davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
GOOD ADVICE.
MOther-in-Layv Gives Young Wife
Few Points ON Domestfcity
That Were Appreciated.

And If | were you, / would never ash
him where he has been if he should
come home very. very late. 1 had an
experience in that line with his father
many years ago. and / learned then
that if 1 was to have any respect for
him / must never ask him any ques-
tions. and especially when he was late"
This was the admonition of the moth
er-in-law TO the new wife of her son.
The new wife concluded to make use
of it early in the house and told it to
her husband. The latter caught his IA
ther at the club and told il as his moth
er had told ii:
civilian came in quite late or early
as You prefer. I had not slept a wink.
l had worn out my slippers walking,
wandering. waiting and thinking only
as woman can and viii. OF course. it
was i comforting relief when he did
come, and l had made up my mind that
l would not upbraid him. Never do
that unless YOU are very sure. If you
can corner a man. all right: but if he
thinks you only suspect he expands in
importance. So when William came up
that morning. for It was after two
- NAOCN- ONS1 4 I4IFi MIN hli1A&l anu lOCA
off his hat and wrap. But somehow,
while l was giving him the little at
tentions which a man likes and which
1 trust you will always give to my boy
l could not restrain a little curiosity
and without intending to clapperclaw
C~ seem hypercritical. l just asked. in
a wife's solicitous way: William
where have YOU been? You know, if
he had rallied at me or snapped me up
as / have heard of men doing at such
times. 1 think | should have taken my
portion and said nothing. But he said.
in his quiet way. which l have always
noticed in him:
Mary, you wouldn't believe me if
I told YOU
"Of course. dear, you will know and
understand later in your life how an
appeal of that sort viii put magnifying
lenses upon woman's curiosity. When
he said that I put my arms around his
neck and replied as honestly as any
woman ever did in her life: Yes. will.
William. If you will only tell me where
YOU have been l will believe every word
you say
He sat down and lighted a cigar as
deliberately as a man can, and at that
hour. too and then he shook his head
ard said: No. Mary. I know you
would not believe it. If thought you
would, 1 would as lief as not, but you
are so suspicious, so full of curiosity
Il fell upon my knees. but it was
the only time l ever did, and l said to
him-O. how earnestly: William,
will believe you; only trust me to do so;
tell me where you have been and
promise you l will believe every word
you utter
Then he placeo one hand on my head
and he looked into my face and said:
Mary, l have been lecturing to the
Young Mems Christian association
From that morning until the pres
ent day, dear. l have gone on with a
mental grubbing hoe. and whenever an
Interrogation point has showed itself,
have hit it. 1t is the upas plant in the
garden of domesticity. y."-Kennebec
Journal.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
Too Cultured.

Learning. like religion, has in all
ages its martyrs. its Galileos. its Gior-
dauo Brunos. Visiting in Nebraska q
few years ago. | was told the following
story: \ brakeman from Boston was
employed on the line of railroad run
ming from Nebraska City to Beatrice.
When ii became his duty TO call out
the name of this last station, he pro-
nounced it in the most approved Tus-
can "Bay-ah-tree-chay," The passen-
gers. simple souls. were at loss whst
to do. They rose from their seats and
hesitated. Some sat down again. ard
so were carried past their destination.
This sort Of thing continued, the brake
man was complained of. and he lost Ii.
Mace Critic
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
SAFE PASSAGE.
1t Was Wanted by the Little Man,
and He Got 1t in a
Funny Way.

A very self-important little man. OF
the kind who gaze at the public build
ings with the keen glance of one who
regard public officials with the piercing
glance which counsels them to earn
their money or account for themselves.
approached a tall policeman the other
day at Fourth and Vine, with indigna-
ton glistening in his eye.
Il demand to know" he said. in a
firm voice, why l am forced TO remain
on this side of the street when my
business calls me to the other?"
The policeman looked trifle startled
for second or so. but recovering him
self. he replied:
We'll, who's keepin' you from goin %
The traffic, sir; the traffic of We
hicles; Yet pedestrians are supposed to
have the right of way"
Well gruffiy responded the officer,
''what are you going to do about ;t?'
Il am going TO insist on my rights,
sir" said the responsible citizen.
That's easy" said the officer.
'And see that l get them"
THAT Will be harder"
"You are public servant in the pub
lie pay. and al the call of the public.
i, therefore, demand a safe passage for
my person across the thoroughfare.
II is your duty 10 see that my demands
are complied with"
The big policeman looked at him for
q moment in quandary, then. seeming
TO solve the problem, he said, with
wink in his eye:
a safe passage you want, is it? Wen,
You shall have it
And before the responsible little Cit
izen could divine his intention he
picked him up. took him under his
arm and was dodging between the
horses heads across the street. The
little man had not recovered his breath
before the bluecoat dropped him on the
opposite pavement, and started back
again.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
A Kleptomaniac.

