davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1899-01-19

Heavy Tragedian-"Do you let apart.
ments to-ah-the profession?"
Unsophisticated Landlady-"Oh, yes
sir. Why. last week we had the per.
forming dogs Punch.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1899-01-19
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL
AND SELECTED.

4 Variety OF Jokes-albss .nd Ironlss
Original aud Selected and
Jetsam from the Tide OF Hunor-
Witty Sayings. 70
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1899-01-19

What to her was this nights conquest:
What the flowers and success?
For the modiste disappointed-never
sent her satin dress.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1899-01-19

Men, my brothers; men. the workers.
when the world has used US rough
Round our hearth we strap our armor~
women are of softer stuff.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1899-01-19
disappointment and Triumph.

disappointment and Triumph.
Dark the theater, hushed the music, for
the play is Ger tonight,
And the actress. driving homeward, sits
with lips compressed and tight.
Roses red and white and yellow litter up
the carriage space
Tributes to her matchless acting-yet
tear slips down her face.
What If hundreds did applaud her-
what if we'll she played her part?
People were like driven cattle-could they
read woman's heart?
All the loves that night she'd acted-an
the hates and hopes and fears
Filter through her tired brain cells
come out purified as tears.
Men, my brothers; men, the workers.
when the world has used US rough
Round our hearth we strap our arnor~
women are Of softer stuff.
What the flowers and success?
FOR the mcdiste Observation-Disclosures
sent her satin Dress
Never sent the dress she'd hoped for
trimmed with pansies down the side:
Jewel trimming on the shoulders. round
point sixteen inches wide!
Well she knew that with that dress on
Solomon in all his pride
Couldn't hold a candle to her-ah, no
wonder that she cried!
Then she smiled-for on the morrow.
when the papers told her hits.
She would go to that old modiste and
wO1l1a the htSI
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1899-01-19

A Possibility.
She with a sigh)-"I see that Miss
Astor is to marry duke?"
He--"Oh, we'll, l wouldn't waste any
sympathy on her. Who knows? She
may love him.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22

The whereabouts of Lieutenant John
NJ NealI, the defaulting military Off
Ger wAose disappearance caused such a
furor in social and military circles, is
still more or less Of mystery, although
his friends have employed detectives
and are still active-in their search for
the missing officer. The suicide theory
which at first was considered the cor
rect one by the missing mans friends,
has been abandoned. There is little
doubt that Neall is alive and in hiding.
His friends are anxious to find him and
make good the amount of his pecuia-
tions. His wife denies having had any
communication with her husband since
his disappearance, and General Comp
ton says he has received no word of
Neall's whereabouts.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22
Great Uiniment.

DR.. Benton's liniment, which affects
man and beast alike, is the grandest cura-
tive liniment ever manufactured in the
world. You have but to use it once and
you will never use anyother. If
For good cigar go to Joe Johnson's
drug store, Fox block, opposite Capitol.
For RENT-Two rooms, one up stairs
and one on ground floor. Terms reason
able Inquire at Steinmetz's drug store
You are sometimes at a loss to know
what you really want in the shape of a
boot or shoe and when you can get it you
make no mistake when you call on Ed
Burlington. He has got the best of them
and always at reasonable prices.
Don't neglect to buy one of those s. tC
s. so capes that S. B, Cohen is selling now
for 81 80 cents each.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22
py-wEsz.rE-T-r-rr,---,.-----------,.--r..,-y,-, -y,-,r

ment. Without health, all the talent, all
the genius, and all the ambition in the
world are worthless. boy should be
taught that success in any walk of life, that
happiness, and life itself, are dependent
upon his care of his health.
When a man feels that he is losing his
health and vigor, when his cheeks no long
er glow, his step is no longer elastic and
the sparkle of health is no longer in his
eyes, he should work less rest more and
resort to the right remedy to restore his
bodily vigor. DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery is natural medicine-a scientif-
ic medicine. 1t does no violence to nature
1t works with and not against nature. 1t
promotes the natural processes of secretion
and excretion. 1t imparts vitality and
power to the whole system. 1t gives
plumpness and color to the cheeks sparkle
to the eyes steadiness to the nerves.
strength to the muscles and the animation
of health to the whole body. It makes the
appetite keen and hearty. 1t is the great
blood maker, flesh builder and nerve tonic
and restorative. Medicine dealers sell it
and have absolutely nothing else "just
as good"
q was afflicted with pimpes and boils and
S. Vert, Esq, of No. 6I5 Galloway Ave, Colum-
bus Ohio. Il took DR.. Pierces Golden Medical
Discovery and Pleasant Pellets, and was cured. "
Constipation is the commonest beginning
and first cause of many serious diseases and
it should always be treated with DR.. Pierce S
Pleasant Pellets used in connection with the
Discovery" These are the most perfect
natural laxatives and permanently cure.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22
Between the Feasts

