Mesa free press., 1899-10-06

"He isn't even friendly with the girl
he was engaged to, is he" "No. When
she sent the ring back she labeled the
box 'Glass-with care life.
"You ought to hear our new rector
read the service. He's right up to
date" "How does he read it?' I'm
ragtime. cleveland Plain Dealer.
Henpeck-There'll be no parting in
heaven, you know. Friend-That's So;
If you want a divorce, old fellow, you'd
better attend to it on this side.-Life.
She-"He says he loves me; yet he
has only known me two days." Her
friend-"Well, perhaps that's the rea-
son, dear."-Philadelphia North Ameri-
can.
A vocalist was warbling, to her own
great satisfaction, "Oh, would 1 were
a bird!' when a rough miner shouted
out, "Oh, would 1 were gunv'-Tit-
Bits.
"That was an excellent sermon that
heard last Sunday" "What did the
minister preach aboutY "Just about
fifteen minutes, eve."-Kansas
City Star.
Benny-"Did you see that fish jump
right out Of the water just now?" Papa
Yes" Benny-"Well, what in the
world did he jump off when he jump
edT-Harper's Bazaar.
"I'm burning upr' gasped the fat man
with the fan. "I'm burning up" Eyes,
sir" remarked the sympathetic wit on
the back seat. 81 see that you are
smoking. g."-Chicago News.
DR.. puffer-"Fact is, it's hard for
me to keep track of all my patients.
Fogg-"Yes, seeing that when mar
dies his name is dropped from the di-
rectory."-Boston Transcript
Mamma-Susie, what do you mean
by all this noise? See how quiet Will
lie is. Susie-Of course he's quiet, ma
that's our game. He's papa coming
home late, and I'm you.-Tit-Bits.
Uneasy Passenger ION an ocean
teamship)-Doesn't the vessel tip
frightfully? Dignified Steward-The
vessel, mum, is trying to set~a good
example to the passengers.-Tit-B Bits.
Denny-Th' captain told me to kape
away from tn inemy's foire. Larry
Phwat did ye till him! Denny-I told
him tn inemy wuZ so busy shootin'
they hadn't made my foire.-Chicago
News.
Gladys-"Do you go in the surf
muchY" Evelyne Haven't been
bathing all summer" Uncle Josh (as
they pass)-"Well, thet beats me! Why,
tn gal looks clean enuf."-Ohio State
Journal.
'sThere are two things by which you
can always tell the truly great mar"
said the philosopher. What are they?"
asked the thoughtless one. 'What he
doesn't say and what he does."-Chi-
cago Post.
Visitor-"Do they treat you we'll
here?" Prisoner-"Yes, indeed. The
only thing 1 have to complain Of is
their lack Of confidence in me. They
refuse to give me a latchkey."-Son-
dags-Nisse.
Trotting Thomas-I wish / could
turn myself into a rumor for few
moments. Walking William-What
for? Trotting Thomas-Why, they say
rumor gains currency.-Yonkers
Statesman.
'This," remarked the professor, care
fully removing the postage stamp from
the envelope Of letter he had con-
cluded not to send, "is what might be
called getting off a good one.' '"-Chica-
go Tribune.
was in such an ugly mood to-day, I
thought it best to call in policeman"
Newed (astonished)- What! To arrest
herY Mrs. Newed--"Oh, no-to pacify
her."-Brooklyn Life.
The Benedict-"When l am away
from home my wife writes to me every
day." The Bachelor-"Well, it's your
own fault. Why don't you leave her
enough money to last few daysY"-
New York Evening World.
Cannibal King-"I think l have eaten
something that did not agree with
me-" Medicine Man-"It must have
been that missionary. You remember
he differed with you on several theo-
logical questions. New York Journal.
Freddie" said his mother severely,
didn't l tell you that you shouldn't
ride your bicycle to-day because you
were naughty" '"This isn't my bicy-
cle," said Freddie. "Its Tommy
JONES' We've exchanged just for to-
day."-Harper's Bazaar.
Clara (at the seaside)-"That fellow
who Just came In is nothing but a dry
goods clerk" Maud-"How do you
knowW Clara-"When the driver gave
him a bill in change he involuntarily
held it over his head and felt for the
cash trolley hOx."-Puck.
Mister" said the seedy individual,
addressing prosperous citizen, would
Won kindly favor a worthy but unfOr-