The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-10-22

WIZ XIV
"Tas bin the CRATE wake wild the
Bores and the Johnny Bulls in sout
Afriky," said Terrence last night, as
the members of the congress of ma
tions gathered about Tim SuIlivan's
round table at The Sign Of the Silver
Mug, and Terrence pocketed the
change for a silver dollar which had
been rung up in the cash register be-
fore the mustys were brought in.
"'Tis not for the loikes av me to
prophesy byes, but Dim tillin' We wan
thing, from what OF know ay the coun-
thry av the Bores, tbs goin' to be a
fierce and bloody struggle and John
Bull will wish in his sowl thot he had
stayed at home in his toit little island,
instid av knockin' the chip from off the
showlder av Dom Paul. OF know me
facts at first hand fer OF have bin all
over the place. Shure OF cud fond me
way about the country aven if there
was not a star in the sky an midnight
was as dark as a coal hole wild the lid
on.
1T may be nayther here nor there,
byes, but vance upon a tonne OF was
WRECKED on the coost av the Transvaal.
OF was a sailor before the mast in thin
days, sort av a cabin bye's appren-
tice, and OF sailed from Dingle in a
sailin vessel bound fer Sout Afriky
wild a cargo av missionries and raylijus
litraychure for the conversion an sal
walton av the haythen. Well, scr, to
make a long sthory short, we sthruck
a sunken rock in Mozambique channel,
and the divviIs own wor-ruk could not
save the ship. For ivry barrel av
wather we pumped out, 3 barrels
and 96 gallons came in, and the first
thing we knew we was swimmin' fer
dear lolfe. Mesilf and a Methodist
praycher be the name av Dennis
O'Shaughnessy, a brothers son av Dan
O'Shaughnessy, alone sucsayded in be-
ing cast high and dhry on the coost .av
the Transvaal.
Now bein' as OF was, student av
jogriffy, OF twigged at vance thot we
were in thot part av the TTansvaal
which is inhabytid by that ferocious
band av cutthroats known to infamy
as the Kaffirs. Shure enough, while
his rivrince and mesilf were pickin' the
saywade out av our eyes and ears and
wringin' the Indian ocean out av our
clothes, big squad av thin, under
command aV wan whom OF knew to be
a sergeant av cannyball waryurs, be-
kase he wore a small, red sash fer q
uniform, swooped down on us wild a
yell thot wud have done cridit to the
Connaught rangers in the Scinde cam
paign.
1--WE were taken through a dissolute
country be a circumstantial route, to
where the chafe lived. On the way OF
ler-rned thot we were to form the fat
ted calves at a banquet av the Ancient
and Honorable order av the Cannyball
artillry. The haythins talked in Ger
man. thinkin' perhaps thot OF mott
know their own langwidge, but they
cuddint fool the ould man.
''The chafe, a tall, foine lookin' bit
av man, came out av his cabin,
which was sort av tint made out av
the tanned hoides av his inimies.
" 'Kunnasthantu,' says OF, be way av
experiment. Oh saw thot he tur-rned
pale an a lott Crane ALTERNATELY.
" 'Thoggamah,' says he. to me, says
he, comm up and extindin' his fhist,
Are you a whey-belly or a far-down?'
" ON nayther, says OF; ON a Kir-
ryman, says OF.
ovid thot he threw a dinner pail
which he wore fer a plug hat, high in
the air, an began to talk Gaelic in
way thot would make the Gaelic class
av Worcester grit its tayth in hwy.
"Forgittin' where OF was for a tonne,
OF was about to rush off to the polace
station an till Chafe Drinnan, me ould
comrade in ar-rums, thot there was a
subject for the booghouse in the
Thransvaal, but the chafe restrained
me an conducted me to his cabbin
We forgot his rivrince oi'm sorra to
say, and lift him wild the other hay
thins.
1ttNs,y,, MT a ,a,yoy,1,. 60 We +I,a ohofo
to me, whn we were sittin' cross
legged at a small, little bit av a table,
and dhrinkin' from bottle av GUM
ness stout thot had bin washed ashore.
'Oim an Oirishman named Tom CAT
ferty' says he. and loike yersilf, OF
was washed ashore on these dissolute
acres says he. Dim all tanned up
says he, alphabetically loike, but the
corpuscles av the shamrock still coorse
through me veins. OF was saved from
death be a miracle an was made chafe
av the gang says he. 'Oi at first chris
tened me throibe the Caffertys, says
he, but OF see be the jogriffys thot this
has lately bin shortened to Kaffirs
Well, says he, so goes the wor-ruld,
says he.
Why says OF, softening to him be-
kase av the TOTES av blood. Why, says
OF, are yer paple here cannyballs?'
'Bekase says Cafferty, the mis-
sionries give thin a bundle av tracts
instid av HON sondwich.' "Tis the
barren country says he, an there's
tracts enough av barren sile,' says he, |
'widdout givin' thin tracts av raylig-
ion says he.
"'Oi twig yer manin says oil In
other wor-rds,' says OF, Dim on
well, sor, to make long sthory
short, whin we got back to where the
black haythins were, there was nay
Their hoide nor hair av his riverince, |
the missionry.
f" Where's Dinnis? says OF.
'Sercha-ussa,' they reploid, slappid' |
their stomachs glad-loike.
"Oi thought at first thot this oxpris-
sion probly mint, where's the SHOWS
av last year? but Cafferty tould me
thot it mint, In process av
doigistion.' Thin it dawned on me |
thot me poor Methydist frind had made |
a juicy roast fer a cannyball taste, an |
this suspicion was confirmed whin OF |
sphotted the sub-chief ranger av the |
gang under a three pickin the remains
av the corpse from his tayth wild poor |
O'Shaughnessy' wishbone. Ye cud- |
dint have given his rivrince a dacint |
Christian burial onless We converted |
livery mothers son av thin, killed thin
all and buried thin in one grave.
ME chumminess wild the chafe saved |
me own bacon, an OF doined sump-
chously wild Cafferty on a porterhouse
steak cut from the Underline part avI
a hippypotamus.
"Cafferty was sick av his job as
chafe, an we both found opportunity
to escape later along" concluded Ter