The evening times., 1899-09-26
Lansburgh
Furniture CO. (,
1870 F Street N. w.
THE EVIL SPIRIT IN ANIMALS.
Explains Their Sins of Omis-
sion and COmmi issiOn.

sion unu
From the Kansas City Times)
Squinks makes his living by working in
the Office of lumber company. The at
mosphere of his place of business is laden
with the odor of oak and pine and walnut
lumber. so Squinks regards himself as
something of a backwoodsman. While car
rying out this idea he diligently studies
natural history. He believes in practical
investigation and observes the habits OF
animals by keeping number OF domestic
pets-dogs, cats, COW, and two pigs. Oo-
servation of animal traits has imbued
Squinks with theories, and while walking
home with friend the other night he ex-
pressed the following:
There is no longer any doubt in my
mind that all animals, wild and domestic,
are possessed Of the devil. Such an asser-
tion from me will doubtless surprise you,
knowing my affection for animals as you
do but the conclusion has been forced upon
me- We read in the Bible where evil spir-
its were cast out Of man and entered
herd of swine. After careful observation
of my pigs l am satisfied that the species
has never been freed from the affiiction. l
am prepared to prove that swine, to this
day are possessed by an active evil spirit
and no man who has ever tried to drive
pig will disagree with me.
But pigs are no worse than dogs, or
cats, or cows. / read an article recently
in a magazine in which the writer said all
black animals were more or less under the
influence of Old Nick, but l hold that the
color doesn't matter in the least"
What has provoked this sweeping con-
demnation of the animal world?" enquired
the friend.
Il am not condemning the animals"
said Squinks. "On the contrary, l am in
clined to believe that the natural dispo-
sition OF domestic animals is kind and doc
lie. Their evil acts are involuntary and
their tendencies are their misfortune, not
their fault.
"A man without self-respect and dignity
is poor stick, in my opinion, but l would
like to see the color of a mans hair who
could maintain his dignity in the presence
of the animals on my place. There's no
chance for one to be dignified while driving
an obstreperous COW out of the lot or chas
ing away stray cur"
Squinks is five feet three inches tai and
prides himself upon his dignity.
Consider my COW. Why does she con-
tinually break out of my lot to get into
my neighbor's? 1t is not for company, for
my neighbor's COW Immediately avai,s her
self of the breach to get into my lot Why
do the two cows always choose rainly
weather for their depredations and always
spend their time on front lawns? That's
the evil spirit in 'em. It's the same spirit
that makes them eat the thorny rose
bushes or the clothes off the line in pref
erence TO grass. Everybody knows of the
treacherous spirit in calf. calf doesn't
seem to have any control over the bad in
him. He'll butt over the man who tries to
feed him, starve to death before he'll drink
milk from a pail and would good deal
rather eat the wire off bale of hay than
the hay itself. The next time you're elect
ed to the school board and feel particularly
proud and dignified, come over here and
try TO lead my calf across the lot He'll re-
duce you to the meekest wreck that ever
sneaked into barn and tried to fasten his
clothes together with nails
1t was possible to discern in Squinks'
remarks untold experiences CT his own.
"Is there any reason he continued,
why cats should choose midnight as the
time for bowling and settling their differ
ences? Why does Tabby always wait un-
til you leave the room for moment before
scratching the baby? Why Goes fair
feline refuse cream from a saucer on tn :
floor and steal skinned milk from pan
on the table? It's the unadulterated spirit
of Satan in them, that's why
when we don't care for eggs and the
market price is three dozen for 25 cents
my hens lay like all possessed. When eggs
are 80 cents dozen and you pine for them
nothing upon the earth could prevail on
my hens to lay. There is no reason 70.
this-the scarcity doesn't profit them any.
It's just the cussedness in them. It's the
| same way when you undertake to fatten
a pullet for Sunday dinner. That fowl
loses its appetite, and when it goes to the
chopping block it is nothing but a tough
and stringy skeleton
years of experience have taught me
that dogs are noble animals. but are cursed
with the worst kind of involuntary devil
try. We have had dogs for ornaments.
dogs for pets, and dogs to guard the prem
ises and they're bad lot. The ornamen-
tai dogs take advantage of every opportu-
nifty to roll in the mud or get against fresh
paint They are particularly happy If they
can get tar worked into their fur. The
pet dogs always have indigestion and fits,
and are snappy and ill-tempered. The
watch dogs always bite your friends and
| love your enemies. We have one Of the
watch variety now. He won't allow a
lady or child to come into the yard, If
he can help himself, but he has particu-
larly fondness for tramps. He receives all
such with unbounded friendliness, escorts
them to the back door and wags vigorous
invitation to stay all day. / think l am
the only respectable person that dog cares
anything about"
Squinks had reached his gate by this
time and he was metsby an immense rough
coated st. Bernard puppy. The animal as
sailed Squinks in frenzy of joy, rising
upon his muddy hind legs and shifting his
| master on the chest with his muddy fore
legs, flooring him. Then, before Squlnks
could rise, the dog licked his face and
wiped some more mud onto his light spring
overcoat. Later, when he had fought his
| way to the front door, Squinks called out:
II reckon Isought to baste the life out
of him, but 1 can't. He ruins my dignity
and my clothes, but, as | take it, it's his
natural dog affection, expressed in his nat