Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1899-03-08

to take long walk with him. Sheri-
dan made an excuse of tle weather
saying it was scarcely pleasant enough
for "A walk. An hour later the bore In
iereepted Sheridan as he was about to
escape from the house. II see 1t has
cleared" he said, persistently. why
yes" said the wit, doubtfully; lit has
cleared enough for one. but has 1t
cleared enough for two!'
Dean Pigou says that many clergy
men can not trust themselves TO repeat
the most familiar prayers of the liturgy
from memory, and he tells how Arch
deacon Sinclair Was much put out De
cause he Dean PigouD sat directly be-
hind him at IA public meeting. The
dean was puzzled, but understood all
when the archdeaeon removed his nat
and knelt to pray. In the crown of his
hat was printed in large type, "Prevent
lis, o Lord" etc.
4 Scotch professor was advocating
the advantages of athletic exercise.
.fhe Roman youths" he declared,
FUSED to swim three times across the
Tiber before breakfast" Observing Il
smile on the face of one of his students,
the professor demanded: "AIr. Meal
lister. why do you smile? We shall be
glad to share your amusement Il
was just thinking SIR" the student re-
piled, that the Roman youths must
have left their clothes on the wrong
bank at the end of their SWIM"
The wife of dynamo-tender in Pitts
burg went to a haberdasher's recently
to buy necktie for her husband. She
selected brilliant red one, ready
made, whereupon the salesman, with
compassion for the future owner, was
moved to remark: Excuse me, ma am.
Is this tie for your husband?' ut is"
replied the woman. Don't you think
he would rather have some other color?
I'm afraid he won't wear this red tie"
"Oh, yes, he WILL" said the woman,
firmly, "he'll have to-hes dead"
Some "crank" has been writing to the
Gloucester, England, papers, complain
Ing that during the festival he was not
admitted to the cathedral free, that be-
ing a place of worship. The "crank'
turned up at the cathedral one day, and
was told he could not be admitted with
out ticket. do you mean to tell me-
he excitedly argued that l shall re-
quire ticket to enter the kingdom of
heaven?' "Well. no." explained the
polite steward, but you won't hear
Mime. Albani in heaven And then.
when the enormity of his remark
dawned upon him, that steward turned
and fled.
A small Scotch boy was once sum-
moned to give evidence against his
father, who was accused of making Il
disturbance in the streets. Said the
bailie to him: Come, my wee man,
speak the truth, an let us hear all we
ken about this affair." ''Weel, sir
said the lad. dye ken Inverness
street, Il do, laddie,' replied the
magistrate. 'Weel, We gang along it
and turn into the square, and cross the
square" Yes, yes" said the bailie,
encouragingly. And when ye gang
across the square We turn to the right
and up the High street, and keep up
High street till We come to a pump"
quite right, my lad; proceed said the
magistrate; 81 know the old pump
we'll" ''Weel," said the boy, with the
most infantile simplicity, Eye may gang
and pump it, for ven no pump me-
Victor Smith, appointed collector of
customs at Port Townsend, Washing
ton Territory, by Secretary Chase, sue
eeeded in inducing the government to
move the custom-house from that point
TO Port Angeles, where he maintained
himself for time in semi-barbarlc
proprietorship. He once invited the
officers of the revenue cutter Shubrick
to dine at his house; and the officers ar
rayed themselves in full dress, and
went ashore in state to wait upon Col
lector Smith at his mansion, which was
then In an unfinished condition. In
due course of time the collector, assist
ed by his wife, brought out two car
penter's saw-horses, on which was
placed board covered with wrapping
paper. The repast was then set forth;
Smith, taking from his pockets three
big apples, gave one to each of the
three officers, with a small forked stick,
remarking: You'll have to roast your
own apple"
Mark Twain, in his account of the
German language, tells how the intel
lgent German plunges into sea of
verbiage and somes~up on the other
side like dog, with his verb In his
mouth The same idea is illustrated
in a story, told in the Century, of a
lady who once listened. through the aid
of an interpreter, to a speech made by
Bismarck. All went we'll for time,
as the low voice of the painstaking
translator rendered with some adeQua-
cy the thought of Bismarck Then
there We're short pauses, followed by
rapid little summaries of what had
been said. As these grew more and
more frequent the lady became irri-