Mesa free press. [volume] (Mesa, Ariz.) 1892-1901, 1899-06-30
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w cAi, JuuKe, WHIT ID ue Aley!
Bessie-"Jack's heart is in the right
place" Lcna--"How do you know"
Bessle-"I have it."-Town Topics.
Father-"Tommy, stop pulling that
cats TAIL" Tommy-"Im only hold
Ing the tail; the cats pulling it."-Tit-
Bits.
Housewife-"How dare you ask me
20 feed you againY Ho5o-"That,
ma'am, Is II perfashnul secret."-De-
troit Journal.
Angry Soubrette-'I understand you
have been telling everybody my hair
Is not my own" Her Hated Rival
Its false!'-Life.
'Whcre does the boat called a
smack properly belong" II don't
know" "Why, on the face of the
waters. "-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Jones-"Marie, Pm sure there's some
thing crawling up my back" Mrs.
Jones-"Oh, 1 guess it's just your
fancy" Jones-"No, it's too lively
Life.
Kings Daughter-Mercy! Do you
allow that half-grown girl to read
lola and Ouida? The mother-I must
do something to keep her away from
daily newspapers.
Mrs. Van Twiller (who mistakes DR..
Jovial for physician)-And where do
you practice, doctor? The Rev. DR..
Jovial-Ah, madam, do not practice;
I only preach.-Harlem Life.
Miss Fondart-"Jack, what do they
mean when they speak Of q first-water
diamOndY Jack-"One that-um-er
-one fresh from the mine-never been
soaked you know."-Jewelers' Weekly.
After a man has taken girl to the
alter as often as six times, and called
upon her with chocolates In his pocket,
she begins to see a resemblance in him
to her favorite hero in a novel.-Atchi-
son Globe.
81 read to-day" said Mrs. Mcbride,
"of a judge who recently granted TWEEN
ty divorces in one day." "He must be
one Of those twenty-knot destroyers we
read about sometimes" added Mr.. Nc
Bride.-Life.
Jones-Dear me! You say you often
lay down the law to your wife. How
do you go about 1t? Bones-Why, all
you need Is firmness / usually go into
my study, lock the door, and do it over
the transom."-Puck.
He-Why did you fail to recognize
no c<r 70
see you. He-That's strange. I saw
you twice. She-Oh, that probably &C
counts for it. never notice man in
that condition.-Fibre and Fabric.
Cholly-C Charming widow, isn't sheI
They say she Is to marry again. Algy-
I wouldn't want to be q widows Sec
ond husband. Cholly-Well, I'd rather
be a widows second husband than her
first husband, doncherknow.-Puck.
Eyes, Stubs was goin' into decline,
an the doctor said tn best thing for
him was to get an easy government job
and lie around doing nothing" "A sine
cure, eh?" 81 don't know what kind O.
cure you call it, but anyhow he's
cured"
'The trouble with him." said the
young man who had been trying to
fittingly describe an acquaintance, lis
that when he dipped into the sea Of
knowledge he thought he brought up
SO much that the blamed thing went
y."-Chicago Post.
Mrs. Tilford-"It must have taken
Daniel Webster q long time to COM
pile the dictionary; don't you think
soY Tilford-"Danicl? You mean
Noah. don't your Mrs. Tilford-
Now, don't be silly. Noah built the
ark Brooklyn Life.
Curran, the Irish advocate, was ex-
aiming a witness once, and, failing to
get direct answer, said: '"There Is no
use in asking you questions, for l see
the villain in your face" do you, sir"
said the man. "Faix, never knew be-
fore that my face was lookingAglass."
Mr.. Younghusband- There is no use
talking; I won't eat any more of your
cooking. Mrs. Younghusband Fearful
ly)-And you-you-said-yO were
willing o-die-die for me! "But, mad
anne, there are worse things than
DEATH Sydney Town and Country
Journal.
Mrs. proudfoot-"Yes, Mrs. Mala-
prop, that's an heirloom. It's been in
Mr.. Proudfoot's family over q hun
dred years" Mrs. Malaprop-"Do tell!
I've been paggin' at John Henry to get
an heirloom ever since we moved to
the city, but he can't find any, except
second hand ones, and I won't have
them."-Jewelers' Weekly.
A rich but ignorant lady, who was
rather ambitious In her conversational
style, in speaking OF friend, said:
'Hc is paragram Of pollteness." "Ex-
cusc me-" said q wag sitting next to
her, "but do you not mean q PARALLEL
gramT "Of course dor Immediately