Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-07-30

cheerfully. They act like people who
don't realize what thirteen children mean
when they see it written down on paper.
IL never seems 10 have occurred to them
In our correspondence that the boys
would throw rocks at the ducks. ana
tease the pigs in the pen, and worry the
sitting hens, and expect 10 ride all me
pl0w-horses on the farm. Nor do they
appear TO have foreseen that the chill
dren would naturally wish TO spend three
fOurths OF their time Ia the stable and
the other fourth in the destruction OF all
visible property on the premises.
We hold them personally responsible
because the milk we drink isn't as milky
as we imagined II would be. and because
for vegetables they only have corn. and
tomatoes and cymblins. and cabbage,
and potatoes, and Dlack-eyed peas. and
watermelons. and cantaloupes. II they'd
only vary the programme with devilled
crabs. and jellies. and consomme and
fancy pastry and ice-cream. we'd feel
thar we weren't being cheated. and that
our host and hostess weren't making a
fortune off US. According to my present
calculations. these country folks. by the
end OF the summer. will have made at
least SG.47 off us, though. Of course they
may have to spend a little for repair TO
things the children have injured.
As I've intimated 20 you. life az
Huckleberry Glen isn't a mad whirl ot
pleasure for me. 70 tcll The truth. the
programme doesn't seem to have been
arranged especially for my edihcauon.
They didn't shoot of popcrackors and
fireworks when 1 came. nor does the oiu
man appear TO take much stock IN the
advice | give him about agriculture. lie
listens respectfully and then goes about
his business Just as If j weren't on the
map. He didn't even lay off the day
I got here After driving down 20 the
depot TO meet us and landing ~ at MS
house. which. by the way, is no villa. ne
politely excused himself and went out
into the fields 10 conduct crusade
against potatobugs. II is said that these
insects have an unfortunate way ~
doing damage to crops. even though
high-toned city people may happen TO be
on the farm
While it wasn't in the contract. ana
have no actual right to demand H.
am little bit surprised that the sweaty
old aericuIturist with whom l board
doesn't take the daily papers and have
the latest magazines lying around loose
i'm his house. IL would make my sOjourn
much more agreeable and strengthen the
ties that exist between MS. In fact.
there are a thousand little things which
orr host might do even though we do
pay only $50 a week. II seems 90 me
he ought to be more enthusiastic about
my views and listen more attentNeS
when / talked politics, and seek my ADVICE
on how to run his farm. and consult me
as to the determination of tobacco
no or fnf
the man would only get eXcited-if he
would only show some symptoms OF nav
ing a nervous system.
I'D here my whole family occupies one
room. and the children alternate N
waking up. thereby enabling us TO con-
tiuually have with Us throughout the
NIGHT N least one crying baby. We knew
we had this TO undergo when we came
hut deliberately ran our heads into the
moose The contract specified only one
room. but | am surprised that the family
hasn't taken such liking TO us thdt tneE
are willing TO fix up their parlor as an
other chamber and place ~ an orr ser
vice More uuselhsh things have been
done Between meals the children have
10 90 hungry. for the old lady VINO pre-
eidss over the management Of this es-
Il nllSnmtnL ub'Tii I dNt'tAA ~ t-'---'-
extra meals served at intervals through
ONT the day would leave her safe mar
Gin of profit at $3.50 week. | can't see
why she looks at the matter in sucn IL
old-blooded business light.
What aggravates me most Of all ia that
the Commander-in-Chicf never murmurs
or kicks against the hardships TO which
she is subjected. she appears 10 think
our host is doing all for us that is re-
dured. and that we are having an eN-
cellent time. when ! kick she asks me
If / expected To find canopied pool tables
out i'm the corn-hclds and vaudeville
shows In the barn and a gilt-edged library
in the dairy. She hints. too, that the old
farmer and his wife didn't agree 10 quit
work for a month just 10 entertain me.
and that my views on the subject OF
agriculture are worth about as much as
those of a sewing machine agent. In
deed she seems to espouse the cause OF
these cold. calculating. grasping people.
As for the children they appear To be
having fun until there is no sense in it.
in fact. I'm the only person who seems
TO be imposed upon; nobody appears TO
recognize my Importance. Life has got
ten 10 be one great, big quinine p.ll with
me If YOU can't 90 any better send me
q lot Of patent-medicine almanacs 10
read. I'm up against tho counterfeit
thing. and those who love me have got
TO pull together to keep me from com
,,,fftfu, suicide.