Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-08-06

4 BOYS could see 'em and put 'em In print
| az IL "a your pleasure we will now escor
Won TO the club, where you cSn ma &C
cIusion over a little dry wine ana ish'
! refreshments" At this suggestion ihvoi'
unfairly licked my chops. but wneh IN.
thought of ham, pie. watefmeiohs, ehu
cucumbers came to me, / instantly re-
summed NV dignity. As boy in vermont
food hadn't always come my way, and
therefore. TO this day ] sometimes dis
pIav eagerness when the meal-gong
SOUNDS. -,
oIf it is your pleasure" / replied, Il
shall be most happy 70 partake once
more of the fruits which have been pluck
ed from the bosom of my dear old
mother country"
The committee shuffied their feet to
show their high approval OF this splendid
speech.
Then we all marched down the gang
way, amid the plaudits of the assembled
multitude. i led the procession, carry
ing under one arm two bamboo golt-
sticks while under the other l had seve-
raj souvenir walking canes cut in the
Philippines and a change OF linen for
future emergencies.
"All Hail the Conquering Hero" Played
the band while the hand organ struck
up Hello, My Baby" and I'm sorry,
Mr.. Johnsing, But l Gotter Throw Yer
Down"
There 1 was-back again on my native
heath, and wondering VINO was TO pay
the cab fares 10 the club. The commit
tee was large and / knew II would cost
money to supply transportation for them
all. AT any rate, no one said wofd
TO me about Il and i kept quiet. On we
whlzzed, with a pack of little niggers ana
newsboys and two organ-grinders ana
a hack full of reporters following. Al
along the streets the sweat-Snops hau
suspended business 10 see me pass ana
though all the employees were docNed
for thus quitting their work, they cheereu
me enthusiastically, and the committee
did their best not 10 look important. DC
casionalIy / DOTTED my nautical cap with
that easy grace and decorous bearing
which marks a baseball player when ne
has captured a long fly in deep centre
and subsequently comes w to the grand
stand.
At the club all the colored boys wanted
to brush me with their wisps. and II was
hardly a second before they had foroibly
dispossessed me of my golf-sticks. canes
and change of linen. | was cold ana dil-
hdent to these persons; they expected
tip. Admrals who are used TO Denold-
ing sea-serpents and whales and things
like that are not supposed to bother ABOUT
bull minnows and mental small Try
The dinner was one of those impromptu
affairs which had been in course OF prepd-
ration ever since I left the Straits Oh
Gibraltar, and which had cost 'SS per, u
say nothing of the wines. Everything
on the table looked as dainty ana beau-
tiful as possible. Had l had my koaaH
with me | would have taken a snap shot
at il. Mentally calculating its cost
realized that the layout must have footeu
I'D over 81, 600 l regretted that L couluh l
have gotten an instalment of this foou
on some former occasions when l was
hungry. Duty (Which by the way is one
OF the sublmest words in the unabridged
edition of my Webster's Dctioary told
me that 1 ought 10 derive $1,000 worth or
fun from this blowout but, horror or
horrors just as | was about to sit down
the thought of ham and pie and oucum-
bers and watermelons rushed over me ike
rats scurrying after the Pied Piper or
Hamelin. and / grasped for breath MY
head whirled around like top; / saw my
face on cigar boxes; / pictured corsets
named after me, apd babies and puppies
and goodness knows what ali responding
TO the appelation Dewey" The at
mosphere grew sitting. My vest be-
came too tight I longed for breath of
fresh air; I snorted I wheezed l gave
one loud yelp, and 10 and behold, there
before me was the woman whom / sup
port off Sl2 n week. In her wild hopes OF
being my widow she had aroused me, and,
instead of being Admiral Dewey, | was
merely the perspiring gent. whose sigma
ture is annexed below.