Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1899-11-16
HE BUILT A WHEEL.
ERASMUS COVERED HIMSELF WITH
GREASE, CRIME AND GLORY.
only TO Find out In the End That II
Was Better to Leave Bicycle Max
ing to Those who Were Profess
SIGNALS In the Business.

SIGNALS In the Busincss.
Erasmus Il. Greene was n bicycle ia.
matte. He could identify any one Of 73S
makes of wheel at n glance and knew
just why the Scruggs wheel had 30
spokes to the front wheel while the High
tlier possessed but rs.
He gave i%mpromptu and unsolicited
lectures upon high gears, flush joints and
crank hangers until his acquaintance
weakened on him and greatly desired to
slay him.
Also he was painfully fluent II n, the
subject of professional and amat v rec
ords and the well known bicycle problem
-2S divided by I teeth rear times %
front equals S. gear.
Erasmus had it so badly that the doc
tors gave him up.
In one of the ~ basement storcrooms
appertaining TO the building wherein
Erasmus had his abode he had fitted up
n repair shop and every day or so would
change the gear and color of his wheel.
bend his handle bars into weird and I'M
canny shapes, change tires and add
inches to his seat post until he became a
sort of Ishmaelite among whcclmon and
was %blackballed at the cycling clubs.
But the possession Of the repair shop
was a boon 10 Erasmus.
IT seemed to him that every time he'd
start off on n trip with his old shack"
the said shack would loom up with n
%punctured tire, a stiff neck, a twisted
spoke or some other of the myriad Ills to
which a bicycle is heir.
Then Erasmus would lumber down TO
his repair shop, tinker awhile and come
forth redolent of gasoline and covered
with glory and graphite.
Eventually. however, the frequency Of
this proceeding began to make Erasmus
tired.
He begin to realize dimly that much
valuable time was being spent in the
shop-time which might be better utilized
in admiring nature and pink shirt waists
in the parks.
So Erasmus concluded to build himself
a wheel. He would do it all himself, and
no ignoblc mechanic should have a finger
in it.
Erasmus discovered that the requisite
parts of a $50 wheel would cost S41.10,
tires extra.
But Erasmus was enthusiastic over his
idea: also confident of his ability. lie
sailed in.
In about two weeks Erasmus, battered,
haggard and untidy. held in his hand a
now frame of late model, each separate
joint Of which was ornamented with Il
luip of spelter the size of a cantaloupe.
Erasmus filed the spclter until he was
wesry, then got out his old shack to glory
in the difference which would soon be- his.
Every day thereafter Erasmus would
squat in his basement and file infnitesi-
NAL atoms of spelter off the frame with
Il rasp.
All through the cool autumn evenings,
while others were wasting time in the
parks and on the lake front, Erasmus
could be heard scraping away in his
basement.
He paid no heed to time, He rarely APP
peared at meals. During business hours
he would imagine that he was filing spel
ter, and his writing began to resemble
Irish thistles on n centerpiece.
During the cold winter evenings Eras-
mus, in a chinchilla overcoat, would squat
in his repair shop. plugging away at the
spelter, with chattering teeth and chap
ped hands.
At last it was over. The frame was a
dream of beauty. 1t had been SAINT pa
pereG and polished until it shone.
The bluebirds were singing in the parks
md the park laborcrs were raking the
leaves to beat the hand. Inc eaftn waS
green and brown in spots.
Erasmus proudly shouldered his frame
and took it to the euameler to have il
painted sky blue, with yellow polka dots
What do you think of it?' he inquired
of the enameler.
The enamelcr looked it over and sQuint
ed down the tubes.
Its pretty near straight he said
but | believe if l were you I'd have i
cut down.
Cut down. exclaimed Erasmus an
grily. what for, you blooming IDIOT"
ITO make it ny to date" answered the
blooming idiot. This here's a last year
model"
Erasmus sat suddenly upon a freshly
enarncled bicycle and began to apply hi
stagnant memory to dates.
Then he arose, shouldered his frame
and wendell his way toward his base
ment.
The tenants complained OF the nois'
next morning, and the old iron man pai'
Erasmus little brother 20 cents for thu
wreck.
Now, when the subject of bicycles i
mentioned in the presence of Erasmus
the cold. steely Glitter-the glitter o
hopeless insanity-in his eyes causes on
to drop the subject and begin to talk o
golf or automobiles. Chicago Record.