davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-12-24
SOME SUPERSTITIONS
OF IGNORANT Beers.
THEY MAY BE FAMILY GOOD WITH
A RIFLE, set ARE SADLY DEFI-
Client IN HANDLING a FEN.
II II said That They ExDected THAT
the Present War World surely
Ne an Utter Rent for tbe
British Arms.

~ the average Boer cannot be too
Il strongly impressed upon those Who
may stiil have some lingering
ideas that ne Is fully cfvilixed
and intelligent human being.
Within the last nve years one OF tho
worst Of the recurring water famines &C.
CURED at johannesburg Now, there - -
highly capitalized waterworks company for
the supply Of the town. and huge resefvofS
at different points. into which the water.
when there Is any, is pumped from the
sources OF supply.
ON this particular occasion there was .
peculiarly severe drought The water
works company could not supply 1.-THE
Of the demand upon their mains The
springs had run dry, and water became
nearly as expensive as whisky.
To one of the directors Of the water
works company a brilliant idea occurred.
He had heard that detonatfons Of arth-
Iery had before now brought down ram
from the clouds. 30 he caused to be MADE
some ordinary rockets with somewhat
powerful charges Of dynamite.
These we're fred into the sky. and,
sure enough, some small showers Of rain
feIl-not copious showers. but enough TO
Erove that there was something In the
scheme of the ingenious director.
But the Beers, in their bigoted fguor-
ance. vehemently resented this forcing OF
the ways and methods of nature Fro
tests were made In the Volksraad against
ssthe bIasphemous and sacrilegfous bonn
bardment Of heaven" by the outlanders.
and finally II was specially, formally, and
totally forbidden by "Volksraad besluit
or law.
what had specially urged the Boer pa
triots to this extraordinary step wau the
seemingly serious but actually jocular pub
lfcation in one Of their own Dutch papers
that this discharge Of rockets into the
clouds had had the direst result. .nasmuch
as a poor little cherub had been picked Mp
on the veldt not far from Johannesburg
with wounded wing!
This was taken perfectly seriously. ana
a cireumstantial report went about the
Rustenberg district that the wounded
chefub was being taken to Pretoria IN e
wagon 10 be placed under the charge Of
Paul Kruger! The report even went 10
far as to state that the cherub ambulance
would cross Mulder's drift near Ed1sons
farm ON . certain Sunday soon after SUM
up" As result at least couple of
hundred rode out from their farmA from
distances of score OF nltlns and more
ON purpose to see the poor Wounded
cherub!
When nothing happened--no wagon. no
cherub. and no excitement - they were
much disappointed. and rodo back to their
farms in high dudseon.
-
Beers Are Peer Pennen.
The Boer may be fairly good at hand
ling rife. but he is sadly deficient In hts
ability to handle q pen.
When the average Boer has to attach
his name to q document an air Of Inn
portance pervades his dwelling for Sow
eral hours The children are constant
" chided, the patient "vrouw" has pre-
occupied look, and the husband himself
nt,ffs even more vigorously than usual 1t
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
4 TRANSFERRED CHUCKLE.
From The Worcester Gazette.

From The Worcester Gazette.
man who lives somewhere down Bloomingda e
way is not Dragging any more about easy way
to get home a way which he invented and for
the railway yards. and when engine started down
toward his way he would mount the cowcatcher,
and often carried far as the boiler works.
sometimes further There many engines
switching back and forth in that neighborhood
that he nearly always sure to catch one. \
few days ago he went to the yard usual and,
seeing an engine starting out in an easter
ly direction. ne boarded il. The engineer
wnked to himself He knew what the man
did not know The man sat on the cOwcatcher
and chuckled as he thought Of his friends paying
their li'tle five ccntses to the Consolidated Street
Railway Company Then he painted fanciful pict-
Of himself sitting in his window looking out
and smiling At the who had started for home
before he had as they trudged wearily homeward.
and he continued to chuckle.
The engine had attained considerable degree OF
speed when IL reached the boiler works. and the
man thought that lee going rid, furt her
than usual. in which he right, but he chuck
led again. and in this hc wrong. The en-
ginocr increased his speed. ana then the chucklcs
passed from the man Or the cOwcltchcr back over
-iduOusy cultivated by the at the throttle
and his fireman The man looked back aDp,alinly-
ly. bat he did not yrl. for hc knew ID would 10 no
good. The engineer did not seq the appealing look
Franngham Tho man thought Of jumping when
the engine began 20 pass he lake but the cow
catcher Of rapidly moving locomotive is not a
nice place 10 jump from. and he sighed and thought
better OF IT,
When tho engineer got to Wesiboro he reented
FOR the way train back and paid his fare to
Worcester and his nickel 10 the Consolidated and
finally arrived At his home. lie did not sit in his
wlndo" looking out and smiling at The who
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
STARVING SPANISH SOLDIERS.
Cleveland Moffett in Leslie's Weekly.

