davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Judging IA Mules Speed.

"When / was a young man, quoth
Officer Fayette Jones, from stand
point of years, l used to trade mules oc-
casionally. One day had dispute
with man to whom had sold an ami
NAL about its speed. We were unable to
agree between ourselves, so we called
in an old codger who talked with a
drawl and used almost as much tobacco
as he raised. We stated the question
to him, Which is the faster of the
mulesY He asked to be taken to the
stable and stood there watching the
mules eat He chawed and looked, and
looked and chawed. We wondered what
he could tell about their speed simply
by looking at them, but finally he
pointed out the mule / had sold and
said, That air the fastest of them
mules.
. How do you know we asked in
one breath
I" We'll, he replied that FOUNDER
one takes two chaws to Others one an
eff one mule chaws faster than t'other
it's natural that he's a faster critter.
1T was philosophy that I've never
forgotten, and now whenever l want
to know the relative speed of horses
or mules | judge EN- by the way they
chew "-Paducah Sun.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
HUMOR OF THE HOUR.

"You threw mp good job to go to
The armyr"
eyes, sir. =
"You were in good circumstances
perhaps 2"
~ had nothing whatever but my
salary.
lyon were promised that you should
have your job again when you return
ed2"
mo, | couldn't ask that. | didn t
know how long | might be gone.
1T would have been no more than
right to give it back to you anyhow. A
man who goes and risks his life for love
of country
ITO tell the truth, il WASH t exactly
love of country. The country had never
done anything for me so far as i know,
and / wasn't stopping over with love
for it, "
"Well, at any rate you sympathized
with the sufferings of the oppressed
Cubans'
Darn the Cubansp'
"Then what did you join the army
for2''
''Glory - bitterly replied the return
ed soldier, folding his arms. Don t
you suppose / knew that all the prize
money went to the navy Chicago
Tribune
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
The Overture to "Tank Ready"

A man who writes theatrical gossip
for a London paper gravely declares
that he knows manager who was
greatly concerned lest the music for a
tank play he was putting on should be
inappropriate The director of the or
chestra suggested several suitable num-
bers from "Lurline' and THE Lily of
Killarney, and so on But the manager
could not be satisfied He wanted some
thing that should have direct relevance
to the great water illusion At last his
conductor. in despair, suggested in a
grimly humorous moment the overture
to "Tancredi
1.-THE very thing, said the manager.
why didn you think of that before ?
Put it down on the bill, my boy in
big letters - the overture to Tank
Ready = "
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Ground For Comp,aint.

Small Politlcian-I want to talk to
you. sir. about a remark you made
about me in your paper. You called me
a political jobber, sir
Editor-Yes, it was very annoying
typographical error. and | promptly
fired the compositor
Small Politician - All Then yor
didn't mean to call me a jobber2
Editor-No. sir l wrote 'robber ="
very distinctly. Catholic Standard and
Times
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Matrimony Will Flourish Then.

Wickwire-This prominence of wo-
men is going to cause trouble 80 or 40
years hence.
Mrs. Wickwire-I'd like to know
who'll be troubled.
Wickwire-The girl babies who are
being named after eminent women. 1t
will be impossible for them to keep peo-
pie from guessing their ages. Indian
apolis Journal
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Romance Versus Reality.

''It is my intention, said newly
married man at an Oak Park dinner
recently, Ito have our pictures taken
with my wife's hand on my shoulder +"
And l, responded another man of
more experience, lam thinking of hav
ing ours taken with my wife 5 hand ON
my pocketbook Chicago News
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
John or a Pension.

The following letter from Georgia
was recently forwarded to the war de-
partment
Dear Cover mint:
SnR-Would you please release our John
from the army9 He's one o. these here vol
unteers what didn't have no more sense than
to git in, an he's been in six months an hahn {
had nary leg or arm shot off yit, an onless we
gifts pension fer him right away wants
him 10 come home. We can't git along on his
salary; what we needs is pension.
Atlanta Constitution
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
The Price of Affection.

The Mother am sure you would
learn to love my children.
Nurse What wages do you pay?
The Mother Eighteen pounds year.
Nurse am afraid, ma am, could
only be affectionate with them at that
price. Glasgow Evening Citizen.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Opportunitiea.

lyon say your territory consists of
great many islands, said the Ameri
can politician.
Yes, answered the Filipino.
"And these are all separated by chan
nels of water, of course?''
eyes
"And you don't want to come into
this country? Why, you're foolish.
Think of the chance you'd have at a
river and harbor bill w Washington
Star
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Good Cheer

Nanette--Ah, but beauty is only skin
deep, after all How do know that the
man l marry will not become cold when
/ begin To fade?
Gladys-Oh, don't worry about that |
The man who marries you will Danish
beauty from consideration at the start,
Cleveland Leader
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
His Cruelty.

