The Elk Mountain pilot., 1899-11-14
Bob ingerson Sends A Letter
Fron. He.i.

( you the letter promised beforelea
ing New York. Sam Jones mad
vertantly told the truth for Just as
he predicted, and as 1 exactly ex-
pected, I am in iIades Came
straight through without stop. l
am sitting on a hot cinder writing
this letter on apiece of slate gouged
out of the ceiling with my trident.
A trident you know is one Of
those funny little pitchforks like
Neptune used to carry with him at
the seaside. Everybody has one
and it makes fellow think he is
at a populist convention.
When | was on earth [ didn't
believe in hell for | had Travelled
in Kansas and didn't think there
could be two places so much alike,
But l hadn't been here half day
till I believed it awhole lot. 1t is
much more genuine and realistic
than I anticipated, but think I'll
! like it when I get acclimated. Just
now my feet are bistered from
walking ON the hot pavements and
I'm dabbling them in the StyX
to cool them off. 1 was talking to
Moses awhile ago and he says
they'll soon get caloused and then
III be all hunkadori. He has read
my mistakes of Moses" and laugh
ingly admitted that he made a good
many when he was new to the bust
ness. He is a iovial old cuss and
[ rather like him. He told me on
the dead-eyerything is ION the
dead" here-that he didn't write
the Pentateuch, but knows who
did.
There are lots of people here and
strangers arrive daily. But I
would not advise you to come down
until fall or winter-and even then
you needn't bring anything but a
light summer suit. You won'tneed
an overcoat, umbrella or skates, but
might bring along palm leaf fan
or two for as an Imaginary myth
ical, figurative, allegorical, unorth-
odox" hell is about the hottest one
| ever got into.
But say! l got here just in time
to strike a snap. Henry Ward
Beecher had just been retired on
account of age and Mephistopheles
appointed me to succeed him as
boss of the New York colony-the
largest one here. / have a lovely
new trident with cute little spear
point business on the tines, and the
devil has promised to getme q long
red tail and 4 pair Of horns like lis
when he goes to the city next week.
There are ministers here of
every denomination and several
camp meetings are in progress
down the river. Horace Greely
introduced me toSpurgeon and old
Peter Cartwright last night and we
had a very pleasant little lark TO-
gether. They expect Talmage to
join them before long, | have
also shaken hands with Tom Paine
and Voltaire and find them very
pleasant gentlemen. Said they
! had watched my career for some
time and were expecting me daily.
Ben Franklin called on me this
morning: he rs wearing his hairshort
now and doesn't look SO much
like Queen Lilioukalani as he used
to. | never could tell their pict-
ures apart.
Of course the trust is here, "big-
germ n chipmunk." Solomon
and Brigham Young have all the
women cornered and the politicians
are organizing to defeat the present
administration and elect a new
devil. They want me to make the
nominating speech. You remem-
ber | nominated Blaine for pres
ident once and did it up in shape.
| don't know who will be the nom
inee. Jay Gould is running well
on account of his money and
Judas Iscariot and Ananias are
quite popular.
[ wish you could send me the
papers. / would like to see what
is being said about me. | suppose