davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
: Only Natural.

sThat fellow has a regular horse
laugh .s..s .s>ss. h IL ~ lg.~.H q. x
''What could you expect of a man who
is infthe habit Of taking a pony every
hour or two? Chicago Evening News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Family Resemblance.

Crimsonbeak-Owe Moore's son was
in to see me, to-day.
Yeast-Indeed! Doesn't he remind
you of his father?
VERY much; he wanted to borrow
five dollars. '-Yonkers Statesman.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

Molly-"I wonder why those chickens
are called leghorns" Dolly-"Don't you
see the little horns on their ankles? "-GoId-
en- Days.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Encouraging Ambition.

why don't you cut down my cherry
tree?" asked the old man anxiously,
being very ambitious for his son. - IS
The boy hung his head.
'"'What if should discover that /
can tell a lie, father?" he, exclaimed,
trembling.
For it is the character Of the youth Of
to-day to lack confidence in ITSELF
Detroit Journal. H.. &. ~
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

When man builds large and costly
house, he should plan it with view to
its fitness for boarding house, for that IS
what every large house ultimately comes
to.-Atchison Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
A Sign of the Season,

The breath of spring is in the air,
And forth there issues from his lair
With brushes and with color pots,
The man who makes unsightly blots
Upon the landscape far and near
To advertise Van Chump's Root Beer.
IN. Y. Journal .r
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Ought to Have.

Statistics-Did you know that we
Americans use about five billion cigars
a year?
= Doesticks- Haven't one of 'em to
spare, have you?- IN. Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
A New Reason.

Mr.. De Club My dear, a great Ger
man physician says women require
more sleep than men.
Mrs. De C.-Does he?
Mr.. De C.-Yes, my dear-um-er-
you'd better not wait up for me to-
night-N. Y. Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
MS !, "a !, drum Existence.

Mrs. Wiggles Ny husband and 7
never quarrel. ..atz sgs5f5
Mrs. Waggles How tame and unin-
teresting your life must be!-Somer-
vile Journal. III,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Particularly Necessary

Friend-I understand that, in vour line
q man must be very plausible and persua-
sive.
Drummer-Yes; especially when he's ex.
planning to the firm why he hasn't sold any
goods.-Puck.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
They Were Loud Enourb

Wheeler-Bevelgear never has a bell on
his bicycle. W.
Scorcher-He doesn't need it. Just look
at his stockings.-N Y. Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
An Old ,Adage Enforced.

Dombey-Howi did you get that scar
on your forehead, Jones?
Jones MY wife and had an argu-
ment, and she obeyed that mean old
adage- strike while the iron is hot
IudOo
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

After it is too late a man thinks of lot
of bright things he might have said.-Chi.
cago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

We have not been without Piso,s Cure for
Consumption for 20 years.-Lizzie Ferrel,
Camp St.. Harrisburg, Pa, May 4, '94.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

Time may be money, but it's bard for a
man to make his creditors believe it.-Chi
cago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

It's useless to try to Kill time, for it viii
eventually turn the tables on you.-Chicagc
Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

statement that Ad-
m iral D e w e Y
ought to co m e
back to the United
States and get a
good rest. "
There was an
other silence, and
then Mr.. Crosby
said, hesitatin ely:
wv e understand
that, but - where
does the joke come
IMP"
Mr.. Sweet shook
like a leaf.
Il + necessary,
Mr., Crosby and Ia
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
4 starvation policy

Gazzam--A man in italy has lived 40
days wi thout food.
t,umso He was q business man who
Gid not advertise, I SUPP Harlem
Il tte, #.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

