Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1899-05-11
A BARGAIN.

It has been some time since the M
weds have been heard from in these col
umns Not that they have been divorced
or have ceased to have the numerous
small difficulties incident to newly we'd
ded couples. Indeed at this writing they
have couple of small difficulties, aged
respectively 2 years and 2 months. be-
fore whom most other matrimonial
troubles fade into insignifcance by
comparison. When the calendar be-
comes divided into four seasons-viz,
collie, teething, walking and talking
and the principal items of expense are
pap, paregoric, Ponds extract and
pills, then all other ills which do not
affect the health and well being of the
''infantry' fade away until they become
as nothing. There is nothing amusing
about the illness of child. even if ii
be no more than that common and COM
prehensive ailment known as s'tummy
ache. Therefore the annals of the Nu-
wed family have been allowed to lapse
for lack of suitable material But last
week there occurred an incident in the
real comedy vein which may be worth
recording.
Now, it happened that for once the
imp and the infant were asleep stimuli
taneously, and Mrs. Nuwed was enter
tanning couple of callers amid such
unaccustomed peace and tranquility
she could scarcely realize it, and was
constantly on the qui vive for some
thing to happen. Consequently q ring
at the doorbell gave her a nervous start
that completely severed the threads OF
conversation.
Now, the Nuweds live in one of those
modern fiat buildings which have all
the dourbells down in the lobby and
speaking tubes running to the different
apartments, so that it is possible te
put caller through a sort of entrance
examination before admitting him by
means of push button that opens the
front door.
So when Mrs. Nuwed's maidservant,
who combines the duties of cook, cham
bermaid and nurse, appeared to an
nounce the visitor the ladies learned
that smooth spoken individual desired
to show the ''lady of the house" some
very fine imported dress goods. Accord
ingly they decided to admit him and
inspect his wares, a species of dissipa-
tion which no woman can resist, be he
a peddler of tinware or a purveyor Of
silks and laces. The three together de
cided that they were match for any
falkland, by the way, it is now time
to introduce the other ladies as Mrs.
Latin and Mrs. Pearl.
The peddler proved to be very suave
individual, with a slight Scotch accent,
and as he unrolled his pack he proceeded
to unfold very specious tale about
how he became possessed of these valu-
able goods and was able to offer them
to discerning ladies at surprisingly low
figures. According to this tale, he
bought them dirt cheap, owing to his
connection with some English mills,
and the inference was that he had sue
ceeded in sneaking them past Uncle
Sam S customs collectors without pay
ing the customary duty. Now, it is q
strange and unexplained characteristic
of women that nothing appeals to them
like smuggled goods. Consequently this
ingenious tale heightened the interest
in his wares, and when he unfolded
them it was to chorus of ecstatic fem
mime squeals.
They were very plausible looking
pieces of dress goods, with fine glossy
finish like broadcloth, good selvage and
a yard and a half wide. All these points
were artfully suggested by the peddler,
although he permitted the ladies tC
think that they had discovered them.
"Now, you know. of course, that nc
cheap goods come in this width, said
he oracularly, whereat each lady nodded
assent. Indeed it may be suspected that
this peddler was bit of hypnotist.
OF course the price was the nexi
thing asked, and the artful peddler al
first mentioned q pretty stiff figure
When the ladies drew back, he admit
ted that as he was anxious to return tt
the old country. he would entertain
propositions looking toward scaling
down the original price At the same
time he took occasion to mention that
he had sold to Mrs Senator o OGrady 4
piece of goods exactly like the one Ct
fered for a greatly advanced price
Then ensued a chattering and bargain
ing which, it may also be noted. is an,
other delight of the feminine soul
There was one piece of black goods
which all the ladies coveted, but Mrs.
Pearl was the first to make an offer fol
it, SO the others sat back and left the
field to her The price gradually dimin-
ished from SO to SO for piece of five
yards, and on reaching this latter figure
the peddler threw up his hands despair
ingly and declared he could reduce it nc
more.
Encouraged by the success of Mrs.
Pearl in beating down the peddler, the
other ladies tried few passes at him,
but the prices they offered were not NJ
to his standard. and, with the air of q
man who had been badly beaten, be
folded up bis pack and departed Then,
strange to say, after her triumph, Mrs.