davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
-capyrighted.

should get out dodgers reading: Here
You are-prices cut in two-goods can't
lie beat-come with the rush, the po-
lice would have to keep off the mob. A
grocer can advertise: Shell out-Long
Island eggs fresh every day-hens up
to biz but I must sit with folded
nands and wait for customers"
I didn't know what to say to comfort
him, and therefore kept silent, and it
was long minute before he said:
II never pick up newspaper with
out seeing puff for Brown or Jones
or Green. They have just received a
fresh stock and are going in with a
bang to whoop up trade and whoop
down prices. They are spoken of as
enterprising, wide-awake, hustling fell
lows who are credit to the town, and
everybody is advised to get in early
and have first pick of the bragains. Did
you eyer see puff for an undertaken,
sir? Of course not. He can't be pulled.
No newspaper can call him hustler
and pat him on the back for his cute
ness. 1t is forbidden him to hustle. He
never attends bankrupt sales, and
never has bargains. Now and then
there is a brief paragraph that some
undertaken has bought new hearse,
but the fact is never enlarged upon. 1t
can't be. No newspaper can indulge in
the hope that the new purchase will
frequently be seen in the street, or OBJ
serve that all who are fortunate
enough to get a ride in it will find it
up to date in all its appointments. It's
sad, sir--very sad"
l was mentally sympathizing with
him when he turned to inquire:
'.And office, sir-do they ever elect an
undertaken to office? Do you ever hear
of an undertaken making an after-din.
ner speech? Is he ever appointed mar.
shall of the Fourth of July parade, or
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

pointed out to strangers as hero or
philosopher? lie never delivers an adj
dress of welcome-never shoves in his
oar at banquet-never is asked to
sign his name to petition to the COM
mon council. He's not in the business,
sir-he's in some other business. Got
10 go? Pm glad you dropped in. In
your going should like to observe that
when you need anything extra nice in
my line call around and I'll give you
bedrock figures, but you see, sir-you
realize how it would strike you. 1
can't even ask you to drop good word
for me among your friends, nor hope
you will call often. am sorrowful, sir.
1t is my business to be sorrowfnl, and
the nearest approach to levity I dare
attempt is to observe that the winter
boom seems to have set in and things
are coming my way.'
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
True Value of Farm Crops.

The products of the farm can be
changed in value according to the kind
of crop. Every article has a commercial
value where it is grown, as it will be
worth something, be it much or little,
but there is also feeding value which
represents the use to which it may be
applied with the view of deriving a
profit from it. An article may be worth
more for feeding on the farm upon
which it is grown than to purchaser,
as the purchase necessitates the cost of
transportation. A farmer can there
fore feed his home grown articles with
less expense than hi can feed articles
purchased and brought on the farm.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
MINNESOTA NEWS.
A LYNCHING BEE.


There was a hot time In the Polander
settlement at Duluth. Two Poles. Albert
krause and Miles Kursch, fell in with q
man named Arnold Manthey. and they
spent the day drinking and finally went
TO bed together. When the two woke up in
the morning Manthey was gone, and also
their money, amounting to $50. They
told their friends about it, and after
church it. was decided to take the law
in their own hands.
After search Manthey was found,
but he denied all knowledge Of the theft.
They imprisoned him in barn and after
several attempts to force confession de-
c1ded to lynch him. They tied a rope
around his neck and dragged him around
the street, and finally hung him to tree
He was cut down by some people who
were attracted by the commotion, and
none too soon, for he was partially I'M
conscious. He then confessed and told
where he had hid the money. There was
only $50 at the place, and the Poles were
going to hang him again for the other
$l2, when policeman happened along,
and took him into custody
The days festivities wound up with
a dance and fight in which Frank
Parscevisch cut another fellow pretty
badly.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
THE cApER spURGE.
Its Story as Told in Bulletin No. 50
of the United States Dcpart-
ment of Agriculture. Il

