Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1899-06-08


Like cleaning rows of pearls
Between her coral lips, swore
| priced that radiant smile far more
| Than all the riches set in store
For foreign dukes and earls.
But now when Helen shows her teeth
The time has come l know
. From long experience at that
To merel! take my coat and hat.
Eyacuate our cozy fat
And clubward promptly go.
Brooklyn Life
AS l understand it," said the
heather, you propose to civilize me-"
Exactly so"
You mean to get me out of habits
of idleness and teach me to work"
That is the idea
And then lead ne to simplify nv
methods and invent things to make
my work lighter"
Yes"
And next l will become ambitious
to get rich, so that l won't have to
work at ALL
Naturally
We'll, what's the use of taking such
roundabout way of getting just
where l started? 1 don't have to work
now."-Washington Star.
Please, ma'am," said little Susan
Gratebar to Mrs. Staybolt, at whose
house she was staying to dinner.
will you give me little more aspara-
gustus?''
'Asparagustus, child?" said Mrs.
Staybolt; why, what under the
canopy can you mean?"
Why, suppose you call it aspara-
gus" said little Susan, "but my papa
doesn't allow us to use any nick
names. New York Sun.
He had taken his punishment like
little man and for some time after
ward had been buried in thought.
Mamma" he said, finally.
We'll, Willie?"
''Do you really spank me because
you love me so much?'
That's the reason I punish you,
Willie.''
And don't you love papa at all?"
-Tit-Bits.
Solicitor-If l am to draw up deed
between you agreeing to break off the
engagement, l ought to have some
grounds.
Mr.. SMITH looked through the
keyhole of the drawing-room last
orb
James were there and
Solicitor-Well, what did you find
out?
Mr.. Smith-The gas.-Illustrated
Bits
Farmer Medders-What's yer son
Hiram gOin' to do when he gifts
through college?
Farmer Corntassel-He's goin' to
stay right here on the farm till he
sorter begins to realize that they's one
or two things he don't know-St.
Louis Post-Dispatch
Charley Ito papa, who likes to spend
the evening at the tavern)-Papa,
help me with my example and I'll tell
you something.
Papa-What will you tell me?
Charley-I'll tell you where mamma
hid your boots-Fliegende Batter.
Wife-Here are some household
bills, dear, that came in today.
Husband-Hang it! Why can't you
wait until I've had my dinner?
Wife, was going to give you my
own bills then.-Puck.
His wife-Oh, Henry, you've been at
the saloon again!
He-No, dear Been temperansh
lecshur an drank in every word Man
mush said wishkey thousand times
New York World.
Il love to make visits in the morn
ing"
do you?"
eyes; all the other women are busy
cleaning house, and it is so funny to
see them try to act glad to see me-
Detroit Free Press.
"By the way, what is the difference
in time between here and New York;"
'It depends upon what sort Of time
you mean to cave, but in general
way, $40 an hour ought to cover it,"
Indianapolis Journal.
Little Ethel wish 1 had a new
IDOL.
Mamma--Your doll is as good as
ever.
Little Ethel-Well, am just as good
as ever too, but the angels gave you a
new baby.-Cincinnat Enquirer.
"Life's all JOKE" some will contend,
And gayety intense reveal
Whenever an unwary friend
Has slipped on luck's banana peel.
Washington Star.
THE BARONESS DE HIRSCH.
A friend of the late Baroness de
Hirsch writes to the London West
minister Gazette: Il am sorry to see
how all the obituary notices about her
in the English press only sneak of