davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS

Author-"What excuse have you for
abusing my book?" Critic-'T read it. -
London Tit-Bits.
A Part of His Training.-'Isn't your
SON rather large to play with dolls ?''
"Oh, no, we are training him to be a
man dressmaker." Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
"Women have no continuity of pur-
pose" Haven't they? My Cousin
Laura bought SIS diamond ring and
paid for it one dollar at time."-N. Y.
Evening World.
Nell-"Did your French lessons carry
you through in PARISH" Belle-"Not
very WELL The stupid creatures don't
seem to understand their own Ian
guage." -Philadelphia Record.
Oh, the Brute!-She-"Have you seen
our art gallery?" Bored Count-''No."
She-"We have lovely portrait over
here by Titan" Bored Count-"Of
Sou?''-Philadelphia North America.
Fluster-"Young man, see by this
Message that it was received at your
office day before yesterday. Why
lidn't you deliver it sooner?" Tele-
graph Messenger-'Huh! Youse mus
t'ink rs a troo express. De orfis is four
blocks FUN here."-Ohio State Journal.
To Oblige Second Wife. = ZONES
:alled up his first wife at the seance
asst night, and what do you think he
'aid to her?" said Smith. Goodness
Snows!" replied Brown. ''He asked
Ter if she would give his second wife
aer recipe for t."-Pick-Me-
Up.
Easy Answer.-"Papa, what is the
meaning of the word 'candelabra p :"
asked Sammy Snaggs, who was doing his
Homework" THAT'S easy, Sammy"
replied Mr.. Snaggs. 1.-THE word ex-
plains itself. A candy laborer is a work
man in q candy factory."-Pittsburgh
Chronicle-Telegraph.
A Tonic Unnecessary.-Mrs. Smith
I'm afraid shall have to stop giving
Robby that tonic the doctor left for
him." Mr.. Smith-"Why, isn't he any
better?" Mrs. Smith-Oh, yes. But
he slid down the banisters six times
this morning. broke the hall lamp and
;wo vases, a jug and a looking-glass,
and don't feel as if could stand much
more. Boston Traveller.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
HORSES DRINK GRASS.
PlaAt Neither Require Nor VIII
They Drink Water.

The proverbial horse which can be led
to water, but which cannot be made.to
drink, exists in great numbers in the
Hawaiian islands.
Among the cattle he has thousands of
cousins of the same proclivities.
1t is surprising statement to make,
and yet one that is literally true and SO
commonplace that no one there thinks
anything about it, and there are hun
Nreds of horses and thousands of cattle
which never take a drink of water
throughout the whole course of their
lives.
On all the islands the upper attitudes
Vt the mountains are given up to cattle
langes. The cattle run wild from the
time they are born until they are round
wd up to be sent to the slaughter house.
Except during possibly two or three
months of the rainy season there are
40 streams or pools of water in any
part where the cattle range.
But everywhere there grows re-
vumbent jointed grass, known by the
native name of MAMMA. This is both
hood and drink, says a recent traveller.
Horses and cattle grazing on it neither
require water nor will they drink it
when offered.
Our first experience with this fact
was on trip to Haleakala. A party
were mounted on horses which had
just been brought in from the range.
The journey they made was IA miles,
In which distance they assembled 5000
feet.
The party started in the afternoon,
and at sunset halted for supper. They
thought it strange that the horses
should leave a feed of grain to nibble
the scanty grass which grew near, by,
but were willing to trust their instinct
in the matter.
However, before starting, they in
sisted that they be given water. The
native guide demurred to this, saying
they didn't need it, but, with the good
natured complaisance of his race, yield
ed to requests, and led detour of about
. mile, which brought the party to q
ranch house, where there was a well.
But, to the utter amazement of the
travellers, the horses would not drink.
They took it as another case of in
stinct and assumed that the water, for
some reason, was not good, and SO re-
trained from drinking it themselves.
It was not until the return, the second
day, to Kawaapae, that the travellers
learned the secret of the wonderful
MAMMA grass.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Problem for Bicycle Makers.

