davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
A Talking Crow.

The latest curiosity in Bethel, Me-,
is talking crow which entertains the
boys and girls The bird was found in
the woods over year ago. when young,
having fallen from its nest and broken
a wing 1t was taken home and cared
for, but showed no inclination to talk
until a few months ago. 1t talks as
we'll as parrots, but favors words con-
tanning 80, and Hello. hello, Moses,
Oral Whoa therel p cause the passers-
by to turn quickly at times
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
Puzzled by So Many ways

A certain man made a display OF
dense ignorance the other day when he
went into restaurant and asked the
waiter if he had any eggs.
Eyes" said the waiter, I'VE have. -
"Well, bring me some"
"How do you want them cooked?"
"Oh, any old wayp'
"My dear man," said the waiter,
"that order will hardly do. We have
over 500 different ways of cooking eggs,
and you will be pleased to make sug-
gestion or mention a choice"
This astonishing fact had the effect
Of paralyzing the customers tongue for
awhile, and he finally recovered enough
to whisper in awe, Scramble 'em.'
eyes, sir, F" replied the astute waiter,
still lingering. (Which way?"
"Oh, any old wayP'
"Sir," said the waiter in a deter.
mined voice, 81 must insist you will
make choice. There are 70 different
ways of scrambling eggs in this estab-
lishment. F."
"Well, then, fry them for me. :"
(Which way? We have 40 ways OF
frying eggs here. -
"All right" said the customer slow
ly as he reached for his hat and arose;
''you have one way here that can find
myself, and that is straight out of that
door. Good day. "-Philadelphia Rec
ord
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

One day Billy, that's my brother, h'
and Sammy Doppy was playin by {
mudhole, and Billy he said:
Nov, Sammy, les play we was {
barnyard. You be the pig and lie dowr
and woller, and I'll be bull and bellei
like everything.
So they got down on their hands anc
knees, and Sammy he got in the mud
and wollered, while Billy belIered like
distant thunder. Bimeby Sammy ht
cum out muddy-you never see such 6
muddy little feller-and he said, "Nov
you be the pig, and let me beller." But
Billy said, 81 amt very good pig
fore dinner, and it'll be time huff fol
you to heller when yer mother sees yer
close. Scrap Book.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

A woman's headaches may come from
Several causes. She may have a head
ache arising from nervousness, or from
digestive disturbances. Nine cases in ter
her headaches come from disorders pecul
lar to her sex. 1t may show itself in the
symptoms which are characteristic of 8
dozen disorders. Thousands of times
women have been treated for the wrong
disorders DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescrip
tion was compounded for the sole purpose
of relieving womankind of these ills and
pains Thousands of women have testi
ged that after taking treatment from sew
eral physicians without benefit, the "Fav
orite Prescription" cured them completely
and quickly. 1t has been used for ovel
thirty years, and has an unbroken record
of success.
The woman who hesitates is invited &c
send 81 one-cent stamps to cover only the
cost of mailing copy of Doctor Pierce's
Common Sense Medical Adviser, which
contains plain, clear information about all
of the organs of the human body and theil
functions.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
RaiIrnad Methods.

The motive power department of a
railway keeps an accurate double entry
account with every locomotive and
every car, SO that the manager or mas
ter mechanic can tell in an instant how
much it has cost to maintain and repair
it, how many miles it has travelled and
how many cars or tons it has hauled.
A similar account is kept with every
freight and passenger car. The Pullman
company, for example, can tell you any
morning the exact earnings of every
sleeper or parlor car in service, how
much each cost originally and how
much has been expended in equipment,
maintenance and repairs. - Chicago
Record
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
Enioxab1e at a distance.

'We would have had a pleasant
evening if it had not been for one of
the most insufferable little youngsters
who was ever allowed to sit up late"
"Why, what was the matter with
him?'
"Oh, he is one of those children that
say the smart things that tickle us SO
much when we read about them in the
newspapers and that drive us distracted
when we have to listen to them Pr
Chicago Post.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
A simple sunshine Recorder.

