Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1899-07-07

sWS
To remove f~reckles-send the boy out
Of the room.-Boston Globe.
Teacher-What is a b%uttress? Flossy
"A buttress is a female butter-maker.
Judge.
The Cuban insurgents have raised
Hades long enough; now let them raise
cane.-Chicago Times Herald.
She-'You say you met your friend
n%cidcntally?" He-"Yes; l fell in with
him while skating."-Yonkers States
man.
Conundrum by the Cheerful Idiot:
Q.-''What Is worse than raining cats
and dogs?'" A.-"Hailing cabs anu
'buses."-Punch.
Mother drilling Teddy for his first
party)-And now. darling. what is a
greedy boy? Teddy-A boy who wants
everything I want.
What kind Of a tree is the hardest
to climb?" asked the teacher. zone that
hain't got no limbs" little Albert re-
plied.-Chicago News. d.
I'VE didn't have time to stop. so we
bought a lunch and ute it us we drove
along" "Ah. l see-ycu dined a Ia
cart."-Philadelpllia Bulletin.
Shelf capital punishment must
I've. l certainly favor electricity" He
"Oh! That is to say, you prefer cur
rents to raisin's."-Harlem Life.
Mrs. McBrfde-"Harry, 1 was beside
myself at the condition you came home
in last night" Harry-"Yes; it seems
to me I did see two of you."-Judge.
Little Willie-"Pa. why do they call
them minor poets'?" Pa-"Because
they ought to be working with the
pick and shovel, my son."-Tit-Bits.
Here's a benevolent assimilation for,
you," as the milkman remarked, when
lie showed the can under the spout of
the pump.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mortified old lady-Oh. kind sir, think
of your mother! Think of your mother!
Burglar (sternly)-No use. lady; l was
brought up in an incubator.-Tit-B Bits.
Caller-Excuse ME, can l speak t
your typewriter 81 moment? City man
You can't; she's engaged. Caller
That's all right; I'm the fellow.-Illus-
tratcd Bits.
His sweetheart have always heard
that all Spanlards were expert at fenc.
ing. Returned volunteer--Yes. indeed
they are; especially with barbed wire.
Brooklyn Life.
Tom-Why were you so determined
to kiss that homely cousin of yours?
Dick-I wanted to establish n prece-
dent. She has two very pretty sisters,
you knowledge.
Little Mike Din the midst of his read
ing)-Feyther, how d'yez pronounce
l-l-o-il-o? Observation-Disclosures ut?
Begorra! did yez niver hear a tur-r-r-
key gobble?-Puck.
First tourist-That Indian seems to
have an awful load on. Second tourist
Yes. He has evidently followed Kip
ling's advice, and taken up the white
mans burden.-Life.
Have you ever read the article on
how to tell a bad egg?' "No. l haven't;
but my advice would be, if you have
anything important to tell a bad egs.
why, break it gently.'-Tit-Bits.
Dombey-How did you get that scar
on your forehead. Jones? Jones-Oh.
my wife and l had an argument, and
she obeyed that mea old adage-
strike while the iron is hot.-Judge.
Tom-"I don't know whether she
sings or not" Jack-"She doesn't. I
heard her"
She-"You are a conundrum." He
"But I hope you haven't given me up
yet."-Town Topics.
"Hallo, Swardie! l haven't met you
since you came to the city and set up
for a doctor. How are you getting
along? Are you making your mark?"
"Er-yes. I'm doing considerable vac
cinating."-ChioRgo Tribune.
How can you scold all the timer
was asked of the woman with five step
children and an indolent husband. II
can't Just explain it, but l knows that
I'm blessed with wonderful powers Of
lendurance."
"A pun" remarked the pedant, ''is
merely a play on words" YES" an
iswered the frivolous person. "They
call it a play; but, as a rule. it seems
more like arduous and unnecessary
work Star.
The dear girl had been batting him
again. do you believe in love at first
,sight?" she asked. "Of course" an
,,swered the savage bachelor. do you
suppose, If a nan had the gift Of Sec
ond sight, he would fall in love?"
81 heard We were on shtrike," said
Mike to his friend Pat. II was that"
answered Pat. "a shtrlke for what,
Pat?" For shorter hours, Nike"
can did ye get them?" "Sure we did,
Mike. It's not workin' ut all am
now"
look here" said a young lieutenant,
''this uniform you have made for me is
entirely tOO laree!" 'That's all RIGHT -