Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-06-24
II
Types Of Humanity in Evidence on
a River Excursion.
VARIOUS METHODS OF ENJOYMENT
Odd Scenes on the Boat and at
the Picnic Grounds.
SINGING AND DANCING
Written for The Evening Star.

The man with the indeterminate mouth
who walks about the boat with two camp
stools under each arm with the three fe-
male members of his family YEARLY follow
ing after him, furnishes amusement for
the crowd until the boat is ready to start
down the river. He cannot quite make up
his mind as to the best spot whereon to
deposit himself and his charges He
traipses aimlessly about, above and below,
from the gangway to the hurricane deck,
the women in his care obediently climbing
after him without demur. Meanwhile, the
boat is rapidly filling up, and the best
places up for'a ard, on the main deck are
being rapidly seized. When the boat is
ready to pull out the man with the waver-
ing face finds that the whole craft, fore
and aft, is in possession Of people who
were willing to take what room they could
set, and he is compelled to land himself
and his trio of female relatives off in a
corner, in the hottest section of the boat,
next to the faded woman with the weeping
infant.
Meanwhile, the other boat, bound out at
the same time, has started two minutes
ahead, and has got lead of three or four
hundred yards. The passengers speculate
to whether the other boat will be over
taken. The anxiety on the part of all
hands over this matter is really feverish.
One might almost fancy it race for a
famous international trophy. Gradually
the lead of the other boat-jammed to the
gun'ls, it is seen, with the colored man
and brother, likewise sister, and all SEEM
ingly very happy in Song-ls cut down, and
for moment it is Prov and PROV. Then
the other boat drops back beaten, and
each man and woman on the boat that
has forged ahead seems to regard 1t as an
individual, personally conducted triumph
The Usual Funny Mnn.
The funny men appear to have installed
wherefrom to dazzle their willy-niNy listen
ers with their humor. An excursion boat
without its ample quota of rasp-voiced hui
morists would be like circus without pink
lemonade and peanuts Each funny man is
generally accompanied by three or four
young women who have been seemingly
trained to giggle at the humorfStS every
word. 1t makes no difference what tine eX-
cursOn boat humoriSt says, they feel 1T IN
cumbent upon them to giggie. When the
bell in the pilot house tolls as the boat
passes Mount Vernon, the funny man as
suales sad expression and says something
about G. Wash's dinner being ready, and
all of his retinue of young women g1Sgle.
When the funny man emits something That
he considers particularly good he looks
around out of the tail of his eye to see if
he has extracted a laugh from the people
in his vicinage whom he does mot know. If
he encounters scowls instead 1t makes no
difference to him. He knows IN MS own
gies of his own immediate claque OF young
women suffice for applause. Il
The man who finds it Impossible to shake
off his office troubles also has good point
of vantage wherefrom to impress the people
who are involuntarily near him. He nails
his wife close up to the rail and tells her
stridently how he has been doing more
work in the office during the past tiIree
DAYS than the whole force combined; that
it makes him tired to see how those other
fellows in his room loaf: that the office
might possibly run along some old way II
he happened to drop out for a Week or so
+ through sickness but ell be derned if he
sees how.
An Authority on Base Ball.
The Young man who thinks that the
Washington club is the greatest ball team
in the world also has his usual position up
in the eyes of the bow. He admits, with
some reluctance, that the team Is close TO
the bottom, but that makes no difference.
1t is the best club in the world, anyhow
1T amt had no chanel. Wait till the men
get to playing together, and then you IL an
crawl and admit that m right. He talks
in this strain while the boat Is covering
six knots, aud the savage SianceS tnat ne
gets from the eyes of people VINO kho"
a thing or two themselves about base bail,
and who would like to hear themselves talk
to each other, anyhow, do not put him out
of countenance.
The old gentleman who hasn't been on the
river since he brought up from the
mouth of the James in a transport, after
being wounded in front of Petersburg
in "a, also has a word or two to say. He
does not seem to be attempting to catch
the ear of the whole boat, consequently
he is listened to with some interest by the
people near him. The man with the little
boy who asks questions makes earnest eff
forts to draw the boy, who is more or less
pulp witted, into the emulation of brilliant
juvenile remarks for the delectation of all
q no civ n 10
commonplace utterances conceivable, but
his father looks around proudly every time
the boy says something particularly fiat
and pointless, and waits for tumultuous APP
pause. 1t makes no difference that the
applause is never forthcoming. The father
continues to exploit the boy, and after a
while he SEXES upon a glum-looking bache-
lor sitting near him and tells him all of the
sclnt1iiating things the boy has said during
the past four months.
Always in Evidence.
The young woman who has a long story
to tell her chum about the decetfulness of
Minnie becomes so immersed in her descrip-
ton of Minnie's observation-disclosures that her
voice unconsciously rises to a plant capa-
BILE of being heard at distance of ten feet.
The two young men with red bands about
their straw hats, who get into an argu-
ment respecting the merits of certain
sprockets for wheels, also break the calm
VI ehe Pun iiiS, pidSnlnS river. Inc large,
heavy man who smokes unspeakably vi
cious cigars one after the other has Sc
cured his usual position way up near what
would be the cathead of ship, SO that
the stunning yellow fumes from his weeds
may not waste their fragrance upon the
desert air, but give all hands to the lee
ward chance. The small boy in "a duck
sailor SUIT, who wants to portray his heavy
weather part by climbing over the rail and
hanging therefrom by one finger, extracts
the usual muff1ed scream from his mother,
who places her hand over her heart when
she sees her ohsprings perlous position.
The precise-lookfng man with the guide
book who wants to Identity each point on
the river and to ascertain its historical sig
nlhcance as he passes At keeps all of the
people near him busy 8withfSfis questions.
r hdat elderly .yo, woman who knpws that the
burying all hands in the deep, makes ali
hands near her sad ana Aeavy-hearted.
S,.l recalls .ssI the time when Her brother-n
law thlrd cousin was drowIled in steam
boat accident on the Miami river in 81,
and she dwells upon the ID BE- time it re-
quired to rescue his body. She says that
the next time anybody wheedies her into in