Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1899-07-24
JUST FOR FUN.

| TImmlns had to shut up his barber
shop. Didn't it pay? Yes; but he
lost his voice.
No, and when he has money he does
not need to do anything.
My head is perfect vacuum.
Really; Yes; haven't even got a
theory in it about how the govern
ment ought to run the war.
Blimp-Is the water cold this morn
ing. Stump-I'm not certain. 1t felt
cold, but was bathing near a party
of Boston people.
Employer-How is it, James, that
you are SO late this morning? Office
Boy-I-I didn't know you were COM
ing so early, sir.
Mrs. Decohen--I hear you've got a
very industrious husband. Laundress
Yes, mum; he's always finding
something for me to do.
Wayworn Watson-Tell you what
I'll do then. I'll take a cold biscuit
and cal. it square. Mrs. Ferry-All
the biscuits we have are circular.
The Face (who gs)-They say the
last song of the swan is always sweet
est. The Fiend-Of course it's the
sweetest if it's the last.
Lives have been altered and shaped
by single word. That's so; when
Miss Rocks said mo- I knew at once I
should have to go to work for iv-
ing.
Jack, my health is wrecked;
ought to go away. Isabel, if you quit
reading those seashore ADVERTISE
ments your health will be all right.
Gracious, Eleanor, why do you give
a luncheon in such hot weather: I
simply have to Harvey, You forget
that we have new dining table and
new chairs.
What is that lovely album for, Fla
villa? Pm going to have the men Pm
engaged to this summer write their
autographs in it, SO 1 can, remember
their names.
Williamson-You can get anything
you want now in one of those big de-
partment stores. Henders on-Yes.
everything but your change when you
are in a hurry.
First Farmer-Going to put the
south field into wheat this year? Sec
ond Farmer-Haint sartin if I'll put it
int ,han
Flossie, isn't it lovely what fuss
the whole country is making over
Dewey? Isn't it, though; but dear
me, Kitty, I've heard so much talk
about him that I've forgotten what he
did. What was it, Kitty?
Caller-I understand that your hu s.
band distinguished himself at the
banquet last evening. Mrs. Rumby
but it was more than he
could do when he reached home.
[ see by the newspapers, rem arked
Reeder, that the miners in the Klon-
dyke are sending out appeals for
wives. Is that so? calculated Henry
peck, in an eager whisper. They can
have mine.
Jones Qeaving for Europe When !
Pm in Rome I'll do as the Romans do. |
Indeed you wont. You'll do as the
do-pay twice as much for
everything as anyone else would.
Jimmy, what kind of fireworks do
you want? want soma D ewey rock |
cts, an some Dewey roman candles, !
FL some Dewey pinwheels, an Dew
ay pistol, an some Dewey frecrack
arS.
Remember one thing am about to
tell you, said the successful man to
he ambitious young man. It is a rule
that is we'll worth remembering.
What is it, sir? Never do anything
hat your conscience will reproach
you for. Hire somebody else to do
t.
[ am reduced from aff1uence TO beg
gary! he faltered. In as few words as
possible she broke their engagement.
wish to show, she observed haughti
y, that women, contrary to general
report, do not necessarily care for
jhings just because they are reduced.
AUGUST FLOWER.