davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

The weather prophet in plight
Looked forth upon the sky one night
And doggedly he said:
Twill rain or blow or snow, I fear;
Or else, twill be quite warm and clear"
Aud then he went to bed.
Washington Star.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23
The Usual Thing.

Farmer Hayrick-Well, Zeke, when
ye- wuz in Washington did yer make
inquiries ez to what our congressman
wuz dom?
Farmer Hedgrow-Yes, I asked, an
everybody said he wuz dom barten-
ders! Wonder what Their fools meant
N. Y. Journal.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

Jocular Jack-Loidy, kin yer gimme
some cold wittals?
Mrs. Jay-Yes, my poor man! Go
over to the woodhouse and you'll find
lots of chops.-St. Louis Republic.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

that came within reach of their purses.
The two girls were great friends, each
just IA, and pretty and full of fun.
They were going to send this year
number of valentines to other friends
and relatives, and had come in together
to select them.
As they stood before the little show
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

Goodly-What is grander than a man
you can trust?
Cynicus-One who will trust you.-Jewlsh
Comment.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

When well digger finishes job he prob
ably considers it well done. IL. A. w.
Bulletin
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

The closer money is the harder it is to
get hold of.-Chicago Daily News.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23
Lady-Do you really think men have
more brains than women!
Man-Some men, madam.
Lady-Some? What men, pray?
Man-Single men.-Pick-MeUp.


He married the girl of his choice
In spite of the things his friends said;
To-day they look on and rejoice
While he wishes that he were dead.
Chicago Record
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

Stricken with Sciatica? St. Jacobs Oil will
strike it out and cure.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

Why suffer so with Neuralgia? st. Jacobs
Oil will drive it all away.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

The rich and the poor have different rea-
sons for fasting.-Chicago Daily News.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23
To Cure a Cold in One Day

Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggist refund money if it fails to cure 25c.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23
Sometimes Goes by Contrnries.

After ten years counting Brown married
And soon he was disconnected.
But Robinson married in haste,
And he has never repented.
Chicago Tribune.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1899-02-23

DIII-
Life.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24

remarked solemnly that he knew he
would lose but was willing TO pay 20
cents to see the trick. With that he
handed over his hat, which was brand
new, and the tobacco salesman proceed
ed to send for some eggs and broke sew
eral into the crown.
"He stirred them up with a knife and
then held the hat over the gas. In
about three seconds 1t was a CHASTITY,
hideous ruin, dripping raw eggs
through a big hole burnt in the top.
by jovei' he exclaimed, you have beat
me out OF the cigars. I've forgotten
how to do the trickl" AS the Georgian
examined his wrecked tile his face was
a study for a painter. A few hours la
ter ! encountered him at the hotel, and
he took me aside. L won that fellows
cigars all right" he said, but still
think 1t was a kind OF a foolish bet.'
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24

books?"
81 have so many books now" laugh
ed the young nan
You'd better take them" said the
child; 1--WE got something to say to
you about Sister Ethel"
The young man started.
"Ill tell you what I'll do, Cissy," he
said. "IH take them on approval"
whats that?"
look them over" replied the young
man, "and if l like them I'll keep them
and pay you for them. If l don't like
them I'll return them to you"
SIS that straight, G~eorge?"
Certainly. Besides, Cissy, you know
the elevator boy can't keep you out if
you haven't the books with you
"All right, George. I'll trust you"
"And now, Cissy, what have you to
say to me about Ethel?"
But the child had perched herself on
the broad window sill, looking down
on the Public Square, and was softly
humming, 'Hullo, My Baby She paid
no attention to Georges inquiry.
George looked at her curiously.
"Cissy," he said, how would you
like a heaping plate OF ice cream
The child nodded, but did not cease
her tune. George smiled and glanced
at his watch.
"Cissy," he said, what do you say
to getting the heaping plate of ice
cream and then going over to the mat
inee of Jack and the Beanstalk?'"
Cissy looked around quickly.
"Honest?" she cried. George nod
ded. She sprang from the window sill.
You're a darling" she murmured and
snatched up her hat.
Plenty of time" said George. "You
were going to tell me something, you
know"
yes" asserted Cissy, "I know. It's
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24
MR.. N CLAUS.

