davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1899-11-16
Rice Balls.

Another way to use cold rice is to
season it highly, mold into little balls.
dip in beaten egg, then In cracker
crumbs and fry to crisp brown. Gar
nish platter of steak or ham with
them.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
PA AND FREDDIE ABOARD.
An Exciting Time For which There
Was Really No Occasion.

Was Really No Occasion.
As passenger train on the Hannibal
was pulling out tall countryman, in
numbered with four bundles, a scythe
snath, an ak handle, bag of bananas
and small boy, came out of the depot
and began to take his bearings. Up and
down the tracks his gaze wandered, up
and down the long lines of coaches
drawn up under the sheds, and at last,
as the rear coach was passing him, he
caught sight of the moving train.
Come on, Freddie! Thar she goes r.
he yelled and began to transfer some Of
his belongings from his right hand to
his left as he ran. Freddie made an
amazing record for one whose legs were
so short, and they were soon beside the
steps on the rear end of the last coach
There was man standing on the plat
form.
Hay, stop 'er, stop 'er!" cried Fred
dies pa "Put on that ar wind brake,
mister! Pull that ar rope up over your
head and make 'er stopp'
But the man only reached down and
caught Freddie, who was leaping and
swinging and dragging by turns in his
vain efforts to make his short legs
stretch far enough to get his feet on the
lower step. Pa held on to him with one
hand and the man on the platform
finally succeeded in drawing him up.
Pa slung the banana bag after him. 1t
slid on across the platform and went
overheard on the other side. Pa made q
leap for the steps, dropped bundle and
stopped to pick it up. The recovery of
the bundle took but second, but the
train was getting we'll under way and
was tails length ahead when he be-
gan the chase again. One wild squirt,
with his coattails standing out behind
him, reckless leap, and pa, too, was
aboard, but bundle containing an un-
dershirt had been lost in the tussle.
An employee of the depot picked the
bundle up, and section man who hap
pened by appropriated the bananas to
his own refreshment. The crowd that
had breathlessly awaited the result of
the rate melted away, and the depot at
tendants, who had been preparing to
PieA pa 'up Will snoNols, Weno apoao
their duties.
Half an hour later a very angry man
came prancing down the depot platform.
He was holding small boy by one
hand, and the ends of an Ak handle and
scythe snath protruded from under his
arm. ...
1t was pa He approached depot
official and said:
"Why didn't you tell me that WASH t
the Wabash? 1 wanted the Wabash
that's what wanted. T"
The official tenderly handed pa his
new undershirt and replied in the soft
tones that soothe the ruffled soul:
81 believe you forgot to ask me. -
Kan~as City Times
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
A Complicated Case.
sis SIippy good pay?"

Is Sllppy good pay! ..
"Well, if he is, Tanker, the dentist
ia the meanest man on earth"
ELBOWS that?''
was in Yanker's office when Slip
py came to have tooth pulled. Jaw
all swollen out of shape. Awful look
ing face. Fairly howled with pain. But
Tanker wouldn't pull the tooth with
out being paid in advance.
Pretty tough on Slippy, wasn't it,"
"Oh, don't know! He's man OF
wonderful self command. Instead of
kicking up a row he pulled out check
for So, received "a in change and smil-
ingly ordered the doctor to go ahead
with the torture"
"But was the check worth any thing:"
GOOD as gold when it was given,
but Slippy reached the bank first and
drew out his balance. Now he's telling
around that Tanker pulled the wrong
tooth and insinuates that there may be
q suit for malpractice.
"Yanker will sue, Of course?'
mot he. The truth is that the dep-
list in his excitement drew two teeth
at one haul, the extra one being marked
by big gold filling. Slippy misses that
one, but what puzzles him is that bis
jaw is getting well and that he has no
toothache. The dentist that filed his
tooth was never paid, and the chances
are that Slippy will drop the case as
being too complicated. "-Brooklyn
Citizen.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
Puzzled by So Many ways.

