The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1899-06-01
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get out Is through an allDl. IrlsoHer-
Well, Judge, whar is de alley?
Bessie-"Jack's heart is in the right
place" Lena-"How do you knowT
Bessie-'I have it."-Town Topics.
Father-"Tommy. stop pulling that
eats tail" Tommy-"Im only hold
ing the tail; the cats pulling lt."-Tit-
Bits.
Housewife-"IIow dare you ask me
to feed you again." Hobo-"That,
ma'am, is a perfashnul secret."-De-
troit Journal.
Angry Soubrette-"I understand you
have been telling everybody my hair
is not my own" Her Hated Rival
Its false"'-Life.
"Where does the boat called a
smack properly belong" Il don't
know" "Why, on the face of the
waters" -Philadelphia Bulletin.
Kings Daughter-Mercy. DO you
allow that half-grown girl to read
lola and Ouida? The mother-l must
do something to keep her away from
daily newspapers.
Mrs. Van Twlller (who mistakes Or.
Jovial for a physiclan)-And where do
you practice, doctor? The Rev. DR..
Jovial-Ah, madam, | do not practice;
! only preach.-IIarlem Life.
Miss Fondart-"Jack. what do they
mean when they speak of a firstwater
diamondT Jack-"One that--um-er
--one fresh from the mine-never been
soaked you know."-Jewelers' Weekly.
After man has taken girl to the
alter as often as six times, and called
upon her with chocolates In his pocket,
she begins TO see a resemblance in him
to her favorite hero in novel.-Atchi-
son Globe.
81 read to-day" said Mrs. Mcbride,
''of judge who recently granted twen-
ty divorces in one day" HE must be
one of those twenty-knot destroyers we
read about sometimes" added Mr.. Nc
Bride.-Life.
Jones-Dear me! You say you often
lay down the law to your wife How
do you 20 about it? Bones-Why. all
you need is firmness! | usually 80 into
my study, lock the door, and do it over
the transom. Puck.
He-Why did you fail to recognize
me on the street to-day? She-I didn't
see you. He-That's strange. | saw
you twice. She-Oh. that probably ac-
counts for it. | never notice man in
that condition.-Fibre and Fabric.
Cholly-Charming widow, isn't she?
They say she is to marry again. Algy--
l wouldn't want to be widows Sec
ond husband. Cholly-Well, I'd rather
be widows second husband than her
first husband, ncherknow.-Puck.
Yes, Stubs was goin' into decline,
an the doctor said tn best thing for
him was to get an easy government job
and lie around doing nothing" "A sine
cure, eh?' II don't know what kind o.
cure you call it, but anyhow he's
cured"
"The trouble with him." said the
young man who had been trying to
fittingly describe an acquaintance, lis
that when he dipped into the sea Of
knowledge he thought he brought up
dry."-Chicago Post
Mrs. Tilford-"It must have taken
Daniel Webster n long time to COM
pile the dictionary; don't you think
SOP Tilford-"Daniel? You mean
Noah, don't youE Mrs. Tilford-
Now, don't be silly. Noah built the
ark. "-Brooklyn Life
Curran, the Irish advocate, was ex-
aiming a witness once, and, failing to
get direct answer, said: There is no
use in asking you questions, for l see
the villain in your facet" "Do you. sir?'
said The man. "FaiX, | never knew be-
fore that my face was Il looking glass"
Mr.. Younghusband- is no use
talking; l won't eat any more of your
cooking. Mrs. Younghusband fearful
ly)-And you-you-sald-you were
willing to-die-die for me, but, mad
anne, there are worse things than
death. sydney Town and Country
Journal.
Mrs. Proudfoot-"Yes, Mrs. Mala-
prep. that's an heirloom. It's been in
Mr.. Proudfoots family over a hun
bred years" Mrs. Malaprop-"Do tell!
I've been naggin' at John Henry to get
an heirloom ever since we moved to
the city, but he can't find any, except
secondhand ones, and | won't have
them."-Jewelers' Weekly.
His idea of the process: "As | I'm.
derstand it," said the heather, you
propose to civilize me-" Exactly So"
You mean to get me out of habits of