The times., 1899-10-29
NAY-YEA ON HIS TOWER

Now. in the days when the Ohioites had
troubles Of their own and the earth was
rent with lcud voices and embaImed beef
was in every mans mouth. If came TO mss
that Mark Hanna departed unto his own
tribe that his soothsayers and those who
rode upon the Pie Chariot might dud com
fort. And when he had departed il
came that there was no ruler in the Dis
/ trict called Columbia nor was there any
man to say unto the people Behold. /
am tt And the White House was filled
with space but the people feared not and
ate thrice upon each day. and concealed
large clubs beneath their Taiment when
they went upon the highways
And it came TO pass that the Scribe Nay
Yea was taken with a certain strange
disease which no healer might cast
out And some called the disease an over
production Of gas, while the wise men
answered that it was but a caniption.
which, being translated, meaneth a swell
ing Of the bumps. And Nay-Yea feared
for the District called Columbia, and rent
his raiment and mourned that the people
might fall dead or meet calamity without
ruler And the people still ate thrice
per day and concealed clubs Of greater
size, even unto four cubits in OK power.
And Nay-Yea sat upon the high roofs
of the city and walled. saying Woe,
woel' and Back. back." And being ruler
Of the Board Of Trade, many men gazed
upon him in wonder, saying, Verify, the
Board of Health is lax But Nay Yea
mourned and lamented. saying Even that
Wighty one hath departed unto the money
changers and l alone am left TO care for
the people" And Nay-Yea became pos
sessed of an idea and was c0mforted- And
he went unto his servants and bade them
resemble a busy day. And he spake, say
ing, Behold build me great tower that
/ may sit upon it and see to it that the
earth ceases not to move nor the sun to
shine. for 1 have great responsibility
upon me- And they built tower, which
was a great tower, being many Cubits
high that the bumps upon Nay s head
might find room to swell.
And Nay-Yea was exceeding pleased with
his tower and sat upon it and spake And.
behold his words were taken up into the
air and appeared each day upon a parch
ment, called The Star" And Nay Yea
posted sentinels upon his tower. And to
watch 10 the west that Dorsey FOultZ el-
ter not the city" and TO the other he com
manded, saying, Do thou study we'll the
growth Of the association OF those wno are
Business Men. for fear that they may
breathe the air which I have cho en- f1r the
Board of Trade, and to the ether he sp Ike.
saying, DO thou watch for the return of
the Wighty pTodigal, that I may Kill the
sinful bonding company which hath Sc
duced him" And NayYea took it upon
himself TO regulate the sun and the earth.
and to see that all was well.
And NayYea thought unto himssif, cry
ing aloud: Verify. I am the Fourth OF
July Behold, the twin Georges-Wash. .ng-
ton and Dewey-are but trifes when I an
upon my tower" And the people assem-
bled to gaze upon him and he was swelIed
like unto a rheumatic prune And he wore
many tea store premiums upon his raj
ment and his feet rested upon calcium
lights. And the air was filled with foun-
tain pens and wrong fonts. But the peo-
pie grew weary and departed saying
Come off, and again. Come off,"
And Nay-Yea had wrath and the earth
was filled with wind
Then the sentinel upon the tower called
aloud, saying, Behold, the Wighty prodigal
retuTneth.' And Nay-Yea went forth to
greet him and fell upon his chest, causing
a great explosion. And Nay Yea ordered
that the bonding company be slaughtered
and made merry, saying, This is my ser
want who sought to leave me, who dared
to roam and who hath returned" And OF
the fragments Of the feast they gathered
up $4,000 basketsful and gave them unto
the money changers. And the people still
ate thrice per day and are wise in the
handling of lead pipe.
These things came to pass in the last
year Of the reign of John B. Wight. Com
missioner of the District of Columbia,