Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1899-03-08
T0ASTS AS WERE TOASTS
after Dooley)

Did yez liver attind a toast. Clancy?
Phwat's a thoast? Divvil fey away wild
yer ignorance, Clancy; a toast is pwhere
vez hov a wake an the SHIFTS are all
%aloive. an suppin' potheen' and maxim
swate spaches an THROWN bookays at
wan another.
1t wor my pleasure to attend a toast
in Losht Dagos, Clancy. Arrah, me
boy: but all av the Numbers av the
leggislachurc an lcadin luminaries av
the bar wor there. Pwhat bar: Amy
old bar, av coorse. The spaches thot
wor rindered wud how swelled yer heart
wild proide to think thot ye VOL a citi-
zen av such a GLORIOUS country. wild
its peerless. 90 model cddicachional fa-
shilities.
livery non what reshponds to a toast
is supposhed to make a spach on the
subjict thot he knows the mosth about.
Fer Instance, General Baker made a
noice spach about the governor: Colonel
Mitchell todd some av the things thot he
knows about wimmen folks: Misther
Backy tills what he knows about eddi-
cashun: and had yez bin there Clancy,
We cud hav todd thin how you carried
the hod to the top av the swim an eight
sthory buildins in Santa Fe whin the
railway sthruck the town widout touch
in it. Av coorse the things thot had
better be lift unsaid are lift out av the
resphonse to a toast.
Whole the spacles are bein' made,
the loidys dish out the champagny
wather and We are to drink until livery
mothers son av a spaker looks loike a
Siamese twin an We feel as important as
Aguinaldo wild his goold pwhistle.
The spaker foorst says, sez he; ''mis-
ther phostmasther an gintlemen.' thin
he launches into the subjick proper wild
booth fate. OF axed the mon who sot
mkt to me phwy the mon at the head
av the table was called ''Misther Phost-
moster, an he toold me thot a Republi-
can down in Poja1ue wantz said ''Oid
ruther be roight then phostmasther,"
want thot a bootiful sintimint, Clancy0
an as iverywan knew thot Misther
Springham was all riogth all av the
tonne, they decided to call him mis-.
Their Phostmasther."
Whin Misther Springham ADDRESSED
the crowd he tindered the kays ay the
city to livery wan av us. 1t was moighty
kind av him. Clancy, fer Oh doubt If an
ordinary kay would fit the locks thot
sthared us in the foice in the marnin'
whin we whit home.
Gineral Baker made a foine spach. He
said thot New Mexico wor bounded on
the north by the north pole, on the south
be the south pole, on the east be the
declaration av indipindencc an on the
west be expansion-to till the truth,
Clancy. eff it had been tin fate wider OF
cudden't walk straight in it to save me
soul. He called attintion to the fact
hot he had hid office in the territory
or eighteen years. He kapes it in his
safe in the day tonne and shleeps wild it
at noight to prevint it from getting away
from him. Clancy.
The normal school received many
complimentary notices which showed
thot the Numbers ay the leggislachurc
wor glad thot they voted to complate 1t
an thot they wnd chip in their lasth
pants button to build All addition to it.
They loiked it so well thot they worsatis-
fed to intrust the future avtheif cbilders
to 1t, an whole don't know a marriage
certificate from a circus phosthcr, Oh fit
the same way meself.
Misther Byrnes made an Eloquent re-
sphonse about the insane asylum. Whin
he vishited the place an looked about
him. he fit SO much at home wild the
surroundings thot he made a spach
favorin the adjustment av the tariff an
shmall pox.
Did yez liver hear Colonel Mitchell
sing, Clancy? No? Well, he hos Il
bootiful vice. In fact, he has siveral
vices, but tho wan which he uses to
wake up the famalc ittindints av the
C~astironlady hotel, at four O'Clock in the
mornin' wild the shtrains av ''Shlcep,
moi lady, sheep" is swatc beyond ex-
prission. Arrah. now, but wouldn't OF
loikc tosec him headin a Saint pathrick's
day parade singing THE Wearin'a NV the
Green or Coon Back to lIcrrin."