davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
Very Awkward.

Prom De Detroit JolflaI
Beloved" he cried. throwing himself
at his wIfe's feet. we have lost all save
honor
The woman pressed her hand 70 her
streaming eyes and wept as II her hear,
were breaking.
How awkward" she sObbed. Just the
thing We don't need Il we've got to dead.
beat
Verify. II seemed that q relentless fate
pursued them.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
WHY He Stoned II

From the Indianapolis Journal
The Business Manager-One of our life
long subscribers has stopped the paper on
account of your literary reviews.
The Editor-I am sincerely sorry thew
are not good enough for him.
Business Manager-Oh. they are too
good. He says any paper that devotes so
much study 10 lot OF gol-dern novels
that amt nothing but lies can't have the
time 10 attend TO politics properly.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
How the Day Was Saxad

From the Chicago Evening Post
1hey were discussing the details of 2
projected county exhibition of far etno1s
poultry ana cfochet work. Il think" said
the chairman. that ali the preIiminaries
nave Oeeh attended to-" An angular man
IA the back OF the hall stood up. Have
you invited Dewey he asked. Instantly
all was confusion. 1t was a terrible over
sight, but one mans forethought saved
the day.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
Disarmament.

From the Detroit Journal
As for Mars, he affected indifference
when the Car was mentioned. Let them
disarm, If they liker' exclaimed the god
OF war. Il don't care a tinker's cara mia
I'll simply infuse little more ginger into
the theological controversies and nobodv'U
know there ever was a peace conference
II was pretty hard for men so 10 arrange
their affairs as TO throw any of the reg
ular Oiympian deities out Of employment
entirely
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Prom tbs Chicago Tribune.
Il sec Crimmins' building - more tAaA
half empty again"
Yes. lie rented the second kDOr % 3
brass band and the third floor 10 POpj'
list debating club. and they both 80 H-41
aud lets'
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
Simply Execrable.

From the Indianapolis Journal
Don't you know" asked the Moham-
medan. that the ringing OF a bell fills
the air with devils?"
1t was the Sabbath morn.
Il rave heard SUCH" answered the
Christian, but they do no harm. They
slip up on the peals before they get very
far"
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

A Michigan man undertook TO deco
rate the 1st of April with a hanging joke
in which he essayed the stellar role. Ow-
ing to the faulty construction Of the par
aphernalia and the negligence of his as
sistants. the prank developed into a real
thing, and the domain of Pingree is shy
one humoriSt.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
Ini.rtainmentan anal prna,

| FrOm tbs Detroit Free PFSEA
was that sieight-of-hand mans exhI-
bitioh successful, MBdgeT'
Il think 50; lent him a counterfeit al.
YER dollar. and nc gave me back a good
| one
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
Hot Scotch.
En- pnct

Froil PUCK
Papa, why does the owl hoot?" asked
the little sparrow one night. ''Ohi / sup
pose he thinks it's Scotch dialect" replied
the old sparrow, bitterly; for he vas tired
Of being kept awake.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
Smoothing 1t Over.

From Ttt-Bits-
Parker-Who was that rufianly looking
fellow l saw with you to-day, Hicksg'
Hicks-Be careful, Parker, That man
was my twin brother
BY Jovel Forgive me, old man; / ought
TO have known
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

the address CT their paper will confer
favor II. IN stating the new address. they
Will at the same time give the name o.
their Old post-ofnce
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
EesescefnI Comment.

Fr9sa TIE cL.eazo Record.
Think o. the impudence OF that lee
turer IN requesting the women 10 remove
their hats"
We'll. ! suppose he wanted everybody
10 see that he Is boWiegged"
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Having thoroughly demonstrated the
Wickedness of all metropolitan editors,
Col Charles H. Jones is now engaged in
writing pieces on the evils of militarism.
Col. Jones goes from scare-crow to scare
crow with the persistence and regularity
of g non-uniOn bee in hOney-making time.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Gomez's letter to his wife may not
square the old gentleman with the Cuban
Assembly, but it may, in a measure,
atone for his long absence from his ow.
hreslde and enable him 10 regain pos
session of the family night key.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
AKeasonabls DI.eannf-

Ffon the FIlexsads Bi4itsr.
New SOH-ln-I.aw-iIere's only u go
marks: you promised my wife . dswry
Of s.0o.
Faiker-ln-IAs-I always knock OF Der
cent. fOF cash.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

When Mr.. AckisSon retirUd from that
effort to defeat Mark Hama he had the
nand play -There'll Come a Time some
Day" and yesterday was the time r.
ferred 20 by the Young nan
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
No Daytime Nan.

