Arizona republican. [volume] (Phoenix, Ariz.) 1890-1930, 1899-10-21
MR. DOOLEY'S ADVICE
TO THE COURT


Dooley said in conclusion). as 1 set il
that there coort surrounded be me fell
low journalists. spies. parjurers. an
other statesmen. that I'd give four dol
lars if tn prisidint IL tn coort'd cal
out: "Mousoo Dooley, take tn stand.
Here says l, an Id thread me wa
With dignity through tn Fr-rineh GIN
rails an ministers on tn fufe an give
me hand to tn prisidint to kiss. If he
whit amy further I'd break his head
No man'n kiss me. Hihnissy. an live
What's that We say? He wudden't
want TOP We'll, livir mind.
Here says 1. ''Mong Colonel
what dye want with me7''
What dye know about this case,
dong Bartinder7'' =
'HNawthin', says I. but I know as
much as annywan else. I know more
thin most iv thin la-ads down below,
f'r l can't understand wufrud We
say. so I'm enable 1 says. ''f'f to
make mistakes I won't give amy It's
timony, because 'tWud be out iv place
in this sacred tirnple devoted to tn
practive IL ofathrF'' I says. but 1 can
make as good a speech as annywaIt.
an here goes.
Gin'ral Merceer-May I ask this
BOHuIRd NiLneSS Wdn question.
TIL Witness" down. We infa-
nous OF po1throon,' says I. set down.
an pondher ye'er sins.s 1 says. IF We
had ye'er dues ye'd be cOoprin a bari
in tn pinitinchry. II we're afraid il
tn Impror Willum. be hivins. We want
to be afraid iv tn Impror Dooley, FIR
he's Dutch an Gintletnen, prisoner at
tn bar freeman that ought to be there
layers, gin'rals. ex-prisidints. former
Numbers iv TIL cabinet an you, me
gin rous confreres IL tn Wurruld )
press. I come firm a land where injus
tice is unknown, Where iV'ry man is
akel befure tn law. but some are bet
Their thin others behind it, where tn
accused always has fair thrile. aye
Their, I says, lin tn Criminal coort, or
at tn coroner's inquest" 1 says. 81
have just been in another country.
where such conduct as we've Witnessed
here wud be unknown at a second
thriles,' I says. We Anglo Saxons,
ARE tn salt iv tn earth, an don't ye
f'rget 1t, boys. All our affairs ARE in
ordher. We convict no innocent men
an very few guilty vans. perjury is
unknown amongst US. we have no mil
itary scandals, an our private life is
beyond rebuke. So we have tn time
an tn inclination to study tn vile
offenses iv our neighbors and give thin
advice free iv cost An that is why
I'm here today, in this degraded coun-
thry, to tell We what's tn matther with
We an what ye ought TO do.
An this is me opinyOn: 1 don't think
Cap Dhryfuss wr-rote tn borderoo:
think he was tn on'y man in Fr-rance
that didn't But I amt got so high an
ais1'f
no purity brigade but tn older l git tn
more I think wan wifes enough fr
amy man, an too many FIR some"
They war a time, Cap. whin twas
thought iv takin' We firm tn
DivvIe's Own island an maxim We
prisidint iv tn Women's Rescue
league. But I'm afraid Cap, we're dis
qualified FIR that position be what
we've heerd firm ye'er own lips durin'
tn thrile. Ye lost a good job. Thin
there ARE some other things about We
I don't understand. I can't make out
what We meant be pretindin' to go to
lily an doublin back into Germany,
IN I wish FIR me own peace " mind all
We er explanations mate. But. sure.
f ivry man that was too free with his
affections was to be stint to tn Divvle's
own island they'd have to build an tx
sort. An if suspicious actions was
proof iv guilt. 1nong colonel. ye'd have
h nimbers iv tn gin'ral staff sthrung
lp in as NANNY cages as We see at TIL
geological gardens. daughter an
:ries iv "Veev Dooley.')
TIL throuble is Mong Colonel. la
lies an gintlemen, that it amt been
zap Dhryfuss that's been on thrile, but
h honor il tn nation an tn honor |
V tn ARMY. If twas tn Cap that !
vas charged ye'd say to him: Cap. |
We haven't any proof against We. but !
We don't like ye an yell have to move
m, an that'd be tn end IL tn row. |
The Cap'd go over TO England an go !
nto tn South African n1inin' business |
m become what Hogan calls a Casey's /
bellows. But because some la-ad on /
n gin'ral staff got caught lyin' in tn /
tart an had to lie some more to make /
n first wan stick. an tn other gin rails /
lad to jine him FIR fear he might COM
promise thin if he wint on tellin' his /
airy stories. an they was la-ads r-run- /
lin newspapers in Paris that needed
o make little money out iv tn poppy
alton, We said: TIL honor iV tn
Tr-rinch people an tn honor iv tn
Tr-rinch ARMY is on thrile,' an we
luJ MIN III To QcCk i15lSdu N III Zap
III honor iv Fr-rance is all right, me
10Y. an will be so long as tn Fr-rinch
newspapers is not read out IL Paree.'
says. An if tn honor iv tn F'r-rinch
r rmy can stand thin pants that ye
lew out IL r-rcd flannel f'r thin. lit
lie threachery won't injurc it at ali,
avs Yes says l. TIL honor iv FIR
&nce an tn honor iv tn ar-rmy'n
ONE out all fright l says. but It
-udden't do amy harm frto sind tn
onor iv TIL Fr-rinch gin'rals to tn
lundhry,' 1 says. I think ye'd have
o sind Gin'ral MERCER to TIL dyer's.'
says. sYe niver can take out tn
pots an it might as well all be tn
anne color, 1 says 'Mong Colonel l
avs Increasingly, so long as ivry man
1oks out FIR his own honor tn honor
? the counthryIl look out fr itsilf, I
avs. No wan liver heard IL q nation
EeaIin & lead pipe or cOmmittin per