Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1899-10-17
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AS YOU LIKE IT.
ORLANDO-"As I remember,
it was upon this fashion,
THE HAPLEss ROMANCE OF TIL.

THE IAPLE.SS ROM ANCF. OF THE
GLOOMY YOUTH.
I'm not a bit superStitious. but T.
might have been Il married man." said
The gloomy youth with the lantern
jaws. as he dangled his legs over a
stool at the lunch counter and stirred
his coffee :n"ditatively; If hadn't run
afoul Of red headed girl and white
horse combination in my courtsh;p.
Everything went srGoothly enough un
I'll one afternoon took her out for 4
drive behind Il pair of mik-white plugs
that III" livervman sprans on me in al
fateful hour.
she lived in Staunton-livnS there vet
for that matter: but she has passed
out Of my lie forever. and the place
She once filed here'-an the gloomy
youth swa1ted himself in the left up
per rib'is now an aching void
YOUR" Il nice romantic locking dub.
aint ynu?' quiZZed the gloomy youths
companion. moon-faced man VIII"
was eating pork and beans With an evil
celery ana otherwise. Whats the CON
ncc,ion between the white horses the
red headed girl ana the wedding bells
that didn't rinE?''
The gloomy youth gave him look of
| ,ppronch The moon faced man soft
cred under it. and. in a tone half ap,l-
"g"tic for his harshncss and want of
sentimentality. he murmurcd: Go on
Tommy: tell us about it,
The gloomy youths dismal counte-
nance lighted for one swift moment
WITH Il Walter G. Kelly smile. He re-
Sumed:
She was an admirable girl. Bill.
You'd have thought horses and car
riages. ana ice cream and oyster sup
!,erS and gold garter buckles and par
luette coupons Of her yourself. if you'd
known her as l did. Bill. Any fellow
would"
and she threw you down?'- the
moorfaced man asked with solcitude
unfeigned.
The gloomy youth sighed some more.
parachute jumps and high dives are
| nothing to the tumble She gave me.
| Say. ELL: when you We're a kid you
used to chase the band wagon in the
circus parade. didn't you? And while
! YOU were stealing L ride on the tail Of
| the wagon do you remember what de-
| ightful thrills Went through you as
! yo,, hung on there listening to the
| music? And while you We're reEellng
| n your gigantic jag Of bliss. rs it were,
| he band leader would suddenly reach
over and jostle the stem end of Il b flat
0rnet against your freaStbone With the
| force of a hnttering ram. and down you
would so into the road. rolling over and
| over as helpless as 4 prize sea lion on
| / newly waxed ball room floor And
Will" you We're in that condition a
troop Of mounted knights in full pano-
| ply and ladies without any panoply on.
| followed Ivy Il camel With seventeen
humps would come marching along to
the tune of the Star Spangled Banner
| and tread all over you. wouldn't they?
Well. felt Just as If that had happen
| cd To me over again. Bill, when my
| lady love let me down after those White
| horses had got in their fell work.
IT happened this way. | had been
| been living here in Newport News two
Years writing my little billy-dooses re-
SularlN twice Il week ana for WartlinS
the occasional nosegay and cratcof bon
EnnS in the most approved style. You
know was engaged to her when
| came here from the mountains. She
was mighty anxious to have me run up
for 4 visit once in \ while. but twenty
four mortal months Went hy before
got the chance 20 break away from my
business. | went up there With every
sail set and a wad in my inside pocket
rs big as your fist proposed to give
h"r good time. and Non know there's
nothing tight about me When start in
on that sort of thing. don't you Bill?
My initial move along that line
after I got there was to suggest that
memorable carriage ride. She accept
ed the invitation of course. Did YOU
ever know a girl to refuse to take 4
carriage ride with anything short Of
a missing link? Say. Bill. let me tip
you unc. Il you ever go after girl
who has one OF more other dubs on her
staff just you let the other fellows scEd
| her the candy and flowers, while you
| bank Your money With the liveryman
| If she's anything like the Overwhelming:
majority of feminine folks. YOU stand
seven to one to win that the The other
| fellows will ornament the street cor
| !lelS in the afternoon With scented
violet paper notes of regret in their
| pockets. and see her drive by with You.
wearing somebody's flowers and MUNICH
ing somebody else's bon-bon
r
But TO get back to the story. Bill,
! I Went around to her house that after
noon in n new set of plumage that
would have made Solomon in all MS
glory look like a man who had fell over
board on fishing trip and was wait
| ing for the shades of night to fall. sos
| he could sneak home through the back
alleys without meeting anybody Of his
acquaintance. had ordered the
| carriage for five O'clock and at
| 5 O'Clock it came. Now hadn't stipu-
lated With the liveIyman as TO the color
OF the horses. but when that carriage
rolled UP to the door drawn by PAIR
Of snow white steeds the shock almost
put the light out in my tower. You
| could have bought me for thirty cents.
high hat. 80 shoes and all; and if you
We're a close buyer. Bill. maybe yoi,
| could have worked the old scheme IF
claiming that the goods didn't stand
inspection after delivery and copied a
rebate Of 20 per cent off the figures
quoted. However, there vas nothing
| to do but put up a bold front a that
| stage OF the game. Both of us. the red
headed girl as we'll myself app..-
ciated the delicacy Of the Situation, ana
i we uttered no word OF com:rleIt Or
criticism. but ! could see as plainly as
see your face this moment, Bil-and
Lord knows that's plain enough thai
bere vas a conf1agration raging under
the front Of her lace collar that would