davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Too Suggestive of Luxury.

Doctor, said the member of parlia- ment for rural district, ''are you sure it's gout that has attacked me?"
 Positive. But you needn't be alarm ed. It IS nothing very serious.
 Doctor, you don't appreciate the situation You don't know what prej- udice against gout there is in my Gom- munity. l don't ask you to do anything contrary to your conscience, but if l manage to get the story started that l caught my too in piece of machinery think of my prospects and the welfare of your country and don't coDtradict it "-London " Tit-Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Titles for Officials.

Why does every official who digs his nose into the government trough to the extent of $4,OOO or 5000 per year have a handle to his name? The Assistant Secretaries of the various departments are never called by their proper names. It is always MT. Secretary"
 The chief of a $2,00O bureau is never addressed as Mir. Jones or MT. Smith. but as Chief" The Vice President is not addressed as his station implies, but always as "Mr President" The First, Second, Third and Fourth As sistant Postmaster Generals are "Gen- eral." In and out of office they are ad- dressed as Such.-New York World.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
ON HE OPEN TRAIL.

This paltry earth and the low hung sky. Like a little tent around 1t. Too cramped find to feel at home, Too cramped I always found 1t. Since was ever a vagabond.
 vagrant-foot and rover. Oh. give me the width of the skies to roam When my earthly days are over! Let me out where worlds the milestones
 are.
 Where the unresting stars walkmy way Out out where man has elbow room To travel his old time highway! And when the journey is done God grant That one lone inn find me Where I may enter and greet but her And close the door behind mel Arthur J. Strfnger in Ainslee's Maga- zine.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
~OO~~~~>~

Slason Thompson Is preparing an au- thoritative biography of Eugene Field whose personal friend he was. It will be issued by the Scribners.
 Longfellow was especially fond of presiding over the teapot at his own table, and always made the tea for his family and guests s-making 1t we'll, too.
 A new story by Charlotte NJ. Yonge is entitled "The Patriots of Palestine, a Story of the Maccabees;" and, as it's title implies, it has a Scriptural back ground.
 Susan Hale's book, "Men and Man ners of the Eighteenth Century" shows in very interesting way the contrast between the life and customs of those days and of these.
 A new literary aspirant is New York society girl whose pen name is Cora Maynard, and who is the author of ''The Letter and the Spirit" She is planning a novel in the line of Mrs. Burton Harrison's work.
 1chld, tue nloIOAlCdl IOludACJ Uy Robert Barr, deals with events of the fourteenth century. It has been con- pared to the masterpieces of Anthony Hope, Conan Doyle and Stanley Wey- man.
 Richard Harding Davis growing popularity is apparent from the follow ing record of the sale of his books: "The Kings Jackal," 25,0OO; Soldiers of Fortune" 5S,OOO; Gallagher, and Other Stories," 40,000; Cinderella, and Other Stories" 13,OOO; making a total of almost 136,O00 copies.
 Paul Leicester Ford, who is now in Europe, left behind him the manuscript of a volume of short stories, written in a light and humorous vein, and contain ing also two plays planned for amateur performances, entitled 1.-The Best Laid Plans" and Man Proposes" The book will be called "Tattle Tales of Cupid"
 James Whitcomb Riley thinks the lot of a poet hard one. In a recent in. terview he said: If you're called as witness in a lawsuit some little attor. ney squares himself off and says, with whitening scorn: Let me see, you're poet, are you not? H'm, yes. Gentle. men of the jury, the witness is poet and your testimony is killed dead as door nail"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

A writer in the Forum, who an- nounces himself as having been a tramp. with no literary or sociOlog- ical motives" defines and differentiates that particular genus as follows: "A tramp is not a hobo; hobo is not a tramp; a vagrant is neither, and a criminal is none of these" The tramp's sole object in life is to "have a little fun" but without that work which most of us find a necessary prelude to true enjoyment. Work he despises, and not even the bangs of hunger will induce him to engage in 1t when it is made preliminary to promised meal. The hobo Is, in most cases, a man who Is driven to the road from want of that which the tramp loathes-work. He Is a victim of circumstances, and not a social parasite. The vagrant is a loafer in towns and cities so long as he finds 1t safe and profitable. He is often, a "grafter'-that is, a creature who stimulates lameness and cutaneous diseases in order to excite pity and charity, and Is apt to be addicted either to drink or opium. The hobo is never "grafter;;" the tramp rarely. The writer thinks "the tramp should be given up as hopeless" to be helped or denied, as those to whom he appeals may feel inclined. But he pleads for the hobo. 'He is young" he says; 'he can work; he is inclined to work" !" Manhood and self-respect are not dead within him, and sympathy and oppor- tunity given him may save for society a worthy member.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

