The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1899-01-25


He-"When we are married 1 will
lie at your feet" She (interrupting)
--"Yes, and to my face, suppose"
Punch.
Little Harry-"Pa, what's an an.
achronism?" Pa-"A brown wig on q
seventy-year-old man." = Chicago
Daily News.
With all the flowers Of manhood
That are blooming o'er the mead,
IT'S strange that little Wilhelmine
Should take up with Wied.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"By the way, Smith, you never use
perfumes, do you?" NO." drawled
Smith, lazily, 81 don't have 20. /
take a bath every morning. Paper
Mill.
Fashionable Young Lady -"If 1
give you some money will you promise
me to go and take bath?" Beggar-
ga BATH And is it mermaid you
take me for?"
Irate Patron-"I thought this rail-
way was for the benefit of the public. 4"
Railway Oficial-"You're in error.
The public is for the benefit of the
railway. "-Tid-Bits.
Police Justice-'If you were there
for no dishonest purpose, why were
you in your stockinged feet?" Bur-
glar-'I heard there was sickness in
the family. Standard
Adoring One lin lavender kids and
blue scarf)-"Oh, how L wish l
were that book you clasp so lovingly"
She-"How 1 wish you were, so thatI
could shut you up. Ally Sloper.
There are laurels for the hero
And badges for his breast;
But the man who hasn't done thing
Gets chance to rest.
Chicago News.
"Hopkins ought to go into the
army" "Why?" "He's so brave.
He borrowed my wheel and rode it all
summer, and now he has brought me
a bill for repairs. Brooklyn Stand
ard Union.
Graham "Going to move? What
for?" White-"They've got baby
next door to my house, and it makes
so much noise my dog can hardly get
a wink of sleep all night. Boston
Transcript.
Burgling Bill-"No, nol won't go
in again! She's talking in her sleep"
The Mouse-"Well, dat ain'tnuthin'."
Burgling Bill (hoarsely) -"But she's
a loidy elocutionist. San Francisco
Examiner.
"Were you out in all that rain?"
asked the Clifton girl. "No," said the
young woman from Boston. II was
merely in the portion of the rain that
descended in my immediate vicinity"
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Frances-"H Harry says he just wants
to fall down and worship me all the
time" Her Mamma-"Oh, well;
don't mind that dear. After you're
married he won't let it interfere with
his business. Chicago News.
"Now," said the attorney for the
defense, "here is a skull. Can you
tell Ms to what species it belongs?"
IL . llC VI u
the expert witness. "How can you
tell?" "By the cheek-bones. Rural
Home.
Office Boys Brother-"Johnny's
sick a-bed, sir, and won't be able to
come to work for a week" Employer
-"Indeed" The Brother-"Yes, sir;
but he wants me to gets what's due
him, SO he can have it to spend while
he's out. "-Roxbury Gazette.
Lady lin railway train on windy
day)-"Dear mel l can't get this win
dow up" Gentleman behind )-T
would assist you, madam, but 1 pre-
sumo the railroad company has glued
the windows down to prevent the loss
Of patrons by pneumonia. New York
Weekly.
"When that man came to this town."
said Rivers, che hadn't rag to his
back. Look at him now" Brooks
walked to the window. looked in the
direction indicated, and saw a swarthy
son of Italy walking down the street
bending beneath the weight of sack
of rags three or four times his size,
strapped to his back. This led to an
other quarrel between two old friends.
Chicago Tribune.