davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
PlTH AND POINT.

A woman's idea of being culturcdls
to look at terrapin as indifferently
when invited out as she looks at fried
bacon at home. e.-Atchison Globe.
Waiter-"Would you like Spanish
cream with it?" Goodman Gonrong-
"Spanish cream? That's whipped
cream, isn't it?"-Chicago Tribune.
Friend-"I presume you soon found
that all was not gold that glittered.
Returned Klondiker (hoarsIiy)-
"Yep. Most of it was ice. Judge.
Are the Christian powers OF Europe
Genuinely chummy?
Have they really buried the hatchet.
Or only dummy?
"Here's q case of man who went
to law in order to get the girl he loved
away from her parents" "Took out
writ of attachment, 1 suppose. -
Chicago Evening Post.
Browne-s:Waiter, bring me dozen
oysters on the half shell" Waiter
"Sorry, sab, but we's all out OF she'll
fish, sab, 'ceptin' aigs. Rochester
Union and Advertiser.
Simes-"Here's a poor CLAP who
has lost his power of speech" Hikkok
-"Well, that isn't SO bad. He'll
make great naval officer. "-Phila-
delphia North American.
Jimmy-ssI wonder why they a!-
ways put the preacher away back in
the back end of the church," Tommy
-"That was done in the days when
they was Injuns around and the preach
er picked out the safest place. IN
dianapolis Journal.
.'Tain't only English people drops
their aitches," said little boy to the
new teacher. Inever heard no Amer.
lean pronounce the aitch in my name.
"What is your name2" asked the
teacher. Johnny" said the little
boy. .-Harper's Bazar.
College Student-"How did you
come to lose the game?" Captain
('varsity nine)-"Why, their pitcher
and catcher had set of signals that
we couldn't possibly understand or
get on to-they kept calling out to
each other in Latin. Puck.
/ He stared at her with bulging eyes.
She had a boxing-glove on her lefl
hand and hammer in her right.
"M-my DEAR" he stammered, "wh-
what are you going to do?" Idiot,
she snapped. ''I'm going to drive
tacks. cleveland Plain Dealer.
Tommy" said father to his pro.
cocious fve-year-old son and heir,
"your mother tells me she gives you
pennies to be good. Do you think
that is right?" "Of course it is, re-
piled Tommy. ''You certainly dom
want me to grow up and be good fol
nothing, do you?"-Chicago News.
Parent-"Who is the LATEST boy il
your class, Johnny?" johnny"
dunno" 81 should think you would
know. When all the others are in
dustriously studying their lessons, wht
is he that sits idly in his seat ant
watches the rest, instead of working
himself?" "Why, the teacher. Gin
cinnati Enquirer.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
A FUTILE EFFORT.
witherby Thought He Was Safe, but ne
Forgot the FIaxseed.

sI have not q moment to lose"
As Witherby whispered these words
to himself he hurried off his walking
shoes, and, encasing his feet in noise
less slippers, stepped softly to the
head of the stairs and listened intent
ly. Yes, she was busy in the kitchen.
Rapidly going to the linen closet, he
opened the door furtively and gazed
within. There, amid a ghostly array
of bottles, he detected his old enc
mics, the camphorated oil, turpen'
tine, and Mother Winklenod's sure
cure for coughs. There, also, re-
posed the deadly box of double
strength mustard plasters that,
even as he gazed, drew tears to his
eyes. With the cool intrepidity of
brave man in the face of danger,
Witherby gathered the whole mass OF
carbolated mixtures, syrups, boxes,
bottles and powders into a great paper
bag, and, with the training that YET
fingered from his days on the baseDaii
field. threw his burden with straight
aim out of the back window into the
open mouth of waiting ash can.
There" he muttered, triumphantiy,
"if this cold develops during the night
nv wife won't have a chance to try
any of these remedies on me-"
1t was two o'clock in the morning.
In spite of his utmost effort, Witherby
had sneezed one moment before. Mrs.
Witherby, like a white-robed guardian
angel, stood instantly at his bedside.
| II knew that cold was coming on,
she said, with a joyous, therapeutic
sniff.
"Nonsensew replied Witherby.
Cant a man sneeze? Besides, he
added, securely, ''there isn't a thing
YOU can do for me. You've tried aDoEs
everything ON me-"
NO l haven't" replied Mrs. WITH
erby. with a glad smile and brooding
hen manner that BODIED no good to the
victim. Il haven't tried fiaxseed. For
| tunately, bought two pounds To-Day
! and it's downstairs in the kitchen now'
| and I'll have a red-hot plaster on your
chest in ten minutes. Life
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
TRICKS OF THE WAR CORRESPONDENTS
Their Novel Ruse to Mollify q Stern Chiei
Commissary.

