Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1899-06-17
YOU CAN'T BEAT EN-.
THIS WAS JoBsoNs CONCLUSION
ABOUT WOMEN IN GENERAL.

1t Was Prompted by n Midnight Ex-
perience with His Wife, In which
the Revenge That he Had Planned
So Well Went Sadly Astrny.
Mr.. Jobson got home from bis Office
at Ais one afternoon not long ago and
found a note from Mrs Jobsop saying
that she had gone to hear the perform
ance Of long haired pianist and that
he'd find his dinner all ready for the
girl to serve 1t.
That's good thing. too, )" unused
Mr. Jobson sulkily when he had read
the note. ats wonder these mattress
headed geniuses that come over here to
this country and rake in American dol
lars, hating Americans all the time.
wouldn't call their game at an hour
that nd permit toiling mans wife to
be on hand at hcme to give him some
thing to eat when he wants 1t, etc.
The opportunity was too good for
Mr.. Jobson to miss, so he declined to
eat any dinner when the servant put it
on the table Instead he slammed on
his hat and went down town
He wanted to give Mrs. Jobson les
son. He ate an unsatisfactory dinner at
g restaurant and then poked around
until it was time for variety theater
to open its doors he had to watch g
lot of poorly played billiard games IN
order to put in this time and to talk
with a lot Of bachelors. from whose
ways Of thinking he had departed.
Ee was bored exceedingly by theater
time. The show bored him still more,
but he stuck it out. for he wanted to
get home as late as possible, the better
to rub It in on Mrs. Jobson. By II
o'clock be reflected that he had had
pretty poor sort Of an evening-his
evening paper unread. his favortte pipe
neglected for a lot OF cigars that gave
him heartburn. poor dinner, idle talk
with a slew Of men that he didn' { want
to talk to, and finally tawdry, cheap
variety performance that might have
got laugh out of him ten years before,
but was only SO much ribaldry to him
now.
He took in a couple more billiard
games, however. after the show and
threw a couple of cocktails into him
self, not because be cared to drink, but
because he wanted Mrs Jobson to smell
his breath and thus perceive the awful
consequences Of her conduct.
Mrs. Jobson was comfortably tucked
in bed when Mr.. Jobson got home
about half an hour after midnight. She
had not even left light burning in
the vestibule or in the bedroom. She
woke up very leisurely when Mr.. job
son started one Of the gas jets going.
She didn't say anything. however.
Mr.. Jobson had expected 10 find her
up, fully dressed and in tears. He was
disappointed. he was more disappoint-
ed that she didn't greet him with re-
pinings Mr.. Jobson saw that she was
likely to go to sleep again and that he
wasn't causing any grief at all by be-
ing naughty and keeping still So he
cleared his throat and said:
"Did ne play the buck dance concerto
in minor with his hair. and how was
itS"
There was g lot of sarcasm in the
way Mr.. Jobson asked this question.
Mrs. Jobson didn't turn over at all.
"What are you talking aboutf" she
inquired sleepily.
AT want to know If that Dutchman
that kept you away from your duty Of
serving meal to your husband after
his day Of grinding labor gave you Jour
moneys worth; also if you think you're
making any kind Of hit with anybody
by these methods, hey?"
ooh. the recital; that's what you re
speaking of. ism t it?" said Mrs. Jobson
sweetly. "Well, / didn't go. ! had in
tended to go when started out shop
ping in the morning and left the note
for you telling you SO, but I thought it
might annoy you to have me away
from dinner, and so, when concluded
my shopping. about 4 O'Clock this after
noon. decided not to go to the recital
The Fourteenth street car that brought
me up town passed the car that took
you down town. saw you on the car
and wondered why you were going in
that direction. suppose you had to go
back to your Office to work. It's shame
full the way they're overworking you.
you poor old thing and then Mrs.
Jobson, VINO knew that Mr. Jobson
hadn't been working at his Office, turned
over and subsided into dreamy slumber.
"You can't beat EN-, thought Mr..
Jobson when he got into bed. He was
thinking Of women in general Wash
!ngsoo Star.
Mr. P. Ketchsn, of Pike City, Cal,
aanl LtDnrinn mn hrnthar,c Loot 9: OBJ