Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-11-09
HAD A KICK TO MAKE.
AND HE MADE IT RIGHT TO THE HEAD
OF THE FIRM.
The Kicker Went About Landing His
Protest In a Rather Unconventional
Manner, but the Chances Are He
Got What He Was After.

voice at the central Office.
"Well, don't know that double two
nine is any better than the plain, or
binary two, two, nine, but if you insist
on that style suppose we say double
two single nine and get it exactly right.
Hellol Is that Spotcash & Co. 's2"
eyes" responded the voice at the
other end of the wire.
.''Is Mr.. Spotcash inn"
sis it something important2 He Is
much occupied"
$50 am I. Yes; it's matter of some
Importance, and l want to talk to Mr..
Spotcash personally. Yes; I'll hold the
wire-that is, I'll hold the phone
"Hello!" snapped somebody at this
juncture.
"Hellol Is that Mr.. Spotcash9''
Eyes. Who is it?"
"You are the head of the firm Of
Spotcash & Co., are you not?'
Eyes" was the impatient answer.
What do you want? Who are your"
"Gwilliams, 1875 Pumpernickel
street. want to enter a complaint.
"What about?"
81 bought an icebox at your store a
few days ago, and'-
"Call up the household goods depart
ment, confound youl have no time to
spare to look after such things"
You've got as much time, perhaps,
is have. I haven't any complaint to
make to the household goods depart
ment. The head of the firm is the man
1 want to talk to. I bought an icebox
at your store few days ago for $16.75.
l might have got it cheaper somewhere
else, but that isn't the point. Having
bought it and paid for it, had right
to expect it to be delivered within a
reasonable time and in fair condition.
1t didn't come for four days, and when
it did Gomez
"Say, you, employ men to hear
complaints Of this kind
Il have no use for them. You're the
responsible man of the house. The sys-
tenn is yours. If it doesn' t work smooth
ly, it is your fault. When that icebox
came four days after purchase, one of
the castors was missing, the varnish
was scraped off the outside surface in
more than dozen places, and it looked
as if it had gone through a hard season
at cheap boarding house,
eff there's anything wrong with it, J."
roared Mr.. Spotcash, "send it backl
can't take up my time
"Stand a little farther away from
the phone, Mr.. Spotcash. Your voice
sounds as if you had your mouth full
of mashed potatoes
."Who the devil are your"
Il think gave you my name and
address-Gwilliams 1 95 Pumpernickel
street, next door to Lazarus j. Spill
horn. You don't know me from a
stuffed alligator, but you may have
heard of Spillhorn. Don't you allow
yourself to get hot, Mr.. Spotcash, over
an icebox. The incongruity of such
thing ought to be apparent even to the
head of an overgrown junkshop''-
eff you were here, sir, should kick
you out of my Office
"You would probably need some help.
If that icebox had simply been defaced
little, shouldn't have made any fuss
about it, but the stupid ass you sent to
deliver it,
Haven't you sense enough, you in
fernal idiot, to know that don't look
personally after the little details of a
business amounting to millions of dol
lars year,"
eff you don't grasp every detail of
that business, you Cheap John notion
peddler in a gilt binding, you are not
fit to be the boss of it'll Don't try to
crawl out of the responsibility by
throwing the blame on some boy. If
that icebox had simply been defaced a
little, repeat, shouldn't have made
any fuss about it, but the fellow you
sent to deliver it didn't have any more
sense than to tumble it on the side
walk
Bring it back, blank you"-
"Look here, Spotcash, that won't do.
you know. You are not allowed to talk
in that style over the telephone. Exer-
else a little common sense, Spotcash.
You know it isn't my place to bring
that icebox back. The proper thing to
do, you thirty third degree haberdasher
and toy vendor, is to send lie a new
icebox and take the damaged one
back
"You blank fool, do you think you
can tell me-
"Again let me tell you, Spotcash,
not to use such language over the tele-
phone. Some remote ancestor Of yours
may possibly have been gentleman.
Try to emulate him, Spotcash. In the
meantime please accept the assurances
of my distinguished consideration, and
the icebox will remain in my dwelling
subject to your order. If it is replaced
properly and within unreasonable time,
you will not hear from me again. II ii
isn't, 1 shall call you up, Spotcash, per,
sonally a dozen times day throu Oh all
the public telephones in town. l have
not the patience to call at your store tc
make the complaint. Y our system Of
making exchanges is tc 10 complicated
and 1 believe in going to headqusrter'
with all kicks anyhow. Never allow
yourself to think. Spo leash, that yor
| are too big man to Ii stem to a com
plant from your meant st customer
| think that's all. Good morning, Spot
cash !"-Chicago TribuI le.