Morris tribune., 1899-04-29

II u
| I'll give you FIVE minutes to think over
| it,
During those five minutes / believe
that I explored thoroughly the lowest
circles of the inferno which it is per-
mitted man to tread on earth. And at
the same time / myself was watching
myself faltering through the dark laby
rinths of doubt, misery and utter de-
spair. I wondered, as Heatherlegh in
his chair might have wondered, which
dreadful alternative should adopt
Presently heard myself answering in
a voice that / hardly recognized:
They're confoundedly particular
about morality in these parts Give
'em fits, Heatherlegh, and my love-
Now let me sleep bit longer. =
Then my two selves joined, and it
was only l (half crazed, devil driven y
that tossed in my bed, tracing step by
step the history of the past month
''But am in Simla, kept repeat
ing to myself. II, Jack Pansay, am in
Simla, and there are no ghosts here
It's unreasonable of that woman to pre-
tend there are Why couldn't Agnes
have left me alone? never did her any
harm. 1t might just as well have been
me as Agnes. Only I'd never have come
back on purpose to kill her. Why can't
I be left alone-left alone and happy 2"
1t was high noon when / first awoke,
and the sun was low in the sky before
I slept-slept as the tortured criminal
sleeps on his rack, too worn to feel fur
ther pain.
Next day ! could not leave my bed.
Heatherlegh told mein the morning that
he had received an answer from Mr..
Mannering, and that, thanks to his
(Heatherlegh's) friendly offices, the
story of my affiiction had travelled
through the length and breadth Of
Simla, where was on all sides much
pitied
''And that's rather more than you
deserve" he concluded pleasantly,
though the Lord knows you've been
going through a pretty severe mill.
Never mind Well cure you yet, you
perverse phenomenon. 4"
I declined firmly to be cured. "You
have been much too good to me already,
cid man, - said /, "but don't think |
need trouble you further. .
In my heart / knew that nothing
Heatherlegh could do would tighten the
burden that had been laid upon me.
With that knowledge came also a
sense of hopeless, impOtent rebellion
against the unreasonableness of it all.
There were scores of men no better than
l whose punishments had at least been
reserved for another world, and l felt
that it was bitterly, cruelty unfair that
/ alone should have been singled out
for so hideous a fate. This mood would
in time give place to another where 1T
seemed that the rickshaw and | were
the only realities in wo9d of shadows;
that Kitty was ghost; that Manner
ing, Heatherlegh and all the other men
and women I knew were all ghosts and
the great, gray hills themselves but
vain shadows devised to torture me-
From mood to mood / tossed backward
and forward for seven weary days, my
body growing daily stronger and strong
er until the bedroom looking glass told
me that had returned to everyday life.
and was as other men once more. Curl
ously enough my face showed no signs
of the struggle had gone through. 1t
was pale indeed, but as expressionless
and commonplace as ever / had ex-
pected some permanent alteratlon-v1si-
BILE evidence of the disease that was eat
ing me away found nothing.
On the 10Th of May left Heather
leigh 8 house at II O'Clock in the morn
ing, and the instinct of the bachelor
drove me to the club. There found
that every man knew my story as told
by Heatherlegh, and was, in clumsy
fashion, abnormally kind and attentive.
Nevertheless / recognized that for the
rest of my natural life should be
among but not of my fellows, and / en-
Wed very bitterly indeed the laughing
coolies on the mall below. lunched at
the club and at O clock wandered aim
lessly down the mall in the vague hope
of meeting Kitty Close to the band
stand the black and white liveries join
ed me, and I heard Mrs. Wessington's
old appeal at my side. had been ex-
pecting this ever since came out. and
was only surprised at her delay. The
phantom rickshaw and went side by
side along the Chota Simla road in 81.
Ience. Close to the bazaar Kitty and
man on horseback overlook and passed
us. For any sign she gave might have
been dog in the road. She did not
even pay me the compliment Of quick
ening her pace, though the rainy after
noon bad served for an excuse.
So Kitty and her companion and
and my ghostly light O. love crept
round Jakko in couples. The road was
streaming with water, the pines drip
ped like roof pipes on the rocks below
and the air was full of fine, driving
rain. Two Oh three times found my
self saying to myself almost aloud;
'I'm Jack Pansay on leave at Simla-
at Simla-everyday, ordinary Simlal
muslin t forget that mustn't forget
that Then would try to recollect
some of the gossip / had heard at the
club, the prices of So-and-so's horses
~ foot fhof pro1ofod 10 &ho