The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1899-01-20
PARLIAMENTARY ORAToRY.
isx-Doorkeeper of the Mouse
of Commons.

When Simpkinson had been in retire
ment some six months or so strange
rumors began to be whispered about
among those members who had known
him best. When his name was men-
toned men would look at each other
searchingly, as if asking: Are you
in the know?" Or they would retire
mysteriously to secluded corners,
where they raised their eyebrows,
whistled softly, and, in word, signitied
their surprise in the usual manner.
The fact is, Simpkinson had
begun to give private lessons in parlia-
mentary oratory to new members and
to others who had never acquired the
art. No mere candidates were received
on any preteXt whatever. Indeed, his
pupils had to produce evidence that
they had signed the roll and taken their
seats before they were admitted to
the Simpkinson sanctum. When once
these preliminaries had been satsfac-
torly settled Mr.. Smpkinson wei
coined his honorable friends with
courtly urbanity worthy of Mr. Speak
er himself
From repeated conversations | have
had with a few of those who do not
mind owning that they have sat at the
feet of Simpkinson, it is evident that
his course of instruction, followed fixed
and definite lines and varied but little.
He would begin: "You will soon find that
-haf eae- in,
the house of commons, while every
thing depends on how you say It. Ac-
quiring what is known as the house OF
commons style is more than half the
battle Give 'em plenty of hum and
'haw;' to 'er, 'er,' is human, you know
he would invariably laugh at this an
cient little jest, though he had made il
a hundred times. He had great success
in this part of his tuition, and the one
instruction which all his pupils faith
fully carried out was contained in the
| hint that the house of commons was al
ways impressed when speaker did not
| appear to know what he was talking
about, and had no notion what to say
next.
Having thus grounded the beginner
in the first principles of house of com
mons DISQUALIFICATION a little stam-
mering, endless repetition, reason
able amount of self-contradiction and
any amount of "hum" and "haw"-Mr.
Simpkinson would proceed to teach a
few of the more necessary formulae.
How and when to remark: II venture
to say" or Il have yet to learn lead
ing up by many subtle gradation to
| that final climax reserved for very spe-
| cial occasions: Il even go so far as to
venture to think"-all this was care
| fully explained. "All this sort of
thing" he would say, may seem triv-
| ial to a stranger. but it makes all the
difference between success and fail
ure in the house. For instance, if you
were to ask point blank: Will any
man affirm that two and two make
| four?' most likely some member would
call out: Yes But if you put il like
this: will any man come down to the
house. and stand up IN his place and
venture 70 say that two and two make
four" they'll all sit mum. 1t impresses
| 'em;I don't know why, but it does.
! Again, supposing you say something
which is not quite accurate-you know
| what / mean-and the other side calls
out: oh, OH all you have to do is to
turn to your men and say very indig-
nantly: 4 am within the recollection
of the house, and if your side knows It's
business it will cheer like mad.
| Windsor Magazine.