Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-05-25
J0KERS' BUDGET.



other things she'd spoiled
The grief within her bosom like o
seething cauldron boiled.
II make SO many blunders." she I'M
to her husband said,
'"That you must almost hate me. Oh,
wish that I were dead r.
And that eccentric husband this sweet
consolation spake.
"They are nothing to the blunders
that my mother used to make"
DENIED 1T HIMSELF.
"They say he is unhappiIy married
and leads regular dogs life"
$50 I've heard, but he denies it."
''Denies it himself, does he ?"
Eyes. He says he only wishes it
were true"
Eyes, yes, of course. forgot that
his wife has pet poodle"
HEARD AT THE TABLE.
"The dog" said the pseudo scien-
tific boarder, steers himself with his
tail, to a considerable degree"
uses it to guide his wandering
bark, does he ?" asked the Chee'
Idiot.
1T WAS TANTAMoUNT.
"Has she told you that she loved
you ?"
"Not in so many words. She mere
ly asked me what life insurance I
carried"
ITs PROPER place
Where does the boat called
smack properly belong?'
Il don't know"
''Why, on the face of the waters.
CASTING REFLECTIONS.
'She has just had her portrait
painted" said one.
"Only her portrait ?" asked the
other in surprise, after a hasty glance.
AN APPALLING CONDITION.
Dire poverty confronted them.
"And there is nothing in the house
for dinner p he faltered.
The young wife burst into tears.
''No, and don't know how to get
breakfast and lunch except with what
is left over from dinner r. she sobbed.
In this terrible moment her cook
ing school diploma, looking down at
them from it's gilded frame, seemed
almost to mock them.
THE KIND THEY WERE NOT.
A coal dealer had occasion to call
on one of his customers and found
oil
instinct he inquired:
well, my friend, what kind of
ashes are you sitting now ?"
Il can't say exactly what kind they
are," was the reply, "but 1 know they
are not the ashes of the just
WHY THEY ARE so CALLED.
"Pa. why do they call them stump
speakers ?"
Because they are generally
stumped when anybody asks a ques-
ton requiring an answer that the
public can understand.
PROFESSIONAL INADvERTENCE.
Dearest. asked the confiding girl,
after her usual manner, ''am l really
your first and only love?"
"No, darling" said the young
druggist, "but you are something
just as good"
HER INFERENCE.
Mrs. Captain Braggington. My
field.
Sally Gay. Why, I didn't know
he had ever travelled with circus
HARDLY FITTED FOR EITHER.
81 hardly know what to do with
that young man." said the plumber,
speaking of a recent employee.
"Why ?"
"Well, he isn't prompt enough to
be given the task of making out the
bills, and he isn't procrastinating
enough to be a success at doing the
work.
APPEAL TO AN AUTHORITY.
"'They say" said the hostess, en-
deavoring to keep the conversation
from tagging, that Niagara Falls is
not more than 10000 years DID,"
II don't know anything at all about
it," returned the spiteful girl. why
don't you ask Miss Passe ?"
CRUEL INFERENCE.
Maud-Between us, dear, I think
the Counts compliments rather crude.
He told me the sight OF my beautiful
face actually made his mouth water.
Edith-The Idea I'm sure your
face doesn't look quite that much like
q lemon
HIS FOURTEENTH QUESTION.
Little Clarence.
Mr.. Callipers. Eth?
Little Clarence. Pa, why is it that
q man walking alone never passes a
given point while professions always
do?
ONE OF THE WATERS
"Can I be waited on ?" asked the
hungry customer.
Certainly, said the floor manager.