The times., 1899-07-10
BILL MARTIN HAS FAITH.
He Is Certain That Christian Science
Brings His Dog to Life.


They were pair of very loud gentlemen
and their appearance gave promise of
trouble. A very ungentlemanly looking
dog completed the party, and they assured
the office boy that they would bite him
and allow blood poisoning to set in if he
did not ''trot out the editor" 1t was then
learned that Foxy Bill Martin and
friends" had. made a call.
Say" said Foxy Bill, Il want TO see
the man that roasts the Christian Signs.
just want t kill him, that's all. Is he
ing"
The gentleman was informed that the
doomed party had just left for the Phil
ippines and might never return.
We'll" said Foxy Bill, Il just called in
10 say that we want no more roasts, see!
Dis is me friend, an we're both Christian
Signs an what's more, Christian Signs is
alright See!
Now, lemme tell you You'se people
don't know il all If y do git baseball
scores in print an y kin jist tell the peo-
pie that from now on me an me friend is
Christian Signs. An dis amt no pipe.
Now. will y interview me, or will l list
tell y about 1t, SOS VII understan' me?
Well, now, no dinky business, I'll tell y,
or / won't tell y. an If y don't git it
straight I'll sue yer paper. See,
well. it's like dis. " see, me dog here
IS q good one. I've he'd him fer tree years.
an me friend here knows him since he was
pup. Anyway d dog gifts spawned in
his leg an he can't walk no more'n a fish.
An he keeps spawned an he can't do
nothin'. Well j goes { one o. them vet
eran doctors wot fyes up animals an
tells him about tn dog. An he gives me
some sody water an stuff an pulls me leg
fer two bones in money. An l gives the
dog the sody water. an wot does he do!
Wy, he trows tree fits an he dies.
Am / a romancer. No, / amt. He
dies, an lays dead. An wot! Wy 1
tinks. links. /, dis is nice, an I'm out a
dog. So links I'll bury him, but meets
lady friend wot cooks fer party an me
LADY fren' sez, sez she. Me boss is Chris
tian Signs, an he kin cure anything; he's
fist wishin fer it Kin he raise a dead
dog, sez /. He kim sez she.
so goes t the Christian Signs an
tells him. Wot.' ses he, are y an unbe-
lever! Yer dog amt dead. Yer only tink
he's dead Jist git yer little faith out O.
yer head an it'll be alright Jist go home
an say / know me dog amt dead, cause
nothin' kin die If it don't want 10. Go
back an believe yer dog is livin' an it'll
be alive Well, l thinks, links l. wonder
II he's connin' me. but / thinks I'll try il.
Be the way sez he, y'll have I let me
have IS to show that Y hev faith. Fer
without faith nothin' is { be accomplish
ed Well, / sees me finish but gives him
the Eve. KNOWN that I'd come back an
beat him L death II he conued me an !
goes L me joint. An wot, Here wus me
dog layin' on the floor an waggin' his
glad hand at me. Alive, Just y bank
on It an here he is fur evidence. Are
y alive. Baldy! Jist try him once.
Anyway, ! links good o. this deal an
thinks. An den me friend here gifts sick
one day when d smallpox wus in town
a while ago an he is scared L death
Foxy sez he L me, sez he Foxy, / got
it. So j goes L d Christian Signs an
tells him. An the Christian Signs sez
SEE he. He Amt got nothin';' he ony
thinks he hez. Go back an tell him t gil
up an he'll be cured If he hez faith
so ] goes back an here wus me frient
groanin' an sayin' 4 got IL, / know
got H. Yer mistaken, sez l. " go
nothin'. Git up an come out an git {
drink or I'll kick y in the head So b,
gifts up an he gifts better in a mint an hs
amt never had no smallpox. Then me
an him wuz Christian Signs, an We seer
some roasts on II, an We don't want NJ
more. Christian Signs is alright, an W.
kin prove IT. Seei
Now we're willin' t talk business w,
kin put up $40 note with any stakeholder
an IL me dog amt livin' an me frient
hez smallpox Wen forfeit tn money
Don't want it? Nav, y bet y don't.
We'll. remember now, II We sees an,
more roasts we'll shanghai yer rag Ger y
an call in again. An If dis amt N d
paper in d mornin' dere'Il be trouble
See. Don't fergit, now. Foxy Blrs d
name. Foxy Bill Martin an friends b.
good. gents"