davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
PUNGENT F. PARAGRAPHS

So Jack asked Miss Elderly's father!
And did the old gentleman consent??''
"Yes; when he came to."-Town Topics.
Barnes Tormer-.'Iie who entertains
the tickle public, sir, leads dogs life"
Stranger-"You don't mean to tell me
you are the barker for the show?'-
Indianapolis journal. r~
First Footpad- :sTimes. are getting
much better Second Footpad- :They
are that. Out of four men sandpagged
last week three Of them had money"
Ohio State Journal ..> ~..4....
Mr.. Penn-"One physician says that
the tramp instinct is disease" Mr..
Pitt-''Does he recommend a change of
scene as the remedy ?"-Pittsburgh
Chronicle-Telegraph.
Nell-"I thought Madge Maintenance
would marry old Moneybaggs.' Belle
-"She did intend to until he told her
that he was filled with undying love
for her, Philadelphia Record.
''Here is a beautiful sunrise by q
famous Parisian." ut must be fraud
No Partisan ever rises early enough to
paint sunrise" "Oh, but this painter
hadn't gone to bed yet."-N. o. Times
Democrat.
"Your cook has been with you nearly
two years, has she not?'' ''Hush! don't
let her hear you; you're right, but we
generally try to acknowledge that we
have been with her for the last two
years. "-Cleveland Leader.
They were engaged. ''Life," she said
as she arose from the piano stool, Evil
be one long, sweet song aftq we are
married" ''That settles it, then" firm
ly responded her lover as he picked W
his hat and took his departure.-Ohie
State Journal.
Bliffers-"Who says women have nj
heads for business? There's woman
made $1,oo0,ooo by simply turning he1
hand over" Whiffers-"Whew! How?'
Differs "She turned it over to Mr.
Bullion, and now she is Mrs. Bullion
Boston Traveller.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
why He Declined.

The face of the civilian glowed.
"Sare," he cried, ''you ar-r-re no
zhentleman!" '."
The hot blood dyed the officers brow.
"Sacr-r-re!" he Kissed; "do you know
who eet ees Eat you insult?'' IT. l.
'Pouf!" cried the civilian; 81 do not
CARE ....S.s
DO you veesh to fight?''
Eyes. Now and at once"
"Do you not know Eat am one of re
best swor-r-rdsmeni in Fr-r-rance?'',
"No. It makes no difference "
''And you want to die now?'' .
'Yes. Right now 49, ,"."
There was moments silence.
~ Il would gladly keel you,''' said the
officer, 'sbut eet ees not possible at zes
pr-r-resent moment" .+-.s.. J.
"Not possible !? Why not?' Z
Because I viii nevaire consent to
fight wiz swor-r-rds Eat are not pr-r-rop-
erly r-r-rendered antiseptic. Bon jour
monsieur. 2 ~ Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30

his breath and felt that bloodshed was
near "~6. ''ss:<.- = ;
Lord! Lord! but if she'd only APP
pearl groaned the conductor. "Ah!
but she's on the next corner, and we
are saved! If can knock down dol.
lar to-day I'll give my share of it to
charity and be thankful into the bar
gain" ....,
The beetle-browed man was about ia
ask who "she" was, but the car stopped
and girl with a blue rain-coat and a
natty umbrella to match stepped
aboard. She was daisy of girl, and
she knew it, and was smiling over the
fact. She half bowed to the conductor
half-smiled at the beetle-browed man
| and danced into the car. Seven differ.
ent men were jawing and gesticulating
and 20 other men and women were hop
ing there'd be clean knockout before
the row was over.
cts luck of the luckiest sort!'
chuckled the conductor as he rubbed
his hands together and forgot to ring
up the fare. snow, then, observe thu
sudden and wonderful change, ant
after this be prepared to bow to the in
fauence of beauty" 49,.
No sooner had that daisy of girl en-
tered the car than a wonderful trans
| formation took place. The seven me1
ceased to jaw and gesticulate;. the big
man who had been called a hog bobbet
| up to offer her a seat; the fat woman
with the bundles dug the next passen
| ger with her elbow and tried to Great,
an inch of space, and the man with thu
big feet smiled blandly down on tn
pug-nosed woman and freely forgav'
her. Everybody grew good-natured ant
accommodating in moment, and ever
the man who was ready to fight TO
Dewey and Schley touched his hat ant
said in less aggressive tones:
"Of course, you will understand tina
I'm not saying word against tn
brave fellows who made up our arm,
and won the admiration of the worl,
at large"
'Didn't I tell you SOL" laughed TIL
conductor at the beetle-browed man.
''You did,"
''You-you feel better yourself2"
Hanged if I don't! She's a Jim
dandy, amt she?"
'You bet! Say, old man, this roa'
ought to present that girl with $500
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30

