The times., 1899-09-12
THE CHEsTY CENSOR.
Being the Expurgated Parable of
the Healthy Round Robin

ihe Heathy Round Robin.
Now in the days when the Round Robin
had grown to an exceeding great size and
had claws like unto an eagle and was
strong even unto the strength of embalmed
beef, 1t came to pass that the Chief War
rior O-ls-lt grew angry because of the
health Of the Bird. And O-Is-It was of
the tribe of Shafter and was the Leading
Heavy in the fuss between the American
ties and the Filipinoites. and when he had
much wrath behold the earth quaked and
great storms came upon that land. And
O-ls-It sent word unto the rulers of the
Americanites, saying, Behold, the Round
Robin is liar and there is no truth in
it. All is wrong save O-Is-It and he in
deed is 1t. Send US many ships filled with
Gellin's Food and darning needles and we
viii conquer the Filipinoites."
And the Scribes who had nursed the
Round Robin gathered together and said
Verify, let US grim And they did grin.
And O-Is-It, hearing the sound OF grim
ming within his camp, ordered that the
Scribes be brought before him that he
might slaughter them. And when they had
been brought he spake, saying, Verify,
hearken unto me thou SONS of Yellow
Parchment. Cease thy grinHing or be cast
into the seas which are about this land. !"
And the Scribes. having no life preseryers,
ceased the grinning. And O-Is-It set HIM
self upon throne and would let no man
depart from that land and proclaimed that
no Scribe might send parchment save
when O-Is-It had considered the words
written thereon, and had changed them to
suit his liking And he was called the
Censor, because that there was no sense
upon the writings when he had changed
them.
And when the Scribes wrote, "O-Is-It is
no good and is fat headed" behold, o-Is-It
seized a great blue pencil and the pareh
ment was changed to say, "O-Is-It is good
and is level headed" And when the people
IL the far-om land read the changed writings
they said one to the other, Verify, OIs-It
is indeed a great warrior and Napoleon
was but skate And when the Scribes
wrete, Verify the warriors are exceeding
sore and O-Is-It is an old woman, for he
cannot win any battles,' the Censor again
changed the writings to read, The war
riors are exceeding happy and OIs-It is
brave man, for each day does he defeat
the Filipinoites, the dead OF the enemy
being 1923 And the people reading the
changed parchments cried aloud, saying,
Verify, O-Is-It is a regular Kissing Bug
and soon will all the enemy be siain.''
Now it came TO pass that Hank Mamma,
who ruled the land of the Americanites,
was much pleased with the blue pencii of
O-ls-It and sent him many presents, say
ing, Keep ii up oh, thou wise con man.
Let not the Administration be troubled
and all will be well. In my mansion are
many pie counters, and one will be re-
served for the faithful fakir.' And the
Scribes hearing that this had been said
gathered together and exclaimed with a
loud voice, Rough house, Beho q our
e. ffrac-- oIa hot
may be comforted. Let US go unto the
people and tell the truth" And one who
was speedy girded up his Ions and ran
unto the ships which went down to the
sea and sent a parchment TO the Ameri-
canites which had not teen witnessed by
the Censor. And when the parchment had
been read the Americanites grew amaze
at the things which were written, and
said, Behold, O-Is-It is one who slayeth
millions with a blue pencil and eonquers
the enemy upon parchment. Verify, he
could leave the Warrior Weyler at the post
on an even break"
And O-Is-It was reduced from 100 shek-
els to 29 shekels in the stock OF the Amer
ieanites, and the people cried oud to
have a real warrior do battle with the
Filipinoites. But Hark Mamma knowing
that OIs-It was an easy thing for him to
own, was deaf for a time and heard moth
ing And when the war had lasted even
unto the twelfth month the American ties
clamored with great c.amor.ng And Hark
Mamma spake, saying, Behold, O-Is-It is
hot dog and the real thing. Whom else
can / send save the Centurion Robberin
Sarter, who hath waged goodly war against
the Savannaites." And the people, fear
ing that this might come to pass, became
silent and spake not. but waited for the
eleventh month in the year 1900, when
they might embalm the Administration.
And the rulers laughed at the Scribes
and said, Bah, change thy brand of dope
and all will be we'll" But the Round Robin
grew unto the size of many cubits, even
unto the largeness of the dinosaurs, AMI
no man could cage it, And many w .tnesse
come forth from the war and spake truth
of O-Is-It, but Hark Mamma hearing them
said, Verify, do you love Yellin's Food ??
| And the witnesses answered, saying
may" And again was asked of them
Can you operate knitting needless" An6
| they answered ''Nay!" And Hark Mamma
! held them in derision, saying, Away. they
! have never fought in the camp OF O-Is-It.'
And the people prepared many strange
| things called hammers, for it is writer
that the tribe of Alger shall be knocked
even unto the tenth generation and OILS
! 1t is next upon the tablets.
| These things came to pass in the secon
month of Lake Champagne and in the frs
|