The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1899-10-25

Washington Star.
The PHILADELPHIA Record recOunts the
predicament of the man in evening dress
and his laundry stored In his silk hat:
1.-The other night" said young lawyer
at luncheon yesterday, II put on even
ing clothes. AS my family is out of
town. and as | am eternally forgetting to
have washing done, it struck me while
I dressed that l would pass a laundry on
my way downtown, and that it would be
well to cart along and leave there few
soiled articles. | packed them-a dozen
pieces-in the crown of my tall hat Then
! sailed forth, immaculate and elegant,
and from that moment all thought Of the
laundry deserted me. Manipulating a
cigarette gracefully, | stood Il little la
ter at Broad and Chestnut streets and
waited for a cab Fierce electric lights
beat on me, and no doubt | made an i'm
posing figure. A man [ knew came along
with his daughter, and we rushed togeth-
er for chat. / dotted my hat, and it's
contents battered down around us. The
collars rolled gaily, like little white hoop
snakes, here and there. One of the hand
kerchiefs fell on the young lady's shoe,
and she was good enough to stoOp and
restore it to me. The shirt in some way
managed to distend itself, and lay at our
feet in that poseful length, on the face,
with cutstretched arms-in which cap
tiyes crave the mercy OF victorious kings.
1t was truly an awful moment, and l
don't know whether l emerged from it
gracefully or not. guess not"
Mamma-"What did you mean by say
ing No. when l asked you if you went
in bathing, when you knew you were
telling wrong story!' johnny
Didn't you tell me the other day to be
a man and learn to say No? Boston
Transcript.
An old farmer who had been to the
city was describing to his friends the
splendor of the hotel he stayed at.
Everything was perfect" said he; ''all
but one thing-they kept the light burn.
ing all night in my bedroom, a thing /
amt used to- WELL" said one of his
listeners. why, didn't you blow it out?'
''Blow it OUT" said the farmer; how
bottle?'
Mrs. May-Fair-''I hear that your son
is a great student, and spends most of
his time over the midnight oil" Mrs.
Jones "a rich parvenu, in pony carriage)
MOT a word of truth in it. We ave
helectric light hall over the 'ouse, and
Hatred as a ole chanticleer in is
room!'-Punch.
A Buffalo beggar was miserably
''trun'' down by mean printer in the
following way. He had been dis
tributing cards of FIVE verses, two of
which were:
Many bright, good-hearted fellow,
Many a undetermined man,
Finds himself in water shallow,
Then assist him If you can.
Do your best for one another,
Making life pleasant dream;
Help a worn and cripple. brother,
Pulling hard against the stream.
The printer thought he would have
some fun and set up these:
Many bright, good-hearted lobster,
Many a dirty, low-bOrn bloke.
Has .trun'' the guys that put him wise,
And become top-notch soak.
| haven't worked in fifteen years,
And I'm a healthy husky man:
I'm lying lout, who's always out
For the price to chase the can.
I'm worthless, shiftless drunken bum,
And a thief from hat to.shoes;
/ never spent blooming cent,
For anything but booze.
You know what it is to be bum,
To your pals you should be kind, sir;
Recall your woes and friSk your clothes,
And hand me what you find, sir,
The beggar was finally arrested, but
until then did not find out why he had
received no money as usual for the card
for he could neither read nor write.
The prison clerk read the revised verses
to him.
lot
Her Rival May-''Jennie loves Jack
.Sweldhedde, but she's afraid he loves
somebody else more"
Fay-'sShe's right, too
May-"Indeed! Who is it?'
I. Fay-'Jack Sweldhedde" = Catholic
Standard and Times.
The Boston Pilot tells of an exhorter
who was holding forth on the common
and solemnly presenting to his hearers
the alternative of salvation or damna-
tion--the King James Bible or the Douay
Bible" Among the audience was a citi-
zen who had been imbibing somewhat
freely This gentleman apparently mis-
understood the preacher, for he yelled:
"Hooray for the Dewey Bible!' The
crowd took up the cry, and the exhorter
was compelled to suspend further effort.
THE BLUFF.
The boy stood on little pair
Stood pat. When all had fed
He pocketed the pot and quit
just twenty plunks ahead.
-Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Philadelphia Inquirer finds a bach
- Il. LII <<,