Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1899-10-26
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She-He Is his own worst enemy. He
Most sel-made men are.-Town
Topics. f.,sv
Madge-I always select tragic stories
for hot-weather reading.) Mabel-On
what principle. + dear? Madge-They
make my blood run cold.-Tit-Bits.
Mamma-Johnny. fear you were
not at school yesterday. Johnny-H'm!
l know the teacher told you. A woman
can never keep secret.-B Boston Trav.
eler. littni
Minister'S wife Wake up. There are
burglars in the house, John. Minister
Well, what Of it? Let them find out
their mistake Woman's
Journal. Fs
Maglstrate-Do you mean to say such
physical wreck as he Is gave you that
black eye? Complaining wife-Shure.
yer worship. he wasn't a physical
wreck till he gave me the black eye
Tit-Bits. t 1900 aak
"And you wouldn't begin journey
ON FrldayY Not l." II can't under
stand how you can have faith In such
a silly SUPERSTITION mo superstition
about 1t. Saturdays pay-day."-Pick-
Me-Up.
Mrs. Skinner-Wasn't that sad about
Mrs. Richman? Mrs. Goode-What?
Mrs. Skinner Her husband was
drowned with his six-karat diamond
stud on and his body can not be found"
Jewellers Weekly. rli
Squire's daughter-Good morning.
Marjorie. How are the twins, and
what names are you going to give
them? Marjorie-Well, miss. we've de-
cided to call one Kate" and tn other
"Duplikate. Punch.
do you employ electricity in the exc
cution Of criminals out West?" asked
the Eastern tourist. Sure" replied
Judge Lynch, of Arizona. I'VE have
used telegraph poles ever since can
remember."- Chicago News.
Miss Howler (who sings (O)-That
gentleman you just introduced me to
said he would give anything If he had
my voice. BY the way, what business
does he follow? Friend-He's an auc-
ClOUPeT.-Iup IuleuL IleCOIu.
Insurance superintendent (suspi-
ciously)-How did your husband hap
pen to die so soon after getting in
sured for a large amount? Widow
He worked himself to death trying to
pay the premiums.-Househo Words.
Lawyer-Since you can't deny having
shot the man, what then? Culprit-
Well, thought might claim to have
mistaken him for a deer. Lawyer
What good would that do you? It's
the close season for deer.-Detroit
Journal. tN sst
Lady (engaging Il nurse girD-I hope.
Marie, that you do not get fretful and
impatient over trifies. Marie-Wen,
ma am, can't promise. But, you know,
you wouldn't keep me Long If l didn't
mind the little Observation-Disclosures
Bulletin.
Harold had been told that God had
sold to mamma his little baby sister.
Not long after, in the same neighbor-
hood, three other babies made their APP
pearance. 81 guess" said Harold, God
must have had clearing-out sale this
time."-Judge.
The reposeful one-My dear, l wish
you would not be so energetic, VIII
you never rest? The fussy one-1 never
expect to be able to rest till l get In
my grave, and then 1t will be just my
luck that the next day will be the res
questionable.
THAT man Aguinaldo," said the COM
placent chump, appears to be indulg-
ing great deal In peanut politics"
'How so?' inquired the young man
who never eats veal. why, isn't he
numbered among those who also ramp
st. Paul Globe.
A summer success: Mrs. GofreQuent-
'oor Mrs. Upjohn looks miserable.
Mrs Seldom HONEYWELL, she isn't;
she's happy. She has the golf shoulder.
the trolley-car heart, the bicycle face.
and she thinks she's getting the hay
Chicago Tribune.
Hist whispered the first accom-
plice; there Is price upon your
head" "Heavens!" exclaimed the fe-
male villain, paling visbly; "can it be
possible that have forgotten to re-
move the tag from that bargain-counter
hat Record.
Electric cooking: Mr.. Justjoined-
What on earth are you trying to do?
Mrs. Justjoined-I was reading about
cooking by electricity, so l hung the
chops ON the electric bell, and I've
been pushing the button for half an
hour, but 1t doesn't seem to work.
Boston Traveller. i- 8aN
Diplomacy: why did you place such
tough fowl before meT asked the in
dignant lady patron Of the waiter IN a
downtown restaurant age before
beauty, always, you know, madam"
was the gallant reply. And then,
woman-like, she smiled and paid her
bill without a murmur.-Chicago News.
Amelia says that Georges proposal
was the most provoking thing she ever
encountered" How SOP" why. just
as soon as he had asked her to be his
wife he went right on and said. I
know this is so sudden" And what
did Amelia sayT' Say? Why. she
couldn't say a thing. He had just said
himself the only thing she was pre-
pared to say" well. what did she
do?" "She said, why. 1t isn't so aw-
fully sudden and then fell on his
neck"