The times., 1899-12-24
MIR. DooLEY9 ON XMAS GIFTS
Timely Observations by the PhiIoso-
pher of Archey Road.

phcr of Archey Road.
The approach of Christmas is heralded
in Archey Road by many of the signs that
are known 10 the less civilized and more
prosperous parts of the city The people
look poorer, colder, and more hopeful
than at other times. The bakeries assume
an old country appearance of gayety The
saloons are well filled. Also, if you have
your eyes about you, you may catch a
glimpse now and then, through a frosted
window pane Of a stunted Christmas tree,
laden slenderly with glass balls and ropes
Of red popcorn, the work Of painful hands
after the childher are abed. Mr.. Dooley knew
Christmas was coming by the calendar,
the expiration OF his quarterly license. and
Mr.. Hennessy coming in with a doll in his
pocket and a rocking chair under his arm.
'-Prisints ?" said the philosopher.
'Yis, said Mr.. Hennessy. l had to do
it. I med up me mind this year that l
wudden't buy amy Chris mas prisints or
take amy. / cant afford it. Times has
been fearful har-Td, an look iv pain
comes over III Of Woman's face whin !
hold out 90 cints fr'm me salary on Satur-
dan night. ! give it out that ! didn't want
anything but they Sc so much scurryin'
ar-rouud an hidin' things whin ] go in
that / know they've got something f'r me.
1 cudden't stand it no longer, so l wint
downtown tonight, down be Shekel &
WhOopers place an ] bought these things.
This is q fine doll Tr IN money"
1t is said Mr. Dooley, taking the doll
and examining il with the eye Of an art
critic 1T closes its eyes-yis, an be-
dad, il cries il ye punch it. They're max
in these things more like human bein's
ivry year An does il say pap-Tah an
mam-mah. ] dinnaw2'
No" said Mr.. Hennessy, "th' pap-pah
an mam-mah dolls costs too much.
We'll" continued Mr. Dooley. we can't
have Everything we want in this wurruld.
II I had me way, I'd buy gold watches an
chains f'r iyrybOdy IL III r-road an a few
iv III good Germans. I feel tnaJ gin-rous.
But It's no use. Ee can't give what ye
want Iyry little boy iXpects a pony at
Chris mas an ivry little girl chain an
Iocket; an ivTy man thinks he's sure goin'
TO get I'll gold-headsd cane he's longed fr
since he come over. But they all hnHy
land on rockin'h horses an dolls an suspin-
/ dheTs that T-ruu pink flowers into their
shirts an tattoo thin in summer. An they
I conceal their grief Chris mas mornin' an
thry 10 look pleasant with murdher in their
hearts.
Some wan has always give me a Chris
+ mas prisint, though no wan has amy
+ r-right to. But no wan iyer give me amy
thing ! cud wear or ate or dhrink or smoke
or curl me hair with. I've had TASKS iv
whisky al me elbow day an night, an Whin
I opined them blue an yellow flames come
cut an some iv IN stuff r-run on tn fire,
and set FIRE to IN buildin' l smoke tn
1 best 5-cint see-gar that money can buy;
yet wnin a good friend iy mine wants 10
sFrfE bsa
TO d harness shop an buys a box iy see
gars with excelsior hlli1' an burlay wrap
pers. an, If ] smoked wan an lived I'd be
arristed f'r arson. / got pair Of sus-
pindhers wanst firm a lady-niver mind
her name-an' / wurruked hard that day
an the decoratioE moved back into me-
an ! had TO take thin out with pumice
stone. ! didn't lose tn taste iv th paint
fr weeks an weeks.
WAN year ! wanted a watch more thin
anything in tn wurruId. I talked watches
10 ivry wan that / thought had designs on
me ] made il a pint TO ask me frinds
what time av night it was an thin say:
Dear me. ! ought 10 git watch if I cud
afford it, ] used 10 tout people down 10 tn
jooler's shop an sthand be tn window with
a hungry look in III eyes iv me, as much
as 10 say. II I don't get a watch I'll per-
ish l talked watches, an thought watches,
an dhreamed watches. Father Kelly re-
buked me f'r beiu late f'r mass. How can
I get there befure III gospil, whin I don't
know what time ii is? says !. Why dou't I
We LUX al ye'er watch?' he says. I haven I
none. says J. Did he give me a watch
Faith, he did not. He sint me a box Of
soap that made me smell like coon goin'
10 a bali in a State Sthreet ca-ar. I got
necktie firm wan man: an If I wore il to
a meetin' iv th Young Hebrew Char table
Society the'dve thTun me out That man
wanted me to be kilt Another la ad sint
me a SILK handkerchief that broke on me
poor nose. TIL nearest / got TO a watch
was a hair chain that unraveled. an made
me look as if I'd been curryin' a Shetland
pony ] niver git what 1 wanted an !
uiver expect TO- No wan does
I'm get We what We want" said MIR.
Heunessy. If ven tell me what il is, an
* don't cost too much.
"WnI ye?" said Mr. Dooley. eagerly.
81 will" said Mr.. Hennessy, IF It's
within me means
.Ye're jokin', a" said Mr.. Dooley
I'm not l name IT,"
DO ye, honesJ?'
Il 30 so"
Thin" said Mr. Dooley, get me tn
Auditorium. I've wanted that TO play
with Fr many years"
And Mr HenEessy went away with the
rocking chair under his arm, the doll in
hts pocket and dumb anger in his heart.
The Holiday strain.
lFTom the Chicago Record.)
SAY maj" Whist FreddyG IF I wuZ as
good this all th' time I'd git sick an die,
fHF.'