Owingsville outlook. [volume] (Owingsville, Ky.) 1879-192?, 1899-04-27
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HER REGRET.-Said papa to his
little girl: 81 hear you we're bad
today and had to be spanked"
Small daughter-"Mamais is awful
strict. II had known she used to
be q school. teacher 1 would have
told you not to marry her."-Ex.
WHAT WOULD SHE HAvE2-
Tescber-You are painfully slow
with your figures, Tommy. Come,
now, speak up quickly. II your
father gave your mother a fifty
dollar bill and a twenty-dollar bill
what would she have2
Tommy-A fit.-Harper's Bazaar.
ONLY CHANCE. - Mrs. Peck
Henry, 1 wish you would break
yourself Of the habit Of talking in
your sleep. It's very annoying"
Mr.. Peck-"But, my dear, you
surely wouldn't deprive me Of my
only opportunity, would you?"-
Stray Stories.
wITTY.-Ladies are witty, as the
following cOnundrum propounded
at one of their club meetings will
show: "What is the difference be-
tween honeycomb, a honeymoon,
and pretty girl?" Answer: "A
honeycomb is small cell, honey
moon is a big cell, and pretty girl
is O damsel."-Ex.
Nor ALwAYs.-A story is told Of
man who stammered badly and
went to an institute where they
uiaieIsuch cases a specially, His
infirmity was SO bad that even the
expert in charge was aghsst, and
finally could restrain himself no
longer. "My good man." he ex-
claimed, "do you always stammer
like that?"
10 o-o-o-oh, n-n-n-n-no," gasped
the visitor, "o-o-only when 1
t-t-t-t- talk. ."-Ex.
SAVED TRIPs.-A new postofflce
was established in a small western
village and a native WAS appointed
postmaster. After awhile com
plant were made that no mail was
sent out from the office, and an in
specter was sent to inquire into the
matter. He called upon the post
master and asked why no mail
had been sent out. The psstmas-
ter pointed to a big and nearly
empty mailbag hanging up in a
corner, and said: "Well, I amt
sent it out cause the bag amt no.
where nigh full yet."-Ex.
A New GAME LAVA doun-east
editor has drawn up these new
game laws which he wants adopted :
"Book agents may be killed from
October l to September l; spring
poets from March l to June l um-
brella borrowers from August l to
November 1, and February to
May l, while every man who ac-
cepts a newspaper two years, and
upon being presented with his bill,
says, 81 never ordered it," may be
killed on the spot, without reserve
or relief, and buried face down.
ward without benefit Of clergy
Exchange.
WANTED A PENsIoN.-The follow
ing letter from Georgia was recent
ly forwarded to the war depart
ment:
"Dear Gover'mint: Sir-Would
you please release our John from
the army? He's one o. these here
volunteers what didn't have no
moro sense than to git in, an he's
been in six months, an hain't had
nary leg or arm shot off yit; an
onless we gifts pension for him
right away we want him to come
home. We can't git along on his
salary; what we needs is a pen
sion."-Ex.
THERE ARE OTHERS. - Every
editor has received these little
cards. The postmaster sends them
to the editor. The postmaster is
not to blame. For instance, there
was a man by the name of-well,
say Tim Spriggins, who sent us
three notices to stop his paper; he
didn't want it any longer. We won.
dered what was the matter. Upon
examining the subscription book
we found Tim short $40. He had
never paid cent, and yet he STOP
ped his paper as a matter of econ
omy-to US. He didn't want it to
lose any more by him. A few days
afterwards Spriggins was at church
and his melodious tenor rang out
loud and clear in the old stirring
song "Jesus paid it ALL" We might
have been mistaken, but his earn
estness impressed US. So the next
day we sent him a receipt In full,
begging his pardon for not know
ing that he had made an assign
ment of his liabilities to the Lord
l-Ex.