The National tribune., 1899-03-16
shorty Has Tour of Duty Orderly at
the Generals Headquarters.

Well" said the General, after he had
| listened 10 Shorty's story, and questioned
| him Il little, you are all right now. I'll
| take care Of you. The Surgeon says that
! you are rot fit to go back to the front, and
Will not be for some time They have got
more sick and convalescents down there now
than they can take good care of. The army S
gone into Winter quarters, and will probably
stay there until Spring opens, so that they
don't need either of u.s. Pll detail you as
Orderly at these Headquarters, and you can
90 back with me when do"
Il s'pose that's all right and satisfactory"
said Shorty, saluting "It's got to be, any
way In the army 4 man with a star ON his
| shoulders got the last say, and kin move the
previous question whenever he wants to. /
never had no hankerin' for a Job around
Headquarters and now that I'm Korprl
ought to be with my company. But they
need you worse'n they do me. and I've
noticed that you was always as near the
| front as anybody, 80 / don't think III lose
no chances by stayin' with yOn."
Il promise you that we shall both go as
soon as there's any prospect OF something
worth going for, :" said the General, smiling.
''Report there to Wilson. He will instruct
yon as TO your duties"
Wilson's first instructions were az to
Shorty's personal appearance He must get
a clean shave and haircut, 4 neck-tie, bOx
Of paper collars, a pair Of hite gloves, have
blouse neatly brushed and buttoned to his
throat, and his shoes polished
. Dress parade every day" asked Shorty,
despairingy.
Just the same as dress parade every
day" answered he Chief Clerk. Don't
want any scarecrows around these Head
quarters. We're on dress parade all the
time before the people and the other soldiers,
ard must show them how soldiers ought to
appear You'll find barber-shop ard
bootblack around the corner Make for them
at once, and get yourself in shape to repre-
sent Headquarters properly"
Don't know but I'd ruther go to the
front and dig r1e-pits than to wear paper
collars and white gloves every day in the
week" solloquiZed Shorty, rs he walked
ont on the street. Don't mind 'em Oh
Sunday, when YOU kin take 'cm off agin
when the company's dismissed from parade;
but 20 put 'cm Oh in the nornin' when you
git up, and wear 'em till you go TO he'd at
night-O Jch0sephat Don't think I've got
the constitution 10 stand that sort o. thing
But it's orders and I'll do it, even if it
gives me Solemn O the brain. Here you
lbeckoning to n bootblack) put a 250-pounder
Monitor coat O polish on them Tennessee
River gunboats. Fall in, promptly, now"
The little darky gave an estimating glance
at the capacious cowhides which had not
had touch of the brush since being drawn
from the Quartermaster, and then yelled to
companion on the other side of the street:
Hey, Taters, come lend me a spit. Use
got an army cOntrack."
''Vhat COLOR off gravat do you want ?'
| asked the Jewish vender of haberdashery,
who was rapidly amassiLg fortune from the
soldiers. "Dere's plack, red, kreen, plue-
all lofely golors, unit de vinest kint off silk.
YoOst de same as Cheneral Krant wears. He
puys lods off ME. Won't puy off nopody
else when he gan ket to me. Now, dere's
vun dat'll yoost suit your light complexion
You gan wear dat on st. Batrick's day."
And he picked out one of bright green
that would have made ShOrty's throat seem
in wild revolt against his hair.
well, | don't know" said Shorty
meditatively, pulling over the lot Then
thought struck him Taking out the bit of
hIaria's dress, he said:
Give me something as near as possible
the color of that
"Vell, I'vo kot rid off DAFT off-colored
neg-die, dat I fought / nefer would SELL"
meditated the Jew as Shorty left. Pm
ahet yoost tOllar-unt-a-haluf on aggount
off dat Wild Irishman's kirl. Veil, de kris
ket some fellers into sgrapes, unit helps
udders oud {"
With this philosophical observation the
Jew resumed his pleasant work of marking
up his prices 10 better accord with his
enlarged views as to the profits he could get
of The soldiers.
When Shorty returned TO Headquarters,
neatly shayen and brushed, and took the
position Ct a soldier before the Chief Clerk,
that funciionarg remarked approeingly:
Very good, very good, indeed. You'll
lie an o.namer+ to Headquarters.