davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
HoMEsPuN PHILOSOPHY.
Com ment on Commonplace by the At
 chisou Globe Man.

Comment on Commonplace by the Att
 chisou Globe Man.
 Boys are always looking for a chance to get hurt.
 Some people even make failure of trying to be tough.
 Some people never really enjoy them selves except at funeral.
 You can't punish an angry man worse than to take him at his word.
 Of every rich man it is said by some body that his women folks don't love him.
 Women think every man is going to the devil who has not been saved by some woman's love.
 When a mans children can no longer ride for half fare on the cars he begins to feel that he is getting old.
 Batting an onion every other day is the latest remedy for improving the complexion and injuring the breath.
 A perfect housekeeper is one who Is always ready for company, but who always manages to keep company away.
 When a man is sick he longs more than at any other time to be a boy again, and get paid for taking his medi- cine.
 When a woman hears that unexpect- ed company is coming to a meal she gets the most fantastic kind of cake walk on her.
 When you call on a woman, and she keeps one finger in the place where she was reading, don't remain more than five minutes.
 A dead man cannot be said to be of any real importance unless his funeral is held awaiting the arrival of out-of- town relatives.
 When woman is invited out to dine, she praises everything on the table, and asks the hostess for recipes, but never calls for them.
 A sissy man is one who feels perfect ly at home and at his ease when his wife begins to pass around the napkins to her guests at party.
 When a man by his individual effort succeeds in getting a promotion, his friends point out that he has prominent relatives who have pull.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

The popular idea of the upper-class Frenchwoman is that she is exceeding ly fond of dress and style, and the de voted slave of the latest fashions. The serious side of her nature is not so well known. How many readers are aware, for instance, that among the French women of the better class there is an order numbering eighty thousand mem bers, whose aim is the alleviation of suffering and the general uplifting of their unfortunate neighbors? It is said that more than one hundred thousand Frenchwomen are trained and ready to go on the battlefield as nurses or 'emer- gency sisters" in the event of war.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
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 In Vain Is the title of new novel by Henryk Sienkiewicz.
 A new story by Frank R. Stockton is called The Associate Hermits.
 Mother Song and Child Song is book of verse compiled from English and American writers by Charlotte Brew ster Jordan.
 A Daughter of Israel, by Rose Por- ter, is the story of Jephthah and the sacrifice of his child-a frequent theme for artists and poets.
 w. D. Howells calls Wyckoff's book, The Workers, quite the most remark able document that know of concern Ing our civilization
 A novel founded on the Maybrick case, with the title Bonine McKirby, has been written by Mrs. Laura D. Fessenden, of Chicago.
 Hall Caine says he is laying up for himself stupid old age, as he plays no games, cards, chess, or does anything beyond walking and riding.
 Conan Doyle Is an all-around sports man. He Is good heavyweight boxer and football player. Cricket Is his hobby, as it Is of J. NJ. Barrie.
 A writer in prominent magazine ad- vises the yearly reading of Nicholas Nickleby for all teachers and parents who advocate coercion, even the most refined methods.
 Arlo Bates, author of The Puritans. has issued third volume of poems, en- titled Under the Beech Tree. The book takes its title from dramatic sketch by the author.
 A new edition of Katharine Prescott Wormeley's translation of Balzac's Comedie Humaine is to be illustrated with nearly one hundred photogravures by French artists.
 A volume of stories of city life, call ed Mr., Miss, and Mrs., by Charles Bloomingdale, Jr., is issued by the J.. B. Lippincott Company. The author is the Karl" of the Philadelphia Press.
 Two literary landmarks in London are doomed to disappear. First of them is Little Queen street, which will come down if the London county council carries its scheme for con- nection betweeen Holborn and the Strand. At No. aforesaid lived Charles Lamb for awhile, and there he wrote "The Old Familiar Faces" but he was lodger only, and the pro- posal that a tablet should mark the spot is distasteful to some of his ad- mirers. No. was an abode of misery there occurred that tragedy of Lambs life, his sisters outbreak of insanity. Doomed, also, is the ancient cottage in Hornsey, where Tom Moore lived for a time, in spite of rats and a smoky chimney. But Moore did not really care about Hornsey, though he wrote some of "Lal;a Rookh" there.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
Mtesa's Letter.

