The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1899-08-02
MAKING AN APOLOGY.
HERE'S A MAN WHO SAYS SUCH A
THING is A BIG MISTAKE.


1t Only Makes Matters Worse, He
Says. md Advises That, No Matter
How Bad tho Case Against You MaE
BE, to Just Boldly BiuF 1t Ont.
A friend of mine who is a successful
business man and n very level headed
chap, and who is full to the brim with
philosophy, recently laid down great
principle to me. 1t is this: Never
apologize.
"1f," he says, "thcrc is anything that
is absolutely futile, it is apology. In
stead Of making the person to whom it
is rendered feel any better concerning
the oversight or piece Of thougbtcss
ness on account of which it is given.
the apology simply intensilies his per-
ception Of that oversight and makes
him feel all the worse about it. y few
days ago I took luncheon with Il man
who said he was feeling very badly.
He had borrowed, upon point Of honor.
from q dear friend, the only copy in
existence Of n treasured historic manu-
script. Hc had promised 10 return it
straightway. 1t was the old story. A
servant, in quest Of paper to start 4
kitchen fire, got hold Of the precious
old manuscript and burned it up. What
should my friend do?
II advised him, from some expert
ence in such things, to avoid making
any apology, to say nothing whatever to
his friend about the matter and, when
the subject should finally be raised, to
feign Indifference and almost surprise
concerning it. In this way the lender
would think it must be that he had not
made clear the necessity Of returning
the manuscript or failed to indicate
sufficiently it's value.
Perhaps he would come to think
himself that it was Of no value. At all
events. he could not get very angry
with nan who appeared hardly to
realize that he had committed any Of
Tense whatever. This advice. believe,
was sound.
"My attention." he goes on, was first
directed to the futility Of apology sew.
eral years ago. I was northern man
in southern city, new to southern
conditions and inexperienced in deal
ing with the colored brother One
afternoon n Georgian friend urged me
to 20 somewhere with him for several
hours. replied that the one objection
to accepting was the fact that I had
asked my colored messenger to meet
me Mt certain place at o'clock and
to wait there until came, in case /
should be late. 1t would be pretty
hard to keep him waiting until 4 in the
afternoon.
"'I will tell you.' replied my friend,
how that can be made all right. When
you go around 1T o'clock, you ap-
proach him with the air Of perfect self
satisfaction If anything is said, give
him the notion that it is just his busi-
ness TO wait three hours for You and
that you compelled it as a matter Of
course. If to the least degree you apol-
ogize to him, you have ruined him as 4
messenger and spoiled him as 4 citizen.
He never will 10 anything for you
again after an apology.
"a further acquaintance with the
mysterious ways Of the colored brother
led me to believe that there was some
small amount OF wisdom in this ad-
vice or at least that it rested upon
some principles Of Ethiopian human
nature then began to wonder if the
same thing were not true Of the white
man. I believe it is.
can apology spoils everybody and in
jures the reputation Of the man MAX
ing it. Therefore my rule in life is to
do somewhere near as we'll as l can
and then in contact with my fellow
man to assume that have done exact
ly right aud to affect surprise and in
difference in the extreme at any sug-
gestion that things are ever otherwise.
4'The next time Lord Chesterfield
writes out his rules Of conduct he
should append rs one Of them, Never
apologize Do things meet for apology
as seldom rs possible, but, having done
them, do not apologize for them. That
is self incrim,nation, aud it is prin-
cIple Of old English common law that
no one should be obliged to testify
against himself"
I commend this reasoning to all
thinking persons. l have myself apol-
ogized q grca. many times, but can
not truly say that an apology has ever
really helped my case with the person
who was offended. OF course it patch
ed the matter up, but did that do any
good? 1t is conceivable that giving an
apology may be better than taking 4
licking, but may not AS failure to
apologize to p. for slight or an affront
be construed by e. rs proof that a. is
confident chat he can lick B., and con-
seQucnti- 70 apology is needed and no
attempt 81 q licking likely? These
things should bc pondcred carefully
Boston Transcript.
Eot Enr Sundny School Books