Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1899-02-15
mffLN1OWN JUNIATA COUNTY
SIDE SPLITTFRS

SIDE SPLITTFRS
Wheeler-I see they have been irwin,
bicycle ambulances. Walker-I thourhl
tnese scorchers would make somethins
OF the kind necessary.-Cincinnati En-
Quirer.
Suburbs-I am not at all good enough
Tor you, dear. Miss Boston-Tm glad
you confess 1t before we were married
You're not the fellow for me.-Bostou
Courier.
4 often experience q shock of disap-
pointment when get I'D close to some
apparently beautiful woman" "Prob.
ably they feel the same way about
you."-Chicaso Record.
Hungry Higgins-As fur eight hours
being enough for a days work
Weary Watkins-It amt. ANY man
who'll do days work orter git six
months.-Indianapolis Journal.
"Julia had her husbands photograph
taken with his head stuck in a news.
paper" why did she do that?' "She
said that was the way he always look
cd to her when he was at home"
Held you tell your father that I
would kill myself II 1 couldn't have
tou? ehe-Yes. He-What did he say ?
She-He said that settled 1t. You
couldn't have me.-Chicago News.
| Jack-Where's Bill now? Jill-Out
West. what doing?" Raising
ralms." Doing WHAT" Raising
palms-making the tenderfeet throw up
their hands" Statesman.
History repeats ITSELF" said the man
who is full Of wise saws. II know 1t
does" replied his morose friend.
That's why I'm beginning to kind Of
lose interest In base-ball."-washing
ton Star.
Sad about the Duzenstickers." !"
whats the matte.Y They've lived
together fifteen years, and they never
had a quarrel until lately, when they
bought bicycles Of different makes."-
Chicago Record.
What in the world Is Smithers build
ing on the lot next doorT' "A cold stor-
age house" ITO keep his meats and
groceries from spoilingT mo; to keep
his daily supply Of ice from melting
away."-Cincinnati Tribune.
Marriage" said the puffy man,
made me what am to-day. Marriage
is the mighty engine Of civilization"
''Then," remarked McCorker, you are
not self but machine made, suppose" !"
philadelphia North American.
Thought you said Frank and George
agreed in politicsr' 80 they do"
''Well, they argue over 1t every time
they meet" That's because they don't
know what It Ii they agree on."-New
York Sun.
| City Man-This must be q very
healthy place. judging from the num-
Der Of old people have seen here! Ma
tive-Healthy? It's SO blamed healthy
that guess a good many Of 'sm will
have to be shot on the judgment day
| PUCK.
women are naturally incredulous."
remarked the whist player. THAT'S
contrary to the common impression"
81 don't care; it's true. You never can
make ono believe you the first time
you tell her what are trumps."-Wash-
!nsten Star.
Wheeler-Have you learned to make
the repairs on your wheel yeti Sprock
No; 1 never shall either. haven't q
bit OF mechanical genius. ''Oh, yes,
you have" Indeed haven't. could
not even invent q car coupler."-Cincin-
natl Enquirer.
Mrs. Wickwire-Don't you ever make
even the slightest attempt at manual
labor? Dismal Dawson-Mum, I am
lIvin' the way am on a bet. I got a
wager Of OO0O up that kin live
eighty years without workin'.-Indian-
apolis Journal.
First Thespian-When was playing
Hamlet in Omaha and getting my fifty
a night, + Second Thespian-Hold
on there, Jack! make that Eve. First
| Thespian-No, Tom, pom me honor.
Fifty q night regular. Eggs are cheap
out there.-Harper's Weekly.
"It's three-quarters Of an hour since
I ordered that turtle SOUP" snapped
the augry guest at the restaurant. "Yes.
sah," said the waiter, with an obse-
ouious bow, but de turtle done make
his 'scape, sab, an dey had to chase
him bout a mile, sah."-Detroit Fres
Press.
Never touched him: ut looks like
rain to-day" said the affable milkman,
as he dumped the regular quart into
the pitcher. 1T always does" said the
woman, and the milkman drove OF
wondering why some people take such
gloomy views Of everything.-Detroi'
Free Press.
mo, sir" said the Kansas editor,
..vour services are no longer required
"May I venture to ask why I'm dis.
cbarpedr' You're too blamed funny
That style may do in the blase and
heartless East, but when you refer te
a death in a cyclone as a terrible blow
to the family, you overdo it out here
Detroit News.
"What in the worlds the matter
map asked Arabella, as her mother
turned from the telephone and asket
for her bonnet and wraps. I'm goint
right downtown" said Mrs. High
rocks, and there was a cold glitter II
her eyes as she spoke. Il just tried t
c.Il YOUR father up, and heard him tel
j.. go ha ,vaan't in"-CleVe