Evening star., 1899-01-28
Mr.. 'JOBSON HAS GRIP

MH. 'JObSON HAS GRiP
couple of months ago. when the grip
epidemic got its first clutch of the season
on the Washington populace, and nothing
but grip was talked by all hands here
| abouts. morning, noon and night, Mr.. job
son delivered himself on the subject of
grip to Mrs. Jobson.
This paper" he said laying down The
Star, has got today a list of about fifty
important people of this town who are
down in their beds. sick, and all of 'e1n are
| stated to have what's called the grip
| Besides this, the paper says that the whole
| town is full of grip just now, and that
| there are several hundred cases of it on
file today. All of which, Mrs. Jobson,
| breeds within me a large, rectangular pain.
| The papers not to biame, of course. The
people that think they We got the grip tell
the paper so, and the paper has TO take
| their word for it. Grip! Mrs. Jobson, L
| want to go on record as saying-and sci
! ence will vindieate me in the course of
! time-that this grip business is pure, un-
| auuIterated rad. L don't believe there's
any such thing as grip These people get
sniffiy and eye-watery and their heads be-
come blockaoed from a bit of a cold IA the
| head, or else they take into their systems
a little more malara than can be chased
out by the use of dimes worth or quiz
| nine, and. 10 and behold! they give it out
| to everybody tharlf listen TO en- that
| they've got the grip! 1t produces within
| me an ache, that's what it does, Mrs job
| son.
| But, surely, you remember what ter
| rible time l had of it for three weeks with
| the grip two winters agoF demonstrated
| Mrs. Jobson.
| No, ! don't remember anything of the
| kind Mrs. Jobson,' replied Mr.. Jobson,
| sternly. Il recall that you were in bed
| for few days owing to mild attack OF
| malariaI fever, combined with cod and
| enects of an inerdinate appetite. 1
| yielded to you at the time out of pure good
nature. when you called your Simple ali
| ment the grip. But all the samee, L knew
| then just as W .il as 1 know now, that
you didn't have any grip, and that there
| wasn't any such a crazy, tool thhs III
| existence as grip
| We'll, hope you don't get 1t, that's all,
muttered Mrs. Jobson under her breath,
| and Mr. Jobson went on reading his paper.
| Two evenings later, when Mr.. JoDson
| came home from his office, he was just
| about able to totter. There were dark CIR
| cles under his eyes, his complexion was OF
! a subdued sea-green. his forehead was dahh
| and caammy, and his hands shook. Mrs.
! Jobson met him at the vestibule door.
why, what ails you, Edward" she said
at once, sympatheucally; you look dread
| FUR
oh nothing, said Mr. Jobson, with a
| dismal attempt at deadgame airiness. Got
| the typhoid fever, that's ALL Dead easy to
| see it, isn't it?-'3 g..
| oh no; guess it's not typhoid fever"
| said Mrs. Jobson, reassurfngly. Just
little touch If the prevailing grip, that's"
| Grip, rothing:" retorted Mr. Jobson.
savagely. You remember what l said
about the grip the other night, don't you,
| Mrs. Jobson. Well, neither You nor any
body elsa can make me eat my words.
There's no such thing as grip I've got
| typhoid malaria, or typhoid fever, and
that's all there is about it. What's more,
| think this is Just about my fnish' -
| Then Mrs. Jobson tucked him into bed
and he groaned dismally until the doctor
| came.
How dye feel, old mann inquired the
DOCTOR an old friend, when he entered the
room. Describe your sensations
| We'll, III tell you what. doe" replied
| Mr.. Jo5son, this is new one me, and
| that's a fact, L feel like Bulgarian back
| sheesh, that's how / feel, seeing that you
| want to know. I've forgot just how many
| bones there are in the human carcass, but
| I'll bet you a hat I've got six different
| kinds o. aches in every one of 'em. And
I'm burning up inside and as cold as ice
! outside. What's more, l don't care wheth-
! er school Keeps or not. Don't care whether
| ever get this house paid for or not. Don't
| want to eat. Don't want to smoke Can't
| sleep. Can't drink. Can't do nothing.
| Don't want nothing"
| The doctor smiled
! Little dose of the grip, that's all, old
| man." said the doctor, and then a sulky
| look came into Mr.. Jobson's eyes.
Say said he, while the doctor was writ
| ing his prescriptions, Il didn't think you'd
| try to spring that kind of a fake on me-
w nat kind OF a fake?' inqu red the medi-
| cal man.. looking up in surprise
| That grip fake" said Mr.. Jobson. "You
don't mean to tell me that you, a man of
| more than ordinary medical intelligence,
| take any stock in this blooming grip fad,
| do you?''
Well said the doctor, smiling cit would
| be mighty good thing for several hun
| dreds of thousands of people in this coun-
| try If the grip were either fake or a fad.
| It's about the realest thing. however.
know OF in the way of current diseases.
! It keeps "A good many of US guessing, too,
| as to the proper handling of it, it has so
many devtlish phases"
Then the doctor, after a few instructions,
| left his prescriptions and departed.
| When Mrs. Jobson entered the sick cham
| Der Mr.. Jobson had his face turned toward
| the wall.
What did the doctor say the trouble was,
Edward?'' she asked her husband
Mr.. Jobson turned and looked at her with
| an angelic smile on his face.
He says Cora, that 1 have the grip and
l guess have" replied Mr.. Jobson in meek
torres.
The angelic smile, the meek tones and the
I complete surrender scared Mrs. Jobson. 1t
was all SO unlike her husband that she did
not think he had long to live, and she
nursed him frenZiedly for eight days. when
he able to put on his bath robe and
go downstairs to receive his friends.
Il tell you what, I've been having a
pretty bad rassle with the grip" said Mr..
Jobson to his friends. 1T was my first
dose of 1t. I've known for years that 1t
was bad job, grip. and my wife came near
to her finish with it couple of years ago.
For that reason-because she has a very
fertile Imagination. and she's always wait
ing for second attack-Pve always tried
to make her believe that didn't take any
stock whatever in grip Now that I've just
pulled through such a bad dose of it my
self however. 1 can't any longer hide it
from her that I've been aware of the seri-
BUSINESS of grip ever since it first struck
this country"
How the Judge Matched Quarters.
From the New Haven Leader.
DR.. Chauncey NJ. Depew, Judge Henry E.
Howland of New York and Rev. ]. H.
Twichell of Hartford-the same Joe Twich- |
ell figures in SO many of the Mark Twain |