The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-08-15
Mr.. Rowssr Goes Bathing.

While sae realized that the Allan
&c Ocean was a good deal bigger than
Mr. BowzeT. she also had every reason
% believe that II things dila't 60 just
right he'd pick "A fuss and make things
hot She finally consented TO the rip.
however, and Do due time they gazsd upon
INC vet sands and The tumbllug surf and
slined the ozone.
by George. but this does me good
does me g0odT exclaimed Mr.. B0wser, as
De- walked 20 and fro. i feel ds & /
could swim a race win a shark and beat
him by five lengths. Why In the name OF
goodness didn't we think 10 rig Up. and
bring along a couple OF bathing suits?"
Because We don't want 10 battle she
replied.
But We do" he insisted. TITS ten
years since ] had a swim IN the ocean.
and I'm bound to try 1t. We can hire
bathing SUITS, Of course and within half
an hour III have you swimming like
frog Hurry up and get ready"
There were about fifteen iron-plated
reasons why Mrs. Bowser didn't want
him 10 tackle the Atlantic, and she
claimed 90 have a headache, sore throat,
and ii chilly feeling She also said;
III were you I'd let 1t go. You always
Use sea salt al home you know
But ] want the swim-the exhilarat4On
Of the surf" he replied. Lands. But
bali an hour in there ought to take five
years of a mans life"
10 was no use for Mrs. Bowser 20 object.
lie was bound for salt water with foam
on D. and as he started for bdthhOuse
20 get a suit she began wondering now
and where the row would break Ouc
Mr.. BOwscr's appearance IN bathing
suit fifteen minutes later settled that
question. Al the bathhouse they had
given a man weighing $50 pounds and as
broad as barn door a suit 10 fit a man
who could have crawIed through a knot
hole. Mr.. Bowser had used hydraulic
pressure TO get iHto that suit, and he had
scarcely appeared on the peach when
there were shouts OF:
Who owns that elephant?' Behold,
the father Of all whales whoever
heard Of a ThinOceros taking a surf
bathg' Make way for the prize por-
poise"
Mr.. Bowser heard the cries, but It never
occurred TO him that they were directed
his way. He paraded up and down the
beach with folded arms for few min
utes TO get ready for mis- plunge. and then
halted before Mrs. Bowser 10 say:
This beats going a-DiackbeTTying all to
pieces, and YOU make a great mistake in
not coming in. Don't get scared II you
see me half a mile beyond the surf.
TWO things happened as soon as Mr..
Bowser Was up TO MS knees in water. The
V ater was cold, and as he found his
teeth chatteriug and chills going up his
back he paused to wonder why the ocean
was not steam-hedtod. Three or four men
took advantage of his hesitation TO run
L md n.4
kicked around he cut his foot on clam
shell He got up and coughed and Wheel
I'd and spluttered, and Mrs. Bowser's
heart was in her mouth. She expected to
see a fight, or that he would limp out in
disgust, but TO her establishment he
seemed to take both things as part of the
game. After getting his breath he headed
for England and waded out four or 1--WE
feet farther and stood there for a mo
ment like Ajax defying the lightning. The
surf was rolling in good and strong, and
he was BOWS on" to IL. He was prepar-
ing for a dive when a seventh wave came
along and reached out for solar plexus
blow. A good many people were waiting
and hoping for just what happened ami
as Mr. BOWSeT was picked up and rolled
over and over until stranded on the beach
Ike a dead whale there was much laugh
Ter ana applause. MIS-. bONStf HuilltN
down to see if he was drowned He
wasn't. He had swallowed a barrel of
water and been bumped about, but he
WAS still in il. She was about 10 beg OF
him 10 cut the performance in two in the
middle when she saw the red come into
his face and his ears began to twitch. He
was getting mad, and she wisely walked
away TO let him go his own course. There
were those around him in the water how
ever, who offered advice. They advised
him 10 get OF his legs, TO swal-
low Il bushel OF sand for ballast;
to root like d clam; to send
his bay window ashore; to hire towing
tug and to bring down a flying machine
next time he came. Mr.. Bowser didn't
murder any of the advisers He didn't
even cripple any of them for life. In due
time he would be face to face with Mrs.
BoWser again, and there would be a set
Element 10 make her heart ache. He
couldn't swim a stroke, but others were
disporting and he was expected TO dis
port. BY and by, when the friendly ad-
Nisrrs had fallen away from him, he
started out again. There was just one
friendly adviser left. lie was a mean
looking man, who had probably spent
a year IN Jail for sheep-stealing, and
wanted revenge on somebody. What he
advised was:
See here, old haystack, you'd better
sit on the sand and let the water play
with your toes. II the mder:ow gets
hold of YOU yOun be ish bait in no time.
You are built for a steam roller instead
Of a swimmer"
The man got away at once, and that
meant another debit against Mrs. Bow
ser II also meant that Mr.. BOwser would
l. Ia.
up an sorts of didOs if lie were drowned
ten times over as the penalty. Straight
into the tumble and foam he Waded and
began to splash, and even when ne felt
jbe water cutting the sand from under
his feet and the und,rtoT pulling at him
he looked shoreWard in contempt. If
any such lop-shouidered, Knee-sprung,
one-horse man as Ajax could defy the
lightning, he could. But he couldnt.
The first thing ne knew he was drink
ing pailUls Of water and gasping and
EuTgling and choking. and then he began
10 see sky-rOCkets and 10 hear CHESTS
e. ling 10 each other, and he seemed 10
J.imble into bed and go TO sleep Rut for
the life guard Mr.. Bowser would have
been drowned. They seized him by the
ears and towed him in, ana as he reached
the beach other hands seized him by the
neck and dragged MIN clear OF the water
Mrs. Bowser was wonderfully cool At
her suggestion the unconscious Mr.. EGWser
vas stood on his head for a couple Of
minutes. Then a barrel was brought out
and re was laid across IL and rolled hither
and yon. Then he was rolled around on
the sand, his arms worked back and forth.
and after a long twenty minutes there
was a CULVER OF the eyelids a gasping for
breath, and hoodlum hather welded out:
'Hully-Eee, but de old founder is comm
back 10 life and 10 show Us some new
tricks"
Mr.. Bowser was lugged of 20 a n silion.
and willing hands helped Mrs. Bowser 10
administer brandy, beer whisky, sarsapa-
villa, soda water. pop and ginger l!e by
turns By and by he recovered his senses
and his interest ia life returned. Il took
him about five minutes 10 figure il out
and then he looked around for Mrs. Bow