davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
PUNISHING AN EDITOR.
The Curious Method Adopted In
 South American Country.

Curious methods of punishing indis- erect editors are in vogue in some coun- tries. In ''SOuth American Sketches" Mir Crawford describes the interesting experience of an editor who had been unfortunate enough to give offense to the ruling powers by the freedom of his criticisms.
 The editor was arrested and confined in narrow passage between the cages of two jaguars. notorious for their bad tempers and their intense dislike for hu- man society.
 The intervening space was so regulat- ed that neither of the ferocious animals could get its paws quite to the middle line between the cages, so that spare, active person, if very careful to follow the classical advice about the Gdvan- tages of steering middle course, might manage to pass without special injury, though the achievement would be both exciting and dangerous.
 Our editorial friend happened to be stout. and therefore was the more easily reached by the occupants of the cages. As if to add insult to injury, he was given a chair on which to sit and at the same time was furnished with a copy of his own paper. the issue which had brought him into trouble, in order that he might meditate upon its con tents.
 He tried to sit motionless and bolt upright, feeling those sleepy. cruel eyes fixed upon him. At the slightest move ment or the rustic of the paper uneasy mutterings arose from the cages, and paw would stretch stealthily toward him. Leaning quickly to the other side, he was sure to be met by the ugly claws of the second jaguar. It was a case of Scylla and Charybdis.
 Every few minutes the jagdars be- came wildly excited and clawed fiercely at the shrinking editor, who, do his best, could not escape those rending toe nails. His clothing was torn to shreds, but except for a few scratches he was not really injured.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
(h3LjFSS,.E!BA8Y RS7. GL lLlfT' if'g[EfBllES5

William Morris library, recently sold at auction in London, brought nearly S55,0OO for 1,215 lots.
 Jeremiah Curtin, who has translated most of the novels of SienkiewicZ, speaks eighteen languages.
 Julia Magruder considers "Struan' her best novel. It differs from most of her other works in not having appeared serialIy.
 Two new novels by Isabella NJ. Witherspoon are 'The Tragedy of Ages and a Cuban story called Rita de Garthey."
 Anthony Trollope, the novelist, was one of the first Englishmen to speak up in favor of the United States anneXing Cuba. This he did thirty-eight years ago.
 Herbert Spencer, although an invalid and no longer young man, is working as hard at his home in Brighton as he has ever done. He is not writing any thing new, but is revising all his old books, and it is his wish to live long enough to complete the task. His friends think that if he did not stop to answer the numerous letters he re- ceives from unknown correspondents he might have more strength for his work. There was time when he found 1t necessary to decline answering let ters from any but personal friends, but he did not keep that good rule very long, and the result is that his time is very much encroached upon by the un- thinking.
 Fogs remind an English writer of Jerome K. Jerome. On the night of the great London fog a few years ago he was at Lyceum first night. He had cab, a four-wheeler, waiting for himself and his wife, and away they started through the wall of fog to their home in St. Johns Wood. But they kept running into things. At last brilliant idea hit the brilliant author of '"The Second Thoughts of an Idle Eel low" He and his wife got out and walked behind the cab between the two hind wheels, keeping a hand on the back rail. Then nothing could run into them, and when the cab crawled into anything they were only buffered back gently.
 Anthony Hope was led, it is said, to become his own dramatist by the fact that so much money had been made by others than himself out of his plays. It is said that he was invited by George Alexander to visit him at his country place, a newly acquired mansion and grounds that filled MT. Hope with de light and envy. When he was express Ing his admiration of the place MT. Alexander, with a friendly pat upon the back, said: Made it all out of The Prisoner of Zenda.'" Then Mir. Hope came to New York and dined with Mir. Sothern, in his new house, purchased and furnished at large eX- pense; and again he was struck with by the way actors live and made some remark to show that he ap- preciated such luxuries. Made it all out of The Prisoner of Zenda,'" said MT. SOthern, at which Mr. Hope groaned. Refiecting that his play had enabled two actors to live in palaces,s while the author had not even a house of his own, he now proposes to make all the money he can out of his books by becoming his own dramatist.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
STROKES OF A RAZOR.
How Many Do You Suppose It Takes
 tO Shave a Man.

