The Republican., 1899-05-04
SUBURBANVlLLE DIVIDED
Torn by a Feud That Grew
Out of Two Practical Jokes
'rEHE danger of lettering between


wise for me to stay in town for few
days" said Mr.. Suburbanite after max
ing a strenuous kick at the club serv-
ice Just to show that committing had
not dulled his alleged discrimination in
such details. you see, have friends
in both camps, and [ was present when
hostilities began. The McCoy-Hatfield
feud compares with the Brown-Adams
feud of Suburbanvilie as 80 cents does
with a dollar gold. Three church So
cieties, two yacht clubs, the Young
Mems Christian Debating, Bowling and
Park Improvement Society, the Bap-
tist Boys Brigade, and eight euchre
and whist clubs are now involved in 1t,
and a man who doesn't declare himself
for Brown or Adams is looked upon
with suspicion by both sides. l can't
hedge, and [ can't honestly range my
self with either faction, so l fled,
skipped, disappeared, and faded out
of sight temporarily. 1t will take this
row about a week to blow over, and in
the meantime if anyone from Suburb
awhile inquiries for me here just say
that | am out.
'"These little affairs lend variety to
life in the suburbs. Brown began this
one as a joke on Adams, and Adams re-
taliated with a joke on Brown, and
then came the row. Adams greatest
fad is the collecting of souvenirs, from
spoons purloined from restaurants and
hotels to pieces of marble Clipped
from tombstones and bits of wood
from celebrated houses. His own
house is filled with this sort of junk
each piece labeled, and he bores peo-
pie by explaining them. II was during
the hot weather last July that this af-
fair began. Three or four of US We're
on Browns piazza one very hot after
noon, wearing as few clothes as decen-
cy would permit, when, way down the
long dusty road we saw Adams COM
ing, wearing a suit of conspicuously
white flannels. Brown was fretful,
and the vision of Adams didn't please
him.
"I went over to Adams house yes
terday,' he said. 'to discuss the yacht
club troubles and he led me from cell
lar to garret showing me his old junk.
I'll fix him if he comes here
Gas Adams came on the piazza
Brown greeted him cordially, and
when he was comfortably stretched
out in steamer chair he said
cts lucky you came in, old man.
I've got something which I think you
will appreciate. 1 was thinking of
sending it over to Van Tassel, but he
doesn't care much for those things
"'Ts it souvenir?' asked Adams,
eagerly.
sit is said Brown, solemnly, and
a very valuable one 1t became neces-
sary several weeks ago to chop down
one of the trees at Washington's old
home at Mount Vernon. This tree, ac-
cording to authentic records. was stand
ing when Washington lived there. An
uncle of mine who happened to be visit
ing the place secured a section of this
tree for me. From a portion of it
have had frame made. Now, perhaps,
you would like the rest oft
why, man, would value it higher than
anything in my collection. May I
have it?'
Certainly said Brown, and I'll get
it for you now
''When Brown reappeared from his
cellar he bore on his back log about
four feet long and fully a foot and a
half in diameter. He said afterward
that he hated to part with it because
it was one of a lot of big logs which
he had bought for back logs in his new
fireplace. Adams was greatly excited.
"'That's fine he exclaimed. If you
don't mind I'll take it home now and
label it, Then l will invite you all to
come over and see it.
Pretty warm day for such load
said Brown, and if you choose to leave
it here l don't think it would be stolen
One of the servants might split it up for
wood, however,
"Ill take no such chances said
"We helped him balance that old log
on the back of his new white coat, and
while we were doing it Jones came to
our rescue by saying:
What a funny thing the bark on
log is The laugh that followed sur
prised Adams.
"'I don't see any joke in that, said
Adams. You must be hard up for
to laugh at
"'That's the explanation said
Brown, but, really, the bark on log is
funny
"As Adams started back down the
dusty street he could hear us shouting
at the joke which he thought was point
less.
Poor old Adams, said Brown. Log
from Washingtons old home! He'll
find the mark of Georges hatchet in it
probably. 1t makes me warm just to
watch him stagger under such load.
Teach him not to bother me with his
old junk
eve watched Adams bending under
his load until he turned the corner, and
the success of the scheme made every
one joyous. When it got cool that even
ing we all walked down to Adams house
to see his relic. He had it nailed up over
his fireplace, properly labeled, and he
uSed nm all thp hints that rpmn in cd in