The St. Johns herald., 1899-06-24
EAsAH|d'l5sKZEyg I||

S
 dictionary? l thought you knew how
 to spell. TOmdik-I do. l am not look.
 ing for information, but for corrobora
 tion.-Judge.
 knicker-When I was alone with
 Miss Smith in the parlor proposed.
 told her she was the light of my life
 Bocker-And she Knicker-Oh, she
 went out.-Judge.
 Mrs. Newlyrich Kelly-Hav yez ever
 read Burns, Mrs. Grogan? Mrs. Stillpoor
 Grogan-Faith, and phat color would
 burns be if they wasn't red, Mrs
 Kelly?-Harper's Weekly.
 Hospital Nurse (to mangled victim of
 accidenD-I understand that the der
 rick fell ten stories to the pavement
 Mangled Victim (weakly)-I was under
 that impression.-Widow.
 Bishop Gullem-Yes. indeed; I am
 happy to say our missionary work in
 the Philippines has been most success | full. We recently made angels of two
 thousand of them in a single day. Life.
 Old Farmer-That's a fine lot of pigs over there. What do you feed them? Amateur-Why. corn, of course. Old Farmer-In the ear? Amateur-Cer- tainly not; in the mouth.-Chlcago News.
 Have you an agreeable boarding house" "Yes, we have; every morn ing we have a cake-waik." "Cake-walk? Whats that?" "Why, the first man at the table gets the hot ones. ."-Detroit Free Press.
 Friend-You told me you had joined the Audubon Society; yet your new hat Is trimmed almost entirely with birds and birds plumage. The wearer of the hat-Yes, but you see these birds were all killed before I joined the society.
 Teacher-John, of what are your shoes made? BOy-Of leather, sir. Teacher-Where does- leather come from? BOy-From the hide of the OK Teacher-What animal, then, supplies you with shoes and gives you meat to eat? Boy-My father.
 Seems to me I've seen your face be fore," said the judge, peering through his spectacles. "Yes, your honor. you have" replied the prisoner; T am the professor who gives the young lady next door to you lessons on the piano." "Six yearsP' came from the judge, quickly.
 Mrs. Greenleaf-Those people next door must be from the West. Mr. Greenleaf-Why, Priscilla? Mrs. Green leaf-When our chimney burned out this morning the woman had the auda- city to come and tell me that the house l was on fire, without waiting to be h. troduced.-Chicago News.
 Dude (tO barber)-How much do 1 owe you? Barber-The same as you l usually pay, sir? Dude-I don't take the trouble to remember what you have charged! How much is it? Barber Twenty cents. Dude-Oh, but you have charged me only 15 cents beforeI l -Humoristische Blaetter.
 The Cook -tentering paFlor) - Ah. mam'elle, wud ye moind askin' the pro- | lessor to play the hornpipe over again? The Professor (dellgh ;edly)-Ah! Ze la- dies admire vaire mooch my composee- ton? The COok-It's not that, begorra, but it's such an Elegant chune to chop hash by!-New York Journal.
 Billiken-Whats the matter, Willl- ken? Williken-Matter enough. You know, some time ago assigned all my to my wife, toto keep 1t out of the hands of-of people I owe, you know. "Yes." 'Well, she's taken the and gone off-says she won't live with me because swindled my credit rs."-New York Weekly.
 Sunday-school Teacher (wishing to show how easily George Washington might have falsified)-Now, children. little George didn't know but that he'd be severely whipped by confessing that he had chopped down the cherry-tree. What might he have done in order to keep peace with his father? Patsy Buried the hatchet, mum.-Judge.
 Nephew-You say that when you first got married you started out to keep an account of all your living ex- penses. How long did you keep it up? Uncle Jedediah-Jest one year, Harold. The dinged thing counted up so high that if I'd kept the account another year I wouldn't have had a red cent 
 At last, after many dangers, she had braved the terrOrs of the ChilcoOt Pass and had rejoined her lover on the Klon- like. Are you glad to see me" she asked. "Do you still think am worth my weight in goldY' ''In gOldY' he cried contemptuOusly, as he folded her to his frozen bosom. My darling, you are worth your weight in food" Tit Bits.
 Landlord-Is everything all right about the place? Tenant-Yes; every thing seems to be in pretty good condt- ton. Landlord-Furnace and water 0. K? Tenant-Yes, as far as know. andlord-Um-er do you think of moV- ing? Tenant-No; why? Landlord You haven't asked for any repairs for nearly three weeks now, and l can't it.-Chicago News.
 Counsel-What Is your age, mad me? Witness-FOrty-seven, sir. Coun- or single? Witness-Sin- gle. I never had an offer of marriage in my life, and If 1t is of interest to the court don't mind saying that 1 have worn false hair for nearly thirty years. Counsel-Hem! That is all, madam. There is no use in trying to shake the direct testimony of so truthful a wOm- an as you are.
 Revival of Hys ulic Mining,