Prom TIE Chicago RsssrA Z
Don't you ever tase a nap in the day.
timer
No: its too much trouble TO get awake
more than once . day"
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

The retired naval officers who are
writing so copiously about the mistakes
OF Cervera have bounced down or very
easy mark. The mistakes of the man
who fails are easily located and not hard
10 exploit.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

up and publishe. the old letters OF Hon
J. Sterling Morton. in which he advocated.
fusion between tie Democrats and the
PouulIsts
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

X-COngressman Enloe, who retired TO
private nfe va che journalistic grave
yard. has prepared z Democratic cate
ehlsm, IL is a lengthy affair, bat fails 20
ask the candidates fay0rite brand Of ir-
rigation.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Mr.. Dick Croker has placed his brand
on Carter Harrison's candidacy. Dick
Is compelled to go a considerable dis
lance from home to secure his band
wagon material.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
..ff.'

From tAs Bossss clsbe
Papa. IL you hadn't married mama.
"WellY'
What lot O fun me an' you could
haye-a dom as VIC pleaze.'
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

The Democratic National Committee
should turn its attention to the Baltimore
Democrats. They, too. ignored the Chi
cago platform in their municipal conven-
ton
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

1t would seem that the Nebraska Legis-
lature passed that resolution congratu-
latng our troops in the Philippines for
me sole purpose of enabling the Populist
Governor TO exhibit the length of his ears.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

The next Democratic Presidential tick
ct should be constructed on octopus
lines. Otherwise, the various factions
Will not have chance at the leg pull
ing.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

The young Indiana statesmen who
would make a Vice Presidential candidate
of Admiral Schley ought to understand
that it is not fair TO plan a political
burial without the consent of the vie
tim.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Col. Watterson may be forced to the
extremity OF playing a banjo and crying
his political nostrums On the street cor
ners.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
4 Depressing pi.eo,sr,.

From Puck.
Il Is an awful shock TO find that we
have been polite 10 people who were not
worth IL.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Some of the busy rural editors are in
elined to get the Samoan situation mixed
with the Philippine affair.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Owing to a scarcity of dates. the Hon.
Billy Mason's anti-imperialistic mono
logue has been forced into retirement.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

The community that pays Sam Jones
good money for injuring its feelings Is
entitled to no sympathy.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

If the National Cromwellian League has
any funds in its treasury IL should has
ten to invest them in Autographs OF Its
Presidential candidate.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Il appears that Mr.. Coen made a most
liberal contribution 10 the appetite OF the
Cuban Assembly
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Mr. Hoar carefully avoids al reference
20 the policy by which his ancestors ac-
grlred the territory upon which they set
tied
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Az any rate, Gen. Eagan has managed
10 escape all the Inconvenience which
accompany war heroisn.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Mr. Quay is disposed to lay aside his
Mother Hubbard and dress the Harris
burg part with a little more care.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

None of the newspapers has gone SO
far as to refer to the Fanderbilt-Falr
wedding as "a quiet affair"
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Col. Gustav Augerstein, the general
field agent Of the National Constitutional
Cromwellian League, should lose no time
IN rigging up the Coin Harvey depart
ment OF the Niles boom.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

A Philadelphia man has been sued for
$500 for squeezing a girls hand. 1t may
be hard work 10 convince an intelligent
jury that there is $500 worth Of squeeze
in a PHILADELPHIA girls hand
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

II is confidently believed that the Gu
bans viii eventually simmer down and
pocket the s, e0eeJ insult.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

The height of political cruelty is reached
~ the Omaha World Herald when IL digs
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
The Washington Post
WEEKLY EDITION.

