Mesa free press., 1899-01-06

L w nat Is LudI ShVNN'
don't know. Either Hobson is in town
or shirt waists are marked down to
nineteen cents."-Chicago Record.
The Judge (sternly)-The next person
! who interrupts the proceedings will be
expelled from the courtroom. The
prisoner enthusiastically Hooray.-
| Puck.
She-"Have you heard Songs With
out Words? He-"I've heard lot Of
! them without music" After that the
| incident and piano were closed.-In-.
dianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Jones-Why don't you do some
thing to support yourself? The tramp
Il wuz t'inkin', madam, of startin' one
| Of dem endless chains Of letters con-
tributin' to me relief.-Puck.
This" said Mr.. Filter, sis picture
Of the only girl l ever loved" "How
cleverly," said Miss Wyse. as she look
ed at the portrait. "they do get up these
composite photographs!-Tr
Pruyn-Have you heard that horrible
story about old Stiffe being buried
alive? DR.. Bolus (hastily)-Buried
alive? Impossible! Why, he was one
of my Enthusiastically Life.
Farmer Ito young tkief)-What are
you doing under the tree with that
apple? Bright boy-I was just going to
climb up the tree to put back this ap-
pie, which. / see. has fallen down.
Pittsburg Bulletin.
Jinks-I want to buy dog. l don't
know what they call the breed, but it is
something the shape Of greyhound.
with a short. curly tail and rough hair.
Do you keep dogs like that? Fancier-
No; browns 'em!-Punch.
He-It seems to be generally ac-
knowledged as fact that nearly all
women admire soldier. She-I don't
know as to the married ladies, but none
of the single ones would object to a
good offersir.-Chicago News.
Miss MISUNDERSTANDING you are not
aware Of the fact that my family came
over in the Mayfiower. Miss Cutting
Indeed! But then l suppose you were
too young at the time to remember
much about the trip.-Chicago News.
The hired help-Say. this here ice you
have been 1eavin' is fve or ten pounds
short every mornin'. The iceman-
Sure, it's the burnin' giances of them
lovely blue eyes that melts it before I
kin git it to the house.-Cincinnati En-
quirer.
Willie Smith was playing with the
Jones boys. His mother called him:
willie, don't you know those are bad
boys for you to play with?' Eyes,
MOTHER" said Willie, Il know that, but
then Lam good boy for them to play
with"
Father tsternly)-Wha is this hear
about you gambling? Son (hastily)-I
admit play cards, father, but it is
only for small stakes. Father-Oh. as
long as it is for something to eat | don't
mind. But don't let me hear you play
ing for money.-Truth.
Mrs. Dashleigh-I see here, Ethel.
that every name has a meaning. Thus
Harold means brave" Charles means
gay" Richard Miss DaShleigh Gn-
terruptingly)-O, l know what Dick
means, ma. He means business. He
told me so last night-Boston Globe.
Little Clarence (who reads and pom
ders)-Pa,. is it true, as Shakespeare
saws, that "all the worlds stage"
Mr.. .Callipers-It may have been so in
Shakspeare's time, but as far back as
can remember 1t has been more like a
court-house-it has been SO full Of
trials.-Puck.
Friend-Your wife is certainly brill
iantly handsome woman. should
think YOU would be jealous of her.
Host (confidentially)-To tell you the
truth. Robbins, am. l never invite
ANYBODY here that sane woman could
possibly take the least fancy to.
Little Harry-Pa. what's a foregone
conclusion? Pa-Anything that's sure
to follow something else. To give you
an illustrations: If I1were to lock the
drawer of my desk it " ouldn't be twen-
ty minutes before yonr mother would
break it open for the purpose of finding
out what l was trying to conceal
Cleveland Leader.
She did not hesitate to express alarm
concerning the young soldiers future.
"Haye no fears" he exclaimed, cheer
ily. I'VE have a colonel who Is both gai-
liant and discreet, and subordinate OFF,
GERS who are intelligent as well as
brave" II know all that, Harold, dear.
But what kind of. cook have your
Washington Star.
Teacher-Now, children, we all know
what the word posterity means, do we
not? Pupils-Yes, ma'am. Teacher
Well, then, write sentence containing
the word. Give minutes later)-"NoW,
Johnnie, you may read yours" Johnnie
i am sorry for the kids of posterity
that Wilt haye to learn this war out of
a book. We'have a regular snap
Truth.
.1,d like to know what you would
! or hove been If hadn't married you,