davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23
Gravel Roads

If the road Dverseer or parties
in terested in good roads will
take grader, set at the proper
angl. and drive up one side and
down the other side Of the gray
ell roads that were built last
summer and fall, the ruts cut III
them will be filled and then
they will pack evenly and firm
ly, making a smoother and bet
ter road than they were when
completed. Do not commit the
error of thinking that a gravel
road or any other road will take
care of itself for it Will not, but
the road that is treated properly
the first year will be five times
as good and last ten times as
long as the one that is neglect
ed the first year.
To starta road overseer out
with one man TO do patch work
IS eXtrdVlglnce perS )lItt, AM
that is just what the County
Court does. 1t costs s.. 10 to
put 500 worth Of work on the
road. Give the road oVerseer
10 men TO work and then it will
only cost 81. 40 to put $40 worth
of work on the road. See, Yes
Monroe County has an econo
miCal set of County Ju dyes.
They deserve tatfy and soft
soap.
HOME SEEKERS EXCJ2SIOIj
The new dates for the Home
seekers excursions over the Bur
lington Route to the west
northwest and southwest are,
Jan. II, Fed. Z and II, and Mch.
Z and II at one fare plus 50. 90
for the round trip. Forfurth her
pa rticulars see
]. l.. LYON
Monroe City, Mo.
r. A. Ogle, of st, Louis, came
up Saturday 10 attend to bust
ness and visit his mother, Mrs.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23
FOR SALE.

One hundred and forty acres
Of No. stock fields, plenty of
running water.
WM. I[UNERWADEL.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

The Nicaragua canal bill was
knocked out in the lower house
after Il fierce fight
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

The country Republican)
press is still lauding Hon. j, IT,.
Whitecotton, Monroe rcprescn
tative, to the sllys. 1t is rather
remarkable to say the least of
it, to see the Republican press
pouring tatfy and soft soap
down Il Democratic officials
neck.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

Go to Il. Manning Walkers
for 1SK wedding rings.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

VIM. Shields, of Audrain
county, was the guest of friends
in TIL, vicinity, Saturday.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

Ev Eaklc, Il wide.awake con.
tractor of Palmyra, was in the
city Thursday, looking over the
burned districts.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

DR.. Hornback. Oculist and
Aurist. Hannibal. Mo.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

W. n. Ragland was attending
to legal business in Palmyra,
Thursday.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

Sewing Machine oil and need
les at WALKERS, the ieweler.
Ollie Nolen has moved from
near Indian Creek to the old
home place south Of the city.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

Mrs. Geo. II. Williamson left
Friday Afternoon for Brooiifeld
To spend several days with her
sister, Mrs. 9Th go. Gartner.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

Sewing Machines $50, 30 best
in the world.
Il. MANNING WALKER.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

VI. FELIX Fiur1 President o,
France died at 10 p m Thursday
Of apopleXy.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

+. p. Nelson. OF St. Louis ,
came in Friday to spend sew
eral days attending to business.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

John Fahy, one of the thor
ough- bred Bryan Democrats, of
Huntington, was in the city on
business, Friday.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

Mrs. Christopher Davis was
the guest of relatives at Hume
well, the latter part of Che week.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

Henry w, Woods. shipped a
fine Hereford bull calf 10 NJ. j..
Delaney, of Canton, Mo. Mir
Woods believes in thorough,
bred stock and raises that kind.
Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1899-02-23

DR.. II. Asbary has remove
from Maysville, Mo, back to
this city and will practice hIs
chosen profession. He resides
in the cottage just north of the
laundry. His many old friends
will be glad to welcome him.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17
nations

They can not be capturedi" shouted
twenty men in chorus.
'But say it must be done, For you
call yourselves detectives and yet cry
out that you cannot detect? / have
given sou nine years on this case, AMI
yet l knew a boy thirteen years old
who would have had the gang in limbo
inside of three days"
who is he?" was chorused.
Martin Fairfax, the son of the
widow who does up lace curtains at
40 cents per pair
But how can boy succeed where
we have failed?" asked theydetectives.
81 will show you" replied the detec-
tive, as he waved them out of his room
and walked to the telephone and called
up our hero Two minutes later Martin
Fairfax appeared with a smile on his
face and asked what was wanted.
Il want you to show my detective
force how to detect" replied the chief.
You know where No. / Queer street is,
of course?''
Certainly. An old woman sells cider
and pop in the front room. but that
is only blind. Thirty-eisht counter
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17
THE BOY DETECTIVE.

