Mesa free press., 1899-09-08

JdCkSOu- Is TIE IuIulSteE Oh your
church going to take vacation this
summerY' Wilson-I hope so."-
Ohio State Journal.
Arthur, our physician wants to send
me to summer resort for four weeks"
Husband-"Well, can't blame him."
-Fliegende Blatter.
Father-"That young man you're en-.
gagged to is a bad egg" Daughter
That's the reason I'm afraid to drop
him. Town Topics.
"My doctor says I ought to leadCan
active life." "Well, say, marry my
wife's sister; she'll keep you on the
jump."-Chicago Record.
"Old Brown won't live long; he has
one leg in the CRATE" "You mean one
leg in the grave" "No, he's going to
be cremated." Pick -Me-Up. E
"What ANIMAL" asked Edith, "al-
ways has comb, but never combs it's
hair" "a bee," guessed Davie.
''No-o-o-o; er."-Judge.
Prominent Society Woman Ito popu-
la1 lecturer)-"Don't you get tired Of
saying the same thing over and over
againY Eyes; don't Y-Life.
Agnostic-"But you yourself work
on Sundayv' Clergyman-"No; preach.
ing isn't work. It's writing the SER
mon that's work. Detroit Journal
Jones-"Are you going to pay me that
account?" Smith-"Not just yet"
Jones-"If you don't, I'll tell all your
other creditors that you paid mev'-
Stray Stories.
''She's going on the stage" ''Dear
mel" ''Yes-up in the White Mountain
district. You see, the railroad does
not go quite to her destination."-Ch
cago Evening Post.
Those dear girls again: First Fair
One-"I wouldn't be seen at the New
rich ball." Second Fair One-"Oh,
you're not SO insignificant as that
dear" Brooklyn Life.
Mr.. Newlywed-"You want my rea-
sons for getting home so late last
night?" Mrs. Newleywed-"Oh, no!
That would be expecting too much. J
want your excuse."-Puck.
Judge Ito a man up for having five
wiyes)-"How could you be so hard
ened a villainY The Prisoner
please, your honor, was only trying
to get good one."-Tit-Bits.
Little Clarence-''The funny-bone is
In the elbow, isn't it, pa?" Mr.. Cal
ipers-"Yes, my son." Little Clar-
ence-''Well, pa, is that what makes
people laugh in their sleeves ?'-Puck.
One thing lacking: Ethei'How
harmonious the color Of everything in
this church isl" Margaret-"Yes, ex-
cepting the sexton. Why doesn't he
wear stained glasses ?''-Harlem Life.
Mrs. Styles-"Pd have you under
stand that know good many worse
men than my husband" Mrs. Myles-
"My dear, you must be more particu-
lar about picking your acquaintances."
Marriage is so often failure" said
Miss Caustique, 'that 1 don't blame
women bit for being old maids"
Blame themY said the crusty bach
elor. "Of course not 1t isn't their
fault."-Kansas City Star.
Hetty-"What's the matter, Carrie?
You don't seem to be pleased with your
bathing suit" Carrie mo, am not"
Hetty-"Oh, I wouldn't fuss. 1t will
shrink, perhaps, after one or two wet
tings." Boston Transcript.
Spacer-'I believe that if Shakespeare
were alive at the present time, and try
Ing to live by his pen in London, the
comic papers would reject many Of his
best Jokes" Humorist-"I know it. L
have tried 'em all"-Tit-Bits
"Why do you hate him so?" when
we were young men we loved the same
girl" "Oh! Did he win her from you
by any unfair means?" "No. He went
away and left her no choice but me-
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
Mrs. Lushley-"Oh, you needn't try
to conceal your condition; you're hold
Ing the paper upside down." Mr..
Lushley-'I know't, m'dear-did it on
purposh-someshing here no deshent
man oughter read" Brooklyn Life.
Mather clearing Ethel say her pray
ers)-"And let us all live to good old
age" Ethel-"Tn not pray for
aunty to live to a old oge." Mother
stounded)-"Why?" Ethel Cause
she's ashamed of her age ow."-Puck.
"Why don't you get dinner?" he
asked. "You didn't marry cook" she
replied, simply. Time passes. 1t is
now the dead Of night, and muff1ed
footballs are heard. "Why don't you
90 and drive the burglars awayY
"You didn't marry a policeman" he
said.-Puck.