davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morris tribune., 1899-12-30
INTENSELY AMUSING.
It was Fun For the Boy But Not Partic-
ularly Funny to the Man.


The depot master in certain city
not far from Detroit, is the proprietor
Of a palate that is only about half size
and in the manipulation of which he
falls down at times, with the result
that his words are spoken with lisDs
and stunbles that make them hardly
Ineligible.
A few days ago q stout German wo-
man leading a little boy by the hand,
approached the official and asked:
what dime does der train go Ply Kala-
mazoo oudt"
The depot master looked down at
her, twisted his face and replied, HAT
hree o'hock. He an hithown hare han
Hill hall you when hits hready."
The woman took a seat over in the
far corner of the depot After period
Of ten minutes she again approached
the official and asked her former ques-
ton. HAT hree o'hOck, Hi hOr hOu,"
he exclaimed. "Ho ham hit down hare
han Hill hall you when hits hready."
Again did the woman seek a seat.
And after another fifteen minutes
had passed she approached the caller
of trains a third time and again asked
that question. "Vhat dime does der
train 60 py Kalamazoo oudt?"
The depot master waxed wroth, and
in the excitement of his anger, he lost
all control of that vocal organ of his.
He cried HAT hree o'hock, hire o'hock.
hree o'hock! Hi toll you at hree o'hock
a hozen hines. Hree e'hock, can't you
underhand? One! Hoo! Hree! liant
you underhand?"
And, increasing the pressure of her
hand on that of the child, the old lady
replied calmly: ''Vhy, off course,
understands, put little Yawcob likes
to hear you say it."-Dstrolt Free
Press.
Morris tribune., 1899-12-30
Bicycle for the rombstone.

A young Rio widow was introduced
to her late husband while out wheel
ing, and therefore when death put an
end to her marriage she thought it
suitable to introduce the cycle in her
husbands memorial. She accordingly
desired the sculptor to depict her first
meeting with her husband, bicycles
and all, and herself In "rational" dress
lin alto relieve on the marble grave
stone. The effect Is said not to be
artistic. -Undertak Review.
Morris tribune., 1899-12-30

on the street since rne dog mas DeeD
leading him. He never got the wrong
signal from the dog. He goes through
the city without the slightest fear Of
any accident that is within the power
Of the dog to prevent Pittsburg
News.
Morris tribune., 1899-12-30
Chilly HumOr.

"Look out! I'm after you," shouted
the seal hunter.
II don't give wrap" replied the
humorous seal, disappearing under the
waves at that moment.-Catholic STAN
dard and Times.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
Do You Dream?

The fullest examination into the ma
ture and origin of dreams has been
made by M. Moreau. the French scien-
fist. He divides dreams into the dreams
of health and the dreams that are the
result of a diseased state of mind or
body.
With regard to the latter it need only
be remarked that persistent dreaming is
one of the most invariable symptoms Of
insanity. and as it is a psychological
fact that genius is neal allied to mad
ness men of genius must be expected to
dream more than ordinary men.
With regard to the dreams of health,
they are the result Of an imperfect state
of consciousness or an imperfect state
of sleep. according as we look at it. It
is obvious that the mind of the clever
man, that is constantly occupied with
many schemes and thoughts, is more
liable to be awake when his body is
asleep than that of the dullard, whose
mind is often asleep when his body is
awake.
Thus the sleep of the plowboy has
become proverbial on account of it's un-
disturbed nature. In most cases a man
of lively Imagination and quick brains
is undoubtedly more liable to dream
than the dullard.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
When Love Was Bunkered.

"Ah," she said. stroking his soft
curls and looking regretfully into his
upturned face-he was kneeling beside
her-''you will not think me cruel, will
you? You will be brave and try to for
get me, won't you? You do not know
how sorry I am to be compelled to say
mo- to you. Under other circumstances
we might have been happy together,
but as it is I must be frank with you.
There is no hope"
His whole frame was shaken by a
great sob.
Then he looked appealingly into her
fawnlike eyes and asked:
"Why is it. Virginia, that you are SO
SUI we cannot be happy together?
Why may I not hooper,
"There is an impossible barrier be-
tween u.s." she replied. "You are the
champion golf player of this state, and
my mother is president Of the Society
For the Suppression of Dialect; SO there
you are"
Realizing that his dream of bliss was
at an end. he went away humming
softly:
Alas, that love should foozle thus,
She put it pat to me,
And we may never. never suit
Each other to q teel
Chicago News.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
The Caroline Islanders.

