The evening times., 1899-03-25
PHELAN,s MARROW ESCAPE.
Almost Won "a Girl and Nearly Got
a Fortune
(Frcm the Kansas City Starr

(From the Kansas City Starr
The great institution of marriage in the
State OF Arkansas-or, rather. the Rev. Mr.
Bates, its worthy exponent-met with one
overwhelming defeat Indeed, the bride
and the minister were at the altar and
the groom was at the threshold, and even
then the institution was cheated of its
dues. 1t was no moth and the flame"
tragedy, but rather comedy, that might
be called "Alls Well That Ends Well
Capt. Thomas Phelan, big, open hearted
grizzied Captain Phelan, is a man with
ideas and the dearest brogue that ever
emanated from Kilkenny. When he has
an idea he acts on 1t. The ideas do not
always pan out, but that only adds a bit
of experience TO life." as the captain puts
it. So when the Pittsburg and Gulf Rail-
road surveyed for rails between Mena,
Ark, and Hot Springs the captain heard
of it and evolved an idea
There's timeber there to burn" says
the captain, AN bedad. I'll be prisint at
the stTikin ov the match"
The captain went about twenty five miles
from Mena and bought thirty-five acres of
the best timber land in the country along
side the proposed tracks He squatted Oh
16G acres more and spent the time in
counting the trees and figuring up how
much the railroad would pay him for
bridge and tie material. The captain hal
dreams OF wealth that troubled him be-
cause the nearest bank was twenty five
miles away. There was a settlement sey-
erai miles away, with schoolhouse
and such modern conveniences. The only
drawback, so far as the captain could see,
was the fact that most of the women
dipped snuff" He couldn't stand that
Wan day" says the captain when
was wandherin' in the settlement minis
ther named Bates aidges around me a lit
tie whole an says: Say. cap'n. don't We
iver get lonesome out in yer cabin thar
so faraway?
. Nary bit ay it, says l. with all
them snakes and bears fer company
a" I'd think you'd git married and have
some human eomp'ny.' says he.
Aw. go on, ! says. there amt a CUR
rel in tn settiemint that'd marry the likes
av me. I'm gettiu' purity gray 10 ke'
You're mistaken says he. like 4 kit
ten. III bet there is plenty OF gurruls that
would jump at the chanst.
" / have it, says /. winkin. YOU find
the gurrul and III give you tin dollars to
marry MS. But, moind ye. says l. she
mustn't chaw snuff. i can stand anything
but woman that chaws snuff'
THE minister says he can fix ii. an GOES
away In couple o days he comes to me
an says. says he:
'Cap'n, I've got the very gurrul. an
she's willin'.'
Does she chaw snun:" says |.
p" ! was lookin' out for that says he.
an | made sure about her. She niyer even
saw snufT. She's beauty.
All right says I. bring her on. III
take her. She's moine.'
"'Well be waitin' for ye at the church
tomorrow says he. and he wint away.
We'll, as | was goin TO get married next
"A. fk..
the school house and tipped il of to tn
teacher. | tould him who il was. an saws
|. she's a wondher. for she don't chaw
SNUFF
what says he. don't ehaw snuff,
Have ye seen her yit?'
:" Nav. l says, but the ministher got
her for me and reeomminded her.
Why. she's notorious says the school
master. She don't chaw snuff-she eats it.
Besides that. she chaws plug of tobaccer
i' cry day.!
Faith. tell ye. 1t nearly knocked me of
me pins to think how close | was to tn
awful brink i niver said nothn', but went
whist'in toward the church. There was
tn ministher in top boots an a whoite tie
an the unblushing bride. think she was
chawin' snuff at the tonne
Huilo,' says Misther Bates. here We
are
lis, Says. JUST uHTOPpeu over 10
say that the jig's up. There won't be nc
weddn' today, onless ye git a new groom
Ye tried to pawn off a snuff -eatin', tobac-
cer-chawin' gurrul on me. didn't ye? But
I'm too smooth. l looked up her characther
an found l had been decayed.'
What about me tin dollars cries the
ministher.
'Ye can git them at the tinshop.' says
1, and l wint away whistlin The Wearin'
av the Green
''An' what dye think the feller done 80
said the captain, spreading his eyes open
and fitting back his hat. THE mkt day
he sued me for tin dollars on a breach a,
contract, an, bedad, / had to give him
foive to compromise the thing
Shortly following this event the Pitts
burg and Gulf Railroad made second sur
! vey of the branch to Hot Springs and moy-
ed the road thirty miles away from Captain
Phelan's land He returned to Kansas City
| not the least discouraged. He wi | leave fol
Little Rock, Ark, soon to work out a new
idea.
But ye can say I'm not fur gettin mar.
ried, says he, with a twinkle in his eye