davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Al Afterthouxht.

Mrs. Goadley-It would be a good
thing for you if you thought twice be-
fore speaking once.
Mr.. Goadley-It's too late now. I
should have pursued that plan before
I proposed to you.-san Francisco Ex-
aminer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Invitation Declined.

1nv1t1t1On DeC11med.
Jason-Come home and take dinner
with me tonight, old chap-will you?
Thayer-Why-er-
Jason-Oh, but you must come. My
wife's had some fool friend there every
night for two weeks, and want to get
even.@Judge.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
COnCeif.

Mrs. Spatts-I wouldn't marry the
best man living if had it to do over
again.
Spatts-I wouldn't ask you again.
Brooklyn Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
INDIGESTION,

Napoleon Jackson-Is de ole woman
very sick, Bass?
Bass Jones-Yis; terrible gnawin'
pain in de stumjack!
Napoleon Jackson-Wha's de causa-
ton?
Bass Jones-she jist swallud her
false teeth!-Harlem Life,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Mere Matter of Choice.

IF I ever marry it shall be to wom-
an of fine intellect"
Huh! Wouldn't you rather have a
wife who thought you great man,
Indianapolis Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
The PITY OfIf.

Snodgrass-The world has place for
everybody. E.. -.
Micawber-Yes; the only trouble is,
there's generally somebody else in it.
Tit-Bits
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
AmbiguOua.

Mr.. Saphed win you tell me your
candid opinion of me, Miss Kene?
Miss Kene.-I have no opinion Of you,
Mr.. Saphed. Judy.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
ImD0ssfble tn Doubt

Elbow do I know this is 15-year-old
whisky?" ,.
Here is the written guarantee, sir,
of the man who invented the process
for aging t."-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30

Over eighty thousand
such letters as this were re-
ceived by Mrs. PInkham
during 1891. Surely this is
strong proof of her ability
to help suffering women.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Hone for Him,

Goslin-I lose my head so readily,
doncher know, Miss Amy.
Miss Anyhow fortunate! One Of
these times you'll get another.-Har-
lem Light.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
The Bare Facts.

A little babe, beyond doubt,
Is bald until his hair comes out;
And, later on, in manhood when
His hair comes out, he's bald again.
Il. A. w. Bulletin.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Past the CFiaiR.

The Doctor-Take the nice medicine
now, Johnny, like a good boy.
The Sick Boy-Take away your darned
old medicine! It's nasty!
The Doctor-Madam, you can go and
sleep now. Your boy is entirely out of
danger.-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Her side 81 the Questions.

Upon his wheel he SCOUTS the country.
His wife at home bicycling loathes:
For next day it's her dirty duty
To scour the country OF his clothes.
Judge
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30

Anyone Ought to Know.
Mistress Ito Norah)-What must be
the condition of a person in order to be
buried in consecrated ground?
Norah Tin great surprise) - Dead,
mum!-Judge.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
4 Cause for surprise.

Miss Passe lin confidence do you
know, my dear, I am 26 to-day?
Miss Caustic-What, still? n. T..
Worsssii.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
And Belonged to Her Fathe

Hewitt-Do you like pointed toed
shoes?
Jewett-Not when they are pointed
toward me.-N. Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Beauty and Utility.

We can't have roses all the year.
So nature has things planned;
But straWbecries-as fondly dear
May be preserved and canned.
-DetrOitsFree Press, - q
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Looking for a Square Meal.

. First Cannibal--How do you feel to-
day: So ~
Second Cannihal- Great; just like do
ing little missionary work.-N. u.
World. "
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Often the Case.

Farmer HonkY our nephew plays
the fiddle, don't he3
"a rmer Stackpole Nope; be works
atsit.-N. Y. journal. :. .sss
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
An ObHervatfOn.

The man who gets UP in the morning and
grumbles i"
If breakfast is not yet in sight,
Is the very same man who goes fishing
and patiently
Waits all the day for bite.
my World
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Twas Ever Thus.

Life is but a season Of discomfort,
For change we are constantly praying;
In winter we long for the July sun,
And in summer we want to go sleighing.
Chicago Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Woman's Loving Trust.

