The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-10-22
EPIsTLEs TO ST. PAUL.

They were two very thirsty young men
In the unfortunate position Of being Pc
cuniarily embarrassed, and they met in
front Of the city hall to compare, notes.
The result was decidedly unsatisfactory
until one Of the unfortunates happened to
perceive the bronze cannon that adorns
the city hall walk, and has its business
end trained upon the saloon directly
across from the massive building. Two
minutes later and the youngsters were
lined up against the bar In direct line Of
fire.
Say" said one of them dramatically,
at the same time taking out his watch,
eff you don't get two drinks of whisky
up on this bar within seven seconds we
signal our confederate, and he touches off
the gun, see."
The bartender saw. He went to the
window and perceived man peering into
the gun.
"You fellows are not going to fool with
that thing, are your" he inquired, anxt-
ously. "It might be loaded"
The only answer was to call his at
tention to the watch which showed three
seconds remaining Of the allotted seven.
Within the time the two drinks were on
the bar, and had seen their finish. Then
the bartender breathed more easily. His
unwelcome guests went out.
few minutes. later another couple
came In, and again the bartender saved
his life, but by this time he had begun to
smell a rat. When, a little later, two
others came in and tried the same game
the booze clerks only answer was shot
frcm the seller bottle, that caused in
fnitely more discomfort than the explo-
sion of the entire Spanish armament
would have done. nj
Now the very word cannon Is tabooed
in that particular saloon, and the bar
tender always keeps 1.-The seller handy.
e
It is singular that the edict Of Mayor
Kiefer, 1.-THE cigar store Indian must
CO." should. follow SO closely on the
heels of the peace conference at Tho
Hague, particularly as the peace-loy1ng
red man is almost universally shown
with either a pipe of peace or a pipe
Of Key West Possibly the mayors susp1-
cions were aroused by the fact that fake
red man usually carries an ak In his
other hand but there was doubt In some
quarters whether the mailed hand was
not even hidden in the proposal for
perpetual peace and disarmament any
way.
With the fire water rapidly depopulating
the ancient tribes and the mayors men
in blue driving the wooden images within
doors, casual visitors to st. Paul will
have nothing TO remind them that fifty
years ago, where we now stand, the
dusky squaw, with her pappoose, sod
moccasins and souvenir canoes to the
unsuspecting settler, while her brave gall
lants robbed the suburban hen roost and
winged the migrating mallard on tie
West Side fats
An iconoclastic hand is out after the
cherished memories of the after-dinner
orator and the time may be close at
hand when the reminiscent settler who
recalls when that portion Of Minnesota
street now lined with one twelve-story
building and twelve one-story buildings
was in the center of a huge swamp, will
not be encouraged by the municipal adj
ministration.
1--WE are in the present already yet"
is the view of the administration. cit
will the future be in a little while again.
The past we have not with us some
more"
The report that. the war in the Trans
vaal has caused 40 per cent increase in
the price of diamonds has not as yet
caused any increase in the price Of the
diamond at Lexington park. Manager
Comiskey still holds that at the same old
figure.
There is one breed of live stock which
has not been properly taken in hand by
the live stock eXchange-the street car
hog Like the Iowa hog, he is brought
up on the corn save that the street car
hog is usually brought up on your corn
either entering or leaving the car.
And now St. Paul man has complained
to the police that he was assaulted with
bunch Of keys. 1t might be made out a
conspiracy if it could be shown the keys
were in ring. The Philistine.