davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican., 1899-11-02
TaImage and the Compositor.

Many years ago, when my sermons first
ATTRACTED the attention of city editors" said
EA Ialmage in a recent conversation, "you
reporters used to make me fume and fret,
but since have come to know you better
have transferred my wrath to your adver-
sary, the compositor. Ny eyes were opened
when, after annoying blunders in print,
determined to report my own sermons for
a certain New York morning paper 1t
chanced that the first time / reported my.
self | was preaching a sermon on the Peni
tential Psalms, in which sermon l said, with
emphasis:
"'You will notice that in these verses
the name of God does not appear once. Is
not this significant
Calm and confident that this time the
sense of my sermon would not be distorted
by careless reporting, picked up the paper
on Monday morning and read:
You will notice that in these verses the
name of God does not appear once. Is not
this magnificent? "-Philadelphia Saturday
Post
The Republican., 1899-11-02
GLAD TO BE A GIRL.

I'm glad l am a little girl,
And have the afternoons for play;
For if l was busy bee,
l s'pose I'd have to work all day.
And If l was an owl I'd be
Afraid to keep awake all night;
And if l was an elephant
How could l learn to be polite?
And if l was a Jersey calf
l might forget my name and age;
And if l was a little dog
l couldn't read a single page.
Dear, dear! When I begin to count,
1t makes my head so all awhirl,
There are so many reasons why
I'm glad l am a little girl
The Infants Magazine.
The Republican., 1899-11-02
This Man Takes the Cake.

There have been great many stories
about absent-minded men, and they are
always enjoyable. This concerns a man
named Rogers, who lived in a small
town, and owned Jersey COW, which
he used to drive morning and evening
to and from the pasture, not far from
his home. One morning, as neighbor
was passing along the road, he met Mr..
Rogers walking in the middle of the
lane apparently engrossed in some
weighty question. The neighbor called
out: Good morning, Mr. Rogers.
Where are you going?" why" an
swered Mr.. Rogers, in surprised way,
Il am driving the COW to pasture"
where is the cow?" asked his friend.
Mr.. Rogers looked around vaguely, and
then he said, humbly: Il suppose for
got to let her out of the barn" And 50
he had
The Republican., 1899-11-02
COMMERCIAL WIT.
A Parcel of Puns That Were Worked
on All Right But They
Didn't Take.

Four travelling men sat on the sidewalk
in front of the Windsor the other night tell
ing stories. The man who smoked stogies
had just finished a somnambulist tale.
Reminds me of what the pickpocket said
to his fellow-prisoner," commented the man
with the nasal blossom.
What was that?'
II am here gentlemen" he said, "as the
result of moment of abstraction"
The pun fell with a dull, sickening thud.
But the man who smoked stogies came to
the front again.
Like the incendiary, Ell? There is some
similarity. He was there because of his
habit of making light of things"
The blossomy man refused to be silent.
.'But did you hear about the forger?'
s'No. Why"
"He was there on account of simple de-
sire to make name for himself
The man with the stogie meditated.
''That reminds me of the burglar" he
casually remarked. There was a three-min.
ute stage wait and the man who liked apple
jack gave way to curiosity.
"Why"
GAS he said, through nothing but taking
advantage of an opening which offered in a
large mercantile establishment"
The blossomy man had departed, leaving
a wide, far-reaching void.-St. Paul Globe.
The Republican., 1899-11-02
Honest Methods Win.

This is fact that sometimes is over
looked in these days of hurry and scramble,
but it is fact none the less. The success of
the John NJ. Smyth Co., Chicago, whose
per- is marked illustration in point. A
tremendous business has been built up by
this firm strictly on its merits. Good goods
properly described and offered at a very low
price, the unlimited capital of the firm en-
abling it to buy on extremely advantageous
terms. See the striking advertisement else
where in this issue and write the John NJ.
Smyth Co., $50 to l66 West Madison St.,
Chicago, for its mammoth catalogue Every
family should have it
The Republican., 1899-11-02

