davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
q Great Torpedo ,con1 l,,l,.,,I 7.

During the visit Of the mem hers OF
parliament to Portsmouth !, naval Ga.
Ger told an amusing story Of last years
naval maneuvers. While the warships
were stationed in Lc:gh Foyle there
was an alarm Of Il :orpedo attack ali
night. Instantly he guns opened fro
and blazed away t the torpedo boat.
The next morning the admiral request
ed each captain to sena in a report Of
the number of torpedo boats he had
seen and the quantity Of ammunltion
he had expended. The reports were in.
teresting Some officers had seen sic
torpedo boats, some four, others three
and others two. Only one captain de-
clared that he had seen no torpedo
boat and had fired no shot. The others.
however, had used an enormous guam
tity Of ammunition. It turned out that
there had not been a torpedo boat
within thirty miles Of the Tough, and
the torpedo boats seen from the ships
were in truth single coal barge.-Lon-
don World.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
The Old Salt Doctor :
from the World-Herald omaha.

rom the World-Herald Omaha. Neb
MI. William c.. Hart, fayorabIy
known among his friends and acquaint-
ances as THE Old Salt Doctor" is
probably the most familiar character
u the vicinity Of Twenty-fourth and
FRANKLIN streets, Omaha, Nebraska.
Mr.. Hart is now over 80.
An interesting history of his recov
from common malady follows:
= nttle over five years ago became
,cteo with a malady, the name Of
mn!cn l 90 not know. My family have
Deen troubled the same when they ar
!aveu at my age, and they said T was
on tue same road and that there was
~ cure Tor me. The symptoms were.
ol'1zlness, loss Of memory, and an utter
PRESERVATION Of the nerves. The most no.
taole trouble was a swimming of the
Aeao, when came in from a walk or
was out standing in the sun or doing
any Kind Of exercise at all. When
would SIT down, my head would swim
ana everything would dance before NV
eyes, and would become SO dizzy that
would have to hold to a chair to keen
from falling; or If were sitting down
ana got up suddenly, everything would
Wn1r1 before me, and I would have to
holo TO the chair for some little time:
my memory was SO poor that it was diff
ncult Tor me to remember some of nv
pest friends. This state of things con-
tlnued Tor about a year and half, and
Kept getting worse and worse; could
not remember anything, and my head
was Ia constant whirl; everything
swan before me SO that life was really
miserable.
"On the recommendation of some
friends. went to my druggist, Mr.
Shrader, on Twenty-fourth and Clark
streets. and got "a box Of Pink Pills for
trial, and after taking few doses I
began to feel the effects and found
that they were doing me good. When
the first box was gone I got another
and another until had taken four
And now, although my memory is not
so good as it was forty years ago, it
Is greatly improved, and is better than
many mems memory that are much
younger than I; my dizziness is entire
~ gone, and my nerves are strong as
they were ten years ago, and DR.. Will
uams' Pink Pills did it too."
DR.. Williams Pink Pills for Pale
People are now given to the public as
an unfailing blood builder and nerve
restorer, curing all forms Of weakness
arising from watery condition Of the
blood or shattered nerves. The pills
are sold by all dealers, or will be sent
postpaid on receipt of price, 80 cents
a box, or six boxes for $3.50 (they are
never sold in bulk or by the 1907, by
addressing DR.. Williams Medicine Co.,
Schenectady, N. Y.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Information
that Informs.
GladneSS Comes

If you are going East-or South
and want to know what the trip
will cost, when you will reach your
destination, and why you should
take 1.-THE Burlington" to Chicago,
Peoria, St. Louis and Kansas City,
write to w. ]. c. Kenyon, G. F. &
A. A., St. Paul, MIMI, and you will
receive by return mail letter telling
JUST EXACTLY what you
want to know. Reclining Chair
Cars seats free; Pullman Compart-
nent and Standard slecpers; Dining
Cars serving meals from rs cents
up-the combination makes comfort
sure, and it will SUIT YOU.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
NM
NDI re ~ Is
'nyeR
,|l'!' !.
It Was Auburn.
A San Rafael mother, with hair of

