Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-09-17

calmly dropped all military semblance
and trotted to the wings.
Mascot's tricks, however, are not al
ways of an amusing type. One day his
mistress laid her $40 walking hat on a
couch in her room at the hotel and
: stepped into her sitting room to receive
a caller. Judging from what occurred
later that hat was not a favorite with
Mascot.
Something about the set Of the
plumes didn't suit him. Possibly there
was too much roll to the brim or not
enough character to the ribbon bow.
Anyway he leaped. upon the couch and
made a vigorous effort to retrim the
! offending chapeau. He extracted the
feathers, pulled off the ribbons, gnawed
off the crown, tore off the brim, and
when his mistress heard his wild growls
and rushed into the room he was 'wor-
rying" the remains of that wretched
hat in the most curdling language and
with frantic leaps and bounds.
Nevertheless Mascot is a very cute
dog.
William H. Crane, the comedian, has
the reputation among his professional
friends of being exceedingly economical.
This season he is to play Peter Stuy-
! vesant," who had but one leg, and now
the story on the Rialto goes that Crane
selected this part because it enables
him to save the cost of shoes, boots,
stockings and trouser legs.
The twentieth century will have roll
ed away and a new n grown into its
majority before all the stories regard
ing a trip to Europe that Nat G. Good
win SandSDe Wolfe Hopper INDUCED in
! some Years ago will have been told.
The latest output of this famous voy-
age is a yarn regarding a certain tour
ist who was aboard the ship. She had
a nose which Hopper described as be-
ing like the American eagles, and it
was in everybody's business" Hence
she gained the sobriquet of Lucy
Beak." The wrinkles in this pedagog-
ue's face were frozen in, and If by any
chance she should smile they would
crack like a fractured icicle. She was
as fond of an argument as an elephant
is of peanuts. Hopper and Goodwin
kept her in a constant state Of mental
agitation and ferment. One day DUR
ing a heated debate this pestiferous
| lady sneeringly remarked to the long
comedian, "Pshaw, Mr.. Hopper, you are
always on the fence" ION a fence,
madam, what do you mean?" asked
Hopper.
81 speak metaphorically."
sNl, Then you mean to insult me,
suppose" said Hopper. Here am
genteelly seated on a steamer chair,
yet you say l am on a fence. Do l look
like a fence, or what is it you mean?
appeal to Mr.. Goodwin, here"
81 never heard of such an expression
as on a fence and I think, madam,
considering Mr.. Hopper's gentlemanly
conduct to you,' said Goodwin, that
you should apologize"
Apologize? Why, I've given no Of
Tense"
But you have" replied Hopper.
"You have called me a fence, indieat-
ing that my person was ~ungainly and
not pretty to look upon"
But, Mr.. Hopper, will YOU
why will your 1t is not |, it IS
you, madam, who have descended to
personalities mean advantage to
take of a helpless man"
But r.
AT this point Hopper, who had all
along feigned an affection for the
homely schoolmistress, threw his arms
! around her and cried out:
Courses upon your fatal beauty! You
| have stabbed me to the heart"
/ Whereupon Goodwin set up a roar,
| which was augmented by Miss Beak
ERerself till at last there vas a commo-