he could be as quick as a flash, and
had, like every Indian on the north
western plains, a pair of eyes that could
equal any tield-glass,
His services-for he had been en-
ployed as a scout for some years-had
been very valuable to the government,
and, in recognition of this fact, the
officer in command had secured au-
thority from the war department to
promote him to the rank of sergeant;
consequently he went around in a neat
uniform with chegrons and stripes,
very much impressed with his own i'm
portance, which he considered second
only to that of the commanding officer;
and he took care that everyone else
also should respect his rank and dig
nifty.
AS his native name is the Sioux for
soldier it is easily seen why he was
so named; but he had still another
name, which the Indians had given him
before his entering military circles, and
that, translated into English, was the
'grass-walLier," or trailer" from his
absolutely marvellous ability to find the
trail of anything that left even the
slightest trace on the ground as it
passed over it.
A desperate soldier named Brice
broke Jail one night and was pursued
the following morning. The trail led
to the west for trife over a mile;
then it turned north for a quarter of a
mile, and we followed until we came
to tree at the edge of a slough to
the northwest of the fort, called the
garden bar slough" Here Arkichita
pointed under the tree, and said Brice
had lain down there to rest.
The trail here led into the slough.
A Dakota slough" is a shallow lake.
the water of which is from six inches to
three feet deep, with soft, muddy bot
tom, but not generally miry. The cen
ter of the slough is usually free from
grasses or weeds, but along the edges,
from 20 to 60 yards out, long tule-grass
grows.
This particular slough was a mile
long, and varied from an eighth to a
quarter of a mile in width, and there
was foot of water covering as much
soft mud. During the night the wind
had rolled the water up considerably.
1t seemed hardly possible to track any
thing through it, except where the tule
had been broken down. Where that
was the case, even l could follow the
trail; on reaching open water, however,
the case was different.
The eastern end of the slough reached
TO a point near the fort not more than
a hundred and fifty yards from brick
yard, on which was kiln that had
been built during the summer. The
kiln was now ready for firing.
Once l thought Arllichita was baf-
fed, after all; he had come to a dead
standstill near the tule, Then an in
spiration struck me; perhaps by a cir
cleIcould find the trail. Happy thought!
1 put it into immediate execution, and
found one. Rather elated at my success,
called: Come quick; heap trail!" He
came over, took one look; just the sug-
gestion of a smile played on his face as
he said: Cow" at
The Republican., 1899-11-02
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FREE.
One of the Grandest Offers Ever Made.

One of the Grandest Offers Ever Made.
The first five persons procuring the
Endless Chain Starch Book from their
grocer will each obtain one large 10c
package of Red Cross" starch, one large
10c package of "HUBINGER'S BEST
starch, two Shakespeare pictures,
printed in twelve beautiful colors, as
natural as life, or one Twentieth Cen
tury Girl Calendar, the finest of its kind
verprinted, all absolutely free. All 9th
ers procuring the Endless Chain Starch
Book will obtain from their grocer two
large 10c packages of starch for SC, and
the beautiful premiums, which are be-
ing given away. This offer is only made
for a short time to further introduce
the famous "RED CROSS" starch, and
the celebrated "HUBINGER'S BEST"
cold-water starch. "RED CROSS laun-
dry starch is something entirely new
andis without doubt the greatest inven-
ton of the Twentieth Century. 1t has
no equal, and surpasses all others. 1t
has won for itself praise from all parts
of the United States. 1t has super
seded everything heretofore used, or
known to science in the laundry art.
1t is made from wheat, rice and corn,
and is chemically prepared upon scien-
tific principles, by j. c. Hubinger, an
expert in the laundry profession, who
has had 25 years of practical experience
in fancy laundering, and who is the
first successful and original inventor
of all fine grades of starch in the United
States. If you would have the best, ask
for "RED CROSS" and "HUBINGER'S s
BEST" which are the finest starches
on the market to-day. The jobbing
houses all handle it, the retail grocer
has it on his shelves, you find it in all
the homes, while the careful house
wife has adorned the walls of the home
with the beautiful Shakespeare pic
lures, which are being given away in
introducing "RED CROSS" and ''HU-
| BINGER'S BEST" starch.
Som Ssmart men are fools for revenue
only-Chicago Daily News
The Republican., 1899-11-02
Give the Children n Drink

called Grain-O 1t is delicious, appetizing,
nourishng food drink to take the place of
coffee. Sold by all grocers and liked by all
who have used it, because when properly
prepared it tastes like the finest coffee but
Is free from all its injurious properties.
Grain-O aids digestion and strengthens the
nerves. 1t is not a stimulant but health
builder, and children, as well as adults, can
drink it with great benefit. Costs about as
much as coffee l5 and 25c
The Republican., 1899-11-02
Good for Girls Only,

