davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
For MIX Trains.

First Farmer-lt's wonderful, these
improvements they're making.
Second Farmer-Yes, it is.
"Why, do you know, they've got a
continuance now so they can take up
water on n train while the pesky things
a-going?"
"Well, suppose that's so they can
water the milk when going into the
city without losing any time."-Yon'
kers Statesman.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
To lie More Accurate.

nouseholder-Do you pretend to
say that this meter measures the
amount of gas we burn?
Inspector will enter into 10 con-
troversy, sir, but l will say that the
meter measures the amount of gas you
have to pay for.-Detroit Free Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Giving n Blessing.

REV. Billwhacker received a pres
ent Of dressed chicken Tuesday.
Wednesday a church brother from
out of town brought his family of five
to eat dinner at the parsonage, and
they were a little puzzled when the
parson said grace"
"What did he say?"
''The Lord giveth and the Lord
taketh away."-Judge.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Cruel Girl.

Clarence-I don't know what's tho
matter with me. feel like fool to-
night.
Myrtle-Now know he was wrong.
Clarence-Who was wrong?
Nyrtle-The man that said looks are
deeeiving Chicago Daily News.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

"The human frame" said the profess
sor, lecturing at the high school for
girls, changes completely once in
seven years. You, for instance, Miss
Budde," he continued, turning to a
pretty girl of IT, when you are "a, will
virtually be Miss Budde no longer"
'Indeed, professor, hope not" she
said, with pretty blush.-Tit-Bits.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
just What He Supposed.

"Confound it, sirl Do you think my
feet were made for fool to walk on ?"
exclaimed the angry man to the fell
low who had stepped on his corn.
yes; that was what I supposed"
replied the stranger.-Yonkers States
man.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

PhiIanthropist with tears Of joy)-
Oh! you good man! You say you have
been second-story thief all your life.
but you wish to do better2
Criminal (fervently)-Yes, lady; il 1
ever git out NV here alive I'll be first
class bank sneak or nuthin'.-Puck.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Heard in Irelan IL.

Ladies and gentlemen" said an
Irish manager to an audience of three,
''as there is nobody here I'll dismiss
you all. The performance of this night
will not be performed. but will be re.
peated tomorrow evening.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

81 suppose" said the frequently dis
appointed politician, that may refer
to my latest experience as "a historic
defeat"
"Yes," answered the somewhat sati-
rical friend; Gin the sense that history
repeats Observation-Disclosures Star.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

Gracious" exclaimed one of the
guests at Chicago wedding, "who is
that crying?'
"It's only my little sister," replied
the young son of the bride. "She al
ways cries when mas gettin' married"
Town Topics.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Atmosphere.

Friend (criticising picture) - Your
winter effect is excellent; it fairly
makes one SILVER to look at 1t.
Artist-No wonder, old man, I began
that picture in December, and had to
pawn my overcoat to buy the canvas
Town Topics.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Ar Aversion.

AIT AVefstom.
ia rather have q man come out
And tell his feelin's square.
Than go to talkin' round about
With an indulgent air
An say: "Oh, yes, your friendn cut
A wider swath than most,
He's we'll above the average. But
An then you get the roast"
] hate to see that man come round.
wish that he'd keep still.
In everything he's said I've found
"A sugar-coated pill.
An after this. I'll let him strut
An have his naughty say.
I'll listen till he gets to But"
An then I'll run away.
-Washington Star.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Mr.. Anbury Peppers.

"These peace at any price people"
said the lingo boardery ARE lot of
old women"
woman" continued Asbury Pep
pers, twas always fond of remnants
at rgain."-Cincinnau Enquirer.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
A KIondrke sfiser.

