Mesa free press., 1899-07-21
My face is my fortune. 3

showing them how to have some aim in
life, of course. "-Philadelphia Bulletin
Tommy-Grandpa, are kings and
queens always good? Grandpa-Not
always, my boy; not when there are
aces out against them.-Brooklyn Life.
Mrs. Gotham-So your marriage was
failure? Mrs Lakeside but I'm
the preferred creditor-all my hus-
bands property Is in my name.-Town
Topics.
Primus-Dynamite is the most won
derful invention of the age. Secundus
Why? Primus-There's nothing in
the world can hold candle to it.-Yale
Record.
Mrs. Styles-Do you read much f1c-
ton? Mrs. Myles-Well. yes; get a
letter nearly every day from my hus-
band when he's on the road.-Yonkers
Statesman.
He-Be mine, darling. You are the
lamp that alone can light my existence.
She-Yes, dear; but papa doesn't think
you are good match for me.-Jewel-
ers' Weekly.
Facetious Cent can tell from your
looks that you believe in spiritualism.
Am I right? Solemn Waiter-Well, I
do have some faith in table tipping.'-
indianapolis Journal.
First Negro-I hea Sam Yallerby
has eloped wifi white mans wife.
Second Negro-Yais; de patriotic cuss
has took up de white mans burden
as Kipling says.-Judge.
Won Blumer-I am afraid we haven't
much for dinner, but such as it is
Clinker-Don't make any excuses, old
man. Remember that have dined at
your house before.-Detroit Free
Press.
Mrs. Henpeck Visiting her first hus-
bands grave)-Yes; here lies a hero.
You would not be my husband to-day
had he not been killed in the war. Mr..
Henpeck (fercely)-Yes; what a curse
war is.--Tit-Bits.
One Sort.-"You sold this dog to me
for bird-dog. He doesn't know a
bird when he sees one. took him out
yesterday and he wouldn't look at a
bird" "Well, how was the bird cook
edY-Brooklyn Life.
Teacher Ito new scholar)-What Is
your nameY New Boy-My name is
julie, sir. Teacher-You should have
said Julius, sir. And now, my lad"
turning to another lad, what Is your
name? Bilious, sir."-Tit-Bit
"Isn't San Tomas an English town."
asked Van Braam "Of course not"
replied Dinwiddie. "It's Philippine
town. What made you ask if it were
English" II noticed that the 81 had
been dropped. "-Pittsburg Chronicle
Telegraph.
/ He-Oh, by the way, the doctor adj
vised me to eat water cracker before
going TO bed said it would prevent my
insomnia. Are there any in the house?
She-The only thing in the house ap-
preaching a water cracker Is the Ice
pick.-Indianapolis Journal.
Those Americans don't know how to
run war;" said the Filipino, in dis
gust. whats the trouble?' 'They
Insist on whipping us all at once, when
they might rs well have the glory of
winning battles for the next five years.
1t isn't economy"-Washington STAR
Brother John--And so the baby Is
four days old, is it? Pears like it's a
pretty bright little thing for it's age.
Sister Mary pityingly)-Bright! That's
not the word; it's wonder. Why the
little precious breathes as natural and
regular as an adult fifty years Old
Judge.
whats tho use Of keeping on asking
all these questions, when the witness
insists on saying, I don't know?"
perhaps there isn't q great deal OF
use," answered the investigator. "But
1t is something of luxury to find
man in this town who is willing to adj
NIT there Is anything he doesn't know"
Washington Star.
Mr.. Meeker stepped out into the
kitchen a moment to speak word to
inc new girl. tCICu1J AC SdlO' WhSA
you bring the turkey to the table place
1t before Mrs. Meeker. She will tell
you to take it to me, and you can do
so. This will start things right and
you'll get along with Mrs. Meeker with
out any trouble Chicago Tribune.
"Therc is a cat sits every night on
our back fence" he explained to the
lawyer, land he yowls, and yowls. and
yowls. Now, L don't want to get into
any trouble with my nclghbor, but
would Ike to know if l am not justi-
fed in putting stop to IT." Certain
ly," replied the lawyer. II am We'll
within my rights If l shoot the cat,
then?' he inquired, gleef lilly. "Um,
we'll, l would hardly say that" an
swered the lawyer: ''the cat does not
belong to you, as l understand it?'
'No." "AnG the fence doesY eyes"
"Well, then, l think l may safely say
that you have "a perfect right to tear
down the fence."-Chicago Post.
Grocer Ito shopnan)-Peter, I owe