davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
A Revived Chestnut.

Bob Sloan and Stuart Robson are
both telling a funny story about a
shiftless country pumpkin, whose wife
had asked him to go to the village
store and exchange an egg for a darn
ing needle. After much persuasion, he
was induced to go out TO the barn and
rob the nest of an honest hens days
work. Arriving at the store, the fol-
lowing conversation took place:
Say. Zeb, Clarinda Ann wants a
darnin' needle; give yer an egg fer
one" The trade was made and after
swapping lies around the sugar barrel
for fifteen or twenty minutes the
pumpkin said: Eggs mighty high,
Zeb, been't they? 1 low you ought to
treat on that thar trade we made a
spell ago"
well, I'll be jiggered," answered
Zeb, If you've got gall 'nough to ask
me to, ST, digged if 1 don't What'u
you have to take?" With sundry
bitches of his trousers, Clarinda AIMS
husband allowed he'd have sherry
and egg. Setting the sherry bottle out
on the counter, Zeb reached for the
egg he had just traded for and open
ing it on the edge of the glass dis
closed the fact that it contained two
yolks; while Sis face broadened into
a grin as he calculated, Gosh Zeb,
you owe me mother needle, don't you?"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
Senator Stewards Hobby.

Ex-senator EVarts. hit off Mr.. Stew
arts peculiarities in a little story that
he told at dinner given in honor of
Senator Spooner when the latter was
leaving public life six years ago. After
the coffee was served one after another
of his colleagues arose and pronounced
a eulogy. When Mr.. Stewards turn
came, he said that while Spooner was
a good fellow he was all wrong on fl
nances, and proceeded to repeat the old
speech he had made so many times in
the senate.
Senator EVarts, who next took the
floor, said that Stewart reminded him
of a man he had met in an insane
asylum one time when he was acting
as a member of a board of visitors.
The superintendent told them that they
must say cheerful things to the pa
TENTS, and therefore when he saw a
lunatic sitting astride of a table beat
ing it with a whip and pretending to
drive it with a pair of string lines he
walked up to him and said: That's a
fine hobby you have there, my friend"
1T isn't a hobby" answered the lun-
attic: its a horse"
What's the difference between a
horse and a hobby?" suggested MIR
Evarts. The lunatic turned on him
with an air of supreme contempt, and
remarked: You blank fool, anybody
can get off a horse, but nobody ever
got off a hobby"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
Madame Melba's Rival.

An amusing story is going the
rounds about a recent concert given by
Madame Melby at the house of a fash
ionable hostess in New York Hardly
had she commenced her song when a
strange, silvery mechanical rival made
itself heard. The shocked hostess
turned her head, scowling for silence
Her immediate neighbOrs followed
suit, but the tinkle- tinkle ran on as
regularly as ever. 1t grew unbearable,
Melba sang on, but every one listened
to the mysterious undercurrent, in
which there was no harmony, and only
vexation.
People rose, peered under chairs,
glared at the walls, the door, the cell
ing, each other. a buzz of whispers
spread over the room. On the plat
form, a figure of reproachful curiosity,
stood Melba While the extraordinary
music still galloped on, the search COM
menced, chairs were upset, boards
tapped, pockets examined. Upon a
chair, which played a house
hold air when sat upon, squeezed a
stout and deliciously unconcerned old
lady. The chair was removed and the
concert resumed.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13

You really don't know what COM
Portable travelling is if you havs
never travelled via the Burlington
Holds the Worlds record for long
distance fast running 1,o25 miles,
Loaf minutes.
The Burlington Route is 1887
miles 1ong-nearly one-third the dis
tsnce round the world.
Offers a wider choice of routes than
any other line, to and from Chicago,
st. Louis, Omaha, Kansas City and all
eastern points.
Two through trains each way daily.
Vestibuled buffet smoking library
cars, Pullman sleeping cars, reclining
chair cars (seats free) coaches. Fin
est dining car service in the world.
Dining cars operated on the cafe
plan; that is, you pay only for what
you order.
Tickets at Offices of connecting lines.
I. a. BENTON, Ticket Agent, r. G.
W. Ry., Dolly Block.
R. F. NESLEN, Travelling Pass. and
Freight Agent.
W. f. M'MILLAN, Gen. Agt.
214 S. W. Temple ST.. Salt Lake City.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
INVESTIGATE.