worth of stock. She's saved every
conductors head over and over again.
If any of us can get load of kicking,
jawing, scrapping passengers down as
far as her street we feel that we are
saved. See that old duffer brushing up
his hair to look purity for her sake?"
sand the man with the double-chin
is offering to hold her wet umbrella"
"And the red-headed man is Offering
her his morning paper. Album! If
purity women only realized what a Won
derful influence they possessed they'd
they'd"
"They'd make it a duty to be out on
beastly days." finished the beetle
browed man. "You won't mind if l
whistle Yankee Doodle will you? I'm
feeling SO lively and good-natured that
I've got to blow off steam some way.
Daisy of girl-regular Jim-dandy!"
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
I for had the feet been near there would
have been : harmony sof bells ii quicx ssc-

for had the heet been near there would
have been : harmony of bells il quiek sue.
cession. &C.; 55 *345S s.z Rs.
# Ny mind being thus relieved. l turned
the tub head into the stream again, and for
awhile we foated rapidly and silently along,
4 boat with three figures that might have
been carved from stone, so rigid were our at
titudes of watchfulness and expectancy.
b fear am none too strong a believer in
the doctrine of special providences, though
have seemed to see its workings in my own
behalf, as instanced in the breeze that
saved me from the knife of the negro; but
if ever the Almighty carried three human
beings in the hollow Of His hand, and point
ed out the way of deliverance from press.
ing danger, He did it this night, and that
without the working of a miracle. Sud-
denly; and without the Intervention of q
breeze, we were floating in clear water. Be
fore us rose a white, impenetrable cloud of
a dull luminosity, while behind US lay the
moist veil from which we mad just drifted.
Its height was clearly marked, and showed
the mist extended not more than ~
feet above the rivers surface. We had
struck chasm in the fog, and once when
on the high seas l had marked the like, then,
as now, there being no wind to mix or drive
the vapor.
The rift was but few hundred feet
across, though it apparently extended from
shore to shore, like the waters rolled back
for the passage of the children of Israel.
Not boat was in sight. On either hand
the water lay black and fiat, only shin.
mered here and there by the light of the
stars that shone clearly overhead. This
incident must not be considered forced.
The writer saw these exact conditions while
on ferry boat from New York to Brook
Ign during foggy night in the summer of
1895. The phenomenon is probably due to q
warm and comparatively dry streak of slow
ly moving air, and lasts but few moments ]
1t was wonderful, an awe-inspiring
sight, but the quick exclamation inyolun.
tarily made-the first sound from the boat
since it left Turtle bay-was followed by
almost shout as marked height of head
land from the top of which, family outlined
against the pale sky, stood up the beacon.
It was Corlears Hook past doubt, known
not alone by its rounded outline, but by
the unused alarm signal WHICH Clinton had
caused to be placed there to warn the feet
cans. A watch was always kept from this
point, but doubt that the eye of an eagle
could have caught the tiny speck of our boat
with its load of three as it floated over the
space of open water.
In less than five minutes we were
plunged into the opposite bank of fog, and
then l passed the girl to my place in the
stern, quietly shipped the oars in the
muff1ed tholes, seated myself on the thwart,
and held me ready to alter our course and
feel for the schooner as soon as we had
gained triae more way down the river.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
Two Most Agreeable Mouth Washes

Two Most Agreeable Mouth Washes.
An excellent mouth wash may be
made ~ dissolving tablespoonful of
prepa4 ed borax in pint of hot water.
Before the water is quite cold add
teaspoonful of spirits of camphor and
a teaspo6nful of tincture ofzmyrrh. A
wineglassful or more of this should be
used to rinse the mouth night and
morning. Another good mouth wash
may be made by putting a tablespoon
full of prepared borax and. q. drachm
of camphor. into q decanter containing
about pint and 9 half of cold OF warm
water. The clear liquid may be used
to rinse the mouth with, and more wa
ter added as required, until all the
borax and camphor are dissolved. The
excess Of camphor will float on the top,
and the excess of borax fall to the bot
tom of the decanter, to be taken up as
fresh water is suPplied.-Ladies' Home
Journal. 49, ~.s..- e.. ...-:? 7x...gz
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
Birth Rate Sin Europe.

