davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
NICELY TAKEN IN.
He Knew the Ways of the
World But Got Caught
Mapping.

The man in question used to say he knew
the way of the world as a cat knows its
own kittens, and laugh at the Wlles OF those
who live on their wits
He had been economizing at every turn
for long time, saving all that he could,
left his station the other night in the teeth
of blizzard The buses had stopped run
ming, and he buttoned his coat collar about
his neck with a determination to walk
home rather than squander the price OF a
cab.
ssBeastly night" said tall, imposing
man, as he tapped our friend on the shout
der. SECT into my carriage there; III pc
with you in minute" and he dashed into
the station after his bag. It was too good
an offer to be refused. and the travelling
his benefactor, who politely insisted that
the pleasure was all his.
ssjust tell him where to drive to, he said,
later; 81 get out here. No, don't mention
it.. Glad of the opportunity;
Now, it was a horrible night, and ne was
using another mans carriage, so he could
give him cigar to keep his nose warm. At
last the economical traveller was at home,
and he shouted CHEEKY "good night, as
he slammed the door of the vehicle and
started for the house:
"Here," cried the driver, you've forgot
Thanks. What is it?' as he hurried
.sNine shillings.'
"What?" as the narrowing conviction
seized him; ''Why, the other man. >,
'"That other man be blowed. l don't know
him from crow. You took the cab"
Then our man drowned the voice of the
swore his wife to secrecy. That's the way
it got out.-Pearson's Weekly.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Editor Did you write these jokes
yourself? '' Would-Be Contributors
Eyes, SIR . Editor GU must be older
than you look. Criterion.
Mr.. Henpeck- SIS my wife going out,
Eliza ?'' Eliza ny .'ssYes, sir Mr.. Hem
peck Do you happen to know wheth-
er I'm going out with her p Fliegende
Blaetter.
A Wonder. - Every thing Pusherput
his hand to seems to turn to money
"Yes. Why, he could write poetry and
make it pay Philadelphia North
American.
Marry yoa!" cried the Chicago heir
ess. ''Why, I'd sooner marry an Amer
lean" And, then the small count knew
that his case was hopeless. Philadel-
phia North American.
'Didn't he once say he would never
speak to you again 2" Eyes; but he
saw I had a cold, and he couldn't re-
sist the temptation to tell me of sure
cure. Boston Journal.
Mrs. La Sale 'sYou said Mrs. Wa.
bash got her furniture on the Install
ment plan, didn't you?" Mrs. Dearborn
Yes; she's had four hus stands, and
got a little with each one. '-Yo nkers
Statesman.
Miss Passe-"C holly seems to think
that I'm keeping my age remarkably
WE'LL" Miss Curt --''Ye s, he told me
that he never heard of single instance
where you gave it away Philadel-
phia Record.
Jimmie Amt it good of de school
board to shut up the school in summer
so we can have rest" Tommy Jaw,
dat amt de reason. Dey halter give
de teachers chance to learn some
more. IN. Y. journal.
Little Girl Ito visitor) my papa's a
good man. He'll go to Heaven, won't
hep" Visitor "Oh, yes, indeed; and are
you going to Heaven, too?" Little Girl
sob, no; I'm going with mamma y
Pittsburgh Chronicle elegraph.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
"a Burglar Hanged.

At the July term Of the supreme
court held in Albany, in 1889, Elihu
#Smeeds, of PittstoWn, indicted for the
murder Of Ezekiel Mitchell, and con-
victed Of manslaugh was sentenced
to receive 80 lashes at the public whip
ping post, and be imprisoned three cal
endar months. Six others, convicted Of
stealing, were condemned to receive 80
Slashes each; while about the same time,
Francis Uss, convicted Of breaking open
and robbing a store in Pough keepsie,
was publicly hanged. Criminal justice
was a trifle peculiar in those days, to
say the least. Albany Argus.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
An intellectual Test.

