davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-07-06
Business News

The time is not far distant when ths
advertiser will realize the necessity Of
changing the subject matter Of his ad-
vertisement more frequently. II he
should discover u news paragraph or an
editorial repeated in several issues Of a
daily newspaper, he would at once char
acterize 1t us absurd. yet this Same man
may permit his advertisement to stand
for week or month without change
Advertising is news from the business
world, but before it is justly entitled to
such consideration 1t must be changed
more frequently.-Exchange.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-07-06
Awkwnraly-worded sirn,

A sign hung In the partially depleted
store Of q New York funeral director
who had moved further uptown caused
many smile among passers-by the 9TH
er day. 1t read: "Have gone to better
place above, where fine stock of cof-
fms. caskets, and SO forth will be found,
with all the latest designs in funeral
furnishings,n
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-07-06
Hoped to he MI. Th...

The professor was explain'-.., - n.
ea..,;, ss =. young ..omen the theory ac-
SsN 20 TO which the human frame is
completely renewed every seven years.
addressing this young woman. he said:
Thus, Miss -, in seven years you
viii be Miss - no longer" II devout-
~ hope that may be so, said the young
lady, demurely, casting down her eyes.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-07-06

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s4ssm - aooqS u e1sm no6 4sq4 ees
Vas szsm O. 9ulod = sAsH 'suoBdI1os
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Vssnu1rs 9norS = saI Sol1d . " 11oA
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eod - sp1oA AsJ % " se1qloIo1 qsNS
i smos du msq3 eAles 'qald eql loy
uFlsss q9EA Ieqaoq o. 3suq oo4 81. .6ev3
9uNT1 ezS no1 uem o. sI3IN .Iss
- A.uo1 svqA 1no 1ull4s 9.uod
mlQ xznq pus elddo4 n 6sq4 xeAs
Hspuuo3 3seuoq 40 9.ussV eq u 3na
dsAHosfps q. dn SuNId 81 AoIleJ lsq9o
~ usVA q3uz 70 sIBq eq4 uMop 3el "a
"A ssmpsuios p1Bq sIN .Q3sd Ao1Isu
'p1sq s2Tq
r4osq s,v4-Sunzsmooq 81 4usm
s3s ssg Y 'l5oIods on speeu eoueI
.s9spus9sqns 9ouuso uoI 1uO3emoi
1uIqaou Asa le33sa 'e3o9s eQ3
3sn14slp 70 Aopsqs . $50 tTIA 3sQl
I'M sW n 1uIqa<n 1ss a.uod 'ussVl
6 w sou. esnoq eq3 Iou '3usme4s3s
II \ MIA nolRafand ON any oYs0nd aur
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-07-06

Sweets IasteaA Of wsAalas Cake.
In place Of wedding cake IN Hol-
land wedding sweets are eiven-''bruid-
zuikers." they are called. They are
handed round BY children and are
Ssrved IN Aower-ttimmed baskets, .
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-07-06

vEMe1 Y D-pHsq ~ n
GseX sso0l 3el ueqM 1o11e4 AIoq Q ana
y-Fonnoo spun 3ds4 ueqM 4ue8s In31s
NOD S-k9pfa4oele e4N q SuIspzeApY
'k9loNqnd sseulshq 20 M u1epom
m u 1e9dsqo ss1U eg1 ue44IzA IIuo ssq
fmII aol NV (le4 s.uoA sp1oA 0oo ana
seusiasdxs 70 sSuIqcse4 eq4 sss essqL
pee1 eq II.uo6 pus
Ss1HsSeupuq pus elqlsues ca '3uuuJ eq
~ ~ Auop 4uq 'eSzlp 9 susqo 4.uoQ
'uox1s otSuv end uomp
tpsuoWysy plo Asp 1leAe 'ulsld-qsHs
n IsslxM 'uoHsouEpe s.oNqud eq4 10Y
IA 7tesxno3 ssseld o. eqlxA 4uou
3snSEp sp1oosId '4oeHe -
@Dq 1o34seS 'xerrs ps eq4 " ssosJ
! eq3 20 p1so usmloeds 9 e4Tl yoot
lAusuissr31eApW zno6 dn sse1p 9,uoQ
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-07-06
Dullness Beset. Dullnes..

