Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1899-06-22
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rlCncS. byFne COyue-NO, put your
riches in trusts.-Life.
She-Why do married men live longer
than single ones? He-They don't; 1t
only seems longer.-Ex.
He-You can't always judge mans
character by his clothes. She-You
can by those of his Yife!-Judy.
81 understand that old Gotrox made
his fortune out of a simple invention"
"No, out of simple inventor"
Tommy-Mamma, why have you got
papa's hair in a locket? His Mother
To remind me that he once had
some, Tommy.
SIS Tommie any relation Of yoursT
asked a gentleman of Robbie; "he has
the same name as yours" YES" said
Bobbie, mis- pap married my mamma"
Bazaar.
Coroner-Was the victim conscious
when you reached him? Pat-Yis, sor;
he worr. But bechune us, l don't be-
lave he knew ut.-Philadelphia North
American.
"Your friend has a wonderful mem
ory" "Marvelousw 'Never fails
him?" 81 don't know about that.
never saw him on the witness stand"
Washington Star.
"some day." said the high browed
young man, II expect to have the
world at my feet" what have you
been doing all this time" snarled the
cynic; walking on your hands?"-
Washington Star.
"And you have made Jim Jackson a
deacon in your church?' Eyes, sab.
Dat is, he's brevet deacon, sah." And
what's brevet deacon, GeorgeW
He's deacon dat don't handle no
money, sah.' '-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"Why does he make all those mo-
tons with his arm before he pitches
the ball?" "Those are signals to the
catcher. The two men always work
in concert" Dear me! Is that the
concert pitch I've heard about so
often ?"-Chicago Tribune.
did the Investigator annoy your
mot much" answered the practical
politician, who had just been one the
witness stand; ''it puzzled me lit
tie now and then to decide whether
should say, I decline to answer or I
don't remember Washington Star.
Once upon a time beggar Emporium
ed lawyer for aims. LET me give
you some valuable advice" said the
lawyer. I'D rather you sold the adj
vice and gave me the proceeds" ven-
tured the beggar trying not to seem
forward or obtrusive.-Detroit Jour-
nal.
Mrs Homespun (suspiciously)-I won
writ in Latin, Josiah? Mr.. Homespun
(grimly)-Wal, Sarah, to tell you the
truth, 1 think the perfessers have got
suthin' to say about Henry in that
diploma they don't want us to know
about-Puck.
81 thought you advertised home
farer' said the summer boarder, indig-
nantly. WAL" replied Farmer Corn
tossel, chats what you're gettin'-
canned peaches, canned tomattusses,
canned corned beef, and condensed
milk, the same as you're used to-
Washington Star.
Miss Blickens-I saw you get up and
give your seat in the car to tired old
lady yesterday. Mr.. Blimbus-Yes,
am in the habit of doing that. Miss
Blickens-That is very good Of you,
am sure; but do you always compel
them to wait until the conductor calls
your station ?-Chicago News. q
Mrs. Guff-What might be the mat
ter, Mrs. McDuffer? Sure and We look
moighty puzzled. Mrs. McDuffer-And
l am that, Mrs. Cuff; want to buy
quarter Of pound of tay and a new
glass buther dish, and by this and by
that I don't know whether to buy my
tay at the shop where they give away
the buther dishes, or to purchase my
buther dish at the place where they
give away the tay.-Tit-Bits.
Young man." said the senator to the
reporter, you have done me irrepar-
able harm" "What have doneY ask
ed the bewildered reporter. II got in
largely on a temperance platform, as
you may recollect." Eyes, sir" "And
you speak of me in this mornings pa
per as drinking my coffee with gusto.'
1t will take me more than a lifetime to
get it out Of the heads Of my constitu-
ents that gusto isn't some kind of alco-
holc beverage"
An enthusiastic professor was advo-
eating the advantages of athletic exer-
else "The Roman youths" he cried,
FUSED to swim three times across the
Tiber before breakfast" A Scotch stu
dent smiled, at which the irate pro-
fessor exclaimed: 'Mr. McAllister,
why do you smile? We shall be glad
to share your amusement" The canny
Scot replied: 81 was just thinking, sir,
that the Roman youths must have left
their clothes on the wrong bank at the
Of hot WIN -