The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-04-11
MEDITATIONS OF MR.. D0OLEY.
He Discourses on the "Union of Two
Great Fortunes"
(Chica on JOurnaJO

Chicago Journal.)
"They'se wan thing that always
makes me feel sure iv what Hogan
calls tn safety iv our dimmycratic in
stitutions," said Mr.. Dooley, AN that's
tn Interest tn good people iv New
York takes in a weddin' iv tn millyon-
aires. Amy time MILLIONAIRE condis-
cinds to enter tn marital state, as Ho-
gan says, an as Hogan says, make
VOWS to Hyman, which is tn Jew god
iv marredge he can fill the house an
TURN people away firm the dure. An
he does. TIL sthreet is crowded. TIL
cars can hardly bet through. TIL polls
foorce is out an hammerin' tn heads
" tn delighted throng. Representatives,
of tn free an enlightened press, tn
pollutyem iv our liberties, as Hogan
says, bright, intelligent young journal
lists, liver r-ready to probe fraud an
sham, disgeeSed as walters, is daShin
madly about maxim notes on their
cuffs. Business is SUSPENDED. Theys
no money in Wall Sthreet. It's all at tn
sacred scene. Hour be hour, as tn
prisints ARE delivered, tn bank rates
go up. TIL threeasury department has
to go on silver basis, there bein nc
goold to mannyfacther into plunks.
Inside tn house tn prisints cast a
golden CLEAN on tn beauchious scene.
TIL happy father is seen seated at a
ia BILE dictatin' millyon-dollar checks to
a stenographer. TIL soold chandeliers
is draped with r-ropes iv dimons an
pearls. TIL hired girl is passin' drinks
in golden goblets Twinty firemen
from tn New York Cinthral railroad
is shovelin' dimon-sthudded pickle
crutes into tn back yard among TIL
yachts an hor-rses. Chansy Depoo en-
tiers an thrips over a blk iv bonds.
'Ar-re these tn holy bonds iv matri-
mony? he says, f'r he is a wild diyvle
an We can't stop his jokin', aven on
solemn occasions.
"Th' sOggarth comes in after awhile,
carryin' a goold prayer book, tn gift
iv tn Rothschilds. an stands behind
small but Val-yable pree Doc. To tn
soft, meelojous chune iv TIL Wagner
Palace Weddin' march firm Long Green
TIL groom entherS, simply but iniXpin-
siVely attired in government tours an
fannin' himsilf with bunch iv first
morgedge bonds. TIL prayers FIR tn
occasion, printed on negotiable paper,
is distributed among tn guests. TIL
bride was delayed be tn crowd out
side. Women screamed an waved their
handkerchief, sthrong men cheered an
wept, an twas not until tn polls had
dubbed tin hardy patnrites to death
that tn lady cud enther tn house
where her fate was to be sealed. But
finally she med it, an tn two happy,
happy childher, whose sunshiny youth
riprisinted 5000 miles iv thrack, eight
goold mines, 500, 000,0 900 worth iv rollin'
stock, an a majority inthrest in tn
Chicago stock yards, was r-ready for
the nicissry transfers that wud estab-
lish tn combination.
'Th ceremony was brief, but in
threstin'. TIL happy father forced his
way through Diamond stomachers an
they was tears in his eyes as he hand
ed tn clergyman, whose name was
Murphy. but he carried himsilf as if
he was used to it, handed him a check
for tin millyon dollars. I don't blame
him Divvle the bit. Me own hear-rt
is hard an me eyes ARE dhry, but I'd
break down if | had to hand amy wan
that much. I suppose tn check is
good?' says tn clergyman. Ills certy-
fed says tn weepin' father. Do we
take this check, said tn clergyman, to
have an to hold until some wan parts
We firm ito he says. i do says tn
man. Thin says tn Clergyman. I see
no treason why we shudden't be mar
rid an live comfortable, he says, an
marrid they were, in tn same OF foolish
way that peoples been marrid in FIR
cinchries. 'Tis a wondher to me TIL
ceremony amt changed. TIL time is
comm, Hinnissy, whin millyonaires'll
not be married be Father Murphy, but
be TIL gov'nors iv tn stock exchange.
They'll be put through tn clearin'
house, me faith an securities'll be is
sued be tn combination. Twinty-year,
goold-secured, per clint bonds iv
mathrimony! Aha, It's a joke that
Chansy Depoo might've he'd!
TIL crowd outside waited, cheerin'
an fghtin' tn polls. In this here land
iv liberty an akequality, Hinnissy,
iv'ry man is as good as iv'ry other
man, except a polisman, an it showed
how thrue tn people in New York
is to tn Traditions iv Jefferson that
divvle a wan iv thim'd move away till
tn checked been passed firm father to
son an tn important part iv tn sa-
cred ceremony was over. Thin a few
iv thin wint home to cuk dinner FIR
their husbands who was previnted be
their jooties at tn gas house from at
tindin' tn function. TIL r-rest re-
manned an see tn two gr-reat fortunes
get into their carredge. pursued be tn
guests TO tn amount iv five hundred
millyons, peltin' thin with seed pearls. ;"
Sure said Mr.. Hennessey, ''mebbe
'twasnt as bad as tn papers let on.
Ye can't always thrust thim."
Perhaps not" said MIR. Dooley. 9TH
pa-apers say Two great fortunes
united. an if that's it they didn't need
tn sarvices iv a priest, but a lawyer
an a thrust comp'ny. Perhaps, with
all tn certyfied checks, twas two rale
people that was marrid, an if that's so,
it explains tn prisince iv Father Muir
ply"