davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

In India only one male in ten and one
, female in 16O are able to read.
Raw silk is scarce the world over
consumption for five years has out
paced production.
No receptacle has ever been made
with sufficient strength to resist the
bursting power of frozen water.
Kansas is becoming great mineral
state, the value of minerals last year
being $27, 000, 900, of which coal was over
100000 and zinc and lead almost as
much.
A writer in the German scientific
periodical Globus denies that insanity
is on the increase and that the recruit
ing field exhibits larger amount of
physical degeneracy than in former
generations.
Pittsburgh 10 the plate glass center
of the world. Capital aggregating
$12,00O,0o0 is invested and 5000 work
men are employed, who receive annu-
ally $3,000,000 in wages. There are 612
pots, producing 24,500,OO0 square feet,
or enough to cover not far from square
mile.
Pittsburgh has 757 window glass pots
out of the 1850 in the United States,
which produce 2,573,so0 boxes of so
square feet of glass. This would cover
five square miles. The largest tumbler
works in the world is near Pittsburgh.
1t has the largest picking and preserv-
ing establishment in the world.
In Ecuador, one of the South Amer
lean republics, the bark of tree which
grows on the slopes of the Andes is
utilized for the making of blankets.
The blanket is over six feet long and
over five feet wide, and is as soft and
pliable as though it were made of fam
mel. 1t is about the thickness of
good flapnel blanket and can be rolled
up and put in strap without hurting or
injuring it.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
HIS WAR RECORD
By M. QUAD.
Copyright, j89&

nominate. The first I knew was when
that wife Of mine proudly laid the
morning paper before me. The item
was of course headed: Honor to q
Wounded Veteran and it went on to
say that had lost gallons and gallons
of blood in putting down the rebellion,
and that full particulars of my gallant
record would soon be published as a
contrast to the stay-at-home record of
the opposing candidate"
by George!" whispered the bald
headed man az the sweat started on his
chin.
you don't say?" hoarsely exclaimed
the man with the big watch chain.
II can realize the position, for have
been there-been there!" groaned the
man with the lop-shoulder. II injured
this shoulder by falling from tree, but
my wife thinks it was hit by q bomb
shell. and she has made my life miser-
able for quarter of century,"
"I'm glad to hear these things" OBJ
served the fat man as he looked about
with more heart, ''for supposed was
suffering alone. / had to stop that po-
litical move, of course, and it took some
of the most gigantic lying the human
tongue is capable of. For day or two
l thought I'd have to commit suicide
to get out of it. The party finally put
up another candidate, But my 'unheard
of modesty,' as the papers put it,
brought me more trouble. They want
ed to publish my army record, and was
harassed and bounded until l packed
my grip and went OF to the woods for
month. While ! was gone my wife
tried to find my papers, and she actual
ly sent two old mortgages and bill of
sale to one of the newspapers to dig
facts out of! Gentlemen, excuse this
perspiration, but it will fowl"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

Gentlemen" began the fat man as
he finished reading his letter and put
it away in his pocket. II hold that it is
almost husbands duty to lie to his
wife more or less, but started out by
telling lie which seems bound to fol-
low me to my grave and hang over my
tombstone after death. My case ought
TO be a warning to all men who con-
template marriage and lying"
"You see," he continued, when mo-
toned to go ahead with his story, II
was only IA years old when the civil
war closed. Ten years later fell in
love and got married. While was
counting L discovered that the girl had
a great admiration for the men who
had fought and bled for the union. and
in thoughtless moment claimed to
have seen two years. service in the
army. / was also ass enough to men
ton that l had been wounded in the
leg. Also, that went in as a private
and came out as captain. thought
might as well 60 the whole hog while
! was about it, you know. was hero
in the girls eyes at once, and she
hadn't called me captain over dozen
times before we got engaged"
by George! By George!" whispered
the bald-headed man as he slapped his
leg.
What's the matter with your"
1T is the curious coincidence. start
ed out that very way!"
"Well, after I had named my regi-
ment and all that l couldn't go back on
my story, of course" resumed the fat
man. Il had to go at it and read war
history and post myself. The girl told
everybody I had been hero, and even
before we were married had been
forced to lie to about Q hundred diff
ferent people. When we were welded
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
Birth Rate 4. Eure,e,

