davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16

Madam, II you were going up TO the
Clipping Bureau to apply for situation,
this girl can tell you all about It. She's the
genteman's sister"
"The--the what?' screamed the fat
woman
The gentcman's assistant and sister.
She ought to know II any more help is
needed"
l let the blond girl out at the sixth floor.
/ had to 90 it to save the rest OF her clothes
and her life. That fat woman had her all
over the elevator all at once. and the
blond didn't do anything hut yell Fire"
and Police" As near as / could make
out. the fat woman was ,aboring under
sudden tit OF Mysteries. / dropped her al
the seventh floor and waited Tor results.
She banged open the door Of No. 7G and
fell alb over the Clipper man and demand
ed explanations. He was bent double over
a chair. and the five boys and girls were
tumbling out into the hail when | slid
softly downwards. An hour later the Clip
per and his wife walked down the stairs
and went home. l didn't see EN-, but the
janitor said they seemed TO be excited
about something Next morning old Mr.
Grabner was ten minutes ahead Of his
usual time. and he asked me to land MIN
on the seventh. On the next trip up the
Clipper man was passenger. He looked
at me in d queer way. but mad no chance
to talk lie had scarcely got out when old
Mr. Grabner fetched him cuff on the
ear and yelled:
so I'm old Grabner am /: So I'm an
old masher. am Il You Internal scoundrel,
but IN choke your liver out"
Then there was an awful struggle There
were three or four passengers VINO wanted
to get out and separate the pair, bur got
the elevator stuck between the seventh and
eighth floors for five minutes. and b. that
time the conflict was over and the Clipper
was a licked man. We found him with his
shirt front torn out, one eye as black as
tar and his nose ali skinned. and the way
he cid glare at me was something awful
He went home for The day. and for the
next a hours 1 had paigiiation q The heart
right along without a break. II HAS 10
O'Clock next forenoon before he sent for
me. Ny nrst thought was 10 throw Up ny
job and 20 west. but the elevator boy VINO
would succeed must have moral courage
to face all sorts OF emergencies. / finally
went up 10 the Bureau ana to ms utter
amazement the Clipper man met me with
smile ard held out bis hand ard said:
sammis. the Sisest of as sasns times
make mistakes.''
Yes sir. We DO. sir"
"For instance made mistake IL you
II think yon did. sir
4 ought 70 have sat down and had a
fatherly talk with you and explained mat
tiers and asked you 10 stand rny friend. but
sized you ~ fer a boy who could DC
b.uffed. | shall do different from nc1 on.
The tail blond isn't here any more. sam
mis-
No. sir"
She got chance TO 20 on the stage ard
has left ne. The fat woman you SAT- the
other eay Is my wife Shell be dosn ssr
several hours daily. I'm not worth hun-
bred dollars. sammsz. and business ii aw-
fully poor Old Grabner almost bumped
the life out ~ me. and freely acknowi-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16
THE ELEVATOR BOY
A Few Of His Personal Adventures a
Related by Himself.

