The White Pine news. [volume] (Treasure City, Nev.) 1868-1906, 1899-03-02
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Ear.
Perhaps the Spanlards would have
asked for peace earlier If they had I'M
derstood our language.
Attorney-What ground have you for
asking for pension? Applicant-Why,
when the engagement began, lost my
head-Harpers Bazaar.
First Volunteer (of returning decimat-
ed regmenO-The girls are going wild
over usl Second Volunteer tgrimlyl-
Yes; we are remnants.-Ex.
Jack says this new horse he has
bought Is bargain" Then It Is safe
lady's horse" "WhyT Because a
woman can always drive a bargain. -
Judy.
At Sunday school little girl was ask
ed: "Why should you not hide your light
under bushel?" The reply came pat:
For fear of setting fire TO it."-London
Chronicle.
Mrs. Benham-Mother tried TO COM
init suicide to-day. but | prevented 1t.
Mr.. Benham-I wish you'd let her have
her own way about those little things
Town Topics.
"The German Emperor" said the shoe
clerk boarder, seems to be carrying
things by storm" yes" assented the
Cheerful idiot, 'he relgns and blows"
indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Thricewed (of Chlcago)-I won
. hn6 n
vorce? Mrs. Oftwed (of Dakota)--I sup
pose not. You know 1t is said that the
mills of the gods grind slowly.-Life.
mo, Willie, DEAR" said mamma, mo
more cake tonight. Don't you know
you cannot sleep well on a fall stom-
achr "Well," replied Willie, 81 can
sleep on my back. "-Philadelphla Press.
Here is an article headed. From
War to Wedlock,' said Mrs. Tiff as she
looked over the newspaper; shat is an
alliteratIve title" EYES," added Mr..
Tiff; "alllterative. but pathological. -
Judge.
"That new advertisement writer Is no
good" "WhyT Here's an advertise
ment which he wrote of our famous
Natural Mineral Spring Water, and at
the bottom It says: Address the manu-
facturers.' PUCK.
Jay Green Ia rural swain)-When l
was out buggy ridln with Miss Daisy
Filters last Sunday, she insisted ON
takin' the reInsP' Abner Appledry-
What did you do? Jay Green-Awl l
took the hlnt-Puck.
Professor-Too bad! One of my pu-
pills, to whom have given two courses
of instruction in the cultivation of the
memory, has forgotten to pay me, and
the worst of 1t Is can't remember his
name.-Fliegende Batter.
why don't you cry 'enoughT" said
a bystander to little Frenehman who
was being badly pounded and who kept
crying "Hurrahw 81 give t'oussand
dollar" said the little Frenchman, "to
know Eat word before. "-Judge.
There's man who has had many a
narrow escape from being shot" I'm
deedl Was he one of the Rough Riders
who rushed up that hill at CaneyT
mo; lie was an Adirondack guide for
nearly three weeks."-Chlcago News.
The governess was giving little Tom
my a grammar lesson the other day.
IAN abstract noun," she said, rs the
name of something which you can
think of but not touch. Can you give
me an example?" Tommy-A red-hot
pokerl-Tit-Blts.
Mr.. Ticks-Adam was certainly In
great luck. Miss Wieks-How was
thatf Mr.. Ticks-Why, when he got a
wife he only had to give up a rib; and
now 1t takes all the backbone a man
has Just to think Of getting married.
Roxburg Gazette.
Mrs. Knowit-Mrs. Strongmlnd Is
gradually developing her husband into
an ideal man. He does everything now
Just as she wants him to. Mrs. Sharp
er-Yes, and when she has him perfect
she will despise him because he didn'i
have mind Of his own!-Puck.
my brain Is on fire." tragically ex'
claimed Mrs. Bobklns. as she threw
herself down upon the sofa. why
don't you blow it out?" absent-minded
ly replied Bobkins. deeply absorbed In
the evening newspaper. And then he
lodged a flying Exchange
Fond Mother-Th papers is saying a.
how Mister DeStar, tn great actor, Il
gettin' one hoondred dollars a night
Scene Shifter-Yis; an wot does we get
Only fifty cents n night fer shlftln' al
that heavy scenery fer him ter walk an
spout before. It's an anarchist I'll sooI
be.-New York Weekly.
$50 you and Dickey have been play
Ing soldier, have you, Tommy? hop
you didn't really quarrel with eacl
other" "Quarrel nothln'. Dick onl.
played soldier about three minutes, anC
then he said he was goin' to be CubaI
insurgent, and he stopped and went t.
eatin'. Chicago Tribune.
WillIe-I think old Moneybags is tn
meanest man l ever knew. Mile
What has he done? Willle-Bought 70
his daughter a musical parlor clocl
which plays "Home. Sweet Home" a
10 o'clock, Tramp, Tramp. Tramp" a
1915, and Johnny, Get Your Gun" a
1O:30.-Jewelers' Weekly.
Mrs. Humboldt can't understand
why you are SO glad TO be at home
again. Didn't your daughter, ths
countess. make 1t pleasant for you oyel
there? Mrs. Hardrocks-0h, yes; Molly
tried to make me feel right at home
but I never tried to eat with my knife
without being caught at 1t either by the