davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

Seeing how much better it looks, ~
wonder why every merchant doesn't keep
his store neat.-W Washington (Ia.) Demo-
crat.
A Terrible Revenge.-First Bootblack-
"You had row with Nibsey, Billy Sec
ond Bootblack-"Yes, and I'm goin' tel
have my revenge, too" First Bootblack-
"Goin' to fight him." Second Bootblack-
"Naw, I'm goin' to stand aside of him when
he's a-shinin' gent, and when he's finished
Weekly.
"Your majesty" said the prime minister.
"this is the page who has been remiss in his
duty" "Aha!' exclaimed the king, wei:
have to bring him to book" "He! He!"
laughed the page; "a noble jest, I'll be
bound" Thereupon the kings heart soft
ened, for he marveled that man so young
could make so old joke.-Catholic Stand
ard and Times.
The Danger Point.-G oodale-'fB udgood's
Heodwink's 5" Rawson-"Why,I didn't know
he was burned out" Goodale-'He wasn't
But his place is next door to the fire, you
know"-Philadelph North American.
"Aud you are busy, are you?" intcrro-
gated the customer as ne pa1d MS check 10
the restaurant proprietor. BUSY! Why,
I'm so rushed don't get chance to go out
to get bite to eat!" was the unguarded
reply.-Yonkers Statesman.
First Elmiran-"How's your boy Zeke
gettin' along down in Moo York;" Second
Elmiran-"Wa-al, hain't heard from him
for long time, but guess he's gone into
the noospaper business, coz ] read in the
paper that he was correspondent in q big
lawsuit down there. "-Birmingham Times.
Johnny, Johnny, didn't ask you once
to stop whistling at the tablet" "Yes'm."
well, do you want me to ask you again ?"
brsska 8ad bsaks % y %akd do Son
mean, JOHNNY" "Well'm, you said it was
very impolite to ask for things twice It the
able. "-Pittsburgh Bulletin.
=
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13
&odJ Sa.1qboMM
Never slE5!l5s.y7,yz
Not O;,;te Re.dv can tbose who w.r

Hoods Pills cure liver ills; the nonirritatng and
only eatnartic to take with Hoods Sarsa parilla.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13
Surgical Needs.

Sprocket-Do you have to be examined by
q physician before you join the Wheelmen'a
club
Wheeler - No; afterward. ~ Yonkers
Statesman
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13
A WISH GRATIFIED.
The SlanEy Young Mans Sire Give.
Him the Wherewithal to
sRaisc the Dough-"

"My son." said the old gentleman VIII,
very properly objects to slang, Il hav,
been thinking over your request this morn
ing, and l am inclined to think l may hav,
been little hasty in my decision"
Thank you, governor"
81 believe in clearly understanding a cas-,
before reopening it. Now, as l remember
the conversation, your call at the offic,
was prompted by desire to raise the
dough-
"Never mind. ask for no explanations
l do not seek to inquire into all the trivia
whms of youth. l accept them as | do tn,
wild flowers among the grain. They ar,
useless, but they are cheering to contem
plate. There are many things l do not un
derstand, among them being golf, lawn
tennis and football. But do not assume
to interfere with your innocent diversion
any more than l undertake to keep track
OF the current fad. If you want to give ur
experiments with the chatting dish and &c
to work with an oven, l have no objection
to offer, nor will l let the mere matter Of
busy when you spoke to me about raising
the dough this morning. | know that
spoke shortly; but my heart is in the right
place, and l am too generous and indulgen'
to deny your slightest request. Here, my
boy, is two cents. Go and buy yourself Z
cake OF yeast. w ashington Star.
Those Girls.
Maud-Between us, dear, think th.
counts compliments rather crude He toe
me the sight of my beautiful face actually
made his mouth water.
Edith-The idea! I'm sure your fsce
doesn't look quite that much like a ieme n.
Indianapolis Journal.
Hone is a pleasing acquaintance. but one
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

Time may be money, but it's hard for q
man to make his creditors believe it.-Chi.
cago Daily News.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

It il an awful shock to find that we have
been polite to people who were not worth it.
DBL
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13
/" Trust Not to
Appearances

That <vkich seems hard to
beas maybe = great blessing.
Let rs take a lesson from, the
rough weather Of Spring. 4
Is doing good despite appear
ances. Cleanse the system
thoroughly; rouf out all
Impurities from, tie blood
wM that greatest specific.
Hoods Sarsaparflla. tfa.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13
He Mas fhe Mn.
What .AIeb..tinev Il.

