davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Friendship Insurance.

That there may be such a thing as
carrying insurance too far is indicated
by the case of Mr.. Mulcahy and Mr.. Null
hooly, two Irish gentlemen. Though
they were known to be great friends,
they were one day observed to pass each
other in the streets without greeting.
why, Mulcahy," friend asked, in
establishment, ''have you and Mulhooly
quarreled?''
THAT we have not!' said Mr.. Null
cahy, with earnestness.
''There seemed to be a GOODNESS be-
tween you when you passed just now"
''That's the insurance of our friend
ship"
II don't understand"
''Whoy, thin, it's this way. Mulhooly
and 1 are that devoted to wan another
that we can't bear the idea of quarrel.
an as we are both moighty quick tenn
pered, we've resolved not to spake to
wan another at all!"-Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

One OF the walters at a popular local res
taurant is bird Of passage from the Bov-
cry and was member OF the small srmy
that served the famous Dollar Dinner ia
New York last April A good many stories
have been told OF that memorable event.
but none of them surpass ms own IN ooine
Of picturesqueness and inside detail &c
was the funniest push was ever IN iD me
life, he says, confideHtiaily- The k.schsx
was 50 small they had TO cook everything
on the outside, and wfsen Is gDe there rt was
dead cold. The second course was Irasfdock.
and each fish come served in linen bag.
so We could put EN- IN tubs Of hss water
boys got ratified ard served EN- bags and
all, with egg sauce over tn outside Say,
you'd OF died laughing seeing firsru fsTIers
tryin' to carve their fish, This ~ the tsuofs-
est auld haddock liver tackled IN me iifs.s
says one Tammany man az the head table.
IT'S got q SKIN like a rfafnocerTs, says ne
In the kitchen there was riot ali night
long. It was 50 small the walters couldn't
reach the dIshers-up and they zos 90 serap-
ping for front places in the line One rran
was knocked stiff with a surtsev- and wissn
they picked him up r Thought he was dead
did, on the level But e WASN'T blood e.
was only cranberry sauce Another HrnEs-
fell into the salad and one OF the cooks Dus
can OF zee cream IN the oven, tF1Tnkinx e
was brown gravy for the beef That's ON
the square--just as I'm tsfIin' yous Bas the
worst OF all was when we came to the wfHe.
It was 'Meriean champagne in half pfnss,
without ice, and Of all the kicking and noF-
lerIng. Ore fresh gent told me e was the
only thing he had had that aigfss shas was
good and warm- and ne had hardly said -
when waiter that was a little Jagged se-
eIdestaliy poured about quart 5f boIIIn'
coffee down che back Of ms nerk Say. you
ought OF heard him eussf Between you and
me, good many waters GOT 60 hitting sfse
wine. and they found one Of 'su with =
empty bottles IN his parts Eeg That's ior-
est ] saw it myself. It was the hottest bsa-
quet 1 was ever at."-y. o. TTmsSDemo-
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

MIDSUMMER.

Fierce falls the sun from glowing skies
Along the roadside dust;
One shadow by the hedgeroW lies
Between the spaces thrust; Y.
A last years nest mid ragged thorns,
Like some gray ghost Of spring,
Still keeps a hint Of April >morns
Where robins used to sing. z
All day the long, long golden beams
OF sunshine flash and fall; r.
And silence locks the sluggish streams
Whose currents downward crawl; 'sy
While airy, vagrant butterflies
With desultory flight,
Beneath dome Of cloudless skies, -"
Float past in shimmering light.
And on the hills soft haze swims. -.
Blue etched against the blue.
Above the far horizon rims, ,,.0
Lone stretching to the view: ~
And in the woods doves low plant
In melancholy Groom
Comes through the vistas, sweet and faint,
While fades the afternoon.
Then twilight spreads her huttering veil -
While sinks the SUMS red shield,
And stars put forth their facets pale
To tighten lane and field:
And on past scent Of briery musk
And myriad insect hum,
Cling-cganging through the odorous dusk
The jangling cow-bells come.
Ernest McGaffey, in Chicago Evening
Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Home Life.

