The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-08-20
THE AMATEUR REFoRMER
He Insists on Complaining to the Head
OF the Firm.


YES" said the tall, loose-jointed man
at the telephone, that's the number
want-229."
Double two nine?" queried the voice
at the central Office.
"Wen, I don't know that double two
nine is any better than the plain, or
binary, two, two, nine, but if you insist
on that style, suppose we say double
two single nine and get it exactly right.
Co. 50" menu - ''''''
yes" responded the voice at the
other end of the wire.
us Mr.. Spotcash in?"
lis it something important? He is
much occupied"
80 am l. Yes, it's matter Of some
Importance, and want to talk to Mr.,
spotcash personally. ;. Yes Yes IN IN
the 'phone"-
"Hello!" Is that Mr.. spotcash?"
Eyes. Who is it?"
you are the head of the firm OF
Spotcash & Co., are you not?'
YES" was the impatient answer.
What do you want? Who are your
civilians. No. 1895 Pumpernickel
street. I want to enter a complaint"
What about?"
II bought an ice box at your store a
few days ago, and
Call up the household goods depart
ment. confound you'll 1 have no time
to spare to look after such things"
you've got as much time, perhaps,
as l have. I haven't any complaint
to make to the household goods depart
ment. The head of the firm is the man
want to talk to. 1 bought an ice box
at your store a few days ago for SIG, TO-
might have got it cheaper somewhere
else, but that isn't the point. Having
bought it and paid for it, had right
to expect 1t to be delivered within
reasonable time and in fair condition.
1t didn't come for four days, and when
it did Gomez
Say, you! 1 employ men to heal
complaints of this kind
II have no use for them You're the
responsible man of the house. The
system is yours. If it doesn't work
smoothly, IL is your fault. When that
ice box came four days after purchase
one of the casters was missing, the
varnish was scraped off the outside sur
1t looked as If it had gone through a
hard season at a cheap boarding
house,
IF there's anything wrong with it,
roared Mr.. Spotcash, send it back l
can't take up my time"-
Stand little farther away from the
phone, Mr.. Spotcash. Your voice
sounds as If you had your mouth full
of mashed potatoes
Who the devil are your
II think gave you my name and adj
dress, Civilians. No. 1875 Pumpernlck-
ell street. Next door to Lazarus j. Spill
mo from a
stuffed alligator, but you may have
heard of Spillhorn. Don't you allow
yourself to get hot, Mr.. Spotcash, over
an iceboX. The incongruity of such a
thing ought to be apparent, even to
the head of an overgrown junkshop"--
IF you were here, sir, 1 should kick
you out of my office
You would probably need some help.
If that icebox had simply been defaced
a little I shouldn't have made any fuss
about it, but the stupid ass you sent
to deliver IT,
Haven't you sense enough, you in
fernal idiot, to know that 1 don't look
personally after the little details of
business amounting to millions of
dollars a year?"
IF you don't grasp every detail of
that business, you Cheap John notion
pedler in a gilt binding, you are not fit
to be the boss Of it. Don't try to crawl
out Of the responsibility by throwing
the blame on some boy. If that iceboX
had simply been defaced a little, I re-
peat, 1 shouldn't have made any fuss
about 1t, but the fellow you sent to de-
liver it didn't have any more sense than
to tumble ii on the sidewalk
Bring it back, blank your
Look here, Spotcash, that won't do.
you know You are not allowed to talk
in that style over the telephone. Exer-
else a little common sense, Spotcash.
You know ii isn't my place to bring
that iceboX back. The proper thing to
do. you thirty-third degree haberdasher
and toy vendor, is to send me a new
icebox and take the damaged one
back
you blank fool, do you think you
can tell me-
again let me tell you, Spotcash, not
to use such language over the tele-
phone. Some remote ancestor of yours
may possibly have been gentleman.
Try to emulate him, Spotcash. In the
mean time, please accept the assuran-
ces Of my distinguished considera ton,
and the icebox will remain in my dwell
ling. subject to your order. If it is re-
placed properly and within a reasona-
BILE time, you will not hear from me
again. If it isn't, shall call
you up, Spotcash, personally, a dozen
times a day through all the public tel
ephopes in town. l haven't the pa
thence to call at your store to make
the complaint Your system of making
exchanges is too complicated, and /
believe in going to headquarters with
all kicks, anyhow. Never allow BUR
self to think, Spotcash, that you are
too big a man to listen to a complaint
from your meanest customer. / think
that's ALL Good morning, Spotcash."-
ChicaVo Tribune