Alabastine is a durable and natural coat.
ing fcr walls and ceilings. 1t is entirely diff
ferent from all "kalsomine" preparations
Alabastine comes in white or twelve beau
tlful tints, and is ready for use by addina
cold water. 1t is put up in dry powder form
IN hve-pound Packages, with full direction.
on every package. Alabastine is handsome
cleaniy and permanent. 1t can be re-coated
and retinted at slight expense. Paint deal
ers and druggists sell Alabastine and fur
nish card of tints.
Songs about the Klondike should be writ
ten IN . miner" key.-L. A. w Bulletin
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

Te Cure . Cold In One Nay
Take Laxative Bremo Quinine Tablets.. All
druggists refund money IL it fails to cure. sc.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

Society girls at feast might he called
dinner bellies. IL. A. w. Bulletin.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

TEALTH and beauty the glories of perfect
II hood.
Women who suffer constantly with weakness peculiar
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

When Z fool admits he's fool be il NO
longer . fool-Atchison Globe.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13
Riotous Proceedings.

SnpeFiasendest<The neckte department
will havetU be moved further away from the
counting room.
Manager-Why?
"The spring styles make so much noise
that the clerks CAN'T work. Boston Post
$50 Not Her Own. 60
Mollie-Ever notice how Dollie can shake
her curis. =
PollieEYss; she hasn't had EN- on for .
weekly onkers Statesman.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13
Those Girls,

Hope is a pleasing acquaintance, but one
you can seldom depend upon.-Chicaso
Daily News.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

Don't, spend too much time trying To-
cave a little money!. A. w. Bulletin.
The fools advice may be poor, but it is at
least si-cere.-Chicago Daily News.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13

Seeing how much better it looks, ~
wonder why every merchant doesn't keep
his store neat.-Washington ua.) Demo
crat,
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1899-05-13
Aneraca ana t;ermnny :

30 sooa a America shoHed her charac..
seristie firmness the German cruiser left
Manila Bay, and We now protect the Ger.
ach his fly before the wonderful power Of
hostester's Stomach Bisters 1t strikes at
the root of all diseases--the stomach, and
not only cures Indigestion. constipation, bill
iousness, liver and kidney troubles, but
cures them quickly and permanently. It
.,iakes hearty appetite and fills the blood
With rich red corpuscles.
He Was the Man.
Salier-E.xcuse me, can speak to your
typewriter momert:
lily Man.You c. ut; she's engaged.
that's all right-l'm the fellowrSIlIus.
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28

ed beside the king, and his own sleeve
was torn by a bullet.
Your majesty is in danger here,
said a Prussian officer, saluting nm
respectfully; will you not be pleased
to move farther back?'
Frederick was just about to refuse,
for he cared little what risk he ran
provided his presence could do any
thing to turn the fortune OF the pattie.
But before he had time to speak the
officer Cwho had placed himself in front
of the king, apparently to shield MN
from the flying bullets with his own
body) fell to the ground as if struck
by lightning.
Frederick stopped over him with a
look Of concern, for he saw that the
breast of the fallen mans uniform mad
been pierced by a bullet, ana natuIal-
" concluded that he must be either
Killed or mortally wounded. But, to
his no small amazement, the supposed
dead man suddenly rose from the earth,
to all appearances quite unin1ured, and
took out of mis- clothes a fiattened mus
ket ball which had been stopped by the
metal cover of a miniature that helwore
in his breast ,,,.
II shall keep this" said he, holding
ont the shapeless piece of lead, lin re-
membrane of your majesty.
You shall have something better than
that to remember me by, my brave
fellow" answered the king, kindly.
you have saved my life, and you shall
not find me ungrateful. What is your
manner"
The officer told it. Frederick repeat
ed II twice to himself, as if to fix 1t
more surely in his memory, and then
he said:
Very good will not forget you. If
we both live through this nights work,
you shall be promoted. And now let
each of US go to his duty"
And on the following morning when
the battle was won and the Austrian
army in full retreat. King Frederick
made good his promise.
But. unhappily. the brave officers
good fortune went no further than this,
Two years later the war came to an
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28
AT THE CONCORDIA.
Turks Wax Enthusi-
astic, the Plumper
the Singer.
IMMENSE SOUDRETS APPLAUDED
Experiences Of Two Ameri-
cans in Constan-
tinople.
IMMENSE SOUBRETS APpLAUDED

