Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1899-09-30


I'd like TO gag every man the minute
he bought one OF them things and tie
his hands so he couldn't make motions
IL remember rightly you were one of
the first men in the city 70 buy n chest
nut bell and the last TO give il up
That's right" said the stationer
with an air of modest pride. My
cousin in New York sent me one by
mail just as soon as they come o,A
there"
Its too bad we have to look to 1WT
York for oil our bright idees." said The
tailor. Seems as If we ought TO be able
to get up something of the kind right
here in Chicago-or Dunning. anyway.
You got lots of fun out of that bell,
didn't your
Il rung you off a time or two said
the stationer, defantly.
| You did" admitted the tailor. "You
would come in here and If you couldn't
do anything else you would ask me
what thought of the weather, and ring
when said that it looked like rain.
Nobody could come around you and
| open his face but you had to ring. You
neglected your business just the same
1 y
tinkling that little gong like knife
| grinders barrow. You thought you
were the 'cutest thing ever happened
until you got thrown out of that vaude-
vile house for ringing off the Irish
| specialist"
-'He needed it,
$50 did you. And you were in the
same fix when you got slugged for pull
ing an T'm-something-of-a-
card on the new bartender down at Nc
Garrigan's."
Il did little of that smuggling. He
didn't operate smuggling trust and con-
troll the output"
That wasn't the story you told the
police judge when you was able to APP
pear. L thought you'd give up them
five-cent inside lining joshes after that,
but l guess you'll keep on until some
body gets out of patience with you and
kills you"
I'D like to know what it is makes
you miserable whenever anyone gets
to feeling good" said the stationer.
If person comes around you with
sunshine in his soul and gladstone
smile on his face you take it as person
al insult L look to see you get a stick
of dynamite and blow up a Dutch beer
garden some night just because the
people are enjoying themselves there.
You'd poison an organ-grinder's
monkey"
81 would" said the tailor, with de-
cision. I'D poison the organ-grinder,
too, if got good chance"
"And any kids that happened to be
dancing on the sidewalk to the music, -
added the stationer, 'Ain't you got any
friends besides me?"
''Are you my friend?''
"Pd>lend you dollar note any time
you needed it and / had il, if you were
able 20 give me any kind of security
that I'd get it back. There's people that
calls themselves your friends that won't
do that for you"
IF you're my friend" said the tailor
"you want to keep your ice tongs and
chestnut bells hid when you come into
this shop. If you've got any celluloic
buttons with You Amt the Only Sos
sidge in the Shop or I've Got Troubles
of My Own or any other gags you leave
them on the grand piano before you
start out to entertain me. How'd you
like
''To be the iceman?"
'To have me come into your shoT
three times a day and rub your teetl
with blacksmith's rasp?"
It'd be all right if you did it in {
friendly spirit, but want you to an
derstand that you can't come in look
ing the way you do now and take then
kind of liberties. You've got to be pleas
ant about it,"
The tailor threaded a needle, scram
bled up on his bench and, crossing hi,
legs, began to sew. I'll be pleasant
about it," he said, as he jerked kinl
out OF the thread. 'sThe next time yol
get off any of these funny little auto
matte side splitters on me I'll get down
on you in a friendly spirit and hammer
youwith thesmoothing iron until you'll
need a certificate of Identification I,
get buried in the family lot. You q,
home now and think that over and tax,
your ice tongs with you. Hold on, dom
go of mad. You can take little iosl
yourself, can't your"
The stationery man put his hands il
his pockets and chewed the end of hi
| cigar rapidly as he turned at the door
| The tailor was smiling, but his neighbo
seemed offended for once.
If you're getting hot you want t,
think about your friend the iceman,
said the tailor. "Cool off, Billy, COO
OF"
The stationer took his cigar out of hi
mouth and cleared his throat.
"Say, you'll be back soon, anyway,
. implored the tailor, but the stationer,
man went out, silent and unappeased.
As soon as he had gone the tailor un
wound his legs and looked around tn
shop untI he found piece of card
board he laid this carefully down o.
the table, wiped the dust off it and TAX
his marking brush printed on it in Iarg
: letters:
THIS IS MY BUSY DAY
/ 1900. ........-...... ...-..--.-....