davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
ARTIFICIAL EYES.
People Who Wear False Optics Are
Very Common Nowadays.
Gondon Lancet.

0ondon Lancet.)
According to German authority people
wearing false eyes must be pretty nearly
as common as the remainder of the VIC
Tins collectively whom fate has deprived
OF portion of their bodies. be it organ
than 100000 of glass eyes are manufac-
tured in the German empire. and it is, of
course. far from probable that the whole
of the worlds supply should be made in
germany On the contrary, it is stated in
La Medicine Moderne that a single French
firm turns out at least 100000 grass eyes
annually, and that there are several other
factories in France the output of which
is about the same. How, it will naturally
be asked, can this enormous stock be
utilized? Glass eyes, although essentially
brittle, are little liable to injury, do not
wear out quickly, and are quite lndepend-
ent of the yagaries of fashion. Once suited
the owner of glass eye may make it
serve him a considerable time.
A writer in the Journal d Hygiene is dis
posed to regard the oculiform millions as
fantastic creation, seeing that one-eyed
people are rare, comparatively speaking,
and that the majority OF them do not wear
should suffice to show the critic that his
doubts are not well founded. Like many
an objector, he assumes the premises
to-wit, that all the eyes are used to re
place human losses. whereas most likely
false eyes of every description are in
cluded in the list.
Evidently, taXidermists bird-stuffers,
the makers of wax figures, ETC., must use
an immense quantity, to say nothing of
the artists who are responsible for the in
Vulnerable army of dolls, large and small.
Viewed in the light thus thrown upon the
matter, the 1000. coo which seemed to be so
amazingly beyond the mark dwindle to a
mere bagatelle-a mere drop, so to speak,
in the ocean of false eyes. In this connec-
ton allusion to the singular fact that it is
only the one-eyed who seek to conceal
the deficiency by means of a substitute
may be permissible. The totally blind
never wear false eyes. or if an instance
now and then occurs it merely serves to
prove the rule. In consequence of his
aesthetic sense, a one-eyed man fees COM
PEELED to endure the discomfort which in
greater or lesses degree, attends upon any
foreign body which has obtained lodg-
ment in the human economy, but the man
who has lost both his eyes is free from
this weakness. his aesthetic sense expired
along with his vision.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
No Wonder They Waited.
fClnue1and Plain Dealer.l

Some time ago lady intimately con-
nected with local art work, accompan-
led by friend who is interested along
the same lines, was in Columbus. The
ladies were there on an art mission
and it was an engrossing one, so en-
crossing in fact that they were quite
Obvious of their surroundings. They
same away from one of the sessions
and walked down the street absorbed
in conversation. When they reached
the corner of the interesting street, a
nice broad highway, they paused e
wait for a car. They were both busily
talking and for a time quite forgot
about the vehicle. Then the art school
lady looked up.
"Why," she said, "they seem to run
their cars here in a very elastic sched-
ule. Not one has passed since we
reached this corner"
The other lady agreed that it was
strange and they both looked up and
down the street. No car was in sight.
Then they waited, and talked and
waited some more.
Presently the art school lady sug-
gested breakdown at the power house
and the other lady thought it quite
probable.
az will inquire Of some passer-by,'
said the art school lady,
Just then she caught sight of an ap-
preaching pedestrian. He was tall
man of dignified bearing, and very
handsomely attired.
Sir" said the lady in her most gra-
cious manner. will you very kindly
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
>-<1c9N-de-
TELEGRAPHIC BRIEFS.

Captain James Mcqueen Forsyth has
been appointed to command the cruiser
Baltimore, now in the Philippines.
There was a heavy fall of snow in KAN
sas. accompanied by a stiff north wind
Farmers are discouraged, as they have
been unable TO do any spring work yet.
Harry b. Morehold, prominent at Gin
moter. and formerly president of the
Commercial Gazette company, died yes
terday.
The condition of Rudyard Kipling, who
was reported TO have suffered a Slight
relapse a few days ago is again improv-
ing and he is better than at any time
since his illness began.
The Shanghai correspondent of the Lon
don Mail says: 1.-The dowager empress
time provinces of China to resist forcibly
any landing of armed foreigners
A dispatch from Toulon says that the
experiments made there with armor-
piercing shells have conclusively demon
strated the possibility of a, shell piercing
z warships armor and exploding inside
the shin.
According to a dispatch from Shanghai
il is reported there that a Mohammecan
rebellion has broken out in the province
of Kan-Su. the most northwestern prov
ince of China, between the provinces of
Shen See and Sc Chuen on one side and
Mongolia and the Desert of Cobb on the
other.
DR.. /. B. Tyson, a druggist of Kenton.
O., has prepared, with his sisters, 10
claim the enormous fortune left by the
who died recently in Melbourne Aus
tralia, bequer&iling the government S4,-
000 0o0 and leaving over $10G00000 to be
settled upon unknown heirs.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
How It Sounded.

