Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1899-10-20


sSS $j a s S$
lateGk English gUlf story n tol,
NJ. Justice Lawrence against IN
He ID an ardent golfer. Re- 8
lad . case before him In which u
it necessary to ask one Of the wit
Ies, Q boy, the usual question
ther he was acquainted with tn,
9ss ire Of an oath. The ingenious
ss ID replied: "Ot course am. Ain
ur caddie?"
young woman who played thu
"a oforte once asked Brahms, thu
poser, as to the advisability of Civ
p concert in Vienna. Are you al
W" inquired Brahms. Certainly
master; may play something fol
ooh, no, no; meant only have
new gown and gloves?" Eyes
"Pity; otherwise should have
led you not to give the concert.
, following story is going the
Is in Vienna: A we'll known Aus.
anti-Semite and statesman en-.
n iers three private soldiers
I'D you shoot me, If you were or.
Il" he asked the first. Certainly
lid obey orders" What is your
pn?" II am protestant" "Well
Vou?" to the second. II would
bu sure, although am Catho-
Ike yourself" "And you?" to the
II am a Jew, but I couldn't
syou." why, my brave fellow
" not know that am the great
~ Mti-Semite In either Austria or
Hungary" THAT is so, but you see !
4 ha va m u1In T n1ov Tho hio dunn II,
the band.'
An English police inspector being in
formed that hotel keeper was serving
game out Of season, visited the restau-
rant in plain clothes and ordered din
. ner. Waiter, partridge for me-" The
inspector finished his dinner leisurely,
and then said to the waiter: ASK the
proprietor to step this way a minute."
What for?" II wish to notify him to
appear in court tomorrow and answer
for selling partridge out Of season. I
am police officer, and have secured
the necessary evidence against him."
Waiter: 1T wasn't partridge you
had" Police inspector (uneasily):
What was it then?" Waiter Cheer
fully: Grow" The inspector swoon-
ed.
On one occasion Lord Norbury OBJ
served an attorney of doubtful reputa-
ton prospecting in the dock for bust-
ness, and determined to make an exam
pie of him. Just as the attorney was
climbing over the rails of the dock into
the court, his lordship called out:
'Jailer, one of your prisoners is escAp-
ing. Put him back Back the at!
torney was thrust, and the following
colloquy ensued: "My' lord, there is
mistake here. I am an attorney" II
am very sorry, indeed" said Lord Nor
bury, ito see one of your profession in
the dock" But, my lord, am inno-
cent" Eyes, they all say that" was the
judges reply; "a jury Of your own fell
low-countrymen must settle it." But,
my lord" exclaimed the now desperate
man, there is no indictment against
me-" "Then," said his lordship, you
& will be put back, and if no one appears
to prosecute, you will be discharged by
public proclamation at the end of the
8 assizes."
One Of the applicants for a consulate
In Japan, while James G. Blaine was
secretary Of state, was the late Samuel
Kimberley, of Baltimore, who died in
the service in Central America. After
he had presented his credentials, Mr.,
Blaine said: II should like to appoint
you, Mr.. Kimberley, but have made
1t a rule to recommend no one who does
not speak the language of the country
to which he Is sent. Do you speak
Japanese?' Certainly, Mr.. Blain,"
stammered Mr.. Kimberley; "a-ask me
s-s-something in J-J-Japanese and I'll
A-a-a-answer you." Mr.. Blaine had not
q word to say, But the Japanese post
went to another man, all the same, and
Kimberley went to Central America.
One day Kimberley met young wo-
man who threw her arms impulsively
around his neck and kissed him. See
ing her mistake, she drew back and
angrily asked: aren't you Mr.. Jones?"
"N-no-no, madam" replied Kimberley,
bowling; "I'm n-n-not, but w-w-wish
to thunder I w-w-was."