In Turkey the most beautiful and de-
the most A thin and willowy creature
would have no social standing in Turk
ey, and would be a total failure on the
stage in Constantinople. Unless a wo-
man is fat she cannot secure an en-
gagement in a music hall, and the fat
ter she is the more enthusiasm she ar
ouses and the larger is her salary.
On the evening after my arrival in
Constantinople I went to the Concordia
music hall with my American acquaint-
ances, and there 1 saw more feminine
breadth, depth, thickness, heft and cir
conference than 1 had ever before seen
under one roof.
Judging from the arrangement of the
bill and the applause bestowed on the
various mastodon soubrettes, 1 would
say that in Constantinople a woman
weighing 225 pounds and possessed of
fair singing vioce could get an engage
ment at a music hall, but she would be
compelled to accept a low salary and
appear early in the bill.
In the bills at the Concordia We're
French and German women, one lone
American estimated weight 275) and
several from Turkish Europe. The
first woman who sung was fat, the Sec
ond was fatter; the third was-no, not
latest, although she was much heavier
than No. 2. She was merely the prom
ice what was yet to come. They were
holding back the really big artists for
the finale. At last these two came on
They were Sisters" and they made a
large family by themselves.
Great Scott" exclaimed the man
from Lafayette. why didn't they roll
them on the stage? How much do you
suppose they weigh?"
"A ton piece?" ventured the New
Yorker.
Too low, too low"
The house arose in Joy as the two
vast, egg-shaped objects appeared on
the stage. The Turks, who had been
sitting stolidly in the boxes looking with
dull concern at the fraii vocalists who
weighed less than 900 now Strengthened
up and clapped their hands. The Turk
in front of us Che had checker board
trousers and a low white vest) shouted
"Bravoi"
The two sisters were the hit of. the
show, says the Chicago Record. They
had to sing until their globular faces
were pink with exertion and their bal
loon-lilSe costumes rose and fell with
the heavings of their exertion We
wondered if they ever had comic opera
in Turkey. and if it would be safe to
put an entire GLORIOUS on one stage.
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28

end, and Frederick, with his treasury
empty and his whole kingdom lying
wasted and ruined around him, was
fain to devote every penny that he
could raise to the putting of matters
to rights again.
As matter of course, every branch
of public expenditure had to be cut
down to the very lowest point. Among
other economies, the army was reduced
| by good many thousand men, and the
sudden oisbanding Of so many regi-
ments at once was a heavy blow to
hundreds of officers who Unexpectedly
found themselves cast upon the world
in their old age with no occupation, no
money in their pockets, and no visible
way Of getting any.
Among the countless sufferers by this
| measure was poor Maj. Tapfermann,
the hero Of Torgau, who, with three
wounds, chronic rheumatism and al
most as little money as he had ten
years before, found it no easy matter
to make both ends meet
One by one he had to part with all
the little knick-lInacks which he had
treasured up so long-the silver-mount-
ed pistols presented to him by Junior
officers Of his regiment, the field-glass
which he had used during his last cam
| paign, and the ivory-handled hunting
Knife which had been given to him by
an Austrian prisoner to whom he had
| shown some kindness. Even his watch
had to be sold at last; but, although
in this sore strait, he could not bring
himself to part with the chain which
had been a lift to him from his wife
not long before her death.
There was STILL however. one hope
left for the poor old man. King Fred
eriek was now back again in his palace
at Potsdam, near Berlin: and. having
by this time begun to get the affairs
Of his kingdom into some sort of order
again, he was not so overwhelmingly
busy as he had been before. Perhaps
some help might be got from him. and,
at all events. it was worth while to
try.
Tapfermanns first idea was to draw
up q memorial stating his case and
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28

