Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-10-07
YOU CAN'T ALWAYS TELL

Sometimes, when you're affable and
patronizing to a chap you thinks a coun-
tryman and responsive to his conversation
simply because you feel superior cityfed-
ness and want to show IT, you are liable to
learn something suddenly, for the rube
game IS being played for an opener with
a good deal of frequency nowadays, 1 no
tice," said the expansive man with the
two double chins. II fell up against 1t for
the first time yesterday. l took a west
bound avenue car up on the hill yesterday
afternoon and found a place in one of the
smoking seats next to a tall, gawky. SIM
ple-looking chap with carroty hair and a
general expression OF surprised vacuity.
He sized me up carefully, and I could see
out of the corner of my eye that he
wanted to talk to me and ask me questions.
Finally he appeared to muster up courage
to open the game.
said he.
well said I with one of those top
lofty smiles of superiority, I believe it,
generally considered so. Don't believe
there are many finer in the world
:" And it cert'nly beats all possum skins
how they keep it so clean! he exclaimed,
looking admirably around at the we'll
swept streets.
ooh, that's our particular graft here
cleanliness, said I. If there's any one
thing that We Washingtonians lay awake
nights over, it's cleanliness. We're the
cleanest city on earth-cean inside and
outside. It's case of sweep sweep, sweep
with US all the time, and the result is, as
you see, that the streets are-well, pretty
nearly as clean as dining room floor
wall, he said. shaking his head a
trife, I wouldn't go so far as to say that
your streets are clean as a dining room
hoor-leastwise, as clean as such a floor
ought to be-but they're pesky clean, for
all that. Depends on how clean you think
a floor can be made
{" Oh said l, in an offhand sort of way,
mean as clean as an ordinary, well-swept
fioor-comparatively, you know
Floor swept how, stranger" the fellow
inquired, looking up to me shrewdly
Il didn't understand what he was getting
at. but replied:
why, a floor swept by broom, or a
patent sweeper, or
"'Ah!' said this make-believe RUDE, drop
ping his country manner all of sudden,
now. my friend, we are talking business!
We have by a natural channel and without
the slightest effort or persuasion on my
part-as 1 hope sir, you will bear me wit
nesS-arrived at a matter that Is OF alb
sorbfng interest to me, and will prove, l
make no doubt Of equally intense interest
to you
81 didn't know what to make of this spiel,
and the chaps sudden abandonment of his
Rube manner made me put one hand next
to my watch and the other in the general
vicinity Of my pocket book.
"'You were speaking he said, smoothly.
before I had chance to work in a word,
of patent sweepers. Sir, there is no labor
saving device on earth so benevolent IN
its operations a patent carpet sweeper!
It takes the burden from the weary backs
Of overladen woman! 1t gives her l know
not how many hours year to devote TO
other tasks, or to relaxation, by doing away
with the sordid only partially effective
straw broom! It
"'Say look a-here,' I tried to say, what S
all this
Just a moment my friend he broke
in, with a deprecatory wave of the hand.
But there are patent Sweepers and patent
sweepersl Some of them are simply alb
horrent decisions and snares. of absolutely
no practical value to any human being.
worse than some brands of patent safety
razors, whereas-well I'll just leave it to
you if this patent carpet sweeper that am
purveying in this beautiful city of yours at
the ridiculouSly low price of
Il never heard the price of that fellows
carpet sweeper. The car was kind enough
to slow up just as he stopped down to pick
up his bundle of patent sweeDers at his
feet and l just dropped off.
1.-The next afternoon another countrytied-
locking chap addressed me as stranger
on the rear seat of and began talking
to me of the beauty of the city but, seeing
a suspicious looking bundle at his feet that
I figured might be a patent lawn mower
or something like that, 1 made him pref
ty short answer. The poor chap, who was
the real thing, slid over to his corner of
the seat looking good deal aggrieved. ana
/ suppose he thought ] was an almighty
uncivil sort of a proposition. But now are
YOU going to tell the real thing in any line
of life animate or inanimate, these days?'