Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1899-12-08

4}99|b|'1''S
NNNNNNNNN~ -

nIlit reading noVelS.
She-Don't you think short skirts
make q woman look shorter? He-Yes,
but they make the men look longer
Judy.
"You can't keep a secret, Marie"
"Yes, can, but l always happen to tell
things to other girls who can't."'-Chi-
cagO Record.
"Kill that mosquito, why don't you"
~ would, you know, but 1 hate to lay
violent hands on my own flesh and
blood."-Life.
Myer-Was Smyth's marriage a fail
ure? Gyer-Failure isn't name for it.
Why, it proved to be regular Della
ware peach crop.
"The Filipinos haven't any idea what
humane people we are" "No; they
are being taught, however, that appear
ances are deceitful. Life.
Bill-Did you ever know an amateur
fisherman to tell the truth? Jill-Oh,
yes; l heard one tell another that he
was a lar-Yonkers Statesman.
"Charlie Bingle is looking for a coat
Of arms" "Any success" yep. He's
found his great-grandfather was
allor."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Goodness, John! How queer the
baby looks. l believe he is going to
have fitw "By George! l believe
you are right. Where is my camera?"
-Tid-Bits.
Nexdoor-I haven't heard your dog
barking at night for some time. Homer
No, guess the poor fellow got dscour.
aged. We have twins at our house
now, you know.
Mrs. Van Swamp-William, dear, as
you have another chill coming on, will
you kindly hold the baby's rattle in
your hand? 1t amuses the sweet pre-
ciOus so much h.-Bazar.
First Country Sport--Where do you
put up when you go to New York?
Second Country Sport-Oh, I'm not
bit particular; all pawnbrokers look
alike to me."-EXchange.
He-Do you know, darling, that l
think 1t makes me better man every
! time kiss you. She-Well, at the pace
you are going now there will soon be
no more room for improvement.
mo sensible girl would elope with
the coachman to-day" "Why, no!
COachmen are back numbers. She'd
fly with the man who runs the auto
Observation-Disclosures Bulletin.
Little Willie-Say, Pa, what's a re-
dundancy of expression? Pa-Using
more words than are necessary to eX-
press ones meaning, such as wealthy
iceman," wealthy plumber" etc.
Mr. Slayer (time, 11:3O p. m.)-Are
you interested in baseball, Miss De
Jones? Miss De Jones (suppressing
yaWn)-Yes, to certain extent. | dear
ly love to see a man make home run
occasionally.
strong recommendation: "But sir,
Wnat has your candidate ever done to
ueserVe the support of the people"
wen, for one thing, this is the first
lilhe he has ever run for Office Chi
eago Journal.
Ieacher-For what else was julius
caesar noted? Tommy Tucker (who
nad studied the lesson somewhat hast
nV-His great strength, ma'am. He
'hrew bridge across the Rhine.-Chi-
cago Tribune.
The Goldfish" said the professor,
lays considerably more than a million
eggs" 1T is exceedingly lucky for the
eounsh that she doesn't have to cackle
over every egg," said the student who
came from the country.-Tit-Bits.
eoftleigh-I-aw-am weally getting
W oe-aw-quite poet, doncher know.
MISS Cutting-Indeed! Softleigh-
laws; have little book in which L
a"-Wrlte down me thoughts in whyme
e'anWy night before wetiring. Miss
ou'ting-lt will be volume of blank
verse when finished, l suppose.
nope you are one of the people
nno can keep cool in the presence Of
uanger." 81 am" answered the man
WHO wanted place as private watch
,a man Have you ever demonstrated
80 u have; l once came near being
utowned in a skating pond."-Wash-
ington Star.
4, What is the woman's offense" "She
.nreW brick at neighbor woman,
sOur Honor, and hit a man standing
oenind her." "The man is guilty of con-
uioutory negligence. If he hadn't been
al idiot he would have stood in front of
n ner. Case is dismissed. ."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
II bet a Thousand shouted the eX-