El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-03
PETER JOHNSON.

Wh0n ne 8pprOdCneQ hiram IarDOx Oh
Slippery Elm Center, proprietor of the
Red Front One Price Square Dealing EN-
porium, he announced that his name was
Peter Yonson. He meant johnson. "All
furriners are p'ison,' was the observation
of Eli haywood from his place on the dried
apple barrel 'but them there Scandina-
VANS are the p isonest. Look at the way
they aboose our language"
For the position of salesman Peter lack
ed experience. He meant well, but he
didn't always know. He was a tall, broad
shouldered, powerful man, and had been
accustomed to working in the Wisconsin
pineries and to dealing with oxen, logs,
canned Boston baked beans and other
large and primordial things. He tore off
calico with a jerk and crack which never
failed to etartle the customer and the first
time that he made a sale of a pound OF
dried apples instead of raking them out
with the clawed tool provided he picked up
the barrel, about two-thirds full, and
poured the required quantity into the scoop
of the scales.
His chief offense was the sale of some
cigars which, by accident, had been drop
ped by him in a coal Gil can.
Peter was extremely good Natured and
in his way humorous. He was honest,
too, but gave evidence of capacity to take
on the less upright ways of a more highly
developed race. The first time he mad
vertently left the faucet of the molasses
barrel open he acknowledged the mistake
in simple minded, guileless way. The
second time 1t happened he said, but in a
no less simple minded and guileless man.
ner: "Aye seen the cat loafing round dar.
Aye tank may be she sweech he's tail and
open the fasset."
Peter was something of a trial to Tar
box, but as he certainly attracted the de-
sired Scandinavian custom he was re-
tanned. Naturally he was a constant
source of wrath to Eli haywood, already
prejudiced against ''furriners" and others
who do not speak our beautiful mother
tongue in it's purity. Mr.. haywood had
been among the first to attempt the con-
sumption of the inflammatory cigars. His
eyebrows were considerably singed and the
coal oil flavor remained in his mouth for
several days.
Pleasantly disposed friends tried to
smooth Mr.. Jaywood's temper by suggest
ing that he go into partnership with Peter
and put that sort of cigar on the market
under the name of Ell Flor del Lamp Wick.
but the enraged citizen consigned cigar,
Peter and friends to a region where the
first named certainly could not have been
stored with impunity In a measure to
get revenge on Peter for the cigar and also
his constant abuse of English, Eli Jay
wood tried on him various jokes of q prac-
tical character, as biting him on the hack
of the head with a snow ball, tripping him
up with a wire, depositing carpet tacks in
his bed and other such little delicate atten-
tions. Peters temper remained unruffied
under these examples of Jaywoodian hu-
NOR, simply remarking in his ''furrin"
way that he thought dat NIeester Yay
wood bees one funny man."
One night after closing his store Tarbox
met Mr.. haywood in the postoffice. Some
burglaries had been committed in the vii
lage and Tarbox was having Peter sleep in
the store at night as precautionary meas
ure His bed, a simple cot, was in the
rear, behind the wheelbarrows and ready
made clothing, beside large pile of flour
in paper sacks and underneath the stock
of scythes hanging above like swords of
Damocles. At the meeting in the postof-
fee, national questions having been dis
posed of, Mr.. haywood said:
''See year, Tarbox, wot you got that
there jig snoozled Swede sleeping in yer
store ferP"
IT reckoned burglars might get snoop-
ing round" answered Tarbox.