davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
ADJUSTMENTS.


A disappointed throng of people
crowded the lobby and steps of the
Salt Lake theatre last night, and even
the sidewalk was impossible. The oc-
casion of so much excitement on the
outside of the building was the fact
that the Sign of the Cross" company
was delayed somewhere just west of
Salt Lake, and arrived in the city about
two hours after the regular time for
the rise of the curtain. Treasurer Derr
was the busiest man for blocks around,
refunding money
The trouble is that the house is COM
pletely sold out for tonight, and to-
morrow night, SO many who were look
ing forward to last nights performance
were what is Familiarity known as
left" To meet this difficulty to the
best of the managers ability an extra
matinee will be given this afternoon at
popular prices. In other words, those
who so desired, could change their
ticket for last night for matinee
ticket, and receive so cents refunded
besides. This is very square indeed,
and even while the greatest disappoint-
ment in the matter falls on Mr.. Piper,
he is most considerate of his public.
The engagement will now consist of
two matineeS and two evening per-
fOrmanceS
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
EEGALIZlNG IMMORTALITY.

Senator Creel of the North Dakota
legislature introduced bill providing
that all applicants for marriage IL
censes must previously pass an exam
ination made by a board of state ply
sicians, to establish the applicants
physical and mental fitness for the
marriage state.
Statistics show that the number of
deformed children born in North Da-
kota has increased of recent years to
an alarming extent, and it is to pro-
mote a population healthy in body and
mind that Senator Creel wishes to
make it as difficult to marry in his
commonwealth as his predecessors
have made it easy to divorce
Senator Creel is evidently one >of
those serio-comic legislators to be
found in almost every state, who i'm
agine that adj laws are equally potent,
whether human or divine, and that, if
properly engrossed and approved, they
can accomplish anything their authors
intended, from enabling a man to lift
himself upstairs by the bosom of his
lIOuSeIS " IIdhIHS 1llLI HdHuSoIHe
when he's freclled, cross-eyed, hair
Tipped and hump shouldered.
1t is along this line, and with this
exalted idea of legislative enactments
that Senator Creel must have been
working when he proposed to limit the
advantages of married life to the bet
ter and more favored classes. Whether
the mental examination proposed goes
into the intellectual attainmentS of the
individual, is not clear, but the pre-
sumption is that he would be ex-
pected 60 know something of the three
R's-"Readin', Ritin' and 'Rithmatic."
If it refers to mental health rather
than training, it is not SO bad in this
one respect. But the proposed physi-
cal examination of matrimonial candi-
dates would result in more trouble,
family feuds, neighborhood insurrec-
tons and wholesale funerals than is
dreamed of in Creel's philosophy. Men
would take Richard the Third for
their model, and, if they could not play
lover, would surely play villain.
However excellent in theory the
measure may appear, in practice it
would promote immortality, increase
sexual offenses, fill the land with dam
gerous outcasts, and defeat it's own OBJ
ject in a little while.
Senator Creel should get someone to
read him the writings of some scien-
tific man on this subject.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21

pest camps had inspired. On the 10Th
of last August it said:
4 The American people does not care
rap whether Secretary Alger orders
an investigation of the war department
or not. 1t would have no confidence
IN the result of such an Investigation.
and it's determination to have an in
vestigation through congress would
not siacken in the least. The only good
such an inquiry could do, even if
honest and thorough, is to locate re-
sponsibility in particular bureaus now
| borne by the whole department"
| Noredid the American people have any
confidence in that investigation. Con-
| gress refused to recognize it and the
| result is another investigation through
which new scandals are being brought
to light every day.
The indignation and chagrin of the
people have gradually faded, but in its
place appears a feeling of intense dis
gust at the pitiable position of the pres
ident. For it has been revealed by the
testimony made public and by the
statements of Hanna and Alger, that
William Mckinley is as much to blame
as Alger is; that he is a president of
clique or class represented by Alger and
Hanna; that he is an accessory to the
criminal acknowledgement of the army,
not only because he retains incompetent
heads of bureaus, nor yet altogether
because, as COMMUNICATIVE chief of the
army and navy, he fails in the dis
charge of his duties as such, but be-
cause he was in daily consultation with
Alger all through the war and was
thoroughly advised of all that took
place.
And Mckinley poses as a military
man. He made his war experience a
telling feature of his political cam
paigns. Lincoln made no such preten-
sions. He was neither a major nor a
colonel. 1t wasn't claimed for him that
he was modern edition of the great
Napoleon. He was a civilian, country
lawyer, rail-splitter But he was hon
est and humane. He knows no more OF
Cameron than Mckinley knows of AL
ger. He had no better opportunities to
find him out, but when Lincoln dis
covered that Cameron was guilty of
some of the things that have been
traced to Ayers door, although the Of
Tense was never so conclusively proved
as it has been proved against Alger,
Lincoln dismissed Simon Cameron from
the secretaryship of war.
Mckinley may be honest; he may be
humane. But he isn't free, he isn't the
patriot, he isn't the man that Lincoln
was.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21

