Arizona republican., 1899-02-04
NEGOTIATIONS or
 MARTIN DOOLEY

"Whin we plant what Hogan calls tn starry banner iv Freedom in tn Ph'hppeenes, said MT. Dooley, "an' give tn sacred blessin' iv liberty to tn
 poor, down-throdden people iY thim unfortunate isles-dam thim-we'll laln thim a lesson
 Sure" said MT. Hennessy, sadly, we have a thing or two to larn our silves"
 But it isn't fir thim to larn us,' said MT. Dooley ''Tis not fir thim wretched an degraded crathers, with out mind or shirt iv their own, fir to give lessons in politeness an liberty to a nation that manyfacthers more dhressed beef than amy other inn peryal nation in tn wurruld We say to thim: 'Naygurs,' we say, poor, dis solute, uncovered 'wretches. says we, whin tn crool hand iv Spain forged man'cles fir ye'er limbs, as Hogan says, who was it crossed tn say an sthruck off tn comealongs? We did, by dad, we did. An now, ye mis'rable, childish-minded apes, we propose f'r to larn ye tn uses iv liberty. In ivry city in this unfair land we will erect schoolhouses, an packin' houses an houses iv correction, an we'll larn ye our language, because 'tiS aiSier to larn ye ours than to larn ourSilves yours, an we'll give ye clothes if ye pay f thim, an if ye don't ye can go with out an whin ye'er hungry ye can go to tn mOrgue-We mane tn reSth rant an ate a good square meal iv army beef An we'll sind tn great Gin ral Eagan over fir to larn ye etiket an Andrew Carnegie to larn ye pathreet- ism with blow-holes into it, an Gin'ral Alger to larn ye to hCuld onto job, an whin ye've become edycated an have all tn blessin's iv civilization that we don't want, thatll count ye wan. We cant give ye amy votes be- cause we haven't more thin enough to go round now, but we'll threat ye tn way a father shud threat his childher if we have to breay ivry bone in ye'er bodies. So come to our arms, says we.
 But, glory be, 'tis more like a ras- slim match than fathers embrace. Up gets this little monkey iv an Ague- says. We thank ye kindly, but we be- lieve,' he says, in pathronizin' home industhries,' he says, am he says, I have on hand he says, 'an' fir sale,' he says, a very superyOr brand iv homemade liberty like ye'er mother used to make he says. Iris a long way firm ye'er plant to here he says, an be tn time a cargo iv liberty he says, got out here an was handled be tn middlemen,' he says, it might spoil, he says. We don't want amy col storage or embalmed liberty he says. What we want an what tn oI reliable house iv Aguenaldoo, he says. l supplies to tn thrade, he says, is fr-resh liberty r-right off tn far-rm,' ne says. T can't do anything with yeer proposition he says. T can't l give up,' he says, tn rights f'r which l fr five years I've fought an bled ivry wan I cud r-reach,' he says. 'Onless,' he says, 'ye'd feel like buyin' out tn whole business he says. Pm pa- thrite,' he says, but I'm no bigot,' he says.
 An there it stands, Hinnissy, with th' indulgent parent kneelin' on tn stomach iv his adopted child, while a dil1ygation firm Boston bastes him with an umbrella. There it stands, | an how will it come out I dinnawi I'm | not much iv an expansionist mesilf. | F'r tn las tin years I've been thryin | to decide whether 'twuld be- good policy l an' thrue to me thraditions to make