davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
NOT ACQUAINTED WITH THEM.
Men Dead Fifty Years Elected to omee by Bcnighted Aldermen in
 New York

A New York alderman induIged in little fun at the expense of his associates the other day, and through his influence that honor. able body elected two men, eminent men, dead these 50 years, to the position of com missioner of deeds. The names of tbe dead thus houored are Noah Webster, lexieog Iapher, and Lindley Murray, grammarian The world says the trick was worked this Way:
 4 slip of paper containing these names, with Brooklyn addresses, was circulated al the meeting of the board Alderman Okie approached Alderman Bridges and said;
 Say, Jim, I've done Iayors foryou. Here are couple ef men who want to he made commissioners of deeds That fellow Lind ley Murray told me he was a friend of yours.
 Alderman Bridges looked at the slip and replied
 T don't know the gent, and aim going to present his name
 Alderman Dooley, another member from Brooklyn, gas persuaded Q -isn tbeappliea- tIon, and ln less than ten minutes the formal vote cIcctmg LmdIey Murray and Noah Webster commissioners of deeds Was passed.-Amerlean.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

like ta9t, SC I had to putup the swing and that's how got to taIl5tH 10 these girls. Say, you ought to see 'em-real society birds. I made q few funny cracks about Prof and got em to laugh n and they began to call me mister and ask me all kinds of questions. You know. they thought they could string me, but I was on in minute. Sti4 l must say they was purity fly and they
 em asked me fl had girl. l told her I didn't like to tell for fear shed be jealous. Then shewanted to know which liked better, an old girl OF q Toung one, an l says; One about yonr age will dc me. thank you' How old dc you think [ amp she says. 0h, I says, T guess you're more'n seven. Nou,reo old enough to set up and notice whats gain' on. anyway You ought to have heard 'em laugh. l certainly made a hit. If I'd belonged in the party instead of bein the professors hired man. nothiu2 on earth would have headed me off. But, of course, knew l wash | expected to cut in very freely The girls treated nae out of sight, though. When the eothefs set down to eat l hung back by the car riage, eXpeetin' to get a haHd-out, but they made me come up and get jR line, an say, they fed me enough chuck to kill horse. Fma purity nice little eater, though, and 1 made good. After we got through eatin' the Prof gave me one of his cigars and went off and got under tree and felt like q king that never did days work and never intended to-
 "The Prof and his sister went away to hunt flowers and the two queens came over to talk to me. I never was on to it before that 1 was such funny man. Everything I said started 'em to gigglin'. On the dead straight trolley, didn't know what to make oft. was yettin' more laughs there than any comedian you ever set. on the stage. lou know how girl is. If she gets started to gigglin', 1t don't take any hing at all to keep her godn'. All you got to do is to look at her and she has mother fit Well. had these two
 airies laughin' themselves to death when we heard an awful yeliin' an screamin' over in the pasture where the Prof and his sister went to pick flowers. The girls told me to hurry am see what was the matter so I got q hot-foot on me an when l reached the fence, say there was q sight worth goin' miles to see.
 You know I've told you that the Prof's got to be a regular golf fend.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

good scheme to do all your fghtin' before the other fellow makes up his mind to begin. SC l didn't give Mir. Buu any time to decide what he'd do to me. went at him and about the third time l pasted him oac across the head he bellered enough an took to inc brush with me after him. helpin' him along It was q einch, of course. He was a rank qHitter as soon as he saw he was up against thereal thing.
 'But. holy smoke, you ought to seen what the old girl did when I come back. She rushes up to me an before l have time 10 side-step or duck she throws her arms around my neck an kisses me am saYs I've saved her dear brothers life. Wouldn't that scald you, though? Then you ought 10 see me pulIiH' te get away from her. Drop it. I says. You'd better get over the fence beforeth the bultcomcs back. That was the only thing that saved me from bein' kissed again. Say, she took that fence like trained steeplc-ehascr.
 All the time these two fly girls had been pipiu' us off, an after it was all over an quieted down mebbe you think they didn't kid the life out of me But there's one thing certain. I'm very strong with inc Prof and his sister now They think I'm the sassiest bull- fighter in the business. Yes. sir, little Billy's real little hero. l think I'd better strike fer raise in my pay be forp i bp,- ,ret over ii ''
 ,ar4x- rr ,r,t-f f.f-tr
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
cntI1. .CnIIen fnr. cnt.

