The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1899-09-16
pAssINe PbEAsANIRIEs.

"Do you know anything that Will
make me stout. doctOr?" ''Why, GER
tainly I do" What IS ~" ''Flesh. =
Yonkers Statesman.
Lucky MANI always enjoy the
minstrel jokes" "Why?" "'CauBe I've
got such a poor memory. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Redd-I suppose you play golf the
same on Sunday as on any other day.
Green-Eo; don't swear at the caddies
on Sunday.-Yonkers Statesman.
Tommy-Pop, what is q necessary
evil? TOmmy's Pop-A necessary evil,
my boy, is-um-one we like so much
that we don't care about abolishing IT,
Philadelphia Record.
Feminine AmenIties-"she said she
was shocked" asserted the girl In blue.
returned the girl In gray, promptly
Chicago Evening Post.
Always to BIame-AIamma-"Jo Johnny,
fear you were not at school yester-
day" Johnny-"H'm! know the
teacher told you. A woman can never
keep ecret."-Boston Traveller.
A PhilanthropIst.- (angrily)-
you've no right to be engaged to so
many men at once. She (sweety)--
You see, believe In the greatest good
to the Observation-Disclosures Life
The New MISUNDERSTANDING
goes the prominent man Of our village"
Stranger-"He's quite wealthy, / sup"
pose" Natlve-"Well, I should say so:
Why, he's an automobile mobillionaire.S
Chicago News.
"of course. Norah. you know that
marriage is a very serious thing" said
Mrs. rockingham to her cook, who
had told her that she was about to set
up housekeeping for herself. yes, m
/ know that" replied Nora, but 1t isn't
half so serious as being single. "-Har-
per's Bazaar.
The Impudence of Genlus-Mrs. Par
venu-I don't think the picture looks
like me at all. The Artist-Perhaps
not. But It Is an exact representation
of the way you would look II you had
been rich all your life. and that is what
you want, is It not?-Indianapolis Jour-
nal.
Serious Omisslon-"I'm afraid we've
offended Mrs. Lorenzo Van Renssal-
aer," said the editor of the Sunday Luz
mlnary to his assistant. why, noted
the arrival at Newport Of Mrs. Van
you did not say that they took with
them a retlnue Of servants. PUCK.
Home Agaln-"Josiah," said Mrs.
Corntassel. as her husband came wear,
lily up the front step, II hope you KEEP
your head while you was in town" II
did, Mandy" was the humble reply;
"but I guess 1t was only because none
o. them fellows took a notion that he
needed Il In his business. washing
ton Star.
Declined to Interfere-"Slr." began
young TImkins. as he entered the pres
ence of the dear girls father, Il want to
marry your daughter" "oh. don't
come to me with your troubles" inter-
rupted the old gentleman. "She told
me some time ago that she intended to
marry you, so you'll have to settle 1t
between yourselves. Chicago News
Hlcks-"Funny thing happened to
Melville the other evening. He found
out when he had pulled the door to
after coming through 1t that he had
left his keys in the house" Wicks-
And so he was forced to remain out
all nIght2 That was too bad" Hicks
Yes: but he bore up under 1t with
Christian fortltude. He thinks he Will
try 1t again some other night."-Boston
Traveller.
Inauence.-The Doctor-Everythlng
goes by favorltism these days. Even
the dog can't get into a respectable
family without Influence. The Profess
sor-That explains the appearance OF
the daschhund. He's the dog that has
the strongest pull.-ChIcago Tribune.
In the Smart Set.-Mrs. Jones-f the
clergyman hesitated why didn't you get
a civil magistrate to marry you? Mrs.
Brown-oh, couldn't think of It! It's
bad enough for a person Of a deeply
religious nature to have to be divorced
by a magistrate, to say nothing OF be-
Inu mn rrlpd NV ono -nRtrnIt Journal