the phone.
Don't you do It," cried the child.
Papa Jayne is down town at his office
and of course hasn't missed me, and
Sister Ethel is out to luncheon with
Name Oliver and she won't miss me I'M
til she comes back. An now let me
ask your 'tention to these nice books.
They are very choice. One is Little
Women by the author Of Little Men,
an the other is Little Men, by the
same author. They are nice moral
books. There are pitchoors in them.
Lemme put down your name for both"
Good" said George Henderson,
very good. You father was quite
right. You have found your profess
sion and you are sure to rise in it."
Haven't l already come up eight
stories?" laughed the child. Then she
quickly added: do o take the
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24

about Ethel"
Its about Ethel, softly repeated
George.
Well" said Cissy, "she amt been
happy a minute since you quarreled
with her.
81 didn't quarrel with her." protest
ed George.
''Well, 1 heard some of it," said Cissy,
land even if Ethel is my sister I don't
think you ought to put all the blame on
her. She felt awful bad about it. l
slept with her that night, cause Aunt
Laura came to see us, and l heard her
crying. An yesterday-well, you know
there's a basket of photographs on the
piano, and ma expects me to keep the
piano busted, an sometimes | forget it,
and I sneaked in the parlor and there
was Ethel looking at your photograph.
an when she saw me she showed it in
the pile and walked away, an l looked
on the top of the piano an there was
four big tear drops in the dust. Say,
what was it you quarreled about
Annie Pleasanton?"
81 believe her name was mentioned"
said George.
Somebody told Ethel that they saw
you an Annie riding together in the
park, didn't they?"
81 believe So admitted George.
Yes said Cissy calmly, that was
me-"
You told her that?" cried George.
"Yes," said Cissy sweely, Il told her.
She wouldn't let me wear her second
best hat"
George looked black for a moment,
then his face cleared. He turned abrupt
ly and stepped to the phone.
"E. 1901 L." he called.
Knows it by heart" murmured
Cissy.
'Is Miss Ethel there?" inquired
George. Eyes, l wish to speak to her."
George" cried Cissy, don't you for
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24

Why is an accepted sutton Ike a per-
son guilty of a crime? Because he
ought to be transported.
Why is an avaricious man like one
troubled with a bad memory? Because
he is always forgetting.
Why is a girl not a noun? Because
a lass (alas!) is an injection.
Why are indolent persons beds toe
short for them? Because they lie toe
long in them.
When is a man like a looking glass?
When he reflects.
When is a window like a star? When
It is a skylight-
Why is a widower like a house in a
state of dilapidation? Because he
wants repairing.
Why is a lady in a cotton dress like
anything published? Because she APP
pears in print.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24
NUTS 10 CRACK

which travels ct the greatest speed.
heat or coIdf Heat for you can easily
catch cold.
why should the male sex avoid the
letter A? Because it makes men,
mean.
What kind Of wine is both meat
and drink. Old port. with a crust
Why are people who stutter not to
be relied on? Because they are always
breaking their word.
Why is a game of cards like a tim
Der yard? Because there are always a
great many deals in it
What is the difference between forms
and ceremonies? You sit upon one and
stand upon the other.
In what color should a secret be
kept? Inviolate lin violet).
Which would you rather have. I've
dollars or a fve-dollar bill? The lat
ter. because you double it when you
put it in your pocket. and find it in
creases when you take 1t out.
In what part of the church do they
ring the bells (belles). At the altar.
What is that of which the common
sort is best? Sense.
Why should a perfumer be a good
editor? Because he is accustomed TO
make elegant extracts.
Why is a a like a green goose
berry? Because any woman can make
a fool of him.
What is the color of a grass plot
covered with snow? Invisible green.
Why ought a greedy man to wear a
plaid waistcoat? To keep a check
upon his stomach.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24
AN EXPENSIVE BET.

