Mesa free press., 1899-01-13
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sadder than to have loved and lostT
Hennypeck (promptly)-'To have loved
and got her.
Artist-How do you Ike the portrait?
Sitter-Well, don't exactly like the
nose. Artist-Neither do I; but it's
yours.-Tit-Bits
Doctor-"This medicine Is to be taken
on an empty stomoch." Patient
That's all right-I've just been to
five o'clock tea"
Hicks-"Every dog has his day, my
boy" Dick Hicks-"Then why do they
fght? Hicks-'I suppose it frequent
ly happens that two of them have the
same day."-Life.
Indignant Woman-This dog 1
bought of you came near eating my lit
tie girl the other day. Dealer-Well,
you said you wanted a dog that was
fond Of children, didn't you?-House-
hold Words.
Hiram describing his trip to the
city)-I went inter the store an got in
one of them things that take you right
up tew the roof in jiffy-what dyer
call 'em, Marthy? Martha-Them's
shoplifters.
Patriotic customer-Yes, I'd like to
buy that flag you just showed me, but
the price is too high. Can't you come
down couple of dollars? Dealer
What! Lower Old Glory? Never!-Cin-
cinnati Enquirer.
Smithers society poet)-"T am think
ing of issuing volume with wide mar
gins. Do you like the idea?" Miss De
FactO (warmly)- Indeed, you cannot
make your margins too wide for me. /
adore blank verse;" Harlem Life.
Miss Parvenu Gust home from
abroad)-There we saw Venus de Milo.
She was very lovely, but she had no
arms. Miss Geraldine Parvenu (who
stayed at home)-Did you look on the
door Of her coach ?-Detroit Journal
"Oh, mamma, don't read any more
about cannibals being wicked for cook
ing the missionaries. Why, my own
dads as bad as any of them; 1 heard
him tell you himself that at dinner last
night he toasted all his friends" ALLY
Sloper.
Possible Boarder-"Now, my friend,
] enjoyed my dinner very much, and il
/ it was fair sample Of your meals l
should like to come to terms" Farmer
-"First Of all, stranger, wus that a
fair sample Of your appetite ?'-B Brook
lyn Life.
Visiting Humorist-I saw a new gag
to-day on the Jersey mosquitoes. Jer-
seyite (soberly)-Don't deceive yerself,
young man. Yew may hev seen suth-
in on 'em that looked like gag, but
ten to one it's only some new-fangled
contrivance fer gettin' a better holt
Judge.
81 don't know whether to regard this
young author ass a marvel Of courtesy
or a phenomenal specimen of assur-
ance," said the magazine EDITORS as
sistant. "What has he done? "In-
closed stamp to be put on the check
in payment for'his article" washing
ton Star.
Wife (who has the foreign language
"spasm"-"John, do you know I'm get
ting on splendidly with my French?
am really beginning to think in the
language" Husband interested in his
paper)-'Is that so? Let me hear you
think little while in French" Our
Dumb Animals.
First Theosophist-"T settles it;
resign from the society" Second The
osophist-"What's the matter?" First
heosophist-"Why, one of my tenants
has gone off without paying his rent
and left me a note saying he would try
to square with me in some future ex-
nce."-New York Herald.
A recruit, wishing to evade service,
was brought up for medical inspection,
and the doctor asked him: "Have you
any defects?'' "Yes, sir; am short
sighted "How can you prove it"
"Easily enough, doctor. Do you see
that nail up yonder in the WALTZ"
"Yes." "Well, l t"-Tid-Bits.
: "That was thrilling sight at that
lodginghouse fire." said the shoe-clerk
boarder; Il got there just in time to
see three men jumping out of the win
dow" Nothing remarkable in that"
said the cheerful idiot; ''the air is al
ways filled with flying rumors in war
times. s."-Indianapolis Journal.
Mr.. Giglamps (who has been caught
by keeper with some fish in his basket
under taking ize)-"Oh-er-well,y you
see, fact is, my glasses a
good deal. Make things look larger
than they really arew Keeper about
to receive smaller tip than meets the
occasion)-"Ah makes yer put down a
shillin' when yer means 'alf a crown,
} sometimes, l dessay, sir"-Punch.
''Hold on!' cried tre proud young
father, as he rushed down the aisle
"hold on! Before the baby is chris
tened l want to change his name."
s'Why," the good man asked, as he was
about to sprinkle the child's head,