The Portland daily press., 1899-07-01

The following conversational quips are
from an extensive collection gathered by
Charon, the ferryInan OF the Styx, who
jotted them down in his notebook for flu
ture reference:
Diogenes, while walking about one day,
engrossed in thought, was approached by
Ulysses, who asked him: g say, old boy,
what Is this tale hearS 1t is said that
during your lifetime you frequently search.
ed with a lighted lantern in the neighbor-
hood Of the city hall in Athens in broad
daylight for an honest man."
Yes" answered Diogenes 81 admit
that I did and that made myself the
laughing stock OF all Athens. l never
mixed up much with politicians while on
earth and did not know that it would DO
impossible to find such q man in the
neighborhood Of the city hall. "
Lord Byron was IN q joking mood one
evening and said to Shakespeare:
''Bill, old boy, see that persons on
earth are attributing all Of your late work
to Lord Bacon"
"Poohp answered Shakespeare con
tenptuously He could never have writ
ten my books. Why, Byron, Bacon is on
the hogi''
Queen Elizabeth upon leaving Charon's
boat one evening was obliged TO step out
on the banks Of the Styx ankle deep In
the mud She groaned inwardly as she
looked down and beheld tho state Of her
goloshes and said:
"Oh, for a Sir Walter Raleighr'
"H'mi" said Napoleon, who was stand
ing near "You don't find many women
walking on gentlemen's cloaks these
days"
NO." remarked King Henry VIII;
"they walk on their necks or any old
place that suits them"
Charles Lamb, the noted English satir-
LIST, received q message from Charon one
day that boatload Of his relatives would
be sent ACROSS the Styx that evening
Lamb met the relatives at the bank Of the
river that evening, accompanied by his
friend, Sidney Smith. Lamb noticed that
most of his relatives were purse proud
aristocrats, with very little breeding, and,
drawing Sidney Smith aside, he remarked:
81 don't like them much, Sidney. 1
think they are very much fawn skinr'
"oh, nop' answered Smith brilliantly.
"They are Lambs kin, and you should
be proud of themi''
King Henry VIII while in reminiscent
mood one morning was relating to George
Washington the little incidents connected
with the deaths of his several wives and
wound up the story with the remark:
II tell you, my boy, when 1 was on
earth was all the loose change"
II fail to see it,, answered Washington.
II fail to comprehend where any loose
change comes in. According to my notion,
you were nothing moro than bad SOW
ereign."
Napoleon while in conversation with a
gang that was seated by the brink OF the
Styx, fishing, began boasting of his mill
tary prowuss while on earth.
Think of the march to Moscow" he
said triumphantly. "why, crossed the
Alps on my way to Russia and again on
my return. In fact, double crossed the
Alps"
Yep" answered Frederick the Great
as he reached for more bait, land the Rus
slams double crossed you, didn't theyY'
One day Charon was seen to land at the
bank of the Styx and then row hurriedly
to the other side without allowing the per-
son he rowed over to alight. A delega-
ton, headed by julius Cesar, greeted him
upon his return and asked him the mean
ing of'hi5 strange conduct.
"Oh, just simple matter" answered
Charon in his offhand way. THAT fellow
/ brought over wasn't dead at ALL He
had been listening to some Of Dan Muir.
phys fish stories and was walking about
In a trance. That's allr
Sir Walter Raleigh, in speaking of his
career on earth, happened to remark that,
no matter what turned up, he was always
cool and collected
YES, answered Charles Dickens
. But at the last moment you lost your
head, Wallier'
'"How Fortunate" unused Sir Isaac
Newton, "that the apple fell on my head
and discovered gravity"
"Yes, " answered Ann Boleyn, who
happened to overhear him, at was fortu-
nate that it was an apple, for If 1t had
been railroad train, though the situation
would have been one of much more crawl
ty, yet your discovery would haze remain.
ed undiscovered '-Cincinnat Enquirer.
paInahIe Faiiacy