The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-12-02

Anna Barrows, Mrs Mary Roberts
Smith, Miss Emily G. Balch. Miss Lucy
Wheelock and others.
VII. VISITING AND ENTERTAIN
ING.
| l sometimes wonder if organized
philanthropy and hotels are not doing
away with individual hospitality. The
old-fasEioned quaker quarterly meet
ings were abundant evidence of the
past generous way of erowding, but
now il is often difficult for families with
small incomes to be as hospitable as
people We're even thirty years ago
when single bedrooms were not deemed
hygienic necessities.
i We do not take to hospitality natur-
| ally, joyously. inevitably; we have to
weigh its pros and cons. We do not
| dare to invite our superiors lest we
seem arrogant, so We get conscientious
| and ask those whom we do not want as
1 a matter of duty. But when hospital
| ity is thus branded and when one is
invited as TO a phiianthropic caravan
sary scant pleasure is felt by either
visitor or visited.
| BE sure you never put guest room
/ to rights till your guest has been gone
many hours" advised a we'll worn hos
/ tess. '.Why?' 1 asked. Because she
: replied, Il was so glad Mrs. - had
! gone that l was bustling about her
room, changing the sheets. etc. when
she reappeared, saying she had missed
her train. 1 suppose 1 must have
shown my disrnay. for she told me she
/ did not mind sleeping in the same
sheets one more night as it would
save washing, and that she always took
! her own pillowcase wherever she went
| from labor-saving regard for her en-
tertainer.'' Not all visitors are as
/ frank. far-seeing and considerate-that
/ is, If Mrs. - were really considerable.
1t is not merely the cost of a guest
| that has to be reckoned, but also the
! amount OF time she consumes, since the
mccern woman does not sit down to
| talk and sew. OF course there are many
| kinds of visitors. Those with hobby
know how to take care of themselves,
provided they do not lay every one else
under contribution to it. There is the
shopping visitor from the country: let
her hunt for bargains by herself There
is the aged or lonely relative with
nerves and feelings and the general
utility visitor whose services one I'M
consciously accepts, and the gay young
girl with her trunk of bewilderinS
vanities. who makes you happy just
because she is, and the celebrity visitor,
whom the papers interview. Each one
is to be entertained according to her
kind. but on them all rests the same
sense of obligation, since it is always
an honor to be invited into anybodys
home life, no matter how simple the
home.
A guest from the moment of her ar
rival TIL that of her departure should
know when to speak and when not to
speak when to do and when not to do.
when to appear and when to disappear.
There are. moreover two or three mis-
II Itch, scif Of d
ing never commit-such as forming
piatonic friendships with ones hest or
hostess when staying under their roof,
receiving from or making offers OF
marriage to members of the family. IN
dulging in lengthy moonlight limitations
on piazzas or parlor tete-a-tetes. gap
ing when one is bored or imposing upon
or ignoring servants and forgetting
to compensate them for special personal
service, and lastly the misdemeanor OF
being unpuncutual. Little awkward
nesses are to be avoided and explana-
tons are always disastrous ABOVE all,
the well-bred guest, after a visit is
ended, never gossipS about the amusing
weaknesses of the family in which she
has been either welcomed or tolerated
visitor.
OF course a hostess is responsible for
the good times of her visitors and must
not calculate on leaving them alone too
severely, as each one likes to feel she is
of some consequence. In olden days a
visitor shared the family life. its joys,
economies and work. Today her hostess
may greet her on her arrival and not
see her again till o'clock tea or late
dinner. and whether or not they may
meet more than casually at the break
fast table depends upon the perlpateuc
ability of the hostess for clubs and
committee work 1t is much pleasanter
TO visit in and much easier to entertain
in a large family where there are chill
dren, who transfom the house into a
variety show, than in a home wnese
the hostess is by herself. for a family
nursery or grown up children make the
delight of a visit.
On visitor in any kind of a home,
wealthy medium or economical. al
ways rests the invariable task OF max
ing herself agreeable. so perpetual
bondage that many persons prefer the
independence of a hotel to being on
steady family dress parade. Just be
natural, say the guidebooks anent visit
ing. All very well Ii that means peinS
always charming and never aggressive,
no matter how old and privileged nor
how youthful and debonair one may be.
Yet too often being natural means De-
ing rude and selfish. Said polishec
hostess of a young girl: she mad 50
many resources within herself and she
was interested in so many things that
she was a delightful visitor: she en-
livened US when we were together ana
she was never a weight on our minds
when she was alone" And another
lady remarked OF her visitor: He was
so thoughtful of my comfort, SO sunny
in his greeting, that knew l needed
him all the time 70
Personality and point of view enter
into the mutual relationship OF visitor
and host There is as little sense in
setting households aiar by the friction
of urassiriilating guests as there is In
being so exclusive that no one invites
anybody to stay over night. Some peo-
pie take apartments just to condone
their mental lack of hospitality. 1t is
often said that the west is more easily
hospitable than the east. 1t is if EN-
phasis be laid on the adverb in max
ing such a statement. Still. through
ont the country. if summer house par
ties and their like are expected, modern
demands. public duties
and troubles with domestics have les
sened that ready, easy hospitality
which did not mind letting its affairs
be known. When summer comes, for
tunately we relax our housekeeping
rightly and consent to fill our cottages
with guests and to drive three in a
buggy
methods Of hospitality is the extent to
which Sunday has become gala day.
guests are expected to con- |
stautly happen in to lunch or dinner;
girls are at home in the afternoon to
Young men callers, musicaleS are in
order in the evenings.
Still all this is different from the dear