Hot Springs weekly star. (Hot Springs, S.D.) 1892-1917, 1899-07-14
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Were you on the 1iring-line during
the war?" Yes; 1 was one of the
cooks."-Yonkers Statesman.
Slie--"Do you believe the bowling Of
n dog is always followed by death?"
He-"No; not always. Sometimes tho
man who shoots ut the dog is a poor
marksman.'-Chicago News.
Ncd--''I ran across IL very pretty girl
this morning." T'ed-"Did she tlirt
with you?' Ncd-"No; after she re-
gained consciousness she had me ar
rested for scorching."-EXchange.
Fortune-tcller-.Your future hus-
band will be tall. have dark complex.
ion. and he very wealthy" The Caller
Now. tell me another thing; how
can | get rid of my present husband?"
-Tit-Bits.
Chappie-v1Averted tewibble twagedy
just now" Chollie-"No! How?"
Chapph-''Man said he would pound
me to mince-meat if \ did not give him
half Il crown. and l gave him half a
crown."-Tit-Bit
whats the matter, old nlan?" .Oh,
= w JNst lstl il NlustItSl WIZ IlIN Mlle.
We'll, forget and forgive II never
can forgive her: you see, 1 was in the
wrong "Then, in that case. demand
an apology.'-Harlcm Life.
The Mistress-"Bridget. l don't think
1T ooks we'll for YOU to entertain COM
pany in the kitchen the way you do"
The Cook-'Thanks. num-, but
wouldn't want t take i'm int TIL
parl'r; he spits t'baccy."-Philadelphia
Bulletin.
"She is Americas greatest actress"
said Mrs. Tenspot, speaking of a
t1flSedicnne whose name came up in
conversation. Indeed! Who says
so?" asked Mr.. 1enspot. THE man
who makes the pills that cured her Of
indigestion."-Puck.
What! butter and jam! Why, Ethel,
my child, we'd soon be in the work.
house at that rate THE w%orklouse!
Why. mother, Uncle Bob says butter
and jams economy" Economy!
How:" "Oh, the same piece of bread
aoes for both.'-Boston Traveller.
Now, boys" said the teacher of the
Juvenile class. who can tell me what
the dark ages of the world were?'
Il can, sir" answered a little fellow
ut the foot of the class. VERY we'll:
what We're they:" asked the teacher.
The ages before spectacles We're in
Vented" was the reply.
Hardacre-"Zeke answered an adj.
vertiscment whar they said they'd
Sand him n .h,,,I, o,,rn,, 60, 1il..,,
Crawfoot-''W'Lat did he gct:" Hard
acre-"A sample copy of the New
Light marked: This is the best church
organ published."-Chicago News.
Hicks-'Rarry made IL hot that every.
person who came by his fence would
touch it. and lie Won" Wicks-"Non-
sense! How did it %hnppcn:' Hicks
HE merely stuck up the sign PAINT
and OF course everybody considered
himself called upon to feel of the
fence."-Hoston Transcript.
"eemember II thing l am about to
tell YOU" said the successful a to
the ambitious young man. 1T is a
rule that is we'll worth remembering"
What is it. sir::' Mover do anything
that your conscience will reproach you
for. Hire somebody else to do it,
Melbourne Weekly Times.
He Gls they are seated in Il quiet nook
near the links)-".Alp You quite sure
we never met before this s%cason:'
She-"Yes; quite positive" lIe-"And
you haven't a sister," She-"No: why
do you ask?' He-"Wcll, I'm positive
/ Rugged that shirt-waist before, some
MISUNDERSTANDING Statesman.
Father-"Well. my son, what do YOU
intend to do for II living now that YOU
have finished your college cou,se:"
Son-'I think l shall akc up literature
as Il profession l'atler-"Nou should
v thought of that before YOU en-
tered college. Then l should have sent
you to West Point or .Annapolis.'-New
York Evening Journal.
Bridget Weading NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
you seen this, Pat? 1t seq here ,liat
wlin Il mon loses wan av his sinses. his
other sinseS get more d%evclyupel. FIR
instans. Il blind mon gets more sinse
NV hearin'. an touch. AM Pat
"Shurc, m it's quite thrue: Olive no.
iced it meSelf. Win Il mon has wan
leg shorter Than the other. brgorra. the
other legs longer, isn't it. now.'-I:x-
change.
~ cyclist who stopped at Il village inn
boosted about his abilities as IL rider
TO such an extent that the landlord ven.
tured to make ii wager with him.
Look here, minister" said the inn.
keeper. ''you can ride up and down
this road till the church clock strikes
four" Done" said the cyclist. Its
just three-tifteen now and the next
minute he was speeding down the road.
After about an hours riding the cyclist
shouted to IL OF the bystanders, of
whom many had assembled: II say,
has the church clock struck four yet:"
"No, you IDIOT was the blunt reply.
"Why. our church clock never strikes
ut all!'-1it- Bits.