The Wilmington daily Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1890-1902, 1899-06-20
MURDER IN;HIS SOUL.
PsTlFUL PLANT or the MAN WHO Is
BORED ~ sTATlsTlca.

Every Possible Occasion, rlinSs
Figures At Yoa Frees His Mind sad
Warns HIS Tsrnsaters.
IT don't think I have reputation for
being bloodthirsty man, said the leath-
or dealer from New England, '"but down
In my heart have the feeling that ! shall
break loose some day and do murder. II
Is man who will DO my victim. shan't
break his neck or shoot him through the
head, but shall prolong his agonies for
hours and get revenge for all have suf-
fered. You see, II has been going on for
years-my sufferings-and no matter how
patient man ls, he reaches the dead line
ct last The man refer to IL the man
who IL always chucking statistics at you.
He 10 TO be found on every train and
steamboat--in the Office Of every hotel
aye, even at the newly made grave Of
friend. have been ono Of his victims for
30 years, but I can't last much longer.
Inside Of the next 10 months you'll read
in the papers Of some one being torn limb
from limb by wild eyed man who looked
like o hunted tiger, and that wild eyed
man will b0 me. .E
II start from Springfield to run over to
Boston,, continued the leather man with
touch Of pathos in his tones. II ain
only comfortably seated with my newspa-
per or magazine when the man on the
sent In front turns and inquiriess.at what
speed the train is travelling. can't tell
him, nor would I II could. He hopes
that can't for he has little speech all
ready He smiles in patronizing way
and says:
"'My dsar man, we are travelling at the
rate of ~ miles, 4 rods, . yards, foot and
inches per hour. Should this train,
travelling at this rate, strike a Stone wall
10 feet and ~ inches thick the force Of
the impact would be exactly equal to the
force of wave II fest high and half a
mile long breaking on sandy beach with
pitch Of three inches to the foot
well, what can say to thatf" asked
the New Highlander. II am as helpless
as . man on raft in midocean. can't
dispute him, and your statistioian is q
man who can't be scowled down nor turn,
ed aside He has come to stay, and the
only way you Gun get rid Of him is to leap
from the train. was going down to Fall
River one day, when an old tooth began
to growl and ACHE was getting mad
and nervous about It, when along came
the statistician and began:
"'Did you ever figure up the amount of
arabic land occupied by the hills and
mountains of the United Statesp Well,
it's an interesting bit Of knowledge
find that If all uncultivated hills and
mountains were leveled off we should DO
the gamer by S1,294,3l acres Of produc-
tive soil Our farming population could
DO treblcd Our annual products would
amount to exactly $6l3, 82S, 242. II more
than at present.
"He was going on to tell me just how
many more turnips, potatoes and pump
kins could DO raised and how many more
gimlets, screwdrivers and corkscrews
would be needed to supply the market,
when I told him had the toothache and
didn't care to talk He was blutfed for
half minute and then he came back at
me with.
"'Tne toothache ell? Toothache Is
caused by the cold air striking an exposed
nerve You probably never gave thought
to it, but there are exactly $500 nerves
rldiating from your gums, and the OK
posture Of any one of these causes pain.
Speaking Of teeth, do you know what the
strength of tho jaw is? 1t is computed,
sir, that when full grown and healthy
man shuts his teeth down MS hard as no
can on pine hoard he Is exercising
force Of one horsepower. Every timo you
bite into a sandwich you use force enough
to open door. Should you yell "Police!"
at the top of your voice the air pressure
would be sufficient to lift one of your
shoes seven inches high When you
sneeze, you waste power enough to pull q
turnip out Of the ground, and tho force of
hearty laugh would drive q brad awl
half way through raw potato
~ had to listen to that sort Of talk for
an hour" said the leather man, and
was mad all through when / got to Fall
River. was looking for tooth foundry
to have the old thing jerked out when I
met benign looking old gentleman on
the street who asked me if | had ever com
puted the quantity of tears shed in tho
United States every year. l told him to
go to and be hanged but he laid his hand
on my shoulder in n fatherly way and
asked me to remember that the quantity
was exactly 81 barrels, 22 gallons, 2 quarts
and pint. Before l could get away from
him he added that this amount of water
would run a ten horsepower engine II
hours and 10 minutes, and that the energy
wasted in tho weeping Of the tears would
plant 9l9 acres Of corn,
II have had statistics shot at me and
pumped into me and driven through mo
until have come to have murder in my
heart. never could see why should be
selected out of all men in a car or a crowd,
but it is invariably the case l was in
New York month ago l was riding on
an elevated train and glancing over the
daily paper when a man walked the length
of the car to crowd in beside me and say:
amy dear sir, has it entered your mind
that we arc travelling at the rate of IL
miles an hour, and that If this train should
be suddenly stopped dead still each one of
us would DO flung forward II distance of SO
feet 9}4 inches9
II got away from him by leaving the
train, said the New Highlander, land I
wanted to kill him as went As said
in the beginning, the lust straw has been
placed on the cancels back. For 40 long
years havo had statistics hurled at me
almost daily and it is time that dabbled
my hands in blood. I start for Boston to-
day, and you just paste it in your hat that
the man who sits down beside me and be.
gins to tell me how many eyes and legs the
house fly has, how fast lightning travels
or why mud turtle can't fly is going to
get six months in the hospital as fast as
can give it TO him r'-Boston Herald.
Gordon's Courage.
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