davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The leader. [volume] (Brookhaven, Miss.) 1895-1905, 1899-02-15
AnNoUNcEM ENTs.

FOR STATE SENATOR.
We are authorized to announce
CHARLES CHRISMAN
,,,ota for state Senator from the Sth
sa csaG csani district. composed of the counties OF
sIs'DEg iss Democratic party.
The leader. [volume] (Brookhaven, Miss.) 1895-1905, 1899-02-15

FOR REPREsENTATIvE.
weare authorized to ammo unce
II. CASSIDY, JR,
,,,,,e for Representative of Lincoln
canIhit al,hiect to the action of the Democratic
.nrfV
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
''NIadam'' Rush's PrOmenades.

One of ''Mme." Rush's peculiar hat.
it's has long been to promenade the
chief streets Of Philadelphia, and there
to receive the homage of her followers
and adorers at sidewalk levees or OPEN
air receptions" She has thus met men
and women of all kinds day after day
for many years--often cabinet min
lister, senator, bishop, general, a
man of letters or belle of the season..
Indeed, her daily walk with her cava-
liers had become almost as famous as
the stroll of Beau Brummel on the Mall
was to the London of other days. But
there was, perhaps, no promenade of
this eccentric queen of fashion that was
more piquant than when she received
Frank Pierce, president OF the United
States, on the sidewalk, and engaged
him in an animated chat without any
more formality than sle would have
shown to the humblest beau who had
been in wait to catch smile of recog-
nition.-William Perrine, in Ladies'
Home Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
he work of one COM
sweet. "That's only

it with the driver and is taken around
to the back door and let in through the
kitchen, starts upstairs and thinks he's
all right. Suddenly a big man comes
down the hallway and grabs him by
the hand and says: Admiral, I don't
suppose you remember me, but I ate
dinner at the same table with you at
Old Point Comfort is years ago. Me
and a few of my friends is about to
take drink, and we want you tojoin
us. Come along now and have just one.
This ones on me! Oh, be good fellow!
What the-come on! Your moneys no
good when you're with us. Oh, come
on! Well, take a cigar, then. I want
you to meet these boys. They all know
about you. One of 'em had brother
at Manila. Well, then, look here! If
you can't go with us now, where can we
meet you tonight after the shown And
all the time, mind you, this big fellow
has been trying to pull him over and
get him into the elevator.
"Suppose that the admiral finally
gets to his room and locks the door?
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

OA1H$S3 C1ll1ulCA
to the hotel and have the admiral kiss
them. Well, of course, these letters
needn't bother him. He can throw
them into the waste basket if he wants
to. Probably that's what he'll do. Then
he'll drop into a chair and say: AT last
I can have moments peace!' Just
then the wardrobe door opens and out
steps a tall woman carrying hand
satchel. She says: Admiral, my pen
name is Susette Gall. Of course you've
read my articles. have come to get
your Hfe-mask for the Sunday paper.
1t goes into the colored supplement, and
I think we shall do it in pink!' That
is properly his finish. That is when he
begins to get his rest and quiet in
chunks. Now, Mr.. Crosby and ladies,
l may have perverted sense of humor,
but do you sit there and tell me that
you don't see something excrutiatingly
funny in the suggestion that Admiral
Dewey return to this country in order
to get away from all responsibility and
excitement? Which do you recommend
for nervous prostration-a sanitarium
or boiler shop? Rats! AS soon as we
hear that Admiral Dewey is coming
you can bet that we'll get together and
arrange to give him dose of rest and
quiet that he'll remember as long as he
lives. "-Chicago Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
PERSONAL AND sIMPERSoN1iI