Edison. the inventor, who isat work
On a low-priced and noiselesJ automo-
bile. is reported as saying that in q
few months the price of the horseless
buggy or two-seated wagon will be less
Than that of good team of horses, and
will cost only one-fifth as much for
maintenance. In view Of this state of
.ffa.rs, the bicycle makers had better
put their wits to work. When the av-
srage man can get comfortable vehicle
which he can propel without trouble,
he is going to prefer it to q bicycle, un-
less the bicycle itself is made self
propelling. To be sure. there are mo-
tor cycles. but they are too expensive
md they are not comfortable. These
IRE the problems the bicycle maker
must face in the near future.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
water Cycle. Are Freaks.

Every now and then the matter Of
water bicycles is brought up and claims
made for the excellence of some new de-
vice in this particular line of cycle
building. What is the use of water
cycles, anyhow? They are bound to
be wet and unpleasant things, no mat
ter how the rider looks at it. Bicycling
is not an aquatic sport, and nobody will
ever make water cycle really portable
or convenient for travelling purposes.
Imagine a man carrying two long boats,
a screw propeller and q whole lot Of
connecting gear and attachments over
land just to be prepared in case he meets
a stream he wants to cross. As a mat
ter of fact, whenever water is met in a
town over passable territory means Of
crossing it will be found to have been
established long before bicycles were
dreamed of. But as freak the water
cycle will probably find place with
flying Hachines and that sort of thing.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
WANTED TO TRADE WIVES.
An Esquimau Chief Who Became
Enam0red of an Ameri-
can Woman.

A plucky little western woman, Mrs.
Laura McGregor, has recently returned
to the United States after trip of
more than seven months in the Arctic
seas, north of Behring strait. 1t is said
to be the first time that a white woman
has spent an entire season in this
region of the great frozen north.
Mrs. McGregor is the wife of the cap
tain of steam whaler, and the trip was
made upon her husbands ship. Her
trip was full of curious adventure.
Once, while they were trading with the
Esquimaux, a celebrated chief of that
region actually proposed to trade
wives with Capt. McGregor, and finally
became so insistent upon making the
bargain that he had to be forcibly
elected from the ship. The wife whom
he proposed to exchange for Mrs. Nc
Gregor was hideously ugly squaw
with swarthy features, who could not
speak a word of English.
Mrs. McGregor kept her eyes open
during the voyage and brings back
many interesting stories of the life of
the native Esquimaux they met. With
q
she observed much of the life of the
natives of that region which would
scarcely be observed by man. She
found the Esquimau women quite as
vain and proud of their primitive sur
roundings as the women of civilized
countries. The squaws begged for
every article of dress she had, and if the
chance came thew would have no hesita-
ton in stealing it. AS fast, she says, as
she could make wrapper or some other
simple article they would besiege her
for it, offering to exchange almost any
thing they owned.
The hats Mrs. McGregor wore were
objects of special admiration. They de-
light in bright colors, and the more
gaudy the trimmings the more it
pleased them. Mrs. McGregor trimmed
a number of hats for them with the
wings of the native birds of the north
to their great deiight.-N. Y. World.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
IN PLACE OF ToECLIPs.

sut extending backward instead of for
ward. It consists of q strip of steel,
made in two overlapping pieces, SO as
10 admit of adjustment for length. A
'et screw in one piece and series of
holes in the other provide for this ad
lustment to the size of the riders foot.
AT its rear end the device bears an up
right plate. about five-eighths of an
inch high. and reaching crosswise over
An inch. This is intended to fit snugly
against the heel of the riders shoe. To
improve its capacity for clinging, the
plate is slightly curved to correspond
with the trifing curvature of that part
# shoe, and the face which comes in
ontact with the heel is roughened.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
MOUNTAIN OF WHEELS
Four Thousand Dollars Worth o.
Good Old Ordinaries Piled Int
Heap at Pullman, III.

As the years fly by the high wheel
the good old ordinary" as it is affee-
tionately termed by the wheelmen who
used to ride it in the earlier days Of the
sports becoming more and more like
the buffalo-extfnct. Buried in junk
piles and hidden away in cellars, the
steeds that once represented $50 per
are slowly but surely being forgotten.
There is no demand for this style Of
bicycle and the once proud machine has
dropped from sthe cycling world until
now even the street Arab would scorp
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
TOECLIP SUBSTITUTE.
An Attachment to a Bicycle Pedal,
Invented by a New Yorker, Kx-
tends Backward.

