davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
WAS HER FIRST FARCE coNEoY.
Why One Young Woman Was Reail,

Why One Young Woman Mas Really
Pleased with a Poor Show.
New Orleans Times Democrat: Had
a queer experience not long ago. said!
q confirmed ~theater-goer OF this city.
Through sheer lack. of anything else
to do, had dropped iii to; see a farce
comedy that j knew in advance was
something unusually poor. 1t proved
anticipated, and / was about to make
my escape when | happened to notice
"a young woman of my acquaintance,
seated with some members of her
family. on the other side of the house.
To my intense surprise she seemed to
be c%onvalsed with merriment. She
was leaning forward eagerly drinking
in every word, and at each prehistoric
joke and h%ackneyed situation she
would shake with uncomfortable
laughter. That anybody should be
amused ut such unmitigated rubbish
vas sufficiently astonishing, but that
it should please this particular girl
was simply incomprehensible. | have
known her. you see, as u lover of the
very highest type of intellectual
drama. She knows her 1bsen by
heart, dotes on Materlinck and can
talk by the hour about Sudermann,
Fulda, Hauptmann, Reichel and all the
rest of the crowd who are supposed to
be several miles over the heads of the
common herd. Last time l called She
was reading Die Versunkene Glocke'
in the original, and nov to see her
getting historical over a tupenny ha'
penny farce fairly took my breath
away. After the agony was over !
made a point of meeting her in the
lobby and she seized me by the arm.
oh, wasn't it perfectly Splendid she
exclaimed, her eyes Still sparkling.
Well, I'm a little surprised at your
enthusiasm ! replied. I thought,
don't you know, that it was a bit-er
out of your line SO it is, she adj
mitted promptly. Why, it's actually
the first farce comedy ] ever saw iii
my life, and | can't understand why
people say they are dull! Wasn't it
just too funny for anything, and
she went off into another peal of
laughter. That explained the mys-
terry. The whole thing was new to
tho dear girl. All the spawned jokes,
all the sn~perannuated gags, all the
shelf-worn situations and antediluvian
tricks and turns appealed to her with
the same freshness and sparkle that
they did to me thirty years ago, when
was a boy, up in the peanut gallery
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
Bobbed Up ~sereneIy.

Chicago Inter-Ocean: The indomita-
BILE commercial spirit of the orientals
was demonstrated last night at the
Palmer house. For ONE time the
management has been annoyed by a.
Chinaman who enters the lobby every
evening and tries to sell large Chinese.
fans to the guests. Clerk Nierbuchen
has had the porter lead the Chinaman
out, but every night he reappears at
the 'front.' entrance and slips into the
lobby. Clerk N%ierbuchen, tired of the
performance, instructed the porter to
throw the Chinaman out bodily the
next time he entered.
Last night the celestial slipped into
the lobby as usual. He had no
than opened up his fan before a guest
and said, 1.-TWO dollars; how muchee
giye?' when the porter seized him
roughly by the shoulders and hustled
him out the back entrance into the al
ley. Grasping him firmly by the neck
with one hand the porter snatched the
covering off a maAhole with the other
hand. Then he bent the Chinaman
down as if to dump him into the sewer
below.
With terrified shrieks the Chinaman
struggled for his life. The porter al
lowed him to escape and he fed in ter
ror.
Five minutes later Clerk Nierbuchen
was called into5the cafe. There, before
Il table, stood the Chinaman trying to
sell his fan to a party of gentlemen.
The clerk says he will buy the porter
an AK today.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
BURNS STAMP WORTH FORTUNE


