davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
He Ate His FIJI,

A local Clergyman is telling joke on
himself He went to Chicago on bust
ness and was asked by family in his
church to call on married daughter
there. The pastor called and received a
hospitabe welcome They urged him
to come to dinner, but he had an en-
gagement. Then they remarked, "Well,
will You not eat little luncheon p
The hostess pointed as she spoke to a
small table on which were small dish
of salad, some bread and fruit. "Well,
! den care if | do, " replied the caller,
who drew up chair and began an on
slaught ON the provisions. He fancied
they had been arranged expressly for
him, and it was only after he had got
through that he noticed the blank looks
of the family. In fact, he had devoured
the entire luncheon which all had ex-
pected to eat.
MADAM, what must you think of
me?' he exclaimed to the hostess.
"But let me beg of you not to judge all
Kentuckians by me. am the sole
stupid one in our state.
He was equal to the lady whose
hostess showed her dish of water cress
at side table just before dinner was
served. Thinking it had just been pur-
chased, she stuck her hand in the dish
dressed with French salad dressing and
prepared to accompany the birds at the
meal. Louisville Times.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
From Welsh to Spanish.

A very long time ago the British
government ordered that English should
be taught in Welsh schools. AS result,
in 1860 colony of prosecuted Welsh
miners fled from the British tyranny
and settled in the deserts of Patagonia
These men were heroes, and with most
magnificent courage they dared to live
in a desert where not plant would
grow, where the water was brackish
and the heat intolerable. They We're
surrounded by wild tribes of hostile
savaGes and made them warm friends
they were ruled by foreign govern
ment and became loyal citizens.
Through long years of want and
famine they never despaired. They
have turned the desert into a beautiful
fertile country. have become rich, num-
Der 5000 people, have extended their
string of set dement's right across South
America own paying railway and
ship large crops of wheat, wool, ostrich
feathers and quanaco skins.
They left Wales to escape the tyranny
of the English language and now, rather
than talk Welsh, they converse largely
of their freedom in excellent Spanish.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

One West Madison street druggist
lost customer through his fondness for
pets. He has a large green parrot, and
the cage is hung near the telephone,
with the result that Polly has become
quite proficient in telephone talk and
furnishes much amusement to the GUS
toners who have the time to stop and
listen.
The other day stylishly dressed
young lady came rustling into the store
and asked permission to use the phone.
The druggist pointed to the rear of the
store, and she started in that direction.
The store was rather dark, and when
she heard some one apparently talking
into the receiver she seated herself ON a
chair to wait.
Hello central-hello, hello-yes,
give me four eight express. Yes,
hello; who is that? Oh, yes what, yes
hello, l say; no, l didn't get that; is
that SOP Well, gcodby; ring off. Hello,
central; hello, hello} give me"-and so
on and SO on through several repeti-
tions.
Then she rose and advanced with a
stately air to the clerk and asked if he
thought "that person" intended to use
the telephone all day.
"Why, that only the parrot; he
But the front door had slammed be-
fore he could finish his sentence. Chi
cagO News.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
OLD SOILS RIDE IN 184o.
FlOwery Weather Predictions of tho
JournnIists of Long Ago.

Journalists of Long Ago.
In these days of practical newspa.
per writing, in which bald facts are
form, the tiowery language INDUCED
in by some of the journalists" half u
century ago sounds peculiar. The
following poetic CONFUSION was copied
by one of the local papers from the
New York Tribune in 1919 as worthy
Of a high place in the newspaper lit
erature of the day:
ION Saturday evening at II minutes
past IL o'clock the sun rode calmly
and mildly over the autumnal equinox
and cast his golden anchor on the win
try coast of autumn. But as yet the
vast ocean of air through which he
sails is glowing and transparent with
the memory of the long summer days
that have passed over it. darting their
rich beams to it's very depths. Even
as we write, however, the remem-
brance fades, like the sky's blanching
souvenirs Of sunset, and in the dis
lance the cold ghosts Of winter glare
and wave their frozen wings, which
creak on icy hinges, while in the 81
lence Of midnight n prophetic voice of
wailing and desolation means fitfully
at the easement"
Few people can contemplate this
specimen of literary architecture with
out experiencing a feeling of awe and
sadness, with a few cold shivers on
the side. 1t is proof positive that the
profession has in some things gained
by what it has lost.-Albany Argus.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
WERE DEATH ON CORN.
The Doc Gives II Little Lesson In
Natural History.


