davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
WHY LONDON LAUGHS.

What book would you recommend for
man who has just got engaged?" 'I
should say a check book ILLUSTRATED
Bits.
The Main Thing-Max-I am afraid
your father will object to me, as 1 keep
a shop. Freda-All he'll want to know
is-does the shop keep you?-Illustrated
Bits.
Parker always exaggerates everything
So" Yes. He can't even start an &C
count at the bank without overdrawing
1.-THE Cigarette.
Husband (going out shooting)-I know
I'll miss you while I'm away, dearest!
Wife-Oh, of course you will. You al
ways miss everything when you're out
shooting!-Colored Comic
Wise Lad-Maurice and Johnnie have
been rude to their mamma. Mamma has
complained to papa, who Is heard COM
ing up stairs. Johnnie-I say Maurice
here comes papa; I shall pretend to be
asleep. Maurice shan't; 1 shall get up
and put on my acknowledgements.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
SMART SHORT STORIES.

An old minister at certain village was
In the habit of paying unexpected calls at
the school and putting the pupils through
their ''facings." On one such occasion the
minister asked the Glass if there were
any prophets nowadays. This was a
poser to the majority; but one bright lit
tie fellow, the son Of a pushing trades
man. eagerly extended his hand. "Well,
my lad, are there any prophets?" asked
the minister. Eyes, SIR was the answer;
small profits and quick returns, father
says - ~
After the battle Of Custozza soldier,
supposed to have been killed, was entered
ON the books Of his company: "Died on
the oath Of June 1866 A few days after
ward it turned out that he was still alive,
and the honest quartermaster made the
following entry: Died by mistake" At
length there came a letter from the min
istry of war, announcing the death Of the
man at the hospital, when the quarter
master recorded the fact as follows:
''Ise-died by order Of the ministry
A country schoolteahcer recently gave
a boy question in compound proportion
for home work, which happened to include
the circumstance Of men working ten
hours day in orfler..to complete q GER
tain job Next morning, the unsuspect-
ing teacher, in lookings over the little pack
of exercises, found 5Jim's sum unattempt-
ed, and the following better inclosed in the
page: Sur; I refuse to let Jim do his
sum: you give him dastanite as it looks to
me to be a slur Eat 9eight-hour sistum
emmy sum- not more than eight hours he
Is welcum to do iibut, not more. Yours
truly -1Abeam Blank, Senr''
A six-year-old, while visiting at the
house CT a friend, accidentally tripped
and fell down about six of a flight of
stairs RJ1nnjpO To ,stlfa 1itt1a Opa'o 90
sistance, Mrs. R.,;aafter picking the tot
up. asked: Ibid you hurt yourself,
dear?" 'N-no'm,A she replied, sobbing-
ly. How many steps did you fall DOWN"
81 DIDN'T k-know.s did-didnt-k-k-
count them
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
Poetry of the Period
IS TT sPRINGs

When you hear the sparrows trilling,
tr1lling from the caves.
w men you SneeZe, SneeZe, Sneeze
When you cough and cry and wheeze
And. you wish that all the snow banks
were a million miles of cheese,
Is 1t spring? Is 1t spring?
When you look out your window through
a CLASSY frame of ice
Is 1t spring? Is 1t nice?
Yes. It's nice. course it's nice
For the coal man, the weather man and
the man that's got the price.
1T Is spring, lovely spring?
When you're waiting for Lowry car"
to take you down the line
In this spring-like time,
You stand kree-deep and sublime
In snow bank a-muttering. ''Oh, amt
the weather fine?"
For it's spring? Lovely spring?
When you get down to your business and
you trudge along the street,
Every one you meet
Gazes sharply at your feet
AS If they knew Niagara was washing
them so neat
For it's spring? Cheerful spring!
"
Yes, it's spring.. Course it's springl
And we all know two or q thing
That when winter comes once more
Well all be South galore.
That Is we think we will before it's
spring F. c. M
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
DREAM OF THE GEoMETR1cIAN.

