Union gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1899-1900, 1899-09-15
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l
fe-Are freckles made by the shadows
II the sunspots ?-Cleveland Leader.
Father-How is 1t that you're such a
iunce at your lessons, Tommy? Tom,
ny-I expect it's hereditary.-Boston
Traveller.
He-So you give me the mitten? She
Yes. He-And this Is all? She-I
might throw In a few moth balls
Chicago Record.
Iommy-Paw, why amt prophet
aonored In his own country7 Paw
Because people grow so tired of hear
ng him say, Il told you so."-Puck.
She-He says he loves me; yet he has
only known me two days. Her Friend
We'll, perhaps that's the reason,
1ear.-Ph Philadelphia North American.
what is his name?" THAT'S Sc
:ret." "a secret? What do you mean?'
He's Russian, and no one can pro-
1ounce 1t but himself" Town Topics.
Mrs. Jorkens, l saw you going into
Mrs. Brash's house to-day" Yes; but
have no acquaintance with her at all;
just use her telephone"
Record
did you know our horse baked yes
terdayp Gracious! What did you
doW "Hitched an automobile to him
and dragged him home."-Indianapo
Journal.
"Was that sleight-of-hand mans ex-
libition successful, MudgeT 81 think
10. lent him counterfeit half-crown
ind he gave me back q good ONE
rid-Bits.
How happy the Dabney-Joneses
ook this evening. 1t must be their
Wedding anniversary" mo; they've
got their old cook Detroit
free Press.
what is your definition of the word
'fadY" "a fad," said Miss Cayenne.
,andidly, sis something which some-
body else enjoys and don't" Wash
lngton Star.
How gray your hairs getting, dearl
1t used to be such pretty black"
Yes, dear; and how red yours has
got! 1t used to be such a pretty black.
:oof-Punch.
Mr.. Penn-One physician says thar
the tramp instinct is disease. Mr..
Pitt-Does he recommend a change of
scene as the remedy ?-Pittsburf
Chronicle-Telegraph.
Little Clarence Pa, money talks.
lon't it? Mr.. Callipers-I guess SO. m 6
son. Little Clarence-Well. then, pa,
gimme penny, SOS can hear it whis-
per to me little.-Punch.
Bramble-So Jim Slopay Is deadl
Well, we must all pay the debt of ma
:ure some time or other. Thorne-
That's true. Slopay would have
lodged 1t If any one could.
.'That hammock has hoodoo hIs-
ory." what is itT' ut has been
through six seasons at the seaside with
he Upjohn family, and not one of the
girls is married yet."-Chicago Trib-
Inc.
"She scorned all her wooers SO long
hat now she Is doomed to be an old
maid for the rest of her life." "Well,
hat seems like a just sentence for
such contempt of court"
Bulletin.
Parent-Don't you know that the
great King Solomon said, "Spare the
.od and spoil the child?" Bobby
Yes, but he didn't say that until he
was growed up.-New York Evening
Telegram.
Mrs. Stubb-I believe this Is a bad
quarter, John. Mr.. Stubb-Think so,
Maria? Well, then, guess we'd bet
ter drop it in the church box. Perhaps
good company may reform it.-Chica-
go Daily News.
A young hopeful sat in the window a
ong time the other night during
thunder storm and contemplated the
scene with a wise look on his face.
Then he turned and said: "The an
yels are scratching matches on the
,ky."-Household Words.
The Suburbanite's Limit-Mrs. Her
nitage {on the evening train) II won
der why the city department stores
won't deliver an order of goods free In
the suburbs unless it exceeds So worth?
Mrs. Isolate (ditto)-Well. they know
that suburbanite can easily carry SIS
worth.-Puck.
'eThere's no use talking" said the
man who sat on the piazza looking
over his hotel bill, Grip Van. Wrinkle
failed to appreciate his luck" ''Luck"
"Yes. Fancy a mans being allowed
to stay twenty years in the mountains
without it's costing him cent?
Washington Star.
81 guess I'll go TO Washington" said
Meandering Mike. what fur?' "Oh,
jes' to show myself and make things
cheerful l reckon mebbe the folks
hat examine applications for employ
nent in the census would be kind o.
happy to see somebody that wouldn't
nave work even If he could get it,
Washington Star.
Old Foozle-So, my son, you have
laid aside your studies and are about
to enter upon the active duties of life?
Young Foozle-Yes, dad; but since I
got my sheepskin and have had time
to look around me l am surprised to
closely attended to already.-Boston
Transcript.
"And SO you are about to lose men,
Der of your family" said the old friend,
who had just heard of the approaching
marriage Of the daughter of the house.
"Well, I'm not quite certain about
that" replied the old gentleman. "Just
at present can't figure out whether
I'm to lose a daughter or merely. ac-
quire a son-in-law."-Chicago Evening
Post.
Our Production of Copper.
The copper production of the United
States in the year 1893 was the largest
dod In, cir, ,frln TO-.