Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1899-02-23

one made use Of the word luck and that
naturally suggested Mr. Unlukkus
THAT man." said the shoemaker
pausing in his work, ''never stays ont
of the soup long enough to get dry.
Never saw anything it. year ago
/ was in Danes wheelwrght shop
when he came in to buy wheelbarrow
Lord only knows what he thought he
wanted of wheelbarrow, but he
bought one and then when he was maxi
ing change, fell backward over it ana
broke his arm. That's just a specimen
of bis luck"
bah! there's no such thing as luck, .
said one.
"Mebby there amt" said the man
with the cream-colored goatec, "but
there's sunthin' that acts enough like it
to fool the undersigned anyhow. ! saw
that there same Unlukikus in one OF the
wust pickles that ever mortal man got
inter-suD thin that / don't believe
could a-happened to any other human
critter. 1t was at the burial OF 3 mem
Der of the order of Royal Bungstarters
and Unlukikus was a readin' the SER
vice. He was gettin' along fine, too.
You know what rich s'norOus, silyery
voice he has an tell you he made it
sound sollum. An right in the most
tacbfpS ~ i'm npaoqiua port 1anflcD,an
right where it says dust ter dust an
ashes ter ashes,' he forgot hisself an
took kind OF half step for'ard and
pitched keels over head right inter tho
grave. When he felt hisself a-gon' be
let out yell that you could hear from
Ballyhack ter breakfast. Oh! it was
awful. 1t jest turned the hull obsick-
wees inter circus. Purity nigh every
one 'ceptin' the late lamented snicker-
ed an the widder had highsteeric fit
But never did pity q man as / did I'm
lukikus-he felt so cut up. Why, the
man just laid right down in the grave
an begged 'em to fill her up an have no
more fuss about it, When a man, he
says, gifts ter be such a silver-plated
idiot, such q monumental intellectual
wreck that he can't keep hisself from
walking inter another mans grave with
his eyes wideopen,' says he, it's time
ter let him return to the yearning buz-
zum OF his mother airth, an ter begin
ter cultivate sweet violets an night
bloomin' dog fennel above his fool head.
I've capped the climax, says he. i've
reached the grandest, proudest heights
of dodderin' idiocy ever clumb by NOR
tai man. says he, AN now / am ready
to depart in peace. Why not let me
perish now, he says pleadin'ly, when
am ready ter die an everybody else is
ready to have meP An they actually
had ter haul the poor fellow out Of the
grave by force"
At this moment the subject of this
graphic narration entered and the shoe
maker with his usual ready tact, chang
cd the course Of the conversation by re-
marking that having reached the be-
ginning Of another year he had resolved
to give up the habit Of using tobacco.
Several others told of habits which they
had determined to lay upon the altar,
and the funny man turning to Mr.. I'm
lukikus asked: "Well. old man, which
of your pet vices are you going to gave
up?"
Me. Unlukikus had seated himself in
the only remaining chair and then had
drawn back few feet to get away from
the deadly fumes Of a particularly Of
fensive stoga that the funny man was
smoking. This brought him directly IN
der an old hanging lamp which usually
kept with the cobwebs that or
namented the ooiling, but now huns
about FIVE feet from the floor. Tiltinl
completely back in his chair he glared
at the funny man few moments before
replying to his question.
Il hadn't thought Of giving up any
thing" he said at last, ITO tell tn,
truth, though, did make one resOlu
tion this morning. You all know tha
l have the repu tation Of being very uH
lucky. have come to the conclusion
that owe by far the greater part of M
, misfortunes to the fact that ! am easil
excited and act too hastily. Igo of q
half-cock as it we're. What want
more selt-control During the year VI
: on which we are entering, shall kee
a strict watch over myself, | shall n
8 strain my natural impetuosity, / sha
try TO keep myself In q calm and plaei
+, state Of mind, l shall cultivate sci
3 poise-"
At this moment sounds from the streI
seemed 70 Indicate that dog fight vi
in progress in front Of the shop, an
Unlukikus sprang TO bis feet, bangin
a bis head againss the lamp With su'
d force that be fell back into bis chair.
h. Vow be yelled, "What In bll
! blazes are you doing7 Show ne the n
handed assassin that hit me on q
head with an axe. Where is hep 81
he jumped up again hitting The Lao