Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1899-08-18
THE DIFFERENCE.

Nv uiAlNlS41CC DclNctu lullldlllld-
rianism and charity observed Aunt
Jemima Peppergrass. sis that when
a person has slipped on a wet roof
and slid down two or three acres Of
shingles. and busted off Il waterspout
with his solar picks and scraped the
paint Off the roof with his abdomen
and dislocated Il square yard of brick
with his tllOraX and perforated two
or three ceilings with his fallin' per-
son.. and stuck his leg through Il plate
glass window, and sawed off his ear
on an iron cornice and finally lit SO
hard he cracked the cornerstone and
ScOoped up about three yards of earth
and some person PUSHES up and gives
him Il sound OmmOn sense lecture
about being so careless and asks him
how many children he's got and
whether he's goin' to leave any life
insurance. and can't see how Il man
could be so careless and why lie didn't
exercise more excessive precautions
and finally telephones for a doctor to
come and extract the cornerstone out
of his short ribs. and goes to attend Il
meeting of the directors of the Univer-
sal Brotherhood AssOciation-tllat's
humanitarianiSm. And when some
fellow PUSHES up and lifts the unfor-
tunate man into the next building and
rolls up his coat and puts it under his
head, and pours Il little whiskey
down his throat and goes with him
to the hospital and sends him up some
flowers and a little fruit every few
days and sees that he gets another
job when he gets well-that's charity"
THE FABLE OF THE STATE FAIR
AND THE RAILROAD SHOPS.
Once Upon a Time there was, a
City with a Long Street and a State
Fair. There were some other Things
but they are not worth Mentioning.
Among these were the Railroad Shops.
The Town was several Miles from
the Missouri river except in the
Spring, when the river moved up to
the Town so that it might he in the
Swim, once in a while anyway.
The State TNair was Il Gigantic 1nsti-
tuition that attracted Attention from
all Parts of the State. and Positively
no Liquor Sold upon the Grounds. An
Editor who had been to Yurrup said
it Beat the Biggest Thing he Saw on
his Trip, which "a u Prize Bologna
Sausage at Hamburg.
The State Fair was Held in the Fall
when the Town had much the Appear
ance of a Human Habitation from
the Large Number Of People who
Poured in from Adjoining Towns.
The State Fair Gradually Became the
Whole Cheese in the Estimation of the
People who Lived in the Town. They
Said it a. the Biggest Institution be-
tween Custer Flats and the Morton
County Court House, and that it was
the Only Thing that ever Happened.
The Railroad Shops stood for the
Taffy that was Dished up for the Fair
until they got to Piling the Agony on
Too Thick. The Fair was too Warm
Il Number to Whittle in the Same
Alley, and the Shops Burned Down.
The people in the Town said it was
Nothing-that the Road would build
them up again Bigger and Better than
ever. But the Railroad Company got
a pretty good Slow on, and Corner
Lots began to go down SO fast there
was a Jam on the Elevator. One man
said he hadn't thought about 1t before,
but He, for One, would sooner get His
AIitt on the shops again than have q
Season Ticket for the Live Stock
Promenade. And another Man said
the Shops beat all the Burberry Jell