How Many Do You Suppose It Takes
 tO Shave a Man.
 "Now that you've finished shaving me, how many strokes of the razor did it require?" asked the man in the chair, as he strengthened up to have his hair combed.
 That's pretty hard to tell, said the barber.
 "Of course it is. But you've been in the business how long?''
 Fifteen years. <"
 "You ought to know by this time about how many strokes of the razor it requires to shave man, supposing that you go over his face second time.
 ''I might make guess at it.
 "All right. Whats your guess? Re- member that have hard beard"
 "Well, 1 should say about 125."
 "YOu're a good guesser, don't think. Some time ago 1 got into the habit of counting the strokes of razor every time was being shaved. It's 8 good way to employ your mind. In shaving me you just made 732 strokes with the razCr"
 ''I wOuldn't [ have believed it.
 No man believes it until he takes the trouble to couEt. In my case I never knew the number to fall below 500, and it has gone more than 800 at times. 1 call it stroke every time the razor Is brought forward and then drawn back. I should judge that there are no fewer than 500 strokes in a first class shave You remember that, and proba- ply you can win few bets.'
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

Queen Victoria thinks it quite as well for her to remain away from Cannes this season; the German emperor has ordered magnificent trees chopped down in the park where he takes his daily constitutional, that the lurking places of would-be assasslns may be fewer; the CZar has troubles peculiarly his own: the King of Sweden has dis covered that if he isn't actually de trop with his subjects he is not a necessity to their happiness and well being, and so the story goes.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

Comte de Chambord, who was grand son of King Louis Philippe, died and the Bourbon succession was merged in the Count of Paris, the representa- tive of the younger or Orleans line of the Bourbon-Orleanist family. Around neither of these two claimants could the French people rally with any hope or expectation that a better or more stable government would be given them than they enjoy under the republic. Be sides all this majority of the people of the middle class, who make public sen timent in France, are loyal to the re- public and believe the present troubles will pass away and bring a better and stronger administration than the cOun- try has had since the establishment of the third republic.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Rinos nn Index Finger

Rings never were more fashionable, and it is the latest fashion to wear a ring on the index finger, and this is quite as awkward as wearing a circlet of jewels on the thumb. The ring most approved at present to wear on the index finger is large and costly. It consists of a ruby surrounded with dia- monds. An emerald set in this same fashion is also in vogue. Women of fashion are also wearing curious an cient rings. many of which cover three fingers. after the style of Mrs. Mackey and her $27, ,000 ring.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
To Save the Nerves.

Grippe hit you in the ear, old man ?'' asked one citizen of another.
 Never had the grip, sir. Never sick in my life"
 "Oh, I beg your pardon, but I have noticed for several days that you are wearing your ears covered"
 "Yes," with an embarrassed grin. "my daughters practicing on an Ope, rattle lullaby for a parlOr entertain. ment."-Detroit Free Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

Two girls recently broke out of a house where they were quarantined in order to go to party with two young men who flung notes up to their win dows begging them to engage in the foolish enterprise. Both young men now have the smallpox, which proves that poetic justice still has an occa- sional inning here below.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Modest.

Her father-And I s'pose you expect, if consent to let you have my daugh- ter, that 1 will set you up in business and make you rich.
 MT. Sappleigh-NO, I really haven't any such extravagant expectations as that. I'm willing to take her just for my board and clothes.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Hioh-Pr-c -ced Dnctnr

Dr. Willis, the medical attendant of King George IT,, of England, was called to Lisbon to attend the Queen of Portugal for a mental disorder. He got $5O,000 month, travelling expenses and board for himself and suite, and upon restoring the Queen received S100,00O in addition to the monthly stipulation.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
 THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
 World Sayings that Are Cheer
 ful to Old or Young-Funny SeIec-

Then pensioned-off faithful nurse" in an aristocratic family took a mourn ful pleasure in keeping the 'In Memo riam" cards which were from time to time sent her. On one occasion "the daughter of the house," visiting the old lady's cottage, noticed the cOllec- ton so Ostentatiously displayed.
 "As, yes, miss, keeps 'em all" said the aged nurse. 'Ive got your poor pas, and your sainted mas, and your brother Williams, and your sister Car rie's, and if only had yours, think could die 'appy!-London Chronicle.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Another Has Keen.

