The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1899-09-10
JUST A JOKE ON SAM DAVIS.
HEJ mrs EXPERIENCE WITH Az ANTI
TREATING LAW

Some earnest souls in Baltimore with all eye
prophetic To irreguln zoology and the drunknrds
s..,e have associated themselves In an anti.
treating society with fnc Of a quarter for each
failure to comply with the constitution and by
avs " the order The reasoning on which this
IL based is simply unexceptionablc. The thirsty
man goes 10 get the Que drink his condition calls
for he meets eight Of his friends on The same
Grand he says "Whatl you have?" and they
have 1t Then each of the eight says: "Whatll
you have" ant they all have It. Even u
no one ,l,c rrE,s IN Ia make the iniqpity
deeper tIt:' an' eighty one drinks where
nine we aid have !.v'.d sufficient: there are nine
men win ings instead Of sober citizenA The
simpliciiy II this demonstration Is one Of the
uIumphs VI mathematics II 1t were only as
true az II looks it would drive every man into anti
treating organizations Women are not moved
by the dotc desire to buy things for other women
and thereby they show themselves to I've the saner
sex # that proposition needed PROOF.
Bat this Baltimore Anti Treating Society has
bccn weighed by one of the old constockers and
found wanting. He suggested that it was hoo
duocd by its name No such organization, he
thought. could hope TO he a moral success when
|, was Qurcred from the beginning with the initials
h \ +. S. when its whole aim and object was to
keep its members from going OIL ON such things.
There's nothing new in that Baltimore scheme. +"
continued the man who had seen the rise and fall
OF the CDmstock. the great days OF Virginia City
aud Of Carson and had lived with Sandy Bowers
in his Aladdin palace and had refused work 70
Jim Fair who thereupon went OFT and became
bonanza king along with Mackay and Flood and
OBren just to show in a spteful way that his old
fob wasn't after all SO much Unless Baltmore's
got more Of saving grace than II il commonly
credited with having and whole heap more than
falls To the lot Of sinful humanity in other cities
"a ,.l,y ,la,t h.,
without its costing any individual member more
than dollar in fines for good bit Of a time while
itsnew. and the Baltimore b. A. r. S. will elevate
It's horns in tn" face Of the ungodly and make q
blatant nuisance OF itself But all at once the
President Of the society will start off on an unre
generate toot and by the time he's through with il
aud is taking his dose Of trional up in the ward.
thrrrl be about SIS rs fines assessed against
him Then its in his neighborhood whether he'll
cash in ar throw up the whole delusion He may
he prnient enough With the throat he has by
that TIM, it's easy enoughtO be penitcnt but the
man who will cash up when his fine runs up over
SIS doscnt exist, and the society has TO elect a
new President. by the time the Secretary and the
Chairman OF the Executive Committee and good
showing among the grand officers have gone the
SAM way, the Baltimore u. A. 7 s will surrender
their charter divide the surplus in one grand treat
and submit 10 the inevitable operation OF the moral
Law, for such ia destiny. Tom Fitch once said
when he stumpng the state for old man
Sharon and somebody asked him II the faro q mes
were to be shut down.
Il ought To know what I'm talking about, for
have seen that thing tried. Our moral friends
down in the place where the oysters get fitted for
tin Jackets are only tin horns themselves They
make the white chips two bits and only shove in
single chip to play. Why. that's only IS dozen
to break the law it's only 81 so to break the deca
logue, and that is scandalously low But I've
seen the time when il cost three months for the
first offence Of treating being treated. And
I've seen in the State prison at Carson City the
offenders against the law doing their time about
one third Of the total male population. and you
know there amt much of the other kind yes,
there was about one third Of the total population,
cinnamon and Indians not taxed excluded. don't
know but that the Princess Sarah Winnie ! ucca
was up too, for all she was IN lnun she was game:
khr could play set Of high fours in jacker az
his'onsolate as il she was Just hanging on to get
her ante back and she could get any amount OF
the Eastern capital We were all looking for to use
In our business Whether they had her in Carson
can't say for they woudt let us over To the
womens side. Yes, indeed. | was sent up. too.
and did my three months You see Judge Nye
and were in the Laurel Palace in Carson City
and sung out 'Whatll you have? always did
have a pretty cherry hail and il happened that ii
was overheard by a policeman the street He
pOkcd his head in at the door and he saw me tax
Ing drink with the Judge. hut the Judge, he did
not zee 10 recognize him. for his back was To the
door So was yanked up before Judge Nye
himself the next morning. Oh, II was rich TO hear
him giving me the limit with moral lecture
, Chucked in. lie Offered to make my sentence
light one if | would turn States evidence and
disclose the man who was the sharer ofmy guilt
4 iph I A bate
team at one of the melodeons took us OF and
heard il one OF their most popular turns OF
course was not able to go. hut Judge Nye went
and he told me he never had so much fun in his
life But here, am away ahead OF my story
After the Comstock fattened out things looked
mighty bad for the Silver State Naturally they
looked worse the farther away you got Back
Fast guess they thought that there was nothing
left but sage brush and Digger Iniuns Down at
the Bay they understood that there would always
b" some sort OF a living for few Of the right sort
In Nevada so long as there were two Senators OF
the United States to be elected every so often.
You know how that was The men who were
likely to want to run for Senator left China cook
or somebody TO keep up their residence for them.
and TO make II legal they throw in a sweetener
about a year. After Marx Twain left us
and the Lode shut down its dividends, there were
pretty hard times in Nevada There wasn't one
Of us up there who stayed because he wanted to;
We all stayed because we had to Still there
were some slim pickings which had 10 come to
somebody; so got them, II it hadn't been
for the Necessity Of being represented in the halls
Of Congress by real statesmen, particularly In
the Senatorial hall the few Of MS who were stick
ing II out would have been az shabby and dis
reputable as the Piutes,
But this was fact that We were sworn never
to allow to escape beyond our borders, That
was why our newspapers came out in glowing
terms about our prosperity, 1t was wretched
for us TO read the Virginia City Chronicle and
the Carson Appeal with these glowing inveracities
still could not help having some fun out Of it,
You know what Nevada soil it, all alkali and salt
three pieces Of sage brush to the acre fair aver
age crop Well. Sam Davis once wrote brilliant
editorial in praise Of our soil and its marvellous
fertility. II was beautiful, ii almost made
Us feel that We could win out by going into farm
Ing Fact, il did. Why | saw Jim Ornsdorn
read tho article and then hunt around under the
bar until he got handful Of lemon seeds and
then he went out and planted them in front Of the