davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE.
STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE
FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS.

In the Good Old Times Wants to he
Pettcd-A Sage. Rehec lion-As Fate
Would Have TN More Credit
Avoiding TroubIe-Easy For Him. Etc.
Old times are gone forever, and they can
not come again;
But if you have level head this will not
give you pain.
AS in the elevator you go whizzing through
the air,
Remember, in tho days gone by, YOU
plodded up the stair.
Old times are gone forever-don't bewail
the fact with gloom
Just touch electric buttons and illuminate
the room;
And when the girl at the telephone your
lordly mandate mocks,
Remember, in the days gone by, you'd walk
dozen blocks.
Chicago Record.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

The appointment of w. c. Hayes as
Locomotive Superintendent OF the
Baltimore and Ohio Railroad will be
followed by distinct change in the
plan of overseeing locomotives in ser.
vice. The positions of Supervisors of
engines and trains" have been abolish
ed and travelling engineers substitute
ed, who will report to the new official
at Mt. Clare, Baltimore. The road has
been divided into the following sub
divisions and a travelling engineer ap-
pointed for each: Philadelphia to
Washington; Baltimore to Brunswick;
Brunswick to Cumberland; Cumber-
land to Grafton; Grafton to Benwood
and Parkersburg; Pittsburg to Cum
berland and Wheeling; Wheeling to
Sandusky and branches; Chicago to
Akron. The plan is expected to pro-
duce economical results with an i'm
proved service.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Longing For the Impossible,

A woman on the North Side OBJ.
served the deep melancholy of her
housemaid and wondered what was
the matter. She feared that the
poor girl had been crossed in love.
One day, when the maid was particu-
larly sad, the mistress lost patience
and wanted to known what was the
matter.
"Oh, ma'am" exclaimed the girl,
bursting into tears, "I'm that un-
happy; I've been to see fortune tell
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Mr. Schmidt's Musical Heart.

One of the most peculiar cases oi
heart disease ever observed in medi-
cal circles is that of Andre Schmidt,
aged thirty-six, n musician, residing
in Cincinnati. His is case of such
rare and interesting phases as to make
him q much-sought-for lecture.room
subject, and he has, according to his
own calculation. furnished material
for clinical lectures in the local medi.
cal colleges and hospitals at least
twenty-five times.
Schmidt is violinist of ability, he
having enjoyed considerable ability as
an artist before having been disabled
by his present trouble, which is
known as "musical heart" most
peculiar condition, in which the heart,
instead of beating with the regularity
of normal organ, pulsates four or
five times in rapid rhythmic success.
sion, emitting harmonious sound
not unlike that produced by the dis
tant movement of ball in bowling
alley, the rumbling OF the moving ball
and the quick succeeding beats of the
falling pins all becoming vividly por-
trayed.
A most interesting feature in con.
nectiou with his case is the accelerat-
ed action and seemingly sympathetic
movement Of the heart, while its power
is deeply absorbed in rendering his
favorite selections, the harmony and
rhythm of the heart not being more
pronounced. Whatever may be the
outcome of his condition. it is one of
exceedingly great interest. .-Cleve.
land Plain Dealer.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

"There they gol There they gor'
he cried, throwing down his news.
paper.
"What's the matter now?" some
one asked.
"Why, here's Chicago doctor who
has an invention which shows when O
child is overworked.
''But you're not child"
"Of course not, but can't you see
that it's only question of time when
civil service commissions will succeed
in working some such scheme as that
into the. public service, and then a
man might just as we'll he tied up
with private corporation I might
just as well resign my job with the
county. "-ChicaGo Post.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Germany has now on the active list
IN her navy two Admirals, three vice
Admirals and IA Rear Admirals. The
total number of officers above the
rank of cadet is 7S4. Twelve royal
personages hold honorary rank.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

"Why is that woman scowling at
you?"
'That's my sister"
"But why should she scowl at you?"
"Well, you see, she's very near
sighted, and as there's something ia.
miliar about my face she fancies it
must be her husbands. ."-Clevelaad
Plain Dealer.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Quizzer-"So he shuts his eyes to
his wifss temper fits, does he?"
Guyer-"Yes, she's deaf and dumb,
and talks on her hands, you know. -
Pearson's Weekly.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Avoiding Trouble.