Dawson Dave-Placer Pete is regu-
lar old miser-one of the greedy, grasp
ing kind.
Juneau Jake-That's right. They say
that every evening the old skinflint gets
out his pan of crackers and counts 'em
and gloats over 'em like men do over
their money in the story books.-Up to
Date
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

do you know" remarked Mrs. OAR
ley, 81 rather wish that the report
would prove true that the United
States is to buy Greenland?"
"WhyP" asked her husband.
'In that case, From Greenland's Icy
Mountains would become one Of our
national hymns. Judge.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

Our left leg has been shot off sew
eral weeks, and no pension yet. This
is about the slowest government we
ever served under.
We don't know where this govern
ment is going. All we do know is that
we're mixed up with it, and we've got
to go along.-Atlanta Constitution.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
No deviation.

Agitated Young Bridegroom Gimme
diately after the ceremony)-Serena,
shall--shnll I-shall we-shall we kiss?
Self-Possessed Bride (her third ex-
perience)-It is my usual custom. Will
liam.--Harlem Life.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Musical.

She--Have you heard Songs With
cut Words?"
He-I'vs heard lot Of them without
music.
After that the incident and the
piano were 0losed.-Indianapolis Jour
nal
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Could Not Explain II.

Master-How was it saw you hand
ing your friends in the kitchen my best
cigars?
Mary-I can't tell. sir, for the life of
me; for I'm sure covered the key-hole.
Tit Bits.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

81 do hope you are a soldier" she
said.
"well" he replied, guardedly, IT
went to the war"
As that seemed to satisfy her, he
really did not see the necessity OF add
Ing that it was with the commissary
department.-ChiGago Post.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Calves Running with Cows.

At this season of the year, when cat
tie are allowed to run in the barnyards
together, it is often a question whether
II is advisable TO allow spring calves
to run in the same yards with their
dams, still giving milk. We never
found any such trouble. Sometimes
the calf will remember the sucking
habit and may try to get near the COW
TO suck. But almost invariably the
COW will drive the calf away Cows at
this season do not give enough milk
TO cause pressure on their bags, and
a six-months-old calf is more apt IL
Il tries to suckle to hurt the COW than
10 relieve her. 1t is WELL however,
TO watch the COW and calf together,
The COW will pretty plainly show that
she remembers her offspring. but evil
IDENTIFY sees that 1t is able to take care
of itself without sucking her for its
food.-American Cultivator.
VERY NEATLY PUT.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

katherine, you will always find me
an indulgent husband"
"Do you mean indulgent to me or in
dulgent to yourself%-Chicago Daily
Record
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
THE NEW EMPIRE APRON.

made at home or purchased for a small
amount; in either case a half yard OF
goods is sufficient for the front and
back.
The back and side widths of the apron
are slightly gored to give it more shape,
but the front breadth is made very full
so that when gathered upon the yoke it
falls in folds not unlike those noticed in
empire effects.
Straps are made of the apron materi-
al finished upon the shoulders with
small bows of ribbon. The sash is also
of lawn trimmed only with two or three
rows OF tucks above the hem. The skirt
of the apron has also groups of tuoks
around the foot.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
The INV of RenRaI.

The greatest bay on the face of the
earth is that of Bengal. Measured in
a straight line from the two inclosing
peninsulas, it's extent is about 100000
square miles.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
sheer Rnscality.

Her golden hair was hanging down her
back.
She looked 30 young. and fair. and gay,
and clipper!
She felt sudden tug, and then-alack!-
Her golden hair was gone with Jack the
Clipper.
Chicago Tribune.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Only Doing one of tn. Things.

Janitor Ito tramp)-Don't you see
the sign that says no begging and loi-
tering is allowed hereP
Tramp Qndignantly)-I'm not beg
ging and lettering. I'm only begging,
N. Y. World.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
She Knew.

"Is there any jam in the cupboard?'
asked the boy.
"Have you been there ?" inquired hi
mother.
"Yes."
Then there isn't."-Chicago Post.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Disappointed.

'They are very careless about be-
slowing names in this country" re-
marked the critical tourist.
"Some names are rather inappropri-
ate"
"Absurdly so. Why, 1 was in Indian
apolis two weeks and did not see a
single Observation-Disclosures Star.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
Crowded out.