On rainy days GOV. Roosevelt still
dons the old sombrero which he wore
at. Santiago and San Juan. 81 20 q
Senator Fairbanks has been present
ed with q Spanish sword, the gift Of a
soldier admirer, who captured It at San
Juan. X n S. S. .<;, IS, IS.
A tradesman died at Peterbo rough
aged SO. Fifty three years ago he met.
with an accident, and his arm wasSam-S
putated.1 The limb was carefully pre-
served, and at the desire of the deceased
was buried with the body .,i.ss s4a!!5
People who DESIRE mortuary fame
will be interested in, the Disposition Of
a North Carolina editor, who publicly
announces his eagerness to give space
to obituaries of former subscribers at
the rate of six laying hens column
Miss Lucille Faure, daughter OF the
late president of the French republic,
intended to take the veil after her, fa-
theirs death, it is said, but friends dis
suaded her and now she proposes to
continue her work as q lay sister Of
charitable institutions and in addition
will do some literary work. ..s...,.s;sts,.
Through an error in the bill providing
code of laws for Alaska Albert d. Ell
lott, clerk of the district court Of
Alaska, whose salary is fixed at 800,
will receive in fees sufficient to make
his total remuneration between $40, 900
and $4,000 year. This will make the
office the best paid of any in the United
States government, with the exception
of that of the president. 3@s
AT the age of 81 Francis B. Thurber,
OF New York, has been admitted to the
bar. It took him four years of hard
study to prepare for the necessary ex-
aminations. He was formerly at the
head of great grocery house, which
went out of business several years ago.
At one time he was prominent as an,
anti-monopolist and took an active in
terest in advocacy of the interstate
commerce act. though he now stoutly
favors railway pooling.
a herculean locksmith, who was out
of work, obtained temporary employ
ment as a laborer on one of our large
railways. He was set to work with an
"old hand'' to shovel cinders into
wagon. When the foreman went to see
how they were progressing he observed
that the "old hand" was shoveling twice
to the big locksmith's once. and he re-
marked to the latter: 'Look here, my
man, Jack is throwing two shovelfuls
into the wagon to your one." "Well,
MASTER" replied the locksmith, GIVE
told the fool about it,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Lord Herachell md His Clerk.

There is an amusing story current in
the Temple about Lord Herschell and
his clerk. When he first entered pol
tiles the fortunes of the liberal party
were at their blacklist, and his clerk,
who was clerk of the old school. and
took an almost proprietary interest in
his career, used often to brood over the
political situation. At last, on the day
when Lord Beaconsfield returned in
triumph from Berlin, and was received
with such unparalleled popular en-
thusiasm that he seemed certain of a
fresh lease of power, the clerk confided
his feelings to Mr.. Herschell in these
moving terms: ''Don't you think, sir,
in view of the turn events seem to he
taking, that ou1. choice of politics was
a little premature % Westminster Ga
Zette. ~ 49,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
When Dewey Comes
~ nee in awhile I see something
BY George AIDE

0NCE in awhile I see something
~ funny in newspaper, and this
is the greatest joke of the century,
said Mr.. Sweet, up at our boarding
house. He was looking at the morning
paper, which was folded and propped
against the sirup pitcher in front of
him. AS he spoke he seemed almost
pleased. The expression of saturnine
ferocity softened into one of malignant
glee.
Miss Baxter, the art student, Mr..
Crosby, of the wholesale grocery, and
Miss Dixon, the stenographer, looked
up in surprise. No wonder. Mr.. Sweet
did not often praise any work of man.
He had an especial contempt for puns
and witticisms. He WINGED at the
repartee which sent the young women
into hysterical giggling. Therefore, for
Mr.. Sweet to say that he had found
something funny was altogether out of
the ordinary and for him to give the
opinion that certain joke was the
greatest of the century" was simply
astounding.
For goodness sake, read it to us,
Mr.. Sweet" said Miss Baxter. II didn't
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

gets in and sits on him 30 that he can't
escape. Then this chairman tells him
about the arrangements. He says: AT
one o'clock you are to lunch at the club
with me. At two o'clock we win have
an exhibition by the fire department.,
At $3.50 you go up in the captive balloon.
At three we will have omething to eat
and drink at the Commercial club. At
four o'clock you are to inspect the Sum
day school .Zouaves and make shoft
speech. At 1880 the Minister'S associa-
ton will meet you and present you with
an address on Satan. At five we will take
atrolley ride, accompanied by the alder
men. At $3.50 the German singing So
cieties will serenade you at the hotel.
At six you are to dine with the Daugh-
tiers of the American Revolution, and
afterward attend a performance of
Camille" the manager having gen
erously placed a box at your disposal,
as you will. see in all the morning pa
pers. Now, after the show, some of the
boys want you to come up to a French
restaurant and have a little supper with
them. They're all great admirers of
yours, and they've ordered seven cases
of wine!'"
p "Oh, my!" exclaimed Miss Dixon.
do you suppose they'll keep him as
busy as that?" IN: ~ y
''That's merely the work of one COM
mittee,," said Mr., Sweet. ssThat's ONLY
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
WAS HE BLUFFING?
The Very DisagreenbIe ReveIatioa Of
. MAN Who Was in No
Hurry.

