Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-01-15
CURI0SITY'S. BUMP.

More or Less Developed on All Man
kind
Here Cuick!" shouted The anxious
| passenger in the blue suit. who had
dropped his valise into the water while
hurrylng ashore at one of the smart
upper Mississippi river towns, where
the steamboat was making a landing.
Here, quick, somebody" he repeat
ed. III give any one a dollar that
will fish that up for met | wouldn't
lose it for $20,"
A boy Of the genus wharf rat, attired
in a shirt pair of trousers, one sus-
pender and a straw hat with half the
brim gone, instantly responded. and
after one or two dives succeeded in
| bringing the lost valise to the surface.
Thanks, my boy, thanks!" fsrvently
exclaimed the traveller, graspng his
property, helping the urchin up on tho
gang plank and giving him the prom
ised reward.
The owner of the valise stepped
ashore. and as the interested bystand-
ers gathered about him he raised his
voice and said
When you know what's in a this
satchel, gentlmen, you will not wonder
| didn't want to lose it,"
Here he opened it, took out pack
age, carefully removed the wet wrap
pings from it and brought to light
small bottle.
Il see it is entirely uninjured." he
proceeded. 1T is only natural. gentle-
men. that you should feel some cur
iosity about this 1t affords me plea
sure to crafty that curiosity. This,
gentlemen. is a bottle of celebrated
headache annihilator. for the formula
OF which | have refused an offer OF
100000 in cash. for the reason, gentle
men, that it's worth a million.
"A headache simply cant exist In the
same neighborhood as this remedy. Is
there man or boy in the sound OF my
voice who does not suffer at times from
that most distressing of malades a
raging headache? If there be such,
gentlemen. as the poet says, GO mark
him well. because II isn't hard to tell
why he is free from aches and pains
he simply hasn't any brains. In order
that a man may have a headache a. Is
absolutely necessary there should be
something inside the head to ache. |
see by the intelligent countenances
about me that | am speaking 10 persons
who are likely to have headaches, and
who, in point of fact, do have them.
Now the purpose of this remedy rs
to remove that ache by acting imme-
diately on the seat of the trouble-the
brain. This medicine. gentlemen. flies
at once to the brain. II was invented
and prepared by a man of brains It is
the product of brains. by brains. and
for brains. to the end that people OF
brains should not perish from the earth
as the great president who sprang from
the people himself once so happily re-
marked. Headache annihilator, my
fellow-citizens. is absolutely guaran-
teed to cure any and every case Of head
ache when taken according to direc-
tions. Inside this valise there are six
dozen bottles of my unequalled remedy,
no more, no less, and when they are
gone there won't be any more for this
community to-day. / promise you that.
Ordinarily / sell the celebrated an
nihilator for 81 a bottle, but for the
purpose of arousing the people Of this
town to the merits Of my remedy ! am
going to put the price right down, for
this time only, TO Is cents a bottle.
When I come here again you'll pay
more than six times as much. Who
wants a bottle? Thanks. Who takes
another? Thank you, sir. One at a
time, gentlemen one at a time"
Fifteen minutes later he went up
town with an empty yalise and a pocket
bulging with silver coins.
A day or two afterward It was learn
ed that similar accident, followed by
a similarly brisk trade in the celebrated
headache annihilator, had happened to
that enterprising traveller at more than
a dozen towns along the riyer.-Chi-
cago Tribune.