davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
4 LIT b N NsEgsE.

t6#
# 9 pretty girl does1i' t know how "a
spell correctly sic never ought to allow
herself to get engaged to q young man
who lives in another town.. -Somerville
Journal.
"Our church choir has been having
another fight, and about half Of them
have fallen out. g And now / suppose
there'l e,anotl Her call for volunteers.' =
Philadelphia Bulletin.
sympathetic Friend Your health
appears tosshaYek improved greatly Of
late. " Conyalescentt Yes. I've been
of among strangers who didn' t eternal
" talk to me- about it. M Y. Weekly
Customer''AIy dear sir, your mar.
bles, bisques and bronzes are not well
selected You have only standing pos.
lures" Jeweler- Certainly, sir. My
figures never liz. jewelers. Weekly.
when I see some men," he said
thoughtfully, II am prepared to believe
that we are actually descended from
monkeys, and that in certain cases il
has been considerable Of DESCENT
Chicago Post. S.
II notice that q Chicago Judge has de.
cided that a department store has a
right to sell meat" ''Next thing, I sup
pose, he'll hand down decision to the
effect that butcher can sell shoe
strings" Cleveland Plain Dealer.
~a New Reporter-'Don't you think
we'll get into trouble if I speak OF
Boodler as political thief?' Editor
mo; let it go. If he kicks we can say
that it read Chief and the composito1
made the Observation-Disclosures Rec.
ord. ..,, ..-.&,..
Customer lat shirt counter)-"Here'.
shirt I bought of you the other day
It's too small for me. I, tore it trying
to put it on" Salesman-"That's too
bad; but you've spoiled it, so we can't
take it back. I'll tell you what you can
do, though. Go over to the drug de.
partment and you can get small bottle
of anti-fat for ten cents" - Chicago
Tribune. -
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

what ridiculous names they have over
there in the Philippines said the man who
assured by the clerk that he could.have the
best room in the hotel. There's CaIumpit,
for instance. That name would make
horse laugh. Who ever heard of anything
so absurd as to give town such postmark
as that"
Then he took the pen that the clerk had
been holding out toward him and wrote
upon the register:
~. Crawford, woonsocket, r. y-Cm-
cago Evening News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

Hey, you fellows up there!'' no con.
tinued, once more Mailing the queer
looking crew, "parlez vous Francois?
Isay, don't you know, your own Ian
guage?'' .z.5 III
Still no answer, and what was worse,
the heads began to disappear from the
rail, one after another, as If not caring
to notice us further. 81 IN
"Well, that is COOL" said Ben; s'but
I'm going aboard of her, whether they
want me or not. This thing must be
cleared up-so here goes!" fsi{ !
He clambered up the ships side and
looked over, then quickly ducked his
head and came down faster than he had
gone up. + IN 49, f.2 .}.sszsss7 /
The next moment q monstrous white
bear sprang upon the bulwarks, hold
ing in one of his big paws the boat
steerer's cap, just missing the wearer's
head. ''' '''-'.'.''.'[ .s ~
"Bears!" cried Ben; ''the deck is alive
with them, and they are the fellows
that have been looking at us. There
isn't a man aboard of her. Why, that
old chap up there wasn't three feet
from me as looked over. He's got my
cap, and he just grazed my scalp with a
sweep of his paw: He struck out like
lightning." .,-''.. .'.. vt -, a..
Two other bears followed the first,
evidently excited by what had taken
place, and now there was an ominous
growing. We drew back hurriedly.
Ben, however, would have tried his
harpoon,. had we not restrained him
from the dangerous act.> The white
monsters were too many for us, and we
could only return to camp as speedily
as possible. ..t49 o., ~,
Our shipmates were greatly excited
by our story, and all hands presently
set out with us for the scene of our ad-
venture. AS we reached the spot not
an animal was visible, but we had hard
~ mounted the bulwarks when per-
feet stream of big, scrambling paws
came pouring out of the main hatchway
and tumbling over the opposite side of
the ship, There were 13 of4them-four
more than we had bargained for-but
our superior force appeared to terrify
oAASAA' o0A MAY OAOOh hlA1cO Ouc VI CQS
largest; but all the others escaped, and
we were glad to see themgo. *
An examination of the French whaler
showed that the bears, as our men re-
marked, had been Giving high" They
had torn off the main hatch, which per-
haps had not been fastened down, and
having once got into the hold, had
worked with tooth and claw upon the
barrelssof provisions which they found
there, till the contents were arrived at.
To our great Joy, we discovered that
the vessel, which at first must have
been solidly frozen in, was now almost
afloat. She had, as we found from her
papers, been abandoned eight months
previous, yet she seemed perfectly
tight. The ice continued to break up,
and fortnight later she was in open
water.
Being once more in possession of a
good ship, with nearly full cargo of
oil, we made sail out of the Arctic, ar
irving in due time at San Francisco,
where we had good reason to be satis-
fled with the award of the marine
court, which allowed us generous
amount of salvage. But think we had
very fairly earned it.-Golden DAYS.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

signs OF Intellect.

