The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-08-27
THE MAJORS SILENT CLUB
AFTER HIS THIRD FIT, 1T BEGAN TO
HOLD SESSIONS.


bers We're Papier Maohe with Feelings.
There are clubs and clubs" remarked the diff
dent looking man, who had been around the world
THE most remarkable clup that ever belonged 10
l managed myself, although was only an honor
AIRY member. called it the Silent Club"
ANY women in it,"
Il certainly have reason TO remember that there
was one lady. She in love with me and
crushed her"
How romantic"
Not exactly You sec didn't know that sho
was in love with me at first In fact didn't know
she was there until my friend Maj. Harriet, told
me-"
Invisible LADY,"
We'll to tell the truth, she was invisible TO mo,
but Harriet saw her and he said she az beauti-
full as she was good"
Tell us about It"
1T occurred in a dingy commercial hotel In dingy
Fleet street in dingy London. not a stone throw
from the Cheshire Cheese. where old Sam johnson
and his friend Colby used to sup on beefsteak pud-
ding and little rumpa Twas knocking out a living
somehow then. but my time was my own. which
fact enabled me TO Join the Silent Club. II
started by Harriet having three fits before could
get a doctor TO him. / only knew enough OF cpl
lepsy 70 foroo the handle OF tooth brush between
his teeth to prevent him from biting his tongue So
far know. that's the only treatment the doctors
use II seoms that Harriet had been doing good
deal Of entertaining in quiet way In the smoking
room for several weeks As he seldom left tho
hotel the gloom OF Fleet street and the social ses-
siona held 70 couneract II did the business for him
Seeing how things were as was his closest friend
then in London, had a sofa moved into his room
so that could play trained nurse for awhile. II
was my first and last appearances in the role.
had Mai Harriet several daya before
the Silent Club was organized in that room Dur
ing those days found that there were more things
In heaven and earth than were dreamt Of In my
philosophy. My duties as a nurse made 1t neces
sary for me 10 disentangle him from the twisted
coils Of the bed clothing with which he wrestled
grievousy while he rekeed with the sweat OF battle
Having finally quelled the agitation by the aid Of
my physical strength and dose Of bromide, the
major rcproved me for interfering
"'I was only he remarked reproachfully, 'un-
coiling the sea serpent who had got tied into q
knot
Although the Major did not seem to waste much
appreciation on my services. l was enabled TO
sist him in various ways. took away many
bucketfuls Of sauirming cells which he said in
commodcd him in the bed I removed a giant
kangaroo from the room at his request Finding
that 1t annoyed him TO have the black cat which,
he said sat on the foot Of his bed constantly chang
ing into pair Of goloshes, had both taken down
stairs There were some matters that were, so TO
speak outside OF my jurisdiction. was unable.
for instance. TO cope with the situation when the
Major complained that tight wire had been intro
duced into the room running from wall TO wall.
On this wire no less parsonage than his Satanic
Majesty executed dance He ieered at the Major,
but finally made some amends for his intrusion
and rudcness by painting beautiful sea view on
the ceiling with his tail At least the Major said it
was a beautiful sea view and It seemed to soothe
him. He said that he derived great benefit from
the ozone.
There were some other matters which my pres
ence in the unable to regulate so that the
advent OF the Silent Club later proved great relief
after the behavior OF tthe mysterious agents that
annoyed the Major. He complained, for example
OF huge hairy tormentor that ade its head Just
above his head from whence IL glared at him with
Its million eyes Not content with this unseemly
conduct it chopped its web into short lengths and
making arrows OF them shot them into his breast
until he could no longer support the agony. An
other indignty that he complained OF occurred
when some unknown miscreant threw tattooed
man at him right through the plastered wall
This certainly was beyond my power 70 cope with
and when the climax was reached in the Major 8
declaration, that gang OF feers. SO he termed
them had stuffed his pockets full OF bladdcrs and
ruthlcsaly played football with him, was glad TO
be relieved for a moment by the doctor. whom
| observed in the act OF taking from his pocket q
hypodcrmic syringe.
1T was about this time that met some Of the
! members of the Silent Club. The language that
! they spoke was the silent language and have
: never met any one who could interpret II save
! Mai. Harriet The first OF these interesting people
, 10 arrive was the Brigadier General Through
some msadvCnture did not see him. but the Major
! said he was there and introduced me with elaborate
courtesy. From the eloquent silence OF the Driga-
der. learned that he was man who had travelled
widely and read much. The Major conversed
{ with him by the hour, but the conversation TO me
! was like listening 70 man talking into telephone
! could not hear the silent answer, Al times the
! General. so the Major said addressed his remarks
to me- but as know not the tongue OF silence had
TO make use Of the Major as an Interpreter In this
| manner learned that the General was one of a
large family and that he served with the army in
! Sktslard. Sometimes he brought his brother
, officers with him and they were all, the Major
| informed me- in full reglmentals. To them he re-
! lated his woes and he told me that they syn
! pathized with him deeply when he explained Ia
them that some evil disposed persons in the hotel
| had been making darned menagerie out OF a
| gentleman private room. He alluded, Of course.
| to the kangaroo, the tattooed man. the goloshes
| and other annoyanccs.
| 1T was by means Of two curious episodes that
| learned that the members of the Silent Club were
composed OF PAPER mdche. The doctor had in.
| structed me. as nurse. not 10 allow my patient IA
have any alcoholic stimulant Once or twice the
| Major nearly circumvcnted me in this matter and
accordingly during a call from tho Brigader
| General and two friends was not surprised To find
| him reach over the bed for the electric bell. in.
| tervened between him and il caused him to flush