The age-herald., 1899-03-22
HE WANTED A GENERAL.
But a Captain or a Major Would Do-A
 Telephonic Campaign.

From the Times of Cuba, Havana.
 Gilbert and Sullivan could find an mex haustible mine of material for a comic opera in Cuba
 The Pirates of Penance' or the sailors of HI. M. S. Pinafore" were never one- half as funny as the rank and file of the Army of Liberation" With their bold braid and Panama straw hats they rush about from one cafe to another with an air of great importance until they find some sucker who will invite them to have a drink. Then the table Is immediately surrounded by the lucky veterans" friends, who have observed his success frem afar, and the gullible host Is gener- ally worked thoroughly before the tin sol- diers leave him.
 During the drinking the conversation usually runs upon the subject of the won- derful campaigns in which these heroes have "ft and died" for their beloved pa- tria, and the bootblacks and cocheros who may be within hearing. that is to say within four blocks distance from the group, listen with their mouths and eyes wide open while tales of hairbreadth 'scapes by field and flood curdle the listeners blood and make his backbone to bow up like a measuring-worm. In ten cases out of nine the gilded and gabby campaigners never saw a bloodier field than sweet potato field, and would not know a rayelin from hand spike at six feet distance.
 An interesting incident occurred in cafe on O'Reilly street last night when a Times of Cuba reporter was taking a cup of coffee. The place was entered by a typical broup of Gomez soldiers, dressed in dirty holland uniforms, one of them l.a l.s. and person through a sky-light in his trousers, located where 1t couldn't be seen when the soldiers back was against the wall, and various others in a more or less condition of studied carelessness but most of them with murderous looking machete hung at their belts which they tried to handle like Bismarck or the Sirdar of Khartoum in their published pictures. As the oldest man in the squad was not over 19 the general effect was not impressive. One of them rushed up to the telephone and rang up some "jefe," demanding that a captain or a general be sent somewhere at once with a regiment corporaPs guard post-haste A long and vigorous conversation ensued and the amused smile that began to flicker over the faces of the Americans and Spaniards present when the storming party entered soon broadened in- to grin and broke out in a horse-laugh. The machete comrades of the kid at the telephone tried to look fierce and some of them went through the pantomime of try ing to tug at their mustaches but as the whole crowd of them had less hair on their faces than there is on the back of a baby's neck 1t was inexpressibly ridicu- lous
 By the time the regiment had been in the cafe five minutes everybody was laughing at them, and as they failed to buy anything not even package of cigar cites, the proprietor, fat, jolly Spaniard laughed more heartily than any one It be- came too hot for the liberators, at last, and they left with attempt at dignity that might have made statue of Wash ington gurgle with glee.
 After they had gone a Spaniard said to an American, with an ironical smile: "Se- nor, are those the gentlemen who are de- manding $50,OO000O back pay from your government"