Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1899-08-18
WOES OLE \

can turn o Il good poetry to order. \
poet might write Il brilliant sonnet to
:: rose and fall down so hard he would
widen the crack o. doom trying to
turn out Il custom made ode to a dish
of fried onions. He might like fried
onions. too. in their place. but not as
poem breeders. An onion is less like
ly to produce an ode than an odor.
Now. take it when the Prince Of
Wales fell down and bruised his knee.
The thing should have been duly oh
served in verse. from the pen Of the
poet laureate. But the hest a laur-
cate could do with this inspiration
would be something like this:
There's gloom in England now
BY Gee!
The Prince of Wales has split
His knee.
And oh. how happy well be
When
The Princes knee gets well again.
Now such'a sonnet as that. while It
would owe all the facts in the case
as thoroughly as Il whole volume Of
literary gems, would produce Il roar
in literary circles. There's no doubt
about it. And suppose. when Kipling
vas bitten by Il dog the other day.
the queen should have sent the royal
messenger down to Austin for Il few
literary bOquets on the subject. Aus
tin might have been busy with some
sublime topic. and dashed off this with
his left hand:
l feel too sad to write
BY Gum!
y dog bit Rudyard Kip
Ling's Thumb.
/ hope this friend
Ly little verse
Won't make the dog
Bite any worse.
Now. there's nothing the matter
with this. so far as the facts go. 1t
tells Ill there is to he told. its feet
track all right. and it expresses both
sorrow and sympathy. But no doubt
some literary critic would allude to it
as a greater calamity than the dog
bite. and Austin would get another
jolt on the literary jaw.
The royal family might want an
ode to Lord Nelson. on some anniver-
Sary of his death. and as Nelson is
dead. he could not prevent it.. This
tribute would seem to fit the facts in
the case:
Lord Nelson died some years ago.
And now with truth it may be said,
That on this anniversary
Lord Nelson still continues dead.
SO far as the truth goes nobody
could successfully dispute this touch
ing alluSiOn. OF course. Austin
couldn't do quite as we'll as this. but
he might improve. and get up a good
literary style in time.
Touching the Transvaal difficulty in
South Africa. how would this do:
Well. say. of all
The sublime gall
| guess Dom Paul
Has got it all!
And it would not
Surprise at all
If we should maui
This same Dom Paul.
That's patriotic and it thrills with
the fire and flame of English military
and naval superiority.
How would this do for the occasion
of William Waldorf .Astor's oath Of
allegiance to the queen.
OF all the green's
In the bouquet
This AStOr il
The biggest jay.
In botany
I've never read
That an Astor could be
\ cabbage head.
The next to the last line is a little
spawned, but it has to be in order to
bring out the English style Of humor.
Now or the next anniversary Of the
accession of the queen to the throne,
something like this:
Oh say. it must
Give Wales a pain
To see his ann
Reign and reign.
And every year
She starts again
10 reign and reign
And reign and reign.
There is a good deal of reign in that,
but as that is what Victoria has been
doing mainly for the last century,
why isn't it appropriate?
OVER IN MANDAN.
Now with wrath they may be riven,
Since they think we may. have striven
For their shops, and, striving, given
Them an everlasting scare.
But as sure as we are liyin'
Everything will be forgiven,
If we turn out good and plenty
To the Morton county fair.
INCONSISTENCY.
He leaned on Christian science
With II firm and fast reliance
And he said the mind could school itself no
pains or ills to know.
But his mind, it failed in teaching
| His own voice to stop its screeching
Every time some awkward person stepped
upon his equity toe.
lQ q