The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1899-01-25
TO BE OR NOT TO BE.

..To De, or not to be that is the
question. Whether tits nobler in the
mind to suffer the stiDgs aud arrows
of outrageous fortune, or to take arms
against a sea of troubles and by
opposing end them. Hamlet.
Hermitage Hill,
Dsmphi No County,
Janurember, Anno Diablerie 1888
Dear Mr.. Editor We must beg
you to excuse the bewildesing con-
fusion of this communication from
head lines to heel lines, for, indeed,
we don't know our head from our
heels. or whether We are on cur head
or our heels, or what we are Cd, or
where we are at. Our condition is
one of chaotic compiexedness and
confounded commotion and combusti.
bility, and q state of complete obfus
tifcation. This is our state, our
county is worse indeed, it is said
that our dear little, precious little,
darling little baby is dead. We
DONE know if it's dead, dead drunk,
or desperately i'll. We don't think
it's dead because, it is said, two Of
it's members are eviDcing much signs
of life and vitality over in Columbia
The names of these members are
Bob aud Ezra and they have never
died before, are not in the habit Of
diving and, from what we know of
them, don't hardly believe they'll be
properly deed at the judgment and
may have to be knocked in the head
on that awful day, and we doubt if
they die easy then. Then there are
other minor members and parts here
shet are quite torpid at present. but
they cam. be altogether dead until
these Two aforementioned members
are killed. As to being drunk we
did hear that this babe got a bad
..jag- on'' it's side on the night it
tried to be born This ..jag on its
side was In the the neighborhood of
the Ashland ribs and come mighty
nigh proving fatal, but they sorter
bandaged it up and appealed TO the
Legislature and It furnished large,
thick, fat poultice ; but some of our
family was of the opinion that that
..jag on" it's side was still a fostering
underneath the poultice and would
ininre the babe's constitution !; it
being constitutionslly weak any way
from having been brought forth be.
fore its time. So they referred it to
the supreme council of legal L L.
De-, and they called mp whole banc
Of minor L.L Ds and, percbsDce.
some A double s's among 'emr and
they administered an anestbetic in
iection-or injunction-and ordered
perfect quiet while they went Of and
drunk spring water, qualified with
other beverages. for the balance of
the Summer. and, also, prepared the
funeral sermon to be delivered over
our very dear offspring, and left US
in charge Of the rigid, torpid body,
shut up in the graveyard. Fhen
they reasseDbled over It and tore off
the poaitice and pronounced our in-.
FAINT as ssdead as a door nail, and
that IL was born dead, and never had
Been born ct all, as il were, or words
to that eject. But. like the ghost
of Banco, this babe Won't down and
die lawfully aud eonstitutiobslly and
we are perpleSed and stepifed and
eumbfonnded TO know what in the
name of Jebosaphas and Tbos P.
Walker we are to do with this with.
isg, wriggIipg, kicking corpse shat
won't keep still and lay out decently
aud properly aud let itself be buried
according to the supreme decree If
j. would only retire to it's comfortable
grave like well behaved, law aF'id
ing carcass, we might spill tear
froa one ,os our eyes. at least. and
promise to heip to raise it again at
the last day-sooner or lates-bnt if
its going to Cop around like bantam
with its aead chopped off and refuse
to 90, or to demise, according to
contract and rule, and continue to
proceed to keep US out Of fun Or
funeral, why then we hope 1t may
aop right into deep sepuIchre, and
we'll help TO erect ponderous mau,
soleum over it's dear, its very dear
and costly RENAME. if there are any.
This has been a babe of much
travail and tribulation A child o:
many earnest and varied petitions,
but we think it's birth was prema
ture and it was, therefore, constitu,
tionally weak But, strong or feeble.
it has been the cause Of a robust agi-
tation and more complications than
-than-the knots in an old COW line,
and any one who has ever tethered
COW knows that King Gordins. OF