At four o'clock one Friday afternoon not
long ago as Mr.. T was busily engaged at
his desk in a down town office man walked
in and inquired for Mr.. B, who occupies
a desk at the opposite side Of the same Of
flee. Mr.. Thought he recognized the
man as an unwelcome caller When asked
if Mr.. B-was in, without raising his eyes
from the work before him, Mr.. f an
swered, No, he is not, whereupon the call
er remarked that as he was not very busy he
thought he would sit down and wait
At five o'clock he was still waiting.
At $50, still waiting
A few minutes before six Mr.. + closed
his desk for the day and prepared to go
home. The caller ventured to ask If Mr.
3 was likely to return to his office again
that day. Mr.. + answered:
mo; he is In Buffalo and viii be back
next Tuesday morning"
The caller showed no anger. On the con-
trary he smiled.
Don't apologize" he said; "my business
was not important, and your office has
proved pleasant lounging place Fact is,"
he blandly added, Il suppose I'm coming
down with the smallpox and the doctor
told me l must stay indoors and keep
warm"
And Mr. T anxior.sIy wonders whesb-
er he was lying or not.-CIeveland Plain
Dealer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

:. There is more Catarrh in this section of
the country than all other diseases put to-
gether, and until the last few years was
supposed to be incurable. For great many
years doctors pronounced it local disease,
and prescribed local remedies, and by con-
stantly failing to cure with local treatment,
pronounced it incurable. Science has proven
catarrh to be constitutional disease, and
therefore requires constitutional treatment
Halls Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. j.
constitutional cure on the market. It is
taken internally in doses from 10 drops to a
teaspoonful. It acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system. They
offer one hundred dollars for any case it
fails to cure. Send for circulars and testi-
monials. Address F. j. Cheney & Co., To-
ledo, Q. Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

raguJ, and then
everybody yells, in behalf of the cham
Der of commerce, the board of asso-
ciated charities, the wholesale LIQUOR
dealers, the Fruit Growers league, the
Young Mems Christian association and
the city council, welcome you to the
grand, the glorious, the majestic, the
magnificent state of California; He's
got the admiral penned in, and this is
his one chance in life to make a speech,
so he talks for an hour OF so, and then
he says: we will now conduct the ad-
miral to the reviewing stand, where he.
will shake hands with 10000 school
children
"Next you see them dragging that
poor man to an open carriage with
bunting all over it. What good are his
eight-inch guns to him at time like
that? Can he withdraw for breakfast
if he wants to-? should say not. He's
thrown into carriage.and the chair
man Of the entertainment COMMITTEES
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
your attention to the

dies, I will go into details. Let us sup
pose that a steamer is entering the
Golden Gate of the harbor at San Fran
cisco. On the deck stands Admiral
George Dewey. He is on his way home
to rest up. By his side are a.hundred
and fifty passengers asking him to
write his name and some appropriate
sentiment on $50 cards. Also, to give
each some small article as souvenir.
While he is attending to them all the
steam whistles on the Pacific slope be-
gin to blow. There are something less
than million people on the deck, all
yelling at the top of their voices:
'What'smatterth Dewey? Heezallri!!
Who-o-o? Old George Dewey!!' Then
brass band of $50 pieces begins to play
"A Hot Time in the Old Town. and a lot
of women and children fall into the
water and police ambulance arrives.
BY this time, of course, the admiral will
begin to see that people are glad that
he's come home to rest up.
Just as he pushes down the gang
plank to make run for cab and get
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
A Slight Objection.

d. What do you think of current fic-
ton e asked the young woman who is
one of the officers in literary society.
Its alright" answered the young
man ltl with the striped shirt. ''Only I
can help wishing they'd get more
imagination i into the stories and less
in the weather report Washington
Star. ,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

a rough outline of
what they'll try to
do to him the first
day. But suppose
that he kicks and
refuses to go to all
these places? Sup
pose he says that
he has come home
to rest? He insists
on going to his ho-
tel. When he gets
there the street is
iammed He fixes,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Hia Advice.

