davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The silver lance., 1899-01-27

The people of Colorado ought to be
thankful that we have no United States
Senator to elect this session.
The silver lance., 1899-01-27
Orc G. EATON, FRANK l. WHITE.
Editors and Publishers.

u,,er.x at the Crysta. Post Office for trans-
iC,a;on through the mails sacond-class matter:
The silver lance., 1899-01-27
ADVERTISING RATES /:

speeial rates quoted on application.
The silver lance., 1899-01-27
THE SILVER LANCE.

o,,a,1sBgp EVERY FRIDAY AT CRYSTAL
GussrsoN COUNTY, COLORADO.
The silver lance., 1899-01-27

A force of nine men is employed at the
Burt. and development work is being
pushed as rapidly as possible. This week
a cIibbing was built for retaining wall
to hold the ore which is being taken out
while opening up the property.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
pUNcEHr PARAGRAPHS

He-"These weddings are . borel
Don't you think SOP She-.I don't
know. I've never tried one."-Town
Topics.
Lawyer-"Do you swear the collision
raised the entire carr" Witness.
well, it raised everything but the win
dows."-Judge. .-
Mrs. Oatcake (reading newspaper)--
There are $4,000 Poles in PhiIadeI-
phia." Farmer Oatcake-"Gosh! what
a place to raise beans!"-PhiIadelphia
Record.
Dismal Dawson-"Oh, we'll, the pore
man can't choose his lot, as the Teller
says" Everett Wrest-"No; but he
has to take lot he don't choose."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
City Girl (pointing to a wild plant
by the wayside)-"What's that?" Coun-
try Cousin-"That's milkweed." CITY
Girl-"Oh, yes; that's what you feed
the COWS on."-Ohio State Journal.
Attorney-"When did your husband
first, show signs of insanity, madame
Wife-'"The day he married me- /
then discovered he was making only
ten dollars week." Philadelphia
North American.
The Real Thing.-Captain of Football
Team-"That man Subbs is the best
tackler on the team; we discovered him
in Lonsomehurst only a week ago."
Friend (astounded)-"Why, how did he
get his training?" Captain-"Catching
trains. "-Freshman.
Took One.-Husband (kindly)-"My
dear, you have nothing decent to wear,
have you?" Wife with alacrity)-"No
indeed, I haven't; not thing. I'd b
ashamed to be seen anywhere. My very
newest party dress has been worn
three times already" Husband-"Yes,
that's just what told Biffkins when
he offered me two tickets for the opera
tonight. knew that if took them
they'd only be wasted. So I just took
one. Well, I must hurry."-St. An
drew's Gazette.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
monial affairs, November in Holland

monial. affairs, November in Holland
being the month par excellence de.
voted to courtship and marriage, prob
ably because the agricultural occupa.
tons of the year. are over, and pos
sibly because the lords of creation
from quite remote antiquity have rec
ognized the pleasantness of having
wives to cook and cater for them dur
ing the long winter, says the Denver
News.
On Review Sunday everybody goes
to church, and after service there is
a church parade in every village, when
the youths and maidens gaze upon
each other, but forbear to speak,
On Decision Sunday each bachelor
who is seeking wife approaches the
maiden of lis choice with ceremoni-
GUS bow, and from her manner of re-
spending judges whether his advances
are acceptable. Purchase Sunday the
consent of the parents is sought il the
suit has p1ospered during the week.
Not till Possession Sunday, however,
do the twain appear before the world
as actual or prospective brides and
9rooms,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
DEwEY's SERVICE SWORD.
hit Of Steel Two Feet LonE for whicl
$500 Was OF.
fered.

A bit of steel little more than two
feet in length has been the attraction
for some time for the patrons of fash
ionable tailoring establishment, which
does large business with officers of
the army and navy, writes Washing
ton correspondent Of the Pittsburgh
Dispatch. Though very plain and in
significant in itself, it is fascinating
and important as having for long been
the companion Of the most notable and
popular hero of the late war with Spain.
Admiral Dewey, having been for many
years a patron of this establishment,
left his sword there to have its handle
gilded, and the tailors were allowed to
please their patrons by exhibiting it to
them. Many are the offers that have
been made for its purchase. In the
presence of the writer day or two
ago one gentleman offered $500 for It.
The makers of uniforms, ETC., laughed
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
American Soldiers Praised.