There used to be an eccentric old
character in our neighbOrhoOd," said
planter from one of the upper par
ishes, "wEo went by the name of Doc
Johnson. He had never been 40 miles
from the settlement in his life and was
barely able to read and write, but he
was naturally n sort of Jack of all
trades, and somehow or other he ac-
Qulred tremendous reputation for
sagacity.
whenever an argument arose among
the country folks Doc Johnson was
pretty certain to be called in to decide
it, and as he would rather have died
than to have admitted ignorance on
any subject some of his statements of
fact were amazing in the extreme.
zone day farmer in the vicinity re-
celved letter from his son, who had
moved up to Iowa, saying, among 9th
err things, that the corn crop was look
ing bad and the country was being
Overrun by immigrants. The last word
stumpcd the old man, and after puz-
Zling in vain over its meaning he hap
pencd to see Doc and called him in
Johnson knew from the peculiar
warmth of his greeting that he was
going to be asked to solve some knot
ty problem and at once assumed the
wisest air.
doc said the farmer, pointing to
the mysterious passage in the letter,
what in thunder does that boy mean
by immigrants? What air they like,
anyhow
johnson spelled through the para
graph, and, noting the reference to the
bad corn crop, began rapidly to put two
and two together
immigrants" he exclaimed to
gain time. Why, thought everybody
knowed what they was"
"'Air they critters" asked the farm
er cautiously.
They is replied the Doc, a kind
Of err cross between n 'possum and a
coon, and III tell you what he added
impressively-'th Jest simply death
on corn New Orleans Times Demo
crat
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
Wanted to See That Foot.

On the principle that to some persons
even old stories are new, this one. Of
the royal princelinss of England, is
given in Mr.. G. W. E. RusselPs recent
book, "CollectiCns and Recollections :"
An English gentleman who had Il de-
formed foot was going to visit the
queen ut Osborne, and before his arrival
the queen and Prince Albert debated
whether it would be well to warn the
Prince of Wales and the princess royal
of his physical popularity, so as to
avoid their making embarrassing re-
marks, or to leave it to their own good
feeling.
The latter course was adopted. Lord
- duly arrived. The foot elected no
remark from the royal children, and the
visit passed off with success. Next day
the princess royal asked the queen;
"Where is Lord --T'
"He has gone back to London, dear l"
ooh, what pity He had promised
to show BERTHE and me his FOOT"
They had caught him in quiet spot
and made their own terms with the
captive.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
A Chair of UncIefsm Needed.

Unclehood is about the hardest hood
man has to wear, and, as I have observ-
ed uncles and their habits, they either
spoil or repel the small chaps and chap
posses who happen to be made their
nephews and nieces by an accident of
birth. Uncles are either intensely
genial or intensely irritable, and as EAR
as l am concerned 1t is my belief that
our colleges should include in their car
riculum n chair of "uncleism."
Unclehood is n relationship that man
has to accept. 1t is thrust upon him.
He can't help himself TO be a father
or a mother is n matter of volition. But
even in a free country like our own, if
a man has brother or a sister, he is
liable to find himself an uncle at any
time whether he wishes to be one or
not. Then when it happens he's got to
reason out course of procedure with.
out any basis in previous experience
John Kendrick Bangs in Woman's
Home Companion.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
A BRIGHT IDEA.
But Wcary's Paid Found Fatal
Flaw In the scheme.

