davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
DR.. Kmers SWAMP-ROOT is the Great Remedy for
all Kidney, Bladder and Uric Acid Troubles.
Arrangement Every Paper
The Wonderful DISCOVERY
Bottle Absolutely Mail.

You are in no danger of being sick if
you keep your kidneys we'll
They filter your blood, keep it pure
and free from disease breeding germs.
Your other organs may need care, but
your kidneys most, because they do
most.
If you are sick, begin with your kid
neys, because as soon as they are we'll
they will help all the other organs to
health
The treatment of some diseases may
be delayed without danger, not so with
kidney disease.
Swamp-Root is the great medical tri-
umph of the nineteenth century. dis
covered after years of untiring effort
and research by the eminent kidney
and bladder specialist, DR. Kilmer, and
has truly wonderful healing action on
the kidneys and bladder.
1t will be found by both men and
women just what is needed in all eases
of kidney and bladder disorders, lame
back, duh pain or ache in the back.
gravel, catarrh of the bladder, rheuma-
tism, sciatica, neuralgia, uric acid trou-
bles and Bright's Disease, which is the
worst form of neglected kidney trouble
SWamp-ROot cOrrectS ability to hold
water and promptly overcomes that I'M
pleasant necessity of being compelled
to go often during the day and to get
up many times during the night.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
SUCH is FAME.
A Small Schoolgirl Gets the Hero of
Manila Into a Bad
Mix Up.

One Of the most popular OF the young pro-
fessors in the male high school tells an
amusing little story on a small, up-to-date
schoolgirl She went to one of these dis
tr1ct schools over which cousin of the
professor presides. 1t is usual TO have Wis
itors at the building now and then, who
ask the scholars questions and see that
everything is in good shape, One day not
so long since a party of callers came in and
requested the pupils to write the answers to
several questions propounded them. One of
these questions was: Tell what you know
about Admiral Dewey's great fight"
The children set to work figuring on their
answers, but the teacher noticed one OF the
girls did not make a move to do So
why don't you write your answer to the
question:" she demanded Of the idle pupil.
Taint no use, was the slow response.
81 don't know nothing about it.
But demonstrated the teacher, you
must try, anyhow; you must not sit there
idle while the others are doing the best
they can. See if YOU cannot think of some
thing, my dear"
No use" protested the pupil. "All know
is that Dewey and Corbett fought, and
don't know which whipped, and don't care
either"
Such is fame, and the bold sailor who
sunk MoDtoio's feet must 90 promenading
down the halls of time with pompadoured
ex-slugger for a partner.-Louisville Times.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

Hon. Thomas c. Fletcher, the noted
war Governor of the State of Missouri,
is great friend of Pe-ru-na. He writes:
The Pe-ru-na Drug Mfg Co., Columbus,
Ohio:
CONDEMNATION years | have been
afflicted with chronic catarrh, which
has gone through my whole system, and
no one knows the torture and misery |
have passed through. My doctor has
prescribed various remedies, and Ihave
never found any relief until was per-
suaded by friend to use DR.. Hartman's
Pe-ru-na After the use of one bottle l
feel like a new man. 1t also cured me
of a dropping l had in my throat, and
built my system up generally. To those
who are suffering with catarrh | take
pleasure in recommending your great
medicine. Very respectfully,
Thomas c. Fletcher.
Everything that affects the welfare Of
the people is a legitimate subject of
comment to the real statesman. The
statesman is not a narrow man. 1t is
the politician who is narrow. The true
statesman looks out on the world as it
is. and seeks. as far as is in his power, to
remedy evils and encourage the good.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
USELESS STRATAGEM.
Upon Some Fearless stage
Robbers.

Yep, tn road agents used t be purity
reckless wen | wuz drvin' stage way back
in tn 70's, remarked Tank Wilson, remi-
niscently, IAN all kinds of schemes was put
up { throw them off'n the scent.
Time was changed on all the stage
routes, an dummy mail bags an express
boxes were carried, but 'twan no use
"Ih' wust case of hold-up | ever expert
ences wuz durin' tn smallpox scare We
wuz tull OF passengers, inside an out, an
every one them carried a belt 4 gold dust.
We had heerd that new indevidooal had
taken to tn road, an thartore makes our
precautions.
a stage it amt no use to fight, cause only
one shows hisself an all tn rest ambushes
an gifts tn drop on you. Then they comes
torrard an takes your wealth.
so we gets up scheme. We knows
road agents IS purity much askeered +
smallpox, so we takes along an ole tramp,
wraps him up in bandages an hangs out
yaller flag from tn roof f the stage.
jest as we wuz pullin' out t a canyon we
hears famlyar hail, an, of course, pulls
up.
:" Watts that yeller flag for?' asks Teller,
with his Winchester at his cheek, powerful
big teller with a mask on.
" Passengers got tn smallpox | an
swers, in a warnin' tone
Wal, all you passengers git out an hoP
your hans up!' was the answer Throw
down them mail bags, an that there express
box
Them villins took ev'ry bit + dust that
wuz carried on the stage, an then tn head
villin thought Il moment to hisself an then
pulls tn band 'ges off n tn tramp. Then he
grins, an says somethin' t one f his pard-
ners, who pulls small box out his pocket
"Th head vilin then ranges his men
where they could shoot US down et we
box an then jabs it half inch inter tn
tramp's arm. lie does tn same t each an
ev'ry one + US an then sez:
Now, there's no danger, genlmen.
You're all vaccynated. As fer Inc an my
fren's, we amt askeered f no smallpox. IF
we wuz t remove these yere masks you
would see we is all pocllmarked, '-Cincin-
natl ENQUIRER.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