And what" asked the literary aspi-
rant, would be your advice to a young
poet?" $685..
well, if he's mercenary," replied
the elder scribe, It'd advise him to take
the money he intends to spend for post
age stamps and buy lottery tickets. He
would have some chance to make for
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
SUN dow Slipped.

Sandow slipped during the perform
ance Of his feat Of holding up piano
with the pianist at liverpool the,
alter, the result being the smashing of
the piano, a week in bed for the pianist,
but no harm to Sandow himself.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Sensible Advice.

: ''Have you ever read the article on
how to tell a bad egg?''
mo, I haven't; but my advice would
be, if you had anything important to
tell bad egg, why break it gently
Tit-RitS
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Her Unanswerable Argument.

Her UnanSWeruDIe argument.
:''That young man means well,' said
Mabeps father, s'but he isn't intellect
ual. He doesn't think much.''
eyes, he does,,'' interrupted Mabel,
confidently. HE thinks great deal
of me- -Washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Bargain Hunting.

It is impossible for all us men to be the
the lady in the rose-colored fairy story. but
we can offer our seat in the street car to the
tired woman who has been Shopping all
day in the vain endeavor to make the $225
her husband kindly gave" her clothe
family of six and make them look as neat
and comfortable as the children next door.
L. A. w. Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
A Wise Precaution.

:, Jamser-What a wonderfully old
man De Tanque is for man who has
always been drunkard. ...:..a
: Flamser- He is somewhat advanced
~ 2 years, but the cause of it is plain.
,Jamser-I don't see it,, - ~
Flamser- They're afraid to admit
him to the next world for fear he'll
swallow all the spirits-Harlem Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
An Experience Meeting,

A bachelor contested himself unable ~ II
To keen his watch, in trim-four benedicts
We're with him grouped around a poker
1.-THE works are always getting out Of fix,
Orselse I soak the thing; I'never carry Is
A time-piece out of twelve months more
a. than two -.,f>:,s @',jEt - ~ r.
A benedict spoke up: you'd better marry;
Your wife would always keep a watch on
i . YOU" p -
Judge Il 7E<&gk-. .l.I .i< a.. o.,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
WORKING for Money.

'"'What!'' exclaimed the surprised
traveller in Florida; ''you want me to
pay three dollars for riding half mile
in your carriage?"
"Certainly,'' replied the native, with
eyes wide open; Eyer don't think I'm
like you other jays-down here for my
health, do yer? ''-Yonkers Statesman.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
sugsestions tor sprinx Cleani.<.

Much of the labor of house cleaning may
be avoided by the exercise of good judg-
ment and management. Pleasant weather
must be selected for the work, usually the
first of May is the best time to begin Every
thing should be in readiness beforehand
Brooms, brushes, tacks and strings should
be provided. The windows and paints can
water and Ivory Soap; the free use of lime
and borax will purify and deodorize the
premises.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Sentiment and Fact,

She-Do you remember how you used to
put your arm around my waist, when we
were engaged, ten years ago? You never
do SO now.
He-No; my arm has not grown any
longer-Indianapol journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Studying Shorthand mt EIome.

Special Mail lessons in Shorthand are be-
ing sent out by all eminent Congressional
Reporter by The Shorthand Pub. Bureau,
Washington, D. c. Reasonable charges
Write for circular
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Pegging Away.

,TheyHsay that If you peg away tSs:5
Unceasinglyswith all your might
Twill be your lot to gain some day
A place upon some lofty height.
And yeti know a toiler who
Been peggin'f on for years, yet he
Has gained nosheight-hec obbles shoes,
And still is at the foot-ah, mel!
Chicago Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

the feet Cures Corns, Bunions, Swollen, Sore,
Hot, Callous, Aching, Sweating feet and In
growing Nails. Aliens Foot-Ease makes
new or tight shoes easy. Sold by all druggists
and shoe stores, 25c. Sample mailed FREE.
Address Allen S. Olmsted, LIE Roy, n. Y.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
As to Advice.