Do you tell us, o candidate for the
custom of the community, that you can't
Afford 70 advertise because your business
Is dull? Listenl It is dull because you
don't advertise, and you don't advertise
because 1t Is dull, 80 the vacant circle is
complete. We tell you. if yon are doing
III, to advertise that you may do well,
and, II you are doing we'll, to advertise
that you may do better.-Prentice
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-07-06

Definition Of Trade.
Just q little ad. line
Just at columns foot
w. and 9. .. d.
BusyI We should tootl!
Tho Kingb Jss1ea
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14
where's Your Dead spOts

Most people have doubted their eyes
when at some conjuring performance
they have seen man run needles and
pins through both cheeks, evinciag nc
pain as he does so. In reality every per-
son has hundreds of senseless specks OF
skin all over his body through which he
could run pins, or even cut them out,
without feeling any pain. If some one
else were to do 80 when he was blind
folded, he would not be even aware OF
the fact. Physicians call them dead
spots, and the reason that one man can
sew his cheeks up while another could
not is simply because the former hap
pens to have many hundreds OF these
spots in one place
These dead spots are caused by the
minute nerves which convey every SEN
sation to the brain being either absent
in these particular places or dead and
senseless. But should any one OF our
readers allow himself to be blindfolded,
and then get one of his friends to prod
him very gently with clean needle,
say all on one arm, out of every hun
dred pricks he will feel only about 90
or 70 at the most
In the other cases the needle will
have touched dead spots. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14

lit isn't getting your diploma that's
the worst of it, +" said new fedged M
D. "It's where to hang out your shin
gle. A doctors got to bear two things
in mind in deciding that-he mustn t
choose place that already has physi-
clans enough, and, above all, he must
not settle in a healthy place-one of
those towns, don't you know, where
nobody dies except Of old age OF course
doctor doesn't want people to die
that's almost as bad as to have them
never sick-but he does want them to
be sick enough to keep him going.
"Now, the way friend of mine did
was this: He took the train out through
central New York and he stopped off
at pretty much every place he came to
till he found what he wanted It was a
pretty place to look at but it lay low
along a river He noticed as they APP
preached it lots of marsh lands, and he
said to himself, 'There'll be malaria
here anyhow and probably typhoid
And, sure enough, though he's only
been there three years, he already has
a paying practice. New York Com
mercial Advertiser.
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14
ehocAs From Rive Wires.

eft is q singular fact, :" said an cleo
trician of this city, that the human
body is capable of becoming more or
less Injured to shocks from live wires. i
suppose the average scientist would
scout the idea, but what say is borne
out by everyday experience The en-
ployees of big electric light works, for
instance, are continually receiving
shocks that would disable an ordinary
man, but are apparently none the worse
for the experience
81 remember some time ago couple
of young fellows came in contact acct
dentally with live wire at mannfac-
tory here in town, and both received
exactly the same current. One Of them
was helper around a dynamo and had
met with mishaps of that sort before
He was knocked off his feet and mo-
mentarily stunned, but was all right in
less than two minutes. The other man,
who was a stranger, fell over as if
struck by lightning, and it was fully
half an hour before he showed the least
signs of returning consciousness. He
was laid up for several days and, oddly
enough, was much the more powerful
physically of the pair.
81 have known several cases Of prac-
tically the same sort. The motormen
on the street cars frequently get the
current, as they call it, especially in
rainy weather, when wet wood becomes
conductor. They tell me they don t
mind it much after the first few times -
New Orleans Times Democrat.
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14

