Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1899-07-26

Were you on the firing line during
the war; Yes; l was one OF the
cooks. ."-Yonkers Statesman.
She-"Do you believe the bowling Of
dog is always followed by DEATH?
He-"No: not always. Sometimes the
man who shoots at the dog Is u poor
marksman. Chicago News.
Ned--"I ran across very pretty girl
this morning. Ted-"Dld she firt
with youY" Ned-"No: after she re-
gained consciousness she had me ar
rested for scorehing. Exchange.
Fortune -teller-"Your future hus-
band will be tall. have dark complex.
lon and be very wealthy" The Caller
Now, tell me another thing; how
can | get rid of my present husbandr
| -Tit-Bits.
Chappie-"Averted tewibble twagedy
just now" Chollie-"No! Howf'
Chappie-"Man said he would pound
me to mince-m meat IL did not give him
half crown, and l gave him half
crown" Tit Bits
whats the matter, old man?" "Oh,
I've just had a quarrel with my WIFE"
"Well, forget and forgive" II never
can forgive her; you see, l was In the
wrong" "Then in that case, demand
an apology. Harlem Life.
The Mistress Bridget, don't think
II looks well for you to entertain com
pany In the kitchen the way you do"
The Cook-'Thanks, mum, but l
wouldn't want t take i'm int tn
parlr; he spits t'baccy. Philadelphia
Bulletin.
"She Is Americas greatest actress"
said Mrs. Tenspot, speaking OF
tragedienne whose name came up In
conversation. Indeed! Who says
so?' asked Mr.. Tenspot ''rhe man
who makes the pills that cured her Of
indigestion. Puck.
What. butter and jam! Why, Ethel,
my child. we'd soon be In the work.
house at that ratev' 1.-THE workhouse!
Why, mother, Uncle Bob says butter
and jams economy" ECONOMY!
How" "Oh, the same piece of bread
does for both Boston Traveller.
Now, boys" said the teacher Of the
juvenile class. "who can tell me what
the dark ages Of the world were!'
Il can. sir" answered a little fellow
ut the foot of the class. VERY we'll;
what were they!" asked the teacher.
''The ages before spectacles We're in-
vented" was the reply.
Hardacre--"Zeke answered an ad-
yertisement whar they said they'd
send him church organ for dollar"
Crawfoot-"What did he get?' Hard
acre-"A sample copy of the New
Light marked: This is the best church
organ hed.'-Chicago News.
Hicks-"Barry made bet that every
person who came by his fence would
touch it. and he Won" Wicks-"Non-
sense! How did it hnppen" Hicks
''He merely stuck up the sign Paint
and of course everybody considered
himself called upon to feel Of the
fence."-Boston Transcript.
Remember one thing l am about to
tell you," said the successful man to
the ambitious young man. ut Is a
rule that is we'll worth remembering"
what is it, sirT "Neyer do anything
that your conscience will reproach you
for. Hire somebody else TO do it,
Melbourne Weekly Times.
He (as they are seated in quiet nook
near the links)-"Are you quite sure
we never met before this season?"
She-"Yes; quite positive" He-"And
you haven't sisterW She-"No; why
do you ask" He-"Well,. Pm positive
l hugged that shlrtwalst before, some
where "-Yonkers Statesman.
Father-"Well, my son, what do you
intend TO do for living now that you
have finished your college course?"
Son-"I think shall take up literature
as profession" Father-"You should
have thought of that before you en-
tered college. Then should have sent
you to West Point or Annapolis" New
York Evening Journal.
Bridget (reading laboriously)-"He
you seen this, Pat? 1t seq here that
whin mon loses wan av his sinses, his
other slnses get more develyuped. FIR
instans, 4 blind mon gets more slnse
av hearin', an touch, an" Pat
"Shure, an it's quite thrue; Owe no.
iced it meself. Whin a mon has wan
leg shorter than the other, begorra, the
other legs longer. isn't 1t, nowT'-Ex-
change.
A cyclist who stopped at n village inn
boasted about his abilities as a rider
to such an extent that the landlord ven
tured to make wager with him.
Look here, minister" said the inn
keeper, you can't ride up and down
this road till the church clock strikes
four" "Done!" said the cyclist. Its
Just three-fifteen now" and the next
| minute he was speeding down the road.
After about an hours riding the cyclist
shouted to one OF the bystanders. Of
whom many had assembled: II say,
. Qkl