Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1899-08-04
SSss09;:sy> ~ 800
lf,lIl T. 81 q|ll5KR1k j Il.


To remove freckles-send the boy out
Of the room.-Boston Globe.
Teacher-What Is a buttress? FlossJ
"A buttress is female butter-maker
Judge.
The Cuban insurgents have raised
Hades long enough; now let them raist
cane.-Chicago Times-Herald.
She-"You say you met yol& friend
acidentallyY He-"Yes; fell in with
him while skating."-Yonkers States
man.
Conundrum by the Cheerful Idiot
Q.-"What is worse than raining cats
and dogsY" A.-"Hailing cabs and
buses."-Punch.
Mother drilling Teddy for his first
party)-And now, darling, what Is 9
greedy boy? Teddy-A boy who wants
everything want.
what kind of tree is the hardes
to climbT asked the teacher. lone that
hain't got no limbs" little Albert re
plied.-Chicago News.
"We didn't have time to stop, SO we
bought a lunch and ate it as we drove
along" "Ah, l see-you dined 10
cart. Philadelphia Bulletin.
Shelf capital punishment must
be, I certainly favor electricity" He.
ooh! That is to say, you prefer cur
rents to raisin's Harlem Life.
Mrs. McBride-"Ha was beside
myself at the condition you came home
In last night" Harry-"Yes; it seems
to me did see two of you."-Judge.
Little Willie-"Pa, why do they call
them minor poets'" Pa-"Becauss
they ought to be working with the
pick and shovel, my son."-Tit-Bits.
Here's benevolent assimilation fol
you" as the milkman remarked, when
he showed the can under the spout OF
the pump.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mortified old lady-Oh, kind sir, think
of your mother! Think Of your motherl
Burglar (sternly)-No use, lady; waa
brought up in an Observation-Disclosures
Caller-Excuse me, can speak te
your typewriter a moment? City man
You can't; she's engaged. Caller
That's all right; I'm the fellow.-IlluS
trated Bits.
His sweetheart have always heard
that all Spaniards were expert at fenc
ing. Returned volunteer-Yes, indeed
they are; especially with barbed wire
Brooklyn Life.
Tom-Why were you so determined
to kiss that homely cousin of yoursi
Dick-I wanted to establish prece-
dent. She has two very pretty sisters
you knowledge.
Little Mike Tin the midst of his read.
ing)-Feyther, how d'yez pronounce
Il-o-i-l-o? Observation-Disclosures uti
Begorra! did yez niver hear tur-r-r
key gobble 9Puck.
First tourist-That Indian seems to
have an awful load on. Second tourist
Yes. He has evidently followed Kip
ling's advice, and taken up the white
mans burden.-Life.
"Have you ever read the article on
how to tell bad egg?" "No, haven't;
but my advice would be, If you have
anything important to tell bad egg
why, break it gently."-Tit-Bits.
Dombey-How did you get that scar
on your forehead, Jones? Jones-Oh,
my wife and l had an argument, and
she obeyed that mean old adage-
strike while the iron is hot.-Judge.
Tom-'I don't know whether she
sings or not" Jack-"She doesn't.
heard her."
She-"You are a conundrum." He
"But I hope you haven't given me up
yet."-Town Topics.
''Hello, Swardie! haven't met you
since you came to the city and set up
for doctor. How are you getting
along? Are you making your markY
"Er-yes, I'm doing considerable vac.
ng."-Chicago Tribune.
"How can you scold all the time"
was dSK6Q OIL Luo WOLudu WllA I've SIcp-
children and an indolent husband. 81
can't just explain it, but knows that
I'm blessed with wonderful powers of
endurance"
"a pun" remarked the pedant, sis
merely a play on words" Eyes" an
swered the frivolous person. 'They
call it play; but, as a rule, it seems
more like arduous and unnecessary
work" -Washington Star.
The dear girl had been batting him
again. do you believe in love at first
sightY" she asked. "Of course" an
swered the savage bachelor. do you
suppose, If a man had the gift Of Sec
ond sight, he would fall in love?
81 heard We were on shtrike," said
Mike to his friend Pat. II was that"
answered Pat. "A shtrike for what,
PatY "For shorter hours, Nike"
"An' did We get them" "Sure we did,
Mike. It's not workin' at all l am
now"