Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1899-05-24
ID ii|I|Il|I!!s|l

wv NotSAS uo ~ paooSu shhSu6a 49, -
ter.-Harvard Lampoon.
The bride-I don't want to have any
trouble with you, Bridget. The cook
Then, bcdad, ma'am, let me hear no
complaints.-Life.
Dash-Don't you think Miss SweetIy
sings with great deal of feeling to-
night? Smash-Yes; she must be feel
Ing pretty bad.-Judge.
Johnny, did you take your cough
medicine regularly in school, as told
you?" Nom; Johnny Budds liked 1t,
an he gimme an apple for it."
Miss Fox-Papa, why does young
man give his tiancee diamond ring?
Mr.. Fo1-Oh, that's the forfeit he puts
up to insure fight.-Jewelers Weekly.
Two next-door neighbors quarreled,
and one of them exclaimed, excitedly:
Call yourself man of sense! Why,
you're next door to an idiot!-Ex-
change.
"What time did the hotel catch freq"
Midnight" Everybody get out safe
lyT "All except the night watchman.
We couldn't wake him up in time."-
Boston Traveller.
WAS that sleight-of-h and mans ex-
hibition successful, Mudge?" II think
so; lent him counterfeit silver dol
lar, and he gave me back good one"
Detroit Free Press
Inquirer-"When is the next train to
Leamington?" Station-master - Eat
II o'clock, sir" Inquirer What. isn't
there one before that!" Station-master
No, sir; we never run one before the
next"-Tit- Bits.
Miss Gay-This bathing suit Ia out of
date, and l don't think mamma ought
to allow me to wear it any longer. Miss
Primm-Well, If l were your mamma
should insist upon you wearing 1t
very much longer.
Parson Featherly-De Lawd hab took
yo' husban' an lef' yo' wild six chilluns;
but 'membah, sistah, dat dar's some
good In all de Lawd oes." II does, pah-
son. realizes dat dars one less fob
me to perwide foh."-Life.
Bass-I got some eggs of Mrs. Fowl
er for fifteen cents dozen. I praised
her baby, you know. Fogg-That's
nothing. I bought some of Fowler
himself for twelve and half cents.
l spoke in admiration of his dog.
That's fine, solid baby Of yours.
Middleton" said friend who was ad-
miring the first baby. DO you think
he's solid? asked Middleton, rather
disconsolatcly; at seems TO me as ii
he We're all oller."-Stray Stories.
81 am glad to say" remarked Mr..
Meekton, that never spoke hasty
word to YOU" mo. Leonidas," answer
ed his wife, rather gently, I'm willing
to give you credit for not hurrying
about Observation-Disclosures Star.
Van Twiller-"I dreamed that COM
mitted suicide last night ON your ac-
count" Miss Oldun (gushing,-"He!
he!-er-hadn't you better to speak to
mommer about it," Van Twiller-
"Oh, l wouldn't dream of lhatr-
Judge
Husband (handing his wife some
money)-There, dear, is ten pounds for
our birthday party expenses, and 1t has
bothered me little to get it for you.
think deserve little applause. Wife
\ Applause? You deserve an encore,
my dear!
Ingenious, but precise: Are you the
defendant in this case?" asked the
judge, sharply. mo, suh," answered
the mild-eyed prisoner; II has law
yer hired ter do de defeudln'. is de
man dat done stole de nhtlcics."-
Washington Star.
Village cousin Showing his city rela-
tive around the hamleU-That fellow
lounging over there has just completed
a tabletop composed of 4,163 separate
pieces Of wood. City cousin-Whnt did
he do that for? Village cousin-Oh,
just to keep from working.
| DO you think it proper" said the
man who was trying to keep his tenn
per, ito laugh at a man who slips on a
banana peel by accident?" Well" re-
piled the spectator, apologetically. II
laughed by accident, too. l didn't
think of such thing until saw you"
What to Eat.
1hhA ou soy III IL tedsltE
told you that you had an cxtravogant
fool of u father?" That's what he
meant" But what did he say?' He
said 1t was criminal folly to waste
money Oh the education of such a
chump MS am."-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
81 see," remarked Dedbroke. that
you advertise an up-to-date boarding
house. suppose that refers to the
service and appointments" mo, in
Decd" replied the landlaly; that re-
fers exclusively to the Doarlers l
don't keep any one who gets behind"
philadelphia Record.
You are all right" said the doctor
after he had gone through with the
regulation humping and listening with
his patient. Not trace of heart dis
ease. Fifteen dollars. please" The
patient drew long breath and TO-.
marked: II am sure now l have no
heart disense; If ] had should have
dropped dead when you mentioned
your fee."-Boston Commercial Rulle-
tin.
Old DR.. Archer was n quack, and a
very ignorant one. On one occasion he
was called by mistake to attend coun-
Gil of physicians in critical case.
After considerable discussion, the
opinion was expressed by one that the
patient was convalescent. When 1t
came to DIR. Archer's turn to speak:
"Convalescent" said he; why, that's
nothing serious; I've cured GONZALES