The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1899-11-11
A QUACK'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY
The Beginning of DIR. Weir NitcheIrs
New story I'm the Century.

DR.. Weir Mitchell begins in the November
Century grimly humorous tale entitled
THE Autobiography of Quack. How the
autobiography came to be written Is told
in the opening paragraphs:
At this present moment or time i am
what the doctors call an interesting case,
and ana to be found in bed No. 10, Ward H.
Massachusetts General Hospital. i am told
that / have what is called Addisons dis
ease, and that it is this pleasing malady
which causes me to be covered with large
blotches of dark mulatto tint. However,
it is a rather grim subject To joke about.
because, If l believed the doctor who comes
around every day, and thumps me. and
listens to my chest with as much pleasure
as If l were music all through say if 1
really believed him, should suppose / was
going TO die. The fact Is, / don't believe
him at all. Some of these days L shall take
n turn and get about again. but meanwhile
IL is rather dull for a stirring, active person
like me to have TO lie still and watch my
self getting big brown and yellow spots all
over me, like a map that has taken TO
growing.
The man on my right has consumption
smells of cod liver oil and coughs all night.
The man on my left is down-easter with
a liver which has struck work: looks like
a human pumpkin; and how he contrives to
white jackstraws all day, and eat as he
does. / can't understand. i have tried read
ing and tried whiting, but they don't
either Of them satisfy me, so that yesterday
/ concluded TO ask the doctor If he couldn't
suggest some other amusement
/ waited until he had gone through the
ward, and then seized my chance, and asked
MIN 10 STOP
We'll. my man." said he. what do you
WANT
/ thought him rather disrespectful. but
replied. Something to do, doctor"
He thought little and then said: IN
tell you what to do. / think If you were to
write out a plain account or your life It
would be pretty well worth reading and
perhaps would serve to occupy you for "A
few days AT least. II half of what YOU told
q last week De true you must be about az
clever a scamp as there is to be met with
ard L suppose YOU would just as lief put IL
on paper as talk It,"
Pretty nearly" said I. II think will try
it, doctor"
After he left ! lay awhile thinking over
the matter. | knew well that I was what
the world calls a scamp and / knew also
that / had got little good out of the fact.
If man is what people call virtuous and
fails in life he gets credit al least for the
virtue. but when a man is a-iS-well. one
of liberal views and breaks down somehow
or other people don't credit him with
the intelligence he has put into the busi-
ness. This / call hard. If | did not recall
with satisfaction the energy and skill with
which L did my work | should be nothing
but disguised at the melancholy spectacle
of my failure I suppose that shall at
| least find occupation i'm reviewing all this.
and think. therefore. for my own satisfac-
| ton / shall try 10 amuse my convalescence
| by writing a plain. straightforward account
| OF the life | have led and the various de-
| vices by which | have sought TO get my
| share Of the money of my countrymen.