davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
BY MONTAGUE.

Hunger cures love.
Habit is a second nature.
A liar should have good memory.
We learn to live when life has passed
Age wrinkles the mind more than the
face.
It is easier to get money than to
keep it.
Anger has often been the vehicle Of
courage.
1t is more difficult to command than
to obey.
Ambition is the daughter of pre-
sumption.
Our minds are never at home, but
ever beyond home.
The mind is i'll at ease when it's COM
panton has the collie
The greatest masterpiece of man
is-to be born at the right time.
We are all richer than we think, but
we are brought up to go a-begging.
knowledge should not be stuck on
to the mind, but incorporated in it.
Life in itself is neither good nor bad;
it is the place of what is good or bad.
Irresolution seems to me the most
common and apparent vice of our ma
ture.
I will take care, if possible, that my
death shall say nothing that my life
has not said.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
THE FEMININE OBSERVER.

Why will women rouge If they can
not control their perspiration? ,
The reason why some persons are so
quiet is that they only say what they
think.
Are women grateful or mad at the
person who tells them their gown is
gaping at the back?
There is no grief in life that can
make woman look so absolutely
wretched as tight shoe.
A great deal of domestic unhappiness
could be avoided if wives would only
learn to let their husbands alone.
Until little girl refuses to have an
other birthday party her mother
needn't begin worrying about her
beaux.
It was a mean man who said he sent
his wife away for rest, and then ex-
planned that it was his own rest that
he meant.
If a woman had as little on her mind
as she has on her back in the latest
style of evening gown she would be
ight-headed, indeed.
If there are no children in the family
you might just as well resign yourself
to being bored by stories of the dogs
remarkable intelligence.
Why is it we are always so over
come with surprise when we discover
that something which is our palpable
duty is not disagreeable to us?
A good test for the right consistency
of jelly when boiling is to let it drop
from a spoon. If the last drop sticks
to the spoon it is sufficiently hard.
The man who is always clustering
about being nobody's fool is generally
the one who marries the silliest and
most extravagant girl in the neighbor-
hood.
A creaking door or hammock hook
which makes a hideous noise at times
can be silenced by rubbing hard brown
soap upon the hinges or where the
hooks rub together.
When a woman first starts house.
keeping you can wager that there are
more receipts for pies and buildings in
her purse than receipts for bills con-
tracted in the furnishing of the new
house.-Philadelphia Times.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
CONDENSED SMILES,

Tommy: Mamma, why have you got
papa's hair in a locket?" His mother:
''To remind me that he once had some,
Tommy. '-Jeweler' Weekly.
According to Prof. Proctor, "the sun
is 100000 times as large as the EARTH -
They must have an awful time hunt
ing for their north pole up there.-Tit-
Bits.
"Idler!" said the ant, scornfully.
"Me? answered the grasshopper. my
dear fellow, I have been on the jump
ever since I was born."-Indianapo
Journal.
II want to ask just one question, I'M
cle," said Sammy snaggs to his uncle,
hero of the Spanish war. Go on,
Sammy" (Which would you rather
eat, bareback or a mustard roll?"-
Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
my good woman" said the clergy
man to the sorely tried matron, Ibid
you ever try heaping Goals of fire on
your husbands head?" mo, your rive
erence, but Olive thrown lighted lamp
at him once or twice. "-Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
''The young men Of the present day."
said the elderly person, "have great ad-
vantages over the young men of my
day, both in education and business
training" "But the trouble is" said
the young man, they have no advant-
age over one another. '-Indianapolis
Journal.
did I hear you say, conductor, that
the locomotive was at the rear end of
the train?" Eyes, ma'am. We've got
a locomotive at each end. It takes an
extra one to push us up the mountain"
Dear, dear, what shall I do? I'm al
ways so sick if ride with my back to
the locomotive. "-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Bobby's Mamma: Nov, mind, Bob
by, If they pass you the cake a second
time at the party, you must say, No,
thanks, I've had plenty And don't
you forget it," Hostess (at the party):
won't Bobby have some more cake %
Bobby (who hasn't forgoten): '*c!ope,
thanks! I've had enough, an don't
you forgit it. '-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
PARAGRAPHS WITH POINTS.

