The times., 1899-10-22
THE sEEDY MAN.
And His Great scheme for Running
n Hotel.
CFrom the Detroit Free Pres)

He looked seedy. His hair was long, his
chin unshaven, and his shoes were Eery
much run down al the heels
There was a faraway look in his eyes, as
though he were thinking Of better days
gone by, and he wore large brown mole
just forward Of his left ear
With no certain gait he shambled across
to the city editors desk.
That official looked up. Il amt got any
thing to help you buy q bed, he said,
thinking thus to head of conversation.
The man smiled sadly.
Il don't want bed" he replied, in
voice that sounded like the fling OF saw.
That isn't what I'm after I'm out TO in
terest capital"
What in; getting you a meal2"
The city editor was unusually sarcastic
mo. sir; I'm out to interest capital in
my utOpian hotel scheme
The city editor wheeled in his chair.
Your what?" he cried.
Just what l said sir VIII you please
direct me to sanctum Of the financial edi-
tor?"
The city editor was becoming interested.
Won't I do?' he asked.
IF you choose TO, was the epigram-
matte reply,
Go on with your idea. Wait minute
take that chair behind YOU
The man sat down.
He placed a pointed elbow on the desk
and supported his head as he talked.
Il need not tell you who I am" he be-
gan, save that I am we'll known in the
West For a long time 1 was proprietor
OF the Red Dog Hotel and Cafiy in Tomb
stone, Ariz learned while acting in that
capacity that not one hotel In America
is run on the right principle Ny guests
told me on innumerabIe occasions now hO-
fpfs ought m ha T-gFp I ofslr the br1ciunEz
to think it all over. That was three years
ago. During this period. I have done moth
ing but think. Now my plan is 10 establish
a hotel In a certain large Western city
that shall be nameless for the time being,
run just as guests would like to see il
run. I have put in many nights. sleepless
and troubled. worrying over a plan OF con
duct for this hOstelry Of mine. I make
myself clear, do II"
Yes, go on" The city editor bored
holes in the blotter with his pencil.
well, I have drawn up a little list of
the advantages OF such a hotel and all
am seeking now is capital to interest itself
in the erection of the structure. / shall
manage it myself, and take in payment a
living salary and a certain small share OF
the stock"
Have you the list of advantages with
you?" asked the city editor.
The man reached ino an inner pocket
and drew out a torn piece OF paper cover
ed with writing done in a fine, precise
hand
Here is the list, he said. and you
are sure you are interesed o.
'Of course I'm interested said the city
editor
Then, possibly" said the man, you
will have a little article in in the morning
explaining my idea and print beneath il
these advantages. VIII yOu?"
The editor thought he saw good story
and promised forthwith.
So what has been written is the expla-
nation
Now here are the advantages of the uH-
known's theoretical hotel, duly set forth as
written by him on a torn sheet Of paper:
This hotel Will be built and arranged
for the special comfort and convenience Of
the travelling public.
"On arrival each guest will be asked how
ne likes the situation, and if he says the
hotel ought to have been placed nearer the
railway dpOt, the location of the house
will be changed Immediately.
Corner front rooms, up only one flight
/ for each guest.
Bath. gas lavatory hot and cold water
laundry, telegraph, fire alarm, restaurant
J barroOm billiard tables, daily papers.
coupe, sewing machine, grand piano, and a
clergyman, together with all other modern
. conveniences in every room.
meals every minute if desired and con-
sequenty no second table.
English, French. and German diCt.On-
aries furnished each guest to make up
such a bill of fare as he may desire with
out regard to the bill Of fare afterwards
at the Office.
Walters OF any nationality and color
desired. Every waiter furnished with IL
bretto, buttonhole bouquets full dress
suits bath tablets and his hair parted in
the middle.
Each guest will have the best seats in
the dining-room and the best waiter in
the house
ANY guest not getting his or her break
fast red-hot or experiencing a delay OF
sixteen seconds after giving his order for
. dinner viii please mention the fact at the
/ managers Office and the cooks and walters
will be blown from the mouth of cannon
in front of the hotel at once.
Children will be welcomed with delight
and are requested to bring hoops and
hawk-eyes to bang the solid rosewood fur
niture, especially provided for that pur-
/ pose. and peg tops to spin on the velvet
| carpets; they will be allowed to bang on
the piano at all hours, fall down stairs.
carry away from the table in their poek-
cts dessert enough to run a small family
one week, and make themselves generally
! disagreeable as the fOndest mother could
desire.
washing allowed in rooms; ladies Civ
ing the order 10 put me on a fat-iron.
will be put on one at any hour OF the day
or night
"A discreet waiter. who belongs to the
Masons. Odd Fellows. Sons of Malta,
| KNIGHTS of Pythias. Maccabees, and NJ. ID.
RS and who has never been known 10 tell
the truth or the time OF day, VIII Be en-
Moved to carry milk punches and hot tod
dies to the ladies' room in tine evening
The Office clerk has been carefully Sc
lected to please everybody, and can play
drawpoker. match WorsJeds az the store Oh
the corner below. shake for the drinks at
any hour day or night. play billiards Is
a good waltzer. can lead a German, make
the fourth at euchre amusa the children
repeat the Dreyfus trial from memory j:
a good Judge of horses. as q railway OF
steamboat guide is far superior to Rand
McNaIly's or anybody else viii ilirJ viii
apv young lady and not feel bad if he i
cut when pa comes down, doesn't miut
| being damned any more than a CouuacticU
river. can room forty people in The b-s
| room in the house when the house is al
ready full with cots in the hall attend {,
the anDunciator and answer questions IL
Latin. Greek. French Sioux Irish or am
other polite language al the same tim
without turning his hair.
"Does allowed in any room in the house
Gentlemen may drink smoke. swear. chew
gamble. tell stories stare at the new ar
rivals or indulge in any other InuOceu
amusement in any part of the hotel