Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1899-06-22
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Shc-My face is my fortune.

showing them how to have some aim in
me, of course. '-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Tommy-Grandpa, are kings ana
queens always good? Grandpa-Not
always. my boy; not when there are
aces out against thenl.-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs, Gotham-So your marriage was
failure? Mrs. Lakeside-Yes; but I'm
the preferred crcdtor-all my hus-
bands property is in my name.-Town
Topics.
1'rlmus-Dynamite is the most Won
derful invention of the age. Secundus
Willy! Primus-Thcre's nothing in
the world can hold Il candle to it.-Yale
Record.
MIS-. Stylcs-Do you read much fic-
ton! Mrs. Myles-Wcll. yes; | get a
letter nearly every day from my hus-
band when he's on the d-Yonkers
Statesman.
He-Be mine, darling. You are the
lamp that alone can light my existence.
She-Ies, dear; but papa doesn't think
you are good match for me.-Jewel-
ers' Weekly.
Facetious Cent can tell from your
looks that you believe in spritualism.
Am l right? Solemn Waiter-Well.
do have some faith in table tipping.'-
indianapolis Journal.
First Negro-I hea Sam Yallcrby
has eloped wifi Il white mans wife.
Second Ncgro-Yais; de patriotic cuss
has took up de white mans BURDEN
as kipling says.-Judge.
Won Blumer-I am afraid we haven't
much for dinner, but such as it is
Cllnker-DOn't make any excuses. old
man. Remember that | have dincd ut
your house before. Detroit Free
Press.
Mrs. 1lenpeck visiting her first hus-
bands grave)--Ics; here lies Il hero.
You would not he my husband to day
had he not been killed in the war. Mr..
1lenpcck uerccly)-Yes; what curse
war iS.-Tit-BitS.
one Sort.-''Iou sold this dog to me
for bird-dog. He doesn't know
bird when he secs one. | took him out
yesterday and he wouldn't look at Il
bird" "Well, how was the bird cook
cd:"-Brooklyn Life.
Teacher ito new scholar)-What is
your Nance New Boy--My name is
julie, sir. Tcachcr-You should have
said Julius, sir. And now, my lad"
turning to another lad, "what is your
name? bilious, sir"-Tit- Bits.
'lsn't San Tomas an English town.
asked Van Braam. "Of course not"
replied Dinwiddie. Its Philippine
town. What made you ask if it were
English" 81 noticed that the n had
been dropped. "-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
Ile-Oh, by the way, the doctor adj
vised me to eat Il water cracker before
going to bed; said it would prevent my
insomnia. Are there any in the house?
She-The only thing in the house APP
preaching a water cracker is the ice
pick.-Indianapolis Journal.
",ThOSe Americans don't know how to
run war" said the Filipino, in dis
gust. "What's the trouble!' "They
they might as we'll have the glory of
winning battles for the next five years.
1t isn't economy. Washington Star.
Brother .John-And so the baby Is
four days Old is it? Pears like it's Il
pretty bright little thing for its age.
Sister Mary Observation-Disclosures. That's
not the word; it's wonder. Why the
little precious breathes as natural and
regular as an adult fifty years DID,
Judge.
"What's the use Of keeping on asking
all these questions, when the witness
insists on saying, 4 don't know"
perhaps there isn't a great deal OF
Use" answered the investigator. but
it is something of luxury to find a
man in this town who is willing to adj
nit there is anything he doesn't know
Washington Star.
Mr.. Mcellcr stepped out into the
kitchen moment TO speak word to
the new girl. "Ncrena he sail, "When
YOU bring the turkey to the table place
if before Mrs. Mccker. She will tel
YOU to take 1t 10 me, anu YOU till wv
so. This will start things right ana
vou'll cct along with Mrs. Mcckcr with
ONT any trouble. '-t hicago Tribune.
"Thcrc is Il cat sits every night on
our back fence" he explained to the
lawyer. land he yowls, and yowlS, and
vowls. Now, don't want 10 get into
any trouble with my neighbour but |
would like to know if am not iuSti-
fled in putting Il stop to 1T "tHrtAiA-
w." replied the lawyer. II am well
within my rights if | shoot the cat
then?" he inquired glcef lily. "tm,
we'll. would hardly say that an
swered the lawyer; 1.-THE cat does not
belong to you. as l understand it:'
NO" "And the fence docs:" "Nes.'
"Well, then, think | may safely say
that you have {, perfect right to tear
down the fence. Chicago Post.
Grocer TO n-Pctcr. | owe
about three hundred pounds YES.
sir" 81 have two hundred pounds in