The leader. [volume] (Brookhaven, Miss.) 1895-1905, 1899-06-07
No. ITO UNCLE SAN.

No. l-IO UNCLE SAM
DEAR UNCLE SAM--As one of your
numerous ncphcws. | am exceedingly
anxious for your welfare. You have
always been represented to me as very
tall and lean old star-spangled gentle
man, with fur plug hat and chin
whiskers. | very much fear that you
are going too far away from home on
your cunning expeditions. 1t is true
the game you are after is tempting, and
nobody doubts your ability to bag it;
but implore you, old man, to look to
your health and happiness. You are
not as young as You were one hundred
years ago, and you have never left home
for sport before. The meat under Cuba's
wing may be sweet, and no doubt the
drumstck of Porto Rico would be de-
licious; at any rate, you have them in
your grasp and seem to be preparing
for the feast, with the Philippines for
dessert; but do not really believe that
you ought to indulge in Manila ice
cream, and ! am sure that Aguinaldo
All of these foreign dishes will give
you nightmare, as sure as you are born.
Why not be content to sit down to your
own hog and hominy, and turnip greens,
and canvasbacbs, and beef, and vcni-
son, and 'possum, and pumpkin pie, and
political punch?
| am aware that it is always the am
bition of lean man to expand, and |
am persuaded that you are just little
bit envious of John Bulls colonial corp
ulency and British preponderosity. No
doubt you are now dreaming of the day
when your luminous-striped vest will
encircle your rotund stomach like the
belts of Jupiter and the rings of Saturn;
but let me remind you that fat men
snore and have govt and sometimes keel
over with apoplcxy.
Uncle Sam, you are Il daisy Two
years ago you were for contraction by
large majority; now you are tearing
your shirt for expansion. | suppose
that while you are contracting and ex-
panding you will take notion after
y y
length on the western hemisphere, until
the mosquitoes shall roost on your big
tee at Cape Horn, while icebergs form on
your whiSkers in Alaska. 1t may be all
ght, an you have about seventy -tive
millions of nephcws and nieccs who are
for you, right or wrong; but some of us
hope that you won't get too big for
breeches; or, rather, that your brecches
won't get too small for you. We don't
want you to become too gay, and we
are opposed to your attending too many
banquets, such as you have been re-
yelling in ever since last April. We
think the jubilee of peace is far better
for your liver than the banquet of war.
But all these little hints are prompted
by love and veneration and solcitude
for your good name and glory. | would
not wound your feelings for box of
IIavanas or hogshead of Honolulus:
but | confess with bushes that there
are about scventy-four millions, nine
hundred and seventy-five thousand of
your kinsfolk who have good ground
for complaint. We see the stars twink
ling and the eagles tapping their wings
on the shoulders of your heroes; we see
the girls smothcring them with kisses,
and VIC all sigh for a few smothers.
Our complaint is that we cannot all
wear stars and eagles, and therefore
we cannot have equal blessings to all,
with exclusive privileges to none" Not
long ago | saw the city of Nashville
open her arms and press two of your
heroes to her bosom. One was Captain
Maynard, of the United States gunboat
Nashville, who fired the first gun of the
war with Spain; the other was Lieuten-
ant Uobson, who set an example of
daring and courage for the generations
to follow. If you could have seen the
laughing and shouting bouquet OF seven
thousand little school children who
greeted them in our great auditorium
at high noon; if you could have heard
them sing the national airs and keep
time with waving flags, you would
have agreed with Inc that there is moth
ing left of Mason and Dixons line ex-
cept that it is now only the dividing
line between cold bread and hot bis
cuts; if you could have heard the storm
of applause from old and young which
greeted them in the evening, you would
have waved your old bandanna in the
ali and joined in the glorious jubilee; if
you could have heard the explosions of
the rosy bombshells that burst in kisses
on their cheeks, no doubt YOU would
have rushed into the thiclest of the
fight; if You could have heard our
speeches of welcome you would have
tainted as dead as mackerel from ex-
haustion. But the banquet lin the wee
sma' hours" capped the climax We
had greeted our noble guests with COM
pliments and speeches and the clapping
of hands through the day, but at the
banquet we gave them welcome with
smoking quails and pompanoes, and
this, that. and the other; and there was
popping of corks, and effervescing and
sparkling. and good time in the old
town that night. We babe reluctant
farewell to Captain First Shot and
Lieutenant Merrimac, and went to bed
feeling that we were citizens of tho