Mesa free press., 1899-05-19
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sister Evelyn is married?' "No; it ad.
vances me one number. "-Chicago Rec.
ord.
YES" he said, "when was young
was eagerly sought after" what re-
ward was offered" asked the sweet
young girl.
She-This is too much! | won't bear
1t any longer! Tomorrow shall re-
turn to my mother! He-My dear-is
that Threaten a promise?
"Uncle, what bred of chickens is the
Desty' We'll, sab, de white ones is de
mo- easiest found, and de dahk ones is
de easiest hid after yo' gets In
dianapolis Journal.
First cook (reading) Wanted, to go
to Connecticut, a first-class cook. Good
wages. Second cook-Niyer on yer loife.
Sure, isn't that where they make alarum
clocks?-Jeweiers Weekly.
Il hear that you assisted at the post
morteln sexamination of your old enc
my" said Gaswell to surgeon OF mis-
acquaintance. Yes; cut him dead
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Mrs. Hornbeak-What Is this game of
golf that's in the papers so much, any
how? Farmer Hornbeak-Wal, so fur
as kin make out, it's nothin' but a
kind Of solitaire croquet.-Puck.
"Have you given Mr.. Staleight any
encouragement" asked the impatient
mother. mo. mamma" replied the con-
hdent daughter; $50 far haven't found
1t necessary" -Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Dash-Iow dreadful about your
uncle drowning himself in your bath
tub! Mrs. Cash--Yes; wasn't it hard?
1t scared the cook so that we had to
move into another house immediately.
Mrs. Naborly-Is your aunt on your
mothers or fathers side, Johnny?
.JOhnny-Oh, sometimes on one side and
sometimes on the other. Depends on
who's getting the best of it.-Brooklyn
Life.
Angy New-Yes, I quareled with the
leading man, and, as all the others in
the company sided with him. l resign
ed. Sue Brette-But didn't anyone take
your part? Angy New-Only my under
study.-Town Topics.
"Mr. Gizzley seems to be very deep
thinker" remarked the impressionable
young woman. "Yes," replied MISC
Cayenne; che can't talk five minutes
without getting away beyond his
depth. "-Washington Star.
4.'sWhat!sA man@with nose the color
of yours. expects me to believe that he
has lived on water for three monthsY
said the lady at the door. "Yes'm," said
the tramp; ''you see. I'm a sailor just
ashore. "-Yonkers Statesman.
Cripple Creek Is great on etiquette. A
man out there met a little girl with
whose family he is very intimate, and
The little miss drew herself up and re-
piled: Use very well, but amt no tel
ephone. Hotel Reporter.
''Who lives in that little shanty
across the street?' '1hat is where
Meterkin, the celebrated poet, lives"
"Ah! And who lives in yonder mansion
on the hill?' '"That is the home of
fellow who once wrote some fool verses
of popular song."- cleveland Leader.
Miss Smart-Oh, yes; we had lovely
time at the ball, r.-Dr.-Dr-oh,
dear, l always forget your last name.
DR.. Smythe (patronizingly modesD-
Oh, never mind! just call me simple
doctor" Miss Smart (quickly.--Al
right simple doctor. (Total collapse OF
Smythe.) Judge.
He-What sort of a footstool was
that you gave your husband? She
What are you talking about? l didn't
give him any footstool. / gave him
a beautiful hand-worked cover for the
mantelpieee. He-Oh, that was it.
know he told me it was something he
could put his feet on.-Yonkers States
man.
''This here last war;" remarked the
old lady, "has been a blessin' to my
family; Johns DRAWN of a big pension
fer one ear an three fingers; the ole
mans writin' war history; Molps en-
gagged to sergeant; an Jennie's gwine
to marry a Teller that come within an
ace Of bein' ginrul!'-Atlanta Consti-
tuition.
Deacon Hardacre-And so you seen
that ere spectacle show that they're all
talkin' about, did you? Elder Nipper-
son--Yep. Deacon Harda cre-How did
you come to do it, Lige! Elder Nipper-
son-Well, Rube Handy, he said 1t
wasn't fit for decent person to look at,
and I wanted to find out whether he
knowed or not. I've always had my
suspicious of Rube.-Cleveiand Leader.
Boatswain Ito newly Joined CADET
Come, my little man, you mustn't cry
on board of one of her Majesty's ships
Of war. Did your mother cry when you
left? Cadet-Yes, sir. Boatswain-Silly
old woman! And did your sister cry!
Cadet-Yes, sir. Boatswain-Stupid lit
tie thing! And did your father cry!
Cadet-No, sir. Boatswain-'Ard' cart
ed old beggar!-Punch.
ss'There is a cat sits every night on our