davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Jim,s fermentation

Jim was "broke. However, he man.
aged to reach Vancouver, and, walking
into the headquarters office Of the Ca
madam Pacific, said to the manager in
charge: II am Jim Wardner, and I am
an old friend of Tom Shaughnessy.
Will you please wire him and tell him
that 4 I'M here broke, and want trans
portation to Montreal?"
Back came the reply: "Don't let Jim
walk"
He got the transportation, and, arriv-
ing at Montreal, called at once on Tom
Shaughnessy.
"Hello, Tom; sc glad to see you and
thank you"
"Well, well, Jim, is this really your"
Then, with the real Sh%aughnessy twin
kle Of the eye: 'How under the heavens
did you get here SO soon, if you were
broker"
"Why, Tom, thanks to your telegram,
Don't let Jim walk, Of course I was at
once furnished transportation, and here
I am"
"Confound those operatorsl" with
apparent severity. eft is strange they
cannot get my messages through cor.
rectlyl"
Didn't you telegraph, Don let jim
walk?" interrupted Wardner.
"Certainly not. My answer was;
'Don'tl Let Jim waikiki Montreal
Star.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
l1arysr ~Aristoer.ts.

The Hungarian aristocracy has the
largest estates Of any. mobility in Eu-
rope. The manner Of living Of these
grands seigneurs is str sagly patriarchal
Their country chateaux, are comforta-
bic, but unpretentious, and are lordly
in nothing but the hospitality Of their
owners. The stranger and the native
are alike made welcome within the
doors Of these old manor houses and in
ivitedgto sit down at table like friends
of the family.
II a stranger drives up to the en-
trance door Of a Hungarian chateau,
Immediately and before any questions
are asked concerning the visitors bust
ness, even before the master of the
house has made his appearance, a legion
OF servants rush forward and carry the
visitors baggage to one of the half doz-
en- rooms always ready to receive guests,
invited or otherwise. When the Hun
garians wish particularly to honor a
guest, Is or 30 courses are served at
dinner, but as the Magyars have in ev-
erything the utmost respect for indi-
vidual liberty no guest is ever pressed
to eat or drink.
"You are at home. Do as you would
at home" says the master of the house
as he greets you On your arrival. Liv-
ing as they do, away from court and
court life, these proud Magyar aristo-
Gratis ask nothing and expect nothing
from the sovereign, and maintain in
consequence their pride, dignity and
independence of character. -Argonaut.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
A Swell.

One of my neighbors was an interest.
ing creature, and evidently well pleased
with himself. He wore long finger nails,
and seeing me look at him spread out
his left hand, evidently for my admira-
tion. On the fourth finger he wore q
large Chinese ring, and all the nails
were long, particularly those of the
fourth and fifth fingers, which had
grown to a length of at least an inch.
They looked like huge claws, especially
when he tried to pick up anything from
the seat. The owners Of such nails re-
gard them with extreme satisfaction
and cultivate them so carefully that
they sometimes attain a prodigious
length.
They are largely affected by Siameg?
and Chinese clerks who fancy them.
selves exquisites. They are supposed to
indicate the fact that their owners do no
manual work. Curiously enough, in 81
far off a place as Mexico, the same idea
exists, but there it is generally confined
to the little finger. do not know what
else he had to be proud about unless it
was his right leg, which was elaborate
ly tattooed above the knee He was
dressed in only a panung, and to a cord
around his waist was attached a wallet
for his tobacco, betel nut, etc. He also
carried some food wrapped in a piece Of
green plantain eaf.-Gentleman's Mag
azine.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
The Maeician and the K,nr.

There is q good story told of a ma
gician who has passed the great divide.
He was a world Travelled player, and
his wanderings set him upon one occa-
sion in faraway New Zealand. 1t was
arranged that he should give an exhibit
ton of mind reading before the king of
the Maoris. After some ~parleying it
was decided that the king himself should
conceal the article which the magician
was to discover.
The mind reader left the. room and,
after a time, was brought back blind
folded, as is the custom in such per-
formances. After some time the ma
gician declared that the hidden article
was in the kings mouth. His majesty
shook his head savagely in the mega
tive. The magician insisted upon HE
point and demanded that the kings
mouth be opened wide. The king re-
fused.
The magician insisted, and the ex-
citement became very great until at
last the dusky king reluctantly opened
his jaws. The article was not therel
The next instant, however, the king
was taken with a violent fit of cough
ing. He had tried to swallow the lost
article, a button, but could not, and
was compelled to cough it up.
The Maoris were %uproarious with
mirth. They did not know which to
admire the more-the wisdom of the
magician or the heroism of the king
London Globe.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
He Wa.


