davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26
WHAT WOULD YOU THINK

If the trusts would reduce prices?
If the Committee of 200 would go out
of business?
If the little knOtty strawberries should
be found on top?
If the jointist would close his place
of his own accord?
If the water company and the city
would quit fighting?
If Topeka restaurants would refuse to
serve OleOmargarine?
If women would learn to drive on the
right side of the street?
If the Topeka police department would
be taken out of politics?
If some shrubbery should be set out
on the state house grounds?
If the people would refuse to accept
the dictation of party bosses?
If the man of the house would not
leave house cleaning to his wife?
If Kansas City, Missouri, would be
less bold about attempting to rob Kan
sas?
If the officers of the gas company
would redeem their promises to the citi-
zens?
If women would quit making them
selves uncomfortable because it is the
fashion?
If the actual work on the proposed
city hall-auditorium would be COM
menced?
If the public servants would think
more of the public and less Of their own
private interests?
If the street car company would run
"extras" at six o'clock to prevent
crowding of cars?
If the government would allow Kan
sas to have its way about receiving the
Twentieth Kansas?
If Topeka streets were kept clean?
If women would quit wearing dead
birds on their hats?
If Topeka people who keep chickens
would think about what their neighbors
say under their breath?
If few people in Topeka would for
get to croak when public improvements
are about to be made2
If the people who live in 1.-THE Strip
would be willing to accept their share
of the burden by coming into the city =?
If Topeka policemen would attend to
business instead of sitting on store
boxes and smoking cigars while on
duty?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

has one of her economic spells and her
husband has been informed that she
would get a woman to help her clean
house on Saturdays and would do the
rest of the work unassisted. Her girl
had just left because she was required
to spend a night in charge of the chill
dren.
The first Saturdays experience was
with a young negro woman who was
employed for the day.
Things went well until the rooms had
been swept. Then the lady of the
house said to the young woman:
Now you may blacken the stove.''
The ebony face of the woman was
turned up in Mortified surprise. What
is that you say? Me black the stove.
Why law no lady, I never did black a
stove in my life. 1 can't black the
stove for it would make my hands
rough
The lady of the house was stupefied
but not surprised for this was not her
first experience with the perversity of
servants. After moments hesitation
Very well, but that stove has to be
blackened and If you won't do it l will
have to-"
"Oh. all right" replied the colored
woman, nonchalantly. "I will just dust
the things on the sideboard while you
do that"
The lady choked down a lump that
was rising in her throat and set to
work at the stove. While she applied the
backing the colored woman hummed.
4 want to be somebody's darling"
as she took the dishes from the side
board one by one and carefully wiped
them. She finished the busting process
before the stove had been thoroughly
blackened and then walked into the
parlor and sat down at the piano and
played "Schubert's Serenade."
The crowd had left Garfield park af-
ter the last number on the programme
and all the special cars had been filled
and started for town. Enough stray
glers were left to fill two open cars that
arrived but waited 20 minutes for the
time to leave.
The crowd boarded the cars and the
trailer was occupied by young men who
We're smoking. The front car was filed
with couples in a hurry to get home
for supper. The cars waited. The
crowd became nervous. The young men
in the smoking car jollied the conductor.
then they jollied the people. they jollied
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

