davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
She Got It.
Cincinnati Enquirer.)

Cincinnati Enquirer.)
a lot of people were present at an auc-
ton sale of Japanese goods the other day.
How much am bid for this exquisite
vase?" asked the auctioneer, holuing II
above his head.
''One dollar" responded an elderly lady,
sitting in one of the front seats
That's d shame, cried the man with
the hammer. This vase, as work OF
art. is worth four times that sum. why,
look at il. VIII an intelligent audience al
low such a sacrifices?
"A dollar and a quarter, came in the
same womanS voice.
Well well. well. Can't you see that
this is a treasure, and you stand here and
allow it to be given away for such a pal
try sum-
the same bidder speaking:
"a dollar and half! The very idea.
the like. Come, good people. what is the
meaning OF this? One of the mikado' S
special designs sighted in such a man
ner. IL is a reflection on your taste.
"A dollar and seventy-hve, said the soil
i cannot let it go at that" was the
mans reply. 1T is too costly, too pre-
ciOus and too rare in pattern: Wake up
or l II put it back in the box.
1.-TWO dollars" the woman said.
well. il doesn't seem as If L can get
any more. so here is goes. Two dollars
once twice three times, Sold TO a lady
The lady stepped up. paid FOR and re-
ceived her vase and departed. appar-
emily without noticing the smiles OF the
audience.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
An Anesthetic Was Needed.
lewiston JournaD

Lewiston Journal)
1t is a Bath physician who tells the fol-
lowing:
Some time ago 1 happened to spend the
night in country town not far from
Bath and ii happened that there was
stopping at the same hotel ltlnerant
specialist.
we drifted into a conversation, and
during the course of the evening he told
me of some of the marvellous operations
ne had performed on the eye. One case in
particular he spoke of that caused me
considerable establishment, for l didn I
know, L confess, that the operation had
been successfully performed He said he
had recently taken out a patients eye
scraped the back of il, and returned II 10
its proper place. The patient, he said.
was never troubled by bad eyesight after
ward.
That was a difficult operation. doc
tor, said /.
Yes he said. it was
~ suppose you found it necessary to
employ the use of an aneSthetic?'
Yes. | did, he admitted.
- What aneSthetic did you use, doctor!
1 persisted.
oh, well. unless you are familiar with
such operations you wouldn't understand
if | were to tell you. But-wel, it was
shaped something like spoon, explained
the eminent specialist
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
SOME GOOD SHORT STORIES
A Bad Complication.


rEt NbclTOll tree freSS-)
This Cass avenue resident knows about
as much of horses as he does of the tech
nique of tiger hunting. but few weeks
ago he paid 500 for a SlGo horse, and since
tnat mas looked upon himself as an equine
authority. Sunday afternoon he was in
the bay window enjoying his morning pa
per and a cigar. Hearing a clickeJy-click-
ety-ciick on the asphalt he looked out,
CARED, dropped his paper and eyeglasses
and dashed out as though he were going
to pull a tlre alarm.
Hi, therei Stop that team. he shout
ed halt. and all the promenaders on
The block obeyed. but the horse trOtted
along Ten dollars to the man who
brings me that horse dead or alive.'
whooped the citizen, now too much excit-
ed TO be lucid. THAT Internal liveryman
has hired him QUE, and me payin' the
agnest price Tor his keep. Il show him
zen dollars dead or alive" in a Richard
he Third voice. for that horse"
lusty bicycler graSpeu the situation
Ana two minutes later had caught the bits
u. the horse The man in the DugSy pro-
grlnning wheelman troted the whole out
ut back to the excited citizen.
'Unhitch him." he shouted. Somebody
will pay big money for this Call a patrol
wagon. W hats your manner
4 hen the citizen turned pale and gasped;
Three white Ieet. My morse has but
two. and he's smalleri My mistake, gen.
llemen and ladies" for there was a crowd
now. Beg pardon and he started for
the house.
But the man in the buggy jumped and
wanted TO fight The bicycliSt demanded
mis- SO and the crowd jeered. a policeman
came in time to referee. The wheeiman
got his SO, the real owner of the horse
accepted a humble apology, and the livery
man raised the beard the next day.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
CLIMATE OF LUZON.

