davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30
A KNIGHT OF THE OBVIOUS.

In the billiard-room at the local club one
night we were discussing panics. A re-
cent catastrophe at a music hall had
brought the subject forward. There was
nothing novel in the question. or, perhaps,
in our handling of it, but subsequent hap
penings made the conversation memorable.
What strikes me- said /. "about all these
affairs is that the loss Of life is due to the
omission of some act that seems afterward
simple and natural one. People will do
the widest things TO secure their own es-
cape, sometimes even 10 compass that Of
others. but the one needful and apparently
obvious course is overlooked"
Not SO strange, perhaps" said Cam
bridge, who is by way of being a small
poet: lin all departments of life the secret
of distinction is the cultivation Of the
Obvious
What a pity it is that no one has
thought of cultivating youi" growled Chan
dos. who is the kind of man TO whom a
commonplace becomes none the less inter
esting for being stood upon Its head. 1t
is fact that Cambridge, for all his para
dox is the most practicable" talker in
the club. Given the subject, his remarks
could be reported in advance. Cambridge
does not suspect this, as he possesses a
blind mans painful knack of feeling his
way along high roads worn dusty by the
thousands Of pedestrians that have preced-
ed him
Take literature for instance" he contin-
ued. "A relish for the obvious is the
qualification for Immortality. Shakes
peare utters more piatitudes than an ayiary
OF modern songblrds. Upper would have
ranked beside him. but for metrIeal origin
ality. His matter was all right. There
was nothing fresh there"
THE trouble with modern Shakes
peares," said the president. lis not that
they lack obyiousness. but that they were
not visible
I'VE were talking about panics." said
the journalist "All that is original In a
man seems to come TO the surface in mo-
ments of peril. Dickens knew that, and
made Mr.. Tupman (the most brainless of
all his charactersl hit out quite a clever
line for himself when Mr.. Pickwick went
through the ice. Mr.. Tupman, we are told
ran across the country at his utmost speed
screaming 'Fire," with all his might -
No one made a remark. and the jour
nalist, after an interval, continued.
Crowds have been known to stand by
and let a feilow-creature drown before
their eyes when the means of rescue were
easy and to hand. This, / suspect. is not
occasioned by callousness. or even by cow
ardiee. The sudden crisis has caused q
vast accession of originality. The minds
of the standers-by are occupied with the
details OF a thousand fantastic rescues
Such a commonplace as the stretching
out of hand or the throwing of a rope
occurs 10 no one"
You should found an order of knight
hood" said the poet. your knights-errant
10 be pledged to relieve distressed human
ity by not going out of their way
81 would take the VOWS, for one" said
Chandos. II am sure that the order would
be d very good thing"
1 made chatting comment but found &c
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30

see the agent about shipping he told me
that empty bottles not being on the sched-
ule he would have to bill .em as glass,
double first-class, and the highest rate of
all. | told him the road was hog. and
he allowed that most of the stock was own
ed in Chicago. | made bluff to hold on
few years till another road came in. but
something happened just then, and / let
em go quick
THE thing that happened was the neph-
ew of the old lady that owned the mine He
He came in on the very first regular train
into the Hills. He had the papers all
straight enough, and he looked up the
property. When he found 1t he found me
and my bottles. And he told me to get
out. But, b'ys, it broke my heart to think
Of leaving the mine and my rich pocket
not half worked out. couldn't do it. And
fixed up trade with him, and ii he would
go along and dig somewhere else, and not
bother me. I'd sell my bottles and buy the
mine But he was hard man to deal
with. not knowing anything about mines.
He and the road between EN- got every
cent of the proceeds, and | got deed to
the mine.
THE rest of the details are rather pain
full. / was undoubtedly millionaire for
a short while. Fortune came up, looked
me square in the face, and then, like the
priest Levite, passed by on the other side
In the excitement and hurry of pack
ing and shipping all them bottles-and
they all had to be put into barrels packed
in leaves, straw not bein' found in the
hills-I forgot my bottles OF gold, which for
safety was placed at certain point In the
big stack of bottles and the boys that
helped me pack 'em in, gold and all. and
they was sent to the bottling works at
Denver. 1t made me sick.
when l recovered from my Illness
went down there and demanded my gold.
But they stood me of. I could prove moth
ing, and they said probably the bottles
was not properly corked and it shook out
in transit. But l knew they had it. Twas
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30

