Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1899-05-04
MR.. JOBSON'S REVENGE.

Mr.. Jobson got home from his Of
flee at Ais one afternoon last week
and found note from Mrs. Jobson
saying that she had gone to hear the
performance of long-haired pianist,
and that he'd find his dinner all ready
for the girl to serve it.
That's good thing, too" unused
Mr.. Jobson sulkily, when he had read
the note. It's a wonder these mat
tress-headed geniuses that come over
here to this country and rake in
American dollars, hating Americans
all the time, wouldn't call their game
at an hour that 'ud permit a toiling
mans wife to be on hand at home to
give him something to eat when he
wants it," etc, etc.
The opportunity was too good for
Mr.. Jobson to miss, so he declined to
eat any dinner when the servant put it
on the table. Insetad, he slammed
on his hat and went down town. He
wanted to give Mrs. Jobson a lesson
He ate an unsatisfactory dinner at a
restaurant, and then poked around I'M
til it was time for variety theater to
open it's doors. He had to watch
lot of poorly-playe0 billiard games in
order to put in this time, and to talk
with lot of bachelors from whose
ways of thinking he had departed
He was bored exceedingly by theater
time. The show bored him still more.
But he stuck it out, for he wanted to
get home as late as possible, the bet
ter to rub it in on Mrs. Jobson. By II
O'Clock he reflected that he had had a
pretty poor sort of an evening-his
evening paper unread, his favorite
pipe neglected for a lot of cigars that
gave him heartburn, a poor dinner,
idle talk with a slew of men that he
didn't want to talk to, and, finally, a
tawdry, cheap variety performance
that might have got laugh out of
him ten years before, but was only so
much ribaldry to him now. He took
in a couple more billiard games, how
ever, after the show, and threw
couple of cocktails into himself, not
because he cared to drink, but be-
cause he wanted Mrs. Jobson to smell
his breath and thus perceive the aw-
full consequences of her conduct
Mrs. Jobson was comfortably tucked
in bed when Mr.. Jobson got home
about half an hour after midnight
She had not even left light burning
in the vestibule or in the bed room.
She woke up very leisurely when Mr..
Jobson started one of the gas jets
going. She didn't say anything, how
ever. Mr.. Jobson had expected to
find her up, fully dressed and in
tears. He was disappointed. He was
more disappointed that she didn't
greet him whit repinings. Mr. job
son saw that she was likely to go to
sleep again, and that he wasn't caus-
ing any grief at all by being naughty
and keeping still. So he cleared his
throat and said:
did he play the Buck Dance Con-
certo in q minor with his hair, and
how was it,"
There was a lot of sarcasm in the
way Mr.. Jobson asked this question.
Mrs. Jobson didn't turn over at all.
What are you talking about, she
inquired, sleepily
Il want to know if that Dutchman
that kept you away from your duty Of
serving meal to your husband, after
his day of grinding labor, gave you
your moneys worth; also, if you think
you're making any kind of a hit with
anybody by these methods, hey?"
ooh, the recital-that's what you're
speaking of, isn't it," said Mrs.
Jobson, sweetly. well, didn't go L
had intended to go when | started out
shopping in the morning, and left
the note for you telling you so, but
thought it might annoy you to have
me away from dinner, and so, when I
concluded my shopping about 4
O'Clock this afternoon, l decided not
to go to the recital. The 18th street
car that brought me up town passed
the car that took you down town. 1
saw you on the open car, and Won
dered why you were going in that d.
rection | was home at twenty-five
minutes past 4, five minutes in adj
vance of our usual dinner time. but
Of course, you had gone I suppose
you had to go back to your office to
work. It's shameful the way they're
overworking you, you poor old thing"
and then Mrs. Jobson, who knew that
Mr.. Jobson hadn't been working at his
office, turned over and subsidized into
dreamy slumber.
You can't beat EN-" thought Mr..
Jobson, when he got into bed. He
was thinking of women in general.