Adams County news. [volume] (Ritzville, Wash.) 1898-1906, 1899-12-27

ter | promised before leaving New
York. Sam Jones inadvertently told
told the truth, for just as he predict
ed, and | myself secretly expected, l
am in Hades. Came straight through
without stop. am sitting on q hot
cinder writing this letter on II piece
of slate gouged from the ceiling with
my trident. A "trident," you know
is one of those funny looking little
pitchforks like Neptune used to carry
with him at the seaside. Everybody
has one and it makes a fellow think
he's at a Populist convention.
When l was on earth l didn't be-
lieve in hell, for 1 had travelled in
Kansas and didn't think there could
could be two places so much alike.
But hadn't been here half day till
| believed in it whole lot. 1t is much
more genuine and realistic than / an
ticipated, but l think I'll like il when
l get acclimated. Just now my feet
are blistered from walking ON the hot
pavements and I'm dab bling them in
the Styx to cool them off. 1 was talk
ing to Moses a while ago and he says
they will soon get calloused and then
I'll be all hunkadory He has read
my mistakes OF Moses" and laugh
ingly admitted that he made good
many when lie was new in the bust
ness. He is jovial old cuss and l
rather like him. Told me on the
dead-everything sis on the dead"
here-that he didn't write the Penta-
touch, but knows who did.
There are lots OF people here and
strangers arrive daily. But Il would
not advise you to come until winter
sets inland even then you needn't
bring anything but light summer
suit. You won't need an overcoat or
an umbrella or skates, but you might
bring along a palm leaf fan or two.
For an Imaginary" mythical" Gig
urative," "unorthodox," categorical"
hell this is about the hottest one |
ever got into.
But say! l got here just in time to
strike a snap. Henry Ward Beecher
had just retired on account ofage and
Mephistoples appointed me to succeed
him as boss of the New York colony,
the largest one here. | have lovely
new trident with cute little spearpoint
businesses on the tines, and the devil
has promised to get me a long red tail
and pair OF horns like his when he
goes to the city next week. He seems
to have taken fancy to me.
There are ministers here of every
denomination and several camp meet
ings are in progress down the river.
Horace Greeley introduced me to
Sturgeon and old Peter Cartwright
last night, and we had very pleasant
little lark together. They expect Tai
mage to join them before loug. /
have also shaken hands with Tom
Paine and Voltaire and find them
very pleasant gentlemen. Said they
had watched my career for some time
and were expecting me daily. Ben
franklin called on me this morning.
He is wearing his hair short now and
doesn't look so much like Queen Lii
ioukalani as he used to. l never could
tell their pictures apart.
OF course the trust is here ibigger'n
a chipmunk." Solomon oud Brigham
Young have all the women cornered
and the politicians are organizing to
defeat the present administration and
elect new devil. They want me to
make the nominating speech. You
know / nominated Blaine for presi-
dent and did it up in shape. Don't
know who will be the nominee. Jay
Gould is running we'll on account Of
his money and Judas Iscariot and
Ananias are quite as popular
l wish you could send me the
papers. l would like to know what
is being said about me. l suppose
they'll print Il lot of my old letters
and publish enough pictures OF me to
start q rogues' gallery, and every little
two by-four preacher will tell chow it
happened" and water-bralned spirit
ualists will commune with my spirit
and all that sort of thing. wish
the whole dodrotted pack were down