davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

Lord Beresford, who is now in this coun-
try, visited Honolulu thirty years ago as
midshipman. One night while on shore
leave his lordship decided that it would be
immense fun to remove the British consuls
sign and place it over butcher shop. The
project was performed with great success
and he was just beginning to enjoy the fun
Wien the commander of his ship walked up
to him and ordered him to take down the
sign and replace 1t over the consulate which
he did, to the great delight of the assembled
crowd
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

Washington Star: so" said the Spanish
general, I'VE are to b. court-martialed."
You seem quite cheerful over the pros
pect."
YES / don't mind so long as there is no
prospect of ringing in any canned beef ac-
compartments to the trial"
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

ora GOODMAN mousse WneTe congress assembled
after the burning of the capitol in 1914
and where Mrs. Surratt was afterward
hanged for completely in the Lincoln assassi-
nation. The house stood near Justice Fields
residence. Few pictures are extant
LINES TO A LAUGH.
Chicago Tribune: Doctor, please tell me
does chewing gum enlarge the muscles Of
the iaws?'
Not unless you chew 1t, miss"
Detroit journal: Teacher-John, illustrate
the difference between sit and set
Bright and Patriotic Boy-The United
States is a country in which the sun never
sets and the rest of the world never sits.
Pittsburg Chronicle: The blizzard made
the railroads observe Lent a little in ad-
servant bonrder at the breakfast table.
How SOP"
1T made the trains fast"
Detroit Free Press: "IIs parents have
spent a great deal of money upon his edu-
cation, haven't they?"
II should say so. You ought to feel his
muscle"
general, Eve are to b. court-martiaied"
You seem quite cheerful over the pros
pect"
YES l don't mind, so long as there is no
prospect of ringing in any canned beef ac-
Compartments to the trial"
Detroit Free Press: LAS 1 understand it,"
remarked the intelligent foreigner, you
Americans regard George Washingtons
hatehet as the emblem OF truth
Yes, sir, that's right" replied the Ameri-
can, proudly.
Then, when statesmen or other in
divduals who have quarreled bury the
hatchet, l suppose they csase to speak the
truth?"
Puck: 81 thought Cholly's father started
"He did, but the business was so duh that
Cholly had to get an alarm clock to wake
himself up when it was time to go home"
Chicago Record: Isabel, what sacrifice
shall you make during Lent?''
well, we have such a charming young
clergyman that ! suppose l ought to give
up going to church"
Puck: Mrs. Weeperly-"Yes, we pay spot
cash for everything. t-a'E IHr
, Mrs. Whipperly-Ah! 1 often speak to
my husband about the time when we had to.
Chicago Post: "Why do you object to my
suit, sir?'
II don't object TO your suit" answered
the old gentleman. "On the contrary, I
think it's one of the most stylish suits I
ever saw. What | object to is your per-
sonality."
D=trot journal: 1t was spring!
Nature laughed: the birds, the trees, the
springing grass. all these laughed
why" asked the melancholy poet, who
had wandered atield, "do you laugh?''
Look" cried Nature galy, gssturing In
the direction of the first straw hat of the
season.
It was indeed laughable!
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

Puck: 81 thought Chollys father started
him in business?''
"He did, but the business was so dull that
Choly had to get an alarm clock to wake
himself up when it was time to go home"
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

Chicago Records: Isabel, what sacrifice
shall you make during Lent?''
"Well, we have such a charming young
clergyman that suppose l ought to give
up going to church,
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

The father of the university student in
jured in the Charter day exercises displayed
spirit of independent manhood all too
uncommon in these days. The commonly
accepted belief is that anything which can
bo secured from the public treasury is
legitimate, regardless whether the bene-
ficiary is able to bear the burden himself
or not.
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

Puck: Mrs Weeperly-"Yes, we pay spot
cash for everything. t-a'r. '..r
Mrs. Whipperly-Ah! 1 often speak to
my husband about the time when we had to.
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

Detroit Free Press: LAS 1 understand It,"
remarked the intelligent foreigner. you
Americans regard George Washington's
hatchet as the emblem of truth"
'Yes, sir. that's right" replied the Ameri-
Omaha daily bee., 1899-02-21

Chicago Post: "Why do you object to my
suit sir?'
Il don't object to your suit" answered
the old gentleman. "On the contrary, I
think it's one of the most stylish suits I
ever saw. What | object to is your per-
sonality"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01
GOVFRNOR ND FARMER.

