West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1899-12-07
Banks Of the Styx. SheoI.
Nov. 3. 1890.


Dear barney II will cndeavor to
write letter as | promised before
leaving New York. Sam Jones mad
vertcntly told tho truth, for just as he
predicted, and as myself socretly ex.
pected. am In Hades. Came straight
through without stop. am sitting
on hot cindor, writing this letter ON
piece OF slate gouged out OF the cell
ing with my trident. A trident
YOU know, il one of those funny loolt-
ing pitch forks like Neptune used to
carry about with him al the seaside.
Everybody has one and IT. makes fel.
low think he's at n Populist convention.
When was on earth didn't believe
| IN He'll, for i travelled in Kansas and
didn't think there could be two places
SO nearly alike. But | hadn't been
here half day until believed whole
lot. IL is much more genuine and real
istic than anticipated. but I think Ill
like II when | get acclimated. Just
now my fee: are blistered from walk.
ing on the hot pavements, and am
| dabbling them in the Styx TO get them
cooled off | was talking to Moses
awhile ago, and he says they will soon
get calloused and then I'll be all hunk
adoiY. He has read my Mistakes OF
Moses and laughingly admitted that
he had made good many when he
was new to the business. He is n iov.
ial old cuss, and ] rather like him.
Told me on the dcad-eyeryt thing is on
| the dead" hcre-that he did not write
| the Pentatcuch, but he knows who did.
| There are lots OF people here and
strangers arrive daily. But | would
not advise you to come down until fall
or winter and even then you needn't
bring anything but light summer
suit. You wouldn't need an overcoat,
um brella or skates, but you might
bring along leaf fan or two. Foran
imaginary, mythical, fRurative. al
legorical unorthodox He'll, this is
about the hottest one ever got into.
But, say, / got here just in time to
strike snap. Henry Ward Beecher
had just been retired on account OF old
age, and Mephistophcles appointed me
TO succeed him as the boss OF the New
York colony, the largest one here.
have n lovely new trident, with cute
little spear point business on the tines,
and the Devil has promised TO get me
a long red tail and pair OF horns
like his, when he goes TO town next
week. He seems 90 have taken fancy
TO me
There are ministers here OF every
denomination, and several camp meet
Jugs are in progress down the river.
! Horace Greedy introduced me 10 Spur
geon and TO Old Peter Cartwright last
night, and we bad a pleasant little
lark together. They expect 1amage
% join them before long. / have also
shaken hands with Tom Paine and
Voltaire and find them very pleasant
gentlemen. Said they had watched
my career for some time and were ex-
pectinR me daily Ben Franklin call.
ed on me this morning. He is wearing
his hair short, and doesn't look like
Queen Lilloultalani as he used 20 do.
never could tell their pictures apart
OF course the trust is here biggern
70 chipmunk. Solomon and Brigham
| Young haye All the women cornered
and the politicians are organizing 90
select new Devil They want me 90
make tho nominating speech You
know nominated Blaine for President
once, and did IL up in shape. Don't
know who will be the nominee. Jay
Gould is running we'll on account OF
his money, and Judas Iscariot and An.
nanias arc quite popular.
wish you would send me the pa pers.
] would like TO know what is being
said about me. suppose they'll print
"a lot OF my old letters, and publish en-.
ough pictures OF ne 20 start rogue 4
gallery, and every little two by four
preacher will tell how 10 happened "
and watee-brained spiritualists will
commune with my spirit. and all that
sort Of thing, wish the whole dod-
rotted pack Of them we're down here
awhile they wouldn't feel so alfred
gay,
Well, must close We need rain the
worst kind. Crops are almost a failure.
II you ever come down this way drop
in. Yours truly,
BOB INGERSOLL.
y S.-A soda fountain would pay
big down here.