Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1899-07-14
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II wonder if that girl next door plays
by ear" "No, by the Chicago
Daily News.
He-"What are you two girls talking
about" She-"Nothing; are your ears
burning Y'-Yonkers Statesman.
Jones got broke of walking in his
Sleep" "HowY His wife made him
carry the y."-Philadelphia Bulle-
tin.
How did you succeed in your
speech" when sat down they said
1t was the best thing l ever did,
Judy.
He-"Was your brother engaged in
the late war;" She-"No; not until
after he came home. "-Yonkers States
man.
"Dasher didn't weigh his chances
when he went into that enterprise"
"And yet he speculated on a large
scale. "-Moonshine.
II saw you Waiting around your
lawn this morning" Excuse me- that
wasn't waltz-it was hose reel
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Adalbert-And so am the first man
that you have ever kissed? Guinevere
Yes; Adalbert; the others took the
Initiative Chicago Daily News.
do you think strong dring shortens
mans lifeY ut may, but 1 never
saw topper who didn't live out the full
ness Of his days."-Philadelphi Bulle-
tin.
who's that horrid little man over
the wayY "Oh, that's my brother"
"How stupid of me, dear; I ought to
have known by the likeness. Ally
Sloper.
Listening to speaker, you can tell
every school teacher in the audience
by the way they look when he mispro-
nounces word.-Washingto Demo
crat.
Surprising.-Mr. Gotham-"Here, sir,
Is some whisky which I have had in
my cellar for twenty years." Col. Kahn
tuck-"Well! How did it get lost?'-
New York Weekly.
Browne-"Waiter, bring me dozen
oysters on the half SHE'LL" Waiter
"Sorry, sab, but we'se all out of she'll
fish, sab, 'ceptin' aigs."- Rochester
Union and Advertiser.
II would like straw with this lem
onade," said the lady at the table.
"HeyY CALCULATED the waiter, who was
hard Of hearing. mo; straw. said"
-Yonkers Statesman.
Birdcage Bill-W'ot is a loafer? Why,
loafer is Teller dat loafs Of course!
The Bowery Chicken-Dat shows your
ignorance. A loafer is a Teller dat loafs
and has no bank account
Maude-"You wouldn't know my
fiance now If you met him." Nell
"Why, has he changed SO much as
that? Maude-"That isn't it, exactly.
I've changed him."-Pick Me Up.
Mrs. Murphy-"Now,. which wan of
youse byes trun that ball t'ro me base
ment windyY The Pitcher-"Al kicks
must be registered with the umpire,
Teddy. Play ball, fellersv' -Up-to-Date.
The Wife-"If you object to giving
me money always, why don't you give
me SO much year and have done with
itY The Husband-"I do give you so
much That's just what object to-"
Judy.
Salesman-"This is the fashionable
color, madame" Nine. Parvenu-
"Very nkely-but can't you let me have
cloth Of that local color the painters
talk so much aboutY'-Le Journal
Amusant.
Young Optician-'1t seems to be
complication of conjunctivities, pres
byopia and astigmatism." The patient
Say, mister, how many pairs O.
specs'l it take to cure 'emY-The
jewelers. Weekly.
Johnny, are your people going to
take you with them on that trip across
the ocean, "Yes'm." "Aren't you
afraidY Nome. Amt afraid Of moth
in. I've been vaccinated an baptized"
Chicago Tribune.
''Your voice." said the commanding
officer, sis decidedly rasping." Eyes,
sir" replied the subordinate, touching
his hat. II have been out rOughing 1t
with a file of soldiers all the morning."
Chicago Tribune.
81 hear that Mr.. Whiff1etree has Sc
cured a divorce from his wife," said
Mr.. Birmingham. "He has been mus
tered out Of the matrimonial army"
replied Mr.. Manchester.-Pittsbu
Chronicle Telegraph.
Benevolent Stranger Ito little boy
who is looking about for something on
the ground -"What are you searching
for, my dear? What have you lost"
Little Boy-"My balance, sir; tum-
bled off er that fence jest now, and
muvver sed as how I'd lost it, so l
thought I'd try and find it afore father
came home."-Ally Sloper.
Inventor-Tve hit money-making
thing at last. The preachers will go
wild over it, and it will sell like hot