The record-union. [volume] (Sacramento, Calif.) 1891-1903, 1899-08-14
The Cross-Eyed Stage Driver.

The croSS-eyed stage driver in Fifth
avenue causes great uncertainty as to
| his intentions in regard to possible
| patrons of his stage. They stand on the
| corners waiting until he nearly reaches
| them, and then the frantic gestures be-
| gin. The first time they signal they
| do not notice that he is cross-eyed,
but as he approaches nearer and near
| er the uncertainty grows upon them.
They are not sure he saw them at all,
| or does see them or will see them. The
| past present and future are all in a
muddle and while it is certainly his
| business to be on the lookout for pat
rons it is not at all certain that he will.
Every one knows by experience that
the drivers of public conveyances do
not always keep their business eye on
the corner, and who can tell where
cross-eyed driver may be looking?
AS rode on the top of the cross-eyed
drivers stage the other day 1 noticed
the demoralizing effects of his glances.
A bloated bondholder lifted his cane
slightly as the stage ran toward him.
He was quiet and dignifed, but, not
being able to see his cane himself, he
was TAKEN with the idea that the cross
he lifted it again and again, five times,
each time a little higher, until it was
waving franctically aloft. The stage
stopped exactly where it would have
stopped had he simply signaled once.
The next passenger was tall and thin,
gaunt and prim, and wore spectacles.
She had gayly trimmed hat and a
tightly fitting tailor made costume. She
held her handbag Boston Daylight
ly in one hand, and raised the other
stiffly from the elbow. holding one fing-
er up She then jerked it back again,
as if it were on springs No other part
of her body moved but her eagle eye
was on the face of the driver. Soon,
in quick succession. she jerked that
finger up again five times more, her
face becoming sterner each time. 1t
seemed as if she were thinking, Il Won
der if he saw mei'' Il do not believe
he did," 81 am sure he did mott" He
is not even looking at mel" He sees
me now!' mo, he does not; that eye
is looking across the street." But sud
denly the stage stopped in front of
her.
Another woman ran to the corner and
threw her whole arm up once. Then
she raised it again and waved it fran
tically in a swinging movement in the
air until the driver stopped.
A woman who looked as if she had
lust taken leave of a big family of
children and had not gotten through
waving the baby "by-by," lifted her
arm and waved her fingers up and
down as if she were also saying ''by-
by, to the driver. Each time she in
creased the number of little waves and
smiled sweetly and nodded her head
pleasantly Her amiability was ire
sistible, and of course the stage
stopped for her.
In fact, the stage stops exactly at the
right hand lower corner for every pas
senger 1t would stop just the same
if only one signal were given, but the
passengers seem to forget that it is the
business of the stage to stop for them,
and that the driver plans to get focus
on the corner Of every block, although
the exact mathematical combination of
sight rays is not divulged to the intend
ing patron.-New York Herald.
Willing to Tell.
Sometimes it is pleasure to answer
questions, even if the questioner may
put them in an unpleasant way:
"What do you do for q living?' asked
a lawyer, frowning horribly at hatch
et-faced young man who was under
going cross examination.
81 SIR answered the witness, hasti-
Nv diving into his side pocket. 'am the
agent for Doctor Korker's Celebrated
Corn and Bunion Destroyer. Greatest
remedy of the age: used by all the
crowned heads of Europe; never known
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