Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1899-12-03

daily for his wines, patisserie, and dell
cacies. Now. between you and me- ia
was close as bark TO a tree, and II he
had had TO put his hands in his pockets
TO buy a pie or a pudding or bit OF
pastry, il would have killed the old gen
tleman dead. As for his wines l don't
believe he ever tasted anything Of the
tanglefoot sort in his life, except per-
smmon beer or apple brandy And he
generally got that at election times when
some other fellow was Setting it up"
and wanted him TO keep the niggers
away from the polls. These reminis-
cences make our guests mouths water,
and unless they set their imaginauons
achieving on them, they are mighty apt
TO leave our house hungry.
It's always before the war'-"before
the war'-what went ON at Cucumber
Hall" and Popcorn Manse' some forty
or fifty years ago, when the whole South
land was a land Of milk and honey, in
which you were very apt to get smeared
up unless you climbed very gingerly over
the golden hunks of butter in the butter
milk. Why, darn my buttons, If every
book l see doesn't sing the same old tune
and try to apologize for our now being
on the free-soup list. I'm so tired of be-
ing the offspring Of old Virginia gentle
men with sWallOw-tail coats that didn't
fit 'em i'm the back of the neck and ten
acre shirt fronts and smooth faces and
small feet What / wish now IS, to do
the po' white act-that is, 10 have less
ancestral timber hOBeycOmbing the earth,
ana more good, hard, American dol
lars down in the pistOl-pocket of
50 dollar pair of new check pants. Why
Great Scott, If all my so-called blue
blooded forbears were eXhumed there'd
be enough of EN- TO lay corduroy road;
but l couldn't get bank 20 accept the
whole outlay as collateral security for a
81 negotiable note. Give me more solid
food and fewer arstocrauc sauces.
This splendid bit Of prose poetry which
/ have just picked out on a Remington
typewriter, made In 1888. is not designed
10 point a moral or 10 hurt the feelings
of any who now live on the shadow soup
or by-gone days. II would please me,
however, TO hear that corporation en-
titled "rhe Society of Plains Spoken
Paupers" had been organized, and that
its charter required each member to con-
fess being poor and not make any ex.
cuses for it, Metnlnks such an organiza-
ton would have a wide scope. Ii would
save so many excuses and prevent that
tax on the elasticity Of truth which has
heretofore been stretched much farther
than the mOlasscs at q childrenS' candy
stew. Perhaps It might bring about that
glorious day when man, without cent
in his pocket and no socks, might find
the courage 90 sQueal and hOller for help.
The members would be 50 large that
none could be mortified.
Ii there be any who think that | make
this suggestion because / wish an
honorary office IN the corporation. they
are vastly mistaken. AS d matter OF fact,
/ would not be eligible for membership.
Although my circumstances just now are
not OF the bes, | confidently anticipate
a time ~ no distant day when certain
financial investments of mine. which for
the nonce have kept my nose 10 the grind
stone. will bring me and my family
TO that state when We can live in that
ahluence which marked the life of our
forefathers at Popcorn Manse" and
Cucumber Hall"
These doctors and microbe experts and
people who are trying 10 work reforms
will run US crazy before they get through
The latest thing they've taken UP is the
kick against adulterations In food. They
wish TO show US that most everything
we eat has got something the matter
with II. and that II we don't watch out
well wake up some morning and find
ourselves dead. They keep a man scared
out OF his boots all the time. One day we
hear that mosquitoes and flies dis
semnate fever germs and cholera and all
that, and the next we are told
that milk from diseased cows can give
US consumption. Then there Is a crusade
against tight lacing and Latrobe stoves
and tobacco and bicycle riding and what
not. III we listen 10 all the warn
ings we hear we feel every moment that
something is going to happen 10 us and
II we don't listen we live In perpetual
dread lest we are disregardng something
that may lead 10 our destruction.
The latest thing, as | have said is the
adulteration Of food Congress has
inLan M This mailer ana Sanntnr Mnsnn