vious in this instance, and his offence had
been one of commission only, in which case
he had done no practical harm.
1t was with rather a better heart that
Chandos went back into the tunnel. A
surgeon was already at work. and Chandos
attaching himself to, him. was of consid-
cradle service. The Sight of blood upset
him less than it did the other amateurs.
You did not see The worst thing, though"
said the doctor. TT was a. child in white
sailor suit H. NJ. S. Constant was his
vessel, poor little onei He was taken out
of ffrst-class compartment. He had been
stunned and cut in the first accident. and
left to bleed to death Not another soul
was found in the compartment. but there
were business bags in the rack and two
pipes upon the floor. l suppose the child
was travelling with his father. l don't
know where the man got to. but I hope
now, for his own sake. that he is dead
Constant Constant, You could not
have mistaken the ship?'
Good God, mani cried the doctor.
springing forward, and taking Chandos by
the shoulder drink some Of this
Chandos pushed away the proffered bran
dy. though his head was describing a half
circle, as a smtten animals will do be-
fore 1t drops from fatal blow.
Whatever your share in this may have
been" said the doctor. Il swear that you
have acted like brave man"
Il was reading said Chandos eve had
entered the tunnel, but did not know it.
had forgotten where | was and who was
with me. They ought not to be allowed to
sell newspapers. Then the accident hap
pened-and l wanted to save people,
Yes, yes said the surgeon. He had
half persuaded, half forced, Chandos to sit
down.
I'VE had talked so much about accidents.
and 1t all came back to me there in the
dark. | had nothing but those talks in my
mind-not even the time table. | wanted
good God.-to show that l had common
sense"
There is nothing to be gained by con-
tinung the story. II is not a very pleas
ant one TO tell. / wanted the world to un-
derstand the circumstances in which my
friend came to desert his only child. There
have been some rather cruel misstatements
made about him. ! may add that, when his
fears were confirmed absolutely, Chandos
said but two words. THE obvious" Then
he replaced the covering with infinite ten
derness and until he reached home he
spoke no further word.-The Sketch.
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30
Good TAILORING.

The men look toward Horn for the best tailor
ing for the least money. l have demonstrated to
them that highclass tailoring doesn't necessarily
denote eXOrbitant prices | do treble the bust
ness of any tailor in Washington, therefore, you
can readily see why my prices are in every in
stance one third lower, and often onehalf those
of other tailors. l carry stock of wooens that
in variety and exclusiveness eclipses any showing
that ever met your gaze. My force of talors are
the finest that liberal wages can influence The
make, fit and wear of every garment l turn out
is generously guaranteed.
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30

THE FORT of
the body is the
stomach. Disease
can only enter
through this
gate.
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30

only this summer the head Of the firm re-
tired from business and went to Milwaukee
and married a lovely beer lady there. I
saw her picture in The Hanky-Panky
Magazine
''And so it's. b'ys, that I'm a cowboy.
and you all are associating with me on
equal terms.
The mine? oh yes. Being now the le-
gal owner. / put the deed on record and
picked out some chuncks Of the richest
rock for the assayer.
HE didn't charge me a cent. He Just
looked at it and me contemptuous. That's
mica, said he; what do you mean BY
bringing fools gold to me?''
But it looked like the real stuff had il
the bottles. So I made up my mind tina.
my eyesight wasn't good enough for min
ing, and l quit.
And that's the truth. "-Argonaut.
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30

At about II o'clock yesterday morning tive
ladies driving in a buggy were run into by an
other rig and the front wheel OF their vehicle
was badly damaged Although no one was hurt
it shows that We are always liable to accident
and it is sensible to be prepared much as pos
sible 4 bottle of Tharp's Pure Berkeley rye
has many a time been the means of saving life
in case of sudden sickness. This fine whisky
is a welcome visitor everywhere. and experts pro-
nounce it the purest and most delicious whisky
sold today. 1t is only si.00 a full quart at
Tharp's wholesale department, SD Street
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30
4 Pathetic Case
Frum the Cleveland Plain Dealer.)