Now in this age Of trusts, alas!
Fair woman plays her part;
The summer girl let's no chance pass
To syndicate her heart.
Catholic Standard and Times.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30

Prairie chickens are game to the lase--
Golden Days.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
As We See Ourselves,

All the worlds stage, and all the people
are but actors,
AS Shakespeare says they are
And, furthermore, each person in his heart
of hearts is
Convinced that he's a star.
Answers
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30

Lawye-s'You say that you were IN the
saloon at the time of the assault referred
to in the complaint" Witnes+sI was,
sir" Lawyer-'Did you take cognizance OF
the barkeeper at the time2" Witness-"I
don't know what he called it, but took
what the rest id"-Boston Courier.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
MR.
DAGGETTS.
GLORIOUS
FOURTH.~

|ARLY on d bright
morning in June a
girl was driving a
w a gon 10 a d of
vegetab les into
the town market.
This rir1 Siftinr
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30

Whenever young wife proposes to bake
her own bread in order to save five cents 4
week, the man who has put on the market
an infallible cure for dyspepsia smiles ike
cat that has just eaten the canary.-Nau-
VOC Rustler
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30

He-"I believe this is my dance She
"Then I'll sit here and watch you-"-Town
Topics.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
Betrayed Himself.

Nell-Did you meet Miss Gotrox's faneee?
BELIEVES; he's no Italian count.
"How do you know"
He shakes your hand around in circle
az If you were an organ."-PMIadeiph
Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-30
THE SAME OLD STORY

Mrs. Fly-What do you mean by COM
ing home in this condition?
Mr.. Fly-Couldn't help it, M dear. I
shipped and fell into glass of beer
n. Y. Evening Journal. .
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04
A New Denver-st. Louis Flyer

Travellers destined for Kansas
City, St. Louis and points beyond
should be careful when they buy
there tickets to specify that it
must read via the Burlington
route" If they do this and go
east on the st, Louis Special, the
Burlington's new Denver ST.
Louis flyer, there will be no
question about comfort en- route.
The St Louis Special made its
first trip June 4. 1t leaves Den
yer at | 40 p. m, arriving at St
Joseph and Kansas City next
morning and St Louis next even
ing
"oNLY ONE NIGHT ON THE ROAD, y
1t makes Union depot connec-
tions with all morning trains out
of Kansas City and with all even
ing trains out of St. Louis.
Through sleeping and reclining
chair cars, Denver to st. Joseph
and st. Louis. Chair car to Kan
sas city Dining car and buffet
smoking-library car, Denver to
Oxford. The latter is something
which no other Denver-St Louis
train has. G.. w Vallery,
General Agent
1899 Seventeenth st. Denver.
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04

you dom I.
Make up your
mind that you
|are not going to
|be caught this
way veryoften.
w hen ever a
new subject is
brought toyour
attentiondig in
to it and learn
all you an
about it. The
Encyclopedia
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04
Physician ms Encouraged.

Patterson, n. j.. Nov. 4.-Viee
President Hobart passed fairly
good night. He slept considera-
ble portion of the night and re-
quired little medical attention.
This afternoon his family physi-
clans are greatly encouraged,
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04

Next Monday night the East
End division of the University Ex-
tention class will meet with Mrs.
f. A. Gillespie. For the balance
of NovembeE, meetings will be
held on Monday nights with Mrs.
a j. Hoskin.
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04
flany Ways of Reaching Chicago

But the best way is over the Union
Pacific which offers the choice of
through train service via Omaha
or Kansas City In points of speed
and equipment its trains are the
triumphs of the century. See
your local agent or address Geo.
Ady, general agent, Denver. Colo.
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04
CHURCHES TOMORROW

