davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

Writes US, May 81. 1899: II feel it my
duty to write and let you know what
your medicine. s Drops has done for
me. / have had rheumatism about elgh-
teen years, but was able to be up most
Of the time until q year ago last May,
when / was taken down and not able te
move about About six weeks ago | saw
yeur advertisement and wrote fer a sam
pie bottle. After taking q few doses II
did ME so much good that ordered some
more for myself and friends, and IN every
ease it has done wonders, and given per-
feet satisfaction.
DIR. Weodliff, nay family physician,
who has had rheumatism for fifteen
years, is taking the 8 Drops and says
it is the most efficient rheumatic med
icine he has ever used"
IS Drops" is the NEST powerful sTse-
cihc known. Free from epiates and pen
fectly harmless. 1t is perfect cure FOR
Rheuma tism, Seiatiea, Neuralgia. Dys-
pepsia, Backache, Asthma, Cstarrh, La
Grippe, Neuralgia Headache, etc. II yen
or any of your friends are suffering. do
not delay, but send fer a bottle Of "5
Drops" Large-sized bottles 600 doses),
81. For the next thirty days we will
mail a 25-cent sample bottle for 10 cents.
SWANSON RHEUMATIC CURE CO.,
100 to 164 Lake street, Chicago, Ill.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
A Baby Golfer.

The Boston Herald tells of 2-year-
old boy who has issued challenge to
any golfer in the world of equal age.
The prodigy in question is the son of a
greenskeeper, and this is his first year
at the game. His father one day found
him making some excellent drives about
the ninth hole, which is near by his
home. On the promise that he would
leave green apples alone all summer long,
his father agreed to buy him a complete
outfit of sticks, just his size. After some
little coaching, the precocious infant be-
came an interested and enthusiastic play
er, and can be found mornings and after
moons about the course. playing with the
well-known strOkers of the club.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
A High-Grade Top Buggy for $31. 95

For those who are accustomed to send
ing away from home for their goods il
is of the greatest Importance to know the
character and relia bility OF the establish
ment selling goods TO families from cat
alogues. The great emporium OF the
John NJ Smyth Co, located at $50 to 16e
West Madison street, Chicago, has been
esta blished for a third OF century, anG
las furnished over half million homes
in Chicago and vicinity alone. This firm
enjoys the confidence Of the public by its
many years of fair dealing. 1t issues De
immense illustrated catalogue that should
be in every family, as it describes and
gives the price of every article required
for household use. a sample of the ex.
traordinary values offered by this firm is
shown in the illustration of the buggy al
$34 .95 in another column of this paper
These carriages are indeed wonderful!
values, and yet they are but a sample OF
the thousand and one useful articles il
Illustrated and described in the beautiful
catalogue Of the John NJ. Smyth Com
DaQY.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
Badly Mixed.

One day a Lancashire physician, on his
visiting day, called at the house of a
certain patient. and, after seeing the
man, said that he would send him a box
of pills. When the physician returned
to his surgery he called for his assistant
and told him to take the box of pills to
his patient, and a hamper, containing six
young hens. to a friend Of his. Unluck
lily. the messenger bungled over his er-
rand, and took the hamper containing the
hens to the patient, and the pills to the
friend. Imagine the conster-
nation of the patient on receiving along
with the fowls the following instruc-
tons: Take two OF these to be swal-
lowed every half hour. spare Moments.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
The Man that Yields the Blotter.

