davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1899-12-29

A married man says thing of beauty
ceases to be Il JOY when his wife wants
one like it.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1899-12-29

The surest way to catch husband is
not to try.
The news & observer. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1894-current, 1899-12-29
oaIoAso, December %.

shade up and provisions unchanged to
212c. better.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14

To the growing list of the humors of
the affaire Dreyfus must now be added
the proverbial philosophy of Maj. Es-
terhazy, as expounded in his advice to
his nephew Christian. 'Shirk military
service and make a rich marriage" is
the essence of the ambition which is
put before the rising generation of
Frenchmen by the officer who was en-
braced by Prince Henry of Orleans as
the embodiment of the honor of the
French army. The major on matrimopy
is delightful. I'm marriage" he says,
zone of the two parties is always taken
in. You must try to be the other par
ty." Could La Rocbefoucauld himself
have turned out heater bit of epi-
grammatic cynicism than that? Ex-
cellent, too, is the majors "Whea you
tell q lie do not always stick to it, Pail
Mall Gazette,
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
breeding Hare. for Their Fur,

A hat manufacturer in Indiana has
organized company to breed Belgian
hares and already has 800 fine hares
in tract of land inclosed by wire
netting. He expects TO raise 100000
hares annually. Since the practical ex-
tinction of the beaver there has been
a sad lack of homegrown furs suitable
for hat manufacture, and we have been
compelled to wear upon our heads the
product of the pauper Dummies of Eu-
rope and Australia. Everyone who has
had any experience with the fecundity
of the hare will wonder at the modera-
ton of the promoters of the plan in
estimating the output at a paltry mil
lion a year. The hare growers will do
well to take precautions that will keep
the animals from dominating the soil
like the rabbits in Australia. Perhaps,
il TIE plan proves successful, we viii!
see 'he t;ay wien rabbit warren or
hare ranch will be an a. &c: to sscry
hat factory.-Clothiers and Haber-
dashers' Weekly.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
STORY SOUNDED WELL
But There Was Reason to Believe
That 1t Was Not Wholly
True.

"When first went west" tells retired
bus;ness man. who now does nothing IN the
way of work except to NOV the lawn ana
see that the cat is in the barn at nignts
"this manned hand saved my life.
SIS that SOP" asked the visiting neighbor,
who knew that this form of invitation would
be sufficient to insure the story.
eyes, that's right If hadn't lost that
first finger when / was boy wouldn't be
here now. jim Dixon and me were tradin
with the Indians. We exchanged beads, fake
iewelry and bright calico for furs. All the
buffalo were not gone then and we did o
good business. One time we happened TO
Strike a wandering band of savages that
held us up on sight and it was plain from
the way the red devils danced around US
that we were to be put to death after the
Indian fashion. All at once / recalled that
a good many of the Indians knew me as the
'four-fngered' trsder who was always on
the level with those wild merchants, SO
held up the hand and kept it up till one OF
and then hurried to the chief in command.
He came to me in a dignified manner, ex-
amined the hand, grunted about 10 times
while celebrating, said How, and released
me as well as my partner. We were treated
right up to the handle and permitted to de-
part when we wanted to. 1t was the closest
squeak and the worst scare had out IN that
country when near calls and heart-failure
rights were the rule
brave man." said one neighbor to an
other, as they walked away. !.
Eyes, regular big injun, if you accept all
he tells Between me and you he lost that
finger two years ago while examining hay
cutter."-Detroit Free Press.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
. ~Kunel Banker"
! He Tells of Several Calls Aade on Several Editors.
!: Copyrighted $3.50 BM QUAD
ktststtstsstss1ssss s1satsts + + stsstss5s

