The St. Johns herald., 1899-07-15
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 Would you say honest politics is,' or 'areY" els of course. Honest politics is always singular. ."--Indian- apolis Journal.
 "SO old Yabsley is dead, eh? We'll. well! Did he leave anything" Yes. It broke his heart to do it, but he left everything. ."-Tit-Bits.
 Vera Goodheart-Mrs.V Von Tauk is a great social light, isn't she? Ida Nownce-Well, rather! Regular Four Hundred scandal-power.-Life.
 Mrs. Captain Braggington-My hus- band won renOwn on the tented field. Sally Gay-Why, didn't know he had ever travelled with a circus!-Puck.
 In 1900: Teacher-Wlllie, tell the class about the battle of San Juan. Willie Whose story do you want-Shafter's or Davis ?-Brooklyn Life.
 Biggs-I once wrote for Sribbler's Magazine. Boggs-Did you? Biggs- Yes; but they refused to send it to me unless l paid my subscription in ad- Vance.-Ex.
 McFingle-Poor Broome! He's gone over to the silent majority. McFangle - -Why-I-when did he-is he dead? McFingle-Well, no; but he's married. --Tit-Bits.
 "Some day." said the .high-browed young man, "I expect to have the world at my feet" What have you been doing all this time," snarled the cynic; walking on your hands?'- Washington Star.
 Mallaby-Bragleigh boasts that no living man could forge his name sue Has he such a very peculiar signature? Homans-No; but he hasn't any money in the bank.-Tit-Bits.
 Dobbs-There's a man who slaves several times a day. Wiggin-You don't mean 1t? Should think there'd be nothing left of his face. Dobbs- It doesn't hurt his face at all. He is a barber.-Harlem Life.
 q should like to know when you are going to pay that bill. I can't come here every day in the week" What day would suit you best?' "Satur- day." ''Very we'll, then, you can call every y."-Tit-Bits.
 Schoolmaster-So, then, the reptile is a creature which does not stand on feet, and moves along by crawling on the ground. Can any one of you boys name me such a creature? Johnny Please, sir, my baby brother.-Tit-Bits.
 Colonel, you swear positively that your regiment never received a pound of embalmed beef in Cuba. How is it possible for you to be so absolutely certain% Because my regiment never got farther than Tampa, sir."-Detroit Free Press.
 ''They's to be some kind of musical doin's at our church next Wednesday night. I've forgot what they call It." 'Mebby it's a recital" No; recitals Is for pianos. Our church has got an or gan. l guess it's an orgy they're goin' to have."- ."-Exchange.
 Papa-See the spider, my boy, spin ming his web. Is 1t not wonderful? Do you reflect, try as he may, no man could spin that web? JOhnny-What of 1t? See me spin this top! Do you re- fleet that, try as he may, no spider could spin this top?-Household Words.
 Would-be Swells at the Opera: First Swell (pretending to mistake for waiter a rival whom he sees standing in dress clothes at the cloak-room of the theater)-Ah! have you a program? Second Swell Cup to snuff)-Thanks, my man, I got one from the other fel- 
 Johnny" said teacher to a South Side groceryman's 6-year-old, "a lie can be acted as we'll as told. Now, if your father would put sand in his sugar and sell 1t he would be acting lie and do- ing very wrong" That's what moth CT told him." said Johnny, lmpetuous- Iy: "and he said he didn't care."- Columbus Journal.
 "It's hard to be happy, once you've got a reputation for saying sarcastic things" remarked the sad-eyed man. ssWhats the trouble" ''I've lost an- other friend. l complimented him on being the most cool-headed person ever saw. He took it as an allusion to the fact that he is totally bald."- Washington Star.
 Inyentor-Pve hit a money-making thing at last. The preachers will go wild over it, and it will sell like hot cakes. It's a church contribution box. good is that? Inventor It's a triumph. The coins fall through slots of different sizes, and half-crOwns, shillings and sixpences land on velvet; but the pennies and half-pennies drop on to Chinese gong.-Tit-Bits.
 The Lady-Pl give you a good meal if you will cut up some of that wood. ! The Tramp-Sorry, but can't accom- l modate you, madam. The Lady-ToO lazy to work, I suppose? The Tramp Not that, madam, not that. 1 would ! be false to my trust. You see, Pm a of the Society for the Preser ! yation of the American Forests, and l we never cut any wood.-YOnkers ! 
 An Irishman, in order to celebrate the advent of new era, went out on { little lark. He did not get home until 3 o'clock in the morning, and was bare Iy in the house before a nurse rushed | up and, uncovering a bunch of soft goods, showed him triplets. The Irish man looked up at the clock, which said