People outside the pale often wonder
how newspaper men are able to ac-
complish certain matters that seem to
present innumerable obstacles. Here
is how the trick was done In one III
stance. After the landing had been
effected at Baiquiri, Cuba, forty war
correspondents marched up and down
the beach at that place breathing dire
vengeance on everything and every
body they came across. The Unlted
States Government through It's repre-
sentatives at the front had served Oh
us due notice that not one pound or our
baggage could be transported from
Baiquri to Siboney in a Government
vessel under any circumstances, re-
lates the correspondent of the san
Francisco Chronicle. Well, among
other trifles that this order would have
compelled us to carry along for four-
teen miles were a BoZacott oven,
weighing over 200 pounds, large
number of tents, valises, cameras, Din
oculars, revolvers, medicine chests, etc.
This would have been n task for forty
Samsons, even if the distance had only
been across a music hall stage; In the
sweltering heat of Cuba the job was
an impossible one for us. 1t was
question of getting round a stern COM
mand from the War Department or
of going to the front empty-handed
and depending on cocoanut milk for
our sustenance. The chief officer IN
, charge of the moving Of store and bag-
gage from one of these ports TO the
other was the son of q multl-mllllon'
| aire, so bribery was too lame propo'
sition to advance. Finally we held a
meeting, with the result that that night
forty war correspondents went ou'
chicken-stealing. We scattered in all
| directions into the hills to look foi
/ chickens. Next morning at daylight
everybody turned up again safe and
sound at Baiquiri, and as result OF
the chase two birds of an uncertain
age lay on the ground in front of us
1t was stated at the time. and never
denied. that these interesting feather
ed creatures were the only two or thell
clan alive on the island. and that the
man who stole them had found then
the sole remaining playmates OF an IN
surgent family in a cellar at Juragu
acita, where they had been running
around for three years hidden from
the depredations of the Spaniards. The
neck of one was tied with Dlue rlp
bon. the others was wreathed II
red. The man who stole them told III
that their owners called one chi
ouita" ana the other 'Encantadora.
We plucked and cleaned them an'
sent deputation with them to Ill
mightiness the chief comnissary. WIZ
had been living OH hard tack for tel
days instead of Delmonico dinners. II
one hour all our goods and chatter
were at Siboney.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
An Ornithological Mystery.

There was general excitement at
Lime Ridge, Wis.,, recently when a
flock of American passenger pigeons
passed north over that place, the flock
being a mile long and so dense as 10
nearly obscure the sun. Their ap-
pcarance has created interest, as these
birds have not been seen for twenty
years, and even specimen hunters
could not secure single bird. They
formerly roasted near Lime Ridge, and
came every summer by millions to nest
and breed. The people made pigeon
hunting one of the principal sources OF
revenue in those days. They were
slaughtered by the hundreds OF pounds,
but still seemed to increase in number.
They suddenly disappeared and were
supposed to be extinct until their re-
cent appearance.
Several theories were advanced as to
their disappearance, some thinking
they had gathered on the eastern sea-
shore in great numbers and had been
driven out and perished. Others
claimed an infectious disease had de-
stroyed them. However this may be
they are not extinct. 1t is great mys,
terry where they have been for so many
years, as they have not frequented
their southern feeding grounds during
the winter for the same length Of time
The only possible theory now is tina,
they migrated to South America. The
people will do everything in their pow
er to protect the birds from being
needlessly slaughtered, and 1t is hoped
they NAV become as numerous as for
merly.-Minneapolis Tribune.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
A Resourceful Sergeant.

On arrival of the Duke and Duchess
OF Connaught in Khartum it was
thought by the troops that the right
thing to do would be to decorate the
place as much as possible. Accord
lngly, with infinite pains and much
energy, triumphal arch was erected
to the great satisfaction of all con-
cerned. A picture of the queen and
the Prince of Wales graced the arch,
but no pictures of the duke or duchess
were to be obtained for love or money.
Advice was therefore sought from one
of the English sergeants there, and be
advised their placing notice between
the two portraits referred to bearing
the inscription: "Let 'em all comet
This was accordingly done, and their
royal highnesses were much amused
thereby, the duchess insisting on tax
ing n snap shot OF the arch. -Egyptiar
Gazette
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
FRIENDLY ADVICE
Tender Solicitude Of the Schooimaster
Saved the Mans Life.

