The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-29
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day at Roller SIX.
 Old Style-Where there is a will
 there is a way. New Style-Whers
 there is a will there Is a contest
 Judge.
 The climate forbids it: Biggs-Is il
 true that Smith, the iceman, is dead
 BOggs- poor fellow. He cuts no Ice now.-Life.
 Military Matters.-Drill Master 0o
 awkward squad)-A Mauser bullet will
 go through eighteen inches of solid
 wood. Remember that, you block
 heads.-Puck.
 "Can you tie a true-lover's knot, my
 dear?' inquired Fred. "No," replied
 Jessie, hiding her blushes with her fan;
 "but our new clergyman can do it very
 nicely."-Life.
 Mrs. Murphy-The swate little ba-
 bies! Mrs. Dugan-They do be thot,
 an ut's twins they are. Mrs. Murphy -Yez don't say! An are the both iv
 thim yOurs.-Judge.
 That's ftp exclaimed Mrs. Bascom at the concert, as the singers came out in response to an encore; make 'em do it over again until they get the thing right. t."-EXchange.
 "No," said the Cuban; 'T canuot be- Heve in the sincerity of the United States" "Why notY ''They prom ised us our liberty, and the first thing they do is ask us to go to work. ."-Puck.
 Excuse me, sir" said Barker to boorish traveller, but what is your bus iness?' "T am a gentleman, sir-that's my business" "Ah," said Barker, '1 see. You are taking a holiday Bits.
 Beggar (pathetically)-Ah, mister, wOt kin be worse dan havin' no home ter go ter? Citizen (unsteadily)-Noz- zin', my friend (hic); nozzin'-'cept havin: home that you've (hic) got to go to.-Judge.
 First Lawyer-I thought you were retained to defend Cory Dick, the wife murderer? Second Lawyer-I was asked to, but my conscience wouldn't let me. It was such a brutal crime. And besides that, he has no money Harlem Life.
 Sentimental wife Creading from a noveD-And, clasping her to his heart, the hero pressed his lips burning to her snowy brow. Practical Husband Yes, and I'll bet a dollar he's down with cold in the next chapter.-Chi- cagO Daily News.
 Apparently the only way to get the Maria Teresa into American waters Is to annex Cat Island.-Buffalo Express.
 Little Clarence what do people feather their nests with? Mir. Cal lipers-Cash down Is the best thing I know of.-Puck.
 "Mr. Orestes Van Ham considers himself the greatest actor on earth" 'Ts that sO?" responded MT. StOrming- ton Barnes thoughtfully. Hes get ting strangely modest. He used to | consider himself the greatest actor | that ever lived. ."-Washington Star.
 Wallace-What ponderOus subjects
  The Causes of the Decay of Roman | Civilization was one of the titles of . the essays read, I noticed. Mrs. Wal Iace-Yes; but none of us pay any at tention, you see.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
 Callahan (despondently)-Su an Orve bin leadin' a dogs loife iver since Oi got married. Kerrigan (thoughtfully)-Perhaps yez wint to the wrong clerk, Callahan. an got a dog license instid uv a marriage H. 
 Dear me, George, why don't you q thought I promised you never would" "YOu did; but 1 saw some of the cutest little boxes in downtown window to-day and they were marked only 40 cents for twenty five real cigars!'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 Mother-I can't see why you should object to MT. Goodseuse. Daughter never could marry such a man as that. He wears the cheapest kind of clothes. MOther-That Is mere idiosyncrasy. Daughter-Y-e-s, put Pm afraid he'll want me to dress he same way.
 Customer-I haven't any change with me this morning; will you trust ne fn. postage-stamp until to-mor- -ov! Drug Clerk-Certainly MT. Jones. Customer-But suppose I should get killed, or Drug Clerk Pray don't speak of 1t, Mir. Jones; the oss would be but a trifie.-Chicago News.
 Hobson-How did you enjoy your summer trip, Bagley? Bagley-Had delightful time. Gained one hundred md thirty pounds. HObson-One hun fred and thirty pounds l don't believe t. Bagley-DOn't you2 Well, here 1t comes down the street. Just wait moment and I'll introduce you.-Har em Life. An American in Rome was asked by friend at home to bring back some italian fireworks. Upon arrival the eturned tourist presented his friend with half a dozen ordinary bedroom .. .andles. "What on earth are these," Lsked the friend. Italian fireworks" aid the other, Roman candles. ,urloined them at the hotel where I ived." d."-National Hotel Reporter. The driver of a prisOn-van was re- i ently hailed by a wOuld-be wag: "Got ny room inside RObert?'' There's . oom for one," replied the driver; i've ,ep' 1t for you" Not entirely discOn- erted, the wouldbe wag had another hot. "What's your fareY' he asked. 'he answer, however, completely ex- inguished him. Bread and water