tfYour name?'
"Jan Przybskalzi."
Glow long have you been in this coun-
try?
ssVilhelm Mckinley"
ence?"
Congress"
..Do you swear to obey the laws Of this
Gorge Washington. !"
what form Of government is this?"
esEbryhem Linking"
Chat will do. You're accepted. Step
4 ssDer Star Spangled Benner!"
Don't you understand me? told you
you were all right
..Dree cheerz! Heep, heep, hooray!"
Is this an examination for admission to
citizenship? No, gentle reader, the man
wants to be soldier, and our great and
good government has declared that a sol
der needn't have any more brains than
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27

might come back. and it would give him
such "a shock. Come! say something,
do. Anyone on ship who doesn' t make
one original remark in five minutes
ought to be fined. (Pettishly.)
Archie 1t makes such row if we
both talk at once thought I'd let you
finish first.
ca short pause, during which he
wracks his brain for a topic.) ~
Archie hem! What an ideal
day!
Molly original. Fine! I said
that just now.
Archie Well, perfect, then! A per-
feet day. The day, don't you know,
and and Cooking at her face) and
everything else. perfect, too.
4 Molly with studied indifference)
Yes, the day is nice! It's hard to say
why, though. 81
4 Archie (watching her intently)-Do
you think so? I don't.
Molly (hurriedly) Talking of ideals,
they're very right er-er-I mean
very fine very desirable. Decidedly
One can't live without ideals. &
Archie-What's the good of ideals
you can't reach? s
Molly seriously They tend to ele-
vate the soul. IN
r. Archie-And depress the spirits!
Molly Then you've tried them? s
Archie-Yes, most of US try and keep
a few. I've got one left.
Molly Gndifferently) oh, and what's
that? s
Archie-An ideal woman!
Molly with exaggerated indiffer-
ence) -Indeed! How interesting! VI
Archie Cleaning forward and lower
ing his voice lest Mrs. Mathews should
hear)-Yes, she is interesting danger
ously 50. Let me tell you about her!
She is dark-haired and gray-eyed-
such gray eyes that you quite forget
all her other features when you look
into them. But her nose is awfully
sweet, and so is-her mouth! She's
not very tall, just tall enough, though,
and such a pretty, graceful little
figure! She looks her very best lying
in deck chair with her hair all
rough! But, besides being so nice to
look at, she is good and sweet, and, oh,
SO lovable! also a little clever-not too
clever to be kind but clever enough
to be full of tact and charm. But, oh,
she's dreadfully dense when she
chooses! She will not be seen when
other people are doing their very best
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
COUNTERFEIT HEROES.
Their Clothes Are All Right, But
Their Military Knowledge
r. Is Limited.

C1VlllanS nave come TO the conclusion
that the Army building is no place for
loafers, and loafers who are civilians
have reached the same decision. The
employees of the government have been
instructed to keep their eyes open, and
in case any man>is seen in the doorway
or halls of the Army building with moth
ing particular to do, to tell him, to
'smove on This state of affairs has
come to pass through the swarm OF
swindlers who have, since the first
transports came in last fall, been rob-
bling the repatriated soldiers.
W To escape the vigilance Of the govern
ment clerk and detectives some of the
swindlers have hit upon scheme by
which number of them profted to the
extent of quite sum of money, which
they "buncoed" from some soldiers
This scheme is nothing more nor less
than obtaining old uniforms and wear
ing them, thus posing as comrades in
arms. It is fact that soldier will al
ways trust soldier, and many have suf-
fered through this.
This plan was very hard to break up,
as the Army building is the headquar-
tiers OF soldiers who are waiting for
transportation, and as rule there are
from so to 100 men about the building at
all times. However, a counter scheme
was planned by clerk in the trans
portation department, and this was to
approach the would-be heroes and
ask them a few questions concerning
the campaign. The results attained
were astonishing. Rear admirals, colo
nels, United States senator, captain
of marines and score Of civil war
heroes were inextricably mixed with ma
tional guard and volunteer officers of
the present war. One old charlatan was
especially amusing. He was gray
haired and wore New York national
guard uniform with full dress coat and
campaign hat. He was. stout to the
bursting point and his appearance was
decidedly martial. His face was scarlet,
a color due to the smallness of his belt.
The investigator approached him and
asked him what regiment he belonged
to. The 'shero" pondered and finally
said that he wasn't quite sure.
''Not sure? Why, what's the matter
with you?''
''Why, you see, young fellow, it was
this way: Ny captains name was
Roosevelt, but that's all know, because
was wounded and that hurted me
brain, see Pm. Y. Commercial Adver-
tiser.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
An English Dish.

