davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
a PGinfnI Mintnka

A conductor got up early the other
morning and got his own breakfast. He
is not used to this. as his wife, who was
sick on this occasion. is used to getting
breakfast ready. He is fond of strong
coffee for his early meal, and, filing the
pot with water, heaped in four table
spoonfuls of what he took to be coffee.
After all was done, the coffeepot
steaming and hash well Drowned, he sat
by his own self to break his fast. The
coffee did not seem very hot, SO he drank
off half the cup in three or four swal-
lows. Then the roof started. He yelled
like maniac. His trembling little wife
ran out to see her husband dancing
about on one foot and screeching like a
maniac
He ran to the water pipe and drank
off two quarts of cold water and then
quieted down enough to ask: .'What in
thunder's the matter with the coffee ?''
She smelled of it and said: "Why,
dear, you mistook the ground cloves for
the coffee, that's all Lewiston Jour-
nal
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
Life is not all merry skate
Don't be a reckless crank;
Where ice is thin, and crowds are great.
Just stay right on the bank.
A Test of Marksmanship

Congress passed its resolution creating a
corps OF these sharpshooters on the 18th of
June, l775. Couriers on relays of swift
horses carried the news to the yarious
county committees on the frontier who
were empowered to commission officers for
the purpose. The committees acted at
once. The officers despatched their scouts.
to summon the men. On the 18th of july
tne hrst company of riflemen, NagePs
Berks County 'Dutchmen," arrived at
Cambridge, and within less than sixtv
days from the date of the resolution of
Congress 1430 backwoodsmen, instead of the
$40 required, had been ra ised, equipped by
themselves, and had joined the army be-
fore Boston, after marching from four to
seveH hundred miles over difficult roads
all without farthing being advanced by
the Continental treasury.
Volunteers had poured into the little re-
cruiting stations in such numbers as to em.
barrass the officers, who fain would have
been spared the duty of discriminating.
One of these officers, beset by much
greater number of applicants than his in
structions permitted him to enroll, and
being unwilling to offend any, hit upon a
clever expedient. Taking piece of chalk.
he drew upon blackened board the figure
OF mans nose, and placing this at such a
distance that none but experts could hope
to hit with bullet, he declared that he
would enlist only those who shot nearest
to the mark. Sixty odd hit the nose.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
500 Reward. s1oo-

The readers of this paper will be pleased
to learn that there is at least one dreaded
disease that science has been able to cure
in all its stages and that is Catarrh. HALLS
Catarrh Cure is the only positive cure now
known to the medical fraternity. Catarrh
being constitutional disease, requires d
constitutional treatment. Halls Catarrh
Cure is taken internally, acting directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the
system, thereby destroying the foundation
of the disease, and giving the patient
strength by building up the constitution
and assisting nature in doing its work.
The proprietors have SO much faith in its
curative powers, that they offer One Hun
dred Dollars for amy case it fails to cure.
Send for list of Testimonials.
Address. F. CHENEY & Co., Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
H.ro,. pa,,,as

Malta's way of treating rheumatism
is a trife heroic, but a generation
brought up on mustard plasters and
electricity ought not to object to it.
The patient is stripped and bees are
cordially invited to settle upon his
body. It amuses the bees and cures the
rheumatism, SO it seems to be philan-
thropic system all around The poison
in the bee stings is said to neutralize
the acid in the blood which is response
BILE for the rheumatism.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
PATE DE FOlE GRAS.
The Fearful Cruelty That Mikes This
Dainty Possibility.

inc Feor1ul cruelty That 4l0keS This
Dainty a Possibility.
To the ordinary man and woman nc
conception Of the torture to which the
poor, unfortunate goose is pat could
possibly be formed.
The geese when about months old
are taken from the pastures and placed
IN an underground cellar, where broad
slanting stone slabs stand in rows, and
are bound fast to the tables. They are
literally crucifed.
Feet, wings and bodies are spread
out and bound by bands, SO that only
the neck is left free As may be imag-
ined, the animal struggles with all its
might against this stretching, till, after.
days of vain endeavor to free itself
from the bands and its position, it's
powers of resistance are overcome, and
a dull resignation, broken only by its
low cries, takes possession of it. Two
months must pass away before death
brings relief
The animals are meanwhile crammed
with dumplings made of dough of buck
wheat, chestnuts and stewed maize.
Every two hours, six times day, they
receive from three to five dumpling
pills, which in time become SO sweet to
the tortured creatures that they stretch
their necks to be crammed.
The most difficult task is to deter
mine the right moment for death.
Those who die Of their own accord are
lost to the liver factory, therefore
kind of study is needed to see when the
cup of agony is brimming full and the
liver is ripe for taking. The bodies of
such ripe ones are like pumpkins
where ordinarily fingers are buried in
flesh and fat nothing but SKIN and bone
are found. The li7ers have absorbed all |
the strength and Juices
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
SIZE WILL FIND OUT.
fhisToEaan's Curiosity Is Only Tenn
porariIy Suppressed.


