Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1899-12-06
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boy in school. Bobbie. Bobbie-Naw!
Pm going to be hero.-New York
Journal.
In extenuation.-Sally Gay-But,
dear, he is gambler. Dolly Swift
Yes. know, but he has such winning
ways.-Judge.
Suitor-Dearest-ido of my heart
say you will be mine. Widow-How
much alimony do you usually pay?-
New York Journal.
We're in pickle, now" said man
in crowd. "a regular JAM" said an
other. Heaven preserve u.s." exclaim-
ed an old lady.-Columbu State Jour-
nal.
Sharp little thing: Papa" said the
Observation-Disclosures little daughter, II
am playing that my dolls are heather"
THAT is nice, dear" "And-and-papa
want 10 cents to pay my salary
Puck.
He had his arm about her shoulders
when the young brother dashed into
the room, playing street car"
"Change to the belt line" whooped the
innocent youngster as he dashed out
again.-Detroit Free Press.
and did you shake bands with
Dewey when you were in New York at
tending the reception to him?" "No,
but l succeeded in buying rose that
Is warranted to have been run over by
his carriage." Times-Herald.
Stubb-So the audience found the
show 10 be fake? Pennies, and
among them was football captain.
He made the biggest kick. Stubb-
Good for you. But how did he express
himself? Penn-He said he wanted his
quarter back.
Come on" said Noah, looking at his
watch, its time we We're getting into
the ark" you'll have to wait min
Ute" replied Mrs. Noah from the top
of the stairway. I'm not going out
without my rainy day skirt on."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Tramp-Lady. I'm hungry. an I'm
loOkin' fer chance to work Lady
very well; there's tie woolpilc. Tramp
Lady, it amt perlite to interrupt.
was jest sayin' I'm lookin' fer chance
to work somebody fer me breakfast
New York World.
Mrs. Casey-lf liver catch your goat
attn me washin' agin. Mrs. Mulligan,
I'll sue ye fer damages. Mrs. Multi
gan-There's no made of sum, Mrs.
Casey. Coon over here an Ill give
ye all the damages We want an more.
too.-New York Journal.
Money talks" they observed. There
came into the eyes of the millionaire
the wild, hunted look peculiar to his
kind. But 1t doesn't give itself awayw
he cried, agonizedly. For the fear that
he would die rich was haunting him in
day and night shifts.-Detroit Journal.
Did you ever earn an honest dollar
in your life?' Never" answered
Meandering Mike "Onst worked two
hours fur Il dollar, but when got it
! found it had plugzi in it, right over
de head of de American eagle. OATS
what embittered me life."-Washing
ton Star.
Caddie: ''Lemme carry yer clubs,
boss. l kin be ez blind and ez deaf as
err post!'' Golfer: II don't consider
that any particular recommendation
Caddie: Not il yer playin' wild yer
chum err yer mudderin-law; but wen
yer playin' wild yer girl it pays ter hev
er caddie wot knows his biz!'-Puck.
Housekeeper: why are apples 80
high in priceY Market-man: "Cause
they're scarce, num-" Housekeeper:
But the papers said the crop was so
enormous that apples were rotting on
the trees all over the country" Mar
ket-man: "Yes'm. That's why they're
scarce. 1t didn't pay to pick 'em.'-
New York Weekly.
Marry you?" the young woman
scornfully exclaimed; II wouldn't
marry you If you we're" Jupiter
Olympus, the Gar of Russia, or the
Count of Monte Cristo?" sarcastically
interrupted the young man. NO" she
rejoined, with increasing scorn, mot
even IL you were the man who sent
Dewey to the Philippines!'-Chicago
Tribune.
Now, Norton said one of the party
who had gone deep into the Maine
woods in search of adventure, I'VE
know you've been n famous hunter,
and we want to hear about some OF
the narrow escapes you've had from
bears, and so on" Young man." said
the old guide. with dignity. ''if there's
been any narrer escapes, the bears and
other fierce critters had 'em. not me-"
Boston Christian Register.
"Charie. dear" said the young moth
err, 1--WE decided on n name for baby.
We will call her Imogen.' Papa was
lost in thought for a few minutes. He
did not like the name, but If he oppos-
ed it his wife would have her own
way. That's nice" he said, presently.
"NIy first sweetheart was named Imo-
gen, and she viii take 1t as compll-
ment." 1--WE will call her Mary. after
my mother" was the stern reply.-Col-
lier's Weekly.
Sunday School Superintendent point
ing moraD-Yes, scholars. the great
thing is to know ones duty and then
do it. Admiral Dewey knew his duty
when he entered Manila Bay and saw
the Spanish ships. and the world has
seen how nobly he performed it. Now.
children. what is our duty in this
bright holiday season? How may we
emulate the great admiral? What
should we do when we see about us
the poor, the sick and the suffering?
Small-Boy Glass lin concerh-Lick 'em!
Exchange.
.