davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
A woman,s blur.

OF course you know the story Of the
woman who heard two men at hotel
table discussing her very impertinent-
~ in German, whereupon she very po-
litely asked one of them for the salt in
German. It's very old story, and
sometimes the language is French, and
the salt is left out, but the story is the
same, and goodness only knows how
many writers, from Howells up and
from Howells down, have told it with
variations. So old it is that when a
woman know began to tell it to me
the other day as personal experience
! felt the JOY that one feels at meeting
anew an old friend
Il was in a car" she began, "and
two men sat opposite me. OF course l
knew they were talking about me. I'd
have known it even If they had
been speaking Sanskrit, which they
weren't. They were .gossiping in Ger
man. stood it as long as could, and
then l dropped my purse. One of the
men instantly picked it up. Thank
you,' / said in German My dear, if
you could have seen those mems faces!
They didn't say another word for six
blocks"
But what were they saying about
your
"Oh," said she cheerily, II haven't
an idea. don't know one word Of
German but Thank you"
And wonder If the woman In the
story who asks for the salt well, per
haps her request, too, was what in the
vernacular one calls bluff. Washing
ton Star.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

Among the populaee of Dublin in
1880, says the University Magazine, the
shoeblacks were a numerous and for
midable body. The polish they used
was lampblack and eggs, for which
they purchased all that were rotten in
the markets. Their implements CON
sisted of three legged stool, a basket
containing a blunt knife, called a
spudd, painters brush and an old
wig. A gentleman usually went out in
the morning with dirty boots or shoes,
sure to find a shoeblack sitting on his
stool at the corner of the street The
gentleman put his foot in the lap of the
shoeblack without ceremony, and the
artist scraped it with his spudd, wiped
it with his wig and then laid on his
composition as thick as black paint
with his painters brush.
The stuff dried with rich polish, re-
quiring no friction and little inferior
to the elaborated modern fluids, save
only the intolerable odors exhaled from
eggs in a high state of putridity and
which filed any house which was en-
tered before the composition was quite
dry and sometimes even tainted the air
Of fashionable drawing rooms. Polish
ing shoes, we should mention, was at
this time a refinement almost confined
to cities, people in the country being
generally satisfied with grease.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

The man buying pair of shoes
found the right one perfectly comfort
able and easy, the left one rather snug.
IT'S usually so," said the salesman;
the left foot is commonly a little big
ger than the right foot"
''Why don't you make the left shoe a
little bigger, then2" asked the custom
er.
We'll" said the salesman, 1.-THE diff
ference is usually not great, and it
might not be enough so that it would
be noticed If trying ON shoes. And then
it Is not so great but what the differ
ence In feeling Of the two shoes disap-
pears very soon. And then, too, in some
cases the mans right foot is the larger,
the man being right footed In this re-
spect as men are sometimes left hand
ed, the reverse Of the common habit in
the use of their hands If shoes were
commonly made with the left little
bigger than the right, to fit the major
ity of cases, they'd be worse than ever
when you hit right footed man. So
the shoes are made alike in size, a man
gets a pair that fit him comfortably to
start with and they adapt themselves
quickly to any slight differences in the
feet."-New York Sun.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
Ltncn,n,a WAY.


at time when Mr.. Lincoln was I'M
der great mental stress during the civil
war Mr.. George II. Yeaman, then con-
gresham from Kentucky, called upon
him and thus describes the occasion In
the New York Tribune:
1.-The president was alone at his desk,
hard at work, and the congressman
promptly offered to retire and call
again.
" Me- said Lincoln, sit down. I'll be
through shortly
Presently his little son partly open
ed the door. Papa said he, mamma
says the company will soon assemble
'1The congressman rose. Please be
seated; wen get to 1t directly said
Lincoln.
HE continued his work. His face
was very grave; 1t showed anxiety and
melancholy indescribable. Disasters
had come in the field, and 1t was not all
harmony among his supporters. Very
soon his barber came in, and again the
congressman offered to retire.
No, said Lincoln; Just excuse me
one moment He got up, threw off his
coat. seated himself in one chair and
stretched his long legs across another.
The barber lathered his face and COM
menced stropping razor. When that
was over the president turned his head
and gently asked. Now, what can l
dor
"The congressman told his mission.
1t was considered kindly, decided cor
rectly and he went his way. We need
not compare this with the court Ell
quette of emperors and kings. nor ask
II Washington or Adams, or even JEFF
ferson, would have so received WIS.,
itor on business; but it was what Abra-
ham Lincoln did,
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
Dirt For the Dirty Ones.