According to Inspector General
Breckenridge, who has recently return
ed from Cuba and Porto Rica, the
sense of moral responsibility or the
average Cuban is extremely limited.
This was strongly impressed upon him
one day at military station near San
tiago. A gang of bandits had Deen
rounded up by the troops ana WIN
them n dozen horses stolen from a
plantation in the vicinity. The general
took a look at the prisoners and notic-
cd among them n man who appeared
to belong to better class than his
companions He was called Forward
and through an interpreter the gen
eral questioned him.
"How did you get mixed up IN
this?" asked the inspector general.
II had nothing to do with the AFFAIR."
WAS the reply. II am the schooi
teacher in the district where these
men live and l gave them advice. l
give every one advice who comes for
it,"
But" suggested the officer who
accompanied General Bfeckelriuee'
..that fellow told the robbers to cut
off the hand of the owner or the
horses"
ASK him why he made such ma.
lignant suggestion" said the geheral
to the interpreter.
The question was put and the school
teacher shrugged his shoulders. Ihe
.cacioue' does not understand" he
said. "It was l who saved the pro-
prietor's life. These men came to me
with him and said: He Will not pa!
us what we demand. Shall we XII
himY Then, as they asked me 1ol
advice, l said No, do not Kill MN
Cut off one hand; he will pay you them
They did as 1 advised, the money was
paid and l had saved the mans hfe
There is surely nothing malignant
about that. am his friend.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
Rancho Telephones.

A few months ago the ranchmen OF
Seward County, Kan, met to propose
a nlan of connecting their raches by
telephone facilities, utilizing the barb
wire fences instead of setting poles
and stringing wires. 1t had been DEM
onstrated that fence wire worked
perfectly for a telephone connection.
The scheme was favored by the stock
men, and n local company was formed,
with headquarters at Liberal, that
being the nearest telegraph point.
Lines have since been constructed
and are in operation, extending from
Liberal over the whole of Seward,
Stevens and Morton counties, Kansas,
and have reached out into Beaver
County, Oklahoma, and Hansford
County, Texas. Many Of the ranches
in this ideal grazing country are stu
ated miles from railroad and telegraph
facilities.-The Electrician.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
HodJ. J.Sas1aboAM
When to Shake Hands.
E&ll;l:lElY9e


Here are some simple rules for a
hostess to observe in the matter Of
shaking hands:
A hostess should shake hands with
every guest who comes to her house,
whether her own friend or the friend
of her friend, both on arrival and de-
parture.
A young girl introduced to an older
woman should await the action Of the
elder. who, If kindly disposed, will
shake hands.
Any man presented to a woman. un-
less he is decidedly elderly or distin-
guished,. must wait for her to make a
movement toward shaking hands, and
when one woman presents to another
the man accompanying her, it is the
duty OF friendship. as we'll as hospital
ity, for the man to be met with a cor
dial handshake.
Ordinarily, however, women are not
supposed to shake hands with men
when they are presented to them.
This holds good even at dinner par
ty, where a woman for the first time
meets the man who Ia to take her to
dinner.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
Tom N2's. Sunter
| to Mrs. Plnhham.
[lrfrra TO MRS. r1NxHAx NO. 76,s44l

rLEfrER TO MRS. PINKHAM NO. 76,s44]
"One year age last juno three doc
tors gave mo up to die, and as had at
different times used your Vegetable
Compound with good results, l had too
much faith in IT to die until had tried
II again. was apparently an invalid,
was confined to my bed for ten weeks.
II believe my trouble was liberation Of
womb),
AFTER taking four bottles Of the
Compound and using some OF the Liver
Pills and Sanative Wash, at the end OF
two months ! had greatly improved
and weighed 155 pounds, when I never
before weighed over 1as. Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound is the
best medicine ever used, and recon-
mend isto all my friends. ."-MRs. ANNA
EVA GUNTER, HIeaINsvILLE, Mo.
Mrs. narnhart EsjSys Life onos More.
"DEAn Mrs. PINKHAM-I had been
sick ever since my marriage, seven
years ago; have given birth to four
children, and had two miscarriages. 1
had falling Of womb, leucorrhoea, pains
In back and legs; dyspepsia and =
nervous trembling Of the stomach.
Now ] have none Of these troubles and
can enjoy my life. Your medicine has
worked wonders for me."-NRs. 3.
BARNHART. NEW CASTLE, PA.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
Grandfatbers' Clocks of To-day.

