Omaha daily bee., 1899-11-20
ECHnEs nE nIR WAR.
A Ncbrnsknn's Plan for solving the
DhiIinnInc prnhlcm.

A Ncbrnsknn's Plan for solving the
Philippine Problem.
Much needless anxiety is manifested In
various quarters and In countless columns
as to the best means Of solving the Philip
pine problem when the bird of peace and
the eagle occupy bamboo perch in Luzon
Senators and congressman are duly i'm.
pressed with their responsibilities. with
bowed heads and gravely sober looks they
are preparing for their solemn duties, seem
| ingly convinced that their action involves
| the perpetuity OF republican institutions.
Sedentary editorial writer's, caloric lecturers
! spellbnders seeking a job, and others,
are diligently enlightening the lawmakers
/ on what they should do to keep the ship OF
/ state on deep, smooth seas All these ef-
/ forts to illuminate are wel-meant doubt
! less, but they have increased the enveloping
| fog, accelerated mental agitation and dotted
the throbbing brows OF statesmen with
! beads OF perspiration. But as the darkest
hour precedes the dawn, 80 does the great
est mental perturbation precede the solu-
! tion of that which vexeth the spirit. As
usual, Nebraska comes to the relief of the
perplexed BY deft touch Of pen and ink,
guided by active gray matter the fog van
ishes darkness takes flight and mental calm
ascends the trone. How easy II is when you
know how!
Nebraska may be pardoned IL it pats its
billowy bosom and gives vent to patriotic
pride on having done more than its share
! In giving Uncle Sam the prestige OF a world
monarch. Nebraskas gallant sons scaled
tho ramparts CT Manila and planted there
the "orinamme Of liberty" Later On, when
Aguinaldo's ragged battalons became Of
ficious, it was a Nebraska gun that set the
ball in motion and led the natives a merry
dance Now comes q Nebraskan with a
plan warranted to solve the nations troubles
and make the Philippines the black dia-
monds of the Orient, more precious than
anthracite in midwinter.
The compounder of the Philippine specific
is ]. II. Woodward, NJ. D., L. NJ, of Seward,
Neb. Like all inventors, DR.. Woodward has
such unbounded faith in his diagnosis that
he has had it printed in pamphlet form, un-
der the title, What Shall We Do with the
Philippines? This Problem Solved" The
good doctor emphatically negatives the sug-
gestion that we restore the islands to the
natives, because they are ours both by con-
quest and purchase" That proposition be-
ing unassalable, the doctor argues that
"God created those rich and fruitful islands
under a tropical sun and enveloped them
with a hot and humid climate and race
of people with black skins" Therefore, the
Philippine islands are a providential offer
ing to Uncle Sam as a colony Cor the col
ored race. THE skin Of the colored race"
says the Seward savant, is anatomically
formed with a network of sweat glands
which increase in function to persDire and
radiate heat so per cent more as COM
pared in function with the skin of the white
race. The mouths Of these sweat glands
of the skin of the colored race relax and
dilate in a tropical climate, through which
the perspiration and heat of the body es-
cape rapidly. This enables him to endure
and continue his labor under a tropical sun
where it's rays fall vertically upon him.
The Creator has so organized his skin that
he is designed to live in and endure
tropical clin ate, in which he was originally
created. But the skin Of the white race,
as compared to him, differs materially in
anatomical construction. The sweat glands
of his skin are less numerous, and their
mouths are much less in diameter, which do
not relax and dlate, but contract by super
stimulation OF the suns rays in a tropical
tAimate BY this the boy Is to a great
degree insulated the perspiraton and heat
that should escape through the mouths OF
those sweat glands are retained in the body,
which smothers him down where the suns
rays fall vertically uoon him, which in
capacitates him for labor, only during the
coolest hours of the day. The white race
by the anatomical construction of his skin
renders him unfit, as he would be out Of
harmony with natural law to make his
permanent residence in a tropical climate,
where the rays OF the sun fall vertically to
the earth, but in a country where the tenn
perature is kept lowered and cool by the
suns rays falling in an angular direction
to the earth. Therefore, the colored people
Of the south, in order to live In harmony
with natural and divine law, should occupy
their original climate in the Philippine
islands with all the civilized influences that
this government can extend to them"
Although there is not a shadow of politics
in DR.. Woodward's lucid and logical pres
entation it will evoke enthusiastic support
if II becomes known in the south. The south
is inclined to believe the islands would
make a profitable market for cotton If it
can dispose of the race question at the same
time, the solid south will become political
memory. Viewed in that light, the doctors
panacea contains the germs Of revolu-
ticn.
LIGHT ON CHAMBERLAIN's WAR.
Character of the Average Outlander
DispIayed on q Home Run.