Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1899-08-24
PLAYED WAR GAME.
HOW THE BIG MAN FLEEcED THE
SUBSTITUTE BROKERS.

iva 800
Reaped n Rich Harvest While the
Opportunity Lasted.
During the civil war in what was
then a pretty village of Michigan and
has since become q city without losing
any of its beauty lived a strapping six
footer who looked as hard as nails,
dressed well, talked smoothly and was
set up like q soldier. He had no means
of support visible 10 the naked eye in
the village which he called home. but
he would make occasional trips from
which he returned with plenty of
money and a fund Of interesting talk
about some section of the north. The
people thought him q mystery. but he
was q pleasant one, and curiosity never
went further than to ask ingenious ques-
tions that were just as ingeniously par
ried. After his harvest Was at an end
the mystery explained himself without
reserve, and no one expressed serious
disapproval of the way in which his
wits had won him his money.
ut was q simple case of diamond cut
diamond, he laughed. i've been TAX
ing fieeces from the fellow that went
out to shear. I'm not an Apollo Belve-
deere, Diomedes or Samson in appear
ance. hut / pass in a crowd as a fine
specimen of physical development. The
truth is that I'm a whited sepulcher. !
was born with a defective heart and
would not take three minutes of real
violent exercise for all tine money you
could load on a freight train. take
things easy all along the line, and the
engine keeps pumping mp 70 require
ments.
when l oouId see the end of what
property was left me, and it was not far
away, / cast about for some light work
to do ard concluded to deal with the
substitute brokers. There was no chance
of meeting the required medical exam
nations, so i took another tack. When
ever visited u place in my business.
I'd manage incidentally to fall in with
the broker. I'm better than q raw hand
as a %jollier, and I'd soon have some
mutual friends as innocent parties liz
the play.
when it came in naturally, I'd
chaff the broker about his business and
ask what kind of q soldier I'd make
He would either jump open mouthed at
the proposition or chat back under an
impression that / would never think of
going TO war. In either case it would
usually come to some kind of a PROPOSE
tion from the broker. Then the other
fellows would guy me, intimate that /
was a buffer and wonder how | was to
get out of the thing without a clear
funk.
Here's where my fine work came in.
I'd demand a retainer, and I'd put it
high enough just to maks the broker
think that ! was trying TO escape him.
If he would pay me a specified sum
down, ] would agree 10 appear at the
recruiting office the next day and offer
my services. but / gave notice that /
assumed no chances. If they would not
have me, the broker must stand the
loss The idea of my heiEs rejected al
rays raised a laugh and only tended, =.
confirm the broker in the belief that |
was trying 10 escape him. When the
doctor turned Inc down. / went into the
dumps, became nervously timid arCused
the sympathy of those with whom | had
| become acquainted and snapped IN or.
der TO the disgruntled broker 70 keep
clear away from me.
"The best haul | made was In Pitts.
burg. A coal baron there who could not
well enlist and who had not been draft
ed wanted a representative in the ARMY
who would make a name honorable to
that Ct the principal. He was aE<ss a
biz, handsome, intelligent fellow cf
whom he could be proud aid put the
whole matter into the hands of a ssrewd
little broker. ! managed 70 meet him
at the Monongahela House, and ] work
ed around 10 the main subject in the
manne / have described, but ! could
see that he was sharp and did not like
70 run any chances.
while he went TO dinner, after
which we were to resume our talk,
went cut and had a short conference
with a huge truckman. When / again
met the broker, that trucFman insisted
o jotherins us and, after showing a
RASkSA - EatAShSNr = hsLa
hail way across tine once. anu ne went
limping out, while all observers grew
wide eyed in their wonder, did MOI
exert enough strength TO throw a half
grown boy five feet. but the truckman
knew his business. and was paid $50 for
attending to It,
"That apparently cool courage and
gigantic strength removed all doub,
from the miAd of the broker. l wa the
man be wanted, and he wanted me
badly. l stuck ont till got -, 600 Al
. retainer and then was rejected. ]
felt like giving the money back when
the millionaire came around 20 ccauols
with me and tell how disappointed hs
was in not having M for q substitute,
but / didn's Ii would have teen an ad'
mission that i was not in n legitimate
line Of business "-DetrAt Free Press
M " -