Cleveland Moffett in Lesie's Weekly
II in the gathering room OF Company l. at
the list Regiment Armory. that found Lieutenant
Williams one morning, in group OF his comrades.
some Of whom busy with accounts while
others listened TO comic jinged at the piano.
one Of the odd things he told me about Civ
ing food to Spanish soldiers during the days Of
truce following the capture of san Juan Hill.
you see. those chaps were starving" he said.
"and they'd sneak across the seven hundred yards
between our lines and make motions that they
wanted something to eat. One day got an in
terpreter and asked them II they didn't think they
had pretty good nerve to strike us for hardtack
and things while the fighting was stil They
made lot Of polite gestures and talked a string Of
Spanish. the meaning Of which was: Honorable
gentlemen and brave soldiers of America IL Is true
we have been fighting against you; we have tried
to kill you you have tried to Kill These things
have happened. and may happen again but I'm the
mean time We must eat. Please understand that
although shoot you down. have no personal
anmosity against you whatsoever. We obey orders
just you do and why
should not accept your bacon and hardtack II you
VIII be gracious enough To give il to Us. especially
need II sorey'
"Well." said the lieutenant. that speech made a
big hit with us. and the Spanish soldiers went
aH ny with an armful Of provisions which we took
up in collection for them. As they started t.
leave they sautcd us again with the greatest po-
trness and repeated their assurances that they
thought the wdr deplorablc business and that i
would cause them great regret In the future 70
nave 10 XIII such distinguished gentlemen we
had proved ourselves"
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19

after he had driven me to my gits' .,.
thought or the minister Of the little so,eb ~
bytcrian Church. In tho nearest village for on, -
was a regular Attendant. Nor than that \. ~ ~
strictly honest In al his dealings with hs ~
bOrs and came good deal nearer living M IA q,
golden rule than does many a. nan Nh0 ney',N y N Va
still o! any kind he wogh ,aria.nly rs,,A
the minister. and that worthy If once agre.s
render such assistance a. be- could
" 'Well2' was my sole inquiry when I -,.. -
advocate after he had scrn his rrrishloner v
" Not well answered The minister .iih . 4.
I pointed out the sin OF hn breaking 4, Z,
strongest language. but he Rorii eniy ssy' W
mauna ask mo to get ~ .Jr ~ support. he -.
wife and BARNS. NJ father Arf iIs fliths, -
him made q drappie and ilnra .ee mu.ke =
int. Naebodie makes better. ara under "a !.
cumstances 10 permit s~"arn pr oul aasu.,
abooi the s,iil 90
Il have no doubt ne is making r1onshns re-.
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
THE INQUEST.


From The Denver Evening fost
WASH nom nom, o' u "'''''" i ''''
c.,i',', Nf.vic,, Rfu,Ido to he (;reaser Promised
sendih M'~'''" "'''''"o ~ wv
Jo had oive rs proycrcation fur don' OF that
lie hau sF' Us
p, nai,nin' all the aces I'm an honest poker game.
!y !y "a p palm,ln an - ~ tb Iynrbin. i'm some unknown
rnnun,r got
10 be connty seat below us. an precipaely
Tho ~, Toroncr saln' fur to take the needless
M bnidn. of an inquest on the weather chilled
r'''''''''
Said il was a legal duty. an the jury's verdck
c,, ,h ycess perpetrators in tangle purity tight,
tS,r The sudden clevation Of a mortal to a tree
was desra~' erati'' 90 '
We didn't 60
III "f IT, 90
An ~ 1SN'' No "' ~
r,, go ,,odes,Iv informed him he could make his
i""' Wi w. ,I,v
Go ho summoned IN a Jury. an 1t started on ITS
york .
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
SClRED IVTO APPENDTCITTS.