For number of years the police had
been satisfied that No. II Queer street,
was the headquarters of a gang of
counterfeiters, put all their efforts to
secure proofs were unavailing. Detec-
tive after detective had watched the
house by daylight and by night, but all
had to make the same report sooner or
later. At length so much bogus coin
was put in circulation that the mer-
chants demanded heroic measures. 1t
had got tC such a pass that even the
police found false coins in their envel-
opes when paid off One morning the
chief assembled his fifty detectives in
his Office and said:
eve must either capture this gang
of counterfeiters or send in our resig
nations"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17

"Our cellar was whitewashed for san
itary reasons. The idea was to kill
germs and microbes. After six months
whitewash loses it's strength and germs
and microbes will frisk over it and
actually feed upon it. For six months,
then we have had no protection from
the shafts of the fell destroyer. The
malignant germs and microbes"
'1'll get colored man tomorrow"
she interrupted, though | don't think
there is any danger. There are thou
sands of cellars which are never white
washed"
There will be no need of the SER
vices of a colored man, Mrs. Bowser.
| don't propose to pay man $40 to
come here and skim over the walls in
an hour"
but you-you don't mean that you
will do it YOURSELF"
That's exactly what l mean. l have
a pail of whitewash and brush at the
back door. 1t will not only be health
full exercise, but inhaling the smell
will do me good. l don't propose to
leave a thousand microbes behind in
some corner"
'Mr Bowser please leave this job
to some one else,' she pleaded in her
tender tones. IF you go to daubing
around with whitewash you'll get IN
trouble and lay it all on me- I'll hire a
man tomorrow and see that it is well
done"
How'll | lay it to your" sharply de-
manded Mr.. Bowser.
IL don't know, but you will
That's all bosh. 1 never lay any
thing to you. l shall get into a suit of
old clothes and proceed TO whitewash.
Nothing will happen, except that our
lives will be rendered more safe for
the next six months"
Mrs. Bowser groaned and turned
away. Mr.. Bowser would have begun
that job, even with both legs broken,
and she knew that argument would be
thrown away. In quarter of an hour
he was at work, and she got down the
camphor bottle, box of ointment and
a strip of adhesive plaster and made
ready for what might happen. Mr.
Bowser felt elated as he shifted at the
whitewash. He thought he detected
traces of a herd of microbes on the
walls, and there was a grim saticfac-
ton in his soul at the thought of swip-
fnT them out of existence His heart
being in the work, he put on the dope
with vigorous hand, and was just APP
plying his third brushful when there
was sputter and spatter and he
dropped his brush with whoop. He
had got a.dose of the mixture in his
right eye.f With that optic squinted up
until it raised the end Of his nose, and
the other blinking like blind horse,
he CROPPED his way into the laundry and
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17

dacks had he not made a long reach
with his brush to overtake a bug which
was headed for safety. The rickety
chair on which he was standing made
that an excuse for webbing about and
breaking down, and when Mr.. Bowser
fell it was of course eminently proper
was more than a whoop this time. 1t
was yell which lifted Mrs. Bowser out
of her chair and made the cook knock
the nose off pitcher, and the crash
which followed made the sashes rattle.
When Mrs. Bowser got down celler she
found a pail of whitewash, two broken
chairs and a whitewash brush and
Mr.. Bowser all mixed up on the cement
floor, but Mr. Bowser was not dead
The contents of the pail had soaked
him from head to foot, and having
struck the back of his head on the hard
floor he was dazed and Eighty With
the assistance of the cook he was pulled
to the wall and propped up, and few
shifts of the camphor brought him out
of the fog. Then Mrs. Bowser tender
ly inquired:
How did it happen, dear? Did the
microbes suddenly attack your"
A long minute went by before Mr.
Bowser could get out word. Then
he slowly replied:
Woman, understand! You sneak
ed down here and kicked the chair
from under me, but am still alive!"
Don't talk nonsense! Are you
hurt?"
You may go, woman! Go and plot
and plan another attempt at murder."
But let me-"
and tomorrow we will end this.
Fifteen attempts to murder me in one
year and now the end has comet"
Mr.. Bowser, T.
But he gestured with his right hand
and with his left, and kicked out with
his legs, and Mrs Bowser and the cook
withdrew and left him alone with the
frisky germs and microbes and fell dis
cases.
Copyright, 1899, by C. B. Lewis.)
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17