A kleptomaniac of so years stand
ing has been arrested at Oamaru, New
Zealand, and the law has proceeded, as
usual, to minister to his diseased intel
lect by putting him in Jail. The fol-
lowing collection was found on his
premises: Forty hedge knives, 2 gar
den hose, wire strainer. IL gorse cut
tiers, II crowbars, 1 pair leggins,
scythe stones, L door mat, 6 balls twine.
1 horse rug. choppers, II adzes, II
brushes. 3 tape measures. 3 rules, IL
shirts, l tent. ? surveyors chains. 81
picks. tomahawks. 80 spades, 20 shov-
els. 35 garden forks, 81 hoes. IL rakes,
20 hammers, IS saws. 1 spoke shave,
Is axes. squares, plane. trowels. l
dish. door handles, 2 chisels, 400 books.
He never sold anything, but lived alone
in a cottage with his accumulated prop
erty.-Sydney Bulletin.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
FARMING In ENGLAND.
No Profit in Agriculture i'm British
Isles -O Other Gold Standard
Countries i'm Like State.

The nearly ruined British agriculturist
viii not find much TO dispel his melancholy in
the speechifying at the Farmers club. The
dominant note was doleful throughout:
prices have fallen so low that even turn
of luck in one branch or another makes
very little difference on the whole. Thus,
In the north OF England, where the harvest
was tolerably good and the hay crop up
to the average. 'the price of meat was so
low that it would not more than pay the
growth of corn in the SOUTH 1t is the
same dismal story all round: as the chair
man added that barley, wheat, oats and po-
tatoes are all selling at so low price as to
be unremuneratiye- Clearly, therefore,
the only chance OF saving the industry
from complete ruin is 10 adopt some means
for so cheapening production as to leave
q margin Of profit even at present prices.
How that can best be done rests with the
government to say. II has committed it
self to making the rescue of agriculture its
first effort in parliament, ana judging from
what ministers have let drop from time 10
time, II may be taken for granted that the
fiscal burdens on land and railway freights
Will be substantially diminished. Even
then, however. it appears 10 be very doubt
ful whether this salvage operation viii, by
itself, accomplish its purpose. The farm
er must endeavor to cooperate on the lines
suggested by Lord WInchilsea and Lord
Claude Hamilton at the late conference.
II the middleman could only be swept away,
thus allowing consumer and producer to
come into direct toach. the agricultural
problem would be happily solvec--Loadon
Graphic.
So it is with agriculture everywhere
except in the silver standard countries.
The demon etiZation of silver dou bled
the value of the unit, by which all
commodities are measured. At the
same time it threw the agriculturist in
gold standard countries open 10 the
competition of those producing on the
cheaper basis of silver. As retail prices
did not fall so rapidly as wholesale, and
as debts. taxes and some other things
have not been reduced at all. the re-
suit has been almost ruin to both the
English and the eAmericanfarmer. The
effect has not been quite so disastrous
TO the manufacturer. because more in
direct and tardy and. in a measure, he
has been able to protect himself by
combina tions and trusts. But he is
now beginning TO feel ii both directly
and indirectly. The building of mills
and factories in Mexico. India and
China is cold fact that he cannot ig-
more. That the factories in those coun-
tries produce on silver basis is an
other fact that cannot be denied. That
this gives those coun ntries an adyan-
tage in exchange should be apparent
to every business man who is not COM
pletely blinded by his prejudices.
These facts being conceded. that the
restoration of silver is the only true
remedy is a necessary conclusion.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
A JUNKET INTERRUPTED
Alger's Proposed Inroad ON Govern
ment Funds Has Been Checked
by Public Disapproyal.