From Tho New-Orleans Times Democrat
~ had appendicitis the other duy" said ST
mari s-st business man. that is TO say | had II
10 an intents and purposes. This Is iho wav /
contracted II: About week ago / borrowed a
medical work from a friend to look up a point
ABOUT which J was curious. IT WAS a work on
diagnosis and among other things it gave "A minute
description Of the symptoms Of Appendicitis I
have always been much afraid Of the maladv and
that chapter had hdcOus fascination for mo I
read II ana reread it, and as I did SO il seemed 10
me that some Of the premOnitory Signs conceded
exactly with certain aches and pains | had felt for
several days. got alarmed at once and that night
was pauic-sricken 10y scyere cramp "A little north
east Of my right hipbone. That [ knew TO be the
fatal spot. and. needless to say. didn't s'ecp "A
wink.
by morning had al the symptoms Of a typical
case, and could scarcely get around 10 see the
doctor. began to tell him my story when he
stopped M" How do you come TO know so much
about the disease he asked | replied proudly
mat ! had been reading up on it, The dickens you
have! he replied We'll. YOU get right out of this
office. confound YOU, and don't waste any more of
my time! Then he explained that every medical
student always has all the diseases on record in
regular order just he studies EN- and | began
to feel better went home. returned the blasted
book. and am now entirely out Of danger thank
you II was the quickest recovery record"
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
THE PffNT HiBfT.
AN INsIDIoUs VICE THAT ATTArKs AND -v.,
CONTROLS MEN
From The Montreal Gazette

From The Montreal Gazette
or all the vices 10 which tho toad ~ ,.a
can be addicted. the paint arsze is prohabis ~
most devastating In It's en''' upon no ma,
clothing and purse
Unlike drunkenness and PLAYING on brass ,,..
ments, II Is a vice which can b. rracii-ed Fl,',
publicity. and this Is doubtless one reasor o., !,
is so awfully prevalent
There seems 20 bc something wonder,1il, q.
clnating IN IN" private pain brush and ths ~.
OF prepared paint that are eNf,nsit iteiy .dv.,-.
beautifying objects upon which applied
The man who has once allowed himself 70 ns,
the kitchen chairs or the dog kennel fak~s 4 r.
which ne can rarely retrac". li thirst 70, a.
grows with indulgence and he soon ONES "a -
wretched unless he has brush boz hos hand
Among private painters thor. exists 4 sir...
and morbid unWillingness % iI.py rarfiel. -
paint To be wasted. Tho man VINO buys A o.,
can Of blue paint with which 10 paint abb ~.
finds that after the work ls done he "a A aa.-,
OF a pound Of paint lcit. instantly tries 10 a.
some other article Of furniture Or which % - .
Thus he Is constantly led on from one r'ls
OF furniture to another an3 reduces hlnssf !,
poverty. madness and despair
The story Of a man who Was once a respAc.ss
and worthy ratepayrr Of an adjoining nHlcpu,
presents fearful illustration of fho Misery csgrl
by private painting The man In question was n
duced by an indiscreet friend i0 buy a pound Il
red paint with which 10 paint "a mall DOG bsrss
without rejecting upon tho danger to whicf sy,-
one exposes himself who take. tIf unha k.<
brush in his hand this man painted mo log kns
and with the quarter % d pound hat sas ~
himself. that the paint should not b, wasted
lie found that when the bafhfIb vas not nsi
than half-painted his supply n paint was sI
hausted. and he therefore bought another nal
With this he finished the hafhtub and had tsI
time thrce-quartcrS OF pound .sr
II was. OF course. impossible frr him 20 slies sI
much paint 10 Boz wasted. and a.rorlingy nj
began 10 paint me six kitchen chairs Thers "
enough for five chairs only and .h, sreiched n
saw that he could not help buying o. third ws-k
nearly all of which was ler after ne sixth r.i
was finished.
With hungry eyes and an oVcifcl air he ~
roamed through tho housO seeking what he mxs
paint, and finally decided 70 paint he woofss
OF his study Two additional pounds wert NJ
before the wO0iwOrk wis finished but he foug
that I'm hts anNiety 10 finish ihe Wprl lihog' bu,
ing a sixth can ~ rcd paint be- had lah % u
paint 50 lightly IN some places that the rsul, n
81 ished him.
As a remedy. he resolved 10 run a naTros q
of black paint around narn parol and therfaI
bought pound OF the best prepared ivory tai
Not moro than half u II had been used whet .,
work was finished and j, became n.cessav \
find something on which 10 use The rrma ndef
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
'GATOR" SMITH.