Perhaps the Horncllsvllle farmer who asked
How about the canals was not quite sober.
Nevertheless il was not becoming 10 the dignity
81 the Governor Of New York TO handy epithets
and call him abusive names because he still In
his rural isolation, held the same doubts about
The canal management that the Governor him
self held and avowed a year ago. II was not
quite fair 10 class him among mean, small
souls" or talk about his Infamous lies and
SANDERS" because he had not had the opportu-
n!ty from close contact with politicians and eX-
periencc with public affairs to become con
WINGED as suddenly as the Governor that the
100000 sunk in the canals was honestly sunk
He asked a question that many men Of perfect
soUriety aud high Intelligence have been asking
for several months, and are not likely 10 be de-
tered from asking even to preserve '. r. State
from exhibitions Of bad taste in the i..-cutlve
Office
It is not so long ago that Governor Roosevelt
himself was asking What about the canals1"
and promising If possible 10 punish those who
wasted the States money that he can afford TO
characterize the charges made against Mr. AL
bridge and his associates As infamous lies and
ISLANDERS Last year Mr. Roosevelts attitude
on the canal question was so much that Of the
HornellsV.!e farmer that Lieutenant Governor
Woodrun's disposition 10 defend the canal ad-
minstration caused him visible embarrassment
In his campaign he TOOK the greatest possible
pains not 10 give cOuntenance 10 the Lieutenant
Governors view. which he seems now 70 have
adopted. showed evident annoyance az being
personally conducted through Rochester by Mr.
Aldridge. and in every way appealed 10 the
people not as the apologist for bu, as the would
be critic Of the canal management No doubt
he has as Governor done his best to right all
wrongs in that department OF the State gov
crnment He proceeded with zeal to have ex-
animation made with view to prosecutions.
and no candid and fair minded man will be in
clined 10 doubt the honesty or truth Of the OK
amners' report that no prosecutions can be
maintained The Governor may be absoved
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01
THE CHOICE FOR CTBANS.

President Mckinley addresses the Cuban
people and urges aid in "the steps 10y which
YOU will proceed 10 the establishment Of an ef-
"fective system of solf-government' There is
no hint that they may not be able; not even
suggestion that a majority Of them may not
want the risks and burdens of independence
commission representing many influential Gu
bans is even now at Washington urging anneXa-
ton Without mention Of them or their repre-
scntatons the President goes forward with "the
steps" aforesaid Nor is lis proclamation out
Of place As the Executive he is bound 10 as
sumo. as Congress in It's resolution did assume,
that the people of Cuba wanted and were
fighting for an independent government Of their
own In absolute good faith the President pro-
ceeds TO execute the declared purpose Of Con
gress. until that body or the people Of Cuba
themselves express different desire.
II will probably seem 10 people of other lands
an Impressive evidence Of American good faith
and freedom from selfish aims that this answer
and no other has been made to proposals Of an
nexation Nor will that view do more than jus
tee 20 the spirit Of Americans. who have from
the first desired no territorial acquisition but
freedom and good government for Cuba At
the same time it may be said that the thing
which the cuban anncXationists appear 10 want
Is exactly that which the people OF this country
are not at all inclined TO grant The Cubans
ask admission into the Union as part OF the
governing body But Americans have not dis.
covered any need 10 seek the aid Of Cuhans In
governing this country. They hnve mnny rea-
sons including some Of grave economic and
financial Importance for rejecting absolutely
and without hesitation the sort ~ union which
! Cuban anncxatlonists appear 10 want
Never before have Americans themselves sn
fully appreciated the blessings Of Statehood in
the Union BY II people acquires entire self
| government IN local affairs. with the protection
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01
PERSONAL.
convert

