Stikeen River journal., 1899-02-18
Biddy's Trials Among the
Yankees.

O beautiful cOnvanyenceS to work Wld in their kitchins, morn iver the likes cud be found in the whole of ould lre- land, where we was usen to bake the brd an cook the petaties all in the same iron pot: an, shure, along wid so many bewildern' things, it wad be ix- picted that a girl wud make a mishtake sometimes. An is it the Aistern paple ye'd be afther praisin'? May the saints detind us. an it's mesilf that's lived among thim Yankeys till l was that sick O their haythanish way of shpakin' that I had to lave. What wud ye think, Ann Hooligan, of bein' axed the firsht day as ye lived at place if ye cud pail the k-e-o-w! for that's tho outlandish way thim paple has O
 sayin' COW. Of coorse it's not fur the likes O me to be braggin', but can pale petaties an apples wid the bisht O thim. But to take the palm off of a COW! Howly St. Patrick! did they take me for bootcher! Yersilf knows the wake shtomic of me, an how it goes aginst me to shkin avin a bird or tOorkey; an, begorra. cud it be ixpict- ed that cud tackle big anymal like a COW? All the fish an blood in me rose up forninst sich prosaydin'. But 1 cud shtand the chewin' an twishtin up O their words if they wudn't be afther mixin' up the names O things. Thin they're always radin' books, an gittin' that Itinerary they don't know annything. Wud ye belave it, Ann Hooligan, some O thim missuses lived along wid was that fond of radin' that they aiven cooked out of a book.
 His riv'rence, Father Ryan, taught me to rade before 1 left the ould country, an wud have jist suited thim Yankey ladies if it hadn't bin fur thm awful words was tellin' yc of. Ye see, one day the missus I was livin' wid ix- prished wish to have a chicken pie fur dinner. an sez she, "Ye'll find the rissypee in my cookin booN. Ye can follow thim direcshuns, an not come to bother me wid questions; for I'm goin' to paint this mOrnin'. an I don't want to be dishturbed," says she, an wid that she gifts up an goes up shtairs. Of coorse 1 was little shcarcd, but 1 wint to work, an begin a-shcaldin' an a-shkinnin' the chicken.
 F., T <., l.<>Jr . l>D ,,sc
 pee, millia murther. if it didn't say it was to butthered an saysOned an put in spider! thought there was some mishtake, an 1 shpelled the radin' all over agin, but there it was right in print before the two eyes O me; so shlips up shtairs to the missus's door to ax if the book was oorrict; an she was busy paintin' on a chiny plate the beautifules boonch O roses an pinks an heart's-disease ye iver saw. But she heerd me, an widout turnin her head, sez she, "Plaze don't annoy me now, Bridget want to finish this palntin' before dinner, an I don't want to be throubled wid annything." "Faix, mem," sez I, "but 1 must spake till ye about the chicken pie. The rissypee sez to put it in a spider, an'-'' "Of coorse," sez she, inter- ruptin' me, ''jist follow that rissypee; it an ixcellent one, an ye naden't fear but your pot-pie will be all right"
 We'll, I was in dishpair, but I knew there was plinty of cobwebs in the celler and mabby cud find spiders nest an pick out good-sized one that wud be big enoof; but, faith! didn't like to be afther touchin' one wid me bare hand, for Ive always been afeard O the craythurs; but tuk broom, an swept the bames an the walls O that cellar claher than they'd bin fur tin years, an I cudn't find one bigger nor the end O my finger. Jist wid that the missus called me to bring her a crickit to put her feet on. "A crikit" sez l wringin' me hands. 'Howly Virgin! what shtraEge notions these Yankeys has; Two varmints wanted, an don't know where to find aither O thim" I'd heerd O thim haythan fhinessers, who supped on rats and birds nsts. but, bedad for an Amery- kan family that purtinded to be re- spictable to be afther wantin' thim dirty insex, faith. 1 didn't consider ii nather Christian nor daycrnt. But the missus was callin', and thinkin' the wood house wud be the likeliest place