Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1899-07-21

HERE'S A MAN WHO SAYS SUCH 4
THING Is A BIG MISTAKE.

II Only Makes Matters Worse, He
Says. and Advises That. No Matter
How Bad the Case Against You May
lie, to just Boldly Blum II out.
A friend Of mine who 10 n successful
business man and a very level headed
chap. and who is full to the brim with
philosophy, recently laid down a great
principle TO me. 1t is this; Never
apologize.
-" lie says. there is anything that
is I'D .uteIy futile. it is apology. H.
stead Of making the person to whom it
is rendered feel any better concerning
,he oversight or piece of thoughtlcss-
ness on account of which it is given.
the apology simply intens.fcs his per
cCption of that oversight and makes
him feel all the worse about il. 4 few
days ago | took luncheon with man
who said he. was feeling very badly.
He had borrowed. upon point Of honor.
from a dear friend. the only copy in
existence of a treasured historic manu-
script He had promised to return it
straightway. 1t was the old story \
servant. in quest of paper to start a
kitchen fire. got hold Of the precious
old manuscript and burned it up. What
should my friend do?
Il advised him. from some expert
ence in such things. to avoid making
any apology, to say nothing whatever to
his friend about the matter and. when
the subject should finally be raised, to
feign indifference and almost surprise
concerning IT, In this way the lender
would think 1t must be that he had not
made clear the necessity Of returning
the manuscript or failed to indicate
sufficiently its value.
Perhaps he would come to think
himself that it was Of no value At all
events. he could not get very angry
with man who appeared hardly to
realize that he had committed any Of
Tense whatever. This advice. believe,
was sound.
'My attention" he goes on. "was first
directed TO the futility of apology sew.
eral years ago. | was a northern mau
in a southern city. new to southern
conditions and inexperienced in deal
ing with the colored brother one
afternoon q Georgian friend urged me
to 20 somewhere with him for several
hours replied that the one objection
. 1g was the fact that | had
c0lOrcd messenger to meet
s.. OIL, :. certain place ut l o'clock and
to walt there until | came, in case |
should be late. 1t would be pretty
hard to keep him waiting until in T. , |
afternoon.
81 will tell YOU replied my friend. |
how that can be made all right. When |
you 90 around at o'clock. you APP |
proach MIN with the air Of perfect self |
satisfaction. If anything is said. give |
him the notion that it is just his bust
ness TO wait three hours for you and |
that you compelled it as a matter of |
course If TO the least degree you apol-
OgiZe to him. you have ruined him as a
and spoiled him as a citizen
He never will do anything for you
again after an apology
~ further acquaintance with the
mysterious ways Of the colored brother
led me to believe that there was some
small amount Of wisdom in this adj
vice or ut least that il rested upon
some principles Of Ethiopian human
nature. | then began to wonder if the
same thing were not true of the white
man. believe ii is.
AN apology spoils everybody and in |,
lures the reputation of the man max
Ing il. Therefore my rule in life is to
10 somewhere near as well as | can
md then in contact with my fellow
man TO assume that have done exact
= right and to affect surprise and in
Inference in the extreme at any sug-
,estion that things are ever otherwise.
"The next time Lord Chesterfield
writes out his rules of conduct he
should append as one of them. Never
lpologize' DO things meet for apology
Is seldom as possible. but, having done
hem. do not apologize for them. That {
5 self determination. and it is n prin-
iple Of old English common law that
10 one should be obliged 70 testify
gainst himself"
l commend this reasoning to all
persons. have myself apol-
gized a great many times but can
Ot truly say that an apology has ever s
eally helped my case with the person Q
rho was offended. OF course II patch I
d the matter up. but did that do any q
God? Ii Is conceivable that giving an
pOlOgy may be better than taking n r
cking, but may not AS failure to /
pologize to 3. for n slight or an affront I
e construed by 3. as proof that A. is
onfdent that he can lick b.. and con-
no apology Is needed and no q
tempt at n licking likely? These v
Rings should be pondered carefully g:
oston Transcript "