Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1899-05-13
THE GOD FROM THE MACHINE.
By RUDYARD KIPLING.
Hit man an help woman, an you can't be
far wrong anyways.
-Maxims of Private Mulvaney

The Inexpressibles gave ball. They
borrowed FOUNDER from the gunner
and wreathed it with laurels and made
the dancing floor plate glass and pro
vided supper the like of which ha(
never been. eaten before, and set two
Bentries at the door of the room to hole
the trays and programme cards. My
friend Private Mulvaney was one Of
the sentries, because he was the tallest
man in the regiment When the dance
was fairly started, the sentries were re-
leased. and Private Mulvaney fed tt
curry favor with the mess sergeant in
charge of the supper. Whether the mess
sergeant gave or Mulvaney took | can
not say All that l am certain of is
that at supper time l found Mulvaney
with Private Ortheris, two-thirds of q
ham, a loaf of bread, half pate de foie
gras and two magnums of champagne
sitting on the roof of my carriage. AS
came up heard him saying:
praise be danst doesn't come as
often as ord 'ly room, or, by this an
that, Orth' ris, my son. wud be the
dishgrace av the rig mint instid av the
brightest jool in uts crown.
Hand the colonel's pet noosince, >
said Ortheris, who was a Londoner
"But wot makes you curse your ra-
tions? This ere fzzy stuff's good
enough.
"Stuff, you oncivilized pagin! IT'S
champagne ere dhrinkin now 'Tisn t
that am set ag'in. tbs the quare stuff
wild the little bits av black leather in
it. l misdoubt l will be distressin ly
sick wild it in the mornin. Fwhat is
ut?"
Goose liver, III said climbing on
the top of the carriage, for knew that
it was better to sit out with Mulvaney
than to dance many dances
Goose liver, is ut T. said Mulvaney.
Faith, I'm thinkin thin that makes ut
wud do betther to cut tip the colonel.
He carries power av liver undher his
right arrum whin the days are warm an
the nights chill. He wud give thin tons
an tons av liver. It's he seq so. Pm
all liver today. seq he, an wild that he
ordhers me ten days G. B. for as mold
a dhrink as liver a good sodger TUX be-
tune his teeth.
"That was when e wanted for to
wash ITSELF in the fort ditch, Ortheris
explained rSaid there was too much
beer in the barrack water butts for a
God fearing man. You was lucky in git
tin orf with wot you did, Mulvaney."
''You say so? Now I'm persuaded I
was cruel hard trated, seein fwhat I've
done for the likes av him in the days
whin my eyes were wider opin than
they are now Man alive, for the colo
mel to whip me on the peg in thatwayl
Me that have saved the reputation av
ten times better man than him Twas
ne-farious. an that names power av
evill''
'Never mind the righteousness, I
said. "Whose reputation did you saver
''More's the pity, twasn't my own,
but | tux more trouble wild ut than if
ut was Twas just my way, messin
wild fwhat was no business av mine.
Hear nowr' He settled himself at ease.
on the top of the carriage. 'I'll tell you
all about ut, Av coorse [ will name no
names, for there's wan that's an Off
GERS lady now that was in ut. an no
more will I name places, for man is
thracked by place.
"EyahI" said Ortheris lazily. ''But
this is mixed story volts comm.
"Wanst upon time, as the childer
books say, was a recruity.
WAS you, thought said Ortheris.
''Now that's extraordinary
"Orth 'ris, said Mulvaney, cav you
opin thin lips av yours again I will,
savin your presince, sorr, take you by
the slack av your trousers an heave
you. >
''I'm mum, said Ortheris !'Wot
'appened when you was a recruity?'
81 was betther recruity than you
liver was or will be, but that's neither
here nor there Thin became man.
an the divil Of man was Is years
ago. They called me Buck Mulvaney in
thin days. an, begad, TUX a woman's
eye. | did that Orth ris, you scrub,
fwhat are you sniggerin att? Do you
misdoubt me p
Devil Doubt said Ortheris tBut
I've card summat like that before. .
Mulvaney dismissed the impertinence
with lofty wave of his hand and con-
tinued
"An the orr GERS av the rig mint |
was in in thin days was orr GERS
grand men, wild manner on EN- an a
way wild EN- such as is not made these j
1ays-all but wan-wan av the capt MS /
A bad dhrill, wake voice, an limp /
leg thin three things are the signs av
4 bad man. You bear that in your hid,
Orth ris, my son.
IAN the colonel av the rig mint had |
A daughter-wah av thin lamblike, !
bleatin, pick me up an carry me, or I'll
lie gurls such as was made for the nat
1ral prey av men like the capt'n who
was iverlastin payin coort to her,
though the colonel he said time an over,
Kape out av the brute way, my dear T
But he niver had the heart for to send
1er away from the throuble, bein as he
was widower an she their wan child. .
'tStoD minute, Mulvaney. said l. I