The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-21
DINING WITH A DUKE.

Probably the most unenjoyable meal I ever assisted occurred--when 1 was very young, self-conscious man-sc young, indeed, as to be still uncertain as to whether l intended to be field mar shal or Lord Chancelor-and when was actually invited to real London dinner party at real live Dukes, an invitation which I accepted not without misgivings. Not that any sordid suspi- cions of the ducal fare crossed my inno- cent mind; but visions of unparalleled social success airily haunted my imag- ination, and I felt a nervousness as to my debut In society not unbecoming In youth of my tender years.
 This Hateful dinner party was fixed for a Monday; and on the previous Sat urday went down into the country to stay a couple of nights with a friend only returning to London on the Mon- day evening In time to dress for dinner. And now ensued one of the bitterest moments of my life, for as hurriedly unpacked my portmaneau, came first the horrid suspicion, and then the aw- full uncertainty. that my friends but ler-may dogs defile the graves of his anoestors-had forgotten to pack up my dress trousers
 Never shall I forget the anguish of the moment when this fact became pat ent to me- obstupui! I was tempor- arily stunned by the magnitude of my misfortune; and then. peaing the bell, I sumoned Anna Mrier the "slavey' of my lodgings, to my aid. Anna Mrier however, could do nothing but grin whereby she momentariiy courted death-but finally fetched her mistress, who, having been a ladys maid before she married butler and set up bach elor lodging house in Bury-st, St.. James's, proved of more assistance, Talk ing In the situation at once, she pointed out. with many expressions of sympa- thy, that the only course open to me at that eleventh hour was to accept the loan of her husbands evening trousers an expedent to which. after much vio- lent exception on my part, I was reluc- tantly obliged to submit
 Now MT. Collins, my worthy land lord, was middle-aged and exceedingly stout; was very young and correspon- dinghy slim; and consequently there was at first a gaping hiatus between me and the waistband of the trousers, but this the thoroughly interested Mrs. Col lins deftly remedied with safety pin. But even these luckless trousers seem ed to possess sartorial fault; those were the days when 1t was the fashion for our gilded youth to wear trousers of almost nautical looseness, and these fit- ted me like my own skin; they were suspiciously shiny about the seams, and above all they were at least two inches too short.
 There may possibly exist, though I doubt 1t, young men who, placed in sim liar predicament to mine, would make light of it. I am certain that neither my noble host nor any of his guests troubled themselves about the fit of my trousers, and probably the only persons who noticed them were the gentlemen in plush and powder who waited on us but, like the young ass that I was, I imagined that every one else must be thinking about them as much as I was. Nay, even when I was able to conceal the offending garments under the din- ner table I still suffered such agonies of self-consciousness that the good natured fine lady next to whom l sat- and talked so knowingly about army examinations, having son herself in