The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-04-01
FUNNY THINGS THAT
HAVE REALLY HAPPENED

He was the most dignified' fellow you
could imagine One day he was very
much attracted by a funeral. Sauntering
up to son of Erin who was digging
sewer near by. he drawled:
Say, who's dead"
The Irishman gazed at his questioner
for a long minute then said slowly:
II don't know, sor. but think it's the
mon in the hearse, sor.'
what route did Sir Walter Raleigh
take when he returned to England!
asked the puzzled boy.
The potato answered his brilliant
sister.
One OF our local merchants was the
proud possessor of a sofa so torn that all
of its inside wireworhs were decidedly
open to the public.
That's my spring opening" was the
reply.
They had been arranging an Easter
What can we have for a changer"
asked the chairman of the programme
committee
let's leave hoff the heggs for a change,
and just have am
Whats the matter, Nelhe?'
"Oh, I've just arrived at the conclusion
that thinking isn't good for the brain:
was going to a hat store, put my mlnd
was preoccupied and | walked into the
next place instead. The next place was
casual observer to think had taken
drink, but; oh, DEAR
NJ. r ate some chicken stew
And a little roll or two.
For she said twas "tempty.
Now comes in the queer conceit;
Spite of all she had to eat,
Still the girl was NJ. I.
g @ @
Bring back, bring back. bring back my
Bonnie to me, to me- warbled the young
lady on the front porch. And the young
rudely: :Brckbat. brickbat, brickbat
your Bonnie for me- for me?'
Teacher-Name one of the chief char
. Pupil Itihesitatingly)-wen, er-he had
lots of Gaul."
Another pupil remarked that Caesar
to write all of his books in Latin.
@ g @
A young lady once sent her photograph
to her school friend mother. The mother
lived near an Indian reservation, and on
her next visit to the city brought "a set
of buffalo horns to the young lady.
OH exclaimed the recipient. II d
known that my photograph was going to
bring me anything so beautiful, Id have
looked more intelligent,
Tn glad you didn't" responded the
elder lady. I'D lots rather have you look
And She wondered why the girl went off
into such fit of laughter
Two students were discussing the i'm
mortality of the soul. One argued that
death ended his existence, while the other
believed in an after life.
views are correct. then I'm bound for
in hSG Knowing that ! shan't be altogether
left ont in the cold
odd things said by students are many
French republic?" was asked.
81 don't know his name, but you'll find
his picture in one of the magazines, was
the answer.
Another, in a Greek history class:
please explain how our alphabet has
been brought down to its present form
We'll, the Egyptians took it first (short
pause), then the Assyrians and Chal-
deans altered it Cbrief silence), then the
Greeks took it and made some changes
Qonger pause), then the Romans made
some more changes"-
A perfect howl of laughter interrupted
further explanations.
And still another:
Professionalism did the Romans receive
the news of the defeat of the Gauls?
Young Lady-Oh, suppose somebody
told them.
Miss B.. who has recently become en-
gagged, invited us to look at her solitary"
ring.
A wee girl in geography
Says 1t is very clear
That some day she may hem scarf,
But she'll never hemisphere.
81 O. %
please hand me a glass of water said
one fair damsel to another.
I'm no waiting maid" responded the
other.
mo I'm the waiting maid" replied girl
No. l. She got her drink.
% Is Is
Professor-Wha were the Trojans en-
gagged in doing during this attack
They were engaged in dying, mostly"
% % %
An eighth-grade pupil says that her
motto in life is found in the beautiful
stanza:
II live for those who love me-
For the hearts that find me true,
For the heaven that smiles above me-
And the gum that L can chew"
Neckwear Novelties at Auerbach's.