davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
TIie Old. Old Stcrr.

She-Have you sent any oftyour poems to the magazines?
 He-Yes, butmerely as a guarantytof good faith and not necessarily for pub licatiOn.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
The Mormon,sL Little Joke

The Mormon's Little Joke. Tourist Cat Salt Lake)-But think or the sin in having seven wives. Mormon-You forget, brother, that l am ruled by seven wives.
 Tourist-What has that got to do with it?
 Mormon-A good deal. Don't you know, brother, a person under seven is not responsible for what he does?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
 THE COMIC PAPERS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring tne World Over-SayinGst that Are Cheer full to old or Young-Funny Selec' tious that Everybody Will Enjoy.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
Very Hard,

Lady-Oh, conductor! the baby has swallowed the nickel I was about to hand you.
 Conductor-H'm that's pretty hard fare for a baby.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
Danger.

Quinn-Dick's father must be a rail road man.
 De Fonte-What makes you think so?
 QuInn.Because when Dick lost on the races and wrote home for money his father replied in four words. De Fonte-What were theyf
 Quinn-Keep off the track. F
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
His Impression.

Doctor-My rule is. "Be sure you're right, and then go ahead"
 Friend-Indeed? I thought it was, "When in doubt, perform an opera tt
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14

Mothers will find Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teething period.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14

ETC Permanently Cured. No fits or nervous TlIS ness after first days use of Dr. KlInes Great Nerve RestOrer. Send for FREE SE.Oo trial bottle and treatise. DR. R. H. KLINE, Ltd p8O Arch St. Philadelphia. Ia
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
If Goes Without Saying.

Clara-One can't believe a word+the men say any more.
 Maud-Why not?
 Clara-Well, there's Jack; he,promis-I ed faithfully never to tell any one if Il would permit him to kiss me just Once,I and In less than a minute he had re- peated it.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
ManO Ou.rhnard.

Stubb-They say Quinn's girl threw him overheard.
 Penn-Yes, but she dropped him line afterward and he was saved.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14

I know that my life was saved by Piso' s Cure for Consumption. John IA. Miller, Au Sable, Michigan April 2l, 1895.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
Fat Them Like Candy.

Dainty. fragrant tablets of confectiOn-Cas- csrefs Candy Cathartic, the medicine ot to-day Pills and liquids are out of date. All drug gikt, Toe, 25e, soc.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
Much Struck with It.

New arrival from city-Wow, ouch!
 Farmer Jones-You needn't mind that. It's only some of the city folks playing golf.-New York World.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
De whole truth, sah?"
Making It Plain.

"Jedge, des gimme six months!- Atlanta Constitution.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14

'T have nine invitations to dinner" ''What will you do about them"
 "I'm trying to trade some of them on for invitations to breakfast"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
Preferre1 the Punishment.

"T shall expect you to tell the whole truth" said the justice to the colOred nIllrfif
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
A Patron of Literature.

ookseller-What sort of one would you like?
 Customer-One with a good many; pockets. l
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
A Hard World.

Old Goodness! How danger ous it Is to go up in balloon.
 Balloonist-Not half as dangerous as' 1t is to come down, ma'am.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-14
Retribution.

The kid on the end seat-I'n bet she wishes now she'd let me hug herLNeW York Journal.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
Petit Jurors.

The following petit jurors were drawn
by Sheriff Gordon Saturday for the March
term of Windham County Court, which
will open at Newfane Wednesday, March 8,
at 2 o'clock P. NJ.
Athens, Holland j, Hastings; Brattle-
boro, S. B. Emerson, Frederick F. Glea-
son, Fred R. Thomas Brookline, John B.
Stebbns; Dover, George A. Gould; Dunn
merston, S. w. Estey Grafton, Albert G.
Rice; Guilford, David G.. Baker; Halifax,
o. B. Hescock Jamaica, Major L. Sage ;
Londonderry, Harry H. Bostwick; MARI
boro, j. j. Howe; Newfane, Harlan E.
Sparks; Putney, M. E. Robbins, John n.
Whitney; Rockingham, Joseph j. Fenton,
Charles E. Weeden, Clark Chase ;Stratton,
Charles H. Grout; Townshend, Willis H.
Taft, James O. Folett Vernon, M. l.
Reed; Wardsboro, A. j. Martin; West
minister, Walter Johuso on, Henry F. Perry /;
Nottingham, Cyrus G.. Boyd; Whining
ton, F, S. Bellows, Henry Adams Wind
ham, Avian Goodell.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22

