Mesa free press., 1899-12-29
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"a 80

In extenuation.--Sally Gay-But,
dear, he is a gambler. Dolly Swift
Yes, l know, but he has such winning
ways.-Judge.
Suitor-Dearest-idol Of my heart
say you will be mine. Widow-How
much alimony do you usually pay?-
New York Journal.
Were in a pickle, now" said man
in crowd. "a regular JAM" said an
other. Heaven preserve u.s." exclaim-
ed an old lady.-Columbus State Jour-
nal.
Sharp little thing: Papa" said the
missionary-worker's little daughter, 81
am playing that my dolls are heathen."
THAT Is nice, DEAR" "And-and-papa
| want 10 cents to pay my salary
Puck.
He had his arm about her shoulders
when the young brother dashed into
the room, playing street car"
Change to the belt line" whooped the
innocent youngster as he dashed out
again.-Detroit Free Press.
"And did you shake hands with
Dewey when you were in New York at
tending the reception to himY mo,
but l succeeded in buying a rose that
Is warranted to have been run over by
his carriage. Chicago mes-Herald.
Stubb-So the audience found the
|show to be a fake? Pennies, and
among them was a football captain.
He made the biggest kick. Stubb-
Good for you! But how did he express
himself? Penn-He said he wanted his
quarter back.
"Come on" said Noah, looking at his
watch, cts time we were getting into
the ark" you'll have to wait a min
ute," replied Mrs. Noah from the top
of the stairway I'm not going out
without my rainy day skirt on."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Tramp-Lady, I'm hungry, an I'm
lookin' fer chance to work Lady
very well; there's the woodpile. Tramp
Lady, it amt perlite to interrupt. /
to work somebody fer me breakfast
New York World.
Mrs. Casey-If liver catch your goat
ATTN me washin' agn, Mrs. MulliG@n,
I'll sue We fer damages. Mrs. Multi
gan-There's no made of sum, Mrs.
Casey. Coon over here an I'll give
We all the damages We want an more,
too.-New York Journal
Money talks" they observed. There
came into the eyes of the millionaire
the wild, hunted look peculiar to his
kind. "But it doesn't give itself away!'
he cried, agonizedly. For the fear that
he would die rich was haunting him in
day and night shifts.-Detroit Journal.
did you ever earn an honest dollar
in your hfe?" Never" answered
Meandering Mike. "Onst l worked two
hours fur dollar, but when | got it
found it had a plug in it. right over
de head of de American eagle. OATS
what embittered me life Washing.
ton Star.
Caddie: "Lemme carry yer clubs.
boss. / kin be ez blind and ez deaf as
err post!' Golfer: Il don't consider
that any particular recommendation
Caddie: mot If yer playin' wild yer
chum err yer mudderin-law; but w'en
yer playin' wild yer girl it pays ter hev
er caddie wot knows his biZ!'-Puck.
Housekeeper: "Why are apples SO
high in price?" Market-man: cause
they're scarce, num-" Housekeeper:
'But the papers said the crop was so
enormous that apples were rotting on
the trees all over the country" Mar
ket-man: "Yes'm. That's why they're
scarce. 1t didn't pay to pick EN-
New York Weekly.
Marry your" the young woman
scornfully exclaimed; II wouldn't
marry you If you we're" Jupiter
olympus, the Car Of Russia, or the
Count of Monte Cristo?" sarcastically
interrupted the young man. NO." she
rejoined, with increasing scorn, mot
even If you were the man who sent
Dewey to the Philippinesv- Chicago
Tribune.
"Now, Norton" said one of the party
who had gone deep into the Maine
woods in search of adventure, 1--WE
know you've been a famous hunter,
and we want to hear about some Of
the narrow escapes you've had from
bears, and so on" young man." said
the old guide, with dignity, 'if there's
been any narrer escapes, the bears and
other fierce critters had 'em, not me"
Boston Christian Register.
"Charlie, DEAR" said tine young moth
er, 'I've decided on name for baby.
We will call her 1mogen." Papa was
lost In thought for few minutes. He
did not like the name, but If he oppos-
ed it his wife would have her own
way. "That's nice," he said, presently.
"My first sweetheart was named ImO-
gen, and she will take it as compH-
;ment." 1--WE will call her Mary, after