davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

When one gets in trouble his
past becomes as prominent as
pumpkins just after the corn has
been shocked.
In case there ever should be-
come a shortage Of MSS. for the
front page, the editor can instruct
the steward to give the boys a
mess Of fish. This graft is only
resorted to in crisis, and black
bass is always desired to produce
good results.
We may just as we'll expect a
fish to submit without struggle
when hooked, as to suppose that a
dishonest Office holder will lose
his nerve when told to git.
Of the four insane persons
rounded up in New York, three
were fool-killers looking for Andrew
Carnegie.
IT justice ever gets so much as
one eye open in Paris, there will
be number of military officials
who will wish that they had re-
NAMED tied to their mama's apron
strings.
A fisherman, at the mouth of
the Mississippi, speared sturgeon
which had a bill over two feet in
length. Her fshlets must have
just stepped out of a bargain store
when caught-that is, if the size
Of the bill is to be considered.
To some men, even their grand
mothers false hair is a temptation
to steal.
Whenever a grand jury brings
in a batch Of secret indictments, it
is the most marvellous thing of the
age to witness the rapidity in
which lordly man turns over his
wealth to his spouse.
There is a printer in Iowa who
has just lost his nose in street
brawl. Whenever that compo goes
in to see the editor about a word,
he can't say chat it is as plain as
the nose on your face
Although a block is square, one
must 60 round to get to the oppo-
site side.
A detectives sharpness is usu-
ally borrowed points.
o o o
Gossip mongers, like the pro-
verbal tomcat, put up a mighty
howl when things are coming their
way. By things we mean a blow
from the shoulder, or horse whip,
or little tar and feathers.
900
A cobbler was arrested in YER
mont for acting rather strange at
window facing his rich neigh
boris. In court he explained that
he was at the open window pray
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08
PASSING EVENTS.
BY HANS MILLER.
!
II

ing for the wind to blow in his
direction, so he could inhale the
fragrant smell of roast chicken, as
he hadn't tasted any for three
years.
Detectives are very seldom ar
rested. Nevertheless one has just
been fined in Kentucky for pound
ing a hobo's head almost to jelly.
His lordship, with the sangfroid of
a judge, admitted that temporary
insanity caused him to think that
the hobo was a sheephead, and
that he wanted the lucky stones.
w. J. Bryan is adding planks to
the Chicago platform at the rate
of two day. Grover says it's only
the shadow of those he put down
two years ago.
The yellow KID tried to get
off a joke at our expense last week.
We want to tell you right here
that the kid couldn't get cock
roach off his neck, even though it
was blind in one eye and hadn't
seen any hash for a week, saying
nothing about a joke.
A doctor wishing to cure a
patient Of nervousness, requested
him to smoke two cigars day
The doctor is being tenderly
cared for, while Pat, the patient,
is still carrying brick to earn
enough to keep the grim specter,
Poverty, from his door.
One of the boys up in the keep
quiet cells" gets riled occasionally,
because he thinks Mark Hanna is
trying to set up poolroom in his
head. Considering that he is an
anti-goldbug, we can't blame him
for objecting.
At divorce trial out in Mon
tana, four persons including lady,
stretched their necks forward so
far that one could see their liver.
This remarkable occurrence hap
pened while the prosecuting at
torney was reading a letter from
the defendant to his wife before
separation.
The time one receives from
Judge, shortens life and sours am
bjtion.
Hobson's facial expression wears
about the same woe-begone look
as does defeated bulldog over
bone. He is contemplating knock
ing at the door of public sympa-
thy for reinstatement, so he can
again claim a few shares of
emotional vibrations. Old boy,
your meteor-like fight across the
states has furnished your achieve
ment to such degree as to make
it almost as worthless as an old
dish rag with a hole in it. Better
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

Mr.. J. Fl. Duclos, accompanied
by numerous friends presumably
passed through The MIRROR
Office on Monday.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

Deputy Warden Alexander has
been confined to the house a
couple of days this past week by
one of those pets that Job is said
to have found comfort in.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08
MOVEMENTS OF OUR POPULATION

