davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1899-01-20

In 1850 the highest house in New
York city had only FIVE stories.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1899-01-20

Keeper-Then she picked the catch
on her handouts, dug through a two
foot wall Of stone, took out pane Of
plate glass by removing the putty,
and then opened the big lock on the
gate. What tools had shei
Matron None whatever. Stay.
Good gracious, forgot to take away
her hairpnsl
Keeper-Then pursuit is useless.
She still has them. STRAY Stories.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1899-01-20

The rivers in Northern Russia were
frozen this year before the end of Oc-
tober.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1899-01-20
Easily Gotten over.

A cripple from a sprain is one who
neglects to use st. Jacobs Oil to cure 1t.
Prompt use Of it brings prompt cure,
and the trouble is gotten over easily.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1899-01-20
Pains and Aches
OF rheumatism Make Countless
Thousands Suffer.

Thousands Suffer.
But this disease is cured by Hoods Sar-
saparila, which neutralizes the acid in the
blood. If you have any symptoms Of
rheumatism take Hoods Sarsaparilla at
once and do not waste time and money on
unknown preparations. The merit Of
Hoods sarsaparilla is unquestloned and
its record Of cures unequalled.
Hoods Sarsaparilla
Is Americas Greatest Medicine for rheumatism
nnnd,a pills cnre nll liver ills. 2b cents.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1899-01-20
RUPTURE CURED.

We guarantee TO fit every case we undertake.
Don't put il off; write for particulars at once.
G. II. WOODAKD a. CO., Expert Truss
Filters, l0S Second Street, Portland, Or.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
Cheap Lumber.

/ have lot of OAK BOARDS Eight Feet
Long, of good quality and not suitable for
shiomeDt, being so short; good for sbeathiDg
and for fences or other uses in buildings. that
OF her boards OF other lengths, of not such good
quality, at the same price. All well piled and
seasoned.
April 26, 1899. z. N. ALLEN.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
WISDOM FROM A LUNATIC.

There is place near Glasgow
where a railway track runs for some
distance beside the fence of a lunatic
asylum. At one time some workmen
were busy repairing the track when an
inmate of the asylum approached one
of the laborers, and from his position
on the inner side of the enclosure, be.
gan a somewhat personal converse.
ton.
Hard work, that" he said.
"Troth, an it is" replied the lab.
orer
What pay dae We get?"
sixteen bob a week.
"Are We mairret?'
II am, worse luck-and have six
children besides"
A pause; then said the lunatic-"I'm
thinking, ma man, ye're on the wrong
side o. the fence"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
ANECDOTE OF REV. LORENZO
DOW.

One of the most unconventional and
startling proposals Of marriage on re-
cord was that of Lorenzo Dow, an
eloquent and popular old-time minis
ter. Mr.. Dow had mourned his wife
for a year, and thought it was high
time to replace her. One day at the
close of his sermon he electrified his
congregation by announcing:
II am a candidate for matrimony,
and if any woman in this congrega-
ton would care to take me, let her
rise"
After a modest interval two ladies
rose from their seats, one at the foot
of the pulpit and the other at the back
of the church. The reverend gentle
man inspected them for a moment,
and then said:
"As the one nearest to me was the
first to rise, l will make her my wife;
and now we will sing Hymn Num-
ber-."
Such an audacious proposal de-
served the happy union which follow
ed it, and Mr.. Dow was not less con-
tented with his choice because she
was amply supplied with this worlds
goods.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
HOW BIRDS HELP Us.

Birds do an immense amount of
drudgery for man, if they do now and
then reward themselves by a dainty
tidbit OF ripening fruit. A pair Of
robins have been watched while they
carried a thousand earthworms to
their brood. Woodpeekers destroy
eggs and Larvae which would develop
millions of destructive creatures 10
forests and orchards; and one of the
most inevitable foes of the canker
worm is the beautiful oriole, were it
but allowed to live and hang it's swing
cradle to the elm. For every wing of
black an orange on a young girls hat
an apple tree is stripped of leaves and
young fruit, or an elm is denuded Of
its graceful foliage by the eanker
worm.-Farm Journal.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
VOL. XLIV---NO "a
HE WAS NOT A KICKER.

