The times., 1899-12-24

for breakfast the actor rarely rises until
nearly noon. Then he and the bellboy have
words regarding the temp -ature OF the ice
water, he and the chambermaid quarrel
concerning the adyisability OF tearing up
the carpet in their search for a collar but
ton, and he and the porter all but come to
blows over the location of the trunk The
Aforesaid ice water seems sufficiently warm
tor shaving purposes but. at last. is made
to serve; the collar button is found nesting
under the wardroba, and the trunk is shift
ed. Dressing proceeds. and the player de-
Scends TO a thin steak and muddy coffee
The walters. who have been standing around
since the hour at which all patrons of the
hotel were expected to put in an appear
ance, walk about sulleuly and make re-
marks TO each other on the absence of the
customary tip. The Cakes are trapped and
the butter is strong. Ten minutes suffice
for the entire spread and the Bohemian
Christmas -spender hasteus to the theatre.
where he faces an audience of gumchewiBg
girls, crying infants, and turkey-flled ma
irons.
Before dinner there is a seance with the
register is the upstairs apartment. The
disciple of Thespis takes advantage Of the
twilight to sit before the chilled steel and
think He tells that bit Of hardware of a
comfortable fiat in New York and OF the
general lack OF appreciation with which one
meets in his business The register gurgles
back sympathy Then he speaks of little
wife who may have cOnned his route sheet
q hundred times in search of the posi-
bility NJ his being at home on Christmas
He even may confide the likelihood that at
that particular moment rare meal has
been finished. and that the candles are
lighted for baby just old enough 10 say
dad He may describe the warmth Of his
study, and the fire that can be made TO
glow in the hearth while he and his family
nestle down TO chat over past triumphs
at Oshkosh and future hits on Broadway.
All these things may be mentioned by the
ideal actor. The real actor generally has
had from two 10 five help-msets and is
obliged to part his salary in the middle
every alimOny day But if you please, this
is Christmas, and we will stick TO the
| ideal
After these reveries there is the Christ
mas dinner What mockery is a Christ
mas dinner in a good hOteE There are a
hardwood floor and a dozen servants
/ rugged out carefully in cheap dress suits
there is shining pewter and cold-loOhng
glass; there are scores of strangers in
evening dress and chairs that might fit
the back of a wax fgure-and would tit
little else on earth. BY way OF a final
touch, there may be a concealed Chsstra
| dealing out the inspiring strains Of I'd
Leave My Happy Home for You" Or Of
/ that equally appropriate classic, When
You Amt Go No Money You Needn't Come
| Round" The guest hesitates and walks
to his place. Having found a vacant table
he sits down. after bowling to the most
cordial of the enemies he has in the
company with which he is employed Then
waiter takes his order-four small Oys-
ters on a bed of cracked ice. three bits of
| brownsh celery. cocktail with cherry
in it. six Softened olives, five tablespoon
fuls of thin soup in an ironware plate.
! some vegetables a bit Of roast beef, a
white and a dark slice of turkey cut thin
| and laid over a lump of dressing. dish OF
nuts, a saucer of ice-cream, a cafe noire,
a finger bowl, and-memories.
Generally the memories take up most OF
the dinner-there is so much for the
| average actor to remember He may think
over his town and his people and his
struggles-he may feel bitter at his fail
ures and sorry Of his successes-he even
may make believe" as Sara Crew used
to do and try to imagine that the folk
about him are relatives and that the formal
appearing room is the shabbier den of
his own little ranch" Then, strange as it
may seem, he often adds to this a picture
Of Broadway with cutting wind blowing
the snow about and the lights of the thea
tres guiding the cabbies across Herald
Square There is much of which a man
may dream when he is away on Christmas
with a fight ahead of him and defeat
behind-with great city about him in
which not one of the passeTs-by would care
were he lying dead in the morgue instead
of nodding over an icy repast.
Jerome X Jerome, with his marvellous
sight into human nature and his long ey-
perience as a player, understood how the
mental visions of the heartsck invariably
conjure up such scenes as this. You bury
your face in your hands, says he, and
think that you would like TO die and go
to heaven. Then you see your relatives
watching your funeral and are more cheer
full" A bad liver and harsh word from
! the stage manager will make the average
! Thespian imagine more deserted graves
than would fill Government cemetery.
After dinner comes the, theatre again
the stroller impersOnates hero whom