The true northerner., 1899-05-31
UNAPPRECIATEl REFORMER
He WAS TAKING A GREAT DEAL
ON HIMSELF.
The Man With the Side Whiskers Did
Not Take Kindly To the Re-
marks Concerning
Them.

marks Concerning
Them.
The passenger who was holding to
the strap in the crowded street car
had been regarding with interest for
several minutes a man seated near the
heater.
you'll excuse me, my friend" he
said, bending down and speaking in a
tone of voice calculated to win the
others confidence, "if venture TO sug-
gest that side-whiskers are not becom-
ing TO your peculiar cast of counte-
nance and style of manly beauty"
'Who are you?" demanded the seat
cd passenger with an indignant en-
phasis on the "you."
Nobody worth mentioning. Still.
/"
"Then you will have the goodness to
attend TO your own businessT"
Certainly. That's what I'm doing.
| take the ground that man gets
himself up principally for other peo-
pies inspection. If everybody else was
blind nobody would take the trouble
Of wearing his hair or his beard in any
particular style. 1t wouldn't be worth
his"
Who's asking you for your opinion,
sir? 1t strikes me you're taking
good deal on yourself"
II know | am. But somebody ought
TO do ii. / am part of the great pub
lie. When | see a thing that's got up
for my inspection | have an inherent
and inalienable right TO say whether it
pleases me or not. Still. don't put it
on that ground. In calling your atten-
ton to the fact that your style of wear
ing your whiskers is not becoming to
you | claim that / am doing you a
favor"
20, you do. You meddlesome. long
nosed. prying. impudent. insulting pud-
ding-head, do you know what | have
great mind to do with you?'
'Yes. ! presume you have an impulse
TO throw me off the car. I'm used to
that sort of thing. | am always get
ting into trouble because | take il up
on myself now and then to point out
TO some man the fact that he isn't
making the best use OF his opportuni-
ties to get himself up in good style. |
narrowly escaped fight with q fellow
once for simply asking him if his at
tention had ever been called TO the cir
cumstance that he looked like John L.
Sullivan. Another time | was threat
81
liberty of telling a man how his mus
tache stood straight out like the bris-
ties of a paintbrush and marred his
profile view. There are persons who
don't like to be told that they dye their
beard, but they ought to know they
can't hide IT. Nature never makes any
mistake in coloring the beard. When
1t ought to be red. to be i'm harmony
with the face, nature makes il red.
When the hair or beard turns gray II
makes ii look thousand times worse
to color it. | suppose if / should tell
the policeman at the public library
that he'd appear a hundred per cent
better if he wouldn't dye his mustache
he'd put me out OF the building or ar
rest me for lese majesty. SO ii goes.
You'd be surprised, / dare say, if you
would look 1t up, TO find how few peo-
pie with gorgeous side-whiskers like
yours ever become great men. 1t takes
so much Of their time to cultivate and
admire them that they haven't any left
for improving their minds. They alb
sorb ones vital energy. And when. as
in your case"
"If you don't shut that darned fool
mouth of yours I'll-'
I've nearly finished. I get off about
two blocks further on. | was going
10 say that when, as in your case,
such long appendages are not only an
inconvenience and a steady strain on
the vital forces but a positive detri-
ment to the appearance"
Take that. you blamed idiotr
The eXasperated man made a lunge
at him with his fist as he spoke.
The self-sacrlficing philanthropist
lodged it with a celebrity acquired, Der
haps, by much previous practice, and
went on imperturbably:
IL WOULD seem 10 be the part of
wisdom, in such a case. say. to give
up the struggle and content ones self
with a less intricate plan of facial up
holstery That's all. You haven't been
as attentive as some men I've talked
to, but think you'll remember my re-
marks. Good evening"
He easily lodged another swinging
blow, nodded to the conductor, and got
off the car with his head erect and a
smile of cheerful resignation on his
face which was beautiful to see.