Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1899-03-30
MIR. AND MRS. BINE.

There is probably no better natured
husband in the world than I. I say this
in no boasting spirit, but merely to re.
itelate a fact that my wife would have
realized long ago if it had been her
misfortune to have married some other
man. In our quiet little n%eighborhood
on the south side there is no phrase
that better conveys the ultimate of
ch%eerfulness than the one that is in con
slant use, "As good natured az Mr..
Bine." Now, l repeat, this reference to
my we'll known and most admired char
acteristio is not made in a spirit of self
exultation, for I am about to chronicle
its downfall-temporary downfall, I
hasten to add and also to remark that
perhaps my wife is more to blame in
the matter than / am.
l have heard that several persons
have wondered how I manage to get
along SO nicely with Constance. Well,
perhaps I do deserve a great deal Of
credit, though I should be the last per-
son in the world to assert this. 1t
would not be unfair to myself to state
that Constance, though she admits she
is only 80 years old, does not look a day
over 20, and she still retains the major
portion Of the piquant attractiveness
that made her a belle in her young lady
days and won me at first sight. So,
after all, it may be true that I am very
lenient toward her because she is still
very pretty and still reminds me Of her
bride self. A great many persons, SO
Constance has told me, say that she is
smarter than I am. I won't deny this.
She reads the daily papers, mean
even reads outside the society page
while I can't get away from the markets
and politics. She knows where Dali
quiri and Siboney are, and that the
Philippines are composed of 1,400 is.
lands inhabited by s, 900, 900 natives Of
all sorts, sizes, classes and varieties,
but this information does not get Alice
a new frock or buy Joseph a pair Of
shoes sufficiently large to I'VE an as
sortment of badly damaged vacation
toes.
However, this story Of how I was
surprised into an expression of annoy
ance-perhaps I should say irritation
is what I wish to tell, that the truth of
it may be known. Constance says I dis
played anger, but then she is a great
tease. 1t was midnight to the stroke Of
the courthouse clock. Then they began:
Meeeeeeeee : ow -o-o-w-o-o-wow-miaou !!
Szzzskkkkkkkkk eeeeeee : miaou- riaou-
rrrrrr- purrrrr! WowNl Wow!l Wow!i
WOW! Wowl
My hair, in standing on ends, had
pulled me to a sitting posture. 1t took
several minutes to catch my breath. I
am sure if l had not been an expert
diver when l was a boy, l would have
expired now of suffocation. Then came
again that horrible interchange of dis
sonanoe It is needless to repeat the
suggestions that are used to indicate
the sputterings and ear scalding feline
anathemas. The noise seemed to come
from under the bed; in reality the
wretohes were just out Of throwing dis
lance. I glanced at Constance. She lay
quietly sleeping, looking not unlike a
reposing queen with her aureole Of curl
papers. Again came those scarifying
screeches. How Constance can sleep!
She slowly turned half over, and still
not awake, touched me and managed to
murmur, "Stop snoring, Mr.. Bine."
Really, that must have been the first
thing that influenced me in The direc-
ton Of losing my temper. Stop snoring!
As if / ever snored. And it was not the
first time Constance had accused me Of
snoring. ! can take a joke as we'll as
any one, but when. Constance accuses
me Of such undignified proceedings I
confess it does not move me to g%eniali-
~. Then the cats began again, and
Constance, awakening to the situation,
sat up and stammered out feebly,
"Shoo." Then she turned to me and
said, sleepily:
"For goodness sake, go to sleep.
Don't let a little noise like that worry
you"
She instantly followed her W ad-
vice, and I ray say here positively that
If I do snora l have 10 reaso to feel
lonesome. / crept softly out Of bed and
after searching vainly for an empty bot
tie poured the remainder of my cold
Cabinet" into a glass, corked the flask
and fired it in a direction from which
the disturbing sounds seemed to come.
When that bottle struck the ground, it
exploded like a torpedo, and I would
not have been surprised if I had sunk
part Of the street. Constance was awake
again instantly. She reached her hand
out and discovered I was gone and then
moaned out, "Oh, Mr.. Biner"
! explained what it was, and she
wanted to know where I got an empty
bottle. I told her. She said it was just
an excuse to take q toddy, and-well, I
like for Constance to be right occasion.
ally. Constance was wide awake, tho
cats had fled, and was just about to
30 back to sleep.
"Sh-hh-hh-hhl" whispered Con-
stance, grasping my arm in an agitated
fashion.
"Boshi'' said I. CONSTANCE, the cats
have gone" ! suppose shouldn't have
said ''Bosh !" In the tone ! did.
"It's not the cats" whispered Con.
stance. Listen p
I could hear nothing.
"In the corner soft pedaled Con-
stance.
well. 1t doesn't worry me-" ! said.
Motics for Publication.