davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

would confound that of Addison in the
light and chatty gossiping of The
Spectator" with that of Carlyle in the
graver pleasantly of "Sartor Resartus"
and Past and Present? "All the
world knows" says Bryce. speaking Of
the Americans, that they are hui
morous people. as conspicuousy the
purveyors of humor to the nineteenth
century as the French were of wit to
the eighteenth" The type of wit that
we have in such modern Americans as
"Artemus Ward" Mark Twain"
Mrs. Partington' and Josh Billings"
is absolutely impossible to the British
and continental mind.
If we should trace the historical
course of English literature we must
begin with Chaucer. our first national
poet and author, as he entertains us in
the inimitable descriptions of 1.-THE
Canterbury Tales" wherein satire. wit,
humor and serious instruction are so
deftly mingled that we care not to at
tempt sharply to distinguish them. His
portraiture OF Harry Bailey, the genial
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27
EXAMINATIONS AND CERTIF1.


EXAMINATIONS AND CERrIF1.
GATES
At the end of the term OF scvcnteeo
weeks. series of questions On each
course. prepared by Professor Seymour
Eaton. will be published in the Viz
Ginian- Pilot and blanks contain.r:; the
questions will be furnished every sub
scriber making application for same
Two weeks will be allowed after the
courses close. for the receipt OF eXami.
nation papers containing answers
These papers VIII be referred 10 Il
Board of Examiners. who will assist
Professor Eaton. and as soon as the
work of examination is complete, the
result Will be reported, and certificates
issued TO the students entitled 10 them
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

sends to the level OF mere verbal trick
cry; to play on phrases; the use of
terms in double ana ambiguous senses;
to the art of punning with no higher
end than to display the elasticity of
language and show how in English, es-
pecially, we may say one thing and
mean another. We can scarcely con-
ceive OF Goldsmith or Lamb or Dickens
or Addison or Irving or Holmes as thus
INDUCING in mere witticisms as n kind
of verbal fencing. as we cannot con-
ceive of jonathan Swift and Carlyle
and Lord Byron ard our American Poe
aS carefully avoiding the wounding of
the feelings OF others. when they find
1t 10 their convenience. for the time be-
ing. To ignore them. Here and there
are instances where an author is so
ulscreet anu temperate ITS % iffu5t 7rttt
each Of these forms OF pleasantly in
unison. Such man was Douglas Jer-
rold and such was sydney Smith, while
vii, humor and satire were all conjoin-
el in their best forms in the pages of
Chaucer and Samuel Butler, Thomas
Hood and Mr.. Lowell
The object OF humor Is entertainment.
1t seeks to express. as Milton tells us.
in "TAllegro':
Jest and youthful joliity,
Sport that wrinlled Care derdes,
And Laughter holding both sides"
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

The Washington Post has the i'm
pudcnce to tell the people and press to
hush this fuss about Alger. We tell
the Post To so to-thunder The Post
and all the 1tlgor crew would be glad
to muzzle press and people, no doubt;
but press. and people refuse to be muz-
zled. or to swallow cmbalmed or mag
gotty beef-Eo matter il the Post does
like 1t and Algor. Buzzards flock to-
ccthcr
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27
HOG HEAVEN.

The Socialist never before had SO fine
q chance in this country for his pro-
Observation-Disclosures Times.
That is true. Corporations, trusts.
State government, and Federal govern
ment, are all engaged in promoting
communism and socialism by object
lessons that illustrate the principles
and practices of these isms. that meet
all objection usually made against
them, and that show that cooperation
OF labor and consolidation of capital,
combined for mutual benefit. constitute
u force that must be operated for all
equally. or fairly. or the system must be
stayed or destroyed. or else the people,
as body, must be epslaved and pau
perized.
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

Princeton University.

