davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
RUFFLES DADS DIGNITY.
The Young Baseball EOOter Causes
His Paternal to Feel Too
Prominent.
invention.

He is a Chicago board of trade man, dig
nifed to degree, has luxlriant, bushy side
whiskers, clean chin and upper lip, and he
dearly loves baseball. He also has son
six years old, who loves the game as dearly
as does his father, and while the elder enjoys
the playing in a solid, placid, contented way,
the boy bubbles over with enthusiasm and
outroo.s all other rocters.
During the last Chicago-St. Louis game
father and son sat in the grand stand under
the intense strain of knowing that St. Louis
had two men on bases and two out, and if
the man at the bat made base hit the score
would be tied. The latter smote the ball
heavily. 1t scared upward and onward, far
back into what the baseball reporter calls
"the left garden"
Left Fielder Ryan was there, and. after q
long, hard squirt, caught the fly on his finger
tips and held it. The crowd screamed joy
orsly and the small son OF his father nearly
went out of his skin for glee. The father
merely smiled with dignity.
Finally the crowd ceased its yelling after
the left fielder had dotted his cap thrice.
There was silence as he walked to the bench
twirling his blond mustache with either
hand
Then, with his fathers clean shaver upper
lip in mind, and with a voice that drew the
attention of the assembled hundreds toward
his devoted dad, the six-year-old rooter fair
ly yelled: 20, pap, don't you wish you
had mustache like Jimmie Ryan, CHI.
cago Tribune.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
THE FEMININE OBSERVER.

Innings and outings appear to be the
summer order of affairs amusing.
Why is it that the smell of other peo-
pies dinner is always better than our
own?
The only sort of dog that it is de-
sirable to have bad-tempered is the
watch dog.
Our sins are currently reported to find
us out, but they are much more apt to
find us in.
There is no parent so wise that he
or she can refrain from endeavoring
to make their children show off in COM
pany.
The chiffon veil covers multitude of
defects, and also makes the wearer feel
as though she were in Turkish bath.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

The trade of the last fiscal year is
most astonishing, and is q remarkab BILE
indication of the prosperity of the
country. Our total imports for the
year amount to $697, 116,s54. OF this
sum $211, s69,91s was for articles of
food and live animals; 1921, 99S,377 was
for articles in crude condition which
entered into the various processes of
domestic industries, while only $685.
eel, 406 was for articles manufactured
ready for consumption, and what the
treasury bureau of statistics terms
ARTICLES of voluntary use, luxuries,
etc." amounted to only $93,914,635.
Duty was collected on 43 per cent. of
everything imported, and amounted to
S206,507,S12.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
THE SERIOUS CEREUS.
Mr.. Smith Thinks There Are Times
When They Amount to
Tragedy.

"Night blooming cereuses are no joke,
remarked Smith to his partner as he ar.
rived at the office about II o'clock in the
SERIOUS things, l suppose remarked
Smith groaned. Serious? Well, I should
say so. They are a tragedy. We have one
in our family, and just as soon as can per-
suade my wife to go down to her mothers
for few days that hoodoo Of, botanical
specimen goes in the ash barrel. For some
reason or other my wife decided that the
cereus was going to bloom last night. 1t has
threatened to bloom so many times and then
backed out at the last minute that nobody
but a woman would have any more faith in
it. But it was a sure thing this time and
Mrs. Smith sent runners all over town to
summon our friends in to see that dastarGly
thing burst into flower; certain billed to
blossom out at midnight. When l came
home Mrs. Smith said:
"'Now, Henry, a night blooming cereus is
something you don't see in flowers more
than once in a century-or is it thousand
years? Anyway it's an awful long time.
And I've invited the Jones and the Colinses
and the greens and
well, about 80 people, half OF EN- living
seven miles out on the North side. | had ar
ranged to meet man at the club, but | tele
phoned him | wouldn't be there. Then the
caterers came and they turned the house into
an ice.cream parlor. Ali my papers and
books and fishing rods and guns were car.
ried out of the study to clear suitable
place for that COMPOUNDED cereus. 1t took
the center of the stage and kept it, and as fa.'
as | am concerned / wish botany was at the
bottom of the sea. The layout cest me $50
besides losing in the melee deed to ten
lots in Englewood."
well, but the cereus?" queried Brown.
"Oh, yes, hang it, the thing didn't bloom.
Flunked for the tyenty-ffth time!"-Chi-
cago Inter Ocean.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

