Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1899-09-07
HEARD OVER THE PHONE.
President Mckinley Talks to a Funny
Newspaper Man, Who Was Serious.

>s VIZ AtANJ WCChfy
New York city. has been Republics
and supported Mckinley ardently
1896. But Life sees it differently no
and stands up fearlessly among II
enemies of Imperialism and blood
handed conquest. Nothing better
lustrates how Mr.. Mckinley is 'sgitti
hisself disliked" by that better class
: Republicans who still cherish SON
real love of country than the followin
clever bit of irony from Life,s issue
August 18th:
Hello, hello, hello"
well, we'll. we'll! What is it %
II want Life.n
$50 do lots Of other people. This
Life,
This is President Mckinley"
"Ah, Mr.. President, glad to hea
you. Sad about Alger, wasn't ?"
"Yes; but had to do it for the goot
of the party"
TOO bad you didn t do it a year age
for the good of the country. But Of
course party comes first.''
Naturally. The party makes the
nominations, and the country only
pays the bills. And, speaking of nom.
nations, trust shall, have Life Is
support in the next campaign
what office do you expect to run
for Major2''
"The Presidency, of course. Mr..
Hanna and arranged that before he
went abroad"
"H'ml Nodanger of Gov. Roosevelt
or George Dewey upsetting that ar
rangement?"
Not the slightest. Mr.. PIatt will
take care of Teddy, and Admiral Dew
ey is too sensible to give up his full
pay Tor life."
Did 1T ever occur to you, Major,
that there are some men who have
backbones-Teddy, for instance-and
that there are also men who put patri-
otic duty above dollars ?''
II forgot, Life, that it is your bust.
ness to be funny. But let's be serious.
You haven't answered my question. -
TO tell you the truth, Major, we
don't care to commit ourselves lust
yet. We expect to support the Re-
publican candidate, provided he is a |
person with backbone, and not simply
the agent of Messrs. Hanna, Quay and
Platt's political trust"
You will, of course, admit that it
is beneficent trust ?n
Certainly. Life is quite ready to
admit that your administration, repre-
senting the trust, is responsible for
last years good crops in this country
and the scarcity abroad, and that you
personally We're not only the advance
agent of prosperity. but the cause of
1t. Your Thanksgiving proclamation,
advising people to thank God for our
recent blessings, showed a very re-
markable modesty ON your part"
II also forgot that it was Life 3 busi-
ness to be satirical.'
"Not to yous< Major. You haven't
the faintest idea of Life's admiration
OF the way you stood out against the
demands of the politicians and con-
tract hunters during the late war, nor
how we admire your loyalty to Messrs.
Alger. Eagan, Corbin, Shafter, and
the convicted Carter. Your steadfast
and honorable maintenance of your
pledge to protect the Civil Service
against the spokesman also fills our
breast with enthusiasm. When we
think of the mastery way you have
used the Presidency it reduces those
crude patriots. Washington and Lin
coin, in our estimation to the level of
mere primitive ebackwoodsmen."
"You fiatter me.'
'Don't you believe it, Major. And
it is not often that the United States
has President who to craftsmanship
like yours adds such an attractive per-
sonality. You are one of the most {
dignified106kfng Presidents that ever
rode III procession, and, when you
shake hands with man, woman or
child, your property SMILE and kindly
glance convinces the shakee not only 6
Of your personal interest. but that you
Ire really the good Mr.. Mckinley you I
are represented to be-
II believe, Life, to use slang express
zion, you're stringing' me-"
"Not a bit of it. No more than you I
md your political and financial back
'rs are 'stringlng' the American peo- t
de-" 9
"I'm sorry, Life, but m ust say fare
we'll, and resume the cares of state =
-'Ye got to send Otis some more con-
"It's too bad, Mr.. President, you G
ian t enjoy your vacations in peace !
This is the fifth this year, isn't it9" .
"Only the fourth" e
"By the way, Mr.. President, how's :
Brother Abner2" In
Prosperous. He's done very well !
ince thebeginning of the war;" o
$50 we hear. Life hopes you'll give r
lin some nice, perpetual job before C
1ou go out of Office" +
"Thank you, Life; hadn't thought h
If that. And you won't promise ?" III
''Not yet, Major. You'll hear from n
Is later. Goodbye. Ring off, please. !" .
''Good bye, Life.'' q