Mura, Halstead formerly Of The Cincinnati
Commercial Gazette" and lately ~ Tho Brooklyn
STANDARD l'rij.." will compete his seven eth year
on Saturday He recently finished a popular Life
Of Dewey tha. is having great sale. and is now
M work on new hook which will be a oompre-
henslve review ~ the progress Of the century
The Rev Or y Mo-,lcy. If Fo,rnce. $. C..
WHO has toca appointed t. AXE charge Of Baptist
missionary work IN cuba for TIE Ar1",,can Home
Missionary Society. served eight years a. mis-
s!onary ror the Southern Baptist Convention In
Mexico. lie will superintend the mission IN me
three eastern provinces II cuba Santa clara, san
months Of Zach year on The island returning 70 the
United states during tho rainy season.
Professor Bu.haupt has received high order
from the Grand Duke OF saxe-Wcmar IN recos-
milton Of his Shakespearian researches
The Tome Institute Of Port Deposit M to the
dictatorship OF which the Rev DR. T e. Mackenzie
was called upon his retirement from tho head
mastership ~ Iawrencevil'e School. has
endowment exclusive Of is ample building funds.
Of 81 cocpo This makes II by FAR the most literally
endowed Institution for secondary education IN
America. Indeed. rs endowment Is surpassed BY
those OF very few colleges ana univ ersiue- Dr.
moyements and developments in the Educational
work of England FRANCE. Germany ana Swltzer-
land. preparatory 70 submitting a plan OF organ
izaiion and work TO the trustees Of the Tome In
stitute.
Charles D Newhart candidate for the nomira-
tlon Of treasurer Of his country died Salorsburg.
Penn. on the eve or the election. Inc canvass Was
exceedingly active and II IS supposed the worri-
ment. together with financial trouble. caused death.
The Sheriff sold Newhart's property last week.
while Newhart was I'm a dying condition.
Carol Hendrick KRUGER. a nephew OF the Presi-
dent Of the Transyaal Republic il recent gradu-
al Of the Edinburgh University whore he won ths
Syme surgical scholarship.
Walker Hill. president Of the American Exchange
Bank Of ST Louis. Will probably be the next presl-
dent of the American Bankers Association which
b.f1
on September T. He holds the office OF vice-
president ~ that organization
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01
FTGTEREO'S RETIREMENT.

The farmers Of Dominica have their wish
The revolution will end speedily, and not seri-
ousy Interfere with agriculture For revolu-
ton in earnest 1t has become and II is already
within measurable distance OF lis end. Prcs-
dent FlguercO who was Nice-President under
Ueureaux and consttutonafy succeeded the
Inter on his assassination. has resigned, or alb
dicatcd Whether this indicates weakness or
realization Of thc hopelessncss II his cause or
an amiable yielding to the expressed popular
Will, does not yet appear. It seems to show
however. that he Is not the desperate tyrant
some Of his foes have pictured him to be- He
does not seem TO be rs had even a. Guerln
the fellow IN Paris who became an ant Semitic
because he was pork butcher and tho Jews
would not buy his meat
The best feature Of the case Is. rs we have
said that the revolution is 10 end quickly. and
apparently with minimum Of bloodshed and
disturbance The fact that Figucroo's Cabinet
will remain IN office and cooperate with Tho
rey 1ldtionsts in cffecting peaceful change or
adm 'rietration is significant II gives 10 the
who'll. affair more II the air Of Ministerial
crisis in France than n violent revolution "
course II there had 10 be n revolution ~ all.
this was the hest kind 10 have The country
has suffered scarcely any industrial disturbance.
and may now 20 on just as before, enjoying
whatever blessings. If any, the change Of
government may bring, and hearing none ~
the lis n widespread or protracted civil war
would have entailcd Upon which tho little
republic is 70 be congratulated.
II IS pleasant 10 SEQ that while one dispatch
saws Figuereo abdicatcd IN favor OF Jlminez IN
unite ROYAL stvle. the general impression is that
a general election will he held, at which
Jiminez may or may not be chosen OF course.
he will be II the people want him rs badly as
he has said In case Of his election. hotter
fate is 70 hc hoped for him than either Of the
last two Presidents had. And he probably Will
make none the worse a President for having
been restrained from using Cuba as base OF
fliblstering operations.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01
:l,rso91ork DaiIp Gribn,te
FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER |, 1890.
THE NEWS THIS NORNING.