Signor Bodis, a well-known Italian
statistician. has published tables show
ing the order in which the countries of
Europe are classed in decreasing series
according to their birth rate: 1, Russia
in Europe; 2, Hungary; 3, Servia; 4,
Roumania; S, Austria; 6, German EN-
pire; 2, Italy; 8, Spain; o. Finland; 10,
Portugal; II. Holland; IL, England and
Wales; 10, Scotland; II. Denmark; IS,
Norway; 16, Belgium; II, Sweden; IS,
Switzerland; 10. Greece; 20. France; 81,
ireland. It will thus be observed that
Russia has the largest percentage Of
births and France and Ireland have the
smallest,
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
An Excellent Combination.

The pleasant method and beneficial
effects of the well known remedy.
SYRUP OF FIes, manufactured by the
CALIFORNIA Ere SYRUP Co., illustrate
the value of obtaining the liquid laxa-
tive principles of plants known to be-
incidentally laxative and presenting
them in the form most refreshing to the
taste and acceptable to the system. Il
is the one perfect strengthening laxa-
tive, cleansing the system effectually,
dispelling colds, headaches and fevero
gently yet promptly and enabling one
to overcome habitual constipation Der.
manently. Its perfect freedom from
every Objectionable quality and sub
stance, and its acting on the kidneys,
liver and bowels, without weakening
or irritating them, make It the idee1
laxative.
In the process of manufacturing fgs
are used, as they are pleasant to the
taste, but the medicinal qualities Of the
remedy are obtained from SIENNA and
other aromatic plants. by . method
known to the CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP
Co. only. In order to get its beneficial
effects and to avoid limitations, please
remember the full name of the Company
printed on the front of every package.
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP co.
SAN T12xCIsoo. CAL
LOUISVILLE KY. NEW YORK, N. =.
For sale by all Druggias.-Price 500 per bottle
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
Never Could Tell When Might Make Slip.

"Tve got it, tool" replied the bald.
headed man.
"And II" added added the lop-shoul.
dered man.
"One of the times wanted to MUIR
der my wife," continued the fat man
after he had recovered, twas when abe
arranged for me to deliver a war talk
for the benefit of orphans of veterans.
Yes, sir, she had it all fixed before she
let on to me, and one of the incidents Of
the talk was to exhibit the wound on
my leg and describe the sensations of
being hit in battle! had the old scar
of burn on my right leg and had al
ways passed it of on my wife as bat
tie wound. When 1 heard what she
had done almost tainted away, and
the only way could get out of it was to
fall dangerously i'll. 1t was lucky for
me that didn't show up. There were
$50 veterans present at that meeting.
My illness had just permitted me to get
out doors when met an old soldier,
who said:
"'Say, captain, / wish that galoot
had showed up at the orphans enter
tainment. understand he claims that
the Seventh was at Antietam and
Charlottesville. He's Q plumb liar
about that, and there was no captain of
company D who rose from the ranks.
II we get hold of him well make him
own up that he's liar and dufferl'"
that's my case. gentlemen" said the
fat man as he held out his hands in
helpless way. II began by lying, and
I'm still obliged to keep it up. shall
havet TO lie myself into the grave. must
lie to my wife, my children, my nieces,
nephews and grandchildren. l must
lie to all my friends outside. If 1t
hadn't been for the war with Spain
things might have quieted down, but
the war came, and there was need of
new lies, and only this morning had to
tell minister of the gospel that but
for my wound l should have led regi-
ment up the hill at Santiago. Lord!
Lord! but why did ever start in to
Hep
"But whyi" groaned the other three
In chorus as they mopped away.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

