The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-02-26


quired by carlessness truly Malapropian
faculty for mixing things up in her lightly
thought-of sentences. There are several
good stories told on her in this regard, but
the best of them concerns a lapse which
she is said to have made while on her re-
turn trip from London, after her sue
cess in that Metropolis. 1t seems that
Mile. Titenia met a very good friend on
the journey and seized the first opportunity
to explain all she knew of the ship. The
process was very lengthy and almost a
day had been given it when the pair
reached the main salon, tired, but not lack
ing in enthusiasm. Everything was duly
noticed and the duo were just leaving when
the actress remembered something. Wait
a moment" she said, turning, you should
be interested in the construction here.
Maybe you don't believe me. but the whole
woodwork is from And Mile Titenia her
self was the merriest of the party in her
enjoyment of the joke when she saw her
mistake.
When Digby Bell first determined to de-
sert the fields of operate and farcical COM
edy, in which he had shone so long, he
mentioned the matter to Charles Hoyt and
was advised-since he had determined to
make the move-that he had best carry
out his project at once. The great satirist
held that once an author or an actor made
a reputation for being funny, nothing could
prove to the public that he was anything
else, and in support of his theory told the
following story:
My first experience in the theatrical
business was gathered in Ohio. where l
occasionally rented the town hall of the
village wherein / lived. During the first
year of these enterprises booked a num-
Der of lecturers and conducted quite a
lyceum bureau on small scale. But for
some reason or other the public refused tn
be elevated, and all my ventures ended in
empty houses and financial loss. After a
long term of this sort of thing / resolved
TO centre all my endeayors in one great eff
fort to regain the money that had slipped
away from me- and TO that end arranged
with famous humorist to visit the little
city and give a talk. The experiment
threatened to be an expensive one, for the
gentleman demanded a very large guaran-
tee besides his railway fare, but he was u
great fayorite in that part of the country
and there seemed no reason to anticipate
anything except good luck in connection
with the engagement. After fixing the
date for the appearance and advertising
extensively in a weekly paper / resolved
that / had done everything that could be
done, and quietly though anxiously awaited
the result.
The evening on which the author was
10 arrive proved a stormy one. but despite
this fact a great crowd gathered and my
worries seemed fast to be approaching
their end. We filled the little auditorium
to suffocation-seated people all along the
platform. and l was just wondering if we
couldn't build circus seats outside the win
dows when a telegram arrived for the
lecturer. If l had known as much about
my business then as | do now | would
have kept that yellow envelope until after
the entertainment was over but ! had not
cut my wisdom teeth in these days and so
| carried the thing around to the fellow
who had just come and was already slip
ping into his dress suit preparatory to
greeting the assembly. Upon reading the
message he turned white TO the lips and
then broke into tears. After a moment he
told me that his wife's mother, whom he
loved as though she had been his own
had just died, and that il would be impos-
sible for him TO go on that stage and tell
jokes.
The turn of affairs simply made me
heartsick. Here was all the money for
which / had worked so increasingly to be
returned and the public on which / de-
pended for livelihood 10 be disappointed
into the bargain. But the poor fellow
was so evidently broken up about the
matter that l told him to do Just as he
liked, only requesting that he go before
the crowd and explain things so that it
would hold me guiltiess. At first he de-
INJURED. but finally he saw that there were
other sufferers in the world besides him
self and agreed to my proposition.
There was round of applause when
the noted humorist stepped on the ros-
! trum. and then the people caught sight
of his tear-stained face and waited ST
lently. The lecturer gave great gulp
and commenced Ladies and gen
tlemen,' he said, I come before You to
make sad announcement-to say that
cannot give the talk which you have as
sembled to hear He sobbed and CON-
tinued. My mother-in-law has Just died
The result was most unexpected. just
as soon as the audience heard the state
ment it broke into uproarious laughter.
Every one of the men and women there
took the announcement TO be the best
! joke of the season, and enjoyed it as such.
The red eyes and sad expression of the wit
only added zest to their amusement. Three
/ times rhe astonished lecturer tried TO re-
peat what he had said. and three times
4 his voice was drowned in the general mer-
4 riment At last he left the house in anger
and surprise And ever since have ad-
| vised aspirants for honors in serious fields
of labor TO try for them before making
| regulations as funny men
The story has pathetic bearing on
| Hoyt's recent failure "A Dog in the
! Manager" but ii seems to have little con-
cerned the actor to whom it was related
| Mr.. Bell went straight ahead, and in two
years not only abolished memories of HIM
! self as an entertainer, but established his
ability in a more congenial line. And
were neither application discernible, the
tale would still be worth the telling.
Some players are conscientious and 9th
ers are not, but it is indeed rare in thest