The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-04-02
FUNNY THINGS
THAT REALLY HAPPENED
A Street Car Ride From Boston tt
Cambridge.


Cambridge
Come on, Belle I cried, the blaze of
generosity lighting my noble countenance.
I'VE have five minutes before the car
comes, and I'll treat to an ice cream
soda"
My companion gave me a look of the
sincerest admiration, in which was
faint glimmer of astonishment, and we
ordered two vanillas."
1 opened my purse for the necessary
change. and found just 20 cents.
Dear me" | whispered to myself. We
must ride home. How stupid of mel What
was to be done? Belle, you will have
to pay my fare home"
Belle looked anything but delighted.
Gracious" she said, Il was depending
on you. l haven't a farthiug left
This was indeed a delightful piece of
news.
Well" 1 said, 'Iet US enjoy our soda.
and trust to luck for what comes after.3
L wonder why girls will laugh on Sc
rious occasions. l have often wondered
why, and the more [ wonder the less
reach a conclusion. Echo answers, why?
And so we did just exactly what other
girls would have done under the same
circumstances-we laughed. 1t was that
kind of laugh best defined as a success
sion OF movement; in fact, a close OBJ
server might have imagined that we
were personified earthquakes
4sIV eq4 81 sIql,, 'eued pedseS ..'6ueeH,,
pickle ever got lnto-ordinariiy Inc
pickle gets into me. Please pass me one
of those spoons"
With a shaking hand I lifted the spoon
holder. Alas. it had no bottom Two
dozen solid streaks of light shot through
the air and fell with five dozen clear ring
ing sounds on the floor. OF course this
occurrence added greatly to the -sOlemnity
of the scene. Belle sank faint and breath
less on q chair; l leaned YEARLY against
wall fOIIQt a m % cr3V I1pI
fiendish yells as he picked UP the spoons
that the clock threw its hands in front of
it's face and then stood still for very hor-
TOR
Here comes Ihe carl School thy feel
ing. oh. my sister, and hurry up. Say,
is my face red?,'
Not in the least, | answered, scanning
her physiognomy, which just then most
resembled a bit of Turkey-red calico.
You look perfectly cool and collected.
If you don't hurry, we will miss that
car" We made dash forward and We're
soon seated.
Belle searched her commodious hand
bag and discovered a Scent piece and two
1-cent pieces. Then she dived into her
coat pocket and brought out two more
pennies. into her dress pocket two, Lo,
another made its appearance.
well, here are cents. Look again
in your purse, you may have something. -
Vain hope, my dear Belle, l haven't a
penny"
of paper. See what 1t Is.
1 unrolled the small package and there
was a penny. The paper read, In mem
DRY OF July md
Eureka cried Belle. Hand over that
tombStonei"
we went to Plymouth. Belle, you have
weeds, sticks and boulderS innumerable,
do let me keep my one penny. Here's a
postage stamp instead.
1T won't do This is a good cause and
that penny must be sacrificed. On, mercyl
Mr.. Lowe! He's going to get on the carl!
We gazed at each other with a look of in
expressible CONSERVATION. but smiled on
belle" whispered, pressing the
souvenir coin and the 2-cent stamp into
her, "use your persuasive powers on the
conductor. He is fat, and fat people are
always good-natured, you know III try
to keep Mr.. Lowe from looking at you
The conductor approached, with a
politeness born only of month resi-
dence in that cultivated region, turned my
back completely on Belle and placed my
elbow on the back of the seat in font ut
me
We were now on the Lridge. The water
lay still, deep, and dark. The buildings
on the harbor's edge stood calm and
stately. The windows. bright with the
smile of the sun, shone like jewels. The
reflection in the water was indeed beauti-
Look. Mr. Lowe, the mermaids are
going to have a ban tonight. The palace
| is lighted already.
The gentleman turned his smiling glance
| toward the water. L hastLar looked over
my shoulder. The conductor was smil-
! ingi
With a sigh of relief 1 sat up properly.
Belle Joined in the conversation. giving
us a vivid description of what a mer-
maids ball would be.
II should like to attend one very much -
! she said, for L really do not understand
how they can put ,neir trains over their
arms while they dance. You see, as they
hxNy
Probably they would not make clothes
! lines of their arms, suggested Mr.. Lowe
but would let their trains remain on the
! floor"
Couldn't possibly do it," replied oelle
Don't you remember the dress ball we
had last January? | was Amy Robsart
| and my train was the principal part OF
me. felt very proud of that train until
| Bob Williams-he was Sir Philip Sidney
! stepped on it. Marion Smith, who was
! sitting with the spectators, said thai
! that was the only way Belle could catch
/ a man 1ll-bred creaturel During the
rest of that evening my train was over
my arm"
Soon Mr.. Lowe left the car, two blocks
| farther brought us to the station. Before
! jumping off we thanked the conductor fol
I his kindness to us.
'Oh. never mind that" ne said" Blu
| next time bring something besides post
! he laughinsly helped us down anC
actually raised his cap. We watched the
| car turn the curve, and again the con
| ductor lifted his cap.
Really" said Belle, ut is quite {
romance Two fair 1--WE are both blonde
you know damsels in distress, thi
! rescuer a 200-pound street car conductor
1t was all your fault. anyway. If you haC
possessed the least presence of mind
/ you'd have ordered that boy to take the
| ice cream out again. Dear me. what
! pleasant conductor that was. So polite
| And do you know, he gave me back you
I souvenir because had given him a cen
| too much. Whereas. some people say thai
| the street car conductor is a genera
| nuisance, be It herein resolved that we
| the undersigned, do refute the charge
| and hereafter duly recognize the afore
| said party. irrespective of age, sex, Of
color. as the champion of the weak, the
! defender of the innocent, the benefactol
| of the penniless, the-er-er-er. Rise, Sil
| Motorus Trolleii, Guardian of the Fair?
Farei