Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1899-02-09
The Man Who Whines.

The Man Who WhlneS.
| have often wondered under what
star he was born. The man who
whines is worst of all. He is far and
away worse than the woman who has
nothing to do but to whine and COM
plain and wish she felt like other
folks.
The woman who whineS usually i'm
AGNES she has a grievance. She thinks
she is i'll and she feels aggrieyed if
everybody she meets doesn't weep in
sympathy with her affiictl n. Her
troubles are brOOded over until they
become real and it ends in nervous
prostration.
And it is exceedingly strange that
WaShWOman never has nervous pros
tratiOn. She has too much on hand.
She is obliged to hustle from morning
away into the night in order that she
may make a living, and she is not
through with one days work before
she begins the next, SO she hasn't time
to indulge in any luXurieS. She has
not the time to have nervous proStra-
ton because she hasn't time to whine.
Whenever she feels inclined to have a
touch of nerves." she knocks the
Stuffing out of SiX-bit washing and
by the time she has the spots knocked
out of half dozen pairs of OverallS,
and is through the complicated pro-
cess Of applying forty or fifty pairs Of
government SOokS to the dashboard
and then running them through the
Wringer as if she were making sau-
sage, she has no time to whine; hence
no prOStratiOn.
You may say that the WaSherWOman
is not delicately brought up, nor SEN
Sitive and high strung like those who
are afflicted with the whineS and
nerves and such things. Yet there
are women who chop the kitchen wood
and hustle the Jackets of the potatoes
and hnnt the gay and festive cabbage
worm in his native lair, and they
teach the hilarious spring calf how to
avoid getting it's provisions down the
wrong throat" yet when they get
married to some bright, intelligent
young squirt who knows enough to
pound sand, provided somebody gave
him big, broad hammer, she imme-
diately collapses, and the people
say, "Ah me, she has nervous pros
tration," And yet it is not because
her mentality is SO highly developed,
for | have seen this occur when the
woman didn't know any more than
| long division in arithmetic.
The man who whines has a great
| deal on his hands. He WhineS be-
cause the weather is never right. 1t
| is too hot or two cold, too wet or too
| dry. The government doesn't suit
him, no odds what political party is
in power. No political party is right,
although he does nothing to help
| correct them.
| There are always international
complications which cause him loss OF
sleep. The newspapers don't talk
about the things which he wants dis
cuSSed He wants the Bible revised
and even the Lamentations of Jere-
miah do not suit him, nOtWithStand-
.ng it is mostly a whine all the way
through. Jobs complaining doesn' t
suit the man who WhineS, because he
thinks he might have taken Fowler
| SarSaparilla for those eruptiOnS.
The preachers don't preach to suit
the wilmer and the lawyers are all
cut thrOats The merchants are all
giving short weight and short meas
ure. The wind blows too hard or too
soft. Weevil is in his wheat, blight
on his peaches, smut on his corn, rust
in his oats. His horses have the
epizoOtic, and his COWS the hollow
horn. He breaches the gospel of des-
pair and the religion of gloom. The
sun never shines for him. 1t is always
cloudy. When he goes to heaven and
sees the golden streets and the great
white throne he will ask: "Why
didn't they use some silver too, and
why didn't they paint it redo" And
St, Peter will say, Get below; we
have no room here for men who whine.
Excuse us, but it is enough to have a
! lot of whining old women. Good day.
Safe journey. "-MerrIll News.
Wisconsin Patents.