Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-01-15
GET TO BED EARLY
mn ,oosr WITH THE CHIcKENs'
SAYS THE IDLER.
.BRgAE AWAY At II, LOVERS
.nycl. Have Wings:-The ""e
u..ed by Editors, VINO
c,.. scripturnI Quotations IN"
show Much Feeling

I'm there in the primitive cities OF ne"
york and philadelphia, where most u '"s
-. ro,ions sassy newspapers anu
dross ratterns originate, they nave III
ouqurated a movement for getting ~ 0'
earlier Henceforth, their corn husnine''
,oddo- shuckings. hog killings, ana CAKE
lie will end al a reasonable hour' 81
~. al hands can turn in and get theH
beauty sleep" This step IN 'ne
directIon-any step towards bed i )" w
right direction, / think-will oe n"'''
With delioht by millions who have mere
.o,oro had the welfare and salvation OF
Nou, Workers and Philadelphlans at heart'
And 7 too. rejoice with the muiti'uuo'
onion have I lain sleepless on my co"0"
for hours and thought how those nor'"ei ."
naonle dissipated. They tell me that some
of them even sit up as late as Il oc'oeN
NJ night. though these are exaggerated
caeee 7 suppose. The man who did such
a thing as that up in my county Woulu
have to give mighty good account Oh
himself unless two or three OF ms chit
dre, we're croupy or he heard some va
MINI I'm his henhouse. Aside from the
immortality Of it, his neighbors would die
Of curiosity.
And the strangest part about TINS pious
movement is that there are many lolA
who have already commenced kichihs
against It. IL some man were to orier 10
distribute dollar bills on the street cor
ners he would find opposition to the
scheme. People would either regard him
as "cIose as bark to tree" because ne
didn't give away two dollar bills, or they
would thanklessly accept his gratuileS
and accuse him of being about to run
for public office
One newspaper, commenting OIL the
"early-to-bed scheme" says the move
ment is all right but when any attempt
is made to ring the curfew bell on Cupid
there Is apt to be such an energetic howl
that the Populist party may feel con-
strained TO write something about 1t In
their next platform. In other words, this
editor wishes TO make q reservation In
behalf of counting couples.
Now. lovers are very sweet in poetry
or in ten-acre lots, where you can give
them plenty OF room. but to have them
hanging about the house, sitting around in
stray corners, nosing about on the
porches. and pecking at each other in the
parlor, is worse than pest OF flies. Ihey
want 10 own the premises, and, what Is
44tfiNH
of the earth and give them solitude. 1t
isn't any use denying IL, gals. I've been
a lover myself and 1 know all about II,
though sometimes nowadays l wish had
been altogether interrupted. I'm getting
my punishment now.
So l say, right here, that the young
people. above all Others are the ones VINO
should first be sent to bed. AS matter
OF fact. one court has already invaded
the front parlor and notified the STEADY
company" that it thinks IL o'clock Is
late enough for any young man 70 De
hanging around. Judge Fielder. Of Cleve-
land q. is the noble individual who has
thus come TO the aid Of his country
His idea IS. that at the hour mentioned
the old folk should sound taps, holler
scat" down the steps, and then cry
times up; break away"
The same pesky newspaper 10 when
have once before alluded jumps on the
Judge with both brOganed Feet anu
"sulkes" him i'm the following language;
"Does any minion of the law suppose
that the young manhood and womanhooo
OF this great and affectionate nation are
going TO stand calmly by ard see Cuplu
nut into the same category with the bar
Der or barkeeper? Shall the fruit-stahu,
where they 'sella de banan',' be accorded
" 'front.'
porlor. where Love is lord and only sweets
are dispensed. be forced TO close It's
doors upon the stroke OF IL? That Is
carving the early-closng movement al
| together too far"
Good If the editor who wrote 1t hap
pens to be a sparkling" man himself
| Good. too. II Cupid can be put In the
category of the barber and barkeeper,
for then. at the appointed hour, the old
man could come down ana get mar
cut and a night-cap But as things are at
present there's nothing In all this monkey
business for the old people except gas
and coal bills and wear and tear OF the
furnlture-especially the sofa.
For thirteen months and twenty-five
DAYS after l got married / used TO teel
very tenderly towards counting couples,
but after that l put them in the same
class with mice and reaches ana mos
onitoes and cobwebs. Shoe, spoony peo-
ME. don't come projicking around me any
more. II you visit my house I'll expect
ALI the lights out at 8; leastwise III eX
meet IL unless L have to go TO the lodge
or my literary society.
The Charlotte On. c. Observer is en-
gagged lust now in an editorial contro
versy conprning angels. Newspaper mei
heing naturally the nearest approach u
this spiritual class, i have followed tn
discussion with interest. My contempt
rarv takes the ground that angels hav
wings. and reverently cites scripture L
sustain his position, though l judge iron
his utterances that there are persons wh
think differently.
The first citation used by the observe
reads, in part as follows: ana l De
held and heard an anger hyihs Ihlous
the midst Of Heaven"
And still further TO sustain his posi-
ton this same editor (who, by the way
knows a great deal about the BiDle' cor
sidering his peculiar profession. uses an
other Biblical reference beginning: AN
I saw another angel fly I'm the midst
Heaven" etc.
"There II Is again-another angel fyin
: in the midst OF Heaven" exultantly 81
claims the Observer, and later on III
contemporary expresses the belief that
has "the bulge on Mr.. Smith"
For purposes Of Identification, II ma
be stated in passing that Smith appeal
t, 10 be a Washington individual who tak'
issua with my Carolina friend, and pc
sists that angels are only redeemed me
without wings for purposes Of locomouo
while | am inclined to think that !