The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1899-05-25
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Then. bedad, ma'am, let me hear no
complaints!-Life.
Dash-Don't you think Miss Sweetly
sings with a great deal of feeling to-
night2 Smash-Yes: she must be feel
ing pretty bad.-Judge.
Johnny, did you take your cough
medicine regularly in school, as told
your Nom; Johnny Budds liked it,
an he gimme an apple for it."
Miss Fox-Papa, why does young
man give his fiancee diamond ring?
Mr.. Fox-Oh, that's the forfeit he puts
up to insure a fight.-Jeweler's Weekly.
Two next-door neighbors quarreled.
and one of them exclaimed, excitedly:
Call yourself a man of sense. Why,
you're next door to an idiot"-Ex-
change.
What time did the hotel catch FREE"
Midnight" Everybody get out safe
w "All except the Northumberland.
We couldn't wake him up in tine
Boston Traveller
WAS that sleight-of- hand mans ex-
hibition successful, Mudge?" Il think
so; | lent him counterfeit silver dol
lar, and he gave me back good one"
Detroit Free Press.
lnquirer-"When is the next train TO
Leamington?' Station-mastcr "At
u o'clock, sir" Inquirer--'W What. isn't
here one before that:" S.ation-master
NO, sir: we never run one b, fore the
next."-Tit-Blts
Miss Gay-This bathing suit is out of
date, and | don't think mamma ought
to allow me to wear 1t any longer. Miss
Prlmm-Well. If l were your mamma
should insist upon you wearing 1t
very much longer.
Parson Featherly-De Lawd hab took
yo' husban' an lef' yo' wild six chilluns;
but 'membah, sistah. dat dar's some
good in all de Lawd oes." u does. pah-
son. / realizes dat dar's one less foh
me to perwlde oh."-Life.
Bass-I got some eggs of Mrs. Fowl.
or for fifteen cents a dozen. | praised
her baby, you know. Fogg-That's
nothing. | bought some of Fowler
| himself for twelve and a half cents.
spoke in admiration of his dog.
That's a fine. solid baby Of yours,
Middleton" said a friend who was adj
miring the first baby. DO you think
he's sOlid?" asked Middleton, rather
disconsolately; lit seems 20 me as ii
he We're all ho!ler." STRAY stories
I'M ,vin1 tn
Meekton, that | never spoke a hasty
word to you" mo, Leonidas," answer
ed his wife, rather gently, I'm willing
to give you credit for not hurryins
about anything. Washington Star.
Van Twiller-"I dreamed that I com.
mitted suicide last night ON your nc.
count Miss Oldun (gushing,-"I,!
he.-er-hadn't you better to speak to
mommer about itT Van Twiller-
"Oh, l wouldn't dream of lhat."-
Judge.
Husband (handing his wife some
money)-There, dear, is ten pounds for
our birthday party expenses, and it has
bothered me "A little to get it for YOU. |
think deserve little applause Wife
Applause? You deserve an encore,
my dear.
Ingenious. but precise: care you the
defendant in this case?" asked the
judge, sharply. mo, subj" answered
the mild-eyed prisoner; Il has a law
yer hired ter do de defendn'. Is lie
man dat done stole de uhticies."--
Washington Star.
Village cousin Showing his city rela.
tive around the hamlet)-That fellow
lounging over there has just completed
tabletop composed of 4.163 separate
pieces of wood. City cousin-What did
he do that for? Village cousln-Oh,
just to keep from working.
"Do you think it proper" said the
man who was trying TO keep his tenn
per, ito laugh at a man who slips on a
banana peel by accident?" Well" re-
piled the spectator, alphabetically, Il
laughed by accident, too. didn't
think of such thing until saw YOU"
What to Eat.
"And you say the idiot of n teacher
told you that you had an extraragant
fool of father" That's what he
meant" But what did he say" He
said it was criminal folly TO waste
money on the education of such a
| chump as l am."-Cleveland Plain
| Dealer
Il see," remarked Dedbroke. that
| you advertise an up-to-date boarding
house. l suppose that refers to the
service and appointments" mo, In.
deed" replied the landlady; that re.
! fers eXcluSl XelY To the tInarlnrS