Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1899-05-18

Dodgeville." "Smudges from Smoky
Hollow ..Musky Mushy Musing from
Muscoda. MATTERS Internationally
Mentioned from Mineralpoint," and
Heaps of Heavenly Hilarity from
Highland9"
Last week some practical joker Gre
ated considerable excitement in this
city by circulating the report that
every husband who kisses his wife
must put a revenue stamp on her.
There is no truth in the report.
Stamps are only used where a man
kisses another mans wife and the 9TH
Ell man finds it t-Dial-Enterprise
A good husband whose home has
been an abode of terror for the past
two weeks still holds on to his habit
of repeating portion of one of the
psalms of Solomon every day; but ow-
ing to various disturbing causes,
sometimes gets things little mixed.
He was heard freeing himself of the
following at II 80 Saturday night. as
he embraced a convenient tree:
'.Blessed is the woman who has fin
ished house-cleaning but she whose
carpets are still up walketh in wrath
and is a terror in the family. Yea,
her husband eateth the sandwich at
the saloon; he imbibeth much lager.
He will not 90 home tc dinner for he
knoweth that the evil day is come and
that the parlor stove must vet be
slowed away for the season.-Ex.
ssNever put on a boot that does not
fit you. Ii you see an illusion in a
newspaper, don't take it to yourself
unless YOU feel really guilty OF any
neglect of duty referred to-some-
times when an article appears in a
newspaper that mentions no name IN
connection with some public matter,
the guilty party hastens to put on the
boot and parade himself as the person
properly reprehended by the article.
This is one of the cases where silence
is golden =
1t is said that flour mill at War
rensburg. Mo. ships its product to
Kansas City in barrels, has it repack-
ed in sacks. and employs a stranger
to come to Warrensburg and sell it as
hard wheat flour made in Kansas. 1t
..goes like hot cakes. and has almost
run the home product out Of the mar
ket.
The story Is that famous sign
painter in this city was about to paint
a clock face on SATURDAY morning.
April Is. 1860, when friend told him
Of Lincoln's death Heheard the news
at Sis a. m, and since then all New
York clock faces have had the hands
set to Indicate that hour ~ i. sun.
A couple were married up ia Rich-
land county last week before the new
marriage law went into effect without
securing the prescribed license Meth
err they nor the minister had heard Of
the law When they found ont what
they bad done they were frightened
nearly 10 death took ont q license
and after FIVE days we're married over
again What q time they viii have
in determining the proper date for we'd
ding anniversary celebrations
a pious paper in Illinois tells oi n
girl who took a header from her wheel
and 0as Jared into Inconsistencies
Methods 81 resuscitation were immed-
lately applied without seeming results
until benevolent looking old gentle
man with spectacles said Rub her
neck" At this the vonng woman
came to her senses Tears came and
She suppressed cry OF anguish as she
screamed: "Rubber-neck Yourself you
old fool. and she was 50 mad She
couldn't cry.
Speaking Of being good on Decora-
ton Day. there was a funny thing
happened on Decoration Day in Lam
caster nearly twenty wears ago. 1t
was after the formal exercises were
over and the crowd was wandering
aimlessly about looking for sights.
They found one. 1t was sitting on
the railing Of the balcony over the
east entrance to the court house.
There were two Of them. 10 fact.
male and a female. The love-sick
couple had evidently sought retired
nook where away from the impudent
gaze of curious crowds they might
revel in the bliss Of unrestrained love
demon trations Ii is doubtful. how
ever. If the male was fuller OF love
than he was of sour beer. bat that Is
neither here nor there. To describe
the antics Of that couple IS beyond the
power Of this dull pencil Of mine.
But they Interested the crowd below
who gave their undivided attention to
the performance This was before the
anti-kissing crusade There were
sweet looks aud murmurs and sounds
like a COW pulling her foot out Of the
mud. The performers didn't know
that every time one Of those luscious.
ilong-drawn-out serial smacks was