Philatclist's Treasure C%Onsigned to
Flames by IL Housemaid.
New York Journal: In the year 1851 a
12-penny black Canadian postage stamp
was printed by the government at OF
tawa. The public did not regard this
somber issue with favor. 50 few were is
sued.
One. of these stamps was sent to the
Hamilton postofice. where 1t vas sold
to an old gentlman. Who said 1t was
shame to print the queens picture on q
stamp that might be handled by profane
hands. ,renderly the old gentleman put
1t on a parcel, sending 1t to n friend in the
United States. Here, in the waste bas:
ket, 1t lay for many a. day, till an errand
boy found it and quickly transferred 1t
to his album. Despairing of getting a
good collection, and his fever for stamps
somewhat abating, he sold them to a
dealer. The new owner, on looking al
the catalogue, found that what he had
paid IS for was worth 81.
Accidentally this stamp was slipped in
a 8-cent packet and sent to a dealer re.
opened the packet he was %asto1nshed to
find such q valuable stamp, and, being
honest, wrote his friend to inform him OF
what had happened. Offering him !3l.2oo
for it. The offer was accepted, y the
stamp again changed hands BY this time
tho stamp had Increased In value, and
not a few came from a distance to look
at the treasure. One day an English no.
hleman, who, through a Canadian friend;
had heard of the stamp. offered 1850,
which offer was accepted. Tn English
lord, falling in love with an American
heiress, and wishing to gain the favor
of her brother, presented him with the
stamp as a token of esteem. Here, in It's
new and luxurious American home, 1t
came to a sad end, for one day the maid,
by mistake. swept the stamp, which had
accidentally tsllen out Of the album, into
the fire. In an instant the stamp, Which
thousands had heard of n longed for.
went up in smoke to the broad, blue sky.
leaving not a trace behind.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
Never Grows old.

Memphis Appeal: When the band
plays Yankee Doodle" the American
heart swells with pride, for Americans
look upon the tune as their private
property. But if it now belongs to ua
it is only because of comparatively re.
cent acquisition. Twelve hundred
years ago the tune, played slowly and
solemnly, was the accompaniment OF
The notes, robbed OF their tripping hi.
larity and uttered with the dignity OF
worship, swelled through the nayes
and fretted vaults of the dim cathe,
drals. England sang the air to words
less religious centuries ago, and Hol.
land, quickening the tune, set it to the
words OF a harvest home song, which
became national in it's popularity. A
history of the tune says it has at diff.
ferent periods belonged to the three
great families Of the Caucasian race
the Latin, the Teutonic and the Anglo.
Saxon"
But O good thing, like a thing of
beauty, neve grows old, but is q ..joy
forever" So. Uncle Sam, having
brushed up the old air q little and
added fresh trimmings in the shape OF
new and versatile words, has finally
adopted it as his own; and, like all
things else that come under his infu-
ence, it has become thoroughly Amer.
;canized, and its past history is for
gotten in itS present prominence az n
of our national airs. Next to the flag
that fiutters at the head Of the column
a strain of anational song will do more
to nerve the patriots arm than any
other syrnbal Of war, and yankee
Doodle" and Dixie have played a
leading part in the Of America,
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
T,,a Coolest Place.

Philadelphia Press: V~erchoiausk Is
considered to be the coolest place in the
world. 1t is a small collection of native
log houses, planted nea- to, but not on,
the Yana river. The street, II so 1t may
be called, extends on either side of a
narrow sheet OF water, a kind of creek
formed by the autumn overflow of the
Yana, and which in winter forms a fro
zen promenade or driving place for sleds.
1t is a dreary place enough. The summer
lasts only four months. and during the
other eight of the year 1t is bitterly cold:
the thermometer sometimes indicates Sc
degrees below zero and seldom goes
above so degrees until April 80.
Corn will not grow In this desolate re-
gion. Barley and oats llav been sown,
but have always succumbed to the early
frosts. OF vegetables there are only the
radish and the turnip, with, perhaps. an
occasional and very precarious crop of
potatoes. Cabbages all run to leaf. The
ground rarely thaws, even during the hot
season. beyond twelve or eighteen inches
deep. and in places most exposed 10 the
sun, never beyond a yard. Most of the
dwellings are ,Bakut huts, built of lii
trees against a square framework and
covered thickiy with mud to keep out the
cold Ar
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
DON'T TWIST Youa FACE.

Repression Doesn't Mean Turning
FeAtnres Into Facial AcrObats.
Philadelphia Inquirer: Do you want
To- head of wrinkles? Then stop 1nak-
ing them. How2
Take your hand-glass and study fa-1
ciai expression.
Better still, get your nearest and
dearestt to tell you when yon are puck
cring up your brows.
When you are lining your forehead
by n perpetual jerk upwards.
When you are allowing worry lines
togcreepdown each side Of your mouth.
When you are crows feeting'' the
corners OF yonr eyes with an eternal
grimace.
You laugh too much.
You scold too much.
You talk too much.
Aface lacking expression belongs to
the sawdnst doll type.
Let your eyes talk, let the sensitive
CULVER of the mouth denote feeling,
but for goodness sake give up that
mistaken idea of expression, namely,
turning each feature into a facial aero
bat.
E@''A ihlS = SCANNING y ~
would be lovely but for this blemish.
They are brought there largely
through carelessness.
Ignorance will bring lines,
So will Indifference.
The period has long since passed
when it was considered n waste of
time to study beauty books.
Those written today are filled with
intelligent hints.
The writer well up on her subject
tells you wrinkles are due to muscular
depletion.
Keep every muscle toned.
Do this with massage.
Keep the skin softened.
Do this with unguents.
"A fabby face is one that never goes
under the manipulation of a massage.
The drawn withered complexion is
suffering from lack of toilet creams
Large pores coarsened by neglect
need the most seductive;of beauty arts.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
An Evening Call.