Procure an empty quarter plate card
board box, and in the top of the lid cut
hole about half an inch in diameter
close to the edge of one side. Then paste
bit of stiff brown paper over this hole,
and when dry prick hole in the brown
paper with pin.
To use the sunshine recorder place a
piece of paper in the bottom of the box,
but sensitive side uppermost, and on
this place glass plate to keep the pa
per fat Now put the lid on containing
the pin hole, and stand the whole thing
fiat on a window ledge, the pin hole side
facing the south and make pencil mark
all round the box, so that you always
place it in the same position, and change
the paper once day, when very clear
record of every peep of sunshine will be
found.-New York Mail and Express.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
Cautions Tennyson.

A clergyman is quoted by Sir M. E.
Grant Duff in his memoirs as authority
for the story that on the occasion OF
Hallam's going down to Richmond to
be godfather to Tennyson's eldest boy
the historian asked, "What is to be the
child's name?" "Hallam, answered
the poet. 81 don't like surnames for
Christian names, " said the other. "Why
not call him Alfredo "What if he
were to turn out fool?" was the re-
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Mrs. ByTne, in her "Social Hours
With Celebrities, tells this aneodote
of George Tvs wit: 81 remember one
of the Rev. Mr.. Wagner's stories con-
cerned some nobleman who had enjoyed
an unenviable reputation for assininity.
1t had been suggested to the king to
confer on him an order of the Thistle,
which had become vacant. Give the
Thistle to - exclaimed the king.
why, he'd eat it'll
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
Played It on the Judge.

Counsel for the plaintiff in certain
case made use during an argument Of
the word "brougham
Excuse my interrupting you, Mr..
Brief, p" said the judge. "but in the So
ciety in which am accustomed to move
we pronounce the word broom, and 60
save syllable.
During his summing up the judge
had occasion to use the word "omni-
bus"
Excuse me, 'lud," broke in coun-
sci, "but in the society in which I am
accustomed to move we pronounce that
word bus, and so save two syllables +"
London Answers.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

A lady selecting hat at MILL
ner's asked cautiously, "Is there any
thing about these feathers that might
bring me into trouble with the Audi
bon society,""
ooh, no, madam, said the milliner,
who was from London. "These feath
ers, madam, are the feathers of howl,
and the howl, you know, madam, IL
more of cat than a bird. "-Bostor
Transnrirt
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Two country clergymen had agreed
to exchange pulpits on certain date.
One of them made the following solemn
announcement to his congregation on
the Sabbath previous to the event:
"My dear brethren and sisters, have
the pleasure of stating that on next
Sunday morning the Rev. Zaohariah B.
Day will preach for you. Let us now
sing two verses of hymn No. 489, THAT
Awful Day Will Surely Come. ."
And it took him some time to discov-
or why the congregation smiled.-Syra'
ouse Standard.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
Faith In the Doctor.

An exchange quotes story said to
have been told at "charity dinner"
A man was brought into the accident
hospital who was thought to be dead.
His wife was with him. One of the
doctors said, "He is dead;" the man
raised his head and said, "No, I'm not
dead yet. P" whereupon his wife admon-
ished him, saying, "Be quiet; the doo-
tor ought to know BEST
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
A Clever witness.

In a recent county court case in which
a man sued another for balance of wages
the defendant called witness.
Witness-I beg pardon, your honor.
Before give my evidence want my
expenses.
Judge Ito defendant)-Pay him rs.
Cd.
The defendant having done so, the
judge said, SHOW that you have had
your expenses, what do you know Of
the oase?''
Witness-Nothing at all, your honor.
London Tit Bits.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
A Eamnus Head Master