An English literary man who visited
this country to lecture frankly declared
that he came, not expecting to find &C
curate scholarship among Americans.
especially on purely literary subjects.
adding affably:
"You have been too busy and useful
a nation in practical matters to give
much time to the arts and graces Of
learning"
During the dinner at which he made
this remark he criticised Shakespeare,
sharply declaring that his metaphors
often were absurd. Gas, for example"
he said, " Sleep that knits up the raw
eled sleave of care How ridiculous to
figure sleep as knitting up a torn sleeve
Of a coatr"
A young American sitting neal him
said modestly: 81 think the word is
not sleeve, but sleave, the thin fluff of
a damaged web. 1t is a technical ex-
preston among weavers."
"In the States probably" retorted
the critic irritably. "Shakespeare never
could have heard It. He meant sleeve"
81 believe" persisted the American
gently. "the word is printed sleave in
all the old editions. 1t is not an Ameri-
can word, but has been used for CEN
turtles by weavers in Scotland and the
north of England"
The visitor frowned and then with
English frankness said, laughing:
''Thank you; I was mistaken. Perhaps
I am mistaken about other things and
will be corrected before I leave your
shores. Youths Companion.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Didn't Lose Any Sleep.

Jenner, the famous English physician,
was essentially a strong and self reliant
man. He attended the prince consort
through his fatal illness. he was the
Prince Of Wales doctor when the heir
to the British throne had 80 narrow an
escape in 1879. and he also, went to
Darmstadt and remained In attendance
upon the Princess Alice till she died.
To practice medicine in .'the fierce
light that beats upon a throne" is not
calculated to lessen the physician 8 anx-
ieties, and n who knew Jenner well
once Questioned him on this point and
limited that his responsibilities must
sometimes be sufficient to render sleep
or rest impossible. -
"sleep," replied Jenner in his char
acteristic way. 81 don't think that an
xiety about a patient ever kept me
awake five minutes in my life. I go to
a bedside. I do my best What more
car I doa Why should I not sleepR"
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
The Best Way to sample whisky.

The Best Way to Sample Whisky.
One of the best judges of whisky in
Chicago is a man who never drinks it.
He is Captain Joseph E. q. Ryan, for.
merly of the Seventh.
Captain Ryan is a whisky expert.
He can tell almost to a day the age Of
any sample submitted to him. Give
him a few drops Of whisky, and he
can tell you the brand, the distiller,
where it was made, when, and detect
adulteration if there is any. Blend two
or three kinds of whisky, and he can
tell the blend.
And he W tastes it, being strictly
temperate In all his habits.
It is all told by the smell. Captain
Ryan's nose is a representative organ
and he has trained it with the utmost
care.
"'Smelling is by far the most salts.
factory method of testing" he says.
IF a man has a great deal to sample,
and tastes each kind, he soon gets sc
that he cannot distinguish one from the
other. The sense of taste becomes blunt.
ed, and he loses all the fine distinctions.
'sOn the other hand, the more a mar
uses his o the more acute the sense
Of smell becomes, and he is able to de.
teot the slightest difference between
samples. "-Chicago Journal.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
A Button Collection.

A New York lady's pet hobby is a
marvellous collection of all sorts and
sizes of buttons. Some Of the enamel
and miniature painted ones are veri-
table works of art, while paste and
presaous medals worked in various ways
supply other fascinating specimens.
The greatest rarities are two Chinese
official buttons, which in reality are
decorations, and buttons from off gar
ments known to have been worn by
Marat, Robespierre, Charles Dickens,
Sir Walter Scott, Washington, Nelson,
Byron, De Foe, George II, George III,
Napoleon, Wellington, Bismarck. Irv-
ing, Garfield and numerous other celeb
rites Of both sexes. The collection
numbers some 10. 900 specimens. New
York Telegram.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
by Post,

Practically all the packages that go
through the New York postofice are
examined. Many persons seem utterly
unable to resist the temptation to scrib-
BILE a message upon the back of a photo
graph or the lid of a box. A written
dedication in a book or a written greet
ing, such as the conventional Cherry
Christmas" is allowable, but, with
these exceptions, any written word
makes a package liable to letter postage.
The whole fly leaf Of a book may be filled
with a %dedicatory note, but any other
words, as, for instance, "See Page A.
would cause the package to be classed
al written matter.
Another common error is to put seal
ing wax on the knot of the string around
the package. Such a package is classed
as "sealed against inspection and
must pay letter rates. The same rule
applies to boxes that have their lids
nailed or tackled on. The amount of
money collected for insufficient postage
Is surprising. The average receipts in
this department of the p%ostofice are
$500 a day.-Leslie's Weekly.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Paper Bath Robes.

