The evening herald. [volume] (Shenandoah, Pa.) 1891-1966, 1899-05-18
THE POSTAL CRANKS.
THOSE WHO DON'T OR WON'T PROP
ERLY ADDRESS LETTERS.


Their Notions of uumOr ms Displayed
In Directions on Envelopes-SOme
of the Puzzles with which the De-
pnrtment Has to WrestIe.
1t does seem an easy matter TO properly
address letter in order that il may slip
through Uncle Sans postal mill as speed
lily and safely as possible. No racking of
the intellect is required in the process, and
but little physical exertion-simply the
inscribing of a name and address. Yet, in
the face of this, ask the man who superin-
tends the sorting of the mail in our local
postoilce about it, and If he does not
throw up his hands and fervently cry,
"Tho Lord preserve us from those who
don't or won't know how to address let
terl' it will be because he is too busy to do
more than think his opinion.
OF the thousands of letters which go
through the office weekly it is surprising
to learn that hundreds of them, through
faulty addresses, cause the postoflice peo-
pie almost as much extra trouble as the
handling of those which are in proper
form. And the acts of this same class are
also the most potent factor in keeping the
wheels of industry humming In the dead
letter Office at Washington all the year
round
Carelessness on the part of letter writers
is the cause of the appearance of most of
these bothersome missives, and In this line
San Francisco is entitled to a seat in the
grand stand, as the records of the Office
will show 1t is the careless person who
drops letter adorned with stamp, but
unadorned with an address, into the box;
It is n kindred spirit who mails letter to
friend in some distant city which the
writer locates in a state having no such
city within its borders it is one with a
similar failing who directs his letter to
certain street and leaves a blank space be-
low for the postoffice officials to fill in any
city or town it may occur TO them the
street is situated in; it is carelessness that
brings TO the postotlice a neatly addressed
and stamped envelope which is, however,
unsealed and destitute of contents, just
the sort of an affair to cause a fearful
breach between two correspondents, one
angry because of an unanswered letter and
the other indignant because his tale of the
empty envelope is discredited. But to tell
of the devious and aggravating ways of
the careless letter writer would take a day
in itself
Ignorance also plays its part in the let
ter game, as few select specimens will
show. 1t was certainly an ignorant per-
son who not long ago addressed a letter 70
His honorableness the President, ledv-
ing it to the superior wisdom of the post
master to guess whether the letter was
petition to the president of the United
States for a position or an appeal to the
president of a glue trust for a job as Ia
borer.
Ignorance or a childlike belief in the
supernatural powers of the postal officials
also inspired the following effusive, though
vague inscription on rather dirty envel
ope dropped in the main office:
ITO my cusin, Martha Small, who
lives in Organ and was goin to moove to
Montanner."
Another missive with nomadic ad
dress was odorous with mystery. 1t was
directed:
Samuel Kramer, Milwaukee, Wis. if
not, try Columbus, o. or, maybe, Dallas,
Tex or, perhaps, Bangor, Me. "
Was this letter representative of for
lorn hope to reach long lost heir to for
tune or the frantic attempt of a creditor
TO run down an elusive debtor?
A piece of handiwork worthy of the i'm
mortal Handy Andy is exhibited by a let
ter which, besides the stamp, bore only on
It's face this writing:
"If not delivered In ten days, Postmas-
ter will please open and return as per ad
dress inside. Stamp inclosed."
But it is not the careless and ignorant
alone who clog up the postal machinery
and cause the letter men to give way at
times to an inclination TO use words of
lurid tinge and emphatic meaning. Their
correspondence of which the foregoing
are only few samples, from an outside
view is easily disposed of by being thrown
aside in the hurry Of making up mail and
afterward bundled off to the postal morgue
at Washington, unless there is some iden-
tiflcation mark whereby it may be return
ed to the writer
There is a vast and growing army of
cranks who seem TO live only for the pur-
pose of using the mails in their own pecul
lar, idiotic way. In the operations of
some of these there is a studied flendish-
ness that would suggest a gigantic con-
spiracy to drive postal clerks to the insane
asylum or the clammy tomb. San Fran
disco has some shining lights in the crank
line, as may be seen by what follows:
In the first place there Is the puzzle