venient. 1t is considered quite an art.
First two little tassels Of red cotton
are prepared, withaa blue head on each
and long end hanging loose. Then the
child's ear is pinched till it is numb,
when needle is run through and the
thread after it till the tassel hangs over
the lobe, where it is secured. OF course
the child often makes considerable OBJ
lection to the operation and then If
there is kitten anywhere near its ears
are often pierced to encourage the hu-
man victim. This accounts for the fre-
quence of cats with holes and Sits in
their ears in the Celestial empire.
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14

found a handsomely designed and rich
~ upholstered state chair. This was
dornedwithtthe. French9 imperial arms,
eagle and Louis Nspoleon's monogram,
and beneath it was musical box which
played when the cushion was sat upon.
It is supposed that the throne-for
such it is believed to have benin the
event of success attending the French
army was to have been used by the en-
peror at Berlin after the capture of the
German metropolis. Pate however,
spoiled the imperial plans, hence the
sudden and precipitate fight of the Gus
todians Of the chair. The widow of the
hotel keeper few years later sent it to
England, where it eventually found a
purchaser. STRAY Stories
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14

have been palmer. Don Simon Pese'
terc was suddenly touched in the heao
A conviction that would have grown
had they seen him, when alone. WnlI
out the paper again and quickly ap-
proach the light.
mo-" said he, II was not mistaken
1t really is the numbers, 555-tha,
has won the capital prize. Frasquita
has now two hundred thousand francs
Two hundred thousand francs! Think
of it!''
| And he promenaded feverishly
back and forth. rejecting upon the
means of appropriating this fortune
without danger to himself. He found
but one, but that seemed to him good
and he descended next morning to the
shop, stiTl ehcerfully smiling and rub
bling his hands.
.Frasquita, all alone. was polishing
| the razors. Oh
my child" said Don Simon sweetlv
| sit thee beside me here and let us talk
I little. 1t is now six years that thou
4 hast served me faithfully, with zeal
and fidelity. I have doubtless at times
appeared to you little harsh, little
brusQue, but it was only to try thee.
To-day it is over, the time of expert
ments ended"
"It has been little long, think,
hazarded Frasquita.
Perhaps; but as it is over, We'll
| l. h ~ Ao
have been able during all these six
years to fully appreciate thy excellent
qualities. Thou art young; l. on my
side, am sixty-five, possess eight thou
sand francs in solid money, a sunny,
we'll situated and well-established
shop, as thou knowest thyself. Fras-
quita, and wish thee for wife,
"Will you give me week to re-
fect?" said she
Eight days? So be it. But on one
condition; during this week thou wilt
speak of it to no one; am afraid to
have thee Influenced, and I wish thee
to take counsel only of myself"
agreed" said Frasquita.
The young girl had promised to see
no one for a week, but she had not
promised not to write. She wrote,
therefore, to Jose, who responded SIM
ply. true to his principles:
"Let myself be borne by events,
Frasquita.''
Then my faith, she said eyes" In a
few days, by force of gold judiciously
expended, all the formalities were COM
piled with and the marriage took place.
by the way, my DEAR" said he,
carelessly to his new-made bride, chat
lottery ticket of thine, No. 5,555, be-
lieve. What hast thou done with it?"
Ozone with it?" returned Frasquita.
''Nothing. didn't buy it, and never
intended to; it was only a pretext.
wanted the twenty francs to spend at
the Talavera fete."
What? Thou didst not buy it.:
Thou little liar! Thou little thief!
Cheat! Trickster!"
But really the details of that horrible
scene had best be PASSED in silence.
Don Simon raved. stormed, and
swore and finally fell in a fit of apo
plexy, irons which, as he was the only
barber in Talavera, and unable to
bleed himself, he was a corpse in less
time than we can tell it.
Jose, informed of the tragedy, quietly
returned from the front as soon as
Erasuuita's mourning was finished, and
with equal tranquility and freedom
from establishment, and still borne
by events" entered, into possession Of
Don Simon's wife, shop and fortune.
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14

