The St. Johns herald., 1899-09-23
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 Wig-Dedbroke tells me that he hopes to marry soon. Is the girl well of? Wag-I think so; she refused him. Philadelphia Record.
 Teacher-Now, Johnny, which would you rather have your father promise to give you-a silver watch or gold one! Johnny-A silver one, cause I'd think he meant 1t then.-Jewelers' Weekly.
 Squelched.-"Sir," began the book canvasser, 'I have a little work here -" Sorry" interrupted the busy man, "but have a great deal of work here. Good morningw-Chicago News. "well, Ned finally proposed last Sun- day evening" "Was he embarrassed? !? Embarrassed? I should say so! Why, be made such hard work of it 1 was afraid he'd desecrate the Sabbath!'- Puck.
 Parson Goodman-Oh, brethren! what shall we do to be saved? Deacon Joslyn dust back from a New York trip, and very tired-Don't blow out
 
 fre.-Judge.
 Wife (earnestly)-George, dear, l have prayed so fervently of late for tailor-made gown that I feel 1t would be flying in the face of Providence not to go and get measured at once Brooklyn Life.
 About the hottest thing have seen lately" Asbury Peppers remarked, as 1 he speared the best slice of melon twas an old salt, with peppery tenn per, who had just been mustered out" :" Cincinnati Enquirer.
 Layman-Is 1t true that you can neV- .r get direct answer from a lawyer? Lawyer-I think 1t would depend upon what your understanding of the word direct" Is, and upon the character and disposition of the lawyer.
 Freddie, do you know what the Bi- ble says about lieY asked his mother with feigned severity. "Yeth, ma'am." :" lisped Freddie; "a lie Is an abOmIna- ton unto the Lord and very refuge In time of trouble. ."-Kansas City Star.
 Mamma-Johnny, what did you mean by saying "No" when I asked you If you went bathing, when you knew you were telling a wrong story? Johnny Didn't you tell me the other day to be 8 man and learn to say "No"-Boston Transcript.
 Tt ain't only English people drops their aitches," said little boy to the new teacher. "I never heard no Amer lean pronounsce the ditch In my pame." What Is your name" asked the teacher. Johnny" said the little bOy.-Harper's Bazar.
 Mir. Uncertain-You keep a private yacht, don't you, Dubious? MT. Du- bious-Oh, yes. MT. Uncertain-Well, next to money, what Is the most i'm portant adjunct necessary to the main tenance of a craft of that kind? Mr. -Credit.-Stray Stories.
 Skeptic-You still believe in spirit ualism, and yet at the seance last night the medium called up your grandmother and she didn't know how many daughters she had. Believer Oh, well, grandmothers memory was getting very poor few days before she died.
 Young lady (out yachting)-What is the matter, Captain Quarterback Captain-The fact is, my dear young lady, we've broken our rudder. Young lady-I wouldn't worry about that The rudder is mostly under water, any how. you know, and 1t isn't likely peo pie will notice it.
 'If give you a quarter" said the old lady, kindly, what assurance have that you will not immediately go of and get intoxicatedT Madam" re piled the polite tramp, 'it would give me the greatest pleasure in the world to demonstrate to you that it ism enough for the purpose. ."-Chicag' Post.
 President of the Company-I gues! you'd better discharge that boy. Man ager-Why? He seems to be nice quiet kind of boy, and haven't no ticed that he has neglected his work President-That's all very true, but don't think he has the making of { financial genius in him. He's beer around here for more than three week now and hasn't given either you or m to understand that he knows mor' about the business than we do. Tourist docking back upon difticul bit of mountain path he has just traV : ersed)-Ugh! that's as ugly a bit o dangerous climbing as I've ever beel . over. There must have been a lot o accidents there. Why don't they pu no a notice board to the effect that It dangerous? Guide-There was an aC rident there once, sir, and they put III a notice at the entrance to the pass but as nobody else came and fell dow the chasm they did away with tn board.
 And" said the short little woma after giving her order to the waiter, a she tried in vain to touch her toes t the floor, "and, John, 1 want has sock" John nodded, and, as he hand od h,s order to the waiter, said: ''Yef and bring a hassock for the lady" Tn waiter did not go, but brushed th , tohlecloth with towel and rearranG od the articles on it several times while his face got very red. Then b came around to Johns side, ant speaking sotto voce, said: Say, miste haven't been here long, and I'm nc Q m to all these things. Will the lad - have the hassock broiled or friedT- !. Chicago Chronicle.