A certain man made a display Of
dense ignorance the other day when lie
went into restaurant and asked the
waiter if he had any eggs.
Eyes" said the waiter, I'VE have. -
"Well, bring me some"
"How do you want them cooked?''
ooh, any old wayl'
"My dear man." said the waiter,
"that order will hardly do. We have
over 500 different ways of cooking eggs,
and You will be pleased to make sng'
gestion or mention choice"
This astonishing fact had the effect
of paralyZing the customers tongue for
awhile, and he finally recovered enough
to whisper in awe, Scramble 'em -
eyes, SIR" replied the astute waiter
still lingering. (Which way?"
"Oh, any old way"
"Sir," said the waiter in deter
mined voice, 81 must insist you will
make choice. There are 20 differen
ways of scrambling eggs in this estab
lishment.
"Well, then, fry them for me-"
(Which way? We have 40 ways Of
frying eggs here"
"All right" said the customer slow
ly as be reached for his hat and arose;
"you have one way here that can find
myself, and that is straight out OF that
door. Good day. "-Philadelphia Rec
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
Pussy In a Mirror Maze.

A strange cat strayed into the Crystal
Maze the other night. Walking around
between the mirrors, she saw her own
reflection on all sides. She was not
pleased. Fer tail started to swell, and
she rushed at the nearest cat, which adj
vanccd TO meet her at the same rate of
speed. With q Shrek of defiance they
met, and the ugly tempered feline fell
back from a fearful bump against a
mirror.
Up she jumped and looked around,
only to see an array of abused cats star
ing at her. When she moved, 1876 9th
ers moved also. With mighty howl of
disgust she turned and fed. Groups of
cats greeted her everywhere as she dash.
ed into mirrors and tried to- climb the
slippery surface of the glasses. In the
course of a few minutes the animal ran
through the exit of the Crystal Maze as
if shot from catapult. With two
jumps she rushed to the street and dis
appeared in one of the adjacent houses,
a very badly "rattled" cat.-Jacksor-
vile Times Union.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
The Ambition to BE mLiterary.,

The reading club on the whole has
been blessing as an educational infu.
ence, but there are cases where light
drafts from the literary spring have not
been beneficial. 1t must be owned that
an ambition to become literary, when
aroused in shallow mind, often has
the effect of uniting it for probabili-
ties of achievement, while failing TO
refit it for possibilities. To the super.
fetal woman whose desire is to get into
the trend of the fashion the paper" Of
the literary club becomes delusion and
a snare. 1t tempts to mental masquerad
ing and plagiarism and in many cases
has robbed women of needed rest and of
a naturalness that is part Of their charm.
Having no very original thoughts Of a
given subject and no well defined idea
of its proper treatment, she takes the
reference books, not as suggestive helps,
but in the way of completion, and so
unconsciously often bcomes cheat and
subjects herself to intellectual demoral-
ization. Mary r. Baldwin in Woman 3
Home Companion.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
ahootinG Dreams.

A writer speaks of the persistent pc.
culiarity in his dreams of not being
able, after game was sighted, to fire the
gun, and has often wondered If this
happens with other dreamers. My own
experience comedies with his, and /
think may be too general to be peculiar.
An older brother, however, once had
different experience. The gun Of our
earlier boyhood days was an old flint
lock queens arm that had the power to
shoot off tree top and an almost equal
reverse force. 1t was the idol as we'll
as the terror of our young lives, and
was carried over the New Hampshire
hills with heroic feelings.
One night, in the stiffness of the later
hours, there was tremendous jar in
our sleeping room, as il a heavy body
had been violently thrown down. Pater.
familias, aroused by the shock, came
rushing in just as my brother, in q
semisomnolent condition. was slowly
gathering himself up from the floor to
regain his place in bed, from which he
had dropped moment before. Father
exclaimed, 'Bill, what Is the natter"
to which Bill drowsily replied, II
dreamed fred the old gun and it kicked
me out of bed" 1t was emphatic
enough to him to be peculiar. Forest
and Stream.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
His Reason.

Some of the best of Dean Pigon's sto-
ries come from Halifax (not Sheffield).
One of these concerns his verger, one
Sugar. Imagine him, venerable figure
with gray hair, skulloap, gown and
verger's staff. In ignorance they had
married man to his deceased wife's
sister.
Sugar, whose business it was to set
tie the matter about the banns, was at
once Cross examined. "Oh, yes, vicar"
said he, II knowed right we'll know
ed parties. But why did you not
tell me?'' l should have forbidden
Them" "Well, vicar, it was just this
way, do you see. One Of the parties
was 81 and t'other So. says to myself:
Lord, it can't last long Let 'em wed,
and bother the lawsr London News
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26