In the life of Emin Pasha is an ac. count of his visit to Mtesa, King of Uganda, whither he was sent by Cor. don, to try to establish better relations between Mtesa and the Egyptian au- thOrities.
 The King received him with the greatest cordiality, and afterward sent him, by his secretary, a letter, in En- glish, informing Emin that the king was Christian and desired to see his people so. The letter is worth read ing, as specimen of what a savage can do with English; far more, probably, than most of us, even after much study, could do with an African dialect. It runs as follows. in it's original spelling
 ''To my dear friend! My Dear friend hear whot 1 sag 1 am Christian and be thou Christian first was the Meham- edans ans find it Is all lie and vows I am away from them 1 am among the Christiantys and Jank the people that how is away the Christian but I myself am Christian
 "from Mtesa king of Uganda"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

The Mennonites select pastors by lot, and the ceremonies by which the selec- ton is made are conducted with great deliberation and solemnity. The people meet in church, and after preliminary religious services, a committee retires to an anteroom. A Bible for each can. didate for the pastoral office is pro cured, and into one of the sacred vol. umes a slip of white paper is inserted. The books are intermingled and placed on a table, when each candidate ad. vances, selects a Bible and seats him. self. The Bibles are then examined by the bishop, and the possessor of the one in which the slip of paper is found be comes the apparently predestined pas tor. Ordination follows; the congrega- ton unite in praise and thanksgiving, satisfied and happy in the belief that the choice is by Divine appointment.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
A Mean Husband.

The tea things had been cleared away, and the head of the establish ment was trying to read the evening paper while his better half busied her self with some fancy work, and at the same time endeavored to interest him in the gossip of the neighborhoOd.
 Maria" said he, glancing up from his paper, "did you ever hear the story of precious gems?'
 "Why, no," she replied; what is itY"
 "It's an old-time fairy legend that my grandmother told me when I was a boy" he continued, about a woman from whose lips there fell either dia- mond or ruby every time she spoke a word"
 "Well, go on," she said.
 That's all there Is of 1t, Maria" he replied. "But was just thinking if such things happened nowadays I'd open a jewelry store the first thing in the morning."
 And then for thirteen consecutive minutes silence reigned supreme.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
Some Case. of K1eptomania.

Here are some striking cases of klep- tomania: A series of thefts was com mitted in some of the best houses in New York. The culprit turned out to be a young woman connected by birth and marriage with the owners There after. when from household which she had visited anything was missed, the owner would go to her. kiss her and ask it back. It was quite family mat ter.
 At that time there was journalist about town who was both a social fa- Vorite and an able man. He kept a bachelor establishment in which it was bis amiable habit to entertain those who had entertained him. There of an afternoon or of an evening people would gather and take back from his drawing room things which he had taken from theirs There was never a word ex thanged on the subject. Perfect cour- tesy prevailed.
 Then there was young fellow whose name figures in the early history of the United States At dinner which he attended ring handed about for in- spection disappeared So much was said that later he returned it with state ment to the effect that it had caught in the lining of his sleeve. A few days afterward we heard Talboys-dead since, but not orgotten-ordering a coat of a tailor whom we patronized in common and expressly stipulating that it should not have that kind of sleeve.
 In each of these instances the case belonged not to jurisprudence. but to pathology. Kleptomania is disease. like influenza. only, thank fortune. less catching. ng.-Collier' Weekly.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
ChinatownAs Lottery.