whats the reason you're so careless
in dress of late, and why do you never
wear your hair in that pretty style I
who likes to spend his evenings Ut
home. E
II am preparing lecture" replied
the wife, ION The Dawn of Aesthetic
Life Detroit Free Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Evidence of Ability.

sand so you think Horrocks is .
man of more than. ordinary intelli-
gence? What has led you to form such
an opinion of him?' 49,, J - + :. 2 U j., ,
T.. i'..As was on my way home yesterday
I saw a horse that had baked in the
middle Of the street and a crowd had
gathered around. Horrocks was the
only person present who had no scheme
to suggest for making the animal
move.' Chicago Evening News. Il =
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
ssEsne.,'

A pretty young girl of Duchesne
was caught in a Sabbath-day resna.
Her hat was a mess,
And she cried in distress:
NOW wouldn't that give you a pesne!".
Her tears her plump cheeklets did stesne
TIL her fellow said: Darling, refresne!
:. I'll buy you another,
- Much nicer than t'other!"
And that made her happy agesne.
Denver Post. =.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Two Men,

Paterfamilias (furiously) - You
scoundrel; why did you elope with my
daughter? -...- ,.a.
New Son-in-Law-To avoid the In
siderable fuss and nonsense of 30
ciety wedding.
Paterfamilias (beaming) - Thank
Heaven, my daughter got sensible
husband, anyhow.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Getting Even with Him,

Pooh!"he said, scornfully, speaking
II his rival, zone of his ancestors used
to be in the employ of mine"
Yes" sweetly replied the object Of
tho alteration of both. II have often
heard him say he wondered whether
you had sufficient interest in your an
:estor's honor to pay the back wages
still due as result of that service -
Chicago Post. >s.- =,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Their Names,

Col. Corkright-What do you call
that span of mules you traded for the
other day, Uncle Slewfoot?
Uncle Slewfoot-Sin an Misery, sab.
It's sin to whip 'em all de time, an it's
a misery to drive 'em widout, sah.-
Judge.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Wifely.

If costly gowns and bonnets nice
Engage my wife's desirous eye,
She ne'er solicits my advice,
Nor takes me out with her to buy.
But when an inexpensive hat,
Or frugal suit, need to don,
She goes with me, to make sure that
shall not be imposed upon!
Harlem Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Next Thing IN IL

He-Oh, by the way, the doctor adj
vised me to eat water cracker before
going to bed; said it would prevent my
insomnia. Are there any in the house?
She-The only thing in the house sp-
preaching water cracker is the ice
pick.-Indianapolis Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
All Alike to Him.

Tonsorial Artist am using a new
kind of shaving soap. Most of the gen.
tlemen that get shaved here say it's the
best I've ever had.
Customer-Well,t that's merely mat
ter of taste.-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

The Vicar Sunday morning)-My
good man, don't you hear those beau
tiful bells calling you to worship your
Creator?
Hodge What dye say, sur?
Vicar-Don't you hear those beauti-
full bells calling you to worship your
Maker ON this beautiful morning?
Hodge-Can't hear a bit what you be-
a sayin' of, sur, COS of them darned
bells maxim such a row.-St. Paul's.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Had Him,

-: Facetious Guest-I can tell from your
looks that you believe in Spiritualism.
Am righte
: Solemn Waiter-Well, I do have some
faith in Observation-Disclosures
Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
A silver Lining.

Consoling Friend Ito weeping young
widow)-This is a terrible tafliction,
but it might have been much worse. ~
Widow-Yes; the loss is covered by
insurance.-N. Y. World. IT,. -.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Genuine Appreciation,

Maggie Ito her stepfather, who is
very popular with the children)- 1
wish you had been here when our papa
was alive. You would have liked each
other SO much Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
inst Like a Woman.

The real happy wife, so "they" tell US,
And it's true, what "they say" we SUI
pose,
Is the one whose husband is jealous
OF all other men whom she knows.
Il. A. w. Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Again.

Now is the season Of distress,
When weary mortals here below
Look upward in dismay and guess
How high the mercury will go.
Washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Pleasant for Both.

He preparing to leave)-I assure
you, Miss Sweet, the time has passed
away very pleasantly this evening.
She (abstractedly)-Yes, it is pleas
ant to know that it is past.-Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Run totEarth.