Mrs. Crimsonbeak- your hus-
band grumble when his dinner isn't
ready on time?
Mrs. Yeast-Oh, no. He always sings
while he's waiting
"Well, some husbands are cruel,
aren't they Yonkers Statesman.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Putting IL More Correctly

She--I suppose every man in this
world has limited amount of conceit?
He-Not at ALL madam. Most of us
have an unlimited amount. Brooklyn
Life.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02

During the siege of Paris no fewer
than %. 900, 900 letters sailed ont of the
city in the "a balloons dispatched be-
tween the 10th OF September 1876 and
the 2Sth of January. ISL
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
An Unlocked For Chance.

Simpkins-Brace up, old man Take
a more cheerful view of life Why bor
row trouble2
Addison-Speaking of borrowing ]
would find it much easier to get along
without borrowing trouble if you would
let me have the $40 you borrowed from
me for two days about year and a
half ago. Chicago News
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02

Housekeeper ordered dozen or
anges today, Mr.. Titefyst, and you only
sent me IL. How was that?
Grocer-Well, ma am, one of them
was bad. and | didn't think you want
it. Philadelphia Catholic Standard
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
STOMACH DISEASES
No Matter What You've Tried, Try This

The manufacturers of brakes Dyspep.
STA Cure and Nerve RestOrer offer $1OO>
for any case OF stomach uroubles-In.'
digestion, Gastric Distress, Sour StOm.
ach, Nervous Dyspepsia, Irregular Bow
els, Headache, and Sleeplessness cancer
excepted that car not be Permanently
Cured with brakes Dyspepsia Cure and,
Nerve RestOrer. No exceptions made tol
age or past treatment. Full instruc-t
tions with each treatment: inquire at
Fisk Bangs, druggist.
A valuable book on Stomach and
Nerve Troubles, their various symp-
toms and treatment: given free at the
aforementioned drug store.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Does Not
Cost ANY More

to go to Philadelphia and New York
via Washington over Penusyl vaniat
Short Lines than over direct Pennsyl-,
vania Lines. Tickets via Washington
gooo for ten days stop-over at Nation
al Capital may be from agents of con-
Meeting lines in Michigan, or through
F. M. Bushong. T. p. Agt., GO Griswold
St, Detroit. who will reserve sleeping
car space upon application.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02

On the first railways candle stuck
in station house window meant
"stop. Its absence was a signal to &c
on
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
All Wool.

THAT boy of mine, remarked the
proud parent, ''is the genuine article
He's all wool, you can bet -
"Shouldn wonder, commented old
Grumpy. II notice that he shrinks
from washing Philadelphia Record
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02
Dancing Is Injurious. Sometimes.

When first they met, twas in dancing school /;
She was his partner, seemingly by chance;
Now in the school of life they re partners STILL
And she is leading him pretty dance.
philadelphia Bulletin
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02

It's better to marry and be boss than
never to have bossed at all.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02

A business man always reads the
postscript OF woman's letter first.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02

There's something crooked about the
business OF corkscrew manufacturer.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02

NTANTED-Hustllng, energetic agent, either.
w man or woman, in every town and county,
in the United States and Canada, TO introduced
our goods; no schemes no gifts, no humbugs Il
straight, honorable. legitimate business; we
furnish best of bank reference: send for our
wholesale price list and full particulars. Amer
lean Tea Co, Detroit. Mich
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1899-03-02

