Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-03-25
NEW STORIES TOLD.

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A reporter named Jones on a big daily
in st. Louis was detailed to interview the
Governor of another State, who had slip
ped into the city on a secret political
mission. He learned to his disgust that
Jackson. the star reporter of a rival sheet,
was on to the fact and proposed to call in
an hour. Acting on inspiration, he sent
up a card bearing Jackson's name, and
was promptly admitted. When he had
learned all he wanted he asked, with
gross and intentional impudence, whether
the Information was really true. he
Governor turned purple. by question
my word?" he said. OH! don't get gay"
replied Jones, airily, common Governors
cut no ice with my office" Thu old man
foanled at the mouth. You lnsolent
~scoundrel." he roared, get out of my
rooms." That was exactly what Jones
wanted, and he went. Presently Jackson
showed up. Here, boy" he said, pom
pously, take my card to the Governor
When the old man looked at the paste
| board he nearly expired. THE blankety
BANKED infamous villain!' he spluttered.
Il never heard of such blankety BANKED
effrontery in my life! Tell that miscreant
if he or anybody else from his Internal
paper comes up here I'll kill emf The
word was carried to Jackson, who went
away raving. Next day his paper init
mated the Governor was in town on a
bender. Jones paper had a capital inter-
view and a big scoop.
One afternoon while Toole and Irving
were playing in Uncle Dicks Darling
at the Gaiety Theatre, they were strolllng
home from a rehearsal when they met
a crowd surrounding a PROSTATE drunk.
Toole saw the situation ana pushed
through the gathering, Irving following.
Here's a doctor someone said, and room
was made round the sufferer. The come
dian felt the trunks pulse, and then
placed his hat over his eyes, with the IN
junction that the crowd let him sleep on
a while. The conspirators hailed a pass
ing connoiter. The crowd had removed
the mans zap, to find that his face was
adorned with a certain label which Toole
carried in his pocket in those days, bear
ing the words Uncle Dicks Darling
Two gentlemen and two ladies were
seated in a railway carriage, each OF the
four being a stranger to the other three"
AS they left the station one OF the ladle5
requested one of the gentlemen to put
down the window, on which the other
demonstrated that if he did so the draught
would kill her; to which the flrst repleu
that if he did not she would die OF sufto-
cation, The dispute went on for some
time. the other gentleman crossing ana
recrossing his legs, and browning over BIS
Chronicle in manifest 1mpatlence. ~
length he could stand it no longer; the
peevish feminine tones Infatuated MN:
"Oh. open the window" he burst out ana
kin one of them. and then shut it and
kill the other; it will be our only chance
of peace
One of the patients in the hospital at
the Preside has been constantly SettlhS
into hot water because he smuggled food
into the wards. One morning the medical
officer was about to examine his throat
with a ~laryngoscOpe. Seeing the !tlie
mirror all ready for use, the mans chuil
Whispered an anxious warning 1fon lhe
adjoining bed. Il say, Bill, YOU'D peSt
ave a care. e mOight appen TO see Wot
yer 'ad for supper lawst noight."
The difference between virtue ana ac-
cident was aptly illustrated by the repl>
of a Third street Hebrew to the questloh
of an insurance agent. Ike salu Tue
latter. (which would you rather nave
hanpen-fail and make five thousand dol
lars or sell all your stock at a profit ana
make five t~houSand?' "Dere am no
answer" returned the Hebrew contempt
uously. IVY, man, yum was peeZness'
undt de odder vas work"
Meeting Grisi, the great prima donna,
vho was the wife of the tenor Mario,
ACCOMPANIED by her children, one day
in St. Petersburg, Car Nicholas gallant
" asked her if they We're little Grlsettes'
'NO, NOur Majesty, ltpilNt 20 -
reverence, they are little Maflonettes'
The Countess of Beaconstleld once CON
fded to a friend that Disraeli, While pos
sessing the greatest moral courage, was
altogether lacking in physical courage
an instance she said, Il AWAY
have to pull the string of the shoWef-pati
for him.
An English peer, coming out or INT
House of Lords, met Disraeli for the mrs
time since he had become Lord Beacons'
field. How do you like this place /:
asked the peer. WELL" was the reply,
feel that l am dead, but in the Elyslal
fields"
TURKEYS RICHEST MAN.
The richest man in Turkey is an Ar
menian, who is a naturallZed Americas
citizen and lived in this country for sew
eral years. If the stories tod IN LII
automatic circle of ConStantinople ar
true. he came by his money IN a peculla
manner. 1t will be that IN
Sultan AZiZ was aSsasSinated in 1876. 10
seyeral years prior to his death he accum
ulated all the money and bonds he coul'
obtain, which he stored away in his pal
ace as a reserve fund in case OF wa
with Russia, which had been impending
ti,,n Tho nTlnlnt or III tc