The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-08-12
TRICKS OF THE HEADsTONE MAN,
Education of n Philosopher by n hew-
er of Marble mt EnHt Aurora.

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There are tricks in all trades but ours"
said the broker who had just finished
Wall Street story.
We'll. l don't know" replied the phiioso-
pher, remlniscently. Were you ever in the
head stone business?'
THE head stone business? Never heard
OF 1t, unless you mean manufacturing"
There is a great difference. One Is a
trade the other Is n science. The head
stone business is the limit for tricks. When
l was out Of my apprenticeship, tramped
West through New York state. At East
Aurora I came to marble-yard where
man was cutting inscriptions on head
stones. I was somewhat hystercal from IA
tigue and leaned over the fence and
chaffed him. told him things about his
work that must have surprised him. Among
other things said | could do II much bet
ter than he could. He looked at me
curiously, but without speaking for awhile;
then he laid down his tools, took off his
apron, and said quietly:
" Well. climb over here and do II then.
That man was mindreader. He Is
rich man to-day. He had sized me UP. or
course I could not back down. so jumped
over and went to work, while he sat down
and said plying things about the result
I soon found was turning my own grind
stone to sharpen the strangers axe. like
the little boy in the McGuffy school-reader,
and 1t would have served me right II in the
end he had told me to go about my bust
ness; but, as | say. he was n mindreader,
and he ended by engaging me to work for
him. 1t was then | learned the tricks Of the
headstone business.
THAT man used to make quarterly trips
around the country in buggy. He took
with him samples of stone n book Of in
scriptions, and blarneying tongue that
brought him work enough to keep the yard
going for three months. He was In with
the doctors and the undertakers, and he was
apparently the most heartbroken mourner
at every funeral for miles around. To the
Protestant minister he was a staunCh Chris
tian Endeavorer. while to the Catholic priest
he took off his hat, addressed him as Fa-
Their and spoke In the sweetest OF reve-
rental tones. ! never really knew what his
religion was. but he got the trade OF both
churches. 1t was a treat to see him con-
duct a sale.
"A countrywoman would drive up to the
yard to buy a small monument. He would
size her up instantly. What did she want"
monument Just so. He had what she
wanted exactly. She was Mrs. Smith OF
Joshtown. Yes. he knew her. He had sold
Mrs. Jones OF that place a monument not
long before, n little thing, such as the one
he kicked contemptnOusly with his foot
Oh, yes; but she would want much larger
and finer one. He would end by selling her
stone big enough to top the grave OF the
village maGnate. He always put the high
eat price on the cheapest stone, while the
most expensive stone he quoted sneeringly
far down the list. Natural pride thus
prevented most Of his customers from taxi
ing the finest stones at cut rates. so that his
profits always were great. When his GUS
toner had ordered the shaft he would ask
what kind OF base she wanted. This always
surprised the customer who would want to
know II the base was not included in the
price. 1t was not. by any means. So he
would get an extra profit on the base. Then
he would ask what kind of base she
wanted, at which there would be more
surprise and more dckering. This surprise
in Its turn would be heightened when n
foundation was mentioned This generally
would bring matters to n climax. but /
believe he would have found things to
charge for beneath the foundation. II he
could have had any excuse for doing so.
Sometimes If the priest or the minister
had recommended her he would condescend.
ingly erect the stone for nothing but not
often. and II the customer was particularly
easy he would charge for polishing and
other things Of like nature. Again, II he
had a particularly closefsted old farmer
to deal with. and knew 1t before hand. no
would mention all these accessories, with
their prices. at once, and then gracefully
give them away for the cost OF the shaft
alone. You see, It was the contrast be-
tween his off-hand method and the Sc
rious character of his business that ap-
pealed to me so strongly.
II stayed with him six months, and
then. when found was doing n Journey
mans work for half journeyman's pay,
concluded had turned his grndstone long
enough. So left Once only did see him
nonplussed by proposition. He had cut
headstonc for an old Irishwoman While
II was being finished she came into the yard
to look at 1t. She gazed moment and
then, cooking her head on one side. crti-
cally, said:
4" I say, misther I wouldn't begrudRe
We nifty cents extra, II ye'd cut couple OF
little angels on top of that
Little angels were worth about $25
apiece. and the proposition fairly stnggered
the headstone man. Yes, there are tricks
in the headstonc business"
And the philosopher turned again to his
morning paper.