The times., 1899-10-09
THE SACRED SUGAR BOWL.
Bejng the Painful Parable of the
SORROWS of Mayhem.

Columbia, it came to pass that a certain
scribe called Nay-Yea became possessed of
AN idea. And Nay-Yea being a scribe also
possessed parchment which appeared
each night at the going down of the sun.
And when Nay-Yea spake, 10 and behold,
the parchment appeared and upon it were
the words which he had spoken, and much
more which no man might understand.
And Nay Yea being ruler of the Board of
Shad was a great man and prophet, and
was filled with liquid air and prunes. And
with Nay-Yea were many lesser scribes
and certain man called Koldman who
saw to it that none gazed upon the parch-
inent unless they had first paid unto him
certain number of shekels.
Now about this time Nay Yea had grown
exceeding chesty and of such Importance
that he had not space wherein to lay his
head. And builders Iabored upon new
temple wherein many cubits had been
spared for the atmosphere of Nay-Yea.
And because of this the people Of the
District called Columbia mourned and had
not any place to walk upon their high
ways
And it came to pass that certain man
of the land OF the tribe of Manhattan heard
of the exceeding great size of NayYea.
And this man was called Blow Well be-
cause that he sang the praises of other
men and received silver for his blowing.
And Blow-WelI possessed a certain little
Shinplaster in the art of blowing and
within the Shinplaster he sang praises
and drank ink and ate figures. And BOW
Well held council with Nay-Yea and pre-
pared many plans, saying. "0h, thou
greatest of the great, let me bathe thy
feet. for I am better than Bath House.
John ever dared be-" And Nay-Yea was
exceeding pleased and having swelled sew
eral cubits,- he answered, saying ''As thou
wilt, oh wise man. And Blow Well spake.
saying, Thou art great, and thy light is
hidden beneath thy medals. Let thy star
so shine that men may see it, even unto
distant Manhattan. / am BlowWell and
l will see unto it that thy star is fixed"
And Blow Well related that he possessed
certain Sacred Sugar Bowl which might
go into the new house prepared for the.
parchment of Nay-Yea and grace it forever.
And it was planned that great contest be
prepared between all the scribes who pos
sessed public parchments in that land. And
because that there were many great parch-
ments, it was agreed that only such parch-
ments as We're issued south of a line drawn
from the land of Philadelphia to the city
called San Francisco, in the land Of the
Califcrniaites, be allowed to contest for
the prize. And Blow-Well appointed him
self the judge of the contest and agreed
that the parchment of Nay-Yea should. in
the end receive the Sacred Sugar Bowl.
And Nay-Yea again swelled many cubits
and having placed the prize within his
bosom. and having prepared many great
pictures of the Sacred Sugar Bowl he
rested and awaited the contest knowing
that he might not claim the prize until
this had ended. Therefore Blow Well
placed readings in his ShinpIaster and sent
them to the public parchments south of
the line drawn from the land of Philadel-
phia to the city called San Francisco. And
the readings said, Behold, l, Blow-Well,
will give unto the public parchment hav-
ing the lowest advertising rate per thou
sand Of circulation a Sacred Sugar Bowl.
Quality viii be Judged by me and the
quality must be that of the parchment of
Nay-Yea in the District called Columbia"
And many parehments came forth and
related the number of those who read
in them and the price in shekels for pIae-
ing the names of those who were in the
market places. And many said, Behold
our circulation is greater than that of the
parchment of Nay-Yea." And Blow WI ell
answered them saying. Fall out, for your
quality is not the quality of NayYea." ;"
And other said, Behold, we have more
quality than the parchment of NayYea. :"
And Blow-W Well spake, saying, "Lo you
have not the circulation of Nay-Yea
! therefore take sneak And others hav-
ing both quality and circulation greater
than that of Nay-Yea were told that their
rates were not SO low. because that Nay
Yea was to obtain the prize.
But there came a certain scribe from
the city called Los Angeles, in the land of
| the CalifOrniaites. And this scribe po-
sessed a great parchment which ehIonicIel
/ the doings of those living in that land.
! quality and circulation were greater and
| his rate lower than those of the parchment
! of Nay Yea And he saw not that it had
! been planned to give Nay-Yea the prize
| but fought with his proofs And this scribe
! was right, and all the parchments saw to
! it that he might not be overthIown by the
! Judge Blow-Well. And after much delay
! and sorrow the prize was granted unto
the Los Angeles parchment
| And when Nay-Yea had heard these It'd
| ings there was wailing and gnashing of
sugar bowls in the house of Nay-Yea And
1 when it had been learned that Nay-Yea
and Blow-WelI had planned to place the
prize in the house of the former, there was
much grinning and great merrymaking
among the scribes. And Nay Yea took the
pictures of the Sacred Sugar Bowl which
had been made for him and they were
| cast into the fire. And much gas and
birthstone covered that place, and the end
| is not yet. Therefore did the scribes be-
meath Nay-Yea dine upon sack cloth and
ashes and sat upon their parchment and
mourned-
And the wise men of that place. hearing
| of what had come to pass, ordered that an
| other contest be given that Nay-Yea might
| obtain a sugar bowl. And this contest
/ will be open only to parchments within and
! south of line drawn from the rear of the
/ house of NeyYe to the entrance to the
/ Temple of the Rulers OF the District called
| Columbia and including the seats wherein
! sit these Rulers. And it is written that in
this contest Nay-Yea shall be granted a
multitude of sugar bowls and dishes from
which TO partake of Shad. And Nay-Yea
/ shall hold the Shinplaster and all other
| parchments in canned derision.
These things came to pass in the first