New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-12-01
ASA BURRUD'S TRIBULATIONS.
THEY ARE ALPHABETICALLY TOLD BY HIS
FRIEND MCHUCK

FRIEND MCHUCK.
Well gntimin" said Daniel McChuck. the well
known Democratic sewer inspector OF the Twelfth
Ward Of Brooklyn last night 10 number OF his
constituents who gathered in the back room OF the
Klondike Saloon; well. gintilmn this hez been
a great day fur that part av the Irish race tina,
takes me In
Did VIZ make money In the Franklin Syndicate
Danny" asked Flaherty, with eagerness.
"'Dade thin. I didn't. Ne lawyer towld me TO
stay out av IT," said McChuck. wisely. But had
better luck nor that. l spint hour Wild me great
and notorious frin'. District Attorney Asa Burrud
Colonel Gardner. An phats more, saw the op-
erations av his mind whIn he wuz as mild as skim
milk and ag'in whin he stirred 70 the sub
cellar av his sky-scraper sowl I'm tellin viz the
SEWN society part hrst an will wind UP wild the
hot tacks an bass drum as Il Whin whit
TO Mr.. Gardner L tn Tombs to-day TO consrat-
ulate him in advance fur t'rowin' down that man
Slicer. who's been a-castin up about him. the
boy at the dure 'shure I have arders to pass
ye in whinver ye come SEE he. fur the ovid man
seq yiz air anickdote fur the blues, SEE he.
Wild that wiped me brogans tn ANCESTRAL
dure mat av Mr. Gardeners office an wuZ shown in
ALLOW me to interjuice viz 10 galaxy legal
summaries, said frin'. with a bow that wud
have charmed the sowl sulu king. Wild that
he INTERRUPTED me to Osborne an Mcintyre an tn
gang. After we'd had a roun drinks, the Dis
trict Attorney
Danny. me ovid college chum. he. we be
list gon troo little intellectual sprouts
SEE he an I wuz jlst askin' few high paretcal
questions av me paramount STAFF SEE he. I will
reshums where left off. seq he. an thin he axes
Osborne:
III ovid Governor Wouter Van Twiller, me
luneal ANCESTOR hurt his lift leg mowin swamp
grass CanaI-st. two hundred and fifty years ago.
an your distinguished chief. mesilf. got shot in his
left ieg while savn' Glneral Sheridan from capture
by Gineral Mostly how many years should a Uni
tartan minister be stint to Sing Sing calls me an
Governor Wouter Van Twiller baby steaIers?
seq he
Well ye shud have seen the efict av that ques-
ton on Osborne the head cook in the galley 70 use
a marine paroxysm. He said, wild tears streamin'
down his cheeks:
'slr-honored sir SEE ne; 'whln it comes to high
paretical QUESTIONS. Barlow 5. Weeks looks Ike
t'irty cints alongside you SEE he.
"T thought as much seq Gardner. an thin he
dismissed the class in high paretical QUESTIONS an
turned 10 me-
Danny. me ovid college aborigine, seq he I
wish T. heavin' We understood bon mots.' seq he.
'shure an wud II had been in hottest. like
yerseP seq T.
That's not so bad fur a sewer inspector sez ne
an thin he
Danny me wurrust enemy at prisint. harrin'
the leg I got hurried In at the battle or Cherry
Gordy. Is A Unitarian minister wild whiskers be
the name OF Slicer.' seq he.
Sind him TO tn Twet Ward an we'll put him
out av business seq I. wild neatness an dispatch
Thank yiz Danny. seq he. but he's frln av
Rosyvilt an II put him out av business the hough
Rider wud set to breakin stone. SEE he Thln
after ookin' at a paperweight horseshoe owned
by a second cousin av Peter Stuyvesant. SEE he:
Danny, I hope viz Will nlver vote fur Uni
TARTAN seq he fur he's an enemy av yer race seq
he Let me explain, he whit on Unit means
wan; remember that Danny. Unit names wan
wan dollar a day an tartan names tarrier'
Danny. reminder that; an therefore. subsequently,
Unitarian names wan dollar day fur tarriers
Dye catch on, Danny. me ovid affinity SEE he.
Il tovld him this d.stric wud be solid against
Unitarian ministers. What comes next nearly broke
me heart an that Gardeners as well Gardner
had ordered a new sign painted fur the outside
av his office dure jist above the rubber mat The
relly as made the sign lives close 10 the shop aV
fellv named Brian c. Hughes. n great man fur
maxim cracks at the expinse OF some other fely'
Hughes put I'D a low down thrck on the District
Attorney through the sign painter. who brought
the Sign around for Colonel Gardner to see before
It whit up In nice little panel wild gold az
aroun' Il this