FebHsass every Tuesday a. Tts Post BuiIsinE
Gsfsrss az tie Foat-oses a. wassInetes a. ssoSas-
class nsttsrI
TE7gs CT WEEKLY-POsIAGE PREPAID
ssg.s sses1isiea, Pr sbrUa............,-7 esats
Lise-al essA oszm.rziss viii b PAD FoSi work
'Fs ssa sss.lsl privilege piB - aIs~sd ts p11t-
zsrtsrz
TERMS OF DAILY-POsTAGE PREPAID.
DAILY. sEht p-Esa one ysar-..................Sa .
DNii-is "a HczihE. -
DAILY and SUNDAY. eas y.sr.........-..--..-. .
DAILY ard SUNDAY. fi1 E5zths......-.-.-.-.. .
DAILY and SUNDAY. eas E5E,s............--.. -
ks-lt BY drza CT Post-oscs money order. Wasa
neither @ these car b procsrsd ,snd Ia money 10
registered letter For snail anoents z-csut postage
sl&Ep2 All bs received Al uossy reaitied al Flsk
q sender n order 70 Insure atteutioa Subscribers
wishing tAslr address eAaaess nust send their old
a. Vel a. tAsir nez address. We Vin alvays SOP
tss1ag tse paper vhea tie tine Tor which Il Is paid
las sEpiret. that. 20 avoid niaa.ag aay num5srA
al sssgle renew promptly. Atdreas. II all eassA.
THE POST. Warrington. D. c.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

The Democratic National Committee got
INTO the Chicago municipal campaign inst
III time TO get good soaking.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Dick Croker is to be the star witness
in Tom Platt's police investigation. Tom
proposes to give a great show.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Admiral Kautz will not come up 10 the
expectation OF the highly feathered sol
diers until he begins 10 complain Of the
quality OF The beef
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Quite a number Of politicians show a
disposition 20 hitch on" 10 Carter Har-
rison's political future.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04
RUDYARD KIPIING'S THANKS.
Graceful Acknowledgment Of Courtesies
shown Him During His Illness

New York, April 3.-The following let
ter of thanks has been written by Rud-
yard Kipling:
Hotel Grenoble, Easter Day. 1899.
Dear Sir: VIII you allow me, through
your columns, to attempt some acknowl-
edgment of the wonderful sympa thy. af-
fiction. and kindness shown toward me
during my recent illness. as well as the
uEfailing courtesy that controlled its ex-
preston? / am not strong enough to an
swer letters in detail, so | must take this
means of thanking, as humbly as sin
Cerely. the countless people of good
will throughout the world who have put
me under a debt l can never hope 10 re-
pay. Faithfully yours.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

An Atlanta library association has re-
quested Joe jefferson 10 play one night
for its benefit Association : a grO.4t de-
veioper Of nerve.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

The fact that many prominent peo-
| pie possess doubles goes far to con-
| firm the doctrine held in India that all
| men are created In pairs, and under the
! circumstances 1t is by no means improb-
able that many OF the SHORTCOMINGS land
| 10 the charge OF these or Of those great
| personages may have been perpetrated BY
| their doubles. Thus TO the knowledge OF
| the French police the late Prince Of
Orange, so well known by his Partisan
| nickname of ''Citron," had several dou-
bles, and without desiring in any way to
excuse him, IL is a fact that many of the
escapades laid at his door were In reality
perpetrated by his alter egoes. Nor should
/ omit mention of odd Father GodiIlot
the military contractor at Paris. who was
the exact counterpart of Napoleon III
for whom he used continually TO be taken.
an the more as he got into the way az
| initiating all his soyereign's maanerisns
such as the dropping OF the eyelids. the
stroking of the heavy mustaene, ard
above all the peculiar Waddling walk.
People were never tired OF making fun
Of this resemblance. and whenever the
imperial government perpetrated any
act Of policy that the public considered
as a mistake, they would insist that the
fault was due. not 10 Napoleon. but "a
| GodiIlot, on the ground that whenever the
Emperor felt too bored TO attend Ire
Council Of Ministers, he would send C,cd-
| Hot 10 take his place, the resemoI1nca
being so strong that the Ministers would
never know the difference.
GodillOt died the other day at a chateau
near Nice and was yiSited last wear fv
Queen Victoria for the purpose Of Insect
| ing his hot houses and flowers on com-
ment being made IN his presence as to TIE
| graciousness displayed b. the Queen. he
replied.
"Oh, you see, she couldn't very well
| help Il, she was continually taking re for
| the Emperor.
The roya! parsonage who suffered most
through her double was Queen Marie An
| iolnette OF France. whose name was drag
ged into the blackest Of mud In come
| ton with the historical diamond necklace
/ scandal, owing 10 one OF the priaelDsl
actors therein being her living counter
| part. a resemblance indeed upon which
/ the ringleaders Of the conspiracy based
/ their hopes OF immunity from punishment.
AARQUISE De FoNTENOY.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

