Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-03-19
DOMESTIC ECONOMY.
HOW A GOOD WOMAN MANAGES A
n,seu DINNER PARTY.
NOTHING WHATEVER IS WASTED,
Though the Husbands stupidity May
Cause Some Little Hitches-,Iental
Meanderings Along Matrimonial
Lines-Murder and Poetry.

About once n month we have company
az dinner-"quality people" TO whom the
rise in the price OF eggs is a matter OF
small concern-and when these folk ap-
pear on the scene OF action / have TO be
on my p's and as. The COMMANDMENTS
Chief, though usually pugnaciously par
simonious with hucksters and green-gro-
GERS, occasionally likes TO let herself
loose and spread a meal III 10 tempt the
gods. One would CINE that these in
termttent festivities would fill me with
JOY, but such is not the case. Long be-
forehand I am forewarned and posted as
to what my duties must be when I act
as host. Various sins Of omission and
commission are pointed out to me- and
my functions are so clearly defined that
any departure therefrom would Justify
my condemnation in the severest terms.
For instance, / am told beforehand that
must decline the green peas-an expen-
sive luxury at this season of the year
and when the ange-food cake is passed
TO me l must refuse the same on grounds
OF dyspepsia. Above all things. am eau
toned TO show neither surprise nor de-
light when l espy some new edible which
is beyond my reach on ordinary occa-
sions. l am likewise enjoined to gaze
with a cold. stony stare Of Indifference
on such trihes as pickles, horse-radishes,
celery. tomato catsup. and currant jelly.
IN other words. I'm required to act Ike
have these things every day, whereas
between us, gals. l never so much as
smell 'em on ordinary occasions.
Nothing more infuriates the Command
er-in-Chief than for me TO mistake the
butter-plates for everyday grub-plates.
Some weeks ago We had with us a lady
who is used TO everything nice" (as our
household boss expresses iO, and | had
been warned to use the utmost crcum-
spection in my table manners. To this
distinguished visitor / exhibited that bluff
hospitality which we think is the right
thing up in the county. but when |
snatched the lady's butter-plate and
plunked a great big dab of cabbage there
In ! saw the COmmander-in-Chief brlstle
There are times when the more silently a
woman goes about her bristling the more
dangerous she is. This was one Of those
times. IL didn't take me minute to see
that | had run up against snag. Hop
Ing 10 recover myself | apoogiZed by ex-
planning that the waiting maid had mad
vertently put the dessert platss on the
table too soon, and that hadn't noticed
her blunder at first. Seeing the steely
eye Of the Commander-in-C Chief riveted on
me like the edge OF a hair-spltting razor
! supplemented this statement by an
other apology for the girl. who. explain
ed. hadn't learned her duties well. as she
had only been hired for this occasion
You couldn't have broken the ensuing
silence with an axe
II was n time for tact but not for She
attack which | knew would follow the
guests Departure. and | could see the
Commander-in-Ch thinker thinking
mighty think. Finally. knew she had an
idea. In the most suave. careless. caress-
ing tones she said: William. / tell YOU
again. you must consult an oculist about
your eyes. You're getting blind as "A bat
First, you mistake the butter-plates for
the dessert-plates, and a minute later You
fail TO recognize a housegir who has
been with us eight months Now. prom
ise me you won't neglect your eyes an
other day"
When / get chuckle-headed there's no
use trying to chisel anything into my CO.
coanut. Would you believe it, | was that
stupid that even then l couldn't take the
cue. | swOre the woman had never be-
fore accused me Of r-sightedness. and
that my eyes were so good / could stand
in the Capitol Square and see a tick
crawling on a NORWOOD fence in Han
over. To make matters worse, / persist
ed in asserting that the hired girl had
been procured for that day only.
Then the 'rOmmander-in-Chief. with
sparks flying from the fuse OF her dyna-
mite temper gave up in despair and drop
ped the subject. Meanwhile. our guest,
who was used TO everything nice" in
great embarrassment grazed on a branch
Of celery and ate so much Of that vegeta-
bic that l was reminded of a giraffe re-
calling itself on an African forest.
After more silence Of the sort which
hurts. the COmmander-in-Chief, by dnt
OF great ingenuity. turned the CONVERSE
ton to her china-press and carelessly
called attention to an antique tes-set
which descended from her grandmother.
and is the last link that binds her 10 an
past. No human being ever
leaves our house without seeing that tea
set. and being told. incidentally, that IT
was the shabbiest set the good womans
grandmother possessed.
Then we had dessert. and bearing I'm
mind the fact that we were short on the
angel-food cake. I pleaded dyspepsia. and
myself by voraciously devoUr-
ing the lemon ice, which won't keep II
any Of it is left over. Whatever keeps"
is utilized for the rest Of the week, for
after u big dinner the COMMANDMENTS
Chief invariably excuses herself and goes
20 the kitchen 10 look after the scraps.
This makes her very unpopular with the
cook. who is quite an entertainer herself.
The residuum OF a big dinner IS usually
divided and disposed VI as follows: %
Perishable debris. turned over 10 the
cook 60 perlshable hunks of stuff, appa-
rently untouched. fixed up I'm walters with
& heap Of crOckery and napkins and sent
10 the neghbOrs; CD food really untouched
and not perishable. put away and utilized
for the rest Of the week; ca dessert, put
in the tin bread-bOx and saved until the
Sunday; 90 butter left on butter
plates and elsewhere. sc0oped up and
placed beyond Identification b. being re-
turned TO its original receptacle; 90
potato peel. crumbs. nsh-bones. celery
tops. and seed from damsOn preserves,
given 10 the needy poor; 90 water. grease
spots, and salt grains remaining, free 10
all.
Some day when my heart is lighter and
I'm away from home I'll tell what the
Commander-in-Chief says 10 me when the
guests are gone. and feel like one who
treads alone some banquet hall de-
serted"
II seems 10 me that when look over
the secular newspapers of these de5ene-
rate DAYS see nothing except blood-curd-
ling stories of domestic discord and mar
ital infelicity. That's one reason I've writ