The Irish standard., 1899-06-17

Then he flung away his cigar and
gazed earnestly at the smoldering
stump for five minutes, after which
he finished the cocktail, set down the
glass with crash and calculated:
"I'll do it.! Jove! if she doesn't call
that getting out of the rut, I'll give
it up
With one of the young mans ener-
getic disposition to think is to act, so
when he had finally decided to lure
the young woman's affections in the
direction of himself by means of a
personally conducted advertising cam
paign he lost no time in commencing
operations.
AS preliminary step in the mat
ter the young man hunted up his late
companion for the purpose of working
that individual for little information.
He didn't know much about the gentle
art of advertising himself, therefore he
felt the need of a few pointers, and
when he succeeded in locating his
friend in the billiard room watching an
exciting game he drew him off to one
side and propounded leading ques-
ton.
"See here, Tom," said he, you're a
journalist and must know something
about advertising. What are the essen
tial features of a good advertisements?
"What have you?" asked Tom. "a
dyspepsia cure, or new food for in
fants?"
Neither" replied Jack. II merely
have curiosity"
Gin that case" said Tom, "it can be
easily satisfied. Select couple of at
tractive catch-lines, fill in with n few
terse sentences, and if possible offer
something free. This sort of an adver-
tisement will sell anything that's
made"
"Ah! thanks" said Jack. "Close
game, isn't it?"
And he returned to the big chair.
His next move was to order news.
papers and writing materials. Then
he spent an hour diligently studying
the advertising columns of the papers
and examining the various forms OF
advertisements, following which he de.
liberated with himself concerning the
amount of space he should use. Con.
sidering the character of the goods, "
he concluded that delicate little space
of about three inches would be the
proper size, and that the best position
would be on the page where the fear
fully and wonderfully constructed
maidens were wont to pose arrayed in
the latest fashions. AS far as selecting
medium was concerned he didn't have
much trouble. He remembered that
Mollie's favorite newspaper was the
Saturday edition of the Evening Uni.
verse, which was largely devoted to
Styles" and he accordingly decided
to place his business in it's columns
Then he turned his attention to the
preparation of his first ad.
This, he found, looked easier than i,
really was. Good catch-lines failed tc
suggest themselves with any degree OF
promptitude, while the something
free" seemed absolutely impossible
But another examination of the news
papers obviated the former difficulty
and after long cogitation he hit or
an idea that overcame the latter;
whereupon he once more seized his per
with feverish haste, and finally sue
ceeded in producing an affair tina
struck him as being attractive. unique
and appropriate, and possessing quail
ties which he thought ought to have
some effect.
And the pioneer advertising cam
paign having for it's object the wooine
of woman was at last begun.
On the following Saturday adverts
ing circles were mildly amazed to see
in the usually sedate columns of the
Evening Universe this remarkable ad
vertisement:
MoLL1E KNOWS
all about the state OF my affections becaus,
have already given her information con
corning 1t. Moreover, she will doubtless be
able to recall the fact that on the occasion
of our last interview / intimated that
would not take mo" for an answer In this
connection wish to mention for her bene.
fit that while there are many thousands OF
words in the English language.
ONE GIVES RELIEF
If it is the right one. And will also sug.
gest that the little word Eyes" will relieve
me of further anxiety and make both her
and me happy for life.
To write yes and forwar I'd 1t to my ad
dress nothing more is required than sheet
of note paper, an envelope, and postage
stamp. will furnish these articles Free
on Request. JACK.
Now, there were several thousand
Mollies and an equal number of Jacks
in the city; therefore, these two names
failed to furnish a clew to the identity
OF either the advertiser or the "peo.
pie" he wanted to reach. OF course
there was much speculation INDUCED
in, and several theories were advanced;
but it was generally believed that the
advertisement was not to be taken seri.
ously-that it was merely a band.
wagon attempt on the part of some
enterprising manufacturer to attract
public attention preparatory to the ar,
rival of his main parade, and that this
space would ere long be filled with the
unrivaled merits of a new patent medi.
cine, beauty promoter, or brand OF
complexion soap.
Jack had counted on a condition
something like this following the ap.
pearance of his adj, SO he was perfect.
ly satisfied with the results.
True, he felt rather tremulous when
he considered the matter calmly, but
ncrved himself with the consolipp
thought that he certainly was getting
out of the rut.
The week passed very slowly to Jack.
Also, it passed without bringing reply