davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20
SHOT ABOUT TWENTY TIMES.

his wife back in the house. Finally,
he had beaten six crabs into a pulp,
and they were motionless. lie then
looked on them with an air OF salts
faction and announced that they were
ready to cook.
Acting on his advice, his wife placed
the crabs in the vinegar mixture that
she had prepared and the whole mass
was soon boiling. jenkins looked very
much puzzled for Is minutes. but final
~ his face grew radiant. Then he re-
Taxed into his usual composure. Turn
ing to his wife, be said:
II have always stuck up for steamed
crabs, but / don't think / would like
them as well to-day. cooked In that
manner, as | would as soup. Suppose
we have a nice crab soup. All we have
to 90 is to let them cook little longer
and we will have delicious crab soup"
His wife looked at him little du-
biously, but he was so determined that
she thought he was perfectly right and
gave her consent At length the crabs,
in jenkins opinion, were cooked
enough to make good soup, and several
ladies Of the mixture were poured into
the two plates. jenkins sat down with
an extremely doubtful air, but with
show OF enthusiasm that made him, In
bis own opinion, look as If he wanted
to eat the crabs. shells and al.
He poured a boiling hot spoonful OF
the connection in bis mouth; at ths
same time his wife was taking deli
cate sip. In addition to being about
200 degrees Fahrenheit. the mustard
was the hottest and the vinegar was
the sourest, to say nothing OF the salt
and pepper.
jenkins sprang to his feet intending
to mathematics all crabs and people
that sold them, but he stopped. He
realized that he had told his wife he
knew all about the crabs and their
preparation. So he poured quantity
Of ice-water down his throat, sat down
and smothered his wrath suEciezsly
! to get his voice ealmer.
@My dear he said quietly, those
crabs are too ola to make good soup.
I've been swindled in them. I'll get
you some good crab soup at the restau-
rant opposite my ONCE II youn come
down tomorrow"
His wife boiled him three eggs for
supper.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

globe knows as much about tn Dray-
foose case as l do, ixcipin' tn judges,
an tn ignorance they display is pain
full. Drayfoos an me wur schootboys
together. He wint to school in Paree,
an 1 attinded school in Ballyhooly.
Oireland. We knew wan another in
timately, considerin' that We have niv-
yer met to this day.
TIL Drayfoos case wur shtarted be a
couple iv hard-biled eggs. lis a
square thing to shtart a case with, la
dies an gintlemin, but It's tn trooth
I'm tellin' we.
Wan night Gineral Mugwump iv TIL
Frinch Army wur settin' in res
tyrant drinkin' high balls an standin
tn proprietor off like a true Frinch sol
der. While Gineral Mugwump is set
tin there who shud come in but Gin
eral Mushytalk. | have a pitcher in
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

By this time the entire brigade staff
was out of it's tent, wondering at the
grief of the General. Eben Clunkback
walked over to where the mule was tied
and saw protruding from the ground
the hilt of the Generals sword. He
pulled it ont of the ground, united the
knot and holding it, handle forward,
approached the General.
"Ah believe this yer is yo' swohd,
Gennle," he said.
The General took his face out of the
towel and looked up. Seeing the long
lost weapon he broke into a shrek of
delight. Grasping the sword he re-
placed it nervously in the seabbard and
beamed on the staff.
"Ah wouldn't have lost that re
swohd, sub, eff the Pres'det had offahed
me Pohto Rico 70 it. Ahll cut off a
few mo hundred heads with that
swohd befo' l die he continued, pat
ting his scabbard tenderly.
"But how bout breakfus'?" inquired
the chaplain, anxiously.
The entire brigade staff looked upon
this as a most opportune question, as
was readily seen by the eager glances
! they shot at the General. The latter
noticed this and seemed to be somewhat
taken aback at the impression that the
commanding officer was to provide
| meals.
well have to recruit a commits
sary, sub, but at present his duties can
be filled by ouah quatahmastah! OH
derly!"
Yes, subj"
9TH Gennle's compliments tub tn
quahtahmastah, an infohm him that
breakfus' is in ohdah. Say that he will
go tub tn stoah and bring back tn
mess. AM have it changed, sub, have it
changed tub Uncle Sam. Ah'll get Nc
Kinley to o. X. the requisition, subj
This message was delivered. al
though the Quartermaster-G General was
standing within a few feet of the Gen
eral at the time. Dubious looks at the
General and the surrounding country
followed the order to have the supplies
charged at the store as, without an ex-
ception, the entire brigade staff, inelud-
ing the General, had large accounts
there already, and there was some
doubt as to whether the grocer, Mr..
Kenyon, would let them have any more
credit
A stern look from the General, how
ever, made the Quartermaster-General
move slowly away in the direction. ST
| the store, although every little w-sSe
he would turn and look back at the
! group doubtingly Finally he disap-
peared around a bend in the road and
the staff went down to the stream to
wash.
Having nothing better to do before
breakfast the General sat down and be-
gan to sharpen his sword on large
stone, and save for the occasional rat
tie Of his medals and the braying Of
his charger there was quiet in camp.
JEAN C. HAVEZ.
1
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

