The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1899-08-25
JADE WON THE BELLE
YET HIS FACE WAS HOMELY ENOUGH
TO SCARE CHILDREN.

He Got Mighty Particular.
Il reckon Jabe Hawkins was about
the uglieSt man the Lord ever let live"
said Uncle Ben as he meditatively
Whetted his knife upon his boot leg.
give knowed strangers to foller that
man around for half hour jest to git
another look at his face an then go
right off an take drink @ Ticker.
Seemed to kind O. give 'em a relish for
it. I've knoWed fool women to scare
their children into spasms by threaten
in to give 'em to Jabe, an they do say
he's been the cause O. more than one
runaway. He was jest piZen ugly, an
that's all they was to it. 1t was a durn
pity, too, because he was a mighty nice
man if you happened to meet him in
the dark, an he had money in the
bank at Maple Run an so acres O as
fine bottom land as ever felt plow.
'Well, in spite O him bein so blame,
homely that he dassent look a woman
in the face, this yere cuss was always
wantin to git married, but, O. course,
they want no way to get at it. He
advertised some in the city paper an
writ letters to lots O. women that way,
but he was honest to the core, an when
the thing got along fur enough SOS
they might anything come O it he al
ways sent his photograph. an that end
ed it.
"Oncet they was a mighty likely
widow from way back east that got to
likin Jabe purity we'll through his let
ter writin, an | must say he was a
good hand at that, before he sent his
pickshur. After studyin over his line
ments for couple O. mouths she made
up her mind to come on anyhow, but
when she ackshully saw Jabe in the
flesh she backed out an married ST Pc
ter, an she made him a mighty fine
wife, barrin the fact that she had a
2O-year-old son that bObbed up after
the ceremony an turned out to be as
shiftless as it's possible fur man to
git an live.
"Then Jabe gifts desperit, an he up an
offers a hundred dollars reward to any
body as will git him a pardner. But
that didn't amount to much. Ole bud
Harris lowed he'd make his oldest
girl, Mirandy, the one that had the
harelip, jine him, an Jabe, KNOWN
his own Shortcomings. was satisfied to
git anybody most, but Mirandy took
epileptic fits an died before the Weddin
come off, an folks all aroun said it was
a judgment on Dud.
"Then Jim Damn brung arOun his
half Witted girl, an Jabe studied
long while over it, thinkin mebby that
if they was goin to be children come.
with his ugliness they'd better be fools,
too, SOS they wouldn't realize it. The
girl seemed to take fancy to Jabe
right away an wanted to kiss him, but
he changed his mind right off, properly
decidin that he couldn't stand anybody
that was as big a fool as that.
Things was this-a-Way when there
was a hypnotizer come through Maple
Run an give show, an he asked for
people to come up on the platform an
be hypnotized. Everybody most was
afraid to go till Jabe made the break,
sayin it didn't matter much what be-
come O him nohoW, an then five more
went up like they alluz do.
''Well, the mint this here hypnotiSt
took hold o. Jabe's head an tilted it
back to git a good look in his eyes he
give a funny little jump an says:
"T can't do nothin with you. Why,
man, you may not know it, but you
got more power than [ have. If you
fix them fine blue eyes O. yOur'n on
anybody, they just nachelly have to do
what you say
''Then he let Jabe go an made Wash
Diftins fight bumblebees an preten' he
was q dog an do the most outlandish
things you ever heard of. | gosh, it
was funny, an he made some O. the
others act up, too, but none SO much as
ole Wash, an the next day he went
away.
''But he made a mighty big change in
Jabe's life. Y'see up to this time Jabe
allus dropped his eyes every time he
see a woman comm, an theWoman allus
looked the other way. But now Jabe
made up his mind to try it, an so he
looked, an all the women knOWed
about it, so they looked, an they found
out that them eyes was mighty fine If
YOU looked at 'em SO keen you couldn't
see the rest O. his face. They was
scared, too, since they heard
as how Jabe was a hypnotizer If he
only wanted to be hathaway; but, O
course, that only made 'em look all the
more.
"First off, Jabe didn't have the sand
to look at the best loozin girls, but only
the homely ones, an it wasn't two
weeks till he could O. had his choice o.
q dozen girls. You see, they got to
talkin to him an studyin them eyes o
hiss'n, an fust thing they knowed they
was hankerin after 'em. But Jabe got
particular They was a time when he'd
been tickled to death to have any girl
that wore dresses keep comp'ny with
him, but he KEEP raisin his idees every
day till f1n'ly he sot his mind on winnin
Hetty Allen, that was the blamedest
purtiest girl in the whole country an
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