Sig. Bodis, a well-known Italian
statistician, has published tables show
ing the order in which the countries Of
Europe are classed in decreasing series
according to>t their mean birth rate:
/, Russia, in Europe; 2, Hungary; 8,
sservia; 4, Roumania; S, Austria; 6, Ger
man empire; z, Italy; s, Spain; 9, Fin
land; 10, Portugal; Il, Holland !; II, Eng
land and Wales; Il, Scotland; z
Denmark; Norway; 16, Bel.
gium; u, Sweden; Is, Switzerland,
u. Greece; 90. France; Ire
land. Il viii thus be Observed that
Russia has the largest percentage %
births and France and ireland have thu
suallss dical Record.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
A Stroke of Fortune.

EYES," said Mamie, my presence OF
mind is what saved me on commence.
ment day"
Everybody was saying you must be
an intellectual WONDER" said Maud. ad.
miringly.
SWELL, it was partly luck. When tied
the pages of my essay together, got
them all mixed up, and didn't discover
it till got on the platform. was
scared nearly to death. But I read
straight on as if nothing had happened,
and it was all for the best. 1t sound
ed too profound for anything."-Wash-
ington Star.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMSs

Ten carloads Of black walnut logs
were sold recently in Kentucky for ex-
port abroad, principally to London,
Glasgow and Hamburg. -
Only in New York, Buffalo, Yonkers,
Boston, Chicago, Brookline (Mass.),
Providence, Philadelphia and Worces-
ter are public baths maintained.
The growing popularity of the Tyrol
as summer resort is shown by the
fact that the number of hotels has in
creased from 9SS in 1890 to ], AT in 1897.
Atoboggan slide in St. Moritz, Switz-
erland, extends three-quarters of
mile, and is said to be the longest in the
world. The descent has been made in
II seconds.
The national government will have
five buildings at the Pan-American ex.
position, and it is promised th@t its ex.
hibit will be a better ohe than that at
the Chicago fair.
Among the points dwelt on at the
recent tuberculosis congress in Berlin
were the facts that more than 40 per
cent. of the printers of Berlin who had
died were phthisical.
The best price ever paid in Berlin fo1
property was for a corner measuring
two yards long and two wide, for which
cigar dealer few years ago paid
$500, and which he sold the other day
for $4,000.
A Georgia convict, working with
others in contractors brickyard, es-
capped recently by piling bricks in
| hollow square and thus shutting him
| self in until the cenvicts had been
locked up for the night.
Every sailor is aware Of the absolute
impossibility of excluding rats from
ship. They seem, however, to have
special liking for the modern battle
ship. 1t is not long since the Colling-
wood had to be sent to Davenport in
order that the rats might be removed
from it, and now it is the Devastation,
at Gibraltar, which is infested. 1t is
said that in this case the rats have be-
come so bold that they will even bite
the sailors in their hammocks.-
don Letter.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
The .Shekel Earned.

( That which we work for and win by
earnest effort is doubly our own and
carries with it its wisdom. Thus man
who inherits g fortune seldom puts It
to the best or wisest uses. In order to
learn the wise and benefcent use OF
money one must have toiled for itcoin
by coin, must have some time suffered
the want of it.. A man born with q
golden spoon in his mouth never tastes
either pain or happiness as these are
known to the common man. He has
not felt the great danger Of desire which
gives to fulfllment its exquisite favor.
Not having struggled in the fight, he
knows nothing Of the joy Of victory
Carrie E.: Garrett, in. Woman'ss Home
+ Companion. $s. ~ ss5szSzSS sz
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30

