davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
tonic co-operaton is the hope OF the world.
WILLIAM b. WALLER
New Rochelle. N. Y, Dec g. 1892
USES OF THE PENSION ROLL
THOUSANDS or INCREASES SECURED WHEN THE
ROLL WAS PUBLISHED.

USES OF THE PENSION ROlIL.
THOUSANDS OF INCREASES SECURED WHEN THE
ROLL. WAS PUBLISHED
To the Editor OF The Tribune.
Sir: I notice that you advocate the publication
OF the pension roll. take 1t that you mean by thls
that the name and address Of every person drawing
a pension shall be printed and posted where such
pensIoner lives I hope no such thing will be done
and It seems to me you will agree with me Whcn
you know the foundation Of my hope
About seventeen years ago the same cry was
started: publish the pension roll and expose the
frauds" The roll published at an expense OF
over $3.50 900 TO the people. as nearly as can get
the facts. 1t Is not known that single fraud was
unearthed by this publication and Its enormous
expense But here is what did happen The books
containing the names end addresses OF the pension
ers and the disabilities for which they were PEN
stoned soon found their way into the hands OF un-
scrupulous claim agents and. with this valuable
information furnished them gratutously by the
Government, they opened up correspondence with
the pensioners. explained what diseases and
troubles were natural and pathological descendants
OF the specific trouble for which the pension was
granted originally, and eloquently encouraged the
pensloner to make prompt application through the
agent for the increase OF pension so Justly due
from the great. rich Government II Is safe 10
say that Atty thousand increases were granted
as a direct result Of the publication Of the roll.
get my facts from three years service with the
Government in Washington when the roll was pub
nshed VIII not the same thing occur again? VIII
not the claim agents to-day get the same informa-
ton from any new publication about all the new
names added to the rolls since 1892 Are you sure
that the call for publication now does not come, as
it did IN 1882 directly from the claim agents them
selves? Surely no good soldier is afraid OF publca;
tion The Government has a large force Of special
examiners scattered throughout the States, and
they are working with and through the Grand
They will find all that exist. II publication would
benefit the pensioner II could not come too soon II
benefits the claim agent only. ]. II. ROBERTS
Pro- no. 1899
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
PEEKSKILL.

The funeral Of Mrs. Sarah II. Craft, wife OF
George e. Craft. of the NewYork Street Cleaning
Department will be held at her home. NO 4zl
North Division-st.. this village to-day at l:So
o'clock Mrs Craft died on Thursday night after
a brief Illness from pneumonia. She was born In
Rockland Lake on November IL. 1910. ana was 'i'e
only daughter OF John s. and Penelope ]. Cokalete
She was married 10 Mr.. Craft on January 81, 1901,
and ne and two sons survive her. Mr.. Cra1t was
for many years prominent politician and nrernah
and was 4 past Chief Patriarch OF the STATE IN,
csmpment Of the odd Fellows. Mrs. Craft hsu
been for n quarter OF n century a menoer vi d.
pauj's Methodist Episcopal Church.
The Rev DR. Daniel Requa Foster % tormet PetSanW W
IresfvteTian Church at Trenton. N j., on &C
cor nj OF his health. He organized the church III
1ss6 and has been It's only pastor
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
SING SING.

The Rev George Sanderson, who has been ap-
pointed chaplain OF Sing Sing Prison by Super
intendent Prisons Collins, TO succeed the Rev. j.
c. S. Wells. resigned has begun his duties For
fifteen years he chaplain Of the Albany Peni-
Tertiary In addition TO looking after the spiritual
interests OF the the chaplain has charge OF all
correspondence between the prisoners ana thelI
friends. He also has charge OF the prison horary
and the selection OF books and periodicals
School Commissioner Jacob G. Miller yesterday
filed with Town Clerk Robert 7. Dennis petition
asking that certain property in School District No
4 be transferred to School Districts NOS ana o,
with "A view equazing the taxable properly IN
the three districts which contain the following tax
able property. No T. 81. 1851 6S2 No 2. S55,5sO; No o
sf6O75 A Joint meeting Of the trustees Will be held
on January g. and the matter will then be turned
over to Miss Berbert the woman Commissioner
who takes office on January /, 1900
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
Sr-cCrsSFUL LAUNCH AT DETROIT.