couldn't find a minute to leave the or
fee. Finally he closed up his books
and hurried away in the direction OF a
place where he had seen a sign an
nouncing crabs for sale within.
Let me have a dollars worth OF your
best crabs, said jenkins in a loud
voice TO the won&n in the rear Of the
store.
Eyes, sir" said she; will you pick
them out or shall do it for you?"
II will pick them out, answered
Jenkins in a firm tone.
do you know how 20 lift them up?"
asked the woman.
Jenkins did not condeseend to reply,
but walked to large box wherein were
crabs of all sizes attempting to crawl
around in damp sea-weed. He picked
one of them up and was examining it
curiously. when the crab nipped him on
the thumb, taking out piece Of flesh
and causing the blood to low.
jenkins flung the crab with all his
might to the other end Of the place and
proceeded to inveigh against sea food
Of all descriptions At first he said that
he thought crabs proceeded directly
from the internal regions. Then he in
timated that his Satanic Majesty was
located in the body Of every crab AZ
last he came TO the conclusion that he
would allow the woman in charge 10
pick out the crabs. She did so and he
soon had large bag Of the sea food.
He refused 10 carry them home, and
was told that they would be delivered
in half an hour. This was satisfactory
and jenkins went home
The crabs and jenkins arrived home
at about the same time. The bundle
was placed in the hallway and jenkins
appeared in the kitchen before MS wife
proudly carrying the precious burden,
He knew absolutely nothing about them
except that the best way to cook them
was to steam them. This was SUBJ
tie mystery TO him, but he made up his
mind that some what may be was going
to 20 through with the process. He
remembered vaguely that the woman
had said something to the effect that
they should be steamed with vinegar
salt. pepper and mustard. This was
SUFFICIENT. The crabs we're dumped out
in the backyard, wEere they proceeded
to walk in all directions jenkins
meanwhile was puzzled. He told his
wife TO put on the washhoiIer and tc
make solution OF salt. pepper. mus
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

The noise could not fail to arouse
the members of the First Brigade, and
in minute The Acknowledgement
looked sleepily out Of the tent and in
quired:
rs the town hall a-fire?"
'Wussn that" shrie!led the General.
"Wuss'n that. Nah swohd, sub, has
been made away with Alive split a
thousand skulls with that swohd, sun,
and now its gone" With which re-
marks the General sank down on the
ground and put a large towel to his
eyes and beloved loudly.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20
PROF. GOOGAN.
He Delivers a Thrilling Lecture OF
Dreyfus.
(By George Y. Hobart.l


Professor Googan's Scientific Lee
lures on Scientific Subjects opened to
a crowd of some so expectant auditors
invited by Farmer Heighrake to spend
rs cents apiece for the purpose of be-
ing entertained by the genial professor.
Farmer Heighrake's place is just seven
miles this side of Potatoburg. The
barn wherein the lecture was delivered
was tasteiully decorated for the occa-
sion. The professor began as follows:
Ladies and Gintlemin-I have been
requested be tn crowned heads iv Eu-
rope an America to discoorse fer a few
minutes this aEenin' on tn Drayfoos
case. They's no wan on tn face iv tn
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

The sun was just peeping over the
hilltops and as yet the morning mist
had not disappeared before the warmth
of its golden rays, when solitary
horseman appeared at the crest Of the
hill.
1t was General Beauregaldo.
Stay-the chronicler of this days do
ings has erred. The general was not
mounted on a horse, but on a mule.
And it was the smallest, most Woe
begone specimen of a mule that could
be imagined. As the mule came care
fully down the HILL feeling its footing
to prevent a stumble, the General his
shoulders thrown back with mill
tary air and his sword Gathering
against the iron stirrup, looked pic
ture. The stirrup mentioned did not
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20
GENERAL BEAuREGALDO.
The First Day in Camp.

