The people's journal. (Pickens, S.C.) 1891-1903, 1899-02-09
PEN PICTURE OF STATESMEN
Il GALAXY OF HOMELINESS
Charcoal Sketches or tho Newly
ELECTED Officials in the State
House,

House.
L. Larry CAN'T in Evening Star.
Ii is indeed a pleasure for homoly
man to visit our State capitol, since
tho newly elected officers have gone
into power, for he ls made to feel
happy, at home and handsome. TO
Judge from the faces Of the public SER
wants whom tho people have selected
to serve thom fer tho next two years.
u stranger would think that our voters
had either gotten them out OF a grab.
bag or selected them in the dark. We
arc told that beauty unadorncd is
most adorned" but it would be Il diff
ticult undertaking to impair the looks
mcnt. In fact, If you could cncase
their heads in u corn sack it would be
a decided Improvement. We have all
heard Of tho homcly fellow whose face
would scare q locomotive eff the track.
| have mover met that ungainly indi-
vidual, but feel assured If he was ex.
hibited alongside our Governor, sccro-
taly of State, and last, but far from
lCast, our State treasurer, that he could
pass among art critics for the model
from which tho statue OF Apollo was
carved, and be looked upon as ~ thing
OF beauty and Il JOY forever. do not
has any special grievance against
South Carolina, but when our worthy
body OF State I'll cera were being manu-
factured, all the good looks material
had been used up and only some ragged
and Jagged ends were left over. AS q
consolation to VIC homCly mortals it is
said that beauty Is only skin dcop."
But this certainly don't apply to our
friends in the State House, for you
might skin them down into the bone
without reaching the seat OF their ugli
ness. 1t is just born in them, and you
might run them through a bark mill and
IL couldn't be ground out. They would
just have TO be moulded over again.
Not being endowed with angelic
beauty myself. feel have right to
comment IN other peoples looks, and
that | am critic on homelincss. But
when | do enter our State capitol and
pay my respects to the officers, | nl-
ways return to the hotel with q smil-
ing face, and spend delightful hour
in admiring my classic features in a
mirror. 1t is like gazing upon some
lovely landscape from a mountain top,
after ascending through Il rough and
rugged wilderness. We have all heard
OF the pockct-knife presented to the
hOmely fellow, with thecOmmand that
himself to turn it over Now, did the
owner .! the knife chance 10 visit
Columbia, and call at our State House,
he would be mysttied as to tho right
full ownership, there would be SO many
worthy claimants. Every style OF
homellness is there represented, and
it would take microscopic inveetiga
tiOn to decide between the different
contestants: s. 80 S!':',
Let US first take our friend, his cx-
cellency. Governor Ellerbc has an
open; honest face and a pleasing coun-
tcnance. But there. his attractions
was created from the dust Of tho earth.
or course this is true. But to gaze
Into our Governors face, ono is led bu
believe that before the dust got
thoroughly dry dirt dauber camc
along and worked il over in all kinds
OF fantastic shapes. ln'fact, sculptor
could take dull meat axe and u chunk
of wood and in an hour hew out*a most
admirable image OF the chief executive
OF the old Palmetto State. 1t was said
Of Joseph n. Brown, Of Georgia, that
ho LOOKED, ike an ola rebuilt ten.rail
fence, stakSd and ridered. Wcll, this
would apHgy to Governor Ellerbe, il
two rails were taken from that fence
moved.
But our Governor is by no means
vain OF his looks, which is accounted
for from the fact that he always keeps
b loOking-g glass in his Office. How it
| has Escaped boing shivered into a
thousand pieces Is mystery unoX-
| planned. II must be u piece Of polished
steel armor. If Uncle Sam could have
tho component parts Of the mirror
that hangs in the Governors Office
analysed, we would have q coating for
war-ships that's a thundcr-bolt couldn't
.phuze or dent
Just acress the hall We; find our new
secretary OF State, Nj. II. Cooper,
COopcr's personal appearance, my
brain refuses to act and my pen tl
move. Even Wcbster's abridged
fails TO supply words to depict his ap
pearance. In going to town through
thick, red mud every day my ouggy
| wheels are constantly moulding anG
picking up what might pass for small
clay models OF my friend Cooper. Hi:
hair ia about the color Of pure Peruvian
i guaDo, his eyes are cut bias and fringcC
with q thick growth OF saffron hueC
lashes, and when Cooper smiles it ex
tends from ear to ear, and, you have 9
| panorama OF NOUN ana BOOu humOf.
always hunt up Mr.. Cooper when ir
Columbia, for leave him satisfied thai
| have been blessed with more than my
share Of good looks.
Then comes Colonel Floyd, ad jutan
and Inspector general. Colonel Floyd
l. think, labors under the blssful hallu
cination that he is q handsome man
but never was mortal more sadly mis-
taken. in fact, that q critical public
might not Judge the colonel too harsh
ly, recommended to him aS armorcl
Dave Alley, and beside whom an alli
) gator would show to advantage
Colonel Floyd always reminds me OF 1
. bald.headcd owl, and the peculiar way
he has Of roosting on the lower rount
OF his chair as il he was fixing to.pusi
1.somc chiGkonGll the roost. The colonc
was q gallant soldier and lost an ,.rn
in battle. The Yapkces evidently tOol
RsSafa,fft t,@l and tried to wing; him
f'f"dS AK my friend Floyd to some TIM
take % good, squarc, honost look in +h'
glass, and perhaps his mind Will under
90 u chang &c in regard to his persona
appearance.