Mr. Kipling got out of bed yesterday FOL
the first time since his Illness. He is wei
on the way toward complete recovery.
The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-04-04

essA oszm!risa rill b PAD FoSi ~ork-
sFs.lsl privilege piI - aIlo~sd ts yo1t-
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-05-30
HOSPITAL CASES.

Michael Hawley, Of Lafayette street,
had his left leg fractured in serious
manner yesterday at the Bound wash
cry near Minooka. He stepped too close
to some belts and his clothing was
caught. He seized an iron brace and
prevented himself being drawn into the
machinery but could not avoid the IN
jury. Strange to say, Hawley, who was
removed to the Lackawanna hospital, is
not worrying over the injury but of the
delay which it will cause in his plans for
next week. He was 10 have been mar
ried then.
Benjamin John, of North Scranton,
was burned in an awful manner about the
body and head at . a. m. yesterday while
at work near one of the kilns in Ship
pey's brickyard The burns were caused
by an explosion in the kiln. 1t is thought
thar the injured man inhaled some Of
the flames and is burned internally. He
was i'm critical condition last night.
Joseph Cos XII, of Peckville. was admits
to the Lackawanna hospital yesterday
suffering from burns about the hands
and face caused by an explosion of pow
der in the Blue Ridge mines, where he
works His condition is not serious.
Joseph Burritz, of North Scranton. was
wrestling with some friends near his
home Sunday night and in falling dislo-
Gated his thumb. Yesterday an opera
tlon was performed at the Lackawanna
hospital and the dislocated thumb re-
placed. a tendon had slipped so as to
prevent the joint entering the socket,
Michael Michaloaski, of Jcssup, while
working at the head of the shaft at the
Dolph Coal comoany's colliery, was
knocked into a trench by a loaded trip
and suffered severe decorations of the
scalp and cuts on his back. He was re-
moved TO the Lackawanna hospital.
Henry Swartz of Green Ridge, who was
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-05-30
TOLD IN A FEW LINES.

All members of the Independent Or
der of Odd Fellows are requested to
meet at their rooms this morning at 5
o'clock, to participate in the parade.
Privates James McGill and Jesse Fal-
lon, of Company G, Fifteenth infantry,
Y. s. A., which is now stationed in
Cuba, are home on a furlough.
j. Snyder, of New York. Is visiting
his parents on Dudley street.
Mr.. and Mrs. Herbert Potter. of
Madisonville, spent Sunday with friends
here.
Mrs. w. II, Higgins and daughter
Edna, of Forest City, are the guests OF
Mr.. and Mrs. Spettigue, of North
Blakely street.
Mr.. and Mrs. f. Mitchell, Of Blakely,
spent Sunday with relatives on Harper
street
The postofiice hours for today are as
follows: a, m. to $50 a, m; l0,45 a,
m. to Has "A. M; l,45 p, IN. to 2,45 p. m.
Mrs. William Rosser has opened an
ice cream parlor on Jefferson avenue,
Misses Edith Branning and Lucy
Bakerly, of Wilkes Barre, who were
visiting friends on Fifth street, Will re-
turn home today.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-05-30

Many and great have been the prep
arations for observing Memorial day.
The societies, fire companies, etc, in
tending to participate in the parade
have been busily engaged completing
all minor details TO make as fine a
showing as possible.
The divisions will form so as to leave
the Corners" at . o'clock sharp. when
they will proceed up Chestnut street to
the Catholic cemetery, where the Grand
Army Of the Republic services will be
in charge of Comrade NJ. X. Bishop, of
Lieutenant Ezra S. Griffin post, No. 139.
From the Catholic cemetery the line
of march will be down Potter street to
Blakely street to the large gates on
North Blakely street and enter the
Dunmore cemetery, where the Grand
Army of the Republic services will be
in charge of Comrade John B. Hob
day, of Ezra S. Griffin post, No. 139.
Any society not now included can be
assigned to a place in the line by re-
porting to Grand Marshal Captain Nc
Andrew this morning.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-05-30
COUNCIL MEETING.

