Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-07-27


Teacher-willie. where is the capital
OF the United States? Willie Todate-
In the trusts. Town Topics.
And 1.-the of limb: Traveier-Are the
mosquitoes thick around here? Sub
urbanite-No; long and slim.-Life.
Briggs-Ive got splendid story to
tell at the club dinner tonight. Griggs
Which one is it?-Detroit Free Press.
Eyes, poor Mrs. Gabber died an I'M
speakabIy hard DEATH" What killed
herr? "Lockjaw."-Philadelphia Bull
letin.
Doesn't It cost. you good deal to
run this yacht. old MANI? Yes; but
my wife can't spend cent when she's
hsgs;.-kifs; -r--s=ss1exa
Tehatt-But does the chimney al
ways smoke like this? Landiord-Oh,
no! Only when there's fire 10 the
grate.-Exchange. -.ss~rfxrxER
Editor-Did you write these jokes
yourself? Would-be Contributor Yes,
sir. Edltor-You must be older than
you look.-Criterion.
The little dressmaker who was walk
Ing across a field, on encountering q
bull, said she guessed she'd better cut
bias to avoid gore.-Bazar.
Good Man-Do you know where little
boys 60 who smoke cigarettes? Bad
Boy-Yep! Dey goes out in de wood
shed.-Chicago News.
Subtitle cycle is superseding the
horse everywhere. Biff-Yes; found
a piece Of pneumatic tire In my susage
this morning.-Tit-Bits.
my curiosity is running away with
me-" said the farmer, when his two
headed calf broke loose and towed
him around the barnyard.-Ex.
did that woman give any reason for
attempting suicide" Yes, yer honor"
what was itT' "She says she wanted
to kill herself."-Chicago Record.
Jaggles-"He's the greatest living
authority on ratlesnakes. Waggles-
That isn't saying much; most Of the
authorities don't live long.-Puck.
Orator-No. gentlemen; tell you that
II you want thing to be done well,
you must always do 1t yourself. Voice
from the crowd - How about getting
your hair cut?-Ex.
Mamma lat the breakfast tabls)-You
always ought to use your napkin,
George. Georgia. am usin' 1t, NAM
ma; I've got the dog tied to the leg OF
tho IN hla with it-EX
Smith-What! Are you learning to
fence, Jones? Jones-Yes; you see I'm
going to q peace conference, and It's
just as well to, be prepared.-Boston
Globe.
Mrs Lashs-what did you get baby
for a birthday present? Mrs. Rash-t
took $40 out Of the little darling's bank
and bought him this lovely lamp for the
drawing room.-Tid-Bits
At the Royal Academy" This portrait
makes her look prettier than she did
when l met her. JaneT "Of course,
ma, the artist paints so much better
than she oes."-Pick- Me-Up.
Attorney (sternly)-The witness will
please state If the prisoner was In. the
habit of whistling when alone. Witness
Il don't know; was never with the
prisoner when he was alone.-Ex.
Amy reading)-He gave her a Jew
eled v-i-n-a-i-g-r-e-tt-e-ho do you pro-
nounce that, Uncle Isaac? Uncle
Isaac (gruffiy)-I pronounce 1t down
right foolishness.-Jeweler's Weekly.
II thought" said the disappointed
friend, you told me this election was
going to be a walkover." WELL" an
swered the former candidate, "it was.
was the doorstep. Washington Star.
In Boston: "How much are these
string beans?" "Seventy-five cents a
quart" isn't that rather altitudin-
ousY" eyes, madam, but these are
very highstrung beans."-Yale Record.
Il don't know why you should say
that empty house is haunted" why,
don't you see those ancient window
curtains?" Yes, but" well.
aren't they the shades of the depart
edT"-Boston Post.
Wayfarer Ito the robber)-I haven't
any money with me, I'm sorry to say,
but I will be glad to advise all my
friends and acquaintances to take
walks along this lonely path hereafter.
--Fliegende Blaetter.
Johnnie-What Is a hereto, pa?
Father--A hereto, my son. Is a person
who has wrong beliefs. Johnnie-Then
If ma believed what you tell her when
you come home late, would she be q
heretic?-New York Journal.
Widow Farley = DO We moind the
beautiful bokay Mr.. Googan PRESENTED
me this mawnin'? All. the poor mon!
His wolfe died jist tin days ago. Widow
Murphy - Begorra, they kipt well,
didn't they. -Harper's Weekly.
These are this years pecans, are
theyY Eyes, SIR" "How much are
they?" six cents pound" How
much are those in the next barrel?"
Sell you those for Is cents a pound"
'They look just like the others. What
makes them so much higher" They're
they're next years. pecans, ,sir"-Ex.
Little Ethel, aged 8. accompanied, her
grandmother to church one Sabbath
morning, and when the contribution
plate came around she, dropped IN the
dime that her father had given. her.
The old lady was about to- contribute !
also. when Ethel leaned over and said
In an audible whisDer. .Never mind