Mexico weekly ledger., 1899-09-07
CHAMP gLAESETIER
Noted Members ofthe Re-
publican Happy Family.
QUEER IDEAS THEY HOLD.
Senator Chandler Expects Sell
EHacement Of Mark Hanna
HOW KAEEEY SKINNED GAGE.
Hcw EAEEEY SKINNED GAGE.

feirr IN ohie, where Chandler Ex-
poets warsaoay 60 Prevail In tas C.
o. p. ~nanks-Diek and Mclean In
Their Little CubernAsorsaa centro-
versy-Joseph ID. sayres, the Heroic
Trusf Hunter From Texas = Hi
splendid Character ana Career.
Especial washington letter.
dote on optimists. They are bless.
ipgs TO mankind. 1t Is better TO look
upon the world through rosy than
through yellow spectacles. As an Opt.
mist Senator william E. Chandler not
only takes the cake, but swipes the en-
tire bakery. II a national fair for op-
timists should be held. Chandler would
walk OF with the blue ribbon, dead
surf pop. Recently he was asked II
he thought the Republicans would win
in the next presidential election, where
upon he made this astounding reply:
Yes; but certain things viii be neces-
sary. There must be harmony In Ohio,
with Cancellation and self enacement
on the part Of Mr.. Hanna" Yes, oh, yesl
But isn't that about the most optimistic
sentence ever utteredi 1t may be that
some time, somewhere, somehow, some
banqueter in the sma', wee hours Of
the morning has expressed aspreposter-
ous a hope as that there VIII be har-
mony in Ohio. though / doubt 1t exceed
ingly, but surely no such vain desire
ever before was cherished in 4 human
heart as Chambers to the effect that
Marcus A Hanna, American Warwick,
will efface himself! senator Chandler
might as well expect Neptune to sur
render his trident Jove his power to
thunder, Secretary Long his beloved
Sampson or the devil his horns and
hOofs and tail. He might as reasona-
bly, expect a mother TO sacrifice her
child, a she bear her cub or the
civil service commission the ambi-
tion to u the whole show. He might
as well ask goldbugs not to perform a
work Of su~pererogation in suggesting
platforms and nominees for the Demo
Gratis or Governor Roosevelt not to be
Jealous of General Fred Funston
/ am not well up on transcendental
philosophy hs Il is propaFated in Bos-
ton, but ] have somewhere read that
It's leading feature is to seek the un-
attainable." Perhaps that cult has
Eloshed w into New Hampshire and
found q distinguished convert il Sen
ator Chandler. FOR certainly since the
morning stars FIRST sang together no
philosopher has sought anything more
unnttainable than that Mr.. Hanna
should cface himself. The idea Of
perpetual motion is not a wilder dream
than New Hampshire's senior senator
IL dreaming as to Mr.. Hanna. No, no,
senator, you are ''raislng"-to borrow
a New England word, l guess" you
know what raising" means-you are
raising the Boston transcendentalists
Ia seeking the unattalnable.
hind the eea 10 alunber silly,
Bind its odor 70 the ily,
Bind the aspen meier to CULVER,
Then bind"-Mark 10 edaoe himself.
some Parallel Contingencies.
Perish the thought Canst thou, o
optimistic senator, imagine a contin-
gency IN which the late Hon. p. T.
Barnum would have relinquished the
glorious privilege Of advertising him
self as proprietor Of "the greatest show
on earthg' No; and neither win Mark
"enace" himself as the sole manager
Of the Republican circus. And doesn't
he hold that position by in~defeasIble
ttle-to wit, by right Of purchase?
o ~confding, optimistic Williami
Can you keep the bee from ranging
Or the ~ringdoEe's neck from changingf
No more can you keep Marx from
occupying the center Of the Republican
stage until the American people ring
down the curtain forever on the Re
publican show.
To Senator Chandler and others who
think that too much Hanna is XIII
ing the Republican party and who are
Inducing insomnia by trying TO devise
ways and means Of disposlng Of Mark,
I cheerfully commend this excerpt
from Job:
csnst thou draw cut ieFiathan with a hook or
his tongue with q cord which thou lettest down.
Canst thou Put 3 hook IN his nose or bore his
jaw with = th1ruf viii be make Eupphcztions
unto thee7 VII he speak soft words unto fheef
Mil he make q covenant with tbeef Wit thou
take him for a servant fonrverf wit thou play
with him as with g birdG Shall thy companions
make a banquet q himf Shall they part him
among the marchzntsY Canst thou I'll bis skin
with barbed irons or his head with hsh spcarss
I am sorry to say that that great and
good man. Hon. Lyman J. Gage, who
rated" 10 the Republicanism In 1896
In order TO obtain the portfolio Of
secretary OF the treasury. is not q
bowling success a a controyersiailst.
Au contraire. as the French would say,
he is a most complete and dismal fail
IRE. Recently he had a set 20 with
Hon. George MeAneny, secretary Of the
National Civil Service RefoFn league.
and now, sad 20 relate, Lyman Is minus
most OF his cuticle and laid up for
repairs, applying arnica 10 his sore
spots. II may be that arnica viii not
cure him, and his physicians may have
10 resort to skin grating to make him
again presentable. Hereafter, when
Lyman desires the hide Of a civil sery-
Ice reformer be ought 10 do as Mark