/ ia 0eeRly Storyette.r


sieur,. Said she; i nav, snt neeG
Of It,"
Twenty francs, thou little spend
thrift-thou idle bag of bones! And,
pray, what for?"
Because, monsieur, because-of a
iream I've had.
"Eh? A dream? Madre de Dios!
And what in common has thy dream
with a sixty-real piece?"
This, monsieur; dreamnt that
he winning number in the coming lot
cry, week from Shrove Tuesday. was
1858. and / want to purchase it."
The old scamp shrugged his Shout
aers But as he owed her full ten
months wages, he grumblingly yielded,
and Frasquita bore away her shining
louis as joyously as if she had pock-
eted 100000 francs all in lump.
She was gayer still next morning:
and when the annual Talavera fete ar
.ived-for which, though, she had but
a single days leave of absence-she
amused herself like a mad thing.
danced like dervish, gorged herself
with bunneloes fried in oil, roasted
cbestnuts and valence filberts, and
positively burned three candles before
The statue of st. Roque-the most IL
lustrlous saint in the country-ln ordeE
to obtain the boon of Jose's prompt re-
turn and the accomplishment OF her
own secret hopes.
thiS-if hnnn three
years now that Jose Bomba had guard
ed the frontier of the North-the ru-
NOR SUDDENLY spread through the burg
that Simon Pesetero was going mad
a statement. as you will see, that did
not rest upon solid basis. At Tala-
vera they concerned themselves only
with politics. Don Simon and two or
three other stubborn heads like him
self were no exceptions to the fiery
stay-at-homes.
Well, one night the barber, who
SQUARED back in his armchair. his spec
tacles on his nose and legs extended
communicated to his audience the de-
tails of the last pronuniciamento, stop
ped suddenly and became very pale.
Eli? What's up, Simon? What's
the matter now?" demanded his aston
ished colleagues.
Simon recovered himself quickly.
Nothing, nothing" said he; I'm
Only tired reading Besides. there's
nothing else interesting.
He got up, stretched himself lazily,
took a turn or two in the shop; then,
perceiving Frasquita, as usual taking
the air on the outer step, he went to
the door and said to her in the softest
tones of his wheezy voice:
my little Frasquita, thou shouldst
come in and go to bed. The air Is
fresh and I fear that thou shalt take
cc1d.''
Everyone was open-mouthed. In the
memory of man no one had ever heard
old Pesetero speak thus to an inferior.
Frasquita herself was so thunderstruck,
SO scared. that she believed he Knocked
her. and she started hastily to her
chamber. She had scarcely reached
the stairs, however. when again Don
Simon called to her;
"And I've been thinking Frasquita
mia said he, Eat thy age one has
need of plenty of good sleep. Hence
forth, little one, do not get up till five
o'clock. It will suffice if thou art be-
low here by six.
Whereupon Frasquita fed and Don
Simon carefully folded and put in his
pocket the paper he had kept in his
hand, signifying thus to the guitar
PLAYER and his friends that he prefer
red to be alone. They took the mint
and departed. looking blankly at each
other. To. them uotbing could posi- bly,
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14
THE LOTTERY TICKET.