The Cucumber VS.. Kurnel Bunker he
might have safely reckoned on an early
call from the man who had two horses
shot under him at Louisiana Court
House. / found the gentleman in his
sanctum and opened the case by in
viting him to step down stairs across
the street into the state house grounds.
He followed me, sab, and at proper
moment / turned on him and produced
cucumber and asked:
"'Sah, will you do Kurnel Bunker
the favor to name this esculent?'
HE replied that it was q cucumber.
"sAnd please name this?' ] said, as
l produced pistol.
HE did SO, and drawing a second one
/ handed him the first and requested
him to wait while stepped off the
usual ten PAGES. had come to show
him the difference between cucumbers
and dueling pistols, but was not put
to any great trouble. He came down
handsomely, sah--came down befo' l
had marked six PAGES, and the spirit
with which he entered into the cam
paign made me 200 votes not counted
upon. Egad, sab, but the way that GU
cumber business dropped out of his
paper raised the price of pickles dol
lar barrel that winter!
"Once mo-, sah-once mo-" huskily
continued the Kurnel, as he gazed long,
ingly into the vast emptiness of the
glass at his elbow. "a certain editor
had characterized me as relic of the
drift period. l could not mistake his
meaning. 1t happened that he was the
last of the fraternity on which / had
to call. When had introduced myself
/ said:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
a Lost opportunitxl.

II never recall little incident that
happened to me five or six years ago
in Chicago that don't want 10 hurt
something or somebody" said the man
with the fiorid face, as we lighted our
cigars. Being asked to state his case he
continues:
II was standing in front of the Palm
er house when man came along and
said he was hard up and offered to sell
me 5000 diamond ring for 500. hung
off, and he put the price down and
down till he finally reached $40. Then
1 sort O. got scarf O. him and walked
off,"
But that is an old trick" laughed
the drummer. You don't imagine that
was real diamond ring, do your"
''Of course not"
"Then you'd have been sold."
Not much wouldn't! When got
home they were raising $500 to buy a
diamond ring for one of our citizens as
a testimonial, and l could have turned
that in and made s160 as easy as rolling
off a log! You bet your boots I'll keep
my eyes open for bargains when &C
to Chicago agein!"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14

"Egad, sab, but must write that
editor a personal letter thanking him
for his courteousness," said Kurnel
Bunker, as l handed him newspaper
clipping which spoke highly of him
as soldier and politician. "Yes, sab,
an autograph letter will please him in
return, and he will treasure it up among
the archives for his grandchildren to
read"
AS the Kurnel looked around he
found what he was wishing for at his
elbow, and after critically examining
the two straws and making choice of
the longest, he settled himself back and
said:
"When I began my political career
the press did not take kindly to me.
had come back from the wah to make
place for myself, and the stay-at-
homes resented what they called my
impertinence. The press was con-
trolled by the stay-at-homes, and at
the first mention of my name there was
q howl of derision and defiance all along
the line. Egad, sab, but some of 'em
went so far as to say that was made
Kurnel for being kicked in the leg by az
army mewl! 1 was called crank and
pretender, and kindly adviced to con.
fine my ambition to the mayoralty of g
village. 1t was the freedom of the
press, sah-the boosted freedom of the
press-but they did not know their
man. Kurnel Bunker, who broke the
lines at Chantilly and wanted to turn
Little Round Top at Gettysburg, was
not the man to rest under the asper
sions cast upon his character in civil
life. gave them rein for few week:
and then sat out to make some persona
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
VERY OBLIGING.
He Was willing to Give the sos>
canic Vocalist a Good HARD
Shove.

The vounc man who sings loud and long
was interrupted by tap at the door Oh ms
"Excuse me- said the tall, thin stranger,
81 am sorry to intrude. occupy the nat
under Won. and have come up to inquire
Il YOU are the gentleman who sings par
lads" "a
"Yes." was the answer, with the air OF
man who is modest, but cannot deny tne
truth. "Are you fond OF music!
al don't know that | am what you wouia
call fond of it. At the same time haven 7
anything particular against It, J am very
much affected by some things hear.
THAT amounts to the same thing as oeins
fond of it." was the answer, III tone u
soothing encouragement a..
II have been wondering il l caught the
words of your favorite song correctly. Lev
me see:
"How often. oh. how often.
Have wished that the ebbing TIDE
Would bear me away on its bosom
To the ocean wild and wide
eyes; it's all right, according to my reco:'
lection. Is that one of the pieces you are az
.Yes. l have been affected by that for
hours at a time. 1t has drawn me lrreslst'
ibly to YOU. 1t has filed me with yearn-
ing to do something that would make you
happier. And / called up to say that u
you'll come down to the river with me any
evening I'll pay your car fare and hire a
boat and give YOU a good start on the first
ebbing tide scheduled And | don't mind
saving that the further out it bears you the
better I'll be satisfied. Washington Star.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14