dis time. but be awful careful. Why
you make sooch riot on der street.
eh?'
1T vhas music says.
How music?'
81 plays dot accordion und sings.
For vhy?'
"To make customers come to my
shoe shop.
Good hafens, man, says der
judge, but you vhas all mistookl II
you play und sing like dot eaferbody
goes ten miles to another cobbler!'
81 don't know who she vhas," said
the cobbler. as he began preparing an
other patch, "und so / speak to dot
little tailor. He takes my accordion
und goes by der back yard und plays
und sings. In two minutes he vhas hit
by seffen clubs und brick bats. und
more ash twenty families call for der
bolice Den dot tailor looks at me a
long While und says:
'Vhell. now | see hoy she vhas.
Der pooblic taste in America vhas
changed. 1t vhas no more music, but
all base ball und horse racel'"
Copyright, 1890. by c. y. Lewis)
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17

feiters are always at work up stairs
and down cellar. Do you want them
arrested?"
II should say did! I've been want
ing them for the last nine years."
81 could have gathered them in any
Jay for you if you had spoken about
ii. I'll run now and garher in the
whole gang, old woman and ALL
But don't expose your life"
"Oh, that's all right" laughed the
daring aRd determined lad as he dis
appeared.
half an hour later seven hacks AMI
a moving van drew up at police head
quarters, and two minutes later it was
known that Martin Fairfax had cap
tured the entire gang and all their
outfit. Seventeen of the rascals had
drawn pistols when he entered the
house, but look from him had been
sufficient. Not man had escaped and
there was proof to send every one to
prison for long term OF years.
Great heavens, but how did you do
it," gasped the chief as he turned to-
the heroic boy
lot, just went in and told them woh
was and what I wanted modestly
replied Martin. 'It was as easy as
slipping down, and I want no credit
for it,
But I insist that you take at least
$4,000"
Not cent. I'm always glad to
oblige, you know. If your wife has any
lace curtains to do up she might give
mother call, but don't ask me to take
any reward. I'll bid you good day now
and go home and help mother Any
time you want my services as detec-
tive Just ring me up and I'll be
ground"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17
THE GERMAN CoBBLER.
He Gets Another Pointer From the
Little Tailor.

He Gets Another Pointer From the
Little Tailor.
81 don't make out how der peoples
yhas in dis country said the German
cobbler as he waitel for cement patch
on a shoe to set Some hand organ
mans come along and eaferybody vhas
glad to see him. Some German bands
stop und play, under eaferybody gifts a
fiddle und squeaks und squeaks, but
nobody vhas mad. a Teller comes NIT
a harp und makes awful music, but
people clap DER hands und children
dance. When l open my shop goes by
dot little tailor und says maybe l shall
advertise in der newspapers, Ell, so dot
DER public shall know | vhas on hand
to make new shoes und repair old ones.
Hans, let me give you some point
err he says. You bring an accordion
NIT you from der old country. When you
don't half some peesness to do you
shall play und sing as nard as you can.
Dot Will be some advertisement. EAT
erybody Will stop and look, und pretty
soon you vhas called dot musical Ger
man cobbler. 1t vhas better as ten
pieces in der papers.
dot little tailor vhas in America
long dime before l come" continued
the cobbler, 'und belief he know all
about it. In two days when peesness
vhas slack, l sit down in my shop door
und play und sing. 1t vhas some love
songs In three minutes dot drug store
man comes out und says:
For heafens sake, Why you make
all dis row.
''It vhas music" l says.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17
- - - - --------
Just Their Way.

