The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-12-24
l he Warm 6Orn6r.
FOR MEN ONLY.)

When DR.. Smith succeeds in getting
women out Of their jobs, it is Hoped that
he will begin with the Ladies' Symphony
orchestra.
A man in England has made the STAR
ting discovery that deeds Of violence and
suicides are more frequent in bright
weather, while mistakes in figures han
pen oftener in damp, rainy weather. The
first part Of this statement NAV exnIafn
why we are so troubled with burglars
and their ilk. The combination of the
present bright weather with blind police
force makes the outlook anything but
promising.
what they want in their stockings:
Your Mayor-A lodge in some vast will
derness
The Pioneer Press-English victories.
The Dispatch-A sense of humor.
J. j. McCardy-A thick skin.
Ique Lederer-Cold weather and carni-
val enthusiasm
S. G. Smith-'The Sorrows of Satan"
by Marie Corellf
Mr.. .Pottgfeser-Peace in the family.
M N. Goss-To know where he is at.
The Civic League-As big a. pull with
the next mayor as it has with this one.
Inc Commercial Club-Lots Of funerals
In Minneapolis before census time
The School Board-More money.
a young man in St. Louis who desired
to give all his money to the poor was
iockea up for insanity. Somebody left
MIN $l,0O,O00, and he declared that he
wanted to be a true follower of Christ
who said: Sell all thou hast and give
TO the poor" But that does not go in
the nineteenth century, and the Judge
VINO sent the crazy young man to be
examined for insanity evidently thought
that business Is one thing and religion
another.
Every man agonizes Christmas Tina
over the things that women give him
II they only could know how men hate
aIl the embroidered monstrosities and i'm
possible Jewelry that make them curse
their grandmothers What good is
white satin cushion embroidered In gold
to the average man; tell US that? What
can man do with light blue suspenders
hOles2
What can he do with gun metal cigar
case that is so big that it makes q lunD
on him2
Why can't a woman give fellow some
thing he can use without fear Of being
.guyed by the boys? Why can't woman
learn little sense; but what's the use
Of asking that.
Somebody said to the Chicago Times
Herald: 'Then there will not be two
more Christmases before the twentieth
century," to which 1t replies: mot on
your Ammo Domiui."
She held up gilt ball full of pins, and
said to the clerk: do you think he
will like that?"
'Oh I think he'll lose it." replied tho
young man who knew his business
A Chicago paper has made tho interest
ing discovery that Washington was not
only first in war and in peace. but the
first American to wear and suffer false
teeth.
Sss
Chrysanthemums are no longer popular
In Mankato, and the reason thereof is
the following unfortunate occurrence: A
popular young man Of the town men
toned recently died, and his friends re-
Numbering that he was particularly fond
of chrysanthemums decided to attend
the funeral In body, each with a large
white one In his buttonhole. Not finding
that variety in Mankato, they tele-
graphed to ST. Paul and received an
|
! on the morning train Now it happened
that this train arrived just twenty min
utes before the hour set for the funeral.
So 1t was agreed that one Of the young
men should meet the train, procure the
box of flowers and rush up to the
church door where the others should be
in waiting The programme was carried
out to the letter, but having omitted to
mention what color they desired, the
florist had sert red ones Hence, when
the friends of the deceased walked up
the aisle each with flaming red chrys-
antbemum in his coat, they made
sensation, and have been engaged ever
since in explaining.
A train robber recently showed that men
Of that stripe have hearts, after all. He
started in to hold up a sleeping car, but
found that some of the passengers had
SO little money that, as he remarked after
wards, he could not understand how they
could afford TO travel. and his heart was
SO moved to pity that he took up a col
| lection on the spot.
Oh, the happy carnival days If there
Is anything that was needed to complete
the Joy of the st. Paul burglar 1t is a car
nival, when every one runs down town
in the evening to see the paradeS, leav
ing the homes to the mercy If the merry
housebreaker. 1t would be worth all
the trouble to see your mayor, Albert
Berg, Lou Wilkes and George r. Finch
in their glad clothes. One feature that
is being talked up is procession of the
police department, each with O warrant
! for living-in his hand. There has been
general demand to see the police depart
ment and 1t would be a clever stroke on
the part of the administration to pro-
duce 1t.
A young woman In Wilmington, Del,
was so anxious to give Christmas pres.
ents to her Sunday school class that she
started on a shoplifting expedition. 1t Is
wonderful how much religious zeal some
persons have. Reggie.