The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-05-21
COULDN'T LAND THE PhRs0N.
How tho Klondiks Escaped Reformation
by the Narrowest Of Margins.

hlOlhulkeT, TegTGJluly, InHI L III not On W ING l
style OF the game here in New York. I've got
the cards all right. but when it comes to the
play I'm weak on the etiquette OF It. Any man
that's been knocking around from mining
camp to mining camp pretty much all his life.
like me. is certain to get a little shiny around
the seams: so when l finally did make my
strike 'longside OF a nice little ripping brook
up Dawson way. l said to myself: Now. you
kot the stun. Hiram it's up to you to lope down
to New York and get used to civilization, You're
a rough diamond. Hi. l says and it'll Just take
the buzzer OF New York civilization to put the
needful polish onto you; SO shoulder your pack
and git
BY the time l struck here I'd accumulated
quite n bunch OF wardrobe and picked up some
tips on the way, but l found out very quick
that when it came 10 playing the real New
Yorker l was so far outside that l couldn't
scarcely see the edge. No: there didn't any
body sell me any gold bricks or buy me drinks
with Knockout drops in EN- or get me into a
Rreen-goods investment. A man don't knock.
around a country that's full Of sailed gold
mines without learning to freeze to his wad.
But / was out OF II on the little things OF life.
and ! never knew when l was going to stack
up against the general ha-ha When | went to
eat. 1t didn't make any matter whether |
staked the waiter with a worn nickel or a dol
lar bill. he was watching me Just the same.
every minute. and taking stock OF how
/ used, the wrong side OF NV knife to
eat with. or my fixing my napkin in under my
collar instead Of Into my vest; and one night at
tqthe play by ordering a drink from the usher.
All that kind of thing makes a man feel sort OF
tieklish. and got to the place. yher. didn't
wrong hand. When a mans fiXed that Way in
his mind he Just naturally. feels that he wants
was feeling when / went M against thls
game that I'm going to tell YOU about;
seeingiso much of the town that l thought the
eountry'dd do me good for a change. 90 | jumped
fancy little vilIes up north Of the city. not that
| ever heard OF the place before, but lust hit it
S sh sIhq witbS mn my EYES E and punching the time
here about the rugeed grandeur Of Alaska.
tt,s there. too but after you've been UP against
heavier than the grande2r. aud a peaceful bit
Of country like that vile / landed in gets right
simelt sweet, and { I'd run across a keen. of:
it full OF holes. As there wasn't any I struck
on across lots on a trail Of my own. and the first
church,, and %diI as 7 Stood "s%aiH ther Fn" w@ @nde qSoT witch
way I'd better run before a deacon anne out
f Beiof se' they s %s' t fhhey Res sSe d f1 s HeFsd inS had
but what itd be a f 4 IN move S"s ! I E iooEed s ar?"nd
on he Th siSs 4 ths doGT. ksiofmed chureh
MN lhihRs VIII ~ -
your game and you cant begin it too quick
felt Nike l was a dish Of cold tea. / thought I'd
' sSar Sfs' so 10 br az R1 Tie Rt IN, d 10 / ,,tfi a cS SSTI'F Gf
ushers that didn't wake up in time. in the lob;
way up the middle aisle. Hadn't got more than
fairly settled. though. and had a good look
r iitfis sdu sh1n S S1sGSTsfS sdd i T II iar. f s%ci Hi'I% Ddk,
ing congregation it was. all right, and | Just
anything / wouldn't get iIoos"s in the u shqGIe.
didn't mind everybody being dressed up
my shirt together in front was away above the
notienS thai. some. way or Other I'd make a
break; and | sat there wishing my hangedest
handy tree where / could hear the music and
wouldn't be in the public view, II it hadn't
verge Of the d. rs before the "sI show WV was >" over.
worrying about myself, but pretty quick | got
i nhont my t IN What he T vas SAYING and forget all
kind Of religion I used to hear, in his sermon.
He didn't ring IN hell-tire once; as [ remember.
pc square and live straight. and when he
found a good game to, stick up for it, even if it
mightn't have all the fun that was going. but
he'd leave a trail that was on a straight line to
Nell, that talk, gave me something / could take
In and think about, and | was doing my think
I llk WHEN tneTe WIS u general SUR ana cQHTnO-
ton and the ushers began to circulate with the
hat. only they didn't have hats, but big wooden
Here's your chance to get square for a good
sermon. Hi l says to myself under my breath.
,T9 gu can IAN a If H6 to put up pretty liberal and it's
u felt IN my cash pocket. thinking IA strike
deal OF coin the night before. All brought up
% two bits and a century; There's q big dif-
could see myself getting run out Of that church
fora grating hobo if l only put up a quarter
srowding the limit. Besides, | didn't have a
return ticket and needed to get back, Well.
through a "anon, but not Ssnother coin could :
turn up e1Sent 2 Chinese luck piece that looked
and didn't have the chips. There was Just
one. play to make, that b.! could think q; and
where showed my 5a.caraft inn NJ M again
ThcES d9nT IT. run ma a GSa n t ehange.ma x o cn nal
it. When the usher come to my claim | leaned
wrong language. for I was pretty nervous. Al
,S said NV Was noo ils, y! put up and draw change
Well. he looked at me like an owl nthe sun
light and i tried him again. He might be spread,
tRS n sw eKie srt e @ Of Y Ysdv i n II the nas seat in ne iron 52r ! !
could feel everybody starine right at me. but
she was game enough not TO care. and square
It. shh", turned y her "l'f head G and said said ' in a mule" guiet
comfortable sort OF way:
III you wish, YOU can put dow your sub.
s%cription on n paper slip instead OF making il
now"
Thank you. ma'am."I said. That's what
I'll DO"
know now that what she meant was q
card that they put around in the seats. but there
didn't happen 70 he any whore I'd located. anC
TO my troubled mind the paper slip racket sug,
Gestcd Just ope thing. and ] grabbed at that
like a thirsty man at tho top end Of n straw
The goggle-eyed plate shower was moving OF
to look f!t better-nayinG dirt when | held hin
uD Tor a epUnnl rot ont n lnnpil md thn hnnL
OF an, Cnyelopc, and scratched Of an o L fol
twentS-ilvc. which ] figured would be abou
Tigft. AS ! dropped it into the plate ] told him
ia. be around to settl" up az soon ns the game
WAS called. and he moved on looking like h,
vas struggling with a stunt In mental arith.
mettc. Having got that off my mind. | wal
feeling pretty good. thank YOU. and I'd have
taken adrlnk with almost any kind Of u maj
on, 1t If il had come handy. In the DoXology
did some pretty considerable singing. to lie
my feelings loose; and when that was over
I sat down to wait for the crowd to sitt out 81
; that | could go up and make good.
IT was a wait for fair, 4 whole lot OF PEG
noticed the ushers had all cashed in to him.