The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
WORDS OF WISDOM WASTED.
A barber Shop Wind TANNER Who
Aired His Intellect to No
Avail.


jawed man, as he stepped into chail
i'll barber shop off his regular beat, II
don't think we arc making mistake
in dealing with the Filipinos this way
OF that way. I haven't any thinks
whatever on the subject. don't think.
If Germany is sore on us, Tin sorry, bnt
l can't help it. If Canada wants u
hunk of Alaska she can have it, for all
of me. I'm not hunting for trouble.
but peace. The weather is getting d
bit warmer, for a fact, but the fact that
l carry considerable fat does not, as you
enormously suppose, cause me to de-
spise hot weather. On the contrary.
1 like it. I haven't tried DR.. Whadyou-
callem's reduction pills, and L don't in.
tend to. They may be good and great
for the purpose, but I don't want 'em.
People are, as you sd y, beginning
to leave the city for their summer va
cations, but that doesn't worry me a
little bit. All the more room left for
me. l don't pay any attention to base
too long in Washington for that. No,
1 haven't read that we've signed new
shortstop. We've been signing new
counterfeits ever since Job was a gos-
ling, and the final result has always
been the same. I am not posted about
the census Office examinations, and l
am not hunting for information on that
subject. I'd like to see 'em all get
jobs. Ny beard is hard and coarse.
know that I'm a hard and coarse man,
and if 1 had a soft and fine beard I'd
be freak. I've been aware for some
time that my hair is thinning at the
top, but that'll give my brains a chance
to cool Off. The razor doesn't hurt. /
did, read about Coney Island burning
down, and Twas glad of it. I've often
felt like burning it down myself. l
don't ride a wheel, and therefore l
don't know anything about the re-
spective merits of wheels. I have
heard that the president is getting
stout. 1 don't know whether Bryan is
going to stand on the sixteen-to-one
proposition or not. The trusts don't
bother me little bit. haven't ridden
on the new electric line of cars. Maybe
Ill 60 to the Paris exposition, if the
walking's good. I haven't wasted any
thought on the lynchings down south.
The winner of the Brooklyn handicap
wasn't any kin of mine, and so I didn't
bet on the race. don't know whether
the Cubans are jays or not to refuse
those three millions. I did read some
thing about Queen Victoria going blind.
Ii they're going to give Dreyfus new
trial they'd better get move on, that's
all I've got to say about that. No, l
haven't got any personal grievance
against those two people for getting
married so soon after one of them was
dive reed. That's their own individual
business, and there's whole lot too
much busybodying in this country al
ready, and that, without my joining
the. bunch of croakers. I haven't got
9;limmering of an idea whether Rob-
crts is going to get his seat in congress
or not, but 1 hope he does. 1 ha vent
read the newspaper discussion on the
rem oval of warts. Idon't want a close,
but just a clean shave. Perhaps the
other barber that shaved me last did
shave against the grain. With these
few remarks, 1 beg that you'll"
At this point the boss barber stepped
up to the chair occupied by the pom
derous, heavy -jawed man, and said:
''Beg your pardon for interrupting
you, sir, but you are wasting a lot of
interesting conversation. The barber
who is shaving you has been dumb for
the past 12 years ..t T..
Then the ponderous, heavy-jawed
man leaned back, looking cheap and
small, and muttering something about
not, being $50 darned funny as he
thought he was" Washington Star.