When the Newspaper Clipping bureau
man moved in on the seventh noor
thought it my duty TO make some inquiries
about him. If an elevator boy knows al
about a tenant he can do far better by MIN
than otherwise. There was kid in the
Bureau, and in three days 1 had pumped
him dry. He told me that the Clipping
man was hard up financially and great
bulldozer and that I'd have TO be as hum
Bile as cat or lose my job didn't see
much of the man for about week. Then
he sent for me 10 come 10 his room. and as
1 stood before him he said:
boy, you have been pumping my kid,
and / want to tell YOU something. Al the
first sign of any monkey business out you
CO.
Yes. sir"
Don't be poking your nose into my bus
mess, and don't be gossiping around the
building about me or my help"
No, sir"
If any one asks you about me you dom
know, except that I'm worth 10000. and
rushed with business. You know old Grab
ner, of course?"
yes, sir"
We'll. if old Grabner or any one else
should ask you about my assistant-the
tall, blond girl
She's your sister. of course. know my
duty, sir. I'm a poor. fasherless boy, with
mother and mortgage on my hands,
and don't want 10 lose my job
Then you'd better step around mighty
softly and not talk TOO much. just one
break and out you go, fatherless or not.
That's all to-day, and now you can trot
along"
Some elevator boys would have been
scared of the Clipping man, but | WASH I.
Id been having his interests at heart. but
after the way he threw me down l wanted
to get even. Ii was only a day or TWO be-
fore | met old Mr.. Grabner on the fourth
floor. and he smiled and patted me Oil the
back and said;
''Sammis. you may have taken notice Of
a tall, blond girl who is employed on the
seventh fioor?"
Yes, sir, In the Clipping Bureau"
Exactly, Sammis. AS her hour for go
ing to lunch and mine seems to be about
the same / thought IL"
But you'd get left. sir / was talking
with the clipper day or so ago. and he
said she was his sister and he called ytxl
old Grabner and has probably warned her
about you He evidently thinks you an old
masher.'
His sister, Why. he's an Internal old
liar," shouted Mr.. Grabner as he began to
paw the earth. And he called me old
Grabner, did he And he thinks I'm an Old
masher. Say, sammis, If you don't see fur
fly around this building within q hours
then I'm no goat! Just keep quiet and say
nothing, and I'll make that internal
scoundrel swallow his words and his mex
tie after en-
That same day only three hours later, a
large, fat woman took my elevator al the
first floor and said she wanted 10 so to the
Clipping Bureau. She was followed in by
the tall, blond girl, and of course ! felt II
my duty to say to the fat woman
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16

.'Yes. touched tender chord" re-
sumed the Major as he wiped his left
eve with his handkerchief. Il like 10
be trusted | like men to have conf
dence in me. When you called here
few weeks ago l explained TO you
that I had gone out of law and real
estate and insurance and had become
a promoter of enterprises, but you
were in a hurry and l had TO cut 1t
short. Indeed, it was only an expert
ment then, but to-day you look upon
Napoleon of finance. Your hand,
sir. Shake. Congratulate me, and at
the same moment permit me to say
that it does me world OF good TO be
able to repay you for your untiring
confidence in Major Crofoot."
Then you can pay the rent?" quer-
led the landlord as his face frightened.
My dear man, did not take you
in on my first five or six schemes be-
cause there was one chance in thou
sand of failure, and l was determined
that you should not lose a dollar
through me- l waited for a safer and
better thing. I've got it at last, and
when you walk down those stairs you
will have a positive contempt for cor
ner lots worth less than $4,000 apiece.
Treasurer and general manager of the
Great American Rat and Mouse Trap
Trust, l greet thee,"
but where's my rent? didn't
come up here for dose of wind.
1T was the niceI, slickest job OF
them ALL" chuckled the Major as he
paced the floor with beaming face.
THE idea was my own-strictly orig
inal. There isn't house in America
without its rats and mice. OF late
years competition has forced prices
down till no manufacturer has been
able TO make cent. To catch rats
and mice you must have traps Owing
to the low price only one trap turned
out for every 500 rodents. The un-
caught rodents do $5O. 0oO. 900 damages
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16
AR. BOWSER'S TRIBULATIONS.
He Starts Out to be a Martyr. But Loses His
BY NJ. QUAD.

get out an old pair of winter socks
which have been thrown away.p
Don't trifle with me, woman!"
shouted Mr.. Bowser, as he grew red in
the face.
But here are the new socks she in
sisted, as she held them up to view.
eff you prefer winter socks with holes
in em I've nothing to say, but these
others are all ready for you any time.
He spent two minutes trying to
thread the needle in his fingers and
fishing for some other excuse for row.
He couldn't get the thread into the
eye, but he found the excuse.
"And my collars" he said as he car
ried his hand to his throat and gave a
wrench at his necktie. is there hus-
band in this town who'd put up wit
what l do? Aye, Is there a husband
in this State who wouldn't turn to and
chop I'D the family with an axe if he
had to endure what do with my col
lars"
1--WE heard no complaints before, y
replied Mrs. Bowser.
"Of course not, because I'm one OF
those husbands who endure and suffer
TO the end and make no sign. AS we
have opened the subject, however, let
me call your attention to this collar.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16

