The Wichita daily eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1890-1906, 1899-02-05
A Satanic Compact,


dent of the United States, king of the
| Cannibal Islands, ruler of a continent
| should have smiled with contemptuous
| Indifference, and said Not for Joe,
Some other day" or ''winked the other
| eye" Troubles enough come to incon-
| spicuous persons without seeking TO make
! oneself the target of malice ana envy
and other prevalent attributes OF hu-
mainly. Hence, when the devil said
ease" he touched the string to which
my indolent nature at once responded
You may suppose he bargained for my
soul, but in this you are mistaken. When
l suggested that premium he replied:
20, no. l am not buying souls. That is
an obsolete method of doing business.
We work on the tontine plan now-so
| many years of service on my part-so
many on yours. Not hard service, either.
/ Time used that you would otherwise
waste As for souls-wer, perhaps you
! may have one, Mr.. Cross, but | don't
! want it,
What service do you ask of me?"
at will be all clearly explained to you.
! l don't think you will find any contract
| fairer than this l propose"
Then he explained il at length while 1
| sat and looked at him. He was plain,
| there was no denying that, with creases
! down his cheek and wrinkles at his eyes.
| that seemed to defy the brush if he ever
used such an article on it. / thought 10
/ myself. Even the devil is handsome al
| 49," and he replied with genial smile,
But l am a good deal over IS and have
| worked hard"
Can you read my thoughts, them"
Certainly People think in words and
quite slowly-about thirty words a min
ute. When they talk faster than that
they only use stereotyped phrases, or re-
peat conventional ideas, or quote some
thing they have learned by heart. Emer-
son. you remember, said he rarely could
think faster than five words an hour, and
Bret Harte considered ten lines a good
days work"
l looked at my companion with admir-
ing surprise
What a lot a devil has to know" I
said.
Yes" he answered modestly I'VE
have to keep ourselves braced up. The
whole field against Us, and we get well
laughed at when we make a mistake. 1t
is almost as bad as being an editor. But
once we enter upon this career We have
no choice but to go on our path of shadow
for wherever there is light there must be
its opposite, and in politics and morals
somebody must play up to the hero or no
dramatic incident is possible
Il never thought of that" 1 said
thoughtfully. And what am l to do to
compensate you for the services you are
to perform in my favor?'
Simply write something funny"
rs that sinfui?"
Not in itself. but it develops a super
fetal way of looking at things in those
who seek humorous suggestions excIu-
sively. You notice that criminals cover
their misdeeds by amusing slang, and no
cruel act will wound the sensiDlities if
it is CLOSED by laughter moving con-
ditions. The heart suffers pain, but to
the intellect life is a comedy. Therefore
cultivate wit
Can it be cultivated if not natural to
MANI"
o. Lord, yesi Any incongurous ASSOC
olation will appear humorous, and wit is
only the art of being taken in seeing
joke
But if with my best efforts fail?''
Then you will have to keep 1t up till
YOU learn. It's like being thrown into
the sea. You must swim or drown. What
else are you good for?'
Who knows?"
Now in regard to another matter. You
want a wife
DO II"
Certainly Human beings are born in
other possesses. Did you suppose men
and women could live rational life I'M
related?"
Il didn't know
Let me tell you they can't. Now of
what age would you like your female
counterpart to be?"
Il am 80. What is your opnion?"
"A woman of 81 is of the right age in
some respects; but she knows more than
a man Of 81 and is not apt to feel much
Difference for his opinion. Say % AT that
age most women may be considered as
handsome as they ever will be. You like
beautv?"
Wei, yes don't you?"
We'll. | don't know. Beauty requires
great deal Of care TO keep itself I'D to the
standard, and if it does go. all goes-in
most cases. You can't see to read by the
candle that's burned out"
What have YOU to say against a girl
of 2O?''
Don't girls of that age usually have
high opinion of themselves and ask a
great deal of attention? Now you know
you are incident
Say no more. Let it be 16 or even 10
/ will educate her to my tastes. She
must have some accomplishments Pow
erty may be no crime but the poor mans
daughters are apt to suffer from it,
Good cried Satan You talk Just
like one of us. 1 feel that we shall be
close friends. I will choose a wife for
you as l would for myself Treat her as
your equal. and l am sure she will suit
YOU
of course you will provide me with a
mother-in-law. How can ] make Jokes if
l haven't one for target?'
My dear sir that remark shows YOU 10
be less sophisticated than | had supposed.
Don't You know jokes Of that order come
either from men who marry orphans or
from shifuess fellows whose mothers-in-
law more than half support them? Fire
away Unfortunately AT the race-yOun
hit the mark occasionally. 1t will be
pretty bad shot that won't make some
fool laugh
This conversation occurred fifteen wears
ago. / have prospered since and lived a
lie Of comparative ease. Satan came in
today bearing the Cancelled bond
You have served me well" ne said
1 have profted by your services and
have tried 70 fulfil my part OF the agree
ment Think how much more comforta-
Die has been your lot than that OF thous-
ands Of others. artisans. miners. farm
ers. ministers OF the gospel. men OF high
literary aims. The world loves cheap Wit
ana rewards the mountebank in every
sphere Of life"
That seems 20 he the fact I replied.
and the cheaper the wit the greater the
reward Ny Jokes were not good ones
No they have done so much 10 lower
The moral and intellectual tone OF the
community that YOU have earned a lie
long rest. You have made even death the
SUBJECT Of mirth and your mother-ir-
law squios have been quoted in the d.
vorce court About your own married
Afe-has il been a happy one3'
Happier than I expecfed o. r,a-+a- ~