The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1899-12-27
A 'PINDYCUTIS CURE.
ct SEE the docthers have a new way O.
finding out whether or no a man has
that fashionable dis 'ase 'pindycutis,"


finding out whether or no a man has
that fashionable disase 'pindycutis,"
said Rafferty,.
"To be sure I'm glad to hear that" re-
piled Madden. mot that care ha 'porth
about tn rich, but the pig might get touch
O. the dirty dis'ase. But tell me, Rafferty,,
what is this 'pindycutis hke?'
"'Tis an inflammation of what the doc
theirs call the vermifuge appindix in your in
sides"
"And are them quare words, vermi--
something, are they Irish?" continued Mad
den.
"As It's kno1edge you are wantin', I'd
ray no. Vermi names wurrum and fuge
names thwst And yell find appndix in
the back O the dictionary"
81 see, l see" said Madden, in a doubtful
tone. "But what is it all about?"
'If you knew anything about natomy or
Theology you wouldn't AK foolish questions.
But inside Of livery man where he's thwisted
up like a grapevine there's little dingus wild
hole in the ind does be sittin' around wait
in for you to swallow grape seed or car
pet tack, and when you have swallowed your
name is Dinnis"
Dear, dear, that's horrible dis'ase.
Can't they cure it?'
"Well, they don't know whether they can
or no. lis like the old lady said whin she
was skinnin' the cells. FAX they don't mind
it; they re used to it, Ye see, whin they
think you have the pindycutis they take
you to a hospital and lay you on a marble
slab. Then they cut hole in you to see il
you have the dis'ase. Twill be all the same
to you whether you have it or no, bekase
you'll die on account O. the hole they cut in
you"
Saints preserve usl" exclaimed Madden.
"Pd rather die from the conthrollin' in
fuence O dhrink"
"Niver fear Madden, you'll have your
wish. But / started to tell you that Doother
Fischer, of New York, has nvinted an irwin
ton that no man liver invinted before. He
has found out wild a tilliscope that 'pindy-
cults is a dis'ase O. the blood and not O.
the vermifuge at all. To make it plain to
we, Madden, he has invinted the maggot o
pindycutis."
God save usl'' exclaimed Madden, APP
palled by this momentous revelation. Thin
Dootch are great for invintions, so they
are"
"You are right, Madden. Twas a Dootch-
man that discovered that horrible dis ase
trichinosayrus
He was that p
"Well, wan day he was afther attn
piece O bolony sassidge, whin he fell down
In great pain, sayin': I'm dyin' in the
cause O sience,' says he, 'Niver ate bolony
widout plinty O. garlic; it kills the trich-
Ina
but who invinted the mikerobes I'm
afther hearn' so much about ?" asked Mad
den.
"Ah, ha, now you re talkin'," replied Raj
ferty. "Who should invint thin but an
Irishman, man by the name O. Sweeney.
He cut his finger wan day and saw a lot O.
little animals fghtin' in the dhrop O. blood
by the hairs O. Mol Keley's cat says he,
there's the mikerobes O rheumatic says
he. Look at the whiskers on the little div
wills. Hurrol Well have no more use for
linimint, or snake OIL or eel skins, or hot vim
igar. All we have to do is to XIII the mike
robes and there'll be no more rheumatic "
did he kill thimt" asked Madden, deep
~ interested.
well, there's a little rheumatic lynn
around loose yet in arms and legs" said
Rafferty,. eye see the mikerobes are hazard
to kill very hard. They get fat on pizen
Of all kinds, But give the docthers time,
can't you, Madden; they'll find somethin'
to Kill the queer bastes But wait till Doc
ther Fischer gets his invintion ready. He'll
show thin other docthers how to fix all the
quare things in mans blood"
lis none O. my business Rafferty,, and
mebbe | am askin' that shouldn't But you
might tell me even if it is saycret III
niver mintion it to man nor beast, saint
nor sinner, I'm as close jawed as a steel
/ trap"
"Wel, cross yourself, Madden Never tell
what I'm goin' to tell you. Whisper: The
docther has a small fassit made O. silver
He drives this into your back wild a mallet
and taps all the blood out O. your veins
Then he puts the blood through flour sieve
and catches all the microbes and trichins
and tadpoles and bugs in the sieve. When
he has thin all caught he picks thin up
wan by wan wild pair O. tongs, bekase he Is
afraid to touch thin on account o their bein'
pizen, and puts thin ON an anvil. Thin he
takes an eight-pound hammer and bates the
life out O each one O. thin, wan at time
and when he puts the blood back in youl
veins ag'in you're as fit as fiddle; as spry
as a cricket. You'll be like the Irishman
that drank out O the fountain o. everlastin
youth"
"Where was thatS" asked Madden.
Twas in the Vale of Avoca Paddy
rldueIly was WaIhlH alOnB III tne Ndle war
day jist for divarshun, whin he came to Q
beautiful fountain, bubblin' up out O. the
ground and all covered wild rainbows iva.
a hot day and Paddy was thirsty, so he go
down on his hands and knees and dranl
about a pint O the wather, and it tasted like
dew from the heather mountain at Killar
ney. Coin home he noticed that he had NJ
pain from the rheumatic in his ankle anC
all the gray hairs were dhroppin from hi
head ind chin His red nose turned whit
wanst more, his eyes shone like the stars
an Ia vice was soft as a silver flute. BE
gorra, whin he opened the door o the shant!
his wife didn't know him.
What can do for you, sir? says Bidd.
to him, as polite as we place, and he went in
We can give me me supper, Bddy,' say
Paddy, not KNOWN the differ the wathe
made in him,
I3ut who ar-ra 70 p eavS Riddv