Note.-A paper on Matthew Arnold.
written for the Home Study Circle bv
Miss Florence V. Keys. Berlin, Ger
many. will be published
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

''"' .''''''' ''''''.' .....'...."3
Soon we shall have Excursions
Around the World in Thirty Days"
The world moves. but we seem to keep
up with it. Some day. however, we
shall take advantage OF the annual re-
volution. and diurnal turning around of
the earth To expedite travel in some
directions. if not in all. Edison, Tesla,
or some other electrician, will teach us
so to countervaii momentum and the
attraction of gravity, the force of air,
&c. that we may rise a short way from
the globe. remain stationary, until the
place we desire to reach comes under
us, and then descend
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

Verne's Around the World in Eighty
Days" represented that the trip was
made in the year 1873. by one Phileas
Fogg on bet OF sloo, 600. Many people
believed il n impossibility at the time;
but now comes the Russian Minister of
Railroads who announces the following
schedule as soon rs the Trans Siberian
railroad is comrletcd:
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27
THREE CENTS PER COPx.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES:

subscribers by carriers in Norfolk and
X:ciEity, Portsmouth. Berkeley. Suffolk.
west Norfolk. Newport News. for 10
gents Ter week payable to tho carrier:
1.y mail. 10 any place In the United
etates. postage free:
DAILY. one y~nr $500
si1 months 800
three months Loo
one month 30
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

ADVERTISING RATES: ADVERTISE
nents irstrtec at the rate OF IL cents Il
Square. first insertion each Subsequent
insertion 40 cents. or 50 cents. when IN
not allowed 20 exceed their space or ed
Sertse ether than their legitimate BUS
uess, except BY paying especially ior inc
z. Neauing Notices Invariably &C cents Ter
nme hTst insertion. Each subsequent IN
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27
Days.

From ST. Petersburg to Viadivo-
STOCK ....-.... .......... ..........10
From Niadivostock To San Fran
From san Francisco 10 New York. Az
From New York 10 Bremen ....... Z
From Bremen To ST. Petersburg -. IL
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

But socialistic or communistic gov
crnment. toward which trusts are al
Turing government and people without
intending or desiring to do So and to-
ward which they are forcing govern
ment and people by their very nature,
their enormous power and resistless
perations-resisilcss by anything less
than the combined strength OF govern
ment and people: this government, with
everything in common. is an unspeaka-
Bile curse, the hideous extreme, where
popular power meets and embraces the
extreme Of despotic power to the de-
struction of individuality. self-indc-
pendencc. personal development and re-
sponsibility. With the humiliation of all
the conditions that elevate and refine,
or permit self-rcspect, and the substi-
tuition of an animal condition of swill-
ing Stops from the same trough varied
only by roofing for Erubs and wallow-
ing In the mirc. \ hog heaven. perhaps;
but pcrdition for all men who have felt
the stirring Of a soul within them.
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

IN orcer t., avoid delays. on account or
personal absence letters and all cotnrnu
Mica, iNns for Tho VlRGiNtAN.PlI.OT
should not he addressed 10 any individual
connected with the office. but simply to
Tho VlRGiNThN AID PILOT PUB
LISTING COMPANY.
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

Ne cmpioyc o. the virS.nian-i'iiot Pub
fishing Company Is authorized tC contract
any obligation i'll the name OF The com
pany. or TO make purchaser II: the name
the PRES DEM OF THE; COMPANY.
Virginian-pilot. (Norfolk, Va.) 1898-1911, 1899-04-27

THE VIRGINIAN-rILOT is not
afraid o,spcal plainly on this subject.
1t has too often avowcd it's opposition
to communism and socialism on higher
grounds, for It's position to be mistaken
when 1t acknowledges that both these
schemes have every economic and
money-making ana money saving argu-
ment in their favor. The very ficrcest,
loudest and extremist opponents of So
cialism and communism while still
holding that attitude of opposition and
protest. having quietly adopted the
principles and methods of these isms
in their business, so far as they apply
to production. commerce. monopoly.
competition, &c, are seeking to enjoy
the private and exclusive benefits of
them, at the expense of government
ana the public; but in doing this, vim
dicating the theory and practice of
communism as "a private snap" they
are also showing that government and
public must be sharers in the scheme.
rs it victimizes nil men and all things
outside of it. The trust Cor commune) if
properly and honestly conducted, is and
must be stupcndous success cconom-
ically: III making and saving money:
FOR ALL IN lT.-though of necessity
1t is cruelty merciless. extortionate and
tyrannicai to all not in it: it is there
fore n necessity that trusts must be
stcsnly held in check, or abolished; or
developed into n social commune, or
government. wherein all things are
done for all by ALL From the business,
or matcrialistic. or socialistic stand
point, the commune is Irresistible in
vincible and invulnerabie; and the trust
IS perversion of Il prodigious power to
the ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF the few.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22