Alexander Kniatowsh. Polish born in
vestigator
Into subjects geometrical,
With logarithms deep,
Sat on brookside green and bosky, where
his metal incubator
Hatched no truths trigonometrical,
And so he fell asleep.
He though he was incarcerated in an
octohedron,
Where a host of things pentagcnal
In horrid conclave sat,
And where his wits We're enervated by
dodecahedron
Wearing over mlen diagonal
An algebraic hat.
In a costume of trapeziums and circles
fabricated.
Which refused to be square rooted,
To his horror he was dressed,
And he found that his trapezoids would
not be eradicated;
He was parallelo-booted,
Though he did his very best.
In this life somnambulistical he ran from
apparitionS,
In a course observation-disclosures,
Toward a vast abyss,
Where with his mind statistical he found
geometricianS
Giving facts somewhat conSolatory
OF a short deaths bliss.
No asinorum pons appeared to cross peril
practically:
The scholar leaped elusively,
With awful eerie scream,
And himself upon the grasses ne ioulu
not alphabetically,
h And was convinced concluslvely
That all had been a dream
-Pearson'S Weekly.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

The sight of a sovereign commonwealth
meeting In the persons Of it's senator's
and representatives to pass laws and
vote money has ceased to command re-
spect in these United States. There Is
something about the Scion from Wav-
cross Center who comes down to the cap
ital with his carpet sack and blows out
the gas that appeals to Americas sense
OF humor. rather than to America g
pride. Minnesota is, of course, excepted
but in general the legislature of today IS
standing joke. Even it's corruption "a
not taken seriously. Half dozen bri-
berry Investigations going at once fail to
attract public attention
The legislature, in point of fact. IS the
bulwark of free institutions, and some
thing ought to be done to prop If nm
America might borrow a leaf ont of CON
ada $ book A provincial parliament over
the line has enough embroidery and gold
lace about It TO dazzle the public. A leg
islature ought to be clothed in resnect i.
bat' lacking respect, glitter and gold lace
Will do almost as we'll When the law
makers of the province of Manitoba met
at Winnipeg the occasion was something
to impress the voter. The Royal Can.
adam Dragons paraded, and the Thir-
teenth field battery roared a salute
Mark the contrast. On one side of the
line. ceremony, gold lace and honor. On
the other nothing but a few clean COL
lars and campfire of the lobby. Small
wonder the legislator of Canada Is look
ed M to and respected. while his brother
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

The senate bill for inspection of meats
was only put to sleep by the tap on it.
solar pleXus the other day, and, reviv-
ing, is again on the calendar for further
consideration. While no one wants to
eat diseased or unwholesome meats, and
while 1t is we'll enough for society to
guard Its members against being fed
them. neither the quantity of such meats
put upon the markets nor the general
health conditions of our food animals
warrants the indiscrininate statements
made in support of inspection. There are
always imaginative folk who generalize
from insufficient data, and the tendency
to eXaggerate is not confined to dema-
gogues. Most men are prone ito take a
fragment for the whole and call the whole
a part"
1t is generally known that, to protect
exports of our meats from attack in for
eign markets. the federal government has
established and maintains expert inspec-
ION at thirty-three principal cities en-
bracing 12S abattors. All animals bought
at these places by packers who do an
export business pass under the eve of
these experts, first in the yards or on
the scales and subsequently after
slaughter and dressing. The meats thus
Inspected are not all exported, but are
also sent to the cities and towns of the
country for the retail trade. A perusal
Of the report of the chief of the bureau of
animal industry, which has charge of this
work OF inspection, would allay the ap-
prehensions of those good folk who seem
TO imagine that disease turks in every
creature sent to the shambles. 1t will
assure them that the cattle of our coun-
try are exceptionally healthy; more so.
In fact. than are their consumers
We find in that report that of the A.
3l0107 animals, cattle, sheep. calves and
hogs, inspected before slaughter, 13. SEC
were condemned at the abattoirs, and
lS.SSS in the yards. total of 90 254. or
to each 400. OF the 26,5SO,6 $50 inspections
after slaughter, 7O,121 carcasses and 4s. 295
parts of carcasses were condemned and
sent to the rendering tanks, or one In
225, This is hardly fair ratio. as the
remainder of the parts were passed as
sound. OF the 42,31O,107 ante-mortem in
spections 25,566, IA were hogs and of the
ZG.5So, $50 post-mortem inspections 16. S39. O34
were hogs. But out of each $50 head Of
cattle was condemned before slaughter
and but l of each 425 after killing. The
number of animals condemned was
but 3 of l per cent of all the mil
lions Of animals inspected. Really, the
actual danger does not seem to warrant
the general indiscriminate and alarming
assertions made.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