The behavior of the American sol.
diers in the far east has attracted at
tention in all parts of the world. So
recently as just before the outbreak
of the Transvaal war the Daily Mail
of Grahamstown, Cape Colony, in an
appreciative editorial on 1.-THE Amer.
lean Troops in Manila" said: Zone les.
son taught by the struggle in the Phil.
lippine archipelago is the amazing for.
titude of the American troops. Prac.
tically every man in the volunteer
forces has been under fire almost con.
tinuously since February 4, and in adj.
dition to constant fighting has never
had a moments freedom from anxiety
as to possible maneuvers of skulking
willy foes, who know every inch of the
country, and know how to take advan.
tage of its potentialities. The lines have
been so long that it has been necessary
to keep every regiment to the front
The regulars have had Almost the same
experience, but not quite as much of it.
If the campaign has demonstrated
nothing else it has shown the marvel
GUS staying powers of Uncle Sans
troops suddenly transferred to the
tropics. IN. Y. Sun.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
EYEGLASSES AND WIZ I.
The Increase IN the Number Worn
Not nm Evidence OF DeEenera-
tton OF the Eyes.

The question is often asked, particu-
larly by those who can recall the Gus.
toms and experiences of rs years ago:
"Why do SO many persons nowadays
wear glasses?" The answer is easy:
"The increase in the number Of spec
tacles worn is not to be regarded as an
evidence of modern degeneration Of the
eyes, but rather that long-felt me-
cessity has been met" For it should
be remembered that within the past
quarter of century much has been
learned about the value of glasses, and
the range of their application and use
fulness has been enormously extended.
OF course, the eyes need more helpnow
than formerly, as the amount ofwork
they are required to do is much greater
than at any previous period in the
worlds history. The sewing machine
and many other inventions of its class
save the labor of the hands only to add
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Meteors Prefer Mornfne.

An interesting and significant fact is
that the average hourly number of me-
teors is only half as great in the even.
ing as in the morning and in the even
ing their velocity is lower. The reason
is that at sunset we have before US the
point in the heavens from which we are
moving in our orbital journey around
the sun, while the morning we face the
point toward which we are advancing:
in the evening we are in the rear of the
earth, at sunrise in front, This in
crease in the numbers and speed of the
morning meteors is just what ought to
happen if they are bodies moving ineiis-
criminately in all directions under the
suns attraction, aud with the velocity
(about 26 miles second) which body
would acquire in falling toward the sun
from distance very great as compared
with the size of our planetary orbits
Prof. C. A. Young, in Lippincott.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
and remarked that the person would

and remarked that the person would
have to raise the ante several times
to be up to the figures of other would
be buyers of the famous weapon. A
gentleman who overheard the offer of
$500 declared himself for $1,000, and
still another who was present counted
out $1,000 in the long green. OF course
the proprietor laughed at these absurd
offers, as if to say there was not money
enough in the world to purchase from
Admiral Dewey this simple weapon
that had been his side partner through
out all the days of anxiety and of vic
tory during that passage of his life
which gave him within a few short
hours whatever qualification there was
in the consciousness that he had won
undyinr fame.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
LOSS OF LIFE AT SEA.
erably Lower Than for Pre-.
viOuS Year,

