davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
Humorous department.
DID NOT NEED BRAINS.

"My business takes me into a great
many small towns, remarked a drum
mer the other evening to a New Or
leans Times Democrat reporter, "and
while loafng with the natives, who
debate the fate of nations and carve
their monograms on cracker boxes in
corner groceries, l hear lots of good
old stories, furnished up, retrimmed,
dyed, secured, polished and practically
good as new. There are six or eight
of these yarns that l have learned to
look upon as old friends, and it warns
my heart when l meet them, no matter
what local disguise they may be
wearing.
ga few days ago, for instance,
happened into a strange town in
Mississippi and felt frightfully bored
and lonesome until storekeeper began
to tell me story about lawer named
Googan in place up the road.
"'He was triaing kind Of chap,
said the storekeeper, 'and one day he
heard of a doctor up in New York
that had scheme Tor taking out the
no-account part of a fellows brain and
replacin' it with frst-class thinking
machinery. Knowing that everyone
regarded him as blamed fool Googan
concluded to 60 off on the quiet and
get fixed up. So be scooted for the
north, and when he got there the
doctor told him that his brain was
petri6ed, as hard as rock ; but he
promised to make him a new one that
he could think with and told him to
come back in six months and have it
put in.
"'Googan promisedj but when the
time arrived, he didn't show up, and
the doctor wrote him letter. IL
have your brain all ready" come and
get it,"
est amt necessary" Googan wrote,
"I've been 'lected to the legislature "
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

CANDIDATE For HEAvEN.-Judge
Tarbell tells the following joke on
himself: A short time after his retire
ment from the bench he happened to
meet an old friend whom he had not
seen for some time. The judge, all
smiles and heartiness, etfervesced over
his friend in such way as to provoke
the inquiry:
"Wbat Office are you candidate for
now, judge?"
The judge made a deprecatory
movement with an outward turned
palm and said:
"For none at all, my dear brother
I'm simply candidate for Heaven"
His friend regarded him sorrowfully
for an instant, and then, with more
wit than politeness, and with more pro,
family than either, exclaimed:
"I'll bet you don't carry d-n
township"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
farul and firesiae.

KEROSENE AS A CLEANER. The
great merits of kerosene as a cleansing
agent are not as well known or appre-
ciated as they should be. No other
article assists the housewife so much
in all parts of her domain. In the
kitchen the tinware may be made
bright and shining by rubbing with a
flannel dipped in kerosene, then in
powdered lime or whiting; it is soon
done and rinsing in hot suds takes
away all the odor. An oil cloth is
quickly washed on the floor with a
little kerosene added to the securing
water and dried with flannel, leaving
it almost as petty as new and doubling
its time of service. The windows
may be washed in half the time. One
should have brush to clean the corn
ers, then with soft cloth wrung out
of warm suds and saturated with kero-
sene the window is cleaned and polish
ed so easily one is surprised. Mirrors,
too, have lost their obstinacy in taking
on a polish by the same treatment.
Most of all the busy housewife is help.
ed in washing soiled clothes. Shave a
bar of soap into quart of warm water,
when melted add one tablespoonful of
kerosene. Select the worst soiled
clothes, put in tub just covered with
water, soap each piece well with pre-.
pared soap and oil and leave over
night. In the morning add hot water,
and they will require very little rub
bing. Of course, the usual rinsing
must be done.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

ARTIFICIAL CREAM. "A cooking
teacher tells of a manufactured cream
that is worth knowing about in emer-
gencies, when the real article is not to
be had. 1t is made from the whites OF
Two eggs, beaten stiff, with a table
spoonful of sugar and teaspoonful OF
cornstarch. Half a cup of cold milk
is added by degrees and all beaten to-
gether very stiff. A cup of milk is
heated over the fire, with small but
ter ball melted in it. This is allowed
to come just to the boiling point, when
it is removed to a cooler part of the
stove and the beaten egg mixture add
ed. When it has all thickened very
slightly to about the consistency of
thick cream, it is taken off and strain
ed and cooled. This may be used as
cream for serving with fresh or pre-.
served fruits; but it is needless TO add
that it will not whip.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

A LESSON In ECONOMY. man
who chews 20 cents worth of tobacco
a week concluded to try tobacco
cure. In two weeks he ate up Sl.5O
worth of cure, and for the next two
weeks he used 10 cents worth of can.
dy, 5 cents worth of cough drops and
5 cents worth of peanuts per day.
During these two weeks he also con-
sumed two large rubber erasers, ate
the rubber tips of IA lead pencils,
chewed up dozen penholders and
broused off his mustache as high as he
could reach. He is now chewing to-
bacco in the interest of economy
Garrison CFexas) Enterprise.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
alistellaneous &eading.
In COUNTIES ADJOINING.
Summary of the News That Is Being Pub
lished by Exchanges.