San Francisco Examiner: st called
on Perkins last evening"" remarked
Mr.. Brown
Did you have a pleasant time?' in
quired Mrs. Brown.
Very. Perkins was beating his wife
when / came in
.tVVhat??"
" say Perkins was beating his wife,
but Of course he stopped when / came
I'M
well, / should hope 50.
Il begged him to go right on, but
he said some other time would do just
as we'll
you begged him to go on""
Why, yes, ! didn't want to spoil the
fun, you know"
.,qshg yen5 Drate'S
800 you mean to say you could have
cooked calmly on while he beat his
wife ~ Z @
Certainly. Why not?'
4 Thought you had at least a spark
Of manhood left. ] suppose you will
be beating me next
Yes, I think I could if you would
play cribbage with me-"
play c%ribbage??"
Yes. That is what Perkins and his
wife were doing"
.You horrid thing!a
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
IN1EMPERANcE SAVED HIS LIFE
Had Peterte Been Sober he Would
Have Died III Coliseum Ruins.

Chicago Chronicle: Judge Water.
man, in sentencing John Peterie to sin
months in the ~penitentiary yesterday.
for breaking into a saloon, seized the
opportunity of admonishing the pris
oner as to evils of intemperance.
Peterie only laughed.
The judge Indignantly inquired what
the culprit found amusing, and then
Peterie controlled his merriment and
told u story which will probably moi
be used as an argument by temperance
lecturers.
II beg your pardon, your honor" he
said, "but I couldn't help laughing,
Getting intoxicated once saved my life
/ am an architectural ironworker and
recently was employed on the Coli.
scum building. The day before that
structure collapsed we were paid off;
Il got-well, ! met some friends and
the next day l was not in good condi-
ton to work, and I stayed away. The
man who worked in my position was
instantly killed. Temperance is all
right, and / believe in it as a general
rule, but if I had practiced it on this
occasion I would in all likelihood have
been dead" ase
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
He Had Not Changed.

Memphis Scimitar: Graham Mac
farlane relates that the other day he
was in n barber shop presided overly
a t%onsorial artist who is a man OF
color.
The operation of shaving Mr.. Mac
farlane was abouts half finished when
there came in another negro, a hack
driver, who demanded So that the bar
Der owed him for a hack at a funeral.
Come in next week an Eli have it,"
said the barber, as he continued to
serape.
But the creditor got on his ear.
Look a-hyarp said he. Use gettin-
mighty tired O. comm eroun' here af-
ter dis money. Hits always de same
thing. Come eroun' mex week. I'm
tired o. comm eroun' mex week. L
wants ma money! come in las week
an yo' tole me ter come agin mex
week, an / comes mex week an yo'
tells me ter come de week after. I
wants ma money!"
With that the barber took the mid
die of the floor and declared himself.
Look a-hyar, black man." said he,
"whut yo' p~esterin' me about yo'
money! Isn't l done tole yo' TO come
mex week? What yo' eXpec? I've
done tole yer de same thing all de time.
Mex week! mex week! 1 tole yer dat
las week an l tells yer dat now. 1
hasn't changed. Use prepared to do
jes' whut I says
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
leg thrown away into the jungle. The
grandmother pitied the child and
sayed$its life, and low the child pities
the lepers. That is ALI

