The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-06-05
JOKES CALLED MERCHANDISE,

II have come to regard an idea as purely
matter OF merchandise" said a local
newspaper man. who augments his salary
by supplying pearls Of thought to the
Northern periodicals. When I invent a
joke for instance Immediately consider
the garb In which II will bring the best
price. and you would be surprised at the
extent OF my literary costume shop. To
illustrate the point had a small inspira-
ton this morning that have not yet de-
cided how to use. The simplest form
would be a bit Of dialogue to accompany
picture In one OF the comic weeklies In
which case 1t would run about like this:
Old Moneybags. severely: 81 trust.
sir. that you haven't contracted any new
debts"
Young Moneybags. with. engaging
frankness: ''Oh no. air: but have sue
ceeded in expanding for the muniicent
sum Of 81"
II would label this Expansion Policy
Up to Date and. IL accepted. / would re-
ceiye check for the magnificent sum
OF 81.
But have q good paper on my staff, /"
continued the Industrious young man,
that is fond of little anecdotes of the
brand once popular In Harper's Drawer,
and is especially partial to Southern
favor. II send my Jokelet there l shall
dress 1t about as follows:
One OF tha small tenants ON the plan
tation owned by Col. l.. was good
natured. shif,less old negro who answered
TO the name OF Moses. Although Moses
had an excellent piece OF land that was
cultivated with fair success by his numer.
Gus progeny. he was always hopelessly en-
tangled In debt, and the colonel took fire.
Quent occasion TO lecture him on his Inn
providence. One day the old darkey hob
bled past the manor house, sunk, appar-
emily. in the deepest detection. Hello!
Nose" called the colonel from the porch.
what are you looking so glum about pa
Use nightly stressed in mind, kunnei -
replied the tenant. mournfully. We'll, I
suppose you've been contracting a lot Of
new debts" said the planter. mo. sah.'
replied Nose earnestly; no. kunnel, there
amt been no new debts 'tracted but they's
been er po'ful 'spansion OF sommer tn ole
ones
Now that's an innocent little anecdote,
not calculated to bring blush TO tho
cheek Of any reader and illustrating what
our Northern friends regard as the native
Wit OF the coiored brother. Such jeu
d'esprtt sell at three for s..
II might continue these lightning
changes indefinitely" the speaker went on.
but think I've covered my point. How
ever II was running a series OF dialect
or character sketches I wouldn't use such
a Joke separately al all. hut would store
II away to work into the general drift OF
the text. Merely as an illustration. sup
pose I was the inventor 81 Mr. Dooley,
which wish 10 the Lord I was, I'd start
OF about like this:
% They'se no denyin'. H!nncssy. that TIL
imper- rayel policy has taken fur-rm hould
on tn inauguration of tn taiiin' masses. :
said Mr.. Dooiey. They're like IN lad on
tn far-rra, pinin' 20 20 to tn city 10 ac-
quire ixper- Renee an goaid bricks. At
prisint iverything's for Expansion. I was
n; Hoean's last night. an young Tim. ye
know he's Wild d.vvie struck tn ould
man fer ATTY WHAT fur7' says Hogan.
AN Is Il new debts we've been con-
tractin'f" says he. NO. father" says
Tim ITS ouid vans" says he. I've been
ixpandin." says he. ''Tis no wonder. Him.
messy that
But you sec how II is With a little
care and ingenuity I can serve up my
dirsnutive tdea in aimos; as many differ
cnt forms rs Oscar AZ the Waldorf Astoria
can serve eggs. which I believe IS sis
Sometimes start 10 ind.te a two-aine text
for picture and expand the theme into
30o word storyetie. It's ono OF the
tricks Of the trade. me boy. without which
! should Se obliged 20 take my meals at a
considerably cheaper hashery."-New Or
leans Tines Democrat.