CHESTER-The Lantern, June 2 ::
Mr.. d. NJ. Hall, of York county, was
in Chester on business this week. ''''''''
The ball game between Yorkville and
Chester has been postponed till next
Friday. Mrs. Sarah E. Thompson,
of Blackstock, has announced the mar
riage of her daughter jamie and Mr..
William Minter Patrick, which took
place Thursday, June l, 1899. The
ceremony was performed by Rev. M.
R. kirkpatrick, Mr.. and Mrs. Patrick
left soon after their marriage for Ashe-
vile, N G. They will be "at home" "
Woodward, S. c., after June goth. '''.''
Messrs. w. A. Hardin, R. A. Love,
and A. w. Loye have sold their inter-
ests in the Love Ginnery company to
Messrs. A. NJ. Titman, of Lowrysville,
and W. H. Hicklin, of Guthriesville.
We understand that Mr.. w. o. Guy
retains his interest. The sale was effec'
ted on last Wednesday. This is fine
property. There are four large Mum
ger gins, and the pneumatic elevators,
for lifting the cotton from the wagon,
the packing arrangements, and the
other appliances seem to be as near
perfection as one can imagine.
LANCASTER-Ledger, June g.
Easter Dunlap, an old colored woman
living on Mr.. ]. N. Taylor's place near
Craigville, died last Sunday. She
was 4nown to be 1O5 years old. 1900
Mamie McIlwain, a young colored
woman living on Mr.. n. T. Draffin's
place was found dead in bed last Wed
nesday morning. She was we'll on re-
firing the night before. The coroner's
jury found that she died of heart dis
ease. '....'".Mrs. Betsy Wolfe, died al
the home of her son, Mr.. VIM. Cook
near Sincerity, last Thursday night
She was about rs years of age, was
twice married, and was member Of
the Methodist church. MFRS. Betsy
McMurray, widow of tine late John
McMurray, died at the home of her
son-in-law, Mr.. G. W. Williams, neal
Jacksonham, Wednesday night last
aged 76 years. She was member OF
Shiloh A. R. church and her remains
were inferred at Shiloh graveyard on
Thursday afternoon. She leaves three
children surviving-J. M. McMurray
Mrs. G. w. Williams and Mrs. Hunt,
the latter of Columbia. ....'''MemoriaI
day was observed here in the usual
way. Veterans, citizens and school
children assembled at the court house
Thursday afternoon at 6 o'clock, where
the procession was formed in the usual
order, the veterans coming first, and
marched to the cemetery by the
marshal, Captain B. J. Witherspoon.
The exercises began with prayer Ivy
Rev. Chalmers Frazer, followed with
the song "America," by the children.
Then came the roll call, followed by
another song by the children. The
marshal then introduced Rev. w. Z.
Ewart, the orator, who made a most
excellent address. Mrs. J. H. Bold
ridge then sang an appropriate solo,
and while flowers were being strewn
on the soldiers graves the choir sang
"Tenting Tonight" The occasion
awakened sad memories in the breasts
of many; but it was pleasure to pay
this loving tribute to the dead of "The
Lost Cause" May the custom ever
be kept up in old Lancaster.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

REFUSED TO BE HoBsoNIZED.-A
young man who had been converted
at north Methodist campmeeting de-
clared that all pride and self-conceit
had been taken out of his heart. To
prove it he said he would 60 down in
the audience and kiss an old colored
woman. AS he went down the aisle
the old colored woman rose to her feet
and said:
"Look aheah, man, you may not
have no pride, but is. l ain'i agwine
to let no man Hobsonize me hear befoh
all desc white folks"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

p4 A lady had been i'll and under
medical treatment for a long time. AS
she grew no better all the while, she
became distrustful of her physicians
skill, and did not wish to tell him So.
She communicated her state of mind
to her maid. "Lave i'm to me, mum !!
lave i'm to me ~ said the girl. By
and by the doctor came to the door,
and Bridget opened it about an inch.
"Sorry, SIR" she said, "but ye can't
come in the day, docthor !" "Can't
come in? How's that?" "The mis-
thress do be too i'll for to see we the
day, sir !"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