In The Pail Mall Magazine w. Clark
Russell quotes the instructions given by
the Earl of Lindsay in 1885 to bis cap
tains;
1.-The keynote is struck with the de-
votional spirit of the age. The chief in
command is to take care that all the
officers and companies of the ships
worship God twice day Swearing,
drunkenness, robbery, sleeping on watch
and the like were to be punished ac-
cording to the order and custom of the
sea. Punishments were brutally severe
in those times. They marooned- that is,
they set man ashore alone on desc
late coast or island and left him to
starve, to be destroyed by savages or
wild beasts.
"They keel hauled-that is, they
dragged a man naked by yard arm
whips under the bottom of a ship, and
drew him up raw and bloody with the
harsh wounding of barnacles and spike
like adherences, only to be submerged
afresh ere the unhappy miscreant could
fetch full breath. They nailed a man
to the mainmast by driving a knife
through his hand. For murder (that
was often manslaughter) they tied the
living to the dead, back to back, and
threw them overheard
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
Rip Van Wrinkle.
Total surplus,

What the Rochester, N. Y, Times says
about the Jefferson Comedy who will be at
the opera house Tuesday evening, Feb
ruary %, presenting that charming comedy
entitled "Trip Van Winkle":
The Jefferson Comedy company pre-
sented Grip Van Wiukle" to comfortably
filled house at the Baker theater last even
ing. In the company are four sons of one
OF Americas foremost actors, Joseph jet
ferson, namely Thomas, William, Joseph,
Jr, aud c. B. Jefferson. The title role,
which was formerly played by the father,
was essayed by Thomas, and to say that he
did it justice is not enough The theater-
going public can rest assured that success
sor to Joseph Jefferson has been discov-
cred in the person of his son. Thomas
Jefferson is particularly good in the last
act where Rip Van Wrinkle returns to the
village of Katskill. His delivery of the
famous toast: Here's to your wife and
your family may they long live and pros
per-" is exceedingly fine. The toast
occurs several times during the action OF
the play. In the more sublime scenes Mr..
Jefferson seemed to be at home, for
although Rip Van Wrinkle is comedy
there are several pathetic scenes in it, the
most noteworthy of which is the parting Of
Rip from his wife. In this scene the acting
of Mr.. Jefferson was exceptionally good
and as the curtain went down there was no
scarcity OF fearful eyes.
OF the female members OF the company,
Edna Carey as Gretchen Van Wrinkle plays
the part with spirit and lite and much bet
ter than anyone who has heretofore enacted
it in this city. Blanche Bender made a
charming Meenie. A word of especial
mention is due Virgie Ghydon and Harold
Walsh, the juvenile members of the com
pany, for their very clever work.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
Boston Milk.

The Boston milk statement for the month
of January shows a continuation OF the
falling off Of receipts which we have mo-
ticed for the last six months, but the de-
crease is less than for the last five months.
The cans of milk received in the city were
AZ, 600 less than for January of last year
aud 10 900 less than for January, 1897.
The sales were 5000 cans less than for
January Of last year and 1000 less than for
January of 1897 The decrease of receipts
being much greater than the falling off of
sales, the surplus is less than for the two
previous Januarys. being $4,000 cans less
than last year, and Is, 900 less than in Janu-
airy. 1897. The chargebsck for January
of this year is 6.5 DAYS against 80 days
last year, falling off of IA days. The
butter value of milk, however, is less than
for January of last year, being only 14.06
cents as against IA 81 cents for January of
last year. The statistical statement is as
fellows:
Total cans bought 904 $50
Cans sold 600 003
Total surplu, ZOE, 572
New England Farmer.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
why He Liked Him.

The barber was perhaps a trife more
talkative than usual, and the customer
was scarcely in a good humor The
portly gentleman had come straight
from the dentists. In blissful ignorance
of this listle fact the knight of the ra-
zor opened fire. He discussed the
weather, foreign politics, the rival bar
Der opposite, and was just explaining
his views on the education question
when the customer suddenly growled:
where's that assistant of yours, the
one with the red hair ?"
"He's left me, sir. We parted last
week-on friendly terms you know,
and all that, but
PITY growled the portly' gentle
man. 81 liked that young fellow. There
was something about his conversation I
thoroughly enjoyed. He was one of the
most sensible takers 1 ever met, ando-
"You'u excuse me, sir, but there
must be some mistake" gasped the as
tonished barber, eff you remember,
poor Jim was deaf and dumb. -
tJust so. Just So, was the curt re-
joinder. THAT'S why l liked him."
And the barber went on shaving
Pearson s Weekly
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
KipIing and BratIlebOrO.

