The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1899-12-12

'Ah, said the doctor, cable car, EVIL
IDENTIFY"
mo-" replied the ambulance man.
Football. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"I started at the bottom and climbed
up" said the old gentleman.
.tRut it's much better tobogganing,"
returned the spendthrift son.-Chicago
Post.
Mrs. Elder-I suppose your constitution
pulled you through?
The Convalescent-I suppose it did,
ma am, though from the doctors bill
you'd think he did it all'-Puck.
Success observed the famous pugilist
comes all at once"
ut certainly doesn't come by degrees"
replied the scholar, but with no trace Of
bitterness.--Detroit Journal.
Eyes, there wasn't much variety, but
we had three square meals day.
what did you have?'
soda crackers.'-Chicago Record.
"vat, you eff holdings fer dot moosc?"
said the collector for little German
band.
mot a cent"
"Den We blay some more, 'aln'd it"'
The football craze affects us all;
| Most every man and Jack;
And even in the sky tonight
The moons a quarterback.
Brooklyn Life.
| ooh, what tangled web we weave.
When first We practice to deceive.
| And ere we get expert perhaps,
| Our memories begin to lapse.
| Indianapolis Journal.
'Poor thing." exclaimed one young wo-
| man at the theater. '"That girl is beauti-
| full. but she is very deaf"
"How do you know"
| "She has sat all through this French
| farce without blushing once. "-Washing-
ton Star.
| IT tell you, Roany" said the Bay Mare.
"them automobiles are all right in their
way, but there aren't any high-steepers
among EN- like you and me-
| mo" said the Roam Horse, sadly
chats just 1t. They're all high rollers in
| stead, and that's what makes EN- popu-
| lar."-Harper's Bazaar.
A few days ago a recruit was taken to
be sworn in by a magistrate. Everything
was going on swimmingly till the magis-
trate asked the man the following queS-
! ton:
| "HaYe you ever been in PRISON.
AT this the man looked startled, but
quickly recovering himself, he blurted
| out:
mo, sir: have never been in Jail; but
] don't mind doing a few days if you
think it necessary. "-Tlt-Bits.
Patrolman Hoolihan--Did yez see the
| ,;,,l,t ~Io,
| Patrolman Flanigan-Divil a bit. Did
yerself see them?
Patrolman Hoolihan-'Tis 7 that did
Moriarity. who works the bate across
from me, knocked down two " thin
spechulty artists wild his club jist after
the show lit out.
| Characterization history does repeat
ise1f, doesn't It?
| Yeast-What now?
'Why, in our town we had piano CON
cert the other night and the artists name
was Professor Gridley. When the man.
ager was ready to start the show he
7 shouted: You may bang away when
ready Gridley.' "-Yonkers Statesman.
| at Is so cruel" said the woman who
had just got home from tho matinee. "to
force a girl to accept q, man she does moi
love as her husband"
| flS1L, rSJOlneu Mr. BlyKlnS
'Monopolize all the sympathy. Don't 70,
feel sorry minute for the worried faith
er when he looks over what the womel
folks are trying to ring in on the famil,
as a son-in-law. That's one of the tras
edies of life which don't count. Wash
ington Star
Manager-Guess we better engage tina
fellow.
Assistant-Is he clever?
Manager-Yes: he comes out as an aero
bat and stands on his head until he II
black in the face.
Assistant-Back in the face? w
don't
Manager-Hold on! Then he stands or
his feet and plays a black-face comedian
No expense for burnt cork for him.-Chi
cago News.
As she paused for breath he reached
for his hat and started for the door.
"Where are you going7" she asked.
IT am going to telegraph for Marconi,
he replied land tell him that after he ha
perfected his wireless telegraphy there i
another field Of much the same nature TO
him to invade"
what Is t." she demanded.
81 want him to devote his intellect I,
, the invention of a voiceless curtain lee
ture.'-Chicago Post.
EEH ne