davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
An Added Burden.
Washington Star.)


| was taking my dinner one day at a
mountain farmhouse on the headwaters
of the Cumberland river, and the lady
Of the house, who had four children
playing around the front of the estab-
lishment, was inclined to repine at her
hard luck in having so much work
to do.
Il run this here whole farm she
said in a tone which indicated that she
was ready to resign.
How many acres have your l in
quired.
"A hundred and forty; twenty in
wheat. sixty in corn, ten in medder an
paster, an the balance scatterin' an
woods"
Got any stock?'
Ten head wv. cattle, two cows, six
hogs and work critters fer the place. "
And you run the whole business? 2"
Indeed, / do; every hide an hair Nv
it, she sighed.
Don't you hire some help?''
In course, but faint hired help that
takes the load often a body" There
was philosophy in that statement and
paused minute.
Haven't you got a husband?" I next
asked, with a good deal of sympathy.
Yes" she responded, very slowly,
'but 1 have to run him, too"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
SOME GOOD SHORT STORIES
.---------
A Louisville Girls Scheme.

! louisville Times.)
. Society is laughing itself sick over an
/ amusing incident which occurred at a
! certain fashionable residence not many
days ago. A well-known young lawyer
was the, victim.
1t seems that during the course of the
evening he took advantage of an oppor-
tunity and imprinted a kiss on the fair
! cheek of his hostess much to her sur
prise and indignation.
! sir. how dare you'll" she exclaimed,
or words to that effect. IF you ever
! presume to do a thing like that again,
| I'll tell my father,''
| But the young lawyer either thought
! that was a bluff, or else liked it SO well
! that he was willing to take the con-
sequences. Anyhow, he repeated the
! offense He was not very much sur
! prised to see her jump up and leave the
room with a fine air of offended dig
| nifty.
That's all bluff" thought he. "She
viii go up stairs and get a handker-
chief and then come down and scold
me-" He was still in this frame OF
mind when he heard the parlor door
thought he. And then he said aloud:
We'll, did you tell him?"
A moment later his blood froze in hor-
ror as a deep voice replied: Yes Mr..
-, my daughter told me-
But there was no need to say more.
At the sound of the unfamiliar voice
the young lawyer had looked around.
When he saw the father with a long,
modern rife in his hands he waited no
! longer.
With one bound he had reached the
window, and he went through it, sash
and all, leaving his hat behind him.
What he did not know was that the
young lady's anger had melted by the
time she reached her fathers room, but
she decided to play joke on him.
Father" said she. "Mr. - is down
stairs, He is a great hunter and is a
perfect crank on the subject of rifles.
l have been trying to explain your new
Winchester repeater to hin1s but 1 can't
make him understand Won't you take
1t down and show it to him?"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Learning the Truth.

(llt-BltS.)
A school inspector was examining a
class in grammar, and trying to explain
the relations of adjectives and nouns
by a. telling example.
Now, for instance" said he, what
am I?"&
That was an easy question. and all
the children shouted: "a mani" and
then looked around triumphantly as
much as TO say: ASK another"
Yes; but what else?" asked the in
srector.
This was not so easy; but, after a
pause, boy ventured to suggest; "A
little man
Yes; but there is something more
than that
This was a poser for the youngsters;
but, after moments puzzled silence,
an infant phenomenon almost leaned
from his seat in his eagerness, and
cried TO the inspector:
Please, sir, l know-an ugly little
man.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Never Had EN-.

The. Army and Navy Journal tells a
story of warrior from a Mississippi
town. The women organized Red
Cross Auxiliary society and among
their contributions to the comfort of
their absent heroes was a case of home
made Daiamas. The box containing
these was sent to camp, but no ac-
acknowledgement OF its receipt was re-
turned. So the good women tele-
graphed, Anxious to know if you got
the pajamas last week" Now, the cap
tain had been sitting up with the boys
the night before, and when the dispatch
was handed him he was trying to re-
duce his swollen head with wet towel,
and his mind was somewhat confused.
So the women of the relief society were
astonished by the receipt of this dis
PATCH Story is a lie out of whole
cloth; probably made up by my en-
emies to ruin me politically. Admit
am not q total abstainer. but never
had the pajams last week or at any
other time"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Puns and Punsters.
(New York Press.)

