The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-11-04

Took Latin an Greek year in an
Year out ever since l was knee
High to a duck,
An don't you think no different.
When L wuZ a boy we didn't
Have no frHls on our schoolin'.
We give the young uns what they needed.
When a boy got SO he could
Read the New York Weekly Trybune an
Cipher an write a fair hand
He graduated mighty quicl, an
Started in to earn his board an keep.
l may say that l account for my
Success in life an my all-round
Ability TO get the long end of a trade
On the grounds. by ginger, that when
/ wuZ young l didn't learn
Lot of hifalutin' ~tomfoolery.
1t does seem 10 me the schools
These days is run by a pack of
Sap-heads. F'rinstance-
As soon as young uns are big enough
To waddle they set EN- 10 work
In what they call a kindergarten,
Buildin' block houses an DRAWN
PlckcherS an SO on-the derEdest
Mess of tommy-rot you could imagine
Then, when they're a little older,
They start 'em into readin' before
They even learn EN- their A b Cs.
If that amt a fact I'll eat my hat.
Now, | claim. as a practical man,
That the only way TO break in a
child TO read!n' is just to learn 'em
The alphabet. then the a-b-abs
An the short words, an then after
That let EN- tackle the short
Sentences, graduley workin' up to
Ossian's Address to the Sun.
That's what | done.
The Lord Harry only knows what
They don't nave the children
Do these days, though.
l says TO my sisters little girl, Mile,
The other day. | says to her: What
Are YOU takin' at school now, Millie?'
An she said she was takin'-
Well. l can't begin to tell you.
Only | remember two, Spanish an
Physiology. | says: For the and's
Sake, what does a girl no bigger'n a bag
O. salt
Want to learn to jabber
That stuff for? Amt United States good
enough
For you?' l says. What the use of
waStin'
Your time learnin' TO talk that?' 1 says.
Furthermore, l don't like the Spanish,
An wouldn't care to talk to EN-.
An as far as
The other thing wuZ concerned, i'll
Had a daughter | wouldn't want her
To be studyin' about livers an lights
An all such entrails, becuz them
Things don't concern girls. It's all
Right for d doctor to know about
in'ards an What they're for. but
A girl had a dog goned sight better
Learn how to keep house an cook,
Sot when she gets married she
Can help her husband save money.
But what | started out to say
WuZ thiS-I sec by the papers
That the teachers amt allowed to
Punish the scholars any mUre.
They made EN- stop uSin' the CAD
Some time ago, an now they go
So far as to say that the children
Must learn self government.
What do you think of that?
Self-SoVerl menti II other words,
Let the children be their own bosses.
I'd like to know v hat kind of an
Did granny got up that rule.
L know. an you know, that there's
Some boys that need a good thrashin'
Now an then. just the same as me
An you need our meals.
1t seems to regulate an tone the
System for EN-. Spare the rod
An spoil the child They never
Spared it on me-. l used to get
1t laid across my back regular
With a hickory derned near big
Enough for a fence post. l used to
Have wells up an down my legs
An be black an blue most o. the time.
After | got it at school I'd. go home
An the old man'd do it all over again.
There's nothin' like a good larrupin'
Two or three times a week to
Tougher up a boy an sort O. keep
The orneriness busted out O. him.
got so | used to expect it,
An # | went a whole week
Without gettin' my jacket tanned
| wuZ sort o restless. a good
Deal like a horse that feels
His oats an wants to get out Of
His box stall an cavort around
Through the lot for awhile.
The teacher seemed to know what
1 needed whenever I'd begin TO
Act a little Gag y, so he used to
Go for me about once a week
Whether he had any good Excuse or not.
He just licked me on general
Principles. knowin' mighty well that,
Even il he couldn't ketch me in any
ii was only fair TO conclude
I'd been up to Somethin' that
He didn't know anything about:
An I'm free to say he didn't very
Often get in a lick amiss.
There wuZn't any woman could teach
That school. 1t took a full hand
A man didn't have to know very much,
But If he wuzn't a good wras'ler
A great big hulk Ueighin' about one-eighty
An then get him down into a corner
An haste MIN till he hollered: Enough
Well, he didn't have no call TO
Try to teach the young idee how
shoot around in them parts.
We didn't try any self-gover'ment
experiments, i can tel you tnat.
The first day O. school the teacher
Licked the biggest boy or got
an after hat we either
Knew who wuZ boss or else
let out till the board
Couiu hunt up a heavier man
a teacher.
An now. by thunder, if a teacher lay
A finger on a boy for some piece of
they get the law on him;
The school board fires him an
says he's a brute.
What are We comm TO-?
DO you think I'd be the man
| am to-day If l hadn't got some
Sense pounded into me when l wuz youug?
No. sirt
It's a mighty good thing l amt on
The school board.
be a change O. teacher
around next Monday.
put in some ab!e-bodied men,
before Monday r'sh: there's many
A poor neglected child right in this
Town that'd be settin' ~sideways."
chicago Daily Record.