Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-08-31
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HE isn't even friendly with the girl
he was engaged to. is he?" "No. When
she sent the ring back she labeled the
box 'Glass-with care
"You ought to hear our new rector
read the service. He's right up 10
date" How docs he read ltT I'm
ragtime.D Cleveland Plsin Dealer.
Henpeck- There1l be no parting IN
heaven. you know. Friend--Thats 20;
II you want divorce, old fellow, yOu'd
better attend to 10 on this side-Lffe.
She-"He says he loves me; yet be
has only known me two days." Hes
friend-"Well, perhaps that's. the rea-
son. dear "-Pbiladelphia North Ameri-
can. ss,rn .I
A vocalist was warbling. to her own
great satisfaction, "Oh, would were
a birdlr when rough miner shouted
out, ION. would were a gung-Tit-
Bits. .
THAT was an excellent sermon that
heard last Sunday" what did the
minister preach aboutT' "Just about
fifteen minutes. believe:"-Kansas
City Star.
Benny-"Did you see that fish jump
right out of the water inst nowT' Papa
-"Yes." Benny-"Well. what In. the
world did he jump off when he jump
ed?"-Harper's Bazaar.
I'm burning up" gasped the fat man
with the FAM I'm burning up" "Yes.
sir" remarked the sympathetic wit on
the back seat. II see that you are
smoking. "-Chicago News.
DR.. Puffer-"Fact Isl It's, hard for
me to keep track, Of all my patients"
Fogg-"Yes, seeing that when a. man
dies his name is dropped from the d.
rectory."-Boston Transcript.
Mamma-Susie. what do you mean
by all this noise?- See how quiet Will
lie is. Susie-Ofi course he's. quiet, ma
that's our game. He's>papa coming
home late. and I'm you.-Tit-Bits.
Uneasy Passenger ION an ocean
steamship)-Doesn't the vessel tip
frightfully? Dignified Steward-The
vessel. mum. is trying to set a. good
example to the Observation-Disclosures.
Denny-Th' captain told me to kape
away from tn inemy's- foire. Larry
Phwat did we till him? Denny-I told
him TIL, inemy wuz so busy shootin'
they hadn't made my, foire.-GhioagO
News.
Gladys-"Do. you 60 In the surf
much?' Eyelyne Haven't been
bathing all summer" Uncle Josh (as
they pass)-"Well, tibet beats mel, Why.
tn gal looks clean enuf."-Ohio State
Journal.
There are two things by which you
can always tell the truly great man,"
said the philosopher. What are they?"
asked the thoughtless one. What he
doesn't say and what he does."-Chi-
cago Post.
visitor-"Do they treat you we'll
herew Prisoner-"Yes, indeed. The
only thing 1 have to complain. of Is
their lack of confidence in me. They
refuse to give me a latchkey. Son
dags-Nisse.
Trotting Thomas-I wish l. could
turn myself into a rurnor for q few
moments. Walking William-What
for? Trotting Thomas-Why. they say
a rumor gains currency.-Yonkers.
Statesman.
"This, remarked the professor, care
fully removing the postage stamp from.
the envelope of a letter he had con-
cluded not to, send, sis what might be
called getting off a, good one. "-Chica-
go Tribune.
Mrs. Newed-"Oh. Jack! The cook
was In such an ugly mood to-day. I
thought it best to call in policeman"
Newed astonished)-"What! To arrest
herT Mrs. Newed-"Oh, no-to pacify
er."-Brooklyn Life.
The Benedict-"When L am away
from home my wife writes to me every
day." The Bachelor-"Well, it's your
own fault Why don't you leave her
enough money to last few days?"-
New York Evening World.
Cannibal King-"L think have eaten
something that did not agree with
me-" Medicine Man-"Lb must have
been that missionary. You remember
he differed with you on several theo-
logical questions. New York Journal.
Freddie" said his mother severely.
didn't l tell you that you shouldn't
ride your bicycle to-day because you
were naughty" This isn't my bicy-
cle," said Freddie. ITS Tommy
Jones'. We've exchanged just for to-
day. Bazaar.
Clara (at the seaside)-"That fellow
who just came In Is nothing but dry
goods clerk" Maud-"How do you
known Clara-"When the driver gave
him bill In change he involuntarily
held 1t over his head and felt for the
cash trolley box."-Puck.
Mister" said the seedy Individual.
addressing prosperous citizen, would
you kindly favor worthy but unfor-
tunate fellow-man with few centsY
What is your occupationw asked the
other. as be put his hand In his pocket
"Tve been collecting rents for some
time past" replied the victim Of cir
cumstances, as he, held up a tattered
coat-sleeve and smiled grimly. Chi
cago News.
Quite ,Coatented.
Don't II make you feel a little blue