davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20
He DitIn't Need II.

Could the funny sayings and incl
dents at the tenants dinners in Scot
land be collected they would make an
unrivaled book of humor Mistakes Of
amusing and sometimes embarrassing
nature occur frequently at such func-
tons One story is told of guest at
Scottish tenants dinner who tasted ice
cream for the first time on that occa-
sion. He pushed large spoonful of the
frozen mixture into his mouth and
jumped from his chair with agony ex-
pressed on his face. He let out a yell
and cried out, SOW, ow, ma rotten
tooth !" and could not be induced to eat
any more.
At another Scottish affair of the kind
the hostess. She served him a bit Of
savory omelet which seemed to cause
the old man deep disappointment His
idea of an omelct had always been
dessert with sugar, or fruit or jams,
and after tasting the sample before him
he turned TO the hostess and said,
"Weel, ma lady, | Gamma compliment
you on your puddin's. ."
The late Duke of Buccleuch told a
story of tenant at one of the farmers
dinners on his estates who was asked
by the duchess if he would take some
rhubarb, dish she was fond of. The
farmer was surprised, but answered
politely. I'm muckle obleeged to your
grace, but / dinna need it. ="
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20
Lincoln Lake.

Our Lincoln Lake store keeper buys
butter and eggs.
Lizzie Sturgis has gone to John
Payne's to work.
Abbie Mooney has gone to John
Guilfoyl's to work.
Carl Potter is driving grocery wagon
for Joe Cornelious.
Edna Newland is home again after
working two weeks in Oakfield.
Schools commences here Monday
with Libbie Doyle OF Ada, as teacher.
Mrs. Chas. Westbrook and children
of Six Lakes, visited friends in
Spencer last week
j. G. Berry and Lizzie Sturgis, Earl
Potter and Edna Newland visited at
Frank Smiths Sunday.
John Banks OF Greenville moved the
school hobse last week. The ground
where the house stood to be used for a
cemetery.
There was a farewell party given to
Frank Smith and wife Tuesday night.
They are going to move on farm
near Greenville.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20

Jesse Fletcher respected and hon
ored citizen and farmer died Wednes-
day, April 5, 1899. Mr.. Fletcher was
born in ST. Lawrence Co., in the state
of New York, on the Eth of December,
1882, where he lived until 1874 when
he came to Michigan with his parents.
On the 18th OF October, 1862 he was
united in marriage to Miss Isabel
Crawford. Three children were born
to them, two boys and one girl, all OF
whom are living. In the year 1879 he
removed from Lowell TO their present
home in Oakfield where they have
lived ever since until the fire which
left them homeless and probably
fastened Mr.. Fletcher's death. The
doubly breaved family have the sin
cerest sympathy OF their neighbors
and friends.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20
ROUND ABOUT U.s..
I'm by the Banners STAFF Of Special
Correspondents.


A. b. Grant was in Bedding Sunday.
Ada Weaver Sundayed with her peo-
pie OF Easton.
A. M. Richardson, OF Portland was in
town Monday.
John Longan and family Sundayed
at II. Eckert's.
Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Ostrum went to
Grand Rapids Monday.
Walter Lambertson of Belding Sun
dayed with his parents.
Mr.. Utter and family have moved
onto their farm near Harrison.
Mr.. and Mrs. Geo. Hoyt visited rela-
tives of Greenville Wednesday.
Mrs. Nj. A. Coleman, of Greenville
visited at o. Purdy's part OF last
week.
Mr.. Barlow of Bedding is here build
ing the wall for f. +. lannon's tenant
house.
Will Cobb and wife and Mrs. w.
Wiley of Bedding Sundayed at Milton
Holcomb's
Mrs. Chas. Thayer gave tea party
for her granddaug Bessie of Fen
wick, Saturday.
Mrs. l.. L. Holmes, Mrs. Geo. Rose
Welt and Mrs. Chas. Beck of Belding
visited friends in this place Friday.
The Ladies Aid Society met with
Mrs. f. p. Hamman last Thursday, %
being present and all enjoyed the
meeting and dinner.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20
(,rattan.

