davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
BARON scHlmPF,s PHILOSOPHY.

A chip of der oldt plock iss usually
der same kindt off plockheadt.
Lofe in cottage ISIS all rigid ven der
cottage iss sitooyated at NEWPORT by
der sea.
A plack hen will lay White egg, budt
a shpeckled hen won't lay eggs NIT
bolka dots on It.
Der r-r-ollsng stone gadders no moss
budt i'd is nod so green as der shtone
vat shtoodt shtill.
A drop OFF honey cadches moro vlies
as parrel of vinegar, budt der vine
gar will lasd longer.
Won han der yorldt dond't know how
der odder han IFS, und ids mono OF
dere pizness. enyhowl
Absence makes der heart grow Won.
der. budt too mooch absence makes del
heart grow wonder of some odder vel.
low
Effery CLOUD has n silfer lining, budt
When 1t comes to extracting der sllfer
it ISIS chust as veil to know der gom-
bination.
Der wise man says dot beggar'a
purse ISIS always empdy, budt der beg
gar iss nit der only man whose purse
got dot tiredt veeling.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
THINGS TO KNOW.

captain In the navy ranks with u
colonel in the army.
Restaurant dining is becoming more
than ever the rage in London.
A farmer near Decatur, Ala, has
raised hog which weighs 1924
pounds.
Russia is said to own 100000 horses
nearly one-half OF tho whole number
in existence.
The population of England at tho
time Of the conquest did not exceed g.
100000 all told.
1t takes $4,000 tons OF paper to mako
the postal cards used in the United
States each year.
The first permanent military force In
England was the kings guard of yeo-
men, established in 1896.
The British revenue from spirlts Is
little in excess of 100000, 900 yearly,
of which a4.0O0,0OO is on imported
goods.
According to the census OF 1891 there
were about $4,000 people in Ireland who
could speaking nothing but Irish and
$4,000 who knew both languages.
While the wedding service is pro-
ceeding in Japan the bride kindles q
torch and the bridegroom lights fire
from 1t and burns the wife's play
things.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
Discovered by a Woman.

Another great 'scovery has been made
and that too by lady of this country
disease fastel.ed its clutches upon her
aud for several wears she withst00d it's
severest tests. but her vital organs were
undermined and csoth scencd imminent
For three months he coughed incesently-
and could not sleep. She finally discov
cred way to recover, by purchasing of
Tor Consumption, and was so much re-
lieved on taking the first dose, that She
slept all night; and with two bottles, has
been absolutely cured. Her name is Mrs.
Luther I.utz." Thus writes w. & liam.
free at John T.. Jacison's Drug Store.
Regular size soc and Sl.OO. Every bottle
guaranteed
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
yellow Jaundice Cured.

Suffering humanity should be supplied
with every means possible for it's relieI.
1t IL with pleasure that we publish the
following; This is to certify that | was
a terrible auifcre from yellow iaundicn
for over six months, and was treated
by some OF the best physicians in ou''
city, all to no avail. DIR. Bell, our dru".
gist, recommended Electric Bitters. mil
after taking two bottles, was entirely
cured. now take pleasure in recon-.
mending them to any person suffering
from this terrible malady. am grote
fully your, NJ. A. Hogarty. Lexington
Ky. Sold by John L. jackson, drug
gist, Tazewell, Va.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
cULLe3 FROM ALL SIDES

There are 10s women to every 100
men in the world.
Eight thousand carrier pigeons are
Kept for use in the German army.
Among flowers the chrysanthemum
La said to live the longest after being
cut.
A mans clothing usually has the but
tons on the right-hand side, a woman's
On the left.
The first postofflce was opened in
Paris In 1852; in England in 1851, In
America in ITO.
Some royal crowns are merely silk
wadded caps ornamented with Jewels
and pendants.
Vultures cannot discover carcass by
the sense OF smell. They rely entirely
upon their sight when in quest OF food.
The largest country in one body and
under ono government is tho Russian
empire. 1t comprises S,539,136 square
miles.
The wonderful part of the Maxim
gun Is that 1t has only ono barrel, and
yet 1t can discharge 600 shots In one
minute.
In Germany and Holland girls are
chosen in preference to young mon In
all occupations where they can be ad-
vantageously employed.
Corks for bottles were. first manufac-
tured in Spain and Italy, some time
during tho fourteenth century. Cork
screws were contemporaneous with
corks.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
POINTS AND MOOT POINTS.

