The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1899-09-01
THEIR HOUSE PHONE
- HERE are three other subscribers on
Spence's party telephone wire. That
is the limit.

is the limit.
The wisdom of this quadruple arrange
nent is, Spence says, one of the most mani
fest things he ever ran across. If there
were more than four subscribers to line
no one of them could succeed in edging in
more than an average of SO conversations
daily unless he neglected his business and
devoted his entire time to securing control
of the wire. This Spence has carefully fig
ured out according to the doctrine of
chances and the theory of accumulating
probabilities, using up all the logarthms
at his command in the process. OF course
in this event the subscriber would become
discouraged in time and would either order
the service discontinued or would wreck
the telephone with an ak. If, on the other
hand, there were only two or even one other
person with an interest in the line the thing
would degenerate into q mere annoyance,
with the same ultimate result.
AS it is, Spence approaches his telephone
with feeling of excitement attending the
uncertainty of finding the line clear that is
SO intense as to seem almost illegal. The
gambling instinct is aroused within him.
Formerly when he felt that he needed a
stimulus of this sort he dropped penny
into the nearest slot machine that dis
pemsed chocolate and chewing gum. Spence
loathes chewing gum. He is, however, alb
normally fond of chocolate When he put
his penny in the slot he knew that the odds
that he would not get gum were two to
one, adopting the ratio of the probability
that he would get chocolate, and making
the customary discount for the innate per-
versity of inarimate objects. His feeling,
therefore, as ne pushed the button was
one Of distinctly pleasurable devilishness,
but it was not to be compared with the tele-
phone dissipation.
Taking all this into consideration, the
limit of four, Spence says, is quite an ideal
one. There are just enough to infuse the
element of uncertainty into the thing. and
not too many to prevent the telephone
from being occasionally of practical utility.
The other night Mrs. Spence said to her
husband after dinner:
81 had quite chat with Mary to-day. She
said her mother was coming to see her next
week and she would have to come over on
Wednesday if she came at ALL"
''Was she here?"
"No, talked with her over the phone"
"At the drug store?"
Why, no; over our phone Oh, and do
you know, Wilson, that man who was so
rude last week broke in on me four times
again. He was perfectly awful about it"
I'D break in on him if l knew who he
was" said Spence, savagely. "Pd break
him in two. You didn't stop talking unit
you finished what you had to say, did you?"
'No, indeed, l didn't"
"By George" said Spence, "if she's COM
Ing on Wednesday we'll have to let Robert
know. What time is it? l guess I'd just
about catch him at home now. Excuse me
half minute, will you?"
You'd better make it half an hour" said
his wife.
He placed the receiver to his ear, but he
said nothing for moment, and then he
hung the receiver up again before he said it.
''Why, Wilson! I'd be ashamed" said
Mrs. Spence.
"Oh, WE'LL" said Spence, "the other peo-
pie have got the wire now"
He seemed to be trying to convey the i'm
preston that this was rather an unusual
occurrence. "They'n be through in min
ute or two," he added, hopefully, but with
a distinct challenge of contradiction in his
look
For the stated minute OF two he walked
up and down the room, stopping to look
at the pictures on the wall, as if he had
just noticed them for the first time and
they struck him as rather good in their
way. Then he sat down and unlocked the
receiver again. The clock could be heard
ticking very plainly.
Good" exclaimed Spence, presently,
with one hand covering the mouthpiece Of
the telephone. Hes going away on his
summer vacation. He's telling the cheap
skate at the other end where he can buy
his duck trousers at about half the regular
price.
"He's telling how many fish he caught
last year.
"He's not going to take his WIFE
"Say, this must be going to last all night.
Hello!
"Hello!
Hello! Amt you pretty near through?
Yes, l know you are.-No.-Yes, but I'd
like to talk some time tonight myself
l am; want to call doctor. My fam
ily's sick.-What's that?-You wouldn't
have the sand to tell me so except over the
wire.-lm going to see the manager my
self.-l think I've got few rghts-No, not
with blamed hog"
Spence hung up the receiver. again.
''He declined TO ring off," he said. HE
says he disikes to be interrupted"
Il wouldn't bother" said Mrs. Spence.
You can write Robert a note and mail it in
the morning and he'll get it in plenty of
time"
"I'm paying rent for this telephone"
said Spence, with great frmuess. "lm 60
ing to get Robert if l have to keep calling
all night"
Nevertheless he made no immediate effort
In this direction, but began to talk very
entertainingly TO friend who had dropped
in on the policy of expansion. 1t is quite
possible that he would have forgotten all
about the telephone if his wife had not re-
peatedly reminded him of it-in fact, he
seemed to wish to forget it.
This time he did not whistle as he sat
down at the telephone desk, and his ex-
preston was gloomy, but almost immedi-
ately a radiant smile overspread his coun-
tenance.
main O,378, if you please" he said, and
hitched his chair up and settled himself
comfortably. Hello! Is Mr.. Thornby in?
oh, is that you, Bob?-Say, wanted to
tell you that Mary is coming Wednesday in
stead of Monday. Can't you get away?-
Good!-Why, pretty well, thanks! She's
raIser trying, of course, but | have to bear
with hcr.-All right, then; Wednesday,
Sure thing.-Good-Oh. keep out, can't
you'll was going-No, I've been here just
about a minute"
Spence was waving an imaginary hat over
his head as he talked.
"lm sorry you've got bad opinion Of me,
but won't You kindly keep out? Are you
there, Bob? Yes, as | was saying, it's a
beautiful little thing. 1t begins: The boy
stood on the burning deck, whence all but
bn bod Hal. tho flou,ac that ~ Il, Io1