davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

A good example Of the caustic humor
Of Scotch examiner floats this way
from we know not where. 1t seems
that Scotch parish schoOlmastcrs are,
on their appointment, examined as
to their literary qualifications. One of
the fraternity being called by his eX-
aminer to translate Horace's ode be-
ginning "Excgi monumentum oere pc
rcnnus," began as follows: "EXegl
monumcntum." q have eaten noun
tain.) "Ah." said one of the examiners,
I'VE medina proceed any further; for
after eaten sic dinner this parish
wad be puir mouthfu' t. ye. Yc maun
try some wider sphere. ."-"Poct Lore
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

The following story is told Of how
Thomas b. Reed was admitted to the
bar in California: Mr.. Reed was being
examined as to his qualifications for
the law along with several companions.
The question WAS the legal tender
act, in your opinion, CONSTITUTIONAL
was asked of the candidate sitting next
to Mr.. Reed. The young man hesItAted,
as well he might, for even the justices
of the supreme court had spent many
weary days hearing arguments on that
particular qdrstlon, and after once de-
Gliding that 1t was unconstitutional aft
erward reversed their decision. While
the young man hcsitatcd, the judge
turned to Mr.. Reed, saying, What do
you think. Mr.. Reed-was the act con
stitutIOnal?"
at was" replied Mr.. Reed, without
moments hesitation.
Every good" was the reply; "you are
admitted to the bar. Any man who can
answer Offhand a question that Is still
puZzling the supreme court of the Unit
ed States is certainly pre-cmincntly
qualified to practice law before this
court."-Washington Letter.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
MEN AND MANNERS.

addison" says Pope, was charm
ing in conversation with intimatcs, but
should stranger be present he sub
sided into silence"
Southey was sedate, stiff and SO
wrapped In the garb of asceticism that
Lamb once told him that "he was
m-made for Il m-nonk but somehow
the c-cowl didn't fit"
Colcridge was luminous IN conversa-
ton and invariably commanded listen
ers, yet the old lady rated his talent
lowly when she declared that she had
no patience with man who had all
the talk to himself
Ben Johnson used to sit silent in
learned company and suck in," as
Fuller said, mot only his wine, but
their several humors." Like Shakes
pcare, he held the mirror up to nature,
hut chose some times to look in the
glass himself.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
APHORISMS.

A useless life Is only an early death.
Goethe.
Nobility should be elective, not her
editary.
Music washes away from the soul
the dust of everyday Tife.-Auerbach.
The joys of meeting pay the pangs of
absence; else who could bear it-Rowe.
No nation can be destroyed while 1t
possesses n good home life.-J. G.. Hol-
land.
He that thinks he can afford to be
negligent Is not far from being poor
Johnson.
Manner Is everything with some peo-
pie, and something with everybody
Bishop Middleton.
The secret of success in life is for q
man to be ready for his opportunity
when it comes.-Disraeli.
1t is the mind that maketh good or
Ill, that maketh wrctchedness Of happi-
ness, rich or poor.-Spenser.
Half the misery in the world comes
from want of courage to speak and
hear the truth plainly and in n spirit Of
Of love.-Mrs. Stowe.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
3BEEHJfEEE
PERSONALITIES.