This plant is called also garden
spurge, myrtle spurge, mole plant, mole
weed, mole tree, gopher plant, anti
gopher plant, wild caper, caper bush,
VOLTS milk, and springwort. ...
Description and Where Found-This
is smooth, herbaceous, milky-juiced
perennial, two to three feet high, with
a stiff erect stem, and opposite four
ranked leaves, the lower of which are
thick and oblong, the upper, thin, broad
and heart-shaped. The flowers are
greenish yellow and rather small. The
three-seeded fruit is conspicuous. 1t is
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

business and become what I am. ]
didn't feel so bad at first. I thought
one could be an undertaken and yet
crack jokes, invent riddles and spring
conundrums on the unsuspecting pub
! lie. 1t seemed to me that the situation
offered even better advantages, but
album, sir-ah-um! hadn't been in the
business an hour when I discovered
that there wasn't smile from roof to
cellar. The last catch-word I got off
was Just as l entered the doors: Pull
down your vest Five minutes later
had pulled my own down, and it has
never worked up since. Perhaps as an
actor or humorist I might have COM
nitted murder and been hung by the
neck, but lock back with longing and
regret. There are times, sir, when
positively ache to ask customer why
clam up tree is like hen in a we'll,
from renarking: Smother eve,' or
Hardly ever can't make you under
stand the feeling, SIR
''But there must be times-must be
. intervals-when you are alone-whcn
you are out of the store-that you can
indulge yourself?"
"Never - never a time, sir!" he
groaned. ''Once you get your voice at
tuned and your face set there must be
no change. Your expression and
speech are part of the business There
must be 10 trifing. Even when wake
up at midnight in my own bed and
know that nobody can see or hear me
I dare not trife with myself enough
to softly whisper: On! Cheese it, No
sir, it would never do. If was in the
dry goods business l could sing out to
you rs you came in the door: 'Ah!
there, Cholly!' but just imagine my
greeting anybody that way in this
business! I smile, sir, but I never,
never laugh. Other folks may laugh as
a fat man strikes an icy corner and
claws around for fence-rails and goes
down with q whoop, but it is not for
me, sir--not for me. 1t is not against
the ethics to attend a minstrel show,
but when I do attend, sir, it isn't over
Is minutes before the usher comes
down with my money and whispers:
Get out, old man-you are freezing up
the show!' I am permitted to smile
now and then, but it must not be
smile of eNhilaration and good nature.
No, sir. 1t must be sad and SORROW
full understanding to make you
think OF a shaft with lamb on top
of it, even if you didn't know my line
of business. Let me illustrate"
He smiled, and tears sprang to my
eyes and my heart began to ache. He
would have had me weeping in two
minutes if he hadn't put the smile
away to go on:
"And you see how it is when a Gus
toner comes in. I can't put on a CHEEKY
: look and talk about great bargain
sales, fresh stocks, newest designs and
all that. And when they are ready to
60 I can't smile and bow and ask. if
there is anything more to-day and
hope they will call again. 1 feel that
could write a drawing advertisement if
~ was butcher or a grocer Or kept
shoe store or was knight of the yard
stick, but what opportunity does this
business furnish? Can I send out pos
tails asking people to give my goods
trial, and giving warranty that they
will never SO elsewhere after one pur-
chase? Can l say that am in business
to give fits. and that prices are no OBJ
tect u customers are pleased? 1t I
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
SIM MGR. c...eerfesss.e.

The Secret Service has just unearthed a.
other band of counterfeiters and secured o
large quantity of bogus bills, which are 50
cleverly executed that the average person
would never suspect them Of being spurious.
Things of great value are always selected for
imitation, notably Hostetters Stomach Bit
tiers. which has many imifators but no equals
for disorders like indigestion, dyspepsia, con-
stipation, nervousness and general debility.
See that private Revenue Stamp covers the
neck of the bottle.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
car sforx.

