The daily morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven, Conn.) 1894-1907, 1899-07-24

iHS IldWlCl, ne puts MS Hedu out OIL lilu
window and shouts: Card are we
keepn' an e'e on that trunk o. miner"
Guard (sharply) "Oh, yes" At Mel
rose Jock cries: Hey, gard, ye're
shure We ddna pit ma trunk DOT at the
| last staton?" Guard (angrily):
Didn't 1 tell you that at was ALL
r-i-g-h-t?", Jock, however, was ill at
| ease, and at Galashiels he said: II say,
| gard if that trunk O mines lost ye'll
haze to become responsible fort" The
guard, out of all patience, fiercely eX-
! claimed; IT wish to goodness ye'd been
an elephant, wi yer trunk stuck on ye,"
Jock collapsed.
| A Highland hotel keeper was one day
having a squabble with an Englishman
| in the lobby of hotel about his bill
| The stranger said it was gross imposi-
| tion--he could live cheaper in the best
hotel in London. The Highland landlord
replied-"Oh, nae doot, sir, nae doot;
| but dae re no. ken the reason?' mo,
not a bit of it," replied the stranger has
| tily. "Weel, then" replied the host, "as
We seem to be q sensible bit Gallant, I'll
tell we. There's three hundred and six
ty-five days in the Lunnon hoted keep
er's calendar; but we have only three
months here. Dae we understand me
moo, freen'? We maun max hay in the
Hielans when the sun shines. for it's
unco seldom she dist"
Rev. Rorie Mcpherson was the minis
ter of the kirk in the village Of w, in
western Ontario, and his friend, Rev.
Donald Mcdonald, was minister of Y,
about ten miles distant. The former
was holding the sami-annual sacrament,
and his friend was to preach on the Fri
day night, but owing to bad roads he
did not appear in time, and the local
pastor had to take his place, much
against his will, as he had not prepared
for such an emergency. But he fell
back on a very old subject which could
scarcely be called approprate-Luther
translating the Bible in Warburg, and
the famous scene where the devil ap-
peared to him in his study and called
Martin by name. "Get thee behind me,
Satan, was the stern reply of the great
reformer, who then threw his ink-horn
at the horned head of AUD Clootie,"
who took the hint that his visit was I'M
welcome. but promised to return at
some more convenient season for his
proposed victim. Rev. Rorie, anxious
to pass the time till his friend should
appear, dilated at some length on the
discomfort of Luther's living in state
of suspense expecting second and
perhaps more disagreeable visit when
he should get behind Satan ION his back)
and be carried away victim, instead
of being victor as in the present case.
While he was thus passing the time in
somewhat irrelevant language the door
opened to his great relief. and he well
coined his friend with, Here's the gem
tleman himself" which caused the con-
gregation to litter much to the surprise
Of Rev. Donald Mcdonald.
1.-THE Laird of Coclpen"-The air of
this song is believed to belong to the
reign of Charles II; and "The Laird of
Cockpen' is said to have been the at
tached friend of his sovereign. After the
battle of Worcester the laird accompa-
MED this monarch to Holland, and
forming one of the little court at The
Hague, amused his royal master by his
humor, and especially by his skill in
Scottish music. In playing the tune
"Brose and Butter he particularly ex-
celled. At the restoration Cockpen
found that his estate had been confiscat-
ed, and, notwithstanding his petitions
to the king for the restoration of his in
heritance he received no response. He
was also denied an audience of his ma
jesty. To accomplish his design of OBJ
tanning an audience of the king he
formed an acquaintance with the organ
list of the chapel royal, and obtained
permission to officiate as his substitute
when the king came to the service. He
did so, and played the usual tunes, till, !
at the dismissal, he struck up the kings
old favorite, "Brose and Butter" His
artifice succeeded. The king proceeded !
to the organ gallery where he found
Cockpen, whom he saluted Familiarity. |
declaring that he had almost made him |
dance. "I could dance, too said Cock |
pen, "if / had my lands again" "Brose
and Butter" was successful. and Cock
pen was restored to his possessions.
James was always under the impress
sion that he was a born humorist, and
his friends never succeeded in convin-
cling him to the contrary. But he has
given up trying to be funny now; he
says his humor was the means of losing
1 girl with lot of money, and he has
never got over the blow. He explains 1t
his way: He was counting a brokers'
laughter. One day he called upon her,
ind she happened to be at home; he
considered himself fortunate, as she
lad been out every time he had called
or a week. and he determined to make
he best of his opportunity and pop the
question. He found her in room bust
V engaged with small bundles of dried
grasses which she had collected. What
quantity of dried grass you have col
ected, Miss Ritchie," he said. Then his
iumor burst forth. Mice room for a
donkey to get into" Make yourself
t home, Mr.. James," she said. sweety,
'efore he could finish the joke. He
vent home, and all the humor was
rushed out of him forever.--Scottish
merican.