The San Francisco call., 1899-08-20
EDITORIAL VARIATIONS.
BY JOHN McNaUGHT.

llHS ulSHeu CndrIeS DOyle, alldS Aug US
tus Howard, alias "Plunger" Hill has
demonstrated that the difference be-
tween the ignorant granger and the
knowit-all business man is to be meas
ured by the difference between the
values Of the gold bricks they buy.
When an unsophisticated, innocent,
confiding farmer trusts the pleasing
tale of a rank stranger and buys bag
of brass filings at about the price of SO
much gold, the world laughs and attri-
butes the success of the fraud to the
ignorance Of the farmer; but when
shrewd man of affairs, who has started
with nothing and made millions of
money, falls a victim to a confidence
operator we gasp and stare as at some
kind of miracle and wonder how such
things can be in a civilized country.
Yet there is no cause for wonder
ment. The farmer is not deceived be-
cause of his ignorance. 1t is his greed
that makes him credulous, and it is
the same with the duped man of the
world. Each sees what he thinks is
chance Of getting something for moth
ing. Any man can cheat another who
can lead that other to believe he is
the one who is doing the cheating. If
the true story of the career in this
country of the man of many aliases
could be written it would be found he
got the best of our smart American
promoters of enterprise by inducing
them to believe they are getting the
best of him.
All the same the iniquitous Austria
lian is too sharp q blade to be left at
large and 1t is to- be hoped some provi-
Dental concatenation of circumstances
will enable our detectives to get not
only a clew, but the rascal himself.
We need him in the penitentiary as
a proof that providence is on the side
of virtue.
1t is permissible of course for us all
TO laugh and make merry over the
losses of those who listened to the tales
of the plunger and furnished the coin
for the plunging, but the laughter
should not sound any note of self-glori-
fication. Every man has his gold
brick, and he who has not run up
against it to his cost has good cause
to deem himself lucky. Pious men have
been known to purchase gold bricks
when they thought they were buying
bibles; and men who never buy any,
thing at all have had gold bricks hand
ed to them as free gifts at surprise
parties.
There IS a widespread belief that the
Government is so tied up with red tape
it needs month to do work that pri
Il n IN q
therefore, when the Government shows
speed, the thing is worth noting. For
that reason attention should be directed
to the promptness with which aid was
sent from this country to the stricken
people of Porto Rico.
The dispatch of Governor General
Davis announcing the effects of the
great hurricane was received by the
War Department at Washington on
August H. On that same day orders
were sent to New York to purchase
food supplies and the transport Nc
Pherson was ordered to receive them.
The New York Tribune says: Within
one hour contracts for 100000 pounds of
rice and 100000 quarts Of beans were
placed, and inside Of another hour
trucks were being loaded with the pro-
duce for conveyance to the. United
States transport Mcpherson, which is
to take it to Porto Rico"
The next day the transport set out
on her voyage under full steam. Did
private enterprise ever beat that?
According to an old story, when
Satan undertook to tempt the philoso
pher, Acepsimos, to leave his study of
wisdom and incline his heart to folly,
he offered him first a dukedom, then
a principality, then kingdom, then an
empire and finally the whole globe, but
still the philosopher refused.
What" said Satan. will you not ac-
cept the globe as a sufficient exchange
for one folly?"
Most willingly would I commit forty
follies for it." said Acepsimos, were it
not for the people on it."
On the subject of the annexation of
the Philippines the average American
citizen is an Acepsimosian philosopher.
When Secretary Long tells us that If
the islands be annexed as a part Of our
territory the II 900, 900 Asiatics will have
full liberty to come and settle in this
country we refuse to commit the folly.
If Satan wishes us to accept those ISL
ands he must first remove the people,
Here is a truly true advertisement
from New York newspaper and 1t
means business. "a young Christian
man, with wife and four children, cul-
tured people, needs $4,000 cash imme-
diately to invest in business and in
home in the South; desires some kind
lady, or person, young or old, that is
alone in the world, to furnish him this
amount of funds and make her home at
once with his family for life and have
their care, sympathy and love-"
The one satisfactory feature of the
proposal of that family of Christian
and cultured people is that when they
get the $4,000 they propose to go South
and not come to California. We can
stand a good deal in the way of enter
prise, but not too much-and we have
just entertained Mr.. Howard.
Last Sunday I directed attention to a
report of a committee of the Selectmen
of Tyngsboro, Mass, to the effect that
a fire caused by lightning was due ito
the carelessness of the Lord The re-
mort created something of q SenSa atiop