The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-12-02

I reeder that politicks run on the Africkan
| plan arc not dissmiler from those in
| the home ov the free & the land ov the
| Brave.
intervowd the Prezdent ov the Seleckt
| cowncil in regard the matter & he re-
| plide most mfatickly that Lombardskop
| must go. But" sez yure correspondent,
''he intimated 2 me that if he waz fired
| he wood prezent a Black Art show at
| which sevral hideyus skeletons wood
| emerge from the closet ov both branches
| ov the cownsi"
did hc?' replide the Prezident in an
intensly interested tone.
"He certny dunn So" l replide.
"Oh, WE'LL" sez the PREF, "if he IL
going get mad abowt it 1 suppoze we
kin eleckt him another term"
Later-Lombardskop waz found at an
early our this a. m. stabd in ate places
between the curbstone az the hitchin-
| post. The woond IL nescessariy quite
serius. War IL He'll & Politicks IL sum-
| times Jest as fatil. (Ths improvement
on the former kwotashun, l am happy 2
say, IL origineD.
Later rStill-Lombardskop dide from hiz
woonds. This IL a strange koinsidents
In the midst ov life we are sumtimes
stabd deth." awlso, ''There IL more
ways drink whiskey than out oV bot
ILL.," likeWize There iz sevral ways Q
remove kopS from the force"
Mafeking, Dec. LADY Smith gave a
Pink Tea yesterday her soshul peers.
Peter MartZburg. who took tickets at
the dore, refuzed admit Dom Pawl with
the Xcuse tina he needed a shave, but IL
IL lernd from trusty sorse, whoze iden-
tity l dassent divulge, that the abuv
recon Waz a bare faced subterfuge a.
that the reel recon laid in the fackt
that Mr.. Kruger were no dress SCOT
Dom Pawl left in q rage & a barrosh
foaming at the mouth.
Lady Smith IL prostrated, in fackt she
IL so i'll that it haznt bin lernd, az vet,
wether she is indisposed with greet or
loy but the British Army officers are
laying odds ov 100 too 60 that 1T liz the
latter with few takers.
The town IL in an uproar g. dethly
stiffness pervades The feeling IL in
tents In spots. Sum claim 1t IL the
camm be the storm.
Unless the greatest cawshun IL used by
the diplomats there IL libel be blood
shed.
Later-oom Pawl haz CHALLENGED Peter
Maritzburg 2 a dule Peter anserd him,
saying, go git a reputashun."
The Tea given by Lady Smith waz not
Pink l but a yellow /.
Swinkspan, Dec. 1.-Awltho haven't
seen him persrally 1 understand that
Jubert, Suyman, Methoon, Estcort q
Crongee are missing. The town IL up
In arms q the widest excitement liz ram
pant. No trace Ov the missing men can
be lernd & ] have worn out pear ov
Shoes running down false stories.
Diamonds hav gone up IS & s cts. a
quart & the water IL still rizing. Menny
bridges hav bin swept away G. awl the
churches are being prest in servis az
temporary hospitals.
Ham sandwiches are 80 fennigs each &
you cant buy Custard pi luv nor mummy.
A famin IL feerd & the nativs are eating
crackers off tine ends ov whips.
Later-OOm Pawl & the rest ov the
bunch hav returnd, having bin playing
poker on the banks ov the Mooi far away.
Later Delaid in transmishun)-Mr
Kruger denize that he waz playing poker
& SEE that the game waz penuckle He
awlso brings grave charges agenst the
British Genrals, claiming that thay rang
in frappayed cards (cold deX). II he can
prove the charge IL will undoubtedly be-
cum an interesting kontroversy.
Peepil well up in tictax say that the
event is unprecedented in internashnal
warfare & the outcum IL awaited in
brethless silents.
From the abuv it will be reddily gath
erd that the prinsipal loss waz sustained
on the Boor side. Hence the hub-bub.
Hilands Stashun, Dec. 1.-The town IL
filled with restless & unsettled roomers.
This wood be a CRATE town sumbuddy
2 start lodging house 4 corral the
roomers. Yures, on the jump,
A. Kidder.