Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1899-12-06

As the very primal point from which 10
look forward. we want the living to re
member the dead lovingly. Every act
conventional usage, against the will and
wish Of the living, tends to lessen the
warmth Of that affection which we would
Far. indeed. would I be from seeming to
disregard a reasonable yielding to what
traditionally Is deemed the fitting man
respect. What We feel clearly does NOT
suffice; one Of the rights of the dead s
decorous observance of common usage
concerning them, But side by side witt
Ing to healthful use of their faculties
and of cordial contact with their fellows
without which no mind Is entirely sane.
1t would. surely seem both rational and
sensible to revert TO the Judgment OF
those we would honor by our mourning
Take family left fatherless; wpuld u
endeavor to honor the lost head by car
rying out his views? Yet in how many
households out Of which has gone =
genial. sympathetic, cheerful father fol
lows a reign Of darkness? In the hons
of man whose nature had been marked
by love Of social Inerrment, whose cor
dial interest had endeared him to nj.
kindred and neighbors: and who fell
hospitality TO be positive duty, we ar,
sometimes shocked 10 find once oper
door closed to all except the few neares,
| TtIdtlNts anu Nciuhto' ca.
silence. which it would have been impos
sible for him to endure, filling the rooms
he had loved.
| His children, perhaps by heredity a,
largely dependent on the human touch II
all their enjoyments as he had been, list
less and uneasy, strive to read or other
wise get rid Of long evenings and the
leisure hours of their TEDIOUS days. Sure
ly his memory Is not honored, nor HI
| loss from their lives made to be more
tenderly felt, by thus making them un
I.l.. Ia N
| Without frivolity or the sharing of gay
and formal entertainments, the craving
of these young people for comradeshii
and companionship could readily be sat
listed. and the welcome, once established
be- made permanent for his sake.
| There can be no more beautiful and VI
tai way of honoring the dead than by
making others happier for their deal
| sakes. and the seltishuess which yields
to the demand of personal loneliness ana
grief, by losing interest In everythinf
out side it's own narrow limits. can Meth
| er make 4 memory strong and faithful IL
the world whence the man has departe1
nor kindle new desire that he were once
again alive.
| If We would insure that a name w
honor shall not cease 70 be spoken. We
must ourselves maintain for IL a living
interest and warmth. The friends mar
has loved and whose friendship gave hall
the sunshine to his lfe have. their JUS
claim To be continually received for MS
sake with a warm hand and true no.
| be made pleasant TO his children. Deatl
is indeed victorious when II not only
takes out of our homes beloved per
sonality, but at the same time kills al
that he animated by his spirit.
| Ii Is largely custom, when an abiding
grief has come TO sit at iireside to lie,
the year. The whole radius of larg,
family circle are year after year almost
ashamed to enjoy either Thanksgiving
day or Christmas. lest they seem TO nt
thoughtless OF one missing and ever deal
presence | do not underrate the eRort y
may cost. but surely any brave womai
Is equal TO the effort OF restraining th'
weakness OF her own heart. and calling
her children and her grandchildren |,
gather about the table. after their OLE
custom, and seeing to IL that they speah
lovingly of old days and OF MN Wht
EspecialIy do | believe it is a Whole
some custom to make the birthdays oi
the dead, as in their lives, days OF honoi
and quiet cheerfulress, In when th'
young should keep up the rememorantt
of those whom they have lost, as amons
the sources OF their happiness and pride
have been in the household of a man
who was in all ways to be treasured as
an inspiration to his descendants, whcr.
his wife shut herself in her darkened
room in observance of the day or ms
birth. and his children went softly about
speaking in whispers. with all the our
ward appearance of being under some
cloud of shame.
| There can be no danger that a sorrow
that is real for the death of one who l.
worthy VIII ever he mistaken or doubted
There is too wide space between diShi
fed, unselfsh cneerfulness and frivolous
gayety for them even to appear TO be
synonymous: there is a too obvious i'm
print of deep-se aled suffering in true sor-
| row for ii TO be doubted by the nghtest
minded observer.
The young lives of family have an
indisputable right to seek such free
and natural atmosphere in their homes
as will give them vital air to breathe,
and they will do no true reverence to 4
memory which Is kept alive by !rritat
ing and unnatural constraint. NO motn
er has an excuse for withdrawlns nerssii
| to their heathful relaxation or rationai
amusement.
Friends. too. have claims not to be is
nored. urief must have time 10 take lts
long breath of sustaining oxygen in ITS
| own lonely place apart before II can
come down into the worlds paths again:
| but ii becomes simply exaggerated
| form of seltishness when it wounds and
sets aside thoss who have made prishte ,3,
| what in them lies to cheer those OF pres
ent gloom.
They bear bereavement best and learn
most efficaciously the ennobling lessons
of endurance who find grief stimulus to
a larger human interest and new Ill
| centive to make those about them happE (:
| Darkened windows and closed doors ana
| yelled faces neither give sweet SAVIOR TO
the name of the dead nor help the living.
| The lives we live are the best memorials.
No one has a right to live out of tn
| world around him. There are times and
| places when and where those who mourn
| are wholly out of their proper position;
| but within this wider circle there is a
| field for the helpful activity and partici
patton of the saddest hearts, without an
| instant's disregard of the never-absent
| sorrow which sits enthroned within them.
1 Human existence is SO overcrowded with
| opportunities to reach out hand OF ten
der sympathy give a grasp of cordial
| congratulaton that isolation has TO be
| gained by determined effort to cast Off
| the claims Of the living and to encase
| ourselves in an armor of destroying sci
| fshnesS.
| To be absolutely sincere and true with
| ourselves is yet more difficult than with
| our children and friends. Doubtless if We
| could attain that clear plain, We should
find an astonishing sense of freedom and
| satisfaction in things, which are by most
| of us set aside at times such as those We
are now thinking of. IT, taking 1t for
granted that after certain sorrows lie
| mad found another meaning" We could
| unaffectedly and simply walk on in Sc
| rene consistency, neither artitically
grave nor gay. but taking all the sun
shine into our lives that we could absorb.
| there seems little doubt that We could
dispense great deal of happiness, since
| it would be demOnstrable that our selfish
grasp was loOsened and that we were
lifted to higher plane by a certain sa'
credness born of our grief.
Wa ,f oh ha M