The times., 1899-07-17
THE CHESTY CENTURION.
Being the Parable of the Possible
End of the District Guard.

End of the District Guard.
Now it come to pass that when the
Guard of the District called Columbia had
had become mighty in strength, as is re-
lated in the first parable of the Guard, the
Centurion who was at the head Of the
Guard grew exceeding chesty and had
much to say. And there was none like
him upon the earth nor in the heavens
above the earth nor in the waters under
the earth. And he was filled with much
gas even unto the extent of many cubits
each day. And he was a great man and
when he went forth the people said one to
the other, Behold, it is he, for hath he
not raised great corns upon his breast
from the weight of his medals!"
And the Centurion was such a man as
went up on to the housetops al sunrise
and commanded, saying: Rise, my sum"
Whereupon the sun arose. And at sunset
he also went up on to the housetops and
commanded, saying: 60 down, my sum-
Whereupon the sun went down. And the
people maryeled at these things, and cried
aloud, saying; Verify, Joshua was but a
fakir, and never attempted such marvels
as these" Whereupon the Centurion
would present himself with a medal Of
many cubits in bigness and many barley
corns in weight.
And it came to pass that upon certain
days, when the Centurion had filled him
self with dried aples, he would say unto
his servants: Behold, who is it," And
they answered saying: Verify, there is
none other; oh, slaughterhouse!' Where
upcn, would the Centurion command that
the Guard be called out, that the warriors
might view him. And when the Guard was
out the Centurion was attired in such
raiment as was wondrous. And a great
helmet was upon his head, and great
breastplates upon his breast, and his toga
was woven from the hair OF his enemies.
And slaves carried certain dishes of blood
with which they anointed the blade OF his
sword, that he might be ferocious. And
when he had posed before the guard he
would command that no man breathe. And
every man held his breath. And when there
happened any man to breath, behold he
was beheaded
And the chief warriors grew tired of the
Centurion and they said one TO the other,
Verify, his head is of such size that there
is not room for us in this land Are We
a Noah's Ark that he should thus make
we go and he saith 'Return,' and we re-
turn. And the people marvel at it while
we purchase new sandals that we may
again do his bidding" And the chief war
riors were exceeding sore and purchased
many cubits of lead pipe.
Now it came to pass that there dwelt in
the District called Columbia a certain man
who was called NayYea because that he
was boss of a certain planet, and Nay-Yea
Had IL. r
Shad And the Board OF Shad was mighty
and OF great wealth and no man of those
who was dealer in the market places
might eat with them. And Nay-Yea made
the Centurion of the Guard ruler in the
Board of Shad and the Centurion rejoiced
in his exceeding large pull. And his head
grew TO great dimensions and there was
none but him. And upon a certain day
the Board of Shad sat down 10 partake OF
food. And the Centurion wishing to in
crease his pull and to perform miracles.
cried aloud, saying, Behold. there are
but three loaves and two fishes and yet
l will feed this multitude And he call
ed out the Guard and set the warriors to
fishing for fish and to making loares And
when the Board of Shad had eaten they
were filled. And of the fragments they
gathered up ten-score basketsful.
But it came that while they were yet
eating, the night came on, and the sun
went down, even without the command of
the Centurion. And the people marveled
at the nerve of the sun, and predicted dire
things for the morrow. And the tidings
of the great miracle of feeding the Board
of Shad were spread about the land.
Now, when the morrow had come to
pass the chief warriors of the Guard as
sembled, and said: Verify, we are sick
OF this business. This Centurion uses the
warriors to do his bidding, and they know
more about fishing for shad and acting as
servants than they do of fighting This
man may have a pull. but pull will not
win battle nor make soldiers" And the
chief warriors resigned, even unto the
number of one score and ten and three
And they departed unto their fig trees and
scorned the Centurion.
And certain scribes, who had taken STYLUS
and parchment, and had witnessed the
feeding of the Board of Shad. proclaimed
unto the people that the Centurion had
fed the tribe with more than twelve score
fishes and twelve score loaves And others
cried aloud saying: ALSO, did the sun
90 down and arise without his bidding.
Verify, he hath been giving us a great
game OF con-" And the tidings also spread
and other warriors left the Guard in much
disgust, saying: Verify, tho Guard hath
become fishers of fish and slaves rather
than warriors" And many warriors de-
parted from the ranks
But the Centurion, hearing that he was
no more a prophet and a wizard, grew
chesty and said, I'VE shall see" And he
called out the Guard, and many of the
Guard came And behold when he said
Hip" few men hipped, and when he said
Hep" no man hepped. And the Cen
turion gnashed his medals and cried,
What is this, and who am II" And some
answered and said, Thou art a shad and
We have forgotten how to handle spears
while thou vert Centurion" But others
said, Bah, thou art but a millinery shop.
and those are but bowling alley medals. -
And they Missed the Centurion and held
him in derision. And the Guard departed.
and there was none to call out save whes
war might come and real warriors were at
the head of those who fought
And the Centurion was stripped of his
raiment and the medals were placed in
the melting pots. thus fulfilling the
prophesy OF the first parable OF the Guard