Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1899-11-03
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oner at the bar?' "Oh, yes, that's
where l got acquainted with him"
The summer-garden: Jaggles -
what have the theatrical managers
done to elevate the stage?" Waggles-
Moved it up to the root" Judge.
The novice-"Do you find it hard
work, my boy?" The caddie-"Well, de
hardest parts keepin from laughin'
when de guys miss de ball."-Puck.
"Did that woman give any reason for
attempting suiclde?" "Yes, your hon
or" what was it?' "She SAYS she
wanted to kill herself."- Chicago Rec.
ord.
Browne-"Waiter, bring me dozen
oysters on the half-shell." Waiter
Sorry, sab, but we's all out of shell
fish, sab, 'ceptin' s."-Rochester
! Union and Advertiser.
She (coquettishly)-"I read the other
day, Cousin Charley, that marriage is
declining" He Qnspired)-"Oh, that's
quite wrong. Marriage is-accepting."
(Seizes the opportunity and proposes.)
Punch.
what are you signing for?' asked
the Registry Department OF the Dead
Letter Office. mo one has so many
rejected addresses as l." was the sor-
rowful reply. - Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
Minister-"My poor woman, you must
be full of regret for the awful crime
you committed" Condemned murder
ess-"Yes; should have done it twen-
ty years ago, when l was young and
beautiful."-Judge.
"My husband" said Mrs. Malaprop,
sis just crazy over the opening of the
fishing season. He can't think or talk
of anything else" "Fond of the sport,
is hep" asked her friend. well 1
should say so! He's a regular Anglo
maniac"
Mrs. Jackson-"Speakin' oh your hus-
ban, Mrs. Wimple, did he evah convey
to you dat he done propose to me befo'
he married your Mrs. Wimple-
"'Deed he didn't! He was so ashamed
OBJ some OBJ de fings he did dat nevah
insisted upon a confession.
An exchange of Shots Mr.. Wedd
(spitefully)-"You look as If you had
been rubbing your face all over the in
side Of powder-factory. Mrs. Wedd
(sweetly malicious)-"Perhaps l have,
love; but it is smokeless powder and
doesn't smell like barroom. Judge.
"Well, old man, 1 guess l better 60
home. My wife will raise holy row,
even as 1t is" "Why don't you do as l
do when you find you have stayed out
too late" what do you do?' 81 Just
keep on staying out until know she is
scared and will be overjoyed to see
me-"
"In the spring young mans fancy
lightly turns to thoughts Of love-" he
said. She sighed and shook her head.
That's the trouble" she replied "they
turn lightly instead of seriously" For
she was a girl who had been through
several spring engagements.-Chlc
Post.
, Tommy" said father to his pre-
cocious 5-year-old son and heir, "your
, mother tells me she gives you pennies
to be good. Do you think that is right"
| "Of course 1t is," replied Tommy; "you
1 certainly don't want me to grow up and
be good for nothing, do you|-Chicago
News.
A young hopeful sat In the window a
long time the other night during q
thunderstorm, and contemplated the
= scene with a wise look on his face.
Then he turned to his mother. and said:
Mamma, the angels are scratching
= matches on the sky" - Household
; Words.
, A different commodity: Mrs. Newly
, wed-"I don't see why you are in such
1 hurry to get to work, mornings. You
[ used to say that you could love me
D through all eternity" Mr.. Newlywed-
9 "And so l can and will, dearest; but
h time on earth Is more valuable, you
know."-Judge.
= Mr.. Courtney (fiatteringly)-'T had
the blues awfully when came here to-
night, Miss Fisher, but they are all
gone now. You are as good as medi-
cine" Miss Fishers little brother
"Yes; father says she'll be a drug in
the market If she doesn't catch on to
. some fellow n."-Tit-Bits.
An unavailable Endorsement: Clerk
= Ito patent medicine man)-"Here Is a
curious credential from one of our Gus
y toners" Medicine man-"Read it."
Clnrk-M lRnfora took vnnr EliYir m "