The times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1890-1903, 1899-08-30
THE MAJORS
SILENT CLUB
After His Third Fit It Began to Hold
Sessions.
MUCH LIQUID REFRESHMENT.
In a Dingy London Tavern and a Per-
Torrance bY a Queer McHagcrie
Preceded It 800 Members Were
Paper Mache with Feelings

| 'IIcre are CiuDa ana Niu"of iNlD1i ~"
the difficult looking man. who had been
around the world. "The most remarkable
club that ! ever belonged TO l managed
myself. although l was only an honorary
member. ] called il the Silent Club
ANY women in it?'
81 certainly have reason to remember
that there was one LADY. She Was III love
with me and ! crushed her.
How r0mantic"
Not exactly. You see I didn't know
that she was in love with me az first In
fact. ] didn't know she was there until
my friend. Major Harriet, told me-
Invisible ladyT'
"Weu 10 tell the truth, she was Invisible
@ me- but Harriet saw her and said she
was as beautiful as he was good
Tell us about it,"
ut occurred ln dingy commercial hotel
On dingy Fleet street In dingy London,
not % stones throw from the Cheshire
( Cheese, where old Sam Johnson and bis
friend Cody used 10 sup on beefsteak
pudding and little rumps. ] was knock
ing out "a living somehow then. but my
time was my own. which fact enabled me
% Join the Silent club. IL started by
Harriet having three ats before I could
get "a doctor 10 him. / only knew enough
Of epilepsy 20 force the handle of
| toothbrush between his teeth-to prevent
him from biting his tongue. SO far as l
know. that's the only treatment the doc
! tors use. Il seems that Harriet had been
doing a good deal Of entertaining I'm
quiet way in the smoking room for sew
( eral weeks. As he seldom LETT the hotel
/ the gloom OF Fleet street and the social
| sessions held 90 COunterdct 10 did the bust
! ness for him. Seeing how things We're,
| as 1 was his closest friend then in Lon
don. I had a sofa moved into his room
| SO that / could play trained nurse for
awhile. II was my first and last appear
| ance IN the role
"I had nursed Major Harriet several
! days before the Silent Club was organized
| in that room. During those days ] found
1 that there were more things in Heaven
| and earth than were drcamt of IN my
| philosophy. Ny duties as q nurse made il
| necessary Tor me 20 disentangie him from
! the twisted coils of the bed clothing with
which he wrestled previously while he
| reeked with the sweat OF battle. Having
! finally quelled the agitation by the aid of
! my physical strength and dose of bro
mide the major reprovod me for inter-
fering.
4 was only he remarked. reproach-
| fully, uncoiling the sea serpent who had
| got tied into a knot
| Although the Major did not seem 10
/ waste much appreciation on my services.
! / was enabled to- assist him in various
ways / took away many bucketfuls OF
eQuirmiug cells which he said .nc0mm0dci
| him IN the bed. I removed a giant kanea-
roo from tho room az bis request End
4 ing that ii annoyed him to have The BLACK
| cat which he said. sat on the foot of his
| bed constantly changing into a pair of
| eoloshcs. 1 had both taken down stairs.
There We're some matters that were. SD
TO speak. outside or my jurisdiction. 1
was unable, for instance TO cope with the
situation when the Major complained thar
a tight wire had been introduced into the
room running from wall 10 wall. On
this wire no less a parsonage than his
Satanic Majesty executed q dance lie
jeered az the Major but finally made
some amends for his Intrusion and rude.
less by painting o beautiful sea view on
the ceiling with his TAIL Ar least tho
Major said il was q beautiful sea View
and it Sc med 10 soOthe him. lie said
that he derived great benefit from the
ozone.
THE MAJOR COMPLAINED.
"There were some other matters which
my presence I'm the room was unable 90
regulate so that the advent OF the Silent
Club later proved great relief after tha
behavior Of the mysterious agents that am
ample. OF huge hairy t0rmentor that
made its head just above his head from
whence ii elared at him with its niliion
eyes. Not content with this unseomly
conduct. il chopped IFS web into short
lengths and making arrows Of them shot
them into his breast until he could no
longer support the agony. Another indig-
nifty that he complained Of occurred when
some unknown miscreant threw q tattOOed
l. .Ia. 4
wall. This certainly was beyond my
power TO cope with and when the climax
was reached I'm the Majors declaration.
that n gang of felicrs so be termed them,
had stuffed his pockets fun of bidders
and ruthlessly played football with him.
I was glad TO be relieved for a moment !
boy the doctor whom l observed I'm the |
act OF taking from his pocket a hypOder- |
mic syringe.
1T was about this time that 7 met some ,
Of the members of the silent Club. The |
language that they spoke was the silent |
language and have never met Tny one /
who could interpret II save Mai. Harriet |
The first Of these interesting people to |
arrive was the Brigadier-G General. |
Through some misadventure ! did not |
see him, bat the Major said he was there /
and introduced me with elaborate cour- |
tesy From the eloquent silence Of the |
Brigadier, 1 learned that he was man
who had travelled widely and read much l
The Major cOnversed with him by :the
hour, but the conversation 10 me was
like listening to a man talking into a |
telephone. / could not hear the silent |
answer At times the General. so the
Major said. addressed his remarks 10 me.
but as 1 know not the tongue of silence |
had to make use Of the Major as an I'm
terpretcr. In this manner / learned that |
the General was one of a large family |
and that he served with the army in
Sldtsland. Sometimes be brought his |
brother officers with him, and they were
all, so the Major Informed me I'm fun |
regimentals. To them he related his woes
and he told me that they sympathlzed
with him deeply when he explained 20
them that some evil-disp0sed persons I'm
the hotel had been making darned
menagerie out OF a gentleman's private
room lie alluded. u course. 20 the kan
CARGO, the tait0oed man, the gOloshes
and other annOyances.
1T WAS by means OF two curious cpl
sOdcs that i learned that the members of
the Silent Club were composed Of papier
mache. The doctor had instructed me. |
as nurse. not 10 allow my patient 10 have
any alcoholic stimulant once or twice
the Major nearly circumvented me in
this matter and accordingly during a
call from the Brigadier-General and two |
friends. [ was not SURPRISED to find him
reach over the bed for the electric bell
intervened between him and II caused
him 20 flush angrily.
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