Kansas agitator. [volume] (Garnett, Kan.) 1890-1905, 1899-12-22
NJ Birthdau Umbrella
An Amusing Sketch Showing the I
Difficulty Of Working a
New Patent.

ent. Susan Is my wife. We had been
married a year, but fortune had not
smiled upon us. and we were terribly
hard up. Consequently Susans spend
ing capacity was limited.
She was going to buy me an umbrel-
Ia. The present was saved up for and
talked about good deal before the
suspicious day. We went to the shop
together to secure the gift.
Susan's idea of the amount to be ex-
pended - heaven bless her - was,
think, about S1.50 The keeper of the
umbrella shop looked panied and con
cerned at the idea of respectable Gus
toners daring to purchase one of his
cheap ginghams.
He had a $3.50 article, now, a really
decent thing
We saw it. The handle was very
plain. 1t did not please Susan so much
as that of So one produced simulta-
neously. There was no pushing to
open 1.-THE thing was patent There
was no fumbling in a shower of rain
to open this umbrella. One had only to
release little spring in the handle. and
the umbrella opened itself half way.
This last luxury completely won over
Susan. The bargain was clinched.
We left the shop arm in arm, Susan
proud and joyous that she had been
able to make me 'such a beautiful
birthday present"-one so much nicer
than she had at first intended.
On the way the elements, as if bent
on pleasing Susan, sent us a sharp
shower of rain. Her eyes dilated with
pleasure and triumph as she produced
the umbrella.
"Let me open it!' she cried vivaciOus-
ly as the raindrops came patterlng
down. She touched the spring, and, 10!
the umbrella partly opened Of its own
accord. How Ingenious! To run it up
to the top of the stick was the work Of
a second, and we sheltered snugly I'M
der its ample canopy, side by side, arm
in arm.
The rain descended in torrents. We
had not far to 60. The district railway
station was only 100 yards ahead. Yet,
before we arrived there, the silk of the
umbrella was soaked through and
through by the deluge. We were just
In time for n train, with half minute
to spare. We did not trouble to shut
the umbrella down until well inside the
ticket Office.
The thing would not shut. Susan de-
clared it was because did not under
stand the patent. She begged me to
leave it to her while l got the tickets
l squeezed my way to the ticket office,
Susan still struggling. We had not
moment to spare.
l tackled the umbrella myself, edging
meanwhile toward the staircase. The
wretched thing would not go down, no
matter how l coaxed it,
Susan was now at the gate, advising
me to desist from my struggles in the
gangway, saying it would be perfectly
easy to get the thing down on the plat
form. The train was at Il standstill, all
the passengers had Jumped in, includ-
ing Susan, who urged and encouraged
me to more frantic efforts, standing in
side the door of carriage, while re-
manned writing upon the platform.
'Step in there. Step in there" cried
the guard.
stepped in, still clinsing to the han
die of the open abomination. Susan
was purple with agitation. I managed
by dexterous maneuver to get the
handle of the umbrella through the
window and shut the door, leaving the
open canopy spread over the window.
What little light there was was thus
prevented penetrating the dim interior
of the carriage
Here l say, put that umbrella
down" came n voice from the plat
form. AS If | hadn't been trying to.
Was 1 not trying at that very moment
with all my might?
The door was wrenched forcibly open
with jerk, which shot me out on to
the platform. Susan was compelled to
jump out after me, and there we were
on the pla tform. already late. left be-
hind, with the obnoxious thing wide
open, dripping wet and obstinate as
ever. The train steamed out Of the
station.
"The next one will be in IL min
utes." cried Susan, half in tears. "You
can shut the thing now, surely! There
is plenty of time. Don't fuss. And
poor Ted will be waiting on the door
step in the pouring rain, with no one
to let him i'm
Everything was tried. short of jump
ing upon the COMPOUNDED thing. but all
to no purpose
eve shall have to leave it In the
cloakroom. George" she cried. Leave
1t just as n is Don't break it. You
can fetch It tomorrow sheSsuagested.