A LANGUID PORTER. hot sum.
mer's day gentleman who was wait
ing for his train at one of our country
stations asked a porter who was lay
ing on one of the seats where the sta
tion master lived, and the porter lazily
pointed to the house with his foot.
The gentleman, very much struck at
the mans laziness, said:
"If YOU can show me lazier action
than that, my good man, I'll give you
two-and-six-pence."
The porter, not moving an inch,
said
"Put it in my pocket, gov'nor.-Lon'
don It'd Bits.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
When You Want
Nice Clean
Job Printing

You should always go to THE
ENQUIRER office where such
printing is done. Excursion
Bills, Programmes, Dodgers, Cir
culars, Pamphlets, Law Briefs,
Letter Heads, Note Heads, Bill
Heads, Envelopes, and Cards of
all kinds printed OH short notice
and at very reasonable and legit-
mate prices.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

FRUIT AND VEGETABLES VS.. Doc
ToRs.-Grape fruit is almost as good
as quinine for malarial troubles, and
pineapple is sure cure for sore throat
Tomatoes are perfect liver regulators.
They contain a small portion of mer'
curry. Oranges act on the kidneys
very benefcially, lemons and grapes
are efficacious in curing and prevent.
ing cancerous troubles. Watercresses
act on the lungs and are said to be a
cure for incipient consumption. They
certainly have marvellous tonic power
and refresh one after great fatigue. A
diet of grapes as cure-all has been
proved valuable in hundreds of cases.
and, if taken in time, a case of jaun-
dice can be cured by eating nothing
but lettuce and lemon juice. In the
face of this, can one not almost dis,
pense with doctors ?-Exchange.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

REVENGE ON A oOR-PLATE.-Dr.
Wines was the principal Of a boys
school. One day he had occasion to
"trounce' a boy, and it is supposed
that he did the work thoroughly.
The lad took his revenge in a way that
the doctor himself could not help
laughing at.
DR.. Wines's front door bore a plate
on which was the one word, "Wines." "
The boy wrote an addition in big let
ters, so that it ran: "Wines and Other
Lickers."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

To MAKE AN OMELET.-Two eggs
break the whites in one bowl, the
yolks in another. Beat the latter until
lighter in color and very much thicker
and to them add two tablespoonfuls of
milk, a saltspoonful of salt, quarter
spoonful of pepper. After mixing in
thoroughly put in the whites well beat
en-. Put frying pan on the range and
when we'll heated pour in the eggs.
Have plate warming. If the knife
can cut in without sticking it is done.
Put in the oven to dry the top.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
CHURCH TRUCKS,

Casket Rests, Cooling Boards and all nec-
essary conveniences adapted to the under
taking business, will be supplied by me.
My best personal attention will be CIV
Ell and can be found at anytime at my
store, where will be pleased to serve you
when needing goods of this class.
II. BANTER McCLAIN,
Yorkville, S. c..
Va am prepared to furnish a hand
some Hearse to all funerals.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

WORTH TRYING.-The pig-tailed
laundryman, says an exchange, knows
a little ironing trick worth trying.
Instead of heating his iron just right
for use, he heats it scorching hot j.; then
he plunges it into cold water for an in
slant, which cools the surface suffi-
ciently to allow him to make several
effective passes, the heat meantime
gradually returning to the surface. If
necessary he repeats this two or three
times, till the iron is of the right tenn.
perture to ply its vocation uninterrup,
tedly. This saves the frequent chang
ing of irons of Bridget's method.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

s6- His tongue Glove to the roof of
his mouth. "I-I-that is, he falter-
ed. "vou-" And then he suddenly
caught her to his bosom. "Iou know
what l would say!" he cried. Frigid,
ly she disengaged herself: "Another
missing. g.word fake" she muttered, pale
but calm.-Detroit Journal.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
Soon to Arrive.

In a short while we will have for your
inspection BICKFORD Il HUFFMAN
GRAIN DRILL with Disc Plow.
In stock now the finest Hay Press
Horse Power out for the money.
Respectfully, w. B. MOORE q CO.,
The Everything Store.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

ns% "Is this the last edition of the
paper 2" inquired the severe looking
old lady of the keen-eyed newsboy.
"Yes'm," he replied, 81 guess it is.
The sheriff was just closin' up the
office ez | come out"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
CQEEINS and CASKETS.

T HAVE just received full and conf
l. plete assortment of COFFINS AND
CASKETS, Including number of ME-
TALIC CASES, and am now prepared to
serve the public in a most satisfactory
mannar
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
REASONABLE PRICES.

