The times., 1899-03-09
WHY DEWEY DECLINED.
Mr. Dooiey Recites His Objections to
Running for the Presidency.
tFrom the Chicago Journal.)


Il wondher will Dewey l-run f'r Prisi-
dint?" said Mr. Hennessy. He'd be tn
gr-reat candydate. | dinnaw whether he's
Dtmmycrat or a Protestant, but I'd yote
fr him"
No" said Mr.. Dooley. Me cousin
George is not a candydate He don't need
tn job an why shud he take it, Can
ye imagine. Hinnissy. Cousin George set.
tin in tn lap iv Hinky Dink f'r TO Set a
nommynation? Can ye think iv him r-run-
min around tn country sneilin iv saso-
line smoke an maxim speeches in Brick
layers Hall? Cud ye get Cousin George f'r
to come out on tn stGOp iy his battleship
10 address a obligation iy III Suspender
Statesmen, Expansion, Home Market an
Dewey Club? How'd he look in photo
graft with copy iy tn Vermont PaIla-
jun in his hand an a pitcher iv his
Aunt-Mame on tn wall behind him? How'd
he an me frind Macchew Quay ger along
together thryin' to uphold tn honor iv
tn naytiOnal bankin system? How'd he
keep himself Fright with tn cor-rnerstone
" tn raypublic, tn thrade in beef in IN
can? An how'd he hold tn German vote
an lave il live?
No. Cousin George is not a candydate
Diyvle a bit iv it, \ raypOrther finds him
up on tn roof iv a battleship iliyatin' tn
degraded Philippians higher thin Glide
roys kite, an says he. Admiral he says
will ye r-run fr Prisidint? he says 'F'r
" hat?' says Cousin George. 'F'r Prisidinl
iv tn United States. says tn rayporther
4 see mesiif,' says Cousin George pointin'
long gun at church I see nesilf go
IN home TO that happy but excited coun-
thry an gallopin ar-rUund firm wan pre-
cint to another nailin dillygates.' he SAYS.
/ see mesilf,' he says as he shoots a thir-
teen-inch shell at our former allies 'telIin'
tn Naytional Association iy Mannyfac-
therers iv Imbammed Beef that they're
presarvin' the Traditions iv Washington
an Lincoln he says. 'Whin they can't
presarve COW meat so that it II last
through a hard winter he says. Catch
me singin' 'They'se No Place Like Home"
in Boston an, he says, ''Theys No Place
Like Home to Get Away Fr'm'' in WASH
n'ton, he says. TIL tarin?' saws he. Tn
on'y jooties know about is those. he says
l owe to mesilf to paste yon small but
fiery rufiyans, he says. 'Th' money ques-
tion with me is will get tn salary that
goes with tn new job or won't IT, he says.
I'm here. he says, an tn beauchous blue
sky iv our happy colony is over me- he
says, an I'd rather have me fellow citi-
Zens that Is to be if they live as marks f'r
me- he says. thin to be a mark fr thin
an tn likes iv thin at home he says Say
TO tn good people iv tn United States he
says, that I'm doin' well where | am, he
sea, he says, / am pursooin' land opera
tions on me own hook. he says. I've just
repealed cav'lry charge he SAYS, an to-
morrow Ill have me ships thrained 10
climb threes an dhrive out sharpshooters.
he says. an I'm maxim a speech iyry five
minyits an ivry speech n great hit with
tn colored vote he says. I reeonize tn
honor We representative rayporthsr
have offered TO me- lie says. but, he SAYS.
-afa h.s staT
shud have it, he says. Besides he says
'mebbe If | wanted it | cudden't get it, he
says.
SO there ye ARE, Hinissy Cousin
George Will not come on here TO address
you an other intilligint citizens like We
firm tn back " a dhray. He'll lave III
destiny iv tn raypublic TO other hands that
can conthrol it tn way tn man controlled
tn balloon whin he got caught be tn an
chor. He'll lave tn destiny iy tn nation
to others, an see that tn shootin' iv tn
nation goes Sthraight. Firm tn look iv
things tn statesman can take a day off
f'r awhile an lave tn wurruk to tn
marksman. Cousin George will stay IN tn
Ph'lippeens an blow up tn enchantin
scenery an protect tn naughty subjects iy
tn Impror Willum an Carl Schurz in tn
mannyfacther iv liver wurst, an see that
tn Prisidints Peace Commissioners is not
ct be our enlightened brethren in Manila
an Mack an NELL stay at home practisin'
tn arts iv peace an expandin' with Cousin
George as he goes along, so that tn bor-
dhers iv our beloved country fr m day TO
day II be where his coat tail flies in tn
breeze. TIL United States is bounded on
tn east be tn Atlantic Ocean an on tn
west be Cousin George"
After long pause Mr.. Hennessey took
his cigar from his mouth and remarked:
He wuddent git tn German vote"
NO" said Mr.. Dooley. but If he r-run
perhaps he wudden't lave thin vote"