Baptist - Services tomo1 ow
morning and evening at the opera
house. Sabbath school, 10 n m.
preaching and communion at 1 a.
m, subject. The Story of the
Passover; Young Peoples meet
ing at $50 p. M; preaching at I 80
p. m.,-a gospel sermon All are
cordially invited.
Presbyterian Sunday school at
9:45 n. M; Junior Endesvor, 3 p.
m; Senior Endeavor, 7 p. m. The
Rev. j. +, Shook from Silver Cliff,
will preach both morning aud
evening. Pastor and people ex-
tend cordial invitation to all.
Come and welcome.
First Church of Christ Scientist
Morning service at 10:45 n. m. /;
Sunday school at IL :45 a. M; eve
ming service at 7:45 p. m; Wednes-
day evening meeting at 7:45 p. m
Dispensary open Saturday from 2
to D p. m. Subject for morning
lesson, "Mortals and Immortals." :"
st. Alban's-Regular services
tomorrow Communion, 1870 am. :,
Sunday School, 9:45 a. M; morn
ing prayer and sermon, II a. m /;
evening service, 1880. Church
and rectory, East Second street.
Topic for morning sermon "A
Right Example"
Methodist Sunday school 9:45,
preaching by the pastor at II a.
M; classmeeting at II M. Junior
League at 3 p. M Epworth League
at $50 p. m; preaching 1870 p, m.
Pastors morning subject, Christ
ian Theology evening, "The
Beginning of Wisdom" Cordial
welcome extended.
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04
You get the news fresh through
the columns of The TRIBUNE.
For SaIe--A Snap,

One four-room house, with barn,
in the west part of the city.
One four-room brick house with
two lots, close in, in the east part
of the city. See j. j. Fitzgerrell.
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04

areconstantly comingup every
day iniiterature, ,artandscience
which you wish you knew, but
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04

For fine job printing be sure to
cali at the TRIBUNE office.
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04

OK AGAIN.-The Burnngton's
ST. Louis Special leaves Denver
| 40 p. III, arrives ST. Joseph and
Kansas City next morning; ST
Louis next evening.
The Florence daily tribune., 1899-11-04
For Rent.

For Rent.
The fine Willard Hotel 2S rooms
All brick, See j, j. Fitz gerrell
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26
COUNTY CLERKS REPORT.
County Clerk Washburn Reports to the
Secretary Of the state-Divorces, Fines,
Judgments, Jury Fees. Etc.

From the report Of County CLERK
Washburn to the secretary Of state il
is learned that St the beginning of the
year there were 80 divorce cases pend
ing in Lorain county; divorce cases
filed during the year, II; granted when
brought by wife, AZ; granted when
brought by husband, IL; number re.
fused, s; custody of children was given
the mother in 20 cases and the father
in 4 cases; 30 cases were dismissed
leaving l6 pending.
During the year there were fines as
sessed, 1875; collected, $735. Number
Of judgments rendered l22, aggregat-
$l0l, ,080.42 or. $82S.52 each; 46 final
DEGREES were entered. The county
paid grand jury fees amounting to
$4l5.40 and petit jury fees amounting
to 81 426.15, only about half as much as
the petit jury cost the county the year
previous. The year began with Il
criminal cases pending; 81 indictments
were found by the grand jury during
the year; of the II cases 10 are still
pending and 81 were disposed of as
follows: Plead guilty, %; convicted,
3; acquitted. l, and nollied, o. OF
the 33 who plead guilty or were con.
victed, I we're sent to the penitentiary
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26
DEPENDENT CHILDREN.
superintendent #. H. Darby, Of the Chill
dren's Home Society. Spent Sunday in
Town.

The superintendent and matron Of
the Children's Home Society Of Ohio
as per announcement in last weeks
paper, Sundayed here. They brought
along five little fellows three, Of whom
were left on trial in families here. The
other two were taken to former appli-
cants. These children are left on two
or three months trial and il not suited
to the family are received back again,
at the society's expense.
Addresses were made at the Congre-
gational church and the NJ. E. Sunday
school in the morning and the union
service in the evening.
The speaker said in part that the
friends Of this society believe that
there is childless home for every
homeless child, and that by matching
the two together, the dependent child
problem can to great extent be
solved. Institutions, state and county,
it is conceded are necessary for the
defective; but no orphaned or aban-
doned child, sound in body and mind,
ought to be deprived Of chance in
life in the best place on earth for
child, good Christian home. A little
trouble and small expense will keep
such children from being aipdblic
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26
A Modern Greek solomon.