the papers referred to me as the battle.
SCARED Capt. Blank and the first
thing that came around was an invita-
ton to join a grand army post. I'll
bet l have told million lies to keer
out of that trap, and if 1 live five years
longer I'll have to tell a million more
To join a post, or, rather, to fill out an
application, would expose me at once
Lord! Lord! But how very, very
queer!" whispered the man with the big
watch chain.
rs it another curious coincidence? ~
grimly asked the fat man.
1T is, sir-it is! Yes, have been w.
ing about the very same thing for the
last 30 years."
II tried to call halt on my dear lit.
tie wife," said the fat man in . voice
Of sorrow, "but she wouldn't have it.
She just wanted all the world to know
that l was wounded hero and de-
serving of public recognition, and she
insisted that everybody call me cap
TAIN l couldn't move out of my own
gate without humping up against a
genuine old soldier. and couldn't walk
two blocks with one of 'em without his
asking:
"'Let's see, captain? What regiment
were you in?'
1.-The Seventh
"'Oh, yes. And what battles were
you imp
"'Bull Run, Antietam, Fredericks-
burg. Characteristic, gettysburg and
The Wilderness
land you were woundedr
I'm the leg.'
I'D read up on the war, and particu-
iarly on the record of the Seventh" ex-
planned the fat man, "but never could
tell when might make slip. When a
fellow got after me had to bluff him
of by telling new lies. and If any of
you folks think that l enjoyed it. you
are greatly mistaken. When have had
to sit down with five or six old vets at
the club. I've had my hair on end for a
full hour at time"
us 1t possible-is 1t possible ?" gasped
the lop-shouldered man an he mopped
his brow with his newspaper.
Say, maybe you are one of us?"
asked the fat man.
"Yes-just so. Yes, ! have also lied
about my war record, but supposed
was all alone in It,"
Il used to tell my wife that had no
army record to boast of. and that thou
sands Of others were more entitled to
praise and admiration, but you know
how wives are about husbands repu-
tation. She kept piling it on, and she
kept making matters worse for me. 1t
was through her talk more than any
thing else that our party in the Fifth
ward finally decided TO nominate me
for aldermanic horors. They knew !
was a modest and retiring man. and
hey kept the thina quiet until ready TO
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
The Family Specter

10y JOVE, Gordon, l don't know
d what to make of you!" exclaimed
Tom Fairleigh, drawing on his gloves
with considerable show of vexation
Amy Hepburn's happiness is dear te
me; in fact, came here tonight to tel
you that love her
ITO tell mel" broke in Gordon; why
don't you tell her?"
'.Wait, can't you? Let me finish. ]
have told her and she declined me. II
was very gently and with the greatest
possible regard for my feelings, but
nevertheless / was declined. Don't
think me fool because come here and
make a confession which can be moth
ing less than Notifying. I'm doing il
for Amy's sake"
9For Amy's sake" echoed Gordon.
"Yes; / want to see her happy, and
you are the man to make her SO. She
declined me on your account. Of course
knew long ago that you were my rival
but l did not know until two hours since
that you were the successful one. You
aren't worthy of her and don't deserve
her, but don't think for moment that
i believe myself more worthy or more
deserving" Pausing suddenly, Fair
leigh walked to his friends side and
laid a hand on his shoulder. 81 can't
understand what you mean by leading
Amy to believe that you care for her,
while all the time dividing your atten-
tons with Nell Forthdyke. Would you
be inhuman enough to break heart as
loyal as Amy's?"
Don't be tragic, Tom. I'm not 60
ing to break anybody's heart. Nell is
rich, you know"
"And 90 are you," sneered Fairleigh,
walking hurriedly to the door and lay
ing his hand on the knob, ''but Amy
Hepburn is poor. Society dares you to
wed with poverty. If you love Amy,
are You man enough to take the dare
Examine into the financial condition
of the Hepburns, reflect upon the cause
of their downfall in fortune and then
let me see if you are strong enough to
leap this Brahminical barrier of cast"
With this parting shot Fairleigh
passed quickly out of the room and
slammed the door behind him. Harry
Gordon gave vent to long whistle, set
tied himself back in his chair and
thoughtfully lighted a cigar.
THAT was quite JOLT" he muttered,
looking upward through the curling
wreaths of smoke. "'How happy l
could be with either were t'other dear
charmer away!' It's as sure as can be
that love one and fancy the other, but
who will unravel the Gordian knot?
Which is it to be-Amy or Nell?"
A knock fell on the door-not on the
outside door, but on door leading into
a closet. Harry Gordon stirred uncom-
fortably in his chair, vexed look COM
ing into his eyes as he fixed them upon
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