Flaw In the scheme.
Pete" exclaimed Mcandering Mike,
"T'm gittn restless"
Don't do it. Take t'ings easy while
ye kim"
Ever since 1 dropped into dat lee
ture hall last winter to git warm I've
had somet'in on me mind, an l can't
git it loose. 1t rankles in me CON
science an overhelms me wit rc'liz-
in sense of de resistlcsSneSS of fate.
Dis life amt nottin but one hard luck
story any way you take it. But man
of brains kin sometimes git de best of
de situation"
"Dat lecture mus of sunk into yer
system deep"
at did. But I've got a scheme datll
help out. De mex time we takes 4
freight train We'll take one goin
east"
what fur?"
Ibid you ever hear Of velocity"
"Sure. Dey's got tree wheels, an de
kinchens tries to run over you wit
'em."
Oats close to, but not next. Veloc-
ity is what de world moves wit. It's
so many miles second. We're goin it
all de time, shown from west to east,
an when you thinks ye're restin it's on
ly another delusiOn an n snare. Ye
can't stop movin."
"Well," asked Flooding Pete, discon-
tentedly, "what're you going to do
about it,"
"Jes' what l told ye. De worlds
movin from west to east. De only
chance to neutralize de swiftness is to
take train goin from east to west. l
dunno as we kin hope fur any actual
repOse, but it's de only chance l see
fur comm anywheres near it."
Its bright idea, but it won't do"
"Why not?'
at only works one way. We can't
keep on ridin west furever. An tink
of de double eXertiOn when we have
to turn aroun an come de other way"
Washington Star.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
A Translation.

''In one of the schools of this city,"
says the Worcester Gazette, 1.-The teach
er. intending to relieve the monOtOny
Of the regular exercises, asked the pu-
pills If they would not like to sing. OF
course there was an instant clamor in
the affirmative, and then the teacher
asked what song they would prefer.
One little boy, in his eagerness TO make
the selection, spluttered out something
which the teacher did not catch. Turn
ing to the boy across the aisle, she ask
ed what Johnnie said. Please came
the unexpected answer, he says he
wants to sing His Country, IT'S Of
HIM."
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
His Opinion.

81 am afraid" said the man who
speaks hastily, that you don't know
what your opinions will be five minutes
from now"
Just then messenger boy entered
and the German delegate to The Hague
remarked:
You see how you have wronged me.
All l need do to find out what my
opinions will be is to open this tele-
gram from the emperor. Washington
Star.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
MaIariR's Victims.

Major Ross said in recent lecture
ut Liverpool that malaria was not so
dramatic disease as cholera; it did
not kill so quickly, but it killed far
more people. In India it killed about
100000 people a year. 1t was also
a politically important disease, because
II checked the progress of civilization
In districts the richest in the world.
killing more OF the English army than
were killed by the enemy.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
Ordering Break fast In Indin.

Shortly after her arrival in India a
young woman missionary was allowed
to order breakfast for the household in
order to test her progress in the Ian
guage She intended to ask for fresh
eggs, but used the wrong words saying
to the astonished cook. "You may bring
us, this morning, an old blind man,
nicely boiledl"
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

1--WE got the money to back my Of
fer, - said the ponderous citizen, land
I'd give fortune to anybody who could
show me how the reduce my weight, -
And I'd do the same for anybody
who would stop my hair from falling
out By the way, how did you make
your money Washington Star.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

"And the tornado blew your house
clear over on its side? 1t must have
been terrifying experience"
Yes; we felt good deal upset over
lt."-Chicago Tribune.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
How They Gamble.

"Girls are inveterate gamblers" he
asserted.
"Prove it," she demanded
isn't marriage lottery? he asked.
Chicago Post.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

and how did you come to marry
him."
81 didn't come to marry him." an
swered the womanly little woman in
dignantly, 'he came TO AIRY me-
Chicago Post
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

Some womcn's costumes which are
described as symphonies in color might
better be classed. if one may judge
from their loudness, as Wagner over.
tires. Record.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

She-Remember. Israel, that silence
is golden.
He Cuefully)-I believe you're right
about that, my dear, and | wish had
gold enough to buy it.-Richmond Dis
patch.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
The Demonstration.