Sheep shearing has commenced.
Aonzo Clemens is better although
his age was against him.
Mrs. John Ashley is reported better
Her case was very doubtful. A coun-
sci of doctors was held with good re-
suits.
The spring term Of school in the
Lessiter district began Monday with
nine pupils. Miss Jennie Norton,
teacher.
Under the skillful treatment of DIR.
G. Nj. Spencer Mrs. Phebe Fuller is
fast recovering. Her case was most
serious as her age is over 50 years.
Bert Partridge, who went from Graf
tan to attend the Ferris school and has
had long fight with typhoid, is home
once more. His parents having in the
meantime settled on the Neil Stewart
farm in Oakfield. DR.. Spencer was
among the friends who have visited
him.
The Grattan Base Ball Club reorga-
nized April 10. Officers: Manager,
SGeorge Written; Captain, WI Lessi-
ter. The team is composed OF all OF
last years players and is prepared to
meet all corners. Grattan claims the
amateur championship OF Kent county
for 1898
The remains of a young daughter OF
Mr. and Mrs. James Doran, of Grand
Rapids, were brought TO the Grattan
Catholic cemetery for burial Monday.
The child died of spinal meningitis
and was a grandchild of Mrs. John
Byrne, whose youngest son, Lossie, is
very sick with the same disease,
although reported better.
The Bachelor Maids Club met with
Miss Sarah Clemens Tuesday, April IL.
After the president called the meeting
to order roll was called finding nine
bachelor girls present, viz: Misses
Floy Ramsdell, Bessie Pond, Kittie
Matice, Kittie Randel Gertrude Stay
ton, Sarah Clemens, Dorothy Delzell,
Mildred Randel and limo Woodward.
After going through the regular order
of business the meeting was closed for
refreshments. The next meeting will
be held with Miss Mildred Randel,
April 26.
The pleasant home of Mr.. and Mrs.
X. A. Weeks was filled with friends
April II, the occasion being the we'd
ding festivities of their daughter Miss
Kitty, who was united in marriage
with Owen j. Byrne that morning by
Rev. Fr. Byrne at the Catholic church.
The dinner was simply immense and
many of the young people partook of
supper later on. The presents were
too numerous for description consisting
of chairs, silverware in variety, table
linen. towels, sets in cut glass, and tot
let sets complete, over thirty dollars
in cash with many other useful arti-
cles. Their new home is at Grand
Rapids and may our Father add the
great gift OF happiness to this union so
happily begun.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20

General Benjamin L. Butler was one
of commission to examine young APP
plicants for admission to the bar, and
before him came a youth who failed
miserably on all that pertained to juris-
prudence, case law. civil law. sumptu-
airy law. unwritten law and due process
of law. Finally Batter, who rather liked
the chap and wanted to see him
through, asked "Whnt would You like
to be examined inY You have failed in
everything we have suggested
The reply came, TRY me on the
statutes; I'm up on them.
Butler shook his head solemnly my
young friend. he said, "I'm afraid
you won { do. You may be ever so ia
miliar with the statutes. but what is
TO prevent fool legislature from re-
pealing all you know =
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20

Hicks appreciated the shrewd as well
as the humorous sayings of the Cornish
country folk. There dwelt not far from
his abode dairywoman and her hus-
band who had begun life in very
small way with one COW, and who. by
industry and thrift, had acquired quite
a number
"How is it, said Hicks to her one
day, THAT You have got on so well,
Mrs. p. 7"
"Well, you see Mr.. Hicks. she re-
Piled. "most people be allus thinking
OF what they do want but / and my
old man. we be allus thinking of what
we can do without. -
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20

No street in the world is more plas-
tered with advertising than Broadway,
New York. Even to those recognizing
that fact the amount does not appear
startling until it is put into figures
The combined length of the two sides Of
Broadway from the Battery to Central
park is SO, 800 feet. The amount of adj
vertising on the buildings and in shop
windows is such that it would take a
man between eight and ten days Of
eight hours each to read his way up one
side and down the other.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20
Taking m Walk.

Justice-What have you to say in an
swer to the charge Of stealing this
man 8 plank walk2
The Accused took it by advice Of
my physician, yer honor. He told me
to take a long walk every day. This
was the first long walk / saw today, and
OF course took it. A man can't afford
to employ doctor unless he takes his
advice.
Justice-The court, however, will
give you advice for nothing three
months rest. You will take it in the
house of correction. Boston Tran
scriDt
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20
To the public.