Col Cody, the eminent scout helped to build church at North Platte, and was per suaded by his wife and daughter to accom- paay them to the opening. The minister gave out. the hymn, which commenced with The words: @9h for ten thousand tongues 10 sihe' e5e he organis5, who played by ear; started the tune in too high key and lad to try again. 4 second attempt ended like the first in failure "0b, fer ten thou sand tongues to sing my great, came the opening words for the third time, followed hf squeak from the organ and q relapse into painful silence Cody could contain
 hmselt no longer, and blurted out: Start it at five thousand, and mebbe some of the rest of us can get in. , - San Francisco
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
FnoIinE -tI,c PnhIlc.

osities," unused the owner of small store. It's a bad habit-this idea of drawing trade by making d museum of the window, but, ] can't stop now-business won't allow
 4 few hours later the soda water trade was rushing. The crowd outside the win marlsabIe bird that hung in d big cage. The card attached bore | handful of the alphabet hYsterieallY put together and de signed for q scientific name After it were the words: "From Samoa
 \ few days later the curiosity was feed, ing in the back yard with the rest of the
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

We'll, he's got Il red coat that he wears out at the golf club, beeuz that's sup posed to be the proper cheese for a golf player, and he wore this red coat out 10 the picnic. Say, mebbe you know how well bull likes anything red. There was bull in this pasture when the Prof'and his sister went over 10 pick the flowers. 'Nough said. When 1 reached the fence here come Prof across 1he pasture with his hat of and that red coat whippin the air behind him and right behind him was Aif. Bull with his head down an' Be
 yas lettin out q few roars that'd make your ha5r stand right up on your head. he Prof.s sister was away over in the pasture, loo scared to do anything but iamp up and down and veil: Help. Help If it had been my last min ute on earth l couldn't have helped it. had to laugh. OF course, though. T didn't want to see Prof tossed or baVe a horn put through that elegant red eeat of lis, SO I grabbed up I good sized stick, about the size of a bali bat, and over the fence goes.
 NIT. Bull comes tearing along and just as Prof passes me l steps in an gives that animal wallop that hell remember if he lives 10 be old enough to cut up into boardn- house steaks. l landed right and l guess took most of the fight out of him then and there, He gave an awful snort and Wbirled around to take a look at me. He forgot all about Prof, an you can bet your whole income that Prof wasn't losin' any time. He fell oyer the fence and laid there in a hard knot, so wind ed he couldn't talk. As ] was telIin you, Mir Bull pulled up and whirled around to size me up. Well, sir I've been licked often enough to find ont this much about figbtin': If's always
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
EDUCATIONAL. St. Edwards College, AUSTIN, TEXAS.

Conducted by the Congregation Of the Holy Cross. The College is beau tifully situated on the Heights, three miles south of Austin, in healthy and picturesque locality. Every facility is offered for a thorough Classical or Commercial course with Modern Lan- guages, Music, Shorthand, Typewrit ing, Drawing and Painting as optional studies, under special resident teach CTS. For Catalogue and further par ticulars address
 REV. JOHN T. ROLAND, c. S. C.,
 President
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
Music for Nervousness.

Some scientists have claimed that music has bebo#er 10 soothe tue nerves. But the quickest way to cure nervousness is to strengthen the nervous sySteul We know of nothing WhielGWill accomplish this quick the enc medicine thai is successful above al others in thu treatment of blood. stomach and liver diseascs Do not taResa substi- tute. See that private Revenue Stamp covers the neck of fhe bottle.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
ron

Did ye iVer notice mon from St. Louis?" inquired Che idnitof philosopher sWill if ye didn't it's worth yer wboie Up tn boulevard hc struts wid hid ije7ated Sud dinIy thors big eonmotioa all hes lift ed off his fate b9 an autvmobiIe He picks hfmsfIf nps goes home an tlls his friaas th, h0rseIlss carriages av Chicago are run by iackasses; but thot th' iacsasses are insoide. Qh, hes bitter lobster Chicago Evening News
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
ThIne. .a,ertnin.

