The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1899-05-02
A BARGAIN.

troubles fade into insignidcance by
comparison. When the calendar be-
comes divided into four seasons-viz,
collie. teething, walking and talking.
and the principal items of expense are
pap, p~aregoric, Ponds extract and
pills, then all other ills which do not
affect the health and well being of the
infantry" fade awayluntn they become
as nothing. There is nothing amusing
| about the illness of a child, even if it
be no more than that common and com
prehensive ailment known as ''tummy
ache. Therefore the annals Of the Nu-
wed family have been allowed to lapse
for lack of suitable material. But last
| week there occurred ~an.incident in the
real comedy vein which may be worth
recording.
Now, it happened that for once the
imp and the infant were asleep stimuli
taneorsly, and Mrs. Nuwed was enter
tanning aAcouple of callers amid such
unaccusto1ned peace and tranquility
she could scarcely realize it, and was
constantly ON the qui vive for some
thing, to,happen. Consequently a ring
at the, doorbel gave her a nervous start
that completely severed the threads of
conversation.
Nowathe, Nuweds live in n Of those
modern fiat buildings which have all
the doorbells down in the lobby and
speaking tubes,running to the different
apartments, so that it is possible to
put a caller Through a sort of entrance
examination before admitting him by
means of a push button that opens the
front door.
So when Mrs. .Nuwed's maidservant,
who combines the duties of cook, cham
bermaid and nurse, appeared to an
nounce the visitor the ladies learned
that a smooth spoken individual desired
to show the s'lady of the house some
very fine imported dress goods. Accord
ingly they decided to admit him and
inspect his wares, a species of dissipa-
ton which no woman can resist, be he
a peddler of tinware or a purveyor of
silks and laces. The three together de-
cided that they were a match for any
falkland, by the way, it is now time
to introduce the other ladies as Mrs.
Latin and Mrs. Pearl.
The peddler proved to be a very suave
individual, with a slight Scotch accent,
and as he unrolled his pack he proceeded
to unfold a very specious tale about
how he became possessed of these valu-
able goods and was able to offer them
to discerning ladies at surprisingly low
figures. According to this tale, he
bought them dirt cheap, owing to his
connection with some English mills,
and the inference was that he had sue
ceeded in sneaking them past Uncle
Sans customs collectors without pay
ing the customary duty. Now, it is a
strange and unexplained characteristic
of women that nothing appeals to them
like struggled goods. Consequently this
ingenious tale heightened the interest
in his wares, and when he unfolded
them it was to a chorus of ecstatie fem
mime squeals.
They were very plausible looking
pieces of dress goods, with a fine glossy
finish like broadcloth, good selvage and
a yard and a half wide. All these points
were artfully suggested by the peddler,
although he permitted the ladies to
think that they had discovered them.
CHOW, you know, of course, that no
cheap goods come in this width, said
he oracularly, whereat each lady nodded
assent. Indeed it may be suspected that
this peddler was a bit of a hypnotist.
Of course the price was the next
thing asked, and the artful peddler at
first mentioned a pretty stiff figure.
When the ladies drew back, he admit
ted that as he was anxious to return to
the old country, he would entertain
propositions looking toward scaling
down the original price. At the same
time he took occasion to mention that
he had sold to Mrs. Senator O'Grady a
piece of goods exactly like the n of
fered for a greatly advanced price.
Then ensued a chattering and bargain
ing which, it may also be noted, is an
other delight of the feminine soul.
There was one piece of black goods
which all the ladies coveted, but Mrs.
Pearl was the first to make an offer for
it, so the others sat back and left the
field to her. The price gradually dimin-
ished from SO to So for a piece of five
yards, and IN reaching this latter figure
the peddler threw up his hands despair
ingly and declared he could reduce 1t no
more.
Encouraged by the success Of Mrs.
Pearl in beating down the peddler, the
other ladies tried a few passes at him,
but the prices they offered were not up
to his standard, and, with the air Of a
man who had been badly beaten, he
folded up his pack and departed. Then.
ttrange to say, after her triumph, Mrs.
Pearl became panic stricken. explaining
that it was a piece of extravaganza on
her part, and that she had expended on
this piece of goods, which she could not
possibly use before next fall, a large
part of her weekly allowance. She like
wise declared that she was afraid to take
it home lest her husband should up
braid her. Accordingly, she agreed to
leave it with Mrs. Nuwed for a day or
two, until she could smuggle it home.
And this is how Mrs. Nuwed came to
covet her neighbours goods. By the time
Mr.. Nuwed came home to dinner she
had inspected that piece of ''broad-
cloth" at least a dozen times, and with
each inspection her desire to possess it
became overpowering.
So when Mr.. Nuwed, tired and hun
CRY, did arrive he was treated to a
rhapsody on this particular piece of
~''broadcloth" and was silently voted
an unfeeling brute by his gentle spouse
because he preferred corned beef and
cabbage to contemplation of its mani
fold beauties. After dinner and with
lighted cigar between his lips he as
sumed a judicial aspect and proceeded
to examine the cloth. Mrs. Nuwed dis
played it in all lights, draped it over
her shapely person dresswise and ex-
patiated upon its beautiful gloss, it's
great width and its eminent ~desirability
as a spring gown. Then, of course, she
explained how she "really had nothing
to wear, which was something of a
revelation to Mr.. Nuwed, who recalled
some recently paid dressmaker's bills
and could not remember having seen
his spouse in the role of beauty un-
adorned. However, like a wise hus-
band, he said nothing on this score
and contented himself with trying to
tear the cloth, after which he decided
that it.was pretty good. stuff.