The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1899-06-23
Publisher.
HUMOROUS ITEMS.


ings, anyway" by getting married,
believe. "-philadephia Bulletin.
ll,~"Let's kiss and make it up"
She-"No. you mustn't kiss me; I've
ALREADY made up."-l4ondon Judy.
Nov, David. how did WaShington's
army cross the nelaware?"
"I'lrase. sir, with hard ships."-Har-
per'S Bazaar.
II almost envy the pickpocket."
"Oh. he takes things so coolly. Phil
adelphia Bulletin.
Are theS. goods pure and unadulter-
ated?" inquired the customer.
''to the pure all things are pure. re-
piled the grocer evasively. New York
Journal.
The Sweet Young Thins-"Now. you
just have to admit that great many
married men are happy.
The Savage Bachelor-''YeS, some Of
them seem never to have Il lucid inter
val" indianapolis Journal.
TIL, sensible view: If she gets the
bonnet" unused the sensible man,
"thrre'll ht the milliner to pay. If she
doesn't get it. thcre'n be the devil to
pay. OF the two, l guess the millner is
likely to ht the more reasonable. Puck.
This magazine article" said Mrs.
North>ile. says that the kangaroos of
Australia are being rapidly exterminat-
ed
"On their last legs. as it WERE" added
Mr. MISUNDERSTANDING Chronicle
!. Telegraph.
Terrence with the hod)-"Yer not
'swrrkin', Dinn;e. Are yez out Of job?"
p,uniS-"Shure. Oi fell off nine-story
buildin' Yesterday and Oh got mad and
quit.
T,rract>-".Aw. go on. Yer too sinsi-
tive."--Judye.
Judging from Impressions: Did the
court convict that automobile owner of
going at al illegal rate of Sleed:' Yes:
the witness had never ridden in an auto
hubble before and he testified that it
went 1T the rate OF one thousand miles
an hour. '-Exchange.
Wiyg-"l see that young Muggins, who
WAS always talking against woman's stuff
rage, has married widow who is twenty
seven years older than himself"
Wagy-"ItS, he always said he would
never have anything to do with the new
woman. Cleveland Leader.
An Exchange of ShotS.-Mr. Wedl
,spitsfully-"Yo look as if you had
been rubbing your face al! over the in.
,<weetly MISUNDERSTANDING have.
love: but it is SmokeleSs powder and
doesn't smell like a bar-room. "-Judge.
why do they have those glass eases
with the axe. hammer, crowhar. etc. in
ru these cars?" asked traveller on the
railroad going to New York.
oh those are put there to use i'll case
anyone wants Il window open, replied
tn. faretouS nlan.-Yonkers Statesman.
There wuz Il musical 'Gazahee'
Wet rote Il leedle rhine.
And had ii set to music
In sort Of Waller" time.
1t sold 1000. 900 copies,
Less 5fEA 500
An Their Teller wot bot Their odd one
Is either dead or dyin'. e. r. T.
Old lady ton ocean steamer,-"Mercy
me. Is this all one ship" Travelled
grand lauShtcr-"Why. yes, grandma,
and we haven't walked Il quarter the
length of it yet. Old lady-"Gra cious:
How near will we be to the land when
we get to the other end ?"-BoSton Tray
Cltr.
y different commodity: Mrs. Newly
we'd II don't why you are in such
hurry t" get t" work mornings. You
used to say that you could love me
through all eternity Mr.. Newlywed--
And SO | can and will, dearest; hut
time on earth is more valuable, YOU
know. Judge.
Gen. Lawton was named by the In
dams as the Man Who-Gets- Up-to-
Fight -in-the- Night If there were in
dams in the Philippines they would desig-
nate "GeneralS'' Aguinaldo, Luna. Pillar
del Rio, ct AL, as the Men Who Run
Away from-a-F Fight Every Chance They
Get. '-Sprngfeld Union.
One day little Johnny saw man
standing on the corner who was above
the average height and with unusually
long feet. Gazing at him in aStonish
lntn for Il few moments, he finally eN-
claimed: Say. mister, if they hadn't
bent your legs up SO far you'd be sure
enough giant. wouldn't your
Papa" said Benny Bloobumpcr, here
in the paper it says that all right-mind
,.l persons must agree with this view of
the subject; What is right-minded per-
son. papa:'
"a riSht-minded person, Benny" re-
piled Mr.. BloohuInper, lis a person who
thinks as you think. "-I4ife.
Clerk ITO patent medicine man)-"Uere
is il curious crcdential from one of our
customers.
Medicine Man-"Read it,
Clerk Before took your Elixir my
face was a sight. You ought to see it
now. Send me another bottle for my
mother-in law.'-Harlem Life.
band. Mrs. BROWNE ITS Prof.
Sparkes. George raves about him. Says
his conversation is an intellectual treat.
Go and ask to be introduced" Thanks,
hnt | hardly feel equal to all intellectual
conversation this afternoon. l think I'll
stop where am, if you don't mind!"--,
London Punch.
Magistrate-"Yo are charged with
stealing dog. What have you to say?''
Prisoner (sullenly)-'The dog followed
me ONE
Magstrate-"But the constable says
it did so because you had some liver
about YOU
Prisoner Gmpudently)-"Well, Il man
can't walk about without 'is liver, can
'e?'-Tit-Bits.