81 asked her if she thought she could
learn to love me-"
"What did she sayP"
"She said she couldn't-beeause she
was already studying Spanish and
learning to SWIM" - Detroit Free
Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
What Did He MeanH

First Private-You look done fer, Bill.
Are you goin' T. tn hospital?
Second Private-Naw, 1 don't feel
able.-Detroit Free Press.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

81 wonder why Keeks wears glasses;
know he doesn't need them"
''They say it is because he Is such n
suspicious beggar."
"Why, what has that got to do with
it?"
"He can't believe his own eyes."--N.
Y. Truth.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

Lives OF wealthy men remind us
That, no matter what we're worth.
Each succeeding day will find us
Striving on TO get the earth.
illustrated American.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
High Heels cause nynterIa.

A foreign savant has declared that
most prevalent cause OF hysteria
In women is high-heeled shoes, and
that II the Objectionable boots were
abandoned the hysteria will cease
Chicago Tribune.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
The First symptom.

"T'm afraid my wifes affection for
me is cooling"
"Why?"
"When she bade me good-by this
morning she didn't say: BE sure and
hurry home as early as possible -
Cleveland Leader.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

She-What profession do you fol-
low?
He-The medical profession.
Shs-Ah! then you're a doctor?
He-Oh, no; I'm an undertakeri'-
n. Y. World.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

The Cashier-There goes our book
keeper. III bet that he absconds some
day.
The Come-on-He looks crooked
N. Y. Journal.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

We know of no business where the
careful attention to details counts for
as much as in the dairy business.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
A Forecast.

Laura-Yes; Ida is engaged.
Lilian-She has met her match. has
she?
Laura-Oh. mol l think the gentle
man will find himself decidedly out
classed.-Puck.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24

Excelsior.

A large turtle affords eight pounds
of tortoise she'll
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
An OVERSIGHT.

'-The paths of glory lead but to the grave"
A pessimistic poet once did truly say,
And he might have also truthfully added
that
Paths lnglorious lead the self-same way.
Chicago Daily News.
The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1899-02-24
T

Mrs. Peck-I dreamt last night that l
was deaf and dumb.
Mr.. Peck-Yes. heard you talking
In your sleep.-N. Y. Evening Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-03-02
SAGE GIVES WARNING.
Says New Industrial Stocks Must Be
Cautiously Handled.

New York., March Russell Sage,
when asked today his opinion of the
outlook in Wall street, first pointed out
the unknown quantity of coming crops
and the possibilities of the money mar
ket as the April settling season through
out the middle west approached.
But there is one feature of the sit
uatiOn at present which should receive
the most careful consideration from in
vestors,' said Mr.. Sage. by investors.
I mean the thousands and thousands or
people throughout the country who are
DESTROYS of investing their savings or
newly made wealth. OF couse, the
smaller spectators who do not follow
the real meaning of popular movements
an Wall street are also concerned.
1.-The large number of industrial secur-
titles which have been put upon the
market may miSlea.d investors and re-
suit in innocent people losing their
money. Not many of these industries
have had time to prove whether when
consolidated in groups they have a real
value or not. Time and talent alone
will develop their possibilities or impos-
SibiIities and show whether the securi-
ties based upon them are satisfactory
fields of investment. 1t will be no easy
effort on the part of the managers of
most of them to place them in the list
of safe investments.
"Yet, nearly every consolidated con-
Germ that is brought out and whose
shares are offered to the public is back
ed by a prospectus, into which the
names of prominent men are in one way
or another worked, which gives the i'm
preston of a guarantee of great divi-
dends for all time to come.
1t is not necessary perhaps to recall
the past. New conditions are dWelt
upon and conservative financiers are
occasionally referred to as behind the
times 1t will not, even in the present
condition of affairs, be a long time be-
fore we shall see whose houses are in
order when some OF the bloom has worn
away.
MANY of these concerns are started
with a view to profit with very little
risk to the men who engineer them, and
expect to draw in innocent investors.
The public should be very cautious
when considering an investment in these
1nduStrialS and not only make certain
that 1rreprOachable managers are be-
hind, but look into the history of the
industries themselves. In some cases
they will find a lot of concerns COM
bined, some of which have never done
anything but lose money, some of which
have never made a cent and a few
that have perhaps paid some dividends.
Il say what L do for the benefit of
solid industry and investments and the
good of Wall street. If time is taken
to weed the good from the bad and I'M
through without regard to the simplest
laws of finance and mortality, Wall
street will continue an active field of
effort, but shall this industrial specuIa-
ton go on unchecked, we shall have a
crash and then a long period of mac
tiVity, and all Wall street will bemoan
the lack of business.
Already some of these industrialS
have been pushed to dangerous point"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-03-02
BROUGHT UP IN INCUBATOR