He had been out pretty late, and hC
knew it. Where he had been, who ht
had been with and what he and the
other fellows had been doing are mat
1 ters not germane to the story. Suffice
to say that when he opened tho door
with his latchkey and made as quiet
an entry as possible he felt in his
guilty heart that the wife of his bosom
would ask him whole lot of things
which he did not care to detail just at
that time. He was not mistaken. AS
soon as his wife heard him enter the
chamber she knew instinctively that he
was trying to "hold OUT on her and
she asked:
"Where have you been 2"
Now, it wasn't part of his plan TO
tell her where he had been. The idea
was furthest from his mind, SO he tenn
porized.
Now, see here, !" said the husband,
''if you will let me go to sleep and
don't ask me any questions now CT at
any other time about where 1 have
been, I will give you $50 in cash for
yourself. .
This was a poser, and the dHtiful
wife naturally started to reach for the
$50. But feminine curiosity was lit
tie too strong, and she did not at once
acquiesce. The next morning, when she
arose, the first thing that caught her
eye was her husbands coat, with one
sleeve torn out by the roots and hang
ing by thread.
"Why, Will, what is this2" she
asked.
'sThat's loose sleeve, said her hrs-
band.
"Well. how did it get looser' she.
persisted.
''See here, - he said suddenly, ''do
you want to lose that $50? If you do,
just keep asking questions about that
If you want to get it, just let the mat
ter drop
Being wise woman, che let it drop,
but his friends are making bets that
she will first secure the $50 and then
find out some way how that sleeve got
loose. Kansas City World.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
MS life Was Saved

Mr.. E. Lilly. prominent citizen of
Hannibal. Mo-, lately had wonderful
deliverance from frightful death. Iatcll-
ing Of It he says: II was taken with Tv.
phoid Fever. that ran into Preun.oi,ia.
My Lungs became hardened. / was 81
weak couldn't even sit up in bed Moth
ing helped me. expected to soon. die Of
Consumption, when l heard of Dr.. Kings
New Discovery One bottle gave great
relief. continued to use it, and now am
well and strong. can't say too much IN its
praise. This marvellous medicine IS the
surest and quickest cure in the world for
all Throat and Lung Trouble. Regular
sizes 50 cents and &100. Trial bottles free
at Faughan's Pharmacy; every bottle
guaranteed.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
a MIGHTY HARD PROBLEM.
The One of Inventing n Bottle That
Can't BE ReRIled


"I read little interview not long
ngo," said a New Orleans grocer;
with a man who purported to give
some particulars concerning the much
talked Of nonrefllable bottle problem.
He said, among other things, that there
was standing reward Of $40, 600 for a
practical solution, and / had to smile
to note how fable, once set adrift, is
continually vitalized by repetition.
happen to know something about the
bottle question, and I can state posi-
lively and authoritatively that there
has never been a reward of $500 or
any other amount for such a device.
''The Impression probably originated
with circular that was prepared years
ago by convention of northern distill
ers It was designed for the informa-
tion Of inventors and stated briefly and
clearly just what was essential to
practical nonrefllabIe bottle-w what the
working part should be made Of, what
tests it should be able to sustain, what
it should cost in quantity, and SO on. 1
doubt whether there is now copy Of
that circular in existence, but it I'M
questionably gave rise to the story that
the whisky men Of tho country were
hot after bottle that couldn't be re-
filled and had offered an enormous re-
ward for the same.
''The Lord only knows how many
lives have been wrecked by that yarn.
Next to perpetual motion it has been
the great asylum feeder of the mechan-
ieal world. The problem looks easy
enough on the surface and VI ward of
so patents have been taken cut on diff
ferent devices, but none Of them works
under all conditions The favorite
scheme is ball valve which would be
closed automatically by pressure from
above, but it is readily worked by a
wire or an air pump.
cat first the liquor men and makers
of proprietary remedies that were
largely coanterfeited encouraged invest
ors in the line, but after repeated fail
ures they finally came to the conclusion
that the thing couldn't be done and
have given it up altogether. Neverthe-
less the cranks still persevere, and every
now and then one reads Of a new bot
tie that works like a charm. But you
never see them on the shelves, and / |
make bold to say you never will -
New Orleans Times-Dempcrat
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
EPFfOnTE-i Lah.lUE.
Topic For the {.ye;. ucSinning May
z, "PHticnt Coat-:.,:al:ce In Wen
Doins"-Text. Hcm. ii. LII.