The memory of some politicians is
so poor that it could not stand an in
come tax.
The newly discovered infantile pa
ralysis may sooner or later tackle the
boy orators.
There is evidently everything in a
name. Phil Graves is an undertaken
in an Ohio village.
New Jersey is famous for it's num-
erous watering places. Most of the
trusts are formed in that state.
The heather worship an idol of stone
but nothing short of an idol of gold
seems to satisfy civilized men.
The labor leader who prevents
strikes earns his salary. The Brother
hood of Locomotive Engineers is a.
shining proof Of this assertion.
It must pain Mr.. Astor when he con-
templates the chilly Indifference shown
by the English over their latest acqui-
sition in the line of citizenship.
"Whiskey is steady" says late mar
ket report. Perhaps it is, but the man
with several fingers Of it concealed IN
der his vest is apt to be otherwise.
BY seeking to make Admiral Schley
responsible for the sinking of the Mer-
rimac the bureau of fabrication con-
cedes that was not such. brilliant idea
after all. =
There was executed at New Orleans
the other day an Italian who had kill
ed eight persons, but as the taking off
was legal affair, Italy will hardly
l demand rake-off on the transaction.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
KEELEY CURE INFLUENCES.
Thousands Of the Best Customers Of
the Saloon Reformed. -

Thousands Of the Best Customers Of
the Saloon Reformed.
T. Saloonkeeperss hate the. Keeley. Cure
because it has had a powerful influ-
ence against their business. Their best
customers have taken the cure, and ev-
cry year the saloons in the large cities
grow fewer and fewer. They are
about all owned nowadays by the
breweries.
It is not 1nfrequent that some Kee-
ley Graduate remarks: II used to pay
for at least two licenses a year." Or:
Il supported such and such a saloon
keepers family for so many years."
It is not so unreasonable when you
come to think of it. A young man
earns, say, $1,000 a year. He barely
pays his living expenses, generally
runs into debt and Injuries himself ply
sically, just to have a "good time (?)
with the boys" There are hundreds
In the small towns and thousands in
the cities who do this regularly. The
bulk of their earnings goes for liquOr.
This is one reason why so many:
young young men do not marry. They
spend all their earnings for drink and
In conviviality, and save nothing. The
treating habit has ruined more men
than bullets have killed in battle.
The influence Of the Kelley Cure has
been wonderful. Thousands Of young
men who formerly expended their en-
tire earnings for liquor now save their
money. They can afford to marry now,
and many happy homes result. But it
Is in the homes where misery formerly
held sway that the Kelley Cure has
done it's wonderful work.
The unpretentious Kelley Institute,
which is located at the corner of Tenth
street and Park avenue, Minneapolis,
has saved thousands of men from the
drink habit and helped them to take
their places among manly men.
Many have been ruined by fraudu-
lent cures. The Kelley Cure is the
only real one. Kelley literature will
be sent promptly if interested parties
will write to 629 Tenth street south,
Minneapolis, MINI.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Origin of the Elevator.
Hl512aa Zz,!:l6zH

The elevator originated in Central
Europe. The earliest mention of the
elevator is made in letter of Napole-
on l, addressed to his wife, the Arch
duchess Marie Louisa. He writes to
her that when in Schoenbrunn, then
the summer residence of the Austrian
emperor, near Vienna, he used the
"chaise volante" flying chair in that
castle, which had been constructed for
Empress Maria Theresa. 1t consisted
of a small, square room, sumptuously
furnished with hangings of red silk,
suspended by strong ropes with count
er weights. so that it could be pulled
up or let down with great ease, in
shaft built for the purpose about 1850.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
ODDS AND ENDS.

