to the wreck of the Maine
and hoisted a large flag to the peak
of the wreck. The flag was salut-
ed by the ships in the harbor.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

The Indian Citizen of Atoka is
rejoicing over the fact that Atoka
may yet be a railroad center. There
are two roads. leading to that point
from the east and southeast and
from the best information they are
no pauper affairs, but have money
back of them.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

]. Fl. Gregg. of Dunkee, Kan,
writes: "My little daughter Who
has been troubled with Group ever
since she was three months old, +
never found any thing to relieve her
until ] tried BegRs' Cherry Cough
Syrup, and that has cured her en-
tirely. : think 4 ls the best cough
Syrup ON Che mnrket.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04
strange Mistake

North Side Mother-T told you a lit.
tie while ago. Jerry. who our first par.
ents were Let ne zee il you remem-
Der. Who was thu frat manf
Precocious Boy-Adam.
North Side Mother-That's right.
Who was the first womans
Precocious Boy Evil. - Chicago
Trihnna.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

THE Seminoles will soon begin
work on their national building at
Wewoka, which will be used as a
court house for the court to be
held there, as provided in the Sem
mole treaty. It will be "a first-class
building in its general appoint
ments.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

A SPECIAL to the Post-Dispatch
f,om Carlinville, ILL.,, says: The
tipple and top works of the Carlin-
vile coal shaft is on fire. Ninety
men are imprisoned under ground.
The fire department seems unable
to stop the flames.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

TALKING of heroes, the greatest
hero is the man who attends to his
own business and makes an honest
living for his family.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

GAINESVILLE thinks they will be
burning Southwest Texas coal next
winter. Not too quick, dear sister,
Ardmore may furnish you that
article.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

D. NJ. WISDOM. United States
Indian agent, has instructed the In
dian police and United States
deputy marshals to arrest any
hunting parties who take game out
of the territory.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

Husband lat the breakfast table,
Oh, for some Of the biscuits my mother
used 20 makei
Wife (sweetly)-I'm sorry you have
not got them, dear. They would be Just
about stale enough by this time 70 20
well with that remark. New York
World.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

Late to bed and early to rise, pre-
pares q man for his home in the
skies. But early to bed and Little
Early Riser, the pill that makes life
longer and better and wiser. City
Drug Store.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

Col. MABRY of Texas, now at
Havana, is critically i'll with pneu-
monia and meningitis, and his
chances of recovery are most un-
favorable.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

Soothing, healing, cleansing, De
/ Wits Witch Hazel salve is the i'm
placable enemy Of sores, burns and
wounds. It never fails to cure Piles.
You may rely upon it. City Drug
Store.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

AN official copy of the peace
treaty will be sent to the Senate
today accompanied by a formal
letter of transmittal.
The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-01-04

IT is said the ravages of grip
among statesmen may compel an
extra session of Congress because
important. measures will be held
mn.