Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-04-02

The grounding and the gentleman
who manipulates the weather depart
ment of the government, who are to be
taken as jointly responsible for the
neurological pyrotechnics and corrus-
cations of yesterday and last evening,
should be tied together by their re-
spective tails and suspended over a
sharp edged fence rail for an indefinite
period. 1t is alleged to be spring; in
fact, it is mid-winter, and last night
folks were tramping around through
the snow wishing each other Merry
Christmas" and invoking things the
reverse of blessings upon the weather
authorities, and this because at eleven
o'clock the snow was anywhere from
an inch deep down to nothing, and a
cold wind was blowing through peo-
pies whiskers. AS spring day it was
burlesque-a lamentable failure-a
travesty upon the ordinary sequence OF
the seasons-a reputation of the al
manac and of all traditions, and an
outrage upon the human race. What
to-day will bring forth no man know
eth; but it can scarcely be worse than
yesterday. Ladies in search of Easter
millinery and other indispensables of q
religious life, faced a wind several de-
grees below the freezing point yester-
day, and last night they carried the
marvelous-and incidentally costly
creations of the bonnet makers home
through the snow. Gentlemen whose
erly spring thoughts lightly turn to
new trousers, got EN- last evening, and
then faced a blizzard on their way to
their habitations. People bought Eas-
ter flowers, and the aforesaid flowers
died an untimely death from cold en-
route to the purchasers residences. A
white Easter" will greet the inhab-
itants of the Upper Ohio valley this
morning. The Third House OF the late
lamented Legislature should be con-
vened in extra session to abolish the
grounding and reform the calendar, so
as to make spring, gentle spring, COM
mence about the first Of July.
Yesterday morning opened bright
and sunny. The buds on the goose
berry bushes resumed the process Of
/ expanding into leaves; the strawberry
plants were green, the peach trees, in
commemoration of the April moving
season, were preparing to leave, and a
number of old-'time neighbors left
their former habitations for new ones
in short it looked like spring, it felt
like spring, and the almanac said it was
spring. That was early in the morn
ing. 1t then dawned upon the weather
authorities that it was April fool day.
and they proceeded to work what they
probably considered joke The Their
mometer was first called down, and it
fell, while the wind rose. As it grew
colder the sky clouded, and it showed
about every fifteen minutes. At dark
the mercury was under thirty degrees
at the steel bridge and it was showing.
Later it showed some more; then more
At half-past ten the blizzard was a
bowling success, and at eleven there
was snow everywhere out of DOORS
Despite the climatic conditions, the
day before Easter saw the usual large
trade in new hats, lilies, light trousers,
tulips, vari-colored neckwear, hia-
cinths, eggs, and hot drinks. The
flower stores were practically depleted
of their marketable contents when they
closed up last night, the confectioneries
sold innumerable candy eggs, rabbits
and other accessories Of the day, the
supply of regulation hen products
was visibly depleted and there
will be a brave array of new clothes on
view this afternoon-also, probably, Of
old umbrellas. What the weather will
be no man could say at one o'clock
this morning. but the conditions were
decidedly unsettled What the weather
department says it will be is printed
at the head Of this article, but the Reg
lister does not guarantee the correctness
of the forecast, SO don't blame us If
your new hat is damaged or you have
TO turn up your new light unmention-
ables.