The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-08-05
like you. They probably wouldn't havo

like you. They probably wouldn't have
sufficient humor to see anything funny
in those obituary verses on Our Little
Pearl that tickled you so yesterday.
and they don't know enough to get
| their names changed to suit you, but
you don't need to knock them"
81 hope 1 haven't broke up their meet
ing by what 1 said to them two girls"
said the saltwater clerk.
Il don't believe you have" said the
particular difference to you if you had,
so long as you thought you could say
| something funny about it. An idiot like
you'll don't mean to intimate that
you're an idiot; I'm talking in an abb
stract sense-an idiot like you doesn't
care what he knocks. He knocks every
thing and gets to be a little cheap
knocker if some good friend doesn't
give him some advice"
Its all right as long as you don't
take anything put of my wages for it."
| said the saltwater clerk. Its gratis,
amt it?"
at doesn't cost you a cent" said
the druggist, reassuringly. Il was just
going t remark that nobody ever says
or does anything that Mr.. knocker can't
play horse with. It's the easiest thing
in the world, and some people make a
living at it. You've got to get out OF
the soda-water profession, though. if
you're going to follow it up. You don't
take this as anything personal, do you?"
Certainly not" said the saltwater
clerk. 81 haven't the least suspicion of
such n thing; but then l may be fooled.
A man has to kick me three or four
times good and hard before I find out
he doesn't like me-"
"Tmglad you don't take it that way"
saind the druggist. ut would indicate
that o thought you were something
of a general all-round josher and catch
as-catch-can cynic yourself. Once get
that idea into your head and I'd be los
ing you. You'd either specialize your
knocking and point put Solomon's
errors of judgment o the lecture plat
form, or you'd generalize and spend
your time taking airy swipes at every
thing that came along. You'll n%everrun
out of material, as l told you. There are
always subjects more or less sacred and
people more or less ridiculous in spots.
L shouldn't wonder if you had a spot or
two about you yourself"
you can't scare me; I've had the
measles" said the saltwater clerk.
ssN-o,, 1op>t raa IT. ha1Onr ~ tho v NJ
C. A., do you??" asked the druggist, tap
ping his palm with his spatula.
Il haven't regularly joined yet" re-
piled the soda-water clerk. I'm wait
ing for n letter of introduction to the
president"
Thought that was a sarcastic breeze
you were giving those ladies'" said the
druggist. Il didn't really think you
were identified with that crowd. Why,
there's 4 lot of goo-goos among them
who wouldn't smoke a cigarette if you
stuck one in their face and lit it for
them. They've got boys is years old
that haven't n practical knowledge of
how to swear and that couldn't write
down the names of ten variety stars if
you gave them a pencil and a pad of pa
per. They'd have to take you into the
| gymnasium and beat the face off you
with gloves before you could respect
them. They're the kind that grow up
and organize reform meetings and all
hat kind of idiotic thing"
\ young man with a jagged straw hat
and n silk-bosomed shirt came in and
the druggist walked back to the pre-
scription case.
Gimme 4 bromo settler, Billy" said
the young man. whats eatin' the
boss?"
"Nothin's eatin' him." said the soda
water clerk. Hes been eatin' corro-
sive sublimate and caustic potash.
That's his steady diet. 1t doesn't hurt
him. He just gets hot and sweats it out
on me."-Chicago Daily Record.