Secretary Alger has given up the West
indian junket that he had planned for
March He had invited all the members
of the committee on military affairs of
the senate and house of representa-
tiyes, with their families, to accompany
him on a trip TO Porto Rico and Cuba,
to inspect our new possessions. One of
the best of the boats purchased by the
government for auxiliary service had
been selected for this purpose and was
undergoing extensive repairs to make it
comfortable for the guests of the sec
retary.
The magnitude of this iunket was so
great that it attracted unusual atten-
ton. The idea that Alger could learn
anything for the good of the govern
ment was so absurd, after his inspec-
ton of camps, where he found every
thing "aIl right now," that the purpose
of the trip was plainly for pleasure or
for personal ends. The expense was to
be borne by the government.
How it happened, that the thick skin
of the secretary was pierced sufficiently
to cause him to give the junket up and
recall the invitations is one of the mys-
teries- The excuse given for the recall
is that he is so busy reorganizing the
army that he cannot find time to go.
Alas! This is too bad. When Alger is
busy with the army we pity the sol
diers.-Utica Observer
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

But when Peter was of guard Loru
S~RDington made bold to step forward
and make love to Miss Mary Jekyll
The mere rumor of it was enough te
cause Peter TO appear and remonstratx
with all his business ability, but OF
what avail are business rules and
formulas at such crisis?
Had Miss Mary yentured TO ask. a.
did the Puritan maiden-"Why don't
you speak for yourself, John ?''-i1
would have availed nothing. Fearing
the future, but hoping against the most
diseouraging symptoms, Peter Faneuil
with heavy heart, left the Green
Dragon tavern and made his way to his
beautiful home.
As Peter and Mary Ann Faneuil
walked up to Kings Chapel on an early
Sabbath the jolly bachelor saw posted
the intention of marriage between
Lord Linnington and Miss Mary
Jekyn. There was no rest or worship
in the Faneuil pew that Sabbath.
Mary Ann was visibly disturbed. and
Peter spent his time in planning for
the future.
He at once made plans for the young
ladies to go out of town for change.
and. during an interview with Miss
Mary. extracted promise from her
not to allow The publication TO be re-
peated on the following Sabbath.
Mr.. Faneuil thought himself forum
ate in securing a home for the ladies
with a family of his friends al Haver-
hill. and il was a relief % him when he
saw them seated in the Faneuil coach
and started on their journey. He was.
however. uneasy when he reflected
upon what he had done. To exact a
promise without making one-in other
words. 10 rob young lady of a fond
hope and not put one in its place, was
beneath man of his position. \ re
solve to make her contingent prom
ise brought temporary relief to him.
but the contingency was his bugbear
and he went no farther. 'Budge not
CARED the day
Believing that an ounce OF preven-
tion is better than a pound of cure.
Peter Faneuil decided TO have the Ia
dies return to England.
They were not averSe to the plan,
and he made all needful arrangements
for them to cross the ocean in comfort
befitting their station. When the ship
was ready to sail they were called to
Boston. but only one responded TO the
call. and the distressed merchant de
layed the vessel until he could have
time TO pen letter of explanation TO
Mr.. Robert Blacket JekylI. II which he
says:
Il am sorry Miss Mary does not con-
suit her own interest so much as l
could wish. She suffered herself to
be published 10 one Lord LinniDgton.
of ST. ChristoDhers. whose character
l need not tell you Of. He Is worth
less pretender 10 great deal OF
wealth and wit. without any Of either.
10 whom she would have been married
had not some friends joined forces
with ne and prevented.
That affair being tolerably well
ever. and Capt. Thomas staterOoru
hired for the TWO ladies, and a servant
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
Hereditary Odor.

The notion of a distinct odor being
associated with family is not exactly
new. 1t is notion that must have
got, or been put, in the head of Louis
XIII, who often said, boastfully: "Je
items de mon pere, moi. je sens le
gousset." This is a claim 10 a hered-
itary odor; a heritage not at all de-
sirable. though the king was proud
of it, for Mime. de Verneuil told Henry
w., in reference to this property: Que
bien lui prenait d'etre roi, que sans celia
on ne lie ponrrait souffrir. ct qu'n puait
CONNIE charogne." (See Memories de
Tallemant. Henri V.o-Notss and
Queries
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

1t is not believed that the president
will announce any radical change in
the currency policy. The manufactur-
ing and agricultural Industries are
unanimously in favor of the silver
standard 1t is believed that at the
present price =: wheat here wheat
flour can be shipped TO the United
States at profit, as the grain is
grown and flour made On the silver
basis. Wheat in some parts of the
country is selling at prices equal to
so to 60 cents gold per American
standard bushel. Various lines of man
ufactures can be exported to the Unit
ed States. among them some grades of
hats and leather work.-Press Dispatch
from City of Mexico.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
The shxIeck st.naard.

