Omaha daily bee., 1899-04-09
TOLD OUT or COURT.

To the list OF fervent compliments paid
to the court by defeated attorneys the fol-
lowing may be added:
II think our supreme court is a good leg
slativo body What do you think?"
The court rejected the correct view in
order to follow the id sentimentalism OF
a one-horse text writer"
at is one of the msfortunes OF practicing
before courts of final resort that an argu
ment presented on the facts shown by the
record becomes of no value by statement
OF facts manufactured by the court"
1t was in a Duluth court and the witness
was a Swede who was perhaps not so stupid
as he seemed to be.
The cross examining attorney was smart
young man, whose object was to disconcert
the witness and dscredt his testimony.
What did you say your name was?" was
the first question
"Yahn"-very acknowledgements
"John Peterson, Ell? Old man Peters
son, I suppose Well, John, where do you
live?"
where All live? In Dulut'."
"Now, Peterson, answer this question
carefully Are you a married MANI"
"Ah tank so. Ah was married"
80 you think because you got married
you think YOU are married man, do you?
That's funny. Now, tell the gentlemen of
this exceptionally intelligent jury who you
married"
"Who All married? Ah married
woman"
"See here, sir! Don't you know any bet
ter than to trife with this court? What
do you mean, sir? You married woman?
OF course you married a woman. Did you
ever hear Of any one marrying MANI"
"Yas. Nah sister did"
Judge ]. NJ. Hurt tells story in the Dali
las (Tex.) News on a couple of members
OF the Dallas legal profession, which goes
in this wise:
They were on a hunting and fishing expe
dition to Wynnes lake. On the day of their
arrival one of the heroes of the story, who
was at that time district judge, found a
canoe that had been buried in the mud. He
eXcavated it and found it to he in pretty
good shape. He washed off all the mud
and calked few holes in the bottom, and it
was good boat. 1t was a long, narrow
affair, and was evidently never intended
TO be built for two.
| However, when the Judge started out to
fish in his canoe, his lawyer friend insisted
| on going with him. The judge was sitting
in the end toward the lake, where the water
was about six inches deep and the mud
! about four feet
! Now, keep out of this boat" exclaimed
| the judge. "You will turn it over, sure, if
you try to get in it."
That's all right said the lawyer. 81
am an old boatman, and have fished in a
dugout many time, and you know a man
| has to sit mighty level in dugout.''
With that he stepped into the canoe and
it capsized instantly. The lawyer saved
/ htf,,sa iply Han
the Judge who was about fifteen feet Off
shore, was thrown in the shallow water and
| mud. He crawled out like an old hog
| coming out of its wallow, and when he
reached the bank he delivered his opinion OF
| the lawyer in anything but judicial Ian
| guage, and wound up in italics, punctuated
| with dashes and exclamation points, saying
| that he hoped the lawyer was satisfied. The
| lawyer apologized profusely and assured the
| judge that there was nothing intentional
| about it; that it was purely an accident
| and to show that he was sincere divided
| what clothing he had with the judge and
helped wash his wet and muddy suit. Peace
was thereby patched up and all went we'll
At the next term of court the lawyer had
a case, in which he .was very much inter
| ested, to come up in the judges court. He
worked on it very hard, and thought he had
! it perfected All during the trial he sat up
nights studying every point. He made
| long and very exhaustive argument, and
| thought to himself that he had a sure
( thing, but the judge decided in favor of
| the other fellow. 1t was great disap-
| pontment to the lawyer, and after court
had adjourned he called the judge to one
| side and said:
II told you out at Wynnes lake that l
turned that boat accidentally, but / wan;
TO tell you here and now that it was nten-
tional premeditated and done with express
malice aforethought."