in lawmaling In the United States Is
offered S. brides. If the Scion of the
states had been escorted by royal dra-
goons and saluted by field battery, $40
would certainly be the minimum.
Ceremony seems to be the only saliva
ton of the American legislator If the
law will only allow him a military es-
cort. top boots with spurs, and a broad
blue sash spangled with gold stars, there
may be some hope for him. He may be
able to elect senator without involving
himself in scandal and pass the few need
ed laws without attracting third house
larger than the other two.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
TO RUDYARD KIPLING.

God give you health and length of years!
And as new treasures of your mind!
Your loss would leave world in tears
And no successor leave behind.
You spoke some things that liked us not
Mistruth unmeant-hard-h hitting truth,
Half-truth the worst of all-God wot
You had the courage of your youth
But what you saw or thought you saw
With young and clear unblinking eyes
You said; and by the Jungle Law
You could not have done otherwise.
.eWhen 'Omer smote is bloomin' Tyre"
The gods be praised, the schools were
few;
He found coal of living fire
And passed it down the years to you.
james Jeffrey Roche IN Boston Tran
script.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

county boards, consisting of the county
commissioners and auditors and the
final comparison, rectification and bal
ancing by the state board. II there had
been the Partially charged upon the
state board, 1t would appear in compari-
sons Of the valuations made by the three
bodies. 1t would show most strongly in
a wide difference between the valuations
of the local assessors and those made
by the state board, for one might expect
the local assessors to be careful not to
give property In their Jurisdiction higher
values than were given in other coun-
ties.
The large cities are in the counties of
Hennepin. Ramsey and ST. Louis. The
valuations Of property are to be found
in the state auditors biennial reports.
Taking real estate as the standard, 1t be-
ing about so per cent of the total value,
the following comparisons of the valua
tons of the three separate bodies, in the
years 1894. 1896 and 1898, do not seem to
bear out the charge of favoritism:
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

The peasants eat walnuts with bread
which has been smeared with garlic, and
this diet is said to replace meat. Bread
is likewise made of the chesnuts.
There Is pine nut of Korea which Ia
rich In oil. and is supposed to be so
strengthening that it is given to Korean
children who are delicate of constitution.
There Is also a nut in Korea which looks
little like a beechnut that is roasted
and eaten and is given in the raw state
as remedy for coughs
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
Objects to the Law.

Lake City Republican
Inc present garnishee law In this state
makes 1t possible for creditor to seize
the wages of laboring man In excess
OF $40 month. All wages not exempt
must have been earned within thirty
days next preceding the garnishment
or execution. The law is an injustice to
the debtor from start to finish and should
De repealed, and another doubling the
amount exempt and striking out the thir-
ty-day clause should be substituted in
It's place. Just because a man is poor
and In debt is no good reason for per-
scouting him.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
aUARANTINED 30 MORE.
New Case of Smallpox Closes a Third
Street Hotel.

Street Hotel.
The first case of smallpox to deveIope
among the white people of the city was
reported to the city physician yesterday.
The patient, gave the name of Frank
Brown and came to st. Paul from Mime
apolis last Tuesday. He has been lodg-
ing at the Mission house, las East Third.
and though he complained of sickness
when he first came to st. Paul his case
was not diagnosed as smallpox until yes
terday. He was at once removed to the
pest house. The fact that he has never
been vaccinated makes the health depart
ment of the opinion that the disease Will
be hard to eradicate in his case.
AS soon as it was known that Brown
had been stopping at the Mission house
the place was quarantined and orders
given to confine all dodgers who have
been there for the past few days. AS a
result, at o'clock last evening. thirty
five persons who had been exposed were
confined there, all having been vacci-
mated by DR.. Leavitt and Health officer
Sinks. The records Of the house show
that fifty-two people are wanted, as hav-
ing been exposed, but the larger part
have already been found and confined.
They will be obliged to remain under
quarantine for the full period.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
NUTRIMENT I'm NUTS.