They came into a Fourteenth street
car somewhere near S street, one re-
cent bitterly cold evening, he and she,
theaterbound He was six foot a
man." and you might have arrived at
tolerably accurate estimate of his
weight by allowing, say, IS pounds to
the foot He was wrapped in a fur
lined ulster. Wide fur cuffs hid his
heavy gloves, and a great fur collar
covered his ears. Now and then he
remarked on the intense cold and shiv-
cred She was as blonde as the Morse
Freja and fragile as a morning glory.
She was all a-shimmer of soft silk,
Her small feet were shod in the thin
nest of shoes. On her curly head she
wore a creation of lace and spangles
and pumes that left her head bare.
About her shoulders was a fur collar,
which exposed her thin silk sleeves
from shoulder to wrist. 1t was her
only wrap, but she wasn't cold. She
said so and she looked so, She hadn't
even blue nose to disproye her as
sertion. He was half frozen. She was
as warm as toast.-Washingto Post.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

If your water when allowed TO remain
undisturbed in a glass or bottle for
twenty-four hours. forms a sediment or
settling or has cloudy appearance il
is evidence that your kidneys and blad-
der need immediate attention.
The way to he well is TO look after
your kidneys To take DR. Kilmer's
Swamp-Root when you are suffering
from clogged kidneys.
This prompt, mild and wonderful
remedy is easy TO get at the drug stores
in tifty-cent and one-dOllar bottles.
Make a note of the name, SWAMP
ROOT, DIR. Kilner's Swamp-Root, and
remember it is prepared only by DIR.
kilmer & Co, Binghamton, n. y.
Swamp-Root has been tested in so
many ways, in hospital work, in private
practice, among he helpless too poor to
purchase relief, and has proved so sue
cessful in every case that a special ar
rangement has been made by which all
readers of this paper who have not al
ready tried it, may have a sample bottle
sent absolutely free by mail. Also a
book telling more about Swamp Root
and containing some of the thousands
upon thousands OF testimonial letters
received from men and women who owe
their good health, in fact their very
lives, to the wonderful curative proper
ties of swamp Root BE sure and men
tion this paper when sending your adj
dress to DIR. Kilmer & Co., Bingham
ton, n. Y.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
HE DID NOT HAVE IT,
How n Joshing Judge sailed Down
Delightfully."- Fresh
Young Man.

William Lightfoot Nisscher tells this char
acterstic story OF Hon Isaac Parker, famous
as the terrible Judge at Fort Smith, Ark,
who probably sentenced more men to be ex-
ecuted than any other judge that ever lived.
This was not, however, because he was so
unrelentingly severe, but because he had
the hardest and most numerous lot OF Grim
inals to deal with that ever came within the
jurisdiction of such an official. One day
when there was an unusually large batch Of
cuprits to be sentenced, the judge looked
compasisonately over his spectacles at one
Young scamp, and SAID.
In consideration Of the youth and in
experience of this prisoner | shall let him off
with a fine of $50
Before the Judge had done speaking the
very fresh young man coo!ly stretched his
right leg and ran his hand into his trousers
pocket on one side, remarking nonchalantly
as he did SO:
That's all hunky, judge; I've got that
much right here in my jeans
And one year in the penitentiary, con
Guided the Judge. Then looking over at the
convict in a quizzical sort OF way, he added !:
"Do you happen to have that in your jeans
w oman 5 Home Companion.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
FOR PODuNK,s HOTEL.
Some Valuable Points About Putting
Tn "A Cheap hut Attractive
Menu.