Chinamen are natural gamblers. and in every city in this country where they congregate they have lottery.
 The manner of conducting the lot tery is characteristic. Square yellow papers are circulated about Chinatown They contain 80 characters within green border. There Is no name or loca- tion on the sheet, but every one knows it's office and uses Translated literally, these characters represent some natural phenomena, such as Heaven and earth, ' Fishes swim, Birds fly" ''The world is vast, "Clouds rise" and other commouplaces of daily life. and so general are they that the most ordinary dream may find here character for in depreciation
 Twenty characters are chosen and crossed and the wager laid. When the drawing comes. the man who guesses three of these numbers gets bis money back: five. he wins double his stake. and ten. 900 times the amount paid in. The stakes run from 10 cents to $5 The highest and lowliest inhabitant of the quarter delights in the bah-ka-pou and plays it with almost religious per eiStency.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

Even Italy makes demands upon China. This is probably to get new market for macaroni. The fowery kingdom must get into European ways and absorb the goods of foreign devils or there will be the devil to pay. Eng land has forced her to buy opium. France has absinthe for sale, Germany wants the Mongolian to soak in innocu- ous beer, and the United States will sell him cigarettes. The heather Chinee is certainly up against a demoralizing game when he attacks occidental civ ilization.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

| The effort to provide homes in this
 country and Canada for the Russian
 sect called the Doukhobors, of whom the total number is about 10000, gives l prominence to one of the most curious religious bodies that are to be found | anywhere in the world. The real title
 of the body is the Universal Brother hood Christians, and it was first heard of in 1750. The leaders trace their ori- gin to the English quakers, although | there are now remaining few traces of
 the parent religion. They are described | as ''peaceable, simple and devout, and they live the communal life" At one
 time they numbered more than 10000, but prosecutions and efforts to repress
 them in Russia have reduced their num-
 Der about one-half. Their form of be-
 lief is peculiar and strange. They deny the existence of a personal God, and
 their doctrine of the Trinity is that
 Memory is God the Father, Reason is God the Son and Will is God the Holy
 Ghost. They believe in the immortality
 of the soul, but hold that an infant is | soulless and that it does not possess a soul until the fifteenth or sixteenth
 year of its life. They deny human au- thority over them and denounce the | forcing of one man to do the bidding of another, but they are in no sense revo- lutionists and their only resistance to the government is their refusal to take
 up arms in its behalf. Their domestic affairs are as anomalous as their faith.
 Their family ties are based entirely
 upon mutual love and affection. but their marriages, or unions, are binding | upon neither husband nor wife. They
 have been most inhumanly persecuted in Russia. In August, 1799, the entire body was banished to Siberia under a
 ukase that provided that they should be
 kept for life at hard labor ''and that
 they should never have the chains re-
 moved from their hands and feet" In 1882 they were permitted to cOlOnize a
 Siberian farm, but in 1889 their farm
 was seized and the able bodied men
 were all forced into the army. In 1860
 they were permitted to return to Rus sia, and about 15,0OO of them came
 back, but they were driven from one
 part of the country to the other and
 were finally removed to the Caucasus. About two years ago they were given
 permission to emigrate at their own ex-
 pense, and the cost of this movement
 was, by the efforts of Count Tolstoi.
 contributed by the English Quakers.
 colony of about HOO was sent to Cv- prus and another body is to be sent to Western Canada. In this country there
 is committee which has taken up the cause of these refugees, at the head of which is William D. Howells, the novel ist, of New York. Jane Addams. of Chicago is also an active member of this board.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
A Good Story of Landseer.

Landseer, riding down Bond street, saw the following notice in a picture dealers shop window. "A Fine Land seer on View Within. He went into the shop and asked to see the :'fine Landseer. The dealer, who did not recognize him. proudly pointed out the work. It was rather an early one. The dealer was, of course, loud in its praise.
 "And how much do you want for itf" said Landseer.
 1.-Two thousand guineas. sir. was the reply.
 ''Two thousand guineasP That seems a long price for an early work. "
 ''I could not take a shilling less,' said the dealer ''He's gone, sir, touching his forehead significantly. "He's out of his mind. He'll never paint another.
 ''Is he indeed 2" said Landseer "I'm very sorry to hear that. And as he was coming away he noticed a large picture by Stan6eld. May ask what you want for this Stan6eldf''
 "That, sir. is also 2. 900 guineas" :"
 "Whatr' said Landseer, touching his forehead and initiating the dealer . gesture. "Is Stan6eld gone toof"
 The Magic Whirlpool.
 Fill a glass tumbler with water throw upon it's surface few fragments CT thin shavings of camphor. and they will instantly begin to move and ac- quire a motion both progressive and rotary, which will continue for a con- siderable time. If the water be touched by any greasy substance. the floating particles will dart back and. as if by a stroke of magic. be instantly deprived of their motion and vivacity
 A Useless Wish.
 'Oh," sighed the poetic lady, ''had I the wings of birdi'
 "Don'tl" protested her husband Don't wish for the wings of bird If you had them. some other woman would probably be wearing them on her hat before the season is over "-Wash- ington Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

