Arizona republican., 1899-10-28
NR. COOLEY ON ANGLO
AMERICAN SPORTS

The reasons for Mr.. Dooley's pres
ence II England are not exactly
known Perhaps he is here for peas
ure. Probably not. It may be that
the English government will learn sud
denly and unpleasantly of the connec-
! ton between the hurried departure OF
AIr DooIey and Mr. Hennessy from
! Chicago and certain resolutions passed
at a secret meeting Of the Wolf Tones
last May Let Balfour tremble, At
any rate here he is. with his heels on
the window sill of an inn called The
I Cat ard compasses,' and with him Nh
Hennessy. lie laid aside his paper at
ter a vain attempt to comprehend the
/ mysteries of that tragedy OF national
/ life called a test cricket match, and.
rubbing his spectacles, said:
! '.Hinnissy. if liver we have war with
what me frind Carl Schu1zd call tn
Mother Country, it'll not come firm
amy NinnyzwaIan QUESTION. Ye can't
get me excited over tn throbbin de-
bate on III location IL tn Orynocco
river Or whether tn miners that go to
Alaska fr gooId ARE buried be tn
Q
Ye bet We cant. But some day We'll
be beat in a yacht Trace or done up
at fut ball an thin what Hogan calls
tn dogs iv war'I break out iv tn ken
mel an devastate tn wurruld."
We'll" said Mr.. Hennessy. compla-
Gently. eff we wait FIR that we might as
well disbard our navy"
I dinnaw about that said Mr.
Dooley; I dinnaw about that: afther
We left to investigate tn ir'n found
hTies an other Picturesque rooms "
this misguided country. I wint out
TO give a few raw rahs f'r me fellow
cOlleajeens, who was attimptin' to dim
onsthrate their superiority over tn
effete scoIars iv England at what I see
in tn pa-apers is called tn OIympian
games. Ye get to tn Olympian games
be suffocatiOn in a tunnel. Vain ye
come to, ye pay four shilin's. or q dol
lar in our degraded currency, an stand
in til sun an look at tn prince "
Wales. Tn prince iv Wales looks at
ye too, but he don't see ye
Me frind, tn American ambassador,
was there, an nanny " tn seats iv
larnin' in tn gran'stand was occupied
be tn flower " our seminaries iv nedi-
tation, or thought Conservatives. I
r-read in tn pa-apers. AT tn time
come in they was recitin a pome fr' m
tn Greek, to a thoughtful Iookin'
young professor wearIn' tn star span
gled banner FIR a necktie an smolzin'
a cigareet. Now. boys says tn pro-
fssor, all together 'Rickety Lord
Quex, cock, cock, hullabaloo, bozoo. |
bozoo, Harvard, says tn lads. [ was
that proud iv me BELOVED country that /
wanted to take off me hat there an |
thin an give tn colledge yell " tn |
Ar-rchy Avnoo Reform school But I |
was restrained be a frind iv mine that |
I met comm over. He was firm Mats |
achoosetts, an says he: Don't make |
Il disturbance he says. We've got to /
create a fav'rabIe impression here he |
says.
The English he says, 'niver show |
enthusyasm, he says. IT'S regarded /
as unpolite' he says. If We yell he /
says, they'll think we want to win he
says. AN we didn't come over here 10
win he says. Let US show Thin, he
says. that We're gintIemen. be it iver
So painful, he says. An ! restrained
mesiIf be putin me fist in me mouth.
'"Fhey was an Englishman standin'
behind me. Hinnissy. an he was Q
model iV BEHAVIOUR FIR all Americans
to take up their homes in
Cuba. Xe cudden't get this Ia ad
warmed up if We built fire under him.
He had an eyegIass pinned to his face
an he niver even smiled whin a young
gintleman firm Harvard threw a
sledge hammer wan mile two inches. A
fine Ia-ad. that Harvard man, but if
throwin' tn hammers sport, thin tn
rowlin' mills is tn athletic cinter iv our
BELOVED country. Whin an English