Walker Lake bulletin. (Hawthorne, Nev.) 1883-1926, 1899-02-22
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see two of you this minute-C Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Wiggins-That was n close shave
General Miles had, wasn't 1t? Higgins
Why, was he shot at? Virgins No,
he had his mustache cut otf-New
York Journal
''Yes. SIR" said the man In cell I'll;
"time was when was admitted TO tho
very best houses" And what brought
you here?" 'They caught ME coming
out."-Tlt-B Bits.
Doctor, don't you think the Illnesses
of most women are caused by magma
tionT well, the cut rates on patent
medicines are responsible for good
many of them"
Five-year- -old-Pretty useful, amt l.
mamma? Yes, dear" almost as use
full as man?' "Um, ye-es." Il don't
mean Santa Claus or God, but any or
dinary man. Harlem Life.
Il s'pose you noticed that the war
had quite a religious flavor?" mo; in
what way" "All the yachts were con-
verted and many of the rumors were
confirmed. ."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A Kansas woman says: "Hard-tack
nicely Drowned over slow fire, and
served hot with melted cheese. Is ex-
cellent." Pshaw! Why didn't our sol
dler boys think of that?- Richmond
Times.
"And you wouldn't begin journey
on Friday?" Not me-" II can't under
stand how you can have any faith la
such silly superstition" mo supersti
tion about It," Saturdays payday
Pick Me Up.
Jack-I don't see why you call her a
queer girl just because she told you to
see her papa when you proposed. Algy
-Ya-as; but perhaps you don't know
that her papa has been dead fob five
yeahs.-Judge.
Gerald-Would that l were a glove
that l might hold your hand! Gerald
ine-You would make good glove,
that's a fact. Gerald-What do you
mean? Geraldine-You are regular
kid,-Bazar.
"Now," said the attorney for the de-
fense, "here is skull. Can you tell us
to what species 1t belongsT 'Its the
skull Of a lawyer" replied the expert
witness. How can you tellf" "By the
cheek bones. Rural Home.
She-But how can you think I'm pret-
ty when my nose turns up so dreadful
ly? He-Well all have to say is, that
1t shows mighty poor taste in backing
away from such lovely mouth. ."-Har-
lem Life.
Philanthropist-Do you believe in
capital punishment, may l ask? Cynic
i certainly don't. "Why, how's that?"
Because l never yet met a man that
l thought it worth while hanging an
other for."-Exchange.
Customer-Do you think this medi-
cine will have the desired effect? Drug
gist-Oh, yes; I'll guarantee 1t to work
like charm. Customer-But l have
no faith in charms. Druggist-Neither
have I.-Chicago News.
Il tell you," cried Nupop, enthusias-
tically, that baby of mine is a wonder.
Think of it, only eight months old and
can talk!' 'Pshaw" remarked his
friend, carelessly, 1--WE known some
men that cursed the day they were
born."-Brooklyn Life.
"Oh, you needn't talk" said the indig
nant wife; "what would you be to-day
II it weren't for my money, I'd like to
know?' Il really don't know, my dear"
calmly. replied the heartless wretch.
''but I'm inclined to think l would be
a bachelor Chicago News.
Mr.. Hayseed (arrlying at city hoteD-
1 s'pose kin hear the gong here when
1t rings for dinner, can't 1? Clerk-We
have no gong. We have breakfast from
six to eleven, dinner from twelve to
six, supper from six to eleven. Mr..
ed-Jehoshaphat! How am / to
git time to see the city?-New York
Weekly.
"You didn't fasten your essay with
q blue ribbon, as you usually do" said
the editor of the magazine. NO" an
swered the contributor; my sense OF
harmony wouldn't permit it. This Is
an article on the management of the
war. l tied 1t with red tape."-Wash-
ington Star.
Casey-Phat? Yez be's a hero iv tn
war? Ply, yez niver lift home. Hen
nessy-Thrue. When OF see thin all
a-rushin' t. tn front, eyther fer glory er
fer Doodle, sez OF to mesilf, ''Hinnisy,
me boy, thrue heroism consists in self
denial. Twill be t yer honor t shtay
at home an lit tn other fellys reap tn
rewards" An so l sthayed.-Life.
Barber (fshing for a complimenD-
Did Mr.. Stubbles say anything about
his visit to my place? Victim-I think
he did; he said there was something
unluue about your shaving. Barber
(delighted)-Did he now? Victim-Yes;
he said that while In the chair it was
horne in uuOn YOU In the strongest