It appears that the young dancing woman in an Eastern city who embel- lished the announcement of her public entertainment by long list of names of very distinguished ''patronesses" did not go to the trouble of asking the pat ronesses'" permission. Some of the patronesses have publicly objected, and as the announcements said rather more about them than about the entertain ment it seems that they have some right to feel aggrieved. It is difficult to see what the "patronesses" have to do with this or great many other en- terprises which they are said to be pat ronizing, anyway. Possibly 1t is com fort to some people who buy tickets to the entertainment to know that they are patronizing a show which also en- joys the patronage of some very wealthy women; but it is difficult to see how it makes the show any better.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

If the law enabled every person in- Jured or the heirs of every person killed by fire or in attempting to escape from fire in public inn or hotel to collect a considerable fixssl sum by a prompt and approximately summary process, the precautions against fires and against fatal consequences from them would be made very much more effec- tive. The vigilance and ingenuity of the innkeeper would be far more effec- tive than any official supervision.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
Force of Habit.

''Of course you can't imagine what curious experiences we have with sick people," confided a trained nurse. "I have just come from very interesting case-a dear old lady. lovely in every way. but utterly unmanageabls and un- reasonable on the subject of early rising. The dear woman cannot turn over in her bed or put her hand to her head she is fatally i'll. poor creature-but she wakes me every morning at o'clock to have her face and hands bathed and her cap changed. oh. l groan. it is only o'clock. Mrs. Lorrimer; that is too early for sick people to get awakel Let us have another little nap.
 "'No. no. she always answers; my father reared me to get up at 5 o'clock 1 can't disobey my training You must make my toilet I mussn't sleep any longer -
 ''So have to get awake. prepare the dear old lady for the day-80 years old she is. and weak and sick-just because she was reared by father with abnor- nal ideas of rising time "-Indianapo- lis Journal
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
Too Slow.

President of the Company guess you'd better discharge that boy.
 Manager-Why? He seems to be a nice, quiet kind of boy, and haven't noticed that he has neglected his work.
 President-That's all very true, but I don't think he has the making of 8 financial genius in him. He's been around here for more than three weeks now and hasn't given either you or me to understand that he knows more about the business than we do.-Cht cago News.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
That's the Time.

'T wish I knew how to make an oys- ter loaf," said Mrs. Squildig, as she bored over her cookbook.
 'Tne oysrer-loafing season comes as soon as the months with the R go out, " replied MT. Squildig.-Pittsburg Chron- ele-Telegraph.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

The so-called endurance sport, six day bicycle races, has been prohibited in New York. Among the bills passed by the Legislature of the State was one making it misdemeanor for the proprietor, occupant or lessee of place where bicycle races are held to allow a contestant to continue in a race for a longer time than fifteen hours during twenty-four hours.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

divides patronage with Chilled Har- old's Pilgrimage" Naturally Prof. Koch's investigations will excite de gree of curiosity, but we advise him in advance that he cannot sell any ma laria lymph in the part of the world of which we write. Its people are conserv- ative and never desert a tried and faithful household remedy for any new fangled medicines.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
Uuimportaut.