The home life must be the sweetest.
Keep out all pickering and strife. The
world is full of backbiting and misun-
derstanding and envy; the home must
be refuge. The man is to be pitied
who, after a hard days sail amid the
storms of business cares and fears. can
not drop anchor at eventide in the quiet
harbor of a peaceful home. We want
to get rid of our grumbling, fault-fnd-
ing spirit in the home and learn to
speak words of praise and approval.
1t is as easy to tell the wife when she
does wellas when she misses button or
has weak coffee; it is wiser to praise
the children for their good deeds than
to be increasingly nagging them about
their mistakes. Make home happy, and
the richest results will follow.-Penin-
Sula Methodist
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

who was sitting quite near them, sud-
denly laid down his newspaper, and,
hitching his chair around, looked at
Mr.. Wills with an inquiring smile.
"Hay!" he said; what was that?"
Mr.. Wills blushed rosy red, and
looked very much disconnected.
"I-I-er-I was saying" he began.
/ you'll have to speak little louder"
said Uncle Robert. I'm rather hard of
hearing. What was it you said?"
Mr.. Wills hesitated and smiled in an
idiotic fashion at Laura, while his blush
grew deeper and extended to the tops
of his rather large ears and the rim of
his shiny collar. At this juncture
Laura spoke with great GOODNESS and
self-possession.
''Mr. Wills was saying that he no.
tees great improvement in the street
since they took up the old cedar blocks
and put down asphalt. He thinks it
would be great improvement if they
were to grade Corliss street and put
down asphalt there, but he supposes
the property-holders on the east side
of the street would object
Then he added, in an undertone lit
tie above the ordinary conversation
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
SpICED ROSE EAVEs.
Ssmethin1 fsls the Gtrls to De Get
ting Ready for Christnas
ss..ti - PfescntS.

This is the time to begin picking your
Christmas presents, girls. It does seem
queer, doesn't II, to plan for December
IN June, but il you want to get ahead
IN your holiday work you will be wise
to take this summertime hint.
It hasn't anything to do with fancy
work. No need to try eyes and patience
bending over troublesome embroidery
stitches and such things. There really
isn't any work about.it Those future
presents are growing right this mo-
ment all around you. What you have to
do is merely to pick them off the bushes
and-but OF course you want to know
about it from the very beginning.
Well, start in saving rose petals. The
country girl really has the best of it,
because by the end of summer she can
have store of rose leaves that would
make any city girl envious. But even
IT you can't find roses amid the bricks
and mortar of your city home surely
you have some friends out of town who
own rose bushes. Ask them for til.
petals, and if you are persistent, with
what flowers you can gather yourself,
by fall you should have fragrant COL
lection.
Beginning in June the leaves should
be gathered, dried slowly in the sun
and packed in cardboard boxes. All
during the summer, when you can get
hold of bits of. thyme, rose geranium
leaves, sprigs of lavender, sweet clover
blossoms, indeed any scented thing
from field to garden, to add to the rose
petals. Between the layers of roses
leaves sprinkle lightly little ground
cinnamon, allspice, few Tonga beans,
and, if you happen to have on hand a
stick of Japanese incense, crumble ii
upand toss among the leaves and spices.
BY the end of summer that box ought
to be as sweet as whole florists shop
And don't you see what delicious mix
ture you have better than sachet pow
der at eight dollars pound-for max
ing up into muslin bags?
This is where. the Christmas presents
come in. There couldn't be anything
daintier or or more acceptable than a
little sack of gauze or tarletan filled
with those rose leaves, tied with bright
ribbon and mailed to your friends as a
holiday gift.
Probably you will have an old sum.
mer frock of Powered organdie that
you can cut up to make bags. Then il
won't cost you for anything but the
ribbon. ~
Try this scheme. Make the bags any
size or shape you fancy. They are sure
to be as sweet as can be, and they will
give more pleasure than the fussiest
piece of fancy work you could design
IN. Y. Herald.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

fellow, Wills, I suppose? Well, if that
don't get me! Come here, Laura, and
kiss your old uncle.'
Laura left the room, overturning two
chairs as she went, and her mother
hurried after her. Mr.. Barring drew
up his chair closer to Uncle Robert.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. going
-get-married!" he shouted. II
said you - ought - to - see - an
aurist. Observation-Disclosures
know" ~
"Oh, pshaw!" said Uncle Robert. II
don't need to see anybody. can hear
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

