The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1899-07-16
BALDNESS AND BRAINS.
Many People Without
Hair on Their Heads.
New York Press.

~" tOAh
Where are the brains of the world. in
bald heads or in heads that retain their
covering OF hair? las hair aught to do
with brains? Is it not a fact that men of
active brains usually are bald? Does this
mean that the operation of the nerve cells
and nerve fibers produces friction. which
causes heat, which burns up the roots of
the hair? Are not men of hair physically
stronger than bald heads? There never was
discovered a bald-headed gorilla, though
there is a bald-headed ape; the former is
far stronger than the latter. Not one negro
in LOCO is bald.
Bald heads must have been out of style
in the days of the prophets. Elisha GER
tainly committed a crime when he Sicked
the two she bears on little children who
said unto him., Go up, thou BALD head; go
up. thou bald head" Forty and two were
torn by the claws All of the prophets are
llmned without a superfiuitS of hair.
Christ was a man of hair. Samson lost his
all when Delilah's man, shaved off the
seven locks of his head. In Gaul hair was
much. esteemed, and to cut it off was a
punishment. Tn royal family of. France
held 1t a privilege to wear long hair. Pope
Anieetus got cranky and forbade the clergy
to wear long hair. Charles L and his fol-
lowers revived long hair, while Cromwell's
gang used clippers. In these fin de steele
days there is neither law nor custom as to
hair. but a bald woman would hardly VEN
ture iii society.
Financiers. as a general rule, are men of
nalr. looking over the list of bank presi-
dents OF my acquaintance I can recall but
a handful of bald heads among them. War
ner Van Norden. of the Bank of North
America. Oliver S. Carter, of the Bank of
the Republic, w. "A. Nash, of the Corn Ex-
change Bank, Joe Hendrix, of the National
Union Bank. and Frederick d.. Tappen, of
the Gallatin National, are about all. Yes:
there is one other-J. Edward Simmons, of
the Fourth National. Great spectators are
seldom bald though James R. Keene is one
and Rufus Hatch, whose heads were the
! same shape and same size, were bald as far
Dack as their bumps of reverence. In his
extreme Old age Cnnr,,dnra V0ndarhi1t Ioe+
yearly all of his topknot, and even jay
could was slightly inclining toward a bare
pate. Cammack has a shock of gray hair,
such as Drew had until the day of his death.
and Cakes Ames.
Phil Armour is as bald as the American
eagle, but we see precious few bald rail-
road presidents. Adolph Lewisohn is mighty
scarce of hair, and so also is Charles
Jacobus. William French, one of the older
member bsir Der b OF the Stock Exchange. hasn't a
russell Sage keeps his hair amazingly well.
EDMUND Clarence Stedman's locks wave in
the zephyrs of Broad street: Isidor Worms
count his few remaining hairs without
great trouble and so could Horace L.
look Just like our old friend Kirk" The
fast disappearing locks of ]. Pierpont
Morgan may be seen through the wire
the Broad-street rabble as he works at his
desk in the Mills building.
No one doubts that Uncle Coils Pacific
has DIdluS. yet ne mas Only a
fringe of hair. d. o. Mills has brains and
no hair. Roswell p. Flower had only a
middle seam of hair. Mayor Van Wyek
has a regular roll and tumble of splendid
hair and novel;, Croker never will be bald.
His hair is like a mat. Bishop Potter is
not a Samson for tresses. Parkhurst is a
man of hair. Judge Beekman is bald and
brainy, and the only one of our judges in
the hairless class. Colonel Bob Ingersoll
hasn't hair enough to part with a towel.
and he has made a fortune out of agnosti-
cism and iconoclasm. Everett p. Wheeler
has no hair on the top of his head in the
place where the wool ought to grow, but
he is no worse off than Uncle Rastus Sem
eca Ransom. General Wager Swayne is be-
lieved by his friends to possess brains, yet
he is in the hairless class.
Little Abe Humme is as bald as a bat,
yet who denies him brains? What would
become or the dramatic profession If he
were to drop off? DR.. James H.. Parker.
of Carolina and whose trust company, since
his retirement, has resolvedato increase its
capital to s2,50,Go. has a polished dome of
extraordinary character. He has brains
enough to have laid up s., 900. Henry
Clews and Senator Chauncey M. Depew are
barefooted all the way around as far down
as the wing of the ear. Journalists, as a
rule, are not bald. Charles r. Miller is
drifting into the region of the hairless, and
inhabitants. The magazine editors have
quantities of hair. OF course, the writers
know not badness. Ward and De Longpre
are about the only bald artists We have.
Felix Adler has about as much horse sense
as anybody and about as little hair.
1t is astonishing how few really bald men
one can call to mind in a depression of this
kind. l begin to believe that people with
hair can and do have brains. Maurice Grau
exhibited his bald head to the Queen the
other day, and Proctor and Keith imme-
diately matched for a wig. Albert Balls
head is as slick as a billiard ball. and DE
Wolf Hopper still sleeps in his wig. Hop
per is said to be the only man in town who
has not at least one hair. Henry o. Have
meyer, the brains of the Sugar Trust, not
w~ithstanding Searles, has less hair than a
! hen has teeth. Uncle Abe Hewitt's part
ner, Mr.. Bedell, is as bald as Bald noun
tain. Walter William Law, of W.. & ].
Sioane's firm, who looks so much like
Cornelius N. Bliss, has more hair on his
face than on his Uranium.
Ex-President Cleveland is growing bald
on the sides of a narrow strip of hair rum
ming down the middle of his head. Presi-
dent Mckinley is thin, but theraNare slight
indications Of approaching badness. Mr..
with great rapidity. Dan Lamont is short
of hair, Tom Plat has none to sell and
Bill Whitney's locks are low but thin, like
the armer oats. Teddy Roosevelt and
Jimmy Woodruff have tresses to throw at
birds. One of the baldheads is Congress
man Littauer. Ex-Minister Woodford is an
other. Warning was a hairless man of
brains. Ham Twombly and Bradley-Mar-
tin are among the hairless heavy swells.
| In the navy Captain Chadwick is famous for
badness, while General Schoield is the
bare pate of the army. David b. Hill is
nearly bereft of natural head covering. A
and so excellently are they constructed to-
i day that the daception iS cornpleta