davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
MINNESOTA HUMOR.
The picked the toowing items from Minnesota
papers, decidedly "tensh" disposition
MANI our esteemed dconten


Teacher sto neW.. scholar)--Now, Mary.
I'll give you a sin. If your father owed
the butcher s1s.f3 and the baker $l1.1s,
and the coal dealer s27os. and the land
lord $l510. how much would he have to
pay them?
Answer-I don't think he would have
to pay them anything
why not?''
Because 1 think he would move."-
Heron Lake News.
An exchange recently gave notice that
In case buggy whip was not returned to
certain place before It's next issue 1t
would publish the name Of the party who
took 1t. The place designated was the
back yard Of a certain business place.
The next morning after the notice first
came out-the night having been very
dark-seventeen whips were picked up in
the said back yard. Yet there are peo-
pie who do not believe in ADVERTISING
Delevan Herald sss4z
Did we read the story, did someone tell
1t to US, or did we dream 1t? A woman
had seven husbands: they all died, and
she buried them In a row. She erected
tombstone In the center. on which she
wanted to say. as briefly as possible, that
all or them were in heaven. She had q
hand cut in the marble pointing aloft
at the end of which were the words
sSeven-up -Hutchinso Independent.
Anoka has more practical jokers than
any city of its size going. Last week
Tuesday was Candlemas day, with its
ground hog legend A knight of the grip
was In. Anoka selling clothing to T.. G.
Mclean The subject Of ground hogs and
their shadows came up, and it was Incl
dentally remarked that there was a
ground hog in near by meat market
The travelling man asked how 1t was
captured and was informed that 1t was
dead. After selling his goods, he left the
store, walked into the meat market
sazed everywhere about him, said good
day to the proprietor. and finally asked :
you have ground hog here?" Yes
said the butcher. 81 don't see it: where
is 1t 1nterrogated the stranger. Right
there on the sausage platter came the
answer. The travelling man never said
word; but he bought cigars at whole
10 save him from becoming bankrupt
Anoka Union IfsF
Teacher (after failure in arithmetic
wen, II fish be a brain food, advise this
class to eat whale
Next day at noon. Big Boy-Well
teacher, we didn't have any fish to eat
SO went out to the granary and ate up
the scales.
Teacher-Um! I've noticed what you
said this morning was very weighty
Big Boy-O. feel pretty well balanced
-Amboy Herald
They tell a good story that is said to
have happened in a young ladies' school,
shall we say notf,a thousand miles from
Sioux Falls? A fond fathers only olive
branch Is one of the brightest and most
popular of the charming ones who make
the old walls ring with merriment. Re
Gently papa came to town to see his
darling. OF course he had many questions
to ask about her progress and must tell
how proud he was of his little one.
Yes said the principal, you ought
to be very happy. my dear sir, to be the
father of so large family, all the mem
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
LIBERTY IN THE PHILIPPINEs


Trade is the main thing: and as :,
Iollows the flag. woe to those who fire
upon that emblem of proffts-San Fran.
cisco Call
When Musidora finds the note
Her daring lover drops t her.
She scrambles for her redlngote.
AS red as some boild lobster.
When Aeteen caught Artemis. nude,
And going for her dabble.
She gave him horns for being rude.
And fed him to his rabble.
But If the nymph, on Peeping Tom.
can neither set his dogs, nor
Be sure 1T won't go further from
themselves, what chance is left her7
oh. Freedom in the torrid sea.
Surprised by Mammon, laving.
Pick up your duds and climb tree
The scandals quite past saving!
&C. L. James,
Eau Claire. Wis, March is, 1899.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
THE METAL OF THE MAINE.
dedicated to an Eagle Cast From Il
RattleShin's Shattarad CIR, i

dedicated to an Eagle Cast From the
Battleship's Shattered Gun.
They raised 1t from the sunken wreck,
The ruined battleship;
The rust was on it's giant form
The sea-weed at its lip,
And thunder from its iron throat
Would never roll again,
cannon with broken bore
The metal of the Maine
1t melted. kissing as 1t ran
To liquid in the mould.
Then. forged with force of fire and
Steam
1t sprouted wings of gold.
And rose an eagle, eyermore
Defying cage or chain,
Born of the black and battered gun.
The metal of the Maine
So from the shattered vessel sprang
A nations spirit FORTH
The allied strength of East and South.
The pow'r of West and North
In sleep our gallant sailors died,
But perished not in vain,
For victory bears upon her shield
The metal of the Maine
-Minna Irving in the Arena.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

