The Banner-Democrat. [volume] (Lake Providence, East Carroll Parish, La.) 1892-current, 1899-04-01
WIT AND HUMoR.

VII AM uohsoNs
Iyo.to.Date Jokes and Wittieisms From 'a'
Comic Papers
HIS IDLE DREAM.
He went into store to buy book;
The pretty maiden at the counter
there
Half smiled, as she bestowed on him
look
That thrilled him from his toes unto
his hair.
He handled fifty books. for which ne
cared a..
No more than if they'd been the
merest dirt; -,
He fingered just because the maiden
stared; .,
He felt that he'd become an AWFUL
firt.
A glass hung on the wall behind HIM
Therein at last he saw his mirrored
face;
Some SCOT upon his nose had CHANGED
to land
In seven seconds he had quit the
place.
OFFERS TO PROVE 1T.
Her Father-And if I consent to
your marriage with my daughter
what do you propose to do for Nv
ing? h.t
MIR. Spooner-I'll demonstrate that
two can live as cheaply as one. we
won't ask for q cent more than you
allow her now.
THE OLD STYLE.
Polite Old Gentleman-"1p perceive,
madam. that need not inquire about
your health"
Nice Old Lady-"Thank you, sir.
1 confess that feel ten years younger
than 1 am.
Polite Old Gentleman-"Possibly,
madam, but you cannot feel day
younger than you look.
THE USUAL RESULT.
cts all foolishness to talk abou
any one getting the worst OF 1t III tn
matrimonial game" declared tn ol'
man with silk hat AMI loud suit o
clothes.
Flows that ?"
Marriage is always tie.'
OUTLINED HIS GENIUS
Moralist-Think of the Aeeting ma
ture of your p pularity. You are nc
to ious for a short time, then som
man defeats you. and You are throw
aside and forgotten. What ave yo
ever dcne that will live, my friend
Pugllist-We!l, pard. lputa roke
nose on literary gent once that ha
outlived anything he ever wrote.
ITS SIGNIFICANCE TO HIM.
'Papa, it speaks here Of a burst
confluence. What does it mean 2"
Failure of trusted bank" grow
ed the old gentleman, who had Jul
been hit by that sort OF a calamity.
MAKING SURE.
'Is Miss Binks in ?"
"Be yer Mr.. Brown or Mr.. Jones
If yer MIR. Brown. she's out; If y
Mr.. Jones, she's home"
'I'm neither Brown nor Jones.
"Well. then, yell have to wait tt
Igo and ask her whether she is home.
, NOT so TYRANNIcAL.
| ct hate to believe that he di
, charged his bookkeeper for playlI
) golf. How tyrannical !"
t "Naw, not for playing golf, Il
t talking it"
INVOLVEMENT CLEvERNESs.
eve would have had a pleasa
\ evening if it had not been for one
3 the most insufferable littlr youngste
l who was ever allowed to sit up late
t "Why. what was the matter wi
!. him ?"
4 ooh, he is one of those childr'
i that say the smart things that tick
t us so much when we read about the
o in the newspapers and that drive
+ distracted when We have to listen
q Them"
s WANTED THEM FOR KEEPS.
;. Tommy, aged five, had been Sc
: to a nearby store to purchase p'
d of shoe strings for his mother.
r "How long do you want them
asked the clerk.
: 81 don't want to borrow 'em,
piled Tommy; II want to buy 'em
keeps"
WITHIN THE LIMITS.
Architect looking OF new foun'
tom How is this ? Your foun'
- ton is only half the size my plf
call for"
o Experienced Builder-"The owl
$, 80 told me to keep the cost within u
:. estimate.
A NEW REASON.
50 Johnny-Pa. do people read
in newspapers to get the news?
r. Pa-No. my son; they merely r.
Id them so that they won't have to lis