Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1899-07-08

Griggs-We human beings are
curious things anyway.
Wiggs-What's struck you now?
Griggs-Why when were 80 we like
| to be taken for 40. and when we get
up to so or 80. we tell everybody were
| 100.-Brooklyn Life.
II am sorry to hear report that
| Snuggleworth got disgracefuly drunk
while he was east
1T is true. He was so drunk that
the streets of Boston seemed straight
! to him. Chicago Tribune.
What do you think. Dorothy, Mar
! jorie Jones has quit golf and gone
| back TO tennis
| THE idea. That girl will be caught
playing croquet yet."-Chicago Record.
Don't you think applause is out of
| place in church?
Decidedly. Just think if the preacher
should interpret it as an encore
Brooklyn Life.
''Thinkest thou" asked the actor
! captain, We can storm yonder build
| ings the enemy occupies"
You ought to- said the orderly,
its only a barn.'-Chicago Post.
First Undertaker-Busy?
Second rtaker-Rushed to death.
Judge.
Selfishness personified. Jones: Go
ing to send your wife to the seaside
this season." Galley: mo; can't af-
ford it," Jones: why, she isn't ex-
travagant. is she?'' Galley: Not the
least; but last year. while she was
in, 7
Professor-"This eccentricity you
speak of in your daughter, isn't it,
after all, a matter of heredity?' The
| Mother (severely)--'No, sir, I'd have
you to know. sir. there never was any
heredity in our fam -Tit-Bits.
a Good EXcuso-~They say Russell
Sage's income is more than $40 a min
ute. well, if that's the case. you
can hardly blame the old man for not
wanting to stop for meals''-Chicago
Times-Herald.
The Needy One--"Oh! Oh. sir, please
give me job! My family is starving.
and l hain't had job since the snow
shovelling last january" Tammany
Boss-"Well, great Scott. man. You
don't suppose Crollers going to have it
showing the year round, just to please
you do you?'-Pe,ck.
II am not at All certain said the
iiather; that my daughter loves you suf-
TO your keeping for that" We'll" re-
pl!ed the young man. ''perhaps You
haven had the Same advantages for OBJ
serving things as l ave."-Philadelphia
North American.
Haven't you and your friend got
through that argument yet?''
LII isn't any argument" answered the
n ,nra,,i aiii, mar resentfulIy. Il am
ana ne Is 50 obt,se that he can't under
stand. "-Washint:ton Star
u believe we are all ready said the
young man who was about to ofiiciate
ment." replied the clergyman, rising
Chicago Tribune.
Knew Better Already.-Twelve-Ye Year
ia \, Mss S.. think ! will skip my thir-
+o alsitor-"liow will you do it? Be four
Twelve Year-Old Miss (sagely)-"No. |
'iiii'N IL go mack to eleven!'-Puck.
rc MIS- ELI aIJi il. is the noise in the
the parson rthearsing the sermon for to-
morrow Mrs Fijjit-"Oh. | see; prac.
ticins what he breaches. It'd
Mrs De Fine-"Here's my new bonnet
lsn IL darling? Only twenty-eie hi
Gollars: Mr.. De Fine-"Great Snakes !,
You SAID hnnnets could be bought at from
three dollars up" Mrs. De Fine-"Yes.
dear This is one of the ups N. Y.
His Theory.-"Yes." said the old fisher
man. man. who was taking out the partX
there's lots of people go fishin' ar they
don't catch much fish. but l think they're
the means of other people catchin' lots Of
fish"
How is that?" asked one Of the party
We'll. the fish get used to bitin' III
hooks an not gertin' caught that they
get careless and people that know how
to fish land EN-
Way Off the Track.-Ethel-"Has he
limited at matrimony yet?"