The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1899-12-06
Mr.. DOOley on POlygamy.

"HOw nanny wives has this mere
man Roberts that's thryin' to break in
to Congressp" Mr.. Dooley asked.
81 dinnaw," said Mr.. Hennessy; 81
niver heerd iv him."
81 think it's three" said Mr.. Dooley.
"No wondher he needs wurruk an is
fghtin' hard FIR tn joDl I'm with him
too, be hivensl Not that Pm be taste
or inclination a marryin' man, Hin
Missy. They may get me to tn altar
some day. Thu best iv us falls, like
Cousin George, an there ARE designin'
women in this very block that 1 have
me own throubles in dodgin'. But
amy time We hear iv me bein' dhrawn
firm tn quiet miseries an exclusive
discomforts iv single life ye may know
that they have caught me asleep an
chloroformed me. It's thrue. But FIR
thin that likes it it's al fright, an if a
mans done something in his youth that
he has to do pinance FIR, an tn sta
tions iv tn cross amt sthrOng enough,
lave him, says l, marry as NANNY wom-
en- as he wants, an live with thin an
die con-tint. TIL Mormons thinks
they ARE commanded be tn Lord FIR
to marry all tn incl geable Swede
women. Now don't believe tn Lord
liver commanded even Mormon f'r to
do anything so foolish, an if he did
he wuddent lave tn command written
on a pie-plate an burrid out there at
Nauvoo, in Hancock county, Illinye.
Ye can bet on that. Hinnissy.
"But if amy wan believes watts
done, say, lave him believe it an lave
him clasp to his bosom as many De-
sons as'll have him. Sure, in tn pris-
int state iv tn matrimonial market as
Hogan calls it when he goes down TO
coort the rich widow O'Brien, tn lad
that wants to engage in Enterprises iv
that sort ought to have fri'nd in ivry
wan but tn men that keeps imploymint
agencies.
"But no. TIL minyit M )rmon
thries to break into political job, a
obligation rises, an says they :
What they says, permit this polluted
mousther f'r to invade tn chaste at
mosphere', they SAYS, 'iv tn House of
RiprisintitivesI' they says. Permit
him FIR to parade his family down Pinn-
syvania Avanoo an block thraflicP
they says. Permit him, mebbe, to sit
in tn chair wanst occupied be tn late
laminted Breckinridger they says.
An they proceed FIR to hunt tn poor
crow ded man. An he takes a day off
to kiss his wife firm house to house,
an holds meetin' iv his childer to bid
thin goodbye, and r-runs to hide in a
cave Till tn obligation ray Numbers
that they have husbands iv their own,
an goes home to cook TIL supper.
ga Mormon, Hinnssy, is a man that
has tn bad taste an tn rillijion to do
what a good NANNY other men ARE
scruples an tn polls. l don't want
amy wife; We, Hinnissy, ARE satisfied,
not to say con-tiut, with wan; another
la-ad feels that he'd be lonesome with
our tin. IT'S a matther of disposition,
If liver | got started, thu Lord on'y
knows where I'd bring up. might be
like me frind an fellow Sultan, Hadi
Mohammed. Hadji has wives TO burn
an wanst in a while he BURNS wan
He has a betther job thin Congress
man.
eth best Congressman can get i;
fourth-class postmaster an look il
at tn White House on visitin' day. Bu
Hadji, thu poplar an iioquent Sultar
~ Sulu an Bazeen iv Ohio iv tn Pas
syfic, owns his own palace an dsthrib'
utes his own jobs. No man can hole
III Office iv bowsthringer iv our i'm
peeryal domain without a CERTIFICATE
RIM Hadji. Firm tn highest office il
tn land to tn lowest, firm tn chic
pizener to tn throne to tn humbles
lxicutioner that puts lady in bag an
dumps her into TIL lake iv tn Nine
millionth ASSEMBLY District, they lool
o Hadji Mohammed firm their places
He is tn high guy, tn main thing
He's ivrybody. Win be quits wurrul
tn governmint is over t'r TIL day. An
docs amy wan say, 'Hadji, yen hav'
abandon two 'or three hundred IL
ye'er 6resides. Ye ar-re Twin JUS in
side tn left field fnce iv our domain
an tits rule iv tn game that we'v
taken ye into that no wan shall hav
more thin wan wife at a time, that ann.
van knows of. In behalf iv tn CONT,
" tn Society If tn Suppression i'
Poly-gamv, request ye to discar'
Nora an Eileen an Mary Ann an SUI
n Bimbi an tn r-rest iv TIL bunch an
cave only to Lucille. judge be he
looks that she's tn first Missus Hattie
"No, sir. If he had, he'd reach til
ship that runs between our outlyin
Yards without hair to his head. Ii
L., - ~ 4 ,