While relaxing from turkey and plum
pudding Christmas dinners, read from
the new books of Kipling, Weir, Mitch
ell, and Harding Davis; or listen to the
Belle of Honolulu" or other breezy
pieces of music. The New Year should
be introduced to friends and lovers by a
dainty and suggestive calendar or book
let. For these call at the up-to-date firm
of Cagwin & Noteware.
P. s. Toys for sale at greatly reduced
rates.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22
Piute War Claims

Not included in the Omnibus bill, have
upon the motion and action of Senator
Stewart, been referred by the US Senate
ment.
All persons in any wise interested in
any Of said claims are requested to write
in reference thereto to the undersigned
who fully understands same, and has haG
much to do with them during many
years last past. JOHN MULLEN,
Attorney at law.
No. 1910 Connecticut Avenue, Wash
iDgton City, d. c.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22
War

The prices on furniture for the holiday
trade are being slaughtered and cut
from head to hyde. Anyone intending to
purchase should embrace this Opportu-
nifty and cali at kitzneyer's furniture
store between now and New Years he
will sell regardless of cost, just for
fuls
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22
News for the Legislators!

All the s. F. and Sacramento Dailies
and Eastern Illustrated Papers-also
Roberts Rules of Order and other Parli-
amentary Authorities for sale at Cagwin
& Noteware's Stationery Store
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22

If you want to please lady or gentle
man friend call at Kitzmeyer's furniture
store and select nice comfortable rock
er or chair, writing desks, book cases
also a fine line of bamboo furniture at
prices that will compare with California
catalogues. d1ltj2.
If you think you can guess the winner
in the senatorial contest, you can't guess
what kind OF weather we are going to
have. Better rig yourself up with good
warm clothing at the Pioneer Clothing
Store, County Building.
The old Cap, Avery corner has been
renovated and refitted with the finest of
liquor and cigars, also the Rushstaller
gilt edge beer will be kept on draught at
cents a glass. The place will be manag-
ed by H. n. Blackie. I'd
In spite of the war with Spain C. w
Friend continues to handle the best of
imported cigars.
Perfumes. Purses and fancy goods at
The Thaxter Drug Store.
If you want the best Painter makes
them. Baby pictures a specially.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22

-.L L. -','
,-. ,
hro-oL t,,o., - - a..,i ~ ".
bm+ a. IT, - o.o ". .-a., u ~
;,,,e,o+toat ~ sl.o o''I L-na1s li.o,1.
~ T l'Ui az w. ! " d iicIl
- al " I'd oOS9
- OH !, you! son
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22
Three Great War Books.

The war with Spain complete to date.
The great pictorial war atlas and remi-
niscences of the war by all the prOmi-
nent participants.
P. N. HANSEN, City.
Morning appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1877-1906, 1899-02-22
Furnished Rooms,

En- suite or single, or for housekeeping
Apply at Mrs. Cary's, east of the capitol
d13Im.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31

teach In the school, the church, at the
bar or through the press. To do this In
the right way they should use the
short words which we learn In early
life and which have the same sense to
all classes Of men. The English Of our
long words are found, and they always
hurt the verses in which you find them.
Take that which says, % We generation
Of vipers, who hath warned you to fee
from the wrath to come? There Is one
long word which ought not to be in it
namely, generation In the old YER
sion the old word brood is used. Read
the verse with the term, and you will
feel it's full force: o ye viper's brood,
who hath warned you to fee from the
wrath to conner Crime sometimes
does not look like crime when 1t Is set
before us in the many folds Of a long
word. When a man steals and we call
1t 'defalcation,' we are at loss to
know If 1t Is a plumber or crime. II
he does not tell the truth, and we are
told that 1t is case of 'prevarication,'
it takes US some time to know just
what we should think of 1t. No man
will ever cheat himself into wrongdo-
ing, nor will he be at loss to Judge Of
others If he thinks and speaks Of acts
in clear, crisp terms. 1t is good rule,
If one Is at loss to know If an act Is
right or wrong, to write 1t down In
short, straightout English"
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Cause and Effect.