lance of foot. To the handle he tied
the rope that served as halter to the
mule and the animal was secure. 1t
was plainly evident that the General
was in no mood for trifing. He had
expected the entire camp to be a bust
ling scene of activity and here-Tight
in the headquarters of the organiza-
ton that he had the honor to command
the place looked dead.
"Ah'll co'ht-mahtial 'em! Ah'll
co'ht-mahtial 'em!" shouted the Gen
eral, feeling for his sword. Not find
ing his trusty weapon, he looked around
in amazement.s
Somebody has puhloined nah
swohd!" he shouted with great excite
ment Nah swohd is gone, sub, the
swohd that All cut down the enemy by
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

to have interviews with people who
understood crabs and their preparation
for the table. Finally he came TO the
conclusion that by the time he ar
rived at home next day he would know
enough about the shell-fish to satisfy
the most anxious inquirer.
The entire next day jenkins was
thinking of the crabs and trying to get
out to see someone in regard to them
But he was exceptionally busy and
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

contain the foot of the General On the
contrary, the stirrups hung about
waist high with the General, whose
feet, encased in his big army boots and
adorned with massive spurs, dragged
on the ground, adding to the noise
made by the clanking of his sword and
the jingling of his medals.
In few minutes the army of the
Goochland County Guards Gechristen-
ed by the General First Brigade
Goochland County Volunteers had
been reached. Not soul was stirring
and the lopsided tent which was tied
to the side of the armory Ga long since
unused cabin appeared desolate.
The General used no regular, conven-
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20
Mr.. JENKINS.
He Prepares Few Hard-Shciled
Crabs.

Mr.. and Mrs. Henry jenkins had
been discussing the contents Of the
evening paper and had finally agreed
that one OF the articles contained
therein was worthy of further atten-
ton. The article was on the subject
of crabs and told Of the delicacy Of
crab-meat and its value as food
for those with weak stOmaehs. II
gave no directions for cooking the
crabs, however, except that they should
be steamed.
ooh, dear." said Mrs. jenkins, IF
we only had someone who knew how
to steam crabs we might enjoy meal
OF them"
Ii is extremely doubtful If Jenkins
had ever seen a crab, much less ever
cooked one, but that small matter did
not prevent him from looking at his
wife with the most genuine air Of as
tonishment.
Only had some enc to steam them r.
he asked; why. beg your pardon for
interrupting you by telling you on
several occasions that / was an expert
at cooking crabs. Why, from my
earliest childhood l have been familiar
with them. and, TO tell you the truth,
at one time | lived on crabs alone for
three months. / grew pretty tired OF
them in that time. too, l can tell
you
His wife was watching him with
renewed admiration as he launched
/ forth into a series OF adventures, all
OF which hinged On the catching. cook
ing and eating Of crabs. Finally he
said:
If You really want to eat some
crabs. I'll bring you some home to-
morrow. Better still, I'll come home
early and show you how to cook
them"
| His wife clapped her hands in gles
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20
saws Gineral Mugwump. .esr