"AA % A's~A AAAo. Jllul -lOT ten m1n-
utes with your eyes bugging out of
your head and your throat raw"
said Tom, ito have, him grunt out:
'H-m-m-m!' ais if he didn't think
there was particle of sense in what
you said, is what makes me sore. I'm
going to get megaphone and rig it
up with ball-bearing swivel in the
sitting-room. Don't you think that
would be pious idea, dada" H.
II think it would be pious idea to
do something,'' said Mr.. Barring. IF
he'd own up ne was deaf it would be
dead easy. I'm, going to keep after
him and see if I can't get him to take
treatment. I think he can be cured,
and if he could I'd be willing to pay
for it myself, by George!"
"You want to be careful, papa,'' said
Mrs. Barring, warningly.
Mr.. Barring said he would be careful.
'Uncle Robert, he vociferated, when
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Baked Barley.

Soak six tablespoonful of barley in
cold water over night. In the morning
turn off the water, and put the barley
in an earthen pudding dish and pour
31a pints of boiling water over it; add
alt if desired and bake in moderately
quick oven about 2H hours, or till per-
fectly soft, and all the water is alb
sorbed. When about half done add
four or five tablespoonful of sugar
mixed with grated lemon peel. It may
be eaten warm, but is very nice nodded
in cups and served cold with cream
Good Health.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
HOME IS WOMAN'S CREATION.
1t Springs from Her Own Ideal of
What Is Good and Fair-A Week
of Highest Art.

In order that woman NAV be Sue
cessful and happy in her home life she
must inevitably regard her work as
worthy the highest education and en-
thusiasm. Let her know, before she
enters upon it, that it must for years
occupy the greater part of her thoughts
a1d time-.there will be seasons when it
must occupy her whole time-and be
content that this is so because of the
value of the result to be attained. The
home where peace and order reign, and
sweet influences of industry and edu-
cation, of courtesy and religion prevail,
is not made by chance. The woman's
thought, and study, and ability have
entered into it and determined it's char
acter. Where the servants are indus
trious and quiet, where the children are
healthy, gentle and obedient, where the
conversation shows intellectual life and
generous thought, and the spirit of the
home in it's activities and pleasures is
love, and joy, and peace-the praise is
due, first, to the woman, who as wife
and mother, and mistress, and house
keeper, and homemaker, has made it
her study and pleasure to rule her king
dom diligently, with intelligence and
love: The home is her creation, spring.
ing from her own ideal of what is good
and fair, and speaks to mankind as
truly as if her thought had expressed
itself in writing. It is work of the
highest art. If a woman thus. regard
ed her work at home she would settle
her mind to it without that restlessness
and discomfort she will always feel if
IN her heart of hearts she regard his
tory, or art, or higher mathematics as
being more worthy her attention.
Katharine Roich, in Ladies' Home
journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

you say that you're hard of hearing.
I know that sometimes a person will
let little trouble like that run on
until it gets to be something serious,
when little attention in time might
have prevented it,"
"Prevented what?'
"Well," shouted Mr.. Barring, after a
moments hesitation, lit might prevent
deafness!"
''See here, Jim,'' said Uncle Robert,
I'm 60 years old the 18th of next
month. Chicago Daily Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
AFTER WATERLOO.
Prussian Soldiers Were Seen Scrap
ing and Sitting the Ground
for Diamonds,

