The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-09-03
COFFIN DRUMMER'S STORY.
PRoTEs BY A TALE THAT HIS CALLING
Is NOT ILL GLOOMY.

"Gbost-wal No. 3. Gibson" he said 10 the
beliboy who answered his call
The drummer nodded an acquiescence to the
assignment and followed the boy 10 the osva-
tor When he returned 70 the lobby half an
hour later tho cherry phosphate salesman who
had stood within earshot Of the desk when the
drummer registered, came forward and said,
curiously:
Il beg your pardon. but will you give me a
clue to the mystery OF the clerks Instructions
in regard TO your room1 What and where Is
the ghost-valIF
The experienced drummor looked up in sur
prise
been all your life? Thought everybody knew
abou. that. Why. the ghost-walk Ia what they
. always cal! the rooms whore the men OF my
line ars slowed away"
The cherry phosphate man nu.hed slightly
at the nusicn to his possible backwoods orr
gin. but boldly persisted in his laudabls en-.
teavor to add to his meagre fund OF informal
ton What is your liner" he asked.
Collins" said the experienced drummer,
sucrinctly.
The cherry phosphate representative quailed
"Great Scott!' he exclaimed. You don't travel
around with a--wth those things do your"
why not?" demanded the experienced drum
mcr. irritably. What's the matter with oof-
fins? They're something we've all got tn come
70. sooner of later. unless we happen to be In
c!nerated in hotel fire or die in the course Of
trip abroad and get showed of into the meas
urrless depths OF the murmuring sea- For my
rart | must say that prefer coffin to either
OF those alternatives"
oh. don't know that there Is anything the
matter with your collins" returned the phos-
1hate man. calmly ignoring the reference to
possible casualties. II there was I suppose
you couldn't sell them. But it must be a grew
some sort OF business"
The coffin man shifted angrily. Now, see
here" he said don't you know that that's all
tommyrot? But suppose ought not blame
you for your ignorance. You're no worse than
nine out of ten of the other people l meet
HCSestly. It makes me boil sometimes to see
how people look upon coffin man. 1t seems
to be the popular impression that our travel
ling paraphernalia consists OF a hearse and q
pair OF funeral horses, not to mention q car
load of collins and a Saratoga trunk full Of
shrouls while some folks even go so far as to
imagine that we carry a corpse around to
make the display more attractive.
why. even the cosmopolitan hotel clerks
put on doleful cast OF countenance the min
ute we approach. and there isn't a hotel in the
country that has not a ghost walk similar to
4 the one the mention Of which caused you so
much wonderment a little while ago. More
over. it is positive fact that after certain set
Of rooms has once got the reputation Of being
occupied by cofflnmen, 1t is like pulling eye
teeth without gas to get anybody else to co.
cupy them. and the chambermaids. who are
supposed to become hardened to anything.
scuttle through the adjacent halls as II a whole
legion Of ghosts was hard after them.
Now. this is a misconception that is chock
full of absurdity The coffin business is not
,hrn NOV lfr NArtN Aln 1hNy.- q
10 a centuries-old proverb that an undertaken
is the most jovial man on the face OF the
earth. and It ought TO be an equally we'll
known fact that II he has a rival in humor and
pleasantly. It Is the man who supplies him with
collins. Just you ask any man who knows us
well on the road and he will tell you. that is II
he IS an unprejudced and just man. he will
tell you that the coffin men are the joiest lot
he comes in contact with. Why, bless your
Boul,we don't have time to get blue and ponder
on the terrors OF the time when we shall como
to lie in the bed Of our own making l tell you.
II there is anybody who knows what hustle
means in it's present active form. it is the cof-
I'm men.
You might think that because coffin Is such
. necessary article the demand would be 80
great that it would be trick at all to sell them
But there you'd be wrong again. Useful though
q coffin may be and great though its popularity.
you needn't fool yourself into the belief that a
narson ia Going 70 hmm into tho frat one TIM,
comas oIong and cav .Thst,s all risbt. hare
poss, No sirree Tho AVERAGE man IA ,ust az
n,rtIor,or about tho atvIa and quality y, this
ia,t tbino bs ia ooino 10 want on earth as
bsi, about bis voddine suit and Won von,,
naIrn ory avoid boY an him witb tho assurance
that II will do we'll snongb con.,derIng that
nohodv will saa him anyway after be has worn
u n fov hours rvo tr,.d th., areurart and
ia mo- On Nost noonIe ara nnreasonahIs
onorgb 70 irsist thot thav o~naot 70 h. huriod
hu, onco an th,t tb.y want n ho laid oway in
good stv,a ,vhan ,ho, n,op,ontor. Tin, q doos nv.
rive So Won vii, readily ace thot aItbongb 7
borJro ono - tho vat ;mnort,nt and vidaIv-
pon,r,r oom noditias nm tb. rorket 7 have n
be orornatio and ,v;ds .voLa 10 Mac. ~ ,
goods ao ifJ r,s dr,r, m;ro around with oomo
hin Nat av.rvhodv cid ca, a,ong yy,tbon,
inst 40 you 90 notNsov oharru nho.nhata ~,
ins,,noon
w. s n..,s.. =.
pirnIn, - 49,, 49, ~ his s,h;an, ~ cameo,
e'''''hs W Wai" w w hto ouc'oSe 40 oAthOo'