Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-03-01
THE JOLLY IRISH JARvEY.
A Ro1Ifcking Blade Who LIS Never at
On Loss for q Witty
Reply.

The Irish carman-or "the jarvey,"
as he is styled in his native isle--en-
joys wide celebrity as comical fell
low. Sometimes his humor is abso-
lutely unconscious. He says the
quaintest things imaginable without
the slightest striving after effect, or
the least intention of being funny. But
oftenest he is consciously drol. He
possesses rich fund of wit and humor,
a readiness in goodhumored retort
and a mellif1uous brogue which make
him an excellent travelling companion
on q long drive.
A proprietor of hotel, overhearing
a car driver in Cork asking an exor-
bitant fare of an unsuspecting foreign
er, expostulated with him on his exag
geration of the tariff, concluding with
the reproof: 81 wonder you haven't
more regard for the truth" "Och, in
deed, thin, I've great deal more re-
gard for the truth than to be draggin'
her out on every palthrey OCCASION"
was the reply. The sarcasm of their
rhetoric is, as rule, deprived Of it's
sting by the quaint manner in which
it is employed. A very stout Dublin
citizen, whose trade was that of
furrier, once offered a jarvey at the
end of a journey the modest sum of
sixpence. ''Is that all you're givin'
me?' said the car driver, Indignantly.
"Yes," replied the furrier, that's all
your legal fare, and it's all you'll get
from me, SO take it and 60" The jar
vey, seeing it was hopeless to extract
any more money from the furrier, and
determined to have it out of him some
how, concentrated all the scorn and
contempt he could into his voice and
facial expression, and exclaimed:
"Arrah, 60 lang out O. that, ye ould
boa constructor" The two-fold al
fusion in this retort so tickled the sub
ject of it that he never let slip an OPP
portunity of repeating it.
A visitor to Ireland who engaged
car at the North Wall, Dublin, prom
ised the driver two shillings six pence
more than his fare if he succeeded in
catching a certain train at Kings
bridge. This the driver failed to do,
but he claimed the extra half crown
notwithstanding. "Sure it's no fault
of me or me haste that We missed the
train, yer honor" he quantity argued;
cts all OWN to the lateness of the
boat, and would your honor be so
hard as to punish me for that?"
Just now there is a good story going
the round of the Dublin dinner tables.
\ military officer who was passing
through the Tirah campaign was re-
Gently on visit to the Irish metropo-
lis. He engaged a car to drive him
from the Richmond barracks to the
Kildare street club, and on arrival at
his destination presented the driver
with shilling. Pat fixed his eyes at
tentively on the coin and CALCULATED
viciously: "Wisha bad luck TO the
Afradays!" "Why?" asked the officer.
Because, thin they've killed all the
girtlemen that fought agin EN-" The
officer was so tickled by the remark
that he promptly paid the double fare.
They can be sarcastic at times, these
jarveys. An English traveller COM
planned at the unevenness of the roads
over which he was being driven.
y'd import thin to England" was the
ready response. Some years ago the
lord mayor of Dublin happened to be
ali exceedingly superior and hdgety
person, who was enormously i'm
pressed by the dignity of the office to
which he had been elected for year.
One day his carriage was stopped by
an ancient ''four-wheeler," which i'm
pudently turned round in Dawson
street, under the very shadow of the
Mansion house, and thus checked the
civic dignitary's horses in their fiery
career. An alteration took place be-
tween the footman and the driver of
the cab, and the lord mayor, putting
lis head out of the window, cried:
"Mahony, take his number and have
him summoned" The jarvey. with
appalling audacity, retorted: 'Arrah,
go in out O that, We twelve months
aristocrat,'' and drove off. The drivers
vent the powers of sarcasm on them
selves. A friend of mine landing on Kill
rush pier, on his way to Kilkee, gave his
luggage to one of the dozen fellows
who clamored vociferously for his pa
tronage. The others then began ejacu-
lations like these: May 1 niver, if the
gentleman is not going with Feeney,"
"FaiX, he'll be in Kilkee for breakfast
tomorrow lnornin' if no bad luck over
takes him." Och, Feeney, yer mother
had little to do when she rared the
likes of YOU" "Niver mind thin, sir"
cried Feeney to his fare, 1.-The divil has
hard work to furnish these fellows
with lies. There's not betther horse
nor purifier wan than mine in the
kingdom. Well be ia Kilkee, sir, be-
fore you're comfortably seated in the
car."-London Telegraph.
How to Make a Savage Your Friend.
NJ. De Rougemont, the modern Rob-
inson Crusoe, whose story of adven-
lures in the wilds of Australia and else
where is just now the talk of London,
has been telling, among other things,
how white man may become persona
grata to a savage. M. De Rougemont,
who has lived SO long among the abo-