When a man who is doing nothing to
advance production (which is the
source of wealthy becomes richer by
the simple process of having his dollars
grow bigger in his hands it ought to
be plain that he is doing SO at other
peoples expense. It ought to be equal
ly clear that those other people are the
ones who are doing all of the work
Creditor England stands in the posi-
ton of q shylock, compromising inter
est upon the American people and
bleeding them to death. The instru-
ment by means of which she is doing it
is the gold standard, standard which
is ell the time rising in value That is
90 say, that as the purchasing power
of money increases, prices necessarily
fall. and we have to surrender more and
more of what we produce in order to
get the money with which to pay her
S~anands Against AZ.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
A Hint.

The Washington Post is bound to be
on the right side of the business situ-
ation. The manner in which it alter
mates prosperity" cartoons with long
lists of business failures bespeaks
determination to give both sides
chance. We wish, however, to offer
suggestion 10 the cartoonist- The idea
of a railroad train labeled 'prosperi-
ty" rushing along at high speed and
killing Mr.. Bryan as he stands upon.
the track is not a happy or pleasant
one Can we not be given taste of
prosperity that involves neither rail-
road tragedies in our own country nor
the death by starvation of millions in
others?
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
aETH AND POINT.

Swallowing sage Tea is one way TO
drink in WISDOM Chicago Daily News.
He tells me that he is welded to his
business" ''Yes-his wife runs a mil
linery store.'-Puck.
Itinerant Malady. - Patient The
grippe seems to travel very fast"
Doctor-'Yes, we checked it in Chicago
yesterday. and it reached New York to-
day. Life.
Don't you think, Mrs. Spitely, that
thi: hat is little too gay for matron-
iy woman like me?" Not at all, my
dear. You know that you're years
younger than you look. .'-Tit-Bits.
Governed by Circumstances. = Mrs
Binkley = ''Parson, do you consider
darn a swear word ?" Parson Goodhue
We'll, it all depends on what you
really mean when you say it, Chicago
Daily News.
Mulligan-''Did Mike make a speech
at the conyention?" Morrissey-"He e
did that, and they axed him wud he
take the platform?'' ''And did he take
it?" "Divil bit. He towld thin he'd
rather take the nomination. Boston
transcript
One of Those Queries. - Father"
said the boy with big, serious eyes, 81
want 10 ask you something" What
is ii, my son?' asked the old gentle
man, closing his book and looking wise
''If monkey wore shoes on his hind
feet would they be mittens ?''-Wash-
ington Star.
There was a disagreement. and the
mother undertook TO straighten things
out. Why can't you play nieely?" she
asked Cause he wants 10 boss
things" answered the younger. He
wants me TO play I'm president of the
United States" well, why don't you 90
" Cause it's my turn TO be Dewey
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

Now the faymers are planning to
organize a new party. What base in
gratitude after the pe-::y q power has
given them two years of bountiful har-
vests and caused crop failnre last year
throughout Europe and in the fields
OF our competitors in South America
and India expressly for their benefit
Some people lack appreeaation.-Na-
tional Rural.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
Character Reading.

Mr.. Gotrox-Whatis is all this nonsense
You have been reading?
His Lovely Daughter-It is book on
palmistry. papa. Telling ones char
acter by the lines and figures in the
hand.
Huh, As if there was any other
way of telling character than by the
lines and figures in his bank account!H
indianapolis Journal
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

The high court of England costs the
country about 6 100000 a year. the ex-
penditures being 6 6Oo. 600 and the re,
ceipts 6 400, 900. The salaries of the
Judges come to s14s, ,462. and those of
other officials to 6 e24s. sos. The pen
sions of retired judges amount to e2o.-
SIS, and those Of ex-of6cials to SIS sea
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
war was a Blessing.

seThis here last war;" remarked the old
lady, s.has been a blessin' to my family;
John drawin' of big pension fer one ear
an three fingers; the ole mans writin' a
war history; Moll's engaged to a sergeant,
an Jennie's gwine to marry feller that
come within an ace of bein' gin'rul!'-At-
lanta Constitution.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
MRS. N. a COOPER


