The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-01-08
A'GRAM SPECIAL
This Time 1t Was a Scoop
From North Brookield.

The Gram" the Bible of the fud-
died and the guide of the gullible, has
received another Special" This one
came all the way from North Brook
field.
Whitinsville's resources We're ex-
hausted exploiting the hayward ten
denotes of the mosquito and the fly,
and in dire straits for news" that is
news; news" that takes your breath
away and gives you that tired feel
ing Mr.. Cristy fixed his eagle eye
upon North Brookfeld.
Now, an admirable town is North
Brookfield, and ii cannot be expected,
as general thing, to yield news" Of
that peculiar Cristy character, but the
other day the Gram man there went
into the depths of his inner conscious
ness and coughed UP "spe-
cial," one of the distinctly Cristinian
| character. eminently suited for poeti-
cal heads, double leads, inverted col
umn rules and borders and all that
One of North Brookfield's excellent
firemen did something so astonishing
that the Gram" the guardian of the
| goddess, got out it's tin-plate arrnor,
reused up its special correspondent,
cleared the wires and banged away, re-
CARELESS of who was hit What does
the reader suppose this man actually
| did? He got his boots on wrong! And
arrayed in those boots and '.Inuch
pride" he boldly set forth and tram
pied down all the North Brookfield bar
| rierS of society," 8rs 5sa,-sF a.--
| The Gram special give all the start
ling details He got "the left boot on
| the right foot, and the right boot on
| the left" To the initiated reader of
the Gram county news" this may
seem little misty. For instance, if he
got the left boot on the right foot
that is, the left boot on the left foot
that is the left boot on the left foot,
where it belonged, and the right boot
on the left, also, it is no monstrosity
of mathematics to prove beyond all
reasonable doubt that he had both
| boots on the left foot. Therefore the
only natural inference is that with two
boots on one foot, and one foot with
no boot on it, this man went through
| North Brookfield streets, leaving fear
and his footprints behind him. This
| Interpretation of the Grams cipher
may be incorrect, but it demonstrates
one of several things, either country
correspondents are not infallible or
country editors err. Anyhow there S
mighty good news" tip in that point.
Perhaps that man did deliberately,
with malice aforethought, and a boot
| jack, get both boots on one foot and
defiantly Haunted that free foot be-
meath the nostrils of a pride shocked
public. Who knows, there may be a
column special in this Tip" Big
| stories have grown out of more insig-
nif1cant pointers than this. To make
| free with one of the poets:
Just as the broad rivers run,
From small and distant springs,
So the greatest crimes that meh have
done
Have grown from little things"
But to resume; this man, lin the
pride of his new and shining leather"
walked north or south with one foot, .
pointing east and the other west"
Poor man! How awfully torn up he
must have felt! East and west, north
and south! Well, he acted on the
square, anyway, and overlooking the
news OF it, it was dead mean of the
Gram" to get after him the way he
did it.
And in that condition a friend said
unto him. John, what is the natter
WIN gOQl bOOASs yOu nave IitEIll pll
the wrong feet" This friend didn't
state whose feet they belonged on, at
least the Gram doesn't credit him with
doing so.
And then John, he of the boots and
the feet, and the points Of compass;
10, with his eyes bullying from his head
in amazement John looked down at
| his new boots and realized that the
words which had been spoken unto
him were only too true, and he was
greatly cast down and said, "rhe
Gram doesn't tell all t.Iat he said"
Usually man in such a condition
would say, Break the news TO mother
or something equally as cheerful and
uplifting, but according to the Gram
he simply gazed appealingly at the
kind faces about him and told them
mot to let the joke get into the Gram"
He was right to be apprehensive. for
of all fearful jokes. the Grams "spe-
Gals are the worst. Nearly quarter OF
a column Of space to man who got his
boots on wrong! Good thing he didn't
lose his ear muffs that would have
been worth two columns to the Gram.