davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
An Aquarium Basso Profundo.
New orleans Times-Democrat.)

New orleans I1meS-DeInOcrdt-j
A sea bass sang in his own deep voice
In the new aquarium:
"Oh. Lady Lobster of my choice
To thee a song | hunt
A song / sing of long ago,
Ere we became, alas!
A part of a tank and drama show
On the damp side of this glass.
"Dost remember. love, how 1 sought thy
hand,
Or rather. thy attennae,
As we wandered over the oceans sand
In those times so far away2
Dost recall the dear old coral grove,
So dark and cool and wet,
Where claw in fin. we were wont TO rove
With never a thought OF net?
"Ah, lady, vert thou but my summer girl
In those dear days in the sea?
And can it be that the city 5 whirl
Has turned thy love from me?
OF the. city SWANS. dear one, beware,
For their hearts are filled with guile,
Though they say that they love thee' lazy
fair.
Twill be but in the Newburg style"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Got His Wives Mixed.

Early in this century man named
Church lost four wives. who were buried
in the same lot in the old cemetery at
Athol, Mass. In course of time it be-
came necessary to remove the remains to
another cemetery. The bereaved hus-
band. says the Chicago Record. under
took the job himself. but in conveying
the sainted dead in a furniture wagon,
the bones. unfortunately, got mixed. and
when ready for refinement he was I'M
able to tell which was Emily and which
was Hannah, etc.
Being very conscientious man. he
feared it would be wrong to use the
headstones, so he procured new ones.
which were inscribed as follows: Here
lies Hannah Church. and probably por-
ton of Emily. who was born, etc On
another stone as follows: Sacred to the
memory of Emily Church, who seems TO
be mixed with Matilda. who was born,
etc Then followed these lines:
Stranger, pause and drop a tear.
For Emily Church lies buried here,
Mixed in some perplexing manner
With Mary, Matilda and probably Han
nah"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
A LIVE MANS FUNERAL.
A Japanese Who Saw That Every
thing Was Done Decently.
Chicago Record.)

A curious incident is related by the
Japanese papers. Mr. Kumekawa. of
Kobe. like every other intelligent Japan
csc. desired that his funeral should be
attended by ceremonies appropriate to
his rank and social position. and in order
that he might not be disappointed in this
respect, having reached his seventy-sev-
enth year. and feeling that his days were
numbered, he determined to have his
funeral in advance and make the ar
rangements himself Therefore, on the
day appointed his relatives and friends
were invited TO his house and gathered
paraphernalia of mourning and engaged
in the most elaborate Buddhist ceremony
that could be devised. Mr.. Kumekawa
sat at the head of the casket and
watched with interest all that was going
on.
After the ceremonies at the house were
which marched through the principal
streets to the cemetery. Mr.. Kumekawa
walked in front of his own coffin. The
floral offerings were numerous and beauti-
full. The Kobe City band led the pro-
cession and played modern airs. while
at intervals were groups of dancing girls
and members of the theatrical profession.
who performed pantomime allegories to
illustrate the nobility of Mr.. kume-
kawa's character and the loss that was
suffered by the community at his death
Just before reaching the gates of the
cemetery the procession was halted and
several photographs Were taken. After
the coffin had been lowered into the
grave and covered with floral offerings
the funeral party proceeded to the Jinko
club, where an elaborate feast was
served. and speeches eulogistic of Mr.
Kumekawa We're delivered by several of
his friends
Mr.. Kumekawa was thoroughly satisfied
with the success of his funeral, although
1t cost him a large sum of money. and
he may now depart in peace knowing
that all the rites have been observed and
when he dies it is only necessary for his
family to place his body in the coffin
that lies in the ground.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
The Seven Ages of Woman.

Up. r. Oliver in New York SUM-
At first the infants cap, soft. warm and
white,
With strings well mouthed and mauled. in
sorry plight.
The giddy schoolgirls hat. waif and
stray;
ANY old thing that binders not her play.
The budding maiden's hat. pert. smart, or
trim,
According to sweet sixteen's" mood or
within.
Bravest of ALL the bridal wreath and veil,
Which marks life's great event and turns
the scale.
The new-hedged matron's dream" by
Worth designed,
Which hubby pays for. signs and looks
resigned.
The wen-planned bonnet of the chaperon.
Which hides times ravages from her
alone.
Last scene of all. the widows ruch and
weeds,
Sans feathers. flowers, ribbons, lace or
beads.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
WHERE THE REAL CURIOS LIVE