tNeW YORK ITeSS.J
1 was an ear witness of this CONVEX
sation between two inveterate pun
sters:
What is the brightest pun you ever
heard off"
why, that one gotten off by sher-
idan."
Philip
"Shucks! He was only a drunken
butcher: MOI I'm talking about Rich
ard Brinsley. He entered a roomful of
company and to try his wit, some one
asked him to make pun on the king,
to which he replied that the king was
no subject"
Pretty good You know that oliver
Wendell Holmes said punning is the
last refuge of fools"
Holmes was the most ignorant, con-
ceited old ass that ever lived, and
can prove it by himself. He never knew
what a pun was. He was afflicted with
paronomasia and asSonance."
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
An Imperial Proteus.

lSIeNeldnQ ram Dealer.)
The Kaiser-Vell, und how do l look
in my new uniform?
3rhe Aide-Splendid, your majesty
should say admiral.
The kaiser-How could it be other
wise? Und now / viii let you into a Sc
greet. 1t ees all my own invention.
Look. I pull dees string und my collar
turns up, my epaulettes are whisked
off, und all my badges are reversed.
Vat am l now?
The Aide-You are a field marshal.
ADMIRAL should say general
The Kaiser-Of course. Vonce more.
another null. Vat am / now?
The Aide-You are a-a-a- statesman,
general should say admiral.
The Kaiser-Und now?
The Aide-A poet.
The kaiser-Und now?
The Aide-A-a composer.
The Kaiser-Und now?
The Aide-A-a dramatist.
The kaiser-Und now?
The Aide-A-a artist.
The Kaiser-Goot VERY goot Ees -
not crate invention? Sacred Schiller
Dot reminds mel L must hat a. uniform
dots sugchestive of inventor
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

The report that Perry Belmont had
concluded to abandon the Croker ban
quet for a. Jeffersonian dinner was an
error. Perry is too much of an aristo-
crat for that. 1t is his brother, Q. H.
P. Belmont, who has also developed po-
htical TASTES lately. He takes a very
different view of public questions from
that taken by the Tanlmany club man
0. II. P. is an expansionist, bitterly
opposed to trusts and the money power,
and is furthermore willing to accept
free silver as the choice of the party
majority, although he is a millionaire
and his personal interests lie in the
way of gold standard and scarce
money. The swell opera house dinner
did not Impress o. H. P. as being or
thodox Democracy, so he withdrew
from participating in it and is going to
give an opposition So plate dinner. O.
H. P.'s spread is to be strictly for
Bryan Democrats, who can come with
or without dress suits and no invitation
is necessary. Jeffersonian simplicity is
to prevail and there are to be no frills.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Admiral Kautz's Wit.
(st. Louis Globe-Democrat.l

lSt. Louis GlODe-D6InOcTdl.J
Men serving under Rear Admiral
Kautz soon learn to swear by him. His
wit never fails him, and he is the sub
iect of more good stories than any
other man in the service. Being com
plimented upon one occasion on his fine
horsemanship, he replied that his abil-
ity to ride horse was altogether due
to the fact that his brother was in the
cavalry. Two days later in the pres
ence of the man who had complimented
him, the admiral was thrown sprawling
in the middle of the road. His friend
made haste to withdraw anything he
had said complimenting the admiral
horsemanship and asked
What is the matter with that cav
airy brother of yours?"
He was transferred to the infantry
yesterday said the admiral Il ought
to have had more sense than to get on
a horse at ALL"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27


established, and the Anglo Egyptian
right to the Bahr7el- Ghazal, on the
score Of "old dominion, is by, no means
SO clear as is that to Fashoda. The
control of the khalifa was yet more
nominal, and his overthrow can hardly
be called a reconquest. For a decade
and more, it has been really no mans
land.
The long pending controversy is over
at last. and it has become part of the
British empire, not by conquest, nor
yet by any title derived from the people
or from any other nation having either
the right of ownership or possession,
but by a quit claim deed from another
foreign power. And thus the business
of nations is transacted.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Hard On Dr.. Mary.
Cleveland Plain Dealer

What DR.. Mary Walker has to en-
dure is illustrated by a story told by
Mrs. Margaret Ravenhill at a meeting
of women in New York She related
how she got into a dispute with DR..
Mary once at a public meeting. and
how her opponent asked her for her
name. No said Mrs. Ravenhill, I
won't give you any card to put into
your basket and lead people to think
you know reputable women. You're
no lady to speak so to mel she said.
And you're no gentleman I said; and
guess I had the most truth on my
side"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

