Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-02-12

alone, but refer specifically to an infalii- |
BILE process which invariably produces |
feminine wrath. II your wife Is In a
particularly good humor and Is SO sweet
tempered and amiable that YOU are
suspicious. you can check her at once BY
making some facetiouS alluslon TO what
you would do IL you were a widower.
For instance. IL you cheerfully say. THE
next time 1 marry I'm going TO get
blonde gal" she will flare up like ignited
oil and spit at you after the manner OF an
angry cat. Very often we old ROSTERS
| just for the fun and danger of the thing
| discuss In a semi-serious way our plans
| for second or third or fourth matrimonial
| ventures. and. goodness me. the indigna-
| tion It produces is something simply
startling.
"Oh. yes" snaps out the good but
| self-assertive woman when she hears
! these comments, you think you're fun
ny, don't you? But if you ever do in
tend to marry again I'd like to see the
fool OF a woman who accepts you
II could have a talk with her first and
tell her some Of the things I know /
don't imagine you'd stand much Of a
chance"
And when you proudly inform your in
dignant consort that she doesn't know a
good thing when she's got it. she fierce
~ replies Good thing. the cats foot.
That's Just like all OF you men. Conceitl
concelti conceitl / haven't a doubt to-
day that you think you could win the
alteration Of the sweetest, freshest, little
16-year-old in the land. Now, you'd be
pretty-looking thing wouldn't you,
skylarking around among a lot OF nice
young girls? They'd want 10 eat you up,
you're so nice. 1t would almost be worth
I my dying just to have chance to look
down on such a sight. But I'm not COINS
to die. Do you hear that? I'm not goine
to die. I'm going TO live just for the
sake Of humanity and to save other wo
men from what I've gotten into
After you've heard a few remarks o
this character you don't feel quite 50 ga
and giddy as you did at first. and. on tn
whole. YOU realize that you would be will
e ing to let the subject drop. But, in tn
: course Of events, you'll find that ii Ism
. always so easy TO drop some Of the thing
! you've taken hold OF. Your wife's pul
u nacity is thoroughly aroused and II
: not her purpose to let you down easil!
a After she has furiously busted several OF
q iects i'm the room she resumes: THAT
the most brutal thing man can say.
u think The idea Of your talking abOI
. being n wdower right before my fac
u when I'm shaving and shaving and diggin
and delving for you every hour OF M
= life. You try TO make me think YOU
: Joking, but you can't fool me. l wOuldn
{ give you six months after my death
. keep straight Probably you'd be win
70 ing at some girl at my funeral. And no'
= while you're talking so big, what do W
;, think I'd do if / were a widow? "
~ know men don't think I'm such nond
= script. nothing Of a nonenuiy, as "
=, appear to regard me. You were not q
III only man that wanted 70 get me, I'd ha
you 10 know. ] didn't have to beg yo
and I don't reckon I'd have to go beggil
ne again. Put that in your pipe and smo
10 II. Stranger things have happened, an
p what's more I'd be bless-take-it po
8 sort of woman If I didn't stand bett
u chance of contracting second maria
than YOU. The fact that drew the poo
IL est stick in America on one occasl
oy doesn't necessarily imply that I'll do
,, / again"
IS Now you find yourself getting mad a
n Won are astonished 10 see how ohensi
IN your wife can make herself on very SIN
IL nrovooation. Somehow you feel that y
no ought to say something very witty
ny cutting. but the idea doesn't quite ST
n oest itself TO you. SO after a little VIII
rs Won remain silent, though you feel Tn
YOU have been very badly treated.