davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
PITH AND POINT.

There is nothing to some men, except
that they are smart and well educated
--Atehison Globe.
When a man discovers he is being
driven to despair he should get out and
walk Chicago Daily News.
An Art Criticism She'd look bet
ter without so much powder and rouge
on" "Yes. She isn't so bad as she's
painted. Philadelphia Bulletin.
Like Many Others Willis Tank
leigh never mixes politics and religion"
Wallace "Takes his politics straight,
eh?" Willis NO; he mixes whisky
with it."-Puck.
Foreign to Him. Daddy" said the
little colored boy. "Nen?n .Sgat's the
nationality of them coon songs they
sing in the theayters?' Philadelphia
North American.
'Thosed dialect stories make me tired, >
remarked Noorieh. whats the mat
Ter now?" asked his wife. ''Why, when
a man writes 'sich' or 'sech for such
that's all right, but / draw the line al
Psyche Philadelphia Record.
Put me off at Beacon street." said
the fair passenger to the Boston trolley
conductor. Il viii notify you when
Beacon street is reached" replied the
conductor, "and be glad to assist you
to alight, but l couldn't entertain the
brutal thought of putting you off, my
dear lady. Philadelphia North Amer
lean.
May-"Did you see Miss Woodby's
fall gown? It's something terrible, but
she thinks it's fine Fay What sort
of thing is it?'' May-"Why, she's
simply taken an old dress and put one
of those fashionable trains on it," Fay
-"Ah! l suppose she believes ''Alrs
swell that ends SWELL Catholic
Standard and Times.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
Experiments on Mumm,es

Some very interesting experiments
with the Roentgen rays on several of
the mummies at the British museum
have been most successful in showing
as clearly as possible the bones which
for numbers of centuries have remained
hidden in the folds of their covering.
The X-rays were applied by one of Sir
w. Crookes' assistants at the instance
of DIR. J. Anderson, who is engaged in a
great work on the zoology of Egypt,
and wished to ascertain whether it was
possible to determine the species of
the sacred animals of the ancient Egyp-
tians by means of their anatomy. In
this he has been successful in several
cases, and notably in the mummies of
the sacred balloons. The skulls and
bones of the animals are clearly indi-
Gated in the spiagraph, and one photo
graph shows little monkey which has
been identified as belonging to species
found in northeastern Africa. Repre-
sensations of this species occur on the
monuments of ancient Egypt. This
particular mummy was found by Prof.
Flinders Petrie at Denderah, and it
probably dates from the fourteenth cen
fury before the Christian era. = Bir-
mingham Post.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
DEHoRNING CALVES.
When Properly Performed, This OPP
Grafton Is Neither Painful
Nor Very Serious.

The accompanying device for hold
ing cattle, without hauling a heavy rack
from farm TO farm, gives entire satisfac-
ton. 1t consists of plank six to eight
feet long and about eight inches wide.
Near one end four one-inch auger holes
are bored CA, A and c, @. A three
quarter-ineh rope inserted from the
front side, through the holes &C. @ is
Topped on back of the plank and tied in
knot, with just slack enough to admit
the animals nose, as shown in cut. An
other three-quarter-inch rope about
eight feet long is inserted in the holes
"a, Al and tied in knots on the back of
plank
You are now ready for action. Spike
your plank up against the side of barn
or outbuilding, or in a stable door OF
STALL If man is careful in handling
stock it is a very easy matter to lasso an
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
A Fox's Leap.

To be hunted and killed is the lot of
the fox, and il is not often that one
comes to its end by its own act A gro
ceryman caught a young fox, and. not
knowing what TO do with the animal,
gave il the run of the cellar. The fox
is naturally drowsy during the daytime.
and, although the door was always open
by day. it never had attempted TO peer
out into the world that was only a
couple of bounds away At night the
closed door prevented its exit. One
Saturday after a busy day the clerk
forgot to close the door, and the fox got
out Over the grocery was an apart
ment house. and somehow the fox went
up the stairs unobserved and out on the
roof Then he looked down upon the
busy street below. and the noise and
the lights must have turned his brain.
At any rate he leaped down from the
roof and landed on the pavement, and
the poor animals breath was knocked
out too far ever to return.--Golden
DAYS
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16


other remedies. 1t is wonderful help to women
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
"prettv near three vea-s y,