A San Rafael mother, with hair Of
Titan hue, found it necessary to cor
rect one of her little boys for some trt-
fling misdemeanoI, the other day. He
Dok his scolding with a very bad grace,
and walked sullenly away, muttering
his opinion Of red-haired peopl Elm gen.
eral and his mother in particular. FIe
was called back and punished for his
sauciness. - -.
Now" said the mother, "don't let
me ever hear you say that I>havc red
aair again. 1t is not red-it is auburn"
Yesterday the lady asked another Of
her boys to go to the house and get her
parasol.
(Which one, mamma?' he asked.
s"The red cne?"
"Ooh:" exclaimed the younger broth
er. who had been punished. you
mustn't say mammals red parasol.'
It is mammals auburn parasol.' '-San
Francisco Post.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Patents Issued.
List OF patents issued this week to

List Of patents issued this week to
rthWestern inventors: III
Peter j. Caesar, Duluth, Mimi, COM
5bined cigar cutter and lighter; James
5. Holt and w. w. Eldred, Seattle,
Wash. suspcnders; William H.Knautz,
Blue Earth City, MINI, display device;
Homer S. Smytlc. Woonsocket, s. D.,
Buggy wrench; William j. Woods, Min
neapolis. Mimi, dough kneader; John
3. Paul, Pipestone. Mont, frade-mark)
mineral waters and medicinal prepar-
atoms containing the same; Chris
knudson, Port Townsend, WASH, (de-
sign) guitar.
Z. D. Merwia, Patent Lawyer, go,
oil and 912 Pioneer Press Building,
st. Paul, MINI.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Agents Wanted.

The Home Life Insurance company of
New York issues the most attractive poll
cies of any old line company. The cash
value and loaning privileges eaci year are
plainly guaranteed in the policy. An ener.
getic, live man, we'll acquainted, Is desired
as local agent. Special territory and
liberal contract will be given. References
required. Address or call on Fred f.
LOOMS. general manager, 306-9 Pioneer
Press building, st. Paul.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
A Mitirattnr Circumstance

"Birdie," said Jennie Chaftie to her
bosom friend, don't you think Mr.
Bald a handsome man?''
-"Oh, no" replied Birdie; II can't en-
dure his looks He is awfully home
sly." q;
"Well, he is fortunate, anyhow, for
an old aunt has just died and left him
$4,000"
lis that sop replied Birdie. "Well,
now, since come to recollect, there is
a certain noble air about him; and he
has fine figure-that can't be denied"
Texas Siftings.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
A False Report,

Birmingha!n-I hear that young Mr..
Hilltop is studying for the ministry.
Manchester-That must be false re-
port.
"Some one certainly told me that he
was a divinity student"
THAT may be. The pretty Miss
Northside is the divinity, and he is
very faithful in his OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
burg Chronicle Telegraph.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
The AdYautarea

Tomdix-Where are you going to
send your son to school?
Howso-To some good agricultural
college.
Tomdf1-Why an agricultural col
lego?
Howso-1 take it that an agricultural
college possesses superior facilities for
sowing wild oats.--Washington Times.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Knew PuEs.

II don't see why you are so proud Of
that pug of yours, Beetles. He's the
Stupidest beast I ever saw
'That's the point, my boy. Tie stu
pider a pug is the more intense his
merit as pug. You might as well ex-
pect a dachsund to have table legs as
to look for wit in a pug dog."-Harp-
er'S Bazaar.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Liberal.

Dealer-I want you to understand
just what this parrot is; I admit
that he will swear.
Customer-That's all right: I don't
want a parrot that is any better. than
am.-New York Town Topics.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
A Growing Field.

Brown-I see that over 100 new doc
tors were added to the profession last
night. I wonder what they will all do ::
Smith-Get people excused from jury
duty-Brooklyn Life.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

Experienced Father The difference
between them, ny son. Is that one
writes for glory, the other for cash. Z
Inqniring SonAnd they have moth
ing in common? .
Experienced Father One thing, only:
that neither gets what he's after. New
York Truth. .:1# ii {.
Probably Chicagoan. 4
"A meteor covering ten acres fell
last night .-...
''Astonishingv' S..
ssFact.And feller's laid claim to it.
hired surveyors, and is sellin' off heav-
emily lots at 81, 900 a front foot-''-At-
larta Constitution.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
mo, they are beneath me-"
CiviIiatiOn's Drawback

YES" answered the savage woman
sadly, fertilization has indeed brought
us woes. Rum? Yes, there's rum, and
then l never, until became civilized,
knew what it was to keep shirt and
shirt waist together behind"
Her lips trembled.
Yet destiny was writ and it was
vain to repine.-Detroit Tribune.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

know that my life was saved by Piso' 8
Cure for Consumption.-John A. Miller, Au
Sable, Mich, April 81, 1895.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
4 Mistake in the Victim.