Young Rhinoceros-l wonder is that
my horn coming out or only wart.-
New York Journal.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09

son&llye collected ninety three garments,
belongs the honor of having collected the
largest number ever collected by one IN
dividual in st. Paul.
Inc garments will be distributed as fol-
lows: St. Luke's hospital, 150; Babies
nome zOo; Deaconess' home, 200 Free
dlspensary, 90; Woman's Christian home.
Nv bethel, ZOO Rescue home, 150; Young
woman Friendly association, $50; Cath
onc institutions, 200; day nursery, 20e;
f1eorewi Benevolent association, 200;
Alng daughters, 1854; city hospital, 1885,.
home Tor the Friendless, Ito; Protestant
Orphan'n asylum, 200; Church home So,
Relief society, 900
reports were read by Mrs G. w: Hack
ett' secretary, ana Mrs. Daniel Davies,
VINO served on acommittee with Mines.
DeuGan', ASanborn. -CIapp, Michaud, Yapp
ana davies, to look I'D new section presi
oents. Mrss Dawes reported that the fol-
lowing women had consented to act in
tnat capacity: Mrs. J. W. Willis, st.
Luxe church; Mrs. M. J.. Doran.s the
cathedral; Mrs. R..L. AGoodkind. Hebrew
church; Miss Clementina Luke. Sacred
Aeart church. These new presidents,
Mrs Dawes stated. shad materially in-s
creased the showing sthe branch would
make Tor the current3year. SIS
An election Of officers resulted as fol-
lows: President. Mrs Hiram T.. Stevens:
secretary, Mrs. NorvaI Marchand; assist
ant secretary, Mrs f. c. Dougan; treas
urer, Mrs. Albert p. Moss. Mrs c. w.
Haokett formally resigned the Office of
secretary yesterday, (which she has Held
FOR eight years Her resignation was most
unwillingly accepted.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
We MUST REPEAT
When Everybody in st. Paul Tells
the Same Story.

1t Is hard to say new things about
Doan's Kidney Pills. The cure the lame
and aching back, the 81 rer from kid
ney disorders and the troubles of those
whose urinary organism is wrong In it's
action. That they do this IS so easy to
prove that not a vestige of doubt remains
Public Endorsement of local citizens is
easily proven. Read this case:
Mrs. A. Fitzpatrick of las Mount Airy,
says: MIR. Fitzpatrick has on a number
of occasions spoken Of the great value of
Doan's Kidney Pills, which he had the
good fortune to learn about and get box
at F. M. Parker's drug store, corner of
Wabasha and Fifth streets. He had
pains in his back which were very severe
after a days work. The use of Doan's
Kidney Pills so wonderfully benefited him
that he heartily recommends them to all
sufferers from kidney troubles"
Doan's Kidney Pills for sale by all deal
ers. Price so cents. u Foster Milburn Co.,
Buffalo, N. Y, sole agents for the u. s..
Remember the nane-Doan's-and take
no substitute.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
Talked to patternmaker..

st. Paul Patternmakers' union held a
short session last evening in hall No. 1.
Assembly rooms. The members were adj
dressed by John B. Swift, organizer Of
the American Federation of Labor and
the Minnesota State Federation Of Labor:
The following officers were elected and
will be installed at the next regular meet
Ing: President, Paul Roehnish; vice pres
ident, B. w. Manson; recording secretary,
Norman Caveth; treasurer, David Swan
son; guide. H. Roehnish: inside guard, L.
Hedenstrom. Hereafter the patternmek-
srs union Will tGeet on the first and third
FRIDAYS of each month. ..---.. -,
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
BAZAAR DRAWS WELL.
Event at the Armory Meeting With
Success.

A large attendance at the German
Catholic bazaar. which Is being held in
the armory, made last evenings enter
tainment lively. An orchestra furnished
music, and the booths of the different
churches did a heavy business in fancy
articles. The wheel of fortune was a
leading attraction, and large amount
OF Fancy work and articles donated by
the ladies' was disposed Of. The dining
room, in charge of committee of ladies
from different parishes, accommodated a
large crowd and the receipts were heavy.
The contest between several of the
leading priests Of the city for hand
some steel range donated by the Amer
lean House Furnishing company, was
merrily waged. Large numbers of votes
have been cast, and owing to the equal
ity existing between the constituencies
Of each Of the candidates, unusual eff
forts to swell the totals were made. The
result Of the voting Is kept secret and
VIII be announced on Saturday night.
The dining room cleared about $50 on
Tuesday. and the receipts from the DIFF
ferent booths were somewhat over $500.
Raftles were held In which Robert Hess
Ter, Mrs A. Heger, Miss steger, P. J.
Esch. Miss Mary Rupp, Mrs. Brenhofer,
Nicholas schilling, Y. Breck, Mrs. Gerer,
Miss Edna Stenger and Miss Weinsberger
won different articles Of fancy work and
furniture
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
The American ToIstoi.

