Crawford avalanche., 1899-07-13
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"DOes the course or their true iovo
run smooth. p Yes. indeed; there are
banks on both sides."-Broklyn Life.
"How do people begin divorce pro-
ceedings, anyway "By getting mar
ried, Observation-Disclosures Bulle-
tin.
A young historian: "Now, David.
how did Washington's army cross the
DelawareY' "Please, sir. with hard
ships. Bazaar.
Sea Captain-"There is no hope! The
ship Is doomed! In an hour we will all
be dead" Seasick Passenger-"Thank
heaveny'-New York Weekly.
1T isn't injurious to eat Glove once
in a while, is 1t, doctor?" "Well. that
depends great deal on the spirit with
which you do It," = Chicago Tribune.
Bridget-"If yez don't pay me the
wages yez owe me, Opll kape dunning
yez till yez do" Deacon Harduppe-
s'Well, dun, good and faithful servant"
Life.
Ethel-"The man marry must be
hero-one who can beard the lion In his
denv Percy-"I see; kind Of COM
bination circus-man and barber!'
Puck.
Jones-"When she married him she
started in to make his home a para
disc on EARTH" Johnson-"Did she?"
Jones-"Yes, She salways harping."-
Kansas City Independent.
Mrs. Skimpen-"I think Mr.. Smith
must have liked the beefsteak pie. He
had two helpings OF it." The tactless
boarder-"Perhaps he did 1t on a
wager" Boston Transcript.
"Id like to look over some of you:
collars" said the young man, in the
haberdasher's. "Oh. then you want
to see some of the low styles?" replied
the dealer.-Yonkers Statesman.
"Yes," said the A. ID. T. manager,
pointing at one of his employees. that
boy has grown old in the service"
"And," said the visitor, while deliver
ing rush messages, l suppose.
cago Daily News.
Tonsorial Artist--T am using a new
kind of shaving soap. Most Of the gen.
tlemen that get shaved here say it's
the best I've ever had" Customer
"Well, that's merely matter Of TASTE"
Chicago Tribune.
Casey-"Doolan offered to prove to
me in black an white that OF war a
fool" Clancy "Phwat happened
thinT Casey-"Oi proved to him In
black an blue thot he war a liar
New York Journal.
"Yes, that's the BRIDE" Every
young, isn't she?" Nineteen, be-
lieve." "Who are those middle-aged
women with herr" "Those are her
unmarried sisters. She's chaperoning
em."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Honkley (severely)-"It's not
necessary for me to ask where you
were and what you were doing last
night" Mr.. Honkley (brightening)-
I'm glad of that for 1 couldn't do it
to save myself. Chicago News.
Crags-"Did you tell Shippers you
thought was man without any bal
ance" Butts-"Well, l naturally in
would draw on it for the amount you
owe me."-Philadelphia North Amer
lean.
Fuddy-"Heckle complains that after
all his labor in behalf of the public
he gets nothing for it," Duddy-"And
that's more than he deserves. Moth
ing is too good for him. have heard
him say so himself."-Boston Tran
script.
Mrs. Greene-"Funny how mothers
will believe that their own children
are so much better than anybody else's
children" Mrs. Gray-'I know it. IL
all people, now, were like my little
George, it would not be SO strange."C
Boston Transcript.
Widow Jones-"How would my little
Johnny like a new papa" Johnny
aged 5)-"Oh, you needn't shove the
responsibility onto me, ma. 1t isn't
new papa for me, but new hus-
band for yourself that you are think
ing of."-Boston Transcript.
what do you think of my sons pros
poets in life?' inquired the young Iaan's
father. We'll" answered the profess
sor, she may be great and financially
successful politician one OF these days.
He says Il don't remember to almost
every question l ask him. Washing
ton Star.
First Chicago Matron-"I pity that
poor Mr.. Porkington. His wife is such
an arbitrary, self-willed creature that
l believe she is making life night
mare for him." Second Chicago Ma
tron-"Yes, the conceited creature! She
treats him as if she never had hus-
band before. Judge.
One of the Natives-"Talk about
healthy locations! Why, when came
to this town only weighed about sixty
pounds. Now look at me. don't weigh
an ounce less than two hundred!
Guest-"Been here dong?" NativeA-
Not very long. Let's see. I'm thirty
eight now. 1t was about twenty nine
years ago."-Boston Transcript.
Nanny" said Pickaninny Jim, "I's
gwinter be one er desc hypnotizers."
"Whut's dem?" "Yoh look somebody
in de eye, an he des nachly goe2 .e.
Sleep" 'Well, don't you go was'in
yoh time. Dahs sleepfulness 'nuff in
dishere worl an" she paused sudden