nit good horse sense. he says, und II
l keep right on being a RepooDiieah'
maybe l get an Office some day. Vhen
he vos gone out, man comes IN VINO
likes some new shoe strings. He look
at me a leedle while und len says;
at vhas was good for you II you
come down by dot free-silvsr meeting
tonight. You shall hear something
to make you open your eyes. How
vhas you on dot question, anyway?
Well" said the cobbler. as he put
his Furnishing iron back TO heat, 4
tells him dat l vhas for free silver SO
hard as never vhas, und dot | don't gift
I'D dot fight in one t'ousand years. He
goes ha. ha! ha. und slaDs me on der
back, und / vhas invited out TO haI
some more beer. Dot man likes me.
He says l vhas a Sherman nit head
on me- If | keeps on nit free silver.
maybe | vhas an alderman some day.
He goes away NIT his new SHOE strings,
und a man comes in to get some but
tons on his shoes We talk about some
murders for awhile, but by und by, he
looks me oafer und says:
h my trent, l like you for to know |
am for gold basis, und how she vhas
NIT your
Il vhas dot same. l says. L was
such gold basis man that l can't fall
ashleep when | goes to bed Dot man
smiles und laughs una says l vhas a
Sherman nit some fat in my head, ind
dot if | don't get some Office he vhas
mistaken. We hat some beer. und
dot gold basis vhas all right, und my
old womans says l vhas big man.
For two days it vhas all politics. 1t
vhas Democrat und Repooblican und
free silver und gold basis und labor
movement und reform. | vhas all der
time nit my customers und make no
mistakes. Den some troubles come.
1t vhas so many men und so much poll
tics dot l forget who vhas who. Dot
first man he drops in to see how | vhas,
und purity queek he says:
'Vhell, cobbler. how vhas your
principles to-day
Shust der same, / says. I vhas a
Republican clear down by der
ground
What, Why, two days ago you
| vhas a Democrat, How you make dot
out, Ell? l guess l don't come by your
shop any more nit my work
Dot vhas bad ON me-" sighed the
cobbler, as he finished the heel and
folded his arms. but more troubles
vhas at hand. l tell dot Republican
vhas a Democrat ten feet high, und
vhas mixed oop nit free silver und
gold basis und labor until l can't say
nothings any more. | make a mistake
| nit eaferyjody, und eaferypody vhas
mad und disguised. On dot first day
| eaferypody says l vhas a Sherman nit
some level heads on me; der next time
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16

/ vhas called dunuder-headed Dutch
man, und if somebody has any shoes
to fix he Will take 'em to somebody
who is not a fool. II makes me feeeI
awful bad. und | goes by dat dyer und
says:
How vhas dot politics. / do shust
like you say, but my peesness vhas
ruined
"'You vhas a fool he says You
should keep book und a pencil und
mark eaferpody down und look him
oop pefore you talk some more Dere
vhas more as twenty kinds of politics
in dis country, ind how you expect to
remember en- all? Yust go back by
your shop ind begin ofer some more.
But | don't do dot bookkeeping.
concluded the cobbler. as he returned
to his hammer and last. Il shust 20
out of politics altogether. II a Gus
toner comes in und says What he was,
! don't say nottings some more.
Sometimes he vhas mad und says /
vhas fool, but dat vhas ALL right. It
vhas better 10 be fool und keep ali
your customers dan TO be a fool und
drive EN- all AWAY. II I talks some
politics at all it vhas nit der little dy-
er, und der door yhas locked. und der
vhas both Independents. Dot IL, he
pays for his hat Of der beer und pay
for mine. ind We don't say how we
shall vote
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16
DER GERMAN COBBLER
He Tells How He Followed the Advice o
the oyer in Politics.

Il dunno about dose politics." said
ishing the heel of shoe under repair.
If somebody comes in my place und
talks politics | don't know how | shall
say, und dot makes my customers be-
lief l vahs a fool. l don't feel good
about her, und SO l goes by der dey
house man on der next block und says:
How vhas she, anyway? Some
politics vhas around, und l like to be
posted. How vhas it nit your
II gif you some pointers he says.
You vhas in peesness, you must haf
politics TO please eaferybody. OF vas
my way, and nobody vhas mad
Dot dyer he vhas Is years in Ameri-
ca und knows all about politics, and
vhas glad to find it out. l goes home,
und purity queek man comes in uni
says he likes some half solos on his
shoes. He says he vhas a Democrat,
and he likes TO know how | shall vote.
l tell him right off queek that l vhas
Democrat too, und We shake hands ind
go out and hat a glass OF beer together.
He calls me an honest man, und says
shall be in der torchlight procession
und carry a banner. He goes AWAY.
und some odder man comes in He
likes me TO mend hole in his shoe,
he
Cobbler, | vhas Republican from
my head to my heels. ind how she vhas
nit your
It vhas der same l tells him. I
vhas a Repooblican first und lats und
all der time. ind don't care who
knows il Dot pleases him, und be
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16

