The San Francisco call. [volume] (San Francisco [Calif.]) 1895-1913, 1899-12-02
VII. VISITING AND ENTER
TANNING.

antnropy and hotels are not doing away
with individual hospitality. The old
fashioned Quaker quarterly meetings
were abundant evidence OF the past gem
erous way OF crowding. but now IL =
often difficult FOR families with small in
comes 70 be as hospitable as people were
even thirty years ago. when single bed
rooms we're not deemed hygienic necsssi-
ties.
We do not take 70 hospitality naturally.
joyously, inevitably; we have 20 weigh its
pros and cons. We do not dare 10 invite
our superiors lest we seem arrogant. 30
we get conscientious and ask those whom
we do not want as a matter Of duty. But
when hospitality is thus branded and
when one IS invited as TO a philanthropic
caravansary scant pleasure IS felr by
either visitor or visited.
BE sure you never put guest room
20 rights TIL your guest has been gone
many hours" advised a well-worn host
ess. Why" l asked. Because she
replied, IT was so glad Mrs - had gone
that I was busting about her room,
changing the sheets. etc. when she re-
appeared, saying she had missed her
train. I suppose I must have shown my
dismay, for she told me she did not mind
sleeping in the same sheets one Eore
night as II would save washing, and that
she always took her own pillowcase
wherever she went from a labor-saving
regard FOR her entertainer" Not all Wis
itors are as frank. far-seeing and con-
sideI ate-tbat is, II Mrs. - were really
considerate.
II IS not merely the cost OF a guest
that has 20 be reckoned, but also the
amount OF time she consumes, since the
modern woman does not sit down TO talk
and sew. OF course. there are many
kinds OF visitors. Those with a hobby
know how TO take care OF themselves.
provided they do not lay every one else
under contribution 20 II. There Is the
shopping visitor from the country, let
her hunt for bargains BY herself There
is the aged or lonely relative with nerves
and feelings and the general utility Wis
itor whose services one uncOnsciously &C
cepts. and the gay young girl with her
trunk OF bewilder!ng vanitIes. who makes
yc happy Just because she is. and tire
celebrity visitor. whom the papers inter
view Each one Is 20 be entertained &C
cording TO her kind. but on them all rests
the same sense OF obligation. since II is
always an honor to be invited into any
body's home life. no matter how Simple
the home
A guest from the moment OF her arrival
till that OF her departure should know
when 20 speak and when not 70 speak.
when 70 10 and when not tu 40. when 20
apre ar ard when 20 disappear. There are.
I moreover two or three misdemeanors
which visitors OF high breeding never
commit-such as forming platonic fricn1-
| ships with ones host OF hostess when
STAYING under their roof receiving from
I or making offers OF marriage 10 members
OF the family. INDUCING IN lengthy moon
I light hirtations on piazzas or parlor tete-
a-tetes. gaping when one Is bored or I'M
posing upon or ignoring servants and for
/ getting 10 compensate them for spec al
personal service. and lastly. the misde-
| neanor OF icing unpunctual. Little awk-
/ Weaknesses are 10 be avoided and ex-
l plantations are always disastrous Above
/ all. the weIl-bred guest. after visit Is
\ ended. never gossips about the amusing
weaknesses OF the family IN which she
I has been either a welcomed or tolerated
\ visitor.
! or course. a hostess Is responsible ror
/ the good times OF her visitors and must
not calculate on leaving them alone too
\ severely. as each one likes 20 feel she
Z is OF some consequence. In olden days
\ visitor shared the family life. its Joys.
/ economies and work. To-day her hos
| tess may greet her on her arrival and not
see her again It'll s o'clock tea or late din
\ ner. and whether or not they may meet
more than casually at the breakfast table
.
the hostess for clubs and COMMITTEES
/ work. II IS much pleasanter 70 visit in
y and much easier 10 entertain IN a large
\ family where there are children who
I transform the house into a variety show.
/ than I'm a home where the hostess Is by
I herself. for a family nursery or grown-up
/ children make the delight OF visit
/ On a visitor in any kind OF a home.
wealthy. medium or economical. always
I - H.-
I self agreeable. 80 perpetual a bondage
I that many persons prefer the independ-
I ence OF a hotel TO being on steady family
dress parade Just be natural. say the
guidebooks anent visiting. All very we'll
II that means being always charming and
never aggressive. no matter how old and
privileged nor how youthful and de-
bonair one may be. Yet too often being
natural means being rude and selfish.
Said a polished hostess Of a voting girl:
She had so many resources within her
self and she was interested in so many
things that she was a delightful visitor;
she enlivened US when we were together
and she was never a weight on our minds
when she was alone" And another lady
remarked OF her visitor: He was so
thoughtful OF my comfort, so sunny In his
greeting that / knew I needed him all
the time"
10 the mutual relationship OF visitor and
host. There is as little sense in setting
households ajar by friction OF unassimil-
ating guests as there Is In being so ex-
I elusive that no one invites anybody TO
stay over night. Some people take apart
ments Just 10 condone their mental lack
OF hospitality. II Is often said that the
/ West is more easily hospltable than the
| East. II is II emphasis be laid on the adj
1 verb In making such a statement. Still.
/ throughout the country. II summer house
] parties and their like are expected, mod
I ern conventional demands, public duties
| and troubles with domestics have less
ened that ready. easy hospitality which
/ did not mind letting its affairs be known.
When summer comes, fortunately. We
\ relax our housekeeping rigidity and con-
| sent 10 fill our cottages with guests and
\ 10 drive three in a buggy.
I One very noticeable change IN the meth
/ DDS OF hospitality Is the extent 10 which
I Sunday has become a gala day. Unex-
/ pected guests are expected TO constantly
! happen in 10 lunch or dinner; girls are at
\ home in the afternoon 10 young men cali
/ ers: musicales are in order in the even
| ings.
stIlI. all this is different from the dear