Mesa free press., 1899-05-26

swat duz yer nanny give yer when
yer kitches cold, JimmieT "a lick
n'."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
/ Telephone girls ought to make good
wives" "Why?" '"They get in the habit
of not speaking unless they are spoken
| to-"
She-"What Is meant by the saying
that man Is convalescingw He
''That he has outwitted his doctor,
uppose."lTopeka Capital.
"The single-scull racep' exclaimed an
old lady, as she laid down the paper.
'My gracious! didn't know there was
race Of men with double sculls!'
| Baggs-"It Is said that Dame For
tune knocks once at every mans door,"
Jaggs-"Well, it was her daughter, Miss
Fortune, who called on e."-B0st0n
Traveller.
McLuberty-Opd loike to take trip
around the wurruld. Mrs. McLubberty
Sure, thot wud be foine! McLubberty
-Yis; but t'ink av the cost av gittin'
home ag'in!-Puck.
"What is firmness, father?" "Firm-
ness, my boy, is obstinacy In our
| selves" "And what Is obStinacyp
"Obstinacy is firmness In somebody
else. Chicago Evening Post.
Osmond-"Well, thank heaven, you
have never seen me run after people
who have money" Desmond-"No;
but I've seen people run after you be-
cause you didn't have mOney."-Life.
81 had supposed, until yesterday,
doctor, that the days Of the bleeding Of
patients were past" and so they are.
But what changed your mind?' 1.-THE
bill you sent me."-Harper's Weekly.
Maud-.I. think 1t perfectly disgrace
full! Her fiance hadn't been dead six
weeks when she married the other
man." MabelI"But you know her
trousseau would have soon gone out Of
fashion. Bazaar.
"YOu ought, like us, to have holidays
in honor of your great men," said the
Russian beauty. But in the American
year." said the major, there are only
three hundred and sixty-fve days
Philadelphia Press.
She-"Do you know there's something
about you which reminds me Of Ger
vera's feet while 1t was bottled up at
SantiagoY He-'Indeed! What is it?"
She-"Your mustache. It's such long
time in coming out. Chicago News.
Old Lady-.Now, porter, you're quite
sure you've put all my luggage in?-
the big portmanteau and" Porter
"An right. num-" Old Lady-"And
you're certain I've not left anything be-
hindu" Porter-"No, mum, not even a
copper."-Tit Bits.
Bridget-"There's a man In the par
lor wants to see you, sir" Mr.. Ardup
-"In be there in minute. Ask him
to take chair" Bridget-"Sure, sir,
he says he's going to take all the furni-
ture. He's from the installment COM
pany."-Brooklyn Life.
Patent medicine proprietor-Hereaf-
ter all testimonials must be accompan-
led by orders for at least half dozen
bottles Of medicine. Clerk-Yes, sir.
Patent medicine proprietor-If these
people want to see their names in print
they ought to pay for it.-Puck.
"What did Colonel Stilwell say about
the branded peaches we sent to, cheer
his convalescenceY "He said he was
afraid he wasn't strong enough to eat
the fruit" replied the little girl, "but
that he appreciated the spirit in which
1t was sent. Washington Star.
Mr.. Wigsby-See here, my love, there
is some mistake; the baggage delivery
man has left seven trunks on our front
porch. Mrs. Wigsby (who has just re-
turned from the mountains)-Imbecile!
Don't you understand? He's coming
back after dark for the extra five.-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Wife with a determined air)-I want
to see that letter. Husband-What let
ter? Wife-That one you just opened.
I know by the handwriting it Is from
woman, and yeu turned pale when
you read it. will see it, sir! Give it
to me. sir! Husband-Here it Is. It's
your milliner's bill.-Tit-Bits.
"You think this man had been drink
ing" said the cross-examining attor-
ney; sdid he appear to have more than
he could carry" "I'll not say that" re-
piled the cautious witness; ''but / do
think that he would have been wiser to
have gone twice after it."-Detroit Free
Press.
Uncle Ito nephew playing the game
of war with a companion Of his own
| age)-If you take the fortress within
a quarter of an hour I'll give you
dime. Youngster "a minute later)-Un-
Gle, the fortress is taken; now let me
have the dime. Uncle-How did you
manage it so quickly? Youngster-I
offered the besieged nickel and they
| capitulated.
Fashionable lady member of parish
| church Ito poor old woman)-"We have
got a fine new organ now into our
| ,L cod II will no n1avnd tho first