New-York tribune., 1899-12-17
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

. oa,ar+is,np scheme was recently employed
bv a firm In a Southern city The junior partner "a
the firm swore out warrant for the arrest OF .he
senior partner on the ground that he was seniis
goods below cost, ana that the III ~
losing money thereby
Tho case came up in court. and the counsel ior
the senior partner asked for postponement IN or
der 10 have more time TO prepare his case Inc
Judge granted the request. bail was fixed. and the
senior member released AS he left the courtroom
the Junior partner arose and exclaimed II ne Is
released the sacrifice will go on!
The news soon spread and the firm did better
business.
When the case was again called no plaintiff ap-
neared and the charge was dismissed. The firm had
succeeded in their Observation-Disclosures
An Early Rescue-"Yes. lady" said Weary Weary
Walker Il was rescued from drink Sad IN ,n e prety
Here's quarter for you poor man. Tell me
"Tanks oh. they amt no more ter tel. When
well she list yanked me out. Goodby, kind LADY,
Catholic Standard and Times.
Golfers Weekly says that when Lord Charles
Beresford was a boy Of thirteen his father told MIN
that he must make choice of profession
What is It to be. my boy-the army the navy or
the Church?'
The navy sir"
"And why the navy, boyT'
'Cause I'd like to be an admiral like Nelson.
'Pshawl Like Nelson! Why Nelson?'
"'Cause | want to-
But even II you to join the navy, why do
YOU think you will ever become admiral.
Charlie?"
",Cause I mean to-" was the blunt reply. He
had his wish and entered the navy.
There are many Joneses in this world, but per
haps not quite so many as people think Not long
ago two friends met who had not seen each other
for ten years, since their school days
Whom did you marry Billy asked one -
you always did take to the name Jones can
used TO tag around after a little snubnosed Jones
girl" ,,,p p.,.. ..s,.,. .,o u,u,
married. ."-CYouth's Companion.
The analytical commission appointed by THE
London Lancet" to investigate the composition OF
American cigarettes as we'll as that OF the most
popular English makes reports that the tests failed
to show opium arsenic, phosphorus or mercury IN
a single instance. There is not a single scintila
Of evidence" says THE Lancet" ION which can be
fairly based the allegation OF the presence or any
substance injurious to health"
An Era Of Doubt.-T guess I'll throw II away"
said the fair girl despondently
What are you going to throw awayT'
that people dont believe in any signatures until
you have Saied IN gh2e lot or handwriting ex
Judge Clark Of the North Carolira Supreme
When he got to Henderson he found deep snow
on tho ground and the railroad from that place TO
oxford In those days did not run In such weather
SO the Judge set out in a buggy with a driver
whose customers had heretofore been commercial
| tourists. He took the Judge for drummer, and
tried TO beguie the tedurl by talking the
| hardware line. Not finding him exactly well posted
on that. he took up the drygoods business. Not
doing much better with that, he successvely tried
him on notions. groceries. liquors and others.
! Having exhausted all the lines" he could think
| Of he finally asked. You a drummer are you
notT Yes" said the Judge. 'T am somewhat in
| that line" We'll. what Is your line7" said the
| driver II am a drummer for the State peniten-
tiary." The driver. saying TO himself half aloud.
You are the first in that line that ever came
| along here" drove the OF the way in silence
When the conveyance drove up to the hotel In OK
/ ford the landlord to greet his guest. When
the driver heard his passer ger called Judge the
! point dawned on him. and he dashed round the
| house, scattering cloud OF arrow with his wheels.
Heartless Critc.-Playwright- suppose you saw
wSs St thre my COMEDY last night
! Playwright-How did you like the climax OF the
Ftrst-nighter--Really, didn't see that.
Paywright-Too bad! Got there too late, eh7
First-nighter-No. Went away too soon
-(Catholic Standard and Times.
There died last month" says The Chicago
! Tribune" "a man who had done much 10 shake
belief in the legend OF Jonah. William Simpson de-
voted his life a study OF the narrative and wrote
book to prove that the Biblical story is due tc
iuitiatory ceremony connected with the religion
! OF the Assyran fish god. who was akin to the
! Dagon OF the Phstines. Recent researches have
brought to life hundreds OF pieces OF Assyrian
sculpture containing representations OF human be.
! lngs draped in fish skin or protrudng head and
shoulders from the Jaws OF the fsh. A man whc
clad himself in fish skin was supposed TO be en-
dowed with the attributes OF the deity and after
undergoing the rite the novice was supposed to be
/ born again Simpson argued that In course OF
time when the ceremony fell into dsuse and rs
meaning forgotten, the Incidents OF the rite
developed into miraculous story"
That man is guilty didn't you notice how his
eyes shifted around?"
How about the other man?'
oh he's guilty, too; didn't you tow boldly
and steadfastly he stared at everybodyr'-Q -Qndian
apolis Journal