Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-06-29
lil|EIllla

1850
of the room.-Boston Globe.
Teacher-what 10 a buttress? Flossy
"A buttress is female butter-maker.
Judge.
The Cuban insurgents have raised
Hades long enough: now let them raise
eane.--Chicago Times-Herald.
she--"You say you met your friend
seidentalIyY He-"Yes; fell In with
him while skating. States
man.
Conundrum by the Cheerful Idiot:
O.--"What Is worse than raining cats
and dogsY" A.--"Hailing cabs and
buses. Punch: - - a
Mother drilling Teddy for his first
party)-And now, darling, what Is
greedy boy? Teddy-A boy who wants
everything want.
"What kind of O tree Is the hardest
to climbT asked the teacher. "One that
hain't got no limbs" little Albert re-
plied.-Chicago News
eve didn't have time to stop, SO we
bought lunch and ate it as we drove
along" "Ah, see--you dined la
cart. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Shelf capital punishment must
be- certainly favor electricity" He
"Oh! That is to say, you prefer cur
rents to raisin's. Harlem Life.
Mrs. McBride-"Harry, / was beside
myself at the condition you came home
in last night" Harry-"Yes; 1t seems
to me did see two Of you."-Judge.
Little Willie-"Pa, why do they call
them minor poets'Y Pa-"Because
they ought to be working with the
pick and shovel, my son."-Tit-Bits.
Here's benevolent assimilation for
you," as the milkman remarked, when
he showed the can under the spout Of
the pump.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mortified old lady-Oh, kind sir, think
Of your mother! Think of your mother!
Burglar (sternly)-No use, lady; was
brought up in an Observation-Disclosures.
Caller-Excuse me, can l speak to
your typewriter moment? City man
You can't; she's engaged. Caller
That's all right; I'm the fellow.-Illus-
trated Bits.
His sweetheart-I have always heard
that all Spaniards were expert at fenc-
ing. Returned volunteer-Yes, indeed
they are; especially with barbed wire.
Brooklyn Life.
Tom-Why were you so determined
to kiss that homely cousin of yours?
Dick-I wanted to establish prece-
dent. She has two very pretty sisters.
you know.-Judge.
Little Mike Tin the midst of his read
ing)-Feyther, how d'yez pronounce
Il-o-i-l-o? NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. ut?
Begorra! did yez niver hear tur-r-r-
key gobble ?-Puck.
First tourist-That Indian seems to
have an awful load on. Second tourist
Yes. He has evidently followed Kip
ling's advice, and taken up the white
mans burden.-Life.
"Have you ever read the article on
how to tell a bad egg?" "No, l haven't;
but my advice would be, If you have
anything important to tell bad egg,
why, break it gently. "-Tit-Bits.
Dombey-How did you get that scar
on your forehead, Jones? Jones-Oh.
my wife and / had an argument, and
she obeyed that mean old. adage-
strike while the iron is hot.-Judge.
Tom-"I don't know whether she
sings or not" Jack-"She doesn't. I
heard her."
She-"You are a conundrum." He
'.But hope you haven't given me up
yet."-Town Topics.
Hello, Swardie! haven't met you
since you came to the city and set up
for a doctor. How are you getting
along? Are you making your mark!"
"Er-yes. I'm doing considerable vac
cinating. "-Chicago Tribune.
How can you scold all the timer
was asked of the woman with five step
children and an indolent husband. II
can't just explain 1t, but knows that
endurance"
"A pun" remarked the pedant. 'is
merely a play on words" Yes" an
swered the frivolous person. "They
call 1t a play; but, as a rule, 1t seems
more like arduous and unnecessary
work. "-Washington Star.
The dear girl had been batting him
again. "Do you believe in love AZ first
sight?' she asked. "Of course" an
swered the savage bachelor. "Do you
suppose, IL a man had the gift Of sec
ond sight he would fall in loveY'
II heard We were on shtrike," said
Mike to his friend Pat. II was that"
answered Pat. "A shtrike for what
Pat?" "For shorter hours, Mike"
AN did We get them?" Sure we did.
Mike. It's not workin' at all am
now"
Look here" said young lieutenant.
"this uniform you have made for me is
entirely too larger That's all right"
explained the tailor, when you get II
on you'll feel so big that it will be a
perfect it."-Philadelphia North Amer
lean.
Farmer with wife and two children,
How much fer tickets fer the young
uns? Railway ACKNOWLEDGMENT
FIVE and twelve, half-fare. Farmer
Gosh darn It! Mandy, wen hev tew
u,ott tilI tar,,,orrar. ft,s ho tx,-olx-o