AS a rule the Caroline islander ia
fairly honest. Once lay his suspicious
to rest and win his confidence, and he
will prove himself a faithful friend and
an excellent host. courteous and just in
all his dealings, as / have very good
cause to know. On the other hand,
when dealing with his enemies, he calls
into play a talent for intrigue, lying
and chicanery that would delight Il
Machiavelli.
In his private life he is unselfish.
frugal and economical, a man of care
full, small habits. Like all folk of Mel
anesian admixture. he is liable to fits
of dangerous sullenness when he con-
siders himself sighted in any way. He
is inclined to be revengeful and will
bide his time patiently until his oppor.
tunity comes. Yet he is not implacable
and counts reconciliation a noble and
princely thing. There is a form of Ell
quette to be observed on these occasions
"a present (katom) is made. an apology
offered. a piece Of sugar cane accepted
by the aggrieved party, honor is salts
fed. and the matter ends.
The P%onapean is a stout warrior. Il
hardy and sklllful navigator. fisEcrA!ai.
carpenter and b%oatbuilder. solnev hat OF
an astronomer and herbuiist. nTi :, very
second class planter and Sui,."u1T.-
Geographical Review,
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
They Were Not Relatives.

The author of ''Twenty-five Years in
British Guiana says that he was once
camping ont with companions there.
and that some of them had not his ac-
quaintance with the woods: A..
At last we turned into our hammocks,
and l was dropping off to sleep, when l
was reused by the most Internal bark
ing and roaring. Attracted by our fire
and singing, . troop OF bowling ba-
boons had come over the trees and We're
making night hideous by their yells.
Shields, who was not acquainted with
the brutes, shook my hammock violent
ly and whispered:
"What on earth is that2 2"
Not very we'll knowing what I was
saying, I replied, "Tigers."
"Are they very near?"
every said I, and, taking advan-
tage of a lull in the chorus. I dropped
asleep.
Poor Shields lay awake half the night.
expecting to be devoured by wild beasts.
He was sleepy and cross in the morn
ing, and Bridges asked him if he had
heard the balloons.
"Oh, those were baboons, were they ?
What an awful noise they makei But
what were they saying?"
~ don't know" said Bridges un-
alphabetically. II don't belong to the
same Species
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
Part Of Il Murder Story.

The rising sur had scarcely kissed
the NOW capped hills that surround u
peaceful city last Saturday morning
when an awful tragedy occurred on n
Of the most public thoroughfares. The
whiplike crack of a rifle sounded on the
clear morning air, and a leaden messen-
ger of death crashed through the brain
of a human being, summoning his soul
to the judgment bar of God without a
moment warning and with all his sins
full blown and ''ripened on the tree
The fatal bullet had been sent upon its
deadly mission by a hand that a few
hours before clasped his victims hand
in friendship. One now lies in the cold
embrace of death and occupies a mound
in the silent city on the hill; the other
languishes in the county Jail, alone
with his conscience and his deed as he
awaits the outcome Of the trial for muir.
der that must surely follow.-Lonacon-
ing (Md.) Star.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
william n1ack,. Di.turbed Din.

There fingers in Oban a legend to the
effect that n hot day William Black,
the. novelist, went to a quiet place out
Of sight to swim. He undressed in a re-
mote part of the rocks. When he was
in the water, a woman, deeply miners
ed in a blue volume, which was s'The
Princess of Thule" came and sat un-
Willingly neal his clothes. The swim
mer. tired with his exercise, was anx-
ious to return to his garments, but the
lady on shore was far too engrossed
with the fortunes of Princess Sheila to
heed the coughing inti1nations of his
presence. Presently matters came to a
crisis. A sportsman passed along the
rocks and discerned Mr.. Blacks dark
head bobbing above the waves. He took
it for a seal and was taking a deadly
aim when Nh. Black jumped up in the
water and implored' "Dcn't fire. I'm
a human man.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
Cheap Tickets to California.