. s1,oRy WHICH ILLUSTRATES THE INTELLI
GFNCE OF MISSOURI LEGISLATORS AND
THEIR CONSTITUENTS.
From The Kansas City Journal
William e. Smith the tall representative rom
McDnnoId county Is known all over the Southwest
as Gator Smith nickname that was given MN
in a political controversy down in Newton Iounty
many wears ago "'Gator.'" n correspondent Of
'"Thc Republic says. lis one OF the characters OF
the Assembly His growing like a rooster on the
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19

night Of the Democratic Senatorial caucus made
him famous and popular among his fellow -egis-
lators. II is Of the sights Of the session to
Gator place little Harrison Weant, Of Galloway
County. Of he pages Of the House on "A desk
in front Of him. The midget clucks for all the
world like fussy old hen. and ''tiator' crows as
no mortal man ever crowed before When the
members Of tho House want little amusement
they induce Gator and The midget TO give their
speciality.
In addition to his other accomplishments
'GatOr' tells 4 story well. In 1894 h. was a candi-
date for Probate Judge Of Mcdonald County He
had hlled the Office three terms. and was running
for the fourth He WIS beaten because ne used a
gold pen. The sturdy farmers and cowboys of Nc
Donald liked Gator and stood 5s him. 5ut when
he hOught gold pen and II vas currently rumorei
and generally believed that he wrote The records Of
his court with the obnoxious pen. they retired him
70 private life n took two three years for Mr.
Smith TO square things about that pen. and now h.
l. extremely circumspect 10 the kind Of a pen he
uses
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
IN A WELSH SUNDAY-SCHOOL
From The Church Gazette.

From The Church Gazette.
Having. few years ago. to make n long stay on
account Of my health in n Welsh fishing village, |
was asked to take a class in the Sunday school.
The Welsh people deeply appreciate the truth OF
the old saying about being too old to learn.
A number of th. scholars had seen al least seventy
winters Old and young formed the bulk Of the
pupils but there representatives. OF all ages,
from the old lady of eighty years to the demure
maiden Of five. | asked to take class ut a
branch school. chiefly affected by fisher folk.
observed that every teacher had "A small pile OF
kneeling mats. After prayers noticed the teach
ers collecting the knceling- mats and sitting on
them Those belonging my class had dsap-
prared. when / had read my verse there was
silence but for a very brief space. With one ac-
cord my class went for the rest Of the school
They had knotted no the kneeling- mats in man
urr peculiar TO themselves. and these rather for
midable weapons gave them a great advantage
Tne fight was short. but glorious. my class yicto-
roiisy drove the foe before them right out of the
school Indeed 50 great damage WAS done. one
lady had her hat spoiled, and another got "a black
eye but us was afterward explained. IL was her
own fault faf not getting out Of the way. There
WAS no more school that afternoon
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19

may be defined in simple terms as sudden clos
Of the gottis. accompanied by a convusive in
spiration and a spasmodo contraction OF the dia-
phragm. producing a concurrent shock In the
thoracc cavity and manifcsting its presence usu-
ally by a sharp vocal concussion. II Is probably
both psychological and physiological disturbance
and il IS Of \ reflex character Its subjective point
being undoubtedly in the nervous centres Patho-
logically considered. ii sometimes indicates peri
tonitis and is occasionally present in gangrenous
affections. That gives you definite idea, does 1t
not?''
Yves" answered the patient. Still, I'd like to
know what the Sam Hill they are anyway
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19

The unhappy man now realized "nen -
too late 10 save himself thai Poo MAS col1.1
painter. and that he had not -Ghrieh,, 49,, ~ 3
Of Will TO cast the accurs,d ptIni1fish lfV~ -
no matter n ne did thereby waste neay 90
of IVORY black He pursued hl. i1sn~1d
with great rapidity. Needless of the iesis -, Il
wife and the cntrrdtics Of his daughters. hsys,s hs
everything in the house on ~hch pm
could be- Laid. 80, .,
His wife and daughters could rot 20 80
street without sh0wiu-. bJ tn,ir NJ ~ n
patches OF black paint ihIf 'he heao 81
house was a private painter DOB. money - IN
found It's way into the p0-k 'i mo s'0s s''s, ps|
who sold the paint and bis h.ii'h tf'h,'~
way under the influence Jf painters eoh@
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
~ HONEST vOONSUNER

From The Detroit Free Press
one DetrOter who used to be a revenue officer
III th' south and VINO assisted i'm the coniiscation
OF many an Illicit STILL has numerous entertaining
eApcilehces 10 relate. Among them is this one
There was one moonshiner that de1ed ALI efforts
10 put MN out Of business. We knew that he was
uls'ilIihS the dew right along. and he knew that
we knew 1t. but he bafied all our efforts 10 secure
e11nVctinS 1 evidence He was a shrewd. determined
@ oi o.otchInah head and shoulders above the aver
age mountaineer In Intelligence.
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
4 coNNIDERirE HJSBisD.


