Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1899-09-25
JUST FOR FUN.


Has John sent home any big fish
yet? No; nothing but big fish yarns.
You're the very picture of health.
! Yes, and Pm in a contented frame of
mind.
Idler! said the ant scornfully. Me?
answered the grass hopper. My dear
fellow, have been OH the jump ever
since I was born.
Awfully stupid lot of men at this
resort. Don't deceive yourself.
Smart people don't try to be enter
tanning when they take vacation.
Johnny Jones-My paws got more
money'n yours has. Tommy Well,
if your nav wore as good clos as
mine, I bet he wouldn't have, for 1
heard paw say SO.
Cousin Lucinda wants to go down
town and see man about taking her
trunk to the station. When is she
going home? A week from next
Wednesday.
That young Perkins who comes to
see you owes $40 at the laundry and
$15 at the barber shop. Well, papa,
he deserves credit for trying to look
like gentleman.
I shall never forget that lady lee
turer; she made profound i'm
preston on me. By her intellect?
No; she wore a baby blue sash pin
ned crooked at the back
Marie, didn't you feel terribly when
your engagement was broken? Yes;
and had another dreadful blow the
same day-my new frock came home
and did not fit.
Her Favorite Poet-Do you like
poetry? Oh! yes, indeed. Whose do
you prefer? Well, like those most
that are written by that man who
signs himself Anon.
l look for an Improvement in the
character of the French plays adapt
ed for the American stage next sea-
son. Why? Well, they can't be any
worse than they were this season.
Benevolent Old Gentleman to angry
boy)-Stop, my son! Never let the
sun go down on your wrath. Small
Boy-Well, say, do yer think Pm
Joshua, ter make it stand still?
I never knew such cruel and vim
dictive man in my life. What has he
done? Why, he locked his wife in
room with a lot of beautiful gov rs
and bonnets and no looking glass.
Uncle Silas-Is it a fact that they
hev roof gardens down to the city?
City Niece-Why, yes, uncle. They
have several of them. Uncle Silas-
1t must seem funny to go up on the
roof to dig pertaters and SIGH.
Did you enjoy yourself this SUNNI er?
asked the girl in blue. Enjoy myself,
answered the woman who had just
returned from the mountains. Well,
should say not. Why, there wasn't
a row or scandal the whole time we
were there.
I've come to tell you, sir, that the
photographs you took of US the other
day are not at all satisfactory. Why,
my husband looks like an ape? Well,
madame, you should have thought of
that before you had him taken.
And so you have finally succeeded
in getting your husband to take the
gold cure: I thought he always
claimed that be could quit drinking
when he wanted to? 4EYes, he did.
We have just convinced him that he |
ought to take something to make him |
want to.
What's the use of peace confer |
ence? inquired the skeptic, A great |
deal of use! answered the diplomat, |
Indignantly, It's a barometer. If we
can get through a peace conference !
without fight it will be pretty |
good sign that we can get through |
several years without a general war. |
AS they emerged from the dark |
corner of the piazza and entered the |
brilliantly lighted hotel, trying to |
look unconcerned, her dearest friend !
beckoned her to one side. If I were |
you, said the dearest friend solicit |
ously, [ would insist upon George |
using better quality of dye on his |
mustache.
I am so ambitious, said the egotisti- |
cal man, that some day you may see
me bring the earth home. If you |
bring it home on your feet, cautioned |
the meek wife, don't forget that the
door mat stands in the vestibule, and |