The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-01-05

A st. Louis paper says that the Dec
laration of Independence is only a
string of glittering generalities. A re-
vised version will be in order.
IS
A working girl in Binghampton, n.
Y, served 25 days in the workhouse for
"scorching." The news dispatch adds
that she is the first woman to be thus
disgraced for that offense IN the state.
1t does not, however, state how often
the state has been similarly disgraced
by simians who cling to the bench with
the thumbs of their feet.
Xxx
An epidemic of kidney diseases seems
to be ravaging the inmates of the in
sane asylum at st. Peter.
Xxx
Mr. Penwarden of Duluth is candi-
date for sergeant at arms of the legis-
lature. Thus accident sometimes di-
reefs the properly named person to the
right place.
Xxx
[ have received circular from a
manufacturer of firearms, by which
he offers to send THE MIRROR any
reasonable quantity of artillery in ex-
change for advertising. Some people
don't really know how funny they can
be until they hit upon it by accident.
*
AnatOle Diebler, the chief executive
Of France, has resigned. He had, by
means of mechanical continuance.
made 437 people each a head shorter.
The papers say there never was mis-.
hap at any of his executions, although
1 rather imagine that the people who
lost their heads would consider that it
was serious mishap
***
Rear admiral is perhaps a desirabl lie
title, but it doesn't fit George Dewey.
He is essentially front admiral.
***
Considering the amount of actual
lighting the late skirmish with Spain
has produced larger crop of heroes
proportionally than any similar event
since Leonidas held up the Persians at
Thermopylae.
Xxx
The lady editor of a Western news
paper got married a short time since.
and used the fact as an excuse for only
issuing half sheet that week. She
promised that some future issue would
explain matters.
A cablegram informs me that a
sewer over in Paris burst recently. 1t
was probably clogged up with secret
dossiers and bordersaus and things.
TX
From the number of times a certain
Minnesota eX-pOlitician has been slated
for things it would seem as though he
would soon be able to go into the roof
ing business.
Xxx
There is no lie in IIo- lilo, or it would
have been taken long since by the
Standard 1lO Co.
~
The attorney general of Ohio is try
ing to make the petroleum magnates
let loose, but up to date he seems to be
way down in well. Howeye r, there'll
come time some day.
Xxx
The latest dodge to be worked by
bribed public prosecutors, who refuse
to prosecute, is that the "complaint is
not made in good faith
The Cuban brigands formerly in-
surgents) are continuing in business
under the starspangled in the same old
way.
~
1t is said that PATHS new husband
elect was poor Swedish nobleman
who kept a massage establishment.
Perhaps he lk)needed her dough.
Xxx
History repeats itself. Carthage was
again destroyed few days ago. This
time it was in New York, and the only
pun,ic war in sight is being waged by
the alleged humorous hash publications
in New York
Xxx
Many a man is ruined by beeing too
kind and generous. 1t is mostly the
kind that are too kind hearted to refuse
themselves drink.
.*x