In different parts ofaEurope scientists
have lately been experimenting as to the
nutritive and medical values of different
nuts, and have advanced opinions favor
ing the use of certain nuts as food in the
case of certain diseases.
1t is claimed that there is a special
kind of salt in nuts which is especially
good for softening the muscles of the
arteries, and elderly people who suffer
from the stiffening of these muscles are
especially benefited by eating nuts
In France, among the poorer classes.
the absence of flour is replaced by the
chestnut. which is dried and ground
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
WAITING.

She stood while yet twas early dawn
Close by the open gate;
Her cheeks were pale, her eyes were wan:
She murmured HE is late!
How does he dare to treat me so?
And after all he's said
All! here he comes;'' her eyes grew
bright
She raised her pretty head,
And as the laggard came in view
She cried in tones to freeze:
You're getting later every day;
Three pints this morning, please.
Polly Pry in New York Herald.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
in MEMORY OF Maj. WILLIAMSON
TABLET WILL BE PLACED IN THE
ADMINISTRATION BUILDING
AT FORT SMELLING
Ceremonies in Connection With the
Event VIII he Participated In by
the G. A. r., of Minneapolis and
St. Paul.

The committee of the G.. A. R.. con
sisting of Capt. J. ]. McCardy, of st.
Paul, and J. F. Foss and Judge J. p.
Rea, of Minneapolis, which was APP
pointed to secure a memorial tablet to
be erected to the memory of Maj. Nj. c.
Wilkinson. reports that a contract for
the construction of the tablet has been
let.
The tablet is to be of bronze, three feet
long and two and half feet wide. and
will bear appropriate inscription and be
placed on the walls in the administration
building at Fort Smelling. Unless some
change is made, April 10 will be the day
of the ceremonies attending the placing
of the tablet, as 1t is the anniversary of
the day that the regiment to which Mai.
Wilkinson belonged was ordered South.
Capt. McCardy. chairman of the COM
mittee, says it will be made an occasion
worthy of the man and attended with con-
siderable ceremony. participated in by
the G. A r. Of the Twin Cities.
A complete programme will be pub
lished in a few days
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
A Pertinent Question.

Boston Traveller.
Beef Packer and Millionaire Swift, Of
Chicago. tells the beef investigation com
mission that mouldy meat is sought by
the epicures of this country. If this is
true, why was it not saved for the cpl
cures instead of being sent to the SOL
diers, who did not seek it?
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
one More " Graph"

Philadelphia Ledger.
The ergograph is an instrument de-
signed to ascertain the nerve strength of
an individual. 1t is now being used in
the public schools of Chicago, to test the
nerves of the pupils, because the authori-
ties claim to have ascertained that there
is connection between the nerves and
the mental ability of students. This Is
long way in advance of the crude edu-
,cational methods used by our fathers and
grandfathers and yet there were intel
lectual giants in their days, too.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
Eustis Come to Life.

st. Peter Herald y
Hon. William Henry Eustis does not
seem to have profited by his experience
last fall, and has announced that he will
be a candidate before the Republican
state convention in 1900 for the guberna-
torfal nomination. Mr.. Eustis will not
have clear sailing by any means. as Capt.
Van SAINT has also signified his intention
of becoming a candidate, and Congress-
men Eddy, Tawney and Morris would
only need but little urging to enter the
field
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
The Democratic Mule.

Waseca County Democrat.
The G. o. P. at present may hold the
reins over the Democratic mule, but the
patient animal may raise both feet at the
same time, kick the driver real hard, and
then dock him the time spent In the air.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
No Embalmed Goods.

ChaSka Herald.
Dairy Commissioner Bowler has pro-
mulgated official notice that violators of
the food laws will be proceeded against
without further notice If rumors are
correct, something Is liable to drop"
almost any time among food adulterators
Maj Bowler does not propose to promote
the embalmed food industry
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
THE STATE PRESS.
Sic EN-.

st. Cloud Times.
Democrats can afford to stand pat and
yen go 1t Reed" and "go it Mckinley"
as the fight of the administration upon
1"ar Heed wakes warmer. The warmer
II gets the more probability there will be
of Democratic success next wear.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
The Consumer Pays.

Montgomery Messenger.
Some Of our Republican exchanges are
very jubilant over the raise in wages of
a few employees in the iron works of the
middle states. If they consider the raise
of from 10 to 40 per cent on nails wire,
ETC., ETC., they will see that it is the con-
sumner that pays the advance and not the
millionaire manufacturer.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
where ingalls, Is Mis.ed.

