St. Landry clarion. (Opelousas, La.) 1890-1921, 1899-12-30
Mr.. Rooterby 5 Resolution
Mr. Rooterhv was a lack

MIR. Rooterby was jack.
That was what everybody said, and,
of course. what.every body says is true,
Whether it is or not
Nor was Mr.. Rooterby Jack because
his frst name was John. and all Johns
are by the rule of diminutives Jacks,
Not at all Mr. Rooterby wasaa jack
because his ears were abnormal, and
he showed other signs of an ineradica-
BILE stupidity.
"Bein' as you air the best boarder
I've got, ever did have. or expeck to
have" remarked his landlady many
times during the years he had been
occupying her secondfoor front, Il
won't say as how you air a plumb silly,
Mr.. Rooterby. but I'd be most sure to
if you wasn't the kindsof a gent you air
in every other respeck. Indeed, |
would, Mr.. Rooterby, and the good
Lord knows amt the woman to de-
prive man of his just deserts. seein'
that my poor, dead husband was one
of the Lords chosen. | don't care if
people did say had to keep boarders
SOS we wouldn't starve to death or go
on the county"
Some Of the boarders were much
more emphatic in their remarks than
was the landlady. .
IF Rooterby." said the. prominent
politician who sat across the table from
him, wasn't such an Internal fool, he
would have married rich woman long
ago, and been member of congress
from this district He would have also
had a comfortable home instead of
plugging away in a beastly old board
ing house. If had his chances for
ABOUT seven minutes you bet I'd, cor
ner the convention and get the nomi-
nation or break bank in the at
tempt"
So it would appear that Mr.. Rooter-
by was a jack, or silly. or fool, with
the accent on the profane penultimate
all on account of his persistent cell
bacy.
Let us examine into the testimony
against Mr.. Rooterby. A man of so,
so well preserved that he didn't look
it by ten years; a man of affairs and
a comfortable competence; q man of
good habits and good family; a man
OF domestic tastes and somewhat Sc
Gientary life: man of some personal
pulchritude and of excellent educa-
ton; man considerably above the
average in all that makes d man wor-
thy Of the name, except in respec+ of
the persistent celibacy referred to
above. . g
This being fair presentation of the
testimony in the case of public opin-
ion against Rooterby. the jury will re
turn prompt verdict to the effect that
Mr.. Rooterbg is guilty with evident
malice aforethought prepense.
II VOW said Mr.. Rooterby. solemnly,
in the presence Of witnesses, that
wouldn' t tpropose marriage to any wom-
an on earth. What the dickens"--Mr.
Rooterby was vestryman and could
not be too emphatic--''do / want with
d wife, Id like to know? Here am
past 40 years of age"-Mr. Rooterby was
Just shade sensitive on the subject of
age, and still didn't want to appear
silly about it-"living. serenely and
comfortably, with nothing to disturb
me and no one to question my move
lnents or my motives. What | haveis
my own, and it is not constantly under
going n process of drainage to meet
the extravaganza of people for whom
Iwould be toa large extent RESPONSE
BILE. In fact, ! am monarch of all sur
Vey, as bachelor, and If | were mar
Eied man. there's no telling what kind
,1f "a clayo IN WON, n v, fo,
cies ! might be called on to be- There
fore, when am perfectly satisfied and
as happy as o man can be in this vale
of tears, what in thunder is the use
of trying to change the conditions p.
What stereotyped old argument it
is. truly, and yet it serves its purpose
finely, and is an armor of defense be-,
hind which more bachelors hide than
any other, perhaps, unless poverty be,
considered as one.
At Christmas Mr.. Rooterby had given
The pretty typewriter in his employ for.
two or three years a present of a hand-
some street gown, for Mr.. Rooterby
was practical. and she had needed itso
badly that when she told the cashier
about it the tears came into her eyes,
and she said she thought it such a pity
so dear and good man as Mr.. Rooter-
by did not have wife, and a. home
and children, and all those happinesses
which so with matrimony, and there
was something in the typewriter's tone
that made the cashier wcnder what Mr..
Rooterhy had been saying to hea any
how.
The cashier and the typewriter were
ahe only occupants Of the Office except