New-York tribune., 1899-06-13

Az the i0-Cent Table d d'Hote.-Fuzzy-l notice that
most of the diners put water In the claret.
Muzzy-A very proper proceeding The water
keeps the wine from poisoning them, and the wine
prevents the water from making them sick
Designing Man-"Did you ever notice" he asked.
that II is always the homey woman who wants
a pug dog. The pug Is so hdeous tnat u I'm MAKES s
her seem good looking by comparison. Stll the
ruse is so we'll known now that the possession OF
a pug is sufficient ,., .u,,
ever tn thought Of getting ohe?' .o,
why. no one. OF course, my dear he answered;
for he too wise man to admit that ,hGbi ne nad
heard her telling neighbor that she thousht
she'd get one.-(Chcago Post
Frank F. Hyde. who has been practising law in
Paris for some years. and who is now visiting his
former home In Hartford. Conn. is thus quoted In
"The Courant" OF that city There was great IN
terest in the outcome of the Dreyfus case, but all
the excitement that heard Of was portrayed In
the columns OF the New-York papers. The lola
case In fact attracted about as much interest as
murder trial There was nothing OF the scenes
of boisterous excitement described In the American
papers There some demonstrations by STU
dents. much as there might be by Trinity students
In Hartford"
Some folks do say that time Is money" remarked
the village storekeeper' out uoi tame i'u'N
"You don't eh?" aueried the loafer.
NO don't" replied the storekeeper. "and l
wish you'd spend leetie more money mere ana
ieetle less time" "-(Chicago News.
The matron Of the Chlldrens Home in Wichita
Kan has received a letter from a man who
wants to adopt a child Send one." he says. that
IS lively and will laugh and cry and get into mis-
cbiof 7 am hfty-elght years old. and would give
the world for child that will laugh and get In my
vay and bother me. Well give 1t a good home
have raised FIVE children but they are all gone now
and can tell you there is nothing 80 sweet as the
bother OF children"
Two girls were overheard talking together on
!sav did YOU know Name settin' up for an
invalid? inquired the girl with the long feather In
me- lis siH she? queried the other girl She looks
VT That's ats what think And she sleeps well
"Can she eat?' ,-, .r .,or,a ..v sns
could Id cat Why at lunch to-day she got away
with "a cents worth! A., . ,C,oye,ard
And then their voices died a"ay'-'CieVe'anu
Plain Dealer.
An English physician who has been much inter
s,ad ,r the American operations against the Fill
ninos tells this story: I'VE had just finished our
breakfast one morning, and was talking to Presi-
dent Schurman. We were watching the Weird
manner in which the leaves Of the sensitive plant
onened and closed, when there vas a yell, accom-
ma rie. by the crack OF a rife and the whistle OF
bullet soldier running down the decline
az the rate OF twenty-five knots as the Americans
say on asking him the cause Of this energy ne
teli up his left hand the left ring-fnger OF which
had been pierced by bullet. leaving neat cir
cuIar opening through the first phaanx. After
being dressed he wanted 10 go on fighting, and was
greatly annoyed because would not allow him TO-
.,Taint so rauch the burned portfolio through me
finger lie s4d. as gets me on the raw; It's the
losin' Of all the fun "
well / only hope" remarked Mrs. Browne
that our new neghbors will be as satisfactory as
'Oh they're way ahead of 'em. ma" exclaimed
,l,s threa of 'pm
you tarts when you don't even tease for 'em."
diapers Bazar
This is taken from recent issue OF the Paris
"Eclar":
II asked my hotel proprietor at Nice few days
ago II the had been good
"'Oh. passabe.' he said; there has been no lack
OF visitors but these English devils cannot rest
moment in place Where do you think they
are of to this year,
Malta. Cairo?'
Yes. but worse than that. To Omdurman, sir
Omdurman!'
1.-The deuce, They lose no timer
mo The day after Omdurman was captured
they began to advertise Omdurman Cooks took
IT In hand. and should not be surprised II there
is already temple a theatre and casino there d"
Mother-I don't like the looks of that boy saw
you playing with on the street to-day You
son-Oh! he amt bad little hoy, mammal He's
a good little boy, He's been to the reform school
account OF good behavior!-(Puck
This is the sort of story that the English papers
never tire OF telling: At a military bazaar recently
officer thought he fanced a certain article ex-
posed for sale at OF the stalls. and he was GER
tain he fancied the lady who presided at the stall
He remarked, therefore, that he thought that par
ticular article very pretty
The lady said Yes It IL very pretty, My mother
sent H."
"Ah. really" pursued the off1cer. determined to
discover the name OF the owner OF the eyes that
had bewitched him. really. let me see-I think
have met your mother Her name IS
The Queen OF England" answered the lady
The offcer did not wait for the fancled article.
Mistress-Wel. now what can you cook?
Applicant-Oh can cook anythink. mum.
Mistress-What about entrees?
Applicant-Yes. | can do ontrays mum.
Mistress-Can you do a vol-au-yent7
Applicant tdoubtfully)-Well, num- In my last
place there once some talk about q yollervong
! but II fell through.-(Punch.