The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1899-05-31
DEWEY.

The nation has become Dewey-otic
in it's admiration of the commander of
the feet that destroyed SPANS naval
power at Manila 1t wishes to smother
him with admiration expressed in the
use of his name.
If the Admiral should land in San
Francisco, and travel across the CONT
nent, he would find reminders of ms
name at every point. The pilot boat
Dewey would take his vessel TO her
anchorage. He would drive 20 mis- no
tel past several Dewey restaurants.
A brand of Dewey" cigars would be
offered to him as he stepped out of
his carriage. He would be treated to
Dewey" cocktails, and he would find
the Dewey trade mark on the shirts
he bought At his breakfast he would
be treated to Dewey" sausages, and
his wine would be of the Dewey"
vintage. A census would show that
over a million cats and dogs bore the
name of Dewey When he Travelled
Eastwardly it would be in the Dew
ey'' Pullman. If he looked out of the
window of the sleeper as it speeded
through the mountains, he would see
Dewey" streets, and Dewey" gin
mills. At the eating station he would
find Dewey" baked beans and Dew
ey' doughnuts. Fond parents would
pass up to him for appreciation a null
titude of babies named Dewey He
would see patient mules dragging the
Dewey" express up the mountains,
and in every drug store the Dewey"
vermifuge. The newsboys would offer
him the Life of Dewey and compila-
tons of Dewey" anecdotes. AS he
passed the asylum for aged and de-
crepid punsters, he would hear them
murmur with idiotic, or Dewey-otic
smiles why is Dewey like a -"
Because he is a 49," And the SUI
perintendent of the asylum would pre-
sent him with an album on whose lu-
minous pages were inscribed five thou
sand conundrums upon Dewey" con-
tributed by the five thousand separate
chapters of the society. The postmen
would hand him. as he sat in the Pull
man, bushel of letters, among them
one notifying him new city had been
laid out on the plains of Arizona, and
was named Dewey" and the value of
the stock in the company which pro-
NOTED it would in that airy region be |
largely increased by water" AnOth |
or. 1off inf a q
Dewey cockroach parer' was as dead |
ly to those insects as his guns had
been to the Spaniards.
On his arrival in Washington the |
Dewey march would play him from |
the station to his hotel, and when he |
left his hotel and approached the |
White House the President would re- |
ceive him at the porch and point him |
to the words in large capitals upon a
floating banner: Uncle Sam expects
every man to do his Dew(t)ey."
At all events the Admiral will find
that his conquest in Manila Bay in
wolves obligations which are not spec
flied in the navy regulations. He must
submit to the tender mercies of the
crowd whenever he reaches American
SOIL and he would indeed regard his
country as grateful if it would furnish
him an assortment of stomachS Suita-
BILE for the digestion of the Inuumera-
BILE dinners vOuchsafed to him in hon
or of the New Destiny whose pathway
he has blazed in the Far East.
After he has retired from service Mr..
Dillingham; may be able to organize
him into the Dewey Co Uimited), and
issue one hundred millions of paid up
stock ON him, with ninety-nine cents
aSsessable.