Discount ninety-nine per cent. on
the verdicts Of envy, jealousy. an
tipathy and prejudice.
A natural fool ia far more respectable
than an unnatural one.
Preferences are temperamentaI, not
logical.
The human stock Is evil, but good is
grated into 1t more or less success
fully.
Life is a veritable fog, but divine
lights are visible-intellect, imagina-
ton, and above all. affection.
The. very rich and the very poor are
equal social and economical nuisances.
Human progress is tortoise race to-
ward perfection.
Our power to act is our center; our
progress is our circumference.
Brave hopes are prophecies; timid
ones are lies.
To regret not having sinned in the
past Is to sin with vengeance.
Life is see-saw, up and down-the
down is the safer part of the game.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
BLASTS FROM RAMS HORN.


The preacher will not reap wheat II
he sows sand.
If God gives you talent, don't wear
1t for q bangle.
mau may know the time card and
yet miss the train.
The dews OF morning are angels
tears for the deeds OF the night.
The smaller mans heart, the big
ger dollar looks in his eyes.
The mili-wheel may make the noise.
but the water does the work.
Too many want to have the victor'a
crown without the soldiers wounds.
1t Is c:ten the heat of anger that in
eubates the chickens that come home to
roost
Talk about looking for opportuni-
lies of doing good" We may as well
Lalk about looking for fire-wood n
forest or for water during a flood. The
world Is full OF auch opportunities.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
Order of Publication.

v Circuit Court. Feb. 81 1892
barnes Gillespie Guardian of Annie Crockett
VS..
Robert a. Crockett, William, Crockett. Nam
ME Z. Beavers Lcttic Porter, Lizzie Porter, lie 70
vcnia Kits; Margaret Morton, Capitoia Crock
cit, Eliza Crockettund Annie Crockett. the last
0f whom is an infant
SUMMONS IN CHANCERY:
The object of this suit is TO sell the real cs-
tate of Annie Crockett, an infant, situated on
Cavitts Crock in Tazcwell county. Virginia, and
being that part of the real estate of her grand
father, Robert Crockett, deceased. which she
inherited as the sole heir-at-law of her father,
David r. Crockett, decd, and TO ask the direc-
tion of the court as to the REIMBURSEMENT of the
money derived from the sale thereof: And 1t
appearing from affidavit on file in said Office
that Mamie c. Beavers, Lizzie Porter and Mar
garet Morton are non residents of the State of
Virginia, it is ordered that they appear here
within fifteen days after due publication OF
this order, and do what is necessary to protect
their interests in this suit, and that copies here
OF be publis he'd and posted as prescribed by
law. a copy teste:
II. BANE HARTMAN, Clerk.
FEVER IEsPIE. T. Q.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
REAL ESTATE AND
PERSONAL PROPERTY :

We have hand the following re urtes nd win .,,
ence with Real Estate Agents n otIe .s cions
MOL
snail tract of unimprov ed land near head o C;,o ,. -
no nu''iugs Price, So ''
large store house fitted for business Graham v with ue,ue
%~ WON" exchange for unmproed timber lands
n "a'Sn s fo. hr ao IN, Dwelling ; assb as
No No Would sell or exchange this properly. q"
a l"r% Of about $50 IAN HILL in Rich Valley
m ahoS sTeg new barn store Dous of ton
'n and churches near by Price $1,000 per acre on
NO. 8 ''''''''''
handsome and residence in the town of e0ao, ON H..
guaranteed ~ ' ""u snruDDery itlw
NO T. D.
aud rms easy. ~ c" good lot Prices low
~
east end of county and ' ehue situated the m
good watoraOous town Price, 5000 %S limo large orchard
e s % pur house sag lot spring good
" 3 Pn@an3s 1m. aS $1,000 We will
" ~er ysrd sGosh o d Of town good
h s"s Public road by This nice cIi,
& g farm OF zoo acres grazing farming land to exchange for
NO.1s-
Abu on Flo m;loa fr.,.
ono noSse oil rooms, good water good
rest -'oo UNo per acre. cas-
NO So
and tG .s Of %s Nar In
able dwellings, with ample "re
ed Tor farming land III South west w " ~
NO l5-
Penua mouse with nine and
acres OF good land suitable farm or market r anu ry
minutes walk OF station West ~ 'e
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1899-03-24
81 Tioi2jos, ID, S.
Over iiarfi<>"u', Store.

,sANr II 81 ERA. THUsfwni THY
" r.p - IL, this StAte 10 lnnnsc ~. 'ii IN, =
Ia .,tlr ,.wI. and ncaru ,ruui''s u = nt luN
O NO wu, /, cOnduci,d &c.. - =, '''ri; II;
no more no less s,iary Monihly .. refer
ences Enclose sclf-aloressed stamped env.e-
ope Herbert T.. Hess, Prcst, Dept Mem
cago
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
Rice's Trained Hog.

