Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1899-08-02
BILL PARTlOW
Writes About Wedru William, the
Celebrated Tourist.

ed tourist, was making 4 tour of this
country on foot and in box cars,
the general manager of an Epworth
League Society invited him to de-
liver an address upon some appro-
pirate subject in line with League
work. He consented and the gen
eral manager put him down the last
thing on the program for a two
hours talk.
No doubt, while sitting there in
his seat, Weary William thought it
would take HIM week TO express
all the thoughts that went surging
through his brain, but when he got
up before the audience, all the
beautiful thoughts and eloquent ex-
presslons had taken another train
and he looked like the remains of
Kansas cyclone, tracked forty
miles from nowhere.
AT last, however, after a desper-
ate effort, he announced his subject.
"Benefits Derived from Attending
Epworth League" not because he
ever alluded to it afterwards, but be-
cause he thought it would have "A
pleasing effect upon his hearers.
was at that time engaged as ed
itor, reporter, printer and general
devil on the "Ginseng Swipe," a
sucking endeavoring to struggle
through it's measly existence, and
the entire force of that office, which
consisted of myself, few rats and a
hornets nest, were under instruc-
tions to swipe everything in reach.
took the speech down in short
hand, but it has been SO long ago
my notes have become somewhat
chilled, and | am only able now to
decipher few paragraphs of that
eloquent display of oratory. Here
it is:
".Ladies and Gentlemen u have
been called here to-day uncercmon-
iously and without provocation, to
bring to your attention few facts
that you have never attended. In
the first place j must ask you a few
questions. To begin with. | wan,
to know if you are aware of the
tact that we are living? Do YOU
know that the patronage of this
League is comprised of males and
females? Have you ever stopped to
ponder over the pre-eminent fact
that If you were not here, you would
be somewhere else? DO you realize
that some who are here today will
be somewhere else tomorrow? Have
you ever conceived the incandescent
fact some will say that it is better
to be here getting pointers from peo-
pie who do not know what they are
talking about, on a subject that has
never been unearthed, than to be
surrounded with dozen bottles of
beer, ham sandwich, and three
grass widows?
No, my fellow creatures, as You
journey down life's rugged boule.
ward of time, you never stop to
think of the privations and stomach
trouble endured while locked up in
a box car; you never stop to think
OF the many times that loyal mem
bers of my fraternity are chased ont
at the back gate by vicious bulldogs
and not even asked for our card. or
to call again; you cannot realize how
my stomach dances with delight
when ! get my clutches upon bot
tie of beer and a ham sandwich.
these important facts have never
been injected into your imbeclle
thinking organs with hyperdermrc
squirter.
Now my fellow prisoners, you
want to know why we are here.
Have you come here to study the |
Bible and practice the Golden Rule? |
No my fellow Holsters and mossback
spiusters, far from it; many of you