"DO you think Brierly is as much of a bicycle enthusiast as ever"
 ''Oh, no; he has recovered. I heard him say the other day that he didn't propose to let any of the dealers impose upon him by selling him q new wheel while his old one was practically as good as new"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

William D. Howells doubts very much whether 'our old grudge" against England has been wiped out. But this may be merely a sign that Mir. Towels has not yet been able to bring himself to forgive his chosen enemy, the En- glish novelist.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

An Eastern man advertises that he has the addresses of 10000 red-haired women. He must be angling for posi- tiOn as drummer with some hair-dyeing establishment.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Amounts to t,,@ue,s

Hieks-Wonder why Blixoin was fired from his place on the Comet?
 Blicks-In the first place, how do you know he was fired? He doesn't say so.
 HickS-NOt in so many words, but it amounts to that. He told me that he had severed his relations with the pa per.-BOstOn Transcript
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Unnecessary Dread.

'Spain dreads the day of settlement" remarked Mir. Hiland.
 ''I don't see why she should dread what never cOmes," added Mir. Halket. What do you mean?"
 "Well, the Spanish army does not know what a pay day is e."-Pitts- burg Chronicle.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

The elevation of Dewey to the rank Of admiral of the navy Is a gift from the whole people. Seventy million souls indorse and acclaim the action of Con- gress and the President We do not think that in the length and breadth of the continent there is one dissenting voice
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

Germany paid last year more than four million dollars in pensions to the aged poor. It was a much-needed and graceful charity. But far better would be a social and industrial system under which such aims would not be neces- sarY
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Information,

Whats a dog pound, papa"
 Sixteen ounces. Now keep still" " Detroit Free Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Utilizing Old Tin Boxes.

Tn Paris the thousands of sardine and other tin boxes that are thrown away every month are stamped by machinery into tin soldiers, and sold so cheaply that the poorest children can buy them, while the manufacturer makes fair DrOfit.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
One on Mamma.

Small Johnny had on his best clothes and his mamma told him not to play in the dirt with them on.
 Don't they have any dirt in heaven to play in?" he asked.
 "No, of course not" replied his mother
 ''Then, what do little boys do up there? Queried Johnny.
 "Oh, they. play harps and sing and sit under beautiful trees," was the re- ply.
 Well" said the little fellow, 'I don't see how they can have trees if there ain't no dirt."-HOuSton Post.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
So Have Others.

Frank-SOme genius in Birmingham has invented buttOnlesS shirt.
 Billy-Why, that's old. I've worn them ever since my wife learned to ride a bike.-Tit-B
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Needed OnIx a File.

Turnkey-Now, me worthy friend, yer locked up where yer can't escape. Why, hull regiment of sOjers couldn't release yer.
 Jovial Jim the Burglar-Nope, pard, but a single file would. See?-Phila- delphia Record.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

A youth who much desired to wear the matrimonial yoke had not sufficient courage to pop the question" On in forming his father of the difficulty he labOred under the old gentleman pas siOnately replied, "Why, you great boOby, how do yod suppose managed when | got married?"
 "Oh, yes" said the bashful lover, you married mother. but I've got to marry a strange girl. Elk.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Headed Off.

