Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1899-06-01
F[ASAAAz 81
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l'tSSle- JACK lltart Is III the r1gnt
place. Icna-"llow do you know?'
Bessie-"I have it."--Town Topics
Father-'Tommy, stop pulling that
cats tail" Tommy-"Im only hold
ing the tail; the cats pulling it.'-Tit
Bits.
IIousewife-"IIow dare you ask me
to feed you again. Hobo-"That
ma'am, is a perfashnul secret. DE
troit Journal.
Angry Soubrette-'I understand you
have been telling everybody my hair
is not my own" Her Hated Rival
It's false.'-Life.
"Where does the boat called a
smack properly belong?" Il don't
know "Why, on the face of the
waters. "-philadelphia Bulletin.
Jones'" Marie, I'm sure there's some
thing crawling up my back" Mrs.
Jones-"Oh, | guess it's just your
fancy" Joncs-"No, it's too lively
/ Life.
Kings Daughter Mercy. DO you
/ allow that half-grown girl to read
lola and Ouida? The MOTHER must
do something to keep her away from
daily newspapers
Mrs. Van Twiller (viho mistakes DR..
Jovial for Il physician)-An where do
you practice, doctor: The Rev. DR..
Jovial-Ah, madam, do not practice;
| only preach.-IIarlem Life.
mean when they speak of irst-water
uiamond?" backbone that-um-er
one fresh from the mine-never been
soaked you know" -Jcwelers' Weekly.
After Il man has taken girl to the
alter as often as six times, and called
upon her with chocolates in his pocket
she begins to see resemblance in him
to her favorte hero in Il uovel.-Atchi-
son Globe.
II read today" said Mrs. Mcbride,
'of a judge who recently granted TWEEN
ty divorces i'll one day" lie must be
one of those twenty-knot destroyers we
read about sometimes added Mr.. Nc
Bride.-Life.
Jones-Dear me. You say you often
lay down the law to your wife. How
do you go about it? Boncs-Why, all
you need is iirlnness. l usually 20 into
my study, lock the door, and do it over
the transom. Puck.
He-Why did you fail to recognize
me on the street to-day? She-l didn't
see you. He-Thats strange. l saw
~, Il
counts for it. | never notice a man in
that condition.-Fibre and Fabric.
Choily-Charmin widow, isn't She?
They say she is to marry again. Algy-
| wouldn't want to be widows sec
ond husband. Cholly-Well, I'd rather
be a widows second husband than her
first husband, OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
YES, Stubs was goin' into decline,
an the doctor said tn best thing for
him was to get an easy government job
and lie around doing nothing" "A sine
cure, eh?' Il don't know what kind o
cure you call it, but anyhow he's
cured"
The trouble with him." said the
young man who had been trying to
tittingly describe an acquaintance, "is
that when he dipped iuto the sea of
knowledge he thought he brought up
so much that the blamed thing went
dry."-Chicago Post.
Mrs. Tilford-''It must have taken
Daniel Webster a long time to com
pile the dictionary; don't you think
inl1 N .,.tD
Noah. don't your Mrs. Tilford-
"Now, don't be silly. Noah built the
ark. Brooklyn Life.
Curran, the Irish advocate, was eX
amininy a witness once, and, failing &c
get direct answer, said: There is nc
use in asking you questions, for l see
the villain in your face do you. sir|
said the man. "FaiX, l never knew be-
fore that my face was looking glass
Mr.. Younghusband- is no use
talking; won't eat any more of youI
cooking. Mrs. Younshusband dearful
ly)-And you-you-said-you were
willing to-die-die for me! But, mad
anne, there are worse things thar
death."-Sydney Town and Country
Journal.
Mrs Proudfoot-"Yes, Mrs. Mala
prop. that's an heirloom. It's been il
! Mr.. Proudfoot's family over Il hun
dred wears" Mrs. Malaprop-"Do tell
I've been naggin' ut John Henry to gel
an heirloom ever since we moved t.
the city, but he can't find any, eXcep
secondhand ones and | won't have
then. "-JewelerS' Weekly.
? A rich but ignorant lady, who wa
rather ambitious in her Conversations
. STYLE. in speaking of a friend, said
, "Ie is paragram of polteness.' Zen
cuse me- said Il wag sitting next t.
her. but do you not mean parallel
cram?" "Of course do immediatel,
replied the lady. How could | hay,
made such a mistaken
His idea of the process: "As | I'm
= derstand it," said the heather, "yol
uronose TO ciVilize me-" Exactly so.