Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-12-10
DOMESTIC ECONOMY Y.
THE IDLER SAYS TWO CANNOT
LIVE CHEAPER THAN ONE.
SOME UELOOKED-POR EXPENSES.
What Happens When n Man Gets
MarrIed-Others Have to De In
cIuded I'm the CaIcuIntion-A De-
fusion and n Snare.
fusion and n Snare.

| Mr.. Chairman and Gentlemen,--I rise 10
a question Of personal privilege. have
within the last few years been uRspeak-
! ably Inconvenience by the old saying
that two can live cheaper than one" This
false, malicious. and utterly diabolical
statement is the cheese wherewith young
rats are coaxed TO stick their noses into
the matrimonial trap. Thousands are
caught every year by the seductive bait,
and daily more nibblers are smelling
around to see IL they cannot avail them
selves Of this blessing in disguise. When
was a young man, smoking 10-cent
cigars three or four times every day, and
discarding a shirt after l had worn 70
five hours l uSl to hear about this
i0rtune-giylng combination which reduces
expenses. puts money into your pocket,
ana makes you dignihed, independent, and
responsible. Mr.. Chairman and Gentle
men, l take the floor TO refute this old
time fallacy. Don't let yourselves be
fooled. Even supposing two can live |
cheaper than one, what are you going to |
! do when they all line UP at Christmas |
/ times and the two has undergone a mui- |
| iplication which fills every article I'm I
/ your house, from the swinging cradle. |
through successive gradauons Of trun-
die-0eds, TO pallet ON your parlor floor?
il IS then you realize for the first time
that when you were thinking two can
live cheaper than one" you did not count
on two square or two cube. To tell the
truth, even the original two never see a
minute Of a single day when their
dual existence does not treble the costs
Of living. The man no sooner gets mar
ried than everybody sets him down as
having money. and it is then that he
first begins TO pay taxes and to be ex-
pected 10 contribute towards the support
Of orphans and public libraries and old
ladies' homes and poor kinsfok and So
cieties for the prevention Of cruelty 10
animals and gracious only knows what
all All these things are incidents asso-
ciated with his increased dignity, and
presuppose that he has long since aban- I
doned the habit of smoking cigars or
wearing eight shirts a week
e
The sacrificial lamb is henceforth re-
garded as a victim who Is constantly on
the lookout for an opportunity TO deprive
himself OF some comfort and to exem-
plly masculine unselfshness. Fifteen
minutes after he returns from his we'd
ding tour the insurance agents. who mote I
every marriage in the papers, drop I'm on ,
MIN ana threaten death III a thousand :
awful forms You don't know how +
aWIuliy near the grave you are until YOU
ran among insurance agents. After q
three hours interview with ono chat IS
the minimum time they require for an
interview life becomes SO gloomy that I
you can hardly bear up. You tread the y
streets in fear and trembling. Something {
Keeps whispering that death turks i'm !
every footpath, nook, and Granny and
mat IL Is a crime 10 leave your widow.in =
destitute circumstance And so YOU take .
on burden, which, though not lessenlng Il
your chances for immediate dissolution | Il
oompels you to wear a summer suit on b
lays when they are cutting ice on the Il
v
And then there are the floral designs
Or persons who maliciOusly die such
- you wife's fourth cousin and the old
friend Of her fathers, and the wedding
presents for her nieces and nephews. and j
ne Christmas gifts TO various and sundrv le
connections who bob up by virtue of vour
marriage OH it is horrible TO contem- SO
'late. No wonder you get the shivers Ol
'Hu moon around the house with your
yes as big as saucers and a far-awav n,
ook on your face. ~
AND even supposing there are no insu- 8
ance policies and no relatives and ro o
weddings in the family, you cannot for =
Jet the fedgelings in the swinging cradle
ma the trundle-beds. There they are =
ne two three, four, five. six; no, seven. .
or you nave counted the twins as one g
res seven. unless you nave overlooked q
ONE, and every blessed one Of 'em with y
lis head fun Of Santa Claus and clamor- =
ng Tor an express wagon and n Billy =
oat Two can live cheaper than one"t o
keeps popping into your head, and du-
ing your sleep, broken by Intermittent .
quals from the swinging cradle and q
roupy gurglings from Tundle-Bed No.
you dream Of the Old saying and figure
n the awful problem. IL is like the
ightmare Of a child studying fractions. .
mo struggles all night TO divide 12-2 y
pples among SO people, and winds I'D be- q
lrcing one individual TO compromise ON
DO core. In your case you are the one o
no gets this undesirable part Of the
9Dle.