Evening star., 1899-07-01
TO ENJOY THE FOURTH

NOW tnAt tn0 glorious FOurrn Is pIe1c-
tically upon u.s." remarked the cadaverous,
dyspeptic-looking man standing on the car
platform, II would faan suggest a few little
ideas, for the benefit Of the uprising youth
of our beautiful capital city, whereby they
may extract all the fun that Is coming to
them, and more, out of their fireworks. In
the first place, 1t Is dee rigger and the real
thing for little boys to shoot of a whole
pack of firecrackers, not to say two of EN-,
right underneath their little sisters Any
little boy who hasn't got little sister
whom he can use for this purpose Is GER
tainly In hard luck. He can, OF course, de-
rive some amusement out Of 1t by putting
some other little infant girl into service,
but the weeps of some other little girl are
never so musical unto small boys ears
as those of his own little sister If the
small boy has firecrackers to spare, and a
grown-up sister, he might ignite a whole
package at once-a little larger size than
the usual kind preferable-and throw them
upon her dress without warming. In doing
this 1t Is always best to wait until evening,
so that she'll be moderately sure to have
her new combustible organdie dress on
Clad in thin dress, she Is all the more
likely to burn to death, which, of course
renders the fun all the more hilarious. OF
course, there are numbers of little boys
who cannot afford to thus dispose of their
ftrecrackers by the pack. For such as these
there are other methods Of enjoyment. For
example two firecrackers may be secured
In one end of a cloven stick, and surrepti-
uouSy ignited. Then the small boy may
sneak into the room where his mother is
sitting and let EN- go off under her nose
nave known this method. however, to re-
SUIT dlSaStrouSly, on account of the high
strung nervous temperaments of some
mothers; but 1 am here to say that a moth
er who declines to indulge her offspring in
such harmless little amusements as this, on
a fhn II - I'll.
unworthy the name 1t is WELL however
to warn little boys who thus discharge their
hrecreackers within only a few inches of
thelr mothers countenances that, in case
her clothing should become ignited 1t is
wise to hurriedly repair to the kitchen sink
ior enough water to prevent her from burn
ing to crisp. Results of this sort unuues-
tlohaply detract trif1e from the complete
BOY, through lack of proper precautions
burns member of his family to death. he
Is OFTEN compelled to abandon the discharg-
ing OF his residue Of firecrackers which is
nara on boy, l must say.
The elderly lady who Is visiting the
small boys mother is not exempt nor
should she be, from the sweet harmless
1oolery characteristic of the day of nde-
penuence although some little considera-
tion may be shown her if the small boy
elects. mild way of interesting and at
the same time entertaining her is to break
large frecracker in two, crawl up behind
iti ulfect the business end of the 'SiZ-
zer' toward the back of her silk waist. Her
sense OF gratitude to the small boys moth
er for entertaining her will, of course pre-
vent her from giving vent to any express
slons of dissatisfaction should the silk waist
become somewhat marred in this playful
little way.
SO penetrating and persuasive Is the
spirit of Independence day that even the
dogs enjoy reveling In it; so that a small
boy who owns big dog may always find
little mild fun on the Fourth of July by
nring a few packs of crackers beneath the
dog, after, of course, securely chaining the
brute to a fencepost in the back yard.
lhere are cases on record in which very
large apd ferocious dogs, with no sense of
humor, thus treated, have broken their
chains and made meals off their little boy
friends, but, Fortunately such cases are ex-
ceedingly rare.
Small boys are, indeed, fortunate who
have still smaller brothers upon whom to
exercise their Fourth of July humor. It
would be difficult to imagine anything more
fraught with Fourth of July fun for the
small boy than the dischargng of blank
cartridge al a distance of one and one
quarter inches from his little brothers nose
There is the piquancy of danger in this,
for, of course, portion of the blank car
fridge is quite liable to lodge in the little
brothers eye, and deprive him of the sight
thereof for life: but, indeed, all of life is
more or less Of lottery, and we should be
miserable indeed were we to take all of
these chances into consideration If the
small boys smaller brother loses his sight
nell no doubt feel that he has been rem
dered sightiess in a good cause.
Another delightful little bit Of Fourth of
July play for the small boy is to observe
carefully when his father begins shaving,
and then to ram his small cannon up to the
muzzle with powder and discharge it on
the Kitchen steps. Selfish, heartless fathers
have been known to actually lose their tenn
pers upon gashing themselves with their
razors upon occasions like these, but such
are unworthy Of having bright, merry
hearted small boys for sons.
Most small boys have for a natural en-
emy In the square In which they reside
some grabbed lady incapable of appreci-
atins the mirthfulness and simplicity of
the boy nature. AS the Fourth of July is a
day for settling up old scores, the small
boy may have an understanding with such
an ininical lady by directing the Roman
candles and sky rockets which he lets off
at evening straight at the windows of her
home. Thus the lace curtains in her front
windows may ignite. and the small boy
Will have the fun of seeing the engines
draw UP In front of her uninsured home
1T is sad sign Of the degeneracy of the
times that most small boys now fear to
put more than one pack of lighted fire.
crackers in their fathers pockets-so rap
idly Is the American disease of nervousness
creeping over the land"