Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-11-16
sSl5g9e


make woman look snOrter! ne les.
but they make the men look longer
Judy.
"You can't keep secret, Marie"
"Yes, can, but always happen to tell
things to other girls who can't."-Chi-
cago Record.
xiii that mosquito, why don't your
II would, you know. but l hate to lay
violent hands on my own flesh and
blood."-Life.
Myer-Was Smyth's marriage a fall
ure? Gyer-Failure isn't name for 1t.
Why, 1t proved to be regular Della
ware peach crop.
The Filipinos haven't any idea what
a humane people we are" mo; they
are being taught, however, that appear
ances are deceitful."-Life.
Blll-Did you ever know an amateur
fisherman to tell the truth? Jill--Oh.
yes; l heard one tell another that he
was liar.-Yonkers Statesman.
Charlie Bingle is looking for coat
Of arms" ANY SUGGEST" Yep. He's
found his great-grandfather was
tailor."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Putt-What / want to know, sir, is IL
you referred to me as born liar? Terr
No, sir; don't believe you learned to
talk so soon as that.-Brooklyn Life.
Goodness, joint How queer the
baby looks. l believe he Is going to
have a fit!' by George! l believe
you are right. Where is my camera?"
-Tid-Bits.
Nexdoor-I haven't heard your dog
barking at night for some time. Homer
aged. We have twins at our house
now, you know.
Mrs. Van Swamp-Willlam, dear. as
you have another chill coming on, will
you kindly hold the baby's rattle In
your hand? 1t amuses the sweet pre-
cious so much Bazaar.
First Country Sport-Where do you
put up when you go to New York?
Second Country Sport-Oh. I'm not
bit particular; all pawnbrokers look
alike to me."-Exchange.
He-Do you know, darling, that l
a.
time kiss you. She-Well, at the pace
you are going now there will soon be
no more room for Improvement.
NO sensible girl would elope with
the coachman to-day.P t'.Whytss no!
Coachmen are back nrNAers. shed
fly with the man who runs the auto
mobile. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Little Willie-Say, pa, what's a re-
dundancy of expression? Pa-Using
more words than are necessary to ex-
press ones meaning. such as wealthy
iceman," wealthy plumber" etc.
Mr.. Slayer thine, 11:3O p. m.)-Are
you interested in baseball, Miss De
Jones? Miss De Jones tsuppressing a
yawn)-Yes, to certain extept.. dear
ly love to see a man makaAa shsme run
occasionally. @Fr'.tB
A strong recommendation: "But. sir.
what has your candidate ever done to
deserve the support of the people?"
well. for one thing. this is the first
time he has ever run for office."-Chi-
cago Journal.
Teacher-For what else was Julius
| Caesar noted? Tommy Tucker (who
| had studied the lesson somewhat hast
| ily)-His great strength. ma'am. He
| threw a bridge across the Rhine.-Chi-
| cago Tribune.
The goldfish" said the professor.
| lays considerably more than a million
eggs" 1T is exceedingly lucky for the
Goldfish that she doesn't have to cackle
over every egg" said the student who
came from the country.-Tit-Bits.
oftleigh-I-aw-am WEAKLY getting
to be-aw-quite poet, doncher know.
Miss Cutting-Indeedt Softleigh-
Yaws; have little book In which l.
aw-write down me thoughts in whyme
evahwy night before wetiring. Miss
| Cutting-It will be a volume of blank
verse when finished, | suppose.
II hope you are one of the people
who can keep cool in the presence of
danger" II am" answered the man
who wanted place as private watch
man. "Have you ever demonstrated
it," II have; once came near being
drowned in skating pond. Wash
ington Star.
What is the womans offense?" She
threw brick at a neighbor woman.
your Honor, and hit a man standing
behind her." THE man is guilty Of con-
tributory negligence. If he hadn't been
an idiot he would have stood in front OF
her. Case is dismissed "-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
| .sI'll bet n thousand" shouted the ex-
cited politician. that the editor had
no proofs Of those damaging stories he
published against the boss" ''Pll go
YOU" retorted the little man with a
high forehead and two pairs Of glass
es. HE had the proofs and went
through them. word for word. and
| o. KID the revise" "Who in thunder
are your I'm the proof-reader."--
Detroit Free Press.
Miss Neighbors-l was very sorry, In
deed, to le.rn of your sad loss. Mr..
Hayrix. You have my deepest sym
patty. Mr.. Hayrix-Wall, | calkerlate
1t war purity sad like. i had ten NV tn
finest hogs in this per hull township.
an eight NV ems deader'n. a door nail.
Mrs. Neighbors (horrified)-But | was
referring to the loss of your wife. Mr..
Hayrix-Yaas. misfortun's nevey dew
pear to come singerly. An | could "a
sold them thar hogs fer $50 head.
tew."