The times., 1899-03-19
The Field Primer,

hi DcOh-iONeTS nave UedTu Oi lue Flelu
Primer and some have seen it; but as
there were but fifty copies in the original
| edition these now accessible are few and
far between. The work has lately been
| reprinted, however, for the benefit of the
Field Monument Fund, the plan being to
! devote the proceeds to building mouu-
ment in memory of the poet, at Columbia,
Mo. Consequently, anyone who desires to
do SO can now obtain the unique little
book in almost exactly the same form of
the original.
For the benefit of those who do not know,
1t may be stated that the Primer was writ
ten by Field while at work on the Denver
Tribune, and was issued while the author
was yet comparatively unknown to fame.
II contains the very quintessence of Fields
peculiar and whimsical genius, and would
entitle him, had he written nothing else,
to take his place among American humor-
lists. 1t is the sort of book which We only,
of all nations of the earth, are permitted
by kind Providence to produce 1t may
also be well to remark that this not a
book for children. If they should chance
TO get hold. of copy of it they might take
the instructions seriously, and there is no
knowing what would happen. Parents of
children under ten will do well to lock
TINS interesting volume up in cupboard
till the youngsters have gone to bed.
The following extracts are taken at ran
dom as samples of the work:
The Wasp
ar around his Body, and Darning Needle in his
Tail. II you will Pat the Wasp upon the Tail,
we Will give you Nice Picture Book.
The Oyster.
Here we have an oyster. II is going to
a Church Fair. When it Gets TO the Fair
1t will Swim around in big Kettle of
Warm Water. A Lady will Stir it with Spoon,
and sell the Warm Water for Forty Cents pint
Then the Oyster will move on TO the next Fair.
In this Way the Oyster will visit all the Church
Fairs in Town, and Bring in a great many Dol
lars into the Church Treasury. The Oyster
goes great Way in Good Cause.
The Contribution Plate
1his Is Contribution Plate. 1t has just
it? Now Count very Slow, or you will
Make a Mistake. -Four Buttons, one Nickel
Blue Chip, and one Spectacle Glass.
Yes, that is Right. What will be Done with
all these Nice things3 They will be sent TO for
eign Countries for the good OF the Poor Heath
ems. How the Poor Heaihens will Rejoice
The Hash.
Is this a Chignon? No, it is Plate OF
Hash But where are the Brush and Comb? {?
We cannot serve the Hash unless we have
Brush and Comb The Comb is in the
Butter, and the Baby has put the Brush in the
Coffee Pot. Don't cry, Children, we will Give
you some nice Molases, with Pretty, green Flies
in it.
The Printer.
Behold the Printer. He is Hunting for a
Pickup of half Line. lie has been Hunt
ing for Two Hours lie could have Set the
half Line in Twenty Seconds, but il is a Matter
of Principle with him Never to set what lie Can
Pick Up. The Printer has Hard time. He
has TO Set Type all Night, and Play Pedro
for the Beer all day. We would Like to Be
Printer were it not for the Night Work.
The Baby
Here we have q Baby. II is composed OF
a Bald Head and Pair OF Lungs. One of
the Lungs takes Rest while the Other runs
the Shop. One OF then is always On Deck all
his Mother. He likes 10 Walk around with his
Father at Night. The Father does Most of the
Walking and All OF the Swearing. Little Girls,
you will Never Know what it is to be Father
The Lamp Post.
Sec the Lamp Post. BY its Dim Rays you
can Behold the Electric Light across the
Street. There is Man Leaning against
the Lamp Post. Perhaps the Lamp Post
would Fall If it Were not For the Man. AT any
rate, the Man would Fall if it We're not for the
Lamp Post What is the Matter with the Man?
He appears dsquieted. He is Trying TO Work
his Boots up Through his Mouth. He will have
titude.
Is this not a mule? Tickle his Heel and See.
You had better send for doctor and Minister.
II it had been a Piano instead of Mule you
would not Have to yourself in Sling for
the next Six Months. Do you not wish it had
been Piano?
address orders to ]. West Goodwin, Sc
dalia, Mo-