Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1899-04-19
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bleman?" NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
Miss Mary, Al you sorry that your
sister Evelyn is tarried?" "No; 1t ad-
vances me one nunber."-Chicago Rec
ord.
eyes," he said, when was young
was eagerly sougL after" "Whnt re-
ward was offered asked the sweet
young girl.
She-This is too tuch! won't bear
1t any longer! Tomorrow shall re-
turn to my mother He-My dear-is
that threat-or a romise7
'Uncle. what bredof chickens is the
best" "Well. sab, b white ones is de
mo- easiest found, All de dahk ones Is
de easiest hid arter 20 gets 'em."-In-
dianapolis Journal.
First cook (readina-Wanted, to go
to Connecticut flrst,lass cook. Good
wages. Second cook-iiver on yer loife.
Sure, isn't that where tey make alarum
clocks?-Jewelers' Weekly.
II hear that you ASSISTED ut the post
mortem examination II your old enc
N.Y." said Gaswell to surgeon Of his
acquaintance. Eyes; l ut him dead."-
Pittsburg Chronicle-Teegraph.
Mrs. Notwithstanding this game Of
golf that's in the papers SO much. any
how? Farmer HornbeR-Wal, SO fur
as l kin make out, it's nothin' but .
kind of solitaire croquet-Puck.
Have you given MFR. /. talelght any
encouragement askedthe Impatient
mother. mo, mamma" replied the con-
fdent daughter; 80 far haven't found
1t necessary. Brooklyn life.
Mrs. Dash-How dreadful about your
uncle drowning himself IL your bath
tub! Mrs. Cash-Yes; was,'t 1t hard?
1t scared the cook SO that we had to
move into another house immediately.
Mrs. Naborly-ls your aunt on your
mothers or fathers side, Johnny?
Johnny-Oh, sometimes on ore side and
sometimes on the other. Depends on
who's getting the best of it.-Brooklyn
Life.
Angy New-Yes, l quareled with the
leading man, and, as all the others in
the company sided with him. resign
ed. Sue Brette-But didn't anyone take
your part? Angy New-Only my under
study.-Town Topics.
"Mr. Gizzley seems to be very deep
thinker" remarked the impressionable
young woman. YES" replied Miss
Cayenne; "he can't talk five minutes
without getting away beyond his
depth. "-Washington Star.
What! A man with nose the color
of yours expects me to believe that he
has lived on water for three months?"
said the lady at the door. "Yes'm," said
the tramp; you see, I'm sailor Just
ashore."-Yonkers Statesman
Cripple Creek Is great on etiquette. A
man out there met little girl with
whose family he is very intimate. and
said: Hello. Edith! How are your
The little miss drew herself up and re-
piled: Use very well. but amt no tel
ephone."-Hotel Reporter.
"Who lives in that little shanty
across the street," THAT is where
Meterkin, the celebrated poet, lives"
"Ah! And who lives in yonder mansion
on the hill?" "That is the home of
fellow who once wrote some fool verses
Of a popular song."-Cleveland Leader.
Miss Smart-Oh. yes: we had a lovely
time at the bali. Dr.-Dr.-Dr.-oh,
dear, l always forget your last name.
DR.. Smythe tpatronizingly modest
oh, never mind! just cnll me simple
doctor" Miss Smart lquickly.-All
right, simple doctor. (Total collapse Of
Smythe.)-Judge.
He-What sort of footstool was
that you gave your husband? She
What are you talking about? l didn't
give him any footstool.. gave him
a beautiful hand-worked cover for the
mantelpiece. He-Oh, that was 1t. I
know he told me 1t was something he
could put his feet on.-Yonkers States
man.
"This here last war;" remarked the
old lady, has been a blessin' TO my
family; Johns DRAWN of n big pension
fer one ear an three fingers; the ole
mans writin' a war history: Moll's en-
gagged to a sergeant; an Jennic's gwine
to marry Teller that come within an
ace of bein' a ginruly'-Atlanta Constl-
tuition.
Deacon Hardacre-And SO you seen
that ere spectacle show that they're oil
talkin' about, did you? Elder N:pper-
son-Yep. Deacon Hardacre--How did
you come to do It, Ligei Elder Nipper-
son-Well, RUDE Handy. he said 1t
wasn't fit for decent person to look Mt,
and wanted to find out whether he
knowed or not. I've always had my
suspicious Of Rube.-Cleveiand Lender.
Boatswain Ito newly Joined cadeU-
Come, my little man, you mustn't cry
on board Of one of her Majesty's ships
of war. Did your mother cry when you
left? Cadet-Yes. sir. Boatswain- Silly
old woman! And did your sister cry7
Cadet-Yes, sir. Boatswain-- Stupid lit
tie thing! And did your father cryF
Cadet-No, sir. Boatswaln--'Ard'ea cart
ed old beggar!-Punch.
"There is a cat sits every night OH our
back fence" he explained to the law
yer, 'and he yowls. and yowls. and
yowls. Now, don't want to get into
any trouble with my nelghbor, hut l
would like to know If am not justified
in putting stop to it." Certainly"
replied the lawyer. 81 am well within
my rights If shoot the cat. then:' he
inquired, gleefully. "Um. well. 1 would
hardly say that" answered the lawyer;
'the cat does not belong to you. as /
understand it?" NO" "And the
fence does?" "Yes." We'll. then, L
think may safely say that you have Q
perfect right to tear down the fence
Chicago Post.