BY ali means Investigate the charges
CT bribery and official corruption in
the legislature.
The Herald has urged this for several
weeks, ever since local newspaper
began its insinuations against legisla-
tors and certain senatorial candidates.
Let the investigation begin at once.
Let it be searching and thorough.
The honor of the state demands it;
the good name of the legislature and
the gentlemen who are candidates be-
fore it require that the matter should
be investigated.
Let 7. H Lannan and every other
man who claim to know anything about
the improper use of money or the pur-
chase of votes be summoned and re-
CURED to tell what he knows about It.
Through his personal organ Mr.. Lam
nan has proclaimed the existence of a
corruption fund.
He should reveal the names Of those
legislators whom he accuses of bribery,
that the innocent may not be included
with the guilty, if there be guilty
ores.
He should be asked and required to
tell the legislature who has offered
brides, and who has taken them.
The legislature cannot afford to ig-
more these charges.
II true. the blame should be fixed
where 4 belongs.
II false, the hbeler should be placed
where he belongs.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
SOME GOOD SHORT STOR|E
Kipling's First Reporting.

Il see the papers are reviving the
story of Rudyard Kiplings San Fran
cisco experience in journalism" re-
marked a writer on the New Orleans
Times Democrat, who is familiar with
the traditions of the coast, but they
have it all wrong. The facts We're sim
ply these: Kipling struck Frisco
when he was OVerburdened with neith-
er money nor fame, and applied at
one of the morning papers for job
The city editor was not much i'm
pressed with his appearance, but he
happened to need help and he gave him
a chance on the force. The first as
signment he got was to write UP a
mercantile failure, which he did in his
own peculiar style. He made no ref
erence to the assets or liabilities or any
of the other essential facts. but con-
fined himself chiefly to a striking pen
portrait of the bankrupt, whom he de-
picted as an oleaginous rascal ripe for
a cell.
When the city editor read the copy
ne came near having a fit. Here. you
man with spectacles,' he bawled, who
ever told you you was a journalist
must have been joking. Go and try
shoemakingi' That was the way the
creator of .Mulvaney came to be fired,
and | was never able 10 see where the
joke came in. There are plenty OF
great literary artists who wouldn't be
worth their salt on daily paper, and
Kipling belongs to that category. He
was bounced, and ought TO have been
bounced, and would be bounced again
if he turned up incog' and took Il
staff assignment. Robert Louis Steven
son had almost the same experience
in San Francisco in his youthful days.
He sent some of his manuscript to one
n n nj
turned down as unmitigated rot. He
used to say afterward that the episode
gave him great respect for the sagacity
of California editors
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
INDIA NEEDS BIMETALLISM.

It is a somewhat significant fact that
leading goldites of England continue to
advocate a return of India to a free
coinage basis. These men have not
been convinced by arguments, for they
have been deaf to every appeal of BIZ
metallists. But they are inquiring of
practical business men, for whose ooin-
ions they claim to care more than for
the smoothest speech of any orofes-
sional orator in the land.
Sir Robert Giffin, regarded as one of
the most influential advocates of the
single gold standard in Europe, has
become one of the most devout believ-
ers in the free coinage Of silver as The
only salvation for India
AS a result of an inquiry among bust
ness men and an investigation of indus
trial conditions there is some chance
of favorable action in reference to the
Indian minis.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
SOME SERIOUS CHARGES.

Our morning contemporary is making
some very serious charges against the
dominant people of this state. 1t al
ways refuses to specify cases or to in
dictate it's proof in any way, but so
persistently does it reiterate the accu-
sations that many people are becoming
convinced that Utah is really land of
lawbreakers and pledgebreakers. Now,
yesterday, for instance, it made the
following positive statement, not as a
matter of belief, but as a matter of
fact:
1t has been demonstrated that all
over Utah are Dolygamous wives who
were not wives in 1895; we find that
apostles are whipping in the people to
obey the priesthood even to taking more
wives; we find cases where husbands
had separated from their polygamous
wives after the manifesto. who have
been whipped back to live their religion,
within the past eighteen months: we
find where women at church meetings
are urging young girls to go into po-
lygamy; we find where some of the very
highest officers of the church are justi-
flying such Mormons as go into Dolyg-
amy, provided they take the women
to Mexico or British Columbia or some
place outside the boundaries of Utah,
to have the marriage ceremony Der
formed, and the situation is made clear
that the nomination and election of
Roberts was to make a test case; that
in case he could be seated in congress.
it would either be an implied notice by
congress that polygaaly was not OBJ
jectionable to that body, or that it was
impotent TO interfere.
This is hard to believe. There are no
names given, no proofs offered. But
it's like taking ones life in ones hand
TO dispute with our neighbor. Has it not
declared that when the editor
of The Herald writes, and the
manager of The Herald permits
to be published, that any state
ment Of fact made by US is I'M
true, they both know that they are
trying to wilfully deceive this peo-
ple"?
Then, what is to be done with these
charges? Probably we may be allowed
to consider them without throwing our
neighbor into another CONFUSION. The
Tribune declares:
1. There are polygamous wives all
over Utah, who have been married since
1895
2. Apostles are compelling the people
to practice polygamy.
3. Polygamists are forced by the
church authorities to renew the rela-
tons severed by the manifesto.
f. Women in church meetings are
young girls to enter polygamy
5. Highest officials of the church are
evasion of the law.
These are serious charges. They
should be refuted. They place the
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
NOT THE FIRST.

