Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-05-05

without a struggle You riay suppose he 4
bargained for NY soul, but in this you /
are mistaken. When / suggested that /
premium, he replied:
.'Oh. no! an not buying souls That
Is an obsolete method Il doing business
We work ON the tuntine plan now-so
many years of service ON my part, 80
many ON yours. Not hard service either.
Time used that you would otherwise
waste. As for sOuls-well, perhaps you
may have one, Mr. Cross, but | don't
want IT,
what services do you ask Of me!"
"It will be all clearly explained TO you
] don't think you will find any contract
fairer than this propose"
Then he explained 1t at length while 1
sat and looked at him. He was plain,
there was no denying that, with grasses
down his cheek and wrinkles - his eyes,
a complexion mahogany color and hair
that seemed to defy the brush, II he ever
used such an article ON II.
Can you read my thoughts / asked,
noticing that he had promised me exactly
what wanted.
Certainly. People think in words
and quite slowly-about so words min
ute. When they talk faster than that they
only use stereotyped phrases or repeat con-
yentional ideas or quote something they
have learned by heart. Emerson, you re-
member. said he rarely could think faster
than five words an hour, and Bret Harte
considered ten lines IA good days work.
looked at my companion with ADMIR-
ing surprise.
"What a lot devil has to know
said.
Yes" he answered modestly, tive have
TO keep ourselves braced up. The whole
field is against us, and we get well
laughed at when we make mistake. 1t
is almost as bad as being an editor
L never thought of that" | said
thoughtfully. And what am TO do to
compensate you for the services you are to
perform in my favory'
Simply write something funny"
Is that sinIlg'
"Not in itself, but it develops super
fetal way of looking ut things in those
who seek humorous suggestions exclusive
". Yoa notice that criminals cover their
misdeeds by amusing slang, and no cruel
act will wound the senSibilitics If it is
CLOSED BY laughter moving conditions.
The heart suffers pain, but to the intellect
life is u comedy. Therefore cultivate wit "
"Can it be cultivated If not natural to
q mani"
20 Lord, yes Any incongruous asso-
citation will appear humorous, and wit Is
only the art of being taken in seeing
joke. l."
But, If with my best efforts, failS'
"Then you will have to keep it up till
you learn. It's like being thrown into tho
sea-you must swim or drown. What olse
are you good fory'
"Who knows?"
Now, in regard to another matter.
You want wife"
"Do I?''
Certainly. Human beings are born in
pairs; each half lacks elements that tho
other possesses. Did you suppose men
and women could live a rational life un-
relatcd?"
Il didn't know"
"Iet me tell you they can't Now, of
what age would you like your female
counterpart to be9"
II am 80. What is your opinionf"
"A woman of IS is of the right age in
some respects, but she knows more than q
man of 80 and is not apt to feel much
Difference for his opinion Say 25. At
that age most women may be considered
as handsome as they ever will be. You
like beautyf'
well, yes. Don't your"
well, l don't know. Beauty requires
great deal of care to keep itself up to
the standard, and If 1t does go, all goes
In most cases. You can't see to read by
the candle that's burned out"
lox 20 CT civil nf
20P'
Don't girls of that age usually have q
high opinion of themselves and ask q
great deal Of attention? Now, you know
you are indolcnt'-
Say no more. Let 1t be 10 or even
10. will educate her to my tastes She
must have some accomplishments. Pow
erty may be no crime, but the poor man 3
daughters are apt to suffer from it, "
"Goodr' cried satan. You talk just
like one of us. l feel that we shall be
close friends l will choose wife for you
as would for myself. Treat her as your
equal, and am sure she will suit you"
''Of course you will provide me with q
mother in law. How can l make jokes If
haven't one for targetY"
My dear sir, that remark shows you to
be less sophisticated than l had supposed.
Don't you know jokes of that order come
either from the men who marry orphans
or from shiftless fellows whose mothers.
in-law more than half support them!
Fire away Unfortunately at the race
you'll hit the mark occasionally. 1t will
be pretty bad shot that won't make
some fool laugh
This conversation occurred Is years ago
have prospered since and lived a life OF
comparative ease. Satan came in today
bearing the cancelled bond.
you have served me we'll" he said
II have proflted by your services and
have tried to fulfill my part of the agrco
lLent. Think how much more comfort
able has been your lot than that of thou
sands of others-artisans, miners, farm
crs, ministers of the gospel, men of high
literary aims. The world loves cheap wit
and rewards the mountebank in every
sphere of life"
THAT seems to be the fact" I replied
land the cheaper the wit the greater tn,
reward My jokes We're not good ones"
'No; they have done so much to lower
the moral and intellectual tone of the
community uniU you h1Ne carHeu ile
long rest. You have made even death tn,
subject of mirth and, your mother-in-lav
squibs have been quoted in the divorce
court About your own married life-ha
1t been happy one!"
Happier than l expected or perhap
deserved
No; because you have made your wifi
your friend and counselor No matte
what the age of women, always trea
them as equals That is all they ask"
He vanished, and though his intelli
gence is of high order do not think
shall regret his absence or sigh if l ncve
sec him again. AS the proyerb says "Wh
would cat with the devil needs a Ion,
spoon. "-Exchange.
His Reason.