The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1899-06-01
The JOker'S Budget.
Jests and Yarns by Funny Men Of the Press.
DISTRESSING.

JcstS anu fdTnS Dy FuHug Hteu VI 'ne ''~SS'
DISTRESSING.
She stood before her glass and sighed
She had not found her first gray
hair;
Her curling lashes sadly dropped.
And two big teardrops trembled
there.
The maid had not been crossed ir
love,
Her heart had not been rent in
twain;
No wrinkles marred her smooth, faii
brow,
No coming crowsfeet gave her pain.
But in the speeding car the maid
Had met the richest of her beaux-
She looked into her glass and saw
A streak of SCOT upon her nose.
THE WAY IN SPAIN.
"This government" said the Span.
ish statesman Indignantly, lis all al
sea-
"Oh, not so bad as that % protested
the colleague.
Well" he unwillingly yielded,
call of it except the navy"
BEYOND ACCOUNTING.
Old Grinders-"Look here, young
man, how do you account for the fact
that you were seven minutes late in
getting to the office this morning 2
Weary Clerk don't account for
it at all. I've just succeeded in get
ting another place. "
, wIFELY soLICITUDE.
"How carefully your wife does
watch your health -
Yes; she knows that if | get up q
big doctors bill she won't get sum.
mer trip"
SELFISH PLEASURES.
"Willoughby, you seem to prefer
golf to bicycling
Yes; you see, if anybody gets hurt
at golf it is generally the caddie.
A MEAN FELLOW.
John, you don't seem to enjoy this
asparagus.
"No; just as 1 was buying it, that
miserable Tom Biggs came along and
dunned me for that $40 l owe him.
A WOMAN MADE LAW.
Mrs. Mild-You seem to differ from
the usual idea about coddling n man
to win his consent. According to
your theory, scolding is the best me-
diusn for winning satisfactory results.
Mrs. Wild-That, my dear, is in
accord with one of the laws of nature.
Every hing has to be blown up be
fore it will 'come down"
LABOR coNoUERs ALL.
"The worm will turn exclaimed
the woman, menacingly.
This before she went to house
keeping.
Years pass.
GIVE SO much to do I don't know
which way to turn !" she now says,
with smile.
If a person does her own work, she
often hasn't time to feel ill used.
THE NEW VARIETY.
Crank, dear" said Miss Northside
coyly, as the two walked home from
church last night, 1--WE have been en-
gagged more than a month, and you
have not yet given me an engage
ment ring"
"No, love-, replied Frank, "this is
ringless engagement.
TRYING TO DECEIVE.
''What do you want ?" sharply
asked the lady of the house as a
stranger walked around to the back
door of the house.
Nothing at all, ma'am," suavely
replied the stranger, bowling, 81 was
just making a bluff. l was put off a
street car and the conductor stood on
the platform grinning at me, so | just
walked into the nearest yard to make
him think l had reached my destina-
ton"
THE JOKER AND THE JOKE.
Joke Writer (timidly) Could you
er-let me have ten cents, my dear,
for car fare ? I-er-want to ride
downtown and submit this joke to
some of the editors.
His Wife-Hum-er- is the
joke about d?
Joke Writer-Why-er-it's one of
those prime old absurdities about a
woman-hal ha !-about woman
asking her husband for money, you
know.
Annual Output OF Paper Collars.
Two paper collar plants are still run
ming in this country, one in New York
and the other in Boston, and their an
Il. 900 600 Ia