davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
What His Lordship Desired.

Genius has always been associated with carelessness in dress and very fire 1uently ludicrous mistakes happen Lord Rosse, who built the famous tele. scope that bears his name, was an ex. pert mechanic and was also somewhat careless about his dress.
 On one occasion the earl was looking through the engine room of a large manufactory. He suddenly became in terested in something he saw and, talk Ing out his watch, stood looking from 1t to the machine with a peculiar smile on his face.
 The engineer came along. "Well, what's up?" he growled. What are you grinning at? What have you to find fault with?"
 "Oh," answered Lord Rosse, q am not finding fault 1 am calculating how long before the boiler explodes."
 Boiler exp.odes? Why, you're era zy, man! You get out of this"
 Well" said the earl, 'if you work ten minutes longer with that screw loose the boiler will certainly ex- plode."
 The engineer looked at the screw in- dicated, jumped at it and fastened 1t as soon as he could.
 "Why didn't you say that sooner?' he demanded.
 Why should I?" answered Lord Rosse. 'I never yet had an opportuni- ty of seeing boiler explode"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

churches of the south. In 1869 he or. ganized and became pastor of the Met. ropolitan Memorial Church, Washing. ton, D. C., where he formed an lnti. mate friendship with Gen. Grant, From 1869 to 1874 he was chaplain of the Senate, and in 1864 was sent on a CO ular commission to Asia by the State Department. Returning a few years later he remained in Washington a short time and then went to New York. where for three years he was pas tor of the Central Methodist Church and later of the Madison Avenue Con- gregational Church. Subsequently he preached in California and Washington and in 1888 was made a bishop of the M E. Church.
 Bishop Newman had done much liter ary work. He was powerful thinker, a forceful speaker and writer and a man who dominated the circles in which he moved.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
Unxaried Diet.

An amusing story is told of an old time soldier who loved liquor better than food, and was bound to have his diet according to his taste. It was in the days when British soldiers pro- vided themselves with rations out of their pay. To insure the proper feed ing of the men a strict inspection of the daily mess was instituted It was found that unless this was done many soldiers would go without meat in or der that they might have money to buy grog
 Donald loved whisky, and could live very we'll on oatmeal. Therefore he eschewed butchers meat. But at the daily mess it was essential that be should have meat before him.
 For a long time Donald saved his money, and yet, to all appearance. lived up to the requirements. When the officer went his round Donald had his mess before him. It was tripe. tripe, and tripe again for a change.
 Do you always eat tripeT asked the inspecting officer, becoming little sus- piciOus.
 Always, your honor," replied Don aid.
 The officer stuck fork into the dish before him.
 "Well, Donald" he remarked, ''I nev- CT before saw tripe with buttons on it."
 The meat proved to be slice from a pair of leather breeches.-Youth's Com paniOn.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
BISHOP JOHN P. NEWMAN.

Distinguished and Powerful Meth.
 odist Leader Who Recently Died.
 The Methodist church lost one of its most distinguished leaders by the death of Bishop John Phillip Newman, who died In Saratoga not long ago.
 Bishop Newman was born in New York City, Sept. 1, 1926, graduated from Cazenovia Seminary and entered the Methodist ministry in 1S49. His first pastorate was at Hamilton, N. Y.. from which place he went to Albany and subsequently, to New York. In the metropolis his work attracted national attention and he was sent at the close of the war to reorganize the Methodist
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
He Called Her.

An old colored woman, who was born In Georgetown and had never been ten miles from home in her 70 years of life, started on a journey to see her niece, who lives about 30 miles from Washington on the Virginia Midland. The conductors personally know every body who travels on the road, and chil- dren and old people are always cOnfid- ed to their care. This was the case with the old colored woman, and the conductor was requested to see that she did not leave the car at the first station reached, as she was very likely to do unless watched. He sat her down in the end seat of the car, hedged her about with her parcels and told her second stop made was at a little sta tiOn called Vienna, and just as the conductor was about to sound the start ing bell he saw the old woman tum- bling off the car.
 "Where are you going? Get back on that car" he shouted. Didn't I tell you not to get out till called youY
 Please, mister, you done called me"
 "No, didn't. Get back quick"
 "'Deed you did call me, sah," per sisted auntie as she scrambled aboard. You done call my name twice"
 Called your name? What is your name? asked the conductor.
 My name, please, sah, is Vienna, sah. Chicago Inter Ocean.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