AS Sheridan Knowles the dramatist,
was walking down the Strand one day
with friend he stopped to greet a
gentleman, who, however, received him
very coldly. "Do you know" said he
to Knowles, "that you owe mo an apol.
ogy?"
"An apology! What forG" asked the
dramatist
'For not keeping that dinner engage.
ment you had with me last Thursday
] had number Of people to meet you,
and you never came or even sent an ex.
PLANTATION of your absence.
"Oh, I'm SO sorryr exclaimed
Knowles. "l've such memory that
/ forgot all about the affair; forgive me
and invite me to another dinner"
II was then arranged that he should
dine with the gentleman on the follow.
ing Wednesday, and in order to secure
against the engagement being again
forgotten he there and then recorded it
in his diary. On rejoining his FREUD
he told him the story Of his lapse of
memory.
"Who is the gentleman asked the
friend.
well, I'm blessedp" cried Sheridan
Knowles. 81 have forgotten his name. "
That's funny" said the friend,
"but you can easily find it out by refer
ring to the directory. You know his ad.
dress, of course"
"No, not even that!" reared the IN
happy dramatist. -Argonaut.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
A Regular POlyglOt.

A gentleman in q rural district drew
down upon his head storm Of adverse
criticism by marrying a second wife
shortly after the demise Of his first.
Two of those good ladies who look gen.
orally upon the surface of things and
who are ever ready with condemnation
were discussing the disgraceful affair.
why, my dear, there's his poor wife
hardly cold in her grave, and he goes
and marries anotherp' "Dreadful" de-
clared the other II never heard Of
such thing" ~ should think not
indeed, went on No. angrily. MAR
rying wife after wife like that--why,
the man IS regular polygot i"-Cornhill
Magazine.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
A EnmOuh Head Manter.

OF Keate. the most famous of all
Elton head masters, the author has much
to say. Innumerable stories have been
told of his fiery temper, his peculiar up
pearanoe and his strong faith in the
efficacy of birch rod, many of them
purely apocryphal.
All the world knows Kinglake's pic.
turesque description of the little man
who wore "a fancy dress partly resem.
bling the costume of Napoleon and
partly that of widow woman" and
has heard Keate's famous comment on
the beatitude: Blessed are the pure
in heart. Mind that. It's your duty to
be pure in heart If you are not pure in
heart, I'll fog you'll" But it would be
a great mistake to regard Keate as mere
ly an irascible pedagogue of eccentric
speech and manners
He did believe in 1ogging, and when
the occasion arose logged Wholesale
witness the famous instance when he
mistook his lia,s and logged all the
candidates for confirmation; also he
could not be induced to trust his boys,
but for all that he was a man Of gener-
GUS temper and noble nature, as well
as of indomitable courage, and deserved
we'll of school which has certainly al.
ways kept his memory green. London
Spectator.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
hidden In . WOOD Rox.

J. II. Gore, writing In st. NicholA,
on Hiding Places In Wartimes ["
tells of house in Virginia that was on
debatable ground" where every pre-.
caution had to be taken against soldier
raids.
In such an exposed place company
of scouts. or even regiment, could ap.
pear SO unexpectedly that 1t was neces.
sary to keep everything out of sight
Even the provisions for the next meal
had to be put away, or before the meal
could be prepared party of marauders
might drop in and carry off the entire
supply. In the kitchen a wood box Of
large size stood by the stove. It had a
false bottom. In the upper part were
wood dirt" plentiful supply of
chips and SO much stove wood that tho
impression would be conveyed that at
least there was good stock of fuel al.
ways on hand. The box was made of
tongued and groeved boards, and one of
these in the front could be slipped out,
thus forming door. Into this box all
the food and silverware were put. No
little ingenuity was needed in making
this continuance. The nails that were
drawn out to let this board slip back
and forth left tell tail nail holes, but
these W ere filled up with heads of nails,
80 that all the boards looked just alike.
remember once soldier was sitting
on this box while mother was cooking
for him what seemed to be the last slice
of bacon in the house. She was SC
afraid that he would drum ON the box
with his heels as boys frequently do,
and find that the box was hollow that
she continually asked him to get ur
while she took piece of wood for the
fire. 1t was necessary to disturb him o
number of times before he found it adj
visable to take the protfered chair, and
in the meantime hotter fire had been
made than the small piece of meat re-
CURED
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
Enjoyable at a Distance.