:
about four was sufferer female troubles
hadbackache aof hete appetite pansn stomach faint
spells weak and system completely run down.
also had falling OF womb bad that scarcely walk
across the floor After taking bottles Of your
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

week dlCcI yOu Icdu IL, d JOAc CudG WILL
present new and humorous aspects
every time you take up the study of it. :"
II never heard that kind of JOKE
said Miss Dixon. II just laugh, and
then it is all over.''
''Sweet, you've got me interested,'
said Mr.. Crosby. what is this thing
that you say is so funny?''
swell, it says here that Admiral
Dewey is broken in health, and so it is
proposed that he return to the United
States and rest up"
"Yes?" said Crosby, after a short
pause. Il read that. What about it o.
That's all there is about it, replied
Sweet, glazing at his paper.
Mr.. Crosby, Miss Baxter and Miss
Dixon looked at one another in silent
wonderment.
''Well, that-that isn't the joke, is
it?" asked Miss Baxter.
Mr.. Sweet trembled with wrath as he
rearranged the paper in front of him.
II take it that you do not find any
thing remarkable in the proposition
that Admiral Dewey return to the
United States for rest and quiet" he
said.
''Why, no. If he's been working too
hard l think they ought to send him
home. I'm sure he's entitled to a vaca-
ton if anyone isl
1--WE are not talking about vacations.
n
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
{ScribbIer knew Him.

iScribbler-There goes the snubeditor
of the Weekly Ha-Ha. ~ 5' ~: - =
Dauber-You mean the subeditor. 4
Scribbler- No, i don't. He is the man
who turns down contributors.-N. Y.
Journal. &<s1. - ~ r y - -
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
The Difference Exnlainetl

Mrs. Newlywed (timidly)-Is there
any difference, Bridget, between wash
ing soda and baking soda?
Bridget-Sure an there's dale of
dif renee. The vans the wan and the
ither's the ither.-Brooklyn Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Human Nature,

If people praised our virtues,
And our faults were all passed DER,
We'd get so darned conceited that
We would have friends no more.
Chicago Record,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

It's well to begin at the top of the ladder
and go down-in case Of fre.-GoIden Days.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Clocks without HamdIn ar 49,

In Switzerland they are making
clocks which do not need hands and
faces. The clock merely stands in the
hall and you press button in its stom-
ach when, by means of the monograph
ic internal arrangements, it calls out
''half past six or twenty-three minutes
to i" as the case may be. Chicago
/ ChEpnicle. ES z2fa5 S. IS, -
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

Antics Of Magnetic Needle in Russia.
ST. Awell known professor says that over
alarge area of Central Russia the mag
netic needle does not point north 81
south. It is in one part detected to the
west, and at ano other part to the east,
and at one place it points due east and
ives tn. =. Sun.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Eccentricities OF Rhyme.

sEccentricities of Rhyme. ~.
IS A lady who learned in the ballet
With steps highly graceful to ballet
On the show bills was known
AS Mile. Fanfarone; -. - ~. -,..
But her true name was Sallet McNallet.
Washington. Star. ....F -, ,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
very Neatly Put.

" She You are conundrum.
He-But i hope you haven't given me,
up yet Town Topics As 81
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
A Serious Case.

"A ScEAOuS CaSes
Young Mother-Wake up! Quick!
Quick! You must run for the doctor.
Young Father-Eh? What's the mat
ter?
Young Mother-Baby has stopped
smiling in his sleep.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

Cure your cough with Hale's Honey of
Horehound and Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
DiscOurag1nE.

D1SCOuTHS1nS.
Visitor-Why is the wife-murdeTer
weeping?
Guard-His female sympathizers got
hold of a tale that he was really not
guilty of KILN his wife and have quit
sendin' him bouquets.-Judge.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
He Can't Forget.

"Northside says that he has no diff
ficulty in remembering the Maine,'
said Mr.. Gaswel to Mr.. Dulane. Ellis
wife helps him.
''How sop
"She blows him up every night
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Foolhardy MAJ.

Mrs. Nskimpen think Mr.. Smith
must have liked the beefsteak pie. He
lad two helpings to it.
# The Tactless Boarder Possibly ho
did it on a wager. 81 Boston Transcript.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

To Cure q Cold in One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money if it fails to cure. Csc.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
INsULTED,.

