davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Il IL the proud boast Of Archie Bruce tf1as
he Is IIneaI descendant OF the zrsse Scot
tish hero, and, as becomes man Of his
blood, he prides himself on hrs eoura1e- For
several months there has been in his family
q servant who has completely serrorized
his wife, the latter beng the victim and
not the commander OF her nerves There
was a terrible row between mistress and
maid Iass Saturday, and on Monday morn
ing Mrs. Bruce said to her husband.
Archie, cannot stand Mary Jane any
longer. Won't you please discharge her be-
:ore you 60 to business this morning. You
know how afraid of her am"
Certainly, replied Ir- Bruce with suave
courage, "eertsinIy. The croszese creature
that ever cracked cup or cleaned kettle
cannot cow ms"
The valiant Archibald sometimes sur
prises himself and his friends by HoaeInx
along on a stream Of ALTERATION Procur-
ing his hat and coat, he descended 20 the
basement kitchen, and IN stsnsorian tones
bravely addressed the servant.
Mary Jane, ahenf I must hurry of HOVE,
but, ahem.-3lrs. Bruce asked me 60 seII
you that she wants, ahem.-so speak to
you after have gone to the office. SAN
francisco News Letter
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

sconst sternation had not abated. Dalton
sat down toS break list with sinking
heart But His faithfu wife revived his
spirits She brought out the basket.
Dalton took The hint.
8 TIL try again, muttered Dalton, be-
tween his clenched teeth. A shout Of
joy arrested him as he started away.
with the basket on his arm.
Papa! ;Papa1 called one of the
children from the cellar. We've found
Madison jerks hiding in nest behind
the coal tt,{s.
""Dalton waited to hear no more. He
kicked the basket into the street and
fed rejoicing to his Office, He called
round at the executors place after
business hours and escorted him home
to view the cat and take dinner, Dim
ner came, first, and then, the executor
remarked courteously that, as mere
matter of form, of course, he would like
to inspect Madison jerks. Dalton told
one of the children to fetch the cat in. !,
Why, we cant get him up from tho
cellar, papa exclaimed one of :, the
youngsters: He's still hiding in the
nest he made .,t>2...,. i II ,fi..gs.
,..."" Don't disturb the little ones,' plead
ed the executor, we can run down and
look at him where he is, if you don't
mind s..t....s .ss. H. .s>.,
preceded by the children Dalton and
the executor descended to the cellar.
One of the juveniles more adventures
some than the others scaled the coal
pile and made for Madison jerks nest.
"'Pun him out, Oliver charged Dali
ton. There was a short scufhe, tre-
mendous splitting, yowling and claw
ing, but the victorious boy landed Mad
ison JeQks all right and held the cat up
to view by the scruf of the neck. go, =
DO you want these other ones, too?'
asked the boy. .... H.: ..;
=" DO I want what?' gasped Dalton.
"'Madison jerks kittens!' shouted
the boy, as he threw the squirming cat
to the ground and scooped from the
nest in the coal a half-dozen mewing.s
spluttering, blind. little .felines, the;
progeny Of the mis-identified Madison
jerks. We were waiting to Surprise
you with them, concluded the discover
er, proudly.
" Well. said sDal ton that night, j#as
Mrs. Dalton end deayored to subdue the
Inflammation q her eyes With rose
water, of course hate to lose the mon
ey, but darn cat, anyway!'" ,~s =
'And the 5000 year, what became
OF it?' asked the others. vf. /
:''You'll have to ask the, Society; for
Supplying Spyglases to Shipwrecked
Sailors, Sailors, /" returned the theological stu.
dent, passing his cup for the third help
ing.-N. Y. Sun.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

THE JuNEeue.

