Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1899-06-26
GENERAL FREDERICK FUNSTON

Funston left the Kansas farm in his
teens, where his fathers household
was established He went to Mexico.
There he picked up Spanish He en-
tered the Kansas state university in
early twenties, alternating annually
the pursuit of knowledge with the pur-
suit of dollars-frst as a Santa Fe
train-collector, then as a Kansas City
newspaper reporter, and later as a
government botanical explorer in the
Dakotas and in Montana, and finally
in the terrible death valley of south
ern California. In the Cuban army
he rose from lieutenant to lieutenant
colonel and chief of artillery, under
Garcia Funston fired the first dyna
mite-gun ever used in actual war,
with only the printed directions of the
un-makers to guide him. At this
time he did not know as much about
artillery as he did about a sulky-
plough, but he made what a boy
calls "stab" at it; and when chunk
of Spanish fertilization caved in Fun
ston was happy, and went on making
ruins with his new toy. After he was
appointed colonel of the twentieth
Kansas Volunteers by Governor Leedy
of Kansas, Funston was called to Tam
pa to consult with General Miles
about the topography of certain parts
of Cuba. Funston would not wear
his colonel's uniform at Tampa; he
went about in the linen clothes of
civilian. When some one asked why
he did not put on his uniform, he re-
piled: "Now I'd look pretty, wouldn't
I, trotting up and down in a colonies
rig, when all around here are sure
enough soldiers who have fought
their way up from the line in the reg
ular army, who have been in the civil
war and in a score of Indian wars,
who have the right to wear only a
captains or at most a majors uni
form! Wouldn't be daisy, letting
men like that salute me in my tin
soldier clothes? Well, I guess not
not without stimulants, anyhow" So
he scampered about in his unadorned
clothes, and jeered at what be called
not know tours right from balance ALL
Funston did not know very much
about the fine points of the art of war;
but he was candid and acknowledged
his ignorance. When the regular
army men at Tampa began to ques-
ton him about his range with the
artillery Funston told them, with a
oh RI
with military science, that he pulled
his guns up within four or five hun
dred yards Of his mark before firing
Whereat the army men laughed quiet
ly, winked at one another, and listened
obviously thereafter. Later, when
some Spanish officers were taken
prisoners at Santiago they told in
horror Of little damn fool Ameri-
can," fighting under Garcia the year
before, who poked the nose of his gun
SO close to the Spanish Notifications
that his powder burned their eye
brows. Then the American regular
army men remembered Funston, and
laughed again. When Funston Joined
his Kansas regiment in San Francisco
he put his best bib and tucker on and
went to school to his majors. He de-
voted his time to keeping the camp
clean. When the Kansas boys dressed
up they Immediately took rank with
the best regiments in the camp. Their
sick list was the smallest in the divi-
sion; they drilled like machines; came
to love their colonel so that when he
anointed them with the walls of his
fluent wrath they were ecstatic in
their happiness. He made speeches to
them that we're not in the regulations.
II have noticed" he said to the regi-
ment one day in August, "that you
boys are getting sloppy in your man
ners. When you meet superior Of
ficer you kind Of brush fly from your
ear and go on. Now hereafter you
just stop brushing flies and salute. =
Harper's Weekly.