davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Arithmetic.

Arithmet1
Tom. asked OF Dick, with smile so slick,
This question in aritnemetic:
Were you possessed of dollars ten,
Ard l asked for a v,
How much would be left to you then?
An answer give to me-
Twas easy and Dick hesitated not,
But answered.: Just ten dollars on tn
spot.
Harlem Life
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Usually the WAY.

II used to buy neckties for my wife"
he said, "but / had to quit it. Those +
bought for her never suited her
so she buys them herself now, does
she?"
No: she takes those buy for my
self. They always seem to suit her.
Chicago Post
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14

In these days when the ladies' fair ars
strong in outdoor sports.
And learn to box and row and sEoo. and
ride.
To golf and run and do great stunts within
the tennis courts
There's no such thing amees Us as the
erstwhiIe biGshing bride
philadelphia North American
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14

"Does your husband walk much dur
ing the day."
NO, think not; he does most of his
walking at night"
rs he policeman"
''Oh, no; but we've got ysar-oId
baby at the house, you know
Yonkers Statesman.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14

'You are not angry with me because
I threw kiss to csS- are your he
asked.
"Yes, I am" she replied.
'Why?" he inquired.
Because there was no impenetsabIe
barrier between us that made it neces-
sary."-Chicago Post.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
His Experience.

The Boy wouldn't mind if we had
anotheriwar wild somebody.
The Man on ain't thinkin' Of goin'
to the front, are you? l.a
mo; but there's nothin' like war
for sellin' papers. Puck.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Nothing to Live For.

Oficer-Come out O. that! No SWIM
min in here.
Clarence O'Rafferty-I amt SWIM
min. I'm tryin' ter commit suicide
cause me love has been spurned by a
heartless croquette.-N. Y. Journal.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
The Lone FsShernaI.

He fishes for suckers" from morning tfgI
night
And nothing but "skee.ers- come near him
to bite,
And only one Sucker" is there. we opIse,
And that is the one at his end Of the line
L. A. W. Bulletin
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Making 1t Ensicr.

YES, said Mrs. Nexdore, ''as a con-
scientious woman I always feel I am
bound to love my neighbor as myself.
When they are so downright mean that
just can't do it move into some other
ighborhood. Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14

It's bad enough to have the little
German band break loose,
And pile the misery on you
Without the least excuse,
But what is infinitely worse
Than all the tunes they play
Is to have them come round with the hat,
Suggesting that you pay
-Philadelph;a North American
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Feminjne Amenities,

.She said your taste in dress was real
" execrable. !
..The cat! Why, she borrowed my
winter hat to wear to her husbands q
funeral!"
'Oh, well, you know, she never really
cared for him!" Cleveland Plain
Dealer. 4. 81
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Would Seem Not.

: Browne-There is always fire where
there is much smoke.
Towne--Huh! Guess you never tried
to build a fire in the kitchen stove at
five o'clock in the morning.-N. Y.
World.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14

Horse Dealer-Yes- sir; we sell most
OF our horses through the matrimonial
advertisements.
Friend-How is that?
Horse Dealer-Why, when we sees a
felIer advertising for a wife we know
he's good thing to stick on a horse.-
Puck.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
An Honest olan.

Biggs-Does Dobbs ever bring any
thing back that he borrows?
Boggs--Oh, yes. He brought back
my snow shovel on the first of May
n. Y. Journal.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
A.tNuliaance.

{ Mfr. fHoon- don { like to ask Jabber-
ton about his health. 3 IS 81
Mrs. Hoonl Why not
& Mr.. Hoon-Oh! he. promptly tells md
about iii. Puck.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14

Dorothy was dining at neighbor's,
and when she was passed the loaf-sugar
for her coffee she said shyly:
mo, thank you; never use any
but congratulated sugar in my coffee. "
Judge.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Sufficient Ground.,

I'm going to get a divorce"
ION what grounds"
"Bigamy. After I married him ]
learned he was welded to his money .
Harlem Life.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Lost His TemneP

Terrence with the hod)-Yer not
workin', Dinnie. Are yez out of a job?
Dennis-Shure, Oh fell off of a nine
shtory buildin' yesterday an Oh got mad
an quit.
Terrence-Aw, go on! Yer too sinsi-
tive.-Judge.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14

Patriotic Orator--Remember George
Washington! When you want thing
well done you must always do it your
self.
Voice from the Crowd-How about
getting your hair cut?
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
why Not Add Sugar Cane,s

A Michigan huckster is trying the
experiment of creating a. new vegetable
by grating tomato and potato vines;
but a Kansas man discounts this,says
tie St. Louis Globe-Democrat, by graft
ing the milkweed and strawberry plant,
in the expectation of producing straw
berries and cream. II
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Preyios.ix Acnu.inf

Previously Acquainied.
"Our old bookkceper says he is max.
ing 200 q month at his new place"
"Yes-200 mistakes. &C Chicago Daily
Record.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
To fhe sueef 3:irI Sr.an.fe.