Yang Tu, China's delegate 10 the
peace congress, was educated at Har-
ward.
Henry Walters Of Baltimore has Civ
IN tu that city $40 200 10 build two pub
lie bathhouScs.
Don Jaime. only son of the Spanish
prctcndcr. Don Carlos, has just won
100000 in II lottery.
EX-Secrctary Whitney's famous sta
bles at Whcatly are 500 feet in length.
The foundation is OF brick and the up
per structure Of pine.
The Marion tIa) Register sums up the
character of Colonel Henderson with
the statement that he "is the only man
in the country who can say God bless
you as 1t should be said"
President Mckinley has agreed 10 at
tend the laying OF the cornerstone OF
the federal building in Chicago on Oct.
.. He will he accompanied by his wife
and at least four members Of the cab
met.
Joseph Jefferson is Il great tea drink
er and has lately been warned by his
physician to give up the habit lest he
should imperll his health. which. since
his illness of Inst winter, continues very
Door
ID. o. Mills, the banker and philan-
thropist who now has Il fortune of
S25,OOOOOO. says that while all his life
has been happy some of his happiest
hours We're when he was Il small Coun-
try merchant.
1t is not an ordinary knighthood that
has been conferred on Sir Henry Stan
ley. The Grand Cross Of the Bath
goes only to general officers who have
particularly distinguished themselves
and to first class diplomatists.
While benjamin Ide Wheeler. the
president elect Of the University OF
California, was an instructor at Har-
ward, President Eliot said Of him, He
seems TO have IN him the stuff To make
the best college president | know"
Admiral Dewey says the first bit OF
fiction he ever read was Robinson
Crusoe." Then he and his sister, now
Mrs. Mary Greeley, started an island
In their fathers barn. where George
was Defoe's hero and his sister Man
Friday.
General Wade Hampton and his
daughter, since the destruction by fire
OF their handsome house and fortune,
have been living In two small rooms In
Columbia, s. G. In an interview Gen
eral Hampton says, Il feel that l did
not lose everything in that fire, for |
saved my sword from the flames"
Richard W. Thompson. "Unclc Dick"
OF Indiana, who recently observed the
ninctieth anniversary Of his birth,
served In congress with Lincoln, John
| Quincy Adams, Calhoun, Clay and
| Webster. He was born In the year that
produced Darwin, Longfellow, Glad
stone, Tennyson, Holmes and other
| great men who are now all dead.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
THECENTEROF POPULATION
where IL Has Been and Where the
Next Census Nay show It to lie.

where IL Has Been and Where the
Next Census Nay show IL to lie.
BY the first national census taken In
1890, when the population of the coun-
try was not much greater than of New
York city today, the center of popula-
ton was % miles east of Baltimore. 1t
was still in the neighborhoOd of Balti-
more, though to the west of that city,
In 1900. In 1910 II was near Washing
ton. In 1920 II was ut Woodstock, Va.
and in 1880. 1910 and 1850 IN the pres
ent state of West Virginia. In 1860 II
was little To the south of Chillcothe,
o., this being the first official appear
ance Of Ohio as the center of popula-
tion, though it has remained the pOlit
ical center Of population steadily ever
since.
In 1870 the center Of population was
on line in OHIO between Chilicothe
and Cincinnati; In 1880 it was in the
neighborhood of Cincinnati, and In
1890, the year of the last national cen
sus. it was in Decatur county, Ind,
near the Ohio boundary and on a line
between Cincinnati and Indianapolis.
The government estimate of the pres
ent population of the United States,
exclusive of countries over which its
sovereignty has been extended, was
T5,O0OOOO on June l, and all sections
of the country have participated
though not equally, in the growth of
population since 1890, when 1t was G.,
600,0OO.
BY the coming census the Ohio and
Mississippi valley states Will probably
be shown to have gained less from di-
rect foreign immigration than in any
previous decade, while the citizens Of
the middle and New England states
have, relatively, gained more. There
has been substantial increase in pop
ulation, larger probably than in any
period since the close Of the civil war,
In the southern and south border
states and u much larger Increase in
those Of the southwest, most notably
in Texas, the total vote OF which In
creased from 2300O0 in 1880 to 100000
In 1890 and $4,000 in 1896. The popu.
lation of Texas (2,2O0,OO0 in 1890 is
probably near 100000.
A state census taken of Kansas In
1895, Oh the other hand, showed the
pOpulat ton of that state to be less than
In 1890. while in the same period the
population of New Jersey had increas
ed 16 per cent Between 1890 and 1896
the population Of Florida increased
from 5000 to 100000, while the pop
ulation of South Dakota (32S00O In
1S9O was returned as 100000 five years
later.
The growth Of population in Ameri
can states between 1890 and 1900 viii
be in accordance with the increase OF
the urban population in each rathel
than with the gain in agricultural dis
tricts. AS majority Of the cities are
in the north it appears likely that the
center of population" in 1900 wifi bt
on or near the banks of the Wabash
in the state Of Indiana, at some poin
northwestcrly from the present center
and nearer the Illinois than the Ohio
state line.-New York Sun.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
THE TRoTTING CIRCUIT.

