The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-07-01
EPIsTLEs TO ST. PAUL.


| knows too much for one man, but no
enough for two. 1t also indicates thai
even an Illinois sucker comes to the sur.
race OF public affairs occasionally. The
writer says:
am running a frog farm near here
ana editing the Shirt Waist, published In
this town, between spearfngs. 7 notfcf
that the Globe frequently opens Its
columns to casual discussion of the cues.
ton When Does the Twentieth Century
Begin? Now 1t occurs to me that a mar
must be fourteen-carat chump to ask
such question. Everybody must know thai
the twentieth century will not begin fol-
100 years yet. The nineteenth century will
o oGg5h Ian. l, 1900. we are living in the
eighteenth century. Some of our as
economical ancestors have slipped a cog
IN the computation of time just 100 years
and how they did it, and why it should
nave been overlooked so long the Lord
only Knows. But our debating school had
tnls topic up for six nights and went into
committee of the whole on it. We settled
1t and it's singular you Minnesota people
haven't caught on.
Let me show you why I'm right, and
why the almanac makers are wrong and
! na aNn remained kerfuddled for going on
1000 years. It's this way. When a child
Is porn he-or she-is in his-or her-first
year, Isn't that SO? If not you'll have
10 10 snow me, Immediately. after his-or
nlsoor her-second year. Doesn't he-or
she? Amt right? Now If the child is in
1ts-now l have got the gender down pat
ana nave smoother sailing-second year
peIore 1t reaches its second birthday, why,
we people, at least us Illinois people, are
!lV1ng in the eighteenth century The fact
Is as plain as the nose on mans face.
You can't dodge the sequence 1 can't un-
derstand why all this hullabaloo has been
kicked UP about so simple and dead easy q
problem Not until the era, A. D., Ammo
Don1inl' is 1890 years old can we say we
are hVing In the nineteenth century. One
ana eighteen make nineteen, don't they
Ihey certainly do in Illinois. Please call
the attention of Minnesota people to this
TACT, for we think down here it is i'm
portant. Yours for truth.
Stryker, ILL.,, June &c, 1888
Willis L. Williams little three-year-oId
daughter, Berenice, made her latest ap-
pearance in the role of "enfant terrible"
yesterday in a West side car, to the
great discontinue of her aunt and the
amusement of her fellow passengers. The
little girl, wearing a picture hat, was on
her way to have her picture taken. and
sat demurely by the side of her aunt, who
is exceedingly bashful. Somewhere along
the route an old bald headed gentleman
entered the car and found a seat directly
across from the one occupied by little
Miss Williams. who quickly attracted his
attention by waving her parasol at him
Soon the old gentleman began Winlxing at
Miss Williams and she tried to wink back,
but was confronted with the inability
to wink except with both eyes at once
After number of facial grimaces, in
tended to overcome the disability the
little maid remarked to her aunt in a
shrill treble:
"Auntie, you wink at the man with one
eye
1T makes me weary" said a former
member of one of the Minnesota volunteer
regiments. ito hear all this talk about
what glorious reception is to be given
the members of the Thirteenth when they
come back from Manila
When you come right down to It what
does reception amount to? What the
boys want is some one to do something
for them when they get back beside
handing them a dish of ice cream and
pinning a bunch of flowers on their coat
1t looks to me as though there were a lot
of guys who were anxious to get some
advertising on a reception committee
why, l know some five or six MEM
bers of the Thirteenth who are in st.
Paul and Minneapolis now looking for a
place to work They were honorabIy dis
charged and came home, and since their
arrival they have been looking for work.
Has any one given them lift? Not
much
There was one boy who worked six
years in one place, and when he enlisted
the men he worked for promised that his
place would be held open for him and ne
would be reinstated when he returned.
Well, they have forgotten all about the
promise since he returned.
MY idea is to have the money which
would be spent in flowers and lunch,
music and decorations and a reception
made up into a fund for the purpose of
securing the boys work when they come
back. That would be more appreciated
than a whole lot of fireworks and speech
es, and would be money well spent.
Deputy Clerk Joe King, of the district
court, has just undergone the experience
of having thought he won q bicycle in a
rattle and then finding the good luck to
exist only in the fevered imaginations Of
his friends. There is a certain store in
town the proprietor of which has for
some months, with every purchase, hand
ed out a ticket on a nice new 800 wheel,
with al the latest improved sprockets
and things Mr. King came into possess
sion of quite a bunch of the tickets and
carried them around with him surround
ed by q rubber band and snugly ensconc-
ed in his vest pocket. He happened into
another store the other evening and I'M
wisely displayed his bunch of tickets to
a number of friends who happened to
meet him there. He was careful to keep
the numbers concealed, but one sharp
eyed rascal caught the number on one
of the pasteb0ards. 1t was 2.110. There
was hull in the converse ton shortly
after, and the silence was broken by a
man ut the telephone:
HELLO; the drawing Just came off; what
was the number; I didn't catch it; oh,
2110."
King withdrew into the corner and anX-
iously looked over his tickets and flushed
with joy when he found 2,116 among them.
Then he fastened to the telephone and
called up the store where the bicycle was
supposed to be A confederate had ar
rived at the other end Of the line by
this time, and King received the satis-
faction of thinking he had won the wheel.
He spent about S. for little presents for
the boys and fastened to the store where
the wheel was.
1T want my Wheel" he said TO the clerk,
proudly displaying his ticket.
Il don't like to give it to you now be-
cause the boss isn't IN" replied the man
behind the counter Mr. King curbed his
with the friends who accompanied him,
and the situation did not dawn on him
until the proprietor came in He says
he knows how it feels to win a wheel,
but 1t is not safe to bring up the subject
in his presence
TWENTIETH CENTURY.