The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1899-05-19
YOU CAN'T BEAT EN-.
tHlS WAS JoBsoNS CONCLUSION
ABOUT WOMEN IN GENERAL.

Il wns Prompted by Midnight Ex-
perience with His wife, In which
the Revenge That lie Had Planned
So Well Went sadly Astray.
Mr.. Jobson got home from his Office
at fl one afternoon not long ago and
found a note from Mrs. Jobson saying
that she had gone to hear the perform
snce of a long haired pianist and that
he d find his dinner all ready for the
girl to serve it.
"That's a good thing, too, )" unused
Mr.. Jobson sulkily when he had read
the note. cts wonder these mattress
headed geniuses that come over here to
this country and rake in American dol
lars, hating Americans all the time,
wouldn't call their game at an hour
that 'ud permit toiling mans wife to
be on hand at hcme to give him some
thing to eat when he wants 1t, etc.
The opportunity was too good for
Mr.. Jobson to miss, so he declined to
eat any dinner when the servant put it
on the table. Instead he slammed on
his hat and went down town
He wanted to give Mrs. Jobson a les.
son. He ate an unsatisfactory dinner at
a restaurant and then poked around
until it was time for variety theater
to open its doors. He had to watch a
lot of poorly played billiard games in
order to put in this time and to talk
with lot of bachelors, from whose
ways of thinking he had departed.
He was bored exceedingly by theater
time. The show bored him still more,
but he stuck it out, for he wanted to
get home as late as possible, the better
to rub it in on Mrs. Jobson. By II
o'clock he reflected that he had had a
pretty poor sort of an evening-his
evening paper unread, his favorite pipe
neglected for a lot of cigars that gave
him heartburn, poor dinner, idle talk
with a slew of men that he didn't want
to talk to, and finally a tawdry, cheap
variety performance that might have
got laugh out of him ten years before
but was only SO much ribaldry to him
now.
He took in couple more billiard
games, however, after the show and
threw a couple of cocktails into him
self, not because he cared to drink, but
because he wanted Mrs. Jobson to smell
his breath and thus perceive the awful
| consequences of her conduct
Mrs. Jobson was comfortably tucked
in bed when Mr.. Jobson got home
about half an hour after midnight. She
had not even left a light burning in
the vestibule or in the bedroom. She
woke up very leisurely when Mr.. job
son started one of the gas jets going
She didn't say anything, however.
Mr.. Jobson had expected 10 find her
up, fully dressed and in tears. He was
disappointed. He was more disappoint-
ed that she didn't greet him with re-
pinings. Mr.. Jobson saw that she was
likely to go to sleep again and that he
wasn't causing any grief at all by be-
ing naughty and keeping still. So he
cleared his throat and said:
Ibid he play the buck dance concerto
in q minor with his hair, and how was
itT
There was lot of sarcasm in the
way Mr.. Jobscn asked this question.
| Mrs. Jobson didn't turn over at all.
"What are you talking aboutT' she
inquired sleepily.
~ want to know if that Dutchmar
that kept you away from your duty ot
serving a meal to your husband after
his day of grinding labor gave you your
moneys worth also if you think you re
making any kind of hit with anybody
by these methods, hey ?"
"Oh, the recital; that's what you r.
speaking of, ism it ?" said Mrs. Jobsor
sweetly. "Well, didn't go. had in
tended to go when l started out shop
ping in the morning and left the note
for you telling you so, but thought Il
might annoy you to have me away
from dinner, and so, when concluded
my shopping, about O. clock this after
noon, l decided not to go to the recital
The Fourteenth street car that brought
me up town passed the car that tool
you down town. l saw you on the cal
and wondered why you were going IL
that direction. l suppose you had to g
back to your Office to work. It's shame
full the way they're overworking you
you poor old thing" and then Mrs
Jobson, who knew that Mr.. JobsoI
hadn't been working at his Office, turned
over and subsided into dreamy slumber
"You can't beat EN-" thought Mr.
Jobson when he got into bed. He wa
thinking of women in general. Wash
ington Star.