The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-02-26
A LESSON FOR YOUTH.

There was once a Good Little Boy who
| was Precocious beyond his age, and al
ways read the Newspapers. He wished to
know what the Good and Great Men OF
Today were doing, so that he might also
| be good and great when he grew up. But
he met with many Things which Puzzled
Him, and his father, being in the War
| Department, could not Explain Them. So
he had to Think them out by himself.
| When this Good Little Boy grew up he
went into the Army, and he said. This is
a good time to Put in Practice what 1
learned when was in my fathers house"
So when his Regiment was sent against
| the Guttaperchawaks he Gave Directions
| just how they should Fight the Battle
and then Stayed Behind and watched OPP
erations from a Hill with a Fieldglass.
And the Regiment was led Triumphantly
through the Battle by the Lieutenant
Colonel.
After the Fight the Good Little Colonel
noticed a Goodness in the Atmosphere and
was much Surprised. He Met War Cor
respondent with Kodak. and said. Il
Hope you Have a good Picture Of me
Taking Part in this Fight"
Indeed / have Not" said the Core
spondent; you were not In tt
But was" said the Other. aghast; sit
was Fought precisely as 1 directed"
| "That may Be-" said the Correspondent,
but you were Sitting in a Treetop Ten
Miles Away, and my Machine is not a
Rubberneck''
And the Good Little Colonel was Sur
prised. and said, What Very Rude
Mani"
| When he got to Headquarters the Cen
eral said sternly. why were you not in
this Battle? Why were you hiding up a
| Tree Ten Miles away? Why did your
Subordinate have TO Do all the Work."
The Good Little Colonel said, Il was in
the Fight. l arranged it all with Math-
| ematical Precision. l was There. l Fol-
| lowed in the Footsteps of the Great Ad-
miral Sampson"
| And the General said it was bosh.
| Then the Good Little Colonel was Put
/ Under Arrest and the Lieutenant Colonel
( put in his Place.
This is Very Queer" said the Good
Little Colonel, and he wrote a Paper and
Read it before the Courtmartial He said
! that the General Lied in every Hair of his
! Head, and every Bone in his Skeleton, in
! every Button on his Clothes, in every
Pore of his Body. Also many Other
| Things Unprintable. which Good Little
! Colonies should not have known. And he
said, Now l shall be Retired with Full
| Pay for the rest of my Natural Life. and
l can go and Have Fun
| But Nothing of the Kind Happened
The Good Little Colonel was Kicked out
I of the Service and had to Go Home on a
I Cattle Ship and Walk from San Francisco
/ to Chicago.
In Course OF Time the Good Little ex-
| Colonel went to work in Packing House
and became Well-to-Do. And he said. 81
will sell some Embalmed Beef to the Gov
eminent and make Money" And he did
and the Soldiers were made Ill. And they
came after the Good Little ex-Colone
and Contractor with Warrant and land
ed him in the Penitentiary. For the Laws
had Changed since 1899.
When the Good Little ex-Colonel, Con
tractor, and Convict got out of the Peni-
Tertiary he said, Il will Reform. / will
no Longer Try to be Good and Great. Blu
first will Interview these Men and see
Why they could do what / cannot
So he went to Admiral Sampson and
said, How could you win the battle Of
Santiago when you were ten mile:
Away?"
And Sampson, being grown Incautious
and Garrulous in his Old Age said, MY
Boy, / had Pull"
Then the Reformed One went to Eagan
whom he Found at Monte Carlo, and said
How did you Manage to get Paid fol
calling the Head of the Army a Liar?'
And Eagan winked and said, II had g
Pull"
Then the Traveller went to Chicago ant
Hunted for the Embalmed Beef Man. AND
they said, He is in the Senate" And
when he was found he was working fol
Reform In Politics.
Said the Man who had Once been g
Good Little Boy, How did you get here
after that embalmed-"
The Senator said. ''Sh-h, Don't dig II
up, l had Pull"
Then the Man went thoughtfully ou
and Met the Same War Correspondent
who had Reported the Battle with the
Guttaperchawaks, and he Told him all his
/ Troubles. And the War Correspondent
being Wise and Experienced Man, Chew
ed his Cigar and Grinned at Intervals
And So" wound up the Weary One, I'll
was all because l didn't have Pull?"
Exactly So" said the War Correspond.
emit