Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-06-01
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| "WOuld you say honest polucs ID,
or 'are?" "Ts,' of course. Honest
politics is always singular."-Indian-
apolis Journal. ~ ne
$50 old Yabsley is dead, Ell? Well.
well! Did he leave anything?" Eyes.
1t broke his heart to do 1t, but he left
everything. "-Tit-Bits
Vera Goodheart--Mrs. Won Tauk IL q
great social light, isn't she? Ida
Nownce-Well, rather! Regular Four
Hundred scandal-power.-Life.
Mrs. Captain Braggington-My hus-
band won renown on the tented field.
Sally Gay-why, didn't know he had
ever Travelled with a circus!--Puck.
In 1900: Teacher-Willie. tell the
class about the battle Of San Juan.
Willie Up-to- Date-Whose story do you
want Skaters or Davis ?-Brooklyn
Life. - =
Biggs-I once wrote for Sribbler's
Magazine. Boggs-Did you? Biggs-
Yes; but they refused to send 1t to me
unless / paid my subscription In ad-
vance.-Ex.
McFingle-Poor Broome! He's gone
over to the silent majority. McFangle
-Why-I-when did he-is he dead?
McFingle-Well, no; but he's married.
-Tit-Bits.
"Some day." said the -browed
young man, 81 expect to have the
world at my feet" What have you
been doing all this time" snarled the
cynic; walking on your hands?-
Washington Star.
| Mallaby-Bragleigh boasts that no
living man could forge his name sue
cessfully to check and get it cashed.
Has he such very peculiar signature?
HOmans-NO; but he hasn't any money
| in the bank.-Tit-Bits.
| Dobbs-There's a man who shaves
several times a day. Wiggin-You
don't mean it? Should think there'd
be nothing left of his face. Dobbs-
1t doesn't hurt his face at all. He is
| barber.-Harlem Life.
II should like to know when you are
| going to pay that bill. / can't come
here every day in the week" what
day would suit you best?' "Satur-
day." Every well, then, you can call
| every aturday."-Tit-Bits.
Schoolmaster-So, then, the reptile Is
! a creature which does not stand on
| feet, and moves along by crawling on
the ground Can any one of you boys
name me such a creature? johnny
Please, sir. my baby brother.-Tit-Bits.
Colonel, you swear positively that
your regiment never received pound
| of embalmed beef in Cuba. How Is 1t
possible for you to be so absolutely
| certainT Because my regiment never
got farther than Tampa, sir."-Detroit
| Free Press.
'"They's to be some kind Of musical
doin's at our church next Wednesday
night. I've forgot what they call it."
| .'Mebby it's recital" mo; recitals is
| for pianos. Our church has got an or
gan. guess it's an orgy they're goin'
| to have."-Exchange.
Papa-See the spider, my boy, spin
ming his web. Is it not wonderful?
Do you reflect, try as he may, no man
could spin that web? Johnny-What Of
it? See me spin this top! Do you re-
feet that, try as he may, no spider
could spin this top?-Household Words.
Would-be Swells at the Opera: First
Swell pretending to mistake for a
| waiter a rival whom he sees standing
| in dress-clothes at the cloak-room Of
the theater)-Ah! have you program?
Second Swell (up to snuff)-Thanks.
my man, l got one from the other fell
Ilow.-ExchaDge.
Johnny" said teacher to a South
Side groceryman's 6-year-old, "a lie can
be acted as well as told. Now, If your
father would put sand in his sugar and
sell it he would be acting lie and do
ing very wrong" That's what moth
err told him." said Johnny, impetuous-
ly: "and he said he didn't care
Columbus Journal.
Its hard to be happy, once you've
got a reputation for saying sarcastic
things" remarked the sad-eyed man.
'Whats the trouble?" 1--WE lost an
other friend. / complimented him on
being the most cool-headed person I
ever saw. He took it as an allusion
to the fact that he Is totally bald
Washington Star.
Inventor-Tve hit a money-making
thing at last. The preachers will go
wild over it, and it will sell like hot
cakes. It's church contribution box.
Friend-What good is that? Inventor
It's triumph. The coins fall through
slots of different sizes, and half-crowns,
shillings and sixpences land on velvet;
but the pennies and half-pennies drop
on to Chinese gong.-Tit-Bits.
The Lady-I'll give you good meal
IL you will cut up some of that wood.
The Tramp-Sorry, but can't accom-
modate you, madam. The Lady-Too
lazy to work, suppose? The Tramp
Not that, madam, not that. would
be false to my trust. You see, I'm a
member of the Society for the Preser-
walton of the American Forests, and
we never cut any wood.-Yonkers
Statesman.
An Irishman, in order to celebrate
the advent of a new era, went out on n
little lark He did not get home until
3 o'clock In the morning, and was bare
ly In the house before a nurse rushed
up and. uncoverlng bunch of soft
Ooods showed him trinIets Tho Irich