The most gnoble of all occupations in
Washington is that Of the man who
stands at the side of a chief of bureau
and blots his signature. That is al
he has to do-1ust blot MS signature. Ev
cry bureau chief has a human blotter.
C0rbin sits all day and signs his name
and signs his name, and signs his name
and barks at people who arrest him TEN
porarily in the occupation-and at his
side stands a man who blots his sigma
ture and blots his signature, and blots
his signature. The monotony Of the
thing would drive an ordinary man fran
tic II they would only employ boys &c
do the blotting; it is such a CALLING thing
to see man who could toss barrel OF
flour on his shoulder patiently doing the
MISUNDERSTANDING Plaindealer.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
DEAFNESS Cannot be Cured

by local applications, as they cannot reach
the diseased portion Of the ear. There If
only one way to cure deafness, and that is
by constitutional remedies. Deafness is
caused by an infiamed condition of the mu
couS lining of the Eustachian Tube. When
this tube is inflamed you have a rumbling
sound OR imperfect hearing, and when it is
entirely closed. Deafness Is the result. and
unless the innamma tien be taken out
and this tube restored to It's normal condi-
ton, hearing will be destroyed forever; nine
eases out OF ten are caused by catarrh.
which is nothing but an inhamed condition
Of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any
case of Deafness (caused by catarrh) that
cannot be cured by Halls Catarrh Cure.
Send for circulars: free.
FL. CHENEY 6 CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists 75c
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
Wanted to Ascertain.

Lawyer Chapman of Los Angeles was
once associated with Senator Stephen NJ.
White in certain case. Chapman loves
a good dinner, and one day, just before
the big. case. was to come up III court, ate
more than he ought. The next day he
was sick. and White took doctor around
to see him. Chapman was grooming with
pain. and the doctor was puzzled. At last
the doctor noticed red spot on Chap
mans cheekbone, and came to the con
clusien that Chapman needed a dentist.
and told him so. you have an liberated
tooth. That's what ails YOU" Chapman
quit grooming long enough to turn to his
wife and say: Just hand me my plates
off the bureau, so [ can see which one OF
these On teeth is aching"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
Busy Man.

Jones was just entering a restaurant
when he met his old friend Brown COM
ing out. 1t was the first time they
seen each other for several weeks
Hello, old fellow" exclaimed Jones
'how's business"
Good" replied Brown. ''Never was
better. Keeps me in rush all the time
No time to sleep and am even behind
in my meals. That was the day before
yesterdays lunch l just finished So
long, l must hurry back. Ohio State
Journal
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
1t All DeDen(fs.

A young couple were entertaining their
friends, and among the guests was one
whose continued rudeness made him ex.
tremely Objectionable to the rest of the
company. His conduct was put up with
for some time, until at supper he held
up on his fork piece of meat which had
been served to him, and in vein of in
tended humor. he looked round and re-
marked us this pig?' This Immediate
~ drew forth the remark from quiet
looking individual sitting at the other end
Of the table: Which end of the fork de
YOU refer top
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
Wnat DC the Chiluren I,rin.,y

Don't give them tea or coffee Have
you tried the new food drink called
GRAINO? 1t is delicious and nourish-
ing, and takes the place of coffee The
more GrainO you give the children the
more health yen distribute through their
systems. Grain-O is made Of pure grains
and when properly prepared tastes like
the choice grades OF coffee, but costs
abeat IA as much. All grocers sell it. 15c
and 9Ec
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
An Incident of Maiuba Hill.

Here is story of Free Masonry on
Majuba hill. A slightly-wounded com
missariat officer was being covered by
the former made a Masonic sign. The
Boer lowered his rife and, stepping over
to the other, made him prisoner, but
treated him in a specially hospitable
fashion as a brother member of the craft.
The commissariat man ascertained that
Mr.. Kruger and Gen. Joubert were also
Free MasOnS Chronicle
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

Coughing Leads to Consumpt on.
enaes Balsam will stop the cough at
sRoe. 60 to yeur druggist to-day and get
a sample bottle free. Sold In 70 and SO
cert bottles. &c Mt once: delays are dan
xereHS
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

Attend the Oshkosh business College
and School of Shorthand and Typewri1-
ing. Best in everything. Business Prac
tice in Bookkeeping and Shorthand from
start to finish. Educates practically and
supplies business houses with competent
assistants. Established Sept. /. 1861
No vacations. For catalogues address
w. w. Daggett Oshkosh. Wis.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

A Literary Note.-The denizens of the
forest were organizing literary club
We must make the porcupine presi-
dent" said Br'er Wolf. His style is
full Of good points"
Permit me- remarked Br'er Rabbit
ito recommend reptile friend Of mine
He can put up rafting tail. Catholic
Standard and Times.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
Frozen Butterflies.