When the Twentieth Kansas was re-
cruited he enlisted in the Lawrence
company, and when the regiment went
into camp at San Francisco he secured
a string of big papers, and all the spe-
cial stories of the work of the reg ment,
and especially of it's colonel, have been
written by him. How close to the fir
ing line Steele reached he has not
vouchsafed, but he has overlooked moth
ing that could keep Kansas before the
world, and if he has reported the dar-
ing and bravery of Colonel Funston and
Major Metcalf faithfully, theye are the
two foremost heroes of the war in the
islands. There have been other heroes,
no doubt, but only two in the front
rank: Funston and Metcalf. To Steele
they owe their promotions, and to
Steele Lieutenant Colonel Little owes
his humiliation, for there is no doubt
that if Little had stood in with Steele,
he would have been one of the heroes
of the Philippines war, and might have
been colonel instead of subordinate to a
young man who started one grade be-
low him.
Ed Litt1e's misfortune lies not in his
lack of ability or lack of courage. He
is neither a coward nor a chump. He
has a big head: that's all; has it to an
insufferable degree He really is a
man of native ability, but his unfor-
tunate Self-cOnSciOuSneSS made him I'M
popular with the regiment at the out
set, and instead of trying to win the
men he Sulked. Thus he offended the
press agent OF the regiment vi COURSE,
he was not on Steeles list, for he is a
Populist, and it was never any part of
the game in this war to give a despised
Pop any credit Still the newspapers
might have left Little alone if he had
been less bumptious at San Francisco,
and if all reports be true he got over
that soon after the fighting began, and
has rendered no less service than Fun
ston-mOre than Metcalf, the records of
the two men will ultimately prove.
Compared with Little, Funston is a
mediocre in ability. His main hold is
his bulldog pluck. He hangs on, and
does the best he can, and is quick tic
seize an opportunity. He has performed
some remarka BILE deeds of adventure
| but never until this war has he had q
| press agent. His success, too, has beer
| magnified by Little's bad luck. Again
| the press agent
The merits of the two men are sum-
| med up by Kansas man of keen OBJ
| servation who is friendly to neither
| Writing to a Topeka friend, he says:
| Some people seem to think that the
| state should be torn into factions re-
1 garding the relative merits of Funston
| and Little: it is a foolish dispute, they
| are very much the same
Little and Funston and K. L. mer
| and attended that school at the same
! time.
| while one was bushwhacking II
| Cuba, the other was engaged in the
| same business in Kansas.
War was declared. in the name OF
| civilization and humanity and Little
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26
"BEFORE BABY IS BORN"
A Valuable Little Book of Interest
to All Women Sent Free.

Every woman looks forward with feel
ings of Joy indescribable to the
one great event in her life, COM
pared with which all others pale into in
significance. How proud she will feel
when her babe nestles on her breast
how sweet the name of ''Motherl" And
yet, her anticipation of this event is
clouded with dread of the pain and dam
ger of the ordeal, SO that it is impossi-
Bile to avoid the feeling of foreboding
and suffering attendant upon being a
mother can be entirely prevented, SO
that the coming of the little stranger
need not be looked forward to with fear.
Every woman who reads this, can obtain
free valuable little book entitled 'Be-
dress to the Bradfeld Regulator Co.
Atlanta, Ga. This book contains price.
less information for all women, and no
one should fail to send for it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26
FUNsTON's PRESS AGENT.
rFrom the Atchison Glohel

the Philippines, claims that the South
Dakotans, not Colonel Funston and the
Kansans, first entered Malolos. He
compliments Colonel Funston y on the
fine work of his press agent, and says
history will record the incident right.
1t is a fact that Funston has a press
agent, and since it turns out that the
colonel did not swim the river, but
crossed on a raft pulled over by COM
rades who did swim it, nobody will be
surprised if it turns out that the South
Dakota calanel got into Malolos ahead of
the Kansas colonel
Colonel Funston'S press agent is
John NJ Steele of Lawrence. Steele is
a trained newspaper man, and has
worked on many of the big papers OF
the Missouri valley. His last job was
city editor of the Leayenworth Times
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

