New-York tribune., 1899-07-02
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

The Methodist ministers OF Chicago did not have
any success In their attempt to do away with
dancing at the commencements OF the Chicago pub
lie schools To their petition f. Benjamin An
drews, the general superintendent answered that
the sole authority in the matter rested with the
principals Of the various schools, and they, in turn
declined interfere.
Weary Willie and his friend Frowsy, strollng
along the seashore, stop before a sign reading:
Notice! Bathing is Dangerous Qulcksandhs;, 1'h;,o
spirit for yer Dat mans ar true edTfar bn b
got de right idea Nv tings an amt afraid to say
an If he here I'd take Of me hat to him.
Ueslie's Weekly.
William r. Walters, who is serving in the Philip
pines tells this story in THE Rochester Democrat
and Chronicle: Some very amusing affairs take
place between soldiers and the Chinese mer-
chants owing TO the inability of the Americans
'sabee' the Orientals language During that part
of the fighting which is known In our ranks as the
loot OF Tondo' I corporal OF the Sd Regulars
rake a small safe out Of some ruins after fire.
Finding It to be empty, he started away with 1t
under his arm Before he had gone very far he
met a Chinese merchant, 10 whom he undertook to
sell the purloined safe.
" 'Lookee here John. How muchee you give for
safee? Belize niece Mucho wano safee?' says the
corporal with much gesticuaton and contortion.
d" I really don't need safe quietly replied the
benighted Chinaman, but | suppose you boys need
This was said in the purest English. The cor
pora almsst dropped his safe with astonishment,
but he took the dollar. and amid the laughter Of
the company 'vamoosed.' Some OF these Chinese
merchants indeed. speak English with purity and
fuency that are remarkable"
Sensltivo.-"Hadnt we better burn a few towns
next month";" asked the Filipino who was trying to
And let the Americans think were trying 10 help
celebrate the Fourth OF July?' said the general,
sternly. Observation-Disclosures Star
This story is taken from the book, Irish
Life and Character: "A political candidate. on
paying a second visit TO the house OF doubtful
voter of the peasant class was very pleased, but
somewhat surprised. hearing from the elector
that he would support him. Glad to hear IT, said
the candidate I thought you against me-.
Sure, I at first rejoned the peasant. 'Whin
the other day ye called here and stood by that
pgsty and talked for half an hour ye didn't bulge
inch But after ye had gone away. sor. |
got to thinkin' how yed reached yer hand over the
rail and scratched the pigs back till he lay down
wild the pleasure of It. l made up me mind thin
that whln a man was so sociable that Wild
poor felow-creathure / wasn't the bhoy 10 vote
agin him
A Hard Question.-"There is something" writes a
warrior from Manila, which has been bothering
me for a long time VIII you please allow enough
question: Owing 20 the fact that l live in the
Philippines am known as a Filipino. If were to
move to Philadelphia would l become a Filade-
1an?'-(Washington Star.
THE Chicago News" has gathered together these
specimens OF childish humor: Tommy" asked a
mother of her three year-old son. what would you
do II l gave you a nice orange?" "rd wish you
would give another" replied Tommy Little
Alice had been delegated to rock the baby 10 sleep
BY and by her mother came in and found him still
awake. why. Alice" she said, isn't your little
brother asleep YETI" NO. mamma" was the
play, Il tant make him tcep his eyes buttoned."
Little four-year old Clara had behaved very badly
while her mother entertaining a caller. and as
the lattor about to depart Clara said: Please,
Mrs. brown. don't 30 away yeti" why, Clara"
said Mrs Brown, Il had idea you were so fond
OF me-" "Oh. II isn't that" was the frank reply,
but mamma said was to be whipped soon as
you went away" Sunday -school Teacher-Who was
the wsest man. Johnnie? Johnnie-Solomon
That's right Now, Willie who the strongest
mani" Wlllie-Jonah. Teacher-Wrong. But what
reason have you for believing Jonah was the
strongest man? "'Cause the whale couldn't hold
him after II got him down"
Demanded Informaton.-T am surprised" said
the professor that the value OF the mushroom is
not more widely understood. Now, a mushroom is
both palatable and wholesome. IT.
Excuse me, professor" said the barbarian. who
had been neryously toying with his war-paint
you. let me understand ono thing. Are YOU talking
about vegetables or bullets Washington Star
Speaking OF exhibition mermaids. a correspondent
OF The London Telegraph says: 1T may not be-
generally known that Japan exports these shams
in assorted sizes. In glass at much a foot
run They made Of the body OF a Ash and the
dried head OF a monkey, skilfully united that IL
is difficult 10 detect where begins and the other
ends. OF late the market for mermaids has been
fiat: at one time they were fairly common in the
curiosity shops"
Bill-Been 10 the races7
Jnl-Yep
what did YOU dor
Put my money a horse named Gas Meter.
thought there wasn't thing living could beat
gas meter"
"Wel?"
I'm n fool TO suppose for a minute that | could
tell what Ras meter 10 going to do."-(Yonkers
Statesman