Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-03-18
MIR. AND MRS. BINE.


itelate fact that my wife would have
realized long ago if it had been her
misfortune to have married some other
man. In our quiet little neighborhood
on the south side there is no phrase
that better conveys the ultimate of
cheerfulness than the one that is in con-
stant use, "As good natured as Mr..
Bine. " Now, repeat, this reference to
my well known and most admired char
acteristic is not made in a spirit of self
eXultatiOn, for | am about to chronicle
its downfall-tempOrary downfall, l
hasten to add and also to remark that
perhaps my wife is more to blame in
the matter than l am.
l have heard that several persons
have wondered how l manage to get
along so nicely with Constance. Well,
perhaps | do deserve great deal of
credit, though l should be the last per-
son in the world to assert this. 1t
would not be unfair to myself to state
that Constance, though she admits she
is only 81 years old, does not look day
over 2S, and she still retains the major
portion of the piquant attractiveness
that made her a belle i'll her young lady
days and won me at first sight. So,
after all, it may be true that l am very
lenient toward her because she is still
very pretty and still reminds mo Of her
bride self. A great many persons, so
Constance has told me, say that she is
smarter than l am. won't deny this.
She reads the daily papers-I mean
even reads outside the society page
while l can't get away from the markets
and politics. She knows where Dai-
quiri and SibOney are, and that the
Philippines are composed of l, 400 is
lands inhabited by 5000, 600 natives of
all sorts, sizes, classes and varieties,
but this information does not get Alice
a new frocE or buy Joseph pair of
shoes sufficiently large to cover an as
sortment of badly damaged vacation
toes.
However. this story of how l was
surprised into an expression of annoy
ance-perhaps l should say irritation
is what l wish to tell, that the truth of
it may be known. Constance says 1 dis
played anger, but then she is great
tease. 1t was midnight to the stroke of
the courthouse clock. Then they began :
Meeeeeeeee Ow o-o-w-o-o o WOW miaou |
SZZZskkIkkkkkk- eeeeeee miaou -riaou-
rrrrrr- -purrrrr Wow!! Wow!! Wow!!
WOW! Wow!
My hair, i'll standing Oh ends, had
pulled me to sitting posture. 1t took
several minutes to catch my breath.
am sure if l had not been an expert
diver when | was a boy, l would have
expired now of sutfocation. Then came
again that horrible interchange of dis
sonance. 1t is needless to repeat the
suggestions that are used to indicate
the sputterings and ear scalding feline
anathemas. The noise seemed to come
from under the bed; in reality the
wretches We're just out of throwing dis
tance. glanced at Constance. She lay
quietly sleeping, looking not unlike a
reposing queen with her aureole of curl
papers. Again came those scarifying
screeches. How Constance can sleep!
She slowly turned half over, and still
not awake, touched me and managed to
murmur, "Stop snoring, Mr. Bine."
Really, that must have been the first
thing that influenced me in .he direc-
tion of losing my temper. Stop snoring!
As if | ever snored. And it was not the
first time Cons tance had accused me of
snoring. / can take a joke as we'll as
any one, but when Constance accuses
me of such undignified proceedings I
confess it does not move me to geniali-
~. Then the cats began again, and
Constance, awakening to the situation,
sat up and stammered out feebly,
"Shuo." Then she turned to me and
said, sleepily:
For goodness sake, go TO sleep.
Don't let "a little noise like that worry
you.
She instantly followed her own ad-
vice and ! may ray here positively that
if | do snore | have no reason to feel
lonesome. ! crept softly out of bed and
after searching vainly for an empty bot
tie poured the remainder of my "Old
Cabinet, - into a glass, curked the flask
and fired it in direction from which
the disturbing sounds seemed TO come.
When that bottle struck the ground, it
exploded like torpedo, and l would
not have been surprised if had sunk
part of the street. Constance was awake
again instantly. She reached her hand
out and discovered was gone and then
moancd out, "Oh Mr.. Bine"
| explained what il was, and she
wanted to know where l got an empty
bottle. / told her. She said il was just
an excuse TO take "a toddy, and-well,
like for Constance 10 be right occasion
ally. Constance was wide awake, the
cats had fled, and was just about to
go back To sleep.
"Sh- hh-hh -hhr' whispered Con
stance grasping my arm in an agitated
fashion.
"Bosh" said l. Constance, the cats
have gone. " | suppose shouldn't have
said "Bosh - in the tnno did.
Its not the cats, " Whispered Con-
stance "Listenr'
/ could hear nothing
"ln the corner. " soft pedaled Con.
stance.
"Well. it doesn't worry me" said.