leg thrown away into the jungle. The
grandmother pitied the child and
sayedSits life, and now the child pitieA
the lepers. That is all!
But tell me, Pinta, who made you
10 wise az well as good. Do you learn,
1t from the birds md the monkeys?
What other playmates have you had?'
".Masuka, they r nearly all afraid
Of me now, but ! used to 60 to the
great white convent, and they always
showed me the picture Of the good
Madonna, and told me that she was
the mother ofspity. Masuka, the lit
tie I know that face taught me. So
you see / make all kinds Of little bas-
kets; ] carry them to the city; 1 sell
them, and then ! buy ointment and
medicine and little things which the
poor lepers cannot get in any other
way. Some day, when I have a sore
lip or a bad cold, these people will be
sorry, but they will send me o yellow
blouse and a iron badge, and then l
shall5tak my place among them owe
yonder.'
..Pinta,' said /, you are an angel,
and ! have never met anyone to coma
pare with you among my own people.
Come now, J. am going to run
away from you. I must first see the
grandmother and the hole in the
ground
".Masuka is good, and the grand
mother will smoke and burn grasses,
SO there will be no danger from the
sickness. Come along. It is up in the
mountains
so we started again, the Indian
from the canoe leading the way. We
tramped and climbed for two or three
hours. The forest was grand, so DIFF.
ferent from forests in other parts OF
the world, where everything seems
quiet and awful. Here the trees and
the thickets were humming and throb-
bing with life. There were parrots,
monkeys, Lizards, butterflies and
beetles, all in gorgeous dress and
sparkling with color. You cannot con
ceive how strange I felt in such com-
pany and with such surroundings. At
last we arrived at the cave which Pinta
called the hole i'll the ground.
Ito he continued.)
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
Do Animals Reason

Brooklyn Citizen: A little girl fell
of the dock at High bridge yesterday.
Her mother screamed for help. A stray
Newfoundland dog responded to tho
call, rushed down the dock and, seeing
the situation, jumped into the water,
caught the girl and swan with her to
the dock. Then a policeman ran down,
swung himself over the dock and lifted
frstthe child and then the dog to land.
Not long since an alleged philoso-
pher proved to his own satisfaction, in
a magazine article, that "animals do
not reason" II this dog, rs adopted
by the police Of the High Bridge pre-
cinet under the name Of Dewey, did
not reason, did the policeman who took
him and the girl from the water rea.
son?
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
The Song OF Destiny.

We are the Children of Events,
From Tampa Bay to Golden Flue;
Swift immigrants that pay no rents.
Rough riders over ditch and fence,
We settle where we pitch our tents
And stick the carmine, white and blue
We are the darlings of events
From Tampa Bay to Golden Flue.
S~louch-hatted, buckled UP in duck.
We nick the sunset for our own;
We tug and balance nip-and-tuck
The European powder-truck,
But hout the brownish kind OF muck
And disrespect the Torrid Zone.
We are the paladins OF Pluck
From Honolulu and Ladrone.
We sniff the SAVIOR of the seas,
Light-handed, hearted, prodigal.
M~orld-hungry for antipodes;
We scale the Morro-crags with ease
From Philippines to C%arribbees.
And shelter in the chaparral.
sniff the SAVIOR of the seas,
Light-hearted, handed, prodigal.
The dubious doctors may debate
Why trade-winds travel as they do;
We grip the saddle-fiaps of Fate
To rise above the hurdle gate.
And nave q chance to contemplate
From elevated points Of view.
The doddering doctors may debate
Why trade-winds travel as they do.
Charles Ferguson in the Critic.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21

New York Herald: After having run
through $4,000 left him less than two
years ago by relatives In Ireland, Patricl.
Smith the other morning paid the last
dollar he possessed as u FIN for being
intoxicated and disorderly in the streets
of Paterson Monday night. He was a
laborer when he received the money,
and was considered a good man in every
respect, but the money proved a curse.
both to him and to his wife.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
The sHoPLlFTER's DOG.
1t Proved to BE tho Undoing Of 1t.
Clever Master.

1t Proved To BE tho Undoing Of Its
Clever Muster.
Baltimore Sun: A fine white collie
together with n Partisan detective-of
u charming little. shoplifting drama
which was begun, continued and ended
the other day in Paris. a bale of
sportsmen's waistcoats had been
stolen from u large Partisan Diapers
shop. The suspected thief had been
in the shop for so short a time that
none of the attendants could recall his
appearance. while several remembered
that he had been accompanied by a
magnificent long-haired shepherd dog,
perfectly white, except for his tail,
which was quite black. 1t seemed
hopeless to get on the track of the
thief, when n police inspector diseov-
cred among the stray dogs a shepherd
dog answering the description OF the
N which had accompanied him OF
the bale of waistcoats.
The inspector nov made the dog
his constant companion, hoping that
on his tours about the streets he might
one day find the muster. Nor was he
mistaken, for one day the dog rushed
with a mighty bound toward an ele-
gantly dressed man descending the
steps of the Hotel du Rhin, together.
with two ladies'. Both master and dog
were delighted at the meeting. and the
latter followed the party, while at e
respectful distance the inspector also
moved in the same direction. The
party of three turned into a diapers
shop and were arrested a few minutes
later in the act of lifting" a piece of
silk.
1t now appears that these worthless
belonged t. n band of thieves, the
head of which, Malizet, has long been
the respectable" inhabitant of q villa.
Mt Aubervillers. whence, as a whole
sale draper, he sent the stolen goods
all over the country, not infrequently,
as he told the court with a contemptu-
Gus smile, selling goods to the very
diapers from whom they had been
stolen.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21

