The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1899-07-28
ANTICS or EYEoLAssEs.
The Are Not 20 Ne Compared WITH 4
Old Reliable spectaoles.

The Are Not 70 Ne Compared with
Old Reliable spectacles.
Most people have prejudice against
spectacles, writes one who has suffered
with lame eyes. They make one look
80 old. They spoil the expression Of
the eyes, and leave a mark across the
nose, and are uncomfortable over the
ears. So It generally happens when
ene's eyesight gives out and everything
grows woefully indistinct. eyeglasses
are resorted to. $50 much more con-
venient than spectacles!' said friend
to us the other day. Eyeglasses are q
sort Of compromise between youth and
age, and as long as a person wears
eyeglasses he may be regarded as not
so very old. For when old age unmis.
takably sets in then we cease to think
SO much Of appearances, and cry out
comfort In one pair Of spectacles, that
will stay on your face right where you
put them, than there is in dozen pairs
Of eyeglasses, which are always flying
off on business Of their own just when
you want them.
Eyeglasses are made on purpose to
break. They are always catching into
something. The bows are as brittle as
molasses candy in January. The glass
es are always falling out, and If you
happen to be near-sighted you might
hunt until next Fourth Of July without
finding them again. When nothing else
happens to them the spring breaks and
they get underfoot, and somebody steps
on them, and you are couple Of dol
lars out, and as good as blind, with
no dog to lead you in the paths Of safe
ty. In hot weather you can't keep
the slippery things on your nose to
save you. as::.-,-~'- -.-''.
If you perspire, your nose has no at
traction for India rubber or celluloid.
Just as you are looking at something
and flattering yourself that you have
got exactly the right focus, down go the
glasses, and you have to rub your nose
up. and stick them on again, and look
quick, for the same thing is going to
be repeated again and again. Another
characteristic Of eyeglasses is the fact
that when they are wanted most they
turn up missing. You may look and
hunt, and hunt and look; and when you
don't need them you. will find them
hanging serenely to your buttonhole
or resting composedly on the table at
your side. AS an item of expense they
are formidable. Your boots do not
cost you any more per year. The cigars
you smoke are not more expensive by
the month. They are always in Grip
pied condition. They need the doctor
continually, and you no sooner get the
spring mended than the bow breaks,
and when that trouble is remedied, you
lose one glass, and by the time that is
fixed the ''catch" gives out, and so on.
A man is never safe with less than
three pairs Of eyeglasses at a time
unless he wishes to be left without
sight. They are the most perplexing,
unreliable Of all friends, and the per-
son who is dependent upon them is to
be pitied. Those who wear them for
style-and we are sorry to say there
are some such consummate fools in the
world-must have O relish for sef-tor-
ment, and owe themselves an awful
grudge for something. And people who
have good eyes, who can laugh at
glasses and the wearers Of them, ought
to be devoutly thankful, and pray that
the time may yet be afar off when they
shall fall under the curse of eyeglasses.
New Orlean Picayune.