The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-10-04
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


"some folks" said Uncle Eben, sis so
skyaht fob fear dey's gwinter hide dab
lights under a bushel dat dey lets 'ern
git blowed clean out in the fust strong
wind dat comes along. '-Washingto
Star.
''Leonidasi" exclaimed Mr. Meekton's
wife, on his return from journey, -
am at a loss to understand your con-
duct when we parted. I said goodbye
yes, Henrietta
why didn't you say goodbye in re-
Spouse? %
IT was just about to do so, Henrietta,
but checked myself. was afraid you
would accuse me Of trying to have the
last word again. Nashville Star.
Native-There goes the prominent
man of our village.
stranger-He's quite wealthy. sup
Native-Wel, I should say So Why.
he's an auto-mobillionaire. - Chicago
News.
Employer rascibly)-Confound that
boy! He's never here when he's want
Clerk think it must be hereditary
with him, sir. His father is a police
nan.-Tit-Bits.
Far From 1.-THE Man Who Rang
(angrily)-Why don't you get a hustle
The Messenger Boy-sayl dyer take
me for Fflipineer Puck.
Pull. Boys, Puil.-wan av thase
swingin' doors wild Push" on tn out
moinds me av politics." said the janitor
philosopher. Eye made Push until We
git insoide. an thin Everything is
Pull ''-Chicags News.
The place for It.-'FWelI, gentlemen
remarked the president of the club,
L.
gested that we have a banquet. What
shall be done?"
Mr.. President" spoke up the man
who-w as-seldom- heard from, It move
we dispose of it by laying it on the
table" The motion was carried.-Phil-
idelphia North American.
Not Played There.-'Do you suppose
they play golf in heaven?" she asked.
"Oh. impossible!" he replied. Just
think of the language the game calls
rth."-Chicago Evening Post.
A Standing Grievance.-"There will
always be more or less friction between
the United States and Canada" Yes"
replied the politician, 4 admit that
some men are worthless. '-Philadelphia
North American.
Observation-Disclosures Goodone-''Don't
you know that liquor is a destroyer
me, lady, dat it don't pear able to
d'stroy.'' Mrs. Goodone-"And what
is that?" Thirsty Tatters-''Me thirst
fer it-'-Puck.
The Motive Power-''What makes the
autocrat go, papa?" asked the boy
parent, lit is the good, stiff capital that
is being poured into the concerns. -
Philadelphia North American.
From BOSTON. of Course.-.cYou have
a heart of stone!" he exclaimed bitter
ly. Your intentions may be kind
she answered Jelly, but the language
in which your warning is expressed is
your diagnosis detects symptoms of
cardiac petrifaction.'' - Washington
Star.
''Sir Thomas Lipton?' said the Man
of Schemes. Il am replied Sir Thorn
as. Il have plan by which you can
keep the course clear of excursion
steamer during the international race"
Name it. sir, and will pay you lib
orally" said Sir Thomas. Charter EN-
all, and send them up to Poughkeepsie."
replied the Man of Schemes. The sug-
gestion will not be ccepted-Harper's
Bazaar.
Wheels-''I feel as if I had wheels in
my head" groaned the man. ct must
be the truck you ate for dinner" re-
Joined his wife, innocently enough
Detroit Journal
A Thoughtful Husband-"You ask
ed me to bring you some pin-money
this morning" said the young husband.
Yes" she replied, with an air Of ex-
pectancy. We'll" said he. Il thought
I might as well save you trip down
town, so I brought you a paper Of pins
instead. Chicago News.
When He talks.-'she says her hus-
band talks when he's asleep" 7 think
that must be a mistake. He talks when
she's asieep.''-Chicago Evening Post.
when my daughter plays on the pi-
ano the neighbors practice physical Gull
ture."
''How's that?'
why, they all get up and bang down
their windows. Detroit Free Press.
Cent per cent of water,
Lots of gall and sand,
Make the trusts of Jersey
A power in the land.
Chicago News.
Mr.. Lingerer Gas the clock strikes ID
Our cycle company has at last achiev-
ed, in our new inventions, the assur-
ance of business success; there is no
such tire as ours in the world.