The trouble with advice from those
Who tell the world how they
Got to the apex is that you
Must grid your loins up and pursue
Some very different way.
Chicago Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

know that you
cared for jokes. If
you think this one
is funny it must be
perfectly killing"
II don't care for
a joke unless it is
a masterpiece"
said Mr.. Sweet.
81 like a joke that
has enormous sig
nifcance-a joke
that will keep YOU
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

away from the
mob a big man
with a badge. gets
in front of him
and says: 'Ad-
miral Dewey, hero
of heroes, brave
defender of our
g | orr o u S flag,
whose name will
be written high on
the scroll of fame
Nelson, N ap O.
leon. Grant, Far.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

He finds on the
t a b l e a b o u t a
&bushel of cards
and. letters. All
the letters relate
to children born
May 1, 1898. Every
b oy i S n a m e d
George Dewey and
every girl is Phil
ippine Manila. The
parents wish to
IL
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
whatIt Means.

Beacon-Wl en- you hear q man whis-
tlixg all the Cay, is it sign that his
heat $ light !?
Egbe.tNo; his head. f}- Yonkers
Statesman. 4 4 81,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
ELIZA R. PARKER
Wonderful EVANGELIST.

biggest revival preacher, we ever had
here" said the country grocer, twas old
Brother Jarvis. Actually, when that man
got through with 'em, the whole blame COM
munity turned in an paid all its debts!"-
Indianapolis Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
i6ljt[y )ltzl|si5aaE y
His. inference.

Jumps What is Newlywed Bigghedd
looking SO glum about?
Bumps-Why, the gypsy fort tell
ger just told his wife that she would
have two husbands, and that the second
one would be avery fine sort Of a man.
dumps a! Ha! And Bigghedd
thinks that is q reflection on him, sup
pose? <.ss4.s q. 33@,52
Bumps Oh, no! He thinks his wife
must have been married before, and
never told him.-Tit-Bits. -. rs.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
DRUG STORE FRAUD.
In Many of Them Prescri ptiOns Are
Filled with Cheap and Danger
GUS Mutations.

"A life for a dime!" should be the
trademark of some of the drug stores
in this city, for that is the principle'on
which they are doing business. The
attention Of the board of health has
been called by physicians to the many
cases where prescriptions are dishon-
estly put up. Cheap drugs and medical
preparations are substituted for more
expensive ones. Adulterated drugs are
to some extent used. Physicians are
wronged and patients injured, and all
to add to the profits of the drug stores.
The poor, as usual, are the chief suf-
ferers. It is the small, stores on the
east and west sides and in the suburbs
which are the worst offenders. Many
of these stores are struggling hard to
live. The competition in the drug busi->
ness is terrific. The expenses are high.
The men who control the manufacture
of proprietary remedies have drawn
the margin of profit narrower and mar
rover. There are trusts in drugs, too.
The war taxes have been used as clubs
to hit the heads of the retailers. The
temptation to swell profits is tremen-
dous, but at what an awful cost! -
The doctors say that human lives
have unquestionably been made to pay
the penalty OF substitute drugs used in
prescriptions. "A life for a dime!''
Did ever human greed descend to more
merciless depths?
Health Commissioner William T. Jen-
kins has taken the matter up. He has
ordered the inspectors of the board Of
health to take prompt steps to check
the growing evil.
1t was checked once when DR.. Cyrus
Edison took hold of the evil with an
iron hand and started an investigation
which led to the arrest and prosecution
of hundreds of cases. A similar cru
SADIE has been begun. 3.-,1s
''What we need" said DR.. jenkins
sis more stringent laws. At present a
conviction carries nothing more punt
tive than a fine of $50 for each offense.
Why, it costs more to be convicted of
selling watered milk, and that crime is
not to be compared with this most foul
and murderous one.'
The recent epidemic of grippe has
brought great temptation for substi-
tuition. Phenacetine is frequently pre-
scribed for. it. It costs IS cents per
ounce. Many drug clerks use acetanilid
instead This is cheap but very pow
erful substitute. One grain is as pow
erful as 40 of phenacetine. In many
cases substitution means death. ~
Chemists of the board of health have
found many samples of adulterated
phenacetine, some of them poisonous.
The drug itself is one to be used with
the greatest care, and to fool with tits
crime of vast proportions. Physicians
have taken the matter up. Some have
had private analysis made. Arrests,
convictions, publicity-these seem to
be the only remedies.-N. Y. World. ,~sfas