The Virginia enterprise. [volume] (Virginia, St. Louis County, Minn.) 1893-19??, 1899-07-28
Y. {. AANNAFoRD, :. Publisher,
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

grass widow?" He-"When Nebuchad-
nezzar was turned out to grass. his wife
was called II grass widow.
Jones-"Are you going to pay me that
account" Smith-"Not just yet" Jones
IF YOU don't I'll tell all your other
creditors that you paid me!'-Stray Sto-
ries.
Regsy-"Ive named my bicycle
Grace"
Peggy-"Why?"
Reggy-"Because I've fallen from it
often.'
man should not tell woman he will love
her always, unless both of them are
young enough to believe it."-Indianapo-
lis Journal
Chappie-"A verted tewibble twadgedy
just now" Chollie-"No! How" Chap
pie-"Man said he would pound me to
nince-meat if did not give him half
cwown, and gave him half cwown."
-TitBits.
I.aty-"Do You know where little boys
go who battle on Sunday?
First Arah-"Yus It's far1er up the
canal side. But you can't 80. Girls
amt lowed."-Punch.
Freddie. said his mother. severely,
didn't tell YOU that you shouldn't ride
your bicycle today, because you were
Freddie; its Tommy Jones We've ex-
changed just for today. "-Harper's Ba
gar.
Mistr.Ss-"Mary, have YOU got man
in the kitchtn?'
Servant NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., mum:
he's my long-lost brother num-"
Mistress ,SarcaSticullyr the
best thing you can do is to lose him
ngain"'-Fun.
&,,l-< >ork
in the war against Spain, Mrs. Par
venu?'
Did he? Well, rather. He run an
army canteen Single-handed from the be-
ginnin till the Spaniards laid down their
arms, '-Detroit Free Press
At Ascot-Lady Larkspur ito Mrs.
Namose'-'>I thought you said you had
tickets for the royal lnclosure: MIS-.
Vamose mot to he beaten)-"Quite right,
my dear, but my husband thought it
would not be quite respectable for me
to go there alone. Punch.
miranda" said Biggs the other day,
how would you like to live in Il nice lit
tie fiat downtoWn?'
Il wouldn't like it at ALL" snapped
Mrs &. After living with one for near
ly fifteen years I've got about all the fat
experience | care for. -kansas City
Journal.
Il was going to ask you to take lunch
con with me today. said one board of
trade man to another. but Sims says
he has invited YOU. Sorry he got in
ahead of me" What time do you
lunch:" AT H. How fortunate.
Sims takes his at II. III be with YOU"
Detroit Free Press.
Sclomon-"Co killed two pirds with
yum stone at his latest fire.
lsaacs-"How vas dat?''
S"lomon-"His whole stock vas de-
stroyel, nndt he purned his hands so
paddy he'll be laid up for months, draw
ing Twenty-Five tollars IL week accident
insurance. "-Brooklyn Life.
Well, how do you like your suburban
home with all the city conveniences? %
asked the cit
Between you and me-" said the man
who had moved lately. that promise of
all city cOnvenienceS proves to be fake.
l have to walk two blocks to get Il
drink. "-Indianapolis Journal.
THE PLANT OF THE PILE DRIVER.
They weave no wreath of laurel
To crown my lofty brow:
The world stops not to listen
When l would raise a row.
They offer men purses
And fame my name has missed.
Yet | can hit much harder
Than any puSilist-
Washington Star.
Here's an example of how familiarity
breeds contempt, he said, as he looked
over the top Of his paper at the rest of
the family
What is it?''
This is Il Kansas paper. and under the
head Of Local lettings it says: There
or four cyclones ripped through the vii
lage since our last issue Detroit Free
Press.
1T is wonderful" said the newly
arrived guest at the mountain resort,
l-ov bor
"Of what were you thinking, sir?''
pleasantly inquired the proprietor.
Il thinking said the guest,
what a magnificent building this was in
the circul lar | saw before leaving the
city six hours ago, and how it has
changed since then.
In some future year." said the citi-
zen with powerful imagination, the
human race will find the sun extinct.
That once glowing orb will cease to shed
ITS rays upon our world. Then what'll
we do:'
What will we do?" echoed the morose
man. who was grinning for the first time
~ weeks; That isn't the question.
What'll the iceman o?"-Washington
Star
Dumas the elder was not in the habit
Of counting his money, but did so once.
afterward leaving it on the mantel while
ne left the room for a few minutes
When ne returned, and was giving some
instructions to servant, he mechanical
found y louis missing Well" he said
with sigh. considering that I never
counted my money before, | can't saw
it pays.
Il speak for myself" as the ishono-
graph said.
I'm so tied down." as the parcel said
Ian Ia you oblise me with Il match p
vnE f,fn 4
"Oh. | do feel dicky," as the Snarro,v
said. '"e 'par'o"
am bent on getting there" as tho
Scorching Cyclist said
said.-Judy. ""''
The kind old face Of the stranger nailed
little. it is true p"'e'
Why do you murder me?'' he asked
OUT manlsfestlng no Impotence.
The woman laughed bitterly.
Unless l murder somebody can't lec-
tire, and unless lecture / shall starve",
she shrleked, looking very beautiful in
me gown of soft, clinging stuff which
~ nad now become usual to wear upon
such Occaslons.-Detroit Journal,
ACHIEVED HIS AIM.
He said that in the growing west he,d rico
to lofty hight, ~ i''e
IT., To- station far above the common herd;
me- ne h leader :h too' of men who'd recog
And Slavishly obey his slightest word.
Long did he seek for eminence his motto
do or die.'' ~ ''''o
Pr1cked onward by ambitions cutting
gOad, ''s
Until he, he won position most unquestionably
He's section foreman on the Pixies Peak
ROAD. Denver Post
Pedro" shrieked the wrathy Filipino
leader, this scoundrel has dared to criti-
else my policy
He has, general
Then order drumhead courtmartial
Mt once"
Alas, general" groaned the unhappy
aide, 1T can't be done"
Cant be done! What do you mean
by that?'
General. the Internal Yankees have
captured the whole brass band."-Ex-
change.