The record-union., 1899-08-03
An Insurance Agents waterloo.

| An Insurance Agents Waterloo.
rs this Mr.. Gwilliams?" Inquired the
caller. a SNUG parsonage Sof self pos
sessed bearing and businesslike aspect,
addressing himself to the somewhat
angular, elongated man seated at the
roll-topped desk.
Yes, SIR
/ s"Glad to know you, Mr.. Civilians.
My name is Scorjel-Godfrey Scorjel.
see you are busy. and I'm not the
man to take up another mans time
without some good reason for it. Are
you carrying all the life insurance you
want. Mr.. Civilians?
Yes, sir
Yes? represent the Unpuncturable
Mutual Life Association, a company,
Mr.. Civilians, that combines the sta
bility of the old line insurance organi-
cations with the economy Of the fra
ternal insurance orders. It guarantees
to furnish absolutely reliable protec-
ton at actual cost. We pay no fancy
| salaries, Mr.. Civilians. The officers of
the Unpuncturable, Mr.. Gwiliiams''--
/ Your family well, Mr.. Scorjel?'
| "Oh, yes, thanks. AS I said, we FUR
nish the best insurance at actual cost.
What is your age, Mr.. Gwilliams?':
my age? Well, suppose you put it
down at thirty"
/ "H'm-I should have guessed you
We're considerably over that. However,
on the basis of-let me See--hera it is
at thirty it would cost you on each
$1,000 only $500, Mr.. Civilians. Fig
urlng on the basis of-of forty-five, let
| US say, it would cost only ST.. SO a year.
or little over 500 year on $1,000. I
defy the world, Mr.. Civilians, to equal
those fgures'-
DO you belong to any church. Mr..
Scorjel?"
i NO, I'm not exactly a member. !
attend church pretty regularly, though.
I believe IN churches and all that. OF
course. I've taken the applications of
hundreds of church members In fact.
the Unpuncturable almost makes a
specially, you might say, of insuring
that kind of people, 1t pays bigger
dividends, Mr. Civilians, than any
company
What is your first name, Mr.. Scor-
Ejel?"
Godfrey"
"oh. yes. I remember. Ever in Nc.
Connellsville, Ohio?"
| Il never was. Now
| Handsome old town. Some of the
best people 1 have ever known came
from McConnellsville. If ever you
nave the chance, Mr.. Scorjel, you must
visit McConnellsville without fall"
Yes, l certainly will. How much
lie insurance did you say you were
carrying, Mr.. Gwilliams?"
Il didn't say, Mr.. Scorjel. said i
was carrying all the life insurance I
wanted to carry, Mr.. Scorjel."
II know, of course, how it ALWAYS
strikes man when anybody talks life
insurance to him. If he's asked straight
up and down if he wants any insurance
nine times out of ten he saws he
doesn't. But when I can get man to
listen to me for just a few minutes
while show him how mucn better our
pian Is than any other, Mr. CIVIL
Hams
by the way, Mr.. Scorjel, did you
ever take up oxygen as a special
study?"
i can't say I ever did,
Its a wonderfully fascinating sub
Ject. The air we breathe, Mr.. Scorjel,
as you may be aware, is composed of
about twenty-one parts of oxygen and
seventy mine parts of hydrogen. With
every breadth you draw you cause the
air to lose about 5 per cent. of it's oxy-
gen. If we suppose you breathe twenty
SIX cubic inches of air at each inspira-
ton and breathe eighteen times a min
ute, you cause 46S cubic inches of air
10 pass through your lungs every min
ute, and In an hour you vitiate-let he
inquire Httle-you vitiate, Mr.. Scorjel,
quantity of air equal to-
1t wouldn't take me two. minutes,
Mr.. Civilians, toa-7
| But passing by the mere question of
hgures, Mr.. Scorjel e let us consider
oxygen in its relationfto the blood. The
oxygen is taken up by the lungs and
carried Off in the arterial circulation.
lmpartlng to the blood the bright red
COLOR
| Now there's no use of YOUR irving
10 nave fun with me, Mr.. Gwilliams''-
| L don't like to mention it. Mr.. Scor-
5el, but you have been chewing a
wooden toothpick ever since you came
in. 1 may be undu1y fastidious. but
the habit offends me. A man who goes
1 NhO"ilS d lOOOlupIcK-tnank
you know better now-will rn his arm
behind girls elbow and grab her
hand in his as he walks along the
street with her.
Then I suppose, Mr.. Civilians, it's
no use to-
| mot the least in the world, Mr.. Scor-
| Jel. The girl doesn't need to be sup
ported in that manner
| Think you're smart, don't you. Mr..
Gwilliams"-
Beg pardon, Mr.. Scorjel, but If YOU
interrupt me in this way how can I
tell you what I think of a man who
wipes his face with his handkerchief
and then looks at the handkerchief
| to see the result
What kind of a blamed old
That's right, Mr.. Scorjel. Swear and
call names, Mr.. Scorjel! I don't mind
1t, you ha1f-civilized boor I'm used to
| IT. IT were not the most patient man
since Job I'd be in hot water all the
time, for somebody is always trying 10
| irritate me. But I won't be irritated.
confound you! Some men would get I'D
| and kick you out Of the office, Mr.. Scor-
1ei, but I shall simply-hallo, James,
Snow this man the nearest way to the
elevator, will you?"-Chicago Tribune.