davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Rathing and Nose Blowing.

A number of people come home from the seaside quite deaf, and very many, if not deaf, are much harder of hearing than when they left home. The cause of this is blowing the nose after bath ing.
 Of course one blows his nose because there is some salt water in it, which makes him uncomfortable. This water he forces into the little eustachian tube that runs from behind the nose to the ear. Here the water remains for days, and the particles of salt set up inflam- nation. The next step is that the eu- stachlan tube gets blocked and remains more or less so permanently, causing partial deafness.
 You should always wait some time after your bath before blowing your nose, and then you should do it gently.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Even in palaces life may be lived we'll" quotes Matthew Arnold. Mir. Chamberlain holds that people who live in comfortable houses with mod ern improvements are happier than the inhabitants of snow-hutS or dugouts." {" Not only are they likely to be happier
 but also of a higher human type and every way more noble. Most right minded people would Sympathize with the old gentleman who says, "I never see a fine house without wishing that everybody had one-then should have one! Of course. grovelling, slum- like habit of mind is possible amid costly and elegant surroundings. To the eye that sees all things as they are, there may be a sty behind the front of marble or of brownstone, and a clean bit of heaven iD the humblest hOvel. And it is often necessary to add that many people are consigned to novels by the greed and fraud which have made the mansion possible. But, other things being equal, the environ ment helps or hurts the whole man;
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
NEWSPAPER SCOOPS.
The Retria1 of Dreyfus and the Repeal
 Of the Corn LaMa

The Retrial of Dreyfus and the Repeal
 of the Corn Laws.
 One of the most potent factors in bringing about the present retrial of Capt. Dreyfus at Rennes was the star. ting publication of all the evidence given before the Court de Cessation by Le Figaro. According to newspaper oarlance this was a scoop of the first magnitude, and we'll worth that per functory fine which was levied upon the publishers of the Figaro for their sO-called indiscretion. How the news leaked out in this case has not as yet been divulged. Sooner or later the Sc cret is bound to become known within French newspaper circles, just as sim liar English and American achieve ments have become the common prop arty of the editorial profession.
 One of the most famous English scoops is that which is supposed to have furnished George Meredith with the plot for his Diana of the Cross ways" In 1S45, when all the agitation was going on over the corn laws, Sir Robert Peel, then prime minister, de- clared that he would stand fast by them. Yet at the beginning of Decem- Der of that year the Times created a sensation by declaring that the Govern ment was about to bring in a bill for their repeal. Everybody was astound- ed, and the feeling generally was that the Times had been had" Yet the ac- curacy of the report was very soon es- tabliShed, and then the question arose as how the Times had found out.
 Few people ever knew The night before the Times made it's announce ment cabinet council was held, and it was then actually decided to take the mOmentOus step. When the members of the Government separated one of them, MT. Sidney Herbert, went to dine with Mrs. Norton, lady we'll known in society. The combination of a good dinner, excellent wine, and feminine beauty resulted in MT. Herbert indIS- creetly letting the secret slip from his lips. His companion made no remark, but as soon as opportunity afforded she got in her carriage and drove to the Times office with the news. Five hun dred pounds was the price demanded, and it was paid.-COllier's Weekly.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

The trouble that little aquatic plant may make Is Illustrated by the water hyacinths. which are doing almost in calculable damage in the Gulf States by filling up the streams and paraIyzing the lumber industry, as the logs cannot be tioated out. of the rivers and bayous when they are choked up with these plants: Congress has made an apprO- priatiOn for getting rid of them. and Major Quinn has charge of the work The Major has decided in favor of q dredge which throws the hyacinth into a mill, much like a sugar mill where the hyacinth bulbs are crushed and ren dered incapable of propagation. The New Orleans papers, however. favor n chemical agency which has already been used with success. The Times Democrat says: There are probably hundreds of miles in this section GOV cred with this plant to a density of forty pounds to the square foot. No mill could do all this crushing, and it would cost thousands of dollars to do the work, and 1t is almost inconceiva- ble that the dredge will gather in all the hyacinthS. and therefore complete ly eradicate them; and if but a few seed are left it will start this water pest once more, and we will have to do over again what we are now doing" The chemicals, which were tried in a tailrace, dry up the sap and kill the plant, and this without any danger to fish, and the plan is simple and inex- pensive.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Queen Victoria's Usual Garh

