Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1899-12-22
= 1885, sS|sl SS1 a1ESSs9
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First Dear Girl have no friends
to speak of. Second Dear Girl-Lucky
| friends.-Life.
Madge-My fiance's rame appears in
"Who's Who" Marjorie-But mine is
In Bradstreet's.-Town Topics.
"Pa, what is an illustrated song?"
Goodness, Dickey! ask your Aunt Kit
ty; when she sings she makes faces."-
Puck.
Dolly-Dick, I've seen the Obelisk in
Central Park. Dick-Huh That's
nothin'. I've seen 'em feed it!-New
Voice.
Britisher-England expects every
man to do his duty. American-But
will our heiresses hold out Flown
Topics.
Mrs. cLubberty-Murty, do yez be-
lave the dead walk? McLubberty-Av
coorse! Dyes s'pose they can afford to
be roidin' ahl the to o.me2-Judge.
my daughters music" sighed the
mother, "has been great expense"
''IndeedT returned the guest; "some
| hSlShDOl ouSu JOu1 SuppOSes -DOS-
ton Traveller.
Uncle Rob-Well, frankie, what are
! you going to do this vacation? frankie
Last year had mumps and chicken
pox. This year don't know what I'm
| going to do.-Bazar.
Little Clarence-Pa, money talks,
doesn't It? Mr.. Callyiers-I guess so,
my son. Little Clarence-Well, then,
pa, gimme a penny, SOS can hear it
whisper to me little.-Punch.
"a splendid stroke! Did you follow
the ball, caddie" mo, sir. but think
that gentleman with the red coat can
tell you where it struck. | see him
feeling Of his head."-Tit-Bits.
Freddie (age six was seated in a
BARRIERS chair. "Well, my little man."
said the barber, "how would you like
your hair cut?" Like fathers, with
a round hole at the top."-Woman's
Journal.
Tommy's mother-Why is it. Tommy
that you are always fighting with Willie
Simpkins? l never heard of you quar-
reling with any of the other boys in
the neighborhood. Tommy-He's tn
on'y one kin lick" k."-Indianapolis State
Journal
Tomwell-It's a wise man who knows
when he is well off. Page-Yes? Tom
well-Jackard told me that everybody
was talking about my new book. Page
| And what thnn ? TppoEunIl 7
foolish enough to ask what they said.-
Boston Transcript.
"Of course, Norah. you know that
marriage is very serious thing" said
Mrs. rockingham to her cook, who had
told her that she was about to set up
housekeeping for herself. Yes, IN, l
know that" replied Norah: "but it isn't
half so serious as being single. Bazaar.
Judge-Did you steal the hog or did
you not? Prisoner-No, judge. l did
not; but if yo kind oh thinks Use lyin
ABOUT it, and am gwine to give me s.
months for lyin', I'd sooner lie about il
and say did steal de hog, and get two
months for stealin' de hog l didn't
stole ?-Puck.
"I would like to know" said the gruff
old father to the young man who had
been calling with considerable fire.
quency, whether you are going to
marry my daughter?" $50 would l."
answered the diffident young man.
"Would you mind asking herT-Chi-
cago Evening Post.
That's the best | can do for you"
said the theatrical manager. you've
been idle all season, so far; now, will
you stay idle the rest of the season, or
take this small part" "I'll take it,"
said Lowe Comerdy; "in this case a
small role Is better than a whole loaf"
Catholic Standard and Times.
First American correspondents have
just wired home for ten thousand dol
lars. Second American correspondent
What do you want of such a sum as
that? First American correspondent
! only wanted one hundred dollars, but
l was afraid If asked for that it would
be censored down to one dollar.-Chica-
go Tribune.
Guest-You charge more for porter
house steak than you used to. Why is
it? Proprietor of restaurant have
to pay more for it. The price of beef
has gone up. Guest-The steak is
smaller than 1t used to be, too. Pro-
rietor of restaurant-That, of course,
is on account Of the scarcity of beef
Chicago Tribune.
To-day 1 am assailed for buying
seat in the United States Senate" auoth