The age-herald., 1899-09-17
FUNNY SAYINGS BY
 BIRMINGHAM TOTS

young lady saw wagon with country produce pass her mamma's gate and hast ened out to- see if 1t contained apples, of which she was very fond. Say. MT, have you any apples to sell?" she questioned.
 "Yes, Miss he replied, q have some fine horse apples"
 "Oh, they won't do. l don't want them for the horse" she explained T want to eat them myself"
 Her mamma had sent her down to tha
 grocer with instructions to countermand
 order previously given.
 MT" she said, mamma says you may
 cataract that order if you please"
 Mother had been teaching her little folks
 to carefully observe rules of hygiene, and
 the little fellow had observed her discard
 the feather beds. One night, on retiring he threw aside his pillow.
 Why don't you want a pillow" she en- quired.
 No he responded, "the pillows have
 feathers in them and that's why folks
 heads are so feathery.
 Mamma in a somewhat sentimental mood and was talking of the beauties of nature and of the intense feeling akin to
 pain," which our poet Longfellow speaks of as ''the electric thrill" produced by the starry canopy of tn eevening sky. swaying
 trees. and ripping brooks and other such things
 Yes" he responded, sympathetlcally, 'T know just how it feels. Every time think about going back to school next week my stomach all caves ini'' 'Well, Willie, going to school next
 week? He replied with somewhat less enthusiasm than he might have manifest ed had a picnic of a candy pulling been the subjec ito which reference was made "Yes, sir" he said. That's right. my boy; and what part of school do you like best?'
 "Comin' home," was the prompt and truthful answer. Bessie had been to the party and her
 mamma anxious to know that the little one had behaved nicely was questioning her. And did you tell her that you had had a nice time?"
 Nome" she replied, "I was too busy a havin' it' . Robert" the teacher asked, what is the chief end of man?"
 His head, ma'am," was the prompt re-
 sponse.
 Alice was watching with observant eyes
 as her mother wrote a letter. "Oh, mann
 ma," she exclaimed, you thread your pen with ink"
 Susie had heard of some person having a chronic illness and enquired the mean- | ing of chronic. A few days later some one asked, "Is not that your little brother cry- | ing?"
 "Yes." Then with deliberatien, "that' 5 | his critical condition. Clarence had been called fin the room because of misbehavior. Mamma, may l go tO Willie s'' he began. ''No, you must stay where you are" A moment passes. Mamma, let me go to play No" A | pause. Mamma, may I get something to eat?" "No, you may sit still. A pause. | Mamma" he began again, may l get my | blocks and build a house?' No. you are to be perfectly quiet" In desperation he | asks, Mamma, may I think?" Walter returned from church the other day and was asked to tell what was the | subject of the discourse. "T don't know eX- acty," he replied, "ony he talked sight about fppen the eunuch.' 'I don't want to go to Sunday school" '" she urged.
 Why nOt?" asked papa "Oh, I am tired hearing my teacher talk about pistle Paul and postle Peter. The two little folks were studying dili- gently and had finished nearly all the les- sons. "Oh, mel with a deep sigh she
 said, Now I am ready for the saddest thing in life. Hand me the rithmetic."