Surgeon J. E. Page of Admiral Dew
ey's flagship has reached Washington,
where he will await the Olympia's re-
turn via the Mediterranean.
Although the surgeon denies that
there is any cause for apprehension
concerning the admiraTs health, he ad-
mits that all the men and officers are
pretty well run down on account of the
climate, which he describes as pretty
bad one for a white man to exist in.
Since it is that way at sea, where salt
breezes are blowing continuously, it
must be pretty hard on the soldiers
who lie in the muddy trenches, or
march through the poison Swamps,
where the death damp hovers at night
and the sun draws out the reeking mi
asma from the steaming soil in day
time.
"Of course" says the surgeon, every
one i'll the fleet has suffered in health
more or less during the year, owing to
the terrific and long-sustained heat
and the enervating climate. 1t takes all
the life out of strong man and I'M
NOCS Ills OAlCi eAAAO ellllOAllOll.
The rainy season is on in the Phil
ippines again. The volunteers passed
half of it last year. 1t is a
time of great seventies of climate and
even among natives. As
general thing it is regarded as very
fatal to people who are not acclimated.
Statistics based on observations kept
for term of years at the Jesuit OBJ
servatory at Manila show that May
and June are invariably the hottest
of the year. These months and
those which follow are also the sickli-
est and deadilest of the year, while the
constant rains, the overfiowed fiat
country and swollen mountain streams
render military operations impractic-
able. even if our troops were in physi-
cal condition to undertake them.
1t is good news indeed to hear that
the volunteers are to be sent home. We
hope the administration will make an
extra effort 10 keep this promise. 1t has
failed to fulfill so many. Unless the
men are soon relieved there will be
bulletins coming in before long, not of
killed and wounded, as has been the
case, but of sick and dead from the
influences of the climate.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
WAR is DEPlORABLE.

One of our state exchanges, whose
EDITORS zeal for war is equaled only
by his discretion in keeping out of it,
is in the habit of denouncing Demo-
Gratis who deDrecate warfare" st che
same time it discourses sagely upon the
desirability of everlasting and univer-
sal peace, and asserts that the senti-
ment of the American people is in favor
of such an agreement at The Hague.
We do deprecate war with any people,
with any land, even with foemen
do we regret the necessity of fighting
a lot of Oriental islanders who were
deceived by the vascillating policy of a
characterless administration. In the
language of that great Republican and
expansionist quoted yesterday: The
administration should have been candid
with the Filipinos; they are like chill
dren, and could easily have been gov
erned by kindness"
But President Mckinley, in this mat
ter, as he was in the beef investigation.
as he was with Eagan, as he has been
with Embezzler Carter, as he is in
everything where Hannas schemes OF
insolent rapacity and corrupt favoril-
ism are potent, made miserable fall
ure, an awful blunder. Quoting from
the same Republican authority: "Judg-
has Numbered. The president should
state his policy, if he has one There is
such thing as. being TOO cunning"
OF course we deprecate this war. Or
course we want to see it ended. OF
course we would like to see the volun-
teers at home again. And why shouldn't
it be ended? Six times the native chiefs
have sued for peace. Six times their
overtures have been rejected. 1t is time
for the exercise of a little common
sense on the part of this administra-
ton. These islanders are a very diff.
ferent people from our own. They cam
not appreciate the charity that is shot
into them. They are totally incapable
Of showing gratitude for benign influ-
ences of civilization that they receive
at the muzzle of a gun. In their ignor-
ance and simplicity they must be born.
with. Besides, they have never vet
found out why President Mckinley
the people of Cuba and
Porto Rico upon their deliverance from
oppression, and said never a word in
his message concerning the Filipinos
who have struggled for more than a
century against the tyranny and
cruelty of a foreign power And what
10 the natives of that distant arcbi-
Delago know about the benevolent dis
position OF this great republic? Their,
experience has made them distrustful
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28

