The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-12-24

fortunes Of his people to "the' senile
dotards who carry out the policies Of
the mercenary syndicate in control OF
national affairs" Then, he considers
himself Tagalog George Washington.
and carries with him a copy of news
| paper published in this country which
comedies with that opinion Of himself.
If Aguinaldo hadn't been spoiled by
such fullsome flattery or alarmed by
the confessions OF rascal;ty in an adj
ministration organ. he might have sur
rendered long ago. 1t must have been
hard. anyhow. for him to resist the fol-
lowing heartrending appeal from the
Sun Of Pochahontas, in the Sunfiower
state. whence comes the dashing Fun
ston:
"Aguinaldo, you do not know what a
good thing you are missing by not
wanting to become a citizen of this
grand country of ours There isn't
anything else like it under the sun.
You ought to send a delegation over
here to see us. This land of the free;
this land of churches ard 400, 900 IL
censed saloons, Bibles, forts and guns;
houses Of prayer. The millionaires and
paupers, theologians and thieves, liber
tines ard liars, Christians and chain
gangs, politicians and poverty, schools
and prisons, scalawags, trusts and
tramps, virtue and vice
We offer you the free blessings of
land where men with three wives are
sent to congress and others with twice
that many women are appointed TO
cabinet positions. Where the bloody
shirt is waved at home, and slavery
recognized in our Colonial dependencies
Where the flag is upheld by national
pride to be raised over polygamous har-
ems in Sulu by highly moral chief ex-
ecutive. Where some men boil their
wives when they see a younger woman
they want. Where young men ruin a
girl and then cut her head off. Where
we make bologna sausages of dogs and
canned beef of sick cows and old mules
and horses, and cor9ses OF people who
eat it. Where we put men in Jail for
not having means Of support, and on a
rock pile if he hasn't a job.
w AASAC VIZ h1"C d tOASlcSS VI fVO
men to make laws and a supreme court
of nine men to set them aside. Where
good whisky makes bad men and bad
men make good whisky Where news
papers are paid for suppressing the
truth and made rich for telling a lie.
Where professors draw their convictions
and salaries from The same source.
Where preachers are paid from 81. 900
to $4,000 year to dodge satan and
tickle the ears of the wealthy. Where
business consists of getting property in
any way that won't land you in the
penitentiary. Where trusts hold you up
and poverty holds you down. Where
men vote for what they do not want
for fear they will not get what they
want by voting for it. Where women
wear false hair. and men dock their
horses tails. Where men vote for
thing one day and swear about it the
other 1854 days in the year. Where we
have prayers on the floor of the ma
tional capitol and whisky in the base
ment. Where we spend $1,000 to bury
a congressman and SO to put away a
workingman who is poor. Where gov
eminent pays an army officers widow
$1,000, and a poor private who faced the |
shell s144, with insinuations that he is i
government pauper and burden be- |
cause he lives. Where to be virtuous is |
to be lonesome, and to be honest is to |
be a crank Where we sit on the safety !
valve OF conscience and pull wide open !
the throttle of energy. Where gold is !
worshiped and God is used as a waste I
basket for our better thought and good |
resolutions. Where we pay So for a |
woman for making shirts. Where we
teach the 'untutored Indian the way +
of eternal life and kill him with bad
booze Where we put a man in prison
for stealing a loaf of bread and in con-
gress for stealing bank or railroad.
Where check-bcoks talk and sin walks
in broad daylight. justice is asleep,
crime runs amuck, corruption perme-
ates our social fabric and satan laughs I
at every street corner"
Come to US, Aguinaldo," pleads the
Sun. We've got the grandest aggrega-
ton of good things big things and hard
things of all sizes, varieties and colors
ever exhibited under one tent. Send
your delegation. and we will prove all
these assertions for truths
@ @ q
How can the ''Tagal Washington
hold out? To refuse such blessings of
proves that he is savage
'or whom killing is too good.