FOREIGN CAPTAIN Lebrun Renaut ana
other army officers testified before the tec'..,V
court martial regarding me a's ~ Nasoradatior
OF Dreyfus on the morning OF n-s W Gprssident
T-,.7,a~.o = The Dominican Republic reSlsH.u'
the croeress u the revolution continues a.
checked -== An American force on tle -. ~ 49,
~ Cehu drove hand Of hostile natives IVA -
M the hills == Mrs. Langtry scored d SUI
cess in her new play. The Degenerates, d, I'm, ome
Haymarket Theatre. London. - - MY a,,.eer
riIisforv tone pervades the negotiations between
tbe Trapsvaal Government and Great bIl'd4'l.
- The American Jockeys sloan. KEN an. anu
Martin again won races az t he - say ~ he
IN England The British side or 'ne
BOUNDARY dispute further presented DeIUIe
the Venezuelan tribunal. in Paris. -. nv
United States cruiser olympia Aonlr6i a., be ,"s
on hoard. sailed from Vllefranche FOR Gihraltar'
DOMESTIC estimates for the coming
wear have been prepared by the bureau chlels
FOR submission 10 Secretary Long fl0'y yN,
"a asked for increase Of the Navy. --- France
and England are taking steps toward neeotlal-
ing parcels post conventions with TINS country
- The annual report ~ the Comulssloher
OF Pensions was made public. --7- ne NlCa-
raguan Minister In Washington denleu repoitS
that his country and Honduras Intended 10
make war on Costa RiCa. -= Governor
Roosevelt smoke before a large gathering Or
farmers at the Little Valley fair - Inc
longs horemens strike At Newport News extend
ed 10 all the negroes employed, and white men
were put in their places as far as possiipIe,
= John r. Mclean. the Democratic nominee
,or Governor Of ohio was made chairman OF
the WAYS and Means Committee ~ the Demo
cratic National Committee
CITY.-Stocks close weak after cary strength.
Flihu Root Secretary Of War. visited the
Government proving grounds at Sandy HOOK
in company with General Miles and other ON
GERS -- Controller Coler announced That nc
ycould soon Law before the Rapid Transit Com
rnissioners a plan by which the city could al
most Immediately begin the construction or the
tunnel road 49, President Holahan or the
Board Of Public Improvements continued to
tax for the RamapO water scheme. =-
pla.. 10 move St stephens College. Annandale,
10 tbs city was talked II among Episcopah-
ans - Frastus Wiman was the principal
witness before the State Commerce Commits
sion = A permanent organization OF the
American Bicycle Company was effected by the
election Of officers
THE NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. for to-day
Fair The temperature yesterday: Highest. -
degrees lowest. IS: average. 72S4.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01

~ the greatest liars Of the Enshsn sp'''''3
faulty - Chicago Tribune.
: p Frye one ~ the oldest residents OF VIZ
o,,,o died recently and was buried according 70
his wish in a walnut comm made VII" '''
hands from an old tree on his fatm'
r,s scr,bs-And 10 what Do you attribute your
rbe entenqran-Principally 70 the time nave
lived -(Denv'r R"lublcah
A speciaI railroad policeman arrested Two ooyS
IN the Chicago and Alton yards In kansas '"y
not long ago and when asked by me ponce court
ildgo what Tho boys were doing sald they were
irving 70 steal the drawheads from between TWO
freight cars while q train was IN MOTION Inc
Justice smilinRly remarked.
THAT Will do I'll hne those lads 800 each and
give them an hour TO get out Of town "ould
give them moro time but I'm afraid they might
20 down into he railroad yards and cart m loco
motive"
Those Particular Men-Man-Those eggs are not
done ,, ,o..,.
Man-Doubtless your watch Is fast-CDetroit
Journal
An Extreme Casc-'Isnt Jobbs somewhat Pc
Hes 50 stinsy that he won't give his children
middle names Chicago Record.
Tho following curious letter recently re-
ceved by a house renting agency IN London have
YOU a reputed haunted house on your books l
am not AFRAID Of ghosts DO not as matter or
course believe IN their existence. and am "llns
70 1--we IN a house FOR long or short term Oy ar
rangement. Of course. rent free. Should there oe
M ghost then II you wish H. shall be Wiling 20
testify on oath 10 tho fact: but should see an
appariton 7 will keep the matter secret ana only
acquaint you with tho circumstances. VIII
pledge myself not 20 pander 70 local gossip
have a small income on which l can subsst MY
sole object in thus applying 70 you Is TO he allowed
to live In place in which do not need to pay any
rent" Tho inquirer Informed that the hrm
had no haunted houses on It's list but would IN
form him when fl had
Lord Charles Boresford the most trouble
some schoOlbOv that ever logged during
study time whenever His Lordship turned up-he
would nothing but draw pictures or BOATS
ships and the most hopelessy inartstc pictures
ever drawn Of Nelson were pasted over MS desk K
Al tho age % thirteen his father asked him 70 PICK
his profession and the following dialogue occurred
ar Breakfast:
Charlie my lad-whats II 70 be|'
The navy. My Lord
And why the navy. boy?
"'Causo IA Ike 10 be an admlral-like Nelson.
"Pshaw-lke Nelson Why Nelson?
"'Cause want TO-"
Blu; even II you are to Join the navy why do
you think Won will ever become an admiral
'|Cause mean TO-" was the blunt reply.-(Tlt
Bits.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01
MRS. L4NGTRY'S NEW PLAY.
THE prGENERATEs" PRODUCED At THh
HAYMARKET-S SCENES FROM

