The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1899-05-03
COHEIGG GOOD STORIES.
GENUINE FUN SERVED UP IN
SHORT STORIES.
Pat Lament Over the Hardship OF His
Triead's Eaving to Take a Supply
of Coal with Him,
Is Funny.

An Irishman who wished to come
TO America shipped on board vessel
as a sailor. During the voyage across
the Atlantic a friend of his, who was
also sailor. died. Pat had known
him in the old country. 1t is the Gus
tom when person dies at sea TO sew
the body up in sack, hang a weight
to II 20 make IL sink, and drop it over
board with prayer. Well, when
O'Rourke died they had no shot TO
weight Ii with, so had TO put In two or
three big Jumps Of coal instead Pat
was there 10 see the last of his friend
When the sack was lowered into the
water Pat said, with tears In his eyes:
"Oi always knew ORourke TO be a
bad man, and Oh often told him where
he was goin phin he doid, but Oh
didn't tink he'd have TO take his own
coal wild him."
physician and his friend were
standing on the street corner of a Vir-
ginia town where they were spending
a few days. Their attention was
amusingly arrested by the sight of an
old darby belaboring the tanks of
mule In vain persuasion to make
him move on. At last the doctor was
appealed to.
Say. boss. I'll give you five dollahs
ef you'll make dis hyar mule co.
With sly wink the physician
opened his case and took out his hy-
podermic syringe, filled the needle
with An acid and sent 1t into the hind
quarters of the mule. The effect was
magical. With a wild plunge the
mule went tearing the street, with
the darkey after him and the by
ISLANDERS roaring with laughter. A
short time afterward the darby, dust
covered and painting, approached
again.
Say, boss-how much-was de wuff
of dat stuff-yo' done squht-in dat
mule?"
oh" said the doctor, about 10
cents"
Down went the darky's hands into
his jeans pockets He fished out two
dimes.
"Hyah. boss-am 90 cents. | wish
yo' would squht-twice as much Of
dat, stuff into me-'case Use bound
TO catch dat mule"
Foote, praising the hospitality of the
Irish, after one of his trips to the sis
ter kingdom. gentleman asked him IL
he had ever been at Cork. mo, sir"
replied Foote. but / have seen many
drawings of it."
At Killarney every visitor hears
some laughable stories Here is one:
A number of boatmen who were quar-
rellng about the division Of tips in
dulged at the top of their voices in a
good deal of profane language. which
the marvellous echo repeated verbatim.
"Arrah, look at that, now, for a scan
dal," said one Of the party, who was
Of pious turn Of mind. "Tachin' the
poor harmless echo to curse and
sware."
The construction Of Prince Bis
marck's sentences was frequently
portentous. On the occasion to which
/ have been particularly referring,
says a writer In the Century, my com
panion was as impatient as only an
intelligent woman can be TO secure the
intellectual treat before her and gave
minute instructions to her interpreter.
All went well for time, as the low
voice OF the painstaking translator
rendered with some adequacy the
thought OF Bismarck. Then there were
short pauses, followed by rapid little
summaries OF what had been said.
AS these grew more and more FIRE.
uuent. the lady became irritated. FL
nally there was an entire cessation on
the part of the interpreter and yet Bis
marck was going right on with ever
increasing vehemence. There were
constant calls from the lady OF
whats he saying? What's he say.
ing?" and an increase Of impatience
In the box quite proportionate to the
growing violence OF the speaker. FL.
nally the wretched interpreter could
endure the strain no longer and, turn
ing with a gesture Of fierce resent
ment to his excited employer, he
Missed: Madam, 1 am waiting FOL
the verb!'