The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1899-08-06
MR.. EPIzOOT WILKINS.

GROVER CIEvEIAND's. IN THE srAIr
wv Moo GERsEY.
Tu the Editur:
After encountern so many setbacks tu
Dimicratic harmuny, and heerin no end
NV bad nOoZe from every pint NV the po-
litikal kumpass. doorin mi stay in Wash
ington, l hev returned home fer breef
konsultashun with Mr.. Cleveland befoar
l so abroad agin intu territory outside Nv
Moo Gersey tn drum up recroots. Wen I
sot down and realized how he he'd snacht
me frum laber and sot me adrift amung
strangers with more mummy in mi pocket
than l he'd ever seen thare befoar / felt
thet it wood be base ingratitood not tu
call upon him and let him share the af-
tiickshuns thet he'd fallen ontu me.
seen hiz shadder on the barn dore ez |
approacht hiz premisiz. and found the
CRATE man engaged in settin a hen,
wich seemed tn be wobblin around
tn much tu SCOT Mr.. Cleveland's peece-
full idees. The old hen wuz walkin and
kickIn and cacklin in a belligerent atti-
TODD. and failed tn appreshiate her own
er's pacific intenshuns jest ez sum Dimi-
Gratis hev dun wenever hiz name il men
shuned. Befoar / Good git chance tu
sa ennything. Mr.. Cleveland kommenced
to talk tn the objeck NV his solicitood and
onburdened hiz sole tn her if she he'd
bin delegate tn nominatin convent
shun- "1 u air a toomultuous and kon-
trary old kuss," sed he. but | kinnot af-
ford tn hev yu feel emmy luminosity agn
me. Yu need kOnciliation. Yu air jest
like the Dimicratic party eZ constitooted
at the present time. Yu hev tn mutch
htin blud in yure constitooshun and not
enuff Judgment tn bak it up. Yu air
huntin fer trubble in every direckshun
l-,lx- =,
fer it. Iu need sum strong man like me,
for instance. who Good seeze yu with a
mailed hand and hold yu in check vile
yu get rid NV the fitin fever thet seems
tn onbalance yu. In yure present fraim
NV mind there liz no tellin whut further
delooshuns may enter yure he'd. nor how
soon yu will run up agin sum bigger bird
thet kin lik the stuffin out NV yu. Thare
IL the saim uncertainty ez tn how yu will
act after yu git quieted down and git
:ntu the incoobatin bizness- Whut kind
Nv Il platform-bird | mean-air yu goin
tn hatch out? Air yu goin tn hatch out
wun with golden plumage, or wun with
silver fethers, or wun with no cutler at
all? Perhaps yu will incoobate a scare
crow with a nigger outfit bi wich tn scare
sumbuddy thet is eazily scared-jest
the Republikins Nv Baltimore WIZ bi our
folks at the city elecshun in May. Oh
thet / Good take peep intu futoority and
find out whut is ahed Nv us!''
Findin mi benefactor in such a medita-
tiv mood and inclined tn be despondent,
it made me downcast, miself. wen / re-
membered thet | brought no tidins kal-
culated tn cheer the hart Nv any Dimi-
Crat hoo hungered and thirsted fer offs.
So jest ez he wCz about tn resoom his
conversashun with the hen in regard tu
oil oil l IN nd
frantikally embraist him amidships ez fer
ez | Good reach.
"What nooze frum the battlefield" sed
he. ez he gently ontangled me frum hiz
arms.
The nooze is all wun wa, and all agin
u.s. MIR. President" sed l. "wether yu
look at it rum a military or a poltikal
standpoint. The Fililpeen heethen hev
not cum up tn our expectashuns in OPP
posin the Amerikin armies. and the Bry-
an insurgents are gittin tn numeruS and
sassy fer our cumfort. The Republicans
air sittin all the party glory out Nv the
war tha wuz forct intu. and thare don't
seem tn be uothin left fer rs tn du but
tn set down on our launches and growl.
Nv whut good il emmy kind Nv a heeth-
en-, Id like tn kno. if we kant yoOze him
| fer the benefit Wv the Dimicratic par
ty" sed Mr.. Cleveland. Il wuz opposed
tn the war and still am opposed tu all
| kinds NV strife thct will benefit the Re-
publikin party. but if yu kin sho me emmy
/ assortment NV heethen. ennywhere. wich
we kin ketch outu and rope EN- intu our
! own ranks / kin be depended upon III ex-
| tend 4 friendly welcome to EN- if tha will
| promise tu be faithful tn the civil servis
and revenoo reform.
Excuse me, Mr.. President" sed /
but thet il exactly whut l hev he'd tu
contend aginst in Washington WHARF yu
sent me III harmonize SO menny different
samples Nv Dimicrats. One and all Of
EN- sed thet civil servis and revenoo re-
form wuz plade out. and thet we coodn't
win in 1900 bi hangin live men ontu ded
/ issoos, nor by hanging live issoos ontu
| ded men. We must hev sumthin moo and
startlin. and sumthin tibet wont be tu
suggestiv Nv a graveyard The prevailin
opinyun wuz thet we aireddy hev on hand
tn menny unburied corpses hoo air walkin
around and maxim believe tha air alive"
THAT liz WHARF they air all rOng," said
Mr.. Cleveland ernestly. I'VE don't want
nothin moo. We must foller in the foot
| steps Nv our fourfathers and believe in
whutever tha sed we ort to believe in wen
we got tn it. We air alwaze shoor Nv
man hoo still thinks he IL votin fer An
droo Jackson wen he votes fer me, but
thare iZ no dependence tu be placed ontu
a man tibet goes huntin around fer moo
! issoos and moo candidates. The Dimi-
cratic party kin never hope tn cum inter
power aSin if it makes intelligence a test,
or tries tn compeet with the Republicans
in keepin abrest NV the times. Our
strongest hold iz tn ignore ez far ez pos
sible all allooshuns tn passin events. and
git back and fite agin nigger supremacy,
and the danger we air all liable tn of
hevin sum nigger marry our daughters.
We won the ite in Baltimore bi sich tao
tics, and we kin conduct a campane along
sich lines with marvellus enthoosiasm."
I'VE Good du il so far ez yu and l air
conserned, Mr.. President" sed l. land
we Good eazily indooce the Dimicrats Nv
Moo Gersey to swaler whutever wuz set
befoar esn, but thare seems tn be sum
yung men in our party in other stats hoo
want tn look ahed and not fte the bat
tIas nv their prandfathers ADDleiack