Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-10-12
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He--If she is girl Of ideas, as you
say. why does she conceal them? She
She wants to get married.-Life.
Maud-Do you like to have men dat
ter you? Ethel-Oh. ! don't mind. II
they happen to be photographers Ba-
Ear.
Good man-Do you know where little
boys go that smoke cigarettes? Bad
boy-Yep! Dey goes out in de wood
shed.
Landlady-Isp't this good chicken?
Boarder-It may have been good
chicken morally. but physically 1t was
a wreck.-Judge.
II suppose you have become pretty
thoroughly familiar with golf by this
time" Familiar with 1t? Why. sir,
think In golf.-Chicago Tribune.
A Literary Pursuit.-Hoxey-That
young chap in the golf suit writes for
q living The Lady-For the maya
zinesl Hoxey-No; mostly to his faith
er.-Life.
Browne-Waiter, bring me dozen
oysters on the half-shell. Waiter--Sor-
ry, sab. but we's all out Of snell-hsn,
sab. 'ceptin' aigs.-Rochester Union
and Advertiser.
II wish to see some of the curreEt
magazines, please" Current maya
zines? Certainly. John. show this
lady, the Electric Spark and the
Storage Battery."-Ex.
Long before l met you ! had heard
of your family said the count. Yes
replied the beautiful girl. coldly: II
believe papa is quoted in Bradstreet's.'
Chicago Evening Post.
"Clementine, what did you do with
that curtain goods you bought last
week" well. it was entirely too gay
and loud for curtains. so made shirt
waist of it."-Chicago Record.
"Yes," said the excited man. "he
tried to act the hog and treat me like
dog. but soon showed him he was
playing horse with the wrong man
when he monkeyed with mev'-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Don't touch me-" said the chrysan-
themum, as it leaned away from the
rose. II would be foolish TO attempt
it," replied the rose; Its well-known
fact that you haven't got SCENT
Chicago News.
Blew Himself on: Bentley-How
did Larkins meet his death? When we
left him last night he seemed unusually
Jolly Vosburgh-He tried to blow out
the electric light in his room and burst
a blood vessel.-Harlem Life.
Aeronaut-I'm going to Philadelphia
next week to give n balloon ascension
and want some handbills printed. New
York Printer-Yes, sir; how would this
do?-"Professor Parryshoot will rise
from the dead at 4:30 sharp."--Puck.
'T'll tell you," said Sammy Snaggs,
that man talked straight from the
shoulder" Samuel" said Mr.. Snaggs.
severely. you should not use slang
But. father, this was deaf and dumb
man. and he used the sign language"
Tell Mr.. Cuthbert I'm out" II haf
alreaty told him madame is in" Then
say when you came upstairs you found
me out" "But. madame. he alreaty
says he has found you out. and Eat Is
Wy he must see madame. "-Pick-Me-
Up.
Mrs. La Salle-You said Mrs. Wa
bash got her furniture on the install
ment plan. didn't youf Mrs. Dearborn
Yes: she's had four husbands, and
got q little with each one.-Yonkers
Statesman.
Mrs. Unsofist-They say that the
Minneapolis can steam twenty-four
knots an hour. Mr.. Unsofist-That's
what she can do. Mrs. Unsofist-I sup
pose they steam them so that the poor
sailors can unite them more easily
Brooklyn Life.
Weaving a spell: He-I am rather in
favor of the English than the Ameri.
can mode of spelling. She--ies?
He--Yes. indeed. Take 'parlour.' for
Instance: having u in it makes all the
difference in the world.-Boston Chris
tan Register.
mir. White" said lawyer to wit
ness in the box. lat the time these
papers were executed you were specu-
lating. were you notT' "Yes. SIR
you were in oil?" II was "And
what are you in nowY" Bankruptcy
was the solemn reply.-Tit-B Bits.
Guest attempting to carve)-What
kind of chicken is this, anyhow?
Waiter-Dat's genuine Plymouth
Rock. sab. Guest Throwing up both.
hands)-That explains it. l knew she
was an old-timer, but had no idea
she dated back TO the Mayfiower.
MIR. Wbolesale-Your former employ
er tells me you were the quickest book
keeper in the place. Applicant tdubi-
ously)-He does? Mr.. Wholesale-Yes
lie says you could chuck the books in
he safe. lock up and get ready to yo'
home in just one minute and ten sec
onds.-Puck.
'Goouness! Well miss the opera"
she said. lmpa,iently; we've been
waiting a good many minutes for that
mother of mine" Hours, should
say" he replied. somewhat acrimoni-
ously. "'Ours? cried she. rapturously:
"oh. George. this is 50 sudden" Then
she fel, upon his neck.-Standard
Times.
Widow Jackson-W'y. II was like dIs
way, larson. My husband went up on
de hill top &c pray for rain end got
struck by lightning. Parson Johnson
But ~ mustn't lose faith in prayer.
sister. Widow Jackson lcomplacenily,
oh. no. parson! Dat proves de Lord