The popularity and usefulness of the
toeclip for bicycle pedals is SO well es-
tablished that nothing need be said to
emphasize them. The advantage of
having a guide or check for the foot of
the rider is universally recognized. An
interesting idea is advanced by T. G..
Avery, of Binghamton, N. Y, however,
He has invented an attachment to the
pedal to serve exactly the same purpose,
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
COST OF BICYCLING.
From a Purely Financial Point OF
View the Wheel IL Cheaper Than
the Trolley Car.

The question: How much does it
cost per mile to ride bicycle? which
has recently engaged the attention of
certain newspapers. is very like the
question:: How long is string? The
answer depends upon premises which
are not stated. If the cyclist were to
pay $50 for his mount, ride it so miles
and then reduce it to fragments with
sledge hammer, the conclusion neces-
sarily follows that his riding on that
particular machine would have cost
him one dollar per mile. If he were to
duplicate Teddy" Edwards feat and
ride SIS wheel $4,000 miles, his riding
would cost him less than one-fiftieth
of one cent per mile. Perhaps an av-
erage case would be that of rider who
pays $50 for his wheel, rides it $500
miles per year and sells it at the end
of three years for SIS. Including in.
terest and allowing literally for re-
pairs and cost of extra equipment, he
would cover 4,500 miles at cost of ~
cents per mile, which is cheap transport
tation.
In getting at the comparative econ
omy of the bicycle and the trolley car
as used for the purpose of necessary
travel, correspondent furnishes the
following interesting figures:
Cost of bicycle. .......S5O 90
Interest, per cent, years. ....... 500
Repairs, $3 per year, 3years........... 800
4Otdl % w
Value of bicycle at expiration Of 3
years ID w
Net cost for years............:....$5 so oo
Saving in car fares 20 cents per day,
s. per month. months each year.
$40; years use of wheel........... 120 90
Interest, per cent, one-half this Pc
Rod, or TX years. Observation-Disclosures. 10
Total saving. ..................$127 20
Net profit on ment.!...........$ Il 20
These figures apparently represent
very conservative estimate and leave
no question as to the greater economy
of the wheel
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
No Hurry.

Mr.. Newrich-I gave you an order last
week TO trace my ancestry back for soc
years.
Chronologist-Yes,s sir; we have i,
about half done already.
Mr.. Newrich-But forgot to give
you my name.
Chronologist-Oh, that makes no diff.
ference! We always begin Mt the
founder of house and work down. We
won't need your name for two weeks-
Judge.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03

Lets play old Maid" exclaimed
the prattlesome child who is always en-
ieavoring to find an opponent in harm
less games.
Miss Passeigh looked very stern for
a moment and then answered.:
"You will have to apply to someone
whose age is more suitable. wouldn't
be such a hypocrite. "-Washington
Star.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
What He Tells.

IF I should tell all I know" said the
detective, with solemn shake of his
head, sit would create sensation, and
don't you forget it,"
eff you would refrain from telling
what you don't know" returned the
sarcastic citizen, 'it would create even
greater nsation."-Chicago Post.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Never Agree. with Him.

DIR. Goak-Oh, no. We doctors are
not infallible. For example, 1 never sit
down to table without something
which is forever disagreeing with me.
Mrs. Brown-Indeed? And what may
that be?
DIR. Goak-My wife.-Tit-Bits.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Her Presentiment.

mo woman can lose her temper and
keep her beauty" he said, thoughtfully.
John Henry" she returned, prompt
ly, II just know that you are planning
to stay out late tonight and want to fix
it SO that won't scold you when you
come in."-Chicago Post
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
EncouraEin4.

do you think" he asked, that your
father has any suspicion of my love for
your"
''No," she replied, 'he is completely
deceived. overheard him and mamma
talking about it last night. He said you
were no more capable of loving than
chunk of putty would be."-Chicago
Times-Herald.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
He Wants No More.

professor, who is the happier, the
man who owns million pounds or he
who has seven daughters?"
1.-THE man who has seven daughters"
"Why 500"
'He who has million pounds wishes
for more; the man who has seven
daughters does not."-Tit-Bits.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03

Another Kind.

Il wish you would use some powder"
Mrs. Roomer," said the irritable lodgef
one morning.
Whist do you mean. sir?" exclaimed
the landlady, indignantly; "you Insult
me with your rudeness. The idea of me
using powder!"
well. suit yourself" snapped the ir-
ritable lodger, ''if you would rather lose
$40 week than to scatter little insect
powder in my room. I suppose I shall
have to move."-Brooklyn Life.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
What He Didn't Like.

