The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-19
TO Be HAPPY IN MATR|MOAY
COMPROMISE OFTEN NECESSARY
TO SECURE BLISS.
Woman of Experience Draws Wise
acknowledgements Between
Married Same As Arbitration.
(New York Herald.)

During the last few months 1 have
written on various phases of matrl-
monY. but lady said to me the other
day that had SO far neglected 10 treat
of the most important matter which
conduced to matrimonial Felicity.
This lady has had experience, for she
has been twice married-happily both
| times. 1 believe-and is still quite young
enough to make a new venture in the
dangerous experiment of uniting TWO
personalities tremendously.
Il used to think" she said, that
marriage was all that the poets said
it was-'two souls with but single
thought, two hearts that beat as one,
and all that kind of thing. L suppose If
young men and young women did NOT
hold to this pleasant theory few Of
them would rush into matrimony in
the way they do. So it is probably just
as well that they should think such
things, for even when they learn that
minds and souls and hearts are not
single, there is still a chance for them.
Indeed, if there were no chance there
would be no happiness, for happiness
that lasts comes after the realization
of the duality of the married, and that
happiness is invariably founded on an
unformulated compromise.
Nature" the dear lady went on to
say, lis war, and war, as dear old
General Sherman says, is hell. But cut
of that war, even though not a gun be
fired, there can come lasting peace. The
peace, however, which lasts is not the
result of conquest, but of compromise
of a compromise by which each party
retires with the honors of war. Then
they can, like the lovers in the fairy
tales, live happily ever afterward."
This was no new idea to me, but the
lady spoke from the fullness of eXDer-
fence, and l asked her to go on and
elucidate her theory. She consented
TO do SO, but not in an interview. The
letter she promised TO write has lust
been received, and here are extracts
from it:
When I said that there never were
cases in which the lives of newly-wed-
ded people blended perfectly from the
beginning, 1 meant to state a general
proposition forcibly, and not IN the
least to deny that there were exceptions
to this rule as to every other. There
are some mortals in the world so
charmingly amiable that nothing ever
disconcerts their serenity. Now, when
two such happen to maryland have
known it to happen-there is every rea-
son why from beginning to end they
should get on without any warfare or
the need of compromise. SUCH cases,
however, are rare indeed; they are more
rare than the exceptionally amlable
persons themselves, for it sometimes
happens that one Of these amiable men
or women is Joined to a scolding.
shrewish or a disconnected partner.
Even then there is often more than the
semblance of happiness. for the anna
BILE member of the firm always gives
way, and the other member of the part
nership, being in command, must needs
be as happy as bad temper viii per-
nit.
Il suspect, however. that both of these
are exceptional nstances-eXception
because this charming amiability is
very rare itself. AS a general thing the
men and the women. who get married
are much of muchness,' and all are
burdened with as many faults as they
can carry and keep in decent conceal
meglt. Both of them in the days of
cOurtship manage this concealment
pretty well. and for two reasons. There
is a glamour about that period of life
which prevents clarity of vision. and
then again both men and women, par
ticularly men, are better in the mating
season than at any other time. The
very fact of the coming union makes
their aspirations higher and their ac-