The free press. (Poplarville, Miss.) 1890-19??, 1899-01-05
WIT AND hUMOR.
Up.to-Date Jokes and Witticisms from the
Comic Press.

hb ltNJ blllo
He thought of those who courting
came
In search of bonny bride.
"Many have called, but, just the same,
Few have chosen" he sighed.
THE SMALL BOYS REPLY.
Teacher What letter is that, Tom
my?
Tommy-That is Q.
'Right. Now, Willy, tell me what
is the next letter ?"
''Er- er- er-I don't know, ma'am. :"
"What comes at the end of dinner ?"
"Oh pie, ma'am!'
ALL READY FOR BEGINNING.
John Doe-How will Spain ever get
another navy?
Richard Roe-Oh, I suppose she
will begin at the bottom and work up.
A NECESSARY DELAY.
Nodd-"W when are you going to
move into that furnished house you We
taken ?"
Todd-"Just as soon as the people
who own it have taken out all the de-
sirable furniture.
MAKING IT EFFECTIVE.
"I'll give you thirty days in the
Workhouse, said the Judge. Il
ought to give you six months" "
Thanks for the clemency," said
the culprit.
"No clemency at all, / assure you.
I am afraid if you stayed that long
you might get used to it and not mind
it,.
PROFESSIONAL REPARTEE.
"Look at me-" exclaimed the lead
ing lawyer, warmly. 81 never took
drop of medicine in my life, and I'm
as strong as any two of your patients
put together.
"Well, that's nothing" retorte
the physician. 81 never went to law
in my life, and I'm as rich as any two
dozen of your clients put together.
HE WANTED TO SEE.
Commuter (who just missed his
train, to porter at railway statlon)-
Get me mirror in a hurry.
Porter-W What for?
Commuter-I want to see the silly
expression on my face
STILL AN INSPIRATION.
Poets Wife-Algernon, you used
to say before we were married, that
would be u constant inspiration tc
you.
Poet-You are, my dear. You are
constantly reminding me of things
you need. If | didn't have you tc
provide for | wouldn't think of hall
the things | do to write about.
HER PREDICAMENT.
Mrs. Bargain-What are you worry
ing about this morning?
Bargain-I need some new clothes
and bicycle, and I can't make W
my mind whether to get the clothes
at store where they give away bicy
cles, or to buy the bicycle at shol
where they give away clothes.
HER REVENGE.
"I used to be engaged to younI
woman artist.
''Is that so ?"
eyes, sir; and last year she visite'
my wife and painted pond lily am
cattail panel for every room IN tn
house."
INTENDED TO STAY.
"No, we can't get rid of our cook.
"What have you tried p
Everything, Changed milkmen,
got the grocer to send different boy
had the police director transfer thu
good-looking policeman, and bough
new gasoline stove.
'She must be fixture.
AMAN OF KNOWLEDGE.
Average Woman-"How am ! t.
know which is poison ivy and which
isn't ?"
Average Man-'By looking at it
of course. How else would yo'
know One mas three leaves anu III
other five. Every man of sense know
that and | don't see why womel
shouldn't"
''Yes, / know, my dear, but which
kind is the poison kind p
"Why, you goosey. the three-leaf
of course, or the tive-leaf, l forge
which.
HIS SWEET REVENGE.
"Marry you ?" scornfully exclaimed
the young woman. "No-not II yor
were the last man on earth III
never marry 300-pounder with
No. IA foot and hand like spill
ham !"
perceive, Miss Flyppe, rejoined
the overgrown young man, his entire
frame trembling with indignation,
.sthat YOU are not only wasp-waisted,
but you can sting y
And he went away, not wholly
crushed.
FEMININE DIPLOMACY.
He-Why is it, Nellie, that | never