bushels of Siberian grain have entered
the markets of Europe through the
Baltic and Black sea ports, and evil
dencs what may be looked for when
the peasants who are now settling
along the great railway begin to
harvest the returns of their labors.
This is a matter of immediate and
great concern to the farmers of the
United States. While it may be several
years before the competition is appre-
cable we must make up our minds
that Siberia is going to be the chief
granary for supplying the needs OF
Europe. A better grade of wheat is
grown in Siberia than Russian fields
of Europe ever produced. 1t has a
decided preference in the worlds
markets. Hundreds of thousands of
acres are being sown. Some day in the
too near future the product of the
fertile plains of western and southern
Siberia will come pouring into the mar
kets Of Europe in exchange for manu-
featured articles, and the trade
restricted, tariff burdened farmer of
America who has to pay onerous duties
upon every thing he receives in trade
from foreign customers, will find a
hard competitor to meet. He has not
been favored by governmental aid to
pile up his billions and form trusts
and rob his home consumers in order
that he might sell more cheaply to
those of foreign lands.
This competition will be felt most
keenly when the Siberian road is COM
pleted and the ports of the Pacific are
put into. direct communication with this
transportation system. In the mean
time. aided by their protective tariff,
the trusts are raising prices upon al
most everything the farmer needs
while thousands of men are being
thrown out of employment by the
closing down OF many factories, foun-
daries and mills under control of in
dustrial combinations. thus narrow
ing the home market for the American
farmer at the same time
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28

Evidently the war department is try
ing to 'razzle-dazzle" the people of
this great republic. If anyone but Al
ger were in charge of this department,
we should feel assured that such is the
case. One day they send out dispatches
announcing that the Filipinos have
quit Next day the death list is longer
than ever. Then the announcement is
made that the backbone of the insur-
rection is broken. But this is followed
Immediately by the call of General Otis
for more troops. on the ground that lit
is impossible to maintain our supre-
macy in the Philippines" with the 49,
600 who are there. There is something
uncertain about this expansion bust
ness.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
OUR INDUSTRIOUS GUEST.

Welcome to Rear Admiral Schley, the
hero of Santiago bay.
He is our distinguished guest today
and the people of Utah, like those OF
every other state in the Union, delight
to do him honor.
He is a noble type of the naval hero
whose exploits from the days of Pau
Jones to the present form the brightest
pages of American history; and his
name is entitled to place with those
of Farragut, Dewey and Decatur.
For more than forty years this man
has followed the fortunes and bravec
the dangers of the United States navy
and discharged every duty devolving
upon him in every capacity in which he
served. At the age of 16 he was mid
shipman; he took part in all the navai
battles of the civil war, leading up tc
the capture of Port Hudson. He was
placed in command of the Greedy relic
expedition in 1884, and in the face OF
countless dangers and drawbacks he
made a success of the venture. At Val
paraiso he was in charge of the Balti-
more when the CHILEAN fleet threatened
him with humiliation, and he cleared
his ship for action and told them tc
'blaze away"
Winfield S. Schley represents the
spirit of the American navy. Whether
threading his way among the icebergs
of the polar seas or cruising among the
treacherous bays and islands of the
southland, whether following Farragut
fbrOToyT tho xx-a fore Of he
Mississippi or leading the furious chase
after the Spanish armada, he was al
ways cool, courageous, irresistible, bui
unassuming and willing to share his
honors with his men.
And. after all, the destruction of Ger
vera's fleet was what humbled the pride
and broke the power of Spain. 1t was
a victory which brought fewer compli-
cations, but more definite and immedi-
ate results than did the battle of Ma
Mia bay. Dewey takes precedence as
a hero. not more because he won a
signal triumph, than because it was the
first of the war, and ne was out o.
reach of rivals and out of cofnmunica-
ton with the board of strategy. But
Dewey is hailed as u diplomat besides
and his 1irmness with the Germans has
added luster to his genius.
Both victories were complete Not
Spanish ship escaped the raking fire OF
the American gunners in either case
But Dewey was not brushed aside by
a newcomer after the smoke had cleared
away. who cabIed the government that
he made them a May-day present of a
Spanish squadron.
Schley's victory over Cervera was
more than a battle won. More than
the Cape Verde feet went down that
day. More than the hope and power OF
Spain were destroyed when the Brook
Ign beached the Colon as the last ac,
in one of the fercest tragedies ever
enacted upon the high sea. The Euro
pean idea of American lack of skill and
want of discipline was forever dissi- |
pated. 1t is hard to estimate the value |
of this understanding, for no one knows |
what it might have cost in blood and |
treasure to teach some power in the |
school of experience what they have /
learned looking through the windows Of
observation.
Dewey gave them their first lessons
at Manila, and they graduated under
Schley off Santiago.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
LINES TO THE GAR.

