The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1899-11-03
VARIETIES.

In reply to Il don't want your
paper any longer" an editor wrote
II would not make it so if you did
1t would involve a new press"
And is that donkey great eater,
PATTI" 'Divil-a-bit, sorr! He's niver
atm so much as whin he hasn't Bit
| in his mouthw
| look here" SAID the man at the
cricket match, Il have no objection
to you standing on one foot so long
as that one foot isn't mine"
Professor: "a strong glass will
show you that nearly all the stars are
double" Student: Hardly Profess
sor. 1t always takes at least two
strong glasses to produce that effect
on me-"
| ~ don't know why you should
say that empty old house is haunted. !"
| why, don't you see those ancient
| window curtainsf" Eyes, but"
well. aren't they the shades of the
departedr'
1t is told of a certain learned man
that he spent half his lifetime acquir-
ing fluency in ten different languages,
| and then went and married wife who
never gave him chance to get word
in edgeways.
First American: bicycles and
automobiles. What show has the
horse here in Paris? You seldom even
see him on the boulevards." Second
American (who has just dined): mo
he's in the soup"
Dot go to the next room and see
if the clocks still running, as l have
not heard it strike lately" Dot, COM
ing back, replies "No, clock isn't
running, mamma, it is just standing
quiet, and wagging its TAIL"
"A man was brought up the other
day charged with marrying again
while his first wife, Ann, was alive.
He pleaded not guilty, declaring that
his first wife's existence was not
proved, because Ann is an indefinite
article.
Never mind, Harold; God will
Tommy's brother: He has punished
Tommy already, mamma" Mamma:
How do you know" Tommy's
brother: "'Cause l just now busted
his drum for him."
-Brown-''I was surprised to see
you at church yesterday, Smith.
understood that you don't believe
much in religious matters" Smith
"Well-er,l have been something Of an
lnfidel all my life, but that cold that
l caught last week has settled on my
lungs, and feel a little nervous about
it."
"A gentleman bought newspaper
and rendered in payment a silver
piece. The newspaper woman said:
II haven't the change; you can pay
me as you pass along tomorrow"
But suppose should die before to- |
morrow" "Oh, it wouldn't be a very
great loss"
Handel, the composer, was a good |
deal of glutton. He would order
dinner for three and would then ring
for the waiter and ask him, sis de din.
ner retty?'' Eyes, sir, it will be as
soon as the company comes" 'Den
bring it to me-" he would say; 81 am
Here, Maria, mend this hole in
my vest, will your" said a husband to |
his wife, as he was going to bed the
ing, join" why W not 10 - do one it now, |
Maria?" "Why, you don't expect |
me to mend clothes at this time of |
night, do your" ''Of course | do.
You know, it's never too late to mend"
You mustn't ask me to go to |
church with you to-day" he said to
his wife. "The weather is too intern
ally hot. You know how suffer from |
heat" "Yes, I know that heat is
very oppressive to you," she replied,
land for that very reason I think it |
will be wise for you to attend divine
service as often as possible
you've been to the countryF"
sob, yes; just got back" 81 suppose
you have enjoyed mingling with |
nature and hearing the birds sing with
out restraintS'' You bet" well !
now, of the sounds peculiar to country
life, which did you like best?" The
dinner bell.n