So you want 10 marry my daagh- ter?s said the old gentleman
 "W-w-welI. I w-WouIdn1 exactly say that replied the didident young man, ''b-b=but she wants to m-marry me. Otherwise We n-n-neyer woHld have been engaged. Chicago Post.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
TIlc.IScnIZI,hinr

Little Glarence-Papa, what's a friend in need9
 Papa-A man around the corner who holIerz fire when fellow ean=t think of any good excuse for leaving home after diuucr- Chicago Times-HeaaId.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

HH#| a0 you W@HI 10 D0E. young nan2e
 "0ne pound of bologna sausaees at % ceEfs a pound. oae5haif pound ham at fs cents. and #tEfee=q8afteHs ef q pound of cheese af 24 cents.
 Very well: you shall have il di- reetIF.
 Now. f give Feu dollar hou much change do l gel baek2s
 'Fifty-three cents but where are ytu goine?"
 ''l m going home to write down the answer. I've got 10 hand f in al school tomorrow! s- Gusere GcseIlschaft
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

The captain of d country football team in California; finding himself tn- able to get together il team to fulfill an engagement with club five miles away, wired to that effect 10 the sccre- tary of the opposing team. Can't lei you off = was the answer. Crowd waiting already" The captain made another effort to get bis men together. but without success. and Was once more obliged to wire his inability to fuitiI5 the engagement. The answer came: If you can't come yourselves, please send your sweaters. We can pick up q team from tbe navvies working here on the railway. and inc peorlcWoH't kno" the difference.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Not Sure of the Name-'I have an awful pain in my back, said an old lady to her doctor in Topeka Probably you have rheu. matism," responded the doctor "Mebby 1t IS, doctor but Sister Mary thinks I've got the Amburgcr. Kansas City Journal
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
Summer Goods

MT. impursc-My dear, that outing dress of yours needs washing.
 Mrs. Slmpurse-i know ii, but if ! wash #, il will shrink so [ can | get into if. and then l won't have any.-N. Y. Weekly.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
\ Iidnighf Dialogue.

Father Grom head of stairs) Bessie, fl that xodng mag doesn't go pretty soon ac will miss NHe last car.
 Aes.ie (u pgeior) That ail right, papa. Ee likes 10 wdlk.--N. A'.JoprnaL
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
LIIlc.NAa

Mrs. Gf8mps This is queer. Here i. the name Of Yoar friend. JohnJ. Jingle among fha arrivals ats Newport thought he Has dead.
 Mir. Grmps- enlf married.= x. l. Weekly
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
Theological DiscssSion.

My old aunt holdsit t6be wicked fol a minister % joke
 T dunno whether tcoald be called wicked. but generally if is awful pain. ful. l."-lndianapoIis Journal.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

A Ready Retort.-The Yulture-"It's hardly, polite to read your paper at table, MT Hailroom. The Nictim-"I know, Mrs Skinncm, but it takes my mind of Rhat I'm eating What to-Eat.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Last year 367 persons in the United States lost their lives by lightning. During the same period lightning de stroyed property valued a S1 ,44d,ss0.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Like Days of Wore -Grandma-'eW What time did Mr. Lippincott leave last night, Gracic!' Gacie-'Why, grandma. he started home at" Grandma Cmildly)- " Never mind when he started; l asked you when he left. Brooklyn Life.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
Con tI.ltsIiciinn. .

Doctor said the patient who runs the useless philosophical coutemPla- tiehs. @aeae. it appears te me, is one of natures contradictions
 How sop
 It gives you the shake and 9et it stays right with you. Detroit Free
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
And Badly Sometimes.

And il seems to be only the bride who is given away. What about the bridegroom? ?''
 "oh, it's ten to one he gets sold. .''- Philadelphia Bulletin
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
Timex Ghnnnea

How gray yoar hairs getting dear! Ii used to be such pretty black"
 Yes, dear, and how red yours has got. Ii used 10 be pretty black, tool London Punch.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
Circumveating His Mamma.

