The times., 1899-08-03
THE PR0DIGAL SCRIBE.
being the Glad Parable of His RE-
turn to the ,IichiSrnfte~.


many prisons with the drowned, it came to
pass that the tribe OF Nichiganites had two
sons. And the elder OF these was an ,hus-
bandman and laboFed with the potatoes in
| the fields and remained with his tribe. But
the younger, being fat headed and OF much
pride, even unto the spinach which grew
| upon his chin, went unto his tribe and
spake, saying: Give unto me my portion
that may go hence and purchase q ruling
for myself, for have not heard that Hark
! Mama reigns and the Republican party
still lves?"
And they gave unto him his portion and
his living and he went forth. And when he
he'd come unto the King he learned that
only one ruling was to be bought And
this was the ruling OF the Scribe of War.
and he paid his portion and was made
| Scribe OF War. And behold there came
upon the land war and the Scribe of War
was exceeding fearful for he knew not of
wars where there was fighting. And Hark
Mamma, who was Tetrarch and who ruled,
seeing that the people must have war, went
into the houses of the powerful men of that
! land. And from the nurseries he took the
|
made Centurions of the warriors. And the
people hooted at the Scribe OF War for that
he had chosen infants and cried out, say
| Ing, "Bahi" and made such noises as do
the wild goats upon the mountains. And
the Scribe OF War would have answered
but that Hark Mamma forbade him, saying
Better is it to be mountain goat where
contracts are than stalled OK where there
are no pickings.'
! And Hark Mamma ruled with a rule of
| iron and the Scribe of War learned that
he was but slave and must do his bidding
And when the people saw what was being
done they roasted the Scribe of War, wha
| had no say. And the Scribe of War grew
real rambnnctious. and spake unto himself.
saying, Verify / might as well get my
f, fingers into the acid be charged with
the same" And he did So
| And many ships were purchased for
many shekels in money, and when these
ships went down to the sea they stopped
not until they had reached the bottom of
the sea. And many 'ands we're bought at
| great price, and when these lands were
used by the warriors as camps 1t was found
that they were bad lands. and were not
, good. And the greatest of the troubles
and plaques was the plague of beef. for
the beef was prepared by certain tribes
in Egypt and was embaimed. And no man
knew who it was that had purchased en-
balmed beef for the warriors, for the
beef handler. Aegean, said. Mot IT, and
Hark Mamma said. mot t. and when
the Scribe of War would also have said
Not T. great muzzle was placed upon
mis- mouth and he spake not.
And the Scribe of War became Prodigal
and the people hooted at him and at the
beef which had grown many styles and
shades OF hair and whiskers. And Hark
Mamma being foxy man and one of the
Ohioites case aside the Scribe Of War from
his ruling. and the Scribe of War went
forth into the land without portion and
without living. And he herded large con-
tracts of timed beef and was beef
herd and had no friends. And he fain
would have fed upon the whiskers and
the acid upon which the beef hrowsed.
but he knew that he would become an
embaltned man and not wholesome. And
when the people had hooted at him. cry
ing, GO hence, thou Rameses thou dealer
in timed ulcers. Thou art a mummy"
the Prodigal grew exceeding repentant,
and said, Il will arise and go unto my
tribe, and will say. ] have sinned against
thee and have been in the ring
And he left his herds OF timed beef
and departed unto his tribe OF Michigan
ties. And his tribe seeing him coming ran
out TO meet him and embraced him. say
ing, Verify, this is our son who was
dead and who is alive. and who was
chesty and is penitent.'' And the tribe
of Michiganites cried out unto the ser
wants. saying Go kill the embalmed calf
for the lost is found and the dead Is
alive
And they purged him of the beef which
was about him and placed clean robe
upon him and bathed his feet until the
boracic acid and the decomposition had
been cleansed. And they set out great
feast and went out into the highways and
byways and invited all of the tribes OF
the Kalamazoo River TO attend the feast
And the tribe of Michiganites fell upon
the neck of the Prodigal and wept for JOY
and they anointed his head with chloride
OF lime and his feet with sulphur that the
beef in him might not give forth strong |
odors. And the Prodigal cried out say
ing. Il have sinned against thee and have |
wasted my portion upon a thankless rul- |
ing. and l am flled with refrigerated ro-
morse and chemicals. -, And all was we'll |
But the elder son, returning from the |
potato patches, heard much music and re-
joicing. and seeing that the embalmed calf |
had been killed he grew wroth and said.
This is indeed a nice deal. Verify, have |
remained at home and cared for the po-
tatoes of the tribe and get nothing. whHe |
the Prodigai, who hath wasted his portion |
on beef and a Republican Administration
getteth all and a great feast is prepared"
But they comforted him. saying: ''Wair |
until the Prodigal gets his hammer out |
and begins to knock holes in the beef
ring. Verify. we shall be much amused
and shall grin"
And that city was filed with music and
rejoicing and the people cried with a great
voice, saying, Hail to him who was once
. beef but is now our chief" And they
carried him about until he was TO more
Prodisal and the scent of tuberculosis had |
departed from him But Hark Mama. who
was in another land, laughed with loud
grin and said, Verify it is better to be
Prodigai Goat than remain an official
Scapegoat for an Administration" And
much hair and whiskers were shayen from
tho heef nf the warriors and IN was ssnt 70