Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-10-26
TWAIN ON CHRISTIAN SCIENCE.
lie Gives some of Ills own Amusing
ENpsrfenccs.
0rosbyIorlan standarll

presbyterian Standard)
Mr. Editor.-It g. rather inconcevable
that anybody with mind enough To read
and enjoy your bright and vigorous paper
could believe m the blasphemous abb
surd.ty miscaued Christian Science
and ! darcsay Mrs Eddy has no follow
ers among your readers. People who
have studied the solid, clear and Scriptu-
ran propositions OF the shorter Cate
chism are not likely (o take much stock
boz thc sloNeniy. ungrammaucal, con-
fused and contradictory vagaries OF this
female charatau aod unparalleled hum
buE Nul DO is well known that great
many people who had not before been
suspected of insanity have enthusiastic
caIy adopted her teachings many
that AIRS. Eddy Bee growing rich fast. and
numbers of her deiuded followers have
been prosecuted by the State authorities
for mnsiaughtcr. IL may. therefore not
Dee mUmoly to caN attention Go au ar
ucie hy our broad humorist and acute
observer. Mark Twain. in The tosmopoli-
tam for October edited by John Bristow
Walker. Iryington. y. T.. price do centsl
which is at once the funniest and The
most sensible thing ] nave ever seen
from Dis pen. There are o,'asl"nal un-
pleasantly frrcyerenf expressions ln IT,
b,n hc is NOS .1 much responsible Tor
them as ifs tho preposterous and wicked
theory which he SIS pulyetzns.
Everybody VIII recognize the eer-lla.ihs
of Mark .n the opening sentence; il's
last summer 'Whcu J WIS on my way
back ta Vienna from The Qppeule-cufe
fn fLe mountains [ iell over clln ln the
twilight and broke some arms anu less
and one thing or other ana Dy soou iuch
was found by some peasants VINO had
lost an ass. and they carried me TO the
nearest habitati0u, which was one OF
those LARGE. low. thatch-r0Ofed farm
houses with apartments IN the garrett
for thc family. and a cunning litle porcn
under the deep gable. decorated with
boxes of brght-cOlOred flowers and cats;
ou the ground floor large and light sit
tiug-~oom separate from The milch cat
tie apartment boy a partition; and i'm the
front yard rose stately and me the
wealth and pride Of the house, the ma
nure-pile That sentence is Germanic. and
shows that / am acquiring that sort OF
mastery Of the art and spirit OF the IAN
guage which enables man 10 travel all
GAY i'm one sentence without change OF
cars"
In the village a mile av ay was female
/ Christian Science doctor from Boston,
who was sent for. as there was no sur
/ geon to be had She could not come. as
/ 10 was night. but sen. word that Il was
no matter. she would give him absent
treatment" now ard come in the morn
I ing. meantime she begged him to make
I
remember that there was nothing the
matter with him. The remarks OF Mark
| when he received this message are in
| terestng and spicy 10 degree. Next
morning she came. and they were soon
/ exchanging views in a highly cditying
/ manner. the account of which runs
\ through ten fascinating pages. When he
] began TO talk about how he ielt. ana nuns
/ out his tongue, she said: return %
/ fits receptacle We deal with the mind
/ only. not with its DUMB servants ano
] told him that one did not feel; there d
no such thing as feeling. Matter has no
/ existence: nothing exists but mind; the
/ mind cannot feel pain; II can only
] imagine IT,
"But if il hurts just the same
ct doesn't A thing which is unreal
/ cannot exercise the functions of reality
| Pain is unreal; hence pain cannot hurt.
In making a sweeping gesture 10 indl-
/ cate the act of shOOing the illusion ol
pain out OF the mind. she raked her hand
/ ON pin I'm her dress, SAID 'ouch, and
went TRANQUILITY on with her talk. he
maid tr0d ON the cats tail the cat let
fy @ frenzy of eat profanity. and Marx
| asked with caution. rs cats OPINION
about pain valuable|' Her explanations
/ We're as clear as mud, nut very Hueht any ,r1
learned: so much SO that Mark says; III
/ Is very curious the effect which ChflS-
/ tiau Science has upon the verbal bowels.
II makes one think Of dictionary VII
I the cholera" He only thought TINS, Tie
did not saw it TO the Boston lady.
H. rad Science and Health. and hs
/ Judgment is that "0f all the stranse' anu
/ frantic and incOmprehensible. and unln-
/ terpretabla books which the lmasnatlon
! of man has created surely this one L. the
/ prize sample. IL is written with limit
+ less confidence and complacency, ana WIN
"a dash and stir and eaInestHeS9 WIZ
/ often compel effects of eloquence. even
when the words do rot seem 10 nave &riy
/ traccable meaning. 1T Is tic ~
/ limo since the dawn-days of creation thdI
a voice has gone crashing through speSe
] with such placid and complaceht 'oIi"-
/ deuce and command. go, -...,, 80,
] He says that an the 'mind secls V1
cept Christian Science have Iucl4 III ,eI-
I walls in which they confess mat they are
not thescQuals of the Deity. ,,-,..-
one - the interesting things m Maih 7
paper is his easy demonstration thaI ni !.
T EDDY cannot write English. 1eI IlIs II
Inc woman who las led thousands INTO a
iumhled and frantic denial not only or thl
/ Facts Of revealed religion, buy even OF
+ the testimony of the senses ana the coA'
/ mon Judgments Of every age OF men:
/ II viii be seen that the humoIlst ar
/ ticlo is not elegant everywhere but ll j.
/ hard sense. and fl Will do good. ,,--
/ Acre is his conclusion: Mrs. fOpei
/ brought in an itemiZed b'u Tor "a craze
1 of broken bones mended I'm TWO huhdIeu
/ and thirty-four places-I per fracture.
Nothing exists but Mind g.
"Nothiug' shs answered. All eise u
eubstancolcss AN else is imaginary.
/ gave her a. imaginary check ana now
/ she is eueing me FOR substantial con. -
Isl . 1 e.