The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-09-17

Tho Major nodded imprcssiyey. returned
his look unnnchingly. tried 10 think Of some.
thing original 10 say and failed in the attempt,
OF course. And snore and snore / repeated.
The Majors face took on a plying expression.
Have drink he said
Il quaffed the glass Of water he handed me
and presently he resumed
81 generally snorc in n fiat, although can
vary the key at will. and have a beautiful sym
phony In Il minor and fugue in ID which some
times render when am particularly tired and
out Of sorts When began 10 cultivate my snorc
there were many defects In it But II Is much
easier 10 train than voice for singing.
and In a comparatively short time had it under
such excellent control that roulades, scherzos and
cadenzas were given with the utmost purity of
tone and in exact time, whether largo, andanto
or allegro. oh. madam il is sad 10 contemplate
the ruhessness with which people destroy 9p-
portunitcs for happiness II the thoughtless
herd could only be made 10 understand that they
have within themselves unlimited possibilities
for enjoyment, and that II instead Of resorting
to inhuman and painful devices for the proven
ton Of snoring they would but train those or
gans OF sound, the human would be infinite
ly benefited. Each person could then become
a whole orchestra or chorus within himself and
could sAve anywhere from twenty five cents 10
ten dollars a week
Il had partially recovered my senses by that
time and found that had something TO say
there Yes, Major, interposed, but would not
this plan result in financial disaster 10 many1
Just think Of the countless composers and per
formers who would be thrown out Of employment
your method OF musical recreation 10 be-
come universal
"'Other avenues would be opened to them re-
piled the Major TRANQUILITY. I am about to write
a treatise on that subject which hope TO have
completed and published this year But before
doing 80. want to get these clippings arranged
systematically. When l awoke TO the fact that
there was harmony in my snore began TO study
this supposedly vulgar habit from an aesthetic
and scientific point Of view. Here you will find
accumulated selections from learned essays.
recipes for curing snoring and Jokes about il in
both poetry and prose. | have gone through
thousands Of books i'll public and private Ii
braries seeking information. and whenever
have como across the slightest reference to snor-
ing ! have copied and preserved the item
What do you think Of my idea
81 did not wish to commit myself outright IT
is too great an undertaking to be commented on
without some consideration l returned diplo-
matically.
"'You are right said he with pleased smile
1t is a great undertaking. When look back on
what have accomplished 1 am thrilled with
pride Nothing like II has ever been done. But
there is one thing to mar my happiness Here
the Major voice took tone of regret. Shores,
like souls have twins Each snore has mate
somewhere which is its counterpart and compile
ment Somewhere in the universe there is another
snore in Is fiat that does the symphony in + minor
and the fugue in ID with all their trills and var-
atoms Until these two meet neither will reach
its potential heights of submty Artistic as
my shore mas become. " woulu DC increased IN
brlhancy by being joined by another oil the same
volume ana umDrc. but you VIII ma all 'hls e1-
plaihed III INC brochure am ABOUT l" write Nhch
can you begin on my scrap DOCK
At once replied. promptly
! set I" work mat afternoon. MAJOR Aper-
deems COLLECTION oil notes on snoring was certainly
unique ana gave evidence Vi remarkably "iue
range oil fcadlhg, COMPRISING as II uiu essays
c"up'e' aua"aihs epigtahis anu Puhs Mhich
were the essence oil eccentric wit The Major
was particularly iona OIL 'he poen'al illusions.
ana often when Watching ME as sorted arranged
ana pasted worked Ill MS hotatE ana uhuff
ms difec' supervision he "oulu lean oack III
MS ica'hei 'nH'' anu ieped' iiho ai"' "e Vi WIS
'Nna"tuinats verse III '"he9 vi s"usa' "'i'' mere
was one excerpt tha' ITO was "oh' W ic'A'e WIN
espe'lai guslo' ~ was an ahonS NOUS 'oiul-
oulon 10 London daiiy newspaper OF jan TO-
1896 ana was hcaueu An hpoioSs no
H"''et ''''"" lis -''''' 10 i''"'e 'i.As w
\gaii's' IL was SUCH peeuna' ,''its '"a'
nave never io'."''ch II anu give !" you 90
all example vi INC Ma!o' 'aS" III F'e"s'
Snore on. thou great and mighty Plato snore.
to , tS ~ snnsre II, srr,.
And know that thy philosophy is rotten to the core.
lis not man sonl embodied III sweet notes als-
But the music OF the snore cnchan,s thy car
SO snore thou on
at other times the Major would discourse clo-
ouently on the many advantages accruing to
those addicted to snoring. Then. having grown
weary from excessive effort he would HE himself
away To dreamland and revive his drooping spirits
with Messages from the symphony for the fugue
Having many illustrations Of the art Of snoring
"A practiccd nv Major Aberdeen. soon learned TO
know his peculiar snorts and snarls SO well that
could have distinguished him among ten thousand
snorers but in spite Of my deficiency in that
rcspect nv scnsibilities were so obtuse either
from deficient musical acumen or prejudice