per year. There was the situation, sir
there it was, and was Major Cor
foot equal to it? / am proud to say
he was proud to say it. The first
step was
DO you want me to sue you for this
ACCOUNT" interrupted the landlord.
1.-The first step was to protect the manu-
facturers,' calmly continued the Major
'.Forty-two rat and mouse trap makers in
America cutting prices til you could buy
trap for five cents ara get pound Of
tea thrown in Forty-two circular letters
from Major Crofoot, Grand Promoter,
brings. about a combine, and prices jump
50 per cent. No more throat-cutting. Every
trap goes at a profit of five cents or no
sale. Public must have traps of be over
run. Number of traps to be sold In the
next year 100000 1t won't take you
minute to figure up the profit. But Mayor
crofoot does not stop at the traps, sir-at
10, 600 rat and mouse traps paying a
profit of five cents each, but he pushes
onward and upward TO the cheese with
which they are baited. No use for trap
unless you've got cheese in the mouse.
Cheesemakers were trying 10 DO eacn
other up and the price was down TO SIX
cents. Dead loss of a cent pound TO every
maker. Major Crofoot steps in and there
is a cheese trust and prices go up until
there is four cents profit on every pound
Sale for cheese for batting rat and mouse
traps, /, 10000 pounds annually And So
my dear man, there you are, and THERE
you are. and let US shake hands again.
'I'll be hanged if | do, If you don't pay
this rent I'll have you out of this Office
inside of three days.
"And now comes your reward tor your
trust and confidence said the Major. as
he picked up paper from his desk we
organize with capital of s5eoo.vOO shaI
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16
FASCINATING. AND INTOXICATING.
TOO.

one of the most fascinating and-yes.
might say, intoxicating-of warm weather
beverages In which the metropolitan man
fond Of luxury Is now INDUCING himself i
a ''couperee." The eouperee il. indeed, sug-
gestive OF its name, and never fails e ac-
couiplisf what Il suggests. II is made by
taking one and a half pony glasses pf
brandy and one pony of red curacao. Billl
the glass one-third full Of Ice cream. sfrs
well Serve with sntmeg on top, and TIA
couperee will do the rest--New York Lek'
fer
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16
IMPOSSIBLE.

Horace, she said. chidingly, why
don't you tell me you love meg"
Selling scrap OF paper the young
man wrote on it:
How can /, darling. unless you re-
move the pressure from ny windpipes"
Chicago Tribune.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-07-16
HOPELESS voID.

"My head is a perfect vacuum
"ReallyY''
Yes | haven't even got theory IL Il
about now the government ought TO run
the the war.'-Chicago Record
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1899-10-13
NEW TRAFFIC AGREEMENT,
Northern and Great Northern win Use
Same Tracks,

NEW YORK. Oct ls,-A report is
current In Wall strcct that trafnc ar
rNngcment has been entered into be-
tween the Great Northern ard the
Northern Pacific which will be result
ant In much good to both rNAds
The report is to the effect that the
Northern lacife is to be allowed TO upe
the Great Northern short line trcm
Spokane TO the Sound In consideration
OF the use by the Great Northern Of
the Northern Pscihes Washington
Central branch.
No definite information on the sub
ject can be gotten here, but In H'w o.
the growing good feelings and relations
between the two roads, It is considered
not improbable that the report may
shortly be given official verincatlon,
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1899-10-13