Total population, 523.
Males, 513; Females, 10.
Discharged during the past
week, 3.
Received, l.
Grade standing as follows: first,
1868; second, 143; third, II.
John Driscoll, St. Louis Co.,
grand larceny second degree, one
year.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

Those who have come to think
that 'Peck's Bad Boys" Pa is
dead, will find themselves mistaken
if they read the columns of Peck S
Sun, which has lately been re-
juvenated. There is all of the
old time humor and variety and
we welcome it as one of the best
of our exchanges.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

OOO Ou d uOW navy. D0Clc1 1uVcSt
it in ivory soap-it floats and will
go farther towards civilizing the
country.-Alexandria Citizen.
I wonder every time I see a
woman enter a wine room that the
Lord doesn't throw a cloud over
the sun.-Arkansaw Thomas Cat.
All you have to do is to think
a thing is all right and it is all
right When God made the
monkey it was never intended it
was to occupy places of trust yet
they think it all right. - Lake
Crystal Union.
And now a railraod company is
suing a Texas man for going to
sleep on the track and derailing a
train. And it appears that no
man is in court to answer the
suit.-Spring Valley Sun.
When a man starts down hill,
people seem to take an interest in
letting him 60, out Of curiosity,
to see where he will land.-Arkan-
saw Thomas Cat.
Gen. Weyler refuses to hazard
his life by visiting the United
States. He is afraid somebody
will put ground glass in his oat-
meal, or send him a wild hornet
by mail Grafton IN. d. Record
"You can't make a silk purse
out of a sow's ear" but you can
get molasses out of a hogshead.-
l.. A. W. Bulletin and Good
Roads.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

Request:-Wi any person who
has in their cell a little book
entitled sabbath Reading" send
it to the dollhouse keeper so that
William Verrill may get it.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

E. G.. Coffin, warden of the
penitentiary at Columbus, Ohio,
offers a cash prize for first and
second best original poems by the
inmates. That's encouraging.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

We are in receipt of a letter
from the secretary of the State
Board of Charities and Corrections
of Denver, Colo, in which he
speaks encouragingly of The MIR
RoR. He desires also to get in
formation first hand about jails,
prisons, warehouses and houses of
correction. Those who have such
information and will write it up
without bias or prejudice we will
be glad to print it.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

stay where you are Hob. The adj
ministration has sufficient employ
ment in getting up elaborate peace
jubilees and keeping the copper
heads in the back allies, without
being embarrassed by a sideshow.
Somebody has limited that the
Filipinos were Gods chosen peo-
pie. If this is true, Old Saint
Peter must have hired an assistant
to help swing the gates to let
them in during the past few
months.
A newspaper man can recognize
delinquent subscriber with the
same accuracy as a pocket gopher
locates hill of planted corn.
y -
One of the Cubans who refused
to take the proffered Is ''bucks,"
was tarred and ridden on a rail by
others that did. Instead of spill
ing their blood he thanked them
for the ride and wanted to know
why he was thus honored. That
man will make a good senator.
The rainy season must have
set in during the past ten days.
Like prohibitionists, everybody
had to take water.
Sec. Alger will soon visit the
lumber region in Minnesota. Many
a mothers heart would today be
gladdened if he had taken to the
woods some time ago.
It's wonder that the ungratful
Cubans didn't send in bill for
damages for disturbing the atmos-
phere with cannon balls.
If Du Patty de Clam resembles
anything like the cartoons now
running in the press, why even
the bootblacks ought to have
known that he was the arch
demon back of the whole conspir-
acy.
A scientist predicts that Chicago
is gradually sliding into Lake
Michigan. If there is anything
that Chicago needs, it is a good
wash.
The Philippine Commission at
Manila are giving a series Of balls
to Empress" the natives. From
latest reports the boys at the front
are also giving them a few balls.
The Fitzsimmons-J effries fight
takes place at the Coney Island
sporting club June 9. Bad blood
exists between them, and it is
expected that Jeffries will punch
enough hair off Fitz's scalp to fill
a good sized pillow.
Fun" is printed in New Orleans
and if its success is only equal to
it's gall or nerve, it will soon be
the leading paper Of the U. S. On
the front page of the issue of June
3rd, there is a verse which was
cribbed from The PRISON MIRROR.
It is signed "Dick Croker" Now
the one who Gifted" that verse
from The MIRROR and robbed
some poor fellow Of the credit Of
having said something amusing
doubtless considers himself much
| better than convict. AS for our
selves we offer no opinions, and
leave our readers to form theirs.
The profession of lawyers has
just been increased by fifty three
i
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

