The times., 1899-01-09
sNEEzED ITS HEAD OFF.
ScOtchmnn's SNUFF Killed n Turkey
When the Gang Failed to H.. 1t.


1T was during the time that the Santa
Fe was being built through Kansas. was
with track-laying outfit as boss. but
bosses and men all had to sleep in the
same box car boarding house. There was
an old Scotchman in the gang who used
snuff, and III tell you without getting far
from the truth that, if there was an engine
on the road that did not draw we'll one
pinch of that snpff would clear out her
fiues well that she would draw chunks
of coal right up through the stack. You can
laugh. but what l am telling you is Gospel
truth yes. sir.
THAT old son OF Bobby BurnsIand would
spill some of that snuff every time he took
/ a pinch, and there was snuff scattered all
around the box car we lived in and all
along the track. Why. one day a poor fell
low lying in one of those two by twice
hunks got Whit of that snuff and sncezed
so hard that he nearly beat his brains out
on the bottom of the bunk over him. We
finally got used to sneeZing.
That's not the story | was going to tell.
1t was a Christmas story / had in mind.
We were working way out in the short
grass country twenty. yes. thirty miles
from even place that would be called i
town. We had handcar and the day be-
fore Christmas We sent four OF the boys
into town to get turkey. They got the
turkey. and what's more they got several
jugs of whisky. Back they came singing
The Wearing CT the Green as only a
lot Of whisky soaked Irishmen can. Old
Scotchy was not far behind in the soaking
| business when the stuff arrived, and he
| tock his share along with his snuff \
| drink Of whisky and 'kerchew' he would
go as socn as he could take some snuff.
That was the drunkest gang / ever
! saw. They kept it up all night ana even
| the cook was loaded. The next morning
| they brought the turkey out to be slaugh-
tered. The crowd was so fun of whisky
/ they walked all over the right Of way. and
| the turkey was the only sober one in the
| crowd. One big Irishman got the AK out
| and sharpened it. ready to do the heads
] mans act on Sir Turk. The turkeys head
! was laid on a tie and the man raised the
! aX to strike. Just as the AK cama down.
} the turkey got a whin Of Scotchie's snuff
! and sneezed so hard that the AK was bur
| led several inches in the tie. but never
| touched him. The crowd thought a.
| Was pretty good. and all tCUk drink on
! the strength Of the turkeys lucky saeeze.
The turkey kept Sneezing and they kept
| drinking and kept missing the turkey 5
/ head. Every time the AK was raised 10
! strike. the turkey sneeZed and the crowd
| took another drink. and the turkeys life
/ was saved. There wasn't one in that
! crowd sober enough to hit that sneeZing
. turkeys head, fer ii bobbed all over the
/ tie when the turkey sneezcd. The snuft
. that had been scattered by the four winds
of heaven saved its head from that AK.
/ We didn't have any Christmas dinner that
day. The last man to drink that night was
| the Old Scotchman. All the rest were fast
asleep. and he wandered over to the jug
and took long pull. Then he opened his
box for pinch OF snuff He was too drunk
TO close the box and had it open in his
hand when he dropped off to sleep.
The next morning when the crowd came
to there lay the turkey dead. Its head
could not be found.
The old man stopped and moved away.
What became of the head" asked one
Why. it got its beak in the snuff box
and sneezed its head of
They can't he equaled in quality-IIcurich,