The Topeka state journal., 1899-07-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


ST don't care what you say about his
business methods, he has done a lot for
the poorer classes.
you bet he has. If it weren't for him
the poorer class would be whole lot
smaller er''-Indianapolis Journal
The Rev. Dr. sixthly was reading the
morning lesson, from the second chapter
of Isaiah:
into ploWshares and their spears into
pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up
sword against nation. neither shall they
learn war any more"
Then the good doctor closed the vol
ume and sighed.
Brethren he said, "this was writ
ten $500 years ago. 1t may be true, and
we hope it is, that the mills Of God
grind surely. But they grind aWfuIly
slowl"-Chicago Tribune.
Isabel, your new hat is absurd; it
looks just like a hugh flower bed"
''WelI you needn't get so excited, Ed
gar; you don't have to get up before
daylight and pull weeds out of t."-Chl-
cago Record.
''T wouldn't have missed it for any
thing exclaimed young Mrs. Torkins,
who had attended game which the
home team lost
DO you know which side Won?" ask
ed her husband patiently.
''Why-er-nO, Charley, dear, not ex-
actly. But what I liked was the way IN
which the crowd kept quiet. There was
none of that shouting to disturb the
players. It was one of the best behaved
audiences I ever saw."-WashingtOn
Star.
''How did the jury stand at frst?"
asked a curious outsider.
"B'Jarge," replied one of the ex-
jurors, ''th' 'leVen of US SthOOd on that
contrary brute of a wan till he gave
in!"-Chicago Tribune.
what do you mean by saying he is
stuck on himself?' asked the irritating
ly precise boarder.
Il mean" said the Cheerful Idiot,
that he is one of his own firmest ad-
herents. s.'-Indianapolis Journal
yes" said the forid lady. ct made
my will several years ago, and it was
one of the wisest things I ever did,
''Why?" the meek-Iooking woman
asked. DO you expect to drop off sud
denly?'
mo, but it's such a satisfaction to go
and change it whenever get mad at
any of my heirs. Times
Herald.
heem, Louee, hear-r-r mel will smash
mo, Henri, do not do eet. Zey will
send you to re prisone for four-r-r
yearsr'
''Ah. zen, will smash a hat zat ees
like heesr'-CIeveland Plain Dealer.
Prison visitor-wasn't it rather a
cold bIooded thing to do-shoOting the
man down while he was praying?
Mountaineer-I had to do it, podner.
If I'd let i'm pray a little Whlle longer,
he mOught o. won the Lord over to his
side. An then whar would 1 of benz
Indianapolis Journal
do you think" said he, that one
can live in New York and remain alb
solutely ignorant of the ways of this
wicked world2"
mo" answered Miss Cayenne, mot
unless he happens to be chief of police
or something like that WashingtOn
Star.
The rude boys who were in attend
ance at the anti-expansiOn meeting had
been making frequent and emphatic re-
marks addressed to the women sitting
professor who was presiding rose up
somewhat mystiffed, but anxious to
please.
IF Mr Hatzoff is in the audience -
he said, will he please come fOrward?''
Chicago Tribune.
It was apparent that the barber was
highly pleased
what has happened?'' he was asked.
''I had the pneumonia last winter
he answered.
Yes ~
'WeH the doctor who doctored me got
out of my chair just before you came in
If his wife recognizes him when he gets
home it'll be by his voice. .'-Chicago
Herald.
"I want to be sure" said the aged
philanthropist, that my money will af-
ter my death remain in this country,
where made it, and the home of my
adoption"
Have you thought of any way this
can be fully assured?" inquired his
lawyer.
Il have replied the philanthropist.
confidently. 'I am going to leave it to
a foreign missionary society. Life.
TODAY.
She is a bankers daughter,
And he a nOblemans 5 son;
They are flirting at the seaShOres
Each thinking the other won.
TOMORROW.
Their vacation is ended
And they both return to work:
She to rattle her typewriter keys
And he to his job as clerk
Chicago News.