Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1899-07-07

would you say honest politics is,'
Dr. 'areT" "1s,' of course. Honest
politics is always singular. INDIAN
apolis Journal.
$50 old Yabsley is dead, Ell? Well,
well! Did he leave anything?' Yes.
1t broke his heart to do it, but he left
everything. Tit Bits.
Vera Goodheart-Mrs. Won Tauk is a
great social light, isn't she? Ida
Nownce-Well rather! Regular Four
Hundred andal-power.-Life.
Mrs. Captain Braggington-My hus.
band won renown on the tented field
Sally Gay-Why, 1 didn't know he had
ever travelled with circus!-Puck.
In 1900: Teacher-Willie, tell the
class about the battle of San Juan.
Willie Up-to-Date-Whose story do you
want-Shafter's or Davis brooklyn
Life.
Biggs-I once wrote for Sribbler's
Magazine. Boggs-Did you? Biggs-
Yes; but they refused to send it to me
unless paid my subscription In ad-
vance.-Ex.
McFingle-Poor Broome! He's gone
over to the silent majority. McFangle
-Why-I-when did he's he deadi
McFingle-Well, no; but he's married.
-Tit-Bits.
'Some day." said the high-browed
young man, Il expect to have the
world at my feet" what have you
been doing all this time," snarled the
cynic; walking on your hands ?"-
Washington Star.
Mallaby-Bragleigh boasts that no
living man could forge his name sue
cessfully to check and get it cashed.
Has he such a very peculiar signaturei
Homans-No; but he hasn't any money
in the bank.-Tit-Bits
Dobbs-There's a man who shaves
several times a day. Wiggin-You
don't mean it? Should think there'd
be nothing left of his face. Dobbs-
1t doesn't hurt his face at all. He ia
barber.-Harlem Life.
ST should like to know when you are
going to spay that bill. can't come
here every day in the week." "What
day would suit you best?" "Satur-
day" "Very well, then, you can call
every Saturday.
Schoolmaster-So, then, the reptile is
creature which does not stand on
feet, and moves along by crawling on
the ground. Can any one Of you boys
name me such a creature? johnny
Please, sir, my baby brother.-Tit-Bits.
Colonel, you swear positively that
your regiment never received a pound
Of embalmed beef in Cuba. How is it
possible for you to be so absolutely
certainY Because my regiment never
got farther than Tampa, sir."-Detro1t
Free Press.
'Theys to be some kind Of musical
doin's at our church next Wednesday
night I've forgot what they call it."
'Mebby it's recital" mo; recitals Is
for pianos. Our church has got an or
gan. guess it's an orgy they're goin'
to have."- Exchange.
Papa-See the spider, my boy, spin,
ming his web. Is it not wonderful
Do you reject, try as he may, no man
could spin that web? Johnny-What OF
it2 See me spin this top! Do you re-
feet that, try as he may, no spider
could spin this top?-Household Words
Would-be Swells at the Opera: First
Swell pretending to mistake for
hn
In dress clothes at the cloak-room or
the theater)-Ah! have you program!
Second Swell (up to snuff)-Thanks,
nv man, l got one from the other fel-
Low.-Exchange.
Johnny" said a teacher to a South
side groceryman's 6-year-old, "a lie can
be acted as we'll as told. Now, II your
father would put sand in his sugar and
sell it he would be acting lie and do
Ing very wrong" That's what moth
nr told him. said Johnny, impetuous-
y. "and he said he didn't care
Columbus Journal.
otis hard to be happy, once you've
got a reputation for saying sarcastic
things" remarked the sad-eyed man.
whats the troubleY give lost an
other friend. l complimented him on
being the most cool-headed person
ever saw. He took it as an allusion
to the fact that he is totally bald"
Washington Star.
Inventor-I've hit money-making
thing at last. The preachers will go
wild over it, and it will sell like hot
cakes. It's church contribution box.
Friend-What good is that? Inventor
It's triumph. The coins fall through
slots of different sizes, and half-crowns,
shillings and sixpences land on velvet;
but the pennies and half-pennies drop
on to Chinese gong.-Tit-Bits.
The Lady-Pl give you good meal
If you will cut up some Of that wood.
The Tramp-Sorry, but I can't accom-
modate you, madam. The Lady-Too
lazy to work, 1 suppose? The Tramp
Not that, madam, not that. would
be false to my trust You see, Pm a