The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-12-18
ST. PETERS MISTAKE.


One Sunday morning of recent date,
And said to Gabriel lounging near,
How fearfully few the arrivals here;
How sadly seldom a ticket is seen;
In thirty days I've punched fifteen.
How screeches the gate as it inward
swings!
If 'tisn't used, the neglected road
To the realm of bliss will have to be
moved;
In fact, unless more travellers stop,
fear We may have to shut UP the shop"
Now Gabriel knew what the matter was;
And, thinking he'd better explain the
cause,
Remarked, Let me have word I beg"
Then changed his weight to the other leg,
And laid one wing on the picket fence,
! And said Fact is, that residence
| On earth Is made SO attractive now,
And cheap and easy, as not to allow
OF any temptation to visit heaven.
| Such novel joys to mortalS are given
| They fly over earth on wings Of fire,
| And under the sea they talk on a wire,
And old Broadway is lighter, they say,
| Than the radiant loft where our harpers
They have no slaves-declare tbs wrong
| don't see how they can get along.
| They have one wife-thatS OVerdone,
| For you and 1 have nary a one;
For the smallest of coin 1 am told,
| The poor folks ride in chariots of gold;
Their monograph bottled the voice last
or parson that last week got up here,
Their commerce measures the planets
girth
And fetches fruit from the ends of the
earth;
| While here no mprovements-method the
same
AS years gone by, when you and I came;
| The same old grass, the same old gates,
The same old Groom of the same old
mates,
The same old speech to the folks sent
down,
The same old halo, the same old crown,
The same old sermon. the same old pray
The same old hymns up the same old
stairs;
All things exactly as they were then,
And will be world without end, Ameni
The worst of it, Peter, is this, you know
That all of the inventors have gone be-
And taken their traps, tools, jiggers and
things,
Their dynamos wheels and sprockets and
Their graphs and meters and scopes and
phones,
For measuring molecules, spectra and
tones,
And that with these and machines in ac-
The lost ones seek their simple reward;
Machines that swift as lightning run;
Machines that paint with the brush of the
Machines that fly with splendid cars;
Machines that measure and weigh the
stars
Machines that laugh and talk and sing;
Machines that are up to everything;
With those to instruct, insist, beguile,
"Ho. hol' said Peter, my friend. I
guess.
If worst comes to worst, that we can
If these inventors such miracles do.
What hinders our having machinery. too?
For you remember I've often said
That competition is the life Of trade.
They've stuffed you and fooled you,
though, about
The sun as an artist I've no doubt;
And he that tells of talk on a wire
l venture to guess that mans a liar.
But we might try with possible gain,
The anesthetics that conquer pain,
A sewing machine and patent loom;
Electric cars with velvet seats:
A sweeping machine for the golden
A gas retort for our light and fire;
And an organ back of the harper's choir.
The first contraption that comes this
way"
A space was gateman Gabriel mute.
Then shifted his weight to the other foot.
And shading his eye with his dexter wing,
Said: up the road is coming thing
On a single leg it is hopping along,
Without a bride or bit or thong
With doubled head and a crooked neck
And someone adrift on the upper deck;.
Perhaps you can tell-Im hanged if I
That moment the stranger. silent as fate,
Dismounted in front Of the golden gate;
He said, Good morning." and wiped his
brow,
And added, I'm sorry now
Your way is so narrow and crooked and
I didn't take spin on the boulevard
| hear that all the way down and back,
They've got a lovely asphaltum track
Good morning said Peter, rs that
mill,
Or curious beast you rode up hlll?"
The visitor answered, 'the FORCES birth,
A bicycle popular on the earth
t'Ahai'' good Peter replied, that's queer
We're introducing improvements here
This horse is something that ought to be
tried:
If you like I'll -ake him and go inside"
''You do me proud" said the tourist grim.
AS he thought This makes me solid
with him."
And Peter seized on the handle straight,
Dragged the thing in and closed the gate
They waited and chatted, the two outside.
And Wished they could see the novice
They heard approving applause. and then,
Encouraging cries Of try 1T again"
The heavenly choir that sung so low
Went skipping lively to an allegro;
They heard naught. else for an hour or so.
Then the gate wide open swung,
And to that hapleSs bicycle clung
A battered angel, who gave it a shove.
But seemed so lame he could hardly
move;
Two teeth were gone, bruised was his
One ear hung by single shred,
His wings were mussed, his legs were
bare
As a piper's there was grass in his hair:
He shed no tears, but heaved sigh,
And cast on the stranger q rucful eye,
Then merely said with lordly mien,
You go to hell with your old machine"
The Messenger.