Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1899-07-12
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MISUNDERSTANDING" Second Under.
taker-"Rushed to death."-Judge.
Were you on the fring-line during
the WARP" Yes; l was one of the
cooks. "-Yonkers Statesman.
She--"Do you believe the bowling of
4 dog is always followed by death?
He-"No; not always. Sometimes the
man who shoots at the dog is poor
marksman." -Chicago News
Ned-"I ran across very pretty girl
this morning" Ted-"Did she flirt
with you?" Ned-"No; after she re-
gained consciousness she had me ar
rested for scorching."- Exchange.
Fortune-teller-"Your future hus-
band will be tall, have dark complex
ion, and be very wealthy" The Caller
Now, tell me another thing; how
can get rid of my present husband?"
-Tit-Bits.
Chappie-"Averted tewibble twagedy
Just now" CholIie-"No! How"
Chappie-"AIan said he would pound
me to mince-meat if l did not give him
half crown. and gave him half a
rown.'-Tit-B Bits
Whats the matter, old nan?" "Oh,
I've just had a quarrel with my wife,"
We'll. forget and forgive" 81 never
can forgive her; YOU see. l was in the
wrong" "rhen, in that case, demand
an pology."-Harlem Life.
The Mistress-"Brldget, don't think
1t looks well for you to entertain com
pany in the kitchen the way you do"
The Cook-"Thanks, mum, but
wouldn't want t take i'm int TIL
parl'r; he spts t'baccy." -Philadelphia
Bulletin
"She is Americas greatest actress"
said Mrs. Tenspot, speaking of
tragedienne whose name came IN in
conversation. Indecd! Who snys
500" asked Mr.. Tcnspot. "The man
who makes the pills that cured her of
indigestion"
What. butter and jam Why, Ethel.
my child. we'd soon be in the work.
house ut that rate!' 1.-The workhouse!
Why, mother, Uncle Bob says butter
and janis economy" "Economyl
How" ooh. the same piece of bread
does for both. "-Boston Traveller.
Now, boys" said the teacher of the
juvenile class. who can tell me what
the dark ages of the world were?"
II can. sir" answered little fellow
at the foot of the class. very well;
what We're they" asked the teacher.
1.-The ages before spectacles were in
vented" was the reply.
Hardacre-"Zeke answered an ad.
vertisement whar they said they'd
send him a church organ for dollar"
Crawfoot-"What did he get" Hard
acre-"A sample copy of the New
Light marked: This is the best church
organ published. News.
Hicks-"Barry made bet that every
person who came by his fence would
touch it. and he WON Wicks-"Non-
sense! How did it hnppen?" Hicks
HE merely stuck up the sign Paint
and of course everybody considered
himself called upon to feel of the
Transcript.
Remember one thing am about to
tell you." said the successful man to
the ambitious young man. ut is a
rule that is well worth remembering"
What is it, sir?" Never do anything
that your conscience will reproach you
for. Hire somebody else to do it,
Melbourne Weekly Times.
lie Gas they are seated in quiet nook
near the links)-"Are you quite sure
we never met before this season?"
She-"Yes: quite positive" He-"And
you haven't sisterY' She-"No; why
do you ask?' ue-"Well. I'm positive
Rugged that shirt-waist before, some
where" -Yonkers Statesman.
Father-"Well, my son, what do you
intend to do for n living now that you
have finished your college course?"
Son-"I think shall take up literature
as profession" Father-"You should
have thought of that before you en-
tered college. Then should have sent
You to West Point or Annapolis. New
York Evening Journal.
Bridget (reading laboriously)-"IIev
You seen this. Pat? 1t seq here that
whin mon loses wan av his sinses his
other sinses get more develyuped. Err
instans, blind mon gets more sinse
av hearin'. an touch. an" Pat
"Shure, an it's quite thrue; Owe no.
iced it meself. Win mon has wan
leg shorter than the other, begorra. the
other legs longer, isn't it, now?"-Ex-
change.
"A cyclist who stopped ut a village inn
boosted about his abilities rs a rider
to such an extent that the landlord ven
tured to make Il wager with him.
Look here. minister" said the inn
keeper, you can't ride up and down
this road till the church clock strikes
four" "Done! said the cyclist. Its
just tlree-tifteen now" and the next
minute lie was speeding down the road.
After about an hours riding the cyclist
shouted to one of the bystanders, of
whom many had assemblies: II say,
has the church clock struck four YETI"
NO. you idiot" was the blunt reply,
"Why, our church clock never strikes
at all"-1it-Bits.
How Frozen Insects Revive,
Experiments in reviving frozen in
sects. by S. Il. Aaron, show some sur
prising results. y large Cecropia