The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1899-12-17
PICKED UP ABOUT TOWN
Yarns That One Hears on the
Street Corners.
A STORY ON Mr.. DUFFY
Joshers Tell Good One on the County
Attorney-Solar System Is Lob
ster-Nova Scotian's Idea OF
Snowshoe Track

What for dingus is that there ?"
said the man who wanted to get a d.
vorce, pointing to an odd-looking ma
chine. in County Attorney Duffys Of
flee.
THAT, don't you know what that is?"
mo, I'll be jiggered if do"
well, that's an x-ray machine"
"x-ray machine?"
Yep. X-ray machine"
well, what does lawyer want with
an x-ray machine? I thought nobody
but doctors used them things-so they
could see peoples bones.'
We'll, I'll tell you" said Mr.. Duffy.
But I don't want you to say a word
about 1t, because if you do, people will
get suspicious and pass me up. That
little machine is one of the greatest
things I ever struck. When a man
comes in with trouble in his eye, just
walk over to the x-ray machine, take
a look into the Horoscope, and I know
in an instant just how much money he
has in his pocket. Whatever amount
is. that is the sum of my fee. You
your case will be $29, SO you still have
four-bits to get a dinner with. oh,
it's a great machine, that is"
"oh, that's all right" said the doc
tor, reassuringly to the patiens who
he had taken a double dose of the
medicine prescribed for him. That's
all right. 1t wouldn't hurt you if you
took the whole bottle-it's harmless"
We'll, gee whiz, I thought that was
strong medicine and that it was all up
with me-"
ooh. no. I don't mind telling you
that it's perfectly harmless, because
you've got sense enough to know that
I'm not joshing. I don't have to treat
you as I did a patient of mine a few
days ago. I was called to attend a
sick child, and prescribed some medi-
cine, the only purpose Of which was to
tone up the system a. little. l had bare
" reached the office on my return be-
fore the father came rushing in breath
lessly to tell me that a younger child
a baby-had drunk the whole works, and
the family was in the greatest distress
for fear the child would die any min
ute.
We'll, I knew the baby wouldn't be
a bit the worse for the stuff, but, of
course, that wouldn't do. If l told him
that he would Immediately conclude
that my medicine wasn't worth cent.
anyway, and Straightway would call
another physician. Most people, you
know, have an idea that an overdose
of any kind of medicine is sure death.
AS didn't want to lose the patient
l haven't got more than a million pa
tients-I made a pretense of being great
ly alarmed and hustled about the office
getting a stomach pump and other
pleasant things together, meantime
keeping up a talk of the most enter
taing kind regarding the necessity OF
immediate action, until I had the man
properly Impressed with the gravity of
the situation. When I got all my
things ready 1 rushed out of the place
in a great stew, shouting for the father
to come on.
well, l got that little baby down
and showed the pump down it's throat
and tortured it as much as I could in
other ways and finally left it in a prop
err state of collapse, but on the road to
isfied with my treatment and We're
firmly of the belief that I had surely
saved the babys life, and thanked me
profusely. L know it was pretty tough
on the baby, but my reputation was at
stake and it had to be done. l guess
that family is now thoroughly i'm
pressed with the opinion I'm the great
est physician alive"
A man who was sober and a man
who was not sober, by about dozen
long shots, ranged themselves on the
loon the night the meteors We're eX-
pected to come sailing down. The man
who was sober elevated his face and
gazed skyward, a look of intense ex-
pectancy upon his face. The man who
was not sober did likewise. In silence
they stood thus for few moments.
"Wha's lookin' at?" asked the man
who was not sober
Looking for falling stars-meteors-
this is the night they are to appear.
I've been looking for them all night,
but I haven't seen any yet
Amt no meters up there" said
the manswho wasn't sober; Les have
drink: come on"
NO" said the sober man. mo, I
don't want drink Let's wait awhile.
They might come"
And the man who was sober held
up his face and continued to gaze with
earnestness, but the man who was not
sober, finding the game not worth the
candle, permitted his head to droop
forward. This aided him to a consid-
cradle degree in maintaing the straight
ness of his legs and the equilibrium Of
his body. AS he stood thus he began
to doze; one of those maudlin, stupid
dozes that follow such indiscretions a
he had been guilty Of
His companion continued to gaze at
the starry universe, and ever and anon
burst into EXPLANATIONS as he pondered
upon the vastness, the magnificence Of
the heavens. These outbursts often
terminated in questions directed to his
unsteady companion, who invariably re-
piled in sleepy grunts. The star-gazer
at last came to the solar system. Flo
quently he held forth on the grandeur
thereof, and closing his remarks, as he
had the others, with the question.
What do you think of the solar sys-
tenn, Charlie?"
Think solar sys'ms lobster" brief
1y replied Charlie, sinking to the side
walk and leaning his head against an
iron-begirt telegraph pole.
Up at Silver lake and Gold Coin they
have snow long before it falls in Ana
conda They also have other things
up there, ''fisheaters." for instance
which term is the current appellatior
bestowed upon Nova Scotians and othel
gentlemen from that region, where fish
ing is such a prominent industry.
A week or so ago there was con
siderable fall of snow, in fact so much
l.,Sy rAF