The record-union., 1899-09-24

not only creatures OF our n6IGuity, pue
we are largely creatures of our sur
roundings and environment. If you, as
parents, are filled with harshness ana
severity, with injustice and an unrea-
sonable spirit, if you are unloving and
unsympathetic, irritable and exacting.
and you keep us during all the years
of our child life in this atmosphere,
what can you, what must you expect!
Is it fair to ask US to be better than
our surroundings? Is it reasonable to
expect us to rise above the conditions
in which you, as parents, have kept
US?
We often see you point to the chill
dren of others and, in comparing them
with your own, deplore the lack of pa
rental love and respect, or filial obedi-
ence and devotion ON the part of your
offspring. But have you ever stopped
to inquire what it has cost the parents,
whom you envy, to rear their children
The hours, months and years that you
were devoting to your comfort OF
pleasure or profit, the parents of these
model children were devoting partly
to their own self-culture, SO that they
might be better fitted to train tneh
young and partly to the rearing OF
their children. These parents devoted
themselves from the early beginning to
planting into the breasts of their chill
dren lessons of love and affection, les
sons of kindliness and gentleness, les
sons of morality and modesty, lessons
of truthfulness and obedience, of man
illness and womanliness. They not only
49, 1nxyT
but also by example. Knowing that'
as parents, they must be models lof
their children, they endeayored TO cul-
tivate and to practice the principles OF
love and sympathy, of virtue and CT
righteousness.
When you envy these parents, their
loving and affectionate young, Wnen
you deplore the fact that your chill
dren are wanting in tokens Of parentai
respect and obedience, you seem to 1or-
get that you, in common with these
other parents, are simply reaping the
sort of harvest you have SoWn. You
have been unwilling to pay the price
of intelligent, self devotion, the price
of self sacrificing effort, the price OF
long, patient and careful instruction,
reward.
What right have you to expect some
thing for nothing?
What right have you to expect ideal
children when you have paid the price
only for unworthy children?
If you expect your child to give
himself to you, you must first give
yourself to your child.
.'Tis not true that l do not love my
child I hear one fond parent say. 1
love and caress and fondle him every
opportunity / get; and 1 am sure no
parent could do more, and yet, some
how, he returns very little affectlon,
and comes to me only when he has Il
want he thinks 1 can fill.
OF what avail is all your petting II,
as the result of a trivial transgression,
real or imaginary. you pour out upon
nv childish head the vials of your
wrath and threaten me with all sorts
of dire punishments? Of what avail
is all your caressing if, when, in my
childish troubles, 1 go to you for sym
pathy, you push me aside with the
peevish statement that you have no
time to waste with my foolishness? OF
what avail is all your fondling II,
through childish ignorance or careless
ness. I say or do unwise things, and L
am snarled and snapped at as If my
mistakes were grave and serious
crimes2 Of what avail is all your
boasted parental love, if l feel that
YOUR treatment of me is harsh and un-
fair. and find myself continually
smarting under unjust and despouc,
not to say cruel treatment? can you
not see that a parents duty does not
end in occasionally lavishing upon his
child carresses and displaying show
of fondness?
Instead of concentrating your show
of love and affection in spots, it were
better, for your happiness as parent
and for mine as a child, if you would
distribute it evenly as you would but
ter over bread. 1t were far better, for
parent and child, if you would exercise
patience instead of occasionally
smothering me with kisses. 1t were
far better for both if, instead of more
or less frequent petting, you. would
give me your sympathies and feel an
interest in all my childish troubles
which, trivial as they seem to you, are
often a heavy burden to me. 1t were
far better for our mutual peace of
mind and happiness if, instead of ex-
cessive carresses showered upon me at
emotional moments, you would, at all
times, restrain your temper and your
irritability, and meet my youthful ig-
norance with kindly intelligence, my
childish indiScretions with gentle for
bearance, my thoughtlessness with pa
tient admonition, my innocent careless
ness with firm but gentle correction,
and my youthful disobedience with re-
proof or punishment free from harsh
ness or humiliation.
You would be far more successful in
winning my love and affection if as
parent you would learn to control your
temper and your passions, and, at all
times, remember that you must not ex-
pect the wisdom and experience of age
onsthe shoulders of childhood.
AS a parent, you make the grave mis-
take of expecting to find your child,
from the start perfect in mind, in man
ners and in morals. Any deviation on
his part from your standard of perfec-
tion seems to you a grave and serious
fault and exhausts your patience. How
much wiser for you to assume that
your child does not and for a long
time, cannot understand the philosophy
of mind, morals and manners, and that
/ Ob<n9vanpp his ,4o of