Evening star., 1899-04-08
GOLF AND GOLF UNIFORMS
An Observers Views on a Popular
Pastime and Its Devotees.
ANECDOTES OF WOMEN
Written for The Evening Star.


the circulation in any form of ideas that
are clearly a menace to the spirit of our
Americanism.
There is that about the very game of golf
that tends inevitably to denationalize and
Britishize the player, but the clothes they
wear-why, to my mind, Sardanapalus in
petticoats frivoling with the fall of his
empire is not clearer picture of decadent
nationality than is Freddie or Johnnie or
Willie in full golf regaiia.
1t isn't so bad on the links. That's in
the nature of private theatricals. and while
the chap who takes to that sort of thing
may need looking after by his mamma
that is purely a family affair and none of
my business. But when 1t gets so you can't
travel up and down Connecticut avenue
can't even take your innocent children on
the cars to the Zoo without encountering
the demoralizing spectacle of a mans per-
son-an American-'sickliedo o'er with the
thea trical effects of golf. it's time for some
body to say and do something.
1 have to stand this thing-these things
every day of my life, and l know by ex-
perience all the different kinds of evil they
provoke. 1 have just come out with one
now. l tripped over his clubs getting into
the ca. That made me mad-caused the
red-eyed spirit of socialism to rage within
my commonly gentle BOSOM Market Wo-
men and wash women are compelled to
leave their bundles outside the car. don't
know any reason why Albert Edward Jones
shouldn't do the same with his great awk-
ward golf bag. Then l had to sit opposite
him. and l couldn't help seeing him any
| more than you could help seeing a barber
| pole rearing directly under your nose. Now,
to look at thing like this tends inevitably
| to sim if not to crime. Either the display
| of wealth it makes fills me with covetous-
| ness or it so angers my Just soul to wit
| ness this creature with money to squander
on the absurd trickng of his sometime
manly person, while a poor, lean, ill-clad
youngster squeezed in the crowded car be-
side him plainly lacks the price of a square
| meal and clothes to keep him comfortable,
l filed with unholy zeal to throw
| bombs at the golf man in the interests of
humanity and a pure democracy. What a
pretty pyrotechnic piece he would be to
| touch off! My vis-a-vis in the car today
| wore Scotch cap of strange, dialect de-
sign-one that cried 'Hoot, mon!' far
| as you could see it. His stockings roared
Britannia.
| His shoes, yellow and properly ponderous
weighted on his wretched, thin, undevelop-
| ed legs as an Anglo-American alliance upon
the future Of the American people: His
necktie was red-or. as in color blindness
| from his British point of view, he would
| call it, pink. His clothes were of a distinct
God-save-the-queen cut and color-those he
wore. A golfer can't possibly wear all the
clothes he buys to dress his part, and, as
usual. this fellow carried q great many.
| On one arm he had a bulky English over
u,
| that is, pink-coat. and sweater of the same
hue. Just why he didn't have all his other
coats. and all his other pants and shirts
and stockings and necktie, hung about him
some place, l can't fancy. If l were max
| ing public display of dry goods and cloth
| ing, I'd actually show what l had in that
| line. Moreover, j can't sfancy either why
these fellows don't buy a few caddies and
carry them about town. Just think what a
ripping lot it would be to see, say, six cad
dies following at golfers heel out Con-
nactjcIIt and standing around him
in a car, each decorated with some extras
of his wardrobe that the man couldn't pos
| in for extremes. l like to see him go the
whole length. Still. l daresay one can't
reasonably expect even finished Imitation
| in our crude American civilization
x
Don't construe this as meaning that I
consider the mere playing golf as aping
English aristocracy; no. indeed. / have
been told so often that I understand per-
fectly how golf has possibilities of physical
culture Indispensable to a mans health and
vigor-once he's rich enough. Plain every
day walking for exercise, base ball. saving
wood-all these things. you know, do very
well for the health of department clerks,
people in trade and men who have to work
at profession; but a man has the
price of leisure in his pocket, the only way
he can keep in condition is to golf. / know
this is true because ever SO many men
have explained their golf clothes to me in
just this way; but while 1 am thus made
to perceive the necessity of their golf 1
do not by the same line of argument per-
ceive the necessity of their costumng. A
real, true American, driven by the figure
of his bank account and the force of his
| ennui to golf, would, 1 think prepare for
the game by simply pulling off his coat and
vest and cramming his trousers in his
boot tops. Thus I can picture Uncle Sam
himself golfing with clear conscience and
heart interrupted by the vanities of a
foreign aristocracy. l am happy to say,
too, there are Americans who seek the
links i'll a style little reproach to the
purity of their patriotism. There's one
golfer living down on Connecticut avenue
who protects the public from the conta-
gion of his Angio-mania by never going
about the streets dressed other than In the
democratic proprety in the sober earb of
rich and respectable American citizen.
but this man fills me with a new suspicion
In travelling to and from the links he is
always accompanied by small handbag
Just such as variety actress carries her
makeup in when she's going down TO the
beach to give an imitation of a lady bath
Ing. This man, after he reaches the club
Is lost to sight for half an hour or more
and when he emerges he has done himself
over-iooks such bonnie brav' golfer Won
want to call him Jamie, dear Jamie and
tell him how pretty he js especially the
curves of his legs. It's those curves that in
connection with his mysterious handbag
NIL me with wonder-wonder even more
than admiration. Do you suppose that
when he isn't using them for golf he keeps
the curves in his bag?
One of the worst things I've heard lately
OF how the circumstance of golf is en-
croaching upon the dignity. if not the
strength, of our democracy Is that morn
ming not. long ago Justice Harlan missed
mis- car getting in from the links where he
taxes a turn whsn the weather is fine be-
lore going tc the Supreme Court the con-
sequence being he hadn't time to stop at
nome, as his custom, and change his dress.
SO he went into court that day, his rustling
robe of office-the very ermine of American
3ustice-clinging to the John Bull of a golf
uniform underneath.
K X
1 have heard something else too-tbat the
enthusiast who goes around the links at
Chevy Chase on one leg and crutch has
SO Tar yielded to the insinuating vanity of
the sport that he has put a golf stocking
and pink garter on his crutch
x X
A Chevy Chase Club man has confided TO
me the true reason men always caddy and
Keep score for girls when they're PLAYING a
match 1t isn't affection or even gallantry
that prompts them, this man says. It's
| TO prevent the girls cheating and blunder-
IN In nnlrO