The Kootenai herald. [volume] (Kootenai, Idaho) 1891-1904, 1899-04-15
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Drinkhorn-Huh. Stars that goes,
see two of you this minute.-Ci Cincinnati
Enquirer.
General Miles had. wasn't it? Higgins
Why, was he shot at? Wiggins-No.
he had his mustache cut off.-New
York Journal
Yes, sir" said the man in cell I'll;
time was when was admitted to the
very best houses" And what brought
you here?" They caught me coming
out."-Tit-Bits.
Doctor. don't you think the Illnesses
of most women are caused by magma
tionT' We'll, the cut rates on patent
medicines are responsible for a good
many of them"
Five-year-old-Pretty useful, amt l,
mamma? Yes, dear" Almost as use
full as manY' I'm. ye-es" Il don't
mean Santa Claus or God, but any or
binary man."-Harlem Life.
Il s'pose you noticed that the war
had quite "A religious tiavor?" mo; in
what way?" "All the yachts were con-
verted and many of the rumors were
confirmed. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A Kansas woman says: "Hard-tack
nicely Drowned over a slow fire. and
served hot with melted cheese, is ex-
cellent." Pshaw! Why didn't our sol
der boys think of that?-Richmond
Times.
And you wouldn't begin a journey
on Friday?' mot me-" Il can't under
stand how you can have any faith in
such a silly superstition" mo supersti-
ton about it." Saturdays payday
Pick Me Up.
Jack-I don't see why you call her a
queer girl Just because she told you to
see her papa when you proposed. Algy
-Ya-as; but perhaps you don't know
that her papa has been dead fob five
yeahs.-Judge.
Gerald-Would that | were a glove
that l might hold your hand! Gerald
ine-You would make a good glove.
that's a fact Gerald-What do you
mean? Geraldine-You are a regular
kid.-Bazar.
Now" said the attorney for the de-
Tense, here is skull Can you tell us
to what species it belongs?" IT'S the
skull of a lawyer" replied the expert
witness. How can you tell?' by the
cheek bones. Rural Home.
She-But how can you think I'm pref
ty when my nose turns up so dreadful
ly? He-Wen, all have to say is, that
| 70 70 In, ho
away from such lovely mouth. "-Har-
lem Life.
Philanthropist-DO you believe in
capital punishment, may l ask? Cynic
i certainly don't. why, how's thatT
Because l never yet met a man that
! thought it worth while hanging an
other for. Exchange.
Customer-Do you think this medi-
cine will have the desired effect? Drug
gist-Oh, yes; I'll guarantee 1t to work
like charm. Customer-But l have
no faith in charms. Druggist-Neither
have I.-Chicago News.
II tell you" cried Nupop, enthusiast
tically, that baby of mine is wonder.
Think of it, only eight months old and
can talkw "Pshawv remarked his
friend, carelessly, I've known some
men that cursed the day they were
born. "-Brooklyn Life.
"Oh, you needn't talk" said the indig-
nant wife; what would you be to-day
if it weren't for my money, I'd like to
know?" IL really don't know, my dear"
calmly replied the heartless wretch.
but I'm inclined to think l would be
bachelor. Chicago News.
Mr. Hayseed CARRYING at city hoteD-
s'pose kin hear the gong here when
it rings for dinner, can't /? Clerk-We
have no gong. We have breakfast from
six to eleven, dinner from twelve to
six, supper from six to eleven. Mr..
Hayseed-Jehoshaph How am l to
git time to see the city York
Weekly.
"You didn't fasten your essay with
blue ribbon, as you usually do" said
the editor of the magazine. mo" an
, swered the contributor; my sense OF
| harmony wouldn't permit it. This is
an article on the management of the
} war. l tied 1t with red tape. Wash.
, ington Star.
, Casey-Phat? Yez be's hero iv tn
. war? PLY, yez niver lift home. Hen
z nessy-Thrue. When OF see thin al
= a-rushin' t. tn front, eyther fer glory el
1 fer Doodle, SEE OF to mesilf, "Hinnisy
/. me boy, thrue heroism consists in self
denial. Twill be t yer honor Z shtay
l at home an lit tn other fellys reap tn