When it was being rumored that Beatty
Balestier, brother-in-law of Rudyard Kip
ling, was about to bring suit for $4,000
against the famous author the best people
OF Brattleboro resented the insinuation that
there was any sympathy with the move
ment and sent the following letter to Mr..
KipliDg.
BRATTLEBoRo, VI, Feb. 13, '99.
Mr.. Rudyard Kipling, New York.
Dear Sir: We, citizens of Brsttleboro,
remembering with pleasure your former
residence among US, and being DESTROYS of
expressing our personal qualification on
wish that you will find it agreeable to make
your residence here, as hitherto, and take
this method of expressing this hope.
If satisfactory to you, we would like very
much to give a dinner and reception in
your honor at the Brooks house, on any
date that may suit your convenience.
The letter was signed by George c..
AverilI, president of the Vermont national
bank; G. A. Harris, treasurer OF the Brat
tl-boro savings bank; w. II. Bracket,
cashier OF the Peoples national bank; ex-
Gov Frederick Holbrook, Gen. d. p.
Webster, Maj F. w. Childs, E. L. Wat
erman, United States District Attorney
James L. Martin, Col. X. Haskins, c. c..
Fits, Rev. w. H Collins, DIR. H. D. Hol-
ton, DR.. S. E. Lawton, L. f. Adams, G.
r Crosby, Gen. julius j. Estey, Maj. j.
Gray Estey, George E. Crowell, o, l..
French, Emerson & Son, W. F. Richard
son & Co, A. c. Davenport, G. w. Will
cox, Col. George w. Hooker, Principal III.
X. Whitaker, Rollin S. Childs, Clapp &
Jones, c. F. Thompson, G. III. Davenport,
A. w. Childs & Co. and others. No at
tempt was made to get large number of
signatures. Hundreds of signatures could
have been obtained by simply giving peo-
pie an opportunity to sign the letter. The
signers are representative professional and
business men, and many of them are per-
sonally acquainted with Mr.. Kipling.
Mr.. Klpling replied as follows:
Gentlemen: j have been more touched
and graf fled than / can well say by your
kind communication, and take this oppor-
tunity of thanking you individually and
collectively most heartily. The shortness
OF my visit to America will prevent me
from coming up to Brattleboro at present.
/ trust that later on this may be possible,
and | shall always bear in mind with deep
appreciation the neighborly sentiments you
have SO spontaneously extended toward
me. Believe me, very sincerely yours,
RUDYARD KJPLING.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
An EmDress, Pen.

I heard an interesting fact regarding
the former empress of the French the
other night which shows in what direc-
ton her thoughts run Whenever she
has occasion to write anything about
her lamented husband, she always uses
the diamond pen which signed the
treaty of Paris. All those who partici-
pated in this historical occasion wanted
the pen as a memento But so keen was
the empress on possessing it that she
begged that only one pen should be
used, which she thought she had a
right to retain as souvenir. This was
agreed to- The pen takes the form of a
quill plucked from golden eagles
wing and richly mounted with dia-
monds and gold. Woman Life.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
BUSINESS NOTICES.

WANTED-25 girls at once to work on
power machines, Call at Wrapper factory.
f. p. Thrasher, manager.
TPearl In Ammonia Washing Fluid
gives good satisfaction. Box 34S, Bellows
Falls.
ITO RENT-A new tenement for small
family. Inquire at SO Front street, Old
Terrace.
Before the discovery of One Minute Cough
Cure, ministers were greatly disturbed by
coughing congregations. No excuse for it
now. Pierce's Pharmacy.
"Give me liver regulator and 1 can regu-
late the world" said genius. The druggist
handed him bottle OF DeWitt's Little Early
Risers, the famous little pills. Pierce's
Pharmacy.
Il LOST Gold-bowed spectacles, case
marked w. j. Eaton & Co., Tuesday
evening, January "a, in the village. Finder
leave at the TINES office.
II To RENT-A large furnished front
room over Underhilrs store. Mrs. H. ID.
Aldrich.
II To RENT-A barn or stalls in barn.
Mrs. H. d. Aldrich.
II Anchovey Paste at F. B. F.
sThere will be a dance at Fish's hall
Fri lay night, February "a, also prize
will be given to the best jig dancer.
T Frontage de Brie Cheese. F. B. F.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
Rewarded For His Honesty.