'Don't you ever take nap in the
daytime?"
"No; it's too much trouble to get
awake more than once day."-Chi-
cago Record.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Kate-"What a humbug you are,
Fred! The idea of your posing as q
hero of the war, when you never had
anything to do with it.
Fred-"That's just it, Kate. I
wanted to so to the seat of war aw-
fully, but I conquered my desire and
stayed at home. Wasn't that heroic,
I'd like to ?"-Boston Tran
script.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Tommy" said the teacher, sis
there any difference between the
words sufficient and 'enough?'"
"Yes'm," replied the youngster.
"'Sufficient' is when mother thinks
have eaten enough pie, and enough
is when L think J. have eaten suffi.
cient. Troy Times.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Probably the most interesting pur-
chaser of the reprint of the Encyelo-
pedia Britannica is Chief Dinizulu,
son and successor of; Cetewayo, the
formidable King OF Zululand. fhe
chief has lately been released from
ST. Helena, and is disposed to accept
civilization and make tho best OF it.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Beauty Is Blood Deem.

Clean blood means a clean skin. No
beauty without it. Cascarets, Candy Cathar-
tic clean your blood and keep it clean, by
purities from the body. Begin to-day to
Danish pirnples,. boils, blotches, blackheads,
and that sickly bilious complexion by taking
ts,-beauty for ten cents. All drug.
glsts, satisfaction guaranteed, lOc, 25c, soc.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Do Your Feet Ache and Burn ?

Shake into your shoes Aliens Foot-Ease,
a powder for the feet 1t makes Tight or
New Shoes feel Easy. Cures Corns, Bum
ions, Swollen, Hot, Callous. Aching and
Sweating Feet. Sold by all Druggists,
Grocers and Shoe Stores, 25c Sample sent
FREE. Address Allen S. Olmsted, Leroy,
N Y
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Inferiority OF Nature.

Visitor lat art store e)-"Here is q
family group, now, that illustrates
what I was talking about q moment
ago. The figures are correctly enough
drawn, but SO utterly stiff and un.
natural that I cant imagine where the
artist got his idea"
Dealer-"My dear young lady, that
is not a painting. 1t is colored
photograph = from life. - Chica2 q
Tribune.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

"Where is that girl who was out
lecturing on There Is No Death?'"
can undertaken proposed to her
and she married him." - Chicago
Record.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

The Sweet Young Thing-"I love to
read of those dear. daring explorers in
the Arctic, but should think scaling
icebergs all the time would become
monotonous.
The Savage Bachelor Of the
time they were scaling fish. Indian
apolis Journal.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Making His Mark.

"Hello, Swardie! 1 haven't met
you since you came to the city and
set up for doctor. How are you
getting along? Are you making your
mark?"
"Er-yes. I'm doing considerable
vaccinating. Chicago Tribune.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Mrs. Spendall-"Y look worried.
Is it because you are SO deeply in
debt?"
Mr.. Spendall (gloomily)-"No. It's
because can't get any deeper"
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

"Mamma, if had hat before Ihad
this one, it's all right to say that's the
hat 1 had had, isn't it?"
Certainly, Johnnie"
"And if that hat once had hole in
it and had it mended I could ssy it
had had hole in it, couldn't I?''
eyes, there would be nothing in
correct in that"
"Then it'd be good English to say
that the hat had had had hole in
it, wouldn't it?"-Boston Journal.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

General John B. Gordon has made
considerable money as lecturer in the
past year or so. He intends to invest
a good share of it in a sheep-raising
venture on his Georgia plantation.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

She "John, the Joblots' new
house is much larger than ours"
He-"Yes, my dear; SO is their
mortgage. ."-Tit-Bits.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

In Germany one man in 213 goes
to college; in Scotland, one in $40; in
the United States. one in 1000, and in
England, one in 5000.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

, ii. II. GREEN'S Sons, of Atlanta. Ga, are
the only successful Drnnsy Specialists in the
world; See their liberal offer in advertise
ment in another column of this paper.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

"They say she leads him q dogs
life."
"a dogs life; well, I wish some-
body would pamper me like that. -
Detroit Free Press.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

wasted figures of nine
tenths of our women,
every one of whom may
receive the invaluable ad-
vice of Mrs. Pinkham,
without charge, by writing
to her at Lynn, Mass.
Miss LULA EVANS, of
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

XT TOMEN assaed at every turn by troubles peculiar
wv their Every mysterious ache or pain is a
symptom These distressing, sensations will keep
coming unless properly treated
The history neglect written in the faces and
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

In his younger days Lyman j. Gage,
Secretary of the Treasury, was an
athlete and could lift a thousand
nnllnde
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Don't Tobacco Spit and Smoke Your Life Away.