The Queen, says the Lady's Realm, is simply attired in black dress, not al- ways of silk, and wears a widows cap with small lappets at the back, her sil- yer hair plainly brushed on either side of her temples. Upon her fingers are plain memorial rings. and she invaria- bly wears bracelet having the DOT trait of her latest grandchild or great grandchild placed in it as a medallion. The Queen always has a handkerchief bOrdered with lace in her hands as they lie folded in her lap, the survival of an ancient fashion.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
A COLONY OF YONSONS.
Many of That Name In Business In [
 Wisconsin Town.

Many of That Name In Business In e
 Wisconsin Town.
 "IJp in the central part of Wiscon- sin" said a Chicago travelling man who had got tired talking about the trusts, .there Is a town that is inhabited al- most exclusively by 'Yonsons.' The name of the man who keeps the hotel Is 'Yonson,' the drug store on the cor ner is owned by a man named 'Yon- son. the proprietor of the establish ment that uses our goods is a MT. 'Yonson, and I noticed when l was riding up town from the station that the grocer and the butcher were both 'YOnSOns.'
 "Whats the matter here? l said to the bus driver. Haven't you any peo- pie in this town who don't belong to the "Yonson" family?
 "'Vall, Ay tank dare been yon or two,' he replied.
 Whats your nameY asked.
 "'Yonson,' he replied.
 'I was about to make some further inquiries as to the 'Yonson' family, but at that moment we passed the pub lie laundry, and, looking at the square, red sign above the door. l read:
 "'Yip YonsOn, Laundry
 Inside the Chinaman who owned the concern was busy ironing and per mitting his pigtail to hang down his back. I am almost convinced now that SOme Of those 'YOnSOlS' are frauds. Chicago Times Herald.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Certainly" he ]
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Killed by a Practical Joke.

Weary William-Practical jokes ain't right. Sandy. Der's me old pard, Dusty Rhodes, dat died from de effects of one.
 Sandy the Supphcant-H How'd it hap pen?
 Well, you see, Dusty goes up to one of desc wayside cottages an asks de lady fer pie. De lady says, I ain't got pie in the house, me good man, but here's a cake.'"
 What species of a cake was 1t, Billy"
 'Twas@twas cake of soap, Sandy. y."-Smay Stories.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

and as rule. it is the expression of hist qualities, the outgrowth of his charac-t ter and life. At any rate, it is desir-' able that every human being should be we'll housed, we'll fed. we'll clad; also that every human being should help himself to these things. without snatching or crowding. Household is one of the sweetest words in any language. Therefore it is worth while for the young people to put the creation of a good home into the program or their life, to focalize their forces on this point; to get and to save for the realization of this beautiful dream.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

While timely warning given by an honest press diminished the number of O the wisp, yet there were thousands who braved every danger to get much less than would have been theirs with half the effort had they remained at home. It Is the distance which lends enchantment to the view It is safe to say that for every dollar which has so far been taken out of the Klondike country ten have been put In.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
The Way to Live.

Let US not burden our time with trifes and our souls with grievances We are every one of us good. bad and indifferent in our daily journey. walk ing with steady or unsteady step d. rectly toward an open grave. and why worry and fret over anything? What is the laurel wreath of fame but d shadow? What is wealth but a bub- ble? Let us do our duty-the right as God gives us to see the right. with malice toward none. with charity for all.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Voices made to order are the latest thing in surgery. Actual operations have demonstrated that the larynx, or vocal box, can be successfully removed, and the patient may not only survive the shock, but recover. In order to re- store speech to the patient an artificial larynx and vocal cords are provided. The voice artlficially produced is inca pablo of infection, but, although 1t is a montone, the patient is perfectly able to carry on a conversation.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
The Great Difference.

