The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1899-02-08
VOL. xxx.

His hair is about the color Of pure
Peruvian guano, his eyes are cut biai
and fringed with thick growth Of
saffron hued lashes, and when Coope,
smiles it extends from ear to ear, and
you have panorama Of mouth and
good humor. I always hunt up Mr.
Cooper when in Columbia, for 1 leave
him satisfied that I have been blessed
with more than my share OF good
looks.
Then comes Col. Floyd, Adjutan'
and Inspector General. Colonial Floyd
I think, labors under the blissful hal
lucination that he is handsome man
but never was mortal more sadly mis-
taken. In fact, that critical public
might not Judge the Colonel toe
harshly, I recommended to him as
armorer Dave Alley, and besides
whom an alligator would show to ad'
vantage. Col. Floyd always reminds
me of bald headed owl, and the pc
culiar way he has of roosting on the
lower round of his chair as if he was
fixing to push some chicken off the
roost. The Colonel was gallant
soldier and lost an arm in battle. The
Yankees evidently took Floyd for an
owl and tried to wing him. I do ask
my friend Floyd to take good,
square, honest look in the glass, and
perhaps his mind will undergo a
change in regard to his personal ap-
pearance.
And then comes State Treasurer
Zimmerman. I have always given
the Doctor my ardent support when
be was q candidate for Office, for two
good and sufficient reasons. lst, I
know him to be a capable and honest
man, and would fill any position with
credit to himself and honor to the
State; and, End, when I find a man
aspiring for Office so much uglier than
myself, I always feel duty bound to
vote for him, for I never want TO see
the issue of looks brought into poll
tics. DR.. Timmerman's face is
shaped after the diagram Of claw
hammer; so much so that you could
draw ten penny nail with his coun-
tenance. If the Doctor ever runs for
office on his looks he wouldn't get
outside of his yard gate.
I have seen homely men, OF every
degree and shade of ugliness, but tour
State Treasurer blends them all.
When it comes to down right ugli-
ness, the Doctor is a gem of the
purest water. He is the right man,
too, for the right place, for no bur-
glar would dare invade our State
Treasurer's Office unless he was blind
folded. In fact, the doctor is not only
an able Treasurer, but regular time
lock on the cash drawer, for it would
take an old and desperate william to-
invade his Office with DR.. Thinner
man behind the desk.
Attorney General Bellinger is our
best looking state officer, but his
beard and head remind US of chest
nut burr. But in selecting his assis
tant, our friend, U. X. Gunter, Mr..
Bellinger had evidently in view the
idea of keeping his department on a
par of homeliness with the other
State Offices. Gunter always looks
to US as if he needed a dose OF dead
shot or vermifage, and was afflicted
with chronic case of collie. But
what Gunter lacks in looks he makes
up in ability and cleverness, and
these redeeming traits cover a multi
tude of upgainliness.
Comptroller Derham will pass
muster, but you can fire into a crowd
any circus day and kill half dozen
or more better-looking men. But
surrounded as be is by such an array
of high, grade ugliness, Mr.. Derham
shows to much better advantage
than a casual observer would think
who met him on the street. MIR.
McMahan labors under the same ad-
vantage.
Lieutenant Governor McSweeney
is another two-legged flower that was
not born to blush unseen. Deep
down in his heart McSweeney be-
lie7es himself to be handsome man;
but never did mortal labor under a
more delusive mistake. He is more
on the clay.root order OF beauty,
with an old red freezled rooster
growing on top Of it. 1t is worth a
trip to Columbia to see our lieuten-
ant governors mustache, and the
artistic way in which he parts his
hair. That mustache reminds one OF
fa II