Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1899-10-04
JADE WON THE BELLE
YET HIS FACE WAS HoMELY ENOUGH
TO SCARE CHILDREN.

He Got Mighty Particular.
| II reckon Jabe Hawkins was about
| the ugliest man the Lord ever let live"
| said Uncle Ben as he meditatively
| whetted his knife upon his boot leg.
| I've knowed strangers to foller that
man around for u half hour jest to git
another look at his face an then go
| right off an take n drink o Ticker.
Seemed to kind o give 'em Il relish for
| it. I've knowed fool women To scare
their children into spasms by threaten
| in to give 'em TO Jabe, an they do say
he's been the cause o more than one
| runaway. He was jest piZen ugly, an
| that's all they was TO it. 1t was durn
| pity, too, because he was 4 mighty nice
man if you happened to meet him in
| the dark, an he had money in the
| bank at Maple Run an so acres o as
fine bottom land as ever felt plow.
| We'll, in spite o. him bein so blame
| homely that he daSsent look a woman
| in the face. this yere cuss was always
| wantin to git married, but, o course,
| they want no way to get at ii. He
| advertised some in the city paper an
writ letters to lots o women that way,
| but he was honest to the core, an when
| the thing got along fur enough SOS
| they might anything come o ii lie al
| ways sent his photograph, an that end
| ed it.
"Oncet they was 4 mighty likely
| widow from way back east that got TO
| Iikin Jabe purity we'll through his let
| ter writin, an l must say he was
good hand at that, before he sent his
pickshur. After studyin over his line
| ments for couple O months she made
| up her mind to come on anyhow, but
when she ACCESSIBILITY saw Jabe in the
| flesh she backed out an married ST Pc
| ter, an she made him Il mighty fine
wife, barrin the fact that she had Il
| 2O-year-old son that bobbed up after
| the ceremony an turned out to be as
shiftless as it's possible fur man to
git an live.
Then Ja5e gitS desperit. an he up an
offers Il hundred dollars reward to any
body as will git him pardner. But
that didn't amount to much. Ole Dud
Harris lowed he'd make his oldest
girl, Mirandy, the one that had the
harelip, jine him, an Jabe, KNOWN
his own Shortcomings, was satisfied to
git anybody most, but AIirandy took
epileptic fits an died before the weddin
come off, an folks all aroun said it was
Il Judgment on bud.
Then Jim Damn brung aroun his
half witted girl, an Jahe studied
long while over it, thinkin mebby that
if they was goin to be children come
with his ugliness they'd better be fools,
too, SOS they wouldn't realize it. The
girl seemed to take j fancy to Jabe
right away an wanted to kiss him, but
lie changed his mind right off, properly
decitlin that he couldn't stand anybody
that was as big a fool as that.
Things was this-a-way when there
was n hypnotiZer come through Maple
Run an give 4 show, an he asked for
people to come up ON the platform an
be hypnotizcd. Everybody most was
afraid to go till Jabe made the break,
sayin it didn't matter much what be-
come O. him nohow, an then five more
went up like they alluz do.
well, the mint this here hypnotist
took hold O. Jabe's head an tilted it
back to git n good look in his eyes he
give a funny little jump an says:
"T can't do nothin with you. Why,
man, you may not know it, but you
got more power than l have. If you
fix them fine blue eyes O. your'n on
anybody, they just nachelly have to do
what you say
"Then he let Jabe 90 an made Wash
Diffins fight bumblebees IN preten' he
was dog an do the most outlandish
things you ever heard of. | gosh, it
was funny, an he made some o the
others act up, too, but none so much as
ole Wash, an the next day he went
away.
But he made n mighty big change in
Jabe's life. Y'see up to this time Jabe
allus dropped his eyes every time he
see a woman comm, an the woman alluS
looked the other way. But now JADE
made up his mind to try it, an so he
looked, an all the women knowed
about it, so they looked, an they found
out that them eyes was mighty fine il
you looked at 'em so keen you couldn't
see the rest o his face. They was
mostly scared, too, since they heard
as how Jabe was a hypnotizer if he
only wanted TO be hathaway; but, o
course, that only made 'em look all the
more.
First of, Jabe didn't have the sand
to look at the best lOokin girls, but only
the homely ones, an it wasn't two
weeks till he could O. had his choice o
Il dozen girls. You see, they got to
talkin to him an studyin them eyes o
hiss'n, an fust thing they knowed they
was hankerin after 'em. But Jabe got
particular. They was a time when he'd
been tickled to death to have any girl
that wore dresses keep comp'ny with
him. but he KEEP raisin his idees every
day till fin'ly he sot his mind on winnin
Hetty Allen, that was the blamedest
purtiest girl in the whole country an
had n dozen fine iooEin fellers with
good horses an buggies an some land
tryin to court her, an blame If he didn't
git her An the funniest part of il all
is that there amt no purifier young
uns anywhere than them seven chill