Mesa free press., 1899-06-16

wrote little Lucy, VINO was away on a
visit, "but have been eating ONIONS"
AS the course of true love never runs
smooth, it is supposed that there will!
always be plenty Of friction matches
in the world.
"Porter, can 1 take this train on t.:
LiverpoolY "Well. you can hev try
miss; but in gen'ral we uses the in
j'nn." ALLY Sloper.
She--I hope you can come next
Thursday. We're having some music,
and supper after. He-Oh, yes, I'll
come; but-er-I may be late!
'Why is this called Lent? l Sc
Tommy Tucker has raised his hand
Why is it, Tommy?' "'Cause it's to
hard to keep. Chicago Tribune.
The Idler-What became of that cat
tie car you invented? The Inventor.
couldn't get the railroads to take any
stock in it.-Cincinnati Enquirer:
Papa" said Benny Bloobumper,
"why are days of grace allowed on 6
note" ''To avoid weeks of disgrace ;.
replied Mr.. Bloobumper.-Judge.
George-Do you think that your faith
er will consent to our marriage, dar-
ling? Ethel--Oh, yes! He has always
humored my silliest wishes.-Brooklyn
Life.
Mistress-Mary, how was it l saw
you treating your friends to my cake
and fruit? Mary-I can't tell, ma'am
for the loife of me, for I'm shure | COW
cred the keyhole!
"Jane, did you break the china
platter? "Yes'm. You got fooled on
that plate, mum. It's weak un. 1t
broke the fourth time dropped it,
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"How do you do, Miss Leslie? So
awfully glad to see you again. So very
sorry you wern't at Lady Browns
dance last night. There positively was
not one pretty girl in the ROOM" Il
am not Miss Leslie. But 1 was at Lady
Browns dance last night"
Professionals. Oar, this is an exam.
pie in subtraction. Seven boys went
down to the river to battle, but two Of
them had been told not to go in the
water. Now, can you tell me how
many went in? Oar-Yes, sir; seven.
Michigan University Wrinkle.
BILLY, you have no use for your
classical education now that you are
married" "Well-you're away off.
use my college yell on the baby every
night" "On your baby? What good
does that do?" "Why, lots Of good; it
makes him scream for his mother like
mad."-Detroit Free Press.
Anxious Mamma-Yes, Mr.. Lakeside,
the fact is have three daughters who
ought to be settled In life. Is this West
ern friend of yours marrying man!
Mr.. Lakeside, of Chicago-Not to any
great extent, mum. I'm afraid he
wouldn't want to take more than one
Of 'em.-New York Weekly.
"Its too bad" said discouraged
looking Spanish soldier, "that we didn't
get those mules that were to be shipped
to u.s." what difference does that
makeY "Td kind of like to go into
battle on a mule. They say mule is
about as likely to go backward as he
is to go forward" washington Star.
No Escape.-Mrs. Chinner-Ernest-
inc, my darling, do you expect Con-
slant tonight? Ernestine-Of course,
mamma. Why do you inquire? Mrs.
Chinner-If he asks you to marry him
tell him to come and speak to me. Err
nestine-And if he doesn't ask me
Mrs. Chinner-Tell him am coming to
speak to him.-Brooklyn Life.
Doctor-Your husband must have
complete rest. Wife, know it. talk
to him seven or eight hours every day
so as to keep his mind off of business.
Doctor-On second thought madam, |
conclude that the one chance for your
husband is to take him to the hospital,
with instructions that no one but the
trained nurse and myself be admitted.
Detroit Free Press.
"Now, Bobbie," said the teacher,
"spell pipe" "P-i-p-e," said Bobbie.
Teacher-That's right. Now, tell me
something about pipes. what do peo-
Die do with them? "Well," said Bob
bic. "some boys blow bubbles with
them; plumbers put them in; Scotch
men blow music out of them; the Ger
mans make them; and my father
smokes them, and break them. 1t all
depends on the kind of pipes you want
me to tell you about" replied Bobbie.
officer Ito new servant)-Murphy,
have left my mess-boots out this MORN
Ing. l want them soled. Private Muir
phy-Very good, sor Officer Cater in
the day)-Did you take those boots,
Murphy? Private Murphy Feeling In
his pocket and putting on the table
eighteen pence)-Yes, sor; and that's all
| could get for them. The corporal who
bought them said he would have given
two shillings had it been payday. Col
lapse of officer -Tit-Bi