Detroit Dec. 30.-At noon to-day there was sue
reasf,llly launched from the Wyandotte yards OF
,he Detroit shipbundins Company what is conf
IDENTIFY claimed 10 be the finest and fastest excur-
sion steamer on either the lakes or the seacoast.
The new boat was named Tashmoo. the name
of St Clair River resort one OF the enterprises OF
the White Star Company. owners of the craft The
Tashmoo is a graceful sidewheeler. modelled large
ly after the most modern OF the Hudson River pas
sen0er steamers She measures 800 feet ALL
~ feet beam and 1871 feet depth. The boat is OF
steel Her engines of the inclined triple expan-
sion tyne and are expected 10 propel her two miles
an hour faster than any other vessel on the lakes.
The decks spacious. and the INTERIOR hardwood
fittings and decorations elegant. The Iashnoo wiz
run on the Toledo. Detroit and Port Huron route.
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
MOUNT VERNON.

Early yesterday fire discovered IN the factory
of the Mount Vernon Chemical Company, In Four
teenth-ave., near the New-York city line. The flames
rapidly spread to- the adjoining building. which was
formerly a piano factory. owned by Sleicher
Son and now used as a tenement house, A new
house which was being constructed near the chem
ical works also took fire. but was saved; Inc
water pressure poor. and the chemical com
pany's building was consumed The tenement
house was so badly damaged that the inmates had
10 abandon their homes. Many OF them sought
shelter. with neighbors. The loss is estimated al
about 5000
The yearly report Of the treasurer OF the Mount
Vernon Hospital shows a balance on hand OF
1928 So The total amount received during the year
was s. 357 Is The number OF patients treated was
ISL, Of whom 100 cured and IL died. The an
nual reception of the hospital will take place to-
morrow afternoon and evening. under the auspices
OF the women OF the House Committee.
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
NETWORKS LIGHTERAGE SYSTEM.
IT'S RELATION TO THE QUESTION OF THE


To the Editor Of The Tribune.
Sir: Your editorial in to-days paper THE
Menace to the Grain Forts puts the case not too
strongly But what will be done about II? We
shall soon see a demand that the State spend
twenty to fifty millions to enlarge the canals. that
the trade via New-York may be saved. II the
people up the State knew this business they would
not vote a dollar for enargng the canals until
the city OF NewYork had done away with the ex-
tortionate lighterage and elevator charges.
These charges are greater than the cost OF lake
transportation on corn from Chicago TO Buffalo.
Time is also a factor in transportation. Now n
five thousand vessel loaded with enters
Buffalo in the morning-dscharges the cargo
loads with coal and starts back TO Chicago the
same day.
How long Oh. Lord how long, does IT take to do
the same amount Of business In the port Of New
York?
Ii looks very much TO a up a tree that the
city OF New-York cares little for the bulky grain
trade but would be content TO II go elsewhere.
Politics and Wall Street seem to be about all the
New Yorker can take In o. e BRITT
Morristown n. j., Dec. is. 1899.
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
SAVE THE POST ROADl

To the Editor oil The Tribune.
Sir: Save the Post Road! Even now this beaut-
full driveway lies the threshold Of great city.
Its resources for attractiveness and value a
road with an improved and appropriate super
structure; It's old trees preserved and It's bare
Intervals planted. cannot be overestimated. En-
phasize at points along the way its story in our
country's history with stones and tablets. that
our youth shall forget and save the Post Road!
JOHN Y. CULVER.
New-York Dec q, 1888.
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
A CHANCE FOR MATHEMATIcIANs

To the Editor of The Tribune
Sir: The following proposition is submitted to you
and may furnish some amusement to your readers:
A farmer has ar acre oil ground surrounded by O
circular wall, inside OF which a COW is grazing II
is required TO know the length of a rope affixed TO
the outside OF the wall that will allow another COW
just liberty enough 10 Craze another acre outside
the circle. ST PATRICK'S SCHOOL.
Brooklyn, Dec. IS 1899
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
THE QUESTION BEGGED OUTRIGHT.