The main plaza of San Juan, Porto Rico, recently saw strangely unwont- ed sight-the presentation of American flags to the various schools of the city. Principals, teachers, scholars-even the small lads of the orphan asylum-all were there. Marching at the head Of each school was a youthful and-who can doubt?-supremely proud bearer or the standard-the emblem of new hopes, aspirations and wider possibili- ties. There are, 1t is stated, six hun dred schools-public and private-on the island and to each a flag is to be given. Is 1t too much to hope that, in due season, childish voices will make its significance vocal in mind and heart?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

A Havana paper, the Discussion, de scribes the finding of fifty human skele- tons In we'll near Maguito, Cuba, and says that their attitude and appear ances were such as to convey the i'm pressiOn that the persons were thrown says that the remains of between two and three hundred people were found in 8 we'll near Matanzas. Thus the evi- dence accumulates that the United States was justified in kicking the Spaniards out of the island and ending the reign of mediaeval barbarity at our doors.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

though the court has made an initial order for the opening of the coffin other courts have interposed, and now it is announced that an act of parliament will be necessary to authorize the pro- ceeding. If the case had been reversed will anyone doubt the result? Would an act of parliament have been necessary to open a commoner's coffin? And in the meantime will anyone doubt that the Duke in possession will take adyan- tage of the delay to arrange for body to be found in the coffin, providing 1t does not contain one already?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
FRENCH MARRIAGES.
Personal Wishes of Girls Are Now
 Considered.


 Considered.
 Miss Anna l.. Bicknell is an English lady who has had most unusual oppor- tunities for studying French life. For 6 number of years she was governess in the household of Napoleon III., and resided in the Tuileries. For the Gen. tury Miss Bicknell has written an ar ticle on French Wives and Mothers" in which she says:
 The old marriage de convenance, which caused so much sorrow and con- sequent evil in former days, when a girl was taken out of a convent to be shown the man to whom she was about to be married, Is now a thing of the past. It must be acknowledged, how ever, that marriages are still made up, often too hastily and superfcially, by nicely balanced family arrangements and by the intervention of friends. Nevertheless, attraction and repulsiOn are now taken into consideration, and a girl is no longer forced to marry a man whom she positively disliked. could quote instances in the very high est (historicaD aristocracy where, at the last moment, after the rousseau had been sent in (marked, according to custom, with the united initial letters of the two names elaborately embroi- dered) and all the social preparations made, the marriage was broken off be- cause the bride had declared that she could not "get accustomed" to the bridegroom, nor endure the idea of see ing his face in her home during her natural life. In one of these instances the family lamentations over the ini- tials of the trousseau were really anus ing. Fortunately, a substitute was soon found, whose name, like that of the rejected suitor, began with an X, and the complications were thus happi- ly settled.
 The great object of the French girls life Is marriage. From the time of her birth her parents have prepared for this event, and in many cases they have considerably straitened their income and curtaHed their enjoyment to make up her dot. Every girl in every class is expected to have something; those who have nothing are exceptions, and constitute minority of old maids. The girls who from choice do not marry generally become nuns, usually much against the wishes of their parents. The old tales of young women being forced into convents to improve their position of their brothers are forgotten in these days, when, while no child can on any pretense be deprived of share in the fathers inheritance, mOnastic vows are not recognized by law Nuns and spinsters are exceptions; marriage is the rule.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
English justice has long been landed

English justice has long been Iauded especially by American Anglomani- acs-as ideal. And as between two commOners the British courts undoubt- edly dispense a good article of justice
 But when lord or a nObleman of high CT rank Is involved it is different The sensational suit against the Duke of Portland illustrates the point. The Dukes title is challenged by Sidney Druce, a sailor, who may or may not be another Arthur Orton. Druce claims to be the real duke, and, without going into details, the case may be said to hinge upon one fact: Whether certain coffin contains the body of the fifth Duke of Portland, or whether 1t is filled with bricks. In the latter case Druce's case will be greatly strengthened. But
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

What is most exasperating about the cases of insanity among convicts caused by idleness is the fact that prison labor can be arranged so as to make the competition with free labor Insignificant. By conforming convicts 70 idleness in order to prevent such competition, society imposes cruel and inhuman punishment on prisoners. The supporting of convicts at public ex- pense is more of a burden on labor than the competition would be if the labor should be diversified.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

No one can study the food supply of the British isles without feeling certain that English statesmen will always go to extreme lengths to prevent war or serious trouble of any kind with the United States. They must avoid, at all hazards, the loss of American food for the swarming millions of British cities.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
He Wasn't Prepared.

"Would you advise me to take an ocean trip, doctor?" asked the invalid.
 "No," was the reply; ''I think series of mud baths would benefit you more:'
 "But, doctor" said the sick man. in tones that savored of hopelessness and despair, II can't afford to go into poli- ties"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Bible Kisses.

