The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1899-01-25
PARLIAMENTARY oRAToRY.
Some Pertinent Hints Given by an
Ex-DOorkeeper of the house
of Commons.

When Simpkinson had been in retire
ment some six months or so strange
rumors began to be whispered about
among those members who had known
him best. When his name was men
toned men would look at each other
searchingly, as if asking: Are you
in the know" Or they would retire
mysteriously to secluded corners,
where they raised their eyebrows,
whistled softly, and, in word, signified
their surprise in the usual manner.
The fact is, Simpkinson had
begun 10 give private lessons in parlia-
mentary oratory TO new members and
to others who had never acquired the
art. No mere candidates were received
on any pretext whatever. Indeed, his
pupils had to produce evidence that
they had signed the roll and taken their
seats before they were admitted TO
the Simpkinson sanctum. When once
these preliminaries had been satisfac
torily settled Mr.. Simpkinson well
coined his honorable friends with n
courtly urbanity worthy of Mr.. Speak
er himself.
From repeated conversations l have
had with a few of those who do not
mind owning that they have sat at the
feet of Simpkinson, il is evident that
his course of instruction, followed fixed
and definite lines and varied but little.
Hewould begin: "Yo GU will soon find that
it matters but little what you say in
the house of commons, while every
thing depends on how you say Il. Ac-
curing what is known as the house of
battle. Give 'em plenty of hum and
'haw;' to 'er, 'er,' is human, you know"
he would invariably laugh at this an
cient little jest, though he had made it
a hundred times. He had great success
in this part of his tuition, and the one
instruction which all his pupils faith
fully carried out was contained in the
hint that the house of commons was al
ways impressed when a speaker did not
appear to know what he was talking
about, and had no notion what to say
next.
Having thus grounded the beginner
in the first principles of house of COM
mons oratory- hesitation, a little SIAM
mering, endless repetition, reason
able amount of self-contradiction and
any amount of hum" and ''haw'-Mr.
Simpbinson would proceed to teach a
few of the more necessary formulate.
How and when to remark: Il venture
TO say" or Il have yet to learn lead
ing up by many a subtle gradation to
that final climax reserved for very spe-
cial occasions: Il even go so far as to
venture TO think"-all this was care
fully explained. "All this sort of
thing" he would say, may seem triv
ial to stranger, but it makes all the
difference between success and fail
ure in the house. For instance, if you
were to ask point blank: VIII any
man affirm that two and two make
four? most likely some member would
call out: Yes But if you put it like
this: Will any man come down to the
house, and stand up in his place and
venture to say that two and two make
four" they'll all sit mum. 1t impresses
'em; l don't know why, but it does.
Again, supposing you say something
which is not quite accurate-you know
what I mean-and the other side calls
out: oh, OH all you have to do is to
turn to your men and say very indig
nantly: I am within the recollection
of the house. and if your side knows IFS
business it viii cheer like mad =
Windsor Magazine.
How England Gets Recruits.