To the Editor OF The Tribune
Sir In your paper OF December 10 you class
those who believe that the twentieth century begins
on January l. 1900 as afflicted with mental aber-
ration" As l belong to that class, allow to
say why l am there. AS a century is hundred
years and one year is twelve months one hun
dred years twelve hundred months. From
January l. 1900. to January l. 1900. Is twelve hun
dred months. and the nineteenth century ends and
the twentieth century begins.
NewYork. Dec. Is, 1899. COMMON SENSE.
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
HOME NEWS.
PROMINENT ARRIVALS AT THE HOTELS

PROMINENT ARRIVALS AT THE HOTELS
pr-CIrINGHAM-J s. Harris president OF the
PHILADELPHIA and Reading Railroad. FIFTH AVE
NTIF-senator Redfeld Proctor, OF Vermon.
r. r. FAST OF tne INV. NV.
or Providence. MANHATrAN-E. W. bo"ui'Tn I
~ Roston SAVOY-Justice NJ. l.. Stover, OF ,r ,ro
New-York State Supreme Court. sLUniEs $500
Major d. Madden. u. S. A. WALDOnr WALJ',f ~ ~.
Knott. OF Louisville and Countess de Chavanne' OF
,uaHnl
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31

A man can reach any conclusion by arranging
the premises 20 suit himself. II the present
century had begun with the year 1900 It GER
tainly would end with the year 1899 But in
reason and in fact. by the common consent Of
clear headed people and by authoritative de-
cision. It began with the first moment OF 1901
and must therefore end with the last moment
OF 1900. 10 wit, the stroke OF midnight of
December 81 Of next year.-Ed.l
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
PELHAM.

Michael J. Donlon. Highway Commissioner OF the
town Of Pelham. died Friday evening at his
home, on Prospect ISL. He had been Ill Tor sew
eral months with lung trouble Mr.. Donlon was
about thirty y-hve years old. and leaves widow and
several children. He one OF the most actlVe
Republicans Of the town OF Pelham, ana mao helu
a number OF local offices.
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31

renr4e IT Burnett applied TO Justice Keogh IN
sneciaI Term Yesterday for an absolute divorce
from her husband James J. Burnett She charges
desertion and non-support in her compliant drs ,ar
1Surnetts live at Larchmont, where they We're mar
1ied i'm 1896 Mrs Burnett has not lived with her
husband since 1898
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
ENGLANDs CAUSE IN SOUTH AFRICA.

ENGLANDS CAUSE IN SOUTH AFRICA.
To The Editor Of The Tribune
Sir: / am pleased with the stand you have taken
on the South African question. While l think
England erred In going 10 when and as she
did, believe the only hope OF South Africa for
Sands aueeess am sha souSy SS nasss With yar
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
THURSDAY, JANUARY 4
SHIPPING NEWS.
PORT OF NETWORK. SATURDAY. DEC. 30. 1890
ARRIVED.

