Mesa free press., 1899-02-10

"What makes you think she is an i'm
pressionist?' "Her complexion."-Ba
gar.
Perhaps the Spaniards would have
asked for peace earlier If they had un-
derstood our language.
What ground have you for
asking for a pension? Applicant-Why,
when the engagement began. lost my
head-Harpers Bazaar.
First Volunteer (of returning decimat-
ed regimenD-The girls are going wild
over us! Second Volunteer (grimly)-
Yes: we are remnants.-Ex.
"Jack says this new horse he has
bought is bargain" "Then it is safe
lady's horse" 'sWhy?' Because a
woman can always drive a bargain."-
Judy.
At Sunday school little girl was ask
ed: "Why should you not hide your light
under bushelY The reply came pat:
"For fear Of setting fire to it."-London
Chronicle.
Mrs. Benham-Mother tried to COM
NIT suicide to-day. but I prevented 1t.
Mr.. Benham-I wish you'd let her have
her own way about those little things
Town Topics.
'"The German Emperor" said the shoe
clerk boarder. seems to be carrying
things by storm" "Yes," assented the
Cheerful Idiot. ''he reigns and blows"
indianapolis Journal.
Mrs. Thricewed (of Chicago)-I won
der IL the ancients had a god of d.
vorce? Mrs. Oftwed (of Dakota)-I sup
pose not. You know it is said that the
mills of the gods grind slowly.-Life.
"No, Willie. DEAR" said mamma. mo
more cake tonight. Don't you know
you cannot sleep well on a full stom-
ach?" "Well," replied Willie, II can
sleep on my back. k."-Philadelphia Press.
"Here is an article headed, From
War to Wedlock.' said Mrs. Till as she
looked over the newspaper: that is an
alliterative title." "Yes," added Mr..
Tiff; "alliterative, but tautological."-
Judge.
"That new advertisement writer is no
good" "WhyY'' Here's an advertise
ment which he wrote of our famous
Natural Mineral Spring Water, and at
the bottom it says: Address the manu-
facturers.' PUCK.
Jay Green "a rural swain)-When
was out buggy ridin' with Miss Daisy
Filters last Sunday, she insisted on
takin' the reinsw Abner Appledry-
What did you do? Jay Green-Aw! I
took the hint!-Puck.
Professur-Too bad! One of my pu-
pills, to whom have given two courses
Of instruction in the cultivation of the
memory, has forgotten to pay me, and
the worst of it is can't remember his
acknowledgements Blatter.
"Why don't you cry 'enough?" said
q bystander to little Frenchman who
was being badly pounded and who kept
crying "Hurrahw Il give t'oussand
dollar" said the little Frenchman. ITO
know Eat word before. Judge.
There's a man who has had many a
narrow escape from being shot" ''In-
deed! Was he one Of the Rough Riders
who rushed up that hill at Caney"
:'No; he was an Adirondack guide for
nearly three weeks. Chicago News.
The governess was giving little Tom
my a grammar lesson the other day.
IAN abstract noun," she said, ''is the
name of something which you can
think of but not touch. Can you give
me an exampleY Tommy-A red-hot
pokerETit-B Bits.
great tuck. Miss Wicks-How was
thats Mr.. Tcks-Why, when he got a
wife he only had to give up rib; and
now it takes all the backbone man
has just to think of getting married.
Roxburg Gazette.
Mrs. Knowit-Mrs. Strongmind is
gradually developing her husband into
an ideal man. He does everything now
Just as she wants him to. Mrs. Sharp
er-Yes, and when she has him perfect
she will despise him because he didn't
have mind Of his own!-Puck.
my brain is on fire." .tragically ex-
claimed Mrs. Bobkins. as she threw
herself down upon the sofa. why
don't you blow 1t out? absent-minded-
ly replied Bobkins, deeply absorbed In
the evening newspaper. And then he
lodged a flying Observation-Disclosures.
Fond Mother-Th' papers is saying as
how Mister DeStar, tn great actor. is
-gettin' one hoondred dollars night.
Scene Shifter-Yis; an wot does we get!
Only fifty cents night fer shiftin' all
that heavy scenery fer him ter walk an
spout before. It's an anarchist I'll soon
be.-New York Weekly.
$50 you and Dickey have been play
ing soldier. have you. Tommy? hope
you didn't really quarrel with each