TFrom the Philadelphia Record-1
Ever since the sly little creature tuck
ed away in her incubator cradle heard
her grandfather, Philip d. Armour, OF
Chicago, say that if she lived he would
give her half a million dollars for her
grit she has done nothing but grow,
until now Solita Armour is years old
and is as sturdy and pretty as any baby
which the storks bring into the world
under better conditions.
When she first made the acquaintance
of her papa and mamma, Mr.. and Mrs.
J. Ogden Armour, of Michigan avenue,
Chicago she weighed only three pounds,
and the doctors told her grandfather
that maybe an incubator might save
her life.
Now, if there is anything in the world
Mr.. Armour wanted it was a little
granddaughter. The two lively grand
sons at his son Philips house were very
dear to him and made him think some
times that they were a dozen, but there
was one spot in his heart that ached
for at least one tiny granddaughter, so
he sent right out for the finest incu-
bator that money would buy.
rolled up in cotton and linen, was put
in there and kept warm and comfort
able, just like the little baby chickens,
and went to work trying hard to stay
alive. And when the scales showed that
the little baby was going to be healthy
and grow up, Mr.. Armour was so pleas
ed that he gave the little miss all that
money-a half a million dollars.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-03-02
Hobson's Naval Predecessor.

The case of Lieutenant Hobson, in
the matter of being kissed, is not sing
ular in the history of the American
navy. The young woman of st. Louis
who first kissed Hobson on his return
to New York may never have heard of
similar greetings to Captain Joshua
Barney, of the Continental navy, while
visiting France in 1882, but the case of
Captain Barney furnished a precedent.
Captain Barney was a great fighter at
sea, almost as bold and successful as
John Paul Jones. Captain Barney cap
tured many British ships, and was often
made a prisoner, but he had a great
faculty for escaping from prison or Sc
curing freedom by exchange. The list
of his naval battles during the revolu-
ton is long. He was a gallant and
handsome man, an American by birth
and training, and when he went to
France in 1882, in the ship General
Monk, which he had captured from the
British, he was received with every
mark of favor at the court of Louis
XVI, where DR.. Franklin was also a
great favorite. Captain Barney was so
profusely kissed by the worshipfuI la
dies of the court, because of his success
against Britain, that some American
wag made song about him.-From the
Rochester Democrat and Chronicle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-03-02

