The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1899-01-24
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
Kansas paper, referring to fatal
accident which befel prominent citl-
zen. saws he 'tmet death at the hands
OF horse"
"I don't believe in being afable to
interiors;" SO ou don't? Just think
how lonely you would be if everybody
felt that way"
"8obbv, won't You give penny to
help build Lafayette a monument
"No'm, not unless we git his birth
day fer hollerday."
Miss Totling-Miss Sincoe was born
with a silver spoon in her mouth.
Miss Dim i1g latter glance at the
mouth) Tablespoon?
Priscilla-What are young VIM
throD and his wife quarrellins about
so bitterly? Priscilla oh, about
which of them loves the other most.
At Sunday school little girl was
asked, "Wny should y~u not hide
your light under bushel?" line re-
ply came pat, 'tFor fear OF setting
fire to it..
Crawford-How is it that those de-
falcations are always by trusted
clerks? Crabshaw-Because the ones
thai are not trusted never get CHANGE
at the money.
Kaiser Wilhelm watching q sword
swallower) -Faugh! I couldn't 40
that Court Flunkey-Ach! Yes.
Your Majesty already has done every
thing except that.
Mistress (angrily)-See, Bridget l
can write my name in the dust on tnis
mantelpiece. Bridget (admiringiyl-
There's nothin' like eddicatlon, after
all, is there, mum?
Parker-One place is just as good
as another for man without money.
Tueker-Yes, and it's fortunate, too,
for 8 man without money cant stay III
| the same place long.
f.Why, frankie, said his mother:
"vhat are you reading in that book
| about bringing up children?" I'm
lust looking to see whether I'm beng
| properly brought up"
81 know Miss Longsince isn't real
" handsome any more, but she has
| dear little mouth" 'She has, IN
| deed. 1 happen to know that her
last dental bill was SS7. So"
Mrs. Newlywed with evident sur
prise) Aren't you the very man !
gave some cake to two days ago!
tIodding Pete lin explanatory -
Yes'm. Y'see, I didn't eat it.
Maud-My mamma says she can re-
member when your mamma Kept q
grocery store. Marie-My mamma
saws she can remember how much
your mamma owes for her groceries.
Professor-Too bad! One of my
pupils. to whom I have given two
c,nrses of instruction in the cultlva-
ZION of the memory, has forgotten to
] pay me, and the worst OF 1t IS can I
remember his name.
"Aud, remember, Bridget, there
, are two things I must INSIST upon;
truthfulness and obedience. fes,
mum; aad when you tell me to tell
the ladies' you're out, when you're IN
which shall it be, num-"
Mrs. Upjohn-Our minister is a
highly learned man. I believe he
knows every word in the dictionary.
..rs. DowIleigh - That's nothing.
Our preacher uses lots of words that
amt III The dictionary at all.
"It's conundrum to me how man
can keep his seat in 8 street car when
there's a lady standing" "Well, if he
! is really polite, it must be hard con-
undrum to Linn, too "Why so?'
Because he gives it up"
Brides Father Ito his prospective
son-in-law, a young lawyer)-I'm not
going to give my daughter cash
dowrv, but I have some doubtful
c!.ims for $4,000 that I will make
over to you, and you can sue on
them.
Little William was standing at the
window watching the approaching
storm. Great black clouds overspread
tie sky, when suddenly bright flash
of lightning parted them for an in
stant. "Oh, mamma" he said, 81
saw that funder wink.