We are authorized to guarantee
every bottle OF Chamberlain's Cough
Remedy and IL not satisfactory to re.
fund the money to the purchaser.
There is no better medicine made for
la grippe, colds and whooping cough.
Price, 25 and SOC per bottle. Try 1t,
Fisk Bangs, druggist.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20
To Cure LaGrippe In "a Hours.

No remedy equals Warmers White
Wine OF Tar Syrup for this terrible and
fatal disease. If taken thoroughly and
in time, IL will cure case In "A hours,
and for the cough that follows la grippe
il never fails to give relief Price.
25c and soc.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20


Weekly Tribun which enables
furnish both papers at the thng cost Of 81 % per
visger himself family
community which he lives cordial Of his local newspaper as
his
home all the and happenings his the dngs his
fact weekly visitor which should be found in every wide
awake progressive family
Both of these for only 81 rs
Send all subscriptions to THE BANNER Bedding, Mich.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20

what would you say" asked the
fair theosophist, 'if l should tell you
that | was born in Egypt 5000 years
agof'
why, | should certainly say you
don t look it. Brooklyn Life.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20

1t is asserted that women are on the
whole cooler and more self possessed
than men in cases of disasters at sea.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20

''There is more to be learnt from a
prudent mans actions than from the
reasons he or anyone else can give for
them.-F. A. Pollock.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20

Korea is exactly the size of Kansas.
81. 900 square miles
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-04-20
NEARLY
Fifty.eight Years Old!

It's IA long life, but devotion to the true
interests and prosperity OF the American
People has won for ii new friends as the
years rolled by and the original members
OF its family passed TO their reward, and
these admirers are loyal and steadfast
TO day, with faith in its teachings, and
onfidence in the information which IL
brings to their homes and firesides.
AS natural consequence 1t enjoys in
its youth, strengthened and ripened by
the experiences OF over half century.
II has lived on its merits, and on the
cordial support OF progressive Americans.
1t is THE New-York Weekly Tribune"
acknowledged the country over as the
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15
SENSE OF HUMOR.

l have met men who could not get through the duel scene in The Rivals, CT the trial scene in Pickwick
 but whose lungs would crow like Chanticleer if ones hat was blown away, or one dr1tlped ones umbrella in the mud. l have heard men tell the C-eary ta.e hCw a cobbler, reading the motto, Mems sibi conscia recti,'' over rivals door, offered to the public. Mems and women's slbi conscia recti." I have been myself accused of having no sense of hum0r because submitted that that was a dismal at tempt at humor and most tragical mirth-" 1 have met men and women Out more nlen) who could see no hu- nor in Lewis Carroll or in Edward Lear. l cannot see the slightest req son for ascribing to women an inferior appreciation of humor. On the ether hand, am inclined to believe that in the highest kind Of humor in English literature a woman occupies a very prominent position indeed From the C0rnhill.
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15
wAsH1NGroN's LITTLE SCANDAL
It Involves One of the Prominent Wo-
 men in the Diplomatic Corps.

The upper crust of Washington SO ciety is just now agitated by a little sensation. It is a trifiing matter, tc be sure, but it involves a mystery and the good name of one of the prominent women of the diplomatic corps. Last
 winter several women who gave fine dinners and luncheons missed dcylies Some of them were of expensive em- brcidery, others of rich lace, and while they are little, useless orEa- ments, a set represents good deal of money. and tC lose one of set is to make others practically useless, as everybody knows. It is common at state dinners to call in caterers, who provide the table attendants, and many . serious consultation took place between fashionable caterers and hes i pitabla women over the disappearance of these doylies, which, of course, was charged to the servants. Finally the l leading caterer of the capital called the attention cf one of the cabinet la dies to 3 singular coincidence.
 Dcylies had bean missed at every one of half dozen dinners and lunch cons he had served where the wife of a certain foreign minister had been a
 