William Dean Howells, the American
exponent Of school of fiction whose
chief leader is the Russian novelist, Toll
stoi, will lecture at the Peoples church
next Monday. evening, NoY. Is. His sub
lect will be Novels, and Novel Writing"
fitted by virtue Of real experience to tell
what the novel is as Mr.. Howells, his
growth as a novelist having been a steady
Their Wedding Journey" in 1872. TThe
Rise Of Silas Lapham," most deeply tinged
with the dull brown Of realism marks the
middle period of Howells' DEVELOPMENT
Mr.. Howells' latest phase-his interest in
Americas social problems-the meaning
capital, and more broadly the mystery St Of
poverty and of human suffering, is typi-
fed "A Hazard Of New Fortunes" The
indications are that the Peoples church
will be filled next Monday evening to
listen to this greatest American author.
Reserved seats can be obtained at How
o'clock.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
pgEIS 1Sl ( ! {, /
III Z q BORIS
s....u.uF EEl.ED

Amalganated Woodworkers' Union No
30 held a lively meeting last evening In
hall No. l, Assembly rooms. The resigna-
ton Of delegate to the building trades
council, H. NJ Hammond, was accepted
and J. Carlson elected to fill the vacancy
J. Shuneman having failed to attend reg
ularly the meetings of Twin City Wood
workers council, Minneapolis, Victor
Johnson was elected in his place. Louis
Hansen, Of Minneapolis, business agent Of
the council, was present and conferred
with the members Of the St. Paul union
on matters of interest to the craft. A
resolution was passed, which will be pre-
sented to President Mckinley and the
Minnesota congressional delegation, re-
questing the removal of United States
troops from the vicinity of Wardner,
Idaho, the scene Of the recent strike
among the miners. The resolution recites
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
NEEDLEWoRK GUILD.
Reports of the Busy Year That Has
Peen Closed.

Heen Closed.
The Needlework guild an organization
formed eight years ago in st. Paul for the
purpose OF supplying the needy with
serviceable clothing, held its annual meet
Ing yesterday at the Relief hall on Ninth
street. The guild is divided into sections,
each section being in charge of a presi-
dent. These presidents made the follow
Ing report yesterday of garments collect
ed by them. Mrs. Edmund Rice, 1874;
Mrs. c. w. Hackett, "A; Mrs. Thomas
Montgomery, 30; Mrs. H. f. Stevents, 144;
Miss Helen Baum, 10; Mrs. A. P. Moss,
AZ; Mrs. Kenneth Clark, 121; Mrs. B. H.
Evans, 1877; Mrs. A. R. McGill, 142; Mrs.
E. c. Dougan, 100; Mrs. Daniel Davies,
1919; Mrs. j. w. L. Corning, 112; Mrs. F.
]. Haynes, LOG; Mrs. e. L. Mann, 116;
Mrs. S. G. Perry, 143; Mrs. ]. E. Schadle,
II; Mrs. A. J. Clapp, 3O3; Miss Olive
Framm, %; Mrs B. H. Ogden, 1872; Mrs
e. H. Cutter. 12S; Mrs. w. D. Kirk, 10;
Mrs. J. w. Waite, liz; Mrs A. T. Smith,
113; Miss A Carpenter, 121; Mrs. Thomas
Yapp, SO: Miss Margaret Borland, 121;
Mrs. C. Michaud, 10; Mrs. 3. L. Good
kind, 145; Mrs. John w. Willis, las; Mrs. E.
o. Duncan, II; Miss Clementina Lake,
So. This makes total Of 3616 garments
collected, 200 in excess of last years fig
ures. To Mrs. Thomas Yapp, who per-
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
YOUNG, BUT OH MY.
Mrs. Anna Mecay Couldn't Live With
Her Husband Edward.

Judge Lewis yesterday ordered findings
for the plaintiff in the divorce case of
Anna Mecay against Edward Mecay on
the ground Of cruel and inhuman treat
n4ent. The plaintiff, who is twenty years
old, was married to the defendant, who
is twenty-nine, in February, 1898. Mrs.
Mecay told the court that her husband
had pounded and abused her, called her
names. aad, finally had been addicted to
the habit Of sticking darning needles
Into her person after retiring. Further
more She" said Edward had tried, ITO
smother the baby" This recital Of woes
resulted IN the granting Of the decree
A judicial separation was also granted
to Mrs. Minnie Gerth. She was married
In st. Paul, in 1890, to Frederick Gerth,
blacksmith, and since then, she told
the court, her husband has been guilty
Of habitual drunkenness and non-gupport.
Mrs. Gerth is stwenty-seyen years old,
and her husband eleven years older.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
Died OF Heart Dtaense.