II thought" said the colonel, start
ing back in surprise, as he met the
major, "that killed you at primary
election six months agoY
"Never more mistaken in your life,' -
replied the major, ''as you see for your
SELF"
The colonel stood wrapt in thought
for full minute Then he said:
"Could you enlighten me, major, as
to the identity Of the man I did kill p
LET me see," unused the major, II
had a near relative that looked like
me-"
"That is it!' exclaimed the colonel.
1T was the strong family resemblance
that caused me to make the mistake.
I knew it was either you or your
brother. How's politics in your neigh
borhood? "-Cnicago Tmes-Herald.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
More Desirable.

Client-Good morning, Mr.. Swell
plead; I've just received your bill for
getting me off in that assault and bat
terry case the other day.
MI. Swellplead-Ah, yes, to be sure.
Any further information I can give
you about it?
Client-Yes; I'd like to know if I
can change my mind and go to Jail in
stead.-New York Truth.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Trained Down.

Wickshire-You seem to he pretty
well trained since you got your wheel,
and yet never see you riding.
Mudge-1 don't have to ride 1t keeps
me thin worrying about the payments.
indianapolis Journal.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Rather Unsatisfactory.

Stranger Ito one-armed man)-Been
in the army, take it?
Complacent One-armed Man-Never
in my life.
MACHINERY, maybe?'
mo-"
''Wreck?"
''Never was in a wreck"
Five minutes silence.
BLOOD poisoning made it necessary
to amputate, maybe?"
mo"
Ever fight a duel?"
"Nevtr."
Ten minutes silence.
Finally the one-armed man spoke:
II see you are naturally curious to
know how I lost my arm. Well, will
tell you on one condition, viz, if you
will ask no further questions"
The assent was readily given.
"Well, sir, it was bit off."-Denver
Times.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Not Fully E0ufnned

Redhot Pete-Take ham in this DO
ker game, stranger?
Strange1-Excuse me, please.
Renhot Pete-No money, hey?
Stranger-Yes; but no gun.-Detroit
Free Press.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Comparatively Dry.

Comparatively Dry.
"This novel"
The weary reader at the summer re-
sort dropped the work Of fiction list
lcsSly to the earth.
us as dry-as dry-as-"
He scanned the horizon enthusiastic
cally for simife.
Suddenly his blue eye fell on the
group on the shore.
''As dry us the summer girls ba thing
costume!'
And the trembling shade of Bulwer-
Lytton emitted a ghostly shrek as it
was sunk once more into the dark
mold.-New York World.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

In 80 years the Spanish speaking people
Of the world have increased from &c, 100, 900
to 42,s0O,OOO.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

There is class of people, rational enough
maniacs in dosing themselves. They are
constantly trying experiments upon their
stomachs, their bowels, their livers and
their kidneys with trashy nostrums. When
these organs are really out of order, If
they would only use Hostetter's Stomach
Bitters they would, If not hopelessly in
sane, perceive it's superiority.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

Some naturalists say that no insects ex-
cept the silk worm feed upon the leaves of
the mulberry.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
A Lapsus Iiinruae

Della Ware-Yoc will remember me
when you are far away, Mr.. Galen?
Galen-Certainly; with pleasure
Buffalo Courier.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

If your clothier does not have the cele-
brated North Star Fur Coats and will not
order one for you, write Lanpher, Finch &
Skinner, st. Paul, and they will inform you
where you can get one. Remember, they are
guaranteed; If they prove defective they
will be repaired without charge.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

If tho Baby is Cutting Teeth.
Be sure nd use that old aud welltried remedy Mrs
WNsLow's SOOTHING SYRUP for Children Teethine
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

The first Roman Catholic camp meeting
held in America opened at Atlantic High
lands July 20, 1882. j III b.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

A New Haven young lady has Remark
able throat. She has whistling larynx,
lips. Few cases Of this kind are ever
known. I'M H.. lie NJ r. T. =
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
The Real Meaning.