Patsy had one great failing-a lam
entabIe weakness for raw onions. 1t
used to amuse audiences greatly to hear
me lecture him on his numerous indul-
genees in that forbidden vegetable or
tell him to turn away his head when
addressing me because Of his breath,
or gravely say that he would bring me
to an early grave if he continued on
his downward career.
To such remarks the pig would res
pond by going to his little stool, put
ting his head down between his paws
in shame and keeping it there until
gave him the word OF forgiveness.
But cunning little Patsy went from
bad to worse. Besides frequent onion
sprees, he fell to staying out late nights,
after the show, and was often seen with
evil porcine companions. At last, at
Louisville, KY, he absented himself
entirely from an afternoon perform
ance, and only came back to the cireu
at sunset in most disreputable plight
talked with him about this gross
wrong-doing, and he seemed heartily
penitent. But the next day Patsy could
not be found. yainly was the city
searched for him. 1 was distressed;
felt that had been too severe in my
lecture.
-Four days later Patsy was picked al
dead in the Mississippi. We were II
doubt whethsr he had deliberately end
ed his life or met death by assault ant
after forty years | am unable to fee
sure on this matter. = Y outhis Com
panion.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03

In the life Of Henry Bradley Plant
is a story which shows that mercy may
sometimes temper justice to good effect,
by awakening in an offender loyalty
which be has never before shown.
Mr.. Plant was one day travelling in
baggage car, when he saw an express
man, in handling box marked Glass,
turn it wrong side up.
"Herer' he called 10 the man. THAT
box is marked Glass and should be
kept glass side up, as indicated"
eOh, I know it's marked Glass, y
said the expressman, "but | never pay
any attention to that"
DIR. Plant said no more, but later,
when the superintendent Of the Office
was alone with the man, he asked him
"Do you know who that gentleman
was who spoke to you about the box
marked Glass "
''No, sir"
"WeH. chat was Mr.. Plant"
ssThen that means my dismissal -
II think it does l shall have 10 dis
miss you"
Lister the superintendent said to Mr.
Plant. II shall dismiss that man, o
course"
NO. said the president, don't dis
charge him Call him into your ofiie'
and impress it upon him that that 1
not the way the company does its bust
ness. He won't forget it,"
He did not forget it. No more loya
employe was to be found in the com
| psny.-DetrOit Free Press
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
A Sewing Machines Captive.

While operating a sewing machine
at her home on West Seventh street on
Wednesday afternoon Miss Agnes Pol
der had the misfortune to get her finger
under the machine needle, which PEN
etrated it, says the jamestown Journal.
The needle became bent in the opera
ton, and il was impossible for her to
turn the machine so as TO withdraw It.
Being alone in the house at the time,
she was a sure enough prisoner, and
could not attract attention by her cries
for help for fully an hour. Finally Lii
onel o. Robertson heard her while pass
ing the house. He went to the rescue,
but could not turn the machine to re-
lease the unfortunate young woman.
A machinist and physician were sent
for. On the arrival of the maehinist be
was compelled TO take the machine
apart before Miss Folder could be re-
leased. The physician then extracted
the needle, and the wound will soon
heal, but the experience is one which
viii doubtless be remembered by the
victim for long time.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03

booking clerk had booked a half-fare
to Fazerley by the workmen's train; he
thought the child was with some work
men; he had seen one Of them lift her
into the carriage. At Fazerley the por-
ter remembered that workman in the
early train had asked him TO show a
little girl the road TO Langton; he had
put her on the way when he went to
breakfast.
The matron drove TO Langton; and
IL was only when she arrived with the
vicar at Mrs. Smiths that Don's alb
sence was discovered. No one th light
OF going to the little fellside cottage
until the old shepherd came through
the village again in the afternoon; and
by that time it was early dusk. There
was bitter east wiad blowing, and the
promise Of a hard frost; and the whole
village turned out with lanterns and
went up the fell. After some hours
fruitless search they were forced to wait
for daylight, when they set to work
reinforced by help from the country
side.
They found the children by the beck,
400 or 500 yards from the cottage, lying
in the heather, tightly elasped in each
others arms They were both dead
but the brown cloak of the orphanage
was around Don, and Il seemed as Il
Marty had been trying to keep him
warm.-London Speaker.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
Frightened by a Kitten

