Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1899-02-24
ooNGLoMERATE SYMPOSIUM.

"A ACuiCdi 1OulHdl says (udt paper
can be. used effectively for keeping a
person nwarm: We could write three
line item here that would keep several
people not for a long time. Cimmaron
Jacksonian.
And we could also write two line
item that would make the cold chills
run down the back of several promi-
nent citizens and church members,
An exchange tells this one: s'A story
is told on an old bachelor who bought
a pair of socks and found attached to
one of them paper with these words:
81 am young lady of twenty. and
| would like to correspond with a bache-
lor with view to matrimony." Name
| and address were given. The bache-
lor wrote, and in a few days got this
letter: ''Mama was married twenty
years ago. The merchant you bought
those socks of evidently did not adver-
| tise, or he would have sold them years
ago. Mama handed me your letter and
said possibly might suit you. am
eighteen years DID,"
Just think, if that merchant had been
live, wideawake advertiser the bache-
lor would have been induced to buy a
pair of socks twenty years before he
did, and could have been the father of
this bright young lady of eighteen.
You fellows who don't advertise have a
whole lot of sins that will be laid at
your door.
A curiosity is on exhibition at the
Robinson postoffice the like of which
few persons have seen "a rabbits horn.
This IS no fake, but true specimen.
The rabbit from which this was taken
was killed by George w. Terrell, a
former resident of Robinson and now
living in Jewell county, Kansas, where
the rabbit was killed. 1t is substance
about three inches long, growing high
up on the animals heed between the
ears. While not considered a rarity
in that section, the species is by no
means common. and Breeze.
Kill off the rabbits, boys. Don't let
this dangerous animal become more
numerous. Just imagine what terrible
havoc could be created if all the jack
rabbits in this county should take to
wearing horns ID the middle of their
heads, and should make a concerted
charge bayonets. at full speed, upon
the defenseless husbandman.
d. Recently down east an old maid aged
81 got married; we forgot her naRee.
also the name of the husband, but any
old husband will do. In due course of
time she gave birth to healthy child,
and the event has paralyzed science.
Scientists cannot explain the phenome-
non. But she can. To what does she
attribute her aged maternity, guess?-
To the fact that she is a vegetarian
Norton Champion.
Now,If Ed. w. Moses, c. Samuels.
or Frank Strothrrlan should read this
item and govern themselves according
ly, we will doubtless have the butchers
all down on US; although the grocers
and vegetable gardeners will give US the
encouragement of their appreciation.
poker players in this legislature than in
any previous one that has ever con-
vened in Topeka, although some of the
former ones have been we'll up in this
line-Newton Daily Kansan.
Yes, Kansa as last year concluded to
send poker players down to Topeka
again, as in the 81 900 majority days.
Poker players can be approached much
easier by the grafters than could the
horny handed pops. Our people seem
to want good poker playing more than
they want good laws-and they are
getting it.
An eastern exchange says: The
worst thing about bloomers is that
after seeing them a man can never for
get that woman has two legs"
This leads the Arkansas City Traders
Exchange to moralize thusly: "Now
this is a new thought. We don't know
that our attention was ever called to
the subject before, and it is quite prob
able thatprior to the advent of bloom
ers men were deluded and supposed a
woman could hobble around on one
foot. +"
The Philippine problem is grave
Question. G. o. P. Exchange.
Yes, a sort of question of graves; a
question of how many of the half-civi-
lized natives of the islands the United
States troops will put into their graves
before we can make 'em be good,
BY taking whisper and putting two
suspicious on it for legs, a pair of opin-