The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1899-04-19
How to Win a Man.

Many wife complains that her hus-
band does not take her about, that
she only sees him at meals, or that he
makes friendships in which she has
no part. She blames him for neglect
ing her, and thinks herself i'll used.
Yet he is only following the natural
instinct Of humanity in seeking for
sympathetic friendship; the fault real
ly is hers. If her conversation does
not interest him sufficiently to hold
him, she should study him and the
subjects that he cares for, and try to
live to his standard. She has once
had his love and sympathy; if she has
not kept it, it is she who is to blame
for not striving to care for the things
which occupy and interest him.
A man to be won and kept, must
first be attracted, and then made to
feel that he has found a sympathy
which draws him out, and makes him
talk about what interests him most.
It is not enough to make him listen
while he is being talked to. For a
time that will keep him. but he will
tire Of always being a listener, Of al
ways giving his sympathy and receiv-
ing none. To hold man, a woman
must understand and study him; she
must not be exacting, for to expect too
much only makes him feel that he
wants to give less. She must realize
that men are almost always selfish, in
eradically Sc, not from any innate de-
pravity Of their sex, but merely from
the modern conditions of life which
have nodded them.
A man usually goes out into the
world young, he leads separate exis-
tencc at an age when his sister is still
surrounded by her home circle. When
his work is done, if he has any, he has
only to think, "What shall ! do to-
day that will give me the most pleas
ure?9 That men act more and more
on this principle is shown in the way
they now treat their ordinary social
engagements the way they will break
one when another more attractive Of
fers itself, and will not decide until
the last moment whether or not they
will go to such and such party. Can
any one wonder that many years of in
diligence in this, coupled with larger
command of money than their sisters,
should make them more selfish, should
end by fixing the habit Of thinking OF
their own pleasure SO firmly in their
minds thati is practically ineradica-
Bile ? 1t may be overpoWered for a
time by strong affection, and all the
counter influences Of courtship and
early matrimony. But later, when
these have ceased to be novelties. and
man settles down to regular mar
ried life, the old selfish habit of years
reasserts itself. and his wife is in
clined to blame him for changing to-
ward her.
This is unjust, for he is no more to
be blamed for the habits which have
been acquired from his circumstances
and environments than he is to be held
responsible for those qualities which
he inherits from his progenitors. 1t
is better for the woman who lives
with him, and whose happiness is
bound up with his own, to recognize
this fact, and, in studying his tenden-
cies, to take her measures accordingly.
A woman, on the contrary, is train
ed in different school. When her
brother is out in the world earning his
living, or, at any rate, leading sepa-
rate existence, she is usually at home
with other members Of the household,
whom she has always to consider when
any plans or engagements, however
trivial, have to be made. She, though
she rarely realizes it, can only think,
"What can ne do to-day which will
interest OF amuse us?' She cannot
60 about much alone, and often her
means are too limited to allow Of much
Independent action. Having thus to
defer to the wishes of her relations,
she is duly trained in habits Of yield
ing to others and Of unselGshly giving
up her will and pleasure to them.
Thus he in his bachelor days is duly
trained to sel6shness, she, in her spin
sterhood, is equally brought up to un-
selfshness. The sooner a woman
recognizes this fundamental difference
between the acquired natures Of her
self and men the more likely is she to
be attractive to them, and the better
chances she will have of lasting hap