The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-08-08
Carl Dunder.

We all know ind agree dot De. wori,
yhas all wrong. bat * any changes vhal
made We Ike en- TO begin nit somebody
. else.
Il vhas easy 20 tell a man nit a wcCjeI
lex dot he yhas safe on dot side from Z
mad dog, bit you forget how she Ytas Il
. q Texas steer gets after him on der street
Il yhas no use 10 wish you could tall
nit a man who had been hung ind finl
out II IL hurts him much. Il yhas easy tC
. try her for yourself
/ II may or may not be dot marriage IL Z
failure, but il yhas dead sure thing dot
after you yhas der fadder Of seven OF
eight children you haf got 20 keep hust-
ling 10 bring in der bread uEd butter
! beiieI she vhas der best yhay for eafer-
/ body 70 begin on der ground floor. After
/ a man can drive a hog out Of der garden
I through der same hole he come in al II
4 yhas tine for der peoples to see smart
ness In him.
II yhas a world In which things come
/ out even Der grocer may give you nj
/ teen ounces for a pound OF sugar, but
when you vhas hit By a policeman it yhas
. seventeen ounces or more II you want it,
Nobody should be too quickly. One
night / hat my pistol all ready to shoot a
man who yhas climbing in by der window,
but ] stop ind call out TO him first. Dot
safes his life und keeps me out of trouble.
Il turned out dot he vhas only a burglar
Instead OF der man who reads der gas
meter.
II vhas curious how many peoples belief
dot thirteen vhas an unlucky number,
und yet I neffer found who'd knock a dol
lar Off der bin ind call II twelve.
Natural philosophy vhas as easy as
grease. All you've got to do is to buy a
bottle OF collie cure and turn der boy loose
among der green apples. 1t Will all come
about by bedtime.
For feefteen years I went about looking
for an honest man, und behold. he vhas
at my door eafery morning! He vhas der
milk man. He could hat made II 80 per
cent. water all der time, but had not gone
atcve twenty. We vhas always looking
too far away.
Sometimes a man vhas mad at me be-
cause / don't talk about Noah und his
Ark, but If | vhas 10 go around trying TO
find out vether it really rained for forty
days und nights or vhas twenty-four
hours short l Vhas in der pOoThouse in
one year.
If der man who plants der seeds Will
figure dot half der melons Will be stolen
nobody Will be disappointed. It vhas
When you leave your feIlow-men out of it
dot you make a mistake.
] don't like a man to be too thankful if
] lend him dollar ind he pays it back.
If he talks too much he borrows s. next
time und don't pay it back al all.
1t vhas poor policv to WHY For fif-
teen years / vhas afraid some ody would
break into my barn und steal MY horse.
One night a thief did come, urd how YOU
bellef II vhas? Dot horse vhas dead nit
sickness half an hour before der thief
got IN, und all my worry went for moth
ing
one time my dog dies. und eaferybodv
says he shall charge g 10 take dot body
AWAY und bury il. l don't paw il. I nut
1t in 10-Cent barrel. und in one hour he
Was stolen. If We understand human ma
ture We vhas better of
l vhas pulled up nit pride when a news
paper says dot my word vhas as good ash
my bond, but dot pride all went AWAY
When l like 10 borrow $50 at der bank.
Eafery body may be all right, but Z note
INIT good indOTSer makes you sure
Sometimes when l yhas soundly sleeping
my WIFE wakes me oop to whisper:
Carl Dunder. vhas you sure you locked
dot kitchen door,"
Il belief ! debut WHY"
Because some burglar vhas in der
house"
"Nhell, if he vhas in, why should we
trouble whether he got in by der door or
der cellar window"
One time my fellOw-citiZens Ike to run
me for office, but l think it all oafer for
a week ind don't take him. Dot makes
my wife awful mad und she SAYS:
You vhas such fools ash neffer Was,
You vhas elected for sure, und dot salary
was $500 a year"
Maybe l vhas fools" says I. but we
wait leetle While und see. Nopody should
haf too much quickness."
Well, dot Odder man vhas elected. Dot
campaign expenses cost him 5000. Ind in
two months he steals 1900 ind goes 70
state prison for three years. l goes home
und says 10 Mrs. Dunder:
"Nhell, how about some office? Vbas il
better dot l vhas home or in prison9 II
Vhas better to be a fool at liberty dan a
wise man locked oop in a cell"
one time when / smoke my pipe on der
Veranda man comes along Und saws:
Mr.. hoopmans, you owe me feeftv
cent und If you don't pay you vhas a
licked man"
4 Vhill pay" says I. und I gifts him
DOT money, but Mrs. Dunder comes out
und says:
In all my life 1 nefrer saw sucn q
bunker head Your name yhas not Kooo-
mans, und Why you gif dot teller fecfty
cents?" ''
"Nhen. I shall explain" l says. In dot
hrst place ! must look Ike Mir. Koopman
or cot man would not speak to ne In
der second place. / hat TO talk una talk
even II can make him see his mistake.
ih Ger third place If he blacks my eve OF /
breaks my nose It vhas so out Of pocket |
10 SAFE IeeIty cent In der fourth |
place"
huI dot man comes back und hands me |
oaier my money ind saws:
excuse me, n you please. but / hat I
made mistake. Dot Mr. Koopmans IFS /
on der next block, ind you vhas some !
nd | look at Mrs. Dunder und smile
Hd she looks al me und don't saw
nothing.
One night Mrs. Dunder wakes me oou
ind says:
For der Lords sake, get COP! Some |
burglar vhas In der houser'
Den / shall wait till ne goes out" I /
says. Burglars objoc, 10 being disturbed 4
When dey vhas bUrgling"
In Ten minutes cot burglar goes avhav
Ind he vhas oop. He takes my watch 4
ind SIS und some clothes.
We vhas ruiHedr' says Mrs. Uunder 1
ash she begins to weep.
Let u see about dot Dot vhas 2 p.or
watch, una II keep him ! half To nav
y 10 make repairs. Dol burglar gels nv
30. but dot yhas al right II he. don't /
some tonight DOT tax man vhiII be her.
tomorrow. ind We lose her anyway. He
takes AWAY my suit q clothes. bur II
'has 50 to hat EN- pressed una cleaned
4 he don't"
DuEder ~'S -4'S'
But hold on some more. Dot burglar
e. 81 md