Ben Ridgeley, a Louisville, Ken
| lucky, newspaper man, who for the
| first twenty years of his life had been
accustomed to feeding on champagne
and diamond-back terrapin, has for
the past twenty years been having a
catch-as can wrestling match with the
usual boarding house spread, and is
still alive but weak. One day, early
in the spring, he went TO his landlady
with complaint.
Madam" he said, with a demi-
semi quaver in his voice, haven't
been a pretty coed boarder for the
two years l have been with you?n
why, Mr.. Ridgeley, of course you
have" replied the lady in surprise.
"Yes, and when you gave us eggs
with feathers on, did l ever kick ?''
"Wha-what's that2n stammered
the woman, thrown off her balance by
the suddenness of the blow.
"And did ever insist on your clip
ping their wings2''
''Sir, DON'T
And didn't keep right on, even
though you let the butter wear it's
bair banged, when you knew l hated
bangs?"
Mr.. Ridgeley, this is going too"
And did | complain, when l found
button in my pie, because there
wasn't any buttonhole in the flapf''
Sir, won't stand this any"
"And did REPORT you to the Society
of Prevention of Cruelty when pick
ed that poor, helpless cockroach out
of the biscuit?'
Shut up, you"
"Yes, and when l found a minnow
in the milk, did ask you whether
you MIXED your cow with a fishing
pole or seine ?"
VIVA wha-wha-"
Don't mention it, madam. When
the steak was little tough, was one
of the boarders who sent a buzz-saw
and steam engine up to the house ~
"1-I-I-"
Don't get excited, madam. Did l
ever inquire whether you drew your
tea with windlsss or a chain pumpY'
"oh, you villain, you wretch,
II hear you, madam, and l want to
ask if ever reflected on your molasses
can by asking if you had a patent on
that fly trap?n
"Oh-oh-oh you-oh-"
II ask, madam, did l ever do any of
these things? And l answer by say
ing, Never, no never. Therefore, I
want to know why in the thunder, ex-
cuse my forcible language, please,
when they bring me plate of soup
with dish-rag in it, they don't bring
along pair of scissors to cut the
blamed thing up so man won't choke
on it. That's all, madam.
When the lady was resuscitated,
Ben was compelled to go outinto the
cold, cold world and get another
boarding house. Such is woman's
inhumanity to man.-1Merchant Irac-
eleT.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
GIRLS IDEA OF BOYS

At an examination in a certain
school for girls an essay on Boys"
was ordered written, and this was one
of the compositions:
1.-The boy is not an animal, and yet
he can be heard 20 a considerable dis
lance. When boy hollers he opens
his mouth like frogs, but girls hold
their tongue till they are spoke to,
and they answer respectable, and tell
just how it was. A boy thinks he is
clever because he can wade where it
is deep, but God made the dry land
for every living thing, and rested on
the seventh day. When the boy grows
up he's called a husband and stays
out nights. but the grew up girl is a
widow and keeps house,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
OUTSTRIPPING FATHER TIME.

If the North Pole is ever reached
tie adventurous spirits who get there
will find that they have actually out
stripped Father Time altogether-in
fact, he will have given up the race
entirely, for at the northern and south
ern extremities of the earth's axis
there is no fixed time at all. At any
moment it can be either noon or mid
night, breakfast time or supper time,
work time or play time, whichever
you like. Clocks will be fraud and
a delusion, for at the pole all degrees
of longitude converge into one, and
therefore all times. The possibilities
Of such position are endless. Not
only, too, will the clocks be out of
time, but the calendar as well. 1t can
be at will either yesterday, today, or
tomorrow.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
VARIETIES.

