The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-09-30
Lightning Rod Nan
lDierVieWlS Dewey
Mr.. Editur.

Mr.. Editur.
Deer Sir: Seeing by awl the news
papers that the leedins jcrnaiiSts IL
Intervening Admiral DOGGY l thawt
Ide due likewlze. Yeers ago I use
be enginear on a kanal bote e. hoss
power) so if you find sum saler fra2cz
MKT in the interview / hope you will
pardon them, the site ov bote brawt
back the old daze.
After unwinden abowt a mile & -
ov red tape, at $17 per mile. I found
mvseIf on bord the Olimpick 4 l awlso
found numerus other jenalists watrn
round . see the Admiral when he KUN
out ov hiZ bOOdWar. l oV the jernal-
lists askt me what l waz doing & told
him | waz going interview the Ad-
miral. He lafft & sed 'yule hav nice
time watin till awl this bunch gels
threw with him." oh" sez |. "Ile
take me chantsez, | CESS" lie smiled
& walkt away. / waited round a spell
& maid up my mind that Id hav use
strategy or spend the hole day watin
see him. | desided on the former
cOrse. While standin round / notist
that sevral salers had walkt up the
sakred room. knocked & walkt in.
Now, sez l, if can get saler SCOT lie
be o. K. So I went below & after 4
little Diplomacy (aided by a 2S bilD
sckured a SCOT. It want mutch it.
but it served my purpus. walkt bold
ley up > the dore q give a cupple ov
good helthy knocks.
Cum in," sed a timid voise. SO in
went. l found a nice lookin man
wearin a worried look & a SCOT ov pink
Daiamas.
Sale hoe! my harty," sez l.
"Ketchcd in a kamm," he replied
Then he added, "Who are you?"
Never mind who am, Mr.. Ad-
miral," sez l: you don't no me, hut
wont hurt you; aint Goin . ask you >
a dinner party; | aint going ask you
a magazine artikle. neether am | goin
ask you kun Kiddersville and
make a speech, tho yude get a CRATE
resepshun. What l want 2 due IL 2 hav
nice little konadenshal tawk. My
name IL Kidder; l am a ltening rod
agt by profeshun & due a little riteing
on the side 4 respectable news paper,
But it aint a yello jernal, e 1 never
miskwoted eny buddy ever intervewd: (:
& they are leegon. When ! get threw
with you lie let you blew pencil eny
thing you want q"
"Awl rite, Mr. Kidder, on those kon-
dishuns," SEE he, you may proseed.
Get over on the labbord side ov me.
I'm little def 2 port"
Eye, eye, sir" sez I, fallin rite back
in 2 the akwatick venackular, & l dun
so.
"How due you like bein a hero az far
| az yuve got?" 1 interrigated.
"Well tell the truth, Mr.. Kidder.
don't know that I am a hero ! wood
rather fase the hole Spanish fleet than
2 tawk 2 that mob ov eXageraters that's
waitin outside miskwote me- Id like
see them awl in Davy Jones' locker"
"Never mind, Mr.. DOGGY" seq 1, be
kaws when go out lie get rid ov that
| mob a you"
IF you due lie be yure everlasting
| frend," he reDlide
How'd you like be the ice MANI" l
askt.
"Well, l CESS he leeds a happier life
! than a hero" laffingly replide the ad-
miral. what l wish the crate Amerl-
| can publick wood due IL 2 leeve me
| alone. l venshur say Mr.. Kidder,
| that eny other commanding officer in
the U. S. navy wood hav dun just az /
did had he bin placed in my posishun on
the 1st ov May, 1885. It's awl cast
ov opportunity, that's what it IL, & !
waz simply fortunit Cor unfortunit, az
! I'm beginning think 2 hay the annar-