Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-07-05

lIStll ullhtSp touDiNd Oh
the town, the news spreading with such
mysterious rapidity that every Weary
Watkins within its reach quickly turned
his face toward Pot Luck rs the Mecca he
long had sought. Pot Luck knew the Gap
never figured upon entertaining more
than 500 or 600 people at the most and
determined to muster at least that number
in it's invading host.
Less than week before the Fourth,
that the Gapers might not have time to
discover the trap set for them, Pot Luck
sent this reply to their invitation, an epis-
tie upon which 'Ceptin johnson and the
whole committee expended much time
and ingenuity:
| To the Chairman and Members of the Fourth
of July Committee of Dutch Bills Gap:
GENTLEMEN AND TELLER CITIZENs-In ac-
ceptin the invitation so cordially extended us
| to participate in the good time you intend
hayin on the Fourth, allow us, on behalf of the
citizens of Pot Luck, to thank the good people
| of the Gap fer courtesy which is doubly APP
precated ON account of our present boom
havn upset our own preparations fer cele-
bratin. We assure you that every Pot Tucker
who can afford to knock off work will be down
| to see you on our nations glorious birthday.
THE FOURTH OF JULY COMMITTEE OF PoT
| LUCK. nu
| ed-namely, it assured the Gapers that
the Pot fuckers were as good as them
selves at bluffing, and big Jake Tohmer' g
fat sides shook with laughter when as
their chairman he read it to the committee.
Some one suggested that perhaps Pot
Luck had accepted the invitation in good
faith
Jake roared again. Good faith MOTH
| imp said he. "They want us to think so
and go ahead and prepare for 'em, and
then not a Pot Tucker come near our cele-
bration. That's their game. We wasn't
born yesterday; not all of us. The idee
of a boom at Pot Luckl That's too
good"
And SO things went on, the Gapers
making preparations for their usual
crowd only, while Pot Luck strained it.
self to add men enough to its population
to ''eat the Gap out of house and home, u
as Ike Bledsoe put it. 3
Two days before the Fourth Jake Toh
mer's boys, Fritz and Jake junior, went
fishing far up the creek toward Pot Luck
and came home almost bursting with ex
element. 'oost
Dad" said the breathless Fritz, dash
ing into his fathers grocery, "the Pot
fuckers are goin to blu st our Fourth wide
open.
$50 long, you young rascal" said hil
father. "What you tryin to play on your
old dad now? They amt goin to cele
brate at all up there"
''That's just it, dad, and say, thu
woods is plumb full of men up that way
never saw such droves of 'em, an me al
Jakey heard em talkin, an they're every
one of 'em goin to march down on III
i IN g TIL, tn Ipi, I
up everything in sight, run all the Gaper
off the dancin floor an off the groun's al
Just par'lyze us gen rally. Them's tn,
very words they said, amt they, Jakey?"
A great light suddenly flashed upon thu
mind of Jake senior Not waiting to hea,
Fritzs news confirmed, he spread big
sheet of wrapping paper on his counter
hastily penciled call for a meeting tina
night not only of the Fourth of July com
mittee, but all good citizens of the Gap
and tackled it up outside his door.
| Jake's grocery store wouldn't begin Il
hold the Gapers who answered the call
and the public pulse ran SO high that i
seemed nothing but bloodshed could result
Some of the more impetuous Gapers wer
for arming every man and going to NEE
the Pot fuckers half way. This was give1
up as too hazardous. Pot fuckers wer
known to be fighters to a man and would
doubtless greatly outnumber the Gapers
Others suggested moving to grove {
dozen miles down the river early in tn,
day and thus escaping the ravaging hord'
from Pot Luck. But this smacked o
cowardice and could not be considered TO
a moment
The chagrined Gapers blamed thei
committee for getting them into such
VIII 10 of hI1To lin
and stupidity passed freely between tn
committee members themselves. BIZ
Jake Tohmer was almost the only maj
present who did not lose his temper, an
when the meeting seemed about to breal
up in a free fight he banged loudly upol
his grocery counter with sugar scoop an
as chairman of the meeting commando
order.
What 'Ceptin johnson was to Pot Lucl
Jake Tohmer was to the Gap, and tn
| noisy crowd was hushed to silence Whel
he rose to speak,
"Feller citizens" said big Jake, 81 owl
I'm as much to blame in this matter a
any one; perhaps more. l don't believ
any of you will call me coward, and yol
all know l ain t a man to set my judgmen
| up against the will of the majority. VIVA
goes with the crowd goes with me, but
you'll allow me to say so, it's just strucl
me all of heap that we amt been treatil
the Pot fuckers just right fer some year
back
"Now, about this celebration. w
| wasn't satisfied to beat 'em so bad tina
they didn't have the heart to try to cele
brate at all, KNOWN our attractions would
draw all the crowd from the country rount
about. Not satisfied with this, as l say
we must taunt them by sendin that shan
invitation. That of itself was challenge
and they're only takin it up as they have
a right to- Now, I'll tell you, friends, tt
my notion there's just one way fer us tt
get out of this scrape like men. That is
fer us to pervide the best there is in the
land and enough of it fer every Pot Luck
er that comes and treat 'em SO white that
every man of 'em'n go home friend in
stead of an enemy. Why, what's all this
Fourth of July business fer anyway? II
amt the lickin our great granddads give
the Britishers, but the peace and happi
ness and prosperity they had to fight fer
that s what we're celebratin. Now, gentle
men, don t pertend to dictate what course
we ought to take, but if there's any one
present with better plan out of the diff.
Guilty l should be pleased to hear from
him."
Dead silence prevailed for some mo.
ments after Jake ceased speaking Then
the leaven of brotherly love impaired by
his speech seemed all at once to leaven the
whole lump. His plan, put in the form OF
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