Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1899-04-21
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you.-Boston Courier.
You say he died from single blow
administered by himself?" Eyes; he
blew out the gasw-Puck.
Captain, the new recruit is fine
fencer." "Is he? Put him on picket
duty. cleveland Plain Dealer.
why do you say he's good match
for that grass widowW Because he's
rake. Bulletin.
Il had narrow escape in my house
the other night" "How so?" "My
wife shot at some burglars.'-L
-Judge-Why did you steal this gen
tleman's purse2 Prisoner thought
the change might do me good.-Tit-
Bits.
$50 your engagement to the Lafay-
cite avenue millionaire's daughter Is
Of, ehY eyes; I've been mustered
Out"-J1dge.
= II don't believe in being affable to in
feriors." "You don't? Just think how
lonely you would be If everybody felt
that way."-Truth.
He-"The American people made a
saint Of that Spanish Admiral Ceryera,
don't you think SO" Shelves; they
cannonized him at Santiago"
Mrs. Sweet-Isn't it strange that
Harry will never permit Edith to open
his watch? Mr.. Sweet-Humphl There
must be another girl in the case.-Jew-
elers' Weekly.
Negative-How do you know he is
dishonest? observation-disclosures? Why,
l once saw him playing at solitaire, and
he couldn't play the game without
heating.-Journal.
'"This is the bill from your oculist,"
said the collector to Mr.. Grimly. Just
take it back, and tell him that | can't
read it with those glasses he sold me-"
Detroit Free Press.
Waggles-He expects business to
pick UP as soon as the war Is over.
Jaggles = What business is he in?
Waggles- Manufacturing bicycles for
one-legged men.-Judge.
Starboarder-'Who is making all that
noise?" Mrs. Hashly-"It's the Rev. l..
o. Cutor rehearsing his sermon for to-
morrow" Starboarder-"Oh, l see.
Practicing what he breaches" -Town
Topics.
"Halloa, old man, have any luck
shooting" 81 should say did. Shot
seventeen ducks in one day." "Were
they wildY' "Well-no-not exactly,
but the farmer who owned them was"
Tit Bits.
Boarder (warmly)-Oh, I'm knowing
to the tricks of your trade. Do you
thsaK / have lived In boarding houses
for twenty years for nothing? Land
lady (frigidly)-I shouldn't be at all
surprised.-Detroit Journal.
Mrs. Slimdiet-I can't see what Mr..
Bullion wanted to marry that shabby
widow for, anyhow. She isn't young,
and isn't pretty, and he New
Boarder-You just ought to see how
thick she makes her pumpkin pies.
Brides father Ito his prospective son
in-law, a young lawyer)-Pm not going
to give my daughter cash dowry, but
I have some doubtful claims for $4,000
that will make over to you, and you
can sue on them.-Fliegende Blaetter.
Dolly-"Papa, do they get salt out Of
Salt LakeY Papa-"Yes, my dear,
large quantities." Dolly-"And ink out
Of the Black SeaT' Papa-"No; now
keep quiet" Dolly-"Yes, sir-are there
any women on the Isle of ManY'-
Truth.
Judge-"If you were at the club dur
ing the trouble, tell what you saw"
Witness "a colored waiter)-"Well, sab,
de chairman OBJ de entertainment COM
mittee jes' swatted de secretary Obah
he head wifi de lovin' cup."-The Jew
eller's Weekly.
Magistrate Ito prisoner)-"You say,
Uncle 'Rastus, that you took the ham
because you are out Of work and your
family are starving. And yet under
stand you have four dogs about the
house." Uncle 'Rastus sab; but
I wuddent arsk my family to eat dogs,
yo' honah!'-New York Sun.
Miss D-Angelica, why don't you
marry Lieutenant Y? Miss A
First, because he has no brains, and
he can't ride, dance, or play tennis.
What could we do with him? Miss D.
But he swims beautifully. Miss A
Oh, yes; but one can't keep ones hus-
band in an aquarium, you know:-Tit-
Bits.
Dobson-I say, old chap, what Is the
difference between Russell Sage and
Tom Sharkey? Hobson-I'm dished
If know, my boy. l always thought
they were alike as two peas. DobsOn
Then let me correct you-Russell
Sage makes his money hand over fist,
while Sharkey makes his fist hand
over money.-Judge.
Mr.. Isaac-"Mine cootness! It's no
wonder de young people don't learn
holdings nowadays. Here's a glazing
error on der very first page off your
new grammar" Jakey Isaacs-"Vot is
dot error, fadderY Mr.. Isaacs-"Vy,
a. 20 I;o