In conversation witha musical friend
who learned his profession in Ger
many I heard the other evening, says
the Buffalo News, an aneedote of Rich
ard Wagner which, to my knowledge,
has never been in print.
BY way of preface it must be said
that at the outset of his career at least,
Wagner was extremely unpopular with
the instrumental performers. This was
due to the fact that he made them work
much harder than they had ever been
used to working before. During the su-
premacy of the Italian school of opera
the Observation-Disclosures had a COMPARE
lively easy time of it. After the over
ture had been played-and that was not
SO very diff1cult-the evenings work
was pretty we'll done, a few short
chords for a recitative or a tum-la-la
tum-la-la, accompaniment for florid
solo being about all that was required
of an orchestra in the old days The
consequence was that two or three re-
hearsals with an orchestra was general
ly considered sufficient for the produce
ton of a, new opera.
But with Wagner came a change.
The orchestra rose to coequal import
ance with the singers, and rehearsals-
hard and lots of them-were required
musicians were totally unaccustomed
to that style of music. Hence it was
that the great Wagner heard very
uncomplimentary criticism of hiS mu-
sic.
1t was during the rehearsal for "Tann-
hauser," which was about to be pro-
duced for the first time. AftefA- hard
afternoons work, singers and orchestra
players were about to leave. Wagner
paused for a moment in the wings of
the stage. On the other side of one
of the side sittings were violinist and
a horn player.
We'll" remarked the violinist, "I
guess we are pretty well acquainted
with this wonderful mans music"
Yes replied the horn player, with
a vengeance.
How does it sound to your" asked
the other.
'Hoeliisch,' replied the horn player.
1t needs no extensive knowledge of
German to understand the remark.
Wagner heard it all, and, possessing a.
good sense of humor himself, he made
a short speech at the next rehearsal,
thanking the musicians for the compli-
ment-much to their confusion.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

IN rapidly failing health. suffered dreadfniiy
from bloating, and urinary difficulty. I was
growing perceptibly weaker each day and suf-
tered much sharp pain at times. I had TO give
up my work and felt that something must be
done lsought your advice and received a prompt
reply followed your directions and took twelve
bottles OF DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription and
also followed your hygenic instructions. IbegRn
TO improve Immediately, my health became ex-
ceLent and could do all my work 1--WE live
good sized farm. walked and rode all could,
and enjoyed 1t. had a short. easy confinement
ana have healthy baby boy"
The one medicine that gives prompt
and sure relief is DR.. Pierce's Favorite
Prescription. 1t is tonic and purifier
that works on one special set of organs
and puts them in a perfectly vigorous,
healthy condition. It quickly soothes in
fammation and stops facilitating drains
on the system. Taken regularly during
the period of CESSATION it greatly lessons
the pain and danger of childbirth.
Although sweet to the taste it contains
no sugar which often disagrees with weak
stomachs; nor does it contain any alco-
hol, or opium in any form, and therefore
does not induce craving for stimu1ants.
Keeps perfectly in any climate.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
NOT COLD-BLOODED.
Don Cameron Not Like His Pen Pic
lures