On ascending to the top of the emf
hence we came upon the French guns
scattered in various directions, evil
IDENTIFY in the way of being dragged to
the Chaussee from different positions.
This attempt had failed, owing to the
muddy state of the plowed land and
the rapidity of our advance, which
obliges the drivers of the gun carriages
to fee for their lives by cutting the
horses traces. I perceive that some of
the guns had engraved on them Egal-
tie, Fraternite, and others the letter
M" many of the guns had the num-
Der of the English regiments which
had captured them chalked on them
mode usually adopted in the pen
lnsula. The carriages were sunk in
the ground almost to the axle trees.
AS we proceeded we fell in with the
frussian columns coming up from our
left, marching to join their army. They
began to plumber the biscuit convoy
most unceremoniously, and 1 had great
difficulty in preventing it. Perceiving
some troops to our right, I rode up to
eAASAAA e~AAA AouAu tAOy "C4C d VI OUR
division-the Twenty-second regiment
commanded by Sir John Colborne
now Lord Seaton), moving across the
country toward Nivelles. I applied to
him for guard to protect the con-
voy, but he refused it with some I'M
meaning excuse, and I was therefore
left to my own resources to get out of
the difficulty as well as I could.
The Prussians kept moving by us &C.
casionally, and I would most certainly
have been plundered by them of the
best portion of the biscuit had it not
been for the opportune arrival OF de-
tachment of our German cavalry 1.-THE
Kings German iegion). The command
ing officer, seeing my dilemma, i'm
mediately offered some of his men to
draw their swords and accompany the
convoy, and thus we moved on to
Quatre Bras through Genappe. 1 there
beheld, in addition to many other
debris of the French army, Napoleon's
carriage on the spot where it had been
overtaken and plundered. Around it
were Prussian soldiers scraping and
sitting the ground, in consequence of
report that some diamonds had fallen
from their settings in the night scram-
ble.--Cornhill Magazine.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Raked BeetR.

Scrub the beets and bake until quite
tender when pierced with fork. They
will require much longer cooking than
when boiled, and will be found to have
quite different flavor. Pare, slice and
cover with a mixture of melted butter
and vinegar, well seasoned with salt
and pepper. Let the beats simmer a
few moments in this dressing before
serving them.-Good Housekeeping.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Lotion That Remover. Freckles.

To remove freckles mix one ounce of
lemon juice, quarter of dram of
powdered borax, half a dram of pull
verified sugar, and let it stand in glass
for a few days; then apply it and let it
dry on the skin. Or apply with linen
cloth two tablespconfuls of grated
horseradish mixed with a teaspoonful
of sour milk. If a girl freckle easily
she should keep this lotion and use it
frequently, being careful not to allow
it to touch her eyes.-Ladies' Home
Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Midsummer Linrerie.

The silk skirt has been pressed de-
cidedly out Of service this summer, for
the dainty, fluffy gowns will have moth
ing but lingerie to match. Only the
finest nainsook and sheer linen under
skirts are worn, and these are made
tight at the hips with many elaborate
ly-trimmed ruff1es at the bottom. The
newest chemise has no sleeve at all; it
is held in place by ribbons that tie in
a bow over the should Detroit Free
Press.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
A Summer Snlad.

Boil some small green beans till ten
der in boiling sailed water. Drain and
when cold and well chilled lay spoon
full for each person on lettuce leaf.
Garnish with bits of red beet and dress
with mayonnaise. 1t will be found
most convenient to have this salad ar
ranged upon the plates before sending
it to the table, Good Housekeeping.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

we'll enough when
you don't humble
what you say as ii
your mouth was
full of mush. !
amt deaf-not by
n jugful!"
Il KIN ow it!''
70 Dared Barring.
shamelessly. "But
don't you some
times have a little
difficulty w i t b
your right ear? ]
think I've heard
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

What have you done with tie chTTds~
4sked the chief kidnaper.
just boxed his ears replied the eighth
assistant accomplish
Good exclaimed the chief Vow, ad-
dress the box TO that yellow journal and
write the editor that We will furnish sxeEr-
sIve clews to the whereabouts OF the rs-
mainder OF the child for SO, 600. less two Der
cent for spot cash. "-Ssandard aud CatilofI.
Times.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
She Knew.