Butcher Would You like a nice
cured ham, madam?
Mrs. Neville Cured, indeed! Do you
suppose I want q ham that's been sick?
IN. Y. Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21


'ears and had no relief Until I
'egan the use of your remedies.
Ny trouble was liberation of
the womb. I suffered
something terrible. could
not sleep nights and
thought sometimes that
death would be such a
relief. To-day lam a well
woman. able to do nv
own work, and have not
apain. fused four bottles
of Lydia E.. Pinkham;s
Vegetable Compoundand
three packages Of Sana-
tive Wash and cannot
- thank you enough for the
good it did me-"
MRS. NJ. SToDDARD,
Box 768. Springfield. Mimi,
writes:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

Hello! Just back, from the west?
Pleasure or business o. ~ a ;.#
Both. did SO much business that
It was apleasure. st. Louis Republic.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

But now my rheumstism has gone,
my courage has returned, and all ON
account Of that marvel, Hoods Sarsa-
parilla, which has made me piesureof
health. Now I'm in for business pure
and simple.
BSjp OboeaoO-''I had running sores for
eight years on my hips. was confined to
my bed at times and at others used
crutches. Hoods SaTseparilla cured my
hip and gave me permanent healthn OELIH
J. ARCHER, 139 Dudley Street, Daytour Ohio.
DndigeotJon-"I now have good sp-
petite, eat well, sleep well and my dyspepsia
and indigestion have left me. The reason
is Itook Hoods Sarsaparilla which entirely
cnred me. am Baggage Master on the
d. & o. Railroad" THOMAS Coles, uo
Carr st., Saudusky, Ohio.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

NNE reason Mrs. Pinkham's treatment helps women 60
Y promptly is that they have confidence in her.
Through some of the many thousands of Mrs. Pink
hams friends aling will to write to Mrs
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
CONFIDENCE
HELPS TO
CURE

Then the knowledge that only letters asking
for advice and only assist Pinkbam in renvn
makes easy to be explicit about the little things that define
the disease.
MRS. ELIZA THOMAS of 634 Pine St., Easton Pa writes.
:" DEAR MRS. P1NKHAMI doctored with 4vpo ~ ST. 49,.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
Prima Faci

Prima Facie.
Integrity upon his face
Shone clearly forth to all he met; :
And so he found it possible
To get in everybody's debt.
Brooklyn Life,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21
COMBINED.

. - = T 9
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-04-21

lly c.shartlc to take With Hood. s.r.p.ril
Marshall County independent. (Plymouth, Marshall County, Ind.) 1897-1902, 1899-06-02
Sugar as Food.

In paper recently published on the
value of sugar as 2 food compared with
fat. VI. Auguste Chauyeau maintains
that its nutritive value is considerably
higher than that deducted from its heat
of combustion, and that the calculation
that 0.756 pound of the former is equal
to one pound of the latter is in many
cases exceeded. The increase in rela-
tive nutritive value is due largely TO
the fact that sugar promotes assimila-
ton of the prOteids and reduces dissim-
ilatiOn, and the value of food must
necessarily depend not only upon the
energy it is capable of supplying, but
also on the Indirect influence that it is
capable of eXerting in the renewal and
formation of animal tissue. From
whatever point OF view the matter is
regarded. the superiority of sugar over
fat as food, whether for men at rest
or at work. is very distinct
Marshall County independent. (Plymouth, Marshall County, Ind.) 1897-1902, 1899-06-02

