Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-09-17
HE DOESN'T LIKE IT.
TIE IDLER VERY IGNOhANIhh
DISCUSSES THE GAME OF GOLF.
lore ABOUT FEMININE HEANNESS.
Kind words About Husbands When
Tbcx Are Absent, Bat Nothing IN
Their Presence-Nhy IL IL mus -
conts vs.. shccp-I<ilIinE Dogs.

NV moral sensibilities received a great
snock when l went out 90 Lakeside Park
ono Sunday and saw several bold. bad
men playing golf While I'm not calling
r-mes. / must say that l recognized sew
e,al familiar figures on the links. and If
they were ashamed to look me in my
GOD Presbyterian face, they certainly
DIDN'T show IL.
Now, when il comes TO eating good
dinner on the Sabbath or taking stroll
rr Franklin street, or reading French
novel, or enjoying myself in a law
abiding way. ] can always be counted in
tre game. but as 10 golf-never. l would
not play golf On Sunday. There are also
Six other days ON which ! would not play
it I'm the first place, my legs are not
built for the kind Of pants the players
wear and in the second place. ] have
ra pants built for my legs; thirdly you
oa so much work for such small pay
1t is nv sincere belief that golf was
oririuauy designed for Western Union
and Postal Telegraph boys-those little
follows who are supposed to use their
I., power in carrying messages; those
Individuals 70 whom distance is nolhins'
shall not attempt TO describe the
l-roe. but / know il is one OF those
tsugs one should not play on SUNDAY.
The main prerequisites for indulsins III
tba snort are. TO move On good society
rY have legs that viii III the peculiar
Kind OF pants worn (my remarks ar q
etrictlv applicable 10 mcm TO obtain inc
car-fares 20 get 10 Lakeside PARK. ana
20 be willing TO walk when once you
indulge in the sport.
When YOU get ON the links-that is' OF
the 1.0.O-acre field ON which the game is
rlaved--you have a kind OF steel-uppc'
handy. with which YOU knock q ball, o
tier try ia knock ball. The fartnc
Won knock the ball the farther you nav
r. ualll. as 1 Understand IL. and the mor'
~, YOU think you are having. haV
t,.U,p some men To drive The spher
urrteon inches. while others stand n
Vrorico county and send IL 10 Goochiahd
lt I'm depends upon how you do 10. o.
viii find when YOU go 20 hit the ball ina
Wis not as large as an elephant-ln ldc'
rr as large as a billiard ball. ana "ne'
son whock at II 81 seems 10 set smanei
Its astonishing how many other INNS
you can hlt when YOU whach az lhe "ai'
know one case whore person dIoN
the sphere into the eve OF companion
ord tnaf 100. without injury 70 the pan
The companion in question now count
glass eye among his crockery ana poi
ceIaI1s
According TO what i learned the sun
day / was az Lakeside, you are suppose
o. have a small boy tote your goli sliCA
or clubs OF whatever you call the nanny
Atc things The boy IS designed 10 O
useful as well as ornamental, and h"
% tote the bundle as a punishment 10
being So mean. lie gets all the punish
mont he deserves.
10 is very fascinating 10 watch the game
Justices OF the peace delight In seeing u
They imagine when they first behold az
players that theyll get chance TO hol'
commissions Of lunacy over them, an'
thereby make q dollar or so. believe
however that playing goH is not con
elusive evidence OF insanity While
may be prima facic evidence OF menta
alteration. the conclusion Is open 10 re-
buttal People who have played golf tcl
me- however. that ~ is glorious and ex
hiiarating: that the love OF IL IS acqure'
IKE fondncss for beer, and that the NOR
you play II the longer you staye of In
funeral directors. hope this is so.