Put that cigar out or get out your
self" said the conductor.
Nevertheless the ungentlcmanly pas
senger insisted upon blowing the fumes
into the women's faces, until, with one
grand sweep, he was landed upon the
hard and cruel payement-the conduct
or thus demonstrating that where
there's much smoke there Is apt to be
a little fire.-Cleveland Leader.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
To Effect n Change,

Tom IIightly-Tm going to stop run
ming around so much. To tell the truth
I'm tired of having n good time.
Arthur Henpeck-Then why in the
name of sense don't you marry ?-Har
lem Life
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

Quite Likely.

"Who do you think will run In next
years campaign" asked the political
boarder.
"Aguinaldo," promptly responded the
fighting boarder "if the Philippine
campaign is still going on."-Chicago
News.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
AnNious For PnrticuIars.

"Oh, by the way, hear that Minnie
Is engaged to professor
"You don't say! What kind, chiropo-
alst, palmist or horseshoer?'-Chica
Times Herald
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

Mrs. Church-Is your husband par
ticular about the brand of cigars he
smokes?
Mrs. Gotham-Very; he always locks
them up.-Yonkers Statesman.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
ADAMS
Express Company.
CEND YOUR GOODS BY THE ADAMS
- EMPRESS COMPANY.

CEND YOUR GOODS BY THE ADAMS
- EMPRESS COMPANY.
And when you order goods shipped by Ex-
press, have them come by the ADAMS, the
ONLY THROUGH COMPANY doing bust,
ness in this town.
With that Company you get the benefit of
a Hromgh rate CHEAPER than you have
been paying heretofore.
Why not give your business to the Compa-
ny that made cheaper rates for the people of
Frostburg and vicinity?
Ifyou have anything to send away, drop a
card to me through the post office and will
come at once and get it.
~ Try our Money Orders. payable at
any Bank or Express Office in the country.
w. C. WRIGHT, Agent.
Office next door to F. c. Bealrs store.
Dec II
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

This book contains 10i pages (,ize liiiXlOla in.
has 10000 illustrations, ald quotes 100000 articles at
wholesale prices to consumer. Here is the book:
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02
Miscellaneous advertisements.


Just issued, a wonderful catalogue of everything
TO eat wear and use 1t costs 81 cents 10 print
and II cents to mail each copy.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1899-09-02

Times Herald.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-08-04
BRITISH INTERESTS LOOKED AFTER.

London. Aug. S.-The Parliamentary Secretary Of
the Foreign once. William 81. John Brodrlck re-
plying in the House OF Commons to-day TO Walter
Runcieman, Liberal, member for Oldham. said the
attention of the Government had been called to
Circular No II. dated February s. 1899 issued by
the Bureau OF Navigation at Washington He
added that tho questions affecting British shipping
which might arise In connection with the United
States law referred TO In the circular were receiv-
ing the careful consideration OF the Government
Answering a question put by Sir Henry Stafford
Northcote. Conservative Member for Exeter and
formerly Financial Secretary OF the War Office
Mr. Brodrick said the Government had decided
to appoint commercial agents in America, Russia
China and Switzerland.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-08-04
MRS. PEROT AND CHILD IN COURT.
SCENE IN BOW STREET WHEN THE MOTHER
WAS ARRAIGNED. CHARGED
WITH ABDUCTION