Some of our state exchanges have
shown very narrow disposition in
their treatment of the Salt Palace pro-
ject. The Logan Nation, however,
takes broad and generous view of
the matter, as follows: 1.-The movement
to build salt palace in Salt Lake is a
commemorate one, and we hope it will
succeed. It would attract wide atten-
ton and would be the means of widely
advertising one of Utah's resources"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
OREGON SHORT Line RAILROAD.
TIME TABLE IN EFFECT MARCH 10
1892

LIME TABLE IN EFFECT MARCH 49,
1899.
ARRIVE.
rom Ogden, Chicago Omaha
r.; Louis. Kansas City and
FROM Ogden, Cache valley Port.
ddIiu, Butte and San Fran
,SiSSO .................... 1855 a. m.
from rom Ogden; Chicago, st. Louis,
E, Umah "a and Denver ............. s:O5 pm
SIN I'm f GSgden. Cache Valley and
a. i2an FRANCISCO ..... ... 7:20 pm.
FROM Frisco, Milford. Sanpets
E,, and intermediate points. s:S5 m.
7 [on Ilntic, Mercur and inter-
mediate points -. $50 nm.
ioln Iooeie and Terminus. 600 p m.
DEPART.
Fer Ogden, Park City. Omaha.
III eI-iITcSaso, Denver, Kansas City
ana st. Louis. ..... 100 a m
L OF ogden. Cache Valley and in
,. fFS5rns 5Fia points 500 a. m.
nm mediate Lat points -. ............ 1880 am
f'o5 Ogden. Denver. st. Louis,
lineage, San Francisco .. GAO pm.
I I4r Ogden Butte Portland, San
56T Provo, sanpete. Milford
For Tooele and Terminus -. 7:45 am.
days 'H o. 'n@" co lot run ouN-
'Daily except Sunday.
City Ticket Office Under Masonic
Hall, Second South Street.
c. s: W " ESCCLEs D. E. hurley.
Gsh' Afafflc Manager. Gen. P. and T. A.
w. H. BANCROFT.
vice PRESIDENT and Gen1 Manager
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

The Republican organ of Cache does
not intend to try to shield the admin
istration incompetents whose misman-
agen1ent of the war with Spain is final
ly traced home. The Nation says: The
embalmed beef inquiry is developing
a shocking state of affairs. A few men
responsible for the feeding of Amer
lean soldiers ON bad beef should be
taken out and hung, and it would be
found that such offenses would never
occur again
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
Kipling and Twain Do Not Agree.

NodiI TdlIClSCO NdVe.1
At dinner party in London Rud-
yard Kipling was asked if Cecil Rhodes
was married. Yes he replied, ito
tens of thousands of square miles of
British territory. England cannot af-
ford to let man like that marry in
any other way!" Kipling and Mark
Twain obviously do not agree in regard
to Rhodes When Rhodes time comss,"
said Twain, Il hope to get a piece of
the rome
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
You Will
Not Object

if we try to make a little money
out of the shoes we sell. will you?
You are willing to live and let
others live, too, aren't you? Ger
tainly; that's good Americanism-
anyhow, we're satisfied to get
along with as little profit as any
one you ever knew. We are not
trying. to amass a fortune. All
we ask is enough margin TO keep
the wheels of the business well
oiled and to maintain our gen.
eral reputation as citizens and
handlers of reliable footwear.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

Sheriff Alfred of Carbon county has
been Instrumental in sending four des-
peradoes to prison. According to the
Price Advocate he says he will wipe
out the remnants Of the Robbers Roost
gang if he can get pay from the state
for his work, and compensation for
deputies"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

The Bingham Bulletin remarks that
comment on the appointment of Hon.
Fisher Harris as member of the state
board of land commissioners is gener-
ally favorable. The Bulletin adds it's
Congratulations, believing Governor
Wells did wisely in giving the state
advantage Of the gentleman's former
experience and record in the land of
fee"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27