-
First time that | ever heard that
you were in the late unrleasantnsss
returned his employer; "acyer hear
about your adventures in that line
"Well," interrupted the salesman,
you see / am the only man engaged IN
the civil war who is not writing for
the magazines"
I'm many battles?' asked the man
aging partner.
''Yes."
"Wounded?"
"Twice-once in the leg and the other
time in the heart"
Recovered from the effects of both
wounds?"
Recovered from the shot in the leg;
the wound in the heart is still open"
UNI" was the finale of this running
conversation.
The salesman nodded, and then the
converse became strictly business"
The desire of the firm was concisely this,
TO renew a southern trade previously
held by the house. which had been inter-
rupted by the civil war and never re-
gained-never regained because the
house had never made an effort to re-
sumo business relations with that Sec
ton.
walter" said the senior partner, be-
coming familiar, Eve must win all that
trade back again. | not only want the
city houses. but those remote planta-
ton stores at the crossroads, which car
ry such big stocks of our very lines.
And as for the salary and commission,
the house will guarantee that your
trial trip in the new section shall be no
loss to you.'
When the day for the salesman's de-
parture for Virginia came the head of
the house at parting said:
We'll, you are advancing on Rich
mond this time under somewhat diff
ferent circumstances"
Not so very different" interrupted
the salesman, with quiet chucllle. Il
was drummer then, and I'm drum
mer now"
just at dusk one night he drove up to
| the store on the Clayton plantation,
and walking into the establishment an
nounced himself and his business by
presenting his card, as he said:
Il want supper, feed and keep for my
horse, lodging for myself, and win talk
business later"
a young man behind the counter re-
piled:
'Ihat'll be all right, Mr.. Lines. The
proprietor will be here in moment"
Then he ordered a lounging darby to
take the horse round to the barn"
The drummer was just going to ask
the condition of trade when a woman
entered.
Miss Clayton, the proprietor" said
the clerk, introducing the newcomer.
The greeting of the two was so
hearty that the clerk almost fell over
| the counter.
why, Walter!"
why, Gladys!"
That clerk was a iewel-he knew his
/ business. He hurried out of the store
to feed the drummer's horse.
| In inclosing an order for a large bill
of goods on the ensuing day the drum
mer, in a communication to the head of
the house, wrote:
Il have entirely recovered from that
wound of the heart. In Miss Gladys Cay
ton | have found an old acuuaintance-a
new woman CT the new south whom |
| shall have no trouble in bringing into the
union. At present her mother is rather a
hopeless case, but ] am quite sure that she,
| too, will become thoroughly reconstructed
/ in due season.
| Home Magazine.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
COL. ArKINsoN's WIT.
An Instance of sudden and Singing
Sarcasm in His bar
Practice.

One of the judges of the Wayne circuit
court tells Of an incident in the bar prac
tice Of the late Col John Atkinson that IL
Illustrates his quickness to hurl a Parthlan
shaft snd the biting sarcasm OF his irony.
He was opposed in the case on trial by all
the power and resources Of James IL Pound,
and they were fighting like giants for every
point of advantage. Pound had won ma
jority of the jousts, the colonel was nettled,
and was lying low for chance to deliver
swinging blow.
1T came" says the judge, when | de-
cided point against Pound. 1t had been
fercely argued by both attorneys, and in de-
Gliding it as / did / stated my reasons at
length, giving authorities. / saw Pound
shake his head at one of my conclusions,
his lips moved, and ] supposed he had made
some comment, SO when | concluded my de-
cision, | asked:
"What did you say" Mr. Pound.
"Quick as a shot, and in his most cutting
tones Of intense sarcasm, the colonel re-
piled:
Mr. Pound did not speak, your honor.
He merely shook his head. There is moth
ing in it. Detroit Tribune.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
SOCIAL DELIGHTS
While Engaging In the Game
of Whist.