the sites Of the crucifxion. the Tes"r-
The more probable view is that Con-
stantine's structure united in one i'm
posing building the three sanctuarieS
of Calvary, the Holy Sepulcher and
the Inventio Crucis and the Madeba
mosaic seems to bear out that view.
1t need hardly be said that we have
not heard the last word on the Ques-
tiOn of Constantine's church, in the
light of this important discovery.
As for the genuineness OF the site OF
the Church OF the Holy Sepulcher. no
recent evidence can be adduced that
bears directly upon the question The
course OF the second wall has yet to be
traced and until that is done the queS-
ton will be brought no nearer solu-
ton. The subject will continue to be
keenly debated by explorers and ar
chaeologists. until some fortunate Off
Ger of the Palestine exploration fund
(as / hope) settles it finally and for
ever. Notwithstanding Maj. Conder's
convincing arguments against its gen
uineness. that well-known antiquaTy,
pr. Schick, stoutly maintains the ira
ditiOnal view In view Of the pilgrim
age to the holy sepulcher OF the Ger
man emperor DR.. Schick was requested
by German residents OF Jerusalem TO
write a treatise on the subject for
presentation to his imperial majesty.
He wrote it and set out fully the pros
and cons as they had come 10 his
knowledge during the fifty years that
he has been acquainted with the spot.
The last utterance of that veteran ar
chaeologist on a question upon which
Marshall County independent. (Plymouth, Marshall County, Ind.) 1897-1902, 1899-06-02
IlHiIN Recinc

Chicken Salad-Boil a good-sized
chicken until tender. Remove the
meat from the bones, rejecting all
skin and gristle. Cut into dice and add
to it one-third as much chopped cell
cry as you have chicken meat. Cover
wish a dressing made of two table
spoonfuls CT vinegar and one of olive
oil, with a very little mustard and pep
per and salt to taste. Stir well to-
Eether and let stand and marinate for
an hour or two; then pour over it a
mayonnaise sauce; toss with a silver
fork till well mixed. Pour the remain
der of the dressing over the salad
garnish with blanched celery leaves or
hearts of lettuce If with latter mix
just before serving.
Marshall County independent. (Plymouth, Marshall County, Ind.) 1897-1902, 1899-06-02
KHASNEH PHARAUN.
Pharaoh's Treasure House

tBnardOn redSure ltOuSe.)
measured. Constantine's church of the
Holy Sepulcher is also given, and the
representation. as far as it can be
made out, agrees with the description
of the church given by Eusebius. A
conspicuous feature in this mosaic pic
ture Of COnstantine's basilica is the
Anastasis rotunda, with its peculiarly
formed cupola.
Palestine archaeologists, who have
hitherto had access to the mosaic, or
who have studied reproductions of it,
differ very widely as to the interpreted
ton of some parts of it, and its repre-
sentation of the Church of the Holy
SeDulcher has been a special subject of
controversy. Some have professed to
see in 1T the mere ground plan OF the
famous basilica. but Ii more probably
represents a view, thrown off in a few
thick strokes of the church, giving in
vigorous outline it's easern facade, with
the three entrance gates mentioned by
Eusebius the roof, and, in the back
ground the rotunda, with its peculiar
dome-shaped roof. 1t is a matter OF
doubt as to whether Constantine built
one, two or even three churches upon
Marshall County independent. (Plymouth, Marshall County, Ind.) 1897-1902, 1899-06-02
DISTILLED WATER.
German Scientist Asserts That 1T Is
Dangerous.

dangerous.
A noted German scientist has writ
ten a pamphlet inyeighing against the
use of still water. His studies show
that it withdraws the salts from the
animal tissues and causes the latter to
swell or initiate; isolated living or
ganic elements, cells and all unincel-
lular organisms are destroyed in such
water, dying. since they become en-
gorged therein; that is, they lose the
faculty, upon which life depends, of
retaining their salts and other soluble
cell constituents, and consequently
these are allowed to diffuSe throughout
the water. Similarly, the same pois-
onous effects must occur whenever dis
titled water is used as a drink, the
sense of taste being the first to pro-
test against the article, with an i'm
mediate movement to rid the mouth
OF what has been taken; the local pOis
OnOuS effect of using the water making
itself known by symptoms of catarrh
of the stomach On a slight scale. The
ordinary distilled water, even when
freshly distilled. is not in fact absO-
lutely pure. while that used in labor
atories and clinics is. of course, gem
orally stale-has been kept standing
in open vessels. mostly in rooms where
chemicals of every sort abound. and
whose gases and efFluvia are taken up
by the water.
Marshall County independent. (Plymouth, Marshall County, Ind.) 1897-1902, 1899-06-02