Dewey anecdotes relate that the admiral
school teacher gave him, whereupon he re.
solved to lead new life This anecdote will
be read out loud by the mothers but it will
not fool any boy. 1t is harder to fool boy
than a girl with fairy tales.-Atchison
Globe
The Republican., 1899-11-02

Visitor Ito host whose daughter is as
saulting the piano in ultra fortissimo) )-"I'll
tell you what it is, sir. Your daughter is a
powerful performer; she gets out of the in
thankful if she got out the $500 put in Il. .
Richmond Dispatch.
The Republican., 1899-11-02
The oldest KNOWN Toy.

Probably the oldest toy in the world
is the top. 1t has been used all over
the world for thousands of years, and
in some savage tribes is used in the per-
tormance Of religious rites.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

~ Conan Doyle says that for absent-mind-
edness he holds the worlds championship
but we doubt if he could win out against the
Colorado woman who put her baby in the
deavor to soothe to sleep the stuffed turkey
she rocked in the cradle-Denver Post.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

He IA suitor) r)-"Grammarian have never
been sure of the proper distinction between
L shall and L will, but to my mind there
is no difficulty" She-'I don't quite know
the the. distinction ais myself" r He (thinking he
ton; Will you marry me? Supposing l
ask you, your reply would be not 4 will, but
=" She (emphatically) won't. Judy.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

An Easy One.-He entered the cheap res.
taurant and took a seat at one of the tables
will you have l5-cent dinner or a 25cent
one?" inquired waiter "Is there any real
difference" Certainly" ''What is it?"
"Ten nts."-Ohio State journal.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

When you see man over six feet tall, who
weighs about 220, and his shoes are so big
he has to get them made, you can be pretty
'Sweetums" or something.-N Y. Press.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

Dedbroke-"1 hear you called on the la.
dy,a father last night. How'd he like your
suit" Harduppe-"Very much, | think.
He kept half the coat collar when left >
Philadelphia Record
The Republican., 1899-11-02

"Of all the delegates that met at that
Christian Endeavor convention" said DR.
Hill, Il liked him the best who, on being
asked what his business was, said: i am a
cheer-up-odist '''-Success.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

A Horse on Him.-"Say, Dennis, dye
know Jamesie came to home on furlough"
"Un' phwhats a furlough?" Can yer
igneramus, it's wan NV thin new wagons
what runs widout a horse. Pittsburgh
Press.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

address is Lynn, Mass. Absolutely no
charge is made for advice Il suffered
seven years and would surely have died
but for your help" writes MRS. GEO.
BAINBRIDGE, Morea. Pa, to Mrs. Pinkham.
1t is with pleasure l now write to inform
you that am now healthy woman, thanks
to your kind advice and wonderful medi-
cine. l can never praise it enough. Twas
a constant sufferer from womb trouble and
The Republican., 1899-11-02

Some people are mighty Independent" in
their ways who have no reason to be.-Atch-
ison Globe.
The Republican., 1899-11-02
Lanes Family Medicine.

Moves the bowels each day. In order to
be healthy this is necessary. Acts gently on
the liver and kidneys. Cures sick head
ache. Price IS and SOC.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

T\VERY suffering from any female trouble can be
helped by Mrs Pinkham This statement is based on
sound reasoning and unrvalled record Multitudes
of Americas to-day bless Mrs Pnkham for competent
and commonsense advice. Write to her if you ILL., Her
The Republican., 1899-11-02

in wtich a large-sized political bee is con-
tinuaily buying. Chicago Daily News.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

believe Piso's Cure for Consumption
Douglass, Leroy, Mich, Oct. 20, '94.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

Onebaf the defeats could be turned into
victories by a little e&fort.-Atchison Globe.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

time. Since using your n
ing-down pains. or tired
feelings, and am well and
hearty. Ishall recommend
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound to all my
suffering friends as the
greatest remedy for all
female weakness"
Mrs. SUSIE J. WEAVER,
1921 Callowhill ST.. Phila-
delphia, Pa, writes:
DEAR MRS. PINKHAM-1
had Inflammation of the
womb and painful men
situation, and by your
advice l began taking
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound. Have
taken four bottles and use
one package of Sanativ
Wash and feel like a new
woman. l thank you so
much for what your medi- a
cine has done for me"
MRS. NJ. BAUMANN, III v
Chicago, ILL.,, writes: "4
months trial of Lydia E. Pi
not say enough in praise
with womb trouble when |
The Republican., 1899-11-02