CHURCH NOTICE.
Services in the Prison Chapel at 900 O'Clock
every Sunday morning Protestant and
Rev. S. j. Kennedy. and Rev. FIR. CORCORAN
chaplains.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

PRISON OFFICIALS.
MANAGERS.
B. F. NELSON, President Minneapolis
EDWIN DUNN EyOta
F. W.TEMPLE, Blue Earth City
A. WEISS, Duluth
DAVID BRONSON, = Saltwater
RESIDENT OFFICIALS.
HENRY WOLFER, warden
T. w. ALEXANDER, Deputy Warden
GEO. BIXBY. Clerk
B. j. MERRILL, Physician
MISS MARY MCKINNEY, Marion
8. j. KENNEDY, Protestant Chaplain
CHARLES CORCORAN, Catholic Chaplain
PRISON AGENT.
F. A. WHITTIER, st. Paul.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08
BASEBALL.

Standing Of the clubs in Western and
National Leagues June z.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

The Board of Managers met
Tuesday.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

An exchange says Dom Paul is
making a circus of himself" per-
haps because he so frequently puts
his head in the British lions
mouth. Post.
There are two kinds of women
in this world; one kind sits and
signs silently about her wrongs,
and the other storms and raves
about her rights.-St. Louis Flu
morist.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08
WESTERN LEAGUE,
$40 k2XeX6lSxs

Spain is going to spend $50, OOO,-
600 on new navy. Better invest
it in ivory soap-it floats and will
60 farther towards civilizing the
country.-Alexandria Citizen.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-06-08

I wonder every time I see a
woman enter wine room that the
Lord doesn't throw a cloud over
the sun.-Arkansaw Thomas Cat.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
Missouri Pacific Railway Time Tabt
at Butler Station.
K. @. Pittsburg & Gulf Time Tab,

Arrival and departure OF trains at worlana
NORTH BOUND.
No. ] Express daily .................. l:tTp.m
NOS " ...,.......,...... 4 100 ., n
No. 9 Freight daily except Sunday i2;l5p. n
SOUTH BOUND.
No. Through Port Arthur Express, 2:li p, N
No. Shreveport Express. daily ...l0.3tp. n
No l0Freight, daily expect Sunday. i;ls pm.
Remember this is the popular short line b.
tween Kansas city, MO. and Pitteburg, Kan,
Joplin. Mo, NeOsho, Mo, sulphur spring.,
Ark, SLOAN Springs, Ark, ana the direct
route from the south 90 Sc. Louis, Chicago,
and points north and northeast and 10 DenEef,
Ogden, San Francisco. Portland and polnh
west and northwest. No expense has been
spared to make the passenger equipment oi
this line second 10 none in the west, Travel
via the new line II. c. OKH
GEM Pass. Agt., Kansah City, No,
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
Startled by Shsfler i.

Chicago, April 19.-Clergymen of
many prominent churches in Chicago
are arranging for public mseting
to protest against a war of externi.
nation against the Filipinos. They
have besn rudely shocked by Gen
Shafser, who stated in an intervisw
here:
The Filipinos can't see the good
intention of this government, aud he
never will until we subjugate him
with powder and ball. I have said
bsfore that it might be necessary to
kill half the population of the islands
in order that the remaining half may
bs lifted from their semi-barbarity
to the civilization We are ready to
give them.
At the contemplated meeting of
ehurchmen resolutions will be ADOPT
ed protesting against the war now
being carried On by the United
States in the Philippines.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
Mad Dogs Roam III large.