Mamma, what would you do if
that big vase in the parlor should get
brokenY'' said Tommy. II sbo1!d
spank whoever did it," said Mrs.
Banks, gazing severely at her little
son, "Well, then, you'd better begin
to get up your muscle" said Tommy.
gleefully, "coz pap's broke it."-Har-
peT'S Bdzar.
Its too bad" said little Bessie,
that there isn't another little Peters
boy" 'They have Six" said her
mother. II should consider that
about enough" WELL" said the
little girl, "they can all take each
other clothes as they grow up. but
there isn't any one to take little John
MES, and it seems kind of wasteful."
-HdTper'S Bazaar.
THAT may be-" said old Schoolmaster Brown.
"A conjunction or else pronoun;
But I'll declare flat
In regard to that that,
That that that that that man used's noun" /.
-Algy-"What did you do when old
Bootstraps caught you kissing his
daughter?' Freddy-"Why, first
started to argue, then started to ex-
plain, then l started to apologize, and
then | started to run, out, bah Jove,
it was too late; should have done
that in the first place."
-She-"I don't think mother likes
to have Inc sit alone with you" HE
why not?' She-"Well, she is
afraid you might try to kiss me-"
Mrs. Stubb--"John, is that you
coming home at such an unearthly
hour?" MIR. Stubb--"Yes, M-Maria;
the club had IL little D-Dewey toast
tonight" Mrs. Stubb-"Well, you
remind me of Dewey" Mr.. Stubb-
"In what way, NJ MariaF" Mrs. Stubb
"A long time coming home"
"A Yankee came running down to
a pier just as a steamer was starting.
The boat moved off some four or five
yards, as he took a jump, and coming
down on the back of his head on deck,
he lay stunned for two or three min
utes. When he regained his senses
the boat had gone the best part of a
quarter of a mile. and raising his head
and looking to the shore, the Yankee
said: Great Jehosaphat! what q
jump"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
HIGH PRICE FOR STRAIGHTNESS.

One of the difficult problems in prac-
tical mechanics is to make a straight.
edge" How difficult it is may be
judged from an incident which occur
red in the shops of ]. A. Brashear, the
astronomical instrument maker. A
customer asked Mr.. Brashear what
would be the price of "a perfect
straight edge of glass 36 nohes long"
ut can't be made absolutely per-
feet" said Mr.. Brashear, but it
could probably be made with a limit
of error amounting to only fraction
of wave length of light"
"How much would that costS'',
About SAC, 900.
1t turned out that the customer
wanted the straight edge for scrap
er and that an error of one sixty-fourth
of an inch would have been insensible
for his purpose. Youths Companion.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
An EDITORS HARD LUCK.

Here are some of the terrible things
which. according to a country e9-
change, are likely to befalI delin-
quent. Here is what the editor says !:
Last week delinquent subscriber
said he would pay up Saturday if he
lived. He's dead. Another, "I'll see
you tomorrow" He's blind. Still
another one said: Il hope to pay
you this week or go to the devil"
He's gone. There are hundreds who
ought to take warning by there pro-
crastinators and pay up their sub.
scriptions now.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
The ACKNOWLEDGMENT.
10 Published Every Friday.

TERMs.-e1.OO A Year in advance
Transient Neutrality-suspicious. Square, 8
insertions or less S1.5O. Each subsequent in
sertion 25 cents. Longer advertisements in
the same proportion. A space equal to six
lines makes q square. Figure work double
price.
Obituaries and Personal Communications
will be inserted at 10 cents per line.
Yearly Advertisements at Special Rates.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08
Ynetical.
L CAN AND VILL.

