The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-10-29
BRYAN AS A STORY TELLER.
He Has More Wit Than Humor, and
Never Employs oaths.
'5l7INqliyyII147'Y orig Nh World 3


Colonel William ] Bryan can never
hope to acquire fame as humorist.
His character is too serious for hui
NOR vet he can tell a funny story to
illustrate d political point. But funny
stories are net his forte. He tells them
we'll. but he will not attempt to en-
phasize them By using a profane word
or a. suggestive expression. He ac
krlowledges that an oath viii make a.
hit in some stories. but he absolutely
refuses to employ oaths. No woman's
mind is purer in that direction than
William j. Bryanfs. His lighter efforts
are more iIl the line Of wit and humor.
His thrusts are delivered suddenly and
in epigrammatic form as when he
says:
II know we can whip the Fiiipinos.
here affirm We can whip the Filipinos.
Spain had them almost whipped, after
fighting 200 years. and then sold US an
option ON the fight for s2o,o0o,O0o"
And then again when he says:
IF, according to the Republicans,
God is in the Philippine question, why
not proceed in Gods way-loye and
peace? Gatiing-gun gospel never yet
succeeded. The man who receives it
doesn't need CEiristianizing and the
man who escapes will always oppose
it,"
Here are some of the stories he tells:
when the income tax bill was up
they told me the rich Democrats would
leave the party if it was passed. I
didn't think so, but I found I didn't
know the rich Democrats. / then said
the poor Republicans will be with us,
but l found I did not know the poor
Republicans. If the poor Republicans,
when they saw the rich Democrats
coming over to their party, only had
the Judgment of the Irfshman who was
driving a mule, all would have been
well. As this Irishman was driving
along in a buggy, the mule stopped,
looked around at him and began kick
ing. He kicked the harness to pieces
and finally put his hind legs over the
dashboard. All right, says Pat If
you want TITO come in, why come inr-
but when yez de- I'll get OUT
The Republican policy in the Philip
pines reminds me of the prayer of the
old colored man. 1t illustrates the diff
ference between being on Gods side
and wanting God on your side He
said when he prayed to God to send
him a chicken he seldom got one, but
when he prayed God to send him after
chicken he always got one My
friends, the Republicans are praying
God to send them after chickens They
have already got the Philippine
TOOSleT
Mark Hanna said in an interview
that God was in the Philippine bust
ness. 1 don't know whether He is or
not, but before l believe prophets 1
want to see their credentials. BY their
fruits We shall know then,' says the
Bible. Hanna has been a successful
prophet of McKineyisn. He can tell
the policy of the president without con-
! sulting him. But, 1 assure you my
friends, when God is in the Philippine
question He will choose another mouth
piece than Mark Hanna"
I've heard it said that President
Mckinley had no Philippine policy un-
til he made the Omaha trip. He re-
solved to feel the pulse Of the people
and gather public sentiment from the
rear of a railroad train If he had
| only consulted me I could have told
him how unreliable is public sentiment
gathered from the rear IF a railroad
train. 1 gathered some in '96 my
self
THE peoples attitude before the
trusts reminds me of the compcsure of
the man who was starving. He finally
got loaf of bread and was just pre-
pairing to eat it when a dog ran off
with it. The man didn't get mad nor
did he weep. He only said: Thank
God, I've got my appetite left That
| Is lust what the people have left -