The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1899-08-20

Il CdItus -.
AYES. because the English say it
doesn't.
"Q.-Right again. DIN the English.
| Girls, give him more coffee. Now, sir, does
he know why it Is impossible for a tniE girl
to be pretty?
Ayes: because all Dutch girls are
fat.
'Q.-Good again. Come nearer, old sister
(this to the snuffy one); here's a likely hus-
band for you! Now let him tell me If he
can. Who was the first man?
IA Boer.
mo sir. nearly, but not quite. He was a
Huguenot. He came from Holland. Ny
father knew him we'll. More coffee, girls;
the man is dry, d-n the English.
"And so on for an hour. You can Imagine
l was glad when Tomkins discovered that
it was time to go home. The old man said
he was charmed with my intelligence, so we
drank some more coffee. shook hands, kissed
all over again and departed.
81 like Tomkins He is straightforward and
truthful and besides, he can tell a pretty
good story.
THAT night he gave me a specimen as
We sat enjoying our square face and smok-
ing our pipes.
What do you think of that, Rollin?' said
he. handing me a bill of some goods. l read
as follows:
Nests Old Plug Hats.....1 4
% lbs Old Corsets........ s s
2 brls Night Gowns .......3
II laughed and Tomkins continued: "'You
see. these are Kafir goods. the hats are for
the old women. the corsets for the old men
and the night gowns for the young girls.
These night gowns are the invention of
what they call the Mock Missionary, who,
with his wife, keeps a Kafir Girls School a
mile or two north of the gold fields. might
tell you the whole story, but I'm afraid
you'd be shocked
"'Oh, go ahead said I, L think I can
stand anything after kissing what you call
the Antiquary twice without fainting.'
Well said my friend, here is the ar
ticle itself and when you have examined it
/ will tell you its innocent history From
under the counter Tomkins now pulled a
canvas bag for all the world just like a very
large United States mail bag. On the top
of it and right in the middle was a kind
of a wire collar, and a light steel chain was
run along from the upper corners of the
bag through a set of little rings. This
chain passed round the collar and was pad
AONhOo JtSl dl TIC pLdtc WHtT lie Olld
button is usually found.
"'You see,' said Tomkin to put the
nightgown on the Kaffir girl you simply un-
lock it, pull out the chain and the top of the
bag opens wide like the jaws of a rat-trap.
OF course, when you lock it up all that Is
visible is the girls head.
but now for my story. Quite a number
of years ago old Hiram revisit was a
missionary in good standing. and he con-
Quoted an orthodox business in the same
neighborhood where his famous school Is
now located. Somehow the mission didn't
pay expenses, and as Brewster either
couldn't or wouldn't account for it, the
Home Department discharged him and abol.
ished the mission.
Just before this took place, however. a
party of diggers made a raid on the estab-
lishment and carried off two or three Kafhr
girls. Now, when Brewster was out of
work he thought it all over and came to the
conclusion that there was money in the
raiding business.
"'Thereupon he called a meeting of the
diggers. He agreed to furnish them with
brides at a certain figure, and furthermore
he guaranteed that they should not be COM
PEELED to chase them all over the hills and
up the trees.
LAS everybody knows, the Kafir girls
are nimble as kittens and the diggers are
clumsy as moles. Besides, the girls are saw
ages and are never willing to be married
without a struggle or a chase. although,
like some of their white sisters, they may be
crazy to be caught.
Brewster, knowing all about this, in
vented the nightgown, in which they could
struggle to their hearts content and yet
not cover rnuch grOuOd AhOve oil things
the Brewsters were religious. They recog-
nized the fact that it was not good for
man to be alone. or woman. either, for
that matter, if ~they-that is, the Brewsters
could arrange 1t otherwise. They believed
in marriage, however. and marriage fees,
and the blessings Of the church, and Brew
ster was a church unto himself. He there
fore organized a festival or carnival. IT
Is celebrated once a year and it is known
in history as the
Raid On the Nightgowns.
Among the diggers this is the day of
days. and from dawn until dark you would
think pandemonium itself had been let
loose.
The boys who are to be married make a
sham attack, with a great deal of noise,
on the school about 4 o'clock In the morn
ing.
Brewster, of course, is ready for them.
He has bagged the girls without much cere-
mony the night before. but when the dig
gers seize them the outcry and struggle is
dreadful. Now If you think it is easy to
walk off with a girl in a bag you are well
come to try it, but I would advise you to
practice the trick with cats first. bearing
in. mind that the heads are free.
"tOf course, the girls soon give II UP
and allow themselves to be carried to the
wheelbarrows that are in waiting for them.
Then a procession is formed. with Mr..
and Mrs. Brewster at the head of il, the
wheelbarrows following in single file.
when they arrive at the diggings the
whole population turns out, and the fun be-
gins. But they soon get tired of parading
and shouting and drinking healths, and ad.
journ to the market place. where the cere-
mony is performed.
Mr.. Brewster's marriage service Is like
any other service. only the key to the pad
lock takes the place of the ring, and wher
the key is handed to the groom the knot |.