"We would have had a pleasant
evening if it had not been for one of
the most insufferabls little youngsters
who was ever allowed to sit up late. +"
why, what was the matter with
him?"
"Oh, he is one of those children that
say the smart things that tickle us so
much when we read about them in the
newspapers and that drive US distracted
when we have to listen to them r'-
Chicago Post.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
The Congregation smiled.

Two country clergymen had agreed
to exchange pulpits on certain date
One of them made the following solemn
announcement to his congregation on
the Sabbath previous to the event:
my dear brethren and sisters, have
the pleasure of stating that on next
Sunday morning the Rev. Zachariah b.
Day will preach for you. Let as now
sing two verses of hymn No. 4S9, That
Awful Day Will Surely Come"
And it took him some time to discov-
er why the congregation smiled. SYRIA
cuse Standard.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
Tbe Last of the Patches.

was born in 1887, and have per-
sonal recollections of lady in the early
forties using them. The ourate of --
lodged in farmhouse contiguous to
my fathers place. His wife was tall,
fine, handsome woman, dressed in black
when / first saw her, and had patches
"beauty spots" they were called-on
her forehead, cheek Cleft, think and
chin. | told my mother on returning
home, and she replied they were "beau--
ty spots" and lin the fashion" Ihavs
q most vivid recollection of seeing her
and her husband on the occasion. A
handsomer couple you would rarely
meet. Notes and Queriea
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
BLIND MANS BUFF.
Tho Origin OF This Favorite Sport OF
f.. Childhood and Youth.

Tho Origin OF This Favorite sport of
Childhood and Youth.
This favorite sport Of childhood and
youth is Of French origin and very high
antiquity, having been introduced into
England in the train of the Norman
oonquerors. It's French name, Colin
Maillard, was that Of a brave warrior,
the memory of whose exploits still lives
in the chronicles of tho middle ages.
In the year 900 Liege reckoned among
its valiant chiefs one Jean Colin. He
acquired the name Maillard from his
chosen weapon being a mallet, where
with in fight he used literally to crush
his opponents In one of the feuds
which were Of perpetual recurrence in
those times he encountered the Count
dc Lourain in pitched battle, and, SO
runs the story, in the first onset Colin
Maillard lost both his eyes. He ordered
his esquire to take him into the thickest
Of the fight, and, furiously brandishing
his mallet, did such fearful execution
that victory soon declared itself for him.
When Robert Of France heard of these
feats at arms, he lavished favor and
honors upon Colin, and so great was
the fame of the exploit that ii was COM
memorated In the pantomimic repre-
sensations that formed part Of the rude
dramatic performances of the age. By
degrees the children learned to act it
for themselves, and 1t took the form Of
q familiar sport.
The blindfolded pursuer, as with
bandaged eyes and extended hands, no
gropes for victim to pounce upon,
seems in some degree to repeat the ac-
tion Of Colin Maillard, the tradition of
which is also traceable in the name.
blind mans bluff. Philadelphia Press.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
Railroad Methods.

The motive power department of a
railway keeps an accurate double entry
account with every locomotive and
every car, so that the manager or mas
ter mechanic can tell in an instant now
much it has cost to maintain and repair
it, how many miles it has travelled and
how many cars or tons it has hauled
A similar account is kept with every
freight and passenger car. The Pullman
company, for example, can tell you any
morning the exact earnings of every
sleeper or parlor car in service, how
much each cost originally and how
much has been expended in equipment,
maintenance and repairs. - Chicago
Record
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26


The following story is told of Phil.
adelphia millionaire who has been dead
some years: A young man came to him
one day and asked pecuniary aid to
start him in business.
"Do you drink" asked the million.
aire.
"Once in awhile"
"Stopit. Stop it for year, and then
come and see me-" The young man
broke off the habit at once, and at the
end of the year came to see the million
aire again.
"Do you smoker asked the success
full man.
"Now and them
"Stop it. Stop it for year, and then
some and see me again.
The young man went home and broke
away from this habit 1t took him
some time, but finally he worried
through the year and presented himself
again.
"Do you chew" asked the philan-
thropist
eyes, do, was the desperate reply.
"Stop it. Stop it for year and then
come and see me again." The young
man stopped chewing, but he never
went back again. When asked by his
anxious friends why he never called on
the millionaire again, he replied that
he knew exactly what the man was
driving at. He'd have told me tina,
now that / have stopped drinking and
smoking and chewing / must have
saved enough to start myself in bust.
ness-and have. youths Compan-
inn
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
STUCK IN THE SNOW.
Dangers OF Travelling by sIedge In
Siberia In Winter,