Marshall, No, April 20.-It is
reported here that mad dogs are
numerous in the vicinity of Aullville,
and that large number of cattle,
horsss and hogs had to be killed.
One $50 st Bernard, after being
chased ten miles by three horssmen,
jumped over into e yard where a
little girl was playing, licked her
hands and face, fell in fit at her
feet aud was shot A decree has
gone forth there to kill all dogs.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
FATE OF THE CAPTURED.
No Positive News from Dewey's Ma
rinss Has Been Received.
POSSIBILITY OF A RESCUE.

Manila, April 19.-(4:35 p. NJ
Admiral Dewey has been notified OF
the strange disappearance of j. @.
Gilmore and fourteen members OF
the crew of the United States gun
boat Yorktown. On Saturday last
the Yorktown anchored off Baler, on
the east coast of the island of Lu.
ION, and about 200 miles from here,
where there was Spanish garrison
of about fifty men, which had been
defending itself against several hun
dred Filipinos for months past.
Lieutenant Gilmore, Ensign w.
n. Standby and boats crew were
sent up the river from Baler bay to
communicate with the Spaniards,
the town of Baler being situated
some distance inland. Ensign Stand
ley, who landed at the mouth of the
river, reports that he heard three
volleys, bugle call and cheers from
up the river, but that the automatic
gun which was part of the equip
ment of the boat was not heard
firing, Standby later padded to the
Yorktown. in a canoe. A search was
made for the Yorktown's boat, but
no trace of them was found and the
Yorktown sailed for IIoilo, from
which place her commander cabled
to Admiral Dewey his theories that
the Filipinos had captured or sunk
the boat or that the Spaniards had
rescued the American party.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
VIEWS ON IMPERIALISM.
BY w IL. Bryan In a Letter to the
Fresno, (Cal.) Evening Democrat

by :" ID bryan IN LcIe~A ~
Fresno, (Cal.) Evening Democrat
Fresno, Cal, April 1--WE. j.
Bryan has written q letter to the
Fresno Evening Democrat giving his
views on imperialism. The letter 10
as follows:
Mr.. Marx r. p. LASTED, Fresno,
Cal.-Desr Cir: In answer to your
request for an article on the Philip
pine question for your paper, l re-
gret to say that the pressure of work
upon me at this time makes it I'M
possible for me to write at length.
Mr.. Mckinley annsunced in his
Boston speech that the policy Of the
govern msnt respecting the Philip
pines was in the hands OF the Amer
lean people. 1t is a question which
the people must settle, and much
depends upon it's settlement.
think it can be shown from
pecuniary standpoint that it will
cost us more to conquer the Fill
pinos and keep them in subjectisn
than we shall be able to make out of
the enterprise, and what money does
return from the Philippines will act
fad it's way to the pockets of those
who supply sons for the army, and
whose taxation furnishes the sinews
of war. It also INVITES Oriental ina
migration to compete with American
labor.
But there is higher visw to take
of it than the money view.
The principle of conquest is
wrong. Our nation has steadily COZ
tended against it and it is impossl-
BILE TO calculate the far reaching
effect upon our people of a doctrine
that would substitute force for rea
son in the declaration of the nations
policy. Those who oppose imerial-
ism plead not for the Filipinos, but
for the American people. Our nation
is strong enough to do harm, but it
ought to be too great to do wrong.
feel confident that the sober
second thought OF the American
people will sustain those who be-
lievs that the Filipinos should be
treated like Cubans, namely: given
their independence and protected
from outside interference. Very
truly yours, W. j. BRYAN.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
FIlipiH0s Claim Capture.

London, April 19-Ths Filipino
European junta claims to have re
ceived a cablegram from General
Luna, commanding the Manila dis
trict, direct from Manila on Friday,
declaring that General Lawtop,
whsae object was to proceed to
Balsr and effect junction with the
Yorktown" was iRveigled by the
Filipino tactics iAto 'psrilously ex-
tending his line, with the result that
a column consisting OF 40 Officers
aud men, on reaching a place called
Binangonam, was ambushed by o
large Filipino force communication
with the main force was cut off and
the entire column was captured"
The Filipino advices further as
ssrt that General LawtoB, who was
at Laguna de Bay, on hearing the
news, retired to Manila. stating
that he hsd been recalled by Major
General Otis on the ground that a
native rising in Manila was immi.
nsnt."
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
ADMIRAL KiMBERlEY'S APOLOGY.
Miss Large Was Little and Mrs. Little Was
Large, and That Made Trouble.

