The times., 1899-05-22
THREE QUEER DUELs.
In Which n Gentleman Hardly Knew
What to Do.
(From the Chicngo News.l }


(From the Chicago News)
"A gentleman, sah," began the colonel
after emptying his glass and wiping off his
mouth-'a gentleman who is at all times
ready to maintain his character as gen.
tleman by resort to the code will some
times run up against a strange affair.
In other words he will meet a gentleman
who is no gentleman and get the worst of
the deal Such an incident occurred ten
years ago when l had difference of opin-
ion with Senator Broadlaw of Tennes-
see. / had known him for gentleman
After game of poker one evening he
made sarcastic remark about my luck,
and the clock had not licked ten times
before l had invited him out Couldn't
do anything different, you know. When
you impugn gentleman's honor at
poker you impugn his general honor
clear back to his birth. Let slight OF
that kind pass without notice and your
reputation is gone. The Senator had
scarcely spoken. sab, when l replied:
"Majah Doolittle always acts for me-
Let your friend see him at once"
The Senator seemed TO be agreeable and
l went away delighted, but the man turn
ed out to be no gentleman. He had the
choice of weapons, and what do you think
he did, sab? Egad, he insisted that we use
hickory clubs and no amount Of talk could
move him. That Senator could SO bur-
lesque the code was felt by his whole
State TO be a lasting disgrace. but the
Senator himself felt elated at pulling me
down. l could not go out and fight him
with a club. To have done so would have
been to sacrifice myself. The only course
open TO me was to send him word that |
would dash my glove into his face the
first time we met in public and brand him
ac yarJ'
And you did so?" l asked, as the col
onel paused
well. sah-no. sah-not exactly, sab, ;"
he replied You see. sab, he was no
gentleman. The word honah' was not in
his vocabulary. He received my word and
sent a reply to the effect that If hit him
with my glove he would stand me on my
head. He had the brute force to back
him up. A gentleman does not look well
standing on his head. sab. The position is
both uncomfortable and ridiculous and is
certain TO be remembered by the public
to his detriment. Realizing that the SEN
ator was lost to all sense of honah, il, in
deed, he had been bon with any, l drop
ped the mattah and let 1t die out. Couldn't
be a gentleman and do otherwise, you
know. On his dying bed the Senator sent
for me, but / did not respond. He may
have intended TO apologize or he may have
had another absurd proposition.
And cannot say, sab, speaking as one
gentleman to another" continued the col
oneI, after a pause, II cannot say that
came out of that affair with Judge Beldon
with flying colors. Indeed, / remember
1t with anything but agreeable sensations.
had known the judge for five or six years.
I believed his standard of honah to be
high one, and l should not have hesitated
to ask him to second me on the field. One
day, while We were conversing in the most
amicable manner, the Judge suddenly re-
marked that he knew a surgeon who could
take the crook out of my legs. The in
ference was that | was bow-legged.
was not and am not. No gentleman ever
is; he can't afford to be. Even if l had
been, no friendship could have stood such
impudence. / looked at the judge in
amazement. wondering II l had heard
Alright, when he repeated his remarks.
Ten seconds later / flung challenge in his
teeth and turned away. / desired a duel
another bow-legged. even where the mis-
fortune exists, deserves death.
THE Judge did not send his seconds Aft
er waiting for two days I sent mine. and
what sort of message do you think was
returned? He would fight me, but only
in his own way He insisted that we be
turned loose in a 5-acre lot and use fish
spears as weapons, Fish-spears and the
code, A 5-acre lot and honah! I could
not believe that man occupying the po
sition of a judge would be SO lost to all
feeling, but such proved to be the case.
He even insisted on fish-spears with han
dies ten feet long, and he boasted that he
would transfx me like catfish"
And you were powerless?" I said, as
the colonel chewed at his cigar in silence.
Completely so, sah,' he finally replied,
MY idea was to horsewhip him in public
and force him to challenge me. but he sent
me word that If | made any such move he
would turn me wrong side out at the first
blow. No gentleman will ever permit him
self to be turned wrong side out. Right
side out is his proper condition and the
most pleasing one. As the Judge weighed
200 pounds and had hands like hams |
quietly withdrew from the affair and let it
die out. l snubbed him in Washington a
few years later by refusing to sit in a
game of poker with him, but that was the
only satisfaction | ever got. There was
one mo- case, sah-that of Captain Fair
fax. Looking upon the captain as a gen.
tleman ! sat down to game of poker with
him. Luck was with me, and / held four
aces to his four kings. He implied that
my dexterity was greater than his luck,
and | instantly called him out.
NO gentleman CdH aUOru 10 De called
a card-sharper. You could not destroy
him quicker to charge him with sSulking
on the field OF battle. 1t was with the
captain to choose the weapons and | was
sure he would name pistols.
He waited three days before replying
three whole days. sah-and then selected
empty beer bottles at five PAGES. 1 was
amazed and disgusted. / could not be-
lieve it of the captain till he had reiterated
his terms. He knew that as a gentleman
could not accept them. Whoever heard
of Bayard flinging beer bottles at a man
to avenge his honah, / treated his mes
senger with the contempt he deserved and
went hunting for the captain to offer him
public insult. | encountered him in front
of the cote house and struck him with my
glove. In return he knocked me into
mudhole and spoiled a suit Of clothes and
made me an object of ridicule AS n gen.
tleman, sab. l have had seventeen affairs
of honah which redounded to my credit
but as a gentleman / have also had three
or four Others in which ! may be said to
have crawiished. or at least got the worst
of it. No doubt the code is relic of chiv-
airy and the proper recourse of a gentle
man. but when n man impugns your honah
and then wants to fight you in a barrel
there is need of tact and wisdom to prevent
honah from becoming burlesQue and chiv-
airy from becoming ridicule"
ROmancing Soldiers.
(From the Chicago Tribune)
They are the falstafs to be found in every