New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1899-05-17
YOU CAN'T BEAT 'E'M.
THIS WAS JoBsoN,s CONCLUSION
ABOUT WOMEN IN GENERAL.

THIS WAS JoBsoN,s CONCLUSION
ABOUT WOMEN IN GENERAL.
1t Was Prompted by a Midnight Elk
perience With His Wife, In Which
the Revenge That He Had Planned
| So Well Went Sadly Astray.
+ Mr.. Jobson got home from his Office
lat Ais one afternoon not long ago and
found note from Mrs. Jobson saying
| that che bad gone to hear the perform
ance of long haired pianist and that
he'd find his dinner all ready for the
! girl to serve it,
| ''That's good thing, too, y unused
Mr.. Jobson sulkily when he had read
the note. 'sIt's wonder these mattress
headed geniuses that come over here to
this country and rake in American dol
liars, hating Americans all the time,
wouldn't call their game at an hour
that nd permit a toiling mans wife to
be on hand at hcme to give him some
thing to eat when he wants it, etc.
| The opportunity was too good for
I Mr.. Jobson to miss, SO he declined to
eat any dinner when the servant put it
on the table. Instead he slammed on
his hat and went down town
{ He wanted to give Mrs. Jobson les
son. He ate an unsatisfactory dinner at
a restaurant and then poked around
| until it was time for a variety theater
| to open its doors. He had to watch
lot Of poorly played billiard games in
7 order to put in this time and to talk
with lot Of bachelors, from whose
| ways of thinking he had departed
He was bored exceedingly by theater
time. The show bored him still more,
but he stuck it out, for he wanted to
get home as late as possible, the better
to rub it in on Mrs Jobson. By II
o'clock he reflected that he had had
pretty poor sort of an evening-his
evening paper unread, his favorite pipe
neglected for lot Of cigars that gave
him heartburn, poor dinner, idle talk
with slew Of men that he didn' want
to talk to-, and finally a tawdry, cheap
variety performance that might have
got laugh out Of him ten years before,
but was only so much ribaldry to him
now.
He took in couple more billiard
games, however, after the show and
threw couple Of cocktails into him
self, not because he cared to drink, but
because he wanted Mrs. Jobson to smell
his breath and thus perceive the awful
consequences Of her conduct
Mrs. Jobson was comfortably tucked
in bed when Mr.. Jobson got home
about half an hour after midnight. She
had not even left light burning in
the vestibule or in the bedroom. She
woke up very leisurely when Mr. Job
son started one of the gas jets going.
She didn't say anything, however
Mr.. Jobson had expected to find her
up, fully dressed and in tears. He was
disappointed. He was more disappoint-
ed that she didn't greet him With re-
pinings. Mr.. Jobson saw that she was
likely to go to sleep again and that he
wasn't causing any grief at all by be-
ing naughty and keeping STILL So he
cleared his throat and said:
''Did he play the buck dance concerto
it p
There was lot of sarcasm in the
way Mr.. Jobson asked this question:
Mrs. Jobson didn't turn over at all.
'What are you talking about?'' she
inquired sleepily.
81 want to know if that Dutchman
that kept you away from your duty of
serving meal to your husband after
his day of grinding labor gave you your
moneys worth; also if you think you're
making any kind of a hit with any body
by these methods, hey?"
''Oh, the recital; that's what you're
speaking of, ISM it ?" said Mrs. Jobson
sweetly. 'Well, didn't go. I had in
tended to go when I started out shop
ping in the morning and left the note
for you telling you so, but I thought it
might annoy you to have me away
from dinner, and so, when concluded
my shopping, about o. clock this after
noon, decided not to go to the recital
The Fourteenth street car that brought
me up town passed the car that took
you down town. I saw you on the car
and wondered why you were going in
that direction. I suppose you had to go
back to your Office to work. It's shame
full the way they're overworking you,
you poor old thing and then Mrs
Jobson, who knew that Mr.. Jobson
hadn't been working at his Office, turned
over and subsidized into dreamy slumber
'You can't beat EN-" thought Mr.
Jobson when he got into bed He was
thinking of women in general.-Wash-
inpt0n Star