PORT OF NETWORK. SATURDAY. DEC. 30. 1890
ARRIVED.
Steamer St Louis Passow Southampton. December 23
with mdse 2s cabin and 1870 steerase passengers to In
steamer Delaware (Br). Davis London December L.
in ballast TO Philip Ruprecht. Arrived Bar 8
and II. with mdse to James Arkell & Co. Ar
steamer Lackswanna G'r), whyte. Barrow December
Ie ballast Philip Ruprecht Arrived at the Bar sl7
steamer wineand Dam. Petersen. stettin December
s shas Msv n Tv Haf a the cfS saT at m to
steamer PhOenlca Ger. LeIthsgser Hamburg becem:
seerase passengers Hamburg American Line. Arrived
steamer CsupposedJ carbbee CBr) Scott Barbados ETC.
with mdse and passengers 70 A outerbridge Co
Steamer (supposed) Mannheim GER. ockelman. Ham
burg December is to Philip Ruprecht on Fire Island
Steamer Helios Ger, Jansen Rotterdam December
Steamer Mat1nzas, Roger. TamPIco December p and
Ward & 60. Arrived @ at the Bar at ii53 m.
Der l6 in ballast to Philip Ruprecht. Arrived the
M R.s Hs ss "a %a %Gs sas Rsss%
.steamer winfred IAnshsrne N.w-oreans December
22 with mdse to 7 Van Sickle.
"I!n ma.s ana Ea:ssnSsr: q The OCEAN $;
Steamer Alsenborn. Gilingham. Baltimore. with mdse
sandy Hook. December 30. $50 p m-wind northwest.
moderate; clear.
Steamers Campania Gr) for Liverpool; Graf walder-
see (Gerl Hamburg via plymouth: Me1ico, Havana; FL
wick and Charleston: Italia GER Newport News etc;
Hamilton Norfolk and Newport News: Anchoria CBr)
glasgow Guyandoue. Newport News and Richmond
erbocker. New-oreans Indraghr CBr) Melbourne etc;
Christine DAM; AaThuus: Maasdam DutcD. Rotter-
Haytien. etc: Montcalm (r) London: Saginaw whining
Maanzas etc: Tallahassee Savannah "
New-York San Domingo etc;
THE MOVEMENTS OF STEAMERS.
FOREIGN PORTS
Liverpool Dec 30-saied. steamer Lucania CBr, Nc
Dundee. Dec 3o-sailed. steamer Critic (Bn Grinin.
NewYork.
Beachy Head, Dec eoPassed. steamers Matthew Bed
tBr). Bearpark New-York for Newcastle
ri. n'Gs % Hsss %s Dee .Hrds 50 G oa
ous;s:,owD, Dec 50 i;ts mAfIysd steamer E,ruria
Lizard Dec 80 l2S mPssssd steamer n eT5i TXsaialne
rf.i p.TrSs;, NswTYors for IIayTe,
= nrsmen Deg so-salied. steamer wiehad Ger.
An,.erp Dec so-saiied Arasonia tGer,. jan
iayss ps,-d, Dec 81 m-Arrived. steamer EAauain.
OH ays Ts,o Rs' Nsrerst 20 T-saed steamer La ch.mPasn'
dibraltsI, Deg a"fm..d steamer s.mplon. u,a,.
s con4sd Hoso etc sor MswY So1s steamer M'yun'
Genoa; Dec so-Arrivsd. steamer Kaiser Wilhelm II
Dardansiles Dec ao-Passed steamer Ben corlic Cpr,
Taylor. Batoum for New-York ''
Als1ers Dec XLsaiied steamer March (Br). Bell (from
Town Dec a..Ay:a A.. y Clan Cumming
RsmSussh. S;w-TOrk for asess. ''-"'' 'A'' S'''
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31

MINIATURE ALMANAC
anr-e "a Sunset 4:43 Moon rises G:26 Moons %
HIGH WATER.
AM-sandy Hook eos Gov Island $40 He'll Gate s:29
PM-sandy Hook 6:3e Gov. Island Tii Hell Gate 900
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
Announcements.

Remember this is Hospital Sunday" 1t Is
the last day OF year the Sunday OF the and
the last day Nineteenth Century Make II Red
Letter Day in your church collection.
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
OUTGOING STEAMERS.

TUESDAY JANUARY 2.
Vessel. For Line. Malls vessel sails
Algonquin, jacksonville clyde. ........ 800 m
Chalrnstts. Nsw-Crieans. MorEan..... 800 m
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
Amusemenis.
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 3.

New-York Southampton, American. 90 m 1000 m
Antwerp Red Star. 1880 a m l2:O m
Finance. Colon. Panama r R....... $3.50 m 100 p m
Spartan Prince. Azores Prnce.......
Alamo, Galveston, Mallory. ........... 800 m
THURSDAY, JANUARY l.
Ia Eormandie Havre. French. ...... 100 m 1000 m
X wilhelm der Crosse Bremen n G L 20 m 1000 m
PomeranIan Glasgow, Allan State.
Mad,ana bermuda Quebec. 1870 m 800 m
Havana, Havana. Ward...........'' l;Vop IN 3'O m
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31
MARINE INTELLIGENCE.