 when she was not present It was startling suggestion that would not do to repeat. The woman might be a kleptoEaniac, but to accuse her of stealing would cause international complications for which nobody cared to assume the responsibility. The ca terers whose walters had been accused held a conference. They decided among themselves that the woman re- ferred to was guilty, but dared net ac- cuse her even tC exculpate themselves; so they devised a novel scheme, and when they found her name on a din ner card they removed the valuable dOyly from her plate at the table and substituted one of those cheap paper affairs that you find in the restaurants The ruse was successful. There was no more complaint.
 Three or four months passed by. The incident was almost forgotten, when a matrOnly woman, evidently of Irish blood, who declined to give her name, called at the residences Of the vice president, several members of the cabinet and diplomatic corps and at private houses where the upper cut are frequently entertained. and ir- Quired if the lady of the house had missed any of her doylies last winter. If so, would she kindly get the pat tern? When a sample Wns brought the mysterious visitor retired into a corner, with an apology, and pretty soon handed back the sample with the missing piece of lace or embroidery In this way nearly all the missing doy- lies have been returned without any further explanation, although the gen eral understanding is that their recov- cry is due to the confessional of the Catholic church.-From a Washington
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15

nix for the products of the
 Back Warrior, the Old Dominion, the
 United Globe and other properties
 which are making Globe famous the
 country over. The assurance is given
 that corps Of surveyors will soon lay
 out the route and that work will be-
 gin on the railroad as soon as the
 necessary prelfminaries can be ad- justed. Some of the capitalists who are to be interested in the undertak- ing are now in Europe and some time must necessarily elspse before they
 can receive the report of the gentle
 men who have been examining the fed That the road will be com pleted this year appears to be certain.
 The Republican has frequently di- rected attention to the necessity of quick communication between PhCe- nix and the Globe district. There is a rich country which can be made val uable to the merchants of this town. It is gratifying to know also that the toll road projected some time ago will be completed in the near future. Only q few miles remain to be built, and the capitalists from Philadelphia who have become interested at Globe think it advisable to put this road in opera ton regardless of the railway. The news will be nest agreeable to Phoe- nix merchants and to ali who are in terested in the welfare of the terri tory. Arizona is coming to the front in most satisfactory way. The rest of the country will soon be watching our progress with wide cp2n eyes
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15
PHGNIx, JUNE1s. 1899.
AS TO ADVERTISING.

The most expensive of all ad- vertising is that gotten out with the sole view of cheapness.- Agricultural Advertising.
 Advertising in The Republican is not cheap, viewed from the standpoint of rates offered by other papers in Arizona. The Republicans rates are two to three times higher than those of any other Arizona newspaper. But from the standpoint of cir culation-the true standpoint, by the way-The Republican s rates are lower than those of newspapers elsewhere with cir cu1aticns smaller than The Re publican's. The wide awake merchants of the Salt River valley who advertise in The Republican know that it is not expensive advertising.
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15
THE BOUNDARY DISPUTE.

The dispute between Canada and the United States over the Alaskan boun- diary line is based upon the interpre- tation of the treaty between Canada and Russia in 1925. We acquired Alaska from Russia and assumed that we were tc receive and that we did receive exactly the same territory Rus sia had held as her own. But Canada | inclines to the belief that while Rus sia's territorial rights stood without question for nearly fifty years we are not to enjoy those same rights now | that We have the territory.
 We acquired Alaska in 1867. After a lapse of several years Canada disccv- cred that it was net satisfied with the old treaty of 1925 and for years the boundary question has created more or less diplomatic contention. Since the recent discovery that Alaska was rich in god the Canadians have more than ever hankered to hay the boun- dary line determined according to their own interpretat ion
 It is not such d vital matter, al though some of the territory that Canada wants on her side of the boundary posts is supposed to be rich in gold. The United States, however, insists upon having that for which we paid thirtytwc years ago. Like all such questions neither side at interest wavers in maintaining it's position. Canada has shown a disposition to be a trifie "huffy' over the matter, but the United States simply hews to the line. It is just now an instance of an immovable body being charged by an irresistible force. Of course there will be final settlement and both coun- tries will be satisfied IL may be that if the pinch comes a litt-e session of arbitratOrs will settle the dispute and whichever country wins the other will have to be satisfied. The contention is all right, and the boundary should be determined definitely in view of the growing value of and tha increased interest in Alaska.
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15
SINCERITY vs. DEMOCRACY.