CAN AND UILL.
Can The Is fiery youth,
And Will Il brother twin;
And arm in arm, in love and truth,
They'll either die or win.
Shoulder to shoulder, ever ready,
All firm and fearless still,
The brothers labor, true and steady
i Can and brave Will.
Can climbs to the mountain top,
And ploughs the billowy main;
He lifts the hammer in the shop,
And drives the saw and plane.
Then say 81 cam" yes, let it ring;
There is volume there;
There's meaning in the eagles wing;
Then soar, and do, and dare.
Oh, Danish from you every Can't,
And show yourself a man;
And nothing will your purpose daunt,
Led by the brave Can.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-08

Smith (who has just jumped off a
moving trolley car which is now out of
sighD: II say, did you see hat that
blew from that trolley carr" Yes;
threw it back to the conductor"
Great Scott! I've just jumped off
after itr'
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-08-19
]. e. Rnrr is AT Spring Lake

Miss Mary Hurley IS at Pond Eddy.
Charles d. Oldknow has returned from
New York.
Mr.. w. r.. Hughes Of The Tribune
staff is at Atlantic City.
Miss Winifrcd Howe, of Capouse ave-
nuc, is visiting in Boston.
Miss Cora Farnham, of Edna avenue,
is visiting at Clarks Green.
Mr.. j. &. Weichel has returned from
DroVcr's Home, Monroe county.
Professor j. L. Wagner and family
have returned from Ocean Grove.
Mrs $ +. Addyman, of Monsey avenue,
is the guest of relatives in Binghamton.
B II. Stevens and family, Of Capouse
avenue, have returned from Atlantic
city.
ID. J. Evans Is at Asbury Park for
few days after which he will visit New
York
Mr. and Mrs, Thomas Barrowman have
returned from a months stay at Bel
mar, n. ].
Miss Margaret Callahan, Of New York
has been the guest of Miss KNITTED, of
jefferson avenue, the past week
Professor and Mrs. Thorpe Of Forest
city, are the guests of c. r.. 1obey, pri-
tendent of the mining and real estate de
partment of the Lackawanna road, at his
CapOuse avenue residence,
Mr.. and Mrs, George Il. Weeks and
Miss Harriet Williams OF this city,
Misses May and Marjorie Haslam, Fam
ME Dershimer and Lottic Smith Messrs
George and Charles Smith, Of Dalton
comprise camping party that has
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-08-19

Shelter Island must have been a
specimen Of the Garden of Eden, picked
up and located to more advantage
than the early summer resort of our
first parents. 1t is all very we'll to
have four rivers and big tree in the
midst Of the garden, the latter having
special arrangements for getting us all
into a heap of trouble, but for a sum
mer home rivers aren't anywhere in
comparison with Long Island Sound
and the wide, magnificent eXpanse of
shimmering waves fading out into the
ocean.
The level sandy beaches along the
New Jersey coast have their charms
and the sand dunes of Nantucket and
Block Island, the rocky palisades
of Maine and the inets and
bays of Rhode Island and Massa-
chusetts are joy forever, but
for riotOus beauty, shelter ISL
and surpasses anything. Pennsyl-
vanians, coming from a state which
has beggared itself of trees and forest $
in it's greed for gain are prepared to
appreciate the wooded bluffs sweeping
down in stately line To the bay and to
marvel at the magnificent trees, the
growth of centuries, which are found
on every hand.
The beauteOus island is phenomenal
in its diversity of scenery. The finest
possible drives lead across it in every
direction. and while from one abrupt
rise the blue waters, dotted with Ves-
sells, sweep round in every direction,
a few rods farther on one could fancy
being in the heart of a rich farming
district. broken by fine stretches of
woodland and fair landscape In a
moment the road turns to come upon a
splendid villa set among the trees with
a water outlook enhancing at every
point.
The island has come down in un-
broken succession, the present owners
of a large portion of it being lineal
descendants Of those who first re-
ceived H. as a manorial grant from the
king. 1t is not always remembered
by the summer visitor that the name
was given because it was a shelter for
prosecuted Quakers who there found
refuge from the stake and the torture
chamber. Roger Williams, George
Fox and many other illustrous mem
bers Of the Society Of Friends were
sheltered there. In secluded part of
the woodland, belonging to the Hors-
ford estate, is a tablet relating the
story Of this shelter" afforded by the
Sylvesters and the GARDENERS, who
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-08-19
Thus Are We Judged.

