Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-03-15


The little Cherman band,
And dudes
And flowers
Are blooming just the same,
For spring
Sweet spring.
Apparently has came,
Detroit Free Press.
lie was an American citizen. and a bit
yalnglorious, and he was talking to an
Englishman, who had a wit of his own,
despite reports to the contrary. says the
" aShlngton Star. The recent achieve
mentS of Uncle Sam in various localities
constituted the subject Of conversation,
and the Yankee fairly bulged out with
pride.
Il am free American. [ am he said,
Slapping his manly bosom, though there
was no especial occasion for such a DEM
onStration.
L fancy not" responded the English
man IN tone that sounded as if he knew
what he was talking about.
The Yankee resented it with prompt
ness and dispatch.
I'D like to know, sir. why | am not %
he exclaimed. with the color Of wrath
rising to his face.
You are married, aren't your
Yes
And to an Americana
Yes"
well, that settles it in my mind. I've
got an American woman for a wife my
self"
The Yankee smiled, stuck out his hand
and said he thought it was about time
for them to organize an Anglo-American
alliance not entirely for commercial pur-
poses.
CalIer-''I sent you poem about three
weeks ago. What have you done with
it,"
Editor-..I'm holdins it. Every now
and again | think that we are not get
ting out as good a paper as we ought
TO, and then | take that poem and see
how much worse the sheet might be, and
that makes me cheerful again. Come,
now, how much Il you take for it?'-
Pearson's Weekly.
Ecclesiastical Curiosities,' edited by
William Andrews, contains Il paper on
Curious Announcements in Church."
from which the following are extracts:
Next Sawbath," said Il worthy Scotch
beadle. we shall have no SaWbath, for
the minister's house is having spring
cleaning, and as the weather is very bad
the minister's wife wants the kirk to
dry things in" Next Sunday" de
clared the uncOnsciously- Welsh
man, ''there'll be no Sunday, as we're
going to whiteWash the church with yell
lew ochre." Ii another paper the writer
prejudice against being buried on the
north side Of the church. An aged par
lshiOner III his dying hour emphasized
the request that he should be buried ''on
the south side, and when the question
was asked why such a strong objection
was held 10 the north side OF the church,
the strange explanation came: The left
side of Christ, sir! We don't like to be
counted among the goatsn'
TO-
First Young Woman-''Let's see; who
wrote 'Pickwick Papers?''
Second Ditto-"Dickens'
(The Lie) ,'Of course. l couldn't for
the moment think of his name"
THE Trap.) He was the author Of
.Pendennis' and Under Two Flags, you
know"
(Caught) ''Oh, yes, 1 know.'-Boston
Transcript.
a little 4-year-old occupied an upper
berth III the sleeping car Of the Scotch
express. Awakening once III the middle
Of the night his mother asked him if he
knew where he was. ''Tourse [ do he
replied; I'm in the top drawer. House
hold Words.
At Seeley's inaugural lecture as profess
sor Of history-Seeley succeeded Charles
kingsley in that chair-the late Or.
IhOmpSon's only remark was: We'll
we'll [ did not think we could SO soon
have had occasion to regret poor Kings
ley" To a gushing adInirer who said that
a certain popular preacher had 50 much
taste: "Oh, yes; SO very much, and all so
very bad" His hit at the present chief
secretary for Ireland, when he was a
Junior fellow for Trinity, is classical:
I'VE are none of US infalliofe; not even
the youngest of us But it REQUIRES IN
eye witness of the scene to DO justice to
the eXOrdium Of the Masters sermon Oh
the parable of the talents addressed in
Trinity chapel to what considers itself
the cieverest congregation in the world:
1t would be obviously superfluous in Il
congregation such as that which [ NOW
address to eXpatiate on the responsibility
Of those who have five, or even two, tai
entS. | shall, therefore, confine my OBJ
servations to the more ordinary case Of
those who have one talent"
My first play" said the successful
playbuilder, contained both plot and
Il moral 1t was just moderate sue
cess But you have done immense
business with your succeeding ones
said the admiring friend. Sure. The
rest of them | put together with neither
plot nor morals. indianapolis journal.
A Partisan journal says that the fol-
lowing peculiar official document. written
in the flowing hand of the postmaster,
has been displayed outside of a rural
postoffice IN France for ten years or
more:
+. .
Notice
Hours of Collection.
First Collection i'll Summer,
Morning 1T five O'Clock.
In Winter, the Night before