Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1899-08-05
PAW FO0ZLES BADLY
GEoRGIE'S DAD MAKES ANOTHER
SAD EXHIBITION OF HIMSELF.

He Undertakes to show How the An
cfent and Honorable Game Should
Be Played But Let oeorEie Tell
the story For Himsclf.
My Uncle Fred Got paw to go out
playin Golf yistady afternoon. Thay
went over to the park WHARF they are
some Link, and me and nav and Little
albert and the pupp went Along to See
the Fun.
Il never thot / would cum to this, -
paw Says, "but l spose l got to Be in
fashun. They amt no Game to This
Thing What's the use of Gittin a
Fancy SCOT fer Sich make Beleave
munky bizness? l could play golf with
my overcote on. If thay was sumboddy
pitchin the Ball and putin curves on
to it they mite Be Sum Sense in Tryin
to Hit it. But WHARF the Ball is Layin
Still ennybuddy ca1ld Hit it without
Half Tryin. 1t ain't nothin But shiny
with a Little style throwed in used
TO Be graft at that. and ennybuddy
what ever played Shiny can play This
game rite off. l Bet l kin mock that
Ball so fur the Furst whack l give it
That nobuddy won't never Find it no
more.
"All rite, - says Uncle Fred. ''come
on and Let's see you Do it.
So He put the Ball on Top of a Lit
tie pile of Sand and Give paw one of
the clubs, and paw He Begin to Swing
it Up and Down, and NAV she Hollered
to waite till she could Git Behind a
Tree. and then she made me and little
Albert git out of the way. and paw He
Hawled off and Hit with all His mite.
lie never Tutched the Ball, But the
Handle of His Club Cot His watch
Cbane. and when | seen His Watch
Coin Thru the are l thot paw Had made
a Drive what was Coin to Brake the
record. and l Hollered:
"Good fer you. paw. 1 bet you kin
Hole Down in Three and Beat Bogey
the First Time
Paw Didn' stop TO Say notbin. But
started after the Watch. We Found
and Then paw Went Back to Try it
agin.
After He struck that Time NAV says:
Paw. wait I'll Send George Home
fer the Garden spade.
"What Fur?'' paw asst.
''Becoz you kin Dig up the Sod a
Good deal easier with it Than you kin
with that club. NAV Says LIT would
Take you all afternoon to Dig up a
place four foot SQuair with That
Thing"
Paw treated nav with cold Disdain.
That's what nav Sed it Was emmy
how, only | Diden't See nothin Very
Cold about it. Paw was purity Hot.
But after while He Hit the Ball. and it
went rollin along about Fifty feat. e.
Paw diden't Have no Golf Shoes on
with them iron Things in the Soles. SO
His Shoes Got purity Slippery. and
uncle Fred picked out anuther club Fer
Him, and paw walked Down to WHARF
the Ball was Layin and was Coin to
Hit it agin. T..
Uncle Fred Hollered Fore" at Sum-
buddy about Half mile ahed. and
Then paw He joggled His club mint
and Then Hauled off with all His mite
and Let 60
] Don't no whether it was paws
Back Bone what made the crack or
whether it was His Busted Suspenders,
Mebby it Was only His Teath Comm
Together When He Set Down.
After while When He Begin to Take
a ninterest in Things agin He Says:
"a Person Back amt Broke if He
kin move His toes, is it?''
mo" says Uncle Fred, "try it,
So paw moved one Foot Little and
Then the other and Rolled over on the
Grass and Says to Nav:
eff you wasn't Such a Blame fool
about always Bein afrade to go out on
the Water we mite of Went on a Bote
excursion Toda. and This Woulden't of
Happened. GEORGE
Chicago Times-Heraid.