There are few women who would
prefer comfortable competence to
great wealth. The reason for this mis-
take in judgment, says the National
Magazine, can easily be traced to pre-
vailing ignorance of the trials and trib
ulations surrounding life of affluence,
A rich woman is in many respects to be
pitied; not entirely because she runs an
especially poor chance of getting into
the Kingdom of Heaven, even as the
camel does in entering the eye of the
needle, but principally because she is
by right of her inherited or acquired
wealth the center of multifarious, per.
picking affairs, and the object of con.
siderable persecution. The very rich
woman seldom knows a restful, ire
sponsible hour, unless it comes in sleep
In America there are three distinct va.
rieties of rich women-the one who
spends money socially, the one that
spends philanthropically and the one
that does not spend at all.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

An old sea captain writes to the Phil.
adelphia papers and asks that the
weather bureau be given credit for
saving millions of dollars worth of
property and hundreds of lives in the
recent hurricane that came up through
the West Indies and along our eastern
coast. Warned by the weather bureau,
some 1000 vessels remained in the safe
harbors along the coast and escaped
the fate that met many that paid no at
tention to the warning and put to sea.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

A Philadelphia lad, aged IA, bought
bottle of root beer and put it in his hip
pocket as he walked home. AS he was
crossing a car track there was loud re-
port and persons passing by were
amazed to see the boy lifted about three
feet from the ground. A horse that was
not accustomed to artillery also forgot
himself, and, pulling the lines out of his
sleepy drivers hands, galloped up the
street. Before he had gone a square he
ran into trolley car, throwing the
driver into the street. 1t was found
that the boy who had the bottle was
bleeding and he was carried to the
Pennsylvania hospital. The bottle had
exploded and tore the back of his
trousers off. Several pieces of the glass
had entered the flesh, inficting cuts
which it required II stitches to mend.
And all that in Philadelphia! That
town is certainly waking up.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
The Only One.

A woman who lives in large west.
ern city recently asked Postmaster
Gordon, of Chicago, to obtain her GER
tain information and inclosed a stamp
for reply. The information sought
could not be given, but the Office as
sisted her to the best of its ability.
The woman, evidently, had made SIM
liar inquiries at other offices, but in
each case received a stereotyped official
answer. She desired to show her ap-
probation of the courtesy of the Chi
cago office and in letter of thanks
received the other day she concludes
thus: "There is only one kind postmas-
ter, and he is in the wicked city OF
Chicago, as our minister used to tell
me-" A similar letter was received at
the same time in the inquiry division.
An error in address was made in for
warding the letter to Chicago. The
person addressed made inquiry at the
post office, and the letter was traced,
found and delivered. In acknowledge
ing the favor the woman says: II have
received letter and am very much
obliged. Allow me to say Uncle Sam
has the best Of help in the Chicago
post Office. I especially commend the
polite, accommodating young man in
the general Office, whom I saw when ]
started the church. Chicago is all
right" The name of the clerk referred
to is kept secret by the postal officials,
but each employe in the inquiry divi-
sion is taking the compliment to him.
self and declares he was active in find
ing missing letter.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
DEMOCRACY'S NEW HERO.
The Red-Hnndcd AguinaIdo Set Up
Against the First American
Citizen.

