Stikeen River journal., 1899-10-21
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"Witncss. did you ever see the pris. oner at the barY "Oh. yes, that's s where got acquainted with him.
 The summer-garden: Jaggles - "What have the theatrical managers done to elevate the stage" Waggles- "Moved 1t up to the roof. Judge.
 The novice-"Do you fnd 1t hard work, my boy?" The caddie-"Well, de hardest parts keepin' from laughin' when de guys miss de bali.'-Puck.
 Did that woman give any reason for attempting suicide?" "Yes. your hon. or" What was it!' "She says she wanted to kill herself. ."-Chicago Rec. ord.
 Browne-"Waiter, bring me dozen oysters on the half she'll" Waiter Sorry, sah, but we's all out of shell. fish, sah, 'ceptin' aigs." "-Rochester Union and Advertiser
 She (coquettishly)-"I read the other day, Cousin Charley, that marriage is declining" He dnspired)-"Oh, that's quite wrong. Marriage is--accepting. (Seizes the opportunity and proposes.) Punch.
 What are you signing for?" asked the Registry Department of the Dead Letter Office. "No one has so many rejected addresses as l." was the sor- rowful reply. - Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
 Minister-"My poor woman, you mus, be full of regre: for the awful crime you committed" Condemned murder. ess-"Yes; should have done it twen. ty years ago, when l was young and beautiful" ."-Judge.
 My husband.' said Mrs. Malaprop, "is just crazy over the opening of the fishing season. He can't think or talk of anything else" "Fond of the sport, Is he?" asked her friend. Well, should say so! He's regular Anglo maniac"
 Mrs. Jackson-"Speakin' ob your hus- ban, Mrs. Wimple. did he evah convey to you dat he done propose to me befo' he married you?' Mrs. Wimple- "'Deed he didn't He was so ashamed ob some ob de fings he did dat I nevah insisted upon a confession
 An exchange of shots: Mir. Wedd (sptefully)-"You look as if you had been rubbing your face all over the in side of q powderfactory." Mrs. Wedd (sweetly malicious)-"Perhaps I have love; but it is smokeless powder and doesn't smell like a Judge
 "Well. old man. guess better go home. My wife will raise holy row, even as 1t is" "Why don't you do d, do when you find you have stayed out too late!" What do you do?' "I just keep on staying out until know she is scared and will be overjoyed to see me-"
 "1n the spring a young mans fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love-" he said. She sighed and shook her head That's the trouble" she replied; they turn lightly instead of seriously" For she was girl who had been through several spring engagements.-Chic Post.
 "Tommy," said father to his pre- cocious 5-year-old son and heir. your mother tells me she gives you pennies to be good. Do you think that is right?' "Of course 1t is," replied Tommy: you certainly don't want me to grow up and be good for nothing, do Chicago News.
 A young hopeful sat in the window a long time the other night during a thunderstorm, and contemplated the scene with a wise look on his face Then he turned to his mother. and said Mamma, the angels are scratching matches on the sky" - Household Words.
 A different commodty: Mrs. Newly. wed-"I don't see why you are in such a hurry to get to work. mornings. You used to say that you could love me through all eternity" Mir. Newlywed- And so I can and will, dearest; but time on earth Is more valuable, you know."-Judge.
 MT. Courtney (latteringly)-T had the blues awfully when came here to- night, Miss Fisher, but they are all gone now. You are as good as medi cine" Miss Fishers little brother "Yes; father says she'll be drug ir the market if she doesn't catch on tC some fellow ."-Tit-Bits