The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-20
WITH LOCAL COLOR.
Some Funny Things That Really
Happened.

u
She hated to sew. My daughter"
said the gentle voice, your sleeve is
ripped. Had you. not better sew up
those seams?''
Seams, mother? know not seamsr'
she answered. Then she buried her
nose once more in her Hamlet and
let her poor old mother do the work.
They were discussing @Helen's Ba-
bies.' He was simply bubbling over
with something. She observed it and
gave an encouraging 'Well?" With a
twinkle he responded, Il never drink,
but if you'll Bulge, 1 might get some
Teddy" And her hair turned white in
about five seconds.
He was decidedly from the country.
What are you reading?" he asked.
Paradise Lost" I answered. .'Oh,
yes" he said, with the air of a man
who knows the whole thing by heart.
A pause. Then he asked, inquiringly,
rs there any English history in it?''
The teacher was passing the evening
with about twenty of her pupils, and
forfeit games were played recklessly.
What shall the owner do to redeem
this?' was the question, as a dainty bit
OF cambria with the teachers initials
on 1t was held before the penalty dis
penser."
She shall excuse me if don't know
my geography lesson tomorrow" was
the answer. And the teacher had to
promise before she got back her hand
kerchief.
What is the matter with Johnnie?"
asked the fond mother one day at the
dinner table. He looks mournful."
The practical father rejoined, He is
more'n full" The roast beef jumped
from the platter of its own accord and
walked away in deep disgust.
I was brushing my little sisters hair.
Not being used to the business, I
thumped harder than necessary.
Goodness, Joe," she said. IT wish
you would brush like you walk when
you are late for Sunday school,"
How is that?" I asked.
"Slow and steady" she answered.
seven-year-old Ethel took long
time to dress. On this particular
morning she occupied fifteen minutes
old Ken was rather Disguised.
"Je-e-sus, l co-o-me to thee" war
bled Ethel.
Well" said Ken, you'll have to
hurry up or you'll never get there
@ g g
A few weeks ago one of the lower
wards was haunted by a man who took
delight in hiding behind trees and
frightening girls by chasing them
This girl was going home alone from
an evening class. A long walk had
made it later than usual, and it was
a very dark night, SO when she came
to the street where the ghost walked,
she grew nervous. Just where the
light ended and the shadow seemed
denser, man stepped from behind a
tree and confronted her. The girl was
almost paralyzed with fright. She
stood perfectly still. Then recollecting
that presence Of mind in great danger
is the sign of a strong character, she
said, firmly:
Walk across the streetr'
'Ma'am?" inquired the man.
L tell you to walk across that street.
If you don't, I'll shoot
Don't be afraid, madam; I'm am
I'm not afraid She interrupted
calmly. And if you don't walk across
that street pretty quick. I'll shootr'
I'm an officer" said the man.
Il don't believe it, said the girl.
If you were, you'd walk across with
out so much fuss
The man stepped forward into the
lSnt. HIS SHINING DreaStplate shOne
distinctly and his blue coat was most
imposing. The girl gasped
Il beg your-well, there is a man
who-it was so dark, and I-weIl, you
are needed down here, anyway" said
she.
Il know it," answered the man. 81
was sent down to look out for the fell
low. When you turned the corner I
came from behind that tree so as not
to brighten you. And if every woman
were as brave as you are, there
wouldn't be any need of an officer"
Il wonder if men ever know when
they're sarcastic" thought the girl, as
she ran all the way home. She burst
into her mothers room like a small
cyclone and threw herself on the bed,
laughing and crying together.
What's the matter?" asked her
mother.
''Oh, mother. mother!" she answered,
systematically. It's too funny. I've
I've held up a policeman"