Jayboy-I have an invitation to a
party down at Speiler hall tonight.
Gayboy-I'm better off than you;
have a special invitation.
Jayboy-What is the difference?
Gayboy-A special invitation means
that you will be asked to take some
thing Gazette.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Do You Want n Eur Coo<3

@003 vVS10C IL II uT COut3
You will find all makes of fur coats in
the market, but the North Star Fur Coat
will give you the best satisfaction. az thev
are guaranteed against any defects in work
mansh1p or skins for one year. Lanpher.
Finch & Skinner. st. Paul, MINI.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

1t Is said by Hebrew scholars that the
same word In ancient Hebrew signified
blessing or cursing.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
No Social Scale

II don't notice them at all. I don't
care what they do"
'No?'
''No, they are beneath me-"
'YesY
eyes. If their fiat was above me, Of
course it would be different
There was reason in things, not even
excluding an apartment house.-De-
troit Tribune.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Halls Catarrh Cure.
ls constitutional cure. Price. 75c.

The German and Spanish languages are
remarkable for one fact that every letter
has a uniform sound
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

"Johnnie, is your brother back at col
lege?' asked the girl who is deeply in
terested in the subject Of her inquiry.
NAV, he's quarterback" proudly
answered the youngster.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

FITS stopped free and permanently cured. No
dts after first days OF DR., Kline's Great Nerve
Restorer. Free g trial bottlo and treatise.
Send to DR. KLINE, 991 Arch St. Philadelphia, Pa.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

There were in 1901 100000 persons in the
United States who spoke French; there are
now over 100000.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

Women Buried With Military Hon
A woman known to have passed her
10th birthday recently died near
Douai, France. Her name was jose
phine Rostkowski, her maiden name
having been Mazurkiewicz, and she
was, born at Warsaw on March 10,
1854. She had been married to a cap
tain Of a Polish regiment, and With
MIN took part in great number of
battles Of the Napoleonic wars, during
one of which the regiment, on the roll
OF Which she was carried as assistant
surgeon, heavily outnumbered by the
foe, was almost wiped out of existence.
She was herself wounded several
times during her arduous duties, but
she remained in the hospital service of
the French army until after the Cri-
mean war, taking an active part, : lso,
In that campaign. She left the service
when II years old, and was retired
with full pay. She had had fifteen
children, twelve boys and three girls,
all born In Poland, and all Of them
dead now. For her valiant service in
the army she had been decorated with
the military cross Of Stanislaus, the
turkish Order Of the Medjidie and the
Cr1mean war medal. Nine. Rostkowski
was given a military funeral, which
was attended by many high military
officers.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

T.. Hewitt Key, and many other writer's
on the subject, attribute the invention of
language to- ADAM
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

An aluminium boat for sportsmen's use
has been made. 1t weighs but thirty
pounds, is fourteen feet long and will carry
two people.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Saved the Expenses.

C1HC
Did you tip the stewards when YOU
were coming back from Europe, Mi
serly?"
mo: The vessel did enough tipping
for all of us."-Detroit Free Press.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Out Of Gear.

First Jerseyite-1'm afraid my lawn
mower is ruined.
Second Jerseyite-Why?
First Jerseyite-A mosquito got
caught in it-Detroit Free Press.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Unwelcome Guests.