Mrs. M. C. Cooper, of the Royal Aead-
emy of Arts, London, England, is un-
doubtedly one of the greatest living
sculptors. She has modelled busts OF
half the nobility of England, and is now
in Washington making bnsts OF dis
tinguished Americans. Mrs Cooper has
just completed q bust of Mrs. BelVa
Lockwood, which lis now in the Cor
coran Art Gallery. Rusk;n, the great
artist, placed Mrs. Cooper as one of the
greatest sculptors and painters OF this
century. Mrs Cooper is an ardent
friend of Pe-ru-na and in a letter dated
January IS written from Washington,
says the following: Il take pleasure In
recommending Pe-ru-na for catarrh ana
la grippe. / have suffered for months
and after the use of one bottle of Peru
ma I am entirely well. M. c.
Cooper.
Send for free book on catarrh en-
titled Health and Beauty" This book
is written especially for women, and
win be found to be of great value to
every woman. Address Dr. Hartman
Columbus. o.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

Mrs Dollarworth-APlace aux DANES" /
wonder what that meanss
Mr. Dollarworth - That oh, that's
French for intelligence office. - Boston
Transcript
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
Proof of It.

Penelope-Has your hance q SAN
guine temperament?
Perdita-Yes-he even thinks i ann
woi az to marry him.-N. Y. World.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

Trade" remarked the auctioneer, as he
tackled up his red emblem to indicate sale
of furniture, always follows the flag
Town Topics.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

Somehow we always expect the fellow
who gets mad first to come out of the ar
gument second best.-L. A w. Bulletin.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

Something very soothing in the use Of St.
Jacobs Oil for Neuralgia. Subdues and cures
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

To Cure a Cold I'm One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money if it fails TO cure. 25c.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16
He Knew.

Go to work on Lumbago as if you intended
to cure it. Use st. Jacobs OIL.
Iron County register., 1899-03-16

llzzd 7l:.l,rrY

Hoods Pills liver ills the nonIrrsssfing and
the only caIhArtic % take with Hoods sarsAPArlla
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1899-08-10

A worthy American citizen, having
made fortune. Jared forth to see the
world. European business ways and
habits thoroughly disguised TINS ner-
vously keen expert in money-makIng.
and he poured forth his scorn to some
friends he met in Paris. One Of them.
knowing the ignorance of the old gen.
tleman on subjects without the circle In
which he had lived, ventured on Joke.
81 agree with you" he said; IT
agree with you thoroughly. Why do
you know. sir, was last week In a city
Of one hundred and twenty-five thou
sand lnhnbltants-and was overcome,
sIp-overcome to find they hadn't lIv-
ery-stable in the city"
"No-you don't tell mel" answered
the victim. Gentleman. see there! Just
consider thatw Then. jumping to his
feet, as the thought struck him: why,
gentlemen, n fortunes awaiting some
one there! Where's the place? What's
the name of IT."
Venice" said the Joker,
Good! I'm tired OF this place. any
way. I'll go right down there to-mor-
row, and put little horse-sense into
the town. Gentlemen, you're in this
good thing with me. II you choose"
They were all in 1t, and they invested
their friend with powers plenipoten-
tinry. The story has no dramatic point,
save that It is historic fact that We
nice was visited. No one ever heard an
account OF that visit, but for long after
ward no participant In the Joke could
get within hailing- distance of the self
appointed pioneer of American enter
prise.-Harper's Round Table.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1899-08-10

marvellous as that of the last ten; but
this presuppOses the prosecution, with
undiminished energy, of the work Of
improving the lake channels. The re-
suits of the work of the government
here has been in marked contrast to
those which have attended the work of
the state Of New York on the Erie ca
nal. For. It has not only been well
done, but private enterprise has more
than kept pace with 1t in improving all
the conditions and appliances of navi-
CATION. The government engineers
cannot deepen the lake channels as fast
as the shlpowners can provide vessels
to tax their full capacity. II one-tenth
of the value OF the results achieved on
the lakes had been attained on other
navigable waters Of this country that
have been improved at the public ex-
pense there would have been no occa-
sion to criticize the appropriations of
successive river and harbor bills.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1899-08-10

Sometimes 1t is pleasure to answer
questions, even II the questioner may
put them in an unpleasant way:
What do you do for lIvIng7" ask
ed lawyer frownIng horribly Mt a
hatchet- faced young man who was UNI
dergolng cross-exnmlnation.
81. SIR" answered the witness, hastily
diving into his side pocket, "am the
agent for Doctor Korker's Celebrated
Corn and Bunlon Destroyer. Greatest
remedy Of the age; used by all the
crowned heads of Europe; never known
to fail to remove the most obstinate
corn in less than twenty-four hours or
money cheerfully refund
Here the court MISUNDERSTANDING
oils Journal.