The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1899-10-25
BRYAN'S FUNNY STORIES.
A Few Little Jokes the Great Lead
er Uses to Emphasize
His Points.

"hihm VeunihRe Drybu 10 III ~
sense q humorist, but he sometimes tells
funny story to emphasized point. His
lighter efforts are more in the line Of
wit than humor. His thrusts are deliver
ed suddenly and in epigrammatic form,
as when he says: II know we can whip
the Filiplnos. I here affirm we can
whip the Filipinos. Spain had them al
most whipped, after fighting 800 years,
and then sold rs the option on the fight
for SEQ, 900, OOO."
when the income tax bill was up
they told me the rich Democrats would
leave the party il it was passed. l
didn't think 50. but found 1 did not
know the rich Democrats. 1 then said
the poor Republicans will be with us,
but 1 found did not know the poor
Republicans. II the poor Republicans,
when they saw the rich Democrats com.
ing over to their party, only had the
Judgment of the Irishman who was
driving Q mule, all would have been
well. As the Irishmsn was driving
along in q buggy, the mule stopped,
looked around at him and began kick
ing. He kicked the harness to pieces
and finally put his hind legs over the
dashboard. All right, says Pat, if you
want to come in, why come in-but
If yez do, I'll get outi'"
1.-THE Republican policy in the Phil
ippines reminds me of the prayer of the
old colored man. 1t illustrates the diff
ference between being on Gods side
and wanting God on your side. He
said when he prayed to God to send
him chicken he seldom got one, but
when he prayed to God to send him
after chicken he always got one. My
friends, the Republicans are praying
God to send them after chickens. They
have already got the Philippine zoos
ter"
"Mark Hanna said in an interview
that God was in the Philippine busi-
ness, don't know whether He is or
not. but before I believe prophets, I
want to see their credentials. BY their
fruits ye shall know Them says the
Bible. Hanna has been q successful
prophet Of McKinleyism. He can tell
the policy OF the President without con-
sulting him. But, I assure you, my
friends, when God is in the Philippine
question, He will choose another mouth
piece than Mark Hanna"
"I've heard it said that President
Mckinley had no Philippine policy un-
til he made the Omaha trip. He re-
solved to feel the pulse OF the people
and gather public sentiment from the
rear Of railroad train. II he had only
consulted me ! could have told him how
unreliable is public sentiment gathered
from the rear OF railway train.
gathered some in '98 myself"
1.-THE peoples attitude before the
trusts reminds me Of the composure OF
the man who was starving. He finally
got loaf OF bread and was just prepar'
ing to eat it when dog ran off with it.
The man didn't get mad nor did he
weep. He only said: Thank God, I've
got my appetite LETT That is just whal
the people have left"
DR.. M. A. Simmons Liver Medioin'
Quickens the Appetite, Aids Digestion
gives Tone and Vigor TO all the func
tions, and fortities the system agains
Epidemic Influences. For sale by j.
n. Villains, Hartford, X. m
show did you make out with that ef
fort 70 break your unele's willf"
"Finel After it was all settled NJ
and the lawyers had the estate, l didn'
owe them a cent."-[Chicago Times
Herald.
. a Va