The age-herald., 1899-12-31
WILLS BATTLE
 WITH THE BOOKS

It was Saturday. Mamma was away, and poor sister Mary had been having a time with ''the boys" She was left in care of the house, the children and the pair who were never classed with the other children, but spoken of as ''the boys"
 "The boys" dear fellows, were two healthy, robust youngsters, who were both physically and mentally too normal to be quiet. Of course they must be doing some thing. It would hurt them to keep still and do nothing far more than 1t would hurt to receive the good thrashing" with which Uncle Ed often threatened them. Today the foys seemed too full of life and fun for human endurance
 ''Oh, Tommie, what are you doing now?" called Sister Mary as she ran hastily to see what Wills agonizing shrieks meant.
 "Nothin'," calmly replied the unrufhed youngster; "jus' seein' how deep this pin would reach when Will stopped over. He Is such a baby"
 His supreme disgust nettled Will, who only waited till Sister Mary was safely back at the machine before he "paid Tom back" as he called his goodIhumored re- taliation.
 Poor Sister Mary at last decided, in order to quiet them, she would shut them up in the library to mediate.
 To meditate, indeedl They began at once to look about them to see what could be
 
 Will decided to read. Tom thought he would do the same thing, and each wanted the same book. Both reached for it. Sister Mary had left a large electric lamp on the desk, and in the squabble over the book the lamp was upset and the oil spread The boys said afterward that no lamp ever held so much oil. This time Sister Mary's pa tience almost gave out. Some beautiful books and a manuscript all neatly copied, ready for the publishers, were ruined.
 This episode quieted them for a time, but soon their spirits revived, and Bessie's pet rat was the next object upon which they gave vent to them, and displayed their natural talent for badness.
 The playful little creature ran up into Toms pocket, and at the same time his eyes fell upon Sister Marys paints and brushes on table near her easel.
 Lets play Barnum's show, Will!'
 'All right! where will you get your anil mals?'
 ''We will make wondiferous zebra out of this white rat with sisters paints"
 That's the very thing" said Will. Now, Tom, I'll put on the blue stripe you the yellow and red, and I'll finish up his tail in green Say. can't you put some orange or red on his ears?"
 "Whew! now ain't he a daisyl Whoa!' But too late; the terrified little creature had escaped and seampered off just as Sis ter Mary and Bess came in to see what kept the boys quiet.
 "Oh, my poor little rat! cried Bess. "What have you done to him?"
 Boys! boys! what must do with you?" exclaimed Mary. "Why do you get into so much mischief! You shall work all the rest of the day. Satan is sure to find work for idle hands to do. I shall give you employ ment. or telling what you will think of next"
 So Tom was sent down with his history to read aloud to Sister Mary, and Will was commanded to study Mondays lessons.
 Will was an obedient boy, and laying himself down near the big bookcase, went right to work on his grammar He turned a page or two, when the words began in funny fashion to dance about, and directly Will discovered that the words were talk ing out loud instead of quietly allowing Will to take them in through his eyes. They talked very queerly, too. Instead of teaching him his grammar lesson, they be- gan to quarrel with the other books upon the shelves.
 What Is grammar good for, anyway, I'd like to know?" @ voice said from some quiet recess.
 "Grammar good for! Why. it teaches boys how to talk correctly, of course"
 ''Who said so?" asked a philosophy high up abovesthe other books.
 'Oh, my! Everybody knows that I say that in my very first lesson." replied the grammar.
 Surely, now. thought so. First person l. nominative case, the subject you like to talk about" sarcastically spoke a history. "Now, I fill up my pages telling of great mems deeds. and don't talk about myself so much!'
 .'Tuti tut! you need not spend all of your time talking of men. Why. I am sure dumb animals have place in the world, and are as interesting as men," spoke up a natural history.
 And what can be more instructive than the sermons in the stones?" came from geology in a distant corner.
 "Pshaw! they'd far better learn some thing of the surface of the earth they live live son," said geography.
 Well, talk as much as you will, am sure boys should know more of me than of any book upon these shelves"
 'Indeed!" said the dictionary, ''better have them learn me first. It's more im- portant to know how to spell the words and to tell what they mean than to know how to use them in a sentence, I think"
 That's a matter of opinion, presume" said the grammar in a naughty manner.
 'As for the matter of that, let him come to me for wisdom.'' came in deep tones from a musty encyclopedia.
 Well, really now, you all seem to want to make the poor boy very wise. Let me entertain him some-do, with some nice stories of fiction. Boys enjoy lighter litera- ture I am not so sure that they like wis dom," said book of fairy tales.
 They lack 1t, you mean," said DOCK or poems. Let us entertain him while Let him read a few poems said Bryant, Long, fellow, Burns and Whittier, all at o-,ce
 "No, he Is tired of that he re.cftes from some of you every poets Birthday celebra- tion at school. Let h..m get both entertain ment ana anstr .ctlon from some of my pIays, c,Ae beautiful volume of Shake
 
 Thereupon all the novels and story books nd Ec af and hiOPranhv h6pa to discuss their ability to entertain, while the encyclopedias, histories, philosophies, metaphysics and sciences disputed concern- ing their stores of wisdom.
 Will was highly entertained for ipaA-