Crawford avalanche., 1899-06-08


. -~~~~~-~-~~~~-~-~-
II wonder II that girl next door plays
by carp mo. by the hour."-Chicago
Daily News.
He-"what are you two girls talking
about?- She-"Nothing; are your ears
burning gT-Yonkers Statesman
Zones got broke OF walking in his
Sleep" "HowY His wife made him
carry the baby."-Philadelphia Bulle-
tin.
"How did you succeed In your
speechY when sat down they said
1t was the best thing l ever did,
Judy.
He-"Was your brother engaged In
the late WARP" She-"No; not until
after he came home."-Yonkers States
man.
"Dasher didn't weigh his chances
when he went into that enterprise"
"And yet he speculated on a large
scale.
II saw you waltzing around your
lawn this morning." Excuse me, that
I a
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Adalbert-And so am the first man
that you have ever kissed? Guinevere
Yes; Adalbert; the others took the
initiative.-Chicago Daily News.
"Do you think strong dring shortens
a mans life" 1T may, but I never
saw topper who didn't live out the full
! ness of his ys."-Philadelphfa Bulle-
tin.
who's that horrid little man over
the way?" "Oh, that's my brother"
How stupid of me, dear; I ought to
have known by the likeness. Ally
Sloper.
Listening to speaker, you can tell
| every school teacher In the audience
by the way they look when he mispro-
nounces a word.-Washingto Demo
crat.
Surprising.-Mr. Gotham-"Here, sir,
is some whisky which have had in
my cellar for twenty years." Col. Kahn
tuck-"Well! How did 1t get lost?"-
| New York Weekly.
Browne-"Waiter, bring me dozen
oysters on the half SHE'LL" Waiter
Sorry, sab, but we'se all out of she'll
fish, sab, 'ceptin' aigs."-Rochester
Union and Advertiser.
II would like straw with this lem
onade," said the lady at the table.
"HeyY calculated the waiter, who was
hard of hearing. ''No; straw, said"
-Yonkers Statesman.
Birdcage Bill-W'ot is loafer? Why,
a loafer Is feller dat loafs of course!
| The Bowery Chicken-Dat shows your
| ignorance. A loafer is a feller dat loafs
and has no bank account.
Maude-"You wouldn't know my
fance now If you met him." Nell
"Why, has he changed so much as
| thatW Maude-"That isn't it, exactly.
I've changed him."-Pick Me Up.
Mrs. Murphy-"Now, which wan OF
youse byes trun that ball t'ro me base
ment windy" The Pitcher-"All kicks
must be registered with the umpire,
Teddy. Play ball, llersv'-Up-to-Date
The Wife-"If you object to giving
me money always, why don't you give
me so much year and have done with
it?" The Husband-'I do give you so
much That's just what object to-"
Judy.
Salesman-"This Is the fashionable
color, madame" Mmesa Parvenu-
every likely-but can't you bet me have
a cloth of that local color the painters
FOL hr, q noI
Amusant.
Young Optician-"It seems to be a
complication of conjuncuyities, pres
byopia and astigmatism." Thetpatient
Say, mister, how many pairs o.
specsll it take to cure 'emYSThe
jewelers. Weekly. ,,r Er4.
Johnny, are your people going to
take you with them on that trip across
the ocean,? "Yes'm." aren't you
afraid?" "Nome. Ainitafraidsof moth
in. I've been vaccinated an baptized"
Chicago Tribune. T#
"Your voice." said the commanding
officer, sis decidedly rasping." YES,
SIR" replied the subordinate, touching
his hat. Il have been ont roughing,it it
with file Of soldiers all the morning"
Chicago Tribune.
81 hear that Mr.. Whiffletree has Sc
cured divorce from his wife, said
Mr.. Birmingham. "He has been mus
tered out of the matrimonial army"
replied Mr.. Manchester.-Pittsbu
Chronicle-Telegraph
Benevolent Stranger Ito little boy
who is looking about for something on
the ground)-"What are you searching
for, my dear? What have you lost?"
Little Boy-"My balance, sir; 1 tum-
bled off er that fence jest now, and
muvver sed as how I'd lost it, so I
thought I'd try and find it afore father
came home."-Ally Sloper.
Inventor-Tve hit a money-making
thing at last. The preachers will go
wild over it, and it will sell like hot
cakes. It's church contribution box.
Friend-What good Is that? Inventor
Its triumph. The coins fall through
slots of different sizes, and half-crowns,
shillings and sixpences land ON velvet:
but the pennies and half-pennies drop
on to Chinese gong.-Tit-Bits.
Golf Is such an expensive game that