refuse to take advantage of my sisters
But alas! L did nothing of the sort
Eve left me a full heritage of curiosity
and I was just wild to see what was in
those notes. L was tempted, and fell. I
read them, 1 even criticised them, fors
you see am interested in the man..
was altogether horrid and dishonorablei
but one thing the incident did for me:
resolved instantly that never would that
any more than innocent L via be
pleased to have you,' ETC. He won't even
get that if he can be reached by tele-
phone. was very much disappointed in
him, for these were IoVeriSh letters, you
understand.
1.-TWO other men whom know DON'T
hesitate to say that they read each others
mail. Indeed, one of them does most OF
the correspondence for the firm, and X
answer to the letter which it is necessary
should be responded to Immediately, the
latter copying it docilely at his leisure.
For three weeks in this way the one was
writing to the others fiancee, while she,
poor girl, was pouring out her heart to
her betrothed. innocent that the outpour-
ings were read by this rank outsider, who,
having no sympathy in the matter. must
have had no end of amusement out of It.
81 tell you, it's a, long headed girl who
never writes anything in a letter to man
that she doesn't mind select cOterie of
his friends seeing-fance or no fiance.
There is a general idea that only very
young men are addicted to this custom,
but that is mistake. know men of 80.
which is certainly an age of discretion.
who have no more conscience about show
but it's true. I know because they show
them to me-"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-03-02
DEFENSE OF DIR. BUCK.
It Seems That Some Kansas City Pa
per Has Been Saying Something.
North Topeka, March 1, 1899.

North Topeka, March 1, 1899.
To the Editor Of the State Journal:
Please allow me space to reply in a
few brief words to an article in the
Kansas City Star of Sunday, February
&c, 1899, headed ITO Reform the Reform
School,.
That whoever the writer of that ar
ticle is, let it be he or she, is as far off
from telling the truth in the first part,
all relating to DR.. J. f. Buck, as the
sun is from him or her. 1t is false in
every detail-not a single sentence true.
Whether it was manufactured news, or
whether it was stated to the writer of
the article as truth, 1t IS as raise as
hadeS. I know whereof speak. I was
a member of the legislature in 1881
when the building had already been
built. Hon. 7. NJ. James of North To-
peka was the member in 1880, and he
got the first bill through the legislature
to make an appropriation to buy
grounds and build the building. In 1881
when I was a member, the building was
completed, and the Rev. Mr.. Eckles, a
member Of the house from Reno coun-
ty, was made superintendent by ap-
pointment of Governor ST. John. The
building was built per plans and
specifications of the architect, according
to the law of 1880. DR.. Buck was at
that date at the head of a reformatory
school in Ohio, and was not known
even by a single member of the legis-
lature or by Governor st. John. Dr.
Buck did not come to the state till 1882
He knew nothing about the reform
school building till he came here. 1t
was nearly all completed before he
came. He had nothing to do with 1t;
and what the writer of the article says
is false in every word. AS to the part
of the management of the school in re-
gard to Mr. and Mrs. Buck, it is false
in every word. 1 had pride in the
school at that time, as I now have;
often visited the school, knew all about
the running of it in every detail; and
every word of said article is false from
my personal knowledge of the school.
J. H. FOUGHT.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-03-02
ALAsKA's OPEN WINTER.
Forty-two Degrees Below Zero is Con-
sidered Worthy of Mention.

City of Seattle has arrived from Alaska
after stormy trip. She had a number of
passengers who brought late news from the
interior. G. T. Howard left Rampant City
about December. Is. He brings a story
started out late in October to go from
Rampant City to Koyukuk river. They
employed John Folger, an old time miner
of the lower Yukon, to guide them across
the country. All had as heavy packs of
provisions as they could carry, but only
enough for flying trip.
After they had been three days the
trail a snow storm came up. They were
nearing the mountain range which Separ-
ates the Yukon from the Koyukuk. The
sible for them to go on. The fasteners
would not turn back, and finally per-
Suaded him to go on, although he told
them it was as much as their lives were
worth. Three of the party turned back
and reached Rampant safely.
up and the Thermometer dropped to AZ de-
grees below zero. Late in November
party arrived from Koyukuk and reported
that the men under Folger had not arriv-
ed. Other parties have been in since but
have heard nothing. of them. Mr.. How
w. P. Mcdonald, United States mail
carrier, who left Circle City January 90
brought 60 pounds of mail. He says that
the first mail from St. Michael since naVi-
were two stampedes from Circle city to
Mckinley and Weber creeks, about 80
lieutenant Cashier of the Fourth United
States infantry, whose thrilling expert
days ago, was a passenger on the City of
Seattle.