Akron daily Democrat. [volume] (Akron, Ohio) 1892-1902, 1899-09-02
low FAILED
HIND SET OUT TO MAKE HIMSELF
GOOD LOOKING.

But, After Makir;; 81 Number of Pur-
chases With That End In View,
Came to the ConcIusion That His
Efforts Were All Vain.
Mr.. BlykinS came home with 4 large
number of bundles under his arm.
When he got inside the door he made
straight for the kitchen and had an
Interview with the cook. His wife
made no inquiries and offered no CON-
ment.
When the roast beef was brought in
he looked at the napkin which had
been given him and tossed it aside.
Gimme another one," he exclaimed.
"Why, what's the matter?'
This amt big enough" was the
only explanation.
When his demand had been COM
piled with he tucked the eXpanse of
linen ostentatiously around his neck,
tasted the food before him and sat
back, with his knife and fork crossed
before him and an iIhine grin on bis
face. His wife stared at him.
What do you think of itY' he asked,
suddenly becoming serious.
''Of what?'
THE way look. Do strike you as
the picture of prosperity and con-
tent? Do impress you rs portly
bon vivant who has realized one of the
supreme moments of his existence?"
NO." she answered sweetly vet sad
ly. Il can't say that is what you re-
mind me of"
He made no reply. but took the nap
kin from his neck and, after taking a
few dyspeptic nibbles of the roast.
pushed his plate away.
you wouldn't object to my having
another cup of coffee and smoking a
cigar with it. would your" he in
quired.
Certainly not"
He took the cigar from his upper
left hand vest pocket and looked at
a small advertising card which lie had
placed there with it. He stood up with
one hand half way in his trousers
pocket. while the other held the cigar
in front of him. Then he resumed his
previous smile.
How is it?" he asked anXiously
after a moment. lis that all right?
Do remind you of a wit. philosopher
and raconteur? Is there a glow Of
affable comfort emanating from me,
an intimation that am liable at any
moment to make life cheerier with
flow of genial eloquenceY
No"
The fact that | have side whiskers
doesn't help out the illusion?"
Il am afraid not"
81 look just as round shouidered and
long jawed as ever?' he persisted in a
tone of calm self depreciation which
was pathetic.
81 didn't say that"
II guess it's no use. It's another de-
ception. | have looked at the adver-
tisement of the table sauce with the
Picture Of the prosperous, portly man
till | couldn't resist the temptation to
try it. | thought if could look like
that just once in my life it would be
worth every cent it cost. Art is
great thing, but it is misleading. The
picture which goes with that cigar
gave the impression that it causes a
man to look every inch an after dinner
orator. | have another in my pocket
that accompanies the portrait of an
actor who can melt your heart by gaz-
ing upward just past his eyebrows and
drawing the corners of his mouth down
with an expression of deep tenderness.
But I'm not going to try it. The goods
may be all right, but the pictures are
n snare and delusion. I've got some
shaving soap which l relied on to make
me resemble an Apollo in store clothes
and Il suit of underwear that oughu to
make man appear fetchingly coy
and humorous as he holds 1t up in front
of his business suit and measures it
to his manly figure and lot Of other
articles. but Pm not going to try any
of 'em. I'm disillusioned. You can
take 'em to the stores whose names are
on the wrappings. and il you can get
the money back you can have it. l
have made conscientious effort to be
beautiful. and know when Pm beat"
Washington Star.