Gilback-I am surprised, colonel, at
your time of life, that you should have
any trouble in managing your wife. All
you have to do is to let her think she ID
having her own way.
Col. Quailer-Yes, but the only trouble
is that everybody else thinks so. too
Brooklyn Life.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Could BE Traced.

Hoax-Who does the new baby take
after-you or his mother?
Joax-Ican trace resemblance to my
wife. He raises an awful howl when
come home late of an evening.-Phila-
delphia Record.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Suburban sports.

Those people next door evidently
aave never lived in the country before"
.sWhat makes you think sop
II heard them wrangling last night
both wanted to milk the cow.".Detroit
Free Press.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
under the New Order.

Relative from beyond the suburbs)
Mandy, who's that young fellow
snoopin' around in the kitchen?
City Niece-Never mind him, Aunt
Ann. He's the hired girl.-Chicago
Tribune.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Very Similar.

Reporter-What is the sensation of
being hit by a cyclone!
Victim-Why, it's just like getting
married! Yer don't really realize wot's
happening till it's all over and yer come
ter yer senses!-Puck.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
The End.

"All's over" she wrote. "'twixt you and
me
Life now Is one keen misery:
No more I'll sing, no more I'll smile,
Bullet me wear your ring awhile"
Chicago Daily Record.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Not a Pleasing Sight.

Could we see ourselves as others see u.s."
Some of us, dare say.
Would turn our back on ourselves. alack!
And look the other way.
-ElliottS Magazine.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03

II suppose when you grow up to be
man, Bobbie, you'll want to be an
earnest Christian, won't you?"
"Yus, sir-if it won't interfere with
my being pirate!"-Ally Sloper.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
The Old Clock.

Jack loves the O. ,int clock on the stairs,
don't you know
For the pesky old thing can't be fixed 80
twill go.
Detroit Free Press.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
A Little on.

"An aqueduct is conductor-noun."
The teacher from the dictionary read.
Employ it in sentence, Tommy Brown"
THE gentleman's an aqueduct." he said.
Judge
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Hard Line S.

Lawyer-Well, have you at last de-
bill of mine?
Client-Y-e-s.
Lawyer-Very we'll; William, just
add ten dollars to Mr.. Smiths bill for
further advice.-Boston Traveller.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
He saved Room.

Little Dick ate no dinner. Il he
sick?"
mo; somebody told him we were go
ing to have ice cream. Chicago Daily
Record.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
Economy.

whats enough for one will do for two"
Oh, no, for in marriage twill seldom do:
But I used to think, and think so still.
In the matter of chairs 1t often will.
-JudRe
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03


The cook was leaving to get married.
The mistress paid her her wages and
gave her little present for herself. The
tin box was on the cab, and Bridget was
on the point of stepping in, when Fido
waddled out as If to bid farewell.
"Good-by, old Fido," said Bridget;
there's bob for you. am sure you
have earned it, seeing L have not
washed a plate since have been here"
ANSWERS.
The Bard.
Unto a lady's eyebrow once he warbled
strains SO sweet,
Or to her coral lips or pearly teeth or dainty
feet.
But now, when he would chant for an ap-
preciatfve throng,
The girl who does a cake-walk Is the bur-
den of his song.
washington Star.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03

>The tongue of full grown giraffe 4
about 10 inches long.
The Kinsley graphic. [volume] (Kinsley, Kan.) 1890-1940, 1899-11-03
.lQglull;uIurInuuliIulps

Mummy, can have that pear that
was on the dining-room sideboard this
morning? Cos"
Because what?'
Cos I've eaten iti"-Punch.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-10-05
Believe War Be Ayerted.

