The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1899-09-01
Caring For Stubby
BY Kenneth Harris.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.

T ELLO there, stubby!
RI Can't you say 1900 mornin'" to
II your pop?
Don't you know you kept him awake
For over an hour last night?
Now, you just lie there and grin,
AS though twas the best kind of a Joke.
You're all right, you are-you know
your job;
If folks don't step around and wait on
you,
You just speak out in meetin'.
You keep that up for threescore years
and ten
And you'll come out on top of the heap.
Ye-es, well, | guess, ye-es.
Um baby had to have some eatin's,
ye-es,
Course, how baby goin' to grow, l
dunno?
Guess we show old mamma how to starve
Mamma think baby like to live on
faith?
Not this baby; course um goin' to yell
When he got hollow in he lip tum-
mick,
An he juss goin' keep on yellin'
Till he ole mamma feed him.
Then he all right, amt he?
Course. Got to have um din-din,
though.
Ye. es we'll, um could smile lip now
At he ole pop, Lip tummick full now.
Jess way wiv he ole pop, yes;
Tell ole pop what you thinkin' bout.
You amt Worryin', not little bit,
Bout no Filipino annexation,
Nor no stock markets nor base ball,
Nor one o. them great questions.
You aim troublin your little brain
With any higher criticism dogmas
~ Il. -, % knI k.xlN
You amt conjurin' up some funny
crack
To spring on the public in speech.
You don't care nothin' bout sixteen to
one
Or benevolent assimilation
Or golf championships.
l tell you, son, there's lot of things
You ought to be thankful for.
| Now you lie still there and look
Straight into your old pops eye
And I'll tell you few of them.
| First, you've got lot better mother
Than any other kid ever had
In all the whole wide world,
And there you've got cinch
On hundred million other fellows
Right on the kickoff, see?
What are you smiling at, you little
tike?
Did some baby joke come into your
| mlnQI
1 wonder if you've got any mind any
way?
How do babies think when they DOM
know words?
Look out there, now! don't you pucker
Those IF lips. That won't do at all.
Look out, now! Look out, now! Take
care!
What struck you all at once?
There's nothin' the matter with you;
You're full, and there's no pins stickin
in you,
Cause there's no pins in your nightie-
Your mamma said there wasn't
There, smile again, stubby-thats the
stuff!
Now you look more respectable.
Wonder what you were thinkin' o.
then?
Funny bout these babies thoughts;
| don't understand it at all.
l guess that's what they call part
OF the divine economy. IL we knew
And understood all about baby
We'd leave nothin' for the All-Wis
One
To know and be supreme about.
l guess that's right. I'm not kickin'-
Are you, baby! Course you amt.
You never kick about nothin'
'Cept just when you feel hungry,
ana any yDOuy.s got KICK COmlu' tneu
Aud no mistake.
What are you reachin' for, you scamp?
You want to pull your old pops hal I
do you?
All right, get a hold of it; now pull
Pull hard! That's the stuff
! Have a lot of fun with the old man;
IL don't cost nOthin'.
Beats droppin' nickles in a slot
Or watchin' horses run around track
You bet IL does. Pull 'er againl
Dig in; 1 like To see you have sport,
Even IL it does hurt. Hold onI
Play fair, there, you man; ease upl
Give your old pop q chance to breathe,
/ was only jokin' when | said pull hare
didn't suppose you'd understand >
we'll.
Now laugh, will you? Think it's
joke
To pull hair out by the roots, do you?
Here look At pops watch.