self on the boats bottom, using an oar as
rudder to keep the scow's head down the
river, letting her drift with the tide which
was here running at great rate. All night
sounds from the land were lost in the thick
cloud, and an almost dead silence ensued as
we whirled southwark, the only break be-
ing an occasional sucking noise in the water,
due to the hurrying whirlpools.
It was nervous work. Ames was forward
as lookout, his figure even at that short
distance being almost lost in the combined
darkness and blur. The girl, seated upon
the center thwart, held herself as straight
as an arrow, though. her head was slightly
bent as in intense listening. Fears of her be-
coming an incubus had long since vanished,
and if her heart beat thickly at our dubious
adventure, it did not show in the quiet and
confident smile with which she had adopted
every suggestion and obeyed every order
with as little hesitation as though she had
leen disciplined soldier. In her hand she
held pistol which was huddled closely in
her cloak to keep the damp from its printing,
and in an emergency fully believed she
would use it without qualm. s:>a ,.s.s}.sz
l had given orders that no shot should be
fired save in extremity, determining that in
eVAA@AVAASS oAOuAu NC ulSI Wy COAN SLCcl Ouly
At the onset I feared nothing beyond blum.
dering into a patrol, and in5that case the use
OF firearms might alarm the enemy ashore 4
In the above fashion, then, we drifted
along for perhaps 20 minutes, the wet drip
ping from ny.brows and lashes like tears. I
had no means Of getting at our definite
that making me think we should be abreast
the boats head inshore, / ran close to the
being hard BY the bank just beyond what
4 thought to be the loom of the land. BY
this had gotten into the swing Of the stu
alton and had less fear Of interruption
than Of missing the Phant tom. = would be
{ IN easy matter to slip BY her, and even could
Once mark the height Of Corlears Hook,
with its alarm beacon always ready for the
touch Of "a torch, would then be an unr
usual sailor if I could make q straight.
course for the schooner, though she still lay
Sat her old anchorage In the darkness both
beacon and heights would be beyond
vision, and was approaching what was
very like real worry when my fears were re-
Slieved and our present situation indicated
'shy the sound of eight bells struck il true
man-o,-wars.mansst style that came floating
over the river about off our larboard beam:
e. gave g fair guess that The measured beats
came from the Bellerophon str king the
hour 81 .midnigh Il, that ship being tie only
Vessel of size which had been anchored
above the jersey prison hulk to- dispute q
spoaNble passage Of the Sound river from
aboye. was zsure 81 this n hen, sitter in-
Z fsntsy listeninf heard 10 oth ef triikinG
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30

10 long ago and offered one Of those
women a seat. No wonder the Span
ish called us nation Of piss,"
IF we were outside I'd knock your
head Off" 3d. ri 49, .:...s'' :: D..
II ..Come out and try it," ~ .-..,.s.,...
>..It,a tha ,voa+her +kat docs ;+-,o+h.
mo, h,,t. 10 ,vea+har:p s;ehed Tho non.
dnctor -. +ba .hee+ia. hro1ed man 40 Ia
turned from the door. Snow. then the
pup-nosed woman and the ed-headed
man mar are getting r1,eeady;.for q set-to.' :, i
II The pug-;nosed won a jnD was sitting on
about an inch Of seat. and had been
mad about it all the time. The red
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
DISEASE OF CATTLE
Charlton, the Sixth Plague of Egypt
In the Time OF Moses,
Now Raging.

DR.. Sidney L. Theard, Sanitary officer
of the New Orleans board Of health,
has made study of Charlton, the dis
ease which has killed so many mules,
horses and cattle in Louisiana and
southern Mississippi during the spring
just past, and which still prevails there
to an alarming extent. He has reached
the conclusion that incubation with
the serum of an immunizcd animal is
an absolute safeguard against the dis
ease. He also states that all parts OF
the bodies of animals that have. died of
Charlton are actually poisonous, and
says cremation of the bodies is impera-
tive.
Great care must be exercised in hand
ling animals suffering from the disease,
as there are a number of instances of
human beings contracting it in that
way. Only few days ago a man died
of the poison in the charity hospital at
New Orleans, and several others sim
ilarly afflicted have been successfully
treated there this season.
Nor is the disease confined to the
south. 1t has made its appearance near
Chicago within a short time, and re-
port says it is prevalent among the
cattle in parts of Iowa and Wisconsin,
and in central Illinois.
Charlton has been known under va
rious names from the earliest ages, and
| one authority declares that it was the
sixth plague sent upon Egypt as pun
ishment for the obstinacy of Pharaoh
in holding the children of Israel in
bondage, after he had been commanded
by God to let them go. It is described
by Homer in the first book of the
Had, and Ovid gives minute descrip-
ton of it in the ninth book of the Meta
morphoses.
In the majority of cases Charlton is
| of miasmatic origin; that is, the
| spores of Charlton exist in the soil. The
transmission from soil to animal may
occur by cutaneous incubation, and in
a few hours the germs have multiplied
so rapidly as to throw the afflicted ami
NAL into violent fever. 1t begins as
small, dark-red spot, on which soon ap-
pears postule or vesicle. It sloughs
and spreads rapidly, causing violent
fever and speedy death.
The ravages of the disease in Louisi.
ana especially have been very disas-
trous. Large plantations have been
stripped of every horse and mule with
in day OF two, and the profits of years
swept away, while small farmers have
been ruined.-Memphis Scimeter.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
Willing to risk Them.