"Ah," he cried, kneeling at her feet,
SAY you will marry me, and I will be
your devoted slave for life
"Arise, Henry" she answered, "you
will not do. That was what my first
husband said, and before we had got
fairly out of the church he began tell
ing me how he wanted me to wear my
hair. Inquirer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

Again, it was awkward before
strangers. Mr.. Wills is not exactly a
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
HIS STRIFE.

ibid you know that JImcox had returned
from the KIondlkes''
Yes"
He made brig strike. 7 guess
why do you think 500
Il met him out at one Of the gardens. He
was blowing the boys off 20 good time
and was telling them some great stories
about the country up there
Ob. Then you must have ran across him
just after I had been fool enough, TO lee
him have five dollars with which 30 -ss new
start in life.-Chica1o TImes-HsraEd-
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Remarkable Gain.

There have been many varied and in
consistent statements in regard to Gen.
Jackson, but. never was there more
remarkable tribute to his valor than
that offered few years ago by AVER
mont orator. ''What this country
needs Numbered the speaker, is men
valiant in words and few Of deeds, like
my old hero, Gen. jackson! Gen. Jack.
son, who at the glorious battle Of New
Orleans regained all the former dis.
grace lost upon the frontiers of Can.
ada! Youths Companion.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

pitch: "Why in
thunder couldn't
he say so him
self??" nd re-
suned his news
paper.
AS Tom said,
that "H-m-m--
M" w a S t b e
m o S t exasperat-
ing thing about
the whole bust
ness. "After you
have hollered at
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
MS LAea err

The idea Of sending children to bel
early to punish emf" exclaimed Mr1.
Cossel, who was discussing her rela-
tiyes. "That isn't any way to erect
them"
sOf course it isn't answered her
husband IF you want to convince 'em
that you mean business make 'em get
up an hour or 50 earlier In the morn
ing. st. Louis Republic.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
To the Manner horn.

Ragged Tramp Tin shirt sleeves, to
woman who has Indignantly ordered
him to move on)-Ab, lady, you might
not think it, but once / only had to
collect my rents and go my way.
Lady with asperity)-That's all I
want you to do now-y. 7. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

Little Johnny-Mrs- Talkemdown
paid big compliment to me to-day.
Mother--Did she really Well, there's
no denying that woman has sense.
What did she say?
Little Johnny-She said she didn't
see how you came to have such a nice
little boy as was.-Tit-B Bits.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Worth Warahin.

Chicago Belle-I fear you do not real
" and truly love me.
Ardent Suitor-I worship the very
ground you walk on.
Chicago Belle-Of course. It's worth
5000 q front foot.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Hard to Tell.

Mrs. Wabash-Which did yos con-
slider the happiest day of your Hfe2
Mrs. Dearborn-WeiI, I'm not quite
sure whether it was the day became
engaged, the day was married or the
one on which I procured my divorce.
-Yonkers Statesman.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Remin ded Her,

you remind me so much of my first
husband said the angry wife, as the
family quarrel grew fercer.
DO I?' sneered the angry husband.
"fes. You've got so many of his bad
qualities and so few of his good ones!'
Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04

ear to intercept
the diffused sound
waves and said:
"What's that" it
had the effect. of
instantly silenc-
ing the most ami
mated group, and
c o n v e r S a t ion
forthw j t b Ian
guished.
Neither Lau r a
n or ON nor
Laura's and Toms
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
A Fraud.

Jimmie-Say, mister, have yer got
Dead Shot Dick, er de Terror OF
Bloody Gulch?"
Librarian-No, my boy. We do not
keep that class of books.
Jimmie-Aw, say, fought dis wuz
ibery fer de peopIe.-N. Y Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
A Mystery solved.

He-For some time past have been
thinking
She-Oh! I wondered what was the
cause of the strange look upon your
features. had never seen Il before
Chicago Evening News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-08-04
Met His Superior

Hardened Scoundrel - How'd you
make out at Robin the train?
Desperate Villain lin disgust)-Done
first rate till I got into the Pullman
sleeper. Then the porter held me up!
Harlem Life.