The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1899-11-01
Mr.. DOOley Has the "Lah Grlp."


Mr.. Dooley was discovered making
seasonable beverage consisting of one
part syrup, two parts quinine and tif-
teen parts strong waters.
"What's the matter?" asked Mr..
McKenna.
"I have tn lab grip" said Mr..
Dooley, blowing his nose and WHIP
ing his eyes. "Bad cess to it'll Oh,
me poor back 1t feels as il dhray
had r-run over it. Did we liver have
it2 Ye did not2 Well, Ye'er lucky.
Ye'er lucky man.
II whit to McGlire's wake las week.
They give him dacint sind-off. No
pother. An himsilf looked natural
a. fine a corpse as Gavin liver laid out.
"Gavin told me 80 himsilf. He was
as proud iv Mcclure as if he owned
him; fetched half tn town in to look
at him, and give ivry man iv thin his
ca-ards. He near frightened OIL man
Dugan into faint. 'Misther Dugan,
how oln a-are YEP 'Sivinty-fve, thanks
be- says Dugan. Thin says Gavin,
'take wan iv me ca.ards,' he says. Il
hope yen not forget me- he says.
"'Twas there l got tn lab grip.
lIdsbCWhJb blb LuO ODlulOu Nv bnOuRh
TIL doctor says l swallowed bug. 1t
don't seem right, Jawn, for tn Nc
CURES is clane family, but tn doctor
says bug got into me system. What
sort of bugp says l. "A lab grip bug
he says. 'Yez have mickrobes in ye'er
lung he says. whats thim2' says |.
'Thm's tn lab grip bugs says he.
'Ye took wan in an warmed it, he
says, AN ii has growed an multiplied
till ye'er system does be full iv thim,'
lie says, millions iv thim,' he says,
'ma-archin' an counther marchin'
through ye.' GLORY be to tn saints
says I. Had betther swallow some
insect powdhre?' 1 says. Some iv
thin in me head has had fallin' out
an is THROWN bricks Foolish man.
says be. go to bed,' he says, AM
lave thin alone he says. 'Whin they
find who they're in he says, they'll
quit ye.'
$50 1 whit to bed an waited while
tn mickrobes had fun with me. Mon
dab all iv thin was quiet but thin in
me stumI lex. They stayed up late
dhrinkin' an carousin' an dancin' jigs
till wurrads come up bechune tn Ker-
ry mickrobes an thin firm Wixford,
an tn whole pa-arty wint over to me
lift lung where they cud get tn air,
an had it out. Th' nex' day tn little
mickrobes made toboggan slide iv me
spine, an manetime some mickrobes
that was wur-rkin' FIR tn telephone
comp'ny got in their heads that me legs
was poles, put on spikes an climbed
all night long.
"They was tired out mex day till
thin that was in me head flushed out
tn rooms an knew they're was goin'
to be doin's in the top fat. What did
thin mickrobes in me head do but in
vte all tn other mickrobes in f'r tn
avnin'. They all come. Oh, be gar,
they was not wan iv thin stayed away.
At six O'Clock they begun to move
from me shins to me thrawt. They
come in patoons an squads an
dhroves. Some iv thin brought along
brass bands, an more than wan hun
bred thousand iv thin dhrove through
me pipes in dhrays. A throlly line
was started up me back an ivry car
r-run into wagon load iv scrap iron at
th' base iv me skull.
9Th mickrobes in me head must've
done thimsilves proud. Ivry few min
Wits some wan iv tn kids ID be STINT out
with thu can an I'd say to mesilf:
'There they go carryin' tn thrade to
Schwartzmeister' because Pm sick an
can't wait on Thin was daffy,
Jawn, dye mind. Thu likes iv me
film pitcher FIR little boy bug! Ho,
hol Such dhreams. An they had q
game iv forty fves and there was wan
mickrobe there that larned to play tn
game in the county Tipp'rary, where
tits played on stone, an ivry time he
led thrumps he'd like to knock me
head off. who's thrick is that?' says
the Tipp'rary Mickrobe. IT'S mine
says little red-headed Mckrobe firm
the County Roscommon. They tipped
over tn chairs an labels an in less
time than it takes to tell tn whole
pa-arty was at it. They'd been a hur
lin game in thu back iv me skull an
tn young folks was dancin' break
downs an havin' teppin-matches in mi
forehead, but they all stopped to mi1
in. Oh, twas grand shindy-tin mil
lions iv thin min, women an childhe
rowin' on tn flure, hands an fee
ooin' icenicks an hurlin' sticks. clubs