The latest use for paper, according tc
a German technical paper, is for the
production Of bath robes. The material
used for this purpose is somewhat thick
and resembles common blotting paper.
The bath robes made of this material
cling to the body Immediately after be.
ing put on, and, as the paper takes UP
the moisture very eagerly, the drying
of the body takes place rapidly. Fur.
thermore. the paper is bad conductor Of
heat, and as such it acts as a protection
against quick changes of the tempera-
ture, preventing the wearer from catch
ing cold. Slippers and hoods are also
made Of the same material.-Pape1
Mill,
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Nubar. Pasha and the Pipes.

Soon after the occupation Of Cairo by
the British troops the late Nubar Pasha
took a prodigious fancy to the music of
the Black Watch and had the idea Of
having a servant taught the use Of the
bagpipes. Nubars dispatched a French
friend, who spoke English very well, to
interview a piper on the subject.
Donald replied: "Weel. he MIGHT
learn or he MIGHT no.. Bit, let me tell
ye, it needs wind an mickle strength
tae fill the bags O. the pipes an keep
blawin. Sac IL yin o. thae Egyptian
chaps took the job on he'd need tae be
bandaged a. ow' re like yin O thae aud
mummies. or maybe he'd burst him
SELL" "@
This conversation was reported to
Nubar, who took the piper's remarks
seriously. So he gave up the idea Of
having a skir1er attached to his house
hold, as the use Of the bagpipes was at
tended with the prospect of such! dan
ger to the performer. -Westminster
Gazette.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Hamlet. Bowl Of Cruel.

George Melville, an old English actor,
was fond Of telling a funny story at his
OWL expense. He was acting Hamlet in
Bristol It was the actors rule to take
a bowl Of Cruel in the course Of the
evening, and his landlady sent over the
usual refreshment from the lodgings in
Queen square. She happened to have a
''new'' servant girl, who was explicitly
directed to get to the stage door by the
entrance from Bank street and then
carry the Cruel into the greenroom.
She arrived at a moment when MI.
Melville was con-" Being unused to
the ways Of the theater, she asked a
man at the wings where Mr.. Melville
was.
''There." said the super, pointing to
the stage. >
The actor was in the middle of the
soliloquy, $40 be or not to be-" when
the girl advanced toward him, bearing
the bowl, and said, eff you please, MI.
Melville. sir, here is your Cruel"
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
The Market In Cauls,

We believe that there is still some
market for cauls among sailors, who re-
tain their belief in the efficacy Of the
membranes as a protection against ship
wreck and drowning. Notices of "Cauls
For Sale Within were to be seen recent
ly in windows in the vicinity of the
docks Of both London and Liverpool,
but it is some time since we have no.
ticed an advertisement Of a caul for
sale in the daily press It may be re-
marked that the sale of cauls, 80 far
from being a very ancient custom, is a
comparatively modern innovation. The
witchcraft of the middle ages declared
against the caul retaining any virtue
whatever if parted with by gift or sale
to any but a member of the child's kin
dred. -Lmdon Lancet.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
..cons Here, sir.n

~S AAV~SV 0AAS u
It was during evening prep. Jonel
minor was always getting into mischief,
and the master had his eye on him II
consequence.
"Jones minor. you're talking" said
he suddenly. 81
"Yes, SIR" replied Jones, meekly.
"Wha we're you sayingf" Pause.
"Well, I'm waiting. What was it you
saidf"
"Come here and I'll tell you. sir. .
answered Jones.
We stared aghast at our companion,
and wondered what would happen next.
The master looked as If he had not heard
right.
"What did you saya" he said, slow.
ly.
"Come here and I'll tell you, sir, .
ventured Jones again.
We were on the tiptoe of expectation.
Such daring as this was unparalleled,
even for Jones. The master rose from
his chair. His anger was terrible tosee.
"Leave the roomi" he thundered, strid.
ing toward the trembling culprit.
"Why, sirf" faltered Jones.
"Why, sirf" sputtered the irate peda-
gogue. "When I ask you what you
were talking about you ask me to come
to you and you'll tell mel Why. in
deedl"
eyes, sir. But that's really what
did say" the boy replied. "Mobbs ask
ed me what the exercise was. and ]
said, Come here and I'll tell YOU"
Then the band played.-Buffalc
News.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
H PROFESSORS ADVICE.

