Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-02-19
HIS TONGUE FROZEN.
THE OILERS HANOVER SIRE Is
NOW IN TOWN.
"THE OLDEST IHHABITANT."
This Venerable Rural Citizen Driven
to the wall and Completely Routed
ccdcnts a., BcIitfIe the Present.

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The old gentleman is well on in the
eighties. but he's hale and hearty, though
he surely does grow more aggravating
every day. When people get well on in
years they show all kinds OF little pecu-
liarities, and II you amt used TO em
they'll worry you to death. Now, the old
gentleman enjoys the distinction OF being
the oldest inhabtant" up I'm the county.
and when he comes to Richmond he sees
nothing so wonderful that he cannot du-
plicate it from his boundless store OF per-
sonal "reminiscences.
Folks say pa looks like me, though l
thank the Lord l haven't got his ways.
A kindly light peeps from his goose blue
eyes which peer out from lemon-colored
furze that overhangs them and his storm
beaten nose is ever rudy and glowing.
He has never gotten gray for his hair and
whiskers are sand-colored, and in cold
weather when the spray freezes on the
latter his hirsute appendage looks like
broomstraw with frost on 1t. His neck
perpetually exhibits the redness which
suggests sirlon beefsteak. And on his
honest hands there are callous spots and
horny protuberances which indicate a
life of toll. Several Of his fingers look
as IL they had been mashed with a ham
mer and afterwards became ossifed. Pa
never did shy at work 'ceptin' at Christ
mas times and just before elections. or
when fish were biting or rabbits were
In, ~. 10 IL. ~.
weather got hot or something OF that
sort.
AS have said, he is the grand reposi-
tory Of "reminiscences, and they say he
holds down the job of oldest inhabitant"
better than any man who ever graced
Hanover county. 1t is my private opinion
that nothing ever happened in the United
States without first arranging TO have pa
right on the scene Of action. If the old
gentleman failed 10 put in his appearance
the anticipated event was postponed, or
postponed itself. In 1910 three terrific
tornadoes. calculated to do untold damage
TO all sections OF the State, Sustained
from occurring. because pa had gone
down to Mississippi at the time to buy
some nggers. \ year later a frightful
earthquake, far worse than that disas-
trous phenomenon which occurred at
Lisbon. failed TO show up because at the
tins the old gentleman was sick in Gooch-
land with chills and fever 1t should be
said in justice TO my reminiscent parent,
however, that the sickness which at that
time disabled him was the worse epidemic
gf to- A
land. People talk about It to this day.
Pa is said TO have had the disease in its
most virulent form. and his name will
60 down in the annals Of GoOchland
county. He was here i'm Richmond when
cholera prevailed in the city. and like
wise became prominent during SINAI Y
pox scare. which terrOrized the town.
Many years ago, when he visited New
Orleans, the inhabitants Of that place
arranged a yeilOw-fever epidemic, the
memory Of which is to this day night
mare Other yellow-fever epidemics have
struggled hard 10 make name for them
selves. but pa sweeps them al aside with
a cOntemptuous wave Of his freckled
callous-spotted. ossihed hand, and says
they were mere burlesques.
When the old gentleman came TO see me
the other day ne brought bag OF scaly-
banks. a string Of partridges, some chit
lings. country sausage. and a coon-skin
for the children. His appearance was
signal for juvenile excitement at home.
The children think he beats Santa Claus
all to hollow, for Santa Claus never gets
a chance to talk, whereas pa never gives
ANYBODY else q chance 10 wedge IN q
word edgeways After the old man had
cleared his throat with gustO that al
most took the roof off the house, ana
in a rose-jar which he mis-
took for a cuspadore, he unwound WOOL
len mufficr from his neck took OF MS
and sat down IN VEL
vet-plush chair. which was intended SOLE
IL, for ornament. and not for utility.
Then. realizing that his massive, peg
soled boots were muddy, he took from
his rocket a one-pound jack-knife ana
scraped the mud from the soles on our
Brussels carpet When this operation
was concluded he swept the whole house
and the surrounding perspective with one
Of those silent. searching, penetrating,
all comprehending glances when Iuiai
citizens so frequently bestow on their
environments when in town. by thls
time he was thoroughly comfortable, ana
when he felt the genial warmth OF our
register. which failed 10 disclose the
.afTObe stove bcutalHf I4' -4'''- .N 90
am oracular tone: "We're going 90 nave
an early spring. l told Buck "a rur"i
,eighbo) So last week, but he's That /
bull-headed and muleish that he argued /
gin the proposition for an hour
THAT night the thermometer iell Is de- I
grees.
When pa came down stairs next day at /
i.9j A. NJ. he looked blue under the eills /
.so the servants say. and after hc had /
boxed around for four hours he got so /
bored he actually went ont in the back /
Yard and chopped wood. The truth OF the /
natter was the old gentleman dropped
In on us so suddenly that we Rad 20
make up his bed without the feather
mattress or the lOg-cabin quilt. It's
Wonder he didn't freeze. but az any rate
,e never murmurcd. True. he was very
about the hour We had break
asst and ate like a horse, but Otherwise
Ie was perfectly natural
7 remarked on the intense cold. ana ne
oocfed at the suggestion. when ! was
how we went barefooted on days Ike
pis " he sentenuously remarked. why,
ian minnows m be biting soon. I'm
,igbtv 'fraid about them pcsky fruit
ress tho. They'll be bloomin' and a
,ddin i'm n day or so, and some late
,ost might ketch 'em. Darn early springs
INFLOW"
And hereupon he lapsed into reminis-
o,cos and cited an instance Of one
nring in Hanover that was so prema-
me- That il came twelve months ahead
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