you don't shut up I'll kick you out of the place
 The throat was useless, for the other was too far gone in hunger to fear Vio- lence He kept nagging and nagging at the player and finally got up and threw him bodily across the room. But the hungry one crept back and his first remark was about beans. With an ex- clamation of rage the gambler jumped up, cashed In three hundred dollars worth of checks grabbed his friend by the coat collar dragged him down two flights of stairs to the street and fairly hurled him through the swinging doors of the beanery
 Give this blankety- -blanked idiot three hundred dollars worth of beans. he roared, and make him eat every one of them
 Then he stood over the hungry one and made him eat beans for an hour. He wouldn't let him have anything to drink, not even water, and the hungry ones pleadings for bread and butter were in vain. He wanted to quit on his third plate of beans, but the other wouldn't let him. He made him eat beans until he could eat no more, and then he gave him fifty dollars and left him." New York Sun.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22
GAMBLERS WHO HAVE LOST.

Effect of a Run of Bad Luck on the
 Temper-The Hoodo Who Was Hav-
 ing His Shoes Shined--Attractions of
 Beef Stew to Hungry Men Before and
 After WinnngA Gamblers Full
 Meal of Baked Beans
 "I have seen some effects of contin- uous gambling in my time,'' said the old sport, but nothing to equal the af- fair I witnessed last Sunday morning. No one but a man who has gambled a good bit and has experienced Che same sensations as those which led my friend to such violence as I will de- scribe, will quite understand the frame of mind that he was in, but the old sport will understand it every time, because he's been there himself.
 Pete and I-Pete's my friend, and rare old gambler--came out of a gambling house on--well we'll say Forty third street, last Sunday morn- ing and started for a Turkish bath. Pete had been playing all night, first the wheel, then the tiger and finally poker, and he had lost a good bit of money. As we reached the corner of Sixth avenue, Pete spied a well-dressed young man seated in a bootblack's chair getting his shoes shined. Before l knew what he was going to do, he strode forward, pasted that fellow one
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22
4 LITTLE TOO GOLDEN.

Mayor Jones of Toledo is also called Golden Rule Jones. He believes in do- ing unto others as he would have others do unto him, and his practice not in- frequently, so they say, accords with ms belief. But there can be too much even of good thing, and Golden Rule Jones has made at least one applica- ton of his belief which will be regarded as too much by most sensible people. He took away the Toledo policemen's clubs some time ago, and gave them canes instead He is now considering taking away their reVolvers He de- clares that he would not be afraid to patrol any district in the city without either club or revolver, depending sole ly on the love and patriotism of the people behind me for protection" and he thinks he could make better record on the beat on this plan than any one who carried the usual weapons.
 There are toughs and criminals in Toledo who will appreciate Golden Rule Jones idea of doing unto them as he would have them do unto him and other good citizens, but until the leopard changes his spots it will not be very wise for Toledo's policemen to be de- prived of all means of defending them- selves and other people.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22
THE DEMOCRATIC PROGR4 MWE.

