davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07

1t is one of the curious facts
that many of the brightest writer's
spell atrociously. That in itself
goes long way in the practical
demonstration that illiteracy does
not connect itself with the art of
spelling. An excellent article
that recently pass' d through edi-
torship in this Office contained the
words VILLAGE" "Chineese,"
"prarie," ''paralell," failure"
"Portogese" and "loose" for "lose."
1t was an an admirable paper Of
choice literary quality, and yet,
had it been printed as it was
written, the proof-reader would
have been open to summary dis
charge for obvious and hopeless
incompetence.
That humle minister would have
been declared too illiterate to read
proof. Going backward one step
the copy-reader that let such man
uscript pass without alteration
would also be open to discharge.
Why? For illiteracy. And yet
the literary quality of the illiter-
ately written article was fine and
evident.
People are very sensitive about
their looks and their spelling.
Next in gravity to the charge Of
being unable to spell. That seems
to carry with it a sort of proof
that bad spelling is discreditable.
And yet the people whom the
charge most hurts are those Of
whom it is truest. To BE- able to
write without being able to spell
is like being able run without be-
able to walk. Those who do
it are a wonder to look on.-
Hartford Courant.
Judge Woolsou is Dead.
Des Moines, Ia, Dec. 4.-JoLn
f. Woolson, federal Judge of the
Southern district of Iowa, died at
I his home here this afternoon. he
I was 81 years old. In 1891 he was
I appoipted to the federal district
I bench by President Harrison and
hss served since.
\ We have not tried this recipe
J on the plate glass windows in the
rear of the office, but it is said to
J be good thing: For the pre-
J vention OF frost and vapor on win.
J idows in winter time coat the glass
J with a preparation of water, ely
J cerine, sugar and comarin, the re
J sulting compound being transpar.
\ ent and rendering the window
( clear at all times.-Dunlap Her
J aid.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07

/. Mr.. j. Sheer. Sedalis, Mo-, saved
his child's life by One Minute Cough
Cure. Doctors had given her up to
die with the Group. It's an infallible
cure for cough, colds, grippe pneu-
monis, bronchitis and throst and lung
troubles. Relieves at once. Elliot &
Harvey.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07

II was nearly dead with dyspepsia
tried doctors, visited mineral springs,
and grew worse. l used kodol Dy-
spepsia Cure. "Thst cured me" 1t
digests what you eat. Cures indiges.
tion, sour stomach, heartburn and all
forms of dyspepsls.-Elliott Il Harvey.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07

When you get up late, 60 to Bells
and get cakes and coffee for your
reakfast
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07
Testimonials.

UuHlap, Ia. Vct. !, I6Oo.
III whom it may concern:
This certifies that have known the
bearer Mr.. W. j. Chapek, for the last
eight years and that he is 9 gentle
man honorable in every respect and
worthy 81 the. confidence of anyone
slt,eding any thing in his line Of busi1
ness. II. N. Edwards, N
Logan, Ia, Oct. 1G
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07

Potato chips fresh every day at
BELLS.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07

Woodbine, Iowa, Oct. II, 1896.
To whom 1t may concern:
This is to certify that Prof. w. ].
Chapek has done an. our work for the
past two years and can frankly say the
same has been very satisfactory. He
has also done q large amount ofsyorK
among the best people No. y
end com%21ll ~ d
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07
~ 3 3

;s.s = ~ ;$s% s%s$ %s$$s Sss!ss!5 ;s; sssi
9 chant gives 80 lbs of
. sugar for the dollar,
9 that cost him 5 lis
9 cts. per lb, or $l.53a
. cts, that ; that same
9 merchant expects to
9 sell you more than
9 sugar and that of a
g inferior quality, as
e you know that you
= could not afford to do
g business on s u c h
= principles. and sell an
e article for less than
e cos T..
z w !:Ss : s5s $si%ss A. Ss'$S : : 8 :
~ 0uO1l III q u " w
= wild cat m argin $.
= Your neighbOr was in
Is our store yesterday
Is and asked why it was,
y we were steadily get
y ting new customers! !
u We answered that
- our customers appre-
- ciated new and fresh
= goods, and that quail
)o ity always finds it's
- way i'm advance of
- materials bearing no
- standard of purity.
6 NIMYe defy any per-
" son to test OuI
G ~ groceries. They
q are the finest and
to be had. We
Ave no low grade
1iehOnest goods,
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1899-12-07