It is now proposed to save the PAIL
sades by popular subscription.
Music-boxes for bicycles are now
manufactured by a firm in Hamburg.
Germany.
An English traveller declares that
the least interesting country in the
world to visit to be Korea.
Mr.. Pumpkin-vine-on-th
die Is the name Of an Indian at Major
Woodson's agency. - Kansas City
Journal.
Six companies have been formed in
Baltimore for manufacturing automo-
biles. Two of these already are in
operation.
A large dog and horse had a fierce
battle at Hackensack, N. j., few days
ago, In which the latter came off VIC
tor1ous, the dog being killed.
Including the cost of passage and
back, four months trip from England
to India can now be made for about
$1,000 first-class, and $1,000 second
class.
"That editor" said the humorist, sis
sour and grabbed enough, 1 must say"
"Ah, I see," remarked his friend, "you
mean he won't take a joke. "-Phila-
delphia Bulletin.
Austria is the country most 1enient
to murderers. In ten years over eight
hundred persons were found guilty OF
murder, of whom only twenty-three
were put to death.
Warrington (England) town council
has just issued an order penalizing the
delivery of milk later than 10 a. m. on
Sundays. The order is under the
Lords day act of 1875.
"They tell me, Grimley, that your
daughter sings with great expression"
Greatest expression you ever saw.
Her own mother can't recognize her
face when she's singing"- Boston
Traveller.
Cuba and Porto Rico used to buy an
nually $5,000,000 worth of shoes of
Spanish manufacture, and a clumsy ar
ticle they were. A much better grade
of American shoes is selling in the is
land now for SO per cent less.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
RULES FOR GETTING RICH.

Save your pennies
Be careful of your health.
Learn to know good people from
bad.
Be reliable. That's the golden rule
of business.
Be sure not to put all your money
eggs into one basket.
See that your head isn't lame. It
doesn't matter about your legs.
Take good care Of your money. It
isn't half as hard to earn it as it is to
take care of it.
Study not how you can spend the
money you have earned, but how you
can make more.
Keep on earning money. II you
stop earning your fortune will shrinA,
as your arm does when you don't ex-
ercise it.
Watch the people who want to take
your money from you. The more
money you get the more such people
there will be. /
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

Congressman Botkin. Of Winfield, Kan.
and Man-alin. I have been afflicted
more or less for quarter of century
with catarrh of the stomach and con-
stlpation. A residence in Washington
mas Increased these troubles. A few
bottles Of your medicine have given
me almost. complete relief, and I ana
sure that continuation of them will
erect permanent cure. Pe-ru-na is
surely a wonderful remedy for catarrh-
al affections"
J. D. Botkin.
The most common form of summer
catarrh is catarrh Of the stomach. This
is generally known as dyspepsia. Con-
gresham Botkin was a victim of this
disease twenty-five years. Pe-ru-na
cures these cases like magic. Address
Or. Hartman, Columbus, O., for a FREQ
book.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

THE diplocoGus which has just been
uncovered in Wyoming" remarked Mt.
Pitt, land which will be brought to the
Pittsburg museum. is an animal which
stood twenty feet high at the hips"
Eyes, it comes high. but we must
have it," added Mr.. Penn.-Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

The earnings Of the Chicago Great
Western maple Leaf Route" for
the first week in September pta abe r. 1922
tai increase since beginning Of fiscal
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Baltimore and Ohio Railroads. New
Locomotives.

Baltimore and Ohio Railroads New
Locomotives.
The Baltimore and Ohio Rail Road
has ordered thirty-three cylinder com.
pound consolidation freight locomo-
tives from the Baldwin Locomotive
Works.
The cylinders are to be Is inches and
% inches in diameter with 3O-inch
stroke. The drivers are 81 inches in
diameter, with a driving-Wheel base Of
10 feet 4 inches, and total wheel base
Of % feet inches. The tenders will
have 5000 gallon water capacity, 8
tons coal capacity and weigh $4,000
pounds.
The boilers are to be of the extended
wagon-top type, 81 inches in diameter
at front end. When these locomotives
are completed the Baltim ore and Ohio
Rail Road will have 1877 freight en-
yines, each exceeding in weight 175, 900
pounds.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
PATENTS.
List OF Patents Issued Last Week to

List OF Patents Issued Last Week to
Northwestern Inventors.
Hans A. Aim, Hankinson, N. D.,
stamp handle; John N. Goldberg, Hop
kins, Mimi, photograph holder; Flo
rian e. Hansen, Minneapolis, Mimi,
support or holder for dish covers; Ar
thur f: Page, DeSmet, S. D., sieve for
separators, tanning mills, etc.; Larkin
5: Stafford, Kelso, N. D., automatic
sink opener; John Sandquist, Cokato,
Mimi, steam boiler; Herman Stein.
Georgetown, Mimi, straw stacker;
Charles L. Travis, Minneapolis, Mimi,
oller gearing.
Merwin, Lothrop & Johnson, Patent Attor-
neys. I'll & 912 Pioneer Press Bldg, St, Paul
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Signs Of Promise.