The annual report of the supervising
inspector general of steamboats,, which
has just been made public in the form
OF an abstract, contains highly inter-
esting exhibit of the numbers of lives
lost at sea from American vessels dur
ing the last calendar year, together
with other important correlated infor-
nation. 1t appears from this document
that the total number of persons
drowned, or who came to their death in
other ways, was 404, which is consid-
cradle increase over the previous year,
when the aggregate of fatalities was
1913 less This increase was due to the
laundering of the steamer Portland of
the Massachusetts coast during the
great gale on the night of November ~,
1898. Every one of the 1877 persons on
board persisted.
Of the total of 404 Sc fatalities were
chargeable to accidental drowning, 213
persons went down with wrecks. IL
succumbed to fires, 81 were killed in
collisions, "a were the victims of ex-
plosions or of accidental escape OF
steam, and in 81 cases miscellaneous
causes were reported.
The chapter on destruction of vessel
property shows that 4s vessels met with
accidents, seven had fires, 10 were in
collision, eight experienced breaking
OF steam pipes, two had explosions and
IS encountered snags and wrecks or
developed leaks. AS the duty of the
supervising inspector generals Office is
to ascertain whether steam vessels have
complied with all the safety require
ments in the matter of live-saving appli-
ances and relative to the condition of
boilers the report may be considered
favorable exhibit. The destruction Of
the Portland was not due to laxness on
the part of inspectors, but to the reck-
lessness of her captain, who insisted on
putting out to sea in the teeth of fierce
storm.
Except for this disaster, the loss of
life would have been comparatively
small. Only two vessels were damaged
by explOsions-an excellent record con-
sidering the extent of steam water
traftic.-Baltimore Herald.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
when the WORN Turned-

Mrs Smith repeatedly reminded her
husband that the silver was hers, the
poor Smith almost wished he had mar
ried girl without a penny The other
night Mrs Smith awoke 20 hear strange
voices in the lower part Of the house,
and, vigorously punching her husband
in the ribs, called: John, get ups
There are burglars down below
"Ehs inquired Mr. Smith, sfesPiIy-
Burglars - dowHstairs." shrieked
Mrs Smith.
"BurgIars?" said Smith, as he turned
over WELL there's nothing Of mine
there,"-TIt-Bfts.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

StsH There was No nese1bssD0t
You don't seem to be able TO mzIks
such pies as my first wife made re-
marked Snooper to his second, a. he
shoveied huge pieces Of the pastry
into his mouth
DO you look much Ike the first
Mrs. Shopper asked the second,
rather irrelesantIy. by way Of reply
DO I look like her? That's queer
question. How can a man look LIKE
q woman2-
81 don't know. but thought per-
haps you looked like her, because-be-
cause"
because wFsat9-
"Because you remind me 50 much Of
her.-Hariem Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
THE OLD HOOKED RUGS.

When Aunt Belindy got her frame and
stretched some burlap in with lacks,
And set two chairs exactly right and hung
the frame across their backs,
We children used to huddle round and
watch the thing with all our eyes.
And get in Aunt Belindy's way and make
her old-maid temper rise.
But yet we braved her cuffs and threats
and crowded up around her snug,
Determined not to miss move In starting
In to hook that rug.
I've seen lightning artist paint and en-
terrain q sidewalk mob,
And people who are looking on can see he 5
doing quite job,
But he can never hold my gaze as my old
Aunt Belindy could
When, taking from the ash-strewn hearth
apiece Of charred and blackened wood,
She drew upon the burlap breadth designs
as fast as we could look
SQuee-jiggers, scrolls and twists and
quirks-to show the figures she should
hook.
And when upon the virgin cloth the border
slowly, slowly grew
It seemed to our young, anxious gaze that
such task would ne'er be through.
So many bits Of rag and tag, so many hooks
and pulls and ships.
It seemed as vast and grand task as
building palaces ana SHIPS,
And in our childish eyes, fear, Creations
self had not to lug
The burden Aunt Belindy did when she
commenced to hook rug.
And yet with things well under way, hel
temper softened and she took
Our proffered aid, and when it came to
filling in" she let US hook.
She let US pick the colors out and rum
mage through the bullying bags,
And separate the wooden strips and snip
and twist the cotton rags;
And when at last the frame was full and
pa with sheep shears clipped it snug,
We shared in Aunt Belindy's pride as I'M
derstudies on that rug.
A score or more Of years ago Belindy
passed where rugs are not;
I trust she walks on pearl and gold while
mortals tread the rugs she wrought,
For she has earned eternal rest who
worked so hard this side the tomb,
Who put such patience in her tasks to
cheer the old homes dear fore-room
But when, my boy, we wander home, we
weary worldlings curst by cares,
And tiptoe to the dear old room and sit
there in the horsehair chairs,
Those dear old rugs bring only tears that
drop upon them as we look
For, oh. that ragged rug of Life our hands
since then have helped to hook!
Holman F. Day, in Lewiston Journal
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Fairy Rings.

