Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-07-20
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Moved IL up to the roof."-Judge.
The novice-"Do you find 1t hard
work, my boyT' The caddie-"Well. de
hardest parts keepin' from laughin'
when de guys miss de ball."--Puck.
"Did that woman give any reason for
attempting suicideY Eyes. your hon.
or" "What was itg' 'She says she
wanted to kill herself. "-Chicago Rec
ord.
Browne-'Waiter bring me dozen
oysters on the half-shell." Waiter
Sorry, sab, but wes all out of shell
fish, sab, 'ceptin' aigs. "-Rachester
Union and Advertiser.
She (coquettishly)-"I read the other
day, Cousin Charley, that marriage IL
declining" He dnspired)-"Oh, that's
(Seizes the opportunity and proposes0
Punch.
"What are you signing for?' asked
the Registry Department Of the Dead
Letter Office. mo one has so many
rejected addresses as L." was the sor-
rowful reply. - Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
Minister-"My poor woman, you must
be full Of regret for the awful crime
you committed" Condemned murder
ess-"Yes; should have done it twen-
ty years ago, when was young and
eautiful."-Judge.
"My husband" said Mrs. Malaprop,
sis just crazy over the opening of the
fishing season. He can't think or talk
of anything else" "Fond of the sport,
Is hep asked her friend. We'll, 1
should say SO! He's a regular Anglo
maniac"
Mrs. Jackson-"Speakin' OBJ your hus-
BAN, Mrs. Wimple, did he evan convey
to you dat he done propose to me befo'
he married you?" Mrs. Wimple-
"'Deed he didn't! He was so ashamed
OBJ some OBJ de fings he did dat nevah
insisted upon a confession. Life.
An exchange of shots: Mr.. Wedd
(spitefully)-"You look as If you had
been rubbing your face all over the in
side Of q powder-factory." Mrs. Wedd
(sweetly MISUNDERSTANDING I have,
love; but 1t is smokeless powder and
doesn't smell like barroom. Judge.
"Well, old man, guess l better 60
home. My wife will raise holy row,
even as 1t is" why don't you do as |
do when you find you have stayed out
too later" "What do you do?" 81 just
keep on staying out until know she is
scared and will be overjoyed to see
me-"
'In the spring a young mans fancy
lightly turns to thoughts of love-" he
said. She sighed and shook her head.
''That's the trouble" she replied; "they
turn lightly instead Of seriously" For
she was girl who had been through
several spring engagements.-Chicago
Post.
Tommy" said a father to his pre-
cocious 5-year-old son and heir, your
mother tells me she gives you pennies
to be good. Do you think that is right?'
"Of course 1t is" replied Tommy; you
certainly don't want me to grow up and
be good for nothing, do youT-Chicago
News.
A young hopeful sat in the window a
long time the other night during a
thunderstorm, and contemplated the
scene with a wise look on his face.
Then he turned to his mother, and said:
Mamma, the angels are scratching
matches on the sky" = Household
Words.
A different commodity: Mrs. Newly
wed-"I don't see why you are in such
a hurry to get to work, mornings. You
used to say that you could love me
through all eternity" Mr.. Newlywed-
"And so 1 can and will, dearest; but
time on earth is more valuable, you
know."-Judge.
Mr.. Courtney (fiatteringly)-T had
the blues awfully when came here to-
night, Miss Fisher, but they are all
gone now. You are as good as medi-
cine" Miss Fishers little brother
Eyes; father says she'll be drug in
the market If she doesn't catch on to
some fellow soon."-Tit-Bits
An unavailable Endorsement: Clerk
| Ito patent medicine man)-"Here is a
| curious credential from one Of our GUS
toners" Medicine man-"Read it."
Clerk" Before took your Elixir my
face was sight. You ought to see IL
now. Send me another bottle for my
mother-in-law.' Harlem Life.
Remember, boys" said the master
"that in the bright lexicon of youth
there's no such word as fall" After q
few moments a boy raised his hand
well, what is 1t my lad?" asked the
master. II was merely going to sug
gest," replied the youngster, that II
such is the case 1t would be advisable
to write to the publishers of that lexi.
con, and call their attention to the
| omission. Tit
Theodore" said Mrs. Hardscrabble
looking up from the paper, II see that
a New York banker has given three
thousand dollars to the Princeton De.
batting Society. How ridiculousI You
don't have to give women money to
learn how to talk" NO." responded
Mr.. Hardscrabble, feelingly, 1--WE no.
ticed It's when you don't give them
money that they do tse.r Iest talking"
Life.
4
Facts About Our Gale ndar.