The Jersey City news. (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1889-1906, 1899-06-10
A PARROT
PIANO WAR
How an Englishman and an
Actress Made War.

i.
Alexander Sehaunard. the celebrated
pianist, was one day musing upon the
instability of human affairs. The par
ticular thing which caused this line of
thought was the fact that he had not
eaten any breakfast and was in much
doubt about his dinner. Thus musing he
dropped into the store of a music pub
Usher, which he was wont at times to
frequent.
"Hallo, ~Schaunard" said that individ-
ual, you come in the nick of time. A
gentleman has just left word here to
send him a pianist"
"Who is he?' replied Schaunard, nom
%chalantly. The true Bohemian never
jumps at anything.
"He is an English Milford, and he will
pay handsome l have no doubt. OF
course you play well?'
Schaunard gazed at him. There may
have existed in this world a modest mu-
stefan; there may have even been modest
pianists, but history speaks not of them.
S%chaunard replied:
"Play well! Why, | should smile. If
L Oiiy Alo hlR6 SOA4Ng AOAS hdi Gnu
a steel pen coat, l would be fixed. Why,
instead of demanding 800 francs to pub
fish my famous symphony. you would, on
Bonded knees, offer me 5000 on a silver
platter"
The publisher smiled cynically and d.
rected him to the Englishman's house.
This gentleman was named Birnan. He
lived upon the third floor, where Schau-
ror1 xroc rannsyad hu a hI,rn fnaxraan
who turned him over to a green footman,
who presented him to his master.
On the floor Immediately below MI.
Birnan there lived an actress who called
herself Dolores. She was of Spanish
birth, having first seen the light in that
Partisan Andalusia which is called the
"Rue Copuenard." Her parrot was cele-
brated throughout the neighborhood for
its oratorical powers and had gradually
become the terror of the tenants.
Mr.. Birnan had possessed his soul in
patience for some time. Finally, how
ever, life became a burden to him, and he
determined to see Dolores. Arraying him
self. therefore, with much elegance, he re-
paired to the actress apartments. Do
lores received him Hospitality, and, as
she was breakfasting at the time, asked
him to share that meal with her. Mr..
Birnan replied in a peculiar French-in-
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES, which dialect he had
learned from a Spanish refugee.
Il /accept, mumzelle," said he, shut
only on condition that we eat that dis
agreeable Bird" and he pointed to the
par,--, which, detecting his nationality by
his accent, had begun to whistle "God
Save the Queen" and added, Gas I am
very wealthy, you can put what price
you like upon the creature"
"Oh, monsieur" replied Dolores, 81
love Coco too much to let him pass into
your possession
Into my possessionl' said the English
man, with a shudder. 81 don't want to
keep him-I want to kill him."
Dolores trembled with indignation and
was about to have a scene Immediately
when she saw upon the E~nglishman's
finger a diamond ring which might be
worth $4,000 francs. She paused. She
cooled. She reflected. 1t was not well to
quarrel with a man who wore rings like
that.
"Well, monsieur said she, "since poor
little Coco annoys you, | will place him
at the back of the house. In that posi-
ton you will no longer be able to hear
him."
The Englishman attempted to express
his thanks, and was about to withdraw.
But Dolores had an eye for business.
Taking up a package of tickets which
lay upon the table, she said:
Milford
"Oh, / am not Milford I am only an
esquire"
Dolores stared, but went on:
well, monsieur, this evening l am to
have a benefit at the theater where l am
engaged. Would you be kind enough to
take a box ticket? You would eblige me
greatly" and she placed a dozen tickets
in his hand.
The Englishman examined the tickets
carefully, and after he had ascertained
beyond doubt what they were for, he
demanded the price.
Sixty francs per box" replied Do
lores, and then, seeing him draw out his
purse, 'soh, there is no occasion for hur-
~, monsieur"
81 prefer to pay on the nail" said Mr..
Birnan, and drawing out a bank note
for 1000 francs, he placed it on the
table.
Il will give you the change" said Do
lores, opening a little drawer.
"Oh, no." said the Englishman. that
is pourboire," and he disappeared.
Drink money!
"Pourboire.' said Dolores, red with
rage. What can the fellow mean? III
| send his money back"
But on reflection she concluded that as
her rent was due that day she would
keep the money and set down the re-
mark as a mistake due to ignorance Of
| the language rather than as an imperti-
nence.
When evening came Dolores repaired
to the theater. The hour was near at
hand, and when she appeared at the
wing she saw by the joy painted upon
the visages Of the other actresses that
there was something wrong. She has
tened to the peephole in the curtain and
looked out. The dozen boxes were
empty.
Dolores went through the performance
as well as she could with the empty
boxes staring her in the face and pro-
ceeded home at midnight a wrathful wo-
| man. AS soon as she reached there she
took Coco and hung him on the front
balcony, Immediately under the window
of the poor Englishman. MIR. Birnan
awoke with a SILVER of alright. was