To whom it may concern:
I have had Prof. Chspek of Omaha,
do work for my family and patrons for
him always capable. gentlemanly and
honest, so far as my experience with
him goes his word is good. found
long ago that in the matter of fitting
glasses and correcting errors of refrac-
tion that the cheapest as we'll as the
best way is to have competent per.
son attend to it. The pack peddlar is
an expensive and dangerous luxury,
Very respectfully.
j. KNOWLES, M. D.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09
Mexican Cigarette Rolling.

From the New Orleans Times Democrat.
This talk about starting a cigarette trust
in old Mexico strikes me as being rather
man. Il would soon think of starting an
ice trust at the north pole and trying to
corner the inside supply. 1t is true every
body smokes cigarettes In Mexico. but. with
very few exceptions. they make them them
selves. The aristocrats affect fancy brands.
mostly Turkish and Egyptian, but the
masses use coarse granulated tobacco, and
either brown paper or corn husk.
1T requires a great deal of skill to roll
cigarette a la MeXicana. and I've watched
the natives do 1t many time without be-
ing able to initiate the performance. The
average Mexican, from peon to upper mid
die class. carries a handful of graduated
tobacco wrapped up in piece of rag or the
corner of a handkerchief. When he wants
to smoke which Is about once every five
minutes he produces. let US say, bit of
husk. spreads a pinch Of tobacco on it
lengthwise, and twists it into cylinder by
giving 1t sort of sidelong slap against his
thigh. How he impartS the necessary roll
ing motion I was never able to understand,
and granulated tobacco is much more diff
cult to manipulate than the ordinary long
cut.
white paper for cigarette making is al
most totally unknown once you cross the
Rio Grande and American tobacco houses
doing a large business in the republic have
found 1t necessary to substitute brown for
their Mexican trade. The kind best liked is
used in this country by butchers and gro
GERS for wrapping up parcels 1t has a
slight flavor that soon becomes rather
pleasant than otherwise" r.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09
A Queer Catch.
From the New York Sun.


lellins yarns said a fishing-smacL
skipper in South street building a few,
days ago. reminds me of a o,,eer ca+ob
we maze once upon time. heavy fog
had just lifted as We were sailing To the
southwark along the Jersey beach when
We sighted a steamer ashore We ran
alongside and volunteered aid, which was
not needed. for there was no sea on.
boat had been sent ashore in charge of an
ofhcer who was to telegraph to the agents
IN New York for couple of tugs to haul
the big fellow off the shore AS we stood
on and on, We observed that part of the
steamers cargo had been jettisoned and
the cargo disposed Of in this way consisted
largely of flour. The barrels did not sink
Immediately, but fioated off, and the salt
water was slow to make it's way through
the barrel and into the flour. Once the
salt water got a good start in the -four
which turned to heavy paste, why, of
course, they went to the bottom like
Sinkers
As we had nothing better to do we las
seed the floating flour and pretty soon we
had a deck load Of a No. flour and didn't
know what to do with 1t. The doctor (our
cook, you know wore a grin a yard wide
and before long he had all hands working
on our capture.
I'VE took some Of the barrels knocked
the heads off and emptied their contents
into the sea. Then we opened all the other
barrels, and taking out all the flour that
had not been injured by the salt water we
placed it In the barrels made ready for that
purpose. When sailed up through the
Narrows we had twenty-eight barrels of as
nice flour as you could buy anywhere"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09

