The times., 1899-05-08
TIE WEATHER MAN
and THE JUBILEE
No Storms Predicted for the
Gala Week.
Evil Prophecies Without Better
Foundation Than Almanacs.
comfited by the Official Fore
casters Announcement.

Now it came to pass that in the fifth
sign, Sagittarius, in the month called May.
the Jubileeites of the District called Co
lumbia arose and said in their might,
Verify, we will have Jubilee of Peace.
And we will have it the fifth month. and
We will see to it that it is good Jubi-
lee and one of much proportion" And
they set themselves together and prepar-
ed with much preparation for the feast
which was to be.
Now it happened that there were those
in the regions round about the District
called Columbia who were of the tribe
called Hangtheiubileeites. And these
were against the Jubilee and said among
themselves: Verify. be it resolved that
there is no Jubilee until we say it,
And the Jubileeites had of wrath and
said: ''Begone, thou fatheads, for there
will be a Jubilee. And the Hangthejubi-
leeites were silent and said little put pur-
chased one ice cutter of many cubits high
and many cubits big.
And when the Jubileeites had built many
wondrous affairs and had began others,
they that were OF the other tribe held
them in derision and said one to the
other: 'Ho! Ho! This is indeed merry.
and we will grim And they did grin.
And they said: Verify, this is 4 circus
and excuse US while we smile, for it is
predicted that storms of great ferocity
will smite the Jubilee and all therein. And
these storms are predicted for the week
OF the Jubilee, and those who participate
will require divers outfits for the divers
storms"
And the people grew fearsome and said:
Il told you so And we are not fish that
We should swim about our highways and
byways in gala attire" And the scrbes
looked wise and said: Verify there is
a story in this And they took stylus and
parchment and went forth.
And the Hangthejubileeites produced al
prophets and said: Behold, herein are
the words. From the 21st day until the
25th day it shall be great thunder storms
and mayhap tornadoes. And il shall rain
much rain, and the regions round about
will be wet These are destructive storms
and will be hot stuff. So now will you be
good?"
Again did the scribes look wise as is
their wont. And the Hangthejubileeites
waited for such things as might happen.
But the Jubileeites refused to gnash their
hair. nor would they pour asnes upon their
spring suits. And they answered and
said Cease thy jollying, oh thou of
little faith
Now in those days there dwelt certain
prophets known as Weather Men. And
these were exceeding wise and ate bar
ometers and drank mercury that they
might know the weather And a scribe
proceeded to the Weather Men and said:
''Oh, Probability, what is this we hear
| about great storms in this month, from
the 2lst day until the 25th day thereof?
For 1t is written by the prophets and the
soothsayers in alnianacs that these are to
come to pass
And the weather man. who is Prof Gar
riott, smiled in his knowledge and said:
believe not the sayings of almanacs, for
it is but charlatansm. No man knoweth
what may come to pass within three weeks.
Even /, who am weather man. am kept
busy predicting for the coming tou, and
twenty hours. And | have good intorma-
tion. Comfort thyself, then. and believe
that the almanacs know not whereof they
talk. for verify their gear is chainless AS
an insurance company sayeth, This man
is healthy; he will not die in many years.
and issues a policy, whereupon the man
dieth the next day. So is it with almanacs
and false prophets: they know not what
may be upon any day or week within the
distant future or the next month or three
weeks from date. | know of no storms
for those days. and no other man knows
better than L.
And the Jubileeites were much COM
forted and said: We will fool those who
wish US in derision, and our good time will
be an exceeding good time. Verify We
will pull off our Jubilee whether the other
tribe likes it OF no, and all will be we'll"
All of the above goeth TO show that no
man may say. Beware the storm" unless
some wise man arise and say. Ware he
the storm and look for it Furthermore
no man may control the weather and mar
ness the lightning for exhibition purposes,
for as is the rear guard of the mule so is
the weather. So are the Jubileeites max
ing merry and fattening the calf. while
their enemies are in derision. Here's
hoping you don't" and ''Sic Semper Jubl-
lee." and I'm storms we trust"