The Goodland republic. [volume] (Goodland, Kan.) 1891-1907, 1899-05-19
FROM TEE WAXsIDE.

A rubber-tired buggy has struck
PhiIlipsburg.
The New York man who died Of heart
disease upon being offered a $4,000
salary, evidently never lived in Ohio.
The college man was almost cOusid-
cred invincible until the Princeton
students went up against Pawnee Bills
Wild West show
One thing may be said in favor Of
mOFmonism: 1t doesn't throw the en-
tire burden Of supporting a husband
upon one woman.
The only people Of Emporia who
would consent for love or money to
nurse the smallpox patients at En-
pOris we're the Sisters Of Mercy at the
Catholic convent
The daring young riders Of Teddy's comm and
By deeds Of great valor won glory.
And many believed their bright record would
stand
UnequaIled in song and IN story.
But now the Smooth Swimmers Of Kansas rise
And say to their Rough-Rider brothers.
you lads amt the only game cocks in the
coop.
For, don't you forget, there are othersr'
Eastern papers are wondering how
those Kansas soldiers learned to swim,
and it is only a matter Of time until
some photographic prince viii hit upon
the discovery that the Missouri river
lies between that prohibition common
wealth and a wide-OPen state.
This is the time Of year that every
boy and some men have a laundering
TO 60 out and dig few fish worms and
- -r~.E l. II
hours attempting to fish. Some men
can get hours of solid enjoyment out
Of watching a cork bob up and down,
without catching a fish.
The following is the chorus OF the
latest popular" song which bids fair
to have a large run: ave don't want
TO buy at your place, We don't want to
trade there any more, you'll be sorry
when you see Us going to some other
store You can't sell Us any stale
goods, we have opened wide our eyes;
We don't want to trade at your store,
cause you do not advertise"
Probate Judge Redman OF Rush
county Is bUsily engaged in running
his steam threshing machine. The
La Crosse Republican says that the
following notice is tackled to the door
Of the judges Office. If you want to
get tied to a woman for life, bring her
out to the threshing machine, one mile
south Of town. I carry a full line Of
legal instruments in the tool box, also
have in attendance six stalwart wit
nesses, armed with pitchfOrks."
The Topeka Journal enumerates as a
partial list Of the Kansas industries al
ready closed by the trusts the follow
ing: Topeka starch factory, Topeka
Hnseed oil works, Topeka cracker fac
tory, Topeka sugar mill, LeavenWOrth
hnseed oil mill, Salina paper mill, Fort
Scott sugar mill, Lawrence wire nail
factory. The AtchisOn linseed oil mill
and AtchisOn cracker factory can be
added, and the Leavenworth stove fac
tory will soon be in the list.
According to Harm Wilson. Mayor
Humphrey Of Junction City has re-
qUested the citizens Of that town to
cease giving hand outs to the hObOes,
who are bacOming more numerous with
the coming Of spring. at the city
clerks Office anyone who wishes to
may obtain tickets which read GGOOd
for one meal when COuntersigned BY l
the marshal" The housewives are I
urged TO secure q supply Of tickets, /
and present them to the meal hunters
The marshal viii always have work for |
Ln6m 20 90 and square meal at q |
restaurant viii be their reward. Mayor |
Humphrey evidently knows a thing or
two or three about human nature. for
be closes his proclamation in this wise: |
''As canton to the kind and generous
hearted women Of the town, don't let |
any big, lusty fellow make you believe
ne IS 50 hungry that be can't wait a |
couple Of hours for food. he will not
die, and the next time he will BEGIN to
look out for his meal before he gets so
hunCrvH