The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1899-08-11

3


them now 10 nave some aim IN ,
life, Of course."-Phlladelphia Bulletin.
Tommy-Grandpa. are kings and
queens always good? Grandpa-Not
always, my boy; not when there are
aces out against them.-B Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Gotham-So your marriage was
a failure? Mrs. Lakeside-Yes; but I'm
the preferred creditor-ali my hus-
bands property is in my name.-Town
Topics.
Primus-Dynamite is the most Won
derful invention of the age. Secundus
Why? Primus-There's nothing in
the world can hold a candle to lt.-Yale
Record.
Mrs. Styles-Do you read much fc-
ton? Mrs. Myles-Well. yes; l get a
letter nearly every day from my hus-
band when he's on the road.-Yonkers
Statesman.
He-Be mine, darling. You are the
lamp that alone can light my existence. /
She-Yes, dear; but papa doesn't think |
you are a good match for me.-Jewel-
ers' Weekly.
Facetious Cent can tell from your
looks that you believe in spiritualism.
Am I right? Solemn Waiter-Wel, 1
do have some faith in table-tipping.'-
indianapolis Journal.
First Negro-I hea Sam Yallerby
has eloped wifi a white mans wife.
Second Negro-Yais; de patriotic cuss
has took up de white mans burden
as Kipling says.-Judge.
Won Blumer-I am afraid we haven't
much for dinner, but such rs it is
Clinker-Don't make any excuses. old
man. Remember that l have dined at
your house before.-Detroit Free
Press.
Mrs. Henpeck Visiting her first hus-
bands grave)-Yes; here lies hero.
You would not be my husband to day
had he not been killed in the war. Mr..
Henpeck (iercely)-Yes; what a curse
war is-Tit-Bits.
One Sort.-"You sold this dog to me
for a bird-dog. He doesn't know
bird when he sees one. l took him out
yesterday and he wouldn't look at a
! DlIu W tllt uOM Was llt DAAu NOOh~
edT-Brooklyn Life.
Teacher to new scholar)-What is
your name?" New Boy-My name is
julie, sir. Teacher-You should have
said julius, sir And now, my lad"
turning to another lad, "what is your
name? bilious, sir."-Tit-Bits.
isn't San Tomas an English town.
asked Van BRAIN. "Of course not"
replied Dinwiddie. ITS a Philippine
town. What made you ask if 1t were
English?" 81 noticed that the II had
been dropped. "-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
He-Oh, by the way, the doctor ad'
vised me to eat a water cracker before
going TO bed; said it would prevent my
insomnia. Are there any in the house,
She-The only thing in the house ap
preaching a water cracker is the ice
pick.-Indianapolis Journal.
'Those Americans don't know how tC
run a war" said the Filipino, in dis
gust. whats the trouble?' They
insist on whipping us all at once, wher
they might as well have the glory o.
winning battles for the next five years
1t isn't economy."-Washlngton Star.
Brother John-And so the baby 4
four days old, is it? Pears like it's
pretty bright little thing for its age
: Sister Mary Cpityingly)-Bright! That
! not the word; it's a wonder. Why tn
' little precious breathes as natural ant
regular as an adult fifty years DID,
Judge.
, "Whats the use of keeping on askin
! all these questions, when the witnes
4. insists on saying, L don't known
n 'Perhaps there isn't a great deal @
use." answered the investigator. "Bu
It is something Of luxury to find
man in this town who is willing to az
nit there is anything he doesn't know
Washington Star.
Mr.. Meeker stepped out into II
kitchen a moment to speak a word
the new girl. "Yerena," he said, "whe
Won bring the turkey to the table pla'
II before Mrs. Meeker. She viii te
Won TO take it to me, and you can
so This will start things right al
you'll get along with Mrs. Meeker wit
ont any uouble."-Chicago Tribune.
"There is a cat sits every night {
orr back fence" he explained TO Il
Is lawyer, "and he yowls and yowls, al
n vowls. Now, l don't want to get in
a any trouble with my neighbor but
~ would like to know If am not jus
fed in putting a stop to IT. "Cersai
w." replied the lawyer. Il am We
within my rights if ! shoot the c.
Ia thenY" he inquired, gleefllly. "Ui
ID well. l would hardly say that" a
e1 swered the lawyer; "the cat does n
IL belong to you, as I understand it
It. mo" "And the fence doesY "Yei
ht "Wel. then, l think may safely s.
.ir that you have "a perfect right to te
OF down the fenee."-Chicago Post.
u Grocer Ito shopman)-Peter. o'
~ about three hundred pounds" "Y'
u sir" Il have two hundred pounds
Sc the safe, but the shop is empty;
~ think II is the right time TO fai
III .sThat's just what l think" But
u want a plausible pretext for my cr'
IS itors. You have plenty of brains; thi