Senator Cannon is the first Mormon
who has ever dared TO make a stand
for the right; the first Mormon who
has dared in public TO raise a cry to
make and keep Utah an American
state VIII young Utah stand by him
Will it join the progressionists, or will
it fall into the ranks of the reaction
lists? VIII it be lion or a crab?-Tri-
bune-
AS matter of fact, the little senator
is one of the last to make a stand for
the right. Men know too we'll the meth
DDS by which he has succeeded in poll
tics to believe any CUFF like the Tribune
is giving them. If there is & man in
all this western country who has been
lifted up, and held up, and pushed up,
and up, and up, by ecclesiastical infiu-
ence and JesuiticaI methods, that man
is Frank ]. Cannon.
He is the creature of the power he
denounces. There were hundreds OF
Mormons who made a stand for the
right, who dared in public to raise a cry
TO keep Utah an American state, when
Mr.. Cannon was disseminating his re-
ngio-political campaign documents
through the medium of the Sunday
schools, and conducting his campaign
with the aid of bishops and teachers
and the organs of the dominant church.
1t is only when the use of ecclesias-
teal machinery is denied him, only
when the influence of the church is
firmly and surely withdrawn from poll
tics that the senator confides to the
public that he is "a bad man and at
JACKS his enemies"
This, our morning contemporary says,
means that the senator is new evan
gel' making a stand for the right
1t is certainly a new thing in evangeis
for one to call an audience together be-
cause charges of immortality have been
made against him, to hear him attack
prominent people but make no denial
of the charges.
He is, doubtless, the first who has ever
dared to make stand Of that kind.
There is no record OF any other.
And yet, whatever of hostility to &c
clesiastical interference in political af-
fairs may be scattered through the per-
sonalities in the senator's address, The
Herald heartily endorses. 1t will be
found advocating the complete separa-
ton Of church and state. the perfect
political independence of the people
from ecclesiastical domination or influ-
ence, through all the changes that mark
the appearance Of our chameleon con-
temporary as it moves about in its err
ratio way upon the chess board of To-
cal or national politics.
There is but one way to have perfect
peace in this state; it is to permit every
man 10 take part in politics in his own
name and right; to forbid men from
speaking as if by divine authority or
in the name Of the church to influence |
the minds of voters; to put an everlast-
ing quietus on Storm Starters who con-
done one year what they condemn the
next, who go into the tribunal of public /
opinion with unciean hands asking for !
a judgment when they offer no proof.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
Not For the Queen.

Some years ago, when the queen Wis
tied certain sisterhood, she desired
the Superior to show her the place just
as an ordinary visitor. and not to
treat her as Queen, relates London M.
a. p" The Superior agreed, and pro-
ceeded to conduct her majesty all over
the building. The queen was much in
terested, but observed with veXation
that wherever they went the sisters
curtesied. At last she remarked to her
guide: Il thought l made you under
stand that l wished to be treated as an
ordinary visitor? Why, then, is every
one curtesying?" Pardon me, madam, -
replied the mother, you have been
obeyed. The reverence shown by the
sisters was not intended for the queen
but for me, their superior"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
METEOROLOGICAL RECORD.
Yesterdays Observations at the Lo-
cal Office of the Weather Bureau.

Salt Lake City, Utah, Feb. u, 1882
Mean temperature, % degrees; depart
ure from normal, minus degrees; max
imum temperature. 81 degrees; minimum
temperature. 10 degrees; accumulated de-
1iciency OF temperature since 1st of month,
l19 degrees; accumulated excess OF tenn
perature since Jan. l, 81 degrees Total
precipitation Cnches and hundredtnS).
none; departure from normal, minus "a
inches; accumulated excess of precipita-
ton since LIST Of month, 1.36 inches; ac-
cumulated excess Of precipitation since
Jan. /, &c inches.
L. H MURDOCH,
Section Director. Weather Bureau.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
Sydney Smith and His Witticisms.

