The Irish standard., 1899-03-04

1
eyes all over him, and l guess he saw
enough to write book about, only l
haven't heard that he ever wrote it.
Anyway, he stayed out so late that
night that he forgot his name, and
when he showed up Monday noon he
tried to make the gang believe that he
was the father of his country, and his
first name was George. He couldn't re-
member the other one, and it made no
difference anyway, as he intended to
make his debut as soloist that very
night under the alias of Signor Stub
bini. 1t was in order to get Stub out
OF that frame of mind, so we treated
him internally and externally with am
monia cocktails and cold baths until he
rounded to pitch of humility that
made him sad enough to bring tears
| to the eyes of an instructor in math.
! He said he was crawling worm and
he'd like to go out and dig holes in the
| garden. After that he had big din
ner. 1t braced him upto beat the band.
The manager and | put him through
the alphabet and the multiplication
table and the shorter catechism and de-
cided that he was all right to show up
that night That's where we sprnkled
our record with hayseed.
do you know what hangover is?
Well, a hangover is one of those jays
that takes a nap way in the back of
your brain and leaves you feeling pref
ty solid with yourself until it wakes up
again. When it gets walked up it's time
for your friends to tie ropes around
you and lock you in room. That's
what the manager and ought TO have
done with Stub, for he had a hangover
like the caves of house. If he'd only
shown it little morc-but he didn't.
tackled him an hour before concert
time when he was getting into his dress
clothes.
Feel all right??' asked him.
Feel like bird he said. Say, i'll
had the real thing in u banjo tonight
instead Of that fake cheese box you
rugged for me could tear the eternal
soul of music right out of it. Let's have
cocktail
"'Never one said. IT'S up to you
to drink ice water
Ono said he. 1T would put out the
fires Of genius. l feel the spirit Of
Beethoven and Wagner and Mozart and
the man that wrote Johnny Get Your
Gun" all stirring within me. Great
song. Johnny, Get Your Cunts
"ies, but you don't need to sing it,
| ! said for Stub had taken u long breath
| and opened his mouth. Sure you're all
right?'
"'Truly rural says Stub. Six slick,
slim. small saplings. Think could do
those stunts II l wasn't? Watch me tie
my tie
Now, it's really something of trick
for man to put up dress tie in neat
bow unless he's pretty steady, and Stub
tied ii gents furnishing store model in
three moves. That settled my doubts.
When left him he was singing. He
said it was America because he was
patriotic. Three minutes later I met
boy in the hall carrying two cocktails
on tray. asked him where they were
| going. lie said to Mr.. ellis. told him
to charge 'em to Mr.. ellis private ac-
count and drank 'em both. Then l
sent Jerry Corley. who sat next to Stub
in the banjo line, to hover over him on
angel wings and see that lie didn't es-
tablish lines Of communication with
any more booze. Jerry was u careful
chap. He did the angel wing business
with an eagle eye attachment and land
I'd Stub at the concert hall so late that
he couldn't usher. Stub said he didn't
feel much like ushering, anyway; felt
kind Of compressed around the head;
effect Of the pressure of his musical
thoughts on the inside most likely.
During the first piece he got along all
right From my place at the other end
! got n glimpse OF him pecking away
at his hemp strings with kind Of rapt
look like man hitting up something
long and cold through u straw with the
thermometer at 90 degrees.
''As said, Jerry Corley was careful
sort of man, but he got his eye on a
girl in the audience that he used to-
know, and guess it ratified him. for
when he gathered up the boxes for our
second appearance Stub goldbricked
Jerry and got his banjo. and Jerry was
in such trance that he never noticed
that he was up against Stubs hemp
lined silence-spreader till he hit his
chair. Then he made u swipe for his
banjo, but Stub wartled him of and the
trouble began. 1t was some kind of
lingering waltz We had for that time
and it began with some little tinkly
picks on the mandolins, very soft and
birdy. Well, the mandolins started in,
and first thing knew heard kind OF
wild whisper from Jerry Corley:
"'Dont touch the strings, Stub
''Then Stubs bass voice said:
"'Leggo that banjo, Jerry. Drop It
or I'll kick your chair over
There was . kind of scraping OF the
chairs and l saw y couple OF beads of
water come out on the leaders alabas-
ter forehead. Offin the wings the man
ager was doing a war dance and whis-
pering 30 that you could feel the wind
Of it rustling your hair.
"'Stub. you blank fool, don't pick
those strings. Put that bridge down!
Keep your hands off, Wait for the
rest
"Itwas too late. Stub had his ar
engagements all made and just as the
mandolins were twittering their last
little twinks before they came to the
jumping-on place, where the whole
bunch Of us came in with q crash, Stub
came out on his banjo:
"'Boom. Plinke,y -plunkety- plark!
Plankty-plunEty-whang!'