The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-04-18
AS SEEN BY A SWEDISH WIT
AMERICA DESCRIBED IN A HU-
MoRoUS LECTURE.
Only One Pompous Mountain Range
Pride In Half of a Celebrated
Waterfall-Rule of King Dollar.

| CTranslated for the Kansas City Star
What do you know about America
Not thing, Well, do not blush, my
friends. That is nothing to be asham-
ed of. OF course you are not supposed
| to be an encyclopedia. Now, however
| when America a present endeavors 10
come in rank with us and become one
of the great powers, it is not any too
! soon for the citizen with political
aspirations to get an linking of how
this wonderful country is established.
This trifing inkling l beg to be per-
! mitted to give you.
AS matter of fact l do not know
so very much of America myself But
l know something, and that is always
better than nothing, except when it
comes to practical knowledge of penal
serYitude, so be very attentive and
listen, ladies and gentlemen, and you
shall learn something
America is situated somewhere on
the other side. If you had a good pair
of Roentgen eyes and laid down on tne
floor on your stomach you probably
would be able to see it. But it would
be very queer perspective.
To be able to make the location more
clear | beg you to use your magma
tion--if you have any. Imagine your
You can then walk north until you
come into a sunny land where people
get rich. This is Canada. II you go
too far east, you will fall into the lake
This lake is called the Atlantic, but is
of very small account, as the water is
impossible for tOddy. If you go south
you will finally come to a country
where the condition of the silver mar
ket is inconsOlable. You are then in
Mexico. If you at last go west you will
also fall in the lake. This is another
lake, called the Pacific. but neither can
that water be used for toddv.
America was discovered by George
Washington. This famous youth COM
menced his career by chopping down his
fathers pear trees. for which great
deed he. for unknown reasons, received
special concentrations in the Sunday
school books. This queer state of
things suggested to me very early the
suspicion that those books were not in
tended, as it reads on the slate pencil
boxes, for good children" At one time
he had a whole cargo of tea thrown
overheard in Boston harbor which
would have been very sensibly done If
the water had only been sweep and
warm. AS it was, it only went to prove
that Washington would have been q
total failure as superintendent of
chophouse. He seems to have dis
covered this fact himself. because
sometime after this lie went back to
his first love and again used the ax-the
war AK Good old Washington was al
ways a chopper, At last he became
president and has now got his picture
on a postage stamp.
At that time America was inhabited
for the greater part by Indians. Those
picturesque beings had a mania for
gathering big collections of scalps
which at last became a nuisance. To
prevent this Washington enacted the
vagrancy law, and had the Indians ar
rested. Some of them We're made pres
ents to the famous writer. Cooper, who
from them made many good and cheap
books The others were entertained
with arrest in their own room without
hard labor.
Now I will endeavor to show you
how America is divided. A map of this
wonderful county. to a great extent,
resembles a chessboard. Those squares
are called states. When those situated
in the north are called northern states,
what, then, are those called situated in
the south? You see, it is always good
in a lecture of this kind to bring up
such brainy questions.
Correctly answered. Scarcely had
old Washington laid his tired ak to
rest and Abraham Lincoln climbed up
on the throne before a wrangle COM
menced between the north and south.
The southern states had colored
gentleman by the name of Uncle Tom,
who sawed wood anu BACKED boots for
them at ridiculously low price, while
the northern states at that time had
to pay ministers wages to their servant
girls. This state of things aroused the
jealousy of the northern states and it
did not take long before they were
after each others scalps. This very
modest brawl made John Ericsson