The Washington weekly post. (Washington, D.C.) 1878-1916, 1899-08-15
Proposed Burglar Trust.

There was young man with notebook
and pencil waiting TO tackle the Major as
he reached his office the other morning
and an interview had scarcely been asked
for when the Grand Promoter replied:
'Of course-of course. Sit right down
and hear about ii. It's about my latest
scheme, of cOurse-my Burglar Trust
Grandest idea ever put before the public
and I'm glad to have the press pick it up
Burglars have been working independent
ly of each other and cutting prices half
in two, and such proceedings must be
stopped or none of them can make a de-
cent living. What will be brought about
within month is trust that Will take
in every burglar in the land and bind him
10 schedule prices.
81 have been reading up on the history
o. the craft continued the Major, and
/ find that the burglar business began
about the year !. 1t would be queer
enough if the industry should peter out
after 1900 years of almost uninterrupted
success. Imagine the establishment of the
public to read in the papers some morning
that the last burglar had gone into tank
ruptcy and wound up business. 1t would
produce more of a flutter than the smash
ing of the oil, iron, and coal trust COM
bined. Up 10 the time the first trust
vas formed the burglar was able TO hold
his own and more. His work was steady
and his income liberal. His account was
worth having at the bank, and he was
liberal patron of most OF rhe arts IL was
no trick at all for a frst-class man to
pay cash down for a set of tools, or to
buy out a restaurant next door TO d bank
The bank-vault trust, the time-lOck trust
the safe trust, and half a dozen others
hit the profession hard blow 1t was
organization against individuals, and
there could be but one result. Even the
machinists who made the keys, Jimmies
wedges, and blow-pipes formed a trust
and raised prices 80 per cent, and the
best-knoWn crooks in the country couldn't
get ten days credit.
1t was either a trust or bust with the
burglars. l found them ready 20 meet
the emergercy. and hence the new move.
We have capitalized al $4,000 600 and
start with a paid-Up capital Of $500, eco.
Our stock will not be sold ~ less than
par, and | have no doubt il will go 10 80
after a few weeks. We shall follow The
example Of the Standard Oil and. ether
trusts and freeze out all competition. The
burglar who won't take stock Will be
driven to days work or TO State prison.
Can't beat the scheme, my dear boy
can't beat il. Something novel and
original. and il will be d mCney-maker
from tie start.
And you can SEQ the benefits which
must follow organization and an abund-
ance Of capital In the first place. We
shall open and control a machine shop
for making our own tools This viii be
saving Of at least 80 per cent and in
sure better workmanship. 1t is only now
and then, as things are now, that we
have opportunity 10 practice on a safe
lock or test new inventions for blowing
open the doors of bank vaults Having
our own shop and our own EoFkmen, We
will have every facility for Dractice. In
the second place. all work will be done
under the direction Of the executive
board, and as this win be composed OF
three OF the best burgiare in the country.
il is not too much 10 predict that all jobs
VIII be brought on with neatness and dis
patch. With years Of experience. the
best Of tools and an ambition TO excel.
ii will be strange If the sharDest house
holder keeps US out or the crafJiest bark
er gets ahead OF US We shall hay. men
in every principal city in the land TO
pipe OF good things for US, and when
the fruit Is ready for picking IL will be
picked. Bonds, cash, and jewelry will
be our specialtieS, and viii be disposed Of
by our own agents and at a great saving
over present methods.
And as for dividends. | can't for the
life Of me see how they will BE- less than
10 per cent. per quarter. Burglary has
always been paving business. even with
individuals acting for themselves With
the work in the hands Of men who have
made their mark over and over egafn.
and with our facilities for disposing Of
the plumber al largely increased prices.
the DIVIDENDS can't be small And. TOO.
there's the criminal lawyer Heretofore
he has always set his own fee when act
ms In burglar cases. ana has often got
more out Of IL than the plumber sold for.