To quit tobacco easily and forever, be mag.
netic, full OF life, nerve and vsor, take No-To.
Bac, the wonder-worlser that makes weak men
strong. All druggists, 50c or 81. Cure guaran-
tced. Booklet and sample free. Address
Sterling Remedy Co, Chicago or New York.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Rear Admiral Kautz is almost as
great smoker as was General Grant,
and is rarely seen without a pipe in
his mouth
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Fits permanently cured. No fits OF nervous
ness after first days use of DR. Kline's Great
Nerve Restorer. 81 trial hottie and treatise
Tree. Dr.R.H H.kLINE. Ltd. 03l Arch ST. .Phila Pa
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Mrs. Booker 7. Washington is her
husbands most efficient helper in the
management of the Tuskegee Insti-
tute. She is graduate of Fiske Uni
Versity.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Scotland was visited on May Day by
heavy snowstorm, which caused the
death of many sheep and lambs.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

No-To- Bao for Fifty Cents.
Guaranteed tobacco habit cure, makes weak
men strong. blood pure. Soc, 81. An drugsists
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
Educate

Educate Your Bowclo With Cascarets.
Candy Cathartic, cure constipation forever.
i0c, 25c. II 9. G. fail, druggists refund money.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Piso's Cure for Consumption Is an A No. l
Asthma medicine w .R.WILLIAMs, Antioch,
Ills, April II, 1885,
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

General Nelson A. Miles is very fond
of rowing and is a skillful hand at an
oar.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

The deepest ocean sounding on rec
ord was recently made by the British
ship Penguin during a cruise In the
Pacific. A depth of 4.762 fathoms, or
about five miles, was found between
Auckland r0d the Tongan archipelago.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

]. C. Simpson, Marquess, W. Va, says:
Halls Catarrh Cure cured me of a very bad
case OF catarrh." Druggists sell it, 75c.
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
To Cure A Cold in One Dav.
BoNBoNs OF ANCIENT ORIGIN.

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets All
Druggists refund money If it fails to cure 80
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12
aslI IEi;; j; II;;;;II;:IyFEgp 3

Hoods Pill, liver ills the nen.irritating and
only cathartic to take with Hood's sarsapariIIa,
Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-06-12

Parkersburg, Iowa, writes c
"DEAR MRS. PINKHAM-
for nearly three years. I
leucorrh9a, heart trouble,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-01
PERIL OF A FIREMAN.
Ifiraculously Escapes Death From
Fire and Flood.

Roseburg, Ore, Feb. 2S.-The south
bound passenger train on the Southern
Pacific was wrecked early this morning
near Nichols Station. in Cow Creek can
yon. The high water brought down a
huge drift, which carried away the track
The train reached the break at $50, AMI
the engine plunged down into the gap left
by the washout. As The engine rolled
over Engineer White climbed out Of TIE
cab window end escaped ulun jured, ex-
cent for a strained back and a lew
bruises Fireman NJ. Deyaney was pinned
between the ire DON AMI DRIFT III logs
and held by the right foot. Everything
possible was done 20 res sua BIN. bur Sluw
progress IVES ma j until the ire was eX-
tinguishsd by letting ne water run In.o
the fire box. Wet hlalS - were hung up
10 protect ghe fireman from he steam as
much as possible Az times the water
r,oured OYER him from the Hume which
PASSED under the track. Ks day were On
he was sn great LANCER from the rIpidly
rising water, and Il was apparent that
il not s0yr released he wcu.d GROWN his
head was Kept out OF Natel b, l:tn Srap,t-
ing IN the stream no, ling him UP. AT orc
time the O. ~ cha ace 10 save ! III from.
death seemed to be to cut off his leg. For
t,:nateiy, however, the wrecking train ar
lived in time to prevent this. The brave
fellow was in this perilous position six
hours, and bore his sufferlngs heroically.
Upon examination his injuries are less
serious than az first supposed. His left
leg is scalded above the knee and his right
ankle and foot are sprained and scalded.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-01
Gods
Are gaining favor rapidly. rAzu1
Business men and travel $50 No
iers carry them in vest NzaS
pockets, ladies' carry them a = W
in purses, housekeepers keep them in medicine
closets. friends recommend them to friends. &c.

