The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-20
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fiared up one day and went out!'- BaZar.
 "Was the banquet a success?" 'T guess so; the men all wore each others overcoats off as souvenirs. ."-DetrOit Free Press.
 "That dull Miss Wiggs doesn't seem to have a particle of imagination" ''Yes, she has; she thinks she can sing" Chicago Record.
 Anna-"They say have my mothers mouth and nose." Hannah-"Well, your mother was lucky to get rid of them."- Yonkers Statesman.
 Proud Mother-"Oh, John, the baby can waIkp' Cruel Father-"Good. He can walk the floor with himself at night then."-Tit-B Bits.
 "Wife, what a lot of grammatical er- TOTS you make" What of it? Aren't they as good as those your mother used to make eP'-Chicago Record.
 Miss Vassar-What is the reason ;his orangeade tastes so watery? Polite at- tendant-Because we make it out of naval oranges, miss.-Judge.
 Dentist-I see that I shall have to kill the nerve. Patient-For heavens sake, don't. It would ruin me in business. Pm life insurance agent.-Tid-Bit
 Mrs. G.-"Why, you screamed the minute the dentist touched your tooth. I thought you said you had so much nerve" Mir. CT did, hang it! That's what hurt."-Philade delphia Bulletin.
 Browne-"There Is DO time in life when woman doesn't get in more talk than man." Towne-"Oh, yes there is." Browne-"Pd like to know when." Towne-"During the marriage cere- mODy."
 Are you much rushed now, FOozer" Rushed? If I were to die to night my employer would expect me to come down town tomorrow, ard work until the hour set for the funeral. ."-Cleve- land Record.
 Tommy-What's an heirloom, auntie? His Old Maid Aunt-Oh, that's jewel or something that's been in the family years and years. Tommy-Auntie, Is your engagement ring an heirloom?- Jewellers Weekly.
 Sunday School Teacher-There Is but one thing in the world, children, that we can put our faith and reliance in confidently. Do any of you know what Is is? Georgie Babibruther-Yes'm; safety -pins.-Judge.
 A Natural Deduction: Hixon-Are you engaged in the same business you were last year? DiXOn-Yes. and at the old stand still. HiXon-At the old stand still! Why don't you advertise and stir things up little?-Chicago News.
 The World Against Him: Despond- ent Tremlow mournfully)-Well by gosh! This is the irony of fate for keeps. Here I've spent me last 90 cents ter commit suicide with gas, an git room with 'lectric lights.-Judge.
 Disgusted: What makes you think you were defeated by fraud" "I paid for 163 votes in the second precinct, and the books show that got total of only 155 there Our election system Is simply rotten. "-Cleveland Leader.
 He felt that she had encouraged him, and when she refused him he indig- nantly inquired if she didn't think she had played him a very mean trick. Not at all," she answered cheerily; "only little slight-of-ha and."-DetrOit Free Press.
 ''If you do not marry me I shall hang myself" exclaimed a love-lorn young man. "Well, if you do, please go little way down the street." was the young lady's cheerful response, flor 1 heard papa say he didn't want you hanging about here. ."-Tid- Bits.
 "Father," confessed the callow youth, 'T have married her; we are two souls with but a single thought" "Well, you've gained something. A single thought isn't so many, but 1t is one more than I ever knew you to have be- fore" ."-Detroit Free Press.
 Minnie" said a mother to her naughty three year-old daughter, ''what is the reason you and little brother Harry can't get along without quarrel ing?" "T don't know," was the reply, unless it's because I take after you and Harry takes after papa"
 Magazine Editor Coming in in the morning, to office boy)-Anyone wait ing? Office Boy-Yes, sir; four admirals in your office, and six brigadier gener- als in MT. Burjoice's room, and some more military gentlemen outside, sir. kept 'em separate, as you said, sir.- Life.
 Peddler-"Wouldn't you like some notices for your house, mum? It's very cheering to husband to see nice motto on the wall when he comes home" Mrs. Dagg-"YOu might sell me one if you've got one that says, Better late than never.' '"-New York Weekly.
 At a school inspection some of the boys found difficulty in the correct placing of the letters "i" and "e" in such words as believe" receive" etc., when the inspector said, blandly: My boys, I will give you an infallible rule, one I invariably use myself" The pupils were all attention, and even the master pricked up his ears. The in spector continued: Ut is simply this: Write the f' and e exactly alike and put the dot in the middle over them"
 He Had Not Missed It.
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