For a curry of cooked meat cut the
beef into small squares, according to
the quantity of meat to be curried; put
two tablespoonfuls or more Of butter
into stew pan and two good sized on
ions chopped; stir the onions in the but
ter until Of pale brown; and one tea
spoonful of curry powder and the same
of flour with a little salt, mix and stir
for five minutes, moisten with a cup
of stock and stew gently for few min-
Iutes longer, put in the meat and sim-
mer until done, but do not let it boil.
Serve with rice around the dish Cix..
cinnati Enquirer.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27

to show her-what an awful dear she is
and to show her-what she is to them
how much they care for her-and
10
Molly (hurriedly, in low voice.
[ suppose you don't mind that old cat
of Mrs. Mathews listening to every
word you're saying. with emphasis,
in a loud conversational key. Now
listen to me! It's my turn now. I've
got an ideal, too; an ideal man mine is,
of course! He is very tall and very fair,
with lovely blue eyes, altogether a
splendid man. But, besides being all
this to look at, he's extremely nice, and,
oh, so considerate; never puts one in
difficult positions in public, don't you
know, and all that sort of thing! He's
very clever, too-not little bit clever,
and frightened of girls being cleverer
but really so clever himself that he
likes the cleverest people he can find!
Very amusing and very talkative, and
and-I think that's all. During this
speech Arches. face grows very grave.)
Archie (rising hurriedly)- All! I
think it's teatime. I'll go and see.
Molly promptly DO:
Gle rises and walks down the deck
towards the gangway; Mrs. Mathews,
who has also just risen, disappears
down it in front of him.
Molly (aside)-At last that old cat is
taking herself off. (Aloud) Mr.. Camp
bell.
Archie Cooking back, sadly Yes,
Miss Titherige?
Molly Neither ices nor lemon
squashes, thank you! But I think
you've forgotten something. Come, and
see here. (She points with one hand to
the deck beside her chair.)
Archie Coming back and STOPPING to
examine the spot)-I don't see any
thing. n
Molly Gmperatively)- Look again
look hard. Il 81
Archie examining deck Closely
Nothing, nothing, really-but your
hand.
Molly lin whisper Perhaps it is
my hand
Archie (seizing it in both his with All
asto mi sl gaspl-But, Molly your
ideal?
Molly Bother ideals. Black and
White.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
Children i. verse writers.

a lady who makes songs for children,
and makes them well, urges the cultiva-
ton Of The yerse--Writing faculty in
little ones, and says: 9 mother who
kept the most characteristic lines writ
ten by her children would have some
thing much more precious than photo
graphs, by which she could bring to
mind IN later years the days Of their
childhood; and she would have gimpses
into their little souls when those souls
were most innocent and full Of hope
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27

(Better known as "John Oliver Hobbies. ~
Known man of letters to-day. Yes, she
would follow in their footsteps. For a
while her mind turned toward religion,
during which she became converted to
the Roman Catholic faith; but her love
for the drama asserted itself, and she
began playwriting as profession.
plays, all of which were successes.
Mrs. Craigie is slender woman, not
very tall, but very we'll built. Her face,
eyes and hair are dark, and she has a
wonderful sort Of personal magnetism
which her friends believe would have
served her well had she gone on the
stage.
Mrs. Craigie has the singular habit of
concentration, a rare gift to-day. When
she is about to write she sits long hours
and thinks about her plot. It's char
acters become human beings to hef;
the scenes real places. To secure per-
feet quiet she goes in convent, where
she engages room for meditation and
remains there as long as it pleases her
to do so. She cannot work where there
is noise and liability to interruption,
and for that reason she goes to the con-
vent to think and write if only for a day
at a time. Her best scenes, the most
worldly, sharpest lines in her plays are
written from the walls of the convent.
Mrs. Craigie has only just begun her
work, she believes She wants to write
a comedy, tragedy, another society
play and several curtain raisers in the
near future. She has contracted for
each one Of these. She writes, when
once she puts pen to paper, very rapid
", and without erasure. She does her
thinking from beginning to end before
she begins, and when her thoughts are
completed she writes.
Her library is magnificent thing, on
the first floor of the great mansion. Her
fathers book shelves line the room, and
there are exquisite pieces of statuary,
wonderful first editions on the shelves,
rarest objects of bric-a- brac from India
and rugs from Belochistan. 1t is the
ideal writing spot. Mrs. Craigie's boy
is an active little lad of eight years,
whose instruction is left to governess
and a tutor. He has nurse and a maid
who care for him when his mother is
busy. Mrs. Craigie does not like to
leave her boy too much to hirelings and
in spite Of her work she manages to Be
with him a great deal. When putting
on q new play her hours are very irregu-
lar. The rehearsals begin at 70 o'clock
midnight and last until two in tie
morning. Il
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
NEW NECK FANCIEs.
The Princess, the Loie Fuller and
Twentieth Century Among the
Latest Novelties.

