The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1899-04-19
HUMoR OF THE DAY.


"He tells mo that he is welded to
his business" ''Yes;-his wife runs
a millinery store. Puck.
Bramble-"Is you brother still
physician on that ocean liner2" Tkorne
NO, he got seasick and threw up
his job"
Poet-"All I need is an opening,
sir" Editor-"What is the matter
with the one you just came through?"
Brooklyn Life.
Summer maid? Her origin?
Well, that is largely matter OF doubt,
Possibly she was some mermaid once.
And the syllables got changed about.
d etroit Journal.
"They say all the making was
on her part" $50 I've heard. But
then he supplied the money, you
know. philadelphia North Ameri.
can.
Park Policeman-''Don't you see
that sign, madam? No dogs allowed
at large?" Lady-"Oh, yes; but my
dog is so very small. New York
Journal.
Buttons" "Missus told me to come
down and tell you she was not at
home" Hufcut-"Go back aud tell
your mistress 1 say L haven't called"
Melbourne Weekly Times.
wish all the money I've foolishly spent
Would return and my pocket-book store;
What JOY ard delight l should know as
went
To foolishly spend it once morel
Puck.
Watts-"I understand the Chinese
are tie most lightly taxed people on
earth" Potts-"You needn't worry
about that. We shall probably civilizs
them before long - Indianapolis
Journal.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-'Isnt it
strange thing, John, that hen can't
crow!" Mr.. Crimsonbeak-"Well, 1
take notice that hen does all the
growing that's done in this house!"-
Yonkers Statesman.
81 understand that your friend is
itting up his room in strictly artis-
tic manner" 81 guess it must be So"
replied the heavy young man. Every
time l sit on piece of furniture il
goes to pieces. Washington Star.
'Do yo1 buy condensed milk,
madame" 81 presume that we must
but 1 never thought of it before. Ial
ways order two quarts and pay for two
quarts, but it never measures more
than three pints. Detroit Free
Press.
A New York girl the other night
broke her arm while shaking hands
with her beau. After this she will
probably realize that better results
could be obtained by putting the
same amount of energy into some
other form of salutation. Chicago
Times Herald.
MY queenW exclaimed her adorer.
timidly. May I kiss the royal
hand?" "My faithful subject" re.
piled the young woman, with the air
of one gently chiding him, "what is
the matter with the royal lips?"-
Chicago Tribune.
"No," remarked the much criticised
public man serenely, 81 never read
what the newspapers say about me-"
"Well, replied Miss Cayenne, 81 sup.
pose it would be simply a waste Of
time. You wouldn't believe it if you
did. Washington Star.
Jinks-"That man does not look
very smart, and yet you say he has
made a million" Winks-"Smart!
He's genius. He'sa great inventor
"You don't say so! What did he in.
Vent?" "He invented an apple-barrel
that holds scarcely anything. New
York Weekly.
"How is your son doing at coll
lege?" asked the neighbor who al.
ways liked to be mixed up in every.
thing that was going on. 81 think
the at is superhuous," was the re-
ply of the old farmer, whose son
hadn't written home for money IN two
months. Chicago Post.
The youngster had been tantalizing
md bothersome all day, and finally his
mother caught him and laid him across
her knee. "Of course" she said to
herself as the slipper descended, "this
is done purely for his good, but at the
same time 1 must admit that it is con-
siderable satisfaction to me. Chi.
cago Evening Post.
Little Frances-"Papa, my teacher
;old me to ask you to tell me some
thing about Victor Hugo. Tomorrow
she wants me to tell the class what
was the most important thing he ever
did" Papa (who pretends to know it
l!D-"victor Hugo founded the HUI
gonauts--but you tell your teacher
I'm payin' school taxes, and / don't
propose to have to do her work.
Chicago News.