The first umbrella appeared in l777. The
last one disappeared about 40 minutes after
we bought it.-Elliott's Magazine
The Republican., 1899-11-02

1t is affectation to use long word when
q short one will do just as well.-Elhott's
MAGAZINE
The Republican., 1899-11-02

Dollie-"Have you read The Days
6ooIdly vulgarl"-Indianapolis Journal.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. 25c
The Republican., 1899-11-02
Motto of the siamese Nation.

Have you heard II the % motto Sg of the govern,
you repeated it? And having repeated it,
have you caught its purely personal appli,
cation? And having caught it, have you
tried it on your friends? This is the motto:
"Ah Wa Ia Mas Siam" 1t sounds unintel
ligible nonsense, but keep saying it over as
long as you can and as fast as you can and
you will discover at last that the eastern
patois has a western sense that aptly CLASH
fes many a remorseful subject of Uncle Sam
For "Ah Wa Ia Mas SIAM is easily evolved
into "Ah what an ass l am."-Chicago
Chronicle.
Some people run as easily as the color in
red bunting.-Atchson Globe
When YOU hate man. either fght him or
The Republican., 1899-11-02
SAFE:
COUNSEL
FOR SICK
WgDRgEW

leucorrhea, had continual pain in abdomen Sometimes
could not walk the floor for three four weeks
time Since using your medicine now have more bear
The Republican., 1899-11-02

When you hate man, either fight him or
say nothing-Atchison Globe.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

months trial Lyda E. Pnkhams Vegetable Compound
say enough in praise for it. was a very sick
with womb trouble when began its Int -c'
The Republican., 1899-11-02
Halls Cntarrh Cure

Is taken Internally. Price 75c.
The Republican., 1899-11-02

Som ssmart men are fools for revenue
only.-Chcago Daily News.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-05

The republican executive committee OF
Virginia advises against separate contests
in The legislative races of this year me
reason given is that the election law OF the
state Is partisan, and republicans cannot
hone for a fair count under 1t. The voters
of that party. therefore, are counseied 10
make choice between democratic canoi-
dates. and support such as may appear
friendly 10 = new law
This would be excellent advice and thor
orebIv practical If the election law We're
an issue in the campaign among the oeiiio-
crats. But it is not There may be demo-
Gratis who do not as an abstract PROPOSE
tinn approve of the law, but there are
none running for office who are committed
to its repeal. They all expect to benefit by
the law and therefore are hardly TO be eN-
pected after election to decry or destroy
The. bridge which has carried them over
ON its face there is something persuasive
in this republican proposition of making
no organized effort Why play against
"Ioaded dice" as the committee puts it?
Why kick against the pricks? Why strug-
gle when the imprisoning thongs are so
thick that YOU cannot hope to break them?
On the other hand, what cause was ever
won by such tactics? When was freedom
worth having ever gained by waiting for
the iailer's heart to soften. or the iron bars
of the prison to weaken from rust? When
was a party ever built up to winning
strength and proportions by waiting for
the opposition to go TO pieces from domes-
tic wranglngs? Look at Maryland. Look
at Kentucky. 1t took years for the build-
ing up of a minority party in those two
states which in the end became the major
ity party There were many difficulties
and discouragements. There We're times
when all effort seemed to go for nothing
But there was never a let-up in the work
The minority kept hammering away and
a last victory was Won
The Lord helps those who help them
selves And there is good scripture for the
additional assertion that He likes an ener'
getic and u persistent fighter.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-05
Olumbia and Shamrock,

