The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-01-12

cion that he had purposely driven the
COW on the track.
"Did you not drive the animal in
| front of the engine?" asked the lawyer
for the road.
"No, sub, didn't"
you'll swear you didn't
eyes, sub, ten times over"
He won the case, but as he pOcketed
the check for his money someone over
heard him say:
'Dat WuZ narrow escape | had, l
tell you, but l tole him de truth. 1t
wuzn't me what driv' de COW in front
er de engine, but my brotherin.law-
he de one done it. | mighty glad dat
lawyer stop when he did, 'kase he wuz
right in de tambly.''
Women are not apt to be thorough
in the pursuit of knowledge. But the
ready wit of the sex enables them to
come out of trying situation in which
the first fact has placed them, with
flying cOlors, where mans hebetude
would leave him to chew the bitter cud
OF ignominy.
A certain physician had large
Toepler- HoltZ electrical machine,
which gave spark like young streak
of lightning.
His wife was much interested in it,
and watched the Doctor manipulate
it until she fancied herself master of
the apparatus.
One day party of friends called
when the Doctor was out, and the good
wife seized the opportunity of paralyz-
ing them with her knowledge of sci
ence.
She was very dignfied woman, of
portly presence, and after leading
them into the office, she began her eX
PLANTATION with all the impressiveness
of a lecturer. The day was dry and
cold, and there was strong residual
charge in the Legion jars, waiting for
a chance to do mischief. Of this fact
the lady was in blissful ignorance.
She spoke briefly of the preliminary
manipulation of the machine. "And
them" she said, laying her hand upon
one connection, "the electricity goes
from here to here" whereupon an
angry white spark leaped out from the
brass ball indicated, with report like
a horse pistol, and smote her upon the
extended finger, causing her to sit upon
the floor with a violence that shook the
window-panes.
The guests stood around in expect
ant attitudes, looking at their fallen
hostess in pardonable surprise.
Only for moment did that capable
woman leave them in doubt.
''There," said she, in the most matter
of-fact manner, as though events had
simply followed the usual course, ''you
see how it works. Now, let's 60 into
tho garden and look at the chrysanthe-
NUNS Criterion.
The highest grade of negro is the
private car porter. 1t was such negro,
young and with many fine mannerisms
and some money, who decided to take
a trip to Europe. In London he made
the acquaintance of several English
bred negroes. BY these he was shown
the sights and introduced into society.
One evening he was invited to 'sit i'm
little poker game. He was we'll &C.
quainted with the game as played at
home, and did not hesitate to play.
His limited acquaintance with English
money cost him several good pots. At
last he got four aces and knew exactly
where he was. for four aces have their
value the world over. His oppanent
skinned his hand carefully after
cards had been "doled" and said:
"Ah'll just bet you 81, Mistah John
sing"
"Well," said the American. ''ah don
rightly know how much pound is
but ah'll jest raise you a ton"
OK
The clerk of the court of special ses-
sIonS yesterday called case in which
number of Germans from the avenue
A district were interested. Immediate
ly a man of portly proportions stepped
to the bar.
Guilty or not guilty ?" enquired the
clerk in the stereotyped voice.
Guilty" was the curt response.
The judges put their heads together
to agree upon sentence They con-
tinued the deliberation for some time,
because one Of the trio on the bench
contended that the man was an honest
looking fellow, and should be represen-