The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1899-12-06

colf with a friend recently, says the San
Francisco Argonaut. When he drove
from the third teeing ground, he sliced
the tail badly and sent it away to one
side. It stopped in front of Il grazing
cow and Tufts came up just in time tC
see it disappear into the bovine mouth
When his opponent had made his stroke
Tufts untethered the cow and, with
many sounding thwacks of his club,
drove the beast to the third hole. There
he made her disSorge the ball, and neatly
holing it, announced that he had made
calmly finished the hole in seven and
claimed the hole. But | made it in two, =
protested Tufts, gleefully mo, you
didn't" declared the other; you made ii
in thirty-nine You hit that cow thirty
seven times, for l counted every stroke
and Tufts conceded the hole.
Scene on an Arlington electric:
Personae: Small boy. Portly lady.
s. E. Partially soto vOce)-.'Gee! that
woman must have swallowed yeast
cake
7. l.. (overhearing) Yes, my boy, and
if your mother had taken a yeast cake,
you would have been better bredr-Bos
ton Transcript.
She sailed into the telegraph office
raped on the counter, says Golfers
Weekly. The clerk remembered that she
had been there about ten minutes before
as he came. forward to meet her. He
wondered what she wanted this time
Oh she said, ''let me have that tele
gram | wrote just now. / forgot some
thing very important. l wanted to un
derScore the words perfectly lovely in
acknowledging the receipt of that brace
let. Will it cost anything extra p
mo, ma'am,' said the clerk, as he
handed her the message.
The young lady drew two heavy lines
beneath the words, and said:
Its awfully good Of you to let me dc
that. 1t will please Charley so much.''
Don't mention it, said the clerk. III
you would like it | will drop a few drops
of nice violet extract on the telegram at
the same rates.
"Oh. thank you, sir You don't know
ing to send all my kilograms through this
office, you are so obliging."
And the smile she gave him would have
done anyone good with the possible eX-
ception of Charley.
Too Easy-Mr Newlywed, explaining
poker)-"Now, if you get poor hand
you want to bluff, and ii you get a good
hand you want to make bluff that
you're bluffing. Now, there are two ways
of bluffing; one is to bluff, the other is
not to bluff. If you're a regular buffer
you can often bluff by not bluffiing, and
- Mrs. Newlywed-"I see, John; but
that game is too easy! Let's play fiddle
e-winksr'-Puck.
AS a back-handed slap at a weli-known
member of Congress who is too fond of
looking upon the wine when it is ami
lined, Chauncey Depew tells this anec-
dote in the Pittsburg Dispatch:
THE member of Congress was being
shaved by an aged colored barber in
Washington. The shop was a favorite
one with the prominent men of the CAPT
tal and the old darky who presided over
it often boosted that he had shaved ev-
cry great statesman since the Madison
administration, which may or may not
have been true. The member of Con-
gress referred to was being shaved by
the veteran one day. when he said to
the latter:
''Uncle, you must have shaved many
famous menu
oh, yes sab; has indeed
And great many Of those famous
personages must have sat in this very
chair where | am sitting. eh?'
OATS right. sab. Dey's set jes
whar yo' is a settin' dis moment, sab.
Yes, sab. An Use ies' been a noticin'
a mighty GURUS similarity between yo'
and Daniel Webster, sah'
You don't sayr exclaimed the high
lly-delighted lawmaker. Is the similar
ity in the shape of my head, uncle?'
oh. no, sab. 'Tain't dat
is it my manner?
No. boss. faint yore manner, mud
der; hits yore breff.'"
Mathematician you give me some
thing to eat, sir-Im half starved"
Philosopher-"How long has it taken
you to become half-starved?
Mendicant-"A week, SIR
ilosopher-'.Well, you ought to be
satisfied, man; at that rate it will be
another week before you are entirely
starved. Brace up."-Ohio State Jour
nal.
A middleaged gentleman who has been
looking over his old school examination
papers writes to the academy expressing
his chagrin at the discovery of the fact
that he knows less than he did years ago,
says the Buffalo Commercial 81 knew
some things then. Arithmetic, for ex-
ample. Today [ am at the mercy of any
waiter who brings me change; at book
ing offices l keep vast crowds waiting
and missing their trains while | do labo-
rlOuS subtraction sums in my head: but
at school what a hand / was at figures.
Look at this:
Three graziers, A, B and c; rent a
piece of pasture land for a month. A
puts on q cattle for p days, B 10 for
"A days, and G % for % days If at the
end Of the month the rent and other
charges amount to $33 5s 1Od., how
much of this ought to be paid by eachy
Il could do that in 1884. [ couldn't do
it now. | have no idea where to begin.
1t may be easy, but the point is that |
have lost the key There used to be a
jugglery with x, and l could manage it.
Now that | pay income tax, and have
statements of account from my publisher
every half year, | can manage it no
longer. And | seem to have known zool-
ogy, too. Zoology! | seem to have been
able to describe and draw diagrams of
the heart and principal blood vessels of
the crayfish. Once-Good heavens
once l was well-informed boy. Today
| don't see how | should pass the third
class college of preceptors."
ynv .rJ,