Fancy neck trimmings play such an
Important part in summer neckwear
that the designers must needs keep con-
tin 1l7ll at work to supply the demand.
Three new fancies are shown in the
Princess the ''Loie Fuller" and the
Twentieth Century," with an inn
proved edition of the broad puff tie,
making the fourth.
The Princess is a prim little affair
consisting Of plain band of stiff goods
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27

with turn bands of linen hemstitched
and turned over the edge.
An ethereal design is suggested by
the ''Loie Fuller" which has stock of
dark satin finished with bows of chif-
Ton tied la papilion.
The Twentieth Century is, natural
ly, very ''mannish,' and simple. It is
rather narrow, finished with two little
points of lawn scalloped at the back,
and small bow i'll the front.
The broad puff is as stylish and be-
coming as ever. It's newest feature is
that it is. made wider and comes in
greater variety of fabrics.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27

died. The doctor even gave me up and
wonders how ever lived.
$ wrote for Mrs. Pinkham's advice
at Lynn, Mass, and took her medicine
and began to get well. took several
bottles of the Compound and used the
Sanative Wash, and can truly say that
I am cured. You would hardly know
me, am feeling and looking SO well.
Lydia r. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound made me what I am. "-MRs.
j. F. STRETCH, 461 MECHANIC ST.,
CAMDEN. N. J.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
How Mrs. Brown Wa. Helped.

st must tell you that Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound has done
more for me than any doctor.
+" was troubled with irregular
menstruation. Last summer I began
the use of your Vegetable Compound.
and after taking two bottles, I have
been regular every month since. I
recommend your medicine to all. -
Mrs. MAGGIE A. BRowH, WEST Pr.
PLEASANT. N. J.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
True Courtesy In children.

The trend Of the home training shows
itself carly in child's life, and often
by single small acts it is made evident
that the principles of courtesy are in
culcated. The expression of thought
fulness on the part of a young member
of the family for the comfort of guest
is always pleasant sight, and does
more honor to the mother than costly
furnis hing. Housewife.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
EXQUISITE snchet Perfume.

Lavender flowers, one ounce; pulver-s
lied orris, two drach1ns; bruised rose
mary leaves, one-half ounce; musk, five
grains; altar Of roses, five drops. Mix
well, sew up in small, fiat muslin bags
and cover them with fancy silk or tint
ed lawn.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27

inuterus, ovaries
were affected and
had leucorrhea.
I had my chill dren
very fast and it
left everyweak.
A year ago I was
taken with food
mo and a1nOSf
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27

All people make pretence that they
do not care for fortune, but want just
enough to make them comfortable-Wa
ington Qa.) Democrat
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
A Man of Thrift.

She-Where are you going to spend the
summer?
Helm not going to spend it at all.
see i can't get gt the antor A Of the at a to
use it in the rooms occupy.-Detroit Free
Press.
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27
And the Moon VIII Come Back.

Prof. Darwin, of Cambridge, prophe-
sizes that the moon will ultimately re-
turn to the earth, whence it was cast
of in the remote past,
Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1899-07-27

[IErrER TO MRS. p1sxHAx NO. 7s,46sl
" I was sufferer from female weak
ness. Every month regularly as the
menses came, suffered dreadful pains
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-07-13
DEATHS And FUNERALS.
CHARLES p. wooLH1sER.