Yesterdays yachting developments were
exceptionally interesting. Columbia de-
feated Defender so badly that Immediately
after the race off Newport the cup COM
mittee announced that no further trials
would be had leading to the conclusion
that Columbia has been formally chosen
for the competition with Shamrock in Oc-
tober. Though this has been virtually a
fcregone conclusion it had not been Off
cially announced inasmuch the quail
tiles of Columbia in all weathers had not
been developed and Defender was still a
possibility for the cup races. Yesterdays
performance by Columbia, with her clean
lead of ten minutes over thirty-mie
course in twelve-mile wind, supposed to
he especially favorable to Defender
showed the new yacht to be a materially
superior Graf. to the old, good as the lat
ter IS. 1t is believed. too, that Columbia
could have increased her lead, as at the
finish she went about in hitch that gave
Defender some advantage and enabled her
to close the gap some what. 1t may be that
the skipper of Columbia did not let his
racer out to her full pace, knowing that
with the challenger in these waters too
clear a display of speed qualities might
prove disad-antageous. American yachts
men have never forgotten the experience
of the old America upon her first appear
ance in English waters as challenger for
the cup now bearing her name. As the
schooner came in view of the English
yachts one of the fast craft from the fleet
advanced and by a few jockeying move
ments tempted the Yankee skipper to a
test of speed. The latter Immediately ac-
cepted and proceeded to sail entirely around
his challenger. Such the dismay of
the English yachtsmen at this remarkable
feat that when later the American sports
men tried to place wagers on their yacht
they could find offers OF takers and con-
sequently the only bet recorded on the
great cup race was the price of sail,
wagered by Ratsey, ancestor of the now
famous sail-maker. So in this compe-
tition 1T Is more than likely that
neither Columbia nor Shamrock has been
displayed to the full. Shamrock went out
| for a run yesterday and amazed her
watchers by her clean work and her speed.
After her trial over an outside course in a
| fresh wind experienced yachtsmen declared
| that in their judgment she Is by far the
| best craft ever sent over after the cup and
that Columbia will have to do remarkable
work to defeat her. OF course no accurate
.iine" can be got on the comparative mer-
| lis of the boats until they actually come
together in the same race, for weather
| conditions differ greatly from place to
| place and day to day and speeds depend
wholly upon the manner In which the
| yachts accept the wind and water they en-
| counter. 1t is agreed that the cup is in its
| most serious danger, for the English and
American model makers Rave now reached
plane of agreement upon general prin-
| ciples Of designing and the two yachts are
| more nearly alike than was ever before the
| case in an International race. No marked
structural difference will prevail this year
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-05

Uashinpton's demands for rapid transit
are not so insistent as to Justify the
uuircmeuts placed upon the motormen of
the Columbia line which We're disclosed i'll
the course of a Police Court trial yester-
day The allowance of seventeen fiinutes
for a run of two and eight-tenths miles is
too short in view of the peculiar require
rnents of the line. involving eight stops &C
cording to the law and many more as
the traffic demands. Two of these stops
are occasioned by the intersection of the
street car tracks with those of the Balti-
more and Ohio road. not only involving the
loss of time necessary to bring the electric
cars to halt but also frequently necessi-
tating long waits for trains, which must
be made up as far as possible by the mo-
tormen as soon as the line Is clear. At the
least calculation, with the car running
within the legal maximum speed Of twelve
miles an hour only three minutes al
lowed on the entire run of two and eight
tenths miles for taking on and letting off
passengers. including the stops at transfer
stations and other rapid transit crossings
and the steam road crossings. The recent
changes in the relationship of this line
with the City and Suburban add three
transfer stations to the line. those at 18th,
9TH and North Capitol streets Allowing a
quarter of a minute for each of the eight
crossings, which is an absurIly low calcu-
lation. two minutes are lost from the stop
ping allowance for this purpose alone. not
calculating upon the delays of taking
and letting off passengers, and this leaves
but one minute in the whole run for the
other passenger stops 1t is clearly impos-
sible for the motormen to conform to the
schedule at the legal rate of speed and
comply with the crossings requirements in
addition to caring for the traffic. At fifteen
miles hour the actual running time
would be IL minutes, leaving IS for stops,
which in view of the peculiar character of
the line. is barely sufficient. But the fif
teen-mie rate Is three miles faster than
the legal speed, or % per cent 1t is obvi
Gus that either the speed limit must be
extended the schedule heightened to
allow more time for stops The public safety,
however, Is menaced by increases in the
speeds 1t is plainly incumbent upon the
company to conform to the regulations
they stand and adopt a more liberal policy
of maintenance, unless 1t is determined to
assail the regulation in effort to secure
an amendment which would be certain to
develop lively contest