!. Bearded LADY, see they arrested
the tattooed man. 49, FGs 50 ef.5 =
The Lion Tamer-:Yes; the police ac-
cused him Of harboring designs on him
self.-N. Y. World. #s,s. go
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
A veritable Jewel,

Bingo-How do you like your new
cook?
Kingley-First-rate! My wife says
she never was better treated.-Towr
Topics.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
No Dancer of Exceaa.

Doctor-It is little difficult to dag
nose your case. Perhaps you have been
eating too much.
Patient-Impossible. This hotel is
run on the European plan.-N. Y.
Weekly,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Roses and ThOrns

Think of the first spring blossom:
Salute it oft in rhyme, -
Fen though the first mosquito
1 Must follow it In time.
Washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

Traveler-I'm afraid, Mr.. Station
master, that I will not live until the
next train comes!
Stationmaster-Oh,d don't be discour-
aged. You are young yet.-Fiegendc
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
A New Name for 1

Witness-Do you mean to insinuate
that am lying?
Lawyer-Oh, no! You are simply
making a business statement.-Town
Topics. ,.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Floral Tributes.

Man oft loves flowers over well.
And, being short Of pelf,
He throws-the fact he'd never tell
Big bouquets at himself.
Chicago Record
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Where He Drew the Line,

Handout Harry-Hain't yer never
done no work, Teddy?
Tiepass Teddy-Well, I hev worked
fer booze when couldn't get it no I'D
der way, but I never worked fer Wit
tles.-N. Y. Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
:; Z DonbfiY Y Commitment = 81

First PoliticianzThey seem to have
your man between the devil and the
deep sea-. s:-.ss.ss q; 81 r. s.:.
Second Politician Well, I'll bet my
last dollar they don't make him take
water! Indianapolis Journal. q:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
The Green-Eyed ,ao.ster.

Mrs. Church-What lovely and ex.
spensive hat Mrs. Gay has on!
Mrs. Pughe-I wonder how many
oaths 1t cost her husband.-Brookly
Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
The Lovely Shirt w

The Lovely Shirt Waist.
love it, I love it, and who shall dare
To chide me for loving that shirt waist
there?
1t may not be pretty. I'm free to admit,
But nothing my love wears is cheaper
than 1t.
CHICAGO Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
The Summer Girl

| I've found her most engaging girl,
| AS you will quite agree,
For she's promised to marry Tom, Dick and
| Harry,
| James, John and Jonas and me.
Il. A. w. Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Hts PIrncfica1 +Helpn,at "a

Poet-At last I have sold q poem.
Wife Pm bIads to hear It, love. The
spsing days are growing warm, and
now you will be able to afford q hair.
cut.-,Jutlge. .ss5
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

1 Over 1000 years ago the cat was .
domestic animal
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

Old Lady, suppose, poor man, that you
have Jared badly because of hard times.
Weary Walker-Yes, mum. So MANY peo-
pie bein' out o work makes an awful conn
petition fer US fellers ter struggle agin.-
Philadelphia Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
TeleXraphy

o~Hs
Across the board she looks at me-
My soul responds obediently;
She is my wife, and with her eye
She tells me there is no more pie.
Detroit Free Press
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

II am sure now, you consider me a
humbug."
Really, professor, I shall begin to.
believe in your science, for find you
can discover chaps thoughts by his
bumps. ALLY Sloper.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Didn't Know Them All.

DlUn't NHO" IHem All.
Teacher-Tommy, what are the four
winds?
Tommy-There is the senate, the
house, the prize fighters-an' I don't
know the other one.-Indianapolis
Journal 5ss-$ = ---s $ttGae z@aS&SJF ~ '>stIl% :
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
On the SAFE side

/ Unto the pure all things are pure:
So some expounders claim;
] But still It's always well to boil
/. The water. just the same.
/ Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

All EsXC0llcUG CONFEDERATION
The pleasant method and beneficial
effects of the well known remedv,
SYRUP or FIss, manufactured by the
CALIFORNIA Ere SYRUP Co.. illustrate
the value of obtaining the liquid laxs-
tive principles of plants known to be
incidentally laxative and presenting
them In the form most refreshing to the
taste and acceptable to the system Il
is the one perfect strengthening Iaxa-
tive, cleansing the system effectual1y,
dispeIliug colds, headsches and fevers
gently yet promptly and enabling one
to overcome habitual constipation per-
manently. Its perfect freedom from
every Objectionable quality and sub
stance, and its acting ON the kidneys,
liver and bowels, without weakening
Or irritating them, make It the ideal
laxative.
In the process of manufacturing figs
are used, as they are pleasant to the
taste, but the medicinal qualities of the
remedy are obtained from SIENNA and
other aromatic plants by method
known to the CALIFORNIA Ere SYRUP
Co. only. In order to get its beneficial
effects and to avoid limitations, please
remember the full name of the Company
printed on the front OF every package
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP Co
sAN IRANCIsCo. cAI~
IOU1svILLK. II. NEW YonK. MT
q -fYY - ~
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
Anvthinr to F..c.ne II,

The boy stood on the burning deck,
They tried to calm him down,
But he said he'd rather roast out there
Than stand the dust in town.
Chicago Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

There are some things in this world that
cannot be done, and it is simply the part of
wisdom to stop trying to do them--Boston
Waterman
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
HAD BEEN TO THE CIRCUS.

