Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1899-12-16
Mr. JoRSoN GETS DINNER


at 5 o'clecksthe iether afternoon he found
the front door locked Concluding that the
catch had alphabetically dropped, he got out
his latch key and opened the door. He
was surprised tessfind the vestibule door
locked, too. Mumbling something about
the fnefficacy and imbeciity of modern pat
ent locks, be used his latch key on the
vestibule door also, and entered his abode.
He had hung his coat and hat on the rack
before he noticed the queer, lonesome 81
lence that bfoods over a house the occu-
pants of which are all out. Mr. Jobson was
visibly ruff1ed ri
"Jane"' heo called to his wife. somewhat
commandingIy from the bottom of the
stairs, at the same time muttering some
thing about women who stay upstairs
primping all the afternoon. But there was
no reply. Mr.. Jobson went to the head of
the basement stairs.
..Lily!" he called to the black servant.
We'll, here's a deuced pretty note!''
calculated Mr.. Jobson. spreading his legs
out in the hall and looking savage. What's
the meaning of it, I'd like to know? Man
comes home from toll and drudgery at his
regular daily hour and finds his home as
deserted as northwestern boom town
church. Wife gadding the streets. servant
off attending some 5 o'clock tea and parlor
social, and no more sign of dinner than
OF elephant tracks, And I'm so hungry
that l could eat burro stuffed with fire.
crackers! Now, this is the worst yet. I'm
much as the next man for the sake of
peace and quiet life. and to keep my
home together. but I'll be eternaliy fiib-
bertgfbbeted If this isn't too
The situation bore so heavily upon Mr..
Jobson's spirits that he couldn't finish the
sentence. He set to work thinking out
schemes whereby he could exhibit his dis
pleasure. He was in two minds as to
w q har hn Mro TnhSnp N
her return with fiery and sarcastic allu-
sions, or greet her with solemn, martyr
like dignity. displaying evidences of grief
and dis appointment too profound for ade-
much abused. He looked around to see If
there was any note of explanation tackled
on to the top Of the bureau, or resting on
the mantel, or stuck in an easel on the
piano There was no note.
Nope unused Mr.. Jobson, when he had
finished his search, there's not even line
Of explanation. Just a plain case of heart
less. calious Indifference. And after the
way have toiled and moiled-'
The thought was almost too much for
Mr.. Jobson's composure. He collected
himself. however. with great effort, and
decided upon a course to pursue. At first
he reflected that it would be good scheme
for him to write a short. jerky note adj
dressed to Mrs. Jobson, stick 1t up in some
prominent place, and then depart for
wild, tumultuous time of it down town,
returning at O'Clock in the morning in a
ntght-liner and aggressive frame of
mind. But he remembered that the last
time he had chosen this method of exhibit
ing his displeasure over fancied griev
arce he had barely been able to drag him
self around for week afterward
Too much of a boomerang that way"
thought Mr.. Jobson, deciding not to have
recourse to the tumultuous plan.
Il just know what I'll dor he suddenly
thought. and he proceeded Immediately to
put his scheme into operation. He took
off his coat and deliberately rolled up his
sleeves. Then he descended to the base
ment kitchen. He lighted all of the burn
ers in the gas range, coming periously
close to blowing himself to eternity in the
for himself. First he dumped about half a
pound of coffee into the pot, and, filling 1t
up to the top with water, put it on to boil.
Then he dug around for materials where
with to make himself some corn bread. He
ranged all the materials about him on the
Kitchen table, and within five minutes he
was corn meal, molasses and otner things
up to his elbows. He put great many in
gradients in the corn meal, and even look
ed at the Worcestershire sauce and the
cayenne pepper. He managed to get the
pan into the oven after thirty minutes OF
exhausting labor, by which time he was
sight, as, in fact was the whole kitchen.
Then Mr.. Jobson carefully sharpened the
bread knife and hunted up the bacon lie
cut off three half-inch-thick slices OF the
bacon with the bread knife, incidentally
y.
After going upstairs and binding up his
slithered finger he deggedIy returned to
the job of getting his dinner.
Might as well learn now ats any other
time he growled to himself Il can see
now things are going In this camp, and
the sooner learn how to hustle for my
self. why" :. - .!..sT e
Then Mr.. Jobson searched around for
ten minutes for the eggs before he concluds
ed to look for them IN the ice box. Tile
hadn I put any eggs In the corn bread}.
Ihen he got the hugest pan he could lay his
hands to. put it on the range, dropped
about quarter, Of a pound of butter in IT,
threw the three balf-inch-thick slices of
bacon into the pan, and looked somewhat
saw the smoke. He cracked three eggs.
breaking them all In the operation, and
dumped them in. the pan beside the bacon.
Then he went upstairs to get another band
to the kitchen the coffee had boiled all over
the range and floor, the kitchen was full OF
smoke, and the bacon and eggs. were burned
to a cinder. Mr.. Jobson set his jaw down
hard. He cut three more slices Of bacon
and broke three more eggs. and this time
he watched the mess vigilantly. Then he
set place for himself at the dining room
table, and In Just one hour and forty min
utes after he had started to get dinner for
himself. he sat down in state, with his
sleeves stili rolled up to his elbows, and
corn meal paste all over his face, although
he didn't know this. When Mr. Jobson sud-
denly recollected the corn bread in the
oven, by the way, and got it out. 1t was no
more like corn bread than plantains are
like onions 1t was of about the consist
ency of basalt. Mr.. Jobson. however, set
the pan beside him on the table, chopped
into it with great exertion, and partook of
1T anyhow.
I'm no gutter said he to himself, dog
gedly. as he filed his teeth on the weird
corn bread.
Mr.. Jobson was wading into his butter
cooked bacon and eggs, his alleged corn
bread and his turbid coffee, when he heard
the click of the latch key in the basement
door Mrs Jobson had seen the light in the
basement, and wondered greatly thereat.
When she stood in the frame Of the DIM
ing room door and saw Mr.. Jobson, corn
meal paste from his chin to his hair, SOL
EMMY partaking of his personally conduct
ed meal-and when Mr.. Jobson saluted her
in a sepuichraI tone with a naughty good
evening, madam'-Mrs. Jobson reeled to-
ward the dining room couch and rolled on
# in a burst of uncomfortable laughter. Mr..
Johson regarded her stiffly. Every time
Mrs Jobson raised her head from the
couch pillows she broke into renewed
laughter.
Mr. .Jobson in his deepest and most i'm
nressiye bass, that you have been partak-
ms Of the stimulants of the season to such