Mesa free press., 1899-12-22

Help. helpv' cried the man who was
being robbed. "Calm yourself" said
the highwayman, Il don't need any as.
sistance. Exchange.
An art criticism: 'She'd look better
without SO much powder and rouge on"
Yes. She isn't so bad as she's paint
ed. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Mrs. Oatcake (readlng newspaper
There are $4,000 Poles in Philadelphia.
Farmer Oatcake-Gracious! What q
place to raise beans!-Philadelphl Rec.
ord.
"How long have they been keeping
hopseY well. l understand they
usually keep one until the landlord In
sists on having the rent"-Philadel-
phia Bulletin.
Freddie-It's always in, damp places
where mushrooms grow, isn't it, papa
Papa-Yes, my boy. Predicts that
the reason they look like umbrellas,
papa?- It'd Bits.
Physician giving advice)-Lastly, Nc.
CORY, don't go to sleep on an empty
stomach. McGorry (who is ailing)-No
danger av thot, docthor; Oh always
Shape on me back.-Bazar.
An Explanation.-"You referred to
your friend as dead game sports
MANI" Yes; he always buys his birds
In the market. Dead game Is his spe-
cialty. Washington Star.
Muggins-My wife insists upon hav-
ing the last word. Buggins-You're
lucky. In the bright lexicon Of my
wife's vocabulary there is no such word
as last.-Philadelphia Record.
The Misslonary-My erring brother.
have you been Christianized? The Ma
tive-Not completely. They have COB
bled all my land, but st IL have my few
clothes.-Indianapolis Journal.
Don't be afraid, Willie! Tigers al
Z ways roar when it's time for them to be
fed" "Oh, amt afraid, grandpa.
Papa makes a worse row than that
when dinners late at home. "-Jugend.
Lady Of the house Ito applicant for q
place)-"Why did you leave your last
placer" Servant-"Once l was caught
listening at the door," Lady-"Oh,
what did you hear?'-Fliegende Blat-
ter
"IIow did you manage to escape hay
fever this year, Clara!" Il didn't.
Papa managed it," How" HE said
he couldn't raise the money to send
me to- the mountains."--New York
World.
Bride Throwing her arms about the
bridegroom's neck)-You are my pris-
-oner for life. Bridegroom--lt's not i'm
prisonment for life, love; it's capital
punishment.-Sydney Town and County
Journal.
Mrs. Wiltby-'I am afraid baby isn't
.'ell, DEAR" Wiltby-''What makes
Jou think soY Mrs. Wiltby-"He
hasn't had anything the matter with
him SO long that I'm getting real wor-
ried. Puck.
An evasive answer: Ranker-"Befor
l accept you as sutton for my daugh-
ter, | should like to know how yOn
stand politically. Now, am for gold"
.Suitor-'"That's what I'm after, STRIP
Town Topics.
The Military Obsession: Superinten-
dent-Yes, and where did John the Bap-
tist live? Scholar-In the desert. Su-
perintendent-Qu!te right! And what
do we call people who live in the desert1
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Life.
I Tired Tootstrong- Madam, will you
please help poor, homeless man out
of his troubles?" Madam (who was
raised in the woods)-"Certainly
Would you rather be shot or hit on the
head with an axY-Norristown Herald.
Mrs. Bugg-"If you keep on being so
unreasonable l shall just have to go
ZONE and live with mamma" Mr..
Bugg- Stay, my dear, cannot be un-
reasonable enough to consign you to
such a cruel ,fate."-Philadelphi Bull
'letin.
Zones called up his first wife at the
think he said to herr" said Smith.
i"Goodness knows, replied Brown. HE
asked her If she would give his second
wife her recipe for mincemeat." Pick
tMe-Up.
The Parting: She-Henry, dearest,
il have at last discovered that ! love
you! He-Ah, you have heard, then,
that my uncle has died and left me
5000 She-Sir, after that remark we
must part forever! l heard it was fifty.
Judge.
Deacon Black--Dis amt no pussonal
:queschun; but IL a man steals chick.
ing am it propah fo' him ter say grace
befo' he eats it? Deacon Johnson
'Shuah! Amt he got two reasons to
tank de Lawd-fo' de chicken an TO-
not gittin' cotched Puck.
Nailed: RunnerIn-"That kind of
coat. sir, we have sold up to date for
fifteen dollars; we are now Offering
them for FIVE" The desired customer
And you've got the gall to openly adj