This is what a Detroit whist player is
willing to take oath took place at a party
where he was doing his level best for a
prize:
The large lady, his partner, gave the
right sleeve OF her shirt waist a hitch, NUT
tered under her breath and then said to
the other lady: Look at that, now. It's
all askew and so annoying. | don't care who
you go to or how much you pay, it's always
the same way. Did you signal for trump,
Or was il the other hand.
hat sleeve lost us three tricks" con-
tinued the complainant. Then the other
lady wanted a recipe for making chow
chow pleklehly or something of that sort.
Of course, my accommodating partner went
right to reeling it off, playing a king to my
ace when she had three spot, revoked on
another suit, led right into the enemy 5
strength, and then had the nerve to ask
me if | saw anywhere that she could have
oettered her play. Say, | wanted to boil
her in oil
Il tried to keep from turning red, saying
anything sarcastic or swearing a little, and
succeeded reasonably Well
hen She went to telling about a new
hat her neighbor had bought. She took
two i've spots at a heavy cost, and then
consoled me with half-Screaming explana-
ton that She had been playing pedro the
night before and had lapsed into it again
without thinking / never behaved better
in my life, feigned sudden illness, got away
and made things blue for two blocks After
| was gone she told the opposition that
played a very stupid game. Detroit Free
Drasg
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
Mixes BIG INVESTMENT.
His Calf Grew Into Cow and
He Had an Elephant on
His Hands.

A problem which has caused James
night and worried him into a state bor-
dering on nervous prostration was hap
PLY solved recently. The pigs in the
clover puzzle was an easy proposition
compared with the one which bothered
Mr. Mckee, and which was also diff
Guilty with relation to live stock. The
problem concerned the removal of a
COW that had been domiciled as a calf in
MeKee's back yard and had grown too
big to be taken out by way it had
been brought in or by any other avenue
of egress from the premises.
Mckee bought the calf about year
ago from butcher who was leading it
to slaughter. Goats were common in
the quarter, and Mckee calculated that
the calf would prove an innovation in
the way of pet. So he led the little
animal home and installed it in the
back yard, to the delight of his own
children and the envy of those of his
neighbors. He took the calf through
the front door of the house and the
".
getting into the yard in the rear.
This back yard is bounded on all
sides by tall tenements, and there is
not so much as an alley leading from
it to the street. But the situation of
the yard never entered into McKee's
calculations with respect to the future
of his new pet. One day he decided to
sell her.
A German butcher from Hunters
Point called to look the COW over. The
animal was fat and sleek and the
butcher decided to buy it.
but how | get her owid?'' he asked
of Mckee, seeing only the narrow hall
way leading to the street through the
house.
Then for the first time a realization
of the situation dawned upon Mckee.
Holy smoke, but / never thought of
that!" he gasped, gazing helplessly
about.
The butcher shrugged his shoulders.
Suddenly, however, n brilliant idea
struck him. He procured tape meas
ure, took the measurements of the COW
and then measured the width of the
hall door. Then he did some expert fig
uring Finally he reached conclusion
in the matter. He decided that if the
COW could be reduced in avoirdupois to
a certain degree she might be showed
through the front door. So he gave in
structions that the COW was not to be
fed for several weeks, and then left.
Then the neighbors took hand in
the game, and many and divers were
the suggestions made to Mckee for get
ting the COW out of the yard. One pro-
posed that a tunnel be dug under the
house, another that balloon or a der
rick be pressed into service, and still
another that the house be moved out of
the way. But Mckee acted upon none
of these brilliant ideas.
The COW had lost much weight, and
was led through the back door without
trouble, but it was still too big to pass
through the front door, and there it
pulled and tugged until he got red in
the face, and the Mckee family on the
inside pushed until they were exhaust
ed, but the COW held fast in the door
way. Finally the butcher got an AK
and chopped away on either side of the
COW, and the animal at last was
squeezed through.
'The next calf that I buy" re-
marked Mckee, wiping the sweat from
his brow, will be a rabbit. "-Philadel-
phia Inquirer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
True yaIrr of Manure.

