New-York tribune., 1899-07-25
THE TALK OF THE DAY.


Colonel Funston received in Cuba began TO troupis
him. and Major Kobbe sent bed from deser,eu
house to his tent. In due time ploddins wa'e,
buffalo bed on a cart and private OF the Oh
Artillery arrived at Colonel Funstons heauaua
tcrs The aids recalled that they had not mentioned
the AFFAIR TO the colonel, and held their orea'h
Major Kobbe" said the I'd Artilleryman, stand
ing az stiff as rod presents his compliments sir'
and sends this bed, which you ordered
"A bedY' exclaimed the colonel "What 90
want with It? Ordered was Il? Adjutant, you nave
had something to do with this
well sir the rainy is coming on, ana
considering that old wound OF yours. did not
know as vou would mind being lifted up off the
ground little"
The adjutnnt had almost persuaded the colonei 10
have It In his tent when suddenly he baked BE
fore rolling up in his blanket on the ground he
agreed that it would make a good scat during inc
day but n the report got out that he had taken 10
his bed II would encourage the Filiplnos
Trying to BE Cheerful-"Don't you wish you
were a polar bear? asked the perspirng friend
mo" gently answered the man who mas ~. had 30 30
don't wish I were polar bear. II were It would
be my luck to be who has to i've IN zooLosIcai
put any fresh water in his four by seven basin.
It's sad lot. but I'd rather be human an 6emg ,,hng
ins feel pc ike se'f 10 ana ep iS s Star
Philadelphians have become accustomed to the
Chinaman who carries his nickel for carfare In MS
ear but it remained for enterprsing representa-
tive OF "The Record" to discover a man VINO USED
the soft lobe OF his for cotton wad. Passeh-
gers on streetcar In the Quaker City the other
day were attracted to a we'll dressed man or MID
die age because Of something peculiar they noticed
about his right ear. 1t seemed to those who looked
that the ear was minus lobe. Suddenly there was
fop and the interested passengers then noticed
that the ear was all right, with the lobe In the
place where II ought to be. BY the time the pas
,+1, ha g
sight the raised his hand and pushed the iooe
into the opening of the placing the ear In the
condition IL was before the flop. Noticing that the
man who sat next to him stared In an inquIrlnS
way at him. the man with the magic ear SAID that
the lobe was his earache cure. He was great
sufferer from the ache he said, and formerly used
cotton TO shut the wnL out of his ear. one Gay Tie
was without cotton and found that he could shove
the lobe into the opening. 1t did not only keep the
wind out but the pain disappeared quicker ana
since then he has always put the lower part Oh MS
ear into use when the earache has come on.
Valuable AlianGse, o, hnSw Syy ,its sGochman who
says he never payea sscs so HIM m the and he can
teach US the dialect -(Chicago Record
r r. Lawrence, a Topeka C&an) young man OF
twenty years was married a few days ago to Mrs
Anna Hylt who puts more than seventy candles on
her birthday cake. Lawrence Is the man VINO the
recruiting officers said last fall was the most per-
feet man physically they had ever seen IN all their
experience. Every measurement was what II shou'u
be to make model
The Professors Opportunities; told Name Nam
simpson that the professor said she looked ike
where did the professor ever see Greek god
"oh. he knows lots O. foreigners. He's teaching
Sunday school class down to the Dago missioh'
-(Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The school children Of Louisville KY. are pro
ht,o md n
fro escape Outside each school building stands a
steal cylinder six feet In diameter. There is an
opening into the cylinder from each floor. Within
the cylinder Is a spiral steel chute leading from
the roof to the ground In case Of fire all that Is
necessary is to open the door leading into the
cylinder and step In. To slide down to the ground
over the spiral steel surface of the interior spiral
"a a quick and easy process steel tube which
acts as a standppe. and about which the spiral
Winds Is In the centre OF the cylinder This stand
nine carries water the roof OF the building. and
also into each floor.
.I will give you f1,oOo." said an Irishman to an
old gentleman. 'if you don't stand IN your own
sHow?"
You have a daughter and you intend TO give her
10000 as a marriage portionF
"sir. r0 will take her with esoOO"-(Boston TRAY
eer.
A writer in THE Philadelphia Times who. has
been looking up the record OF the mosquito In natu
raj history has come to the conclusion that II Is
a very useless insect. Here is the result OF his
Investigation: "Just why the mosquito bites peo-
ple IS not yet known II is not to furnish II food.
for II IL an established fact that mosquito after
gorging himself with human blood, dies within a
few hours; whereas mosquitoes that have never
tasted blood have been known TO live very COM
fortably even through the entire winter and into
the next season. The adult mosquito does not
need food During its Larvae stage II has stored
I'D enough nourishment 10 last all Its life. and II
Is normal state for II TO go without food for the
rest Of its existence. All that II needs Is moist
air adult mosquitoes being known to pass the
winter In damp cellars, living on nothing but the
moisture The fact that It is estimated that only
ono out Of ten thousand ever tastes human blood
also proves that It Is not necessary. Why II per-
ssts in torturing mankind therefore, has not yet
been found out. and scientists can only swear
softly with the rest Of mankind and make the gen
eral statement that the mosquito Is born with a
yitiated appetite for human gore-an appetite that
causes the death OF the induger."
fresh from a fashionable finishing school" She
was bidding the "happest man on earth fond
adeu on the stoop Of the old country house.
Now, dearest, just before go" he said, COM
mencing all over again. what kind OF ring shall
It be2'
me a solitaire with three diamonds in itv-(Judy.
"