The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-03-03
VARIETIES.

| BihIEIIES.
-Mistress-Sarah, how was it that
saw you entertaining friends in the
Kitchen again last night2 Sarah-Pm
sure L don't know, unless you looked
through the keyho!e.
-Dawson's an awfully extravaeapt
chap. Yes ne is. Has he got much
money back of him? I'm afraid he
has more than he has ahead of him.
--Bobby-Say, mamma, was the
baby sent down from heayen2 Mamma
Why, yes. B0boy-Um! They
likes to have it quiet up there, doesn't
they?
"A little girl Of tender years, who
had been attending Que of the public
kiudergar:ens. fell from z ladder. Her
mother caught her up from the ground
in terror. eXclpiming: o darling! how
did Won fall? Vertically, replied the
child, without n seconds hesitation.
"A man had his purse stolen, and,
unfortunatelv, it contained Il good deal
of money. One day, to his great sur
prise, he had Il letter from the thief,
enclosing II small portion of his pro.
perty. TThe letter ran as follows:
sir, stole your mummy. Remawse
is noripg Mt my conshense. so | send
sum of it back. Wen it nors agen,
will send sum NAV.
When little Willie first heard the
| braying of mule he was greatly
| frightened; but after thinking q
minute, he smiled at his fear, saying,
Mamma, just hear the Door horse
with the whooping cough!"
Little Freddie was talking to his
grandma, who was something of a
sceptic. "Grandma, do you belong to
the Presbyterian Lhurch?" No"
ITO any Church, No" "Well,
grandma, don't YOU think it's about
time to get in somewhere"
Teacher: What happens when
mans temperature goes down as far
as it can go?'' Smart Scholar: "He
has cold feet, mt'am."
Nov, lady, look beautiful and
happy" said photographer to the
Young woman. 80. That's it.
There, have You. Now you may
resume your natural expression"
- understand you are having
trouble in meeting your creditors?'
Trouble in meeting them? Great
Scott, man. | meet 'em every time |
turn a corner--meet 'em everywhere"
Are you aware, sir" said the
umbrella is poking me in the eyer"
at isn't nv umbrella" replied the
man just in front, with equal fierce
ness. Its a borrowed one sir!'
New York Magistrate: What
sort of man, now. was it whom you
saw commit the assault?n Policeman
l,l l.
significant raytlIur--about your own
size, yer honor"
Law n---What is your gross in
come?' Witness--"I have no gross
income" Lawyer: NO income at
ail?' Witness. NO gross income;
have net income. am in the fish
business"
'Stutterby, did you have hot
weather on your Western trip ~
Hot? When we played Hamlet the
manager had to let the ghost come on
with Il palm leaf fan.
The landless man who used to say
that he was sure of six feet of earth.
one day was lost in mid-ocean. 1t is
never safe to be sure of anything that
hasn't come to pass.
Mrs. De Souri, want you to keep
YOUR dog out OF my house. It's full of
flaas. Miss DE Snart-Meroy on ma
Fido, come here, sir! Don't you go
into that house again. It's full of
tleas.
What polite young man, Mr..
Gestring, the vioiiniA,appears to ba
be-" "Indeed. hadn't noticed it,
oh, yes; bowling and scraping all the
time
An instrument by which every
tooth i'll your head may be drawn,
without pain or perception, provided
you only shut your eyes. and keep
your mouth open "A lead pencil.
GOOD Friend: Il have reason to
suspect that your husband is flirting
follow him wherever he goes"
Great heavens! My husband is a
letter carrier"
ONE OF SAM JONES STORIES.
Before yon e TO dinner" Mr. Jones
Il want YOU to hear one of
my latest aud best jokes. You know
the Christian Scientists balieve that
everything is true that they think true.
An old negro came up to see IL friend
CT mine, and my friend, who was the
negro's employer, said:
"'Ben, you are late again. What's
the matter?'
MY brothers < 1t the rheumatism"
said the negro, and | stayed up all
night and nursed him. That is why
am late.'
HE amt got rheumatism, Ben
said the boss, he j ,st thinks he has
The next day the negro didn't show
up at all, but came the following day.
"'Hello, Ben,' said his boss. Guess
your brother thinks he's got the rheu-
matism again, don't he?'
No, boss; he thinks he's dead.
We buried him yesterday"