Cats" said the gaunt man with the griz
zled whiskers, "can comprehend human
speech"
Got a cat. story?" asked the irreverent
person with the button nose.
II have. My daughter was doing a bit
OF Wagner night before last, and called
through the door to ask whether it were
she or the cat making the noise"
"WeH?"
The cat got up, swore vehementIy,
walked out and hasn't been seen since
Indianapolis Journala.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
FREE
GOVERN NJ ENT


There are still thousands Of acres Of govern
ment lands in the states Of Washington and
Oregon, also prairie and timber lands near rail-
road and water communication that can be
bought for $500 per acre; and there are no
cyclones billiards.. long winters or real hot
summers no failure Of crops, but always good
markets. II you wish to raise grain. principal
ly, or fruit or the finest stock Oh earth you can
do this 10 perfection If you are locking for en-
pIoyment and wish to secure STEADY work at
good wages, can help you to do this. have
no land for sale, but If you want information
abont this write me at 100 T.. Third St., Sc.
PanI Mimi R.E. Workman.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
CARRIER FOR EGG CASE.

tom of an empty grocery box and
mount it above it's cover by four small
springs from the upholsterer's, or from
a WORKOUT chair or couch. Set the
basket of eggs in this, and it will ride
safely over rough roads with the horse
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
Sad Catastrophe.

Mrs. Golde Nugget cannot see any cali
ers to-day, Nanette.
Nanette five minutes later to calier)-
Monsieur, l hat re plaisure to inform you Eat
madame is blind to-day. - Philadelphia
North American.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
How It HapDened.

White Man-Nearly a hundred years
old, eh? 10 what do you attribute
your longevity, uncle?
Uncle Shinpaugh-sah? Watts dat
yo' specifies bout de distribution OBJ
my longitude, sab?
White Man-Why, asked you how
it is that you have lived so long?
Uncle Shinpaugh-Uh, dat's it? I
sPecks, sab, it's b'kaze I neber died.
Judge.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

On soils of medium fertility the Span
ish peanut yields from so to IS bushels
per acre, and they make superb pas
ture for pigs. 1t is estimated that they
are worth between $1s and $40 per acre
for swine pasture.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

Dropsy treated free by DR.. Fl. Fl. Green's
Sons, Of Atlanta, Ga. The greatest dropsr
specialists IN the world. Read their afver-
.lsement IN another column of this paper.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
Almost Il Suicide

AlmO8f Il Suicide,
Biggs-1 nearly killed my barber this
morning.
Boggs-Judging from the appearance
of your face I should say lie nearly
killed you.
Biggs--It amounts to the same thing
I shave myself.-N. Y. Journal.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

The world may owe every man living,
but the miner is the one who digs down into
the. earth's pockets and gets it.-Chieago
Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

DOLLAR STRETCER One writes
err" is the new and orriua
method by Hubnger
Book from
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
CARRYING EGGS SAFELY.
A Simple Little Continuance That
Will Prevent Much Loss and u
Lot of Annoyance.

When basket of eggs is to be carried
over a rough road, either the horse must
be made to walk all the way, or broken
eggs be carried back. Saw off the bot
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
500 Reward 500,

The Bachelor Defned.-A Dallas mother
with five grown daughters defines bachelor
as a miserable coward who has lost the
opportunity of lifetime. "-Dallas News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

Piso's Cure cured me of Throat and
Lung trouble of three years standing.-E
Cady, Huntington, Ind, Nov IL, 1891.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

For real genuine sarcastic comment, you
are referred to the tombstones in the Gene
tery-Atchison Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

II have taken eight bottles of Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
and used two packages of your Sana-
tive Wash, also some of the Liver Pills,
and I can say that your remedies will
do all that you claim for them. Before
taking your remedies I was very bad
with womb trouble, was nervous, had
no ambition, could not sleep, and my
food seemed to do me no good. Now I
am well, and your medicine has cured
me. Twill gladly recommend your med
icine to every one wherever I CO.,
Mrs. NJ. L. SHEARS, GUN MARSH, NICE.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

All goods are alike to PUTNAM FADE
LESS DYES, as they color all fibers at one
boiling. Sold by all druggists.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

A successful man is one who attracts so
much attention in the world t:iat people
consent to abuse him.-Atchisou Globe.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

Hes vegetarian, is he?" ooh! the
strictest kind. He won't even eat oyster
plant. '-Philadelphia Record.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

Some people say great deal, but talk
very little.-Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

To Cure n Cold In One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
druggists refund money fit fails to cure. &c.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
Mrs. Pinkham's Medicine Made
a New Woman Of Mrs. Kuhn.