Frum the Cleveland Plain Dealer.)
He was suing for a divorce
Judge" he said, and there was a pitiful trem-
or in his voice. every night she made up the
most awful chahng-dish messes that mortal man
ever sampled
But YOU didn't have to eat them" said the
judge, sharply.
The plaintiff looked at the Judge pityingly.
''fou don't know my wife, judge" he simply
said.
He got his decree
The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30
over ONE THOUSAND

letters were received, 500 having reached my
place on the first delivery Monday morning
many of those who competed for the prizes upon
the care and intelligence with which most of the
answers were executed. AS quickly as the letters
came in they were stamped in rotation that the
judges could make no error in picking them up
with no discrimination.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
The Sailor ano rne Figu-chend.

Old sailors sigh as they wandes
around the water front these days arS
note the disappearance of the famous
old fgurehead. which used to be the
delight Of every clipper ships crew.
They were huge wooden images of al
most everything imaginable. but the
female form predominuted. Many fig
ureheads were to represent the fair
one after whom the ship was named.
and there Is AL old sea yarn about a
sailor who fell in love with the hand
home wooden female which adorned
his ship. He used to slip down the
dolphin striker" and hang on there.
while the ship bowed aud lurched,
talking love to the figurehead. Finally,
, according to forecnstle tradition, the
figure sneezcd. and the sailor, who was
known as Lovely Nike" because he
was the ugliest man that ever set foot
on q ships deck. nearly fell into the
sea. He recovered his senses and said.
Ibid you speakT
"No, didn't speak," returned the
figure. II just sneezed to attract your
attention. You're known US Lovely
Mike amt you? You're a married
man. amt you? And your wife has to
| take in washing both when you're at
home and when you're away, because
she can never get 4 cent out of you.
Mr.. Farmer, just climb back to the
forecastle and don't bother any more
about me-"
This rather curt Interview Is alleged
to have worked a marked change in
Mike, and when he got home he aston
ished his wife by giving her a couple
of dollars.-Baltimore News.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29

In the United States fish poisoning Is
most frequently due to decomposition
In canned fish. The most prominent
symptoms are nausea, vomiting and
purging. Sometimes there Is n scarla-
tinous rash. which may cover the
whole body. The writer has studied
two outbreaks of this kind of fish poi
soning. In both instances canned salm-
on was the cause Of the trouble. AL
though a discussion Of the treatment Of
food poisoning is foreign to this paper,
the writer must call attention to the
danger in the administration of Opt
ates in cases of poisoning with canned
fish.
Vomiting and purging are efforts on
the part of nature to remove the poi
son and should be assisted by the storn-
ach tube and by irrigation Of the colon.
In one of the cases seen by the writer
large doses Of morphine had been adj
ministered In order to check the. vom'
iting and purging and to relieve the
pain. In this case death resulted. The
danger of arresting the elimination OF
the poison in all cases Of food poison
ing cannot be too emphatically con-
demned. c. Vaughan in Pop
ular Science Monthly.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
WINGS OF THE HONEYBEE.
A Microscopic View of One OF Ma
lures Wonderful Schemes.

A Microscopic View of One OF Ma
lures Wonderful Schemes.
At q meeting Of the New York MI
croscopical society the president of the
organization exhibited. besides other
things, the honeybee's wing, showing
the booklets by means of which the
lower of the two wings Of the bee Is
Joined to the upper wing in flying, thus
making them practically single wing.
The upper of the two wings is about
half an inch In length, the lower q little
shorter. The wings come together
where they are Joined to the body;
they are otherwise separate. When the
bee goes into its hive. 1t folds Its wings
together, one leaf over the other. so
that they will take up less room. When
It goes abroad. it spreads its wings and
couples them together with the hooks.
When looked at under the microscope.
the upper edge Of the lower wing Is
seen to be REINFORCED as though 1t had
an extra plate or rib stretched along
there. and to this rib. spaced apart at
regular intervals, though they are oil
contained within total space Of little
more than q quarter of an inch. there
are attached 10 or 20 tiny. bony hooks
There is little thickening at the base
of each hook. where nature has
strengthened it, and one is inclined to
regard the hooks as inset separately
and to look for the rivets wherewith
they were secured to the plate or rib
from which they spring.
The lower edge of the upper wing, as
looked at under the microscope, Is seen
to be curled up into a fiange or trough.
When the bee comes out of the hive, it
hooks the hooks on the upper edge Of
the lower wing into that fiange or trough
at the lower edge Of the upper wing
and so makes the two wings practical
~ one.-New York Sun.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29