"Ye have need cf patience, that after
ye have done the Will Of God ye might
receive the promise. !"
/ Paul had never yet been in Rome,
but had long planned visit to the
great city, A small community OF
Christians was already to be found
there, Most of them were probably
Jews, though some few may have been
converted heather connected with Jew
ish families by ties Of marriage or serv-
ice 1t is possible that some Britons
may have been among the number.
Many of these Christians were known
to the apostle personally or by reputa-
tion. In his letter to the Roman Chris
tians he clearly contrasts the gospel of
Christ with the abominable practices
and beliefs of idolatry. Rome was an
immense city of violent contrasts. A
few mobiles possessed great wealth and
lived in extreme luxury, while the
mass of the people were slaves or in
deep poverty. Licentiousness abounded
in all grades of society, and the worship
of the gods, whose temples were numer-
GUS and costly, exercised no restraint
on vice, but rather seemed to give it
encouragement. Paul declares that
Gods nature and will can be surely
known by His works and that His
wrath against all wrong is clearly
shown. The existing condition of vile
ness among men was due to the disre-
gard of Gods will and dislike for His
service. The result was fearful con-
dition of society, almost too black to be
credited by later ages.
That He did not overstate the i'm
morality of the times is certain from
the writings of the Roman authors of
this period
The remedy for this condition of af-
fairs is found in the salvation offered
by the Christ. Repentance and COM
plete turning from evil, with accept
ance of service for Christ, would bring |
consciousness of pardon for guilt, |
cleansing from the love of the evil for
merly practiced and power to lead a
pure life
The change was to be in feelings and |
thought and in actions. The old habits
would not be broken without earnest
effort. The corrupt surroundings would |
ever be tempting to a return to the
former practices and associations. Pa
tienceSpatient continuance in well do
ing-was absolutely necessary if one
was to obtain the promised glory and
eternal, blessed life
One must keep the inner spirit from
irritable passion and impatience, and
must do the good deeds. must practice
over and over again acts of kindness,
self restraint and self denial, till the
habits of life become fixed in the mold
If righteousness and shaped after the
pattern of godliness.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
No Right To Holiness

The woman who is lovely in face, form
and temper will always have friends. but
one who wouhi he attractive must keep her
health lfsie is weak, sickly and all run
down, she viii he nervous and irritable.
Ifshe has constipation or kidney trouble,
her impure blood will cause pimples,
blotches. skin eruptions ard wretched
complexion. Electric Bitters is the best
medicine in tie world to regulate stomach.
liver and K idneys and TO purify the blood
# gives strong nerves bright eyes. smooth.
yeiFety skin. rich complexion. It Will
make good locking, charming woman Of
rundown invalid Only so cents AZ
Vaughan,s Pharmacy.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
CHRISTIAN ENDEAvoR.

