The pioneer press. (Miller, Hand County, S.D.) 1893-190?, 1899-11-23

| commission OF my name; she was not
| going TO have her money squandered
! on scientific researches, which always
ended in smoke. Science, indeed"
her letter ended. why you might as
well have taken to looking for the
! North Pole or even literature!
! Finding my resolution unalterable-
| for one of my few good points is that
| | do not turn back-I was, however,
! soon given up by the whole family as
an irreclaimable ne'er-do-well, and II
was, believe, even limited among them
| that / was not altogether responsible
for my actions. At any rate, the rumor
did get round, and whether it was ow-
| ing to this or TO the fact that l could
no longer be looked upon as an in
dividual who was likely to make
money, l soon noticed a decided change
in the manner OF my acquaintance,
professional and lay, toward me. Be-
fore, their attitude had at least been
respectful; now it was, IL not con-
temptuous, at least tinged with SUI
perior pity.
Well, | put up with it all humbly
enough, but now that my position is
such that these very people who have
treated me with contumely for so many
years, go about and boast of their in
timacy with me, and are even so kind
as to supply the papers with the sup
posed details Of my private life, l will
confess that the pill was a bitter one
for me to swallow. Not that | was al
together without comfort, family fore
seeing the hour of trump that has
come.
Besides, even when we must perforce
do worship to Mammon and bow the
knee to Baal, there are yet consola-
tons. 1t is something to feel with
the keen instinct which knows no err
ror that the minds of those contemptu-
Gus scoffers, who think so well of them
selves and so i'll of you, are to your
mind as the ditch-mud is to the mir
ror rejecting heavens own light; that
in you there dwells a spark of the
glorious creative fire of which they
know nothing, and cannot even under
stand; and that they, the rich, the re-
spected, the prosperous and unctuously
happy, are as far beneath you, whom
they despise as an unsuccessful dream
er, in all that really tends to make a
man divine, as their dogs and horses
are beneath them.
That was how l thought in those
days, and think so still, though now
that 1t is showered in upon me, l do
not care much for that worldwide
praise / used to covet in my bitterer
and more lonely moments, when i'm
minent failure seemed to press me
round like the darkness closing in. 1t
is too rank and too undiscerning. and
much of it is merely tribute to sue
cess and not to the brain and work that
won it.
difficulty, being human, l felt all this
neglect of which have striven to show
the color, pretty sharply, and though l
submitted, and was perfectly able to
analyze its causes, it gave my mind a
misanthropic turn, from which 1t has
never quite recovered, for the worlds
adulation can never atone for the
worlds contempt, or even for the neg
lect of those around us who make our
world. And thus as time went on /
gradually acquired a greater and
greater dislike to mixing in society,
and began to attach myself more and
more to my studies and to Fanny, who
became by degrees the only person
that l thoroughly trusted and relied
on the world.
When my dear wife had been dead
eighteen months, it occurred to me
that there were inconvenience attach
ing to our mode of life, and that il she
saw matters in the same light, it would
be well to draw the bond of friendship
and affection yet closer by marriage.
Not that / was in love with Fanny
Dennelly in the sense in which the
term Is generally used. Indeed, 1t was
one of her great charms in my eyes
that it seemed possible to live on the
terms of the closest friendship and
affection with her without any nonsense
of the sort being imported into the in
timacy, either on one side or the other.
Also, as far as l was concerned, had
buried all passion of that kind with
my dear wife, and my speculations oc-
cupied my mind far too entirely to
allow of the entry into it of any of
those degrading limitations to which
imaginative and intelligent men are,
oddly enough, especially liable If they
are not very hard worked, probably on
account of the greater irritability and
sensitiveness of their brains.
What looked forward to In marry
ing Fanny Denelly was reasonable
and sensible companionship, entered
into for the comfort of congenial So