Mexico weekly ledger., 1899-01-05
CHAMP GLARKS letter
Secretary Gage Solves the
Philippine Problem.
BEDSTEADS AS OIVILIzERs,
Republican Simplicity as Seen
at Washington.
now THE PUBLIC MONEY Is SPENT.

vice Pre.iaeat nobart's $1,000 lax
stnna1enerson,. words on como
my ForEottes-Defeas OF the Inter-
rastsnnl p.nk San In ths House.
mrclenry nil NAY Reeelve same
Treatment.
Especial washington letter.
The eats out Of the bag. The rat has
escaped from the meal tuh. The Sene-
gamhian protrudes his head from the
wood pile. The milk in the cocoanut has
been discovered. We now know where
We are att and understand our mission
In life. The mist has rolled away, and
Tiers is q huge rent In the clouds which
have snvelnped us "Our manifest des-
tiny is settled at last. Lyman J. Gage
opened his mouth and spoke at Savan-
nah. and since the art Of oratory was
first practiced among men no such "eye
opener" has fallen from human tongue.
Inter ALA, Lyman said;
Me.00000 Of people in southern seas. 80 rude
rs not to use be3steads. or 20 poor a. not 20 b
4 |nAN e UAI ~ NNAH - N
auenes Of civilization bebrUught to desire and
acquire them, by 30 much our problem Is
solved
There il ISL We are 90 maintain .
huge standing army, keep up q navy
equal 10 Great Britain's, grind down
the taxpayers and pile up a great bond
ed debt for the purpose Of inducing
81 900, 900 Of people in southern seas in
to the delectable performance of sleep
ing on bedsteads-a species Of furniture
which their ancestors clear back to
Adam have eschewed. But suppose they
elect to adhere to their primitive, abo-
riginal customs and ~stubhornly, trea-
sonabIy and violently refuse Lyman's
educational theories as to beasteads and
adhere to their hereditary habit Of sleep-
ing on the ground. what then? There is
only n thing left to be done and that
il for President Mckinley to Issue n
akass requiring all the south sea island
ers to provide themselves with bedsteads,
and to lie upon them. and If they still
refuse send the regular army to lasso
them, and when caught forcibly strap
them on to the beds as patients are
strapped to surgeons tables But this
heroic treatment would violate the
Declaration Of Independence, which in
forms us that among mans inalienable
rights Il ''the pursuit of happiness T"
Certainly every man land woman, tool
has the tight to pursue his own happi-
ness in his " way 50 long as he does
not injure or harrass others That much
is clear. Now, it may be srue-perhaps
Is true--that these south sea islanders
whom we are about to purchase from
Spain at 60 per head can extract more
happiness from sleeping IN the ground
than they could on a royal bed with
bedposts 30 feet high, silk curtains,
downy pillows, etc., and l submit that
II they prefer 10 woo Morpheus by nes-
Ting their heather pates on the bosom
Of old Mother Earth that sven the sec.
rotary Of the treasury has no right to
say them may"
Lyman should Tuminate upon the
great truth voiced by a celebrated poet
IN these wordsi "Where ignorance is
bliss. tits folly TO be WISE" Forcing
our newly acquired fellow citizens
acquired at e2 per head-to recline their
supple forms on bedsteads would be only
the beginning Of the curtailment Of their
pursuit Of happiness; for II Lyman
should be permitted TO do that, be might
be emboldened TO compel them to wear
pantaloons and TO cease from the e~cstatic
performance Of eating each other-the
latter being not only their greatest hap
piness, but their most beneficial act.
Surely Lyman would not be so cruel as
that. He might as well think of de-
priying a New Highlander Of his Goldfish
or q Kentuckian Of his morning and even
ing appetizer" Even Lyman could
not gaze unmoved upon the tears-hot,
scalding, burning tears Of rage and de-
spair-gushing from the 16, 900, 900
eyes and down the 1e, 000, 900 cheeks Of
the 5000, 600 south sea isIanders-our
fellow citizens by right Of purchase at
e. each-because he had cut of their
usual diet Of human flesh. l modestly
submit that eve these anthropophagi
have some vested rights which even Ly-
man should respect. among which ara
sleeping on the ground, refusing to wear
trousers and eating each other-Faw,
broiled, boiled, fried or fricasseed.
HObart's InkstanA.
There are inkstands and inkstands.
In one Of the earliest Of these letters /
described Mr.. Attorney General Griggs'
800 plate dinner. That wal the event
Of that season--the culinary marvel Of
all the ages. / am now about 10 en-
balm in cold type, for the benefit Of the
future Sismondi, Tacitus or Macaulay
who shall write the annals four times a
still more wondrous evidence Of the
simplicity Of republican institutions in
the closing days Of the nineteenth cen
fury. Mr.. Vice President Carrot A. Ho-
bart has a 81, 900 inkstand made Of sill
yer and paid for out Of "the contingent
fund Of the senate" II is said to be a
marvellous work Of art--a miniature Of
the capitol.
In the course Of human events many
men have used many sorts Of inkstands
and havs worked wonders with the
black fluid they contained, but IL Is safe
TO say that Mr.. Hobart IL the only man
in ali the hoary registers Of time that
was provided with one that cost o., 600.
! wonder what was the price of the ink.
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