TO the SWeet GfTH %fH0U8t(.
IT'S rot by iogfc's power that you
Will rule this world Of OURS. my dear5.
But just as other women do
You'll sway mankind with smiles ano
tears.
M Y Journal
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-14
Not ON Ordinarx Kind.

"Ah, Billy, once we wuz jest as in
nocent as him!"-N. Y. Journal.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1899-09-22
Roc from the Ranks.

Prince ChiIkoyv, the minister for rail-
svays in Russia, commenced his career
by making tour of the world in order
to take note of all the latest inventions,
and especially to study the inner work
ings and control of foreign railways
He first took a position as an ordinary
mechanic in the locomotive works at
Liverpool. and, after serving some years
as a laborer. was raised TO the post OF
railway guard, and afterwards station
master at a small suburban station
When he returned to Russia he again
worked his way from mechanic to sta
ton master. and after working for sew
eral years in the latter capacity on the
Trans-Caspian and Varsovie systems.
he was made inspector-generaI and
finally minister of railways.-Chicag
Times-Herald.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1899-09-22
HUMOROUS.

'Why was Mr.. Sweet offended when
they asked him to impersonate the sand
man in that tableau?" HE seemed TO
take it as a personal slur. You see, he's
sugar merchant.''-Ph Bull
letin.
Tommy Scroggins-'Pd hate TO be
dat two-headed boy at the museum
Jimmie Wiggins-"He has lots of fun"
Tommy Scroggins-'I know dat, but
ies' think o. havin' two faces to warsh-"
Ohio State Journal.
81 want to ask just one question, un>
cle," said Sammy Snaggs to his uncle,
hero of the Spanish war. go on,
Sammy" (Which would you rather
eat, hard tack or muster roll ?''-Pitts-
burgh Chronicle Telegraph.
Live s.-Foreman-"Thatl last ar
ticle doesn't quite fill. Shall I put in
some miscellany ?'' Editor miscellany
be hanged! Wen print nothing but live
news on the first pagei Put in a denial
of the last article,'-Detroit Journal
Irate Father-'I saw you kiss my
daughter under cover of the bushes this
afternoon. What do you mean by it?
Golightly-''WeI, now, you hardly
think that 1 would stoop low enough
to discuss personal matters with a
beastly pepper, do your Philadelphia
North American.
a quiet-1ooking young man was walk
| ing along the Strand the other day
when he suddenly slipped over a piece
Of orange peel and fell into the gutter.
While he was in the act of rising, a swell
who was passing by, thinking to amuse
the bystanders, said: Where did you
lie iast?' Where you were bred" was
the unexpected reply. - Spare Mo,
meDtS
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1899-09-22
WHEN 4 WAS A BOY.

Twas a wonderful thing, the river knew
When L was barefooted boy;
And the swimming-hold, near where the
water-hags grew.
with its sandbar was ever bountiful joy
When I was boy
But a boy.
Twas a wonderful thing, day after day
I've sat by it's waters and dreamed,
And watched it flow past in an endless way,
Dancing from nowhere, to nowhere 1t
cleaned.
When 1 was boy
But boy.
To nowhere it cleaned, yet the castles
In that nowhere for beauty were famed;
I'D knights in bright 'armor had many a
tilt
With Robin Hood robbers and robbers I'M
named,
When 1 was boy
But boy
And down where the aIders grew by the
And the water spread out like q lake.
There were imps, and I've seen them look
up in my face,
Then wiggle and dance. and squirm ike
snake.
When 1 was boy
But a boy
And when sister came, a wee little tot,
All bald like a sawdust child,
And / asked where they got ner, pa Sdiu ne
thought
I'd find her tracks down by the river. and
smiled,
When 1 was boy
But a boy.
So the little one grew, till one summer day
cloud came over the stream,
And she passed out in the misty way
That she came like silent and beautiful
WhenI was boy
But a boy.
But days have sped since then and the
years
Have passed like a cycle of dreams:
Beautiful dreams that have vanished In
tears,
So like those old times that often it seems
I'm still but boy
But boy.
Cor somehow there's left where the dreams
disappear
A ghost Of a dream in their place.
that heckons me on with a voice Of good
cheer,
And smile on it's ghost of a face,
Which says you're boy
But boy
So I look down the years to the river and
1t dancing the same of old;
And l follow it up from the boundfess sea
Through the misty years to the years OF
gold
When 1 was boy
But boy.
Walter NJ. HaZletine. in Christian stand
ard.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1899-09-22
The Blue House Lock

