The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-09-09
The lightning Rod
Man Falls from Grace

1t amt very oftin, Mr.. Editur. that the
undersigned gets over cum by the heet ov
intuXicatn bevrldpos, so to speck, but on
my way home last weak spend Sunday
with my famley | met sheep in VOLTS
clothing * maid a spccktakil ov myself.
The COAX iz on me, but when it teeches
a morel | never spare myself. Behold
the saCkrefise!
Last Saterday / got ON the trane at
Stroudsburg., ! hadn't bin i'm the smokin
car 10 minits be a minister Cor at leest
he loOkt like u SOt down beside me. Well
line materially ov a iOVial dispOsishun,
so when 1 cut off Il Chaw oV tobacko 1
myself | intorrigated my seet-matc and
askt him if he chawd lie repide In the
aHermatiV IL he Certny dun so. I've
workt on a canal bote 4 I've seen sum
good chewcrs but / must say without
Ncepshun he eat more tobacko at ! tmc
than eny man | ever see. AZ cVry luvcr
OY the SCOthin weed nO2c there aint nutn-
in manufactured, unless it's wine that
loosens a mans tung Ike tobacko.
Well that chew uv tobaCko broke the
konNersashural ice, mctafOrikally speek-
in, q We both fell in2 konvcrsashun.
| told him / waZ a litcnng rod agt. 4,
with a smile he transferd hiz watch >
hi2 other pocket. Ole waz a master
hand at iOkin)
He then Civ me the infermashun that
he waz tTavlin sailsman a wine house
in New York.
Well LIST he told a story or = then [
follOwd SCOT until finely he opend hiz
grip * brawt out sum samples ov wine.
When we list startid Sampel the wine
we wood each take a drink after evry
story, then We got > stoppin in the middcl
OV a story take a drink, x be I | new
it, almost. We waz both lafiin be the
point OV the story waz in site.
BY the time we reocht kiddersVillc it
woodnt be far from the trooth . remark
that we waZ in hilareus condishun. |
askt my friend get off & spend Sunday
with me q he dun 50. As it waz early
i'm the evening | dcsided We had not bet
ter go home until the famloy had retired
SO we went the tavern while away a
few ours.
AbOwt midnite We sailed ith > seek my
domisile. Now between YOU x / Kid-
derSvillc aint "A very large town, in fackt
the pOpulashun IL less than 300 soles. but
I never saw "A town change so I'm awi my
life. The last time | waZ home | didn't
liy more than 3 blOX from the tavern
but lie Just make a little book at ~ tu
that if weed had cyklomiter on it wood
hav rcgistord IS miles be I found my
house. with Just indignaShun | maid M
my mind that tide tell my wife what I
thaWt oy her. i'm the morning, ( mooVin
my house awl over the county without
giving me cny warning. 1t waz cnuf
make cny man mad cum home the
boozem ov his famley d tinG the boozem
~ miles away.
We sot down on the peyazza rcmoov
our Shoes (aZ mad az was | didn't think
il was rite wake my better - up al
o'clock in the a. M
] opend the dorc az quietly az possabcl
& struck a match show my friend the
lay ov the land. When rhe match went
out | held the , pair Ov Shoes i'm my rite
hand & steddied my friend with the lett
When we reoCht the lst landing / left 20
ov my trends arm get a better holt
on the Shoes. 1t waz a fatel moove.
Crashety! Slap, Bang!! Bang.!!.
lie tumheld down II steps
"Are you ded?" SEE |, skart p deth.
Never tutcht me-" replide my friend,
& he busSed out in the lOwdest peel ov
latter | ever herd,
Sees that spontaneous frivolity or We
are lost" sez /.
/ gatherd him up & got him bed in
the spair room. Then ! went ? the bath
room take a bath.
| hadn't bin in the tub mints when
my wife opend the dore & lookt me
square In the T.
"Alonzo." sed she i'm a camm & coll
leckted vols, "you are intoxicatid; you
shood he ashamed ov yourself"
waz stung the quick
MADAM" / replide, 81 deny the false
imputashun"
what are you doing?" she continude,
paying no attenshun my rath.
~ fcmail pOscst Ov OrdineTy intCligcnts
wood rcdly persceve that / waz in the
act Ov taking a BATH seq l. i'm very
sarkastick & Withering tone.
perhaps your bath wood due you lust
az mutch good if you wood take off your
.bn a,
camm. irritating tone ov vols.
BY the Crate Horn spoon! She told the
trooth!! had failed 2 REMOVE my Meth
er garments.!
waz mad cleer threw & what man
woOdnt be IN "A like situashun?
Mistakes happen In the best ov fam
leys, a man IL libel 2 due most enythng