The Red Cloud chief., 1899-05-13
HEARSE FOR SALF.
FOLK REFUSED TO DIE UNTIL
1T WAS SOLD.
All This Happened because the Omcis,
Driver Bad n Commercial Mind-One
OF the Queer Features Of life In the
Pine Tree state.

TO see IL the town will vote to
sell the hearse, and, IL SO, at what
price, That was the most prominent
clause In the warrant issued last week
in Holden, Me-, calling for the town
meeting. The town meeting decided
the important question without a dis
senting voice. 1t has been ordered
that the hearse be sold "st any price"
So there is an excellent and uneaualed
opportunity to buy respectable ex-
official hearse at a low price, for 1t Is
not probable that the vehicle will have
been purchased before this Is printed.
The reason is that the buyer no doubt
will have to come from a distance, as
the Holden hearse has been by-word
and a reproach in all the country
around that town. This is all on ac-
count OF salt fish. II II is not clear
at first sight what salt fish may have
to do with town hearse, It will be
clear after the thread OF this argu-
ment has been followed to its bitter
end. II was about six or seven years
ago that the authorities of Holden
bought the hearse to fill long felt
want. The archives are silent on the
subject OF just how the departed used
to be taken to the silent tomb before
that. but certainly hearse was so
badly needed that even the most
economical citizen OF Holden did not
object to the expenditure of the 500
which was the cost of the stately car
riage OF woe. While II does not ap-
pear that dying became any more pop
ular in Holden that it had been be-
fore the magnificent hearse was in
stalled, 1t is certain that paradoxical
though this be, the hearse did become
popular. The first citizen to die after
1t arrived achieved a mild celebrity
which spread over several counties, and
which no doubt, would have pleased
him intensely had he not been unable
TO enjoy II. Soon citizens Of Holden
got into the habit OF dropping cas-
ually into neighborng hearseless
towns like Eddington, Clifton and
Dedham and making equally casual
but loud remarks about "our hearse."
The lively emotions Of jealousy which
were aroused by this did not deter
those towns from borrowing the Hol-
den hearse whenever there arose any
OF those particular occasions when
such a vehicle Is useful. But the glory
Of Holden only lasted two years. Then,
one day the town driver of the town
hearse blasted the deputation OF the
hearse and OF Holden. On that un-
happy day he had to take a corpse to
Brookline for interment. On his re-
turn he permitted greed-plain, earth
ly greed, totally unsuited to the Office
and the sombre dignity of a town
driver Of town hearse-to master
him. A grocer tempted him with a
dollar, and he fell. And, like another
person who was tempted and fell, this
modern male official Eve of Maine was
found out. When the hearse entered
Holden the first person who looked at
Il with the affectionate scrutiny that
had become second nature with all
able persons in the town, fell back
with a cry Of horror. In the hea. sc,
the town hearse, the Pride of Holden,
was bundle OF salt fish! The feel
ings which permeated the wretched
town when this horrible fact was
made public might we'll be described
as indescribable had not all the cit
liens OF the town described them
minutely year after year since then.
Old citizens were so justly indignant
that they declared that they would
! not die, a declaration which added
/ oroat npinf n tho uQhannnt gtc
Of wrath over the salt fish outrage on
the part OF their prospective heirs.
People who had been i'll got better
suddenly. One spirited man made
| will nroyiiing that his children be