Willie Martin has resigned from the
FIciSchmam stable and will, ride for
Pat Dunne.
George ii. Mills will do the starting
at the July and September meetings at
Du BOis ia.
II Is said William Deasy's Hard
Times 2:2ja.. has worked several miles
way below 2:2O.
1t Is said that Matt Byrnes, who once
trained for prince George" Lorillard.
will train n string for Pierre Lorillard.
Charles Myers has a good mare In his
stable for the fall races in Bonnie
Maid. She shows rare speed these
days.
1t was said recently that Martimas,
last years FuturityA winner and the
winner Of the Canadian Derby, will be
Il starter IN the Brighton handicap.
Ben MasScth of Butler, Pa, has a
pair of good new ones in Florist. 3, bay
geldug. by Dexter Prince, dam by
Electionccr. and Sans Gene brown
mare by Mckinney, dam by Elmo.
John Madden has bought McMcckin
tfrom c. T. Patterson. Mr.. Madden
thinks the colt has had too much rae
ing and will let him have a rest before
attempting to get him into condition.
\. =. McWillIams, n bridgeport pa
horSeman, has his gray geldlng by Elec-
trOtype, Il son of Electionccr, dam by
Amber in Frank Jackson's stable. He
is 5-year-old and is stepping miles In
better than 2:3O.
One difference between Arion, 2:07A,
and his brother Eclectic is that the
first named once changed hands at
Sl25, while the brother Of Arion,"
as Eclectic has always been known.
sold for $l2j some days ago.
Drum Major, !, bay gcldlng, by
! Chimes. dam by Epaulet, being trained
at Norrstown by Champ Brown, trot-
ted Il quarter last year In 81 seconds
and was second in stake race Mt Go
shcn y. Y, in 2:22 and 2:23.
! The great stallion Advertiser, valued
/ by the late Senator Leland Stanford
1 at over 100000, has arrived safely at
| Stony Ford farm, the birthplace of the
! mighty Electioneer. His record is
2:l5hL and he has been quarter in
3Ol2 seconds.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

Thunder can be heard nine miles
away.
Pearls are sometimes found in mus
sci shells.
There are 65 steamers on the Swiss
lakes. The largest can transport 1000
passengers.
The pima cloth OF the Filipinos is
made from the fiber Of the pineapple
leaf. The cloth is very expensive.
If all the landed surface of the earth
were divided up and allotted in equal
shares. each human inhabltant would
rct plot Of about 231& acres.
The sword of naval officer Is one Of
the most peaceful and useful tools on
board Of ship. Orders cannot be CIV
on with it and it cannot reach tue ene-
my that is being shelled.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
The Missed Dish.

a schoolmastcr IN village school
had been in the habit of purchasing
pork from parents of his pupils on the
occasion Of the killing of the pig One
day n small boy marched up to the
masters desk and inquired "if he
would like Il bit of pork, rs they were
going to kill their pig"
The schoolmastcr replied in the af-
firmativc. Several days having elaps-
ed, and hearing nothing of the pork,
the master called the boy up to him
and inquired the reason he had not
brought it.
"Oh, please, sir" the boy replied,
"the pig got better. Francisco
ArrOnant.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
Ltncoln's Way.

At time when Mr.. Lincoln was ur-
Ser great mental stress during the civil
war Mr.. George IL. leaman. then con
greSsman from kentucky. called upon
him and thus describes the occasion In
the New York Tribune:
THE president was alone AT his desk.
hard at work. and the Congressman
promptly offered to retire and call
again.
NO said Lincoln, sit down. I'll be
through shortly
presently his little son partly open
eel the door. Papa said he. mamma
says the company will soon assemble
The congressman rose. Please he
seated; Wen get TO it directly said
Lincoln.
He continued his work. His face
was very grave; 1t showed anxiety and
melancholy indescribablc. Disasters
had come in the field, and II was not all
harmony among his supporters. Very
soon his barber came in, and again the
congressman offered to retire.
mo said Lincoln; just excuse me
one moment He got up, threw of his
coat. seated himself in one chair and
stretched his long legs across another
The barber lathered his face and com
menccd stropping n razor. When that
was over the president turned his head
and gently asked, Now, what can
doT
The congressman told his mission
1t was considered kindly, decided cor
rectly and he went his way. We need
not compare this with the court eti-
quette of emperors and kings, nor ask
If Washington or Adams. or even JEFF
fcrson. would have SO received a Wis.
itor on business; but 1t was what Abra-
ham Lincoln did"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

II tell you" Mr.. Blllus was saying,
there IS nothing like bunch of keys
to develop ones memory. Now l have
twenty-seven keys on this ring. and |
add a new one every few days, yet
am never at n moments loss to
select the right one when l have Oc-
casion to use IT."
What have you got that brass but
ton strung on there fOri"
"Um-that was put there by my Wife
a DAY or two ago to remind me Of
some trifing thing l was to get for
her, but I've forgotten what it
as."-Chicago Tribune
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
LIQUID Air Power.