he feels strongly and upon which he
is one of the greatest living authori-
ties, may fttingly close our notice OF
the subject: One thing has often
struck me-" he writes, namely, people
saying that the Christians OF the time
of Constantine were ignorant, supersti-
tious and so on. Maj. Gender even
says they hardly know the difference
between Christ and Scraps. People
who were prosecuted for their faith in
Christ and gave their lives as martyrs
for Christ certainly knew the differ
ence between the risen and living Lord
and pagan idols. Certainly also they
knew the scriptures and were acquaint-
ed with the configuration of the ground
in and about Jerusalem much better
than we. They lived only 300 years
after the crucifixiOn, We 1900 years.
Common sense suggests the question,
Can we know it better tan those Of
old?'"
AS for the excavations which have
recently been begun under the new fir
man. authorities anticipate with some
confidence that one result, at least, will
be the recovery OF the ancient Gath OF
the Philistines, which has never yet
been identified. and which disappeared
from history about $50 B. G. Included
in the area of ten square kilometers
permitted by the Turkish law on exca-
vations are four important sites-Tell-
es SAT-, Tell-el-Judeideh. Tell Zakari
va and Khurbet Dhikerin. The first
site is supposed by some to be the
ancient Mizpeh (watch tower) of the
tribe OF Judah. 1t was the Blanca
Guardia. or Blanche Garde of the Cru
saders. so called from the conspicuous
white chalk rock on which it stands.
The summit is now occupied by an
Arab village. with rich ana extensive
tobacco fields, which will prevent the
mound being extensively eXcavated.
The first mound to be attacked is Tell
Zakariya, which Maj. Gender had mark
ed out as an important site and, &C.
cOrding 10 the last report received from
the explorers. DR.. Bliss and Mr.. Stew
art MacAlister. the excavations are al
ready being prosecuted with the great
est energy. The hill rises almost $50
feet above the Vale of Elah. 1t com
mands views Of almost the whole of
Philistia, embracing the positions of
Enron, Ashdod and Ascalon. Tell-Za
kariya is free of modern houses and
graves (Which crown the summit of 50
many tells). and is. therefore. easy to
excavate. The explorer, thus having
free hand. will make a thorough eX-
animation OF the mound and will leave
none CT its ancient debris untouched.
The number of objects of antiquity
already unearthed is considerable and
is such as to encourage those interest
ed in Palestine research to anticipate
discoveries of real Importance. The
tell must have been regarded in an
Gent times as strategically important,
and the specimens of wares already
brought to light cover the period of the
Tell-el-Amarna and Tell-e iesy tab
| let's
Marshall County independent. (Plymouth, Marshall County, Ind.) 1897-1902, 1899-06-02
Sea Water for Street Sprinkling.

The Merchants Association of San
Francisco. says the Popular Science
Monthly, has been trying the expert
ment of sprinkling street with sea
water, and finds that such water binds
the dirt together between the paving
stones. so that when it is dry no loose
dust is formed to be raised by the
wind; that sea water does not dry so
quickly as fresh water. SO that it has
been claimed when salt water has been
used that one load of it is equal to
three loads of fresh water. The salt
water which is deposited on the street
absorbs moisture from the air during
the night, whereby the street is thor
oughly moist during the early morning
and has the appearance of having bee2
freshly sprinkled.
Marshall County independent. (Plymouth, Marshall County, Ind.) 1897-1902, 1899-06-02

The railroad expert believes that the
number of revenue tons hauled per
mile is the best indication of a rail
roads ability to handle traffic at the
lowest cost of transportation. AS is
we'll known, the receivers of the Bal
timore & Ohio Railroad have been
spending millions on improvements
and have not completed the work, the
lines west of the Ohio river being in
need of a general rehabilitation, which
they are to get this year. But the
revenue haul per mile in 1928 was
increased to ga tons and a special re-
port for the six months ending De-
cember 81, 1898, shows an average Of
1919 tons, quite an appreciable adj
vance. II is confidently expected that
still further improvement will be
shown before long.