Thou stupid blockhead, LAUNDERING in my
~ face! 92
Is not the great world wide enough. but
&, thou . Il
Must quit the dusky night where thou.rt
at home
To dazzle at my lamp. and burn thy wings;
To blind thy google eyes with too much
And bang thy doltish head pgainst every
thing?
Thou meddling fool! thou'rt ever out Of
place. a.|.
No meetings. free from thy disturbing
buzz; = a.
No child too timid for thy soaring hum;
No lady's nerves too strung. nor hair too
For thee to tangle It, with scratchy claws
There, in my ink again!
And nows with pondering look and drab-
Thou scrawl'st rude lines across an un-
~ stained page. r.. p
And yet. poor thing! thou dost not mean
1t so; =.
The light attracts thee. and thou too
How like we are! This dazzling room to
Why. that's the sunlit world and We poor
Do bang our heads 'gainst every wall
of it, .
And wonder why they ache Our blunder-
r. ing feet
Tramp rough-shod over nerves that twinge
in pain;
We meddle daily with the mysteries, ?,
To frighten timid souls with buzzing talk !
OF laws of unknown things, and life. and
death;
We burn our souls In many a garish lamp;
And many2 page lies stained with
thoxghts more rude
Than beetles legs could draw, and less in
telligent.
And yet. from out the gloom of our first
The primal twilight of our ignorance,
Twas shining of light that called US in.
Pardon. fellow-blunderer! Mines the
fault,
Impatient of the things do myself,
Ihe fashion only altered. Bunderers both!
The one with open book and bruised heart.
The other with his broken wings and feet.
There, I'll blow out the light; it troubles
thee;
And here's bit of wool to dry thee on.
rest thee moment till thy dazed head
clears;
Then (there's the window open) go in
peace
And may the gentle God, who made US
both,
When next blunder in His mighty face.
Do so with me.
William ]. Long, in Outlook
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
PRe.EmRted.

Found" cried the explorer, as the
north pole hove in sight. II annex this
district in the name of my gracious
sovereign"
"Too late" murmured native, Ia
conically. "All this district is under
the control of the ice etrust."-PhiIadeI-
phia North American.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
black sea wrecks.

There is no part OF the world which
has such a black record for wrecks as
the narrow Black sea. The number in
sommessyears m hasEayeraSe In more than one
9 Nay, the greatest number Of wrecks
recorded in one year being 1875, and the
SMALLEST 134. About I50 per cent. Of
these vessels became total wrecks, all
the crews being lost. fN. 7. Sun.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Mother--I don't like the looks Of thst
boy saw you playing with on the
street to-day You mustn't p11y viii
bad little boys, you know!
Son-Oh! he amt bad little boy,
mamma! He's good little boy. He's
been to the reform school two times,
and they've let him out each time on 80
count of good behavior!-Puck.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Mr.. Rockingham--What. Trust my
daughter in your care for life? Never.
Why, to begin with, you haven't the
faintest idea of the value Of money!
Young Courtleigh-I haven't, eh?
Say, what do you think want to marry
her for, anywayeChicago Times
Herald. '@
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Required Assistance,

Klubbman (on getting home at three
a. n.y. = Special meetin' at clup,
m'dearsh, an (hic) really couldn't get
way till now.
Mrs. klubbman-And who finally
helped you?1Town Topics.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Has His ApprOvsy.

doesn't it annoy you to see yourself
ridiculed so frequently in the papenT
'sNot a bit, answered Farmer Corn
tossel. "The more they picter me as .
guileless hayseed that anybody kin
gold-brick, the better I like il. IL
makes summer boarders more onsus-
picious. Star.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Not to he Expeetea.

Magistrate-You are charged with
stealing dog. What have you to
say?
Prisoner (sullenly)-The dog fol-
lowed me 'ome. s
A1agistrate-But the constable says It
did SO because you had some liver about
you.
: Prisoner (impudently) -Well, a man
can't walk about without is liver, can
'e?-Tit-Bits.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Pilson-Are you going to take part N that
guessing contest
Dilson-Oh. no; they'd rule ne out as a
professional"
Professional"
weather bureau-OhIo State Journal
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Very Rare.

Adaline-When I marry I shall Sc
lect man who resembles an arc light.
Mae-Gracious! in what way? -
Adaline-Not to go out at night and
never Chicago Daily News.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
AgaInSt HaDx.

This slang is very annoying said The
solemn gentleman You remember that
time my house was entered by burziars
Well, yelled robbers with all my might.
and the people thought was yelling rub
ber' and refused TO pay any attention.
Indianapolis Journal.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
All They wanted.

One day an old farmer went into q
shoe repairer's shop with a pair Of old
boots that wanted mending very, badly.
On asking. the man if they would
mend, the shoe repairer; after d long
pause, said:s .stsl
.'Oh, yes, sir, theyswil1 l1lmend; all that
wants doing to them is soiling and heel
ing, and new uppers the lacesI seem
fairly good ", Spare Moments.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
A Cold Diet.

Tom-I'm afraid that Bessie's love
for me has grown cold.
Dick That's what you get for feed
ing her so much ice cream.-N. Y. Jour-
nal. .t|.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
His Diplomatic Reply.

do you think she would have mar
ried him if he hadn't been wealthy?"
"Well, you know, he understood that
if he hadn't been wealthy he couldn't
have supported her." - Philadelphia
North American,
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
SIi4hfIx Mfredx

Mrs. Henpeck-The Episcopal funeral
service is so beautiful, want il read over
me when die.
Mr.. Henpeek-CertainIy, There's some
thing in it about Here endeth the frss
pendent.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
AlmAxf n Model.