stub, licked off the sides tn hole an
theI-ehucS Went in his head. 1t we're
a close nit, fur his ole skull was bigger n
IN one dad he'd. but he got in an then
YET ouShter seen him standin' on tiptoe
yer reach tibet honey. he'd put it jest
Iur enough down so ez lie had ter
stretch fur all he wuz worth. tell yer
thar wuz wheezin an a. BLOWN in
tnet hole. The water wuz jest deep
enough to cover his head and neck, an
ne d lick honey ez long ez he could hold
onter his breath, an then he'd hefter
ralse up ter git air. When he wuz
hckln', his head an neck 'ud get soalzin
wet an then when he'd raise up ter
breathe the water 'ud soak from his
ma inter tn aidgeS NV ther hole, an
IN Jest bout three minutes tn wood
began ter swell.
Mr.. Bar wuz too wild about the
money ter notice the6. but 1 could see
the hole gettin' smaller an smaller an
creasin' first on his fur an then on the
nlde an fat Nv his neck. an then it be-
gin ter keteh him in the swaller- First
he wiggled little, then begin ter pull.
an then eff ye'd ever see the hickin' an
eIawtn' an roarin' an blowin' an chol1-
in frum that stub. The hole kept
shrinkin' tel it want no biggen'n the
bunghole ter a 1asses bar'I. Wal, <thet
choked off the BLOWN an rOarin, but
the kickin' kept right on ontfl he'd
kicked so much dirt frum the root O.
the stub tibet his hind paws were clear
o the ground an thar. eZ the judge
says, he hung by the neck tel dead
! staid up in the heTnlOck a few min
nits ter make sartin, but 1 see he wuz
gone, so 1 jest skinned down an broke
loose fur home ter tell the folks. The
house wuZ only bout a. hundred rods
away an L run in like a wild man.
Laws sakeS, son, what's the mat
ter% yells mother.
Come and see, SEE I, an out Isrun
an when the ole folks got thar stood
by the bar with the AK ready ter chop
him out
L didn't answer no questions, butt
jest chopped a. circle round Mr.. Bar s.
head an pretty quick he fell back onter
the ground with eZ purity a. wooden CO =
lar round his neck ez ye ever see Els
face looked like a picter in q round
frame. Then [ jest piuted ter the hole
an dad he looked in. Then he TUX
mother by the arm and made her look
in an they see the honey an the water, 1
an dad he says, Mother, whatever we
be ourselves, our boys got brains
wal, the ole man cudn't do enuff-
He helped me skin the bar an cut him
up an we TUX him ter town an sold
him fer enuf 50 thet got Their gun an
ammynition an dad pair o boots an
mother warmin' pan, an. besides. put
s. in mothers cracked teapot L tell
ye, boys. we kin say what We like; it
amt the hardest workin' tibet makes
money, its's brains"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-01
HANNA'S GREAT SPEECH.
Senator From Ohio Makes a Nobla
Effort.