OF Keate, the most famous of all
Elton head masters, the author has much
to say. Innumerable stories have been
told of his fiery temper, his peculiar ap-
pearanoe and his strong faith in the
efficacy Of birch rod, many of them
purely apocryphal.
All the world knows Kinglake's pic
turesque description of the little man
who wore "a fancy dress partly resem-
bling the costume of Napoleon and
partly that of a widow woman" and
has heard Keate's famous comment on
the beatitude: Blessed are the pure
in heart. Mind that. It's your duty to
be pure in heart. If you are not pure in
heart, I'll fog your But it would be
a great mistake to regard Keate as mere.
ly an irascible pedagogue of eccentric
speech and manners.
He did believe in fogging, and when
the occasion arose fogged Wholesale
witness the famous instance when he
mistook his lists and logged all the
candidates for confirmation; also be
could not be induced to trust his boys,
but for all that he was man of gener-
Gus temper and noble nature, as well
as of indomitable courage, and deserved
we'll of school which has certainly al
ways kept his memory green. London
Spectator.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Green is the color most beneficial to
the eye in diffused light and reds and
pinks the most harmful. In strong
direct light, however, blue and neutral
tints are the best for the eyes and pure
white the most harmful, as is proved by
the phenomenon snow blindness.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

st. Georges Bay. Newfoundland,
contains an immense coalfield fully 20
miles in length and 10 in breadth. 1t
has been estimated that if the output
were to reach 250,0 tons per annum,
the coal bed would not be exhausted in
a century.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

The grand specific for the prevailing
malady of the age, Dyspepsia, Liver Com
plant, Rheumatism, Costiveness, General
Debility, etc, is Bacon's Celery King for
the Nerves. This great herbal tonic slim
ulates the digestive organs, regulates the
Liver and restores the system to vigorous
health and energies. Sample free. Large
packages SOC and Csc Sold only by Wells
& Son, Columbus; E. D. Prickitt, Mount
Holly; W. C. Jones, New Egypt; Edw W.
Rossell, Pemberton, and H. H. Leeds,
Rancocas.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

First Judge (at cat show)-This is
the finest one in its class. There can
hardly be two opinions about that.
Second Judge with tears)-It was
that cat, or one exactly like it, that ate
my pet pigeon last week. You will
never get prize by my vote, you mean.
nasty animal Chicago Tribune.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
His Brain Bell.

"You know" said man who writes
things for living, theresa bell rings
ON the typewriter when you get to the
end of the line to warn the operator
that the end has been reached, and he
must stop and take fresh start. Ihave
no bell in my brain, but l have some
thing there that tells me with no less
certainty when / have done my stint,
and it is time for me to stop for the
day. And l sometimes wonder if the
gentle reader doesn't think that my
brain bell ought to ring earlier. New
Work. Sun
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Wife (time, midnight)-Harkl Hus-
band, wake upl I hear the rustling OF
silk and the olang of chains.
Husband-You do? Horrors Then
the reports are true. was told this
house was haunted.
Wife (muoh relieved)-Oh, is that
all? l was afraid that Fido had broken
loose and was tearing my new ball
dress.-London Fun.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

81 suppose, said the frequently dis
appointed politician, "that may refer
to my latest experience as "a historic
defeat. -
YES" answered the somewhat sa-
tirioal friend, Sin the sense that history
repeats itself. Washington Star.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

There was only an edition of $50 of
Herbert Spencer's tSooiaI States" 1t
took IA years to sell. Of the "Princi-
pies of Psychology, also brought out
at the authors cost, only $50 were sold
in 1219 years. The first series of essays,
500 copies, took 1016 years.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

