The Arizona sentinel., 1899-08-12

cracked ice to keep her from laying
 hard-bOiled eggs. AS he glides to-
 wards the "shimmering horizon"
 he IS overcome with a "withering, deadly thirst"-for booze. The
 sapphire sky" gleams above while
 his face is upturned for the recep-
 ton of Q jolt of red-eye, for that is about the only time his"infamed" eyes ever look heavenward. After his thirst" has been gratified some drummer makes him a present of a cabbage leaf stinker 6 for ) that some benevolent merchant in a spirit of friendlIness, and not through any malice, had foisted up- on the aforesaid drummer. Now
 he has passed through Yuma-and,
 whew, wasn't it holland under the influence of John Barleycorn and
 inspiration of the stinker he writes three column article for his paper and gives himself credit for so much per column, and some gull lible suckers who happen to be on the papers delinquent subscripti on list, who live in dugouts in Kansas or hibern ate in New England SHOWS read and believe (the fool killer doesn't do his work welD and Yuma like the little boy that didn't do it, 1 is heralded to the feur winds as the hottest spot on earth.
 Well, let us mearder on down the column. Whats that? "The sunshine and precipitation of old
 Yuma have been fruitful topics for
 newspaper humorists throughout the country" Jesso. Poor old Yumal But an open confession is good Tor the soul. So the article IS really meant fer "yewmer" and
 not told for the truth? It is very yewmerous to those who live in Yuma and even a "tenderfeet" could descry the humorous situa- tion in the following sentence: "The Indians plant their mesquite beans and melon seeds for their annual crops, the same as the Egyptians make their annual planting along the banks of the Nile when the floods are past" It will be observ- ed that the eminent pencil pusher is referring to the Colorado river, but who the deuce ever heard of Indians planting mesquite beans! Hal Ha! Ha! that is really funny
 The entire article should be read in full to be appreciated but we haven't space to reproduce it and can only comment on the same in part. We'll discover some more yewmer pretty soon, but for the present just read the following dramatic paragraph:
 "For over 100 miles about Yuma not tree grows naturally. There is not thing in nature anywhere in the re- gion to add degree of coolness to the atmosphere. There are no balmy breezes to blow from anywhere No sea or lake air to come once in awhile as relief after hours or day of ] steady downpOuring of solar heat; not a mountain or brook, canyon or a dell, a grove or @ beach to which one may resort throughout a whole cen tury for SO much as a moment of coolness. One may gaze in any direc- tion from the highest place in Yuma and the only color in nature to be seen is dull, reddish brown under blaz- ing sky"
 Dod-gast! He's got'em again. Wonder what kind of bug-juice produces that dull, reddish brownW It is dollars to doughruts that he had a dark, safron-hued brownish taste in his mouth. Let us say in contrast to the above paragraph that here now in the month of August the thermometer is l02 or l04 in the middle of the day and way down in the 70's at night. A benign southern sun smiles upon the glad earth with it's soul-expand- ing smile; soft and balmy breezes from the Gulf of California, laden with the perfume of orange blos- soms, gently kisses the cheeks of saint and sinner; broad fields of 1 verdurs wave in rympth to the ben ding orchards; and the settler is happy, cool and contented under his own vine or fig tree. If you want to taste of the nectar on which thrived the gods, arise ill the early and take stroll. Throw back your head and shoulders and drink long and deep of the draught. Why people who reside here for any length of time and breathe the de- ightful air of this vale of Cashmere ook like Titans or Homer's heroic women. It would even be possible 0 transform 8 Kansas City reporter rom a stolid and stunned ass to a hing alive to rapture and delight. Iere are groves of Daphne and 'arnassian heights and Pierian brings. It seems pity that such glorious land should be and so ( 1any of earth's children be com t elled to eke out an existence in T Kansas City. But where ignor- d Nce is bliEs 'tis folly to be wise, r tc. il