I'm several of the provincial towns, /"
writes Mr.. Ransome, lone finds hotels
said to be conducted on the foreign
principle and certain Japanese hotels
have foreign side. The European ac-
commodation in such places is, as a
rule, terrible. The rooms are dirty,
the beds are rickety, the bedclothes are
apparently seldom washed and the ia
bles and chairs are seldom capable of
standing on more than two legs at a
time.
when l first went to Japan could
not understand how, on the foreign
side of the Japanese hotels. the accom-
modations could be so inferior, when
the Japanese portion was kept scrupu-
lousy clean. One would naturally
think that people whose houses were
so spotless would revolt at having a
portion of their premises In a filthy
condition.
"But, as explained to me by the land
lord of one of these hybrid establish
ments: Foreigners are dirty by nature
They go about their houses in their
boots, and consequently they cannot
wish to have their rooms kept in prop
er condition. '"-Literature
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
wills of some Women.

Some women derive a great deal of
enjoyment out of making their Wills -
remarked a lawyer the other day.
'"They change them as often as they
change their gowns. 1t is only a few
days ago that came down to my office
to find one of my fair clients anx-
iously awaiting me. She was in a great
state Of nervousness.
"'Oh, Mr.. Blank she exclaimed, I've
come to change my will
"'Whati Againr asked.
Yes she said. I discovered last
night that Mrs. -, whom l had in
tended to leave my diamond tiara to,
has been saying spiteful things about
my poor, dead husband-said he made
his money out of green grocery and an
off beer license odious creature that
she is. could never rest in my grave
if thought she would benefit a farth-
ing's worth from my death
"'Cross her off the WILL please, Mr..
Blank, and substitute the name of-let
me see, now; whom can leave the dia-
mond tiara to? Well, I'll think it over
tonight and come and see you in the
morning.
And so on" continued the man of
law. THAT good lady changed her will
six times in as many months, and the
names in it would have filed a small
directory, while the rest of it suggest
ed an auctioneer's catalogue. London
Mail
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
Pats Reasoning.

Some years ago an Irishman named
Pat Noonan had vegetable stand in
one of the city markets. Pat was q
chronic kicker One day he was com
planning to the superintendent of the
market that the rent of his stall was
altogether too high, and after giving
various reasons why it should be ma
terially reduced, he wound up by SOL
emily declaring that he was losing at
least $1,000 a year.
well, Pat. If that's the case" said
the superintendent dryly. "Pd advise
you to sell out and quit the business at
once You certainly can't afford to
keep on if you are running behind ST.
600 year"
Sure, an l know it," said Pat philo-
sophically. ''The business is ruinin me
intirely, but moight ez we'll sthick to
it now that I'm at it. I've got to do
somethin to make Twin, an if l quit
sellin cabbages an praties an start at
some other thrade 1 moight be afther
losin more yet, l dunno"
The superintendent concluded to low
er Mr.. Noonan's rent and allow him to
remain in the vegetable business.
New York World.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
Is My Blood Pure ?

Breezy remarks cease when the speaker
has the wind taken out of him.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

The colored prisoners in the peniten-
tiary are acquainted with the habits
Of crocodiles and fully realize that they
relish a pickaninny. Under these cir
cumstances they are not anxious to
make the acquaintance of a crocodile
that inhabits the fountain of the pris-
on. The other day one of them who
had committed some offense was taken
to the cellar to be punished. After he
had been blindfolded one Of the men
called out to the other, Keep that al
igator back or he will bite this man"
That caused the colored man to com
mence to plead and he said, go de
Lord, Mr.. Deputy, eff youse let me go.
I'll neber come back here ag'in."
but you told me that the other
time,' replied the deputy.
But dis is de time tells you de
truf, and neber will come back ag'in."
On leaving the tub he declared that
the animal had bitten him few times,
Notwithstanding the fact that the croc-
odile had been in the fountain all the
time. The colored man has kept his
word up to date, but he Is liable to
soon forget the lesson of the crocodile
that is the deadly enemy of the colored
men in the south.-Columbu Dispatch.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
A MARRIAGE Fee.

