Santa Fe new Mexican. [volume] (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1898-1951, 1899-07-08
THE BREAKER.

inclined to portliness. As the train moved
on he discussed commonplace subjects
with me in a commonplace way. I should
not have been surprised to have been told
that he was a ~stookbroker or a solicitor.
or that he was engaged in the tea trade.
In the course Of our chat something hap
pened to be said about curious occupations,
"Well," said my companion, II do not
suppose that there Is any more curious
occupation than my own lam a breaker"
He had not at all the appearance of .
man used to horses, but ! suggested, "a
horse breaker, you meanp"
"No," he said, "just a plain breaker,
a man who breaks things-breaks any
thing that requires to be broken gets his
living by breaking"
l glanced nervously at the communi-
Gator, though he looked even less like a
lunatio than he did like a horse breaker.
II see," he said, smiling, 'that 1 must
explain. When I left Cambridge with a
classical degree, no prospects and no infu-
enoe I looked about for a profession. I
found everything overorowded. Besides
mont Of the professions appealed to me at
all. l like to travel about q little, and l
enjoy social life. I like talking-talking
to any one. I hate work of any kind.
This being the case, l looked about me to
see if there was not a chance for some new
PROFESSIONAL among our million wants
there was not one that was not supplied.
"The idea came to me by accident. I
was stopping at my uncle's house when
he received IS a present from his wife's
brother a singularly ugly but very valu-
able pair of oriental vases. His wife's
brother was frequently in my unole's
house, and therefore these denominations
had to be displayed. heard him grum-
bling about this. suggested that he should
sell them. The idea was Of course absurd.
He told me so. Nor, he said, could he
break them himself, for his wife's brother
would never forgive him; nor could he
ask his wife to break them, because, al
though he has been married Is years, he
felt that he did not know her we'll enough;
nor could he ask the servants to break
them, for that would encourage careless
ness and thriftlessness. THAT is all right,
I said. rose from my place and smashed
the vases n after the other on the floor.
Sorry I was SO clumsy 1 said. You had
better ring and have this rubbish cleared
away He rang and told the servant that
I had broken them accidentally. When
she had gone, he said without a smile, 1T
seems rather a pity. I said, I am short
Of ready money. Could you lend me a5S'
He wrote me a check for 420 and said that
was a useful man to know Of. Then I
said, Recommend me to your friends, for
already I saw the possibility Of my future
profession. He mentioned me to some
half dozen people he knew, some of whom
I had never seen in my life before. They
sent me invitations to their houses, and
they indicated the objects on which I was
60 operate. In my first week l broke, I
remember, a lamp shaped like an owl, an
oil painting, a tea service and a dining
room table,"
"But an oil painting" I said-"how
does one break an oil paintingp"
sit is simple enough" he said. 81 first
Of all undid the wires SO that the picture
fell, then in picking it up I put my foot
through the face. 1t was a portrait of my
hosts wife's aunt. 1t was more difficult
TO break the dining room table. I recol-
lect that it became necessary for the pur-
pose to invent a somewhat boisterous form
Of round game. Even then we had to play
1t for three evenings before the legs came
off. When l left this house, my host hand
ed me a check and promised to recon-
mend me to other people. I never advor.
tise, and I have more breaking to do than
I can possibly find time for. If 1 could
find a young man with plenty of tact, I
would take him IA an assistant"
SIT must need some tact, " I suggested.
sit does. 1t SO often happens that l am
employed by the husband without the
knowledge Of the wife, or by the wife
without the knowledge of the husband.
Even with the utmost tact one gets oneself
disliked, but that I must put up with.
The other day n of my clients asked me
to come to his house to break a dinner
service. / dined there and made myself
IS pleasant as I could and told several
good stories. But then l also broke the
dinner service, or most of it, and it was
one to which my hostess was much at
tached. She said to him afterward, I
will never have that brute in my house
againr'"
"And what did he sayP"
"He said: 4 fully agree with you, my
dear. To the best Of my belief the man
was drunk. If he had not been the son OF
an old college friend, l should never have
asked him at all That was a little
mean, but then it was necessary for him
TO cover himself in some way, and as l
never break a dinner service under 925, I
received some solatium for the indignity."
"Have you got any engagements at pres
enta" I asked.
eyes," he said, II am going to ono
now, hut 1t is a trifing thing, requiring
49, A,ox - I'll l.. IrcJ 7 kol ~, occiCtovk T
should have sent him. l am to go the day
after a wedding reception when the pres
ents arc being packed. Those which from
their ugliness or worthlessness are not
worth packing up and sending to the
.bridegroom's distant home have been
placed on a separate shelf. I shall upset
that shelf and accidentally stamp on any
thing which is not broken in the fall. The
Job won't take five minutes, and l get .
guineas for 1t. I am doing it for tho
bridegroom without the knowledge of tho
bride. Men begin to deceive women very
soon, I find"
II have" l said, lone or two little OBJ
ieots In my own homo which"
But at this moment the train entered
Victoria station, and, though / managed
TO complete my sentence, and my com.
panion said that he would be glad at any
time to oblige me. in the confusion of our
arrival I neglected to take his name and
address OF to give him mine. Barry
Pain.
An Actors Dose.
It Is told Of a we'll known actor, now
dead, that he would never take any physic,
and his medical adviser WAS often obliged