90 eEEAT%SA OuIICuL
<S& sally LAKE 80
sFS@ Time Table.
LEAVE SALT LAKE CITY.
No. 2-For Provo Grand June
tioL; and all points east.......... $50 am.
NO. For Provo Grand juno
tion and all points east ..... 7:40 pm
NO. 6-For Bingham, Lehi, Pro-
Vo, Mt Pleasant, Manti, Bel
KNAPP and Intermediate points 500 am.
NO. S-FOr Eureka, Pays0n, Pro-
Fo and intermediate points -. 500 pm.
no. For Ogden and west. .10:5O pm.
NO For Ogden and vest. 9:45 am.
NO 42-For Park City... S:25 am.
NO 9-For Ogden, intermediate
and west .12:3O pm
ARRIVE SALT LAKE CITY.
No. 1-From Bingham, Provo.
Grand Junction and the east $50 a. IN
No From Provo, Grand juno
ton and the east................1 O:4O pm.
NO o-From Provo, Bingham,
Eureka. Belknap. Manti and
intermediate points ............ 5:35 pm
NO. From Ogden and the west. $50 am.
Nc 4-From Ogden and the west. 7:3O pm.
No. 10-From Ogden and inter-
mediate points ................ $40 pm
No 7--From Eureka, Payson,
Provo and intermediate points 1000 I'm.
NO. A-FrOIn Park City. Sis pm.
Ticket Office. 100 West Second South.
PoStoffice Corner.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1899-03-27
THE PRESIDENT Of
4 COMPETING LINE

said this, week or so ago, to
Burlington official: ''The Burling-
ton is in class by itelf as far as
running on time is concerned.
Neither my road nor any other in
the West can show anything like
as good a record"
Two trains a day from Denver to the
Fast-the Special, leaving at l: 40 pm, the
FLYER at $50 pm. Both trains equipped
RIGHT. Tickets at offices of connecting
lines.
Ticket Office, PA S. w. Temple ST,
Tickets at offices OF connecting lines.
7. a. BENTON, Ticket Agent, r. g.
w. Ry., Dolly Block.
R. f. NEsLEN, Travelling Pass. and
Freight Agent.
w. F. M'MILLAN, Gen. Agt.
S14 S. W. Temple St., Salt Lake City.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-12-21
Favorite Perfumes.

A great many well-known men and
women have been fond Of different
scents, as is historically known, but 1t
Is hard to say how far their characters
fit in with this new idea. For instance,
Nero loved the scent of roses, whether
distilled or from the freshly cut flowers;
Louis XIV. delighted in the perfume
of orange flowers; while Richelieu liked
different scent in each Of the rooms;
the Empress Josephine soaked her
things in musk; and Napoleon is said
to have emptied a whole bottle of eau
de-Cologne over his clothes when he
was dressed Victor Hugo rejoiced in
wild flowers: Alexandra Dumas loved
the Towering myrtle, and Charles
Dickens adored white jasmine.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-12-21

The 6aunterer happened to be dining
with friend the other evening, and Of
course the tables population included
the inevitable 5-year-old boy. The lat
ter had fallen into habit of asking for
all kinds Of impossible things. being
refused and going bowling from the
room, In obedience to the command.
He would re-enter two minutes later
with half-dozen dirty streaks and a
bright I-accept-your-apology smile on
his face.
On this evening aftersthe third ex-
cursion he suddenly conceived an af-
lection for the sugar. bowl. He reached
for 1t, got 1t, and as promptly gave it up
In response to the threatening hand of
his mother. His father glanced up
casually, waiting for the usual outburst
before he sent him out, but instead the
child's face frightened and his eyes
twinkled with anticipation.
What are you so glad about, WillieT
asked his father. HM
81 w-wuz thinkin',v answered Willie,
II wuz thinkin' of all the. sugar I'm
goin' to have when everybody else in
this house Is dead"
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-12-21
eRIroNs AGAIN MEET DISASTER.
Second Attack on the Beers at Modder
River Is a Failure.


Close upon the heels of the news OF
Gen. Gatacre's disaster at Stromberg
comes the startling intelligence that Gen.
Methuen, commanding the Kimberley re-
lief column, after two weeks Of recuper-
alton since the Modder river battle, has
again met the Beers, and this time has
suffered severe repulse. with heavy
loss. There has been no buffer OF IA
vorable war news to break the shock Of
these two disasters coming in crushing
succession.
Following Saturdays bombardment OF
Boer position by the naval contingent the
artillery reopened fire Monday morning
on the Boer trenches around the Mayors
fontein kopje, apparently silencing the
enemy. The British infantry then ad-
vanced, but the Beers remained in their
trenches, and when the British approach
ed they poured in terrific rifle fire, re-
pulsing the British with heavy losses.
The Highland brigade suffered especial
ly.
The only compensation the British
have been able to discover in the dis
heartening story of the fight is in Gen.
Methuen's statement that he maintains
his position close to the Beers, arousing
hope that he will retrieve the situation.
1t is apparent that the bombardment of
Saturday and Sunday did not shake the
Beers grip on their position, and it
seems certain that they merely withdrew
their guns and riflemen under cover,
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-12-21

