Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1899-08-25


column we exhibit few specimens of
the Kansas corn liar of 1899. The
Topeka Mail and Breeze, being a good
gold bug sheet. is generally filled with
choice lies on any subject, and of
course we get the best and fattest spec~
linen from its columns.
The Breeze Liar.
The other day an old time crop liar
who had been away from the state for
several years, wandered back and
struck store where crowd was
gathered
The corntenarce of the aged liar
cleaned with the satisfaction of man
who feels that he holds the edge over
his auditors.
II see that you are likely to have a
pretty fair CROP" said the aged liar,
directing his remarks to an elongated
individual who was seated on salt
barrel near the door. ''Still shouldn't
Judge thai it is anywhere near equal to
the crop raised on my place when 1
y
How much of the crop did you
raiser" asked the elongated individual
as he bit off a hunk of battle ak"
about the size of small hen egg.
'Well," said the aged liar, II
should say that my best fields went
about 150 bushels to the acre. Some
that was stunted a trife didn't 60
more than a hundred bushels. L had
plenty of corn that year that was
twenty feet high"
"You must have "a tOlerable poor
crop. stranger" said the elongated ins
dividual, as he knocked grasshopper
off a weed with carefully directed
squirt of saliva. Corn in my neigh-
borhood that won't measure more than
twenty feet we amt fgurin' on bein'
worth cuttin'. Wen just surn in the
hogs and let 'em get what they can out
of it,
Goodness" gasped the aged liar
"Y ou must have good corn. Haven't
had any draw backs at all 1 reckon"
"Well, l can't say that we haven't
had any drawbacks. Fact is, there
was time when it looked mighty seri
GUS for the crop in nay section.''
How was that?" asked the aged liar
with growing interest.
We'll. it was this way: The ears
was grown SO alfred fast inside the
husks that the friction was commencin'
to cause spontaneous combustion, and
if hadn't happened to notice it the
silks in the whole field would have
been set on fire. got my wife and all
the kids out and we carried water all
day and part of the night to put on the
ends of the ears to cool 'em off,
"Chinch bugs didn't bother you any.
I reckon?" sad the aged liar.
"Oh, they started in to do up the
crop, but the fact is that the stalks grew
up so fast that it made the bugs dizzy
and they fell off before they had a
show to do any damage. In one of my
fields picked up fourteen bushels of
bugs that had tumbled off the stalks
and been lamed in the fall so that they
wasn't able for business
Great Scott said the aged liar, 81
suppose that you will have your hands
full gathering the crop?'
There's the trouble. l oan'5 get
men who are willing to take the risk of
cutting that corn aud having the stalks
fall On 'em. l have only got one man
for sure yet. He is man who come to
me the other day and said he would
like to have job In my corn field;
said he regarded this world as only
fieetin' show anyway and was anxious
to go hence, but he didn't like to delib~
erately commit suicide. He made me
promise if | should 6nd his body
crushed under fallen corn stalk to
write to an annt of his tellin' her how
he died and then give his body to the
doctors to be used for the benefit of
SCIENCE"
The aged liar, whs had sat down on
cracker box, tried to rise. He in
tended to get up aud go away, because
| he saw that he was outclassed, but he
| couldn't stir.
He was paralyzed.
LaOygne Journal Liar.
The biggest corn story fs told by i Il.