"Why don't you marry him?" they
asked of the beautiful girl.
81 do not love him." she replied.
"Tut, tut. j." they said. "Don't be old
fashioned. He is worth million and
is already on the brink of the grave"
"On the brink, yes" she answered
bitterly, "but l am told that he haG
had experience as an equilibrist. Who
knows how long he may be able to stay
there?" Chronicle.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Instant relief and permanent cure by
the great remedy Otto's Cure for Lung
and Throat diseases. Why will you irri-
tate your throat and lungs with that hack
ing cough when Wells & Son, Columbus;
E. D. Prickitt, Mount Holly; W. Q. Jones,
New Egypt; Edw. W. Rossell, Pemberton,
and H. H. Leeds, Rancocas, sole agents,
will furnish you a free sample bottle of
this guaranteed remedy? It's success is
wonderful, as your druggist will tell you.
Sample free. Large bottles soc and Csc.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Java is said to be the region Of the
globe where it thunders oftenest, hav-
ing thunderstorms 81 days in the year.
After it are Sumatra, with Sc days;
Hindustan, with Sc; Borneo, with 81 /;
the Gold Coast, with SO, and Rio de
Janeiro, with 81. In Europe, Italy CO.
oupies the first place, with S8 days Of
thunder, while France and southern
Russia have 16 days Great Britain and
Switzerland have each days, and
Norway has 4 Thunder is rare at Cairo,
being heard only 8 days in the year.
and extremely rare in northern Tur-
kestan and the polar regions. London
Standard
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
Jhildlikeness is not childishness
A Good Decision.

Il was troubled with dry hacking
cough and was very weak. AS read Of
the cures made by Hoods Sarsaparilla
decided to give it trial. When l had
taken one bottle l began to feel stronger
and my cough was better. l took three
bottles and was cured" GEORGE w. BEN.
NUM-, Coolspring, Delaware
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
TIE Heiress.

Askey-Where's the rich heiress
you re engaged to?
Tellum-You see that lovely girl in
pink at the other side of the room?
Askey-Yes. say, old man, what a
superb
Tellum-Well, it isn't she. It's that
grand old ruin in yellow sitting next
her.-London Tit-Bits.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

"You have an elegant and spacious
home" said the pastor. "You have
books, a piano, a daughter who can
sing and play and everything to make
home alluring. Why don't you throw
your house open some evening in the
week for the benefit of the homeless
young men? You might save many a
one from the club and the saloon.
Young men?" said the wealthy
member. "Theres one of them who
comes to my house six evenings in the
week. What are you talking about,
doctorP' Chicago Tribune.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

The Tehuelohes-as they call them.
selves-of southern and eastern Patago.
MIA are the tallest human beings in the
world, the men averaging but slightly
less than six feet, while individuals Of
four to six inches above that mark are
not uncommon,
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Granger-How are you getting along
at your house?
Timson-Pretty we'll, on the whole.
We are nearly out of everything but
debt, and in time, if things go on as
they have been goin, we ought to be oui
of that.-Boston Transcript.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Mrs. Differs Your old friend has
such sad face. Why is it?
Mr.. Bliffers-Years ago he proposed
to very beautiful girl, and
Mrs Bliffers-And she refused him2
Mr.. Bliffers-No. She married him.
London Answers
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
Impudent schooIboys

Some years ago, at Winchester, no.
tice was put up that "Mr. So-and-so
Zone of the masters) will give lecture
on Our Eyes and How We See Through
Them. Underneath this some boy
wrote, "Or our pupils and how they
zee through u.s. '-London Chronicle.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

"You are not looking at my face now
at ALL" said the sitter.
"No," observed the painter. ''I'm
putting in the expression now. Chi
caQo Tribane.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

A REMEDY for Nasal Catarrh which is
drying and exciting to the diseased mem
brane should not be used. What is need
ed is that which is cleansing, soothing,
protecting and healing. Such remedy
is Ely's Cream Balm. To test it trial
size FOR 10 cents or the large for so cents
is mailed by Ely Brothers, Sc Warren
Street, New York. Druggists keep it.
The Balm when placed into the nostrils
spreads over the membrane and is absorbed,
A cold in the head vanishes quickly.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Some old hawking gloves have the
hands and thumbs made in red velvet,
the outside of the hand covered with
the finest embroidery in many tones of
silk, mixed with metal threads They
Rppertain to the days of good Queen
Bess
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

