Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1899-08-31
OUTSIDE POINT OF VIEW
Written for the Times Republican.


Mr.. Pessimist has grievance. It's q
baby. Not his, Oh, no! but q neighbours
1t seems one of his old friends has q
married daughter and it is her baby
that Is the cause of It, still this Ii not
a fair statement. The baby Is not the
offender, In fact Pessimist admits that
as babies go. "he is d pretty good little
chap" What the old gentleman. COM
plains of Is the hypnotic effect the
baby has exercised on the whole family,
where he has been accustomed to drop
in with all the privileges OF old ac-
quaintance. Naturally he could not say
anything derogatory to the two months
old baby. He knew II he said anything
to the father, implying his son and heir
was short Of perfection, the hospitable
door would never open again. To init
mate to the mother that other babies
just as wonderful lived in the next
ward would probably result in assault
and battery. And when 1t came to saying
anything in a general sort Of way,
against babies as q class, there were
grandma and grandpa to deal with. So
he came over to our regular whist club
meeting, not too full for utterance, but
boiling over.
Mrs. Birdseye," he remarked, II have
had occasion before to remark on the
amount OF good sense you possess.
am glad, Madam, you're not grand
mother. For If ever woman has gone
daft 1t is your neighbor, Mrs. Honey
dew. You knew that Sue Honeydew
married Alex Frost two years ago. You
know they board with the old folks, and
you know there's baby now in that
house. Well. have visited there
for years-best kind of people,
or were till that baby ar
rived. But I'm through going
makes an appearance. OF course 1
didn't call 'till the young chap was a
couple of months old, and then dropped
in as usual. 1t was nice place for an
old bachelor. They had removed every
thing from the supper table. and sitting
on 1t, held up by pillows, was young
Frost, age 10 weeks. Around the table
in various attitudes OF worship was old
Honeydew, talking the darndest kind of
nonsensical baby talk. Mrs. Honeydew
was pounding the sugar bowl. and ex-
claiming, see the little dear, he act
ually sees his grandma Young Frost,
with an unconscious air OF being the
father of grown up family, was
gravely discussing the effect Of allowing
his son and heir to sit up so long, while
little Sue, the proud mother (she was a
little girl in short dresses only n few
days ago), was cautioning the hired girl
not to open the door for fear her
'sweety-ity-tooty' would swallow wind
and have the 'stummy achy.' And that
young tyrant wlnked to me and plainly
said In a baby sentence. which alone
understood, I've got 'em; they are all
hypnotized. They haven't even offered
to take your hat and cane, much less
to offer you chair. I'm the autocrat
of the supper table. Bow down and
Worship me IL you expect to continue on
a friendly basis with this family
Grandma has forgotten all she ever
knew about raising children. / have
put her to sleep, 80 that IL even kick
on going to bed at 10 o'clock she viii
walk the floor with me. Grandpa urges
me to play with his stop watch. ant
when whacked 1t against the bed
stead said was getting there Pa
tries to make believe / don't amount t.
much and won't look at me II anybody
! is around, but just the same, when WI
are alone he promises to buy me al
automobile as soon as l am old enoug h
And when 1t comes to ma. just run
her. II have bad dreams and men
ton 1t she swears off on eating any
thing sweet or sour. on vegetables
meat or bread, on pies and cakes and
won't drink coffee. tea. milk. cocoa o.
water And If had you living in thi.
house 1 would mesmerize you, too
You'd like to hold me now, If you d,
pretend to have 1t in for babies And
then the young idiot grinned at mt
and
I'VE have long needed a writer O
nursery tales" said the silent partner
T'.Pessimist, drop everything and g,
Into baby literature. Get at it at once
while you are under the mesmeric
hypnotic influence of Frosts baby
And somehow the old gentleman dit
not even resent the remark.
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