From The Boston Transcript -
Mrs Kapen Charles Is al~ tfs very nn' .ss .
complain Of his treatment nf n' Dus -, 40
wasn't So close with MS money ne NV
me tO handle any Ot H. ,,. ar, -
Mrs jorge have heard him say iusi'
things "A man shou: keep from his VIE
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
orr THE TRACK.

From Tit Bits. .xH
John has five oranges. James gave M =. -
and ne gives Peter seven. how many d"
Before this problem the class recolleoi an y
please. sir said A young Lad, We A"~
eur sums ia appleA"
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
FROM A MODERN GALLERY.

had started for home before he had they r1Idged
Wearily homeward Since then he has been careful
TO sound the engineers before he perches himself
their cOWcatchers.
New-York tribune., 1899-02-19
EASILY UNDERSTOOD NOW.
The Chicago Tribune.

From The Chirago Tribune.
whit are hccoughs. anyhow. doctor?" inquired
tho man who had been troubled with them.
"Ii"coughs," replied the physician, glad to see
bis patient showing some interest In things again
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-08-04
Catching a Rogue

In g great city like London there are many importers, who make busI- ness of appealing to public sympathy by shamming sickness. Not only do they pretend to be crippled or blind, but they also feign epilepsy and other diseases, and are taken to public hos pitals in a state of assumed uneon- was carried into hospital from a po- lice van and laid on a sofa in the ex~ amining room. The resident surgeon had a keen eye, and watched the pa- ttent closely. As the apparently un- conscious man was deposited on the sofa few pennies fell out of his pockets and rolled on the floor. The patient opened his eyes and made a quick movement to recover the coins. Then he bethought himself aud drew back.
 The doctor, accustomed to deal with such pretenders, turned to an attend ant and remarked:
 You notice. probably, how limp the man is and how heavily he is breath ing. It is a bad case, and needs im- mediate and severe treatment Fetch the battery
 There was a suspicious trembling of the patients hands, and the loud breathing ceased, When the battery was produced, the doctor added, brisk ly:
 He scarcely breathes. You must be quick. Let him have the full power of the battery. Half charge will not answer the purpose"
 The patient by this time had opened his eyes from sheer terror, and before the wires were we'll in hand he had found his voice Sitting bolt upright on the sofa, he shrieked:
 Let me go, beg Of you. There is nothing the matter with me. I am only a poor sort of humbug, that tries to make a few pennies by shamming. Turn off your batteries and let me go"
 The patient was dismissed after he had picked up the coins which had fallen under ths sofa.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-08-04
LETTER BOXES.
Which Deliver Messages and Cards ss
 Upper Floors.

In several of the new apartment houses in Paris an ingenious invention has been placed, which is of such prac- tical, common sense value that it might be introduced with profit in this country, where any saving of time and labor appeals so strongly to modern American ideas. Tbe patent in ques- tion is an automatically moving letter box for the reception of letters ad- dressed to a tenant. Tn the Yestibule of the house are placed just as many of these letter boxes as there are ten ants in the building. In general ap- pearance there is little difference be
 tween the group of boxes and those . ae seen in the vestibule of any flat
 Use in this country Instead. how eH7r, of retaining the letters, cards, elea until servant descends to get them, or the tenant opens the box on entering or leaving his house, the Paris invention performs it's work promptly by delivering it's contents to the person for whom they are intend- cd. Thus. when the postman on his rounds has a letter for Mir. So-and-So. he deposits it in the box bearing that gentleman's name. The missfve opens a lever at the bottom of the box.which thereupon moves upward until 1t comes to Mir. So-and-So's apartment. Then, by co-relatiye mechanism, the contents of the box are emptied into a receptacle in the hall of the apart- ment, and a bell is rung automatically to notify the servants that letter has come. Its duty done, the box de- seends again to take it's place with those of the other tenants in the ves- tibule. And not only letter alone, but even a visiting card dropped into the box will speed it on it's upward errand, so light is the weight required to operate this practical mechanism.