The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1899-05-24
G:ei Advice to Bachelors.
Bob Taylor's Love Letter On Bache-
lOrs.

Sentiment is The Soul of Religion
and Patriotism-The Bachelors
Should Learn from the Widower.
Illustrated Youth and Age.
Nv Dear Old Solitary: Who
mends your socks? D. you sew en-
your own buttons? How long does
it take you to thread the needle!
Why don't you brush the cobweds
ont Of your soul, and straighten up
and get a good wife to do all of
these things for your What pleas
urs do you find in playing the game
of solitaire? Hearts are trumps, and
you cannot play a happy game in
this world without a partner. 1t is
not good that nan should live alone.
The world owes you a rib, and you
ought to have your old ribs cracked
if you don't collect the debt.
Why don't you rig up your matr'-
monial tackle, old boy, and 60 ang-
ling for a "frau?' Your old panta-
looms look mighty lonesome hanging
there in that dusty wardrobe without
some calico to keep them company
Your room is a poor paradise with
out 9 fair Eve to adorn it. 1 know
what is the matter with you; you
are afraid of grocery bills, and dry
goods bills, and doctor bills, and
curtain lectures, and the overthrow
of your independence and freedom
of speech, or else you are afraid to
"pop the question:" and thus lose
many a golden opportunity by sim
ply looking at her and grinning like
a basketful of 'possum heads. Per
haps you have popped the question"
and got mo" for an answer, but re-
member that ''there are as good fish
in the sea as were ever caught" and
remember that she is somewhere in
this vide, wide world "waitiog for
thee, darling"
Comb the feathers out of your
whiskers, and put a little bears oil
on your hair, if you havs any hair,
and spruce up. Don't expect her to
court you, but d. the counting your,
self. Press your suit gradually;
and when you see she is determined
to "kick," kick" first. for then is the
time above all other times to show
your independence. A true woman
loves an independent man next to
money.
Are you accommodating a fortune?
If so, for whom? Did you never
hear Private" John Aliens story OF
ting division of an old bachelors
estate, When they were dividing it
out among bis kiusfolk, one dis
arunt!ed relative felt that he hadn't
received his just proportion, and
complainipgly said. i sometimes
wish the old man hadn't died."
Ii you are poor, you need a good
woman to help you get rich; if you
are itch, You need a good woman tc
help you get poor. 10 either case
she is a success.
For a man to pass through this
world without a helpmeet is a strange
philosophy to me; and yet I have
seen men with of noble hearts as
ever throbbed, full of splendid senti.
ment, and in love with the beautiful,
live out their days in single wretch.
edress.
Bachelordom is a habit; the longer
INDUCED in, the harder to break,
until it's victim is so infatuated with
it that it seems impossible to quit.
e becomes rot" in his ways; and
be ,frills, and bangs, and bustles,
kudy shirt waists, and lowered
ard featEered hats which the mill,
ner's art can fashion, and ell the be-
witching glances and persuasive
smiles which beauty can bestow,
move him not: neither do they IN.
move him.
One of the attendant misfortunes
of a bachelor is observation-disclosures
I once heard of an absent. minded
bachelor who bought a pair of new
gloves, and went home with them
ard astonished his nephews and
nieces by throwing the gloves in the
fire and splitting on the bed. Oh
course be intended to sipt in the fire
and throw his gloves on the bed,
The best way TO cure absent minded
ness is to get a live, wide-swake:
talking wife, whose tongue will be q
constant reminder to you, and soon
teach you to think the right way.
If all men should follow your plan
of life, what would become of society
and civilization? All the homes that
now glow with the light of love and