"Oh, mamma, I'm miserable. know
that I'm not fully in Harold's conf
dence. Did papa ever keep anything
from you, mammal y
Nothing - that is, nothing but
money."-Tit-Bits. - : :, '@
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Friendly Comment,

Mudge-1t is an awful thing to realize
you have made an egregious ass of your
self, isn't it?
Yabsley-Ain't you used to it yet2
Indianapolis Journal.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
To Accord with the Fact

"Will some one in the Glass;" asked
the teacher of rhetoric, 'sgive better
form to the sentence: John can ride
the mule ifshe wants to?'"
John can ride the mule if the mule
wants him to-" said the boy with the
bad eye.-Chicago Tribune.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Hi2 ChOiOR.

Angri Waldo-If you wuz actually
obliged to work, Bill, w'ot would you
sooner be?
Beery Billings (thoughtfully)-Well,
I t'ink in case like dat I'd sooner be
barrel Nv cider.-Judge.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Papa's Indulgence

George--Do you think that your IA
ther will consent to our marriage2
Ethel-Oh, yes! He has always.
humored my sil.iest wishes Cincin>
natl Enquirer.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
ThorourhIy, Bu.tne..like.

First Burglar-What happened the
other night when you fellows tried to.
crack that bank and were scared Off? 7
Second Burglar The watchman
drew on US ut sight Topics.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
His Choice.

No doubt he is a nice man.
And his wares command price.
But I wouldn't be the fee man.
I would rather be the ice.
Washington Star.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
G0ad Practice.

That our baby will be a physician
lean tell by his actions right now.
For, to judge by his present position,
His night calls are frequent, vow.
IN Y World
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Just an Even Thinx.

SUSt N lHVeM IA1nSseEg
IF could have had your money
without you," he said, "we never would
have been married."
"And if I could have had your title
without you," she answered, you'd still
be hunting for a wife."-ChicagoP Post.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Not What She Wanted.

"These cookies" said the dealer, "are
so good that you can hardly get enough
of them
"Give me something else" replied the
woman. Il keep a boarding house,
Chicago Post.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Good Reassn.-Grandma-sI wouldn't eat
that hard apple IN that way, WIiTie.~ Willie
= shouldn't think you would. grandma. I
wouldn either didn't have no more teeth
n you've got--PhiIadeiphia Bulletin.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Barnes Tormer-He who entsrsains the
tickle public, sir, leads dogs life
Stranger-You don't mean to- tell ne Tou
are the barker for the eshowz-Tndianaooirs
Journal.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
CircumstantiaI Evidence.

Husband latter the performance)-I
didn't enjoy the show very much; for
got my glasses.
Wife-Perhaps you did, dear, but
your breath doesn't indicate it.-Chi.
cago Daily News.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
PositiHe Teatf~o-~,

.You needn't tell me- averred Mis-.
Batchgurl, that golf isn't good exer-
else. 1t makes the young men 30 much
stronger .nthe'arms that that you can
scarcely breathe! Chicago Tribnne
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
! A Pressing Need.

The motor ne'er will wholly drive
Old-fashioned horses from the land,
Unless inventors shall contrive -s
! A kind that guides with just one hand
: ~ A w Bulletin. 2
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

mo" said the father to his undutiful
son, Il can't ask you to respect me.
When i think whose father i am 1
don't respect myself. = IndianapoIi,
Journal.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
There Are Others.

Askins- do you think of Van
Dubby?
Grimshaw-Oh, he is the kind of a
fool that whenever he opens his mouth
you can see right through his head
n. Y. World,
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Statistics.

