Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-12-08
HUMAN DISEASES.

y
our hypochondriac friends will doubt
less be gratified TO learn from the Balti-
more Sun that there are 600 diseases TO
which the flesh Of frail humanity is heir.
This pleasing assortment. while amply
| large TO supply all reasonable demands,
by no means restricts the number OF
complaints to the figures indicated. for IT.
| Of course, does not include the results OF
accidents. Add to the 600 the fractures,
dislocations, wounds. and other troubles
incident to bicycles. horseback-riding,
roler-skatos, unloaded firearms, foot
| bail, electric-cars ct cetera, and we have
ample food for all the complaints which
the most self-lnGulgent could possibly de-
sire TO make.
While 1t is hardly possible for one
wretched mortal enjoying poor health
to have all the diseases mentioned. he
may. nevertheless, come In for n good
proportion OF them. In other words, the
diseases may be apportioned among the
various external parts and organs of the
body and each complaining member may
get a liberal share. Many of these dis
eases, while they may furnish the SUBJ
ject matter for hours OF conversation
nay. for lifetime Of grumblng-do not
KILL though they perpetually do business
at the old stand That dear and invalu-
able old friend Of the hypochondriacs, our
liver, is most versatile organ. so to
speak, and is said TO have a repertoire OF
fifteen diseases. There are half a dozen
troubles the heart may enjoy. and this
number, by the way. does not include the
turmoil and agony sometimes incident to
love.
In this connection It is pleasing for us
to learn that diseases. like fashions.
change with the seasons, and that new
ones are constantly coming to hand. Oc-
casionally. in the lapse Of decades. one
popular disease dies out. and another
takes its place. These changes we cheer
fully and gladly welcome, for thereby our
conversational powers are invigorated.
and spiced with new ideas.
"Vocations of life." says the Sun. give
their impress to diseases. as the clergy
mans sore throat the 'housemaid's
knee writer's cramp. and chimney
sweeps cancer Some of the recent adj
ditions 10 this class Of diseases are type
writer's paralysis and telephone head
ache an afliction to which some of the
exchange girls are subject from constant
use of the telephone receiver
Thus. by constant application TO bust
ness. we are enabled to work up little
sde-issues. in addition TO our old stand
bys, and to have Individual complaints.
which preserve our official identity.
But all good things have their draw
backs. Unfortunately for the hypochon-
dracs a good proportion of the GOO dis
eases mentioned are limited to certain
periods of life. Even the most ambitious
cannot hope to have them all at the same
time. Infants, children, youths. young
men, mature men, and old men all have
complaints peculiar to their age and ply
steal condition. There is temporal linn
itation which makes us shake off some of
our earlier maladies and supersede them
by other complaints. For instance, chol-
and BARRIERS itch are in
as are, also, Group and rheu-
matte govt or teething and premature
badness. So, also, stumped toes and
corns do not come at the same period,
nor broken thumbs and pen-palsy. But
patience. cheerful waiting. and long life
will bring about all the desired ends in
the fulness Of time.
In short, the hypochondriac has much
for which to be thankful. With the va
riety of diseases set before him he
should always be able to fervently ex-
claim, in response to queries concerning
his health, Poly. thank God, poly"