Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1899-12-19

And laud me to the skies.
They needn't
Rustic round and get
A golden sword
For me,
Nor mention me for President
] do not want it
See?
No, sir,
If you should deal me
Such cards as that-it's grand
To think of
For moment-but
] guess
I'd pass the hand.
..Publicity's fierce white light
Sounds we'll
To say THE public
Rubber-necked.
These swords and cups
And houses
And resolutions fine
May be all right. but as for me
l don't want them
In mine.
The only kind of hero
Who can hold upon his head
The laurels
And the bay-leaves
Is the hero who is dead.
SO, let them have
Their medals
Enough to fill tub
But there isn't
Half the worry, if you're
Just a common
Dub Baltimore American.
To illustrate the position of one Of the
great national parties during 4 campaign
noted for its fiery partisanship, Chaun-
cey Depew tells this story of the youth
full politician and the wOodchuck, relates
the Saturday Evening Post.
The tutor in one of the smaller schools
drilled a number of his brightest SchOl-
airs III the history of cotempGrary poll
tics, and to test both their faith and
their knowledge he called upon three of
them one day and demanded declara-
ton Of personal political principles.
You are a Republican, Tom, are you
not?
Yes, sir
And, Bill, you are Prohibtionist,
believer
. L am, sir
And, Jim, you are Democrat?
Yes. SIR
"'Wel. now, the one of you that can
give me the best reason why he belongs
to his party can have this Woodchuck.
which L caught on my way to school
this morning.
Il am Republican, said the first
boy, because the Republican party
saved the country in the war and aboi-
iShed slavery
And, Bill, why are you Prohibition
istT
I'm Prohibitionist' said the first
youth, because rum is the. countrys
greatest enemy, and the cause Of our
oyercrowded prisons and poorhouses.'
: Excellent reasons. Bill remarked
the tutor, encouragingly Now, why are
you Democrat, jim?
We'll, sir, was the slow reply. Il am
a Democrat because [ want that wood
chuck
And he got it, too," added Mr.. De
pew.
Il don't hear you saying Down with
the trusts any more"
No" answered Mr. Corntossel. 1.-THE
argument got too one-sided. | KEEP wait
in for some trust or mother to Get ND an
boiler down with Josiar CorntosseIr
But there didn't seem to be no reciprocity
nowheres, so [ jes' quit. w ashington
Star.
OF the Dublin gallery boys famous
baritone, in his "reminiscences, tells some
facetious tales-one of Faust" in which
he played Valentine.
After the duel Martha, who rushed in
at the head of the crowd, raised his head
and held him in her arms during the first
part of the scene, and cried out, in evil
dent alarm:
20, what shall I do?''
There was a death-like stiffness in the
house, which was interrupted by a voice
from the gallery crying out:
'UnbuttOn his Weskit!'-Spare Mo
ments.
Near Whitsett, this state, says the At
lanta (Ga.) Constitution, some of the col
ored brethren had q discussion IN the
meeting house as to whether or not de
worl' tu'n 'roun'" There was consider
able ''contendin' - for and against, but
the testimony of an old colored deacon
was conclusive. He said:
"Dey's no such ting ez de worl tn min
L, N1y I-,+
wuz de case, wouldn't all de water in de
sea spill out, wen de sea git upside
down? Answer me dat, now. En-. fud-
dermo', could you hor yo' balance ez hit
tuned oyerT'
Here a somewhat learned brother in
terrupted with:
Fer de Lawd sake, deacon, don't you
know muffin bout de contraction er
graduation?'
No, sub. [ don't!' Numbered the dea-
con. will you please splain ter de
meetin' what is contraction er gradua-
tion?'
"WeI' replied the brother who had
interrupted him, Il did know once 'pon
a time, but DANCED eff / amt done fer
git"
Hinson-'SIt makes me tired to hear
the bad grammar they make use of in
some of the stores. For instance one Of
the shopmen at Ketchum's said that he
sold three customers this morning, in
stead of saying that he sold them goods"
Murdock-''That's right 1t may sound
a little ungrammatical. but the man
knew what he was talking about. '-Bos-
ton Transcript.
II want to see the man who gets up
the list of names for juries," he said.
Have you any business with him ~
inquired the court official
Yes. There's a man who lives near
me who thinks he knows everything. He
talks loud and makes you feel small.
He's got to have the egotism taken out
of him somehow, and [ thought I'd call
around and see If you couldn't put him
on the jury. and let the lawyers ask him
a few of those hypothetical question. .
Washington Star.
-:O:-
A well-known politician who lives in a
nearby town has three very bright and
promising young children. Their mother
frequently tells them some Bible story
before undressing and putting them TO
bed for the night while the father is pos
sibly reading a detailed account of the
latest prize fight. The other night, after
Al r,e-t, 1cfio 4 ln