The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-09-21
DINING WITH A DUKE.


FROM the BlaCkWOOdS MagaZ1ne.1
Probably the most unenjoyable meal at
which I ever assisted occurred when I
was a very young, self-conscious man
as to whether I Intended to be a field
marshal or Lord Chancellor-and when
l was actually invited to real London
dinner party at a real live dukes invita-
ton which l accepted not without mis-
givings. Not that any sordid suspicious
of the ducal fare crossed my innocent
mind; but visions OF unparalleled social
and L felt a nervousness as TO my debut
in society not becoming in a youth of my
tender years.
This fateful dinner party was fixed for
q Monday; and on the previous Saturday
L went down into the country to stay
couple of nights with a friend, only re-
turning TO 4-ohQon on th9 Monuay even
ing IN time TO dress 1or dinner And now
ensued one of the bittereSt moments of
cd my pOflmanteau, came nrSt the horF1d
suspicion. and then the awful certainty.
that my friends butler-may dogs defile
the graves Of his ancestors had forgot
ten to pack up my dress trousers!
Never shall forget the anguish of the
moment when this fact became patent to
me; ObStupuf! / was temporarily stunned
NJ rier, the ''slavey" of my lodgings, to
my aid. Anna NJ rier, however. could do
nothing but grin-whereby she momen-
tarily courted death-but finally fetched
her mistress, who, having been a lady'S
maid before she married a butler, and set
up bachelor lodging house IN Bury-st,,
Taking the situation at once she pointed
out, with many expressions of sympathy.
UnaI the only course open 10 me at J0aT
eleventh hour was to accept a loan of
her husbands evening trOuserS-an ex-
pedient to which, after much violent ex-
ceptiou on my part was reluctantly
obliged to submit.
Now Mr. Collins, my worthy landlord,
was mfddle-aged and exceedingly stout;
was very young and cOrrespOndingly
slim: and consequently there was at first
a gaping hiatus between me and the waist
band of the trousers, but this the thor
Oughly interested Mrs. Collins deity rem
edied with safety pin. But even then
these luckIess trousers seemed to possess
every possible sartOrial fault; those were
the days when it was the fashion for our
gnded youth to wear trousers of almost
like my own skin; they were suspiciously
shiny about the seams and above all they
were at least two inches too short.
There may possibly exist though doubt
predicament to mine would make light of
it. I am certain that neither my noble
host nor any of his guests troubled them
selves about the fit of my trousers. and
them were the gentlemen in plush and
powder who waited on US; but, like the
young ass that 1 was, 1 imagined that
every one else must be thinking about
them as much as was Nay. even when
1 able to conceal the offending gar
mentS under the dining table. 1 still suf-
that the good natured fine lady next to
whom I sat. and who talked knowingly
about army examinations. having a son
herself in that line of business, thought
payne as a restorative Champagne for
sOOthi OF what avail were all the vim
tages of sunny France to shy young
man dining with a duke, and wearing his
landlords trOuserSi
Suffice to say that I spent a very IN
comfortable evening, and to this day am
by no means disinclined to ascribe by lack
of social success to those i'll fated trous-
erS.