! says Gineral Mugwump. Speak, wo-
man, says he. FER tn honor iv France
| is at stake" says he.
Il dinnaw," says tn washerwoman,
who done tn Decd says she. but /
have cousin be tn name Nv Honroe
Reilly on Fourteenth street that's
elairvoynt," says she, IAN fer so cents
threw We can learirn tn past, prisint
an future" says she. Good" says
| Gineral Mushytalk. tn thrail is gittin'
hot" says he. "Vive lie Armee, an
vive any old thing!" says he, "sind fer
tn clairyoynt." says he.
In tin minutes tn clairvoynt is
there "Who done this deed?" says
Gineral Mugwumpt. 'Ye can search
me-" says TIL clairvoynt, this is me
day off" says she. But" says she.
.they's a mind readin' felly be tn name
iv Victor Bauerschmidt on the Rue
Rootabaga," says she, "mebbe he can
turn tn trick" says she.
Just thin a Gineral be tn name iv
Patty kim in His name wur Oyster
Patty, but they called him Clam Patty
fer short. what dye know about this
nor'ble deed ?" says Gineral Mushytalk.
"Notbin'," says CLANS, but says
he, Il know q couple iv good liars,
says he, IAN anythin We want done in
that line" says he, will be attinded to
| with dispatch" says he.
Bring In tn liars" says Gineral
Mugwunn 9TH honor iv tn Army is
at stake" Says ne, "an tn betther liars
easy are ia betthcr it will be fer tn
Army" Says ne
walt, Ey Gineral!" says tn waiter,
rusnin' on the scene with his hair
gtaldin' en- end. ivan iv tn eggs is
1nissin'," says ne; perhaps says he,
| that's what caused tn Explosion, says
he; though tn grocer guaranteed
thim," says ne.
''Tis too late now" says Gineral
Mugwump; we've gone too far now,
says he; bring on tn liars, says he.
In two minutes tn liars is there.
"Who done this deed?" says Gineral
Mushytalk.
Pm tn divvle an all fer fergittin'
names" says wan iv tn liars; men
ton some wan We don't like" says he
to wan iv tn other liars, IAN that's
tn guilty wan,' says he. "They's a
patriot fer ye,'' says Gineral Mugwump;
"who dye owe any money to-" says
he to tn liar.
81 owe so sous to fely be tn name
iv Drayfoos," says tn liar, IAN l
think he's good fer another 80 sous if
| work. him right" says ne.
That's tn name says Gineral Mug
wump; ''he done tn deed" says he.
IF he didn't, he might do it at any mo-
ment." says he. "Of to tn callaboose
with him." says he. 81 forget what is
tn deed he done now, but tn honor iv
7, IN AEIllS Is DIT oldhS, Sds Nv
Thin Sergeant OLeary goes out an
chases Drayfoos down to tn Cintral an
they keeps him there on bread an wa
ter fer six years. Thin they puts him
on thrille fer his life.
perhaps TIL felly is innocent" says
! Gineral Mealticket perhaps he is"
says GineraI Mugwump, but we must
put him on thrille to see what is he
innocent Of says he.
An there, ladies an gintlemin, Dray-
foos is on thrille fer his life to-day to
see what is he innocent Of, an tn cook
that billed tn egg that caused tn trout
bic is travelin' in America fer his
health.
with three rousing cheers for the
professor the highly-edified audience
dispersed.
a
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

says Gineral Mugwump, crawlin' under
tn table. who dye think is tn gull
ty MANI" says Gineral Mushytalk,
grabbin' his pocketbook an preparing
to sell his life dearly. Il don't know,
says Gineral Mugwump, but I'll ask
me washerwoman. says ne. ''Vive le
Armee. says Gineral Mushytalk,
"sind fer IN washerwoman at vance,
says he. ..Th' horror iv Prince is at
stake" says ne. "an' this foul deed
must be traced to its hellish soorce, .
says he.
In tin minutes tn washerwoman is
on tn spot. Who done this deed !?
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

the hundreds with at Vicksburg, Nah
swohd! Nah swohd!" and the Cen
eral began to run around in a circle
with his spurs rafting, his medals
gathering and himself roaring like
wild bull.
Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1899-09-20

It's hard 70 settle down after trips
ANY harder than to settle up7"-New
York Evening Journal
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-04-11
"c.puEy" AT THE AMERICAN.

The popularity of the Castle Square opef~
- its second year in the American lneat'.
steadily increases and Carmen IN Hne"sn .,o.
the warmest OF welcomes last evening
.ne aao,ors ediace was occupied and the stand
III "a. ,os tbronsed 10 the extreme limit Tne
n.o,rs and the acting were applauded with zes'
s ,bo recalls were copious and sincere. IL was
clear that the opera could run for several ven
with conspicuous success were the mahase' i"I
willing to break its rule OF eight perio' "i"Ne Go
only for each production. u.
vi. ,uz,o Macnichol was Carmen. and through
49,, the storm scenes OF Spanish turbulence anu
passion she was looked upon and listened 10 win
ernnbatic approval in all parts Of the theatre r.
c Hedmondt in the part Of Don Jose ac'.u ,.h
full measure OF vehemence and dash' anu sa"1 a
i tth -ratiaed his hearers. Harry Luck
sone the Escamo solid OF tace ana red
v effective in acting but his voice M did
nj, 10 the audience. Al no tlne uiu
tSa opera drag or lose its hold on me ond The
re listeners The costumes were handsome anu ''
setting was suitable.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-04-11
1uE FEELING IN BERLIN.