e W. "SYOSSET" E. a w.
A wide scanned Cellar.
New-York tribune., 1899-12-31

..,.u,,v rJrAr,D alst 81. Bway.
BhJhUWAI Evgs. g. Wed Sat Mats; Mni,6 az ~ 2,
;ScTo .........................P proprietor
New Year Matinee Tomorrow.
y BSNrDO NOT BB MSLGD By TIShEt ,b IT ~ 2vt,Ry
rAToRS ALTHOUGH THEATRE FILLED Al A E5nbr6 IL
PERFORMANCE, SEATS ARE TO BE HAD CF ~
THE RISE OF CURTAIN. A.
THE CENTURYs DRAMATIC SENSATION
KLAw & ERDANGBRs scUPENDoUS PKoDUCIiON'
- GEN LEW WALLACES
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-11

to the celestial paradise is only
reached after a tedious pilgrimage, COM
pared to which the terrors of the Chilkoot
Pass or the jungles of Africa are pitifully
insignificant. At one point in this journey
the Chinaman believes that he will have
to cross a chasm over which. for a bridge
there is nothing but a blade of the finest
steel, edged sharper than Saladin's scim-
tier. The chasm is too wide to be jumped
over, the sword is too sharp to walk on
even with the thick soled Chinese scan
dals, and the only hope is the ability Of
the pilgrim to interpose his cue between
his feet and the cruel edge. No cue; no
paradise! No wonder the poor Monaghan
sticks to his cue.
Another bit of Chinese lore is now al
most forgotten. Before the Americans
began the manufacture of firecrackers
they were imported from China. The
packages bore strange inscriptions which
told that they We're not intended to cele-
brate the anniversary of independence,
but that the crackers We're fired to scare
away some of the man devils that are
as thick in China as bubonic bacilli in the
plague stricken regions of India. The
inscriptions on the packages tell the kind
of devils the crackers are warranted to
brighten out of existence.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-11
THE MAINE ANNIVERSARY. BLOWN UP IN II


sula lying between Pamlico and Abe
marie sounds, in North Carolina, he can
get all the bears he cares to give room
to. If n one has lost any bears that
is the location to find them.
This lntersOund region is divided into
alternating areas of swamp, cornticld
and prairie, or savanna, with here and
there a lake or an apple orchard thrown
i'll; and the bears trade flom one to the
other, according to the season of the year,
or as they have opportunityThese sa-
yannas are used almost universally as
cattle range and there have been at
young ferns and all kinds Of new growth
many hundreds of herds. In the early
spring time, before vegetation has sprout-
ed, the bears feed on the young jumpers
(wfhite cedar), by stripping off the bark
and sucking the sap. Later on they eat
young ferns and all nkids of new growth
and insects. and afterward worthberries.
coon berries and the like. Then they
climb the black gums for fruit. taking
the green corn next. and then the nuts
and acorns, and from fail to spring de-
stroy cattle and hogs. In the green corn
season it is the easiest thing in the world
for them to come out Of the marginal
sWamps by the fields and regale them
selves On the farmers roasting ears, and
when cattle are running in the winter
and berries and mast are done gomez,
and the coWpeas and corn are stacked or
housed, they naturally take to fresh
meat. In fact, everything goes then.
Stockyard and hogpen are not exempt,
even when in close proximity to the
dwellings,. In hard winters, which hap
pen periodically, the havoc among the
herds has been SO great hat stringent
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-11

