davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Almost Unnerved Her.

Marie-Maude and I were downtown
yesterday, and as we were walking
along one of the streets we looked up
and saw men on ladder, painting d
building. They must have been at
least 200 feet above the ground, and all
of a sudden one of them slipped and al
most fell. I was terribly shocked.
Harry-I'm not surprised at that. I
suppose in your minds eye you could
see the poor fellow shooting down
through the air, even though he sue
ceeded in saving himself.
"Oh, it wasn't that. In his awkward
grab at something he upset his paint
and big splotch of it came right down
on my new spring wrap. Did you ever
hear of anyone who had such luck as I
!"-Chicago Evening News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
A wonderfuI New violet

Signor Emilio, Borgiotti, an enthusi-
astic lover of flowers, near Pistoja,
Italy, has succeeded in producing a new
species of violets six centimeters in di.
ameter, and having from 70 to 100 pet
ais. He has presented some of his pre-.
cious violets to Queen Margherita and
to the duchess of Aosta, as well as to
many women of the aristocracy, but in
spite of the entreaties of many florists
he still refuses to place them on the
market or to reveal the cross by which
he has obtained this marvelously beau.
tiful flower.-N. Y. Sun.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

Mrs. Newlywed-I want you to do q
little five-minute GRAND for me to-
night, John, On your way home from
work.
Mr.. Newlywed- right, love. Hur-
ry up and tell me what it is as quick as
possible, for I've got to be down to the
office by haf-past nine, and it's seven
o'clock now-Judee.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

A Long Island farmer who sends his
produce to New York was asked by his
little son:
Papa, do you know what the hired
man didn't do this morning."
NO, my son, what was it?''
He didn't put any water in the milk
cans he sent to New York"
That's very darned queer. don't
know what to make of it. If he does
that ag'in I'll lose confidence in him.
Tammany Times.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Not Taking Any.

Hostess-Have some boiled rice, Mr.
Penhecker?
Penhecker-No, thank you; I never
touch it.
Host-I'm surprised at that, Pen It's
very wholesome, and
Penhecker with shudder)-Its the
associations, dear boy. I've never eaten
it since my wedding day-AIly Sloper-
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Not Quite Certain.

yes, Eddie was slightly wounded in
the first fight. We lave letter from
the regimental surgeon.
where was he wounded?"
I'VE are not quite sure The sur
geon mentioned the place, but we don't
know whether it is an anatomical
phrase or a Filipino town.-Chicago
Democrat.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

Hoax-It seems to me that the girl
Henpeck married is making him good
wife
Joax-Looks to me more as IL she was
making him a good husband. He'll
soon be model, hear-PhiIadeIphia
North American.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Harsh Criticism.

"Yes," she remarked, as she turned
from that piano, at is said that Beeth-
oven had sweetheart
WELL" he replied, heartIessiy, SITS
to be hoped she didn't play him false,
as you've just been doing."-PhiIadeI-
phia Bulletin,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
: A Poor Memory.

Magistrate-You are charged with
being drunk and disorderly.
Prisoner can remember being dis
orderly, your honor, but I don't re-
member anything about being drunk.
IN. Y. journal,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

Newly Wed-You're a jolly old soul,
Col. Crabapple, in spite of your peri
odical fits of iii nature Why don't you
climb the matrimonial tree
Crabapple-Because, sir, I'm neither
a bird nor a monkey. - Cleveland
Leader.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
His interest,".

II want to see the airship an estab-
ished factor in our everyday life," re-
marked the skeptic.
"You think it would be particular
ly useful institution?''
''No. I'd like to live that long; that's
1l."-Washington Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Carrying It, to an Extreme.

Carfying 1t to an Extreme. e
Mrs. Beasley is always thinking Of
her husband. She never. does anything
without considering him."
well, that's nice of her"
Eyes, but it seems to me she over
does it sometimes. When the men
came to paint their house yesterday she
wouldn't let them go ahead until she
had selected colors that would har-
monte with her husbands new striped
blrts."-Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

She wrote some sweet verses prfzs-wfn-
ner, I guess
On the dear girl of old in her calico dress
With the check which it brought she sped
quickly downtown
And blew IT all in for stylish silk gown
CHICAGO Record
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
vet nj All pevhtf.r.