An innocent little black kitten that
strayed into the Lehigh-ave police sta
ton the other night created an uproar
that startled everybody in the neigh
borhood. When it entered the station
Turnkey Lamond endeavored to put il
out. Puss ran upstairs into the men :
sleeping room, where, not wishing to
disturb the slumbering guardians Of the
peace, it was thought best to let her
alone until daylight. That is where
Officer Ben Smith thinks Sergeant Nc
Nulty, who was in charge, made a
mistake and was responsible for the
results that followed. The kitten, find
ing it was not disturbed, crept up on
Smiths bed, and in few moments
cuddIed up against his cheek Half
awake, the policeman grasPed the ie-
line. and, with a yell of terror, began
to shout, ''Ratr' Every officer jump
ed from his couch and hastily began to
pull on his clothing. Smith jumped
around in frantic manner, audall the
Others Joined ia the uproar. When
LamOnd turned on the light Smith
saw his mistake, and peace again reign
d.-PhiIadeIphia Record.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
His Life Wa Saved.

Mr.. ]. f. Lilly, prominent citizen
of Hannibal, Mo-, lately had = wonder
ful deliverance from frightfnl death.
In telling oft he says: was taken with
Typhoid Fever, that ran into Pnenmo-
MIA. My lungs became hardened l
was so weak | couldn't even sit up in
bed. Nothing helped me. l expected
TO soon die OF Consumption, when l
heard of DIR. Kings New Discovery.
One bottle gave great relief. con-
tinued to use it, and now am well and
strong, l can't say too much in its
praise.u This marvellous medicine Is
the surest and quickest cure in the
world for all Throat aud Lung Trouble.
Regular size soc. aud Sl0o. Trial
bottles free at ]. n. Snyder's Drus
Store, Somerset, Pa, and c. w. Bral
Iier's Drug Store. Berlin, Pa ever,
bottle guaranteed
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
She Got Even

One day a smart young man got
long piece Of ribbon paper out OF a
stock ticker aud wrote letter on Il to
his girl, says the Kansas City Star. As
he wrote he rolled the paper up so that
the outside Of the roll contained the
closing remarks Of the letter, which
were:
"Of course you will not repeat what
1 have told you in this letter about
Helen. II was given to me in strictest
confidence, and | wouldn't think OF
telling any one except you"
To find out what this was the girl
was compelled to unwind the letter and
wind it up again, starting at the end
But she could find nothing in it about
Helen, although she read il twice very
carefully, and looked along the back
from one end to the other. And it was
a most bothersome letter to read.
She brooded over that letter several
days planning her revenge. At length
she came to decision. She got large
square piece Of cardboard and started
her letter in the very centre OF it, writ
ing ia an overwhelming circle Her
very first sentence was:
Dear Jack If you persevere in read
ing this letter you will find in it some
thing you greatly wish to know. II
you do not read it you will never
know it."
There was something he did wish tC
know. and only she could tell him, 81
he buckled down to it. At first h'
turned the paper around slowly as h'
read, and in a few minutes almost top
pIed over with dizziness He rested
and tried it again, but was eompelle'
TO stop, for his eyes burned and hi
head aehed. After another rest IA
placed it ON the floor, and, stoOpinl
over, walked slowly around it, readinl
as he went. The first evening he va
compelled to stop before he had hal
finished it and before he had come
the desired information.
The following night he tackled
again, and in the course Of an hour
work, as hard as any he had ever al
tempted, he came upon this sentene
almost near the end: "This is what
wanted to tell you: Don't ever sgsi
try to be funny with mel can &c
even with you every time"
The young man didn't finish the lei
ter, but he vowed to himself that b
never would try to be funny at her e'
pense in the future.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
No Right to Ugliness.

The woman who is lovely in face
form aud temper will always have
friends, but one who would be attract
i've must keep her health If she Is
weak, sickly and all run down, she
will be nervous and irritable. If she
has constipation or kidney trouble, her
impure blood will cause pimples,
blotches, skin eruptiOns and q wretch
ed complexion. Electric Bitters is the
best medicine in the world to regulate
stomach, liver and kidneys, and to
purify the blood. Itgives strong nerves,
bright eyes, smooth, velvety skin, rich
complexion. 1t will make good
looking, charming woman of a run
down invalid. Only 80 cents at j. "
Snyder's Drug Store, Somerset Pa
and G. W. Brallier's Drug Store, Ber-
lin, Pa.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
WHOLE NO. 2492.
Useful Notes