Topic For the Week Beginning MAJ
7-Cornment by Rev. s. HI. Doyle.
ToP1C.-Patient continuance in well doing
| Rom. ii, Ill.
In this passage Paul points out Il
the Jews the fact that they need moi
hope to escape Gods Judgment simply
because they are Jews In Judgment he
declares that God is no respecter of per.
sons, but ''renders to every man &C.
cording to his deeds; to them who by
patient continuance in well doing seek
for glory and honor and Immortality,
eternal life; but unto them that are
contentious and do not obey the truth,
but obey unrighteousness indignation
and wrath, tribulation and anguish,
upon every soul of man that doeth evil
OF the Jew first and also of the GENTLE I"
There are many discouragements to
patient continuance in well doing.
Difficulties are constantly putting them
selves in our way. In tAo FIRST enthusi-
asm of our faith it is easy to meet and
overcome them, but as our religion be-
comes more of an accustomed thing with
US it is not SO easy to do so Those for
whom we labor are often uEgrateful,
and forgetting for time that we are
laboring primarily for Him who died
for US we become faint hearted and
wearied. Results are cftla not as ap-
parent as we think they si.uc II be. The
master builder is encouraged by seeing
his building constantly growing. the
artist joys to see his picture developing
before him, but he who la3ors in spir-
itual spheres very often has not the en-
couragement of apparent results and
this is discouraging. These and other
things are thorns in the flesh of con-
tinuance in well doing, and specially
SO in patient continuance
But there are also encouragements to
even patient continuance in well do
ing. The greatest of these is the assur-
ance of the reward for our patient con-
tinuance. Eternal life Paul here declares
to be the reward, and since it is a
gift of God it is positively assured to
us. "In due season we shall reap if we
faint not" Due season is God s season,
and we may safely leave the time with
God, knowing for certainty that in
His time and in His way the reward is |
sure to come.
This fact should be great inspira-
ton to patient continuance in well do |
ing. All depends upon it. The race is |
never won until the goal is reached. |
To begin well, to run well for a time
and then to drop out means to fail
Faithful to death" should be our
for it is unto those who are
faithful unto death that crown of life
Is promised. That crown is also at
1eath. Here the cross, yonder the
;rown; here the church militant, yon-
Ter the church triumphant "Be thou
aithful unto death"
Bible Readinga-EccL ix, 10; lisa.
L, 1881; Math. XIV, 31-46; John ix,
/; xv, 16; Rom. v, 1-5; xii, II; Cor.
> 81; XIV, So; Gal iii, 1-10; Col iii,
z; II Thess. iii, 15; Heb. vi. 1915;
Rev, ii. 10.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
uU KING ENG.

sician. 1t became necessary for her to
leave home and native land, cross the
ocean and spend several years among q
people of strange language in foreign
country to fit herself for the work. She
studied at the university in Delaware,
O.. and after thorough course in
medicine has returned to her native
city of Fuchau, China. Here she has
charge of the hospital of the Woman's
Foreign Missionary society and in med
ical practice and teaching others of her
people the healing art is efficiently help
ing the cause of the Great Healer, who
in His earthly life found way to reach
many souls by curing their bodies.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
reflections Of an old Maid

Anything worth doing in this world is
hard TO do.
Hope paints beautiful pictures and Act
uality puts knife through the canvas.
In some cases even matrimony Is not an
absolute cure for old maidishness.
There is nothing so irritating as the con-
stitutional patiencs of intolerabiy good
natufed people
The energy which some expend to make
the burden Of idleness bearabIe would &C.
complish a good deal for work.
He who says he longs for death has need
Of larger intellectual, emotional or physi.
cal vitality. In word, be really longs for
life.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
The F1ne ON the wall

The Troy Times tells of visitor al
a public school, who, being requested
to address the pupils, spoke of the
necessity of obeying their teacher and
growing up to be useful, loyal and
patriotic citizens.
To emphasize his remarks, he pointed
to large national flag that almost COW
cred one end of the room, and said,
Snow, boys, who can tell me what that
flag is there for9''
One little fellow, who understood the
condition of the room better than the
speaker, replied:
81 know, sir. It's to hide the dirt. .
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
cyster shc,Is as Medicina

Ground oyster shells were given by
me me*tseYal doctors to children suffer
la.E fToA' r:e-.ats and scrofula. Now it
;'i'so''iS tlat they were right. The shells
cc&+a':l i.lue, nitrogen. iron. sulphur,
ie2i1::ss.; noaa, rlagnesia, flour. bromide,
la.asrh2ric acid and iodine. all excellent
II tssbie children. They say that if
groTins children were to take pow
der,i} tysscr shells in their food the teeth
N.u4il be imnroYed
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
Thomas GRAY.

Gray kept the elegy by him for
nine years before he gave it to the
world. He polished away at it all those
years as lapidary polishes gem. and
the result was he made it's gem. In his
whole life he wrote comparatively lit
tie, and when asked why he had written
10 little he replied: because of the
exertion it costs in the labor of compo-
Lition. =
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
Volcanic FrnnfInns

Are grand. but Skin Erupiions rob life
OF joy. Bucklen'sArpica salye. cures them;
also Old, Running and Fever Sores, Ulcers,
Boils, Felons. Corns, Warts. Cuts, Bruises,
Burns scalds, Charred Hands, chilblains.
Best Pile cure or arth. Dives our Pains
aud Aches Only % cts. box. Cure
guaranteed. Sold at Vsugllsli's Pharmacy.
yhai makes ron sss MebeI's husband
Is weak -inindesl2
Well they've bees married two years
aVld he wApid Tasa,er stay az hoiae with her
Iisl Tie evening than do anything else on
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
The Supreme Test.