II have heard it said, and used to
have the same IMPRESSION myself. that
Don Cameron was cold blooded and sell
fish," said a senator recently, who is
quoted in the Washington Times. 81
will tell you how came to change my
mind. I was a member of party that
went out to Pittsburg few years ago
to attend a banquet at some club, l
think it was the Americus. It was
about this time of the year, and the
weather was bitterly cold. When we
started back from Pittsburg it was in
the teeth Of a raging blizzard. Right on
top of the Allegheny mountains we ran
into an immense snoWdrift and stuck
hard and fast. In our party were Quay,
Chris Magee and perhaps dozen SEN
ators and representatives. We had a
private car, and, of course, we're at
tached to the end of the train. 1t was
so cold even in the car that none of US
removed our heavy, ,fur-lined overcoats.
We huddled up together Shivering, and
tried to make believe that we were en-
joying it.. Presently a brakeman en-
tered the car, carrying a lantern, but
wearing no overcoat. AS he passed
Cameron stopped him. Cold out, eh?'
he said. Yes, sir, said the brakeman.
rather: about 10 to Is below zero,
think All of us except Cameron drew
our coats around us little tighter and
shivered.
Where are you going now??' said
Cameron. Back to flag the second
section, which is running about ten
miles behind u.s. was the answer. But
you have no overcoat,' said Cameron.
oh, don't mind that; I'm used to it,
Without saying another word Cameron
sprang to his feet, pulled off his ulster
and had it on the brakeman in a jiffy,
before he could utter a word of protest.
Several other members of the party
rendered the use of their
overcoats but Cameron waved them all
aside. It was two hours before the
brakeman returned with Cameron's
coat. The incident placed Cameron in
a new light in my eyes. 1 never hear
him called cold-blooded that do not
think of it,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
From Chilton's Press Agent.

A Texas paper says that Senator Chill
ton was travelling last summer in west
ern Texas in company with a distin-
guished lawyer from Austin. The latter
went into the smoking car and engaged in
conversation with the conductor, telling
the latter. as piece of news, that he just
left Senator Chiffon in the parlor car.
'Oh, stuff said the conductor. what
are you trying to give me? Senator Chill
ton is not aboard this train
The lawyer reiterated his assertion. and
was, surprised TO find the conductor OBJ
stinate in his credulity. Finally a bottle
of wine was bet on the identity of the
man under discussion, and the lawyer
went with the conductor to where the
senator was sitting. Then the railroad
man gave in.
"TIl tell you" said the loser why L
made the bet. In going through the
train / did not take, up a single pass.
reasoned that if a senator had been
aboard he would have been provided with
transportation; but Senator Chiffon
handed me ticket like the rest, and, as
that was not in line with my past ex-
perience, / was sure that my legal friend
was getting the worst of the wager
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

wanted a tooth treated. He was a big
fellow with an immense soft hat, and
when he deposited himself in the oper-
atfng chair everything creaked.
Mind you don't hurt me-" he said in
a menacing tone, and then the dentist
got to work.
After boring into the tooth a moment
he paused.
Now" he said, don't stir. If you
do this tool may slip and your nerve
will get nasty jar
All went well for a few moments and
the big fellow threw his head back.
There was a yell, q scramble, fall
ing chair, and then a brawny fist flew
out, and dazed and bleeding dentist
picked himself from the floor on the
opposite side Of the room.
you blamed idiot" he mumbled.
with his hand on his jaw, Il told you
not to novel,
Tibet don't make mite o. differ
ence," roared the cow-puncher; no
man kin hurt me like tibet an liver
And Selling his big hat he plunged
heavily down the stairs, anathematiz-
ing the whole dentist fraternity at
every step.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
HUMP BROKE HIM.
Gambler Who Was Fooled and Lost
His Money.


''Yes, superstition broke me- said the
eX-gambler, as, perceiving that the next
man to him had a squint, he crossed his
fingers. 81 had heard of the luck that
a humpback is certain to furnish, so ]
advertised for one. l got him all right,
and now [ wish I hadn't. He had a
hump that was a wonder. 1t was two
feet high at least. l took him to Eut
rope, with the intention of cleaning out
the bank at Monte Carlo. Going over
on the steamer l made a little money,
and / could see a, glorious finish. From
London to Nice l nearly ruined my
bank roll by constantly rubbing it
against my mascot's magnificent hump
ITO make a long story short, I'll
just say that in spite of my hump
backed friend 1 dropped my roll at rou-
lette before ave had been in the Casino
two hours. 1 had just thousand franc
note left and my mascot, who was as
badly broken up as 1 was, begged me
to let him play that in himself. L con-
scented because 1 didn't see how the luck
could be any worse. The first crack
that he made was to put a limit bet on
the double zero, but when he won it
tainted; by the time the doctors had
brought me to he was playing on velvet
a foot thick and never turned a hair or
wiDked AN eye until the croupler an
nounced stolidly that the bank was
broken.
Il was the happiest man in the world
then, 1 guess. but not for long, as ]
came back in the Storage. No, didn't
lose it back. 1 didn't get a chance for
when 1 asked my humpback to divide
he said Nit l reminded him of how
well l had treated him and begged him
to at least tip me off to the secret of
his success. He unbuttoned his coat,
loosened a few straps and tossed me
over a most artistic artificial hump.
That's it. he said.
"Ah, yes. Superstition has ruined
many a good man.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Her Inconsistency.
cleveland Plain Dealer.)


