The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-06-14
A KITCHEN MONOLOGUE.
Paul Laurence Dunbar De-
scribes Troubles in the
Kitchen.
Kitchen.
(The Washington Starr

(Ihe washington starr
The man of the house is about to
go into the dining room. when he hears
voices that tell him that his wife has
gone down TO give the hired help" d
threatened going over. He quietly
withdraws, closes the door noiselessly
behind him, and listens from a safe
point of vantage.
One voice is timid and hestitating
that is his wife. The other is fearless
ly raised: that is her majesty, the
queen who rules the kitchen, and from
it the rest of the house.
This is what he overhears:
well, Mis- Mat tin, hit do seem LAX
you Jes' bent an boun' to be a-finin'
fault wild me wen de Lawd knows is
dom de ve'y bes' kin. What bout de
brewfus'? De steak too done an de
Eaters amt done enough! Now, Mis-
Ma'tin, l les want to show you /
cooked dat steak an dem 'taters de
same lengt' O. time. Seems to me dey
ought to be done de same. Dat uz a
thick steak, an l jes' got hit Drowned
thoo nice. What mo- d you want?
"You didn't want 1t fried at all. Now,
Mis- Ma'tin, 'clah to goodness. VINO
evan hyeah de beat O. dat? Don't you
know dat fried meat is de bes' kin in
de worP? wy, de las family dat i
lived wid-dat uz oil Jedge Johnson
he said dat 1 beat anybody fryin' ne
evan seen; said / fried evahthing IN
sight, an he said my fried food stayed
by him longer than anything he evan
ct. Even wen he paid me of he SAID
it was case he thought somebody else
ought to have de benefit of my wun-
nerful powahs. Huh, ma'am, is used
to de bes'. De jedge paid me de nlBhes
kim O. comperments. De las thing ne
say to me was, 'Caline, Caline,' ne
say, 'yo' cookin' is a pa'dox. II is Grim
nal. dey amt no 'sputing dat, but 1t
amt action'b BILE. Co'se. ! didn't unnerstah
his langidge, but l knowed hit was com
perments, case his wife, MIS- Jedge
johnson, got right Jealous an told MN
to shet his mouf.
"Dah YOU goes. Now, who's "a Thought
dat a lady of yo' raisin' an unnerstah-
MIN would "a brung dat up. De mo mn
you come an ketch me settin' down an
de breakfus not ready, was a-steaay
in. Is a mighty han to steady, MIS-
Ma'tin. Deed I steadies mos all de
time. But dat mo'nin, l got to STEADY
in an aftah while I sot down an an
my troubles come to my min. sho' mas
a heap O. trouble. / jes' sot thaih a
steadyin' bout 'em an a-steadyin' tell
bime-bye, hyeah you comes. -,
mo, ma'am, 1 wasn't sleep.
mighty apt to nod wen rs a-thinkin'
It's a kin o. keepin' time 10 my lueesi
But bless yo' soul I wasn't sleep
shets nv eyes SOS to see to think bet
tah An aftah all, Mistah Ma TIN
wasn't mo- n halfin howah late DAT
mo'in' nohow, case wen dld GIT UP
sholy flew. Eff you jes' 'membahs bout
my steadyin' we amt nevah gwine nave
no trouble longs 1 stays hyeah.
You say dat one night l stayed OUT
tell l o'clock. W'y-oh, yes; Gay uA
Thursday night. wy la MIS- Ma an AZ
OATS de night my s'ciety meets, us
Af'Ame'ican Sons an Daughtahs OF
| Judah. We had to 'nitianate a new can ,
date dat night, an la. l wish youd a
been thaih, you'd "a killed 20
You neveh did see sich Gains on in
all vo' BON days. 1t was powful tunny;
| Broth Eph'am Davis, he's ouah mos
wusshipful rabbi he says hit w 90
nos s;cessful inflammation we evan had.
| Dat can'date paved de groun lax a
boss am tried to git outen de Winder;
| Rut got to be mighty keerful now !
talk: I do know whethah you long %
anv scent Societies er not. / wOuldn
heen so late even fu' dat, but Mlstan
HAN Smif. he gallanted me NOME az
Won know a lady bOun' to stan az ue
gate an talk to huh comp.ny niue
while Won know how II is. MIS- Ma TN
IT baen en'tainin' my comp'ny in de
! na'lor COse l has; you wasn't usln IL
what Won 'spose my frien's 'u'd think
| IF I'd ak 'em in de kitchen wen dey
wasn't no one in de front room lose
Az 'em in pa'lor. I do want my frlen
| no think is wo'kin' fu' no low-down
| people. wy. Miss Liza Harris ser uoN y
an played mos splendid on 20 planha'
an she compermented you mos nlsn
! 'Spose I'd "a tuck huh in de kltcheh'
| u.baib de comperments come inE
''Yass'm. yass'm, 1 does tex home 1T
flo things now an den, dat ! does, an
ain't gwine to ny it. ! jes' says 70
myself amt kin flu no straineIs
| lake de people mex do what goes ihtc
| tantrums eff de lady what COOKS III
'em ticks home bit O sugar 1--WE
n nvse'f 1 amt wo'kin' fu' no SIGN
! foilIs so sometimes ! ticks home Jes
a yveenchv bit O. somep'n dat nobody
| couIdn't want nohow, an ] knows you
amt gwine 'ject to dat. You do 'ject'
you do 'ject! Huh. -, 70
"Is got to come an ak you, has
Look a-hyeah, Mis- Ma'tin' l know
has to wok in yo' kitchen, ! Know mas
TO cook fu' YOU. but l want you 70
trnov- dat even ef 1 does rs a lady. Is
a lady. but l see you do know now 70
'nreciate a lady wen you meets one
Hveah. tex yo' ap'on, tex 20 ap on.
You kin jes' light in an git yo' own
dinner. I wouldn't wo'k fu' you 81
Won uz made O. gop. nevah ala lax
Ia wo'k flu STEAMERS. nohow'
NO. ma'au1, CANT even stay an
cit de- dinner. I know we'en l been
insuIted. Seems lax ef 1 stay in hyeah
another minute I'll bile all over dis
kitchen.
I amt excited rs mad. do lax
nobody pesterin' 'rOun. my kitchen, no
how, huh, uh, honey. Too many places
in dis town waitin flu Ca'line Mason.
mo. indeed, you needn't 'pologize 10
me: needn't 'pologize to me. blieve
in people sayin' jes' what dey mean l
"Would I stay eff you crease my
wages: Well could, but but l
do want no foolishness.
(Solus). HUH Did she think she
was gwine to come down hyeah an
skeer me, huh, uh? Whaih's dat fryin'
pan?'
The man Of the house hears the rus
tie of his wife's skirts as she beats a
retreat and he goes upstairs and into
the library whistling. See. the con-
quering hero comes"
Paul Laurence Dunbar.
81 thought" said the disappointed
friend. you told me this election was go