(AIrs Julia Ward Howe, in the Atlantic.)
The Rev. Sydney Smith was one of
the first to honor our introduction with
a call. His reputation as wit was al
ready worldwide, and he was certainly
one of the idols of London society. In
appearance he was hardly progresses
ing. He was short and squat of figure,
with a rubicund countenance. redeemed
by a pair of twinkling eyes
In the course of the visit already re-
ferred to, Mr. Smith promised that we
should receive cards for an entertain
ment which his daughter, Mrs. Holland.
was about to give. The cards were
received, and we presented ourselves
al the party
At this party Sydney Smith was con-
stantly the center of a group of admir-
ing friends When we first entered the
rooms he said to us, Il am so busy
tonight that 1 can do nothing for YOU"
Later in the evening he found time
to seek me out. Mrs. Howe" said he,
this is a rout. like routs. Do you
have routs in America"
We have parties like this in Amer
ica," L replied, but we do not call
them routs."
What do you call them?'
I'VE call them receptions"
This seemed to amuse him, and he
said to some one who stood near us:
Mrs. Howe says that in America
they call routs receptions.
He asked what / had seen in London,
so far. / replied that / had recently
visited the house of lords. Whereupon
he remarked:
Mrs. Howe, your English is excel
lent. / have only heard you make one
INSTRUMENTATION. You have just said.
house of lords. We say house of
lards. +" Some one near by said, "Oh,
yes! the house is always addressed as
My luds and gentlemen.
When 1 repeated this to Horace
Mann, it so vexed his gentle spirit as
to cause him to exciaim, House. of
lords! you ought to have said, house
of devils,"
have made several visits to London
since that time, one quite recently, and
I have observed that people now speak
of receptions and not routs. I believe
also that the pronunciation insisted up
on by sydney Smith has become a
thing of the past.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
Indians SMOKE Cigarettes.
New York Herald.

Whenever we think of 10, the poor In
diam" we picture him in our minds as
smoking the picturesque pipe of peace. -
yet today we find him smoking cigarettes.
1t is enough TO make Tecumseh, Samoset
and the rest of the old-time braves rise
from their graves with a flourish of the
tomahawk and q warwhooo.
1t is q question how the Apaches and
NavajoS of the southwestern reservation
acquired this habit. Some say il was
their associations with the Mexican
tribes. who learned cigarette making from
the Spanish. Others attribute their down.
fall TO the cowboys. But however they
came by the habit. they do not smoke pa
Indian corn husks and dry them.
When a cigarette is wanted. the dried
husk is thoroughly wet in water. the to-
bacco placed on it and the husk rolled up.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
Bamberger sells coal right.
STOCKS AND INVESTMENTS.

Utah Bank and Commercial Stocks. and
other High Grade investment securities
sought and sold
Loans on Stocks.
Dividend-paying stocks bought and sold.
Investment orders from Institutions.
trustees of estates and capitalists will re-
ceive the best of attention.
JOHN C.. CUTLER. JR.
Tel. III. &c Main Street.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
OCEAN-ROARS AND OTHERS.

Our morning contemporary seems to
think that no reform is genuine unless
it suits its own purpose, that no men
are earnest who fail TO denounce its
personal enemies, that no principle is
worthy unless it carries with it the pri-
waite interests of the Would-be Boss.
When hundreds of Democrats. many
of them worthy young men and mem
bers OF the dominant church met in
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13