An Excellent Eye-wash-Dissolve In
pint Of water grains OF alum, and
apply it to the eyes whenever they are
weak or infiamed.
To Brighten the Light Of Lamps
A pinch Of eamphor powdered put into
the oil Of lamps viii give bright white
and steady light.
Cement for Fastening knife Han
dles.-Two pounds black resin, !
pound beeswax; melt, then add J
pound Of finely-powdered and dried
brick-dust.
To Prevent the Creaking Of Door
or Gate.-This very unpleasant noise
may be easily removed by rubbing a
little soap or oil on the hinges
Save all orange and lemon peel, dry
it in cool oven, and II viii be found
most useful and excellent for flavoring
blanc-manges, milk puddings, etc
To make glasses polish well they
should be washed and rlnsed IN colo
water, and the water wiped off with
one cloth, then rubbed dry and polish
ed with a soft cloth.
To Clean OiIeloth.--CarefuIly sweep
it free from dust. then rub with acloth
dipped in hot milk, and afIerwsrd rut
with a dry cloth. Beeswax aud tur-
pentine is also good for polishing oil
cloth, and will prolOng its wear. This
is used in the way you would polish al
oak floor-that is, rubbed on with
piece Of flannel, and polished with DIR!
busters. Another simple and usefu
mode is to rub the OilclOth with ras
dipped in parafiin. Open the door
and windows after this. and the odo
will very quickly depart.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
Her Philosophy.

Guests were invited for dinner at lit
tie Flossieis home the other evening,
snd she was in consequences hustled of
20 bed and milk snd bread an hour ear
her than usual
@Here you grown-up folks, she sigh
ed. as she was laid away, "sre going to
sdx ap in your best clothes ali evening,
asd eat all those nice things, while I've
ee< TO go upstairs with nothing to eat
but old bread and milk. and go TO bed
carly. Never mind, ;" alter reflective
pause, latter while I'll grow up snd
thea I'Il have all the nice things and
vosrli ALI be dead. kansas City Star.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
He Didn't Want Much.

A number of newspaper men were
exchanging "reminiscences a few days
ago in Court.st inn. One of them,
by the way, was an ex-publisher; that
is to say, he once owned and edited
paper in the upper section Of the State.
One of his subscribers was William
Makepeaee Thaekeray Wellington, call
ed by his neighbors "Unele Bill' to
save time and labor.
zone day Uncle Bill walked into my
Office" said the former publisher. "He
placed his whip in corner and remov-
ed his hat. de asked If was the ed
itor. 1 pleaded guilty. Shaker said
he; Il am glad to know ye; when | was
a young feller used to do some writin'
myself
"Uncle Bill lapsed into silence and
did some solid thinking for several min
utes. Then he resumed tie conversa-
tion. He said he liked the appearance
of the Banner Of Freedom mighty well
and hoped it was not only bringing me
fame. but money also. Naturally my
BOSOM swelled with pride. The old
man said he had only a few minutes to
spare, and before leaving he wished to
ask favor. supposed that he was
about to spring little poem which he
h .d dashed off all by himself, but that
wasn't the case. Uncle Billy said: NJ y
son, want to ask you a special favor
Myeyes are not So seFSGg IS they were
and would like to have you print my
copy of the paper in type two orthree
sizes larger than you use in the regular
edition. Now, mind, don't want you
to do this Cor nothing. know it viii
cost you little extree, but I'm willin
to pay for it. Here's the money, and d
that isn't enough let me know wher
my subscription is due again and III
pay what's owin'.'
'sTne old man dove his right hanc
into his pocket, fished out a silver hall
dollar and planked it on my table, say
ing: There's the money. II that ism
enough to cover the extree expense, lie
ME know when / call in next sprinl
and I'll make it good. Pm willin' t.
pay for any little favors-' Before
could explain the impossibility OF his
scheme he jumped into his buggy an'
started off for Deep Hollow."-Brook
Ign Times
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
Bismark's Iron Nerve

wns the result of his splendid health
IuSemitable will and tremendous en-
erEy are not found where Stomach,
Live, Kidneys and Bowels are o0t oI
order. If you want these qualities and
the success they bring, use Dr. Kings
New Life Pills. They develop every
power Of brain aud body. only &c at
J. \. Snyder's Drug Store, Somerset
Pa, aud G. w. BralIier's Drug Store,
Berlin. Pa
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1899-05-03
Volcanic Eruptions

Are grand, but Skin Eruptions rob life
of 10Y. Bucklen's Arnica Salve cures
them, Old Running and Fever Sores,
Ulcers, Boils, Felons, Corns, Warts,
Cuts. Bruises, Burns, Sealds, Chapped
Hands, Chilblains. Best Pile cure on
earth. Drives out Pains and Aches
Only D cents box. Cure guaranteed.
Sold at J. \. Snyder's Drug Store,
Somerset, Pa, and G. w. Brallier's
Drug Store. Berlin, Pa.