The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-11-27
SQUkLCHED HIM.
Curing a Persistent Snorer In Pull
man Car
,Cyhicago Tribune.)

Curing Persistent Snorer In Pull
man Car.
Chicago Tribune)
There was a disturbance in the sleep
ing car yavasour of the New York
limited.
There was no trouble in locating it.
1t came from one of the berths in
section No. s, where large, beefy pas
senger was performing an impromptu
solo, the refrain being something like
this:
"'Ngki Sn'g, Ngk-kk-k-kngk.
GIN ngk-k-k-k-g-g-g Aw-w-w-w,
Gr-r-r-r-r-sngk Gngk- ngk-ngk-ngk
Oo-oo-oo- oo-oo -woogr."
There were variations. but this
seemed to be the burden of the song.
The recital had been in progress
considerable time, and symptoms of
Impotence on the part of the audience
began to manifest themselves.
Ring off"
Give him air.
Live it down, old mani
Tell my mother l died for my coun-
try,"
'Louder,"
Put the rest. of it in writing"
Shut the box"
Dol in ra ytimei''
Kill it, Strange it. Give it de
bootsi'
But the solo went OF:
"Sngk, Ng-ng-ng-ng-ngk, Ah-oo-
oo-oo-oorpi Gl-gl-gr'-
The curtains of the opposite berth
opened. and in the dim light large,
bony hand was seen grasping the
southern extremity of a cane.
The cane presently was seen to be
feeling its way across the intervening
space 1t parted the curtains that hid
the musician from view. The curve at
the end of it hooked itself around a
large. fat arm. and then the stick was
pulled backward with a decisive jerk.
Hey? Hey? Wha-what's the mat
ter?" exclaimed a husky voice.
That's what l am trying to find
out" replied the owner of the bony
hand. rs it something that will yield
to treatment? Did you ever take liver
pills for .it?'',,'-.,7 -.z,
What are you disturbing me for?
What do you want? Who the deuce
are you?'
I'm a committee of one to ascertain
on behalf of this carload of suffering
people what it is that ails you, and to
see if something can't be done. Are
you open to any offers of compro-
miSe?"
Are you drunk, sir, or are you only
crazy?"
Never mind what my trouble is.
What we want to know-and l ask it in
perfectly respectful manners
whether or not you have an engage
ment to serenade the passengers in this
coach, and whether or not it's a whole
night stand. Because. if it is
Eli" snorted the fat passenger, now
thoroughly awake. you're taking a
good deal on yourself, sir"
Il am. And / took a good deal before
I made any kick. I'm the last man on
earth to trespass on the rights of other
people. but
WAS ii you who woke me up?"
81 cannot tell lie. | did it with my
little cane
'.Confound you. sirl"-and he threw
his legs out over the edge of the berth
If you're hunting for trouble
wait moment" said the other, re-
versing his cane. IF you come any
nearer I'll sink an oil well into you.
Let us discuss this matter in a spirit
of friendly investigation. You haven't
half the excuse for losing your temper
that l have"
A dozen heads were thrust out from
as many berths. and a dozen pairs of
ears were listening with keen interest
to the discussion.
THE Pullman Wagner combination
charges me 50 for the use of this
the cane. with the implied agreement
that l am to have a nights sleep. You
have murdered that sleep. You killed
it off before l even
BLANK dash youi" roared the beefy
man. I've paid my 81, too. What
right have your
$50 have WEI" shouted a dozen voices,
one after the other.
WAS / talking in my sleep?" de-
manded the aggrieved colossus. slight
ly checked by this unexpected demon
stration.
mo. you were not talking" responded
the committee of one. You were Civ
ing an imitation of a Wagner concert.
with boiler factory accompaniment and
foghorn obligato. You were snoring.
sir, to beat the Pullman band. Do we
hear any apology, sir? Any expression
of regret? Any promise of reforma-
tion?''
NO, I'll see you all dummed firstr'
Then, sir, YOU are out OF place in
this car. You ought to travel in a hog
train. No nan has n right to spoil the
sleep of two or three dozen other men.
No man with a snore like yours has
any business TO take it with him on a
night journey where civilized human
beings have to run up against 1t. In
heavens name, can't you sleep sitting
up? Can't you stay awake a while and
give the rest of rs chance? Can't you
gag yourself with pillow? Its about
the right size. Can't you throw your
self from the train2 Can't you take
stop, I'm talking. You We snored a me
for nearly an hour. and it's my turn.
have only few more words to say TO
you, though. Human endurance has a
limit, and if l don't get any sleep this
night I'll See that you don't You turn
that cornsheller loose again, my dear
10,
every time"
IF he doesn't we willi' ST outed the
other voices, one after the other.
1t is hard to squelch a snoring fiend,
but 1t can he done.