It may be that the twentieth century will give us both flying machine and never-failing cure for seniIity-the two things for which humanity has struggled for centuries. In fact, we are already assured that some professors have solved the problem of circum- venting old age, although the discovery upon which their experiments were based was made by a country physician who has been searching for the secret of youth" for thirty years. The phy- sician has at last found the secret-not in the mysterious laboratory of the alchemist or in the cryptic writings of an Indian squaw-but in the common, everyday barnyard billy-goat, the street cleaner that eats tin cans and wire fences. The return to youth is produced by the doctor through hypo- dermic injections of the lymphatlc fluid of young goats into the body. By this process 1t is claimed that the min eral deposits which accumulate in the bones, and which bring on the senility and decay of old age, are replaced with the life cells contained in the lymphatic glands of the goats and general de. terioration of the body Is prevented and the elasticity of youth preserved The theory seems plausible enough even to the unscientific mind, for nothing would seem 10 De so admirably calculated to make a man feel frisky and frolicsome as an infusion of goat "cells." It would seem, however, that great cau- ton ought to be exercised in the use of these "cells." If man got loaded with an overdose of these goat "cells" there Is danger that he might want to butt over everything in the town. Indeed, a man whose bones were charged with three or four more goat "cells" than he needed might do great damage to life and property. There is no doubt that the goat "cells" are a good thing and should be pushed along, but their natural propensity for head-end col lisions would suggest the exercise of great caution in adapting them to the needs of those who are anxious to feel young at eighty or ninety.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
Favor and Eavour.

Now I am not going to argue about the matter, but it may interest the reader to know that the first canvass ing card which MT. Gladstone ever is- sued, when he was a young Tory can didate at Newark. was printed in this way: "Mr. Gladstone to solicit the efavor of your vote and interest"
 So those misguided creatures who say that flavor" is a modern Ameri- canism must explain how an ultra blue Oxford Tory, educated up to the eye brows, came to use that form of spell. Ing nearly 70 years ago.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

it becomes cleared of weeds and bnSD es. and being evenly fertilized runs into nutritious native grass. Practically all the goatskins entering into the com merce and manufactures of the United States are imported. With the excep tion of that portion of the population upon territory derived from Spain and Mexico, the people of this country have not usually evinced any interest ir goat-herding for profit, either of skins or other products" He shows that Angora goats have done we'll on farms in Massachusetts, Connecticut and Hi. nois. There are 5OO,O00 goats in the United States, 25S,OOO in the West In dies (where goat mutton is extensively used), 15,OO0 in England, and 4,500,0OC in Spain.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
LAW AS INTERPRETED.

In determining whether or not a per- son Is a habitual criminal under a statute making him such after two former imprisonments for felony 1t is held, in State vs. Martin (Ohio), 43 l.. k. A. 94, that imprisonment termin- ated by unconditional pardon cannot be counted.
 The serious conflict of authority on the duty of landowners to keep prem ises safe is considered in Ritz vs. Wheeling CW. Va.), 43 L. R. A. 14S, in which It is held that there Is no such duty toward trespassers even if they are children, and that negligence to create a right of action in their favor must be so gross as to amount to a wanton injury.
 But the limitation of general ticket for passage on a railroad to the day on which it is sold is held, in Louisville and Nashville Railway Company vs. Turner (Tenn.), 43 l.. R. A. 40, to be Invalid, unless there is an express con- tract to that effect, based upon a con- sideratlon, or an alternative given to the purchaser to have a full and unlim- lted ticket.
 One who gets upon a train with 8 ticket which he knows does not, upon Its face, entile him to passage, because the time for which it purports to be valid has expired, is held, in Trezona vs. Chicago Great Western Railway Company Qow0, 43 L. R. A. 136, to have no right to recover damages for being ejected, if he refuses to pay fare, although he thinks the time limitation Is unreasonable.
 | The first attempt to subject life-in- surance policies to taxation was defeat ed in State Board of Tax Commission CTS vs. Holiday Qnd.), 42 L. R. A. S26, where paid-up or non-forfeitable and partly paid-up Reinsurance policies were assessed, but the Court held that the existing statutes, though providing for the taxation of all property not expressly exempted, did not provide any special regulations for the valua- ton of this peculiar kind of property.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

Motives of humanity cannot be given too large a place in the expressed de termination of the Czar to abolish the Siberian exile system. The Trans Sibe- rian Railroad Is not being built for mil itary purposes only. The Russian Gov ernment could not afford to maintain such vast system for that purpose alone. Siberia Is a vast region which only needs to be tickled with the hoe to laugh with a harvest. Its develop ment in agriculture and mining will add almost a new world to the globe. But 1t cannot flourish so long as 1t Is a penal colony. History has proven that fact. In this new departure of the Czar the student of current affairs will discover motives of policy as we'll as of humanity.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
MAKES MAN AND BEAST MAD.
Photographer Says Red Excites Hu. man Beings as We'll as Animals.