He winked Familiarity at the landlord as
he paid his bill and in a confidential tone
remarked:
II don't mind telling you that am think
ing OF going into the hotel business myself
for a change. Yes, sir, that's SOL I've
bought the biggest place for sale IN Podunk,
and mebbe you wouldn mind telling me
few things about keeping hotel seem
you're right in the business There's the
menu, now; some little points on that might
work. We don't know everything down IN
Podunk"
The landlord rubbed the bald spot on his
brow and thought moment.
There's chicken croquettes," he said;
chicken comes high this time of year
Il see.
Not one in a thousand can tell the diff
ference between veal and chicken
"Geewhllikens There's a pointer to
start with.
Fried chicken costs money. Fried rabbit
tastes like it, and the difference goes into
your pocket"
"Goly, I'm gettin rich already
Quail on toast reads fine on the menu.
You don't suppose we folks in the city pam
per our guests on real quail! Baby owls
taste so much like quail you can't tell one
from t'other. And out your way owls must
be thick as pumpkins. Then there's beef
OF course you've heard of the hippophagous
theory?"
II h-e-the what"
Click! click! Yes, old racers. You can
buy them by the bunch of hundred for a
song"
The man from Podunk turned pale. 81
guess I've got all the points can remember
at once, and if you ever come our way give
me a call. Good day Fried rabbit? Owls
on toasti H-i-pp-op. / reckon III call the
line there. Great business, this otelkeep-
ing, anyhow. Chicago imes-Herald.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
WISCONSIN STATE NEWS,


An alleged Chicago detective has been
working joke in the logging camps
around Marinette. He disguised him
sell as woman and delivered lectures
on Love, Courtship and Marriage"
He took up collection after each
lecture and the gallant woodsmen made
it a generous one. His disguise was dis
covered in one of the Fence River Log
ging company's camps and he was
drummed out As an excuse he said he
was one of Pinkerton's men and that
he was looking for criminal supposed
to be somewhere in the northern
woods
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

den to myself. Was troubled with
smothering spells, also palpitation of
the heart and that bearing-down feel
ing, and could not be on my feet much.
Il was growing worse all the time,
until took your medicine.
after taking three boxes of Lydia
f. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
Lozenges, the tumor passed from me.
my health has been better ever
since, can now walk quite distance
and am troubled no more with palpita-
ton of the heart or bloating. | rec
ommend your medicine to all sufferers
from female troubles.
II is hardly reasonable to suppose
that any one can doubt the efficiency
of Mrs. Pinkham's methods and medi-
cine in the face of the tremendous vol
ume of testimony.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

Heat one quart of milk in double
boiler, and stew half can Of tomatoes
till they are soft enough TO strain east
". Out of one-third of a cup of butter,
take one tablespoonful and cook it with
tablespoonful of cornstarch. by let.
ting the butter melt first where it will
not scorch. Add 10 this little of the
hot milk, stirring to keep it smooth.
Then add to the remainder of the boil
ing milk. and cook for ten minutes.
Cut the rest of The butter into small
pieces, stir into the milk till well
mixed, then add salt, pepper and the
strained tomatoes. Half saltspoonfui
Of soda viii correct too much acidity
in the tomatoes, if added before strain
ing-Housewife.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
PURELY PERSONAL

William A. Clark, the new senator
from Montana, was once clockmaker
Rev. NJ. j. Buckley and Rev. p. j.
Buckley. twin brothers of Newbury-
port, Mass, were ordained to a priest
hood at Brighton the other day. They
were educated at the same parochial
school, college and seminary.
At the time of his death ex-Attorney
General Garland had among his clients
q large number of Cherokee Indians
who are claiming citizenship. Herbert
Mayes, his former law partner, will now
represent their interests.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
Factions in a Fight.

At dance at Diamond Bluff two fac
tions that hate each other engaged in
a fight and when the trouble ended a
horrible scene was presented. Lying
unconscious in pools of blood were
nearly a dozen men. One man had one
arm literally carved to pieces; another
had several ugly cuts in the scalp; an
other had his face struck with clubs
until it looked like mass of jelly. 9th
ers escaped with broken limbs and
minor cuts and bruises.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
Glacier victims.

Halver and Ole Evien, father and son,
who were lost on the Valdez glacier,
Alaska, last month, are well known in
Eau Claire Ole was frozen to death
and Halver, the father, managed TO
reach Twelve Mile camp Halver for
merry worked for the Daniel Shaw
Lumber company. He also worked at
Cedar Falls and had a farm near Bald
win. His wife and another son now
live on the farm. \ daughter, Mrs.
Shamfor, lives in Eau Claire.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
The Modern Woodmen.

The Wisconsin division, Modern
Woodmen of America, held its biennial
convention in Oshkosh and the follow
ing officers were elected for the next
two years: Venerable consul, j. NJ
Bushnell; worthy adviser, j. IL. Har-
beck; clerk, g. j. Dodge; escort, +. b.
Wernick; banker. \. b. Chandler;
guard, Il. p. Fairbairn; chaplain, j. v.
BENNETT
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

Appleton girls have decided to or
ganize TO express their resentment Of
the Sights cast upon them by the or
ganization of the bachelors club known
as the Marble Hearts, whose members
are banded together to avoid the dan
gers of matrimony. The society girls
who are TO be in the proposed club say
that they will take pledges not to mar
ry any Appleton men.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

The double funeral of Mr.. and Mrs.
Michael O'Regan, 5O-year residents of
Ottawa township, took place from st.
Boniface church, and their remains
were buried in one grave. After 60
years of welded life they expired the
same day, within four hours of each
other, aged IS and rs years.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
A Harmless stimnInnt.