Several years ago the inmates Of a
small respectable dwelling house In
Philadelphia discovered upon the white
washed wall of one of the rooms the
likeness Of a human face, which faded
and returned again. The neighbors
came in to view the wonder. Other
faces appeared and vanished. Crowds
throngcd the house and street, and ac-
counts of the mystery were printed in
the daily papers.
1t was to no purpose that scientific
men insisted that the figures were
caused by moldy growths which came
and went with the dampness and that
the likeness to the human face was
imaginary. The house was pronounced
by the public to be haunted, and the
owner was unable to find tenant for
it for years.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Sothern md Laura Keenc.

While in New York and before he
had made any hit, the elder Sothern
had dispute with Laura Keene con-
corning some trivial affair at a re-
hearsal, and Miss Keene went into one
of her tantrums. After the quarrel on
the stage she retired to her dressing
room and. still angry, sent for Sothern
and began to rate him tiercely.
"Stop, Laura-stop just minute!'
Interrupted the comedian and advanc-
ing to the light deliberately turned 1t
down.
"What do you mean by that. STRIP
she demanded in rage.
ooh, nothing" replied Sothern, 'but
you have always been so lovely to me
that can't bear to look upon your
beautiful face when you are in pas
sion. Now. go on."-San Francisco
ArGOnaJt
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31

Thru IT Wac n Murder.

Rochester, July 31.--,rhe finding Of the
body of an unknown woman at Oklaho-
ma, little resort on 1rondequoit bay,
has started the officials at work to solve
the mystery. Several clews were found
which point to the theory of murder
rather than suicide. Chief Hayden said
that he had reason to believe that the
young woman was murdered. Three
men called ON him and stated that they
We're fishing in the bay near the place
where the body was found at II o'clock
last Thursday night and saw q man aud
woman walking along the path. Shortly
efterward the man was seen riding his
bicycle along the path alone. The au-
tops, reyea led shat death was caused by
drowning. 1t is regarded as improbable
that she was accidentally drowned, as the
water where the body was found is on
ly three feet deep. There was mark
on her cheek near the left side of the
mouth which indicates violence. There
is also cut near the knee Of the right
leg. Her identity is still unknown.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Paid Is Cents to Hug His Wife.

The maddcst man in Platte county
lives at Humphreys. He attended o
social. and during the evening tho
ladies inaugurated hugging bee, the
proceeds to go to the Sunday school
Prices were graded according to the
person Rugged. For instance, for hug
cling u young, inexperienced girl the
bidder had to give up ten cents, mar
ried women brought Is cents and
widows quarter. Well. the man was
blindfolded and, giving up 15 cents,
he said he would take a married
woman. After he had Rugged Is cents
worth the bandage was removed from
his eyes, and, 10 and behold,he had been
hugging his own wife! Then he kicked
and wanted his Is cents back.-Colum-
bus (Neb.) Times.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
No Ghosts Could Fool Him.

A naval officer who held a civil EN-.
ployment at Rhode Island during the
American war Of independence and
who was Of remarkably spare, skele-
tonlike figure was stopped by sen.
tinel late one night on his return from
q visit and shut up in the sentry box,
the soldier declaring that he should re-
main there until his officer came his
rounds at IL o'clock.
"My good fellow" said Mr.. W, Il
have told you who am, and really
think you ought to take my word"
ut will not do" replied the soldier.
II am by no means satisfied"
Then, taking from his pocket quar-
ter of a dollar and presenting 1t, "Will
that satisfy your"
"Why, yes; think 1t will"
"And now that l am released, pray
tell me why you detained me at your
post?"
81 apprehended you," said the soldier,
''as deserter from the churchyard.
Mirror.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Americans Aiding Rebels.