LETTER TO MRS. PINKHAM NO. 64,4o7l
"DEAR MRS. PINKHAM-I think it is
my duty to write to you expressing
my sincere gratitude for the wonder
full relief have experienced by the use
of Lydia E. Pinlham's Vegetable Com
pound. tried different doctors, also
different kinds of medicine. 1 would
feel better at times, then would be
as bad as ever.
"For eight years was great suf-
ferer. I had falling of the womb and
was in such misery at my monthly
periods could not work but little
before would have to lie down. Your
medicine has made new woman of me.
1 can now work all day and not get
tired. thank you for what you have
done for me. 1 shall always praise
your medicine to all suffering women. :"
Mrs. E. E. KUHN, GERMANo, ONO.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
ENGLISH LIKE OUR BUTTER,

The following from the London Grocer
will be of interest to Minnesota cream
cry men and produce merchants:
An interesting trial shipment of Amer
lean butter arrived on the London market
this week per the EST Paul." and was
on view In TOoley street. 1t represented
yariously treated buffers from four diff
ISrent dairy states, namely, Nebraska,
Illinois, Minnesota and Iowa All the but
tiers were made from separated creams,
excepting two from gathered cream, and
IT is curious that the latter turned out
the worst of the whole parcel.
1.-THE consignment from Minnesota, and
the unbranded butter from Nebraska,
made particularly good impression, and,
although not quite equal to the best
the states butter hitherto received; and
no doubt careful study Of the market
requirements will enable these shippers
successfully against the highest grades
now reaching this country from Canada"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

Pony breeding is one of the most lu-
crative lines of breeding. -
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
The Lost Chord.

He was industriousy drawing wooden
cloth to and fro over my shoe.
'Know an'thin' bout coon songs?" he
asked as he breathed on the leather and pol
ished it off again.
"A little-why?"
"Ah had de wo's piece O. bad luck yo' ever
seen," he said. "Ah'd heard all these coon
songs at de theaters, an men de old lady
we got ouah heads t'gether TO- t. git up a
coon song dat'd beat all dem odders half
way roun' de track. All got tn w'uds in
ma head, ma coco was full O. w'uds, an dat
aiah was as cleah in ma head as ma name.
I sung de fus' vehrse ovah to de OF lady, an
she said: Say, boy, but OATS a swell song;
yoosa boun t hit em bah hahd wi dat song,
de pen an ink?' an day wasn't none. I
takes me hat TO- t. go ovah to de avenoo
TO- t. git some ink an sheet O. papah, an
when | brings it home an sets down at de
table TO- t. write out dat song an aiah, every
bit O. both had lef' my min. All ain been
able t recollec' elder one O. dem sence. Now,
if dat ain hahd Luck den dis niggah doan,
know what hahd luck means. Gimme yo'
othah foot" -Detroit Free Press.
800 Reward 500.
The readers of this paper will be pleased
to learn that there is at least one dreaded
disease that science has been able to cure in
all its stages, and that is Catarrh. Halps
C(atarrh Cure is the, onl y positive cure
known to the medical fraternity Catarrh
being a constitutional disease, requires a
constitutional treatment. Halls Catarrh
Cure is taken internally, acting directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the
system, thereby destroying the foundation
Of the disease, and giving the patient
assisting nature in doing its work. The
proprietors have so much faith in it's cura-
tive. powers that they offer One Hundred
Dollars for any case that it fails to cure
Send for list of testimonials.
Address +. j. Cheney & Co., Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, 75c.
Halls Family Pills are the best.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24

