The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1899-09-15

y
want to laugh too if can get good
reason for it."
"a man who wants reason for laugh
ing before he commits himself can get
job as a funeral director most a.y-
where's" said the stationery man. YOU
don't want to be the iceman; you're
double condenser ice plant yourself.
It's gag, if you want to know, just one
of them gags that people get off,
Il wish it was one of the kind people
can't get off, said the tailor, viciously.
1T. would save whole lot of suffering.
I'd like to gag every man the minute
he bought one of them things and tie
his hands so he couldn't make motions.
If remember rightly you were one OF
| the first men in the city to buy chest
nut bell and the last to give it up"
That's right" said the stationer
with an air of modest pride. MY
| cousin in New York sent me one by
mail just as soon as they come out
| there"
Its too bad we have to look to New
York for all our bright idees," said the
tailor. Seems as if we ought to be able
to get up something of the kind right
here in Chicago-or Cunning, anyway.
You got lots of fun out of that bell,
didn't you?"
Il rung you off time or two" said
the stationer, defantly.
| You did," admitted the tailor. you
would come in here and if you couldn't
do anything else you would ask me
| what L thought of the weather, and ring
when said that it looked like rain.
Nobody could come around you and
open his face but you had to ring. You
neglected your business just the same
as you're doing now, and went about
tinkling that little gong like knife
grinders barrow. You thought you
were the 'cutest, thing ever happened
until you got thrown out of that vaude-
vile house for ringing off the Irish
specialist"
He needed it,
$50 did you. And you were in the
same fix when you got slugged for pull
| ing an I'm-something-of-a Iiar-my self
card on the new bartender down at Nc
Garrigan's."
Il did little of that smuggling. He
didn't operate smuggling trust and con-
troll the output"
THAT wasn't the story you told the
police judge when you was able to ap-
pear. L thought you'd give up them
| ive-cent inside lining joshes after that,
but 1 guess you'll keep on until some
body gets out of patience with you and
kills you
I'D like to know what it is makes
you miserable whenever anyone gets
to feeling good" said the stationer.
IF person comes around you with
sunshine in his soul and gladstone
smile on his face you take it as person
al insult. 1 look to see you get a stick
of dynamite and blow up Dutch beer
| garden some night just because the
people are enjoying themselves there.
| You'd poison an organ-grinder's
| monkey"
Il would" said the tailor, with de-
cision. I'D poison the organ-grinder,
too, if got good chance"
and any kids that happened to be
dancing on the sidewalk to the music"
added the stationer. "Ain't you got any
friends besides me?''
Are you my friend?"
I'D lend you dollar note any time
you needed it and 1 had it, if you were
able to give me any kind of security
that I'd get it back. There's people that
calls themselves your friends that won't
do that for you
| IF you're my friend" said the tailor,
| you want to keep your ice tongs and
| chestnut bells hid when you come into
this shop. If you've got any celluloid
| buttons with You Amt the Only Sos
sidge in the Shop or I've Got Troubles
of My Own or any other gags you leave
them on the grand piano before you
| start out to entertain me. How'd you
| like
ITO be the iceman?"
ITO have me come into your shop
three times day and rub your teeth
with blacksmith's rasp?"
It'd be all right if you did it in a
| friendly spirit, but 1 want you to I'M
derstand that you can't come in look
ing the way you do now and take them
kind of liberties. You've got to be pleas
| ant about it."
| The tailor threaded a needle, scram-
bled up on his bench and, crossing his
legs, began to sew. I'll be pleasant
about it, he said, as he jerked a kink
out of the thread. "The next time YOU
get off any of these funny little auto
matte side splitters on me I'll get down
on you in a friendly spirit and hammer
youwith the smoothing iron until you'll
need a certificate of Identification to
| get buried in the family lot You 90
home now and think that over and take
your ice tongs with you. Hold on, don't
go off mad. You can take little josh
| yourself, can't you?''
The stationery man put his hands in
his pockets and chewed the end OF his
cigar rapidly as he turned at the door.
The tailor was smiling, but his neighbor
seemed offended for once.
If you're getting hot you want to
think about your friend the iceman,''
said the tailor. Cool off, Billy, cool
off"
The stationer took his cigar out of his