The lowest rates Of the year are those
which the Burlington Route will make
late in June and early in July for the
annual meeting Of the National Educa-
tional association at Los Angeles.
Liberal return limits and stop-over
privileges.
The coolest route to the coast is
through Denver and Salt Lake City.
Go that way and for a day and night
you ride through the Wonderland of
the World-past canyons, mountains,
rivers, waterfalls and landscapes gay
with flowers.
Information and California literature
on request. J. Francis, General Pas
senger Agent, Omaha, Neb. 8-3
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
The New Land of Gold.

Yes, Idaho's turn has come at last.
For years she has lain dormant. wait
ing, waiting. The turn has been
called, "the clock has struck and the
change has come.
The extension of the Northern Pa
cific's Spokane Palouse branch to Lew
iston, and the further extensions, the
present season, from Lewiston up
Lapwai creek and up the Clearwater
river into the heart of the Nez Perez
reservation are working wonders. And
along with this era Of railway expan-
Sion, comes the wonderful discovery of
gold in the Buffalo Hump country.
Here, where forty years ago the placer
mines yielded 500, 900, 900, SO three
authorities tell US, now are discovered
the most ~stupendous quartz lodges ever
known. Between Florence and Elk
City, Grangeville and the Salmon river
the probabilities are that Klondike will
he outdone.
Then too the farmer and ranchman
has his chance. Between Lewiston
and the Hump lies a fruit and grain
region famous around Idaho. The Gold
Springs and Camas prairie lands can't
be beat. AS a fruit and grain country
this region beats California and now
that new mining camps furnish good
and nearby markets and transportation
facilities are so much improved the far
mer will find these acres to be as rich
mines Of gold to him as the quartz
Lodges are to the miner. So everybody
has a chance here to make a good turn.
Send two cents TO Chas. S.. Fee, st. Paul,
MINI, or to any general or district pas
senger agent of the Northern Pacific
railway for the new Buffalo Hump
folder. 1t describes all this region.
1t has a large and up-to-date map in
colors.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
The Queen Kept the Letter.

The late Mrs. Kelley used to tell the
following story about the visit she paid
to the queen at Buckingham palace on
the occasion of the jubilee in 1887. Be-
ing incredulous of the genuineness Of
the invitation, she was disposed to
treat the royal command as a joke and
wrote a rather sarcastic letter to the
official, a personal friend, who had ad-
dressed it to her. This he gave to the
queen, and the veteran actress was a
little disconnected when her majesty
told her she had read the letter. Mrs.
Kelley begged that it should be restored
to her. "No. no. Mrs. Kelley" answer
ed the queen, cit is safely pasted in my
autograph book. You'll never get it
again"
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
Short Sighted.

McLubberty - Ovid Uncle Moike
Duffy is out ov his moind intoirely!
Mrs. McLubberty-Phot makes yez
say thot2
MISUNDERSTANDING, he's been Attn
er maxim his will an l'avin iveryt'ing
he's OCT in dhe worruld to his heirs.
not kapin back for himsilf as much as a
quarters wort av anything. Think av
ut, Iavin himsilf pinniless at his age.
in case he should doiel-Harper's Bazaar.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
She Married the Hat.

!. A European government servant was
recently married to a native woman in
Samarang by the Mohammedan cere-
mony. It took place in the mesjid. and
it was conducted by the p%enghulu. but
the bridegroom was not present. He
had given written notice that he would
not put in an appearance, but he sent
his hat. and that was, according to ma
tive custom, quite sufficient. She mar
ried the hat.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
He Did.

"Whatever station in life You may
be called to occupy. my boy. said the
father. in sending his son out into the
great world, ''always do your best"
II will" replied the young man.
with emotion.
He never forgot his promise. Years
afterward. when a prosperous man Of
business. he did his best friend cut of a
large sum of money.
In spite Ct everything it turns out
that way once in awhile. - Chicago
Tribune
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
His Position.

"Now, how do you stand on this
question p asked the man who had in
dulged in a long dissertation.
Exactly as I stood years ago, when
it first came up" answered Senator
Sorghum Its been SO long that I for
get just exactly how I stood, but l
haven't changed my mind a bit. sir:
not a bit. Washington Star.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
What Is Shiloh?

A grand old remedy for Cough, Colds
and Consumption; used through the
world for half a century, has cured in
Vulnerable cases of incipient consump-
ton and relieved many in advanced
stages. If you are not satisfied with the
results we will refund your money.
Price 25 cts, so cts. and s1.OO. Sold by
Chapple Drug Co.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02

Some of the col lines used in the fish,
ing industry measure 1000 fathoms
long, or about eight ordinary miles.
having l.. $50 hooks. the whole costing,
in some cases, G2OO or $500.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
Dangers In Mercury.

