Evening journal., 1899-09-25

- T.
reason for it,
"A man who wants 4 reuaou.iQr u ell
ing before he com mits himself can get
a Job as funeral director most any
where's" said the stationery man. "loL
don't want 20 be the icemun; you're
double condenser ice plant Yourself.
It's a gag, il you want 10 know, just one
of them gags that people get ON
81 wish it was one of the kind people
can't get off, said the tailor, viciously.
1T would save a whole lot of suffering.
I'd like 10 gag every man the minute
he bought one of them things and tie
his hands so he couldn't make motions.
If / remember rightly you were one OF
the first men in the city 20 buy chest-
nut bell and the last TO give it up"
That's right" said the stationer
with an air of modest pride MY
cousin in New York sent me one by
mail just as soon as they come :
there"
ats too bad we have TO look to fSsas
York for all our bright idees," said "a.
tailor. "Seems as IL we ought TO be able
TO get up something of the kind right
here in Chicago-or Dunning, anyway.
You got lots Of fun out Of that bell,
didn't you?"
Il rung you OF time or two" said
the stationer, defantly.
"You did" admitted the tailor. "You
would come in here and IL you couldn't
do anything else you would ask me
what thought of the weather and ring
when said that it looked like rain.
Nobody could come around you and
open his face but you had TO ring You
neglected your business just the same
as you're doing now, and went about
tinkling that little gong like a knife
grinders barrow. You thought YOU
were the 'cutest thing ever happened
until you got thrown out of that vaude-
Vile house for ringing off the Irish
specialist"
ale needed IT,"
$50 did you. And yoW were in the
same fix when you got sluggcd Cor pull
, ing an Tm-something-of-a -a-liar-myself
card on the new bartender down. at Nc
Garrigan's."
Il did little of that slugging He
didn't operate a slugging trust and con
] troll the output"
"That wasn't the story you told the
police Judge when you was able to ap'
! pear. l thought you'd give up then
five-cent inside lining ioshes after that
but l guess you'll keep on until some
body gets out OF patience with you ant
kills YOU"
I'D like to know what IL is makes
5 you miserable whenever anyone get
to feeling good" said the stationer
"lf person comes around you Will
j. sunshine in his soul and a glndsom
r smile on his face you take itas person
al insult. / look to see you get a sticl
Of dynamite and blow up q Dutch bee
r garden some night just because III
II people are enjoying themselves there
e You'd poison an organ-grinder
monkey"
" "I would" said the tailor, with d.
r, cision. I'D poison the organ-grinde
d too, If got a good chance"
d "And any kids that happened 10
1t dancing on the sidewalk to the music
% added the stationer. "Ain't you got an
" friends besides me?"
E. "Are you my friend?"
II I'D lend you u dollar note any tim
p YOU needed il and had it, If you wei
d. able TO give me any kind of securit
y that I'd get it back. There's people th'
e, calls themselves your friends that won
10 do that for you"
10 If you're my friend, +" said the tailo
'you want TO keep your ice tongs an
TX chestnut bells hid when you come int
y this shop. If you've got any cellulo
II, buttons with You Amt the Only So
ie sidge in the Shop or I've Got TROUBLE
Of My Own or any other gags You lea
he them on the grand piano before yC
S: start out to entertain me. How'd yC
T. like"
nd "ro be the iceman?"
Sc "To have me come into your shl
Az three times q day and rub your tee
with a hlacksmith's rasp?"
rv "It'd be all right If you did il in
IN. friendly spirit, but ] want you TO u
if derstand that you can't come in loo
er ing the way you do now and take the
Ike kind of liberties. You've got TO be plea
of ant about it."
The tailor threaded n needle, scral
II: bled up on his bench and, crossing I
ms legs, began to sew. "Ill be pleasa
n. about IT," he said. as he jerled a kii
.at out of the thread "The next time "
off get off any of these funny little aui
zee matte side splitters on me I'll get doy
MS on you in a friendly spirit and hamm
lr- youwith the smoothing iron until you
ar need a certificate of Identification
Tor get buried in the family lot. You
home now and think that over and ia
nd your ice tongs with you. Hold on, doi
nat go Off mad. You can take a little 10
ect yourself, can't you?"
TO The stationery man put his hands
his his pockets and chewed the end of
ose cigar rapidly as he turned at the dol
wn The tailor was smiling, but his neight
seemed offended for once.
v. IF you're getting hot you want
ose think about your friend the icemai
hat said the tailor. "Cool off, Billy, c,
y OF"
the The stationer took his cigar out Of
,.,,..41, Il oTn,,-,T LII 4l-.,4