Mesa free press., 1899-05-12

10uueF-f1e once SeeIueu 10 DE u
promising young poet. What stopped
his career? Skribes- Baldness.-Judge.
Mrs. Slybel-"The boy grows more
like his father every day." The Caller
Poor dear! And have you tried ev-
erything T"-Pbiladelphi North Amer
lean.
Recollections: Mrs. Weeperly-"Ye
we pay spot cash for everything" Mrs.
Whipperly l often speak to my
husband about the time when we had
to.'-Puck.
"In one respect every woman is am
bidextrous." "How do you make that
outT' "She can throw just as well
with her left hand as with her right
Chicago News.
Customer-"I'm sure I've seen you
somewhere. l never forget a pretty
face" Waitress--''I don't remember
you and l never forget fresh GUS
tomerv'-Puck.
Immigrant-"At last 1 am in free
America. A man can do pretty much
as he pleases in this country, can't he"
Native-"Y unless he's married.
New York Weekly.
"Don't you think that Mr.. Buffer is
awfully wittyY 81 hadn't noticed it."
"How funny! Why think he works
his mouth the wittiest ever saw
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Its shame" cried the young wife;
mot thing In the house fit to eat. I'm
going straight home to mamma" "lf
you don't mind, DEAR" said the hus-
band, reaching for his hat, "I'll go with
you."-Tit-B Bits.
Visitor-"And your daughter painted
this beautiful picture" Mrs. Upstart
-"My daughter paint it? No, indeed!
Her teacher did the work. Consider
ing what we pay him for lessons. it
was the least he could do"
Keeping it up to the last: Dix-"I
understand Windig, the attorney. Is
seriously i'll Hix-"Yes; l met his
physician this morning, and he says
he is lying at deaths door," Dix
"That's just like lawyer.
Mistress-"Jane, I've mislaid the key
of my escritoirc. l wish you'd just
fetch me that box of odd keys; dare
say 1 can find one to open it." Jane
sits no use, ma'am. There isn't key
In the 'ouse as IL fit that desk. Punch.
"Now," said the lawyer, II cannot
take your case unless you tell me the
whole truth" ''What shall / tell you
drst?" asked the client, peering through
the bars. "Well, you might let me
know fully how much money you've
got"
The difference: Small Boy-"George
Washington was nan who never told
a lie." Teacher-"Wrong. Go to the
foot" Small Girl-"George Washing
ton was the man who never told lie
Teacher-"Right. Go to the head
Judge.
In gay Paree: Nj. Cotelettc de Mou-
ton-"It, was very difficult for the
Judge to decide the case" NJ. La Carte
lie Jour-"Yes; the spectators were so
noisy and so evenly divided that he
could hardly tell which side had the
majority.
81 hear your gettin' fired from school
raised a big breeze al your house." said
Willie Spratt. eyes," replied Tommy
Burns, shifting uncomfortably in his
chair; sit was what the yacht fellers
call spanking breeze. "-Philadelphia
North American.
81 want to ask one more question"
said little Frank, as he was being put
to bed. "Well,"' acquiesced the tired
mamma. "When holes come in stock
ings, what becomes of the piece of
stocking that was there before the hole
came?''-1ft-Bits
snow, children" said the Sunday
school teacher, "can you tell ME Of
greater power than king" eyes,
maam," cried a little boy, eagerly.
"What, Willie?" asked the teacher,
benignly. can ace, ma'am," was the
unexpected reply.-Tit-Bits.
Teacher Ito new scholar)-"Now,
Mary, I'lhgive you sum. Surprising
that your father owed the butcher
1870, $11.13 to the baker, $270S to the
coal merchant, $3.50 to the land
lord" MARY commemorative
should move."-Boston Globe.
Papa-See the spider, my boy, spin
ning his web. Is it not wonderful? Do
you reflect that, try as he may, no man
could spin that web? Johnny-What Of
1t? See me spin this top! Do you re-
feet that, try as he may, no spider
could spin this top?-Stray Stories.
ooh, you needn't talk" said the in
dignant wife; what would you be to-
day if it weren't for my money, I'd like
to know? 81 really don't know, my
DEAR" calmly replied the heartless
wretch, "but I'm inclined to think 1
would be a bachelor News.
Bronco Pete-"There's war-hero
coming in on the next strain, stranger,
and we're going to have regular kiss
ln'-beew Stranger-"Won't he OBJ
iect?" Bronco Pete-"Oh, it amt