Caramba! no, he had never despair
ed of winning in the lottery, though
he had never possessed ticket. His
luck was so great, you see, for Jose
BOmba was member Of that large
and fiourishing family of cheerful OPP
timists. Assistant in the barber shop
of Don Simon Pesetero, in the good
city of Talavera, he passed his life
caressing dreams Of improbable for
tune and allowing himself to drift in
differently in the train of existence,
but nevertheless In the firm convic-
ton that he would one day be happy.
rich in the company of his beloved
Frasquita.
1t is useless to add that neither he
nor Frasquita had a single marevedi
between them to swell the common
fund. Both were simple employees In
the house of Don Simon, who was the
greatest miser that the earth ever car
ried, and whilst Jose assisted in the
extraction of teeth and attended the
patron when he went into the city to
bleed a patient, Frasquita shaved and
scented the clients and curled them
with her little hot tongs.
Each received two hundred francs a
year, were cherished besides, and daily
sustained themselves by square Of
white bread, two sardines, and a half
a dozen tomatoes, washed down with
water at discretion.
The day, even, when Jose was forced
to depart as a soldier-conscrlpted, un-
fortunately-his tranquil mein was
still unaltered. Frasquita wept like
thunder shower. but he consoled her
after his fashion.
LET come what may. FrasQuita
mai" said he, Il have the certainty
that we shall one day enjoy happiness
together. True, l do not know how,
but what matters that Do not yield
to chagrin, but leave myself to be
borne by events. There is certainly
someone in the heavens more powerful
than we. Of what use is it, then, to
give ourselves worry? If our efforts
correspond with His views, our as
sistance will simply quicken success.
If, on the contrary, they are in oppo-
sition to His projects. be certain that
they will serve us nothing. Leave all
hen, to the good God; have confidence
and keep thy heart
And, still with smile, Jose en-
oraced Frasquita warmly and departed
or four years service in the carabin-
rs of the Third.
The young girl luckily profted by
he comfortable philosophy. l repeat
luckily, because that old skinfint, her
patron, seemed to make it his special
business to render her life as hard as
possible
At first, through avarice, he did not
'eplace Jose, but sought~to make FTas-
quita pull the teeth of her sex and to
practice bleeding on the arms of her
contemporaries. But she was really so
unskiHed and AWKWARD that Don ST.
mon, for the sake of his pocket, was
creed to do it himself. Then, in re-
verge, he heaped her with insults, re-
breaches and cavillings. Frasquita
al med herself with patience, and only
when his back was turned "wagged her
thumbs" over her rosy little ears,
Well, it went on in this way for
icing, long while, till one morning
Frasquita came running in great haste
to find the Don and to ask an advance
on her wages.
Twenty francs, if; yc- .. mon
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14

is sold by all druggists on guarantee,
first bottle benefits or money back.
Book on heart and nerves sent Tree.
Or. Miles Medical Company, EIkhart, Ind.
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14
Throne That Was Never Called For.

Throne That Was Never Called For.
On the eve of the Franco German
war when the Emperor Louis Napoleon
entered upon the conflict which ended
80 disastrously to himself and his coun-
trymen, couple of strangers appeared
at German town. They brought with
them large packing case, which on
their arrival was carried to a hotel.
Here the unknown visitors remained
some time and eventually disappeared
without paying their bill which
amounted to considerable sum.
The landlord, whose curiosity had Of
ten been aroused with reference to the
possible contents of the case, at last de-
termined. to oDen it and on doing 80
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14

Every Chinese woman has her ears
pierced In fact the custom is nearly
as important as the binding of the feet
When the child is year old, the oper-
alton may be performed as soon as con-
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14
Skin Diseases.

For the speedy and permanent cure Of
letter, salt rheum and eczema, Cham
berlain's Eye and Skin Ointment is
without an equal. 1t relieves the itch.
ing and smarting almost instantly and
its continued use effects permanent
cure. It also cures itch, BARRIERS itch,
scald head, sore nipples, itching piles.
chapped hands, chronic sore eyes and
granulated lids.
DR.. Cady's Condition Powders for
horses are the best tonic, blood purifier
and vermifuge. Price. % cents. Sold by
Morris tribune., 1899-10-14
The Rest Authority.

Hottie Harry is man always to be
trusted He has never deceived me.
Clara-But how do you know thatf
Hettie-Know it, Why, he told me
90 himself only last evening Boston
Transcript.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1899-01-14
OUTPUT OF THE KLoNDIKE.