A clergyman of Georgia was once
standing in the courthouse when n
Hoosier came In to see the ordinary in
order to procure marriage license
The countryman asked for "a pair of
licenses" and on making the purchase
necessary to being united in the holy
bonds of matrimony inquired of the
ordinary, who can 1 git to marry
meT
The ordinary replied that he could
perform the ceremony, or the parson,
standing near, would probably accom-
modate him. The countryman turned
to the parson and asked if he would
marry him. The parson readily con-
sented and asked the would be bride
groom, Where's your gaIY'
He replied, "Out yonder-in the
street"
The parson said. Fetch her in"
Then she was 'foteh'' in and the
"knot tied" The bridegroom asked
the parson the amount of Indebtedness
incurred and was told that no charge
was made, but that he always left the
matter for the bridegroom to decide.
The latter replied: 1--WE got no mon
ey. I've got a load of punkins out yon-
der. I'll give you a punkin. "-Homi-
letic Review
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
The Untruthful Mummy.

We saw only the outer gardens and
the museum, the chief attraction of
which is a magnificent marble sarcoph-
agus decorated with bas-reliefs of
Alexander the Great The collection of
statues, bronzes and sarcophagi is in
teresting and immensely valuable, and
l would like to copy some Of the de-
scriptions from the guidebook, but
space forbids.
One Egyptian mummy case had a
Stranger, forbear" kind of inscrip-
ton on it. The guide furnished me
with liberal translation. The king on
the inside Of the case, 'swathed in
spicery and fine linen," had caused this
injunction to be placed on the lid of his
sarcophagus:
do lot disturb these mortal re-
mains, for there is naught within this
easement except my poor body. There
is neither gold nor precious jewelry to
reward the covetous."
The antiquarians who unearthed the
sarcophagus did not respect this ap-
peal. When they examined the num-
my wrapped inside of the box they
found several pieces of gold clasped in
the right hand, which proves that an
oriental will lie even after death
Egyptian Cor. Chicago Record.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
some Ono HID to stay.

The story below is from Ell Diario, an
Argentine newspaper published In
Spanish. The anecdote is told of a pris-
on in provincial town in Argentina:
An employee, whose duty it was to
inspect them, arrived late at night ut
one of them and asked a ragged
'gaucho' who opened the door where
the chief of police was.
THE chief, sin, he answered, lives
at his farm, three or four leagues
off. He seldom comes
And the second of policeY
The second has not come for some
time. sir. The poor man has his wife
ILL.,
"'And the officer of the guardY
q He has been invited to dance
And the gendarmes?'
1.-The gendarmes, sir, finish their
duty at @ p. m. and don't return till
next day
but this is scandal There is no.
body here to explain things. And you?
Who are your
g I am the prisoner, SIR"
The whole thing reads like an inci-
dent from comic opera. But it is a
perfectly literal translation from the
paper mentioned
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

Meagher was full of anecdotes Of his
famous brigade. One story is too good
to be lost. He said he was leading his
men to the front in one of the seven
days battles when an aid rode by and
announced the news that our army had
carried certain strategic point and
several colors. "D'ye hear that, boysT'
shouted Meagher. "Our men have won
the day and captured the enemy's col
ors! Just as l said that" remarked
the general, "a private who was plung-
ing along out of one muddy hole into
another, looked up at me and said, ''Ah,
ginral, I'd rather hev pint of Dinnis
McGuire's whisky now than all the col
ors of the rainbow. "-Donahue's Maya
zine
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

sometimes a deaf man gives an an
swer which makes wonderfully close
hit, although he has totally misunder-
stood the question.
is your sons bride a pretty girlY'
asked an old lady of a penurious and
very deaf old gentleman whose son
mad recently married the daughter of
a prosperous grocer.
No, said the old man calmly, ''she
isn't. but she win be when her father
dies"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18


