The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-08-18
A BATCH OF "DoN'Ts."
A Few of the Things One Does Well
to Avoid

TO AVOID,
London Answers" devotes "A page to
"Donts," from which the following
have been selected. Some of them. by
the way, are TO be taken in a Pick
wickian sense.
TABLE DONTs.
Don't smoke a cigar while eating
SOUP
Don't order chicken if you want
chicken, but order a crate-egg; it comes
cheaper.
Don't fasten your napkin around your
neck. 1t is now customary to wear a
collar there.
Don't pick your teeth or quarrel at
the table. Both should he picked i'm the
back yard.
Don't put your elbow on the table.
If at loss where to put it, put it in
your pocket.
Don't eat your meals with YOUR fin
gers at a boarding house. Try your
mouth; you get the taste better.
Don't put your knife in your mouth.
If there is not room on the table for it,
balance it on the shoulder of the per-
son next to YOU.
EDlIOHlAl DUN is.
Don't annoy silent editor; he may
be reformed prize fighter.
Don't forget that it's economical to
write on both sides of the va per, and
editors admire economy.
Don't fail to submit list of fifty
alternative titles for your manuscript.
They will please the editor and keep
him out of mischief.
Don't send an article without having
it crosswritten, as 1t makes it bright
and attractive. 1t may try the editors
eyes, but what of that? Spectacles are
cheap.
CYCLING DONTS.
Don't sit erect; it is too good for your
health.
Don't try to knock a street car over
with your bicycle until you've prac-
ticed weh on pedestrians.
Don't take the other mans bike when
leaving. 1t may be a better make than
yours; but it's safer to take your own.
If in a race rider falls in front of
you, don't stop to be graceful in dis
mounting. Get off the best way you
can without losing time.
Don't use cyclometers if you want to
preserve your temper and integrity.
Don't come down a steep hill without
a brake; you may break your head.
Don't be nervous when you meet a
young lady acquaintance. Smile conf
IDENTIFY. take off your cap with either
hand. or both, and choose, soft place
to fall.
Don't ride at less than thirty miles
an hour If you are passing a horse and
carriage. 1t is so refreshing TO the
nerves Of the horse, if the animal is a
little high-sprited.
MATRIMONIAL DON'TS.
Don't marry the woman who would
rather nurse a pug dog than a baby.
Don't marry the woman who would
rather die than wear bonnet two sea-
sons old.
Don't marry the woman who wants
things just because other women"
have them.
Don't marry the woman who buys
brio -brac for the best room and bOr-
rows kitchen utensils from her neigh
bors.
HOLIDAY DON'TS.
Don't ask for eggs fresh from the
farm, but fresh from the hen; there is
| an occasional difference.
Don't ask the very ancient looking
man in the remote village his age. You
only encourage lying
Don't try to tell your friends on shore
how warm the water is, while your
teeth are "chattering" together with
| cold. 1t looks ridiculous.
FISHING DON'TS.
Don't forget the bait.
Don't carry hooks in your trousers
| pocket.
Don't despise a faint nibble. 1t may
be the biggest fish,
Don't yell i've got one" until you've
| landed him.
Don't try to slip the landing net over
a fish tail foremost.
Don't lie about that big catch. It's
been very often overdone.
Don't rdicule the small boy with
| string and bent pin. He often gets a
| good haul.
Don't talk about "killing fish" "giv,
| ing him the butt" covering his rise, "
| etc, when you can't tell trout from
a cod.
ASSORTED DONTS.
Don't lie in the witness box; lie in
bed.
Don't go to law if you have anything
| to lose.
Don't utter Half mo-" when your
| papa calls you.
Don't stare at pretty girl as though
she We're freak.
Don't ask stalwart bobby what he
| measures around the waist.
Don't always be singing "Home
| Sweet Home" at boarding house.
| Don't think the world is round, Wait
till you're mud, and then see for your
self
Don't help yourself TO other peoples
money just because the doctor says you
| must have change.
Don't say, Are you closed?" 10 q
druggist when you ring him up at 80
y. m. for a cough drO9.
Don't suppose" said one OF the
Weary Tmothian type to farmer
you don't know of anybody that dom
want to hire nobody To do nothing
don't you?" Yes" said the farmer
! Il don't"
Heavily Handicapped,