stripped OF every sail and snugly hove
to, awaiting the oncor1ing cyclone.
/ The tempest broke over the Nyanza
and her strange consort.. The latter
disappeared into the foam and mist,
and was lost to sight for nearly forty
1 minutes. When the sun reappeared she
was seen riding TRANQUILITY only a mile
or so off, and apparently uninjured.
| Captain McLauchlan, scarcely believ-
| ing the evidence of his senses, resolved
to further investigate the crew of the
Egyptian vessel. Luckily, he had an
interview with her captain. 1t only
served to verifEss the facts as related.
several photographs were taken by
! Mate Walker, but all attempts to solve
the mystery attending the methods
pursued in training the odd crew failed.
Imagine crew of docile chimpan-
ices or gorillas,," said Captain Nc
Lauchlan. i didn't know which they
were, but each more powerful than a
couple of men. No need of donkey en-
gines to help hoist sails, double top
sail yards or other labor-saving de-
vices. One of those fellows on the
tail end of brace or sheet would
make "bucko'' mate with a Delaying
pin laugh with glee, while there would
be no charges of murder as a result
of collisions which might occur between
officers and crew."
Captain McLauchlan thinks that the
inauguration of monkey crews would
reorganize things afloat The cost of
sailing vessels would be reduced to a.
minimum, Jack the grumbler'' would
disappear from the forecastle, and it
would require only two or three human
officers to run a ship. Naturally, the
hands" would be as we'll taken care
OF as possible, also, for as property
they would cost money, and on the
same principle that man takes care
OF his horses, the owners would keep
strict account of them.
The idea of employing big monkeys
as sailors is not without precedent.
Even Admiral Schley has had an ex-
perence with them, which furnishes
one OF his most interesting stories Ac-
crodlng to the New York Marine Jour
nal, 1t was when he was executive of
hcer OF the Benicia, in the East In
dies. In 1868, that he had a mighty in
teillgent orang-outang as a member of
ms crew 1t was educated by the
ooatswain's mate, and picked up re-
naTkable degree of culture, audacity
and the finer trimmings of humanity
among the men. 1t learned it's ham,
mock number, slept in it regularly. and
picked it out of the bunch unerringly
every evening. Its services in shorten
ing sail or other work aloft, the adj
miral says, were worth those of any
five men in the crew.
While CAPTAIN McLauchlan realizes
his experience is not without prece-
dent he thinks that the wonderfully
able manner in which the dhow was
handled makes a most remarkable
story. The Nyanza has a big cargo of
HAS baskets of sugar She has also
eleven Philippine islanders among her
crew as sailors They shipped in the
far east, and are the largest number
which have ever entered this port in
that capacity.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
A. READERS LAMENT.


Carolyn Wells in the Bookman.)
I cannot read the old books
| read long years ago;
Eliot, Dickens, Thackeray,
BulWer and Scott and Poe,
Marryatt's yarns of sailor life,
And Hugo'S tales of crime;-
l cannot read the old books,
Because L haven't time.
l love the dear old stories,
My thoughts to them will stray;
But still one must keep posted on
The writer's of today.
My desk is piled with latest books
IN striving to dispatch;
But ere I've finished all of them,
Therell be another batch.
Hopes new one isn't opened yet,
I've not read James last;
And HoWells is so prolific now,
And Crawford writes so fast.
Evelyn lines | must skim,
Ger Helbeck l must pore;
The Days Work" I'll enjoy, although
I've read the tales before.
And there is THE Kings Jackal,"
THE Gadfy," Caleb West
Silence" ..1'he Forest Lovers. and
| can't name all the rest.
III try to keep up with the times,
But, oh, l hope that
May read my David Copperfield''
once more before [ die.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
VALUES OF EXPORTS.

