The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-02-26
S%UBURBANvELLE DIVIDED.
TORY BP 4 FEUD THAT GREW OUT
or TWO PRACTICAL JOKES.


The danger OF lettering between the lines
in Suburbanvllle Ia 80 acute Just now that I
think II will be wise for me tn stay in town for
a few days. said Mr.. Suburbnnite after max
Ing n strenuous Kick At the club service Just to
show that committing had not dulled his al
legged discrimination IN such details. You
zee. | have friends In both camps. and 7 was
present when hostilities began. The Mccoy
Hatfield feud compares with the Brown. Ad-
ans teud Of Suburbnnvllle as thirty cents does
with a dollar gold. Three church societies.
two yacht clubs. the Young Mems Christian
Debating. Bowling and Park Improvement
Society. the Baptist Boys Brigade. and eight
euchre and whist clubs are now involved In
Il. and a man who doesn't declare himself for
Brown or Adams Is looked :upon with suspi-
cton by both sides. l can't hedge. and / can't
honestly range myself with either faction. so
l fed. skipped. disappeared. and faded out OF
sight temporarily. 1t will take this row about
n week to blow over. and In the meantime II
any one from Suburbanville inquiries for me
here Just say that l am out.
These little affairs lend variety TO life in
the suburbs. Brown began this one as n Joke
en- Adams. and Adams retaliated with o Joke
on Brown, and then came the row. Adams's
greatest fadis the collecting OF souvenirs. from
SPOONS rurloined from restaurants and hotels
W llcCSo VI MAI w CnlpIeu. from JOmDSUOneS
and bits Of wood from celebrated houses. His
W house is filled with this sort OF Junk. each
piece labelled. and he bores people bv ex-
planning them. 1t was during the hot weather
last July that this affair began. Three or
four of us wero on Browns piazza one very
hot afternoon, wearing as'few clothes as de-
cency would permit, when way down the long
dusty road we saw Adams coming. wearing a
suit OF conspicuously white fiannels. Brown
was fretful. and the vision OF Adams didn't
please him..
1 went over to Adams's house yesterday
he said. to discuss the yacht club troubles and
he led me from cellar to garret showing me
his oil. junk. I'll fix him II he comes here
AS Adams came on the piazza Brown
greeted him cordially. and when he was COM
fortably stretched out in Il steamer chair he
said:
Its lucky you came = in. old man. I've
got something which l think you will appreci-
ate. l was thinking OF sending 1t over TO Van
Tassel. but he doesn't-care much for those
things
" is it. a.souveDir?' asked Adams eagerly.
" 1t is said Brown solemnly, and a very
valuable one. 1t became necessary several
weeks ago TO chop down one of the trees at
Waslhngton's old home at Mount Vernon.
This tree. according to authentic records, was
standing when Washington lived there. An
uncle Of mine who happened 10 be visiting the
place secured a section Of this tree for me.
From II portion Of i, | have had a frame made.
Now. perhaps. you would like the rest of it,
"Would like it!'.exclaimed Adams. why.
man l would value It higher than anything in
collection. May / have it?'
"Certainly.' said Brown. and III get it for
you now
when Brown reappeared from his cellar
he bore on his back a log about four feet long
and fully u foot and a half in diameter HI
said afterward that he hated to part with 1t
because it was one Of a lot Of big logs which
he had bought for back logs in his new fire.
place. Adams was greatly excited.
That's f1ne.' he exclaimed. If you don't
mind III take it homo now and label it. Then
] will invite you all to come over and see it
Pretty warm day for such a load said
Brown: and II you chose, to leave 1t here l
don't think it would be stolen, One of the SER
wants might split it up for kindling wood. how
I'll take no such chances said Adams.
We helped him balance that old log on the
back of his new white coat and while we were
dong Il Jones came 70 our rescue by saying:
The Eia%aaeih that i@tn followed os"s sue s%rp Dnse IN ADAMS i a lns Is
| don't see any Joke in that said Adams.
must be hard ~ for something to laugh
That's the explanation said Brown. but. |
really. the bark on a log is funny
AS ADAMS SIuTlel Duck uDWn the uuStV
street he could hear US shouting at the. Joke
FROM FS $s,S IA $Ss% "a ns saIs f Rs \ lind '1 1Ss
mark of Georges Ratchet in T. probably. 1t
makes me warm, lust TO watch him stagger
with his old junk
We watched Adams bending under his load
until he turned the corner. and the SUCCESS Of
the scheme made every one Joyous. When 1t
got cool that evening we all walked down to
house TO sec his relic. He had it nailed
IN QUAR- IA HFATlnuA. all snI
he used w, all tha plnts that, remained in a
ease which had Leen sent to him on mis- birth
to be right and as we drank them we
said: Here's TO the bark on q log. and Adams
that he could make II better Ioke than
III was, 100 good a thing to keep to our.
selves and within two DAYS every one In Sub
log and burned Il. and | must admit that when
rom Dick and Harry offered him cellar doors.
and old barns from George Wash
ingtDn's home he grinned and said pleasant-
y 1T was a good one. wasn't it,
brown never lost an opportunlty to rub 1t
his chance. 1t did not come until lasJ week:
me evening on the siX-tnirty: Adams and
ing OH the train Brown. who Is very near
sighted, STEPPED on the skirt OF a woman in
ping goods, and as the woman turned around
and Brown began 10 apologize. Jones said:
There is one train that you haven't missed.
Browns apology ended in n laugh
and the woman whose skirt had been ripped
resented 1t,
:" You are a boor. sir. and YOU ought 10 be
pshamed OF yourself she said, and before
Brown could admit that he was ashamed OF
himself she had gone.
She looked like an Italian. Brown. and it
was lucky that her husband was not with her
or YOU would have had trouble said Adams.
Tive days later. when Brown turned up ut
the station for the nine-three 10 town. he
10 Dked worried. He connded To Van Tassei:
I'm in serious trouble he said, and / want
your advice. Perhaps YOU remember my
on a woman's skirt coming up in tho
tram night before last Well. when got
home last night. | found Mrs. Brown walking
up and down the hall very much agitGted.
NV daughter was in the library weeping.
Good heavens, Mrs. Brown.' said /.
has happenedT 1872
DON'T speak t" me, sir, dom Won speak"
she said. and then rather iDcOnsiStenIlv she
Give me an explanation OF This ut
oncr.n
"'"This" WAS a letter addressed to me which
read: Sir, IL il my mis- fortune TO live In The
town with YOU, ana as circumstances
may bring us together socially j am going 10
to YOU frankly. Last might you nearly
tore M wife's skirt of, and instead of Offering
her an apology You laughed in her face.
have learned that You are Il churchman and
the father of II family. nm an Italian and OF
noble family. Our race Is quick To resent II
wrong. Now. sir, you must send me an alb
apology for your Iudeness To my wife. and
In II YOU must admit that You were intoxicated