representative democrats who adj
dressed the Chicago platform meeting
at Cooper union, New York, extolled
Emilio Aguinaldo and his cause. They
expressed sympathy with his revolt
against the authority of the United
States. They held him up as one of
the worlds great patriots, q hero and
an idol, and crowned their demonstra-
ton in his favor with three cheers for
the rebel chief.
The resolutions adopted by the meet
ing declared that the war carried on by
the United States, whose sovereign
authority over the Philippines Us recog-
nized by all the nations of the earth, to
restore good order and give good gov
eminent to the islands, SIS grossly i'm
moral assault on American principles of
government and cruel and brutal at
tempt to crush a weak people who are
bravely contending for their natural
and God-given right of self-govern-
ment," and condemned the action of
President Mckinley sin conducting the
most cowardly and unjustifiable war
carried on in the history of the repub-
lic"-not even excepting the war car
ried on by President Lincoln for the
preservation of the union. The speak
ers and resolutions also affirmed the
principles contained in the Chicago
platform of 1896 and urged the re
nomination and election of William
Jennings Bryan, so that free govern
ment shall not perish from the face of
the earth"
The democratic party thus, in gath
ering which must be regarded as in
every sense representative, has given
free rein once more TO its Unborn SYM
patty with treason and sedition, and
has proclaimed its adherence to the
cause of barbarian, simply because
that barbarian happens to be in revolt
against the United States government.
That party knows him to be a boodler
who, after melting his countrymen to
revolt in 1897, sold them out for $780,
600 in cash.
1t knows him TO be brigand who (te-
manded $7,000,000 from the Spanish
| government as ransom for the Spanish
prisoners in its power.
1t knows him to be pirate who
seized, looted and burned a peaceable
merchantmen.
1t knows him to be a murderer who
has killed Americans and loyal Fill
pinos, after decoying them into his
camp.
1t knows him TO be a savage who has
encouraged his followers to the mu-
tilation of the bodies of dead Ameri-
can soldiers.
1t knows him to be an incendiary who
sent emissaries into Manila that they
might burn and loot the town and mas
sacre all the Americans, Europeans and
friendly natives whom they found
there.
1t knows him to be an assassin who
dispatched confederates to the Ameri-
can camp with instructions to turn
upon those who had received them and
stab them i'm the back.
1t knows him to be all this, and yet
the democratic party, merely because
the people of the United States elected
that republican should be intrusted
with the maintenance Of this nations
authority at time when Aguinaldo
chose to defy that authority, sets up
this creature as the idol that, in the
campaign of 1900, is to share its adora-
ton, devotion and honors, equally with
William Jennings Bryan.
So let it be.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

Here are some of the terrible things
which, according to a funny exchange,
are likely to befall delinquent: Last
week a delinquent subscriber said that
he would pay up Saturday if he lived.
He's dead. Another: "Ill see you to.
morrow" He's blind. Still another
one said: II hope to pay you this week
or go to the ID" He's gone. There
are hundreds who ought to take warn
ing by these procrastinators and pay
up their subscription now.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

In Boston tenement house family
had a cat which for some reason be-
came distasteful and was turned out.
Two weeks later it returned one night,
got into the fiat where it formerly
lived, and tried to awaken the head of
the family by mewing and scratching
at the bedclothes. The indignant man
got up and threw the cat out into the
hall. A short time later the eldest
son of the family, messenger boy,
came home, and as the cat followed
him he noticed its strange actions.
The cat ran around, clawing the boys
trousers, until he observed that the
kindling wood, which had been placed
behind the stove, had been scattered
around the floor. Looking closer, he
saw smoke coming from the fire board
at the back of the stove. He reused the
household, and the fire, which was well
under way, was put out. 1t is hardly
necessary to add that after that night
the cat was not driven from home.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
REFLECTIONS.

The wages Of sin is the inability to
keep from shining.
To believe only what you like to be-
lieve is the surest sign of youth.
All the worlds school, and all the
pupils who don't calculate have a his
tory.
The happiest man is he who, like the
coral insect, builds himself into his
work.
Some people get credit for holding
their ground when they are simply too
scared to run.
The penalty OF having a sense of hui
NOR is that our sincerest grief has a
laughable aspect.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
Prer,arins for Dewey.