bers Of which appear to be 30 devoted
to one another
Devoted! Lerge family" gasped the
old gentleman in amazement. What on
earth do you mean?"
why. yes, indeed" said the principal
beamingly. mo fewer than eleven of Mar
garet's (only that is not her name)
brothers have been here this winter to
take her out, and she tells me she expects
the tall one with the blue eyes again to-
morrow. Sioux Falls Press.
The editor of an exchange has discov-
cred that there is wide difference be-
tween the school books Of the present and
those of long ago. He says that when
he first went to school he read his les
son something like this: "See the cow.
Is not the cow nice? Can the cow run?
Can the COW run as fast as the horse?"
But the latest up-to-date style of read
Ing 1t by the average kid Is about as fol-
lows: "Git onto the COW. Hain't she q
butte? Sure she Is a corker. Can the cow
get move on herself? You bet she can
get move on herself. Can she hum 1t
like hoss? No, she amt in 1t wild de
hoss. s."-Inter-Lake Tribune.
A capital story is told at the expense of
local barber A few days ago a man
that had been out in the woods for sew
cEdl WcohS CdIic itltO Ills OdTDcf 3 SnOp
and settled himself in one of the luxuri-
Gus chairs.
Hair cut?" asked the barber.
YES" came the answer. and the bar
Der proceeded to the job in hand
Shaver" was the next question.
Yes" came the reply, and the barber
had Is cents more to his credit in a few
minutes.
Shampoo" The stereotyped reply was
piUan he ha MAJ hor
% cents.
Tonic was the next query put to the
easy customer-and he answered in the
affirmative with the monosyllable the
same as before.
The tonic was properly applied, and
while this part of the art was being man
ifested the successful barber was trying
to think of something else to sell his GUS
| toner, SO when the tonic had been artis-
tically applied he asked:
Singer"
yes" came the reply, again.
Here is where the disastrous part of IT
came in for both barber and customer.
And right here is where the barber show
ed himself fully as bright as the drug
gist that left a kettle of alcohol over q
gas fire back of the prescription case
while he went out in the front part of
the store to wait on q customer
The barber applied a lighted match to
his little wax taper and then applied the
lighted taper to his customers hair
The next instant the customers head
was in flames. The tonic that had been
applied was almost clear alcohol The
blaze was extinguished before the mans
skull had been burned very deeply, but
not until he was bald-headed
Oh. the wrath of the man. The barber
trembled He could not apologize The
irate customer went forthwith to the
office of lawyer and told his tale of
woe.
! Sue him, d-n him, sue him." was
/ the lawyers advice
"Ill do it," said the man. ''You go right
down and see him about it."
The attorney visited the barber and
talked the matter over The result was
that he settled with the barber for a $40
Dill, and now the barber Is busy irving
to get even for the so that he lost.-Du-
luth News-Tribune
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

and will afterward pay some family WIS.,
its in Germa ny. es- a - = - =
The king of Denmark who continues
in fairly good health, intends to stay at
Copenhagen until the beginning of May,
when he will go to Wiesbaden for a
month, after which his majesty is to pay
short visit to the Duke and Duchess of
Cumberland at their seat on the Traun
See; and toward the end of June he will
go to London on a brief visit to the
Prince and Princess of Wales
The German emperor and empress are
to spend the month of April at Homburg,
when they will occupy the Royal schloss
Emperor William intends to visit Cowes
during the regatta next week. and will
sail his yacht Meteor for the Queen s
cup, and in her new rig she will have an
excellent chance of winning that trophy.
The emperor will arrive in the Solent
from Kiel on board his yacht Hohen-
zollern Saturday. July 20, and will stay
at Cowes for a week
The king and queen of Roumania who
have been residing for several months at
Bucharest, will proceed shortly to Abba
zia for a stay of about six weeks. King
Charles and Queen Elizabeth are await
ing the return of the crown prince and
crown princess, who are now on visit
to the hereditary prince and princess of
Hohenlohe at Schloss Langenburg, in
Wurttemberg. They have been staying
at Gotha with the Duke and Duchess of
Coburg since the death of the hereditary
prince, Alfred.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

the ruined walls of the Hotel Windsor,
had his leg crushed by falling debris.
Miss Gould witnessed the accident and
had him brought into her house imme-
diately. sent for physician and herself
saw to making him more comfortable.
The charitable and Christian spirit of
Miss Helen Gould is one that should. and
does. receive the appreciation of the
thoughtful. Hers is name that will
live with those of Florence Nightingale,
Clara Barton and other prominent wom-
en- who have devoted their lives to the
cause of humanity.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
Declined with Thanks.
Omaha Bee.