The criticism, by Missouri demo- cratic organs, that Governor Roosevelt wishes to have a state board fix the taxation of franchise owning corpora tions 10 protect them frCm local as sessments tc protect them from local assessments is rather queer Tn Mis- souri the railways. including street car lines, are net assessed by the local authorities, but by the state board Of equalization, and the cities and coun- ties arc paid their share of this rev. enue by the state. The difference is that Governor Roosevelt wishes to tax franchises and the Missouri assembly does nct.-Kansas City Star.
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15
A GOOD ROADS ARGUMENT.


 It is proposed to have an interna-
 tional automobile road race from Chi cago to New York The prospective i contestants are a Frenchman who has
 achieved distinction in this new sport
 in the vicinity of Paris and an Amer ican who recently ran one of these ve- l hicles from Cleveland to New York
 within schedule time The American hopes to secure the race for this ooun-
 try, fer the reason, he declares of calling attention more forcibly than
 ever to the sad state of the American
 roads, in order to awaken public in-
 tercst in this important department of
 reform. It is to be hoped that be may
 succeed. Judging from present evil
 dences the auto-car Of one pattern or
 another is a coming feature of the
 modern mans means of transporta-
 tion. It is already in considerable use
 in the large cities for cab service and
 in few instances for private use. It
 is believed that with a very few inn
 prcvements it can be made readily
 available for road running, in which
 case it will afford a most pleasurable
 means Of individual travel about the
 country. But this end can never be attained in this country until more in
 telligent attention is directed to the road problem. The department of az riculture is doing an admirable work in seeking to educate the farmers to the |Joint of appreciating the commer- cial value of fine highways. The vari- GUS experiment stations are construct ing sample roads and demonstrating 1 that the difference between mud-rut 1 and a smooth, compact hauling sur face means a difference between loss and profit in the transportation Of | farm produce to market. But the | course of this propaganda is slow in comparison with the necessities of the case. There is vast deal of ground | to be covered and many stubborn and much dense ignorance to be ove1 come. The wheeImen are for a marked improve ment in several lines of travel The entrance of the automobile as a fac tor for good roads, is to be heartily This new vehicle appeals for the present chiefly to men of It will doubtless arouse inter a3t among citizens who have had no part in the bicycle development of the past few years, and who are not in position otherwise to realize the agci- cultural necessities in regard to good roads. The general use of auto mobiles by this class of citizens will thus supplement- inc other factors for highway improvement which have been steadf2stly laboring of late and nay result in such legislation as will advance the prospect Of the good time to cone when it will be pos 'ib-e to cris- cross the maps of all the ;tfI-es with lines Of such thorough 'ares as are today to be found in abun- lance in Europe. The spectacle of an road race will attract f Tery general attention. The least de- | ails of the enterprise will be noted md minutely discussed in hundreds of thousands Of homes. The atrocious Cndition of the American highways { n general will thus be brought pain , ully to attention, necessitating such ! comparisons with foreign | onditions as may result in action all : long the line. '
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15

Governor Benton McMiIlin of Ten nessee, isn't satisfied with Thomas B. Reeds reasons for retiring from the speakership. Nevertheless, while Mir. McMillin was in congress he would have been delighted with MT Reeds retirement for any old reason.
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15

Altgeld is now the general manager, advance agent and confidential adviser of the Bryan boom. With the addition of an undertaking outfit MT. A1tgeld would be an up-to-date political de- partment store, ready for all the emer- gencies likely to happen within the next two years.
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15

Colonel Figueroa of the Cuban in- surgent army denounces the American offer of $3,0OO, 900 to the troops on con- dition that they shall disarma an in rators in the case were tI1e Americans themselves, it Is to be feared that Colonel Figueroa is, projecting conver- sation through his ehapeau.
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15

After thinking the matter over the Kansas pcpuiists have repudiated Gen eral Fred Funston, the fighting hero of the Philippines. As the general had already repudiated them, their ac- tion is somewhat in the nature of rec iurOcify
Arizona republican., 1899-06-15

Canada's principal trouble with re- gard to the Alaska boundary dispute is a gluttcnous desire to annex a strip of territory which belongs solely to the United States. The dominion govern ment ought to take treatment for this disorder