Daily camera., 1899-02-24
IRISH DRIVERS WIT.
ONE OF THEM WHO HAD a
PIECE OF NEWS.
Ready Blarney and Keep t@e-The tarish
Priest, Who Was Ne:y Heavy. Wanted
to Find Out How Much Ills Fare
Would BE. 8

A gentleman named Capt. Johnson,
who lived in Dalkey some years ago
was driven one dark night from Kings
town to his residence, says the London
Telegraph. The carman, who was dis
contented with the sum paid him, said:
"Shure, yer homer will give me a
trifle more than that?" mot a rap
more" replied the captain. Faith
you would if you heard the news
What news?" Give me another shil
ling now, and I'll tell you,' said the
driver. Capt Johnson gave him the
shilling, saying: Now, what has hap
pened?" 'Sorra the harm ut all said
the driver, only | thought you'd not
begrudge a little extra for to know
that l druv yez all the way without
the, linch-pin." The unforgivable sin
on the part of fare in their eyes is,
needless to say stinginess. A com
mercial traveller told a carman he en-
gagged at his hotel to be quick TO catch
the train at kingSbridge terminus. Pat,
thinking he saw an extra shilling in
store, hurried along at a tremendous
speed and pulled up his parting horse
at the terminus just in time for his
fare to jump into the train; but the
reward he got was an extra twopence
A few weeks later Pat, on being called
from "the stand" to the same hotel,
recognized in the fare his parsimoni-
Gus patron.
This time he had to go to the Broad
stone terminus On he went at vlo-
lent pace for a short distance. and
then, Ill.rE up slowly behind a big
dray, pretended that he could not pass
Round he went by Henry street Moore
street, Britain Street-al the narrow
est and slowest thoroughfares--so that
when the terminus was reached the
train was gone and the fare was left
heap beside him and five hours to wait
for the next chance of transit to the
west OF course Pat was treated to all
the blank blanks in the English Ian
suage by the irate commercial traveller
but he coolly got up on his car. and,
n
rah did yez think | was goin to kill
me baste agin for tuppence" A
strange request was once made by {
Car driver to friend Of mine, jour
nalist, as he was being driven from
Loughrea to Ballinasloe during the
land-league agitation i'll the early sos
AS they approached lonely part of
the road thickly wooded on each side,
the driver pulled up and said to my
friend: Would you mind changin
places, sir?" why so?" asked my
friend We'll, sir, to tell you the
truth" replied the driver, there was
land agent fired at down there below
a couple of months ago, and fax it was
the jarvey they kilt"
Mr.. Thorpe Porter, well-known
Dublin magistrate, used to tell The fol-
lowing amusing story: On the evening
Of the day in 1S4S that John Mitchell,
the lulnous young Irelander, was SEN
fenced in Dublin for transportation for
fourteen years for treason felony, Mr.
Porter was passing along Capel street
on hackney car, when he was recog-
nized by the crowd and saluted with a
volley Of stones. Not one of the mis-
siles struck the magistrate, but the
carman received blow which elected
from him copious flow of malediction
All, WELL" said Mr.. Porter, the stone
was not intended for you" 1T hurt
Inc all the same, yer homer" replied
the jarvey. Thin vagabonds shouldn't
throw stones without havin' a good
aim and KNOWN who they'd hit"
A few other specimens of their wit,
repartee and powers Of invention may
in conclusion be quoted. A gentleman
alighting at Bray station was saluted
with the usual cry: Have a car, yer
homer" mo, I'm able to walk" he
replied. "Musha, may yer homer long
be able but seldom willin' to walk"
was the witty response. A gentleman
on hackney car In hurry to reach
his destination was delayed by drove
Of pigs on the road. On Them"
be muttered "Why thin, now, sir"
remarked the driver, I'D rather see
them saved"
\ parish priest from Wicklow-a
very heavy man, weighing about twen-
ty stone-wanted to take cab from
Harcourt street station, Dublin, to
Drumcondra, the residence of the Ro-
man Catholic archbishop. Before he
got into the vehicle he bethought him
of the reputation Of the Dublin jarveys
for charging exorbitant fares, so he
asked the driver to tell him what he
would charge for the drive.
oh, I'll lave that to yer riverence."
was the reply.
But how much is it?" persisted the
priest.
'Whativer yer reverence PLACES" said
the driver
THAT won't do" his reverence in
sisted. II shall not get into the cab
until you tell me the fare"
Get in at vance, yer reverence"
exclaimed the jarvey, "for if the horse
turns and gets sight of yez, the devil
step he'll go at ALL at ALL
An English tourist driving along q
country road drew the jarvey's atten-
tion to wretched tatterdemallon.
what a shocking thing 1t is" said he,
"to see a man in such rags and mis-
cry" "Begorra, thin, yer homer" re-