Mesa free press., 1899-01-20

Y ~
Mondeau-Does he write for money!
Bonveau-Yes, but his pa doesn't re-
spond.-Up-to-Date.
Quipps-"You should see the girl I'm
going to marry-shes bird" Phipps
II heard she was a high-fyer.
Town Topics.
"Papa," said little Johnny, they're
not in it" "What are not in 1t, my
boy" why, the other twenty-four
letters Of the alphabet"
Author-I always test my poems by
reading them to my wife. Friend-Ah,
yes-and you use those she likes? Au-
thor-No; those she doesn't.-TM-Bits.
He-Do you know when you get
bad coin? She-Why, certainly, do.
He-How do you know? She-Why,
the man offer 1t to refuses to take 1t.
Wife Ito her husband)-I say, my
dear, how badly the tailor has put this
button on your waistcoat. This is the
fifth time have had to sew it on
again.
"Those folks next door must have
bought that house." ''What makes you
think SOP" 'I heard her scolding the
maid for driving picture nall into the
plaster"
Trivvet-What makes you call Miss
TenspOt new woman? / haven't no.
ticed anything forward about her.
Dicer-She keeps her engagements to
the minute.
sit Is remarkable that one rooster
can do all that growing" II think the
little rooster Is helping him." "Oh,
| yes; an auxiliary crew, Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Papa-Well, did the photographers
succeed in making the baby look pleas
ant? Mamma-No; the baby succeeded
In making the photographer look un-
pleasant-Puck.
Percy Bradford uses lot of per-
fume. Doesn't he know that 1t is bad
form? ''Well, it's sort of family pride.
You know he comes of old colognial
stock. The Widow.
"Now, Bennie, here's the medicine,
and here's the dime papa left to pay
you for taking it." "All right. mamma.
If you take 1t and don't tell, I'll give
you lf."-Harper's Bazar.
De Witte-Queer about Welsh rare
bit. The acting cook-What is queer?
De Witte The girl who makes it al
ways says it isn't nearly SO good as the
one she made the other night. Puck.
1t was Mr.. Justice Maule who, said,
In answer to a witness who declared
that he had been welded to the truth
from infancy: "Yes. sir; but the ques-
tton is-how long have you been wild
| ower?"
Minnie-What frauds these beggars
are. I met a "blind' man. who said,
please give me a penny. beautiful
ladyw Mamie-Yes. he said that to
make you think he really was blind
Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Upjohn-Our minister is a high
| " learned man. I believe he knows
every word in the dictionary. Mrs.
Downleigh - That's nothing. Our
preacher uses lots Of words that ain't
In the dictionary at all.-Chicago Trib-
une.
"It Is very nice in your wife to buy
cigars for you." remarked one man.
"Yes," replied the other, after some
consideration, "it's delicate and con-
siderate way Of keeping me from spoil
Ing her lace curtains with tobacco
smoke"
Three different walters at an hotel
asked prim, precise little man at din
ner If he would have soup. A little an
noyed, he said to the last waiter who
asked the question, "Is it compulsory?"
mo, SIR" said the waiter;'"I think it's
mock turtle"
Young man." said the young wom
ans father, "you have boasted several
times that you possess an honored
name." Eyes, sir" replied the foreign
,uitor, haughtily. swell. may inquire
what bank it will be honored at and
FOR how much"
| Mrs. Suddenrich-What awful nice
spoons them are! Dealer-Yes, madam:
! they are our very latest designs. Mrs.
S-Are they to eat fruit with? Dealer
! They are souvenir spoons, madam.
Mrs. S.-Gimme dozen. Our new
French cook makes elegant souvenir
Mistress-Why, Bridget you surely
don't consider those windows washedY
Bridget-Sure, washed 'em nicely on
the inside, mum, so ye can look out;
but Intentionally lift thin little
dirty on the outside so thin aignorant
Jones children MKT door couldn't look
!n.-Truth.
"a man has to keep his eyes open to
be politician nowadays" remarked
one statesman. Possibly that Is correcr
as a general principle" replied the oth-
or sshut If Won had looked around ac