George V. Hobart. in Baltimore Amer
ican)
o czar!
| You are
The bright particular
In the Peace Performance, and from afar
/ We watch you twinkle.
Some in the east we don't think'n
| Play their parts we'll
/ Still, you never can tell.
| War is hell.
Nicholas, and you deserve praise in prose
And poetry for trying to turn the hose
On it, you certainly do. Nick,
If YOU can snuff the wick
OF war you'll be the greatest ever,
And your clever
| Idea will be
Embalmed mot the beef Style in history.
Dye mind, John Bull?
Look out he doesn't pull
A gun
And make the whole caboodle run
For the tall timber. Nick.
He's Il slick
Article is that same John b
And Mr. HohenZoilern. he
Is somewhat
q. hot
Tamaie, too
You
Had better keep an eye on Bill
Till
You're sure he
Isn't going to draw a razor see?
When Bull and Bill get together
You can't tell whether
It's going to be a case of talk,
A cake walk
Or a scrap,
They're always trying to change the map.
Nick.
And you're a slick
One if you
Can put the two
OF 'em back in their cage
At this stage
OF the game.
Fame
Is waiting for you
Around the corner. Nick, If you do,
But the probabilities are.
Car,
That you'll keep fame waiting for quite
A right
Smart while.
There's pile
OF talking to be done
Before every gun
Goes in the waste-paper basket.
You probably know what a task it
Is Nick;
BIT if YOU stick
To it you may
Get there some day.
In the meantime. Mr.. n. Roamingoff,
Well blow the foaming off
And drink to your health all right
Gesundheitl
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
Coghlan Will Talk.

Captain Coghlan, of the Raleigh. has
had habit for many years of speaking
his mind rather freely. and it has seri-
ously interfered with his promotion. The
Washington correspondent of the Detroit
Journal says:
The first time Coghlan got into trouble
for speaking his mind was for telling a
chief clerk in the navy office what he
thought of him. He lost thirteen num-
bers Coghlan remarked to a friend about
this time that the only person naval
officer could speak his mind TO was the
cook or wash-woman. and then ne must
carefully shut the front door.
The next time when he was about 10
be promoted, he wrote d friendly letter
to a brother officer. in which he quoted
as an entertaining witticism. remark
of Dan Voorhees, about Grover Cleveland.
The brilliant Hoosier had said: Grover
Cleveland must be a great man, because
he wears a No. is cOllari' This letter
was read at a dinner. Cleveland heard
about it and refused to promote him
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
LONG TIME AWAITING.

(Arthur ]. Burdick In Rochester Times.
It's a long time awaiting
For the ship from Ger the blue;
But it's sailing and a-sailing
And in time will come TO you.
Unless. perchance. fierce storms arise,
And cruel winds from angry skies
Should drive to where death hidden lies
The ship that sails for you.
It's a long time awaiting
For reward that's overdue:
The recognition for your toll
The tardy world owes you:
But it will come, however late.
Unless. perchance, Death opes the gate
And leads you out while yet you wait
The wage the world owes you.
It's a long time awaiting
For the joy that should be yours;
But joy and recompense will come
To that soul who endures;
And over all the storms that rise
Above the clouds-are sunny skies,
And heaven holds a glad surprise
For that soul who endures.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
Too Many Lord Chancellors.

The late Lord Cairns, when Lord Chan
ceIIor was. of course, an ex-officio visi-
TOR of lunatic asylums. An old chest
NUT saws that he went down one We'd
nesday, when the peers do not sit, IA
Hanwell: knocked at the door and asked
Cant lei you in said the janitor:
DAYS for visitors Tuesdays and Fridays.
But / have right to go inside, said
His Lordship; Il insist on dong So
Read the regulations, and the 1anltor
pointed TO them.
DO you know who 1 amp" asked Lord
Cairns.
Don't know, and don't care" said the
mental
L am entitled to admission at any and
every hour; L am the lord chancellor o.
England
All, ah,'' laughed the janitor. as he
shut the entrance gates in the noble
lords face; we've got four of EN- in
side alreadyr'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
SIBERIAN COMPETITION.