An average pedestrian covers abOu1 thirty inches in each step. The average wheelman at one revolution of his ped. als (the equivalent of a step) covers about seventeen feet, and as the move ment is so easy and devoid of fatigue he usually raises his foot twice as often in the same time, thus covering thirty. four feet while the pedestrian goes tive and @ half feet.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

The times are propitious for change in campaigning. The stump speech has for some years been steadily losing ground. It has lost much of its old time thrill. It Is so much the same thing. The people are outgrOwing it. The extravaganza of phrase, the sweep of gesture, the venerable anecdote which characterize 1t and carry it along are not potent as they once were.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Shreytd Advice.

The virtues of keen business man are often negative rather than posi- tive. It is said that a great broker once told his son that only two things were necessary to make great flnan- cier.
 "And what are those, papa" the son asked
 Honesty and sagacity."
 "But what do you consider the mark of honesty to beY
 Always to keep your word"
 And the mark of sagaclty?"
 Never to give your word"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

A woman who has been suing for d. vorce has been ordered to pay S4 a week alimOny to her husband pending the decision of the court. Here is case that needs the attention of the reform CTS. Things are coming to fine pass in this country when the court expects a man to live on S4 a week.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
On fn Hia Cnrxea

Reckless youth-Father, dear. would 1t be asking too much for you to ad- vance me small lOan-say about $50?
 The governor-NOt at all, my son. You might ask me for double the amountwith equal likelihood of getting 1t. You can't afford to be modest in these little requests bit more than I can afford to grant them.-Ohio State Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Mas His Own Doctor.

"For towering nerve" said chief of division in one of the departments, "a young sun down doctor, attached to my force here. is the limit He took three days leave last week, and when he re- turned to the office he brought with him doctors certificate. Itwas signed by himself: This is to certify that Umptara Jones (here he inserted his name) has been under mE-professional care for the past three days etc. He submitted it to me without batting an eye, and he looked real hurt and down at the mouth when l told him he couldn't make that kind of a game stick. Washington Post.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
An UnmentIOned Gift.

A gift that was not included in the published list of wedding presents re- ceived by a newly married Missouri couple was a receipt for ten years back subscription due from the groom to one of the neighboring county pa- pers, the generous contribution of the big hearted ublisher.-Kansas City Journal
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

There Is a woman on the Pacific coast who wants a divorce because her husband is a bookworm. Yet there are people who profess to believe that literature's golden age is about to dawn in this country.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Invisible White.

Didn't tell you not to shoot until you could see the whites of the enc. mics eyesw thundered the irate officer,
 ''Yis, sor," spoke up the Irish volun- teer, "but, faith, tn inemy bod black ened each ithers' oyes so in a fist foight over rathions thot we cudn't sac iny white at all"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

LOng-What's in name, anyway? ShOrt-GO ask a bank cashier to dis count your note and you'll probably find out.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Took It to er.eIf

AOOk II 10 cfSclf. Stubb-I made an awful blunder last night.
 Penn-What was 1t?
 Stubb-Why, Tommy called me about midnight and asked me what the noise was downstairs. 1 told him 1t was the old eat.
 Penn-Was it?
 Stubb-No; it was my wife looking for ice water. It took me until morn ing trying to convince her that I was alluding to the old cat with back fur and nine lives.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Rapid i'm Every Respect

Pearl-My brother is up in Canada shooting the rapids.
 Ruby-Indeed! Why that's just what my brother Is doing.
 Pearl-Is he in Canada, too?
 Ruby-NO; he's in the Philippines shooting the Fihpinos on the run.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Breaking It Gently.