The post-mortem examination held to
determine the cause Of the death of Eric
Lundberg, who died at the city hospital,
Monday, just as he began to inhale chic
veloped that the patients heart was dis
eeased. DR.. Briggs, who attended Lund-
berg, says the man had suffered from
pneumonia and also had heart trouble.
IN the weakened condition of his heart,
tundberg succumbed while under the in
nqence Of the drug, DR.. Briggs says at
tI1butlng the cause of death directly to
the disease Of the heart.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
SOME LEFT!
Scenes and Pictures Of~the Late
Standardization War-Read On!
Greatest Offer Ever Made-This
AlEarun


Contains $50 superb half-tone engravings,
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Charles King, the author). Wheeler. Hob
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Sent FREE to any address In the United
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Order at once. as the edition Is limited.
Address Warren ]. Lynch. General Pas
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Mark envelope War Album e~
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
sCALDED TO DEATH.
Fatal Accident to a Little TvvO-Year-
Old Girl.

Bessie Godell, the two-year-old daugh-
ter Of Mr.. and Mrs. Harry GodeII, iiv-
Ing at 622 Cottage street. died Monday
from being scalded by tub Of hot water
which the infant accidentally overturned
The child was terribly scalded about the
body. DR.. Whitney administered every
possible relief. but the shock was too
severe for the delicate system and the
child died few hours after the accident
happened.
The accident occurred about noon Mrs.
Godell left a tub Of boiling water on g.
chair, while absent from the kitchen a
moment The child caught the edge Of
the tub to look into It and pulled the
tub from the chair. The boiling water
saturated the childs clothing, and when
an effort was made to remove the gar
ments 1t was found that the flesh was
almost parboiled.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09

that the offending miners have been tried
by the civil courts, sentenced and are
now in prison, and that there is no fur
ther necessity for retention Of a military
force in that locality. Receipts, SIT; ex-
penSeS $34
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
Carnis Pleads Not Guilty.

Isaac Carnis appeared before Judge
Bum yesterday and pleaded not guilty.
in the second degree. At the SUGGESTION
OF the county attorney Carnis was re-
leased on his own .recognizance and the
case continued until the November term
or court. Carnis was indicted Jointly
with Moritz Carnis on a charge of steal
Ing quantity Of old rags. He came
down voluntarily from Grand Forks to
Judge Willis. ~
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09

On Sunday afternoon and evening there
branch Of he Frsterna1 Hs Srder " Raqies
an organization similar in form and pur-
pose to the order of Elks. Horace q.
Merkel, of Seattle, Wash, Is national
organizer, and Is now in the city work.
ing up interest In the lodge.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09

. The The Master BARRIERS association have
work, the same to go Into effect on
Nov Is: Hair cutting, Is cents; shaving,
10 cents; neck shaving, cents; mustache
cents. A constitution and bylaws was
adopted. The regular meetings will be
held on the first and third Tuesdays of
each month In Assembly Hall No. 2, Wa
basha and Third streets.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
Members Didn't Attend.

The fathers and stonemasons' unions
met last evening and adjourned soon af-
bers present for the transaction of i'm
portant business.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
SUING THE SURETY.
Action Begun Against the City Trust
Of Philadelphia.

George Hunter has garnisheed the eff
fects of the City Trust, Safe Deposit and
Surety Company of Philadelphia to re-
cover $1,000 alleged to be due him on a
judgment. Hunter sued the Baltimore
Packing company and recovered judg-
ment, and the defendant appealed The
City Trust company became surety on
the trust bond. The Baltimore company
withdrew from the estate before the su.
preme court rendered It's decision, and
could not subsequently be reached by the
judgment. Now Hunter has garnisheed
w. p. Roberts and Samuel e. Andrews,
agents Of the surety company at Mime
apolis.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-11-09
THROWN FROM HER BUGGY.

Mrs. M. w. Brown, of IgIehart Street,
Painfully Hurt.
Mrs W. w. Brown, living at 81 Iglehart
street, was painfully injured yesterday
afternoon by being thrown from a buggy
at Sixth and St. Peter streets. Mrs
Brown was driving down st. Peter street
and in turning the corner there was a.
collision with the carriage Of e. H Cut
Ter. Mrs. Brown was taken to her home
in the Cutler conveyance.