Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-01-01

didn't feel so bad at first ! thought
one could be an undertaken and yet
crack jokes, invent riddles and spring
conundrums on the unsuspecting pub
lie. 1t seemed to me that the situation
offered even better advantages, but
album, sir-ah-um! ! hadn't been in
the business an hour when | discovered
that there wasn't a smile from roof to
cellar The last catch-wOrd | got off
was Just as | entered the doors: Pull
down your vest Five minutes later
had pulled my own down, and 1t has
never worked up since. Perhaps as an
actor or humorist, might have COM
mitted murder and been hung by the
neck. but ! look back with longing and
regret. There are times, sir, when
positively ache to ask a customer why
clam up a tree is like a hen in well,
and have to hold on to myselfto keep
from remarking: Smother eve or
Hardly ever | can't make you under
stand the feeling, sir
But there must be times-must be
intervals-when you are alone-when
you are out of the store-that you can
indulge yourself?"
"Never-never time, sir" he
groaned. once you get your voice at
tuned and your face set there must be
no change. Your expression and
speech are part of the business. There
must be no trifling. Even when | wake
up at midnight in my own bed and
know that nobody can see or hear me
DIRE not trife with myself enough TO
softly whisper: oh! Cheese it. No,
sir, it would never do. If / was in the
dry goods business l could sing ont to
you as you came in the door: All,
there, Cholly!' but just imagine my
greeting anybody that way in this busi-
ness, / smile, sir, but | never never
laugh. Other folks may laugh as fat
man strikes an icy corner. and claws
| around for fence-rails and goes down
with a whoop, but 1t is not for me, sir,
it is not for me. 1t is not against the
ethics to attend a minstrel show, but
when | do attend. sir, it isn't over fif-
teen minutes before the usher comes
down with my money and whispers:
/ Get out, old man-you are freezing up
the show, / am permitted to smile
now and then, but it must not be a
smile Of exhilaration and good nature.
No. sir. It must be a sad and sorrow-
full smile-something 10 make you
think OF a shaft with a lamb on top of
it, even if you didn't know my line Of
business. Let me illustrate
He smiled and tears sprang TO my
eyes and my heart began to ache. He
would have had me weeping in two
minutes il he hadn't put the smile away
to go on:
"And you see how It is when a GUS
toner comes in. / can't put on a CHEEKY
look and talk about great bargain sales,
fresh stocks, newest designs and all
that. And when they are ready to go
l can't smile and bow and ask IL there
is anything more to-day and hope they
will call again. ! feel that ] could
write drawing advertisement if | was
a butcher or grocer or kept a shoe
store or was a knight OF the yard-stick,
but what opportunities does this bust-
ness furnish2 Can / send out postais
asking people to give my goods trial,
and giving a warranty that they viii
never go elsewhere after one purchase?
Can / say that | am in business to give
Ats, and that prices are no object If GUS
toners are pleased2 II | should get
out dodgers reading: Here Won are
prices cut in two-goods can't be beat
come with the rush the police would
have to keep out the mob. A grocer can
advertise: Shell out-Long Island eggs
fresh every day-hens up TO biz but
must sit with folded hands and wait for
customers.
didn't know what to say to comfort
him. and therefore kept silence. and il
was long minute before he said:
Il never pick UP a newspaper without
seeming puff for Brown or Jones or
| Green. They have just received fresh