The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1899-05-16
HOW A NAN KEPT HOUSE
LEARNED THE TRICK DURING A fWE-
YEAR STUNT lN-THE ARMY.
dc Conceale:YThat Fact From His Wifi

de concealeY That Fact From His Wife.
UousyrT-Onre They lost Their Scr
valti :ud til" Cu-airymaa File" the
d:i'l ani Made Clean Ereast Of 1t.
The young man had never told his
wife that lie had done q lye-rear
stunt in theregular army Of the Cnlte,:
States. Without any particular rea-
son fo- l. some men feel a bit shy
mentioning their service in the Eegu-
lars. Perhaps the fact that, up to
about ten years ago, the army was
looked upon as the last resource o:
the r-do-wel|, may have some
thing to do with it. Anyhow this
young war department clerk didn't
happen to mention it to the girl when
he cane to Washington a couple Of
years ago and c3urted and married
hev, relates the Washington Star, that
he hal spent almost tive-year stretch
among the yellow, blasted-looking
mountains OF Arizona, helping his
tro to hunt for the elusive Apache
Kid. He told her that he hal been
ianming Around down in the south
west. anl he told the truth, for il
hunting tha. red rascal CT an Apache
wasn't jamming around the southwest
then nothing is. She considered It
Id that le knew so much about SOL
dierirg. that be went around the
house on Sunday mornings idly
whistling tie trumpet calls, and that
he knew how to spiel Indian talk that
Indians understood. Or course, she
never stopped to wonder over his
habit of going down stairs sideways.
She never thought OF him as a SOL
der, and so size could not know That
all men who have been cavalrymen
invariably 60 down stairs sideways
for the remainder Of their lives. 1t is
habit born Of their service fear OF
tripping themselves on staiis with
their spurs.
They keep house in pretty little
place cut in Mount Pleasant. They
have had considerable difficulty in
keeping servant, as good many
;Iount Pleasant folks do. Their last
servant wearied CT the 'lonesomeuess'
cne evening LIST week, packed up the
things that belonged to her, and
probably few things thai did not be-
loAg to her, in accordance with the
rule in such cases, and departed, an
nouncing that she was not to return.
The young wife wept dismally after
the servants departure, aud her hus-
band, sympathizing with his wifes
rel nose, enleavored to assuage her
grief.
. ''Iet 'er co. said he. 'I'll stay
home from the Office tomorrow, and
rou can bundle of bright and early
aud get anosher one Doa,t rush
yourself to death over it, either. I
can run this shack TO-, one day, I
guess"
But if I an away after the noon
hour what will you do for your lunch,
you POOR old monkey thing?" she
asked him, solicitously aHeetionate.
"Neyer you mind me-" he said.
'I'll get along. You watch me-"
So, on the following morning, di-
rectly after breakfast, the young wife,
with many forebodirgs as to the rack
aud ruin she would find, and not
bit of her work done when she re-
turned, set ont fo1 the down town dis
trict to beg, borrow OF steal a house
servant
It'll be a give away, all ri3ht,'
murmured her husband to himself,
but I'll DO it all the same
So he set to work. First, he washed
the dishes. Soldiers OF the regular
army Of the United States wash dishes
with practised skill and thorough
ness such as few women, with all due
consideration, exhibit. He made a
nice Job OF the dlS:l washing and then
took a pair OF shears and cat L lot OF
scalloped borders out Of old newspa-
papers for the china closet. Then he
put the di,hware away ali neat and
orderly. Then he started in ut the
kitchen. He polished the stove first,
so that the kitchen cat raised her back
at her own image in it. Then he got
at the pans, pots. skillets and so on,
and made them look like new. Then
he swept out the kitchen, after which
he got down on MS marrowbones aAd
gave it the most businsss-li!e scrub
bing il hal ever had a military scrub
bing. Thus the kitchen was all fixed.
Then he went upstairs to their
room and male The bed. ! man who
he's made up his bunk in quarters in
tie United States army for any space
Ut time doesn't need to get any points
from the women folk as to how that
Job should be done. Then he
srrinkled tea leares around and swept
the whole upstairs portion OF the
house. after which he busted it thor
oughly. Theu he descended the stairs
and began the policing of the dining
room, sitting room and parior. He
changed the furniture all about,
changed the location of some Of the
pictures advaatageously, gave the
piano a better position and cleaned
and swabbed the whole outfit until
it looked as if half a dozen ordinary
servants had been policing it.
Lunch hour had rolled around by
this time, and so he went to the kit
chen. neatly fried himself some bacon
aud eggs, and made himself a cup of
coffee on the gas stove, after which
he cleaned up the dishes he had used
and smoked a couple Of pipes full Of
tobacco and reflected. He had ex-
pected his wife back by that time, but
she didn't come. He began to think
of how she'd no doubt be worrying
about the the dinner then, and so he
decided to get the dinner himself. He
put on his coat and went out to the