Washington July 31.-1nteresting de-
velopments are expected within the next
few days regarding the source of Agui-
naldos supply of arms and ammunition
and the American who furnished them.
While the officials of the state and navy
departments manifest the utmost reserve
on the subject. it is known that 1ncon-
testable evidence is in the possession Of
the authorities which will cause the con
fscaton of the American steamer Pasig,
now detained at Manila, and that Fred
erick W. S'utterle. formerly Of Phladel-
phia, will have to avoid countries having
extradition treaties with the United
States. Perhaps the scandal will affect
other Americans of hitherto good reputa,
though their connection with the affair
may not prove criminal.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
A FEAT IN GLASS BLOWING.
The Trick Which n Russian Sprung
on the Experts.
Emperor Nicholas wished to illumi-

on the Experts.
Emperor Nicholas wished to illumi-
nate theAlexander column in grand
style. The size Of the round lamps to
be used for the purpose were indicated
and the glasses ordered at the manu-
factory, where the workmen exerted
themselves III vain and almost blew
the breath out of their bodies In the
endeavor to obtain the desired size.
The commission must be executed,
that was self evident, but how?
A great premium was offered to the
one who could solve the problem. Again
the human bellows toiled and puffed.
Their object seemed unattainable,
when at last a long bearded Russian
stepped forward and declared that he
could do 1t; he had strong lungs; he
would only rinse his mouth first with
little water to refresh them.
He applied his mouth to the pipe and
puffed to such purpose that the vitre-
GUS ball swelled and pulled nearly to
the required dimensions, up to them,
beyond them.
Hold! Hold!" cried the lockers on.
"You are doing too much. And how
did you do it all?"
1.-THE matter Is simple enough" an
swered the long beard, "but first, where
is my premiumw
And when he clutched the promised
bounty he explained.
He had retained some Of the water
in his mouth, which had passed thence
into the glowing ball and then, becom-
ing steam, had rendered him this good
saryiiee-CC,iiiiiCc aagg0 Inter Ocean.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Dias May Visit Princeton.

Princeton, N. j., July 81.-Charles
Gordon, chairman Of the committee OF AZ
sangements for the Chicago day celebra-
ton to be held Oct. 8, has written the
mayor Of this place requesting him to
make ready an invitation to President
Dias OF Mexico to visit Princeton In Oc-
tobeS. Mr.. Gordon is assured that Pres-
dent Diax will consider a formal invita-
tion to visit the United States and the
celebration. Should he accept the invita-
ton the committee will take him by spe
cial car to the most prominent cities In
the country. The town council voted to
invite him here on Oct. %, the one hun
dred and fifty third anniversary of the
founding OF the university, the probable
day that will be fiyed for his welcome In
Princeton when he visits the United
States.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Miles to State His Case.

Washington, July 31.-The Post says:
General Miles will ask Secretary Root
for speedy decision as to the relations
existing between the general comman Ing
the army and the secretary Of war. He
is now preparing his side Of the case,
which will be submitted to the new sec
rotary. The condition which has existed
In the war department since the cam
paign IN Porto Rico is reviewed, showing
that General Miles, while the major gen
eral commanding the army, has had tile
or no voice in TIE management of affairs
Of the army. and it IL stated that with
the incoming secretary he hopes the pres
ent condition will change"
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
splintering the Speakers Desk.

When Samuel ]. Randall was speaker
Of the house he proved himself an ar
tistic and scientific desk spllnterer
During the Forty-fourth congress, when
the electoral vote was counted and Mr.
Hayes was declared President, Mr.
Randall pounded the top Of his desk
out Of shape three times. Employees OF
the capitol who do the repairing Of fur
nlture assert that there never has been
speaker who did not leave the desk
at the close Of a session in bad con-
dition, but that Mr.. Reed succeeded In
splintering 1t more effectively than any
other speaker.-Pittsburg Dispatch.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
To Meet the Tenth Pennsylvania.

Pittsburg, July 31.-The western Penn
sylvania reception committee left here
Saturday for san !7rc nttsna to greet the
Tenth Pennsylvania regiment on its DIS
emharkation at that port The commit
tee is composed Of prominent "ity off ials
and representatives Of every daily news
paper in western Pennsylvania. The
committee Is empowered to receive the
returning soldiers in the name of their
home people and offer them free trans
portation to this city, where a grand re-
ception will be accorded them on their ar
rival. Arrangements are making for an
unprecedented gathering of relatives and
friends here from the entire section from
which the regiment was recruited. en-
bracing all Of the Pennsylvania counties
west Of Greensburg.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Hobart Gives a Cln,nbnke.