about 5000 kegs aud barrels of ca
pers, a small, sour berry resembling in
color and shape a green pea. are an
nually imported into the United States
from Spain and France" said q whole
sale dealer In all sorts of foreign con-
dIments In New York to the writer re-
Gently. "Capers grow on bush, and
are extensively used by all classes OF
cooks In this country for garnishing
salads and making a sauce which Is
usually served with boiled mutton and
other meats. There are four sizes of
capers. The smallest are commercially
known as nonparells and the three 9th.
er sizes are called capucines, capotes
and surfines. The smallest capers are
the most desirable and bring the most
money. Very few capers are imported
In glass. They are shipped to America
In kegs and barrels. holding from Is to
40 gallons of the berries In brine or
vinegar. The work of bottling the ca.
pers Is done by the wholesale dealers"
Washington Star.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
Not Wasted on Her.

This happened to the wife of q we'll
known merchant who Is rather con-
spicuous for his devotion to the church.
His spouse. dressing one Sunday morn
ing. got into waist that more than
put Joseph's coat in the shade. She
was conscious of the color scheme, but
decided to ask her husbands and her
fathers opinions before wearing the
garment to church. They agreed, poor
men. that she was delightfully."- dressed
and that the waist could hardly be i'm.
proved upon.
SO they went to church, the wife
with secret misgivings, which, as the
case turned out, were well enough
founded. for they were no sooner seat.
ed In Grace Episcopal church than the
Rev. DR.. Worthington gave out the
text. I'VE will read" the reverend rec.
tor said. "from the gospel Of St. Mat
thew, the sixteenth chapter and eighth
verse, To what purpose is this
waste?"
The gUoo woman collapsed in her
pew ana never raised her head during
the remaining portion of the service
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
A MECHANICAL MARVEL.
What Sixty Miles an Hour Means ia
the IocOmoffve

the Locomotive.
1t all sounds simple in the recital
The wonder Of the thing comes into
view only when one reflects ON the
| speed and nicely with which cumbrous
parts are made to do their duty. The
piston and connecting bar of n modern
locomotive weigh some 600 pounds.
When the speed is 60 miles an hour,
| these parts travel back and forth five
times a second. Ten times a second.
at the end Of every stroke, the piston
head is ut rest. 1t must pass from this
| condition to velocity of 1.S00 feet per
minute In one-twentieth Of a second.
The drive wheels measure more than
q rod at every revolution. but when
going 60 miles IN hour they must turn
more than 300 times q minute.
Sixty miles an hour is the merest
| commonplace to the mind Of the up
to date railroad man. but it means
other things besides those described
that are wonderful to the outsider. II
means a steam pressure blow of ~
tons on each piston head every tenth
| of a second. 1t means that up In the
cab the fireman Is throwing into the
| furnace two-thirds of ton of coai
every hour. No. 800 burns coal faster
than ten men can mine it. 1t means
two quarts of oil every hour to Keep
her Journal boxes creased and every.
| thing running smoothly. 1t means tina.
the engine with its half dozen cars ana
load of human freight Is moving
through space with twice the power OF
q shot from a 100 ton gun. 1t means
that the engineer has worked her up
to the point where she can use every
once Of steam, that he is coaxing her
as a Jockey urges his mount In nerce
race. and yet 1t means that he Is ready
at a seconds notice to move the re-
versing lever and apply the airDrakes
that will stop the mighty avalanche
within the distance that 1t covers as
1t stands on the tracks.-Earl w.
/ MayO in Ainslee'S
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29

Japanese are very fond Of strolliug
through their bazaars. You enter at
one door and leave by another. Goods
for sale are displayed on each side Of
aisles that wind through the length
of the shop. Passing up and down
these aisles. they lead you to the Sec
Ond and often third story Of the build
ing and then back again through diff
ferent aisles, causing you to travel the
length Of the establishment many
times. Finally you see the doorway a
few feet distant. but even then you
must travel this maze several times its
length to escape.
Usually shopping Is very restful in
Japan. You sit around on the floor,
and in some shops they bring you cups
of ten to sip and "hibachi" from
which to light your pipe.-Baltimore
Sun.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
Old Dances In Old T,r..