OIHaHd be6.
The decision of this government not to
enter into the conflict for the possession
of territory in China is reassurine to the
conservative sentiment of the nation.
According to Washington advices the re.
cent attempt of Italy to secure conces-
sions In the Chinese empire has been re-
garded In administration circles with onIv
passive interest. The matter was report
I ed to our government by the American
minister at Pekin. but it seems NOT to
have been seriously considered by the
state department, or at all events not
to have been regarded as calling for anv
expression or action on the part of this
government.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
A WORD for s.

Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Rear Admiral SIMPSONS request that
MS name be stricken from the LIST for
promotion because it seems to 1eopareIiz.
the confirmation of the rest Of the LIST
IS most unselfish act. He is deserving
OF all the commendation that the net
can give MIN. Sampson. however. would
stand better in the graces of his co,,n-
trymen had he not sent that bombastic
dispatch on July and had he not brought
the tardy accusation of "reprehensible
conduct against Admiral Schley.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
Kipling,s Finances.

Baltimore American.
! Rudyard K1pling seldom carries monev
and never had any about his person ube,
living at Brattleboro, VT, leaving ali
nnanc1al matters to the direction of Mrs.
k1pi1ng, In whose hands he placed even
ms own income, which was then about
$4,000 a year.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

Springfield Republican.

OpI IIiS IItIU INtpuUIICdIl
The status of the isthmian canal en-
terprise during the nexe nine months will
be that of investigation, under direction
of the president, of both the Panama and
Nicaragua routes. In view of the fact
that the Panama canal is already half
aug ard, in the opinion of eminent en-
gineers. Is a practicable work, the in
structtons Of congress that 1t ea consia-
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

should be put in jail?" inquired another
girl.
NO. l don't say that" Miss Lindlev
answered, but kissing is unhygienic. un-
peasant and very disagreeable, II
should be dropped because it's not nice. "
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
THE WEATHER.
FORECAST FOR TO-DAY,


Minnesota-Fair: brisk northwest winds.
North Dakota-Fair in eastern portion;
snow and not so cold in western and
central portions; north to east winds.
South Dakota-Snow; not so cold; north
to east winds.
lOWa-Fair: north winds.
Montana-Fair; not so cold east winds.
Wisconsin-Fair; northwest winds.
ST PAUL.
Yesterdays observations, taken by the
United States weather bureau. st. Paul.
p. f. Lyons observer. for the twenty
four hours ended at Z o'clock last night.
Barometer corrected for temperature
and elevation.
Highest temperature ...... .......... %
Lowest temperature ..-... ............ II
Average temperature ........... Is
Daily range ........ .................... IL
Barometer ........... .......... ..... 80. .04
IluIulullN -.----.-- ---......... ....-..-.. i3
! p. m, temperature ................ 13
Z p. m, wind, northwest; weather, clear.
TEMPERATURES
Yesterdays observations, taken by the
United States weather bureau, Washing
ton, D. {. Minus symbol q indicates
below zero.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
Joke on Uncle Sam.

Cleveland Leader.
by authorizing the construction Of
tnree battleships and three armored
cruisers but forbidding any contracts or
.ne purchase OF any armor except on
impossible terms, congress seems to hava
1ndulged In ponderous joke.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

When Census Superintendent Merriam
announced, through the prints, that ap-
pointments in his bureau would be made
only after examination and on merit, he
was talking to the dress circle. When
he let it be given out that the senator's
and Representatives would be consulted
In the appointment of enumerat tors, he
was talking to the galleries.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

Trusts Defy Gravitatfon.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Grav1tat1on continues to be defied as
pig iron goes up.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

cred equally with the Nicaragua route
are very wise. The country has Mr.. Reed
to thank for preventing hasty action in
canal building
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

Diplomacy has been unmasked. Inter
national secrets are no longer secrets.
The boasted subtle policies" of nations
are simply to hold on to all the territory
you can gobble. and gobble all you can.
II you don't believe this, ask China.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
Horse on Them,

A Horse on Them.
Baltimore Herald
In spite OF the embalmed beef great
many gallant volunteers are snxioE. ~
stay In the army.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

The merry haZers of the Chicago Col
lege of Dental Surgery have rendered
young James j. Mount an invalid for
life. AS between hazing and whitecap-
ping the whitecappers are trife the
more chivalrous.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

A Chicago judge has decided that the
big department stores in that city have
the right to sell meat. But have they
the right to sell embalmed meat? That's
the burning question
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

The Duke of Abruzzi is going to try to
visit the north pole. He ought to be
able to saw ice with that name
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
ROYALTY RESTING.

The king and queen of Sweden are
leaving Stockholm until the middle OF
May. King Oscar goes to Paris and
thence to Biarritz. Queen Sophia is to
spend a few weeks at Honnef, near Bonn,
and will afterward pay some family Wis.,
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20
AguinaIdo's Warming.

