The age-herald., 1899-01-28
DOOLEY AND THE
 LITERARY LION

''Wan iv th' things that ye'd notice about Chicago, Hinnissey, if yed lived here as long as l have" said MT. Dooley, lis tn sthrong way we've come along on lithera- choor. Whin I was a young man, tn only lithry guy we had was Tim Scanlan,. that wrote Tn Jackets Green'-ye know tn song. It begins, 'Whin I was maiden fair an' young'-Scanlan was an or bachelor an had no hair-an' Long John Wentworth, that owned a newspaper an inthrodooced tn first steam fire injine iver seen in tn west mind whin a man be tn name iv Charles Dickens come here-he was a Sas- senach-an thried fir to separate us i'm our good money, an they was ball that night iv tn Happy Sons of tn Gloryous West an tn la-ad talked to tn man that had his books on sale an the janitor iv tn hall All tn other pathrons iv ithra- choor wint to tn ball
 lis diff-rent now They'se as nanny authors in Archey road as I've unpaid tabs in tn drawer. About tn same number. ounYg Hogan is prisidint iv tn Sons of Saint Joseph an O'Mara Khy-am soladity He tells me that this here O'Mara is an alias fir lithry guy av tn name iv Fitz- | HN hiiOHH d lGW ilZS6TdluS. wan iv thim used to r-run a hall down be Hal sted sthreet, an they was another in tn wather office, but Iwouldn't name Casey's COW afther ayether iv thim, let alone a soladity. An instead iv tn young ladies' sewin society they've started tn Mrs. Humphrey Ward an Pleasure club, an Molly Donahue's tn head iv that,
 What do they do? Well, 'tis this way. lin
 tn paper where he lives that no wan'n have anything to do with him, they sind him a letther askin' h,m to come out an Tread his pieces to thim. Thin they give a ball TT to pay tn ixpinses an sind the pro- ceeds to him. If he's a good man an don't dhrink, he comes out. They put him in tn finest r-room at tn Transit House that two dollars can buy an young Hogan gets tn rayporther iv tn Halsted Sthreet Gazoot fir to intherview him. What dye think iv our Worlds Fair city,? says tn rayporther 'Rotten, says tn lithry guy. Have ye seen amy iv tn lithry projuce iv Chicago? I niver eat annything canned Whats we're opinyon iv tn Bibie?' "A vastly overrated wurruk. Tn char-ackters is not dhrawed fr'm nature an tn language is coorse. 'Ye have a poor opinyon of Shakspere? 'Th worst in tn wuiruld. Have ye pitcher iv me? Well heres twinty. Go, now, ye inn pydint outcast an that they're printed in ye'er scandlous an odjous newspaper, which l despise, he says. Tn vileness iv tn press " AmerIca,' ne says, IS beyond anything I know he says Nanny an nanny $ tn time th' privacy iv me r-room has been invaded by rayporthers, an tn secrets " me 'ar-rt an me Lie wrincheG firm me, an thin they didn't print more thin half what l said, he says. Go, he says, an vent ye CT cursed spite on me, he says. Tell thim ivrything about me- he says. Tell thim I'm tn gr-greatest Twin author; tell thim I'm tn most fash-nably dhressed man, he says. Tell thim women go mad over me- he says. Expose me naked to tn wurruld,' he says. Yell find a pitcher iv me there in a goold bathtub. attinded by tn Prince iv Wales,' he says Alas he says, that man iv my standln shud be so threated,' he says. An he weeps and gives tn rayporter an eight-cent seegar an a vollum iv his well-known thranslation iv Butthricks Pattherns firm tn original Greek.
 'They had a Jew man out here tn ither day, tn author iv a pome called 'Childher iv tn Get-th' -hell-out-of-this, think Ho- gan called it. I niver give tn Jews much credit fir bein' lthry, an be hiv1ns, they niver give me much credit fir annythin 
 right. He talked in tn school hall under tn auspices iv tn OMara Khy-ams, an says, he: I'll make an ipigram, says he This is tn wor-rst town an this audjeence tn wor-rst mob iv imported immigrants iver see, he says He didn't put it that sthrong, but it sounded that way. I'm sur prised to see ye here tonight, he says, fir none iv ye look as if ye ver armed more thin thirty cints in tn laundhry,' he says, or had brains enough he says, to buy a ticket he says. As I said to an aud- jeence tn other night, in me style that's been so much copied ivrywhere,' he says tn sea iv upturned faces before me makes me want to go out an hang heself fir fear I'd be drowned he says. doubt If amy iv yen understand anything l say,' he says, but I'll go ahead an re-read firm tn wurruk iv th' gr-reatest author that was iver foaled,' he says. That is,' he says meself' he says. Tn first selection,' he says, will be 9Th Pawn-shop That Me Gran pa Left to Me-" he says. "A wurruk, he says. that I have universally admired,' he says. An I come away an wint down to Finucane's hall an broke into the dance iv tn Gluemakers' Union, an had a time that reminded me iv tn good ol' days iv Chicago, befure the r-run iv books was larger thin tn r-run iv hogs."
 "Why didn't ye poke him wan? asked MT. Hennessy.
 '~That aint tn thrue lithry feelin'," said MT. Dooley. That was tn 1eeln pelure tn Ar-rt Instittoot was built, whin they used to give a gr-reat author tn time iv his life be takin' him out to me ol' fr-nd Armour's an lavin' him belt a steer over tn head with sledge-hammer."
 Copyright 1899, Chicago Journal
 THE OFFICIALS ARE WROTH
 From the Lafayette Sun.
 Examiner Cowan has recently examined the books of the county commissioners of Jefferson county. The report showed some bad transactions and precipitated a howl. The officers are wrathy at the governor who, they claim, is interfering with affairs that do not concern him. An effort is being made to abolish the commissioners court and give the governor power to appoint board.