Mr.. Steele has an article in knowledge
on 'Fairy Rings" those green circles in
pastures which were formerly believed
to be caused by be midnight revelry
of the fairies. They are caused by a
fungus whose spawn spreads centrif-
ugally in every direction and forms a
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
to that required of the eyes, says Lip

pincott's. ~
New employments, new amusements
and new fashions are continually being
introduced to increase the exactions laid
upon these sensitive and delicate or
gans. The steady decrease of illiteracy,
together with the general cheapness of
literature and spread of a taste for it,
the enormous circulation of novels,
magazines and newspapers, the ever-in-
creasing use of artificial illumination,
all combine to overtax the eyes and to
weaken or possibly destroy the sight
unless the required aid and protection
be supplied through every means atour
disposal. Thus it happens that the
sometime luxury of properly adjusted
glasses has come to be recognized and
understood by very many of the present
generation as one of the real necessi-
ties of their lives.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Her COMFORTING Reminder.

"Gradually the mementoes of the no.
BILE red man are disappearing" he ex-
be no trace or memento of the Indian
left"
Cheer up, Charley, dear" answered
young Mrs. Torkins. I'VE will always
have the state of Indiana, you know
Washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Jolly Times ut a Funeral.

Hungarian peasants like to have Z
good time when somebody dies. A
wealthy farmer at Szabadka recently
left 1900 acres of land and large
sum to his nephews. In his pockets
were found $1,000 forms in cash. This
sum. it was decided, he had set aside
for snmptuous funeral, SO the bells
were kept ringing two days and every.
body was royalty entertained.-N Z.
sur
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
To Fit the Day.

Mother-For mereJ's sake what are
you children doing?
Bertha-We are playing that Dora
is fashionable beauty, and We are only
just admiring her
Mother-But you shouldn't play
plays on Sunday
Bertha-Sot If we regard Dora Al q
church belIe2-Boston Transcript
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
The Next Best Thing.

FlossievMamma, want some wa
ter to christen my doll.
Mamma-No, dear; it's wrong, you
know.
Flossie-WelI, then. I want some wax
to waxinate her. She's old enough now
to have something done to her.-PhiIa-
delphia Times.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
An Undesirable Remedy.

Jones-Had Il tilt with the wife, eh 2
Well, don't feel so downhearted over
air. you know
Brownies, that may be true, but It
don't help the man who has been struck
by the Hghtning-y Y World
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Gave Them Their Due

''They say that at some OF those sun-
mer resorts the rooms are 50 small a
man can't have his vaEise IN with him.
That's not so: got my vaIise IN
all right; but OF course I had to go
out in the hall to open it~-Detroft
Free Press
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
A Change I'm Circumstances.

A Change fin Circumstances.
He-Don't you think that girl over
there is beautiful?
She (coldly criticaD-Ch, I dom.
know. Who is she?
He-Mrs. Nuter. just been mar
ried.
She-Yes. think she is-quite
Observation-Disclosures Free Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
See Through Them Thep,

mfr. Grave" said the editor, you'd
better call in the services of a carpen-
ter, and have the bill sent to the office"
"What do want with a carpenter"
demanded the humorist.
Have few windows put in your
jokes North American.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

Autumn twists the human visage
In melancholy frown
At an unexpected rainfall
With umbrellas all downtown.
Chicago Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

SpTockett-Wheeler seems to be
stuck on that new doctor Of his.
Skorcha-Tes. he likes his up-to-date-
ness When Wheeler was sick in bed
the first thing the doctor said was
"Oh, we'll have you on your pedals
again in few days--CathoIic Stand
ard and Times.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
In Trnfuiur

Yabsley-The amount OF time YOU
have put in lodging the fellow you owe
the five is worth more than the money
NUDGE know It is. but have hope
that some day T will owe an amount
worth lodging for.-IndianapoEis Jour
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
sanitau AiIre.A.

