The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-02-14
MIR. DOOLEY on AGUINALDO

IL s OOOAL YIN AU C1N n AOV
[From the Chicago JournaL1
''Wen, sir,'' said Mr.. Dooley. sit looks
now as if they was nothing left FIR me
young frind Aggynaldoo to do but time.
Like as not a year firm now he'll be in
Jail, like Napoleon, tn impror iv tn
Fr-rinch was in MS day,a n, Mike, tn
Burglar, an other pathrites- That's
what comes iv bein' a pathr1te too long.
IT'S a good job whin they'se nawthin'
else to do, but it's not tn thing to Wur-
ruk overtime at. IT'S a sort iV Out-lV-
dure sport that we shud engage in
durin' tn summer vacation, but whin a
man carries it on durin' business hours
people begin to get down on him, an
afther awhile they're ready to hang
him to get him out iv tn way. AS
Hogan says, TIL las thing that hap
pens to a pathrite he's a scoundhreL'
Las summer there wasn't warmer
pathrite anywhere in our imperyal do
minions thin this same Aggynaldoo. I
was with him mesilf. Says 1: 'They'se
a good coon,' 1 says: He'll help US FIR
to make tn Philippians indipindant on
US FIR support says, they put up in
tarnal riVinue offices an postofficeS,
says, we'll give him good job as let
ter carrier says, where he won't have
anything to do 1 says, but walk
says.
can so TIL consul at Ding Dong, tn
man that r-run that ind iv tn war, he
says to Aggynaldoo, Co. he says.
where glory waits ye,' he says. Go
an sthrike a blow he says. FIR ye're
country he says. Co. he says, TIL
nawthin' in stayin' an We might gethold
iv a tyrannical watch or pocketbook
down beyant,' he says. An off wint tn
brave pathrite to do his jooty. He done
it, too. Whin Cousin George was pastin'
tn former hated CASTLES who was it
stood on tn shore shootin' his bow-an'-
arrow into tn sky, but Aggynaldoo?
Whin me frind Gin'ral Merritt was
ladin' a gallant charge again blank
cartridges who was it ranged his noble
ARMY in pathrites behind him FIR to
see that no wan attacked him firm TIN
sea but AggynaldOo? He was a good
man thin-a good noisy man.
''Th' thrubble was he didn't know
whin to knock off. He didn't hear tn
Wurruk bell calm him to come in firm
pIayin ball an get down to business.
Says me Cousin George: 'Aggynaldoo
me buck he says, TIL war is over he
says, AN we've settled down to tn oil
game he says. They're no more heroes.
All is thin has gone to wurruk FIR tn
magazines. They're no more pathrites,'
he says. They've got Jobs as gov'nors
or ar-re lookin' FIR thin or anything
else. he says. All tn prom mint saviors
iv their country he says, but mesilf,
he says, lis busy preparin' their definse,'
he says. I have no definse,' he says.
but I'm where they can't reach me-
he says. TIL sport is all out iv tn
job an if We don't come in an jine tn
tilin' masses iV wage wurrukers,' he
says, yS won even nave cfGOlC ~
bein' licked in a gloryous victhry,' he
says. SO to tn wood pile with ye.' he
says, fr We can't go on cillybratin' tn
Foorth iv July without bein' took up FIR
disOrdhly conduct he says.
''An' Aggynaldoo doesn't understand
it. An he gathers his Archery club ar
round him an says he: Fellow
pathrites,' he says, we've been betrayed,
he says. We've been sold out without
he says, 'gettin' tn usual commission
he says. We're still heroes he says,
an our pitchers is in tn pa-apers, he
says. Go in,' he says, an sthrike a
blow at tn gay deceiVerS,' he says. I'll
sell ye're lives DEAR he says. An tn
Archery club wint in. TIL pathrites whit
up again band iv Kansas sojers, that
was wanst heroes befure they larned
tn MISUNDERSTANDING an is now
arnin' tn wages iv a good harvest hand
all tn year ar-round an d rather fight
what happened. Some iv tn poor diVvles
iv heroes is liberated firm tn cares iv
life, an tn r-rest iv thin is up in threes
an wishin' they was home Smokin' a
good seegar with mother.
AN all this becaus Aggynaldoo
didn't hear TIL whistle blow. He thought
tn boom was still on in tn hero bust
ness. If he'd come in ye'd be hearin'
that James Hatch Aggynaldoo'd been
appinted foorth-class postmaster at
HoOtchy-Kootchy, but now tn mex We
know iv him II be on tn bIotter at tn
polls station: James Hatch Aggynal-
doc, alias Pompydoor Jim, charged with
carryin' concealed weepins an ray
sistin' an officer Pathritism always
dies whin We establish polls foorce"
We'll" said Mr.. Hennessy, I'm kind
iv sorry FIR TIL la-ads with tn bows-an'- |
arrows. Maybe they think they're
pathrites."
''Divvle TIL bit iv difference it makes
what they think, so long as we don't |
think So said Mr.. Dooley. IT'S what
Father Kelly calls a. case iv mayhem ct
chew 'em. That's Latin, Hinnissy an
it names what's wan mans food is an
other mans roizaD