First Sweet Thing you believe he
really means business?
Second Sweet Thing-rm quite sure
of it, love. All his presents are such
very useful articles.-AIIy SIoper.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
\ Helpful Contrast.

do you like your new neighbors?"
.'Very much; their children are so
bad that they make our children seem
good. Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

The Young One-What is the best
method for me to pursue in order to
get ahead in the worlde
The Old Man-Male q practice of be-
ing out nights with the boys.-N. Y.
World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Driven to 1t.

Browne-Do you think music is
healthful?
Towne-I know it. There is musi-
clan next door to us.
Browne-Well, what effects have you
noticed?
Towne-That we get large amount
of fresh air.-Brooklyn Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

Some people hold that Iife's joke.
And laugh to scorn the woes Of men,
Until they meet hard luck themselves,
And-well, of course, IFS different then.
Chicago Daily News
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

Doctor-Sow, here is the prescrip-
ton, and it will be bad stuff to take
Can you tolerate something disagree
able?
Patient-Can I? Why, doctor, you
met my wife.-N Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
The Seasons Madness.

The humble clerk now leaves his pen,
The merchant prince his hoard,
To join mighty throng of men
Who sit upon board
And howl in frenzied gIadness when
Another run is scored
Il. a. W. Bulletin
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
SDeeCh.

What silences we keep year after year
With those who are most near to US and
dear:
For we'll we know that If we once let down,
The things we told would fly all round the
town.
CHICAGO Record,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
One Sign OF Spring.

He hears the morning ROSTERS crow.
"Ah, spring IS here" he gives shout
For tits sign by which to go
When early cro-cusses are out.
Brooklyn Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

Little Elmer-Papa, isn't cynic .
man who is tired OF everybody?
Prof. Broadhead-Yes; and of whom
everybody is tired.-Puck.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Costs to Get Out.

The world is but feeting show, to
which. all are admitted free-but it
sometimes costs lot to get out. - Chi
cago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Unsuccessful DOCTOR.

Some doctors remind one Of patience
sitting on a monument because of the
monuments sitting on their patients.-
Chicago daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

Must Tfy SOme tn1ng E1Se.
Pinks-Say, old man, do you know
of any cure for insomnia?
Jinks-Counting one thousand is
said to be. remedy.
Pinks-Confound it, that's what ev-
erybody tells me, but the baby's too
young to count.-Philadelphia Rec
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

A Moan from the GuardhOuse.
Twas in fit of childish pique
struck my captain on the Clique.
He got 80 mad he scarce could spique,
Then ordered me for many a wique
To occupy this cell so blique.
Oh. would that I had been more mique
John C.. M. Valentine, in st. Nicholas.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Csv,e ..A Eaees.

Mamma went to the auctioa.~
"And thenr
"WelI, then papa went into banlr
ptcy."-Chicago Post.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
All Roads Lead to the Mi11iner

Mr.. Hornbill-Do you know, darling,
I could pick you out of crowd of won-
en- just by your style?
Mrs. Hornbill-I don't wonder, and
me with this same old dress for the last
/ two years!-Brooklyn Life.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Why IA Mourned.

& Funeral Director Ito gentleman)-
Are you one Of the mourners?
Gentleman-Ye1; he owed be $780,
Tt-Bita.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
He Got No ONCE.

There was a politician,
Who had a business eye;
am one of the common people!'
This was his daily cry.
am one of the common people!'
And so, 1t came to pass,
The common people loved him 80.
They kept him in their class.
indianapolis Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
Facts in Naturnl H,.torv

''------ y dCtD N NUIUFUI H18t0fye -
Tommy--Pa, my teacher says acamel
can 60 Is days without water.
His Pa-H'm-so can II mean that's
a very long time, my son, very long
,time.-N. Y. World.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

Wifey-Don't think that you are the
only man. refused one a month be-
fore we were engaged.
Hubby-Who was the-er-happy
n?-Moonshine.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02

The Prophet Of Evil.
You say that ruin must occur.
Oh, tell US, gentle skepsic,
Are you a great philosopher
Or just a plain dyspeptic?
-Washineton Star.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-06-02
A MATRIMONIAL TIFF.