(From the Malumat, Of Constantinople.)
At Aleppo woman and her daugh-
ter both gave birth to a female child at
the same time But the babies got
mixed, and, as one OF them was ugly
and the other pretty and healthy, both
mothers claimed the latter. The elder
woman maintained that, as all her
other children were handsome, the
ugly child could not be hers, while her
daughter claimed that, being young,
handsome and strong, she could not be
the mother of weak and ugly babe.
The religious chief settled the mat
ter in a summary way. He adjudged
the beautiful child to the daughter on
the ground that, it being her first, the
occasion was not to be made one Of
humiliation and disappointment, while
the elder mother could afford to forego
her claim since she had already had
several handsome children.
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26

II were imprisoned in county jail, Is
were only fined. There were 1S liquor
indictments found, Of which 8 we're
nollied, one was tried and convicted
and plead guilty and were fined and
imprisoned.
There were 400 cases disposed of in
the circuit and common pleas court
Number taken from common pleas to
circuit court, 16, and from circuit
court to supreme court to supreme
court, 7.-Elyria Republican.
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26

Mr.. k. ]. Vincent, Of California, who
thinks Senator White of his state would
be the strongest man the democrats
could nominate for president, said
"But there is no use expecting any
such good luck. Bryan is already
picked out, and il he hasn't any more
show in the rest Of the union than in
California, he will make worse race
than in '96."
The fourth treaty for reciprocity
with British colonies was this week
signed by representatives Of the United
States and Great Britain. They pro-
vide for trade reciprocity with Barba-
does, Bermuda, British Guiana, and
Jamaica. The text Of none Of these
treaties will be made public until they
have been acted upon by congress, the
Dingley law under which they we're
negotiated, requiring that they shall
be approved by the house as well as
the senate before becoming effective.
The the time within which reciprocity
treaties under the Dingley law could
be negotiated expired this week, but
that will not prevent a resumption and
completion Of the negotiations for SIM
liar treaties with France and Germany
which were begun some time ago, but
never completed. The constitutional
authority Of the president enables him
to negotiate commercial treaties at
any time.
Hundreds of private letters from
soldiers in the Philippines give the lie
to the claim that the military censor
ship has resulted in Misrepresentation
oil the situation over there. Here is an
extract from letter just received from
an officer Of the regulars: 1.-THE in
surgent army is demoralized and very
much scattered. 1t has been fright
fully slaughtered and conservative es-
Inmates place their killed at from six
to eight thousand. It looks as though
the bottom might drop out of the re-
bellion at any moment, though these
little devils are persistent and seem
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26
GENERAL OTIS
MISREP RESENTED
PRESIDENT MCKINLEY HAS HAD
ARMY EXPERIENCE HIMSELF.
Secretary Alger has Resigned.-ssnatOr
Nelson Given IA Hearing.-CivIc Fedora
tion may stIgate.--McKinley for
Next President.-A Treaty for Reci-
procIty.

Washington, July 21, 1S99.-Presi-
dent Mckinley has had considerable
army experience himself, and it is not
surprising that he should not feel cal
led upon to take any official notice of
the complaint OF certain newspaper
correspondents, at Manila, that Gem
eral Otis has not conducted the war
against the Filipinos to suit them and
that his military censor has not allow
ed them to cable anything they chose
to write to their papers. The presi-
dent knows that the same sort of COM
plants were made against General
Grant, General Sherman, General
Sheridan, and in fact every officer who
conducted campaign during the civil
war. He knows that those officers
managed to get along notwithstanding
such complaints, and he has every con-
fidence in the ability Of General Otis to
do the same. Information from civic
and naval forces, over which General
Otis had no control, has coincided too
closely with what he has sent for any
unprecedented person to swallow the
story OF his having at any time mis-.
represented the situation.
Secretary Alger has placed his resig-
nation in the hands Of President Nc
Kinley, to take effect whenever the
president wishes; that ought to stop
lot Of fool-talk, but, of course, it won't.
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26

