The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1899-08-01
Trumps from Various Quarters.

Is the sage of Sleepy Hollow quietly
slumbering upon the banks of some
gentle brooklct?-
''To wake each joyous morn and search
again
The famlshed haunts Of solitary men,
Mr.. Will Halfacrc, Of ST. Philips,
informs us that during the dry weather
he has shrunk over one hundred buggy
tires. Rain or shine, there is almost
always harvest for him who can turn
his hand to it. If fortune smiles upon
you, kiss her: if she turns her back
upon you, just throw Il buggy tire, or
something Of the kind, about her neck,
faslcn your heels in the sand and swing
back with all your might
We read letter which Mr.. Robt.
M. Kinard had written from Texas to
his sister, Miss Grace Kinurd, OF St.
Philips, in which he says he has been
over the greater part Of the hooded
districts Of that State. He draws Il
sad picture OF widespread distress and
dcsolatiOn among those unfortunate
people.
Wonder what young man that was
who got punched in the back with an
umbrella on his way to the jolly Street
picnic last Saturday. Say friend, she
must have been trying to pick the lock
to your heart.
Please keep your dog tied, for the
undersigned will be around i'm a short
time to sell you map. We don't
want to waste half an hour talking and
pleading with your dog: We want to sec
you.
What induccmcnt can be offered to
get our wise and otherwise big men to
quit fussing and frming about complete
ing the State House? This, in our
mlnd' Is becoming question Of great
cr moment than that OF finishing the
Statc House. II is very evident that
those fellows have been reading Guli-
Vcr's Travels Among the Lilliputians,
FOR they would divide the people into
bitter factions over us small II matter
us that which CULVER tells us agitatcd
the minds Of the Lilliputians, viz. .:
"hlch end OF IN egg should ulways be
broken first. Doubtless some bio fell
low wants to kindlc Il fire among the
people, and then put it out in the same
manner that Culver cXtingushcd the
hamcs Ia the palace Of the Queen of
Lllllpnt, and then rant all over the
country crying ingratitudr, base in
gratitude.
Inc undersigned remembers the dav
when he was as shy and us bashful as II
swamp poSsum: and it was at this try
ing period OF his life that he was the
butt OF enough Jokes to have made -
nraSs monkey snuilIc his nose and weep
al"ud. II he vcnturrd TO make Il re-
mark, IL was sure to create Il laugh
not AT the remark itself, but at IT'S m.
'hor. If he did anything, it was sure
10 DC the wrong thing, and everybody
LOOK notice OF it, and there never WAS Il
Sood samaritan on hand to helm him
"P' on thc contrary, in every hand
'hcfc was stone. In short, all man.
KIND seemed to delight in takinr tnrns
a' drawing him back and forth over the
Goals at even the shadow of an oppor-
'"hlty. But now he has grown as
Tough and indignant as an lrishmnn
ana these things no longer have any
VlS'olc effect upon him. II is, thcrc-
lorr. he must confess, with some feel
ing on rcvcngc--and revenge is sweet
Ihat ne has turned upon his pcrsrcu-
TORS, and that none may cscapc. the in
noccnt as we'll rs the guilty need not
look Tor mercy. The UNDERSIGNED is
aespcratc; he is no rcspcctor of Der
sons old or young, great or small. He
mas made up his mind to be ever ON the
alert, to make the least opportunity
Su'lcc lor him to pouncc with savage
delight upon his victims. Already he
Eas many valuable trophies dangling at
MS belt, and the warfare continues
l'oSsibly some day, when ro is sat,s-
hcd, he will write an account of his ad .
ventures in a book, that all the world
may know that Josh Trump has been
avenged.
N gentle rain is failing, and vcgctn
Iioh seems rcfrcshed; each plant seem
ing to nod and congratulate it's nciph-
Dor as the cool brcczes sweep across
the fields.
JOSH TRUMP.