The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1899-12-22
FROM THE wAYsIDE.


William SIimm is one Of Russell
cOUnty's fat men.
This is the season of the year when
"the frost gets on the whiskers and the
breath has turned to steam"
Kansas is furnishing her share Of
the mules being shipped to South
Africa.
This is the season of the year when
the lodges are unusually active and
the goats are kept busy initiating new
members.
A Kansas man, who has moved back
east, says he misses the Kansas wind
more than anything else. He has moth
ing to lean against when ne is walking.
Several young men stand in horror
of that old custom that goes with mis-
tletOe at Christmas. They are not
bashful, but they are unlucky and al
ways catch some old maid under the
mistleLOe bOUgh.
A Topeka wit says that Secretary
COburn, inspired by W. W. Guthrie's
hOrnless Hereford and Congressman
BOWersOCk's hOrnless catfish, is work
ing on a sheep that will fight. He says
that Is the only way to protect the wool
industry from the ravages of dogs.
On January 1, 1900, rates on grain
and grain products from points in Kan
sas, Nebraska, Colorado, Indian Terri
tory and Oklahoma Territory to the
Missouri river, Mississippi river, Chi
cagO, Memphis, ETC., will be advanced
approximately on wheat two cents per
100 pounds, and corn one cent per 100
pounds, with the present Colorado
common point rates as maximum, cor
responding advances being made in
rates to Gulf ports for export.
An exchange says: "What a howl
would 90 up if the newspapers were to
Criticiss the individual as freely as the
people criticise the papers. Every is
sue Of q reputable newspaper Is a man.
tie of charity, and the matter left out,
truth, not gossip, would often equal IN
volume, we're the matter published. If
any editor would get out a cold fact
edition some day and then climb tree
and watch the result, what a picnic he
would have"
An exchange says: "CalI a girl a
chick and she smiles; call a woman a
hen and she bowls. Call a young WON
an witch and she is pleased; call an
old woman q witch and she Is indig-
nant. Call a girl q kitten and she
rather likes it; call q woman cat and
she'll hate you Women are queer. If
you call man gay dog it will 1atter
him; call him q pup, a hound or a cur,
and he viii alter the map of your face.
He doesn't mind being called a bull or
or bear, and yet he will object to be
ing mentioned as a calf or a cub. Men
are queer, too"
An Abilene man was in AtchisOn
few months ago, says the Abilene Re
heetOr, engaged in a business enter
prise which also involved six others
from different parts Of the county.
After 1t was concluded, the party sat
down to a friendly game Of poker. The
Abilene man protested that he did not
know the game; that be went to Sun
day school, etc, but he was forced in
We'll show you" said a MissOurian
So they played, and the A. N. was an
swered when he questioned the others
as to the rules Of the game Finally it
came to the last hand and big pile of
wealth was on the table. When the
betting was nearly ended the Abilene
man looked up from his hand and
asked meekly: "DO four aces count
for much?" With a grOan the others
threw down their cards and left the
table and cash to the innocent member.
Finally one turned back, "Did you have
four aces?" he asked. 30, no" replied
the Abilene man, dropping the cash
into his pocket. 81 only had 9ves and
sevens- I asked for information" They
will never show another Kansas man. |