the closet door. After brief interval
OF silence the knock was repeated.
Now, what in the world aroused
your cried Gordon.
Business is business" came hollow
voice from the other side of the closet
door. I'm here for purpose, and if
| do not make that purpose manifest
once in awhile you'll forget all about
me-"
This remark was followed by a clank-
ing cachinnatory outburst that seemed
to CRATE harshly ON Gordon's ear.
WELL. what do you want?" he asked.
Il want to come out and show nv
self. You know I'm here, but little
ocular demonstration won't come
amiss, take it. Remember. I'm show
ing consideration for you. might have
kicked open this door and stalked out
into the room. But didn't. Trapped"
Cant you put it off? Come out to-
morrow I've got something else to
think about now"
THE high and mighty order of FAM
lily skeletons are not in the habit of
playing second fiddle or taking back
seats for anybody. I'm coming out at
once"
"All right, them" groaned Gordon.
squaring himself about in his chair.
Come on"
The closet door few open and we'll
developed skeleton strobe out and
dropped with rattle into chair. The
cavernons eyes were blankly expressive
Ito Gordon. For him, also, there was
something sarcastic in the grin of the
flefhless jaws.
Dust me on" said the skeleton. II
want to show up as frightful as DOS
sibie tonight"
The request presented itself to Cor
don ~ command. which he was pow
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

II will admit" she said, that wom-
ar seldom weighs her words"
No. he replied. Even scales have
their limitations"
"Nonsense!" she retorted. Women
don't use big words"
"True," he answered, hut they would
have to be weighed in such large guam
titles, Chicago Post
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
Eggs ana the Drama.

"After mature reflection" wrote the edi.
tor of the louisville Star of the West and
Voice of Truth, 1--WE have decided not to
publish any more notices of extraordinary
large eggs. We find that the notices tend
not good theater town."
Of course, it was likely to hurt his circu'
lation, but art was art.-Detroit Journal.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

Ladies' Can Wear Shoes
One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease, powder for the feet. 1t makes tight
or new shoes easy. Cures swollen, hot,
sweating, aching feet, inRrowing nails, corns
and bunions. At all druggists and shoe
stores. 25c. Trial package FREE by mail.
Address Allen s. Olmsted, LIE Roy, N. Y.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

The Best Prescription for Chi1ls
and Fever Is bottle OF Groves TAsTELEss
CHILL Tonic. tits simply iron and quinine In
atasteless form. No cure-no pay. Price, Soc.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

To Cure n Cold In One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money lift fails to cure. Csc.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
The Kidnaping Trust.
El2z2 l:l:l7sIx

"What have you done with the child?"
asked the chief kidnaper.
Just boxed his ears" replied the eighth
assistant accomplice.
'Good!" exclaimed the chief. "Now, ad.
dress the box to that yellow journal, and
sive clews to the whereabouts of the re-
mainder of the child for 10000, less two per
cent. for spot cash. STANDARD and Catholic
Times
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

In five minutes a woman can clean up Q
mans room in such way that it will take
him five days to find out where she put
things.-Berlin Herald.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
One STRIKE at Golf.

Good Man-Do you know what becomes Of
little boys that use bad words when they ard
playing marbles?
Bad Boy-Yepl Dey grows up an plays
golf.-Chicago Evening News.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

One thing people can't understand, and
that is how those they hate do so we'll in life.
-Atchison Globe.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

1 am entirely cured of hemorrhage Of
lungs by Piso's Cure for Consumption.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

Don't forget that silence is the mother Of
truth.-Chicago Daily News.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

Why is it that the servant always selects
your cut glass goblet to break instead OF q
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09
Lanes Family Medicine.

