Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1899-07-13
SHE RODE PIGEON-TOED.
Imagine the Audacity of the Man Who
Told Her of It.

The long, timber, loose jointed in
dividual who was riding leisurely
along the boulevard on bicycle
quickened his pace slightly and drew
alongside a young woman attired in
divided skirts and riding a mans
wheel
IF you will not think I am taking
too great liberty, MISS" he said,
raising his hat, Il will venture to tell
you that you ride pigeon-to ed."
"Sir!"
ooh, most decidedly. Pigeon-toed.
Nobody, perhaps, has done you the
kindness to call your attention to it.
The effect, as one may say, viewed
from the rear
Il don't think you're much of a
gentleman, anyway"
Yes, but l am. I'm gentleman
old enough to be your father, young
lady. That is why l took it upon
myself to speak to you. Wouldn't you
rather
I'D rather not have anything to say
to you, sir!"
Neio SoI1lS " don IL YOU WOuluu |
rather | spoke to you about it than to
wink at somebody on the sidewalk
and point at you, and let you ride on
in ignorance?"
mo, sir, 1 think there is no occasion
to speak of it,
Il beg your pardon, but l think there
is. couldn't be ungentlemanly enough
to jeer at you behind your back, and
from my point Of view"
Besides, I have never been intro
duced to you, SIR
Then allow me to introduce myself
My name is Civilians. Have a wife,
but no children. Hence, have plenty
of time to go about doing good"
Sir, Il
and from my point of view, as I
was about to say, it would be almost
equally ungentlemanly to see a young
lady ride pigeontoed manner and give
her no intimation that she is making a
bewildering spectacle of herself
Il don't believe it, either"
BE it far from me to dispute with
you, miss, but you will pardon me for
observing"
Il won't, either!"
For observing that you are not
riding the least bit pigeon-toed now"
How dare you, sir?"
ct does take good deal of courage:
that's fact But. it's a sort of duty.
am always getting into scrapes, even
when l am trying the hardest to be
public benefactOr Great Scott, young
woman! Do I look like a man who
would go around pOking his nose into
steel traps merely for the enjoyment
of the sensation?''
81 was going along here peaceably,
sir, and paying no attention to you,
and it does seem to me"
Il beg your pardon, my dear Miss
Miss"
Never mind, sir!"
Miss Nevermind-thank you-why
will you persist in refusing to look at
the case from my point of view? Just
your pigeon-toed form of riding it
doesn't follow that nobody ever ought
to tell you, and who can do it SO ap-
pIopl lately do 0Oll1C oII,
still active, young woman, still active
hunks like me? Pigeon toes gen
orally accompany-steady, now-they
generally accompany bowlegs-'
''Sir, think you are"
They do, indeed, miss. They do, in
deed I wouldn't deceive you in a
matter like that. They don't always
go together, of course, but the pre-
sumption is strong. Now, my wife
rides out occasionally in her wheel,
but I do assure you that if she rode
pigeontoed, or had dropped handle
bars and a hump, or wore the Jenny
Miller style Of gear-I am not sure
whether that's the proper name for
it"
well, it isn't"
"Probably not. But if she did all
that, and rode a mans machine, be-
sides, should say to her: My dear,
have a position in society to maintain.
l owe something to my family name.
There is no blot, l believe, on the
name Of Civilians. Therefore, my
dear, if you insist on going out in that
style I shall hire some trusty police
man to go along to take care Of you,
and l will stay at home and pray for
you. There are machines made for
women to ride on, and there is no
more need of their mounting a mans
wheel than there is for their riding in
the smoking car of a railway train
! because there happens to be a smok-
| ing car. And short skirts look bet
ter than short skirts and the Jenny
! Miller style combined That's the
way I should talk to my wife, and if
you knew her as we'll as | do you
would know I was taking a fearful
risk, young woman"
81 don't care what you would say t.
your wife, sir. I think you are the
most impudent old"
Il beg your pardon, miss, but you
are riding pigeon-toed again
''Will you please go on ahead sir?"
Il would like to oblige you, miss
but this is about as fast as can ride
I'm no scorcher. However, this is
where I turn Off I wish you good
afternoon, Miss Never-mind. have
enjoyed our little conversation very
much
| He lifted his hat turned down a side