4Have you a last request to maker
asked the king Of the Cannibal islands,
addressing the missionary.
The latter glanced at his august maj
esty $50 called by reason of his sum
mer attire, and replied:
Eyes, Great One. When l left my ma
tive heath. l promised to write to q
brother in this line of work and tell
him how I liked the country If your
majesty pleases, should like to write
him few words"
The king reflected for moment.
There can be no objection to that, SO
far as can see. You may proceed"
The missionary's hands were united
and there upon a piece Of bark he in
scribed the following words:
Dear Friend-This is a delightful country
There is but one objection to it, and that, fear
will account fos the fact that shall never see you
again. There is plenty to eat here-but the cook
ing will kill me. Farewell
This being finished, the king directed
his slaves to stir the caldron and the
preparation of the meal proceeded.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
The barber Was Am Rirht.

after being shaved in Chicago ho-
tel barber shop" said the man from
South Bend, 81 walked out and down
the street and entered another shop
and took chair. The barber lathered
and scraped me without a word, and
10 minutes later l submitted myself to
a third. He lathered and rubbed as
if had not been shaved for month,
and just as he took up the razor I
asked:
"'Didn't you notice that had been
shaved twice already this morningY
Yes, SIR he replied.
But you are going to shave me
AGAIN.
"'No. sir. l supposed you came in
here to get the skin taken off and part
with some of your cheekr -Pittsburg
Dispatch
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

Notice should be taken of the efforts
which have from time to time been
made by the marine architect to miti-
gate the miseries of seasickness. He
has doubled his ship, he has slung his
ship as in cradle. To no purpose. The
life of the channel steward remains an
arduous one. Seasickness Is not to
be conquered by the shipwright If
it was merely the rolling motion that
creates nausea. then a hammock or
cot would be as sure relief as twin
ship or a cradle hung saloon. Sea
sickness is caused by the several mo-
lions of the sea combined, and the
worst of these movements the builder
cannot possibly deal With mean
the trough into which the ship falls,
and the liquid ACTIVITY to whose
frothing head she leaps.-Clark Rus
sell in Pail Mall Gazette.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
A Wonder EInwer


The Canadian Manufacturer reports
the remarkable phenomenon of the dis
covery of a flower incased in hole in
an old iron casting, the flower being in
perfect state of preservation. A work
man engaged in breaking up old iron
at foundry in Ontario came across an
old wheel that had done service on a
stationary engine for many years. On
breaking it he discovered in a crevice a
flower blossom in perfect condition, its
color being as fresh as the day 1t found
its way into its mysterious hiding
place. 1t had evidently fallen into the
casting when it was being poured and
in some manner escaped injury from
the molten metal. AS the cavity was
perfectly alright it naturally retained
it's freshness until exposed to view.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

Oriental Judgment on Mixed Babies.
The Greek ecclesiastical authorities
at Aleppo have been called upon to de-
eide case which strongly recalls Solo
mons famous judgment. By strange
coincidence woman and her daughter
both. gave birth to a female child at the
same time. But the babies got mixed.
and, as one of them was ugly and the
other pretty and healthy, both mothers
claimed the latter. The elder woman
maintained that, as all her other chill
dren were handsome, the ugly child
could not be hers, while her daughter
claimed that, being young, handsome
and strong, she could not be the moth.
er Of weak and ugly babe.
The religious chief of the town set.
tied the affair in summary way He
adjudged the beautiful child to the
daughter on the ground that, it being
her first, the occasion was not to be
made one Of humiliation and disap-
pointment, while the elder mother
could afford to forego her claim since
she had already had several handsome
children Constantinople Malumat.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
The Missed Dish.

