The times., 1899-06-25
New York Cotton Market.
An unnnturnI Parent.
From the New York SUM-


81 wasn't born cross-eyed nor club
footed" said the man from Montana, rs he
made a vicious bite at the end of fresh
cigar, land things have gone fairly well
with me in business way, but yet there
is one thing which never comes up to me
that | don't feel like committing murder
My father named me Bonaparte AS a
child l was, of course, called Bony, but as
soon as old enough to get into the street
the boys shortened that to Bones. and
Bones | am to this day. I'm telling you
that no man who is Bill, or Joe, or Tom
ever gets up in the world beyond GER
tain point He may be known as good
fellow, but your familiarity with him loses
him your respect and you undervalue him.
Let a man get nickname after he has con-
quered fame and it helps him, but people
are not helping Jacks and Jims and Petes
to Congressional honors or governorships.
That name of Bones excited ridicule and
contempt. / licked fifty different kids for
loading it on to me, but it stuck. / went
to Sunday school and day schools as Bones.
/ went to college and to business as Bones.
If my name had been George or Reginald
or Harry people would have considered
that l had feelings, but as it was any old
thing was all right for Bones No intro
duction was considered necessary. Being
named Bones, l must be good fellow, and
good fellows never stand for ceremony.
The name kept me back at school and col
lege, and though l fell in love with doz-
en- different girls before l was twenty
three, they all gave me the shake on ac-
count of the name.
II finally packed up and took skip of
thousand miles for the sole purpose of
getting rid of Bones. / simply used the
initial, and after three months I was way
up in the new community. l opened
store, began to court a girl, and the people
insisted that / take the postmastership.
I'd have had it and probably a wife at the
same time, but for the advent of one OF
my old acquaintances. He dropped into
town and called me Bones, and 1t knocked
me into the middle of the last century.
Nobody had any use for man with such
name. There was no weight, no dignity
to it, II would have been all right for a
Digger Indian or a Chnaman, but even the
Hanks and Sans and Abes scoffed at 1t.
AS q matter OF fact, 1t was man known
| to everybody as Snub- -nosed Bill who
started the move to freeze me out. In
sixty days | took another jump and set
| tied down in a new place. | was almost
| Immediately asked to run for the State
senate. l had accepted, and the campaign
had opened with the certainty OF my be-
| ing Il winner when l was given away
again. | knew how 1t would be- Within
twenty-four hours l was asked to with
draw, and another candidate was put up.
| The local papers even tried to make 1t out
that l was a villain for having played the
public.
my third skip landed me in Montana.
| I'm there yet. I'm Bones to every man.
woman, and child for a hundred miles
| around. I'm Bones to my cowpuncher and
Bones to every tramp whS comes along,
and I'm given the throw dow1 for no other
| reason For the last month I've been
| working a political racket which was de-
signed to land me in Congress after
while 1t has cost me good deal OF
| thought and considerable money. and this
forenoon / was dead sure of success. But
I'd forgotten my hoodoo. you see. An
hour ago / received this telegram from one
| of my workers. See what 1t says: No
use. They got onto Bones, and the deal is
off,"