Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1899-02-23
THE FAT MAN WON At LAST.


as the train reached Syracuse, this
is TO notify me Of the death of very
dear friend. He was run over by an
electric car in New Orleans yesterday.
wish you to carefully observe my de-
meanor. You will notice a combina-
ton of elation and sorrow in my looks.
do not smile, but neither do l weep"
We were wondering what sort Of
friendship he could have had with the
deceased, when he reread the telegram,
put it in his pocket and continues
"I think l had better explain the
case little more clearly. The man
who has met such melancholy end
has been as brother to me for the
last five years. 1t has been almost
case of Damon and Pythias. When
say this you will wonder that the tears
do not come to my eyes, but there is u
reason for their absence. l am on the
road for New York grocery house,
while he travelled for a New England
wooden mill. We met for the first time
in Buffalo. He it was who suggested
| that we insure our lives for each others
benefit, and the idea seemed good one
to me. We took out travellers accident
policies and wished each other good
luck, and his death means s., 900 to me.
| do not rejoice, as you will observe
and admit, and at the same time there
are no tears to fall. For 15 years it has
been contest as to who would fall
first. We have canvassed the matter
| hundred times, and each has been posi-
| tive that he would be the survivor. 1t
| is habit of mine to walk in my
| sleep, and he was ever contending that
| / would break my neck by fall down
stairs or drop from third.story win
dow. 1t was q habit of his to cross the
street wherever he took a fancy, and to
make cable and electric cars wait his
pleasure. / figured it out dozen
times over that he would encounter a
motorman some day who would not
take his bluff, and you observe that my
prediction has been verified.
| "Yes, it has come at last" said the
fat man, as faint smile showed on
his face for an instant, land l am glad
in the sense that the contest is fin
ished. 1t has been long one and full
of incident. Three days after our bar
gain the train on which I was going
into indianapolis ran over a COW and
was thrown down an embankment, and
though everybody else in my car was
killed or injured / escaped almost
/ without bruise. 1 think George felt
that / ought to have been duly and
externally smashed, and that my scrap
! ing through was piece of spitework,
but of course he had to put the best
possible face on the matter. A month
later it was his turn. He went walk
| ing on railroad trestle in Ohio and
freight train caught him in the middle
of it. He ought to have been killed by
the jump he had to make, but he
simply sprained his ankle. can't say
that l rejoiced over his escape, but
neither should have been elated had
that jump been his last. 1t was my
turn now, and my adventure came
within two weeks. There had been
fire in Cleveland, and as l was passing
the ruins wall fell outward. My es-
cape was declared a miracle. A man
and horse were killed and three men
badly injured, but | went clear. My
| plaster, and it took me q week to get
the lime out of my hair, but / wasn't
even grazed. l telegraphed an enthusi-
| astic dispatch to George over my es-
cape, but his answer was cold and in
different. / am sure he argued that l
was trying to take an unfair advantage
of him, but he was mistaken. That
wall fell all around me and was left
standing amid pile of brickbats 10
feet high, but was / to blame for being
helped out alive?
II got another whir at it before any
thing happened to George, though it
was rather piiing it on to me. He had
banked on the idea that somnambulism
would do the job for me. In my sleep
walking had broken an arm and leg
and had my head cut open, and so he
had a basis to figure on.
"Three weeks after the falling-wall
affair took wander in my sleep in q
hotel in Detroit. / was on the fourth
floor, and opened the wire door of the
elevator and took a drop to the roof of
the car, which was down at the first.
| ought to have broken a leg at least,
but all the injury received was a slight
cut on my hand. In fact, the damage
to the elevator was S14, while it was
not 2 cents to me. now took a rest
and let George have a show. He met
with an adventure on Lake Erie which
would have made chapter in dime
novel. In going from Cleveland to De-
troit he fell overheard without being
noticed and he had been three hours
afioat when picked up. Tho curious
part of it was that he could not swim
a stroke, and how he managed to float
about as no did was one of the mys-
teries. When the news of his being
saved from watery grave reached me
telegraphed my congratulations.
Gentlemen, do not think me hard
hearted man, but l must admit that
my congratulations were coolly worded.
He was insured for my benefit and he
really ought to have gone to the bot
tom of the lake under the circum-
stances. / could not gush over his es-
cape. did not even try to.
"After the Lake Erie incident,
continued the fat man as he took out
and reread the telegram, "things ran
along as smooth as grease for year.
Then got caught in hotel fire.
was aroused by the alarm at midnight
and as escape by the stairs was cut off
jumped from fifth-story window. |
had my Burnside whiskers singed off
as l went. expected to bring up on
the stone sidewalk, of course, but
Providence had charge of me. l
alighted on the roof Of building Is
feet below the window and aside from
having the breath knocked out of me
for five minutes I was all right. Had |
taken the next window to the left I'd
have brought up on the stones of the
street. George saw the account in
the paper and telegraphed me from
South Bend. He evidently tried to
show brotherly spirit in that tele-
gram, but it was dead failure.
"However, couldn't blame him so
very much. | ought to have been killed
as dead as dournail. 1t would take