Freeland tribune. (Freeland, Pa.) 1888-1921, 1899-01-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

"His Honor is at steak" said the
waiter when the county Judge was at
dinner.
Bob-"What makes you think a
leopard.can change his spots?" Fred
well, he can change his hide'n places,
can't he?"
"What's in a name?" recent trav.
eler was heard to exclaim. "Why.
about the hottest country on the globe
is Chilli"
"Was there much damage to the Ii
brary by fre?" "Well, all the rare
books are we'll done now. "-Yonkers
Statesman.
A somewhat weather-b beaten tramp,
being asked what was the matter with
his coat, replied, Insomnia; it hasn't
had nap in ten years."
He (desperately)-"Will you marry
me? I've asked you to marry me twice"
She Qanguidly) No; Wouldn't even
marry you once. Adams Freeman.
"Your replies are very TART" said
the young husband. Then he hastily
added: "But they are not as tart as
those that mother made. ."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Twynn-''A lately discovered an
tiseptic is called by its German dis
coverer, "Potassiumorthod
colate." Triplett-"How did he dis
cover its ?"-Puck.
Cholly-"Yaas, sevewal years ago I
fell deeply in love with girl, but she
rejected me-made regular fool of
me-" Molly-"And you never got
over it?"-Brooklyn Life.
Visitor lin insane asylum)-"And
this poor fellow is the father of trip
lets. Why does he continually call for
a gun?" Attendant-"H thinks he
sees stork, mum. Town Topics.
Madam ito riding master)-"Well,
sir, do you think make any progress?"
Riding Master-"Certainly; you fall
much more gracefully than you used
to when you first began. bicycling
World.
"That's quite draft from the west
this morning." remarked tho banker
to the cashier as they glanced over
the mail. The new Office boy promptly
closed the transom and again stood at
attention.-Detroit Free Press.
"Did you see the story of that fell
low with only $500 who succeeded in
failing for $50, ,000?" "Sure." "What
do you think of it?" "Well, I wouldn't
like to do it myself, butI would like
to be able to do it. Chicago Evening
Post.
Sabbath School Teacher-"Why,
Petey Murphy! Fighting again2 Did
not last Sundays lesson teach that
when you are struck on one cheek to
turn the other to the striker?" Petey
Murphy-'Yes'm; but he welted me
on the nose, an I only got one."
A traveller announces rs fact land
though he is ''traveler" we believe
him) that he once in his life beheld peo-
pie 'minding their own business.
This remarkable occurrence happened
at sea, the passengers being "tco sick"
to attend to each others concerns.
Doctor-"Well, Johnnie, don't you
feel better since gave you the medi-
cine?" Doctor-"Yes; I forgot all
about being ILL.," Doctor-"That's
what I thought; and it wasn't hard to
take, was it?" Johnny-"Well it was
rather, for it took two Of us boys to
hold Carlo while we gave it 10 him."
'I should think you would get some
work to do" said the elderly lady to
tramp who had left his friend at the
gate. ''I'm working at my regular
business, right along, madam" said
the itinerant. "And what might your
regular business be?" "Traveling
companion, madam. "-Yonkers States.
man.
Teacher-"Johnny, can you tell me
what is meant by 'steward?'" Johnny
GA steward is q man that doesn't
mind his own business" Teacher
.'Why, where did you got that idea?"
Johnny-"Well I looked it up in the
dictionary, and it said: "A man who
attends to the affairs OF others. ~
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