The silver lance., 1899-03-31
Don't Want To Play In Our Snow.


SILVER LANCE wrote me a personal letter
last week, and, as If my cup Of earthly
woo was not already full enough, en-
deavors to entangle me in additional
grief by incorporating in his seemingly
friendly letter an invitation to visit him
in his icy lair, and as an inducement
paints in glowing colors and holds up to
my innocent and trusting gaze a picture
OF the beauties Of snow shoeing. Among
other carefully worded expressions in
his letter. appears the following:
Did you ever snowshoes II not, you
probably remain in blissful ignorance Of
the fact that you can turn moro acrobatic
twists in ten seconds on "skees" than
you could in whole season, when as a
boy you went to see every circus, and
practiced double summersaults and such
things on pile of hay behind the barn
until the next show introduced you to
some new turn, The beauty OF snow
shoeing on "skees" lies IN the superb
appreciation Of your audience. Really,
when one does a speciality, it happens
with such lightning like rapidity that no
biograph under the sun could attain a
speed sufficient to reproduce the effect.
By all means come up and try the
'skees".
The above invitation which is a. raw a
delusion and snare as has come to my
notice in many moons, is kindly, yet
firmly and irrevocably declined.
My mephistophelian friend might have
impaled me upon his carefully baited
hook and landed me had he not over
played himself so outrageously. HIS
work is decidedly coarse in fibre, and
even l, in all my innocence and guileless-
ness, have no trouble in seeing through
it with my soulful, hazel orbs. He might
have succeeded in his diabolical designs
to get me up in the bleak, rock ribbed
mountains far away from my sunny
Glenwood home and family physician,
strapping me to a. pair Of unbroken snow
and tnrning me loose down some noun
tain side to scare up a rockslide or a
snowslide, causing it to sweep down and
kill a whole lot Of my felIowmen below.
He might have succeeded in all this and
caused my mangled anatomy to come
under the skill OF some heartless c. o. D.
surgeon, and then be thrown into Jail to
await trial, il he had only omitted that
one looking little word-"sKEEs'
We spell it "skeys" down here. That
word caused me to balk and glance ner-
vously behind me.
Now, never had any experience with
snow shoes, nor does my hankering at all
incline in that direction. l find ample
scope for my talent in providing ordinary
leather shoes for several generous and
active footed young Ballou's, without
being ambitious to add to my repertoire
Common, every day snowshoes, minus
any frills or extra embellishments are,
90 far as / know, all right and proper
but genuine. thorough combination OF
ablebodied snowshoes and "skeys" must
surely produce results. the effects Of
which are only rivaled by the kaleido-
scopic visions OF the Oriental dsvotse to
the Intoxicating hasheesh. To be sure, !
speak from the standpoint Of Glenwood
"skeys." l have already admitted my
ignorance Of snowshoes. but OF local
"skeys" l have made a special study
Snowshoelng alone, doubt not, will do
all that is claimed for it by my CORES
pondent, but few full-grown Glenwood
"skeys," when they were at their best
could give all the snowshoes in the Crys-
tai district cards and spades and win out
every time when it came to "acrobatic
twists" They possess the subtle power
to cause their victim to execute a series
Of acrobatic contortions and high and
lofty tumbling the like of which was
never dreamed Of by the most visionar,
circus manager on earth, and to secure .
record of even the start and finish oil
which tho quickest action biograph evei
invented would have to get hump or
like unto the dreamy eyed Saharar
| camel.
Will your Crystal snowshoes loosen uI
| a victims tongue and cause him to talk
the arms off half the people in town, ane
then, without a note OF warning, para
lyze his talking apparatus and deposit
his inert anatomy on the floor Of som'
| gin mill back room, from where he car
be conveniently bundled into an express
| wagon and hauled across lots to tho cit,
| temple of retention?
Will any Of your best trained snowshoe'
cause a man, afser he has just run dow
to the market to get small neck steal
for breakfast, to mark out with his fee
prints on the sidewalks and part OF tn
1 h., of he -
G. railroad, try to get five keys into abou
forty keyholes. and then, after his wifi
lets him in, 60 to bed on the hall stair
with his raiment unshed?
Will your 80 model snowshoe cause
victim to consort with and set 'em up t