The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1899-06-29
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accidentally? He-Yes; | fell in with
him while skating .-Yonkers States
man.
The maid-I'll be a sister TO you. The
man-Not much! I've just got enough
collar buttons for myself-New York
Evening journal.
you married me for my money"
what of II? You married me for my
beauty" well, both securities have
deprecated. Life.
The sister, have become engaged
TO Fred. The Observation-Disclosures in
duced you TO do that? The sister-Why,
Fred. OF course!-Judga.
Miss Fondart-Jack, what do they
mean when they speak of II first water
diamond? Jack-One that's never been
soaked.--Jeweler's Weekly.
Visiting Engllshman-HOw do you ac-
count for this policy of expansion! Mr..
Starzenstripes-W Well. you see. we got
hot. Heat always expands.-Life.
She-In this story 1t refers to empty
bottles as dead men" That's absurd.
He-Where's the absurdty? She-Well,
dead men tell no tales; empty bottles
do.-Moonshine.
ITS depressing, Isn't It, to find
feathers sticking to your Thanksgiving
turkeyY well. It certainly does make
one feel down In the mouth. "-Phlla-
delphla Bulletin.
"Who Is the smartest boy in your
class, BobbyY asked his uncle. I'D
Ike 10 tell you" answered Bobby,
modestly, only papa says must not
boast. Harper's Baza..
Graduate-Now that have my med
Zeal diploma, professor, where would
you advise me 10 practice for wealth
Professor-In any tirst-class health re-
sort.-Detroit Free Press.
Tall one (angrily) Don't dare TO CON
tradict me again, sir; don't you know
that | could eat you II | chose? Short
one-Ah. but l should disagree with
you even more, then.-Ally Sloper.
Senator Depew-At this point, Mr..
President, l am reminded of an anec-
dote-- Several other Senators Mr..
President, | move lie have leave TO
print the anecdote.-Chcago Tribune.
Mrs. Jlmlet-Harold writes from col
lege that he's larnin' TO fence. Farmer
Jlmlet-Good enough! Ill let him
string more'n half mile o barb wire
fence as soon as he gifts hum. Judge.
LADY, wish to get a birthday pres
ent for my husband. Shop-walker-
How long have you been married, mad
anne? Lady-Ten years. Shop-walker
Bargain counter TO the right, mad
ame.-Boston Traveller.
Captain Ito young cadet just arrived
on board)-Well, youngster, the old
story, l snppose-the fool of the fam
lily sent TO sea. Young cadet-Oh, no,
sir. That's all been altered since your
day.-Melbourne Times.
Bridget, what Is that child crying SO
wildly for?' Sure, mum, he's Just
drinked all his soothin syrup and ate
nils him. unless it's the bottle he wants
to swallowr-Tlt-Bits.
a." said the orator, "am an Ameri-
ran of the good old stock, rooted deep
In the soil" 'The only stock | ever
heard of that rooted deep In the soil, "
said the farmer In the audience, was
hogs. "-Indlanapolls Journal.
Blobbs-What nonsense It is for
newspapers, In their accounts of we'd
dngs, TO describe the brides being led
TO the altar! Slobbs-How SO? Blobbs
Why, most OF the girls could find
their way In the dark.-Tit-Bl
Jones-Dear mel You say you often
lay down the law to your wife; how do
you go about it7 Bones-Why, all you
need is firmness. ! usually go into my
study, lock the door, and do 1t over the
transom; all you need Is firmness-
the door.-Puck.
What did Colonel Stilwell say about
the branded peaches we sent TO cheer
his eonyalesceneeY "He said he was
afraid he wasn't strong enough to eat
the fruit" replied the little girl, but
that he appreciated the spirit in which
1t was sent."-Exchange.
Farmer oatley (readlng from news
paper TO his wlfe)-"It is estimated
that the recent dinner given by Mrs.
Bunderblank was served at cost of al
least ten dollars a plate" What must
the ylctuals have cost? Mrs. 0atley-
Lands sake, Joshua! And such folks
always has n different plate for every
thing they eat.-Harlem Life.
Boatswain ito newly Joined CADET
Come, my little man, you mustn't cry
on board of one of her matesty's ships
OF war. Did your mother cry when
you left? Cadet-Yes. sir. Boatswaln
Silly old womanl And did your sister
cry? Cadet-Yes, sir. Boatswain-
Stupid little thing! And did your faith
err cry? Cadet-No, sir. Boatswain-
Ard 'earted old beggarl-Punch.
Counsel-What Is your age, madam
Witness Fortyseyen, sir. Counsel
Married or single? Wltness-Slngle.
never had an offer of marriage In my
life, and II 1t Is OF any interest to the
court don't mind saying that l have
worn false hair for nearly thirty years
Counsel That Is all, madam
There Is no use in trying to shake the
direct testimony Of SO truthful WON
an as you are.-Exchange.
The other day the police made raid
on betting club. and after taking the
names of the men they found there told
them to appear at the court the next
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