Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1899-11-26
MR.. D0OLEY ON
PUBLIC FIcKLENESS.
BY. F. P. DUNE
(Copyrighted 1899 by Robert Howard
RuSSeIll


Russell)
Mr.. Dooley put his paper aside ana
pushed his spectacles up on his fore
head. Well" he said. Il suppose,
afther all, we're tn mos lively nation
in the wurruld. 1t doesn't seem man
ny months ago since We, Hinnessy, was
down at the depot cheerin' tn depart
in heroes"
~ niyer was" said Mr.. Hennessey.
81 stayed at home
Since We was down cheerin' tn de-
partin' heroes Mr.. Dooley continued,
IAN thryin' to collect what they owed
We TIL papers was full iv news Nv tn
war. Private Jawn Thomas Bozoom
iv Woonsocket, a mimber iv tn gal
liant an devoted Wan Hundred an
Eighth Rhode Island, accidentally slip
ped on a orange peel while attimptin
to lave thu recruitin' Office an sustain
ed NANNY con- tu-sions. He rayfused
to be taken home an insisted on jim
in his rig'ment at the rayciption in tn
fair groun's. Gallant Private Bozoom!
That's tn stuff that American heroes
ARE made iv. Ye find them at tn
forge an at tn plow, an dhrivin'
sthreet cars, an ridin' in tn same. TIL
favored few has tn chanst to face tn
bullets iv tn inimy. IT'S f'r these I'M
known pathrites to prove that a man
can sarve his country at home as well
as abroad Private Bozoom will not
be f'rgot be his fellow counthrymen. A
rayciption has been arranged f'r him
at tn Woonsocket op'ry-house, an it's
said if he will accipt it, tn vote iv tn
State iv Rhode Island'll be cast FIR him
FIR prisidint. IT'S at such times as
this that we reflict that tn wurruld
has wurruk FIR men to do. an mere
politicians mus retire to tn rear.
THAT was few months ago. Where's
Bozoom now; if liver We go to Woon-
socket, Hinnissy, which Gawd f'rbid,
yell find him behind tn counther iv
tn grocery store ladlin' out rutabaga
turnips into a brown paper curnucopy
an glad to be alive. An it's tin to
wan, an more thin that, that tn town
humorist has named him tn orange peel
hero, an he'll go to his grave with
that name. TIL war is over an tn
state iv war exists. If we saw a man
fall firm tn top iv a tin-story buildin'
'twud startle We, wanst. If it happened
again, 'twud surprise We. But if We saw
a man fall livery Is minyits ye'dl go
home afther awhile FIR supper an We
wuddent even mintion it to ye'er wife.
81 don't know how many heros they
ar-re in tn Philippines. Down there
man is ayther a sojer or a casualty.
Bein' a casualty is no good. l cud say
about man: He was a hero in tn
Shake hands with Bill Grady, wan iv
tn ladin' casualties iv our late WARP
'Twud be no more thin to say he was
wan iv tn gallant men that voted FIR
prisidint in 1896.
mo, Hinnissy people wants novel
ties in war TIL war fashions iv 1898
is out iv style They ARE too full in
tn waist an too long in tn skirt. TIL
style has changed There ar-re fifty
thousand backward men in the fair
isles iv tn Passyfic fightin' to free tn
Philipeen firm himself an becomin'
casualty In tn operation, but no wan
is charterin' ARMY hospital ships FIR
him. No wan is convartin amy steam
yachts FIR thin. No wan is sindin'
eighty tons iv plum puddin' to complete
tn wurruk iv destruction. They ARE
in a war thatd make tn British troops
in Africa think they were drillin' FIR
a prize banner. But tits an onfashion-
able war. TITS an OF war made over
firm garments formerly worn be he
roes. Whin man is out in tn coun-
thry with wan newspaper en- has read
tn authentic dispatches from Lady
smith an Harrismith and Willumalden-
meetin' iv tn Car iv Rooshia with tn
Impror Willum an tn fire in tn pack
in house an tn report iv tn canal
thrustees an tn fghtin' news an tn
want ads, an afther he has read thin
over twinty times he looks at his watch
an says he, Holy smoke, tits two hours
to thrain time and I suppose I'll have
to read tn news firm tn Philipeens.'
War, be hivins, is so common that I
, believe if we was to take on a fight
with all tn wurruld not more than half
tn population iv New England'd die iv
hear-rt disease before they got into tn
cellars"
9TH new style iv war is made in
London an all our set Is simply stuck
on it. TIL casualties in tn Philippians
can walk home, but is it possible that
amy thrue an well-dhressed American
can stand to see tn signs iv tn an
cient British aristocracy taken care iv
be their own COVER ment? What
says Lady John Jennings, Cher that
was tn daughter iv wan iy our BRAY
est an best racontoors). What she
says, will amy American woman re-
stdin' in London see men shot down.
she says, that has but recently played
polo in our very sight she says, AN
be brought home in mere transports
she says. Ladies' she says, lave us
equip hospital ship, she says. T
thrust, she says, that all iv us has
been long enough firm home to f'gget
our despicable domestic struggles she
says, AN think on'y iy humanity she
says. An whin she opens up tn shop
f'r subscriptions ye'd think firm tn
crowd that twas tn first night iv TIL
horse show. l don't know what Lem
Stisgins, iv Kansas, marked down in
tn roll, Private in tn Twintieth Kan
sas, Severely,I don't know what Private
Severely thinks iv it. An l wuddent
like to know till afther Thanksgivin'.
Don't be blatherin'," said Mr.. Hem
nessey. Sure We can't ixpict people