The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-11-20
pJLLORY FOR TALESMEN.
MIN ANYTHING LIKE THIS EYER HAP
PES AROUND HEREs

raider tho Court Windows for Panic
stricken Paneimcn ma They jump Out to
F.cnpe Public Crucinxion rs Ignoramnses
Tho scene 10 Q court Of Justice in the city Of
New York the time. last week the occasion,
. murder trial OF considerable Importance and
.,ill more public curiosity. In tho foreground
.presr nm able assistant for the prosecution
,nJn sgal light for the defence A wan and
reary Judge sits upon the bench-occasion-
,lly upon the able assistant and the legal
usht. In a corner OF the jury box is huddled
ono JUROR weeping bitterly for loneliness
and wondering how no got thers. In the wit
mass chair talesman Is discovered. looking as
n he wished he hadn't been. Officers and
.r.c,ators are crowded in the room. The
operation In progress IL that OF securing jury
10 ali I'm the Aforesaid murder trial which shall
oome up to the requirements OF the two law
yers
Tho Able Assistant addressing tho talesman)
Now. sir. you pretend to be a sensible man |:
you have defined celery. turpen tine. Inference
With two RS. henn with two ms. periphery.
rohay pluribus unum. 90 tahedron and other
word. without q knowledge Of which person
is no,oriously incompetent to try even minor
c,se. but we still have our doubts as to your
attitude on the merits OF the case. Let me ask
ron this: Is your psychological integument
,uflciently pachydermatous to obviate the po-
fcntiality OF the percolation OF irrelevant sense
ptrccrtions
The Taesman-I-I-I hardly thlnk-that Ia.
I-l-l-
The A. A.-Your Honor. I ask that the tales
man he directed to answer this simple aues-
lion with the same directness with which It 10
asked.
The Judgs-Ths question seems somewhat
involved | would suggest that It be put in
easier form.
The Taesman tfaintly III you could give 1t
tome one word at a time and very slowly
The A. A-Challenged for general disability.
Your Honor. we must have men Of sturdy In
tel,rrt in this case. Next
The talesman leaps out OF the chair. vaults
the table Of counsel. and rushes for the door.
leaving his ovcrcoat and umbrella behind. nor
can he he persuaded to return for them. so
court officer carries them TO him with con-
cratula,tons on his escape. His place Is taken
by another victim whose pockets bulge sus-
rlciousIy After he has ideytiied himself the
Legal tight tackles him.
The L. Now, sir. will you give US your
views. briefly expressed. upon transubstan-
tlat.onal metam psychosis?
The Talesman-Certainly. In Just moment.
He hauls small volume from one pocket.
studies Il for a moment. returns IL, brings out
another casts that aside with an exclamatio
Of disgust produces a third. makes n note from
N H. and after coming fourth which he draws
from his coattail pocket. assumes an express
sion Of dismayl
IN, T. We'll. sir; proceed. I must con-
tes, nat don't understand this method and
regard It as suspicious 70 say the least
The 1alesman--l got on the track OF that
frs word all right. but the other is a tough
proposition. | can't ind II in my German lex
icon. my French dictionary. or my Spanish
handbook II you would tell me what
The l. L. angrily Honor. this is an
outrage. That man should come into this
court designing to hide his ignorance behind
load Of dictionaries Is too much. and ask that
this talesman be committed for contempt Of
court. So hsnous an offence here he makes a
sweeping gesture and knocks three volumes Of
the encyclopedia of the table u the floor.
George to his assistant. get MI those book
marks back IN the right place or we'll have to
ask for an adjournment Your Honor. chal-
lenCe this talssran for
rhe Taesman- Hold on. I've got IT, Why
didn't you tell me 1t was Greek in the frst
place.
The l. THAT will do. sir. You are tortu-
nate in being permitted to 20 free.
several other talesmen come to the stand
the other OF the lawyers with slungshot words
unit! natty man Of Enthusiastically foreign ex-
traction takes the stand
The l. L. after the usual questions OF iden-
.Hcitiont-You are Frenchman by birth.
understand
The Taiesman-Oui. Monsieur
The L. but you speak English
The Ta!esman-Spik Angleesh7 Moi! All,
hut pariaitement!
The L. l.. consulting his enclycopedial-
Would the IuStaposition OF inherently incom-
Ia'ib.e circumstances in the testimony initiate
against a proper location on your part1
The Talesman with ferocious glarel-Sare.
you min TO eensolt me7 DO you know who
Get ees 10 who you spik? Moi. Jean francois
Fmile-Hen-
The L. Lob. tut Can you answer the aues-
tom
The Talesman lcutchinR at his hair in frenzy
-Tut MOP Tut By re soul OF my
The L, L oh. challenge this man.
The Talesman-iou challenge me1 Your
sare. you delight me- / send you two friends
M ifhf Aha We meet by 70 tomb OF zs
hrherale Grahnt Tomorrow MORNING, est
ce rast Aha treem your weetskers wiz my
The frenchman leaves after making a low
bow 10 his Antagonist and four talesmen fol-
owing on ne stand are put out IN quick suc-
, ,I1.sIon by r. nrst three questions ared at
then takes the stand and the Able Assistant
gir,!s himself for II. fray, The elderly person
descrlbes hlmself as a philologist.
The A. A-What would you understand By
an Intellectual coaptation OF evidential frag-
would you
The 4 4. northumberland you pretend to
Dc scholar.
The ,Talcsman-That Ia no reason why I
ttnOull be held up as a target for verbal pot
h1Mttrs 70 IRE at with q blunderbuss.
me A. Al demand the protection Of the
court against insult.
The /" Ii unite with my learned opponent
10 a'klng that such impertinent witnesses as
ms b" suppressed.
The Judge-The effort OF the lawyer for the
Prosecution TO choke the talesman to death by
iaulming down his throat such AN agRlomera-
Vnn o' Y7rhosity IL culpable.
No Lone Juryman ito a court offlcsrI-Iord
Help uSA all; the Judge has caught II from the
lI,WYrrs Did you hear that: 'agglomeration
Tho \ A. returning to the chargel-As a
5htheii"hl thcOretician, would you consider
thhI rNierlOri2ed emOtionalism would tend
IhWl'lldnty to an Ohstupefaction OF ideation?
he laesman Ltlrmlyl-I decline to answer
4, ~" A. \. the l.. l.. and the Judge tsimu-
Hnrouslv' On what ground1
Il" Ihl"Sman-On the ground that the Ques-
"TH Intended 10 incrlminate and degrade me.
NJ u" Judge he point Is we'll taken and the
II" Lone Juryman tsobbing as the tales
man ret res with all the honorS OF Warl-Take