Detroit Free Press: Were living on a
volcano in that town of mine out there"
says the former resident of this city who
IS now growing up with Oklahoma. Liza
BILE to be a social eruption at any mo-
1nent, and hat means a great deal where
to reach a certain argumentative tenn
perature means a CUR play. Some of us
cooler heads are trying to pour oil on the
troubled waters, but there's no telling
what a day will bring FORTH
whats the matter? Horse thieves,
train robbers, hold-ups, line fences, dis
puted titles to property, or what?'
Nothing of that sort. We're civilized
put there and the courts take charge of
All such matters. We nave our churches,
pur thaaters, our libraries, Il clubs and
Dur swell society functions, just as YOU
10 in the effete east. The trouble lies too
deep to be reached by the constituted
civil authorities
"Why don't o call out the state
troops, then?'
Because the military is also without
jurisdiction. 1t this way: We haven't a
city official drawing a salary worth going
after thai wasn't born in ohio. The sons
Of that state run the municipal govern
ment and the patience of the other fell
lows thai want their noses in the man
ger. is about exhausted"
THE voters could remedy that
"Of course, out it's the minority that's
sore and dangerous. Besides, this is only
one of the things brewing rouble. The
other is that former Michigan girls are
getting all of the most desirable hus-
bands in the place. They are the pref
tiest, smartest and most fascinating girls
In the community and those western fell
lows have taste. Butts going to make
all kinds of roubl If they don't quit
monopolizing the market"
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-11
LOST HIS JOB.

Plttsburg News: Some people are given
to practical joking, but 1T is rarely that
the joker has the tables turned on him
as neatly as occurred recently at the
roundhouse Of the Lake Erie road at
Mckee's Rocks. a young countryman
walked into the roundhouse recently and
inquired for work. None Of the foremen
were in the vicinity at the time, but a
wiper saw an opportunity to have some
fun at the co~untryman's expense.
what kind of work do you want?"
asked the wiper.
Il don't care what kind of work l am
put on said the countryman, until I
set a little acquainted. / expect to be
able to get a job Of firing after awhile"
"All right said the wiper, 81 like your
spirit. Get a shovel and mount the roof.
! need a good man to shove smoke
away from the ventillators."
The man stood not on the order of his
going, but grasped the shovel and as
cended the roof Of the roundhouse, where
he industriously waited the smoke COM
ing through the ventilators to the four
points of the compass. The roundhouse
foreman happened by, and seeing the
man on the roof, inquired what he was
doing and who told him to do it,
Tn hired to shovel smoke" said the
countryman.
Come down here and show me who
hired you,' ordered the foreman
The man descended and pOlnted out the
wiper who had given him the job. The
foreman turned to the wipe rand said:
The only job you have any control
over is the one you are hired to do. AS
you have seen fit to hire another man, it
Is presumed you do not care to work
longer, so | will authorize this mans en-
ployment and give you al order for your
time
The countryman who was hired to
shovel smoke went out Monday as an ex-
ira fireman on a freight locomotive.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-11

measures nave been employed to. extermi-
nate the ursine depredators.
Spring guns, traps, deadfa'ls, poison,
~sidehunts and drives ave been put into
active use. and scores of carcasses have
been gathered in. Still the slaughter
continued among the cattle, and the sin
naher bears continued to get in their
work untM their numbers were decimat-
ed. innab en"s are cattle bears, and al
ways carry a white spot on the breast.
Hog bears are smaller and different.) AT
last the cattle were afraid to go into the
snashes at all, and kept entirely to the
The bears would climb the
jumpers, gums and expresses where the
trails passed, and, lying along the ex-
tended limb, drop like panthels down
upon the luckless animals passing be-
meath, sucking the blood from their necks
and clinging to them as they ran. In the
end the ''crrtter' would succumb from
fright, bleeding or exhaustion, and die
miserably Forest end Stream.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-11
FIRECRACKERS TOFRIGHTEN Dew
Ills.

SO much has been said about the
Chinaman and the tenacity with which
he sticks to his cue that it seems strange
so few understand why the average rice
eater will part with life itself before he
will give up that one long braid of hair.
Like most of the time-honored, deep
seat customs of any people it grows out
of the popularity of their religious belief,
and according to Chinese theology, with
its myriads of gods and devils, the way
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-11

The little speech had the effect of quiet
ing the roWdy element, and the play pro-
ceeded without any further interruption.
One OF the parties who had stamped the
lDudest was, after the warning, seen to
leave the building, go into the open air
and sneeze, and then return to his seat.
Daily inter mountain. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1881-1901, 1899-02-11
A NOVEL IDEA.

Puck: Subbubs-I want a cook who is
slightly den1ented.
Employment Agent Gin surprise)-
Why?
Subbubs-You see, I want one who will
live in Lonesomehurst.