Crawford avalanche., 1899-08-03
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Miss Gotrox-"The world owes you
living" Cleverton-"well. you're all
the world to me."-Town Topics.
Jackson-"Is the minister of your
church going to take a vacation this
summerT Wilson-"I hope so.'-
Ohio State Journal
Arthur, our physician wants to send
me to a summer resort for four weeks"
Husband-"Weli. I can't blame him."
-Fliegende Batter.
Father-"That young man you're en-
gagged to Is a bad egg" Daughter
THAT'S the reason I'm afraid to drop
him."-Town Topics.
"My doctor says l ought to lead an
active life." "Well, say, marry my
wife's sister; she'll keep you on the
jump" Record.
"Old Brown won't live long; he has
one leg In the CRATE" 'You mean one
leg in the grave" mo. he's going to
be cremated. d."-Pick-Me-Up.
"What animal" asked Edith. "al-
ways has comb, but never combs its
hdii "A bCc, SuccoCu D"'
"No-o-o-o; a rooster."-Judge.
Prominent Society Woman Ito popu-
lar lecturer)-"Don't you get tired OF
saying the same thing over and over
again?" "Yes; don't you"-Life.
Agnostic-"But you yourself work
on Sundayw Clergyman-"No; preach
ing isn't work. It's writing the ser
mon that's work."-Detroit Journal
Jones-"Are you going to pay me that
accountY Smith-"Not just yet"
Jones-"If you don't. I'll tell all your
other creditors that you paid mel
Stray Stories.
"She's going on the stage" Dear
me" "Yes-up In the White Mountain
district You see, the railroad does
not 60 quite to. her destination. Chi
cago Evening Post.
Those dear girls again: First Fair
One-'I wouldn't be seen at the New
rich ball" Second Fair One-"Oh,
you're not so insignificant as that.
dear" r."-Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Newlywed-"You want my rea-
sons for getting home so late last
night?" Mrs. Newleywed-"Oh, no!
That would be expecting too much.
want your excuse. Puck.
Judge Ito man up for haying five
wives)-"How could you be so hard
ened a villain" The Prisoner
"Please, your honor, was only trying
to get a good e."-Tit-Bits.
Little Clarence-"The funny-bone is
in the elbow, isn't it. pa?" Mr.. Cal
lipers-"Yes, my son." Little Clar-
ence-"Well, pa, is that what makes
people laugh in their sleevesY-Puck.
One thing lacking: Ethel-"How
harmonious the color of everything in
this church isv' Margaret-"Yes, ex-
cepting the sexton. Why doesn't he
wear stained glassesY Harlem Life.
Mrs. Styles-"Fd have you under
stand that know good many worse
men than my husband" Mrs. Myles-
"My dear, you must be more particu-
lar about picking your acquaintances."
Marriage is so often failure" said
Miss Caushque, that l don't blame
women a bit for being old maids"
"Blame them" said the crusty bach
elor. "Of course not. 1t isn't their
fault."-Kansas City Star.
Hetty-"What's the matter, Carrie?
You don't seem to be pleased with your
bathing suit" Carrie-"No, am not"
Hetty-"Oh. I wouldn't fuss. 1t will
shrink, perhaps, after one or two wet
Boston Transcript.
Spacer-"I believe that If Shakespeare
were alive at the present time, and try
ing to live by his pen in London, the
comic papers would reject many Of his
best jokes" Humorist-T know 1t. I
have tried 'em all."-Tit-Bits.
"Why do you hate him SOL" "When
we were young men we loved the same
girl" "Oh! Did he win her from you
by any unfair meansY "No. He went
away and left her no choice but me-
New Orleans Time3-Democrat.
Mrs. Lushley-"Oh, you needn't try
to conceal your condition; you're hold
ing the paper upside down." Mr..
Lushley-T know't, m'dear-did 1t on
purposh-someshing here no deshent
man oughtsr read."-Brooklyn Life.
Mather Clearing Ethel say her pray
ers)-"And let us all live to a good old
age" Ethel-"T'n not pray for
aunty to live to old oge." Mother
astounded)-"WhyT Ethel Cause
she's ashamed Of her age now."-Puck.
"Why don't you get dinner?' he
asked. "You didn't marry cook" she
replied, simply. Time passes. 1t Is
now the dead Of night. and muffied
footballs are heard. "Why don't you
go and drive the burglars away?"
You didn't marry policeman" he
said.-Puck.