The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1899-07-03
THIS JOKE is FREE.
Might Have Brought Its Inventor q Dol
lar More.

Might Have Brought Its Inventor q Dol
lar More.
From the New Orleans Times Demo-
crat.
II have come to regard an idea as
purely a matter of merchandise" said
a local newspaper man, who augments
his salary by supplying pearls of
thought to the northern periodicals.
When 1 invent a joke, for instance,
l Immediately consider the garb in
which it will bring the best price, and
you would be surprised at the extent
of my literary costume shop. To Illus
trate the point, had a small inspira-
ton this morning that l have not yet
decided how to use The simplest form
would be a bit of dialogue to accom-
pany a picture in one of the comic
weeklies, in which case it would run
about like this:
"'OId Moneybags (severely)-I trust,
sir, that you haven't contracted any
new debts.
Young Moneybags with engaging
frankness)-Oh, no, sir; but ] have sue
ceeded in expanding a number of old
ones
Il would label this Expansion Policy
Up to Date and if accepted, I would
receive a check for the munificent sum
of 81.
But have a very good paper on my
man, that is fond of little anecdotes
of the brand once popular in Harpers
Drawer, and is especially partial to a
southern flavor. If l send my jokelet
there l shall dress it about as follows:
lone of the small tenants on the
plantation owned by Colonel l.. was a
good natured shiftless old negro who
answered to the name of Nose. AL
though Nose had an excellent piece of
land that was cultivated with fair sue
cess by his numerous progeny, he was
always hopelessly entanged in debt,
and the colonel took frequent occasion
to lecture him on his improvidence. One
day the old darky hobbled past the
manor house, sunk, apparently, in the
deepest detection. Hello, Nose" called
the colonel from the porch, what are
you looking so glum about?" Use
nightly stressed in mind, kunnel," re
piled the tenant, mournfully. We'll, l
suppose you've been contracting a lot
of new debts" said the planter. mo,
| sahv replied Nose, earnestly; mo
kunnel; there amt been no new debts
'tracted, but they's been er po'ful
'spansion of sommer tn ole ones"
Now that's an innocent little anec-
dote, not calculated to bring blush to
| the cheek of any reader and illustrating
what our northern friends regard as
! the native wit of the colored brother.
| Such jeu d'esprit sell at three for IS.
| Il might continue these lightning
changes indefinitely" the speaker went
| on, but / think I've covered my point.
| However, if ! was running a series CT
| dialect or character sketches ] wouldn
| use such joke separately at ALL but
| would store it away to work into the
general drift of the text. Merely as an
! Illustration, suppose l was the inventor
| of Mr.. Dooley, which l wish to the
| Lord 1 was, I'd start off about like
| this:
"'Theyse no denyin Hinnessy. that
| TIL imper-rayel policy has taken fur-rm
| hould on the immiggination of tn toll
| in Masses said Mr.. Dooley. They're
! like tn lad on tn farm, pinin' to go to
| tn city to acquire Experience an
gould bricks At prisent iverythings
| for Expansion. l was at Hogan's last
night, an young Tim, ye know he's a
wild divvle, struck tn ould man fer
! fifty. What fur" says Hogan, IAN ii
| is new debts we've been CONTRACTING
says he. mo. father" says Tim, its
ould vans" says he, I've been tx
pandin'," SAYS he. ''Tis no wonder
Hinnessy, that
But you see how 1t is. With a little
| care and ingenuity l can serve up my
| diminutiVe idea in almost as many diff
| ferent forms as Oscar at the Waldorf
| Astoria can serve eggs, which 1 believe
is 916. Sometimes 1 start to indite a
| two-line text for a picture and expand
| the theme into a 3,000-word storyette
| It's one of the tricks of the trade, me
| boy, without which l should be obliged
| to take my meals at a considerably
cheaper hashery"