Morris tribune., 1899-04-29


uanus on me stone parapet Of the road
to assure myself that that at least was
real
Agnes, repeated, for pity sake,
tell me what it all means. Mrs. Wes-
sington leaned forward, with that odd,
quick turn of the head / used to know
SO well, and spoke.
If my story had not already so madly
overleaped the bounds of all human be-
lief, ! should apologize to you now. As
know that no one-no, not even Kit
ty, for whom it is written as some sort
of justification of my conduct be-
ieve me, will go on Mrs. Washington
spoke, and / walked with her from the
6anjowlie road to the turning below
the commander in chiefs house as I
might walk by the side of any living
woman's rickshaw, deep in conversa-
ton. The second and most tormenting
of my moods of sickness had suddenly
laid hold upon me, and, like the prince
in Tennyson poem, II seemed to move
amid world of ghosts There had
been garden party at the commander
in chiefs S, and we two joined the crowd
of homeward bound folk AS / saw
them then it seemed that they were the
shadows-impalpable fantastic shadows
that divided for Mrs. Washington g
rickshaw to pass through. What we
said during the course of that weird
interview | cannot-indeed I dare not
tell Heatherlegh's comment would
have been short laugh and a remark
that had been MASKING brain, eye
and stomach chimera It was a ghast-
~ and yet in some indefnable way
marvelously dear experience. Gould it
be possible, wondered, that was in
this life to WOO second time the wom-
an had killed by my own neglect and
cruelty?
/ met Kitty on the homeward road
a shadow among shadows.
If / we're to describe all the incidents
of the next fortnight in their order, my
story would never come to an end and
your patience would be exhausted.
Morning after morning and evening
and used to wander through Simla to-
gether. Wherever Invent there the four
black and white Everies followed me
and bore me company to and from my
hotel. At the theater / found them
amid the crowd of yelling jhampanies;
outside the club veranda after long
evening of whist; at the birthday ball
waiting patiently for my appearance,
and in broad daylight when went call
ing. Save that it cast no shadow the
ricskhaw was in every respect as real
to look upon as one of wood and iron.
More than once indeed have had to
check myself from warning some hard
riding friend against cantering over it.
More than once l have walked down the
mall deep in conversation with Mrs.
Washington to the unspeakable amaze
mentvof the passersby.
Before l had been out and about
week | learned that the eft theory
had been discarded in favor of insanity.
However, made 10 change in my
mode of life. | called, rode and dined
out as freely as ever I had passion
for the society of my kind which I had
never felt before. I hungered to be
among the realities of life. and at the
same time I felt vaguely unhappy when
I had been separated too long from my
ghostly companion. 1t would be almost
to describe my varying
moods from the 18th of May up to to-
day
The presence of the rickshaw filed
me by turns with horror, blind fear, a
dim sort of pleasure and utter despair.
I dared not leave S1mla, and knew that
my stay there was killing me. knew,
moreover, that it was my destiny to die
slowly and little every day. My only
anxiety was to get the penance over as
quietly as might be. Alternately / hun
gered for sight Of Kitty and watched
her outrageous firtations with my sue
cessor-to speak more accurately, my
successors with amused interest. She
was as much out of my life as was
out of hers. By day I wandered with
Mrs. Washington, almost content. By
night | implored heaven to let me re-
turn to the world as used to know it.
Above all these varying moods lay the
sensation of dull, numbing wonder
that the seen and the unseen should
mingle SO strangely on this earth to
hound one poor soul to its grave
Aug. 97.-Heatherlegh has been indie
fatigable in his attendance on me, and
only yesterday told me that | ought to
send in an application for sick leave.
An application to escape the company
IF phantoml A request that the gov
ernment would graciously permit me to
get rid of five ghosts and an airy rick
shaw by going to England Heather
egh proposition moved me to almost
nysterical laughter. / told him that
should await the end quietly at Simla,
and l am sure that the end is not far |
IF. Believe me that dread its advent |
more than any word can say, and tor
5ure myself nightly with thousand
,peculations as to the manner of my
1eath.
Shall die in my bed decently and as
an English gentleman should die, or in |
one last walk on the mall will my soul