Washington Post.
We miss the name of John J. Ingalls,
from the preliminary proceedings of the
pending prize fight.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
Some Day.

Some day, some day we will be friends I
know,
We cannot always treat each other so;
Some day. our paths will meet, and we,
dear heart
Will wander home together. ne'er tc part.
* So ST. Paui's.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
Sees a New Light.
Moorhead News.

MOorhead News.
The Pioneer Press has seen new
light. 1t is hoped 1t will keep it in view
until after the next presidential election,
for there is nothing more certain than
that the nominee for president Of the
Republican party In 1900 will not be a
pronounced enemy of trusts. and that
the nomination of the opposition will be.
Therefore, if the Pioneer Press adheres
to its present views, 1T will Of necessity
become ally and the advocate Of the lat
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
The unruaed Car.

Washington Post.
There is not even remote possibility
of Mr.. Reed getting provoked and re-
signing his leadership.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
THE WEATHER.
FORECAST FOR TO-DAY.

Minnesota-Fair; warmer In southwest
quarter; variable winds.
North Dakota-Fair; northerly winds
South Dakota-Fair: warmer in eastern
portion; variable winds.
lowa-Fair; warmer; winds mostly
northerly.
Montana-Fair; winds mostly northerly.
Observation-Disclosures in eastern portion;
light to fresh variable winds.
ST. PAUL.
Yesterdays observations. taken by the
United States weather bureau, St. Paul,
=. z. Lyons observer, for the twenty-four
hours ended at I o'clock last night
barometer corrected for temperature and
elevation.
Highest temperature ...... ........... IS
Lowest temperature $3.50. ........... 9
Average temperature 80. .............. IS
Daily range ........... ............ 10
Barometer ......... ....., 90 SS
IiuifiAuibN .......-...... ~
Z p. n. temperature Observation-Disclosures. &c
: p M, wind, northwest; weather. partly
g.Igg
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

The Endorsement Gen. Miles is getting
from the beef investigating committee
isn't doing him any harm
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

The travelling library bill Travelled
through the house committee of tn.
whole.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

1t is noticeable that the Delaware leg
islature adjourned itself by simply blow
ing ont the gas
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

If anybody finds that Alaskan boundary.
he ought to put a ten-ton weight on it.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

Charles A. Pillsbury Is spoken of as a
Republican candidate for vice president.
He ought to have flour enough to make
that stick.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

If Ella Wheeler Wilcox is looking for
a state of ''unkissed Kisses" let her take
a bird s-eye view of Texas
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19
TEMPERATURES.
temperature Temperature.

Yesterdays observations, taken by the
ton. ID. G.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

All attempts to save the Spanish cruiser
Colon have been abandoned. 1t Is quite
evident she has come to a full stop.
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

Evidently the queen regent of Spain
believes in the motto Never put off till
manana what you can do today"
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

Aguinaldo might slide around to a tele-
graph Office and send his condolences to
Alfonso Neither has any peace worthy
Of the name
The Saint Paul globe. (St. Paul, Minn.) 1896-1905, 1899-03-19

County State
County. Assessors Board. Board.
1884
Hennepin 1925 1896 345 $1S1, 1871 239 0130 191, 091
Ramsey ~ 114441 G7Gl ia 476. 1872 IL, 476 2S2
st. Louis -. 400 917 49, 455, 3SS 44,s25, $50
1886
Hennepin 125, 1856 sos 1O1 712, sell 1O1, 712, S51
Ramsey -. Il 30; .251. SO. 4O9, S41 SO. 400. Si1
st. Louis 90. 3S,65S. 1901 Al 037 1891 IS, 142, 102
1888
Hennepin =. SO, 473, 100 9S,039. 420I IS. OBS, 420
Ramsey -. 81 S96, 2SSi 81, 900. 509 80, 000, 800
ST. Louis III 31.22S, 3G1 1884, 9S9I 1888, S67
1t will be seen from these figures that
the state board has taken sometimes the
assessors Valuations sometimes the
county boards, and sometimes, as in
ST. Louis county fol 1896, made a lower
valuation than either the assessors or
the county board. The charge is unsus-
tanned.