Notwithstanding the increased for
eign demand for American produce,
which. for some inexplicable reason,
protectionists attribute to the Dingley
tariff law, the exports in provisions and
oils show marked decrease in value.
In other words, we have shipped more
of these products abroad, and have re-
ceived less in return from them than
was the case a year ago.
Take last month, for instance. The
statistics have just been published, and
they show an expectation in bread
stuffs, provisions, cotton and mineral
oils of a total value in constituents
abroad of $55, 1856, 1894, against $62, OO9, 1856
in February, 1885,
To get an idea of why a decrease in
receipts from the trade should attend
an increase in the foreign demand, look
at the price of wheat The quantity of
wheat exported last month was nearly
10000, 900 bushels, against 100000 in
February, 1898; while the value was
81, 1886, 1893, in February, 1899, against
Sc, 1874, OPS in February, 1898.
The reduction in value is easily seen
when the reader nlsl-es a comparison
of quantity.
Cotton exports in February, 1898, were
alued at 81, 761. 161. while in February,
1899, they were valued at $l7.726, 463
There has been war with its attend
ant requirements, the government is a
heavy purchaser of foodstuffs and
clothing, the foreign demand for Amer
lean goods was never greater, there Is
an increase in the volume Of export
shipping, and still the returns are less
than they were year ago.
And manufactured articles, generally,
sell for more at home than they do
abroad. Is this Dingley protection?
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
"SECWAR" AND "JAGWAR."
Telegraphic Names For Designating
Government Officials.

Telegraph Age.)
The application of the government s
new code address system, designed to
save money in the transmission of cable
messages has gone into effect. The first
message under this new order of things
was addressed to ''Agwar,'' who in plain
English is the adjutant general of the
army.
A great amount of money has been
wasted since the war with Spain began
in the use of superfuousi words in ad-
dresses and signatures to official cable
messages. General Shafter and General
Brooke have filed messages that con-
tanned a dozen extra words in address
es and signatures One of General SHAFT
ter's dispatches was addressed to Hon
R. A. Alger, secretary of war, war de-
partment Washington, D. c." and
signed wv. r. Shafter, major general,
commanding Fifth army corps
These twenty-one words, charged
against the government at the rate of
more than a dollar EACH are under the
systdm just instituted reduced to three.
Such a message under the new system
would be Addressed "Secwar, Washing
ton" and signed merely "Shafter." The
judge advocate general of the army
now redoices in the telegraphic code
name of "Jagwar," which, INTERPRETED,
means judge advocate general, war de-
partmcnt.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
A Play On Words.


That humorous play on words which de-
scribes the visit of the frog, the duck. the
lamb and the skunk to the animal show
has become quite a familiar WitticiSm. In
fact, the man who spoke it is usually
warned by the smiles of his hearers that
he is going over threshed ground. Yet
there may be a few readers left who
haven't heard it. For their sake it is here
with repeated and a little postscript is
tackled on. which is quite as amusing as
the original story.
1t appears that one idle day the frog.
the duck. the lamb and the skunk started
forth together to visit the show. Just
what sort of show it was the chronicler
doesn't state. Anyway, it was something
that the queerly assorted quartette was
anxious to attend, and they hoped and
waddled, and gamboled. and trotted to-
ward the big canvas Enclosure with de-
lightful throbs of anticipation.
Finally, they reached the door tender,
the frog leading the line.
Well, the frog had greenback and
passed right in.
The duck had bill and followed the
frog.
The lamb had four quarters and follow
ed the frog and the duck.
But the unfortunate skunk was left on
the outside. He had only a scent
Naturally, he turned away feeling pretty
blue.
As he was slowly going back over the
hill he met a hoop snake rolling along at
lively rate toward the show. The
skunk greeted him, but the snake did not
Don't interrupt me- he cried over his
shoulder L have to do a turn and I'm
a little late.
And he rolled along.
At the top of the hill the skunk noticed
another old friend approaching. 1t was
the sardine.
''Hullo.' cried the sardine; what's the
matter"
So the skunk told him.
Il can guess how you feel about it,"
said the sardine, sympathetically, L be-
long to the snelt family myself. But,
saw. old fellow, you come right back and
60 in with me-Tve got a box"
So the skung and the sardine went back
tngether.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
BRYAN is A DEMOCRAT.