Senator Nelson was given a hearing
by Secretary Hitchcock, Assistant Sec
retary Ryan, and Indian Commissioner
Jones, concerning the order of June 22,
for the withdrawal Of all intruders and
white trespassers from the Cass Lake
Indian reservation. Senator Nelson
took the ground that the reservation
was public land and that settlers had
right to enter it, and asked that the
carrying into effect of the order be
postponed until there should be oppor-
Lunity for congressional action. Secre-
tary Hitchcock has not announced his
decision yet, but will do so in day or
two.
Secretary Hay has granted permis-
sion to the Civic Federation, OF Chica-
go, through its secretary, to request
all United States consuls in Europe to
respond to series Of questions as to
the existence and workings of trusts
and trade combinations in the coun-
tries where they are stationed.
That President Mckinley will be re-
elected is as certain as anything in the
future can be. Even if there had been
no war with Spain, this would still be
certain, on account Of the prosperous
condition Of the country. The matter
is thus briefed by resident Of Wash
ington: "All elections in this country
are carried by the laboring vote, the
men who follow the plow and the me-
chanics and artisans are the ones who
elect presidents. This class OF voters
is not yet ready to again embark upon
the sea Of approximate free trade,
which is the chief cornerstone of the
so-called democratic organization.
The laboring man is too near the time
when he walked the street, looking for
work, living in soup-houses that were
maintained by public charity, while
his wife and children were at home
without the necessary food to sustain
life, and without fuel to keep them
warm, to be yet ready to join the party
which closed the factories and threw
them oub of employment during the
last Cleveland administration. If
William Mckinley had nothing to rely
upon except the fact that he had given
employment to every laboring man
throughout the length and breadth Of
the land, he could rest assured Of re-
election"
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26
Stamp Your Check.

Commissioner Wilson Of the internal
revenue has issued circular, abso-
lutely prohibiting banks from affixing
stamps to checks unStamped when pre-
sented and requiring them to return
the same 10 the drawers. In his circu-
lar to collectors the commissioner
says:
"You are directed to notify the
banks that are guilty of stamping un-
stamped checks that if the practice is
not Immediately discontinued, they
will be reported to the United States
district attorney for prosecution"
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26
charge, and save them from the stigma

charge, and save them from the stigma
OF pauperism.
1t is the pride of good citizens that
they have always been able to care for
themselves and then some. The rising
generation should be imbued with this
spirit. The come-easy, go-easy, world
owes-me-a-living feeling so prevalent
in those brought up in institutions
ought to be avoided.
The large cities have for many years
promoted the absorption Of their de-
pendent child population in country
towns and districts, among farmers the
New York Children's Aid Society alone
having sent out over eighty thousand
children in forty years. The incorpor-
atorS of our Ohio society, four Of whom
were members Of the state board Of
charities, thus hope to dispose Of the
peaceable, dependent children Of the
state. This disposition of children is
natures method-one child at one time
in one place. If we would become
good artists we must initiate nature.
Take boy to raise now; one, bearing
in mind the words of the Master,
Whose receiveth one such little child
in my name receiveth me-"
The speaker showed at Sunday school
large number of interesting photo
graphs Of children already placed.
He goes next Sunday to Cuyahoga
Falls. Anyone wishing to engage in
this very laudable home missionary
work of giving home to some home-
less little one will do we'll to address,
The Children's Home Society, S5 West
First Avenue, Columbus, Ohio.
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26
A Lotion That Remove. rrsokls.

To remove freckles. mix one ounce
of lemon juice, quarter Of drachm
of powdered borax, half drachm OF
pulverized sugar, and let it stand in
glass for few days; then apply it and
let it dry on the skin. Or apply with a
linen cloth two teaspoonfuls of grated
horseradish mixed with teacupful Of
sour milk. II girl freckle easily she
should keep this lotion and use it fre-
quently. being careful not to allow il
to touch her eyes.-July Ladies' Home
Journal.
The Wellington enterprise. [volume] (Wellington, Ohio) 1899-1900, 1899-07-26
Civil Service Examinations.

We are pleased to learn that the
0berlin Business College is adding a
new feature to its work by way of fit
ting its graduates for civil service ex-
aminations. This instruction will be
given in connection with the regular
courses, and will be open to all stu
dents of the college without extra
charge for tuition. This addition to
their courses will be OF great value to
those of our young people who wish to
secure government positions. The
lowest salary paid to those who pass
the examination and receive an ap-
pointment is $50 per month.