The Penn's Grove record., 1899-04-07
M OF THE DAY,

HE tells me that he is welded to
his business" "'Yes;-his wife runs
a millinery store. Puck.
Bramble-''Is you brother still
physician on that ocean liner?" Thorne
mo, he got seasick and threw up
his job"
Poet-"All I need is an opening,
SIR. Editor-"What is the matter
with the n you just came through"
Brooklyn Life.
Summer maid? Her origin?
Well, that is largely a matter of doubt.
Possibly she was some mermaid once.
And the syllables got changed about.
Detroit Journal.
"They say all the love-making was
on her part" $50 I've heard. But
hen he supplied the money, you
know."-Philadelphia North Ameri-
cam.
Park Policeman-''Don't you see
that sign, madam? No dogs allowed
at large?'" Lady-'Oh, yes; but my
dog is SO very small, New York
Journal.
Buttons-"Missus told me to come
down and tell you she was not at
home" Huffcut-''Go back and tell
your mistress 1 say I haven't called
Melbourne Weekly Times.
l wish all the money I've fooilshly spent
Would return and my pocket-book store;
What joy and delight | shout know as I
went
To foolishly spend it once more!
Puck.
Watts-"I understand the Chinese
are the most lightly taxed people on
earth" Potts-''You needn't worry
about that. We shall probably c"ivilize
them before long" - Indianapolis
journal.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-'Isn't it a
strange thing, John, that a hen can't
crow" Mr.. Crimsonbeak-"Well, L
take notice that a hen does oil the
growing that's lone in this housel"-
Yonkers Statesman.
81 understand that your friend is
fitting up his room in a strictly artis-
tic manner" 81 guess it must be So"
replied the heavy young man. Every
goes to pieces. Washington Star.
"Do you buy condensed milk,
madam" 81 presume that we must,
but l never thought of it before. Ial-
ways order two quarts and pay for two
quarts, but it never measures more
than three pints. detroit Free
Press.
A New York girl the other night
broke her arm while shaking hands
with her beau. After this she will
probably realize that better results
could be obtained by putting the
same amount of energy into some
other form of salutation. Chicago
Times-H Herald.
MY queenr exclaimed her adorer,
timidly. MAY 1 kiss the royal
hand?" "My faithful subject" re-
piled the young woman, with the air
of one gently Gliding him, "what is
the matter with the royal lips?"-
Chicago Tribune.
Jinks-''That man does not look
very smart, and yet you say he has
made a million" Winks-''Smart?
He's a genius. He's a great inventor"
''You don't say sol What did he in
vent?" He invented an apple-barrel
that holds scarcely anything. New
York Weekly.
"How is your son doing at col
lege?" asked the neighbor who al
ways liked to be mixed up in every
thing that was going on. 81 think
the at is superfluous," was the re-
ply of the old farmer, whose son
hadn't written home for money in two
months. Chicago Post.
Little Frances-"Papa, my teacher
told me to ask you to tell me some
thing about Victor Hugo. Tomorrow
she wants me to tell the class what
was the most important thing he ever
did" Papa (who pretends to know it
alD-''Victor Hugo founded the HUI
g%onauts--but you tell your teacher
Tn payin' school taxes, and 1 don't
propose to have to do her work.
Chicago News.