fYou are all right. said the doctor
after he had gone through with the
regulation humping and listening with
his patient "Not trace of heart dis
ease. Fifteen dollars, pleased"
The patient drew long breath and
remarked; Il am sure now have no
heart disease. If had. should have
dropped dead when you mentioned your
fee. Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06

Too ExPENs1vE.-A Boston man who was
beguiled by friend into visiting a cheap
lunch counter, says it is too expensive
place for him.
First they ordered a cocktail and some
baked beans. Then they had another
cocktail and some potato salad. Then,
still being hungry. they had a third cock
tail and sandwich. Then five acquaintr
ances came in and everybody bought two
rounds of drinks for everybody else.
When the Boston man went back to his
office he was still hungry, and his pocket
was empty. Now he says first class res
taurants are cheap enough for him.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
The difference.

Many appear outwardly righteous be-
fore men. They are honest, upright, in
huential respected, cultured and many
OF them wealthy, but when externals
are removed and the secrets. of the
heart are known it shall be found that
interioriy one belongs in the heavens,
the other in the Intervals. ''One shall
be taken, and the other left. Rev. E.
d. Daniels in Helper.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
PHOTOGRAPHIC,

The celebrated Cyclone Cameras are being
used by amateurs and professionals all over
the civilized world. The most compact
and least complicated of any in the market.
a child can operate them. Plain and
Complete Instructions go with each Camera.
Size of pictures 24x23 up to SKI. Price $3.50
up. Nothing on earth will give you or
friend to whom presented more pleasure
than one of these Cameras. Write for Illus
trated Catalogue with full descriptions.
Prices &c.
Marsh Mfg, Co., 542 W. Lake ST. Chicago.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
The windows of the sou1.

They have very little in this world,
but great deal in the next. They take
short views Of this life. but long views
OF the life to come. They have the
mack of setting open the windows of
their souls for the Sun of Righteousness
to stream in.-Theodore L. Cuyler,
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
safe.

Johnny, are yoar people going to
take you with item on that trip across
the ecean2'2
stYos' II.
Aren't you afraidH'
"Nome. Amt afraid of nothin. I've
Eeen vaccinated an baptized. ."-Chica-
tu Tribune.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
Gestures versus rhought.

The orator who makes gestures SO
waving and graceful that attention is
called to them will often excite admi-
ration. But, commonly. there will be a
corresponding decrease IN the hearers
estimate of the orator as thinker and
. truth teller. y Christian Register.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06

Il don't think" growled General Weyler,
that my ability as prophet is recognized
as it should be-"
Whats the matter, General2"
Well, didn't predict that Cuba would
eventually be pacifedP"
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
Hu king Enu.

Chinese character is proverbial for its
quality of patient application and un-
complaining endurance. A good exam
pie Of it is found in Miss Hu of Fu-
chau. Trained in the mission school of
our church in that city, she, while
quite young. decided to devote her life
to helping her countrywomen as ply
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06
Sc-cr ut c;ou-t.

'Goantess Blumpif was never pre-
fentG,i at coart. was she T.
"NG isgr lawyer managed to secure
ii.e di5orce from the worthless fellow
without il" = Philadelphia North
A1aerican.
Miners it is said, marry at an earlier
80 tan any other ciess Of eoeiety. Fol
owing tkeTu, in due order. come aTti-
sir-. laborara. clerks, shoaksepel4 ind
;,.-a:ers.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06

Miss Chief-My! but you're quiet, Mr..
Mush don't suppose you have ever been
in ladies' company very much?
Mr.. Mush-Just the opposite. I was
raised by my grandmother and two aunts.
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06

Kitty-O, pa! how much beer would it
take to dye all my dollies' frocks red2
Pa-Beer? Why, you can't dye things
with beer, child!
Kitty-O, but Pm sure heard ma saw it
was beer that made your nose so red, pol
Middletown transcript., 1899-05-06

True Independence never merges into
Isolation but gladly welcomes every aid
from every source-not in servile and in
dolent subsection. but asf the growing piant
welcomes the warm sun and the refreshing
rsin by which It is to gain in strength, II
beauty, and la frnitfulness.,