TO- was the short reply. "Husban', nuth-
in! Huh! Yo' look lax huh husban', doan'
20? Yo' oil huff t be huh dad; but yo'
ain oil huff wise huff or big huff t
break intuh dis house, All tells yo dat, an
yo' heah me uh talkin'. All ain uh gwine
t tell yo' all t g way uhgin."
This time the door was closed decidedly
and securely, and the key turned in the
lock. The baffied man, who was tired and
sleepy, heard the old mammys retreating
footsteps. He muttered deep, dark mutters
for minute as he stood there on the steps,
and then the humor of the thing struck
him 1t was too late for him to dig up any
of his neighbors for identification purposes,
and he felt pretty certain, anyhow, that the
old nanny wouldn't come to the door
again unless fire engines started to playing
the hose on the windows. So he had to
pick up his two grips, take a downtown
car and put UP for the night at a hotel.
The next morning his neXt-door neighbors
satisfactorily identified him to the old
nanny, and he was permitted to cross his
own threshold again.
Did he say to the old black nanny,
"Well done, thou good and faithful serv-
ant and give her a 50 bill for her zeal?
Not exactly. Her remark about his look
ing old enough to be his wife's father had
stuck" He fired her within twenty min
utes after he took command of his own
house, and now he's taking his meals down
town until his wife returns.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09
A Chair of Unclefsm Needed.

From the w,man's Home Companion
Unclehood is about the hardest hood man
has to wear, and as l have observed uncles
and their habits, they either spoil or repel
the small chaps and chapesses who happen
to be made their nephews and nieces by an
accident of birth. Uncles are either in
tensely genial or intensely irritable, and as
far as l am concerned, it is my belief that
our colleges should include in their cur
riculum a chair of ''uncleism." Unclehood
is a relationship that man has to accept.
It Is thrust upon him. He can't help him.
self. To be a father or a mother is mat
ter of volition. But even in a free coun-
try like our own, if a man has brother
or a sister he is liable to find himself an
uncle at any time whether he wishes to be
one or not Then when 1T happens he's got
to reason out a course of procedure with
out any basis in previous experience.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09

From the Philadelphia Record.
veracious resident of Germantown tells
this snake story: Three or four months
ago I spent my summer vacation on
farm in Lancaster county. Behind hedge,
near the woodpile. there lived little snake,
and as I had heard that milk and music
had a great attraction for snakes, I made
UP my mind to try this combination on this
fellow. So one afternoon 1 sat down on a
fagot of wood. with tin plate of milk on
the ground beside me. and began to play
on a mouth organ In a little While the
snake stuck his head out from the hedge.
listened and then wriggled slowly and
timidly toward me. Watching me out OF
the corner of his eye, he came on until ne
reached the milk. He drank 1t. curled up
and listened to the music. and after | stop
ped playing he crawled back to his hole
under the hedge again. Every clear after
noon that summer l entertained my niue
snake with milk and music and he never
once missed coming out to see me. Indeed.
some DAYS when / was late i found him
waiting for me, patiently doziug on his
back, with his tiny head pilowed on the
edge of the tin plate. The next summer ne
was there: he remembered me, and was
glad heartily glad, to have me back again.
But the third summer he was gone. The
tin plate all rusted. lay where it had al
WAYS lain, but the hole beneath the hedge
was choked with weeds, and no little snake
came out to drink my milk and listen CRATE
fully to the music of my mouth organ.
Doubtless he was dead
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09
lHH|HzES255 e ~
;5EEH4@ zv

, find employment in the homes of the upper
middle classes. The salaries paid vary
from SIS to $50 per month";
X X X *
This year people who are fond of eating
Holsters will have to pay dearly for the
privilege of indulging their appetites in
such sea food, for the reason that the crus-
taceans are scarcer now than ever before,
said wholesale dealer In fish in New
York to the writer day two ago Live
Holsters at present selling at 20 cents
per pound, and as only comparatively small
catches are daily reported by the fishermen
of Stonington, Block Island and other we'll
known clustering grounds as far east as
Portland. Maine, the indications are that a
further advance of from to 10 cents a
pound may soon be looked for.
Ten years ago almost any quantity of
fine Holsters could have been purchased in
New York at the rate of cents pound.
The average size of live Holsters that then
came to market was twenty inches long,
not counting claws. The largest average
now is not more than half that length.
There used to be plenty of fourteen-pound
Holsters, and 1 have seen them weighing
eighteen pounds. A lobster as large as that
would have to be thirty years old at least.
This shellfish grows very slowly, and at
three years old Is not much bigger than n
crawf1Sh. A lobster under five years old
isn't fit for market, but thousands of such
youngsters have to pass muster on our fish
stalls nowadays.
1.-The present dearth OF Holsters In New
England waters is largely due to the enor-
| nous number of understood ones that have
in the past been caught and sold for can
ming purposes in Maine. Millions of small
shellfish that should have been allowed to
develop and breed were thus annually ex-
terminated and the result has been that
the supply of eatable Holsters has dwln-
died from 10000, 900 in 1880 to probably less
than 10000 In 1890
THE regulations concerning the capture
of Holsters in New England waters are
now as stringent as any game law.
mo Holsters are being canned in Maine
for the reason that the short lobster law
| has killed the business In that state. The
Gamers do not find it profitable to buy lob
sters at the present high rate. and they
cannot purchase short ones, shelfish
weighing less than ten pounds.
For the past four years energetic efforts
have been made by the United States fish
commission to restore Holsters to their for
me- abundance, by planting millions of
lobster fry from Fishers Island Sound east
along the coast far as Maine. Mean
time the chief supply of live Holsters
comes from the British provinces. The
shellfsh are shipped here in steamers es.
pectally fitted with wells that have a ca
pacity for holding from Is, 600 to 10000 live
Holsters. These steamers touch at Boston
and New York. and from these two cities
the Holsters are shipped by wholesale deal
ers all over the United States.'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09
Thirsty London.



