Kootenai County Republican. (Rathdrum, Idaho) 1899-1903, 1899-09-15
truth III IT. but knew 1t would please


Mark ye the spite. the cruelty OF hu-
man nature! l was happy knew
nothing about swine had believed all
that Jim said. l really thought that In
that pig had something rare and val
liable. But when the paper appeared the
townspeople came In. many that called
themselves my friends and told me the
truth-that the razorback Is degener-
ate scrub unworthy serious attention;
that he furnished but one thing for
human use. and that Is bristles, and
not many or Inem, uney pelng mostly
worn Off by the rapidity Of his fiight
through the air. Some OF them said.
too. that there was no such thing as
the American Razorbnck Swine asso-
c.ation. Fer weeks l inquired after
Jim from his neighbors. They said he
seemed to be going to the other town
altogether nowadays. We named the
big Simmons IN grateful remembrance.
Shall l ever forget the trouble that
simmoAs caused me? He lived under
the office. a. aim had said he would.
Mentally SimMons was bright. but he
was moral burden. Often when l
was writing, perhaps on the stability
of Our City's Growth" Simmons would
begin to scratch his back on the floor
joists and shake the whole building
lie pied galieys OF type In this way
Again. he would come around in front
and poke his head in the door and
snort at me defiantly and ungratefully
he had no means of knowing what |
was writing. and | thought 1t unknd
and malicious Of him. Sometimes IL
seemed as If he hated and despised me.
On other occasions it appeared as II
he would In his poor, dumb way call
me-brother. Once | went as n member
OF committee to the station to helm
welcome an eastern capitalist who was
coming with view of investing mon
ey In the place. Simmons followed
close behind, like dog, and pecred
around my legs at the visitor and
grunted scornfully. as who should say:
'Ha. old money bags! What are you?'
'You-er-hogs seem familiar" observ.
ed the man. The rest Of the committee
turned their backs on me. ITS the
EDITORS" explained the leader. Don't
mind either Of en-
1t was worth the price Of admission
to see Simmons root. Your ordinary
hog roots disconnectedly. with n push
In this direction and in that, a down
thrust and an uplift. with pauses as he
sniffs and explores for possible food
Otherwise Simmons He would insert
his snout In the ground and then walk
straight ahead. plowing a long furrow,
throwing the soil TO either side as the
bow Of a steamboat throws the water.
He was not looking for food-simply
taking constitutional But he could
root In one spot II the occasion de-
manded. The Baptist church stood on
four blocks of wood. after the man
ner Of the country. think Simmons
was Method!st-anyhow he was
strongly opposed to the Baptists. He
kept at their foundation until one
block toppled over aud that corner Of
the building went down n foot. the
diagonally opposite corner going up the
snne distance during evening service.
OF course The congregation slid down
In the lowest corner like the pieces In
a backgammon board heard Sim
mons back scrape on the floor as lie
came whisking home Then there fol- f
lowed a long series of satisfied grunts.
He had fixed those Baptists at last.
When we gave the eastern capitalist
reception In Bagley's hall. Simmons
planted himself four square In the
middle OF the street IN front and
squealed like 10000 unoiled wheelbar-
rows. He had reversible voice.
When he expelled the air. II produced
nerve destroying shrilling When he
inhaled II, you heard raucous rattle,
blood curdllng and fearsome The
moneyed man didn't stay Simmons
chased the train half way TO the next
station, speaking his mind freely He
had fixed the capitalist.
The bills which had to pay for
damage done by Simmons We're some
thing disquieting. 1t got so that II
any man in town needed n dollar he
would come to me and say Simmons
bad done something. aud | would give
him the money One day man came
In with a bin for an entire patch Of po-
tatoes uprooted by Simmons. | was
out Of funds. The man said he must
have something aud that quick. He
WAS angry and abusive told him
the only thing | could give him was a
load Of wood. He took 1t. II happen.
ed TO be the Parkinson wood. This
made more trouble. II was becoming
a serious problem what ! should do
with Simmons
Two days before the Fourth of July
Major Grigsby, a local nuisance. came
Into the office. The major was always
some sort Of an agent-book. apple
tree patent wash boiler or what not.
"Sah' said the major. ''as you have
announced in your valuable papah. we
are 10 have a grand celebration OF The
glorious Fourth IN this town. | have
been Lonored with an appointment on
the committee on sports and pastimes
of the I'op-u-lace. We have arranged
for n boss trot. sab. baseball game
sal. creased pole. sab. aud other
aHuscments. sab. such as II Is believ-