Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-12-19

III an dUJO1u1US TOOTH, III Tue SAME U1i-
draped condition.
why, what are you doing?" exclaimed
the aStoniShed mother.
I'm only God, and I've got to put them
out of the garden of Eden," was the re.
ply.-Hartford Courant.
She went to see the football game,
She tailed every score,
She knew the players all by name;
She'd seen them oft before.
She shouted: "Off side! Tackle low!"
She cheered at every run.
The only thing she didn't know
Was just which team had won!
Philadelphia Record.
1t was a wet day, the streets were
sloppy, and Gus Reder and Graham Nc.
Farlane stood watching the maneuverS OF
the women as they engineered their long
skirts over the crossings, says the Mem
phis Scimitar.
Il always think the women should be
permitted great liberty in the matter OF
raising the skirts in wet weather., re
marked Mr.. Reder..
That 500" responded Graham, in an
interrogatory tone.
Yes, sir; l have figured out exactly
how high they ought to be raised
How high do you make it!'
"A little over two feet"
There's something wrong about this
story" said the editor. You commence
by saying The father and his family
were chatting about the cheerful fire
side and yet, further on, you say they
lived in an apartment house
Excuse me- said the reporter, taking
the manuscript and making some marks
on it, 'how Will that do!"
The changed manuscript read thus:
THE father and his family were chat
tering on the top of the cheerless radi-
ator. y onkers Statesman.
Here is a respectable-looIing middle
aged woman, says the Contemporary Re
view; twenty times at least she had been
sent to varying terms Of imprisonment
for stealing from shops; an incorriglble
shoplifter she is termed; and so | thought
till l came to understand her Repeated
ly as she was charged, the pathos of the
whole thing grew upon me. Her silence
in the dock and her tears in the cells
were irresistible. So we became friends,
and she told me her secret | found re-
spectacle lodgings for her, hired Il sewing
machine and secured her plenty of work.
She was not idle. and was soon beyond
the necessity of stealing. | flattered my
self we were on the way to success, and
| said to her. Your devil shall be east
out when all of sudden the old Of
Tense was repeated, and again to prison
she went. My heart went out to the
wretched creature as she sat in the cell.
| could not condemn her. for | knew.
With Il piteous look into my face she
said. Don't blame me. Mr.. Holmes.
don't blame me; can't help it. | would
if | could. but | must steal boots.
Knowing this, | had provided her lib
orally with boots TO minimize the tempta-
ton. but all in vain: and, so far as |
could ascertain. she had never stolen any
thing but boots.
THE HONEST GOLFERS PRAYER
From the many bad lies upon the links
St. Andrew guard me still!
From the lie in sand and the cuppy lie,
And the lie on the steep side hill;
From the lie in grass and the stymied lie,
And the lie of the gofing bore;
But of all bad lies ] pray thee grace
From the lie about the score.
Boston Transcript.
''The kind of drummer we want is a
convincing talker who has a large circle
of friends.
You'll not find him.
why nOt?'
Convincing takers never have
large circle of friends. "-Indianapolis
journal.
The following is extracted from an es-
say written by a schOolboy, aged 10, on
IL play he had been to see: The yillun
curled his mustarsh md seeing the pure
vurgin shreeks ha Ia be mine or deaths
blud is on my head this dagger Stabs thee
to thy utermOSt sole ha ha VengunZe.
But the good hero comes and says o hev
ing hevins stur won step and thy ded
body lies at my door. Lay one parm or
the YurginS korpse and it was better il
you was drowned with a milestone.
Avarnt varnt from the sweet korpses
presunz. ''-Tit-Bits.
WHEN THE birds" GET GAY.
Sing u song of sixpence, pocket full OF
rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in
When the pie was opened the birds began
Annie Rooney" Comrades and all that
sort of thing. Harlem Life.
a small boy from the slums had been
brought into the mission school, and for
4 couple of Sundays he had been instruct
ed in the rudiments, relates the Memphis
Commercial Appeal. On the third Sun
day he brought with him his brother Will
liam. To test his memory the teacher. be-
gan to go over the previous lessons.
WHO made your she asked.
God" he replied, promptly.
''And what else did God maker
The youngster studied for moment
and looked around hopelessly till he no
ticed his brother; then his face bright
ened. He made Bill too, I guess he
answered triumphantly.
"Mamma,' said little Bessie, just after
attending services at church, are people
who sit in the middle aisles Wickeder
than those at the side?"
Certainly not, dear. Why?'
Because the preacher only preached
to them. Columbus CO., State Journal.
--:o:--
do you know, Margaret said Co
lumbus father to his 1S-yearold daagh
ter the other morning, that it was after
II o'clock last night when that young
man left here?'
''Oh, it couldn't have been, papa"
But it was. Now don't let that hap
pen again"
But, papa, I couldn't tell him to leave
I did nothing to entertain Mr.. Staylate
except to show him my scrapbook''
well. I'll bring home my account
book this evening, with the dry goods,
millinery and dressmaker expenses bal
anced up. If he calls again show him
that"-Ohio State Journal.