The Anaconda standard., 1899-09-15

a Diplomatick career after I married
| YOU" paw says. You'd make nice wife
| of a forren council with all your igno-
rancy of sich affairs, woulden't you?
| Sposen l was hired By the Govamunt,
| tho, and was Sent over to Burlin to See
the Emperor about Gttin him to report
| the Dryfus trial or the yot race er some
thing like That fer a New York paper.
| I'd go up to the pallus and ring the Bell,
| and purity Soon a Survent would come,
| and I'd say:
Good mornen- Is the Emperur IMP
| No. the Survent would say, he Has
| went out alreddy.'
WHARF is He? I'd asst.
| al fergit whether He's openin Ca
| nal or Unvailin a Statute of his grand
| fawther this mornin,' the survent would
| answer.
| Then I'd go in and set down and WAITE
| and purity 500 the Emperur would come
| hurryin in, dressed as a kernel of the Yoo-
| lans. After we would Shake hands he
| would say:
You must excuse me fer a Few min
utes. l Got to present a meddle to fell
| ler what Belongs to a Friendly power.
| He's waitin out in the Hail.
80 he goes into the Bed room and
| purity soon he comes out in yuoniform of
a Drum major in the Rooshen army, and
Goes and pins the meddle on to the man
Frum the friendly Power and then Comes
back, and 1 Start to tell Him what
Want, and He looks at his watch and
Hollers:
Holy smoke! Here it is a quarter
past 10 alreddy. l must go and lay the
corner stone of a Chewin Gum factry.
Here's the Family album full of pictures
of me what you kin look at till l git
Back
Then He Dresses Himself like a Judge
so he won't miss the next car. When he
comes Back he only Has time to Dress
up as a admiral and Go to Lawnch a new
tug BOte. Then it's Time to git his pick
ture took in six styles, and That takes
him twenty minutes, so when He gifts thru
He makes speech to the assembled null
titoOd, sayin:
My dear Children, thare's only one
thing you got to Do to Be the graitest
people on erth. That's to pay your Taxes
and Remember That Thare's jist one Reel
| Thing worth while in this world and I'm
it. Always remember it's me That gives
the word when the Whistle Blows and
you'll Be happy. France has a graft
army. / want to see that sho in Parus
next year.
"Then they holler Hook, Hook, few
times and the Hired Curl says dinners
reddy."
"Wel," may says, "you mite tell Him
what you want while he's Hatin.''
NO paw told her, that's one of the
Bizzest times in the Day fer him. While
the meel is goin on he has to pose fer a
Bust of Himself and Dicktate the musick
| of an opery to Three tipe riters. When
| he's thru eatein he puts on the yooniform
| of a kernel of the Coldstream CARDS and
goes out and wins a yot race from the
| prince of walls and Takes F'urst prize in
| a Shooter match. On his way home he
| unvails three monuments of His grad
| fawther and sends friendly messages to
| the Forren potentaits.
| well I iist git started to Tell him
| what / Dropt around fer when the clock
| strikes g. and he jumps up and is Gone.
| Purity soon he comes out of the closet
in the yooniform of a Turkish pashaw and
| says:
| Excuse me. I got to rite a Letter to
| the sultan congratulated Him Becos Him
! and his sixty-thurd wife Has a Little
| Boy After that's done He goes back and
| Dresses himself like a murry huntsman
| and goes out and Beats the Reckord kill
in Stays. It's beginnin to Git purity Late
then, an he's got to open anuther canal,
| so | Don't care to wait emmy Longer and
| while he's in putin on a new yooniform
| l Duck out of Thare, and he teefones me
the next morning tellin How glad he Is
| that him and this Country is on Sich
| friendly relations.
| Paw" nav says.
| 'NNhat?" says paw.
I'm glad you amt no Emperur."
| "Why?"
| "Becoz if you had to Dress and ondress
| that Fast you'd Have every button tore
! off inside of two Days, and you'd never no
WHARF the pants was what Belonged to
your other SCOT"
! So paw got mad and sed the hole family
was always tryin to run him Down and
| he woulden't tell us no more about it.
| GEORGE.