Photographer Says Red Excites Hu.
 man Beings as We'll as Animals.
 Why does the bull so strongly object to red rag? While the professional physiologists do not, as yet, appear to have found any satisfactory explana- ton of the fact, French manufacturer of photographic materials professes to have discovered that bulls are by no means the only members of the animal kingdom who are excited by anything red. 4 large number of hands are en- ployed in the manufactory, both male and female, and most of the work has hitherto been performed in rooms to which all the light that was admitted came through panes of red glass. Hardly a day passed without some ter rifle disturbance taking place among the work people. Now it was a duel almost to the death between two of the men, now between two of the women; sometimes the melee was general. Workshop regulations were absolute ly ignored and no amount of fines or other punishments seemed to have any permanent or deterrent effect. This state of affairs was assumed, until re- gently, to be inseparable from work carried on in uncomfortable conditions. At length 1t occurred to some bright spirit that the red panes of glass might be at fault, and it was decided to try what the effect of green panes would be. The effect was instantaneous. From that day sudden peace fell upon the'whole workshop that had nev- er been known before. Pickering and lighting ended as if by enchantment, and voice of man or woman was never heard raised above a whisper.-New York Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

Little surprise was expressed at the wording in English. instead of French, of the invitations issued by the British ambassador at Paris 10 his banquet in cOmmemoration of the queens eigh- tieth birthday anniversary. Yet there was a time when such proceeding would have been tantamount to a rup- ture of diplomatic relations. In these days there is no longer any one court or diplomatic language, while the Eng fish language is steadily and swiftly moving forward toward universal usage.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

free use of her tongue she had made, was too near the verge of a fit of hys- terics to reply cOherently, so Mr. Dent calmly narrated the brief interview they had that morning.
 Harry's brow darkened as he lis- tened.
 "A rich foolp' he muttered, "and completely under her thumb. Olive, is this true?'
 She could not deny it-she dared not, with the cold light of Mir. Darts gilt tering eyes upon her.
 MT. Darts house was ''let'' the next day to a widow and the two best apart ments are occupied by the uncle and nephew, who keep bachelors hall' in fine style.
 And believe" the widow says, In reference to her two favorite boarders, "that the old gentleman really means to live and die bachelor; but as for MT. Harry-as long as there's youth there's hope"
 But Olive Melton's chances are gone. New York Daily News.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

In a summary appended to recent meteorological chart of the great lakes United States weather bureau) Mir. Henry states that these bodies of water do not have a marked influence on the precipitation of rain over the adjacent land areas. There are eight inches more rainfall on the south shore of Lake Superior than on the north shore, and three inches more in the cases of Erie and Ontario. There is also greater precipitation on the eastern shores of Lakes Huron and Michigan than on the western.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
Safe Depths for Overs.

The greatest diving feat ever achiev- ad, it is said, was in moving the cargo )f the ship Cape Horn, wrecked off the coast of South America, when a diver named Hooper made seven descents to l depth of over POO feet, remaining at )ne time forty-two minutes under the Fater. An authority states that the ireatest depth to which a man has been known to descend does not eX-
 eed 220 feet-which is equivalent to a
 pressure of eighty-eight and one-half pounds to the square inch.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
Siamese Magic.

Siamese magicians profess to be able to destroy your enemy for you They first bewitch part of buffalo till it be- comes as small as a pea When your enemy has been induced to swallow it they make it return to its original size. and after suffering great agonies he suffocates Pigs flesh and fish are also used When these people die. the req son can be detected. because at their cremation some part of their body rs-' fuses to burn. and when it is cut open it contains fish or meat of some animal A small boy died recently and was ere mated A certain part of the child's chest refused to burn, and they got it examined and found it to be piece oe salt porkl
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

The increase in postoffice receipts will this year be sensationally large, according to the present estimates of the department in Washington. In some branches of the service receipts are 25 per cent greater than they were a year ago. In the last fifteen years the postoffice business of the country has doubled in volume. This indicates not only our direct growth in popula- ton, but the increase in the number and size of our newspapers and other publications, as well as a great growth in the habit of letter writing.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
66o HIS house to lei" 7"

It looked very big and m
 posing, this notice, and MT. Dart stepped complacently backward to eye the general effect of it after he had wafered the document safely on the side of the front door.
 ''If people can't read that they must be blind! Now I'll go in and wait for some one to bite at the bait No bother of real estate agents for memo com mission to eat up half the rent. I'll transact my own business or else I'll go into an idiot asylump'
 As he sat in the pretty reception-room belonging to the house which he had the good or bad fortune to own, he looked not unlike big humble bee in the heart of some huge tropic flower.
 'It's trouble, trouble, and nothing but
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
svmptoms of Oyerexertion

An eminent German physician de ;lares that as long as bicyclist, after n long tour, has good appetite, does not feel desire to go to sleep at once, and is not annoyed by heavy dreams on the night following, he may consider that he has not made too great a de mand on his physical resources.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