'"This, young man." said the profess
or in the Transvaal, simply Iets me go
on asking questions without attempt
ing to answer them"
"So!' exclaimed Dom Paul. I'll make
diplomat Of him. He'll be credit
to the family" -Washington Star.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Easy.

Easy.
81 understand Johnkins, who has the
farm where I boarded, is in easy cir
cumstances" said the summer board
er.
Zone of the easiest men in the coun-
try" answered the village grocer. Air
you in the gold-brick line ?'-Indianap-
oils Journal.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
No LRrnin,.

'Do you think the Popu1ist will fig
ure in the next election?' asked the
stranger in the Tennessee mountains.
II dunno about the Populist around
here" said the cracker; @you see,
stranger, thar are precious few Of 'em
kin figger at all."-Chicago News.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

Count-What! You won't have me
for a son-in-law because I have no
debts? What do you mean by that?
Capitalist-Very simple. If 1 don't
have to pay your debts, you won't have
any respect for me as your Katherine
law, and I don't want son-in-law who
is lacking in respect.-Unsere Gesell-
schaft.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
"No Beginning"

Is the title of a book of profound and
convincing arguments that matter had
no beginning and can have no ending.
1t is a work for the student, thinker
and investigator. Circulars of CON-
mendations sent free by w. H. Maple,
164 La Sale St., Chicago, Ill.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Over-TaxeS Courtesy.

tits too bad" said Mrs. Corntossel
whats too bad?" inquired her hus-
band.
"l'm kind O sorry for Mr.. Dewey.
He seems to be a nice, accommodat1n'
man, who wouldn't wat to hurt any
ones feelin's. But if he drinks all the
drinks an wears all the clothes that
have been named after him, he's goin'
to be mighty uncomfortab le.-Wash-
ington Star.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Horse on Him.

"Got a good joke on myself" said
the man who had accumulated little
property by hard work. II asked my
wife what was the difference between
me and horse, intending to say that
was forehanded man and the horse
was a fourfooted beast. What do you
suppose she said?"
''Give it up," said the other man.
'Said she guessed it must be the
length Of my ears. "-Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

Quinn-Dick's father must be a rail-
road man.
De Fonte-What makes you think
SO?
Quinn-Because when Dick lost on
the races and wrote home for money.
his father replied in four words.
De Fone-What were they?
Quinn-"Keep off the track."-Chica-
20 News.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
The Busy Pug.

TIC BUSY rug.
The heights to which our great men
climb
Are not attained by sudden flight;
For they, while others waste their
time.
Are training daily for the fight.
Philadelphia MATHEMATICIAN.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

Would Probably be High-Prtced,
She-What a lot Of things they're in
venting now; chainless wheels and
horseless carriages, and all those
things.
He-l wish they would invent end
less acations.-Brooklyn Life,
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

The microbes that cause chills and
fever and malaria enter the system
through mucous membranes made
porous by catarrh. Pe-ru-na heals
the mucous membranes and pre-
vents the entrance of malarial
germs, thus preventing and curing
these affections.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Clever Wheelman.

Henpeck- about your trick
wheelmen! You should see Under
them.
Hoambody-Clever, is he?
Henpeck Il should say so. Why, he
can guide his baby carriage through
the worst kind Of crowd without
touching the handle bar.-Catholic
Standard and Times.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Still More Counterfeiting.