a London announcement says: Lake
Tanganyika, in Africa, offers a unique
field for scientific exploration. This re-
gion, like Australia, is one of the few
localities where animals still live that
have become extinct elsewhere, certain
whelklike mollusks of this lake appear
ing to have been derived from the
ocean and to be identified with fossil
forms of old Jurassic seas, in Europe.
This famine fauna does not appear in
Nyassa, Mwero, Bangweolo or other
lakes whose animals are known. 1t may
yet be found, however, in Lakes Kivu,
Albert Edward and Albert Nyanza.
which lie in the great depression end
ing in the Dead Sea, far to the north,
and this adds interest to the eXpedi-
ton for which the Royal Society is
seeking SO, 600.
Utah can double discount any of the
curiosities Lake Tanganyika offers as
an inducement to explorers. For in
stance. there's the leader of the Re
publican party in this state. Editor P.
Henry Lannan, who has a Mormon for
breakfast every day and then goes to
the lake with John Henry Smith, just
10 show he doesn't let his personal
tastes and distastes interfere with his
business. Besides. there is our gov
ernor, a representative of the dominant
church, who hobnobs with the editor Of
the paper that abuses his friends, that
calls his advisers pledge-breakers and
pictures his associates as men to be
Stunned.
Lake Tanganyika may be very inter-
esting in its curios, but we submit that
it isn't a marker to some of the weird
specimens Utah offers for examination
and classification.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
The Economical Golfer.

ttarperS Bazar.D
1 do not practice with a cleek,
And scar the lawn like any vandal,
But timber up my muscles with
My umbrella handle.
1 do not putt" into a hole
That makes the grass look brown and
gloomy,
But into Il tomato can
Whose open end is roomy.
When missing strokes l do not waste
Swear words as lurid as a garnet,
But rest content with milder terms.
Like ''Hully smoke" and Darn it,"
Nor do squander pennies on
Real caddies that are bad and muggy,
But place reliance on my dear
Beloved little PIGGY.
And when I'd practice my address,
Unlike some wasteful scions,
l do not use a brand new ball,
But whack the dandelions.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
The Land of Smiles.
Chicago RecordD

(Chlcago Record.)
Have you journeyed many miles,
Looking for the land of smiles
Where the prospects all are sunny
AS the famed enchanted isles?
In a far mirage it stands.
This most beautiful of lands,
Where the sunbeams turn to money
AS they nestle in your hands.
There the flowers never fade,
There your debts are never paid,
And Dame Fortune waits upon you
In her fairest garb arrayed.
There each native is your friend,
Nor does secretly intend
By his kindly ways 10 fool you
And TO fleece you in the end.
There you may not even guess
That there is the least distress
In the universe. nor wonder
If your joys be great or less.
Such a land were hard to find.
But the sanguine, patient mind
Will its beauties conjure under
Either stormy skies or kind.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Ring-a-Ring o. Roses.
pail Mall Gazette)

(Pall Mall GaZette.)
When Phyllis dances on the green.
Her airs so witching sweet;
Beside the hawthorn bush I'd lean
For half a day to watch unseen
Her pretty tripping feet.
When Chloe binds her auburn hair
With graceful, curving arms.
I'd linger-if l might but darei-
Long hours beside her silken chair,
To view those mirrored charms.
When Lesbia lifts her lovely eyes
From some divine romance,
I'd kneel beside her where she lies
Till eve had spread its starry skies
To catch one melting glance.
But, oh, when glorious Sappho sings,
So heavenly is her tone.
Such passion in her look she filings,
That / forget all earthly things,
Am hers and loves alone.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
METEOROLOGICAL REPORT.
Yesterdays Record at the Local Of
fee of the Weather Bureau.
Salt Lake City. Utah, A

Salt Lake City, Utah, Aug. 5. 1899.
Maximum temperature. so degrees; min
imum temperature. so degrees; mean tenn
perature. 20 degrees. which is 5 degrees
below the normal; accumulated deficiency
of temperature since first of month 80
degrees; accumulated deficiency Of tenn
perature since jan I. 1874 degrees; total
precipitation from 6 p. m. to p. M, trace;
accumulated excess of precipitation since
first of month. 10 inch: accumulated ex-
cess Of precipitation since Jan. l, Pa
inches.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
A Leaf From the DEVILS Jest-book.

Edwin Markham.)
Beside the sewing table. chained and bent.
: They stitch for the lady, tyrannous and
proud
For her a wedding gown; for them a
shreud;
They stitch and stitch. but never mend
the rent
Torn in life's golden curtains. Glad Youth
went.
And left them alone with Time; and
now, if bowed
With burdens, they should sob and cry
aloud
wondering. the rich would look from their
content
And so this glimmering life at last re-
cedes
In unknown, endless depths beyond re-
call;
And what's the worth of all our ancient
creeds,
If here at the end of ages this is all
A white face floating in the whirling
ball.
A dead face FLASHING in the river reeds?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

Colonel Pat Donan, he of the classic
face and exuberant diction, has writ
ten a brochure on Alaska, the marvel
GUS land of gold and glacier" The
booklet is issued by the Pacific Coast
Steamship company of San Francisco.
The statement that Colonel Donan is
the author implies also excellence in
the work. 1t is in his best style, fervid
as a love tale of Amelia Rives. and cal
culated almost to melt the glaciers and
fuse the gold with which the narrative
deals
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
POEMS WORTH READING.
A Plea.

