The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1899-06-12
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

ct guess I'll keep you on all season"
said the manager of the summer Vaude-
I vile house.
AT last am Appreciated" exclaimed
the man who had never been able to get
an enga cement for more than a week.
trying to hide his establishment under
the air of a man coming into his rights.
That's what continued the man
ager. You are so hopelessly bum that
you make the other turns seem good by
contrast. New York Journal.
How did YOU get this injury?" asked
the doctor as he was dressing a scalp
wound on the mans head.
She broke a dinner-plate over my
head was the reply.
"Of course. You don't think I'd let
any strange woman come into my house
and knock me around this way, do
you?"-Pittsburg Post.
He Gin the background) - Isn't that
Mrs. Advanced Ideeze, the authoress?
They say she is growing more schol-
has made wonderful advancement.
She with the teacup)-Yes, indeed.
Why, only three years ago she was
quite greeable.-Brooklyn Life.
Hotel Manager-I see you have given
out finest suite of rooms to a man
named Bilkins. Are you sure he can
pay the charges?
Clerk-Yes. he's rich enough.
Manager do you know?
Clerk-He is old and ugly and his
wife is young and pretty.-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
"Oh. sir, please give me a job! My
family is starving and 1 hain't had
job since the snow shoveling last jan
uary!"
Tammany BOSWELL, great Scott.
man! You don't suppose Crokers going
to have it showing the year round just
to please YOU. do VOu?-PuCk,
Little Johnny-Mamma, let's play I
am your mother and you are my little
boy.
Mamma-very well, dear; how shall
we play it?
Little Johnny-In tell you; you start
Puck.
Teacher@Now. If your mother gave
you a large apple and a small one and
told you to divide with your brother,
which apple would you give him?
JohnnyID'ye mean my big brother
nal
Are you going away for the sum-
NO; that's so old fashioned. We go
away for the winter.
Where did you go last winter?'
I'VE hadn't commenced on the new
plan then.''-C1eveland Plain Dealer.
Conductor-we have missed the con-
nection and you will have to wait at
this station six hours.
Old lady( who is a little nervous on
the railroad)-WeIl, I'm safe for six
hours, anyway.
why haven't you named the baby
yet?"
waiting to get a commercial agency re-
port on their financial standing before
deciding which one to name him after"
Brooklyn Eagle.
Customer don't think these pic
lures are handsome enough.
PhotogTapherMWe 1.-The there e. Is face
New York Evening Journal.
Then you persist in your delusion
that the Cubans are not fit for free
No delusion at all. Nobody is fit for
freedom who can't talk United States"
Indianapolis Journal.
DO you think Dolly's fance loves
herr"
Indeed. he does! Why, he went and
just to give Dolly a chance to cut her
out."-Collier's Weekly.
Everything Pusher puts his hands to
seems to turn into money"
Yes. Why, he could write poetry and
make it ay.''-PhiladeIphia North
American.
"A purser on a steamboat? Why, I
thought he was in business for him
self"
Il guess he is to some extent, but the
company isn't on to him yet"-Pitts-
burg Dispatch.
George-How is your suit with Miss
De Pink progressing?
Jack-Finely. When I call now her
dog wags its tailA-Stray Stories.
Giles-How was it your vacation last
ed only one day?
De Gary-I went to the races.-Judge.
Bridget-If yez don't pay me the |
wages yez owe me I'll kape dunning |
yez till yez do.
Deacon Harduppe-Well, dun, good |
and faithful servant-Life.