The free press., 1899-06-08
JOKERS' BUDGET.
Jests and Yarns by Funny Men Of the Press


She was the angel of the street.
SO fairy-like and shy and sweet.
l always stopped to scan her face
And catch the dawnings Of new grace.
Sometimes I brought her sweet or
flower,
And treasured for pleasing hour
The smile she gave to me in thanks,
Like zephyrs ripping fowery banks,
But, ah, true friendship seldom
sticks
You see I'm thirty, she is six;
And how she got the garden hose
Is something that nobody knows,
But / came by-what did she do I?
She calmly soaked me through and
through!
EVIDENTLY PRosPERINa.
SIS your son succeeding in busi-
ness ?"
Il should say so. He has made
enough to have his photograph taken
sitting at his desk.
COMES TO THE SAME THING.
''What is there in this story about
the girl Gubbins is engaged to being
a millionaire ?"
''Not a millionaire; milliner.
"Oh, well, that is not so bad"
HOW HE TAKES 1T.
''How does your HNther like the
idea of taking you all to Paris next
year ?"
Every night he prays for another
French Revolution -
THE UNPLEASANT FEATURE.
II don't mind digging up your
flower beds, Harriet.
"Well, what is it you are making
such fuss about %
II don't like your standing around
bossing me where the neighbors can
hear you"
A THOUGHTFUL ANSWER
Whats the first step toward the
digestion of the food ?" asked the
teacher. Up went the -hahd of
black haired little fellow, who ex-
claimed, with eagerness:
"Bite it off Bite 1t off.
| MERELY AN OPINION.
Tonsorial Artist am using a new
kind o. .aving soap. Most of the
gentlemen that get shaved here say
it's the best I've ever had"
Customer-Well, that's merely
matter of taste.
GREAT CONVENIENCE.
'She says she thinks those horse
5ess carriages are great invention.
Indeed, they are"
eyes. There won't be any reins to
hold nor any horse to bother with,
you know"
MORE LITERATURE.
Magazine Editor-What novelty
have you for your department this
month ?
Cookery Editor-An article en-
titled "Outside Of One Hundred New
Dishes" by q well-known husband.
RECKLESS ExTRAvAGANCE.
Bank Director-Send for an expert
and have the cashiers books examined
at once.
Bank President-Why, what's
wrong?
Bank Director-I learn he has at
tended two church bazaars the past
week.
LITTLE MISTY.
'The boy is taking quite an interest
in music, remarked the young mans
mother. He has joined a musical
society in his college,"
'What does he do p
Il can't quite make out exactly.
By some reports 1 should judge that
he is singing second tenor, and by
others that he is playing third base. "
WHEN WHEY PoUTs.
II think - he said, "that my wife
has hallucination that she was once
rich or an heiress or something"
"Why so ?" they asked.
Because whenever she gets pro-
voked she insists upon saying that
never loved her. And yet married
her."
UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.
"And by the way, brother" asked
The minister who had been called in
to smooth the pathway of the expiring
pioneer, ''were all those bear stories
the truth {"
The old man opened his eyes.
"Parson, said he, ''that's mighty
mean advantage to take of a dyin'
man.
GOOD AT ARITHMETIC.
Lady lin employment Office: tAs
there are only my husband and my
self in family, | think you ought to
be willing to come for less than you
ask. There are only two persons to
cook for"
Domestic: "But, mum, when I'm
wild you there 'ud be three.
| Loved Science Moro Than Money