She-DO you like Wagner?
 He-Oh, fairly we'll.
 She-I'm so glad. I've just got a fine selection from "LOhengrin" that T. He-HOld on. You know I've just got back from New York I thought you were referring to Wagner's sleeping cars
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

While Cecil Rhodes did not explicitly say so, 1t is apparent that he would be willing to give the United States per mission to take any territory on earth which Great Britain doesn't happen to want
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
4 Question of Preservation

"DO you think it desirable to keep warships at the Philippines?" said the German emperOr's confidential ad- wiser.
 "Yes," was the answer, with great emphasis.
 "Well, l suggest, then, that we pro- ceed with caution, because if we're not careful this man Dewey may lose pa- tience and take them away from us."- Washington Star
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Her MiSainr,

"And so your wife thinks she has a mission"
 "Yes."
 "What is it?'
 Convincing ms that don't love her half as much as l did before we were married"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

Dewey's new job carries with 1t a salary of $13,O00 year, but he isn't likely to be superstltious about it-not so much so, anyway, as to refuse to draw it.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

A man who tried to commit suicide, but missed his heart, says that for some time he had been practicing with haystacks for targets. Evidently he misjudged the size of his heart.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
The Real Reason.

"BOrus, in your last novel you spoil the story by raising an insurmountable barrier between the hero and heroine, each other.''
 T couldn't help it, Naggus. My wife insisted that I was the hero of the story myself, and she got jealous of the heroine. Chicago Tribune.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Reason for Sadness.

Harris-Walters has been looking pretty sad since his daughter got mar ried, hasn't he?
 COrrell-Yes. You see, he had no sooner got his daughter off his hands than he found he would have to put her husband on his feet.-BroOklyn Life
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Her OD.uiou

Miss Quickstep-What part of town are we driving through, MT. Fibble?
 Fweddy-I haven't the least idea.
 Miss Quickstep-I was aware of that. Still, I thought 1t possible you might know what part of town we are driv ing thrOugh.-ChicagO Tribune.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Troublesome.

What's your objection to that young man?"
 Hes too ambitious" answered the political manager. "I don't want him to figure in any more elections. He insists on being the whole ticket in stead of merely a coupon" n."-Washing- ton Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

There is a rumor that the typewriter is to be gradually adopted for polite correspondence. Heaven speed the day -or else make legible handwriting the fashion
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Why He Is Tired.

"Jenks looks weary of late. Have you noticed it?'
 ''Yes. His boy is getting old enough to want him t0 explain things"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Yes" was the answer, with great
Meant What He Said.

PenelOpe-Your friend Miss Fussan- feather is so indiscreet in the selection of terms.
 Patrice-Why so?
 q asked her if there was crush at Mrs. Flirt's reception, and she said she never saw so much mashing in her life. e."-Yonkers Statesman.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

The expression fin de siecle is misap- piled when used in connection with the Dreyfus case. It belongs apparently as much to the next century as to this.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Opportunities.
the Filipino,

You say your territory consists Of a great many islandsg' said the Ameri- can politician.
 Yes" answered the Filipino.
 "And these are all separated by chan nels of water, of cOurse?"
 Yes"
 And you don't want to come into this country? Why, you're foolish. Think of the chance you'd have at a river and harbOr billr-WashingtOn Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

The New York Sun remarks ambig- uously that mo man is too old to be a bachelor" It Is. however, sometimes too late for him to be one.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

The rye whisky combine will proba- ply be followed by a strong advance in the headache market
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Proof Positive.

Uncle GeOrge-SO you really think you love the girl?
 Harry-Love her? Why, I actually enjoy her mothers cOmpany.-Boston Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
1.-TWO Off for Cash. .n
Out of Their Element There.

Mrs. Snaggs-Isn't it odd that for tune-te tellers are not able to predict and avoid dangers which threaten them.
 Mir. Snaggs-Not at all As I under stand 1t. they do not pretend to be mis- fortune teiiers.-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

A coffinmakers' combine is the latest accession. It is doubtful if the pro- moters have any trust beyond the grave.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
Ought to Guess It.

eff you could have just one wish gratified, what woulal i"
 "Well, since Pm aarried man, I don't see why you fssf called upon to fire that kind Of q question at me"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

A cynic is a man who pretends to be tired of the world, but in reality he Is a man of whom the world is tired.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

Adam had the earth at one time. His experience should be a warning to those people who want it now.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

The account of Pennsylvania feline that smokes and tipples reads like a catfish story.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

The flint glass manufacturers will form a trust It will doubtless be a hard matter to deal with.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

War claims 100 years old have been presented at Washington. It Is grati- flying to find something that never says dfa
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
kIondike Troubles.

