The Maryville times. (Maryville, Tenn.) 1884-1944, 1899-08-26
EN- ROUTE, May "a, 1899.
TO the Mothers-in-law:


forbidden fruit would not have been
eaten. All the world would now be
paradise; the women would still be
dressing in sunshine, and the men
would still be clad in climate. All the
Ills we now endure are the fruits of sin;
all sin is the outgrowth of the first
transgression, and the first transgres-
sion was committed because there was
no mother-in-law in Eden to forbid it.
Satan would have kept his distance if
Adam had been son-in-law; and even
after man had fallen, the Lord saw that
he was prone to fall still lower, and so
he provided the third person, singular,
and named her 'mother-in-law," to be
his guardian angel and watch him day
and night. But it has been the habit
of malicious men from time immemorial
to speak unexpectedly of the dear old
specialized angels and to refer to them
as the embodiment of tyranny and the
personifcation of terror.
once heard of man who said that
his principal possessions in this world
were an appetite and mother-in-law,
and that he had never been able to sat-
isfy either.
A crowd of boys dragged a cannon
down to the river one Fourth of July
and began to celebrate the anniversary
of the Declaration of Independence by
firing across the stream. A man came
running, with his hat off and his hair
floating in the air, shouting at the top
of his voice: stop shooting, boys; for
the Lords sake, stop shooting!" What
do you wish us to stop shooting for?"
asked the boys; and with voice
trembling with fear, he shouted back
to themt my mother-in-law got
drowned there yesterday, and l am
afraid you will raise her."
have frequently heard it said of sad
and subdued-i Soking men, as 1 have
passed along in &fe, that they were suf.
fering with a bad case of mother-in'
law. 1t has come to- pass almost every
where that if the mi aternal ancestor OF
the wife even suggf ests to the husband
in the teaderest tnes of voice and the
most affectiorate Language that he
ought not to dora Thing, he is sure to dc
it, out of fear Of public opinion; or il
she urges him to do a thing he leaves il
undone to prove to the world that he is
not "bossed" by his mother-in-law. AL
this abuse and all these vicious attack,
on the mothers of our wives are NEAR
and contemplate, and direct re
Fiction upon our wives themselves
The sweetest and purest and bes
woman l ever saw, except my mother
and my wife, is my mother-in-law
Her life has been sacrifice to the hap
| piness and comfort of her children, anC
so it is with most mothers-in-law. Ii
nine cases out of ten it could be appro
priately and truthfully said that she il
suffering from a bad case of son-in
law. If man is unkind, or ever
neglectful of his wife, he is pretty sur,
to hear from the mother-in-law; that i
right. If he fails to provide for hi
family, she has right to look at hin
over the tops of her spectacles ant
make the kings English crack like
cowhide around his ears; if he wan
tonly spends his evenings away from
his own fireside and comes home wit
snakes in his boots, she has right t.
"stick her nose in his business" and he
fists in his face, and it is her divin
right to ''lay down the law" to him.
think it glorious thing for societ
that weak-minded and guilty men ar
afraid of their mothers-in-law. Other
wise many a home would be turned int
hades, and many sweet and gentl
spirit would be crushed; many famil
of little children would suffer, an
many son-in-law who now walks i
"the straight and narrow path" woul
be worthless vagabond In the gutter
and the slums of earth.
The mother-in-law is the conservato
of the peace. and not its disturber, a
many bad men would make it appear
She is the Goddess of Liberty enligh
ening the little world within the fou
walls of home; she is the Minerva {
the hearthstone; Jove is enthrone
upon her brow, and the Furies sleep i
her eyes. Woe betide the son-in-la,
who transgresses the law of Jove! fc
then the righteous Furies wake an
leap like forked lightnings into tn
face of the transgressor, and he is lei
in the condition of the man who wer
out West. News came back to h
father: .sYour son is dead" The oil
man telegraphed Immediately, "Sen
me his remains" and received this r.
ply: They hain't no remains; cyclor
struck him."
But to the man who does his faithf,
duty to his family, his country, and h
God, the mother-in-law is thing {
beauty and a jov forever" She nurs,
his children and cares for them, ST
stays with them at night while he an
his wife are at the party; she nurse
him when he is sick and makes hi
! swallow his medicine on time, and cut
, off all communication with the outsid
world till he is well again. If his ere,
itors become too numerous and ammo,
. ing, she stands guard at the door an
hedges it about with FIRE and brir