The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1899-11-30
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Help! help" cried the man who was
being robbed. Calm Yourself" said
the highwayman, Il don't need any as
sistance. Exchange.
An art criticism: "Shcd look better
without so much powder and rouge on"
Yes. She isn't so bad as she's paint
ed."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mrs Oatcake reading newspaper
There are $4,000 Poles in philadelphia.
Farmer Oatcake-tiracious What q
| place to raise Observation-Disclosures Rec.
ord.
How long have they been keeping
houseT' well, understand they
usually keep one until the landlord In
sists on having the rent."-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Freddie-It's always in damp places
where mushrooms grow, isn't it, papai
Papa--Yes, my boy. Predicts that
the reason they look like umbrellas,
papa ?--Tld- Bits.
Physician giving advice)-Lastly, Nc
CORY, don't go to sleep on an empty
stomach. McGorry Cwho is ailing)-No
danger av thot, dOcthor; Oi always
Shape on me back.-BaZar.
An Explanation. referred to
your friend as dead game sports
man?" Yes: he always buys his birds
in the market. Dead game is his spe-
Observation-Disclosures Star.
Muggins-AIy wife insists upon hav-
Ing the last word. Bugglns-You're
lucky. In the bright lexicon of my
wife's vocabulary there is no such word
as last.-Philadelphia Record.
The Missionary-My erring brother,
have you been Christianized? The Ma
tive-Not completely. They have COB
bled all my land but st II have my few
clothes.-lndianapolis journal.
Don't be afraid, Willie! Tigers al.
ways roar when it's time for them to be
fed" "Oh, amt afraid, grandpa.
Papa makes worse row than that
when dinners late at home."-Jugend.
Lady of the house Ito applicant for
place)-"Why did you leave your last
place.? Servant-"Once was caught
listening at the door" Lady-"Oh,
what did you hearT'-F'liesende Blat-
ter.
How did you manage to escape hay
fever this year, Clara?" Il didn't
Papa managed it," How" He said
he couldn't raise the money to send
me to the mountains. New York
World.
Bride throwing her arms about the
bridegroom's neck)-You are my pris-
oner for life. Bridegroom-It's not i'm
prisonment for life, love; it's capital
MISUNDERSTANDING Town and County
Journal.
Mrs. Wiltby-"I am afraid baby isn't
well, dear" Wiltby-"What makes
you think SOP Mrs. Wiltby-"He
hasn't had anything the matter with
him so long that I'm getting real wor-
ried."-Puck.
An evasive answer: Banker-"Before
accept you as sutton for my daugh-
ter, l should like to know how yon
stand politically. Now, l am for gold"
Suitor-'"That's what I'm after, sirr'-
Town Topics.
The Military Obsession: Superinten-
dent-Yes, and where did John the Bap-
fist live? Scholar-In the desert. Su-
erlntendent-Quite right. And what
do we call people who live in the desert?
Scholar-Deserters.-Brooklyn Life.
Tired Madam, will you
please help poor, homeless man out
of his troubles?' Madam (who was
raised in the backwOods) -"Certainly
Would you rather be shot or hit on the
head with an aXT'-NorristoW Herald.
Mrs. Bugg-"If you keep on being so
unreasonable l shall just have to go
home and live with mamma" Mr..
Bugg-"Stay, my dear, | cannot be IN
reasonable enough to consign you to
such u cruel fate" -Philadelphia Bull
letin.
Zones called up his first wife OF the
seance last night, and what do you
think he said to her?' said Smith.
Goodness knows" replied Brown He
asked her If she would give his second
wife her recipe for mincemeat. Pick
Me-Up.
The Parting: She-Henry. dearest,
l have at last discovered that / love
you! Ha-Ah, you have heard, then,
that my uncle has died and left me
5000. She-Sir. after that remark we
must part forever! l heard it was fifty.
Judge.
Deacon Black-Dis amt no pussonal
queschun; but If a man steals a chick
ing am 1t propah TO him ter say grace
befO' he eats il? Deacon Johnson