Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-09-03

gists sell Il. b. y. at 81 per large bottle.
or 6 bottles (full treatmenD So. For trial
bottle address BLOOD BALM COMPANY,
1874 Mitchell street, Atlanta, Ga. Describe
your symptoms and free personal medical
advice will be given.
until we have green rinds and red meat
and are full of juice ard so sweet. This
also accounts for my looking so seedy.
\ clerk here who lost his position by
thinking he could I'M the job by dancing
the german instead OF graphing with the
ledger. explained this whole diabolical
watermelon plot TO me. lie said the
genial proprietor" kept a regular ruled
memorandum-book I'm which h jotted
down the dates of the watermelon teasts,
just the same as you or | would make
entries i'm our "Bills-RcpcivIble' book, or,
rather. in our "Bills-Payabie' book. on
the days when these juicy entertainments
are knocked of me chef chats French
for head cook, you know, receives in
structions 10 prepare only one half as
much food as he does on ordinary occa-
sions. Inasmuch as we gre forced 70
partake of this watermelon hospitality
every day the whole season, according to
the cooks understanding, is made up or
extraordinary occasions.
No. Mr.. Editor, we do not care TO have
all Of our achievements rushed into print.
We have our own little gosspping, back
biting. scandal-seatteriug organizations
up here, and have all we can do abusing
one another, without taking the common
herd into our confidence.
It would be n great injustice to my
friends for me TO close this letter without
a description of the splendid spring we
have here-not that my writings are cal
culatod 10 elevate those who study and
memorize thcm-but because it's so much
plcasanter 70 read about sulphur spring
than it is TO come in actual contact with
one. You cannot approach this spring
without realizing that something
dead" It smells like q corOner's inquest,
and when you come in its neignbOrhood
you have two conflicting impuises-either
10 run away or TO make post-mortem
examination Of 1t. Lest there shouldn't be
enough Of this aromatic fluid to satisfy
all Corners. Nature gushes forth from a
mountain rock az the rate of fifty gallons
a minute and the whole atmosphere re-
minds one Of a theatre after an uupopu-
lar actor has been egged. This resort is
caleld the Purple sulphur Springs, not
because the water from the heaith-giving
font is purple in color, but because the
guests assume that hue when they are
first introduced 10 IL. Many people have
been known 70 drink Of this fluid and
live. IN this neighborhood there is an old
man who once absorbed q quart Of H.,
and still survives. He is now 49, but
think his longovity is largely due 10 the
fact that he carries he insurance, and TO
the further fact that the county paper
has a post oblt sketch Of bis life, which
has been in type for ten years.
In addition This stimulating water.
which makes one feel like fighting che
genial proprietOr'D, we have the most
bracing and Cor the young people, en-
bracing air which is also said 20 avert
premature funerals. Acd to these anti
undertaken charms the mellow sunshine,
the equally mellow old ladies', the beau
tiful landscapes, the splendid fire-escapcs,
the music. ana the held-weiter. and YOU
have a resort which. l insist, Ar Editor,
has never yet been eQua.led I'm this grand
old Commonwealth. the mother of presi-
dents. the home OF fair women. and tho
land Of the free and the home Of the
brave. u. B.-lf this sentence is too long
FOR vou % catch my meaning. break it
10 with an avc) 80 you see how easily
[ could say the Purple sulphur was per
f.ctlv lovey.' were I "a girl or even
spnster impersonatins girl.
Not Tar from our grounds. which are as
beautiful as the neishDOrhood cows can
make them, there is a quaint little VII
Iage called Out0fdate, where The necessa-
Ies of lie can be bought-that is. pro-
.ided you have money. This municipal
corporation las got keen eye for busi-
ness. and il appears that / have always
struck tine town ON rising market.
have paid for spools OF cotton and needles
prices that would cause my wife to faint
with indignation The chief man in out
ofdate is the at0rekeeper, who also corre-
spends for your paper, ana is iourth-
class postmaster, notary public, coun-
Us supervisor ana "a deacon In the Bap-
list church. lie told me himself that he
was a fOurth-c-ass postmaster, ana i nave
strong reasons for believing that he is
also fourth-class newspaper man. Ger
tainly the writer's on English could not
quote his letters as criterions Of gram
mar. or Of anything else FOR that matter
here is a sample OF his re9orlorial work
recently sent the paper; ir was headed
Fatal Conha grafton" Pause and con-
slider. 1.-THE barn and contents Of Mr.
Weeyil Green, who resides eight miles
from here. we're entirely destroyed by ire
last Tuesday. Despite desperate efforts
the flames shortly spread TO his residence
but he and mis- family were finally res
cued and the house saved. Mr.. Green,
who is now in our midst, has the SYM
PATTY of the entire community"
Think OF Il, While we can all stand
up under the loss OF Mr.. Weevil Green's
barn. what must We do when we contem-
plato that gentleman unfortunate condi-
lion. our correspondent informs us that,
in addition TO the destruction OF the
house. the contents Of this estimable
gentleman were entirely consumed. And
why? Yes / ask why. Was the eatas-
tronhs due 10 spontaneous combustion
pereyated by overindugence in liquor, or
was il due 20 spark sucked in from
his piper Poor man-poor. cocds-sheil OF
a creature, with an incinerated Interior
no wonder he has the sympathy OF the
entire community.
And what did the neighhors do for him
after they had rescued his outer crust?
do not know. but IL appears from the
item that they treated him pretty much
as the whale treated Jonah. Your cor
-..,rondapt saws ho a. now fin their