Mesa free press., 1899-06-09


that's strong enough. Free Press.
Hojack-Why are you consulting the
dictionary? l thought you knew low
to spell. Tomdik-I do. l am not look
Ing for information, but for corrobora-
tion.-Judge.
Knicker-When l was alone with
Miss Smith in the parlor l proposed. l
told her she was the light of my life
Bocker-And She Knicker-Oh, she
went out.-Judge.
Mrs. Newlyrich Kelly-Hav yez ever
read Burns, Mrs. Grogan? Mrs. Stillpoor
Grogan-Faith, and phat color would
burns be If they wasn't red, Mrs.
Kelly?-Harper's Weekly.
Hospital Nurse Ito mangled victim of
accident)-I understand that the der
rick fell ten stories to the pavement.
Mangled Victim (weakly)-I was under
that REPRESENTATION.
Bishop Gullem-Yes, indeed; I am
happy to say our missionary work In
the Philippines has been most success
full. We recently made angels Of two
thousand Of them in single day
Life.
| Old Farmer-That's a fine lot of pigs
over there. What do you feed them
Amateur-Why, corn, Of course. Old
Farmer-In the ear? Amateur-Cer-
tainly not; in the mouth.-Chicago
News.
'Have you an agreeable boarding
hOuse?' "Yes, we have; every morn-
ing we have a cake-walk." "Cake-walk
What's that?" "Why, the first man at
the table gets the hot ones."-Detroit
Free Press.
Friend-You told me you had joined
the Audubon Society; yet your new hat
Is trimmed almost entirely with birds
and birds plumage. The wearer Of the
hat-Yes, but you see these birds were
all killed before joined the society.
Teacher-John, of what are your
shoes made? Boy-Of leather. sir.
Teacher-Where does leather come
from? Boy-From the hide of the OK.
Teacher-What animal, then, supplies
you with shoes and gives you meat to
eat? Boy-My father.
Seems to me I've seen your face be-
FORE" said the judge, peering through
his spectacles. Eyes, your honor, you
have" replied the prisoner; II am the
professor who gives the young lady
next door to you lessons on the piano"
"Six years. came from the judge,
quickly.
Mrs. Greenleaf-Those people next
door must be from the West. Mr..
Greenleaf-Why, Priscilla Mrs. Green
leaf-When our chimney burned out
this morning the woman had the auda-
city to come and tell me that the house
was on fire, without waiting to be in
troduced.-Chicago News.
Dude Ito barber)-How much do I
owe you? Barber-The same as you
usually pay, sir? Dude-I don't take
the trouble to remember what you have
charged! How much is 1t? Barber
Twenty cents. Dude-Oh. but you
have charged me only Is cents before!
-Humoristische Blaetter.
The Cook (entering parlor) All,
NAM ellie, wud We moind askin' the pro-
fessor to play the hornpipe over again?
The Professor (dehghtedly)-Ah! Re Ia
dies admire vaire mooch my composee-
ton? The Cook-It's not that, begorra,
but it's such an Elegant chune to chop
hash byLNew York Journal.
ho
ken? Williken-Matter enough. You
know, some time ago l assigned all my
property to my wife, toto keep it out
Of the hands of-of people l owe, you
know. EYES," ''Well, she's taken the
money and gone off-says she won't live
with me because swindled my credit
ors."-New York Weekly.
Sunday-school Teacher (wishing to
show how easily George Washington
might have falsified)-Now, children
little George didn't know but that he'd
be severely whipped by confessing that
he had chopped down the cherry-tree.
What might he have done in order to
keep peace with his father? Patsy
Buried the Ratchet, mum.-Judge.
Nephew-You say that when you
first got married you started out to
keep an account Of all your living ex-
penses. How long did you keep it up?
Uncle Jedediah-Jest one year, Harold.
The dinged thing counted up so high
that If I'd kept the account another
year 1 wouldn't have had a red cent
left.-Judge.
At last, after many dangers, she had
braved the terrors of the Chilcoot Pass
and had rejoined her lover on the Klon-
dixie. "Are you glad to see meT she
asked. do you still think l am worth
my weight in gold?' Sin gold" he
cried contemptuously, as he folded her
to his frozen bosom. "My darling, you
are worth your weight in food.'-Tit-
Bits.
landlords everything all right
about the place? Tenant-Yes; every
thing seems to be in pretty good condi-
ton. andlord-Furnace and water
o. X? Tenant-Yes, as far as know.