asked Leedy to appoint him colonel of
the First Kansas regiment and Funston
lieutenant colonel. This Leedy refused
to do, stating to Little that he wanted
a man at the head of the regiment who
had had some military experience. Then
Little changed his plan and asked that
Funston be placed at the head of the
regiment and that he be given second
place. He had his friends urge this up
on the governor and it was finally done,
Little expecting that he and Funston
would he able to secure the latter's
transfer from the regiment on detailed
service and that Little would soon COM
mand the regiment. The plan worked
for awhile, but eventually Funston was
returned to his regiment. Then Little
continued to try to play first fiddle, in
second place, but Funston insisted that
that was not in the agreement. Result:
quarrel.
Funston refused to recognize any
officer for promotion that was friendly
with Little, and Little insisted in rec
ommending his partisans who were in
line of promotion whenever any vacan-
cy occurred
''Leedy declined to be made a party
to the feud and promoted only men
who were in line of promotion regard
less of the recommendations of either
and recognized the friends of both.
Then it was that Funston became
forgetful and wrote letters expressing
the wish that the bHghting curse of
Populism might be removed from the
state at the coming election
He had been appointed as Re
publican by a man who refused to be
partisan in making appointments in
the volunteer service of the state
Funston was not expected to become a
Populist, neither was he expected to
wound and insult the head of the state
that was the means of making a bush
Whacker a colonel. He did. however
and by his letters and acts demonstrated
himself to be very much like Ed Little,
who shortly after his appointment as
private secretary willed to advertise
himself at the expense of Leedy in ev-
cry act he did, commencing with his
Dogs of Egypt message
In many respects Funston and Lit
| tie are alike and I have little doubt
| that Metcalf is a better man than
| either.
Both are ungrateful and selfish and
| either would betray a friend, in my
| opinion, for personal gain or notoriety.
Il have TO doubt of the personal
| bravery of each but their conduct is
| not so inspiring as to warrant the state
| in making a fool of itself. I want to
| see the regiE9nt honored when it re-
| turns. but 1 want it to be bestowed up
| on the rank and file as much as posi-
ble.''
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

mouth and I gasped for breath. The
woods seemed to go round, my sight
began to fail and the voices of the mob
sounded like the murmur of the wind in
the leaves. When they let me down
the second time I did not care. 1t
would have been all the same to me if
they had left me hanging and L would
not have suffered with a sore neck.
When I was revived the negro who
had been g, witness to the proceeding
| told the whole story and 1 was releas-
ed.
Even a tramp wants to be careful of
| the company he keeps"
81 always was a bashful sort of fel-
low when I was young" said Ananias
Fisher as he passed his plate for the
third piece of pie. He was dining out
with friends and wished them to I'M
derstand his temperament.
But I was broken of that habit be-
fore 1 was %. 1t was either a case of
get over it or stay all night, and I got
over it," he said, as his plate was re-
turned with a good sized piece of pie
such as Topeka housekeepers make. IT
was calling, out on Fillmore street, and
when I went in 1 forgot all about put
ting my hat on the rack in the hall and
carried it into the parlor with me. L
put it on sofa and when the lady of
the house came in she said 'how-dye-do'
and sat her 28O pounds right down on
that hat.
% beg your pardon I said.
"'Why, what's the matter?' she ask
ed, for 1 guess 1 looked kind of bewil-
dered.
"'Oh, nothing, I answered, 7 just
got a stitch in my heart
I'VE went on talking, and I thought
that when she got up 1 would sneak
that hat but she talked and talked
''It got along to 9 o'clock, and I
knew 1 ought ito go, but 1 was too
bashful to say anything, I just wait
ed. Then the clock struck 10 and 1
knew 1 was staying too long, but
could not get that hat.
8" Is it moonlight asked the 2S0
| pound lady.
| Il said it was, and knew she wanted
me to go, but 1 did not have the nerve
j to ask for that hat. lust as the clock
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