THE life of Dorcas Heaven, who
keeps the Blue House lock, is
somewhat lonely and monotonous.
Her post is more or less of a sinecure,
for but few barges pass along that bit
of the canal. Indeed, the canal itself,
though winding through the prettiest
bit of country in the neighborhood, is
only navigable during wet season,
After drought it grows so shallow
that cows are wont to stand derisively
in the very middle of it, cooling their
legs.
Elijah, husband of Dorcas, is labor
er on farm some two miles off.
AS the path alongside the canal leads
to nowhere in particular, there is not
much traffic, but when barge does
come Dorcas "bustles her about sharp
ish,'' and there is a great TODD. She
looks upon herself as more or less the
hostess of the occupants of the barge.
''They change the weather and pass the
time of day." their destination and their
business are eXhaustively discussed,
and when at length stiffness settles
down over the Blue House, when there
Is no sound but the cry of peewit Or
the rustic of water rat in the rushes,
Dorcas fetches a chair into the door
way and sinks upon it, exclaiming:
Law! what palladium it have been,
to be sure!''
On Sunday mornings Dorcas does not
go to church, for Elijah do like bit
D meat of a Sunday" and Dorcas is a
good wife first and good church
he Iafo
ner attendance until evening, when
Elijah accompanies her. While the bit
D meat is in course of preparation he
strolls round for "a bit of a talk with
,ne "Ethni Hartman, licensed to sell
peer and tobacco" whose house of cheer
les on the outskirts of the town. and
where the very latest electioneering
news is to be had. Elijah has been
heard to express an opinion to the eff
,ect that there amt no arm in going
% church twice for them as it suits.
out once. along of my missus, be enough
for L"
Had it been in Eliiahs nature to be
astonished at anything, he would have
felt some surprise at the amiability
with which Dorcas had lately speeded
passes" on Sunday mornings. She had
at one time been rather given to in
conveniently suggesting that them
peas want sticking, and the salery be
ready for banking" when Elijah would
fain have been summing himself upon
the bench outside Ethni Harman's hos
pitable door, a mug of cider and like
minded friend beside him. He usually
fell in with his wife's suggestions, for
he was man who loved quiet life, and
Dorcas-when annoyed on Sunday
was apt to carry on her domestic duties
with unnecessary vigor far into the
night on Monday.
The fact was that of late Sunday
mornings had become for Dorcas the
cornerstone of her week, and in this
wise: It did not, as rule, take long
to get Elijah's dinner under way; this
done, Dorcas would take her chair into
the doorway and read her Bible. She
generally chose the Book of Revelation,
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1899-09-22

w-An communications FOR rnis paper should
be accompanied by the name of tho author, net
necessarily for publication but as an evidences
OF good faith on the part OF the writer. Write
only on one side Of the paper. Be particularly
careful In giving names and dates TO have the
letters and figures plain and distinct.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1899-09-22


toward the basin. Pm not as tired as
either of you. I'll take it up to her.
"Oh, no. answered; iii do it. You
must be awfully tired from sitting on
the grass in that awkward position"
Not at ALL he answered. Il insist"
$50 do insist" replied.
But you can't climb the stairs or
even work the elevator with that cramp
in your back, and that dull, tired, stiff
feeling in your arms and legs" he went
on.
Il am as fresh as a daisy" replied.
By this time we were both grasping
the pan and struggling for the posses
sion of it. He was bound to see his joke
through and make me stick at the
wood-sawing until dropped from sheer
exhaustion. 1 was determined not to
give him that opportunity to use it. He
stood with the weight of his body rest
ing on one foot and the other advanced
carelessly. 1 stepped in, caught the
ankle of the leg which supported him in
the crook of my opposite foot. and. with
a twist, threw him backward to the
ground.
To my shame and regret, / was more
successful than l expected to be. Alexis
head struck the stone border of our
long walk. and he was knocked sense
less. Perhaps it was fortunate that the
accident happened, for Cicely confded
10 me that she intended to set the house
On fire if the dishpan trick Of hers did
not work As it was, Alex soon re-
covered. and got a good rest for the
remainder of the morning.-From IAN
ExDerimenfal WOoinp" E r Herrick
& Co.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1899-12-15
Cost OF a Church Carpet.

