Mesa free press., 1899-09-22

4
clothes?" "By always wearin' 'em."-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Teacher-Willie, where is the capital
Of the United States? Willie Todate-
In the trusts.-Town Topics.
"He says his wife can't cook little
bit" That's unfortunate" "Yes, but
that isn't the worst of 1t. She insists
on cooking lot. ot."-Philadelphia Bull
| letin.
Lady Qn bird store)-Pretty Polly;
does Polly want a cracker? Polly
| (scornfully)-No, thank you. Not If it's
| as stale as that remark.-Chicago
News.
st. Peter-Which wife do you want
to live with? Shade-Are they all herei
st. Peter-Yes. Shade-I thought you
said this was heaven.-Detroit Free
Press.
"Is Mrs. Barkis on your calling list,
Mrs. Montmorency?" Yes; but not
on my visiting list. We call the tele-
phone book our calling list now
Bazaar.
"Im afraid we must be divorced, my
DEAR" said Mr.. Newlywed to his young
wife; ''the doctor says haverheumatic
tendencies, and must give up all sweet
things."-Bazar.
Ada-''Wasn't there some talk Of
Maude marrying a duke?" Dolly
''Yes; but you see the duke didn't say
/ nj h I'M 6ol lrNh n
North American.
Miss Passee-Cholly seems to think
that I'm keeping my age remarkably
well. Miss Curt-Yes, he told me that
he never heard Of single instance
where you gave it away.-Philadelphi
Record.
Don't touch me-" said the chrysan-
themum, as 1t leaned away from the
rose. 81 would be foolish to attempt
It," replied the rose. "It's a well-known
fact that you haven't got a SCENT
Chicago News.
The good man-Sir, do you know that
you are going forward to terrible pun
ishment? The inebriate-No! Eat so?
I didn't know I was headed for home.
Much 'blige', OF man, f'r putin me on.
-Ex.
"What makes young Mr.. Bught wear
his hair so long?' said Maud. ''Oh, it
isn't his fault, poor boy" replied Miss
Cayenne; she has been lionized so much
he doesn't feel comfortable without a
mane."- Washington Star.
81 can't believe that this wireless
telegraphy is possible" "Why, Of
course it is. Hasn't your wife ever let
you know clear across crowded room
that you were making fool Of your
self f?"-Philadelph North American.
''It is only a matter of time," said
Golfer, "when the expansion policy will
carry us into Canada" "What makes
you think that?" '.Oh. we need the
land on the other side Of the border
for golf links" ."-Philadelphi North
American.
Eyes, indeed, Bradley Biggs is real
widower" what do you mean by a
real widower, LucyY why, he is so
afraid some strange woman will marry
him that he takes his mother-in-law
around with him all the time. DE
troit Free Press.
Miss Dreamier-"When you stood on
the brink of Niagara, and looked into
the seething, surging. unfathomable
depths below, did you not feel that you
would like to jump in?" Mr.. fourier
-"No; l hadn't received my hotel bill
then."-New York Weekly.
"Let's see, Senator, are you serving
your first term in Congress?' "Well,
1 don't know whether that would be a
correct way of stating it or not" re-
piled Senator Smallbore. you see
my constituents may decide to make
It my last."-Ohio State Journal.
Little Johnny-"Mrs. Talkemdown
paid a big compliment to me to-day"
Mother-"Did she really? Well, there's
no denying that woman has sense
What did she sayY Little Johnny
"She said she didn't see how you came
to have such nice little boy as was"
.sThe minister" observed the church
member, as If the idea had just oc-
Cured to him, "can take a vacation.
but Satan never takes a vacation"
..True," replied the other church men,
her. "but Satan can stand the heat q
great deal better than the minister
Puck.
Cynicus-Every woman should make
a will. Mrs. Enthusiastically, Mr..
Cynicus, do you think we are of enough
Importance for that? Cynicus-Oh, 1t
isn't that, but think Of the satisfaction
Of changing 1t every time you have a
quarrel with one Of your prospective
heirs.-Philadclphia Record.
Kate-''I suppose l ought not to tell
on him, but 1t Is fact that Harry
asked Maude to marry him once and
she refused him." Emma-"That must
account for It," Kate-"Account for
what, pray?" Emma-"They were
saving the other night that Harry Is