New York, Oct "a dispatch to the
Tribune from London says Prominent
men connected with the military and
other services now declare that there will
be no hostilities with the TransVaal but
that matters will be adjusted at the last
moment. The reasons for their conf
deHce in the maintenance of peace are
not apparent to outsiders who cannot un-
derstand how an outbrea of war can 81
prevented Public opinion also reflects
this optimistic view although no intel
ligiblc reason can be given FOR the re-
action against the war feeling which has
prevailed for the last three weeks kru-
gers delay in striking the British sarri-
son when it was weakest has tended 10
convince home journalists that he will
not open hostilitirs and that he max
consent to a conference if he is assured
that Hngland's fresh demands. vsnen
presented. are complete list of griev-
ances and that no new issue viii BE-
reached.
The satisfactory issue of the Venezuela
arbtrat ton is also great object lesson
which influences public Judgment. While
the reaction against militarism may be
only theory, it encourages the means of
the peace party to renew their efforts
and make much of Sir William Vernon
HIrcourt's conversion to their viewV
The report of liberal conference at Sir
Henry Campbell Bannermans ho:sA Is
an exaggeration. 1t was a small meet
ing of a few friends.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-10-05
UNDERWEAR

HEAVY WOOL Shirts and Drawers.
natural color, front of shirt nicely bourd
with silk, good pearl buttons, covelEd
seams and well finished, all sizes, $1UO
each.
AUSTRALIAN WOOL Shirts and
Drawers, golden brown, Of soft, pure
wool, heavy weight self finished, cover7
ed seams, all sizes. $1.0O each.
DERBY RIBBED Woolen Shirts, and
Drawers in blue, high neck shirt with
Fancy Silk Fronts drawers faced with
heavy sateen, reinforced seams, all sizes.
$1.25 each.
HEAVY RIBBED Shirts and Drawers.
dark brown, in winter weight high
necked shirts with silk fronts covered
seams, perfect fitting anr guaranteed
not to shrink, all sizes. SITS each.
HEAVY DERBY RIBBED Shirts and
Drawers, very elastic and glove hUipg
neck of shirt bound with sat teen, diAw.-
ers faced with same, extension waist
band and unshrinkable salmon color:
price 81 each.
MERCERIZED SILK and Wors:ed
Underwear. unshrinkablt, fancy stripes
in white and pink, fine French rib, high
neck. glove fitting and very elastic.
Warmer and better wearers than all wool
garments and far less clumsy, price $3.50
each.
YPS1LANTI UNION SUITS for men
in all wool, silk merino, merino, silk and
wool mixed and all silk; prices range
from $3.50 to $500 a suit.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-10-05
Mems Clothing

We are showing handsome lines of
Mems Suits with cutaway and double
breasted sack coat and single and double
breasted vests.
There is decided difference between
the shapes of this season and those Of
last and once can scarcely be palmed
off for the other.
Serges, Tweeds, Cassimeres and smooth
aud undressed worsted are the leading
textures. The Serges and undresstd
wcrsteds are in dark gray, blue and
black, the others in neat stripes neat
checks and invisible Dlads. Prices
range from $3.50 to $3.50.
Three button Cutaway Coats and
Vests. perfect fitting and stylish made
of fine black Clay worsteds, Thu.etse
urdressed worsteds and Vicunas, prices
s15 $40 and $25.
PARAGON PANTS" the best made
Trousers in the market, stylishly cut to
veal with black coats and vests. New
designs and nobby colorings. price $40
10 IS a pair.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-10-05
Changes In the Navy.

New York, Oct. "a special to the
Herald from Washington says: Reports
received by the navy de eDartment from
Captain Cooper, commanding the CHA
go, showing that the vessel is in need
Schley in the hosting of his flag The
repairs to the Chicago will require al
most two months and the vessel will not
be ready to start south until the latter
part of November. The secretary left
tonight with the president. but he has
made no provision for additional vessels
for the south Atlantic station.
Captain Lamberton, commanding the
cruiser Olympia, received orders after he
had landed the ammunition at the naval
magazine in New York harbor. to pro-
ceed with the Olympia to the Boston
navy yard. where the vessel will be plac-
ed out of commission. Captain Lam
berton desires dirty in Washington, al
Though he would not be averse to spend
ing another year at sea in order to make
up the usual sea tour of an officer of his
grade.
Rear Admiral Sampson will resume
command of the squadron and proceed
with Il 10 Hampton roads. He will prob
ably be relieved of the command at that
pont Formal orders We're issued to-
day 10 Captain Barker, formerly COM
n.andng the battleship Oregon and the
Asiatic squadron, directing him to as
yard Captain Barker, will be promoted
TO the grade of rear admiral upon the re-
tirement of Rear Admiral HoHlson.