This is the maxim they swear most by,
And the young reporter may take the
hint:
cit isn't the stun YOU write that counts,
But what gets INTO print"
Reams and reams of paper are filed
Each day by sCratchy pen,
With burning thoughts and eloquent
words
From the teeming brains of men.
And the editor sits with his pencil blue
And winnows the wheat from the chaff,
And what survives Of the stuff writ down
Is a good bit less than half
Men who win are the men who iind
The shortest way the best;
They write no more than they have to
write,
And the desk man does the rest,
And this should the adjective worshiper
know;
The reporter wins renown
As much by the stuff he doesn't write
As by that which he writeth down.
Mark, then, the maxim they swear most
by
It's a rule OF the office, hard as flint,
1T isn't the stun you write that counts,
But what gets into print"
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-08-19
Movements of Pc0Dle

Mrs. W. T. Hackett is at Summit Lake
for a few days.
Mrs. Mary Rays and son are at New
England resort.
Mr.. and Mrs. II. c. SaHderson were at
Preston Park this week.
Miss Frederika Derman has returned
from a visit i'm Michigan.
Mr.. James +, Dickson and family are
at the Naill cottages, Block Island.
Mr.. @. f. Reynolds ana family are
spending a fortnight at Lake Ariel.
Miss Sarah Deem, Of Danvillc, is the
guest of Miss SprG que ON quincy ave-
nue..
MIR. d. f. Taylor and family have gone
for a coast trip TO remain for several
weeks.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-08-19
pitched it's tents on the shores of Lily

pitched its tents on the shores of Lily
Lake.
Rev. c. d. Moore and family are at
Unityville, Pa.
Rev. l.. II. Waring is spending a few
weeks at Tyrone, Pa
r. b. Williams left for an extended stay
in California yesterday.
George l.. Weaver and family have re-
turned from Atlantic city.
William Morris, the shoe merchant, is
home from a visit AT Philadelphia.
L. Kays has returned from the Wyo-
ming camp grounds and Harvey's Lake.
Mrs. T.. b. Franklin and son are home
| from stay at Carbondale and Waymart
Miss Elizabeth Cadden, bOOkkeeper at
Seaman's grocery, is sojourning at Lake
Ariel.
Miss Nellie Seward. of Ridge Row has
| returned from a stay at the Thousand
| Islands.
Mrs. c. I. Silverburg and son. Harold,
| of Wyoming avenue, have returned from
| Lake Ariel.
Mrs. John johnson. of Park Place, is
at the Dimock camp ground, Susque-
| hanna county.
Miss May Lesig, of Shenandoah. is Wis
iting her sister, Mrs b. F. Laudig, of Si5
| Prescott avenue.
Miss Glass and Miss Scott. of Bing-
Kmmercr OF Madison avenue.
G. G. Boland is at Pittsburg and will
visit Alliduipa before his return, where
| the Western Association of Heptasophs
| has celebration.
Martin j. O'Malley, Of the Truth, is
able to be around after an operation for
appendicitis. performed by DR.. r. II.
Gibbons and son, DR.. Miles Gibbons. Mr..
O'Malley is repidly regaining strength
and will resume his duties in a few
| weeks.
| DIR. Gardner and family have been
! camping at La Grange for the past fort
night.
Attorney John r. Edwards has re.
turned from Block Island and a trip up
| the Hudson.
Mr.. and Mrs G. L. Dickson and Mr..
| Walter NJ. Dickson and family are at a
| Jersey coast resort.
Mrs Paulina Peeler and Miss Peeler,
of Philadelphia, are visiting Mrs. j. II.
| Kerst on Webster avenue.
Mrs A. b. Hazlett and family, who
! have been spending the summer at Lake
| Ariel, have returned home.
Mrs J. II. Mulley and Miss Cora Farm
| ham. of Edna avenue, are the guests OF
| the Misses Robinson, of Clark's Green.
! p. OKoefe, II. II. Swelly, Charles W.
! Roberts and wife, G, A. Godfrey George
| l.. Dickson and wife and w. NJ Dickson,
| Of this city, were registered at the St.
| Denis, in New York. this week
| Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Gesser, Of Glib
son street; Mr.. and Mrs. Jacob Baas, of
| Taylor avenue; Mrs Hess of Monroe
avenue, and Miss Matte Haendiges, OF
| Vine street, are spending a few days at
| Sea Cliff. Long Island.
The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-08-19