1t is Il common experience among
mountain climbers to find butterflies "
that they break unless they are very
carefully handled. Such frozen butter
Hes on being taken TO warmer climate
recover themselves and fly away. Six
species OF butterflies have been found
within few hundred miles of the North
Hale
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

ing-down pains, or tired
feelings, and am well and
hearty. Ishall recommend
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound to all my
suffering friends as the
greatest remedy for all
female weakness.
MRS. SUSIE J. WEAVER.
1921 Callowhill ST.. Phila-
delphia, Pa, writes:
DEAR MRS. PINKHAM-I
had Inflammation of the
womb and painful men,
situation. and by your
advice l began taking
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound. Have
taken four bottles and use
one package of Sanativ
Wash and feel like a new
woman. I thank you so /.
much for what your inedi- q
cine has done for me-.
MRS. NJ. BAUMANN, III W
Chicago. H.. writes: {" 4
months trial of Lydia E. Phi
not say enough i'll praise
with womb trouble when |
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
No Night in England.

From May % to July 81 in England,
twilight lasts until the sun has disap-
pcared Is degrees below the horizon nd
during these sixty-one days this lint is
never passed There is, therefore, no
actual night
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

address is Lynn, Mass. Absolutely no
charge IS made for advice. Il suffered
seven years and would surely have died
but for your help" writes MRS. GEO.
BAINBRIDCE, Morea, Pa, to Mrs. Pinkham.
" It is with pleasure now write to inform
you that am now healthy woman, thanks
to your kind advice and wonderful medi-
cine. | can never praise it enough. Twas
a constant sufferer from womb trouble and
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
Try Grain-O: Try Grain-O:

Ask your Grocer to-day to show you
package of GRAIN-O, the new food
drink that takes the place of coffee. The
children may drink it without injury as
well as the adult. All who try it like it.
GRAIN-O has that rich seal brown Of
Mocha or Java, but it is made from pure
grains. and the most delicate stomach re-
ceives it without distress. II the price OF
coffee. 15c and z5c per package. Sold
by all grOcers.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

%VERY suffering from any female trouble be
~ helped by Mrs. Pnkham This statement is based
sound reasoning and an unrvalled record Multtudes
Americas to-day bless Mrs Pnkha for
and advice Write to her if you ILL., Her
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

1t is rumored that the French, after
having taught the world the merits Of
soup. are themselves falling off in their
love for the traditional national dish.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

About 2e,0OO,0 false teeth are pro-
dueed annually in the United States,
nearly all being the product Of Philadel-
fine gold are used With this output.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

A wedding invitation in Cairo ex-
tends for three days. There is feasting
during all the time, and the house and
street are literally decorated with flags
and lanterns.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

most direct line and if | can find liar
among the six I'll ticket over his road p
Ohio State Journal.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

Perfumes are made from d great va
riety of seeds, and by combining some
Of these new perfumes are made, which
resemble none of those previously
known.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

Whit did you smash i'm fob?
He insulted a frien' CT mine
Go way, Whut did he say"
He said dat mex ter me, my fricn
wah de mos ignu'nt pusson in dis com
muniry. Washington Star.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

FITS Permanently Cured No fits or nervousness
after first day. use of DR. Klne's Great Nerve
Restorer. Send for FREE 81 90 trial bottle and
treatise. Dr. r. Fl. KLINE, Ltd, 931 Arch St. Pha-
delpha. Pa
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

The imports Of Africa amounted dur
ing the past year to $40O,0OO.0O0, of
which $1S,OOO0OO was furnished by the
United States. The exports for the
same time were $3.50, 100000, of which
the United States took $1O,000,00O.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

The average duration Of life in Chi
cago has been greatly increased in the
last thirty years, resulting i'll the saving
of 42.050 lives
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

For lung and chest diseases. Piso's
Cure il the best medicine we have used.
Mrs. j. L. Northcott. Windsor. Ont.
Canada.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
SAFE
COUNSEL
EOR SICK
WOMEN

leucorrhoe&, had continual pain abdomen. Sometimes
walk the floor three
time Since using your medicine now have bear
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
GIVE |, +; MA Z, 4 n
LIKE FINDING MONEY.