1t Was Followed, but 1t Spoiled the
~ Next Recitation.
They tell this story Of a college prank
the boysat Princeton played m Profess-
or "Winky'' Young, professor Of as
tronomy. His recitations were recently
held the first thing in the morning, and
he had to ad1nonish the students in his
division to correct the fault of tardi-
ness, which he claimed was increasing
in a lamentable manner, and when one
Of the students explained that they all
studied $50 late at night they were apt
to oversleep in the morning he kindly
advised them to secure alarm clocks,
which. he said were, one Of the most val
liable and useful Inventions.
The next day nearly every student in
the. class came into recitation with an
alarm clock in his pocket. which by pa
tient and united effort were set SO that
one would 60 off promptly. at every sue
cessive minute Of the hour. The effect
can be imagined. Shortly after the first
student was called to recite one of the
clocks in the pocket of boy at the 9TH
'er end of the room went off with a ter
rible clamor, and before 1t had finished
a second in another part of the room
madeyeven q louder racket.
There was a brief interval, which the
professor utilized to call up another stu
dent, but the latter was scarcely on his
feet before the third clock went of. The
performance was continued for half an
hour or more, when the professor, who
had q keen sense Of humor, recognized
the situation and cut short the fun by
terminating the recitation. The boys
explained that they, had; followed his
advice and secured alarm clocks, which
they were carrying around with them
because they were likely to fall asleep
at most any time.-st. Louis Globe
Democrat.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18

constantly for ten years, he disease had .
frmer hold than ever. I tried q number Of
blood remedies, but their mineral ingredients
settled in my bones and gave me rheumatism.
I wastn alamentable condition, and after ex.
hausting all treatment, was declaredincurable.
Seeing g. 6. g. advertised as q cure for blood
diseases, I decided to try 1t. As soon as my
system was under the effect Of the medicine,
I began to improve, and after taking it for
two months I was cured completely, the
dreadful disease was eradicated from my sys.
TEN, and1 have had no return of it,,
: Many have been taking local treat
ment for years, and find themselves
worse now than ever. A trial of
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
A Fortune In Cement.

An interesting story is told about a
Kansas cement mill. For years near
Mulvane there used to be a large tract
1f smoking prairie" It was good graz
ing ground, but during and after rain
1t smoked, and no n knew the cause
until! a stranger quietly bought the tract
one day and announced that he had q
fortune. The cement lies on the surface
ana IN great quantities, and is worth
w a baSTea-zNew York, Tribune.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
THE TICKLE SEA.

Ute TISEIe 0CVs
Who has heard the cod line singing DER the
bow7
Who has hauled the flashing prey across the
valet
Who has felt the wet brine stinging on the
brow
When the boat is all a.stagger meath the galei
Who has laid him in the sagging of the sail
While the masthead's nodding sleepy to the
moon,
And has slumbered till the stars grow dim
and pale?
Fill your bumpersl Join the chorus Of my
crooni
Oh, the tickle, Tuning, frolic fretting seal
Oh, the limpid, tapping, laughter loving seal
We who love her fill our glasses
To the best Of all the lasses,
And we drink q briny bumper to the seal
Who has lain upon the sloping deck awasha
Who has hauled and clewed and chanted in
Who has watched the mainmast bending niph
a.crash,
While the rival boats %a.dropping off behind ?
Who has leaned against the creaking, jolting
wheel
Through a moonlit summer night on south.
ern scar
Who has felt the old sea longing that I feelP
Fill your bumpers, men, and shout aloud
with mel
Oh, the singing, signing, salty scented seal
Oh, the rushing, roaring, ranping, raging seal
On your feet and clash your glasses,
ITO the best beloved Of lasses-
Here's a Drumming, briny bumper to the seal"
Richard Stillman Powell in Criterion.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Thousands are Trying It.