SEPARATOR BLOWN APART
An almost new threshing separator be-
longing to Armstrong Bros, was blown
apart when in operation on the farm
of Mr. Heise, north of Easton. The cylin-
der and self-feeder were totally destroyed
and in all about 5000 worth of damage
was done. It gave a tremendous report,
and parts of the separator were blown
four yards. 1t is thought to have been
the result of dynamite placed in one of
the stacks No one was injured, although
several men were around the machine at
the time
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1899-11-24
OFFICERS ELECTED

The state insane hospital board held a
special meeting at the Ryan Hotel, St.
Paul, and elected the following staff for
the Anoka asylum: President, John
Coleman, Anoka; matron, Mrs. Coleman;
resident physician, DR.. Frank, engineer,
Frank McCoslin.
In selecting Mr.. Coleman as superin-
tendent the board believes it has been
fortunate. He has personally supervised
the construction of the institution. He is
president of the Anoka National Bank
and prominent in the business life Of that
town.
The position Of president joins with it
that of steward. The salary was fixed
recently at $1,000. Mrs. Coleman will re-
ceive $500 per year. The salary of the
resident physician is $780, and that of the
engineer SIS per month. The board also
selected a baker and a cook. The re-
naming offices on the staff will be filled
by the superintendent.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1899-07-03
A SOLDIER Boys THOUGHTS.
He Had No Time for Home When
There Were Spaniards
to Shoot.

Il returned army officer relates this
incident of the Santiago campaign: At
the close of the first days siege, two Off
GERS were discussing in low tones the
exciting and tragic events OF the day.
There was lull in the conversation.
during which the lieutenant, who was
given to sentiment, hummed something
about Just before the battle, mother"
The captains eyes were moist in a mo-
ment and he turned his head away to
hide his weakness. Presently he no
ticed slip of boy sitting on the
ground apparently examining his gun
i'll an absent-minded way.
PITY to have such children in this
horrible business" said the captain in
a thick voice.
"Thinking Of his mother or sweet
heart, I'll bet you," ventured the
lieutenant. Say, my boy" he called
to the youthful volunteer, with the
evident purpose of cheering him up a
bit, "a penny for your thoughts"
Il was thinking of my Mauser," the
little fellow replied.
''There, what did I tell you," said the
lieutenant, turning to the captain;
thinking of his mother like n dutiful
son; pity he isn't with her now; this
is no place for boys"
;. The volunteer overheard this re-
mark, and, srringing to his feet, he sa-
luted and said: IL said l was thinking
of my Mauser, and ! was-my Mauser
rifle; I was just wondering how many
OF those cusscd dagos l could kill if
had them St1n6inp in n row.
There was no further sympathy
wasted on the boy recruit; he was
"frst-class fghtin' man."
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1899-07-03
HER BRIDEGRooM's UNIFORM.
she wanted 1t to BE n Combine
ton of nm Admiral's and
Generals.

One of the young gentlemen who
have just been appointed in the regular
army was married only few weeks
ago, and his bride takes great deal
OF interest in his uniform. He left his
measure with a military tailor here the
other day, and the next afternoon when
she was out shopping she dropped in
TO give some Instructions MS to the man.
ner in which it was to be trimmed, SAYS
q Washington letter in the Chicago Rec
ord.
She told the tailor she did not like the
ordinary uniform of n second lieutcn-
ant and desired to have her husbands
different. She wanted to have four
bands of gold braid around the sleeve,
ike Admiral Schley has on his, and
after critically examining all the shout
dcrstraps she instructed the tailor to
put on her husbands coat q pair TINT
mad silver birds embroidered on them,
because they were prettier than any of
the rest.
. The tailor tried to advise her that the
regulations did not permit second lieu
tenant to wear the insignia of an adj
miral of the navy or those Of colonel
in. the army, but she declared TINT If Lr
would not make that uniform the ,vny
she wanted she would have her hus-
band patronize somebody else.