Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1899-04-18
HOW 4 NAN kapT HOUSE.
HI HAD BEEN HIRED GIRL roR UNCLE
SAN AND HE KNEW THOROUGHLY A
THING OR TWO.


wife that he bad done = nve-year stint In
the regular army OF the United States.
without any particular reason for IL,
some men feel bit shy about mention
Ing their service 10 The regulars. Per
hsps the fact that, up 70 about ten years
ago, the army was looked upon a. the
last resource Of the ne'er-do-well, may
have something to do with Il.
Anyhow, this young war department
clerk didn't happen 70 mention Il to the
girl when he came along here . couple
Of years ago and courted and married
her that he had spent almost nve-year
stretch among the yellow, blasted-look.
/ Ing mountains Of Arizona, helping bis
troop to hunt for the elusive Apache
kid.
He told her that be had been jsmmlng
around down In the southwest, and he
told the truth, for II hunting that red
devil Of an Apache wasn't jsmming
around the southwest then nothing is.
She considered IL odd that be knew 80
much about soldering, that he went
around the house on Sunday mornings
idly whistling the trumpet calls, and that
he knew how to spiel Indian talk that
Indians understood.
OF course she never stopped to wonder
over his habit Of going down stairways
sideways. She never thought OF him a.
soldier, and so she could not know
that all men who have been csvalrymen
invariably 90 down stairs sideways for
the remainder Of their lives. II isa
habit born Of their service fear Of tiip-
ping themselves on stairs with their
spurs.
They keep house In pretty little place
out In Mt. Pleasant. They have had
considerable difficulty In keeping a SER
want, As q good many Mt. Pleasant
folks do. Their last servant wesried Of
the ''lonesomeness" one evening last
week. packed up the things that belong
ed to her and probably few things that
did not belong to her, 10 accordance with
the rule In such cases, and departed, an
nouncing that she was not TO return.
The young wife wept dismslly after the
servants departure, and her husband,
~ mpsthixing with his wife's red nose,
endeavored 10 xssuage her grief.
LET 'er CO." said he. All stay home
from the Office to morrow, aud you can
oundle of bright aud early and get an
other one. Don't rush yourself 10 death
over Il, either. | can run this shack for
one day, guess"
| "But II I am away after the noon
hour what will you do for your lunch,
you poor old monkey thingyr she asked
him, sollcitously affectionxte.
Never you mind me-" he said. an
get along. You watch me-"
SO, on the following morning, directly
after breakfast, the young wife, with
many forebodings as to the rack aud
ruin she would fnd, and not bit OF her
work done, when she returned, set out
for the down town district TO beg, bor-
row or steal house servant.
"itrl be a give-swsy, all right" muir
INJURED her husband 10 himself after she
went, ''but I'll do II all the same"
| So he set to work. First he washed
the dishes. Soldiers Of the regular
army OF the United States wash dishes
with practiced skill and a thorough
ness such "a few women, with all due
consideration, exhibit. He made \ nice
job Of the dish washing, and then b.
took pair Of shears and cut lot OF
scalloped borders out Of old newspapers
for the china closet. Then he put the
dishware away all neat and orderly
Then he started In at the kitchen. IL
polished the stove frat, so that the
kitchen cat raised her back at her Own
image. Then he got Mt the pans, pots.
skillets and 40 on, aud made them look
like new. Then he swept out the kitchen,
after which he got down on his marrow
bones and gave IL the most busiuesslike
scrubbing IL had ever had military
scrubbing. Thus the kitchen Was all
liked.
Then he wen, up stairs 20 their room
snd made the bed. A man Who has mad.
up his bunk Ia quarters In the u. s.
army for any space OF time doesn't need
To- get any pointers from the women
folks ~ to how that job should be done
Then he sprinkled tea leaves around and
swept the whole up stairs portion OF the
house. after which he busted IL thor
oughlv. Then he descended the stairs
and began the policing of the dining
room. sitting room and parlor. liz
changed the furniture all about, changed
the location OF some of the pictures adj
vsntsgeousiy, gave the plano better
position, and cleaned and swsbbed the
whole outfit until IL looked "a II half a
dozen ordinary servants had been polio
ing IL.
Lunch hour had rolled around by thi.
time and 80 he went 10 the kitchen, neat
ly fried himself some bacon aud eggs
and made himself cup OF coffee on the
gas stove, after which he cleaned mp the
dishes he had used and smoked couple
Of pipes full OF tobacco and reflected
He had expected his wife back by that
time, but she didn't come. He began "a
think of how she'd no doubt be worrying
about the dinner then, aud so he decided
to get the dinner himself. He put on his
coat aud went out 10 the market 10 buy
the dinner. He picked out fine. thick
steak and the necessary vegetables, and
rather xstonished the msrketmsn with
his womanlike manner Of buying. There.
tofore, he had simply been the bill payer
at the market store.
He had fine dinner agoing by half
sfter 3. He knew that his wife would
not be gone later than O'Clock, 80 1T N
quarter TO he put the steak on 70 broil.
Then he set the table with whole lot Of
neatness, not forgetting the bunch OF
flowers that he had bought at the m-r-
ket for the purpose OF adjoining the
table.
His wife walked 10, weary, foot-sore
and rayenous, at minutes past 4 o'clock
She paused at the threshold and looked
about her. The hall had been police
with great thoroughness, and she could
not understand. Then she walked into
the parlor. Her face assumed dsz-n
depression.
awhy, Jack" she said, shave you e. i.
gagged servant YOURSELF"
Nope" he replied Just been pass
ing the time myself bit, that's ALL"
When she saw the set dining room, the
spotless and shining kitchen with it,
lglistening utensils, the brolling steak.
and when she went upstairs and saw tn
miracle that had been wrought there.
TOO, che simply sat down In rocking
chair and stared at her husband. Sh.
WAS able TO speak after while, and then
she inquired:
"But where did you learn to do It ally
He grinned, and went to little old
trunk Of his that WAS slowed away In
the spare room. He dug into this for q
while. and then he brought out parch-
ment paper. He took 1t over to his wife
and handed It to her. IL was M army
discharge. The spsce after the word
"character" was filed 10 with the word
I"excellent." There Was an Endorsement
ut the bottom OF the discharge, signei
BY the colonel of the regiment. saying :
This mxn Is fine soldier, both 10 gar
rison and camp"
| EFT nd IN ko INV turn AZ c0ok Of my