The weekly intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1891-1901, 1899-07-29
BAD MAN sMUGGLED BRANDY.
Pet q Little Miik In the BOTTLES and
Labeled nem stomach hit
tiers. Hat suaered.


II have heard about the ghoulish,
gleeful malice Of the fraternity oi
United States customs inspectors. said
a sandy whiskered man. as be watched
the passing stream Of people On Canal
street. Il have heard Of the species
he said. 'but I never had occasion to eN-
perience them until last summer, while
! was upon a visit to my family in
Canada. was at a lovely summer re.
sort Just across the line, aud n day
| received a telegram which called me
to Louisville. Ky. | packed my grip
and started for the bridge, when l was
called back by a friend and taken aside
TO be given a couple Of bottles of the
finest old French brandy you ever
tasted. He said be wanted me to have
one bottle and 10 take the other to an
Acquaintance Of his in the Blue Grass
state. II was, Of course, a question Of
eluding the customs inspectors on the
American side, so l took the bottles
back Into the pantry and poured just
a little sweet milk into each. l knew
II wouldn't hurt the brandy. Then 1
got a couple Of slips Of paper. wrote
Stomach Bitters' on them, and at the
bottom OF each: "A ~wineglass full every
hour and then started on my way re-
joieing.
The inspector on the other side was
a particularly mean and vindictiye sort
of a misanthrope," continued the sandy
whiskers, "and / never did like his
looks. When | got on the state side |
found that an accident had happened on
the road and my train would be delayed
in starting six or eight hours. The in
speetor gave mt the information him
self, as he felt my pockets and asked
me questions. He finally came to the
two bottles in the grip, and as he I'M
wrapped them and looked at the labels
l never saw such q double-dyed vii
lainously triumphant CLEAN come into
any mans eye in all my life. Bout
time for you TO take your medicine,
amt itP he asked, with a saicker that
was simply venomous. protested that
| had a drink Of it just before starting,
but he insisted that / looked sick, and
gave me a broad hint that be would con-
iscate the goods If / did not do as he
directed. He had smelled the contents,
and also a rat. He was used to the
brand gulped down a g~lsssful and he
stood over me in repressed glee. 1t
made the tears come to my eyes, it was
so strong and so hot, but he didn't care.
Well, do you know, that s~oulless ghoul
came around TO visit me for six con.
secutiye hours that | remember! How
many more times he came ! don't know.
At the sixth glassful | felt like | could
shoot Niagara falls, and wanted to do
so, but he kept me there, and | didn't.
All | knew was when | woke up | was
In my bed on the Canadian side, with
my wife weeping quietly and bathing
my head and the children standing
around In awed silence. My friend
told me about II two days later. when
| had sufficiently recovered to hear any
thing at all. had been brought home
BY a returning friend and slipped in
the back way, but my wife Witnessed
the affair, and had ordered the trunks
packed for home going as soon as | was
able, took some liquor with me when
we did 60" he continued with a sigh,
but when we tackled that Inspector
! went down In my pocket and iorked
over the duty, | had had enough Of
prescriptions TO last me a lifetime."-
N. o. Times Democrat.