The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1899-08-04

1
| the question is answered in advance
because the time is nxed. But in the
ordinary social visits there can be no
agreement, and the length Of the visit
must be determined by kind Of in
tuition. We are all inclined to believe
that We are interesting" and "enter-
tanning" but we fail to see that this
depends upon facts OF which we have
no knowledge. We are creatures OF
moods and fancies, created and chang
ed by health, duties, business and
temperaments. Welcome depends on
these and it may be cordial for a GER
tain length of time only. At the end
of that time, We may wish, for good
reasons, that our friends would leave
us or that we should leave our friends
ia cities where time is valuable. the
knowledge of the art of visiting has
considerable money value. Every bust
ness man contrives means for cutting
short the business visits OF men who
do not know the value of time. Every
woman with a large acquaintance con-
trives ways of avoiding the young man
or woman who stay too long" Tim
ing visits is the mastery of social in
tercourse. 1t requires almost an in
tuitive knowledge of the situation.
The clever people become bores II they
outstay their welcome. We are de-
ceitful towards each other. 1t Is the
common practice to request visitor
to remain This is founded on false
notion Of social etiquette. Unless there
are special reasons for it, the best bred
men and women never ask a visitor
to remain. They assume that he leaves
when he desires to do so, and to COM
bat that desire Is nl-breeding. There
is a lack of frankness in social inter-
course. created by the vanity that near
ly all possess. No one dares to say
to his calling guest, you have given
me great pleasure for an hour, but now
l would have you go, for have things
to do" The pleasures Of social life
come from a mutual contract in which
both parties are pleased, and the visit
ends before the pleasure flags. An es-
| sayist wrote: Our social intercourse
will be crude until We know when to
leave each other" These questions of
social intercourse do not arise often in
rural communities or where there is
sparse population. The isolated person
prefers a bore TO a state Of isolation.
When there is large acquaintance, the
necessity for self-preservation arises.
As men and women become more
broadly educated, their duties multi
ply, and time has a larger value. The
chickering's, and heart burnings of So
cial cliques are founded in idleness,
and ignorance of the best ways of liv-
ing.
In social life there is always debtor
and creditor account. 1t Is an ex-
change of different commodities.
Where there is nothing better it is an
exchange of dinner parties and enter
| tainments. But the rich and the
fashionable do not care for these visi-
bic commodities. They willingly eX-
change their dinners for agreeable talk.
and pleasant manners. Hammerton
| quotes the words of lady Of high
rank in London TO whom 1t was said:
Mrs. G goes to your dinners,
but gives none in return" she replied:
That is true, but | am always In debt
| to her. The value of her efforts to
please my guests is much greater to
me than the cost of the dinner / give
to her" The law Of social life, as 1t
is in commercial life. is an equivalent.
Money makes the poorest exchange.
Social life should not be bargain and
sale counter,
When the welcome Is outstayed, the
visitor goes deeply into debt, and the
debt cannot be repaid, The wise
visitor keeps abundance OF welcome to
his credit In the social bank,