The Bryan Belmont correspondence
over the Croker banquet to be given in
New York on Jefferson's birthday is
made public in this mornings dis
patches.
Perry Belmont, who claims to believe
la every Democratic doctrine except
that of bimetallism, and who is there
fore regarded as a Democrat with vari-
ations, is president of the club under
whose auspices the banquet is being ar
ranged.
An invitation was extended to Will
liam j. Bryan to attend and participate
in the exercises. To accept would mean
the recognition of the club as a Demo-
cratic organization, the acceptance of
its membership as Democratic author
tiles, for it is not to be a social, but a
political function. SO Bryan declined.
There are those who claim that Bryan
is fusionist, that he believes in any
thing for harmony, everything for
votes. They have declared this in Utah,
in Idaho, in almost every state of the
west.
Men who repudfate every political
principle Jefferson taught, who oppose
every doctrine of the Democratic party
with the possible exception of one. have
intimated that Bryan favors fusion
with those who believe in every article
of the Jeffersonian creed save one.
1t certainly looks as if the great
apostle of Jeffersonian Democracy
would prefer to fuse with the wander.
ing members CT his own tribe than with
the traditional and hereditary enemies
of the Democratic party.
But Bryan has shown that he is not
a fusionist at ali. whatever he may
have advocated in the past for the pur-
pose of making the way easy for ban
ished Republicans to enter q silver
camp. He is a Democrat, and as such
he stands for the free coinage of sill
Yer, revenue tariffs, unrestricted trade
with all the world, and no Oriental en-
tanglements. He stands for score of
things Republicans oppose, and he
knows that men who still cling to the
name of the Mckinley party, who re-
fuse to sever their connection with the
Republican party after all the deeIara-
tions it has made in national, state and
county platforms. in presidential mes
sages. in published interviews Of real
party leaders, in the editorial utter
ances of administration organs east and
west, in the frank and i5oastful resolu-
tions of the National League of Re
publican clubs, in every official, semi
official and personal statement made by
followers of the president, are not as
loyal to the cause of bimetallism as
they are solicitous for the welfare of
the party Of the single gold standard.
Bryan has declared himself He is
not for compromise. He is a Democrat
of the original faith. He believes that
all Democrats who have strayed should
return, and that all Republicans who
are looking for justice. for equal rights,
for restitution of the money of the
people TO the people are welcome to the
,anhs Of Democracy.
This clamor for a compromise is folly.
This constant plea for perpetual flu
sion is wearing itself out.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21

expended and the cunning of his attor-
ney is exhausted
It might be just as well to provide the
chief litigant of the police department
with bed and board in the court room.
that he may never be obliged to leave
his fayorite haunt, and that he may
pass his remaining days as he evidently
aspires to pass then, in a court room
reveling in litigation.
In the meantime his sleuths will hand
in their reports and receive orders, and
the general business Of the other de-
partment of the district court may thus
proceed without the constant Interrupt
tions of Pratt appealing TO Judges and
juries to make his threats good.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
LINCOLN AND M'kINLEY.

One of the most faithful of all the
Republican organs supporting the Nc
Kiniey administration through thick
and thin is the Commercial Advertiser
of New York.
1t is now trying to excuse the presi-
dent, appease the public, discredit Gen.
eral Miles and brush I'D the coat of
whitewash administered by the war
commission; but when that commission
was appointed and the investigation or
dered with signs of distress and re-
luctance, the Commercial Advertiser
was filed with some of that patriotic
Indignation which the poor, enaciated
stragslers returning home from the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
Chief justices Cheap Smoke.

I'm the Senate restaurant" says the
Washington correspondent of the Chicago
Record, ''pie costs 10 cents, and the wait
ers levy a tip tax equal to 80 per cent of
the cost of the food consumed. Cigars
ars sold two for quarter and upward
and it is regarded as an evidence of low
breeding to accept change. Into this ar
day Associate Justice John M. Harlan of
the United States supreme court With
all the impressiveness of his six feet five
inches and his 200 and odd pounds weight.
he walked up to the cigar counter and
laid down a bright new dime. Then. in
that deep, full voice. which his son and
namesake in Chicago has found such a
valuable legacy, he said: Give me a mild
scent cigar WhereupOn poor commit
tee clerk who had just exchanged his
last quarter for 1.-TWO 'Cabbagios.' went
away to pnder on the democracy of Amer
lean Institutions
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
METEOROLOGICAL REPORT.
Yesterdays Record at the Local Of
fee of the Weather Bureau.