When it comes to turning the tables
On people, one thing we've learned
The average table of figures may
Be on anybody turned.
Detroit JournaI
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

4ES3SuEy.
April Sd. 1899.
Pe-ru-na Drug Mfg Co. Columbus. o.:
Gentlemen-I fnd Pe-runa To be an
excellent remedy for the catarrhal at
fecsIcns OF spring and sumnser. and
Those who suffer from depression from the
neat OF the summer will find no remedy sFs
John ". Lyors
No man is better known in the financial
world than Judson W. Lyons. His name
ON every piece of money OF rscens date.
makes his signature one Of the most familiar
ones IN the United States. Hon. LYONS
address is Augusta, Ca He is member az
the National RepubIican Committee. and is
prominent and influential politician. He
y Particular friend of President NeKsuI.v
Remember that cholera morbus. ehorsrz
inIan.um, summer complaint, bilious colic,
diarrnoea and dysentery are each and ali
scataErh Of the bowels Catarrf il ske onIv
correct name for these afsecsious. Peru.na
y an absolute specific for tFIese ailments
Wnicn are 50 common ID summer. Dr.. Hart
man, IN practice at over forty years never
ioss single case Of cholera infantuEz. dysen-
tery, diarrhoea, or cholera moyf,Ys ard h.
only remedy was. Peru-na. Those delrsns
Iurtner particulars should send for free
copy OF Summer Catarrh.v Address Dr.
klertnssny CoJ0mbua O
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

So much of the happiness Of life depend,
on whether you viii give up your SOLO for a
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Bacon-'1 can't understand why your
wife calls that WagnerIan stuff heavenly
music Egbert-"Because i sounds Ike
thunder, suppose.-Tonkers Statesman
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Miss Ethel-"N Music always makes me fsef
sad: doesn't it you, Mr.. Sudss~ Nr. s.
Yes: but like tit awfuIfy jolly 20 feel
sad, don't y know"-BrookIyu Life
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Where He Landed.-Grigxs-ssw be-
came OF that son-in-Iaw of yours who failed
IN business about year aeos Has he got on
my hands. ohio State Journal
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Figures may not lie, but estimates ars
often misIeading.-Chieago Daily News.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

No man should be hopeless so long as
he has two good, honest friends-nis hands,
L. 4. W. Bulletin.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Automobile or ought not to mobile seems
to be the question at issue-CycIin9 Ca
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

The man who goes through life alone apn-
erafiy has poor eompany.-Chicazo Daily
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Retribut1On.

Two blades of grass he made to grow,
Where one had grown before,
And when ,'twere up to him to NOW
His lawn, he cursed full sore
Detroit Journal -
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
.Counfin.t ~. -.

AUNT Julia, do you think il is : d;..
grace to die poor?''
mo, David; but it's an awhile r..~
trick to play on your relatiyes.',-Chi
caRo Daily News. rs Us as 51i l7s I = 80 q J
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

1t Is good thing to be man OF one Isa-
providing the idea is big enough.-Rams
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Songs about the klondike should be Writ
ten in miner key.-L. A. W. BuITstin-
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
REGISTER OF TREASURY.

Hon. Judson W. Lyons, Register OF the
United States Treasury, IN letter from
Washington, d. c., says:
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Pious Female-Do people come into
the church on weekday to pray?
Old Man-Yes, mum; catched .
couple of 'em at It last week.-Sketch
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Her Enifanh

A victim to her wantonness,
Her folly soon is told.
She went to bed in her bathing-dress
And caught her death of cold.
Judge
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Favored.

Favored.
No wonder the mosquito sings
q While foraging about,
This life to him is nothing but
A grand, sweet free-1unch route.
Washington Star,
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

Customer want to get note book
Something that can carry in my pock-
ct to jot down my ideas in
Clerk-Oh - you want something
very small, ,then?-Harlem Life.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21
Needed by the Best and Worst.

A really good golf player must have
nerve" st... ,lt0 -.
."''And so must a really bad golf play
er. 1t must take lot of nerve to play
when you don't know whow."-Puck.
The Worthington advance., 1899-07-21

She Knew Her Lesson.
y He kissed the maid upon the cheek.
And when the deed was done,
The good books teaching she obeyed,
And turned the other one.
Chicago Daily News
Lewiston teller. [volume] (Lewiston, North Idaho) 1878-1900, 1899-05-20
? >11T>ZD1>1l}7) I)NS,

event that the Ceur d'Alenes have ever
seen. 1t was to meet Governor Steunen-
berg, Bartlett Sinclair, General Merriam
and Attorney General Hays and the Off
GERS OF the troops stationed here.
The reception took place in Pythian
hall, which the ladies had decorated pro-
tusely i'll color scheme which embraced
a prodigal use Of American flags. Fully
500 people must have come and gone,
during the evening.
Besides speeches by the honored guests
there were elaborate refreshments served
by the ladies, and music and dancing
as we'll.
Governor Steuneliberg, who, like all
the other speakers, was received with tire
mendous applause, made a short address,
Ill which he declared that ii necessary
| the present arrangements for maintaining
| order would be continued SO long as he
stayed in Office
General Merriam, Bartlett Sinclair aud
Chester r. Lindlcy also spoke. The re-
| ception was planned by Mesdames France
Burch, Tubbs and Goddard.
The ladies' receiving were Meslames
Sinclair, Tuhbs, Simons, Swinuerton,
fairweather, Wright and Baker.
Lewiston teller. [volume] (Lewiston, North Idaho) 1878-1900, 1899-05-20
An English View.

