The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1899-05-24
Colonel Wrinkler And the Goat.

wife.
lie turned over, rubbed his eyes,
yawncd, and inquired:
whats matter, wife What's
matter 2"
Matter enough - replied the lady,
who was wide awake. THAT COW,
man ! She's just eating up all my rose
bushes-the yard-don you hear her?
Get up, man, and run her out-quick,
Wrinkler-now, please do go at once"
The colonel arose languidly, and
slipping on his slippers, made his i'm
mediate exit ct the front entrance in
his night robe. Picking his way eau
tiously upon the lawn and peering into
the darkness, he heard a peculiar
sniffie.
And the next moment the dim out
lines Of large, white male goat ap-
peared before him. Without the
slightest hesitation the goat reared on
his hind legs and made lunge at the
colonel, who just had time TO throw
up both hands and grab the animal by
the horns.
The goat pulled back, swayed for
ward, threw his body in the air, sniff
fled and snorted and finally began
series Of jerks which made Wrinkler
dance around with intense alacrity.
The unhappy colonel frightened his
grip at every jerk, which made his
hands tinglc and burn as though clasp
ing live wire.
"ic gods = muttered Wrinkler be-
tween his teeth, "but ANT this the
devil of fix? I'm afraid to turn him
loose. He'd stab me in the back with
his horns before | could make the
door. Guess I'll have to hold him
At times the animal would become
quiet. lie then reared back and jump
ed forward in such rough and reck-
less way that Wrinkler kicked his
slippers off in the effort to hold him
down and was finally landed in his
bare feet on the graveled walk, putting
and blowing, while the goat stood at
bay, his horns still firmly clutched.
just then the voice of his wife call
ed from the house
"Why, man, haven't you driven
that COW out yet ?"
"Cow, the very devil It's TO cow
at all It's an Internal goat, and we
are having the h of tine out
here-but I'll conquer him yet see if
l don't! y
| Here the goat landed his mind legs
in midair and tried to stand on his
head on the colonel's bosom.
Conquer him." responded his wife
in high soprano, "why don't you run
him into the street p
"Shucks, womanl" yelled Wrinkler,
"you must be wild Run him into
the street, the devil Just come out
here and look at US -
Mrs. Wrinkler at this time poked
her head cut Of the window and hold
ing lamp to the front, looked.
"Well !" she cried, eff that don t
beat the Eh eh Why don't you
let the brute go and kick him out of
the gate p
II say it, woman Do you think
want to be murdered in my own
yard ?"
Here the goat beloved and showed
Wrinkler about ten feet over the sharp
gravels.
but you can outrun the old ras-
cal !" suggested the lady.
II tell you 1 can't. wouldn't risk
turning him loose for million dol
lars ! Dress quick and come out here
and throw something over me. I'm
about to freeze to death, and besides
it will soon be daylight and people
will be passing"
Mrs. Wrinkler said ''All right.
She spent little lifetime adjusting
her apparel, and meantime Winkler
had his hands full, for as day began to
break the goat, smiling the fresh
morning air, became friskier than ever,
and in addition to pulling and pushing
the old man up and down the gravel
walk, began to below.
This attracted the attention of a
policeman, who walked leisurely up to
the fence and after splitting On the
sidewalk, looked over.
"You see my position, said Wrink-
ler.
"Yis, l see it-but posishun, old
mon, is Everything, and 1 guess you'll
have ter hole yer base, ez yer can t
make er home run ! Good mawnin. :"
and the policeman walked of.
Presently tall man riding a pony
came bv He stonned