Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1899-03-23
The New Jerusalem.

These links always remind me oil
the New Jerusalem" said Cutlist
Pinkerton, as, after carefully testing
the possibilities of brassey
in relation to his half-imbedded "Sll-
yertown," he replaced that wooden i'm
plement in his bag, and drew out the
heaviest iron he possessed.
And why of the New Jerusalem p
inquired Minnie Arson, his partner
in the foursome.
Because there is nothing here that
maketh a lie," answered Pinkerton,
gravely. This is the fourth time run
ming that | have had to play from the
bottom of a cavity"
Minnie laughed.
you use your bible knowledge for
practical illustration" she observed.
Just so, Miss Arson. The clergy
man preached from a text last Sun
day which impressed me a great deal.
| was thinking of our foursome the
day before, and l could not help feel
ing how much-from golf standpoint
I resembled st. Paul
I'm what way?"
Why, the evil that | would not
slicing, pressing, topping, etc.-that |
do, and the good l would do-clean
swing, hands we'll away, straight put
ting, etc.-that I do not. The psalms
for the day, also, contained a very
appropriate verse: They went astray
in the wilderness, out of the way
need not tell you that my thoughts at
once reverted to our awful experience
in the gravel pits the day before"
Really Mr.. Pinkerton, you are in
corrigibble."
People know me, and they make al
iowances, said Cutlish Pinkerton,
alphabetically.
People did know Cutlish Pinkerton
comic lion of the London stage is in
evitably the best-known man in the
country, not even excepting Mr.. Glad
stone or Mr.. Grace. For more than a
year past the public, of all classes,
had been flocking to see him in Tick
lebery Takemorf," at the Garrulity,
and their tears, induced by laughter
at his screaming impersonation,
would, taken together, have filed a
good-sized reservoir. Even the stall
led oxen (as Pinkerton used to deSig-
nate the sleek and prosperous Philis-
tines who sat in the half-guinea seats)
forgetful of their dignity, laughed till
their WaistcOats shook and their very
dinners were digested, thus saving the
price of their entertainment in camo-
mile and podOphyllin. Cutlish Pink
erton always declared this to be the
one real test of farcical success,
When we start a new piece" he used
to say, and | want to judge whether
it is likely to catch on, | always fix my
eye on the sleeekest Philistine in the
stalls If he grins, | am satisfied; if
he chuckles, / am elated; but if he
laughs that digestive laugh, I sim
ply dunno where | are. But there's
one thing | do know, and that is ,nat
we are in for safe run of 800 nights.
Cutlish Pinkerton was still young;
that is to say, he was on the vernal
side of forty. He was a cultivator OF
the tender passions, which were ever
and anon assailing his susceptible, il
rather tickle, heart. And if the truth
must be told, this golf foursome, in
which he was now making one on the
Bigham links, had been arranged by
him quite as much to facilitate flirt
alton as from any innate affection fol
the game itself Minnie Ansons sis
ter, Dora, and young Charles Treu
gold, fellow comedian of Pinkertoni
company, formed the other pair
They also were fiirtitiously incline
and so were too much taken up will
each other to be in the way of Pink
erton and Minnie.
Now, it is a sad thing to say-bu
so it was-that Minnie and Dora An
son had behaved in this matter Xix
very naughty girls, indeed. The
had allowed Pinkerton and Tredgol
to drift into an acquaintance wit
them upon the Bigham links, withou
any proper introduction and-wha
was still worse-without their moth
ers' knowledge or consent. Mrs. An
son was very strict and severe lady
having rigidly old-fashioned notion
on the subject of propriety. She ais
cherished puritanical horror of a
things and persons theatrical Che
father had been the lowest churc
dean of his generation), and not onl
would she never enter playhouse, {
she valued her immortal soul, but ST
would as soon have been introduce
to the devil himself as to play acto
This was why Minnie and Dora kel
so absolutely silent on the subject
Pinkerton and Tradgold, and this W;
why, when they had privately a
ranged a foursome with those gentl
men on the Gigham links, they pr
tended to their mother that tn,
were simply going to play a tw
some between themselves in the ord
nary way.
Mrs. Arson was not enthusiast