The St. Johns herald., 1899-10-28
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Flows your fat! "tine! Whef we moved in my wife had to lend hen piano."
 Miss Huges-My face is my fortune. Percy Simmons-Did you-er-amass 1t yourself?
 "She says she'll never, never marry" "She must have been looking at herself in the glass"
 Maud Is not going away" "Sick?' 'No; she can't find tan shoes to match her new leather satchel."
 "My only request was for Miss Pret- tyman's hand" "Well?" "My sole an swer was her fathers foot"
 The editor-Such stale jokes! Pm sick of mother-in-law talk. The hu- morist-Ah, sir, have you one, toe?
 Mrs. Smythe-I wonder why old chi na is so rare and valuable. Mrs. De Jones-Why, I thought you kept ser want.
 She-You are too corpulcnt. I'd marry you if you were reduced. He Do you take me for bargain counter article?
 Pearl-Did you see that shark they advertise down at the beach? Ruby I saw the hotel landlord, if that's what you mean.
 Denny-Th' gur-rul thot Oi marry must be loike foine silk. Nora-An how is thot? Denny-Not shrink whiI it comes to washing.
 Wabash-Are you fond of repartee Miss Olive? Miss Olive (of St. Louis) No; wouldn't give one cup of coffe' for all the tea ever saw.
 She-What did papa say? He-l asked his consent to our marriage by telephone. and he replied, Il don't know who you are, but it's all right"
 Jinks-I want to get warrant for that circus manager. Magistrate-OD what grounds? Jinks-On the circus grounds. There's where the trouble be- gan.
 Weary Walker-Some fellows is hogs, but dat ain't me. 1 don't want de earth. Wayworn Wstson-Me nuther. Three-fourths of de blamed thing is water.
 'He offended Miss Oldgirl unpardon- ably" How did he do it?' Why, when she asked him what she should play on the piano for him he suggested Last Hope.'"
 | Dedbroke-i hear you called on the Iady's father last night. How did he like your suit? Harduppe-Very much, think. He kept half the coat collar when l left.
 Cousin Lucinda wants to go down stairs and see a man about taking her trunk to the station" When is she going home?" "A week from next Wednesday,"
 "No, sirp' she exclaimed emphatic ally, "No living man shall kiss me-" ''Well, I don't mind confessing," he re- piled, ''that many of my friends consid- l er me a dead one."
 She's a dear, dear girl" said the fond mother. glancing approvingly at her daughter. "Yes, she certainly is,' said the father, glancing disapproving- ly at her dressmaker's bill.
 Johnny" called the Throop street lady, run around to the cigar store and see if the scores in yet" I'm sur prised," remarked her visitor, ito see you take so much interest in base ball.
 Say, captain" asked a passenger, how far are we still from landF About two nautical miles," answered the captain. But we can not see land anywhere. In what direction does Il lie?" Straight below, sir"
 MT. Stubb-There comes Fortune. ' Mrs. Stubb-Who, John? Mir. Stubb- "Fortune::" the female book agent Mrs. Stubb-Why in the world do you call her "Fortune% Mir. Stubb-Be' cause she knocks at every mans door I don't even understand the game Neither do I, dear, but you see want to ask George for little pin money If the Chicago team won I'll ask him the minute he gets in the door. If they
 
 lost, I'll ask him tomorrow, or maybe the day after"
 ''How is it that you and Jones haVen't spoken for years? 1 can remember when you were inseparable friends 'We agreed to correct each other'i errors in grammar. At the end of tht third day the same house would no1 hold us both and we have never be come reconciled since.'
 Great Scottp cried the overheatet man, II could smash that thermome ter" "I thought you had more respec for old age," ventured the man In thu French flannel suit. "Old age? Wha has that to do with it, young manY T ''Why, sir, can't you see that thermom eter is in the nineties?'
 q can't help feeling sorry for thu farmer" said the young man who owei for summer board. "Why?' inquired MT. Corntossel, abruptly. Because why-er-because his back is bent witt toil." "Mebbe you're right. Mebbe it' harder to bend your back with toll thai 1t is to bend it ridin' a bicycle. AnC yet, can't see but what it amouDt to the same thing, in the end"