The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-05-28

I am too proud, too sensitive, too little
mistress of myself when angry or
aroused If like some strong women.
/ loved what was weaker than myself,
and could be controlled by goodness
and unlimited kindness, Knight ven-
| ture to risk living at the side of the
most indulgent and upright man
\ know. But / am not of that kind.
Strength only can command my ad-
miration or subdue my pride. 1 must
fear where L love, and own for hus-
band him who has first shown himself
| for me; for you. least of all the men ]
know, will never claim my obedience
or command my love. Not that / will
not yield my heart to you, but that ]
cannot; and knowing that / cannot
feel it honest to say so be-
fore any more of your fine
manhood is wasted. Go your way
then, Philemon. and leave me to the
| rougher paths my feet We're made TO
tread 1 like you now. and feel some
| thing like a tender regard for your
| goodness, but il you persist in a court
! ship, which only my father is inclined
to smile upon. you will call up an an
tagonism that can lead to nothing but
evil, for the serpent that lies coiled
in my breast has deadly fangs. and it
is to be feared, as you should know,
I
angry.
Do not blame John or James label,
or Frederick Snow, nor even Samuel
Barton for this. 1t would be the same
if none of these men existed. I was
not made to triumph over a kindly ma
ture, but to subdue the haughtiest
heart in all this country 10 the gentle.
Do you want to know who that master
is? L cannot tell you, for 1 have not
yet named him to myself.
Dear james, am going away. / am
going to leave Dorchester for several
months. l am going to see the world
did not tell you this last night for fear
of weakening under your entreaties, or
should / say, commands. Lately / have
felt myself weakening more than once,
and l want to know what it means
Absence will teach me. absence and the
sight of new faces. Do you quarrel
with this necessity? Do you think /
should know my mind without any such
test? Alas, James, it is not a simple
mind, and ii battles me at times. Let
us then give it chance. If the glow
and glamor of elegant city life can
make me forget certain snatches of talk
at our old gate, or that night when you
drew my hand through your arm and
no mate for You, whose love, however
critical, has never wavered from the
first, but has made itself felt even in
rebuke, as the strongest, sweetest thing
that has entered my turbulent life. Be
cause | would be worthy of you, / sub
init to a separation which will either be
a permanent one, or the last that will
ever take place between you and me-
John will not bear this as we'll as you
yet he does not love me as well, pos
sibly because to him 1 am simply a SUI
perior being, while to you 1 am a living
but imperfect woman, who wishes to dc
right, but can only do so under the
highest guidance
Dear John-I feel that / owe you a
letter because you have been so pa
tient. You may show it to James ii
You like, but 1 mean it for you as an
old and dear friend who will one day
dance at my wedding.
l am living in a whirl of enjoyment.
am seeing and tasting of pleasures
1 have only dreamed about till now.
From a farmhouse kitchen TO Mrs.
Andrews drawing room is a lively
change for girl who loves dress and
show only less than daily intercourse
with famous men and brilliant women.
But I am bearing 1t nobly and have
developed tastes / did not know l pos
sessed. And no one seems to think ]
am out of place nor do L feel SO, only
do not tell James-there are move
mentS in my heart at times which make
me shut my eyes when the lights are
brightest, and dream, if but for an
instant, of home and the tumble-down
gateway, where 1 have so often leaned
when some one you know who it is