Bombay has railroad which il used
In connection with the sanitation of the
town. According to the engineer, IL IL
over three miles long, and is intended
for transporting the road sweepings to
q piece of land nearly 900 acres in ex,
tent.-Philadelphia Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

Merritt = He was so absent-mindef
that he proposed the second time to a
girl who had once refused him.
Cora-How embarrassing.
Merritt-But it turned out all right.
She happened to be absent-s.1indedr too
Town Topics.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

A friend in need IS a friend indeed.
When he grabs you by tine collar,
And says "Oid boy, it gives HE joy.
To let you have this dollar
Chicago Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

Fsther-But our boy is only IS years
old What makes you think he is in
love?
Nother-He washed his neck this
morning without being told to do so.-
j. 7. World
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Reason for His weuEuesV-

Mrs. Church-Do you know my hus-
even now.
Mrs Gotham-You don't mean IT,
Yes, do, he fell over a rocking
chair in the dark once--Youkers
Statesman
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
DUTCH LOVE SUNDAYS.
Four Snbbaths in November Are Fet
Days in the Land of Dikes
and bitches,

The four Sundays of November are
observed as fete days in Holland.
They are known by the curious names
of Review, Decision, Purchase and
Possession, and all refer to matri-
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Learning Appreciated.

Cultivated Stranger-You advertise
for man who can speak % languages I?
Mr.. Gotham-Yes, sir The position
is still open.
May ask concerning the matter of
its duties?"
Certainly. own considerable prop
erty in New York. and I want a man
to collect the rents."-N Y. Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
just the Patient for Hin.

Young DR.. Fresh-Here comes that
Mrs. fowler. Positively, there isn't the
first thing that ails her.
Old DR.. Sage-EvidentIy you are just
the man for her ease.-Boston Tran
script.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Another Great R<forn.

"Whst reform are you interested in
now?"
II am advocating that people be
paid double for the work they do when
they don't feel like working.--Chicago
Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

You may kick and you may CUT
The dudelet If you will,
But the odor of the cigarette
Clings round about him still.
Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

Mother Ito Fritz, who is being photo
graphed for the first time)-Don't cry
so, Fritz. Nothing will hurt you, and
it'll only take minute.
Fritz-Yes, but that's just what you
told me when we were at the dentists.
-Unsere Gesellschaft
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
George Wns Slew.

Mae-1ou know / bet a pound of
chocolates with George on the cleo
ton
EthelETes- Did you win?
Mae-No. I lost and the stupid fool
didn't have sense enough to suggest
that I pay him in kisses.-N Y Jour
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
Poetic ForesbSv~ht.

The poet wrote OF summer heat
In verse with mad abuse reptere-
Those savage rawlings, coined to gold.
Bought wood to Shield him from the cold
Detroit Free Press
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
HAD HIN THERE

What call this blooming Eare1
You're far from a gentleman. MISTER
"Jusso; but I'm pretty close to q
blackguard- Ally SIoper-
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
|! They say the Boers

A1gy-Deah me! They say the Beers
have got all the diamonds!
Miss Bland-They certainly have
some of them!-JeweIers' Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08
In the Hur1v-BurIy

But few can ever hope to have
A pedestal tO-stand on.
And most Of US are lucky IL
We find our feet to land on.
Puck.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

common felt from which the fruit rises
at it's extreme edge, the soil of the inner
disk is exhausted, and the spawn dies
there while it spreads all round in an
outward direction and produces an
other crop, whose spawn spreads again.
The rank growth of the grasses COM
posing these rings is probably due to
the fungus taking up from the soil or
ganic nitrogen which is not available
to the grasses, and in some way be-
coming the medium of supply of the soil
nitrogen to the grasses forming the
circle. .s..' .-s..
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-12-08

CPODhed.
Spilkins is a college graduate. The
other evening he was calling on a
young lady and they were talking over
the results of the Saturday football
games.
Were you football player, Mr.
Spilkins? asked the young lady.
"Oh, yes, indeed. I was quite star
in my day."
"Oh, you were. One of those fall
ing stars, I suppose
Spilkins went home earIy-Detroit
Free Press.
A Matter Of Regret.
Our daughters eIoped with the coach
man.
Cried she. and he answered: How sad
He should thus run away for I'm willing to
say
He's the best one we ever had"
-Ellfott's Magazine.