The times., 1899-04-02
SLIPS OF THE TONGUE.
Resulting in Things One Would
Rather Not Have Said.
From I'D Brooblyn Ea.le.l

(From the Brooklyn Ea-ie-l
A fashionable congregation was one
startled by hearing the reverend gentle
man announce that they were about to sing
Hymn No. 35S-From Iceland,s Greasy
Mountains After this they listened with
eauanimity when they were reminded that
they should not covet their nsighbor's
house nor his 'oss, nor his axe" Preach
ing before varsity congregation on the
Queens diamond jubilee. he reI.a ksd, i'm
pressively: Now, my brethren, you hays
queer dean. very queer dean. very
queer dean indeed" As it was widely
known that he had recently a serious +
ference of opinion with the dean of his
college. the slip was intensely enjoyed.
The same reverend gentleman once "a
sured his hearers that they all knew what
it was to have "A half warmed fish" within
them a ha!f-formed wish he meant.
on another occasion he referred to Ben
the BAPTIST" Feeling dirly that there was
something wrong, he tried to correct ma
ters: No. no; mean the Japtist Pon,'
Another dear old college g5ntlenau had
occasion to reprimand an uRdergt taduate
who had wasted two consecutive terms in
youthful follies. After lectur-ng the delin-
quent severely in his queerly high-p;tchs1
voice. the uedn HnisEsu an
| sorry 10 have to speak severely to you.
but am credfbiy informed that you have
broken many rules OF the college; you have
been ineorrigibly lazy; and, to cap it a !.
| you have deliberately tasted two worms,
Are you fond of music. Mr.
Yes" was the diyine's answer: but
| don't know very much about ii. | don't
| think l have very good ear-in fact, the
| only two tunes really know well are God
fh..
| Queen"
What will you have? was once asked
nervous clergyman at a Widespread lunch
con table as the time came for the second
course Thank you murmured the en-
barrassed cleric, with his eyes fixed on
| seductive-looking strawberry cream in
! front OF his hostes, Il think | will have
| little of that stink pun!
| And this reminds one of another dinner
| tale. The stage was dessert. Hostess
/ what will you have. Mr.. Jones? There ara
nuts oranges, figs. Mr.. JoneS-Pigs, feaS.
| AT the licensing session held in a Ger
| tain west country town recently. the chair
man. dealing with the statutory limit for
| bona fide travellers and getting his express
sions little mixed. referred to it as being
three miles as the flow cries" &" \ limb
| of the law who was engaged in the case
ventured to correct his worship. With
deferential smile, this exponent tried to
amend the phrase: Your worship means
! as the fly crows'-or rather he added
| hastily "as the cry flowsi No one was
sufficiently rash to make a further attempt.
| II would not be fair to mention the name
| of the modern Mrs. Malaprop. who recently
made the quaintest faux pas. The con-
versation turned on a forthcoming fancy
| dress ball, to which all the house party was
| going. She was asked what dress she pro-
| posed to wear. I'm having dress copied
| from an old French print. It's the period
| Of the revolution. The picture is one OF
| Marat being murdered in his bath by Char
| lotte Bronte,'' 1t would have been most
| impolite TO correct her. and no one ever
| knew whether it was mere ignorance, con-
| fusion of ideas or absence OF mind