The Yakima herald. [volume] (North Yakima, W.T. [Wash.]) 1889-1914, 1899-06-15
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Ue-"What are you two girls talking
about She-"Nothing: are your ears
burning T''-Yonkers Statesman.
"Jones got broke of walking in his
sleep" How His wife made him
carry the baby Philadelphia Bulle-
tin.
How did you succeed in your
speech" when sat down they said
1t was the best thing | ever did
Judy.
He-"Was your brother engaged in
the late war;" She-"No; not until
after he came home. "-Yonkers States
man.
'Dasher didn't weigh his charles
when he went into that enterprise"
And yet he specialized on large
scale. "-Moonshine.
Il saw you waltzing around your
lawn this morning" Excuse me, that
wasn't waltz-it was hose reel
Cleveland Plain Dealer
Adalbcrt-And so | am the first man
that you have ever kissed? Gunevere
Yes; Adallert; the others took the
Initiative Chicago Daily News.
''Do you think strong dring shortens
mans life?" 1T may, but never
saw a topper who didn't live out the full
ness of his days. Philadelphia Bullc-
tin.
Who's that horrid little man over
the way?" "Oh, that's my brother"
How stupid of me, dear; | ought to
have known by the likeness. Ally
Sloper.
Listening to a speaker, you can tell
every school teacher in the audience
by the way they look when he mispro-
nounces word.-Washingto Demo.
crat.
Surprising.-Mr. Gotham-"IIcre, sir,
Is some whisky which | have had IN
my cellar for twenty years" Col. Kahn.
tuck-"Well. How did it get lost:'-
New York Weekly.
Browne-"Waiter, bring me n dozen
oysters On the half shell" Waiter
Sorry, sab, but we'se all out of shell.
fish, sab, 'ccptin' aigs."- Rochester
Union and Advertiser.
Il would like a straw with this lem.
onade,' said the lady at the table
Hey" calculated the waiter. who was
hard of hearing. mo; straw, l said.'
-Yonkers Statesman.
Birdcage Bill-W'ot is loafer? Why,
loafer is a Teller dat loafs of course,
The Bowcry Chicken-Dat shows your
ignorance. a loafer is Il Teller dat loafs
and has no bank account.
Maudc-"You wouldn't know my
tiance now if you met him." Nell
why, has he changed So much ms
that" Maude-"That isn't it. exactly.
I've changed m."-rick Me Up.
Mrs. Murphy-"Now. which wan of
youse byes trun that ball t'ro me base.
ment windy" The Pitcher-"All kicks
| must be registered with the umpire,
Teddy. Play bah, fellers" '-Up-to Date.
The Wife-'If you object TO giving
me money always, why don't you give
me SO much II year and have done with
itY' The Husband-"I do give YOU Sc
much That's just what | object to-"
Judy.
Salesman-"This is the fashionable
color, madame" Nine. Parvenu-
| Very likely-but can't you let me have
a cloth of that local color the painters
talk so much about|-Le Journal
| Amusant.
Young Optician-"It seems to be a
complication of conjunctivites, pres.
byopia and astigmatism." The patient
Say, mister how many pairs o.
specs'll it take to cure 'em?"-The
jewelers. Weekly.
Johnny, are your people going to
take you with them on that trip across
the ocean?' "Yes'm." Aren't you
afraidY Nome. Amt afraid of moth
in. I've been vaccinated an baptized"
Chicago Tribune.
Your voice. said the commanding
officer, sis decidedly rasping." Yes,
| sir" replied the subordinate, touching
! his hat. Il have been out roughlng it
with a file of soldiers all the morning."
Chicago Tribune.
Il hear that Mr.. Whiffletree has Sc
| cured a divorce from his wife" said
Mr.. birmingham. He has been mus.
tered out of the matrimonial army"
replied Mr. Manchester.--Pit tsburg
| ChronicleTelegraph.
! Benevolent Stranger Ito little boy
who is looking about for something on
the groundl-"What are you searching
for, my dear? What have you lostY'
Little Boy-"My balance, sir; l tum-
bled off er that fence jest now, and
| ,,,,,r,nr cod oS hnu I'll Lost GO