First-Getting little warm; I see the mercury is up to 90 degrees below zero.
 SecOnd-Why, yes; if it keeps on we'll have those pesky mosquitoes back again.-EXchange
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

The man who fights and runs away may live to run another day.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY

The girls are growing anxious at not hearing from Lieut.. HobsOn.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20

Artist-Oh, well, might have known it. Rank opinions are the only kind you ever seem to have about anything.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
At the Art Exhibition.

Artist-What is your opinion of this water color of mine?
 Critic-Rank
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
It was pretty close
Strange Girl,

But was won by a neck.-New York News.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1899-08-24
KRUGER S ANSWER.
CONTENTS OF TRANNAAL'S RE-
PLY TO CHAMBERLAIN.
Desired Political PRIVILEGES to BE Ex-
tended 10 the Euglishmen in the
Beers Country.

London, Aug, lS.-The Daily Nails
Johannesburg correspondent says; Il
learn that replying to the proposal OF
Chamberlain the fransvaal govern
mcnt will intimate a Willingness to
grant five year simple franchises and
extension ot representation in The gold
fields to one-tourth OF The volks-
aad thus exceeding the one
NTH demanded Gy Miluer and
rendering an inquiry into tho
present franchise law unnecessary.
Nothing will be demanded in return Tor
these concessions, but the suggestion
will be made that the Imperial govern
snent should grant something rectpro-
cal This apparent surrender must,
however, He received With caution.
Unless new laws are enacted and prop
erty secured by c0ecmal guards they
may only be intended to grant
shadow Of reforms placing Great Bri-
tain NJ disadvantage.
The correspondents of the Times aud
the Standard Al Johannesburg confirm
the stattruent az The correspondent of
the Mail, asserting that tho new
scheme Of The Transvaal executive Is
said to be the result ot deliberations
between Pretoria, Rloemfontcn and
African politicians at Cape Town, Tho
Johannesburg correspondent az tho
Post says; 1T Is stated on all hands
that tho Roers In and outside the dis-
trict are threatening that In event OF
war they viii kill all Englshmon. All
hurghers in the Krugeu BORT district
have been warned to be ready for the
| field at a moment q notice.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1899-08-24
THE VALUE OF HAITI.

The mention of Cuba reminds me
that every business man | talked with,
whether a native or a foreigner, eX-
pressed the greatest regret that this
island was not included with Cuba and
Puerto Rico. AS one of the leading
politicians of the island put the case
a short time ago: Uncle Sam is en-
largng his kitchen; he is getting a
place ready for another pot; he has
Cuba for one leg, Puerto Rico for an
other, and the third must go on this
island. 1t is we'll for us all to look the
situation fairly in the face" The
reader will remember that rice and
beans cooked in a three-legged pot
compose the national dish of the
Hatans. Haiti would undoubtedly
be an acquisition. 1t is marvellous
ly fertile island, inhabited by docile
but unambitious race, who, with steady
government and rights assured, would
develop into good citizens. 1t Is a
country free from the pest that gen.
orally infest the tropics. During my
residence | saw only three snakes
They were between five and six feet
long and about one inch thick-per-
fectly harmless; there Is not poison
Gus snake on the island | saw one
scorpion, which a Haitian crushed to
death with his naked foot; there were
no flies to speak of. and | never re-
CURED mosquito-net day or night,
The climate is healthy, with the ex-
ception of one or two small places,
which could be easily made perfectly
livable with ordinary sanitary pre-
cautions. You can have your choice
of climate. In some places you are
never warm and in others you can
never get cool. The cloudless blue sky
is an unknown quantity, as far as my
experience was concerned. The heav
ems are filled with floating clouds
beautiful in form, and in color like
opals-an ever-changing beauty
Harper's Magazine.