In 1894 the astounding total of 1872, ooO. 900
gallons day was reached by the combined
water companies of London. This was sup
piled to the five and a half million nhab-
itants at the rate Of say. thrty-two gal
Ions head for all purposes. These figures
represent an enormous volume Of water
though small when compared with the
mighty river that flowed into old Rome
We can only deal with the figures roughly;
the supply fluctuates to a considerable de-
gree at different times In the year; it is
therefore not possible to be automatically
accurate. Allowing for a slight increase
since the last return. and taking in other
sources, to which I shall refer little
later may pretty safely pu1 the present
London water supply at about 2Go,oU,o00
gallons day. Let us try for moment to
realize what these figures mean.
With 2p0OOoD0 gallons of water we
could fill lake mile long, a quarter of
mile wide and five feet deep. The water
in it would weigh nearly million tons
This lake would stretch from the Bank of
Church, yet it would be emptied in single
day to assuage the thirst of London. Or
suppose We could freeze all this water, We
could build up great block of ice thou
sand feet long, thousand feet wide and
| thirtytwo feet high. Ii we allow for the
expansion of freezing che block would Of
course be still bigger. Sixty-ffve of the
| largest ironclads in the British navy could
| float in the water We use every day in Lon
| don. When we come TO compare our sup
| ply with the mighty torrent of Niagara we
belttle 1t. The water goes laundering over
the falls at the rate of Two million tons Il
minute or four hundred and twenty million
gallons. Our whole daily supply would be
whired over long before the second hand
| of a watch would have travelled once round
| the dial. And could we divert the nagnifi-
| cent torrent for only three hours we could
supply London with water for whole year
at the present rate. Niagara Is a big thing
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09
HIS COLD RECEPTION

An official connected with the interstate
commerce commission went to New YORK
on government business about ten days
ago. During his absence his wife dis
charged her colored servant and engaged
| another one-an old-fashtoned black mann
my. The day before her husband returned
to Washington the mistress of the house
was summoned to Baltimore to attend at
the bedside of sick relative Her husband
got in after IL o'clock on Wednesday night.
He didn't know of his wife's sudden de-
parture from the city. She had written to
him about it, but the letter reached his
New York hotel after his departure. He
took a car and rode out to his house. which
is on Columbia Heights, not far from 14th
street. The house dark and gloomy
looking. He didn't have his latch key along
and so he touched the button. He touched
1t repeatedly for five minutes, mumbling
things the while, before he heard shutting
footsteps in the hall. Then he heard the
inner door open After moment the knob
of the outer door was turned cautiously,
the door was opened far enough for the
black nanny to stick about half of her
head out and the owner of the plant was
surprised to hear this inquiry:
'Whad yo all want dis ouah o de night?'
Il want to get into my house, he said.
wife?"
The door didn't open another quarter of
'G'way fun heah. wife man." was the
stunning reply. "G'way wheah yo' all
b'longs. Dis amt de place. Yo' got de
wrong house. Try mex do
And the door was closed all but about a
couple of inches.
Look here, what the dickens ails you,
woman" said the returned traveller, angrt-
ly. where's my wife, l ask you again?''
DE lady O. dis establishments dun gone t
Bal'mo t. ten t. sick kinsfolk." said the
suspicious voice within the door. de gem
man o de houses dun gone way, an he
won't be back heah till mex week. But
Ah'm heah, an All don't TEX no triflin fun
wife men whit go rarin' n tearin' 'roun'
in de middle o de night, uh tryin' t git
intuh spect'b folkses' houses. Yo' g'wan
uhway fun heah right quick, yo' man. or
Ah'n call de police"
The door was closed all but an inch this
time.
why, darn the luck broke out the ex-
cluded man, this is my house, and I'm
You're mistress husband"
'Ah've dun heearn dat kin O. talk be-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09
HYPNOTlZED THE BARBER