"What has become of the Chinese Emperor" inquired one of the leading citizens of Pekin. "He doesn't seem to be alive to the situation" @
 "Yes," replied the mandarin who knows court secrets; "as politician he is so completely off the earth that the Empress doesn't even think it's worth while to announce any more funerals for m."-WashingtOn Star.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
A Meau Man
,xu did vn1 Ouiof litf1o Took ov

"How did you quiet little Jack?"
 "I told him he should see Barnum's circus when it came"
 "When is 1t coming?'
 ''I dunno. It's an English corpora tlon now. I guess Jack'll be old enough to pay his own way when 1t comes."- Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

Bismarck, in speaking about those people who are always complaining of the behavior of the police, said: ''I am reminded of the story of the police con- missioner of Hanover. A wealthy man complained to him that the policemen were unnecessarily abrupt in address ing the public. Well, you see,' said the commissioner, I've advertised for soci- ety men to join the force, but can't get themp"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
His Dark View.

"What a pessimist that man Armi- tage is."
 Docs he believe our nation is upon the brink of destructiOnY
 "Well, no; itisn't quite as bad as that but he bought new bicycle last year and he's fretting now because horse less carriages may be within reach of all before he gets his wheel thoroughly worn out"
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
Keeping Loaded.

Harris-Walters has been looking pretty sad since his daughter got mar ried, hasn't he?
 Correll-Yes; you see, he had no soon- CT got his daughter off his hands than he found he would have to put her hus- band on his feet.-Brooklyn Life.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
FaithfnI to History.

Evelyn-Did you enjoy the Colonial Danes tea, Hortense?
 Hortense-Oh, so much! The club hired an old omnibus to go in and 1t broke down.-Dstroit Free Press.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
The Mechanism of Style.
cagO News

q wish," said the man who was writing a speech, 'that could think of the word I want"
 "What kind of word is it?" asked his wife.
 Something that means cutthroat, robber and villain. It's got to be word of at least four syllables, because I want 1t to be polished sarcasm."- Washington Star
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

Do what they will with automobiles, the. horse that Is driven out of business by them will perchance take his re- venge in the form of beef, and do his best kicking in the stomachs of his eyicters.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
Where shou1d It Re1

Teacher-Did any of you ever see an elephants skin?
 Bright Boy-Please, sir, have. Teacher-Where was it, my boy? Bright Boy-On the elephant, sir.- Cincinnati Enquirer.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

"Come and dine with us tomorrow, 9 said the old fellow who had made his money and wanted to push his way into society. Sorry" replied the elegant man. Il can't; I'm going to see Ham, let" That's all right" said the hos pitable old gentleman; "bring him with you '-Tit-Bits
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

The New York Tribune is authority for the statement that splitting in public places is actually on the decrease in that city. This seems to show that it does sometimes pay to interfere with what other people seem to consider their rights.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
A Cheerful SouI.

Do you believe the time is coming when nobody will read poetry?"
 "I don't see why it should. AS long as we possess the art of printing we can preserve the works of the poets who lived and wrote long ago."
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

Warships deteriorate more by being put out of commission than when kept in service. This is on the principle often observed among men who are spelling for a fight
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
The Mystified Father.

"Your son. said the school teacher, ''is very backward in his studies"
 That's funny" unused the father. At home in conversation with me he seems to know 1t l"-Philadelphia North American.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27

A progressive dinner party is the latest fad. Weary Willie, Dusty Roads and FIowery Fields were. the origina- tors of the game, but it never became really popular until society took it up.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
So His WaY Went.

"Oh, yes, can see my weigh clear enough" said the butcher; but he took the precaution to stand in front of the scale in such way that his customer couldn't see it.-Boston Transcript.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
HOW He Lost d Patient.

Mrs. Murdock-Doctor, I'm afraid I've eaten something that has dis agreed with me.
 Dr. Pellets (absently)-Well, it might have known better.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
A Sin1nlR CurA

''Doctor," said he, I'm a victim of insomnia. l can't sleep if there's the least nOise-such as a cat on the back fence, for instance"
 ''This powder will be effective" re- piled the physician, after compounding a prescription.
 ''When do take 1t, doctorY
 "You don't take it. Give 1t to the cat in little ."-Tit-Bits.
The St. Johns herald., 1899-05-27
Wnman,s Curiositx.

Miss Blickens-I saw you get up and give your seat in the car to a tired old lady yesterday. MT. Blimbus-Yes, am in the habit of doing that.
 Miss Blickens-That is very good of you, I'm sure, but do you always com pei them to wait until the conductor calls your station?