Chicago Record.
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26
FOR AND AGAINST.
Legislature over Passage Of an
Anti-O Cleo Bill.

Topeka Kan, Jan. 25.-In sll prob.
ability the hardest fight Of the present
session of the legislature will be that
over the bill which has been intro.
duced In the senate and house by Sen.
ator Hanna, Of Clay, and Mr.. Grosser,
Of Dickinson, prohibiting, under Sc.
we're penalties, the manufacture and
sale Of oleomargarine, butterine or
any substitute for butter. Back of the
fight in favor Of the bill stands the Kan.
sas Creamery company. The passage
Of the bill will be vigorously opposed
by the packing houses and the stock
yards at Kansas City. The National
Creamery association, which held its
annual meeting at Topeka last spring,
appropriated $1,000 for Legislative
purposes This money and per.
haps more raised from the local cream.
cry interests of the state will be used
in lobbying the ELECTROMAGNETIC
bill through the legislature. The cat.
tlemen in the house-those who handle
cattle to sell on the market and not
for dairy purposes-are opposed to the
bill. They claim that If the legisla-
ture should prevent the use of the
olien which is in CATTLE it would re.
1uce the price Of cattle several dollars
on each head.
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26
STANDING COMMITTEES.


Topeka, Kan, Jan. "a Speaker Os.
born in the house yesterday named the
following standing committees, which
completes the list. In every instance
the first named Is chairman of the
committee.
County lines and county seats-J G. Starr.
George l. Reed, A. A Thorp, II A. Nichols
X b Anderson John T. Baker, Frank Reeder,
D. p King. T. G Rodgers
Public buildings and grounds-J, W. Adams,
j. WEIGH, John Irving, 4 II. Ford, W, Il.
Coulson, T. S Elder, L. Il Smith
State library-W r Bigham, j b Reming-
ton, George W. Wheatley, j. b Sweet Will
liam n Short, Matt Edmonds. Jacob Fogle,
Education--G Grattan. A. J. Stanley Gil
man Carles S X Kutz b Adams, W. f.
Osborn, NJ Marks E G. Prather J. A. De-
Bard
Printing additional membersl George l..
Reed, M. M Fuller, A. d Godschalk, William
NJ Rhinehart d h King jerome Shoup
Private corporations-N p. Willis, j G,
Rees, Ed Heeney + G. Rodgers Fred B.
Wheeler, Charles Harris, d, O. Tenny
Manufacturing-Da D. Hoag, W c.
Stephenson. l. Scott H. A Nichols, Theo
Alderman, NJ NJ Haskin, D. P. McLaren
Roads and highways--S s Longley, Sher-
man Medill, John T. Baker. H. c. Snyder, r
Anderson, W, NJ Rhinehart, X W. Bowman
Alfred Lawson, Charles Wright
Militia-A A. Thorp A. W. Henley, Josiah
crosby d McLaren, D. O Tenny, IL f.
Mason, Charles Harris
Enrolled bills-J. b Adams, d. r. Campbell,
y j. Flannely, N p, Willis. Il j. Richardson.
II p Gillispie, NJ NJ Haskin
Banks and bankine-H + Geissler, J. A.
Walsh w G Iv-iaw Ad.u. II
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26
TWO RIGID BANK BILLS.
Measures In the Kansas Hou,e That Ara
Designed to Protect Depositors-
Guaranty Fund scheme.