Mercury is a foe to life. Those who
make mirrors. barometers or thermom-
eters. etc. soon feel the effect of the
nitrate Of mercury III teeth. gums and
the tissues of the body.
The Billings gazette. [volume] (Billings, Mont.) 1896-1919, 1899-06-02
DO YOU
KNOW
The Gazette
Job Department
ILLINGS

Turns out a better class of
work than any other printing
establishment in the Yellow
stone valley.
We are prepared to do any
class of printing on short
notice..
We employ only frst-class
workmen, and consequently
can guarantee
Tombstone prospector., 1899-11-10
Thas Thr.sbi,g nesaaeAe

Would quickly leave you, # you used Dr. KIng'. New Life Pills. Thou ssnds of sufferers have proved their mstch:ess merit for Sick and Nervous Headaches, They make pure blood and strong nerves and build up your health. Esey to take. Try them. Only 9 cents. Money back it net cured. Sold by the Tonbstone Drug store,
Tombstone prospector., 1899-11-10
WOODMEN CIRCLE

@uEFN GROVE, wooDMEN CIRCLE
 Meets first and Third Thursdays oi
 each month. Mps. l. FiTcH. w. BERTHA WrTTIG. C. Visiting members are cordially invited.
Tombstone prospector., 1899-11-10

COVERINGS.
 The circus fever has struck Bisbee and the big tents will be taxed to thei, capacity with our population today.
 Overlook. Huber. Krgbsum ct al have recently incorporated their gold properties below town and work will be continued with renewed energy.
 Active operations have commenced sn the Costello property. We learn nine men were started 10 work and the force increased as fast ss room can be made for them,
 The continued arrival of mining men from every section shows that mines adjacent to the Copper Queen are attracting attention. Practical development work will demonstrsts the mineral merits and worth Of Bis bse's adjacent country.
 The putting in Of new machinery t. increase the sm-it,ns capacity of Cop per Queen Go will add much t. BI.b-e At no tune since the opening of the original Copper Queen mine has the outlook been co encouraging. The company continues to employ the usual number of men and conse. quently all seems prosperous.
 NJ Medigovich has taken unto him. self an estimable wife and is travelin g around California on . honeymoon trip. Mike hssa a hos: of friends ths, anxiou:l await his return. Even the boys of ths can brigade propo;e to turn out upon the return Of the newly married couple.
 The very meritorisns reputation 0 f the Walter l. Man circus, as . genuine three Iinged and hippodronie show with sn extensive bill of attractions, has put the most of our Bisbee folks in the notion O. gong to see i', and | there is no doubt hut that . large DOT ton Of our population will occupy seats under the canvas. The circus will exhibit here on the afternoon and evening of November 10th. The winter season has Set in and buildings are scayee. Rents do moi go down because the demsnd fol dwelling houses is good. Bisbee con- tinues to grew and will also bs ths metropolis of Southern Arizons While not wishing to detract fren our sister cities and tswns, we contend that Bisbee .oKers more inducenenl for money making chan any other place within the borders of this terri tory.
Tombstone prospector., 1899-11-10
UNIFORM RANK < P

INFORM RANK, K. OF P. MEET:
 first Tuesday in month. after regula K p. meeting. wM P. LONG. Capt c. NJ PORTER. Sec
Tombstone prospector., 1899-11-10
COPPER KING OF ARIZONA

Regardless of Fluctuations in the Price of Murphys in Arizona, Copper King Stock is not affected thereby. There is a great distinc- tion between the Vegetable and Mineral Kingdoms. The Red Metal is still triumphant and will not be downed by Small Potatoes.
Tombstone prospector., 1899-11-10

Will soon start up on large re- serves of rich smelting ores, and in a short time there will be no more stock offered for sale upon the mar ket. It now behoves all those who wish to get in on the ground floor to apply at once, as a rise in price will date from the flow of tbullion.
Tombstone prospector., 1899-11-10
IOOF

1ISREE LODGE. NO. 10. MEETS EV' cry Wedresday evening. I. CoNsIA- BLs, \. z. EMIL MARKS. R. $. S's' ing brother. cordially invited 10 attend
Tombstone prospector., 1899-11-10
KNIGHTS OF PYThlAS

