The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-08-27
M'KEE'S BACK YARD COW.
sHE GREW SO FAT THAT m
COULLH'T GET BkR OUT.


ate tomato can in a Greenpoint lot. Houli-
han had a gray horse. and McCarty owned .
flock OF geese that were tho pride OF the
neighborhood. SO when Jim Mckee saw fat
butcher leading n lean calf through the streets
OF Greenpont. Mckee said to the butcher:
"Whatrl you take for himH"
Hes not him." said the butcher. " he's her"
"Oh." remarked Mckee. II owe her an apollo
gy. But it's q shame to slaughter her; come.
butcher make bargain"
Mr. Mckee flashed a roll OF bank notes, and
the fat butcher patted the lean calf three
times. He shook his head. as II In doubt about
selling.
She's mean lookin'." said Mckee. cycling hor
ribs. 1T wouldn't make much difference to
me whether or not bought her.
The fat butcher patted the thin calf twice.
In fact" continued Mckee. shes the skim
niest calf ever saw"
"Mebbe when she grows up she'll DO stout"
remarked the butcher. One time had such
thin calf which had only rihs und skin. but
abe growed to be der latest COW what some.
body never saw like 1t before"
MIR Mckee put his bank-roll back In his
pocket The fat butcher patted the lean cali
once and said:
Take her for better or vorse."
"Of course you'll throw In the halter with
this bridle." said Mckee.
Sure" said the butcher. and Mr.. Mckee
started homo leading the lean calf.
This occurred over year ago.
Mr. Mckee lives at IA Oakland street. and
when he got home he brought the calf through
his front door into the rear yard. 1t wasn't .
very wide doorway but 1t was wide enough for
a thin calf. Mckee built home for the calf In
the yard There the calf playfully frlsked
daily. She was gidiy young thing. and
would have enjoyed run In the street. bus
there being high houses all around and no
alleyways she couldn't reach the street unless
she passed through the hallway OF McKse's
home. He wouldn't permit that However.
she got along well with the children
OF the nsghborhood who frequently
called to have fun with her. Finally
abe reached the heller stage and Mr. mckee
became proud OF her. He fed her we'll and her
ribs disappeared beneath rolls OF flesh. She
was costly. but Mr.. Mckee figured up the time
1t would take when he'd get her board money
back in fresh milk.
Months rolled by and the lean calf developed
into a full fedRed cow-not an ordinary COW.
but a big fat cow with the meekest Of eyes and
a tremendous appetite. O'Toole's blly-Roat
had held the Greenpoint eating championship
for years McKee's COW could eat more than
dozen O'Toole goats and ten ordinary cows
thrown in. In fact the time arrived when Mr..
Mckee couldn't stand her board-bills any
longer. There was only one thing left for him
to do. That was to sell the COW. The news
spread rapidly through Greenpoint and Will
liamsburgh and dozens OF cow-dealers called TO
look her over. A bargain was finally made
with one Of them. but when the proposed pur-
chaser glanced about the yard. he said In puz-
zled tones
Where's the entrance to the street"
Mr. Mckee turned pale. He glanced at the
narrow doorway through which he had led the
| lean calf. Then he glanced at the fat cow
Then he looked up at the roofs OF the tall
houses surrounding the yard Then no Got
| tape measure and measured the doorway.
| With q piece OF chalk he wrote on the stone
| tagging: Doorway. three feet"
| Next he measured the width OF the fat COW
| that had once been lean calf. Again he
brought the chalk into use and marked On the
tagging: Cow. four feet"
| -Four COW feet into three lineal feet don't
TO-" he said, In tones similar to those used BY
grave-diggers who frequently meet wide
easkets.
The man who had called 10 buy the COW.
sighed. and went away.
This was three weeks ago.
All night long Mr.. Mckee lay awake figuring
| silently on COWS and doorways. The next day
several nelRhbors were called In eonsultAtion.
One suggested that Mr.. Mckee might write to
the puzzle editor OF the "Cow-and-Caf Ga
zette." Another thought the COW might be
lifted over the roof Of the house with the aid OF
| q derrick.
why not move the house." added another.
Get a balloon" said O'Toole.
Build tunnel under the house" suggested
Casey.
Yes" remarked gray bearded stranger.
That's II. Build a tunnel. Let the contract
out to the North River Tunnel COMPANY. and
the COW II die in the yard"
"Ha! hal" suddenly exclaimed Mckee. Il
have It'll have 1t nowl'
| The neghbors gathered closer.
well" said Mckee. "the fact comes back to
me tina, fat butcher got mo into this scrape.
so I'll get a thin butcher to get me out OF It,"
| Theneighbors chesred. Thereupon MT Mckee
| went out and found a thin butcher. This thin
| butcher came and looked at the fat COW. He
said the Health Board would not permit him
| to slaughter the COW In the yard. He agreed to
buy the COW at reasonable figure. Mr.. Mckee
fixed the price low. There was . stipulation In
tho contract that the butcher should remove
| the COW dead or alive. within two weeks. The
butcher was TO assume the responsibility OF
| boarding the COW. Then aud there the thin
butcher declared that as he was now the owner
| OF the fat COW. no would starve her until she
| got thin enough to be pushed through the
doorway. where as thin calf she had entered
| many months before.
| The Mckee children had become attached to
tho fat COW. and objected to the starving pro-
| cess. but the thin butcher insisted that the fat
COW was his property. and he could do as he
| liked In the matter.
Daily the COW grew thinner. and daily she
| was measured.
| On Tuesday the thin butcher appeared In the
yard OF IA Oakland street TO claim the fat COW.
She was not q fat COW. Instead no found
| weazened. faded. lean COW. with detected
spirits. Measurements were taken. and the
butcher declared the COW could DO pushed
through the doorway. With u gang Of men
and ropes and blankets the cow was shoyed
nose reached the street. sticking out like the
nose Of an ocean steamer from Q bank OF fog.
| Right there she stuck. The thin butcher got
q big ak and chopped OF q section Of the door
Boo-o-o-or' moaned tho COW. Then she
stun BLEED. took two steps and landed on the
| sidewalk. She cast one glance At the thin
| butcher. and blnked her eyes,
! "She was happy when met her." aiRhed Mo
Kee. Probably she 10 recalling the happy
days when she was lean cali and fat GOVT