The commonwealth. (Greenwood, Miss.) 1896-1923, 1899-04-21
BOB TAYLOR TO THE BACHELOR.

Tenn. March u. lS99.-To thu
Bachelor: Ny Dear Old Solitary
Who meudS your socks: Do yru sew
on your OVID buttons: How long doe,
il take you to tread the needle? Why
don't you brush the cob-webS out Of
you soul, and Straighten up, and get
a good wife 10 do all Of these things
for you: What pleasure do you find
in this world without Il partner. 1t
is not good that man should live alone.
The world owes you a rib. and you
ought to have your old ribs cracked if
YOU don't collect the debt.
Why don't you rig up your matri-
monial tackle. old boy, and 90 angling
for a ~''frau:' Your old panta.
looms look mighty lonesome hanging
there in that dusty wardrobe without
some calico 10 keep them company.
Your room is a poor paradise without
a fair Eve to adorn it. | know what
is the matter with you: you are afraid
of grocery bills, and dry goods bills,
and doctor bills, and curtain lectures.
and the overthrow of your independ.
ence and freedom Of speech, or else
you are afraid to pop the question:"
and thus lose a golden opportunity by
simply looking at her and grinning
like "A baSketful of o'poSsum heads.
Perhaps you have popped the ques-
ton and got "NO' for an answer.
but remember that ''tlere are as
good fish in the sea as were ever
caught" and remember she is some.
where in this wide, wide world wait
ing for thee, darling"
Comb the feathers out of your
whlskers, and put a little bears oil
your hair, if you have any hair,
and spruce up. Don't expect her to
court you. but do the counting YOUR
self. Press your suit gradually: and
when you see she is determined to
"kick, " ''kick' first, for then is the
time above all other times to show
your independence. A true woman
loves an independent man next to
money.
Are you accommodating a fortune?
II SO, for whom? Did you never hear
Private, John Aliens story of the
lewiston of an old bachelors estate?
they were dividing it out
among his kinfolk, one %dlsgruntled
'elatlve felt that he hadn't received
lis Just proportion, and co%mplainingIy
aid: Il sometimes wish the old
nan hadn't died"
If you are poor, you need a good
to help you to get rich: if Won
re rich, you need IA good woman to
lelp you get poor. In either case she
a success.
FOR a man to pass through this
'orld without a helpmeet is "a strange
'iillosophy to me; and yet | have seen
len with as noble hearts as eyer
lrooed, full of splendid sentiment.
IN love with the beautiful, live 5
ut their days in single wretchedness.
bachelordom is a habit the longer !
ndulged in, the harder to break, I'm. I
u Its victim is SO infatuated with IT,
nat it seems impossible to quit. Flo d
ecomes "sot' in his ways: and all
he f~rills, and bangs, and bustles. ana I
audy shirt waists, and lowered and '
gathered hats which the milliner,s Il
ri an fashion, and all the bewi,cb. l
lg chances and persuasive smiles |
men beauty can bestOw move him 5
OF F.; neither do they unmoye him. II
One OF the attendant misfortunes :.
I "A bachelor is Observation-Disclosures u
once heard of an absent. minded y
who bought a pair of new VI
owes, and went home with them and .
tonished his nephews and nieces nv "
rowing the gloves in the fire and y
'ltting on the bed. The best wov