Hutchinson gazette., 1899-12-21
GROVELING TO LION.
OUR LlcKsPlTTLE ADMlNIsTRA-
TIoN'S UHAMERICANIsM.
Tho Fathers OF the Republic and tho
Constitution Made Ridiculous by tho
Action OF Mckinley, Hay Choats and
Others.

A long time ago, 30 long that there
are many who have not only forgotten
tho date, but the circumstance also,
q body of men, styling themselves "The
Thirteen United States OF America
In Congress-" Issued proclamation
which was one Of the most revolu
tlonary documents tho world ever saw,
styled ''the Declaration Of Indcpend-
ence," and recklessly flung II to the
breeze amid the shouts OF anarchists,
the ringing of bells and q prodlgal
waste OF powder, II was on the 4th OF
July, l776, and In some locations the
day ls still celebrated by small boys,
whose memory OF II is limited to
Chinese crackers, black eyes and
bloody noses,
The document was so radically
wrong, reasonable and subverslvo of
good and loyal government, that II be-
hooves us to repudiate and retract II
III justice to our mother country and
blot out the record Of 1t 80 far as we
can. 1t Is impossible for us to return
to the arms of our longing mother
anxlously waiting for us TO come and
with us bring our tenements, heredlt-
aments, railroads. gold mines, stocks
bonds and whatever else we have OF
value accumulated since we became
wayward children, without at least
npologizing for the incorporate haste
and misplaced zeal Of our forefathers
In charging our beloved parent coun-
try with all the crimes In the deca-
logue, and accusing her of the most
diabollcal infringements' upon human
rights.
II is not true, OH most noble en-
press and queen, house OF lords, com
mons, bank Of England, Baron Roths-
child, London cockneys, or to whomso-
ever else the government Of England
Is conaded, that our forefathers suf-
fered any Of the things mentioned in
that reasonable document. II Is not
true that any one ever suffered any
thing at your hands but the most be-
nign treatment. In testimony Of this
we have the evidence of our chief eX-
ecutive, the great Republican party,
our army and navy, our servants,
clerks, agents, attorneys and employees,
with Joe Choate as their mouthpiece;
tho theologlanN OF our wealthy uni
versities; our trusts, combines. syndi-
Gates and banks; our American beau
ties who have already married into
your nobility and carried their dowrles
into your eSchequers.
In the light of recent events, and
guided by the spirit that presides over
cur destinles, we do not believe that all
men are created equal, or are In any
manner endowed with inallenable or
any rights that merit respect. We
now believe that governments are in
stituted for the sole purpose of keep
Ing up and maintaining royal and i'm
perial dignity, and for the benefit Of
the importers and traders, spectators
and bunco men. We had no right to
alter or abolish your benign system
Of government, and in proof Of it, and
as reason for justifying our apology,
we are returning to 1t with rapid
strides. We confess that the alleged
train Of abuses" and your "usurpa-
tlons" had no foundation except in the
pessimistic brains of our anarchlstic
forefathers, and we believe with that
great and large-hearted patriot whose
followers are as numerous as the
voters for Mckinley, that popular SOW
ereignty Is a failure, government for
the people mere mob rule and that
there Is no decent or respectable gov
6rnment but monarchy
We are doing everything we can, be-
loved mother, to get back into your
sheltering arms. We owe you more
than we can ever pay, and have will
ingly more than paid our enormous
debt to you in interest, but are still
willing to keep on paying. We have
ruined our most valuable metallic
product for your sake, and we are
about to abolish everything but fiat
money so as not to interfere with your
cherished ambition to control all the
gold in the world We are opposed to
everything that you oppose, and we are
willing to mix into everything you see
tlt to grab. Indeed, we feel your great
kindness In taking us back after we
have done so much 10 merit your
eternal displeasure, SO much that we
are willing to exchange our bedraggled,
| renrehensihle eagle for a hnzznrh.