Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-04-09
ALWAYS BE PLEASED
VICE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT VERY
YOUNG INFANTS.
HOTaERS EXPECT KIND WORDS
circumstances Under which hns-
hand So Justified in Beating HIS
v,seA 81. Iouts Judges Views
kerosene for the Hair.

kerosene for tho Hair.
After forty years experience as mar
rled man and nursery favorite' ma
myself to-day forced 10 confess that
never know how TO make diplomatic re-
marks about ugly babies. There are many
th,,gs about which / can lie-yes, lie
elibly. seronely, smoothly, and without
fwinre Of conscicnce-but my tongue al
Vslys balks at false compliments 10 unde-
serving infants Would that could peel
~ mendacioLs compliments TO this in
Aoato class OF American citizens. for on
ne praises they receive hang all the
hopes OF tncir mothers. For less obtuse
rcrsCns than myself there are MANY in
gell0.s tricks by which one may COM
m,1a N infant and yet abstain from per-
u-y For instance, you can take the
gcaunous little demons analytical, and,
l. ling all their main features, descant
0a s1me minor point in way call
c.iaied 20 ailay suspicion. When one
considers now many points there are
about infants. IL does look as IL pretty
much everybody ought TO find something
Go'l 70 say about them. But not so with
me IL l ala suddenly thrust into the
presence OF great, moon-faced baby with
sgle eyes, or IL wizened. hickory
All featured little cuss is Unexpectedly
i"imeo on on me, j cannot find the heart
SO INTO raptures. II l had possessed
Ills happy faculty l believe l could have
held any public Office within the Gift OF
me people. AS II is. can never pay my
mousse rent without unjusuy discriminating
against my grocer.
Now any ordinary, sensible man. on
oeIh8 Unexpectedly confronted with an
ihiant-no matter how atrociOusly ugly
or inclined TO superfious expectoration the
mp may be-has only 10 keep his wits
ana ne will pull through all right. First.
you can swear the fond looks Ike his
lather or mother whichever one happens
10 be nearer YOU, and II some fellow has
gotten ahead OF you with that you can
speak OF tho childs intelligent face. In
telltgent faces. by the way, are some Of
the strong points about newly-harvested
Juveniles.
Surprising the man who wouldn't re-
cognize intelligence IL it sat in his Ian.
has already worked OF his lie there are
sun other expedents for you. What's
The matter with pretending to think the
iaoy IS II months old, whereas, in your
% ndacious soul you know it has only
been ia the community q month? This
rtltes the impression that the child IS q
r-fVel or precocity. l have known 10 COO
mOlhers 10 be satisfied with this blur
me baby Is asleep when Il is thrust
you Ior your compliment. why not say
- peace1uineSs Of its slumber Indicates
ae wonderful rate at which 1t is growing
4ais implies that the demon is already a
giant IN size Or If awake when II dark
ems Your pathway. dwell with emphasis
o. the iact that the creature appears TO
's mlraculously observant Even
eAlicA member can work this on for a
"-ea"ake INFANT with two eyes is bound
10 Pee observant. 1t couldn't HELM oh
serving, II 1t tried. and, moreover. the
scenery really must appear wonderful 10
them lor the first few weeks thev are
here
II you've got the physical courage TO
take hold ~ one OF the treacherous little |
sWtnres. you can comment on its abnor-
mally heavy weight and solidity. Even |
the most suspicious mothers accept such |
compliments With childlike faith. Then |
there ale The child's limbs-if Won can |
md them-WhiCh may be praised for |
tatr beauty. but this may be a little |
L'h'' iai babies are often bOw-legged. and |
u0 sincerity OF your appreciation may be |
4tsuohed It's better TO let somebody |
Els. md their legs before you resort to |
DIS slbterfuge
S-iposing the young rascal is neither |
e-'eifanL Intelligent, wide-awake. sleepy. |
47-'s, nor like its parents. you may,
"I- perfect diplomacy, insist that its |
small feet are beautiful. All babies have |
small feet-at least comparatively sneak
Ns-and young mothers are prepared for |
arF c1mpliments.
Whatever you do don't say the child is
300 s0 handsome as his brothers or sis
i@is The fact that an infant is the six
i--iA arrival in its family by no means
implies lack OF enthusiasm on the part !
q is parents. On the contrary they !
should be rather proud Of such a fact. for
'Ae multiplicity Of their offspring will in
iT years enable them to control all |
81 politics I'm their ward
ln selecting this theme for discussion |
! --ow fun well that / am handling a |
Title subject. but the older l grow the |
more 1 realize the importance Of being |
equipped FOR the emergencies to which 1 |
Ltfe alluded AS ! have said above. nv |
o"- incapacity along the lines indicated |
Aas been source Of grief and sorrow to
Ht Years ago l had 10 give up all hopes
no being preacher on account Of this
'ts4lalhcati0n, and since that time IL has
.si me many political honors Now.
eoAl lightly turn aside from what I've
''- you. cherish IL in your minds.
END put my suggestions into practical
operation. There's no use in winning the
Aatel q a woman when a little tact can
prevent IL.
in years 70 come, Judge Peabody, OF the |
o. Louis Police Court. will be regarded |
.y mankind as one OF the greatest phi
l4hihropists that ever donned the judicial |
ernlne. quite recently he handed down" |
an opinion in which lie held
mat under certain conditions a husband |
las the right 10 Beat his wife. In this
particular Instance the couple had fallen
out about the management Of their chill
cren, and the lady IN the case had over
ruled her cOnsOrt.
The Judge, who has evidently been up
Z INST some Of these little domestic
A-hes himself, said. in rendering the de-
eson. There are times when a wife ir-
Iiltes her husband 10 such an extent
iaa. be- cannot control himself, and uses
.a hand or fist. AS long as no serious
N.in .s done, / don't believe in punish
mHt"
va course modern society VIII profess
" .e greatly shocked by this ruling
lea ihe petticoat contingent will-but
ut. Judge was not altogether without pre-
''-,"' ana authority Tor his actIon. His
'',''1 'Aoti to cmancipate the dOwn-trod-
ven wac BASED on the best common law
-''.0i.Aes which affirm that the hus-
.-"u main ty aw power and dominion
N'tI MS VIE. and may keen her nv forcq ! .