from the Fart of Sterling and he from
the king tafter the Narragansett In
dians), had received the manor. Two
solitary womenl single and of ad-
Vancng years. occupy the old manor
house, pure colonial in style. with its
box hedges. it old garden, English in
every detail, and it's splendid trees,
which in its seclusion and decaying
magniticence of a forgotten age is
worth a long journey to see in our
bric-a- -braC day of the world
1t is small wonder that Mr.. f. L.
Fuller has chosen this island as a
place for a summer home. Mr.. and
Mrs. Fuller are enjoying to the full
the loNeliness of the resort, and have
their large and commodious residence
in the shadow of the largest oak tree
on the island, a tree so colossal, so
beautiful, as to give a revelation Of
the charm of Drudism. They have
steam yacht and have also taken down
both driving and saddle horses, and
thus their guests, of which they are
entertaining a succession this season
cannot fail to find COngenial amuse-
ment. The bathing is fine, and Mrs
Fuller is one of the best swimmers in
the throng Of MONDAY bathers.
Shelter Island is one of the stations
Of the New York Yacht club. and on
the occasion of the clubs visit there
last week, Mr. and Mrs Fuller enter
tatned a number of prominent yachts
men at luncheon. On Saturday night
birthday dinner was given for Mr..
Mortimer Fuller. when many Man
hanset guests were entertained, to-
gether with the members of the house
party including Miss Eleanor Andcr.
son, Miss Amy Jessup, Mr. Guerin, Of
| New York; Messrs. Edward Holland
| and Robert Frey Of this city. This
| week Mr.. and Mrs. Fuller have at their
| home Mr.. and Mrs. b. T.. Watson. Miss
| Hunt, Miss Linberg, Of Trenton, n.
/ j.; Messrs Il. s. and f. b. Fuller and
| DR.. j. w. Decker
The Scranton contingent has distin-
| guished itself on the golf links at Shell
| ter Island this season. Mr.. j. II.
! Brooks, when there, made the best rec
| ord of the course, and his playing at
| tracted much attention from some OF
| the most famous amateurs Of the coun-
| try who were at the Manhanset. Last
| week Miss Eleanor Anderson won an
| exquisite crystal and silver cup at an
| important match. The course is a
| rather fine one Of nine holes: the greens
are not. however, in first-class condi-
tion, but there is much interest in the
| game.
! Mr. and Mrs Henry Bein, jr are
| entertaining a house party in honor of
their son, La Motto, at their beautiful
country place, Glenverly, near Waver-
| ly. Among the guests are Miss Ger
| trude Sprague. Miss Anna Archibald
Miss Amy Jessup; Messrs, HickoCk
and Gilbert, of Harrisburg, and Thay-
er, of Buffalo.
Mr.. and Mrs. f. S. Godfrey are enter
tanning house party at Lake Winola
where, among the guests, are Mr.. and
Mrs, Il. IL. Davis, Mrs. NJ Torrey, Miss
Bessie Dean, Miss Torrey, Miss Bessle