The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-10-08
Chickens at church,

Chickens at churchi
Quite likely it is an old, Worn-out SLAM
der that the colored people of the South
religiously attend prayer meetings on
moonless nights and steal chickens on
the way home At least it can be said
that the charge will not lie against the
coIored people of the North. But a friend
of mine comes forward with a story so
fraught with humor and the possibilities
of a comedy of errors that I cannot re-
frain from printing it in the newspapers.
AS coming from his lips 1t sounds bet
ter, so I will relate the stirring episode
in his own choice vernacular.
You see," he said, Il don't often go
to church nowadays. 1t is wrong, know,
to refrain from doing so, but am very
busy man week days and on Sundays
feel that the time should be given up
to calm meditation and reflections on the
possibility of doing somebody up in a
business way during the coming week. A
few Sundays ago. however, was induced
by a friend to attend divine services at a
we'll known church in st. Paul, which is
supported by a colored congregation. The
evening was fine, a calm, dark night
without a breeze and well adapted to
drawing out the full strength Of a
church's congregation.
''Wen, We went to church. 1t was an
edince familiar to many in st. Paul. The
music was good, and as the preacher
warmed up to his subject 1 became aware
Of the fact that it was impressive. There
was an earnestness about 1t that touched
me. And I am not frequently touched.
That is, for any large amounts. The
torments of the damned were painted in
graphic colors, and, the fact Is. 1 began
to feel a trife squeamtsh myself as the
hosts of Satan were marshaled before
my eyes in all the Humorous eloquence
Of the preacher. The sin Of theft was
particularly dwelt upon, and the energy
with which the divine proclaimed his de-
nunciation of the crime made me feel
about my person to ascertain If had
anybody's property concealed in my
clothes. The impenitent thief on the
cross was contrasted sharply with the
contrfte maIefactor who suffered cruel
fiNion at the same time, and each one IN
the audience was earnestly eXhorted to
come forward and confess any little pee
adiIlto which, in moment of inadverten-
CIV they might have committed in the line
OF thievery
cat this juncture there were audible
A3bs heard in the southeast corner Of
the auditorium. Then loud Amen
broke out on the audience in tones as
rotund as the voice Of a base ball UNI
pire. The impression gained among the
audience that some one was about to
confess to q great diamond robbery or
the theft Of a fat roll from some unsus-
pectlng bank president. But our thoughts
were soon diverted into another channel
From the northwest corner Of the church
came the merry cackle of a female hen,
soon followed by the full-throated crow
of an adult rooster Of the buff Cochin
breed. with enough feathers on his yell
low legs to stuff an aesthetic pillow Of
the most commodious dimensions.
"Then a couple of chickens got mixed
up in a fight, and one Of them flew up
into the pulpit and batted the gold-bound
4 spectacles from the eyes Of the minister
A Spitz dog that had lain peacefully
asleep during the earlier portion Of the
sermon got after another luckless chick
en- and chased it up into the chancel,
down the aisle, and out into the storm
shed, where one of the ushers grabbed
the bird and made a bluff at wringing
its neck.
" Doan' do datY exclaimed a voice in
the vicinity of the first chicken excite
ment, OATS my property. It's my own
hen dat I done paid for. had a sack
full of chickens an de sacks done ex-
pIoded right in de middle oh de sermont!
CHANGING in the direction of the voice
saw a rather feshy colored woman
standing on the pew seat, and shaking
a large, but exceedingly empty sack at
the audience.
1" Dis is what had UNI in she ex-
claimed. 4 bought UNI. duzzen OBJ UNI.
on my way to church. I done got a re-
ceipt in my pocket for de mummy, TO dol
lars Pears to me it looks like I stole
dem chickens, but I 'clar ter goodness
I'd no idee dey would cut up cranky in
dis mannah. Doan' you dar wiring dat
chucken's neck, young man, or I'll have
yer in de police cote IN de mawnin'.' "