Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1899-04-19

life or from personal friends who make
requests for appointments or for other
matters.
Poets are the most voluminous of the
contributors to the White House. They
break loose without much provocation and
flood the executive mansion with their
effusions. The sinking of the Maine was
a favorite theme with the sentimental.
The battle of San Juan Hill, the sinking
of Cervera's fleet, Dewey's achievements
in the Philippines, in fact, nearly every
incident of the war with Spain and the
events which have followed have supplied
subjects for barrels of rhyme. The news
paper offices cannot be induced to publish
these supposed gems, and they are prompt
ly worked off on the White House, the
wouidbe poet receiving formal note say
ing that his production has been received.
The note reads something like this: "The
President directs me to say your poem has
been received, ETC." This is fuel to the
fire, as the poet supposes the President
has really seen his masterpiece He ex-
hibits the letter to his friends as an evil
dence of the appreciation felt IN high
quarters for his work and Immediately
eomposes more poetry for White House
ediication.
Next to the poets come the cranks: then
the importuner for money or recognition;
then school children whose teachers sug-
gest that they write compositions on GER
tain subjects and send them to the White
House. 'ucluded in the crank list are the
men and fomen who knew exactly how
Spain could be whipped; all about the
proper medical attention for our troops;
what our foreign policy should be, ETC.;
those who have boons which will berefit
all mankind, and the person who hears
that the President is sick and sends a
decoction which he guarantees will bring
about a speedy cure.
Several Vest i papers some time ago
published a story that the President
would have to give mp smoking cigars and
turn to the pipe. In consequence total
of 400 or 500 different kinds of pipes were
sent to the White House. The eorncob
was hewn into many pipe shapes and sent
to the President to enjoy A man in Eu-
rope who heard the story sent box of
curious clay pipes. The variety Of pipes
received was wonderful. These things
all go into the storeroom of the executive
mansion.
Ignorant white and colored people ad-
dress Uncle Sam at the White House
They believe such a man really exists and
that he presides at the White House and
over the destinies of the nation. The let
ters do not often refer to the White
House. The envelopes frequently read:
"Unkil Psalm. Washington, ID. c." The
postal clerks forward these letters to the
White House. Sometimes the letters con-
tain business Of some Importance, and are
sent to the proper department. They are
likely to relate to pensions or to army or
navy matters. They sometimes appeal
for release from the army or navy
The salary paid to the insurance COM
missioner in New York State is $1,000 a
year. New Jersey pays $4,000 Missouri
$1,000, Maryland $500, Kansas 81, 800,
Maine 81 1,50o. Connecticut So. 500, Illinois
So, 500 New Hampshire 81 500, North Da-
kota $1,000. Ohio $1,000, Wisconsin 3d.
900 and Pennsylvania $1,000 and fees.
If the President were a presiding judge
be could find his hands full of work. Peo-
pie often write to the President asking
him to grant them divorce. In these
tales of family infeiicity are unfolded in
great detail. Others ask that the Presi-
dent force the courts TO give them justice
In cases pending in the courts, to pardon
them from penitentiaries and jails; liter
ally, to sessle cases as complicated as the
famous Iowa calf case.
Every item which appears in a paper
to the effect that the President is worn
out or indisposed results in many medi-
cines being sent, coJious supplies of min
zral waters. numegsztS prescriptions and
still more numer- suggestions. These
are meant well and are appreciated ac-
cordingly.
& Requests for money and aid for all kinds
are daily occurrences. A large part Of
the letters are outright appeals for aid,
no doubt from deserving cases. Lonely
widows with childrsn to support appeal
for money and for places. Boys support
ing mothers. brothers and sisters ask for
something to keep the wolf from the deer
and to aid them in the strife for life