New-York tribune., 1899-12-24
THE TALK or THE DAY.


Philip D. Armour says that George A. Sheioon' n
Lake Shore station agent, who died the other day'
once did him the great service OF his NE "dS
for four days brakeman under him when ne was
a conductor" says Mr. Armour. "and he told me !
was too much OF fool 10 make good rail-
roader."
Distinction Tommy-Pav. this paper says pro, ,,
fesaIonal punster is one who makes a business OF
Mr. Trcker-It means what II SAYS. my SON but
II Is incorrect. professional punster Is one VINO
works on words.-(Chcago Tribune
The Chicago Tribune" SAYS; Geronimo the
Apache chief. In capturing whom the late General
Tawton won fame as an Indian fighter, still lives 1t
Fort Sill Ind. T. Ever since he laid down his tom
ahawk thirteen years ago in obedience to the fear
less Lawton the old chief has been a prisoner OF
war Immediately after their capture Geronimo
and his band of warriors were taken East, but the
climate did not agree with them, and many died
Then they were removed to Alabama, finally re-
turning TO the land OF the setting sun In 1894 At
Fort Sill Geronimo and his once savage braves
have So tied down. and under the watchful eyes OF
the Uni d States authorities, have become at least
partially civilized Old Geronimo is great gam
bier and never misses a chance 10 bet on a horse
race"
What branch Of art does your friend prefer?"
II don't know" answered Miss Cayenne; but
should say he is nlpresslonist."
Has he produced anything remarkable IN that
Yes: the impression that he Is artist
washington Star.
The director Of the Royal Vesuvian Observatory
has Just issued report in which he announces
that Mount Vesuvus Is now perfectly quiet. and
that the eruptve period of 1853 is definitely
closed. No lava is flowing. and even the fumaroes
or smoke holes, give forth no sign. The mass OF
lava elected since 1895 amounted to 100000 cubic
metres.
Impossible-"In this th,rd act" said the stage
manager, YOU must show that you are violently In
How can l." walled the walking gent. when
know that she is drawing SO less than I ann
philadelphia North American
A Boston Journal correspondent overheard
this at the public library:
Can you tell where the genealogical room
is?" asked the pleasant faced old woman OF the
polite colored attendant.
Genealogical room. ma'am? Yas, ma'am. The
ginral room is UP one fight, ma am, and the logi-
cal room Is up two flights. ma'am. Vas. ma'am"
A hush falls upon the court.
DO YOU know the prisoner At the bar?' asks
~" "yvben Tye got the prlcs I know everybody at
tho bar" protests the Colonel, from the witness
The Colonel understand employs the Kentucky
dialect AZ Action, which he has learned 10 speak
with considerable nuency.-(Detro!t Journal
A most puzzlng eptaph is to be found In chiIvers
Cotton Churchyard. England. II reads as follows:
Sacred to the memory OF
Ann.
wife OF william Hill
who died Feb !. 1857,
aged 81 years;
also
Ann,
wife OF the above
who died June ., 1857.
aged e. years;
also
Ann.
mother of the above.
who died March :. 1877.
aged u years
also
Harriet
daughter OF the above.
who died Dec. H. 1876
aged IA years.
Take ye heed. watch and pray. for ye know
not when the time is.'-Mark Kill. SO
Fraud.-Mrs. McCarem-Thot piano lamp We
sold me is no good an o want yez to take it back
Mrs. McCarlem-Dlvil a chune con we git out
OF it.-(New-York Weekly.
= jealous Mahometan in India proposes TO Lord
Curzon that tho British Government call a public
conference Of all the religions for the purpose OF
determining the validity OF their pretensions By
competition in the performance within a year OF
rome unspecihed but manifest miracle
BY this means he hopes to prove that Mahomet
was greater than all others. and that his religion
Is the right one II he fails 10 do this he Offers
himself for crucihxion. a mode or sacrifice which
the prophet did not ordain. and which would prove
nothing except that Mira Ahmad, OF Kadlan the
author OF the proposal. had courage enough N
make martyr OF himself in the interest OF his
faith.
Tommy-Oh. dear. wish Christmas would come,
Nelie-1 wouldn't be so impatient to know what
! am going to get as you are.
Tom'ny-'Taint that. It's so awful hard 10 be
good for such long time; that's what's the matter
-tBoston Transcript