''Then you mean to tell me I have told a he?'
 Well, no; don't wish to be quite so rude as that. but will say this: you'd make very good weather prophet. "- Tit-Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Men who suffer from misrepresenta- tion can't we'll complain. There may be as good fish in the sea as ever were caught and yet both probably have been lied abouA
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Food for the Mind. AIso.

Page bOy-I want two pounds of pork kind as to wrap them up in a news paper containing a good love story?- Tft-Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Never Too Late to Mend,

Naggs-Dear me, Jaggs, Pm sorry to See you in this condition. 1 understood you had quit drinking.
 Jaggs-Yesh (hic), sho I lave, ol' chap. lush (hic) lef' off drinkin' bout (hic) minute ago, shee?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
An Immune.

PrOprietor-Did Owens ever pay that little bill he owed us?
 BOOkkeeper-No, sir.
 PrOprietOr-Whats he doing now? BoOkkeeper-I understand he is the manager of concern for the collection of bad debts.
 Proprietor-Oh, we'll, If that's the case just charge the account to profit and loss.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Wanted to Be in HarmouxJ

Brisket-What can send you up to- fay, Mrs. Styles?
 Mrs. S.-Send me a leg of mutton, and be sure 1t is from a black sheep. BriSket-A black sheep?
 Mrs. S.-Yes; we are in mourning, you knoW.-Tit-Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Don't leave the table" said the landlady, as her new boarder rose from his scanty breakfast. 'I must, madam; it's hard wood, and my teeth are not what they used to be."-Tit-Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

In saying man is only a gorilla with a conscience, pr. Parkhurst ventures perilously close to those people who make monkeys of themselves.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Dewey may be a many-sided man, but judging from the pictures printed he hasn't as many sides as he has fapoS
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

An important question now is, will the advance in the price of wire add to the cost of political campaignsf
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Keeninp Mice at A Diatance-

One of the best mouse preventives is the foliage of the walnut tree. Even after the foliage has been dried 1t is said to be effectual in soaring away mice.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Always Ready.

Guest-You fellows are always near the sea. Do you ever take dip?
 Waiter-Very seldom, sir; but we never fail to take a tip.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

'Wll you love me when I'm old?" she asked.
 Certainly" he replied promptly, Eff you will love me when 1 am bald. - Philadelphia North America
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO.
 INGS HERE AND THERE.

Jokes and Joke1ets that Are Supposed
 to HaveBeen nRecentlyiBorn-Say and Dodngs that Are Old, Curious and
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
EOuiVoCal.

J. Brutus Coldstuff-And what sal ary do you draw now, Reginald?
 Reginald-Five hundred per J. B. C.-Per what-year or month? Reginald-Per-haps Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
A Dubious Com pIimeut. ,,,1,r, n Y,+ 0roce, (poodipO o1 o1O11dl Ruf

Young authoress (reading aloud)-But perhaps I weary you?
 Enthusiastic friend-Oh, no; long to hear the end of your stOry.-Ttt- Bits
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

"Can you tell me, my good man where they begin numbering this street?'
 Why, at No. l, of course! Heitere Welt.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Missionary - Eh!-house- cleaning? Burglar-Yessir. The woman had been house-cleanin', an the stair carpet was up, an the folks heard me.-T1t- Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
No Cause for Alarm.

Great heavens! Whats the cause of all that yelling around the corner? Come! Let's hurry; there may be murder %
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

MlsslOnary = Was It liquor that brought you to this?
 Imprisoned burgEar-NO, sir; it was house-cleanin' - spring house-cleandn',
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

All the worlds a stage, but only 6 few Of the actors receive curtain caIlA
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
A Slight Misunderstanding.

will you have some pate de foie gras, uncle" asked the hostess of her rural relative, who was dining with ho7p
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
To EOr0iYe.

