The St. Johns herald., 1899-11-11
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ASSlSlanl-doW would you QeSlgnatC 8 paper devoted to palmistry? Edi tor-Call it hand organ.
 Larry-Th' dog thot bit ye bod hii tongue out. Denny-Bedad! Oi wist he hod bod his tathe out.
 "So you heard a man say he thought Miss Bangs played the piano beauti fully?" "Yes. You see it was a deal man."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
 Stubb-I tell you that old retired sailor said the right thing when the cyclone shook his house. Penn-What did he say? Stubb-Shiver my timbers
 Pearl-Goodness! Who is that rude man pufing his cigar in our faces, Ruby-He is one of the men who de clares the smoke nuisance must be abated.
 "Jane, did you break the china plate?" "Yes'm. You got taken in with that plate, mum. It's weak 'un It broke the fourth time I dropped it. -Tit-Bits.
 Johnson has quit playing poker, notice" "Yes; he said that his wife cried about 1t so that he gave it up." "Ah! l see. Game called on account of rain."-Indianapolis Journal.
 Stubb-Why in the world did they call that feat, bucklng horse DelayI He throws every one that attempts to 1 ride him. Penn-They called him that because Delays are dangerous"
 "Poor Bilklns is dead. He drank a gallon and half of straight whisky, fourteen high balls and half a keg of beer night before last" 'Is that SO? What was the cause of his death?''
 The Missionary-My erring brother, have you been Christianized? The Ma tiVe-Not completely. They have gob- bled all my land, but still have my few clothes.-Indianapolis Journal.
 Miss De Puyster-I can trace my an. cestors back to the reformation. De Jones-That's nothing. I can trace mine back years and years before they attempted to reform.-Chicago News.
 Did the last show have good run 2" Inquired the advance agent. "I should think so, stranger" responded Amber Pete, thirty miles with dogs an gun behind you is pretty good run, ain't itP'
 "Of all the delegates that I met at that Christian Endeavor convention" said pr. J. I. Hill, 'I liked him best who, on being asked what his business was said, I am a cheer-up-odist.' "- Success.
 Jones-I actually believe, my dear that you think more of my dog than you do of me. Mrs. Jones-Pd like to know why you think so. Jones-Well, you never allow him to eat anything you cook.
 Scene-Canal side, Sunday morning. Lady-Do you know where little boys go to who bathe on Sunday? First Arab-Yus. It's farder up the canal side. But you can't go. Girls ain't allowed!-Punch.
 Torrance (with nod)-Yer not work In, Dinnie. Are yez out of a job? Dennls-Shure, Oi fell off nine-shtory buildin' yisterday. an Oi got mad an quit. Terrance-Aw, go on! Yer too sinsitlve.-Judge.
 "Do you know who you are underT thundered the British and German in one breath. "Yes," responded the na- tive of far-away Samoa, some of US are under the weather, and the rest are under a delusion."
 "Aguinaldo declares" said the corpo- ral with the newspaper, that in few weeks the European powers will recog- nize him." Faith" responded the Irish volunteer, "his own muther wouldn't ricognize him if wac kitch him."
 Do more people die one season than they do anotherY asked the promising boy in the insurance office. 'I don't know about that" responded the boss, "but 1t seems very strange that grand mothers should always pass away dur ing the baseball season."
 Quinn-The bill passed by our Con- gressman was identically the same as the one passed by the New York Con- gressman. De Fonte-Well, it's a won- der our Congressman was not appre- hended. Quinn-What for? De Fonte a counterfeit bill. Dr. Quack-You seem to be much bet ter this morning. Of course you fol- lowed the prescription I gave you? Pa I didn't. If l had, the chances are I would have broken my neck. Dr. Quack-Why, what do you 1 mean? Patient-I threw the prescrip- ton out of the third-story window Chicago News.
 Citv Editor-Nr Strono hoS haan in