Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1899-01-19

i N.-~~-
| ing very sentimentally about sick peo
! pie and death and other cheerful
themes.
"Ah, WE'LL" he said. I've been doc
| tor 40 years. ! have seen many sa'
scenes, but l never stood at death
bed without mourning for the living.
II have seen some laughable things
too" said the doctor. Human natur,
comes out when people are very sick
l was called in once to attend lad,
who was taken suddenly i'll and wa!
quite sure she was going to die. There
was nothing very serious the matter
with her, but she was quite sure hel
end was near.
" Doctor, she said, ! know ! am GO
ing to die. Don't tell my husband. but
let me ask you one favor before l go
What is it,? / asked.
Whisper, doctor. Ask Mary to fix
my bangs before they bury me. +"
There is a new and prosperous class
of legal actors who find their avocatiol
both lucrative and pleasant The fol-
lowing story from metropolitan ex-
change, in which the proper names are
for obvious reasons suppressed, Illus
trates the special business of the new
class OF legal practitioners better than
any detailed description:
Mr.. McGlue, suppose?" said a
robust looking man. with big mouth.
walking into the office of that well
known merchant the other morning.
You'll have to excuse me just now"
said the business man, swapping his
watch, I've got am important case to
attend to in court this morning."
Exactly" said the stranger. Il no.
ticed it on the calendar, So l called.
Don't you want TO engage me?"
Are you Il lawyer
Ia lawyer? No-I'm not exactly
what you'd call a lawyer. l am a legal
cachinnator.
"A what?'
Why, a professional Laughter. l
laugh at all the jokes of my clients
lawyer: don't you see? Exasperates
the other side. Grapple with the idea,
don't you?"
Cant say that / Go exactly
We'll. I'll explain. You see there is
nothing SO effective in trial by jury
as ridicule, satire and SO on. Now. it
is also a singular fact that 80 out of 100
jurymen never see the point Of joke,
no matter how plain it is; but they are
always ready to join any one who
starts a laugh-just like a flock of
sheep
Are they?"
Yes: experience has proved that the
large majority of mankind need to be
told when to laugh. They have to be set
in notion SO to speak, like row Of
bricks
Yes, but
But what has that to do with your
case. Ell? I'll tell you. You see, l sit
in court where the jury cam see me
easily. and whenever your counsel
cracks a joke and says something
funny | laugh like an end man of
minstrel show and pound the floor with
a big stick. OF course the jury joins
in, and the other side becomes perfectly
furious"
Makes 'em savage. eh?..' said the
merchant.
1t does And the savager the law
yer gets the more the jury and specta-
tors are impressed in your favor. Why,
in Skeggs against Skinderly, last week.
l actually laughed the plaintiff clear
out of court
You did, eh?'
Yes, sir. You see, when the opposition
counsel tries 10 be funny in turn l
scrape my feet on the floor. cough. drop
m. stick and look as solemn as an I'M
dertaher. l throw that in, though.
without extra charge
That's kind of YOU
Don't mention it. Now just retain
me in yovr case and I'll do more good
than all the higlh-rriced lawyers in the
country. | shan't cost you much. III
also put on a couple of boys-appren-
tjces of mime. They're not very re-
liable vet; but when we work together
we're a team, l tell you. One of 'em is
particularly promising; has a mouth
almost as big as doorway, and can
break an ordinary window glass-not
plate glass, you know-at six feet dis
lance, by laughing at it, five times out
of six. Nearly shook down the gallery
while doing the 'deafening applause
ana uncomfortable merriment' at
political meeting the other night. and
.'I'n-ahem! III think Of it. Yes.
think, perhaps, you'd betted drop in
again this afternoon" said the mer-
chant, thoughtfully.