A special meeting Of the borough
council was held Saturday evening,
Messrs. McAllister. Jones, McCulloch,
Ward and Weber being present. The
meeting was called for the purpose of
considering the appropriations for the
coming fiscal year and miscellaneous
business.
Ordinance No. 76, appropriating $2O,-
900 for the year, passed first and Sec
ond readings.
The secretary was instructed to notify
the borough treasurer that the interest
on bond No. had been stopped since
March 1. The above bond was called
In and up to the present time it has
not been sent in.
Chief of the Fire Department James
O'Hora recommended that the council
secure a spring wagon for the use of
the Independent Hose company, it be-
ing necessary to return the hose wagon
borrowed from the city department.
The company's own wagon is being re-
paired and painted. The matter was
placed in the hands of the fire COM
mittee, with power to act. Council then
adjourned until the regular meeting
night.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-05-30
LETTERS UNCALLED For.

Following is a list of letters remain
ing uncalled for at the postoffice for
the period ending May 81 1899. Per-
sons calling for these letters will please
say advertised in Scranton Tribune:
Mrs. j. NJ. Bailey, 1913 jefferson ave-
nue.; Edwin r, Bailey Zone letter and
PACKAGE, Annie Cochrane, James
Doud, Edwin Fitzpatrick. 1175 Drinker
street; Helen Holten, 12S Adams ave-
nue.; John King, John LAWN, James Nc
Hugh. Mrs. NJ. Marks, All Penn avenue;
e. e, Payne, 696 Adams avenue; Genev-
ieve Reilly, Mrs. r. Renwick, Mrs
Rozelle, Adams avenue; Mrs. Mary
Smith, Webster avenue; Eugene Steel
carpenter and builder), Samuel O
Wells, Streznyecski Joyself, George
Lyath, Dunato Suonco. Fred. Diehl, NJ
Y. Petzhold (package).
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-05-30
BARRELS OF SAMPLES.
Over Two Hundred Thousand Trial
Bottles Sent Free by Mail.

BY special arrangement with the
manufacturers Of that justly famous
kidney medicine, DR.. David Kennedys
Favorite Remedy. the readers OF The
Tribune are enabled to obtain trial
bottle and pamphlet of valuable med
ical advice absolutely free, by simply
sending their full name and post Of
flee address to the DIR. DAVID KEN
NEDY CORPORATION, Rondout, N
Y. and mentioning this paper.
OF course this involves enormous ex-
pense to the manufacturers, but they
have received so many grateful letters
from those who have been benefited
and cured of the various diseases, Of
the Kidney, Liver, Bladder and Blood,
rheumatism, Dyspepsia and Chronic
Constipation, and all weaknesses pecu-
liar to women that they will willingly
send trial bottles to all sufferers.
Upon investigation 1t was found
that 91 per cent of those who have
used the trial bottle had received
such benefit from IL that they pur-
chased large sized bottles of their drug
gists.
1t matters not how sick you are or
how many physicians have failed to
help you, send for a trial bottle of this
great medicine. IL costs you but a
postal card, and benefit and cure will
most certainly be the result.
Put some urine in a glass tumbler
and let it stand ~ hours: if it has
sediment or II pale or discelored,
milky or cloudy, stringy or ropy, your
kidneys or bladder are in bad condi-
tion. DR.. David Kennedy's Favorite
Remedy spepdilV cures such dangerous
symptoms as pain in the back, in
ability to hold urine, a burning, scald-
ing pain in passing it, frequent desire
to urinate, especially at night. the
staining of linen by your urine and all
the unpleasant and dangerous effects
on the system produced by the use of
whiskey, wine or beer. DIR. David
Kennedy's Favorite Remedy is sold
at all drug stores for S1.0o for a large
bottle; six bottles for $500.