The completion Of the Trans Siberian
railway will give this country a strong
competitor in Siberia. Trains are
loaded down with emigrants from
European Russia seeking homes in this
vast empire of northern Asia. Settle
ments are springing up along the road
and far TO either side along the streams.
Within very few years the evidences
of Russian energy and thrift will be
seen in the development of that melan-
choly and mysterious land, that land
of groans and graves, of ice and chains
that we never recall without a shudder
and always think of as a bleak and
barren waste where only misery
abides.
But Siberia is something more. This
railway enterprise will redeem it large
~ from the curse that many czars
has placed upon it. Once a land of
exile TO which men were banished for
entertaining independent democratic
thoughts, where women, refined and
chaste, were sent to wear their lives
away in erudgery or as slaves to the
brutal lusts of the heartless minions of
still more heartless power-it is
destined to become a land of homes and
a source of plenty
For Siberia is not the frozen, snow
bound region that it has been painted
heretofore. it is bad enough around
the mines where the poor unfortunates
are serving out their sentences in
penal slavery. But in the southern
part of Siberia vast plains of fertile
soil abound and the streams course
through virgin valleys where the posi-
bilities are as great as they are in any
section of the world, and the climate
is as mild and salubrious as it is in
three-fourths of Europe.
During the last two years millions of
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
Paint and Pictures.

The recent discovery of Turner's first
exhibited picture incites Tid-Bits to te..
the following story:
An art patron one day came into Tur-
ner's studio when the artist was already
famous. He looked at a picture and
asked what was the price. The artist
named the sum he had set upon ii.
What" exclaimed the buyer, .all
those golden sovereigns for SO much
paint?"
Oh replied Turner. its paint Won
are buying? I thought it was pictures.
Here producing a half-used tube OF
color. TN let you have that cheap: make
your own terms" and turning his back
on the astonished patron, he went on
painting
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
METEOROLOGICAL REPORT.
Yesterdays Record at the Local Of
flee of the Weather Bureau.

Salt Lake City, May q.
Maximum temperature, 81 degrees; min
imum temperature, 81 degrees; mean tenn
perature, &c degrees, which is 10 degrees
below the normal. Accumulated def
cheney of temperature since 1st of mouth,
100 degrees; accumulated deficiency of
temperature since Jan. /, IS degrees. To-
tai precipitation from 6 p. m. to p. m,
~ inch; accumulated excess of precipita-
lated excess of precipitation since Jan. l,
10 inch.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
Agreement with Reluctance.

Lord Justice Romer of England. has
swept away a venerable precedent and
established a greatly improved one in its
place. The old one was in case where
two judges had delivered opposite judg-
ments. and a third observed oracularlv:
Il agree with my brother A for the rea-
sons given by my brother B.. This is.
of course. we'll known. but the new one
is much finer. Lord Justice A l.. Smith
had delivered Judgment. dismissing an
appeal. Lord Justice Collins said: Il
agree-' Il also agree said Romer.
l.. ]. lone moment" said Collins; Il
haven't finished yet, and he proceeded
TO give his reasons. Then there was
solemn pause and everybody looked
anxiously at Romer. Firmly, II somewhat
sadly he spoke. Il still agree.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28

If, as the Chicago Record suggests.
the United States government should
make the concessions the F'ilipinos are
asking, it wouldn't hurt this republic in
the least; it wouldn't interfere with the
establishment of military protector
ate over the archipelago, and it would
put an end to a bloody strife that 9TH
erwise may continue for many years.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28
Waited For the Door to Shut.
(Academy.)

The sun blazing down on a race course
far. far east of Suez, and on a field of hot
excited men and horses. waiting till the
eccentricities of the starter and an even
more eccentric horse combine to get us
in line. The patience of the former is al
last exhausted: Bring up that horse
Come up on that beasti You'll get into
trouble over this, / tell you'' and So
forth. The Australian light-weight re-
plies patiently. Il can't help it, sir This
is a cab horse, this horse is. He won't
start Till the door shuts-and haven't
got doorl'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28

Sampson has been sent to meet
Dewey and escort him home. The hero
of Manila bay ought to know better
than to leave any glory lying around
loose when the man who fights with
Secretary Longs jawbone is near.