Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-08-13

| and they can't get anybody to accept the
| office. IL a lawyer happened 10 i've in
! this vicinity he would soon get TO look
| Ike the grass that grows under plank
] Litigation is practically unneard or, eH-
cent in the matter OF settling up estates.
During a weeks sojourn amidst this slice
Of Natures inimitable pie ] have heard
profane language used only once. Then 1t
| was caused by a yellOw-jacHet, which
! mistook an exposed part Of my trousers
| for a sworn enemy. / will not say from
| whose mouth the awful words emanated'
| They don't sell whiskey in this neighpor-
| hood I do not believe you could ind a
| quart Of the horrid stuff for niles around
unless. indeed. you happened 10 look Ia
my trunk. ! am told that several EFFORTS
have been made TO sell liquor hereabouts,
| but that the people would lot courte-
nance IT, And thus il Is that there is no
| Justice of the peace and no @euds nor
| quarrcls nor bitterness but only charity
and happiness When 7 sometimes pause
10 think how much misery AMI suffering
| has been caused I'm this wretched world
by whiskey, ! become firmer ;han ever
! in my intention to drink only Holland Gin
and French brandy.
The Society for the Prevention Of Cruel
| ~ 10 Animals could take n vacation If It
| moved up here. for never have l seen a
class Of people kinder 60 their domestic
animals In a former letter l alluded 10
the consideration which Spotsylvania
dogs enjoyed but more recently I nave
! Seen struck by the way in which both the
prosperous and the poor treat their horses
and other beasts Of burden. one Of the
colts on the place az which I and my wife
aad the canary and the green-apple con-
| sumers are sojournins recently hurt his
hind leg. and for days the animal has
been undergoing medical treatment. The
colt enjoys the privileges OF the lawn in
front Of the house. and has been treated
so considerably that / believe ne could
get feather bed to lie on If he wanted
IT, Everybody who passes asks about this
colt. His sickness has become matter
OF sincere interest for miles around. II
the patient sufferer happens 20 be under
going an operation whom the reigA'ors
are passing. they aight from their
vehicles and lend a hand 10 those who
are dressing his wounds. Recently the
animals leg was lanced. and while ii lay
| painting on the turf. with blood pouring
from it's wounds. quite "a crowd Of medi-
cal advisers assembled around H. Indeed,
IL looked as If everybody I'm the nelgnbor-
hood happened TO bee passing at that time
and that each person considered himself
J.
horse There WIS only one individual who
didn't appear 90 realize the gravity OF
the situation. ana hc was from another
county. so he was cXcusable. When he
saw the PROSTATE colt, bleeding and
breathing hard. he came into he yard,
and. pointing 10 the animal gaid: Hi,
there. is anything the matter with that
colt?"
Nothing at ALL" replied his owner
whose Indignation at such an exhibition
Of stupidity could only be vented in sar-
casm. 1t never occurred 70 the lersOn
from the adjacent county that his Gues-
ton was an idiotic one. He evidently
thought the assembled crowd were BAN
daGing and bleeding the colt solely for
their own amusement
Despite the fact that Sp0tsylyania op-
pears 10 appreciate the benefits of higher
education and the importance Of keeping
up with current events, 1 do not think
the squirrels i'm this neighborhood are so
cultivated as those in the Capitol Square.
Some days since l went cunning after
some OF these hayward creatures but
they were dihident and unapproachable,
and would not even allow me TO put salt
on their tails. Squrrel-hunting is splen-
did for rubber neck" You 20 into a
twcnty-acre tract Of woods 10 look for a
creature whose whole makeup is hardly
nfteen cubic inches. Unfortunately, the
squirrels do not hang up a sign when they
are about. 1t is your business TO nnd
them. and theirs 10 keep YOU from 1t.
They generally get the best of the par
gain. After you have looked up IN the
trees for an hour or so and aimed your
gun at thousand broken twigs, which
you mistake FOR your quarry. you could
tie d bow-knot in your neck.
The most business-Ike things I've seen
I'm Spotsylyania are the yellow-Jackets. II
you happen 20 come up on one OF Their
habitatons they receive you with tho
greatest warmth. Last Sunday a young
gentleman up here tied his horse over a
| nest Of them, and i'm a few minutes the
, Sabbath was terribly profaned The incl
dent occurred while the people were wor-
! shipping NJ church. and some of the con-
| gregation had 20 take a hand in the
fracas They received due recognition
! from the yellow jackets. which are al
| WAYS ready TO do their little act. After a
! young. skittish colt had stood over yell
Iow-jackets' nest for a few minutes you
| do not have 10 use a whip i'm driving her
home. She will go along Ike a brceze
but is apt 60 be pessimistic for several
days.
For the benefit of farmers, whom
shall some day solicit for the subernato-
rial nomination. l print herewith Jew
| agricultural suggestions:
30 not plant your popcorn near your
held-corn. The former is apt TO become
contaminated by the propnquity of me
| coarser grain. Moral: Evil cOmmunica-
lions corrupt good manners.
DO not attempt 10 raise chickens I'm dog
days Even If they. hatch out succe ssiul-
Is. you are apt 20 be harassed by FREE
quent funerals In the barnyard. They Ohe
chickens. not the barnyard0 become
drowsy and soon drop off into that SLEEP
that knows no waking.
| II YOU have a pet colt that is the finest
thing In the county. prepare 20 lose her
Something will main her just as sure as
! YOU are living. II she cannot get gored
| or snagged on a barb-wire fence. she
! will go into the pine brush and stick a
splinter I'm herself Shakespeare feelingly
! alludes TO this state of affairs when no
| says:
Il never had piece OF bread,
Particularly thick and wide,
But what IT fell upon the ground
Ana always on the buttered side.'
Plant your potatoes on the light side Of
! the moon. and II the moon happens 20 be
| off on q vacation when you need II, use
| an electric light.
| Naver he humble. and never assert that