Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1899-12-07
TURNING THE TABLES
RECIPE FOR KEEPING AUDITORS
QUIET IN A THEATER.

Worked Like n Charm on the Young
Woman who Had Bcen to the Play
Before and Wanted to Let Her
Friends Know All About II.
or the group of three young women
who sat in the first row in the orchestra
circle one had seen the play earlier in the
week 1t was impossible to doubt that.
1t was equally certain that neither of her
companions had seen the play earlier in
the week. Likewise, the fact was mani
fest that the young woman who had seen
the play earlier in the week felt entirely
convinced that none of the people in the
seats TO the right or the left or before or
behind her had seen the play earlier in
the week. that she felt sorry for them in
consequence and that she regarded it as
Il moral obligation resting upon her TO
tell them all about ii. SO before the
curtain went up she began:
"Now. Aggie and Mag, the first act is
jes' like a preface in book, and it's
hardly Necessary to see it at all, honest.
Course they have to talk lot, yknow,
Mag, vile the folks that comes late gets
into their seats. We'll. lcmmc see, how
does it begin? We'll, the fcllah that ar
ward marrics the girl, y'know, he comes
| remember; it's the villain, and he's got
n morgidgc on her pas proputty, and so
he's tryin to hold that over her head, SOS
she II ics' have to marry him, see? Then
the good fclah he comes in, and wen he
finds the villain there, a-tryin to make
the old man-hcr pa, y'know-namc the
day when he can marry his daughter
the villain, yunderstan' 49, my, there's
such stew, and then the good fcllah-
he's got the scrumptiouscst hair, jes'
little grny at the temples and sides,
y'know, like his LIES been sad, y'know,
Mag and then he
The young woman's Introduction was
just about in this lucid state when the
curtain went up. The people all around
the young woman who had seen the play
earlier in the week were gazing with
some little anxiety at her Perhaps the
fear prcycd upon them that she intended
to keep her running commentary on the
70 until tho fall of the curtain on the final
act. If that was their fear. it soon APP
pcared that it was justitiable. The cur
tain had no sooner gone up than the
young woman who had witnessed the
performance earlier in the week leaned
over to her two companions and began Il
hoarsc buzzng something like this:
Now, Mag and Ag. jcs' wait till you
see that good fellah. and you can tell me
! if | wasn't right in sayin he was the
| han soonest thing. But don't think the
! lcadin lady's SO purity. She looks awfly
| stuck up to me. Wait til you see her.
| She wears some nice dresses, but, honest,
| | don't think her ficger's gcnu-wine-
looks skinny to mc-that is, s if she
might be skinny on the street, y'know,
Mag. | think such a handsome lookin
man as plays the leadin PARTIES wait
til you see him, Az and Mag, that's all
ought to have a real purity leadn lady to
play with him, don't you. Mag? Now,
you'll see him come out in jes' aminit,
and then if you don't say he's the han
| somcst"-
1t happened that two quiet looking
young men, not apparently acquainteS
but simply scatmates sat directly in the
rear of the young woman who had A.
and Mag for companions. They looked
much bored during the beginning Of the
young woman's audible footnotes to tn,
progress of the play. then perturbed. and
finally real hot under the collar. But
they said nothing. They didn't ever
"Sh-sh." They went out when the cur
tain had fallen on the first act Just be
!
the two young men leaned over to thu
other. with Il twinkle in his eye, and il
a close imitation of the whisper OF til,
young woman who had seen the play ear
licr in the week he began;
Hey, Bill, this act is the bcaut am
the bird of the show. lis jim
Hickey and n kitty mitch. The butte
of the old mans shack starts the bal
rollin. He comes into the dinin room
swell set, y know Bill, with rca
dishes and real grub in 'em, with abou
half skate on, and he walks over t.
where the demijohus sit on the side
board and he throws about seven hooters
one after the other, into his face, get
googly eyed right there, and what h
does to that furniture is a-plenty. /
seems the old man has made him sor
about somethn or other, and
The people in the surrounding scat
We're ION to" the little play of the youni
man at once, and there was some smoth
cred tittering. The young woman VIII
had seen the play earlier in the wee
looked around contemptuously at tn
two young men, but they didn't appea
to know that she was in the thcatcr.
What gets the old guy Sore" ask
the shorter of the young men in a ton
of interest.
Il pass" hoarscly whispered his CON
pauion, but | guess the buffers got tn
bulge some way or other, on his nobs
and he just jumps in to work his edge
Well. he rares and tears around Their
somethin fierce, and then, by jinG,
Kafir low comedian Frances in jus
when the buffers kickin things over
and this Katlir's got Il knottcd warclu