An English farm laborer recently
went to small store kept by an old
woman and asked for "a pahnd O. ba-
con.
She produced the bacon and cut a
piece off, but could not find the pound
weight.
ooh, never mind t. pahnd weight, .
said he. ''Ma fist just weighs pahnd.
So put Their bacon i t. scales.''
The woman confidently placed the
bacon into one side of the scales while
the man put his fist into the other side
and of course, took good care to have
good weight
While the woman was wrapping the
bacon up the pound weight was found
and, on seeing it, the man said:
Nah, you see if my fist don't lust
weigh pahnd. .
The pound weight was accordingly
put into one scale and the mans fist
into the other, this time only Just TO
balance.
The old woman, on seeing this, said /:
"Wha, / niver seed aught so near
aforel Here's red herrin for thee hon
esty, ma lad l"-New York Tribune.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
Vanity In Somn1iland.

IF you wish to make Somali woman
absolutely happy, you give her a look
ing glass. She will never before have
seen one, but feminine instinct will
teach her how to use it. Mrs. Alan
Gardner, on one of her big game shoot
ing expeditions in Somaliland, gave a
native woman a looking glass for a
Christmas present. She was so delight
ed with the first clear sight of her dusky
countenance that she sat through two
entire days and nights outside Mrs.
Gardeners tent gazing with rapture at
her own reflection.
On the morning of the third day the
fame of the looking glass had spread
through the country, and row of 40
Somali women, collected from far and
near, was engaged in taking an admir-
ing turn at the magic mirror. When
Mrs. Gardner came on the scene, she
was greeted by 40 feminine Somah
voices joined in chorus and each beg
ging for a looking glass ''all to her
self. . Butt alas, for the limitations of
a sporting outfit, the dusky bellies were
obliged to content themselves with the
one communal mirror. And the woman
with the looking glass remained for
many weeks the most important person
in Somaliland. London Illustrated
News
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
Rat REPRESENTATIONS.

The old superstition, which has grown
into an adage, that rats desert a ship
which is no longer seaworthy, is still
an article of faith with the fresh water
sailors of the great lakes Sundry we'll
authenticated instances seem to justify
this belief. Here is one. The Vernon
was three master which did tramp
business. Built in Buffalo in 1850, she
was for many years regarded as one of
the best craft ON the lakes.
Late in the fall, about Is years ago,
she unloaded cargo of grain in Buff
falo, and reloaded with package freight
for Chicago. She was about to sail one
rough November night Just before the
lines were let off one of the seamen saw
rat run over the hawsers to the wharf.
In moment another was seen. The
seamen called others of the crew to see
the unusual sight Between so and rs
rats poured out of the ship and took
refuge along the wharf. The crew re-
fused to sail, but the captain was OBJ
stinate, shipped a fresh crew and sailed
forthwith. The ship was lost with all
hands. -Household Words.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22

the bride on Barker street at noon today,
Rev. ID. L, Sanford officiating. Mr.. and
Mrs. Richardson will live in the 5. S.
Villas house on Barker street.
The Odd Fellows will work the third de-
gree tomorrow evening banquet will fol-
low. Several Of the order expect to 60 to
Rutland tonight to attend the institution OF
new lodge there, and some 20 or 20
members will go to Alstead Friday night
to assist Anchor Lodge No. Sc celebrate
its first anniversary. A degree team from
here will work the third degree.
The supper at the apron sale of the
ladies' union OF the Congregational church
this "wednesday evening will be served
from 6 to s. A table will be readG at $50
for those who cannot come at 6. Sale will
begin at 5. "Devilled Cheese, prepared
jellies, all the leading cereals, home canned
fruit, luxuries and necessities, even to lard
will be found at the "Corner Grocery"
The following program will be carried out !;
Illustrated poem, "a Problems" vocal
solo, F. w. Guild; ga Mistake" +. w.
Knight; illustrated poem, 1.-The Courtin' )"
mandolin solo, W. j. Page.
The social last night at Mr.. and Mrs. j.
X. Thayer's in Walpole proved to be an
occasion over which all who attended are
very enthusiastic in praise. The Baptist
forces turned out with their characteristic
enthusiasm, about so being present. The
host and hostess by their cordially and
careful provision before hand, made each
one feel at home from the time the first
hearty handshake was given and kept the
interest sustained to the close. One of the
special features of the evening was can
Evening Excursion" which was great
success. Handpainted souvenirs were pre-
scented to all, and prize was taken by
Harvey Chase Music, including two solos
by Mrs. Thayer, and violin duets by Frank
and Mamie Cove, followed refreshments,
and brought the social to an enthusiastic
close. Altogether it was one of the most
enjoyable evenings spent for long time.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22

