Mesa free press., 1899-04-14


that he said fair r.'"-Puck.
She-"Mr. Daubster, the artist. told
me 1 was pretty as picture" He
hope he didn't mean one of his own PIC
lures. s."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Housekeeper-If give you a meal
will you cut our grass? Weary Walker
Lady, I'll cut it dead; I'll scorn ter no.
tice it.-Philadelphia Record.
'"This new play, 'Cyrano de Bergerac,
seems to be a sporting production.
"Why" 'It has won by a nose.
Philadelphia North American.
Cuba, 2176 A. D.: Mrs. Santiago
Jones-But is his family such very
old one? Mrs. Guantanamo Smith-Oh,
yes, indeed. They came over with
Sampson in 1S9S.-Life.
Madame Theosophia-Tell me, have
you never seen q vision? Never well
coined some strange spirit from the un-
seen world? Mrs. Sinclair-Neyer. But
then entertain so little.-Punch.
The Lady-You here, again? The
Tramp-Yes, kind lady. "Well, / won't
help you again. / don't believe you've
done thing all winterw Indeed l
have, mum; just done thirty days"
whats she going to wear, and
where Is it, and who's making the
frocks? ooh, she's going to appear in
divorce suit at the law courts, and
her husbands making it."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Willie-I once knew a girl who nearly
died from ice cream poisoning. Nellie
The very idea! I would never have
dreamed of such a thing happening to
girl of your acquaintance.-India
apOlis Journal.
Engrossing Clerk (Ohio Legislature)
Here is this bill proposing to. restrict
marriage to persons Of sound bodies
and sane minds; how shall entitle it?
Married Solon-An act prohibiting mat
rimOny.-Life.
Professor-Too bad! One of my pu-
pills, to whom have given two courses
Of instruction In the cultivation Of the
memory, has forgotten to pay me, and
the worst of it is l can't remember his
name.-Fliegende Blatter.
Jeweler (excusing heavy charge)-
That watch was in an awful condition.
Why, sir, two hands have been con-
stantly on it ever since you left it. Gus
toner (dryly)-That's apparent on the
face of it.-Jeweler's Weekly.
"AnnexationY answered Mr.. Slow
man; "why, that is grabbing anything,
in reach and holding on to it." II don't
care" said Miss Huggerton, as she
pushed the hassock away; II am in
favor of it, If pa is snot."-Life.
Young Man dining at his club
Don't you think, James, that these
lonely dinners at the club drive num-
Der of men to matrimony" Waiter
Maybe, sir; but not SO many as matri-
mony drives to the clubw-Punch.
Smith-"Great time we had at the
club last night, ehw Jones-"You bet!
Did you get home all right?" "No; l
was arrested before l got there, and
spent the night in station-house."
The woman who had just moved in
'The first thing we want to do Is to
tear down these old curtains those peo-
pie have left" Her Husband-"It
seems you have no reverence for the
shades of the departed. Cincinnati
Enquirer.
might ask who lives here?' asked
polite gentleman of a stranger he met
In front Of a handsome mansion. Seer
tainly, sir" just as politely responded
the other. "Who is it, sir?' "I'm sure
don't know" replied the stranger
Tid-Bits.
Old Gentleman (dictating an indig-
nant lettere"Sir: My stenographer.
being a lady, cannot take down what I
think of you; I, being gentleman, can
not think it; but you, being neither, can
easily guess my thoughts. The INDIE
pendent.
Biker (blocked by load Of hay)-Hay,
there! pull out and let ME by. Farmer
oh, I dunno. ez I'm in emmy hurry!
Dlk0r \duSIl1yJ-4Ou oCChCu III null y
to let that other fellows carriage get
past. Farmer-That's cause his horse
wuz eatin' my hay. Thar amt no dan
ger o. yew eatin' it.-Judge.
Mr.. Green-"Now, I'm going to tell
you something, Ethel. Do you know
that last night, at your party, your sis
ter promised to marry me? l hope
you'll forgive me for taking her away"
Little Ethel-"Forgive you, Mr.. Green!
Of course I will. Why, that's what the
party was for!'-Punch.
81 never was glad Of the imim-pedi-
ment in my speech but once," said
the man from Dearborn who was in to
see the big parade. when was that"
'Fe-fe- fellow asked me h-h-how
much would take for "a horse, and
while LII was t-trying to tell him
s-s-sixty d-dollars he offered me hun
detroit Free Press.
"Young man." said Farmer Corn
tossel, 81 must say you've done heap