Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-05-14
A BRUNSWICK STEW.
THE IDLER CONTENTS ON MANY
BURNING QUESTIONS.
He GLORIFIES THE WIDOWS.
And Defends the Fair Sex Against
Punishment for ArtifIcinIity-The
Retirement,

party Of young men in Peoria, ILL.,,
who think they are funny, have organ
lzed themselves into q club whose mem
bers pledge themselves to marry none but
widows. over the threshold OF this club
there Is an inscription which says "None
but widows need apply"
IL these ecclesiastical youths, who think
their course will alter the whole trend Of
the matrimonial market, imagine for an
instant that widows are going to nibble
at their hooks, they demonstrate beyond
the peradyenture of a doubt that the
clubs members have been taking foolish
powders" Widows don't need TO go beg
ging; they're not the kind who need out
side support to help them in life's great
shuttle Wimmen folks OF this class and
town cats can come nearer TO taking care
of themselves than any creatures | know
Of All efforts to support widows emanate
from a mistaken solicitude, and the I'M
sophisticated young men who seek TO
help them had better establish a hospital
for the aged purchasers of gold-bricks
and green goods
In my opinion, this class Of ladies oc-
cupy the same position In the feminine
world that sugar-cured hams I'll in the
realms OF green grocers-to wit, the ar
tcle is always popular and the supply Is
never equal 20 the demand. And there
are others who think as | do. A western
paper, in commenting on the Peoria club,
SCOTS at the misguided efforts Of the
young men, and its editor, who knows
whereof he speaks. says:
The widows are doing fairly well with
out any club OF this kind to shake the
connubial plum-tree for them Having
been through the campaign once, they
nave marked all the outpOsts and bull
warks. They know where the block
houses and intrenchments are located,
and as for barb-wire fences, there is no
thing 50 easy for them They possess
the strategy that comes from experience.
and when they begin 10 wigwag terms OF
surrender TO the beseged it is useless to
throw any more shells. The sable trap
pings Of grief do not interfere with the
formation Of new alliances. and even the
other kind Of widows allow no grass TO
grow under their feet"
That IL the whole story In a nutshell.
When these she-Deweys and Wheelcrs
start out on a campaign We of the other
sex are mere FilipinOs and Spaniards in
their hands, EXcusin' the tact that
now support a lady who says she longs
to be my widow, l always did banker ar
ter the fascinating faction TO whom | 50
admiringly allude.
women and doesn't know when TO give
them due credit for their good looks has
addressed a long communication 10 q
legal periodical called Law Notes, and
in this ne airs many grievances. The
pretext for his publication is discus
sion OF the proposed legislation which will
forbid tight lacing In Wisconsin. He
quotes statute which was passed in the
reign OF Charles H., and which, II now
in force. might create a panic among
those who wear stays. Here is the law
in all It's grim and uncOmpromising Sc
verify:
"All women, of whatever age, rank,
profession. or degree. whether virgins
r,aids, or widows that shall, from and
after the passing OF this act, impose
upon and betray into matrimony any Of
his Majesty's male subjects by scents
paints, cosmetics. washes. artificial teeth
false hair, Spanish wool, iron stays, hoops
hlgh- heeled shoes, or bolstereG hips. sha |
incur the penalty OF the laws now IN
torce against witchcraft, sorcery, and such
like misdemeanors, and the marriage
upon conviction, shall stand null and
void"
The queruous citizen 20 whom I allude
not only has the effrontery TO recommend
a revival OF this cruel legislation. but he
also suggests an amendment adding ar
tihcial limbs" 10 the list of lnterdicted
embellishments. He cites the case OF a
modern man. who, to his unspeakahle hor-