I once witnessed a phase Of prompt
evolution of practical and of devotional
religion in Scotch sheepdogs on com
munion Sabbath among the mountains.
The churchyard was crowded with
shepherds, accompanied by their dogs,
which lay quietly asleep at the feet of
their masters The sermon was finished,
the psalm had been sung, the final
prayer was being offered, and there was
no sign of impatience, but the moment
the benediction commenced the devo-
tional doggies all reused themselves,
and before the "Amen" they were in
marching order. Newman Hall, an
Autobiography.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22

The coronet of a duke consists of al
ternate crosses and leaves, the leaves
being a representation of the leaves of
the parsley plant. The princes of the
blood royal also wear similar crown.
The state headgear of a marquis con-
sists of a diadem surrounded by flowers
and pearls placed alternately. An earl,
however, has neither flowers nor leaves
surmounting his circlet. but only points
rising each with pearl on the top. A
yiscount has neither flowers nor points,
but only the plain circlet adorned with
pearls. which. regardless of number,
are placed on the crown itself A baron
has only six pearls on the golden border,
not raised, to distinguish him from an
earl, and the number of pearls render
his diadem distinct from that of a Wis
eount
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
Which Will You Have?

Alum or cream of tartar, in your baking powder?
If alum, that is cheap and the baking powders low
priced but alum unfit for use in food and the whole
weight of evidence is against it,
Ifcream of tartar that wholesome 1t has been used
for generations for eavenng but the of pow
ders are higher in price.
Of the of tartar powders, Ceveands is the best
Ceveands baking powder is made for those s0hO what
they eat and who pure food
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
le aevll Is now very scarce ana viii

me aevlI Is now very scarce ana viii
soon be extinct, but in the early con-
Wet days Of the island-when Tasma-
mia. then called Van Dieman's Land,
was the penal settlement for the worst
class of British convicts-they were
plentiful, and many CHASTITY stories
were afloat of their attacks upon escaped
conviets who had taken to the bush.
1t is believed that the name of devil
was bestowed on the animals by the
convicts, who had learned to look upon
them with almost superstitious fear,
partly in consequence of their appear:
ance, but still more owing to their un-
firing perseverance in following up an
enemy to the last with what looked like
undying hatred, No specimen has ever
been found on the continent of Austria
liza. -Lippincott's Magazine.
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22

the boys of Kurn Hattin Home at the town
hall last Monday evening was we'll attended
by an appreciative audience and deserves
more than passing notice, The program
consisted of prize speaking by nine of the
boys, namely, John Mayhew, Edgar Wilkin-
son, Edward Jones, Waldo Newman, Berton
Harmon, Charlie Green, Stanley Harm ct N,
Jack Chase and Irving Goodwin. The three
pr yes were awarded respectively to Irving
Goodwin. John Mayhem and Edward Jones,
while the others each received pretty re-
membrance from kind friend Aside from
these recitations was Dialogue by four hoys,
a laughable trio and bright recitation be one
OF the little ones, "Suspenders aud Boots"
which brought the house down. Interspersed
with these was chorus singing which brouq ht
out the beautiful voices of the boys, solo by
Jack Chase and several selt ctions by tho Har-
monic Club which were highly enjoyed We
feel the managers of the Homo and the bows
deserve great deal of credit for so rare a
treat. The present managers of the Home,
Mr.. and Mrs James L. Maynard and James
|. Maynard, Jr, are doing great work and
no one who sees the bright ard intel liz emit
faces of the boys can but realize this fact
Our thanks are due the Kurn hattiu boys
who with their teacher, James T. MAYNARD,
Jr recently thoroughly swept and busted
the audience room Of the church and by put
ting down strips of denim in the pews used
by them protect the carpet from wear
Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1899-02-22
Preparinr For the Feast.

Lieutenant Ito his orderly John,
go to the restaurant and bring me a
beefsteak with onions
Orderly-Lieutenan l take the lib
erty of reminding you that you are in
vited out to dinner today.
"Where have I been invited out to
dinner?"
"You have been invited to dine with
Mr. Holdfast. J"
$50 have to dine with the old miser ?
I must not go there unprepared. John,
go to the restaurant and bring me two
beefsteaks with onions. London Tit
Rits