The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-05-19
EPISTLES TO ST PAUL.


"Speak king about humorous Incidents of,
the war with SPAIN" said a returned
soldier who tarried all day yesterday in
st. Paul on his way home to North Da-
kota. they were few and far between.
They didn't occur at San Juan hill. or at
El Caney. They didn't occur in the fever
stricken camps, nor among the boys oblig-
ed to bivouac, all tentless, beneath ma
laria-breeding dews. There was nothing
humorous In decomposed timed roast.
Life was real life was earnest from the
time we left Tampa until the protocol
was signed
''ButTohe of the funniest things ever
after | was discharged. The Washington
monument is $50 feeein height. and fifty
five feet square at sthe base Quite fire.
quently when clouds are sailing low the
top of the monument Is Invisible during
the transit of the. Clouds. and at those
times, when one looks upward. the clouds
appear to be stationary and the monu-
ment to be falling. This is well known
optical delusfon. o-S
''One day a member of colored regi-
ment-an immune, 81 believe-suddenly
yelled. !. 3.,fe.w s.,,. :,,4
>" Look out dar! She's comin'!'
Il was standing near the base of the
monument at the time, and casting about
for the author Of this dsorderly conduct
I saw the negro looking wildly about him,
evidently too frightened to move in any
direction, and yet on the verge Of col
lapse. completely paralyzed with fear.
She's comm down., sahi. he cried.
his eyes starting from his head in abject
terror, the monuments a-faIlin' an we
doan' know which way she's COMM
Then the coon actually thew fit on
the green sward' and. Z; frothed at the
mouth. The fact is this was really more
tragtcal than humorous. The fellow act
uaily believed the Washington monument
was topping over and that he was DOOM
ed to be- buried in the ruins. Now the
affair began to take q serious turn, and
although / could not for the life of me
conceal my daughter, / made haste to
help the poor fellow as much as possible.
A crowd soon collected, but do what we
could he passed from one. fit into an
other, and we sent for q Red Cross am
bulance. The society took him away to
the hospital. I learned afterWard that
he suffered fit of sickness lasting near
ly seven weeks, and all the result Of his
imagination.
''It wasn't really funny in one sense
of the word, but I never can resist the
temptation to laugh whenever L remem-
Der his comical attitude, and his frenzied,
despairing ejaculation:
e Look out dar she's comm down! I"
George Gerlach, superintendent of re-
| pairs of the city schools, has not decided
| whether he will make a base ball player
or a football player out of his two and a
half-year- old-son. The promising Juvenile
was sitting in the second story window
at his home PIG sSherburne avenue, yes
! terday, watching his. brothers play ball.
! One of the Gerlaehs lined out two-base
| hit, and Gerlach Jr., in his enthusiasm,
gave a yell that would put to shame some
| OF the duly authorized Lexington park
| fans, and fell out. offthe window to the
yard below. a distance Of. eighteen feet.
| The frightened mother rushed out of
doors and picked, the, young man up. 1t
was found that he had escaped without a
scratch. Jim Healy, thinks that the flu
| ture of the national game is assured If a
| two and a half-year=old can discriminate
| between a foul pop-up and a safe hit.
! .tsfses
| Speaking about fishing reminds me of
| the last time / went out to Bass Lake.
observed DR.. E. H Whitcomb yesterday.
''It was last year and we made up a nice
| little party that included 'Dolph Schiff-
| mann, .Artie White, Dan Hickey and Cy
Foreman. We thought that we were
rather good at the fishing game and the
| first night we arrived we made up little
| pool of SIS to go to the man that caught
| the most fish before, breakfast. Now /
| did not propose to get left, and L had a
Few drugs along IN case OF ACCIDENT. iiS 1t
was the easiest thing in the world to slip
| a little mixture intos.the lemonade Of the
other fellows. They were all sleeping
scundly in consequence in the morning
and was the only one, who fished. When
| the fellows finally woke up about noon
I had caught twelve fish and had break
| fast, all ready. OF course Iwon." ys12 81
| 7:. ..g = ~ s*..4G !st.es.. 49,
| John Fichel, of the railway mail serv-
| ice, is an enthusiastic cyclist, but has
been very unfortunate this season. About
| two weeks ago he met with an accident
| on the wheel and escaped with two black
| eyes, The diseolored optics had hardly
| begun to resume their normal shade when
] the mail man experienced another tumble
| and again both eyes were bruised.
81 don't see howtit isl he explained to
friend Every time I take header I
| have:.Tny eyes BACKED, and no one will
| believe that my wheel is the cause Of the
| trouble"
Its easily explained" said the friend.
when you see that you are going to
| tumble your eyes bulge out and get in
| the way
The Philistine.