Moves the bowels each day. In order to
be healthy this is necessary. Acts gently on
the liver and kidneys. Cures sick head
ache. Price Is and Soc.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

Halls Catarrh Cure
IL taken Internally. Price 75c.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1899-09-09

SiOu " AudkC W you. MY Idtner once
did your father a grievous wrong, and I
have made myself the happiest fellow
in the world undoing it. However, as
we are not to have any secrets from
each other, you must know about this"
A look of establishment came into
Amy's blue eyes as she watched her
husband proceed to the closet, throw
open the door and go to rummaging
about inside.
what in the world are you looking
for, Harry" she asked, as he re-
turned to her side.
Pm looking for something that
doesn't seem to be there-the Gordon
family skeleton, Amy. For the first
time in Is years it is not to be found in
that closet"
just then O clanking tread was heard
in the hallway without, the door was
pushed slowly ajar and the skeleton
limped in, supporting itself on a crutch
and looking very much the worse for
wear.
There it isl" cried Gordon. whats
the matter with you, old chap? Here,
sit down. Iwant to make you acquaint-
ed with my wife"
The family skeleton dropped into
chair and shook until il ratified like a
score of castanets.
I'm done for" it groaned. you've
o.ed me, ycsng man. just dropped
in to say good-by forever. But don't
introduce me to your wife. We met be-
FORE"
That's so, Harry" said Amy. Il
know all about this family skeleton of
yours. Don't let it worry YOU, NV
DEAR" and she threw her soft arms
about his neck. LET the dead past
bury it's dead. If we are happy. isn't
that enough?"
Enough, yes!" and he pressed rap
turous kiss upon her fair cheek.
That kiss pronounced the doom of
the Gordon family skeleton. Forthwith
IT began to fade into the air, finally van
ishing and leaving not wrack behind.
Chicago Herald.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1899-04-13
ASSOCIATED CHARITIES.

The business men OF Honolulu, who
stand behind the charitable associa-
tons of the city, should take an active
interest in the organization of the AS
sociated Charities. These men are the
sufferers from any mismanagement IN
charitable work. AS the population or
the CITY increases there will be great
er need of a strict and honest super
vision of this work. Any temporary
set back in our prosperity will cast a
heavy burden upon the generous peo-
pie The meeting for the consideration
of the matter. which will be held this
afternoon at 3 o'clock in the rooms OF
the Safe Deposit Company, should be
fully attended.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1899-04-13

rich fellows cannot buy the things we
wish for the most. Coin has no value
outside Of the physical world. In the
spiritual world, which is our best life
it counts for little, and we. the rich
men, know it better than the poor men
do"
Cicero said many centuries ago that
He is rich who wants no more than
he has" But since his day neither
Church nor Bible nor philosopher has
made it common belief or taught us
10 be contented Ard in this day there
is as wild a scramble for riches as
when the Roman patricians. heather
as they were, brought the treasures of
the world to Rome, and received the
homage of the multitude, just as the
Vanderbilts receive it now.
But we are practical people, and say
with old Hutch" the great Chicago
grain Spectator, Let us honestly. de-
voutly, believe in the evil of riches. but
while We are doing so, let us corner the
wheat market for rise
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1899-04-13
TIMELY TOPICS
April 18th, 1899.

The cool weather we are having now
that after this cold snap is over we
may have hotter weather than ever we
had before. If this is the case, We
of keeping your butter and vegetables
fresh, and at the same time making
your ice bill a small item of expense.
If you are open for suggestions let us
mention a few things about our
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1899-04-13
A|oSk0 Refhg|Q|O|S.

We can honestly say it is the best
constructed refrigerator ever put on
the market. It will keep provisions
longer and use less ice than any other
made.
The inner frame is made from per-
fectly odorless wood, and is lined with
zinc, polished as bright as a mirror,
presenting very clean and attractive
appearance.
They are also supplied with Patent
Syphon and solid metal shelves.
Our space will not permit us to say
anything more in regard to this article,
so we would like you to call and in
spect them yourself. We have them
in all sizes and are from SIS to $500.
If you get more ice than your re-
frigerator will hold we would advise
you to get one of our
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1899-04-13

We have just received some very
pretty
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1899-04-13
DUE

Ask your family physician about the
water, and if he is honest he will en-
dorse its use.
All who have drank the water speak
in the highest of terms for it.
This climate demands the use OF
such a water and you cannot afford to
be without 1t.