Western news-Democrat. (Valentine, Neb.) 1898-1900, 1899-01-12
NaEcD07E
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tNcDENT

The late Prince Bismarck stopped
n day at an inn in the Black Forest
and called for q cup of chicory. The
astonished landlord brought him about
a gill. '"That's Ill 1 have in the house.
he said. Are you sure?' asked Bis,
marck. eyes, mein herr" VERY
WE'LL" said the prince, throwing the
stuff away; NOW make me some cot
fee"
In the time Of Nicholas the First,
writes Prince Kropotkin in the Allan
tic, soldiers were trained TO perform
almost inhuman tricks with their legs
and rifles Ito break the wood Of the
rifle to pieces while presenting arms
was n of those famous tricks, and
the good officer was he who could
show on a parade a rOw of soldiers as
perfectly aligned and as m~otionless as
a row of toy soldiers. VERY good"
the Grand Duke Michael said once of
a regiment, after having kept it for one
hour m~otionless, presenting arms, but
they breathe!,'
NOh' I u III III DCHdl vi
ony Of Cayenne, employed as servants
by the governor, got leave to marry.
They went to the Marie, and the lady
was asked if she was a spinster or a
widow. "Widow,'' she said. "Well,"
said the official, "but l have not the
certificate Of your first husbands
death" Really" said the bride, Il
thought it was not needed" why, it
Is an Indispensable document" The
lady smiled, and referred him to the
perceive, sir, that l was sentenced for
life for having poisoned my husband"
They were leaning against the bar
ran in Cassidy's saloon, on Valencia
street, the other night, when Flaherty,
the hack-driver, inquired Of Gallagher,
"How are yees on a conundrum?"
"Foine," was the answer; but DIV not
had one for some time. To tell yer der
trut', DIV been drinkin' stame beer
lately "O'im not talkin' of drinkin';
are yees good on gissing things?" col
can giss innything that walks" well,
thin, why is it all the rich Germans
refuse ter use green-colored robes in
their carriages?" A pause, and then
the reply: Il Dunno" Because they
think they're Microbes" said Flaher-
ty. Then the patrol wagon was called.
Sturgeon once passed a stonemason,
who, after each stroke of his hammer,
cursed and swore. Mr.. Spurgeon laid
his hand on his shoulder, and, looking
at him, said: you are an adept
at swearing. Can you also pray?"
With another oath, he replied: "Not
very likely" Holding up five shillings,
Mr.. Sturgeon said if he would promise
never to pray, he would give him that.
THAT is easily earned" said the man,
with a fresh oath, and put it in his
When Sturgeon left, the man
to feel a little queer. When he
home, his wife asked him what
allied him, and he told her. at is Jul
las money!" said the man, and, on a
impulse, he threw it into the
ire.
AT a Royal Academy dinner, several
artists and literary men waXed enthu-
in praise of favorite painters.
His glorious cOlOring is a fact about
said one. "And his glorious
is another fact about Titian,"
.ried a second. Carlyle, who had been
listening in silence, interrupted the re-
marks by saying, with slow delibera-
ion: "And here | sit, a man made in
he image of God, who knows nothing
bout Titan, and cares nothing about
'itian-and that's another fact about
Thackeray, slipping claret at
he moment, paused and bowed cour-
to Carlyle, as he remarked:
Pardon me, that is not a fact about
titan. But it is a fact-and a lament
BILE one-about Thomas Carlyle"
Baron Oppenheim. the wealthy bank
+ of Cologne, though a Christian of the
bird generation, never denies his Jew
;h origin, no matter where he happens
} be. Lately a French financier, also
f Hebrew extraction and 4 native of
little German town. though natural
ed in France. paid him a visit at his
counting house, bent on a >
lrge stroke of business in which he
eeded the aid of Baron Oppenheim,
hose financial influence along the
hine is almost paramount. He sent
his card. The bit of pasteboard al
lost suppressed the real name of the
lller, which was Coin. but added to i
le mere G of the Cohn a long and
owing title, more or less fictitious, {
lus: lie Baron G. de Point Figuier."
aron Oppenheim took the card, smiled {
quiet smile. and then babe his caller t
elcome, and proceeded to discuss f
with him. The next day he c
turned the French %tinancier's visit, {
Id sent in a card on which was print a
lie Baron O. de Cologne" c
annon Without Smoke or Noise. 9
Col. Humbert, a French army officer, -
that he has invented Il cannon -
e discharge of which can be neither =
en- nor heard by the enemy. He I,
the mouth of the gun automatic -
ly after the shot issues. thus sup =
essing not merely the smoke and the r
but the defamation caused by the y
dden rush Of air into the barrel. This