The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1899-03-07
FUNNY LETTER WRITER'S.
Their Notion of HumortAs Displayed in
the Addresses on Envelopes.

may slip through Uncle Sans posta
mill as speedily and safely as possible
| No racking of the intellect is required
| in the process, and but little physica
| exertion-simply the inscribing of 4
| name and address. Yet in the face OF
| this, ask the man who superintends the
| sorting of the mail in our local post
office about it, and if he does not throw
up his hands and fervently cry, TIE
| Lord preserve us from those who don't
| or won't know how to address letter..
| it will be because he is too busy to dc
| more than think his opinion.
OF the thousands of letters which go
| through the Office weekly it is surprls-
| ing to learn that hundreds of them,
| through faulty addresses, cause the
postoffice people almost as much extra
trouble as the handling of those which
| are in proper form. And the acts of this
same class are also the most potent fac
tor in keeping the wheels of industry
humming in the dead letter office at
Washington all the year round.
Carelessness on the part of letter
writer's is the cause of the appearance
of most of these bothersome mssves,
and in this line San Francisco is en-
titled to a seat in the grand stand, as
the records of the office will show. 1t
is the careless person who drops let
ter adorned with stamp, but I'M
adorned with an address, into the box;
it is kindred spirit who mails letter
to q friend in some distant city which
the writer locates in state having no
such city within its borders; it is one
with a similar failing who directs his
letter to a certain street and leaves a
blank space below for the postOffice Off
Gals to fill in any city or town it may
occur to them the street is situated in;
it is carelessness that brings to the
postoffice a neatly addressed and stamp
ed envelope which is, however, unsealed
and destitute of contents. just the sort
of an affair to cause a fearful breach
between two correspondents, one angry
because of an unanswered letter and
the other indignant because his tale of
the empty envelope is discredited. But
to tell of the devious and aggravated
ways of the careless letter writer would
take day in itself.
Ignorance also plays its part in the
letter game, as few select specimens
will show. 1t was certainly an ignorant
person who not long ago addressed a
letter to His honorableness the presi
dent leaving it to the superior wisdom
of the postmaster to guess whether the
letter was a petition to the president
of the United States for a position or an
appeal to the president of glue trust
for job as laborer.
Ignorance. or a childlike belief in the
supernatural powers of the postal Off
Gals also inspired the following effusive,
though vague, inscription on a rather
dirty envelope dropped in the main
office:
ITO my cusin. Martha Small who
lives in Organ and was gon to moove
to Montanner.'
Another missive with a nomadic adj
dress was odorous with mystery. 1t
was directed:
Samuel Kramer, Milwaukee, Wis;
if not, try Columbus, O.: or, may be
Dallas Tex; or. perhaps, Bangor. Me-"
Was this letter representative of a
forlorn hope to reach long lost heir
to fortune, or the frantic attempt of a
creditor to run down an elusive debtor?
A piece of handiwork worthy of the
immortal Handy Andy is exhibited by
letter which, besides the stamp, bore
only on its face this writing:
IF not delivered in 10 days. Postmas-
ter will please omen and return as per
address inside. Stamp inclosed.
But it is not the careless and ignor-
ant alone who clog up the postal ma
chinery and cause the letter men to
give way at times to an inclination to
use words of lurid tnge and emphatic
meaning. Their correspondence, of
samples, from an outside view is cas-
lily disposed of by being thrown aside
in a hurry of making up mail, and af
terward bundled off to the postal
morgue at Washington, unless there is
some Identification mark whereby it
may be returned to the writer.
There is a vast and growing army
of cranks VINO seem to live only for
the purpose of using the mails in their
own peculiar idotic way. In the opera
tons of some of these there is studied
fiendishness that would suggest a gil
gantic conspiracy to drive postal clerks
to the insane asylum or the clammy
tomb. San Francisco has some shining
lights in the crank line as may be seen
by what follows:
In the first place, there is the puz-
zle crank, who imagines that a two
cent stamp gives him the privilege OF
displaying at the expense of the postal
officials his marvellous powers as an
enigma maker. OF many which annoy
ed the postoffice last year, the follow
ing is a fair sample:
F. (color) H. tSeCond President)
Seventh President
10-S-C.