Mesa free press., 1899-01-27
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The easiest way to take the conceit
out Of an amateur is to induce him to
become professionalism Life.
He-Oh, Miss Ethel. how can I ever
tell you my love? She (wearlly)-You
might try the long-distance telephone
Truth.
Two of Kind.-"They say dreams go
by contraries, do they not?" Eyes
dreams and weather predictions
Puck.
PA, what is scheme?' 81 can't de-
fine 1t, my son: but it is something
which will fall through quicker than
anything else on earth.'-Puck.
His Injury.-Attorney-W What ground
have you for asking for pension? Ap-
plicant-Why, when the engagement be-
gan lost my head.-Harper's Bazar.
Mrs. Won Bloomer-"My dear, those
people will be here in an hour to din
ner, and the cook has been at your
whisky" ''In that case l guess I'll
Join her."-Life.
A Forecast.-Laura-Yes; Ida is en-
gagged, Lillian-She has met her match,
has she? Laura-Oh, no! L think the
gentleman will find himself decidedly
outclassed.-Puck.
"De trouble wifi some men dat knows
a heap" said Uncle Eben, sis dat dey
hab sech positive way O. tellin' it dat
dey makes folks too mad to liSten."-
Washington Star.
She-And do you really love me? He
With all my heart! She-And would
you die for me? He-Well.no! You
see, mine is a sort of undying Lowell
Unsere Gesellschaft.
Jealousy.-"Is she very much in
love" "Much in love! Say! She heard
some one say that all the world loves
lover. and she's been jealous ever
nce."-Chicago Post.
"Wilison's wife is such a womanly
man." said the gossipy boarder. "Poor
Willison" said the Savage Bachelor,
and relapsed into his usual grim ST.
Enquirer.
She-Then you think the underground
road would be good thing for the city?
He Certainly. If it wasn't good
thing the city wouldn't have half so
much trouble getting it.-Truth.
A Genuine -Freddie-Mam-
ma, don't you wish it would rain dia-
monds? Mrs. Rich-No, dear. If it
should, people with money couldn't af-
ford to wear them.-Jeweler's Weekly.
Bnamored. Swain (after being accept
ed)-Darling, you look sweet enough to
eat. Practical Maid-Well, you can just
bet that I do eat. hope you didn't
think that lived on atmosphere alone.
Chicago News.
Hicks-Bowers has been telling me
some Of his war experiences. Wicks-
1 suppose you believed all his yarns?
Hicks-Oh, yes; they were so uninter-
esting I'm sure they must be true
Boston Transcript.
Young man dining at his club)-Don't
ycu think, James. that these lonely din
ners at the club drive number of men
to matrimony? Waiter-Maybe, sir;
but not so many as matrimony drives
to the club!-Punch.
The INVALID thought Robinson
would drop in. wonder he hasn't call
ed to see me. His friend-Well, I'll tell
you what think. Mrs. Robinson prob
ably won't let him sit up with any
more sick friends.-Puck.
ss1Eo,x- Gov, 4loo I1oi-o. 1x{c, x,o,, +o
day. think shall go down and take
the bread in future" "'Twouldn't be
no use, ma'am; he wouldn't kiss you,
COS he promised he'd never kiss any
body else but me"-Ally Sloper.
Mrs. Hicks-I told you Mrs. Dix was
envious of our new dining room furni-
ture, and you don't believe it. Hicks
Has she been here and told you SO? Mrs.
Hicks-No; but she sent over a box OF
boys tools to-day to Dick.-Odds and
Ends. e
Neighbor-Did that artist who board
ed with you paint your doors and win
dows? Farmer-He did not. At first
he refused to do such common work,
and after had seen one of his pictures,
refused to let him do it.-Fliegende
Batter.
Lady of the House Ito bore, who gen.
orally calls when she is about to go
shopping Won't you let me ring for
little refreshment for you? Bore-l
think TIL take little something just be-
fore go. Lady Of the House-Oh, then,
do have it now!-Punch.
"Your brother soldier didn't seem any
too glad to see you." "Oh, yes, he was
glad enough, but it wouldn't be good
discipline to show it too much. Didn't
you notice the stripe up and down the
leg of his pants? It's half an inch
wider than mine" Chicago Tribune.
visitor-Johnny, how are you getting
along with your geography in school!
Small Boy-Teacher says I'm dom
great. Visitor-Tell me, what Is the
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