Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1899-12-08


WEI" >a.d he, Il hay. COUP,
90: >~ats i3r the California. Don't YOU
wait T. come"
Il should he delighted my dea.
boy"
And in a few minutes W were in a
cat. rolling toward the th-ate-.
Scarcely had We settled ou-selye. in
our seat. when | saw. entering the
TOW in front OF u. tall, thin blonde
who seated herself in the chair i'm
media;ely in front OF mine. And
then | saw with stupciaciion that she
Wore upon her head curious sort OF
hat cooked down in front and cooked
up behind, garnished with flowers,
with vegetables. with shrubs-in fact.
veritable garden. As she had
cooked her cooked hat over her eyes, it
resulted that the rear OF this vegetable
garden lowered above the top OF her
blond chignon, 50 that / could see no
more OF the stage than If | had been
in FAR Cathay.
The bell rang; the curtain rose; l
heard voices-presumably OF actors
but it was impossible for me to tell
At the risk OF acquiring a telescope
neck, l leaned to the right, then to
the left. But | had not counted on
the balloon sleeves OF the blond, which
were perfect monsters OF swollen silk,
and which masked completely both
wings OF the stage as her hat did the
middle.
Holy smoke said l to my friend,
" that hat is going to be rather a
nuisance"
The blonde lady heard me; she
turned slightly, put up her lorgnon,
and surveyed ME with the utmost
haughtiness. Then, Struggling her
shou lder,, she pulled up her sleeves,
so that it was impossible for ME to see
even the proscenium arch. Theu she
braced up her feet against the chair
in front, and hoisted herself up a few
inches. so that by this gymnastic feat
she succeeded in elevating her veget-
able garden even more than before.
In a melancholy tone / said to
Cmythe: alt seems to me / would
have been better off if had stayed at
the club and toasted my toes in the
cafe in front of the fire. Iwould not
have been incommoded or discom.
NODDED, and would have seen fully as
much of this piece as I am seeing
now"
Hearing this the blond lady turned
around once more, and favored me
with the most sneering smile that
have ever seen. 1t provoked me, and
determined to give her lesson if
could. For might as we'll have been
in a theatrophone listening at a tele-
phone. l could hear, but l could see
nothing. Voices-female voices, male
voices-confusedly came to my ear.
You know how perplexing it is when
YOU cannot see the pelsonages upon
the stage, when you cannot note their
gestures nor the play Of their faces.
But the first act terminated in the
midst OF roars of applause. A man
knew, three seats to my right, was
shaking with laughter. Everybody in
the thcater seemed to be intensely
amused at the play except myself,
Aud the blond lady would still turn
from time to time, and favor me
again with her sneering smile.
Seated Immediately in front of the
blonde lady was very little man who
looked like hunchhack, his head
was so sunkeu between his shoulders
I looked at him carefully. He had
the appearance Of being . dead-head
owing TO his rather shabby attire.
tapped him on the shoulder, and
asked him If he would go out with me
between the acts for a few minutes
When We were outside, l said to him;
my dear sir, I have particular in
terest in occupying your chair, No. IS
II YOU will pardon the liberty take
would like to give You this trifle," q
slipped five-dollar piece into his
hand, land, in exchange, I would
like to have your seat and You may
have mine, No. 80"
The little mans face lighted up
with pleasure He slipped my fire-
dollar piece into his waistecoas pocket
and said: Certainly, my dear sir.
Iou are very good. will take your
seat with pleasure"
Thus was l placed in possession ol
seat As. Now could see the stage,
but still / was not revenged. Ny first
idea was to install myself there, wear.
ing my own high hat, but reflected
that this manifestation might not b
understood, would seem discourteous
20 the actors, and that l would b
forced TO take it of. Suddenly an
idea flashed across my mind-an in
spiration. l left the theater and
walked q block or two until I came Il
a milliner's shop. entered and de
manded Of the Saleswoman to sell me
hat-the most gigantic, the mos
arboriferous, the most pyramidal ha'
she had. She opened a drawer and
exhibited TO me monumental blaci
felt with an enormous knob Of blacl
velvet upon its top, and on top Of ths
black felt knob puff OF black flowers
extremely high. Without barclinc