The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-03-02
DOCTERS HEARD FROM.
Burlesque Petition Appears on Legis-
lators' Desks.


A bufIesque petition signed by a
| regular doctor" appeared in the legis-
! lature yesterday, having been placed
on the desks of members before the ses-
sion opened.
The petition is as follows, being adj
dressed to the speaker of the house:
1--WE humbly come to thee with bend
ed knees and bowed heads, praying that
you, in your goodness of heart, extend
to us all the advantages and emolu-
mentS granted trusts; and we pray thee
that in framing laws for the protection
of the people, in heavens name we be-
seech you not to overlook our medical
monopoly trust, realizing, as we do Mr..
Speaker, that our ancient and moss
covered ideas by intelligent people are
being attacked without conjunction
and repudiated without rernorse. And
unless, Mr.. Speaker, our practice is de-
clared scientific by the strong arm of
the law, many of our noble, sacrificing
band relegated to the cotton patch,
where, Mr.. Speaker, the majority be-
long. Yet pray thee to save US this
dire humiliation.
I'VE realize the fact Mr.. Speaker,
that we are not able by the merit of
our practice to gain and longer hold
the confidence of the dear people, and
unless you come to our timely assist
Rnce we are doomed, we having done
everything that a depraVed mind could
suggest in our vain effort to stamp
out all other schools of medicine. But,
Mr.. Speaker, they seem to flourish with
their reform ideas of treatment, in spite
of SANDER, persecution, the code of med
zeal ethics and our present medical
law.
THE people, in their ignorant intel
igence, have found that calomel,
quinine, morphine, the coal tar derivi-
tlVeS ana proprietary medicines consti-
tute our medical armament, and our
services are no longer necessary or
sought after. They have also found,
Mr.. Speaker, that these preparations
can be purchased at any drug store for
a few pence without our sanction; and
we pray thee, Mr.. Speaker, that the
druggist be compelled by law to deSist
from counter prescribing and send all
their prospective patients to some reg
ular allOpathic doctor, that we NAV look
wise and write for these preparation a
latin prescription, for which we may
exact an exorbitant fee, the physiologi-
cal action of which interests us most
Teach the people by law that they
must respect our opinions and bow to
our domineering dictates. And when
we, in financial distress, in conclave are
assembled, and deeming it to our pc
cuniary benefit to declare a yellow fe-
yer or smallpox scare, even though the
cases are but suspicious, we ask that
our opinions be made legally right
I'VE also ask, Mr.. Speaker, that vac
cination be made compulsory, as there
is nothing earthly that rebounds so
well to our finances as an occasional
scare of this kind. Assist US, Mr.. Speak
er, by law to impose on the confiding
credullty of the people. We realize, Mr..
Speaker, that as a class we are the
greatest humbugs on earth, and we
realize also, Mr.. Speaker, that our pro-
fession has done more harm in the last
two years than all other causes COM
bined, and we earnestly ask that our
monopoly bill be made a law before too
late, in the state board of health bill
now before your honorable body for
consideration. We have asked for near
ly everything in sight, and we would
ask that our demands be granted; as it
is necessary, Mr.. Speaker, that we con-
troll the practice of medicine that we
may be able to better prosecute our OPP
position.
THE contagious and infectious dis
eases of cattle should be placed in our
charge, as the majority of US are best
fitted for cattle practice. We ask also,
Mr.. Speaker, that the quarantine regu-
lations by land and sea be entrusted
with US. 1t is absolutely necessary, as
the fees are the essential element of our
prayer We would humbly ask thee
Mr.. Speaker, that, If in our desire to
serve the dear people in this matter, we
have neglected to add to our bill any
thing to which a fee can be added.
phase attach it, for which you have our
everlasting gratitude.
I'VE would ask thee, Mr.. Speaker,
grant these few requests, and when the
legislature is again assembled you, and
each of you, will be returned to serve
the people whose interests you so nobly
guarded