No one will ever know exactly how
much gold was taken from the Klon-
dixie fields the past season. Since the En-
gllsh government imposed a royalty, the
miners have adopted all sorts OF ruBes
TO evade the law. II Is rather difficult
to dodge taxes, but It Ia more difficult TO
dodge bad cold and the grip at this
time OF year. When the system Is weak
ened by such attacks, and the blood be-
comes thin and impoverished, the best
medicine TO take Ia HostetterB Stomach
Bltters. This remedy builds up the Bys-
tenn. Besides regulating digestion, II
overcomes constipation. II is good for
the kidneys and liver, too, stimulating
these organs into the proper performance
Of their functions. Nothing 10 80 good
for malaria.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1899-01-14
AN AsToRIAN ABROAD


Yesterdays oregonian contained The
following personal:
Mr.. @. wlngate. formerly a prom.ncn,
capitalist OF Astoria. but now OF Port.
land and San Francisco. returned from
Astoria yesterday. and viii leave for san
Francisco today.
Il Is said that this former Astoria
friend now has his pockets well llnsd
with cash and dresses 10 kill. A timely
Tip" from a department Official. {, is
rumored. has enabled him 20 swing some
big timber deals on the coasts OF
Oregon and Washington. The only other
Historian abroad" who rivals him IN
the glory Of his outfit Is Mr.. Hammond.
who Is now enjoying the delights Of the
Waldorf-Astoria in New York Il Is r..
ported that Mr.. Hammond's elaborate
daily evening toilets and brilliant d.
amond studs almost disguise the plain.
quiet businessman who was wont 90
"iOsh" the Irving Club.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1899-01-14
IN oLDEN TIMES.

People overlooked the importance OF per.
manenuy beneficial effects and were satis-
fed with transient action: but now that
Il Is generally known that Syrup OF FIGS
viii permanently overcome habltual con-
stipation. well informed people will not
buy other la1iilves. which act Tor a time.
but finally injure the system Buy The
genuine, made by the California Fig
Syrup Co.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1899-01-14
HOTEL ARRIVALS.

Parker House-L. c. Jameson, Mrs
Smith Portland; G. A. Meyers. sar
Francisco; Sergeant Charles T, Wilson
Corporal w. Il. Reynolds, Alfred Lab.
hard, Fort Candy; John E. seibert, Fort
Stevens; Harry Merriam. Crogan, In.
Occldont--C. II. Baker, Milwaukee, Wis.
+. c. Hazeman l.. Samuel. c. II. Glelm
Miss II. A. Coulter, w. @, Martin. II. II
Loller, Portland; Louis Bcarnard, San
Fra nclsco
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1899-01-14
Latest
and Best.

* The Greatest Lille lnSur,
3 ancc Company 10 the NOrlt
IS lormulOtcS n new policy Sc
s cured by over 1910, ,OOO,0 ,0OC
& OF assets.
3 The lowest premium rates
3 consistent with safety.
8 Liberal loans TO the Ia
6 Surcd, the annual amounts
8 beloa set forth In the
3 policy,
3 Option for extended term
s Insurance.
Is Automatic poid.up inSur-
g once without exchange OF
policy II YOU cannot con-
tinue the insurance.
Cash surrender values stat
cd iu the policy,
Onc months grace In pay
mcOt OF prrmlumS,
An agent can do more bust.
ness Tor the Mutual Lille ln-
Surante Company 1t New
lOrk than TOT any other
Company
Write for Information to
AN pUSEN, Resident Agent,
Aeturiu Urrnnn
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1899-01-14
NOTICE.

Property owners take notice that at
tho regular meeting OF tho Common
Council to be held on Thursday, Feb. O.
1892 warrants will bo ordered placed In
tho hands OF tho Chief Of Police for tho
collections OF assessments remaining
unpaid on tho assessments for tho i'm
provomcnt OF Commercial and 2Srd streots
and on Young's Bay Improvement.
BY order Of
THE COMMON COUNCIL.
Attest;--H, 10. NELSON,
Auditor and Police Judge.
Astoria. oregon, Jan. II, 1900.