Among the laws affecting prison labor
lately adopted are two Massachusetts
statutes which are of interest. One act
provides for the employment of prison
ers, as far as may be possible, upon
articles and materials to be used in
public institutions of the common
wealth, and also permits the superin-
tendent of prisons to employ prisoners
In preparing road material by hand Ia
Dor The other act provides that prison
labor may be used in retaining and
Improving waste and unused lands, not
exceeding 1000 acres in area, which
may be taken in fee for that purpose
as the property of the state. On such
lands the government may establish in
dustrial camps for prisoners employed
9hereupon
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

of my acquaintance he might help me
to get back to Topeka.
L started to tramp for the first time
In my life and a negro did not know
volunteered to accompany me. He was
evidently up in the business of tramp
ing, for along about noon, when we be-
we were going to do for something to
eat He said he would attend to that
and we went toward a nice, large house.
1t was summer and the windows of the
house were open. The negro knocked
on the front door and the woman of the
house came out. He begged for some
thing to eat and she said she would go
in and get some food. While she was
gone the negro said. Watch me frisk
this house. and he jumped into a win
dow and began gathering up jewelry
| and everything valuable he could carry
He got out in time to meet the woman
as she came to the door with her hands
full of sandwiches and all sorts of good
things.
LAS we started away I told the fell
| low that 1 would have nothing to do
with that kind of business and he
laughed at me- We went into strip of
timber not a great way distant and
built a fire. The negro buried the jew
| elry. L kept urging him to take the
stuff back, but he jokingly called me
! a good thing
1--WE had not been there long when a
| gang of people came out hunting for us.
| The lady had missed her Jewelry and
| had started a crowd on our track. The
men seemed satisfied that we had rob-
| bed the house and they got hold of me
| and tried to get me to confess. I told
| them 1 had not taken anything, but
| they did not believe me. They asked
me where was going, and said that
| was headed for Joliet.
| You've got a mighty good start,
| said the leader, who was thinking of
| the penitentiary. 1 did not appreciate
| his joke.
1.-The men had rope with them and
| they tied it around my neck. They
| pulled me up to a tree and let me down
and asked me if 1 would comics. 1
| told them never
| Then they started to pull me up
| again. I will never forget how helpless
I felt I was being lifted off my feet
while my tongue was forced out of my
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26
STORIES OF THE TOWN.

"a great deal is said about the poor
overworked servant girls but more than
one Topeka housewife could relate ex-
periences which would indicate that the
shoe is on the other foot.
There is a lady on the West side, the
wife of a prominent local politician, who
shudders every time the servant girl
problem is discussed in her presence for
she has had more than one experience,
the remembrance of which reviveS I'M
pleasant memories.
This lady is one of the most agree
able women in Topeka. She has a
temper which it is difficult to ruff1e and
she will smile while her neighbor' s
chickens are playing hob with her
flower beds. She is a business woman
and every once in a while conceives a
notion that she will economize. This
is always just after she has failed to
agree with her servant. Just now she
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26
Slowly and surely American trade is

Slowly and surely American trade is
widening. Minister Smith, Of Monro-
VIA, under date of March "a, 1899, gives
khe value Of imports into the Gold
Coast Colony from the United States,
from June 80, 1897, to February, 1899, as
ie6s. 172 ($3S6, $3.50. During the same pc
riod the exports declared for the United
States were valued at 927,4O5 ($133, 1850.
The exports consisted of palm oil, ma
hogany. monkeys. parrots and leopards.
Twelve American vessels, with a total
tonnage Of 5,433 tons, arrived and clear
ed during the seven months under con-
Eideration.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26
themselves and in fact everybody came