HAVANAS OBlET LESSON

NEW YORK. Oct. ia special TO
the Herald from Washington says:
An interesting report OF the condi-
tons existing in Havana, have been
submitted to Major General Brooke By
Brlgaiier General Ludlow, military
governor OF the city. and transmitted
to the war department. After describ.
ing the lamentable state to which the
city has been reduced by war. when
the most imperative requirements OF a
city government were abandoned" he
says
Within thirty days after the Amerl-
cans began control this had been
amended. There is no means Of esti-
mating how many thousands Of lives
have been saved during the American
occupation, partly by outright rescue
with food and medicines. partly by CIV
ing work and employment to the des-
titute and partly by the reduced death
rate from improved sanitary conditions
affecting the entire population.
1T may be held that, aside from
commercial or Industrial considera-
tlons merely. the object lesson given by
the administrative and physical re-
fabiiitation OF Havana that has been
effected within a few months consti-
tutes an enormous force, the results Of
which are to be 20 a greater or less ex-
tent permanent and Of incalculable
value in Cuba and elsewhere.
"As to commerce, the situation Is
less clear The American occupation
was followed by an abnormal amount
of imports, due to the banking up Of
invoice. awaiting anticipated changes
in charges and a period Of active
movement ensucd, the continuance ot
which will depend upon the extent to
which the resources Of the island can
be developed. Money is plenty as IS
shown by the rate Of interest at six
per cent or seven per cent instead Of
ten to fifteen per cent as formerly.
Financial movements are likely to be
more or less hesitating until some ex-
pllcit conclusion is announced as to the
future.
In a single respect have the results
attained in Havana fsllen short Of
satisfactory adjustment The vital
question Of primary education Is still
practically unsolved and a great ma
jority Of the Havana children Of school
age are running wild in the streets with
out instruction or discipline"
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1899-10-13
NEW NAVAL MOTTO.
Coghlan Says It Is I'VE Have Met En-
emy and He Is No More"

CHICAGO Oct. 12.-When Congress
man Boutelle had concluded his address
in which he paid a tribute 10 the
American navy at the banquet ot the
Army Of the Tennessee. last night, there
were cries for speech from Captain
J. B. Coghlan. Captain Coghlan, who
commanded the Raleigh at the battle
Of Manila responded briefly. He SAID:
This is an age Of progress. W. are
ovelthrowing the old and taking On the
new. We Of The navy try to keep
abreast Of the movement. Formerly
the motto Of bravery was we have m {
the enemy and they are ours We
have changed that and now It reads:
We have met the enemy and they are
no more He was cheered again as
he sat down.
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1899-10-13
POOR DEWEY.
Politicians StIll Fostering His Life
With Attempts to Use Him for
Their Interests.

MONTPELIER. VT. Oct. i?.-Senator
Proctor in an interview on the candl-
dacy Of Admiral Dewey for the presl-
dency, said that whatever party nom
mated him would be almost sure to
elect him.
"It Dewey were the republican candi-
date for president" said Senator Proc
tor. Il should vote for him aa woull
every other republican. II he were the
democratic candidate I would not vo.e
for him."
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1899-10-13
FAPAL DELEGATE TO MANILA
Archbishop Chappelle Hopes to Bring
About Peace in Philippines.

NEW ORLEANS, Oct. 2-Arch.
bishop Chappelle, papal delegate to the
Philippines, gave out his first interview
regar ling his important mission today.
Il have talked over my mission thor
onghly with President Mckinley" he
said. and We understand each other
My errand is one Of pacificauon /
hope To accomplish what the army Of
the United States has failed to do-,o
bring pace to the islands. / am hur-
rying the arrangements for my de-
parture regardless Of all else and will
leave at the earliest possible opportu-
ni.y. I feel that I will be successful
ir what l am going to try to accom-
plish."
The archbishop was asked as TO what
would be done with the church proper
ty in the Philippines.
This matter has been discussed by
nie with the authorities at Washington
and we understand each other.
THE report that the properties arr
Jointly held in the name of the church
ard crown is erroneous. The proper
ties belong and have always belonged
to the church. 1t will be sinule
question Of proving title I have re-
oeived no intimation that conhscation
Is intended"
The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1899-10-13
a VALUABLE CARGO

san Francisco Commercial News.
SIN they go, cargoes o9 Pacific coas,
products to the United Kingdom. TIE
fritish ship Forrest Hall, which cleared
yesterday ,or Liverpool. Is not by any
means small craft, but reference to
the export column will show that she
has on board a more valuable cargo
than many Of her predecessors, far
larger. have carried. Among other
things, she has on board canned fruit.
valued at slA7,O61 cascara bark, $3.50.
Ar balsam. 1900 and salmon S2O6.746