The winner Suffered a Creates Loss
I'm His Personal Property.
Speaking OF practical Jokes" said Q
Canal street business man who had
just returned from a trip through North
Georgia, to a writer for the Mobile
Herald. 81 saw that old omelet trick
played on a fellow in Atlanta the other
night, and l was really amazed he
didn't go on the warpaua then and
there.
The thing occurred at a restaurant
where l was taking supper with four
chance acquaintance made on the trip.
One of the party q a cigarsalesman
from Richmond. and after supper he
amused us with some sleight-ofIhand
tricks. Finally he turned to a North
Georgia merchant who was in the
crowd, and asked IL he had ever seen
an omelet mad in a hat The merchant
was a portly. rather pompous individ-
ual, and replied, after ONE thought
that he had not. Well said the to-
baeco man. I'll bet the cigars for us
two that 1 can make an omelet In the
crown OF your new silk hat without
damaging it in the slightest degree
l knew what was coming and began to
giggle Historically, but the Georgian
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24
/ took myself for ! dog! I'm Z book

/ took myself for I dog! I'm Z book
agent"
"A book agent. Cissy Jayne?"
Eyes, a book agent. George Hender.
son, is there anything the matter with
my being a book agent?
Certainly not" laughed the young
a ITS an ancient and honorable
profession, even if a rude and unap-
preciative janitor does classify it with
~peddlers and dogs. But how did you
happen to adopt it,"
The girl scowled at him.
"See here, George Porgie," she snap
ped, don't you give me any of your
Harvard talk. Kindergarten words is
good enough for me. I'm a book agent
cause dad put it in my head. At the
table yesterday he got mad at me and
said 1 had brass enough for a book
agent. DO you think I'd make a good
book agent, dad?' says /. It's just
what you're fitted for be growled.
And so this noon l picked two books of
mine from the big bookcase and start
ed out"
"See, here, Cissy jayne" cried the
young man, you don't mean to say that
you came all the way down town alone?
How did you do it?"
with a nickle and a transfer" gig
gled the child.
"And your father, and Miss Ethel
don't know where you are?"
"No, they don't
I'LL telephone to them at once" said
the young man, as he turned towards
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24
THE BUSINESS VENTURE
OF CISSY JAYNE.


The tall young man at the desk by
the big window looked up with a start.
There was something strangely famil-
lar about the little figure in the door
way. He arose hurriedly from his
chair.
why, it's Cissy," he cried and
stepped forward. The child's figure
swayed towards him and he caught 1t
in his arms.
George Henderson," a tired little
voice painted. why don't you live up
to heaven and be done with it?"
what is 1t, Cissy2' cried the young
man as he placed the child in the great
padded chair in the corner, and I'M
fastened her big hat and anxiously
looked her over.
Its these eight flights of stairs,
George" the faint voice painted. "But
I'm all right. Just gimme time to get
my breath"
Gracious, Cissy, did you walk up:'
The tired head weakly nodded.
She was a slender girl Of perhaps a
dozen years. Her features were PROM
nent, her eyes Keen her chin aggres.
sive. Her light hair was brushed tight
ly back from her face. am this en-
phasized the sharpness of her features
and her look. She was very neatly
dressed, and under enc arm carried two
handsomely bound books.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24

why in the world didn't you take
the elevator, Cissy?"
Her breath was coming back now
and she smiled up at the young man
and lifted one eyebrow in a whimsical
way.
"Ill tell you, George" she answered.
II went into the vestybool, way down
by the sidewalk, you know, and I was
just goin' to step into the elevator when
the fresh kid in brass buttons that
runs 1t pointed to a sign on the wall.
While / was readin' it ne ruined the
elevator UP. You know the sign. It's
the one that says, No book agents,
pecdlers nor dogs allowed in this
building / read it and walked up"
But I don't see" began the puz-
Zled young a
George Henderson," cried the girl,
"o7t YOU look at me as If you thought
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24

get that the girl at the exchange is
listenin' to every word you say"
SIS that you, Ethel?" inquired George
at the phone. Eyes, it's George. I
wanted to tell you that Cissy is here
with me.-Yes, she's all right, and
hope you didn't worry much.-Yes.
She came on Business. She had a little
confession to make"
George Henderson," cried Cissy.
Il will explain it all to you when !
come up.-Yes, I'm coming to dinner
if you will let me. Cissy is going with
me to a matinee and then we'll come up
together.-What's that? Cissy isn't
dressed to go anywhere? Why, l fancy
she's got on her best clothes"
Much you know about it," snorted
Cissy.
Anyway, she is looking charming"
Ring off" cried Cissy.
IL think that's all until we meet
%goodby," and George reluctantly rang
off.
eff I hadn't been here said Cissy,
you'd have most likely melted that
wire"
"All ready?" queried the smiling
George as he took up his hat.
"All ready said Cissy with great
alacrity. "And my stock-the books,
you know"
"Ill take care of them" said George.
1.-TWO more excuses for coming up
giggled Cissy.
Come along" cried George.-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24

