Little Falls herald. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1889-1950, 1899-09-15
AS SEEN BY A GHOST.

b and sat down on the Nest uncomfortable
chair in the room. 1t was Just his way. ]
had grown tired of of;er;r.: him the big
leather chair which vas tuited and soft anG
-oo.ny and delicious, and had wearjed Of
gushing out the wicker rocker for his bene.
fit. He always insisted that the straight
lacked thing which had bought at an auc-
ton of curios was just suited to one Of Ills
aye and time, and although it made me feel
ike man sitting in tic letter l., the stub
born old shade persisted that it was exactly
right, and crossed his ha2v legs and squared
back and looked about ca the vanites of the
room with disappearing ey:c,1
"'rhat's ELECTRIC light, is 1t?' he said on
this occasion. "Ta,Iow dips were good
enough in my day, but of course you grass.
hcppers who consume the honey we ants
laid up couldn't be satisfied with what We
were glad to have:
l gently demonstrated. In the first place,
as told Kim, had never heard of an ant
that laid up honey or CT q gcasshopper that
came along and consumed it. If he would
only tell me where to find sample Of his
breed of ants I might hand the family name
down to fame as discovering entomologist
Of some distinction.
lie swore in most unbec oming fashion,
| considering that he had been dead for sc
gears, and said l was too smart Alecky for
! my own relations.
II sec" he said, querulously, after shift
| ing around two or three times on his hard
| uncompromising chair, that you've see1.
TT to 60 and spend lot of money that l
earned for you on a cloth picture that you've
put On your floor and that you step on in q
| kind of contempt. Don't you know that
when l was your age and head of family OF
II didn't have anything whatever on the
floor, but just the soil of the earth, packed
| down by our bare feet?"
You are referring to my rug? Oh. yes!
| l forgot that.it was a purchase dating since
your last visit. Yes, yes. OF course things
| have changed somewhat since your time.
For one thing, there are few men Of my ass
who are heads of families OF II. l hope Il
went offend you, but tomorrow if you hap
pen around this way you will see truckioad
Of other new things, and they'll all be foz
! me-" 49, -;
The ghost Of my xreat7grandfath,a
groaned.
Fortunately" said he, II have but ont
day off in a week, and I shall therefore miss
the grief Of seeing further signs Of yol-
soendthrift habits -.
"Oh, you better come around and look in,
| Maybe you could give US some good advice
in the matter of hanging some very old pic.
lures which l bought at sacrifice
"Sacri6ce?" Frightening.
eyes; 1 bought three Tonic I:eddios foa
$780,
'Tonio Veddfos!" the old ghost shrieked
"Great powers! Why, when / was on earth
you could have bought 'em for 40 cents; and
even now we keep him busy over here doing
nothing more expert than dauhing red. blood
spots on our clothes when we are going out
to do some miscellaneous haunting! Why,
he never was or will be frxt-rater He'l
| a calciminer"
! The ghost Of my great-graEdfather, sine.
lie began haunting me, has picked up so,a<
modern methods of speech and smile.
! What do yaya mean by miscellaneous
hAunting?" incurred.
| ~'Wel!. you know that one night week
! We have time off and 60 cut on family
! haunting looking up great-great-gre>t'
grandchildren and such like and giving thsn
the benefit of our experiences When wer%
| alat visiting with our relatives We put in ol,
| time in q sort of collective way haunting
| popular places of scars. ] spent last nigh,
! nousing and incoming around fool of a
| country graveyard where the walking wal
| bad and there was dampness and miasna
! We had notion that somebody might hap
| pen to pass along that way, and Of course i
| would never do to let tradition make 1. liz,
| OF itself. A traveller passing a country grave
/ yardat night hasho see ghosts. It's the mos
! Internally lonesome job, | guess, in all ths
domain Of spirit naturalization. Do yor
know that I've sat around for em hours at .
| stretch in drearN, isolated, nl&larial coun
try cemetery with no companion, perhaps
au: an ignorant foreign ghost that couldn't
! slea6 English, and who only had sense
enough 10 shrek shrilly about every fou.
| minutes, .and that while thus occupied have
| felt positive that you were over here in q
| Dice warM room, smoking fat black cigar1
at my expense and fairly glowing with pleas
ure? / tell you, a ghost has nowadays 20 fai.
show.
Iexpressed my surprise. While uniformly
ouerulous, he had never before unbosomeo
himself in just these terms.
YES" he continued, II guess the job OF
| miscellaneous and promiscuous haunting for
| traditions sake is the meanest work tina.
| can be imposed upon helpless ghost Why.
doegone it. I remember that once severn,,
years ago. before began to come around
here and watch you burning my money, /
! ::Sas sent out to do bit of roadside murder,
didn't know the man who had been killed,
And, m&re than that, the crime had occurred
Before l was born; but had to CO. The -.
tual party at interest had suddenly discov.
| cred descendant Of the seventeenth gen.
Grafton who needed bit of private family
haunting, and he took night off to do it..
They sent me and two others to substitute
two unreliables, who. as soon az they
found themselves in position of respor,~
ability. proceeded to get drunk
Say. did you ever have two drunkeo idiote
Of ghosts on your hands and a thoroughly
hrst-class pisce of scary work to do in con.
aection with Z historic murder? Ne, IT
course not.
II had 10 do extun work or spoil the iok
These fooK> hearing a man coming, wousN
want to get out in friendly way and tr1
70 get him to buy them drinks condition
OF things utterly at variance With all A.
eepted ideas of behavior at such times.
Well, to equalize their friendly conduct. I
had to yell and shrek and laug ii shrilly and
chew up phosphorus until nearly ruined
my palate. And when We got back where
We belonged about three o'clock, I, '<ho hs)
worked overtime, bad the satisfaction 4
being told that that was probably the MOD