The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-18
MEDIrArI0Ns OF MIR. DooLEY.
On a Hero who Has worked Over
Ionrnal.l

-lChicago J~ournal.)
"WeH, sir" said Mr.. Dooley, 1T
looks now as if they was nothing left
fr me young frind Aggynaldoo TO do
but time. Like as not a year firm now
he'll be in Jail. like Napoleon, tn inn
pror iv tn Fr-rinch was in his day,
an, Mike, tn Burglar, an other path
rites. That's what m lV bein' a
pathrite too long. tbs a good job whin
uhey'se nawthin else to do, but It's not
tn thing to wurruk overtime at. It's d
sort iV out-iv-dure poort that We shud
engage in durin' tn summer vacation,
but whin a man carries 1t on drrln'
business hours people begin to get down
on him, an afther awhile they're ready
to hang him TO get him out ~ tn a
AS Hogan says, TIL las thing that
happens to a pathrite he's a scoun-
dhrel.'
Last summer there wasn't a warmer
pathrite anywhere in our imperyal do
minions thin this same AgSynalGoo. l
was with him mesilf. Saws l; ":hey'se
a good coon,' 1 says. He'll help lis FIR
to make tn PhliDDeens .indioiniant
on US FIR support says l, an whin' tn
blessins iv civilization has been ixtind> d
TO his beloved country an. l says,
they put up intarnal rivinue offices an
postoffices,' l says, wen give him a
good job as a letter carrier l SAYS.
where he won't have anything to do
1 says, but walk, l says.
An so tn consul at Ding Dong, tn
man that r-run that ind iv tn war, be
says to Aggynaldoo: Co. he says,
where glory waits ye,' he says. Go an
sthrike a blow he says, FIR ye're coun-
thry,' he says. Go, he avs, III stay,
but you 60 he says. They'se nawthin'
in Stayin', an we might get hold w a
tyrannical watch or a pocketbook down
beyant,' he says. An off wint III brave
pathrite to do his jooty. lie done it,
too. Whin Cousin George was pastin'
tn former hated CASTLES who was it
stood on tn shore shootin' his bow-an'-
arrow into tn sky, but Agsynaldoo?
Whin me fr-rind Central Merritt was
ladin' a gallant charge again blank
cartridges who was it ranged his noble
ARMY iv Dathrites behind him FIR to
see that no wan attacked him firm
tn sea but Aggynaldoo? He was n good
mar thin-a good noisy man.
TIL thrubble was he didn't know
whin to knock off. He didn't hear tn
wurruk bell calm him to come in firm
playin' ball an get down to business.
Says me Cousin George: A~ggynaldoC,
me buck he says, TIL war is over he
says, AN we've settled down TO tn oil
game he says. They're no more heroes.
All iv thin has gone to wurruk tr tn
magazines. sThey're no more pathrites,'
he says. They got jobs as gOv'nors or
ARE lookin' FIR thin or anything else
he says. All tn orom'nint savivors iv
their country he says, but mesilf,' he
says, is busy preparin' their dehnse.
he says L nave no definse,' he says,
but I'm where they can't reach HE,
he says. TIL sport is all out iv tn
job an if ye don't come IN an jine tn
thin masses iv wage wurrukers.' lie
la we won't wen have tn credit iv
bein' licked in a gloryous victhry,' he
so to tn wood pile vita ye.' he
'fr we can't go on c~illybratin' tn
Foorth iv July without bein' took up
fr d%isordhly conduct he says.
An Aggynaldoo doesn't Undherstand
it. An he gathers his Archery club
ar'round him an says ne: Fellow
pathrites,' he says, we've been bctray-
ed, he says. We've been sold out with
out he says, 'gettin' tn usual commits
sion,' he says. Were still heroes he
says, an our Pitchers is in tn ua-aD-
ers,' he says Go in he says, an
q blow at tn gay decsiVers.' he
An tn Archery club wint in. Til path
rites wint up again a band iv Kansas
that was Wanst heroes before
they larned tn hay-foot-SthraW-fOOt, /
an is now arnin' tn wages iv a good
harvest hand all tn year ar'round an
q rather nght tnan ate IN ar rmy
beef. an We know what happened. Some
iv tn por divvles iv heroes is liberated
firm tn cares iv life, an III crest iv
thin is up in threes an wishin' they
was home smokin' a good seegar with
An all this because A~ggynaldoo
didn't near tn whistle blow. lie thought
tn boom was still on in IN hero bust
ness. If he'd come in ye'd be hearin'
James Hatch Aggynaldoo'd been
appinted foorth-class pastmasther at
but now tn mex ye
know " hin he'll be on tn biotter at
III polls station; James Haitch Aggy-
laldoo, alias PomDydoor Jim, charged
carryin' concealed weapons an
-aysistin' an officer Pathritism always
lies whin ye establish a polio foorce."
We'll" said Mr.. Hennessey, I'm
Kind iv sorry FIR tn la-ads with III
oows-an'-arrows. Maybe they think
pathrites."
"Divvle tn bit iv difference it makes
they think. so long as We don't
So" said Mr.. Dooley. IT'S what
Kelly calls a case iv mayhem ct
:hew EN-. That's Latin, Hinnissy, an
t names what's wan mans food is an
)ther mans pizen."