d
A we'll known society young man
sauntered out of the park. The cars
were full so he wandered over to the
stone wall in front of a house on the
west side of the street. The stone wall
five feet high, runs along the front of
the yard. He very nimbly jumped up
on the wall and sat there waiting for
the next car. He was directly opposite
the two open cars. His trousers were
rather tight fitting and, as many young
men do who wear up-to-date- wfthout-a-
wrinkle-or-b ag-at-the-knee kind, he
gave each trouser leg a little pull
The pull was just enough to expose
about five inches of a pair of very
loud colored' stockings. More colors
in those stockings, some said, than in
JoSeDh'S coat. In a moment all the
young men in the rear car were saying
things about those stockings. The peo-
pie in the front car laughed and for Is
minutes the young man was forced to
sit there and furnish amusement for the
two car loads of people. But he did. He
even exposed another inch of those
rather boiSterous stockings and the
crowd could not even make him blush.
Must be made from the same piece
of cloth as the neclxtie," said one.
Looks like a couple of Filipino flags
said another.
material" and half a hundred such re-
marks were passed.
But the young man coolly lighted a
cigar and waited for the next car. He
still wears those same stockings.
There is a business man in topeka
now comfortably well off who knows
how man feels with a rope round his
neck and two or three determined and
strong men at the other end. His ex-
perience goes even farther than that
and he can describe the sensation OF
having the knot tighten and finding
himself being slowly lifted from the
ground. But the man as alive SO let him
tell his own story:
1T was several years ago that I got
a job travelling with Sells circus.
did hard work, such as helping to un-
load the wagons and similar things
Sells show was then having a rather
| hard time of it, and left them at Chi
cago when L had not a cent of money
| to my name. had a friend in Joliet
| which is about so miles from Chicago
| and which happens to be where the
| state penitentiary is located and
1 thought that if 1 could reach the home
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

struck II she blurted out, why don't
you go?'
I said
"'What hat?'
My hat
sc Where is it
" You are sitting on it,
"'Me?' and she jumped up.
There was my hat, and it looked
very much sat upon, but no more than
that woman. 1 have never been BASH
full since then"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

St Paul Dispatch: "A secretary of
medicine is the latest proposed addi
tion to the cabinet. While we are at it.
we might as well have secretaries of
horseshoeing, job printing, cigarmak-
eng, hackdriving, roadracing and auc-
kioneering The more the merrier.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

Strawberries are said to be an anti
dote for malaria. If it is true there
ought to be none Of those aggravating
germs left in Kansas. The strawberry
crop will be enormous.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

The fact that a Frenchman is making
80 miles an hour on a dirt road for a
period Of ten hours should cause Ameri-
can manufacturers to squirt up unless
they are willing to be left in the race.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

Washington Post: Those persons who
have been predicting unpleasant hap
penings to the Republican party prob
ably had some limitations of Mr.. PEI
fer's intentions.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

The frequency with which Mr.. Fer
dinand w. Peck, American commits
sioner to the Paris exposition, crosses
the ocean is likely to create a suspicion
that he is travelling on pass.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

When farmers will have mail left at
their doors every day, there will no
longer be any ground for the state
ment often heard in the city that the
farmer is not up to date.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

Some Kansas papers are now printing
a great deal about Topeka licensing sa-
looms. There is nothing that Wichita
and Leavenworth papers pat and
fondle like the idea that the capital city
has open rum shops.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

The Baltimore News gives away a
state secret in the following: 1.-The
Maryland crab crop is reported to be a
failure, but the deviled-crab industry
will continue to get 7along with white
fish,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

If it doesn't hurt a working young
man to stay up until or O'Clock in
the morning, it is a very good sign
that he doesn't amount to anything
when he retires early.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

When Ben Tillnan's term as senator
ends. he will probably start a paper &c
be called The Pitchfork-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

An article on Melan bridges in the
Indianapolis News shows that Topeka
still holds the distinction of having the
longest structure of that character in
fhe world
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

There is one good feature to an early
primary. 1t relieves the candidates
from a long period of suspense.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

1t is feared that the peace congress:
sitting at The Hague will not reach any
conclusion in time for the Ohio cam
pafgn
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

What the people demand in public Of
dcers is efficiency. They do not care
much about the politics Of the individ-
Ill
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

Topeka's paving boom is by no mean
dead. The people are thorough!
awake on that question.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

The man who has just started his
new vegetable garden in the country is
the only living thing that is a worse
bore than the father Of his first baby.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26
SPANKED HER MAID.

(F'rom the New York Worldly
It should be said in the beginning that
Aileen Russell is as pretty as her name.
She is small and blond and 10 years old.
! Mrs. Rose KnmieB who employed AIleen
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-05-26

Topeka has not heard from the new
mark commissioners. The city needs
a. park and the members of the new
board will not be of much use unless
there is one.