The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1899-03-03
.G f neutrality-suspicious.;
by ALEX MILLER.
BY ALEX MILLER.l
Finding a Match in the Dark.

The lamp had gone out at the most
inopportune time, as lamps have
habit of doing. Inever yet saw one
that would go out when it was no
longer wanted, but invariably when
needed most. ] wouldn't give much
for lamp that wouldn't 90 out, be-
cause | would feel certain that it
was abnormal and liable to do other
things equally unusual and unheard
Of. 1t lamp wouldn't go out when
most needed, what would there be
to keep it from sucking eggs or from
running off with the cook, Just as
the dish ran way with the spoon?
Generally, then, | favor things NOV
ing along in their wonted channel,
because 1T doesn't get one all excited
and worked up.
1t was at the darkest part of the
night, for lamps never go out except
at such a time. The baby wanted
something. Babies always do.
Again, / wouldn't give much for one
that didn't, because it would be I'M
natural. Furthermore, | find that
babies always want whatever hap
pens to be farthest away, in the re-
hottest part of the house and in the
darkest corner. No matter if you
brought every single article on the
premises and laid them all on the
table in reach Of the bed, it would be
something else the baby would
clamor for. and when the babies
clamor it is good deal better to
take a walk. / went after the baby's
no nj Har ~ hn 10 n, ~, -
cap or some warm water to stop the
hiccoughs; | don't remember what,
and, anyway, don't know that 1t
makes any difference. Nobody
cares. But just at the critical mo-
ment when needed the light most,
when l could not possibly get along
without it, the fool lamp went out,
and there stood wrapped in utter
darkness and few night clothes.
Now, you can't light a lamp with
a pocket knife, nor with language,
even if it makes a blue streak,
neither can you light one with warm
water. 1t requires match, and
are always at the farthest
end of the house to avoid mice. l
didn't want to send the baby after
them, so | struck out myself.
l descended the stairway, eau
tiOusly. By the way, always de-
scend the stairway when coming
down stairs. 1t is a good deal bet
ter than to chop hole in the floor
and fall down. In the dining room,
/ kicked my shins against straight
backed chair, in order to find out
whether our furniture was made of
hard wood. I was gratified to find
that it was. | laughed a merry
laugh to avoid improper language.
L walked on to an iceberg that
seemed to freeze my feet into solid
chunks, and if stranger had dis
covered me he would have imagined
that [ was trying to dance a High
land fling, when in reality / was try
ing to keep both feet off the kitchen
oil cloth at once. / found the cup
board and reached into the match
box, which proved to be the lard
can, and in my hurry / jammed my
finger into the bluing box and in
wiping the perspiration off my pal
plating brow l decorated my beau
tiful features like an Apache at
ghost dance.
Finally, after upsetting the vine
gar bottle and three milk pans, by a
a sudden, desperate plunge Irammed
my fingers into the match box and
almost unjoined it, but was getting
up TO my work and DIDN'T
care for expenses.
L went upstairs three steps at a
time and reached the top before /
was looking for it, / slammed my
foot down as if 1 had been trying to
stamp hole in the floor. [ struck
match and lit the lamp. There were
some matches lying right squarely
under the lamp, just where they
had been all the time while L was
cavorting around over the house.
Hereafter, have my own opinion
Of hiding ones light under bushel.
A better way is to hide your
matches under the night lamp.