Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1899-07-07
LOOKS LIKE TWAIN.
THE FAMOUS HUMoRlsT HAS A oou.
OLE IN KANSAS.

Ole IN KANSAS.
His Name ID Clemens. Too. and the
able For Him by Insisting That He
Was the Real and Only Mark.
Mark Twain has a double and the
double doesn't like it a bit. AS for Mark,
no one knows that he carcs-in fact, it is
rather uncertain whether the great Mark
knows Of it. The double has Marks own
name, Clemens, with the pre1lxcd initials
Of 6. C. He is a Kansas socialists law.
yer by trade-and as he bears q striking
resemblance to the real thing, he is often
taken for 1t, In America and abroad.
People say that they are cousins, md tho
socialist has to deny 1t every other day.
He went to Europe years ago, and people
there dined and wined him, believing that
they had the real old stuff with thom.
The more he tried to explain that it was
all q mistake Oh their part, and the mad
der that he got, the more tickled they
were. y
"Oh, MI. TWAIN" they said, 'syou are
so funny! Now we see through it oil, and
you can't conceal your identity from u.s."
This is what Mr.. Clemens of Kansas
says when ~'joshcd" by his friends upon
his great relation: II understand that
Mark Twain is a man of good naturcd
ability, and, had he turned his attention
to some proper pursuit, he doubtless
would have made his way in tho world,
stood well in society and perhaps have
been mayor Of his city md perhaps COVER.
nor of some western state. But he got the
notion into his head that he could write
and threw away his chances to win i'm
mortality by appointing policemen and
notaries public. He took to writing books
even after he must have known the whole
world was laughing over his literary
efusions. He chose his career without
consulting me, and If he is disappointed
with the result let him look to it and not
be saddling himself upon me by claiming
kinship. I am in no condition to stand
any foolishness. I nave hard work to got
credit at my grocers' now"
In the year Of the Russo-Turkish war
this Kansas Clemens went to Europe to
try his luck Us u war correspondent. It
does not bear on this story, but it may be
of interest to add that he never got a
chance to show his proves in the line of
war correspondence. Possibly his reputa-
ton was enhanced by this absence of op-
p~ortunity. Anyway, Fourth of July Of
that year found G.. c. Clemens on ship
board crossing the Atlantic. Already he
had been taken to be the only Mark, in
spite of all his statements to the contrary.
He made q little speech at the Independ-
ence day celebration, but tho main address
of the day was made by somo unknown
who bore the title of colonel. Clemens
having been chosen press agent, upon his
arrival in Glasgow, he tool the colonel's
speech to the office of a newspaper to have
it printed, with a report of tho proceed
ings. He sent his card to the editor, and
on leaving said to the editor: "If you
leave u anything, leave out my own
speech. If you print anything and leave
out the colonel's speech, I can't stay here
and be safo." The next day the city was
placarded with such poster announcements
as this:
"'Mark Twain on the Old Country,
see Glasgow Evening News"
Clemens got q copy of the paper, and
there was the colonel's speech, to be sure,
but his own led the story. Clemens tried
all sorts Of arguments to prove that he
wasn't Mark Twain, but oil the editor
said was, IF you want to travel incog.,
it's all very we'll, but I cannot and will
not tell my readers that tho speech that I
have published as yours is not your own
That night Clemens went to the theater
with SOM Of his steamer friends, and
greatly to their amusement Mark Twain
gags were thrown at him from the stage.
h next day crowds of people came to his
hotel for his signature. He wrote his w
honest nanle in their albums, and they
departed happy.
Ho horor fn hn ofroi1 %ho< 80 ~ ,,oo1
Mark Twain showed up anywhere he-the
Kansas man-would be denounced as an
imposter. So he fled to London and went
to the Inns of Court hotel. In the next
mornings paper he saw the
ment, "Mark Twain at the Inns of Court
hotel" Now the Kansas man felt really
good, because he had made up his mind
to go to the real Mark and tell him oil
about 1t. So he asked the clerk for in.
formation about Twain, and he discovered
again that he himself was the Mark talk
ed of. He was thrown off his feet by this
statement, but he had self possession
enough to skip to Paris. While there O
letter came to him from the Glasgow edi-
tor, asking him to come at once to Glas-
gov. Thinking that the truth at last was
about to come out, he returned and found
that the editor wanted to submit to him O
business proposition. The editor was to
print anything that Clemens might choose
to write denying that he was Mark
Twain, and then pay Clemens we'll for
travelling over Scotland and write it up
ION the American PLAN" Clemens was
to be himself and no one else, and he was
to get big pay for being honest. This
looked like q profitable and reputable
scheme, and Clemens wrote the letter
denying his identity with Mark Twain,
and then started off on his tour. But
when he got to the next town he found
that his letter as published had preceded
him. Worse than that, it was accepted az
only one more of"Mark Twain's things"
whats the use, " said Clemens to him
self, ''of a poor devil trying to be honest
in such a country as thiss" So he pre-.
pared to return to his own Kansas, where
at least he was what he was. But he
couldn't make a fly by night trip. SO 1t
came to pass when he was on the ship that
he was placed ct the captains right at the
table, and for II long days he had to eat
Mark Twain food and drink Mark Twain
drinks. Kind ladies got down Marks
books from the ships library, and Glenn
ans had IN Give raa6inoa From UTha