SipeTAM IN NNluttr.
Travelling by sledge in Siberia I'm
winter has its perils, as the experience
of Mr.. Robert l.. Jefferson and his
friends goes to illustrate. The incident
is told in "Roughing 1t In Siberia:"
We had chartered six sorry looking
horses to drag us on to the next stage.
1t was night when we started. The driv-
er, maudlin drunk, had to be helped.
to bis seat, ana we set off along the
narrow roadway at the usual gallop
which, however soon dwindled into q
mere shuttle through the snow. We had
gone to sleep, and some hours after our
departure Gaskell woke me and said he
thought something was wrong
The sledge was at a standstill, and
our shouts to the yemshik brought no
response. BIZ - darkness prevailed
bundled ont &C fhe sledge, so benumbed
that could %N.3ely move. felt along
the sledge, s-G>i.c, to my knees in the
snow
The drivers perch was empty, and
just then stumbled over one of the
horses, which was lying buried up to
ibS HcCh. 10 WAS CI6hT buhb tu6 uTlV6T
had fallen from his seat, and that the
horses had wandered from the track.
The poor beasts were stuck fast, and q
closer inspection showed one of them
to be dead, literally frozen to death. II
we would save ourselves from the Same
fate, prompt action was necessary.
The other horses were nearly sue
cumbing. They lay fiat on their stom-
achs and nibbled at the snow. We cut
the dead animal adrift, and, using the
spare rope as whips, wa stood on either
side of the living and dashed them till
our arms aohed. At length they moved.
and by pushing and pulling we got the
sledge turned. Then, step by step, with
much floundering and many falls, we
began to retraoe our way.
All this in pitch darkness in a raw.
cold wind and in momentary expecta-
tion of one or all of the horses dropping
dead.
1t was terrible experience, but we
regained the road and finally reached
the village.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
Meant Round Trips, Perhaps.

The Bookman has heard of Scotch
professor who had been advocating the
advantages of athletic exercise. 1.-THE
Roman youths" he cried, fused to
swim three times across the Tiber be-
fore breakfast.
The Scotch professor, noticing one of
his auditors grinning, exclaimed: "Mr.
McAllister, why do You smilei We shall
be glad to share your amusement.
The canny Scot replied, 81 was just
thinking, sir, that the Roman youths
must have left their clothes on the
wrong bank at the end of their swim. /"
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26

Mrs. Acklins--I don { want to be i'm
pertinent, but how old are you any
way? Some of the ladies were discuss.
ing your age at the club the other day,
and several of them claimed that you
were at least 30, but insisted that you
were not more than 33.
Mrs. Biswick-I'm glad you were SO
kind. OF course you didn't mention the
fact that you were ready to leave the
grammar grade when l was in the
primary class at school. did you?-New
York World.
Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1899-01-26
INSISTED ON PAYING.
A Man Who Wouldn't Accept Lega
Advice For Nothing.

A Man Who Wouldn't Accept Legal
Advice For Nothing.
The other day an old fellow slouohed
into Attorney Oscar Kahn's Office, on
Legal row, and introduced himself as
Mr.. Smith, Jones, Brown, or something,
of a neighboring county. He said he
wanted to consult lawyer and was ac-
corded seat and one of the attorneys
sweetest smiles.
He then explained that while he was
away from home the sheriff or some
deputy had attached his wife's sewing
machine and bureau for taxes. He did
not propose to tolerate such imposition,
he declared.
"What is the amount of taxes?" in
quired the lawyer
"Lemme see-$l. 20, - was the replr
The lawyer could not conceal smiI~
but hasteued to say: well, Mr.. Smith,
if you want my advice, it is to go back
and settle that small amount. 1t looks
like the easiest and best way out of it. 1"
The old fellow thought a moment
and replied that he believed he would.
Answering, he asked, How much do
owe your"
"Oh, nothing, SIR" was the reply.
II won't charge You anything for lit
tie advice like that"
"But allus pays fer whit git and
want ter pay yer jes' the same"
ooh, that's all right; come in again
some time when you need advice on
something more important, and we'll
square it them
NAV, want ter pay it now. Jes
squeal out. Eff it's 25 cents, I'll pay it.
Eff ye want so, there it isl" And he
threw down half dollar and left
padupah XIV 4 SIM