while Gen. Methuen INDUCED in the usu-
al artillery preliminaries Monday, and
that when the British guns were obliged
to cease firing, owing to the danger Of
hitting the advancing troops, the Beers
speedily reoccupied their trenches and
overwhelmed the highlanders with ter
rible fire. probably accompanying this by
an attack on the British right flank and
rear. Gen. Wauchope was killed in ac-
ton Tuesday.
Five hundred men under Col. Metcalf
made sortie from Ladysmith and the
Beers were surprised. These troops
were Of the Second Rife Brigade in the
command Of Gen. White. After recover
ing from the first onslaught the Beers
rallied and by strategic movements cut
off the retreat Of the British troops. Then
followed fierce fight. The Rifle Bri-
gade had to fight their way through at
the point Of the bayonet. The British
loss was considerable, and some wounded
were left on the field. Additional news
received from the fight places the num-
Der of British killed at eleven and forty
wounded. Six British soldiers are said
to have been taken prisoners. Lieut.. Fer
guson was killed and Capt. Paley and
Lieuts. Davenport and Bond were
wounded.
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-12-21

IDEAL STATESMAN. from the Capitol
with the grievance written on their faces
that they haven't got their moneys
worth. The day has passed when every
representative in Congress was his own
Patrick Henry.
When gentleman on the floor who is
known to be an ornate phraseologist and
q man of "uncertain"-that is to say, GER
tainly fiery-temper rises in his seat and
catches the Speakers eye, the folks in
the gallery lean forward, their counte-
nances take ON interested expressions,
and they seem to be saying to themselves,
"Ah, now we're going to have something
worth while!' When the gentleman whit
the fiery reputation launches into mild,
expostulating, almost pleading statement
as TO how his district has been overlook
ed in the formulation of the river and
harbor bill the people in the gallery settle
back in their seats, with signs of disap-
pointment, that seem to say in so many
words, Are we forever to be buncoed
in this wayT'
A pair of gentlemen, who are known
to be personal as well as political antag-
onists, take the floor at the same instant,
both demanding recognition.
"Ha! here's clash, right now" the
gallery visitors whisper to each other,
with nudges; and when one of the gen
Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-12-21

the pair OF gentlemen whose constitu-
ents are In force In the galleries, the con-
stituents never see any other togas than
those that mantle their own" two Sen-
ators. 1t Is quite within the range of
possibility that there may be more dull
places than the Senate chamber OF the
United States as that chamber 10 under
ordinary circumstances, but this dizziness
never seems to pail on the gallery visit
'ors who take an interest In their Sena-
tors. They watch every movement OF
that great duo with rapt countenances,
and IL they can summon the nerve to send
In their cards to the toga wearers, and to
be shown points of interest around the
Capitol by one or other OF the exalted
men, Joy that is almost pathetic irradi-
-ates them.
1t is a popularity of the ladies in the
galleries that they are quite unable to
give any gentleman on the floor credit Tor
greatness who does not look CREATOR
distinction who does not look distinguish
ed. Now, 1t Is a singular fact, but one
none the less capable Of proof and DEM
onstration, that majority Of the most
eminent men who have graced the two
floors of Congress during the past de-
cade or so have at the same time been
the most insignificant looking. The la
dies in the galleries do not appear to ap'
prehend that such thing can be.
The mems galleries are chiefly interest
ing for the number of men, black and
white, they contain, who appear to have
nothing but time. The aforementioned
regulars" inhabit the mems galleries in
force, particularly in the lower house.
They are about equally divided between
blacks and whites, and prosperity does
not seem to be lowering over any OF
them. The fact is, the regulars are
pretty seedy lot. But this Is free ma
ton, and they have the right to keep
warm in the galleries of Congress II they
so elect. They nod and doze, and the
proceedings on the floor seem to be to the
last degree uninteresting to them.
The press galleries are generally so de-
serted as to induce visitors to wonder
how on earth the newspaper men con-
trive to get the news, not hearing what
is going on. The gallery visitors cannot
know, in this wondering, that what trans
pires on the floors isn't the heavy end OF
Congress-not by the hugest Of possible
jugfuls. In general, the galleries of Con-
gress are about as interesting as the
floors thereof.