I carry large and complete assortment
of all the usual sizes in the ordinary and
polished wood designs, and can supply
them at the lowest possible prices up to
tho binboot
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

p6 A runaway darkey, before the
war, was on his way to Canada and
was met by countryman, who ques-
toned him as to the treatment he had
received at the hands of his master.
"Did you have enough to eat?" the
countryman asked.
"Yes."
"And enough to wear?"
"Yes."
"And warm place to sleep?"
eyes"
"Then what did you run away for? ?'
"Say, boss" the darkey replied, ''if
you think you'd like the place, it's
open to yer"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
w. .B. MOORE Il co.
THRBE CARS OF
FARM MACHINERY.

WE have just received THREE CAR
w LOADS OF MACHINERY which
we will offer at the lowest prices and
on the best terms. In this lot OF machin-
cry will be found the following:
One No. 8 Geiser and one No. Geiser
Threshing Machines-belt power-on
four wheels.
Is Draw Cut Champion Mowers.
Is Wabble Gear Champion Mowers.
Champion Binders. There are more
Champion Binders and Mowers running
today in York county than any other.
They stand today, head and shoulders,
above all other makes and there is no
other makes anything like them. They
have features that are distinctively their
own. Terms easy.
80 Tiger Self Dump Rakes.
Is Tiger Hand Dump Rakes.
Is Cutaway Tiger Disc Harrows.
ID Smooth Tiger Disc Harrows.
10 Tiger Disc Plows.
Remember that every piece of the above
named machinery is sold under guaran-
tee and the terms and prices are right.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

pay 1t is said that if lamp chimneys,
tumblers or other glass dishes are
placed in cold water, with half cup of
table salt to each quart of water, which
is brought slowly to a boil and boiled
IL half hour, then allowed to cool in the
water, they will resist any sudden
changes of temperature without crack
ing.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
PHOTOGRAPHY
TS AM AIT

A ND it takes an artist to be a photo
n grapher. One who is not al artist
doesn't stand much of chance of MAX
ing a success at photography. l have
given years of study to this especial line
and can say with pride that my work
will compare favorab ly with that of any
photographer in this section.
The best and most perfect photographs
are the results of experience and not ex-
periments. I do all Of my developing,
retouching and finishing, thereby obtain
ing the best possible results.
AS Far AS Prices
Are concerned, you need not worry your
self along that score. l know that my
prices are reasonable and you will agree
with me when 1 tell you what they are.
am also prepared to develop and print
pictures taken with pocket cameras. If
you have Kodak or Vive or any other
camera, and for any reason you can't de-
velop and print your pictures, bring them
to me at my gallery on West Liberty
street. J. R. SCHORB.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
FINLEY & BRICE,
ATTORNEY AT LA w,


A LII business entrusted to us will be
II given prompt attention.
OFFICE IN THE BUILDING AT
THE REAR OF H. G. STRAUSS'S
STORE.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
Ths aJurkrille. Gaq1irer.
Published Wednesday and Saturday
TERMS OFsUBSCRIPTION:


Single copy for one year,.........-..$ 90
One copy for two ars,........"...... %
For six months, hs,.................-........" 90
For three months, s,........................" %
Two copies for one year,.."."..".. SO
Ten copies one year,.-..."........... IT 50
And an extra copy for aclub Of ten.
ADVERTISE
Inserted at One Dollar per square for the
tirst insertion, and Fifty Cents per square
for each subsequent insertion. A square
consists of the space occupied by ten lines
of this size type.
@s- Contracts for advertising space for
three, six, or twelve months will be made
on reasonable terms. The contracts must
in all cases be confined to the regular
business of the firm or individual con-
tracing, and the manuscript must be in
the office by Monday at noon when in
tended for Wednesdays issue, and on
Wednesday when intended for Saturdays
issue.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07
SOUTH CAROLINA & GEORGIA
EXTENSION RAILROAD co.
TIME TABLE NO. 1

In Effect 1901 a. m, Sunday, May 2l, 1899.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1899-06-07

BE- Nos SO and SO will stop at Kershaw for
dinner. Trains will stop on signal at Oakhurst,
Elgin, Caskey's, Springfield, Roddy's, Leslie,
Old Point, Newport, Kings Creek, wildwood,
Union Mills, Golden Valley, Vein Mountain.
SAMUEL HUNT, President,
A. TRIPP, Superintendent,
8. b. LUMPKIN, Gen. F. and p. Agt.
The Farmington times. [volume] (Farmington, Mo.) 1874-1902, 1899-04-13
The Censorship Again.

