Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-10-24

II S'ltVll bfiuSS insurance
To q placid mortal>s way:
But when it does. it's tire,esS
AS lion after prey.
So take warning. Mr.. Dewey,
As the outlook here you
1hereS Il roar that makes the echoes
AS the office seeks the man.
Washington Star,
The Philadelphia Record recounts the
predicament Of the man i'll evening dress
and his laundry stored in his silk hat:
The other night" said young lawyer
at luncheon yesterday, Il put on even
ing clothes. AS my family is out of
town, and as | am eternally forgetting to
have washing dome. it struck me while
| dressed that | would pass laundry on
my way downtown. and that it would be
well to cart along and leave there q few
soiled articles. | packed them-a dozen
picces-in the crown of my tall hat. Then
| sailed forth, immaculate and elegant,
and from that moment all thought of the
laundry deserted me. Manipulating Il
cigarette gracefully, | stood Il little la
ter at Broad and Chestnut streets and
waited for a cab. Fierce electric lights
beat on me, and no doubt | made an i'm
posing figure. A man [ knew came along
with his daughter, and We rushed togeth-
CT IOE IL CHA. Il uUutI lily Hat. anu It's
contents battered down around us. The
collars rolled gaily, like little white hoop
snakes, here and there. One of the hand
kerchefs fell on the young lady's shoe,
and she was good enough to StOop and
restore it to me. The shirt in some way
managed to distend itself, aud lay at our
feet in that poSeful length, on the face,
with cutstretched arms-in which cap
tives crave the mercy OF victorious kings.
1t was truly an awful moment, and |
don't know whether l emerged from it
gracefully or not. | guess not"
-:o:--
Mamma-.What did you mean by say
ing No, when | asked you if you went
in bathing, when you knew you were
Didn't you tell me the other day to be
man and learn to say Mo- Boston
Transcript.
An old farmer who had been to the
city was describing to his friends the
splendor Of the hotel he stayed at.
Everything was perfect said he; ''all
but one thing-they kept the light burn
ing all night in my bedroom, Il thing
amt used to- Well" said one of his
listeners why didn't you blow it out?"
BLOW it out" said the farmer; how
could I? The pesky thing was inside a
bottle?'
Mrs May-Fair-''I hear that your son
is a great student, and spends most of
his time over the midnight OIL Mrs.
Jones "a rich parvenu, in pony carriage)
Mot word of truth in it. We ave
helectric light hall over the 'ouse, and
Hatred as a ole chanticleer i'll is
mr'-Punch.
Rntfa1n haUUar n1lSpr1 hiy
run down by mean printer III the
following way. He had been dis
tributing cards of five verses, two of
which We're:
Many a bright. good-hearted fellow,
Many Il undetermined man,
Finds himself in water shallow,
Then assist him if you can.
Do your best for one another,
Making life pleasant dream;
Help a worn and cripple brother,
Pulling hard against the stream
The printer thought he would have
some fun and set up these:
Many bright, good hearted lobster,
Many dirty, lowbOrn bloke.
Has "trun'' the guys that put him wise,
And become Il top-notch soak.
| haven't worked in fifteen years
And I'm a healthy, husky man;
I'm lying lout, who's always out,
For the price TO chase the can.
I'm worthless, shiftless, drunken bum,
And a thief from hat to shoes;
/ never spent blooming cent,
For anything but booze.
You know what it is to be bum
To your pals you should be kind, sir;
Recall your woes and frisk your clothes,
And hand me what you find sir,
The beggar was finally arrested, but
until then did not find out why he had
received no money as usual for the card
far. ho
The prison clerk read the revised verses
to him.
Her Rival-May-''Jenn loves Jack
.Sweldhedde, but she's afraid he loves
somebody else more
Fay-'She's right, too.
May Indeed! Who is it,
Fay-"Jack Sweldhedde" Catholic
Standard and Times
The Boston Pilot tells of an exhorter
who was holding forth on the common
and solemnly presenting to his hearers
the alternative of salvation or damna-
tion-the King James Bible or the Douay
Bible Among the audience was a citi-
zen who had been imbibing somewhat
freely This gentleman apparently mis-
understood the preacher, for he yelled:
'Hooray for the Dewey Bibler' The
crowd took up the cry, and the eXhorter
was compelled to suspend further effort.
THE BLUFF
The boy stood on little pair
Stood pat. When all had fed
He pocketed the pot and quit
Just twenty plunks ahead.
-Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Philadelphia Inquirer finds bach
elors' club pledged to marry widows:
There is a bachelors club in the West
whose only rule to which members swear
allegiance when they join the club is
Marry a widow Young girls and old
maids alike are barred. One explanation
of this rule, given by member, is: We
consider it the part of wisdom to marry
someone who has already discovered that
men are not angels Another member
gives this philanthropic reason: Young
girls always have the best chance with
their fresh, blooming faces, and We think
the widows ought to be given a show, as
their lives have been blighted i'll a meas
ure, as it were. Anyway, they seem to
understand man better Another view
of the case is the fact that anything for
hidden suddenly acquires wonderful in
terest A lot of bachelors who pledge