The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-05-08
CLEVER SHORT STORIES.

An actor who was given to intoxicants
was once locked up In room at the
rear OF the theater to keep him in proper
condition till he was called to go on the
stage One door of the apartment open
ed on the street. and while looking
through the keyhole he saw a man pass
Ing. Calling him up to the door, he
puShed some money through a crack
and instructed him to go to the public
house at the opposite corner and pro-
cure pint of gin and clay pipe, prom
Using to reward him for his trouble. The
man did as directed, and when he re-
turned with the articles, the actor tod
him to put the stem of the pipe through
the keyhole and pour the gin careful
ly into the bowl These instructions the
accommodating individual also followed
and the result was that when the mana
ger called to notify the party he found
him in very happy frame Of mind, but
not at all in a condition calculated to add
to his fame as an actor.
A hfteen-stone gentleman invested In
bicycle, but his enjoyment of 1t was
marred by continual fear that the ma
chine would some day get beyond his
control and do him an injury. One morn
ing friend passed him struggling UP an
easy incline, gasping for breath. Great
thunderbolts, man! You've got your
brake on, exclaimed the former "I
know, I know Missed the rider through
his teeth. m afraid of its backing.
down the hill with me-" ,.~.
A boy In a training stable was feeling
little out of sorts, so his master sent
him to his own doctor. When he arrived
at the house Of the medical man, he OBJ
served the words Twelve to two," re-
ferring, of course to the hours of at
tendance. On the door of a. rival es-
Enlistment close by he saw inscribed
Eleven to one" This establishment he
entered. for, as he said, he took the
longer odds.
Now. said a schoolmaster as he dis
played a bright 5 shilling piece between
the tips of his finger and thumb, "the
first boy or girl that puts a riddle to me
which / cannot answer will receive this
as a gift. ANY more?" he asked, as
soon as silence was restored and no one
had claimed the coin. yes, SIR sang out
a little fellow from the farther end of
the school. why am I like the Prince
OF Wales?" ''The Prince of Wales?" said
the master. thoughtfully. 1.-THE Prince
OF Wales?" he repeated to himself
Really, Johnnie. I see no resemblance
in you; I'll give it up" Because" cried
the lad joyfully. 'I'm waiting for the
CROWN
The late DR.. A. K. Fl. Boyd, of Scot
land, once visited woman who had lost
her husband. By way of comforting her
lie proceeded TO set rOrth With great earn
estness and beauty of language the joys
of the state to which the departed one
had attained. The bereaved woman, with
a vivid recollection of her husbands
defects, found 1t hard to share In the
minister's hopes, although she wished to
show her sense of his kindness. She I'M
burdened herself thus: 'eWeel, DR..
Boyd. you're maybe no vera instructive,
but you're aye amusing
One windy day In London Julian Ralph
was riding on top of bus. A gust blew
off the hat of a mechanic who sat be-
side him. ''I say, driver" said the me-
chanic, reaching out and touching the
driver on the shoulder, me ats bowed
Off" The driver fdgeted, but grasped the
situation, though most unwi1lingly. ct
as, as it?'' he said turning to the man;
well. then, thatn teach you to buy ats
that fit your cad. 'ad ole lot of ats
blow off before made up me mind to get
'em to fit me cad. After that I 'ad no
no more trouble" And he continued to
drive ON.