West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1899-10-12
The History OF Damon and Pythia
Up.To-Date.

Pythias, which has been celebrated in
verse and song FOR over two thousand
years, is supposed to have originated
during the reign of Dionysius I. or
Dionysius the Elder, as he was also
called, who reigned about $50 years II.
c. pe must have been called The
Elder more for Joke than ANYTHING
else, as he was by inclination IA Unita.
rian. although he was never n member
of any church whatever, and was, in
fact, the wickedest man in all Syracuse.
Dionysius arose 10 the throne from
the ranks, aud used to call himself a
seif-made man. lie was tyraunical.
severe, and selfish, as all self-made
m( are. Self-made men are very
Almighty and oYcrwork themselves.
They are not satisfied with the posi-
tion OF division superintendent OF crea.
tion, but they want TO be most worthy
high grand muck-a.muck of the entire
ranch, or their lives are gloomy 6zzles
Damon and PYthias were named nf
ter a secret organization because they
were so solid on each other. They
thought more of one another than anv-
body. They borrowed chewing to-
bacco, and were always sociable and
pleasant. They slept together, and
unitedly stood off" the landladv from
month to month in the most harmo.
NOUS manner II PYthias suored in
the night like the blast OF fog horn.
Damon did not get mad and kick him
in the stomach as some would. lie
gently but firmly took him by the nose
and lifted him up and down to the
merry rythm of The Babies in our
Block"
They loved one another in season
and out of season. Their affection
was like the soft bloom on the nose of
Wyoming legislator. 1t never grew
pale or wilted. 1t was always there
II Damon was at the bat, Pythias was
on deck. II Damon went TO church
fair and invited starvation. Pythias
would go. too, and vote on the hand
soonest baby till the First National
Bank OF Syracuse would refuse TO
honor his checks.
But one day Damon got too much
bulge. and told the venerable and CO.
lossal old royal hummer OF Syracuse
what he thought OF him Then Diouy.
sIus told the chief engineer of the
sausage grinder to turn on steam and
prepare for business. But Damon
thought of Pythias and how Pvthins
hadn't go much to live for as he bad
and he maue IA compromise by Offering
to put Pythias IN soak while the only
genuine Damon went to see his girl
who lived at Albany. Three days
were given him to get around and re
deem Pythias, and if he failed his
friend would go TO protest
We will now suppose three days 20
have elapsed since the preceding. a
large party of enthusiastic citizens Of
Syracuse are gathered around the
grand stand, and Pythias is on the
platform cheerfully taking Oft his coat
Near By stands "a man with "a broad-ax.
The Syracuse silver cornet band had
just played ITS funny when you feel
that way" and the chaplain had made
long prayer, PYthias sliding trade
dollar into his hand and whispering TO
give him his moneys worth. The
Declaration OF Independence has been
read, and the man on the left is run
ming his thum playfully over the edge
Of his meat ak. Pythias takes of his
collar and tie, thinking reproachfully
20 himself at his miserable luck.
u is now the proper time TO throw i'm
the solitary horseman The horizontal
bars Of golden light from the setting
sun CLEAN and glitter from the dome
Of the Court House and bathe the green
plains OF Syracuse with mellow sp'en-
dor. The billowy piles Of fcecy bronze
in the eastern sky look soft and yield
ing, like a Sarah Bcrnhardt The low.
ing herd winds slowly DER the lea, and
solemn hush and stiffness Of the sur.
rounding and enRulsng horror.
The solitary horscman is seen coming
along the Albany and Syracuse toll
road. he jabs his Mexican spurs into
the foamy flank Of his noble plug, and
'N' ie"' " bliN VIII y I'D ~ NlDFth bilEO
the air is singing q merry song. Damon
has been delayed by road agents and
washouts, and he is little behind
time. Besides, he fooled little TOO
long and dallied in Albany with the
fair Razelle. But he 10 making UP
time now, and sails into the jail yard
just in time to take hrs part He and
Pythias fall into each others arms
borrow a chew OF 6ne-cut from each
other, and weep 10 slow music. Diony-
sius comes before tho curtain, bows.
and says the exercises Will be post-
poned. lie orders the band 90 play
something soothing gives Damon the
appointment of superintendent Of pub
Tic instruction, and Pythias the SYRIA
cuse postOflice, and everything il