The Scranton tribune. [volume] (Scranton, Pa.) 1891-1910, 1899-07-29
Lightning Rod Man
and the Small Boy

Toosday * after l had wanderd round
Transferable, vewin the menagerie d awl
the rest ov the butcs ov nature | got
on the car cum down town agen
Myself q an other lady, akompnied by
a little boy, waz the onlcy okupants Of
the clOzed car.
/ notist the yung man eyed me a
goodcal d after a few minits he sed Ma,
who IL that MANI"
81 don't no. she rcpldc.
After a short paws he kontinude:
"Ain't he a funny MANI"
"llush, Harry, don't taTvk so lowd, the
man may hecr you" sed the woman. lie
kept still few 2nds, but he waz eyin
me awl the time & l was gcttin pretty
hdgetty when he remarkt
whats the matter with hiz eye, MAJ"
81 don't no, my deer"
81 CESS its glas, aint it?'
81 don't no; keep still, Harry
"Well, it don't moove like the other
duz.'
"Well. 1 can't help that; mebby it il
glas."
"Aint he got a funny noHe?"
Harry, don't tawk so lowd, heel certly
hoer you"
"Weli, hiz noze IL funny, aint it?"
"Ycs"
At this point 1 waz beginnin swct
pretty freely so l took off my hat. The
yung retCh startid ? snicker & scd hiz
muther:
HE amt got eny hare ON the top ov
his he'd, haz he, MAJ"
mo, deer, the man IL bawld."
Watts bawld?"
"a man without eny hare IL bawld, my
child"
"Oh." Then he kontinude: "Wat makes
hiz noze so red?'
I'm sure 1 don't no; perhaps he
drinks"
Drinks wat?"
"Whiskcy."
III that wat men drinks whiskey AZ"
"No"
"Well, wat due thay drink it i?'
I'm sure I don't no..
"Pa don't drink whiskey, duz he, Map"
"I hope not"
"Onley bad men drink whiskcy, amt
that awl, MAJ"
81 guess So"
"Then that mans a bad man, aint hep,
81 don't no."
"Well, can't you tell by hiz noze?"
mot awlways. l wish yude keep still,
Harry; look out the windo & see awl the
horses"
But the little fool kept loollin rite at
me awl the time az iho | waz a livin
CureOsity. Pretty sunc he scd
"Ain't he got awful big ears, MAJ"
don't keep still lie never take you 2 the
park agen."
kin peepil heer better with big ears
than thay kin with little 1872"
mo; now you shut Up or lie whip you
when / get you home"
This thret had the desird effeckt a
few minits, but he soon startid in agGn,
with:
81 wish Willie Jones waz here"
why" askt the woman
$50 We Good both laff at that funny
lOOkin man with the"
At this point she grabbed the Yung
reich by the hand & ierkt him out oV
the car 4th with, 4 witch l was dOoly
thankful. | CESS that car made the trip
az fast az thay genrallY due, but It
seemed hrs o. / am konsideld a
feerless man, but | must say I'd rather
spend 10 daze in iale than go threw
that Xperients agen. / got off the car
at the Hotel German & went in 2 the
drug store get a drink oV soda water.
| waZ no sooner seeted than a woman
sat down beside me- handed me a little
book. & sed: MY deer sir / am kol-
lecktnG subskripshuns 4 the sosicty 4
prcvenshun ov krulety children, will
you Civ me Sumthing"'
Madam" l reDlide. "I will Civ you
sumthing; | will Civ you sum good ad-
vice. Go home & stay home; don't be
begin mummy 4 sutch a poor caws. If
| had my way about it cVry child i'm the
Unitde States wood be beet deth with
10000 tack hammers. There iz at present
Q mutch sparing Ov the child q spoiin
ov the rod: if llerod waz alive ddy,
runnin 1 president ov the T. s. on hiz
old platform, heed get my vote e. awl (
Good influents, even if he waz runnin on
the PrOhibishun ticket"
She grabbed her book & rushed out
ov the dore muttring sumthing abowt
"CraZey" a. | had the LIST smiles q
liquid & ! fashuD Id had in an our & en-
| iOyd them both.
| was materially rilcd at the time &
may hav bin haSty in my remark.
! don't wish that yung spesimen Ov the
| rsin gencraShun eny hard luck but az
only az he amt def and dun he awt 2
! be kept muzzled 4 a few yeers. IIi2
muther calld him Harry e. if he amt a
sun ov the old Harry | miss my CESS.
A Kiddpr