The Indianapolis journal., 1899-12-25
WITH A LOCAL SETTING.

WITH A LOCAL SETTING.
A number of nighthawk newspaper men
played prank on the manager Of an all
night restaurant last summer, and the
story Of the affair Is worth relating. The
man, who was young for the Importance
he assumed, had house full of custom
ers. and, firing Of ''bossing'' the walters,
thought to create an impression on his
customers. He walked over to the tele-
phone with cigar between his teeth and
gave the bell brisk ring. Calling up the
Cold Storage Company. he ordered 1900
pounds of ice to be delivered Immediately,
and in an attempt to spur the icemen to
quicker service added that unless it
reached the restaurant within an hour or
two all the meat for that days dinner
would be spoiled. This last remark caused
the steady boarders to look askance at
each other and mentally resolve not to eat
the MONDAY meal in that restaurant The
train of thought prompted by the remarks
of the young man had its effect on the re-
porters present, for they looked at one
another and left their meal unfinished.
With bitter thoughts in their minds they
went out on the pavement and applied un-
complimentary names to the manager of
the food emporium. Finally an idea struck
one of them. 'I'll tell you fellows, he
said, "how we can get even with that
duck" and without any further explana-
ton he walked into the Bates House and
rang up the restaurant on the telephone.
rs this BIS restaurant" he asked.
"Yes, SIR" the important manager re-
"Wer, this is the Cold Storage Company
We can't agree to get the ice there as
soon as you want 1t because We haven't
any one to unload 1t, and. anyway, you fell
lows are too fresh ordering us around as
though you were the only customers we
had. You are too fresh, and don't know
whether we will deliver the ice at all or
not If B would put some man to
work instead of an idiot like you might
| try to accommodate him, but as long as
1 you are there we don't care much whether
we please him or not"
While this roast was being served the
| clerk was getting madder every minute
| and several times he tried to break in. but
| the chuckling reporter kept him out. Final
| ly. bursting with rage, he fairly yelled out:
III tell Mr.. B about this"
'Tell him, tell him." replied the reporter.
| 'Tf you don't like our ways buy your ice
| somewhere else. We don't care for your
| cheap trade, anyway"
'1ll order our ice from some one else,"
screamed the irate manager.
do ii, do it," replied the reporter with
| a chuckle as he hung up the receiver.
| Two hours later two Ice wagons backed
| up to the restaurant and began unloading,
/ and the explanation that followed con-
/ vinced the restaurateur that his night
/ manager had been either drunk or crazy
/ and told about having fights, which both
denied any knowledge Of.
|
| In one Of the justices courts the other
| day a negro was being tried for assault
| and battery. The case had been inclined
| to drag, and as there had been some trou-
4 hle m "a witnesses the illStice-
| by the time the parties were ready to pro-
/ ceed, was in a very unamiable frame of
mind, to say the least. At last witness
| who had been present when the assault
was made was called to the stand but as
] he was one of the smart kind very little
/ satisfaction could be obtained from him in
| the way Of evidence. Finally the justice
/ concluded that he would take hand, and
| with the intention of finding out the dimen-
| sions of the club which had been used by
| the defendant he got right down to the
/ point by asking the witness: How large
| was the stick you speak off,
| 81 don't recollect," said the witness.
Cant you approximate the size?" asked
| the justice.
"weIl. no; didn't measure it, said the
| BY this time the justice was boiling. but
| managed to control himself sufficiently to
/ continue the following examination: well.
| sir, was il as thick as my wrist?''
/ "Well. yes: somewhat larger. From my
/ recollection now 1 should judge it to have
been about as thick as your head"
The justice collapsed. and jocular ex-
| preston seemed to play upon the features
| of the audience. the size of the stick having
been fairly approxfmated.
::
A rather good story is being told on one
of the monument dealers of the city who Is
| quite hustler for business, and who has
| made his rivals vince many a time by his
| ability in placing orders for his wares. To
be able to make these many sales it is nee
essary that he shall be posted as to all the
deaths that may occur, and the better to do
| this he has subscribed for number of
| county papers, for in them he finds the
records OF all the deaths that occur in the
county in which the paper is printed
| CHANGING one day to see that a certain
| old gentleman had lost his wife, he imme-
diately proceeded to pay him visit. and
| forthwith began to apply to him those lit
tie attentions which had always brought
the desired order. The old gentleman was
| in the field plowing when Mr.. a arrived.
so he went out and began following him
| around the burrows exclaiming from time
to time on the beauty OF the weather, and
| how propitious IL was for fine crops: and
| then. in his inimitable manner. he broached
the subject of the old gentleman'S loss, to
| which the latter made no reply. AS he be-
| came more emboldened he said: MIR. Y,
would like very much TO take your order
4
mo-" fairly snorted the old man. Let
the miserable skunk that run away with
her pay for it, I'll be gol darned if L am
| goin' to-.
| :: =
| n woman and her daughter went into a
cigar store. They asked to look at pipes
| The clerk did not ask what kind. but
drew from the case three or four expensive
pipes. One of them was particularly at
| tractive. and the women looked at 1t for
| fully five minutes Then they asked the
| price. a look of genuine disappointment
passed over their faces as they heard the
| figure They picked up another and looked
| at IL for several minutes, passing remarks
| relative to John and his probable appreci-
alton of such gift. They asked the price
and once more. when IL was given, that
same look of disappointment was seen by
a bystander. yet was apparently unnoticed
by the clerk. Other pipes were examined
and fingered with an air OF hesitancy. They
started to go out. The clerk had spent
about twenty minutes with them, and
wished 10 make a sale. I'VE have more
pipes: perhaps" said he. "Oh, never
| mind. he's Quit smoking" was the renIv