Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1899-07-31
JUST FOR FUN.

| spare enough money to buy me q
gum"
E'My son, am going to get you a
gun when can spare boy, not be-
fore"
"Our treasury" said Wong Hye,
els suffering from an overplus of
drafts"
"No WONDER" exclaimed the Chi
nese emperor, with considerable pet
ulance ''Just think of all the open
doors!n
Newlywed- I never thought
of saving a cent until I got married!"
Bachelor-"And do you now?''
Newlywed-"Oh,y yes, indeed! I'm
continually thinking how much I
might save if wasn't.'
"Do you," said the notary, "swear
that you will tell the truth, the whole
truth and
ooh, how ]ovely!" the fair witness
interrupted, ''shall really be allow
ed to talk all the afternoon if I want
to-"
Wheeler-''I saw you at church
Sunday morning"
eyes, I had a badly damaged tire.
What was the matter with your
wheel?"
81 notice." said the observant
boarder, 'that the amount of money
in circulation in the United States at
present is $2S.3S per CAPITA"
sI WISH" replied the cross-eyed
boarder, after taking an inventory of
the contents of his pockets, s'that you
would lend me $28.25 to make up my
sEare'
Tart lady-"What do you want?''
Tramp-''I don't want nothin' to
eat, lady, but of course you'll gimme
10 cents to help buy Dewey a gold
watch?'
Deacon Skinner-"Wal, Silas, our
church got struck by lightning last
night, and it'll cost $50 to repair the
steeple.
Deacon Grinder-s'Wal, then, by
heifer! We'll take it out of the par
sons salary! knew suthin' or other
would happen after them free and
easy sermons he's been preaching
lately"
"Well, never thought that Jonesy
would die a natural death,'' said
Snaggs, when he had been told of the
passing away of man he had known.
81 didn't say he died a natural
death,' said Dinwiddie.
"You told me he died in bed.''
EBut it was in folding bed.n
II would like to know" said the
gruff old father to the young man
who had been calling with consider
able frequency, "Whether you are
going to marry my daughter?"
$50 would l." answered the diff
dent young man. "Would you mind
asking her?"
"Look here! Are you the man I
gave square meal one cold, bleak
February morningW
"I'm the man, num-"
"We1, do you remember you prom
ised to shovel all the snow out of my
back yard and then sneaked off with
out doing it?''
eyes, mum, and, me conscience
smote me. OATS de reason | tramp
ed all de way here through de blazing
sun to do de job"
MRS. Boldly came over and said,
as we were going away, she would
like to borrow our lawn mower,
porch chairs, hammock, ice cream
freezer, water filter and your BIZ
cycle"
"Did you lend them to her?'
"Of course; you know she is going
to take care of our parrot"
Jim Frye of Hustonville tells this
of Jim Coulter of Middleburg: One
day when Mr.. Coulter was at Liberty,
a very young man with very bald
head came into the hotel He was a
stranger, and Mr.. Coulter, by way of
commencing a conversation, said to
him:
my friend, am not asking to guy |
you, but would like to know how it |
comes that SO young a man is SO
bald?''
"It was this way" he replied.
"When my time to get hair came,
they said there was none left but red.
so I told them didn't believe I cared |
for any"
AS Coulter had a very red head, he
was satisfied to let the matter drop.