"Among other things which acquired IN
Paris. besides longing for home and
deep-seated intolerance for the French,
said one of the young men who accompanied
the peace commission to the Gallo capital
in a translating capacity, was belief In
hypnotism. l had never taken much stock
in hypnotism. 1 was willing to admit that
there might be weak-minded individuals
who could be thrown into the trance state
by men of superior personal magnetism,
but 1 was never convinced that q man OF
ordinary strength of mind could be hypno-
tzed 1 met in Paris young American
from Richmond, who had been pursuing
the study of medicine In the European capt.
tals-Berlin, Vienna and Paris-for several
years. The young mans all-around clever
ness had, about year before l met him,
attracted the attention of the renowned
DR.. Charcot, and Charcot had made a sort
of protege of him and taught him hypno-
tism At least, the young Richmond
man told me, and number of the other
American students told me. too, that he
was an exceptionally successful man at
hypnotism. One day 1 visited him at his
rooms.
This hypnotism that you mentioned the
other day, said l, is more or less char
latanism, isn't it?
Well, there are hypnotic charlatans,'
he admitted.
"'Can you yourself hypnotic anybody 1
asked him.
Il hardly claim as much as that he an
swered. But l can hypnotic mostly any,
body who hasn't set his will dead set
against being hypnotized.'
I'm bet you fifty francs that you can't
hypnotic my barber, even though he
doesn't set his will against being hypno-
tized-even though he doesn't know that
you'll attempt to hypnotic him. L said
I'll take you, even though I'm not on
terms of personal intimacy with your bar
Der, and don't know how strong minded an
individual he may be. I will undertake to
hypnotic him so thoroughly that he will
carefully cut the hair of wig shall wear,
and he shall fancy that he Is cutting my
own hair said my confident student.
80 we started for the barber shop, which
an obscure but very clean little place
in side street not far from my lodgings.
On the way we dropped into a theatrical
costumers. where my friend purchased, for
a couple OF francs, entirely barbarous
red wig, such as the supers forming 'Ro-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-09
"COmes From KeOkuk."


1--WE do not start all the expressions,
many of which become slang" said a re-
turned New Yorker from a western trip.
1--WE say of a man when he is down at
the heel that he looks like 80 cents. I have
heard the expression in Buffalo, Detroit
Cincinnati and Louisville. On my last trip
out I heard in several Mississippi river
towns the expression, He came from Keo-
kuk.' The town of Keokuk Is one of the
has-been river metropolises of the west
At one time 1t contained more pretty wo-
men than any town in the west. 1t was the
home of one of the supreme judges of the
United States. 1t was the home of one Of
President Grants cabinet. 1t is the home
the most magnetic conversationaists in the
country. But he is about all there Is left
to save the town. The people there seem to
have settled accounts with everybody and
are awaiting the final call. They live in an
atmosphere of "Reminiscences. 1t Is where
the salesman in the store jumps on the
counter and spins over 1t when a customer
comes in. 1t Is where the people from the
country drive in and open up their dinner
baskets on the dry goods boxes on the side
walk. while their horses feed along the
streets. There are few factories here and
there, but the people who are employed in
work or returning from 1t. The town has
just fallen into an afternoon stupor.
never heard any reason for 1t, except that
It's people have enough and don't care to
hustle. So when a man is seen in a west
ern town wandering aimlessly. with q don't
give-a-continental air about him, they say:
He has come from Keokuk.'