A schoolmaster in a village school
had been In the habit Of purchasing
pork from parents of his pupils on the
occasion of the killing of the pig. One
day small boy marched up to the
masters desk and inquired "if he
would like bit of pork, as they were
going to kill their pig"
The. schoolmaster replied In the af-
flrmative. Several days having elaps-
ed. and hearing nothing of the pork,
the master called the boy up to him
and inquired the reason he had not
brought it.
"Oh, please, sir" the boy replied,
'the pig got better."-San Francisco
Argonaut.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

This Is the twenty-irst season TOR that ia.
nous and healthtn drink, Hiress Rootbeer
me campaign has opened. The war against
thirst Is ON, ana of course Hires will reign su.
prene IN an nndfsputed realm of its own In
all these years 1t has stood proof against iu,f
tation and counterfeit. and now in It's strengt h
OF fnil growth rises far above any serious com.
petition.
In our mind as things inseparabe We look
forward to that as n summer beverage as we
look Tor he rising OF the sun. 1t has been oil
lnestimable value to thousands of people suD.
plying them at once with u delicious, health.
1ul ana thirst-quenching drink. occupying he
same place at The family table as tea or coffee
It's growth has been rapid and remarkable
long since reaching proportions never
dreamed OF by It's prOprietors. One of its re
markable features IS its triding COST one pack
age may be converted into gallons of this de
ilcious, sparkling, temperance drink, contain.
the ~.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
An Unconscious Press Arent.

1t was critic who uprose on the first
night of the late Charles Reade's
drama, Its Never Too Late to Mend, u
at the Princess theater, London, in
1865, and vehemently protested against
the fiogging business in the Jail scene
as being inhuman and untrue to life.
However, it was true to life, and the
discussion that ensued tended to crowd
the theater for many months.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
Her Lucid Reaaon.

Don't you WISH" he asked, looking
soulfully into her eyes, that the tun-
mel on this line was ten times as longY'
NO" she answered.
1t struck him like a dash of cold wa
ter in the face. Instantly it dawned
upon him that she no longer loved him.
"They always light the car lamps
when coming to the long tunnels" she
added, land they don't for the short
ones. Chicago Post.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

The five worst maladies that af-
fict the female mind are indocility,
discomfort, SANDER, jealousy and silli-
ness. Without any doubt these five
maladies affiict seven or eight out of
every ten women, and from them arises
the inferiority Of women to men. A
woman should cure them by self in
spection and self reproach. The worst
of them all and the parent of the other
four is sillinessLC ornhill Magazine.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

A good example of the caustic humor
of Scotch examiner floats this way
from we know not where. 1t seems
that Scotch parish schoolmasters are,
on their appointment, examined as
to their literary qualifications. One of
the fraternity being called by bis ex-
aminer to translate Horace's ode be-
ginning "Exegi monumentum oere Pc
rennius," began as follows: "Exegi
monumentum" q have eaten a noun
tain.) "Ah," said one of the examiners,
I'VE medina proceed any further; for
after eaten sic dinner this parish
wad be a puir mouthfu' t ye. Ye maun
try some wider sphere. Poet Lore"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18

Hicks-Barry made bet that every
person who came by his fence would
touch it and he won.
Wicks-Nonsense! How did it hap
pen?
HicEs-He merely stuck up the sign
Paint" and, of course, everybody con-
sidered himself called upon to feel Of
the fence.-Boston Transcript.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
A Good Explanation,

Papa, l know what makes some
people laugh in their sleeves" said lit
tie Harry.
"Well, my son. what makes them?'
asked the father.
"'Cause that's where their funny
bone is" was the reply. Troy Times.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-07-18
Wouldn't Wear the Crown.

The late William Morris views on
the laureateship, as made public in
Mr.. Mackall's biography, were peculiar
and interesting. Mr.. Gladstone was
willing to offer Morris the succession
to Tennyson; but, on being sounded,
the socialist poet. although pleased
with the honor, declined unreservedly,
stating that, in his opinion, the function
of poet laureate was that of a cere-
monial writer of verse, and that the
Marquis of Lorne, the languidly liter
airy son-in-law of Queen Victoria, was
the finest person to fulfill it.