The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1899-12-06


money. l want that for myself Tit
Bits
Jane m.,king the brindle)-"Oh. Josh.
Tend to yewr milkin' and don't be max
in love tew me.'
Josh (milking mooley)-"Oh, go long,
now. I thought yew liked husband
milk. Judge.
In rather dense weather vessel was
making up channel. The pilot tan Irish
mani was in charge of the bridge, and the
skipper leant beside him ON the rail.
Pilot" asked the skipper anxiously
for the second time, ARE you quite sure
you know all the rocks hereabouts?"
Il do, sorr,' was the cheerful reply;
every man, and' Gas the ship struck
heavily "begorra, that's wan of thim!''-
Pearsop'S Weekly.
How the trees groan!" exclaimed the
romantic maid as the wind swept through
the orchard.
NO WONDER" chimed in the practical
youth, they're full of green apples, you
know. Philadelphia Record.
A bill will be introduced from Billvillc
to move Jones' distillery within easier
reach of town. Some Of our leading citi-
there handy.
A bill will be advocated by our repre-
sentative to make county office holders
get out when another man is elected i'll
their place, and to leave enough funds III
the treasury for the other man to live on
Also, a bill to erect a large county poor
house, in consideration of the fact that,
after three years experience in this town.
editors have nowhere to go.-Atlanta
Constitution.
Miss Million (of uncertain agej-"The
only thing that worries me is the wed
ding tour. 1t will be perfectly horrible
to have people know
Miss Rosebud (viciously)-"Oh, don't
worry. They'll think you're his mother
-Tit-Bits.
A youthful Stockton man rushed TO
catch river boat for San Francisco, but
was about two minutes late, says the San
Francisco Wave The steamer was six
feet out as he reached the dock. He
swung his grip aboard, and. jumping,
caught a rope and a post and held fast
Everyone imagined he had fallen in
The captain, peering over the side, saw
his intrepid passenger. Here, YOU he
ever do that again. The passenger had bd
hauled himself aboard by this time, and,
turning a look of ScOrn at the captain
said: 'What do you think I'm going
to do-jump back and try it over again %
-:o:-
English Tourist-''Waiter. bring me
some sugar, please. Wild West Waiter
There amt but three Jumps in the
as them gents gifts through with em-
they've got 'em marked, an they're shak-
in dice with 'em. London Tit-Bits
-:O:-
A young man spent Sunday with his
best girl over ON Pipe Greek somewhere
and noticed she did not eat much for din
ner or supper, relates the Minneapolis
(Kas.) Messenger. He asked her with a
kind smile If she was sick, and she re-
piled by saying she seldom ate much at
any time.
On Monday morning he met the girls
little brother going to school and asked
him how his sister was. The little boy
told him that she was just awful sick,
that mamma told her that she had eaten
too much pumpkin pie, cold cabbage and
fat bacon last night after you went
home" The young man asked if doc
tor had been called. The boy said, NO
Sis is afraid to send for DR.. Aplin for
fear he would find out what made her so
sick and tell it to her friends
MY darling cries the, hero, throwing
-
falters the heroine, laying aside her
maidenly reserve, ''am She" Meanwhile
the villain covers in the corner. Il am
it, he gibbers, for he has gone mad I'M
der the strain.-Detroit Journal.
Recently an eye-gIassed young gentle
man, accompanied by a stylish feminine
friend, was prOmenading BlackpoOl
beach when man with asses accosted
him thus:
Ere We are, sir: two champion donkeys
for you an the lady. Nice time for
ride, sir
"Ah-get away; Tm-er-not used to
that-ah-sort of mount, my man." was
the lofty reply.
Much to the Johnnie's and his fair COM
panion's amusement, the jackass owner
instantly retorted:
Il was afeeard so, mister but never
mind, my mattel fix yer up. e owns the
'obby-'osses Go boy) Ere, Jimmy,
show Tod Sloan to Bill Beresfords mer-
go-round !''-London Answers.
Asking Too Much.-American Girl
And if | marry you, will live in an Old
English castle, with turrets and battle
ments famed in song and story? Eng
lish Lord-..Yes, you SHALL American
Girl-"And will you Introduce me to the
Prince of Wales set?' English Lord
''Um-er-not until begin to get tired OF
you."-New York Weekly.
a story is told of the late Chief Justice
Cockburn. He was once counsel for the
plaintiff in a certain case, and Mr. b.
was for the defendant. Cockburn called
a witness and proceeded to examine HIM.
i understand that you called ON the
plailtili, Mr.. Jones Is that so?' Yes
replied the rlan. What did he say
demanded Cockburn. Mr.. B. promptly
rose and objected. The conversation
could not be admitted as evidence. But
Cockburn persisted, and Mr.. 3. appealed
to the judge, who thereupon retired to
consider the point. They were absent
for nearly half an hour. When they re-
turned thcy announced that Mr.. Cock
burn might put his question. "Well.
what did he say?' asked counsel.
'.Please, sir, he wasn't at home" replied
the witness, without moving a muscle.
A Georgia negro, who has already
thought of Christmas, has written as fol-