Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-09-23
Mr. JOBSON QUITS SMOKING

| the yellow ashes his final, before going-tO-
bed pipe on Sunday night last. he rose os-
| tentatfously from his easy chair. slowed the
pipe carefully in the cigar box half filled
| with plug cut, and placed the box along
| side of quarter-filled box of cigars. Then
he turned to Mrs. Jobson, who had been
| covertly watching him.
You may give this health-wrecking MIC
| otine outfit to the ashman when he comes
around in the morning." said Mr.. Jobson to
his wife. You may keep my other pipes in
the rack as mementoes of my idiocy.''
why, what are you Mrs. Jobson
started to inquire.
Il am going to quit smoking" broke in
Mr.. Jobson. with a grandiloquent. self-de-
nyfng wave of the hand. Il have already
stopped smoking. In placing this pipe in
the tobacco box, have laid away. once and
forever. the symbol of twenty and more
years of imbecility and degeneracy on my
part. You may transfer the iniquity to the
ash gentleman: I shall smoke no more,
But Mrs. Jobson began. do you really
think you can so easily throw off a habit
that"
Mrs. Jobson,' lordlily interrupted Mr..
Johson. your husband is neither mollusc.
a crustacean. nor jelly fish. Your hus-
band declines to be regarded either as
pinhead or an angle-worm. n you choose
to consider your husband as a wabbing.
vacillating entity, without enough will
power to last him over night that is your
privilege, Mrs. Jobson. 1t were vain for
me to endeavor to unseat so erroneous a
Judgment on your part. When / state that
have abandoned the pernicieus practice
of smoking, once and forever l mean what
l say, and all the kings horses and all the
king men couldn't change me in my de-
termination"
But as it is one of the few pleasures you
permit yourself-as 1t really doesn't appear
to do you the least harm
you Will at least de me the justice to
suppose that I've got enough dormant
sense to know when a habit Is injuring me,
MIS- Jobson-when a habit is making des-
perate efforts to throw me down. hobble
me. and stamp on me- interrupted Mr..
agfnatfon, anyhow. It's the force of habit
running riot and making slaves of the male
members OF the human race. 1t all consists
IN looking at the smoke. and If that isn't
cnlldlsh, I'd like to know what is. You
take child making soap bubbIes-if the
child couldn't see the bubbles there'd be no
fun in 1t. would there? Same way with
smoking. Celebrated French scientist has
concIusively demonstrated that a man who
smokes In an absolutely dark room simply
gets dizzy. and doesn't extract the least
pleasure ep. out, out of his smoke. So I'm"
But, don't you remember, two years
ago. when you stopped"
never mind casting up. and drop an
clent history If you cam" broke in Mr.. job
sen, severely. I've known for some time
past that there's something serious the
matter with me, and now 1 know what it
Is. It's tobacco, and nothing else. It's this
imbecile practice of sucking on a pipe or a
cigar half the time. I've got a tobacco
heart bigger'n elephants, and I don't
intend to let the purely fanciful enjoyment
which l only think I derive from the sight
or a lot of gray smoke put me under the
ground twenty years before my time-not If
know it. Mrs. Jobson. I've been consid-
ering this step for some time, and if you
think that by argument and entreaty you
can persuade me to smoke myself into a
ltt1rc
own, why
And Mr.. Jobson made an expressive ges-
tnre mat meant to convey the idea that
he was pretty fiinty proposition when
once he had made up his mind.
The ash man came around while they
were at breakfast the next morning, and
Mrs. Jobson threw surprise wonder and
delight into his chocolate features by hand
Ing him an expensive briarwood pipe, a box
half-flled with high-grade smoking tobac-
co and quarter of a hundred good cigars.
Now. let the poor savage smoke himself
to death, as I've been doing" said Mr. Job
In contrast to the determinati ton Of his
tone, however. was the involuntary express
sion of surprise and sudden memory which
crossed his features when. with two good
cups of coffee under his waistband, he I'M
thinkingly felt around in his waistcoat
pockets for cigar. He looked out of the
corner of his eye to see II Mrs. Jobson had
observed the move. Mrs. Jobson is wo-
man who knows her gait. She pretended
to be smiling over something in just-ar-
rived letter which she was bending over
There was hard set to Mr. Jobson's
jaws and rather wan, drawn expression
int general on his face when he returned
from the office that afternoon. He gencr-
ally came home smoking a cigar. but the
cigar was absent. He spoke pretty chop
PLY to Mrs. Jobson, and ate his dinner in
silence. He looked pretty gloomy when he
sat down in his easy chair after dinner and
unfolded his Evening Star, Mrs. Jobson
m hn iQa Chn hnd hnNv
used to it, especially during the peaceful
after-dinner hour, for a good many years
and she liked it. The laxative man from
next door came in after while, smoking a
long black cigar with every evidence of en-
joyment. Mr.. Jobson regarded his neigh
Dor and his neighbours cigar wolfishly, and
was barely civil He tossed long time
that night before he could get to sleep.
There plumbers in the house
the next afternoon when Mr.. Jobson re-
turned from his office. gloomy. taciturn and
pale-looking and when they slipped out to
the back yard to have a pull at their clay
pipes Mr. Jobson stood near them where
the smoke was thickest, and inhaled it vo-
raciously. His three whist-playing friends
came that night; all of them chewing cigars
and looking full of content. They found
out the reason for Mr. Jobsons quiet
gloom, and for the remainder of the even
ing, over the game. they rallied him. blew
fragrant rings of cigar smoke into his face
and otherwise made him cheerful.
After dinner the next evening, when the
soiemn-lo looking head of the household was
just picking up his evening paper. Mrs
Jobson looked up from her fancy work.
mir. Jobson." she said, Il met DR.. Any
oldway this afternoon. and l was telling
him about your sudden cessation of smok-
ing. He told me that it was the very
worst thing that you could do-that the
sudden breaking off of any habit is not
only injurious, but is often liable to be
dangerous. 1 told him how really little you
smoked at the most, and he said that your
smoking did you no harm whatever"
Mr.. Jobson's countenance had been grad
ually expanding and losing its drawn look
during his wife's speech.
rs that sou he inquired. "By jung, but
do you know I've heard the same thing
myself, and I've been feeling in a state of
collapse since Sunday night. Ii L really
thought that
''And there's whole, unopened box of
your favorite brand Of cigars upstairs that
you overlooked" went Mrs. Jobson.
tShe had bought the box of cigars that day
out of her pin money!
When Mr.. Jobson, with an expression Of
radiant. almost imbecile happiness on his
fea lures, had gulped down several hundred
cubic feet of the first cigar smoke he had
enjoyed since the previous Sunday night,
he eyed Mrs. Jobson with fnexpressible
gratitude and said:
by the way, 1 notice the women are out
In their fall buds. Saw woman on F
street this noon that looked the real thing.