The St. Johns herald., 1899-03-04
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 the campaign fgurer. What's aston lshingY "The singularlty of this plu- rality. .'-Washlngto Star.
 "Wonders will never cease. I just saw a stone walk" Pooh! That's nothing. I have often seen a brick building. g."-Philadelphia Times.
 Miss Totling-"Miss Sincoe was born with a silver spoon In her mouth" Miss Dimling (after a glance at the mouth) Tablespoon n?-Harlem Life.
 First doctor-Tve got to make trip out of town tomorrow. Second doctor Business or pleasure? First doctor Both. I'm going to operate on wealthy patient.-Life.
 "This," said MT. Filter, "is picture of the only girl I ever loved" How cleverly," said Miss Wyse, as she look ed at the portrait, "they do get up these composite photographer
 Stranger-Is your society here very select? Arizona Al-See them graves over thar? They was all filled by fellers
  tashuns.-BrOoklyn Eagle.
 You look dreadfully battered; how Is that" "Wife has been pelting me with flowers" "Why, that wouldn't mark you in that fashion" "Oh, they were in the pots."-London Judy.
 What became of Hyfiier, who made so much money manipulating stocks last yearY He's still manipulating stock. He's currylng horses in a West Side barn."-Chicago Tribune.
 Mistress (angrily)-"See, Bridget, l can write my name in the dust on this mantel-piece" Bridget (admiringly)- ''There's nothin' like eddication, after all, Is there, mumT-Roxbury Gazette.
 Mistress-"Sarah, tow was it that 1 saw you entertaining friends in the kitchen again last night?" Sarah 'I'm sure I don't know, unless you looked through the keyhole. ."-The Windsor Magazine.
 Mills-I have great admiration for the colors in the Spanish flag. Brills- Why so? Mills-Because they are the only things in the Spanish army that didn't run when our boys soaked 'em.- New York Journal
 Jill-YOu puckered up your lips so then that thought you were going to kiss me. Jack-No; got some sand in my mouth. Jill-Well, for heavens sake, swallow It. You need it in your system.-Troy Times.
 'Your mother seemed very much amused at the little story I told last night" he said, self-apprOvingly. "Yes," she replied, lever since can remember, mother has laughed when ever she has heard that story"
 "Dld you find the snakes pretty thick down there? Not very thick, but some of them were pretty long," "Oh, you know what l mean! Were there many round?' "'Cylndricar would be a better word. ."-BOston Transcript.
 First swell pretending to mistake for q waiter a rival whom he sees standing In dress clothes at the cloak-room of the theater)-Ah! have you programf Second swell (up to snUff)-Thanks, my man; got one from the other fellow Bits.
 Cumso-Well, Cawker, did you name your new baby George Dewey? Cawk- er-No. CumSo-YOu told me that was your intention. Cawker-Yes. Cumso- Then why didn't you? Cawker-We de- cided, upon second thoughts, to name her Elizabeth.-Bazar.
 Customer (severely)-"Do you sell diseased meat here" Butcher (bland ly)-"Worse than that" Customer lex citedly)-"Mercy on us! How can that be possible?" Butcher (cOnfidentially) -"The meat sell is dead-absolutely dead, sir" Customer (sheepiShly)- "Ohr-Tid-Bits.
 "Plugger's dramatic school is mak- Ing a winning, I hear" Il should rather guess. It is the most complete plant for the manufacture of actors ever installed. Why, he even has hundred Heet of genuine railroad tracks to teach them the true dramatic stride" Indianapolis Journal.
 "Say, pa," queried Willie, the other morning while preparing his geography lesson, "how many motions has the sarth?" "I don't know, Willie" re uAied the fond parent, as he bound a towel soaked in icewater about hls throbbing brow; "but they're numer- ous. quite rous."-Chicago News.
 say" said the bookkeeper, address ing the cashier, and winking knowingly at the office boy, do you know any thing about this new stamp-tax" Sure" replied the cashier; what do VOu want to knowY Suppose" con- tinued the bOokkeeper, that l wanted to express my opinion, would l have to stamp the express receipt" "Un- doubtedly," answered the cashier; "but if you will allow me, l would suggest that you forward your opinions by mail" And why by mailf' asked the autocrat of the ledger. Because" re- piled the cashier, "as they have no weight, it would be much cheaper. Chicago News.
 'sThis is MT. Pneer, Is 1t nOt?" "Yes, sir" You have rented a house front ing on Mulberry square, l believe" Il have" "Well, my name is Ferguson. I have rented the house next to yours, and by a queer mistake the man l sent to clean 1t up so I could move into 1t went to the wrong place and cleaned m yours. His bill, which l settled, Is ouite moderate - only $1.50-and l thought that if the work proved satis- factory on inspection perhaps you would not object to assuming the pay