ts1t+ftc+--,-alHed member of the Nor
folk Typographical Union No 80. has
been called over the Great Divide" to
the Central Union of the Universe. Mr.
Charles Il. Woolhlser. whc Sc manly and
high toned character had made him a
host OF friends in his craft and among
his associates, passed away yesterday
morning. after II lingering Illness at 2ll
North Gibbs avenue (the home OF his
brotherin law, Mr.. w. N French).
aged % years. The funeral will take
place from the above residence this af-
ternoon AT O'Clock.
MIR. WILLIAM DONOVAN
The solemn service of the Requiem
High Mass. us the last Office OF the
Holy Church. was said Yesterday morn
ing at o'clock before the congrcGa-
ton OF devout ana reverent friends,
relatives and comrades Of Mr.. William
Donovan. over his remains by Rev.
Father jackson. of ST. Joseph's Catho-
lie Church. in the beautiful cathedral
interior of St Mary's Catholic Church.
on Chapel street. The Emerald Bsne-
fetal Society. OF which deceased was O.
member was present in a. body and
attended the body 10 its last resting
place. in ST. Mary's Cemetery. the fol-
lowing being pall-bearers: Messrs w.
IL. Hannan. Patrick Hart j. J. LAWYER.
NJ McKevitt, Michael Cash!n. Patrick
MCGEE. Peter Burns and Edward Ma
honey.
Mr.. Donovan. IL will be remembered.
died Monday morning at his residence.
No. 800 East Main street. Father
Jackson was called upon in the alb
sencc of Fathers Doherty and Frioli
from the city.
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-07-13
The Hundred Ycnr CHM.

y Hundred Year club has been organ
lied. The object of this club is TO study
the conditions which promote longevity.
After much exhaust ng study and useless
research lis memoerS must arrive at the
son. that the only possible way to attain
long life is 10 take the best care OF health
With all due respect. we present the study
of Hostettcr'S stomach Rltters for CON
s!deration. This is a tonic for one OF the
most vital organs OF iifee-thc stomach
Fer flfty years 1t has cured constipation
indigestion chronic dyspepsia, bilIousness
weak liver and kidneys. and ali OF the
dreadful ills which arise from impaired
digestion. Ii makes strong stomachs, rich
red blood, and steady. vigorous nerves. II
YOU accept y substitute don't eNpect Ii TO
cure like Hostettcr's Bitic!s : . that a
private Revenue Stamp co.ers the neck
Of the H0tt,s
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-07-13
BIG DEPARTMENT STORE.
SAID TO BE AN ALMOST ASSURED
FACT FOR CRANKY STREET
NORTHERN CAPITAL.

1t Is said that negotiations are nearly
closed for the establishment of a large
department store on CRANKY street in
new building to be erected there for
the purpose.
The general management of it, it is
understood, will be in the hands of two
well known Northern commercial rep
resentatives who have been coming To
Norfolk for years, and who are conf
dent of Norfolk's great commercial flu
ture. This store, It Is stated, will be
one OF the largest in Virginia. 1t is un-
derstood that six Of. the department
have been sublet to we'll known North
ern business houses.
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-07-13
THE DISMAL
SWAMP CANAL
Part of the Waterway Now Open
to Traffic.
DIFFICULTIES OVERCOME
Rchnbilitntrd Canal Regarded ns
Largely n Baltimore Enterprisc-
Row the Government Assisted Or
iginnlIy- Great RICHNESS OF Com
tiguOus ry-KsstOrn,ion oil
Waterway iicrcuicnn TASK.
The Baltimore Amcrlcnn SANS:

Inc Baltimore American says:
The announcement is made that the
restored Dismal swamp Canal. which
connects the Chesapeake Bay with Al
bemarle Sound, has been partially com
pletcd. ana That Il portion OF it is open
to traffic. If unavoidable delays which
for several months do not occur. the
whole waterway will be ready for bus
mess within a few days. Mr.. Walter Il.
Brooks. of this city, who is largely in
terestcd in the enterprise, and who,
with Mr.. Alexander Brown has fur
nished Il large portion of the capital eX-
pended. expected To nave the canal open
on July LIST throughout it's entire length.
The rehabllitated canal will be large
ly Il Baltimore enterprise. and this city
is expected 10 derive Il great benefit
from the Improvement. as it will be
brought into cheaper connection with a
large area of the South Tie company
which has rebuilt the canal Is known
as ;hc Lake Drummond Canal and Wa
ter Company. The officers are as fol-
lows: President. Walter Is Brooks,
lr. vice president and general man
ager. Joseph Il. sanford: secretary. ].
f.. Slnton; treasurer. Caldwell Hardy:
chief engineer. j. G. Wrensbaw. The ca
nal cXtendt from the village of Deep
Creek Va, To South Mills. ~ G.. n
distance of twenty miles. Deep
Creek is an arm of the Elizabeth river
and the village is about three miles
from that stream, making the north
ern terminus OF the canal practically Al
Norfolk South Mills is at the head
waters Of the Paspuotauk river. a trib-
uiary of Albemarle Sound.