Salt Lake City, Utah, March 20. 1892
Maximum temperature, 81 degrees; min
imum temperature, 81 degrees; mean tenn
pera ture, AZ degrees, which is 1 degree
above the normal; accumulated excess of
temperature since 1st of the month, z
degrees; accumulated excess of tempera-
ture since Jan. !. SO degrees; total pre-
eipitation from p. m. to p. M, 20 inch;
accumulated excess of precipitation since
LIST of the month, sc inch; accumulated
excess of precipitation since Jan. l, L70
inches.
The following is the local forecast of the
weather for today: Rain or snow; sta
tionary temperature
l.. II. MURDOCH.
Section Director, Weather Bureau.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21

TIME TABLE IN EFFECT MARCH 10
1899.
ARRIVE.
From Ogden. Chicago. Omaha
St Louis, Kansas City and
From Ogden, Portland. Spokane.
Butte and San Francisco. -. S:55 IN.
From Ogden Chicago, st. Louis,
Omaha and Denver -........... 3:O5 pm.
FROM Ogden. Cache Valley and
IS San francisco ;.,:.-. .:...,... 7:2O pm.
r and intermediate points. .......: s:s5 am.
FROM Tintic. Mercur Milford
ana intermediate points ........ $50 pm.
+ rom Iooele and Terminus. 500 pm.
DEPART
For Ogden. Park City. Omaha.
chicago, Denver, Kansas City
and st. Louis. Observation-Disclosures 100 a. m.
For Ogden, Cache Valley and in
termedlate points ................ 500 m.
For Tintic, Mercur, Provo and
I'M intermediate, points 1880 am.
For ogden. Denver. st. Louis,
=, Chicago, San Francisco. GAO pm.
For Ogden, Butte, Portland, San
francisco. ........ .............. 9:45 m.
ror Provo, Sanpete. Milford
and Frisco ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS $50 p.m
Stor Tooele and Terminus ........ 7:45 am.
Trains south of Juab co lot run Sun
'Daily except Sunday.
City Ticket Office Under Masonic
Hall, Second South Street.
8. W. ECCLEs, D. e. BURLEY.
Gen. Traffic Manager. Gen. P. and 7. A.
w. H. BANCROFT.
Vice President and Gent Manager.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
Same Fares
Via Washin gton.

Tickets to Philadelphia and New
York via Washington are sold over
Pennsylvania Short Lines at same fares
as over direct line of Pennsylvania
system. Tickets via Washington are
good for ten days stop-over at National
Capital. Fares, time of through trains
and full information free for the asking.
Address George T. Hull, Travelling Pas
senger Agent, 1929 Seventeenth street,
Denver, Colo, or H. r. Dering, A. G. p.
Agent, 24S South Clark street, Chicago.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21

LEAVE. SALT LAKE CITY.
The Overland Limited for
Chicago, st. Paul, St Louis.
Omaha Kansas City, Denver. 100 am.
THE Atlantic Express" for Chi
cago, st. Louis, Omaha. Kan
sas City and Denver ..........,. $40 pm.
ARRIVE SALT LAKE CITY.
1.-The Overland Limited" from
Chicago, St.. Louis. Omaha,
Kansas City. Denver. ............ BIS pm
1.-The Pacific Express from Chi
cago, st. Paul. St. Louis, Oma-
ha, Kansas City and Denver. $50 am.
City Ticket Office. POI Main street.
Telephone No. e65.
H. NJ. CLAY. Gen. Agent.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-21
E'1Ezs.rSuz-zzzs=zzzzza's 1zz.i-n..1z
ton
A. WELL-KNOWN
NEW YORKER

pays this tribute to the Burlington's
dining-car service:
'nThe dining-car service of the Bur-
lington Route is about the best there
is. On every table in the dining-car
is fresh bunch of American-beauty
roses. one of which the waiter af1xes
to your coat when you have finished
your meal. The cloth is changed
with each guest, no matter how little
soiled. The menu, though not long,
is wonderfully well-selected and adj
mirably served"
Go East on the Chicago Special which
Iaa YES Denver at 1:40 D. m. or on the Yes
tibnIed Flyer which leaves at $50 p. m,
and YOU can see for yourself how good,
how clean, how reasonable in price, our
dining-car service is.
Ticket Office, PA S. W. Temple St.
Tickets at Offices OF connecting lines.
I. a. BENTON, Ticket Agent, r. g.
w. Ry., Dolly Block.
r. E. NESLEN, Travelling Pass. and
Freight Agent
w. F. M'MILLAN, Gen. Agt.
ga s.W. Temple St., Salt Lake City.