The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1899-08-02
MAKING AN APOLOGY.
HERE'S A MAN WHO SAYS SUCH A
THING is A BIG MISTAKE.

II Oni. Makes Matters Worse. lie
Snys. md ADV ises That. No Matter
How Bad the Case Against You May
BE. 60 Junt Boldly BiuH II out.
A friend OF mine who is n successful
business man and n very level headed
chap, and who is full to the brim with
philosophy, recently laid down a great
principle to me. 1t Is this: Never
apologize.
III he says, there is anything that
Is absolutely futile, it is apology In
stead os making the person 10 whom it
is rendered feel any better concerning
The oversight or piece Of il"ngh,lrss
ness on account OF which il i given.
the apology simply inicnSili"s l:, per.
ccption Of that oversight ami makes
him feel all the worse al,oui il. \ few
days ago took luncheon with a man
who said lie was feeling very badly.
lie hau borrowed. upon point of honor.
from Il dear friend, the only copy in
existence OF treasured historic manu-
script. lie had promised 10 return it
stra1ghtwny. 1t was the old story. a
servant. in quest OF paper to start a
kitchen fire, got hold OF the precious
old manuscript and burned It up. What
should my friend do?
II advised him, from some expert
encc In such things, to avoid making
any apologize say nothing whatever to
ills FRIEND about the matter ana, when
the subject should finally be raised, to
reign Indifference and almost surprise
concerning 1t. In this way the lender
would think 1t must be that he had not
made clear the necessity of returning
the manuscript or failed to indicate
sufficiently lis value.
Perhaps he would come TO think
himself that it was Of no value. At all
events. he could not get very angry
with "a man who appeared hardly to
realize that he had committed any Of
fcnsc whatever This advice. I believe,
! was sound
'My attention." lie goes on, was first
directed to the futility Of apology sew.
cral years ago. I was northern man
III southern city, new to southern
conditions and inexperienced in deal
ing with the colorcd brother One
afternoon Georgian friend urged me
TO go somewhere with him for several
hours. l replied that the one objection
to accepting was the fact that I had
asked my colorcd messenger to meet
me Mt n certain place at 1 o'clock and
to wait there until / came, in case 1
should be late. 1t would be pretty
hard to keep him waiting until in the
afternoon.
" Il will tell YOU replied my friend,
how that can be made all right When
you go around ut 4 O'clock, you aD-
proach him with the air Of perfect self
satisfaction. IL anything is said, give
him the notion that it Is just his bust
ness 10 wait three hours for YOU and
that you compelled it as Il matter Of
course. If TO the least degree you apol-
ogizc to him, YOU have ruined him as
messenger and spoiled him as citizen
He never will DO anything for you
again after an apology
IA further acquaintance with the
mysterious ways Of the colored brother
led me to believe that there was some
small amount OF wisdom in this ad-
vice or at least that it rested upon
some principles Of Ethiopian human
nature. I then began to wonder If the
same thing were not true of the white
man. believe it is.
IAN apology spoils everybody and in
jures the reputation Of the man MAX
ing it. Therefore my rule in life is to
| 90 somewhere nc::r as vel: as can
and then in contact with my fellow
man to assume that have done exact
ly right md to affect surprise aad :r-
difference In the extreme ut any sug-
gestion that things are ever otherwise.
'"The next time Lord Chesterfield
writes out his rules of conduct he
should append as one OF them, Never
apologize Do things meet for apology
as seldom as possible, but, having done
them. do not apologize for them. That
is self incrlm'nation, and 1t Is prin-
ciple Of old English common law that
no one should be obliged to testify
| against himself"
l commend this reasoning to all
thinking persons. hive myself apol-
ogized great many times, but l can
! not truly say that IN apology has ever
really helped my case with the person
who was offended. OF course it patch
ed the matter up. but did that do any
good? 1t is conceivable that giving an
| apology may be better than taking n
licking. but may not AS failure to
apologize to B. for slight or IN affront
be construed by 3. rs proof that A. is
confident that he can lick B., and con-
sequcntly no apology is needed and no
attempt at licking likely? These
things should be pondered carefully
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