No said the Boston dame, as she
glared wildly through her double re-
fracting spectacles, Il will never lend
my aid, nor encourage by my silence,
the wantOn slaughter of harmless birds
L am bitterly opposed to the killing of
these sprightly sparrows. Yes, indeed.
And have only the most studied con-
tempt for the selfish wretches-I men
ton no names-who lend themselves
to, or profit by, the cruel killing Of
birds in any form
a stifed laugh ran around the hall
The speaker paused and looked about
her. Then she turned to the woman
chairman.
What arouses the laughter" she
softly inquired.
7 guess it's your hat" replied the
chairman.
My hatr gasped the orator, and sat
down with a dull blush on her faded
cheek.
For her hat was adorned with three
plumes, five feathers and a large blue
wing!
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
His Last Ditch.
fCleveland Plain Dealer.

tO46N6ldIQ GldlH DedleTJ
Aguina!do-Well, what is the latest?
The Aide-Same old story, general
Everybody is running. That devil of a
Wheaton never lets up on US.
Aguinaldo-Well, we can't run a great
deal further How are the boys taking
the situation?
The Aide-T'hey haven't time to take
anything, general.
Aguinaldo-Didn't you promise them
all pensions as ] told you to do?
Aide-I called the promise after them,
but 1 don't know that they heard it.
Aguinaldo-I'll admit it wasn't a fa-
vorable time to breach the subject. Be-
sides, I'm afraid they haven't the re-
quisite amount Of confidence in me to
take much stock in it. The situation
certainly is not reassuring. Have you
the money and jewels packed in the
Valise?
Aide-Yes, general.
Aguinaldo-And you have secured the
swift steam yacht to bear US to Japan?
Aide-Steam is kept up and every
thing awaits your orders.
Aguinaldo-If there was any hope of
filing a second valise with tt 40 Rios
ransom money for the Spanish prison.
ers, l would wait little longer. But
Otis has blocked that game, and there
is nothing to do but skip. I'd like to
get out of it as gracefully as I can,
however.
The Aide-You know that there is a
mysterious white man who is very
anxious to take command of the Fill
pino army. Why not let him?
Aguinaldo-Good! Say, We'll, ha, ha,
ha. let him, no, no, no, assume the
white mans burden-he, he, he, WHO'D,
WHO'D, WHO'D,
The Aide-And now, general, for the
necessary DISCUSSES.
Aguinaldo-All L mean to do is to
have a close hair cut and give my
moustache an Emperor William flare.
III tell you what, my boy.
The Aide-Well, what general?
Aguinaldo-The shoVels are not yet
made that will dig Aguinaldo's last
ditch--wow, WOW, wowi
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
It Was Too Humiliating.
(Cleveland Plain Dealer.

What was you sayin' about Sandy
Rhodes?"
Il said dat Blinky Virgins tor me
Sandy was drowned up in de north
west"
Il thought Sandy was so cautious
about goin' near de water?"
WIZ dark, an Sandy didn't make no
effort to git out 1t was only four foot
deep, but Sandy preferred to drown"
why was that?"
We'll, it seems dat de lake Sandy
tumbled into was dem newly diskiver-
ed soap lakes, and when Sandy realized
what it was he had got himself into he
jest felt dat Inundated dat he let his
self drownI' 81
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Southern GalIautrv.
Ladies Home Journal.)

