River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-09-14
UnappreCiated HumOr
hHOW'D you like to be the iceman?'
II IL. 4i...,....,. rr,.r, n g


HOW'D you like to be the iceman?"
inquired the stationery man as
he walked into the shop where the
South side tailor was cutting the sleeves
of a morning coat out of a piece of
black Melton. As he spoke he threw
back the lapel of his waistcoat and dis
closed, pinned on the inside, minia-
ture pair of ice tongs holding cube of
glass.
The tailor looked at him with the bit
ter scorn, and the anticipatory grin on
the stationery mans face became
sheepish and slowly faded away.
81 suppose you expect me TO haw-haw
right out at that" remarked the tailor,
rubbing the dent that the shears had
made in his thumb. You thought I'd
wipe my eyes and tell you that's about
the best thing ever seen and ask you TO
let me have it to take home and show
my wife. You haven't read the direc-
tions on the wrapper. What you want
TO do is to wait until some other chump
asks YOU the same darn fool question.
Then you spring that funny little toy
on him and give him the equine giggle,
and he naturally concludes he's got to
buy you 1872 cents worth of liquor to
square himself. Amt | right?"
Sure thing, you are-on the drink
proposition replied the stationery
man. ''The joke would be on him,
wouldn't it? He'd be a lobster if he
didn't buy"
I've got you down fine" said the
tailor. when the other chump says:
Let's go and take something on that,
he shows that he's a good fellow and
don't lay it up against you because
you're smart. How much did you pay
for that little piece of brick-a-brack?"
"Ony one nick" said the stationery
man, buttoning up his waistcoat again.
II might have got two for ten cents if
/ had thought of it. Say! The Teller
that got those up was dandy. I'd like
to have all the good stuff he gets out of
it,"
so would IT, agreed the tailor;
there's enough weak-minded persons
right here in Chicago TO make him rich.
So you gave five cents for that? That
means enough to knock the profits off
a stick of liquorice and two or three
evening papers. Perhaps an afternoons
sale. You give that up without a muir
muir for thing an intelligent five-year-
old kid would pass up. I'm sorry for.
you, am, on the dead"
The tailor resumed his cutting, and
the stationery man whistled an air that
3 l., L,
of the tailor's reproof and appeared to
be revolving some sort of retort in his
mind. Presently he said: Il suppose
you've had another misfit suit thrown
back on your hands"
"Why SOP" asked the tailor, blandly.
81 notice that you get one of those
prickly grouches on you whenever that
happens. I'd hate to be your family"
Don't feel bad about it, said the
tailor. II didn't mean TO make you feel
as if you wasn't welcome. You don't
want to get the idee that | was mad. l
Just got spell of nausea. I'm subject
to them when man comes around and
makes them kind of cracks Why do
YOU ask me how I'd like to be the ice
man? Where does the funny part come
in? | suppose you mean TO say that
the iceman has good time while the
hot weather lasts. That's all right. As
a matter of fact the iceman that comes
around in this street has to sit in the
sun to drive and then he has to drag
anywhere from ten to hundred pounds
of ice about the sidewalk, and nine
women out of twelve tell him that they
know there amt no ten pounds in that
piece. And then the weather amt hot
now-it's been cool summer. But
Wen say he does have good time. Is
that the reason why YOU smoker when
YOU talk about him? Put me next. l
want to laugh too if ! can get good
reason for it."
~ man who wants reason for laugh
ing before he commits himself can get
a Job as funeral director most any
where's" said the stationery man. You
don't want to be the iceman; you're a
double condenser ice plant yourself.
It's gag. if you want to know, just one
of them gags that people get Off
Il wish it was one of the kind people
can't get off, said the tailor, viciously.
1T would save a whole lot of suffering.
Id like to gag every man the minute
he bought one of them things and tie
his hands so he couldn't make motions.
If l remember rightly you were one of
the first men in the city TO buy chest
nut bell and the last to give il up.
That's right" said the stationer
with an air of modest pride. MY
cousin in New York sent me one by
mail just as soon "a they come out
there
Its too bad we have TO look to New
York for all our bright idees," said the
tailor Seems as if we ought to be able
to get up something of the kind right
here in Chicago or Dunning, anyway.
You got lots of fun out of that bell,
didn't you?"
81 rung you off a time or two" said
the stationer. defautly.
you did admitted the tailor. You
would come in here and if you couldn't
do anything else you would ask me
what l thought of the weather. and ring
when / said that it looked like rain
Nobody could come around you and
open his face but you had TO ring. You
NGElGNtNQ y Jul hhSthNSN JUST AAC SAINT
as you're doing now, and went about
tinkling that little gong like a knife
grinders barrow. You thought YOU
were the 'cutest thing ever happened
until you got thrown out of that vaude-
Vile house for ringing off the Irish
specialist"