Keowee courier. [volume] (Pickens Court House, S.C.) 1849-current, 1899-06-22
odd PENSION OFFICE letters
PICTURESQUE ACCOUNTS OF WOES ON
WHICH APPLICATIONS ARE BASED.
APPLICANTS RC0hE RRC00ME POETIC P00HTIIG IT THINKS THINKS,
Ones Sense Of Humor May be Fed for Hours
at the National Pension Office.


"Wo probably file more queer let
tcrs in our department." said a pen
sion office clerk, the other day, ethan
are received in any other branch of
the government service, hardly
excepting the post office. Some of
them are intensely amusing, too. I
have concluded that imagination is
not bound down by illiteracy, either,
because some of the most ignorantly
written letters display inventive
genius and cover the whole range of
fact, fiction and an Ananias-liko pro-
pensity for lying. Men write to have
their pensions increased. Ncighbors
write to help along the cause of a
man seeking pension. Wives write
to tell the commissioner why they
ought to get pensions. Family trou-
bles are aired for the benefit of the
office. Sometimes the letters are so
odd that l have waived rcd tape
long enough to make copies of some
of them. For instance, this is one
from man asking for a pension after
all these years:
"'The way | got my war ingery
was a-ketchiE' of a hog. The hog
wor SOW hog and our captain wanted
her for forage. We was chasin' the
SOW and she crawled threw a hoal in
a rale fence-it war big hoal, and I
thot | war about the sis of the hog
and tried to crawl threw, but I stuck,
and tryin to wigle out ] throde the
rales off and one hit me on my he'd
and nocked me scnslcss. | do not
think the SOW pig had nothing to do
with my line for duty, fer l did not
ketch the hog. Wich she never war
caught
GA neighbor tried to do a pension
seeker good turn in the following
effusion:
"'I varily believe that Orville
Jameson is fatiged from carnin his
leavin becos he is too fatt ways 200
pounds and hav family to fcad-
the nabors think no hav dropsy, but
| no he hav no dropsy bocos he would
bust if he had moar insides him than
he now hav, besides wich he arc with
out vitious habits or references. |
no he hav solid fatt and vittcls in him
an no dropsy.'
ga New England farmer, who
seems perfectly certain in his own
mind that pension will be forth
co ming just because he asks for it,
writes to the commissioner in spirit
of vindictivcness against his wife,
which seems little excusable after
you read his letter:
"l got blood plson by being hit
with a hens eg which was not good
when you send my pensen I want the
Deed made sos my wife cant get
mono off it--shc throde the cg.'
ga Pennsylvania pensioncr valves
his demand for an increase of pen
sion on consideration of being other
wise provided for, and writes direct
to the Secretary of the Interior to
this effect:
" Now, want you or the comese-
mir of pcnscns to give me q plais in
your ofits-then won't ask for no
moar razo in pensen JUS now. can
clurk O. k. but can't labcr, or cud
boss the other clurks and maik them
stan roun an raze dcwlic cntitcl pen
sens keape them from loafingc whes
perrin in offcs ours in fack akt as
janctcr or supporviser secinge al!
all thing goan rite
GA widow, feeling herself entitled
to large pension, writes o detailed
statement of her husbands suffer
ings and death. Among other things
she says:
"My husband was tcrribel bloat-
ed. 1t didn't look like hissel. He
couldn't stoop over and straitcn mp
without helping hisscl. TO ham,
beans, pork, mashed potatoes, eggs,
veal, cabbage, his st%mmach was
rcpulsive. His rumatism was the
kind called lhmbago-at furst. His
dropsy was terribcl.
Up. S.-When my husband come
back from the war l supported him
on my needle tell he died.
ga man from Delaware did not
think that the doctors certificate he
sent would have sufficient influence,