Shakespeare printed twelve beautiful Twentieth
and
obtain the beautiful Christmas
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

In Great Britain on certain streets
of large cities drunken women are as nu-
merOus as intoxicated men.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

Betrothal notices are published to some
extent in certain New York newspapers.
Remark the thoughtfulness of the thrifty
parent who put the following thames
omitted) in the Herald one day last
week:
Miss Henrietta - daughter of --, the
sole manufacturer of the -- Shirtwaist, TO
N cards
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
To Cure a Cold in One Dav

Nt'H " NOAU III OHc Loy
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund the money if it fails to cure.
Zoe. E. W. Groves signature is on each box.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07
SPINNING WHEEL.
WHAT COUNTS.

This is the maxim they swear most by,
And the young reporter may take the
hint:
1T isn't the stuff you write that counts,
But what gets into print
Reams and reams of paper arc filled
Each day by scratchy pen,
With burning thoughts and eloquent words
From the teeming brains Of men.
And the editor sits with his pencil blue,
And winnows the wheat from the chaff,
And what survives Of the stuff writ down
Is good bit less than half.
Men who win the men who find
The shortest way the best;
They write no more than they have to
write,
And the desk man does the rest.
And this should the adjective wcrshipef
know:
The reporter wins renown
AZ much by the stuff be doesn't write
AS that which he writeth down.
Mark. then the maxim they swear most by,
It's q rule Of the Office, hard as 6int,
1T isn't the stuff you write that counts,
But what gets into print.
Philadelphia North American.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

John Bulls naval pension list con-
sists OF 1927 persons.
Mrs. Wins1Ow's SOOTHING SYRUP for children
teething. softens the gums, reduces Inflammation,
allays pain, cures wind collie. Csc bottle.
Contagious diseases kill 100000 peo-
pie III France yearly.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

The faculty of terse and forceful
speech is ordinarily an advantage, but
occasionally a man gets hoisted by MS
own epigram, says the Washington Star
A hustling young New Yorker who was
recently established in a branch of the
oil business had set out to get the pat
ronage Of a certain firm. The head of
the concern was reluctant to make a
change
The oil we have been getting has not
been unsatisfactory" said he, and L fail
to see why we should make change
Are there any extra inducements you can
offer? How do you propose TO improve
on the old quality?'
In this way, was the prompt an
swer Il propose to give the business
my personal attention. | intend to put
some of my brains into every barrel OF
oil we send out
The rejoinder pleased the old gentle
man, and he became a customer.
A few months later the husthnG young
man was obliged to make a journey and
in his absence through some oversight
the quality Of oil was allowed to deterl-
crate. 1t was quickly noted, and let
ter now on file in the office records one
of the protests 1t reads: "Gentlemen:
When we were induced to use your prod
uct we were assured that Mr.. Blank put
some of his brains into every barrel OF
oil We deeply regret to observe tnat
Mr.. Blank is threatened with paresls.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

months trial Lydia E. Pnkhams Vegetable Compound
say enough III praise for it. very woman
with womb trouble when began its but we'll"
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

Gifts for Dewey.-"Well, said the
patriotic farmer. "ef Dewey amt com
Portable when col weather sets in. all
Gran mothers half blind, but she's done
knitted him six pair of wooden socks
my Of woman has made him quilt. with
the star-spangled banner in the middle
the two gals has made him flannel muf-
fller: I've bought him a pair of jean
britches, an the OF shoemaker has kilt
him out O the hide" ATLANTA Constitu-
ton.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-11-07

Teacher Willy, please give me a SEN
tence liz which the verbs to set and to
sit are used correctly"
Willy latter n brief deliberation) 1.-The
United States is a country on which the
country ever sits. Puck
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1899-08-30

WITH Sinking Hrnrs tie Roys Re-
hold, me Preparations Tor
Departure.