Dewey days in New York will also
be flag days, according to the Philadel-
phia Press: st was said by the pro-
fessional decorators that it would be
impossible for New York city to be
more completely swathed in flags or
bewildering gay with bunting than il
was during the presidential campaign
of 1896. But it is probable that that
beautiful spectacle Of the fall months
of 1896 will be surpassed on the occa.
sion of Admiral Dewey's visit to this
city. The decorators and the dealers
in bunting and flags have already ex.
hausted the supply in this city, and are
sending throughout the United States
either to buy or borrow. The city will
be one vast, magnificent banner, and
some OF the artists who have been en-.
gagged by the committee on the scope
and plan are of the opinion that this
feature will be even more impressive
than the proposed Dewey arch. Some
idea of the magnitude of the expendi
lures for the celebration may be gained
by the statement that already 100000
has been secured by municipal and
state appropriation and private sub
scription, and that it is expected that
as much as 100000 more will be raised.
All of this money will be for no other
purpose than decorating the land and
water parade and the official entertain.
ing of Dewey and other formally invited
visitors -
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
which Was the Bigamist.

A prominent resident of Chicago spending
his summer holidays in, the eastern prov
inces dedicated to the memory of the ia
nous men and women who formed them
selves into the philosophic workers and
dreamers of Brook Farm encountered in
the residence of Emerson two other pron,-
nent residents of the city on Lake Mich
gan, both Of them judges Of note and both
were accompanied by three attractive ladies'
unknown to the solitary prominent resident
who first claimed attention, and after an
interval of exclamation and greeting one of
the judges turned and with sweeping GEES
ture introduced the ladies': "Mr. Dash,
these are our wives. Chicago Chronicle.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

1t is said of western nominee for
Office that he is the best buttonhole
campaigner in his district, his favorite
plain being to crawl up on fence be-
side some voter and white while he
talks. II the conversation lasts over
half an hour, says a correspondent,
he viii have the rail he is sitting upon
whitfield half in two and the voter sure.
ly fixed.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

At the old settlers annual meeting
at Shelbyville, Mo-, the proprietors of a
refreshment stand put up sign Of.
tcring "all the lemonade you could drink
for nickel" a lank farmer lad, appar.
emily in the last stages of consumption
or something equally unpleasant,
walked up and laid down five coppers.
The vendors thought they had snap,
says local exchange, until the large
glass was filled and emptied 10 times,
when the customer was handed his
money back and requested to complete
the shaking of his thirst at the town
pump. The sign was then removed.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

Emperor William is said to have told
some American ladies that women have
no business to interfere with affairs
outside of the four KS kinder, kirche,
kuche and kleider" children, church,
cooking and cloths). The success of the
remark in ALTERATION indicates that it
may not cover the subject in other re-
spects.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

The Arabs assert that they were the
first to make butter. The method was
strangely discovered. 1t was their habit
to carry milk in skins, on the backs of
canlels. The steady jogging of the an
imals churned the milk into butter.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

STAMP licker's tongue" is the name
recently applied by an English ply
stefan 10 a form of sore mouth occur
ring in clerks who have many letters to
stamp and seal, and who moisten the
adhesive surface with the erer ready
tongue.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

Adjt. Gen. Axline. of Ohio, asserts in
his annual report that Ohio sent the
first volunteer regiment into the field
in the Spanish-American war and com.
pleted the mastering and dispatching
of her quota of troops first of all the
states. Its total number of men was
TX 2kA
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

1t is reported that the most famous
roadhouse in Bangor, Me-, a place
wherein many revelries have been car
ried on in the past 16 years, has lately
been turned into sanitariu:O, where
Q LIQUOR habit cure is now established
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

Boston recently began a crusade
against the English sparrow, and now
the people regret it, because they claim
the municipality is visited by a plague
of bugs and other creeping things
which the birds formerly devoured.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

According to recent statements of
well-known physicians who have per.
formed autcpsies on persons dying
from intestinal diseases, the seeds of
grapes and other fruit. also the hard,
indigestible portions of pop corn, are
frequently the cause of fatal intestinal
disorders,
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

