The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-11-19
mr.. BoWskR TACKLES HISTORY.
Gets BADLY worsted and VIII Not Respond
to the Toast, "Our Country"

to the Toast, "Our Country
Copyright. 1909. BY G D. L,wt..
| Mr.. Bowser's face had a new look on II when
he came home to dinner the other evenings
combination Of hope. fear. triumph and per-
plexity. and Mrs Bowser was puzzled over 1t.
He was Ill at ease oil through dinner. and IL
was quarter Of an hour after the meal had
been concluded before ne said:
! Il might as well tell you now that am going
to the club tomorrow night. 1t will be an an
niversary gathering and banquet"
We'll, hope you'll have a good time" re-
piled Mrs. Bowser
Yes. I expect to. At tho banquet they will
have toasts, you know. They've got me down
: to respond to one"
why. I'm plensed at that. What is tho
toast2"
IT'S Our Country I've been writing out
! something to-day for . response. and I think
, I've got rather neat thing. don't expect to
! bring down the house OF course. but perhaps
III size up with the rest OF 'em. I shall bo a
little nervous. l suppose. hut I've got to 60
/ through with It Just the same"
; Il am sure you will do splendidly." said Mrs.
! Bowser In confident tones. Il want to hear It.
and II will be we'll for you to see II you have II
( committed to memory. Just stand there as II
! you Ind risen from the banquet table and mako
| the response"
| Mr.. Bowser drew himself MP. cleared his
| throat. and after oaressing his ear q few Soc
onds no began:
Our Country. Little did Christopher Co
lumbus imagine whom no set sail from the
shores OF Spain In 1904 what would bo the
| result---"
| Wait. dear" interrupted Mrs. Bowser. You
are first supposed to bow to the president OF
the club. aren't your
| Certainly. and / bowed. I also carried my
hand to my heart as bowed"
But you didn't dear. You raised your left
| hand to your right side"
| Il deny II, but we'll lot that TO-"
And Columbus didn't set sail in tho year
1894. but In 1902 You must have tho date
correct"
What You say It was In 1922" exclaimed
Mr. Bowser as the strawberry color rushed to
.''oi course 1t was"
II don't he ieye II. but will look Il up later
on r Well. what I'm going 70 say is that band
That's right"
| And they landed In Boston"
II say il was Boston :, shouted Mr. Mr. i,owser.
out 70 correct my dates you are going alto.
E" sS 100 i,r ind want , no more o, II
to throw the tea oyorposrd IL Bostcn Saro s
tea overheard" gently insisted Mrs. Bowse n.
nal Az said sn you are little rusty on history
Il remsm her II was the Pilgrims Let any
AMI III lex him ont Of his boots 30 You tSinf
n get up before my c,go and say II was the
neIt week with your nose in a history
enee 10 your roplyi" asked Mrs. Bowser after
of course i, have" he erowled in reply
Thrs what delcnd upon for a hit, but
70 say tha, a lI:tle band Of patriots, headed 10y
created new nation. You'll deny Il W Won't
Put .Ru. yon see Washington didn't sign the
.ocS b What par: ySu &: ,noTs ard make
school school S shi,t VII tell you that Washington
r"iJ ,a;; ! win &c. down q history Of the
You havs 20, John Hancock and George Wash:
ing,9n mixed up"
trouble Yourself about getting down a history.
am h rs i, s91G s,s whs don't knoy
ss i S up George n9 Ssa teach Sa
John Hancock. do you take me To- an IDIOT
v %Sm,n' you sTs mn!ie'ou.Iy determined 70
Wns. else do you say abou, Our countryr"
After ! lime ,5cx We fought; England and
pcImnHy anu MeNlco 10 tHe last alton ana
gained our independence as nation. Then /
But you don't say that we fought Cor
many" interrupted IRIS. Bowser.
say I'm . %Is.a up q z, 'h Fay..r
AVA with Germany, History will tell YOU
History Historv!" he shouted as he waved
hs arms about and looked around for somp-
,hlns 70 kick at, what DO care about history?
settles It. don'tit' | can now realize why hus.
bands sometimes murder their wives in cold
When J., was this var"
But that was the breaking out OF the Revo-
lutionary War. and We were fighting England
alone. II you are going 10 speak before your
club you must have your facts and dates right
,'Or what'" he demanded as she hesItatei.
woman, am put down on the programme 10
respond to the toast OF Our Country | spend
DAY looking mp my facts. / get them down
fine. come home and ask you for your en-
CONFINEMENT, and am hit with fence rail a
heart TO have me succeed"
Why Mr. Bowser. how can you"
will he Ions bSt VII del 05 Yen sa
hanged! The banquet be hangedi Our coun-
try be hanged l shall not respond. Instead
Of going to the banquet and winning applause,
VIII 60 to q saloon and get drunk and lick tho
bar endrrW
But. l said"-
Yes, you said. You neal say no moro I
am going TO the library TO look over certain
papers and arrange them for my lawyer. and
snouli ANYBODY call you can say thai George
Washington. John Hancock. our country and
your vic, arc all tied up in "a knot and can't
be seen before tomorrow