london Aug N.-Mrs Lang'ry made nor al-
pearance al the Haymarke, Theatre TINS eVer''E,
In sydney Grundy's new play. The Degenera''S.
She daringy portrayed Mat are genera4y "h'e'-
stood 70 he scenes taken from her own life
The realism of the first act Is so intense IN Al '"s
unanirnous comment a. The close Of the pc form
ance was: 1T is gooo but she is awtully b'ave 70
DO t."
Mrs Langtry acted better than ever before.
seeming to throw herself thoroughly into me spir-
Of the comedy. which bristies wita epiSrams' out
IS occasionally vulgar.
hugo Gerald de Battle. her husband looked on
from a box. With the Duke Of SaAe-Cooufs 'Hl
Gotha and Prince fouls Of Battenbers zee
Duchess Of Marlborough many other uNe1 i"i-
sons and a large number OF well known Anr'-
ans including Nat Goodwin were IN -" au1ie'.e
roe Prince Of Wales toleeraphed from MaIieh't'.
Nv best. wishes for a brilliant success. Be I
for a fortnight from to-day AHn'''
Charles Haw.rey. Miss Lily Hanbury ana Mss
Lily Grundy were the pick Of the cast. the ~
named being Mrs. Langtry's daughter VINO H''''
her first stage appearance tonight ... ..-
Mr. Grundy usual clever dialogue me- WIN
usual appreciation Il J., probable MAJ Inc ID
generates will be taken 20 the United states III
The course OF few months
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01
a candidate for The nomlra-
THE TALK or THE DAY.

In an English churchyard the following epltaph
is on the tombstone OF man named More:
He Jacet plus.
Plus jacet hic,
Plus 81 plus
QUO mOdO sic?
Which may b. translated
Here lies More.
More les here,
More and more
How can that be-
No Distance Specified -swellguy-You say you'll
guarantee this horse 10 trot IN i0'
Horse Dealer-Ies
Swcuguy-You mean a mile I'm 2 4O2
Horse Dealcr-Wen. | didn't name any distance.
sir but he'll go as far as he can IN 2D-(Ohio
State journal
The health officer OF Kansas city hlames pros
perity for The non-removal ~ garbage saying that
the people can AFFORD 10 more. and consequently
their garbage barrels nh up fast that the
garbage man cannot keep them properly emptied
Oriental Crticism-'I have Just been reading tho
honorable works Of one or your most famous
female Engish poets" said the educated Japanese.
and ! cannot understand her exceeding popu-
larity / refer 10 the Mother Goonc There II
one ~ her poems Of celebrity IN which she
quaints US Of twenty-four hackbrds that sang
after they had been beforehand baked into pie
Tho Mother Goose regard and consider "a ono
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-09-01

-, tho stroncost nation on earth alike against
domostic discord and against foreign INTRUSION
Anarchy is not possible i'm an American H'a'e'
nor revolution except by peaceful means nor
di.rocord ~ the constitutional rights guaran
tod 10 oil Americans; and behind these price
LOO, Iibortiee I'm the smallest well as IN 'he
,,,.ootoe. State there IS the power or nation
,.h,cb mood fear no foreign foe, and which mas
,,,, do,rn q rebellion greater than viii ever
ogoin he attempted The defence guardianship
49, a,,orantee Of such n nation, local freedom
NTH connlete assurance that II cannot oe great
~ abused nor degenerate into la"ieSSneso' !" .
,,r,coloss boon not 10 be lightly bestowed on any
rcople even Of AnglO-Saxon blood ana Speoon'
Protection and assurance OF good goVernil'e"'
rho United States could give 10 Cuba nut 'hoSe
h,oseincs II cannot give with independence
sroro IN tho government OF the United States IS
not FOR sale nor to be given away. II the
,,oorle ~ Cuba desired the highest measure or
ioooi Freedom consistent with their own well
holrc and safety. and the full protection when
,ndonondencc would make Impossible, those
blessings also could be granted through some
colonial form OF government. Bur they nave
ovnresscd no such choice, and the Government
% tho United States can only coll upon them 70
ebovr by. their acts whether they are capable or
. stable and Independent selfgovernment If
,hor orn not the obligations of the United
cto,os 70 other nations and to the Cubans them
solvos forbid the withdrawal Of United States
authority. But the President rightly leaves the
facts 10 be determined by the Cubans them
selves. while giving the aid of the United states
70 steps toward that end