The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1899-09-01
CARL DUNDER'S WISDOM.
A Few BITS OF HIS NATURAL PHIL
osoPHY THAT ''NHAs AS EASY
AS CREASE

Boston Herald,
We all know und agree dot der world
vhas all wrong, but il any changes
vhas made we like 'em To begin NIT
somebody else.
1t vhas easy to tell a man nit q
wooden leg dot he yhas safe on dot
side from a mad dog, but you forget
how she vhas il a Texas steer gets af-
ter him on der street.
1t vhas no use to wish you could
talk nit a man who had been hung
und find out if its hurts him much.
1t vhas easy to try it yourself.
1t may or may not be dot marriage
IS a failure, but it vhas a lead sure
thing dot after you vhas der ladder of
seven or eight children you, haf got TO
keep hustling to bring in der bread
und butter.
l belief she vhas der best vhay for
eaferbody to begin on der ground floor.
After Il man IA drive ahog out Of der
garden through der same hole he comes
in at it vhaS time for der peoples TO
see smartneSS in him.
1t vhas Il world in which things
comes out even. Der grocer may give
you fifteen ounces for IA pound Of sugar,
but when you vhas hit by IA policemen
twas seventeen W noes or more il you
want it.
Nobody should be too quickly. One
night l hat my pistol all ready to shot
a man who vhas climbing in by der
window, but 1 stop und call out to him
first. Dot safes his life und keeps me
out Of trouble. 1t turned out dot he
Was only IA Burglar instead Of der
man who reads der gas meter.
1t vhas curious now many peoples
belief dot thirteen vhas an unlucky
number, und yet l neffer f0nnd one
who'd knock a dollar off der bill und
call it twelve.
Natural philosophy vhas as easy as
grease. All you've got to do is to buy
Il bottle of collie cure and turn der boy
loose among der green apples. 1t vhill
all come about by bedtime.
For fifteen years | went about look.
ing for an honest man, und behold he
vhas at my door eafery morning. lie
vhas der milkman. He could hat made
it 30 per cent water all der time, but
had not gone above 20. We vhas al
ways looking too far away
Sometimes a man vhas mad at mic
because | don't talk about Noah und
his ark, but il | vhas to go around try
ing to find out whether it really rain.
ed for forty days und nights, or vhas
twenty-fOur hours short | vllaS in der
D0or-house in one year.
II der mar who plants der seeds
Will figure dot half der melons Will
be stolen nobody Will be disappoint.
ed. 1t vhas when you leave your .el-
low-men out Of it dot you make a
mistake.
| don't like Il man to be too thankful
II | lend him Il dollar und he pays it
back. If he talks too much he Dor.
rows s. next time und don't pay ii
back at all.
1t vhas poor policy to worry. For
fifteen years l vlias afraid somcbody
would break into my barn und steal
my horse. One night a thief did come.
und how yOu belief 1T vhas? DUt
horse ylas dead nit sickness half hour
before der thief got in, und all my
worry went for nothing.
One time my dog dies und eater
body says he shall charge 81 to take
dot body AWAY und bury it. l don't
pay it. l put it in a l0-cent barrel,
und in one hour he vhas stolen. II
we understand human nature we vhas
better off.
vllas pulled up NIT pride when a
newspaper says dot my word vhas as
good as my bond, but dot pride all
went AWAY When | like to borrow $50
at der bank. Eaferybody may be all
right, but IA note nit "a good indorscr
makes you sure.
One time fellow-citizens like to run
me for Office, but l think it all oafer
for a week and don't take him. Dot
makes my wife awful mad und she
says:
You vhas such fools ash ncffer
vhas! You vhas ELECTED for sure, und
dot salary vhas 49, GOO a year."
Maybe | vhas FOOLS" says l, "but
we wait a leetle While und see. No.
pody should have too much quick.
ness"
Well, dot odder mar vhas elected.
Dot campaign expenses cost him $500,
und in two months he steals $1,000
und goes To State prison for three
years. / goes home und says to Mrs.
Dunderi =
"Vhel, how about some Office? Was
1t better dot vhas home or in prison?
l vhas better to- be IA fool at liberty
dan a wise man locked coop In a cell"
One time when l smoke my pipe on
der veranda a man comes along und
says:
mr.. Koopmans, you owe me feefty
cent, und II you don't pay you vhas a
licked man"
II Will pay" ! says, fund l givs
him dOt, mnnov Int, Mrs nundpr