In order to prove the great merit of
E!y's Cream Balm. the most effective c"rs
for Catarrh and Cold in Head, we have pre-
pared a generous trial size for 10 cents.
Get it of your druggist or send 10 cents to
ELY BIOS, 56 Warren st., N. Y. City.
Isufcrcd from catarrh of tho wor kind
ever since q boy, "f'd | no:er hoped for
cure, but Ely's Cream Da},n sccu:s to do
even that. Many acquaintance Lave used
it with exce'ian5 resu;ts.-Dscar Ostrum,
As Warren Ave, Chicago, Ill.
Ely's Cream Balm is the acknowledged
cure for catarrh and contains no cocaine.
mercury nor my injurious drug. Price,
so cents. At druggists or by mail.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
A Shipwreck.

Muggins. gazing intently at a dead
dog, in a resigned tone at last said:
"Here is another shipwreck.
"Shipwreckl Where2" blurted out
Juggins.
"Where, my dear friendf" quoted
M. "There is a bark lost forever"
Juggins growled and passed on
London Fun.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Catarrh is
Not Incurab1e

But it. can not be cured by sprays,
washes and inhaling mixtures which
reach only the surface. The disease is
in the blood, and can only be reached
through the blood. s. s. s. is the only
remedy which can have any effect upon
Catarrh; it cures the disease perma-
nently and forever rids the system Of
every trace of the vile complaint.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Guilty Conscience.

Miss Peerseeker-Oh, baron, I would
so much like to hear you tell again
about how King Ludwig presented you
with decoration when you were q
mere little shaver, and
The Baron Barberossa-Ale edle shaw
erl I did not shave any one ven I was
leedle. I did not learn my trade until
-(recollecting himself)-dot isl did
not learn q trade at alL-Harlem Life.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18

OF Montpelier, Ohio,
writes: II was at
Aicted from infancy
with Catarrh, and no
one can know the
suffering it produces
better than I. The
sprays and washes
prescribed by the doc
tors relieved me only
tie porarily, and
though I used them
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
The Exception to the Rule.

The Exception to the Rule.
Halsted-Queer thing happened over
on the west side last night.
Wabash-What was It?
Halsted-A young man playfully
snapped an unloaded pistol at his sweet
heart, and
Wabash-And the funeral takes place
tomorrow, of course?
Halsted-No; that's where the queer
part comes in. The weapon failed to go
oH.-Chicaao News
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Mutual o-blirution,.

Parson-It's very kind Of you to
have our jeweled communion service
made without cost to us.
Jeweler-Don't mention it, parson.
It's a godsend to me to have all the
old jewelry in town melted.-Jewelers'
Weekly.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Equally CuttfnE,

"Your voice" said the commanding
officer, sis decidedly rasping."
eyes. sir, said the subordinate,
touching his hat II have been out
roughing it with q file of soldiers all
morning. Chicago Tribune.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18

The largest price ever asked and paid
for a single pearl was $3.50, 600, which
was the value of the great Tavernier
pearl 1t is the largest and most perfect
gem of its kind known. It is exactly
two inches in length and oval shaped.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
he.ObyIous

In the meanwhile there had com,
among them another the purpose o
whose thought IL was to eliminate tn
esoteric from the obvious.
SIN hard timess.st unused this person
''the people; talk Of nothing but til,
money question:"
"Well it is then they have no none,
to speak OFF, retorted the unconscioul
imbecile, thus revealing his identity
Detroit Journal.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18

The political term clark horse" orig
mated from the habit of jockeys paint
ing some fast racer in dark colors and
entering him in a race under a fictitious
name and thus winning.
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
The Old Oaken Bucket.

"The Old -Oaken Bucket" was in
spired by the following conversation:
Woodwork, the author, said to a
friend, "There is no drink better than
brandy"
The friend replied, eyes, there is
q drink from the old oaken bucket that
hangs in the well at home"
The Dickinson press., 1899-03-18
Go South
h Winter,

For the present winter season the Louisville
& Nashville Railroad Company has improved
its already nearly perfect through service of
Pullman Vestibuled Sleeping Cars and elegant
day coaches from Cincinnati Louisville, St.
Louis and Chicago, to Mobile, New Orleans and
the Gulf Coast, Thompsonyille, Ga. Pensacola,
Jacksonville, Tampa, Palm Beach and other
points in Florida. Perfect connection will be
made with steamer lines for Cuba, Porto Rico,
Nassau and West Indian ports. Tourists and
Home. Seekers excursion tickets on sale at low
rates. Write C.P. Atmore, General Passenger
Agent, Louisville, KY, for particulars.