There were made in old times some
fine grandfathers' clocks with musical
attachments. O music box cOntrivance
that was operated by separate move
ment and made to play at the hours.
Such clocks sometimes come in to be
repaired, but they could scarcely be as
musical as the modern grandfather's
clock, equipped Us it is with a set OF
chimes. The modern clocks are made
In many styles, chiefly, however, in
colonial and other old designs. There
are used for the chimes tubular bells,
whose form adapts them perfectly to
the space at command within the
clocks tall case. The quarter, the half
hour, the three-quarters and the full
hour are marked most musically on
these chimes with one, two, three and
four rounds respectively, and then
comes the hour, struck on another bell,
the most musical of all, with a sound
like that of some deep-tOned bell far
away.
Such clocks are sold as articles OF
hall furniture and for their timc5:eep-
ing qualities as well, for use in both
city and country houses. In cases of
rich mahogany and of dark oak, per-
fectly finished, they are many of them
beautiful Grandfathers' clocks with
the modern improvements sell at $15C
to 5000 each, and they are articles of
steady sale.
.Ratber COSTLY. aren't thew" asked a
man who was looking at long row of
these clocks standing side by side in
the establishment where they are sold.
why, no. was the response. what
could you possibly get for the
money that would furnish hall better
or give more pleasure or be more use
| ful?"-New York Sun.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
nARNEssiNo THE NILE.
Scheme Worthy Of Rameses eF =
Pharaoh.

Scheme Worthy of Rameses ~ =
Pharaoh.
Engineering skill IL to rearrangs ma
ture's surface on the Egyptian frontier.
and pond back into Nubia q body OF
water 140 miles long. crossing the tro
pic Of Cancer and extending southwark
nearly to Korosko-a goodls- step On
the journey to Abu-Simbel and Wady-
Halfa-by means of great dam across
the Milo at Assuan, says the Century.
The pyramids and the Sphinx have
born testimony through the centuries
to the grandeur and power of execution
which dwelt within the Nile valley;
and what more fitting now that the
same valley be the theater Of gigan-
tic exploit, audacious perhaps, but GER
tain of success, and ministerins TO
mans necessities, rather than to MS
vanity? AS a building achievement
the scheme is on scale worthy OF
Rameses or a Pharaoh. To create in
the heart OF the African desert g. lake
having from two to three times the su-
perficial area Of Lake Geneva, In Swift
zerland, and control it with scientlnc
precision, SO that the impounded HOOD
may be turned into distant channels
at will, is a stupendous undertaking.
But the engineers claim that tneir
plans can be carried out to the letter;
they have estimated the exact cost OF
the dam. computed almost to the gal
lon the volume of water that Will De
imprisoned, and figured the necessary
resistance to be provided at every point
Of the masonry. In Cairo, the experts
of the ministries of public works and
| finance. likewise, have calculated to Q
nicely the sum from taxation that Will
come into the public treasury through
the countrys augmented productive
ness. Subordinate to the great dam. q
smaller one. not unlike the barrase al
the apex OF the delta, ten miles north
Of Cairo, is to be made at t'Assiut. Its
functions will be to give sufficient
head to the river to force the water
into the system of irrigation canals
that vein hundreds Of thousands o.
acres between Assiut and Cairo. The
completion of the Cairo barrage ut was
begun by Mehemet Ali Pasha, from
the plans of French engineer. but MOI
made effective until England took the
country in HANDY so developed cottor
culture as to add to the public revenue
Of the country at least $40 100000 annu
ally. It may be safely concluded tha
the Assuan reservoir is but one OF
series which will in time be construct
ed southwark to the Victoria Nyanza
The re-establishment Of khedival au
thority at Khartoum will determine
this.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
We. One case in particular he spoke

eve. One case in particular he spoke
of that caused me considerable aston
ishment, for l didn't know, l confess,
that the operation had been success
fully performed. He said he had re-
Gently taken out patients eye, seraped
the back of it and returned 1t to its
proper place. The patient. he said, was
never troubled by bad eyesight after
ward.
".That was difficult operation, doc
tor said l.
Eyes said he, 1T was
"I suppose you found it nee .ssary
to employ an anaesthetic?
eyes. did, he admitted.
"'What anaesthetic did you use, doc
tor? persisted.
"'Oh, we'll, unless you are familiar
with such operations you probably
wouldn't understand If l We're to tell
YOU. But-well, it was shaped some
thing like a spoon,' explained the EN-
inent specialist" ."-LewistOn Evening
Journal.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
4 DAY'oFF,A
I'm sorry for the lonely chaF
Who hasn't any boys;

I'm sorry for the lonely chaF
Who hasn't any boys;
Whose folks may stop and take nap
without fear OF noise;
Especially when with tireless vim
The circus band plays FREQ,
And Willie says I'm taking him
When he is taking me.
sympathize with him, dos
with none to toll him all
About the jumping kangaroo
And the giraffe, so tall.
To help him spell the words so long
Which curiously engage
His eyes, as plodding through the
throng,
He looks from cage to cage.
No curly head bends DER the print
Spread out upon his knee,
To gather some pictorial hint
or glories yet to be.
No treble notes of laughter check
His sneer at clownish skill,
No little arms glide round his neck
When all Is dark and still.
I'm sorry for him. 'Tis the truth.
For he has lost them all,
Those youthful joys which only youth
Has power to recall.
/ laugh at Times reminders grims
A trudge the sights to see,
And Willie says I'm taking him
When he Is taking me.
Washington Star.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
An Excellent Combination.