This is the way the affair began: A
small beetle browed man was coming
down the street with two guns buckled
around him and necklace made of
the teeth of grizzly bears around his
neck. A rather overgrown man with
blood in both eyes, same number of
guns and bowie knife in his boot leg,
was going up the street. They met in
front of the War Whoop saloon.
'Humph," growled the little man af-
ter looking the big man over.
'Humph!" echoed the big man as he
spat over his shoulder.
Don't rub agin me-"
And don't touch me-"
Il know fighter when see onel"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17

OUT Wild DAT CHANGE. NO TRAGEDY.
"Hu. III owes you 70 dollars 1 kin
pay it.
"When?"
Right of now. sab. Jist git out de
change fur fifty dollar bill Can't no
man say / owes MIN TO dollars longer
dan kin git into my pocket. Out Wild
dat change. sab"
Has you really got a fifty dollar
bill?"
"Out wild dat change. say!"
"show me dat bill"
SHOW me dat change"
"Hu. Coon, don't you fool wild eogg-
wheels.
"Hu! Niger. don't you trihe Wild
buzz saws"
HUI"
"Hui"
And then they breathed hard and
blared at each other and began backing
of, and sixty seconds later the dark
ness hid them and the angel OF peace
smiled as before.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17

applied cold water. He hoped to get
through with it without a call from
Mrs. Bowser, but the smart was still
lifting his heels off the floor when she
came down and observed:
did you call me, Mr.. Bowser?"
mo. didn't call you, and you know
/ didn't" he shouted in reply. Its
mighty funny that you have to poke
your nose everywhere! When / want
you I'll let you know
But didn't you whoop?"
eff l did that was my own business.
/ think ! can whoop in my own cellar
if | take a notion to. A mlcrobe fieW
into my eye, and I'm getting it out.
She left him, and after long ten
minutes he got enough of the lime out
of his eye to enable him to open 1t
again. His bald. crown and face had
been thickly spattered, but he was not
discouraged. He thought it would be a
better plan to begin overhead and work
gently until he had gotten the hang of
the thing. He carried two old chairs
out of the laundry and placed them in
position, and standing on one and plac-
ing the pail on the other he went to
work again. Confidence came to his
heart as five minutes slipped away and
no tragedy occurred. He had smooth
brick wall to work at, and as he saw
it began to whiten under his brush he
felt something of the pride of born
artist. In five minutes more he might
have made himself believe that he was
touching up landscape in the Adiron-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17
MR.. BoWsER's TRIBULATIoNs.
He Whitewashes the Cellar and the
Usual Calamity Happens.


Usual Calamity Happens.
There was nothing IN Mr.. Bowser's
demeanor during dinner to lead Mrs.
Bowser to suspect that he had any par
ticular scheme on hand for the even
ing, but scarcely had they got seated in
the family room when he cleared his
throat and gravely observed:
Mrs. Bowser, how many times do
you suppose we have faced death with
in the last six months?"
why, what do you meant" she ex-
claimed in alarm.
Il mean that we have been preserved
about forty times over, and that mir
acles have been wrought in our favor.
We are alive when we ought to have
been dead. Every day and hour for
the last half year we nave stood face
to face with the grim monster"
Ell can't believe it," she gasped.
perhaps not-net even when your
husband says it, but it is the truth
nevertheless. We have been in danger
of typhoid fever, spinal meningitis,
consumption, paralysis, and dozen
other fatal diseases, and all through
our own carelessness. | can hardly
conceive@how we have escaped"
but what is it-why don't you tell
me?"
When was our cellar whitewashed
last?" he asked in voice hardly
above whisper.
"Why, about a year ago, / guess.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17
NO TRAGEDY.

They bumped into each other as they
turned the corner in the dusk OF even
ing, and number one jumped back and
hoarsely exclaimed.
"Hu! OATS you, am III lie bin
wantin' to see you fer a good while.
What bout dat TO dollars yu' owes
me?"
"Fo' dollars?" queried the other.
eyes, sab. TO dollars. Am you gwine
to pay or git licked?"
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17

