Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-03-02

4
| What follows relates to the first
meeting Of the late Henry J. Byron
and Artemus Ward. 1t was at the Saw
age club after one of the Saturday din
ners, and Tom Robertson suggested 10
| Artemus to have "a tilt with Byron and,
| if possible, draw him out. The genial
| Snowman had only been in England q
few days. but he knew Byron's ''me-
| .ier" and went for him in this fashion:
Il fancy have seen a face like yourr
! before. Did you ever have brother
Alonzo:" Robertson was behind Arte-
mus and winked at Byron.
"AlGs, 1 had!' replied the drama
| fist, instantly catching the situation.
He was q mariner, engaged on the
deep"
That's So"
You haven't heard of him for fve
years."
Byron affected to be lost in reflection
and deliberately replied: Its five
years ago this very day. How curious
you should mention it, sir! -
"WelI, sir, - replied Artemus, taking
out his handkerchief and pretending to
wipe away tear, - sailed the salt sea
with yoar brother. We Were wrecked
together in the gulf of Mexico, and be-
fore help came | killed and ate hint
The moment l saw you l recognized the
likeness He was a good fellow, full of
tender feeling"
II am glad you found him tender"
interrupted ByrCn, also pulling out his
handkerchief
But, sir, l am awfully sorry ate
him, - said Artemus in the most imp6r-
turbable fashion. Had L known i
should ever meet his brother / am sure
I'd have gene without food some weeks
longer. But I was driven to il, and you
Will forgive me, won't you? I liked
Alonzo," and he offered his hand to |
Byron, which the latter shook with cor
dality.
Excuse my emotion, won't you?'
gasped Byron in his handkerchief. "He |
never wrote and told me what had be- |
come of him. I hope he agreed with |
you
= slight indigestion afterward. He |
was little tough" replied Artemus, |
but We'll not speak of that. We both /
suffered. He suffered most. But remem-
Der, sir, the law can't touch me now. |
1t was stern necessity, and necessity, as
you may have heard, knows no law. |
But l am willing TO pay you damages
for the loss. About what would you
think a fair compensation:'
Don't mention it, " said Byron, who
now thought it time to turn the tables.
II think your name is Ward:" said he.
Yes
"Artemus Ward:'
quite So"
lyon had father?''
II had"
He was n Yankee peddler in his own
country, was he not? Sold bug pizen
and fine tooth combs:"
You hit the comb--I mean the
nail-on the head"
He died in the black country of
England, did ne not?''
He did. "
"Well, I killed him. 1 knew you
were his son the moment laid eyes On
you. He was a nice old gentleman, and
made his acquaintance III Stafford
shire. He wished to go down Il deep {
coal mine; so did !, and we went down d;
together, had good time. explored,
.unched with the miners, drank more !
than was good for us and proceeded to
return to Mother Earth's surface. After
yuu have been down n mine you are
fond OF your mother, ! assure yOu. The
prodigal fels nothing to what 1 exps-
rienced. We entered the huge basket
and were being slowly drawn toward {
-he mouth of the pit when 1 saw the
Did rope was about to snap under the (
strain. 1t was perilous, q horrible, Il !,
critical moment. The weight of two
men was too great, and your father was I
, broad, bulky man. Self preservation
s the first law OF nature. An instant
more and we were both lost. We seemed
o be about 80 feet from the top.
l hastily called your fathers atten :
ion to omething-implOTed him, in :
act, to look down the mine. He did so, /.
md as l gently tipped him over he Went
and crashing to the bottom.
t was rough on him, but 1 saved my
elf. l ciPEered it out on the instant
ike this: He is all old man, nearly
aid, deaf III one ear, two teeth gone i'll L
rOnt, with only few years TO live. {
IN half his age, strong and healthy, 7
he father of a young family, with a /
areer before me, "a comedy TO finish for
he Haymarket auda burlesque accept '
d at the Strand. Now, 1 ask you, un- [
er the circumstances, did 1 not behave
obIy:'' o
Os u4u, YOU uIu' sobueA -A4tS- !
nus. II would have acted that way
myself. -
II am glad to find you so intelligent.
,ou ate my brother and found him
Ough, and / am the assassin Of your
ear old father, continued Byron. C
coping up the farce of pretended emo q
ion. I'VE are both avenged. Let % Il
raw veil over the past and never Il
llude 20 these beartrending incidents a
gain q
Agreed. We cry quits. Shaker &
Dared Artenus. extending 10th hands y
nd dramatically dashing flood of i'm
ginary tears from his eyes Then he