THE Chicago Advance" gives the
following estimate of the direct and
collateral cost of a church carpet.
The price was $500, but as the women
of the church raised the money by CIV
ing entertainments the pastors esti-
mate was that when all the items of
cost was figured in the carpet had cost
fully $4,000. He. reached this aston
ishing total by estimating the work,
worry, nervous strain, bodily weari-
ness and heartaches of one hundred
women, the heroic efforts of men,
women and children to eat the things
which were to be eaten, and hear, see
or buy things which had been pro-
vided to extract money from them;
the colds, fevers and other ailments
contracted while attending the enter
tainments, and the consequent doc
tors bills; the money spent in other
churches, for IL they come to your en-
tertainment you must go to theirs;
and, worst and most costly of all, the
Generalization of the church and the
curtailment of the legitimate giving
which follow the train of such methods
of raising money. But they got their
carpet.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1899-12-15
New pan.t4andIinq Game.

One of the many schemes of the
Park Row pan handlers" that has
been worked successfully recently is
known as the stamp game" The
scheme II to approach a citizen and
try to obtain stamp. under the pre-
tense OF writing home. After the beg
gar has obtained several stamps he
will try TO sell them, and as general
rule has little trouble in disposing of
them. In some cases he meets a man
who gives him dime OF quarter.
refusing to buy the stamp.
Recently a young man was APP
preached by one Of the beggars not
far from the Brooklyn Bridge, and
when asked for stamp, gave him
one About half an hour after while
going uptown he was accosted at
Broadway and Park Place by the same
man to whom he gave the stamp less
than an hour before
Say boss, can you cash this stamp
for me-" said the pan handler. Il
need a few more cents for "A nights
lodging"
why, gave you that stamp only
an hour ago TO write home to your
folks" said the man.
"Oh. beg pardon. boss. beg pardon:
must be mistake said the pan
handler. and he hurried up Broadway.
New York Sun.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1899-12-15
CHRISTIANITY IN BUSINESS.
lts Principles Applied Would Work a
Glorious Revolution.


There is not the least question that
as the commercial world is organized
and run to-day it is run at fearful
loss along the side of money" writes
Rev. Charles M Sheldon, author of
I'm His Steps," in the Ladies' Home
Journal. Even the rules of success
that business men lay down do not
insure success. Perhaps no age has
equaled this for disturbance and un-
rest and warning interests in the bust
ness world. II the principles of Chris
tainity were applied to the whole bust
ness world 1t would cause a shock that
for the time being would result in
what might prove to be the greatest
financial panic of the ages. But out
of that result would emerge new
order of buying and selling that would
result ultimately in more financial
success on the part of more people
than the world has ever witnessed.
Ultimately love will pay in dollars and
cents better than selfishness. On sell
fish principles the business world to-
day does not succeed even In the mat
ter of making money-that Is, not for
any length of time nor for the masses
of the people. Love in business would
lose less money, and actually dis
tribute the real earnings of toll among
a far greater number of human beings,
than Is possible now under the pres
ent system"
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1899-12-15

He Lives In a Handsome Residence
and Owns Block.