George, I want to ask you a quesh-
'un."
well, what is it?"
TITS bout thish mar Roberts"
"Oh, hang Roberts"
"Thish is what I want to ask you,
George-d-does man wiz three wives
nesh-cerially have to have t-t-three
night keys?"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-24

Why are weary persons like carriage
wheels? Because they are tired.
Why would . tanner make q good
chemist? Because he understands
oxides COX hides).
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1899-02-20
SHORT NEWS STORIES.

SAVANNAH. Ga,-Dr. George Stone. n
well known yellow fever expert, died here
OF heart failure.
WASHINGTON Zacharlah Chan
dler ia dead. She had been an invalid
several months, finally succumbing to old
age,
CHlCAGO.--David Bradley president of
the David Bradley Manufacturing COM
pany and proprietor of the iirst foundry
In Chicago. Is dead of old age.
PHILADELPHIA.--Lu Chaplin, the
founder Of the Senior Order OF American
Mechanics. died at his home In this city.
He was SO years old, His death was due
to general debility.
KANSAS CITY. Mo--Arthur Deweese
he son of once wealthy parents aud years
ago classmhte of James l.. Flood, son
q the late bonanza king, died here az the
Helping Hand institute, penniless.
TELLURODE. Colo tremendous snow
slide came down the side of Yellow noun
tain about quarter or mile below the
town OF Ophlr and killed one man and
practically DESTROYED the Caribou Central
plant,
WARRINGTON was a large at
tendance al the final meeting al the
church of Our Father OF the Trlenniai ses-
sion OF the National Council OF Women.
elizabeth b. Grannis OF New York read
y scholarly paper entitled lis the church
universal hindrance or a help to the
development Of w0mankind /"
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1899-02-20
MIR. PORTER sAsGulyE.
Asserts There Can lie 40 Turif War
with Gcrnnny.

WIN oeTntny.
London, February 19.--In an interview
with the correspondent of the Associated
Press last evening, Mr. Robert Porter,
who goes to Berlin tomorrow, explained
at some length the objects OF his mis-
sion, prefacing his remarks with the
statement that since the war with Spain
many continental countries had shown
disposition to make unfrendly discrimina-
ton against American products.
Referring to the recent statements IN
the reichstag by Count Won Posadowski-
Wehner. German imperial secretary OF
state for the interior. Of the trade deyel-
opments of the United States with Ger
many, he said that close study OF the
question did not warrant the conclusions
drawn by Count Posadowslsi- Wehner On
the contrary. it showed most satisfactory
aud probable trade conditions 80 far
as Germany is concerned.
There can be no commercial difficulty
between the United States and Germany.
feoause. apart from Great Britain Amer
lea Is bound more closely to Germany by
bonds of kinship or mutual interests than
to any other power. Individual interests
may clash, but fair analysis of the ball
ance sheets of the two nations shows a
healthful condition of trade which is a
subject of rejoicing rather than alarm on
both sides"
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1899-02-20

sssanissd and 20 FAR they have been ems
~ euppressed.
IL Is affirmed that the Dupuy cabinet
VIII act theoretically TO maintain public
order.
rae keyAote Of M. Loubct'~ policy
nay probably BIC found in the fol-
lswinx ccnver.atisn with NJ. hour
xeois, leader Of the moderate repub-
licans, who came TO oRcr to the
president the support of his party.
Before accepting 1t, NJ. Loubct said
ssYou nre doubtless aware that ono
OF the nrst enactments of any min
astry az mine will be a stringent
law TO stem the current of insult.
infamy and defamation which now
befouls France. I fear that perhaps
legislation of this kind will scarce
~ tally with radical ideas"
NJ. Bouraeois answered with "a
cheerful acquiesccnce.
Herr Frischauer the correspondent here
Of the Neue Freie Presse has been expelled
from the country.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1899-02-20
NEUROLOGICAL.

