Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-10-29
MR. D0OLEY ON
THE TRANSYAAL.
By F. P. DUNE


sy, who had been glancing at the fam
ing headlines of an evening paper over
Mr.. Dooley's shoulder.
1T always does,'' said Mr.. Dooley.
"Since tn Gar of Rooshia inthrajooced
his no-fght resolution, they'se been no
chanst that they wudden't be ructious.'
AN what's it all about?' demand
ed Mr.. Hennessy. II cant make head
nor tail iv it at all, at ALL
'Well, you see, it's this way" said
Mr. Dooley. Eye see, tn Beers is a sim
pie, pasthral people that goes about
their business in their own way, raisin'
hell with Everybody. They was BORN
with an aversion to society an whin
tn English come they lit out befure
thin, not likin' their looks TIL Eng
lish kept comm on an the Beers kept
movin' till they cuddn't move emmy fur
Their without bumpin' into Kitchener's
ARMY an thin they settled down an
says they, This far shall we CO. says
they, bein' a relijous people, IAN divvle
tn sthep further" An they killed off
tn irrelijous naygers an started in f'r to
raise cattle. An at night they set out
side iv their dorps., which, Hinnissy, is
Dutch FIR two-story brick house an lot,
an sip their larger an swap horses
an match texts firm tn Bible FIR TIL
se"~ars, while tn childher played mar
bles with dimons as big as tn end iv
yeer thumb.
tWell, tn English heerd they was
goold be tn bucket in ivry cellar firm
Ooopencoff to Doozledorf, which, Hin
Missy is like New York an San Fran
cisco, bein' tn exthreme pints in tn
country, an they come on in great
hordes, sturdy Anglo-Saxons firm Sax
ony, tn Einsteins an Heidlebacks an
Werners an whin they'd took out
goold enough SOS they needed raycre-
alton they wanted to vote. An says
Joe Chamberlain, he says, BE hivins,
they shall vote,' he says. Is it, he
says, possible that at this stage iv tn
worlds progress he says, an English
gintleman shud be denied he says, tn
right to dhrop off thrain anywhere
in tn civilized wurruld an cast his i'm
peeryal voter he says. Give thin tn
franchise he says, or be this an be
that!' he says, FIR, we have put our
hand to tn plow, he says, an we will
not turn back he says.
"Krueger, that's tn main guy iv tn
Dutch, fine man, Hinnissy, that looks
like Casey's goat an has NANNY iv tn
same peculyarities, he says. All
fright he says, I'll give thin tn
franchise he says. 'Whin?' says Joe
Chamberlain. In me will says Krue-
ger. 'Whin die he says, AN I hope
to live to be a hundherd if I keep on
smokin' befure breakfast he says, I'll
bequeath to me friends, tn English, or
such iv thin as was here befure
come, tn inalienable an sacred right
to demand firm me SUCCESSOR tn privi-
lege iv ilictin' an alderman he says.
But he says, in tn manetime, he
says, well lave things they way they
are,' he says. I'm DID, he says an
not good lookin',' he says, an me
clothes don't fit an they may be marks
iv food on me vest he says, but I'm
not more thin half crazy an amy
time We find me givin' annywan
chanst to vote me into a job dhrivin'
a mule an put in an English prisidint
iv this raypublie,' he says, we may con-
clude that ye're Uncle Paul needs
guarjeen,' he says.
Far be it firm me to suggest amy
but peaceful measures says Sir Alfred
Miner, that's the lad they have down
in Africa, tn injun agent, FIR tn Eng
fish an Dutch shud wurruk together
like brothers FIR tn removal iv tn nay
CUR population he says, but he says,
as brother 1 politely suggest to We
that if We don't give US what we want
We'll hand We fraternal punchl he
says. 'FVr,' he says, we have put our
hand to III plow,' he says, an we can
not turn back he says.
"'What Sir Alfred Miner says is
thrue, says Lord Lelborne, an what tn
divvle he has to do about it l dinnaw
TIL situation is such, he says, as to
be intol'rable to a silf-rayspectin' Eng
lishman,' he says. What a crime, he
says, that tn men who ARE talkin'
most iv TIL money out iv tn country
shud not be allowed to stick in amy
iv tn votes he says. We have. as
Shakespeare says, put our hand to tn
plow,' he says, an we cannot turn
back he says. 4 agree corjally with
tn noble lord iv tn r-red lounge abaft
ne, says Lord Salisbury. With tn
echoes of me own noble sintimints in
me ears he says, it wud i'll become me
to speak in force he says. I wud on'y
say that if tn Transvaal raypublic wud
rather have a Dum-dum bullet in its
tum-tum, thin grant to Englishmen III
Fright IN rim FIJI saavernmint thin tn