Mother-Why, what's the matter,
Johnnie? rtre II. II .Erg7s. -.
Johnnie Sister won't stan agin' de
board an let me frow knives aroun' her.
Boo-hoo-hoo.-Ph Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09
LONG TIME BETWEEN TRAINS,

Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-09

clamatiOn. az,
"Hurrah!" he cried; 'what's this
Boys, we've found her! We're all right
now! Here she is, right before our
noses. Ship ahoy!" he continued; hail
ing the fog-covered vessel; take us
aboard, for heavens sake-we're in dis
tress.'
A surly fellow put his head over the
rail, but said nothing. Then another
and another head appeared, until there
were nine in all; but although we were
so near them, they had such strange,
dim, supernatural look, as they peered
down at us through the fog, that we had
Interpretations feeling, as if. at
last we had found the "Flying Dutch
mani"
The fellows looked as if they had
bonnets on, and every head was an ex-
act likeness of every other. They stared
down upon us without saying word,
as if wondering what sort of beings we
were that had come out of the fog. -:
II tell you we're in Distress persist
ed the boat-steerer. S'''We're ship
wrecked and starving Lost everything
in the ice. There's lot more of us-29
in all. Let. us get aboard, won't you?"'
Not a word came in reply nothing
but that stupid, silent stare. ~
'What can they mean ?''queried Ben;
"they can't be Yankees; no American
would act in such way as this; it's
barbarous - they must be a pack of
fools. Hold on, though Il guess we can
make out what craft this is 4 II see.' ~
He passed around to the stern, looked
up and spelled out !. "Languedoc-
Havre." She was q French ship, at all
events-the name told us that much.
Eyes, these chaps are French said
Ben, "and they can't understand Eng
ish; but then they might say so;ne.-
thing to US in their own lingo, anyhow.
9. 8 ~ I
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-07-27
swARMTNG INTO MARYsvALE
Dozen Cripple Creek Men Landed
There In a Week.

From Clayton Gennett, a prominent
business man and mining operator of
Marysvale, who came up from the
south yesterday, il is learned that Col
orado people are focking in there by
the score, and for several days past
saddle horses and other means of con-
veyance have been at a premium.
During the past week something like
dozen men from Cripple Creek have
arrived there and scattered out into
different parts of the district. What the
occasion for the rush is Mr.. Gennett
says he does not know, though it IS
likely that recent reports concerning
the Wedge and other gold properties
down there has been the means of at
tracing the attention of Colorado gold
hunters. That some of the newcomers
intend to spend some time in the dis
trict was amply evidenced.
Mr. Gennett reports a small force a
the Wedge, and says a good showing Is
being made.
The South Wedge, recently incorpor-
ated, is now making preparations 10
keep things humming at that most
promising property.
The Herald company. with property
in Cumberland gulch, has just perfect
ed its organization, and during the next
day or two its stock will be ready to
issue.
ANY amount of prospecting is being
done. locations are daily on the in
crease, and from all Indications the
Marysvale section is on the eve of a
Veritable boom.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-07-27
HAVE GOOD ORE.
Diamonds Good Promisers" All
Showing Well.
Especial Correspondence.

y
Diamond, July 25.-In the face of the
intensely hot weather work is pro-
crossing finely on a number of big
''promisers" in this locality, and news
may go out any day of very pleasing
character. This refers particularly to
the Showers and Blue Bird as in-town
products, and the Shoebridge- Bonanza
and Tesora, lying on the outskirts.
While the Blue Bird people may be
obliged TO temporarily suspend opera
tions briefly in order to accommodate
pump service, it will be but for few
hours, as the big plant was equipped
with all necessary requirements in adj
vance, anticipating the flow of water
which not actually being excessive, is
gradually getting beyond bucket ca
pacity. The Showers folks are cross
cutting and will perhaps drift some on
the vein at the 800. 1t is, of course, gen.
orally known that they can send out
ore If they so desire. The reported
strike of a four-foot body of ore in the
Tesora is most likely true in every
particular, as the Independent shaft of
the same company, which is now being
cleared of water, had a big copper ore
showing before being abandoned on ac-
count of the water. The Shoebridge-
Bonanza company are more than liable
TO surprise people on the outside most
any time, though the announcement of
having disclosed a big ore body would
not be credulously accepted here.