(LadleS Home JOurnal.)
During Mr.. Clevelands tour of the
south. shortly after his marriage Mrs.
Cleveland and he were driving one dav
through the streets of one of the larger
towns, escorted by two of it's citizens.
Some one threw a bunch of vioets to Mrs
Cleveland and Mr.. Cleveland bent forward
to catch it, remarking as he presented it.
Il wonder why no one gives me flowers %
One of the the, gentlemen present CALAMITY
replied: I'VE think you have won the
fairest flower of all the land
'Ah, yes" returned the president, "but
you see, l cant keep her in water"
1T is not necessary since you keep her
in such excellent spirits,'' was the re-
ply.
Here Mrs. Cleveland interposed. saying:
II am afraid you are guilty of fiattery,''
whereupon came the reply.
mo. madam; fattery is. fulsome com
pliment, and in this instance no compli-
ment could be either too frank or too
fulsone."
The charm of this response lies in the
last and fourth from the last words, Mrs.
Cleveland's maiden name being Frances
Folsom.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
tell us when the first car will be

tell us when the first car will be
along?"
The gentleman stopped. He gave the
ladies a keen and searching glance he
did not smile, but as he replied to the
question he made queer gurgling noise
in his throat.
1.-The first car" he said as he lifted
his shining tall hat, will be along
shortly after the tracks are laid.
Then ne passed on.
The Cleveland ladies whirled about
and looked across the broad fair high
way.
There were no tracks there.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
The Hotel of the Future.
OCIeveland Plain Dealer.l


Hotel Clerk-Yes. m1an, ours is the
only hotel in the city with all the sleeping
apartments on the ground floor. We have
the offices in the basement the dining
room on the second floor and the kitchen
and servants quarters still higher.
The Guest-Have you an elevator?
The Clerk-EIevator, ma'am? Certainly.
We have four of EN-; all on the first floor
and all running sideways
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Result of Emperor's Telegram.
Chicago Times-Herald.)

Perhaps Mr.. Kfpling does not know
that he has in the emperor the best adj
vertiser a literary man ever had. Ever
since the famous telegram to the sick
bed there has been a. daily increasing
demand for Mr.. Kipling's works, which
now have a prominent position in the
windows of the principal librarians,
and which until now have been little
read, and perhaps less understood. To-
day it is the duty of every loyal Ger
man to read them.
A literary man tells me that on
Christmas morning the emperor gath
cred his sons about him and read to
them stirring lines by Kipling on milf
tary life and herOiSm.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Too Much of a Jar.

A little group of professional men
were talking of dentists the other day
when the stout man of the party re-
lated a, humorous incident that occurred
some time ago. 1t happened in a dem
lists office in Kansas City and the
stout man was there at the time.
A typical cew-puncher came in and
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
OREGON Man Murdered.

Oregon, Mo-, March 26.-Near here
Samuel Crow, aged rs years, an &C.
centric character was murdered while
asleep by robbers, who beat his head
10 a pulp with an AK handle. Robbery
was the motive, Crow being considered
wealthy. The amount of booty, if any
secured, is not known. The robbers
eScan ned
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Jail Delivery at Canon Citv.

Denver. Colo. March pa special to
the News from Canon City says: Arthur
Creek. aged Il. charged with the murder
of bis father: L. S. Medler aged 25
charged with highway robbery; Dominick
Pereio and Edward Baker both awaiting
trial OH the charge OF burglary. broke
Jail today by removing some of the bars
OF the cage and digging through the wall.
it is supposed they had help from the
outside
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
An Accident.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.)

Cleveland Plain Dealer)
why, Johnnie, you've got a big lump
on your head! Have you been fighting
again?'
Fighting? Me? 1 guess not"
But somebody struck your"
Nobody struck me. 1t wuzn't fight
in at all. 1t was a accident
AN accident?'
Yep. l had just trun Tommie Scan
lon down, an was sittin' on him, and l
forgot to hold his feet"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

Cincinnati. o.. March 26.-Tonight
Richard A Roberts, a barroom porter,
ran a knife into the threat of CharIes
Priestsch a mechanical draughtsman
and turned the knife. around in the
wound. Death was instantaneous
Roberts was arrested. They had dis
agreed about throwing dice
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

David c. Bangs, the noted humorist and
lecturer. who was lost heard here at the
congregational church, says that the rain
in California is a godsend to the whole
state. BE has been there some months
and states that special services were held
at all the churches to offer prayer for
rain, and now that the prayers have been
answered. the people rejoice. Mr.. Bangs