Manure is simply materials that have
been softened and decomposed digest
ed within the body of the animal. 1t
IS of no advantage to apply the raw ma
terials, such as bran and linseed meal,
directly to the soil. though they are ex-
cellent fertilizers. as their value can DC
increased by feeding such articles TO
stock Manure is made quickly by the
animals. though the same tang occurs
in the soil BY slower process. All
that is not utilized by the animals n
some Increase Of product or for their
support comes back TO the farmer for
ues on 49, aad.--Prairie Fai er-
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16

A COW that is good alike for milk, for
making butter and for beef is probably
not good for much in either of these
directions. She is like some men who
are Observation-Disclosures and good at none.
Each of the dairy breeds has its own
special excellency for some purpose de-
veloped by breeding and care. 1t can
easily beat in its own department any
COW that has been careiessly bred. The
herd of pure breeds is especially val
liable 10 any farmer who wishes to inn
prove his stock. Its prepotency viii
stamp its own excellence on the prog
eny secured by breeding cows to males
of the breed that is known to possess
Them
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
StrucIx II Bf-.

Henry A. Salzer, Manager of the
John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse,
Wis, also President of the Idaho Gold
Coin Mining and Milling Co., is in luck.
They have recently struck wonderful
deposit of gold on their properties. AS
q result the stock of the Gold Coin Co.
has doubled in value. Many of the
patrons of the John A. Salzer Seed Co.
are owners Of Gold Coin Stock. The
mines are located in the Seven Devil
District, Idaho.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
Jnson CROW. oscnrviIle. ca, says.

81 feel it my duty to write and let you
know what your medicine, 5 Drops, has
done for me have had rheumatism about
Is years, but was able to be up most of the
time, until year ago last May, when | was
taken down and not able to move about.
About six weeks ago | saw your advertise
ment and wrote for a sample bottle After
taking few doses, it did me so much good
that | ordered some more for myself and
friends and in every case it has done won
der and given perfect satisfaction. DIR;
rheumatism Is years, is taking $ Drops, and
says it is the most efficient rheumatic med
icine be has ever used. May 81, 1899"
The above refers to IS Drops" perfect
cure for rheumatism, kidney and all kin
bred complaints. The proprietors,. Swan
son Rheumatic Co., 1874 Lake St, Chicago,
offer to send 25c sample bottle for only
l0c. during the next 80 days. Be sure to read
their advertisement of last week
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16

SHOWS become deeper and deeper. The
long part of the hinge is made of rod
of iron that will turn easily in the eye
of the other part of the hinge. In the
lower hinge have three or four holes
drilled through the iron rod. as shown.
When the gate is to be raised slip 20
penny wire nail through the required
hole beneath the part containing the
eye, and the gate will stand at the ele-
walton required. When the snow is gone
the gate can be returned to its natural
Standardization Agriculturist.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16

Draw. clean and truss the partridges,
dust over with seasoned -four, and
brown in butter in spider. Now lay
them in an earthen cooking-crock hav-
ing a tight cover. add some game stock
or boiling water to the fat left in the
pan. rinse it around, and pour over
the birds Add one cupful of mixed
finely chopped = carrot,
onion. cabbage. celery and turnip-a
bunch of sweet herbs. salt and pepper,
and put on the cover. Cook for an hour,
remove TO a platter. and pour around
them the sauce rubbed through a soup
strainer-W oman's Home Companion.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
DEEDS AND DREAMS.

Young John Jones sat down and dreamed
OF the things he meant 10 do;
And the way his fancy schemed
Gave his thoughts a rosy hue,
Il am going to be great,
Said young John Jones;
Master great affairs of state,
Said young John Jones;
''Kings and queens on me shall wait,
Said young John Jones.
Young Bill Brown got down to work
In corner grocery store:
And he hustled like Turk
Till his master paid him more.
Il don't know what I may do"
Said young Bill Brown;
but what l can / m going to-,
Said young Bill Brown:
''And guess I'll get my due"
Said young Bill Brown.
Young John Jones still thought and thought
OF his futures howery ways.
And his fruitful fancy caught
Notes of many nations praise.
So he dreamed and dreamed and
dreamed,
Did young John Jones;
And brilliant boy he seemed,
Did young John Jones;
And a bright young man was deemed,
Was young John Jones
Young Bill Brown just pegged along,
Learning something every day.
Cheering comrades with a song,
Drawing large and larger pay.
He was rather commonplace,
Was young Bill Brown:
But he had an earnest face,
Had young Bill Brown:
And he hit steady pace,
Did young Bill Brown.
Old Jack Jones somehow has failed
To achieve the shining height
Which his youthful dreams assailed
With such a fanciful delight.
Couldn't reach the top somehow,
Could old Jack Jones'
Fame has never famed his brow,
Not old Jack Jones:
And he's poor and friendless now,
Is old Jack Jones.
Mr.. William Henry Brown
Runs a wholesale store or two,
Owns quarter of the town.
And believes L-'s 500 his due.
j. the prints we often read
OF w Il. Brown;
He's a noted man indeed,
Is w. II Brown.
Doing things has been the creed
OF w. II. Brown.
-Robertus Love. in y. Y. Sun.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
cIoon CoaI Nsina