Music be hanged 1t vhas a riot
dot scare all my customers AWAY. und
if you don't dry oop | shall call der
police! If you vhant to make some
music go und pound on some sheet iron
NIT hammer
dat vhas tough on me, eh?" smiled
the cobbler 81 don't like to hat dot
drug store man mad at me, und so
goes in my shop und reads der paper.
BY und by belief / play some more,
If | don't sing, too, may be she vhas all
right. | plays soft und low und sweet,
und more ash ten peoples stop to lis
ten. Den dot plumber comes rushing
out mitout his hat or coat und yells
at me:
"'Who vhas dot filing saws by my
door, und driving me crazy!'
''She vhas music" | says.
"'You call dot music! Vhell, let me
tell you l hat ten policement here in
two minutes if you don't shop! Nit
sooch a noise like dot nobody shall
come within two miles of my shop to
get some plumbing.
we'll l don't like to get into some
troubles NIT dot plumber und so shut
oop. Dot little tailor comes down in
der eafnings und | ask him how she
vhas about music, und he says:
Hans, dis vhas great country for
bluffing. Dot drug store man und dot
plumber vhas afraid you take peesness
AWAY NIT your music, und so dey bluff
you off. Nobody tries sooch tricks on
me any more. 1t vhas my advice dot
you keep on playing
dot makes me feel better" said the
cobbler, "und next morning, while |
waits for some shops to come in, / Sit
in my door und begin playing und sing
ing. Poorly queek dot bucher comes
oafer nit his face ash red as fire und
shouts at me:
Hey, cobbler, vhas you trying to
ring oop dot ambulance or call out der
fire engines
1T vhas music" l says. 1T vhas
music und no bluffs"
Music; Bluff, Say now, but you
make my wife faint AWAY und lose
me four customers! II you don't stop
it vhas some station house for you.
But don't stop II somebody bluffs
at me | shall bluff him back. keep
right on singing und playing, und dot
bucher gets SO mand he can't speak
any more und den goes home. In
leetle While dot grocer comes out. Golly,
but he yhas madl He says sooch a
noise Will break oop his pcesness und
send him by der poor house in two
days. but he Cint bluff me down. 1t
vhas a big crowd comes around to hear
me, und eaferybody calls out dot vhas
der German cobbler und mend shoes
While you wait. If dot bucher don't 90
home he Will get der bounce, but so
soon as he vhas gone a policemans
comes along und says:
who makes all dis big crowd here
like some Fourth of July. Show me
dot man who threw brick through a
window"
1T vhaE no bricks" say.
But who makes all dis groaning
und screaming? Where ish dot man
who vhas run over by some street
carp
1T vhas only music"
Music, Why it was six months IN
jail for some noise like dot Cobbler,
you get by your shop in two seconds
or we shall be row.
Nobody in America can bluff me" |
says, but dot policemans shumps on
me und / vhas in dot lookup in ten
minutes. In der mornings he tells der
Judge / vhas disturbance OF der peace
und bad man, under der judge looks
me offer und says:
Prisoner, you look little out You
vhas Eresn horns, und let yoa 80
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17
INExPI1cABLE

In tfis article" said Mrs Biiiua. "ths
writer says more colds are caused by cold
feet than any other one thing"
.That has been my experience for near
~ tweuv gears remarked Mr.. BiIlua
with a wztsze.
And thea~ 10 the surprise Of al present.
AIRS Bzzns bscazns fuxsousiy angry Chi.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-12-17

'HUMPHr' GRowLED THE LITTLE
MAN.
"Humph yourself"
"All wind!"
"All blow!"
what ar ye WARM them rabbits
teeth fur?'
What ar we dom with that bread
knife in yer bute-leg?"
Don't We git me mad Css1'H bury
ye."
and look out fur me about a mint
before!"
"Shoo."
'Shoo!"
whats the riot yere!" demanded
the city marshal as he came out of the
saloon wiping his mouth on the back
of his hand
I'm goin' to chaw him up!" shouted
Tie big man.
He can't even chaw my earl" howl
ed the little man.
3 Say, you!" continued the marshal,
as he pointed one hand up the street
and the other down, "be a-gittin' 10
git!"
And they "humphed" at each other
and got
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-12-09
STRAF FORD.

S. 3. Buell. has gone to Boston for a
few days.
Miss Faye Warden of Randolph,
who has been visitor at l.. Cdall's
returned to Randolph yesterday.
The TELEGRAM and Chelsea or a
White River Herald both one year for
81.
George Hyde of the U. S. Geodetic
survey, who has been on the Paclllc
coast, in Washington, several MONTHS
is at d. c. Hyde's for month.
Some remarkably rich copper ore is
being mined from the Reynolds mines
on Cove hill. If the ore body proves
to be as large as experts say it WILL
the Reynolds Mining and Chemical
company have veritable bonanza
here.
The Elizabeth Mining company are
now smelling $50 tons of copper orc
daily at their new smclter. The com
pany have engaged William G. Hazel
ton of Tufts, who was so badly hur'
at Fabyans while playing ball last
summer, as assayer, and he goes t(
Baltimore, Md, today to procure
chemicals and to confer with olhcer'
of the company.