The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-11-18

prevented the Revolooshun & awlso the
war ov 1872"
IT shoodnt be at awl supprized," sez
I, "but what / want 2 get at liz this.
I've got a sun, Alonzo Kidder, Jr., a
rite smart boy, past %, sownd az
doller e a fine loolSin boy; hecz the de1
picther ov hiz father, so peepil say. q
don't no ov enything Ide rather hav
him work at than Prince Konsort."
"Mr. Kidder, you mbarress me; i
shall in awl probability never wed
agen."
Madam" sez I, "you mistake me;
wait till I've finisht. My idee IL this:
Wilhellmena, Queen ov Holland, IL a
nice, likely yung gurl, accordin 2 awl
ackownts, & you no az well az 1 due
that she cant run that thrown awl
alone"
That's true" replide her highness, "I
never thawt ov her."
"Now, awltho no that royalty az a
genral thing keeps away frum trade,
I've herd it sed, on pretty good aw-
thority, that you hav bin known 2 be
in the match making blzness, Queen"
Victoria smiled.
Matches, thay say, MaJer are maid
In hevin."
"How abowt Parler matches?" sez I.
Agen did her highness mile.
"& from awl reports 1 think suffer
matches are maid in the other place."
sez I.
This time she bust rite out.
You grow faseshus, Maj" sez she,
when she seest chortle.
"Tawl<in ,abowt matches reminds me
ov littel annigoat / herd abowt a
man"
"Tell IT," broke in the Queen
"Well. this man lost hz wife & af-
ter she waz berried he had a toomstone
placed over her grave & on it he had
chizzeld: This lite ov my life liz gone
out but az time rolld on--its a habit
time haz--he took unto himself another
wife. 1 day she acumpanyd him the
semiterry while he strewd fours on the
grave of hiz 1st wife. He notist that
number lookt kind ov funny when
she Bed the inskripshun, so the next
day he had another line added, and
| now it reeds:
| The lite ov my life IL gone out,
| SO l struck another match
| & everything is luvly."
Agen the Queen lafft fit kill & sed:
| Mr. Kidder, your crate cumpany. Ex-
| kuse me a moment, 1 must go out 6,
! put the tea kittle on & stir up the fire
a bit; lie return shortly"
| Cant I assist you?" sez I.
"No, no, coodnt think ov it," she
| replide, "I awlways due that 4 the
| hired gurl on Toosdays."
While the Queen waz out I strolld
] q Ill
paintings ov her ansesters & prodgeny
& admiring the charterd oak furni-
ture. When she returned she sed
! Wont you stay 2 tea, Mr.. Kidder? We
aint going hav mutch but your well
KUN what we hav." 'Im 1000 times
Obliged but I hav an Engagement at the
hotel . sell sum litening rods & Im
afrade l cant stay day but sun
other time lie be delited cum & bring
my dinner & stay awl day."
Tide be glad hav you,' replied her
highness. "Ile see what I can do 4
you with Wilhellmena."
IF you can strike that match lie
make you present ov az fine liten.
ing rod az ever adornd a bilding."
You are very kind, indeed"
Don't menshun it,"
We shook hands az we stood on the
front peyazza e az I bid her a fond
ado l remarkt, "If your troops wiz
down in South Afrika, Mrs. Victoria
you will konfer a CRATE boon on tn
long-suffering newspaper reeders by
changing the names ov awl the towns
rivers, etc. down there; the only l a
present that IL pronounct by peepl
| alike IL Lady smith "
"Its the 1st thing am going due, :
replide her Magesty
Thanks" sez I, "ado."
A. Kidder.