Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1899-08-10
JOSEPH'S 2:37 HORSE.
AN EQUINE GOLD BRICK THAT MADE
A GREAT RECORD.
The Interesting History of n slight

II never could miss horse deal" said
ono of the former proprietors of the Gut
tonberg race track with n chuckle of sat
isfacton, but my last venture was a Jim
dandy. / was driving along the pike
about five miles from my country home in
New Jersey when an old farmer know
poked his whiskers over his fence and ask
ed if didn Z want to buy an ancient plug
which he held by halter to keep from
falling down. / stopped, of course, and
examined the stecd There were about SO
worth of meat on him, IS worth of vital
ity and cents worth of speed. 1 didn't
exactly see what I could do with such
monumental wreck, but the horse trading
passion grew strong within me, and 1
said:
elbow much for the equine gold brickT
Thirty dollars, returned the farmer.
"'For how many l asked politely.
"'This is selected stock; comes one in
box, was his rctort.
"I'll give you $l0,' said I, and no
questions asked
Let's divide the pot, he said Call
it 500, and this beautiful mbletonian
is yourn.
swell, liked the farmer, and liked
his sporty talk, and as | had spent some
previous time in dalliance at the road
house money had ceased to look as lovely
as usual. So l gave him the $50 and led
the four legged graveyard home l kept
him on grass for week or two and no.
ticed that he began to pick up a little
form. This also attracted the attention
of q coal black gentleman whom / employ
on my place as valet to tho cows and less
or stock. Ono bright dewy morning no
shullled up and said;
" Boss, what 70 taak TO- de new hosp
Does some benevolent association
want to buy him?' l asked. The black
| gentleman grinned till his teeth looked
| like monument builders exhibit at
| worlds fair
No, sab, said he Abs lookin TO
| hosshesh TO IN self.
But this is q very valuable animal,
Joseph, snid / reflectivcly, and his posi-
| bilities in speed are unlimited. The only
thing that worries me is his impossible
ties. should think 500
'Ah'n give yo' $50, boss, broke in
Joseph. 'Cawn't spare no more'n dat
| "A kind heart and generous, noble
nature have always been against me in
matters of commerce, so / sold the nag to
the black gentleman for his half century
| and dismissed the transaction from my
mind as unworthy of regret. But few
days after he came around to discuss his
| puiohase.
Boss, said be, Abs pow'ful sorry
TO yo'.'
What's the matter with meY' asked.
Am sick AGAIN.
'Yo' done will be wen yo' heahs de
news, he answered Boss, dat $50 boss
yo' done sole me goes in 2:37!
" Don't, Joseph, said l, panied beyond
expression at this evidence of decadence.
Remember Ananias and what one puny
little effort did for him.
" Fact, boss; deed hit is, he insisted
Then he called a runt of an African who
had recently appeared in the neighbor-
hood to come and back up his assertion.
'Two-thuty -seven's his time, sah,'
said the runt, pulling out handsome
stop watch, which he explained in some
confusion had been presented to him by a
lady friend for being good. Me an Joe
done had him down to the track an trotted
him round in yo' ole sulky in dat time,
sub, 'cordn to de watch.
" If that is the case, Joseph, said I, I
am willing to buy the animal back at q
comfortable advance. Looking at the
horse now in n charitable light, perceive
that his days are numbered and will soon
| be tabulated on cold cold stone. You
may touch me for $50 and I'll take the
animal off your hands
But the low down African grinned.
4" Bid him up, boss, said he. Abs
used to auctions
Joseph, said I, you grieve me deep
ly. Would Aou for the mere greed of filthy
gold restrain the hand of benevolence? III
give you 500
'"Moneyll have t. talk louder'n dat
boss, said the pervcrse one. Once mo- ;,
eff 20 please.
'"Seventy dollars, then, II you're good
"'Dat's A b G, boss. Sling some good
old diction'ry langwidge wild free tigahs
in hit.
well, before l got through with Jo-
seph he ran me up to 1928. Then | start
ed over to the track with him, his runt
friend with the stop watch and the bony
old glue pot filler of horse to witness a
performance before paying my cash, The
track in question is an abandoned bicycle
course which l overhauled as sprinting
place for my own horses and the horses of
my friends When we arrived, the two
black gentlemen hustled the nag into an
old sulky. Joseph mounted, and the fu-
neral procession moved up the course.
Tho runt pulled his stop watch and / con-
suited mine. Joseph piled the whip and
let his record breaker out for all he was
worth, which appeared to be about as
much as goat hitched to "a canalboat.
by and by, as tho sun went down and
the moon came up, Joseph and his horse
came under the wire.
Whats dc timer he asked his sable
friend expeotantly. A smile of triumph
split the runt's face in half
He done hit in two-thurtysi an er
half, he answered, and l laid my weary
head betwe cen my hands and laughed till
1t hurt me,
"'Wha' TO- yo' laugh boss?' asked 10.
soph, coming up to receive the expected
tl25. Am yo' glad t. git him so cheap
Joseph l said when l caught my
breath, IN not deprive You OF your thor
oughbred unless you insist, and in that
event must alter my figures. Instead OF
$l25 have not the heart to offer you more
than $l.25.
"'Fo' de Lawd's sake, bossl What's de
mattah wild yo? gasped Joseph, pop eyed
with establishment. Didn't he go round
de track In two-thuty six an er halfY'
"'He did for fact, Joseph; no did,
said l.
"'Don what's wrongG' he demanded.
"'Nothing, Joseph, absolutely moth
ing, | answered; only this happens &c
be half mile track.
And both black gentlemen fell down
in the dust. New York sun.
stem In CrIme