Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1899-05-05


"What is raised mostly in damp eli
mates:" asked the teacher. Cum
brellas," replied Johnny.-Tit-Bits.
"That man was an old fame of
miner "What's the story?" 'He
fared up one day and went out!'-
Bazaar.
"Was the banquet a successY 81
guess so; the men all wore each others
overcoats off as rs."-Detroit
Free Press.
"That dull Miss Wigs doesn't seem
to have particle of imagination"
eyes, she has; she thinks she can sing"
Chicago Record.
Anna-"They say have my mothers
mouth and nose." Hannah-"Well, your
mother was lucky to get rid OF them
Yonkers Statesman.
Proud Mother-"Oh, John, the baby
can walk" Cruel Father-"Good. He
can walk the floor with himself at
night, hen."-Tit- Bits.
''Wife, what lot Of grammatical err
rors you make" "What Of it? Aren't
they as good as those your mother used
to make" -Chicago Record.
Miss Vassar-What is the reason this
orangeade tastes so watery? Polite at
tendantBecause we make it out OF
naval oranges, miss.-Judge.
Dentist see that shall have to kill
the nerve. Patient-For heavens sake,
don't. 1t would ruin me in business.
I'm life insurance agent.-Tid-Bits.
Mrs. G.-"Why, you screamed the
minute the dentist touched your tooth.
thought you said you lad SO much
nerve" Mr.. CT did, hang it! That's
what hurt" -Phila delphia Bulletin.
Browne-"There is no time in life
when woman doesn't get in more talk
than man." Towne-"Oh. yes there is
Browne-"Pd like to know when"
Towne-"During the marriage cere-
mOny."
care you much rushed now. Foozer"
Rushed? If were to die tonight my
employer would expect me to come
down town tomorrow. and work until
the hour set for the funeral. "-Cleve-
land Record.
Tommy-What's an heirloom, auntie?
His Old Maid Aunt-Oh, that's jewel
or something that's been in the family
years and years. Tommy-Auntie, Is
your engagement ring an heirloom!-
Jewelers. Weekly.
!, Sunday School Teacher-There is but
one thing in the world, children, that
we can put our faith and reliance In
confidently. Do any of you know what
Is is? George Babibruther-Yes'm;
safety pins.-Judge.
A Natural Deductions: Hixon-Are
you engaged in the same business you
were last year? Dixon-Yes, and at the
old stand STILL HixOn-At the old stand
still! Why don't you advertise and stir
things up tle?-Chicago News.
The World Against Him: Despond-
ent Tremlow (mournfully)-Well, by
gosh! This is the irony Of fate for
keeps Here I've spent me last 30 cents
ter commit suicide with gas, an git
room with 'lectric lights.-Judge.
Disguised: What makes you think
you were defeated by fraud?" 81 paid
for 1853 votes in the second precinct,
and the books show that got total of
only 155 there. Our election system is
simply rotten."-Cleveland Leader.
He felt that she had encouraged him,
and when she refused him he indig-
nantly inquired If she didn't think she
had played him very mean trick. 'Not
at ALL" she answered cheerily; "only
little slight-of- hand.''-Detroit Free
Press.
eff you do not marry me shall hang
myself" exclaimed a love-lorn young
man. "F. Al, if you do, please go little
way down the street." was the young
lady's cheerful response, "for | heard
papa say he didn't want you hanging
about here."-Tid-Bit
"Father," confessed the callow youth,
81 have married her; we are two souls
with but single thought" "Well,
you've gained something. A single
thought isn't so many, but it is one
more than I ever knew you to have be-
fore.''- Detroit Free Press.
Minnie" said mother to her
naughty three yearold daughter, "what
Is the reason you and little brother
Harry can't get along without quarrel
ingY" 81 don't know" was the reply,
"unless it's because take after you
and Harry takes after papa
Magazine Editor Coming in in the
morning, to office boy)-Anyone wait
ing? Office Boy-Yes, sir; four admirals
in your Office, and six brigadier gener-
ais in Mr.. Burjoice's room, and some
more military gentlemen outside, sir. I
kept 'em separate, as you said, SIR
Life.
Professionalism you like some
notices for your house, mum? It's
very cheering to a husband to see nice
motto on the wall when he comes
home" Mrs. Dagg-"You might sell
Inc one if you've got one that says,
Better late than never New York