"A fled.
Paul Laurence Dunbar in the Bookman.
Treat me nice. Miss Mandy Jane,
Treat me nice.
Dough my love has tuned my brain,
Treat me nice.
| amt done a ting TO shame,
Lovahs all ac's jes de same;
Don't you know we amt TO blame?
Treat me nice,
Cose I know Is talkin' wild;
Treat me nice.
CANT talk no bettah, child,
Treat me nice.
Whut's pusson gwine to do.
w ZEN he comes a-cou tin you
All a-tremblin' thoo and thoo7
Please be nice.
Reckon / mus go de PAT
Othahs do;
Lovahs lingah ladies laugh;
Mebbe you
Do mean al: the things you say,
An po'haps some latah day
Wen / baig you had you may
Treat me nicei
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Loafn' Roun.'

(DetrOlt Free Press.)
Blossom in the medders-catfish in the
pool
A day off with the daisies. an who would
plow a mule?
I don't keer for the preachin of the wise
folks-left an right
I'm out o. sight in blossoms-good folks,
I'm out o. sight,
Lilies o. the field, you know. don't foller
any rule
A day off with the lilies an who would
plow a mule?
To the teachin and the preachin' 1 m deaf
by day an night
I'm out o sight in blossoms-good folks,
I'm out o. sight.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
A Superfiuous Letter.

Colonel Hankthunder called at the office
of the local paper TO express his mind
concerning a typographical error that had
appeared in a notice brought in by the
colonel himself for publication.
The club with which he was connected
had decided TO give an entertainment at
a hubble hall for some benevolent purpose.
and the notice announcing II closed with
the significant words, Admission fee
But the printer had unaccoutably made
II read admission free.
ut spoils the whole object of the fes-
tivity." said the irate colonel. pointing at
the offending r." but l don't mind that
half so much as the fact that what has
knocked us out is a lettah that
has no legitimate existence. by CAD, sab,
In the English language
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
New York Press.l

Babies are always a shock to a man till
they become a habit.
A man always feels queer when a wo-
man tells him she is crying because she
is glad"
When a girl first gets engaged TO a man
she wonders how she was ever able TO live
so long without expressing herself.
Among the women u newcomer is never
considered neighborly until she has sent
the hired girl to borrow at least two nut
megs and three cups of sugar.
The average girl has the idea that the
main duty in married life is to order
things for dinner and to make fancy
smoking jacket for her husband to wear
when he comes home from business.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

tured near Benevento, Italy The
women are charged with one murder,
three attempted assassinations, three
cases of serious wounding and a num-
Der of robberies. And still some back
number men continue to maintain that
the avenue to success is closed to wo-
man except in subordinate and ill-paid
Dlaces
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Terra-DonuS.

lewis Morris in Literature.)
Above the deep-set valley
The mountain ranges rise,
Above the clouded submits,
The. boundless skies.
Beyond the crested surges
Broad plains of ocean are
Beyond the dim horizons, n
The evening star.
Beyond. above the limits
OF toll and pain and strife.
Cleans like fitful beacon
The blessed life.
Beyond earth's quick mutations.
Bright hopes and glooms of fear
All! but high heaven affrights US
Our home is herei
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

Henry Watterson takes four columns
Of loaded editorial in a recent issue, of
the Courier-Journal to explain why he
supports policy based on gold. Goebel
and imperialism. The editor of the
Salt Lake Tribune has taken about ten
times as much space to explain why he
deserted silver for Mark Hanna; and
he is still explaining.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
STOCKS AND INVESTMENTS.

Utah Bank and Commercial Stocks and
other High Grade Investment Securities
bought and sold.
Loans on Stocks.
Dividend-paying stocks bought and sold.
Investment orders from institutions,
trustees Of estates and capitalists will
receive the best of attention.
JOHN c. CUTLER, JR-,
Tel. 121. 50 Main Street.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

the fur-trading Astor who came to
America was the natural son of parents
who afterward married. But there is
nothing noble, nor French in the true
Astor pedigree.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
A Horn Swallower.
(Short Stories

A man from Pine Knob stood watching
denly seizing a companion S arm. the Pine
Knob man excitediy exclaimed. Look
thar, Lige." ''Whuts the natter" Look
thar. he done 1t agin.'' Done what?''
IVY. crowded mon half that blamed
hon inter his mouth. Did you see that?"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Getting Ready.
fMeggendorfer Blaetter,

MISREPRESENTATION what does this
mean? You have had about ten pitchers
of beer today. What is up at your
house?
Bobby-Papa has toast to propose at
the banquet tonight and Is practicing it
now.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
On Time.

