Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1899-12-01
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born)-"Don't you think he looks like
me" Jealous Visitor-"Yes, poor lit
tie thing!'-Tit-Bits
Myrtle Cushion writes that she IS
now living surrounded by splenGor."
Il suppose she's got a new silk petit
coat."-Chicago Record.
Hard to catch: First Cltizen-"The
Filipinos are an inferior race" Sec
ond Citizen-"That may be, but they
can put up superior race."-Puck.
ITO our silent heroes" little Willie
read from the memorial bronze; Pop
per, what are silent heroesT Married
men," said popper.-Indianapol Jour
nal.
The amable plutocrat--But riches do
-ot bring happiness. The unamiable
pauper-But l amt looking fer happi-
ness. All want is comfort."-Indian-
apolis Journal.
Wheels: II feel as If had wheels in
my head! groaned the man. "It must
| be the truck you ate for dinner" T5-
Joined his wife, innocently enough
Detroit Journal.
"a self-opening and closing umbrella
has been invented" THAT'S no good:
what the world wants Is all umbrella
that will find it's way back home when
stolen."-Detroit Free Press.
II wonder why it is," said JiDks,
that most authors are snobsY "Wen,"
said Binks, 81 suppose it is because
royalties pay their expenses, and their
titles are copyrighted"
Weary Watkins-Dusty, suppose you
was Dewey? Dusty Rhodes-I won't
do nothin' of the sort. I'm hungry, but
l amt a-goin' to ruin my stummick by
thinkin' Of the things he's got to eat"-
Bazar.
"And this" said the enthusiastic
traveller, as the train entered Boston,
sis Americas Intellectual holy Of
holiesw "ShucksW exclaimed the 9TH
er traveller; "it's only the ante-room."-
Chicago Tribune.
Hello, Smith; suppose man marries
his first wife's step-sister's aunt, what
relation is he to her." "First-wife--
L I
know" Bright fellow-He's her hus-
band.-Exchange.
$50 you want to write war newsT'
said the enterprlsing exponent of emo
tional journalism. "Yes," said the
young lnan. "Do you feel that you arc
equipped for that kind OF employ
ment" 81 do; I've got a map and an
imagination. n."-Washington Star.
81 must say" said the Filipino gen.
eral, that we seem as far as ever from
a solution of this race problem" Have
you race problemY II should say so.
Even the army is thrown into constant
confusion by this wild desire of individ-
uals to come out first in every retreat"
Washington Star.
Dobley-"I understand that young
Spending Is being pushed for money"
Mrs. Dobley-"Why, heard that he
was spending gay summer at Allan
tic City," Dobley--"Yes. that's It, He
takes constitutional every morning
on the board walk in one OF those
wheel-chairs. ."-Crltt ron.
Parent Qeft in charSe)-"No, you can
not have any more cake" Very seri-
ously) "Do you know what shall have
to do IL you 60 on making that dread
full noise? Little girl (sobbing)-"Yes."
Parent-"Well what Is thatW Little
girl-"Give me some more cakew land
she was quito ht.)-Punch.
Mlssionary-"Was 1t liquor that
| b.
Burglar-"No, sir; it was house-clean-
in'-spring house-cleanin'-.sir." Mis-
sionary-"E Eh-house-cleanlng?" Burg
lar-"Yes, sir; the woman had been
house-cleanin' an the stair-carpet was
up, an the folks heard me."-Tit- Bits.
The golf language: "Wel, Mabel,
how was the musicaleT Perfect
foozle! Miss Virgins made drive at
Mozart, and sliced every bar. When
left, Jennie Lathers was trying to
stymie Helen Waterbury In duet"
"Was 1t nearly overY' "Yes. Pollie
Dawson dldn's come. so there were
three up and only two to play, on the
program, when l putt out."-Bazar.
Something to be considered: Pros
pective Tourist (at booking-oflice Of
|, great ocean liner)-"That stateroom Is
near the stern of the vessel, isn't it?"
Agent-"Yes, SIR" Prospective Tour
st-"You ought not to charge me full
price for It." Agent-"Why notT
Prospective Tourist-"Because when
: the steamer comes to land I'll have to
walk half mile to get ashore."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
J Chinese Premier-"I see that tho