ANDERSON.-Mc Mckinney, Texas, Feb
ruary 1S.--Joe. A. Anderson, an early
settler of Collin county and Confederate
veteran, died at his home west of this
city yesterday. The remains were inferred
here today by Throckmorton Camp eX-
Confederates.
TRACY.-San Antonio, Texas, February
19.-Lewis Tracy, local agent for X. G..
Dun & Co., died here today at the age OF
81 of Bright's disease.
ROBINSON. -Lovelady, Texas. February
I'M w. T. Robinson, an aged farmer
living about four miles west of here died
this afternoon about . o'clock of Bright 8
disease.
CARTER. Eagle Pass, Texas. February
1S.-George Carter, aged SO years n prom
inent ranchman of this county died in this
city last night. His brother, Charles. also
Il prominent ranchman of this county, died
here just a week ago.
BEAUCHAAiP.--En Ennis. Texas February
lS.-5irs. M. d. Beauchamp. an aged lady
residing at Tellco, died at tnat place yes
icrday morning and was buried today.
KING Ennis, Texas, February 49,
Mrs. Nj. A. King OF this ely, who has
been lying at the point Of death for sew
eral weeks, died at her home yesterday
afternoon at o'clock. She Vas thc
X.
Tom King Mrs. A. II, Oliver and Mrs
a. Moore, all OF Ennis. Her remains
were Inferred in Myrtle cemetery this
morning at II o'clock.
HAMMlL.-Yoakum. Texas. February
1s.--Died, al 10 o'clock Thursday night.
Agnes the two-year- daughter of Mira
G. o. Hammil. The remains were Inferred
In the Catholic cemetery at o'clock This
afternoon.
MoEHLER,- Winchester, Texas. Feb
ruary lS.-Mrs. Moehler. wife of Joa
Moehler, died this morning at A o'clock.
The bereayed husband has the heartfelt
sympathies of the community. They have
no children.
MATTHEWs.--Elk hart. Texas. February
at his residence six miles north
east of this place at o'clock today. Henry
Matthews, aged i2 years He had been
suffering several months With Brigbt's
disease.
JOLLY foakum, Texas. fsebrliary IL
-Lnst Wednesday, at II ocicck noon. The
spirit OF Joe jolly took lis hisht Ia mo
Great Beyond Deceased WAS onc IL the
landmarks Of Yoakum. no man being pet
Ter known than he. Good natured. chart
table. Kind hearted, his friends we're co.
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1899-02-20
THE FIRE RECORD.
Mig Fire In wisconsin.

Fort Washington, Wis, February 90
Fire which started tonight in the dry kilns
of the Wisconsin Chair factory reduced
that plant to ashes and up to ] o'clock
is spreading. The loss to the chair face
tory is ss5c,ooo; insured for about 30
per cent,
The plant of the chair factory covers
about three blocks and employs about 800
hands.
Al a m. the Wil~)n house, the largest
hotel in the town. caught fire. The flames
ieaped across The river to an unoccupied
foundry, formerly operated by the Western
Malieable iron company and soon reduced
1t to ashes. row of business establish
mcnts on Main street were burned II is
expected the flames will be confined to the
section now affected
The Houston daily post. [volume] (Houston, Tex.) 1886-1903, 1899-02-20
FOREIGN.

Some OF the Frenchmen who don't like
the new president are acclnimng It public
~ by demonstrations OF various sorts
Campaign regularly organized to compel
him to resign.
Three hundred Cinnamon are said to
have been killed by Russians at fallen
Wan.
NeIil's bearish statement is having an
effect at Manchester.
Due d'orleans has finally given up hope
o. anything turning up for him in France.
Mr.. Robert Porter asserts that there can
be no commercial difficulty between the
tinted States and Germany.
Both Germany and the United States
have entered protests as to acts by repre-
sentativos of the other iu Samoa