The performance In the tent is fear.
| fully drawing nearer and nearer to
the end. The boys see this with sink
ing heart. A man makes an announce
ment that surely betokens time when
all this glory must pass away. In sharp
staccato tones he declaims aloud: ..The
performance ees not half oyah. The
gentiemanly agents win pass around
The ring with tickets for the concert Y
What he says about its being on a real
stage with scenery falls duly upon the
sars Of the boy that has not 'sthe smole
sem Of daime, tain cents.a
The fireworks at the end dazzle and
delight him, but half their glory is
spoiled by the thought that the blissful
dream is DER, and tomorrow returns
the tedious round Of life. AS he clam
bers down the steps he notes that at
the farther end of the tent from the
stage the quarter poles are being taken
down and loaded into wagons. and
when all is over at last there IS moth
ing but the seats just vacated, the quar-
ter poles which stay up the canvas di-
rectly over them and the center poles
remaining. Outside the main tent all
is gone. At S:45 the work began. AS
fast as anybody got through with his
turn the properties were all taken apart
and put each in its numbered place in
the wagon. Every bit of wardrobe for
which each performer was responsible
went into the little compartment of
which he had the key. In their reg
ular order each wagon moved off to the
train waiting on the sidetrack for it.
The circus tent stands alone. The
gasoline chandeliers hang in the cen
ter till all the properties are removed.
Last and most difficult of all to get out
is the spiral up which the man pro-
pels the globe. Then the stars are
lowered and extinguished, and fIaring
torches light the place with their vel
low, smoky blaze. A stentorian voice
calls out; "Get-readayayl" and
presently sinks to the ground, the last
of the Canvas City of Enchantment.
The lacings are quickly undone, the
pieces rolled up and put in the wagon
and the show is gone.
Next day the boys playing around
Vandeman's lot see only the litter and
the places where the rings were dug
Eugene Wood, in Ainslee's.
The daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Ind. Ter. [Okla.]) 1898-1902, 1899-08-30

<e$ Hse9 nv y ssyordfish nnd
eesered WIZ, much
gi niincuity.

W. hpoken ends Of a North
jI1[ <t |]|e is'by no means an easy
matter, aec0FIing TO the reports
brou8At W this city by ne British
steamship Manhattan, FROM London,
lfand the Red Star steamship Switzerland.
Z from Antwerp. Both vessels recentlv
spoke the cable steamship Minia during
her long search for the broken ends.
The Nina has been able to locate the
break, although its approximate posi-.
tion was known before she started on
her cruise.
The Switzerland sighted the Minia on
June "a in latitude 42.11, longitude
51.4S, and the Manhattan on Nav 2s in
latitude 4s.04, longitude $3.50.
The electricians on the Minia report
ed TO the Manhattan that the break was
over $4,000 feet, or about three miles.
below the surface of the sea and that
they had not yet been able to pick ur
the broken ends. The point at which
the cable parted was in midocean and
at one of the deepest spots in the At
lantic. The officers of the Minia
claimed that it was the greatest depth
at which the drags had ever been put
overheard from any vessel to grapple
the ends of lost cable
The break in the cable, which crosses
from New York to Kinsale, ireland, oc-
CURED last winter and it has been Of no
use since that time. 1t was first
thought that the wreck Of sunken yes
sci had dragged downward over the
cable. causing it to snap apart, but an
expert on deep-sea cables the other day
stated that it was more than likely tha
work of swordfish.
Before the Nina started on her
cruise two months ago the location of
the break was approximately discov-
cred by the resistance OF the electrical
current on the dip Of the needle Of a
galyanometer. To pick up these broken
ends and splice them together is a diff
cult II not an impossible undertaking,
and it may yet be necessary to 20 back
70 shoaler water and run out new cable.
Record.