Cottonwood report. [volume] (Cottonwood, Idaho) 1893-1901, 1899-01-06

Mondeau-Does he write for money!
Bonveau-- Yes. but his pa doesn't re-
pond.--Up-to-Date
Quipps-"You should see the girl I'm
| going to marry-she's bird" Phipps
-"I heard she was high-hyer."-
Town Topics.
Papa" said little Johnny. they're
not in 1T" "what are not in It, my
boyp "Why, the other twenty-four
letters Of the alphabet"
Author-I always test my poems by |
reading them to my wife. Friend-Ah,
yes-and you use those she likes? Au-
thor-No; those she doesn't.-Tit-Bits.
He-Do you know when you get a
bad coin? She-Why, certainly, ! do. |
He-How do you known She-Why.
the man offer 1t to refuses 10 take It.
Wife Ito her husband)-I say, my
dear. how badly the tailor has put this
j button on your waistcoat. This Is the
6fth time have had to sew 1t on
again.
"Those folks next door must have
bought that house." "What makes you
think so?" II heard her scolding the
maid for driving picture nall into the
plaster"
Trivvet-What makes you call Miss
Tenspot new woman? | haven't no.
tlced anything forward about her.
Dicer-She keeps her engagements to
the minute.
Papa-Well, did the photographer
succeed in making the baby look pleas
ant? Mamma-No; the baby succeeded
In making the photographers look I'M
pleasant.-Puck.
! Percy-Bradford uses a lot of per.
fume. Doesn't he know that it is bad
form? "Well, It's a sort of family pride.
You know he comes of old colognial
stock. The Widow.
"Now, Bennie, here's the medicine.
and here's the dime papa left to pay
you for taking it." "All right, mamma.
If you take 1t and don't tell, I'll give
you half."-Harper's Bazaar.
De Witte-Queer about Welsh rare
bit. The acting cook-What is queerI
De Witte-The girl who makes 1t al
ways says 1t isn't nearly so good as the
one she made the other night.-Puck.
It was Mr.. Justice Maule who said,
In answer to a witness who declared
that he had been welded to the truth
. from infancy: Eyes, sir; but the ques-
3 ton is-how long have you been wild
owerf"
MinnIe-What frauds these beggars
are. l met a "blind' man, who said,
"Please give me penny, beautiful
ladyT Mamie-Yes, he said that to
make you think he really was blind
Indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Upjohn-Our minister Is a high
~ learned man. l believe he knows
every word in the dictionary. Mrs.
Downright = The4,s nothing. Our
preacher uses lots Of words that amt
in the dictionary at all.-Chicago Trib-
une.
"It Is very nice In your wife to buy
cigars for YOU" remarked one man.
"Yes," replied the other, after some
consideration, 'it's delicate and con-
siderate way of keeping me from spoil
ing her lace curtains with tobacco
0 smoke"
4 Three different walters at an hotel
asked prim, precise little man at din
ner If he would have soup. A little an
noyed, he said to the last waiter who
: asked the question, us 1t compulsory"
mo, sir" said the waiter; II think It's
mock turtle"
;, young man." said the young wom-
= ans father, you have boosted several
Q times that you possess an honored
o name" Eyes, SIR" replied the foreign
: sutton, haughtily. well, may inquire
8 what bank 1t will be honored at and
a for how muchT
Mrs. Suddenrich-What awful nice
b spoons them arel Dealer-Yes, madam;
they are our very latest designs. Mrs.
Il S.-Are they to eat fruit with? Dealer
!, They are souvenir spoons, madam.
Mrs. S.-Gimme a dozen. Our new
French cook makes elegant souvenir.
Mistress-Why. Bridget, you surely
( don't consider those windows washed
u Bridget-Sure, washed 'em nicely on
the inside, mum, so We can look out;
. but Intentionally lift thin a little
dirty on the outside so thin aignoraut
i Jones children mkt door couldn't look
in.-Truth.
"a man has to keep his eyes open to
be a politician nowadays" remarked
one statesman. Possibly that is correct
as a general principle" replied the, 9TH
err, ''but II you had looked around at
y your colleagues while you were making
. that last speech of yours you would
3 have had your doubts"