Baltimore Herald.
Otis is now ringing his curfew bell for
Agulnaldo to get out Of the way.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

The Chicago Times-Herald prints a
picture of Sybrant Wesselius, ''the man
who made Gov. Pingree.' Has Mr.. Wes-
selius nothing to be ashamed Of?
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

Don't overlook the fact that the spring
freshet is one of the things that is bound
to boom this season
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

Gen. Otis is planning a crushing blow.
On the other hand. several people are do
ing a lot of blowing without the slight
est prospect of crushing anything.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

1t is to be hoped that the United States
will not interfere in the impending war
between Sweden and Norway-at least
not while under Republican administra-
ton.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

The whisky trust has got EN- again" /"
Sixty distilleries are said to have broken
away from it and become competitors.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

If there is any place on the map at
which the Oregon has not arrived at some
time or other, will somebody please men,
ton it?
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

However sanguine the sanguinary
Aguinaldo may have been. he must now
be realizing that he sat down to Luzon
game with Uncle Sam.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

White Thunder is on the war path out
in Nebraska. Let us hope that Black
Thunder will soon also show springlike
interest in things.
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20

The big fights in the Philippines come
off on Sundays Can't We get some legis-
lation increasing the number of Sundays
a week in Manila?
The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-20


more chivalrous.
A Chicago judge has decided that the
big department stores in that city have
the right to sell meat. But have they
the right to sell embalmed meat? That's
the burning question.
1t is to be hoped that the United States
will not interfere in the impending war
between Sweden and Norway-at least
not while under Republican administra-
ton
Gen. Otis is planning crushing blow.
On the other hand, several people are do
ing a lot of blowing without the slight
est prospect of crushing anything
The Chicago Times-Herald prints a
picture of Sybrant Wesselius, 'the man
who made Gov. Pingree." Has Mr.. Wes-
selius nothing to be ashamed Of?
However sanguine the sanguinary
Aguinaldo may have been. he must now
| be realizing that he sat down to a Luzon
| game with Uncle Sam.
White thunder Is on the war path out
! in Nebraska. Let us hope that Black
| Thunder will soon also show a springlike
| interest in things.
The big fights in the Philippines come
off on Sundays. Can't We get some legis-
lation increasing the number of Sundays
| a week in Manila?
If there is any place on the map at
which the Oregon has not arrived at some
time other, will somebody please men,
ton it?
The whisky trust has got 'em again" ;"
Sixty distilleries are said to have broken
away from it and become competitors.
The Duke of Abruzzi is going to try to
visit the north pole. He ought to be
able to saw ice with that name
Don't overlook the fact that the spring
freshet is one of the things that is bound
to boom this season
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-04-01
SOCIETY NOTICES.

---e.-s---@ss -r-~-~~~~-~--s~4
LEEMAsIA HALL. SATURDAY night. Aprli
l. ggarss ball ssrFzs Gsakssss. s4-ss sa@ey prix9.
xixea b I.AsessSFs seis3srsagssEs land, Ad-
mission. Sc.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-04-01
LEGAL NOTICES


az Ia 81 PERfoR COURT oF- .Yssp
80 - ssasagton Ter king ffoungv
sIvr Dudley, pigiaIIT, T. y Etr- xx-sf,-
la'n AIng and ~. j Manhart, rD.e@.a,s, -,
i .sna sns - - Saafaes penhsn. CHARTS
v" II. Meyer, sheriff os King rrs,nte a. a.
r s~, Az "a NJ -sf-sl Notice OF sale.
. w born IL May (,oreerr,
Voice - hereby gwen and exrersa.s cha.
st.s on4l~rs. xnsf. w n vincent ~s~.t,,s.r
- ne ftsgpeFsy hereinafter sYss~rsf,.xt .fss
az tae 18th day % ART. !srs ~ AZ 80, -.
e.Sk m she zfseFnsson set 20 thg
st@1.sss gsaoeF t0E cssa. So Ballard in
NIX county. state o. Washington tse t.na,
800 as I1~ +. J. L. ard all o. fe@
naseftnsfy, humber s38 appliances in arvr
wsP connected tae-ex3ta situate trr SSsa
n]FF@rd az Ballard. King coaniy. 4-ass-
lsS tsi'. % fss vacant s1s nexf n ire ufr
sef rstslse " htrh sad sase wsil - .ns4s.
PURSUANT - an orsser made and entered j.,
- above snsssEea cause On the sph aav
CT March. Lara 1
rated TIE day of tire srse psahlss-a.to
LeTesss toaas iss day az April. iss a,
Seattle. Washington
W. IL VINCENT. Receiver.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-04-01
WANT ADS.

