The Saint Paul globe., 1899-12-10
EPIsTLEs TO ST. PAUL.

EF1STLES TO ST. PAUL.
DO you think literature pays?'
| lle question was asked OF a middle
| aEed man with mole on bis cheek and
| big knobs on his dome of thought
| sure thing" ne replied affabIy. Git
| erature combined with business tact is
| 1our time winner. 1 am now at work
! on brochure for publication, entitled
| How TO Catch the Rheuma tism or Every
J Man HIS Own Barometer In the reada-
o-e httie work 1 graphically portray the
| economic benefits to be derived from
| severe case of rheumatism From a
financial point Of view it is the cheapest
| disease man can contract Instnad of
| paying out big round dollars for a barorn-
| eter he can sit in his house and .prognosti-
! cate all kinds Of bad wes ther. Every
| l~lnge Is q reminder and every ache a
nuhctl 10 the effect that he Is not paying
eilytbing for scientific information. =
This work will be supplemented bv
| Chapter OH the Cultivation, Of Corn in
| opposition to the signal service bureau
mo l pted States government is paving
out millions OF dollars annually. 10 sun
port department which Is entirely. use
less My book will furnish all informa-
tioh necessary to sea-going people, tarm-
| ers' and all others interested IN atmos-
pfer1c changes. It Will make the signal
| service bureau from Gen Greeley down
| feel sick" "'"n
DO yeu think there will be- a large
proht en- the sale of such Il work?''
| i sra not counting en- any proft from
this b2ok. the middle-aged man replied.
~ "hat way then, co yea purpose to
combine profit with Hterature?''
hats the point After my book has
secured firm hold On the people. and
they nave. adopted its teachings and pre-
ccpts, l shall Immediately come ,ut with
my 'Su ard Swift Sw.per of Rberrra.
tlSnl This work will be a great advar-
tisehient for my rheumatism cure which.
OF course. Is /, und to sell Ike hot cakes
1n 6I'at IS where the profit will come In.
Do you smoker
NE-nzat1on Is on the retrogade.' glib
pered the ghost, as 1t foated in ar tha
Keyhole and assumed the shane If NOT
the substance, of knight of the time of
Richard Coer Lion.
how do You make that out?" snarled
youth wearing cuff for a collar
on thirteen-inch neck
1t Is this way whispered the ghost
as shiyer went through the youtb
from the cold damp wind blowing from
the. direction of the ghost '.Tn the
good old days of the Greeks and .Ro
mans gladtators fought. naked. at times
with only natures weapons, and anon
a
turleS rolled away cOmbatants began to
clothe themselves in armor. AT first
II was meFel.- rawhide and the skins of
| WIG beasts. Then 1t advanced to netaI
until in my day We. had chain. armor.
with Sreaves, breastplate and helmet 7
dlso' -but time went on. ArTnor was
discarded, and soldiers fought unarmor-
eo' puGliists used bare ,fats, and games
OF Dali were played by men who had the
n1anHCOQ
other protection than nature had given
tthefa Now look at you people. Faugh,
You give me a pain. Pugs go into. tho
ring with stuffed mittens on their fists.
ana some. wear. plasters,. bandages and
other means of protection. for their
delicate bodies Baseball players. wear
masks, catching gloves, stuffed clothes
and !eathern breastplates; ,Look- al, your
fragile football players with nose guards
and ear guards. and waddling. around
In padded garments which actually
prevent any free action of the limbs
Your pugilists are looking glass fight
ers ard you. ball players are arrant
: 1eoN%a ardS.55 Out upon such contenptible
dllffers3 eafted sportsmen!''-
The ghost slowly faded into the com
pass necessary to pass through the key
hole and the youth with a cuff for col
lar had something to reflect on for the
next three weeks.
"Can you give me any good reason
why should rot throw you in?" in
quired the big copper of the hobo down
at the union depot yards.
"DuZzens uV UNI replied the box car
tourist. Eyer see, I'm an Idaho union
miner trln out Nv employment. I've
h:ked mos uv me way East cause de
shack on de freights made me- hit de
gravel whenever I boarded er train. 50
l could put up er hard luck story. as
would wiring tears from stun quarry
Some NV de union guys wus good ter
me, else I'd bin planted long ago, an
then .agin, sum NV de farmers an ranch
ers set dogs on me an / was forced to
go gumpng in de chucken houses along
de pike. l kin git er job in Chicago, near
de Joliet quarries- an eff yer lets me
mesey- er long I'll git thar soon an'<set-
tie down ter work"
Sure thing?"
ION de dead" -.>.~
You'll pass right through town and
not stop to beg on the -streets?'',.. .:.-.-
.'Yissir. Cert
"All right: hike OUT
I'm off, boss. But, say, gist say up
to the central station dat me visit ter
St. Paul had no perlitical significance"
Since the Humane society has protested
against making the poor horse pun huge
marble blocks up the Fourth street in
cline, and since the merciful drivers have
accustomed themselves to the device.
borrowed from the steam railroad. of
having the heavy load puaacd up the
hill. or at least given a start" by one
of the big Selby cars polling it with
small log. two questions arise:
How long will it be before the pole
will slip and some one in the vicinity be
MANNED or killed In the. crash resultant?
And when the capitol commission meets
again will a bill be presented:
Capitol commission to St Paul
Street Railway company. DR..
To. hauling marble, winter of 1899
15uO. ...-...-......-.. -Sloo-zo
Mayor Kiefer has already moved into
his new house on Tenth street. before
the snow came. It is remarkab bic, almost.
In it's humoristischness that the mayor.
who would not by the w. c. L. U. con-
vention speak out IN meeting, should for
his residence select site that faces the
street known by the name OF Temper
ance, to do 1t so much honor.-..Ts that not
so, again? The Philis:ine.