The Anaconda standard. [volume] (Anaconda, Mont.) 1889-1970, 1899-07-03
ANACONDA NEWS.
TOLD IN A RESTAURANT
Queer Names Under Which Art
icles of Food Masquerade.
THEY PUZZLED A PATRON
The Boyhood Friend of an Anaconda
Man Making a Name for Himself
as Humorist = The
Trained Sharks.


pass what?" said the astonished man
on the stool next to him.
1.-THE gravel train there, the gravel
train Oh, we'll, if you don't know it,
I'll get it myself" and he reached for the
sugar bowl.
tGuess you never ate in railroad
boarding car" remarked the railroad
man. Don't suppose you ever heard of
the delegate?'
"No,' replied his companion, getting in
terested. whats the delegate?'"
'Why, the butter, of course. And the
syrup is the walking boss I thought
everybody knew that lever eat any stars
and stripes? Oh, yes, you have Stars
and stripes is short for pork an beans.
Why? l dunno. Get into railroad restau-
rant or boarding house and ycu'll hear all
about those things.
ANY kind of a stew Is a mulligan, or, in
the language of those eating houses, the
mulligan.'" continued the railroader.
"A waiter in giving an order does not
say to the cook, gimme an order of
beef He yells give me the beef or GIN
me the mulligan.' or gimme the gump.'
Whats a gump? There, l forgot again
you didn't know. Gump is the chicken
stew.
Get around the door to a kitchen in
railroaders' joint some time and you'll
hear a waiter yell, gimme the slaughter
in the pan. That means he wants plain
steak. If he sings out gimme the moon
lighe on the lake you'll know he wants
pCrterhouse steak. If you give an order
for scrambled eggs uont be frightened II
the waiter bellows to the cook, gimme the
total shipwreck The eggs will be just
hax cot
.Poached eggs go by the name of two o
horseback and Goldfish balls are famil-
ialarly known as "a pair of cuff pttons.'
''Rod" Williams is taking great pride in
the successful journalistic career of
young newspaper man who is acquiring a
national reputation as a humorist.
Charles Dryden is the newspaper mans
name. and he and Mr.. Williams were
brought up together in Monmouth H.,
where the two must be remembered by
a large section of the community, perhaps
unpleasantly by some, for Dryden was an
inveterate, though always humorous, prac-
teal joker, and Williams was his chief
lieutenant
Just now Dryden is writing baseball re-
ports for the San Francisco Examiner
hui he spends about half his time on the
New York Journal, where his baseball ar
ticles are eagerly looked for. He has a
Vein1 OF original rollickng humor all his
OWE that more nearly resembles the style
of Artemus Ward than that of any other
funny writer. AS writer of what are
professionally known as fake stories
Dryden is without a peer.
Years ago he was a "cub reporter" on
the Chicago Tribune, having previously
been an iron molder and then sailor in
the navy. On the Tribune Dryden was
vainly trying to convince the manage
ment and himself that he was needed in
journalism. Finally his chance came He
was sent out to report a German Sunday
picnic and schutzenfest on the lake front.
The affair was absolutely featureless, be-
ing of the same type as countless other
picnics. On his return to the office, how
ever, Dryden had an idea and determined
to make "a good story
Using his splendid powers of descrip-
ton, he told how little child-giving its
name and residence-had, at the picnic,
playfully seized from an Italian a huge
bunch of toy balloons which, waited by a
sudden breeze, had risen high in the sky,
carrying with it the frail and terrified
child, who was too frightened to let go.
Then as the child fioated hundreds of
feet above the upturned pale faces the
crack shot of the fest has seized his ri
fe and with unerring aim had broken two
of the balloons, just enogh to admit of a
slow and safe descent. Had any more
balloons been broken, Dryden claimed,
the child would have been dashed to earth
ana killed.
This story gave Dryden a reputation and
he followed it with others in the same
vein. Then he drifted to the coast and
went to work on the Tacoma Ledger as
marine reporter. Presently his weird ma
rine stories begun to be the wonder of
the country and the joy of the shipping
men all along the coast, who dearly love
joke.
Dryden created a pair Of tame sharks
that being captured in their infancy by
two farmer boys living at Gig Harbor,
near Tacoma, had been taught to wear
harness and with it to tow rowboat and
to respond to the guiding reins. This Gre
alton furnished Dryden with abundant
material for stories. His water front
friends stood by him and gave grave in
terviews for publication concerning the
freak and recited strange things the
sharks had done. Hundreds of good citi-
zens thronged the wharves almost every
day, hoping to see the sharks, but were in
variably disappointed.
But Dryden'S career came near being
brought to an untimely end. There was
a colored dramatic club in Tacoma that
one night presented for the edification of
its members and friends several scenes
from Romeo and Juliet" giving them in
the club rooms. The actors We're we'll
known members OF the cOIofeu colony.
DRYDEN was sent at late hour to get a
report of the proceedings He was unable
to gather all the necessary facts. On his
return to the office he found the city edi-
tor had gone home, leaving instructions
for him to send his copy to the printing
room. Dryden hunted up the office copy
of Shakespeare and by TRANSFERRING the
better part of the balcony scene and put
ting it in negro dialect that Joel Chand-
would have enVied, he eked ont
his meager report.
When Dryden approached the office the
next day he saw the front door surround
ed by an excited band of colored men.
There was a suggestion of raZors in the
air Dryden thought best to report by
telephone that day and to decline to go to
the assistance of the besieged and wor-
ried city editor, who finally escaped by
the back door
Soon after that incident Dryden went to
San Francisco. where, in the course of a
few months, he became widely known.