ATLANTA Constitution.)
An epitaph on a tombstone at Whitsett,
Ca. reads:
He went to heaven at half past nine.
And the heavenly choir he did j'ine."
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Need Them In Business,

(New York JournaL)
Rev. DR.. Fourthly-Do you think a lie
is ever justifiable?
Rev. DR.. Fifthly-I don't now. but
don't see how we could preach funeral
sermons without them.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

Queen Victoria has expressed a wish
that Sir John Fullerton should retain the
command of the Victoria. and Albert, in
spite of his approaching promotion to the
rank of vice admiral. Sir John will re-
join the royal yacht a few days before
she leaves Portsmouth harbor tor Cowes
roads
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

The supreme court OF California has
granted a new trial to Hoff, the MUIR
derer of Mrs. Mary A Clute, formerly
of this city. Had the court not done
SO, Hoff's neck would have been stretch
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
One Thing Lacking.
indianapolis Journal

indianapolis Journal)
The Inyentor-I wonder If you could be
induced to back an automatic fishing ma
chine?
The Capitalist-When you get an auto
matte photographic lying attachment
perfected I'll talk to you about IT.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

There is to be a great gathering of the
royal family of Denmark during this
entertain his relations at the castle of
F'redensborg. which is famous for its
charming gardens and its vast beech for
ests, where the late emperor of Russia
used to shoot by moonlight.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Lost His Case.
indianapolis Journal.)

QndianapOlis JournaL)
Citizen-So my dog tore your clothes.
did he? Where?
Hungry Higgins=rve forgot which one
of them tears is his.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Sound Argument.
cleveland Plain Dea

cleveland Plain Dealer.l
Observation-Disclosures was tellin'
me thot Uncle Sam could never lick the
Fillypanoes-
Grogan-An' did yes show him he was
wrong2
'Oi did. OF think he will be out in
about a fortnight"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06


Ex-Secretary John G. Carlisle when pre-
pairing a case or speech mechanically
| plays solitaire He will begin sometimes
early in the evening and be at the game
until long after midnight. Although his
mind is on the more serious matter, he
rarely makes misplay.
Among the political workers who secur-
ed the election of Senator LuciuS Baker of
Kansas was his daughter, Miss Mary Lu-
cion Baker, a Nassar graduate. who was
| an active supporter of her father.
Ex-Goverpnor Yarmouth. the first
northern governor of Louisiana, has lived
down the bitter unpopularity which al one
now one of the leading sugar planters
of the state and a most successful law
yer.
Mrs. William R. Day, wife of the former
secretary OF state, Is an excellent must
clan. and has composed some music of
high order.
Martin L. Sweet, former mayor of Grand
Rapids. Mich, and for years accounted
the richest man in the state, is now earn
ing his living by tending the city garbage
crematory.
William Dean Howells does not believe
that he was born with literary talent. Il
came says he. of a reading race, which
has always loved literature in a way. My
inclination was to read rather than TO
write
Tim Healey the cattle king of New Mex
leo. has more money than he knows what
year, and lives in a hut that cost about
S6O
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
NOTES ABOUT PEOPLE.

The queen regent of Spain recently in
herited a large fortune from a bachelor,
Alexander Solar, and has given 500, 900 of
il to charities.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Poor Bow.
Indianapolis Journal.l

UndianapOlis JOurnaL)
mo. / positively cawn't go wheeling
any more" said Cholly.
Isn't it fashionable?" asked the vulgar
person
Nav. Just popular
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

ed as long as his name. which is Yer
MISUNDERSTANDING.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

The King of Portugal has announced
that he will be present at this years
CoweS regatta
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
Even That Too Much.

indianapolis Journal)
The Younger One-I think all a man
should know about his wife's dress is
the cost.
The Elder Matron-You goose, he
should not know even that.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
His Boy.

cleveland Plain Dealer.)
Fond Father-No. sir; my boy doesn't
let the grass grow under his feet.
Observer-No: I generally see him
standing on the sidewalk in front OF
the corner grocery
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
SOLD EVERYWHERE.

Did it ever occur to you that you
do your stomach an injustice by
drinking inferior brandsp
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06

Mrs. William R. Day, wife of the former
secretary of state, is an excellent musi-
clan. and has composed some music of a
high order.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-08-06
THAT FULL
FEELING

The Salt Lake City Soda Water Co.
The Sign of the Red Seal.
"a to 40 West Third South St.