The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1899-09-09

" TOT the IRON wig. ulstant Iela-
IN tive of Mr. Job Teeter's, while
walking bareheaded in his garden
one day was killed by bullet that fell
noiselessly out Of the air from a great
height and penetrated his Uranium. A
marked copy of the local paper containing
full account OF the accident was mailed
to Mr. Tceter; and thereafter that gentle
man had no piece of mind, either day or
night. lie was seized by the conviction
that the same manner OF death would befall
him also, and the presentiment got such
hold upon him that he dreamed of it by
night and never went abroad by day with
out the dread of it aching in his bones. If
he heard gun 60 off, when he was out of
DOORS he shivered with apprehension until
sufficient time had elapsed for the bullet to
fall to the earth again, in case the gun had
been fired in the air. He read all that he
could find upon the subject Of the momen-
tum of falling bodies and only had his
fears confirmed by the assurance that half
ounce bullet, falling from a height OF one
hundred yards, would gain such velocity
as to kill man as surely as il fired at him
point blank from the same distance.
The result of these accommodating fears
was that Mr.. Teeter decided to armor plate
his defepseess bald head So he had made
for himself an iron plate exactly fitting his
dome of thought; and to this he firmly
glued conventional wig. The contriv-
ance was a great success, for, when its
broad spring clamps pressed firmly in the
flesh behind Mr.. Teeter's ears-the clamps
themselves being concealed by the luXuri-
ant brown curls of the wig-no rude shock
could part him and his cap of mail. Such
a sweet sense Of security possessed him,
when he went abroad with his iron wig
upon his head! And, furthermore the
brown curls were so rejuvenating so be-
coming! With infinite satisfaction, Mr..
Teeter viewed himself daily in the mirror,
and became bachelor of 80, he was not
too old to win, even yet, the heart of some
fair creature who would make life para
disc for him.
Safe now from the haunting dread of ex-
tinction by falling bullets, Mr.. Teeter's
step grew once more firm and iaunty; the
color returned to his pendant checks, and
his eyes shone with animation and hope.
When the town, in June, began to be de-
serted for the seashore and the mountains,
Mr.. Teeter, mindful of many well-founded
quips upon the scarcisv of men at summer
resorts, determined to 20 where his sex
would be taken at his full valuation. SO
he packed fat grip and started for one of
the most popular caravansaries by the side
Of the sounding sea.
Here life at once took on a new and mag
cal color to him. He learned for the first
time what it means to bask in the melting
glances of youth and beauty. In his
younger days, Mr.. Teeter had been too shy
to venture much into feminine society; but
now, in his more seasoned and confident
prime, with the ambrosial curls of the iron
wig hiding his polished pate, he felt equal
to any amount Of Irritation and love-mak-
ing. With all the hunger of a soul starry
ing for romance, lie threw himself into the
gayeties Of seashore life, caperng among
his quota OF fair ones which was neces-
sarily large in as sprightly a manner as
any other of the tour men who represented
the Steiner sex at the Seafoam Pavilion.
But there was one fair creature, who,
above all the rest, ruled the emotions of
job Teeter's soul. She was fair and
buXom young widow. just turned 80, child
less wealthy, gay and fascinating, 1t
seemed to Mr.. Teeter that, if he could