Exchange: A farmer has made a;
discovery that will be of vast impor-
lance togthe farmers during a dry sea-
son. He has found by gplanting onions
and potatoes in the same field in al
ternate rows the onions become SO
strong that they bring tears to the
eyes of the potatoes in such vast vol
umes that the roots Of the vines are
kept moist and asbig crop raised in
spite of the sdrouth. The same farmer
has a scheme for raising custard pies
;aby crossing the egg plant with the
milk weed.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
a West Indinn Hurricane.

Recently Travelled up the coast at will,
and acted i'll an entirely different man.
ner from any other storm. Sometimes
dyspepsia acts in the same why. It
refuses to yield to treatment which
has cured similar cases. Then Hostel
ter's Stomach Bitters should-be taken.
1t has cured stomach trouble for half
n century.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21

A Yankees Tip to Mexicans.
Modern Mexico: An American farm-
en- near Guadalajara has convinced his
Mexican neighbors that oxen can do
more work under American yokes, SO
generally used in the republic. The
American brought several modern
Jokes from the states and used them
with success. The curiosity of his
Mexican friends was aroused and they
proceeded to ask questions.
Well" said the American, when
you lasso Il steer and the lnsso gets
around his neck, what do you do?'
's1rurn him loose" was the reply.
"Why?"
Because he's too strong for us that
way
"That's it, answered the American.
His strength is in his neck, not in his
horns.
The Mexicans saw the point, and
now Jokes of United States manufac-
ture are generally used in that neigh
bcrhood.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
A Feeble Fable.

New York Press: A Man-Who-Could
Stand Without Leaning
Over-Backward one met an old
woman weeping copiously into Back
Bay.
Your sorrow, madam" he inquired
courteously.
'Oh, sir" she sobbed, my little son,
Eddie Atkinson, has threatened TO
butt over the Bunker Hill monument.
/ fear he will butt out his brains"
Calm yourself" said the Man-Who-
Gould : Stand Up Straight Without
Observation-Disclosures. notice
that the monument is still standing,
and as to his brains, I should not
worry about his bntting out many
n. B.
This is not a tale of u Mothers Love.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
Halls Catarrh Cure
Is a constitutional cure. Price rs cents.
a %lDesikninr Man.

Chicago Tribune: did you notice what
an attitude Ruggles struck when he
stepped up to Dewey and shook hands
with him at the reception"
II did. What did he mean by it?r
"He la br!bed fifty amateur photo.
graphers to take snap shots at him at
that moment,''
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21

Archduchess Marie Theresa, widow
of the emperor of Austria's second
brother, is said to be the best woman
rife shot in Europe. She spends al
most all her spare time in hunting.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21

To Cure a Cold In One Day
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. An
druggists refund the money il it fails to cure
25c. f. w. Groves signature Is On each box
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
An Aspe,sion.

Life: II see said one tiger cub to an
other, that 1t is claimed millions Of the
ctty,s money are wasted"
How absurd!' exclaimed his compan-
ion. why, there Isn't one OF us In the
whole Wigwam that doesn't know how
to use his money,
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21

ed with HALg's HONEY or HoRxmouNp AND TAn.
OfDfuggtsts.
{ PIXIES IooTa1cHn Dxors Cure IN one Minute,
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21

My doctor said / would die but Piso's
Cure for Consumption cured me-
Amos Kelner. Cherry Valley, Ills, Nov.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1899-10-21
-
%neoinninr Yonn,,.

Harper's Bazaar: Bobby-I think Tommy
Jones Is the meanest boy ] ever knew.
now?H
Bobby-I said I was going to be a poet
whom l grew up. II he said he'd lie an
editor and wouldn't print any of the