The times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1897-1901, 1899-04-30
THE BOTTLE MILLIONAIRE.

EHE bUITLE MILLiONAIkE.
My friend Mike Tussier was a cowboy
par accident. Nature had made him an
irishman, and the favor of a ward boss
had made him a policeman in Boston, yet
| here was he beside a sagebrush campfire
with the cattle bedded down for the night
| hard by. Some good cowboys come from
Boston-a few. There is a doubt about Mr..
| Tussler as to whether he was SO efficient
| vaquero because he was Irish or for the
| reason thac was unusually bow-legged
| At any rate, his anatomy fitted to a horse
| very accurately. and he bestrode a buck
ing broncho as gracefully and securely as
! sawbuck on a Gothic roof. 1t is said
| but l can give you only hearsay on this
| point-that Mike would lock his toes to-
| gether under the horses ribs, and thus
ride out safely the hardest gale of pitching
and tossing that any cayuse could put up.
! Added to the anatomical reason for the
| freshman making good vaquero there ap-
| pears to be an interesting chronological one.
There is a hypothetical racial relation
between Ireland and Spain. The Spaniard
and his American progeny, the Mexican.
make the best horsemen on earth, and the
| lrishman is good second.
! Mike says this is all wrong. and I am
| confounding cause with effect: that his legs
| were SlTdlSHt DIS young SdpiIuSS before
! overmuch riding effected and perfected
| their present graceful curve.
Also, he is not real 1rishman at all,
at all, but belongs to that honorable and
Astounding clan, Scotch from the north OF
Ireland"
! But this is his own yarn-et him tell 1t:
| When my legs was straight / was three
inches taller than | am now, and good
looking in proportion. With my broad
| shoulders and fine chest | was one of the
| best-lo0king officers on the force, and so
they put me out at Cambridge to keep an
| eye on the boys at the varsity. stayed
there only one year, when l had to resign
from the force on account of my health,
being threatened with sympathetic ire
mems from. seeing them students stagger-
ing home in the morning. Fine officers is
ruined that way every year, b'ys, and
John L. says they ought to have pension.
But policemen is like soldier-he
has to go where he is ordered: so when
was ordered off the force I went. Then
Joined private detective agency. and
was sent out to the Black Hills to find a
gold mine that had been lost there. My
employer was an old lady who had taken
a half-iuterest in the property to oblige a
friend. and it was my sad duty to write
her that it was no real mine at all. but
sailed. barrels of salt having been import
ed for the purpose. / found that out at
up near the entrance. The poor old lady
died on hearing how she had been bun
coed, and so | never had the chance to let
her know / was mistaken, the barrels not
being salt barrels. but all bottled-bee bar
reis, just dumped in the canyon to get them
out Of the way. The Hills was great
place for beer, reminding me Of Cambridge,
and, the railroad not bein' built yet, every
thing had to come in two hundred miles on
wagons, making freights sky high and the
price of beer likewise.
THE old ladys mine was called the
| 'Sparhawk,' and all there was to 1t was
tunnel about sixty feet into the mountain
right close to town, SO as the miner could
have all the advantages Of town and coun-
try life. Not being very flush of money,
on account Of her dying so suddenly after
getting the report on the mine without
having time to sign my check, l boarded
up the front of the tunnel and moved in.
made some elegant furniture out Of the
old barrels. and l found lot of beer
about a dozen bottles-that had been
overlooked in the straw packing in the
| barrels. 1t was getting cold weather, but
the straw had kept it from freezing, SO s
twas all right.
Now having a corkscrew in my pocket
at the moment was the foundation Of my
fortune. for If I'd been obliged to break the
bottles to get the beer. the idea would
never have come to me to save EN- But,
seeing them standing all up in a row.
good as new, and only wanting more beer
In them Cike mel, think, says l, Why not
save 'em and get EN- filled?
81 wrote letter to my cousin in Bos-
ton and asked him, What becomes of all
the beer bottles?' knowing him to be an
authority on such points. And he answer
| ed me back: we were used to throw 'em
in the bay, but they stopped US on account
of film up the harbor, and now We sends
EN- back to the bottling works to be re-
filed We gets cents for them
when / got my Cousins letter, | spent
the night laying out my plans, and the
very next morning, bein' man of action,
l began to carry them out. l got me
barrow and went over the town collectin'
bottles, and l fetched 'em to me residence
| in the tunnel and stacked 'em up inside,
about twenty feet back. Well, b'ys, the
pile got so big that it like to crowded me
out entirely, for / went to every pace in
town that sold beer. and asked them to
save me the bottles, and I swept out their
places and washed windows, and did all
sorts of jobs for them. so they would do
it, And | was called Crazy Mike FIRE.
quently a man would tell me: Don't you
know, you loonatic, that bottles is worth
only two cents in Omaha, and it would
cost four cents to get 'em there?" But to
all such / says, Leave me be. I'm here
for my health
But very well / knew / couldn't get
them hauled out by the freight-teams. I'd
been to every one of them fellows, and
they all would go out empty sooner than
load up with cheap freight. So I keeps on
piling up the bottles, and l had to pull
down the stacks and begin way back at
the end of the tunnel to get more room.
And | become quite the celebrated char
ter in that town. I've been mentioned in
sermons the preacher saying. Let us be
faithful to our ideals, as the beer bottle
man is to his And the tourists, they had
to have look at me and my stack of
bottles in the tunnel. for the people said:
You mustn't go away without seeing our
bottlemad man. He is unique
The town continued to prosper and to
drink beer. Only one mine. the Home
stake. was paying big. but there were a
lot OF good prospects, and now and again
some fellow would strike rich pocket and
take out gold enough in day to quit on.
And 1t kept everybody hopeful Without
neglecting my business | took lessons in
mining, and / learned what they mean by
Sailing a mine. And | felt sorry that
the old lady. my former employer, was
dead, so that I couldn't let her know, too
And | learned that the Sparhawk mine
never had struck any ore at all, but was
just run into the hill on a venture, like
you might fire your gun into leafy tree on