The record-union., 1899-12-06
THE ELEVATOR BOY.
A Few Of His Adventures as Relat-
ed by Himself.

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A Few Of His Adventures as Relat-
ed by Himself.
When the paper pattern woman NOV
ed into room No. 80 felt it my duty to
call on her and offer her my best al
vice. No matter how young in years
an elevator boy may be, he mas got an
old head on him and can sivs pointers
to any. tenant in the building. / in-
tended to tell Miss White to beware Of
several old birds on the fourth and
fifth floors but had scarcely got cut
ten words when she interrupted me
with:
That will do, hubby. Whenever |
want to hear your prattle 1 will send
for YOU
Her words hurt my feelings, but ]
still felt that 1 ought to go on. !
started in to tell her that old Mr.. Bird
sail was flirting with twenty-one dill
ferent girls about the building, and that
little Mr.. Goodlow had already been in
curing about her, when she took me
by the ear and led me to the door and
said:
Run along, my child, and get your
soothing syrup and bread and butter.
II you'll come up some day when I'm
not busy I'll sing you bo-peep sons
and rock you to sleep.pS
The iron went home. From that mo-
ment I determined to devastate and
destroy and make that woman wish
she had never been born. All that at
farnnnr, T CO n Ial Il
ated that l let telegraph boy cuff my
ears and messenger kick me without
resistance. / don't claim thai tenants
should stand in awe and fear of ele-
vator boys, but l do say that a mu-
tual understanding is highly necessary
if harmony is expected The under
standing between me and Miss White
was not mutual She evidently re-
garded. me as a person of no Conse-
quence. Two days passed, and then,
as old Mr.. Birdsall went up with me
alone in the elevator, he said:
'Sammis I notice that we have a
new tenant in room SO'
Yes, SIR
A lady, by all appearances, and ow-
ing to reduced circumstances she has
been obliged to open an agency. Sam
mis-, it grieves me to see a lady in re-
duced circumstances
Yes. sir. it do
Unless she has some one to advise
her in business way she will make
failure of it. l have been thinking,
Sammis-I have been wondering if l
hadn't better call in and offer her the
benefit of my business experience
think you had, sir. 1 think she
is all mixed up and longing for ad
vice.
You do, Ell? Well, I think I'll drop
in on her tomorrow forenoon and help
her to get a start. Poor womanl This
cold and cruel world does not care
whether they succeed or fall"
Two hours later, while 1 was wait
ing on the fifth floor. Mr.. Goodlow
came out of his room to ask:
"Sammis, how does that woman in
room 80 get along-the paper pattern
woman?"
She's going to fail, sir?''
Going to fail? Why, what's the
matter?''
She wants some business advice,
but no one will give it to her."
WHAT No one around this build
ing willing to advise a woman who is
trying to get start in businessl I
can't believe it, Sammis. In fact, l
know better. I'll go right up there
now and offer my assistance. Why
didn't you say something about it be-
fore?"
l told him Miss White had gone out
for the forenoon, and that he'd better
call next forenoon, and he said he'd dc
1t and take her right under his bust
ness wing. Things. turned out next
day just as I expected At about 1C
o'clock 1 picked up old Mr.. Birdsall
on the fourth floor, and little Mr.
Goodlow on the fifth, and as they went
up to the eighth they snorted and
glared at each other. They had some
hot words about a desk three or four
months ago, and have hated each other
ever since. They got out of the ele-
vator together and walked along to
room so. Both started to go in at the
same time. but old Mr. Birdsall showed
little Mr.. Goodlow back and said:
You little whipper- of a man,
Uul Nudl business DIlnSS YOU UP
here?"
None of your business. you old bald
headed hypocritei" shouted Goodfellow.
What, You dare to Insult me- you
smooth faced, pink cared monkey! Get
off the earth or Ill make cat meat of
you."
You can't lick one side of me, you
old. bow legged masher: Isn't it enough
that you have run away from three
different wives and broken uo a dozen
honest"
You liar Of g. era shopper, but I'll
choke those words down your throat!s'
Then they pitched into each other,
and at the first clinch they fell against
the door and burst il opan and rolled
into room 50 Every tenant on that
floor was out in the hall, and Miss
mo, SIR
DO you think you can put in two
weeks without row."
Il do, sir
Then you may return to your dam