Long Branch, July 31.It isn't often
that a vice president Of the United States
gives clan1bake, but Carrot a. Hobart
did that same thing Saturday, and if the
opinion of his many guests has any
weight Mr.. Hobart scored a triumph.
The bake was given at Green Gables
Pleasure bay. The place was decorated
gnyly, and music was furnished by a
string band. Among the guests of Mr..
and Mrs. Hobart were General and Mrs.
Russell A. Alger and Frederick Alger,
Mr.. and Mrs. Hobart futile and Mr. and
Mrs. Edward A. Walton.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
A Good Memory.

"Excuse me, sir, but haven't we met
before? Your face is strangely famil-
lar"
"Yes, madam, our host introduced us
to each other Just before dinner"
"Ah was positive l had seen you
somewhere! never forget a face
Harlem Life
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
E.r1rns l!HrCp Wins.

New York, July 31.-The 100 mile
paced race for the championship of
America at the Manhattan Beach bicycle
track was won by Burns Pierce of Dos-
ton, the present holder of the 100 mile
American record. He failed, however,
to beat his own record Of 3h. PIN.
Al lbs. finishing in Oh. 27m. 2-5s. The
stiff breeze blowing across the track
probably lessened the champions speed.
Frank Waller, the grand old man Of
cycling" was second, finishing In Oh.
441n. lbs Elkes was third and Miller
Lost
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Alrnnmt Criminal Neglect.

Here" said the statesman who hau
been temporary chairman OF the con
vcntion, I'D like to know what kind OF
party organ you're running anyway"
why" the editor asked. what's
wrong?'
''In your account of the proceedings
speech as a ringing address! -
Chicago Tlmes-Herald.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
McDufne'a New Record.

New Bedford, Mass, July 91.-Eddie
McDufIie, champion middle distance rid
or of the world. broke the worlds mile
record on the Buttonwood cycle track
Saturday afternoon, making the mile in
1:2S. This is the first mile ever ridden
under 1880, motor paced. McDuitie re-
ceived the plaudits Of 5000 spectators as
soon as the time was announced. There
was intense excitement as the rider sped
over the mark at the finish of his record
breaking mile.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31

dfnculty Tcsrored 70 ronsclousness AFTER
q hard hours work over her. Fortunate
b the members Of the Rochester Canoe
dub, who were taking a cruise, were In
the neighborhood, and, upon hearing the
cries Of frantic appeal for assistance,
started for the scene and acted as life
saving corps, rescuing many people who
otherwise would certainly have been
drowned.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
SHORT WORDS.
Here Are Some, and They Are Right
to the Point.

The following paragraph on '"The
Use of Short Words" is attributed to
Toratio Seymour. 1t practices what it
preached therein, since there is no
word in it with more than two sylla-
bles, save such as are quoted for pur-
poses of illustration:
1--WE must not only think in words,
but we must also try to use the best
words and those which in speech will
put what Is in our minds into the
minds of others. This is the great art
which those must gain who wish to
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31

*Daily. )Daily except Sunday:
Wagner Parlor Cars to Boston and N. I.
GWagner Sleeping Cars to Boston and New
York.
For detailed time tables consult folders.
&. l.. Pierce, IL. A. lodge,
Genersl superintendent, Traffic Manager.
Il. II. Mckeever, Gen. Pass Agent.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
PinninE Him Down.

He-I believe that man should let
his acts speak for themselves.
She-Am | to understand then that
when you took my hand in yours last
night you intended it as a proposal Of
marriag e?-Chicago News.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31

The laws of Mexico provide that
Mormon who wishes to take second
wife must present certificate signed by
his first hplpmate to the effect that she
Is willing and he must also have the
express consent of the second wife and
har. l,Grnntc
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31

Osmond-Wcll you've never seen
me run after people who have money.
Desmond-No; but I've seen people
run after you because you didn't have
money-Baltimore Jewish Comment.
Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-07-31
Literally.

A Chicago woman had her husband
and her pug dog cremated and the
ashes placed in the same urn, and the
esteemed editor of the Lost Creek
Tyre regards the transaction as "a dog
gone burning shame."- Denver Post.