New-York tribune., 1899-07-07
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

"The American Hay Fever Association" says
| "The Kansas City STAR as, so far known. the
only society In the United States bound together py
| the ties OF disease. There is no diphtheria cluh
| or pneumonia circle or independent order OF rheu-
| matics or other organization where a common
| malady forms a bond Of union Only members OF
| the American Hay Fever Association blow their
| noses and wipe their eyes in unison Inc hay
Fever Association first heard OF a good many
years ago. when Henry Ward Beecher was lead
ing spirit and the gathering ground Of the organi-
| zation was said TO be the White Mountains, In
| New Hampshire Later New-Mexico was pro-
| claimed the sneezer's Mecca, and Captain Philip
Reade U. s. A. appeared as chief scribe. Now II
| is given out that Marquette, Mich, is the head
centre in place of Petoskey. originally selected and
| it is said that the fall meeting Of the association
| will see a thousand members in attendance
| George Washington is now hopeessly reegated
for having ba bies named after them Dewey did it,
Of ali heroes is up in the thousands, and they are
still coming-babies and names, too. II has been
Of seventy million bPD PeGe the abaT six Of h6 ne
AdmraIs namesakes & sno9G @ hes are eIebIe TO
| the honor but many girls have been named Geor-
gana Dewey and rev nave eIsS pee" Dewana Dooev
When the Admiral reaches that city the bureau oI
II ''n' is not improbable there will be regiment OF
| ro,nq DeweVs in baby carriages TO greet him.
| This is another OF the penalties of fame-CTroy
| Times.
Saws The Indianapolis Journal: "a man who
| vas IN Venice when the news OF the destruction or
| Admiral Cerveras squadron came, and who could
| NOT make out the Italian account very well, took
the paper to a certain professor who speaks almost
| perfect scholars English and asked him 10 trans
late IT, The professor did so In excellent style
! until he came near the end. when. with little
hesitation, he read: And the band played The
flag with the stars IT. and 1t will be very warm
In the city this evening II was about minute
before the man recognized the last piece
"Hortense." he said Il loved yer wunst and do
yit but it can't never be. A guilt has come be-
.Honri, Honr" the weeping girl in i1mIRored' you
longer in the same class It is fate We must
part l cannot marry beneat me" .o,. o,.o.
him? You haven't got rich suddenly because
TssrG 9 sSo @ e e ms gSu Honl S last e TndsF s a
and will be brave: will try to Is bear n it." h.r .,s
Then hSs hs eePPed Pnedns KISS up0" He' pale
My Uncle Bill druv the carriage what was hired
S w taSf SIways Temember you wit tender feens"
-(Chicago Tlmes-Herald
Professor Waterhouse, Of Washington Univer-
sity. 81. Louis proposes a new name for the people
OF this country. "At present. he says, there Is
no proper name that distnctive!y describes this
country Columbia and America apply to the
whole Western Hemisphere. The people Of Canada
Americans and might Justly resent the pretenson
which claims that title exclusively for the inhabi-
tants OF the United States OF North America. The
United States is an awkward expression. II Is
plural in form and singular in sense. II does not
afford personal or adjective derivatives United
Statesmen and United Statesan are inadmissibly
harsh United States Of North America Is
act designation Of this country. The first letters
of these words form the word 'Usona This term
ia agreeable 10 the singular In number and pre-
cise in definition. Its introduction would substitute
for the incomplete u. s. an address full and
exact that no foreigner could misunderstood IT,"
Tommy" said the teacher what is meant by
nutritious food?'
something to eat that amt got no taste to it,
replied Tommy.-(Ilt- Bts
THE Emporia (Kan) Gazette" told this story the
other day: Charles Mcpherson. one OF Roosevets
Rough Riders. was carried by Emporia the other
day while on his way homo from Las Vegas. where
he attended the Rough Rider reunion. lie
back here 10 take the train Tor Caddo, Ind. T. his
home. He wore his Rough Riders uniform. He
didn't have enough money to complete the trip.
He went into the Emporia National Bank and
stated his case TO Major Hood and wanted to give
a small check on his home bank. The Major didn't
ouiz the man. but said: That uniform Is as good
IN this bank as a letter OF credit. IL you show
YOUR right TO II. you can have anything you
want He produced his invitation to the reunion
and got his check cashed In short order. He told a
reporter for The Gazette: Say. that's old
soldier's bank and my uniform good as a
handbook
Horrors Of the Modern Duel-The lie had been
passed between the two rival scientists and duel
was inevitable .
Name your weapons" said the CHALLENGER. his
nal face denoting that Re fully realized the gravity
We viii nght" returned the other with cholera
microbes IN a darkened room"-tWashlnston Star.