Warwick read that French physician
has been conducting some very elaborate
Investigations to discover the most health
full form of amusement or diversion.
Wickwire-Ah, and what did he finally
conclude was the most conducive to longev-
ity?
"Dueling. Judge
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
TUM0R EXPELLED.
Unqualified Success of Lydia q.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.

Mrs. ELIZABETH WHEELocK. Magno-
liza, Iowa, In the following letter de-
seribes her recovery from a very criti-
cal condition:
" DEAR MIS-. PISKHAM:-I have been
taking your Vegetable Compound, and
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

Askington- What makes you speak
of old Slicksmith as war artist?
Teller Why, he is smooth enough to
draw large pension for no apparent
disability. -Puck.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

Doesn't it sometimes make you gloomy
to hear the wind bowling about on a wild
night?"
look. Il rather like to hear it. The wind
doesn't come up and ring your door bell and
ask how about that bill, or tell you You'll
get arrested if you don't tag your dog. 1t
doesn't sing L Won't Go Home Till Morn
ing away off the key and disgrace the
neighborhood. 1t bowls because it enjoys
it, But it never says anything to hurt any
body's feelings. | sometimes honestly wish
that there was more wind in this life and
less people. Washington Post
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
what Caused the Fracture.

Hanson-Dfd you hear about Stewart? He
is suffering from broken jaw.
Billbury-That's what football comes to.
But it wasn't football. 1t was golf. A
tangle with the dialect, You know. Boston
Transcript
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

Never be at your place of business when
person wants to borrow money of you,
because if you are in YOU will be out, but
if you are out you will be in.-Town and
Country journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

ready 10 SOUND
is praises. 1t
has done won
lers for me in
relieving me
of a tunor.
p" My health
has been poor
three years.
Change of life
was working
- upon me. i
"a was very
" much bloated
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

Some people are constantly so busy that
you can't get them to do anything they
ought to Washington Democrat.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23
Treasury Department,

Office Of Auditor for Interior,
Washington. d. c.. Dec 10, 1898.
The Pe-ru-na Drug Mfg Co., Columbus,
Ohio:
Gentlemen-T've often heard of your
great medicine and have persuaded my
wife, who has been much Of a sufferer
from catarrh, 10 try Pe-ru-na, and after
using one bottle she has wonderfully
improved 1t has proved all you have
claimed for IT, and l take pleasure in
recommending it to anyone who is at
ficted with catarrh. Yours.
VIM. Youngblood,
Auditor for the Interior.
Catarrh in its various forms is rapid
" becoming a national curse. An un-
doubted remedy has been discovered by
DR.. Hartman. This remedy has been
thoroughly tested during the pastforty
years. Prominent men have come to
know of its virtues and are making pub
lie utterances on the subject. To save
the country we must save the people.
To save the people we must protect
them from disease. The disease that is
at once the most prevalent and stub
born Of cure is catarrh.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

While the turkeys natural life Is
only ten years. the goose sometimes
lives 10 80 years.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-02-23

He is a fool who thinks that another does
not think-Spanish Proverb
New-York tribune., 1899-07-30
THE MARINE BAND CONCERTS.
WHERE WASHINGTON GETS A BREATH OF
FRESH AIR IN MIDSUMMER

Washington. July 29.-The concerts given
every Saturday evening during the summer sea-
son by the Marine Band on the lawn in the rear
Of the White House have for years been feat
ure Of Washington life. 1t is here that the peo-
pie who are compelled to endure the midsummer
temperature of the capital gather weekly for
breath Of fresh air while listening to the strains
Of the band and catching glimpse Of the Pres
ident and his family. who not infrequently sit
on the portico during the concert watching the
animated scene on the lawn below
The music as a general rule, is Of the "popu-
lar" variety. 1t does not aspire to be educa-
ticnal. Dances. n medley Of negro melodies. the
inevitable overture 10 Poet and Peasant here
and there nterspersed by somewhat ambitious
attempt at composition by the leader or perhaps
a member Of the band. the marches Of SOusa-
these form the stock in trade. the repertory, OF
the ORCHESTRA" The Washington public is not
musical as a rule: it asks for little, and gets
even less But it is sweetly enduring. And there
is a suspicion abroad that it might resent the
shelving Of popular" tunes TO make room for
something a trhe more artistic.