TOmmy's mamma-TO err Is human. To forgive
 Tommy Qnterrupting)-I know what to forgive is.
 TOmmy's mamma-Well, what is 1t dear?
 Tommy-It's a sure thing that the other fellow can lick yOu.-ChicagO Times Herald.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Stay! Don't get excited. We're used to that. We hear 1t every day. There's a painless dentists office around there." Chicago Times Herald.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Hia I.iAfIa InLa

"JOhn,' said the politicians wife, waking him up about a. m., whats that nOiSe?'
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
SweeDinR.

Ida-Did younOtice how that naughty thing swept out the room with head elevated?
 May-Yes, indeed, and don't you know 1t reminded me of mamma down home. She always sweeps out the rooms with head elevated.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Tine Indignity of Labor.

Perkins, paid a very interesting visit to the asylum for the insane yes. terday and was surprised to learn that 1t is self-supporting. Although the In mates are crazy, they work, neYerthtA
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

will I have a plate for grass" echoed the old man in astonishment. Say, do you think Pm Nebuchadenez- gar or a hOrse?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Diplomacy.

"'CauSe he wanted to get on the oth- er side"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

The, philosopher-The empty barrel gives the loudest sound.
 The politician-There's where you are wrong. During a political cam paign a bar'l filled with poodle talks the lOudeSt.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

DOlittle - Humph! Anybody who works is crazy.-OhiO State Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
Ruined by House.C1eaninx.

Pa-It's 8 company of men that makes war against war.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

The corset trust is not in gOOu norm.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
\ Definition.

Little Willie-Say, pa, what's a peace congress?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09
A Straight Tin

fly. "Oh, guess it's some rats holding a ratification meeting in the attic."
The St. Johns herald., 1899-12-09

Tommy's mamma-T err Is h
Saint Mary's beacon., 1899-12-21

-.
Is sorry be d III. 81 Is S.
aasy uay; al II IS - &rxIstx.
il fancy she 5|d sI II re,li.
did she hear 4 @, ro..<
ringing il g. s.v. ,,.., s. ...
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The sick man Iauphed weaklv q
he said 4: Harriet has certa;niy
gone daft il ia matter OF silk
handkerchiefs--but what does her
note saw p
sThat she il sorry she cannot
write more at length or sepd some.
thing more accentable hut.t tbev ara
very busy preparing for a little trim
thew have planned for tomorrow.
and the bows are wild with ioy be-
cauae there ia every nrosnect nj
sleiahine.'
Sometimes / really don't know
| what to make of Harriet the old
man said fainttv. after a vh;le.
.she uaed alwava In seem kind.
heartad and thonghtful and she i,
now in a certain wav'
.Harr;et was a sno;led child I,
said Mrs Holt sand need M,
oourls;r ahont n rd;a =. m,oh
n sno;l har as anv ona She wa.
.1~evs faad AZ : ioka and somewha,
|Riven to carrying her fun to ex'
tremes, but certainly never knew
her to overdo anything as she ts,
this silk handkerchief business.
| ooh. we'll. never mind it, SAID
Mr.. Holt. turning his exquisit,
fringed card over and reading TT
my faithful and well-beloved broth
er Albert. in delicate pencilling OF
the back. She enjoys banterini
about those handkerchiefs wheneve
We meet. ! told her the other da,
that fed the last one to my bes
COW, and the one before I said
spread over the mortgage on tn
farra, and I thought il she kept OF
sending them as frequently as sh
had done should have the encum
brance quite covered up before
great Wniie.
'if she wasn't my own sister
| should feel ashamed of her T sal
Mrs. Holt, going away to the XII
! chen with unmistakable tears !
! her eyes.
! She did feel very much erieye
. and hurt at her wealthy widowe
/, sisters indifference. and after ii
! manv daily duties were all don,
. the we'll kent and com modious hon,
In order. the invalid comfortah
! for the night and husband an
] i children at last in bed. shs croucl
al over the store and vent IN ~,
w;th Il ao.in Il her mind ii,
Saint Mary's beacon., 1899-12-21

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