ification by Robert Tracy Jackson. DIR.
Jackson's paper entitled Studies of
palaeechinoidea" had been read before
the Geological Society of America on
August 9th, 1895.
AT the time Miss Johnson showed The
Lepidesthes to Prof. Alpheus Hyatt,
curator of the Boston Natural History
society, he exclaimed: "Graciousl
believe that is what Dr. Jackson has
been hunting forl" So 1t proved. DIR.
Jackson's paper was then in the print
er's hands. Only a few days before his
attention was called to the fossil he had
shown Miss Johnso1 the diagrams il
Illustrating his paper, and mentioned
certain fossils not being figured. He
named the specimen for Dr. Worthen,
who had done extensive work upon
palaeechinodea. The Lepidesthes Wor-
them was figured in Dr. Jackson's pa
per, which in consequence received al
ditional scientific matter. In the Ola
gram 1t is 'magnified two diameters."
This new species is on exhibition among
the ub-carboniferous fossils in the
Boston Society of Natural History mu-
scum.
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28
BRIDES AND BRlDEGRooMs.

A new fashion is springing up for
brides and bridegrooms. In the old
days when the man of God had put
them together at the altar, it was
thought to be the proper thing to seem
to think about nothing but each other
and the honey on the moon.
Now it is different. Brides and
bridegrooms must act like old folks.
For instance, Mr.. and Mrs. Lester Null
len Del Garcia actually did bit Of
shopping after their wedding break
fast on Tuesday. The bridegroom
stopped at the Calumet Club for his
mail, like any old married man, and
then very CALAMITY stopped again at a
florists and bought some violets for
his bride They acted in a very mat
ter-of- fact way, and now 1 hear that
this is the way to do it.
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28

send it to Frederick himself: but he
then remembered that it would have to
pass through several hands before
reaching the king, and might possibly
never reach him at all. In any case he
could not afford to wait long for an an
swer being almost down to his last
penny as it was, so he finally deter
mined to present himself at the palace
in person and see what would come Of
it.
The very next morning, accordingly,
the major smartened up his worn and
faded uniform as well as he could and
concealed the absence of his watch by
fixing the chain in its usual place and
keeping it there by attaching to one
end of it the memorable "hattened bull
LETT of Torgau, which he had preserved
as a souvenir ever since. Then, TAX
ing his stick in his hand, he set out for
Potsdam.
He had to do the whole nine miles on
foot, the hire of a horse being far be-
yond his means, poor fellow; and when
he reached the palace he was heated
and covered with dust and altogether
a very strange figure to appear at a
kings levee, as the scornful glances of
the smart officials plainly told him.
Among these there was one man and
malicious fellow, Hugo Won Wakenitz
by name, who held the post of cham
berlain of the palace, and, being NOR
tally jealous of every one whom the
king seemed inclined to favor, and
more especially of Frederick's old Off
GERS, always did his best to keep them
away from the royal presence. It hap
pened by i'll luck that just as Major
Tapfermann opened his uniform to ad-
just his chain (Which he had got out of
place in the course of this long march,,
the chamberlain, looking down from
one of the windows, saw what he was
about. fa rc
The courtier's quick eye detected at a
glance that the chain had bullet IN
stead of a watch attached to it, and far
from plying the old warriors poverty,
as any true man would nave done. this
spiteful rogue at once resolved to get
rid Of him BY putting him to open
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28

shame before the whole assembled
company.
And it really seemed as If circum-
stances themselves had conspired to
aid his cruel project, for when the l1irg
made his appearance, his first remark
was:
My watch must surely be wrong,
for 1 had no idea that it was anywhere
near my hour for receiving visitors.
Wakenitz, what says your watch?'
Most unfortunately, your majesty.
mine has just stopped" answered the
chamberlain; but ! see this worthy Of
ficer here (glancing at Major Tapfcr-
MANN has brought his along with him,
and will doubtless be able TO tell your
majesty the true hour"
The spiteful tone and look Of the
speaker did not escape the shrewd
king; but, before he could make any
comment the stout old major. drawing
himself up proudly. answered Freder-
lexis inquiring glance by holding up
the useless watchchain and the Hat
tened musket ball which hung to it. so
that every one could see them.
At the sight of the hattened bullet
and the sound of the old warrior
voice, the recollection of his reseuer on
the field of Torgau flashed back uDnn
the king memory IN a moment anu
one glance at the brave old mans
threadbare dress, and at the malicious
grin upon the face Of the chamberlain,
sufficed to tell him the whole story
Here is a watch for you, my old
comrade, which viii tell you the right
time" said Frederick. taking off his
own watch and handing II to the ma
jor; land that you may have chance
Of using it in my service 1 give you a
place in my household from this day
forth: and as for you, you rascal he
added, casting a terrible look at the
discomfited cham berlain. since you are
mean enough to insult an old man who
has fought bravely for his king ard
country, get out of my sight, and never
show your face here again. "-From the
German
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28
A BRIGHT WOMAN.
She Talks on HOLSTERS and Visits St.
Petersburg.

