Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-03-12
TROUBLES OF A WOULD-BE SUICIDE.
Modification and Humiliation Experienced by a Man Who Made
Three Unsuccessful Attempts.

"As to being found dead, with a cor
oner's inquest and all that on its heels,
/ can't say" observed the man with
the merry smile, "but l al give you
a few pointers on what may be called
seiJlres to get there. l have always
contended that when a person had full
ly made up his mind that there was
nothing more in life for him, he had a
right to shuttle off. l have had occa-
sion to put theory into practice, n
that am here to-day in the flesh is no
fault of mine. 1 never pity the man or
woman who commits suicide and
makes a clean job of it. It's the ones
who attempt and fail that want conso-
lation. A man may make a fool Of HIM
self in a hundred different ways, but
nothing 1attens him out in his own
estimation like making a start to cross
the Styx and being brought up with a
round turn.
"My first experience with the dark
shadow continued the man, as he
smiled all over his face, was when l
was a young man of twenty. l was in
love with the handsomest girl in the
world. 1 was earning $S per week, and
she didn't want to marry me on that.
While | wa waiting for a raise to $40
along came a rich old duffer and mar
ried her out of hand. There was moth
ing for me to do but to die. l threw up
my job in the grocery, wrote farewell
letters by the hundreds, and after a Wis
it to my grandmother's grave l was
ready. l was sure my heart was crack
ed wide open. l could not eat OF sleep,
and the idea of death was arelief. l
took the laudanum, babe the world a
theatrical adieu, and lay down to awake
in the other land. My condition was
discovered before it was too late, and a
doctor used a stomach pump and saved
me to live on in the State of OHIO. L
was thankful in a way, and yet felt
humbled and degraded. | wanted to
kick myself all over the county, n L
didn't have the moral courage to look
a dog fair in the eye. The idea OF a
young man with a broken heart being
pumped out like an old bath tub hurt
me to the core, but there was no offset.
My love had been killed. The girl
who had Tilted me a no longer beau
tiful in my sight. I could now see that
she toed in when she walked, had a
turn-up nose, and that her eyes were
on the squirt. l had 10 more feeling
for her than the town pump, and how l
could have made such a fool of myself
I have never been able to figure out. 1t
was a good lesson to me. I'll guaran-
tee it to cure a case of calf love any
day in the year.
81 was a good many years older when
I made the second attempt, and you
can believe that it was from a different
cause. A partner of mine robbed me
and left me dead broke and on a bed of
sickness in New Orleans. If I'd been
able to pursue the scoundrel / don't
suppose I'd have thought of suicide,
but being fiat down and the landlord
having no charity or pity, | figured it
out that the best thing l could do was
to shuttle off. l was as cool about it as
if buying potatoes. I even saw the
humorous side of it. l owed the land
lord $14, and he'd not only lose that,
but have his house upset and the city
would have to bury me. | laughed in
the old fellows face as l figured it out.
There was a broken tumbler within
reach, and when / had finally made up
my mind to it l used the glass to open
the veins in my wrist. l started to
make a sure thing of it, and when l
finally lost consciousness l expected to
open my eyes on a far different scene.
/ was knocked out again, however.
Some one came in before | had lost too
much blood to be saved, and l was
carted off to the hospital and became
a. patient for weeks and weeks. | felt
that 1 had made a fool of myself again,
and 1 did nothing but cry for a week or
two. l got many kind words from doc
tors and nurses, but they didn't Offset
the sneaky feeling every man has Shen
he tries to do something smart and
comes down with a dull thud. If l
had gone out of the hospital penniless
l might have tried the suicide business
again, but fortunately for me an old
friend came to my rescue and put me
on my feet again.