There are eight kinds of kisses men, toned in scripture: Salutation q Sam. xxx. fl, Thess. V. 26); valediction (Ruth 1. 9; reconciliation c Sam. xiv. 33); subjection Ps. ii. 12); approbation (Prov. xxiv. 26); adoration q Kings xiv. 1S); treachery (Matt. xvi. 49; affec- tion (Gen. xiv. 15).
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
His Indepeudence.

What a bad cold you have, Rene dict!"
 "Yes; my mother-in-law got to dicta- ting when the family should put their winter f1annels on."
 "Did you put yours on?'
 "No-that's 1t. I had them on, and when she got so arbitrary I went and took them off."-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

A man who got tired of carrying around $450,000,O00 in greenbacks and bonds applied at the Chicago subtreas- ury for relief and was respectfully re- ferred to the banks. Merely as m ex- pertinent a great many people would not object to having tired feeling" of that kind for time.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

An agrIculturist Is advocating the treatment of country roads with pc troleum. If by this means its use can be diverted from the lighting of kitchen fires the experiment would be worthy of announcement.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Not at All Modest.

Sniff-What kind of a fellow is this man, Bumpshun? It strikes me that he is disgustingly in love with himself.
 Snarle-He Is. Thinks he's a great figure in the world. He believes that when he builds a good fire in his sit ting room stove the cold wave will immediately get out of the State.- Punk
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

A s54iety has been formed in Paris whose business it will be to furnish a fourteenth guest for dinner parties numbering thirteen guests. Alas, how seriously those frivolous Parisians take the little amenities of life.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

A New York clergyman recently chose as the subject of his Sunday ad- dress, What Is a Fool?" If he really wants to know 1t might be suggested that some of them are trying to draw packed houses with sensational 'ser- mons," and more of them are paying big money for the alleged religion which such preachers foist upon them.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
A Powerful Agent.

"Talk about the police being incapa- ble," said he; Hook how quickly they have broken up that crowd. It is melt ing like Ice before furnace"
 You are mistaken, my friend" re- piled the man of observation, "there Is not a policeman in sight"
 What is 1t, thenY
 Merely an outdoor entertainment of some kind and one of the performers is just going round with the hat Tit Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Queer things: In England a candi- date stands" for an office; in this country he runs" The suppositiOn is that with us any man who waits for an office to run after him might have to wait for long time.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
me PIumberrs Reveuee.

"Why don't you paragraphers give us a rest" said the plumber to the funny man, as he presented his bill.
 ''You evidently intended to say, Why don't we give you the rest?'" re- piled the funny man, as he glanced at the figures.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

If anybody is in doubt as to when the twentieth century begins let him borrow on his note payable on the first day of the new century. The bank will dn the rest
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Smith-Did you notice that peculiar sign on the door we just passed?
 Jones-NO; what was it?
 Smith-Orphans court.
 Jones-I fail to see anything peculiar about that. Orphans have as much tight to court as other people, haven't they?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

The author of Just Break the News to Mother" who made $20,OO0 off that production, may well say. "I care not who makes the laws of a people, if l may write their songs"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Water from the Jordan.

An establishment has been opened in Paris for the sale of the water of the River Jordan for baptism, when the parents desire to use it, and can afford to purchase it.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
On the Street.

Upton-Your son has gone to specula- ting in stocks, l hear?
 DOwntown-Yes; mighty smart boy George is, can tell you.
 "Doing well, ehT'
 'Splendidly! Wonderfully! He's been on the street for three months and isn't broke yet"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
A Bad Actor.

Old HOrsey-It seems to me that young man of yours Is very slow get. ting away nights.
 Maud HOrsey-He is bit kittenish, father; he was at the post thirty-tive minutes last night, but I didn't have the heart to rule him Off.-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
The Hero-in-Chief.

Little Edgar-Papa, who was the greatest hero of the war?
 Papa-Captain Bibbleson, l guess. His magazine story is three pages longer than any of the rest of them have written.-Chicago News.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

It is said the Queen Regent has or dered an American elevator for the roy al castle. Uncle Sam will not be averse to giving Spain a lift, even if it did make itself a little obnoxious for a while
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Often the Way.

''They kept company for long time before they were married"
 "Yes, and they've kept it most of the time since. Her relatives seem bound to live on them"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
A Harsh Criticism.

Miss Piper is very proud of her voice"
 ''I should say so. There's the sound of a crow every time she sings"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
The Only Safe Way,

She-I don't see why they keep women out of secret societies.
 He-Plain enough. To keep the se- cretS in.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Ra;sed That Way

"He seems bred to be a loafer." ''Then he should not be kneaded." ''Still, there's one good thing about him-he has the tin."
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Every woman has a vague idea that all her husband does every day is to open his office, read. smoke and count bis money.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

It is now understood that Don Carlos is ready to take the throne just as soon as somebody else has performed the menial labor of conducting a revolu- ton.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
It Wasn't Like Her.