Topeka, Kan, Jan. 2l.-lf a bill in.
troduced in the house by Burkholder
(reph OF Marion, becomes a law. il
will be a difficult matter for persons
to get into the banking business in
Kansas after this. They will not only
have to have money, but also good
moral character and business abil.
ity, When an application is made
for a bank charter the bank
commissioner and guaranty fund
commissioners shall investigate the
financial, moral and business standing
OF the applicants and the necessity of
bank for that particular locality. If
the application is favorablv acted
upon then charter shall be issued
II 1t is denied, then no bank shall be
started.
Representative Burkholder also in.
PRODUCED a bill creating guaranty
fnnd for the protection Of bank de.
positors This bill has many of the
features of the Breidenthal bill. II
provides that all state and private
banks shall deposit five per cent. Of
their deposits with the state treas.
urer, the interest on which is to po
into a fund to pay depositors of de.
funct banks.
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26
BY UNANIMOUS VOTE.
The Kansas House Urges Stock en- to Work
for Uniform stock Yards Liquidation
Money for Extra session.

Topeka, Kan, Jan. 25.-The house
yesterday, by unanimous vote, under
suspension of the rules. put itself on
record in favor OF the new stock wards
law and urged the National Live Stock
association, now in session in Denver,
to bring influence to bear to secure
the passage of a similar law in all OF
the western states. The Kansas law
is now before the Missouri legislature,
and the Kansas legislature earnestly
hopes to see the Missouri assembly en-.
act 1t into a law.
A bill introduced by Representative
Henley in the house brought out q
new discussion on the legality Of the
special session of the state legislature.
The bill was prepared by the ways
and means committee. 1t provides
that an appropriation be made to pay
the expenses Of the extra session and
to authorize the state treasurer to pay
the vouchers Of representatives, sena-
tors and employees during that session.
The populists insisted that the
bills for the extra session should
be paid by that session. notwithstand.
ing Attorney General Godard's deci.
sion. After much discussion the bill
was passed by strict party vote, pop.
ulists voting solidly against it.
Among the house bills introduced
were the following:
To resubmit the prohibition liquor law to q
vote Of the people and for the adoption of the
local option system
To exempt from taxation wagons having
tires six inches wide and providing for sub
mission OF four-inch tire proposition to the
voters OF county at any general election upon
q petition OF % per cent OF the taxpayers also
a Dill requiring county TO improve any public
highway upon petition signed by q majority
OF the taxpayers within one-half mile on either
side CT the road desired to be improved
To prohibit the writing Of fire insurance In
kansas by dummy agents in the future and
providing that oil policies written must be ap-
proved and signed by the resident bona ide
local agent Of a company, and that contracts
written by dummies" shall be held as void
To require the governor to appoint one wom-
an to membership on the board Of charities
and to require the board to appoint woman
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26
MORE HOUSE COMMITTEES.


Topeka, Kan, Jan. 2O.-When the
house met Speaker Osborn announced
eight more OF his committees. They
are as follows:
Railroads-John Seaton, Atchison, chair.
man David d Hong W. A. Coy, Ed Heenes,
Emil Grosser, J. X. Tulloss s s Longley, D.
b King. X. W. Bowman, D, p McClaren, W.
X Bpham N. p, Willis, A. B. Shoemaker, Il
@ Mendenhall, II +. Mason, G. n johnson,
X r. Rees
State offalrs-John Francis, Allen, charman
j. Remington, w. NJ Renhart II Il Moore
George n. Poison, O W. Fairchild, Charles
Wright
Mines and minlng-George w. Wheatey
Cherokee, chairman; Robert b Anderson.
Sherman Medille z L. Wise, ]. G. Rees, d II
Campbell, l. Heberling. Matt Edmonds,
Jacob Fogle u Loomis p. e Gregory, II W.
Conrad, H. A. Smith
Penal institutions--T j Flannely, Labette
chairman; I. l. Hogue H. c. Snyder, II. A.
Nickels, IL A Smith H. W. Conrad X h
Moore, F N Woodward A ]. Stanley, G NJ
Biddle, lson Wright Il, e Smith. s G. Martin.
Charitable institutions-R @. Mendenhall
Linn, chai. man; j. A. Welsh, W. ~ Osborn, A.
IL Abrams, L J. Richardson, George W.
Gabriel, l. R. Wright
Hygiene and public health-A A. Shelley,
sherman, chairman W. f. Osborn q. +.
Johnston. Il. b. Reser, S r Rutz George W.
Gabriel Willard +, Marks
Assessment and taxation-lsmil Grosser,
Dickinson, chairman; George W Wiley Robert
u Anderson, T. j. Flannely, w. N Beezley,
William I. Short Il 2. Gillisple, j. A DeBard,
W. s Finley.
Printing Charles Harris, Lyon; W. H. Ward,
A W. Henley, j C. Starr, John Harper. II S.
Elder Frank Reeder
The populists are not satisfied with
the committee representation accorded
them by Speaker Osborn and In caucus
last night adopted q resolution Of pro.
test
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26

