The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-09-01
VARIETIES.

"A member of a school board, not a
thousand miles from Boston, visited
a school under his jurisdiction. When
asked to make some remarks, he said:
well, children, you spells well, and
reads well, but you hain't sot still"
As the congregation sang 1--WE are
going home to die no MORE" in West
| field (Mass.) church, an irreverent fell
low, leaning over to a dyed deacon,
said in loud tone, "Then you'll be
gray in a week"
when a man pays attention to a
woman" says the Manayunk Philoso.
pher, Its generally a sign that he
wishes to marry her, and when he
dosen't pay attention to her it's often
| sign that he has married her."
Johnnie" said the father, stern
ly, your school teacher writes me
that you do not behave yourself"
"Yassar," replied the boy. "She
says I'm as bad as you were, pop"
Whereupon the parent went up
stairs to enjoy alone the laugh over
old times.
Henry" she said, disconsolately,
"you didn't give me a birthday gift"
by Jove, that's SOL said Henry;
"but, you see, you always look SO
young that can't realize you ever
had birthdays" Then she was happy,
and he smiled the mean, subtle smile
of a man who has saved money.
-Bess-"How in the world did you
discover her age?" TEST asked her
at what age she thought girl should
marry, and she promptly said twenty
seven"
"A judge in this State deserves to
go to the head of the class. He charg-
ed jury the other day as follows: IF
you believe what the counsel for the
plaintiff has told you, your verdict
will be for the plaintiff; but if, on the
other hand, you believe what the de-
PENDANTS counsel has told you, you
will give your verdict for the defend
ant. But if you are like me, and
don't believe what either of them
said, don't know what you will do"
1t is needless to say that, having full
confidence in the court, the jury dis
agreed.
Unexpected Resources-Mr. Ram
DO, moving vaguely and uncertainty
held up by a footpad, who went
through all his pockets and found
quarter of a dollar. SHAY" hic-
cough Mr.. Ranbo, surprised himself
at the extent of his portable wealth,
"how ju know had all that left?"
"A delicate perfume for the
bureau drawer is made by mixing one
ounce each of cloves, nutmeg and
tonga beans with three ounces of
orris root, all finely ground. Put in
bags of thin China silk and lay among
the clothing.
Speaking to woman's convention,
the Governor of Colorado remarked
when the Israelites were broken
with dissension, God gave woman
to judge them. Deborah ruled them
for forty years-and, the Bible adds,
then they had a rest. 1 have never
been clear whether the rest came as
result of her rule or because her reign
was ended7'
"A pun so good that it was not only
pardoned, but enjoyed was once made
in reply to Lord North. 1t could not
have been made outside of England,
where clerk is invariably clark"
Lord North had just begun to make
his annual budget speech in the House
of Commons, when dog, which had
wandered in, lifted up his voice in
series of lively yelps. by what new
opposition AIN l attacked now?" in
quired Lord North, facetiously. II
think, my lord" replied a voice well
known to most of the hearers, 81 was
the member from Barkshire.n