Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1899-12-23
JARONE K. JAROME ON CHRISTMAS.
CONTINUED from page 81

calling for them. He caused an es-
arrangement by giving an uncle OF Tor
tune contrivance Tor bathing when
travelling.
Back to the long forgotten debating
club of the name stormy Petreis,
! goes Jerome for a few pages to re-
count more Of the labor of two sea-
sons for the reformation of the Human
race. They had moved through the
abstruse and transcendental as shire
horse would wade into a sea OF fallen
leaves-autumn leaves that we of Ha-
wall know not. He was unable to re-
collect any proposal to abolish any
thing ever beng lost when put to vote.
When he came 70 think of It he whs
astonished to note that the House OF
Lords, the aristocracy and the crown
yet existed. These had been COM
pletely wiped out by the club in sim
gle evening and adjournment was only
for the purpose of giving select COM
mittee time to prepare a Republican
constitution to be adopted the follow
ing week for an immediate gift to the
people. Christmas was changed alto
gether, reconstructed In most radical
style, along with several other holl-
DAYS chucked in for good measure. To
relegate capital punishment and war
to the shelf of barbaric history was the
merest and lightest pastime. All TINS
was accomplished by the strictest ad-
herence to the rules OF debate, when
are the last rules to take cognizance
of the remotest chance OF humanitar-
ianism affecting humanity.
II was the publishers turn TO talk
again and he chung to his text with the
adhesion ripened by close listening ana
lot of a contrarywise attitude on the
part of the listener. The publisher de-
clared that there should be vast, but
what he thought would be particular
association that would be Kind Of
clearing house for the collection ahd
distribution of Christmas presents:
Give this agency carefully prepared
lists of the people from whom to cGi-
lect presents and OF the people to whom
to send. The idea might include birth
days and weddings. A firm could do
the business thoroughly and some of
the subscribers might even make
profit. AS there would be removed
much, IL not all of the home at:nUs-
phere of Christmas, the children would
be spared. They are excited for a
fortnight beforehand telling them
what a good time they are going to
have. overfed for two or three days,
given a bushel of trumpery each to
destroy and battle over, robbed of their
sleep and taken to see something they
don't want to see. The publisher goes
on to tell that he was always rs n child
taken on Christmas by his aunt to Ma
dame Tussaud's and the Crystal Pal
ace and had hated mem from the earli-
est days of his manhood bitterly and
constantly. Half the aunts time was
occupied In losing the youngsters and
the other half In slapping them after
they were found. The only thing they
enjoyed at all was the row with the
cabman coming home and this was the
jolliest of good fun.
Now the real defense and glorifica-
ton of Christmas comes from Jerome
and he makes his publisher first toler-
ant OF comment then responsive. then
melting and finally altogether In fullest
Fellowship, forgetful OF special editions
'ymposiums with tue falsity and trea-
son and bad taste or inveighing against
christmas on grounds or expectancy
Or any otner grounds. The JOY OF
christmas, points out Jerome, with all
the incident worry and fuss and in
:ongruity hghts the humDie nome, IL
lumnes the clouded countenance, re-
stores the RAIN OF those hammered
or weaned from the conventional: IL
sends the thrill OF love TO the abode or