Freddie, said his mother. severely, 'dida' I tell you that you shouldn't ride 8oar bicycle to-day. because you were uauehtY2s
 This isu't my bicycle, said Fred die; ifs Tommy Jones. We've ex- changed just for to-day. "-Ha1per's Bazar.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
William. fhc Wise

Twas of those tipbEers stepped in guT1c. Who love to drink beyond their fill That Shakespeare wrote "a man may
 'SmIte.
 And smile, and be q villain. stul -EIIiotts Magazine
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Mrs Crimsonbeak-oII Mr. Crimson. beals got home for dinner yet, Bridget?" Bridget-"No, mum T thought I heard him doWnstairs.' Sure that was the uon you heard growlin', mum. - Yonkers Statesman.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Yisitor-'.Do they treat you well here?" Prisoner-"Ncs, indeed The only thing I have ta complain of is their lack of conf denee ia me. They refuse to give me a laLclkey. -Sondags- Nisse
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Mrs, Newed- -"Ob, Jack! The cook was in such an ugly mood today l thought it best 10 call in policeman@ Newed (as- tquHdedJ What! To arrest ber?" Mrs. NcWed-tOh, no-to pacify her Brook iyn Lie
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

The car. conductors motto is: sLet us put off till tomorrow the man who cannot pay to-day. \. ". Bulletin.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Tommy Who was that lady you spoke to- NiIlie-sIhat's the lady that lets my ma go oHt any afternoon but Thursdays and Sundays. v Boston Transcript
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
One nf Them.

PePprey Some people make me tired.
 Saphead- For instance?
 PeppTey- Oh! some fellows are never satisfied 10 take things as they are. They always want to know the why and wherefore.
 SaBhead That's SO l wonder why it is2-Catbolie Standard and Times.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
One Who Died for Love.

He died for love. buf no one
 Wept when she heard the news And would you know the reasou2 He died for love of booze. Chicago Times-Herald
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Young Married Woman Do you be lieye that those women who write for the papers telling how to manage hns. bands get along better with their hus. bands than we do2
 Experienced Friend Nonsense, dearl They are not married -Unsere GeselI= schaft
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Time and tide wait for no man, but they just have to slow up little for the woman who ls trying to get her hat on straight b. 4. W Bulletin.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
nn n InrcI

Willy 0utertown-M Mother, cook says we will all be equal in Heaven.
 Mrs 0utertown- is SO, Willy. She will be no better there than we will! -PGC[
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Tn Turkey if is the custom to place the hands upon the breast and Low to the person saIuted.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
@EA EAFg'vE

AstthlC5 HtaN Me NC got up at our place this week. They're here OF a cousins Of =the Prof aad his sister. and say. they're somewhat all right, too. Gee, fl ! was a swell paa with bunch of money and knew how to win out tbe re8I article. I'd steaEone Q them before Twas Two days older. They're two very keen propositions. HI tell you that. We've had more Lfe around that house since they came thaa we've had since 8he professor maae miseue with his chemicals and blew 4p the Iae'atorH. You dida. t hear about the picnic We had the other day. did 1ou2"
 l confessed my ignorance.
 Oh, all of us cut in the woods with enough lunch to fill a freight ear Of course they took me along to look after the horses and be a sort of a useful dohnn5-oB-the-spot. but before the thing was over had more to say than anybody. les, str, l cut quite eash with the two beauts from the city an l guess they found out they couldn't teiime very many things I hadn't heard about before.
 Tt was kind of up 10 me 10 boss things in general. The Proffs an awful dub when i8 comes 8o deiein horses. or putin up q swing or doin' something
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
Can't Succeed.

Some men. are so deficient in the elements ot success that they would never set the world on lire even fl the world were insured Tn thelr iavor.-Detroit Journal.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
What Heu una

Guest-What have you got?
 Waiter-lsve got liver, calf's brains, pigs T don't want description of your phys. leai peculiarities. What you have got to eat Is what want to know. Boston Traveller.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

The people who can't see q joke are not Hat SC e*asPeralHg as those who do see 1t
 but dont thlnk much of it.-Puck.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
gns-s stnt4 -a-nLlnf.

