Barre evening telegram. (Barre, Vt.) 1898-19??, 1899-02-23

SOME THAT ARE FAIRLY BRIMFUL OF
ABSURDlTY.

mere Is mistaken nOJlOn ABROAD,
says writer in London Tit-Bits, that
proverbs are epitones of wisdom, the
concentrated experience of generations,
and that to quote one of them in dis.
cussion is to advance an unanswerable
argument. And yet what is there to
recommend many of them beyond their
jingleY Take our familiar friend:
EARLY to Bed and Early to Rise Makes
Man Healthy, Wealthy and Wise. --
Obviously, the main idea was to find a
word to rhyme with "rise, and "wise'
was the unfortunate word chosen. And
now, trustful little boys are persuaded
to 90 to bed at unreasonably early hours
in the hope Of becoming sort of San
dow Rothschild-S Solomon, though we
all know milkmen and market garden
ers who get up at 8 a. IN. and are nei-
ther rich nor clever. and members of
parliament who 60 to bed late and are,
if not clever. at least not poor and in
firm. Since the invention of gas and
electric light this ridiculous old proverb
has outlived it's original modicum of
truth, and proves we must not venerate
proverbs Oh account of their hoary an
tiquity
The Early Bird Catches the Worm. -
The mistake made here is that it assumes
we are all birds. But some of us are
worms If we were not, what would
become of the birdsf And. therefore,
while the birds do well to be early, let
the worms be late-the later the better
The Pitcher That Goes Oft to the Well
Is Broken at Last. Mote, it does not say
sis broken first. but "is broken at
last. OF course, every pitcher, wheth-
er it goes to the we'll or stays on the
shelf. is broken at last, and the only re-
suit of this absurd proverb is to encour-
age lazy folk to do as little work as pos
sible and unnecessarily keep out of
harm way.
If You Want Thing Well Done, Do
1t Yourself There's shocking bad ad-
vice with which to start youth on
life's journey. If he wants button
well sewed ON, he's to do it himself; if
he wants his hair well cut, he's to cut
it himself He must mend his own
chairs, shoe his own nag, darn his own
socks. In short, from buying a horse to
backing his boots. he must do it him
self. Poor fellow!
A Contented Mind Is a Continual
Feast. Can any one say what that
means? Does it mean that the owner
continually feasts on his contented mind
or that the contented mind is contin
ually feasting? Probably the latter, as
we sometimes hear that "a hungry
mans an angry man, and we all know
that a satisfied appetite is the source of
contentment. Hence it is not the con-
tented mind which makes the feast, as
the silly proverb implies, but the con-
tinual feast which produces the con
tented mind.
There's No Rule Without an EXcep
ton --Thi; is not only proverb; it is
also rule. But obviously there is no
exception to this rule, because if there
were rule with an exception this
proberb would be untrue. But the prov.
erb is IL rule which has no exception.
which, as Mr.. Euclid would say. is alb
surd Which was to be shown.
Where Ignorance Is Bliss, IT'S Folly
to Be Wise. For oracular stupidity
this proverb may be classed with the
one about the pitcher. Granting it true,
the difficulty is to know where igno-
rance is bliss and of course the prov
erb gives no assistance where it is
most needed. Most people quote it as
"ignoranco il bliss. in their blissful
ignorance, but if proverb gives rise
to error it is not only absurd; it is also
dangerous. When people say
A Little Learning Is Dangerous
Thing-They make that n reason not
for learning more, but for learning less,
Love Me. Love My Dog If go
accounting, and my ladylove bids me love
her scented, dyspeptic poodle, which is
not necessary to her health and comfort,
must not much more love her glass
eye and false teeth and hair, which are ?
Yet common sense revolts at the notion,
and therefore assume that proverb
which. logically treated. makes such
unreasonable demands on my affections
Is wrong and absurd.
Seeing Is Believing. How can any re-
Aecting person repeat these words? For
very often we believe we see what real
ly we do not If "A conjurer were to take
this proverb as his motto, every one
would see it's absurdity. A straight
stick half submerged in water looks
crooked. Fortunately, another proverb
says, Trust not to appearances And
this bring US to the exquisite absurdity
Of popular proverbs which run in con-
Trajectory pairs and support both sides
of an argument. Thus one proverb says,
"Look before you leap another,
"Who hesitates is lost. Sometimes we
hear that "Second thoughts are best; =
1t other times that delays are danger
tus The desperate man relies on
Nothing venture, nothing have;' the
cautious man on ''Never venture out OF
your depth till You can swim. y The
impatient matrimonial candidate be-
lieves that ''Happy's the wooing that's
not long a-doing;" the tardy one that
one may "NIarry in haste and repent at
leisure. And so ON ad infinitum. "Ab-
sence makes the heart grow fonder -
"Out of sight, ont of mind ut $ never
too late to mend IA fool at 40 will
never be wise. TOO many cooks spoil
the broth There's safety in num-
bers" and 1.-TWO heads are better than
one.
Therefore, let us examine our proven
bal coinage before we pass it into the
moral currency
Change Wanted.
What some people need more than