The Saint Paul globe., 1899-06-14
BAD MAN sMUGGLED BRANDY.
Put a Little Milk I'm the Bottles and
Labeled Them Stomach Bitters.

New Orleans Times-Democrat.
II have heard about the ghoulish, glee-
full malice of the fraternity of United
States customs inspectors said a sandy
whiskered man, as he watched the pass
ing stream OF people on Canal street. "I
have heard of the Species he said,. but
1 never had occasion to experience them
until last summer, while 1 was upon
visit to my family in Canada. / was at
q lovely summer resort just across the
line and one day I received telegram
which called me to Louisville, KY. I
packed my grip and started for the
bridge, when 1 was called back by a
friend and taken aside to be given
couple of bottles of the finest old French
brandy you ever tasted. He said he
wanted me to have one bottle and to take
the other to an acquaintance OF his in
the Blue Grass state. It was, of course,
a question of eluding the customs inspec-
tors on the American side, so took the
bottles back into the pantry and poured
just little sweet milk in each. I knew
1t wouldn't hurt the brandy. Then I got
a couple Of slips of paper, wrote Stomach
Bitters' on them, and at the bottom of
each, "A wine glass full every hour and
then started on my way rejoicing.
tThe inspector on the other side was
particularly mean and vindictive sort
of misanthrope," continued the sandy
whiskers, land I never did like his Jocks.
When got on the State side 1 found
that an accident had happened on the
starting SIX or eight hours. The inspec-
tor gave me the Information himself, as
he felt my pockets and asked me cues
tions He finally came to the two bot
ties In the grip and as he unwrapped
them and looked at the labels | never
saw such a double-eyed villa1nously trl-
umphant CLEAN come into any. mans eye
take your medicine, amt it?' he asked,
with a snicker that was simply venomous
[ protested that had had drink OF It
Just before starting, but he insisted that
l looked sick, and gave me broad mint
that he would confiscate the goods II l
did not do as he directed. He had smeiled
the contents, and also rat. He was USED
to the brand. l gulped down glassful
and he stood over me in repressed glee.
1t made the tears come to my eyes, 1t
was so strong and so hot, but he dldn
care. Well, do you know, that soulless
ghoul came around to visit me for six
consecutive hours that remember How
many more times he came l don't know
At the sixth glassful 1 felt like / could
shoot Niagara Falls, and wanted TO DO
so, but he kept me there, and l didn't.
All knew was when woke up I was in
my bed on the Canadian side, with my
wife weeping quietly and bathing my
head and the children standing around
in awed silence. My friend told me about
1t two days later, when I had sufficiently
recovered to hear anything at all. 1 had
been brought home by a returning friend
and slipped in the back way, but my
wife witnessed the affair, and had ordered
the trunks packed for home-going as soon
as was able I took some liquor with
me when we did co. he continued, with
a sigh, "but when we tackled that in
spector I went down In my pocket and
forked over the duty. 1 had had enough
of prescriptions to last me lifetime"