OREGON SHORT line RAILROAD
TIME TABLE IN EFFECT JAN. 4. 1899
ARRIVE


ARRIVE.
From Ogden. Chicago. Omaha
St Louis. Kansas City and
From Ogden. Portland. Spokane
Butte and San FranciScO........ $50 a m
From Ogden. Chicago, ST. Louis,
Omaha and Denver .............. 3:15 pm.
From Ogden. Cache Valley,
Montpelier and San Francisco. 7:45 pm.
SaFrom Tintic. Mercur Sanpete,
Milford. intermediate points. -. $40 pm
%t'rom Tooele and Terminus. 500 pm.
DEPART
For Ogden. Park City. Omaha.
Chicago, Denver, Kansas City
and st. Louis. ..................... 700 am.
For Ogden. Cache Valley points.
Pocatello. Montpelier and in
yermediate points .......-.:...... $50 pm.
For Ogden Denver. St Louis.
Chicago. San Francisco. -........ $40 pm.
For Ogden, Butte. Portland, San
Francisco, Cache Valley 1890. 9:45 am
~For Tintic, Mercur. Provo. San
pete. Milford. intermediate ITS 500 a m
*F'or Tooele and Terminus ........ 7:45 am.
*Trains south of Juab do not run Sun
'Daily except Sunday
City Ticket Office Under Masonic
Hall, Second South Street.
8. w. ECCLES. d. E. hurley
Gen. Traffic Manager. Gen p. and II a
w. ri. BANCROFT,
Vice President and Genl Manager.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13

$500 Current
Ok SALT LAKE -
aSSS Time Table.
LEAVE SALT LAKE CITY.
No. 2-For Provo, Grand June
ton and all points east.......... $50 a m.
No For Provo. Grand juno
ton and all points east .-..-. $40 pm.
No. e-For Bingham, Lehi, Pro-
yo. Mt. Pleasant, Manti. Bel
KNAPP and intermediate points. 500 Am.
NO S-For Eureka. PaysOn, Pro-
vo and intermediate points, 500 pm.
No. 3-For Ogden and west. ..-10:50 p. N.
NO 1-for Ogden and weSt..-.- 9:f5 am.
NO 42-t'or Park City,. SIS am.
No. 9-FOr Ogden, intermediate
and west $3.50 pm.
ARRIVE SALT LAKE CITY.
No. 1.-From Bingham. Provo
Grand Junction and the east. $50 a. m
No 3-From Provo Grand juno
ton and the east................10 :40 pm.
No. 5-From Provo, Bingham.
Eureka, Belknap. Manti and
intermediate points .....-..-.--.. 5:35 pm
No. 2-FrOm ogden and the west. $40 am.
No. From Ogden and the west. 1880 IN.
No. 10-FrOn, ogden and inter
mediate IA IS .................. $40 pm.
No I--FroIL Eureka, PaySOn.
Provo and intermediate points 200 IN.
No. 4-From Park City........... SIS pm.
Ticket Office. 1Os West Second South.
POStoffice Corner
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
ADJUSTMENTS.
UTONIAN.

The following programme has been
arranged for the Orpheus club concert
Thursday evening, and is ample assur-
ance of a rare treat:
''T11a OSf
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13

OFFICE, THE HERALD block. corner
west Temple and First South streets.
Salt Lake CITY
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-02-13
ARPIVE SALT LAKE cT n

Ticket Office. 100 West Second South.
Postoffice Corner.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1899-05-26

Freedom of thought doesn't injure the
world half as much as freedom of tom
que.
The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1899-05-26
HOW TO RIDE A BICYCLE AND
RULES OF THE ROAD.

Age is not a necessary requisite to be
enabled to ride; children of tender
years as well as men of three-score and
ten may become capable riders.
Wealth or station are not requisite,
neither is race, religion, nor previous
condition of servitude.
To thoroughly manage the wheel all
the faculties are brought into play and
the rider of a Sterling soon losses ner-
VOusnesS, SlowneSs of thought, indecis-
ion and kindred faults, obtaining in
stead, steady nerves, quick PERCEPTION,
and decision: besides added health,
strength and consequent increased vital
energy.
1t is proper to say that we advocate
simply, the merits of the Sterling wheel,
which is sold for $50 by the Pacific Cy-
Gle d Manufacturing Company, in the
Ehlers block on Fort street, and fur
Their say that to ably ride and manage Il
Sterling bicycle, does not alone consti-
tute all that is necessary for a wheel
man to know. In addition to ability to
| wheel, it is most necessary to the writ
ten and unwritten
RULES OF THE ROAD.
! keep to right of center of road.
Pass to right of approaching vehi-
| Gle, pedestrian or wheelman
3-Pass to left of pedestrian, vehicle
or wheelman going your way.
| 4-Pass behind a pedestrian crossing a
| street
1.-Two or more riders should follow
the same rule in passing vehicles, ped
| estrians or other wheelman. .
! 6-Always have wheel under fun con-
! troll at the intersection of streets.
! do not scorch on crowded thor
oughfares.
Sect a copy of these Rules of the
Road from the Pacific Cycle & Manu-
featuring Company, and thus fit your
self with. next to a Sterling bicycle, the
most necessary requisite to ride a wheel
pleasantly, safely and ably