The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1899-08-03

, these humOrists have very origins
way Of delivering their speeches
Mr.. Grossmith's being overfiowin
with merriment, and Mark Twain
as dry as nuts. AS soon as MI
Grossmith sat down Mark Twai
rose to reply for himself and hi
wife, whose health had been drunl
with prolonged cheering and musica
honors. He said:
1T has always been difficult
leave that word difhcult-not ex
ceedingly difficult, but just difficult
nothing more than that, not th'
slightest shade to add to that-jus
ditf1cult-to respond properly, in the
right phraseology, when compli
ments are paid to me; but it is more
than difficult when the compliments
are paid to a better than my wife,
And while l am not here to testify
against myself can't be expected
to do so, a prisoner In your own
country is not admitted to do so-as
to which member of the family wrote
my books, I could say in general
that really I wrote the books myself.
My wife puts tn. facts in, and they
make it respectable. My modesty
won't suffer while compliments are
being paid to my literature, and
through literature to my family. 1
can't get enough of them. 1 am Gu
riously situated tonight, it so rarely
happens that I am introduced by a
humorist; 1 am generally introduced
by a person of grave walk and car
riage. That makes the proper back
ground of gravity for brightness; l
am going to alter to suit, and haply
I may say some humorous things.
When yeu start with a blaze of sun
shine and upburst Of humor, when
you begin with that, thsproper Office
of humor is to reflect, to | ut you into
that pensive mood of deep thought,
to make you think of your sins: if
you wish half an hour to fly. HUI
NOR makes me reflect now tonight. it
sets the thinking machinery in mo-
tion. Always, when I am thinking,
there come suggestions of what am,
and what We all are, and what We
are coming to. A sermon comes
from my lips always when 1 listen to
a humorous speech. seize the "p-
portunity to throw away frivolities,
to say something to plant the seed,
and make all better than when /
came. In Mr.. Grossmith's remarks
there was subtle something sug-
gesting my favorite theory of the
difference between theoretical NOR
ais and practical morals. I try to
instill practical morals in the place
of theatrical-I mean theoretical.
But as an addendum-an annex,
something added to theoretical
morals. When your chairman said
it was the first time he had ever
taken the chair he did not mean that
he had not taken lots of other things;
he attended my first lecture and took
notes. This indicated the mans dis
position. There was nothing else
flying round. so he took notes; he
would have taken anything he could
get. / can bring "a moral to bear
here which shows the difference be-
tween theoretical morals and prac-
ticaI morals. Theoretical. morals
are the sort you get on your mothers
knee, in good books and from the
pulpit. You gather them in your
head and not in your heart; they are
theory without Practice. Without
the assistance Of practice to perfect
them it is difficult to teach child.
"be honest, don't STEAL" [ will
teach you how it should be done,
lead you into temptation, teach you
how to steal, so that you may re-
cognize when you have stolen and
feel the proper pangs. 1t is no good
going round and Dragging you have
never taken the chair. AS by the
fires Of experience, so by commits
sion of crime. you learn real morals.
Commit all the crimes, familiarize
with all sins, take them in
rotation, there are only two or three
thousand of them, stick to it, COM
nit two or three every day, and by
and by you will be proof against
them.
When through you will be proof
against all sins aud morally perfect.
You will be vaccinated against every
possible commission of them. This
is the only way. l will read you
written statement upon the subject
that wrote three years ago to read
to the Sabbath schools (here the lec-
turer turned his pockets out, but
without success.) No, have left it
at home. Still, it was mere state
ment Of fact. illustrating the value
of practical morals produced by the
of crime. It was in my
boyhood-just statement of fact,
reading is only more formal, merely
facts, merely pathetic facts. which I
can state so as to be understood. 1t
relates to the first time ! ever stole
a watermelon; that is, think it was
the first time; any way, it was right
along there somewhere. | stole it
out of farmers wagon while he was
waiting on another customer. Stole
is a harsh term. ] withdrew-I re-
tired that watermelon. / carried it
to a secluded corner of a lumber
yard. l broke it open. 1t was
preen-the greeneSt watermelon