There being an unusually large crowd
Of visitors to the gallery yesterday
Senator Hanna made a speech He
appeared in the senate chamber shortly
after II o'clock attired in neat-ftting
business suit and carrying a large bum
die of papers, says Capitol Gossip in
the Washington Post. CHANGING over
the senate to see whether there was a.
full attendance, and being satisfied with
his observation, Mr.. Hanna next at
tempted to catch the vice presidents
eye. In this he was not at first sue
cessful, but after an embarrassing wait
of several minutes, during which the
figure of the senator was quite con-
spicuous from the galleries. the vice
president uttered the expected words:
The senator from Ohio he said.
Mr.. Hanna squared himself on his
feet, grasped his bundle of papers, drew
a long breath and prepared to COM
mence. His first word was awaited
with breathless interest.
T." he said.
He uttered the personal pronoun with
q confidence that showed a long IA
miliarity with the word. There was a
perceptibIe sensation in the gallery. The
visitors evidently expected an import
ant declaration Of policy.
II report several bills" continued the
senator.
There was a sonorous ring to his
voice as he proceeded with his SEN
tence, and yet there was no attempt at
rhetorical flourish or oratOrical gesture.
The business habit of the senator was
noticeable in the short, sharp, decisive
manner in which the announcement was
made. The interest of the throngs in
the galleries, who know Mr.. Hanna'S
Importance in national affairs, grew
more intense, while the hands of the
veteran stenOgraphers began to trembie
with nervousness in the excitement of
the moment.
From the committee of PENSIONS
continued Mr.. Hanna.
This was the peroration of the speech
The sentence had been rounded out to-
perfect completeness and stood like
rhythmic line from one of Milton's SON
nets. 1t combined all the essentials Of
pure rhetorical directness in statement
of fact, an avoidance of superhuouS
words, a lack of cloying adjectives.
There was an indistinct murmur of ap-
plause in the galleries when the speech
was ended and Dir. Hanna sank back in
his seat with a flush of satisfaction
upon his cherubic face.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-01
ROW AT SACRAMENTO.
Republican Peace Conference Ended
In An Uproar.

Republican Peace Conference Ended
In An Uproar.
Sacramento. Cal, Feb 2S.-The second
conference of the Republican members
was held this evening to discuss the sem
atorial situation. 1t ended in an uproar.
Senator Shortrid-e, one of the most ear
nest of Burns supporters, made a speech
in which he called all those who refused
to go into caucus towards. Senator Da-
Wis, who is supporting Irving NJ. Scott,
replied that he Davis and his followers
were far from being towards, as their
course had shown. Senator. Cutter, a
Grant supporter, also replied to Short
ridge along the same lines as those taken
by Davis.
Assemblyman Grove L. Johnson, one of
the leaders OF the Burns forces, gave out
that Burns VIII withdraw from the fight
If all the other candidates will. This
was the sensation of the meeting. Ad-
jOurnment was taken until tomorrow af-
ternoon at o'clock, at which time third
conference will be held.
The vote for United States senator to-
day showed no change in the senatorial
deadlock: 1t was as follows: Barnes, u;
Estee, /; Bulla, 10; Burns, %; Bard, 3;
Scott, 2. Grant, %; De Vries (Dem.), 2;
Rosenfeldt Oem.). 2; White Oem.), II;
Phelan Dem.), 3.
A resolution was introduced in the as
sembly this morning calling for adjourn
ment on March II. 1t is thought that it
will be adopted. The members cease
drawing pay after March 2
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-01
YANKEE boobies BIRTHPLACE
Patriotic Women Raising Funds to
Buy Greenbush Manor House.


An option has been secured for the
purchase Of the Greenbush manor house
fort Crailo) property, and Mrs. Alan
Hartwen Strong Of New Brunswick. n.
J.. together with a number of other
patriotic women, is deeply interested in
raising funds for the purchase OF the
historic ground. It was at this manor
house that Yankee Doodle" was com
posed. and in the two centuries and a
half since its erection many events OF
historic Importance have occurred
within its walls.
The house was built in 1912. at the
order Of the first patron, Kiliaen Van
Rensselaer,. and the name of the Van
Rensselaer, family is closely connected
with its later history. The fort was
occupied successfully by the PATRONS
who followed. In 1740 an addition was
built by Colonel Johannes Van Rensse-
laer, who was then the owner. Hig
daughter married Philip Schuyler, who
became the celebrated general of the
revolution When the old manor house
passed into the possession of John Jere-
mias Van Rensselaer,. the grandson OF
the colonel, many alterations were
made. but since the death of the lat
ter's son the building has been in vari-
Gus hands.
The building was first used as a fort
for protection against the Indians. and
in I75S General James Abercrombie
made it his headquarters when on his
way to meet MontcaIm at Ticonderoga-
In 1775 the continental army held it's
cantonment in the gardens back of the
manor house Among those who have
dined in the house are included WASH
ington and Lafayette, and in the later
times Daniel Webster and many other
celebrated men.
The option on the property holds for
$4,000. An additional strip of land. pro-
viding an outlet in the rear. would cost
81 SOC. while cost of restoration and irs-
provement is estimated at $500, max
ing a total of $4,000.