$50 in your last place you were valet
to count? When did you have to call
him in the morning?"
cat half past Z.
"Call me at quarter to 8"-Flie-
gende Batter
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Wright believe good deal of hu-
man interest could be put in play
with the scenes laid in pawnshop.
Reed-M. dear boy, the interest in
pawnshop is something absolutely in
human. Enquirer.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Is one which does not wrench the system
or leave it weak and exhausted. A per
feet cathartic is found in Hoods Pills
They are praised everywhere, and after
once being tried they soon permanently
take the place of the old fashioned dras
tic pills, such as "our grandfathers used. ,
Hoods Pills are the only pills to take with
Hoods Sarsaparilla and they greatly aid
that medicine in its cleansing and purify
ing work.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Little Marie-I know what 1Sk. in g
'gagement ring means.
Algernon-What?
Little Marie-The kisses it takes tc
get engaged. Jewellers Weekly.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

The Bookman has heard of a Scotch
professor who had been advocating the
advantages of athletic exercise. 1.-THE
Roman youths,'' he cried, FUSED to
swim three times across the Tiber be-
fore breakfast. Z"
The Scotch professor, noticing one Of
his auditors grinning, exclaimed: ''Mr.
McAllister, why do you smile? We shall
be glad to share your amusement. -
The canny Scot replied, 81 was just
thinking, sir, that the Roman youths
must have left their clothes on the
wrong bank at the end of their swim. u
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Muslin owes it's name to Mussoul a
fortified town in Turkey. in Asia.
Tulle obtains its name from that of a
city in the south of France.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
Perish the Thought!

First Golfer-I believe I could make
some money getting out cheap golf
dictionary.
Second Golfer-Don't do it, man
don't do it. Do you want the sacred
language of the game to become COM
mon?-Indianapol Journal.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Paris sends e75O. 600 worth of toys
to England every year.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

The reign of righteousness will right all
wrongs.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Words are not arrows but they fly far
ther
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

And where, good men, is the harm if the
kissers and kisses be healthy, and true
love stands sponsor. It is only when ILL
health has blasted the sweet cleanliness of
youth that death turks upon Its lips. The
deadly germs of dread consumption are as
harmless as June-time butterflies to the
young man or woman who is thoroughly
| clean, sweet and healthy in every fiber and
tissue. The germs of disease only attack
that which is already partly decayed.
There is a great medicine that is q sure
and certain protection against all germs
| and speedy cure for all germ diseases.
1t is DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Discov-
cry. 1t gives youthful zest to the appetite.
It corrects all faults of the digestion. It
aids assimilation. 1t fills the blood with
the vital, life-giving elements of the food.
1t builds sweet, clean, healthy tissues in
every part of the body. 1t drives out all
disease germs. 1t cures 90 per cent. of all
cases of bronchial, throat and lung affec-
tons if taken in time. All good medicine
dealers sell it, and have nothing Just as
good"
Mr.. Jos Henderson Dirblun, of 544 Josephine
Street, New Orleans La, writes I was ailing
for some two years, suffering from dyspepsia, a
tired feeling, and loss of energy and appetite.
I tried one bottle of DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery and found great relief. took two
more bottles, three In ALL and one or two walls
of the Pellets, when I was in good health
again. / recommend DR.. Pierce's Golden Medi-
eal Discovery to do all that it is claimed to do"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Hoods Pills cure all liver ills. Mailed fol-
25c by G. 1. Hood & Co., Lowell, Mass
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03

Sin is never disposed of at less than
cost.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
The grand specific for the prevailir

1t was lie turned loose that put Christ
on the cross
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-01-03
The Bicycle In Law.

That the bicycle is not "tool" OF
apparatus" that belongs to the trade
or profession" of an architect and
building superintendent is decided il
Smith verses Horton TEX. Civ. App
As S. W., 400), although it is deemed
a useful and convenient mode of loco
motion.-Case and Comment.