Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1899-08-24
SINGLE COPY FIVE CENTS
NUMBER 3
belllte." with decidedly liberal tenden-
liens Funniest Speech.

cies.
Aliens Funniest Speech.
His most elaborate humorous speech
was delivered in the house during our
tempest in teapot quarrel with
poor little Chile, when General Harri-
son sent a message to congress which
discounts any prOnunciamento ever is
sued by South American revolution
ist- John came forward with a propo-
sition to enlarge the committee on for
eign affairs to IS members and in sup
port thereof delivered an Grafton which
for rich and sustained humor has new
er been surpassed and which placed its
author among the really great humor.
lists of the world TO be appreciated It
must be read in its entirety. 1t would
do the whole tribe of owls lot of good
to learn it by heart.
He VIII joke with anybody from
president to bootbIack.
The following anecdote of Allen
shows the bent Of his mind and his
modus operandi: One day a polite ne
gro with large eye expressive of q
natural flow Of language and face as
black as ravens wing wanted to see
Allen and sent IN his card at the west
lobby door. In due course of time the
member stepped out. He cast piere-
ing look at the sender of the card. who
approached him with an obseauious
bow. holding his hat in his hand.
Sab. said the eolored man, with a
bland smile. Il is one of yuh constltu-
ents. Brown is my name Hiram
Brown, sah.v
"Ah," said the congressman, bow
ing stiffiy, what can do for youY'
"Well. sab" said the darky, 81
wants TO git a gov'ment position, sab,
If yuh viii kindly lend me yuh valyible
assistance, and l came all the way to
Washington to see yuh about it. sah.v
"Oh, indeed. Under the civil service
or whatE'
Il doan't kyah, sab, whether it's un-
der de sahvice or not, jist so I git a
good and reliable appintment, sab,
whah can suppote myself wild beeom-
in dignity"
DO you know anything about as
traphysiology. meteorology, conehoIo-
gy or biology? Can you go back to the
paleozOie age and demonstrate in tech
nical Technology the anthropology.
fauna or zoology of that epoch? Can
you dissect the petrodactyl or the
iehthyosaurus or prepare a scientific re.
past of one of the pachyderms of the
glacial period: Can you reconstruct
for the edifeation of a profound pro-
fessor of bugology the bibatiye sauri-
ans that were seen by early navigators
in the dim dawn of the brazen age?
The darky stepped two PAGES to the
rear and stared
Il say, can you do these things or
hand on cross examination without
drawing a breath or stopping to
think continued Allen. IF not. go
back TO your district and pray for the
return of another era of Democratic
sovereignty with president pledged
to the repeal of the civil service act.
Hiram had been listening with open
mouth astonishment and a look that
settled into an expression of deep awe;
the sweat broke upon his ebony eoun-
tenance- He slowly pulled red ban
danna from his eoattail pocket and
wiped his reeking brow as the con
gressman paused.
"I-I-guess, sah." he stammered.
with an embarrassed smile creeping
back into his face; Il guess. sab. dem
queshuns is specially intended foh
young culIud pussons dat hab got dar
eddieashun in college. was bawn
too soon.'
And he walked away with a pro-
found salaam. showing his respect for
superior learning, while Allen resum-
cd his congressional labors with 5
I stern look of duty.