The San Francisco call., 1899-11-25
II. FAMILY RELATIONS AND
DOMESTIC LIFE.

LII L.
There is no phase q the art of living
so difficult &c master as that OF abldlns
with ones family. Always 20 be good
tempered IL almost Impossible. Pare ats
can be Just as aggravating as Children
and the older the boys and girls are the
harder often is II for them TO get on
with their fathers and mothers. There
fore so many ladies' apartments and ben
edict chambers. for the question OF vom-
an suffrage, with all its virtues and falla-
cies. is far less vexatious than the set
tlement Of rights and duties In domestic
life. since no amount of suffrage Will ever
enable daughter TO be freed from filial
obligation. and manhood suffrage does
not remit fathers legal obligation 10
support MS children.
The modern grown-up girl declares she
has a life OF her own TO fulfill and tnat
as IL IS GecmCd all right 20 leave her
home through marriage II is just as hon
orable 10 forsake IL I'm a professional or
business career. Whose fault H. II ttat
she so reasons? The parents. who viii
not accommodate themselves 10 modern
demands. say the daughter The chill
dren's. who forget gratitude and decency
in their desire for independence. say he
/ parents. Consequently there is In most
! homes perpetual friction over individual
/ rights which even the presence Of COM
/ pany scarcely mitigates.
! Secretly I think parents are far more
/ to blame than their children. They had
l rather keep their ways, be old-fashioned.
have the dinner served as they like and
/ maintain punctuality decorum. with all
l the other middle class virtues. than prac-
tice the higher graces of adopting mod
ern devicss-of having no set time for
any meal, but of always keeping things
hot; of free-and-easy manners, and OF
/ spending instead of saving. II is mighty
hard 10 be an agreeable parent nowadays.
but one should not begin as a parent un-
less willing to renounce ones ways as
children gov up.
All depends upon the point Of view II
one owes surety to the world for it's con-
tinuance. Il the blessings of immortal life
/ should not be restricted. then any kind
Of parent is phllanthrOpist But If a
child AYERS that, never having been asked
If he were willing 10 fulfill in himself the
destiny of the world. he IS at liberty TO
do so as he chooses. then the only way
OF living Heaceably is by the exercise Of
mutual chivalry. far more gracious OBJ
servance than that of mere forbearance
Even the grammar school pupil Of 10 day
knows that the authority OF the man
over the woman and OF the parent over
the child is largely traditional. and that
science has relegated birth 10 the cate
CORY OF natural law. Hence the indepen-
dence and impudence of our ut-Ie % I'll
dren, their assertion Of their own fan
cies Into rights. their disagree cable rude
ness and when grown up their inability 10
get along at home
Notwithstanding all this. n mothers
happiest hours are those when her chill
are Ff7tffff' wIeH the home nursery
Is the kindergarten and she is the teacher.
playmate and guardian. If she likes she
lra har uaTf
psychology 10 her aid. by tabuIatfng her
discoveries in child lore and by ponder,ng
upon the duties of a twentIeth-centriry
mother Better is IL 10 be her own nurs-
erymaid and to have a good time with
her children. never letting them crv them
selves 10 sleep or feel too young an undue
weight OF moral responsibility. and often
leaving them TO invent their own amuse-
ments. So much insistence has been
placed upon the order OF games and stud
les that we have forgotten natures right
10 individual caprices. The necessity Of
letting boys and girls learn to make their
own choices is hard lesson alike for
them and their parents 10 acquire. WHY
don't you tell me just what 20 do instead
or giving me the hard work OF deciding?"
asked daughter Of her mother. When
the girl was 25 she knew why.
Familiarity and frankness are essentials
In home life. II is as much pity when
either parent or child has it's most inti-
mate friend outside the home as IL is
when the guests Of one are not the guests
OF all in the house. Children enjoy the
distinction OF being consulted. and par
ents soon learn that II is for their advan-
tage TO see things from the latest point OF
view; that being called the governor or
daddy" Is not disrespectful. and that IL
Is happier TO joke bit with the mother
than to regard her as simply a maid-of-
all-work or too old 20 be good for much
Parents should never be old. and never
would be II children did not make them
so.
But In order that our children may be
free, we. as parents. are very apt to lose
our self-respect and allow ourselves 10
be imposed upon. We permit short an
swers, gruff ways. neglect OF little cour-
tesies, and then complain about the man.
ners of the present day. II a mother has
not taught her boy TO say good-morning
to her when he is young he will be very
sure to let her do her own errands when
he is man.
Moreover, there are parents who are so
self-abasing and short-sighted that they
consent TO live with their married chill
dren instead Of having the children live
! with them. II makes a great deal OF diff
] ference whose house II is Tenderness
and strength are the genii that guide
| frankness and familiarity until recipes for
daily home living seem as antiquated as
the old-fashioned way OF learning to read
or OF corresponding according TO a Com
plete Letter Writer"
A large amount of family friction is
caused by the mistaken conscientiousness
OF those parents who defraud their boys
and girls OF happiness by not telling them
they are pretty or good-looking (every
one can be the latter or well-mannered
and attractive. Many a child is lonely
even in fond homes where there Is little
outward expression OF love and never a
compliment. Even II praise has its bane-
full side, II is great deal happier 10 be
! self-conceited because OF II than gloomy
from want OF II. Children also should
make love 10 their parents. telling them
how delightful they are. that middle life
and old age has given them a new kind
| of charm. Many mother grows set I'm
her ways and chary OF pretty dressing
Just because her children do not seem 10
care about her clothes. and many a father
i slides into SiOVenly nj toLf