Husband-What's that you are read ing?
 Wife-Its a letter from mother. Husband-And what does she say? Wife-Oh, not much of anything. Husband-You are trying to deceive me. It's cold day when your mother hasn't anything much to say.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Every time girl visits at house the men folks are kept in dazed con. dition trying to figure out how she got 60 many clothes into one little trunk
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
 VARIOUS HUMORlSTS.

Pleasant Incidents Occurring the World Over - Say!ngs that Are Cheerful to the Old or Young-Fun- ny Selections that You Will Enjoy.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Enforced likeness is assigned as the cause of six New York convicts going insane. Weary Willie remarks that he has heard of people going crazy with
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Modern methods of advanced instruc- ton in our schools have changed the three R's to the three H's-the hand, the head, the heart.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
A Highly Colored Affair:

What lot of bashful girls there were at Miss Budd's yesterday after noon, and how they all bl-1shed."
 "Of course they did. Wasn't 1t pink te9?'
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
In Kansas,

First Citizen-I heard he got to be a road agent"
 Second CitiZen-"Worse than that! Ae's a railroad agent."-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

The Eastern man who killed himself to avoid being married must have been pursued by a widow. There are less desperate ways of escaping a maiden.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

It has been said by a great thinker that money Is the great trouble in America" and yet most everybody is out hunting trouble.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
So They Do,

"Mrs. Puffy has such fine figure, one can hardly judge of her age. But I believe she's older than she looks"
 ''So, you believe that, after all, fig. ures do sometimes lie"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
His Exnerience.

Cooks" said the suburbanite, "may be divided into two classes-those who resent criticism and those who ignore it."-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
A Sliuhf MiafaLA

"An elephant" dictated the editor fond of quoting curious little items of information, ''has over nine hundred muscles in its trunk"
 But either the typewriter's hearing or her system of photography was defect i've, for the next morning out came the extremely startling piece of intelli- gence:
 Ann Oliphant has over nine hundred bustles in her trunk"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Some men are so dignified that they never unbend until they are dead broke.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
No One to Dun Him.

"The man who pays as he goes has one advantage over the other fellow" What's that?'
 ''He can rest when he gets there. ."- Puck
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
He Wanted to Know.

The Doctor-Always sleep with your head to the south.
 Mulcahey-And phwich way will Oi put me fate?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
ST. JOINS HERALD
PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY

They don't call 1t the problem play iR Paris; they refer to il as a character study.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
In Her Line.

"My girl received New Years calls from lots of men she never saw"
 "She does? Why, should think" "Oh, that's all right. She works in a telephone office"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

It isn't likely that Solomon succeed ed in convincing all his wives that a word to the wise was sufficient
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
One Left.

"How do you like your new cook?' "Oh, so, so. She is dirty, she has no idea of cooking, and she smashes every thing around her; but still she has one good and rare quality"
 What is that"
 "She stays with s."-Fliegende Blat-
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
A Wise Fellow.

Miss Fourleaf-Are you marrying me for myself alone?
 Bricktop-You bet. Don't get 1t into your head for a minute that I'm marry ing you for your father or mother, or any of your poor relations.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Another SuHerer

I-was injured, ma'am. by the burst ing of a magazine" said the wayworn tourist who was eating cold luncheon in the kitchen.
 ''In the warp
 'No, ma'am," he answered. "In New York city. The silent partner refused to put up for 1t any longer. was one of the editors"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

A bug exterminator that doesn't ex- terminate Is a hum-bug.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

He-The proposal I have to make could wait, but"
 She-Well-a-er-wh
 Tt Is said that now is the accepted time.' Is itF"
 It was,
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
ell Received.

Ottinger-HOw did old Manyblessed take 1t, last night, when you told him you wished to marry his eldest daugh- for2
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
He Was HNexfO

Smith-Smart Is a pretty slick indi- vidual, but I managed to get ahead of him to-day.
 Brown-How did you do It?
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Rraverr His Business.

"Did you tell that young man that there are micro bes in a kiss?" said Maud.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

"Yes," answered Mamie. "But he has a reputation to sustain as hero. He doesn't dare be afraid of anything" Washington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
She Proved If.

1ICHIIqucS T IdIntI IHIdS IHt HH W ISLI- ed that was MOrmon.-Puck.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Which One GovernsI

"Now, then, government by conjunc- ton"
 You mean government by injunc- tion."
 'No, don't; was thinking of matri- mony."
 "Ohr'-Indianapolis Journal. =
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01
Of Course They Have.

"Ohr-Indianapolis Journal.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Slason Thompson Is preparing an au- thoritative biography of Eugene Field, whose personal friend he was. It will be issued by the Scribners.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-04-01

Smith-By getting to the barber shoI first.