The Mitchell capital. (Mitchell, Dakota [S.D.]) 1879-1918, 1899-07-21

AT recent horse race at Perak, in
the Malay peninsula, the sun blazed
down on field of hot, excited horses
and men, waiting till the eccentricities
OF the starter and an even more eccen.
trio horse should combine to get them
IN line. The patience of the former
was at last exhausted. Bring up that
horse! Come up on that beast! You'll
get into trouble over this, tell you,"
and SO forth. Il can't help it, SIR" re-
Piled the Australian lightweight
jockey, patiently, ''this is a cab horse,
this 'orse is. He won't start till the
door shuts-and-I haven't got a door,"
AT military bazaar in England an
officer thought he fancied a certain ar
ticle exposed for sale at one of the
stalls, and he was certain he fancied
the lady who presided at the stall. He
| remarked, therefore, that he thought
That particular article very pretty. The
lady said: Eyes, it is very pretty. My
| mother sent it," 'Ah, really''-pursued
| the officer, determined to discover the
name of the owner of the eyes that had
| beWitched him-''really, let me sec-I
think l have met your mother. Her
name is" THE Queen Of England,'
answered the lady. The officer did not
wait for the fancied article.
Bret Harte is so frequently compli-
mented as the author of Little
Breeches," that he is almost as sorry
it was ever written as is Col John Hay,
who would prefer his fame to rest on
more ambitious work. A gushing lady,
who prided herself upon her literary
tastes, said to him once: ''My dear MI.
Iarte, l am SO delighted to meet you.
l have read everything you ever wrote,
but OF all your dialect verse there is
none that compares to your Little
BreecheS. Il quite agree with you
madam said Mr.. Harte, "but you
have put the little breeches on the
wrong man.
y man who recently returned from
a trip to New England overheard two
Southerners talking over their expert
ences on their first visit to Boston.
You know these here little. round,
white beans.' said one. The other au-
mitted that he did. I'VE feed 'em to
hosses down our way" Yes" well,
sir, up to Boston they take them beans,
boil 'em fo" three or four hours, slap a
little sowbely, an some molasses, and
some other truck in with 'enl, and what
do YOU suppose they do with 'em:"
Gosh, 1 do no." "Well, sir" said the
first speaker sententiously, Pm id
| if tley don't eat emu
On the second day out, one Of the
sailors on a White Star steamer had a
bad fall and sustained a severe cut on
his. head. One Of the ladies on board
was very solicitous about him. and in
quired of the captain that evening how
he was doing. Rough weather came
on, and she was compelled to forget
the wounded sailor in her own suffer.
ing. -Four days later, when she emerg-
ed, white and weak, from her state
room, she saw the poor sailor. With a
strip OF plaster on his forehead. "IIow
is your head? she asked, kindly, as he
passed by on some duty. "West by
south. ma'am," was the reply, delivered
with respectful but hasty clearness,
and he was gone.
On the journey from Vienna to St
Petersburg. Cumberland, Il well-lnown
thought reader entertained his fellow
passengers by guessing their thoughts
One Of the travellers. a Polish Jew
who took the whole thing for hoax
offered to pay Cumberland the sum OF
fifty roubles if he could divine his
thoughts. Nisibly amused, Cumberland
said :"Iou are going to the fair at Nj
jini-Novgorod, where you intend to pur
chase goods to the extent of twenty
thousand roubles, after which YOU will
declare yourself bankrupt and com
pound with your creditors for three pei
cent" On hearing these words the Jew
gazed at the speaker with reverentia
awe He then, without utterng syl
liable drew out of the leg Of his boot g
shabby purse. and handed over the fifty
roubles. Whereupon the great magi
clan triumphantly inquired: "Then J
have guessed your thoughts, eh ?'' mo,
replied the Jew, but you have give1
me brilliant idea"
A Metal Birds Nest.
| of Not1