The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1899-03-30
THE POSTAL CRANKS.
THOSE WHO DON'T OR WON'T PROP
eRLY ADDRESS LETTERS.
Their Notiens of Humor as Displayed
In Directions on Envelcpes-Some
of the Puzzles with Which the De-
pnrtmen Has to Wrestle,

Their NOti0nB OF II umOr as Dlspkayeu
In Directions on Envelcpes-some
of the Puzzles with Which the De-
pnrtment Has to Wrestle.
1t does seem an easy matter to properly
address letter in order that 1t may slip
through Uncle Sam S postal mill as speed
lily and safely as possible. No racking of
the intellect is required in the process, and
but little physical exertion-simply the
lnscribing Of name and address Yet, in
the face of this, ask the man who superin-
tends the sorting of the mail in our local
postof1ice about it, and If he does not
throw up his hands and fervently cry,
1.-The Lord preserve us from those who
don't or won't know how to address let
ter!' it will be because he is too busy to do
more than think his opinion.
OF the thousands of letters which go
through the office weekly it is surprising
to learn that hundreds Of them, through
faulty addresses, cause the postoffice peo-
pie almost rs much extra trouble AS tho
handling of those which are In proper
form. And the acts Of this same class are
also the most potent factor in keeping the
wheels Of industry humming in the dead
letter office at Washington all the year
round.
Carelessness on the part of letter writers
is the cause of the appearance of most Of
these bothersome, ,missives, and in this line
San Francisco is entitled to a seat in the
grand stand, as tho records of the Office
will show. 1t is the careless person who
drops letter adorned with stamp, but
unadorned with an address, into the box;
it Is a kindred spirit who mails a letter to
friend in some distant city which the
writer locates in state having no such
city within its borders; 1t is one with
similar failing who directs his letter to a
certain street and leaves blank space be-
low for the postoffice officials to fill in any
city or town it may occur to them the
street is situated in; 1t Is carelessness that
brings to the postoffice a neatly addressed
and stamped envelope which is, however,
unsealed and destitute of contents, just
the sort of an affair to cause fearful
breach between two correspondents, one
angry because of an unanswered letter and
the other indignant because his tale Of the
empty envelope Is discredited. But to tell
of the devious and aggravating ways of
tho careless letter writer would take day
in itself
Ignorance also plays its part in the let
ter game, as a few select specimens Will
show. 1t was certainly an ignorant per-
son who not long ago addressed letter to
"His honorableness the, President, - leav-
ing it to tho superior wisdom Of the post
master to guess whether the letter was a
petition to tho president Of tho United
States for Il position or all appeal to the
president Of glue trust for job as la
bOIer
Ignorance or a chidllke belief In tho
supernatural powers of the postal officials
also inspired the following effusive, though
ope dropped in tho main Office:
TO my cusin, Martha Small, who
lircs in Organ and was goin to moove to
Montanner.
Another missive with nomadic ad-
dress was odorous with mystery. 1t was
directed:
Samuel Kramer, Milwaukee, Wis. If
not, try Columbus, O.. Or maybe, Dallas,
Tcx. or, perhaps Bangor Me-
Was this letter representative Of a for
lorn hope to reach long lost heir to for
tune or the frantic attempt of creditor
to run down an elusive debtor?
A piece of handiwork worthy of the I'M
mortal Handy Andy is exhibited by let
ter which, besides the stamp, bore only on
its face this writing: lv.'-
"If not delivered in ten days, Postmas-
ter will please open and return as per ad-
dress inside Stamp inclosed"
But it is not the careless and Ignorant
alone who clog up the postal machinery
and cause tho letter men to give way at
times to all inclination to use words of
lurid tinge and emphatic meaning. Their
correspondence of which tho foregoing
are only few samples, from an outside
view is easily disposed of by being thrown
aside in the hurry Of making up mail and
afterward bundled of to the postal morgue
at atWashington unless there is some iden-
tiiication mark wheraby 1t may be RETURN
cd to the writer.
There Is vast and growing army Of
cranks who seem to live only for the pur-
pose of using the mails in their own pecul-
lar, idiotlc way. In the operations Of
some of these there is studied fendish-
ness that would suggest gigantic con-
spiracy to drive postal clerks to tho insane
asylum or the clammy tomb. San Fran
Disco has some shining lights in tho crank
line, as may be seen by what follows:
In the first place there is the puzzle
crank who imagines that a 2 cent stamp
gives him tho privilege Of displaying at
the expense Of the postal officials his mar
velous powers as IN enigma maker. OF
many which annoyed the postofilce last
year the following is fair sample:
F. (color) H. (second Prcsident.)
Seventh President.
l0-S-C.
Tho envelope ought to have gone into
the waste box, but Uncle Sans orders arc
TO use all possible means to find the party
10 whom letter is addressed. So finally
\ reformed puzzler in the office deciphered
The address to be, Erred II. Adams, Jack
son, Tenn"
A wholly inexplicable piece of crankism
vas developed by u letter thai apparently
mad no address where addresses usually
,re, but in fine writing in one corner