Mesa free press., 1899-09-15
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dianapolis Journal.
Tommy-Paw, what is a pessimist?
Mr.. Figg-He Is man who, Of two
evils, prefers both.-Indianapoli Jour-
nal.
Wig-Dedbroke tells me that he
hopes to marry soon. Is the girl well
off? Wag-I think so; she refused him.
Philadelphia Record.
Teacher-Now, Johnny, which would
you rather have your father promise to
give you-a silver watch or a gold one?
Johnny-A silver one, cause I'd think
he meant it then.-Jewelers' Weekly.
Squelched.-"Sir," began the book
canvasser, 81 have a little work here
-" Sorry" interrupted the busy
man, "but have great deal of work
here. Good-morningv- Chicago News.
'Well, Ned finally proposed last Sun
day eveningY "Was he embarrassed I"
Embarrassed? should say so! Why,
he made such hard work Of it I was
afraid he'd desecrate the Sabbathp'-
Puck.
Parson GOodman-Oh, brethren!
what shall we do to be saved? Deacon
Joslyn Gust back from a New York
trip, and very tired-Don't blow out
the gas, and use the rope in case Of
fire.-Judge.
Wife Earnestly - George, dear,
have prayed so fervently Of late for
tQi1Or-mado Uoxup fbot fool ~ mould
be flying in the face of Providence not
to go and get measured at once
Brooklyn Life.
"About the hottest thing have seen
lately" Asbury Peppers remarked, as
he speared the best slice Of melon,
''was an old salt, with a peppery tenn
per, who had just been mustered out"
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Layman-Is it true that you can new
er get direct answer from a lawyer?
lawyer think it would depend upon
what your understanding Of the word
"direct" is, and upon the character and
disposition of the lawyer.
Freddie, do you know what the Bi-
BILE says about lieY' asked his mother
with feigned severity. "Yeth, ma'am."
lisped Freddie; "a lie is an abomlna-
ton unto the Lord and a very refuge
In time Of trouble kansas City Star.
Mamma johnny, what did you mean
by saying "No" when I asked you If
you went bathing, when you knew you
were telling wrong story? Johnny
Didn't you tell me the other day to be
man and learn to say |-Boston
Transcript.
at amt only English people drops
their aitches," said little boy to the
new teacher. II never heard no Amer
lean pronouhsce the aitch in my
name" "What is your nameY asked
the teacher. Johnny" said the little
boy.-Harper's Bazar.
Mr.. Uncertain-You keep a private
yacht, don't you, Dubious? Mr.. Du-
bious-Oh, yes. Mr.. Uncertain Well,
next to money, what Is the most i'm
portant adjunct necessary to the main
tenance of craft of that kind? Mr..
Dubious Credit. Stray Stories.
Skeptic-You still believe in spirit
ualism, and yet at the seance last
night the medium called up your
grandmother and she didn't know how
many daughters she had. Believer
Oh, well, grandmother's memory was
getting very poor a few days before
she died.
Young lady (out yachting is
the matter, Captain Quarterback?
Captain-The fact is, my dear young
lady, we've broken our rudder. Young
lady-I wouldn't worry about that.
The rudder is mostly under water, any
how, you know, and it isn't likely peo-
pie will notice it.
.'If give you a quarter" said the old
lady, kindly, what assurance have I
that you will not Immediately go of
and get intoxicatedY Madam" re-
piled the polite tramp, sit would give
me the greatest pleasure in the world
to demonstrate to you that it isn't
enough for the purpose" Chicago
Post
President of the CompanyI guess
you'd better discharge that boy. Man.
ager- Why? He seems to be nice,
quiet kind Of boy, and haven't no.
ticed that he has neglected his work.
President-That's all very true, but /
don't think he has the making Of a
financial genius in him. He's been
around here for more than three weeks
now and hasn't given either you or me
to understand that he knows more
about the business than we do.
Tourist Cooking back upon difficult
bit of mountain path he has just trav-
ersed)-Ugh! that's as ugly a bit of
dangerous climbing as I've ever been
over. There must have been a lot of
accidents there. Why don't they put
mn notice board to the effect that it's
dangerous? Guide-There was an ac-
cident there once, sir, and they put up
notice at the entrance to the pass;
but as nobody else came and fell down
the chasm they did away with the