The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-23
MARK TWAIN,S LATEST JOKEl
Chicago rimes.Hera

-
(Chicago Times-Herald.)
When the genial Shumorist first ap-
tpeared on the lecture platform many
people found him prosaic. 1T was mot
that he said IAN undisputed thing in
such a solemn way but that he said
everything SO sUlemnly that many fail
ed to discover when he was witty and
when he was taken literally. The i'm
mobile face, the drawing accent, the
shifting walk, absorbed attention to
the disadvantage of the delicate satire,
pungent fdrollerv and drastic but al
ways wholesome ridicule. These con-
tfadictiOnS of essence and style are re-
fiected in his writing. There are still
people who see more fun in Innocence
Abroad" than the custodian whom
Mark asked If Christopher Columbus
were dead. That Mark is most jocular
when he seems most serious is per
fectiy understood by only those who
travel quickest between the lines There
are good American souls who, having
read a current contribution by the sa-
tirist to periodical literature, really be-
| lieve that he is in favor. of permitting
our representatives abroad to wear the
court dress of the government to which
they are individually accredited.
@ @ @
This Interpretation of his latest joke
must flip the soul of Mark
! The one argument in favor of permit
| ting American democrats to submit to
| the atery and napery Of monarchieS
was In Rome you must do as the
Romans do" China was the most con-
sistent in enforcing this canon of an
| tiGue etiquette. Even after foreigners
were allowed within the precincts of
'.the Son of Heaven" the accredited
ambassadors of the great powers were
required to sit out all night on the cold
| paving stones leading to the vestibule
of the imperial palace, preliminary to
| admission. On entering the Presence,
| they were compelled to PROSTATE them
selves on the ground thirty times and
each time knock their heads against
| the ground nine times. This was per-
! forming the salute of honor" After all
this, they were not permitted to have
direct communication with the Son of
! Heaven, who transacted even his po-
| likeness through Wears British ambas-
sailors were the first to revolt against
1 the inflexibility of the maxim, do in
Rome as the Romans do" The thirty
| prostrations, the nine head-knocllings,
| have long since given way to the simple
bow that is the universal expression of
! personal and official courtesy. Chinese
ministers continue to transact all for
eign business of the empire but foreign
ministers are received in imperial au-
dienee without the ancient salute of
honor"
The question of court dress" is
rather musty in American annals. It
was early settled for all time that the
only fitting costume for the official rep
resentative of a, republic is "the simple
n Of ocIiy
apes of cur Representatives by demand
ing that they doff the clothes of mon
archial puppets or boudior pop,n:ays
has sometimes been proposed in down.
right seriousness by literary flunkeys or
parvenu American tramps seeking HON
orary butlerships in aristocratici houses.
But the motion has never received a
second i'm the parliamentary sense. OF
course, it never will.
Difficulties in the way are insuper-
able. If we authorize our ambassador
to the court of ST. James to don knee
brooches, a cooked hat and sword. Mr.
Choate would have to recall his mem
| orable words spoken on the occasion of
a Scottish banquet at New York, at
tended by the ViceToy of Canada, Lord
Aberdeen, who appeared in kits. IF ]
had known that Lord Aberdeen intend
ed to leave so much of his trousers at
home" said our irrepressible Joe, u
should have done the same thing" If
we conform to court dress at one court
said the other day, quoting my pres
ident," the United States was never on
such perfectly happy relations with all
the world as tits now
90 @
What our ambassadors, ministers and
consuls would come to under a gem
eral application of conformity to the
dress of the court to which they are
severally accredited may be illustrated
by a brief description of well known
styles of court dress:
Bey of Tripoli-Mantle of conch
shells; strings of small bells from ears,
lips, nose and toes; circular short
sword, with implied obligation to use
it as a collar on order by the grand
high chamberlain.
Ahkoond of Swat-Mere TIoohar
gown, decollete, sleeveless, short knee
length, toad-head bangles. dried lizard
hair ornaments, stuffed striped snake
skin anklets, necklace of snails.
RasIhi of Bazouk-Gunnybag and
drawing string.
Skat of Dahomey-Coat of mail of fe-
male skulls, disable at choice to detach
as "throWer'S" at an enemy or in play
at a friend; or to serve as blood-drink-
ing cups or relquaries for teeth of en-
envy slain in battle; pantaletsl of red
cotton. with ruffiesI of infants ears.
Catamaran of Cawnpore-Umbrella,
punkah, fan. There may be also worm
redundancies for that climate.
Corea-Hats. Pyramid of tall silk
hats for head; ecclesiastical beavers
for shoulder capes.; last century stove
,,;De shining tiles slit for neither dra-
berries; hats with holes through the
crowns for sleeves; derby hats for
epaulet effects. Luggage to consist ex-
clusvely of hat boxes. The practice of
removing hats is Forbidden at the court
of Corea in Difference to the rule of the
British house of commons in session.
South Sea Islands-A snare drum,
sticks, tallow, colored beads, all in a
simple confection.
Our "Great and Good Friend as the
language of diplomacy runs. in the
First Kingdom of South Africa-Cos-
TUNES of ostrich feathers, heron penn
pom in hair.
Mark Twain urges higher pay for
cur diplomats clothes, if court dress
be adopted, which suggests that our
economically minded politicians should
seek diplomatic posts among our new
allies, the Filipinos, and their friends,
where it will not be necessary to waste
much salary on apparel.
1-e1<r--
Good Luck and Bad.
Chicago Record.)
The belief that Friday is day of bad
luck arose from varied reasons. One
superstition is that it was on Friday
i