The Gillian coal mines, opened in
1885, seem to be nice places to work in
The seam of coal runs from the shore
under the waters of the Pacific ocean.
and the tunnels are so clean that you
could walk through them in dress suit
without making yourself dirty. They
are lighted by electricity, and you can
have ride for mile under the ocean
on an electric car at speed of 20 miles
an hour. The mines form quite cata-
comb of well-lighted passages under
the water. The output of coal is now
1000 tons day. and $50 miners are en-
ployed in them.-N. Y. World.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16

Every reader of this paper should give
special heed to the offers which are appear
ing from week to week by the John NJ.
Smyth Co., the mammoth mail order house
advertisement Of a thoroughly up-to-date,
frst-class sewing machine, at the astound-
ingly low price Of Sl425. Coming as this Of
fer and other offers do from house with a
commercial rating Of over one million dol
lars, and of the highest character, they mark
an opportunity that the shrewd buyer will
not be slow to take advantage Of The John
NJ Smyth CO.. $50 to 1876 West Madison
street, will send their mammoth catalogue,
in which is listed at wholesale prices every
thing to eat, wear and use, on receipt of
only 10 cents to partly pay postage or ex-
pressage, and even this 10 cents is allowed on
first purchase amounting to one dollar.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
The Infant Terrible.

She was in the room the other day
when her mother was entertaining a
woman friend.
Little Florence has a great admira-
ton for you. She told me the other day
she loved to sit and look at you,'' said
the mother, while the visitor seemed
pleased.
But Florence dreaded possible mis-
apprehension. THAT was only because
you look so fat and comfortable, she
FASTENED to explain.-N. Y. Evening
C1n
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
nnmestic Wnes.

A bride of three short weeks is she, and
yet her heart is sad:
For she has troubles of her own, and she
has them mighty bad.
To-day she sought the kitchen, and an
effort made to bake
A wondrous thing from a recipe that called
for angels cake;
But the cruel words of hubby brought tears
to her dark eyes
Said he: "Why it's called angel cake, can
readily surmise."
Chicago Daily News.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
Tea Poisoning.

Victims of tea poisoning are becoming
alarmingly prevalent. Women demand the
life and variety Of Health, and instead Of do
ing it naturally by building up their systems
they resort to tea. They should take Hostel
ter's Stomach Bitters instead. By strength
ening the digestive organs this brings beauty
and good spirits. 1t tones up the nerves,
drives away the blues, regulates the bowels
and cures all forms Of dyspepsia. All drug
gists sell it.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
There is more Catarrh in this section o

There is more Catarrh in this section o.
the country than all other diseases put to
gether, and until the last few years was
supposed to be incurable. For great many
years doctors pronounced it a local disease
and prescribed local remedies, and by con
stantly failing to cure with local treatment
pronounced it incurable. Science has proven
catarrh to be a constitutional disease, anC
therefore requires constitutional treatment
Cheney & Co. Toledo, Ohio, is the only
constitutional cure on the market. 1t il
taken internally in doses from 10 drops to 3
teaspoonful 1t acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces Of the system. They
offer one hundred dollars for any case il
fails to cure Send for circulars and testi
monias Address T. j. Cheney & Co., To.
ledo, O. Sold by Druggists, 75e.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1899-11-16
..Wbat of that p"
without and within.

While under her window he stands,
The moon raining light from above,
A mandolin clasped in his hands,
His heart gushing over with love,
He sings in a voice soft and mellow;
She sits in the parlor and plays
The piano and sings, the false maid,
The sweetest and fondest Of lays,
All unheeding the lest serenade.
Entertaining another young fellow.
Judge