The Cape Girardeau Democrat. (Cape Girardeau, Mo.) 1876-1909, 1899-12-23


mas giving, and every Payson knew that
he or she might expect a present from
each of the other Paysons, and so here
was Mr.. Sidney Payson bachelor, mis-
anthrope and cynic) elbowing his way
along State street with the other shop
pers.
Mr.. Payson would have been utterly
miserable had it not been for the fact
that he found a selfish joy in knowing
that the Christmas season brought
neither peace nor good will.
He bad reached that stage of soul
distemper at which there can be no
happiness except by the discovery Of
misery in Others Mr.. Sidney Payson
was the kind of man who loved to tell
invalids that they were not looking as
well as usual, and who frightened young
husbands by predicting that they would
regret having married: He made it a
rule never to put the seal of approval
on any human undertaking, and it was
a matter of pride with him that he
could find a sinister motive for every
act which other people applauded. He
dealt in sarcasm, was p~erpetually bored
and might have lost all interest in life
had it not been that he found a contin-
ued satisfaction in making himself
feared and hated. Some of his pious
friends used to say that Satan had
got the upper hand with him, but there
were others who intimated that it might
be bile.
Imagine the surly wrath and the
sense of humiliation with which Mr..
Sidney Payson set about his Christmas
shopping! In the first place, to go
shopping for Christmas presents was
the most conventional thing that any
one could do. and Mr.. Payson hated
conventionalities. For another thing,
the giving of a Christmas present car
ried with it some evidence of affection,
and Mr.. Payson regarded any sign OF
affection as one of the crude symptoms
of barbarous taste and deficient educa-
ton.
If he could have assembled his rela-
tives at a Christmas gathering and
opened a few old family wounds. re-
minding his brother and his two Sis
tiers of some of their youthful follies,
thus shaming them before the children,
Mr.. Sidney Payson might have managed
to make out a rather merry Christmas.
Instead of that, he was condemned to
90 out and purchase gifts and be as
cheaply idiotic as the other wretched
mortals with whom he was being car
ried along State street. No wonder that
he chafed and rebelled and vainly
longed that he could hang Grape on
every Christmas tree in the universe.
MI. Sidney Payson was not only hu-
INFLATED. He was greatly puzzled. Aft
er wandering through two stores and
looking in at 20 windows he had been
unable to make one selection. 1t seemed
to him that all the articles offered for
sale were singularly and uniformly in
appropriate. The custom of giving was
4 farce in itself and the storekeepers
had done what they could to make it
a sickening travesty.
This was Mr.. Payson's point of view.
"Tll go ahead and buy a lot of things
ct haphazard," he said to himself. Il
don't care a blank whether they're ap-
propriate or not"
At that moment he had an inspira-
ton. 1t was an inspiration which could
have come to no one except Mr.. Sidney
Payson. 1t promised a speedy end 20
shopping difficulties. 1t guaranteed
him a Christmas to his own liking.
He was bound by family custom to
buy Christmas presents for his rela-
tives. He had promised his sister that
he would remember every one in the
list. But he was under no obligation
to give presents which would be well
come ard appropriate. Why not give
to each Of his relatives some present
! which would be entirely useless, inap-
propriate and superfluous? 1t would
serve them right for involving him in
the fool performances of the Christ
mas season. It would be a burlesque
IN the whole foolish custom of Christ
mas giving. It would irritate and.puz-
Gs his relati, es and probably deepen