The pleasant method and beneficial
effects of the well known remedy,
SYRUP OF FIGS, manufactured by the
CALIFORNIA FIa SYRUP Co., illustrate
the value of obtaining the liquid laxa-
tive principles of plants known to be
incidentally laxative and presenting
them in the form most refreshing to tho
taste and acceptable to the system. II
is the one perfect strengthening laxa-
tive, cleansing the system effectually,
dispelling colds, headaches and fevers
gently yet promptly and enabling ono
TO overcome habitual constipation per-
manently. Its perfect freedom from
every Objectionable quality and SUBJ
stance, and its acting on the kidneys,
liver and bowels, without weakening
or irritating them, make it the ideal
laxative.
In the process Of manufacturing hga
are used, as they are pleasant to the
taste, but the medicinal qualities OF the
remedy are obtained from SIENNA and
other aromatic plants, by q method
known to the CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP
Co. only. In order. to get its beneficial
effects and to avoid limitations, please
remember the full name of the Company
printed on the front of every package.
CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO.
SAN FRANCISCO. CAL.
IoUIsvHLE. KY. NEW YORK. n =.
For sale by all Druggists.-Price soc per bottle
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

Soldiers returning to the United
States who have served beyond the
seas are sporting their foreign service
stripes proudly. This stripe, as new to
our army as foreign service is to our
history. Is a narrow bar Of red wern
low dawa an each sleeve.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
a Rare Bird in Germany.

Snipe are scarce in Germany. They
cost 81. IL apiece in the market, and
S125 apiece to amateur hunters. At
any rate it is known that 100 amateur
hunters spent so500 last year. rcar
Munster, hagging altogether twenty
birds.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

A Sheridan OIe) photographer says
he has discovered process by means
OF which q proof OF photograph may
be taken within 0 few momopts after
the sitting,
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12
coneerniu. the Shape Of au Anaesthet.

SUuCeruIHs Tue Shdpe OF du AndeStuet.C.
1t is Bath physician who tells the
following:
..Some time ago l happened to spend
the night in a country town not far
from Bath, and it happened that there
was stopping at the same hotel an
itinerant eye specialist.
I'VE drifted into conversation. and
during the course of the evening he
told me OF some OF the marvellous
apsratlobs he had performed on the
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

1t is the only cure for Swollen, Smartings
Tired. Aching Burning. Sweating Feet, ,Corns
and BunioAs. Ask for Aliens Foot-Ease,
powder to be shaken into the shoes. Sold
by all Druggists and Grocers and Sho
Stores, Csc. Sample sent FREE. Addres
Allen s. Olmstead, Leroy, n. Y.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

70 Cure Constipatioa Forever
4 6. 8. G. fail to cure. druggIsts refund money.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

Father Time has to face smokeless powder
in his battles with women.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

The majority of the walters in restaurants
are guests.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

Nine. Nevada, the prima donna, who
was 4 Miss wixcm OF Nevada. and II
now Mrs. Palmer, Is a god-daughter OF
Mrs. John Maokay.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

Clean blood means a clean skin. No
beauty without it. Cascarets, Candy Cathar-
stirring up the lazy liver and driving ali i'm.
purities from the body. Begin to-day to
Danish pimples, boils, blotches, blackheads,
and that sickly bilious complexion by taking
Cescarets,-beauty for ten cents. All drug.
gists, satisfaction guaranteed. l0c. 25c. Soc.
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

Fits permanently cured. No flts or nervous
ness fter first days use of DR.. Kline's Great
Nerve Restorer. $strial bottle and treatise free
DIR. X. II. KLINE. Ltd. 93l Arch ST., Phila, Fa
The Banner-Democrat., 1899-08-12

In fact, tetter, rfngworm and all skin disease
arc cured by Tetterine. Mr. Lee d. Martin, o
San Antonia, Texas, says: II am suffering win
violent case of eczema in my feet Please sent
me a box Of Tettertne. Mr.. Moore, OF Moore
Mcfarland, Gemr his, Tenn. Gays II cured hiii
OF a similar case" Sold at druggists toc boz o.
sent postpaid by J. T. Shuptrtne, savannah. Ga