The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-04-06
Sforyeftes.

darkey home" When some boys got
on his roof and called out during his
prayer, he exclaimed: "Who's dar? -
The reply was: "The angel Gabriel come
to take you home" He became fright
ened and said: "Tell de Lord dat niger
moved away year ago."
OK o
George Washington" said the gentle
man with the green wiskers, "was buried
standing"
"And for why was George Washing
ton buried standing?" asked the gent
leman in the bald wig.
because said the gentleman with
the green whiskers, "they knew not how
to make him liew
1t was in one of the large downtown
restaurants that the short little woman
and her tall husband went to dinner
one night.
"Will you have oysters ?" asked the
man, glancing over the bill of fare.
YES" said the short little woman, as
she tried in vain to touch her toes to
the floor. "And, John, l also want a
hassock."
John nodded and, as he handed his
order to the waiter he said: Eyes, and
bring hassock for the lady"
zone hassock ?" asked the waiter,
with what John thought more than Or
binary interest, as he nodded in the
affirmative. Still the waiter did not
60, but brushed the table cloth with a
fowl and rearranged the article on it
several times, while his face got very
red Then he came around to Johns
side and speaking soto voce, said:
"Say. mister, | haven't been here long,
and Pm not on to all these things
Will the lady have the hassock boiled
or fried ?"-Chicago Chronicle
O&O
Lamson lives on the South Side. Car
ter, his arch enemy, lives next door.
Trouble has been brewing, and Lamson
was aching to give Carter "piece of
his mind" when he suddenly conceived
brilliant idea.
He bought a cheap dog of question
able breed and named him Carter.
Whenever Mr.. Carter was outside his
house, Lamson would let his dog out,
and standing on his doorstep he would
fire the following or similar soulful
talk at the canine:
Garter, you are cur. Your mother
had the mango. l am going to kick the
stuffin out of you, you miserable thing.
If you were not so hungry looking, l
would kill you. You amt even good
enough for sausage meat, you lopsided
cheap, good for nothing etc.
The neighbors wonder why Mr.. Car
ter does not have Mr.. Lamson arrested,
but Mr.. Carter has discovered the base
plot and will move next week Chicago
Journal
A little boy in Missouri town Was
required to write an essay the other
day. "The Newspaper was the subject
and here is the result:
Il don't know how newspapers came
TO be in the world. | don't think God
does, for he hain't got nothing to say
about them, and editor is not in the
Bible. l think the editor is one of the
missing links you hear about, and
stayed in the brush till after the flood
and then came out and wrote the thing
up, and has been here ever since. |
don't think he ever dies. | never saw
a dead UNI; and never heard of one get
ting licked. Our paper is a mighty UNI;
the editor goes 'thout underclOthes all
winter, don't wear no socks, and pa
hasn't paid his subscription in five
years."
The following extracts from hot
sermon are credited to cOlOred divine
from Georgia.:
81 dunno how hot hell is en- | wants
ter say right now dat dey amt no
curiosity in my fambily."
Ode reason de rich mems don't carry
dey gold wild en- ter de next worl' is
kase de knows"
OXO
Those who have first gazed in dismay
and then laughed, at their own distorted
reflections in concave or convex mir
ror, will appreciate an amusing occur
renee lately witnessed at menagerie
Here and there between the cages
were placed trick mirrors which ref1ec-
ted distorted image An Irishman,
after critical survey of the monkeys,
had wandered away from his better
half, and suddenly found himself in