El Paso daily herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1881-1901, 1899-10-18
HIS BIRTHDAY

Now, be 1t known, DuDSOn SklplnXnam
is one of the stingiest men to be found
anywhere.
He is rich, of course-such people al
ways are-but the loss of a sixpence
gives him more pain than the loss of a
Jaw tooth would. In fact, he would
rather rejoice in the loss of a tooth, pro-
vided it came out without the assistance
of a dentist. for he might fondly imagine
that his stomach would not require So
much food.
Well, as L was saying, he has BIRTH
days just like us generous men, and II
there is a time in the whole year when he
has a social or generous impulse it is on
these occasions. He has been known to
kill an unpromising chicken and treat
himself to a pint of peanuts and II quart
Of cider in commemoration of the event.
Mrs. Skipingham is quite a different
person. She enjoys the good Things Of
life and uses her influence to make her
husband more civilized than he is natu-
rally. So it is question how bad he
would be if left entirely to himself. But
she gets along with him quite as well as
anybody else could, and occasionally
makes him pony up" in a way that costs
him the price of many a chicken
Skipingham had never owned a watch,
feeling that it was an expensive and I'M
remunerative trinket, although he always
said he would have a good one or more.
Nor does he believe in buying clothes I'M
til they become so questionable as to be
exceedingly cheap. But let US get right
down to his last birthday.
About a week before it transpired his
wife said to him one morning, as he was
sn the eve of going to market:
'IDubsOn, how about that new dress
you have been going to buy me for SO
long time?"
"Oh, Lordy. Maria, don't mention new
dresses these hard times. Wait until the
hens begin to lay
Nonsense. If they laid golden eggs,
you would not consider yourself able to
buy me anything new
you wait until they do and then see"
said he, as he put on his old army over
coat and started off.
As nOvelists say, there was twinkle
Of half anger half mischief in the eye Of
Mrs. S. But she held her peace until
her mornings work was done, and then
she went to see a neighbor.
Women always go to see somebody
when there is anything the matter with
them.
Two days after that Mr.. Skipingham
went to town again, with another lot Of
eggs and a few spring chickens CAST
spring's), and the evening before the
morning of his departure a neighbor, q
widow of some means, came to the
house to ask him to make few pur-
ehases for her. She wanted 20 yards Of
black alpaca and good silver watch.
She said they were for presents, and she
gave him $50 to pay for them.
This pleased Skipingham highly, and
the moment she left the house he began
to dance and caper about as though
under the influence of corn juice.
What under the sun ails you, Dub
son7" asked his wife.
"Why, I'm tickled. Don't you see?
Che has given me $50, and I'll make at
least $40 out of the operation. I know
where [ can get first rate imitation silver
watches for SIS, and she'll never know
the difference; the dress goods won't cost
over $15-why, I'll make at least $40 out
Of her"
Don't pinch too hard, Dubson. Be
sure and get the very best alpaca and
cheat as much as you like on the watch.
She won't know so much about that as
she will about the dry goods"
That's I'll get the best there is
can afford it, and make my profit on
the watch. That's all right" and Mr..
Skipingham went to bed feeling at least
$15 richer than ever.
The next morning he was up bright
and early. He was bent on spending at
Least a dollar of the money he intended to
make il peanuts and candy to get up a
birthday treat for himself, and he prom
iseG his wife that she should share these
high iuxuries with him, if she was a
good girl"
So he came to New York, hurried
through with his business and then went
up town to make his purchases. As for
the alpaca, he bought a very good arti-
cic but it made such hole in the money
that he got frightened, and so bought q
cheap imitation watch, worth about So.
He went home chuckling over his smart
ness and good luck, and wishing that he
could get such a commission every day.
When he reached home, the widow
was there waiting for him. He hand
cd over his goods and made up a
very fine story of how hard he had to
work to get the cloth and watch for $50.
In fact, he assured her that it was all
owing to the hard times that he was en-
abled to get them at such reasonable
figures.
The lady was apparently delighted,
especially with the watch. 1t was simply
splendid, and she agreed with him that it
was very cheap at $50. Mr.. s. was
Happy and actually went down cellar for
a pint of cider. He also gave her a
HANDFUL of peanuts. He felt SO good.
Now" said the lady, after these hos
pitalities had been extended, 81 make
this dress pattern present to your wife,
and the watch a birthday present to you,
Mr.. Skipingham, an evidence of my
esteem for you both. May you live long
TO enjoy them"
Mr.. S. was completely taken aback.
The idea of anybody holding him in high
esteem. He knew that he was universal
~ hated. So after the generous woman
had gone, with a basket of eggs and a
pair of fat chickens as gift from him,
ne yentured to ask his wife what it could
possibly mean. She told him that the
$50 was his own money that she had
given the widow in order to get that long
promised dress, having concluded that
that was the only way she could ever get
It. and when Skipingham thought of his