She was shy Of germs In the water.
: She boiled and killed them by steam;
She was shy OF germs in the butter
And microbes that flourish in cream.
She was shy Of germs In the sirloin,
OF germs In the marrowfat bone,
She was shy Of germs on her money 4
" And germs that you meet at the phone
OF germs on the car transfer slips;
But she wasn't bit shy OF the microbes
II there were any on Archibald's lips.
Chicago Daily News. %@. s:,r75s.srz -
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
'wHo ARE YOU CALLING A HOG"

rat old buffers who are taking up the
room required by ten ordinary passen-
gers. Either bouncess'em out or make
'em pay double fare"
eyes, sir"
"And that 3O0-pound woman in the
corner with two bundles and basket
what right has she to- occupy IA seats
for one fare? You conductors on this
line run things as if you were in the
hog business, and nd decent man will
take one of your cars unless driven to
it by dire necessity. > I'll make it my
business to see some of the newspapers
and have things written up"
"Good man-irst-rate man, but it's
all owing to the weather." said the
conductor to the beetle-browed man in
explanation. ION a pleasant morning
I've crowded that man into car with
6S others, and he was as good-natured
as clam over it. Take your own case,
for instance" .'zS.,,e
eyes, I'm getting ready to kick. In
fact, I do kick. I say the man who
designed car with roof just long
enough to let the rain pelt down on a
feller's feet and knees as he stands
out here ought to be boiled in oil.
There are so other Tom-fool things I
could mention.''' %atS ,-~
z' 'tBut save 'em up It'll next time. All!
the fat man and the lame man have
got at it in there. I expected row be.
tween 'em:"
The lame man had been hanging to
strap for nine blocks, while the fat
man occupied seat and a half and
had his elbows in the ribs of the pas
sengers right and left; The lame man
was mad from the start, but he con-
trolled himself until the fat man pushed
out foot against him by accident
then he suddenly roared:
"You blamed old hog, but do you
want to walk over everybody in this
carl"
"Who are you calling a hog?" fercely
demanded the fat man as he looked up
"You, sir! If nature hadn't grown
bristles on your back you'd have>got
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
Too Liberal by Ear,

4 ''.We are selling these goods said
the counterman, ''at. 2 positive loss.
Practically, we are giving them away"
s'Then, !" said the lady with til.
naughty demeanor, 81 must decline to
purchase. ! cannot accept gifts from
a shopkeeper. = Tit Bits. ...s
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
The One Execution.

He-To hear you tell it, one would
think I never told single truth before
we were married. -,
She-Well, you did prevaricatetto a
considerable extent, but I'll give you
credit for having told me the truth
once. 49, -'-. f. = r-,..s- +
He-1ndeed! And when was that,
pray? ~.....- e.. 49,.
She-When you proposed. Don't you
remember you said you were unworthy
of me?-Chicago Daily News.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
How He Came There,

Prison Visitor Tell me, my poor
man. how came you to.sucR place a.
this S : S. ss
#aI nmateWell i, marin, suspects Is
was Al along o. the copper heiRS s
sprint Boston Tran1crip
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
FRO N ,c.o:NrINurp.;i
] II the siocia / yvoRl,

= q w social 1oRld.
Bin thers any thing yrofss thAa.
10 hayeSa guest: you "a IS alnuse
e: "a he The. guest q . lna1.
5that can amuse you 1
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30
3 r. Ro =, } & fo = 9. 1 ,

sss s. How as you keep moths. on your
Eclothes?
b. Away weaxin' 'e1n. Cley4lspf
Spl9in Dealer. f3Ss
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1899-08-30

rat old buffers who are taking up the
room required by ten ordinary passen-
gers. Either bounceSs'em out or make
'em pay double fare"