AAvereaae0@nas sso1eR oDv
AaoAsnw In esasss1aA esa10ns
IL . word each tnsss tfosg MIN
1oaS charge. x6es CasssAAeA
a1vesslssoesas runEfag sos
sSsth vvsthssa ehaaGs II es0y.
oA-1o pee noe. <sevs0 Verde
so9os - hoeA - three
0~ssh@ sS1ss. e1-39 Per nns
Der 1onahs 81 sfs DSo tbs Ss-
Scr, No per lsne Des aoDtAs
- ysaysy ss1sR. "a - line
Dsv meath.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-04-01

BALL BEARINGS.

WY s-e Tall ee&-fGgS gS~a n AlcrgIsS,
tyExErs&~rs SSwxES machines vsaASsSS
zns1 sswz mowers
We a@Se Today received q sEzz znssssS 81
tHe --latest improved Waeeser K NEA~sa
Sewing Machines. rotary saefsen zTs>4 sass
bearing. strictly EE>-sc-18sa ia every ve~
sf~rE Fvr tire past ferry ssz-s wears Il
aas a<-eG the pride - swo-thlr<*s ef re
So-zx@s ~ Wet as the factories Of Ehs sfasz-
80 states, &E AaTs M solicitors. f'aH
2<ax- get TIE asnesr &c the saslesznrsS crss-
--SSssa7
WHEELER 4 WILSON MFG CO.
- Cos.ETEesa St opposite E@aSf4.ESs.
K HANSON Sole ASeuc
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-04-01
nEIr ANTGD~AALE.


WANTED 5ssEsAssis8 te5x. tNcrsass4ly csgzs-
grstent amS sfgtC1e0t captain fer - sHGeE
On she gssfse@r waters - tsse EsCE FsN@s.
rau~5 have s.EEt "a xtRF Sx4szrf@s2s-s SHS stn~
sxc~wGsan2l TeFef~ncts- G.ao8 gsisrs ssF
ss9scm gwen ~ ftxhs mar. 49, q sFsr-
81 secas.sf enEsnsfg. a<s,a& srA fao srx-
rssA AResv ~ letter. giving su'ssos ~
t4rg1atx IS stwswser. 0sr~ ~ lSsxssa =
Resell Rank II Brj; ss Nsfta AEsSfsez
rssiksf~R SAnsesaVeg p l.
At~rxN-F wsan 20 trAxs8 gey large 1sAeufac-
turing AsHSe Ayg5 snresgst agents. SIS
wseAfv aAa csHsssgN STATE SsH as
reference, Address 0ssSsse 90. - SAe<ks
nus S. Fssis&SsS pisa "a.
WANT Esp-A wszn - fsk@ eaFs 81 y S@ssf
af horses. state 1s2lss<Ns SlsssAS. axe aid
salary wanted. Assss " ne sses Matrices 80
single Address e 4 sAr@ PosS~ixteAa-
gcncAr.
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-04-01
HELP wANTED-AGENTS, SOLICIT
ora. ETC.

WORK orege9 xgsaa 10
every sewr 10 sec1-e suAse -9rtscns - tss
Ladies' Home Journal Az he 5assrsay
ESezfrg Pest: good par fcr gSo3 wcgk.
win business system 10 csver each SEC
sssz with G1r illustrated little 5ssSsk - :
s5S Csk~y aeve-s1s4cg 1sstZeF. ffSw We.
R9zle OF sxr xgAuzs axEs s1ZceesszG 8 t1s9
ia q iftE2s 5<sn sfss NE 90sSSa Lke - 81 &C
yov-Dortrzs.s az sone O. cur 5sss Agents.
With tse RSry Of E0W taRy HzA1s j. lAy.
The Czrt.s Publishing Ca. Phi,Assioa9a.
Pa
The Seattle post-intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Terr. [Wash.]) 1888-1914, 1899-04-01

LODGE xoTicEA
EIE KNIGHTS Ar~TEsFs TON All men,
bsrs % Seattle Cexnsz4sN4sxp NJ. = X
T.. and sn1usS-sz5-; S3r bkssgase are eoaE-
senasty Requested to gep@<t a. Ny saEss
Masonic Te11uss ksaSt&r esszEss.4g Apxas :
1853 a. 30 u gsGz-x e. ID. ~ &Etefz &. sFA
services W. g. POTTS. e. L.
IL ". TyNT. Res
AaGANA LODGE s. - sEa A M meets
second ard f09Ta- Acr.fays ezsssE 8scaia