The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1899-04-20
Written for The Pr',sOn Mirror.
THE IRISH CABLE co.

Good avening, Mr.. Dunahue. Faith,
an DIM glad to see We, so OF am"
1.-The same to ye, Mr.. O'Rurick, an
be the same token OF dropped into yer
affice to see if what oi heard about We
is thrue. Oi hear We are startin' a COM
bine aginst the Sociated Priss, is it
thrue, Mr.. O'Rurick ~
"WelI, Mr.. Dunahue, OF tell We how it
came obOut. Ye see since our war wild
Spain the dons have no more use for
their ships or cable SO OF an me
friend Cooley got on to buyIn' up the
spanish cable, an by adding to it an
attachment, called the Thesla Wirelis
Teligraft, we have been able to get
news from all parts of the wurld fully
a wake sooner than the Sociated Priss.
We have concluded to call our combine
The Oirish Gable of Amerike. Now oi
have dispatches here in me disk that
will make the Sociated Priss stare when
OF publish thin. Oi'll show ye few,
but moind, divil a wurd about thin,
until OF give ye lave. Here is the latest
frum China, the auld She of the Sun is
sparkin' Ii Hung Chang, and there will
be wake on the corpse of the Son of
the Sun very soon. There are rumors
of strange gOin' on, so me agent saiz, in
the interior of China. The report is,
that Ii Hung Chang, who is sly auld
divil, has been lookin' up the ancient
doings of the Chinase, an he has found
in some auld manuscript, that the
Chinase had. airships as far back as
74O3 B. c. Me agent further tells us,
that he has seen strange an immence
dragons, an other CRATE things in the
clouds during night tonne lately. 1t
may be all OWN to the brand of Chi
nase gin he's drinkin'; or it may be
facts, and if fact, then be h1vens the
powers that's trying to kidDap China
will be pushin' the wind towards their
own country fast enough, when the
Chinase divils begin dropin' dinimite
on them from the skys."
"Howly turf, Mr.. O'Rurick, is it the
thruth yer spakin'?"
"Falth, an it's as thrue as ye are sit
tin fOreninst, Mr. Dunahue; onless the
blasted cable has got Invested agin since
the Spanyurds sould it to Cody and
oi. But don't be interuptin' me, man,
till OF tell ye more of the startlin' news,
that will make the fame of the Oirish
Cable Co. over the houl wurld. Me
agant cables me from France, that it
has been agreed in secreat counsal, that
at the close of the Paris Centennial in
1900, France will start the gratest war
that the wurld ever hurd of. They are
buildin' sobmarane boats as fast as
the wurkman can put thin up, and
Whln the wurd comes, livery war-ship in
the English channel will be sunk, Dir
land will be invaded an set free, an
the allied army's will land in England
an Scotland an overthrow the king
dom an set up free Republic like
France; BARN axidents of course. Our
Russian agent saiz things are very
quiet in Russia, but that somethin'
startlin' is goin' to happen over the
thrick to disarm the wurld. The Nj
hllists an Fenians are goin' to combine
agin the A. p. A., so he hears. Our
Oitalian agent cables that Rome is
excited over the question of the mkt
Pope. Some saiz Oirland of Minnesota
will be the man; the Wurld of Dublin
an the Republican Priss of Amerike is
fer him, an there is strong hopes in
him either being Pope in Rome er
Amerike. But whist, what's that me
Thesla Graphon-a-c is notin'? Wait
till OF see, Mr.. Dunahue. Be hevins,
it's the final report of the Beef Com
mittee, an it's just what OF expected,
divil bit of bad beef have they found
that the sojers ate at all at all. 'Tis
limited that General Miles should be
examined by sanitary expert, as the
bourd fOind that he is afflicted with the
Halucianary Microbobis- whatever the
divil that is, OF don't no. They further