Wide currency having been given to
the statement that liquid air promises
to do the work of coal at next to no
cost because an cxperimenter claims
to have produced "ten gallons Of liquid
air by the use of three gallons In an en-
CINE" President Henry Morton of the
Stevens institute has pointed out the
fallacy of the claim. He shows that 1t
really takes 10 times as much power
to make a gallon of liquid air as that
gallon could develop in an ideally per
feet engine.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
Caps OF.

The comedian boardsr allowed his
eyes to roam around the table until
they rested on the strawberries.
ANY one" he said, addressing the
sweet singer, could see that these
berries We're not brought up right"
"And why not?"
Because they come to the table with
their caps on"
Then the laudlady gritted her teeth.
News.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
To Uncle pnul Krurer.

Becp your powder good and dry, Dom Paul;
Never close your weather eye, Dom Paul.
Have your rifle clean and bright,
Look to fore and after sight,
They are planning day and night
You will need to watch them all,
Dom Paul, Dom Paul.
Shoot to kill 'em when you shoot, Dom Paul;
They are coming for the loot. Dom Paul;
They'll be gathering you in,
Just as sure as sin is sin,
For they know you have the 'tin'-
You must battle for 1t all,
Dom Paul Dom Paul -"s
Then get out your little gun, Dom Paul,
For you don't know how to run, Dom Paul;
Don't discuss about the right
When ratiGsnakes In sight, Il
And his pi2en bead shows fght
Don't you do a thing at all.
Not q thing to him at ALL
Dom Paul, Dom Paul. Pilot
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

One of the smart sportsmcn who
were arrested during the row at Au-
teuil after being conducted to the tenn
porary lookup persistently cried: LET
me go for few minutes. | will come
back" Finding that the officers were
obduratc, the young gentleman eventu-
ally took one of them aside and said:
at all events do me little favor. The
third race Is about to be run. Go and
put these 10 louis on horse No. g." The
officer went and presently returned
with the ticket.-Cri de Paris.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
NO. l3.


:" ~ II !. IW''E NIIN I''II Ut
Once upon a time billiuuaire coz
eeivcd the idea that il would be dis
graceful to die rich.
Accordingly. lac fell to giving bis
wealth away. But il soon became 41-
parent that he had more wealth than
he could possibly give away In 400
years. working ten hours day.
What shall dof' he asked himself
In much alarm.
But he was a resourceful man. and
It was not long till he hit upon the
Happy eXpcdicnt Of revealing all his
belongings TO the assessors. That be-
Ing done he was speedily reduced TO
penury.-Detroit Journal.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

II am surprised" said the professor,
that the value Of the mushroom Is not
more widely understood. Now, 4 mush,
room is both palatable md wholesome.
IT.
Excuse me, professor" said the bar
barlan, who had been ncrvously toying
with his war paint brush, but before
l get into this argument with you. let
me understand one thing. Are you
talking about vegetables or bulletsp'-
Washington Star.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
Odd, Isn't 1tf

II cannot understand" said the
sweet young thing, what Kipling
meant by half devil and half child"
Nor l." said the savage bachelor,
when both phrases mean essentially
the same thing"
In the meanwhile the small boy
boarder continued to play that the hail
freight train-Indianapolis Journal
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
A Hard Question.

There Is something" writes war
rlor from Manila, which has been
bothering me for q long time. VIII
you please allow enough space in your
heart to heart talks to answer one
question? Owing to the fact that live
in the Philippines l am known as n
Filipino. If | were to move to Phila-
delphia. would | become q Filadel-
fan Washington Star.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
Hardly Fit For Either,

II hardly know what to do with that
young man." said the plumber, speak
ing Of a recent employee.
"Why?'
well, he isn't prompt enough to be
given the task of making out the bills,
and he isn't .procrastinating enough
to be success at doing the work. -
Chicago Post.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

TO remove frecklcs mix one ounce or
lemon juice, a quarter of n dram OF
powdered bomx, half dram Of pull
verizcd sugar and let 1t stand IN glass
for few days: then apply 1t and let 1t
dry on the skin. Or apply with linen
cloth two teacupfuls of sour milk. If
a girl frcck1e easily. she should keep
this lotion and use it frequently, being
careful not TO allow 1t to touch her
ewes. Ladies' Home Journal
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

"That Bunsby girl is a genius"
(which one|
"Mary Jane"
"In what way|
'See how her name figures on the
Of graduating exercises.
Here it is 'Marye Jeanne De Bunnes-
bic '"-Clcveland Plain Dealer.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

'"This sonnet you have written to me
is simply delicious, Algernon! Only
the title, TO My Heart of Hearts,
Sweet Love is little vague. You
might substitute TO Miss Mary
Sharpe and put the date, please.
You'll find n pen and ink on my escri-
toire over onder"'-Tit. Bits.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
Fat and Irritable.