'Mistah Nightingale, plead guilty
to having lived long number of years,
but l have called this afternoon to con-
vince you that Notwithstanding my adj
vanced age l can still hold pistol-a
pistol, sab, and that l can count the
Will you take a walk with me in the
grounds of my friend Judge Dorsko, or
would it be mo- convenient for you to
meet this relic of the drift period at
sunrise tomorrow mawnin'?'
1.-THE next issue of that editors paper
was out day ahead of time," said the
Kurnel, as his eyes twinkled with salts
faction. 'He was in a hurry to set me
right, sah-to give the number of my
battles at II and my wounds at five,
and to announce that my nomination
as state senator was equivalent to an
election. Beautifully done, sah-bewti-
fully done for a country editor who
wasn't posted on the drift period, and
he has ever since insisted on sending
me copy of his paper free. There
you were, sah--Kurnel Bunker VS.. the
editorial fraternity of the Second Sen
atorial district-Kurnel Bunker VS.. the
Cucumber - Kurnel Bunker VS.. the
drift period. And the Kurnel still lives,
sah--still lives, and should it meet with
your approval, sah--"
| 1t did, of course, and he used botf
straws at once this time.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
w0MEN's LIFE IN INDIA.
Latest Code of Rules for Education
of Girls ON the Subject
of Marriage.

Many natives in India are now joining
with Europeans in attacking the sys-
tenn of child marriage, and social re-
former has come forward with care
fully prepared set of rules for the edu-
cation of girls, which, it is said, IF duly
observed, will be found to be of great
advantage" For it is thought that by
education reform will come, and the
100000 married girls not yet in their
teens have plenty of time, even in the
midst of their domestic duties, to de-
vote to their lessons. The social re-
former advises their instructors to pro-
coed on these lines: Don't teach the
girl any language useless to her life.
Don't teach her work which she will
have no occasion to do. Don't waste
her precious time in imparting knowl-
edge which she will have no occasion
whatever to use. Don't try to teach her
at school what she can better and more
naturally learn at home. These and
some others of an equally homely kind
are the rules which the Indian social
reformer lays down for the ameliora-
ton of the native girl. But il is open to
doubt whether education, even on SEN
sible lines, is sufficiently powerful to
break down caste preiudices, which are,
| of course, the real reason of the native
woinan's undeveloped state. The only
European invention which has done
anything so far to destroy these preju-
dices is the railway, and it is unlikely
that education can be really usefally
employed until the railway has made
a much further advance in its pioneer
work. Certainly the government can
never take any steps to interfere in the
thorny question of caste.-London
| Globe.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14

calls. The editor who combined me
with an army mewl and kick on the
leg was the first one visited. When /
had introduced myself 1 inquired on
which leg / had received the kick men
toned. Then elevated the bottoms of
my trousers and asked him if the scar
he saw Ga my right leg was caused by
q federal bullet or the hoof of a con-
federate mewl. I had produced pis-
tolls, .sah-pistols for two-when he
picked up his pencil to write a retrac-
ton, and the materials were SO fruit
full that he did not finish under col
umn. 1t was a bewtifui tribute, sab,
and it was double-leaded and published
in his next issue, and that editor has
never gone wrong since. What was the
name of that last decoction, if you
please?"
"A mint julep, Kurnel."
"Exactly-exactly. Very good for
the vocal cords, believe. Well, sab, a
certain editor had been asking in his
paper every week: Who is Kurnel
Bunker?' The query was repeated
about fo'ty times in each issue, and of
co'se the object was to belittle me. l
decided to call in person and reveal my
identity. / found him at home, sab
at home and surrounded by the para
pharnalia usually to be found in a
sanctum-and 1 saluted him in my
Enthusiastically suave manner and
observed:
t,n trim off n
identity of Kurnel Bunker, sah--per-
sistently and laboriously making in
quiries. He now stands befo' you, and
you are at-liberty to ask any questions
you see fit
"But he had none to ask" said the
Kurnel, as he smiled grimly. THE
man was embarrassed and COMPOUNDED,
and could only look at me with open
mouth. 1t was only when had asked
him to name friend and an early date
that he shook off his lethargy and
begged the privilege of shaking hands
with the hero of South Mountain. My
biography, which he published in his
next issue, occupied four columns, and
was one of the most vs liable documents
of my campaign. Ndt bad man. that
editor, but he hadn't sized Kurnel Bun
ker up right, you SEQ. Too much free
dom of the press, and too little Of Kur'
mel Bunker. Might have gone with
some men, but wouldn't pass with me-
Have you observed, sah-?"
/ had. / signaled to the colored boy
and he brought on two more. and when
| the straws had done their duty as be-
fore, the Kurnel briskly remarked:
''I had other calls to make. The edi-
tor of certain weekly paper had seen
fit to ridicule my affair of honah with
Majah Tripper, and had boldly declared
that we were only armed with cucum.
bers. Some men might have passed il
over. sab, but not so Knrnel Bunker
When he published an item headed:
'Furuel Bunker VI The Cucumber.-
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY.