1ATHBoNE LODGE. NO. 10. K. OF ? TX meets every Tuesday eveniug. N. E.
 MANN, C. C. A. E. WrTTiG. K. 6 Visiting brothers cordially invited
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-06-03

well right If you were left to be frizzled
However we'll see If kindness can't tame
you a bit yet He waited till the swirl of
sea swung his boat under one of the dan
Cling davit falls, caught it and elm bed
nimbly on board Then he proceeded to
clear space by crashing his fist into every
face within reach.
Now, then" he shouted, "if there are
any sailormen here worth their salt, let
them come and help. Am TO break up the
whole of this ships company by myself?'
Gradually by ones and twos the Grosser
Carls remaining officers and deckhands
came shamefacedy toward this new nucleus
of authority and order, and then the real
work began. Like cattle the emigrants were
young cut out from the general mob These
last Were got into the swaying, dancing
boats as tenderly as might be, and the
men were hidden to wait their turn. When
they grew FESTIVE, as the searching fire
drew more near. they We're beaten savagely.
risky journey after another being drawn
up to their own ship by chatterng winch,
ana then laborirg back under oars for an
other. The light of the burning steamer
turned a great sphere of night into day,
and the heat from her made the sweat pour
down the faces of the men, though the
gale still roared. and the icy spindrift still
whipped and Stung. On the F'lamingo Cap
tain Kettle cast into the sea with a free
hand what represented the savings of a
lifetime, provision for his wife and chill
dren, and an old-age pension for himself.
The Grosser Carl had carried thirty first
class passengers. and these he crammed
into the Flamingos slender Cabin, filling 1t
to OVERCOMING. The NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.,
Bohemians, wild Poles, filthy, crawling
Russian Jews. bestial Armenians, human
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-06-03
Women Ran Everything.

From the Chicago Times Herald.
Sioux City street railways, the soda water
industry, most of the restaurants and the
opera house were run by the society won n
today in the interest of Morningside Metho-
dist Episcopal College.
The institution has long been in need Of
rev buildings and increased accommoda-
ticns, but President Lewis refused to plunge
1t in debt even for this purpose. After the
business men thought they had exhausted
every means in their power of soliciting
funds the women took the matter up. A
week has been devoted to the task of secur-
ing subscriptions and for the day the street
car lines and opera house and soda water
and restaurant men placed their plants at
the womens disposal
Everything over actual operating ex-
penses went to the women. The latter were
not too particular in making change, and
several thousand dollars were realized. In
all about $4,000 will be turned over to the
colleke by men and women. The workers
represented all denominations, as the coll
lege is regarded as benefit to the city, and
the various churches are equally interested
in its success.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-06-03
UNOFFICIAL QUALIFICATIONS.
some Things to be Considered Refore
Fighting in the Philippines.

FROM the Kansas City Star.
A series of qualifications for service in
the Philippines which are not required in
the questions asked by the regular array
recruiting officer were suggested in a let
ter received from a member of Com,,auy
b of the 10th Kansas Volunteers The let
ter was received by the writer brother,
who is man of considerable diameter,
and part of it referred % a proposition
he and a friend, also of large gillE, had
made, to go over and enter the service
when the troops got down to actual fight
ing.
1t began; Are you ready to come over?
! would like to see you and Buff 'hot-.oot-
ing it to the rear. l will ask YOU s0:.e
questions, and when you send in your an
sWers I'll see if you are qualified
How many steps can you make 1000
yards in?"
The Filipinos can do it in about 100"
Can you get out of sight behind a pie
of dirt a foot high?"
Il cam
Can you sit in the shade and sweat
enough for a bath?"
I'VE do that over here
Can you lie awake four nights straight
listening to the bullets and then fight In
the daytime?"
That's common
Can you wade in mud up to your waist
with the bullets splashing it on you and
not get stuck?'
"Our sergeant couldn't. and we nearly
pulled him in two getting him OUT
Can you lie in the sun till You blister
your back and then rest yourself by turn
ing over and blistering the other side?"
The Goth Kansas can
Can you live on bareback and three cups
of coffee a day?'
We've done 1t already"
can you sleep in the mud and nearly
freeze from the dew without catching
cold?"
It's easy if you can take quinine without
water
Can you drink from we'll after seeing
three dead Filipinos ffshed out?'
TT isn't bad