Anxious Wife-I hope the stuffin
won't upset you, William.
Mr.. Perkins misunderstanding the
remarkt-What dye mean-what dye
mean? Confound it, I'm not glutton!
Ally SloDcF
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

"You are charged" said the court,
with rioting."
ITS mistake, Judge" replied. the
prisoner ME and Bill decided to have
a scientific boxing encounter, and not
having the price Of Il hall we jest pull
ed it off in the alley."-Philadelphia
North American.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
During the Hot Smell.

Aggie-Harry. dear. | don't believe
you love me rs well as you once did!
Harry pale but resolute)-Aggie,
darling, you give me so little OppOrtu7
nifty between ice creams to prove my
deyotion! Chicago Tribune
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

Mr. Singleton-Nfiss Willing-er-NeI-
lie-you don't care If drop the Miss"
and call you Nellie, do you?
Miss Willing-No, indeed! Why, only
yesterday I remarked to mamma that
| was getting awfully tired of being
called Miss. s."-Chicago News.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
She VIII Get Over II.

Young Mr.. Justwed-My darling.
why are you crying?
Young Mrs. Justwed-I have just
read here (boo-hooD that all the world
loves lover. Harry, swear to me that
you do not reciprocate their horrid af-
fections!-PhilHdelphia North Ameri-
con
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
fnexplicable.

"I read in the newspaper" said Mr..
Snaggs. that the merchants of Manila
never think OF wrapping up a custom
er's purchases and that Manila is prac-
tically city without wrapping paper"
Then how did the place get its
nameT asked Mrs Snaggs. pittsburg
ChrOnicle
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

tney USED To sing ~ or % years ago.
Mr.. Doggerel-Do you sing them YETI
Ycast-Will you take your talking
machine with you to the country;
Crimsonbcak No; my wife's going
along.
Chollie-Mollle said was good
enough to eat.
Dollie-She probably thinks you are
n lobster.
She-Do you suppose we are ever to
have any rain:
He-Oh, yes; rs soon as the picnic
season comes.
Shc-Do you believe empty wells are
unhcalthyf
He-N6; not If they are empty ink
wells, | don't.
Bill-Did the lecturer make many
gestures in his speech2
Jill-Why, he had to; the flies were
something terrible!
She-l believe you are a woman
hater.
He-No; honestly, I've never been
married In my life!
She-IIavc you seen any of the auto
mobile baby carriages YETI
He-No, have not. haven't been
to Brooklyn in dong while,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
EXpericnCe.

Deepin Love-What Is the best day
In the week to get married on, old
chap?
Hadder Knuff-Friday, my boy; then
you'll have something to blame it on
afterward.-Tit-Bits.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
The Worst Ever.

Burgllng Bills he lazy? Why,
honestly, If dat fcller wuz goin ter
commit murder, he'd do 1t in New York
state sos he could sit down when he
died.-Kansas City Independent.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
COrnerinR n .Linr.

He-This scene always makes me
feel In love.
She-In love? This is our first walk
here, and you told me you never loved
before. Explain yourself.--Pick Me
Cp.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

Bentley-How did Larkins meet his
death? When we left him last night
he seemed unusually Jolly.
Vosburg-He tried to blow out the
electric light in his room and burst a
blood vessel.--Harlem Life.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21

Jack Bessie and her brother Bob
are twins, are they notf
Mabel-They used to he, but when
Bob's hair began to turn gray Bessie
couldn't afford to be Of the same age
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
First Family.

Miss Pr!mm-Perhaps you wouldn't
think that | belong to one Of the first
families?
Mr.. Simms-Indeed | would, then.
FHct is, I'd take you to he the oldest
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1899-07-21
Denrs and Lnmhs.

Stubb-Onc-half of the world don't
tnow what the other half is doing.
Penn-That's because the other half
Is doing them.--Chicago News.