She SAW il ta che window and
 She raXnd about il Hili She bought il then. just like aH men He raVed about the bill -E1lliottts Magazine
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
To, t's3 auas2= =Drealal. .

Oh. seek not to hear as they wander, these
 tWG4 Where the moon-gtlded waves plash and
 climb. What they say would be silly to ne and to
 you But 10 them it is simply sublime -WashfngIon Star.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
NMmnN

s'You'Fe looking Sour." said the maid. As by the pan she tripped. s'I cant help thal replied the cream, You see Eve just been whipped Chicago Daily News.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

l can recommend Piso's Cure for Com sumption to sufferers from Asthma.-E. D- Townsend. It. Howard. Wis, May f, i94.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

There's poetry in everything" observed .Re poet. You're right" replied tue ed. tor, for instance, there's stove full of it!' @Atlanta Constitution.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Andrew Dekarz, who is f03 years old and lives at st. Anthony,s Polish hos. pital, is the oldest known Pole in this country.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
taNctfnL.N..l.

'sAm still tbe dearest thipgonearth to you. George E asked the So4ng Wlts, sentimentaiY.
 "No," replied George, who Was at that moment inspecting his ice bill.-- Harlem Life
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Docs IgHt-headed, lantern -iawed cyclist need any other amp?-L. A. W Bulletin.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Men are. never so good or bad as their opinions -AIaekintosh
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Halls Cafnrrh Cure Is a Constitutional Cure. Price, 75c.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Care is mental ust.-Ram's Horn.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
TI,e Emt Nfcn-

So his mother intends making d pi- mist of him29 "4es."
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

To Cure a Cold in One Bay Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund money if it fails to cure. 25c.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

The Best Prescription for ChIIIs
 and Fever is bottle of GRoyE,s TAsTELEss CHHL ToNIc. Itis simply iron andquininein atastelcss form. No cure no pay. Price, 50e.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

HAD hot doins up at our shack this week. said Billy. when met him at the GO n e r the other ev enf 2.
 Have you seen the two birds 2''
 told him l hadn't seen any birdsin particular.
 I mean the two queens Hhe.tWo. fairies that. we've
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

There is always an illfeelng between tha doctor and the patient.--Golden Days.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
''Who is 10 bethc master D

She hasn't got that far Yet: at pres ent she is merely just letting his hair grow" -9'it-l}its.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

Fred stolc several kisses last night" ;"
 You don't mind falling among thieves, do you 2''-St. Louis Republic.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
s,,enters the NInin Thing.

JOHN HAzELDEf9.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10
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Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1899-09-10

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 i-@ iy-t--5s >s.- --f-6>,t lF5~4fJ
Omaha daily bee., 1899-07-16

prudent TO use too great velocity. AS the
various parts get adjusted to each other
and the machinery, so to speak, finds
itself, the speeds will be increased till they
reach the maximum. At present everything
deal of noise. This, the men in charge
say, will soon wear off.
The model shop is near the great tank
and there are now half a dozen models
under construction in II, both those Of
existing war ships and those of contemplated
ones. 1t Is not proposed To try any OF the
latter class for two months yet, the time
until then being occupied in testing exist
ing vessels. At the end of that interval
IL is probable that there will be a public
test of the tank and an official explanation
of its uses. At present the officers are
somewhat close mouthed in regard to 1t.
1t is also the intention of the government
to allow American shipbuilding firms and
private parties to have the use of the model
basin whenever 1t is not in use on govern
ment tests. The models will be constructed
after any pattern that the parties in ques-
ton may desire to submit and only the
actual cost of the work OF constructing and
testing these models will be charged. 1t is
expected that the future American cup de-
tenders will be first tested In miniature
in the United States model basin before
their actual work of construction is entered
upon, 1t will be a matter OF great nautical
interest to watch and note the improvements
that will thus be effected in their speed
from time to time when it becomes neces-