There were a couple Of fellows in
the hotel last night who shouldn't be
permitted to travel alone.''
What did they do? Blow out the
gasp" ...
"No, they blew out the safe door,
Cleveland Plain Dealer. ~
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
PrODer Caution

Mr.. Brown Seated beside stranger
in a cable car)-What time is it by
your watch, please?
Stranger-I don't know.
Mr.. Brown-But you just looked at
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

Mr.. Goodman-My little man, when
I was your age I didn't smoke the way
you do.
Slobsy-rll bet yer didn't. Why,
dere amt a kid in de ward dat kin in
hale like me.
A Sure Match. ~.
Seeker--Do you think Jowle'rs atten-
tons to Miss Fender will result in d
L atch? : ~ $s
Sagcman-Beyond a doubt. z.
Seeker don't see now you can fig
ure it out. The old mans unalterably
opposed to it, and was never known to
give in to any one. \. 2sS. s..z
Sageman-That's why / gay it will
result in match. He's obstinate and
determined. and so is fowler, and be-
fore they get through with it there
will be a s1ugging match, you can BET
on it-Boston Courier.
One Thing I'm Common.
1nquiring Son Pa, what iss@ the diff
ference between an amateur writer
and g professional?
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Can't Beat Texas

Old Texan Ito fellow traveller, a New
Englander)-Any news?
New Englander (who has just laid
down the paper)-Seems they've been
hanging a man in effgy. -. 49, --
Old Texan-That5sh ain't nuthin'; they
hanged three in N1Texerkanny yister-
day, all onter one gallers.-New York
Herald.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

she-How do you like my new hat?
He-First rate; makes you look
twenty years younger.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

Would Work Papa Then Instead,
Stern Parent--You say he is a
genius. Geniuses seldom amount to
much. ~ = = ST.,
Daughter-But, pa, he promises that
he will not work at it after we are
married.-Boston Transcript.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Marrted Htm For Ht. Mon

, Married Him For His Money.
Il notice the Lovematches have
started out badly
Trouble already? Tell me about
it." i s. Il fss.
ashe has begun making his shirts"
Chicago Record. d
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29

Stranger-Yes; I only wanted to see
if it was still there.-Clips.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
Rival Clnimnn,fs.

Chicagoan--By jove! sir, IL there's
ever war with England, well annex
Canada. IL
Friend TO Chicago, or merely to the
United States PUCK.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-04-29
ThOrOuEhly Posted

You say that Kehlspring is very IA
nliliar with the Bible ~ 49,
Oh, thoroughly posted. s He used IL
sell them, You kno ". Buffalo Times.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1899-09-15

iuuSt III lSOO Auu
served three years as chairman of the
committee oil returns and credentials,
and also three years as deputy grand
chancellor. Mr.. Martin filed the Office of
grand prelate for two terms and was
then advanced to grand vice chancellor
He WAS also first president of the board
of trustees uf the Pytbian home, of
which he was one of the foEnders.
There are 80 lodges of PythiaDs in St.
LuEis. with total membership of 4, 73S
members, and only ten OF these lodges
have a membership of less than 100.
10 Iowa there are more than 100 tenn
Piles of Rathbone Sisters.
Special orders have been received from
Major General Carnahan calling a meet
ing of the officers of the Missouri bri-
gade for Oct. i6, the evening preceding
the grand lodge meeting, when briga-
dier general will be elected. Major Gen
eral Carlahan will preside at that meet
ing
The grand lodge of Pennsylvania Or
dered the sale OF the grand lodge build
ing in Philadelphia for not less than
$1,000 and appropriated $4,000 for fur
nishing new offices.
The National Pythian Press associa-
ton will meet in Detroit Oct. &c.
The annual report Of George Hawkes.
Of Pennsylvania, grand keeper of records
and seal, showed the total receipts of the
year TO have been S20.616S0 and the ex-
penditures S11.110.93, leaving a balance
or 9,505.SI. The present membership is
4l,031. The increase during the year
was 316 and the loss by suspension, with
drawal and death, 3,S9S, of which 3,1S7
We're by suspension.
Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1899-09-15
Wasting No Opportunities.

In the interval between coffee and
toothpicks the two men who had been
dining at the Freeaneezy club fell to
discussing q personal friend in this
manner:
"Millsaps is far from well this sum-
mer."
'I know it. He looks like corpse.
Whereat solemn looking person sit
ting at the next table wheeled about in
his chair and rendered his card. which
bore this Inscription:
20. |. Plantum. Undertaken and Em-
baimer Funeral Director. Fine Livery
and Rubber Tired Carriages a Special
ty. $50 Dolores Avenue"
II beg pardon. gentleman" he said,
"but don't forget me when the time
comes. That's my business. take
care of 'em when their friends are
done with 'en."-Chicago Tribune.