The times., 1899-03-06
THE FR1ENPA LANDLADY.
An AhifctiOn Suffered by the UnprO-
tccted" Ba,chcIor
From the New York SUM


interested me considerably when l read it
IN daily paper one morning last week,
said the disgruntled artist. The adver-
tisement ran thus:
NANTED-By gentleman, an unfinished room
in mouse where the Hndlady is not sociabe
How l sympathize with the unknown
advertiser the artist went on. Have !
not myself suffered from that most terrible
OF Affections, the friendly landlady? AS an
artist who has lived in New York ;or The
last ten years. my experience has been
large one, owing to the fact that | have
never fingered long in one place, being in
variably driven away sooner or later by
the insistent attentions, motherly or 9TH
erwise. of the landlady
Il well remember the first apartment
which occupied in this city. The landla y
appeared to be n pleasant hammered irish
woman from the little had seen of her;
the house was clean and well kept, ana l
looked forward TO long stay. Alas. it was
a dream. One night, just as | had put on
my slippers and an old coat there came
knock at the door.
Oh. Mr. Jones. said the landlady, for
she 1t was, you must be so lone.y up here
and we are going to have little music
this evening. Won't you come down?
The gentlemen who have the room next
yours are down there and one of them
both walters at the Millionaires' Club
she added with pride.
Now, | may be a snob. but I must own
that | did not regard it altogether in the
light of an honor to meet walters. even
from a Mllionaires' Club. on a footing of
social equality. Still, the invitation was
SO evidently kindly meant that | felt it
would be unmannerly to refuse on such
grounds, so ! murnured some excuse
about old coats and slippers not being
quite the correct get-up for musicale.
But Mrs. Hovey was not to be put of so
easily.
Why. that's no matter she eXclaim-
ed. you can easily slip on your coat and
shoes again and be downstairs soon as
| am | saw | was in for it and weakly
consented TO make the necessary change.
Over the horrors of that evening draw a
veil. Read Thackerays description of the
dinner party at Mrs. Cams and you will
get some idea of It.
This was but the beginning of many
similar evenings In vain l made ex-
cuses. l had work TO do. had toothache
| was just going out. l went through the
whole list Why, Mr. Jones. said Mrs.
Hovey. L do believe you think you are
not welcome. | can assure you your COM
pany affords us great pleasure After
three weeks | left. Mrs. Hovey on bid
ding me good-by insisted that / was to
be sure and come to see them often. Too
bad you are leaving. she said, just as we
are getting to know each other.
My next landlady was stout motherly
looking person hailing from Chicago. In
answer 10 my questions. she assured me
that the house was quiet one and that
| should be able TO work without disturb
ances. The very next day my troubles
began. About noon came the inevitable
knock. II was my hostess with many
anxious inquiries as to how | had passed
the night, and if everything was to my
liking. AS she was speaking her eyes
wandered continually 10 the sketch on
which | was engaged, toward which she
gradually edged herself.
" Well. | declare she exclaimed as
she finally brought up in front of it, If you
amt quite a mechanic,'
Having thus created an opening, this
appreciative creature entertained me for
at least half an hour with the complete
history of the various members Of her
family; how Joe. who much resembles me.
had married beneath him, while Emmeline
had married a Russian nobleman who
spoke seven languages perfectly. 'Emme-
line is coming on to see me next week and
you must meet her. You'll like her she
concluded. with conviction. ! never met
Emmeline. as left after the first week.
Il now decided to try a foreign estab-
lishment, as | had always heard that
things were so differently managed abroad
where landladies treat their tenants as
their superiors. With this idea in my mind,
! engaged a room from German woman
who / soon found occupied the room ad-
joining mine, the two being separated by
folding doors. All went well till New
Years Eve. On that night when / reached
home somewhat the worse for little ses-
sion with the boys was considerably star
tied to see the folding doors suddenly part
in the centre and to behold a smiling fe-
male figure of ample proportions which
bade me Happy New Year in a CHEEKY
voice. the doors then closing as suddenly
as they had opened.
" Great Scott | calculated, the thin end
of the wedge
Next day | was very i'll and kept my
room. Toward evening | heard repeated
ringings of the hall doorbell and the mur-
| mur of voices in the fraus apartment A
New Years party was evidently under
way. For some time | was unmolested
and was congratulatine myself on the
good sense displayed by my landiady when
suddenly the twang of either was heard,
almost Immediately followed by the fatal
kIrock. Wouldn't Mr.. Jones join the par
ty. was nervous and wretched and plead
! ed ill-health. for which | received deep
! sympathy from my wouldbe hostess. AT
| any rate. she said. l should not miss the
music. She would leave the door open.
| And she did. There l sat, a pitiable
wreck, in full view of the assembled
| guests. | made a feeble pretence of being
deeply interested in my book. but was
| painfully conscious of the curious eyes
which were watching me Time passed
and ! wanted to go to bed, but dare not
so finally in desperation / approached the
folding doors and. with ghastly attempt
| at gayety declared that the attraction
/ was too strong and that | could keep away
no longer On being asked to sing / had
an inspiration and started Good Night
Ladies' II was no use The people look
ed surprised and said ii was rather cary
/ for that song, and for two solid hours
suffered tortures. | did not stay i'll that
house long enough to see whether the in
timacy thus auspiciousy commenced
would have continued. l feared the worst
and fed.
In this way. like poor 10, | was KEEP
continually moving on for several years
Time and again my hopes were raised. on
ly to be dashed once more to earth Just a:
was getting comfortably settled recall
one instance in which | engaged a room
entirely on the strength Of the landlady
manner and appearance. She was dark
4 heavily built woman with a lowering eX.
preston and sullen, almost repellan
manner. rt
Eureka thinks | to myself 'Tha
woman will never encourage geniality'
The first night | spent in the house, a
| was sitting reading | heard the handl
of my door softly turned, and lookin,
around saw the door slowly opening. Oh
the impulse of the moment | called ou
Who is there? Upon which the door wa