She Talks on HOLSTERS and Visits St.
Petersburg.
The secretary of the National Science
club has informed Miss Isabel Louise
Johnson that she has been recommend
ed as a member of the National Science
club, through her known interest in
science The secretary writes: This
is the only body of women that has
ever held meetings in the interest of
pure science at the Smithsonian instl-
tute. Miss Johnson has accented the
proposed honor. She was the first wo-
man lecturer before the Boston SCien-
tific society, by invitation of the then
presiding president Mr.. Samuel Var
man, curator of the fish and reptile de-
partment of the Agassiz museum in
Cambridge. Her subject was Lob
sters." She was, too, one Of the three
first women who were admitted to
membership in that society
There had been a strong feeling
among some of the members to Keep
women off the membership list. Miss
Johnson believes that her work a. the
Boston Natural History Society mu
scum, in the season in 1866, procured
her a membership in the Seventh In
ternational Geological congress. which
met at st. Petersburg IN the summer
of 1897, by the invitation of the Car
Alexander II, and the furtherance of
the liberal educational movement by
his son, the Gar Nicholas II.
Her especial scientific work Of great
value was the digging out of the Lepi-
desthes from blue or grayish clay in
which it was embedded. Suspecting
there might be a rare fossil beneath
the projection in the clay, Miss John
son spent between two and three days
of careful work in getting it INTO con-
dition for identification; but she was
unable to do more than to state its close
resemblance to figured Lepidesthes. 1t
was brought to notice in time to fill q
blank in the figured Systematic class
ification of Palaeozoic Echini,' a class
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28

The great battle of Torgau was at its
height. The air was thick with hot,
sitting smoke, and the cannonade
made the very earth trem5le, as col
umn after column of blue-cGated Prus-
sian soldiers came sweeping forth from
the wood that sheltered them to the as
sault of the Austrian position, regard
less of the death that awaited them
from the flaming mouths of 400 cannon
which Numbered incessantly against
the wood held by the Prussians and
against every living thing that issued
from it.
Twice the assailants had forced their
way through the pelting shot, and twice
they had been driven back with severe
loss after a desperate conflict II the
mad hurly- burly and confusion of that
terrible struggle the two armies Rad
got so completely mingled together
that not a few Prussian and Austrian
regiments had fairly changed places,
and when the third attack began, il
was no easy matter for the Pru5sisn
column of assault to make out where
the key Of the enemy's position lay or
which way they must turn in order to
strike It,
But just then appeared out Of the
thick Of the smoke a small, lean. sickly
looking old man, in a soiled and THREAD
bare uniform, at the sight Of whom
and at the sound of the few short. clear
orders that he uttered everything
seemed to arrange itself at once as IL
by magic. And well might il be so: Cor
this queer little fellow was no other
than the king of Prussia himself. Fred
erick the Great, who had already sent
his name throughout the whole world
as the greatest soldier of his time.
Just then. however. a body Of Aus
trian grenadiers showed themselves
through the rolling smoke at a short
distance and began to pour a heavy
fire Of musketry upon the Prussians
and their leader. Two men fell wound
The Worcester spy. [volume] (Worcester, Mass.) 1898-1904, 1899-05-28
A FRIEND INDEED.

There is new pocketbook called the
ladies friend, made with extra wide
and strong gussets, for the purpose of
giving room for the gloves or handker-
chief. Another new resting place for
the latter has been found. 1t is in the
purse of silver wire mesh, made with
two compartments, one for change, the
other for the troublesome mouchoir
This purse is six inches deep, and a lit
tie less across the top, and is finished
with metal fringe. 1t is fastened to a
fine chain, with ring to be worn on the
finger. Some have longer and heavier
chains and ring large enough to be
worn on the arm. These are, of course,
for fine handkerchiefs.