crpNANy DESIRES THE WORK OF THE
SAMOAN COMMISSION TO BE FASTENED.
per,,n Anril lO-Since the interview with
1,rn,eror william the United States Amoassa-
40, Andrew d White, has met the German Mil
ie+er NJ Foreign Affairs. Baron Won Bulo"' anu
the british Ambassador here, Sir FRANK Las
cauas and has cabled the result at considerable
length in cipher to Washington. 1t is uhoer-
stood on good authority that there is ho'"lne
belligerent in the dispatch. but that II reiA'en
70 the desire Of the German GoVerHiheh' ~
stand by the Berlin Treaty and return 10 'he
,,no,-isional Arrangement made by the three
C,o,s,,,s and Fastening the appointment ana
work OF the Commission as much as posssipie'
A high Foreign Office official. speaking Tor
Baron Won Bulow. said 10 the correspondent
here Of The Associated Press to-day:
I'VE have not received dispatch lroip 'iie
commander OF the Fake. and do not oeheVe 'he
s,orv told about the strained relations between
the commander Of the German warship anu Au
r,,ro, Kautz We would have heard OF 1t OIL
cialy if it had been true
we have not received any advices confirming
tho proclamation of Consul Rose. But. at any
rate the argument Of the American press that
Herr Rose is responsible for the new trouble Is
y,roro as such a proclamation II issued, came
after Admiral Kautzs action, which is mere
considered 10 be violation Of the Samoa act
- Admiral Kautz stated in mis- proclamation
that all the three Consuls had expressed Wiling
ness to annuI the Provisional Government Al
rniral Kautz stated an untruth. and Herr Rose
could not be blamed for issuing counter proc
lamation.
However the German Government Is mus Id
insuftciently informed as to all Of Herr Rose
doings. and therefore will not assume al the
outset that Herr Rose is right throughout III
any case we must await further news. me
German Commissioner will be appointed WITHIN
day or two. He will be thoroughly I'M
biased
The appointment of c. ~ E. Eliot. OF the
British Embassy al Washington, as the Brltisa
member Of the Samoan Commission. is deemed
satisfactory here.
The National Zeitung." reiterating the alleged
illegality OF the action of Admiral kautz IN
Samoa. says
Germany will have to strive by every dlplo-
matte means 10 secure satisfaction for this be-
havior Of Admiral Kautz in contravention OF
the treaty.
Referring to the statement that the State De-
nartment at Washington regards the enthrone-
,nent of Tanu fully in accordance with the
treatv which provides that the decision of the
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-04-11
EXPORTS EXCEED IMPORTS.
GROWTH OF AMERICAN TRADE FOR
THE EIGHT MONTHS ENDING
WITH FEBRUARY.
fBr TELEGRAPH TO THE TRIBUNE


Washington. April lO.-Amercan manufacturers
continue TO extend their spheres of influence
through the civilized world. The reports OF the
Treasury Bureau Of Statistics show that for the
eight months ending with February Is $780, the
exports or manufactures not only f37000.000
in excess OF the imports Of manufactures but more
than x28O0o000 In excess OF those exported In the
corresponding months of the fiscal year 1893. In
the @04 business days covered by this report. the
American manufacturers have exported S207. 000.-
600 worth Of manufactures or more than 100000
worth day. In the corresponding days OF the
preceding fiscal year their expectations OF menu
1898 the United States for the first time exported
more manufactures than the country imported. and
the fiscal year 1899 will make another and even
better record In this particular. While II s APP
parent that the imports OF manufactures In the
year 1899 will be somewhat in OF those OF
last year. which were abnormally light by reason OF
the heavy importations just prior to the enactment
OF the recent Tariff law. the gain In exports 10
greater than the Increase in imports. In the eight
months ending with February, 1898. the imports OF
manufactures 1852 091 157. and In the CORE
spending months OF the fiscal year 1899 they were
sI69 s43 TO OF II per cent In the first
eight months OF the fiscal year 1905 the exports OF
manufactures s1soeOs.O72. while in the CORE
spending months OF the fiscal year 1899 they were
sos SD 1894 an increase OF IA per cent.
The following table shows the exports OF some OF
the important manufactures In the eight
months ending with February. compared with the
corresponding months OF the preceding nscai year,