The Saint Paul globe., 1899-03-26


l flush scarlet from brow to chin; 1 turn
not and cold all over.
l try to deny that | care for any man. but
my tongue cleaves to the roof of my mouth,
and my lips refuse to utter the words l wish
to say.
I have succeeded in staving off positive
offer of marriage from Sir Harry until now
at least until last night, when he plunged
pololy into the subject before realized his
intention.
He absolutely refused to be refused, if
may express it in that way, and called upon
my aunt early this morning to urge her to
use all her influence to induce me to accept
him as my future husband
This l shall never do, not only because l
| dislike him personally, but also because, as
Aunt Janette has guessed I for another
man.
Slowly, but surely during these last three
months L have given my heart to Sir An
thony Nigel.
| Sometimes I think he stole it right away
when we first met, and l despise myself for
having done the very thing for which l re-
proved poor Bertie DaIcourt-namely, fallen
in love at first sight; whilst at other times
think that L have deliberately walked into
day by day and hour by hour.
L look upon him as my good angel, even as
regard Sir Harry my bad one, for, as
chance will have it, Sir Anthony is always
at hand when 1 want d friend.
He seems to see right into my soul and
understand my secret wishes.
Numberless times during the last few
months has he saved me from embarrass-
ing tete-a-tete with my bete-noire, until l
feel quite blank and lost when 1 have not
him to turn to-aS last night, for instance,
when, at "a small dance given by Lady Som
ers-Sir Harry's married sister-Sir Harry
contrived to propose to me, which l am con-
VlnCed he never would have succeeded in do
ing had Sir Anthony been present
When Aunt Janette reproaches me for with
holding my confidence from her, L feel terri
| bly, guilty, for she is only speaking the truth
and yet what have to tell?
| Nothing, Just nothing at all, which | could
put into plain words, and yet sufficient to fill
my daydreams with a sweet radiance
1 do care for another man.
| I love him with all my heart.
l could tell his footStep amongst thou
sand.
The sound of his rich baritone voice fills me
with unSpeakable joy.
A look from his eyes seems to steal into my
brain, and yet-ard yet L have nothing at all
! to tell.
He has never uttered one word of love-
never tried to convey to me, by word or deed,
! that he cares a straw about me save and
except upon that one occasion.
| l have met him at a score of balls since
that first at Lady Curton'S, but he has
never danced with me twice except that
once and never, since then ever sat out
dance with me. 1~~'t1 -ll99
! On all ordinary occasions, in fact, he seems
to avoid me; only, instinct tells me that his
Indifference is but assumed, and that, sooner
or later, he will tell me he loves me.
Meanwhile, must possess my soul in
!
from Aunt Janette but from all the world
besides.
How it has escaped notice cannot tell, but
L congratulate myself many a time and oft
that it has done Sc.
The only person I really fear has guessed
something Of it is Sir Harry Grasmore,
although we both seem more guarded than
usual towards one another in his presence;
now that ne has openly asked Aunt Janette's
consent to pay his addresses to me- the diff
fculties of my position increased tenfold
more especially her vexation at my lack
of confidence in her does not evaporate so
quickly as l have hoped, and the estrange-
ment between Us hurts deeply
She is never unkind to me- but merely cold
and silent, and hardly addresses me at all, in
spite of my efforts towards a reconciliation
Consequently Sir Harry who does not seem
to understand rebuff, is rarely absent from
my side.
To make matters worse, I have noticed a
subtle change in Sir Anthony's manner to-
wards myself of late-instead of our intimacy
making any progress as time passes on, we
seem to be drifting apart.
Days go by without my seeing him at all,
and when we do meet he makes no effort to
talk to me.
Some of the brightness seems to have gone
out of my life; 1 am beginning to taste the
Dead Sea fruits life.
Society pals upon me and yet with wild
restiessness, for which L cannot account,
long for excitement: | cannot stand being
aicne with my own thoughts
dare not trust myself to think of him, and
yet tire out even Aunt Janette in my wild
mad endeavors to see him, to speak to him.
to try and break down the barrier which has
risen between US.
why. Barbara" she excaims one very hot
day when, after a drive in the park an hours
shopping, lurcheon party, an afternoon
garden party, and theater at night 7 urge
her to drop In at Lady Curton's reception for
an hour before going home; why, Barbara
yot' are tlreess, unsuitable; not one night