Germany manufactures 20 per cent.
Of the worlds production of coal-tar
colors.
A few weeks ago the Krupp factory
turned out its 20,OOOth large gun for
European armies.
The largest flower in the world is the
Rafflesia Arnold of Sumatra. Its size
is fully three feet in diameter-about
the size of carriage wheel.
In the Medical News, DIR. Getscheli
declares that cardiac LESSONS do not for
bid the use of the bicycle, but it must
be prescribed. He believes that proper
bicycle riding will materially strength
en- a weak heart.
One of the minor, but yet very consid-
cradle, demands for iron and steel, OF re-
cent origin, is that entailed by the use
of metal tubing in mine shafts. Most
of the new pits now being sunk in Eng
land use greater OF less quantity OF
iron for this purpose, and the use OF
iron in mines in this country is also ex-
panding.
hiCuCt thot ~ eon~S " $1,000
about one-eleventh of "a second to think
out each note of a musical scale. He ex-
plains the practice that people will
often follow of bending their heads in
order to catch each minute sound by the
fact that the smallest interval of sound
can be much better distinguished with
one ear than with both.
The sight is much less keen than
thought. When revolved at speed no
faster than "a times a second, disc,
half white and half black. will appear
gray. We also hear more rapidly than
we can count. If clock-clicking move
ment runs quicker than ten to the Sec
ond, we can count four clicks, while
with 90 to the second we can count only
two of them.
Any one who has ever picked up with
bare hand piece of intensely cold
iron knows that the touch burns al
most as badly as if the metal were red
hot. Indeed, the action of great heat
and extreme cold are so similar that a
Hungarian chemist has turned the lat
ter to account to prepare meats for
food. He subjects the meat to 60 de-
grees of frost, and then seals it up in
alright cans. The result is that the
meat is practically cooked by cold"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14


open and ii swung back into place with
a bang and the thing was done. Wad-
ley looked at his watch and found it
was 20 minutes past ~.
That's dead easy" he said to him
self, as he walked away. "All you have
to do is to measure your door and cut it
down to the measurement of the door
frame, put on the hinges, and there
you are" He had an idea that the thing
was great deal more complicated and
demanded special skill. He had a saw
and a square of his own at home. The
saw was rather a small-sized one, and it
needed setting and fling little, but it
was still equal to chewing off the top
of screen door. The square was one
of the best made, etched all over with
fine lines and figures, the use of which
Wadley could only guess, but which in
spired his deep respect, nevertheless.
The people next door had plane, he
knew. and az they had lately borrowed
his garden rake and Mrs. Wadley's
clothesline props he did not see why he
should not ask to be allowed to use it
for IL minutes. he thought this all
over as the train whirled him north
ward to his suburban home and i'm
agined himself astonishing Mrs. Wad-
ley.
II think 1t is about time we did some
thing with it," said Mrs. Wadley when
her husband asked where in the base
ment she had put that screen door. II
don't think you had better try to put
it up yourself, though; do you think
you can?"
II think can manage it all right"
said Wadley. II watched man put
up one as | was coming home, and
thieves, no trick to it at all. j want you
to time me from the minute l start"
Before he started he had to take down
the old door, which had been simply
ruiasa w the last hisvd girl. She WA
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
Queerness Of Men.
a wise child that knows its own father

