The Washington weekly post., 1899-10-24
Mr.. Bowser with Skates On.

other evening there was an air Of bland
ness about him which told Ars. Bowser
that he had bought stock Ia a rain-pro-
ducing company or was going into goat
farming, and he kept her guessing until
after dinner. Then he said:
You know how I've been bothered with
rheumatism this fall? Well. was talk
Ing 70 a doctor to-day, and he gave me
remedy for IT,"
Your rheumatism?" she replied. why,
/ haven't heard you make single com
plant for a year"
Strong men never complain. Mrs.
Bowser. They suffer on and die. There
have been times when I thought / was
being cut up alive, but not a wori has
passed my lips / should not have men
toned my sufferings now. only that !
have cure for them"
81 don't believe you've got rheumatism" :"
she bluntly exclaimed You've simply
met somebody who has put new fad into
your head and probably sold yod a gallon
OF nauseous dope for 80 OF So It's a
wonder 10 me you don't Kill yourself"
Let me ask. woman, If you are ad-
dressing yourself TO me?" quered Mr..
Bowser. as he drew himself up with the
dignity Of a governor"
"Of course / am
Then / viii remind you that / am your
husband and the boss of this house.
When ! say that have rheumatism
that / suffer excruciatlng tortare-that
have a remedy. it is not for you to call
me a liar"
But you are 80 full of fads," she pro-
tested.
Never had fad in my life. On the
contrary, / have always kept clear IF
them. Perhaps you are hoping that my
rheumatism may strike my heart and
leave you widow
We'll, what is the cure?"
'Ah, That Is more sensible. It's as
simple as A B c. It's to exercise an
hour every evening
How exercise?'
ION roller skates. UP In the garret. /
brought pair home with me this cyen-
ing"
You on roller skatesw gasped Mrs.
Bowser, as she glanced al his bulk
The same, madam, and should my
glide be displeasing to your royal high
ness you are at liberty 20 leave the house.
am not going into roller skating to get
up willOwy motion. but as a cure for
rheumatism. Have you any further i'm
pudence 10 offer"
Ii was useless for her 10 say another
word, and she maintained a discreet ST.
lence while Mr.. BOwseT got his skates
from the front hall and climbed to the
garret. He had never had a pair of
skates of any sort on his feet but his
seif-coni1dence was wonderful. He hadn't
the slightest doubt in the world that he
1 could put on those rollers and cut all
sorts of pigeon-Wings and Greek crosses
right off the reel.
Singular how that woman opposes
me-" he unused as he made ready. IF
| was dying for the want Of water she'd
call 1t fad. Let's see how this thing
goes. l must first stand up sort O. care
! lessly on both feet. Then / shoot out the
right foot-then the left, and away I 90
1t won't take me over two minutes 10 get
the hang of it,"
Mr.. Bowser started to get out OF his
chair, but something happened to his legs
winch warned him that il was safer 70
creep over to the nearest post and pull
nimseif upright. He felt a weakness and
a wobbie in his knees after he was on his
feet, and he was a long time casting loose
|
! creep into his mind, when he suddenly
fought II back and made a start. His
| right foot moved without the slightest
| trouble. 1t seemed 10 him that it moved
| flVe yards before the left one started 10
follow. Then he felt the house fail down
on him and partly lost consciousness. He
was trying to make out whether he was
| down cellar, upstairs, or on some vacant
| when
asking:
Does that go in free gratis with the
remedy?"
MIR. Bowser had sat down. One of his
feet was away OFF to the right, the other
away on to the left, while all his teeth
seemed TO be loose and his heart in his
mouth. he looked at Mrs. Bowser in a
stupid, puzzled way, and just as he had
made up his mind that he had seen heI
somewhere before she disappeared. II
took him another five minutes to rally,
! Some men would have kicked off the
| skates and defied the rheumatism 10 dc
its worst, but Mr. Bowser was game He
hadn't given up the bike until he had
gashed his scalp, broken three ribs and
lost three front teeth and nothing had
happened yet to discourage his skating.
Il see how il was" ne whispered as he
crawled to the post again. 81 made toe
long a stroke with my right foot I'll Try
a sort OF gentle glide 10 start with this
time until l get the hang of the thing"
He didn't wait for any doubts this time
The fact was, he couldn't. For some rea.
son or other his feet began to move away
with him. and he instantly decided that il
would be a good plan to have his body
follow after. Unknown 10 him, Mrs
Bowser was looking through the door
and for a minute her heart stopped beat.
ing. Mr.. Bowser went backward a few
feet and then took up gymnastics He
| clawed the air with both hands, jumped
clear of the floor. and made the most tre.
mendous efforts 10 catch up with his feet
When he found he couldn't do it, he be.
gan yelling "Police!" but at the third vel
his feet shot up and his head shot dowr
and he landed on the back Of his head
After a few minutes the rest OF his BODY
came down with a crash, and he knew nC
more. In dim. uncertain way he realiz
ed that anarchists had blown up tn,
house 10 wipe him of the face OF The
earth, but he was powerless TO lift q
finger. Ages seemed 10 pass before ht
heard the voice Of the family cook say.
ing:
why, ma'am, II was such a Jar tha;
the pots and pans in the kitchen jumped
all about! ! always said he'd kin him
self, and now he's gone and done it II
will take four policemen 10 get the body
/ down stairs"
Wheels began to whirl in Mr.. Bowser' :
head. and as they grew larger and whirIed
| faster he smelled camphor and felt W.
ter strike his face, and he opened his eyes
10 ind Mrs. Bowser kneeling over him
When she saw that he had recovered con.
sclOusness she quietly asked.
''Do you feel better of your rheumatism,
/ dearg'
Who Stuck q broom-handle between
my feet and flung me DOWN." he noarsely
! whispered.
NO one. dear. You were practicing the
glide all alone when your feet got aWay
from you. Can you tell how many bones
| are brokenr'
"But some one surely kicked mer'
only the skates. Shall the cook ard
] drag you down stairs now, or do you