Willmar tribune., 1899-09-20
NJ MQIJlADS FU'N
HE CARRIED 1T.
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81. HE CARRIED TT. 81 IS. 81. 38.= y
He stood under the awning Of Bos-=
ton dry good store with closed um-
brella in his hand and the rain coming
down in a steady pour, and as he
watched the people passing with shell
ters over their heads he, turned to the
man beside him and growled:
r swell, we are curious people!"
eyes, sir, very curious y replied the
other, who had no umbrella and had
been almost soaked. r.
eve invent the umbrella. We manu-
facture. them by the millions. We pay
out our money and lug them around
and swear over losing them, and yet
sir, and yet" ~ :"
"And yet I left mine at home!" fin
ished the man.
''That isn't the point" continued the
other. "Not one person in a thousand
knows how to carry an umbrella. Look
at that man! He is protecting his
back and exposing his knees. See that
woman! Her toes haven't been struck
by a single drop of rain, but her shout
ders are as wet as sop. What's the use
OF an umbrella if you can't carry it so
as to keep the rain off?''
"Yes, what's the use?" echoed tn.
other as he shivered with the damp
| ness.
Some one ought to set up a school t,
teach folks how to carry umbrella.
Look at me, for instance. walked a
mile before stopping here, but do look
like a dish-rag hung up to dry? Feel
OF me. Is there any dampness on me?"
T. mo dampness and no flies, sir. You
know your business"
well, know how to carry an UNI
brella. Nine-tenths of these people
might as we'll carry fish nets around.
Does an umbrella held way off here, OF
| way off there, protect the owner? It
should be carried right here, sir
right here. Don't you see how am pro.
tected?"
certainly. Yes, sir, you could walA
mile and be as dry as bone You
have taught me something new.''
| "I'm glad of that. If I had time I'd
teach the whole town. Now let's see
you hold it as do. That's good. Now
walk up to the corner and back. Don't
lean forward as if you wanted to rub
your nose on the sidewalk, and don't
drag your heels a rod behind you.
Walk erect. That's the way. You'll
come back without a drop hitting YOU"
The man walked out from under the
awning and up the street, going at a
steady pace and perfectly sheltered,
and the other rubbed his hands and
chuckled. Half an hour later he wasn't
rubbing and chuckling. Neither the
man nor the 81 umbrella had re.
turned.
Hello! haven't you got an umbrel.
la 2" queried a friend who came along.
''No. I thought the great majority of
people in this town didn't know how
to carry an umbrella, but I was mis-
taken. The very first man I tackled
on the subject went off with mine, and
I've got to get one to get home With"
HE SUPPLIED A WANT.
''There isn't any doubt that I've got
the best washing-machineion the face
of the earth, said the petent-right
man with great complacency, as he
leaned back in his chair and jingled the
silver in his pocket. 1T does the work
in half the t4me-saves half the SOAP
any child can run it, and so forth and
so forth. Every respectable family
ought to have one, and the price is a
mere nothing"
"But the trouble is to make the peo-
pie believe in it," said the man with
the orange-colored whiskers.
That's it, of course; but I'm not
kicking. I was up in Connecticut for a
month last summer, and though I did
not sell single machine, was $3.50
to the good when folded my wings. It
was all because understood what the
people wanted"
''They didn't want your Washing
machine, it: appears?" =,
Not any. 1 never worked harder in
my life to make sale, but it was no go.
gave two public exhibitions, and then
took the machines from house to house,
but while everybody admitted that it
was good thing, no one was willing to
give up the washboard. Then I gave
them what they did want. ran down
to New York and bought "a golq-plated
watches and a pint or so Of bogus dia-
mond rings and pins, and the very first
sale I made was to the mayor of the
town. The folks just jumped over each
other to get at me, and the profit gee
whiz! had talked for three weeks to
sell machine, but it was no go. In
four days I unloaded all that bogus
jewelry on the same people, and they
felt SO tickled over their bargains that
the brass band serenaded me and a
score of prominent men were down at
the depot to see me off, - ~
Patent rights are all right J" con- &
tinued the man, as he carefully re-
moved The lin foil from cigar, s.but
II the public doesn't want a washing
machine, a Windmill or burgler
alarm, then give 'em what they. do
|, want. You can always hit 'em if you
study to do so, and by hitting 'em you
| can indulge in this brand-two for q
dollar!" 4 54ss@5ssr.:.ss @
A LOST OPPORTUNITY.
i II never recall little incident that
1happened to me five or six years ago
bin Chicago that don't want to hurt
Esomething or somebody" said the man
with the forid face, as we lighted our
!. .4cigars. Being asked to state his case he
b continued: &. ss5