He Lives In q Handsome Residence
and Owns Block.
John Carr has been a beggar on the
streets OF this city for the past quar-
ter of century. To-day he Is a very
wealthy man. the owner of beautiful
East End property and q valuable
block in another part of the city. All
this was accumulated from the pen
mics, nickels and dimes daily dropped
into his hat by the charitable people
who were moved to pity by the sign
that dangled from his breast, II am
Blind" Recently Carr, under the
name of Torrance O'Mara, was a pris-
oner at police headquarters charged
with violating city ordinance. When
arrested $61.SS was found upon him,
not an uncomfortable roll for a beg
gar"
! There is no doubt according to the
police, that Carr is one Of the most
successful beggars of the age. 1t
seems almost incredible that a street
beggar should live in palatiai East
End residence, with all the Injuries
that go with 1t. spacious grounds, &C.
But that is just what Carr does. The
story of Carr and his life since he be-
came a beggar is a most remarkable
one When under arrest some time
ago he. in a burst of confidence, told
It,
Some years ago, when he was in the
best of health and enjoying the use OF
his eyes, he was made a beggar by ac-
cident. 1t was a real hot day. He
was walking the streets out of work
and thoroughly disguised with his lot.
Becoming tired he sat down upon a
stoop to rest. He took on his hat and
was hopping the perspiration from
his brow. At this juncture a kindly
disposed pedestrian passed. Seeing
Carr he took compassion upon him.
Carr at this time had no thought OF
becoming a beggar, but when he put
his hat upon his head bright silver
quarter rolled upon the ground. This
started him to thinking.
From that time until to-day Carr
has been a professional beggar.
He has been arrested numerous
times, and was never taken into Gus
tody without roll being found upon
him. On one occasion $500 was taken
from an inside pocket. Three times
amounts aggregating total of SIS
were discovered. II Carr should ever
be found at the police station with
out large sum of money on him the
officials would be greatly surprised.
Not long ago he was arrested by
Officer Robert Smith at Seventh ave-
nue. and Smithfield street. He object
ed vigorously to being taken into Gus
tody. Some of those who had witness
ed the arrest declared it a shame that
a poor blind man should not be al
lowed to make a living. They did not
know what they were talking about.
At the station house Carr denied hav-
ing anything OF value on him, but Ser
geant Sterck discovered the money.
Carr left forfeit for his appearance
this morning and then took an East
End car for his home in order to get
there In time for his o'clock dinner.
-Pittsburg Post.
Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1899-12-15
sxE LAsHEs RENEWED.
How the Latest Personal Adornment
Il Accomplished.

Transplanting eyebrows is the lat.
est thing In the way OF personal adorn-
ment. Only the brave and rich can
patronize the new method at present,
for. besides being painful and costly.
Il takes a long time to accomplish It.
In Paris and London, says Womans
Life. there are specialists who make
handsome living out of the process
OF transplanting hair from the head
to the eyebrows or eyelashes. The
specialist works by putting in, not on.
the new eyeIashes and brows where
ever they are absent or grow thin, and
SO cunning IS he In his work that not
even the closest scrutiny can detect
any difference.
By means Of the new process, 1t is
said, eyes which are at ordinary times
only passable become languishing in
their expression, while eyes which
were previously considered fine have
their beauty much enhanced.
This is the way new eyelashes are
put I'm: An ordinary fine needle is
threaded with a long hair. generally
taken from the head of the person to
be operated upon. The lower border
of the eyelid is then thoroughly clean
ed. and. in order that the process may
be as painless as possible, rubbed with
a solution OF cocaine The operator
then. by a few skilful touches, runs
his needle through the extreme edges
of the eyeIid between the epidermis
and the lower border of the cartilage
OF the tragus. The needle passes in
and out along the edges of the lid,
leaving its hair thread in loops of
carefully graduated length.
When this has been done another
and another length of hair is sewed
through the lid. until finally there are
dozen or more loops projecting. BY
this time the effect OF the cocaine has
heen lost. and the operator is obliged
10 desist and put off the further sew
Ing of hair" for another sitting.
The next step in the process is cut
ting of and trimming the ends of the
loops. and the result is fine, thick,
long set Of eyelashes. 1t is the finish
Ing touch that is to come that makes
them look like natures own. When
they are first cut they stick out In the
most singular fashion. giving the per-
son operated upon the most uncanny
look The operators next step is to
take curling tongs. made Of silver and
10 larger than knitting needles, and to
give them the curve which is essential
to perfect beauty Then the eyes are
carefully bandaged and kept SO until
the following day.
Most OF the hairs that have been
transplanted take root and grow, but
a few of them fall out and have to be
attended to. For the first month it Is
necessary to curl the new eyelashes
every day, but after that they become
properly assimilated. and 1t Is not nee
essary to give them further attention.
Eyebrows are doctored In the same
way. but there is not so much pain
associated with the process as in
transpIauting eyelasbes.-New York
Herald.