Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-12-30
| Mr.. JOBSON ON RABIES

muZzling agitation Mr.. Jobson was OPP
posed to it. 1t should be said. in passing
| that Mr.. Jobson belongs to that exceedingly
large class of householders who begin by
bitterly resenting all new local ordinances,
only to wind up by shouting the praises OF
the same from the housetops.
"Huh"' said Mr.. Jobson to Mrs. Jobson
when he first read of the movement to
make the muzzIing of dogs compulsory in
the District. Now IT'S suggested that all
of our pups and dogs shall have their heads
damned into traps! What do you think of
such balderdash as
Il understand that it is a movement
tending to protect the public ventured
SO many mad dogs that"
oh, you believe in the scheme, then,
Mrs. Jobson. l see," cut in Mr.. Jobson.
We'll, l might ha' known that, seeing that
l think it's the rankest imbeciity ever
heard of. Mad dogs, you say, Mrs. job
son? Let me tell you something: If there
were half as many mad dogs running
around loose, swapping and snarling. as
there are mad human beings, this earth
would be bowling bedlam and unfit to
live in within just ten days. All this talk
about the millions and octillions of mad
dogs that're rearing and roaring around,
trying to get bite at
But as 1 understand it, mildly sug-
gested Mrs. JobsOn, lit is simply a meas
ure of precaution, taken to prevent the
spread of rabies
There you re at it again, Mrs. JobSOn!'
said Mr.. Jobson, throwing down his paper
and jumping up and stamping around.
There you go canting on another one of
those subjects that you know just as much
about as L know about TurkeStan. Rabies!
Madame, will you be good enough to devote
about four minutes of your valuable time
to lucid, graphic, terse explanation, for
my low, common, benighted benefit, OF
that t11n . Cn
dressing, does it resemble in it's general
outlines that mouchoir receiver you made
me for Christmas? Is it peculiar to North
American dogs alone, or can the common,
domestic, house jaguar of Honduras get
it and gloat over it? Is it served cold,
with hard sauce, or is it fetched in, pip
ing hot, with cheap cooking brandy naming
over the top of it? Did you learn all about
rabies at the same time that you picked
up Honiton lace work, OF did you get your
wealth of information about it FROM
why, it's simply what I've read about
the disease that began Mrs. Jooso OF :. o.,
"Oh. it what you've read about it. is 1t?
said Mr.. Jobson. well, if you're going to
embark in the business of believing every
thing you read, Mrs Jobson, you'll be so
inflated after while that you'll go right
up into the air without pinions! You'll be
believing about those frogs that hop out
of solid pieces of coal, weighing $3.50. 40
pounds. said pieces of coal having formed
themselves about 81 ,275 years ago
well-defined a disease in dogs AS
LAS pneumonia, or the measles, or the
mumps, in the human species, eh?' inter-
rupted Mr.. Jobson well, just to set you
right in that matter I'll inform you that
there's no such thing as rabies-that rab-
les only exists in the heads of a lot of Wild
eyed fanatics-that all scientific men of rep
utatiOn simply grin from ear to ear when
they read these newspaper accounts of
dog-btten human beings shlldering and
frothing at the mouth-that the rabies is
among us TO about the same extent as the
dodo. the juDjub bird and the jabberW Ock,
Rabies is bogie man, with which to scare
infants in arms, but for
What ais the creatures, then, when
they begin to grewl ard
What ais 'eu." bawled Mr.. Jobson.
Madame, thereWere times in my life, long
before l met you. when l was hungry ard
cold-starved ana freezing-and l want to
tell you that did whole heap of growing
myself Just BECAUSE lot of poor ne
elected. kicked around stray dogs happen
to be trying the best they know now to
pick up a precaEoussslivng N this COM
munity, and teeause gone or two Of EN-
have become so sore and wrought up over
the situation that they've given audible
manifestation to their sentiments il. the
premises. a lot Of long haired scientific, or
that the whole poputation of the District
of Columbia is in danger of determination
from mad dogs! F1'n tell you
Just then Mr.. Jobsoms Hext-door neighbor
diopPtu Ii IOEs "a -tdIh ABOUT the Dill 1Or
pensioning civil employees, and Mr.. .Iobson
Look here. ROBSON he said, what do
you think of this COMPOUNDED dog-muzzfing
away back and that fox terrier of mine 5
going to run around this town all he wants
to- without any trap on his head, either.
If there's any one thing that I'D Oe cal
cuiated to drive that dog of mine mad 1t
would be to put a mtzzle on him; he's high
strung, like all registered Thoroughbred
dogs. and he'd be dancing around like a
whirling dervish n no time at all"
Il m with you" said Mr.. Jobson's neigh
Dor. Don't believe in the business at all.
My bull terriers as harmless as a kitten,
and I'd as lief put muzzle on myself as To
decorate that dog with of the contriv-
ances- l m going to let him run about too.
and
And if any dog catcher or policeman has
the gall TO try to work your dog into the
pound because the dogs unmuzZled you IL
carry the matter to the Supreme Court of
the United States to get justice. That $
what III do, and that's what you'll do.
Wen just call that bargain, if you re
agreeable"
After some further talk along similar
lines Mr.. Jobson's neighbor took his leave
Mr.. Jobson, filled with a new affection for
an animal upon which a heartless govern
ment desired to perpetrate unheard-of in
famies, went out into his back yard to have
a romp with his fox terrier. 1t so happened
that Mr.. Jobson's neighbor was in the back
yard OF his nome at the same time, putting
some fresh straw in the kennel of his bull
terrier. The bull terrier was turned loose
during the remaking of his bed, and he
heard the gyratings and the cavortings of
the fox terrier in Mr.. Jobson's yard. He
was over the fence within eight seconds
after having been turned loose. and then
Mr. JobSonS fox terrier found himself in
real, poignant trouble. The bull terrier
proceeded to make a sad hash of his
neghbor, the fox terrier. The yelpngS of
the latter could be heard three blocks. Mr..
JobSon got barrel Stave out of the wood
shed and beabored the unfeeing bull ter
rier, and Mr.. Jobson's neighbor. who had
leaped the fence upon hearing the conflict,
sedulously applied a club to the fox ter
rier. From that Mr.. Jobson and his neigh
Dor got to applying their respective clubs
to each other.
Take that devilish NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
brute out o. here! shouted MI. Jobson.
IF you don't remove that mad dog from
my premises in just exactly twelve seconds
I'll land you in states prison for know
ingly maliciously and vicously harboring
a dog that you know has got rabies in its
worst form!''
With the aid of a two-inch stream of
water from hose and a couple of crow
bars the two dogs were pried loose. The
next evening both of them were ornament
ed with brand-new muzZles.
.'Yo,ye changed your mind about muZ-