i Although the Democrats of Massa-
 chusetts are not as interesting as they
 used to be in Ben Buffers time they are still interesting. They held a lively convention at Boston yesterday and among their other deeds they adopted a platform In that platform they in innate that the Chicago platform is as glorious and sound a document as the constitution of the United States, and ration of independence. it standa an a part of the fundamental code of Dem- ocratic government. Particularly, they
 say "do we reiterate our belief in the financial plank of the Chicago plat form, and renew our demand for the
 free and unlimited coinage of both gold and silver at the ratio of 16 to 1.'' Hav- ing done this imperative and solemn yet pleasing duty they go on to minor mat ters. They denounce unqualifedly the purpose of the Republican party to surrender to banks the governmental function of issuing paper money and controlling it's volume. They call our performances in the Philippines "crim- inal aggression and they demand that we say to the Filipinos that they are and of right ought to be free and inde- pendent. Back of the gaudy trappings of imperialism turks the less spectacu- lar but more terrifying form of militar- Democrats say, and isn't it fine? They denounce the giving of aid to monop- olistic corporations to overawe work ingmen in time of labor dissensions They are properly but not very vio- lently down on trusts They denounce the proposed lease of the Boston and Albany railroad. They favor the ini- tiative and referendum the election of United States senators by the people, an eight-hour work day, and public ownership and operation of street rail- roads, waterworks and other munich pal enterprises. And last, but not least, they love the Hon. William Jen- nngs Bryan and are going, to be true to him.
 As Massachusetts Democrats are much like other Democrats the pro gramme they have made out will prob ably be the general programme. It is bold and comprehensive one. It ia especially bold in regard to silver It takes courage, or at least gall, to talk about 16 to 1 in these days. But the Democratic party has never lack ed gall.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22

edged with bias folds of the stuff. Elm bloidery of white silk threads and black soutache supplied further orna- mentation. Yoke and collar were white silk banded with. black.
 This boa was another tentative offer. Though women have sWathed their threats of late as faithfully as ever, they have avoided boas, and the feath- cred sort appears occasionally only to be downed promptly. This one was a dainty trit1e of black chiffon ornament ed with rosettes. It was decorative and apparently distinct addition to a simple dress, but like the servant girl who comes with her belongings tied in handkerchief, 1t appears lon trial.''
 A new accessory that has already won acceptance succeeded because wo- men have given up using irons on their hair and are doing it up at night. It Is a new-fangled night cap, though it is, perhaps unfair to depreciate 1t, since none need wear it who does not wish to. The cap is made of befrilled muslin and fits the head close. There Is a little frill at the neck, and an- other is shaped becomingly about the face. Such a night cap makes pretty face more attractive, and certainly than with her hair in papers. The caps are usually white, though night wear of white trimmed with blue, pink, or dresden lowered lawn, may have caps to match FLORETTE
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22
DIFFER EN7.
Wife-You are so different Husband-How, my love? Wife-Well you are so indifferer

Wife--You are so different! Husband-How, my love?
 Wife-Well, you are so indifferent!- Detroit Journal.
 "Flossie, who is this Kruger the newspapers talk about so much?"
 1T can't think; may be he was one of our vice presidents. Chicago Record.
 Friend-"Hey, Johnny, wot yer pinched fer?" Johnny-"It was fer fightin', but it may be fer murder by dis time l aint heard how me victim is.'-New York Journal
 Pugilist Fitzbiffery (disgustedly)- Say, Mike, dis yacht -visitin' bizniz is a regular fake. I came aboard dis yacht to see de ''spars' an now find out dat dey haint no one goin' ter "spar. Judge.
 Teacher-"W Which one of you can tell me who Delilah was?" Johnny Jones --'I kin, mum" Teacher-"Well done, Johnny; now who was Delilah?" John ny-"A female barber, mum. "-Ohio State Journal.
 When I was about to propose to Miss Miggles she stopped me-
 W nat TOT!
 we were going to play golf, and she said she couldn't risk falling down in her play."-Chicago Record
 "Of course, Nora you know that marriage is very serious thing" said Mrs. Frothingham to her cook, who had told her that she was about to set up housekeeping for herself.
 "yaS'm I know that n ren1ied Nova "but it isn't half so serious as being eingle "-Harper's Bazar.
 Jim is an ingenious fellow He spent half the summer building cottage on his new lake shore tract. It is a pret- ty cottage, too. He's covered the out side of the ground story with terra firma.''
 You mean terra cotta."
 "I don't. l mean mud. "-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22
ADVERTISING RATES.

Situations, Wants. Rents. and other sna' advertisements, One Cent Word eacn ih- sertlon. Five Cents a Word for full week tseven tlmes).
 Display advertisements, per inch. one ID, tn sertIon, $1 .2O each subsequent lnsertlon, n. fo cents; one week, SEQ: one month"; $io' one year. $40. ,z cents per line. Notices of Births, Mar riages, Dea ths, and Funerals. 50 cents eacn Loca! Notices. 15 cents per line. ..o,r
 Yearly advertisers are limited to .hItl ha own immediate business Gall matter 10 pe unobJectionable). and their contracts do not include Wants, 10 Let, For Sale. etc.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22
T11 11SHION NOTES.
Night Caps RenppeuT.