Commenting on the victory won by
the American troops at Calumpit, the
London Mail says:
The victory is all the more welcome
and all the more grateful to us because
We have been watching with deepest in
terest the effects of a political party in
the United States to humiliate the nation
and the government ny persuading them
to disgraceful aud cowardly retreat.
This neutrality-suspicious. i'll strength and
influence, but what it lacks i'll this direc-
ton ii makes up for by its lung power.
1t has gone to the length of endeavoring
10 induce American volunteers to demand
their recall i'll the face of the enemy. To
the eternal credit of these volunteers, be
1t said, few have acted upon this treach.
erous aud unpatriotic ins,igation. The
American people may we'll be proud OF
their soldiers. The men have been patti.
ent, enduring, steadiast, devoted; patri-
otto. We may regret the sacrifices which
they have been called upon to make but
this consolation remains-that they have
made these sacrifices fora great cause. .
Lewiston teller. [volume] (Lewiston, North Idaho) 1878-1900, 1899-05-20
Seeking Lost Treasure.

The story of two buckskin sacks full of
gold that were lost years ago on Hatwai
creek has been revived recently and some
fortune seekers are now on the ground
prospecting for this treasure Two strange
men have been turning over large areas
OF virgin sod and digging among the
roots OF trees OH the Clark place at the
forks OF liatwai for several days past.
They have found the shovel which the
tradition says was cached near the hiding
place for later use i'll digging up the de-
post The gold seekers have maps
which have guided them to the old camp
fire and to the shovel, and they are conf
dent that the gold is almost within their
grasp.
These credulous men have gone 10
great expense to prosecute their search
thoroughly. They have, among other
implements, a dip needle" recent in
Lewiston teller. [volume] (Lewiston, North Idaho) 1878-1900, 1899-05-20
Held for Trial.

The following persons were indicted
by the L. S. Grand Jury at Moscow for
completely i'll the Occur d'Aldne riots:
Ed Boyle, Dennis O'Rourke, Lewis 7.
Larson, Alex Gqtland, NJ. A. Finn,
Joseph b. Innrnan, A. Bingham, Charley
Anderson, Pat Aiudell, Robert Wilson,
Jerome Day, Charles Ross, Paul Cochran,
Gus Colsburg, {. Oleson, Wcnn Berger
Andy Hegmau, Jake Anderson, Lewis
Salla, J. Nelson, Erwin Edwerds, John =
Earls, John Erickson, James Matterson
Hoken Lindell, Gus Osberv, Alex
Davinovitch, Aufen Fagerland, San
Metritovitch, Emil Fosberg, Frank
Bingham, A. Austin, VIM Mcbride
Charles liage, Larry Ruliaca, Vide
Raveuovitch, John NJ. Finn, A. A. Mat
tison, Frank Harte, Nels paulson and ;
man named Armstrong, thus making
indictments against AL men
Lewiston teller. [volume] (Lewiston, North Idaho) 1878-1900, 1899-05-20
George Hazard Arrested.

George Hazard, democrats politi
clan known all over the the west, was ar
rested at Tacoma on "Wednesday on an
indictment found by the unitad States
court at Butte. Mont, for violating the
civil service law by collecting funds on
Indian reservations in 1890 Mr.. IIaz-
gard was released on his own recouui-
zance by Judge Hanaford for appearance
IN Montana in June.
Hazard has been for ten years auniuup
figure at democratic gatherings in the
state OF Washington, but he never had a
large following Neither was he in the
confidence OF the leaders of his party in
the state. In IS9, he led a movement 10
send David b. Hill delegation To the
national convention. When the state
convention. which met at Vancouver, All
journed, Hazard telegraphcd 10 iiiu
that the Washington delegates were SOL
idly for him. lie sent 10 Chairman Gil
man, of the democratic central commit
tee of Washington, who was then east
another telegram repeating what was
contained in the Hill dispatch.
Hazards doings leaked out, and when
the delegates Came over to Portland, a
number Of thera kept the wires between
Portland and the East hot with messages
saying that Hazard represented no one
and had no authority to speak for the
democrats of Washington. $. K. Flynn.
the editor of the Spokane Chronicle, sent