It's wise child that knows its own father
when it sees him out in company.
1t doesn't take much of man to tell how
a thing ought to be done. The one who goes
and does it deserves the praise.
The man who goes to church may not en-
Joy the sermon, but he generally goes home
with good appetite for his Sunday dinner.
1t is claimed by some people that badness
indicates great brain power, but the makers
of alleged hair restorers keep on getting
rich.-Chicago Times Herald.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14

''Did We liver notice mon from St. Louis.
inquired the janitor philosopher. "Will, X
ye didn't it's worth yer whole. Up tia
boulevard he struts wild hid Elevated Sud.
dinly thor's big commotion an he's lift
ed of his fate by an autymobile. He picks
jackasses; but thot III jackasses are insoide.
Oh, he's bitter lobster. Chicago Evening
News
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
Hanging a Screen Door
VITADLEY was just in time to see

NV ADLE1 was Just In time 10 see
wv the whole thing. He regarded
1t then as special dispensation of Prov
idence in his favor that he had felt inn
PEELED to stop, for there was nothing
particular about the front of the build
ing to attract his attention, unless 1t
was the air of mystery impaired by the
whitewash on the windows. The white
wash itself had been laid on with free,
dashing, circular stroke-evidently not
by the same hand that had scratched
the portrait of the gentleman with the
triangular body, tall hat and indicated
arms and legs upon its surface-but it
was not of itself sufficiently remarkable
to arrest the progress of man who
meant to catch train. The store door
was open, but Wadley saw nothing at
first except the newly stained counter
and shelves and little heap of shavings
on the floor. Perhaps it was the shaw
ings that conveyed an unconscious sug-
gestion to his mind. An unconscious
suggestion had it's effect, after all.
just as he was about to pass on, a
door after him with one hand and car
rying a square and saw in the other.
Then Wadley remembered that he had
a screen door to put up that Saturday
afternoon himself, and he determined
to watch the process.
The man went at it with an air of
easy confidence. He was an elderly man
with a grayish-red goatee. His collar
less shirt showed on its bosom evidence
that he used tobacco. Wadley did not
use tobacco himself, but he had heard
it said that it was soothing to the
nerves and thought that possibly it &C
counted for the mans imperturbable
expression, which was really notice
able. The first thing the man did after
laying down his tools and absolutely
confirming the mute witness of his
shirt was to pull out fat silver watch
attached to massive but coppery chain
and look at it. Wadley instinctively did
the same and saw that it was eight min
utes past ~. He concluded that the
blotchy artisan would not begin his
job, but would go to his dinner, and he
felt sorry that he had stopped.
He was mistaken in this. The man
laid his square lengthwise and across
the door opening, and then, producing
u fiat pencil from the rear pocket of his
slack trousers, measured the screen
door and made two rapid marks, and
then drew a line along the edge of the
square across the top. He dragged the
door back into the store and Wadley
heard the quick rasping of his saw fol
a moment, then the "creesh, creesh" OF
q plane, and the man came out
slammed the door into the appointed
place and it fitted to hairs breadth.
The spring hinges were already on
the door. All that remained was t.
screw them to the casing. The carpen
ter had the screws in his mouth, from
which he extracted them one at time
tapped them lightly into place and
twisted them down to their heads with
half dozen quick turns of his supple
wrist to each. Then he pulled the dool
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14
Animal Lore.

"Uncurl yourself and fghtl" yelled
the catamount. "You have no backbone
at all"
"Mebbe haven't" came a muffled
reply from the rolled up porcupine.
"but ! have spines to throw away
Indianapolis Journal,
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14

The Husband-But we can't afford to keep
. carriage.
The Wife, know we can't. but want to
show that stuck-up Mrs. Brown that we can
have things we can't afford just as well az
they can.-N. Y. Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-10-14

Some mef are SO deficient in the elements
of success that they would never set the
world on fire even If the world were insured
in their favpr.-Detroit Journal