Mesa free press., 1899-09-29

We've been playing school, NAM
ma" Indeed! 1 hope you behaved
nicely" "Oh, didn't have to behave.
was the teacher
Madge-Why are you buying such ex-
pensive stockings? You don't need
them. Mayme-Oh, I'll put them away
for rainy day.-Town Topics.
His Honor-Young man, do you ap-
preciate the solemnity of an oath; do
you know what an oath is? Boy-Ye-es,
sir; caddied for you last Sunday
Life.
Doctor, my husband says black and
red spots appear before his eyes every
night. What do you adviser 81 ad-
wise that he stop playing poker."-Chi-
cago News.
Husband-I am going to join another
club tonight. Wife, don't suppose
shall see you at all after this. Hus-
band-Oh, yes! They have ladies'
day.-Puck.
Tommy-It was a dreadful day the
last timeI went to grandma's. 1t blowed
and it Mother-It "blowed" is not
proper. Say it "blew." Tommy-It
blew and it snew awful.-Tit-Bits
Kelly growing pathetic)-Pity
poor, unfortunate man, Kelliher, thot's
got to go home to his wolfe! Kelliher--
Brace up, Kelly! Brace up! Ye should
be thankful ye are not the Sultan!-
Puck.
an-Schwarzmeister was tellin'
me thot Uncle Sam could never lick the
Filypanoes. Grogan-An' did We show
him he was wrong? "Oi did. OF think
he will be out in about fortnight
Indianapolis Journal.
"Is the cashier in?' 'No, he's not"
when will he be backY "Can't say.
He skipped for Canada about an hour
ago." "Just my luck! I'm his brother,
and he took my hat by mistake this
morning!-Yonkers Statesman.
what Is that old proverb about the
moss and the rolling stoneY" queried
the Chicago girl. "a revolving frag-
ment Of the paleozoic age collects no
cryptogamous vegetation" replied her
cousin from Boston.--Chicago News.
Seems odd, nowadays, that such
poets as Moore and all of them were
always writing Lines to Fannie"
Probably Pegasus is like other horses,
and they gave the lines to Fannie so as
to have their hands free."-Harlem
Life.
Nice Old Lady-Will you kindly tell
ME if the lady who writes the Moth
er's Page in your paper is in? l want
to tell her how much enjoyed reading
her articles on "The Evening Hour in
the Nursery" Office Boy-That's him
over there wild de pink shirt, smokin' a
cigaroot-Tid-B is.
A paper published in Paris recently
contained the following unique adver-
tisement: "a young man of agreeable
presence, and desirous of getting mar
ried, would like to make the acquaint-
ance Of an aged and experienced gen.
taking the fatal step."-Exchange.
did you hear about Lucy Weston
and AL Winslow falling out?" ''No!
When did that happen? Pshaw, it can't
be true. saw them together last
night" "Yes, it's really SO. They went
rowing on the pond in the park day be-
fore yesterday and tried to change
seats in the boat."-Chicago Times
Herald.
Tommy-Miss Upjohn, want to
know the names Of the twelve disciples
His Sunday School Teacher-Certainly,
Tommy. They were Peter, James, John,
andrew, Philip, Thomas, Judas and
and-I can find the names Of the others
In moment Tommy-No fair look
in. I knowed you couldn't do itLNew
York Evening World.
Young lady-The musical conserva-
tory is in this building, isn't it? Janitor
No, mum. The musical conservatory
is bout two blocks down street. Young
lady (dubiously)-I-I was sure 1 heard
pupils practicing vocal exercises. Are
you sure the musical conservatory Is
not here? Janitor-Yes'm. Nothin' but
dentists offices, mum.-New York
Weekly.
"Great Scott, man." thundered the
householder to the ice man, as he
looked at his bill for the month, '"do
you want to make an Independent for
tune in one seasonY 'Well," said the
man, 81 read in scientific treatise that
the sun was gradually losing it's heat,
and l can't run any chances Of being
without the means Of livelihood
Kansas City Star.
won't you sit down in this chair,
WillieY' said the kind lady who lived
next door to the little fellow who had
come to pay her call. '1f It's al the
same to you, ma'am," said the little
visitor, shadow Of pain creeping over
his innocent face, 'I'll prefer to sit in
a chair with q soft cushion. hid pas
collar button yesterday morning and
he found it out."-Boston Traveller.
.Tts a great schemew exclaimed
Farmer Corntossel; "a great scheme"