Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1899-06-06
uNPAtn RefoRMeR.
TOLD YOUTH Hs WAS MAKING our
OF HIMsKLp.

tbs smoking car Of the elevated railway
train . few minutes before and taken =
seat, turned TO the young man sitting
near him, and said:
"Pardon me, bat there are indications
on your shirt front that you had fried
egGs for breakfast this morning"
whey might have been soft boiled,
mightn't theyy' asked tho young man,
moving his head slightly and looking at
him out Of the corner Of his eye.
"Or poached-or you might have eaten
them raw" cheerfully returned the
other. THAT Ia, you might have eaten
al except what you dropped on your
shirt front. I am the last man that
would recommend the putting OF nap
kin under the adult chin. Still"
"You are In some kind Of business,
maybes'
10, yes. You were about to make the
time-honored suggestion that attend to
It. What ] was going TO say was thst
there are occasions when II II better 10
thrust napkin under the chin, even at
the sacrifice OF what ID called good form,
then TO 20 down town with frescoed
shirt bosom. However should not have
taken the liberty of calling your atten-
ton to the dIscoloration--you noticed
that asked pardon for doing 1t"
I'll notice you've got a whole lot Of
nerve"
III dare say. should not have taken
the liberty Of directing your attention to
that unsightly blotch II you had been
able to see II yourself"
wouldn't you, thought"
NO. You are wearing one OF these
three-story collars--or Ia Il q cuffs-and,
Of course, you can't see anything that
happens under your nose. | said to
myself: This young squirt doesn't
know he's making guy OF himself. I'll
tell him. That was the impulse, my
young friend, under which l acted"
at was, heyy don't know who you
are, mister, but you'll get into nineteen
kinds OF trouble II you keep on election
eering for It. I've known people to get
rich by attending to their own business"
swell, don't know whether you have
or not. You hardly strike me as r
youth who has had experience enough
TO be able TO compile set Of recol-
lections worth subscribing for. | called
your attention, sir, In ss civil msnner
ss possible 10 q smear OF egg on your
shirt front. even went 90 far. as TO ex-
plain why ! did Il. | was actuated,
young man, BY the most uuselflsh Of i'm
pulses. or course I didn't stop 10 re-
feet that the egg spot might have been
premeditated. IL did not occur TO me
that IL might have been the deliberate
ostentation Of wealth, bent on letting
the world know that the wearer OF the
spot could afford TO eat eggs at present
prices"
That's q darned--"
~ see was right In my first impress
sion,' calmly interposed the other. ut
was not vulgar display OF riches. IL
was merely what thought IL was-thc
result OF the carelessness Of rapid
eater, not discovered on account Of an
absurdly high collar that prevented you
from seeing the effects OF the disaster.
| sm not sure, young man, bu. you owe
me an apology for your hasty words"
II owe you blamed good licking I!
That's all owe you"
THAT'S debt you'll never pay, my
son. wouldn't take an option on that
at % per cent discount. I've been
threatened good many times, but have
never yet been fatally killed. There IL
nothing that shows the degenerscy Of
modern society 80 much 10 my mind as
the ingratitude Of the average male per-
son when you try to do him q real favor.
Nobody has ever told you, probably,
how ridiculous you look In that stiff,
white strait jacket you wear on your
neck. Ii compels you 10 hold your chin
up as II you had a high checkrein on,
you can't move your head from side TO
side without risk OF saving your ears of,
you can't even smile without hurting
yourself, you have 10 yawn by throwing
your head back, and you have the APP
pearance OF q man whose head has been
pulled up from his shoulders rs far as
his neck will stretch and painted steel
washer put around his neck TO keep his
head from dropping back again.
"Besides that, It's an imposition on
the lsundryman. He gets just so much
for washing and ironing collar, and IL
isn't any too high price, either. Don't
you see that when you give him slab
OF linen quarter OF yard wide TO
wash and iron, and call II a collar, IL
isn't doing the fair thing-this Is where
you get of, is its Well, good morning,
| am glad 70 have met"
"Go to thunder"
ale doesn't seem grateful, !" unused the
unsppreciated philsnthropist, after the
young man had left the train, shut
don't think he'll ever 90 down town
again with combination Of high collar
and hand-painted shirt front.
Tribune.