The semi-weekly messenger. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1897-1908, 1899-02-14

Dispatcher keyes OF the Union fa-
cihc. who examines all applicants for
positions in the train service. has the
reputation Of being very particular in
the matter OF employing train men. de-
string only those that nave had consid-
cradle experience In that branch OF the
service The following Is a couversa-
ton said To- ave been overheard in
Mr.. keyes' office n short time since be-
tween that gentleman and an applicant
for a position as passenger.
Where did you come FROM"
From General Manager 81. John or
the rock Island"
What did you come here 60 do?"
It learn To subdue my energies and
improve the railway service"
Then you are a railroad man / In
fer?"
Il am so taken to be by all officials
that know their business"
How may l know you To be n rail-
road man."
by looking over my letters and ex-
aiming me in the signals, Try me-"
How will you be tried?"
BY the punch"
why by the punch?"
Because IL is an emblem OF honesty
and the principal working tool OF my
profession"
Where were you first prepared TO be
a railroad man.?
In my mind"
Where next?
Upon a farm adjoining the right OF
way Of a regular railroad
How were you prepared
BY brakeing upon a thrashing ma
chine for six months, after which 1
went to town and sought admission To
the train masters Office
How gained you admission!
by three cigars placed In the open
hand OF the train masters clerk
How were you received?
Upon the sharp gaze OF the train
master applied to my p~hysiognomy
which was thus explained-As IL is al
ways a source of great pleasure TO the
train master to receive callers, / hould
drop in and chat with him n little while
upon every occasion possible
How were you then disposed or?
Il was seated in a chair near the
train masters desk and asked II | put
my trust in safety coupling devices.
Your answer"
Not if / know myself. / don't"
What was then done with your"
Il was lead up and down the yard
three times TO accustom me TO the
noise OF the trains, thence to the chief
dispatcher"
How were you then disposed OFF,"
Il vas seated upon a brake wheel
before a train box, and caused 10 take
the following horrible and binding
OATH
Il. John Smith. do hereby and here
in most everlastingly and diabolically
swear by the great horn spoon, that l
will always remit and never conceal
any of the cash collected by me as con-
ductor, and that / will not cut, make
use, collect, or remit any cash fare less
than those found in the regular tarin
book
Il further promise and swear tina /
will not ~ a rfN m my train frAA anu
railroad mans wife, mother. sister.
daughter or widow. or permit any 9TH
er conductor to do so If j a prevent
it,"
II further promise and swear that /.
will freely contribute to all subscrip-
tons circulated To buy my superior OFF,
GERS a token Of esteem as far as he
may desire and my salary will permit,
to all OF which l solemnly swear, bind
ing myself under no less a penalty than
that of having my salary cut from year
to year, all my perquisites taken away
and expended for SAM ballast to put
under the Mckinley Extension where
the trains come and go twice in TWEEN
ty-four hours, so help me Bob Inger-
soil and keep my back bone stiff"
What did you then behold?"
The train masters clerk approached
me and presented me with a Bishop
Safety Coupling Knife and instructed
to take 1t TO the yard master. who
would teach me how TO use it,"
How are Bishop Coupling Knives
used p"
BY sticking then in the left hin
pocket with the blade turned up"
Mr.. Keyes here informed the appli-
cant that he was satisfied that he was
a railroad man and asked him IL he
would be off or from.
Il will be off from here il you will
give me a passenger train"
Have you any cigars? ?"
Il have"
will you give them to me?'
"That is not the name in which
got them and l cannot so dispose OF
them"
How can / get Nhem?"
Il will match you heads or tails for
Them
II will go you begin"
You begin"
No, begin yourself. you nave the
cigars"
Board"
"A"
All"
All aboard. You are O. K. Come
around tomorrow evening and IL the
road is not in the hands Of a receiver
L will send you out on No. Z. in place
of Conductor Mitchell. who recently fell
down while undergoing this examina-
tion."-The Wasp, Council Blum. Ia.
October, 1897.