Since the success of his son as a pugl- list the elder Jeffries is reported to be in great demand as preacher. And it is understood that the elder Jeffries is making no efforts to disturb the inflow of gate receipts. In addition to its brawn and its piety the Jeffries family seems to be possessed of considerable thrift
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
FOiied.

q cannot reach his heart" she ex. claimed, passionately.
 Further, the senorita wept.
 'This is what comes," she exclaimed some more, ''of allowing myself to be cajoled into buying a stiletto at a bar. gain sale for 19 cents" s."-Indianapolis Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

That story of the New York woman killing her husband because he snored too loud awakens the suspicion that the real cause of Othello's dreadful deed with the pillows may never have been brought to light.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

In an article in the Year Book of the Department of Agriculture Mir. Barnes, of the Division of Statistics, advocates the keeping of goats in many parts of the States. He states that whenever foul land is regularly pastured by goats
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

That professor who wants to change the name of the United States of North America to UsOna may as well give it up. Usona doesn't rhyme with enough other words to make the proposition go.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

A woman writer asserts that pretty hat can be made for sixty cents and a neat dress for $3. It is also true that man can live on mush and molasses ab- sorbed regularly thrice a day.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
Rmn 0OWn-

Passing Pete-Stringey's a-goin' to Californy for his health.
 Tatters Tired-Whut's trubble?
 Passing Pete-De handouts in dis section hasn't agreed wid his digesti. Philadelphia North American.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

When a man Is sued for breach of promise and his love leters are pro- duced as evidence he can nearly al- ways get off on the plea of temporary insanity.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

If Bishop Potter has never been in theater, as he says, he has never seen Uncle Toms Cabin" or "Pinafore." And yet he thinks that he has lived.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

The kissing bug appears to be a com bination of a mosquito, copperhead snake and an epidemic.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

Modelling her in gold may please one girl. but just think of the number that might be made happy if all that mate rial was worked up into wedding rings.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

"As soon as the ink trust is ready for business" remarked the professor, Tt will proceed, suppose, to make the foulest blot on the page of history"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

The minister who declared in the pull pit that stiff collars and religion do not go together landed rather heavily on the neck of his congregation.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

Planks in political platforms are gen erslly measured with a view to their adaptability to the official posts.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

Inventor Edison was unable to invent a way to keep his son from marrying a girl that the family didn't like.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

The Sfax was one of the sfactors in restoring Dreyfus to the liberty or which he was deprived by sfalsehood and sforgery.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

In putting his foot down on Porto Rico Uncle Sam seems to have exposed his leg. Hayti wants to pull 1t for a loan.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

Whether or not girl bathers use cloth gloves at the shore, undressed kid Is common fashion at the local swimming holes.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

If Uncle Sam's new explosive, tho rite, is all that 1t is claimed to be, he has no further use for disarmament conference
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

A man may call his wife dear and the statement may bear two construc- fionR
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

They say it takes a smart man to be a rogue, but only fools try to get along that way.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

A man never makes a guess at his sisters ages that he doesn't cause . family row.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

Every woman thinks her doctor Is the best until she catches him making a fuss over some other woman's baby.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
EVERY SATURDAY

Washington city Is opposed to insec- tivorous osculation.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16
China a Heavy Borrower.

According to the London Statist, the Chinese government has borrowed iu Europe since 1894 $27S, ,775, ,Onn
The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-16

ln the chief square of Belgrade, Ser via, innumerable little frogs hop about as unconcernedly as if they were far away in the country. How they came there and how they survive, no one seems to know.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1899-05-26

An exchange put it thus; There are
exchanges re 1eiyed at this ofioc which
are better papers than their patronage
ius'ifes. There is jou 'naIistic pride
among publisher to appear to the best
advantage and very often they swamp
themselves, financially to sustain it Il
is just as reasonable to expect merchant
to give five quarters for yard as to
expect a publishers to issue five column
quarto when a fve-column folio is the
true measure of the patronage received.
We know of ne class of men who give
more for the amount of compensation
received than the publisher of the coun.
Try newspapers "
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1899-05-26
A Thousand Tongues.

Could not express the rapture 0
Annie Z Springer, of 1I25 Howard st
Philadelphia. Pa when she found thai
Dir Kings New Discovery for Cansump-
lion had completely cured her of hack
ing cough that for many years bad
made life burden. ALI other remedies
and doctors coul give her no help, but
-he says Of this Royal 0ure-''it soon
removed the pain in my chest and I can
now sleepy solndly something | can
scarcely remember doing before | feel
ike sounding its praise throughout the
Universe So will every one who
tries DR. Kings New Discovery for any
trouble of the Throat, Chest or Lungs.
Price SOC and Sl00 Trial bottles
free at La Plata Drug Store; every bot
tie guaranteed.