FROM the ST. Louis rost Dispatch
In the uric nsorcd dispatch from Ma.
Mia, Ma Hong Kong, published In
yesterday Post. Dispatch, tho brutal
truth is al least partially revealed. An
American general Is quoted rs saying
that 100, 900 men will be needed Ia
accomplish lie conquest Of the Philip.
pines, ami that even with This number
the war will be indefinitely prolonged
The important feature in this Is that
the dispatch Is not censored. The
American people are no, permitted to
know how their affairs are progressing
The dispatches direct from Manila are
falsiiied. The truth oomes tagging a
week behind the event.
The American executive Is at pres
eut welding despo,ie powers, the like
If which are unknown IN any civilized
country outside Of Russia. And he
seeks to maintain the despoism by re-
sorting TO censorship, which In Russia
exciies The indignation asd hnrtas Ut
the whole weird,
Why is it that what is sc;cstable in
Russia passes without public protest In
the United siatcss Must NE submit 30
this assumption 81 iyranuical p"wes in
the cause Of benevolent a-simiia,ionF :"
The Farmington times. [volume] (Farmington, Mo.) 1874-1902, 1899-04-13
A Committee That wal Investigate.

Representative Organ 81 Dent coun-
b.. In letter from jefferson City to
his paper, the Salem Monitor, has The
following 10 say about the snu6bing
which the House gave tho Speaker and
a certain committee OF his appointing I:
The House last Friday adopted a
resolution to appoin, committee 10
investigate the State Insane Asylum
management at Fulton. I, IL charged
tina, Dr Coombs, the chief officer OF
the asylum, has been guilty Of im-
proper conduct; that he gets very
drunk at times, and Is guilty Of other
conduct very much 10 the disadvantage
Of the best interests Of the institution.
The Speaker was authorized bT tho
resolution 10 appoint a committee OF
five members Of the House TO make
the investigation. That COMMITTEES
was appointed Monday afternoon, and
il didn't sui, a majority Of the House
because they were thought TO be rather
too friendly to that part Of the State
Administration which seems disposed
TO cover up and hide from view the
bad conduct Of Dr.. Coonihs. The re-.
suit was that the speaker and his c nm
u,iIlcc were 'iurued down." aud q
commiliec of different membership sa'
elected by the House. That commit
tee will investigate, aud no whi,cwash
ing viii be allowed
The Farmington times. [volume] (Farmington, Mo.) 1874-1902, 1899-04-13

the matter rather philosophically, aud
remarks editoFially that ''lf the Ga
sette editor bad been murdered outright
last Saturday, instead Of being severe
~ Injured, he wOGld have simply been
martyr TO duty Ia eRdeayorips TO
purgr Cape Giratdeau oi the scpulchral
gutlenurss If 4 gamblers den"
The third case resulted even more
seriously. Last Saturday Frank Grit
tin. editor of the Marysyillc (Mo. }
Record, was assassipa,ed on the street
by c. g. Jesse, formerly u druggist Of
that place. The Record published an
article stating that jesse was running q
"jnin," there. 1t is said that Jesse
had previously threatened that il Grii'
Tia mentioned his name IN the paper
be would shoot him. lie made good
his word and placed the brand oi Cain
upon his brow.
| Amd 50 it occur, THAI the editor +.
bed Is not one Of roses altogether.
The Farmington times. [volume] (Farmington, Mo.) 1874-1902, 1899-04-13

The bill iur Insane Asylum Ne,
has passed both branches 81 the Legs
la,urc aud been signed by the Cover
nor. Il will - into force ninety days
after ia passage J., provides for the
building Of "A fourth insane asylum, to
be located in Southeast Missouri, in
some county lying south Of the iith
township line aud east Of the 9th range
line west Of the 9Th principal meridian.
The bill as amended by the House and
agreed to by the Scuate, calls Tot 500
acres oi land for the location Of the
asylum. /, dors not require that this
amount Of land shalt be donated by
any town or county bidding for the 10.
cation, but The amount Of voluntary
donations Ia land or money will be
taken into consideration, aluug with
other advantages afforded by locations
proposed. There are many alyant-
ages offered by Pennington, and our
people should sec that these are made
known 10 the commissioners TO be ap-
pointed by the Governor. Some con
cert Of action is necessary to 10 this,
aud TO find Out what further induce.
nleuts they are willing TO offer TO get
the asylum located here.