In Edward scSt's Dancing In All
Ages" are some } rious details about
the dances used by Nur forefathers.
Joan Sanderson was n "iollv
dance" in Mr.. SCOTS oAdnition, for be-
fore 1t was ended each lazy had kissed
I'LL the gentlemen twice, am each man
had been equally enterprisiAg. Mary
Stuart danced the Volta" though
mot SO high and so disposedlyE rs
Elizabeth. In King Charles time PEG.
pie danced .Trenchmore." the "Cush-
ion Dance" "Omnium Gatherum" and
"Hcite cum Tote"
"All In q Garden Green" Gathering
Of Peascods," "Lumps of Pudding"
"Under and Over" 1.-The Bath" 1.-THE
Slaughter House" and Have at Thy
Coat. Old Woman" are dances not
quite so old.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
A JACK OF ALL TRADES.
Stuart Had Lots of Fun With HI
Travelling COMPANIONS.

Stuart Had Lots of Fun With His
Travelling Companions.
The contemporaries of Gilbert Stuart
praise not only his portraits, but his con-
versation, which exceiled in apt phrases,
liveliness of expression and in humor.
Once while in England he was travelling
in q stagecoach with several gentlemen,
strangers to him, but sociable and full of
good spirits. They became so interested
in their fellow passengers talk that they
were curious to know who and what he
was.
One of them put q roundabout Ques-
ton to find out the strangers calling.
and Stuart answered that he sometimes
dressed gentlemen's and ladies' hair.
You are Il hairdrcsser. then"
"What?' exclaimed Stuart. "Do you
take me for u barber?"
Il beg your pardon, sir, but l inferred
1t from what you said. May take the
liberty to ask what YOU arc?'
"Why, l sometimes brush gentle
mans coat or hat. and sometimes adjust
a cravat."
"oh, you are valet, then, to some
nobleman?"
"a valet. Indeed. am not! am not
a servant! To be sure. make coats and
waistcoats for gentlemen"
'Oh. you are tailor"
Tailor. Do l look like a tailor?
never handled a goose, other than u
roasted one"
By this time the passengers were roar
ing with laughter. and one said:
What, then, are you?
"I'll tell you," answered Stuart. 81
dress hair, brush hats and coats, adjust
a cravat, make coats, waistcoats and
brooches, and likewise boots and shoes"
"Oho, u boot and shoe maker, after
allv
Guess again, gentlemen. l never han
died boot or shoe but for my own feet,
yet all have told you is true"
1--WE may as we'll give up guessing"
And again there was burst of laughter.
Now, gentlemen, l will not play the
fool with you any longer. get my bread
by making faces" said Stuart, so screw
ing his face that the passengers shook
with merriment.
"Ah, you are comedian"
81 never was on the STAGE" said Stu
art us the stage drove up to its stopping
place, where the passengers separated.
Gentlemen" said Stuart, ''all l have
said Of my various employments is in
cluded in these words: i am a portrait
painter. IL you will call on me, l shall
be ready to brush you a coat or hat.
dress your hair. accommodate you with
boots or shoes. give you rutfles or cravats
and make faces for you."-Youth's Com.
panion.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
The Bachelor.

A bachelor is coward and fail
ure. He shaves and primps. but Is too
cowardly to put his arm around sue
cess and press 1t to his bosom. He re-
solves to marry every day for 40 years,
but when the hour for the duel ar
rives. wen in the presence Of trem.
bling, r1y cheeks, when beauty shakes
her cusis. his courage oozes. and he
fees II field without even learning Of
the COZ path that leads to matrimony.
Bettertsbe old darby 'Rastus in his
cabin. where he holds old Dlnah's hand
and asks. who's sweetF and Dinah
drops her head on his shoulder and
says. "Bofe of us"-Shawnee Daily
Chief.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
Reelected Greatness.

When, as a boy, the Duke Of SAKE
Coburg and Gotha visited the island of
Barbados, his washing was done for
him by n negress named Jane Ann
Smith, who was over 6 feet in height.
She was so pulled up at being patronlz-
ed by royalty that she claimed preced-
ence at once over all the other washer
women and retained It for many years.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-12-29
Not DisputinE 1t.

anybody who knows enough" said
Mr.. Spifins, ''can learn something
from anybody else, however ignorant
the latter may be-"
THAT Is true" assented Mrs. Spiffins
cheerfully. Now, can occasionally
learn something from you."-Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.