Topeka, Kan, Jan. 49, Gov Stanley
has appointed three members of the
state board OF charities as follows.
George Kanavel, Of Harvey county, as
chairman and Reuben Vincent, of
Washington county, and J. M. Snyder,
OF Jefferson county. They are all re-
publicans and old soldiers. They will
succeed Senator Jumper, Frank Shane
and W. d. Street
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26

ny lcian iof every inst .u.ion W wu.vn wvAuel
ase sem.
7" authorize railroad and express companies
to sell perl>hable goods. unc amed or refused.
after 4 b urs
The concurrent resOlu ton in troduced
in the senate BY Campbell, OF Labette.
declaring it 10 be the sense OF the leg.
islalnre that at the present session
provision should be made for the cree
ton OF u new insane asylum, was de-
fested in The senate. 8t M
The following senate bills were rec
commended for passage:
To compel the payment OF wages In lawful
money! designe to prevent the payment Of
scrip now used In mining sections
Making February L. Lin On's birthday, q
legal holiday
The following senate bills were in.
troduced:
TO provide means by which counties shall
paw for thu treatment received by drunkards at
institutions for inebriation. =
10 mako 1t q misdemeanor punishable by q
fin OF from to rSl for any person to allow
bis domestic an mails to run at large and tres.
pass on others property.
10 prevent eastern states from unloading
their criminals, psupers and orphans In Kan
sas The bill provides that persons guilty Of
inducing CT bringing such persons into the
state shall b deemed guilty Of misdemesnor,
puni,hnoe BY = tne no. to exceed sl0O, OF i'm
prisonment not exceeding three months, or
both Hne and Imprisonment
Appropriating money to pay state dsh com.
missioner.
Providing for the erection OF new building
at the Hutchinson reformatory.
Requiring railroads to put 10 scales and give
duplicate bills Of lading.
10 au,h0riz, and empower any city Of the
first SCI ond and third class 10 condemn any
waterworks plant, electric light tlant or gas
plant including the franchises Of the same, and
to provide for raising money to pay for the
same, and repeating all laws In conflict here
with
10 anpropriate 1000 for q state normal at |
Great Bend THE town offers building val. |
ued at ~ 900 and ten acres Of land to the state
for use Of the school)
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26
GN1, Him Grand Jnrv'a poweva

Topeka, Kan, Jan. %. -Secre tarv
Stephens, OF the state temperance
union, has written letters to county
attorneys urging their support Of
Burkholder's bill, which provides that
a county attorney shall have power to
go before a justice Of the peace and
have subpenas issued for any person
he may wish, compelling them to come
before him to give testimony relative
to the violations Of the prohibitory
law The measure clothes county at.
torneys with the power Of a grand
jury. n
Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1899-01-26

Albany, N. Y, Jan. 25. AT a Dewey
dinner given here last night, William
I. Dewey, of Montpelier, nephew Of
Admiral Dewey, quoted from letter
received only day or two ago from
the admiral, who stated that ARuin.
aldo was fast losing his strength with
the natives and could be disposed Of as
disturbing factor in hurry were il
not that he is bolstered up with false
hopes that congress will refuse to
ratify the treaty.