Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1899-06-21
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what do they mean by teaching the
young idea how to shoot?" "Why,
showing them how to have some aim in
life, of course."-Philadelph Bulletin.
Tommy-Grandpa. are kings and
queens always good? Grandpa-Not
always. my boy; not when there are
aces out against them.-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Gotham-So your marriage was
failure? Mrs. Lakeside-Yes: but Pm
the preferred creditor-all my hus-
bands property is in my name.-Town
Topics.
Prlmus-Dynamite is the most won
derful invention of the age. Secundus
Why? Primus-There's nothing In
the world can hold n candle to it.-Yale
Record.
Mrs. Styles-Do you read much fic-
ton? Mrs. Myles-Well yes; get a
letter nearly every day from my hus-
band when he's on the road.-Yonkers
Statesman.
He-Be mine, darling. You are the
lamp that alone can light my existence.
She-Yes, dear; but papa doesn't think
you are good match for me.-Jewel-
ers' Weekly.
Facetious Cent? can tell from your
looks thai you believe in spiritualism.
Am i right? Solemn Waiter-Well,
do have some faith in table-tipping.'-
indianapolis Journal.
First Negro-I hea Sam Yallerby
has eloped wifi white mans wife.
Second Negro-Yais; de patriotic cuss
has took up de white mans burden
as Kipling says.-Judge.
Won Blumer-I am afraid we haven't
much for dinner, but such us it is
Clinker-Don't make any excuses. old
man. Remember that have dined Mt
your house before.-Detroit Free
Press.
Mrs. Henpeck visiting her first hus-
bands grave)-Yes; here lies hero.
You would not be my husband to-day
had lie not been killed in the war. Mr..
Henpeck (tiercely)-Yes; what curse
war s.-Tit-Bits.
One Sort.-"You sold this dog to me
for bird-dog. He doesn't know a
bird when he sees one. took him out
yesterday and lie wouldn't look at q
bird" We'll, how was the bird cook
ed?'-Brooklyn Life.
Teacher Ito new scholar)-What Is
your name?" New Boy-My name ls
julie, sir. Teacher-You should have
said julius, sir. And now, my lad"
turning to another lad, what Is your
name? bilious, sir"-Tit- Bits.
isn't San Tomas an English town."
asked Van Braam. "Of course not"
replied DinwiddIe. Its Philippine
town. What made you ask If 1t were
English7" 81 noticed that the III had
been dropped" Chronicle
Telegraph.
He-Oh, by the way, the doctor adj
vised me to eat n water cracker before
going 10 bed; said it would prevent my
insomnia. Are there any in the house?
She-The only thing in the house ap-
preaching water cracker is the ice
pick.-Indianapolis Journal.
''Those Americans don't know how to
run war;" said the Filipino, in dis
gust. whats the trouble?' They
insist on whipping us all at once, when
they might as well have the glory Of
winning battles for the next five years.
1t isn't Observation-Disclosures Star.
Brother John-And SO the baby is
four days old, is it? Pears like it's a
pretty bright little thing for its age.
Sister Mary (pityingly)-Bright! That's
not the word; it's wonder. Why the
little precious breathes as natural and
regular as an adult fifty years DID,
Judge.
whats the use of keeping on asking
all these questions, when the witness
insists on saying, I don't know?'"
perhaps there isn't great deal Of
use," answered the Investigator. But
1t is something of n luxury to find a
man in this town who is willing to adj
nit there is anything he doesn't know"
Washington Star.
Mr.. Meeker stepped out into the
kitchen moment to speak word to
the new girl. "Verena," he said, when
you bring the turkey to the table place
1t before Mrs. Meeker. She will tell
you to take 1t to me. and you can do
SO. This will start things right and
you'll get along with Mrs. Meeker with
out any rouble."-Chicago Tribune.
"There is cat sits every night on
our back fence" he explained TO the
lawyer, land he yowls, and yowls. and
yowls. Now, don't want to get into
any trouble with my neighbor. but I
would like to know If l am not justi-
fed in putting stop to IT. Certain
w." replied the lawyer. ~ am well
within my rights If shoot the cat,
then?" he inquired, gleefdlly. "Um,
well, would hardly say that" an
swered the lawyer; "the cat does not
belong to you, as understand it?"
"No." "And the fence does?" YES"
well, then, think I may safely say
that you have d perfect Fight to tear
down the fence. "-Chicago Post.
Grocer Ito shopman)-Peter. owe
about three hundred pounds" Yes,
SIR" 81 have two hundred pounds in
the safe, but the shop is empty; I
think it is the right time to fall"
"Thats just what think" But I
want a plausible pretext for my cred
itors. You have plenty of brains; think
the matter over tonight and to-mor-
row morning" The clerk promised to
think it over carefully. On entering
the shop next morning the grocer found
the safe open, the money gone and in
Its place note which ran as follows:
81 have taken the two hundred pounds
and am off for America. 1t Is the best
excuse you can give your creditors"
Flinty Coats for Plants.
If two pieces of sugar cane are