Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-02-26
AWFUL HEADACHES.
she WAS ENTIRELY RESPONSIBLE
Ne Ate Lemon Pie and Cabbage, ana
She Failed 10 Warn Him OF the
p...~r-wLen M the Trfvisffties
Of Lif~ Hsrs..ed Him Greatly.


u out. and not 30 20 ths expenze o. eoIn-
6,--7-1ySz ---rs7'T In fre mater of new
carpets or spring millinery. know.
hsvs specimen at my house. and I've
stu6Ie8 Der Ike a tacterologist STUDIES
germs. but, although I've learnt part
Of my lesson. I have yet TO hno an anu
cote for that awful mIcrobe known sS
fer.lnin. peryefsity. The Commsneer-in-
f,blef recently had the pleasure Of causing
me 10 suffer sic<-hsscscDs, ana TO TINS
minute / haven't quite gotten over HS
effects n happened n this wise: we nad
lemon pie for dinner. aud The fei-ss-
sertivs woman took u into her bean thal
the saffron -coiore1 delight would dlS-
agree with me- She reasoned mat me
conditions EXISTING in Os' mlosi-of'
rather. IN NJ miest-wefe such mat caD-
bage and pie wouldn't harmonic "hfn
btoDgbi into juxiapOsitlon. 8nd therefore
an. warned me a. Iet the pie go. NOW,
sIxotx sas great fn8n for sweet tninsS'
aud when - comes 20 dessert III take any
,t,ks determined that was going 10
eat that pie IN spite of creation ie'N
.v.n though n necossltafed special levy
among ny friends and relatives Tor hofai
designs
The commonderIn- Ctief determined
,houldnt cat a. ahe predicted that
would mean o sirE-headache that night
and unlimited trouble aud worry Tor hef-
self "rd 4 th0urand times rainef De ih
myself than have you SICK enc sa'n'
"for ~ all narrowing misfortunos that
can befau 20 o. sick man - the WORST
ia far rather nurse 70 royal Bengal tiger
with toothache"
This alone, without further argument
settled ny mind IN favor Of the PIE
determined thst wouldn't be- buldozeo
and bamboozled ~ that fashion and
moreover ! sfoatly maintained that u my
wife was sincere in her belief concerning
the strained relations existing between
pie ana cabbage she should have spoken
before took the cabbnRe. when u comes
10 u maftsr ~ choice any man VIII waive
cabbage in asor ~ pie Well 10 mako
long and painful story short the com
mander-m-Cniof was correct IN her ma
noious prcdictlons ! had the SICK hohd-
nohc when that woman sets her nlnd
on "a thing lfe bound 10 happen II fhe
had determine that The pie should nave
given noe tno iaundilo it would nave
been the same thing. ny compioAioh
would have gotten the color OF "a canary
birds I'm ten minutes after sire wiiIed lt
Yes. 81 was brutal in her, but SIZE salhen
her point
n you've ever had sick headache IT
will boz unnecessary for me 90 go into
Botais About supper time sou crhWl
home with % feeling of melancholy when
makes veriahlo mountains out Of Mes
most trlning m0iebile You worry ana
net about everything that has ever hap
pened if happening. or VIII happen. You
rechu the fact that you saw your ONCE
boy nut the stamps upside down on your
letters and this initiates and foads you
on 10 madness. You curse thai boy uhtil
you gasp. and after you have conslen'd
him 10 pCrditon you think ~ something
elso which a. -qunlly irritating You
wonder how you're going 90 ger through
your next days work. how you'h he able
Ia iced your wife ana children in me
future. What youll DO n that si.hi drait
comes iu on y.u-in short you develop
into a fretfm porcupne that prlchs him
soil with hll own quilts An0 nll the
time YOU have tho consciousness mat your
wife b. enlroly responsible Cor 80 oh. You
reason this way She know thar pie was
going 60 make me sick ADD Vet She sat
etiu and lot me eat a. she didn't $50 much
o. lift her voice in friendly advice, where
as ono kind word from her would nave
prevented an this misery
After you've eat around Tor some llh'
with that awful. indoscrlhahly ''stuny' feel
.l
,ou conclude You won't take a. smoke and
finally you decide that you viii. This
settles b. n there was any doubt about
your headache before. 70 is ali settled
now. The pipe win DO the business. You
assert that you're going Go retire. that
business Us Worrying you ana that a man
with q family never sees he ends OF hts
troubles
"lrs that pie" says your wife. with
THAI NinictiNe. triumphant air which only
women can assum. She gioats over every
word she utters joy d. ia her tones; glad
ness o. ln Aer heart, happiness beams on
her counicunnce. and halo OF beatitude
eaclloioa her You hate the woman; de-
fpise her, sc0rn her; loath her. detest
her. ahhor her ana spurn her very pres
sncc. lake "a hon driven 10 it's lair, you
sneak Oh TO your room As you undress
yolr rage against the office boy returns
the fear of the future haunts you, and
the thought OF the sight-draft drives you
4 mndrcss. And In the intervals be-
tween these rapidly shifting thoughts
which gaiiop oven your brain with red-hol
boots 10 blfhcd steel, you note the pres
snce Of that lemon pie
As YOU undross you are conscious Of d
feeling OF renewed bitterness towards your
wife You note that she has not accom-
panied yoa To your room, and that she
sits In another apartment friuerlne ava,
her time by darning socks or mendins
your shirts. whereas you are suncrns
All the fortunes OF the damned. No,
wonder 81 she has forgotten her marriag,
vows, and then your mind travels bacl
g. your wedding-daN. and you tume an,
fret because you recall the fact that you
craVat didn't sit right ON that occasion
oncc an bed. YOU hope Tor relief, but Ia
pie Is sin with you. and 50 is the cab
base though they remain at dagger
drawn. As YOU bury your skull IN IN
pillow a huge glohule OF something a
heavy as quicksilver smites the inuc
wall Of your forehead. and then
whaeks the base OF your brain. Afle
that your thinking apparatus zoe
thumpety- thump. and whack-whack with
out cessation. one whack brings bacl
the history 81 all your earthly misfor
tunes You think faster than buzz
saw revolves. and each thought torture
you far worse than the teeth ~ the buzz
saw possibly could. Then YOU happe
10 think about telephones, and all II
sudden you can her them ringing, an
each Naturalization Is like the prize
OF a tiery needle. by and by, YOU reNer
20 the ofnce-eoy. This time he is al N
typewriter. picking AZ the keys with IN
slow, maddening deliberauon OF novice
You knoW Ia Is looking for the W, an