A Hartsborn (Mo.) editor, who be.
lieves in all the comforts of home. says:
ave would prefer living in small
town, where the people will symrattize
with you in trouble, and if You haven't
any trouble they will hunt up some
for vou."
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

A western paper notes that the ship
ments of pianos to farming communi.
ties in that section have never been
greater than during the last few
months, and it pertinenJly says:
Farmers DO not buy pianos when mort
cages cover their lands"
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

."Wigglesby is the most earnest collector
of Souvenirs | ever saw. When he was
abroad he gathered trunkfuls Some he
bought, some he took when nobody was look.
ing. Did you hear about his backing out
when he had chance to kiss the queens
hand?" What scared him." He couldn't
trust himself. He was afraid he'd he tempt.
ed to pull off enc Of her fingers. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

Two of Them.-"What is a sphere of in.
fuencc. John Henry" as ed Mrs. Snaggs.
who had been reading about the African
and Aslatic disputes of the European ma.
tions. I'm summer" replied Mr.. Snaggs,
the baseball is the sphere of influence,
while in the autumn it is the football. -
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
BRYAN EXPANDS.
The Free silver Moses Gives of His
DOunteOus Store to the De-
serving Dewey.

Before starting for Winnemucca VIII,
liam j. Bryan sat down in his office in
Lincoln, Neb., and inclosed solid silver
dime to the New York Journal to help
along its struggling enterprise Of low
ing cup for Admiral Dewey. Accom-
panying this precious piece of silver was
the following brief note:
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

my first wife," said the gentleman from
the lakeside, was remarkably plain faced"
"And the second?' asked the other gentle
man, Was remarkably plain-spoken." In
dianapois journal.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

Mother-"Now, Ole dear, show uncle how
much?" Ole-"Three." MotherN"O. the
little darling. Isn't it wonderful-within
one of being correr: "-Sondags, Mise.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

A man can get ready for journey in five
minutes, but woman is never really pre-
pared for it, eyen after she has started on
it.-Philadelphia Times.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

At First Sight.-"Do you believe in love
at first sight?" she asked. That's the
only way It's possible" answered the old
bachelor. Second sight would utterly de-
stroy it."-Chicago Evening Post.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

-Jimson-"They say he has been fiat on
his back ever since he married her" Sim
son-"Yes; he slipped up on her money
Town Topics.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

"They call clambakes now Dewey break.
fasts. why sou Stupid because they're
eaten between shells. Baltimore Amer
lean.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

Verdict of His Peers.-Newell Little
"Dulham isn't very brilliant" Newsome
Moore-"Brilliant! Why, he's considered
fool even in the smart set!"-Puck.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
aug. 70, 1875
Editor in Charge of Dewey Fund,
New York Journal

aug ~, 1857
Editor in Charge of Dewey Fund,
New York Journal.
Dear Sir: ] take pleasure in inclosing
contribution for Dewey fund. Dewey de-
serves the compliment you pay him. To
him came an opportunity such as comes
to few, and he improved it well. Yours
truly,
W. ]. BRYAN.
Spoken like man and an American,
William. 1t is to be hoped that your
dime will be beaten into the loving cup
just where the hero of Manila will place
his lips when he drinks to the stars anu
stripes-"where it has once waved as
the emblem of American victory, there
it stays"
The opportunity which George Dewey
improved so well has given to the Unit
ed States splendid responsibility and
opportunity from which it will not
shrink.
We congratulate Mr.. Bryan on the
Americanism that does not shrink from
paying the tribute of its dime to the
man who sailed into Manila bay and
stayed there.-Chicago Times-Herald.
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14

Too many people are troub ed with pal
pitation of the toHgue.-ChicGeo Daily
News
The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-10-14
The Hrute!

"He tried to kiss me, judge" said tho
female complainant.
Did he succeed?' queried the court.
mo, sir
Five dollars fine!" Numbered the
court, turning to the prisoner. "Be more
careful next time. "-Phladelphia North
American.