Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-11-28

"My lectures are like freightDtrain,"
said Sam Jones, the Georgia evangelist,
in the Carroll Club auditorium last
night. "You can cut them in two any
where. and hitch on the caboose."
Jones delivered his lecture on Get
There, Stay There" under the auspices
of the Woman's Camp Meeting Asso-
citation, and there was large and In
telligent audience to hear him. Jones
was perhaps not as sensational as IN
former years, but as unconventional as
ever in his expressions, while his orig
inal manner of driving home his
points, and his inimitable wit, KEEP. the
audience alternately laughing and ap-
plauding 1t would be impossible TO
give his address in full, owing to limit
ed space, but some of his principal
points and witticisms are given be-
low.
what we need" he said, sis un-
purchasable, unbulldozeable men," HI
referred to the recent period of de-
preston in Georgia, and said that some
of his friends had asked him to stand
for them at the banks. He didn't
catch the full significance of the term,
but he did stand" for the, and in
three years he paid out 100000. Now
he knows that when a man wants you
to stand for him, he wants to lie down
himself. e.
The greed for the dollar has got the
country. We made great fuss about
licking Spain for the poor, down-trod-
den Cubans, and then I'VE took every
thing they had for our own benefcent
purposes. Everybody in America needs
a poor daddy. Take the history of the
country. and you'll find that the poor
boy got there and stayed there ninety
nine times out of a hundred The
happiest man in this city tonight is
he who earns his bread by the sweat Of
his brow, and goes to bed 365 nights in
a wear with the consciousness that he
is IAN honest man, the noblest work of
God" Did you ever sit down and phil
osophize and try to analyZe the diff
ference between the rich man and the
poor man? A man is just as rich or as
poor as he feels. That philosopher
was never born who can tell which is
the better estate-to be as hungry as
dog and have nothing to eat, or to have
the collie from eating too much.
l might talk for an hour about how
to get there politically. There's not a
dirtier cesspool of corruption this side
of perdition than politics. Take West
Virginia politician and place him in a
cage, and if the devil comes along and
looks in, he says, Boys, that's Nrse
than anything I've got If politician
should die and start toward perdition,
and the devil should see him colt ing,
he would close the door and shls up
shop. The only difference between a
Democrat and Republican, is that
one is high cock-a-lorum, and the other
ow-cock-a-lorum. They are both
after the offices, and nothing else under
the sun.
The speaker turned his attention to
the last national campaign, and direct
ed his shafts of sarcasm toward Nc
Kinley and Bryan, telling of their
speech-making, and adding that there
was not scintilla of truth in what
either said. The peace and prosperity
of the country does not depend upon
gold or silver, but upon the upright
ness, honesty and integrity of this great
people. We have prosperity in spite If
the crime of 70, and in spite of the gold
standard. All the gold and silver in the
world does not equal the sum annually
spent for beer and whisky in America.
Wheeling is supporting a thousand
old pap suckers, who have been living
off the city for ten years, and you can't
wean them, either. Washington is the
national cow-pen of the office-holders.
The speaker said ne was in Washing
ton when Cleveland was turning the
rascals out, and he gave a description
of the well-fed Republican calves, and
the Democratic calves who were wait
ing to take theis places. He referred
to the steadily increasing taxes, adding
that more taxes mean more cow-feed,
and more cow-feed means more milk
for the calves.
| ought not to talk about politics, for
there's nothing in it but degradation
here, and damnation hereafter. If the
devil don't get the politicians, it will be
because he don't want them.
You can tell woman by the way she
dresses. Some dress up and others
dress down. They cut their dresses
off at the top for the ball room, and
at the bottom for bicycles. If I were
married to gigling, novel-reading girl.
and should come home some time to