The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1899-01-12

You would send me away
To the ends of the earth
will set out to-day.
cit is only trife
! ask, she replied;
"Do it and claim me
At once for your bride;
Miss Uppish, next door,
Sought to slight me to-day;
Make her love you and then
Let me win you away"
TIME WILL TELL.
Miss Inkwire. Did Will Mashie
win prize this afternoon when he
went over the course with Miss Budd |?
May Mott. He thinks he did; but
he won't really know until after he
has lived with her awhile.
HIS CoNUNDRUM.
Merry Andrew-Can you tell me
the difference between a man and a
monkey :?
Busy Man-How much do you
weigh ?
Merry Andrew-A hundred and
forty-eight pounds.
Busy Mana hundred and forty
eight? -? l weigh hundred and sixty
three. The difference is just fifteen
pounds.
TELL-TALE SOUNDS.
She had sent telegram, and was
waiting for an answer. Suddenly the
peculiar hating click of the receiv
ing machine sounded in the office,
and she said to her companion;
"That's from George, l know; l can
tell his stutter."
BEGINNING EARLY.
Dorothy-Oh Mamma, dear, every
day when I go to school, naughty
little boy will kiss me
Mamma-Well, darling, you should
run away.
Dorothy-Well, but-suppose he
didn't run after me
PERSONS TO AVOID.
Applegate-After all, what is a
model husband
Yardly-Something that any man
who desires to get any pleasure out
of life wants to avoid. A model hus-
band should never be permitted to go
out into society. He isn't very often
unless his keeper goes with him.
A MINOR CONSIDERATION.
"What salary would you expect ?"
asked the theatrical manager.
"In the dinner scene," demanded
the gifted but gaunt tragedian, who
had applied for job, sis the meal
served a real one p
'It is."
"Then we will waive all discussion
as to salary" replied the tragedian.
DOING SPLENDID.
Glow is Reuben doing at college,
Uncle ST ?" asked neighbor.
"Splendid," replied Uncle 81.
"He's been studyin' Scotch, and they
do say he beats all"
"Scotch ?"
eyes. They call it by the name o
Golf down to college. He addressed
Ball the other day at Golf, an as
lar as I can see none O. the othel
dancers was in it.
| UNEXPECTED.
The tramp had been very imperti-
nent and dictatorial until the hired
man unexpectedly made his appear
ance and inquired: care you lookin'
for scrap %
His manner changed entirely, and
1t once he answered. Eyes, sir, that S
what I'm lookin' fur-a scrap O. cold
turkey Ell cold ham, er anything that
happens to be handy"
GOOD MEN NOT NEEDED.
Stranger-.'I should think such an
enterprising, public spirited citizen
as Mr.. Goodman would be nominated
for some important office in this COM
munity.
Politician-"H "He'd run well, but we
don't need him."
Don't need him ?"
"No. We're always sure OF big
majority, anyhow.
AN EXPERT.
The other day young man applied
TO, a position in local drug store
and the following conversation took
place: -,
Ever work in drug store before ?"
"Yes, sir. ="
"Where? 2"
New York. !"
.'How long ?"
"Five years.
"What were you doing ?"
Turning pieplant into Turkish
rhubarb.
He was employed on the spot.
A SLIGHT OBSTACLE.
80 you can't go hunting with me
on the twentieth ?" yelled one young
Detroit business man to another over
the telephone.
Don't see how | possibly can, old
man. But, say leave it open Tor a
couple of days, Between you ana
mel have an appointm to be
l.. H.