Large, and That Made Trouble.
New York San.
In the recent bombardment of
Apia and adjacent parts of Upelu in
Samoa, the women of the London
Mission offered TO nurse the wound
ed. 1t is really DO new thing, for
there has never been any trouble in
Samoa when the women of the Mis-
sion have not bsen foremost in this
good work. Then years ago, when
there was much greater need Of such
service than there has been this year,
the most helpful of the Mission
nurses were Miss Large and Mrs.
Little. Through one of those dis
pensations by which providence
shows that it is not devoid of
sense of humor, Miss Large was
mere dot of a woman, while Mrs.
Little was carved In those statuesque
proportions which some of the Eng
hsh women assume after passing the
slimnsss of early youth.
This complicated matters for Ad-
niral Kimberly, who was constantly
meeting the two nurses. He rsmem-
bered the names but ne matter how
hard he might try to place them
properly he would assert them in
the order of comparative dimensions
and address Miss Large as Miss
Little and Mrs. Little as Mrs Large
Miss Large had the saving grace to
appreciate the comedy of the situa
ton, but Mrs. Little never could get
it through her head why there was
any reason short Of American inso-
lence to women why Admirrl Kim
bsrlsy should so greatly mislay her
name, At last one day she felt that
she could endure the studied insults
no longer and sought the Admiral
with the intent to have it out with
him, because she thought that the
labor of mercy in which she was en-
gagged should entitle her to consid-
ation. She laid her complaint before
Admiral Kimberly, one of the most
exact of the practitioners of fine old
naval courtesy to women. He heard
her through without interruption,
and then offered this statement by
way of explanation or apology, as
she might choose to consider it:
"Mrs. Little, were you less large
should have no difficulty ia remem
bering that you are Little, but you
yourself must acknowledge that
large as you are it il little hard to
call you Little. You know that Q
large care rests on me, aud 1 have
little time for a little matter like
this. Bear with me a little, and
you will see what is largely respon-
sible for my seeming neglect to re
call your name. When 1 meet you
and your excellent colleague, Miss
Large, recognize you Immediately,
Mrs. Little. But now that you have
called my attention to my unfortun.
ate error, I shall not make that
blunder again. All that I have to do
is to fix it in mind that Little is
large and Large is little, and there.
fore if call the little one Large and |
the large one Little I shall be all |
right Thank you 50 mucn for set
ting me right"
And Mrs. Little told her friends
that the Admiral was a very exhaust
i've thinker.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27

There is no pain or discomfort when
Tabler's Buckeye Pile Ointment is used.
1t relieves that itching increased by
scratching. 1t is prepared with scientific
accuracy and professional knowledge,
and IS the kind that cues blind, bleed
ing, itching and protruding piles with
no pain or loss or time. TIL. L. Tuck
er's drugstore.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
Mrs. GIIfiIIan Gets 81, 900.

Carthage, No, April 20-Ths
trial of John D. McCrillis for dam
ages for $4,000 in favor of Mrs.
Cora GiIHllan for the killing Of her
husband last December closed last
night, but NO verdict was rendered
until noon to-day, when the jury an
nouncsd their finding for the plain
tiff in the sum of $4,000. The case
was watched with interest, both
sides expecting a more favorble YER
dict. Defendant will file a molten
for = new trial and prepare for an
appeal 10 higher court.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1899-04-27
Administrators Notice

Notice is hereby given, That letters OF ad-
ministrstion on the estate Of 5usannsh Pearson
deceased. were granted IN the undersigned on
the Let day OF April, lsss, By the Probate
Court OF Bates County, Missouri.
All persons having claims ezsinsfsEld estate are
required 10 exhibit them for allowance 20 the
administrator within one year after the date Of
said IstteTs, or they may be precludsd from
any benefit Of said estate; and II such CT aims be
not exhibited within two years from the date
of this publication, they shall be forever
barred. This 81 day OF April, 800.
7. s. HODGES.
2.-ft Administrator.