The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1899-02-26

Lake MiltOona. near Alexandria, Mimi.
and in the winter things are dull, but
n the summer a good many city peO-
pie stop at our farm and go fishing.
Father said I would never make a good
farmer, because l was too lazy, 50 he
tried me at several things, and I failed,
50 he said to me one day: Hiram
Hiram Tibbitts is my name-'Iiiram,'
says dad, you've failed at most every
thing, but l think you would make a
good ACTOR That's like a man who
called at our summer resort last June
and asked how the people in our section
lived; three months off from city Wis
itors,' | said, and nine months off from
each other and Hiram chuckled to
himself in the most self-sati.fied way
imaginable. While the brow of the the
atrical manager began to darken with
anticipation.
"A hearty laugh, you know" said
Hiram, turning philosopher. will often
relieve the tension of an over-w worked
brain. That reminds me of some want
advertisements ] was reading in the
newspaper the other day One read like
this: Bulldog for sale: will eat any
thing; very fond of children. There
were some others. One read: Wanted
By respectable girl, her passage to
Honolulu: willing to take care of chill
dren and good sailor Also another,
'Wanted-For summer, a cottage for
small family with good drainage
What theatrical troupe do you travel
with?' asked Hiram, suddenly putting
an end to his laugh.
L am the manager of Miss Clara
Thropp the foremost of Americas COM
ediennes. who is touring the country,
presenting A Dolls House, " replied
the other.
Lets see; that is Henrik Ibsens
great play about a spoiled wife, amt
it?' asked Hiram, evidently well
versed.
Yes" said the theatrical man, ever
see it?"
No, but I have seen spoiled wives,
though; there was Abe Tucker, who
lives on an adjoining farm to us; Abe
got into row with his wife, and he
told her it would never be said that
Abe Tucker ever raised his hand
against a woman, but out in the yard
one day he took club to her and
then Hiram shook all over with laugh
Ter.
Il will tell You how you can quickly
acquire an ache continued he. Put
your hand on the window there; now
don't you feel the pain? A woman's
arm is not Woman's arm when it's a
little bare, and a door is not a door
when it's ajar, and a ship IS not a ship
when it's adrift." Then he began to
MARBLE:
she was bred in old Kentucky,
She was molasses in New Orleans;
She was pork chops in Chicago;
In Boston she was beans"
I of anything | do love, it's music"
continued Hiram: yes, sir, music
soothes the savage beast; that's why
| they put a brass band around a dogs
neck Singing gives great play, too, to
| the mouth, the mouth to my mind is
the front door Of the face. it is the
aperture to the cold storage of anat-
omy: it is the hot bed for toothache
and the bunghole for oratory: it is the
grOcer's friend the orators pride, and
the dentists hope; the crimson aisle
to your liver. patriotism's fountain
and the tool chest for pie. 1t is temp
tatiOn's lunch counter when attached
! to maiden, and married life without
it would be summers dream. BY the
way what do you pay the comedians
in the Clara Thropp company?'
why, the one who does not ride a
bicycle we pay $50 per week. said the
mana ger. by way of a jest.
We'll, never ride a bicycle, although
] bought Il bicycle suit once: when ]
took the suit back to the man / bought
it Of. and told him that the suit ripped
the first time ] straddled the bicycle.
! he said, 'Straddled it? Why. that suit
i Was made for a lady's wheel I fell
J off the bicycle and received internal
/ injuries"
You mean internal injuries. don't
i YOU
NO. persisted Hiram, Il mean n
/ formal; don't the dictionary say infer-
nal means relating 10 the lower re-
! ston>"' and there was a ring of merry
triumph in Hiram's voice that caused