London. Aug. 3-Mrs. William Y. Perot. OF Balti-
more Nd, who arrested at Liverpool on an
extradition warrant July g. after reaching that
port from Canada. charged with the abduction Of
her daughter Gladys. and who was brought here
and rcmanded the same day 100 bail. with two
sureties. appeared for examination this morning In
the Bow Street Police Court. She was again re-
manded on the Same bail and with the same sure
ties Sir q. Ewen-Smth and y Blood.
Mrs Pcrot was tasiefuly dressed in cream
embroidered costume and wore sailor hat 10
match n. She looked remarkably well. and entered
the court holding Gladys by the hand. escorted by
her brother. r. Pierce. by Lady Colin Campbell.
dressed in spotted muslin. and looking grave and
sad. and by her two youngest brothers
Mr. Blood. a brother OF Lady Colin Campbell who
accompanied Mrs Perot 10 this country. and who
reached tho court few minutes later was warmly
greeted, an all around Handwriting following his
arrival. Sir G Ewen-Srnth was tho next interested
person to arrive. He conyerscd At length with
Lady Colin Campbell.
There was some excitement in the courtroom
when W II Perot the father-ln-law - Mrs Pcrot.
entered accompanied hy Mr.. Iodson. Of tho United
States Embassy. MIR Hodson pointed TO where the
opposing party was seated and said.
There they are. Those are Blo0ds brothers and
sisters"
But where IS GIadys'' inquired Mr. Perot.
There. In the pink costume" answered Mr.. Hod-
con.
The tall. stately old gentleman advanced 10 greet
the child but she hid her face IN her hands, NUT
teTng:
81 don't wish 20 speak 70 you"
But my dear" he replied. II have a letter from
your father and he sends his love"
Thereupon Mr.. Perot handed Gladys a blue gray
envelope The child. weeping copousy. did not
answer Mr. Perot.
During this scene the mother had been summoned
TO the prisoners dock, and seeing her little daueh
ter I'm tears Mrs Perot divided wistful chances be
tween the Magistrate. Franklin Lushineton. and
Gladys.
Mr.. crane representing the United States En-
bassy said that eXtraditon papers, marked
Urgent" and PRESSING" were handed this morn
ing 10 officials Of the British Foreign Once" ana
were now on their way 10 the Home Office. some
days must necessarily capse, he added, before
Magistrates hands Therefore. Mi Crane asked
that the prisoner be remHnded.
Counsel for Mrs. Perot acqGesced 70 this
In the mean while Mr.. Perot. sr., stood by the
dock. regarding the prisoner In whitening man
ner and evidently much hurt hy the reception ac-
corded him by GLADYS Eventually The party hnt
red out OF court. evidently relieved by the eNped-
ton Of the proceedings Ar,
A REPRESENTATIVE OF The Associated Press saw Mr.
Perot who arrived at Liverpool from Ne" ork on
board the White Star Line steamer Majestic. We
yond a few broken sentences, such as, ! cannot
understand II. II Is arranged ! VIII ada nothing,
he would not enter any further into the case
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-08-04

tanned an order from Judge Thomas. or the
United States District Court, staying such ex-
animation for year. unless they apply for their
discharge in the mean time.
j. w. Hyde. one of the members OF the firm
OF Adams & Hyde. attorneys for the bankrupt
firm said last evening that HOrgan Slattery
had taken this step in order 10 rid themselves
Of these old obligations. The contracts held
by the Morgan q Sattery corporation said
Mr.. Hyde will not be affected in any way by
the filing Of this petition. What interest each
holds in this corporation do not know. These
debts were contracted by them when they were
in the building business The questions as 10
what their present income is and whether there
Is any means offset these liabilities will be
brought out at the examination before the ref
cree"
Mr. Horgan absolutely refused TO say word
about the matter. and Mr.. Slattery. IL was re-
ported, out Of town last evening.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1899-08-04
A LARGER ARMY FOR OTIS.
SECRETARY ROOT SAID TO CONTEMPLATE
INCREASING THE FORCE TO FORTY
THOUSAND MEN.

Washington. Aug. at appears probable
from developments in the last two days at the
War Department that Secretary Root has IN
contemplation an army Of forty thousand men
for the Philippines
Mr.. Root has been making diligent inquiries
among the bureau chiefs regarding supplies and
equipments and the trend OF his questioning
has been in the direction OF an increase in the
force I'm the islands.
The belief is growing in Army circles that the
Secretary has practically matured plan TO
make General Otiss available force at least
forty thousand men.
The number of enlistments yesterday was SSi.
making a total Of 1903 Colonel Bells regi-
ment. the 9th at Camp Meade. Is now above
its quota. making two regiments complete.
Secretary Root left Washington this evening
for New York II is likely that he VIII go TO
Lake Champlain to see the President before he
returns.