Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-11-30

Uncle Dlck-l nope you are boOu
boy In school. BobbIe. Bobbie-Naw!
I'm going to be hero.-New York
Journal.
In extenuation.-Sally Gay-But,
dear, he Is gambler. Dolly Swift
Yes, / know. but he has such winning
ways.-Judge.
Suitor-D earest--idol of my heart
say you will be mine. Widow-How
much alimony do you usually pay?-
New York Journal.
Were in pickle. now" said a man
in crowd. "A regular JAM" said an
other. Heaven preserve u.s." exclaim-
ed an old lady.-Columbu State Jour-
nal.
Sharp little thing: Papa" said the
| missionary workers little daughter. II
am playing that my dolls are heathen."
'sThat Is nice, DEAR" "And-and-papa,
I want 10 cents to pay my salary
!! Puck.
He had his arm about her shoulders
when the young brother dashed into
the room, playing street car"
"Change to the belt line" whoOped the
innocent youngster as he dashed out
| again.-Detroit Free Press.
"And did you shake hands with
Dewey when you were In New York at
tending the reception to hlmT mo,
but succeeded in buying a rose that
is warranted to have been run over by
| his arriage."-Chicago Times-Herald.
Stuhb-So the audience found the
show to be a fake? Pennies, and
among them was football captain.
| He made the biggest kick. Stubb-
| Good for you! But how did he express
himself? Penn-He said he wanted his
| quarter back.
| "Come on" said Noah, looking at his
watch, Its time we were getting into
the ark" You'll have to wait a min
ute," replied Mrs. Noah from the top
| Of the stairway. I'm not going out
without my rainy day skirt on."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
| Tramp-Lady. I'm hungry. an I'm
lookin' fer a chance to work Lady
very well; there's the wOodpilc. Tramp
| Lady, 1t amt perite to interrupt. l
was jest sayin' I'm lookin' fer chance
TO work somebody fer me breakfast
New York World.
| Mrs. Casey-If liver catch your goat
| atm me washin' agin. Mrs. Mulligan.
I'll sue We fer damages. Mrs. Multi
/ gan-There's no made of sum, Mrs.
Casey. Coon oyer here an I'll give
We all the damages ye want an more,
| too.-New York Journal.
Money talks" they observed. There
came into the eyes Of the millionaire
the wild, hunted look peculiar to his
| kind. But it doesn't give itself away!
he cried, agonizedly. For the fear that
he would die rich was haunting him in
day and night shifts.-Detroit Journal.
did you ever earn an honest dollar
in your life?' Never" answered
Meandering Mike. "Onst worked two
hours fur a dollar, but when l got it
I found it had a plug in it, right over
de head of de American eagle. OATS
what embttered me life."-Washing-
ton Star.
Caddie: 'Lemme carry yer clubs.
boss. l kin be ez blind and ez deaf as
er postv' Golfer: II don't consider
that any particular recommendation!
Caddie: mot IL yer playin' wild yer
chum err yer mudderin-law; but wen
yer playin' wild yer girl 1t pays ter hev
err caddie wot knows his biz"-Puck.
Housekeeper: why are apples so
high in price? Market-man: "Cause
they're scarce, num-" Housekeeper:
But the papers said the crop was so
enormous that apples were rotting on
the trees all over the country" Mar
ket-man: "Yes'm. That's why they're
scarce. 1t didn't pay to pick EN-
Hew York Weekly.
Marry your" the young woman
scornfully exclaimed; 81 wouldn't
marry you if you we're" Jupiter
Olympus, the Car of Russia. or the
Count of Monte Cristo?" sarcastlcally
interrupted the young man. 'No." she
rejoined. with increasing scorn, mot
even IL you were the man who sent
Dewey to the Philippinesr-Chi
Tribune
Now, Morton" said one of the party
who had gone deep into the Maine
woods in search of adventure. 1--WE
know you've been famous hunter,
and we want to hear about some OF
the narrow escapes you've had from
bears, and so on" young man." said
the old guide. with dignity. ''if there's
been any narrer escapes. the bears and
other fierce critters had 'em. not mev'
Boston Christian Register.
Charlie. dear" said the young moth
or. ''I've decided on a name for baby.
We will call her Imogen," Papa was
lost in thought for few minutes. he
did not like the name, but If he oppOs-
ed 1t his wife would have her own
way. That's NICE" he said. presently.
"My first sweetheart was named Imo-
gen, and she will take 1t as compli-
ment." I'VE will call her Mary. after
my mother" was the stern rcply.-Col-
lier's Weekly.
Sunday School Superintendent point
ing n moraD-Yes, scholars. the great
thing is to know ones duty and then
do Ii. Admiral Dewey knew his duty
when he entered Manila Bay and saw
the Spanish ships. and the world has
seen how nobly he performed 1t. Now.
children. what Is our duty In this
bright holiday season? How may we
emulate the great admiral? What
| ,haulI xx-a 10 xyhan xva coo oIn,,t a..