Here is a gown of a sort seen occa- slonally, and which seems to indicate that dressmakers are feeling out their customers in the matter of trimming. There are current very few accepted methods of trimming cloth suits, all the favored ones are inconspicuous, and in consequence there is no little complaint of monotony. But though the dressmakers are continually urged to do something novel, few of them dare recommend anything striking, and their usual response is not more startling than was this suit, which did, nevertheless, depart from the fashions that now prevail, Its goods was OK ford gray cloth, and both skirts were
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22
THE UNHAPPY FINN.S.

The unhappy Films aren't getting any pointment by the Czar of M. von Plehve, of the Russian Imperial Council, to be Acting Secretary of State for Finland, is regarded as sign that the recent Russian policy towards Finland is to be maintained, as be is known to be heart and soul in the Slavophil move- ment. It is also a new breach of the fundamental laws of the Grand Duchy
 which provide that all officials and functionaries of Finland shall be Finn ish citizens. It was in conformity with this principle that Alexander I. pre- scribed, in a rescript dated November 6. 1911, that "the Secretary of State will be graciously appointed by Us from amongst the inhabitants of Finland" In the administration of Finland there is only one Russian official viz, the Governor General, who represents the interests of Russia in the Grand Duchy. On the other hand, the Secretary of State for Finland is the only Finnish authority who has, in his official capac- ity, access to the monarch's person and who can watch over the interests of the country. If the Secretary of State in the future is to be Russian there will be difficulty in getting the views of Finlanders laid before their Grand Duke. It is true that up to 1S11 Count Speransky, who was Russian, held the office of Secretary of State for Finland, but this was before the final settlement of the affairs of Finland, after the ces- sion to Russia It is noted that M. von Plehve has not been actually appointed Secretary of State, but only Acting Sec- retary. This may mean that he is to remain in his office as member of the Imperial Council of Russia, or it may signify that the office of separate Sec
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22
Amt Clara-Why, Nellie. what's the

Amt Clara-Why, Nellie. what's the roatter? You look worried?
 Nellie-Oh, auntie; l don't know what +o do. Jack says he'll take to drink if T don't marry him, and Tom says he'll stop drinking if I become his wife, Chicago News.
 Romantic Tourist-"I suppose you have no interesting old ruins in this neighborhood?" Villager-"No ruins? Great Scott, mister l can show you rnore'n two dozen buildin's in this county that used to be creameries in the old days fore the trusts. ."-Chicago Tribune.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22

of Mining Engineers in England the question of the approaching exhaustion of the coal fields was discussed The annual output is now 200, 100000 tons, and, at the conservative estimate of a yearly increase of one and one-half per ed in fifty years
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22

A recent consular report from Con- sul-General Goodnow gives an interest ing view of Chinese character. He says that it is impossible to sell any thing to Chinese which they have not seen Automobiles are the article in question. They have never seen them and they cannot imagine what they can be like. Naturally, the average Chinaman has seen so few new things that it is not easy for him to exert his imagination Makers of automobiles will find that it is useless to attempt to sell carriages to Chinese or foreign CTS by means of descriptions or cata- logues. It is proposed that ambitious dealers make present of an automobile to some well-known person in Shang- bai making him promise to use 1t con stantly and prominently, so that the Chinese may become accustomed to the startling innovation. The place is an ideal one for motor carriages, the roads are macadamized and the climate fine.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22

So strong Dreyfus sympathzer is the Rev. T. T. Eaton of Louisville that he favors changing the name of Louis- vile because of it's French origin.
The daily morning journal and courier., 1899-09-22

A parrot in Newark, New Jersey, was claimed by two men, one named Meyer Posnek and the other Jacob Hanfler The judge before whom the case was heard put the parrot on the stand and asked it, "Who owns your" The par rot remarked, "Posey, old boy, let's go somewhere and get a drink" "The parrot is yours, Posnek," said the judge.