The Secret Service has just un-
earthed another band of counterfeitera
and secured a quantity of bogus bills,
which are very cleverly executed.
Things Of great value are always Sc
iected for imitation, notably Hostel
tcr's Stomach Bitters, which has many
1mitators but no equals for disorders
like indigestion, dyspepsia and consti-
patton.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

Easy.
Billy-When dey pinched Jimmy dey
foun' list of names marked "Well-to-
do citizens" What did dat mean?
Micky-It meant dat dey wuz we'll to
"do."-Chicago News.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

Long Words.
If you would win the worlds respect
For what you have to tell,
First learn to use four syllables
Where one would do as WELL
Chicago Times-Herald.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

When Dame Fortune knocks at the
door she often finds the man inside too
lazy to life the latch.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
$500 PER WEEK,

We will pay salary Of $500 per week and
expenses for with rig to Introduce
Poultry Compound and L'ce Killer in the eoun-
try. Ref. required. Address, with stamp, Acme
Mfg. Co., East Des Moines, Iowa.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

believe Piso's Cure is the only medicine
that will cure consumption.-Anna M.
Ross, Williamsport, Pa, Nov IL, '95
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
HIGHLY Skilled.

'Is your mandolin club proficient"
eyes; we can all chew gum and play
ut the same time -Chicago Record.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Read the Advertisements.

You will enjoy this publication much
better if you will get into the habit of
reading the advertisements; they will
afford a most amusing study, and will
you you in the way Of getting some ex-
cellent bargains. Our advertisers are
reliable; they send what they adver-
tse.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

The only covering of the rivers bed
is a sheet of water.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
a Definition.

Little Mike (WnO has struck a hard
place in his reading)-Father, phwat's
Il vampire?
McLubberty-G'wan wild yez. Whoy
don't We use yure eyes an ears whin
yuz have chance? Begorra! a YAM
pire is the Teller that gifts bate to
death at ball game!-Puck.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

writing to MrS. P1nkham at Lynn, Mass.
MRS. CORA gibson, Yates, Manistee
Co., Mich, writes:
dear MRS. P1NKHAM-Two years ago
began having such dull, heavy, drag
ging pains in my back, menses were pro-
fuse and painful and was troubled with
leucorrhoa. I took patent medicines
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

A coquette always has more fools
than wise men on her string.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Theirselve. ana themselves.

Themselves ana Themselves.
I Professor" said ;. the young man
who was struggling to get an educa-
ton shall speak Of the people not
liking to hear the truth about their
foolish selves? '-Indianapolis Journal.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

| All Intestinal Troubles Prevented.
| Ten cents worth Of prevention saves fortunes
| In doctor bills and funeral expenses 1Oc buys
| a box of Cascarets Candy Cathartic Drug
| gsts, 10c. 25c &c.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
The Final Stare

The final Stage.
Banks is in a bad way. financially"
"All his money gomez"
"Wcrse. He can't borrow any more"
-PL tiladelphia North American.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

Myself Cured, After Repeated Failures,
viii inform addicted to Morphine. .Laudanum,
Opium, Cocaine, Of never failing, harmless, home
cure. Mrs. M H. Baldwin. Box 1912, Chicago, Ill.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Long Words.

Mrs. Wlns1ow's soothing Syrup.
For children teeth1ng, SOftens the gums reduces
nammat1on. allays pain. cures wind collie 25c bottle
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

a CAPABLE mother must be healthy mother
~ The experienced maternity shouldno be approached
n ~ without careful physical preparation.
Correct and practical counsel what the
be mother this without by
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

The lender frequently finds that bor-
rowing dulls the edge Of memory.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
Not Entirely Hopeless.

Not Entirely Hopeless.
Capt. 'Bif'' McElumph (of the Goat.
vile Terrors)-Make a hit, Swipsey, or
de game is lost.
Swipsey-Hully gee! Don't lose yer
noive! 1 kin lick de umpire meself!-
Philadelphia North American.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

No man ever turns deaf ear to adj
vice that comedies with his views.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28

Halls Catarrh Cure
Is constitutional cure. Price, 75c.
The Cook County herald. [volume] (Grand Marais, Minn.) 1893-1909, 1899-10-28
SUFFERED Is YEARS,

In a recent letter to DR.. Hartman.
Congressman otkin, says:
MY Dear Doctor-Iit gives me pleas
ure to certify to the excellent curative
qualities of your medicines-Pe-ru-na