Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1899-07-29

My wlfo's arithmetic. ind.
o. something fierce" 1tUupeCk AYERS:
"she thinks sho adds 90 my peace %
mind
ny giving me a piece Of hcra."
fnqulrinR boy to hls mother. ma.
what did tho moths eat before Adam
and Eve wore clothea2'
a Baltimore Firi recently expressed
the opinion that old bachelors must live
on stale brcad-thoy were DO crusty
Tho Grocer. eyes pir. this rrnno-
grino Is the best breakfast food on the
market. II Il pro-dlgostod-." Mr..
Fadsby tshuddcrlng): Bless my soull
by whom7'
why DO you say that you viii marry
only n Widow7" well, 1 think ID ~
the part OF wisdom TO ret some one who
has already discovered that men are
not angels.
Nurse 90 young husbands "a beau
tlful tcn-pouud baby. sir" Young
Husband getting things mixed IN his
eNcitcmonDl "Gloriousl Am ! a father
or mother2'
Amy (readlng); HE gave her Jew
elcd v-l-n-n-i-E-r-o-tt-e-h do you
pronounce that. Uncle iaancf' Uncle
Isaac tgruny): II pronounce Ii down
right foolishness.
Teachers did any Of you ever sec
an elephants skim Bright boy.
please, air. have" Teacher. Where
was H. my boy2" Brigh; Boy. ION
the elephant air."
Meeka' nut what's the use OF argi-
Ing the matter7 One can't get more out
Of a bottle than no puts IN H." Weeks.
oh, / don't know. / put a quart Of
liquor Ia a bottle once and got "a big
head aud $40 fino out VI Il the next
morning"
Mother; why, johnnie. what on
earth have you been dolng2" Johnnie.
'fightini And you owe mo half
crown for Il. You know the tooth you
was going TO pay the dentist 20 draw"
Yea We'll. BIZ Blinor knocked Il
ouL"-rid-Bits.
See here" howled the manager.
"dOcn Il take you four hours 10 carry n
message three streets away and re-
turn wy said the new ONCE boy.
you told me TO sec how long Il would
take me to 30 there and back. and /
done IT,"
Bobby: Pop. what does hereditary
meanf' Fond Parents ut means, Bob
by, something that goes from parent to
child. Now see II you can give me an
example Of something that IL hcred-
itary." Bobby; Measles, I got 'em
from Extraordinarily Life.
'Le me see." muaed the sporting
editor what Ia an incubator AN
incubator" replied the agricultural
editor. ia an esq plant"
He; DO you think your father would
offor me personal violence N l were to
AJAX him FOR yuu?" She. NO, but /
think ho will IL Won don't prettv aoon -
Jones; what II tho idea OF giving
the protected manufacturers "a hearing
IN Washington IL II 20 sec what they
wnut2' Jenklna' mo- 10 see what
thoyu tnkc."-Puek.
Il hear Mrs. Derby, that your hus-
band has two rcyolycra and "a Win
chester Tor any burglars who may call"
"Hc had. but they came the other night
and got thcm."-Dctroit Free Press.
Miss Summers; THAT was an awfuuy
old Joke your friend got on little
while ago. I can remember hearing Il
when I was a girl" Mr.. Winters. oh
Il can't be as old as thatl"-Y onkers
Statesman.
Mother; when the boy In the othcr
house throw stones at you. why didn't
cause. mamma. 1 can throw them back
better than you. He's more likely to
get hit"-llartford Times.
80 you've got horseless carriage.
CHI" demanded the professional caller
"No" 'Eieetrlclty." mo. "Kero-
seno7" mo" We'll, what In thunder
IL it7' Mules. you darned fooli'--
Press.