Morris tribune., 1899-06-24

| SAFETY sake II Jney can De mace TO
come again, they are not pleasant men
to meet. because they will not break
! twice
A powerfully prayerful highland
regiment. differed by rank Presbyte-
rians is perhaps one degree more terri
bic in action than a hard bitten thou
rand of irresponsible Irish ru5lians led
by most improper young unbelieVers,
Which hamily brings me aTactly to
a brace of the most finished little tiends
that ever banged drum or tootled fife
in the band of a British regiment
They ended their sinful career by open
and fragrant mhtiny, and were shot
! for it. Their names were Jakin and
Lew-Piggy Lew-and they were bold,
bad drummer boys both of them fire.
quently birched by the drum major Of
the Fore and Aft
Jakin was stunted child Of A. and
Lew was about the same age. When
not looked after, they smoked and
| drank They swore habitually after the
manner of the barrack room, which is
cold swearing and comes from between
clinched teeth, and they fought reli-
giously once week Jakin had sprung
from some London gutter and may or
may not have passed through DR.. Bar
nado's hands ere he arrived at the dig
nifty of drummer boy Lew could re-
member nothing except the regiment
and the delight of listening to the band
| from his earliest years He hid some
where in his grimy little soul genuine
love for music and was most mistaken
| ly furnished with the head of cherub,
insomuch that beautiful ladies who
watched the regiment in church were
wont to speak Of him as darling.
They never heard his vitriolic COM
ments on their manners and morals as
ne walked back to barracks with the
band and matured fresh causes Of of
Tense against Jakin.
The other drummer boys hated both
lads on account of their illogical con-
duct Jakin might be pounding Lew
or Lew might be rubbing Jakin's head
in the dirt but any attempt at aggres-
sion on the part Of an outsider was met
Jakin, and the consequences were pain
full The boys were the Ishmaels of the
corps, but wealthy Ishmaels, for they
sold battles in alternate weeks for the
sport of the barracks when they were
not pitted against other boys, and thus
they amassed money
On this eSrticular day there was dis
sension in the camp. They had just
| been convicted afresh of smoking, which
is bad for little boys who use plug to-
bacco, and Lewis contention was that
Jakin had 'stunk so 'orrid bad from
keepin the pipe in pocket that he and
he alone was responsible for the birch
ing they were both tingling under.
Il tell you | i'd the pipe back O. bar
ricks. said Jakin practically.
You re a bloomin liarf' said Lew
without heat.
Your bloomin little barstardH
said Jakin strong in the knowledge
that his own ancestry was unknown.
Now there is one word in the extend
ed vocabulary of barrack room abuse
that cannot pass without comment
You may call a man thief and risk
nothing You may even call him a
coward without finding more than a
boot whiz past your ear, but you must
not call man a bastard unless you are
prepared to prove it on his front teeth.
. You might ha' KEEP that till !
WASH 't,so sore, said Lew sorrowfully
lodging round Jakin s guard
"I'Il make you sorer, said Jakin
geniany and got home on Lewis ala
baster forehead All would have gone
well. and this story, as the books say,
would never have been written, had not
his evil fate prompted the bazaar ser
9eant' son, d long, employees man Of
five and twenty, to put in an appear
ance after the first round. Hewas eter-
nally in need Of money and knew that
the boys had silver
Fighting again. said he. TN re-
port you to my father, and he'll report,
you to the color sergeant.
whats that to your said Jakin
with an unpleasant dilation of the nos
trils
"Oh. nothing to me You'll get into
trouble, and you've been up too often to
afford that
What the hell do you know about
what we've done?' asked Lew the
Seraph ''You aren't in the army, you
lousy cadgin civilian
He closed in on the man S left flank.
''Jes cause you find two gentlemen
settlin their diff rences with their fstes
you stick in your ugly nose where you
aren't wanted Run 'ome to your arr
caste slut of ma-or we'll give you
what for. said Jakin
The man attempted reprisals by
knocking the boys heads together The
scheme would have succeeded had not
Jakin punched him vehemently in the
stomach, or had Lew refrained from
kicking his shins They fought togeth-
err. bleeding and breathless, for half an
hour, and, after heavy punishment,
iriumphantly pulled down their oppo-
nent as terriers pull down jackal
Now, gasped Jakin, "I'll give
you what for He proceeded to pound
the mans features while Lew stamped
on the outlying portions of his anatomy